,illustration3 ,,my ,,caricature ,,of ,,mr4 ,,gladstone4 ,,the ,,confessions ,,of ,a ,,caricaturist ,,by ,,harry ,,furniss ,,illustrated ,,volume ,i ,illustration ,,new ,,york ,,and ,,london3 ,,harper ,,brothers1 ,,publishers4 #aijb4 ,,bradbury1 ,,agnew1 ,,co4 ,,ld41 ,,printers ,,london ,,and ,,tonbridge4 ,all rights reserved4 ,december1 #aija4 ,,preface4 ,if1 in these volumes1 ,i have made some joke at a friend's expense1 let that friend take it in the spirit intended1 and--,i apologise beforehand4 ,in ,america apology in journalism is unknown4 ,the exception is the well-known story of the man whose death was published in the obituary column4 ,he rushed into the office of the paper and cried out to the editor3 ,look here1 sur1 what do you mean by this8 ,you have published two columns and a half of my obituary1 and here ,i am as large as life6 ,the editor looked up and coolly said1 ,sur1 ,i am vury sorry1 ,i reckon there is a mistake some place1 but it kean't be helped4 ,you are killed by the ,jersey ,eagle1 you are to the world buried4 ,we nevur correct anything1 and we nevur apologise in ,amurrican papers4 ,that won't do for me1 sur4 ,my wife's in tears2 my friends are laughing at me2 my business will be ruined1--you must apologise4 ,no1 si--ree1 an ,amurrican editor nevur apologises4 ,well1 sur1 ,i'll take the law on you right away4 ,i'm off to my attorney4 ,wait one minute1 sur--just one minute4 ,you are a re-nowned and popular citizen3 the ,jersey ,eagle has killed you--for that ,i am vury1 vury sorry1 and to show you my respect ,i will to-morrow find room for you--in the births column4 ,now do not let any editor imagine these pages are my professional obituary1--my autobiography4 ,if by mistake he does1 then let him place me immediately in their births column4 ,i am in my forties1 and there is quite time for me to prepare and publish two more volumes of my ,confessions from my first to my second birth1 and many other things1 before ,i am fifty4 ,illustration3 ,faithfully yours ,harry ,furniss ,,london1 #aija4 ,the ,author begs to acknowledge his indebtedness to the ,proprietors and the ,editor of ,punch1 the ,proprietors of the ,magazine of ,art1 the ,graphic1 the ,illustrated ,london ,news1 ,english ,illustrated ,magazine1 ,cornhill ,magazine1 ,harper's ,magazine1 ,westminster ,gazette1 ,st4 ,james' ,gazette1 the ,british ,weekly and the ,sporting ,times for their kindness in allowing him to reproduce extracts and pictures in these volumes4 ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,confessions ,,of ,,my ,,childhood--,,and ,,after4 ,introductory--,birth and ,parentage--,the ,cause of my remaining a ,caricaturist--,the ,schoolboys' ,punch--,infant ,prodigies--,as a ,student--,i ,start in ,life--,zozimus--,the ,sullivan ,brothers--,pigott--,the ,forger--,the ,irish ,pathriot--,wood ,engraving--,tom ,taylor--,the ,wild ,west--,judy--,behind the ,scenes--,titiens--,my ,first and ,last ,appearance in a ,play--,my ,journey to ,london--,my ,companion--,a ,coincidence pp4 #a-bi ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,bohemian ,,confessions4 ,i arrive in ,london--,a ,rogue and ,vagabond--,two ,ladies--,letters of ,introduction--,bohemia--,a ,distinguished ,member--,my ,double--,a ,rara ,avis--,the ,duke of ,broadacres--,the ,savages--,a ,souvenir--,portraits of the ,past--,j4 ,l4 ,toole--,art and ,artists--,sir ,spencer ,wells--,john ,pettie--,milton's ,garden pp4 #cj-ec ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,my ,,confessions ,,as ,a ,,special ,,artist4 ,the ,light ,brigade--,miss ,thompson 7,lady ,butler7--,slumming--,the ,boat ,race--,realism--,a ,phantasmagoria--,orlando and the ,caitiff--,fancy ,dress ,balls--,lewis ,wingfield--,cinderella--,a ,model--,all ,night ,sitting--,an ,impromptu ,easel--,where there's a ,will there's a ,way--,the ,american ,sunday ,papers--,i am ,deaf--,the ,grill--,the ,world's ,fair--,exaggeration--,personally ,conducted--,the ,charnel ,house--#aj1 ,downing ,street--,i attend a ,cabinet ,council--,an ,illustration by ,mr4 ,labouchere--,the ,great ,lincolnshire ,trial--,praying without ,prejudice pp4 #ed-hg ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,confessions ,,of ,,an ,,illustrator--,a ,,serious ,,chapter4 ,drawing--,hieroglyphics--,clerical ,portraiture--,a ,commission from ,general ,booth--,in ,search of ,truth--,sir ,walter ,besant--,james ,payn--,why ,theodore ,hook was ,melancholy--,off with his ,head--,reformers' ,tree--,happy ,thoughts--,christmas ,story--,lewis ,carroll--,the ,rev4 ,charles ,lutwidge ,dodgson--,sir ,john ,tenniel--,the ,challenge--,seven ,years' ,labour--,a ,puzzle ,,ms4--,dodgson on ,dress--,carroll on ,drawing--,sylvie and ,bruno--,a ,composite ,picture--,my ,real ,models--,i am very ,eccentric--,my ,romps--,a ,letter from du ,maurier--,caldecott--,tableaux--,fine ,feathers--,models--,fred ,barnard--,the ,haystack--,a ,wicket ,keeper--,a ,fair ,sitter--,neighbours--,the ,post ,office ,jumble--,puzzling the ,postmen--,writing ,backwards--,a ,coincidence pp4 #hh-acj ,,chapter ,v4 ,a ,,chat ,,between ,,my ,,pen ,,and ,,pencil4 ,what is ,caricature8--,interviewing--,catching ,caricatures--,pellegrini--,the ,ha6 ,ha6--,black and ,white v4 ,paint--,how to make a ,caricature--,m4,p4's--,my ,system--,mr4 ,labouchere's ,attitude--,do the ,subjects ,object8--,colour in ,caricature--,caught6--,a ,pocket ,caricature--,the ,danger of the ,shirt-cuff--,the ,danger of a ,marble ,table--,quick ,change--,advice to those about to ,caricature pp4 #aca--aec ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,parliamentary ,,confessions4 ,gladstone and ,disraeli--,a ,contrast--,an unauthenticated ,incident--,lord ,beaconsfield's last ,visit to the ,house of ,commons--,my ,serious ,sketch--,historical--,mr4 ,gladstone--,his ,portraits--,what he thought of the ,artists--,sir ,j4 ,e4 ,millais--,frank ,holl--,the ,despatch ,boxes--,impressions--,disraeli--,dan ,o',connell--,procedure--,american ,wit--,toys--,wine--,pressure--,sandwich ,soire--,the ,g4,o4,m4 dines with ,toby1 ,m4,p4--,walking--,quivering--,my ,desk--,an ,interview--,political ,caricaturists--,signature in ,sycamore--,scenes in the ,commons--,joseph ,gillis ,biggar--,my ,double--,scenes--,divisions--,puck--,si r ,r4 ,temple--,charles ,stewart ,parnell--,a ,study--,quick ,changes--,his ,fall--,room #ae--,the last ,time ,i saw him--,lord ,randolph ,churchill--,his ,youth--,his ,height--,his ,fickleness--,his ,hair--,his ,health--,his ,fall--,lord ,iddesleigh--,sir ,stafford and ,mr4 ,gladstone--,bradlaugh--,his ,youth--,his ,parents--,his ,tactics--,his ,fight--,his ,extinction--,john ,bright--,jacob ,bright--,sir ,isaac ,holden--,lord ,derby--,a ,political ,prophecy--,a ,lucky ,guess--,my ,confession in the ,times--,the ,joke that ,failed--,the ,seer--,fair ,play--,i deny being a ,conservative--,i am ,encouraged--,chaff--,reprimanded--,misp rinted--,misunderstood pp4 #aed--bad ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,punch4 ,two ,punch ,editors--,punch's ,hump--,my ,first ,punch ,dinner--,charles ,keene--,robert--,w4 ,h4 ,bradbury--du ,maurier--,kiki--,a ,trip to the ,place of his ,birth--,he ,hates ,me--,a ,practical ,joke--du ,maurier's ,strange ,model--,no ,sportsman--,tea--,appollinaris--,my ,first ,contribution--,my ,record--,parliament--,press ,gallery ,official--,i ,feel ,small--,the ,black ,beetle--,professor ,rogers--,sergeant-at-,arms' ,room--,styles of ,work--,privileges--,dr4 ,percy--,i ,sit in the ,table--,the ,villain of ,art--,the ,new ,cabinet--,criticism--,punch's ,historical ,cartoons--,darwen ,mac,neill--,scenes in the ,lobby--,a ,technical ,assault--,john ,burns's ,invention--,john ,burns's ,promise--,john ,burns's ,insult--,the ,lay of ,swift ,mac,neill--,the ,truth--,sir ,frank ,lockwood--,grand ,cross--,lockwood's ,little ,sketch--,lockwood's ,little ,joke in the ,house--,lockwood's ,little ,joke at ,dinner--,lewis ,carroll and ,punch--,gladstone's ,head--,sir ,william's ,portrait--,ciphers--,reversion--,punch at ,play--,three ,punch ,men in a ,boat--,squaring up--,two ,pins ,club--,its ,one ,joke--,its ,one ,horse--,its ,mystery--,artistic ,duties--,lord ,russell--,furious ,riding--,before the ,beak--,burnand and ,i in the ,saddle--,caricaturing ,pictures for ,punch--,art under ,glass--,arthur ,cecil--,my ,other ,eye--,the ,ridicule that ,kills--,red ,tape--,punch in ,prison--,i make a ,mess of it--,waterproof--,i used your ,soap two years ago--,charles ,keene--,charles ,barber--,punch's ,advice--,punch's ,wives pp4 #bae--cjb ,illustration3 ,,harry ,,furniss',s 7,,egyptian ,,style74 ,from ,punch4 ,,list ,,of ,,illustrations4 ,,page ,my ,caricature of ,mr4 ,gladstone ,frontispiece ,initial ,in4 ,writing my ,confessions4 ,a ,visitor's ,snapshot #a ,my ,mother #c ,my ,father #e ,harry ,furniss1 aged #aj #f ,a ,caricature1 made when a ,boy 7never published74 ,dublin ,exhibition4 ,portrait of ,sir ,a4 ,guinness 7now ,lord ,iveagh7 in centre #aa ,an ,early ,illustration on ,wood by ,harry ,furniss4 ,partly ,engraved by him4 #af ,sketches in ,galway #ai ,judy1 the ,galway ,dwarf #bc ,phelps1 the first ,actor ,i saw #bd ,mrs4 ,hardcastle4 ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss4 ,from an ,early ,sketch #be ,caricature of ,myself1 drawn when ,i first arrived in ,london #cj ,age #bj #ce ,a successful ,make-,up #cf ,two ,travellers #ch ,the ,duke of ,broadacres #dj ,savage ,club ,house ,dinner4 ,from a ,sketch by ,herbert ,johnson #da ,the ,earl of ,dunraven as a ,savage #db ,another ,gap in ,our ,ranks #dc ,jope #dc ,h4 ,j4 ,byron #dd ,a ,presentation #de ,savage ,club4 ,my ,design for the ,menu1 #beth ,anniversary ,dinner #dg ,savages #ej ,letter from ,sir ,spencer ,wells #ea ,distress in the ,black ,country #ed ,at the ,oxford and ,cambridge ,boat ,race #ee ,as ,special at the ,balaclava ,celebration #eg ,distress in the ,north #ei ,realism6 #fa ,the ,caitiff and ,orlando #fb ,an ,invitation #fc ,at a ,fancy ,dress ,ball #fe ,lewis ,wingfield as a ,street ,nigger ,home from the ,derby #fg ,the ,liberal ,candidate #fh ,sketches at the ,liverpool ,election3 ,a ,ward ,meeting #fi ,my ,easel4 ,drawing ,mr4 ,gladstone at a ,public ,meeting #ga ,the ,american ,sunday ,papers #gb ,major ,handy #gd ,the ,world's ,fair1 ,chicago4 ,a ,special's ,visit #ge ,on dashed the ,horses in their wild ,career #gg ,initial ,a #gi ,the ,charnel-,house4 ,chicago ,world's ,fair #hj ,initial ,london #hc ,the ,bishop of ,lincoln's ,trial #he ,initial ,if #hh ,majuba ,hill #hi ,canon ,liddon4 ,a ,sketch from ,life #ib ,letter from ,sir ,walter ,besant #id ,the ,late ,sir ,walter ,besant #ie ,the ,jetty #ie ,illustration for ,the ,talk of the ,town #if ,that's just what ,i have done6 #ih ,specimen of ,james ,payn's ,writing #ii ,the ,typical ,lovers in ,illustrated ,novels #ajj ,initial ,t #aja ,instructions in a ,letter from ,lewis ,carroll #ajc ,specimen of ,lewis ,carroll's ,drawing and ,writing #ajf ,original ,sketch by ,lewis ,carroll of his ,charming ,hero and ,heroine #ajg ,lewis ,carroll's ,note to me or a ,pathetic ,picture #ajh ,sylvie and ,bruno4 ,my ,original ,drawing for ,lewis ,carroll #aaj ,i ,go ,mad6 #aaa ,from ,lewis ,carroll #aab ,i do want a ,wicket-keeper6 #aac ,portion of ,letter from ,lawrence1 age #i #aad ,reduction from a ,design for my ,romps #aae ,portion of a ,letter from ,george du ,maurier #aag ,a ,transformation #aai ,yours always1 ,barnard #aai ,barnard and the ,models #abj ,i sit for ',ands1 ,sir #aba ,the ,grand ,old ,hand and the ,young ',un #abb ,my ,fighting ,double #abd ,specimen of ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne's ,envelopes to me #abe ,cheque for #e-a_/b;d4 passed through two ,banks and paid4 ,i signed it backwards1 and it was cancelled by ,clerk backwards #abg ,sir ,henry ,irving writes his ,name backwards #abh ,sir ,henry ,irving's ,attempt #abh ,mr4 ,j4 ,l4 ,toole's first ,attempt #abh ,mr4 ,j4 ,l4 ,toole's second ,attempt #abh ,autograph3 ,harry ,furniss #abi ,initial ,if #aca ,the ,studio of a ,caricaturist #acb ,caricature of me by my ,daughter1 age #ae #acd ,a serious ,portrait--from ,life #ace ,initial ,h #acf ,penguin #aci ,mr4 ,brown1 ,ordinary ,attire4 ,court ,dress #aci ,two ,portraits #adj ,a ,caricature #adj ,not a ,caricature #adj ,the ,editor of ,punch sits for his ,portrait #add ,a ,model unawares and the ,result #ade ,sketch on a ,shirt-,cuff #adf ,mundella #adg ,mr4 ,labouchere #adi ,the ,m4,p4 ,real and ,ideal #aej ,the ,photo4 ,as he really is #aea ,dizzy 7,beaconsfield7 and ,gladstone #aed ,the ,inner ,lobby of the ,house of ,commons #aef ,explanation to ,illustration on page #aef #aeg ,lord ,beaconsfield4 ,a ,sketch from ,life #aeh ,the last ,visit of ,lord ,beaconsfield to the ,house #afa ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,a ,sketch from ,life #afc ,mr4 ,gladstone under his ,flow of ,eloquence #afe ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,conventional ,portrait #afg ,caricature of the ,holl ,portrait #afi ,note of ,mr4 ,gladstone made in the ,press ,gallery with the wrong end of a ,quill ,pen #aga ,invitation to a ,sandwich ,soire #agc ,mr4 ,gladstone sits on the ,floor #agd ,the ,fragment of ,punch ,mr4 ,gladstone did not see #age ,the ,gladstone ,matchbox #agf ,mr4 ,gladstone's ,collars #agh ,parnell #agi ,to ,room #ae #ahb ,outside ,room #ae #ahc ,outside my ,room #ahe ,the ,g4,o4,m4 and ,randy #ahe ,mr4 ,louis ,jennings #ahf ,lord ,randolph and ,louis ,jennings #ahh ,lord ,randolph ,churchill #ahi ,behind the ,speaker's ,chair #aij ,initial ,s #aia ,initial ,h #aic ,bradlaugh ,triumphant4 ,from ,punch #aid ,charles ,bradlaugh #aie ,the ,meet at ,st4 ,stephen's #aig ,sir ,george ,campbell #aii ,heraldic ,design illustrating ,mr4 ,plunkett's 7now ,lord ,rathmore7 ,joke #bja ,mr4 ,farmer ,atkinson #bjb ,i must ,introduce you to ,lucy4 ,here he is #bjc ,joseph ,gillis ,biggar #bjd ,initial ,i #bjf ,the ,house of ,commons from ,toby's ,private ,box #bjh ,the ,government ,bench--before ,home ,rule #baa ,reduction of one of my ,parliamentary ,pages in ,punch #bad ,initial ,t #bae ,age #bf1 when ,i first worked for ,punch #baf ,my first ,meeting with the ,editor of ,punch #bag ,my first ,invitation from ,punch #bah ,a ,letter from ,charles ,keene1 objecting to an ,editor interviewing him #bai ,robert #bbj ,george du ,maurier #bba ,suggestion by du ,maurier for ,punch ,cartoon #bbd ,du ,maurier's ,souvenir de ,fontainebleau4 ,from ,punch #bbe ,punch ,staff returning from ,paris #bbg ,japanese ,style #bbi ,birch--,his ,mark #bca ,chinese ,style4 ,from a ,drawing on ,wood #bcb ,familiar ,faces #bcd ,an ,official in the ,press ,gallery #bce ,he spies me #bcf ,what are you8 #bcf ,blowed if the ,country wants you #bch ,i feel smaller6 #bda ,the ,black ,beetle #bdb ,the ,sergeant-at-,arms' ,room #bdc ,capt4 ,gosset1 late ,sergeant-at-,arms #bdd ,my ,childish ,style in ,punch #bde ,a simple ,document #bdf ,i ,sketch the ,house #bdg ,dr4 ,percy4 ,the ,house ,up #bej ,mr4 ,punch's ,puzzle-,headed ,people4 ,mr4 ,goschen #bea ,mr4 ,punch's ,puzzle-,headed ,people4 ,all ,harcourts #beb ,the ,new ,cabinet #bee ,reduction of ,page in ,punch1 showing that my ,caricatures were--in this case--published too large #beh ,reduction from the ,original ,drawing1 showing that ,i gave ,instructions for the ,caricature to be reduced as usual #bei ,what really happened #bfa ,dr4 ,tanner #bfb ,assault on me in the ,house4 ,what the ,press described #bfc ,john ,burns #bfe ,note from ,sir ,frank ,lockwood1 after reading the ,bogus ,account of the ,assault #bff ,letter supposed to come from ,lord ,cross4 7,lockwood's ,joke7 #bfg ,sir ,f4 ,lockwood #bfi ,lewis ,carroll's ,suggestion1 and my sketch of it in ,punch #bgj ,nature's ,puzzle ,portrait #bga ,initial ,w #bgb ,three ,oarsmen under a ,tree #bgc ,lord ,russell's ,acceptance to dine with me #bge ,it's your ,turn next #bgg ,letter from ,sir ,frank ,lockwood #bgg ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne #bgh ,portrait of me as a ,member of the ,two ,pins ,club1 by ,linley ,sambourne #bgi ,the late ,lord ,russell1 the ,president of the ,two ,pins ,club #bhj ,furious ,riding4 ,sketch by ,f4 ,c4 ,gould #bhb ,my ,portrait1 by ,f4 ,c4 ,burnand #bhe ,mr4 ,punch doing the ,picture ,shows #bhf ,the ,picture ,shows4 ,design from ,punch #bhh ,the ,world-,renowned and ,talented ,barnardo ,family #bhi ,the ,great ,baccarat ,case4 ,my ,sketch in ,pencil made in ,court1 and ,congratulatory ,note from the ,editor of ,punch #bia ,letter from ,professor ,herkomer #bic ,a ,prisoner #bid ,good ,advertisement4 ,original ,idea as sent to me #big ,ditto4 ,my ,drawing of it in ,punch #big ,english ,waterproof ,ink #bii ,i sit for ,john ,brown #cjj ,a ,crib by an ,american ,advertiser #cja ,finis #cjb ,,confessions ,,of ,a ,,caricaturist4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,confessions ,,of ,,my ,,childhood--,,and ,,after4 ,introductory--,birth and ,parentage--,the ,cause of my remaining a ,caricaturist--,the ,schoolboys' ,punch--,infant ,prodigies--,as a ,student--,i ,start in ,life--,zozimus--,the ,sullivan ,brothers--,pigott--,the ,forger--,the ,irish ,pathriot--,wood ,engraving--,tom ,taylor--,the ,wild ,west--,judy--,behind the ,scenes--,titiens--,my ,first and ,last ,appearance in a ,play--,my ,journey to ,london--,my ,companion--,a ,coincidence4 ,illustration ,in offering the following pages to the public1 ,i should like it to be known that no interviewer has extracted them from me by the thumbscrew of a morning call1 nor have they been wheedled out of me by the caresses of those iron-maidens of literature1 the publishers4 ,for the most part they have been penned in odd half-hours as ,i sat in my easy-chair in the solitude of my studio1 surrounded by the aroma of the post-prandial cigarette4 ,i would also at the outset warn those who may purchase this work in the expectation of finding therein the revelations of a caricaturist's ,chamber of ,horrors1 that they will be disappointed4 ,some day ,i may be tempted to bring forth my skeletons from the seclusion of their cupboards and strip my mummies1 taking certain familiar figures and faces to pieces and exposing not only the jewels with which they were packed away1 but all those spicy secrets too which are so relished by scandal-loving readers4 ,at present1 however1 ,i am in an altogether lighter and more genial vein4 ,my confessions up to date are of a purely personal character1 and like a literary ,liliputian ,i am placing myself in the hand of that colossal ,gulliver the ,public4 ,i may1 it is true1 in the course of my remarks be led to retaliate to some extent upon those who have had the hardihood to assert that all caricaturists ought1 in the interest of historical accuracy1 to be shipped on board an unseaworthy craft and left in the middle of the ,channel1 for the crime of handing down to posterity distorted images of those now in the land of the living4 ,this ,i feel bound to do in self-defence1 as well as in the cause of truth1 for to judge by the biographical sketches of myself which continually appear and reach me through the medium of a press-cutting agency1 caricaturists as distorters of features are not so proficient as authors as distorters of facts4 ,i think it best therefore to begin by giving as briefly as possible an authentic outline of my early career4 ,for the benefit of anyone who may not feel particularly interested in such details1 ,i should mention that the narration of this plain unvarnished tale extends from this line to page #bi4 ,i was born in ,ireland1 in the town of ,wexford1 on ,march #bfth1 #ahed4 ,i do not1 however1 claim1 to be an ,irishman4 ,my father was a typical ,englishman1 hailing from ,yorkshire1 and not in his appearance only1 but in his tastes and sympathies1 he was an unmistakable ,john ,bull4 ,by profession he was a civil engineer1 and he migrated to ,ireland some years before ,i was born1 having been invited to throw some light upon that benighted counthry by designing and superintending the erection of gas works in various towns and cities4 ,my mother was ,scotch4 ,my great-great-grandfather was a captain in the ,pretender's army at ,culloden1 and had a son1 ,angus1 who settled in ,aberdeen4 ,when neas ,mac,kenzie1 my grandfather1 was born1 his family moved south and settled in ,newcastle-on-,tyne4 ,a local biographer writes of him3 ,a man who by dint of perseverance and self-denial acquired more learning than ninety-nine in a hundred ever got at a university--an accomplished and most trustworthy writer4 ,the real founder of the ,newcastle ,mechanics' ,institute1 and the leader of the group of ,philosophical ,radicals who made not a little stir in the ,north of ,england at the beginning of the last century4 ,he was not only a benevolent1 active member of society and an ardent politician 7,joseph ,cowen received his earliest impressions from him--and never forgot his indebtedness71 but the able historian of ,northumberland1 ,durham1 and of ,newcastle itself1 a town in which he spent his life and his energies4 ,if ,i possess any hereditary aptitude for journalism1 it is to him ,i owe it2 whilst to my mother1 who at a time when miniature painting was fashionable1 cultivated the natural artistic taste with much success1 ,i am directly indebted for such artistic faculties as are innate in me4 ,illustration ,my family moved from ,wexford to ,dublin when ,i was ten4 ,it is pleasant to know they left a good impression4 ,in ,miss ,mary ,banim's account of ,ireland ,i find the following reference to these aliens in ,wexford1 which ,i must allow my egotism to transcribe3 ,many are the kindly memories that remain in ,wexford of this warm-hearted1 gifted family1 who are said not only to be endowed with rare talents1 but1 better still1 with those qualities that endear people to those they meet in daily intercourse4 ,the flattering adjectives with which the remarks about myself are sandwiched prevent my modest nature from quoting any more4 ,however1 as one does not remember much of that period of their life before they reach their teens ,i need not apologise for quoting from the same work this reference to me at that age3 ,one who was his playmate--he is still a young man--describes ,mr4 ,furniss as very small of stature1 full of animation and merriment1 constantly amusing himself and his friends with clever6 reproductions of each humorous character or scene that met his eye in the ever-fruitful gallery of living art--gay1 grotesque1 pathetic1 even beautiful--that the streets and outlets of such a town as ,wexford present to a quick eye and a ready pencil4 ,i can appreciate the fact that at that early age ,i had an eye for the pathetic1 and even beautiful1 but1 alas6 ,i have been misunderstood from the day of my birth4 ,i used to sit and study the heavens before ,i could walk1 and my nurse1 a wise and shrewd woman1 predicted that ,i should become a great astronomer2 but instead of the works of ,herschel being put into my hands1 ,i was satiated with the vilest comic toy books1 and deluged with the frivolous nursery literature now happily a thing of the past4 ,at odd times my old leaning towards serious reflection and ambition for high art come over me1 but there is a fatality which dogs my footsteps and always at the critical moment ruins my hopes4 ,it is indeed strange how slight an incident may alter the whole course of one's life1 as will be seen from the following instance1 which ,i insert here although it took place some years after the period to which ,i am now alluding4 ,the scene was ,antwerp1 to which ,i was paying my first visit1 and where ,i was1 like all artists1 very much impressed and delighted with the cathedral of the quaint old place4 ,the afternoon was merging into evening as ,i entered the sacred building1 and the broad amber rays of the setting sun glowed amid the stately pillars and deepened the shadowy glamour of the solemn aisles4 ,as ,i gazed on the scene of grandeur ,i felt profoundly moved by the picturesque effect1 and the following morning discovered me hard at work upon a most elaborate study of the beautiful carved figures upon the confessional boxes4 ,i had just laid out my palette preparatory to painting that picture which would of course make my name and fortune1 when a hoarse and terribly ,british guffaw at my elbow startled me1 and turning round ,i encountered some acquaintances to whom the scene seemed to afford considerable amusement4 ,one of them was good enough to remark that to have come all the way to ,antwerp to find a caricaturist painting the confessional boxes in the cathedral was certainly the funniest thing he had ever heard of1 and thereupon insisted upon dragging me off to dine with him1 a proposition to which ,i immediately assented1 feeling far more foolish than ,i could possibly have looked4 ,i may add that as the sun that evening dipped beneath the western horizon1 so vanished the visions of high art by which ,i had been inspired1 and thus it is that ,michael ,angelo ,vandyck ,correggio ,raphael ,furniss lies buried in ,antwerp ,cathedral4 ,strangely enough ,i came across the following paragraph some years afterwards3 ,the guides of ,antwerp ,cathedral point out a grotesque in the wood carving of the choir which resembles almost exactly the head of ,mr4 ,gladstone1 as depicted by ,harry ,furniss4 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,father4 ,my earliest recollections are altogether too modern to be of much interest4 ,crimean heroes were veterans when they1 as guests at my father's table1 fought their battles o'er again4 ,the ,great ,eastern steamship was quite an old white elephant of the sea when ,i1 held up in my nurse's arms1 saw ,brunel's blunder pass ,greenore ,point4 ,i was hardly eligible for ,etons when our present ,king was married4 ,when first taken to church ,i was most interested1 as standing on tiptoe on the seat in our square family pew1 and peering into the next pew1 ,i saw a young governess1 at that moment the most talked-of woman in ,great ,britain1 the niece of the notorious poisoner ,palmer4 ,she had just returned from the condemned cell1 having made that scoundrel confess his crime1 and there was more pleasure in the sight than in listening to the good old ,rector ,elgee who had christened me1 or in seeing his famous daughter the poetess ,speranza1 otherwise known as ,lady ,wilde4 ,in the newspaper shop windows--always an attraction to me--the coloured portrait of ,garibaldi was fly-blown1 the pictures of the great fight between ,sayers and ,heenan were illustrations of ancient history1 and in the year ,i was born ,punch published his twenty-sixth volume4 ,illustration3 ,,harry ,,furniss1 ,,aged #aj4 ,leaving ,wexford before the railway there was opened1 my parents removed to the metropolis of ,ireland1 and ,i went to school in ,dublin at the age of twelve4 ,it was at the ,wesleyan ,connexional ,school1 now known as the ,wesleyan ,college1 ,st4 ,stephen's ,green1 that ,i struggled through my first pages of ,csar and stumbled over the pons asinorum1 and here ,i must mention that although the ,wesleyan ,college bears the name of the great religious reformer1 a considerable number of the boys who studied there--myself included--were in no way connected with the ,wesleyan body4 ,i merely say this because ,i have seen it stated more than once that ,i am a ,wesleyan1 and as this little sketch professes to be an authentic account of myself1 ,i wish it to be correct1 however trivial my remarks may seem to the general reader4 ,it is in the same spirit that ,i have disclaimed the honour of being an ,irishman4 ,once upon a time1 when ,i was a very little boy1 ,i remember being very much impressed by a heading in my copybook which ran3 ,he who can learn to write1 can learn to draw4 ,now this was putting the cart before the horse1 so far as my experience had gone1 for ,i could most certainly draw before ,i could write1 and had not only become an editor long before ,i was fit to be a contributor1 but was also a publisher before ,i had even seen a printing press4 ,in fact1 ,i was but a little urchin in knickerbockers when ,i brought out a periodical--in ,,ms4 it is true--of which the ambitious title was ,the ,schoolboys' ,punch4 ,the ingenuous simplicity with which ,i am universally credited by all who know me now had not then1 ,i fancy1 obtained complete possession of me4 ,i must have been artful1 designing1 diplomatic1 almost ,machiavellian2 for anxious to curry favour with the head master of my school1 ,i resolved to use the columns of ,the ,schoolboys' ,punch not so much in the interest of the schoolboy world as to attract the head master's favourable notice to the editor4 ,accordingly1 the first cartoon ,i drew for the paper was specially designed with this purpose in view1 and ,i need scarcely say it was highly complimentary to the head master4 ,he was represented in a ,poole-made suit of perfectly-fitting evening dress1 and the trousers1 ,i remember1 were particularly free from the slightest wrinkle1 and must have been extremely uncomfortable to the wearer4 ,this tailorish impossibility was matched by the tiny patent boots which encased the great man's small and exquisitely moulded feet4 ,i furnished him with a pair of dollish light eyes1 with long eyelashes carefully drawn in1 and as a masterstroke threw in the most taper-shaped waist4 ,the subject of the picture1 ,i flattered myself1 was selected with no little cleverness and originality4 ,a celebrated conjuror who had recently exposed the frauds of the ,davenport ,brothers was at the moment creating a sensation in the town where the school was situated1 and from that incident ,i determined to draw my inspiration4 ,the magnitude of the design and the importance of the occasion seemed to demand a double-paged cartoon4 ,on one side ,i depicted a hopelessly scared little schoolboy1 not unlike myself at the time1 tightly corded in a cabinet1 which represented the school1 with trailing ,latin roots1 heavy ,greek exercises1 and chains of figures4 ,the door1 supposed to be closed on this distressing but necessary situation1 is observed in the opposite cartoon to be majestically thrown open by the beaming and consciously successful head master1 in order to allow a young college student1 the pink of scholastic perfection1 to step out1 loaded with learning and academical honours4 ,great events from little causes spring6--great1 at least1 to me4 ,so well was my juvenile effort received1 that it is not too much to say it decided my future career4 ,had my subtle flattery taken the shape of a written panegyric upon the head master in lieu of a cartoon1 it is possible that ,i might1 had ,i met with equal success1 have devoted myself to journalism and literature2 but from that day forward ,i clung to the pencil1 and in a few years was regularly contributing cartoons to public journals1 and practising the profession ,i have ever since pursued4 ,drawing1 in fact1 seemed to come to me naturally and intuitively4 ,this was well for me1 for small indeed was the instruction ,i received4 ,i recollect that a ,german governess1 who professed1 among other things1 to teach drawing1 undertook to cultivate my genius2 but ,i derived little benefit from her unique system1 as it consisted in placing over the paper the drawing to be copied1 and pricking the leading points with a pin1 after which1 the copy being removed1 the lines were drawn from one point to another4 ,the copies were of course soon perforated beyond recognition1 and1 although ,i warmly protested against this sacrilege of art1 she explained that it was by that system that ,albert ,drer had been taught4 ,this1 of course1 accounts for our having infant prodigies in art1 as well as music and the drama4 ,the rapidity with which ,master ,hoffmann was followed by infantile ,lizsts and little ,otto ,hegner as soon as it became apparent that there was a demand for such phenomena1 seems to indicate that in music at all events supply will follow demand as a matter of course1 and if the infant artist can only be crammed in daubing on canvas as youthful musicians are in playing on the piano1 then perhaps a new sensation is in store for the artistic world1 and we shall see babies executing replicas of the old masters1 and the ,infant ,slapdash painter painting the portraits of ,society beauties4 ,as a welcome relief to ,chopin's ,nocturne in ,d flat1 played by ,baby ,hegner at ,st4 ,james's ,hall1 we shall step across to ,bond ,street and behold ,le ,petit ,amricain dashing off his ,nocturne on canvas4 ,i sometimes wonder if ,i might have been made such an infant art prodigy1 but when ,i was a lad public taste was not in its second childhood in matters of art patronage1 nor was the forcing of children practised in the same manner as it is nowadays4 ,naturally enough ,i did not altogether escape the thraldom of the drawing-master1 and as years went on ,i made a really serious effort to study at an art school under the ,kensington system1 which ,i must confess ,i believe to be positively prejudicial to a young artist possessing imagination and originality4 ,the late ,lord ,beaconsfield made one of his characters in ,lothair declare that critics are those who have failed in literature and art4 ,whether this is true as to the art critics1 or that the dramatic critic is generally a disappointed playwright1 it must in truth be said that drawing-masters are nearly always those who have failed in art4 ,i can remember one gentleman who was the especial terror of my youth4 ,i can see him now going his rounds along the chilly corridor1 where1 perhaps1 one had been placed to draw something from the flat4 ,after years and years of practice at this rubbish1 he would halt beside you1 look at your work in a perfunctory manner1 and with a dexterity which appalled you until you reflected that he had been doing the same thing exactly1 and nothing else1 for perhaps a decade1 he would draw in a section of a leaf1 and if1 as in my case1 you happened to have a pretty sister attending the ladies' class in the school1 he would add leaf to leaf until your whole paper was covered with his mechanical handiwork1 in order to have a little extra conversation with you1 although1 ,i need scarcely add1 it was not exclusively confined to the subject of art4 ,this sort of thing was called instruction in freehand drawing1 and had to be endured and persisted in for months and months4 ,freehand6 ,shade of ,apelles6 ,what is there free in squinting and measuring1 and feebly touching in and fiercely rubbing out a collection of straggling mechanical pencil lines on a piece of paper pinned on to a hard board1 which after a few weeks becomes nothing but a confused jumble of fingermarks8 ,had ,i an ,art ,school ,i would treat my students according to their individual requirements1 just as a doctor treats his patients4 ,i am led here to repeat what ,i have already observed in one of my lectures1 that for the young the pill of knowledge should be silver-coated1 and that while they are being instructed they should also be amused4 ,in other words1 interest your pupils1 do not depress them4 ,giotto did not begin by rigidly elaborating a drawing of the crook of his shepherd's staff for weeks together2 his drawings upon the sand and upon the flat stones which he found on the hillsides are said to have been of the picturesque sheep he tended1 and all the interesting and fascinating objects that met his eye4 ,then1 when his hand had gained practice1 he was able to draw that perfect circle which he sent to the ,pope as a proof of his command of hand4 ,but the truth is that we begin at the wrong end1 and try to make our boys draw a perfect circle before they are in love with drawing at all4 ,for my part1 ,i had to endure some weeks of weary struggling with a cone and ball and other chilly objects1 the effect of which was to fill my mind with an overwhelming sense of the dreariness of art education under the ,kensington system4 ,a short time1 therefore1 sufficed to disgust me with the ,art ,school1 and ,i preferred to stay at home caricaturing my relatives1 educating myself1 and practising alone the rudiments of my art4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,caricature1 ,,made ,,when ,a ,,boy 7,,never ,,published74 ,,dublin ,,exhibition4 ,,portrait ,,of ,,sir ,a4 ,,guinness 7,,now ,,lord ,,iveagh7 ,,in ,,centre4 ,early in my teens1 however1 ,i was invited to join the ,life ,school of the ,hibernian ,academy1 as there happened to be a paucity of students at that institution1 and in order to secure the ,government grant it was necessary to bring them up to the required number4 ,but here also there was no idea of proper teaching4 ,some fossilised member of the ,academy would stand about roasting his toes over the stove4 ,a recollection of a fair specimen of the body still haunts me4 ,he used to roll round the easels1 and you became conscious of his approaching presence by an aroma of onions4 ,i believe he was a landscape painter1 and saw no more beauty in the female form divine than in a haystack4 ,it was his custom to take up a huge piece of charcoal and come down upon one of your delicately drawn pencil lines of a figure with a terrible stroke about an inch wide4 ,there1 me boy1 he would exclaim1 that's what it wants1 and walk on1 leaving you in doubt upon which side of the line you had drawn he intended his alteration to come4 ,i soon decided to have my own models and study for myself1 and this practice ,i have maintained to the present day4 ,i really don't know what ,mrs4 ,grundy would have said if she had known that at this early age ,i was drawing ,venuses from the life1 instead of tinting the illustrations to ,robinson ,crusoe or ,gulliver's ,travels in my playroom at home4 ,few imagine that a caricaturist requires models to draw from4 ,although ,i will not further digress at this point1 ,i may perhaps be pardoned if ,i return later on in this book to the explanation of my modus operandi--a subject which1 if ,i may judge from the number of letters ,i receive about it1 is likely to prove of interest to a large number of my readers4 ,it was when ,i was still quite a boy that my first great chance came4 ,being in ,dublin1 ,i was asked one day by my friend the late ,mr4 ,a4 ,m4 ,sullivan to make some illustrations for a paper called ,zozimus1 of which he was the editor and founder4 ,as a matter of fact1 ,zozimus was the ,irish ,punch4 ,mr4 ,sullivan1 who was a ,nationalist1 and a man of exceptional energy and ability1 began life as an artist4 ,he came to ,dublin1 ,i was told1 as a very young man1 and began to paint2 but the sails of his ships were pronounced to be far too yellow1 the seas on which the vessels floated were derided as being far too green1 while the skies above them were scoffed at as being far too blue4 ,in these adverse circumstances1 then1 the artist soon drifted into journalism1 and1 inducing his brothers to join him in his new venture1 thenceforth took up the pen and abandoned the brush4 ,each member of the family became a well-known figure in ,parliamentary life4 ,mr4 ,t4 ,d4 ,sullivan1 the poet of the ,irish ,party1 is still a well-known figure in the world of politics2 but my friend ,mr4 ,a4 ,m4 ,sullivan1 who died some years ago1 belonged rather to the more moderate rgime which prevailed in the ,irish ,party during the leadership of ,mr4 ,butt4 ,at the time when ,i first made his acquaintance he was the editor and moving spirit of the ,nation4 ,it was a curious office1 and ,i can recall many whom ,i first met there who have since come more or less prominently to the front in public life4 ,there was ,mr4 ,sexton1 whom my friend ,toby has since christened ,windbag ,sexton in his ,parliamentary reports4 ,mr4 ,sexton then presided over the scissors and paste department of the journals owned by ,mr4 ,a4 ,m4 ,sullivan1 and1 unlike the posing orator he afterwards became1 was at that early stage of his career of a very modest and retiring disposition4 ,mr4 ,leamy also1 ,i think1 was connected with the staff1 while ,mr4 ,dennis ,sullivan superintended the sale of the papers in the publishing department4 ,but the central figure in the office was unquestionably the editor and proprietor1 ,mr4 ,a4 ,m4 ,sullivan4 ,his personality was of itself remarkable4 ,possessed of wonderful energy and nerve1 he was a confirmed teetotaller1 and his prominent eyes1 beaming with intelligence1 seemed almost to be starting from his head as1 intent upon some project1 he darted about the office1 ever and anon checking his erratic movements to give further directions to his subordinates1 when he had a funny habit of placing his hand on his mouth and blowing his moustache through his fingers1 much to the amusement of his listeners1 and to my astonishment1 as ,i stood modestly in a corner of the editorial sanctum observing with awe the great ,mr4 ,sexton1 who1 amid the distractions of scissors and paste1 would drawl out a sentence or two in a voice strongly resembling the sarcastic tones of ,mr4 ,labouchere4 ,in another part of the office sat ,mr4 ,t4 ,d4 ,sullivan1 the poet aforesaid1 who1 like his brother1 is a genial and kindly man at heart1 although possessing the volcanic temperament characteristic of his family4 ,there he sat--a poet with a large family--his hair dishevelled1 his trousers worked by excitement halfway up his calves1 emitting various stertorous sounds after the manner of his brother1 as he savagely tore open the recently-arrived ,english newspapers4 ,such was the interior of the office of the ,nation1 the representative organ of the most advanced type of the ,national ,press of ,ireland4 ,but ,zozimus1 the paper to which ,i was then contributing1 had nothing in common with the rest of the publications issuing from that office4 ,it was of a purely social character1 and was a praiseworthy attempt to do something of a more artistic nature than the coarsely-conceived and coarsely-executed ,national cartoons which were the only specimens of illustrative art produced in ,ireland4 ,fortunately for me1 there was an effort made in ,dublin just then to produce a better class of publications1 and the result was that ,i began to get fairly busy1 although it was merely a wave of artistic energy1 which did not last long1 but soon subsided into that dead level of mediocrity which does not appear likely to be again disturbed4 ,i was now in my seventeenth year1 and1 intent on making as much hay as possible the while the sun shone1 ,i accepted every kind of work that was offered me2 and a strange medley it was4 ,religious books1 medical works1 scientific treatises1 scholastic primers and story books afforded in turn illustrative material for my pencil4 ,one week ,i was engaged upon designs for the most advanced ,catholic and ,jesuitical manuals1 and the next upon similar work for a ,protestant prayer-book4 ,at one moment it seemed as if ,i were destined to achieve fame as an artist of the ambulance corps and the dissecting-room4 ,one of my earliest dreams--which ,i attribute to the fact that my eldest brother1 with whom ,i had much in common1 was a doctor--had been to adopt the medical profession4 ,curiously enough1 my brother also had a taste for caricaturing1 and1 like the illustrious ,john ,leech in his medical student days1 he was wont to embellish his notes in the hospital lecture-room with pictorial jeux d'esprit of a livelier cast than those for which scope is usually afforded by the discourses of the learned ,mr4 ,sawbones4 ,i remember that about this period a leading surgeon was anxious that ,i should devote myself to the pursuit of this anything but pleasant form of art1 and seriously proposed that ,i should draw and paint for him some of his surgical cases4 ,i accepted his offer without hesitation1 and1 burning to distinguish myself as an anatomical expert with the brush1 ,i gave instruction to our family butcher to send me1 as a model to study from1 a kidney1 which was to be the acme of goriness and as repulsive in appearance as possible4 ,of this piece of uncooked meat ,i made a quite pre-,raphaelite study in water-colours1 but so realistic was the result that the effect it had upon me was the very antithesis to what ,i anticipated1 disgusting me to such an extent that ,i not only declined to pursue further anatomical illustration1 but for years afterwards was quite unable to touch a kidney1 although ,i believe that had ,i selected a calf's head or a sucking-pig for my maiden effort in this direction1 ,i might by now have blossomed into a ,rembrandt or a ,landseer4 ,illustration3 ,,an ,,early ,,illustration ,,on ,,wood ,,by ,,harry ,,furniss4 ,,partly ,,engraved ,,by ,,him4 ,amongst other incidents which occurred during this period of my life was one which it now almost makes me shudder to think of4 ,i was commissioned by no less a personage than the late ,mr4 ,pigott1 of ,parnell ,commission notoriety1 to illustrate for him a story of the broadest ,irish humour4 ,little did ,i think when ,i entered his office in ,abbey ,street1 ,dublin1 and had an interview with the genial and pleasant-looking little man with the eye-glass1 that he would one day play so prominent a rle in the ,parliamentary drama1 or that the weak little arm he extended to me was destined years afterwards to be the instrument of a tragedy4 ,i can truly say1 at all events1 my recollection as a boy of sixteen of the great ,times forger is by no means unfavourable1 and he dwells in my memory as one of the most pleasant and genial of men4 ,i ought1 perhaps1 to say that in feeling ,i was anything but a ,nationalist1 because in ,ireland1 generally speaking1 you must be either black or white4 ,but like a lawyer who takes his brief from every source1 ,i never studied who my clients were when they required my juvenile services4 ,although ,i was not of ,irish parentage and did not lean towards ,nationalism in politics1 it was necessary to sympathise now and then with the down-trodden race4 ,for instance1 ,i remember that one evening a respectable-looking mechanic called at my fathers house and requested to see me4 ,his manner was strange and mysterious1 and as he wanted to see me alone1 ,i took him into an anteroom1 where1 with my hand on the door handle and the other within easy distance of the bell1 ,i asked the excitable-looking stranger the nature of his business4 ,pulling from his pocket a roll of one-pound ,irish bank-notes1 he thrust them into my hand1 and besought me at the same time not to refuse the request he was about to make4 ,an idea flashed through my mind that perhaps he had seen me coming out of the offices of the ,national ,press1 and had jumped to the conclusion that ,i could therefore be bought over to perpetrate some terrible political crime4 ,i even imagined that in the roll of notes ,i should find the knife with which the fell deed had to be done4 ,seeing that ,i shrank from him1 he seized hold of my arm1 and1 in a most pitiable voice1 said3 ,don't1 young sorr1 refuse me what ,i am about to ask you4 ,i'm only a working man1 but here are all my savings1 which you may take if you will just dhraw me a picter to be placed at the top of a complete set of photographs of our ,irish leaders4 ,i want ,britannia at the head of the group1 a bastely dhrunken old hag1 wid her fut on the throat of the beautiful ,erin1 who is to be bound hand and fut wid chains1 and being baten and starved4 ,thin ,i want prisons at the sides1 showing the grand sons of ,ould ,oireland dying in their cells by torture1 whilst a fine ,oirish liberator wid dhrawn sword is just on the point of killing ,britannia outright1 and so saving his disthressful country4 ,about this time someone had been good enough to inform me that all black and white artists are in the habit of engraving their own work1 and1 religiously believing this1 ,i duly provided myself with some engraving tools1 bought some boxwood1 a jeweller's eye-glass1 and a sand bag1 without which no engraver's table can be said to be complete4 ,then1 setting to work to practise the difficult art1 ,i struggled on as best ,i could1 until one fine day a professional engraver enlightened me upon the matter4 ,i need scarcely say he went into fits of laughter when ,i told him that every artist was expected to be a ,bewick1 and he pointed out to me that not only do artists as a rule know very little about engraving1 but in addition they have often only a limited knowledge of how to draw for engravers4 ,however1 thinking ,i should better understand the difficulties of drawing for publishers if ,i first mastered the technical art of reproduction1 with the assistance of the engraver aforesaid ,i rapidly acquired sufficient dexterity with the tools to engrave my own drawings1 and this ,i continued to do until ,i left ,dublin1 at the age of nineteen4 ,since then ,i have never utilised one of my gravers1 except to pick a lock or open a box of sardines4 ,nor is this to be wondered at1 considering that one can make a drawing in an hour which takes a week to engrave1 and that an engraver may take five guineas for his share of the work whilst an artist may get fifty4 ,there is very little doubt1 therefore1 as to the reason why artists who can draw refrain from engraving their own work4 ,illustration3 ,,sketches ,,in ,,galway4 ,republished by permission of the proprietors of the ,illustrated ,london ,news4 ,in the studio of the engraver to whom ,i have above referred there hung a huge map of ,london1 and as ,i used to pore over it ,i took many an imaginary walk down ,fleet ,street1 many a canter in the ,row1 and many a voyage to ,greenwich on a penny steamboat1 before ,i bade adieu to dear dirty ,dublin in the year #ahgc1 and1 as many have done before me1 arrived in the little village in search of fame and wealth4 ,just prior to my leaving ,ireland for the land of my parents ,i met no less an editor than ,tom ,taylor1 who was then the presiding genius of the ,punch table1 and he gave me every encouragement to hasten my migration4 ,he1 however1 had just returned from the wilds of ,connemara1 and before setting my face in the direction of ,holyhead he strongly advised me also to pay a visit to the trackless wastes of the ,western country1 for the purpose of committing to paper the lineaments of the natives indigenous to the soil4 ,this ,i did a week or so before quitting the land of my birth1 and the sketches ,i made upon that occasion formed part of my stock-in-trade when ,i arrived in ,london4 ,after making the accompanying page of studies1 ,i strolled along the bank of the river2 and while sketching some men breaking stones an incident happened which first aroused me to the fact that the lot of the sketching artist is not always a happy one4 ,a fiend in human shape--an overbearing overseer--came up at the moment1 and roundly abused the poor labourers for taking the base ,saxon's coin4 ,inciting them to believe that ,i was a special informer from ,london1 he laughed on my declaring that ,i was merely a novice1 and informed me that ,i ought to be dhrounded4 ,he was about to suit the action to the word and pitch me into the salmon-stuffed river when he was stopped by the mediation of my models1 and ,i escaped from the grip of the agitator4 ,in due course ,i found myself in the ,claddagh1 a village of mud huts1 which formed the frontispiece by ,john ,leech to ,a ,little ,tour in ,ireland by ,an ,oxonian1 a village of miserable cabins1 the walls of mud and stone1 and for the most part windowless1 the floors damp and dirty1 and the roofs a mass of rotten straw and weeds4 ,pigs and fowls mixed up with boats and fish refuse4 ,women old1 dried and ugly2 girls young1 dark1 of ,spanish type1 scantily dressed in bright-coloured short garments1 all tattered and torn2 and children grotesque beyond description4 ,i sketch three members of one family clothed 767 in the three articles of attire discarded by their father--one claimed the coat1 another the trousers1 whilst the third had only a waistcoat4 ,no doubt ,leech had seen the same sixteen years before1 when he was there2 and if the ,oxonian1 who survives him--,canon ,hole1 of ,rochester--were to make another little tour in ,ireland1 he would find the ,claddagh still a spot to give an ,englishman a new sensation4 ,all ,i can say is1 that having escaped a dhrouning in the river when in ,galway in #ahgc1 ,i have visited many countries and seen much filth and misery1 but ,i have seen nothing approaching the sad squalor of the wild ,west of ,ireland4 ,the majority of those ,i sketched were hardly human4 ,tom ,taylor was right--,i would find such characters there not to be found in all the world over1 and ,i haven't4 ,the people got on my overstrung youthful nerves4 ,i left the country the moment ,i had sufficient material for my sketches4 ,i had shaken off the unpleasant feeling of being murdered in the river4 ,i had survived living a week or two in the worst inns in the world4 ,i had risked typhoid and every other disease fostered by the insanitary surroundings--for ,i had to hide myself in narrow turnings and obnoxious corners so as to sketch unseen1 as the religion of the natives opposed any attempt to have themselves dhrawn1 believing that the destruction of their pictur' would be fatal to their souls6 ,i had sketched the famous house in ,deadman's ,lane--and listened as ,i sketched it1 in the falling shades of night1 to the old1 old story of ,fitz-,stephen the ,warden1 who had lived there1 and had in virtue of his office to assist at the hanging of his own son4 ,and1 when in the dark ,i was strolling back to my hotel1 my reflections were suddenly interrupted by something powerful seizing me in a grip of iron round my leg4 ,i was held as in a vice1 and could hardly move1 by what--a huge dog--a wolf8 ,no1 something heavier2 something more hideous2 something clothed6 ,as ,i dragged it under a lamp ,i saw revealed a huge head1 covered by a black skull cap--a man's head--a dwarf1 muttering in ,irish something ,i could not understand--except one word1 ,judy6 ,judy6 ,judy6 ,it was a woman of extraordinary strength thus clasped on to me4 ,i dragged her to the hotel door1 where ,i engaged an interpreter in the shape of the boots1 and made a bargain with ,judy to release me on my giving her one shilling1 and to sit to me for this sketch for half-a-crown4 ,i have still a lively recollection of the vice-like grip4 ,illustration3 ,,judy1 ,,the ,,galway ,,dwarf4 ,my friend who had introduced me to the editor of ,punch was a prominent city official1 and entertainer in chief of all men of talent from ,london1 and was also1 like ,tom ,taylor1 an author and dramatist2 and when ,i was a boy ,i illustrated one of his first stories4 ,he also introduced me behind the scenes at the old ,theatre ,royal4 ,i recollect my boyish delight when one day ,i was on the stage during the rehearsal of the ,italian opera4 ,shall ,i ever forget that treat8 ,it was much greater in my eyes than the real performance later on4 ,if my memory serves1 ,don ,giovanni was the opera4 ,one of the principals was suddenly taken ill1 and this rehearsal was called for the benefit of the understudy4 ,he was a dumpy1 puffy little ,italian1 and played the heavy father4 ,madame ,titiens was--well--the heavy daughter4 ,in the first scene she has to throw herself upon her prostrate father4 ,this is the incident ,i saw rehearsed3 the little fat father lay on the dusty stage1 with one eye on the ,o4,p4 side4 ,as soon as the massive form of ,titiens bore down upon him he rolled over and over out of the way4 ,this pantomime highly amused all of us1 the ever-jovial ,titiens in particular1 and she again and again rushed laughingly in1 but with the same result4 ,the first actor ,i ever saw perform was ,phelps1 in ,the ,man of the ,world4 ,if anything could disillusionise a youth regarding the romance of the theatre1 that play surely would4 ,be it to my credit that my first impression was admiration for a fine--if dull--performance4 ,from that day ,i have been a constant theatre-goer4 ,if ,i am to believe the following anecdote1 published in a ,dublin paper a few years ago1 ,i did the theatre in style1 and had an early taste which ,i did not possess for making jokes4 ,the jarvey drove ,harry ,furniss1 when a boy1 down to the old ,theatre ,royal1 ,dublin4 ,on the way there ,jehu enquired of the budding artist whether it was true that the roof was provided with a tank whence every part of the building could be deluged1 shower-bath fashion1 if necessary4 ',yes1' replied ,raphael junior2 'and1 you see1 ,i always bring an umbrella in case of fire4' ,illustration3 ,,phelps1 ,,the ,,first ,,actor ,i ,,saw4 ,i may confess that ,i have only once appeared in theatricals1 and that was in high comedy as a member of the ,dublin ,amateur ,theatrical ,society4 ,the play was ,she ,stoops to ,conquer1 and ,i took the part of--think6--,mrs4 ,hardcastle4 ,i was only seventeen1 and very small for my age1 so ,i owe any success ,i may have made to the costumier and wig-maker4 ,the ,tony ,lumpkin was so excellent that he adopted the stage as his profession1 and became a very popular comedian2 and our ,diggory is now a judge--and a good judge too--in the ,high ,court4 ,it was on a bright1 breezy morning late in ,july1 #ahgc1 ,i shook the dust of dear dirty ,dublin off my feet4 ,with the exception of the ,welsh railways1 the ,irish are notoriously the slowest in the world1 and on that particular morning the mail train seemed to my impatient mind to progress pig-ways4 ,the engine was attached to the rear of the train and faced the station1 so that when it began to pull it was only the parvarsity in the baste caused it to go in the opposite direction1 towards ,kingstown1 in an erratic1 spasmodic1 and uncertain fashion1 so that the eight miles journey seemed to me eighty4 ,it was quite a tedious journey to ,salthill and ,blackrock4 ,at the latter station ,i saw for the last time the porter famous for being the slave of habit4 ,for years it had been his duty to call out the name of the station1 ,blackrock6 ,blackrock6 ,blackrock6 ,in due course he was removed to ,salthill station1 on the same line1 and well do ,i remember how he puzzled many a ,saxon tourist by his calling out continually1 ,blackrock--,salthill-,i-mane6 ,blackrock--,salthill-,i-mane6 ,no doubt the traveller put this chronic absent-mindedness down to ,irish humour4 ,i must confess that ,i agree in a great measure with the opinion of the late ,t4 ,w4 ,robertson 7author of ,caste1 ,school1 c471 that the witticisms of ,irish carmen and others are the ingenious inventions of ,charles ,lever1 ,samuel ,lover1 ,william ,carleton1 and other educated men4 ,illustration3 ,,mrs4 ,,hardcastle4 ,,mr4 ,,harry ,,furniss1 ,,from ,,an ,,early ,,sketch4 ,dickens failed to see ,irish humour1 or in fact to understand what was meant by it4 ,so when he was on tour with his readings a friend of mine1 who was his host1 in the ,north1 undertook to initiate him into the mysteries of ,irish wit4 ,as a sample he gave ,dickens the following3 ,a definition of nothing1--a footless stocking without a leg4 ,this conveyed nothing whatever to the mind of the greatest of ,english humourists2 but when my friend took him to a certain spot and showed him a wall built round a vacant space1 and explained to him that the native masons were instructed to build a wall round an old ruined church to protect it1 and pulled down the church for the material to build the wall1 he laughed heartily1 and acknowledged the ,irish had a sense of humour after all1--if not1 a quaint absence of it4 ,to me so-called ,irish wit is a curious combination not wholly dependent on humour1 and frequently unconscious4 ,there is a story that when ,mr4 ,beerbohm ,tree arrived in ,dublin he was received by a crowd of his admirers1 and jumping on to a car said to his jarvey1 ,splendid reception that1 driver6 ,the jarvey thought a moment1 and replied1 ,maybe ye think so1 but begorrah1 it ain't a patch on the small-pox scare6 ,was that meant8 ,the poor ,saxon towrist--what he may suffer in the ,emerald ,isle6 ,there is a story on record of three ,irishmen rushing away from the race meeting at ,punchestown to catch a train back to ,dublin4 ,at the moment a train from a long distance pulled up at the station1 and the three men scrambled in4 ,in the carriage was seated one other passenger4 ,as soon as they had regained their breath1 one said3 ,pat1 have you got th' tickets8 ,what tickets8 ,i've got me loife2 ,i thought ,i'd have lost that gettin' in th' thrain4 ,have you got 'em1 ,moike8 ,oi1 begorrah1 ,i haven't4 ,oh1 we're all done for thin1 said the third4 ,they'll charge us roight from the other soide of ,oireland4 ,the old gentleman looked over his newspaper and said3 ,you are quite safe1 gintlemen2 wait till we get to the next station4 ,they all three looked at each other4 ,bedad1 he's a directhor1--we're done for now entoirely4 ,but as soon as the train pulled up the little gentleman jumped out and came back with three first-class tickets4 ,handing them to the astonished strangers1 he said1 ,whist1 ,i'll tell ye how ,i did it4 ,i wint along the thrain--',tickets plaze1 tickets plaze1' ,i called1 and these belong to three ,saxon towrists in another carriage4 ,on the morning ,i left ,ireland to seek my fortune in ,london ,i had a youthful notion that1 once on the mainland of my parents' country1 ,st4 ,paul's and the smoke of ,london would be visible2 but we had passed through the ,menai tunnel1 grazed ,conway ,castle walls1 and skirted miles of the ,welsh rock-bound coast1 and yet no ,st4 ,paul's was visible to my naked eye which was plastered against the window-pane of the carriage4 ,the other eye1 clothed and in its right mind1 inspected the carriage and discovered that there were two other occupants--a lady and her maid4 ,these interesting passengers had recovered from the effects of the ,channel passage1 and were eating their lunch4 ,the lady politely offered me some sandwiches4 ,no1 thanks1 ,i replied2 ,i shall lunch in ,london4 ,this reminds me of a story ,i heard when ,i was in ,america1 of two young ,english ladies arriving at ,new ,york4 ,they immediately entered the ,northern ,express at the ,west ,central4 ,about #g o'clock in the evening they arrived at ,niagara--half an hour or so is given to the passengers to alight and look at the wonderful ,falls4 ,the gentleman who told me the story informed me that as the two ladies were getting back into the carriage he asked them if they were going to dine at once4 ,they1 ignorant of the vastness of the gre--e--at country ,amuraka1 replied1 ,oh1 no1 thanks1 we are going to dine with our friends when we arrive4 ,it can't be long now1 we have been travelling so fast all the day6 ,and may ,i ask1 young ladies1 where your friends live8 ,we are going to an uncle who has been taken suddenly ill in ,san ,francisco4 ,these young ladies would have had to wait certainly five days for their dinner1--,i only five hours4 ,the strange lady and ,i conversed a great deal on various topics4 ,by degrees she discovered that ,i was a young artist1 friendless1 and on his way to the great city to battle with fortune4 ,i may have told her of my history1 of my youthful ambitions and my professional plans1--anyway she told me of hers1 and1 while her maid was lazily slumbering1 she confessed to me her troubles4 ,my story1 she said1 is a sad one4 ,i am of good family1 and ,i married a well-known professional ,london man4 ,he turned out to be a gambler1 and ran through my money1 and ,i returned to my parents4 ,i have left them this morning again1 and1 like you1 ,i am now on my way to ,london to start in life1 and if possible make my own living4 ,you see my appearance is not altogether unprepossessing 7she was tall1 singularly handsome1 a refined woman of style7 444 ,i bowed 444 ,well1 ,i am also fortunate in having a good voice1 it is well-trained1 and ,i am going to ,london to sing as a paid professional in the houses in which ,i have formerly been a guest4 ,i sympathised with her1 and she continued1 weeping1 to relate to me events of her unhappy married life until we arrived at ,euston4 ,i saw her and her maid into a four-wheeler1 and ,i saw their luggage on the top4 ,she gave me her card with her parents' address in ,london written on it1 and requested that ,i would write to her at that address1 as she would like to hear how ,i got on in ,london4 ,i never saw her again4 ,but ,i did write home1 and found there was such a lady1 her family were well-known society people in ,ireland1 and that her marriage had not been a happy one4 ,after three years in ,london ,i ran over to ,ireland to see my parents4 ,on my return ,i seemed to miss the charming companion of my journey over the same ground three years previously4 ,two uninteresting men were in the carriage3 a typical ,german professor on tour1 and communicative2 and a typical ,english gentleman1 uncommunicative4 ,as the journey was a long one the ,german smoked1 ate and drank himself to sleep1 and after some hours the other man and ,i exchanged a word4 ,the fact is ,i thought ,i knew his face1--,i told him so4 ,he thought he knew mine4 ,had we gone to school together8 ,no4 ,he was at least ten years my senior4 ,it happened he had been to school with my half-brother 7my father was married twice1--,i am the youngest son of his second family74 ,we chatted freely about each other's family and on various topics1 including the sleeping ,teuton in the corner4 ,i incidentally mentioned my last journey4 ,the lady interested him1 so ,i told him of the way in which she confessed to me4 ,i waxed eloquent over her wrongs4 ,he got still more excited as ,i described her husband as she described him to me2 and as the train rolled into ,euston1 he said1 ,well1 you know who ,i am1 ,i know who you are1--,i'll tell you one thing more3 that woman's story is perfectly true--,i'm her husband6 ,that was one of the most extraordinary coincidences which ever happened to me4 ,three years after meeting the wife1 over the same journey1 at the same time of the year1 ,i meet the husband2 and ,i had never been the journey in the meantime4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,bohemian ,,confessions4 ,i arrive in ,london--,a ,rogue and ,vagabond--,two ,ladies--,letters of ,introduction--,bohemia--,a ,distinguished ,member--,my ,double--,a ,rara ,avis--,the ,duke of ,broadacres--,the ,savages--,a ,souvenir---,portraits of the ,past--,j4 ,l4 ,toole--,art and ,artists--,sir ,spencer ,wells--,john ,pettie--,milton's ,garden4 ,i did not make my appearance in ,london with merely the proverbial half-crown in my pocket1 nor was ,i breathlessly expectant to find the streets paved with gold4 ,thanks chiefly to my savings in ,dublin1 my balance at my bankers' was sufficient to keep me for at least a year1 and as soon as the editors returned from their summer holidays ,i was fortunate enough to procure commissions1 which have been pouring in pretty steadily ever since4 ,illustration3 ,,caricature ,,of ,,myself1 ,,drawn ,,when ,i ,,first ,,arrived ,,in ,,london4 ,it was with a strange feeling that ,i found myself for the first time in ,london1 among four millions of people1 with not one of whom ,i could claim acquaintance1 and ,i think it will not be out of place if ,i here offer a hint which may possibly be of use to other young men who are placed in similar circumstances4 ,upon first coming to the metropolis1 then1 let them invariably act1 in as much as it is possible1 as if they were ,londoners old and seasoned4 ,to stand gazing at ,st4 ,paul's with mouth agape and eyes astare1 or to enquire your way to the ,national ,gallery or ,madame ,tussaud's1 is a sure means of finding yourself ere long in the hands of the unscrupulous and designing4 ,for my part1 as ,i took my first admiring peep at the masterpiece of ,sir ,christopher1 ,i whistled to myself with an air of nonchalance1 and as ,i passed down ,fleet ,street ,i made a point of nodding familiarly to the passers-by as if ,i were already a frequent habitu of the thoroughfare of letters4 ,did ,i find myself accosted by any particularly ingenuous stranger asking his way1 ,i always promptly told him to go on as straight as ever he could go--a piece of advice which1 coming from one so young1 ,i think was highly proper and creditable1 whatever may have proved its value in some cases from a topographical point of view4 ,on the other hand1 the following incident will serve to show the prudence of exercising due caution in addressing strangers oneself4 ,upon the evening of my arrival in the big city ,i had dined at the ,london ,restaurant1 which was situate at the corner of ,chancery ,lane and ,fleet ,street1 in the premises now occupied by ,messrs4 ,partridge and ,cooper 7the name of this firm must not be taken as an indication of the nature of my repast71 and1 fired with the curiosity of youth1 ,i mounted the knifeboard of an omnibus bound for ,hyde ,park4 ,arrived at the famous statue of ,wellington astride the impossible horse which has since ambled off to the seclusion of ,aldershot1 and which at once recalled to my mind the inimitable drawings of that infamous quadruped by ,john ,leech1 an artist who had done as much to familiarise me with ,london scenes and characters with his pencil as had ,dickens with the pen1 ,i happened to ask a sturdy artisan who was sitting beside me whether this was ,hyde ,park ,corner4 ',ide ,park6 he muttered4 ',oo are you a-tryin' ter git at8 ',ide ,park6 ,none o' yer 'anky panky with me1 my covey6 ,i forthwith slipped off that 'bus1 not a little nettled that the first person to whom ,i had spoken in ,london should have taken me for a rogue and a vagabond4 ,i had been fortunate enough to secure quarters which had been recommended to me in a comfortable boarding-house in one of the old-fashioned ,inns in ,holborn--,thavies' ,inn--in which1 ,i was informed1 whether accurately or not ,i do not pretend to know1 the ,knight ,templars of old had once resided4 ,there were no ,knight ,templars there when ,i arrived1 but in their stead ,i found some highly-proper and non-belligerent clerics with their wives and families1 and other visitors from the country1 who seemed very satisfied with the comfortable provision that was made for them4 ,but1 best of all1 ,i found a hostess who soon became one of the kindest and best of friends ,i ever had1 and although ,i at once engaged a studio in the neighbouring artistic quarter of ,newman ,street1 ,i continued for some time to live in ,thavies' ,inn in the enjoyment of the pleasant society and many advantages of her pleasant home4 ,not the least of these to me was the perfect gallery of characters who were continually coming and going1 and the many and various studies ,i made of the different visitors to that boarding-house long supplied me with ample material for my sketch-book4 ,i should be ungallant indeed were ,i to omit to add that not only was it a lady who first made me feel at home amid the bustle and turmoil of ,modern ,babylon1 but that it was also a lady who primarily welcomed me as a contributor to the ,press and gave me my first work in ,london4 ,curiously enough1 both of these ladies possessed points of resemblance1 not only in person1 but in manner and goodness of heart4 ,it was ,miss ,florence ,marryat1 then editress of ,london ,society1 who gave me my first commission1 and ,i am more anxious to record the fact because ,i am aware that many a youthful journalist besides myself owed his first introduction to the public to the sympathy and enterprise of this accomplished lady4 ,perhaps ,i have less to grumble at personally than most others concerning the treatment which1 as a young man1 ,i experienced at the hands of editors2 but ,i must say that the majority of such potentates with whom ,i then came in contact lamentably lacked that readiness to welcome new-comers which ,miss ,florence ,marryat notably1 and possibly too readily1 evinced4 ,here ,i may offer a hint to beginners--that on coming to ,london letters of introduction are of little or no value4 ,one such letter ,i possessed1 and it led me into more trouble1 and was the means of my losing more time1 than ,i should ever have received recompense for1 even if it had obtained me the work which it was intended to bring me4 ,in the first place1 these letters often get into the hands of others than the particular individuals to whom they are addressed4 ,in my case the letter had been inadvertently directed to the literary editor instead of to the art editor of one of the largest publishing firms1 and that gentleman--,i refer to the literary editor--was good enough to supply me with a quantity of work4 ,i executed the commission1 but1 lo and behold6 when ,i sent the work in1 the monster ,red ,tape intervened in the person of the art editor1 who became scarlet with rage because he had not been invoked instead of his colleague1 and promptly repudiated the entire contract4 ,thereupon the literary editor wrote to me saying that unless ,i withdrew my contributions he would be personally out of pocket2 and it may not be uninteresting to record that some day1 when ,i strip this amongst my other mummies1 it will be found that he subsequently became a wearer of lawn sleeves4 ,thus1 whilst the two editors quarrelled between themselves1 ,i was left out in the cold1 and became a considerable loser over the transaction4 ,a propos of letters of introduction1 ,i am reminded of a brother artist1 who1 although a caricaturist1 was entirely devoid of guile1 and1 in addition1 was as absent-minded as the popularly-accepted type of ardent scientist or professor of ultra-abstruse subject4 ,well1 this curious species of satirist was setting forth on travels in foreign climes1 and in order to lighten in some measure the vicissitudes inseparable from peripatetic wandering1 he was provided with a letter of introduction to a certain ,british consul4 ,the writer of this letter enclosed it in one to my friend1 in which he said that he would find the consul a most arrant snob1 and a bumptious1 arrogant humbug as well--in fact1 a cad to the backbone2 but that he 7my friend7 was not to mind this1 for1 as he could claim acquaintanceship with several dukes and duchesses1 all he had to do was to trot out their names for the edification of the consul1 who would then render him every attention1 and thus compensate him to some extent for having to come into contact with such an insufferable vulgarian4 ,on the return of the guileless satirist to ,england the writer of the letter of introduction inquired how he had fared with the consul1 and great was his surprise to hear him drawl out1 in his habitual lethargic manner3 ,well1 my dear fellow1 he did not receive me very warmly1 and he did not ask me to dinner4 ,in fact1 he struck me as being rather cool4 ,well1 you do surprise me6 rejoined his friend4 ,he's a horrible cad1 as ,i told you in my letter1 but he's awfully hospitable1 and ,i really can't understand what you tell me4 ,you gave him my letter of introduction8 ,well1 ,i thought so1 said my friend2 but1 do you know1 on my journey home ,i discovered it in my pocket-book1 so ,i must have handed him instead your note to me about him6 ,of course1 in the remarks which ,i have been making ,i have not been alluding to letters of merely social introduction1 which are of an entirely different nature4 ,such letters are generally handed to the individual to whom they are addressed at more propitious moments1 when he is not either hard at work1 as the case may be1 in his editorial chair1 or overburdened with anxiety as to the fluctuations of the ,bank rate4 ,be that as it may1 ,i cannot refrain from citing here the case of another brother artist1 who was particular in the extreme as regarded the neatness of his apparel and his personal appearance in general2 in fact1 he laboured1 rightly or wrongly1 under the impression that the manner in which a letter of introduction is received and acted upon by the person to whom it is addressed depends upon the raiment and tout ensemble of the bearer4 ,well1 it so happened that he once had a letter of introduction to a man he particularly wished to know1 but1 of all places in the world1 fate had designed that he should have no choice but to deliver it in the boring of the ,channel ,tunnel1 where the dripping roof rendered it necessary for all visitors to be encased from head to foot in the vilest and most unbecoming tarpaulin overalls4 ,it was in these circumstances1 then1 that the introduction took place1 and as nothing came of it1 my friend will now go to his grave in the firm belief that fine feathers make fine birds in the eyes of all those who receive letters of introduction4 ,the first ,bohemian ,club ,i joined was located over ,gaze's ,tourist ,offices in the ,strand4 ,nearly my first engagement in ,london was for a still flourishing sixpenny weekly4 ,started in ,wellington ,street1 close by1 the editorial offices were there certainly1 but editor1 proprietors1 and others were not4 ,they were only to be found in the ,club1 so through necessity ,i became a member4 ,the flowing bowl of that iniquitous concoction1 punch1 was brewed for the staff early in the afternoon and kept flowing till early the next morning4 ,the ,club never closed day or night till the broker's man took possession and closed it for good4 ,i1 being young and unknown1 was surprised to find myself an object of attraction whenever ,i was in the ,club4 ,there was something strange about me1 something mysterious4 ,this was so marked that my brief visits to find my editor were few and far between4 ,i discovered afterwards that the curiosity and attention paid me had nothing to do with my work1 or my personal appearance1 or my natural shyness or youth4 ,it was aroused by the fact that ,i was known as the member who had paid his subscription6 ,illustration3 ,,age #bj4 ,from a photo4 by ,w4 ,d4 ,downey4 ,this fact being noised abroad4 ,i found it an easy matter to get elected to another and a better ,bohemian ,club1 having beautiful premises on the ,adelphi ,terrace--a ,club which has since gone through many vicissitudes1 but ,i think still exists in a small way4 ,at the time ,i mention it was much what the ,savage ,club is now2 in fact1 was located in the same ,terrace4 ,its smoking concerts1 too1 were its great attractions1 and on one of these evenings ,i played a part worth reciting1 if only to illustrate how difficult it is for some minds to understand a joke4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,successful ,,make-,,up4 ,a well-known literary man called to see me4 ,on a table in my studio lay a make-up box--used by actors preparing their faces for the footlights--a bald head with fringe of light hair1 large fair moustache1 wig paste1 a suit of clothes too large for me1 and other trifles4 ,my visitor's curiosity was aroused4 ,taking up my properties1 he asked me what they were for4 ,i explained to him a huge joke had been arranged as a surprise at the ,club smoking concert to take place that very evening1 in which ,i was to play a part with a well-known and highly-popular member--the funny man of the ,club1 and an eccentric-looking one to boot4 ,he had conceived the idea to make me up as a double of himself4 ,we were the same height1 but otherwise we in no way resembled each other4 ,he was stout1 ,i was thin2 he prematurely bald1 ,i enjoyed a superabundance of auburn locks2 but he had very marked characteristics1 and wore very remarkable clothes4 ,he was also very clever at making-up4 ,the idea was to test his talent in this direction1 and deceive the whole of our friends4 ,it was arranged that he was to leave the piano after singing half his song1 and ,i--up to that moment concealed--was to come forward and continue it4 ,this ,i explained to my visitor1 who expressed his belief that the deception was impossible4 ,he promised to keep the secret1 and that evening was early in the room and seated close to the piano4 ,my double--fortunately for me1 an amateur--sang the first verses of one of his well-known songs1 but in the middle of it complained of the heat of the room 7one of those large rooms on the first floor in ,adelphi ,terrace1 famous for the ,angelica ,kaufmann paintings on the ceiling71 and opening the ,french window close to the piano he went out on to the balcony4 ,there ,i was1 having walked along the balcony from the next room4 ,so successful was my make-up that in passing through the supper-room to get on to the balcony some of the members spoke to me under the impression ,i was the other member6 ,the hall-porter had handed me a letter intended for my double4 ,of course ,i imitated his walk1 his mannerisms at the piano1 and his voice1 but ,i made a poor attempt to sing4 ,this was the joke4 ,what was the matter8 ,never sang like that before1 ,evidently thinks it is funny to be completely out of tune1 ,hullo1 what is this8 as my double walked through the crowded room just as ,i finished1 and shook hands with me6 ,i would really have sung the song better1 but my eye happened to catch the puzzled stare of my friend the literary visitor in the front row4 ,he looked angry and annoyed1 and before my double came up to me1 my friend1 scowling at me1 said1 ,sir1 ,i think it is infernal bad taste on your part to imitate my friend ,harry ,furniss6 ,who is it that says we ,english have no sense of humour8 ,my double in the preceding tale was my brother-in-law1 who as a boy was the companion of ,mr4 ,george ,grossmith1 and in fact once appeared as an amateur at ,german ,reed's1 the old ,gallery of ,illustration1 in a piece1 with ,gee ,gee as his double1 entitled ,too much ,alike4 ,he was also an inveterate and clever raconteur1 and of course occasionally made a slip1 as for instance1 on a railway journey to ,brighton once1 when he found himself alone with a stranger4 ,the stranger in conversation happened to ask my relative casually if he were fond of travelling4 ,travelling8 ,i should rather think so he replied airily1 and imagining he was impressing someone who was something in the ,city1 he continued1 ,yes1 sir1 ,i'm a pretty experienced traveller4 ,been mostly round the world and all that kind of thing1 you know1 and had my share of adventures1 ,i can tell you6 ,after a bit he gained more confidence1 and launched into details1 giving the stranger the benefit of his experience4 ,why1 sir1 you read in books that hunters of big game1 such as tigers1 watch their eyes4 ,not a bit of it4 ,what you have got to do is to watch the tail1 and that's the thing4 ,it mesmerises the animal1 so to speak1 and you have him at your mercy1 and so forth1 and so forth4 ,on arriving at the hotel he found his travelling companion had just signed his name in the visitors' book4 ,it was ,richard ,burton6 ,my brother-in-law hastened to apologise to ,sir ,richard for his absurd tales4 ,he had no idea1 of course1 to whom he was retailing his stiff yarns4 ,burton laughed4 ,my dear sir1 not a word1 please4 ,i was more entertained than ,i can tell you4 ,you really might have travelled--you lie so well6 ,illustration3 ,,two ,,travellers4 ,one of the most eccentric men ,i ever met1 and certainly one of the most successful journalists--a rara avis1 for he made a fortune in ,fleet ,street1 and retired to live in a castle in the country--was a man whose name1 although a very singular one1 remains absolutely unknown even to members of the ,fourth ,estate4 ,he was a clever1 hard-working journalist2 every line he wrote--and he was always writing--was printed and well-paid for1 but he never signed an article1 whilst others1 journalists1 specialists1 poets1 essayists--logrollers of high degree--see their name often enough1 are celebrities1 men of the time1 fted and written about1 but eventually retire on the ,civil ,list4 ,eccentricity is the breath of their nostrils1 their very existence depends upon it1 publicity is essential4 ,my friend's eccentricity was for his own pleasure4 ,he lived in a frugal--some might think in a miserly way--in two rooms in one of the ,inns of ,court4 ,perhaps ,i shall be more correct if ,i say he existed in one4 ,a loaf of bread and half a pint of milk was his daily fare4 ,the room he slept in he worked in4 ,the other was empty1 save for bundles of dusty old newspapers containing articles from his ever active brain4 ,i keep this room1 said he1 for times when ,i am over-wrought4 ,then ,i shut myself up in it1 and roar6 ,when by this process ,i have blown away my mental cobwebs1 my brain regains its pristine energy1 and ,i go back to my study calm and collected1 having done no one any harm1 and myself a lot of good4 ,i have dined at his ,club with him in the most luxurious fashion1 quite regardless of expense4 ,he was a capital host1 but1 like the magazines he wrote for1 he only appeared replete once a month4 ,his ,press work he looked upon as mere bread and milk4 ,his work was excellent1 journalism which editors term safe1 neither too brilliant nor too dull1 certainly having no trace whatever of eccentricity4 ,i may here offer an opinion1 and make a suggestion to young journalists1 and that is--safe1 steady1 dull mediocrity is what pays in the long run2 to attempt to be brilliant when not a genius is fatal4 ,to have the genius1 brilliancy1 pluck1 and success means tremendous prosperity and favour for a time1 but the editors and the public tire of your cleverness4 ,you are too much in evidence4 ,it is safer from a mere business standpoint to be the steady1 stupid tortoise than the brilliant hare4 ,the man or woman who writes a carefully thought-out essay is flattered1 and quoted1 and talked about3 for that article the writer may possibly receive as many sovereigns as the writer of a newspaper article receives shillings2 but the shillings come every day1 and the sovereigns once a month4 ,it is wiser in the long run to be satisfied with a loaf and milk once a day than with a dinner at a ,club every four weeks4 ,if in the old days the ,bohemian scribbler was not in ,society1 he could at least imagine himself there4 ,there was nothing to prevent his speaking of a member of the aristocracy as one of us with far less embarrassment and with as much truth as he could nowadays when he is invited--but still as the oil that never will mix with water4 ,except in imagination--an imagination such as ,i recollect a well-known figure in literary ,bohemia had when ,i knew it well1 a writer of stories for the popular papers3 ,society stories1 in which a ,duke ran away with a governess1 or a ,duchess eloped with an artist1 each weekly instalment winding up with a sensational event1 so as to carry forward the interest of the reader4 ,this writer--quite excellent in his way--a thorough ,bohemian1 knowing nothing about the ,society he wrote about1 had the power of making himself1 and sometimes fresh acquaintances1 believe that he played in real life a part in the story he was writing4 ,he did not refer to the experiences as related by him as incidents in his story1 but as actual events of the day4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,duke ,,of ,,broadacres4 ,brandy and soda8 ,thanks4 ,my dear fellow1 ,i feel a perfect wreck1 shaken to pieces4 ,i had an experience to-day ,i shall never forget4 ,i have just arrived from ,devonshire2 ran down by a night train to look at a hunter ,lord ,briarrose wanted to sell me4 ,bob--that is ,briarrose--and ,i travelled together4 ,he is going to be married1 you know2 heiress2 great beauty--neighbour--rolling in wealth4 ,i stopped at the ,castle last night1 and before ,bob was up ,i was on the thoroughbred and well over the country1 returning about eleven along the top of the cliffs4 ,to my horror1 ,i saw a carriage and pair charging down a road which at one time continued a long distance skirting the cliffs4 ,cliffs had fallen2 road cut off2 unprotected2 drop down cliff eight hundred feet on to pointed rocks and deep sea4 ,there was nothing between the runaway horses and the cliff1 except a storm-broken solitary tree with one branch curved over the road4 ,when the horses bolted1 the groom fell off4 ,there was only a lady in the carriage1 powerless to stop the frightened steeds dashing on to death4 ,as she approached ,i was electrified4 ,something told me she was ,bob's fiance4 ,a moment and ,i was charging the hunter under that tree4 ,jumping up out of the saddle1 ,i clasped the solitary branch with both hands1 and turning as an acrobat would on a trapeze1 ,i hung by my legs1 hands downwards1 calling to the lady to clasp them4 ,the fiery steeds and the oscillating carriage dashed under me--our hands met4 ,with a superhuman effort ,i raised the fainting fairy form out of the vehicle as it passed like a whirlwind4 ,the next moment horses and carriage were being dashed to pieces on the rocks below4 ,under our united weight the branch of the tree broke1 and we fell unhurt on the moss-covered path4 ,when the eyes of the fair lady opened to gaze upon her deliverer1 ,i started as if shot4 ,she sprang to her feet4 ',reginald6' she cried4 ',is it you8' ,she was my first love4 ,we had not seen each other for years6 ,thanks4 ,i'll have some more brandy4 ,hot this time1 with some sugar1 please4 ,the following week ,the ,london ,library appeared4 ,i bought it1 and read ,the ,duke's ,oak1 all about ,lord ,briarrose and ,lady ,betty ,buttercup and the runaway horses4 ,the tree with the one branch gave the title to the story1 and the ,dashing ,duke of ,broadacres was the aristocratic acrobat--my friend the author6 ,illustration3 ,,from ,a ,,sketch ,,by ,,herbert ,,johnson4 ,the ,savage ,club is a remnant of ,bohemian ,london4 ,it was started at a period when art1 literature1 and the drama were at their lowest ebb--in the good old days when artists wore seedy velveteen coats1 smoked clays1 and generally had their works of art exhibited in pawnbrokers' windows2 when journalists were paid at the same rate and received the same treatment as office-boys2 and when actors commanded as many shillings a week as they do pounds at present4 ,this typical trio now exists only in the imagination of the lady novelist4 ,when first the little band of ,savages met they smoked their calumets over a public-house in the vicinity of ,drury ,lane1 in a room with a sanded floor2 a chop and a pint of ale was their fare1 and good-fellowship atoned for lack of funds4 ,the ,brothers ,brough1 ,andrew ,halliday1 ,tom ,robertson1 and other clever men were the original ,savages1 and the latter in one of his charming pieces made capital out of an incident at the ,club4 ,one member asks another for a few shillings4 ,very sorry1 old chap1 ,i haven't got it1 but ,i'll ask ,smith4 ,smith replies1 ,not a cent myself1 but ,i'll ask ,brown4 ,brown asks ,robinson1 and so on until a ,croesus is found with five shillings in his pocket1 which he is only too willing to lend4 ,but this true ,bohemianism is as dead as ,queen ,anne1 and the ,savages now live merely on the traditions of the past4 ,his ,majesty the ,king1 when ,prince of ,wales1 was a member of the ,club1 and an ,earl takes the chair and entertains my ,lord ,mayor with his flunkeys and all4 ,the ,club is now as much advertised as the ,imperial ,institute1 but the true old flavour is no more4 ,no doubt some excellent men and good fellows are still in the ,savage wigwam4 ,some ,bohemians--a sprinkling of those ,micawbers1 waiting for something to turn up--keep up its reputation1 but in reality it is only ,savage now in name4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,earl ,,of ,,dunraven ,,as ,a ,,savage4 ,i was not thirty when ,i ceased to be a member4 ,i had been on the committee1 and had taken an active part in matters concerning it1 until it changed its character and lost its true ,bohemian individuality1 and being a member of the ,garrick ,club1 ,i found matured in it the element the ,savage endeavoured at that time to emulate4 ,although ,i am still in my forties1 few of those with whom ,i smoked the calumet of peace round the camp fire at a great pow-wow in the wigwam of the excellent ,savages1 alas6 remain4 ,the old ,grecian ,theatre in the ,city ,road was the nursery of many members of the theatrical profession1 and authors too4 ,two well-known members of the ,savage ,club1 ,merritt and ,pettitt1 were writers of the common stuff necessary for the melodramas of the kind connected with their names4 ,merritt would have made an equal fortune if exhibited as the original fat boy in ,pickwick1 or as a prize baby at a show4 ,i suppose my readers are aware that it is not necessary to be a baby in order to be exhibited as one1 for ,i recollect1 in my ,bohemian days1 going down to ,woolwich ,gardens when the famous ,william ,holland was manager of them1 and accidentally strolling into a tent outside of which was a placard1 ,the ,largest ,baby in the ,world6 #f;d4 ,i was not expected1--and the ,baby was walking about in his baby-clothes1 with little pink bows on his shoulders1 smoking a horrible black clay pipe4 ,he was the dwarf policeman in ,holland's pantomime in the winter-time6 ,illustration3 ,,another ,,gap ,,in ,,our ,,ranks4 ,merritt would have made a capital prize baby4 ,he was tall1 very stout1 and possessed of a perfectly hairless1 baby's face and a squeaky little voice4 ,i shall never forget a prize remark this transpontine author made in the ,savage ,club1 when an editor rushed in and said1 ,have you heard the news8 ,carlyle is dead6 ,merritt rose1 and putting his hand on his chest1 squeaked out1 ,another gap in our ranks6 ,illustration3 ,,jope4 ,a peculiar figure in ,bohemia in those old days was ,j4 ,pope1 known as ,jope1 brother of the late celebrated ,k4,c4 ,jo was nearly as large as his brother1 the well-known legal luminary1 and ,paul ,merritt rolled into one1 and wore his black wide-awake on the back of his pleasing1 intelligent head4 ,i saw him one sultry autumn evening leaning against a lamp-post in ,chancery ,lane to take breath4 ,hullo1 ,pope1 where are you going8 ,my dear boy1 let me lean on you a minute4 ,i'm going up to the ,birkbeck--to lecture--to lecture on ',air1 and ,how ,we ,breathe6' ,as a contrast to the popular ,doctor was a wit more popularly known1 ,h4 ,j4 ,byron--as thin as the proverbial lamp-post4 ,of course the stories about ,byron would fill a volume1 but there is one that is always worth repeating1 and that is his reply to a vulgar and obtrusive stranger who met him at ,plymouth1 and said to him1 ,mr4 ,byron1 ,i've 'ad a walk hall round the ',oe4 ,yes1 old chap1 and the next time you have a walk ,i advise you to walk all round the ,h4 ,illustration3 ,h4 ,j4 ,,byron4 ,in those merry gatherings ,i recall the familiar features of true ,bohemians1 when ,bohemianism was at its best--not the ornamental names of those one finds mentioned in all reports of the famous gatherings1 but of the members who really used and made the ,club4 ,few of the outside public recollect1 for instance1 the name of ,arthur ,mathieson1 who wrote and sang that pathetic ballad1 ,the ,little ,hero2 who also was an actor and writer of ability1--in fact1 he was what is fatal to men of his class--a veritable ,crichton4 ,being in appearance not unlike ,sir ,henry ,irving1 he was engaged by our leading actor to play his double in ,the ,corsican ,brothers1 and made up so like his chief that no one could possibly tell the difference between the two4 ,one evening during the run of the piece an old ,irishwoman who was duster of the theatre1 and with whom the genial double of ,sir ,henry often had a friendly word1 approached as she thought the familiar ,m41 and in a rather frivolous mood innocently tickled the actor under the chin with her dusting-broom4 ,my good woman1 what do you mean8 ,the poor ,irishwoman dropped on her knees1 clasped her hands and said1 ,the ,saints protect me6 it's the ,masther himself--,i'm kilt entoirely4 ,the ,masther1 however1 probably enjoyed the humour of it4 ,sir ,henry1 like his dear old friend ,mr4 ,j4 ,l4 ,toole1 has found a relief in occasional harmless fun4 ,toole1 however1 was irrepressible4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,presentation4 ,i was one day walking with him in ,leeds 7when he was appearing in the evening on the stage1 and ,i on the platform74 ,a street hawker proffered the comedian a metal pencil-case for the sum of a halfpenny4 ,toole made this valuable purchase4 ,as soon as ,i left the platform that night1 ,i found a note for me1 inviting me to the theatre directly after the performance4 ,toole came back on to the stage1 and making me an elaborate and complimentary speech1 referring to me as a brother artist in another sphere1 etc41 etc41 presented me with the pencil6 ,i made an appropriate reply1 and we went to supper4 ,the following paragraph from the pen of ,mr4 ,toole appeared in the ,press the next day in ,london as well as the provinces3 ,brother artists1 even when working in different grooves1 do not lack appreciation of each other's work4 ,after ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss's lecture in ,leeds the other night1 he and ,mr4 ,toole foregathered2 and the popular and genial actor presented the 'comedian of the pencil' with a very neat and handsome pencil-case1 just adapted for the jotting down1 wherever duty takes him1 of those graphic sketches with which the caricaturist amuses us week by week4 ,i must confess ,i am sometimes guilty of mild practical jokes1 but ,i am always careful to select reciprocative and kindred spirits--with such a spirit of practical joking as ,j4 ,l4 ,toole1 for instance4 ,he and ,i have had many a joke at each other's expense4 ,it so happened that when he was producing the great success1 ,the ,house ,boat1 he wintered at ,hastings1 where ,i had a house for the season1 and we saw a great deal of each other4 ,toole was always what is called a bad study--that is1 it was with great difficulty and pain he learnt his parts4 ,on this occasion the time was drawing nearer and nearer for the production2 he was getting more and more nervous about his new part1 and ,i received a visit from his friend the late ,edmund ,routledge1 asking me to protect ,johnny from his friends--in other words1 to keep his whereabouts dark1 as he had to study4 ,toole had had one or two little practical jokes with me1 which ,i owed him for1 so having to rush up to town1 ,i had the following letter written to him3 ,,dear ,,mr4 ,,toole1--,i suppose you recollect your old friends in ,smoketown when you performed one night at our ,hall and did us the honour of stopping at our house over ,sunday4 ,you then kindly asked us all to stop with you when we went to ,london--a promise we have treasured ever since4 ,we called at ,maida ,vale yesterday1 but finding you were at ,hastings ,i write now to say that we are on our way4 ,besides myself ,i am bringing dear ,aunt ,jane you will remember--now unfortunately a confirmed invalid--and my boy ,tom who has got a bad leg1 and ,uncle ,william and his three daughters1 and my dear ,sue1 who1 ,i am sorry to say1 is still suffering1 but ,i think a week at ,hastings will do us all a world of good--particularly to have you to amuse us all the time4 ,yours very truly1 ,and a signature was attached which ,i could not myself read4 ,the next day in ,london a hansom pulled up close to where ,i was walking1 and a friend of ,toole's jumped out1 and1 seizing my hand1 he said1 ,i say1 ,furniss1 you travel about a lot1 lecturing and all that kind of thing--do you know ,smoketown8 ,illustration3 ,,savage ,,club4 ,,my ,,design ,,for ,,the ,,menu #be,,th ,,anniversary ,,dinner4 ,the ,original ,drawing was by request presented to ,his ,royal ,highness4 ,smoketown6 ,i said1 ,smoketown6 7,truth to tell1 at the moment ,i had quite forgotten all about my letter to ,toole2 then it dawned upon me47 ,oh1 yes--well1 ,i said2 ,i had one night there1 and some frightful friends of ,toole's bored my life out4 ,he had invited them1 ,i believe1 to stop with him in ,london1 and they-- ,just the people ,i want4 ,what's their name8 ,i forget that entirely4 ,can you read this8 he said1 producing my letter4 ,no1 ,i said2 ,i can't read that signature4 ,do you know where they are likely to put up in town8 ,not the slightest idea4 ,i've tried every hotel in ,london4 ,temperance8 ,i asked4 ,no1 not one4 ,happy thought6--of course that is where they'll be4 ,try them all1 ,i said1 as ,i waved my hand4 ,and off the cab rushed to visit the various temperance hotels in ,london4 ,the next day ,i returned to ,hastings1 and went straight to ,mr4 ,toole's hotel4 ,getting the hall porter into my confidence1 he sent up a message to ,mr4 ,toole that a gentleman with a large family had arrived to see him2 and the porter and ,i made the noise of ten up the stairs1 and eventually the gentleman and family were announced at ,toole's door4 ,i shall never forget poor ,toole1 standing in an attitude so familiar to the ,british public1 with his eye-glass in his hand and his eyes cast on the ground--he was afraid to raise them4 ,as soon as he did1 however1 his other hand caught the first book that was handy1 and it was flung at my head4 ,bohemianism1 when ,i arrived in ,london1 was emigrating from the tavern of sanded floors and clay pipes into ,clubland4 ,artists1 authors1 actors1 and journalists were starting clubs of their own1 simply to continue the same pot-house life without restraint2 in place of turning the public-house into a club1 they turned the club into a public-house4 ,if journalists in ,grub ,street were at their worst in those days1 artists were at their best4 ,the great boom in trade which followed the ,franco-,german ,war produced a wave of extraordinary prosperity1 which landed many a tramp struggling in troubled waters safely on the beach of fortune4 ,working men in the ,north were drinking champagne2 some of them rose to be masters and millionaires4 ,they tired of drinking champagne1 they could not play the pianos they had bought1 or enjoy the mansions they had built2 but they could rival each other in covering their walls with pictures1 so the poorest pot-boiler found a ready sale4 ,the most indifferent daubs were sold as quickly as they could be framed4 ,artists then built their mansions1 drank champagne1 and played on their grand pianos4 ,when ,i1 still in my teens1 first met these good fellows1 ,i might have been tempted1 seeing what wretched work satisfied the picture-dealer1 to abandon black and white for colour2 but already the boom was over4 ,artists1 like their patrons1 had found out their mistake4 ,they had either to let or sell their costly houses1 and have1 with few exceptions1 little to show now for those wonderful days of prosperity in the early seventies--which they still talk over in their clubs in ,bohemia4 ,illustration ,the few exceptions are the survival of the fittest4 ,but the best of artists have never seen such a boom in art as that ,i saw in my early days in ,london4 ,it cannot be denied that1 from a fashionable point of view1 picture shows are going down4 ,artists have had to stand on one side as popular ,society favourites3 the actors have taken their place4 ,one has only to visit the studios on ,show ,sundays to see what a falling off there is4 ,show ,sunday was1 some years ago1 one of the events of the year4 ,from ,kensington to ,st4 ,john's ,wood1 and up to ,hampstead1 the studios of the mighty attracted hosts of fashionable people to these annual gatherings4 ,a familiar figure at these for many years was the genial ,sir ,spencer ,wells1 the well-known surgeon4 ,he lived monarch of all he surveyed at ,golder's ,hill1 ,hampstead1 and many a morning ,i met him when riding1 and we jogged into town together4 ,he was a capital raconteur1 a happy wit1 and told one incident ,i always recall to mind as ,i pass a house on the top of ,fitzjohn's ,avenue1 where a few years ago lived1 painted and received that ,wilson ,barrett of the brush1 ,edwin ,long1 ,r4,a41 a hard-working1 self-made artist who amassed a fortune by successfully gauging the taste of the large middle-class ,english public in mixing religion with voluptuous melodrama4 ,on the annual ,show ,sunday no studio was more popular than ,long's4 ,his subjects perhaps had something to do with it4 ,they were in keeping with the ,sabbath4 ,the work too was as smooth and as highly finished as the most orthodox sermon4 ,ars longa est4 ,yes1 said some cynic1 but art is not ,long4 ,but anyway ,long's art was commercially successful1 and he was what is known as a good business man4 ,illustration ,as haberdashers in the days of crude advertising used to place men in costume at the shop door--a fireman when they were selling off a damaged salvage stock1 or a sailor or1 if a very enterprising tradesman1 a diver1 helmet and all1 when selling off goods damaged from a wreck--so did this ,academician1 when exhibiting ,biblical subjects on ,show ,sunday1 engage a ,nubian model to stand at the door of his shop4 ,this man had also to announce the names of the guests1 and when the small1 spectacled1 simple man with the large smile gave his name1 ,sir ,spencer ,wells1 the model pulled himself up to his full height and in his best ,english proudly and loudly announced to the crowd in the studio-- ,the ,prince of ,wales6 ,the effect was magical3 all fell in line1 ladies curtseyed1 men bowed1 when the ,prince of ,hampstead ,heath entered4 ,the artist looked as black as his model1 and the visitors laughed4 ,at the other end of ,fitzjohn's ,avenue once lived that ever popular ,academician1 the late ,mr4 ,john ,pettie4 ,mr4 ,pettie was a vigorous draughtsman and a beautiful colourist1 and many of his portraits are very fine4 ,he seemed to revel in painting a red coat--an object to many painters as maddening as it is to the infuriated bull4 ,on one ,show ,sunday before the sending-in day of the ,royal ,academy1 at which he exhibited1 ,i recollect admiring a portrait of ,mr4 ,lamb1 the celebrated golfer1 in his red coat1 when the original of the portrait came into the studio4 ,not feeling very well1 ,mr4 ,pettie had to avoid the crowd of his admirers seeing him4 ,there were a few exceptions1 of which ,i was one4 ,i had just left him when ,i saw ,mr4 ,lamb before his picture4 ,in this portrait the bulger golf club--which ,mr4 ,lamb1 ,i believe1 invented1 to the delight of the golfing world--is introduced4 ,i ran back to ,mr4 ,pettie and told him that there was a stupid man in the studio wanting to know why artists always draw golf clubs wrongly2 that as a ,scotchman he must protest against such a club1 which was out of shape1 like a club foot4 ,tell him1 mon1 it's a bulger--,lamb's invention6 ,i returned4 ,he wants to know who ,mr4 ,lamb is1 and what is a bulger8--perhaps it's a new kind of hunting-crop and not a golf club at all8 ,in rushed ,mr4 ,pettie1 like an enraged lion1 to slay the ignorant visitor1 but in reality to shake hands with ,mr4 ,lamb and explain my childish joke4 ,leaving ,pettie1 ,i called at a studio near ,hampstead occupied by a very clever ,irish artist1 who was very much depressed when ,i entered4 ,gazing in bewilderment at his picture for the ,academy1 representing ,milton with his daughters in his garden at ,chalfont ,st4 ,giles1 he said-- ,furniss1 ,i'm in an awful state entoirely over this picture4 ,one of those critic fellows has been in here1 and he tells me this picture won't do at all at all4 ,i've painted in ,milton's garden as ,i've seen it1 but the critic tells me that these are all modern flowers and weren't known in the country in the poet's time4 ,now1 what on earth am ,oi to do8 ,oh1 don't bother about those critics1 ,i said4 ,they know nothing4 ,milton was blind1 don't you know1 so how could he tell whether the flowers were correct or not8 ,begorrah1 ,furniss1 you're right4 ,oi never thought of that4 ,it's just like those ignorant critic chaps to upset a fellow in this way4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,my ,,confessions ,,as ,a ,,special ,,artist4 ,illustration3 ,,distress ,,in ,,the ,,black ,,country4 ,acting as ,special ,artist for ,the ,illustrated ,london ,news4 ,the ,light ,brigade--,miss ,thompson 7,lady ,butler7--,slumming--,the ,boat ,race--,realism--,a ,phantasmagoria--,orlando and the ,caitiff--,fancy ,dress ,balls--,lewis ,wingfield--,cinderella--,a ,model--,all ,night ,sitting--,an ,impromptu ,easel--,where there's a ,will there's a ,way--,the ,american ,sunday ,papers--,i am ,deaf--,the ,grill--,the ,world's ,fair--,exaggeration--,personally ,conducted--,the ,charnel ,house--#aj1 ,downing ,street--,i attend a ,cabinet ,council--,an ,illustration by ,mr4 ,labouchere--,the ,great ,lincolnshire ,trial--,praying without ,prejudice4 ,illustration3 ,,at ,,the ,,oxford ,,and ,,cambridge ,,boat ,,race4 7,reduction of ,large ,drawing47 ,sir ,william ,russell and ,i were called upon at a banquet in the ,city to respond to the toast of the ,press4 ,sir ,william made one of his characteristic1 graceful little speeches1 reminiscential and modest4 ,when ,i rose ,i was for a moment also reminiscential--but not modest4 ,my ,lord ,mayor1 ,sheriffs1 and ,masters of this ,worshipful ,company1--,i appreciate the appropriateness in coupling my name with that of ,sir ,william ,russell1 for both of us have made a noise in the world at the same time--,dr4 ,russell with his first war letters to the ,times1 and ,i in my cradle1 for ,i came into this troubled world while others in arms were making a noise in the ,crimea4 ,illustration3 ,,as ,,special ,,at ,,the ,,balaclava ,,celebration4 ,naturally for this reason ,i have always taken an interest in the doings of that time2 so it was quite con amore that ,i acted as special at the first ,balaclava ,celebration ,banquet 7#ahge71 twenty years after ,billy ,russell's first war letters and my first birthday4 ,the roll-call on the occasion was funny1 seeing that it was that of the ,light ,brigade--some were light and many were heavy--one ,i recollect was about eighteen stone4 ,the banquet was held in the ,alexandra ,palace1 ,muswell ,hill4 ,the visitors1 except the military--past or present--were shamefully treated4 ,we had to stand all the time behind the chairs and wearily watch a scene not altogether elevating to lookers-on4 ,we were not allowed a chair to sit on1 nor any refreshment of any kind--not even if we paid for it2 and ,i well recollect how hungry ,i was when ,i returned to my studio after a tedious journey at #a in the morning1 having had nothing to eat since #a of the previous day4 ,such ,red ,tape was1 ,i suppose1 to illustrate the disgraceful arrangements of the commissariat in the ,crimea6 ,i was standing close to ,miss ,thompson 7,lady ,butler71 who had just become famous by her picture ,the ,roll ,call4 ,she was making notes1 and possibly intended painting a sequel to her celebrated picture4 ,she was exhausted and tired1 and no doubt too disgusted by such ungallant conduct on the part of the organisers of the banquet to touch the subject4 ,had she painted this particular roll-call ,i fear many of the figures would have had to be drawn out of the perpendicular4 ,twenty years before one of the heroes was1 possibly1 a better and a wiser man1 and tackled the ,rooshins with greater dexterity than he displayed on this occasion in managing a jelly4 ,he had waiters to right of him1 waiters to left of him1 and waiters behind him1 but that jelly defeated him1 although he charged it with fork1 spoon1 and finally with fingers4 ,from a very early age it was naturally my ambition to be introduced to ,mr4 ,punch1 but this was not to be just yet1 and the first ,london paper for which ,i drew regularly was the ,illustrated ,sporting and ,dramatic ,news1 which was started soon after ,i arrived in ,london4 ,i continued to work for it until it was bought by the proprietor of the ,illustrated ,london ,news1 when ,i became a large contributor to that leading illustrated paper4 ,most of my work for the ,illustrated ,london ,news consisted of single and double pages of character sketches1 in which ,eton and ,harrow cricket matches1 ,oxford and ,cambridge boat races1 tennis meetings1 the ,lawn at ,goodwood1 and many other scenes of ,english life were treated pictorially2 but ,i also acted sometimes in the capacity of a special correspondent1 and this duty sometimes took me into places far from pleasant4 ,illustration3 ,,distress ,,in ,,the ,,north4 ,page 7reduction71 ,illustrated ,london ,news4 ,republished by permission of the proprietors4 ,on my twenty-fourth ,christmas1 the year after ,i was married1 ,i recollect having to start off upon such a mission to the ,north of ,england1 where1 owing to strikes and labour disputes1 most distressing scenes were taking place4 ,throwing myself into the work1 ,i thoroughly ferreted out the distress which prevailed1 pursuing my investigations into the very garrets of the poor starving creatures whose privacy ,i thus disturbed at the entreaty and under the escort of the district visitors and other benevolent people1 whilst the criminal classes also came in for a share of my observation1 which in this case was conducted under the sheltering wing of a detective4 ,i cannot1 however1 say that my energy met with its due reward1 for such was the realism with which ,i had treated the subject allotted to me that the editor and proprietors of the ,illustrated ,london ,news were reluctant to shock the susceptibilities of their readers by presenting them with such scenes1 and ,i had to substitute for them sketches of soup kitchens1 committee meetings and refuges4 ,that the editorial decision was not a sound one was amply proved a few years later1 when during a somewhat similar crisis ,mr4 ,g4 ,r4 ,sims and the late ,mr4 ,fred ,barnard published work of a similar breadth and boldness with signal effect4 ,visiting slums1 seeing death from want and misery on all sides1 is certainly not the most pleasant way of spending the festive season4 ,in company with detectives1 clergymen1 or self-sacrificing district visitors1 you may swallow the pill with the silver on2 but try it single-handed1 and it is a very different affair4 ,i was taken for some demon rent-collector prowling about1 and was peered at through broken windows and doors1 and received with language warm enough to thaw the icicles4 ,the sketches ,i made during the weeks ,i spent in the haunts of want and misery would have made a startling volume1 but time and money were thrown away1 and only the perfunctory pictures were published4 ,the public have no idea1 or seldom think1 of the great trouble and expense incurred in faithfully depicting everyday scenes4 ,still1 it is not possible for a special even to see everything1 or to be in two places simultaneously2 and consequently1 in ordinary pictorial representations1 dummy figures are frequently looked upon as true portraits4 ,one boat race1 for example1 is very much like another4 ,some years ago ,i executed a panoramic series of sketches of the ,university ,race from start to finish1 and as they were urgently wanted1 the drawings had to be sent in the same day4 ,early in the morning1 before the break of fast1 ,i found myself at ,putney1 rowing up to ,mortlake1 taking notes of the different points on the way--local colour through a fog4 ,getting home before the ,londoners started for the scene1 ,i was at work1 and the drawings--minus the boats--were sent in shortly after the news of the race4 ,the figures were imaginary and unimportant1 but one correspondent wrote to point out the exact spot where he stood1 and complained of my leaving out the black band on his white hat1 and placing him too near a pretty girl1 adding that his wife1 who had not been present1 had recognised his portrait4 ,yes1 ,i must confess1 one has often to draw upon the imagination even in serious realism1 ,some years ago ,i went with a colleague of the pen to illustrate and describe the dreadful scenes which were said to take place in ,st4 ,james's ,park1 where the poor people were seen to sleep all night on the seats4 ,we arrived about #b ,a4,m4 ,it was a beautiful moonlight night1 but though we walked up and down for hours not a soul came in sight4 ,my companion said1 ,it's a bad business2 we cannot do anything with this4 ,i replied1 ,we must not go away without something to show2 now if you will lie down ,i will make a sketch of you1 and then ,i will lie down and you can describe me4 ,illustration3 ,,realism6 ,one of the most uncanny experiences ,i ever had as a special ,i find graphically described by the late ,hon4 ,lewis ,wingfield1 who accompanied me on the strange mission4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,caitiff ,,and ,,orlando4 ,winter without4 ,snow4 ,a sea of billows drifting across the sky1 glittering1 frosted--a symphony in metals--silver1 aluminium1 lead--rendered buoyant for the nonce1 ethereal--as though the world were really gone ,christmas mad1 and1 having a sudden attack of topsy-turvydom in its inside1 had taken to showering its treasures about the firmament1 instead of keeping them snugly put away in mines below ground4 ,a sheet of snow1 and bitter white rain driving still4 ,a huge building looming black1 its many eyes staring into the dark--lidless1 bilious1 vacant4 ,this is a hospital4 ,or is it a factory1 disguised with a veneer of the ,puginesque8 ,or an sthetic barrack8 ,or an artistic workhouse8 ,visible yet1 under falling snow which has not had time to cover them1 are flower-beds1 shrub-plots1 meandering walks4 ,too genteel and ambitious for the most sthetic of workhouses or advanced of hospitals1 we wonder what the building is2 and our wonder is not decreased by seeing a postern opened in a huge black wall1 from which a handful of conspirators creep silently4 ,we rub our eyes4 ,are we dreaming8 ,is this1 or is it not1 the age of scientific marvels1 levelling of castes1 rampant communism1 murder1 agrarian outrage1 sudden massacre8--the olla podrida which we are pleased to denominate enlightenment8 ,that first black figure is ,james the ,second4 ,heavens6 ,the ,jacobites live yet1 and will join1 doubtless1 with the ,fenians and ,mr4 ,bradlaugh1 and a posse comitatus of iconoclasts1 to upset the reign of order1 and add a thorn to the chaplet of our hard-run ,premier4 ,james the ,second4 ,not a doubt of it4 ,there he is--periwig1 black velvet1 and bugles4 ,where1 oh where1 is the ,great ,seal1 with which he played ducks and drakes in the ,thames8 ,yet no4 ,this is no ,jacobite plot1 for ,his ,majesty is followed by no troop of partisans on tiptoe in hose and doublet4 ,he is not seeking to win his own again4 ,a woodman trudges behind--we recognise him1 for his name's ,orlando--7,wingfield himself1 in a beautiful costume1 which he had made two years previously when playing the part of ,orlando in a production of ,as ,you ,like ,it in ,manchester1 the ,calvert ,memorial performance2 ,miss ,helen ,faucit 7,lady ,martin71 ,rosalind2 ,herman ,merivale1 ,touchstone2 ,tom ,taylor1 ,adam2 and other well-known celebrities assisting74 ,then he describes me3 ,a muffled creature of sinister aspect4 ,short1 auburn-locked1 extinguished by a portentous hat1 tripping and stumbling over a cloak1 or robe1 in whose dragging folds he conceals his identity as well as his power of volition1 a weird and gruesome phantom4 ,what--oh what--is this hovering ghost8 ,he must be just defunct1 for the purgatorial garments fit him not1 he stumbles at every step1 and when he trips an underdress is unveiled that's like a ,city waiter's4 ,what is he--the arch conspirator--doing himself8 ,he starts1 tries to conceal a book1 but we snatch it from him4 ,sketches6 lots of sketches6 caricatures1 low and vulgar portraits of ourselves6 ',what are you8' we scream1 'and why this orgy8 ,speak1 caitiff1 or for ever hold your peace6' ,illustration ,perceiving that we are in earnest and not to be trifled with1 and glare with forbidding mien1 the caitiff speaks in trembling accents4 ',if you please1' he says1 ',i'm the artist from the great illustrated journal2 ,i'm drawing pictures of the lunatics4 ,my disguise is beyond my own control1 and trips me up1 but ,i'm told it's becoming4' ',lunatics6' we echo4 ',yes1' the caitiff murmurs4 ',this is the annual fancy dress ball at ,brookwood ,asylum4 ,you and ,i and the doctors and attendants are the only sane people in the place4 ,by-and-by the country gentry will be admitted1 and then the tangle will be hopeless1 for even in everyday life it's impossible to know who's mad and who isn't4 ,how much more here8' ,we left the trembling caitiff to his secret sketching1 and the despondency produced by his appearance4 ,he was sane1 was he8 ,then in him were we revenged on human nature1 for sure never was mortal more oppressed by his gear and his surroundings4 ,the fact is that my editor1 in sending his young man1 omitted to say that the invitation was crossed with fancy dress only1 so ,i arrived in ordinary war-paint4 ,the ,doctor was horrified4 ,this will never do4 ,my patients will resent it4 ,you must be in fancy dress4 ,all my host could find was a seedy red curtain and an old cocked hat 7had it been a nightcap ,i should have been complete as ,caudle74 ,i wrapped this martial cloak around me1 and soon found myself in the most extraordinary scene1 so graphically described by ,wingfield4 ,he was not alone in his scorn for me4 ,the ,duke of ,york had a great contempt for my appearance1 but when introduced to him as ,his ,royal ,highness the ,prince of ,wales1 he unbent1 waved his bauble1 and commanded me to be seated4 ,the visitors eyed me suspiciously all the evening1 and on my entering the supper-room1 accompanied by the ,doctor1 they were seized with the idea that ,i must be a very dangerous case1 and readily made room--in fact1 made off4 ,one of the poor patients was an artist1 and showed me his sketch-book1 the work of many1 many months--a number of drawings in colour1 stuck one on top of the other1 resembling an elongated concertina1 so that only the corners of the pages could be seen4 ,the patients wore costumes designed and made by themselves1 in marked contrast to their stylish keepers4 ,among the guests the county families were well represented1 and garrison officers from a neighbouring dept formed a motley group which a looker-on1 viewing the scene as in a kaleidoscope1 would laugh at4 ,one turn1 and the next moment some incident might occur which an imaginative brain could easily work into a romance too touching to relate4 ,for some years ,i had quite a run of fancy dress balls1 a craze at that time1 acting as special artist for various periodicals1 the ,illustrated ,london ,news in particular4 ,the ball above recorded was unique1 but there is very little variety in such gatherings1 where variety is the one thing aimed at1 thus showing the limit of our ,english artistic invention4 ,the ingredients of a ball of three hundred1 say1 would be as follows1--,thirty ,marie ,stuarts1 ten ,marguerites1 twenty-eight ,fausts1 fifty ,flower ,girls1 nine ,portias1 three ,clowns1 sixteen ,matadores1 thirty ,sailors1 twenty-five ,ophelias1 twenty-five ,desdemonas1 the remainder uniforms and nondescripts4 ,of course any popular figure1 picture or play of the moment will be represented4 ,when the relief of ,mafeking took place1 the number of ,baden-,powells1 tall1 short1 young1 old1 thin and stout1 in the various fancy balls and bazaars appearing will be1 as newspaper leader-writers say1 a fact fresh in the mind of the reader4 ,some years ago a portrait of the missing ,gainsborough1 a picture of the ,duchess of ,devonshire1 which mysteriously vanished from ,agnew's gallery in ,bond ,street1 was represented in dozens at the fancy balls of the period1 and the ,gilbert-,sullivan opera ,patience1 supplied many a costume4 ,my brother special on this occasion--,lewis ,wingfield--was a ,crichton of eccentricity4 ,the son of an ,irish peer1 an officer in the ,guards1 he dressed as a ballet-girl and danced on the stage2 was a journalist and wrote for ,charles ,dickens when that great novelist edited ,household ,words4 ,wingfield never did anything by halves1 so in writing a series of articles for ,dickens on the casual wards of ,london he personated a street photographer 7having delicate hands he could not pretend to be a labourer71 and wrote his experiences of the dreadful state of affairs existing in those days under the rule of ,bumbledom4 ,the last he sought relief at was situated close to ,golden ,square4 ,here he was very harshly treated1 and when he left he rapidly changed into his usual clothes1 drove up to the establishment as one of the life patrons 7all his family had for years supported the charity71 and had the satisfaction of dismissing the overbearing overseer1 to the wretch's chagrin4 ,wingfield related this incident with great glee4 ,illustration3 ,,at ,a ,,fancy ,,dress ,,ball4 ,anxious to find out the amount niggers made on the ,derby ,day1 he decided to go as a burnt-cork nigger himself2 but it is impossible to do this unless you are of that ilk1 for like the business of the beggars and street performers1 everything is properly organised2 there is a proper system and superintendent to arrange matters4 ,after some difficulty he managed to get introduced as the genuine article1 and at #d in the morning had to stand with the other ,ethiopian minstrels at ,poverty ,junction1 between ,waterloo ,bridge and ,waterloo ,station1 while lots were drawn for positions on the course4 ,as luck would have it1 ,wingfield drew a pitch opposite the ,grand ,stand1 where at least he would be among his own acquaintances4 ,all the niggers had to walk to ,epsom1 unless it happened some friendly carter could be induced to offer a seat4 ,had four-in-hands come along ,wingfield might have been saved a walk1 but costers were to him unknown4 ,by lunch-time he was heartily sick of his new life4 ,however1 he was determined to carry it through4 ,in the evening1 after his long1 hot day's work1 he found he had to wait for the policeman's train4 ,after the half-million people had returned to ,london1 he was allowed to crawl into a carriage1 and being thoroughly tired he fell asleep in a corner of the compartment4 ,but the police wanted some entertainment1 and waking him up1 said3 ,now then1 darky1 tune up6 we can pay you as well as the toffs2 let's have a song6 ,they had a concert all the way1 ,wingfield singing the solos4 ,the hat was sent round and a collection made1 and to the bitter end ,wingfield had to bang away at his banjo and squeak with what little voice he had left4 ,this nearly finished him4 ,arriving at ,victoria1 he hailed a hansom4 ,one driver after another eyed him scornfully and passed on4 ,he then for the first time realised that it is not a customary thing for an itinerant nigger to drive about ,london in hansoms1 even on ,derby ,day4 ,so he dragged himself wearily along the streets until he happened to meet an intimate friend4 ,to him he explained matters1 and his friend called a hansom for him and paid the driver as well before he would take up his dusky fare4 ,he thought the fact of his driving a street nigger a great joke1 and made merry over his passenger as he passed the other drivers4 ,but he was very much astonished when he drove up in front of quite an imposing dwelling and saw the door opened by a footman as the nigger toiled up the steps4 ,illustration3 ,,lewis ,,wingfield ,,as ,a ,,street ,,nigger ,,home ,,from ,,the ,,derby4 ,as an artist ,wingfield was ambitious4 ,finding1 as he told me1 that he could never be a great artist1 he preferred not to be one at all4 ,on his walls were large classic paintings1 not likely ever to find their way to the walls of anyone else4 ,but he tried his hand at popular art as well4 ,a scene in a circus1 for instance1 was one subject4 ,a pretty little child was engaged to sit in his studio1 but as that day he was going to ,hengler's ,circus to paint the background he1 to the delight of the child1 took her with him4 ,the little girl played about in the ring1 and was noticed by ,mr4 ,hengler1 who asked her if she would like to be dressed up and play in the same ring at night4 ,this led to the child becoming a professional4 ,she enchanted everyone as ,cinderella4 ,her name was ,connie ,gilchrist4 ,i fell in love with her myself when ,i was in my teens and first saw her as ,cinderella4 ,afterwards when ,i came to ,london ,i was as ignorant as a ,lord ,chief ,justice as to who ,connie ,gilchrist was2 but ,i recollect a model sitting to me recommending my writing to her younger sister for some figures she thought her sister would suit4 ,the day was fixed1 but by the morning's post ,i received a letter from the young lady to say that ,mr4 ,hollingshead1 of the ,gaiety ,theatre1 had sent for her1 and she could not sit to me4 ,she was ,connie ,gilchrist1 and ,i believe this was the last engagement she had accepted as a professional model4 ,telegram from the editor of the ,illustrated ,london ,news3--,election1 ,liverpool1 see to it at once4 ,so ,i did4 ,on arriving in the evening1 ,i rushed off to a ward meeting1 ,to my surprise the artist of a rival paper sat down beside me4 ,he did not frighten me away1 but candidly confessed that he had seen a private telegram of mine saying ,i was starting1 and his editor packed him off by the same train4 ,ha6 ,i must be equal to him6 ,i sat up all night and drew a page on wood1 ready for engraving1 and sent it off by the first train in the morning4 ,it was in the press before my rival's rough notes left ,liverpool4 ,one would hardly think1 to see candles stuck in my boots1 that the hotel was the ,old ,adelphi4 ,i trust the special of the future will find the electric light1 or a better supply of bedroom candlesticks4 ,all day again sketching1 and all night hard at work1 burning the midnight oil 7,i was nearly writing boots74 ,a slice of luck kept me awake in the early morning4 ,a knock at my door1 and to my surprise a friend walked in who had come down by a night train for a daily and seeing my name in the visitors' book had looked me up1 thinking ,i could give him some tips4 ,all right1 ,i said2 a bargain3 you sit for me and ,i'll talk4 ,here1 stand like this--the ,liberal candidate4 ,capital6 ,now round like this--the ,conservative4 ,drawn from life6 ,and after another day of this kind of thing1 ,i reached home without having had an hour's sleep4 ,oh6 a special's life is not a happy one4 ,illustration3 ,,an ,,all-,,night ,,sitting4 ,great political excitement1 there is no doubt1 turns men's heads4 ,once ,i recollect finding a most dignified provincial politician in this state1 and necessity compelled me to turn him into a sketching-stool4 ,mr4 ,gladstone was speaking at ,bingley ,hall1 ,birmingham1 and although close to him on the platform1 ,i could not1 being only five feet two1 see over the heads of others when all stood to cheer4 ,i mentioned this fact to my neighbour4 ,oh1 you must not miss this scene6 he said1 and quickly1 without ceremony1 he had me on his back1 his bald head serving as an easel4 ,it has struck me since that had this old gentleman1 a big man in his native town1 and still bigger in his own estimation1 seen himself as others saw him at that moment1 the probability is that he would not have felt anything like so kindly to me as ,i did to him4 ,illustration3 ,,sketches ,,at ,,the ,,liverpool ,,election3 ,a ,,ward ,,meeting4--,,see ,,page #ach4 ,reduction of ,page ,design4 ,brush ,drawing on wood1 made after election meeting at night1 and despatched to ,london by early morning train4 ,see the ,confessions of a ,special ,artist4 ,another instance of a special artist having to depend upon his wits was when ,i found myself at a big central manufacturing town1 sent down in a hurry from ,london by the ,illustrated ,london ,news to illustrate a most important election meeting--an election upon which the fate of the ,government of the day depended4 ,when ,i arrived the mills had been closed1 crowds were in the streets1 and it would have been a simple matter to have got into ,mafeking compared with getting into the hall in which the meeting was at the time being held4 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,easel4 ,,drawing ,,mr4 ,,gladstone ,,at ,a ,,public ,,meeting4 ,if there is one thing ,i dislike more than another it is a crowd1 particularly an electioneering crowd4 ,political fever is a bad malady1 even when one is impervious to it1 if he has to fight his way through an infected mob4 ,quickly slipping round to the principal hotel1 and finding there the carriages engaged for the celebrities of the meeting1 ,i got into one and was driven rapidly up to the hall1 cheered by the mob1 who doubtless looked upon me as some active politician4 ,had ,i put my head out of the window and promised them any absurdity1 ,i believe they would have chosen me their member on the spot4 ,arriving at the hall1 ,i was received by the tipstaffs1 who1 probably not catching my name distinctly1 thought as the hotel people had done1 that ,i was sent down in some official capacity1 and politely ushered me to the platform1 where ,i was given a seat in the front row4 ,ah1 you little know the difficulties of the poor artist in running his subjects to earth4 ,when in ,new ,york ,i was specially engaged by the ,new ,york ,herald to contribute a series of studies of the leading public men4 ,these were to appear in the ,sunday edition4 ,those ,sunday papers6 ,what gluttons for reading the ,americans are6 ,the first ,sabbath morning ,i was in the ,states ,i telephoned in an off-hand sort of way from my bedroom for some ,sunday papers4 ,i went on dressing1 and somehow forgot my order1 but on leaving1 or rather attempting to leave1 my room afterwards1 ,i found to my astonishment the doorway completely blocked with newspapers to the quantity of several tons4 ,i rang my bell vigorously4 ,the attendant arrived1 and seemed considerably amused at my look of consternation4 ,he explained to me that these were five of the ,sunday papers1 and added apologetically that they were all he could get at present4 ,if ,i had stayed to read through that pile ,i should be in the ,states now4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,american ,,sunday ,,papers4 ,the first subject ,i was requested to caricature was the celebrated sensational preacher1 ,dr4 ,parkhurst4 ,when ,i arrived at his church it was crowded to the doors1 and ,i could not get near him4 ,a churchwarden told me to sit down where ,i was1 but ,i put my hand to my ear and shook my head1 as much as to say ,i do not hear you4 ,then one churchwarden said to the other churchwarden1 ,this man is deaf1 he doesn't hear2 ,i was telling him to sit down-- ,pardon me1 but are you speaking8 ,i whispered4 ,i regret to say that ,i am very deaf4 ,i came specially from ,london to hear your great preacher1 and ,i should not like to return without gratifying this one desire ,i have4 ,say1 is your wife here to-day8 asked one churchwarden of the other4 ,no1 she is sick at home4 ,could not you squeeze this funny little ,britisher into your pew8 ,guess ,i could4 ,so they beckoned to me to follow them1 and ,i was ushered up the aisle and sat under the ,doctor4 ,the result of that little manoeuvre was that ,i did my work in peace1 although sadly troubled to see his face in consequence of the church being dark and the reading lamp hiding portion of it4 ,in ,america introductions are superfluous1 so knowing ,dr4 ,parkhurst came over in the ,germanic1 the same ship that ,i travelled in some months later1 ,i walked boldly after the service into his room1 shook him by the hand1 and mentioned in a familiar way the officers of the ship1 the storm1 and other matters connected with his journey1 and in that way had the chance of ten minutes' chat and a closer observation of his facial expression4 ,it may happen1 even when everything is carefully prepared to make the visit of a special artist easy and comfortable1 that work may be difficult to accomplish4 ,i must go to the ,united ,states for an illustration of what ,i mean4 ,some years ago ,i met ,max ,o',rell at a ,london club1 and was introduced by him to a very ,english-looking gentleman with an ,american accent1 who immediately said3 ,glad to meet you1 ,mr4 ,furniss4 ,when you come over to the ,states we must put you on the grill6 ,what did he mean8 ,i looked at ,max4 ,max turned pale1 and seemed for a moment to lose his self-possession1 then hurriedly whispered in my ear3 ,jolly good fellow--very witty--president of strange club in ,america where they chaff their guests--see my last book6 ,i recollected reading about a club that goes in for roasting as well as toasting its guests1 and replied3 ,strange6 ,i said4 ,i always thought the ,americans were in advance of the ,english2 yet here in my country we do not put the ,furniss on the grill1 but the grill on the furnace6 ,max laughed and looked relieved1 and said3 ,you'll do--they'll let you off easy4 ,a ,frenchman can't stand chaff1 so ,i sat down4 ,he had stood the fire of the enemy upon the field of battle1 but he couldn't stand the fusillade of wit from the ,americans at their dinner table4 ,the stranger was no other than ,major ,moses ,p4 ,handy1 afterwards ,chief of ,department of ,publicity and ,promotion at the ,world's ,columbian ,exposition1 ,chicago2 so when ,i found myself in the ,windy ,city as an unattached special from the ,old ,world to the ,new ,world's ,fair1 ,i called at ,rand-,mc,nally ,buildings1 not to be put on the grill1 but to be put in possession of some facts concerning that great ,exposition4 ,illustration3 ,,major ,,handy4 ,sometimes there is a great deal in a name4 ,for instance1 the late ,major ,handy at once indicated the man--handy1 always ready with tongue1 hands and legs4 ,he handed me round the city1 told me of its wonders1 and sent me off enraptured to the ,exposition4 ,here ,i was met by one of the staff1 and escorted all over the skeleton of what eventually proved to be the most wonderful ,exposition1 ,exhibition1 ,world's ,fair1 or whatever you like to call it1 that the ,new ,world had ever seen4 ,the gentleman in possession who met me and acted as my guide was a clean-cut featured1 smooth-faced1 typical ,american1 full of wise saws and modern instances and--tobacco juice4 ,he had a merry wit1 and his running commentary would have been invaluable copy to ,america's pet humourist1 ,bill ,nye4 ,i had a pencil in the pocket in one side of my coat1 and a note-book in the pocket in the other side1 but the carriage in which ,i was driven about rushed on so over the rough ground and corduroy roads and hills and chasms1 that ,i found it a matter of utter impossibility to get the pencil and the book out together1 and1 therefore1 the facts ,i give about the ,exposition may want verification1 for my worthy guide kept firing them into me with the rapidity of a ,maxim or a ,hotchkiss4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,world',s ,,fair1 ,,chicago4 ,a ,,special',s ,,visit4 ,now here is the ,manufactures and ,liberal ,arts ,building4 ,guess the largest building ever erected--#a1fda1bbc feet long1 #ag1hid feet high-- ,down goes the trap on one side1 plunging into some excavation1 like a double-harnessed ,roman chariot4 ,however1 we scrambled up again1 but ,i had lost the important figure of the width of the building4 ,now ,i don't for a moment wish to imply that my guide was exaggerating1 but this rather reminds me of a story told of an ,american visiting ,england1 and his host there one day remarked to him3 ,my dear fellow1 we are delighted with you here--in fact1 you are quite a favourite2 but you will excuse me if ,i tell you that you possess one failing pretty general with your countrymen--you do exaggerate so6 ,guess ,i kean't help it1 but if you'll just kindly give me a kick under the table when ,i'm going too far ,i'll pull up sharp6 ,with this agreement they went out to dinner that evening1 and among other topics the conversation turned upon conservatories4 ,captain de ,vere said that he had a conservatory #bjj feet long1 but that the ,duke of ,orchid had one nearly #a1jjj feet long4 ,the ,american here struck in with3 ,i reckon1 gentlemen1 you're talking about conservatories4 ,now there's a friend of mine in ,amurrca1 a private gentleman1 who has a conservatory #e1jjj feet long1 #c1jjj feet high1 and 7kick7--oh6--#b feet wide6 ,but had ,i heard the figures representing the width of the building1 ,i don't suppose they would have been in the same absurd proportion as this1 for not all the shin-kicking in the world would have deterred my entertaining and conversational conductor4 ,you must assemble together in your mind's eye all the mighty structures already existing in the world to form any idea of the magnitude of this tremenjious edifice before you4 ,it is sixteen times as large as ,st4 ,peter's ,cathedral at ,rome1 ,westminster ,abbey and ,st4 ,paul's ,cathedral would nestle together in its ventilating shaft1 and the whole of the armies of ,europe could sit down comfortably to dinner in the central hall4 ,the ,tower of ,london would be lost under one of the staircases1 and fifty ,cleopatra's ,needles stuck one on top of the other would not scratch the roof4 ,the building cost fifty million six hundred and eighty-four thousand two hundred dollars seventy-five cents1 and---- ,on dashed the horses in their wild career4 ,down we went1 ,i thought into the bed of ,lake ,michigan1 but in an instant we were up again1 my hat in one direction and my stick in another1 and ,i was well shaken before being taken to the next building4 ,say1 ,mr4 ,furniss1 the roads are not complete yet1 but you mustn't mind these little ups and downs4 ,guess these horses would pull through anything--brought 'em right away from the fire-engine shed1 considerable fresh6 ,at this moment a train came puffing along laden with masses of ironwork for the central building4 ,the horses shied at the smoky monster1 turned a somersault 7at least1 so it seemed to me71 and we nearly took a header into the lake again2 but the charioteer managed to turn them just in time1 and the fiery fire-engine steeds snorted past their iron brother1 eclipsing even his noise and steam4 ,illustration3 ,,on ,,dashed ,,the ,,horses ,,in ,,their ,,wild ,,career4 ,i now began to feel thoroughly happy1 but ,i kept a watchful eye on those gee-gees1 and as we skipped over impromptu bridges1 whizzed round the corners of newly-made piles1 and bumped over incomplete parapets1 ,i quite enjoyed myself2 but somehow or other ,i couldn't quite manage to catch all the marvellous details respecting the buildings we were passing4 ,i was qualifying myself for the ,volunteer ,fire ,brigade4 ,but our steeds were reined in for a moment while my guide pointed out to me the ,dairy ,building4 ,i reckon1 sir1 he said1 that dairy will be an eye-opener4 ,it'll be sooperb1 and ,i guess it won't be long after the opening of the show that they'll be turning out gold-edged butter6 ,off we go again1 over mounds and down dykes1 jumping rocks and shooting rapids1 and ,i am certain that had our conveyance been a milk-cart1 butter1 gold-edged or otherwise1 would have been produced pretty soon4 ,we pull up with a jerk opposite the ,agricultural ,building4 ,the building is #e1jjj by #h1jjj feet1 design bold and heroic4 ,on each corner and from the centre of the building are reared pavilions4 ,indeed6 ,i said4 ,are they reared by incubators1 or upon some special soil from the fertile tracts of the ,far ,west8 ,my guide did not evidently deem my question worthy an answer1 and continued3 ,surmounted by a mammoth glass dome #dfj feet high1 constructed on purpose to accommodate the giant ,pennsylvania pumpkin we're having raised specially for the ,exposition4 ,that pumpkin will be hollowed out1 and #fjj people will be able to sit down together at once in its interior4 ,now we'll go to the ,transportation ,building1 said my indefatigable conductor to the driver4 ,bless me6 ,i thought2 is this a convict prison8 ,are we to have visitors from ,sing ,sing1 and am ,i to see some of my friends from ,portland and ,dartmoor8 ,will there be a model of the ,bastille1 and a contingent of escaped refugees from the mines of ,siberia8 ,or is the building an enormous concern for the transport of visitors to and from the ,exposition8 ,say1 ,mr4 ,furniss1 this is the most original conception in the whole ,exposition4 ,you'll see contrasted here every mode of transport1 and a complete train1 with a display of locomotives never before attempted1 will be quite stupendous6 ,to quote the guidebook3 ',there will be at least #ajj engines exhibited1 and placed so as to face each other1' and every day we will have a steam tournament4 ,guess it will be a case of the survival of the fittest of the engines when they meet6 ,visitors fond of railway accidents can be despatched with a completeness only to be witnessed in the stock-yards of this great city6 ,this ghastly suggestion had the effect of making me feel more comfortable than ever4 ,we had been some hours driving through this wonderful skeleton city4 ,the last dying rays of the setting sun1 sinking behind the sweeping prairies of the far1 far ,west1 lit up the horizon with a blood-red glow1 and1 as the shades of evening began to descend and envelop the embryo ,exposition1 the driver turned the horses' heads whence we had come--towards the sunset4 ,the animals snorted1 their nostrils inflated1 their eyes glistened1 and1 with tails erect1 they tore off straight ahead at a tremendous rate4 ,they couldn't understand why they had been driven aimlessly about all this time2 but now they saw the glare1 as they thought1 of the fire--the glare they had been accustomed to regard as the beacon to guide them to their goal--a goal which had to be reached with lightning speed4 ,illustration ,it seemed as if we were flying through a beautiful place destroyed by the ravages of fire1 for in the dim evening light the outlined houses gave one the impression that they formed a city dead1 not a city newly-born4 ,away to the ,wild ,west of the ,exposition we flew1 and were eventually pulled up outside of one of the larger and more complete buildings4 ,my faculties had been about all shaken out of me by this time1 and ,i was so bewildered by the chaos of figures in my brain--all that were left of the volumes that had been poured into my ears--that ,i had to be all but lifted out of the fire-engine trap by my good guide4 ,he said1 in an undertone3 ,now ,i'm going to show you something we keep a profound secret4 ,making a supreme effort1 ,i dispersed temporarily the armies of figures conflicting in my unfortunate head1 and became once more a rational being1 so as to appreciate fully this visual tit-bit reserved to the last4 ,we entered the structure4 ,what was it8 ,a mortuary1 a dissecting-chamber1 or a pantomime property-room8 ,numbers of ghost-like beings with bared arms streaming with an opaque-white liquid appeared to be engaged in some ghoulish machinations4 ,mutilated figures of gigantic creatures lay strewn about in reckless confusion4 ,it seemed as if pigmies were butchering giants2 and in the dim1 weird light among these uncanny surroundings my jumbled imagination whispered to me that1 after all1 this stupendous ,exhibition ,i had just rushed through could not possibly be the work of the insignificant little men who swarmed all over the colossal buildings in such ridiculously absurd proportion to their pretended handiwork4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,charnel-,,house1 ,,chicago',s ,,world ,,fair4 ,no1 these giants had performed this herculean undertaking1 and were now being cut up--the reward of many who attempt such ambitious tasks4 ,in reality1 though1 this charnel-house was the sculptors' studio1 in which were modelled the gigantic figures which were to be placed on the buildings and about the grounds4 ,now were ,i to design a model for a statue to be placed in the ,exposition1 it would certainly be one of my excellent and entertaining companion1 who proved himself a model conductor1 a model of an ,american gentleman1 and one who is justly proud1 as all ,americans must be1 of the greatness and thoroughness of the most splendid and most interesting ,exhibition ever recorded in the annals of their great country4 99 99 99 99 99 ,one day ,i slipped up to #aj1 ,downing ,street1 to make a note of that very ordinary1 albeit mystical1 abode of ,english ,premiers and officials4 ,the eagle eye of the policeman was upon me1 and he was soon at my side subjecting me to minute examination4 ,my explanation satisfied him that the only lead ,i had about me was encased in wood for the purpose of drawing1 and that the substance in my hand was not dynamite1 but innocent indiarubber1 for wiping out people and places only of my own creation4 ,ah1 sir1 there ain't much to see there1 unless the 'all porter's a-lookin' out of the winder4 ,but you ought ter be 'ere in the mornin' and see the ,premier a-shavin' of 'imself1 with a piece of old lookin'-glass stuck up on the winder ter see 'imself in--just wot the likes of us would do6 ,so ,i1 as a special1 was allowed to make a sketch of the outside of the famous ,no4 #aj4 ,not long afterwards ,i happened to be standing in the same place with a number of journalists and a crowd of the public when a political crisis drew all attention to the ,cabinet1 the members of which were arriving at intervals1 recognised and cheered by the curious4 ,as the door opened to allow one of the members of the ,cabinet to enter1 a certain official noticed me standing on the opposite side of the street4 ,to my surprise he beckoned to me1 and said1 ,i have been waiting to see you1 ,mr4 ,furniss1 for a long time4 ,i have some sketches in the house here ,i want you to see whenever you can honour me with a visit4 ,no time like the present moment1 ,i said4 ,before the official realised that the present moment was a dangerous one for the admittance of strangers ,i was taken into the house4 ,while examining the works of art in the official's private room a knock came to the door1 which necessitated his leaving me4 ,the moment of the special had arrived--now or never for a ,cabinet ,council6 ,i was down the passage1 and in a few minutes stood in the presence of the ,cabinet1 when ,mr4 ,gladstone1 the ,premier1 was addressing ,lord ,granville and the others1 who were seated1 and just as the ,duke of ,devonshire 7then ,lord ,hartington7 pushed by me into the room1 ,i was seized by the alarmed official4 ,of course ,i apologised for my stupidity in taking the wrong turning1 and ,i asked him about ,mr4 ,gladstone's three mysterious hats in the hall1 which he informed me ,mr4 ,gladstone always had by him1--three hats symbolic of his oratorical peculiarity of using the well-known phrase1 ,there are three courses open to us4 ,i patted ,lord ,hartington's dog on the head1 and had quietly taken my departure before the official was called into the ,cabinet and questioned about the spy who had so mysteriously interrupted their proceedings4 ,but what was perhaps a more daring and difficult feat than seeing a ,cabinet ,council was to disturb the ,sage of ,queen ,anne's ,gate in his semi-official residence4 ,it so happened some few years ago ,i was commissioned by an illustrated paper to make a drawing of a peculiar scene that took place in the ,house of ,commons4 ,it was ,mr4 ,gladstone's only appearance in the ,strangers' smoking-room of the ,house1 into which he had been lured by the ,member for ,northampton to attend a performance of a thought reader1 which ,mr4 ,labouchere had arranged perhaps to show his serious interest in the business of the country connected with our great ,houses of ,parliament4 ,not being present at this show1 ,i had no means of getting material1 and1 being in a hurry1 ,i boldly drove up to the house of the ,sage of ,queen ,anne's ,gate4 ,and as ,i always treat people as they treat others1 ,i thought that a little of the ,laboucherian cheek 7shall ,i substitute the word for confidence87 would not be out of place in this instance4 ,the servant took my card1 and brought back the message that ,mr4 ,labouchere was not at home4 ,as ,i was at that moment actually acting the character of the ,sage1 and remembering the stories1 true or untrue1 which he so delights in telling himself about his own coolness in matters probably not less important than this1 ,i asked the servant to allow me to write a letter to ,mr4 ,labouchere1 and ,i was shown into his study1 where ,i sat1 and intended to sit1 until ,mr4 ,labouchere made his appearance4 ,from time to time the servant looked in1 but the letter was never written4 ,and my thought-reading proved correct4 ,without my pen and pencil ,i drew ,mr4 ,labouchere4 ,he eventually came downstairs1 and gave me all the information ,i required4 99 99 99 99 99 ,illustration ,london was in darkness4 ,to quote the papers1 ,foggy obscuration rested over the greater part of its area4 ,and ,i1 in common with millions of others1 was having my breakfast by gaslight1 when ,i received an editorial summons to attend the trial of the ,bishop of ,lincoln at ,lambeth ,palace4 ,soon a hansom was at the door1 with two lamps outside and one within2 the latter smelt most horribly1 and ,i found out later on that it leaked and had ruined my new overcoat4 ,with an agility quite marvellous under the circumstances the horse slipped its slimy way over the greasy streets to ,lambeth1 and dashed through the fog over ,westminster ,bridge in a most reckless manner1 which disconcerting performance was partly explained by its suddenly stopping at the stable door of ,sanger's and refusing to budge4 ,i was partially consoled by the fact that we were just opposite ,st4 ,thomas's ,hospital1 so that ,i should be in good hands if the worst befell4 ,the fog becoming even denser1 ,sanger's became veiled from the sight of our fiery steed1 which thereupon consented to slide on towards ,lambeth ,palace4 ,a sharp turn brought us to the gateway1 where stood a hearse and string of mourning coaches4 ,was ,i too late8 ,had the ,bishops passed sentence1 and had the loved one of ,lincoln really been beheaded8 ,my fears on this point were relieved by a policeman1 who restrained my driver's energetic endeavours to drive through the wall of the ,palace1 and as my password was ,jeune 7,november would have been more appropriate on such a morning7 ,i was allowed inside the gates4 ,here ,i could not see my hand1 or anyone else's1 in front of me1 and after stumbling up some steps and down some others ,i finally flattened my nose against a door4 ,policeman ,no4 #b suddenly appeared1 and turned his bull's-eye upon me4 ,i felt that ,i was doomed to the deepest dungeon beneath the castle moat2 ,i thought of the whipping-post ,i have read of in connection with the ,palace2 of the ,guard ,room with its pikes and instruments of torture1 and ,i trembled4 ,luckily1 however1 the rays of the lantern fell upon the note in my hand1 addressed to ,francis ,jeune1 ,q4,c41 and the good-natured ,all right1 sir4 ,go hup4 ',e's a-speakin' now1 came as a reprieve4 ,i stumble into the large historic hall known as the ,library1 wherein the great trial of the ,bishop of ,lincoln is being held4 ,the weird scene strongly resembles the ,dream ,trial in ,the ,bells1 where the judges1 counsel1 and all concerned are in a fog4 ,i expect the limelight to flash suddenly upon the chief actor1 the ,bishop of ,lincoln1 as he takes the stage and re-acts the part that has caused the trial4 ,the only lights in the long and lofty ,library1 excepting the clerical and legal1 are a dozen or two wax candles and a few oil-lamps--of daylight1 gaslight1 or electric light1 nothing4 ,i can hear the voice of ,jeune1 ,q4,c41 which gladdens my heart amid these sepulchral surroundings1 but ,i see him not4 ,as my eyes gradually become accustomed to the strange scene1 ,i find that it is composed of three distinct sets1 which present the appearance of a muddled-up stage picture when the flats go wrong1 and you have a part of the ,surrey ,hills1 a corner of ,drury ,lane and a side of a ,west ,end drawing-room run on at the same time4 ,at the further end of the ,library we have the ,church1 very ,high ,church1 represented by an ,archbishop and five ,bishops2 also a ,judge1 in a full-bottomed wig1 who has evidently got in by mistake4 ,then we have the ,law1 represented by a row of ,q4,c4's1 their juniors1 and attendants2 and then a chorus of ordinary people and common1 or ,thames ,policemen4 ,these are separated by red ropes and some red tape2 the latter ,i cut with my self-written passport--my note to the ,q4,c4 who still addresses the ,court4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,bishop ,,of ,,lincoln',s ,,trial4 7,from ,punch47 ,i have come here to see the ,bishop of ,lincoln1 and ,i roam about in the fog to find him4 ,ah1 that figure6 there he is6 ,i immediately sketch him1 only to find out that the individual in question is the ,clerk of the ,court1 or whatever the title of that functionary's equivalent may be in ,lambeth ,palace4 ,what vexes me is that whenever ,i enquire the whereabouts of the ,bishop1 a warning finger is raised to the lips to denote silence4 ,the ,bishops sit round three tables1 on a raised platform4 ,in the centre is the ,archbishop of ,canterbury2 on his right the mysterious ,judge1 in full wig and red robes2 here is the ,vicar-,general1 ,sir ,james ,parker ,deane1 ,q4,c42 next to him sits ,assessor ,dr4 ,atlay1 ,bishop of ,hereford1 who looks anything but happy1 his hair presenting the appearance of being blown about by a strong draught1 while his hand is raised to his face1 suggesting that the draught had caused toothache4 ,the portly ,bishop of ,oxford on his right1 like the other corner man1 the ,bishop of ,salisbury1 scribbles away at a great rate in a huge manuscript book or roll of foolscap4 ,on the left of the ,archbishop sits the ,bishop of ,london1 who severely interrogates the ,counsel1 and evidently relishes acting the schoolmaster once more4 ,the ,bishop of ,rochester1 sitting on ,london's left1 supplies the element of comedy as far as facial expression goes1 and his wide-open mouth and papers held in front of him lead me to expect him to burst into song at any moment4 ,but where is the ,bishop--the ,bishop of ,lincoln8 ,ah1 now ,i see him1 in one of those side courts1 and ,i forthwith sketch him1 marvelling at my stupidity in not identifying him before4 ,i write his name under the sketch1 and show it to one of the reporters4 ,he scribbles ,wrong man across it4 ,done again6 ,i write1 ,then where is he8 ,he waves me away1 as ,mr4 ,jeune is quoting some extraordinary document six hundred years old in reply to ,sir ,horace ,davey's authority1 which only dates back five hundred and ninety-nine years4 ,it suddenly occurs to me that the ,bishop is beside his ,counsel at the other end of the long table1 but1 alas6 there is a candle in front of him4 ,this is all ,i can see1 so ,i make my way to the other side of the table1 only to discover that my ,bishop is an old lady4 ,i write on a piece of paper1 ,where does the ,bishop of ,lincoln sit8 and take it to an official4 ,it is too dark to read1 so some time is lost while he takes my memorandum to a candle4 ,he looks across at me1 and points to a corner4 ,at last6 good6 ,the old gentleman in the corner is in plain clothes1 it is true1 but still he looks every inch a ,bishop4 ,i cautiously approach to a coign of vantage close beside him1 and have just finished a careful study of him1 when he turns round to me and whispers1 ,please1 sir1 can you tell me which is the ,bishop of ,lincoln8 ,i shake my head angrily1 and move away4 ,this is really humbug4 ,i'll bide my time1 and take ,counsel's opinion--,i'll ask ,mr4 ,jeune4 ,he is just occupied in answering the hundred and seventh question of the ,bishop of ,london1 and is being supported by ,sir ,walter ,phillimore4 ,indeed1 it amuses me to see the way in which these two clever ,counsel1 when in a fog 7and are we not all in one871 hold an animated legal conversation between themselves1 and totally ignore the ,bishops--not that the latter seem to mind1 for they scribble away merrily4 ,an evil suspicion creeps into my head that they are seizing the opportunity to write their next ,sunday's sermons4 ,in the meantime ,i discover that one of the little side courts is converted into a studio1 with an easel and canvas4 ,i approach my brother brush1 feeling that he1 or she1 or both 7for a lady and a gentleman were jointly at work upon a picture of the ,trial1 in black and white--the black was visible1 but there was no chance of seeing the white7 will tell me where ,i can catch a glimpse of the ,bishop of ,lincoln4 ,i whisper the question4 ,but a ,hush6 goes up from the ,h',usher1 and the artists1 sympathising with me in my dilemma1 obtain a candle and point out the ,bishop to me in their picture4 ,i slip away in search of that face4 ,its owner ought to be near his ,counsel4 ,the severe ,sir ,horace ,davey sits writing letters2 next him is the affable ,dr4 ,tristram1 then the rubicund ,mr4 ,danckwerts1 but no ,bishop--in fact1 there is no one of public interest to be seen2 probably they have not come1 as to-day is to be a half-holiday4 ,it is now one o'clock1 and the ,bishops rise to go to the ,leve4 ,i pounce upon ,francis ,jeune1 ,q4,c41 and gasp1 ,where1 oh1 where is the ,bishop of ,lincoln8 ,quick6 ,i want to sketch him before he leaves4 ,oh1 he's not here--never comes near the place6 ,the play is over for the day4 ,i have seen ,hamlet with the ,prince left out4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,confessions ,,of ,,an ,,illustrator--,a ,,serious ,,chapter4 ,drawing--,hieroglyphics--,clerical ,portraiture--,a ,commission from ,general ,booth--,in ,search of ,truth--,sir ,walter ,besant--,james ,payn--,why ,theodore ,hook was ,melancholy--,off with his ,head--,reformers' ,tree--,happy ,thoughts--,christmas ,story--,lewis ,carroll--,the ,rev4 ,charles ,lutwidge ,dodgson--,sir ,john ,tenniel--,the ,challenge--,seven ,years' ,labour--,a ,puzzle ,,ms4--,dodgson on ,dress--,carroll on ,drawing--,sylvie and ,bruno--,a ,composite ,picture--,my ,real ,models--,i am very ,eccentric--,my ,romps--,a ,letter from du ,maurier--,caldecott--,tableaux--,fine ,feathers--,models--,fred ,barnard--,the ,haystack--,a ,wicket ,keeper--,a ,fair ,sitter--,neighbours--,the ,post-,office ,jumble--,puzzling the ,postmen--,writing ,backwards--,a ,coincidence4 ,illustration3 ,if ,if ,i confess as a caricaturist1 surely ,i need not caricature my confessions by any mock-modesty4 ,although ,i have illustrated novels1 short stories1 fairy tales1 poems1 parodies1 satires1 and jeux d'esprit1 for the realistic1 the fanciful1 the weirdly imaginative and the broadly humorous1 as my ,punch colleague1 ,e4 ,t4 ,milliken1 wrote1 my more distinctive1 natural and favourite mtier is that of graphic art4 ,this intimate friend1 in publishing his appreciation of me1 put in his own too highly-coloured opinion of my black and white work in this direction4 ,i blush to quote it3 ,illustration3 ,,majuba ,,hill4 ,,drawn ,,by ,,harry ,,furniss4 ,reproduced by permission of the proprietors of the ,illustrated ,london ,news4 ,and they are in error who imagine ,mr4 ,furniss's powers to be substantially limited to political satire or ,parliamentary caricature4 ,much of the work he has already given to the public1 and perhaps more of that which he has not yet published1 but of which his chosen familiars are aware1 will prove that in more serious or imaginative work1 in strong1 vivid realism as well as in frolic fancy1 in landscape as well as in life1 in the picturesque as well as in the humorous1 he can display a notable mastery4 ,this confession of one of my chosen familiars ,i have the pluck to reprint1 as an answer to those unknown strangers who so frequently write me down as a conventional comic draughtsman of funny ill-drawn little figures4 ,what shall ,i call him8 said one2 a master of hieroglyphics8 ,well1 if ,i am commissioned to draw humorous hieroglyphics1 ,i do my best to master their difficulties4 ,caricature pure and simple is not the art ,i either care for or succeed in practising as well as ,i do in my less known more serious and more finished work4 ,when ,i joined ,punch1 at the age of twenty-six1 ,i had had nine-tenths of my time previous to that occupied 7ever since ,i was fifteen years of age7 in drawing far more elaborate and finished work than would be in keeping in a periodical such as ,punch4 ,punch required funny little figures1 and ,i supplied them2 but my mtier1 ,i must confess1 was work requiring more demand upon direct draughtsmanship and power4 ,i am a funny man1 a caricaturist1 by force of circumstances2 an artist1 a satirist1 and a cartoonist by nature and training4 ,the one requires technical knowledge--in the other1 drawing doesn't count4 ,the more amateurish the work1 the funnier the public consider it4 ,the serious confession ,i have to make is that ,i have been mistaken for a caricaturist in the accepted and limited meaning of the term4 ,it is the ambition of every low comedian to play ,hamlet1 that of every caricaturist to be able to paint a picture which shall be worthy of a place on the walls of the ,national ,gallery1 are my own words on the platform2 but ,i do not essay to play ,hamlet on the platform1 nor do ,i paint pictures for posterity in my studio4 ,therefore ,i do not place myself in the category of either1 for ,i am neither a low comedian nor am ,i strictly and solely a mere caricaturist4 ,this fact is perhaps not generally known to the public1 but it is known to the publishers1 and when a ,society ,church paper wished to present a series of supplements--portraits of the leading clergy--,i was selected as the artist4 ,the portrait of ,canon ,liddon1 which is here very much reduced1 is one of these4 ,illustration3 ,,canon ,,liddon4 ,a ,,sketch ,,from ,,life4 ,and furthermore ,i received a commission from ,general ,booth1 which unfortunately1 through pressure of work1 ,i was unable to undertake1 to make a study of ,mrs4 ,booth1 who was at the time on her death-bed1 suffering from cancer1 which the ,general was exceedingly anxious to reproduce and issue to his ,army1 as he had never yet been able to secure a good photograph1 although frequent attempts had been made by eminent ,london photographers4 ,i must confirm1 a confession ,i made some years ago to the editor of the ,magazine of ,art regarding some of the difficulties with which artists illustrating books have to contend4 ,in that ,i questioned whether authors and artists worked sufficiently together4 ,few authors are as conscientious as ,dickens was1 or1 in fact1 care to consult with their illustrators at all4 ,in operatic work the librettist and composer must work hand in hand4 ,should not the artist do likewise8 ,undoubtedly there are some writers who take great trouble to see their subject from the artistic standpoint4 ,one sensational writer with whom ,i am acquainted will make a complete model in cardboard of his ,haunted ,grange1 so as to avoid absurdities in the working out of the tale4 ,the ,blood-stained ,tower is therefore always in its place1 and the ,assassin's ,door and ,ghost's ,window do not change places1 to the bewilderment of the keen-witted reader4 ,many writers1 on the other hand1 show an extraordinary carelessness1 or1 shall ,i say1 agility8 ,hilarity ,hall or ,stucco ,castle is supposed to be a firm erection1 capable of withstanding storm1 or1 if necessary1 siege2 whereas the artist too often detects the author turning it inside out and upside down to suit his convenience1 like the mechanical quick-change scenes in our modern realistic dramas4 ,it may seem strange1 but ,i have never found over-conscientiousness in seeking to secure local colour meet with the slightest reward4 ,two instances among many similar experiences which have fallen to my lot will serve to show my ground for making this observation4 ,those who have read ,sir ,walter ,besant's delightful but little known ,all in a ,garden ,fair 7it is interesting to know that this was semi-autobiographical1 and that its original title was ,all in a ,garden ,green7 will recollect the minute description of the locality in which the opening scenes take place4 ,the author and ,i talked it over4 ,he told me the exact spot where the story was laid--a village a good many miles from ,london4 ,the next day1 provided with exact information1 my wife and ,i went by train to the station nearest to the village in question1 and then1 taking a trap1 went on a voyage of discovery4 ,first1 however1 we endeavoured to gain some useful directions from the proprietor of the hotel where we lunched1 but1 to our surprise1 he knew of no such village4 ,the driver of our conveyance was equally unlearned concerning the object of our search4 ,illustration3 ,handwritten note ,strange1 said ,i1 how these country people ignore all the beauties and graceful associations that are around them--they don't even know of the existence of this idyllic village4 ,nothing daunted1 ,i undertook to pilot the party to the place1 and after a lovely drive we reached the spot where the village ought to be4 ,here ,i saw a kind of model hotel1 and1 ,i think1 a shanty of some description2 the rest was an ordinary ,english landscape4 ,i hardened my heart1 and patiently sketched the building1 which1 of course1 was not there at the period the story referred to1 and some details of the place where a village only existed in the author's imagination4 ,when next ,i saw ,sir ,walter ,besant1 he tried to console me with the assurance that there certainly must have been a village there some centuries ago6 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,late ,,sir ,,walter ,,besant4 ,besides being a wit and a delightful conversationalist1 ,sir ,walter was the most practical and businesslike of authors4 ,it was a treat to meet him1 as ,i frequently did1 walking into ,town1 and enjoy his vivacious humour4 ,i recollect one morning1 speaking of illustrators1 mentioning the fact that ,cruikshank always imagined that ,dickens had taken ,oliver ,twist1 merely endowing it with literary merit here and there1 and palming it off as his own6 ,ah6 said ,besant1 how funny6 ,do you know1 ,i overheard two of my little girls talking a few mornings ago1 and one said to the other1 ',papa does not write all his stories1 you know--,charlie ,green helps him4' 7,green was at the time illustrating ,besant's ,chaplain of the ,fleet47 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,jetty4 ,my second instance occurred about the same period4 ,the author was the most delightful and entertaining of literary men of our time1 ,mr4 ,james ,payn4 ,i was selected to illustrate the serial story in the ,illustrated ,london ,news1 and as in that also the author minutely describes the scene of the semi-historical romance1 ,i1 being a thoroughly conscientious artist1 visited ,james ,payn1 then editor of ,cornhill1 in his editorial den in ,waterloo ,place1 to talk the matter over4 ,my notes were3 ,jetty--,lovers meet--,ancient church--,old houses4 ,but the ,jetty was the important object--,i must get that4 ,i therefore started for the ,south ,coast4 ,again ,i was forced to bow down before my author's wonderful powers of imagination1 for once more1 in company with my wife1 with a hireling to carry my sketching stool and materials1 ,i walked a great distance in search of the jetty4 ,vain1 vain6 not a ghost of a jetty was to be seen4 ,the menial could not enlighten us4 ,at last we unearthed the oldest inhabitant1 who took us back to where a few sticks in the water alone marked where it stood a many years ago4 ,i tried to develop some of the powers of the late ,professor ,owen1 when he constructed an animal from the smallest bone1 and succeeded in evolving a jetty from the green remains of four wooden posts4 ,i forgave ,payn as ,i forgave ,besant4 ,both men were as genial as they were eminent1 and but for the circumstances of illustrating their stories ,i might not have enjoyed their acquaintanceship4 ,i also illustrated ,payn's most charming story1 ,the ,talk of the ,town1 for ,cornhill ,magazine4 ,i never enjoyed any work of the kind so well as this--it has always been my regret ,payn did not write another of the same period4 ,i recollect1 when ,i first saw him in ,waterloo ,place1 ,i had just read an article of his in which he gave a recipe for getting rid of callers1 which was to bring the conversation to an abrupt termination1 say absolutely nothing1 but steadfastly stare at your visitor until he left4 ,i can vouch for its being a simple and effective plan4 ,illustration3 ,,illustration ,,for ,,the ,,talk ,,of ,,the ,,town 7,,reduced74 ,by permission of the proprietors of ,cornhill ,magazine4 ,when ,i entered his editorial sanctum the genial essayist received me most cordially1 and looked the picture of comfort1 surrounded as he was by a heterogeneous collection of pipes4 ,presently1 through the clouds of smoke through which he had chatted in that lively1 vivacious manner peculiarly his own1 he knocked the ashes out of his finished pipe and mutely stared point-blank at me till ,i1 like the pipe1 went out also4 ,but before making my exit ,i reminded him that ,i had read the article ,i refer to1 up to which he was no doubt acting1 and that ,i was pleased and interested that he practised the doctrine he preached4 ,possibly this remark of mine was unexpected1 and therefore somewhat disconcerted him for a moment1 for he quickly replied1 ,not at all6 not at all6 ,fact is1 ,i was rather upset before you came in by a miserable man who called to see me1 and at the moment ,i was1 propos of him1 thinking of a funny story about ,theodore ,hook ,i came across last night ,i never heard before4 ,poor ,hook was at a smart dinner one evening1 but instead of being as usual the life and soul of the party1 he proved the wet blanket on the merry meeting1 despite the fact that he1 in all probability1 had imbibed his stiff glass of brandy to get him up to his usual form before entering the house at which he was entertained4 ,this most unusual phase of ,hook's character surprised everybody present1 so much so that his host ventured to remark that the volatile ,theodore did not seem so merry as usual4 ',merry8 ,i should think not6 ,i should like to see anyone merry who has gone through what ,i have this afternoon6' ',what was that8' asked everyone1 with one voice4 ',well1 ,i'll tell you1' said ,hook4 ',i have just come up from ,york in the stage coach1 and ,i was rather late in taking my seat2 the top was occupied to the full1 so ,i had no alternative but to become an inside passenger4 ,the only other occupant of the interior was a melancholy individual rolled up in a corner4 ,he had donned his great-coat1 the collar of which was turned right up over his ears4 ,he stolidly sat there1 never uttering a word1 until ,i became fascinated by his weird appearance4 ,by-and-by the sun sank below the western horizon1 the inside of the coach became darker and darker1 and more ghastly seemed the cadaverous stranger as the blackness increased4 ,the strain was too much for me4 ,i could not keep silent another minute4 ',my good sir1' ,i said1 'whatever is the matter with you8' ',i'll tell you1' he slowly muttered4 ',some months ago ,i invested in two tickets in a great lottery1 but when ,i told my wife of the speculation ,i had indulged in she nagged and nagged at me to such a frightful extent that at last ,i sold the tickets4' ',well8' ',well1 do you know1 sir1 to-day those two numbers won the two first prizes1 and those two prizes represent a sum of money of colossal magnitude6' ',goodness gracious me6' ,i shouted4 ',if that had happened to me it would have driven me to desperation6 ,in fact ,i really believe that ,i should have been frantic enough to cut my throat6' ',why1 that's just what ,i have done6' replied the stranger1 as he turned down his collar4 ',look here6' ,illustration3 ,,that',s ,,just ,,what ,i ,,have ,,done6 ,this ghastly tale reminds me of one of my earliest and most trying experiences in illustrating stories4 ,i had made a very careful drawing to illustrate a startling episode in a novel by ,mrs4 ,henry ,wood4 ,naturally it was designed on a block1 and represented the hero having just swallowed poison after committing a murder4 ,the face in the drawing was everything1 and ,i had taken the greatest pains to depict in the distorted features all the authoress desired--in fact1 ,i was rather proud of it4 ,the authoress was pleased1 and the block was sent to the engraver4 ,i was then about twenty--photographing a drawing on to wood was unknown1 and process work was not invented--all drawings were made on boxwood and engraved by hand4 ,to my horror the engraver returned the block to me a week afterwards with an apologetic note4 ,the face had been destroyed in the engraver's hands1 and he had plugged the block--that is1 another piece of wood had been inserted where the hero's head had been1 and whitened over1 for me to draw another4 ,the rest of the design had been engraved4 ,that face gone6 ,how could ,i conjure it up again on that unsightly1 isolated patch of block1 with all the rest of the drawing engraved and therefore my lines undiscernible8 ,i did my best4 ,when it was printed it was seen that the face did not fit on the neck properly1 and to my chagrin ,i received a sarcastic letter from the editor to inform me that ,i had made a mistake4 ,the hero had swallowed poison and had not1 as ,i supposed1 cut his head off6 ,illustration3 ,,specimen ,,of ,,james ,,payn',s ,,writing4 ,another illustration of the conscientious illustrator in search of the truth4 ,i had to introduce the ,reformers' ,tree1 ,hyde ,park1 into a picture4 ,now we are always hearing about the ,reformers' ,tree in reference to demonstrations in the ,park1 so ,i went in search of the historical stump4 ,the first person to whom ,i put a question as to its whereabouts pointed to a huge tree in flourishing condition4 ,i had just sketched in its upper branches when it somehow occurred to me that it would be just as well to ask someone else and make assurance doubly sure4 ,this time ,i interrogated a policeman4 ,no1 that ain't it2 that there row of hoaks is wot people calls the ,reformers' ,tree4 ,i started another sketch on the strength of this statement1 but feeling a bit dubious over his assertion that the one tree was comprised of a whole row1 ,i tackled the oldest inhabitant1 an ancient and pensioned park-keeper1 who luckily hove in sight4 ,hover there1 he replied1 gruffly1 pointing to a stump that resembled the sole remaining molar the old man possessed4 ,this stump was picturesque4 ,it must be the ,reformers' ,tree4 ,result--another sketch1 which ,i showed to the gatekeeper at the ,marble ,arch4 ,reformers' ,tree8 ,why1 there ain't no such thing in the ,park4 ,and ,i really believe there isn't4 ,it is a myth1 and merely exists in the fertile brain of the descriptive author or the imagination of the agitator4 ,after ,james ,payn's ,talk of the ,town no book has given me such pleasure to illustrate as ,f4 ,c4 ,burnand's ,incompleat ,angler4 ,the combination of the picturesqueness of ,isaak ,walton with the humour of ,burnand could not be otherwise1 but most unfortunately the form of its publication ruined the effect of the drawings4 ,over this1 too1 the author and ,i talked--no1 not exactly--to be exact we laughed over it4 ,i dined with ,burnand1 and afterwards in his study he read it to me1 and as he frankly admitted he never laughed so much at anything before4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,typical ,,lovers ,,in ,,illustrations ,,of ,,novels4 ,the illustrator's difficulties by no means end when the author is satisfied4 ,many authors give you every facility1 and hamper you with no impossibilities2 but then steps in the editor1 especially if he be the editor of a goody magazine4 ,novels will be novels1 and love and lovers will find their way even into the immaculate pages of our monthly elevators4 ,i once found it so1 and certainly ,i thought that here was plain sailing4 ,a tender interview at the garden gate4 ,she sighed and looked down as ,charles ,thorndike took her hand--unavoidable and not unacceptable subject4 ,lovers are all commonplace young men with large eyes1 long legs1 and small moustaches 7villains' moustaches grow apace72 moreover1 lovers1 ,i believe1 generally take care to avoid observation2 but no6 it appears that our subscribers have a stern code which may not be lightly infringed4 ,a letter from the editor rebukes my worldly ways3 ,,dear ,,sir1--,will you kindly give ,charles ,thorndike a beard1 and show an aunt or uncle or some chaperon in the distance2 the subject and treatment is hardly suitable otherwise to our young readers4 ,sometimes a publisher steps in and arranges everything1 regardless of all the author and artist may cherish4 ,years ago a well-known but not very prosperous publisher sent for me1 and spoke as follows3 ,now1 ,mr4 ,f41 what ,i want is to knock the ,b4,p4 with ,christmas4 ,the story is all blood and murder1 but don't mind that--you must supply the antidote2 put in the holly and mistletoe1 plenty of snow and plum-pudding 7the story was a seaside one in summer time74 ,i like ,john ,tenniel's work--give us a bit of him1 with a dash of ,du ,maurier and a sprinkling of ,leech here and there2 but none of your ,rembrandt effects--they are too dark1 and don't print up well4 ,never mind what the author says2 he hasn't made it ,christmas1 so you must6 ,it is equally difficult to comply with an editorial request such as this3 ,the story ,i send you is as dull as ditch-water2 do please read it over and illustrate it with lively pictures4 ,but some authors are their own publishers1 and they are then generally more careful of the illustrations4 ,perhaps the most exacting of all authors was ,lewis ,carroll4 ,illustration3 ,t ,the name of ,charles ,lutwidge ,dodgson is practically unknown outside of ,oxford ,university1 where he was mathematical lecturer of ,christ ,church2 but the name and fame of ,lewis ,carroll1 author of those inimitable books for children1 both young and old1 ,alice's ,adventures in ,wonderland and ,through the ,looking-glass and what ,alice found there1 are known and beloved all over the world4 ,his first book for children1 ,alice's ,adventures1 was published at a time exactly to suit me4 ,i was just eleven--the age to be first impressed by the pen of ,carroll and the pencil of ,tenniel4 ,when ,i1 a little1 a very little boy in knickerbockers1 first enjoyed the adventures of ,alice and worshipped the pen and the pencil which recorded them1 ,i little thought ,i would some day work hand in hand with the author1 and when that day did arrive ,i regretted that ,i had not been born twenty-two years before ,i had1 for for me to follow ,tenniel was quite as difficult and unsatisfactory a task as for ,carroll to follow ,carroll4 ,the worst of it was that ,i was conscious of this1 and ,lewis ,carroll was not4 ,fortunately for me ,sylvie was not like her prototype ,alice2 the illustrations for ,sylvie would not have suited ,tenniel as ,alice did4 ,i therefore did not fear comparison1 but what ,i did fear was that ,carroll would not be ,carroll1 and ,carroll wasn't--he was ,dodgson4 ,i wish ,i had illustrated him when he was ,carroll2 that he was not the ,carroll of ,alice is plainly indicated in his life in the following passage3#a ,the publication of ',sylvie and ,bruno' marks an epoch in its author's life1 for it was the publication of all the ideals and sentiments which he held most dear4 ,it was a book with a definite purpose2 it would be more true to say with several definite purposes4 ,for this very reason it is not an artistic triumph as the two ',alice' books undoubtedly are2 it is on a lower literary level1 there is no unity in the story4 ,but from a higher standpoint1 that of the ,christian and the philanthropist1 the book is the best thing he ever wrote4 ,it is a noble effort to uphold the right1 or what he thought to be the right1 without fear of contempt or unpopularity4 ,the influence which his earlier books had given him he was determined to use in asserting neglected truths4 #a ,the ,life and ,letters of ,lewis ,carroll1 by ,stuart ,dodgson ,collingwood 7,fisher ,unwin74 ,of course the story has other features--delightful nonsense not surpassed by anything in ',wonderland1' childish prattle with all the charm of reality about it1 and pictures which may fairly be said to rival those of ,sir ,john ,tenniel4 ,had these been all1 the book would have been a great success4 ,as things are1 there are probably hundreds of readers who have been scared by the religious arguments and political discussions which make up a large part of it1 and who have never discovered that ,sylvie is just as entrancing a personage as ,alice when you get to know her4 ,illustration3 ,,instructions ,,in ,a ,,letter ,,from ,,lewis ,,carroll4 ,the character of the book was a bitter disappointment to me4 ,i did not want to illustrate a book of his with any purpose other than the purpose of delightful amusement1 as ,alice was4 ,tenniel had point-blank refused to illustrate another story for ,carroll--he was1 ,tenniel told me1 impossible--and ,carroll evidently was not satisfied with other artists he had tried1 as he wrote me3 ,i have a considerable mass of chaotic materials for a story1 but have never had the heart to go to work to construct the story as a whole1 owing to its seeming so hopeless that ,i should ever find a suitable artist4 ,now that you are found1 etc4 ,that was in #ahhe1 and we worked together for seven years4 ,tenniel and other artists declared ,i would not work with ,carroll for seven weeks6 ,i accepted the challenge1 but ,i1 for that purpose1 adopted quite a new method4 ,no artist is more matter-of-fact or businesslike than myself3 to ,carroll ,i was not ,hy4 ,f41 but someone else1 as he was someone else4 ,i was wilful and erratic1 bordering on insanity4 ,we therefore got on splendidly4 ,of course it was most interesting to me to study such a genius at such a time1 and in recording my experiences and impressions of ,lewis ,carroll my object is not so much to deal with the actual illustration to those ill-conceived books ,sylvie and ,bruno1 but to deal with my impressions of the man obtained by working with him for so long1 for to have known the man was even as great a treat as to read his books4 ,lewis ,carroll was as unlike any other man as his books were unlike any other author's books4 ,it was a relief to meet the pure simple1 innocent dreamer of children1 after the selfish commercial mind of most authors4 ,carroll was a wit1 a gentleman1 a bore and an egotist--and1 like ,hans ,andersen1 a spoilt child4 ,it is recorded of ,andersen that he actually shed tears1 even in late life1 should the cake at tea be handed to anyone before he chose the largest slice4 ,carroll was not selfish1 but a liberal-minded1 liberal-handed philanthropist1 but his egotism was all but second childhood4 ,he informed my wife that she was the most privileged woman in the world1 for she knew the man who knew his 7,lewis ,carroll's7 ideas--that ought to content her4 ,she must not see a picture or read a line of the ,,ms42 it was sufficient for her to gaze at me outside of my studio with admiration and respect1 as the only man besides ,lewis ,carroll himself with a knowledge of ,lewis ,carroll's forthcoming work4 ,furthermore he sent me an elaborate document to sign committing myself to secrecy4 ,this ,i indignantly declined to sign4 ,my word was as good as my bond1 ,i said1 and1 striking an attitude1 ,i hinted that ,i would strike1 inasmuch as ,i would not work for years isolated from my wife and friends4 ,i was therefore no doubt looked upon by him as a lunatic4 ,that was what ,i wanted4 ,i was allowed to show my wife the drawings1 and he wrote3 ,for my own part ,i have shown none of the ,,ms4 to anybody2 and1 though ,i have let some special friends see the pictures1 ,i have uniformly declined to explain them4 ',may ,i ask so-and-so8' they enquire4 ',certainly6' ,i reply2 you may ask as many questions as you like6' ,that is all they get out of me4 ,but his egotism carried him still further4 ,he was determined no one should read his ,,ms4 but he and ,i2 so in the dead of night 7he sometimes wrote up to #d a4m47 he cut his ,,ms4 into horizontal strips of four or five lines1 then placed the whole of it in a sack and shook it up2 taking out piece by piece1 he pasted the strips down as they happened to come4 ,the result1 in such an ,,ms41 dealing with nonsense on one page and theology on another1 was audacious in the extreme1 if not absolutely profane--for example3 ,and ,i found myself repeating1 as ,i left the ,church1 the words of ,jacob1 when he 'awaked out of his sleep1' surely the ,lord is in this4 ,and once more those shrill discordant tones rang out3-- ',he thought he saw a ,banker's ,clerk ,descending from a bus2 ,he looked again1 and found it was-- ,a ,hippopotamus4' ,these incongruous strips were elaborately and mysteriously marked with numbers and letters and various hieroglyphics1 to decipher which would really have turned my assumed eccentricity into positive madness4 ,i therefore sent the whole ,,ms4 back to him1 and again threatened to strike6 ,this had the desired effect4 ,i then received ,,ms4 ,i could read1 although frequently puzzled by its being mixed up with ,euclid and problems in abstruse mathematics4 ,i soon discovered that ,i had undertaken a far more difficult task than ,i anticipated1 for in the first letter of instructions ,i received from the author he frankly acknowledged ,i had my work cut out4 ,cut out suggests dressmaking1 the very subject first chosen for discussion and correspondence4 ,the extraordinary workings of this unique mind are shown by quotations from his letters to me3 ,i think ,i had better explain part of the plot1 as to these two--,sylvie and ,bruno4 ,they are not fairies right through the book--but children4 ,all these conditions make their dress rather a puzzle4 ,they mustn't have wings2 that is clear4 ,and it must be quite the common dress of ,london life4 ,it should be as fanciful as possible1 so as just to be presentable in ,society4 ,the friends might be able to say ',what oddly-dressed children6' but they oughtn't to say ',they are not human6' ,now ,i think you'll say you have 'got your work cut out for you1' to invent a suitable dress6 ,how ,i wish ,i had had those dresses cut out for me6 ,the above instructions were quickly followed by other suggestions which added to my already scanty idea of a costume suitable to ,kensington ,gardens and to fairyland6 ,i was thinking this difficulty would be lessened if the story took place in winter1 when ,i received another letter1 which ,i must frankly confess rather alarmed me3 ,illustration3 ,,specimen ,,of ,,lewis ,,carroll',s ,,drawing ,,and ,,writing4 ,as to the dresses of these children in their fairy state 7we shall sometimes have them mixing in ,society1 and supposed to be real children2 and for that they must1 ,i suppose1 be dressed as in ordinary life1 but eccentrically1 so as to make a little distinction74 ,i wish ,i dared dispense with all costume2 naked children are so perfectly pure and lovely1 but ,mrs4 ,grundy would be furious--it would never do4 ,then the question is1 how little dress will content her8 ,bare legs and feet we must have1 at any rate4 ,i so entirely detest that monstrous fashion high heels 7and in fact have planned an attack on it in this very book71 that ,i cannot possibly allow my sweet little heroine to be victimised by it4 ,another monstrous fashion he condemns refers to a picture of his grown-up heroine in ,london ,society3 ,could you cut off those high shoulders from her sleeves8 ,why should we pay any deference to a hideous fashion that will be extinct a year hence8 ,next to the unapproachable ugliness of 'crinoline1' ,i think these high-shouldered sleeves are the worst things invented for ladies in our time4 ,imagine how horrified they would be if one of their daughters were really shaped like that6 ,i did make a note of a horrified mother with a nineteenth century malformation1 but ,i did not send it to the author1 as it struck me1 when re-reading his letter1 he was possibly serious4 ,still we had ,sylvie's dress1 ,mrs4 ,grundy1 crinolines1 and high heels to discuss3 ,illustration3 ,,original ,,sketch ,,by ,,lewis ,,carroll ,,of ,,his ,,charming ,,hero ,,and ,,heroine4 ,as to your ,sylvie ,i am charmed with your idea of dressing her in white2 it exactly fits my own idea of her2 ,i want her to be a sort of embodiment of ,purity4 ,so ,i think that1 in ,society1 she should be wholly in white--white frock 7'clinging' certainly2 ,i hate crinoline fashion73 also ,i think we might venture on making her fairy dress transparent4 ,don't you think we might face ,mrs4 ,grundy to that extent8 ,in fact ,i think ,mrs4 ,g4 would be fairly content at finding her dressed1 and would not mind whether the material was silk1 or muslin1 or even gauze4 ,one thing more4 ,please don't give ,sylvie high heels6 ,they are an abomination to me4 ,then for months we corresponded about the face of the ,heroine alone4 ,my difficulty was increased by the fact that the fairy child ,sylvie and the ,society grown-up ,lady ,muriel were one and the same person6 ,so ,i received reams of written descriptions and piles of useless photographs intended to inspire me to draw with a few lines a face embodying his ideal in a space not larger than a threepenny-piece4 ,by one post ,i would receive a batch of photographs of some young lady ,lewis ,carroll fancied had one feature1 or half a feature1 of that ideal he had conjured up in his own mind as his heroine4 ,illustration3 ,,lewis ,,carroll',s ,,note ,,to ,,me ,,for ,a ,,pathetic ,,picture4 ,he invited me to visit friends of his1 and strangers too1 from ,john o' ,groats to ,land's ,end1 so as to collect fragments of faces4 ,a propos of this ,i wrote in an artists' magazine a brief account of artists' difficulties with the too exacting author4 7,it is quite safe to write anything about ,judges and ,dons3 they never read anything47 ,i described how ,i received the author's recipe for constructing the ideal heroine4 ,i am not to take one model for the lady-child or child-lady4 ,i am to take several2 for all know no face--at least1 no face with expression1 or with plenty of life or good abilities1 or when showing depth of religious thought--is perfect4 ,i am therefore to go to ,eastbourne to see and study the face of ,miss ,matilda ,smith1 in a pastry-cook's shop1 for the eyes4 ,i am to visit ,eastbourne and eat buns and cakes1 gazing the while into the beauteous eyes of ,miss ,smith4 ,then in ,glasgow there is a ,miss ,o',grady1 with oh1 such a perfect nose6 ,could ,i run up to ,scotland to make a sketch of it8 ,a letter of introduction is enclosed1 and1 as a precaution1 ,i am enjoined that ,i must not mind her squint4 ,but ,i do mind1 and ,i am sure the blemish would sadly mar my proper judgment of the lovely feature for gazing on which those eyes have lost their rectitude4 ,for the ears a journey to ,brighton to see ,miss ,robinson1 the ,vicar's daughter1 is recommended4 ,no1 she may listen1 think ,i1 to the sad sea-waves1 or to her father's sermons1 but never to any flattery from me4 ,the mouth ,i shall find in ,cardiff--not an ,english or ,welsh mouth1 but a sweet ,spaniard's ,seora ,niccolomino1 the daughter of a merchant there4 ,in imagination ,i picture that cigarette held so lovingly in those perfect lips4 ,but ,i am to draw an ,english heroine of fifteen innocent summers--how those curly wreaths of pearly smoke would disenchant my mind of the spell of youth and innocence6 ,for the hair ,i must go to ,brighton2 for the figure to a number of different places4 ,in fact1 my author had mapped out a complete tour for me4 ,had he never heard the old story of the artist who was determined to paint a perfectly correct figure1 strictly in accordance with the orthodox rules of art8 ,as he painted a portion he covered it up1 and so went on until the figure was complete4 ,when it was finished he tore off the covering4 ,the result was hideous6 ,he went mad6 ,i feel sure that fate would have been mine had ,i attempted to carry out ,lewis ,carroll's instructions4 ,i therefore worked on my own lines with success4 ,as his biographer states3 ,meanwhile1 with much interchange of correspondence between author and artist1 the pictures for the new fairy tale1 ',sylvie and ,bruno1' were being gradually evolved4 ,each of them was subjected by ,lewis ,carroll to the most minute criticism--hypercriticism1 perhaps1 occasionally4 ,still he was enthusiastic in his praise1 and absurdly generous in his thanks4 ,he was jealous that ,i would not disclose to him who my model was for ,sylvie4 ,when dining with us many a smile played over the features of my children when he cross-questioned me on this point4 ,repeatedly he wrote to me3 ,how old is your model for ,sylvie8 ,and may ,i have her name and address8 ,my friend ,miss ,e4 ,g4 ,thomson1 an artist great in 'fairies1' would be glad to know of her1 ,i'm sure1 and so on4 ,the fairy ,sylvie was my own daughter6 ,all the children in his books ,i illustrated were my own children2 yet this fact never struck him6 ,he visited us in the country when ,i was at work1 and ,i soon afterwards received the following letter3 ,thanks4 ,i was not aware that the boy1 whose photo ,i sent you1 had far-apart eyes4 ,if you think 7and you are quite the best judge of the point7 that these eyes are needed in order to give to the face the fun and roguery ,i want expressed1 by all means retain them4 ,it had occurred to me to write and beg that1 if ,arundel did not furnish all requisite models for drawing from life1 you would let all portions of pictures which would have to be done without models or wait till you return to town1 wait4 ,but as ,i think you definitely told me that you never do the finished pictures except from life1 ,i presume the petition to be superfluous4 ,when ,i received this letter at ,arundel my second boy was sitting in his bathing costume on a garden-roller on the lawn for a picture of ,bruno sitting on a dead mouse4 ,i was chaffing my model about flirting with a young lady he met at a children's garden party1 and threatened to inform his sweetheart in ,london1 when he assured me with knowingness1 ,fact is1 papa1 the young lady here is all right for the country1 you know--but she would never do in town6 ,illustration3 ,,sylvie ,,and ,,bruno4 ,,my ,,original ,,drawing ,,for ,,lewis ,,carroll4 7,never published47 ,it was the same idea as ,lewis ,carroll's about models4 ,as ,i have brought my family into this1 ,i may mention that there is one picture in ,sylvie and ,bruno 7vol4 i41 p4 #acd7 which brings back to me the only sorrowful hour ,i had in connection with the otherwise enjoyable work4 ,my wife was very ill--so ill it was a question of life and death4 ,expert opinion was called in1 and the afternoon ,i had to make that drawing--with my own children as models--the consultation was being held in my wife's room4 ,carroll was on his way from ,oxford to see the work1 and ,i was drawing against time4 ,it's the old story of the clown with the sick wife4 ,caricaturists are after all but clowns of the pencil4 ,they must raise a laugh whatever their state of mind may be4 ,for a long time ,i never would show ,lewis ,carroll my work1 for the simple reason ,i did not do it4 ,he thought ,i was at work1 but ,i was not4 ,that's where my acting eccentricity came in4 ,i knew that ,i would have to draw the subjects right off1 not one a month or one in six months4 ,correspondence for three months1 as a rule1 led to work for one week4 ,isolated verse ,i did let him have the illustrations for1 but not the body of the book4 ,this was my only chance1 and ,i arrived at this secrecy by the following bold stroke4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,go ,,mad6 ,lewis ,carroll came from ,oxford one evening1 early in the history of the work1 to dine1 and afterwards to see a batch of work4 ,he ate little1 drank little1 but enjoyed a few glasses of sherry1 his favourite wine4 ,now1 he said1 for the studio6 ,i rose and led the way4 ,my wife sat in astonishment4 ,she knew ,i had nothing to show4 ,through the drawing-room1 down the steps of the conservatory to the door of my studio4 ,my hand is on the handle4 ,through excitement ,lewis ,carroll stammers worse than ever4 ,now to see the work for his great book6 ,i pause1 turn my back to the closed door1 and thus address the astonished ,don3 ,mr4 ,dodgson1 ,i am very eccentric--,i cannot help it6 ,let me explain to you clearly1 before you enter my studio1 that my eccentricity sometimes takes a violent form4 ,if ,i1 in showing my work1 discover in your face the slightest sign that you are not absolutely satisfied with any particle of this work in progress1 the whole of it goes into the fire6 ,it is a risk3 will you accept it1 or will you wait till ,i have the drawings quite finished and send them to ,oxford8 ,i--,i--,i ap--appreciate your feelings--,i--,i--should feel the same myself4 ,i am off to ,oxford6 and he went4 ,illustration3 ,handwritten note ,i sent him drawings as they were finished1 and each parcel brought back a budget of letter-writing1 each page being carefully numbered4 ,this is the top of page #e in his #di1hgdth letter4 ,i am not sure if ,i received all the remaining #di1hgc letters in the seven years4 ,to meet him and to work for him was to me a great treat4 ,i put up with his eccentricities--real ones1 not sham like mine4--,i put up with a great deal of boredom1 for he was a bore at times1 and ,i worked over seven years with his illustrations1 in which the actual working hours would not have occupied me more than seven weeks1 purely out of respect for his genius4 ,i treated him as a problem1 and ,i solved him1 and had he lived ,i would probably have still worked with him4 ,he remunerated me liberally for my work2 still1 he actually proposed that in addition ,i should partake of the profits2 his gratitude was overwhelming4 ,i am grateful2 and ,i feel sure that if pictures could sell a book ',sylvie and ,bruno' would sell like wildfire4 ,perhaps the most pleasant confession ,i have to make is my fondness for children4 ,they always interest and amuse me more than grown-ups4 ,the commonplace talk is to them unknown2 it is full of surprises4 ,perhaps the nursery's record of my family is not longer or any more interesting than the sayings and doings of the youngsters of any other family2 still a few extracts may interest those who1 like myself1 are interested in first impressions4 ,my eldest1 just entering on his teens1 had as companions two brothers and one sister4 ,hearing there was an addition to this little family group1 he1 dressed in flannels1 ran into my studio1 bat in hand1 ,papa1 is it a boy or a girl8 ,a boy4 ,oh1 ,i am so glad4 ,i do want a wicket-keeper1 and ,dorothy can't wicket-keep a bit4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,do ,,want ,a ,,wicket-,,keeper6 ,a stoutly-made little fellow of eight1 to his mother1 who happened to be extremely thin3 ,oh1 mother1 ,i do believe you must be the very sweetest woman in the world6 ,thanks very much1 ,lawrence4 ,but why so affectionate8 ,what do you want8 ,i don't want anything4 ,i only know you must be the very sweetest woman in the world4 ,really1 you are too flattering4 ,why this sudden outburst of affection8 ,well1 you know1 ,i've been thinking over the old1 old saying1 ',the nearer the bone the sweeter the meat4' ,children1 ,i think1 have the art of leading up to jokes better than adults4 ,they hear some strange remark1 they naturally analyse it1 and it suggests an application4 ,for instance1 this brat possibly objected to some portion of meat at table4 ,his mother had reminded of the old saying1 ,the nearer the bone the sweeter the meat4 ,thin mother1--there's the application4 ,one of my youngsters ran into the drawing-room at five o'clock tea4 ,a lady visitor thus addressed him3 ,come here1 my little man4 ,i suppose when you grow up you will be an artist1 like your father8 ,my father is not an artist4 ,oh1 my dear1 he is an artist4 ,oh1 no1 no1 no1 my father is not an artist--he's only a black and white man4 ,i am going to be an artist in all colours4 ,illustration3 ,,portion ,,of ,,letter ,,from ,,lawrence1 ,,age #i4 ,my own children have been my models1 not only for ,lewis ,carroll's books1 but for all my drawings of children4 ,i have three boys and one girl4 ,dorothy is now a successful artist1 and ,lawrence is1 at the age of eighteen1 a professional draughtsman of mechanical subjects2 my youngest is just out of his teens4 ,their portraits manifolded will be found in the page sketch from ,romps ,du ,maurier wrote me a most graceful appreciation of these books1 which1 considering his delightful pictures of children in ,punch1 was most gratifying to me4 ,illustration3 ,,reduction ,,from ,a ,,design ,,for ,,my ,,romps4 ,illustration3 ,,portion ,,of ,a ,,letter ,,from ,,george ,,du ,,maurier4 ,an artist for whose work ,i have the greatest admiration was the late ,randolph ,caldecott1 and the only occasion on which ,i had the pleasure of meeting him was of a semi-theatrical kind4 ,it was at one of the ,artists' ,tableaux which were given in ,london some years ago4 ,in those produced in ,piccadilly ,i took no part1 and the entertainment to which ,i refer was held at the ,mansion ,house4 ,at the last moment1 in order to complete one of the pictures1 a portly ,dutchman was required1 and a telegram was despatched to me to enquire whether ,i would represent the character4 ,a dress1 which was not a very good fit1 was provided for me by the costumier of the show1 and with the aid of a little padding1 a good deal of rouge1 a long clay pipe1 and a bottle of schnapps1 ,i managed to look something like the inflated ,hollander ,i was representing1 in the centre of the group1 where ,i was supposed to be looking on at a game of bowls4 ,caldecott1 who was placed at a window1 flirting with the maids of the ,queen1 was attired in a graceful costume of the most faultless description1 surmounted by a magnificent hat with a sweeping brim and splendid feathers1 upon which he had expended no little pains and money4 ,my head-gear consisted of a very insignificant stage property hat1 but as ,i was not intended to contribute an element of beauty to the picture1 that didn't matter4 ,the tableau was arranged by ,mr4 ,e4 ,a4 ,abbey1 and when taking his last look round before the curtain was raised1 his artistic eye detected that more black was required in the centre4 ,while we were thus in our allotted positions1 and straining every nerve to remain perfectly rigid--an ordeal which1 by the way1 ,i never wish to go through again1 as ,i had hard work to restrain myself from breaking out into a ,highland fling or an ,irish jig1 or calling out ,boo6 to the audience to relieve my pent-up feelings--,mr4 ,abbey suddenly seized the superb hat on ,caldecott's head1 which the latter had had specially made1 and in which he really fancied himself1 handed it to me1 and to ,caldecott's horror1 and almost before he was conscious that he had been made ridiculous by the wretched remnant which had been sent from ,bow ,street for me1 the curtain was rung up4 ,i confess ,i have a certain amount of pity1 closely akin to contempt1 for the artist who must have the actual character he wants to paint1 who cannot use a model merely for reference1 but paints in everything like a photograph4 ,some artists call such feebleness conscientiousness1 but to me it seems mere weakness4 ,must an author paint each character in his book1 or an actor take his every impersonation on the stage1 minutely from some living model8 ,surely observation and natural originality is more than the photographic copying of your conscientious artist6 ,worse feebleness still it is when an artist has to paint a well-known character1 say ,king ,lear or ,mary ,queen of ,scots1 and goes about hunting for a living person as near as possible in appearance to the original1 and then costumes and slavishly reproduces him or her1 without any show of judgment or insight after the model is once selected4 ,and this lack of insight into character seems deplorably prevalent among our figure painters1 for how often we see in the exhibitions the model with a good head tamely reproduced over and over again--here as a monk1 there as a ,polonius1 ,thomas ,becket1 a blind beggar1 ,his ,excellency1 a pensioner1 or painted by some artist who wants to make a bid for portraiture as ,a portrait of a gentleman6 ,black and white men have to introduce so many characters into their work1 they are obliged to invent them2 but it is a curious fact that this facility disappears at times4 ,the late ,mr4 ,fred ,barnard1 clever as he was at inventing character for his black and white work1 found1 when he was painting in oil1 that confidence had left him1 and he spent several days wandering about ,london to find real characters for a picture he was painting representing the jury in ,pilgrim's ,progress4 ,one day in ,oxford ,street he saw a hansom-cab driver with a face besotted with drink and ripe for production as a slave to ,bacchus4 ,barnard hailed the hansom1 jumped in1 and directed the jehu to drive him to his studio on ,haverstock ,hill4 ,in going up the ,hampstead ,road a tram-car ran over a child4 ,barnard was terribly upset by the touching sight1 and told the driver to pull up at the nearest tavern4 ,getting out1 he looked at his subject1 intending to invite him to refreshment before taking him on to his studio1 where he intended to paint him4 ,to his horror the face of the bibulous cabman had lost all its colour1 and was of a pale greenish hue4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,transformation4 ,that was horful1 sir1 warn't it8 ,it'll upset me for a week4 ,the disappointed artist dismissed his subject4 ,illustration ,much could be written of this genuine humourist4 ,his buoyant fun was irrepressible2 indoors and out of doors he entertained himself--and sometimes his friends--with his jokes4 ,in his studio he kept as pets some little tortoises4 ,they were allowed to crawl about as they liked1 but he had painted on their backs caricatures--a laughing face1 a sour-green face1 one with a look of horror1 another of mischief4 ,a visitor seated unaware of these would suddenly spring off the sofa as the walking mask slowly appeared from underneath it6 ,barnard's power of mimicry was great1 and his jokes were as excellent as his drawings4 ,even when sitting before the camera for his photograph1 he had his little joke4 ,illustration3 ,,barnard ,,and ,,the ,,models4 ,there are a number of girls who go the round of the studios1 but have no right whatever to do so4 ,they generally hunt in pairs1 and this habit surely distinguishes them from the real model4 ,they are more easily drawn than described4 ,two of this class once called on ,barnard4 ,what do you sit for8 he asked4 ,oh1 anything1 sir4 ,ah1 ,i am a figure man1 you are no use to me1 but there is a friend of mine over there who is now painting a landscape--,i think you might do very well for a haystack2 and your friend might try studio ,no4 #e and sit for a thunder-cloud1 the artist there is starting a stormy piece--oh1 good morning4 ,tableau6 ,a wretched individual once called upon me and begged me to give him a sitting4 ,i asked him to sit for what ,i was at work upon3 this was a wicket-keeper in a cricket match bending over the wicket4 ,i assured the man he need not apologise1 as he had really turned up at an opportune moment2 the drawing was news1 and it had to be finished that day4 ,when ,i had shown my model the position and made him understand exactly what ,i wanted1 ,i noticed to my surprise that he was trembling all over4 ,i immediately asked him if he were cold4 ,no4 ,nervous8 ,no4 ,then why not keep still8 ,well1 that's just what ,i can't do1 sir6 ,i had to give up my occupation because1 sir1 ,i am hafflicted with the palsy1 and when ,i bend ,i do tremble so4 ,i only sit for 'ands1 sir--for 'ands to portrait painters4 ,i close 'em for a military gent--,i open 'em for a bishop--but when the hartist is hin a 'urry ,i know as 'ow to 'ide one 'and in my pocket and the hother hunder a cocked 'at4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,sit ,,for ',,ands1 ,,sir4 ,hiding hands recalls to me a fact ,i may mention in justice to our modern ,english caricaturists4 ,we never make capital out of our subjects' deformities4 ,this ,i pointed out at a dinner in ,birmingham a few years ago1 at which ,i was the guest of the evening1 and as ,i was addressing journalists ,i mention this fact in justice to myself and my brother caricaturists4 ,as it happened1 that afternoon ,i had heard ,mr4 ,gladstone making his first speech in the opening of ,parliament1 #ahhf1 after being returned in ,opposition4 ,turning round to his young supporters1 he used for the first time the now famous expression an old ,parliamentary hand1 holding up at the same time a hand on which there were only three fingers4 ,now had ,i drawn that hand as it was1 minus the first finger1 showing the black patch8 ,it would have been tempting on the part of a foreign caricaturist1 because it had a curious application under the circumstances4 7,but it would be noticed that in my sketch in ,punch the first finger1 which really did not exist1 is prominently shown47 ,this was the first time the fact was made public that ,mr4 ,gladstone had not the first finger on the left hand2 since then1 however1 all artists1 humorous or serious1 were careful to show ,mr4 ,gladstone's left hand as pointed out by me4 ,now ,i had noticed this for years in the ,house1 and ,i hold as an argument that men are not observant the fact that ,members who had sat in the ,house with ,mr4 ,gladstone1 on the same benches1 for years1 assured me that they had never noticed his hand before ,i made this matter public4 ,so that when ,i am told that ,i misrepresent portraits of prominent men ,i always point to this fact4 ,mr4 ,gladstone was careful to hide the deformity in his photographs1 but in his usual energetic manner in the ,house the black patch in place of the finger was on many occasions in no way concealed4 ,these are plebeian models1 but sometimes artists' friends recommend amateur models--a broken-down gentleman or some other poor relation--and when you are drawing social modern subjects1 of course these are really of more use than the badly-dressed professional model4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,punch ,,engraving1 ,,drawn ,,on ,,wood4 ,on ,private ,view ,day at the ,royal ,academy a few years ago a knot of artists and their wives were in one of the rooms2 it was late1 and few of the visitors remained4 ,the attention of the artists was attracted by a stately and beautiful being who entered and went round examining the pictures4 ,how charming6 remarked one4 ,delightful6 replied another4 ,oh1 if she would but sit to me6 prayed a third4 ,why not ask her8 asked the practical one4 ,if anyone can1 you can2 so remember that faint heart never won fair sitter6 ,well1 here goes6 whispered the cavalier1 ,mr4 ,val ,prinsep1 ,r4,a41 in the tone of one about to lead a forlorn hope1 and he charged desperately across the gallery4 ,he approached the fair stranger1 and politely taking off his hat said diffidently3 ,madam1 ,i am one of the ,academy4 ,should you wish to know anything about the pictures ,i shall be glad---- ,oh1 thanks4 ,i know a good deal about them4 ,indeed6 ,then you will understand how we artists are always on the look-out for beauty to paint--and--ah--hm--well1 you see ,i--that is we 7pointing to the group7 were so struck with your presence that--ah--pardon my abruptness--we thought that if such a thing were possible you might condescend to allow one of us to make a study of your head--ah4 ,oh1 with pleasure1 said the fair visitor1 taking from her hand-bag a neat little note-book1 and opening it1 she said3 ,well1 ,i have only got ,sundays and one ,wednesday next month disengaged1--,i have got sittings on every other day4 ,will this be of any use to you8 ,she was a model6 ,the first house ,i occupied after ,i married faced one occupied by a well-known and worthy fiery-tempered man of letters1 and it so happened that one evening my wife and ,i were dining at the house of another neighbour4 ,we were gratified to learn that our celebrated vis--vis1 hearing we had come to live in the same square1 was anxious to make our acquaintance4 ,on our return home that night we discovered the latch-key had been forgotten1 and unfortunately our knocking and ringing failed to arouse the domestics4 ,it was not long1 however1 before we awoke our neighbours1 and a window of the house opposite was violently thrown open1 and language all the stronger by being endowed with literary merit came from that man of letters1 who in the dark was unable to see the particular neighbours offending him1 and he referred to my wife and myself in a way that could not be passed over4 ,a battle of words ensued in which ,i was proved the victor1 and my neighbour beat a hasty retreat4 ,before retiring ,i wrote a note to the friend we had just left to say that in the circumstances ,i refused to know my neighbour1 and he had better inform him that ,i would on the first opportunity punch his head4 ,by the same post ,i wrote for a particular model1--a retired pugilist4 ,as soon as he arrived next morning ,i placed him at the window of my studio facing the opposite house1 now and then sending him down to the front door to stand on the doorstep to await some imaginary person1 and to keep his eye on the house opposite4 ,i went on with my work in peace4 ,presently a note came3 ,,dear ,,furniss1--,your neighbour has sent round to ask me what you are like4 ,he has never seen you till this morning1 and he is frightened to leave his house4 ,he implores me to apologise for him4 ,he departed from the neighbourhood shortly afterwards4 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,fighting ,,double4 ,sad to relate that all ,governmental undertakings of an artistic nature1 from our most colossal public building or monument to the design of a postage stamp1 are fair game for ridicule6 ,the outward manifest record of the ,post ,office ,jubilee--rather the ,post ,office ,jumble--was the envelope and post card published by the ,government and sold for one shilling4 ,the pitiful character of the design1 from an artistic point of view1 shocked every person of taste2 so ,i set to work and burlesqued it1 strictly following the lines of the genuine article4 ,a glance at my envelope alone1 therefore1 is sufficient to show the wretched quality of the original4 ,it happened that the postmen's grievances were very prominent at that time4 ,the ,postmaster-,general and the trade unionists and others were at fever heat1 and excitement ran high4 ,this caricature-parody1 therefore1 was a sketch with a purpose4 ,it was said at one of the meetings that my pencil may perhaps touch the public sympathy in behalf of the postman more effectually than any language has been able to do4 ,the wretched thing was thought worthy of an article by ,mr4 ,m4 ,h4 ,spielmann4 ,my skit1 it is needless to add1 was very popular with the postmen4 ,they showed their gratitude by saving many a misdirected letter4 ,a letter addressed ,harry ,furniss1 ,london1 has frequently found me1 without the loss of a post4 ,illustration3 ,,specimen ,,of ,,mr4 ,,linley ,,sambourne',s ,,envelopes ,,to ,,me4 ,i signed a certain number1 which sold at #ajs4 #f;d4 each1 and were bought up principally by the members of the ,philatelic ,society4 ,perhaps the publication of this ,post ,office ,jumble card was also the cause of the puzzled postmen taking the trouble to decipher and deliver the far more amusing artistic jokes of that irrepressible joker1 ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne4 ,by his permission ,i here publish a page1 a selection of the envelopes he has sent me from time to time4 ,it is bad enough purposely to puzzle the overworked letter-carriers--they are too often tried by unintentional touches of humour emanating from the most innocent and unsuspected members of the public--but ,i confess that ,i was once the innocent cause of ,mr4 ,sambourne trying the same thing on with the overworked bank clerk4 ,illustration3 ,,cheque ,,for #e-a_/b;,d4 ,,passed ,,through ,,two ,,banks ,,and ,,paid4 ,i ,,signed ,,it backwards1 ,,and ,,it ,,was ,,cancelled ,,by ,,clerk backwards4 ,i sent my ,punch friend a cheque1 here reproduced1 for the sum of #e-a_/b;d41 payable to ,lynnlay ,sam ,bourne1 ,esqre1 signed by me backwards1 crossed ,don't you wish you may get it and go4 ,sambourne endorsed it ,l4 ,sam4 ,bourne1 and sent it to his bank4 ,the clerk went one better1 and wrote ,cancelled backwards across my reversed signature4 ,it passed through my bank1 and the money was paid4 ,this is probably unique in the history of banking4 ,illustration3 ,,sir ,,henry ,,irving ,,writes ,,his ,,name ,,backwards4 ,a propos of writing backwards1 in days when artists made their drawings on wood everything of course had to be reversed1 and writing backwards became quite easy4 ,to this day ,i can write backwards nearly as quickly as ,i write in the ordinary way4 ,one night at supper ,i was explaining this1 and furthermore told my friends that they themselves could write backwards--in fact1 they could not avoid doing so4 ,not of course on the table1 as ,i was doing1 but by placing the sheet of paper against the table underneath1 and writing with the point upwards4 ,perhaps my reader will try--and see the effect4 ,for encouragement here are a few of the first attempts on that particular evening4 ,illustration3 ,,sir ,,henry ,,irving',s ,,attempt4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,j4 ,l4 ,,toole',s ,,first ,,attempt4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,j4 ,l4 ,,toole',s ,,second ,,attempt4 ,a few years ago a banquet was given at the ,mansion ,house to the representatives of ,french art2 several ,english painters and others interested in art were invited to meet them4 ,previous to being presented to the ,lord ,mayor1 every guest was requested to sign an autograph album--an unusual proceeding1 ,i think1 at a ,city dinner4 ,were ,i ,lord ,mayor ,i would compel my guests to sign their names--not on arrival1 but when leaving the ,mansion ,house1 and thus possess an autograph album of erratic graphology1 and one worth studying4 ,in company with my friend ,mr4 ,whitworth ,wallis1 the curator of the ,birmingham ,museum and ,art ,gallery1 ,i entered the ,mansion ,house1 when we were immediately accosted by a powdered flunkey in gorgeous uniform1 in possession of the autograph album1 who presented a truly magnificent pen at us1 and in peremptory tones demanded our life or our signatures4 ,whitworth ,wallis wrote his first1 with a dash and confidence4 ,i stood by and admired4 ,oh1 ,i said1 taking the pen1 that's not half a dash2 let me show you mine4 ,illustration ,jeames1 in taking the pen from me1 looked condescendingly over the page1 and with the air of a justice delivering judgment said to me3 ,beaten 'im by hinches1 sir4 ,beaten 'im by hinches6 ,months after that ,i gave an entertainment one evening at ,woolwich4 ,my audience was principally composed of ,arsenal hands4 ,on leaving the platform ,i was taken into the ,athletic ,club rooms1 and asked to sign their autograph book and say a few words to the members4 ,the few words consisted of the record ,i had made in the signing match ,i had with ,mr4 ,wallis at the ,mansion ,house--an incident which was brought to my mind suddenly when ,i took the pen in my hand4 ,it so happened that ,whitworth ,wallis1 who is a well-known lecturer on art matters1 was on that same night lecturing in the ,north of ,england1 and as he left the platform at the same hour as ,i at ,woolwich1 he was1 like me1 asked to sign an autograph book1 and told the very same story to his friends in the ,north as ,i was telling under exactly similar circumstances1 the same evening1 at the same hour1 in the ,south4 ,neither of us knew that the other was lecturing that night4 ,it is not by any means a usual thing to be asked to sign a club album1 and ,wallis and ,i had not met or corresponded since the evening at the ,mansion ,house4 ,after working many years for the ,illustrated ,london ,news1 ,i became a contributor to the ,graphic1 and for that journal wrote and illustrated a series of supplements upon ,life in ,parliament2 but from this time forward it would be difficult to name any illustrated paper with which ,i have not at some time or other been connected4 ,for instance1 the ,yorkshire ,post a few years ago started a halfpenny evening paper1 and sent their manager down to me to ask my honorarium to illustrate the first few numbers with character sketches of the members of the ,british ,association1 who were holding their meetings that week in ,leeds4 ,this was a happy thought1 as the ,british ,asses1 as they are too familiarly called1 sent these first numbers of the paper all over the country2 the new ship had something to start upon1 and is now a prosperous concern4 ,there are various stories about the sum ,i received for this work4 ,it was a large sum for ,england1 where enterprise of this kind is very rare4 ,i was billed all over the town as if ,i were a ,patti or ,paderewski1 and telegrams were sent to the ,london papers by the special reporters announcing the terms upon which ,i was at work2 altogether it was a bit of ,yankee booming that would have made a ,harmsworth or a ,newnes green with envy4 ,,caricature4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,a ,,chat ,,between ,,my ,,pen ,,and ,,pencil4 ,what is ,caricature8--,interviewing--,catching ,caricatures--,pellegrini--,the ,ha6 ,ha6--,black and ,white v4 ,paint--,how to make a ,caricature--,m4,p4's--,my ,system--,mr4 ,labouchere's ,attitude--,do the ,subjects object8--,colour in ,caricature--,caught6--,a ,pocket ,caricature--,the ,danger of the ,shirt-cuff--,the ,danger of a ,marble ,table--,quick ,change--,advice to those about to ,caricature4 ,illustration3 ,if ,if ,i am asked what is caricature1 how can ,i define it8 ,ah1 here it is explained by some great authority--whom ,i cannot say1 for ,i have it under the heading of ,cuttings from ,colney ,hatch1 undated1 unnamed4 ,kindly read it carefully3 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,studio ,,of ,a ,,caricaturist4 ,the word itself1 'caricature1' is related etymologically to our own 'cargo1' and means1 in all ,italian simplicity1 a loading4 ,so1 then1 the finely analytical quality of the ,italian intellect1 disengaging the ultimate 7material7 element out of all the 7spiritual7 elements of pictorial distortion and travesty1 called it simply a 'loading4' ,after all1 'exageration' only substitutes the idea of mound1 or agger for carica--the heaping up of a mound--for the common ,italian word 'load' or 'cartload4' ,one can easily understand how a cold1 cynical1 and hating ,neapolitan1 pushed about by the police for a likeness much too like1 would shrug his shoulders1 and say1 possibly1 the likeness was loaded4 ,but when we look at the character of the loading1 there may be anything there1 from diabolical and malignant spite up to the simplest fun1 to say nothing of the almost impossibility of drawing the real truth1 and the almost necessary tendency to exaggerate one thing and diminish another4 ,but if the ,italian mind1 with a head to be chopped off by a despot for a joke1 discovered the colourless and impregnable word 'load1' the ,french gamin1 on his own responsibility1 hit upon the identical word in ,french1 namely1 'charge'--une charge meaning both a pictorial or verbal goak or caricature1 and a load4 ,when did the word 'caricature' first obtain in the ,italian language1 and how8 ,when did the word 'charge' acquire a similar meaning in ,france1 and was it or not suggested by the ,italian word8 ,but the thing caricature goes back to the night of ages1 and is in its origin connected with the subjective risible faculty on the one side and the objective tendency to making faces on the other4 ,curiously enough1 the original ,german ideas of caricature appear to have hinged precisely upon the distortion of the countenance1 since ,fratze1 the leading word for caricature1 signifies originally a grimace4 ,then we have ,posse1 buffoonery 7,italian1 pazzie71 which1 without original reference to drawing1 would exactly express many of ,mr4 ----'s very exquisite drolleries1 diving as they do into the weirdest genius--conceptions of night and of day1 of dawn and of twilight--the mixture of the terrible1 the grotesque1 the gigantic1 the infinitely little1 the animal1 the beast1 the ethereal1 the divinely loving1 the diabolically cynical1 the crawling1 the high-bred1 all in a universal salmagundi and lobster nightmare1 mixing up the loveliest conceptions with croaking horrors1 the eternal aurora with the everlasting nitschewo of the frozen1 blinding steppe4 ,caricature6 ,what can we ,english call it8 ,what indeed after this8 ,except in despair we adopt the child's well-known definition--,first you think1 and then you draw round the think4 ,i have been more than once asked to deliver a lecture explaining the process4 ,of course such an idea is too absurd for serious consideration4 ,the comic writer cannot give anyone a recipe for making jokes1 nor can a comic actor show you how to grimace so as to make others laugh in this serious country4 ,we are not taught to look at the comic side of things--any humorous element may grow1 like ,topsy1 unaided--nor is the power given to many to explain to others their inventions4 ,bessemer1 the inventor of the steel bearing his name1 when he first made his discovery was asked to read a paper explaining his invention to a large meeting of experts4 ,he had his carefully-prepared notes in front of him1 but they only embarrassed him4 ,he struggled to speak1 but failed4 ,only the weight of the lumps of metal dangling in his coattail pocket kept him from collapsing4 ,suddenly he dived his hand into the pocket and produced a piece of steel1 which he thumped on the table4 ,bother the paper6 ,here is my steel1 and ,i'll tell you how ,i made it6 ,so would it be with a caricaturist4 ,after a struggle he would say1 ,bother words1 words1 words6 ,here is a pencil1 and here is some paper4 ,i'll show you how ,i caricature4 ,personally1 ,i have no objection to being caricatured--,i frequently make caricatures of myself4 ,nor have ,i any objection to being interviewed--,i interview myself4 ,what else are these pages but interviews8 ,i confess ,i fail to see any objection to a legitimate caricature or a legitimate interview4 ,on the contrary1 ,i look upon interviewing by an experienced and sympathetic writer as invaluable to a public man who is bringing out something novel and of interest to the public at large4 ,it certainly seems to me judicious that he should give his preliminary ideas regarding it to the public firsthand1 instead of allowing them to leak out in an unauthentic and disfigured form through the fervid imaginations of irresponsible scribes1 leading to much misconception4 ,illustration3 ,,caricature ,,of ,,me ,,by ,,my ,,daughter1 ,,age #ae4 ,but ,i do object to the incapable1 be he an interviewer wielding the pencil or the pen4 ,to illustrate my meaning ,i shall take the latter first4 ,the pen in this case did his work in true professional style4 ,he came to interview me1 and by doing so to boom me for a journal which was about to make a feature of my contributions to its pages4 ,he brought with him a new note-book of remarkable size2 an artist with a portfolio1 pencils1 and other artistic necessities2 and a photographer6 ,the interviewer shall describe the scene in his own words4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,serious ,,portrait--,,from ,,life4 ,the interviewer remarked that the readers of the ----would be very interested in knowing exactly how the thing 7interviewing7 was done4 ,how did the ideas come8 ,how did they take shape8 ,and what was the method of work8 ,neither at these nor at any other questions did ,mr4 ,furniss wince4 ,it must not be forgotten that when he was in ,america last year he was interviewed1 on an average1 once a day2 and a man who has passed through such an experience as that is unlikely to recoil before any ordinary ordeal2 although ,mr4 ,furniss was bound to admit that a combination of interviewer1 artist1 and photographer had never before got him into his grip4 ,the situation would have had its ludicrous side for anybody who had chanced to peep through the skylight4 ,the spectacle of five men 7for the presence of the indefatigable secretary was an indispensable part of the proceedings7 all solemnly drinking tea1 while a deer-hound kept a wistful eye on the sugar-basin1 was unusual1 and perhaps a little grotesque--to all save the participants4 ,seated at his easel in the characteristic position represented in our sketch1 ,mr4 ,furniss would now and again ask permission to move his arm towards his cup of tea1 and would then bend back to the make-belief work at which he was posing4 ,there is a picture of interviewing6 ,everything so prepared1 so studied1 so well described to impress the subscribers of the enterprising journal4 ,the photographer with a wide angle lens took in all that was in my studio--to make-believe1 as the camera invariably does1 that the apartment was six times larger than it really is4 ,but the artist1 who should idealise if the photographer could not1 who so sadly interfered with my enjoying my tea1 who was sent to make the most of me to raise the enthusiasm of the readers and to increase the subscriptions1 succeeded in doing with his pencil what no interviewer has done with his pen1--he made me wince6 ,here is a reduction of the serious portrait published4 ,i have sat down time after time to answer young correspondents' questions about the system to adopt for the production of caricature4 ,i invariably end by drawing imaginary caricatures of my correspondent and fail to reply4 ,when interviewed on the subject of caricature1 ,i discourse on the history of the ,pre-,raphaelite movement1 and the technique in the work of ,burne-,jones1 ,rossetti1 and ,holman ,hunt1 and caricature is therefore driven from our minds4 ,however1 the difficulty was solved in a very unexpected manner4 ,one day1 whilst smoking my cigar after lunch1 ,i overheard an interview in my studio1 which ,i here reproduce4 ,a ,pencil of mine was working away merrily shortly after the opening of the ,session1 when suddenly my favourite ,pen flew off the writing-table1 where it had been enjoying a quiet forty winks1 and alighted on the easel4 ,illustration ,how very awkward you are6 cried the ,pencil4 ,see1 you have knocked against and so agitated me that ,i have actually given ,sir ,william an extra chin4 ,one more or less does not matter1 does it8 rejoined the ,pen4 ,i apologise1 and trust you will make allowances for me1 as ,i am only an artist's ,pen1 don't you know1 and naturally rather uncouth1 ,i fear4 ,pray take a seat upon the indiarubber1 and let me know to what ,i am indebted for the honour of this visit4 ,well1 continued the ,pen1 ,i have flown over here to remind you of your promise to confess to me some of the secrets of caricature4 ,ah1 yes1 replied the ,pencil1 ,i remember now4 ,i have really been so busy sketching ,members of ,parliament at ,st4 ,stephen's1 that ,i had almost forgotten my promise4 ,a poor ,pen is out of place in an artist's studio1 except to minister to the requirements of the autograph hunter4 ,well1 you need not be jealous4 ,my literary flight is not intended to be a very high one after all4 ,now you know more about the secrets of the studio than ,i do2 so tell me1 is it the custom of ,h4 ,f4 to have a regular sitting for a caricature1 after the fashion of the portrait painters8 ,oh1 you are too delightfully innocent altogether1 laughed the ,pencil1 rubbing its leaden head rapidly on a piece of paper1 to sharpen its point4 ,a regular sitting6 ,what do you think8 ,no1 sir1 no1 emphatically never4 ,such an operation would be fatal to the delicate constitution of a caricature1 and the result would not be worth the paper upon which it is drawn4 ,it is only in ordinary portraiture that a sitting is required1 and upon that point ,i have a theory4 ,oh1 never mind your theories now1 old fellow1 rejoined the ,pen1 as it took a sip of ink and prepared to chronicle the reply4 ,what ,i want to chat to you about at present is how to catch a caricature4 ,the ,pencil pricked up his ears1 and with a knowing wink1 said3 ,ah1 ,i see6 ,you want to know secrets4 ,well1 ,i will tell you 'how it's done4' ,the great point about a caricature is that it must be caught unawares4 ,a man when he thinks he is unobserved struts about gaily1 just for all the world like a hedgehog4 ,all his peculiarities are then as evident as your cousins the quills upon the back of the fretful porcupine4 ,but the moment the man or woman who is about to be caricatured observes ,h4 ,f4 take me in hand1 ,i always notice that he shrivels up and collapses as quickly as one of the insectivora surprised at his feast4 ,but wait a moment3 now you ask me1 ,i do recollect one unfortunate man who1 despite ,h4 ,f4's protest1 insisted upon coming here once to sit for a caricature4 ,he looked the picture of misery1 and sat in the chair there1 just as if he were at a dentist's4 ,h4 ,f4 made a most flattering portrait4 ,indeed1 so much too handsome was it that ,i could hardly follow the workings of his fingers1 ,i was laughing so4 ',oh1 what a relief6' cried the sitter1 when ,h4 ,f4 showed him the drawing4 ',you have certainly made a pretty guy of me1 but1 thank heaven1 ,i am not thin-skinned4' ',only thick-headed1' muttered ,h4 ,f4 sotto voce to me as he continued to chat with the sitter4 ,no sooner had he left the studio than the 'study' was in the fire1 and the caricature which afterwards came from the ,furniss was drawn entirely from memory4 ,the artist is in more evil case when he has absolutely no chance whatever of making the slightest memorandum1 for he must trust to memory alone1 remarked the ,pencil4 ,yet ,pellegrini boasted that he always trusted to memory1 said the ,pen4 ,i know he did1 replied the ,pencil1 and more than once chaffed ,h4 ,f4 for bringing me out4 ,h4 ,f41 ,i know1 has the greatest admiration for most of ,pellegrini's work1 but thinks that ',ape' certainly had the failing common to all ,italian caricaturists of being cruel rather than funny4 ,i may mention too1 here1 an incident for the truth of which ,h4 ,f4 can vouch1 and which illustrates another weakness of the inhabitants of the ,sunny ,south4 ,when the poor fellow was ill a friend of his one day set to work to put his room in order1 and in moving a screen was surprised to find behind it a number of soiled shirts4 ,he began to count them over with a view to sending them to the laundry1 when ,pellegrini starting up exclaimed1 ',you fellow6 you leave my shirts there1 or ,i am a ruined man4 ,don't you see they are my shtock in drade8' ,and sure enough upon the huge familiar linen cuffs were numerous notes in pencil--sketches1 in fact1 from life for coming caricatures4 ,now1 when ,h4 ,f4 intends to trust entirely to memory1 ,i often find that he makes a note in writing after this fashion3 ',like ,so-and-so1 with a difference1'--and the difference is noted4 ,or ',think of an animal1 a bird1 or a fish1 and to that add ,so-and-so1 and subtract ,so-and-so1' and this results in a portrait4 ,for instance1 if he saw a man like this1 ,i should not be surprised by his writing a single word as ',penguin' for his guidance1 and so on4 ,illustration3 ,,penguin4 ,the old caricaturists1 ,i suppose1 had a decided advantage over the moderns in having artistic costumes to depict8 asked the ,pen4 ,of course1 replied the ,pencil4 ,even up to the time of ,seymour the tailor made the man1 and was1 therefore1 largely responsible for the caricature4 ,you have only to see ,mr4 ,brown in the ordinary attire of to-day and also in ,court dress to appreciate this1 and sympathise with me4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,brown1 ,,ordinary ,,attire4 ,illustration3 ,,court ,,dress4 ,now here is another point1 continued the ,pen1 upon which you can throw some light1 old fellow4 ,i have often seen letters on the writing-table from people asking ,h4 ,f4 for his recipe for the making of caricatures4 ,i invariably scribble the same reply1 ',find out the chief points and exaggerate them4' ,not satisfied with this1 some have asked him to explain his modus operandi4 ,i recollect an instance1 replied the ,pencil4 ,it was in the studio here4 ,an interviewer called1 and asked ,h4 ,f4 to explain the art of caricature4 ,so he took down a volume of portraits from the book-shelves1 and opened it at this one4 ,you see it is the head of a man who should be universally respected by us of the grey goose fraternity4 ',well1 you see there is not much to caricature1' said ,h4 ,f42 'it is simply the portrait of a kindly1 intellectual-looking man1 the late ,chief ,librarian of the ,british ,museum1 ,i remember well1 continued the ,pencil1 brightening up1 ,h4 ,f4 took me in hand1 and telling me to knock over the forehead1 keep in the eyes1 pull the nose1 and wipe off the chin1 produced a caricature 'on the spot4' ,illustration ,i suppose sometimes you find caricatures ready-made1 ,mr4 ,pencil8 continued the ,pen4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,caricature4 ,illustration3 ,,not ,a ,,caricature4 ,of course we do1 replied the ,pencil4 ,nature will have her joke sometimes1 nor can we blame her1 for it is only by reason of contrast that we admire the beautiful4 ,a propos of this1 my dear ,pen1 ,i may tell you that in county ,wexford1 in ,ireland1 there is a certain very beautiful estate1 round which runs a carefully-built wall4 ,at a particular point the regularity ceases1 and the wall runs on1 constructed in every conceivable style1 and contrary to all the canons of masonry4 ,there is a legend that the owner of the estate1 tired of the monotonous appearance of the wall1 ordered that a certain space should be left in it which should be filled up with a barrier as irregular in construction as possible4 ,this was done1 and that portion of the wall is called the ',ha-ha6' because so funny does it look that everyone who passes is observed to laugh4 ,now is it not much the same in ,nature8 ,a world full of ,venuses and ,adonises would soon pall4 ,so now and then we find a human ',ha-ha6' interspersed among them4 ,in that case1 ,i say1 the caricaturist's work is already done4 ,he has simply to copy ,nature4 ,yet there are some who actually find fault with ,h4 ,f4 for doing that very thing1 saying that his pencil 7that's me7 is 'unkind1' 'cruel1' 'gross1' and so on4 ,there are many ,m4,p4's whom he habitually draws without the slightest exaggeration1 notwithstanding which1 ,mr4 ,pen1 there are members of your calling who do not scruple to inform the world that in drawing the ,parliamentary ',ha-ha6' as he is1 ,h4 ,f4 is libelling him4 ,there is one ,m4,p4 in particular---- ,no1 ,i shall not give his name or show his portrait4 ,i believe him to be very clever1 very interesting1 undeniably a great man1 and extremely vain of his personal appearance4 ,but he is built contrary to all the laws of ,nature1 and if ,h4 ,f4 draws him as he is1 he is accused of libelling him4 ,if he improves him1 no one knows him4 ,oh1 ,mr4 ,pen1 you may take it from me that the lot of the caricaturist is not a happy one4 ,for the matter of that1 put in the ,pen1 neither is the painter's4 ,you know ,gay's lines3 ,so very like1 a painter drew1 ,that every eye the picture knew1 ,he hit complexion1 feature1 air1 ,so just1 the life itself was there4 ,he gave each muscle all its strength1 ,the mouth1 the chin1 the nose's length1 ,his honest pencil touched with truth1 ,and marked the date of age and youth4 ,he lost his friends1 his practice failed1-- ,truth should not always be revealed4 ,but ,gay did not live in the days of ,sargent6 ,we are getting on nicely1 said the ,pen4 ,now answer a question which is often put to me--viz41 why caricaturists eschew paint8 ,because1 replied the ,pencil1 people often seem to forget that in the present day1 when events follow each other in quick succession1 a subject becomes stale almost before the traditional nine days' interest in it has expired--that paint is no longer the medium by which a caricaturist can possibly express his thoughts4 ,of course1 ,i am not referring to mere tinting1 such as that in which the old caricaturists had their drawings reproduced1 but to colouring in oils1 after the manner of the great satirist ,hogarth4 ,some may remember ,h4 ,f4's caricature in ,punch of the late ,serjeant-at-,arms1 ,captain ,gosset1 as a black-beetle4 ,now1 had he painted a full-length portrait of him1 and sent it elaborately framed to the ,royal ,academy1 it would not only have taken him very much longer to execute1 but the ,captain would not have looked a whit more like a black-beetle than he did in black and white in the pages of ,punch4 ,it must be remembered1 also1 that in caricature everything depends upon contrast4 ,for instance1 in a ,parliamentary sketch he can easily make ,sir ,william ,harcourt inflate himself to such an extent that he occupies a good third of the picture1 but were he to paint a portrait of him of similar proportions it would be necessary to take the roof off ,burlington ,house and bring over the ,eiffel ,tower to which to hang the enormous frame that would be requisite4 ,moreover1 there would be an additional disadvantage1 for it would be impossible to take in the whole figure at once1 and it would be necessary to mount the first platform at least to obtain a peep at even the lowest of the series of chins which distinguishes the descendant of kings4 ,however1 it is just on the cards that some day he may open a ,parliamentary ,portrait ,gallery1 and then ,i can promise that ,sir ,william will have justice done to him at last4 ,sixteen yards of ',historicus' would assuredly be enough to draw the town4 ,but1 in point of fact1 it would be just as reasonable to ask an actor why he is not an opera singer as well1 or to ask an opera singer why he does not dispense with the music and play in legitimate tragedy1 as to enquire of a modern caricaturist why he does not work in colours4 ,the ,pencil1 after the delivery of this discourse1 rolled over to the barber-knife1 who trimmed him up4 ,there are some people1 continued the ,pen1 who object to be sketched in any shape or form4 ,i recollect an editor once challenging ,h4 ,f4 to get a sketch of an interesting man who had defied photographers and artists alike1 and absolutely refused to have his portrait taken4 ,you will find a paragraph about this in press-cutting book1 marked ',pritt4' ,just read it when ,i'm being attended to4 ,mr4 ,pritt1 ,leeds1 is reckoned chief of the ,yorkshire anglers4 ',a striking peculiarity with him1' a ,yorkshire correspondent says1 'is that he never will sit for his likeness4 ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss1 however1 the well-known artist of ,punch1 during his recent visit to ,leeds1 on the occasion of the meeting of the ,british ,association1 managed to 'take' ,mr4 ,pritt2 and the portrait1 drawn in characteristic style1 appears in the ,yorkshire ,weekly under the heading ',caught at ,last'4 ,yes1 that's it4 ,h4 ,f4 was invited to dine by this curious and clever individual4 ',delighted to see you1 ,mr4 ,furniss2 but one thing ,i must ask you to understand at once--,i'm not going to be sketched4' ',i assure you1' he said1 ',i shall not sketch you unless you are well aware ,i am drawing you1 and1 in fact1 willingly give me assistance4' ',that's very good of you4 ,now ,i am happy4 ,i have made up my mind ,i shall never allow my face to be drawn or photographed1 and once ,i make up my mind nothing in the world will move me4' ',indeed6' he replied4 ',but1 pardon me1 you have not always had that antipathy4 ,i am looking at a photograph of you hanging on the wall there1 taken when you were a baby4' ',oh1 ah6 ,do you detect that8 ,no one knows it to be me4 ,of course1 ,i was not accountable for my actions at that age4' ',ah1 how you have altered6 ,dear me6 why1 your nose is not that shape now4 ,here it is ,roman2 you have a sort of----' ',have a--what1 eh8' ',have you a pencil8' 7,taking me out47 ',this will do4 ,now1 your nose is like that4' ',is it8 ,but my mouth is the same1 isn't it8' ',not quite--,i will show you4' ',of course1 my chin isn't as round8' ',oh1 no6 ,it's more like this4 ,and you have less hair--see here4' ',dear me6 ,of course1 one can see who this is4 ,this astonishes me4' ,someone else coming in at that moment1 he quickly pocketed the sketch and me1 and1 much to his host's chagrin1 it was duly published as a portrait of the gentleman from a 'special sitting'--',caught at ,last4' ,illustration3 ,,the ,,editor ,,of ,,punch ,,sits ,,for ,,his ,,portrait4 ,this reminds me1 by the way1 of a portrait which ,h4 ,f4 once drew of the author of ',happy ,thoughts' as a frontispiece to a new edition of that humorous book of books4 ,our guv'nor's first effort at this portrait was distinctly a failure1 and no wonder1 for the moment ,i was produced the editor of ,punch turned his back upon us1 and1 with the greatest vigour1 commenced writing at his table4 ,not being so intimate then with ,mr4 ,burnand as we subsequently became1 both ,i and the guv'nor thought him peculiar4 ,but after a considerable time the editorial chair was wheeled round1 and with a smile its genial occupant said calmly1 ',well1 let me see the result4' ',the result is nil at present1' replied ,h4 ,f41 'for ,i have not yet caught a glimpse of your face4' ,mr4 ,burnand looked surprised4 ',dear me6' he said2 ',i thought you were making a study of me at work1 you know4' ',all ,i could see was the back of your head in silhouette4 ,there now--sit just as you are1 please4 ,that's exactly the pose and expression which ,i want to catch4 ,thanks6' cried the guv'nor1 as he rapidly set to work1 when suddenly all cheerfulness vanished from ,mr4 ,burnand's countenance1 as with a horrified look he pointed to the table by my side1 where lay the sketching materials4 ',what's that8' he cried1 dismayed4 ',oh1 a lump of bread1 useful in touching up high lights1' said ,h4 ,f4 ',you don't say so6 ,the sight of it quite upset me4 ,i really thought you had brought your supper with you1 and intended to work from me all night4 ,i shall never recover my natural expression this evening1 so please call again4' ,and as ,h4 ,f4 closed his sketch-book1 the following brief colloquy took place3 ,the editor of ',happy ,thoughts'3 ',caught anything8' ,h4 ,f43 ',no4' ,the editor3 ',good evening6' ,and the door closed4 ,illustration ,frequently a subject has posed for ,h4 ,f4 without being aware of the fact that he was making a sketch4 ,for instance1 in his happy hunting ground--,parliament--,brown1 ,m4,p41 say1 comes up to him in the ,lobby3 ',ha6 ,i see you are up to mischief--taking someone off4' ,h4 ,f4 gives a knowing look1 and points to ,jones4 ',ha6 ha6 ,i see4 ,i'll talk to him4 ,ha6 ha6 and ,i'll look out for the caricature4 ,don't be too hard on poor ,jones6' ',thanks1 awfully1' replies ,h4 ,f4 ,he makes a rapid sketch1 nods to ,brown as much as to say1 ',that'll do1' smiles1 and walks off4 ,he has of course never troubled about ,jones at all2 it's ,brown he has been sketching all the time4 ,it is utterly absurd to imagine you can escape from the caricaturist4 ,h4 ,f4 trained himself to make sketches with his hand in his pocket1 and worked away with me and his book--or rather cards1 which he had specially for the purpose--whilst looking straight into the face of his victim4 ,he manages in this way to sketch people sitting opposite to him in the train1 and sometimes when talking to them all the time4 ,you know that without special permission from the ,lord ,high ,great ,chamberlain no stranger is allowed to pass the door of the ,english ,house of ,lords1 even when it is empty2 but when the precious ,peers are sitting1 the difficulty of making a sketch is too great for description4 ,you are not allowed to sit down1 speak1 smile1 sneeze1 or sketch4 ,h4 ,f4 once produced me in the ,house of ,lords4 ,had he drawn a sword instead of a pencil he could not have created greater consternation4 ,explanation was useless4 ,the officials knew that he was only for 'takkin' notes' for ,punch1 but the vision of a pencil produced an effect upon them the same as if they had caught sight of an infernal machine4 ,but necessity is the mother of invention4 ,it was then he hit upon the plan ,i have just told you about4 ,he draws in his pocket4 ,keeping the card against his leg1 he sketches quite easily4 ,a pocket ,hercules is an oft enough heard-of individual--so why not a pocket artist8 ,illustration3 ,,sketch ,,on ,a ,,shirt-,,cuff4 ,previous to this he used to make a rapid note on his shirt-cuff2 but that is a dangerous practice4 ,wives might resent the face if it were too pretty1 and your washerwoman might recognise a ,member of ,parliament as her intimate friend4 ,the incident which cured him of using his shirt-cuff for sketching happened at a large dinner1 where he was introduced to the wife of a well-known public man1 who soon showed she was not altogether pleased by the introduction1 and truly at the moment he had forgotten that he had made a sketch of the lady on his shirt-cuff1 which he did not take sufficient care to conceal4 ,illustration ,i recollect once on the terrace of the ,house of ,commons he was sketching a lady of foreign extraction1 the wife of a gentleman well-known to the ,irish ,party1 with a profile something like this4 ,i made the sketch1 unfortunately1 on the marble tea-table4 ,when ,h4 ,f4's friends were leaving1 he found he could not rub this off the table1 and what embarrassed him more was the fact that some ,irish ,members were bearing down to take possession of the table as soon as we left4 ,i had a rapid vision of our guv'nor floating in the ,thames1 being hurled over by the infuriated ,members from the ,emerald ,isle2 so ,i quickly transformed the lady into something resembling a popular ,member of ,parliament at the time1 and1 as we were leaving1 ,i overheard an ,irish ,member say1 ',bedad6 and ,furniss has been dhrawin' that owld beauty1 ,mundella6' ,illustration3 ,,mundella4 ,have you anything new8 asked the ,pen4 ,may ,i look8 ,i know that ,st4 ,stephen's is your happy hunting ground4 ,ah1 yes1 responded the ,pencil1 ,i know it well4 ,but ,i can tell you it is not altogether a bed of roses4 ,when we come across ,members who have taken liberties with their personal appearance during the recess1 ,h4 ,f4 and ,i resent it1 ,i can tell you4 ,naturally1 observed the ,pen in a voice of the utmost sympathy1 for it means more work4 ,of course1 continued the ,pencil4 ,now ,i have always held that model ,m4 ,p4's have no right to alter4 ,they are the property of the political caricaturist1 and what on earth is to become of him if the bearded men begin to shave and the smooth-faced to disguise themselves in 'mutton-chops' or ',dundrearys'8 ,yet they will do it4 ,we may draw them in their new guise1 but the public won't have them at any price4 ,they want their old favourites1 and if they miss a well-known ',imperial1' a moustache1 a pair of dyed whiskers1 or other such hall-mark in the picture1 or on the other hand find a set of familiar chins concealed beneath an incipient ,newgate fringe1 a nose and chin which have been accustomed to meet for many a long year suddenly divided by the intrusion of a bristly moustache1 or a delightfully asinine expression lost under the influence of a pair of bushy side-whiskers1 recognition becomes impossible and the caricature falls flat4 ,the fact is1 my friend ,pen1 it is not only their features1 but their characteristic attitudes which we make familiar1 and their political differences cause the artistic effect4 ,to me it is marvellous to note how differently artists draw the same head4 ,expression of course varies1 but the construction of the head must always remain the same4 ,yet ,i have seen no less a head than that of ,mr4 ,gladstone so altered in appearance in the work of different artists that ,i have been forcibly reminded of the old story of ,st4 ,peter's skull4 ,a tourist travelling in ,italy was shown a cranium at ,rome which he was assured was the veritable relic4 ,in ,florence he was shown another1 and somewhere else he was shown a third4 ,upon his remonstrating the guide observed1 ',it is quite right1 sir3 the skull you saw at ,rome was that of ,st4 ,peter when he was a boy2 that at ,florence was his when he was a young man1 and this was his skull when he died4' ,then again1 familiarity with the subject is only arrived at by continually watching and sketching a ,member4 ,a few years ago ,i was lying down in my berth in the sketch-book which was in ,h4 ,f4's pocket1 when ,i overheard a conversation between him and ,mr4 ,labouchere upon ,parliamentary portraits4 ,what did ,h4 ,f4 say about them8 asked the ,pen4 ,he ought to know the alphabet of ,parliamentary portraiture at all events by this time4 ,you're right1 nodded the ,pencil4 ,he's drawn a few thousand of them in his time4 ,what did ,h4 ,f4 say8 ,well1 he told ,labouchere that he always created a type for each ,member1 and to that he adheres4 ',yes1' said the ,sage1 late of ,queen ,anne's ,gate1 'and when the original turns up1 those who derive their impression of a ,member from your sketches are disappointed if the two do not exactly tally4' ,but surely our guv'nor does not sketch direct from life8 asked the ,pen1 amazed4 ,of course he does1 indignantly replied the ,pencil4 ,he whips me out of my bed at all times1 but as he pointed out to the ,member for ,northampton 7see how ,parliamentary ,i am getting71 it would never do invariably to sketch a man as you see him4 ',for instance1' went on ,h4 ,f4 addressing him1 ',i made a sketch of you1 ,mr4 ,labouchere1 in the corridor of the ,house of ,commons1 kneeling on a seat1 and had ,i never seen you before1 ,i should have no doubt used this as a characteristic instead of an accidental attitude of yours4' ,just fancy what you would have written1 my dear ,pen1 if you had seen in ,punch one of ,h4 ,f4's portraits of ,lord ,hartington with his hat upon the back of his head instead of over his eyes1 or ,mr4 ,gladstone depicted with a ,shakespeare collar1 or ,mr4 ,cyril ,flower without one1 or ,mr4 ,arnold ,morley smiling1 or ,mr4 ,balfour looking cross1 or ,mr4 ,broadhurst in evening dress1 or ,mr4 ,chamberlain without an orchid in the button-hole of his coat6 ,yet ,i venture to say the time has been when ,mr4 ,chamberlain may have had to rush down to the ,house orchidless1 and when ,mr4 ,broadhurst may have worn evening dress4 ,stranger things than that have happened1 ,i can tell you4 ,i have actually seen the irrepressible smile vanish from the face of ,mr4 ,john ,morley4 ,but never--no1 never1 will ,i believe that the ex-,chief ,liberal ,whip has ever looked jovial1 that ,mr4 ,gladstone and ,mr4 ,cyril ,flower ever exchanged collars1 or that ,lord ,hartington ever wore his hat at the back of his head4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,labouchere4 ,on the other hand1 my dear ,pen1 you know as well as ,i do that ,lord ,randolph ,churchill did not wear imitation ,g4,o4,m4 collars1 that ,mr4 ,herbert ,gladstone is no longer in his teens1 that ,mr4 ,gladstone was not always so wild-looking as ,h4 ,f4 usually represented him1 and that perhaps ,sir ,william ,harcourt is not simply an elephantine mass of egotism4 ,then why did he draw them so8 enquired the ,pen4 ,ah6 that is the secret of the caricaturist1 laughed the ,pencil4 ,there is something more in politicians1 you know1 than meets the eye1 and the caricaturist tries to record it4 ,you're so captious1 my dear ,pen4 ,it is not given to everyone to see a portrait properly1 however true it may be4 ,some folks there are who are colour-blind4 ,there are others who are portrait-blind4 ,others again are blind to the humorous4 ,an old ,m4,p4 came up to ,h4 ,f4 one day in the ,lobby of the ,house of ,commons when a new ,parliament had assembled for the first time1 and said to him1 ',well1 you have a rich harvest for your pencil 7that was me74 ,i never saw such odd specimens of humanity assembled together before4' ,illustration3 ,,the ,m4,p4 ,,real ,,and ,,ideal4 ',that may be so1' replied ,h4 ,f41 'but mark my words1 after a session or two1 my comic sketches of the ,members--for which1 by the way1 the specimens you are looking at are merely notes1 and which you are now good enough to call faithful portraits--will become so familiar to you that they will cease to amuse you4 ,and you may even come to pronounce them gross libels4 ,in other words1 you will find that their frequent repetition will rob them in your eyes of their comic character altogether1 just as in the case with the attendants at the ,zoo1 on whose faces you will fail to detect the ghost of a smile at the most outrageous pranks of the monkeys1 although you shall see everyone else in the place convulsed with laughter4' ,but surely1 ,mr4 ,pencil1 argued the ,pen1 you lose friends by caricaturing them8 ,not those who are worthy of friendship1 replied the ,pencil1 with a solemn air4 ,and those who cannot take a joke are not worthy of it4 ,h4 ,f4 is not a portrait painter4 ,it makes the lead turn in my case to witness the snobbishness which exists nowadays among certain thin-skinned artists and writers4 ,the ,society grub has eaten the heart out of all true artistic ambitions4 ,an honest satirist has no chance nowadays4 ,he must not draw what he sees1 or write what he really thinks about it4 ,pleasing wishy-washiness is idolised1 whilst ,hogarth is voted coarse4 ,great ,scott6 ,how this age of cigarettes and lemon squash would have stirred the pulse and nerved the brush of the greatest of ,english caricaturists6 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,photo4 ,,as ,,he ,,really ,,is4 ,then as the ,pencil wiped away a tear of regret for the decadence of ,english satirical art the ,pen jotted down the following lines culled from the old tomb-stone at ,chiswick3 ,if ,genius fire thee ,stranger stay1 ,if ,nature touch thee1 drop a tear4 ,if neither move thee1 turn away1 ,for ,hogarth's honoured dust lies here4 ,when he has not seen a ,member1 and has no reference to go by1 how does he manage8 ,he does not find photography of much use4 ,sometimes1 if he has to draw a man for some special reason1 and has not seen him1 a photograph is1 of course1 the only means possible2 then he generally gets a letter something like this3 ',dear ,sir1--,i enclose you a photograph of myself1 the only one ,i possess4 ,it belongs to my wife1 and she has reluctantly lent it1 and trusts you will take every care of it and return it at once4 ,it was taken on our wedding trip4 ,i may mention that ,i have less hair at the top of my head and more on my face1 and ,i may seem to some a trifle older4' ,well1 here1 you see1 ,h4 ,f4 has to use his judgment4 ,but to my surprise ,h4 ,f4 received a visit from the original of the photograph shortly after his sketch was published1 who came to inform the guv'nor that no one could possibly recognise him in the sketch2 and when ,i saw him in the flesh ,i quite believed him4 ,you can judge from the sketch how useful the photograph was4 ,the second appearance of the new and ambitious ,m4,p4 in the pages of ,punch did not satisfy the legislator either4 ,it was not his face he took exception to1 but his boots1 like ,mr4 ,goldfinch in ',a ,pair of ,spectacles4' ,he lost faith in his bootmaker1 squeezed his extremities into patent leather shoes of the most approved and uncomfortable make1 and hobbled through the ,lobbies doing penance at the shrine of caricature4 ,a caricature1 you see1 does not depend upon the face alone4 ,one of ,h4 ,f4's earliest ,parliamentary caricatures was a sketch of ,mr4 ,henry ,broadhurst1 the deservedly popular representative of the working classes4 ,he was ,member for ,stoke when the sketch was made4 ,there is no affectation about him4 ,neither the skin that covers his solid frame nor that which encases his active feet is thin4 ,his figure is one of the best known and most characteristic in ,parliament4 ,who is not familiar with the round1 determined little head1 with the short cropped hair1 the square-cut beard1 the shrewd expression1 the genial smile1 the short jacket1 the horsey trousers1 the round hat1 and the thick boots8 ,the figure often appeared in ,mr4 ,punch's ,parliamentary ,portrait ,gallery4 ,when our friend the late ,william ,woodall introduced his fellow-candidate to the electors of ,stoke a voice cried out1 ',we know 'im6 we know 'im6 ,we've seen 'is boots in ,punch6' ,no one can deny that the potters of ,staffordshire are an artistic public4 ,the late chief proprietor of the leading paper had the largest feet ever seen in the ,house of ,commons1 and a certain noble lord whose name will ever be connected with ,majuba carries off the palm for the largest in the ,upper ,house4 ,the new ,member for ---- will1 in due course1 owe his ,parliamentary fame to the extraordinary heels of his boots1 if nothing else1 just as the late ,lord ,hardwicke's reputation was due to the mysterious shine of his hat4 ,but1 judging from the illustrated papers1 ,m4,p4's all wear spats1 new trousers every day 7for they never have a crease71 the most beautifully-fitting coats1 and white hats with black bands round them4 ,why are they drawn so8 asked the ,pen4 ,excuse the familiar vulgar rejoinder--,ask me another4 ,i hear it said that you never caricature women4 ,what rot6 ,have ,i not worked in illustrating the ,members of the ,houses of ,parliament for years1 to say nothing of ,judges and--their wives8 ,i mean young women4 ,oh1 really ,i have no time to answer these questions2 here are a bundle of my unpublished caricatures2 take them and be off4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,parliamentary ,,confessions4 ,gladstone and ,disraeli--,a ,contrast--,an unauthenticated ,incident--,lord ,beaconsfield's last ,visit to the ,house of ,commons--,my ,serious ,sketch--,historical--,mr4 ,gladstone--,his ,portraits--,what he thought of the ,artists--,sir ,j4 ,e4 ,millais--,frank ,holl--,the ,despatch ,boxes--,impressions--,disraeli--,dan ,o',connell--,procedure--,american ,wit--,toys--,wine--,pressure--,sandwich ,soire--,the ,g4,o4,m4 dines with ,toby1 ,m4,p4--,walking--,quivering--,my ,desk--,an ,interview--,political ,caricaturists--,signature in ,sycamore--,scenes in the ,commons--,joseph ,gillis ,biggar--,my ,double--,scenes--,divisions--,puck--,si r ,r4 ,temple--,charles ,stewart ,parnell--,a ,study--,quick ,changes--,his ,fall--,room #ae--,the last ,time ,i saw him--,lord ,randolph ,churchill--,his ,youth--,his ,height--,his ,fickleness--,his ,hair--,his ,health--,his ,fall--,lord ,iddesleigh--,sir ,stafford and ,mr4 ,gladstone--,bradlaugh--,his ,youth--,his ,parents--,his ,tactics--,his ,fight--,his ,extinction--,john ,bright--,jacob ,bright--,sir ,isaac ,holden--,lord ,derby--,a ,political ,prophecy--,a ,lucky ,guess--,my ,confession in the ,times--,the ,joke that ,failed--,the ,seer--,fair ,play--,i deny being a ,conservative--,i am ,encouraged--,chaff--,reprimanded--,misp rinted--,misunderstood4 ,illustration ,illustration3 ,,the ,,inner ,,lobby ,,of ,,the ,,house ,,of ,,commons4 ,illustration3 #a4 ,dr4 ,tanner #b4 ,rt4 ,hon4 ,a4 ,akers-,douglas #c4 ,lord ,a4 ,hill #d4 ,g4 ,cavendish-,bentinck #e4 ,j4 ,a4 ,pinton #f4 ,sir ,w4 ,h4 ,houldaworth #g4 ,sir ,albert ,k4 ,rollit #h4 ,rt4 ,hon4 ,h4 ,chaplin #i4 ,sir ,e4 ,waskin #aj4 ,t4 ,w4 ,rusell #aa4 ,rt4 ,hon4 ,c4 ,b4 ,spencer #ab4 ,christopher ,sykes #ac4 ,lord ,halabury #ad4 ,h4 ,lubouchere #ae4 ,t4 ,sexton #af4 ,sir ,r4 ,h4 ,fowler #ag4 ,earl ,spencer #ah4 ,rt4 ,hon4 ,j4 ,chamberlain #ai4 ,admiral ,field #bj4 ,sir ,frank ,lockwood #ba4 ,rt4 ,hon ,j4 ,b4 ,balfour #bb4 ,wm4 ,woodall #bc4 ,f4 ,ashmead ,bartlett #bd4 ,baden-,powell #be4 ,sir ,t4 ,w4 ,maclure #bf4 ,marquis of ,hartington 7,duke of ,devonshire7 #bg4 ,sir ,r4 ,temple #bh4 #bi4 ,press #cj4 #ca4 #cb4 ,h4 ,w4 ,lucy 7,toby ,m4,p474 #cc4 ,rt4 ,hon4 ,john ,morley #cd4 ,lord ,randolph ,churchill #ce4 ,press 7,times7 #cf4 #cg4 ,j4 ,henniker ,heaton #ch4 ,james ,a4 ,jacoby #ci4 ,sir ,h4 ,h4 ,howorth #dj4 ,p4 ,power #da4 ,c4 ,s4 ,parnell ,some years before ,mr4 ,disraeli quitted the ,house of ,commons upon his elevation to the ,peerage1 ,i enjoyed witnessing a very remarkable encounter between him and ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,it was one of those passage of arms1 or to be more correct ,i should say1 perhaps1 of words1 which in the days of their ,parliamentary youth were so frequent between the great political rivals2 and although ,i am unable to recall the particular subject of the debate1 or the exact date of its occurrence1 ,i well remember that ,mr4 ,gladstone had launched a tremendous attack against his opponent4 ,however1 notwithstanding the fact that from the outset of his speech it was evident that ,mr4 ,gladstone meant war to the knife1 that as it proceeded he waxed more and more hostile1 and that his peroration was couched in the most vehement terms1 ,disraeli remained to the finish as if utterly unmoved1 sitting in his customary attitude as though he were asleep1 with his arms hanging listlessly at his sides4 ,once only during the progress of the attack he appeared to wake up1 when1 taking his single eye-glass1 which he usually kept in a pocket of his waistcoat1 between his finger and thumb1 he calmly surveyed the ,house as if to satisfy himself how it was composed1 just as an experienced cricketer eyes the field before batting1 in order to see how the enemy are placed4 ,then1 having taken stock of those present1 the eye-glass was replaced in his pocket1 and to all appearance he once more subsided into a tranquil slumber4 ,but this was only a feint1 for the very instant that ,mr4 ,gladstone sat down up jumped ,disraeli4 ,the contrast between his method and that of ,mr4 ,gladstone was very noticeable4 ,placing one hand artistically upon the box in front of him1 and the other under his coat tails1 he commenced to speak1 and in the calmest manner possible1 although with the most telling and polished satire1 he aimed dart after dart across the table at ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,as he proceeded to traverse the speech of his distinguished opponent with the most perfect and effective skill1 it soon became evident that in reality he had slept with one eye open4 ,with masterly tact1 he had reserved the principal point in his reply to the end1 and then1 bringing his full force to bear upon it1 the conclusion of his speech told with redoubled effect4 ,illustration3 ,,lord ,,beaconsfield4 ,a ,,sketch ,,from ,,life4 ,whilst upon the subject of ,mr4 ,gladstone and ,lord ,beaconsfield1 ,i may narrate a remarkable story1 although ,i am unable to vouch for the accuracy of it1 as ,i cannot remember who was my original informant1 nor among my friends in or out of ,parliament have ,i succeeded in discovering anyone who actually witnessed the incident to which it refers4 ,should it turn out to be an invention1 like the champagne jelly of ,lord ,beaconsfield or the eye-glass of ,mr4 ,bright1 ,i shall no doubt be corrected4 ,but if on the contrary the anecdote be authentic1 ,i may earn some thanks for resuscitating it4 ,in any case ,i can testify that at the time the story was told to me ,i had undoubtedly every reason to believe that it was true4 ,a similar scene to that which ,i have described above was taking place in the ,house between ,mr4 ,gladstone and ,mr4 ,disraeli1 when the latter in the course of his remarks had occasion to quote a passage from a recent speech made by his rival upon some platform in the country4 ,suddenly ,mr4 ,gladstone started up and exclaimed3 ,i never said that in my life6 ,disraeli was silent1 and1 putting his hands behind his back1 simply gazed apparently in blank astonishment at the box in front of him4 ,several seconds went by1 but he never moved4 ,the members in the crowded ,house looked from one to the other1 and many imagined that ,disraeli was merely waiting for his opponent to apologise4 ,but ,mr4 ,gladstone1 who had a habit1 which he developed in later years1 of chatting volubly to his neighbour during any interruption of this kind in which he was concerned1 made no sign4 ,a minute passed1 but the sphinx did not move4 ,a minute and a quarter1 but he was still motionless4 ,a minute and a half of this silence seemed as if it was an hour4 ,when the second minute was completed1 the excitement in the ,house began to grow intense4 ,disraeli seemed to be transfixed4 ,was he ill8 ,was the great man sulking8 ,what could this strange silence portend8 ,two minutes and a half6 ,some ,members rose and approached him1 but ,disraeli raised his hand as if to deprecate their interference1 and they stole back to their places conscious that they were forbidden to interrupt4 ,then1 at last1 when the second hand of the clock had passed three times round its course1 the most remarkable silence which the ,house had ever experienced within living memory was broken as the ,tory leader slowly began once more to speak4 ',mr4 ,chairman1' he said1 'and gentlemen1' and then word for word he repeated the whole speech of ,mr4 ,gladstone from which he had made his quotation1 duly introducing the particular passage which the ,liberal leader had denied4 ,then he paused and looked across at his rival4 ,the challenge was not to be avoided1 and ,mr4 ,gladstone bowed4 ,he would have raised his hat did he wear one in the ,house1 which1 in the phraseology of the ring1 was equivalent to throwing up the sponge4 ,mr4 ,disraeli afterwards informed a friend that1 working backwards1 he had recalled the whole of ,mr4 ,gladstone's speech to his mind4 ,beginning at the disputed quotation1 he recovered the context which led up to it1 and so step by step the entire oration4 ,then he was enabled to repeat it from the outset1 exactly as he had read it4 ,i saw ,lord ,beaconsfield in the ,house of ,commons on the occasion of his last visit to that chamber in which he had been the moving spirit4 ,i well recollect that morning4 ,there had been an ,irish all-night sitting3 the ,house was supposed to be listening to the droning of some ,irish ,mimber4 ,the officials were weary1 the legislative chamber was untidy and dusty1 and many of those present had not had their clothes off all night4 ,lord ,beaconsfield1 scented1 oiled1 and curled1 the daintiest of dandies1 sits in the gallery1 examining the scene through his single eye-glass4 ,leaning over him stands the ever-faithful ,monty ,corry--now ,lord ,rowton4 ,i sat within a few yards of them1 and made a sketch which happens to be the most successful study ,i ever made4 ,the ,academy wrote of it3 ,in humour ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss generally excels2 but his portrait of ,lord ,beaconsfield on his last appearance in the ,house of ,commons is something else than amusing--it is pathetic1 almost tragic1 and will be historical2 and columns of flattering notices must be my excuse for confessing in these pages that ,i myself consider it to be the best portrait of ,lord ,beaconsfield1 and in no way a caricature4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,last ,,visit ,,of ,,lord ,,beaconsfield ,,to ,,the ,,house4 ,a caricaturist is an artistic contortionist4 ,he is grotesque for effect4 ,a contortionist twists and distorts himself to cause amusement1 but he is by nature straight of limb and a student of grace before he can contort his body in burlesque of the human form divine4 ,thus also is it with the caricaturist and his pencil4 ,the good points of his subject must be plainly apparent to him before he can twist his study into the grotesque2 to him it is necessary that the sublime should be known and appreciated ere he can convert it into the ridiculous1 and without the aid of serious studies it is impossible for him fully to analyse and successfully produce the humorous and the satirical4 ,perchance he may even entertain a feeling of admiration for the subject he is holding up to ridicule1 for serious moments and serious work are no strangers to the caricaturist4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,gladstone4 ,a ,,sketch ,,from ,,life4 ,the famous collars ,i invented for grotesque effect1 but ,i always saw ,mr4 ,gladstone without them1 for to me his head has never been1 as some suppose1 a mere block around which to wreathe a fantastic and exaggerated collar4 ,i am told a ,japanese artist who wishes to study a particular flower1 for instance1 travels to the part of the country where it is to be found2 he takes no photographic camera1 no superb sketching pad or box of paints1 but he lives by the plant1 watches day by day the flower grow1 blossom1 and decay1 under every condition1 and mentally notes every detail1 so that ever afterwards he can paint that flower in every possible way with facility and knowledge4 ,i have myself treated ,mr4 ,gladstone as that ,japanese artist treats the beautiful flower4 ,i have frequently sat for many many hours watching every gesture1 every change of expression4 ,i have watched the colour leave his cheeks1 and the hair his head2 ,i have marked time contract his mouth1 and have noted the development of each additional wrinkle4 ,i have mused under the shade of his collars1 and wondered at the cut of his clothes1 sketched his three hats and his historical umbrella4 ,more than that2 during a great speech ,i have seen the flower in his button-hole fade under his flow of eloquence1 seen the bow of his tie travel round to the back of his neck4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,gladstone4 ,i have seen the flower in his buttonhole fade under his flow of eloquence4 ,engraved on wood from an original study4 ,thus ,i spoke night after night from the platform1 and the laugh always came with the collars4 ,it was not as a serious critic that ,i was posing before the audience1 so ,i could fittingly describe the collars rather than the man4 ,but when ,i had left the platform and the limelight1 and my caricatures1 ,i have had many a chat with ,mr4 ,gladstone's admirers1 with regard to the light in which ,i saw the great man without his collars1 and this fact ,i will put forward as my excuse for publishing in my ,confessions a few studies that ,i have made from time to time of the ,grand ,old ,man1 as an antidote not only to my own caricatures1 but to the mass of ,gladstone portraits published1 which1 with very few exceptions1 are idealised1 perfunctory1 stereotyped1 and worthless4 ,generations to come will not take their impressions of this great man's appearance from these unsatisfactory canvases1 or from the cuts in old-fashioned illustrated papers1 in which all public men are drawn in a purely conventional tailor's advertisement fashion1 with perfect-fitting coats1 trousers without a crease1 faces of wax1 and figures of the fashionable fop of the period4 ,the camera killed all this4 ,but the photographer1 although he cannot alter the cut of the clothes1 can alter1 and does alter1 everything else4 ,he touches up the face beyond recognition1 and the pose is the pose the sitter takes before the camera1 and probably quite different from his usual attitude4 ,so it will be the caricatures1 or1 to be correct1 the character sketches1 that will leave the best impressions of ,mr4 ,gladstone's extraordinary individuality4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,gladstone--,,conventional ,,portrait4 ,i heard ,mr4 ,gladstone express his own views on portraiture one evening at a small dinner-party4 ,my host of that evening had hit on the happy idea of having portraits of the celebrities of the age painted for him by a rising young artist4 ,it was curious to note ,mr4 ,gladstone as he examined these portraits4 ,his manner was a strange comment on the political changes which had taken place1 for as he came to the portraits of those of his old supporters who no longer fought under his colours1 he would pass them by as though he had not seen them1 or if his attention were called to any of them he would seem not to recognise the likeness1 and pass on till his eye lighted on some political ally still numbered among the faithful1 when he would at once pronounce the portrait excellent1 and dwell upon its merits with apparent delight4 ,a portrait of ,mr4 ,labouchere1 however1 he generally failed to recognise4 ,the portrait represented the ,member for ,northampton in a contemplative mood1 certainly not characteristic of his habitual demeanour in the ,house4 ,i have found1 said he1 the artist ,i have been looking for for years4 ,i have found an artist who can paint my portrait in four hours and a half2 he has painted three in thirteen hours2 that is ,millais4 ,i was much surprised by this curious criticism on portrait painting4 ,surely1 if the portrait of the great orator is to be painted in four hours and a half1 the same limitation1 if carried out1 would confine the greatest speech ever made to a period of four-and-a-half seconds6 ,someone pointedly asked ,mr4 ,gladstone whether he liked ,millais' portraits4 ,well1 he replied1 evading any brutal directness of reply1 ,i have been very much interested with his energy2 he is the hardest-working man ,i ever saw4 ,do you prefer his result to ,holl's8 ,ah1 ,holl took double the time1 and put me in such a very strained position1 nearly on tiptoe4 ,i know my heels were off the ground2 it tired me out1 and ,i was really obliged to lie down and sleep afterwards4 ,you found ,millais charming in conversation8 ,he never spoke when at work2 his interest in his work fascinated me4 ,mr4 ,watts8 ,ah1 there is a delightful conversationalist1 and a wonderful artist2 he has attempted my portrait often--three attempts of late years--but he has not satisfied himself1 and ,i am bound to say that my friends are of the same mind4 ,i well remember1 remarked ,lord ,granville1 who was one of the party1 how uneasy poor ,holl was before he painted your portrait4 ,he came to me and said1 ',i think if you would speak to ,mr4 ,gladstone on some subject that would interest him1 ,i would watch him1 and that would aid me very much4' ,in this picture of ,mr4 ,gladstone the late ,frank ,holl failed to maintain his reputation as an artist of the highest class3 that picture of the great ,liberal leader was disappointing and altogether unworthy of his name4 ,this was the more unfortunate because1 by the exercise of a little forethought1 the artist might easily have avoided that pitfall of portrait-painters1 an awkward1 constrained1 and unaccustomed attitude1 which ,mr4 ,gladstone confessed was torturing him1 and by a very simple expedient have succeeded in placing ,mr4 ,gladstone in the position which everyone who has seen him in the act of delivering a speech in the ,house of ,commons would have recognised at once as a true and characteristic pose4 ,here ,i have mentioned ,mr4 ,gladstone himself1 saying how uncomfortable he felt upon the occasion of ,mr4 ,holl's visit to his house for the purpose of obtaining a sitting2 but ,i should add that the genial artist who was to do the work informed me that he also was no less ill at ease4 ,when ,mr4 ,gladstone enquired how he should sit for the portrait1 ,mr4 ,holl1 anxious no doubt to secure a natural pose1 replied1 ,oh1 just as you like6 ,this appeared to disconcert the great statesman somewhat1 and he appeared to be ruminating as to what sedentary attitude was really his favourite one1 when ,holl came to the rescue4 ,illustration3 ,,caricature ,,of ,,the ,,holl ,,portrait4 ,i happened1 said ,mr4 ,gladstone1 to be standing at my library table with my hands upon a book1 when ,mr4 ,holl said1 ',that will do1 ,mr4 ,gladstone1 exactly1' and the result was that he painted me in that position4 ,but ,i felt uncommonly awkward and uncomfortable the whole time1 and as ,i have just said1 ,i had to lie down and sleep after each sitting4 ,now why was this8 ,it was the very attitude of all others with which we who have studied it so often when the ex-,premier has been standing at the table in the ,house are so familiar4 ,no artist who had once seen him in that position would have failed to select it as the most favourable and characteristic for the purposes of a historical portrait4 ,and yet the picture1 when it was completed1 was a failure1 and the artist himself knew that it was4 ,the explanation is1 ,i think1 very simple1 and it exemplifies once more the truth of the formula which defines genius to be an infinite capacity for taking pains4 ,frank ,holl undoubtedly had talent1 but his omission of an important detail in this picture--a detail which would have probably made all the difference between success and failure--shows once more by how narrow a line the highest art is often divided from the next best1 that art of which we have such a plethora nowadays--which just contrives to miss hitting the bullseye of perfection4 ,when ,mr4 ,holl exclaimed1 ,that will do1 ,mr4 ,gladstone1 exactly1 he was no doubt impressed with the idea that the great orator was more at ease standing at the table in the ,house of ,commons than in any other position1 and he therefore selected it for his picture4 ,but he forgot that upon the table in the ,house there stands a box on which ,mr4 ,gladstone was always in the habit1 when he was speaking1 of resting one of his hands1 and that if that box was missing he would naturally1 although perhaps unconsciously1 be sensible that something to which he was accustomed was absent1 and that he would therefore be as uncomfortable as a fish out of water4 ,this was actually the case4 ,but if some substitute for the box1 of the proper height and size1 had been forthcoming1 ,i have not the slightest doubt1 from my long and close observation of the habits and movements of ,mr4 ,gladstone in the ,house1 that he would at once have dropped easily into his customary attitude1 and that the picture in the hands of so true an artist as ,holl would then have been a conspicuous success4 ,mr4 ,gladstone was asked whether he thought the tone of the ,house had degenerated in recent times4 ,he replied that he did not think so at all1 quoting in proof that after the introduction of the first ,reform ,bill many ,members used to express their feelings in cock-crows and other offensive ways4 ,mr4 ,gladstone1 however1 at the time ,i met him1 was getting decidedly deaf1 and no doubt much that went on behind him in the ,house did not reach him4 ,asked if the count out ought to be abolished1 ,mr4 ,gladstone said it was too convenient a custom to be abolished1 but that he noticed a very important alteration of late years in the mode of conducting it4 ,years ago he recollected it was the rule that1 when a ,member moved that forty ,members were not present1 he was obliged to remain in his place while the 'count out' was in progress4 ,now1 said ,mr4 ,gladstone1 he gets up and rushes out4 ,indeed1 continued the veteran statesman1 ,i understand very little about the rules and regulations of the ,house now4 ,i am very ignorant indeed2 ,i believe ,i am the most ignorant man in the ,house1 and ,i mean to continue so2 it is not worth my while to begin now to learn fresh rules4 ,illustration3 ,,note ,,of ,,mr4 ,,gladstone ,,made ,,in ,,the ,,press ,,gallery ,,with ,,the ,,wrong ,,end ,,of ,a ,,quill ,,pen4 ,he told us of a curious incident which happened in the ,house when he was a young ,parliamentary hand4 ,members did not leave the ,house for a division1 but it was left to the discretion of the ,speaker to decide which side was in the majority4 ,he would then order them to walk to the other side of the ,house1 and anyone remaining would of course be counted with the opposite side4 ,old ,sir ,watkin ,wynn1 ,i believe1 was determined to vote against a certain ,bill4 ,he had been hunting all day1 and rode up to town in time to vote4 ,arriving in his hunting costume and muddy boots1 he took his seat tired out1 and soon went fast asleep4 ,the division came on1 and his party were ordered to go over to the other side of the ,house4 ,he slept in blissful ignorance1 waking some time afterwards to find to his horror that he had been counted with those in favour of the ,bill4 ,mr4 ,gladstone remarked that it was curious that in the old days the ,whips could tell to a vote how a division would go4 ,he recollected well1 in #ahda1 a vote of no confidence in ,lord ,melbourne was moved4 ,the point was going to be decided by one vote4 ,i shall never forget the ,grand ,old ,man's graphic description of that vote4 ,there was an old ,member who was known to be to all intents and purposes as dead as a door-nail4 ,the excitement was intense to know if that still breathing corpse could be brought to vote4 ,mr4 ,gladstone1 with other young ,tory ,members1 stood anxiously round the lobby door watching1 and just at the critical moment when the vote was to be taken the all but lifeless body was borne along ignorant of all that was going around him1 his vote was recorded1 and that one vote sealed the fate of a ,ministry4 ,in ,mr4 ,gladstone's opinion1 ,american humour invariably consisted in dealing with magnitudes4 ,he preferred to hear ,american stories on this side of the ,atlantic4 ,he never had been in ,america1 and never intended going4 ,he expressed himself as apprehensive of the effect on the nervous system of the vibration caused by the engines of a steamer travelling at a high speed1 but spoke with admiration of the rapid travelling at sea performed by the ,continental mail packets1 saying that a few days before1 returning from the ,continent1 he had only just settled down to read when he was told to disembark1 for the steamer had reached ,dover4 ,i overheard ,mr4 ,gladstone asking the question3 ,why is it that when we get a good thing we do not stick to it8 ,i fully expected him to launch into some huge political question1 such as the ,unity of the ,empire or ,universal ,franchise4 ,instead of this1 ,i was somewhat surprised to hear him proceed3 ,now1 ,i recollect an excruciatingly funny toy which you wound up1 and it danced about in a most comical way4 ,i have watched that little nigger many and many a time1 but lately ,i have been looking everywhere to get one4 ,i have asked at the shops in the ,strand and elsewhere1 and they show me other things1 but not the funny nigger ,i recollect1 so ,i have given up my search in despair4 ,i noticed that ,mr4 ,gladstone took champagne at dinner1 and after dinner a glass of port4 ,some conversation arising with reference to the history of wines1 the old politician seemed to know more on the subject than anyone else at table2 in fact1 during the whole evening1 there was not a subject touched upon on which he did not give the heads for an interesting essay4 ,the only time ,mr4 ,gladstone mentioned ,ireland was in connection with the subject of wines1 when he dilated upon the beauties of ,newfoundland port1 which was to be found in ,ireland in the good old days4 ,in one respect ,mr4 ,gladstone was not an exception among the old1 for he seemed fond of dwelling upon the great age which men have attained4 ,he seemed to think that the high pressure at which we live nowadays would show its effect on the longevity of the rising generation1 and remarked3 ,you young men will have a very bad time of it4 ,illustration ,it is curious that very few statesmen indeed have led the ,house of ,commons in their old age4 ,it may be said that ,lord ,john ,russell was the first to do so2 ,lord ,palmerston also was very old before he obtained office4 ,and so chatted the ,grand ,old ,man1 in the most fascinating and delightful manner4 ,he was always the same on such occasions1 entering into the spirit of the entertainment1 and1 as was his habit1 forgetting for the time everything else4 ,when my old friend ,william ,woodall1 ,m4,p4 for ,stoke 7,governor-,general of the ,ordnance in ,mr4 ,gladstone's ,government #ahhe71 gave at ,st4 ,anne's ,mansions his famous ,sandwich ,soires to his friends1 the spacious ballroom on the ground floor packed with his many friends--a characteristic1 polyglot gathering of ,ministers and ,parliamentarians of all kinds1 musicians1 dramatists1 authors1 artists1 actors1 and journalists1 who sang1 recited1 and gave a gratuitous entertainment 7for some of these ,i acted as his hon4 secretary1 and helped to get together a collection of modern paintings on the walls1 besides designing the invitations7--,i recollect the greatest success was the ,grand ,old ,man4 ,there was standing room only1 but a chair was provided for ,mr4 ,gladstone in the centre of the huge circle which had formed around the mesmerist ,verbeck4 ,many guests sat on the floor1 to afford those behind a better chance of seeing4 ,the ,prime ,minister1 noticing this1 absolutely declined to be an exception1 and he squatted la ,turk on the floor4 ,i confess this struck me as playing to the gallery4 ,it certainly was playing to the ,press1 for ,mr4 ,gladstone's attitude on that occasion was paragraphed all over the country1 by means of which fact ,i have here refreshed my memory4 ,in fact1 ,mr4 ,gladstone was always en vidence4 ,when the great statesman dined with ,toby1 ,m4,p41 ,i was sitting close to him4 ,he had dispensed with his own shirt-collars1 and wore quite the smallest1 slenderest1 and most inconspicuous of narrow1 turn-down collars1 assumed for that occasion only4 ,one of ,herbert's cast-offs1 someone whispered to me4 ,that's strange1 said another guest to me4 ,last night at dinner the pin in the back of ,gladstone's collar came out1 and as he got excited1 the collar rose round his head1 and we all agreed that ',furniss ought to have witnessed what he has so often drawn1 but never seen4' ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,gladstone ,,sits ,,on ,,the ,,floor4 ,mr4 ,lucy has made the statement that ,mr4 ,gladstone was a constant student of ,punch and knew no occasion upon which he was not able to join in the general merriment of the public2 but hadn't there been enough about the fabulous collars8 ,i received an editorial order to bury them1 but before long they were out again1 flapping their folds in the political breeze4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,fragment ,,of ,,punch ,,mr4 ,,gladstone ,,did ,,not ,,see4 ,well1 ,i have no doubt that ,mr4 ,gladstone for many years was a constant student of ,punch1 for during the greater portion of his political career he was idealised in the pages of ,punch1 and not caricatured4 ,i doubt very much1 however1 if he made ,punch an exception in his latter period1 for it is well known that for years he was only allowed to see flattering notices of himself1 and all references at all likely to disturb him were kept from his sight4 ,at ,mr4 ,lucy's own house1 the night ,mr4 ,gladstone dined with him1 a copy of ,punch was lying on the table1 containing a rare thing for ,punch--a supplement4 ,in this case it took the shape of my caricatures of the ,royal ,academy1 #ahhi4 ,just as dinner was announced ,mr4 ,gladstone saw the paper1 and was on the point of taking it up4 ,i handed it to him1 but at the same moment slipped the supplement out of the number and threw it under the table1 for it contained a caricature of ,professor ,herkomer's ,academy portrait of ,mrs4 ,gladstone1 objecting to being placed next to a lady by ,mr4 ,val ,prinsep sitting for the altogether4 ,during dinner ,mr4 ,gladstone mentioned this portrait of ,mrs4 ,gladstone1 and expressed great delight with ,herkomer's work3 it showed her mature age1 he said1 and as a portrait was very happy and true--he did not say anything about the hanging of it6 ,mr4 ,gladstone was the life and soul of a party1 and seemed to enjoy being the centre of attraction wherever he was4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,gladstone ,,matchbox4 ,mr4 ,gladstone's portrait has been adopted by others besides caricaturists4 ,it is carved as a gargoyle in the stone-work of a church1 and the head of the ,grand ,old ,man has been turned into a match-box4 ,the latter ,i here reproduce4 ,it was shown to me one evening when ,i was the guest at the ,guard ,mess at ,st4 ,james's ,palace4 ,a clever young ,guardsman1 who had a taste for turning1 worked this out in wood from my caricatures of ,mr4 ,gladstone1 and ,i advised his having it reproduced in pottery4 ,the suggestion was carried out by the late ,mr4 ,woodall1 the ,member for the ,potteries1 and was largely distributed at the time the ,g4,o4,m4 was politically meeting his match and thought by some to be a little light-headed4 ,in being shown round the beautiful municipal buildings in ,glasgow ,i found my caricature there accidentally figuring in the marble-work2 and the guides at ,antwerp ,cathedral 7as ,i have mentioned in the first chapter7 point out a grotesque figure in the wood carving of the choir stalls which resembles almost exactly ,mr4 ,gladstone's head as depicted by me4 ,i find a note which ,i introduce here1 as ,i hardly know where to place it in this hotch-potch of confessions4 ,is it a fact that ,mr4 ,gladstone once signed a caricature of himself8 ,in #ahif a ,mr4 ,j4 ,t4 ,cox1 of the ,norwich school of amateurs1 procured a slab of a sycamore tree felled by ,mr4 ,gladstone1 and on it reproduced in pencil my ,punch cartoon depicting a visit of the ,grand ,old ,undergrad to his ,alma ,mater1 ,oxford4 ,this was sent to ,hawarden1 and returned signed with the following note3 ,,hawarden ,,castle4 ,mr4 ,gladstone is obliged to refuse his signature1 but ,mrs4 ,drew asked him for it for herself on enclosed--it was so cleverly arranged4 ,may #eth1 #ahif4 ,here is to me1 ,i confess1 a first-he-would-and-then-he-wouldn't1 ,cox and ,box mystery ,i fail to explain4 ,i drew the ,g4,o4,m41 ,mr4 ,cox drew me1 he drew ,mrs4 ,drew1 and ,mrs4 ,drew drew ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,mr4 ,gladstone refused his signature1 and yet he signed it4 ,i think he signed his cut of sycamore1 and not my cut at him4 ,both as a special artist for the ,illustrated ,london ,news in my pre-,punch days1 and later for various periodicals1 ,i saw and sketched ,mr4 ,gladstone on many important occasions1 but towards the end of his career it was sad to see the great man4 ,the ,daily ,news once gave me a chance in the following account of ,mr4 ,gladstone during one of these scenes2 when ,mr4 ,gladstone1 having accidentally mentioned the approach of his eightieth birthday1 the vast audience suddenly leapt to its feet and burst into ringing cheers4 ,mr4 ,gladstone was evidently deeply touched by this spontaneous outburst of almost personal affection4 ,he stood with hands folded1 head bent down1 and legs quivering4 ,the fun of this joke1 however1 lies in the fact that the legs which quivered were the telegraph operators'4 ,the reporter wrote lips4 ,so great was the public admiration for the illustrious leader of the ,liberal ,party that merely to see him was1 to the majority of his audience1 enough4 ,in later years he could not be heard at public meetings4 ,penetrating as his voice was1 it was absolutely impossible for any but those standing immediately around the platform to hear him upon such occasions as that of the famous ,blackheath meeting1 or those at ,birmingham or elsewhere2 but the masses nevertheless came in their thousands1 and were more than repaid for their trouble by catching only a distant glimpse of ,william ,ewart ,gladstone4 ,whatever one may think of ,mr4 ,gladstone as a politician 7and some say that he was no statesman1 and others that he was never sincere1 while many maintain that he was merely a dangerous old woman71 all must agree that as a man he was a figure that ,england might well be proud of4 ,it will be interesting to see what historians will make of him4 ,when the glamour of his personality is forgotten1 what will be remembered8 ,his figure1 his face--and shall ,i say his collars8 ,illustration ,in my time ,mr4 ,parnell was the most interesting figure in ,parliament1 and1 after ,mr4 ,gladstone1 had the greatest influence in the ,house4 ,mr4 ,gladstone was1 politically speaking1 ,parliament itself 7at one time he was the ,country72 but ,i doubt if even ,mr4 ,gladstone ever hypnotised the ,house by his personality as ,parnell did4 ,there was a mystery in everything connected with the great ,irish leader2 no mystery hung about ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,mr4 ,gladstone in the ,house was voluble1 eloquent1 communicative4 ,mr4 ,parnell was silent1 a poor speaker1 and as uncommunicative as the ,sphinx4 ,mr4 ,gladstone's power lay in his unreservedness2 ,mr4 ,parnell's lay in his absolute reserve4 ,his orders were ,no one to speak to the man at the wheel1 and the man at the wheel spoke to no one4 ,he guided the ,irish ship just as he liked over the troubled waters of a political crisis1 and not one of his men knew what move would be his next4 ,by this means1 so foreign to the ,irish character1 he held that excitable1 rebellious1 irrepressible crew in thrall4 ,he made them dance1 sleep1 roar2 he made them obstructionists1 orators1 buffoons1 at his will4 ,he made them everything but friends4 ,a characteristic story was circulated when ,parnell was known as the uncrowned king4 ,accompanied by his faithful private secretary1 he was walking from the ,house1 when he met one of his colleagues4 ,the satellite saluted his chief and smiled affably at the private secretary4 ,mr4 ,parnell took no notice whatever of ,mr4 ----1 but after a few seconds had elapsed1 turned to his companion and said1 ,who was that1 ,campbell8 ,why1 ---- 7mentioning the name of the hon4 ,member71 was the reply4 ,what a horrible-looking scoundrel6 exclaimed the uncrowned king in his most supercilious manner1 and then began to talk of something else4 ,he was a study as fascinating to the artist as to the politician1 and no portrait ever drawn by pen or pencil can hand down to future generations the mysterious subtlety in the personality of the all-powerful leader4 ,illustration3 ,,parnell4 ,he was as puzzling to the ,parliamentary artist as he was to the politician3 he never appeared just as one expected him4 ,when ,i first made a sketch of him he had short hair1 a well-trimmed moustache1 shortly-cut side whiskers1 a neat-fitting coat and trousers1 and well-shaped boots4 ,he then let his beard and hair grow1 and his coat and trousers seemed to grow also--the coat in length and the trousers in width2 and his boots grew with the rest--they were ugly and enormous4 ,his hat didn't grow1 but it was out of date4 ,then he would cut his beard and hair again1 wear a short coat1 a sort of pilot jacket1 and eventually a long black coat4 ,so that if a drawing was not published at once it would have been out of date4 ,some artists have been flattering enough to take my sketches as references for ,parliamentarians1 but others depended on photographs1 and for years ,i have seen ,mr4 ,parnell represented with the neatly-trimmed moustache and closely-cut side whiskers4 ,a propos of this1 ,i may mention here how mistakes often become perpetuated4 ,john ,bright1 for instance1 was generally represented in political sketches with an eye-glass4 ,this was a slip made by an artist in ,punch many years ago4 ,but ever after ,john ,bright was represented with an eye-glass--which he never wore1 except on one occasion just to see how he liked it4 ,the effect upon the ,house when ,mr4 ,parnell rose was always dramatic4 ,he sat there during a debate1 seldom1 if ever1 taking a note1 with his hat well over his eyes and his arms crossed1 in strong contrast to the restlessness of those around him4 ,when he rose1 it seemed an effort to lift his voice1 and he spoke in a hesitating1 ineffective manner4 ,neither was there much in what he said1 but he was ,parnell1 and the fact that he said little and said it quietly1 that what he said was not prepared in consultation with his ,whips or with his ,party1 that in fact he was playing a game in which his closest friends were not consulted1 made his rising interesting from the reporters' gallery to the doorkeepers in the ,lobby the other side4 ,mr4 ,parnell seemed to have been very little affected by his continued reverses2 and perhaps the only visible effect of his loss of power was that the uncrowned king of ,ireland changed his top-hat to a plebeian bowler1 but he did not change his coat4 ,he was always careless about his dress1 and his tall1 handsome figure looked somewhat ridiculous when he wore a bowler1 black frock coat1 and his hair as usual unkempt4 ,the fall of ,parnell was one of the most sensational and certainly the most dramatic incident in the history of ,parliament4 ,mr4 ,parnell was politically ruined and the ,irish ,party smashed beyond recovery in the famous ,committee ,room ,no4 #ae1 after the disclosures in the ,divorce ,court in which ,mr4 ,parnell figured as co-respondent4 ,mr4 ,parnell had found the ,irish ,party without a leader1 without a programme1 without a future4 ,he had by his individual force made it a power which had to be reckoned with1 and which practically controlled ,parliament4 ,he had been attacked by the most important paper in the world4 ,he had come out of the affair1 in the eyes of many1 a hero2 he made his ,party stronger than their wildest dreams ever anticipated4 ,but his followers little thought that in hiding from them his tactics he had also hidden the weakness which caused his ultimate downfall4 ,howbeit the ,irish ,party1 whom he held in a hypnotic trance1 agreed to stand by him still4 ,then1 suddenly1 ,mr4 ,gladstone made his demand for a sacrifice to ,mrs4 ,grundy4 ,his famous letter1 written ,november #bdth1 #ahid1 to ,mr4 ,morley1 was the death-warrant to ,parnellism1 and1 as it subsequently proved1 to ,gladstonianism as well4 ,there was a strange fascination in watching the mysterious ,leader of the ,irish ,party during the crisis1 and ,i took full advantage of my privilege in the ,house to do so4 ,i was in and about the ,house early and late1 and probably saw more of ,mr4 ,parnell than anyone else not connected with him4 ,it was just before his exposure that ,i happened to be in an out-of-the-way passage leading from the ,house1 making a little note in my sketch-book on a corner of the building1 when ,mr4 ,parnell walked out4 ,he stood close by1 not observing me1 and was occupied for a minute in taking letters out of the pocket on the right side of his overcoat3 they were unopened4 ,he looked at them singly2 now and then he would tap one on the other1 as much as to say1 ,i wonder what is in that8 ,then he passed it over with the others and put them all into the pocket on the left side of his overcoat1 and strolled off to catch his train to ,brighton4 ,that incident1 as ,i subsequently found out1 was the cause of much of his trouble2 for ,i was informed1 when ,i mentioned it to a great friend of ,mr4 ,parnell's and of mine--,mr4 ,richard ,power--that about that time he had written him important letters which might have saved him if they had been attended to in time4 ,but those who saw the fallen chief during the sittings in ,committee ,room ,no4 #ae1 when1 through the letter of ,mr4 ,gladstone to which ,i have referred1 he was denounced1 and had to fight with his back to the wall1 can never forget his tragic figure during that exciting time4 ,no one knew better than he that the tactics of his lieutenant would be cunning and perhaps treacherous2 so this lazy1 self-composed man suddenly awoke as a general who finds himself surprised in the camp1 and determines to keep watch himself4 ,every day he took by right the chair at the meetings4 ,had he not been present1 who knows that it would not have been wrested from him8 ,in the early afternoon ,i saw him more than once walk with a firm step1 with an ashy pale face1 his eyes fixed straight in front of him1 through the yard1 through the ,lobby1 up the stairs1 and into ,room #ae1 accompanied by his secretary1 ,mr4 ,campbell4 ,the members of his ,party1 on their arrival1 found him sitting where they had left him the night before4 ,i recollect one morning1 as he passed where ,i was standing1 he never moved his head1 but ,i heard him say to ,mr4 ,campbell1 ,who's that8 what does he want8 in a sharp1 nervous manner4 ,he never seemed to recognise anyone1 or wish them to recognise him4 ,his one idea was to face the man who wished to fight him in the little ring they had selected in the ,committee ,room ,no4 #ae4 ,illustration3 ,,to ,,room #ae4 ,no outsider but myself heard any portion of that debate1 for at the beginning of it the reporters1 who were standing round the doors outside to hear what they could1 were ordered away2 and ,i was left there1 not being a reporter1 to finish a rather tedious sketch of the corridor4 ,a policeman was placed at either end of this very long passage1 and if anyone had to pass that way he was not allowed to pause for a moment at the door of the room upon which the interest of the political world was centred at the moment4 ,nearly all the time ,i was there ,i only saw the policeman at either end1 and one solitary figure seated on the bench outside the door4 ,it was the figure of a woman with a kind1 homely-looking face1 resting with her head upon her hand4 ,she seemed not to be aware of1 or at least not interested in what was going on inside2 she simply sighed as ,big ,ben tolled on toward the hour for the dismissal of the ,leader of the ,irish ,party4 ,she was the wife of a blind ,member of ,parliament who was taking part in the proceedings1 and her thoughts were evidently more intent upon seeing that her husband was not worn out by that strange1 long struggle than in the political significance of the meeting4 ,illustration3 ,,outside ,,room #ae4 ,it was my good fortune to hear what was perhaps the most interesting of the speeches--,john ,redmond's defence of his chief--and ,i never wish to listen to a finer oration4 ,everyone admits that the ,irish are1 by nature1 good speakers1 but they are not always sincere4 ,here was a combat in which there was no quarter1 no gallery1 and no reporters4 ,the men spoke from their hearts1 and if any orator could have moved an assembly by his power and genius1 ,mr4 ,redmond ought to have had a unanimous vote recorded in favour of his chief4 ,i am not a phonograph1 nor was ,i a journalist privileged to record what passed1 and have no intention of breaking their trust4 ,i shall never forget the scene one ,wednesday afternoon when ,mr4 ,maurice ,healy1 brother of ,tim1 and one of the ,members for ,cork1 challenged ,mr4 ,parnell to retire and so enable their respective claims to the confidence of the people of ,cork to be tested4 ,he tried to drag ,mr4 ,parnell into a newspaper controversy upon this point1 but failing to do so repeated in tragic tones his somewhat ,hibernian sentiment that ,mr4 ,parnell did not represent the constituency which elected him4 ,mr4 ,maurice ,healy1 a somewhat sickly-looking young man1 with a family resemblance to his brother1 is much taller than his more famous relative1 but lacks the stamina and vivacity of the ,member for ,longford4 ,at this moment1 when the ,irish ,party might have been likened to machinery deprived of its principal wheel1 it was curious to notice how energetic ,mr4 ,parnell became4 ,he tried to cover his position by being unusually active in ,parliament2 he followed the ,chief ,secretary for ,ireland in the debates upon the ,land ,purchase ,bill1 to the obvious discomfort of ,mr4 ,morley1 and rather delighted the young ,conservatives by twitting the faction which had thrown him over4 ,his speeches1 however1 were laboured1 and1 as one of the ,irish ,members remarked to me in the ,lobby1 it had a curious effect on them to see ,mr4 ,parnell sit down after making an important speech without hearing a single cheer4 ,and whereas for years he had addressed the ,house with the greatest calmness1 his chief characteristic being his reserve force1 he now changed all this1 and one ,friday night caused quite a sensation in the ,house in his attack upon ,mr4 ,gladstone1 not so much by what he said as by the manner in which he said it4 ,his excitement was visible to all1 and he was observed to be positively convulsed with anger4 ,he also remained1 contrary to his previous custom1 late in the ,house4 ,the last occasion on which ,i saw ,charles ,stewart ,parnell was a few months before his death4 ,i was in ,dublin during the ,horse ,show week1 giving my ,humours of ,parliament to crowded houses in the ,ancient ,concert ,rooms1 and my ancient hotel rooms were at ,morrison's ,hotel--,parnell's ,hotel1 for the uncrowned king 7at that time deposed7 always stopped there--in fact it was said he had an interest in the property4 ,it was late on ,sunday afternoon4 ,i was writing in my sitting-room on the first floor1 next to ,parnell's room1 when the strains of national music of approaching bands smote my ear1 and soon the hotel was surrounded by a cheering1 shouting crowd4 ,banners were flying1 bands were playing1 thousands of voices were shouting4 ,standing in a brake haranguing the surging mass of people was the familiar figure of ,charles ,stewart ,parnell4 ,with difficulty he descended from the brake1 and had literally to fight his way into the hotel1 while his worshippers clung on to him into the building1 till they were seized and ejected by the servants4 ,i went out of my door to see the scene1 and in the passage outside1 between ,parnell's sitting-room and mine1 he sat apparently exhausted4 ,his flesh seemed transparent--,i could fancy ,i saw the pattern of the wall-paper through his pallid cheeks4 ,the next moment1 before ,i was aware1 another figure sat on the same seat1 arms were thrown round my neck4 ,it was my old ,irish nurse1 who had come up from ,wexford to see me1 and had been lying in wait for me4 ,illustration3 ,,outside ,,my ,,room4 ,the first picture ,i drew for ,punch's essence of ,parliament was a portrait of ,lord ,randolph ,churchill1 ,caught on the ,hip1 to illustrate the following truly prophetic words of ,toby1 ,m4,p43 ,the new delight you have given us is the spectacle of an undisciplined ,tory--a man who will not march at the word of command and snaps his fingers at his captain4 ,you won't last long1 ,randolph2 you are rather funny than witty--more impudent than important4 ,that was written at the opening of ,parliament1 #ahia4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,g4,o4,m4 ,,and ,,randy4 ,i must plead guilty to being the cause of giving an erroneous impression of ,lord ,randolph's height4 ,he was not a small man1 but he looked small2 and when he first came into notoriety1 with a small following1 was considered of small importance and1 by some1 small-minded4 ,it was to show this political insignificance in humorous contrast to his bombastic audacity that ,i represented him as a midget2 but the idea was also suggested from time to time by his opponents in debate4 ,did not ,mr4 ,gladstone once call him a gnat8 and do we not find the following lines under ,punch's ,fancy ,portraits1 ,no4 #dg1 drawn by ,mr4 ,sambourne8 ,there is a ,midge at ,westminster1 ,a ,gnatty little ,thing1 ,it bites at ,night ,this mighty ,mite1 ,but no one feels its sting4 ,two gentlemen of ,yorkshire had a dispute about his correct height1 and one of them1 anxious to have an authoritative pronouncement1 wrote to the noble ,lord1 and received the following reply3 #b1 ,,connaught ,,place1 ,w4 ,dear ,sir1--,lord ,randolph ,churchill desires me to say1 in reply to your letter of the #bast inst41 that his height is just under #e;ft4 #aj;in4 ,i am1 yours faithfully1 ,,cecil ,,drummond-,,wolff1 ,secretary4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,louis ,,jennings4 ,lord ,randolph ,churchill was a mere creature of impulse1 the spoilt pet of ,parliament--what you will--but no one can deny that he was the most interesting figure in the ,house since ,disraeli4 ,he had none of ,disraeli's chief attraction--namely1 mystery4 ,nor had he ,disraeli's power of organisation1 for1 although ,lord ,randolph educated a party of three--the first step to his eventually becoming ,leader of the ,house--it cannot be said that at any time afterwards he really had1 in the strict sense of the word1 a party at all4 ,he was a political ,don ,quixote1 and he had his ,sancho ,panza in the person of ,mr4 ,louis ,jennings4 ,perhaps nothing can show the impulsive nature of ,lord ,randolph more than the incident which was the cause of ,mr4 ,jennings breaking with ,lord ,randolph4 ,mr4 ,louis ,jennings was1 in many ways1 his chief's superior3 a brilliant journalist1 originally on the ,times1 afterwards editor of the ,new ,york ,world1 when1 by dint of his energy and pluck1 he was the chief cause of breaking up the notorious ,tammany ,ring2 a charming writer of picturesque country scenes--in fact1 an accomplished man1 and one harshly treated by that fickle dame ,fortune by being branded1 rightly or wrongly1 as the mere creature of a political adventurer4 ,one afternoon ,i was standing in the ,inner ,lobby when ,mr4 ,jennings asked me to go into the ,house to a seat under the ,gallery to hear him deliver a speech he had been requested to make by the ,government ,party1 and one he thought something of4 ,at that moment ,lord ,randolph came up and said1 ,i am going in to hear you1 ,jennings2 ,i have arranged not to speak till after dinner4 ,and we all three entered the ,house4 ,lord ,randolph1 who had then left the ,ministry1 sat on the bench in the second row below the gangway1 on the ,government side of the ,house4 ,mr4 ,jennings was seated on the bench behind1 close to where he had found a place for me under the ,gallery4 ,he carefully arranged the notes for his speech1 and directly the ,member who had been addressing the ,house sat down1 ,mr4 ,jennings jumped to his feet to catch the ,speaker's eye4 ,but ,lord ,randolph1 who had been very restless all through the speech just delivered1 sprang to his feet4 ,jennings leant over to him and said something1 but ,churchill waved him impatiently away1 and the ,speaker called upon ,lord ,randolph4 ,jennings sank back with a look of disgust and chagrin1 which changed to astonishment when ,lord ,randolph fired out that famous ,pigott speech1 in which he attacked his late colleagues with a vituperation and vulgarity he had never before betrayed4 ,his speech electrified the ,house and disgusted his friends--none more so than his faithful ,jennings1 who left the ,chamber directly after his friend's tirade of abuse1 returning later in the evening to make a capital speech1 full of feeling and power1 in which he finally threw over ,lord ,randolph4 ,in the meantime1 meeting me1 he did not hide the fact that the incident had determined him to have nothing more to say to ,churchill4 ,and this was the man ,i once drew a cartoon of in ,punch on all fours1 with a coat covering his head 7suspiciously like a donkey's head71 with ,little ,randy riding on his back6 ,illustration3 ,,lord ,,randolph ,,and ,,louis ,,jennings4 ,if ,samson's strength vanished with his hair1 ,lord ,randolph's strength vanished with the growing of his beard4 ,the real reason why ,lord ,randolph so strangely transformed himself is not generally known1 but it was for the simplest of all reasons--like that of the gentleman who committed suicide because he was tired of buttoning and unbuttoning1 ,lord ,randolph was tired of shaving or being shaved2 hence the heroic beard1 which has offended certain political purists who think that a man with an established reputation has no right to alter his established appearance4 ,still1 if he had not vanished to grow his beard1 ,i doubt if he would have survived the winter2 and probably he discovered that it was good for any man to escape now and then from what the late ,mr4 ,r4 ,l4 ,stevenson called the servile life of cities4 ,perhaps no one received such a sending off1 or was more fted1 than ,lord ,randolph ,churchill4 ,happening to be a guest at more than one of those festive little gatherings1 ,i heard ,lord ,randolph say that all the literary food that he was taking out with him to ,mashonaland consisted of the works of two authors--one ,english1 and the other ,french4 ,we were asked who they were4 ,in ,darkest ,england1 suggested one4 ,ruff's ,guide to the ,turf1 said another4 ,both were wrong4 ,and it ultimately transpired that1 together with his friends' best wishes for his safe return1 ,lord ,randolph was carrying with him complete sets of the works of ,shakespeare and ,molire4 ,the deafness which attacked ,lord ,randolph led to his making mistakes1 and to others making a scene1 particularly when the noise in the ,house was so great through the excitement on the ,home ,rule question4 ,i find a note made then upon this point1 alluding to a little incident propos of ,lord ,randolph ,churchill's deafness3 ,it is really dangerous1 considering the high state of feeling in the ,house1 that ,members antagonistic to each other should have to sit side by side4 ,during the stormy scene to which ,i have just alluded1 ,i was sitting in one of the front boxes directly over the ,speaker's chair1 and1 although remarks kept flying about from the benches below1 it was difficult to catch the words1 and still more difficult to stop the utterer2 so ,i don't wonder that ,lord ,randolph ,churchill--who is rather deaf--should have misconstrued the words1 ',you are not dumb6' as ',you are knocked up6' ,later on1 however1 an ,irish ,member knocked down another one who was opposed to him in politics2 and this the ,press called 'coming into collision4' ,illustration3 ,,lord ,,randolph ,,churchill4 ,there is little doubt that ill-health was the cause of that querulousness which led to ,lord ,randolph's curious and fatal move4 ,i recollect being introduced to an ,american doctor in the ,lobby one afternoon when ,lord ,randolph was at the zenith of his height and fame4 ,lord ,randolph passed close to us1 and stood for a few minutes talking to the ,member who had introduced the doctor to me4 ,i whispered to the ,american to take stock of the ,member his friend was talking to4 ,he did1 and when ,lord ,randolph walked away he said1 ,well1 ,i don't know who that man is1 but he won't live five years4 ,it was unfortunate for the reputation of ,lord ,randolph that the doctor's words did not come true4 ,many efforts were made by the friends of ,lord ,randolph to bring ,lord ,salisbury and his lieutenant together again4 ,a deputation of a few intimate friends1 ladies as well as gentlemen1 called on ,lord ,salisbury1 presumably on quite a different matter1 but led up to ,lord ,randolph4 ,lord ,salisbury1 seeing through their object1 asked the question1 ,have any of you ever had a carbuncle on the back of your neck8 ,no4 ,then ,i have1 and ,i do not want another4 ,but perhaps ,lord ,salisbury saw more than anyone else that ,lord ,randolph was not the man he once was4 ,it was painful in his latter days to see the ,members run out of the ,house when he rose to speak1 and to recollect that but a few years before they poured in to listen to the plucky little ,randy2 and the sympathy of everyone for him was shown in a very marked way by the kindness of the ,press when one of the most extraordinary figures in the ,parliamentary world had passed away4 ,illustration3 ,,behind ,,the ,,speaker',s ,,chair4 ,lord ,randolph ,churchill recalls another familiar figure ,i caricatured--,lord ,iddesleigh1 a statesman who will always be remembered with respect4 ,no statue has ever been erected in the buildings of the ,house of ,commons to any ,member who better deserves it1 and1 strange to say1 the white marble took the character and style of the man1 chilliness1 pure1 and firm4 ,a country gentleman in politics and out of it1 free from flashy party-colour rhetoric4 99 99 99 99 99 ,illustration ,sir ,stafford ,northcote1 as he was known in the ,house of ,commons1 the gentlest of statesmen1 had by no means a peaceful career in politics4 ,he was at one time ,mr4 ,gladstone's secretary1 and those who knew him declare that he never lost his respect and admiration for his former master1 although time took him from ,mr4 ,gladstone's flock to the fold of ,lord ,beaconsfield4 ,i recollect on one occasion1 when ,i was seated in a ,press box directly over the ,speaker's chair1 seeing ,mr4 ,gladstone write a memorandum on a piece of paper and throw it across the table to ,sir ,stafford1 who was at that time ,leader of the ,house of ,commons2 after reading it1 ,sir ,stafford nodded to ,mr4 ,gladstone1 and they both rose together and went behind the ,speaker's chair4 ,one could easily detect in the manner of the two old friends an existence of personal regard1 and their estrangement on political circumstances must have been a matter of mutual regret4 ,sir ,stafford and ,mr4 ,gladstone towards the end1 however1 did not show that friendliness that had gone on for so many years4 ,this may have been brought about by many causes1 not the least of which was the fact that ,mr4 ,gladstone refused to lead the ,house during the ,bradlaugh scene1 and left it to ,sir ,stafford1 then ,leader of the ,opposition4 ,for instance1 after the division in which ,mr4 ,bradlaugh was refused the ,house by a vote of #chc to #bcc1 the ,speaker appealed to the ,house to know what to do4 ,mr4 ,bradlaugh stood at the table and refused to leave it4 ,mr4 ,gladstone lay back on the seat of the ,government bench motionless1 so ,sir ,stafford took up the leadership of the ,house1 and asked the ,prime ,minister1 whom he facetiously called the ,leader of the ,house1 whether he intended to propose any counsel1 any course for the purpose of maintaining the authority of the ,house and of the ,chair4 ,and so it was on many occasions4 ,when ,mr4 ,bradlaugh did rush up to the table of the ,house1 escorted by ,mr4 ,labouchere and ,mr4 ,bass1 and went through the amusing part of taking the oath1 he brought the book which he kissed and the papers which he signed1 and then rushed back into his seat4 ,the ,house witnessed the scene indescribable by either pen or pencil4 ,but here again ,mr4 ,gladstone refused to lead the ,house4 ,there had been a division1 and ,mr4 ,bradlaugh had once more been refused admission2 so ,sir ,stafford ,northcote came forward1 as he always did on these occasions1 in the mildest possible way and the most gentlemanly manner1 which rather added to the effect of his taking the reins left dangling uselessly by the ,leader of the ,house4 ,he said3 ,mr4 ,speaker1 ,i need hardly say that if the ,leader of the ,house desires to rise1 ,i will give him the opportunity2 but assuming that he does not1 ,i intend to do so1 and as ,i see no indication of his consent to do so1 ,i shall call the attention of the ,house to the position in which we stand1 and so on4 ,sir ,stafford ,northcote was not a man to stand the rough treatment which ,members have had in the ,house during the last fifteen years4 ,had he been a ,member twenty years before that1 or even a little more1 he would have been more in tone with the best club in ,london4 ,he was perplexed by ,mr4 ,gladstone1 he was bullied by ,lord ,randolph ,churchill1 and he was generally looked upon as an old woman1 and eventually he was simply sent up to the other ,house4 ,it was not until his sad and tragic death occurred that everyone realised that they had lost one of the most able statesmen and one of the finest gentlemen that ever sat in the ,house of ,commons4 ,illustration3 ,h ,had ,mr4 ,bradlaugh taken the oath with the rest of the ,members when first introduced to the ,house1 or had he1 after refusing to take it1 behaved with less violence1 ,i doubt if he would have made any name in ,parliament4 ,the ,house was determined to fight ,bradlaugh1 and it is not to be wondered at1 for he paraded his atheism1 and his views on other matters1 in the most repulsive manner possible4 ,but ,bradlaugh did not run the risk of fighting down mere prejudice4 ,had he taken the oath1 he would only have won the ear of the ,house by proving himself a great politician4 ,this he was not1 though he was a hard-working one1 and a model ,member from a constituency's point of view4 ,but the only big question he mastered was his own right to take his seat4 ,once he got it1 he became a respectable and respected ,member of ,parliament1 and nothing more4 ,so1 with the wisdom of the serpent1 he did not enter the ,house quietly to fight a wearisome and impossible battle against the inveterate prejudices of the ,members4 ,no1 ,bradlaugh defied the ,house of ,commons2 he horrified it1 he insulted it1 he lectured it1 he laughed at it1 he tricked it1 he shamed it1 he humiliated it1 he conquered it4 ,he brought to their knees the men who howled at him--as no other man has ever been howled at before--by sheer force of character4 ,illustration3 ,,bradlaugh ,,triumphant4 ,from ,punch4 ,bradlaugh's bitter struggle would fill a volume4 ,select ,committees were appointed1 and they declared against him4 ,ignoring them1 ,bradlaugh marched up to the table and demanded to be sworn4 ,the ,fourth ,party would not let him touch the ,testament4 ,three days followed of angry debate on ,bradlaughism1 with more scenes4 ,a new ,committee reversed the decision of its predecessor1 and said that ,bradlaugh might affirm4 ,two days were consumed in discussing this1 and the present ,lord ,chancellor1 then ,sir ,hardinge ,giffard1 swayed the ,house against the report of the ,committee4 ,nothing daunted1 ,mr4 ,bradlaugh the very next day was back at the table of the ,house1 clamouring to be allowed to address the ,house on his case4 ,a scene of wild confusion resulted1 ,mr4 ,bradlaugh endeavouring to speak1 the ,house howling to prevent him4 ,eventually he was ordered below the ,bar--that is1 nominally outside the ,house1 although within the four walls4 ,after much acrimonious chatter from all sides1 he was allowed to make his speech4 ,his hour had come4 ,he stood like a prisoner pleading before a single judge and a jury of #fgj of his fellow-men4 ,his speech was more worthy of the ,surrey ,theatre than of the ,best ,club4 ,it was bombastic and theatrical4 ,he was ordered to withdraw1 while the jury considered their verdict4 ,when he was recalled1 it was to hear sentence of expulsion passed on him4 ,but he would not depart1 and another tremendous uproar took place4 ,mr4 ,bradlaugh's well-trained platform voice rose above all others in loud assertion of his rights1 and he continued to call for them all through the ,house1 the ,lobbies1 the corridors1 up the winding stair into the ,clock ,tower1 where he was immured by the ,sergeant-at-,arms4 ,the following day he was released after another angry debate1 and he quickly returned to the forbidden precincts4 ,then he was induced to quit1 but on the next day he came down to the ,house with his family1 and with a triumphant procession entered the ,house amid the cheers of the crowd4 ,so the drama went on day after day1 like a ,chinese play4 ,the characters in it were acted by the leading players on both sides of the ,house1 and the excitement never flagged for a moment until ,mr4 ,bradlaugh was allowed to affirm4 ,he was told that he would vote at his own risk4 ,he voted repeatedly1 and by so doing incurred a fine1 at the hands of ,mr4 ,justice ,mathew1 of the little round sum of #ajj1jjj 7he never had #ajj1jjj farthings71 nor could he even open his mouth in the ,house without savage interruption4 ,finally1 ,mr4 ,labouchere1 his colleague1 moved for a new writ for the borough of ,northampton4 ,bradlaugh re-won the seat by the small majority of #acb votes1 and the ,bradlaugh incubus lay once more on ,parliament4 ,then followed the same old cycle of events1 the same scene at the table1 the same angry religious warfare in debate 7,mr4 ,bright's great oratorical effort will be remembered71 the same speech from ,mr4 ,bradlaugh at the ,bar1 the same division1 the same result4 ,scene followed scene1 and scandal scandal for weeks1 months1 years4 ,illustration3 ,,charles ,,bradlaugh4 ,to appreciate ,mr4 ,john ,bright fully1 one must have heard him4 ,really to comprehend his power and greatness1 one must have heard him at his best4 ,yet the greatness of his oratory lay not so much in what he said as in the beautiful way he said it4 ,previous to my having the opportunity of listening to the debates1 ,mr4 ,bright had reached that stage a singer reaches who has to all intents retired from the stage1 and merely makes an appearance for someone's benefit now and then4 ,in the first two or three years which ,i recall in these pages ,mr4 ,bright was making his last appearance in grand political opera4 ,he was in the ,government1 but although he assured the ,house that he was not going to turn his back upon himself--an assertion of his powers as a contortionist ,i endeavoured to depict in ,punch the following week--,mr4 ,bright had practically turned his back upon making great oratorical displays4 ,the ,bradlaugh scandal was in #ahha the subject of the hour1 and it was whilst appearing for ,mr4 ,bradlaugh's benefit1 on the occasion of one of the numerous matines arranged by the elected for ,northampton1 that ,mr4 ,bright used the words4 ,but on no occasion in my memory did he rise in a full-dress debate to make one of those grand efforts with which his name will ever be remembered as the great orator4 ,statesmanship was not so much to him as speechifying4 ,he was not a diplomatist such as ,beaconsfield1 a tactician like ,mr4 ,gladstone1 a fearless1 dashing debater like ,lord ,derby the elder1 ,the ,rupert of ,debate2 nor had he the weight of ,lord ,salisbury1 nor the stheticism of ,mr4 ,balfour4 ,but as a mere voice in the political opera he had a charm above them all4 ,in appearance he was commonplace compared with these others ,i have mentioned4 ,often the most indifferent-looking horse in the stable or in the paddock is the best in action4 ,you would not give #dj for some standing at ease2 but in action1 moving to perfection1 with fire and speed and staying power1 the price is more like #bj1jjj4 ,mr4 ,bright never got into his stride at any time or in any event while he came under my observation4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,meet ,,at ,,st4 ,,stephen',s4 ,these equine remarks about a great politician bring to mind a protest ,i received about a drawing of mine1 which appeared a year or two ago1 representing ,mr4 ,gladstone as a ,grand ,old ,horse1 hearing the horn at the meet1 cantering towards his companions in so many runs in which he had taken the lead1 and for which his day had gone4 ,the protest came from a ,quaker1 horrified at my depicting ,mr4 ,gladstone as a gee-gee6 as if he had not been so depicted often enough before4 ,jacob ,bright was the very antithesis to his brother1 both in appearance and manner--tall1 of a nervous1 wiry frame1 rigid face1 severe expression4 ,he1 like others without a spark of humour1 was often the means of unconscious merriment4 ,for instance1 when ,lord ,randolph ,churchill was ,member for ,woodstock1 ,mr4 ,jacob ,bright referred to him as the noble lord the ,member for ,woodcock4 ,sir ,john ,tenniel in the cartoon in ,punch1 and myself in the minor pictures of ,parliament in that journal1 made full use of the woodcock1 and1 therefore1 revelling in heraldry1 quickly added the woodcock to the ,churchill arms4 ,half the bores in ,london clubs are ,indian officials returned to us with their digestion and their temper destroyed1 to spend the rest of their days in fighting their poor livers and their unhappy friends4 ,the etiquette of ,clubland prevents one from protesting4 ,but in the ,best ,club they are not spared4 ,they are either howled at1 or left to speak to empty benches4 ,perhaps ,sir ,george ,campbell1 who had been ,governor of ,bombay1 was the most eccentric bore we have ever had in the ,house of ,commons4 ,sir ,george has acknowledged that he could not resist the temptation to speak4 ,on one occasion he made no less than fifty-five speeches on the ,standing ,committee of one ,bill4 ,at breakfast in the morning he read in the ,times his heated1 unconsidered interruptions in the ,house the night before1 and he read of the contempt with which they were received--the ,loud laughter1 cries of ,order6 ,divide6 divide6 divide6 and the snubs administered to him by the wearied and disgusted ,members4 ,he read after lunch at his club the jeering remarks of the evening ,press4 ,he was well aware he was a nuisance to the ,house1 and he resolved as he walked down ,whitehall not to open his mouth4 ,but as soon as he crossed ,palace ,yard and entered the corridors of the ,house he sniffed the odour of authority and the fever of debate4 ,he1 the ,great ,sir ,george of ,india1--silent8 ,never6 ,whether there was a question about the bathing-machines on the beach at ,hastings1 or the spread of scarlet fever at ,battersea1 or about an old pump at ,littleshrimpton1 he cared not3 he must act his part--that of the ,pantaloon in ,parliament4 ,illustration3 ,,sir ,,george ,,campbell4 ,in appearance he was a striking1 handsome man1 with a strong individuality4 ,a good head1 piercing eye1 well-shaped nose1 and tall1 active frame no doubt added to his authority in ,india4 ,he struck me as a man who had been taken to pieces on his way home to this country1 and put together again badly1 for his joints were all wrong4 ,certainly his head was1 and he was over wound up4 ,his tongue never ceased1 and the worst of it was he had a rasping1 penetrating voice1 with the strongest ,scotch accent4 ,one afternoon in the ,house this accent led to one of those frequent outbursts of merriment and protest combined--so common when ,sir ,george bored the ,house1 as he was always doing4 ,sometimes he made over thirty speeches in one evening4 ,a question was asked about the obstructive methods of the irrepressible ,sir ,george1 who on this particular afternoon was supported in his boredom by two other bores1 the ,member for ,sunderland and ,mr4 ,conybeare4 ,these three had the ,house to themselves1 and peppered the ,government benches with question after question1 speech after speech4 ,sir ,george alluded to themselves as a band of devoted guerillas4 ,the weary ,house1 not paying particular attention to every accent1 failed to catch most of what ,sir ,george said1 as his rasping ,scotch accent left them no escape4 ,but the last word was misunderstood1 and an outburst of laughter1 long1 loud1 and hearty1 followed1 and1 in a ,parliamentary sense1 killed ,sir ,george for the day4 ,the ,house understood him to say a band of us devoted gorillas4 ,perhaps the neatest rebuke ,sir ,george ever had in the ,house--or1 as a matter of fact1 any ,member ever had--was administered by that most polished wit1 ,mr4 ,plunket 7now ,lord ,rathmore74 ,sir ,george solemnly rose and asked ,mr4 ,plunket1 who happened at the time to be ,minister of ,public ,works1 whether he 7,mr4 ,plunket7 was responsible for the fearful creatures whose effigies adorn the staircase of ,westminster ,hall4 ,mr4 ,plunket rose and quietly replied1 in his effective1 hesitating manner1 ,i am not responsible for the fearful creatures either in ,westminster ,hall or in this ,house1 a retort which brought down the ,house and caused it to laugh loud and long4 ,this ,i chronicled in a drawing for ,punch the following week4 ,the subject of gargoyles recalls another witticism1 which1 however1 has the light touch that failed4 ,now there is nothing so disappointing to a humorist as to lead up to an interruption1 and then find he is not interrupted4 ,mr4 ,chamberlain seldom fails to bring off his little unsuspected repartee1 and it is his mastery of this art that make his speeches sparkle with diamond brilliancy1 but then these are usually serious1 and he can afford a few miss-fires4 ,mr4 ,goschen1 in the ,commons1 romped through his plants for his opponents2 his interruptions were three or four deep1 but he was ready for all of them4 ,he may be likened to a professional chess player1 playing a dozen opponents at once1 and remembering all the moves on the separate boards4 ,but for a humorist to miss fire--after an elaborate joke is prepared--is a catastrophe4 ,colonel ,sanderson rose on a very important and ticklish occasion to draw ,mr4 ,labouchere4 ,the ,member for ,northampton had been electrifying the ,house by his free handling of a matter affecting the morality of private individuals1 a course of action for which1 later on1 he was suspended4 ,colonel ,sanderson1 alluding to ,mr4 ,labouchere1 called him a political gargoyle4 ,mr4 ,labouchere did not1 as was expected1 rise in a furious state and demand an explanation4 ,the ,colonel paused and repeated1 ,i say the hon4 gentleman1 the ,member for ,northampton1 is a political gargoyle4 ,no notice was taken by the gentleman compared to the architectural adornment of past days2 it was evident that1 like the gargoyle in ancient architecture1 the remark of the humorous ,colonel was some elaboration too lofty to be noticed4 ,a few days afterwards ,mr4 ,labouchere met the ,colonel1 and asked him what he meant by calling him a political gargoyle4 ,well1 said the ,colonel1 rather late to ask me2 you will find the definition in the dictionary4 ,it is a grotesque gutter-spout4 ,said ,mr4 ,labouchere1 ,you're a very clever fellow1 ,colonel2 that would have been a capital point--if you had made it4 ,illustration3 ,,heraldic ,,design ,,illustrating ,,mr4 ,,plunket',s 7,,now ,,lord ,,rathmore7 ,,joke4 ,from ,punch4 ,mr4 ,farmer ,atkinson1 who succeeded ,sir ,william ,ingram of the ,illustrated ,london ,news and the ,sketch as ,member for ,boston1 ,lincolnshire1 was an invaluable subject for me during his brief hour upon the ,parliamentary stage4 ,our introduction was peculiar4 ,it so happened that when ,mr4 7now ,sir7 ,christopher ,furness was first returned for ,hartlepool1 ,mr4 ,atkinson1 although of opposite politics1 was most anxious to welcome him to ,parliament as a companion ,dissenter4 ,after diligent inquiries for ,mr4 ,furness1 ,i was by mistake pointed out to him4 ,i suddenly found both my hands clasped and warmly shaken by the mistaken ,m4,p4 ,delighted to meet you1 ,mr4 ,furness6 ,allow me to congratulate you4 ,we are both ,dissenters1 you know1--what a pity we are on different sides of the ,house6 ,yes1 ,i replied1 a thousand pities1--you see1 you are inside and ,i am outside4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,farmer ,,atkinson4 ,my introduction to ,mr4 ,christopher ,furness a day or two afterwards was in a way similar1 but rather more embarrassing4 ,perhaps there are not two men with surnames so similar and yet so different in every other way than that great man of business1 ,sir ,christopher ,furness1 and myself4 ,he has an eye for business1 but not one for his surname--,i have an ,i in my name1 and two for art only4 ,when ,mr4 ,furness was first returned to ,parliament1 plain ,mr41 neither a knight nor a millionaire1 then he asked to see me alone in one of the ,lobbies of the ,house of ,commons4 ,he held a note in his hand1 strangely and nervously1--so ,i knew at once it was not a bank-note4 ,i--ah--am very sorry1--you are a stranger to me1 ,i--a--stranger to the ,house4 ,this note from a stranger was handed to me by a strange official4 ,i read it before ,i noticed the mistake4 ,it is addressed to you4 ,oh1 that is of no consequence1 ,i assure you1 ,i said4 ,oh1 but it is--it must be of consequence4 ,it is--of--such a private nature1 and so brief4 ,i feel extremely awkward in having to acknowledge ,i read it1--a pure accident1 ,i assure you6 ,he handed me the note and was running away1 when ,i called him back4 ,it read3-- ,meet me under the clock at #h4 ,,lucy4 ,i must introduce you to ,lucy4 ,no1 no6 not for worlds1 ,but ,i did4 ,here he is4 ,illustration ,there were more scenes in ,parliament in the few sessions that ,i have selected to write about in this volume than there were in the rest of the last century put together4 ,this was largely due to the climax of ,irish affairs in the ,house4 ,for effect in debate the ,english and ,scotch ,members1--not to speak of the ,welsh ,representatives1--are failures compared with those ,members from across the water4 ,no matter how hard the phlegmatic ,englishman1 the querulous ,scotchman1 or the whinings of those from gallant little ,wales may try for effect1 they have to give way to the ,irish in the art of making a scene in the ,house4 ,occasionally1 as when ,dr4 ,kenealy shook some pepper over the ,house1 and in the case of ,mr4 ,plimsoll--or some other honourable gentleman--who went so far as to hang his umbrella on the ,mace1 an ,english ,member causes a sensation which might almost excite a pang of envy in the breast of ,dr4 ,tanner or ,mr4 ,healy4 ,no ,englishman1 however1 has exceeded ,mr4 ,bradlaugh in the persistent quality of sensationalism in ,parliament1 which now is sadly in want of another political phenomenon to enliven its proceedings4 ,one of the best studies in those days of good subjects for the ,parliamentary caricaturist was the figure of that squat and leering ,quilp1 ,joseph ,gillis ,biggar1 ,member for ,county ,cavan4 ,mr4 ,lucy 7,toby1 ,m4,p471 who acted as ,biggar's ,boswell1 records the interesting fact that when ,mr4 ,biggar rose for the first time in the ,house 7#ahgd7 to put a supplementary question to a ,minister1 ,mr4 ,disraeli1 startled by the apparition1 turned to ,lord ,barrington as if he had seen seated in the ,irish quarter an ourang-outang or some other strange creature1--,what's that8 ,illustration3 ,,joseph ,,gillis ,,biggar4 ,from that moment ,mr4 ,biggar was a continual source of amusement--and copy4 ,i venture to say that ,toby1 ,m4,p41 has written a good-sized volume about ,mr4 ,biggar's waistcoat alone4 ,what he saw in the waistcoat to chronicle ,i confess ,i have failed to see4 ,a fearsome garment1 ,mr4 ,lucy called it1 which1 at a distance1 might be taken for sealskin1 but was understood to be of native manufacture4 ,mr4 ,biggar--waistcoat and all--was certainly seen and heard to advantage at a distance4 ,he was no doubt useful to his ,party1 acting1 as ,i believe he did1 as a kind of good-natured nurse to them1 looking after their comfort and seeing they kept in bounds4 ,mr4 ,biggar was always repulsive in both appearance and manner4 ,his unfortunate deformity1 his gargoyle-like face1 his long1 bony hands1 large feet1 the black tail coat and baggy black trousers1 the grin and the grating voice1 and the fact that pork was his study before ,parliament1 made ,joseph ,gillis ,biggar's appearance as ugly as his name4 ,his chief claim to a niche in ,parliamentary history is the fact that he originated ,obstruction1 and showed the manner in which it should be applied by making a speech occupying four hours of valuable time4 ,he also showed the length to which gross impertinence can be carried to bring the ,house into contempt4 ,he spied ,his ,royal ,highness1 our present ,king1 one day in the gallery1 and by the law of ,parliament a ,member by suddenly observing that he spies a stranger may have the ,house cleared of all but its ,members1 including ,royalty--worse than that he on one occasion alluded to ,mr4 ,gladstone as a vain old gentleman4 ,the nearest approach ,i ever had to enter into practical politics was a request ,i received in ,march1 #ahib1 to become the successor of ,lord 7then ,sir ,charles7 ,russell1 as chairman of a local ,radical association4 ,in reply ,i confessed my political creed1 and ,i see no reason to alter it4 ,,my ,,political ,,confession4 ,i have just received your flattering communication asking me to become the chairman of ,no4 #b ,ward of the ,east ,marylebone ,liberal and ,radical ,association4 ,it is the first time my name has ever been associated with ,party politics1 and ,i am puzzled to know myself whether ,i am a ,radical1 a ,tory1 a ,liberal1 or a ,liberal ,unionist6 ,i read the ,times every morning1 and the ,star and the ,pall ,mall ,gazette every evening4 ,i read the sporting papers for their politics1 and the political papers for their literary and artistic notes4 ,i work sixteen hours a day myself1 and would agree to any law prohibiting others in my profession from working more than three hours4 ,i am strongly opposed to ,home ,rule1 as the disappearance of the ,irish ,members 7who are invaluable to me in my profession7 from ,st4 ,stephen's would be a serious loss to me4 ,i agree to paying ,members of ,parliament1 but would propose that they should be fined for non-attendance1 and for the privilege of speaking too long1 too often1 or not often enough4 ,these fines1 in the majority of cases1 would come to three times the amount of the ,member's income4 ,i am not in favour of capital punishment1 and would do away with all judges and trials by jury1 leaving the ,press to fight out the criminal cases between themselves4 ,i believe in free education1 free libraries1 and a free breakfast table1 and would propose that free book-stalls and free restaurants should be compulsory on all railways4 ,i am strongly opposed to vivisection1 and hold that the life of a rabbit is quite as valuable as that of a professor4 ,at the same time ,i would not countenance any law making it a punishable offence to boil a lobster alive4 ,i am a believer in hypnotism1 thought-reading1 and theosophy 7,i have been a bit of an amateur conjurer myself74 ,right of public meeting8 ,certainly4 ,this should be a free country--everyone do as he likes4 ,football in ,hyde ,park1 and fairs in ,trafalgar ,square4 ,equal freedom for all processions--if ,booth can stop the traffic1 why not ,sanger's menagerie8 ,as to local option1 by all means let all public-houses be closed4 7,i never enter one47 ,and all clubs1 too1 so long as my own are not interfered with4 ,i am not at present a member of any political club1 but if you wish me to become one ,i will put up at the ,reform1 either as a fervent ,gladstonian or a red-hot ,unionist2 ,i don't mind which1 as neither have the slightest chance of getting in now4 ,if1 after considering these qualifications1 you are of opinion that ,i would be the right man in the right place1 ,i shall be most happy and willing to become your chairman4--,yours1 etc4 ,illustration ,i regret to have to confess that ,i once posed as a political prophet4 ,i was encouraged to prophesy the fact that six months before the election of ,july1 #ahib1 when ,mr4 ,gladstone was confident of sweeping the country and coming back with a majority of #agj or so1 when both sides predicted a decisive result1 and political prophets were cocksure of large figures1 ,i luckily happened to be more successful in my vaticinations than they1 giving the ,gladstonians a majority of something between forty and forty-five4 ,the actual majority turned out1 six months afterwards1 to be forty-two4 ,this encouraged me to write the following letter to the ,times1 and it appeared ,july #aith3 ,a ,parliamentary ,prophecy4 ,sir1--,i am surprised that no ,parliamentary chronicler has written to the papers to thank the electors of the ,united ,kingdom for the happy result of the ,general ,election4 ,the jaded journalist is the only person to whom the result is pleasing1 as he will have no lack of material for descriptive matter in the coming ,parliament4 ,the ,gladstonians are not pleased1 because they have barely got a working majority4 ,the ,conservatives are not pleased1 because they have not got one at all4 ,the ,liberal ,unionists are not pleased1 because they go with the ,conservatives4 ,the ,irish ,nationalists are chagrined1 because of the success of five ,unionists in ,ireland4 ,the ,parnellites feel mischievous but unhappy4 ,the ,labour representatives mischievous and happy--they are the heroes of the hour--and1 although the members of the ,labour ,party have hitherto been nonentities in the ,house1 they will probably be 'named' several times in the future4 ,but ,parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric1 and such ,members will1 in time1 find respectability and aspirants1#b and grow dull4 #b ,see page #bab4 ,a harassed leader1 an ambitious ,opposition1 the balance of power resting in the hands of the ,irish1 divided amongst themselves1 a new and probably noisy party1 boredom increased1 faddism intensified--such are the ingredients of the new ,house2 and with little spice thrown in in the shape of a revived morality scandal1 the new ,parliament promises to be a hotch-potch of surprises4 ,i myself take no side in politics1 and am glad to say that ,i have numerous friends in all parties4 ,perhaps it was in consequence of this that ,i heard all sides of opinion1 thereby enabling me six months ago to weigh all my information correctly and predict the result of the ,general ,election--a ,gladstonian majority of between forty and forty-five votes--and to this opinion ,i have firmly adhered in spite of the fluctuating prospects before the fight4 ,even on ,wednesday1 the #fth inst41 when the returns pouring in seemed to point to a ,government majority1 ,i stuck to my prophecy4 ,i am now receiving from my friends 7more especially from my ,liberal friends7 congratulations upon my perspicacity1 and1 although ,i am no ,schnadhorst1 ,i must now regard myself in the light of a ,parliamentary prophet4 ,having in that capacity chanted my incantations and calculated the number of square feet of ,irish linen in one of ,mr4 ,gladstone's collars to be in inverse ratio to the dimensions of his ,mid-,lothian majority1 and having by abstruse computations discovered the hitherto unknown quantity of ,sir ,william ,harcourt's chins1 ,i can safely predict that there will be another ,general ,election within the space of thirteen months1 and that the result of the same will be the return of the ,unionists with a majority of fifteen4 ,yours truly1 ,,harry ,,furniss4 ,garrick ,club1 ,london1 ,july #ai4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,house ,,of ,,commons ,,from ,,toby',s ,,private ,,box4 ,the regret ,i felt was not caused by any failure of my prediction contained in the last paragraph in that letter1 but that the whole of it was taken seriously4 ,editorial leaders appeared in the principal papers all over the kingdom4 ,letters followed1 discussions took place1 and politicians referred to it in their speeches4 ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss has taken the public into his confidence1 as one who is thoroughly acquainted with ,party politics1 though he takes no personal interest in them4 ,men who can thus truthfully describe themselves are excessively rare1 as far as we know4 ,it is usually the person who does not understand politics who takes no interest in them4 ,a man who understands politics1 but does not concern himself to take sides1 is in the position of the looker-on who sees most of the game1 was truthfully written of me propos of this letter--but why propos of this letter8 ,why not of my serious work instead8 ,no1 my airy persiflage was only a cloak4 ,i was seriously and instantaneously accepted as a serious political prophet1 and otherwise criticised3 ,to the ,editor of the ',times4' ,sir1 ,in a letter signed by ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss1 which appeared in the ,times of the #bast inst41 the writer concluded by predicting that there would be another general election within thirteen months1 and that the result would be a ,unionist majority of fifteen4 ,mr4 ,furniss is evidently fond of odd numbers1 but may ,i point out to him1 and to many other political prophets who have fallen into the same trap1 that the fulfilment of his prediction is an impossibility8 ,in a ,house of #fgj ,members1 or any other even number1 if divided into two parties1 the majority 7in the sense he uses the word--viz41 the difference7 must always be an even number4 ,it is true that the division lists sometimes show a majority which is an odd number1 but in such a case an odd number of ,members must have been absent from the division4 ,mr4 ,furniss must prophesy either fourteen or sixteen4 ,the ,english language is so defective that the word 'majority' is used to mean 'the greater number1' and also 'the difference between the greater number and the less4' ,cannot a new word be invented to replace 'majority' in one or other of these meanings1 and so avoid the use of the same word for two distinct ideas8 ,your obedient servant1 ,,george ,r4 ,,gallaher1 ,fellow of the ,institute of ,bankers4 #dd1 ,fenchurch ,street1 ,london1 ,e4,c4 ,i suppose ,f4,i4,b4 stands for ,fellow of the ,institute of ,bankers4 ,anyway1 before ,i had time to reply to the courteous captious critic the ,times published the following3 ,political ,prophecy4 ,sir1--,in endeavouring to correct ,mr4 ,furniss your correspondent ,mr4 ,gallaher has forgotten that1 although the ,house of ,commons consists of an even number of ,members1 one of those ,members will be elected ,speaker2 and that consequently1 if all the ,members were on any occasion to attend1 the majority would be an odd1 and not an even number4 ,there is therefore no necessity for ,mr4 ,furniss to alter his prophecy at present4 ,your obedient servant1 ,,fair ,,play4 ,other correspondents1 less technical but strongly political1 accused me of being an inspired ,conservative spy4 ,others that ,i was an oracle worth rigging4 ,and the ,irish and ,radical ,press questioning my impartiality1 ,i published this letter3 ,to the ,editor of the ',manchester ,city ,news4' ,sir1--,my attention has been called to a paragraph in your issue of ,july #bcrd1 stating that ,i am a ,conservative1 an assertion which has highly amused those who know me well1 for ,i am one of the strongest of ,radicals in some things and the hottest of ,tories in others4 ,i earnestly advocate the claims of the working man1 and sometimes ,i feel myself a ,whig of the old school4 ,whether ,i am a ,tory1 a ,liberal or a ,radical1 troubles me very little1 but as you seem to take a kind interest in my political opinions ,i should have preferred you to have styled me an ,independent1 which ,i understand means nothing4 ,,harry ,,furniss4 ,garrick ,club1 ,london4 ,but neither ,independent nor humorous would the partisan ,press allow me to be4 ,certainly ,i was applauded by some for having held steadfastly to my prophecy1 despite temptations which would have made ,cassandra succumb4 ,i was flattered by being held up as an exception among the prophets4 ,from ,mr4 ,gladstone to ,mr4 ,t4 ,p4 ,o',connor politicians had prophesied and were hopelessly wide of the mark4 ,mr4 ,chamberlain1 speaking at ,birmingham that week1 said1 ,the gravity of the weighty man of the ,house of ,commons1 gentlemen1 is a thing to which there is no parallel in the world1 and oh6 so serious6 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,government--,,bench ,,before ,,home ,,rule4 ,a rough ,sketch made in the ,house4 ,mr4 ,w4 ,e4 ,foster4 ,mr4 ,gladstone4 ,mr4 ,john ,bright4 ,lord ,e4 ,fitzmaurice4 ,lord ,hartington4 ,prophets--at any rate political prophets--are chiefly distinguished from other people by being always dull and nearly always wrong4 ,to-day1 however1 appears a brilliant exception to the almost universal rule1 wrote one paper1 and yet continued1 ,mr4 ,furniss is simply within his own ground as one of the shrewdest and best trained of living observers1 when he describes the newly-elected ,house of ,commons as thoroughly discontented with itself4 ,but we wish that ,mr4 ,furniss had carried his prediction into the regions of counsel1 and had been able to read in ',mr4 ,gladstone's collars1' or in the 'unknown quantity of ,sir ,william ,harcourt's chins1' and whatever else serves him for his ,stars1 what is to be the outcome of a situation in which no party is able to obtain a working majority4 ,if ,mr4 ,furniss is right1 the question of 'how is the ,queen's ,government to be carried on8' will assume a practical importance which it never had before2 and unless he himself1 as a thoroughly non-party man1 can be induced to undertake the formation of an administration of similarly fortunate persons1 one does not see what is to be done4 ,party government is based upon big majorities--it is within measurable distance of breaking down altogether unless the country will make up its mind to stand no more nonsense1 and to prefer what is really a party to a conglomerate of fads and factions4 ,i was beginning to feel like a man who had started a story and forgotten the point of it4 ,the only comic relief was the following note from the ,editor of ,punch3 #bast ,july1 #ahib4 ,vates et ,vox ,stellarum4 ,dear ,h4 ,f41--',respectability and aspirants4' ,didn't you squirm at the misprint8 ,is that setter-up-of-type still alive8 ,je m'en doute4 ,the reference to ,harcourt's chins will get you liked very much4 ,you dated it from the ,garrick1 but you didn't put the time of night when you wrote it4 ',p4,s4'--,post ,supperal1 eh8 ,farewell1 ,o ,prophet6--but 'why didn't you say so before8' ,allah il ,allah ,ari ,furniss is ,his ,prophet6 ,yours ever1 ,f4 ,c4 ,b4 ,advt4--',,lika ,,joko'6 ,parliamentary ,prophet66 ,prophecies sent out on shortest notice4 ,terms1 ----4 ,reduction on taking a quantity4 ,yes6 ,i did squirm at the misprint1 which1 however1 was rectified in the next issue3 ,a ,parliamentary ,prophecy4--,in ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss's letter under this title in the ,times of yesterday the word 'aspirates' should be read instead of 'aspirants' in the following passage3 ',the ,labour representatives feel mischievous and happy--they are the heroes of the hour--and1 although the members of the ,labour ,party have hitherto been nonentities in the ,house1 they will probably be 'named' several times in the future4 ,but ,parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric1 and such members will1 in time1 find respectability and aspirants1 and grow dull4 ,i wish ,i had followed the example of ,mr4 ,john ,morley1 who announced a couple of months before the election that he had written down his ,general ,election tip and placed it in a sealed envelope2 but so far as ,i have heard1 he never risked his reputation for prophecy--he refrained from publishing the secret4 ,that grave and weighty right hon4 gentleman scored as the humorist1 and ,i failed as a prophet in my second attempt4 ,illustration3 ,,reduction ,,of ,,one ,,of ,,my ,,parliamentary ,,pages ,,in ,,punch4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,punch ,two ,punch ,editors--,punch's ,hump--,my ,first ,punch ,dinner--,charles ,keene--,robert--,w4 ,h4 ,bradbury--du ,maurier--,kiki--,a ,trip to the ,place of his ,birth--,he ,hates ,me--,a ,practical ,joke--du ,maurier's ,strange ,model--,no ,sportsman--,tea--,appollinaris--,my ,first ,contribution--,my ,record--,parliament--,press ,gallery ,official--,i ,feel ,small--,the ,black ,beetle--,professor ,rogers--,sergeant-at-,arms' ,room--,styles of ,work--,privileges--,dr4 ,percy--,i ,sit in the ,table--,the ,villain of ,art--,the ,new ,cabinet--,criticism--,punch's ,historical ,cartoons--,darwen ,mac,neill--,scenes in the ,lobby--,a ,technical ,assault--,john ,burns's ,invention--,john ,burns's ,promise--,john ,burns's ,insult--,the ,lay of ,swift ,mac,neill--,the ,truth--,sir ,frank ,lockwood--,grand ,cross--,lockwood's ,little ,sketch--,lockwood's ,little ,joke in the ,house--,lockwood's ,little ,joke at ,dinner--,lewis ,carroll and ,punch--,gladstone's ,head--,sir ,william's ,portrait--,ciphers--,reversion--,punch at ,play--,three ,punch ,men in a ,boat--,squaring up--,two ,pins ,club--,its ,one ,joke--,its ,one ,horse--,its ,mystery--,artistic ,duties--,lord ,russell--,furious ,riding--,before the ,beak--,burnand and ,i in the ,saddle--,caricaturing ,pictures for ,punch--,art under ,glass--,arthur ,cecil--,my ,other ,eye--,the ,ridicule that ,kills--,red ,tape--,punch in ,prison--,i make a ,mess of it--,waterproof--,i used your ,soap two years ago--,charles ,keene--,charles ,barber--,punch's ,advice--,punch's ,wives4 ,illustration3 ,t ,the first representative of ,mr4 ,punch with whom ,i came into contact was the late ,tom ,taylor1 at that period the tenant of the editorial chair4 ,to this meeting ,i have referred on a previous page1 when ,i mentioned that ,mr4 ,taylor had just returned from the wilds of ,connemara and strongly advised me to make some explorations in that little-known district for the purpose of making sketches of the genus homo indigenous to the soil1 which ,i did a week or so prior to my setting foot in the busy haunt of men on murky ,thames4 ,tom ,taylor was1 ,i believe1 one of the best of men1 and the possessor of one of the kindest hearts2 but although he certainly professed to take an interest in me 7probably owing to the fact that it was to a relative of mine that he was indebted for his first introduction to literature71 the fact remains that whenever ,i sent him a sketch ,i used to receive one of his extraordinary hieroglyphical missives supposed to be a note courteously declining my efforts1 notwithstanding that ,i was often flattered although not enriched by subsequently seeing the subjects of them appear redrawn under another name in the pages of ,punch4 ,it was not until ,tom ,taylor had passed away that ,mr4 ,punch would deign to give me a chance4 ,i had then been seven years in ,london hard at work for the leading magazines and illustrated papers1 and ,i may truly say that my work was the only introduction ,i ever had to ,mr4 ,burnand4 ,illustration3 ,age #bf1 ,,when ,i ,,first ,,worked ,,for ,,punch4 ,from a ,photo by ,c4 ,watkins4 ,when ,i first entered the goal of my boyish ambition--that is to say1 the editorial sanctum of ,mr4 ,punch--,i had never met the gentleman who for a number of years afterwards was destined to be my chief1 and ,i fully expected to see the editor turn round and receive me with that look of irrepressible humour and in that habitually jocose style which ,i had so often heard described4 ,i looked in vain for the geniality in the editor's glance1 and there was a remarkably complete absence of the jocose in the sharp1 irritable words which he addressed to me4 ,really1 said he1 this is too bad6 ,i wrote to you to meet me at the ,surrey ,theatre last night1 and you never turned up4 ,we go to press to-day1 and the sketches are not even made4 ,i don't quite understand you1 ,i replied1 for ,i never heard from you in my life1 and ,i don't think that you ever saw me before4 ,but surely you are ,mr4 ----8 7a contributor who had been drawing for ,punch for some weeks74 ,are you not8 ,no1 ,i said4 ,my name is ,furniss1 and ,i understood that you wanted to see me4 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,first ,,meeting ,,with ,,the ,,editor ,,of ,,punch4 ,this was in #ahhj1 and from that period up to the time of my resignation from the staff of ,punch ,i certainly do not think that ,i have ever seen ,burnand's face assume such a threatening and offended expression as it wore that day4 ,i was then twenty-six4 ,strange to say1 ,charles ,keene and ,george du ,maurier were exactly the same age when they first made their dbut in ,punch1 but not yet invited to join the table4 ,as ,i was leaving my house one summer evening a few years afterwards1 the youngest member of my family1 who was being personally conducted up to bed by his nurse1 enquired where ,i was going4 ,to dine with ,mr4 ,punch1 ,i replied4 ,oh1 haven't you eaten all his hump yet1 papa8 ,it does last a long time6 ,and the little chap continued his journey to the arms of ,morpheus1 evidently quite concerned about his father's long-drawn-out act of cannibalism4 ,the first feast to which ,i was bidden was not one of the ordinary or office description1 but a banquet given at the ,albion ,tavern1 in the ,city1 on the #crd of ,january1 #ahha1 to celebrate the installation of ,mr4 ,burnand as the occupant of the editorial chair4 ,and on my invitation card ,i first sketched my new friends1 the ,punch staff1 and a few of the outside contributors who were present1 conspicuous among whom was ,george ,augustus ,sala1 the honoured stranger of the evening4 ,that he should be so struck me as peculiar1 for it was an open secret that ,sala wrote and illustrated that famous attack 7nominally by ,alfred ,bunn71 ,a ,word with ,punch1 a most vulgar1 vicious1 and personal insult which had given much offence years before2 a clear proof of ,mr4 ,punch's forgiving nature4 ,that grand old man of ,punch1 ,tenniel1 ,i made an attempt to sketch as he was saying a few words1 but on this particular occasion it was my vis--vis ,charles ,keene who interested me more than any other person present4 ,he wore black kid gloves and never removed them all during dinner--that puzzled me4 ,why he wore them ,i cannot say4 ,i never saw him wearing gloves at table again1 or even out of doors4 ,then he was in trouble with his cigar1 and finally ,i noticed that he threw it under the table and stamped upon it1 and produced his favourite dirty ,charles the ,first pipe1 the diminutive bowl of which he filled continually with what smokers call dottles4 ,he was then apparently perfectly happy1 as indeed he always looked when puffing away at his antique clay4 ,years afterwards1 when sketching a background for a ,punch drawing in the ,east ,end1 ,i noticed some labourers returning from working at excavations1 laughing over something they had found in the ground2 it was a splendid specimen of the ,charles clay pipe1 longer than any ,i have seen4 ,i bought it from them to present to ,keene1 but he was ill then1 and soon after the greatest master of black and white ,england ever produced had passed away4 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,first ,,invitation ,,from ,,punch4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,letter ,,from ,,charles ,,keene1 ,,objecting ,,to ,,an ,,editor ,,interviewing ,,him4 ,illustration3 ,robert4 ,after ,keene the strangest character present was ,mr4 ,deputy ,bedford--,robert in the pages of ,punch--an undertaker in the ,city1 and one of the most humorous men within its boundary4 ,i recollect introducing my wife to him at some function at the ,mansion ,house--not as ,robert1 but as ,mr4 ,deputy ,bedford4 ,she expressed her pleasure at meeting one of the ,city dignitaries1 and he offered to show her over the treasures in the ,mansion ,house4 ,there's a fine statue for you6 ,don't know who did it1 but we paid a thousand pounds for it4 ,and that one over there1 which weighs half a ton less1 cost twice as much4 ,oh6 the pictures are worth something1 too4 ,that portrait cost #hjj2 ,i don't know what that one cost1 but the frame is cheap at #bj4 ,yes1 fine gold plate1 isn't it8 ,old designs8 ,yes1 but old or new1 boiled down1 ,i should think #hj1jjj wouldn't be taken for the pile6 ,and so on1 and so on1 with a merry twinkle in his eye and an excellent imitation of what outsiders consider ,city men to be4 ,illustration3 ,,george ,,du ,,maurier4 ,from a pen and ink drawing by himself1 the property of the ,author4 ,my caricature of the genial ,e4 ,l4 ,s4 7,sambourne7 is not good1 but quite as kind as ,sala's remarks were on that occasion in chaffing ,sambourne for turning up in morning costume4 ,in the bottom right-hand corner of the card is a note of the late ,mr4 ,w4 ,h4 ,bradbury1 one of the proprietors of ,punch1 the kindest and the best host1 the biggest-hearted and most genial friend1 ,i ever worked for4 ,he has his eye1 ,i notice1 on a gentleman making an impromptu speech--the sensation of the evening--referred to by ,mr4 ,m4 ,h4 ,spielmann in ,the ,history of ,punch4 ,next to that irrepressible orator is ,mr4 ,lucy1 ,toby1 ,m4,p41 as ,i saw him first4 ,i note on this card an attempt to sketch du ,maurier1 the ,thackeray of the pencil4 ,by the way1 ,i was certainly the first to apply that term to him--in my first lecture1 ,art and ,artists4 ,he was some distance from me at the banquet when ,i made these notes4 ,it is a curious fact that ,i really never had a seat allotted to me at the ,punch table4 ,i always sat in du ,maurier's1 except on the rare occasions when he came to the dinner1 when ,i moved up one4 ,it was always a treat to have du ,maurier at the table4 ,he was by far and away the cleverest conversationalist of his time ,i ever met1--his delightful repartees were so neat and effective1 and his daring chaff and his criticisms so bright and refreshing4 ,for some extraordinary reason du ,maurier was known to the ,punch men as ,kiki1 a friendly sobriquet which greeted him when he first joined1 and refers to his nationality4 ,in the same way as an ,english schoolboy calls out ,froggy to a ,frenchman1 his friends on the ,punch staff called him ,kiki1 suggested by the ,frenchman's peculiar and un-,english art of self-defence4 ,du ,maurier took very little interest in the discussions at the table2 in fact1 he resented informal debate on the subject of the cartoon as an interruption to his conversation1 although he once suggested a cartoon which will always rank as one of the most historical hits of ,mr4 ,punch--a cartoon of the ,first ,napoleon warning ,napoleon the ,third as he marches out to meet the ,germans in the ,war of #ahgj4 ,at times he might enter into the artistic treatment of the cartoon2 and ,i reproduce a sketch he did on the back of a menu to explain some idea in connection with the cartoon which appeared the following week in ,punch4 ,du ,maurier's extremely clever conversation struck me the moment ,i joined the staff of ,punch4 ,as ,i went part of his way to ,hampstead1 we sometimes shared a cab1 and in one of these journeys ,i mentioned my conviction that he1 in my mind1 was a great deal more than a humorous artist1 and if he would only take up the pen seriously the world would be all the more indebted to him4 ,he told me that ,mr4 ,james had for some time said nice things of a similar character4 ,illustration3 ,,suggestion ,,by ,,du ,,maurier ,,for ,,punch ,,cartoon4 ,about ten days afterwards ,i received a letter saying that my conversation had had an effect upon him1 and that he was starting his first novel4 ,so perhaps the world is really indebted to me1 indirectly1 for the pleasure of reading ,peter ,ibbetson and ,trilby2 the fact being that he had1 with ,burnand and myself1 just visited ,paris--the first time he had set foot in the gay city since his youth4 ,many things he saw had impressed him1 and ,peter ,ibbetson was the result4 ,how interesting it was to watch him in ,paris1 the place of his birth1 standing1 the ideal type of a ,frenchman himself1 smiling and as amused as a boy at his own countrymen and women4 ,so very un-,english1 you know6 ,then1 as we drove about ,paris1 he stood up in the carriage1 excitedly showing us places familiar to him in his young days1 and greatly amused us by pointing out no fewer than three different houses in which he was born6 ,we three were the guests of ,mr4 ,staat ,forbes at ,fontainebleau during the same trip1 and du ,maurier's sketches of our pleasant experiences on that occasion appear in ,punch1 under the heading ,souvenir de ,fontainebleau1 in three numbers in ,october1 #ahhf4 ,in the drawing of our al fresco dinner1 ,smith is our host1 ,i am ,brown1 du ,maurier ,jones1 and ,mr4 ,burnand ,robinson4 ,three years afterwards du ,maurier re-visited ,paris with most of the staff to see the ,paris ,exhibition1 #ahhi4 ,in my sketch ,en ,route--,mr4 ,punch at ,lunch1 du ,maurier is speaking to ,mr4 ,anstey ,guthrie1 who1 for this occasion only1 called du ,maurier the ,marquis d',ampstead4 ,du ,maurier had a little of the green-eyed monster in his bosom1 although he lived to laugh at all when he himself became the greatest success of any man in his sphere4 ,when ,i made my hit with my ,exhibition of the ,artistic ,joke1 du ,maurier1 to my surprise1 turned sharply round to me one night in the cab and said1 ,my dear ,furniss1 ,i must be honest with you--,i hate you1 ,i loathe you1 ,i detest you6 ,illustration3 ,,du ,,maurier',s ,,souvenir ,,de ,,fontainebleau4 ,from ,punch4 ,thanks1 awfully1 my dear fellow6 ,but why8 ,ah6 he said1 your success is too great4 ,when ,i get the return you send me in the morning1 showing me the number of people that have been to your ,exhibition1 the tremendous takings at the turnstiles1 the number of albums subscribed for1 the number of pictures you have sold1 ,i cannot work4 ,i go on to ,hampstead ,heath to walk off my jealousy2 when ,i come in to lunch ,i find your first telegram1 telling me you have made #hj that morning4 ,i walk out again1 and looking down upon ,london1 although ,i shake my fist at the whole place1 my wrath is for you alone4 ,i come in to tea to find another telegram--you have made #ajj6 ,how can ,i sit down and scratch away on a piece of paper when you are making a fortune in a week8 ,this nearly took my breath away4 ,my dear du ,maurier1 ,i replied1 ,i feel hurt--seriously1 irrevocably4 ,i shall always feel degraded in your eyes4 ,of course you are the victim of a practical joke4 ,du ,maurier pulled from his pocket one of my supposed returns4 ,it was an imitation of printing1 with the amounts filled in4 ,this is the kind of thing ,i get every morning4 ,why1 of course1 it is written1 not printed4 ,that is the work of the irrepressible practical joker4 ,but it makes no difference1 du ,maurier2 if you thought that ,i would be such a cad as to send you these returns1 ,i cannot see how we can ever be great friends4 ,although as du ,maurier believed for a time ,i had the necessary vulgarity of the bloated millionaire1 to use his own words1 we were never much more than acquaintances--although very pleasant acquaintances--and ,i believe du ,maurier reciprocated the kind feeling ,i had towards him4 ,du ,maurier rarely forgave a satirical thrust at his expense4 ,his dislike for ,mr4 ,whistler on this account is well known to all the early readers of ,trilby1 and he often related with unconcealed glee a remark he once made to ,whistler4 ,it appears they had not met for a long period1 during which du ,maurier with his satirical pictures on the sthetic craze1 published in ,punch1 and ,whistler with his symphonies and harmonies on canvas1 exhibited in the ,law ,courts1 had both increased their reputation4 ,hullo1 ,kiki6 cried ,whistler4 ,i'm told that your work in ,punch is the making of some men4 ,you have actually invented ,tomkins6 ,why1 he never would have existed but for you6 ,ha6 ha6 how on earth did you do it8 ,look here1 ,jimmy1 if you don't look out1 by ,jove1 ,i'll invent you6 ,how ,kiki--du ,maurier--carried out his threat in ,trilby1 and what resulted from it1 all the world knows4 ,by the way1 the mention of ,trilby reminds me of a story about ,mr4 du ,maurier's own ,trilby which is perhaps worth recording4 ,du ,maurier for some years lived on the top of ,hampstead ,heath1 rather inaccessible for models4 ,but more than once friends asked him to take a sitting from some lady or another1 as he1 drawing fashionable ladies1 was different1 perhaps1 from painters using models for costumes or1 as du ,maurier would say1 for the altogether4 ,in this way a model was introduced to him1 and1 to his surprise1 she drove up to his house in a hansom1 and he heard her asking one of the servants for change of a sovereign to pay the cabman4 ,she did not sit very well1 so after a short time ,mr4 du ,maurier told her that he only drew from models for part of the day1 and1 rather apologetically1 said he of course did not pay for the whole of the usual day's sitting4 ,and she said3 ,oh1 thanks6 ,i am only too pleased to sit for a short time4 ,but would you kindly ask one of your servants to fetch me a hansom8 ,illustration3 ,,punch ,,staff ,,returning ,,from ,,paris4 7,the original hangs on the wall of ,mr4 ,punch's dining room47 ,this made the artist more than ever miserable1 and he said3 ,excuse me1 but perhaps you are not aware we only pay a modest amount for sitters2 in fact1 ,i generally pay five shillings for two hours--aw---- ,you don't mean to say you are really going to give me five shillings8 ,oh1 how kind of you6 ,it will just pay half my cab fare home4 ,i didn't know ,i was going to be so lucky4 ,and she vanished1 leaving the artist more bewildered than ever4 ,some time afterwards1 in ,hyde ,park1 he was surprised to see a carriage beautifully appointed pulled up to where he was standing1 and a lady lean out and say3 ,i have never seen you before to thank you for your kindness in allowing me to sit for you4 ,i was so anxious to see what a studio was like4 ,thanks1 awfully2 you must let me call again4 ,du ,maurier had the faculty of unaffected fun1 he had also a feeling for caricature in portraiture1 but he did not care to exercise either to any extent in ,punch4 ,i recollect ,sir ,henry ,thompson--the celebrated physician--showing me a copy of a book he had written1 in which he speaks of hospital life in ,london4 ,du ,maurier had studied in a ,london hospital when he first arrived in ,england1 and he wrote to ,sir ,henry1 then a stranger to him1 to ask him if the wretch in his book who wheeled off the remains of the corpses from the dissecting-room was the same man he knew and loathed years ago4 ,the sketch accompanying this query ,sir ,henry had pasted in the book in triumph4 ,there is the man1 he said1 to the life6 ,at dinner du ,maurier ate sparingly1 drank moderately1 and smoked cigarettes4 ,he avoided champagne1 preferring the wine of his country--claret2 and after dinner1 in place of coffee1 he had a huge breakfast-cup of tea1 and1 like the soap advertisement boy1 he was not happy till he got it4 ,illustration3 ,,japanese ,,style3 ,a ,,ballet ,,from ,,punch4 ,mentioning an advertisement suggests that it may interest some to know du ,maurier drew the label for a most popular mineral water4 ,it is safe to predict that not one person in the tens of thousands looking at it yearly would connect du ,maurier with it4 ,it is that elaborate and rather inartistic design on ,appollinaris water1 for which he received fifty guineas from his friend--one of the proprietors4 ,anyone following his work in ,punch must have noticed that he was a hypochondriac4 ,hypochondriasis was a disease with him1 he was always thinking of his health1 and ,i fear that sudden burst of popularity following the success of ,trilby1 in place of bracing him up1 made him dwell somewhat more upon his state of health1 and hastened the end4 ,i recollect his telling me years ago he was advised to take horse exercise for his health's sake1 so he hired a hack and started in the direction of ,richmond ,park4 ,arriving at the well-known windmill1 and before descending the beautiful slopes on the other side1 he took out his watch and1 opening the case1 put out his tongue to see what effect the ride had had on his health4 ,the horse moved1 and he found himself the next moment on the ground4 ,he gave up horse exercise after that6 ,my first contribution to ,punch appeared in the number dated ,october #cjth1 #ahhj4 ,punch1 as a policeman1 commanded the removal of the newly-erected ,griffin in the place of ,old ,temple ,bar3 ,take away that ,bauble6 ,the much-abused ,griffin is the work 7but after the design of ,horace ,jones7 of an old friend of mine1 the late ,c4 ,b4 ,birch1 ,r4,a41 a clever sculptor and a capital fellow4 ,he sent me his mark of appreciation1 but ,i may say he was the last man to use the instrument of torture suggested by his name4 ,illustration ,i then did the theatres with the editor--no mistake this time--and a very pleasant time it was4 ,my first social drawing appeared in the second number in the following ,december1 illustrating ,scotch wut manufactured in ,london4 ,two ,scotch rustics outside an eating-house4 ,one points to a card in the window on which is ,welsh ,rabbit1 #f;d4 ,hungry visitor 7ignorant of the nature of this particular delicacy73 ,ah1 ,donal1 mon1 we ken weel hev the ,rawbit fur saxpence4 ,we ken get twa ,bawbees fur the ,skeen when we get bock to ,glasgow6 ,the ,scotch is certainly new1 if the joke is not4 ,illustration3 ,,chinese ,,style4 ,,from ,a ,,drawing ,,on ,,wood4 ,,punch4 ,an ,irish joke followed1 and then in the ,almanack ,i illustrated a hit at the style of ladies' dress of the period2 in fact1 at that time ,i drew for ,punch quite a number of social subjects dealing with the sthetic craze4 ,besides illustrating various social subjects and caricaturing the ,academy and the new plays1 ,i was illustrating the ,essence of ,parliament4 ,as ,mr4 ,m4 ,h4 ,spielmann in ,the ,history of ,punch says truly1 ,i romped through ,punch's pages4 ,i open a number of ,punch published only eighteen months after my first contribution appeared1 and two years previous to my joining the staff1 and find no fewer than eleven separate subjects from my pencil2 and ,i may say that up to the last ,i probably contributed more work to ,punch than any other artist ever contributed in the same number of years1 ,leech not excepted4 ,i do not claim that this was wholly due to artistic merit1 but to a business one4 ,i never refused to draw a subject ,i was asked to do1 ,i never was at a loss for a subject1 and ,i was never late4 ,it was to this facility ,i owe the good terms on which the editor and ,i worked so pleasantly and for so long4 ,being accustomed to work at high pressure for the illustrated papers and magazines since boyhood1 ,i confess that ,punch work to me was my playtime4 ,i contributed over two thousand six hundred designs1 from the smallest to the largest that ever appeared in its pages 7the latter were published in the ,christmas ,numbers1 #ahij and #ahia71 and ,i was not in receipt of a salary1 but was paid for each drawing at my full rate4 ,i have reason to think ,i drew in the time more money from ,punch1 proportionately1 than any other contributor in its history in a like period4 ,i read from time to time accounts of the remuneration men like myself receive4 ,of course these statements are invariably fiction1 as in fact is nearly everything ,i have read outside ,mr4 ,spielmann's careful analysis of ,punch concerning myself and my friends4 ,i deal with my ,parliamentary confessions1 personal and artistic1 in other chapters2 ,i shall in this merely touch upon a few points in connection with ,punch4 ,the greater portion of my ,parliamentary work1 however1 appeared in other periodicals1 but it is probably by ,punch work in this direction most of my readers identify me4 ,i was fortunate1 in the twelve years ,i represented ,punch in ,parliament with the pencil1 in having the exceptional material for work upon ,mr4 ,gladstone at his most interesting period1 ,parnell's rise and fall1 ,churchill's rise and fall1 ,bradlaugh's rise and fall1 and a host of others strutting their brief hour on the political stage4 ,where are they now8 ,mr4 ,chamberlain alone interests the caricaturist4 ,parliament itself is dull1 the public is apathetic1 and everything appertaining to politics is flat and unprofitable4 ,yet as far back as #ahhe1 in the figure ,punch1 ,i asked for some new character1 the familiar faces were getting worked out6 ,i had attended some sessions of ,parliament before ,i made the acquaintance of the official presiding over the ,press ,gallery4 ,the ,press ,gallery is1 as all know1 directly over the ,speaker4 ,the front row is divided into little boxes where the representatives of the leading papers sit4 ,the others are seated above them against the wall4 ,these members of the ,press look like a row of aged schoolboys very much troubled to write anything about ,parliament to-day4 ,their monitor sits by the seat near the door1 which in former days was in the middle of the ,gallery4 ,illustration3 ,,familiar ,,faces4 ,mr4 ,punch 7,cartoonist-in-,chief74 ,,oh1 ,i ,,know ,,all ,,you ,,old ,,models4 ,i ,,want ,,some ,,new ',,character'6 ,i shall never forget my first experience of this ,press ,gallery official4 ,he was big1 and fat1 and greasy2 in evening dress1 and he wore a real gold chain with a badge in front like a mayor or sheriff4 ,he awed me--recollect ,i am now speaking of the day ,i attended as a comparatively new boy1 and ,i trembled in his presence4 ,there was no seat vacant except the one next to him4 ,he sleeps6 ,nervously ,i slip into the seat4 ,he wakes1 and looks down at me4 ,h'm6 ,what are you8 is his sleepy remark4 ,punch1 ,i reply4 ,ticket8 ,left at home4 ,bring it next time4 ,certainly1 say ,i1 relieved4 ,he slumbers again4 ,i strain over to see who is speaking4 ,this wakes the gentleman with the real gold chain again4 ,he gazes down upon me4 ,i feel smaller4 ,what are you8 ,punch4 ,eh6 ,where's ticket8 ,left at home4 ,bring it next time4 ,saves bother1 young fellow4 ,illustration3 ,,he ,,sleeps4 ,certainly1 ,i reply1 and1 encouraged by his familiarity1 ,i venture to ask1 ,who is that speaking8 ,i just got the question out in time1 for he was dozing off again4 ,new ,member1 he replied1 and1 half dozing1 he goes on1 more to himself than to me3 ,one more fool6 ,find his level here6 ,all fools here6 ,stuff you've been givin' them at your ,college ,union4 ,rubbish6 ,yer perambulator's waitin' outside4 ,oh1 follow yer ,dad to the ,upper ,house1 an' look sharp about it4 ,he mumbles4 ,i well recollect the youthful ,member1 so criticised1 labouring through his maiden speech4 ,the eldest son of a ,peer1 with a rather effeminate face1 ,saxon fairness of complexion1 and with an apology for a moustache1 it struck me that if petrified he would do very well as a dummy outside a tailor's establishment4 ,yet this youthful scion of a noble line has a good record4 ,he carried off innumerable prizes at ,eton1 was a double first at ,oxford1 ,president of the ,union1 and a fellow of his college2 one of the ,university ,eight1 and of the ,eleven2 distinguished at tennis1 racquets1 and football2 hero of three balloon ascents2 great at amateur theatricals2 a writer upon every possible subject1 including theology1 for the leading magazines2 member of sixteen ,london clubs2 married a titled heiress1 and is only thirty years of age4 ,illustration3 ,,here1 ,i ,,say1 ,,what ,,are ,,you8 ,illustration3 ,,punch1 ,i ,,replied4 ,some of his college friends sit in the ,strangers' ,gallery to hear their late ,president make his first great effort in the real ,parliament4 ,the effect disappoints them4 ,their champion is funky4 ,when the ,oxford ,eight were behind at ,barnes ,bridge1 it was ,dolly's muscle and nerve that pulled the crew together and won the race4 ,when at ,lord's the match was nearly over1 and the ,light ,blues had won all but the shouting1 ,dolly went in last man and rattled up fifty in half an hour and won the match4 ,when at the ,oxford ,union he spoke upon the very question now before the ,house--namely1 whether a tax should be imposed upon periwinkles--his oratory alone turned the scale1 and gave his party the victory4 ,yet now his speech upon the periwinkle problem has certainly not impressed the ,house4 ,men listened for a time and then adjourned to dinner1 and his splendid peroration1 recognised by his friends as the same which he had delivered at the ,oxford ,union1 failed to elicit a single cheer4 ,curiosity1 however1 induced his supporters to remain and hear the reply4 ,the next speaker was a contrast to their hero1 and a titter went round among ,dolly's friends in the ,gallery4 ,he was a type of the preaching ,member4 ,no doubt a very worthy soul1 but hardly an ,adonis to look at1 nor a ,cicero to listen to4 ,still he is sincere1 and with his own class effective2 and sincerity1 after all1 is the most valuable1 and ,i may add the most rare1 quality in the composition of an ordinary ,member of ,parliament4 ,my neighbour1 the ,usher1 at this point opens his left eye1 which takes in at a glance the ,opposition side of the ,house1 and breaks out in this style3 ,all right1 little 'un6 ,keep wot yer sayin' till ,sunday4 ,yer sermon's sending me to sleep4 ,forcing taxation on the winks of the 'ungry ,englishman will raise the country to revolt4 ,tommy rot6 ,here endeth the first lesson1 thank goodness6 ,the soliloquising official rolls off his seat chuckling along the ,gallery4 ,envelopes are handed to him by the reporters4 ,he rolls back to the door1 opens it1 gives the copy to the messengers waiting for it1 and rolls back once more into his seat4 ,in doing so he spies me4 ,i feel smaller4 ,here1 ,i say1 what are you8 ,punch4 ,where's ticket8 ,left at home4 ,h'm6 ,don't forget it again4 ,certainly not4 ,i say nothing more1 as ,i am too interested in his running commentary of the proceedings4 ,a grunt4 ,shake down3 ,old ,waddy1 is it8 ,another sermon4 ,blow black plaster4 ,tell that to the juries1 and use it again in chapel4 ,yer a good friend to us--get a count soon4 ,ah1 ,i thought so4 ,joey ,biggar up to count and snuff4 ,have a pinch8 he said to me4 ,thanks4 ,i sneeze4 ,what are you8 asked the man of the golden badge1 looking down at me4 ,i met his query as before4 ,same demand4 ,same reply4 ,same promise4 ,the electric bells were ringing for a count out4 ,he opened both eyes to watch if forty ,members came in4 ,they did2 and three times forty4 ,torment 'em6 ,keep me here all night1 ,i see4 ,samuel ,banks ,waddy--,pleader1 ,preacher1 ,parliamentarian 7as he is designated in a work on ,m4,p4's7--continues preaching4 ,he is followed by the ,leader of the ,house4 ,my soliloquising friend continues3 ,ah1 ,old ,morality--as ,lucy calls ye--up at last4 ,move the closure1 now then1 that's right2 speak of yer dooty to the ,house and ,country4 ,set the ,rads laughing1 shut yer own mouth1 and sit down4 ,oh lor6 ',ere's the ,grand ,old ,muddler up4 ,we're getting 'usky1 old 'un2 both of us have 'ad too much of this job4 ,we're very much alike1 ,gladdy and me--both great eaters and great sleepers4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,feel ,,smaller6 ,mr4 ,gladstone was telling the ,house all about black plaster1 and gave three points why it should not be used in public hospitals4 ,with the third point he landed a blow at ,home ,rule1 and his ingenuity in doing so brought forth a derisive cheer from the ,irish benches1 which roused my neighbour4 ,i looked up at him smiling1 as much as to say1 ,just like the ,old ,parliamentary ,hand4 ,what are you8 he growled4 ,punch4 ,ticket8 ,same reply and promise4 ,appeased1 he continued3 ,words1 words1 words--no 'ed no tail4 ,oh1 of course you remember the introduction of white plaster--#crd of ,june1 #ahdj--why didn't you say half-past two o'clock8 ,more convincing4 ,no doubt you got into some scrape and 'ad to use it4 ,won't you catch it from the old woman in the ,gallery when you get home if you say so6 ,can't 'ear yer1 thank goodness4 ,scribblers will take down any rot you talk4 ,they want me1 ,i suppose4 ,blowed if the country wants you4 ,again he rolls out of his seat1 collects the reporters' copy1 and gives it to the attendants4 ,who are you8 ,ah1 ,punch4 ,don't forget yer ticket4 ,again he dozes4 ',icks ,beach up6 ',ave all the ,board of ,trade chaps up1 capping each other4 ,funny thing--,board of ,trade chap says anything1 all the ,board of ,traders must have a word in4 ,same with ,local ,government ,board--new man says anything1 old 'uns put in a word for theirselves1 just to keep the place warm for them to return4 ,board6--,i'm bored--joke there for ,lucy4 ,thought the ,irish lot couldn't keep quiet much longer4 ,tanner up1--ought to know more about plaster than politics4 ,rum fellers1 these doctors in the ,house2 leave their patients at 'ome1 and come here to try ours--'nother good joke for ,lucy--make his 'air stand on end4 ,tanner sticking to the plaster--now then1 young ,tories1 jeer 'im down4 ,the ,doctor's goin' it4 ,order6 order6 ,that's right1 ,brand1 turn 'im out1--wouldn't stand 'im in any place else4 ,city ,fowler's bellowing1--scene a-brewing1--good copy for these quill-drivers4 ,dr4 ,tanner had recited some harrowing tale about black plaster being used in his native town by a hospital surgeon on the scratched face of some old woman who had joined the boys in a street fight1 although she protested that pink suited her complexion4 ,it was a base ,saxon trick6 roared the infuriated ,member for ,cork ,county4 ,on a par with the mane1 dirty doings of puppets and spalpeens like the ,mimbers opposite4 ,order6 order6 cried the ,speaker4 ,the hon4 ,member must withdraw that expression4 ,i'll not withdraw anything except by adding that they're all liars on the ,tory benches4 ,the hon4 ,member must withdraw4 ,the ,doctor exits with a flourish1 glares at the ,conservative benches below the gangway1 and hisses at them3 ,better order a ton of plaster1 for you'll want it after ,i meet ye outside4 ,mr4 ,labouchere and two or three ,irish ,members rise at once4 ,my neighbour sneers4 ,oh1 sit down1 ye rubbishy lot6 ,labby1--better keep yer jokes for yer paper4 ,bless me if ,conybeare ain't left standing6 ,now for an hour of boredom4 ,he is a bore1 ,i remark4 ,yes1 ,i've stood ,kenealy and ,wharton1 but this bore ,i can't4 ,i'll chuck it up4 ,kenealy did his best for the ,claimant1 and was amusing at times2 and ,wharton1--well1 he had good snuff1 and his hat was a treat2 but this ,conybeare is a bore and nothing else4 ,so he went on4 ,the descendant of kings1 ,sir ,william ,harcourt1 rose to pulverise ,torydom and put an end to the ,government and everything in general1 when the ,speaker rose and said that the question before the ,house was whether black sticking-plaster could be used in public hospitals4 ,oh1 that's right1 he wants putting down2 too much of the grand ,old ,bailey style4 ,make yer fortune in plush and knee breeches as a prize flunkey2 platform stuff won't do for us4 ,what are you8 ,i feel smaller6 ,punch4 ,you take ,harcourt off with the chins8 ,yes4 ,shake hands6 ,we were friends ever afterwards4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,feel ,,smaller6 ,one day when ,i arrived1--actually with my ,gallery ticket1-a fresh pleasant official sat in my old friend's place1 wearing his gold chain and badge4 ,should this meet the eye of his predecessor1 soliloquising in the retirement of his suburban home1 ,i trust it will not disturb the serenity of his well-earned repose1 for he was a capital fellow1 and ,i can answer for much good sense in his official utterances4 ,if a politician were not a caricature by nature1 ,i made him one4 ,mr4 ,gladstone's collar ,i invented--for the same reason a journalistic friend of mine invented ,beaconsfield's champagne jelly--for copy4 ,when ,members suggested nothing new1 ,i turned my attention to officials4 ,the ,sergeant-at-,arms in that way became known as the ,black ,beetle4 ,i watched ,captain ,gosset from the ,press ,gallery walk up the floor of the ,house in court dress1 his knee-breeches showing off his rather bandy legs1 elbows akimbo1 and curious gait2 his back view at once suggested the beetle1 and as the ,black ,beetle he was known4 ,this1 ,i was assured1 gave offence1 so that ,i was rather anxious to see how ,i should be greeted when ,professor ,thorold ,rogers took me into the ,sergeant's presence1 after ,i had been drawing him as the ,beetle for some time4 ,the late ,professor ,thorold ,rogers was for many years a familiar ,bohemianish figure in ,parliament4 ,he had a marked individuality1 a strong head and a rough tongue1 an uncouth manner1 sloppy attire1 and his conversation was anything but refined4 ,still he was kind and amusing1 and1 for a ,professor in ,parliament1 popular4 ,professors are not liked in ,st4 ,stephen's1 and never a success2 and as a politician ,professor ,thorold ,rogers was no exception to this rule4 ,it was he who introduced me to the ,sergeant-at-,arms' room1 that sanctum sanctorum of the lively spirits of ,parliament4 ,perhaps ,i ought correctly to call it ,captain ,gosset's room1 for although ,captain ,gosset was the ,sergeant-at-,arms1 the ,sergeant-at-,arms was by no means ,captain ,gosset4 ,an anecdote will illustrate this4 ,a friend of mine1 a well-known journalist1 travelling abroad during the ,recess1 fell in with ,captain ,gosset1 and they became companions in their journey4 ,a few days after they arrived home my journalistic acquaintance was in the ,inner ,lobby of the ,house of ,commons as the ,sergeant-at-,arms was passing through1 and he called out1 ,how are you1 ,captain ,gosset8 ,any the worse for your journey8 ,i beg your pardon1 sir1 ,i have not the pleasure of your acquaintance4 ,you are mistaken4 ,nonsense1 ,captain6 ,why1 we travelled together4 ,i am---- ,that may be1 but---- ,oh1 ,i see1 you are thinking of that fellow ,gosset4 ,sir1 ,i am the ,sergeant-at-,arms6 ,and he strode off with the greatest dignity4 ,i was agreeably surprised when ,i was introduced to the ,black ,beetle4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,black ,,beetle4 ,here is ,harry ,furniss1 ,gosset 7not ,sergeant1 ,i observed72 now give it to him4 ,delighted to make your acquaintance1 ,mr4 ,furniss4 ,you see how ,i appreciate your work4 ,and he pointed to a row of black beetles1 cut out of ,punch and pasted on the wall1 the rest of the wall being covered with interesting and dignified portraits of ,members4 ,here was ,gosset at twelve o'clock at night4 ,at twelve noon he would be ,sergeant-at-,arms1 with power to take me to the ,clock ,tower4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,sergeant-,,at-,,arms' ,,room4 ,from ,punch4 ,this room is still the ,sergeant-at-,arms' office1 but in it are no portraits1 no black beetles--on paper2 there may be some living specimens1 for aught ,i know1 haunting the old room in search of the lively company1 the pipes1 and the huge decanters4 ,the present ,sergeant-at-,arms is as unlike a black beetle as he is unlike the ,bohemian ,gosset4 ,but ,i shall be surprised if1 when the courteous and universally appreciated ,sergeant-at-,arms retires1 and the present ,assistant ,sergeant-at-,arms1 ,mr4 ,gosset1 takes his place1 we shall not see the old room again the most entertaining spot in the ,houses of ,parliament4 ,when ,professor ,rogers was escorting me to the famous room1 he implored me to leave politics outside of it1--as if ,i ever talked politics in the ,house6 ,rule is--no politics1 so don't forget it4 ,ah1 he said1 as soon as he sat down1 why aint you in the ,house1 ,tom1 vilifying and misrepresenting the ,irish as ,i heard you this afternoon6 ,disgraceful1 ,i say1 disgraceful6 and he thumped the table4 ,no politics1 ,professor1 ,dick ,power remarked4 ,oh1 indeed1 my noble ,whip2 that comes well from a beater to a beaten gang4 ,why aint you at your post1--the door-post1 ha6 ha6--and rally your men and overthrow these damned ,tories8 ,oh1 yes1 ,king-,harman1 your good looks do not atone for bad measures4 ,no politics1 ,professor1 all cried4 ,come1 ,furniss1 come away1 they're all drunk here4 ,i'll tell you my last story on the ,terrace4 ,these ,tories destroy everything4 ,illustration3 ,,capt4 ,,gosset1 ,,late ,,sergeant-,,at-,,arms4 ,from the ,illustrated ,london ,news4 ,such was my introduction to this select little club in ,parliament1 in which1 with the exception of the ,professor1 all forgot politics1 and the best of the ,tories1 ,home ,rulers1 ,radicals1 and officials were at peace4 ,i was always on most friendly terms with my ,black ,beetle1 a proof that caricature leaves no unkind sting when the victim is really a man of the world and a jolly good fellow4 ,surely nothing could be more offensive to an official in high office than to be continually represented as a black beetle6 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,childish ,,style ,,in ,,punch4 ,when ,i did not invent a character1 such as the ,beetle1 ,i adopted for a change various styles of drawing4 ,for even the work of a caricaturist becomes monotonous if he is but a master of one style and a slave to mannerisms4 ,to avoid this ,i am ,egyptian1 ,chinese1 ,japanese1 and at times ,childish--a specimen of each style in ,punch the proprietors have kindly allowed me to republish in these pages4 ,there is really very little artistic merit in the ,childish style of work4 ,i did not use it often1 but whenever ,i did ,i tried to introduce some drawing as well4 ,here1 for instance1 are my ,academy skits--drawn as if by a boy1 but the figures of the teacher and pupil are in drawing4 ,by the way1 these different styles1 ,i am glad to see1 are still kept alive in the pages of ,punch by new--if not younger--hands4 ,this year's 7#aija7 ,academy skits and other drawings1 ,i notice1 are signed ',arry's ,son1 but they are not--as might be thought--by one of my own boys4 ,illustration ,during most of the time ,i enjoyed a privilege which belonged to no one else1 not excepting ,members1 for even ,members must1 like schoolboys1 keep within bounds4 ,they are not permitted1 for instance1 to enter the ,press ,gallery1 or the portion of the ,house reserved to the ,press2 neither can ,press-men enter the ,members' rooms at will4 ,the public1 being ignorant of the stringent rules of ,st4 ,stephen's1 cannot understand the obstacles there are to seeing the ,house4 ,one instance will suffice to show the absurdity of the rules4 ,the ex-,treasurer of the ,house of ,lords1 whose acquaintance ,i had1 and whose offices were in the corridor by the ,select ,chamber1 could not take anyone into the ,house1 even when it was empty1 without a written order4 ,although armed with a ,gallery ,ticket1 and also on the ,lobby list1 i4e41 the right to enter the ,inner ,lobby1 ,i was not free to make any sketches of the ,house itself1 inside or out4 ,requiring to get such material for the elaborate interiors and exteriors ,i use in my ,lecture-,entertainment1 ,the ,humours of ,parliament1 ,i boldly bearded the highest official in his den1 and left with this simple document4 ,aladdin's key could not have caused more surprise than this talisman4 ,the head of the police1 the ,sergeant-at-,arms himself1 could not interfere4 ,the ,palace of ,westminster includes the ,house of ,commons1 so ,i made full use of my unique opportunity1 and possess material invaluable for my ,parliamentary work4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,sketch ,,the ,,house4 ,i had facilities in another way4 ,at one time the ,engineer-in-,chief was a friend of mine1 ,dr4 ,percy4 ,few men were better known in and about the ,house than this popular official engineer of the ,palace of ,westminster4 ,to begin with1 he was over six feet high1 and had a voice that would carry from the ,commons to the ,house of ,lords4 ,he had to be all over the place--under the ,house1 over the ,house1 and all round the ,house4 ,he was as well-known in the smoking-room of the ,garrick ,club as he was in the smoking-room of the ,commons1 and it was when ,i joined the ,garrick ,i made his acquaintance4 ,he was also an art connoisseur1 and had a very fine collection of water-colours4 ,the first time ,i saw the ,doctor was years before on a steamer on the ,rance1 between ,normandy and ,brittany4 ,i made a sketch of his extraordinary features1 so that when he entered the ,garrick ,club ,i recognised the original of my caricature4 ,we frequently walked down to the ,houses of ,parliament together after dinner1 and more than once he invited me behind the scenes and under the stage of ,parliament1 through the fog filter and ventilating shafts1 when he was wont to indulge in a grim1 saturnine humour appropriate to his subterranean subject4 ,as he opened the iron doors for us to pass from one passage to another1 close to and above which the benches are situated1--for the whole ,house is honeycombed for ventilating purposes1--he pretended that long experience enabled him to discriminate between the odours from different parts of the ,house1 and declared that he could tap and draw off a specimen of the atmosphere on the ,government benches1 the ,opposition side1 or the ,radical seats1 at will4 ,there1 my boy6 eh8 ,pretty thick1 aint it8 ,that's the ,scotch lot4 ,now hold your nose4 ,i open this door and we get the ,irish draught4 ,ugh6 ,come on1 come on quickly--mixture of ,irish1 working-men ,m4,p4's1 and ,rads4 ,kill a horse6 ,the table of the ,house1 which ,mr4 ,disraeli erroneously described as a solid piece of furniture1 is in reality--like so many arguments which are flung across it--perfectly hollow2 and one evening when ,i arrived with ,dr4 ,percy and found that in consequence of the winding-up speech of ,mr4 ,gladstone in a great debate the ,press ,gallery was full and all the seats under the gallery were occupied1 ,dr4 ,percy kindly allowed me to sit inside the table4 ,i was sorely tempted to try the effect of inserting my pencil through the grating which forms the side of the table1 and tickle the shins of the right hon4 gentleman4 ,anyway1 ,i looked straight into the faces of the ,ministers and those on the front bench1 and not only heard every word1 but the asides and whispers as well4 ,illustration3 ,,dr4 ,,percy4 ,,the ,,house ,,up4 ,from ,punch4 ,i only once caricatured ,dr4 ,percy in ,punch 7,december1 #ahhf71 after there had been a sort of earthquake in the ,inner ,lobby of the ,house1 and the tesselated pavement was thrown up4 ,i made a drawing1 ,the ,house up at last4 ,dr4 ,percy is personally directing the improvements4 ,it is interesting to know that some of the pavement taken up on that occasion is laid in the hall of an hon4 ,member's house in the country1 not far from ,west ,kirby1 ,cheshire4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,punch',s ,,puzzle-,,headed ,,people4 ,,mr4 ,,goschen4 ,from ,punch4 ,,the ,,villain ,,of ,,art4 ,one frequently hears the remark1 ,caricature is so ugly4 ,well1 certainly pure caricature is the villain of art1 and the popular draughtsman1 like the popular actor1 should1 to remain popular in his work1 always play the virtuous hero4 ,if the leading actor must play the villain1 he takes care to make up inoffensive and tame4 ,so the villain caricaturist need not be ugly--but then he cannot be strong4 ,nor is it left to an actor--unless he be the star or actor-manager--to remain popular by being tame and pretty in every part4 ,so is the caricaturist1 if he is not the star1 liable to be cast to play the villain whether he likes it or not1 and if he is a genuine worker he will not shrink from the part1 merely to remain popular and curry favour with those deserving to be satirised4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,punch',s ,,puzzle-,,headed ,,people4 ,,all ,,harcourts4 ,from ,punch4 ,now in ,punch1 as ,i was cast for it1 ,i played the villain's part4 ,in doing so ,i was at times necessarily ugly1 and therefore to some unpopular4 ,i confess ,i felt it my duty not to shrink from being ugly1 although whenever ,i could ,i introduced some redeeming element into my designs--the figure of a girl1 allegorical of ,parliament or whatever the ugly subject might happen to be--but in some of my ,punch drawings this relief was impossible4 ,for instance1 the series of ,puzzle ,heads1 in each of which a portrait of the celebrity is built up of personal attributes1 characteristics1 or incidents in the career of the person represented1 could not but be unpleasant pictures4 ,some subscribers threatened to give up the paper if they were continued2 others became subscribers for these ,puzzle ,heads alone4 ,it is ever so4 ,the old saying1 ,one man's meat is another's poison1 is as applicable to caricature as to anything else4 ,it is impossible to please all tastes when catering for the large public1 unless an editor is satisfied to be stereotyped and perfunctory2 but ,mr4 ,punch has made his name by his strength1 not his weakness1 and it may be safely inferred that no ,tory thinks less of him for having used all his talent in attacking ,benjamin ,disraeli year after year as no man has been attacked before--or since--in his pages4 ,in looking through the volumes of ,punch one is apt to forget that the strong situations and stirring events by which a caricaturist's hit is made effective at the time of publication fade from one's memory4 ,the cartoon in all its strength remains a record of an event which has lost its interest4 ,one cannot always realise that the drawing was only strong because the feeling and interest at the time of its conception demanded it4 ,allowance should therefore be made for the villain's ugly caricature1 if it is a good drawing1 prophetically correct1 and therefore historically interesting4 ,perhaps no cartoon of mine in ,punch caused such hostile criticism as ,the ,new ,cabinet 7,august #bg1 #ahib74 ,it gave great offence to the ,gladstonians4 ,the ,radical ,press attacked me ferociously1 and as ,i think most unfairly1 for they treated it politically and not pictorially1 and severely reprimanded ,mr4 ,punch for publishing it4 ,had it been a ,conservative ,cabinet the ,tory ,press would not have resented it or allowed narrow-minded party politics to prejudice their mind in such trivial matters4 ,punch is supposed to be non-political4 ,its present editor is impartial4 ,mr4 ,punch's traditions are ,whig1 and somehow or other a certain class of its readers at that particular crisis was strongly opposed to the two sides of a question being treated4 ,yet ,i venture to say two-thirds of the readers of ,punch are ,conservatives1 and should therefore be amused4 ,it is impossible to treat a strong political subject--such as the meeting of that particular ,cabinet caricatured by me--without offending some readers by amusing others1 unless1 as ,i say1 the subject is treated in a colourless manner4 ,this particular cartoon hurt because it hit a strong situation in a truthful and straight-forward manner1 and subsequent events proved it to be a correct conception4 ,yet at the time no name was too bad for me1 and as these are my confessions1 let me assure the public that had the ,cabinet been a ,conservative one ,i would have treated it in exactly the same way2 and it is my firm conviction that had such been the case ,i would have given no offence either inside or outside of ,mr4 ,punch's office4 ,my readers will sympathise with me4 ,i am to draw political cartoons without being political2 ,i am to draw caricatures without being personal2 ,i am to be funny without holding my subject up to ridicule2 ,i am to be effective without being strong--in fact1 ,i am to be a caricaturist without caricature6 ,on the other hand1 no cartoon ,i ever drew for ,punch was more popular4 ,non-politicians were good enough to accept it as an antidote to the usual caricatures1 and those papers on the other side of politics were extravagantly complimentary1 and ,i received a large sum for the original for a private collection4 ,i allow the following leaderette from the ,birmingham ,post to illustrate the point1 and at the same time to describe the cartoon4 ,the same paper1 ,i may add1 comments on the principal cartoon in ,punch that week--drawn by ,tenniel--as showing that ,punch thinks little of the prospects of the present ,government3 ,illustration3 ,,reduction ,,from ,,engraving ,,in ,,punch4 ',mr4 ,punch' is in 'excellent fooling' this week4 ,rarely has he1 even he1 more happily burlesqued a political situation than in ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss's cartoon of ',the ,new ,cabinet4' ,not a word of explanation accompanies the picture3 it is good wine1 needing no bush1 and making very merry4 ,a glance suffices to seize its meaning1 for it expresses a thought that has flitted1 at one time or another1 through everyone's mind4 ,the big moment has come when ,mr4 ,gladstone is to reveal to his colleagues the secret he has hitherto withheld from them1 not less than from the electorate--to submit to them1 masterly1 succinct1 complete1 the scheme which1 with unexampled courage and sublimest modesty1 they have defended on trust1 for which they have sacrificed their personal independence without knowing why1 and as to which1 painful to remember1 they have sometimes blundered into confident and contradictory conjecture4 ,we can picture the subtle excitement--in one ,minister of joyful expectation1 in another of horrid misgiving--under which they have come together4 ,well1 ,mr4 ,gladstone unfolds the fateful document1 and lo6 it is a blank sheet4 ,paralysis and grim despair fall upon the spirits of the assembly2 face to face with a nightmare reality1 not a man amongst them has strength to say1 ',this is a dream4' ,at the head of the table1 his elbows resting on the parchment1 and an undipped quill actually split upon it in his angry grasp1 sits the ,premier1 a never-to-be-forgotten picture of impotent ill-humour4 ,the task with which the ,cabinet is confronted1 for him as for the rest1 is impossible and yet inexorable4 ,in the candle-flame1 by an effect of hallucination natural at such a moment1 the face of ,mr4 ,o',brien seems to limn itself out1 implacable and contemptuous2 and there is a fearsome shadow on the blind--the massive head of ,lord ,salisbury4 ,the candle1 marked '#dj1' is the majority1 which dwindles while the ,ministers are sadly musing2 and over the mantelpiece1 behind the ,premier's chair1 mutely reproachful1 hangs a picture of the great ,cabinet of #ahhj4 ,it is distinctly the best thing ,mr4 ,furniss has done4 ,that impression was shared by my private friends as well1 even those on ,punch4 ,my dear friend ,mr4 ,e4 ,j4 ,milliken1 a strong ,radical1 and a most active member of the staff1 in a reply to a letter of mine1 in which ,i intimated that ,i was afraid my cartoon would give offence1 replied in a most flattering spirit4 ,i had to play the villain in another scene in the same political drama1 ,mr4 ,punch's ,historical ,cartoons 7#ahic71 in which the same ,cabinet is shown in ,mr4 ,gladstone's room in the ,bauble ,shop--the ,house of ,commons4 ,those ,radicals who had not joined the ,unionists again took offence4 ,those ,radicals who had become ,unionist wrote to congratulate me4 ,from one well-known and powerful personality1 a historical name in the publishing world1 ,i received the following3 ,february #bcrd1 #ahic4 ,your cartoon p4 #ie delights us all4 ,i have looked at it twenty times and seen fresh points in it4 ,nothing for years1 ,i should say1 has so entirely caught the very spirit of a great crisis4 ,we shall owe something to you for this felicitous exposure of ,gladstone's insane ,bill4 ,alas6 the miners and the brickies1 the costermongers and the dust-cart drivers1 have now the power4 ,the middle class has been out-numbered1 and if it were not that some labouring men and artisans have hard heads enough to comprehend the position we should be landed in a pretty pickle next ,september4 ,it is a pity traitors' heads are nowadays their own copyright4 ,a copyright in heads is a good suggestion1 and coming from a publisher too6 ,but apart from traitors1 there are others known to a caricaturist4 ,the ,house of ,commons at one time was rich in them4 ,some such works of art suffer in being translated4 ,indeed1 what the poet ,ballyhooley wrote of one might apply to others3 ,,darwin ,mac,n,e,i,l,l4 ,darwin ,mac,neill1 all the papers are hot on you1 ,darwin ,mac,neill1 they are writing a lot on you4 ,what in the world sort of face have you got on you8 ,send us your photograph1 ,darwin ,mac,neill4 ,surely you must be both lovely and pure6 ,have you got fatures that nothing can cure8 ,let's have the first of it1 ,let's know the worst of it3 ,is your face only a caricature8 ,here's a health to you1 ,darwin ,mac,neill1 ,let penny canes all your enemies feel2 ,show me the crature would slander a fature ,of the beautiful ,mimber for ould ,donegal4 ,our childhers are dull1 and we wish to be brightening them ,send us your picture and we'll be enlightening them1 ,maybe 'twill only be useful for frightening them2 ,still let us have it1 dear ,darwin ,mac,neill4 ,shut up the slander and talk they are at1 ,show us the head you've got under your hat2 ,true every particle1 genuine article1 ,send us your picture in answer to that4 ,here's a health to you1 etc4 ,i hear that the ,queen she has simply gone crazy1 man2 ,says she to ,gladstone1 ',get out1 you old lazy man6 ,cannot you see that ,i'll never be aisy1 man1 ,till ,i've a portrait of ,darwin ,mac,neill8' ,when of that picture she first got a sight1 ,she held it up1 so they say1 to the light1 ,looked at the head of it1 then all she said of it1 ',i'm of opinion that ,darwin is right4' ,here's a health to you1 etc4 ,there's just arrived now1 to give great content to us1 ,a lovely picture1 which someone has sent to us4 ,we know the worst now1 for there has been sent to us ,what's called a portrait of ,darwin ,mac,neill4 ,if it's a likeness1 ,i just tell you what1 ,that you have acted in ways you should not4 ,don't try a turn of fists ,on with the journalists2 ,thrash those who gave you the head you have got4 ,but here's a health to you1 ,darwin ,mac,neill6 ,only just manage new fatures to steal1 ,then show me the crature would slander a fature ,of the beautiful ,mimber for ould ,donegal4 ,this ,pen ,portrait1 by ,mr4 ,robert ,martin1 refers to a matter of much regret to me4 ,i have to confess my sorrow that ,i was the means of making a ,member of ,parliament ridiculous6 ,the innocent item came in the ordinary course of my work for ,punch4 ,i was sent an incident to illustrate for the ,diary of ,toby1 ,m4,p41 which1 when published1 was used as an excuse to technically assault me in the ,inner ,lobby of the ,house of ,commons4 ,illustration3 ,,reduction ,,of ,,page ,,in ,,punch1 ,,showing ,,that ,,my ,,caricatures ,,were--,,in ,,this ,,case--,,published ,,too ,,large4 ,perhaps in the circumstances ,i may be pardoned if ,i confess a secret connected with these ,parliamentary caricatures4 ,for some years ,i provided a page drawing and some small cuts in every number during ,parliament--the latter were generally sketches of ,members of ,parliament4 ,these single portraits were supplied in advance1 and engraved proofs sent in a book to ,mr4 ,lucy to select from week by week4 ,the following letter is worth quoting in full as a characteristic letter from the ,editor1 typical of his light and pleasant way of transacting business with his staff3 ,dear ,h4 ,f41--,please keyindly see that ,h4 ,l4 7not ',labby1' but ',lucy'7 has all your parliamentarians whom you 7as your predecessor ,henry ,,viii4 did7 have executed on the block sent to him1 as he found himself unprovided up to the last moment and so wrote to me in his haste4 787 ,fancy portrait4 ,our artist1 ,h4 ,f41 as ,henry ,,viii4 taking off his victims' heads on the block1 eh8 ,yours1 ,f4 ,c4 ,b4 ,to this rule1 however1 there were exceptions4 ,this particular caricature was one of them3 it was drawn at the last moment to illustrate a particular passage in ,mr4 ,lucy's ,diary of ,toby1 ,m4,p4 ,here it is3 ',look here1 ,bartley1' said ,tommy ,bowles2 'if you're going on that tack1 you must come and sit on this side4 ,when ,i saw ,mac,neill open his mouth to speak1 ,i confess ,i thought ,i was going to be swallowed whole4 ,you sit here2 there's more of you4' ,illustration3 ,,reduction ,,from ,,the ,,original ,,drawing1 ,,showing ,,that ,i ,,gave ,,instructions ,,for ,,the ,,caricature ,,to ,,be ,,reduced ,,as ,,usual4 ,now had ,i shown ,pongo1 as he was familiarly called in the ,house1 in the act of swallowing ,tommy ,bowles1 ,i might have produced a most objectionable caricature4 ,i made1 however1 a smiling portrait of the genial ,member4 ,i was away at the time recovering from a long illness3 the sketch was made in the country1 and sent up to the ,punch engraver's office4 ,by some mistake there1 it was not reduced in size in reproduction as others had been2 therefore in the paper it was apparently given extra importance--,i had nothing to do with that4 ,that ,mr4 ,lucy's reference to ,mr4 ,mac,neill is not a caricature can be judged by anyone reading the passage ,i had to illustrate1 given above4 ,the notion that the drawing was purposely produced on a larger scale than usual1 so as to give this special caricature prominence1 is disproved by the fact that the caricature of the gallant and genial ,admiral ,field ,i drew exactly under the same conditions appears on the same page also far too large4 ,therefore it is a mistaken idea that this particular portrait was intentionally offensive1 or different from others4 ,it was really the combination of circumstances1 if anything1 that called special attention to that particular page in ,punch1 and gave rise to ,a ,,scene ,,in ,,the ,,lobby4 ,i shall1 in describing the curtain rising on this historical incident1 borrow ,mr4 ,lucy's own account of the way in which the ,member approached me after he had seen my illustration to ,mr4 ,lucy's clever ,diary of the ,week3 ,it was shortly after seven o'clock that ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss strolled into the ,lobby4 ,he had been suffering from a long and severe sickness1 dedicating this the first evening of his convalescence to a visit to the scene of labours which have delighted mankind4 ,over the place there brooded an air of ineffable peace4 ,the bustle of the earlier hour of meeting was stilled4 ,the drone of talk went on in the half-empty ,house within the glass doors4 ,now and then a ,member hastily crossed the floor of the ,lobby1 intent on preparations for dinner4 ,one of these chanced to be ,mr4 ,swift ,mac,neill1 a ,member who1 beneath occasional turbulence of manner1 scarcely conceals the gentlest1 kindliest disposition1 a gentleman by birth and training1 a scholar and a patriot4 ,the ,house1 whilst it sometimes laughs at his exuberance of manner1 always shows that it likes him4 ,mr4 ,furniss1 seeing him approach with hurried step1 may naturally have expected that he was making haste to offer those congratulations on renewed health and reappearance on the scene of labour that had already been proffered from other quarters4 ,what followed has been told by ,mr4 ,furniss in language the simplicity and graphicness of which ,defoe could not have excelled4 ,mr4 ,lucy refers to the following account ,i wrote at the time3 ,on my return to continue my work in ,parliament for ,mr4 ,punch after my severe illness1 ,i found the jaded legislators yearning for fresh air1 and even the approaching final division on the ,home ,rule ,bill had failed to arouse more than a languid interest4 ,i felt this depression when ,i entered the ,lobby1 its sole occupants being the tired-out doorkeepers and the leg-weary policemen4 ,i really believe a swarm of wasps would not have roused them to activity1 for ,i noticed a bluebottle resting undisturbed upon the nose of one of ,inspector ,horsley's staff4 ,even the ,terrace was dusty1 and the ,members rusty and morose4 ,one of the ,irish ,members had selected as his friend ,frank ,slavin1 the well-known prize-fighter1 who had an admiring group round him1 to whom no doubt he was relating the history of his many plucky battles4 ,illustration3 ,,what ,,happened4 ,the stimulating effect of this may have been the cause for the assault upon me in the ,inner ,lobby1 which has afforded the stale ,house some little excitement1 which has been the salvation of the silly season4 ,so many papers have given startling accounts of this attack upon me1 some stating that ,i was caned1 others that ,i was pummelled1 shaken like a dog1 and so on1 that ,i am glad to take the opportunity of giving a clear statement of what really occurred4 ,i was standing close to the doors of the ,inner ,lobby1 talking to ,mr4 ,cuthbert ,quilter1 when ,mr4 ,swift ,mac,neill interrupted us by asking me1 ',are you the man that draws the cartoons in ,punch8' ',that depends upon what they are1' said ,i4 ',i refer to one1' said the excited ,member1 'that has annoyed me very much1' ',let me see it1' ,i replied4 ,mr4 ,mac,neill then drew out his pocket-book and showed me a cutting from the current number of ,punch4 ',yes1' ,i said1 'that is from a drawing of mine1' ',then ye're a low1 black-guardly scoundrel1' melodramatically exclaimed the usually genial ,member4 ,taking two or three steps back1 he hissed at me1 with a livid face1 a series of offensive epithets too coarse for publication4 ,having exhausted his vocabulary of vulgarity1 a happy thought seemed to strike him4 ',i want to assault you1' he said1 and forthwith he nervously and gingerly tapped me as if he were playing with a hot coal4 ,he then danced off to ,members who were looking on1 crying1 ',this is the scoundrel who has caricatured me2 witness1 ,i assault him6' and he recommenced the tapping process which constituted this technical assault4 ,knowing that ,mr4 ,mac,neill is a very excitable subject1 and at once detecting that this assault was a 'put-up job1' ,i was determined to remain perfectly cool2 and1 truth to tell1 the pirouetting of the agitated ,member hugely amused me1 particularly as the more excited he became1 the more he resembled the caricature which was the cause1 or supposed to be the cause1 of this attack1 ,i treated the hon4 ,member exactly as the policeman treated the bluebottle--with perfect indifference1 not even troubling to brush away the trifling annoyance4 ,but when in the midst of its buzzing round me ,i moved in the direction of one of the officials1 it flew away4 ,then appeared what ,i had been anticipating1 and the real cause of the insult transpired4 ,dr4 ,tanner came up to me just as ,i recollect ,slavin approaching ,jackson in their historic fight4 ,he showered the grossest insults upon me1 and ,i was surrounded at once by his clique1 who were anxious for the scene which must have occurred had ,i1 like ,jackson1 been the first to let out with my left4 ,but here again was ,i face to face with a chronically excited ,member1 backed up by his friends1 and ,i refused to be drawn into a brawl4 ,but the secret of the real cause of this organised attack upon me was revealed to me by ,dr4 ,tanner1 who at once informed me that it was the outcome of my imitations of the ,irish ,members in my entertainment1 ',the ,humours of ,parliament1' which ,i have given for two seasons all over the country4 ,this was my offence2 my caricature of ,mr4 ,swift ,mac,neill the excuse for the attack4 ,illustration3 ,,dr4 ,,tanner4 ,mr4 ,mac,neill's technical assault was a very childish incident4 ,he merely touched the sleeve of my coat with the tip of his finger1 and asked me if ,i would accept that as a technical assault4 ,this mysterious pantomime was subsequently explained to me1 and meant that ,i was to take out a summons--but ,i only laughed4 ,at the moment ,mr4 ,mac,neill was pirouetting round me at a distance1 ,mr4 ,john ,burns came on to the scene1 and chaffed ,mr4 ,mac,neill1 drawing an imaginary picture 7for ,mr4 ,burns was not in the ,lobby7 of a real assault upon me4 ,a gentleman connected with an evening paper1 who happened to enter with ,mr4 ,burns1 failed to see ,mr4 ,burns's humour1 and thereupon took down in shorthand ,mr4 ,burns's imaginary picture as a matter of fact4 ,it was published as a fact1 and1 for all ,i know or care1 some may still believe that ,i was assaulted6 ,illustration3 ,,assault ,,on ,,me ,,in ,,the ,,house4 ,,what ,,the ,,press ,,described4 ,when ,i read that ,i had been treated like a cur1 ,i was rather amused2 but when ,i read a statement in the papers from a man like ,john ,burns saying that he saw me taken by the lapels of the coat and shaken like a dog1 and then taken by the ear and shaken by that1 ,i thought the joke had been carried far enough4 ,determined to have this cock-and-bull story contradicted at once1 ,i went down to the ,house and saw ,mr4 ,john ,burns1 who expressed to me his regret that he should have invented the story1 and he left me to go to the writing-room1 and promised ,i should have from him a written contradiction4 ,after waiting a considerable time1 a message was brought to me that ,mr4 ,burns declined to keep his promise4 ,i therefore wrote these particulars and sent them off to the ,press4 ,at the same time ,mr4 ,burns1 who had been closeted with some ,radical journalists1 wrote an offensive note--which was shown me1 and which ,i advised him to publish4 ,poor ,mr4 ,mac,neill6 ,well may he say1 ,save me from my friends6 ,the ,press put on their comic men to make copy at his expense4 ,if ,i were to publish it all1 it would make a volume as large as this4 ,by permission ,i publish the following lay from the ,st4 ,james' ,budget 7,september1 #ahic73 ,,the ,,lay ,,of ,,swift ,,macneill4 7,picked up in the ,lobby47 ,have ye heard1 have ye heard1 of the late immortal fray1 ,when the lion back of ,swift ,mac,neill got up and stood at bay1 ,when the lion voice of ,tanner cried1 ',to ,judas wid yer chaff6' ,an' the ,saxon knees were shaking1 though they made believe to laugh4 ',twas widin the ,commons' ,lobby1 in the corner by the dure1 ,there was ,misther ,harry ,furniss a-standing on the flure1 ,when up to him came stalking1 like ,o',tarquin in his pride1 ,the bowldest of the bowld1 ,mac,neill1 wid the ,docther by his side4 ,then the valiant ,swift ,mac,neill from his pocket he took out ,a picther very like him1 an' he brandished it about1 ,an' he held it up to ,furniss for his ,saxon eyes to see1 ,an' he asked of him1 ',ye spalpeen1 is this porthrait meant for me8' '',tis your likeness1 as ,i see it1' was the answer that he got1 ,an' the wrath of ,misther ,swift ,mac,neill then wax'd exceeding hot1 ,an' he cast the picther from him1 an' he trod it on the ground1 ,an' he took an' danced an ,irish jig the artist's form around4 ',ye spalpeen1' thus again he spoke1 'ye most obnoxious fellow6 ,ye see that ,i'm a lion1 yet ye've made me a gorilla2 ,if your ,saxon eyes are blinded to the truth of what ,i say1 ,go and borrow for a moment the glasses of ,tay ,pay4 ',they will show ye that our seventy are ,apollos one and all1 ,that we're most divinely lovely an' seraphically tall2 ,they will show ye we're all angels--though for divils ,i'll allow1 ',tis the black ones ye'll be seeing where the lost to ,redmond bow4' ,then ,misther ,swift ,mac,neill1 just to lave his meaning clear1 ,wid flowers of ,irish eloquence filled ,mr4 ,furniss' ear2 ,an' he also shook wid passion1 an'1 moreover1 shook his fist1 ,an' the ,docther an' his blackthorn stood all ready to assist4 ,misther ,furniss smiled serenely1 an' the only word he spoke ,was to say it seemed that ,misther ,swift was slow to see a joke1 ,but for all his jokes an' blarney1 things were looking like a fight1 ,when a minion of the ,spayker was seen to be in sight4 ,then ,apollo ,swift ,mac,neill from his dignity got down1 ,an' he withered ,misther ,furniss wid a godlike parting frown1 ,an' he stalked along the ,lobby wid his grand ,o',tarquin stride1 ,an' the other ,mimbers followed him1 an' went the ,house inside4 ,an' there they still are threading on the necks of ,saxon slaves1 ,an' nightly wid their eloquence they're digging ,saxon graves2 ,an' my counsel to the artist who their fatures would porthray1 ,is to thry and see their beauty through the glasses of ,tay ,pay4 ,this manufactured scene1 coming as it did in the silly season1 was made to serve instead of the ,sea-,serpent1 the ,toad-in-the-,rock1 the ,shower of ,frogs1 and other familiar inventions for holiday reading4 ,unfortunately the poor ,members of ,parliament obliged to remain in ,st4 ,stephen's had to suffer far more than ,i did through the eccentricity of ,mr4 ,swift ,mac,neill4 ,several of them complained to me that he lured them into the corridors and corners of the ,house1 and then vigorously set to work to demonstrate practically how he assaulted me1 or how he imagined he assaulted me1 to the discomfiture and consternation of the poor ,m4,p's4 ,illustration3 ,,john ,,burns4 ,i should like to explain why this technical assault on me was not made a matter of discussion4 ,i did intend a friendly ,member should have brought it before the ,speaker1 and in that way published the truth of the matter and exposed the stupid inventions of ,burns ,co4 ,with that object ,i had an interview with the ,speaker1 and he implored me not under any circumstances to have it brought before the ,house4 ,he was already tired1 at the end of a trying session1 and did not want any personal questions discussed1 which invariably led to protracted scenes4 ,for that reason1 and for that reason only1 it was not mentioned in ,parliament1 notwithstanding it was really a much more serious affair than was imagined4 ,it was a deliberately organised conspiracy4 ,when ,i was leaving the ,lobby1 after my amusing interview with ,mr4 ,mac,neill1 in which he told me that ,i was technically assaulted1 ,chief ,inspector ,horsley took me down a private passage1 and informed me that he had been looking for me1 as he had discovered there was a conspiracy to attack me1 and at that moment nine or ten ,members from ,ireland were in the passage downstairs1 out of which ,i would have in the ordinary course gone through1 lying in wait for me4 ,so ,i left with him by another door4 ,illustration3 ,,note ,,from ,,sir ,,frank ,,lockwood1 ,,after ,,reading ,,the ,,bogus ,,account ,,of ,,the ,,assault4 ,in this ,i was not more to blame than other caricaturists1 but ,i was more in evidence1 and was selected to be technically assaulted1 so as to force me to bring an action1 in which all papers1 except those supporting the ,irish ,party1 would have been attacked and discussed1 and their influence if possible injured for purely political purposes4 ,an aggrieved person1 smarting under a gross injustice1 does not technically assault the aggressor4 ,had ,mr4 ,mc,neill tried it on with me1 weak and ill as ,i was1 ,i think ,i had enough power to oblige him2 as it happened1 ,i only saw the humour of the thing4 ,illustration3 ,,letter ,,supposed ,,to ,,come ,,from ,,lord ,,cross4 7,,lockwood',s ,,joke47 ,one of the most amusing sketches ,i received was this from ,sir ,frank ,lockwood4 ,lockwood and ,i frequently exchanged caricatures1 as shown by the clever sketches ,i introduce here and there in these pages4 ,sometimes he sent me some chaffing note written in a disguised hand1 and disguised drawing2 but the latter experiment1 although it failed to deceive1 certainly entertained me greatly4 ,here is a letter supposed to be from ,lord ,cross1 a favourite subject of mine when he was in the ,lower ,house4 ,seldom a week passed but ,i made his nose shorter and his upper lip longer1 made his head stick out1 and his spectacles glisten4 ,did he object8 ,no1 no6 ,grand ,cross is a man of the world2 nor was he ever a mere notoriety-seeking political adventurer4 ,i once met him at dinner1 and we chatted over my caricatures of him1 and ,i recollect his saying1 ,a man is not worth anything if he is thin-skinned1 and certainly not worth much if he cannot enjoy a joke at his own expense4 ,sir ,frank ,lockwood whiled away the weary hours in ,parliament to his own amusement and those around him1 but he was not aware perhaps that what he did was seen from the ,ladies' ,gallery4 ,the ladies got a birdseye view of his caricatures in progress4 ,one in particular was the cause of much amusement1 not only to the ladies1 but to the ,members4 ,my lady informant related the incident to me thus3 ,i always watch ,mr4 ,lockwood sketching1 and ,i saw he had his eye on the burly figure of a friend of mine sitting on the ,ministerial bench4 ,mr4 ,gladstone turned round to say something to him1 and his quick eye detected ,mr4 ,lockwood sketching4 ,the artistic ,q4,c4 handed the sketch 7which ,i saw was a caricature of the late ,lord ,advocate7 to ,mr4 ,gladstone1 who fairly doubled up with laughter1 and handed it to those on either side of him4 ,eventually it was sent over to ,mr4 ,mac,donald and ,mr4 ,balfour1 and they thoroughly enjoyed the caricature of themselves1 as did all their ,tory friends4 ,but we had seen it first6 ,it may have been this sketch subsequently sent to me and redrawn in ,punch4 ,i recall an incident which happened one evening when ,i was on watch in the ,inner ,lobby to find and sketch a newly-elected ,m4,p41 who1 ,i heard1 was about to make his maiden speech1 and it was most important ,i should catch him4 ,just as ,i was going up to the ,press ,gallery1 ,sir ,frank ,lockwood came into the ,lobby and offered to get me a seat under the ,gallery where ,i could see the new ,m4,p4 to advantage4 ,the new ,m4,p4 was up1 so ,lockwood went into the ,house to fetch me the ,sergeant's order4 ,i waited impatiently for his return2 a long time passed2 still ,i waited4 ,a smiling ,member came out of the ,house1 and ,i asked him if he had seen ,lockwood4 ,oh1 rather1 he replied1 smiling still2 ,i've just been sitting by him1 watching him make a capital caricature of a chap making his maiden speech4 ,when the ,member had finished his speech1 ,lockwood ran out1 and cheeringly apologised to me for his absent-mindedness4 ,so tempting1 you know1 old chap1 ,i couldn't resist sketching him6 ,sir ,frank ,lockwood was perhaps the most favourable modern specimen of the buoyant amateur4 ,possessing a big heart1 kindly feeling1 a brilliant wit1 and a facile pen1 he treated art as his playfellow and never as his master4 ,and in the spirit in which his work was executed so must it be judged4 ,the work of an amateur artist possessing a distinct vein of humour is1 in my opinion1 far more entertaining than that of the professional caricaturist1 the former being absolutely spontaneous and untrammelled by the conscientiousness of subsequent publication1 of correct draughtsmanship1 made only from impressions of the moment1 and not the effort 7as in the case of many a professional humorist7 of having to be funny to order4 ,an excellent example of the amateur at his best is to be found in the drawings of ,sir ,frank ,lockwood4 ,no one would resent less than ,lockwood himself having the term amateur applied to his work2 indeed1 he would1 ,i am sure1 have felt proud to be classed in the same category as several of our most popular humorous artists4 ,illustration3 ,,sir ,f4 ,,lockwood4 ,circumstances connected with a curious coincidence concerning a caricature 7what alliteration67 are worth confirming4 ,one morning ,i was taking my usual horse exercise round the ride in the inner circle of ,regent's ,park1 before that spot1 once the quiet haunt of the horseman1 became the noisy ring of the cyclist4 ,at that time a few cycling beginners used the circle for practice1 and their alarming performances were gradually depleting the number of equestrians4 ,one of these novices came down the hill1 having an arm round the neck of his instructor1 and one leg on the pedal1 the other in mid air4 ,he was unable to steer the machine1 and as ,i cantered up1 the performer's hat1 which had been over one eye1 fell off1 disclosing the features of ,professor ,bryce4 ,the next moment the machine1 its rider and his instructor1 were all of a heap on the ride up which my horse was cantering4 ,i had just time to jump my horse on to the path and thus save my own neck1 and the life of the energetic ,member of ,parliament1 who ,i noticed later in the day1 when sitting in the ,press ,gallery1 was on the front ,opposition bench1 next to ,sir ,frank ,lockwood1 quite unconcerned4 ,i made a rough sketch of the incident of the morning1 and sent it down to my brother ,two ,pins1 ,sir ,frank1 with a request that his friend ,bryce should in future select some other spot to practise bicycling4 ,this was handed to ,lockwood just as he was leaving the ,house1 strange to say1 on his way home to dress for a dinner at ,professor ,bryce's4 ,lockwood mischievously placed the sketch in the pocket of his dress coat1 and at the dinner led up to the subject of cycling1 suggesting at the same time that his host ought to try it4 ,well1 strange to say1 ,lockwood1 ,i've been seriously thinking of it1 but ,i don't know how one should begin4 ,don't you8 cried ,lockwood from the other end of the table4 ,what do you say to this1 nearly killing my friend ,harry ,furniss6 ,and my caricature was produced and handed down from guest to guest1 to the chagrin of the host4 ,that was ,lockwood's version of the coincidence4 ,illustration3 ,,lewis ,,carroll',s ,,suggestion1 ,,and ,,my ,,sketch ,,of ,,it ,,in ,,punch4 ,suggestions for ,punch came to me from most unexpected quarters1 but were rarely of any use4 ,lewis ,carroll--like every one else--got excited over the ,gladstonian crisis1 and ,sir ,william ,harcourt's head to ,lewis ,carroll was much the same as ,charles the ,first's to ,mr4 ,dick in ,david ,copperfield1 for ,i find in several letters references to ,sir ,william4 ,re ,gladstone's head and its recent growth1 couldn't you make a picture of it for the ',essence of ,parliament'8 ,i would call it ',toby's ,dream of ,a4,d4 #aijj1' and have ,gladstone addressing the ,house1 with his enormous head supported by ,harcourt on one side1 and ,parnell on the other4 ,this suggestion is the only one ,i adopted4 ,strange to say1 neither ,gladstone1 ,parnell1 nor ,lewis ,carroll lived to see #aijj4 ,is that anecdote in the papers true1 that some one has sent you a pebble with an accidental 7and not a 'doctored'7 likeness of ,harcourt8 ,if so1 let me suggest that your most graceful course of action will be to have it photographed1 and to present prints of it to any authors whose books you may at any time chance to illustrate6 ,this is the anecdote3 ,someone found on the seashore the other day a pebble moulded exactly on the lines of ,mr4 ,furniss' portrait of ,sir ,william ,harcourt4 ,other notices were in verse4 ,this from ,vanity ,fair is the best3 ,for ,fame1 'tis said1 ,sir ,william craves1 ,and to some purpose he has sought her2 ,his face is fashioned by the waves3 ,when will his name be 'writ in water'8 ,i lay under a charge of plagiarism4 ,nature had invented my ,harcourt portrait1 and had been at work upon it probably before ,i was born2 the wild waves had by degrees moulded a shell into the familiar features1 and when completed had left the sea-sculptured sketch high and dry on the coast4 ,i now publish1 with thanks1 a photo-reproduction of the shell 7not a pebble7 as ,i received it3 it is not in any way doctored4 ,it is a large1 weather-beaten shell4 ,illustration3 ,,nature',s ,,puzzle ,,portrait4 ,there is no doubt but that at one time ,lewis ,carroll studied ,punch1 for in one of his earliest letters to me he writes3 ,to the best of my recollection1 one of the first things that suggested to me the wish to secure your help was a marvellously successful picture in ,punch of a ,house of ,lords entirely composed of ,harcourts1 where the figures took all possible attitudes1 and gave all possible views of the face2 yet each was a quite unmistakable ,sir ,william ,harcourt6 ,again he refers to ,punch 7,march1 #ahij73 ,a wish has been expressed in our ,common ,room 7,christ's ,church1 ,oxford71 where we take in and bind ,punch1 that we could have 'keys' to the portraits in the ,bishop of ,lincoln's ,trial and the 'ciphers' in ,parliament 7a ,parliamentary design of mine1 ,the ,house all ,sixes and ,sevens74 ,will you confer that favour on our ,club8 ,if you would give me them done roughly1 ,i will procure copies of those two numbers1 and subscribe the names in small ,,ms4 print1 and have the pages bound in to face the pictures4 ,the simplest way would be for you to put numbers on the faces1 and send a list of names numbered to correspond4 ,yet a few years brought a change 7,october1 #ahid73 ,no doubt it is by your direction that three numbers of your new periodical have come to me4 ,with many thanks for your kind thought1 ,i will beg you not to waste your bounties on so unfit a recipient1 for ,i have neither time nor taste for any such literature4 ,i have much more work yet to do than ,i am likely to have life to do it in--and my taste for comic papers is defunct4 ,we take in ,punch in our ,common ,room1 but ,i never look at it6 ,hardly a generous remark to make to a ,punch man who had illustrated two of his books1 and considering that ,sir ,john ,tenniel had done so much to make the author's reputation1 and ,punch had always been so friendly2 but this is a bygone4 ,,punch ,,at ,,play4 ,illustration3 ,w ,well1 ,sir ,john1 the ,grand ,old ,man of ,punch1 the evergreen1 the ever-delightful ,sir ,john1 has earned a night's repose after all his long day of glorious work and good-fellowship4 ,a great artist and a great gentleman3 truer words were never spoken4 ,it seems but yesterday he and ,i took our rides together2 but yesterday he and ,i and poor ,milliken--three ,punch men in a boat--were squaring up at ,cookham after a week's delightful boating holiday on the ,thames4 ,illustration ,there sat three oarsmen under a tree1 ,down1 a-down1 a-down--hey down6 ,they were as puzzled as puzzled could be1 ,with a down2 ,and one of them said to his mate1 ',we've got these mems in a doose of a state1' ,with a down derry1 derry down6 ,oh1 they were wild1 these oarsmen three1 ,down1 a-down1 a-down--hey down6 ,especially one with the white puggree1 ,with a down2 ,for it's precious hard to divide by three ,a sum on whose total you can't agree1 ,with a down derry1 derry down6 ,they bit their pencils and tore their hair1 ,down1 a-down1 a-down--hey down6 ,but those blessed bills1 they wouldn't come square1 ,with a down2 ',midst muddle and smudge it is hard to fix ,if a six is a nine or a nine is a six1 ,with a down derry1 derry down6 ,a crumpled account from a pocket of flannel ,down1 a-down1 a-down--hey down6 ,with dirt in dabs1 and the rain in a channel1 ,with a down1 ,is worse to decipher than uniform text1 ,oh1 that is the verdict of oarsmen vext1 ,with a down derry1 derry down6 ,a man in a boat his ease will take1 ,down1 a-down1 a-down--hey down6 ,but financial conscience at last will wake1 ,with a down2 ,then ,nemesis proddeth the prodigal soul ,when he finds that the parts are much more than the whole1 ,with a down derry1 derry down6 ,those oarsmen are having a deuce of a time1 ,down1 a-down1 a-down--hey down6 ,the man in the puggree is ripe for crime1 ,with a down4 ,now heaven send every boating man ,for keeping accounts a more excellent plan1 ,with a down derry1 derry down6 ,so pencilled poet ,milliken4 ,the man in the puggree is ,sir ,john1--ripe for many years to come1 and when he has another banquet1 may ,i be there to see4 ,the ,two ,pins ,club was a ,punch institution4 ,original notice of ,,the ,,two ,,pins ,,club4 ,there are ,coaching ,clubs1 ,four-in-hand ,clubs1 ,tandem ,clubs1 and ,sporting ,clubs of all sorts1 but there is no ,equestrian ,club4 ,the object of the present proposed ,club is to supply this want4 ,the ,members will meet on ,sundays1 and ride to some place within easy reach of town3 there lunch1 spend a few hours1 and return4 ,due notice will be given of each ',meet1' and replies must be sent in to the ,secretary by ,wednesday afternoon at latest4 ,when it is considered necessary1 ,luncheon will be ordered beforehand for the party1 and those who have neglected to reply by the time fixed1 and who do not attend the ,meet1 will be charged with their share of the ,luncheon4 ,there will be other ,meets besides those on ,sundays1 which will be arranged by the ,members from time to time4 ,the title of the ,club is taken from the names of the two most celebrated ,english ,equestrians known to 'the road1' viz43-- ',,dick ,,turpin' ,,and ',,john ,,gilpin4' ,the ,members of ',,the ,,two ,,pins' will represent all the dash of the one and all the respectability of the other4 ,the original ,members at present are3-- ,,mr4 ,f4 ,c4 ,,burnand4 ,,mr4 ,,john ,,tenniel4 ,,mr4 ,,linley ,,sambourne4 ,,mr4 ,,harry ,,furniss4 ,,mr4 ,r4 ,,lehmann4 ,it is not proposed at first to exceed the number of twelve4 ,the other names down for invitation to become members are-- ,,mr4 ,,frank ,,lockwood1 ,q4,c41 ,m4,p4 ,,mr4 ,,john ,,hare4#c ,,sir ,,charles ,,russell1 ,q4,c41 ,m4,p4 ,we hope you will join4 ,the eight ,members can then settle a convenient day for the first ,meet1 and inaugurate the ,,two ,,pins ,,club4 #c ,n4,b4 ,no hounds4 ,illustration3 ,,lord ,,russell',s ,,acceptance ,,to ,,dine ,,with ,,me4 ,the ,two ,pins ,club was started in #ahij1 and flourished until its ,president1 ,lord ,russell1 was elevated to the ,bench4 ,my only claim for distinction in connection with it rests on the fact that ,i was the only member who1 except when ,i was in mid-,atlantic on my return from the ,states1 never missed a meet4 ,were the ,club now a going concern1 ,i would1 of course1 refrain from mentioning it1 but as it is referred to in the ,history of ,punch by ,mr4 ,spielmann1 and in ,john ,hare1 ,comedian1 by ,mr4 ,pemberton1 ,i may be pardoned and also forgiven for repeating the one joke ever made public in connection with this remarkable ,club4 ,one afternoon our cavalcade was approaching ,weybridge1 which had been the scene of the boyish pranks of one of our members4 ,to the amusement of us all1 this brother ,two ,pins1 as reminiscences of the district were recalled to him by one object and another1 grew terribly excited4 ,ah1 my boys1 there is the dear old oak tree under which ,i smoked my first cigarette6 ,and there1 where the new church stands1 ,i shot my first snipe4 ,dear me1 how all is altered6 ,i wonder if old ,sir ,henry ,tomkins still lives in the ,lodge there1 and what has become of the ,rector's pretty daughter8 etc4 ,sir ,frank ,lockwood1 observing lettering on the side of a house1 ,general ,stores1 casually asked our excited reminiscent friend if he knew a ,general ,stores about these parts8 ,general ,stores6 ,of course ,i do1 but he was only a ,captain when ,i lived here6 ,when the members lunched at ,the ,durdans our host and honorary member1 ,lord ,rosebery1 remarked that it was a ,club of one joke and one horse6 the fact being that we all drove over from ,tadworth1 ,lord ,russell's residence1 where we were staying1 with the exception of ,lord ,russell himself1 who rode4 ,we had1 of course1 each a horse3 some of the members a great deal more than one1 but we were careful to trot out one joke between us3 ,general ,stores became our general and only story4 ,the first public announcement respecting the ,club appeared in the ,daily ,telegraph1 the #dth of ,may1 #ahia3 ,the ,t4,p4,c4 held its first annual meeting at the ',star and ,garter ,hotel' yesterday morning4 ,there was a full attendance of members4 ,under the careful and conciliatory guidance of the ,president1 ,sir ,charles ,russell1 supported mainly by ,mr4 ,f4 ,c4 ,burnand1 ,mr4 ,frank ,lockwood1 ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss1 ,mr4 ,edward ,lawson1 ,mr4 ,charles ,mathews1 ,mr4 ,john ,hare1 ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne1 and ,mr4 ,r4 ,lehmann 7hon4 sec471 the customary business was satisfactorily transacted1 and the principal subjects for discussion were dealt with in a spirit of intelligent self-control4 ,mr4 ,arthur ,russell was unanimously elected a member of the association1 which in point of numbers is now complete4 ,illustration3 ,this sketch is propos of ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne's portrait in ,vanity ,fair4 ,note refers to his being made ,solicitor-,general4 ,illustration ,but the object of the ,club being carefully concealed1 much mystery surrounds its name4 ,few were aware that it was merely a band of ,sontag-,reiters4 ,our hon4 sec41 being at the time prominent in politics1 received congratulations from those who imagined the ,t4,p4,c4 was a political association1 and much wonderment was excited by the decidedly enigmatical appellation of the small and select society4 ,sir ,edward ,lawson showed marked ingenuity in retaining the mystery by his paragraphs in his paper4 ,the first meet of our second season was the only one ,i missed during the years the ,club existed3 ,the first meeting of the ,t4,p4,c4 for the season of #ahib took place yesterday at the ',star and ,garter ,hotel1' under the presidency of ,sir ,charles ,russell1 who was assisted in the performance of his duties by ,mr4 ,frank ,lockwood1 ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne1 ,mr4 ,edward ,lawson1 and ,mr ,c4 ,w4 ,mathews4 ,the arrangements for the season were completed1 and a digest was made of the subjects which claimed the immediate consideration of the members4 ,the ,president called attention to a delay which had occurred in the fulfilment of certain artistic duties which had been entrusted to ,mr4 ,harry ,furniss and ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne1 and which had been retarded in their accomplishment by ,mr4 ,furniss' voyage to ,america4 ,but it was understood that immediate attention would now be bestowed upon the work in hand2 and the remainder of the business was of a routine character4 ,illustration3 ,,mr4 ,,linley ,,sambourne4 ,the artistic duties referred to1 ,i have no recollection of1 but ,i know that at our preliminary meeting1 when all matters1 artistic and otherwise1 were discussed and arranged1 the two following important resolutions were proposed1 seconded1 and carried unanimously3-- ,that ,mr4 ,rudolph ,lehmann be elected ,permanent ,secretary1 and that the duty of sending out all notices convening the ,meets of the ,t4,p4,c41 as well as all arrangements connected with the ,club1 be entrusted to him2 and that every notice of meeting be posted and prepaid by him eight lunar1 or at least three calendar1 days before the date of each ,meet2 and further1 that records in a neat and clerkly style of each and every ,meet be faithfully kept by the said ,secretary1 and be at all times open for the inspection of each and every member of the ,t4,p4,c4 ,that ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne shall provide at his own expense the notepaper and envelopes required for the business of the ,club1 and shall invent and draw a design1 which design1 also at his own expense1 he shall cause to be stamped or otherwise engraved on the said notepaper and envelopes1 and shall cause the said notepaper so stamped or engraved to be forwarded to the ,perpetual ,president1 the ,permanent ,secretary1 and the other members1 for use in connection only with the business of the ,club4 ,it was further resolved that all maps and charts be kept at the ,secretary's ,office1 and in the event of any dispute1 the ,ordnance ,map or the ,admiralty ,chart shall be decisive4 ,but during the existence of the ,club there never was any cause to refer to an ,ordnance ,map or ,admiralty ,chart4 ,there never was a ,secretary's ,office1 nor did ,mr4 ,linley ,sambourne either design or provide the notepaper or envelopes1 nor are there any records in existence1 either printed or written in a neat and clerkly style1 of the merry meetings of this unique ,club4 ,it ran its delightful and dangerous course1 its wild career1 unmarred by any dispute or accident4 ,the last meet was to dine ,lord ,russell on his elevation to the ,bench4 ,illustration3 ,,portrait ,,of ,,me ,,as ,a ,,member ,,of ,,the ,,two ,,pins ,,club1 ,,by ,,linley ,,sambourne4 ,i shall never forget the first occasion on which ,i saw the late ,lord ,russell4 ,it was in the old days when the ,law ,courts were in ,westminster1--and ,i1 in search of character1 strangely enough found myself wandering about the ,divorce ,court1 where so many characters are lost4 ,it was a cause clbre1--the divorce suit of a most distinguished ,presbyterian cleric who charged his wife1 the co-respondent being the stable-boy4 ,russell 7then plain ,mr47 was for the clergyman1 and when ,i entered the crowded court1 he was in the midst of his appeal to the jury1 working himself up to a pitch of eloquence1 appealing to all to look upon the saintly figure of the man of prayer 7the plaintiff1 who was playing the part by kneeling and clasping his hands71 and asking the jury to scorn all idea of his client having any desire to free himself of his wife so as to marry his pretty governess1 or cousin1 or whomever it was suggested he most particularly admired4 ,russell had arrived at quoting ,scripture1--he was at his best1 austere1 eloquent1 persuasive1 an orator1 a gentleman1 a great advocate1 and as sanctimonious as his kneeling client4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,late ,,lord ,,russell1 ,,the ,,president ,,of ,,the ,,two ,,pins ,,club4 ,he was interrupted by someone handing him a telegram4 ,as he opened it he said1 waving it towards his client1 ,this may be a message from ,heaven to that saint1--ah1 gentlemen of the jury1 the words so pure--so--so---- 7he reads the telegram74 ,d----6 ,d----6 ,d----6 ,he crushed the telegram in his hand1 and with an angry gesture threw it away4 ,although his words were drowned by the laughter in ,court1 his gestures and face showed his chagrin and disgust4 ,the ,grand ,national had been run half-an-hour before4 ,years afterwards1 on his own lawn at ,tadworth1 ,i told him of this incident1 and asked him what the contents of that telegram were4 ,he declared ,i was wrong1 such an incident never occurred in his career4 ,i convinced him ,i was right--it was the first time ,i saw him1 and every detail was vividly impressed upon my memory4 ,after dinner he came to me and said1 ,furniss1 ,i have been thinking over that incident4 ,you are quite right--it has all come back to me4 ,i lost my temper1 ,i recollect1 because ,i had wired to my boy over there to make a bet for me on an outsider at a long price2 when at lunch1 ,i heard the horse had won4 ,i was delighted1 and therefore at my best when ,i addressed the jury4 ,the telegram was from my boy to say that he forgot to put the money on6 ,riding has caused my appearance in a ,police ,court1 but not as a member of the ,two ,pins ,club4 ,in ,october1 #ahie1 ,i was returning from my usual ride before breakfast1 accompanied by my little daughter2 we turned into the terrace in which we live1 and our horses cantered up the hill about #abj yards4 ,as we were dismounting1 a ,police ,inspector passed1 addressing me by name1 and in a most offensive tone declared that he would summon me1 as ,i had been cautioned before for furious riding4 ,this remark was so absolutely untrue that ,i met the summons1 and the ,inspector in the ,court made three distinct statements on oath3 ,that ,i spurred my horse 7when cross-examined by me1 he gave a minute description of my spurs72 that ,i charged up the hill #bej yards at the rate of sixteen miles an hour2 and that ,i had been cautioned before for the same thing4 ,now1 ,i have never been cautioned in my life2 the distance ,i went up the hill is #abj yards1 and no horse could get up any pace in that distance2 and ,i do not wear spurs1 although two constables swore ,i did4 ,the magistrate1 face to face with these three facts1 looked the picture of misery4 ,it was evident to him1 as it must be evident to every fair-minded man1 that the police were in the wrong4 ,and when the magistrate was thinking out this dilemma1 ,i made a fatal mistake4 ,i gave my reason for appearing as a sacrifice on my part to show the magistrate the sort of evidence upon which poor cabmen and others are fined and made to suffer4 ,the magistrate1 ,mr4 ,plowden1 waxed very wroth1 and as he could not punish me1 and would not reprimand the police1 ,i was asked to pay the costs of the summons1 which was withdrawn4 ,the late ,mr4 ,montagu ,williams1 who sat in the ,marylebone ,police ,court1 the court in which ,i was charged with furious riding1 gave it as his private opinion that the longer a policeman was in the service the less he could rely upon his word4 ,illustration3 ,,furious ,,riding4 ,,sketch ,,by ,f4 ,c4 ,,gould4 ,from the ,westminster ,gazette4 ,this case led to all sorts of trouble4 ,i was assailed by people in the street1 strangers to me1 for riding over children4 ,letters came from all sorts of societies--,cruelty to ,animals1 and other excellent institutions4 ,i found people measuring the terrace2 others riding up it to see if it were possible to get the pace 7which it is not71 but few knew the truth4 ,the constable when ,i left the court remarked to me1 ,i'll tache ye to caricature ,oirishmen in ,parleymint6 ,however1 ,i was repaid by the humour the incident gave rise to in the imagination of my brother workers on the ,press4 ,mr4 ,f4 ,c4 ,gould made this capital sketch1 and others portrayed my crime in verse4 ,the following was written to me by one of ,london's most celebrated editors1 and has never been published before3 ,h4 ,furniss was an artist gent ,of credit and renown1 ,who'd ride a horse up ,primrose ,hill ,with any man in town4 ,the morn was fine as morn could be ,upon last ,thursday week1 ,and1 like the early morn1 ,h4 ,f4 ,was up before the beak4 7,full little dreamed that worthy cit1 ,some dozen mornings hence ,he would be 'up before the beak' ,in quite another sense47 ,upon two tits of pranksome mood1 ,the gallant ,lika ,joko ,and ,likajokalina rode1 ',desipere in loco4' ',cantare pares' rode the pair1 ,ad equitatum nati1' ,but to a bobby's summons not ',respondere parati4' ,so 'appy rode the blithesome pair1 ,they scoured the hill and plain1 ,and warming with their morning's work1 ,rode hotly home again4 ,but by the slope of ,primrose ,hill ,the rude ,inspector ,ross ,beheld ,h4 ,furniss canter up ,upon his foaming hoss4 ',look 'ere1 young man1' says he to him1 ',there are some children dear ,that by the ridin' of you folk ,do go in bod'ly fear4 ',your hasting steed pull up1 ,i say6 ,s'welp me1 draw your rein6 ,the innocents abroad1 young man1 ,are frightened by you twain4 ',look at yer smokin' job 'oss 'ere-- ,i seen you job 'is flank6 ',e's well nigh done--tyke 'im away1 ,and back upon the rank4' ,h4 ,furniss fixed him with his eye2 ,his brow was awful cross2 ,he ,kyrled his lip contemptuous-like ,at this rude man of ,ross4 ',the spirit of my gallant cob1 ,ruffian1 you shall not squelch2 ,i ride nor ,scotch nor ,irish hot1 ,but ,furniss-heated ,welsh4 ',mine and my daughter's gentle pace ,could not affright a foundling2 ,be off1 and peep down areas1 or ,move on some harmless groundling6' ,the ,inspector glared3 ',come1 ,mr4 ,f41 ,we can't stand this no longer2 ,i summons you to ,marylebone'-- 7,he muttered something stronger74 99 99 99 99 99 ,good ,mr4 ,plowden heard the charge1 ,as two policemen swore it2 ,then heard ,h4 ,furniss' defence1 ,and sagely pondered o'er it4 ',the ,inspector swears you galloped up2 ,you swear you merely trotted3 ,my own opinion in this case ,is1 as usual1 ,gordian-knotted4 ',now ,gordian knots were tied to be ,by magistrates divided2 ,we cut them--and the severed ends ,do much as once the tied did4 ',in this case1 add the paces up1 ,and then divide by two3 ,a canter is the quotient2 ,i think that that should do4 ',a sound decision that will please ,both parties this ,i trust is2 ,it is a fine distinction1 but ,avoids the fires of justice4 ',you1 ,mr4 ,furniss1 must disburse ,two bob costs to my till1 ,and promise me to try no more ,primrose babes to kill4 ',and all in ,court1 take warning by ,the furious ,canterer's fate1 ,and go not up the ,primrose path ,at such an awful rate4 ',but if your sluggish livers you ,must vigorously shake1 ,vigor's ,horse ,exercise at ,home 7,vide ,prospectus7 take4' ,as a matter of fact1 the magistrate did not look at the charge-sheet1 or know me1 or catch my name1 or he might have made his usual joke at my expense in another way4 ,illustration3 ,,my ,,portrait1 ,,by ,f4 ,c4 ,,burnand4 ,mr4 ,burnand and ,i rode a great deal together4 ,avoiding the ,row1 my editor preferred to ride to ,hampstead1 ,harrow1 or ,mill ,hill1 calling for me on the way4 ,once1 when ,i could not ride1 he wrote3 ,very sorry to hear of your being laid up with a cold2 it shows what even the ,wisest and ,best amongst us are liable to4 ,the idea is monstrous of a ,cold ,furniss4 ,a coal'd furniss is satisfactory4 ,don't take too much out of yourself with riding4 ',he speaks to thee who hath not got a horse'--,shakespeare4 ,then follows later a specimen of his irrepressible good humour3 #bb ,nov4 ,alas and alack6 ,i've got a hack1 ,but the weather's been such1 ,i've not got on his back4 ,i got no jog ,because of the fog1 ,and up to twelve1 ,in breeches and boots1 ,which ,i had to shelve ,and recover my foots4 ,i lunched at the ',g' 7,so there was1 you see1 ,one ,gee for me74 ,then ,i came back ,and wrote some play ,but oh1 good lack6 ,no riding to-day4 ,if foggy here1 ,at ,ramsgate 'twas clear4 ,alas and alack6 ,i'll sell my hack1 ,much to my sorrow4 ,i'll ride to-morrow1 ,that is1 if fine1 ,but not at nine4 ,i shall not start1 if ,i'm alive ,and have the heart1 till ten forty-five4 ,away to parks ,i'll trot ,to get a little hot1 ,also to get a little dirty1 ,and with you be #aa4cj4 ,till one1 ,then done4 ,back to ,lunch1 ,then to ,office of ,punch4 ,this my plan1 you'll be happy to learn1 is ,at your disposal1 ,mr4 ,furniss4 ,but excursions in search of material my editor and ,i had to do on foot1 and were not so pleasing2 still1 ,mr4 ,burnand always managed to have his little joke in all circumstances4 ,illustration ,one day he and ,i were doing the picture shows in the interests of ,mr4 ,punch4 ,at one o'clock1 feeling jaded and tired1 a retreat to the ,garrick ,club to lunch was suggested4 ,happy thought6 said my editor4 ,better still1 here is an invitation for two to the ,exhibition of ,french ,cookery at ,willis's ,rooms4 ,capital lunch there1 ,i should think4 ,so off we went1 anticipating a recherch lunch4 ,fancy our chagrin on arrival to find cooks galore1 discussing their art1 but1 alas6 their art1 like the high art of the ,masters of the ,brush in our ,national ,gallery1 was all under glass6 ,aggravatingly appetising1 but absolutely uninteresting to the two hungry art critics4 ,we soon were in a cab and at the ,garrick4 ,as we pulled up1 the greatest gourmet of the ,club1 that clever actor1 ,arthur ,cecil1 greeted us3 ,hallo1 ,frank1 where have you two come from8 ,oh1 ,arthur1 such luck6 ,furniss and ,i have just had the most recherch lunch you could imagine4 ,h'm--hullo--h'm--where8 ,the deuce you have6 ,lucky dogs6 ,eh1 what was it like8 ,oh1 you can see it for yourself2 it's going on now at the ,french ,cookery ,exhibition in ,willis's ,rooms4 ,special invitation--ah1 here's a ticket4 ,thanks1 old chap6 what a treat6 ,i'm off there6 ,no1 no2 you fellows mustn't pay the cab--,i'll do that4 ,here1 driver--,willis's ,rooms--look sharp6 ,arthur ,cecil undoubtedly was a quaint fellow and a clever actor1 but he had an insatiable appetite4 ,one would never have thought so1 judging from appearance3 his clever1 clean-cut face1 his small1 thin figure1 together with the little hand-bag he always carried1 rather suggested a lawyer or a clergyman4 ,his eccentricity was a combination of absent-mindedness and irritability4 ,the latter failing1 he told me1 would at times take complete control of him3 for instance1 he had to leave a train before his journey was completed1 as he felt it impossible to sit in the carriage and look at the alarm bell without pulling it4 ,i have watched him seated in the smoking-room of the club we both attended1 in which the star-light in the centre of the ceiling was shaded by a rather primitive screen of stretched tissue paper1 gazing at it for half-an-hour at a time1 and eventually taking all the coins out of his pocket to throw them one after another at the immediate object of his irritation4 ,he frequently succeeded in penetrating the screen1 the coins remaining on the top of it1 to the delight of the astonished waiters4 ,his eccentricity--perhaps ,i ought to say in this case his absent-mindedness--is illustrated by an incident which happened on the morning of the funeral of a great friend of his4 ,as ,cecil 7his real name was ,blount7 was having his bath1 he was suddenly inspired with some idea for a song2 so1 pulling his sponge-bath into the adjoining sitting-room closer to the piano1 he placed a chair in it1 and sat down to try it over4 ,a friend1 rushing in to fetch him to the funeral1 found him so seated1 singing and playing1 balancing the dripping sponge on the top of his head4 ,,the ,,caricaturing ,,of ,,pictures4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,picture ,,shows4 ,design from ,punch4 ,to feed upon one's own kind is a custom which1 like so many other vestiges of a previous civilisation1 seems in the present day to have a fair chance of revival4 ,we have long had with us the ,city ,cannibal1 the ,fleet ,street ,cannibal1 the ,dramatic1 ,literary and ,musical ,cannibals4 ,latterly the ,society ,cannibal has come more distinctly to the front4 ,then why1 ,i long ago asked myself1 should there not be the ,cannibal of the etching pen and the brush8 ,especially as the writhing victims of those mighty instruments appear to be so enamoured of their fate as to besiege that comic slaughter-house1 the studio of the caricaturist1 and with persistent cries of ,eat us6 eat us6 ,our turn next6 solicit the favour of not being forgotten in his next batch of subjects4 ,illustration ,it may be a revelation to many of my readers1 but ,i can assure them it is a fact1 that it is only in very exceptional cases that artists object to having their pictures caricatured4 ,indeed1 many of the leading painters have given me to understand that the omission of their work from my sketches would be anything but agreeable to them1 although1 when the desired travesties of their pictures appear1 they may pretend to be highly indignant4 ,there is one ,royal ,academician of my acquaintance who has so keen an appreciation of humour that he never loses an opportunity of giving me a hint when his magnifying glass has detected the slightest element of the grotesque in a fellow artist's work4 ,and that most amiable of men1 the late ,frank ,holl1 could never refrain1 when occasion offered1 from directing my attention to the humorous points of his sitters1 although ,i need hardly add that no trace of his having perceived them was ever apparent in any of his works4 ,do artists object8 ,well1 in ,punch1 ,may1 #ahhi1 du ,maurier touches this point3 ,what our artist 7the awfully funny one7 has to put up with3 ,brown3 ',i say1 look here6 ,what the deuce do you mean by caricaturing my pictures--hay8' ,jones3 ',yes1 confound you6 and not caricaturing mine6' ,i have even known artists so anxious to be parodied that1 if they happened to have a vein of humour in their pencils1 they would actually send me caricatures of their own pictures4 ,even poor ,fred ,barnard once sent me an admirable sketch1 caricaturing an excellent portrait of his three children which he had painted for the ,royal ,academy1 where it duly appeared4 ,others less humorously imaginative perhaps have written to me assuring me of the great pleasure which would have been theirs had they themselves conceived the idea which my caricature of their work supplied4 ,although1 however1 there are so few artists who object to having their pictures caricatured1 there is1 of course1 another side to the question4 ,it is indeed most true that nothing kills like ridicule1 and in the course of my experience ,i have found it is just as easy unconsciously to inflict an injury with my pen and ,indian ink as it is to do good4 ,let us suppose1 for instance1 that a great painter has just finished a very sentimental work--a picture so brimful of beauty and pathos that it appeals to everybody1 myself included4 ,as ,i stand before it1 and admire1 it is impossible perhaps for me to restrain a sympathetic tear from making its appearance in1 at all events1 one of my eyes4 ,but how about the other8 ,ah6 with regard to that other eye1 ,i must confess it is very differently employed1 and1 superior to my control1 is searching the canvas high and low for that something ridiculous which1 except in the case of the very greatest masters1 is always there4 ,now what ensues8 ,the purchaser of that picture1 who1 mark you1 unlike myself1 regarded it and admired it with both of his eyes1 congratulates himself upon its acquisition4 ,i have known it for a fact1 however--to my regret--that after the publication of the caricature the purchaser was never able to look at his picture again through his own glasses1 and bitterly regretted his outlay4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,great ,,baccarat ,,case4 ,,my ,,sketch ,,in ,,pencil ,,made ,,in ,,court1 ,,and ,,congratulatory ,,note ,,from ,,the ,,editor ,,of ,,punch4 ,an art publisher with whom ,i was acquainted agreed to pay a heavy sum for the copyright of a work of a well-known and popular painter1 and after the caricature had appeared in ,punch he resolved to forego the publication of the engraving from it by which he had hoped to recoup his expenditure1 because he considered that the sobriety of the work was so completely destroyed as to preclude the possibility of sale2 and an eminent sculptor1 who was responsible for a well-known statue which ,i caricatured some years ago when it appeared in the ,royal ,academy1 has told me1 since it was put up in the ,metropolis1 that he has actually meditated replacing it by another piece1 owing to the ludicrous suggestion affixed to it4 ,on the other hand1 the caricature of an important work is sometimes received in the proper spirit4 ,here is a letter from ,professor ,herkomer1 with reference to my caricature of the work of our greatest art genius1 ,alfred ,gilbert1 ,r4,a43 ,illustration ,of course1 the caricaturing of pictures has its seamy as well as its smooth side4 ,among the annoyances to which an artist engaged on this description of work is exposed ,i am inclined to give a prominent place to the fussy and vexatious regulations imposed upon him by the authorities at ,burlington ,house4 ,one would have supposed1 for instance1 that anyone like myself1 who is well-known as merely taking notes for caricature1 would have been allowed to consult his own convenience to some extent in making his sketches4 ,but not a bit of it4 ,the penalty is something too dreadful if you are found making the slightest note of a picture at the ,royal ,academy at any other time than on the one appointed day4 ,the object of this regulation is1 of course1 to protect the copyright of the pictures--a very proper and legitimate precaution2 but ,i submit that a better instance of the spirit of ,red ,tapeism which is so rampant at ,burlington ,house1 and which ,i am always endeavouring to expose1 could not be adduced than the inability of the officials to discriminate between the accredited representative of a paper and the piratical sketcher who is taking notes for an illegitimate purpose4 ,i need hardly say that this regulation is peculiar to the ,royal ,academy4 ,at the ,grosvenor ,gallery1 which1 alas6 is no more1 the officials about the place understood these matters better1 and at all times were pleased to give every facility to the representative of the ,press4 ,the polite secretary would give up his chair to me any day ,i liked to look in1 and would often point out to me some comical feature in the surrounding canvases which his sly humour had detected4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,prisoner4 ,equal praise must indeed be accorded to the management of the ,new ,gallery and all the other ,exhibitions with which ,i have been brought in contact in the course of my professional duties4 ,personally1 as ,i have always made my notes at the ,royal ,academy on the authorised occasion1 ,i have had nothing to fear from those who preside there4 ,but my friend ,linley ,sambourne1 who wished upon one occasion to caricature a picture of ,burne-,jones' for a political cartoon in ,punch 7of course altering the figures and indeed everything else1 so as not in any way to trench upon the great artist's copyright7 was dogged by a detective1 arrested1 and finally thrown into the darkest dungeon beneath the ,burlington ,house moat6 ,protest was useless4 ,what his terror must have been my pen fails to describe4 ,visions of the thumbscrew1 the rack1 and all the tortures conceivable rose in the fertile imagination of my colleague1 and beads of perspiration made their appearance upon his massive brow4 ,after weary hours1 when lunch-time without the lunch had come and gone1 and the pangs of hunger began to be added to his other miseries1 when he was reflecting that his week's work for ,punch was yet unfinished1 that the engravers would be in despair at not having it in time1 and that at that moment his editor was probably telegraphing to him all over ,london and instituting a search for his person all over his club1 suddenly the bolts of his prison-chamber were withdrawn and his gaoler1 the blood-thirsty tyrant ,red ,tape1 allowed the genial artist to return to the bosom of his wife and family--not1 however1 without leaving a hostage behind him4 ,the sketch--the guilty sketch--the cause of all his troubles1 was detained4 ,in vain the harassed artist explained to his grim ,cerberus that the work was wanted for the next week's issue of ,punch1 and although as a matter of fact it duly appeared at the appointed time1 ,mr4 ,sambourne had to trust to his memory instead of to the courtesy and common sense of ,burlington ,house for the reproduction of his skit4 ,i remember another incident which will serve to illustrate the trials and misfortunes of the caricaturist when pursuing his vocation outside the walls of his studio4 ,it was the opening day of the ,new ,gallery1 and as ,i draw my sketches of the pictures with an ordinary pen and liquid ,indian ink direct1 and have them afterwards1 like all my drawings1 photographed on wood and engraved--of late years they are reproduced by process engraving--,i was holding my bottle of ink and my sketch-book in one hand1 while my pen was busy with the other4 ,upon arriving very early in the morning ,i thought ,i must have made a mistake1 and that ,i had entered a manufactory of hats1 for the hall was almost entirely taken up with hat-boxes4 ,upon enquiry1 however1 ,i learned that these merely contained the new hats in which the directors would1 later on1 receive their visitors4 ,when the hall began to fill1 and the fashionable crowd was pouring in1 ,i was standing in the central lobby1 sketching away with a will1 when my friend ,sir ,william ,agnew1 always early to arrive on such occasions1 happened to come up and soon interested me in conversation about the genius of ,millais and the beauties of ,burne-,jones4 ,in my energetic manner ,i was debating a matter of some little interest when my eye caught that of ,mr4 ,comyns-,carr1 who1 with his newly-selected hat on1 was standing close by and regarding me with an expression of indescribable horror4 ,what is the matter with ,carr8 ,i observed to ,agnew2 surely ,sargent should be here and hand down that expression to posterity4 ,but when ,i followed his eyes as they passed sternly from mine to the floor1 my hat nearly sprang off my head at the sight which ,i beheld6 ,forgetting that ,i held the bottle of ink in the hand with which ,i had been suiting the action to the word in my animated harangue to ,sir ,william1 ,i had splashed the virgin marble on which we were standing in all directions with hideous stains of the blackest of liquids4 ,in my consternation ,i did not stay to see the incongruous figure of the charwoman and bucket who was immediately introduced amid the lite of fashionable ,london1 but fled incontinently from the gallery and1 rushing in where angels fear to tread1 sought sanctuary in my accustomed haunt1 the ,gallery of the ,house of ,commons4 ,there at least ,i thought ,i should be safe4 ,presently1 when ,i had somewhat recovered from my agitation1 ,i was making my way out of the ,house when ,i encountered a friend in the ,central ,lobby4 ,i was explaining to him the unfortunate contretemps which had occurred at the ,new ,gallery1 and utterly forgot that ,i still held the bottle of ink in my hand1 and on the sacred floor we stood upon ,i had perpetrated the offence again6 ,my only consolation for this chapter of accidents was that the particular ink in my bottle is different from the ordinary writing fluid1 and leaves no stain behind it4 ,it is in fact merely paint1 and is innocent of gall4 ,there are inks1 as there are other forms of journalism1 whose consequences are not so easily effaced or so harmless2 but like the caricaturist's work itself1 the material with which it is accomplished often looks blacker than it really is4 ,illustration3 ,,original ,,idea ,,as ,,sent ,,to ,,me4 ,,my ,,drawing ,,of ,,it ,,in ,,punch4 ,fortunately all this happened previous to the introduction of the ink ,i use now1 known as ,waterproof ink--ink that will not run when washed over with water4 ,the manufacturers of this article sent me a specimen bottle to experiment with1 and asked me for my opinion of it4 ,in replying1 ,i sent the following note4 ,the sketch was touched in to amuse my youngest boy1 who was puzzled by the meaning of ,waterproof ink4 ,the makers1 in acknowledging the note1 asked me to mention the sum ,i would accept if1 with my permission1 they used the note and sketch ,i sent as an advertisement4 ,i replied that they were welcome to use my note1 but that ,i could not accept payment4 ,however ,i received in a few days a large parcel of artists' materials3 paints1 sketch-books1 brushes1 pencils1 c4 ,illustration ,this is more than ,i ever received for a better known advertisement3 ,i used your soap two years ago4 ,i was never offered so much as a cake of soap from those who used my ,punch sketch so freely6 ,permission was given for its use by the proprietors of ,punch1 not knowing ,i had any objection1 and at the time ,i was ill with fever and unable to protest4 ,the firm certainly paid me some years afterwards for the publication of the same advertisement for two insertions in a periodical ,i was starting1 but only at the ordinary rate4 ,i mention this fact as ,i have heard from friends all over the world that ,i received untold gold for the use of it1 and as it has interested so many perhaps ,i may at the same time clear up another fallacy1 which ,i did not know existed until ,i read ,mr4 ,spielmann's ,history of ,punch4 ,in that he refers to the very oft-quoted drawing 7lately used as an advertisement71 the idea of which reached him from an anonymous correspondent4 ,it is that of a grimy1 unshaven1 unwashed1 mangy-looking tramp1 who sits down to write1 with a broken quill1 a testimonial for a firm of soap-makers4 ,a further point of interest about this famous sketch was that ,charles ,keene was deeply offended by it at first1 in the groundless belief that it was intended as a skit upon himself4 ,it must at least be admitted that the head is not unlike what one might have expected to belong to a dissipated and dilapidated ,charles ,keene4 ,poor ,keene6 ,how sorry ,i was to read this when too late to explain to him that he was never in my mind for a moment when ,i was drawing it6 ,but1 strange to say1 the original who sat for it was a brother artist1 another ,charles1 quite as delightful as ,keene1 equally clever in his own way1 and my greatest friend--,charles ,burton ,barber1 the animal painter1 in appearance rather like ,charles ,keene1 but nothing of the ,bohemian about him1 and a non-smoker6 ,still ,i am always being told that ,i had ,so-and-so in my eye when drawing the figure4 ,i might in truth quote ,sir ,john ,tenniel's remark propos of being accused of caricaturing his late comrade1 ,horace ,mayhew1 as the ,white ,knight in ,alice in ,wonderland3 ,the resemblance was purely accidental1 a mere unintentional caricature1 which his friends1 of course1 were only too delighted to make the most of4 ,ah1 those friends are at the bottom of all these misunderstandings4 ,i could a tale1 or two1 unfold1 but that--that's another volume4 ,illustration3 ,i ,,sit ,,for ,,john ,,brown4 ,yes1 poor ,barber sat for the tramp1 and ,i in return sat to him for a figure quite as incongruous in my case as the tramp was in his4 ,i sat for ,john ,brown for the picture ,queen ,victoria had commissioned of ,mr4 ,brown surrounded by her pet dogs1 which she had in her private room4 ,she was so delighted with the picture that she had a replica made of it1 and placed it in the passage outside1 so that it was the first picture she looked at as she left her room4 ,barber's animals and children were delightful1 but he was weak with his men1 and was in trouble over ,john ,brown's calves1--it was then that ,i posed for the brawny ,scott1 but only for the portion here mentioned4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,crib ,,by ,,an ,,american ,,advertiser4 ,this figure of the tramp in my sketch of ,i used your soap two years ago has in fact been mistaken for myself4 ,a relative of my own1 who has been living in the ,cape for many years1 paid a visit to ,london1 and on his return informed his children that he had seen me and brought my portrait back with him4 ,oh1 we have ,cousin ,harry's portrait in our nursery for some time3 one he has signed too4 ,it was the ,punch-,pears production in colour6 ,i am sure ,i do not know how ridiculous stories are received as true1 that ,i got a fabulous sum for the use of this one2 that such-and-such a member of the staff gets a huge retaining fee1 c41 and other inventions--one in particular4 ,if ,i have met one1 ,i have met a score of people at different times of my life who positively declared that they actually sent that ever famous line3 ,punch's advice to those about to marry--,don't6 and received immediately remuneration in sums varying from #e to #ejj4 ,that joke was probably conceived and thrown in at the last moment1 at the critical point when the editor is making up the paper4 ,as ,i am writing these disjointed notes for family reading1 it may perhaps not be out of place just to refer to the domestic relations of the staff of ,punch4 ,our wives and families were invited to meet on the occasion of the ,lord ,mayor's procession1 when they may have been observed upon the roof of the publishing office--till recently it was in ,fleet ,street--from which coign of vantage they had an excellent view of the civic show1 afterwards having a capital lunch in a room on the first floor4 ,yet how much men who live on their wits owe to their domestic happiness6 ,it is a pleasant fact to be able to chronicle that--,i believe at all times--the domestic lives of the ,punch staff have been most happy4 ,it is rather curious that all of them have made the same kind of matrimonial selection--they have married sensible wives1 women who have all been sympathetic1 devoted1 bright1 and domesticated4 ,the wit at the dinner-table1 the humorous writer or the caricaturist in the pages you read1 is a very different dog at home4 ,it must naturally be so4 ,it is the reaction1 and it is to such men that the woman possessed of tact and cheerfulness is invaluable4 ,in truth1 ,punch's advice to those about to marry1 ,don't6 has been disregarded by the majority of his members1 in every case with the utmost satisfaction to themselves4 ,illustration3 ,,bradbury1 ,,agnew1 ,,co4 ,,ld41 ,,printers1 ,,london ,,and ,,tonbridge4