,smith ,library1 ,case ,western ,reserve ,university 7http3_/_/library4case4edu_/ksl_/whowear e_/departments_/preservation_/digitized4 ht l7 file which includes the original illustrations4 ,see #bhiih-;h4htm or #bhiih-;h4zip3 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/cache_/epu b_/#bhiih_/pg#bhiih-;images4html7 or 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/files_/#bh iih_/bhiih-;h4zip7 ,images of the original pages are available through the ,preservation ,department1 ,kelvin ,smith ,library1 ,case ,western ,reserve ,university4 ,see http3_/_/hdl4handle4net_/#bahf_/ksl3coos oc#jj_/;coosoc#jj4pdf ,,social ,,life ,or ,the ,manners and ,customs of ,polite ,society ,containing ,the ,rules of ,etiquette for ,all ,occasions and ,forming a ,complete ,guide to ,self-,culture in ,conversation1 ,dress1 ,deportment1 ,correspondence1 the ,care of ,children and the ,home4 by ,,maud ,c4 ,,cooke1 ,the ,well-,known and ,popular ,author4 ,embellished with ,colored ,phototypes4 ,buffalo1 ,n4,y4 ,the ,matthews-,northrup ,co4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahif1 by ,j4 ,r4 ,jones1 ,in the ,office of the ,librarian of ,congress1 at ,washington1 ,d4,c4 ,all ,rights ,reserved4 ,illustration3 ,,good ,,morning4 ,,preface4 ,there is much truth and force in the old saying1 that ,manners make the man4 ,all persons should know how to appear to the best advantage in polite society4 ,this very attractive volume furnishes rules of etiquette for all occasions1 and is a complete guide for daily use in all matters pertaining to social intercourse4 ,the first department treats of ,introductions and ,salutations4 ,the rules given under this head are those constantly observed in the best society4 ,the same is equally true of all the instructions throughout the book1 which is the most complete work on this subject ever issued4 ,the next department treats of the very important ,art of ,conversation4 ,it has been said1 with truth1 that a good talker is always a social success4 ,the reader is here taught how to converse agreeably and with ease4 ,to be a bright1 witty1 interesting talker1 is a most charming accomplishment4 ,this volume is a help in this respect1 the value of which cannot be overestimated4 ,visiting ,cards and ,customs are next treated1 and all the perplexing questions which they occasion are fully answered4 ,with this very comprehensive volume at hand1 no person will be guilty of blunders and humiliating mistakes4 ,invitations1 ,formal and ,informal1 ,acceptances and ,regrets1 form another topic4 ,the work furnishes full information and is authority upon all matters of social etiquette4 ,all young persons1 and some older ones1 are deeply interested in the ,etiquette of ,courtship and ,marriage1 ,weddings and ,wedding ,anniversaries4 ,these subjects are treated in a manner at once practical and instructive4 ,the usages of the best society in giving ,parties1 ,dinners1 ,teas1 ,receptions1 ,breakfasts1 ,luncheons1 etc41 are minutely described4 ,also1 ,home ,etiquette and ,etiquette for ,children4 ,with this volume in the home1 parents can easily teach the young polite and winning manners4 ,miscellaneous ,entertainments form a department that is bright and sparkling4 ,the dark side of life is not overlooked1 ,etiquette of ,funerals forming a separate topic4 ,how the young lady should come out is stated in full1 with invaluable instructions to her parents and herself4 ,then we come to ,etiquette of ,public ,places1 followed by that of ,walking1 ,riding1 ,boating1 ,driving1 etc4 ,etiquette for ,bicycle ,riders receives full attention4 ,here are ,hints for ,travelers1 for ,hostess and ,guest1 ,general ,etiquette and ,delsarte ,discipline1 ,musicales1 ,soires1 ,lawn ,parties1 etc4 ,washington ,etiquette is described and all the proper titles for professional and public men are given4 ,the ,art of ,dress receives exhaustive treatment1 and the rules to be observed by those who would dress tastefully are very complete4 ,they who are well dressed have already made a favorable impression upon others4 ,suggestions and rules upon this subject are important to all who would shine in social life4 ,letter-,writing makes constant demands upon nearly all persons1 yet its difficulties are perplexing4 ,here are plain directions upon this subject1 which should be studied and followed by all who would succeed in the great art of elegant correspondence4 ,it is essential often to have the best ,forms for ,letters1 happily expressed1 choice in the use of words and easy and correct in grammatical construction4 ,artistic ,home ,decorations are fully treated1 showing how to have a pretty1 tasteful and inviting home at least expense4 ,this subject is receiving great attention everywhere1 and this delightful volume should be in every household in the land1 as it furnishes just the information needed4 ,fireplaces and ,windows1 ,stairways1 ,woodwork1 ,doors1 ,lighting1 ,decorating1 ,furniture and ,paintings1 are among the topics treated in this part of the volume4 ,in short1 this work is a treasury of rules and information on every subject of ,social ,etiquette1 ,self-,culture and ,home ,life4 ,an entirely new and very important feature is the beautiful ,phototype ,engravings in rich colors4 ,the publishers consider themselves fortunate in being able to present these new and admirable embellishments1 which have been pronounced gems of art4 ,,contents4 ,,page ,,title-,,page i ,,preface iii ,,contents v ,,the ,,essence ,,of ,,etiquette #ag ,,introductions ,,and ,,salutations #bc ,,art ,,of ,,conversation #cg ,,visiting ,,cards #ea ,,visiting ,,customs #fi ,,invitations1 ,,formal ,,and ,,informal #hc ,,acceptances ,,and ,,regrets #ajg ,,etiquette ,,of ,,courtship ,,and ,,marriage #aaf ,,weddings ,,and ,,wedding ,,anniversaries #adc ,,home ,,etiquette #afe ,,etiquette ,,for ,,children #ahj ,,dinner ,,giving #ahi ,,table ,,etiquette #baa ,,evening ,,parties1 ,,receptions ,,and ,,suppers #bbg ,,balls1 ,,dancing ,,and ,,masquerades #bda ,,soir,,es1 ,,musicales ,,and ,,lawn ,,parties #bfa ,,breakfasts1 ,,luncheons ,,and ,,teas #bgd ,,miscellaneous ,,entertainments #bif ,,christenings1 ,,confirmations ,,and ,,graduations #cae ,,etiquette ,,of ,,funerals ,,and ,,mourning #cbc ,,etiquette ,,of ,,public ,,places #cbh ,,walking1 ,,riding1 ,,boating1 ,,driving #ccd ,,bicycle ,,etiquette #cdc ,,club ,,etiquette #ceb ,,society #ceh ,,general ,,etiquette #cfd ,,washington ,,etiquette #cgd ,,delsartean ,,discipline #cgh ,,art ,,of ,,dress #chh ,,colors ,,and ,,complexions #cih ,,dress ,,for ,,special ,,occasions #djh ,,letter ,,writing #dbi ,,forms ,,for ,,letters #deb ,,artistic ,,home ,,decorations #dfg ,,how ,,to ,,be ,,beautiful #dib ,illustration ,illustration3 ,,the ,,summer ,,outing--,a ,,morning ,,call4 ,,the ,,essence ,,of ,,etiquette4 ,illustration ,the old chronicler says1 ,manners maketh man4 ,manners are not the character1 but they are the dress of character1 adds a modern writer4 ,manners are not the pure gold of the mind1 but they set the mint stamp upon the crude ore and fit it for circulation1 and few there be who may dare to set aside their valuation4 ,to genius only is this privilege granted1 and genius is exceeding rare4 ,it should be remembered that more people can give the list of ,dr4 ,samuel ,johnson's sins against good manners than can quote from his ,rasselas and ,rambler1 while there will always be more who can descant upon the selfish1 tyrannical ill-breeding of ,thomas ,carlyle than can estimate the value and immensity of his literary labors4 ,the essence of all etiquette will be found in that ,golden ,rule from ,holy ,writ that enjoins upon us to do unto others as we would that they should do unto us1 and whereon ,lord ,chesterfield based his maxim for the cultivation of manners3 ,observe carefully what pleases or displeases you in others1 and be persuaded that1 in general1 the same things will please or displease them in you4 ,the social code1 even in its smallest particulars1 is the outgrowth of a kindly regard for the feelings of others1 even in the little things of life1 and a kindly sympathy for all that interests your companions4 ,be hospitable toward the ideas of others1 says ,dr4 ,george ,ripley4 ,some people1 he asserts1 only half listen to you1 because they are considering1 even while you speak1 with what wealth of wit they will reply4 ,such people may be brilliant1 but they can never be agreeable4 ,you feel that they are impatient to have their own turn come1 and have none of the gentle receptiveness so pleasing to our own ego that rebels against their egotism4 ,it is the kind and sympathetic soul that wins friends1 and ,he who has a thousand friends ,has not a friend to spare1 ,but he who has an enemy ,will find him everywhere4 ,our first impressions of a man are impressions of his manners4 ,we designate him from the first glimpse of his face1 first sound of his voice1 as an affable1 agreeable and sincere individual2 or as crabbed1 cross-grained and suspicious in his temperament1 and are attracted by1 or repelled from him1 according to the characteristics with which his manners have clothed him4 ,the ,influence of ,good ,manners4 ,so potent is this power exercised over the world by the gentle sway of manners that their possession is worthy the cultivation and care we put forth for the attainment of all gracious1 pleasant things1 and to their possessor is given the key to which all doors open4 ,emerson was one of the most acute observers of manners that culture has ever produced1 and he wrote3 ,the longer ,i live the more ,i am impressed with the importance of manners4 ,when we reflect upon their persuasive and cheering force1 how they recommend1 prepare and draw people together2 when we think what keys they are1 and to what secrets2 what high and inspiring character they convey and what divination is required of us for the reading of this fine telegraphy1 we see what range the subject has4 ,manners1 with some1 are the gracious legacy of inheritance1 education1 and environment2 with others they are the growth of the careful cultivation of years1 and carry with them the calm self-poise of the man who has conquered circumstances and established his own position4 ,in such as these there inheres a certain power that impresses itself upon all who come in contact with its influence4 ,the self-possession and certainty stamped upon the face of a man who inherited1 or won for himself1 the sure and perfect armor of good-breeding1 is but the outer stamp of the man himself4 ,manners are profitable as well as pleasant4 ,they carry with them a measureless weight of influence4 ,a gentleman once brought into his library a costly subscription book4 ,my dear1 said his wife1 you already had a copy of that work4 ,i knew ,i did1 he replied1 but the manners of the lad who sold it were so elegant that it was a pleasure to purchase it4 ,the charm of good manners is not a qualification belonging to any particular station in life1 for1 to the poor and unlettered oftimes may be traced deeds and actions that mark them as nature's noblemen4 ,education1 wealth and social station do not always confer them1 but the outer grace may be acquired by all4 ,in this way it has come to be known that a refinement of laws in any country indicates that a gradual refinement of manners has led up towards1 and finally crystallized into a refinement of the hearts and the laws of the people4 ,the ,marks of ,true ,politeness4 ,true politeness is always known by its lack of assumption4 ,president ,tyler1 in advising his daughter-in-law previous to her taking her position as lady of the ,white ,house1 used these noteworthy words3 ,it is1 ,i trust1 scarcely necessary to say that1 as upon you will devolve the duty of presiding at the ,white ,house1 you should be equal and untiring in your affabilities to all4 ,you should remember that nothing shows a little soul so much as the exhibition of airs or assumptions under any circumstances4 ,the minor observances have much to do with the polishing and perfecting of the manners of men4 ,these little things that mark one as being to the manor born are not the growth of moments but the slow accretions of years2 neither can their use be dropped in the privacy of home to be assumed at pleasure for the outside world to admire1 else they will fit but illy1 as borrowed plumes are wont to do4 ,the best-intentioned and best-hearted people that the world has ever known are too often careless in the slight observances that mean so much to the cultivated4 ,thoreau says1 ,i could better eat with one who did not respect the truth or the laws than with a sloven and unpresentable person4 ,moral qualities rule the world1 but at short range the senses are despotic4 ,the code of society is just a little stronger with some individuals than the code of ,sinai1 and many a man who would not scruple to put his fingers in your pocket1 would forego peas rather than use his knife as a shovel4 ,the ,great ,value of ,courtesy4 ,be courteous1 is an apostolic command that too many earthly followers of the ,twelve would do well to consider4 ,they are just1 they are truthful1 sometimes aggressively so2 they are conscientious1 they weary not in well-doing1 but--they are not courteous4 ,they are not good mannered1 and by so much as they sin in this regard do they lose their power to win4 ,good manners1 says one1 are more serviceable than a passport1 than a bank account1 than a lineage4 ,they make friends for us2 they are more potent than eloquence or genius without them4 ,they add to beauty1 they detract from personal ugliness1 they cast a glamour over defects1 in short1 they work the miracle of mind over matter exemplified in the case of the extremely plain ,madame de ,stal1 who was reputed to talk herself beautiful in five minutes4 ,they teach us the beauty of self-sacrifice1 they constrain us to listen1 with an appearance of interest to a twice-told tale1 they teach the wife to smile over the somewhat worn jest of the husband1 as she smiled in like fashion in the days of auld lang syne1 or1 harder still1 they enjoin upon us to follow the ,duc de ,morny's definition of a polite man1 as one who listens with interest to things he knows all about1 when they are told by a person who knows nothing about them4 ,they impress upon us to guard the feelings of others1 they warn us to avoid the familiarity that breeds contempt1 and1 above all1 they are contagious6 ,there is much to be said as to the true definition of those beautiful but abused terms1 lady and gentleman1 each with its strong1 sweet meaning4 ,a lady is one who1 to inbred modesty and refinement1 adds a scrupulous attention to the rights and feelings of others1 and applies the ,golden ,rule of doing as she would be done by1 to all who are connected with her1 both at home and in society4 ,while a gentleman has been described as3 ,whoever is true1 loyal and candid2 whoever possesses a pleasing1 affable1 demeanor2 whoever is honorable in himself and in his judgment of others and requires no law but his word to make him fulfil all engagements4 ,such men and such women are ladies and gentlemen whether they are found in the peasant's hut or the prince's palace4 ,rules of ,etiquette4 ,the following rules1 published some time ago as a receipt for that beauty of expression so much more lasting and attractive than mere beauty of feature1 were written originally for the guidance of woman1 but they are equally applicable to the needs of man4 #a4 ,learn to govern yourself and to be gentle and patient4 #b4 ,guard your temper1 especially in seasons of ill-health1 irritation1 and trouble1 and soften it by a sense of your own shortcomings and errors4 #c4 ,never speak or act in anger4 #d4 ,remember that1 valuable as is the gift of speech1 silence is often more valuable4 #e4 ,do not expect too much from others1 but forbear and forgive1 as you desire forbearance and forgiveness yourself4 #f4 ,never retort a sharp or angry word4 ,it is the second word that makes the quarrel4 #g4 ,beware of the first disagreement4 #h4 ,learn to speak in a gentle tone of voice4 #i4 ,learn to say kind and pleasant things when opportunity offers4 #aj4 ,study the characters of those with whom you come in contact1 and sympathize with them in all their troubles1 however small4 #aa4 ,do not neglect little things if they can affect the comfort of others in the smallest degree4 #ab4 ,avoid moods1 and pets1 and fits of sulkiness4 #ac4 ,learn to deny yourself and prefer others4 #ad4 ,beware of meddlers and tale-bearers4 #ae4 ,never charge a bad motive1 if a good one is conceivable4 ,courtesy1 charity and love are one1 and1 when all good deeds are done the warning comes3 ,if ye have not charity all is naught4 ,therefore3 ,a sweet1 attractive kind of grace1 ,a full assurance given by looks1 ,continual comfort in a face1 ,the lineaments of gospel-books4 ,do ye all things courteously1 founding precept and practice upon that old rule1 the ,golden ,rule1 which is the ,alpha and the ,omega of all good manners and the very ,essence of all ,etiquette4 ,illustration ,,introductions ,,and ,,salutations ,illustration ,indiscriminate introductions are always in bad taste1 yet1 since the sweetest of our friendships are wont to reach us through the medium of a formal presentation1 it is well that we understand how1 when and where these introductions should properly take place4 ,as a rule1 introductions1 to be agreeable1 should be desired before being given2 and since we are1 or should be1 in a measure1 the endorsers of those whom we present to our friends1 a due degree of care should be exercised in so doing1 lest inadvertently we force upon another what may prove an undesirable acquaintance4 ,introductions are given in cases of necessity1 such as business transactions1 or emergencies that may arise in traveling1 as when we wish to consign some friend to the care of another4 ,they are given at balls1 that partners may be found for all the dancers4 ,here1 however1 care must be taken beforehand to ascertain if the parties will dance1 for such is the selfishness and1 shall it be said1 ill-breeding of our society young men that not unfrequently they will walk away without even offering the lady the courtesy of the next dance4 ,in this way her hostess unwittingly exposes her to a marked slight1 since the ball-room introduction is supposed to mean an intention on the part of the gentleman to show some attention to the lady1 with whom he should either dance1 promenade1 or talk through one set4 ,neither are young ladies quite guiltless in this respect1 since it often happens that they refuse partners from simple caprice1 and no gentleman likes to be refused1 even for a quadrille4 ,it may be added that these introductions necessitate no after acknowledgments on either side unless mutually agreeable4 ,introductions are given at card parties when necessary to fill out tables for a game and they occur also where one person especially wishes another to become acquainted with a friend4 ,an ,english ,custom4 ,strangers are always introduced to visitors1 and at dinners1 if previously unacquainted1 the gentleman is introduced1 a few minutes beforehand1 to the lady he is to take out to the table4 ,in ,england1 however1 where they exercise great care in giving introductions1 even this formality is not always complied with4 ,richard ,grant ,white speaks of being informed at the last moment1 in some house whose owner boasted many titles1 that he was to take down the lady in pink over there in the bay window1 to whom1 therefore1 he duly went1 and1 bending an inviting elbow1 said in his most persuasive tones3 ,may ,i have the pleasure8 ,the proffered honor was accepted1 and he and the lady1 each equally ignorant as to the other's identity1 went out to spend a long two hours in entertaining one another4 ,the one redeeming feature of this ,english custom is that everyone1 at private entertainments1 talks to everyone else without an introduction1 considering that the fact of them being guests under the same roof is a species of endorsement for all1 and1 better still1 this sociability carries with it no after obligations1 because1 since they are not introduced1 they are not acquainted4 ,in this country1 owing probably to the unfortunate frequency of introductions among us1 a certain chill pervades the atmosphere when a portion of the guests are unacquainted with one another1 for1 as a rule1 no one here attempts to converse without having been properly presented4 ,in metropolitan circles1 however1 this is not so much the case1 and as our country glows older it is to be hoped that a change will come o'er the spirit of our dream in this respect1 thus lessening the present responsibility of our hostesses1 who1 torn between two opposing factions1 feel that ,if ,i introduce ,mrs4 ,so-and-so to ,mrs4 ,blank she will never forgive me1 and if ,i do not introduce ,mrs4 ,blank to ,mrs4 ,so-and-so ,i shall have made a mortal enemy4 ,at a party given in behalf of a dbutante she is to be introduced to every lady present1 and every gentleman is to be presented to her4 ,in case there should be a distinguished guest present at any entertainment1 all other guests must be made acquainted with the favored one4 ,you ,may ,introduce ,yourself4 ,there are also times when it is eminently proper to introduce one's self1 such as when you find upon entering a drawing room that the hostess has forgotten your name2 or if it should have been wrongly announced2 or if you are an entire stranger to the hostess1 it is not only proper1 but imperative1 to introduce yourself at once4 ,then1 too1 it occasionally happens that a gentleman1 wishing to render some assistance to a lady who is traveling alone1 prefers to introduce himself beforehand4 ,this1 of course1 leaves the lady perfectly free to recognize him or not at any future time4 ,occasions such as these are constantly arising1 and tact and judgment must be used to decide the question for one's self4 ,watering-place introductions are frequently given for the convenience and pleasure of the time being4 ,they are usually made by the eldest lady of either party and further recognition in the future is optional4 ,do not introduce people in public places4 ,do not1 even if a friend should overtake you and walk by your side for some distance1 or should meet and talk with you1 introduce him to another friend with whom you are also walking4 ,you may do it1 however1 in exceptional cases4 ,do not1 as a rule1 introduce two people who are inhabitants of the same town2 it is to be supposed that they could have known one another had they cared so to do4 ,still1 it is well to exercise judgment in this one particular1 since what could be done unquestioned in a city parlor cannot always be accomplished without exciting comment and ill-feeling in a country town4 ,do not introduce gentlemen to ladies without first being sure that the acquaintance will be agreeable to the lady1 since it is much more difficult for a lady to shake off an undesirable acquaintance than it is for a gentleman4 ,in the case of foreigners it is always well to be careful before introducing them to young ladies at their own request1 since it often happens that foreign titles1 found upon this side the water1 are extremely dubious4 ,hence one is clearly justified in referring them to her parents or guardians for the required favor4 ,a ,custom ,out of ,date4 ,introductions at evening parties are1 fortunately1 very much out of date1 except it is for partners in dancing1 or unless there should be so many strangers present as to threaten overwhelming the entire party in speechless gloom4 ,occasionally in the country some old-fashioned hosts persist in handing each newcomer around the room like refreshments for an introduction to each one present4 ,this custom puts the later arrivals in the position1 as some one says1 of making a semi-circular bow like a concert singer before an audience1 and this1 to non-professionals1 is not a little embarrassing4 ,timid people1 and people unaccustomed to the rules of social etiquette1 always feel a certain dread in going through the slight formality of an introduction4 ,nothing1 however1 if one remembers a few timely hints1 can be simpler than this little ceremony so necessary for each of us to perform many times in our intercourse with others4 ,recollect always to introduce the gentleman to the lady1 never the lady to the gentleman1 except in the case of very exalted rank1 extreme age or the possession of great eminence in intellectual or artistic life2 otherwise1 the rule is inflexible save in introducing a youthful rosebud formally to an elderly gentleman1 in which case you would present her to him4 ,the chivalry of etiquette assumes that a man is always honored by presentation to a lady4 ,in introducing ladies1 present the younger to the elder1 unless in case of some marked exception such as those given above4 ,the simplest form in presenting one person to another is always the best4 ,a wife presents her husband as ,mr4 ,north1 ,colonel ,north1 or ,doctor ,north1 always giving him his rightful titles4 ,the wife of the ,president should introduce him as ,the ,president1 while we should address him as ,mr4 ,president4 ,in introducing a gentleman to a lady one should say1 ,mrs4 ,a41 allow 7or permit7 me to introduce 7or present7 ,mr4 ,b42 ,mr4 ,b41 ,mrs4 ,a41 being sure that the names are distinctly pronounced4 ,if this should not be the case1 let the parties themselves ask it at once1 a simple ,i beg pardon1 ,i did not understand the name1 saving much future annoyance4 ,forms of ,introduction4 ,in introducing two ladies the same formula may be used1 as3 ,mrs4 ,y41 allow me to introduce ,mrs4 ,z42 ,mrs4 ,z41 ,mrs4 ,y4 ,or one may say3 ,mrs4 ,y41 this is my friend ,mrs4 ,z42 ,mrs4 ,z41 ,mrs4 ,y4 ,a still further variation is to say ,mrs4 ,y41 ,i believe you have never met ,mrs4 ,z42 ,mrs4 ,z41 ,mrs4 ,y4 ,in introducing two gentlemen any of the above forms may be used4 ,if the introduction is given simply for business purposes it should be short and concise1 as3 ,mr4 ,a41 ,mr4 ,b42 ,mr4 ,b41 ,mr4 ,a4 ,in introducing a stranger it will always be well to make some little explanatory remark that may be used as a stepping-stone toward beginning a conversation1 thus ,miss ,s41 allow me to present ,mr4 ,t41 who is just back from ,africa1 or1 ,miss ,e41 this is my friend ,mr4 ,f41 the composer of that little song you sang just now4 ,any remark like this always serves to make the opening of the conversation easier4 ,an introduction received1 or solicited1 simply for your own convenience1 as a business recommendation1 or otherwise1 entitles you to no after benefits1 or social recognition4 ,where there are several waiting for an introduction to the same individual1 name the latter first1 then in succession name the others1 bowing slightly1 as each name is pronounced1 in the direction of the one named4 ,thus3 ,colonel ,parker1 allow me to present to you ,mrs4 ,roe1 ,miss ,doe1 and ,doctor ,brown1 being sure always to give every one their full honorary title in making the introduction4 ,in introducing relatives be very sure to give their full name4 ,a sister1 for instance1 should be introduced as1 ,my sister1 ,miss ,roe2 or1 ,miss ,mary ,roe1 or1 ,my sister1 ,mrs4 ,doe1 as the case may be1 making sure always never to say ,my sister ,mary1 or1 ,my brother ,joe1 thereby leaving the stranger ignorant as to name or estate4 ,a mother is always at liberty to introduce her son or daughter2 a husband is supposed always to introduce his wife1 and a wife her husband4 ,what ,should ,follow the ,introduction4 ,nowadays1 the usual recognition of an introduction is by a formal bow4 ,handshaking rarely occurs and a gentleman introduced to a lady never offers his hand unless she should first extend her own4 ,the inclination on the part of the lady is slight1 that of the gentleman deeper4 ,the custom of a courtesy by the lady has scarcely taken root in this country4 ,a hostess receiving in her own parlors is at liberty1 if she should wish1 to extend her hand to all comers4 ,a gentleman upon being introduced to a lady usually suggests that he is ,happy to make her acquaintance1 or1 ,delighted to make the acquaintance of ,miss ,b----1 though1 if he choose1 he may simply bow1 repeating her name4 ,a lady1 upon introduction to a gentleman1 simply bows1 possibly repeating his name1 but never is happy or delighted to make his acquaintance4 ,the pleasure is supposed to be upon his part1 the condescension upon her side4 ,she should1 however1 upon his expression of pleasure1 bow1 with a slight smile1 or a murmured ,thank you1 in return1 though1 a married lady1 especially if she be a little the elder1 may cordially say she is glad to meet him4 ,it is the place of a gentleman1 after an introduction to a lady1 to make some remark calculated to set the conversational ball rolling1 and she should endeavor to supplement his efforts sufficiently to keep up the conversation4 ,if1 however1 the gentleman be younger than the lady and somewhat embarrassed1 she should show sufficient tact to open the conversation herself4 ,if the introduction is between two ladies1 the one who is introduced should make the first remark4 ,letters of ,introduction are fully commented upon and explained in this volume in the ,department on ,correspondence1 where the proper forms for such letters are given4 ,all introductions1 however annoying1 should be received pleasantly and acknowledged fully while under the roof where they are given1 though1 an hour after1 the two might pass one another in speechless silence4 ,this is for the hostess' sake1 and so great is this solicitude on the part of the well-bred that mortal enemies have met and smiled across the mahogany of a mutual friend1 thus preventing the utter chagrin of a hostess who discovers1 by frowning faces and averted gaze1 that her carefully arranged dinner is a partial failure4 ,a ,lady's ,wishes ,should be ,respected4 ,gentlemen rarely ask for introductions to one another1 but1 should a lady1 for any cause1 express a desire to present two men of her acquaintance to one another1 they must1 even if not anxious for the honor1 acquiesce instantly in her request4 ,an introduction given between two visitors calling at the same house need not carry with it any weight unless both parties so desire4 ,at the time1 a bow is the most that is demanded2 afterward1 it is the individual having the most social prestige1 or1 if there is no difference in standing1 the one having most confidence1 to whom this privilege is given of acknowledging or ignoring the introduction4 ,a bowing acquaintance with a person thus introduced cannot in the least injure the social position of an individual4 ,an introduction given on the street needs no after recognition4 ,at the time1 a gentleman simply lifts his hat1 a lady bows1 and that is all4 ,after any introduction 7except the one just mentioned7 never give the cut direct save for very good cause4 ,it is too often an uncalled-for insult4 ,,salutations4 ,the style of salutation differs among nations1 but there have been none yet discovered so low in the social scale as to be entirely destitute of some sign for expressions of respect or fear between man and man4 ,fear is1 perhaps1 the origin of respect1 for every form of salutation among us to-day may be traced back to a source that plainly affirms it to be the survival of some attitude of deference from the conquered to the conqueror1 or some habit of adoration of an unseen ,power4 ,in our own customs of salutation we bare the head in token of respect1 never thinking that in the olden time it was an act of adoration practiced before gods and rulers4 ,our formal bow is simply the modification of a servile prostration1 and the graceful bow of a lady of society is but the last remaining trace of a genuflection4 ,when we rise and stand as our friends enter1 or leave1 our reception-room1 it is an act of respect1 it was once an act of homage4 ,the throwing of a kiss is an imitation of an act of worship that devout ,romans practiced before their gods1 and the wave of the hand to a friend across the street is a modification of the same custom4 ,the removal of a gentleman's glove in shaking hands with a lady is the relic of a habit based on necessity1 and dating back to a day when the knight of old removed his iron gauntlet1 lest he crush the maiden's hand within its grasp4 ,the removal of the glove was practiced between men also at a later date1 when1 too often1 beneath the heavily embroidered gauntlet1 lurked the assassin's dagger1 so that to unglove before a hand-clasp grew to be considered an act of good faith4 ,the bow1 the hand-clasp1 and the kiss are the principal methods of salutation employed by the most highly civilized nations of this era of the world4 ,the bow is the most proper salutation among friends and acquaintances meeting in public4 ,it is also frequently resorted to on private occasions4 ,the bow should never degenerate into a nod2 this is both ungracious and ungentlemanly4 ,the hat should be lifted sufficiently to clear the head1 and the bow1 in the reception room1 should slightly incline the body also4 ,ladies should incline their heads gracefully and smile upon their friends pleasantly1 but not broadly4 ,removing the ,hat4 ,a gentleman should remove his hat from his head with the hand farthest from the person saluted4 ,this turns the hat from instead of towards them4 ,if you see that the person saluted is going to stop to shake hands1 use the left in order to leave the right free4 ,a gentleman1 in giving assistance to a lady in any difficulty 7which should be offered immediately71 should do so courteously1 lifting his hat and requesting the pleasure of assisting her4 ,this rule1 unfortunately1 is much more frequently observed on the ,continent of ,europe than in ,england or ,america4 ,gentlemen meeting and passing ladies on hotel stairs1 or in the corridors1 should lift their hats1 whether acquainted or not4 ,the same courtesy should be observed on entering an elevator where there are one or more ladies1 or in opening a door for a lady and giving her precedence in entering4 ,all these observances1 slight as they are1 mark the thorough gentleman who respects all women1 whether or not there has been a formal presentation between them4 ,in giving up a seat to a lady in a street car1 or a crowded room1 a gentleman will do so with a slight bow4 ,such a kindness should always be acknowledged by the lady with a bow and a polite ,thank you4 ,american women are too prone to take this altogether optional courtesy on the part of men as a matter of course1 deserving no thanks at their hands1 or to look upon its omission as an infringement of their rights4 ,no true lady will ever fail to acknowledge such courtesies4 ,any aid given1 or information furnished1 should also call forth her thanks4 ,a gentleman walking with a lady will salute with a bow any person they may meet to whom she extends the same courtesy1 even should the party be quite unknown to him4 ,where two gentlemen are walking together and they chance to meet a lady with whom one is acquainted and the other not1 both should bow1 the one because of his acquaintance and the other out of respect4 ,the ,privilege of ,recognition4 ,a gentleman should usually wait for a lady to recognize him first on the street4 ,this privilege of recognition is her prerogative4 ,especially is this the case if he is simply the acquaintance of a single evening's entertainment4 ,acquaintances of long standing1 however1 do not wait for such formalities1 usually speaking at about the same moment4 ,when a gentleman and lady are walking together and another gentleman1 also a friend of the lady1 should meet or overtake the couple1 a bow and smile and a word of greeting are all that can be permitted the newcomer1 when he should at once pass on4 ,by doing otherwise he affronts the lady's escort1 and should she1 by word or look1 endeavor to retain him at her side1 she also sins against that conventional code which argues that by her own consent she has granted her company1 for the time being1 to her first escort4 ,as before said1 introductions are not to be given in public places1 but should it happen that a lady walking with a gentleman meet another lady1 and either pause for a few words1 or else walk on beside her for a few steps1 the gentleman1 at her departure1 should lift his hat politely in farewell4 ,if a gentleman should stop a lady on the street for conversation1 and she should be desirous of discontinuing it1 she should bow slightly1 whereupon the gentleman must instantly take his leave4 ,if she should walk on without breaking up the conversation1 he is bound to accompany her4 ,absolute good form1 however1 demands that a gentleman1 wishing to converse with a lady on the street1 should1 instead of stopping her1 turn and walk with her for a short distance in the direction in which she may be going4 ,when the conversation is finished1 he should lift his hat1 bow1 wish her ,good morning or ,good afternoon1 as the case may be1 and retrace his footsteps in the direction in which he was previously going4 ,young ladies show the same deference in awaiting a bow from a woman much their senior that a gentleman does towards a lady4 ,a gentleman1 in bowing to a lady1 if he should be smoking1 removes his cigar from his lips1 and if1 alas6 his hand or hands should be in his pockets1 withdraws them immediately4 ,returning ,salutations4 ,a lady's bow should always be returned by a gentleman2 if he should be determined not to recognize her he should take the pains of crossing the street or in some other manner avoiding the meeting4 ,bows from persons not recognized at the moment should be returned1 as it may be some one1 not recalled at the moment1 yet who has a claim upon your politeness4 ,if the same friend is met several times in the course of a walk or drive1 the first bow is all that is required1 a smile1 or a glance answering all purposes of recognition at after meetings4 ,a gentleman lifts his hat on passing a funeral procession or a group of mourners2 he removes it entirely on entering a church1 and he should remove it on entering a private office2 he should remain uncovered while talking to a lady at a door1 unless1 after the kindly custom of ,french ladies1 she should request him to replace his hat1 on account of wind or weather2 in short1 he should be with uncovered head much more than ,american men are apt to be4 ,gentlemen1 who are acquainted1 should lift their hats slightly upon meeting one another1 but should never fail to do so should either one be walking with a lady4 ,under such circumstances a simple nod would be a slight towards her4 ,a recognition1 by bow or smile1 is not required from opposite sides of the street1 or across hotel dining rooms4 ,gentlemen riding or driving1 and having both hands occupied1 are not compelled to lift the hat on bowing4 ,if saluted by an inferior1 do not fail to return the courtesy in kind1 remembering ,henry ,clay1 who1 when asked why he lifted his hat to an old colored man who had paid him the same deference1 replied1 ,i never allow a negro to outdo me in politeness1 sir4 ,shaking ,hands4 ,gentlemen1 as a rule1 shake hands upon being introduced to one another4 ,the lady of a house usually shakes hands with all guests whom she receives in her house for the first time4 ,gentlemen do not1 however1 offer to shake hands with the hostess1 leaving it to her to put the stamp of cordiality upon the ceremony of introduction1 or to simply pass it with courtesy4 ,if a lady extends her hand to a gentleman1 he does not1 as of old1 remove his glove1 nor does he make use of the out-of-date formula1 ,excuse my glove4 ,at his departure the lady bows her adieu1 but does not again extend her hand4 ,the hand-clasp is a cordial expression of good will1 but there are degrees of cordiality to be observed in the performance of this ceremony4 ,every one knows1 and shudders at1 the woman who gives two1 or at most1 three fingers of a cold and lifeless hand for a moment into your keeping1 and every one recognizes and fears the man who swallows up and crushes the entire hand within his powerful grasp4 ,each extreme is to be avoided4 ,a lady should give her whole hand1 not her fingers2 a gentleman should receive it cordially1 holding it neither too tightly nor too loosely1 shaking it very slightly and not presuming to retain it4 ,should a gentleman sin against any of these particulars1 a lady is justified in refusing to offer her hand next time4 ,a young lady simply gives her hand to a gentleman1 neither pressing nor shaking his1 unless it be in the case of especial friends4 ,two ladies shake hands quietly4 ,both ladies and gentlemen always rise to shake hands4 ,elderly people1 or invalids1 are permitted to excuse themselves and keep their seats4 ,ball-room introductions for dancing do not necessitate hand-shaking1 a bow being all that is required4 ,a very particular introduction1 wherever given1 such as one prefaced by some remark like1 ,i want you to know my friend ,so-and-,so1 merits a hand-shake on your part1 together with some cordial remark4 ,inferiors in social position should always wait until their superiors offer the hand1 never taking the initiative in this respect4 ,this precaution will sometimes save them the pain of a marked slight4 ,words of ,salutation4 ,verbal greetings ought always to be quiet and respectful2 they should never be shouted across streets1 nor called when the parties are at any distance from each other4 ,nicknames should not be used publicly and promiscuously1 in short1 all possible respect should be paid to the feelings of other persons on public occasions4 ,the phrases1 ,good morning1 ,good evening1 ,good afternoon1 ,how do you do8 ,how are you8 are the usual forms employed4 ,sometimes the name of the person addressed is added1 thus3 ,good morning1 ,mrs4 ,smith4 ,replies to these salutations are sometimes simply a bow from a lady to a gentleman1 or perhaps a bow and a repetition of his greeting1 as3 ,good morning1 ,mr4 ,jones4 ,how do you do1 should be replied to by the same phrase1 never1 as is often the case with the novice in social arts1 by3 ,i am very well1 thank you4 ,a special inquiry after one's health1 however1 as3 ,how do you do1 ,mrs4 ,jones8 followed1 after her acknowledgment1 by3 ,how are you8 or1 ,how is your health8 should receive the response1 ,i am very well1 thank you4 ,after an acquaintance has been ill1 the first inquiry by a friend should be one concerning health4 ,this is a rule that should never be neglected2 to do so would be an oversight4 ,kissing is a custom which the code of ,english and ,american etiquette relegates as much as possible to the privacy of home4 ,a kiss1 the outward expression of our closest affection and our warmest love1 should never be made a public show whereat the outside world may smile4 ,hence1 the effusive kissing between girls and women at their meeting and their parting1 is to be regretted as a specimen1 to say the least1 of very bad taste on their part4 ,indiscriminate kissing of children and infants is also objectionable on the score of health4 ,happily1 kisses and embraces among men are never seen in this country1 though1 in some parts of ,europe they are constantly to be observed1 both in public and private4 ,illustration ,illustration3 ,a ,,society ,,ball--,,showing ,,fashionable ,,costumes4 ,,art of ,,conversation ,illustration ,talk often1 says ,lord ,chesterfield1 but never long2 in that case if you do not please1 at least you are sure not to tire your hearers4 ,pay your own reckoning1 but do not treat the entire company3 this being one of the very few cases in which people do not care to be treated1 every one being fully convinced that he has the wherewithal to pay4 ,all other arts pale before the art of conversation as a source of popularity1 and no other accomplishment tends so much toward social success4 ,the contact of many minds is a constant stimulus to mental activity and its outward expression in animated conversation4 ,it lends new power to brilliancy of talent1 and quickens1 to a certain extent1 even the lowest and dullest of intellects4 ,everyone has been surprised and delighted at times by some unexpectedly brilliant remark that has flashed from his lips during the course of some animated exchange of badinage and repartee1 and there is no one but realizes how the mind acquires breadth and the opinions grow tolerant as one converses with persons of intelligence and culture4 ,since1 however1 according to ,cicero1 ,silence is one of the greatest arts of conversation1 there may be added1 with equal wisdom1 to the above counsel1 ,listen often and well4 ,be not an impatient listener1 nor yet an impassive one1 but pay the compliment of attention and interest to the subject in hand1 and your company will be sought as an acquisition4 ,any lady1 by profound attention to1 and a pleased interest in the subject under consideration1 may promote the conversation most skillfully and delightfully4 ,knowledge of the subject is not always necessary4 ,an ,english savant1 deeply interested in ,egyptology1 once escorted a young lady out to dinner4 ,his conversation1 as a matter of course1 turned entirely upon excavations1 hieroglyphics1 and kindred topics4 ,upon all these the young lady was profoundly ignorant1 but1 if unversed in ,egyptian lore1 she was most thoroughly versed in conversational arts1 and1 by her speaking glances of intelligence and her pleased smile1 so fascinated the man of science that he enthusiastically declared afterward that ,miss ,l---- was one of the best conversationalists and the most intelligent young lady he had ever met1 and that her knowledge of ,egyptology was something wonderful4 ,this1 to one who had sat opposite them at table1 and could have vouched that the lady in question had not spoken a single word through the entire dinner1 was slightly amusing4 ,so strong however1 was the impression left upon the mind of the savant by her interested attention1 that it would have been difficult to convince him of the fact4 ,the ,good ,listener4 ,this1 even if an exception1 shows what attentive listening may accomplish toward social success4 ,let it be mentioned here1 however1 that no one individual should be so carried away by a pet hobby as to force conversation into a monologue4 ,a very well bred man1 no matter how great his interest in or eloquence upon any topic may be1 always catches at the slightest hint to close the conversation4 ,a man will always bear in mind that the greatest compliment he can pay a woman is a respectful1 deferential attention to her words4 ,there are men whose very manner of listening conveys1 in itself1 the most delicate flattery4 ,a woman1 in her turn1 should always remember that1 however interesting her conversation may be1 there is always danger that a man may possibly weary of its protracted continuance1 and so she should forebear leaving him no loophole for escape4 ,louise ,chandler ,moulton enjoins one thing on women which they would do well to recollect1 and that is1 if they want a man to stay with them to make it evidently and entirely easy for him to get away4 ,there is something lawless and rebellious in even the best of men2 they hate doing things because they are obliged4 ,suitable ,topics4 ,to render conversation agreeable1 suitable topics for the company present1 if possible1 must be chosen4 ,neither soar above the level of their conversation1 nor sink so far beneath it1 as to lead them to infer that you possess a very slight opinion of their merits4 ,in conversing1 too many educated men fall into the error of talking commonplaces to all women alike1 as if small talk1 to the exclusion of all weightier matters1 were the only species of conversation suited to a woman's ear4 ,on the contrary1 she is more often either hurt or angered at your evident condescension1 or1 on the other hand1 she credits you with just the amount of knowledge that you have evinced in your conversation with her4 ,in the search after suitable topics it is well to remember that all are pleased by a display of interest in their especial affairs4 ,thus1 by leading the artist to talk of his pictures1 the lady amateur of her music1 the prima donna of her successes1 the mother of her children1 the author of his book1 you may rest assured that they will always speak of you as a person of great discrimination and a very interesting conversationalist4 ,they in their turn1 unless extremely devoid of tact and eminently selfish1 will display sufficient regard for your feelings to give an opportunity for waxing eloquent on your part over your own pet topics4 ,be very careful then not to fall into that besetting fault of good talkers1 a monologue1 which is fatal to all conversation4 ,richard ,steele gave a most desirable maxim for conversation when he said3 ,i would establish one great rule in conversation1 which is this1 that men should not talk to please themselves1 but those that hear them--adapting their words to the place where1 the time when1 and the person to whom they are spoken4 ,misuse of ,quotations4 ,do not use classical quotations before a woman unless you know that1 by virtue of a classical education on her own part1 she is capable of appreciating the point4 ,remember1 too1 that there are a great many men who1 not having enjoyed your educational advantages1 are annoyed1 rather than edified by your display of learning4 ,do not make a point of exhibiting your learning aggressively anywhere4 ,classical quotation is the literary man's parole the world over1 says ,dr4 ,samuel ,johnson1 but he savored somewhat of the pedant1 and his imitators1 by too frequent an indulgence in this habit1 may run the risk of aping his pedantry without possessing his genius4 ,neither is it well to interlard conversation with too frequent quotations from ,english authors1 no matter how well they may fit the occasion4 ,this is a habit that easily becomes tiresome4 ,small ,talk4 ,the current change of society is the light coin of small talk that breaks with chink and shimmer the heavy bills of large denomination1 that else would overwhelm social conversation with their size4 ,wiseacres may meet and learnedly discourse on all manner of sage subjects1 but that is discussion1 debate1 argument1 what you will1 not conversation4 ,conversation is light1 brilliant1 and tossed back and forth from one to another with the grace and ease of the feathered shuttlecock4 ,a lady of high literary attainments was seen in a gay gathering sitting quietly by herself in a corner1 and1 being questioned by a friend as to her silence1 replied1 half bitterly1 ,i have no 'small change1' and my bank bills are all of too large denomination for the occasion4 ,this is a difficulty that one should strive to overcome1 for1 after all1 it is small change1 rather than bank bills1 that society in general requires4 ,given the foundation of even a moderate education1 the aspirant for social success will gain more ideas from modern fiction than from any other source whatever4 ,no historian presents the social manners and customs of his time with half the accuracy displayed by our best fiction writers4 ,a well known society woman1 familiar with its usages both at home and abroad1 declares that a course of ,anthony ,trollope is as good as a ,london season1 and we all know that ,howells and ,james and other authors of that ilk have lifted the portires of our own drawing rooms and shown us what is transpiring therein4 ,gail ,hamilton says that to be well-smattered is next best to being deeply learned1 and nowhere can a smattering of almost everything be better gained than from the modern works of fiction4 ,a ,valuable ,source of ,knowledge4 ,a friend of the writer1 a talented elocutionist1 and socially brilliant1 once said with reference to her quiet country home and her sudden emergence therefrom to mingle in ,washington society1 that she found herself perfectly at ease in those circles so widely different from her previous experience of life1 and that she attributed it wholly to her knowledge of social customs and the social atmosphere1 as gained from the best society stories4 ,it was in this manner that she served her social novitiate and the result bore testimony to its efficacy4 ,where one is not quite sure of rising to the occasion it is well to be provided1 before attending a social gathering1 with several topics that will be suitable to bring forward in conversation4 ,many are in the habit of doing this constantly4 ,some new book1 one that created a little sensation1 some course of lectures1 some late theatrical or operatic entertainment1 anything1 in short1 that is generally popular4 ,be careful1 however1 in broaching such subjects not to egotistically give your own opinion at the outset by saying decidedly1 ,i think that book is a perfect failure1 quite absurd in fact4 ,what is your opinion8 ,this course of action1 if your companion is younger or more timid than yourself1 will probably reduce him to the point of having no opinion whatever1 or at least to being afraid to express it1 and the conversation1 as such1 will fail completely4 ,whereas1 if you had quietly asked him if he had read the book1 how he enjoyed it1 etc41 you would have gradually entered upon a conversation wherein you would have drawn out his ideas and at the same time have been enabled to display your own4 ,cultivate ,your ,mind4 ,one of the first requisites of social success is a cultivated mind4 ,you cannot hope to hold your own in society without at least a general knowledge of the events of the last few years in historical1 scientific1 artistic and social fields4 ,such knowledge is easily gained by a little study and a great deal of observation1 the pains taken being more than recompensed by the ease and assurance with which one enters society4 ,if a musician or an artist1 you should be sure to know something of your chosen art aside from the mere technicalities4 ,be well versed in the various schools of painting1 the varied merits of the musical masters of the past and present4 ,be filled with the spirit as well as the technique of your profession and you cannot fail to converse pleasantly upon these subjects4 ,always remember1 however1 not to advance your opinions to the utter exclusion of every one else1 or your companionship will become tiresome to the best of listeners4 ,drawing ,out ,others4 ,the very essence of the art of conversation is to draw others out and cause them to shine2 to be more anxious1 apparently1 to discover other people's opinions than to advance your own4 ,who does not remember gratefully and admiringly the sympathetic people who seem to draw out the very best there is in us--in whose company we appear almost brilliant1 and actually surprise ourselves by the fluency and point of our remarks8 ,such people are a boon to society4 ,no one sits dull and silent in their presence1 or says unpleasant1 sarcastic things before them1 and1 while never seeming to advance any views of their own1 and certainly never forcing them upon our attention1 we involuntarily learn of them and love them1 scarcely knowing why4 ,malebranche showed his knowledge of human nature when he wrote3 ,he who has imparted to others his knowledge without any one perceiving it and without drawing from it any advantage1 necessarily gains all hearts by his virtuous liberality4 ,those who would be loved1 and who have much wit1 should thus impart it to others4 ,the ,passion for ,argument4 ,never permit yourself to be drawn into an argument in general society4 ,nothing can be more provocative of anger on one side or another1 or more destructive to conversation1 than a lengthy and1 too often1 bitter argument4 ,good breeding would suggest that the subject be changed at once before the controversy becomes heated4 ,especially should any debate upon politics or religion be avoided as subjects upon which two seldom agree1 but which are so close to the hearts of the majority as to cause serious annoyance if their pet beliefs are touched upon or questioned4 ,be careful1 also1 not to take the opposite side of every question that is brought up in conversation4 ,wit and ,humor4 ,sidney ,smith once said3 ,man could direct his ways by plain reason and support his life on tasteless food1 but ,god has given us wit and flavor1 and laughter and perfumes1 to enliven the days of man's pilgrimage1 and to charm his pained footsteps over the burning marl4 ,and ,sidney ,smith was so much the life and soul of every social gathering that1 while the ,english language is spoken1 his witty remarks will be quoted with delight4 ,wit1 however1 is too often but another name for sarcasm and ridicule1 that1 like a barbed arrow1 rankles long in the soul of its victim4 ,true humor1 it should be remembered1 is neither scathing nor insolent2 it is simply that bright repartee that someone aptly calls the spice of conversation4 ,hence it would be well to smother the temptation to be witty at the expense of another1 and crush back the brilliant but cutting retort meant only to wound1 not to amuse4 ,evil ,speaking4 ,beware of evil speaking4 ,in the eyes of all right-minded persons much that you have said recoils upon your own head1 for no one has quite the same opinion of an individual after having listened to a series of scandalous stories from his lips4 ,hence1 for your own sake1 as well as for that of others1 eschew the vice of evil speaking as a very pestilence4 ,let young ladies have a care how they speak lightly or contemptuously of one another at any time1 but more especially when conversing with men4 ,nothing1 as a rule1 is more prejudicial to a woman1 in the estimation of a man1 than this all-too-prevalent habit4 ,no matter what the faults of your sister-woman may be1 condone them gently1 or1 if this be impossible1 let a silence that is golden fall about the subject4 ,unhesitatingly acknowledge a woman's beauty or talent1 and1 instead of detracting from your own merits1 it will enhance them in the eyes of all4 ,a young man was once heard by the writer counselling his sister from the depths of his own experience as a social favorite4 ,never1 said he1 say one word against a girl to any young man4 ,it only puts you down in their estimation4 ,say something pretty and complimentary about them if you can2 if not1 keep still4 ,and his advice was words fitly spoken1 that are1 indeed1 like apples of gold in pictures of silver4 ,telling ,stories4 ,stories should never be introduced into general conversation unless they meet several requirements4 ,in the first place1 they should be short and well told4 ,secondly1 they should be new to the company where they are told4 ,nothing is more tiresome than listening to a twice-told tale1 though the height of good breeding is to smile over its tediousness4 ,one way to avoid inflicting this martyrdom is to ask beforehand if any one present has heard such and such a story4 ,then1 in the third place1 it must be straight to the point1 and directly called for as an illustration of the case in hand4 ,illustration3 ,,society ,,is ,,quick ,,to ,,trace ,,the ,,magic ,,of ,a ,,pleasing ,,face4 ,do not tell more than two or three stories or anecdotes in the same evening4 ,never be guilty of relating in company a narrative that is in the least questionable in its import4 ,this is utterly inexcusable1 and1 to so sin1 is to render one's self unfit for social companionship4 ,avoid repetition4 ,if some portion of an anecdote has met with applause1 do not repeat it4 ,its unexpectedness was its only charm4 ,absent-,mindedness4 ,this is a sin against good manners which cannot be too greatly condemned1 being1 as it is1 in some measure an insult to the company in which you find yourself4 ,no one cares to be of so little importance as to find the person addressed totally oblivious of his presence or remarks1 and no one can blame him if1 as ,chesterfield suggests1 finding you absent in mind1 you should speedily find them absent in body4 ,profuse ,compliments4 ,to be endurable1 compliments should be made use of in a very cautious and artful manner4 ,if permitted to degenerate into gross flattery they are far from complimentary to the understanding of the individual addressed4 ,the day1 happily1 is long since past when conversation between men and women was confined to unmixed flattery on the one side and blushing acceptance on the other4 ,that the best flattery is that which comes at second hand1 no one can deny1 yet1 judicious praise is not only acceptable but useful many times in giving the needed incentive1 without which the flagging footsteps might have faltered on their way4 ,contradictions and ,interjections4 ,never be guilty of abrupt contradictions4 ,if you differ decidedly from some given opinion1 soften the expression of your difference by such modifications as1 ,i hardly think so1 or1 ,my idea is rather different1 or1 ,i beg to differ4 ,this is much more polite and less likely to arouse antagonistic feelings4 ,in conversation never allow yourself to fall into the habit of using constantly such phrases as ,you don't say6 ,do tell6 ,did you ever8 ,is that so8 and many others that will come to mind as you recall your own faults in this respect1 and the faults of your friends4 ,an equal avoidance should be cultivated of such interjections as ,say1 ,well1 etc41 with which we often begin our sentences4 ,these habits are all to be condemned and should be corrected as speedily as possible4 ,voice and ,manner4 ,let your voice be low and pleasantly modulated and your enunciation clear1 distinct and musical4 ,all these things are marks of good breeding1 and1 if not yours by birthright1 may be acquired by patience and perseverance4 ,avoid high tones and nasal tones4 ,do not talk rapidly1 or in a hesitating1 stumbling fashion4 ,a partial course in elocution and voice training will work wonders in this direction1 and any one determined to succeed will never regret the time or money so spent4 ,cultivate also1 if shy and timid by nature1 self esteem sufficient to imagine that you are quite the equal of those with whom you are about to meet4 ,this resolution will enable you to say what you wish without fear of mistake1 and without showing too much respect of persons4 ,the above-mentioned elocutionary lessons will also be an aid toward acquiring self-possession4 ,repose of manner should be assiduously cultivated4 ,do not fidget or loll about in your chair1 or twist your fingers constantly1 or play with something while you talk1 or restlessly beat a tattoo with fingers or feet4 ,all such faults render your companionship a burden to those about you4 ,indulge in no facial contortions1 as they rapidly become habits difficult to break and usually leave their traces on the face in lines impossible to efface4 ,lifting the eyebrows1 rolling the eyes1 opening them very widely1 twisting the mouth and opening it so as to show the tongue in talking1 are all disagreeable habits1 that1 once acquired1 can only be broken by ceaseless vigilance4 ,practice talking without moving the facial muscles but slightly4 ,do this before your mirror daily1 if necessary1 and before the same faithful mentor learn to open the eyes less widely1 parting the lids only just so far as to show the colored iris without a glimpse of the white portion1 or cornea1 of the eye above or below it4 ,the time thus spent will result in a change most gratifying to yourself and friends4 ,conversational ,sins4 ,never interrupt a person who is talking4 ,never take the words out of anyone's mouth and finish the sentence for them4 ,to do this is ill-bred and does not bespeak your superior discernment1 but your ignorance of polite society4 ,puns1 unless exceptionally witty1 are to be carefully avoided4 ,young ladies1 especially1 should beware of establishing any reputation for punning4 ,at all events1 puns should never be far-fetched4 ,do not whisper in company2 nothing can be more vulgar4 ,neither should two in a gathering converse together in a foreign language1 not understood by the others present1 or talk blindly in a manner unintelligible only to themselves4 ,should1 however1 a distinguished foreigner to whom the language is almost unknown be among the guests1 it is a mark of courtesy for as many as possible to converse in his native tongue4 ,do not immediately break off the conversation upon persons entering the room4 ,it is too apt to leave the impression upon their minds that the discourse was of them4 ,in carrying on a conversation after newcomers enter the room1 briefly recapitulate what has gone before1 that the thread of the story may be complete for them4 ,look at those with whom you are talking1 but never stare4 ,profanity is the last and most inexcusable sin committed against good manners and propriety4 ,the man who will deliberately use profane language in the drawing-room1 or before women and children1 or aged men1 should be considered without the pale of good society4 ,language coarse in its tendency is open to the same criticism1 and remarks and stories that carry a double meaning cannot be too severely condemned4 ,if it is at any time possible for a woman to receive such a story in its innocent sense1 let her do it1 showing by some remark the light in which it is taken2 otherwise1 she should be apparently blind and ignorant as to its meaning4 ,avoid affectations4 ,in conversation make use of long words as little as possible1 and wherever a short and easily understood one is suitable to express your meaning1 choose it in preference to one of polysyllabic proportions4 ,use of the ,lips and ,facial ,expressions4 ,do not cover the lips with the hand1 or a fan1 while speaking4 ,to do so shows nervousness and a lack of social training4 ,besides this1 much of the expression of the face lies in the mouth4 ,this is shown by all actors1 readers and public speakers1 who1 as a rule1 appear before their audiences with closely-shaven faces1 that no portion of the varying changes of the lips may be lost4 ,never1 if you are a man1 speak lightly of women4 ,nothing so surely lowers your own standard in the eyes of all sensible people4 ,never hurt the feelings of others4 ,never allude publicly to times when you have known them in less affluent circumstances than the present4 ,be very careful to guard against over much laughing4 ,nothing gives a sillier appearance than spasms of laughter upon the slightest provocation4 ,it soon grows into a very disagreeable habit4 ,smile frequently1 if need be1 but be moderate in laughter4 ,a very little reasoning will serve to do this2 and the reflection that few grown people laugh well will aid still farther in curbing the propensity4 ,let your greeting of acquaintances be free from boisterousness and familiarity4 ,do not bring your hand down heavily upon their shoulder1 nor emphasize your sentences with pushes and punches of an active elbow1 nor fling your arms about their necks or shoulders4 ,to some fastidious persons these boorish acts are a positive insult4 ,an affectation of boisterous familiarity more often betrays a feeling of social inferiority than absolute shyness or timidity does4 ,never permit yourself to correct other people in matter or manner1 unless it should be absolutely necessary to protect some one else4 ,under all ordinary circumstances do not betray a confidential communication made you by a friend4 ,set the seal of the confessional upon it4 ,if it should be sorrowful in its nature1 do not mention it even to the friend who has confided it to your keeping unless he or she should first refer to it4 ,it may have been confessed in a moment of confidence and regretted almost as soon as spoken1 hence1 do not revive the memory yourself4 ,control ,your ,temper4 ,keep your temper under all circumstance while in company4 ,even if some remark has been made with plain intent to injure your feelings1 an absolute ignoring of the intended sting will prevent others1 and1 most of all1 the guilty party1 from perceiving the depth of the wound4 ,a true gentleman1 or lady1 is never quick to take offense4 ,never ask impertinent or personal questions1 unless these latter are called for by the nature of the conversation4 ,be careful not to give advice unless it is sought1 and remember then that it is a commodity of which a very little goes a long way4 ,and last1 but not least1 utterly eschew all slang4 ,there are some young ladies who apparently think that a little slang1 to spice their remarks1 is piquant and saucy1 but1 in the majority of cases they so soon overstep the mark and fall into the deplorable habit of constantly and copiously interlarding their speech with all manner of slang phrases1 that one is forced to advocate total abstinence as the only safeguard4 ,the too common habit of exaggeration1 on the part of so many schoolgirls and young ladies is also to be deplored1 a quiet unobtrusiveness of speech always marking the true lady4 ,do not1 in speaking1 too frequently mention your hearer by name4 ,to do so implies either great familiarity on your part1 or social inferiority on theirs4 ,in this latter case it savors strongly of patronage4 ,in speaking to people always give them their proper titles1 as3 ,colonel1 ,doctor ,jones1 ,professor ,gray4 ,never make a practice of saying3 ,that is so1 ,colonel1 but1 ,that is so1 ,colonel ,sharp4 ,in mentioning a married daughter1 unless to a very intimate friend1 give her married title1 as3 ,mrs4 ,miller1 or1 ,my daughter1 ,mrs4 ,miller4 ,in speaking of unmarried daughters1 or of sons 7unless to servants71 give them their ,christian name1 as ,hattie or ,george1 or else mention them1 and this is better before strangers1 as3 ,my daughter1 or1 ,my son4 ,misuse of ,initials4 ,never address persons by their initials1 as3 ,mrs4 ,w41 ,miss ,c41 ,mr4 ,d42 give them instead their full name4 ,neither should you call young ladies1 ,miss ,mollie1 or ,miss ,jennie2 ,miss ,smith1 or1 ,miss ,brown1 being in much better taste4 ,their ,christian names should only be used to distinguish them from other sisters4 ,never address people by their ,christian names unless very familiarly acquainted4 ,this practice savors of ill-breeding and is often very annoying to the person so addressed4 ,in speaking of persons who are absent1 mention them by their last name1 as3 ,mrs4 ,roe1 ,mr4 ,doe1 unless the intimacy is very great2 even then care should be taken not to use their ,christian names too freely among persons to whom they may be strangers4 ,a wife in speaking of her husband should rather say ,mr4 ,smith1 than ,my husband2 but1 above all1 let her refrain from referring to her liege lord as he1 as if the whole wide world possessed no other mortal to whom that pronoun was applicable4 ,husbands should follow the same rules in referring to their wives4 ,be careful not to interlard conversation with sir1 or ma'am4 ,in ,europe these terms are relegated to the use of the lower classes4 ,,visiting ,,cards4 ,illustration ,cards are the sign manual of society4 ,their use and development belongs only to a high order of civilization4 ,they accompany us1 as one writer has justly remarked1 all the way from the cradle to the grave4 ,they begin with engraved announcements of the birth of a child1 then cards for its christening1 and1 later on1 dainty little cards of invitation for children's parties1 until1 in due time1 the girl crosses that line ,where the brook and river meet ,womanhood and childhood sweet1 sets up a card of her own1 and blossoms forth into a young lady4 ,they announce the gaieties1 the pleasures1 the anniversaries of life3 they inquire for us during our illness and sorrow1 they return thanks for our gifts and attentions1 and1 finally1 they commemorate to our friends the last1 sad earthly scene and ring the curtain down4 ,the stress laid by society upon the correct usage of these magic bits of pasteboard will not seem unnecessary when it is remembered that the visiting card1 socially defined1 means1 and is frequently made to take the place of1 one's self4 ,it will be seen1 therefore1 that one of the first requisites for social success is to understand the language1 so to speak1 of the visiting card4 ,with this end in view the following suggestions on the subject have been carefully arranged with due regard to brevity1 accuracy and ease of reference4 ,style of the ,card4 ,the card should be perfectly plain1 fine in texture1 thin1 white1 unglazed and engraved in simple script without flourishes4 ,gilt edges1 rounded or clipped corners1 tinted surfaces or any oddity of lettering1 such as ,german or ,old ,english text1 are to be avoided4 ,a photograph or any ornamentation whatever upon a card savors of ill-breeding or rusticity4 ,have the script engraved always1 never printed4 ,the engraved autograph is no longer considered in good taste1 neither are written cards as elegant as those that are engraved4 ,size of the ,card4 ,the regulation size1 both in this country and ,england1 for a lady's visiting card is three and one-half inches in length and two and one-half inches in width4 ,this oblong form is most generally used1 but there is an almost square shape1 two and a half inches by three1 also in favor1 and especially used by unmarried ladies where the shortness of their name would be too much emphasized in the longer card4 ,for instance3 ,miss ,ray would be quite justified in choosing the square style1 while ,miss ,ethelinda ,crane or ,mrs4 ,algernon ,spencer would find the length of their names displayed to better advantage on the oblong card4 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,j4 ,howard ,ellis ,cards for gentlemen are much smaller than those for ladies4 ,this holds good in both ,england and ,america1 where the required size is three inches one way by one inch and a half the other4 ,illustration3 ,william ,l4 ,smith ,the largest card in use is the one sometimes adopted by the newly-married and engraved with their joint names4 ,thus3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,grant ,,trowbridge may make use of a card four inches long by three and one-half in width1 but a lady and her daughter1 where their names appear together1 should use the first-mentioned oblong size for ladies4 ,engraving the ,name4 ,married ladies make a point of using their husband's name or initials upon their cards instead of their own1 as3 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,b4 ,,cleveland1 ,or3 ,,mrs4 ,g4,b4 ,,cleveland1 ,instead of3 ,,mrs4 ,,grace ,e4 ,,cleveland4 ,it occasionally1 however1 happens that some lady1 unwilling to so lose the identity of her own name1 prefers this latter form4 ,or1 if her family name be an old and honored one1 she frequently retains it1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,grace ,,ethridge ,,cleveland4 ,but1 though the married woman make use of her husband's name1 she has no claim to his titles2 so that while others may address her as ,mrs4 ,judge ,so and ,so1 ,mrs4 ,dr4 ,so and ,so1 she must carefully avoid all such display4 ,let her be comforted1 however1 as her just pride in her husband's honors is easily gratified1 since she is expected1 on all formal occasions1 to leave one of his cards1 wherein his titles are set forth1 with her own4 ,occasionally a lady contents herself with having engraved upon her cards a simple3 ,,mrs4 ,,courthope4 ,this1 however1 is unwise unless the name is a very uncommon one1 and even then1 should there be more than one branch of the family in the vicinity1 the wife of the oldest member of the family only would have a right to make use of it4 ,newly married couples frequently send out for their first cards the largest size mentioned engraved thus3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,holman ,b4 ,,hunt4 ,occasionally they preserve this custom throughout the entire first season4 ,but this is all2 from thenceforth husband and wife have their own separate cards4 ,they may1 however1 be used at times throughout the married life to convey messages of sympathy1 congratulation1 or to accompany gifts4 ,widows have always hesitated about exchanging the beloved and accustomed name upon their cards for their own signature4 ,this1 however1 in many cases1 is a necessity1 especially where there is a son bearing the father's name4 ,this is sometimes thought to be avoided by the use of the distinctive ,senior or ,junior1 a custom obviously wrong1 since after the death of ,francis ,brown1 ,senior1 ,francis ,brown1 ,junior1 becomes at once ,francis ,brown1 and his wife1 ,mrs4 ,francis ,brown4 ,hence1 while we have no such convenient title as ,dowager1 the widowed ,mrs4 ,francis ,brown will be obliged to drop her husband's name in favor of her son's wife and thenceforth appear before the world as ,mrs4 ,mary ,e4 ,brown4 ,where there are no children1 or immediate relatives1 change of title on the part of the widow is a mere matter of sentiment4 ,the black border upon a widow's cards should never be over a quarter of an inch in depth3 more than this savors of ostentation rather than affliction4 ,young ladies1 especially if it is their first season in society1 will find it the best form to have their names engraved upon the visiting card of their mother4 ,thus1 if it is the eldest daughter3 ,,mrs4 ,,wilfrid ,,ferguson4 ,,miss ,,ferguson4 ,if a younger daughter3 ,,mrs4 ,,wilfrid ,,furguson4 ,,miss ,,ethel ,,furguson4 ,and if it should chance that two daughters come out in consecutive seasons both of their names are frequently engraved upon their mother's card1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,wilfrid ,,furguson4 ,,miss ,,furguson4 ,,miss ,,ethel ,,furguson4 ,though it often happens that1 for convenience sake1 by the time the second rosebud is out1 the first has established a cardcase of her own4 ,yet as neither custom nor etiquette sanctions young girls in having cards of their own1 a mother often continues to have the name of her young daughters engraved upon her own card4 ,young ladies should always prefix ,miss to their names1 as3 ,,miss ,,alice ,,creighton ,,wright1 there being a certain forwardness about announcing one's self as3 ,,alice ,,creighton ,,wright4 ,especially is this so among strangers1 the prefix ,miss carrying with it a certain quiet reserve and dignity4 ,the eldest daughter of a family announces herself upon her cards as ,miss ,wright1 unless there are several of the same name in town1 while the others are respectively ,miss ,alice ,creighton ,wright and ,miss ,ethel ,may ,wright4 ,occasionally a card is used for sisters engraved as follows3 ,,misses ,,wright4 ,all pet names are to be avoided upon visiting cards and ,nettie ,cranston very properly becomes ,miss ,annette ,cranston upon her cards4 ,neither are initials good form for young ladies1 though after an unmarried lady has reached a certain1 or rather an uncertain1 age1 she may1 if she choose1 be permitted to place upon her visiting cards3 ,,miss ,a4,c4 ,,wright4 ,if the young lady be motherless she often has her name engraved beneath that of her father1 using not the smaller card of a gentleman but the first given oblong card for ladies4 ,in ,england unmarried ladies1 unless they have reached a very uncertain age indeed1 follow the above fashion1 and quite young ladies leave their chaperon's card as well4 ,this fashion is often followed here1 and when so done signifies that they will be inseparable for the season4 ,address on ,cards4 ,there is much question as to whether the address should be engraved on a lady's card1 some very exclusive circles prohibiting it entirely on a young lady's card and questioning its use for a married lady1 suggesting that in case a young lady desires to give her address to any particular individual it may be easily pencilled on one of her cards for the occasion1 and that married ladies have the privilege of leaving one of their husband's1 with engraved address1 in connection with their own4 ,this custom1 while it may seem an over-nicety to those outside the great centers of metropolitan life1 will be appreciated by all those to whom the ins and outs of city life are familiar4 ,it should be said that while engraving the address is still a mooted question1 except for young ladies1 each individual is at liberty to use her own judgment on the question4 ,cards for ,gentlemen4 ,the size and style of a gentleman's card has been already given1 but a few words as to name and titles will be necessary here4 ,custom1 with reference to the cards that a man must carry1 is considerably less arbitrary than towards women in the same respect4 ,he may use his initials or his full name1 as it pleases him4 ,he may inscribe himself ,mr4 ,john ,smith1 or simply ,john ,smith1 and be quite correct in so doing1 though just now there is a little inclination in favor of the more formal ,mr41 an ,english custom we do well in copying4 ,military1 not militia1 naval and judicial titles1 may always be used4 ,physicians and clergymen have the same privilege2 honorary titles1 however1 should be avoided4 ,a private gentleman would have his card as3 ,,mr4 ,,howard ,,mason1 #bd ,union ,square4 ,if he were a club man1 the club name1 providing it were a very fashionable one1 would take the place of the address1 as3 ,,mr4 ,,howard ,,mason1 ,union ,league ,club4 ,for a military card3 ,,captain ,,arthur ,,coleman1 ,u4,s4,a4 ,for a naval card3 ,,admiral ,,porter1 ,u4,s4,n4 ,a medical man might use the following3 ,,george ,h4 ,,harrison1 ,m4,d4 ,some eminent men go to extreme simplicity1 as1 for instance1 ,mr4 ,webster being all that graced the cards of that celebrity4 ,it is hardly necessary to say that a business card should never be used as a visiting card4 ,a gentleman carries his cards either in his pocket or in a small leather case sold for that purpose4 ,cards for ,receptions4 ,cards used for receptions1 lawn-tennis parties1 afternoon teas1 etc41 in place of more formal invitations1 have been fully described under ,invitations4 ,one example will suffice here3 ,,mrs4 ,,lawrence ,,barrett1 ,july #ast1 at #d4 ,p4,m4 ,the object of the entertainment being written in the corner of the engraved card4 ,cards for receptions are a necessary convenience in this era of lengthy visiting lists4 ,without them there would be no possibility of leisure or of seeing one's friends at their own homes4 ,the following is an example3 ,,mrs4 ,,emmons ,b4 ,,churchill1 ,thursdays4 ,or3 ,thursdays1 ,three o'clock to five1 may be substituted2 the latter form1 however1 usually meaning that a simple afternoon tea will be served on the day mentioned4 ,a young lady never sends out a reception card in her own name alone1 but her name is engraved upon her mother's card or that of her chaperon1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,harold ,,gray2 ,,miss ,,gray1 ,wednesdays1 ,four o'clock to seven4 ,or1 in case of a chaperon3 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,m4 ,,jansen2 ,,miss ,,alice ,,levictoire1 ,wednesdays1 ,three o'clock to five4 ,foreign ,phrases4 ,there are a certain number of ,french phrases that custom has declared shall take the place of that pure ,english undefiled whereof ,spenser wrote4 ,in a few cases these chance to be shorter1 more euphonious1 and more directly to the point than the corresponding ,english phrase4 ,for instance1 the word chaperon1 so important in its signification at the present1 has no adequate ,english translation4 ,below is given an alphabetical list of those phrases in most frequent use1 together with the abbreviations that ofttimes serve in place of the full phrase3 ,,french ,,phrases4 ,,abbreviations4 ,,translations4 ,bal masque ,a masquerade ball4 ,chaperon ,an older woman attending a girl in society4 ,costume de rigueur ,costume to be full dress4 ,dbut ,first appearance4 ,dbutante ,a young girl making her first social appearance4 ,en ville ,e4,v4 ,in town or city4 ,fte ,champtre ,a rural or outdoor entertainment4 ,matine ,a morning or daylight entertainment4 ,matine musicale ,a daylight musical entertainment4 ,musicale ,musical entertainment4 ,pour dire adieu ,p4,d4,a4 ,to say farewell4 ,pour prendre cong ,p4,p4,c4 ,to take leave4 ,protg ,one under protection4 ,repondez s'il vous plait ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,reply if you please4 ,soire ,an evening party4 ,soire dansante ,a dancing party4 ,soire musicale ,a musical entertainment4 ,the term en ville1 when used in the place of city1 in addressing a note that is to pass through the postman's hands1 is a needless and annoying affectation1 since it is hardly to be expected that a knowledge of the ,french language forms one of the qualifications for a letter-carrier's position1 and if delay ensues in delivery1 the writer1 not the carrier1 is to blame4 ,p4,p4,c4 ,cards4 ,in the event of leaving town for a long absence1 ,p4,p4,c4 cards are frequently sent out4 ,this is especially convenient where the length of one's visiting list renders the personal making of farewell calls an impossibility4 ,the cards are sent out upon the eve of departure1 and all persons receiving them are expected1 upon the arrival of the absentee1 to return the courtesy by cards 7which may also be sent by mail7 and by invitations4 ,the ordinary engraved visiting card is used1 and the initials ,p4,p4,c4 7an abbreviation of the ,french phrase to take leave7 are written in capitals in the lower left hand corner of the card4 ,p4,d4,a4 7to say farewell7 is occasionally used1 but is not in general favor4 ,if the address should happen to be engraved in the lower left hand corner1 ,p4,p4,c4 may be written in the lower right hand corner1 either way being permissible at any time4 ,the large card inscribed jointly with the name of husband and wife is frequently used in this connection4 ,p4,p4,c4 cards are especially appropriate where there are no calls due4 ,if possible1 unpaid personal calls should be answered in person on the eve of departure4 ,turning ,down the ,corners4 ,this custom is almost out of date1 and in consequence of the various interpretations liable to be given to the act1 its disuse is a satisfaction to all parties concerned4 ,to briefly explain the custom1 a card turned down at the corner1 or across one end1 signifies that the call was made in person1 and is sometimes very convenient when one wishes it distinctly understood that the card was brought in person1 not sent2 while one folded through the center denotes that the call includes all members of the family4 ,a man should not turn down the corners of his cards4 ,minor interpretations1 such as which end or which corner is to be turned down on different occasions1 even the surviving adherents of the custom do not pretend to agree upon4 ,how to ,leave ,cards4 ,in leaving cards follow the fashion of those who have paid you the same courtesy4 ,if a call has been made upon you1 return it by a call1 as to return a personal visit by the sending of a bit of pasteboard would partake of the nature of a slight4 ,if cards only have been sent you by a servant1 return cards in the same manner by messenger or servant2 if they were sent by mail1 return by mail4 ,if the cards of any of the gentlemen of a house are left1 always leave the cards of any gentleman of your family in return4 ,of course first calls should be made and returned in person1 the card-leaving formalities coming later on4 ,this rule is departed from only by a few ladies whom age1 health1 social or literary duties will excuse from making personal calls4 ,these frequently permit themselves to send out cards in place of a first call1 either accompanying them with1 or immediately following them by an invitation to some entertainment4 ,this attention should receive the same notice as a first call2 cards should be sent in return1 together with an answer to the invitation1 if it is of a nature to require it1 and a personal call must be made thereafter1 unless it was simply an afternoon tea1 and an invitation sent in return speedily as possible4 ,a lady leaves a card for a lady only1 a gentleman leaves cards for the host and hostess of a house4 ,some authorities assert that a man making the first call of ceremony should1 in addition to the first-mentioned cards1 if none of the family are at home1 leave another folded down through the center for the other members of the family4 ,the folding1 however1 is questionable taste and the requisite number of cards would be better left in their original state4 ,cards should be left for the daughters of a house2 if there are sons1 a lady may leave one of her husband's for them also4 ,number of ,cards to be ,left4 ,after this first visit of ceremony it is only necessary to leave one card at any following call throughout the season4 ,as a rule in country towns but one card is left at any call1 unless it is at the first calls of a bride1 when1 if her husband's name is not engraved upon her card1 she leaves one of his with her own4 ,a gentleman and lady calling together and finding the mistress of the house1 only1 at home1 would leave but one card1 that of the gentleman for the master of the house4 ,finding no one at home1 they would leave three cards1 one of hers and two of his4 ,a lady calling under the same circumstances would leave one of her own cards and two of her husband's4 ,when one lady calls upon another1 if the hostess be at home she does not send in her card 7unless she is an entire stranger71 nor does etiquette strictly enjoin her to leave it in the hall1 unless it is upon her hostess' reception day1 when1 on account of the large number of visitors1 it would be difficult to remember all4 ,it then becomes a very desirable custom for a lady to leave a card1 together with two of her husband's4 ,also when the servant is somewhat dull of comprehension as to the name it will be well to send in a card to prevent mistakes4 ,on reception days in very fashionable houses it is the custom to announce the guests by name as they enter the room1 so that cards need not be sent in4 ,never hand your own card to your hostess4 ,if it be necessary1 introduce yourself verbally1 doing so quickly and clearly1 and being sure to mention yourself1 if a young lady1 as ,miss4 ,busy1 elderly1 and even young men are very prone to leaving their cards in the hands of mother1 sister1 wife1 or any other lady of the house for distribution1 though after an elaborate entertainment it is much more indicative of good breeding that a young man should pay his respects in person to his hostess4 ,calls upon ,young ,ladies4 ,young men in this country leave cards for the young ladies of a house1 but they should always leave one at the same time for her mother or chaperon4 ,in ,europe they are never permitted to leave a card for a young lady at all4 ,they call upon the mother or chaperon1 and while they may offer to send for the young lady1 she is never asked after4 ,if a gentleman1 in calling where there are several young ladies1 especially wishes to see one of the number1 he may ask for her1 but1 before the call is over1 should say he would be pleased to see the other ladies2 more especially is there no excuse for ignoring the existence of the mother or chaperon of the young girl4 ,if a gentleman knows the ladies of the house well1 it is not necessary for him to send in a card if they are at home1 unless it be the first call of the season1 when it is well to leave one in the hall4 ,in a household consisting of two or more ladies not closely related a card should be left for each one4 ,when ladies are visiting in a house where the caller1 whether man or woman1 is unacquainted1 he or she always leaves a card for the lady of the house and requests to see her3 a request which she may not grant1 but one which it would be a marked slight to omit4 ,in leaving a card for a friend visiting at a private house1 never write her name upon it2 depend upon the servant1 or whoever opens the door1 to remember for whom it is intended4 ,this is only permissible when your friend is at a hotel4 ,in doing this write the name above yours4 ,when a newly-married man sends cards immediately after his marriage to his bachelor friends it may be expected that he wishes to retain them as such in his new life4 ,upon the reception of these cards they are expected to call upon the bride at once4 ,how to ,send ,cards4 ,cards sent by messenger are enclosed in a single unsealed envelope2 sent by mail this envelope is enclosed within another and larger one which is sealed4 ,cards handed in at the door are received by the servant on a salver to prevent being soiled by handling4 ,when to ,leave ,cards4 ,first ,calls of the season necessitate the leaving of cards4 ,let them be left quietly in the hall4 ,this custom assists the lady of the house in revising her visiting list4 ,letters of ,introduction necessitate that those who have received courtesies in response to such1 should1 upon their departure1 send ,p4,p4,c4 cards to those that have thus remembered them4 ,a ,change of ,residence renders it desirable to send cards by mail to one's friends with the new address engraved thereon4 ,however1 should there be unpaid calls1 the cards to these should be left in person4 ,the ,return from an ,absence1 including any length of time1 should be announced by sending out cards having the address and reception day engraved upon them4 ,where ,p4,p4,c4 cards have been issued previous to departure these should always follow the return4 ,preceding a ,dbut4 ,previous to the date decided upon for the presentation of a dbutante to the social world1 the young girl's mother calls upon those of her friends whom she desires to be present upon the occasion and leaves them her own and her husband's cards1 and1 if she have grown sons1 their cards also4 ,reception ,invitations to a full dress reception are preceded by a call by card upon all the acquaintances to whom the hostess may be indebted4 ,after ,cards is the name applied to those that are sent to friends after a marriage and are engraved thus3 ,,mr4 ,,and ,,mrs4 ,,charles ,e4 ,,smith4 ,later on1 however1 when the bride returns visits1 she usually leaves her own card with her married name engraved upon it1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,charles ,e4 ,,smith4 at the same time leaving her husband's separate card with her own4 ,before ,marriage1 the bride expectant in paying her farewell calls1 leaves her own separate card1 together with that of her mother or chaperon1 with all acquaintances she may wish to retain in her new life4 ,entertainments and ,calls4 ,after ,entertainments1 a card1 in large cities1 is sufficient1 unless it be after a dinner or a wedding reception1 when a personal call is made4 ,if the wedding invitations have been to the church only1 not including the gathering at the house1 some most exclusive people send cards to the bride's parents1 afterwards inviting the young people to their entertainments4 ,but a dinner absolutely requires a personal call4 ,even gentlemen1 usually so remiss in such matters1 are rather expected to leave a card in person after a dinner4 ,any invitation1 however1 coming from a new acquaintance1 necessitates a personal call1 unless the intercourse is not to be kept up4 ,in towns and smaller cities1 a personal call is made after entertainments of any size4 ,after a ,tea a visit is paid and thus the visiting etiquette for a year is established4 ,before the season is over1 however1 the lady1 if she expects to retain her position in society for the next season1 must give a tea1 or a series of teas1 inviting all who have similarly honored her4 ,this must be done before the season closes4 ,where the tea is not attended1 cards should be sent to the house the same day4 ,special ,receptions1 such as those dress affairs given once or twice in a season1 require a personal card4 ,general ,receptions1 or at homes1 given in a series1 the dates of which are all mentioned on one card1 need neither cards nor calls in return4 ,your presence there is a call in itself4 ,a card may be left in the hall upon the day of reception to assist the memory of the hostess4 ,other ,hints4 ,ladies in a strange city1 staying either with friends or at a hotel1 are privileged to send cards1 giving their address1 to any acquaintances1 either lady or gentleman1 from whom they may wish to receive a call4 ,if desirable1 they may send a note in preference1 giving date or hour when they will be at home4 ,special ,pursuits4 ,ladies having special pursuits1 literary1 or professional1 often permit this fact to cover remission in social demands1 in fact do not visit at all4 ,for a ,son1 upon his introduction to society here in ,america1 there is very little display made4 ,his entre is usually very gradual1 but if he has been closely kept at school his freedom from this is often announced by his mother leaving his card with her own when she makes her visits at the beginning of the season4 ,this is taken as a suggestion that1 in future1 his name is to be included among the invited members of the family4 ,cards for an unmarried gentleman should never be left by a lady1 except in the case of his having given an entertainment at which ladies were present4 ,in this case the lady of the house should drive to his door with her own cards and those of her family4 ,names of the young ladies should be engraved for the occasion upon the card of their mother or chaperon4 ,the cards should be sent in by a servant4 ,if a call is made upon a lady's regular reception day1 it is rude to leave a card only1 without entering and inquiring for the hostess4 ,the time spent inside the house may be very brief1 but even a few moments will satisfy the demands of etiquette1 which without these would be rudely violated4 ,cards may be made to accomplish so much of the multifarious duties of society that one can scarcely imagine the social world revolving safely upon its axis without their intervention4 ,far be it from any to look upon the custom as a hollow mockery1 for1 without the system of formal visiting1 or calling1 society as it now stands could not exist4 ,such1 too1 are the complexities of modern existence that life would be all too short for the fulfillment of its demands were it not for these useful bits of pasteboard that do so much of our work by proxy and dispose of our undesirable acquaintances so speedily by the simple cessation1 on our part1 of leaving cards at their door4 ,various ,cards4 ,among the cards as yet not referred to in this department may be mentioned the following3 ,cards of ,congratulation1 such as those sent the parents of a newly-betrothed couple upon the announcement of the betrothal2 those sent the happy parents of a lately arrived son or daughter1 etc4 ,cards of this description should be left in person1 though it is not expected that you should enter and make a formal visit4 ,the leaving in person1 however1 is a compliment4 ,cards of ,betrothal are distributed by the parents of the newly-engaged pair1 leaving their cards with their own on all friends of the family4 ,individuals receiving these cards should call as soon as possible4 ,cards of ,courtesy are sent on many occasions4 ,for instance1 to a house where the children or youth of their family have been invited without including the elders4 ,this is done in acknowledgment of the courtesy extended to their children4 ,again1 a gift however simple1 even flowers1 should always be accompanied by a card of courtesy4 ,the simple visiting card is usually sufficient1 though a ,merry ,christmas1 ,happy ,new ,year1 or ,many happy returns of the day1 may be penciled beneath the name4 ,if there are many words to be written1 however1 a little note of courtesy is far better4 7,see ,notes47 ,the recipient of the gift should answer by a note of thanks1 never by a card simply4 ,cards should also accompany1 or be attached to1 flowers sent to a funeral1 that the family may know friends remembered them in their sorrow4 ,cards of ,inquiry are frequently sent1 or better still1 left in person1 at the homes of friends prostrated by severe illness1 or by recent bereavement4 ,these usually have the words1 ,to inquire1 or ,with kind inquiries1 pencilled above the name4 ,these are many times a source of relief during the weary days of convalescence1 or the heavy hours of seclusion after affliction1 when the voices of friends would be too hard to bear1 but the thought of their loving remembrance yields a healing balm4 ,in cases of bereavement the cards should be sent about one week after the sad occasion that called them forth4 ,acknowledgment of ,inquiry ,cards4 ,cards of ,thanks are usually sent out in reply to these cards of inquiry1 since the answering in any other fashion would prove too great a task4 ,the regular visiting card may be used in this case1 pencilling the words ,with thanks for kind inquiries1 or1 ,with thanks for the kind inquiries of ,mrs4 ----1 beneath the engraved name2 or cards especially engraved for the occasion may be substituted1 thus3 ,mrs4 ---- presents her sincerest thanks for recent kind inquiries4 ,these may be sent by mail1 but really should be carried by special messenger4 ,enclose in two envelopes4 ,there is another method of acknowledging attentions during a period of bereavement1 viz41 the notice in the daily papers4 ,this1 however1 does not usually meet with favor in large cities1 but the example set by ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,secretary ,blaine upon the death of their son1 is1 from its heartfelt pathos1 worthy of imitation4 ,the card appeared in all the ,washington papers as follows3 ,the sympathy of friends has been so generously extended to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,blaine in the great grief which has befallen their household that they are unable to make personal response to each4 ,they beg1 therefore1 that this public recognition be accepted as the grateful acknowledgment of a kindness that has been most helpful through the days of an irreparable loss4 ,birth cards are frequently sent to all friends1 at home and abroad1 as soon as the child is named4 ,one very pretty style now in mind read as follows3 ,,ethel ,,may ,,toucey1 ,half-past twelve o'clock1 ,january #ab1 #ahie4 ,this was enclosed in two small envelopes and sent by mail4 ,these are more especially useful for sending to friends at a distance4 ,christening and ,funeral ,cards are considered in their respective departments4 ,families in deep mourning are not expected to send out return cards under the first year4 ,some prefer1 however1 to send cards of thanks very soon to those who have inquired1 leaving ordinary visiting cards unanswered the usual length of time4 ,illustration ,,visiting ,,customs ,illustration ,the customs of society in regard to visiting or calling1 and the rules that govern these customs1 are well worthy of our attention and care1 since they in a great measure underlie and uphold the structure of our social life4 ,no one1 therefore1 need consider these details trivial or of little account1 since1 according to ,lord ,chesterfield1 ,great talents are above the appreciation of the generality of the world1 but all people are judges of civility1 grace of manner1 and an agreeable address1 because they feel the good effects of them as making society easy and pleasing4 ,length of ,visits4 ,ceremonious visits should always be short1 fifteen to twenty minutes being the outside limit1 and a shorter time often sufficing4 ,even should the conversation become very animated1 do not prolong your stay beyond this period4 ,it is far better that your friends should regret your withdrawal than long for your absence4 ,a lull in the conversation1 a rising from her seat1 or some pretext on the part of the hostess1 or the arrival of a guest1 all give an opportunity for leave-taking which should be made use of at once4 ,the ,art of ,leaving4 ,cultivate the art of leaving2 nothing will contribute more to your social success4 ,it is said of so brilliant a woman as ,madame de ,stal that she failed lamentably in this particular1 and1 on the occasion of her visit to ,weimar1 made with the avowed intention of intellectually captivating the literary lions of the age1 ,goethe and ,schiller1 she made one fatal mistake1 she stayed too long6 ,goethe wrote to ,schiller3 ,madame de ,stal is a bright1 entertaining person1 but she ought to know when it is time to go6 ,it is also evident from her own statement that she did not know how to go4 ,she lingered after she had started1 and if this were an unpardonable sin on the part of so marvelous a woman1 it is surely a capital crime on the part of ordinary mortals4 ,the art of leaving is more thoroughly understood by men than by women4 ,the necessities of business life teach the value of time1 and the press and hurry of city circles teach them the art of leaving quickly1 so that a social call on the part of a business man is a model of good manners4 ,when he has had his say and politely listened to yours1 he takes his hat1 says good day1 and is gone from your presence without giving opportunity for those tedious commonplaces of mutual invitations and promises to come again which seem a social formula with so many women4 ,when ,ready to ,leave1 ,go at ,once4 ,never say1 ,i must go1 but1 when you have finished your visit and rise to depart1 go6 ,never permit yourself to be drawn into touching upon any subject at this critical moment that will necessitate lengthy discourse for yourself and hostess1 or force upon you the awkward alternative of reseating yourself to finish the conversation4 ,there is always a certain awkwardness in thus repeating the ceremony of leave-taking which may be avoided by a quick and graceful departure that leaves both host and guest with feelings of the utmost amiability toward one another4 ,on the other side it is necessary that the host and hostess supplement this laudable endeavor on the part of their guests in order that the departure may be gracefully accomplished4 ,never detain the visitor1 who is attempting to leave1 by protests1 by inquiries1 or by the introduction of new subjects4 ,one writer very pertinently says3 ,the art of leaving on the part of the guest needs to be supplemented by the art of letting go on the part of the host4 ,first ,calls4 ,there is1 possibly1 more difference of opinion on the subject of who shall make the first visit or call and when it shall be made1 than almost any other point of etiquette4 ,at the same time more importance is attached to it than to almost any other social question1 and it touches more uniformly every phase of city or country life than any other canon of courtesy4 ,neither neighborliness1 nor good-,samaritan feeling1 can exist without the civility of a call1 and1 when there is too great a hesitancy on the part of a resident to call upon the newcomer1 one is reminded either of the priest or the ,levite as they passed by upon the other side1 or is forced to recall the parvenue's dread of losing a footing in social circles4 ,common sense and kindliness of heart are always to be relied upon in matters of this nature1 and the initiative may safely be taken by those who have social position1 age1 or length of residence on their side4 ,of course in large cities the immense demands of social life give a certain immunity from anything like promiscuous calling to those whose circle of acquaintance has already grown beyond the limits of their time4 ,in towns and villages1 however1 no such immunity exists1 and a call may be easily made1 or a card left1 while1 on the other hand1 should the new acquaintance prove pushing1 or in any way obnoxious1 one simply ceases to leave one's cards and the evil is done away with4 ,many elderly ladies1 and others whose time is very much occupied by social or other duties1 excuse themselves from calling customs4 ,under such circumstances1 they frequently send their cards1 accompanied by an invitation1 to newcomers younger in years1 thus entirely omitting the personal visit4 ,such invitations1 whether accepted or not1 should be honored in the same manner as if preceded by a call4 ,if two people meet pleasantly at a friend's house and wish to continue the acquaintance so begun1 let them not hesitate1 should none of the before-mentioned distinctions exist1 as to which should make the first visit4 ,still1 it is ofttimes wise not to call too hastily upon the newcomer1 especially in cities1 where it is well first to be properly introduced1 and further still to have some assurance that your acquaintance is desired by them as well4 ,as before stated1 priority of residence1 age1 or pre-eminence in social position1 should properly be upon the side of the one making the first advances4 ,if none of these exist1 let the braver of the two break the social ice4 ,the etiquette of summer resorts demands that the owners of cottages call first upon renters1 and afterward that both unite in calling upon later comers and arrivals at hotels or boarding houses4 ,of course1 such intercourse is simply for the pleasure of the time being1 and carries with it no responsibility of recognition in the future1 unless such recognition should be satisfactory to both parties4 ,it would be well for the summer girl and the summer young man to remember this canon whereby society guards the doors of its exclusiveness1 enjoy the good that the gods give and expect no more4 ,substitute for ,first ,call4 ,in continental countries1 and in cosmopolitan ,washington1 newcomers make the first advances themselves1 leaving cards with those whom they wish to number among their acquaintances4 ,every one returns these cards1 and invitations flow in upon the aspirant for social honors4 ,this custom1 unfortunately1 does not hold good anywhere else in this country1 though a polite expedient is sometimes adopted by persons entering upon life in a new city4 ,this consists in the newcomer sending out her cards for several reception days in a month4 ,these may be accompanied1 or not1 by the card of some friend well known in social circles1 if such she have1 to serve as voucher4 ,if not1 she relies upon her own merits and sends out her cards unaccompanied4 ,according to the varied authorities recommending this course of action1 those rudely ignoring this suggestion are few in number1 and the lady is permitted at once to feel that she has commenced her social career4 ,morning and ,evening ,visits4 ,any visit made between the hours of twelve and six is to be looked upon as a morning visit1 though there is a little difference in various cities with regard to the exact time4 ,where one expects to touch upon reception hours1 from three to five is usually a safe limit4 ,in country towns or the small cities1 from two to five are the usual hours for paying visits4 ,evening visits should be made between the hours of eight and nine1 and ordinarily should never extend in length beyond the hour of ten4 ,sunday ,visits4 ,gentlemen are permitted to call upon lady friends1 ,sundays after church and ,sunday evenings1 business cares being their excuse for not availing themselves of the other days of the week4 ,of course1 if there exists any known objection in the family to ,sunday visiting all their friends are bound to respect it4 ,reception ,days4 ,if a lady have a known reception day1 callers are bound1 in common politeness1 to make their visits1 as far as possible1 upon that day4 ,if this is not done1 either a card only should be left1 or1 if a personal visit is intended1 particular instructions should be given to the servant to the effect that if ,mrs4 ,brown is otherwise engaged she is not to trouble herself to come down4 ,for which thoughtfulness1 ,mrs4 ,brown1 if she be a busy woman1 and troubled with many social cares1 will cordially thank you4 ,unfortunately1 it often happens that many of our friends have the same reception day1 and one's own day may conflict with that of one's nearest friend1 so that1 where the circle of acquaintance is large1 much good nature1 a few apologies and a great many cards are needed to safely balance the social accounts4 ,it is considered a rudeness to simply leave a card1 when one happens to arrive upon a lady's reception day1 without entering the room for a few moments' visit4 ,not at ,home1 ,engaged4 ,the simple and necessary formul of1 ,not at home1 or ,engaged1 are more frequently questioned than any other social custom4 ,nevertheless their use is often a necessity1 while1 on the contrary1 their abuse is to be regretted4 ,no suspicion of an untruth need apply to either1 for the phrase1 ,not at home1 is used with the accepted signification of1 ,not at home1 for the time being1 to any visitors4 ,if1 however1 conscience rebels against this so transparent fraud1 there is always the alternative of ,engaged1 which carries not the least suspicion of deception with it1 but is somewhat less gracious to the ear4 ,indeed1 were it not for these safeguards1 the woman of society must bid good-by to all opportunities for solitude1 self-improvement1 or the fulfillment of her own social duties4 ,the servant should be very carefully instructed each morning as to the formul to be employed through the day1 or such portion of the day as the lady of the house shall require to herself4 ,no lady1 after a servant has informed her that the mistress of the house is not at home1 will question as to her whereabouts1 or the probable length of her absence4 ,if she should so far forget her dignity1 the well-trained servant will answer all inquiries with a respectful1 ,i do not know1 ,madame1 adding1 if such be the case1 ,mrs4 ,brown receives on ,thursdays4 ,should a servant show evident hesitation upon receiving your card1 and say1 ,i will see if ,mrs4 ,brown is in1 enter the parlor1 at the same time saying1 ,if ,mrs4 ,brown is otherwise engaged1 or going out1 beg her not to trouble herself4 ,never1 except upon urgent necessity1 insist upon pencilling a word or two upon a visiting card and sending it up1 where a lady is engaged1 as a demand upon her attention4 ,if a servant has said the lady is not at home1 she has a perfect right to refuse the message4 ,in suburban towns and small cities1 where reception days are not common1 the lady of the house must be very careful how and when she denies herself to visitors4 ,indeed1 in all cases much discrimination must be shown in this respect1 as great inconvenience may result1 and some injustice be done1 by an indiscriminate denial4 ,but1 as before said1 in towns1 it is better1 if possible1 to receive guests4 ,even if no servant is kept1 the mistress can usually1 by the exercise of a little care1 keep herself neat and presentable4 ,if at any time some slight alterations are necessary to the toilet1 let the interval thus employed be very short4 ,some one has said that it would be well for a lady having a reception day to devote a part of the morning of the same day to business calls1 and to instruct her servants to inform all comers of this custom4 ,visiting ,list4 ,it is well for all ladies having a large list of acquaintances to keep a carefully revised visiting list to assist their memories as to addresses1 names of persons to invite1 reception days of acquaintances1 and1 if possible1 a list of their own ceremonious visits for the season1 noting those that have been returned4 ,the time thus expended is amply repaid by the convenience of reference and the avoidance of the possibility of making a second visit when the first is unreturned4 ,also this list serves as a basis for the visiting list of the next season2 those having failed to return calls or cards being dropped from the new list4 ,visits ,between ,ladies and ,gentlemen4 ,a gentleman1 as a rule1 should not ask a lady for permission to call upon her4 ,it is very easy for her1 if she desires his company1 to say3 ,i receive ,thursdays1 or1 ,i shall be at home ,monday4 ,it is a great discourtesy for a gentleman not to call at the time mentioned1 or in a very few days1 after being thus invited by a lady4 ,some gentlemen1 if simply asked to call sometime1 will ask1 when may ,i have the pleasure of seeing you8 ,to this question a definite answer should be returned1 if possible4 ,very young ladies do not thus invite gentlemen2 the invitation coming from either father1 mother1 or chaperon4 ,a gentleman does not call upon a lady without some intimation of her wishes in the matter1 unless he is the bearer of a letter of introduction1 or is taken to her home by some friend sufficiently well acquainted to warrant the liberty4 ,he may1 however1 seek an introduction through some mutual acquaintance4 ,ladies may express regret at being out when a gentleman called2 he also should regret the absence4 ,if it should happen that a gentleman should call several times in succession and be so unfortunate as to miss the lady each time1 it would be quite proper for her to write him a note1 regretting her absence and appointing an evening when she would be at home for his next call4 ,this would remove any feeling of annoyance on his part that perhaps her absence had been premeditated4 ,gentlemen frequently call upon their married lady friends1 doing so without the slightest appearance of secrecy and with full knowledge of all parties concerned4 ,indeed1 the right of entrance to some of these pleasant home parlors is a great boon to the unmarried men of our cities4 ,ladies do not call upon gentlemen except professionally or officially1 or1 it may be1 in some cases of protracted invalidism4 ,out of ,society4 ,it sometimes happens that a newly-married lady1 or a newcomer in some city1 through severe illness1 a season of mourning1 or devotion to home duties1 finds herself1 in a year or so1 completely out of a society with which she had scarcely become acquainted4 ,if she be timid and non-assertive1 she will sink back dismayed at the prospect1 but if energetic and aspiring1 she will at once win her way back by giving a series of receptions1 either formal or informal1 to all her old-time friends2 or1 by entering into charities1 or joining literary or musical clubs1 she will quickly reinstate herself in the memory of society4 ,conduct of the ,hostess4 ,a hostess does not necessarily advance to receive her guests1 simply rising and moving forward a step in order to shake hands 7if she should so wish71 remaining standing till they are seated1 and1 if possible1 keeping the latest comer near her side4 ,gentlemen should always permit the lady to make the first advance in the matter of hand-shaking4 ,it is her prerogative4 ,as the guests depart1 the hostess does not accompany each one to the door1 but rising1 remains standing until the guests have quite left the room1 when it is to be supposed they will be met by a servant4 ,in country towns the hostess usually accompanies the guest to the door1 if there are others present1 excusing herself to them and remaining out of the room but a moment4 ,entertaining ,callers4 ,where there are several guests in the room at once the hostess should try to make the conversation general and pay equal attention to all1 save that for a few moments1 the latest arrival engages her more intimately1 or some guest of great intellectual or artistic genius may be honored among the rest1 as a lion of the hour4 ,if you should chance to find1 at once1 in your reception room1 two friends with whom you are upon equal terms of intimacy1 treat them with the most absolute impartiality1 being demonstrative toward neither1 for there is too much truth in the saying that there is always a feeling of jealousy on the part of each1 that another should share your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves4 ,there are other occasions where the same care against wounding their feelings should be observed4 ,if there should be any preference with regard to seats1 one suggestion is that a lady should be seated on a couch or sofa1 unless advanced in years1 when she should be asked to accept an easy chair2 an elderly gentleman should be treated in the same manner4 ,if a young lady should be occupying a particularly comfortable seat1 she must at once arise and offer it to an older lady entering the room4 ,should the hostess1 upon the arrival of occasional visitors1 be engaged upon work requiring any attention1 she must at once relinquish it2 but should it be light1 ornamental1 and not at all confining1 she may continue it1 if so requested4 ,it would be well1 however1 to drop it at intervals1 lest it appear as if there were more interest in the work than the visitor4 ,refreshments are not offered to visitors unless it is a regular reception day with afternoon tea4 ,conduct of the ,guests4 ,if a visitor on entering the room finds that name or face has not been remembered by the hostess1 let the difficulty be rectified by the guest pronouncing the name instantly and distinctly1 the hostess1 on her part1 to remember names and faces4 ,a bad memory is inconsistent with good manners4 ,in very fashionable houses a servant announces the name of each guest as they enter1 thus saving any confusion4 ,should you find yourself ushered into a room where there are several inmates1 all strangers1 ask for the individual you wish to see and introduce yourself distinctly4 ,if your friend is at a hotel1 wait in the parlor until the servant who carries up your card has returned to tell you whether you can be admitted4 ,never follow him as he goes to make the announcement4 ,a little formality is the best preservative of friendship4 ,if1 while you are paying a visit1 other guests arrive1 you should1 providing your stay has been sufficiently long1 arise so soon as they are quietly seated1 make your adieus to your hostess1 bow politely to the other inmates of the room and take your departure4 ,if you should be calling upon a lady and meet a lady visitor in her drawing room1 you should rise when that lady takes her leave4 ,the style of conversation should always be in keeping with the circumstances under which the visit is made4 ,common sense alone should teach us that where a short morning call is in question1 light1 witty and quickly-changed subjects only should be entered upon1 the nature of the case plainly prohibiting discussions on many topics4 ,gentlemen are expected not to use classical quotations before ladies without a slight apology and a translation1 unless they are aware that the lady's educational training has made it possible for her to appreciate them4 ,it would be well if they would use the same courtesy toward other men not gifted like themselves4 ,for a general maxim1 it may be here recommended not to air one's classical learning unnecessarily1 lest it savor of pedantry4 ,guests should greet their hostess cordially1 but a bow is usually sufficient to include the others present4 ,young ladies visiting a strange city should not receive calls from a gentleman without requesting the privilege from their hostess1 and hostess and daughters should be introduced to him4 ,always avoid the slightest appearance of seeming to use your friend's house for a rendezvous4 ,deference to ,ladies4 ,a gentleman rises when ladies leave the room4 ,ladies bow if it is a gentleman1 rising if it is a lady acquaintance1 or a lady much older than themselves4 ,a gentleman rises when ladies enter a room1 but never offers them his chair unless there should be no other in the room4 ,a gentleman carries his hat and cane into the drawing room with him in making a visit4 ,his hostess should no more offer to relieve him of them that she would take fan and handkerchief from the hands of her lady guests4 ,if he wears an outer coat he leaves that in the hall2 if there should be no hall the hostess may ask him to put it on a chair or in another room4 ,his hat and cane he either holds if he chooses1 or places beside him on the floor1 never on a chair or other article of furniture4 ,if he intends spending the evening1 he can1 if he choose1 leave hat and cane in the hall4 ,gentlemen should never bring friends with them to call upon ladies unless they have first received permission from them so to do4 ,after escorting a lady on the previous evening the gentleman should make a call upon her the following day1 if possible4 ,gentlemen should not consult their watches during a ceremonious visit4 ,if some pressing engagement should render this necessary1 they should offer both an apology and an explanation4 ,a gentleman1 unless invited1 should never seat himself beside his hostess1 but should take the chair pointed out to him4 ,gentlemen1 in receiving other gentlemen1 go to the door to meet them and furnish them with seats4 ,the man of the house should escort ladies to their carriage1 should they call while he is at home4 ,if it be raining or otherwise disagreeable1 and they have their own coachman1 they should1 however1 beg him not to trouble himself4 ,gentlemen should decline an invitation to spend the evening when making a first visit2 indeed1 such an invitation should never be given4 ,a man is usually asked to repeat his visit by the mistress of the house1 not by the daughters1 or else it is given by their chaperon4 ,what ,not to ,do4 ,do not1 according to the author of ,don't1 be in haste to seat yourself2 one appears fully as well and talks better1 standing for a few moments4 ,a man should always remain standing as long as there are any women standing in the room4 ,a man should never take any article from a woman's hands--book1 cup1 flower1 etc4--and remain seated1 she standing4 ,this rule is an imperative one2 he must always rise to receive it4 ,do not take young children when making formal calls2 the hostess will be in terror as to the fate of her bric--brac1 and the mother in dread as to what her young hopefuls may say or do4 ,do not take pet dogs with you into the drawing room4 ,their feet may be dusty1 they may be boisterous in expressing their feelings1 and besides1 some people have a perfect aversion to dogs1 so that your visit1 thus accompanied1 is likely to be far from pleasant4 ,do not meddle with1 nor stare at the articles in the room4 ,do not toss over the cards in the card receiver1 if there be one1 and1 while your name is being announced1 do not wander impatiently around the room handling everything within reach4 ,do not loll about in your chair1 if a gentleman 7a lady scarcely needs this caution71 keep your feet squarely in front of you1 not crossing them2 ladies would do well to heed this also4 ,do not torment pet dogs or cats1 or tease the children4 ,do not call the length of the room if you wish to address any one1 but cross the room and speak to him quietly4 ,neither should you whisper to some one of the company1 twist or curl your thumbs or hands1 or play with the tassels on the furniture or window curtains1 or commit any of the thousand and one blunders that mark the underbred and nervous visitor and render his presence an unwelcome trial4 ,there are a few other rules that would seem unnecessary to mention here were it not that they are so constantly sinned against4 ,among others it may be suggested not to do anything disagreeable in company4 ,do not scratch the head or use a toothpick1 earspoon or comb2 these are for the privacy of your own apartment4 ,use a handkerchief whenever necessary1 but without glancing at it afterwards1 and be quiet and unobtrusive in the action as possible4 ,do not slam the door1 do not tilt your chair back to the loosening of its joints1 do not lean your head against the wall1 as it will soil the papering2 in short1 do unto others as you would be done by4 ,do not tell long stories1 more especially if they are about yourself2 do not argue2 do not talk scandal1 and be sure not to attack the religious beliefs of any one present4 ,do study the chapter on the ,art of ,conversation1 and cultivate1 as much as possible1 that self-repose of manner that is1 above all things1 a sign of the lady or gentleman4 ,the ,reception-,room4 ,the arrangement of the reception-room itself has much to do with the pleasure of the visitor4 ,who does not remember those delightful parlors where the guests dropped into pleasant conversational groups as by magic1 and contrast them mentally with those other chilly apartments where a sort of mental frost seems to settle over one's faculties and incapacitate them for use4 ,much of this may be avoided by a judicious arrangement of chairs and couches1 just where people drop naturally into easy groups1 or1 for the time being1 surround their hostess4 ,propinquity is a great incentive to pleasant conversation1 for there are few people that can talk the pretty nothings and sparkling witticisms1 whereof parlor conversation properly consists1 across space to people stranded against the opposite wall4 ,therefore let the hostess1 who would have her symposiums remembered with delight1 see to it that she has an abundance of chairs1 both easy and light1 easy ones for the refreshment of the weary in body and light ones that may be quickly moved when the spirit moves toward some other group4 ,a clever woman1 to whom all social arts were long-solved problems1 once said that she always observed how the chairs were left in a drawing room where several people had been sitting and put them in the same position next time4 ,a group near the door where the casual caller will naturally drop into one and the hostess into another1 without the least effort1 will be placed in the best possible position for a little chat4 ,fulfill these conditions and your drawing room will be often filled and the fame of it will go abroad4 ,formal calls1 as a rule1 are at best but a duty performed that brings a satisfaction in itself1 but it sometimes happens that1 as a reward for our well-doing1 some word may be said1 some friend may be met by a happy chance that is like a gleam of sunshine on a cloudy day4 ,illustration ,,invitations ,,formal ,,and ,,informal ,illustration ,there are certain rules to be observed in the writing of invitations that cannot be transgressed without incurring a just suspicion as to the degree of one's acquaintance with the laws and canons that govern our best society4 ,for instance1 ,mrs4 ,john ,doe issues invitations for a ball or evening party2 these1 if issued in her own name or in the name of herself and daughter1 or lady friend1 would1 very properly1 find them at home on a certain evening4 ,should1 however1 the invitations be sent out in the name of herself and husband1 then it is that ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,doe request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,richard ,roe's company at a certain date4 ,we will also find that ,mr4 ,dick ,roe is never at home1 but requests the pleasure of your company4 ,to widely depart from any of these received canons of etiquette is to commit a decided solecism and to discover an utter unfitness for the desired social rank4 ,fortunately1 there is no need1 even for those not to the manor born1 of displaying any ignorance in this matter when the simple consultation of a standard work on social etiquette will give the needed information and save the credit of the individual4 ,at first sight1 it would seem a very easy thing to invite a friend to come to you at a given day and hour1 and to accept or decline said invitation would appear a matter scarcely worth considering4 ,this rash conclusion1 however1 disappears from view when it is recollected that the proper phrasing1 the suitable signature1 and the appropriate paper1 are all matters of the nicest choice1 and indicate with the most unerring accuracy the good or ill breeding of the parties interested4 ,from two to three persons only are invited from one family to the same entertainment1 and1 in the event of a small dinner party1 two would be the limit4 ,the invitations would be addressed1 not to ,mr4 ,coates and family1 but one to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,coates1 another to ,the ,misses ,coates1 or to ,miss ,coates4 ,if there are brothers1 and they are to be invited1 a separate invitation is required for each one of them2 a single one addressed to the ,messrs4 ,coates being considered in bad taste4 ,to one son and one daughter a joint invitation may be extended in the name of ,miss ,coates and ,brother4 ,on rather informal occasions where the family1 and perhaps their guests also1 are desired to be present1 the invitation may be sent in the name of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,james ,b4 ,coates and ,party4 ,note ,paper for ,invitations4 ,note paper for invitations should be plain1 unruled1 heavy in texture1 creamy-white in tint1 and of a size to fold once to fit the large1 square envelope of the same size and tint4 ,monogram1 if used1 or crests1 if they may be rightfully claimed1 should be stamped or embossed in white directly in the center of the upper portion of the sheet and on the upper flap of the inner envelope only4 ,this envelope should bear the name simply of the invited guest1 and is to be enclosed in a perfectly plain1 somewhat larger envelope1 which bears the entire address and protects the enclosure from the soil of frequent handling by postman or messenger4 ,invitation ,cards4 ,invitation cards1 if they are used1 should be heavy1 creamy-white1 and of a size to fit the large1 square envelope4 ,such a card is sufficiently large to contain any ordinary invitation1 and should be enclosed1 as above1 in two envelopes4 ,writing the invitation should receive the greatest care1 especial attention being given to securing each phrase a line to itself4 ,for instance1 the names of host and hostess should never be separated1 but given an entire line1 the same rule applying to the names of the invited guests4 ,invitations written in the third person should always be replied to in the third person1 care being taken to permit no change of person from beginning to end of the note4 ,this rule holds good in whatever person the invitation may have been written2 regrets or acceptances must be sent in the same manner4 ,no one1 nowadays1 presents his 7or her7 compliments in giving or accepting an invitation2 neither is your polite invitation any longer the best form4 ,your kind1 or your very kind invitation1 being the most graceful manner of acknowledging the courtesy extended4 ,written ,regrets4 ,always1 if possible1 accept a first invitation if the new acquaintance is to be kept up4 ,in case inexorable circumstances prevent this acceptance1 the regret sent should explain these circumstances fully and be very cordially written2 while the earliest opportunity must be taken of extending some courtesy in return4 ,even should you not desire the acquaintance1 your regrets should be courteous and cards should be left at the house in response to their civility4 ,it is then at your own option whether or not to acknowledge the acquaintance farther4 ,invitations can be written or engraved on the large cards1 or small sheets of note paper1 that are used for this purpose1 though1 on all formal occasions1 engraved forms in clear1 fine script are preferable1 and for weddings absolutely necessary4 ,if written1 black ink should be invariably used4 ,a young lady never sends out invitations in her own name2 instead1 ,mrs4 and ,miss ,hoyt are at home1 or the name of the young lady's chaperon appears with her own1 as3 ,mrs4 ,haviland and ,miss ,hoyt1 at home1 etc4 ,uninvited ,guests4 ,should it so happen that an uninvited guest finds1 accidentally1 his way into the festivities1 let the strictest politeness mark his reception1 neither word nor glance betraying the slightest surprise at the unexpected arrival4 ,inviting ,married ,people4 ,a married man should never be invited to an entertainment without his wife1 nor a married woman without including her husband also in the invitation4 ,an invitation erring in this particular should be looked upon as an insult1 and should never be honored by an acceptance4 ,this category1 however1 does not include gatherings1 such as ladies' luncheons or gentlemen's game suppers1 that are wholly confined to the members of one sex4 ,dinners4 ,ladies who give many dinner parties usually keep on hand the engraved invitation cards1 with blanks left for the insertion of name and date4 ,the invitation for a dinner party is always sent out in the name of both host and hostess1 and the usual form is as follows3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,grant ,white ,request the pleasure of your company at dinner1 ,on ---- evening1 ----1 ,at eight o'clock4 #ha ,graceland ,court4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,the letters ,r4,s4,v4,p4 are simply the initials of the ,french words1 ,repondez s'il vous plait1 meaning1 ,reply1 if you please4 ,some very stylish people now use1 in place of these letters1 the ,english phrase3 ,the favor of answer is requested4 ,written invitations1 or those engraved for a single occasion1 would read as follows3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,philip ,vance ,request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,otis ,sullivan's ,company at dinner1 ,on ,tuesday1 ,march #fth1 at #h o'clock4 #cd ,ashland ,boulevard4 ,the favor of an answer is requested4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 can be substituted for the last phrase1 if desired4 ,if the host be a widower with a young lady daughter1 the invitation can be issued in the name of father and daughter1 as3 ,mr4 and ,miss ,van ,vleit1 etc41 or1 a lady and her daughter1 under similar circumstances1 would issue invitations in the name of ,mrs4 ,holt and ,miss ,holt4 ,persons who make a point of strictly observing the usages of polite society are extremely careful1 having received any invitation1 to take immediate notice of it1 according to proper form4 ,this is only a courtesy due to the one who has sent the invitation1 which should be accepted or declined promptly1 in order that the hostess may know what to depend upon4 ,if the dinner party is given to introduce either a friend or some person of distinction1 an extra card1 inscribed as follows1 is enclosed in the same envelope3 ,to meet ,,mr4 ----4 ,another form would be3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,jackson ,request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,brown's ,company at dinner1 ,to meet ,robert ,browning1 ,thursday1 ,october #hth at seven o'clock4 #fib ,arch ,street4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,it is well1 if the party is given in honor of some celebrated person1 to give them the choice of several dates before issuing the general invitation1 thus assuring yourself that no conflicting engagement will rob the entertainment of its bright1 particular star4 ,an invitation to a dinner is the highest social compliment that can be offered4 ,it should be sent out about ten days in advance1 and requires an immediate and positive answer1 for it is to be supposed that the hostess wishes to make up her table at once4 ,both invitation and answer should be sent by messenger2 all other invitations1 and replies to the same1 may be sent by mail4 ,in ,london1 however1 where distances are so great1 all invitations1 without exception1 are sent by post4 ,in case of an informal dinner1 a verbal invitation is sometimes sent1 one or two days beforehand1 by a servant1 and a verbal answer is given at the time4 ,the principal objection against this method is that the date1 having no written reminder1 may be confounded with some other engagement4 ,where the affair is not too stately1 an informal invitation1 written in the first person1 may be pleasantly exchanged between friend and friend4 ,for instance3 ,,my ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,roe3 ,my aunt1 ,mrs4 ,le,fevre1 of ,new ,york ,city1 is here with me for a short stay1 and ,mr4 ,doe and ,i hope that you and ,mr4 ,roe can give us the pleasure of your company at dinner1 on ,tuesday1 ,october ninth1 at seven o'clock1 when1 with a few other friends1 we hope to pass a pleasant hour in your society4 ,cordially yours1 ,,marian ,,doe ,mrs4 ,marian ,doe1 ,st4 ,caroline's ,court4 ,asking for ,invitations4 ,asking for invitations for one's visiting friends1 while permissible on some occasions1 such as requesting the favor of bringing a gentleman to a ball where dancing men are always at a premium1 or an unexpected guest of your family to a reception or evening party1 should never be resorted to when a dinner party is in question1 for1 to gratify the request would1 in all probability1 throw the whole of a carefully arranged table into disorder4 ,this rule is only to be broken when the guest to be included is some really celebrated character whose addition to the company would compensate for the extra covers to be laid and the re-arrangements to be made before the unexpected guest can be accommodated4 ,no one1 however1 should feel offense when a request of this nature is refused4 ,the hostess1 in all probability1 had good and sufficient reasons for her course of action4 ,invitations for a married couple should never be requested4 ,evening ,parties1 ,balls and ,at ,homes4 ,invitations to these entertainments are issued in the name of the hostess only1 and are sent out from ten days to two weeks in advance4 ,informal occasions1 however1 give very short notice1 and it is well to use the word informal in the invitation1 that guests may not put themselves to inconvenience as regards dress4 ,it must be remembered that this term is too often misleading in its nature1 and many a sensitive guest has been seriously annoyed by finding herself1 after a too literal interpretation of the informal character of the entertainment1 in a crowd of gay butterflies1 a misuse of the word that should be seriously protested against4 ,invitations to evening parties and private balls are less elaborate than formerly2 the word party or ball is never used unless on the occasion of some public affair1 such as a charity ball1 but any especial feature of the evening may be mentioned in the invitation4 ,to an evening party where dancing may1 or may not1 be a feature of the entertainment1 the following1 either engraved or written on a small sheet of note paper1 is a very good form3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,stuyvesant ,wentworth ,requests the pleasure of the company of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,mark ,cowden1 ,on ,wednesday evening1 ,july #dth1 ,at nine o' clock4 ,informal4 ,all invitations are to be considered as formal unless the word informal appears on the card4 ,if the card states that the entertainment is to be informal1 the invited guest is fully justified in considering it so1 and dressing accordingly4 ,neither host1 hostess1 nor other guests can take any exception if the invitation is treated just as it reads4 ,if dancing is the feature of the evening1 the same form may be used with the word ,dancing added in the lower left hand corner4 ,or3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,john ,burrows1 ,at ,home1 ,thursday evening1 ,october first1 ,at nine o'clock4 #ajhj ,le,france ,avenue4 ,quadrilles at ten4 ,if the ball is at a public place1 as at ,delmonico's1 in ,new ,york1 the following form is appropriate1 always making use1 in case of so public an entertainment1 of the host's name in connection with that of the hostess3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,george ,douglas ,request the pleasure of your company1 ,thursday evening1 ,december twelfth1 ,at nine o'clock4 ,delmonico's4 ,another form that would be equally appropriate is as follows3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,augustus ,saltus1 ,sanger ,halle1 ,wednesday evening1 ,january twentieth4 ,german at nine4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,if any of these occasions are intended to introduce a dbutante1 her card may be enclosed4 ,if they are given in honor of a friend1 or some celebrated individual1 the following form is appropriate3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,henry ,alexander ,requests the favor of your company on ,tuesday evening1 ,october tenth1 ,from eight to eleven o'clock1 ,to meet the ,rev4 ,prof4 ,dr4 ,kemp1 ,of the ,princeton ,theological ,seminary4 #fhd ,west #dith ,street4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,or1 if very formal1 the name of the guest may be given first1 as3 ,to meet the ,,chief ,,justice ,,of ,,the ,,united ,,states and ,,mrs4 ,,fuller4 ,,mrs4 ,,harold ,,courtright1 ,at ,home1 from eight to eleven o'clock1 ,thursday1 ,february seventh4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,this same precedence may be given to the name of an honored guest in a dinner or other invitation4 ,still another form is where the name of the guest is written on a separate card1 thus3 ,to meet ,,mrs4 ,,summerville4 ,enclose this in the same envelope4 ,for a club party the following may be used3 ,,the ,,la ,,salle ,,club requests the pleasure of your attendance ,wednesday evening1 ,june eight1 at nine o'clock4 #eee ,west #east ,street4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,a still more simple form for a party invitation is an ,at ,home card filled out thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,don ,,carlos ,,porter1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday evening1 ,march fourth4 #ajba ,broadway4 ,cotillion at ten4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,masquerades4 ,the entire invitation for a masquerade may be engraved1 or it may be written1 with the exception of the word ,masquerade1 which should be engraved on the card4 ,for example3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,l4,j4 ,le,fevre ,requests the pleasure of your company1 ,saturday evening1 ,november twelfth1 ,at eight o'clock4 ,masquerade4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 #ee ,east ,thirtieth ,street4 ,musicales1 ,soires and ,matines4 ,invitations to a ,musicale are simply written on ,at ,home cards1 thus3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,p4,v4 ,van,vechton1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday1 ,april second4 ,music at half-past three4 ,or3 ,,mrs4 ,p4,v4 ,,vanvechton1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday afternoon1 ,april second1 from half-past three to five o'clock4 ,matine ,musicale4 ,if the ,musicale is to be an evening affair1 and dancing is to follow the music1 the following form of invitation may be used3 ,,mrs4 ,,herbert ,,hughes1 ,at ,home1 ,friday evening1 ,january tenth1 at eight o'clock4 #bjj ,winchester ,avenue4 ,music4 ,dancing at ten4 ,precisely the same form is to be used in giving out invitations for a soire1 save that the word soire is substituted for that of ,musicale or matine musicale4 ,it may be farther added that the term matine applies exclusively to entertainments given in the morning1 or at any time before dinner1 a distinction to which our custom of late dinners gives a wide latitude1 so that any entertainment up to eight o'clock in the evening may receive the name of matine1 notwithstanding the fact that drawn curtains and gas-lighted rooms may give all the semblance of night-time4 ,soire1 however1 is used only where an evening party of a semi-informal character is denoted4 ,garden ,parties4 ,precisely the same form of ,at ,home cards can be used for these entertainments1 substituting the words ,garden ,party in the left hand corner and sending them out some two or three days in advance4 ,or1 if a more formal affair is intended1 use the following3 ,,mrs4 ,,waite ,,talcott requests the pleasure of the company of ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,clay1 on ,monday1 ,august fifth1 at four o'clock4 ,garden ,party4 ,the ,oaks4 ,if it should be desirable to include the entire family in the invitation1 the wording would be as follows3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,clay and ,party4 ,mrs4 ,waite ,talcott1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday1 ,august fifth1 at four o'clock4 ,the ,oaks4 ,garden ,party4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,carriages will meet the #c4dj train from ,union ,depot4 ,this clause to be added only when the party is to be given at some distance from the station4 ,if preferred1 these directions may be written on a separate small card and enclosed in the same envelope4 ,in this country we are not so accustomed to giving garden parties as people are in ,england1 but a garden party may easily be made one of the most inviting and enjoyable of any4 ,breakfasts1 ,luncheons and ,suppers4 ,breakfast invitations may be engraved or written upon a lady's visiting card1 thus3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,george ,norton4 ,breakfast1 ,wednesday1 at ten o'clock4 #bd ,euclid ,avenue4 ,a written invitation is usually in the first person1 and should read somewhat as follows3 ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,gracie3 ,i should be pleased to have the company of you and your husband at breakfast with us1 ,wednesday morning at ten o'clock4 ,cordially yours1 ,,gertrude ,,horton4 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,,horton4 ,the invitations should be sent out a week or five days in advance1 and should be answered at once4 ,luncheons1 in this country1 are very apt to possess much of the formality of a dinner1 and are written or engraved1 according to the degree of stateliness that is to mark the occasion4 ,very formal invitations are sent out ten days or two weeks in advance1 and are couched in precisely the same terms as a dinner invitation1 save that the word ,luncheon is substituted for ,dinner4 ,written invitations1 also1 follow the same plan as those written for dinners1 and are not usually issued more than a week or five days in advance4 ,some ladies use their visiting card1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,frank ,e4 ,,wentworth4 ,luncheon1 ,wednesday1 at one o'clock4 ,a later hour1 say two o'clock1 is usually adopted for a more formal affair4 ,replies should be sent at once that the hostess may be enabled to make up her table4 ,teas and ,kettledrums4 ,teas and ,kettledrums1 ,high ,tea and ,afternoon ,receptions1 have come to bear a strong resemblance one to another1 in fact to infringe so much upon the same territory that it is very difficult at times to distinguish between them sufficiently to apply the appropriate name4 ,a simple affair is announced thus by those ladies who have a regular reception day3 ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,st4 ,,john4 ,thursdays4 ,tea at five o'clock4 #dj ,west #dith ,street4 ,or3 ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,st4 ,,john4 ,five o'clock tea4 ,thursday1 ,february fifth4 #dj ,west #dith ,street4 ,the words kettledrum or afternoon tea are not to be used1 and these cards may be sent by mail1 enclosed in a single envelope4 ,they require no answer4 ,where the lady has not a regular reception day and wishes to give an afternoon tea1 an engraved card1 like the following1 is usually sent out3 ,,mrs4 ,,arthur ,,merrill4 ,,miss ,,merrill4 ,monday1 ,february third1 from four to seven o'clock4 #bgd ,chestnut ,street4 ,in case of the hostess having no one to receive with her1 her name would appear alone upon the card4 ,the name of any friend may take the place of a daughter's4 ,such an entertainment partakes more of the nature of an afternoon reception1 or high tea4 ,it may be adapted also to other occasions1 such as the introduction to one's friends of a guest who is to make a prolonged stay1 as for instance3 ,,mrs4 ,,arthur ,,merrill1 ,at ,home1 ,monday1 ,december seventh1 from one until seven o'clock4 ,to meet ,,mrs4 ,,frances ,,elmer4 #ee ,vine ,street4 ,invitations like this and the one just above are to be enclosed in two envelopes1 same as for dinners and sent out ten days or two weeks in advance4 ,kaffee ,klatsch4 ,this furnishes very much the same class of entertainment that is to be found at an afternoon tea1 save that coffee is the predominating beverage4 ,the invitation is precisely the same as for teas1 simply substituting the words ,kaffee ,klatsch4 ,suppers4 ,for the evening supper1 invitations are issued in some one of the forms presented for dinner parties1 substituting the word ,supper4 ,answers should be returned at once4 ,coming-out ,parties4 ,these special festivities may take almost any form1 so that the presentation of the blushing dbutante may be at a dinner1 ball1 reception1 evening party or afternoon tea2 which latter custom has become very frequent of late4 ,so much is this the case that it is somewhat to be reprehended as rendering afternoon teas too ceremonious in character4 ,there is this in its favor1 however2 it relieves young girls from the strain incident upon a large party or ball4 ,in some cases1 the invitations preserve their usual form 7whatever that may be7 and the card of the dbutante is enclosed in the same envelope4 ,even this distinction is sometimes wanting4 ,again1 in the case of ,at ,homes and ,teas1 the name of the young lady is engraved beneath that of her mother2 if it is the eldest daughter1 the form would be3 ,,mrs4 ,,arthur ,,holt4 ,,miss ,,holt4 ,a younger daughter1 under the same circumstances1 would pose as3 ,,miss ,,edith ,,may ,,holt4 ,such cards do not need a reply1 but the guest will remember to leave cards in the hall for the dbutante as well as her mother or chaperon4 ,it may be said here that1 should it for any reason occur that the young lady is brought out under the wing of some friend instead of under her mother's care1 the relative position their names will occupy on the cards is precisely the same1 as3 ,,mrs4 ,d4,g4 ,,haviland4 ,,miss ,,holt4 ,a more formal presentation would be in the style of an engraved note sheet3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,arthur ,holt ,requests the pleasure of introducing her daughter1 ,edith ,may1 ,to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,ross ,clark1 ,on ,thursday evening1 ,december fifth1 ,at nine o'clock4 #bh ,st4 ,caroline's ,court4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,this invitation1 of course1 implies a large evening party1 reception or ball1 and should be sent out ten days or two weeks in advance of the event4 ,receptions4 ,informal receptions and full-dress occasions of the same kind are announced somewhat differently4 ,in the first case the affair partakes so closely of the nature of an afternoon tea that the same form of invitation is used3 ,,mrs4 ,,howard ,,post1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday1 ,october second1 from four to seven4 ,if a series of receptions are planned the form would be3 ,,mrs4 ,,howard ,,post1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesdays in ,november1 from four to six o'clock4 ,full-dress receptions are frequently given both afternoon and evening1 sometimes in the evening only4 ,invitations to these should be engraved on square cards or note sheets1 and sent out two weeks previous to the reception day4 ,a very good form is3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,jerome ,hastings ,requests the pleasure of your company1 ,on ,thursday1 ,november twelfth1 ,from five until ten o'clock4 #gaa ,du,page ,street4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,if a daughter or a friend is to assist in receiving1 the invitation should include her name also3 ,,mrs4 ,,jerome ,,hastings1 ,,miss ,,hastings1 ,at ,home1 ,thursday1 ,november twelfth1 from five until ten o'clock4 #gaa ,du,page ,street4 ,when the reception is given by a gentleman1 and its object is to enable his friends to meet some distinguished guest1 the following form is used3 ,,mr4 ,,howard ,,post requests the pleasure of the company of ,,mr4 ,,alonzo ,,metcalf to meet ,,general ,e4,l4 ,,bates4 ,union ,league ,club4 #ajj ,cedar ,street4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,though some prefer placing the name of the honored guest first1 according to the form given under dinner invitations4 ,the answer should be3 ,mr4 ,alonzo ,metcalf accepts with pleasure ,mr4 ,howard ,post's kind invitation to meet ,general ,e4,l4 ,bates4 ,weddings4 ,wedding invitations are issued two weeks in advance1 sometimes earlier to friends at a distance1 in order that they may lay their plans accordingly4 ,they are engraved in fine script on small sheets of cream note1 and the form most used for church weddings is as follows3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,richard ,earle ,request the pleasure of your company ,at the marriage of their daughter1 ,guendolen ,to ,mr4 ,egbert ,ray ,cranston ,on ,tuesday1 ,june ,eighteenth1 #ahie1 ,at half-past twelve o'clock1 ,christ ,church1 ,binghamton4 ,still another form would give the daughter's name as ,miss ,guendolen ,earle4 ,there may or may not be a monogram on the sheet of paper1 but1 if used there1 one to correspond must be placed on the inner envelope also4 ,the envelope1 however1 may be stamped with a monogram and the paper left plain1 this latter style being much in favor4 ,where the wedding is in church1 it is usually followed by an after-reception1 cards for which are engraved in some similar form to the following3 ,reception from one until three o'clock1 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,or3 ,at ,home after the ceremony4 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,a still more ceremonious invitation to the reception may be issued in the parents' name1 and in the usual form of similar invitations1 as3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,richard ,,earle request the pleasure of your company at the wedding reception of their daughter1 ,,guendolen1 and ,,mr4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston1 ,tuesday evening1 ,june eighteenth1 #ahie1 from nine to eleven o'clock4 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,if there is reason to believe that the church will be crowded with uninvited guests1 admission cards are engraved as follows3 ,christ ,church4 ,please present this card to the usher4 ,tuesday1 ,june eighteenth4 ,how ,invitations are ,sent4 ,several of these cards are usually enclosed for distribution to friends of the invited and for the use of servants that have accompanied guests to the church4 ,this custom is hardly necessary in country towns4 ,all of the cards and the invitation are enclosed in one envelope superscribed with the name only of the person invited1 and re-inclosed in another envelope bearing the full address4 ,all formal invitations are to be enclosed in the two envelopes as above2 less stately affairs requiring but one envelope2 send by mail4 ,in ,england1 wedding invitations are issued in the name of the mother of the bride only2 here custom sanctions the use of the father's name as well4 ,if the invitation is issued in the name of some other relative1 then the word granddaughter1 niece1 etc41 should be substituted for that of daughter4 ,if the future home of the young couple is decided upon1 ,at ,home cards also should be enclosed for all the invited guests that the bride desires to retain upon her visiting list4 ,the following form is appropriate3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston1 ,at ,home1 ,thursdays in ,september1 from four until six o'clock4 #dh ,washington ,street4 ,or1 in place of designating especial days1 it may read3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston1 ,at ,home1 after ,september first4 #dh ,washington ,street4 ,where the list of acquaintances is very large it sometimes happens that a portion of the guests are invited to the church only4 ,when this is the case the reception card is omitted from the envelope2 but if a visiting acquaintance is to be maintained1 ,at ,home cards must be enclosed4 ,wedding ,invitations4 ,the home wedding is1 perhaps1 less stately in appearance1 but1 involving as it does1 less care on the part of friends and less nervous strain on that of the bride1 is frequently adopted4 ,the invitations are precisely the same as for a church wedding1 merely inserting street and number in place of designating the church1 omitting1 of course1 the card of admittance and that for reception4 ,the ,at ,home card of the newly-married couple should always be enclosed lest doubt as to their new address prove perplexing to their friends4 ,sometimes1 where life is to be commenced in their own home1 the wedded pair1 soon after their establishment therein1 send out ,at ,home cards for a few evenings after this style3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday evenings in ,september1 from eight to eleven o'clock4 #dh ,washington ,street4 ,gatherings such as these partake of the nature of semi-formal receptions and present a delightful opportunity for welcoming friends to the new home1 and at same time arranging a visiting list for the season1 no one receiving a card to these entertainments that is not to be honored with a place thereon4 ,these invitations are to be sent out after the return from the bridal tour1 and1 when thus used1 the first-given ,at ,home card is omitted in sending out the wedding invitation4 ,if the wedding is to be a morning affair from the church1 followed by a breakfast1 the first given invitation is issued and the following engraved card enclosed in the same envelope3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,richard ,,earle request the pleasure of your company at breakfast1 ,tuesday1 ,june twentieth1 at half past twelve o'clock4 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,at ,home cards and cards to the church should be enclosed as before4 ,the time should be carefully arranged so that not more than half an hour is allowed to elapse between the ceremony at the church and the reception or breakfast at the house4 ,a home wedding with a breakfast simply sends out the ordinary wedding invitation1 indicating the hour and giving the street and number4 ,sometimes1 at a home wedding1 it is desired that no one but relatives or very particular friends should be present at the ceremony4 ,under these circumstances the usual invitations are issued4 ,then1 for the favored few1 ceremony cards are enclosed1 on which the words are engraved3 ,ceremony at half past eight4 ,at ,home cards may be enclosed as before4 ,where the wedding has been entirely private1 the mother1 or some other relative of the bride1 frequently gives a reception upon the return home of the young couple1 invitations to which are issued as follows3 ,,mrs4 ,,richard ,,earle1 ,,mrs4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston4 ,at ,home1 ,wednesday1 ,september first1 from four to ten o'clock4 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,for an evening reception the form is a little different3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,richard ,,earle request the pleasure of your company1 ,thursday1 ,september second1 from nine to eleven o'clock4 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,enclosing the card of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,egbert ,ray ,cranston4 ,announcement ,cards4 ,announcement cards1 where the wedding has been strictly private1 are sent out after the following style3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,richard ,,earle announce the marriage of their daughter1 ,,guendolen1 to ,,mr4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston1 ,tuesday1 ,november nineteenth1 #ahie4 #ajg ,washington ,street4 ,the before-given ,at ,home cards may be enclosed1 or the necessary information conveyed by having engraved in the lower left hand corner of the sheet of note paper3 ,at ,home1 after ,december first1 at #dh ,washington ,street4 ,another form of announcement is also used3 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston4 ,,guendolen ,,earle4 ,married1 ,tuesday1 ,november nineteenth1 #ahie4 ,binghamton4 ,with this form use ,at ,home cards1 or engrave the street and number in the lower left hand corner of the announcement card4 ,this form is permissible in any case1 but is more frequently employed where there are neither parents nor relatives to send out the announcement4 ,if the wedding should have taken place during a season of family mourning or misfortune1 the bridegroom himself issues the following announcement3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,egbert ,,ray ,,cranston1 #dh ,washington ,street4 ,these cards are large and square1 and in the same envelope with them is enclosed a smaller card engraved with the maiden name of the bride3 ,,miss ,,guendolen ,,earle4 ,wedding ,anniversaries4 ,illustration3 #ahhe4 #ahij4 ,wooden ,wedding4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,theodore ,grant1 ,at ,home1 ,thursday evening1 ,december fifth1 #ahie1 ,at half-past eight o'clock4 #bfc ,east ,thirteenth ,street4 ,in sending out invitations for the various anniversaries that pleasantly diversify the years of a long wedded life1 the simplest form will always be found in the best taste4 ,there are varied devices for rendering these invitations striking in effect1 such as silvered and gilded cards for silver and golden weddings1 thin wooden cards for the wooden wedding1 etc41 but good taste would indicate that none of these1 not even gold and silver lettering 7though this last is least objectionable of all71 should be used4 ,the large engraved ,at ,home card1 or the small sheet of heavy note paper1 also engraved1 are the most elegant4 ,no ,presents ,received4 ,the words1 ,no presents received1 are sometimes engraved in the lower left hand corner of the note sheet1 or card4 ,a much-to-be-admired custom1 since the multiplicity of invitations requiring gifts1 is1 in more cases than one1 burdensome to the recipient4 ,revise the ,visiting ,list4 ,now1 that it has become the custom to engage the services of an amanuensis to direct the invitations for a crush affair by the hundred1 it would be well for every hostess to frequently revise her visiting list1 in order that the relatives of lately deceased friends may not be pained by seeing the dear lost name included among the invitations of the family2 also1 this care is necessary to remove the names of those who have recently departed from the city1 and those whose acquaintance is no longer desired4 ,,acceptances ,,and ,,regrets ,illustration ,the essence of all etiquette is to be found in the observance of the spirit of the ,golden ,rule4 ,perhaps in no one point is the do unto others as ye would that they should do unto you1 more applicable than in the prompt acknowledgment of either a formal or a friendly invitation4 ,this acknowledgment may be either denial or assent1 but whatever the form1 it is requisite that the proffered courtesy should be answered by a prompt and decisive acceptance or refusal4 ,this is a duty owed by an invited guest to his prospective host or hostess and one that should never be neglected4 ,answering an ,invitation4 ,in accepting or declining an invitation close attention should be paid to the form in which it is written and the same style followed in the answer4 ,for instance3 should the invitation be formal1 the answer should preserve the same degree of formality2 while a friendly invitation in note form should meet with an acceptance or regret couched in the same terms4 ,another rule to be rigidly observed is1 that the acceptance or refusal must be written in the same person that characterized the invitation4 ,for instance3 if ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,algernon ,smith request the pleasure of the company of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,joseph ,bronson at dinner1 etc41 with equal stateliness ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,joseph ,bronson accept with pleasure the kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,algernon ,smith4 ,to do otherwise would imply ignorance of the very rudiments of social or grammatical rules4 ,a friendly note of invitation1 beginning somewhat after this fashion3 ,mr4 ,smith and ,i would be pleased to have you and ,mr4 ,brown1 etc41 would be accepted or declined in the same fashion and person1 as3 ,mr4 ,brown and ,i accept with pleasure your kind invitation1 etc4 ,to answer such an invitation with a formal acceptance1 or regret1 written in the third person1 as given above1 would display profound ignorance of social customs4 ,an acceptance or regret1 written in the first person1 receives the signature of the writer1 but one written in the third person remains unsigned4 ,to sign it would produce a confusion of persons and be ungrammatical to the last degree4 ,another error to be avoided is that of beginning in this fashion3 ,i accept with pleasure the kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,jones1 this also producing a change of person altogether inadmissible4 ,neither must one be betrayed into the mistake of using the words1 will accept1 thus throwing the acceptance into the future tense1 when1 in reality1 you do accept1 in the present tense1 at the moment of writing4 ,accepting a ,dinner ,invitation4 ,incumbent upon us as it is to answer the majority of our invitations in either the affirmative or negative1 there are degrees of necessity even here1 for1 sin as we may in all other particulars1 there is an unwritten code like unto the laws of the ,medes and ,persians which declareth that the invitations to a dinner are not to be lightly set aside4 ,first1 an invitation to a dinner is the highest social compliment that a host and hostess can pay to those invited1 and1 second1 the guests are limited in number and painstakingly arranged in congenial couples by the careful hostess4 ,judge1 then1 of her disappointment1 when1 at the last moment1 some delinquent sends in a hasty regret leaving little or no time to fill that terror of all dinner-givers1 that skeleton at the feast1 an empty chair4 ,one such failure is sufficient to ruin the most carefully-arranged table and is an injury to host and hostess that only the occurrence of some unforeseen calamity can justify4 ,illustration3 ,,answering ,,an ,,invitation4 ,in answering an invitation it is well to repeat the date1 as3 ,your kind invitation for ,tuesday1 ,may fifth4 ,this will give an opportunity1 if any mistakes have been made in dates1 to rectify them at once4 ,this caution it would be well to observe in answering any invitation4 ,answer decisively as well as promptly4 ,do not1 if there is a doubt as to your being able to attend1 selfishly keep the lists open in your favor by suggesting that ,you hope to have the pleasure1 etc41 or1 if married1 that one of us will come4 ,this is an injustice to those inviting you1 who1 to make a success of their entertainment1 must know at once the number to be depended upon4 ,say yes or no promptly and abide by your decision4 ,to do this will1 in case of refusal1 give time to fill your place at table4 ,accepting a ,dinner ,invitation4 ,in accepting a dinner invitation the following form is very suitable4 ,this1 of course1 presupposes that the invitation has also been written in the third person4 7,see ,invitations47 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,harvey ,pratt accept with pleasure the kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,paul ,potter for dinner on ,tuesday1 ,december fifteenth1 at eight o'clock4 #bd ,abercrombie ,street4 ,wednesday4 ,a gentleman might respond thus3 ,mr4 ,fremont ,miller has much pleasure in accepting the very kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,paul ,potter for dinner on ,tuesday1 ,december fifteenth1 at eight o'clock4 ,union ,league ,club4 ,wednesday4 ,to answer a formal invitation carelessly and familiarly is to show a degree of disrespect to the sender1 but1 if the invitation be in note form1 first person1 answer in same fashion1 it being usually safe to follow the style of invitation in either accepting or refusing the proffered pleasure4 ,never present one's compliments in response to an invitation4 ,it is entirely out of date2 neither should one say the polite invitation of ,mr4 ,john ,jones4 ,all invitations are presupposed to be polite4 ,your kind or very kind invitation is a gracefully-turned and amply sufficient phrase for all occasions4 ,declining a ,dinner ,invitation4 ,an unexplained regret is often 7as before mentioned7 wounding to the feelings of a sensitive person1 leaving at times the impression that one did not care to come4 ,this can always be avoided by particularizing the cause of refusal4 ,a plea of expected absence1 a previous engagement to dine elsewhere1 a recent bereavement1 or sudden illness in the family1 are each of them good and sufficient reasons for non-acceptance and should always be mentioned4 ,thus1 in reply to a formal dinner invitation1 a regret might be sent in the following terms3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,harvey ,patten sincerely regret that1 owing to the sudden illness of their daughter ,eleanor they will be deprived of the pleasure of accepting the very kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,paul ,potter for dinner on ,tuesday1 ,december fifteenth4 #bd ,abercrombie street4 ,wednesday4 ,this form of refusal will be found suitable for all formal occasions1 varying the name of the entertainment and the cause for non-acceptance to suit the circumstances4 ,persons in ,mourning4 ,invitations to those in mourning should be sent as a matter of course1 except during the first few weeks of deep bereavement1 when their sorrows are not to be intruded upon by the gayeties of the outer world4 ,after this first season of sorrow1 invitations1 which neither custom nor their own feelings permit them to accept1 should be sent1 that they may know that they are not forgotten in their solitude4 ,to these there is always given the privilege of declining all invitations without any specified cause therefor1 their black-bordered stationery showing all too plainly the sad reason that prompted their refusal4 ,they should then send their cards 7black-bordered7 by mail enclosed in two envelopes4 ,these will take the place of a personal call and should be the same in number4 ,it may be mentioned here that while people in deep mourning are not usually invited to dinners or luncheons1 it is customary for them to receive invitations to all weddings and other social gatherings1 and though they may not accept1 still it is gratifying for them to know that they are remembered in their seclusion4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,letter ,,of ,,condolence4 ,addressing the ,answer4 ,the answer to an invitation should always be addressed to the person in whose name it is sent4 ,if ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,richard ,roe request the pleasure1 etc41 address the answer to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,richard ,roe4 ,if ,mrs4 ,richard ,roe is ,at ,home on a certain date1 address the reply to her alone4 ,in case of wedding invitations1 address all answers to the parents of the bride1 in whose name they are sent out1 never to the bride1 although she may be your only personal acquaintance in the family1 the civility being due to the issuers of the invitation4 ,this is customary in the case of all invitations4 ,wedding ,invitations4 ,wedding invitations are usually thought to require no answer unless it be to a sit-down wedding breakfast4 ,in this case the same exactness in reply and the same form is demanded as for a dinner invitation4 ,if the invitation is extended to friends at a distance and presupposes an intention to entertain the recipients for any length of time1 the obligation for speedy reply is equally necessary4 ,if the invitation is given by an informal note1 as is the case with some very quiet weddings1 an answer must always be returned and in the same note form4 ,this attention is demanded by courtesy4 ,to a large crush wedding a regret1 accompanied or not by a gift1 may be sent if desired2 an acceptance is not necessary4 ,where the invitations are to the church only1 they are amply answered by sending or leaving cards at the house4 ,to receive a card stating that the wedded pair will be ,at ,home on certain dates1 means that they desire to continue their acquaintance with the parties thus invited1 who should either call in person or send cards promptly4 ,wedding ,anniversaries4 ,anniversary invitations require an answer1 thus giving a very pleasant opportunity for congratulating the happy couple4 ,the following forms are suitable3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,arthur ,cummings accept with pleasure the kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,kennet ,wade for ,thursday evening1 ,october tenth1 and present their warmest congratulations on their ,silver ,wedding ,anniversary4 #de ,church ,street4 ,thursday4 ,for a refusal3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,arthur ,cummings sincerely regret that1 owing to an unexpected absence from town1 they are unable to accept the very kind invitation of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,kennet ,wade for ,thursday evening1 ,october tenth1 but beg to present to them their warmest congratulations on this occasion of their ,silver ,wedding ,anniversary4 #bd ,church ,street4 ,wednesday4 ,the same formul in answering will apply to any of the anniversary festivities4 ,theater and ,opera ,parties4 ,these parties are frequently made up on rather short notice and the invitations are then sent to the house by special messenger who awaits the reply1 which must be written at once1 that the lady or gentleman giving the entertainment may be sure of a certain number to fill the box or stalls1 engaged for the evening4 ,occasionally1 when the party is given by a gentleman1 he takes a carriage and gives out the invitations in person when a verbal answer is returned4 ,luncheons and ,suppers4 ,invitations for these are written in the same form as for a dinner1 merely substituting the word luncheon or supper for dinner1 and should be accepted or refused in precisely the same style4 ,answers also should be sent with the same promptness that the hostess may be certain of arranging her table satisfactorily4 ,other ,invitations4 ,other invitations1 aside from those already specified in this department1 scarcely demand an answer1 except they bear the words3 ,the favor of an answer is requested1 or the initials1 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,simple at home affairs never need an answer1 though cards must always be sent1 or left in person1 immediately afterward4 ,garden parties1 where they are held at any distance from the city and carriages are to be sent to convey the guests thither1 always require an answer2 this1 however1 is usually indicated upon the card4 ,refusing ,after ,acceptance4 ,should it unfortunately occur1 after accepting an invitation1 that1 by one of the sorrowful happenings so often marring our best laid plans1 we are prevented from fulfilling our promise1 let the regret sent be prompt1 that your hostess1 especially if the entertainment be a dinner or luncheon may possibly1 even at the eleventh hour1 be able to supply the vacancy4 ,make it explanatory as well1 that she may feel positive that no mere whim has caused the disarrangement of her plans4 ,what ,not to ,do4 ,never write the word accepts1 regrets or declines upon your visiting card and send in lieu of a written note4 ,to do so is not only an insult to your hostess but a mark as well of your own ill-breeding4 ,an invitation1 which is always an honor and implies the best that your host is able to offer1 should always receive the courtesy of a civil reply4 ,etiquette of ,courtship and ,marriage ,illustration ,courtship1 according to ,sterne1 consists in a number of quiet attentions1 not so pointed as to alarm1 nor so vague as not to be understood4 ,in this little quotation lies the spirit and the letter of all etiquette regarding courtship4 ,the passion of love generally appearing to everyone save the man who feels it1 so entirely disproportionate to the value of the object1 so impossible to be entered into by any outside individual1 that any strong expressions of it appear ridiculous to a third person4 ,for this reason it is that all extravagance of feeling should be carefully repressed as an offense against good breeding4 ,man was made for woman1 and woman equally for man4 ,how shall they treat each other8 ,how shall they come to understand their mutual relations and duties8 ,it is lofty work to write upon this subject what ought to be written4 ,mistakes1 fatal blunders1 hearts and lives wrecked1 homes turned into bear-gardens1 tears1 miseries1 blasted hopes1 awful tragedies--can you name the one most prolific cause of all these8 ,if our young people were taught what they ought to know--if it were told them from infancy up--if it were drilled into them and they were made to understand what now is all a mystery to them--a dark1 vague1 unriddled mystery--hearts would be happier1 homes would be brighter1 lives would be worth living and the world would be better4 ,illustration3 ,,good ,,night6 ,,good ,,night6 ,,parting ,,is ,,such ,,sweet ,,sorrow1 ,,that ,i ,,shall ,,say ,,good ,,night ,,till ,,it ,,be ,,morrow4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,polite ,,escort4 ,this is now the matter--matter grave and serious enough--which we have in hand4 ,there are gems of wisdom founded on health1 morality1 happiness1 which should be put within reach of every household in our whole broad land4 ,it is a most important1 yet neglected subject4 ,people are squeamish1 cursed with mock modesty1 ashamed to speak with their lips what their ,creator spoke through their own minds and bodies when he formed them4 ,it is time such nonsense--nonsense shall we say8--rather say it is time such fatal folly were withered and cursed by the sober common sense and moral duty of universal society4 ,courtship6 ,its theme1 how delightful6 ,its memories and associations1 how charming6 ,its luxuries the most luxurious proffered to mortals6 ,its results how far reaching1 and momentous6 ,no mere lover's fleeting bauble1 but life's very greatest work6 ,none are equally portentous1 for good and evil4 ,errors of ,love-,making4 ,god's provisions for man's happiness are boundless and endless4 ,how great are the pleasures of sight1 motion1 breathing6 ,how much greater those of mind6 ,yet a right love surpasses them all2 and can render us all happier than our utmost imaginations can depict2 and a wrong more miserable4 ,right love-making is more important than right selection2 because it affects conjugal life for the most4 ,men and women need knowledge concerning it more than touching anything else4 ,their fatal errors show their almost universal ignorance concerning it4 ,that most married discords originate in wrong love-making instead of selection1 is proved by love usually declining2 while adaptation remains the same4 ,right courtship will harmonize natural discordants1 much more concordants1 still more those already in love2 which only some serious causes can rupture4 ,the whole power of this love element is enlisted in its perpetuity1 as are all the self-interests of both4 ,as nature's health provisions are so perfect that only its great and long-continued outrage can break it2 so her conjugal are so numerous and perfect that but for outrageous violation of her love laws all who once begin can and will grow more and more affectionate and happy every day4 ,any man who can begin to elicit any woman's love1 can perfectly infatuate her more and more1 solely by courting her right2 and all women who once start a man's love--no very difficult achievement--can get out of him1 and do with him1 anything possible she pleases4 ,the charming and fascinating power of serpents over birds is as nothing compared with that a woman can wield over a man1 and he over her4 ,ladies1 recall your love hey-day4 ,you had your lover perfectly spell-bound4 ,he literally knew not what he did or would do4 ,with what alacrity he sprang to indulge your every wish1 at whatever cost1 and do exactly as you desired6 ,if you had only courted him just right1 he would have continued to grow still more so till now4 ,this is equally true of a man's power over every woman who once begins to love him4 ,what would you give to again wield that same bewitching wand8 ,how to ,carry on ,courtship4 ,intuition1 our own selfhood1 is nature's highest teacher1 and infallible2 and tells all1 by her still1 small voice within1 whether and just wherein they are making love right or wrong4 ,every false step forewarns all against itself2 and great is their fall who stumble4 ,courtship has its own inherent consciousness1 which must be kept inviolate4 ,then throw yourself1 ,o courting youth1 upon your own interior sense of propriety and right1 as to both the beginning and conducting of courtship1 after learning all you can from these pages1 and have no fears as to results1 but quietly bide them1 in the most perfect assurance of their happy eventuality6 ,what can ,i do or omit to advance my suit8 prevent dismissal8 make my very best impression8 guarantee acceptance8 touch my idol's heart8 court just right8 ,this is what all true courters say4 ,cultivate and manifest whatever qualities you would awaken4 ,you inspire in the one you court the precise feeling and traits you yourself experience4 ,this law effects this result4 ,every faculty in either awakens itself in the other4 ,this is just as sure as gravity itself4 ,hence your success must come from within1 depends upon yourself1 not the one courted4 ,study the specialties1 likes and dislikes in particular1 of the one courted1 and humor and adapt yourself to them4 ,be extra careful not to prejudice him or her against you by awakening any faculty in reverse4 ,thus whatever rouses the other's resistance against you1 antagonizes all the other faculties1 and proportionally turns love for you into hatred4 ,whatever wounds ambition reverses all the other feelings1 to your injury2 what delights it1 turns them in your favor4 ,all the faculties create1 and their action constitutes human nature2 which lovers will do right well to study4 ,to give an illustration3 ,a ,case to the ,point4 ,an elderly man with points in his favor1 having selected a woman eighteen years younger1 but most intelligent and feminine1 had two young rivals1 each having more points in their favor1 and came to his final test4 ,she thought much of having plenty of money4 ,they saw they could cut him out by showing her that he was poor2 she till then thinking his means ample4 ,all four met around her table1 and proved his poverty4 ,his rivals retired1 sure that they had made his cake dough1 leaving him with her4 ,it was his turning-point4 ,he addressed himself right to her affections1 saying little about money matters1 but protesting an amount of devotion for her to which she knew they were strangers2 and left his suit right on this one point2 adding3 ,you know ,i can make money2 know how intensely ,i esteem1 admire1 idolize1 and love you4 ,will not my admitted greater affection1 with my earnings1 do more for you than they with more money1 but less love8 ,her clear head saw the point4 ,her heart melted into his4 ,she said yes4 ,he triumphed by this affectional spirit alone over their much greater availability4 ,manifesting the domestic affections and virtues1 a warm1 gushing friendly nature1 fondness for children and home1 inspires a man's love most of all1 while evincing talents by a man peculiarly enamors woman4 ,relations1 you shall not interfere1 where even parents may not4 ,make your own matches1 and let others make theirs2 especially if you have bungled your own4 ,one such bungle is one too many4 ,the parties are betrothed4 ,their marriage is fore-ordained by themselves1 its only rightful umpires1 which all right-minded outsiders will try to promote1 not prevent4 ,how despicable to separate husbands and wives6 ,yet is not parting those married by a love-spirit1 equally so8 ,its mere legal form can but increase its validity1 not create it4 ,marriage is a divine institution1 and consists in their own personal betrothal4 ,hence breaking up a true love-union before its legal consummation1 is just as bad as parting loving husband and wife2 which is monstrous4 ,all lovers who allow it are its wicked partakers4 ,choice of ,associates4 ,the first point to be considered on this subject is a careful choice of associates1 which will often1 in the end1 save future unhappiness and discomfort1 since1 as ,goldsmith so truthfully puts it1 ,love is often an involuntary passion placed upon our companions without our consent1 and frequently conferred without even our previous esteem4 ,this last most unhappy state of affairs may1 to a great extent1 be avoided by this careful choosing of companions4 ,especially is this true on the part of the lady1 since1 from the nature and constitution of society1 an unsuitable acquaintance1 friendship1 or alliance1 is more embarrassing and more painful for the woman than the man4 ,as in single life an undesirable acquaintance is more derogatory to a woman than to a man1 so in married life1 the woman it is who ventures most1 for1 as ,jeremy ,taylor writes1 she hath no sanctuary in which to retire from an evil husband2 she may complain to ,god as do the subjects of tyrants and princes1 but otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness4 ,first ,steps4 ,to a man who has become fascinated with some womanly ideal1 we would say1 if the acquaintanceship be very recent1 and he1 as yet1 a stranger to her relatives1 that he should first consider in detail his position and prospects in life1 and judge whether or not they are such as would justify him in striving to win the lady's affections1 and later on her hand in marriage4 ,assured upon this point1 and let no young man think that a fortune is necessary for the wooing of any woman worth the winning1 let him then gain the needful introductions through some mutual friend to her parents or guardians4 ,if1 on the other hand1 it is a long acquaintance that has ripened into admiration1 this latter formality will be unnecessary4 ,as to the lady1 her position is negative to a great extent4 ,yet it is to be presumed that her preferences1 though unexpressed1 are decided1 and1 if the attentions of a gentleman are agreeable1 her manners will be apt to indicate1 in some degree1 the state of her mind4 ,prudence1 however1 does1 or should1 warn her not to accept too marked attentions from a man of whose past life she knows nothing1 and of whose present circumstances she is equally ignorant4 ,character4 ,there is one paramount consideration too often overlooked and too late bewailed in many a ruined home1 and that is the character of the man who seeks to win a woman's hand4 ,parents and guardians cannot be too careful in this regard1 and young women themselves should1 by refusing such associates1 avoid all danger of contracting such ties4 ,wealth1 nor family rank1 nor genius1 availeth aught if the character of the man be flawed4 ,let parents teach their daughters and let girls understand for themselves that happiness1 or peace1 in married life is impossible where a man is1 in any wise1 dissipated1 or liable to be overcome by any of the fashionable vices of the day4 ,better go down to your grave a forlorn spinster than marry such a man4 ,disposition4 ,as to temper or disposition1 the man or woman can easily gain some insight into the respective peculiarities of another's temperament by a little quiet observation4 ,if the gentleman be courteous and careful in his attentions to his mother and sisters1 and behave with ease and consideration toward all women1 irrespective of age1 rank1 or present condition1 she may feel that her first estimate was a correct one4 ,on the other hand1 should he show disrespect toward women as a class1 sneer at sacred things1 evince an inclination for expensive pleasures in advance of his means1 or for low amusements or companionship2 be cruel to the horse he drives1 or display an absence of all energy in his business pursuits1 then is it time to gently1 but firmly1 repel all nearer advances on his part4 ,as to the gentleman1 it will be well for him also to watch carefully as to the disposition of the lady and her conduct in her own family4 ,if she be attentive and respectful to her parents1 kind and affectionate toward her brothers and sisters1 not easily ruffled in temper and with inclination to enjoy the pleasures of home2 cheerful1 hopeful and charitable in disposition1 then may he feel1 indeed1 that he has a prize before him well worth the winning4 ,if1 however1 she should display a strong inclination towards affectation and flirtation2 be extremely showy or else careless in her attire1 frivolous in her tastes and eager for admiration1 he may rightly conclude that very little home happiness is to be expected from her companionship4 ,trifling4 ,a true gentleman will never confine his attentions exclusively to one lady unless he has an intention of marriage4 ,to do so exposes her to all manner of conjecture1 lays an embargo on the formation of other acquaintances1 may very seriously compromise her happiness1 and by after withdrawal frequently causes her the severest mortification4 ,hence a gentleman with no thought of marriage is in honor bound to make his attentions to ladies as general as possible4 ,still more reprehensible is the conduct of the man who insinuates himself into the affections of a young girl by every protestation and avowal possible1 save that which would be binding upon himself1 and then withdraws his attentions with the boastful consciousness that he has not committed himself4 ,again1 the young lady who willfully1 knowingly1 deliberately1 draws on a man to place hand and heart at her disposal simply for the pleasure of refusing him and thus adding one more name to her list of rejected proposals1 is utterly unworthy the name of woman4 ,etiquette of ,making and ,receiving ,gifts4 ,on the question of gifts there is a point of etiquette to be observed4 ,gentlemen1 as a rule1 do not offer ladies presents1 save of fruits1 flowers1 or confections2 which gifts1 notwithstanding that a small fortune may be lavished upon their purchase1 are supposed1 in all probability from their perishable character1 to leave no obligation resting upon the lady4 ,should the conversation1 however1 turn upon some new book or musical composition1 which the lady has not seen1 the gentleman may1 with perfect propriety1 say1 ,i wish that you could see such or such a work and1 if you will permit1 ,i should be pleased to send you a copy4 ,it is then optional with the lady to accept or refuse4 ,should a gentleman persist in offering other gifts there must be no secrecy about it4 ,she should take early opportunity of saying1 in the presence of her father and mother1 ,i am very much obliged to you for that ring1 pin 7or other gift7 which you were so kind as to offer me the other day1 and ,i shall be happy to accept it if ,papa or ,mamma does not object4 ,if the lady is positive in her objections to receiving gifts1 it is easy to say1 ,i thank you for the kindness but ,i never take expensive presents2 or1 ,mamma never permits me to accept expensive presents4 ,these refusals are always to be taken by the gentleman in good part4 ,where a present has been unadvisedly accepted1 it is perfectly proper for the mother to return it with thanks1 saying1 ,i think my daughter rather young to accept such expensive gifts4 ,after an engagement is formally made the etiquette of gifts is somewhat altered1 though even then expensive presents1 unless it be the engagement ring1 are not in the best taste4 ,these should be reserved for the marriage gifts4 ,proposals of ,marriage4 ,the proposal itself is a subject so closely personal in its nature that each man must be a law unto himself in the matter1 and time and opportunity will be his only guides to success1 unless1 mayhap1 his lady-love be the braver of the two and help him gently over the hardest part1 for there be men and men2 some who brook not no for an answer1 and some that a moment's hesitation on the part of the one sought would seal their lips forever4 ,a woman must always remember that a proposal of marriage is the highest honor that a man can pay her1 and1 if she must refuse it1 to do so in such fashion as to spare his feelings as much as possible4 ,if she be a true and well-bred woman1 both proposal and refusal will be kept a profound secret from every one save her parents4 ,it is the least balm she can offer to the wounded pride of the man who has chosen her from out all women to bear his name and to reign in his home4 ,a wise woman can almost always prevent matters from coming to the point of a declaration1 and1 by her actions and her prompt acceptance of the attentions of others1 should strive to show the true state of her feelings4 ,a gentleman should usually take no for an answer unless he be of so persevering a disposition as to be determined to take the fort by siege2 or unless the no was so undecided in its tone as to give some hope of finding true the poet's words3 ,he gave them but one tongue to say us1 ',nay1' ,and two fond eyes to grant4 ,on the gentleman's part1 a decided refusal should be received as calmly as possible1 and his resolve should be in no way to annoy the cause of all his pain4 ,if mere indifference be or seem to be the origin of the refusal1 he may1 after a suitable length of time1 press his suit once more2 but if an avowed or evident preference for another be the reason1 it becomes imperative that he should at once withdraw from the field4 ,any reason that the lady may1 in her compassion1 see fit to give him as cause for her refusal1 should ever remain his inviolable secret4 ,illustration3 ,,social ,,pastime ,,on ,,return ,,voyage4 ,illustration3 ,,declined ,,with ,,regrets4 ,as whatever grows has its natural period for maturing1 so has love4 ,at engagement you have merely selected1 so that your familiarity should be only intellectual1 not affectional4 ,you are yet more acquaintances than companions4 ,as sun changes from midnight darkness into noonday brilliancy1 and heats1 lights up1 and warms gradually1 and as summer lingers in the lap of spring2 so marriage should dally in the lap of courtship4 ,nature's adolescence of love should never be crowded into a premature marriage4 ,the more personal1 the more impatient it is2 yet to establish its ,platonic aspect takes more time than is usually given it2 so that undue haste puts it upon the carnal plane1 which soon cloys1 then disgusts4 ,unbecoming ,haste4 ,coyness and modesty always accompany female love1 which involuntarily shrink from close masculine contact until its mental phase is sufficiently developed to overrule the antagonistic intimacies of marriage4 ,besides1 why curtail the luxuries of courtship8 ,should haste to enjoy the lusciousness of summer engulf the delights of spring8 ,the pleasures of courtship are unsurpassed throughout life1 and quite too great to be curtailed by hurrying marriage4 ,and enhancing or diminishing them redoubles or curtails those of marriage a hundredfold more4 ,a happy courtship promotes conjugal felicity more than anything else whatever4 ,a lady1 asked why she didn't marry1 since she had so many making love to her1 replied3 ,because being courted is too great a luxury to be spoilt by marrying4 ,no man should wait to make his pile4 ,two must acquire a competence conjointly1 in order fully to really enjoy it together4 ,this alone can give full zest to whatever pleasures it produces4 ,a formal proffer of marriage naturally follows a man's selection and decision as to whom he will marry4 ,consent to canvass their mutual adaptations implies consent to marry1 if all is found satisfactory2 yet a final test and consummation now become necessary1 both to bring this whole matter to a focus1 and allow both to state1 and obviate or waive1 those objections which must needs exist on both sides2 including any improvements possible in either4 ,how to ,deal with ,objections4 ,the best time to state and waive or remove all objections1 seeming and real1 not already adjusted1 is at his proposal1 and her acceptance4 ,a verbal will do1 but a written is much better1 by facilitating future reference4 ,a long future awaits their marriage2 hence committing this its initial point to writing1 so that both can look back to it1 is most desirable4 ,and he can propose1 and she accept1 much better when alone1 and they have all their faculties under full control1 than verbally1 perhaps1 when excited4 ,those same primal reasons for reducing all other contracts to writing obtain doubly in reference to marriage4 ,you who fear awkwardness on paper1 remember that true human nature always appears well1 even when poorly dressed4 ,a diamond is no less brilliant because set in clay4 ,mode is nothing1 reality everything4 ,all needed to appear well is to feel right1 and express naturally what is felt4 ,saying plainly what you have to say1 is all required4 ,the acceptance or rejection should also be unequivocal1 or any contingencies stated1 and waived if minor1 but if they can neither be obviated nor compromised1 should terminate their relations1 that both may look elsewhere4 ,if any bones of contention exist1 now is the time to inter them finally1 and to take the initiatory steps for perfecting both in each other's eyes4 ,bear in mind that as yet your relations are still those of business merely1 because neither has acquired or conceded any right to love or be loved4 ,without pretending to give model letters of proposal1 acceptance1 or rejection1 because varying circumstances will vary each ad infinitum1 the following may serve as samples from which to work3 ,,much ,,esteemed ,,friend3 ,as we have agreed to canvass our mutual adaptations for marriage1 and my own mind is fully made up1 a final decision now becomes necessary4 ,what ,i have learned of and from you confirms that high opinion of you which prompted my selection of you1 and inspires a desire to consummate it4 ,your pleasing manner and mode of saying and doing things2 your intelligence1 taste1 prudence1 kindness1 and many other excellencies1 inspire my highest admiration4 ,will you let me love what ,i so much admire8 ,but my affections are sacred4 ,i can bestow them only on one who reciprocates them2 will bestow them upon you1 if you will bestow yours on me2 not otherwise2 for only mutual love can render either happy4 ,i can and will love you alone1 with all my heart1 provided you can and will love only me1 with all of yours4 ,do you accord me this privilege1 on this condition1 for life1 forever8 ,i crave to make you my wife2 to live with and for you1 and proffer you my whole being1 with honest1 assiduous toil1 fidelity to business1 what talents ,i possess1 and all ,i can do to contribute to your creature comforts4 ,do you accord me this privilege1 on this condition8 ,may ,i enshrine you as queen of my life8 ,say wherein you find me faulty1 or capable of improvement in your eyes1 and ,i will do my utmost1 consistently with my conscience1 to render myself worthy and acceptable to you4 ,i wish some things were different in you--that you had better health1 arose earlier1 were less impulsive1 knew more about keeping house1 etc42 yet these minor matters sink into insignificance in comparison with your many excellences1 and especially that whole-souled affection obviously inherent in you4 ,deliberate fully1 for this is a life affair1 and if1 in order to decide judiciously1 you require to know more of me1 ask me1 or ---- and ----4 ,please reply as soon as you can well decide4 ,decline unless you accept cordially1 and can love me truly and wholly2 but if you can and will reciprocate my proffered affection1 say yes1 and indicate your own time and mode of our marriage4 ,meanwhile1 with the highest regards1 ,i am1 and hope ever to remain1 ,yours truly1 ,a4,b4 ,a true woman could give a better answer than the following1 which does not claim to be a model4 ,it is hardly time yet for a gushing love-letter1 or we would not profane this sacred subject by making the attempt2 yet should like to receive one in spirit somewhat as follows3 ,,dear ,,sir3 ,your proffer of your hand and heart in marriage has been duly received1 and its important contents fully considered4 ,i accept your offer3 and on its only condition1 that ,i reciprocate your love1 which ,i do completely2 and hereby both offer my own hand and heart in return1 and consecrate my entire being1 soul and body1 all ,i am and can become1 to you alone2 both according you the 'privilege' you crave of loving me1 and 'craving' a like one in return4 ,thank ,heaven that this matter is settled2 that you are in very deed mine1 while ,i am yours1 to love and be loved by1 live and be lived with and for2 and that my gushing affections have a final resting-place on one every way so worthy of the fullest reciprocal sympathy and trust4 ,the preliminaries of our marriage we will arrange whenever we meet1 which ,i hope may be soon4 ,but whether sooner or later1 or you are present or absent1 ,i now consider myself as wholly yours1 and you all mine2 and both give and take the fullest privilege of cherishing and expressing for you that whole-souled love ,i find even now gushing up and calling for expression4 ,fondly hoping to hear from and see you soon and often1 ,i remain wholly yours forever1 ,c4,d4 ,sealing the ,vow4 ,the vow and its tangible witnesses come next4 ,all agreements require to be attested2 and this as much more than others as it is the most obligatory4 ,both need its unequivocal and mutual mementos1 to be cherished for all time to come as its perpetual witnesses4 ,this vow of each to the other can neither be made too strong1 nor held too sacred4 ,if calling ,god to witness will strengthen your mutual adjuration1 swear by ,him and ,his throne1 or by whatever else will render it inviolable1 and commit it to writing1 each transcribing a copy for the other as your most sacred relics1 to be enshrined in your holy of holies4 ,two witnesses are required1 one for each4 ,a ring for her and locket for him1 containing the likeness of both1 as always showing how they now look1 or any keepsake both may select1 more or less valuable1 to be handed down to their posterity1 will answer4 ,your mode of conducting your future affairs should now be arranged4 ,though implied in selection1 yet it must be specified in detail4 ,both should arrange your marriage relations2 say what each desires to do1 and have done2 and draw out a definite outline plan of the various positions you desire to maintain towards each other4 ,your future home must be discussed3 whether you will board1 or live in your own house1 rented1 or owned1 or built1 and after what pattern2 or with either or which of your parents4 ,and it is vastly important that wives determine most as to their domiciles2 their internal arrangements1 rooms1 furniture1 management2 respecting which they are consulted quite too little1 yet cannot well be too much4 ,family rules1 as well as national1 state1 corporate1 financial1 must be established4 ,they are most needed1 yet least practiced in marriage4 ,without them1 all must be chaotic4 ,ignoring them is a great but common marital error4 ,the ,friends wisely make family method cardinal4 ,a ,full ,understanding4 ,your general treatment of each other now especially requires to be mutually agreed upon4 ,each should say1 ,i should like to treat and be treated by you thus1 but not so2 and let you do this but not that2 and both mutually agree on a thousand like minor points1 better definitely arranged at first than left for future contention2 each making requisitions1 conceding privileges1 and stipulating for any fancies1 idols1 or reserved rights4 ,differences must needs arise1 which cannot be adjusted too soon4 ,those constitutionally inherent in each should be adjusted in love's early stages2 it matters less how1 than whether to your mutual satisfaction4 ,or if this is impossible1 agree to disagree2 but settle on something4 ,a concessionary spirit is indispensable1 and inheres in love4 ,neither should insist1 but both concede1 in all things2 each making1 not demanding sacrifices4 ,the one who loves most will yield to oblige most4 ,what course will make both happiest should overrule all your mutual relations4 ,write down and file all4 ,your present decisions1 subject to mutual changes and amendments1 will become more and more important for future reference1 as time rolls on1 by enabling each to correct both2 for our own changes make us think others have changed4 ,a mutual diary is desirable2 for incidents now seemingly trivial1 may yet become important4 ,important ,trifles4 ,see or correspond with each other often4 ,love will not bear neglect4 ,nothing kills it equally4 ,in this it is most exacting4 ,it will not1 should not1 be second in anything4 ,first or nothing1 is its motto4 ,meet as often as possible4 ,after its fires have once been lit1 they must be perpetually resupplied with their natural fuel2 else they die down1 go out1 or go elsewhere2 and are harder to rekindle than to light at first4 ,a splendid young man1 son of one of ,new ,england's most talented and pious divines1 endowed with one of the very best of organisms1 physical and phrenological1 having selected his mate1 and plighted their mutual vows1 being the business manager of a large manufactory1 and obliged to defend several consecutive lawsuits for patent-right infringements1 neglected for weeks to write to his betrothed1 presupposing1 of course1 that all was right4 ,this offended her ladyship1 and allowed evil-minded meddlers to sow seeds of alienation in her mind2 persuade her to send him his dismissal1 and accept a marriage proposal from another4 ,as he told his mournful story1 he seemed like a sturdy oak riven by lightning and torn by whirlwinds2 its foliage scorched1 bark stripped1 limbs tattered1 even its very rootlets scathed2 yet standing1 a stern1 proud1 defiant1 resolute wreck4 ,a gushing tear he manfully tried but failed to suppress4 ,his lips quivered and voice faltered4 ,perceiving his impending fate1 he seemed to dread his future more than present2 and hesitated between self-abandonment1 and a merely mechanical1 objectless1 business life4 ,in attempting his salvation1 by proffering advice to the broken-hearted1 he respectfully but firmly declined2 deliberately preferring old-bachelorship1 with all its dearths1 of which he seemed fully conscious4 ,he felt as if he had been deeply wronged4 ,yet was not he the first practically to repudiate8 ,he suffered terribly1 because he had sinned grievously1 not by commission1 but omission4 ,he felt the deepest1 fullest1 manliest love1 and revelled in anticipations of their future union1 but did not express it2 which was to her as if he had not felt it2 whereas1 had he saved but one minute per week to write lovingly1 ,i long to be with you1 and love you still1 or1 ,business does not1 cannot diminish my fondness1 he would have saved her broken vows1 and his broken heart4 ,mingling other enjoyments with love1 by going together to picnics and parties1 sleigh-rides and ,mayings1 concerts1 and lectures1 marvellously cements the affections4 ,love ,feeds on ,love4 ,meet in your most attractive habiliments of mind and person4 ,french ladies will see their affianced only when arrayed in their best toilet4 ,yet mental charms vastly surpass millinery4 ,neither can render yourselves too lovely4 ,express affectionate fondness in your visits and letters2 the more the better1 so that you keep it a sentiment1 not debase it by animal passion4 ,it is still establishing its rootlets1 like young corn1 instead of growing4 ,allow no amatory excitement1 no frenzied1 delirious intoxication with it2 for its violence1 like every other1 must react only to exhaust and paralyze itself by its own excesses4 ,affianced young man1 life has its epochs1 which revolutionize it for good or bad4 ,you are now in one4 ,you have heretofore affiliated much with men2 formed habits of smoking or chewing tobacco2 indulged in late suppers2 abused yourself in various ways2 perhaps been on sprees4 ,now is your time to take a new departure from whatever is evil to all that is good and pure4 ,break up most of your masculine associations2 and affiliate chiefly with your affianced4 ,be out no more nights4 ,let your new responsibilities and relations brace you up against their temptations2 and1 if these are not sufficient1 your prospective spouse will help4 ,no other aid in resisting temptation and inspiring to good equals that of a loving1 loved woman4 ,break off from your cronyisms1 clubs1 societies1 all engagements except such as mean imperative1 cold-blooded business4 ,your new ties furnish an excellent excuse4 ,all your spare time and small change are wanted for her4 ,to give to bad habits the time and money due to her and setting up in life1 is outrageous4 ,bend everything to your new relations1 them to nothing4 ,now's your time to turn over a new leaf1 and turn all the angles1 corners and right-about faces needed4 ,affianced maiden1 you have some departures to take and corners to turn4 ,your life has till now been frivolous1 but has now become serious4 ,you have no more need of toilet fineries2 for your market is made1 and you have work on hand far more important1 namely1 fitting yourself for your new duties4 ,find out what they demand of you1 and set right about making a premium wife and mother4 ,both begin life anew4 ,forgetting the past1 plant and sow now what you would gather and become always4 ,the ,best of all ,possessions4 ,woman is man's choicest treasure4 ,that is the most precious which confers the most happiness4 ,she is adapted to render him incomparably happier than any other terrestrial possession4 ,he can enjoy luscious peaches1 melting pears1 crack horses1 dollars and other things innumerable2 but a well-sexed man can enjoy woman most of all4 ,he is poor indeed1 and takes little pleasure in this life1 be his possessions and social position what they may1 who takes no pleasure with her4 ,all description utterly fails to express the varied and exultant enjoyments ,god has engrafted into a right sexual state4 ,only few experiences can attest how many and great1 from infancy to death1 and throughout eternity itself4 ,all ,god could do ,he has done to render each sex superlatively happy in the other4 ,of all his beautiful and perfect work1 this is the most beautiful and perfect4 ,of all his benignant devices1 this is his most benign4 ,all the divine attributes1 all human happiness1 converge in male and female adaptations to mutual enjoyments4 ,each is correspondingly precious to the other4 ,man should prize many things1 yet woman is his pearl of greatest price4 ,he should preserve1 cherish1 husband many life possessions1 but woman the most4 ,he has many jewels in his crown of glory1 but she is his gem-jewel1 his diadem4 ,what masculine luxury equals making women in general1 and the loved one in particular1 happy8 ,the ,source of ,miseries4 ,beginning and conducting courtship as this chapter directs1 avoiding the errors and following the directions it specifies1 will just as surely render all superlatively happy as sun will rise to-morrow4 ,scan their sense4 ,do they not expound nature's love-initiating and consummating ordinances8 ,are they not worthy of being put into practice8 ,discordants1 can you not trace many of your antagonisms and miseries to their ignorant violation8 ,parents1 what are they worth to put into your children's hands1 to forewarn them against carelessly1 ignorantly1 spoiling their marriage8 ,young ladies1 what are they worth to you1 as showing you how to so treat your admirers as to gain and redouble their heart's devotion8 ,young men1 what are these warnings and teachings worth to you8 ,god in his natural laws will bless all who practice1 curse all who violate them4 ,the conduct during engagement on the part of the gentleman should be marked by the utmost courtesy toward and confidence in the woman of his choice2 a state of feeling which she should fully reciprocate4 ,in public their behavior toward one another should not be markedly different from that displayed by them toward other men and women of their acquaintance2 save that the bridegroom-elect should be on the watch that not the slightest wish of the lady be unfulfilled4 ,as for the lady1 while she is not expected to debar herself from accepting the customary courtesies extended by the gentlemen of her acquaintance1 a slight reserve should mark her conduct in accepting them4 ,at all places of amusement or entertainment she should appear either in the company of her fianc1 or that of some relative4 ,she should never captiously take offense at her fianc's showing the same attention to other ladies that she1 in her turn1 is willing to accept from other gentlemen1 and she should take the same pains to please his taste in trifles that he does to gratify her slightest wish4 ,this does not mean1 though1 that in the selfishness and blindness of love--and love is very blind and selfish sometimes--she is to shut herself up to his companionship at all times1 excluding him from the family circle of which he is so soon to become a member1 and pairing off on all occasions1 thus rendering both the mark for silly jestings4 ,how to ,cherish ,love4 ,but1 in sober matter-of-fact1 that little ring of gold does not mean utter blindness4 ,it does not mean that she is to devote her evenings exclusively to the chosen one1 ignoring her family entirely4 ,it does not mean that she is to accept valuable presents of all kinds at his hands1 to expect him to give up all his friends for her sake1 nor to confide all the secrets of the household to his keeping1 but1 as one wise woman says1 to guard herself in word and deed2 hold his love in the best way possible2 tie it firmly with the blue ribbon of hope1 and never let it be eaten away by the little fox who destroys so many loving ties1 and who is called familiarity4 ,neither is this counsel to be deemed over-cautious1 since1 alas6 even engagements are sometimes broken in this uncertain world1 and surely there is no womanly woman that would not in such an event reflect gladly1 as she took up her life once more at the old point1 that she had remembered these things4 ,a domineering1 jealous disposition on either side before marriage is not the best possible guarantee for after happiness1 and if these traits are clearly shown during an engagement1 the individual who escapes from such thraldom before it is too late has shown conclusively that discretion which is1 at times1 the better part of valor4 ,conduct ,toward ,parents4 ,the gentleman should exercise some tact in regard to his conduct toward the family of his betrothed4 ,marked attention should be shown toward the lady's mother4 ,he should accommodate himself as much as possible to the wishes1 habits and ways of the household1 and not being1 as yet1 a member of the family1 he should not presume to show an intrusive familiarity of conversation4 ,the lady1 on her part1 should strive to show consideration1 friendliness1 and a desire to please the parents of her husband-that-is-to-be4 ,thus both will unite in the endeavor to overcome that loving jealousy so natural on the part of those who see the claims of another grown paramount in the heart of one of their number1 and feel that these new links are fast becoming stronger than ties of blood and relationship4 ,the respective families should meet these advances with all kindness1 and should also endeavor1 in view of the new union pending between them1 to make1 if this be necessary1 one another's acquaintance as soon as convenient4 ,length of ,engagements4 ,engagements should not be entered upon prematurely1 a certain degree of acquaintanceship proving no mean preparation for an arrangement of this nature4 ,but when an engagement is once formed it should not1 in the majority of cases1 be of an undue length4 ,this is a matter to be settled by the wishes or the circumstances of the contracting parties4 ,it is oftimes the measure of wisdom1 where the obstacle is lack of fortune1 to risk some degree of deprivation1 rather than submit to a long-protracted engagement2 the man1 as head of the new home1 finding a fresh motive for ambitious striving1 and both parties being preserved from that coolness of feeling too attendant upon years of waiting4 ,no homes are happier than those constructed on the principle of economy and patient effort4 ,broken ,engagements4 ,not unfrequently does it occur that circumstances arise that render the dissolution of an engagement inevitable1 and1 as such a course1 unless mutual1 of necessity involves an injury to the feelings of one party1 great care and delicacy should be employed in approaching the subject4 ,if the occasion should arise on the lady's side1 it must be remembered that she is not bound to declare any other reason than her own sweet will4 ,it is better1 however1 for reasons to be frankly given1 that the step may not be attributed to mere caprice on her part4 ,on the side of the man the reasons must be strong1 indeed1 that can justify him in breaking a solemn engagement sought of his own free will1 and urged by him upon the object of his choice4 ,by thus releasing himself he not unfrequently leaves the lady in an embarrassing position before the public1 not to mention the possible injury that may be inflicted upon the deepest feelings of her heart4 ,if the cause should arise from any fault on the part of the lady1 a man of honor will ever preserve the strictest silence on the subject4 ,if from sudden failure in his own fortunes he should feel himself in duty bound to relinquish his hope of present happiness lest he selfishly drag another down to penury1 let the reason be carefully and clearly explained4 ,at the conclusion of an engagement let every gift1 including the engagement ring1 and all photographs and letters that have been exchanged between the two1 be promptly returned by each that as little as possible may remain to remind of the days that are done4 ,it is especially a point of honor on the gentleman's part to retain nothing that the lady may have given1 or written1 him4 ,etiquette of ,married ,life4 ,marriage1 to the elect1 may be fitly termed a state of grace1 but without a close observance of all the courtesies that tend to uplift everyday life in some degree above the narrowness of mere existence it may but too easily become what the old cynic declared it to be when he wrote1 ,marriage is a feast in which the grace is sometimes better than the dinner4 ,mutual confidence and mutual respect are the two principal factors in the case4 ,without these there can be none of that harmony so necessary to happiness in the state matrimonial4 ,and not only this1 but they should strive to be mutually entertaining4 ,the pains they took during their engagement to be agreeable to one another at a time when they were by no means entirely dependent upon themselves for companionship1 would surely not be amiss in rendering pleasant the years1 and it may be decades of years1 during which they must be to a great extent dependent upon each other for entertainment4 ,the young man who spent so much time at the home of a certain lady that he was finally asked why1 if he was in love with her1 he did not marry her1 uttered a sad truth when he answered1 ,ah1 but where then should ,i pass my evenings8 ,a reflection upon the agreeableness of married life that might easily be avoided by the exercise of care and tact on both sides4 ,the ,art of ,agreeableness4 ,philip ,gilbert ,hammerton1 in his ,intellectual ,life1 wisely suggests3 ,a married couple are clearly aware that1 in the course of a few years1 their society is sure to become mutually uninteresting unless something is done4 ,what is that something8 ,every author who succeeds1 takes the trouble to renew his mind by fresh knowledge1 new thoughts4 ,so1 is it not at least worth while to do as much to preserve the interest of marriage8 ,the wife who dresses for her husband's sake1 who reads that she may qualify herself for conversation with him1 who makes him the chief end of her cares1 and the husband who brings home from the outside world some of its life and animation to share with her1 who has a loving interest in all that she has done for his pleasure1 and1 if wealth be a stranger at their door1 stands ready to lift the heaviest burdens from her shoulders1 have solved for themselves the problem of married happiness1 and found it to be a condition wherein every joy is doubled and every sorrow halved4 ,duty ,toward ,one ,another4 ,let the wife have no confidant as to the little shortcomings of her husband1 over which love1 as well as pride1 should draw a sheltering veil4 ,never listen to an unkind tale of his past or present mistakes1 and count all those who would seek thus to destroy your peace of mind as your bitterest enemies4 ,let the husband in his turn remember that an unkind or slighting word spoken of his wife1 touches his own honor to the quick1 and be instant in resenting the words that should never have been spoken in his presence4 ,another point to be remembered in view of the duty of husband and wife toward one another1 is with reference to attending church or entertainments4 ,the wife has1 in all probability1 left a home where the different members of the household were ready to accompany each other whenever occasion served1 and young friends were planning many a pleasant outing1 and now she is wholly dependent upon her husband for all of these things4 ,let her beware1 under these circumstances1 of allowing herself to attend church1 lecture1 or any other evening entertainment1 in the company of well-meaning friends4 ,for the husband1 once seeing that his wife can attend these places without his assistance1 will soon1 if such be his disposition1 remain selfishly home at all times1 or1 if otherwise inclined1 still more selfishly find his amusement in places widely foreign to his wife's happiness or peace of mind4 ,the carelessness of many well-meaning men in this respect is the cause of very much unhappiness that might be wholly avoided by a little consideration as to the utter dependence of the wife upon her husband for all these recreations4 ,home ,attire4 ,this is a subject that it should be unnecessary to touch upon1 but1 unfortunately1 too many bright1 pretty1 carefully-dressed girls degenerate into careless1 fretful1 untidy and illy-clad young wives1 whose presence is anything but a joy forever to the individuals who must face them across the family board for three hundred and sixty-five days in every year4 ,and it is this careless young woman who is first to complain that ,john does not care for me in the least1 now we are married1 while ,john is very apt to think1 ,if ,carrie would only take just a little of the pains to please me now that she did six months ago1 how much happier we would be4 ,and ,john is quite right about it4 ,this very carelessness on the part of wives has marred the happiness of more than one new home4 ,the ribbon1 the flower1 the color that ,john likes and the smile that crowns all are magical in their effects4 ,then let ,john always remember to bring to this home a pleasant face1 from which business cares are driven away1 and a readiness to please and be pleased1 that meets the wife's attempts half way1 and the evening meal will be made delightful by pleasant chat1 which should never consist of a rsum of the day's tribulations1 but should turn on subjects calculated to remove from the mind all trace of their existence1 and thus will they arise at its close better and happier for the hour that has passed4 ,household and ,personal ,expenses4 ,one of the chief sources of unhappiness in married life is the strife arising from the vexed question of home and personal expenses4 ,in the first place1 the husband frequently fails in regard to openness with regard to his business concerns and profits2 thus the wife1 entirely ignorant as to what amount she may safely spend1 errs too often on the side of extravagance1 finding too late1 when a storm of reproach descends upon her innocent head1 where and how she has sinned4 ,then1 too1 it is often a sore trial to the wife's pride to ask for the money necessary to keep her own wardrobe in repair4 ,especially is this the case when1 before marriage1 she was in receipt of her own money1 earned by her own hands4 ,it seems to her that her husband ought to see that she has need of certain articles1 and the very fact that he does not1 leads her to the false supposition that he has ceased to care for her1 while he1 if there was any thought about it in his mind1 would say1 ,why doesn't she ask for money if she wants it8 ,she knows ,i will give it to her if ,i have it4 ,all these troubles would be avoided if married couples early came to a definite understanding on this subject1 and a certain sum were set aside which the wife was to receive weekly for household expenses1 her personal wants to be supplied from such surplus as she may be able to save from out this sum1 or in some other way provided for by a stated amount1 both of which sums should be under her exclusive1 unquestioned control4 ,some simple system of accounts should then be kept and regularly gone over together on every quarter4 ,a mutual agreement thus established on the money question1 much annoyance and much extravagance may be prevented4 ,it is not too much to suggest that1 perhaps1 it might not be amiss to present an account of the husband's expenses also1 at these quarterly reckonings4 ,above all things1 never let the wife1 from a weak desire to gratify her own personal vanity1 enter upon some extravagant purchase1 the amount of which she must conceal from her husband1 and 7vainly often7 strive to pay in small amounts saved or borrowed4 ,the result is usually exposure1 sometimes disgrace1 pecuniary loss and loss of esteem in the husband's eyes4 ,perfect confidence is the only basis upon which happiness can be safely founded4 ,a ,pleasant ,disposition4 ,cultivate1 on both sides1 a disposition to restrain all unseemly exhibitions of temper4 ,hysterics and prolonged and repeated fits of tears soon lose their effect1 and1 at the last1 a half-pitying contempt is their only result4 ,let all conversation be refined in its tone4 ,the force of example in this respect carries with it a silent1 impressive power that is not easily resisted and lapses therefrom involve a loss of this influence that cannot be easily estimated4 ,profanity1 too1 is a deadly foe in the household and any wife that permits her husband to swear in her presence1 either to herself1 or concerning others1 lessens her own self-respect each time it occurs4 ,that profanity can be repressed1 has been shown her by the fact that1 no matter how long the previous engagement may have lasted1 no word of such import escaped the man's lips in her presence1 and surely the woman chosen to be head of his home is no less worthy of his respect than was the girl he wooed4 ,the habit of indulging in cutting or harsh remarks is one to be guarded against4 ,mutual politeness should be exercised by both husband and wife1 and in all cases watch should be set over the mouth1 and the door of the lips well kept4 ,boarding ,versus ,home ,life4 ,the tendency in all large cities1 at this present time1 points toward fashionable boarding-houses1 or expensive lodging-houses1 as the nuclei round which the newly-married most do congregate4 ,it may be that the wife is utterly unused to the care of a house 7in which case the sooner she learn the art1 the happier for both parties7 or1 perhaps1 the financial resources of the husband are unable to support the drain consequent upon furnishing a home that shall gratify the foolish pride of the wife4 ,but1 whatever the cause1 the effects are the same1 and are to be found in the utter unfitness of women adopting this manner of existence for any of the serious duties of life that1 sooner or later1 come upon all who wear this mortal garb4 ,then1 too1 in the idle1 censorious1 gossiping1 novel-reading life that flourishes in this hothouse existence1 the seeds of lifelong misery are not infrequently sown4 ,let a home1 then1 however small1 be one of the first considerations in beginning the married life1 and let the adding to1 and the beautifying of1 this precious possession be the duty and the privilege of the years to come4 ,to the wife1 in her housewifely rle1 belongs the care of overseeing or accomplishing with her own hands1 the varied duties that go to secure the daily well-being of the home4 ,she must see that the rooms are bright1 neat1 and cosily arranged2 that the meals are appetizingly and punctually served1 and be herself neatly and tastefully attired to preside at the table4 ,due allowances are to be made for the amount of manual labor she has been obliged to perform with her own hands1 still1 by care and tact a woman can always maintain a certain degree of neatness4 ,let the husband1 on his part1 bring into the home cheerfulness1 with a quick remembrance of all those little attentions that go so far toward making up the sum of earthly happiness4 ,let him see that1 to the best of his ability1 the home wants are provided for1 and be not forgetful to lend the help of his stronger hand wherever needed4 7,read carefully other hints in department of ,home ,etiquette47 ,never demand of your wife more than you are willing to give4 ,if you desire to be received with smiles1 enter the house with a cheerful mien1 and you will find there are few women who are not willing to give measure for measure1 and even a little more than they receive of kindly attention4 ,for a wife will usually shine1 like the moon1 by reflection1 and her happiness will always reflect your own4 ,illustration ,,weddings ,,and ,,wedding ,,anniversaries4 ,illustration ,in discussing the important subject of etiquette as connected with weddings and wedding anniversaries1 it may be mentioned here that the forms for invitations to all occasions of this sort1 and acceptances and regrets of the same1 card-sending1 etc41 have been fully treated in their respective departments4 ,the observances immediately preceding1 during1 and following the ceremony1 are now to receive consideration4 ,paying for the ,cards4 ,the form1 size and use of these important bits of pasteboard having been before stated1 it only remains for us to say here that all the expenses relative to their purchase and distribution are to be borne solely by the parents or other guardians of the bride4 ,to have it otherwise implies a lack of delicacy on the part of the bride1 and lays upon her a certain amount of obligation which every right-minded girl would desire1 above all things1 to avoid4 ,hence when the parents are financially unable to incur the expense1 good taste demands that all display be abandoned and the couple be quietly married in the presence of the family only4 ,the bride should always remember that until the fateful words are spoken that make the twain one flesh1 she has no claim whatever on the purse of her future husband1 and conduct herself accordingly4 ,hence it is that a very plain trousseau is more commendable to the self-respect of the wearer1 than the elaborate outfittings1 toward the purchase of which the groom-expectant has largely contributed1 and which1 in case of the oft-recurring slip twixt the cup and the lip1 must weigh heavily upon the maiden's pride4 ,even the after cards are usually ordered by the parents with the others1 and paid for at the same time4 ,if1 however1 they are ordered after marriage1 they are paid for by the groom4 ,there is only one exception to the rule of the bride's parents paying for the wedding cards1 and this occurs when the wedding ceremony is performed quietly in church and the reception1 for some reason1 is held at the home of the groom's parents1 in which case they1 as the entertainers1 properly pay for1 and issue1 the cards of invitation4 ,the groom1 in ,england1 always pays for the carriage that conveys himself and bride to the station after the ceremony and reception are past1 but in this country the fashionable father usually claims the privilege of sending them on this first stage of their married life in his own carriage4 ,however1 the groom buys the ring and a bouquet for the bride1 furnishes dainty presents for the bridemaids1 remembers the best man and the ushers1 pays the clergyman's fee1 the size of which is to be regulated only by his inclination1 or the length of his purse-strings1 and furnishes the marriage license4 ,naming the ,day4 ,this privilege belongs by right to the lady herself1 but1 in reality1 the business engagements of the groom1 and the time when he can best leave for the bridal tour have much to do in settling the exact date for which the invitations shall be issued4 ,in very fashionable circles it is the mother that names the day of her daughter's marriage4 ,time was when during the two weeks1 or longer1 elapsing between the issuing of the invitations and the occurrence of the wedding1 the bride-expectant was not to be seen in public1 nor by chance callers at the house1 a custom which still prevails to some extent1 but is superseded in the most fashionable circles by a series of especial entertainments given during this interval4 ,it frequently happens that one1 or each1 of the bridemaids entertains the bride and other bridemaids at a lunch or dinner1 either informally or on a large scale4 ,some married friend of the family may give a large farewell dinner to ,miss ---- and her bridemaids2 and the bride herself1 or her mother1 may give a rehearsal dinner4 ,ordinary invitations1 however1 are not to be accepted4 ,if the presents are not to be exhibited at the wedding reception1 the bride frequently gives an informal tea the day before to her lady friends for the purpose of displaying them4 ,she should also1 for her health's sake1 take a daily drive4 ,announcing the ,engagement4 ,an engagement is now frequently announced in rather a formal manner4 ,this1 however1 is not usually done until a short time previous to the marriage itself4 ,sometimes it comes out in the society papers immediately after it has been made known to the kinfolk and intimate friends4 ,felicitations follow as a matter of course4 ,sometimes a dinner-party is given by the parents of the bride-elect and the announcement is made by the host just before leaving the table4 ,congratulations follow4 ,sometimes notes are written by the young lady or her mother in announcement4 ,if the families of the contracting parties have been strangers heretofore it is expected that the gentleman's family will make the first call4 ,any friends that choose may give entertainments in honor of the couple4 ,the lady does not make any ceremonious calls after this announcement has been made1 it being supposed that before this occurs she shall have left cards upon all her friends4 ,if no formal announcement is made the bride-to-be must1 before invitations are issued1 leave cards with her friends and acquaintances4 ,in the city she need not enter to make a personal call1 in the country she will probably find it necessary so to do4 ,wedding ,gifts4 ,there is much to be said for and against the custom of wedding presents4 ,and while the fact remains that they too often become the vehicle for an expenditure so uncalled-for as to encroach upon vulgarity in its excess1 another fact still exists1 that the simple remembrances of friends are very grateful to the bride1 who1 perhaps1 is bound for a distant home where every loving token will recall a well-known face4 ,then remember your friends on their wedding day1 wisely1 and according to their tastes and your own resources1 for3 ,policy counselleth a gift1 ,given wisely and in season1 ,and policy afterward approveth it1 ,for great is the power of gifts4 ,by those so desiring1 the words1 ,no presents1 or ,no presents received1 may be engraved in the left hand corner of the card4 ,this is often a relief to many of the guests1 and1 at the same time does not prevent the very intimate friends1 as well as members of the family1 from sending quietly such gifts as they may choose1 which1 of course1 are not exhibited4 ,where presents are to be given they are frequently sent some time in advance1 and the bride often takes much pleasure in arranging them for exhibition in some upstairs room4 ,each article is accompanied by the card of the giver2 these are removed or not1 as may be desired before exhibition4 ,the bride acknowledges the reception of each gift by a graceful little note of thanks4 ,some of them doubtless will come from persons unknown to her1 friends of the groom1 and to these she must be especially prompt in returning her acknowledgments4 ,list of ,invitations4 ,making up the list of invitations should be attended to carefully4 ,the engaged couple should carefully prepare their respective lists and the mother of the bride should attentively scan names1 for from this is to be made up the future visiting list of her daughter1 and she cannot but hesitate at burdening her at the outset of her new life with a host of calling acquaintances1 hence is forced to exclude every ineligible name2 a cutting painful but oftimes necessary4 ,ushers4 ,the duties of the ushers in a church wedding are very important4 ,at large weddings as many as half a dozen1 or more1 ushers are sometimes needed to manage the great number of guests4 ,they usually appoint one of their number as head usher1 and to him falls the duty of deciding on the space to be reserved for near relatives1 which is to be divided from the remainder of the church by white ribbons4 ,he makes sure that the organist is in place1 indicates the approach of the bridal party that the ,wedding ,march may greet them1 and instructs the other ushers as to their respective duties4 ,ushers must escort guests to their seats1 and as relatives of the groom are seated on the right of the main aisle1 or center of the church1 and those of the bride on the left1 it is proper for an usher to ask any one with whom he may be unacquainted whether their relationship is to the bride or groom4 ,in escorting guests to their seats an usher gives his right arm to a lady4 ,a gentleman who may be in her company should follow after4 ,the guests assembled1 part of the ushers should leave the church at once and drive to the bride's residence in order to be there to receive the bridal party upon their return4 ,the ,best ,man4 ,the best man is usually an intimate friend or relative of the groom4 ,he drives to the church with him1 stands by his side at the altar-rails while he awaits the approach of the bride1 and1 stepping back1 it is he that holds the groom's hat during the ceremony and hands it to him at its close4 ,to him is confided the payment of the wedding fee1 and if there is a marriage register he signs as a witness4 ,he then drives by himself to the bride's home1 reaching there in time to receive the bridal party and to assist the ushers in the presentation of guests to the newly-married couple4 ,he also makes the necessary arrangements about their departure1 secures the tickets1 and1 if their destination is to be kept a secret1 to him alone is it confided4 ,it occasionally happens that there are as many groomsmen as there are bridemaids1 but this is the exception and the best man takes their place4 ,the ushers frequently form1 two and two1 and precede the bridal party up the aisle4 ,bridemaids4 ,the number of these is optional1 from one to twelve being allowable4 ,four1 six or eight are usually chosen4 ,unmarried sisters of the bride and groom are frequently selected4 ,custom emphatically declares that they must be younger than the bride4 ,for an elder sister thus to officiate would be extremely inappropriate4 ,indeed1 the favored fashion of the present time is for little tots1 all the way from three or four to eight1 clad in bewitchingly quaint and picturesque costumes and crowned by the largest of ,gainsboro' hats1 to precede the bridal couple to the chancel4 ,in addition to these1 the bride is followed by a chosen number of bridemaids as well1 but often the children are all4 ,frequently they carry baskets of flowers1 and1 preceding the newly-made wife in her progress down the church aisle1 they scatter the blossoms in her pathway4 ,sometimes this order is changed1 and children rise in groups from seats near the front1 and1 preceding the bridal cortge to the door1 scatter flowers before them4 ,children selected for this purpose should be under ten4 ,young boys1 selected from among relatives1 are sometimes dressed as pages and accompany the bride as train-bearers4 ,bridemaids usually consult the bride as to their toilets1 and each other as well1 that there may be no unfortunate combinations of color to mar the effect of the whole4 ,they usually dress in colors1 unless the bride choose some faint tint for her costume2 then it is customary for them to wear pure white1 and sometimes the whole group are clad in spotless purity4 ,the bridemaids' gowns are walking length1 as a rule1 and they wear large1 picturesque hats1 overshadowed with plumes or adorned with flowers1 and carry huge bunches1 or baskets1 of fragrant blossoms4 ,wealthy brides1 who have some special fancy to carry out1 often provide the gowns for their maids4 ,historic styles are frequently chosen1 making every gown after the exact mode of the epoch selected1 but adopting a different color for each4 ,where there is but one bridemaid1 if she be escorted at all1 which is not always done1 it should be by some friend1 not the best man1 whose duties in attendance on the groom are all-sufficient4 ,bridemaids should not refuse the proffered honor1 if possible for them to accept4 ,if1 after acceptance1 unforeseen circumstances should occur to prevent participation in the festivities1 no time should be lost in sending a regret and full explanation1 so that her place may be supplied in time to prevent disarrangement of the entire plan4 ,a ,church ,wedding4 ,a church wedding is more picturesque and solemn than any other form of celebrating the marriage rite and the etiquette of all full-dress affairs of this nature is essentially the same4 ,the groom drives first to the church1 accompanied by his best man and enters either vestry or church parlor4 ,the relatives1 the mother of the bride and the bridemaids now drive to the church in carriages1 closely followed by the carriage of the bride and her father4 ,by this time it is supposed that the carpet and awning1 if it is a city church1 are in place1 the invited guests assembled1 and the bridal procession immediately forms1 entering the church and passing up the aisle to the strains of the wedding march4 ,in ,england a lovely innovation is made on this threadbare custom by having a chorus of boy-voices sing an epithalamium1 or wedding ode1 during their progress4 ,this custom has found its way here in some ritualistic churches where the vested choir march1 two and two1 at the head of the bridal procession1 singing as they march4 ,sometimes as high as forty1 and even seventy1 in number swell the cortge4 ,the order of progression is as follows3 first the ushers1 7unless there are choristers to take the lead7 who march up the aisle by twos1 keeping step with the music1 then1 if there are child-bridemaids1 they follow in the same order4 ,some brides have two1 some four or six of these dainty dots of maids4 ,the children are followed by the grown bridemaids1 also two by two4 ,sometimes children alone fill the place1 there being no grown maids4 ,the maids1 both children and grown folk1 are arranged according to their height and the harmony of color in their gowns4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,marriage ,,ceremony4 ,after them comes the bride leaning on the right arm of her father4 ,it sometimes happens that she walks up the aisle alone1 and again that she is accompanied by some male relative who is to take a father's place in giving her away4 ,occasionally young brothers1 mere boys in age1 are permitted to assume this touching duty4 ,at the altar steps the ushers separate and pass to the right and left1 the bridemaids also separate in a similar manner1 leaving space for the bridal couple4 ,the groom1 having come from the vestry1 accompanied by the best man1 should be standing in readiness to advance1 take the bride by her right hand and turn to the clergyman1 who proceeds with the marriage formula sanctioned by his faith4 ,at that point in the service where the question is asked1 ,who giveth this woman to be married to this man8 the father1 or whoever takes his place1 should bow1 and then in a moment leave the group and seat himself beside the bride's mother in the front pew at the left4 ,in a ritualistic church the bride and groom at once kneel before the officiating clergyman1 who will signify to them at what point of the service to rise4 ,hassocks should be provided for the occasion4 ,the first bridemaid1 or maid of honor1 takes her stand close to1 and slightly back of1 the bride1 that she may be ready to take her bouquet1 if she has one1 remove her glove1 or1 as is the better custom in this day of many-buttoned gloves1 to turn back the neatly-ripped glove-finger that the ring may be adjusted1 and to hold her bouquet or prayer-book when necessary4 ,in the meantime1 it is the best man who hands the ring to the clergymen in readiness for use4 ,after the ,ceremony4 ,the service over1 which may or may not have been accompanied by low1 slow music1 the clergyman shakes hands with and congratulates the newly-wedded couple 7kissing being no longer permissible71 the groom draws the bride's right hand within his left arm and conducts her to the carriage1 taking the center aisle if the church have one2 if not1 taking the opposite from that by which they entered1 the bride1 her veil over her face1 neither recognizing nor paying the slightest apparent heed to any one in the church4 ,the organ peals forth1 the procession re-forms and follows to the door1 first the bridemaids1 next the ushers4 ,if there have been choristers1 they lead the line1 chanting as before1 until their voices die out of hearing in the vestibule4 ,often1 too1 the child-bridemaids precede the couple as they leave the church1 scattering flowers before them1 the whole forming a very pretty pageant to the eye4 ,the church may have been richly decorated with flowers and potted plants4 ,where there is but one bridemaid or maid of honor1 as she is then called1 she attends to all the duties necessary1 but the bridal procession is shorn somewhat of its fair proportions4 ,the vestibule reached1 certificate or church register signed1 the bride is cloaked1 and1 entering a carriage with her husband1 is quickly driven home1 the guests remaining in their seats until the cessation of the wedding march1 when they1 too1 enter their carriages4 ,meanwhile the best man takes the shortest route possible to the same destination in order to assist the head usher1 who with1 perhaps1 some of the other ushers1 is supposed to be already there1 in receiving the bridal party and guests as they reach the house4 ,the remaining ushers busy themselves in assisting the bridemaids to their carriages and speeding them onward that they1 if possible1 may reach the house in time to receive the bride and groom4 ,if the church wedding be in the evening the same order will be observed1 save that the gentlemen wear evening dress4 ,the ,reception4 ,at the house the ushers introduce the guests to the newly-married couple who1 together with the bridemaids1 form a group to receive the good wishes of the company4 ,the parents of the bride stand a little apart from this party and receive the felicitations of their guests in behalf of their daughter's welfare4 ,the parents of the groom1 if present1 form part of this group4 ,if the company is very large it is well to divide the centers of attractions by placing the young couple in one room and the parents in another1 thus compelling a freer circulation of the guests1 who else would crowd the bridal party to suffocation4 ,the house may be profusely decorated with flowers1 and the rooms though daylight reign without1 may have been carefully darkened only to be re-illuminated by the softer radiance of waxen candles or shaded gas jets4 ,refreshments4 ,the banquet may be as elaborate as desired1 but is usually served in the refreshment room from the buffet1 guests repairing thither at any time where they are served by attendants1 ushers seeing that ladies unattended by gentlemen are invited to partake and properly served4 ,tea or coffee is not considered a necessity1 though1 in compliance with tastes that do not yield easily to fashion's decree1 it is usually to be had1 but in winter bouillon1 in cups1 is usually offered4 ,wine1 of course1 depends upon the scruples of the entertainers4 ,salads1 lobster1 salmon1 etc41 birds and dainty rolled sandwiches1 do duty for meats4 ,fancy cakes1 such as maccaroons1 kisses1 etc41 are always offered1 together with ices4 ,the variety of other cakes is always at the option of the hostess1 save the regulation rich black fruit1 or groom's cake1 and the bride's snowy loaf4 ,these are necessities1 and if the bride so far conform to the old custom of cutting the cake as to make one incision therein with a wonderful silver knife1 ye ancient superstition is satisfied1 and the work of cutting it and packing in dainty boxes to be carried home1 if this be wished1 is deputed to attendants4 ,these boxes are deposited in some convenient place within reach of the departing guests4 ,when there are a number of elderly guests it is generally thought best to set two or more small tables in the refreshment-room1 or an ante-room1 where they may be comfortably accommodated with seats1 and one of the ushers should see that they are so seated and promptly served4 ,rehearsals4 ,in view of the complicated arrangements made necessary for the proper carrying out of a fashionable church wedding1 and in consideration of the large number of people involved in the ceremony and the necessity of each one being in the right place at the right moment1 in order to prevent confusion1 it will be seen that some preparation is necessary before all can act in concert4 ,the needed drill is usually given by an exact rehearsal of the entire affair1 to give which1 the whole party meet at the church and rehearse1 so to speak1 their respective parts2 the forming into procession1 the parting right and left at the chancel and the re-forming to return to the vestibule1 being all gone through with to the sound of music1 until every part of the long procession moves like clockwork4 ,the grouping of the bridemaids1 the appointed duties of maid of honor and best man1 even to the smallest details1 are all made perfect1 until even the principal actors in the scene can retire without fear of any disaster to come4 ,this rehearsal is frequently made the occasion of a rehearsal dinner1 given by the mother of the bride1 at which the intimate participants of the wedding-to-come entertain and refresh themselves4 ,the ,wedding ,breakfast4 ,wedding breakfasts are an exclusively ,english fashion1 but are gradually creeping into favor here4 ,the breakfast does not differ from the ordinary reception1 save that it is usually at an earlier hour and is more frequently a sit-down affair4 ,the guests all go into the refreshment room at the same time1 even though it sometimes happens that the assembly is so large that no one but the bridal party and immediate relatives are provided with seats at small tables4 ,in this case1 the gentlemen help the ladies and themselves from a long table in the center of the room1 the whole affair1 under these circumstances1 being simply a cold collation4 ,gentlemen leave their hats in the hall2 ladies retain bonnet and gloves4 ,after the usual greetings to the bridal pair and a few minutes general conversation1 the repast is announced and the guests proceed to the appointed room in the usual fashion--bride and groom1 bride's father and groom's mother1 groom's father and bride's mother1 best man and maid of honor1 other bridemaids and gentlemen appointed1 usually ushers1 etc4 ,a stand-up breakfast has many things in its favor4 ,it is more easily served than one where all the guests are seated at a table that1 in everything but name1 is a dinner table2 it is less formal and therefore pleasanter1 and far more guests can be accommodated4 ,the refreshments are the same as for a reception4 ,departure4 ,after mingling with the guests for a short time the bride quietly withdraws to don her traveling garb1 and soon descends the stairway4 ,she is met at the foot by her bridemaids1 who part and form in line on either hand1 through which dainty pathway she passes to join the groom4 ,quick good-bys are said1 the carriage is entered and whirls rapidly away1 followed by showers of rice and cast-off slippers1 and the pretty scene is ended4 ,home ,weddings4 ,home weddings are attended with much less trouble1 fatigue and expense than fashionable church weddings4 ,the clergyman enters the room and stands facing the people2 the bridal couple follow and stand facing him4 ,hassocks are provided for kneeling1 if desired4 ,the father1 or some near male relative1 stands ready1 in sight of the clergyman1 to give away the bride4 ,he should simply bow his affirmation when the question is asked4 ,there are many additions that may be made to this simple ceremony1 such as a troop of pretty children holding white ribbons each side to mark the path the bridal pair must walk to reach the minister1 while the sweet strains of a hidden band of musicians may accompany their footsteps4 ,floral decorations1 within limits1 are beautiful and appropriate1 but where they are so lavishly displayed as to remind more of the florist's bill than the beauty of the blossoms1 their effect is lost in a certain vulgarity that attends all too-visible evidences of outlay4 ,one pretty idea is to carry out the fancy of having one kind of flower1 massed according to the chosen design1 serve for the decorations1 at flower weddings2 for example1 rose weddings1 lily weddings1 daffodil weddings1 etc4 ,the design itself is according to the taste of the florist or the family1 and is a subject changing so easily with the season or the fashion as to merit no mention here4 ,the supper may be as elegant an affair as one chooses to make it4 ,if served by caterers1 all care is removed from the hostess as to possible accidents1 and she is left free to entertain her guests4 ,at evening weddings the company remains late or not1 according to the hour of the bride's departure4 ,sometimes dancing is arranged as one of the evening's amusements4 ,if so1 the bride may1 if she choose1 open the first quadrille with the best man4 ,should she do this1 the groom is expected to dance with the first bridemaid4 ,the bride can slip away at any time1 to reappear in traveling costume1 and bidding a quick farewell1 disappear from the company1 who1 after this1 begin to disperse4 ,one most pleasant custom1 ,english in its origin1 should not be forgotten2 it is that of remembering all the servants with some little gift as a souvenir of the occasion4 ,invitations to ,church ,weddings4 ,there is a good deal of dispute in regard to the etiquette of acknowledgment of a card for a church wedding4 ,some high authorities assert that the invitation is so general and means so little particular attention that no notice need be taken of it except in the regular line of future visits to the bride and to the bride's mother4 ,but one of our ,american social oracles declares that a card is obligatory at the hour of the wedding1 if one cannot attend1 and that if the house address is unknown1 this card should be sent to the church4 ,if this is necessary1 most people err woefully1 for few non-attendants send the card4 ,for church weddings everything pertains to formality1 and the invitation as well as the ceremony is impressive in all details4 ,the names of the parents heading the invitation are now more often written in full1 thus insuring a good-looking line at the top of the note4 ,the line1 request the honor of your presence1 almost invariably appears on a church invitation with honor spelled with a u4 ,the names of bride and groom are separated by the little word to1 although some consider and quite as proper4 ,the omission of the prefix ,miss from the daughter's name is customary on an invitation but should never occur when the bride is a sister1 cousin or niece of the people issuing the invitations4 ,if a widow is re-marrying1 she uses the prefix ,mrs4 with her ,christian names and the surname of her deceased husband4 ,if the bride is an orphan1 with no one to issue the invitations for her1 the heading reads1 ,the honor of your presence is requested1 etc4 ,when the bride has more names than one it is customary to use all4 ,the address of a well-known church is generally omitted1 although it is frequently a convenience for out-of-town friends to know it4 ,names of churches ending with s1 as ,saint ,thomas1 are written with an apostrophe s--thus1 ,saint ,thomas's4 ,dress for the ,occasion4 ,the ,bride's ,dress may be as elegant as desired1 or as simple1 but it is to be hoped that the custom of using pure white in the composition of the toilet will not be superseded by any passing freak of ,dame ,fashion's for softly tinted bridal robes4 ,this innovation should be stoutly resisted by all brides-to-be4 ,if the white robe is simple in material1 a simple style should be chosen for the making2 richer goods allow of more elaboration4 ,the bride wears no jewels1 and the typical orange-blossoms and myrtle are supposed to crown her brow4 ,as a fact1 however1 other white flowers1 such as roses1 lilacs1 lilies-of-the-valley1 are more frequently chosen4 ,where the wedding decorations are of one flower exclusively1 that blossom alone figures in the bridal wreath and bouquet4 ,some ,high ,church brides carry an ivory or silver-bound prayer-book in preference to flowers2 thus associating it with the most sacred vows of their life and hoping to preserve it as an heirloom in the family4 ,white shoes and gloves are to be worn with this toilet4 ,the best taste prescribes a high corsage for the bridal costume1 and sleeves either to the elbow or longer1 in either case to be met by the long kid gloves4 ,this gives a certain modesty to the toilet that is in keeping with the occasion4 ,by many brides who expect to wear their bridal costume to after evening entertainments1 the wedding gown is frequently supplied with two corsages2 the high for the wedding day and the low for evening wear4 ,the ,veil is usually of thin1 sheer tulle1 as this is most becoming to the face1 but those brides who can display fine old point on this occasion will be very apt so to do4 ,if the bridal costume is to be worn on any other occasion1 it must be divested of orange-blossoms and worn without the veil4 ,the above-described costume is appropriate for either a morning or evening wedding4 ,brides1 who are married in traveling costume1 should wear a bonnet rather than a hat4 ,the ,groom's ,dress is decided by the hour at which the wedding takes place4 ,if it is in the evening1 the conventional evening dress is imperative4 ,black suit1 dress coat1 low-cut waistcoat1 white tie1 white or pale pearl-colored gloves1 thin patent leather shoes and possibly a white flower in the buttonhole1 constitute proper costume4 ,morning ,costume4 ,at a morning wedding1 that is1 one taking place at any hour between ten and seven 7before which time a dress suit can by no possibility appear7 full morning costume is worn by the groom4 ,this consists of a dark frock coat1 dark waistcoat and lighter trousers2 a stiff hat1 a light scarf and gloves if desired4 ,the gloves should be light but not evening tints2 pale tan or gray being suitable4 ,the ,groomsmen's ,dress is decided by the hour and by the dress of the groom1 of which it is a faithful copy4 ,the ,usher's ,dress follows the same law as that of the groomsmen1 save that if wedding favors are worn it is by the ushers only4 ,the other gentlemen present will find it well to copy the same styles1 save that those only who are immediately connected with the ceremony are expected to wear white gloves4 ,the ,bridemaid's ,dress has been already described4 ,friends in ,mourning are expected to lay aside their somber robings for this hour4 ,even the widowed mother is bound to don either a pale gray1 or a deep purple1 costume for the occasion1 the presence of black at so joyous a moment always casting a certain shadow over the party4 ,the ,traveling ,dress4 ,this is occasionally worn by brides who do not wish to incur the haste and annoyance of changing their costume before leaving for the bridal tour4 ,this is done at times even when the ceremony is performed in church1 but is almost always resorted to where the wedding is quiet4 ,sometimes this dress is as elaborate as is at all consistent with good taste for traveling1 and when this is the case it is usually exchanged for the regulation traveling gown at the first stopping place in their journey4 ,more frequently1 and more appropriately1 the plain tailor-made suit1 with gloves and hat in harmony1 is made to do duty4 ,in any case where the bride chooses to wear a traveling costume1 even should the ceremony be performed in the evening1 the groom will wear a morning costume4 ,a ,quiet ,wedding4 ,to many people the idea of so much splendor and ceremony on the occasion of their marriage has in it something distasteful1 and to others the physical weariness thereby incurred is almost an impossibility4 ,in this case the quietest of ceremonies may be chosen4 ,it may take place in church if the bride desire this further seal of solemnity set upon the service1 with parents and one or two friends for witnesses2 or at home with the family and clergyman only present1 the bridal couple being driven from thence directly to the depot if the stereotyped wedding tour is to follow4 ,re-marriage4 ,a widow1 re-marrying1 no matter how youthful she may be1 is prohibited from wearing the white gown1 veil and orange-blossoms of the bride4 ,neither may she surround herself with a bevy of bridemaids4 ,her wedding1 to be absolutely correct1 should be quietly solemnized and her garb a traveling dress4 ,still1 if she should wish1 she may wear the most elegant of tinted silks1 the most elaborate in make-up1 and have a large and elegant assembly to witness her marriage and participate in its festivities1 but no bridemaids are allowable4 ,at a church wedding she should be attended by her father1 brother1 other male relative1 or some friend4 ,she should always remove the first wedding ring from her finger before the service and not again assume it4 ,invitations to the marriage of a widow are engraved with her whole name1 maiden and married1 thus3 ,,elizabeth ,,stuart ,,fielding4 ,if she have sons or unmarried daughters at the time of her second marriage she should prefix their last name to her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they also are interested1 thus3 ,,mrs4 ,,stuart ,,fielding ,,grant and ,,miss ,,fielding1 ,at ,home4 #bj ,grosvenor ,square4 ,the ,ring4 ,the fourth finger of the left hand1 counting from the thumb1 is the finger upon which the engagement and wedding rings are worn4 ,the engagement ring varies in extravagance according to the means of the groom1 and has almost always a set of some description2 the wedding ring is always the same1 a plain1 round-edged band of gold4 ,initials and dates may be engraved in both4 ,the engagement ring is usually worn afterward as a guard for the wedding ring4 ,as to its setting there is a wide latitude given wherein all the pretty conceits and superstitions attached to precious stones may be exercised at will4 ,the ,german consider pearls unlucky for brides1 as significant of tears4 ,birth-month stones may be used1 even the fateful opal losing its power for harm when worn by an ,october maiden4 ,the turquoise is perhaps the favored of precious stones for this purpose4 ,the old ,persian proverb says that ,he that hath a turquoise hath a friend4 ,its known power of turning pale under certain climatic influences has invested it in story with the power of not only warding off evil influences1 rendering its wearer constant and assuring success in love1 but still more of revealing by a certain pallor of coloring1 coming danger or the existence of inconstancy in its wearer4 ,it is also said that in case of a fall the turquoise takes all injury upon itself2 the stone being fractured and the owner being uninjured4 ,add to this the item that the stone must be a gift1 not a purchase1 to possess these marvelous powers1 and it will be seen that it is admirably suited to adorn an engagement ring4 ,the diamond is another very appropriate stone for this purpose1 either solitaire or in cluster4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,wedding ,,gift4 ,reception ,days4 ,it is necessary for the bride to include her new address with her wedding invitations1 unless1 as is still more chic1 cards for several reception days are issued after her return4 ,these dates being fixed1 it is then that first calls may be made upon her at her new residence with the happy certainty of finding her at home4 ,at these quiet1 informal receptions1 she receives simply as a member of society1 wearing usually a rich1 dark silk without any reminders of her recent bridehood4 ,,wedding ,,anniversaries4 ,the wedding anniversaries are numerous1 but only a few of these are habitually observed4 ,paper1 wooden1 tin1 crystal1 silver and golden are the favorite ones1 the others being so rare as to hardly merit being included in the list4 ,the following complete list of the anniversaries1 with the respective dates of their occurrence1 may be useful for reference3 ,first ,anniversary ,paper ,wedding4 ,second ,anniversary ,cotton ,wedding4 ,third ,anniversary ,leather ,wedding4 ,fifth ,anniversary ,wooden ,wedding4 ,seventh ,anniversary ,woolen ,wedding4 ,tenth ,anniversary ,tin ,wedding4 ,twelfth ,anniversary ,silk and ,linen ,wedding4 ,fifteenth ,anniversary ,crystal ,wedding4 ,twentieth ,anniversary ,china 7sometimes ,floral7 ,wedding4 ,twenty-,fifth ,anniversary ,silver ,wedding4 ,thirtieth ,anniversary ,pearl ,wedding4 ,thirty-,fifth ,anniversary ,coral ,wedding4 ,fortieth ,anniversary ,ruby ,wedding4 ,forty-,fifth ,anniversary ,bronze ,wedding4 ,fiftieth ,anniversary ,golden ,wedding4 ,sixty-,fifth ,anniversary ,crown-,diamond ,wedding4 ,seventy-,fifth ,anniversary ,diamond ,wedding4 ,it may be well to mention here that the twentieth anniversary is considered unlucky to celebrate1 or even to mention4 ,the manner of sending out invitations and accepting and refusing the same has been fully described in the proper department1 and a few words only will be necessary as to the gifts and entertainment suitable on such occasions4 ,tin and ,paper ,weddings and some other of the earlier anniversaries are usually occasions for happy frolics1 and merry jests as to the form the gifts will take1 though the paper wedding gives place for the presentation of elegant books1 and a supply of fashionable stationery that is sufficient to fill the family needs for a long space of time4 ,suitable ,presents4 ,the ,wooden ,wedding is a little more expensive in its demands1 and the gifts range from elegant suites of carved furniture down to dainty bits of hand-carving in the shape of panels and placques2 and from rolling-pin and potato-masher all the way up to oaken mantles1 rich with all manner of ingenious fret-work of design4 ,the ,crystal ,wedding may also show forth a glittering array of gifts both ornamental and useful4 ,the ,silver ,wedding is1 perhaps1 the most important of all the wedding anniversaries4 ,this arises partly from the fact that it is most generally observed1 partly because of the value of its gifts1 and1 more than aught else1 because the date of its observance finds the happy pair still in the enjoyment of comparative youth and with length of days still before them4 ,in the matter of presents it is almost impossible to go amiss1 since there is scarcely an article of use or ornament from dining-room to reception-room and from the library desk to my lady's toilet table1 that has not been made a thing of beauty and a joy forever by the silversmith's art4 ,the ,golden ,wedding1 from the advanced age at which it occurs1 has an element of sadness in its celebration4 ,the aged couple who stand so near the brink of separation can have little of bridal joy as they look back to the day when they stood before the altar in the first flush of youth1 with life before them1 or as they look forward to the shortened span of years that links them to their loved ones here4 ,the gifts that are laid before them should be fitly wrought of gold1 since their love has been as gold tried in the furnace of life4 ,if the family means are insufficient for numerous valuable gifts1 let all the friends club together and purchase some fitting souvenir for the occasion4 ,golden-rod forms an appropriate floral decoration4 ,but1 after all1 the chief idea and the pleasure of this anniversary is the gathering together of as many as possible of the relatives that yet remain to greet the pair at this1 the golden milestone of their life's journey4 ,speeches and ,congratulations4 ,the ,diamond ,wedding occurs so seldom1 and is so much like the others in the manner1 if not the matter of its gifts1 as to scarcely require mention here4 ,the entertainment at these anniversary celebrations is very much the same as at weddings or other gatherings4 ,the refreshments may be served at tables1 or a stand up collation given4 ,in this latter case1 there should be one or two tables set for the elders of the party4 ,at ,silver and ,golden ,weddings presentation speeches are frequently made by some friend1 and at golden anniversaries a regular program is oftentimes carried out4 ,anniversary poems are read1 ,the ,hanging of the ,crane recited1 congratulatory telegrams from absent friends are announced1 and any old acquaintances present that can be persuaded to say a few words of ye olden times are pressed into service4 ,good taste1 however1 would seem to prevent any repetition of the marriage service on such an occasion4 ,cards in acknowledgment of bridal presents are worded in the following fashion3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,george ,h4 ,,brandon express sincere thanks to ---- for the beautiful wedding gift4 ,june #ahth4 #fb ,west #abfth street4 ,an ultra-fashionable bride1 supplying herself with several packages of these stereotyped acknowledgments1 has nothing to do but fill in the name of the sender and thus avoid infinite labor4 ,illustration3 ,,an ,,unseasonable ,,call4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,five ,o',,clock ,,tea4 ,,home ,,etiquette4 ,illustration ,good manners are a plant of slow growth1 and one that should be cultivated in the home circle4 ,give a boy address1 and it opens palaces to him1 says ,emerson1 and nowhere is this address1 this habit of encounter1 so easily gained as within the walls of home4 ,there his character is formed for life4 ,good breeding1 in reality1 is but the outcome of much good sense1 some good nature1 and a little self-denial exercised for the sake of others1 with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them4 ,these words of the scholar1 ,chesterfield1 learned as he was in worldly lore1 and satisfied of the expediency of such observances from a selfish standpoint1 are but another1 and more selfish1 rendering of the ,golden ,rule1 whose value as a rule of action in life is apparent4 ,courtesy1 it must be conceded1 is not only pleasant1 but profitable in all places1 and at all times1 but more especially in the home circle are its virtues most brilliantly set forth4 ,courtesies of ,married ,life4 ,marriage very rarely mends a man's manners1 is a sadly true statement of the playwright ,congreve1 and one whose truth touches women also as concerning the marriage state4 ,if the slight formalities that are the bulwarks of love as well as friendship1 many forbearances1 and more of the small1 sweet courtesies of life1 were but permitted to blossom forth like unexpected flowers beneath the family roof-tree1 fewer unhappy marriages would catalogue their miseries in the divorce court4 ,the man who takes off his hat as politely to his wife when he parts from her on the street as he would to his lady acquaintance of yesterday2 who opens the door for her to enter2 who would no more speak harshly to her than to any other lady1 is very likely to retain her first affection and to add to it that sweeter1 closer love that comes of knowledge and companionship4 ,what ,women ,admire4 ,women admire fine manners and graceful attentions4 ,the man who never forgets their tastes2 who remembers wedding anniversaries and birthdays2 is interested in their pursuits1 and ready with an appreciative word of praise1 is the man that claims their admiration by virtue of thoughtfulness and consideration4 ,this man1 too1 would be far more apt to hold a woman's affection than the best and most upright of his sex1 who is thoughtless and indifferent1 not of her physical comfort1 but of all her pet fancies and sentiments1 who never saw her new gowns1 and is profoundly neglectful of all those trifles1 light as air1 which go far toward making up the sum of woman's happiness or misery4 ,what ,men ,desire4 ,hepworth ,dixon1 on being asked what men most desire in a wife1 and what quality held them longest1 unhesitatingly replied1 ,that she should be a pillow4 ,then1 noting the inquiry thus suggested1 he went on to say3 ,what a man most needs is that he should find in his wife a pillow whereon to rest his heart4 ,he longs to find a moment's rest from the outer whirl of life1 to win a ready listener that sympathizes where others wound4 ,and she whose eyes are flattering mirrors1 whose lips console and soothe1 will find that she has secured a hold upon the heart of her husband1 that the embodiment of all the virtues of her sex could not secure1 were she wanting in this sympathetic tact4 ,sweet-tempered people are the joy of the world4 ,their civilities1 their self-sacrifice1 their thoughtfulness for others it is that oils the wheels of domestic life4 ,people who1 according to the old phrase1 have tempers of their own1 are not1 at the best1 agreeable companions4 ,we may respect their good qualities1 but we are apt to give them a wide berth where possible4 ,but when they are inmates of our own households1 the evil spirit must be confronted and exorcised if possible4 ,many a wife has1 by exercising her own self-control1 subdued and shamed a tyrannical1 evil-tempered husband into a better disposition1 but never by argument1 dispute1 or anger on her part4 ,many a husband1 too1 has by the firmness and sweetness of his own temper1 won his young1 impatient wife1 tried by the half-understood cares of her new existence1 to evenness of spirit and control of temper4 ,it is impossible to be cross where ,charlie is1 said one young wife1 taken from a home where self-control had never been taught4 ,i am always ashamed of it afterward4 ,fault-,finding4 ,take us the foxes1 the little foxes that spoil our vines1 and of the insidious foxes that spoil the tender fruitage of the household vine1 a fault-finding disposition is most dangerous4 ,a quick1 ungovernable temper is not as destructive to household peace and comfort as the nagging1 carping1 fault-finding spirit that sees good in nothing4 ,a temper that is like a tornado in its violence at least clears the air as it passes1 and is usually followed by quick repentance and ready reparation4 ,but the fault-finding1 nagging1 suspicious temperament is a veritable foe in a man's own household4 ,where no word of praise is heard1 no commendation follows the best-intentioned efforts1 but the ceaseless nagging1 the ever recurring criticism meets one at every turn1 it is not strange if the ties of affection are too often strained even to breaking4 ,temper proceeds from1 and is an indication of the character4 ,it is inherited1 even as features are2 but1 like features1 it may be modified by culture and training1 and a temper thus conquered becomes a very desirable possession4 ,home ,conversation4 ,educate yourself1 as a wife1 to keep up with the times sufficiently to be at least a companionable conversationalist4 ,read the papers1 read late books2 endeavor to be as entertaining to your husband as you were to your husband-elect4 ,illustration3 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,the ,,drawing-,,room4 ,as a husband1 share your knowledge of the activities of life with your wife1 who1 from the very nature of her occupation is excluded from much of its exciting whirl4 ,read together1 talk together of art1 of music1 of literature1 of the stirring events of the outer world1 and put afar the evil day when topics of mutual interest shall have been worn so threadbare that the average man and women must feel a strange desire to fall asleep directly dinner is over4 ,then1 too1 the children hunger for new ideas1 and one of the greatest educational advantages they can enjoy is to listen daily to the conversation of intelligent people4 ,too many parents who are bright and entertaining abroad are dull and uninteresting in their own households1 to the great detriment of their children and to their own loss of intelligent companionship in one another4 ,what little ,jack learneth not1 the same neither learneth great ,john4 ,there is a truth in this old saying that the parents and guardians of children would do well to ponder in their hearts1 for it is a well substantiated statement that the first ten years of a child's life stamp upon his character the imprint for good or ill-breeding4 ,thus is spared the after struggle on their part to attain the grace and self-possession that should have been theirs by birthright4 ,illustration3 ,,sunshine ,,at ,,home4 ,children are naturally imitative1 hence the value of example over precept4 ,the children of courteous parents will imbibe courtesy as naturally and unconsciously as the growing plant absorbs oxygen from the air and sunlight that bathes its leaves and petals4 ,softly modulated tones should mark the words spoken to a child1 and reproof carries an added weight when lowered tones convey the rebuke4 ,even a baby before it can speak recognizes shades of meaning in the tones the mother utters1 and is soothed by the one and startled by the other4 ,kindliness1 politeness of the parents one towards another1 are the first steps toward training children in the acquirement of good manners4 ,gentleness and sweetness of manner can be taught at the cradle far more surely than from the school-room desk1 and when baby has learned to preface its little wants with please1 and ,master ,four ,years-old to run and open the door for mamma1 or mamma's visitors1 or to give up the easiest chair without being asked1 the firm foundation has been laid for courteous behavior in after life4 ,and so on1 all through the school years1 boys and girls may be so taught to respect one another's possessions1 letters1 feelings1 and to discriminate closely between meum and tuum after such wise that they will be made better husbands1 better wives1 better citizens1 for all their days4 ,slang and ,exaggerations4 ,by our own speech it is that we are sure to be judged1 for1-- ',tis only man can words create1 ,and cut the air to sounds articulate ,by nature's special charter4 ,nay1 speech can ,make a shrewd discrepance 'twixt man and man4 ,it doth the gentleman from the clown discover2 ,and from a fool the great philosopher4 ,as ,solon said to one in judgment weak3-- ',i thought thee wise until ,i heard thee speak4' ,and if we talk with flippancy and exaggeration1 load our sentences with slang phrases1 and preface and punctuate them with oft-repeated expressions of ,say6 ,well6 ,you know1 ,do tell1 and so on1 ad infinitum1 all wisdom1 or propriety of speech will be lost4 ,it is difficult to believe in the refinement of a girl who permits her fresh young lips to utter the slang of the bar-room hanger-on1 the gambler and the street gamin4 ,equally difficult is it to believe in the absolute truthfulness of one who declares to you that the heat of a lovely ,june day is simply awful or perfectly terrible1 from sheer wonder as to what terms she would use to characterize the intense heat of some sweeping fire4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,industrious ,,housewife4 ,again1 it is hard to understand the taste of one who informs you gravely that the chicken salad was too lovely for anything6 or the last evening's sunset was perfectly elegant6 ,the ,websterian definition of elegant being polished1 stylish1 refined1 etc41 it is to be wished that all perpetrators of like sins could meet the punishment a young lady once dealt to a gentleman who remarked with great effusion3 ,this moonlight is perfectly elegant6 ,to this observation she answered with gravity1 ,yes1 it really is very stylish6 ,let1 therefore1 all who strive for the grace of good breeding1 men and women1 boys and girls alike1 set a watch over their lips and keep the door of their mouth1 for words have wings1 and so soon as their cage1 the mouth1 is opened1 out they fly and mount beyond our reach1 and past recovery4 ,some ,do's for ,girls4 ,the following hints for girls1 each prefaced by the auxiliary ,do1 will prove a safe guide1 not only for the girls but for any of their elders who may choose to follow them4 ,do answer your letters soon after they are received1 and do try to reply to them with some relation to their contents2 a rambling1 ill-considered letter is a satire upon your education4 ,do1 when you talk1 keep your hands still4 ,do observe2 the faculty of observation1 well cultivated1 makes practical men and women4 ,do attach as much importance to your mind as to your body4 ,do be natural2 a poor diamond is better than a good imitation4 ,do try to remember where you put your gloves and cardcase2 keep the former mended and the latter filled4 ,do recollect that your health is more important than your amusements2 you can live without one1 but you'll die early without the other4 ,do try to be sensible2 it is not a particular sign of superiority to talk like a fool4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,princess ,,of ,,wales4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,society ,,belle--,,call ,,again4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,call ,,from ,,baby',s ,,admirers4 ,do be ready in time for church2 if you do not respect yourself sufficiently to be punctual1 respect the feelings of other people4 ,do get up in time for breakfast4 ,do avoid causes of irritation in your family circle2 do reflect that home is the place in which to be agreeable4 ,do be reticent2 the world at large has no interest in your private affairs4 ,do cultivate the habit of listening to others2 it will make you an invaluable member of society1 to say nothing of the advantage it will be to you4 ,do be truthful2 do avoid exaggeration2 if you mean a mile say a mile1 not a mile and a half2 if you mean one say one1 and not a dozen4 ,young ,ladies1 ,take ,heed4 ,do1 sometimes1 at least1 allow your mother to know better than you do2 she was educated before you were born4 ,do sign your full name to your letters4 ,do learn to say ,no4 ,do1 if you have brothers1 try to gain their confidence1 to be interested in their sports1 to cultivate their manners1 not by censure1 but by the force of your own example4 ,do laugh1 girls1 not boisterously1 not constantly1 but clearly and pleasantly1 but don't giggle4 ,if girls from fourteen to eighteen could only understand the vulgarity of continually putting their heads together and giggling1 as if the whole world was a supremely ridiculous affair1 about which they must chuckle1 and whisper1 when in truth their own actions are the one thing ridiculous1 they would refrain from such unmitigated nonsense4 ,do be exquisitely neat in your attire4 ,beware of the lawn dress1 the light kids1 the collar1 the laces that are worn once too often4 ,do be careful about giving away your photographs1 especially to men4 ,you would hardly like to hear the comments that are sometimes passed upon them4 ,if you cannot learn to say ,no1 refrain from displaying them to your gentleman friends4 ,some ,do's for ,boys4 ,as for boys1 there are a few ,do's for them to consider if they would become that noblest work of ,god1 a true man1 a gentleman4 ,do respect your father and mother and give them their proper titles at all times4 ,to call them the ,governor and the old lady1 does not in the least add to your supposed manliness1 but rather displays a very unmanly fear on your part that people might suppose you were in some degree under their authority2 not only an unmanly1 but a foolish fear1 since no one is fit for authority until he has first learned obedience4 ,do learn to respect women4 ,never speak slightingly of their worth1 nor trifle with their name4 ,learn the lesson now1 and you will find its value in your manhood4 ,do treat your sisters and your girl schoolmates in a gentlemanly manner4 ,you have no idea how much it will add to your own appearance4 ,do guard against a profusion of slang that would do credit to a pickpocket4 ,do be determined not to use profane expressions in the presence of ladies1 children1 or ministers1 or anywhere else4 ,do keep your lips from uttering coarse and unclean things that you would blush to have overheard by mother or sister4 ,more than this1 do not listen to them from the lips of others4 ,a pure-minded boy will be a pure-minded man4 ,do take care of your various belongings2 do not expect mother or sisters to pick up your necktie1 your gloves1 your schoolbooks1 your hat1 from as many different places as there are articles1 and put them properly away4 ,it is quite as necessary for boys or men to have some neatness in their habits as for girls or women4 ,do learn to help yourself occasionally4 ,it is quite possible that you should be able to arrange a necktie1 comb your hair1 or get the articles together for a fresh toilet without calling some one to your assistance4 ,quite possible and vastly convenient for other members of the household4 ,do close the doors without slamming2 don't tear the house down4 ,do lower your voice sometimes2 everyone is not deaf4 ,do be neat in personal appearance2 collars1 handkerchiefs and cuffs1 should be spotlessly clean1 and hands and finger nails receive careful attention4 ,do not fail to use three brushes every day--the tooth-brush1 the clothes-brush and the blacking-brush4 ,do break yourself of disagreeable personal habits4 ,do not yawn in people's faces1 lounge in your chair1 scratch head or person1 or clean finger-nails when others are present4 ,do not forget to use your handkerchief1 and that quietly as possible4 ,do decide that temperate habits are more manly than intemperate ones1 and don't think that it is one of your rights to smoke cigarettes4 ,do learn to say ,no1 to lead sometimes instead of always following4 ,do be careful of your manners4 ,remember that as the twig is bent1 so the tree is inclined1 and that the polished boy will be the polished man4 ,polish1 it is to be understood1 is not inconsistent with strength1 but rather adds to it4 ,the strongest machinery is of the finest polish1 and the ,damascus blade is of the surest mettle4 ,do be sure to give up your seat in omnibus or car to a lady4 ,even if she be not sufficiently grateful1 you have shown your good breeding4 ,do remember to remove your hat when you enter a house1 private office1 hotel elevator 7if ladies are present71 when you bow to a lady or when you offer to assist a lady4 ,do lay these do's up in your memory and practice them in your lives4 ,guard the ,voice4 ,a harsh voice1 or shrill1 high-pitched tones1 are a source of discomfort to all who hear them4 ,nothing gives a more favorable impression of good breeding than a voice1 musical1 clear1 low in its key1 and careful in its articulation4 ,george ,eliot1 who had a face of extreme plainness1 possessed a low musical voice that had a perfect fascination for the listener4 ,at times such a voice is the gift of nature1 but usually it requires careful cultivation1 and the earlier the age at which this cultivation begins1 the surer and the simpler is the price of success4 ,children can be early taught not to raise their voices shrilly to demand attention1 but to speak softly and gently at home1 and then their company voice will possess a natural quality4 ,train the tones softly and sweetly now1 and they will keep in tune through life4 ,those whose early education in this respect has been neglected will win success only at the price of eternal vigilance4 ,a few lessons in voice culture will work wonders in training the ear to appreciate the different keys1 the voice to acquire lower and richer tones1 and the articulation to become clear and distinct4 ,even where there are serious vocal defects1 such as stammering1 lisping1 etc41 they can be relieved by some good teacher of voice-culture4 ,indeed1 some attention to the culture of voices ought to become a necessary part of education4 ,a low1 sweet voice is like a lark's song in heart and home1 and the self-control necessary to always keep it at this harmonious level1 exercises a most salutary influence over mind and temper4 ,how to ,treat ,servants4 ,a large proportion of the domestic economy in many households is left entirely in the hands of servants1 and on the good or ill behavior of these servants depends the comfort of the home1 and the behavior of the servants depends very greatly upon the behavior of their employers toward them4 ,the manner even of addressing servants in this country is rather important1 offense being so readily taken at what is deemed disrespect4 ,men servants may be addressed by their last name without any prefix4 ,if they have been in the family a long time the first name may be used1 if desired4 ,in addressing servants that are perfect strangers it can be generally managed without the use of any name4 ,in writing to them address without prefix1 as1 ,robert ,johnson4 ,do not be insolent towards1 or demand too much of1 servants4 ,they have very much the same feelings of pride that the house-mistress has1 and the less those feelings are wounded the better help they will render4 ,do not reprimand them before guests4 ,nothing so injures their self-respect or so tends to make them careless4 ,whatever the blunder1 be apparently unmoved in the presence of your guests4 ,save all reproof until their departure4 ,have a perfect understanding of the work you would have them perform1 if you would have them accomplish it satisfactorily4 ,ignorance never yet made a good master or mistress1 and always puts a premium on incompetency on the part of employs4 ,have ,rules and ,enforce ,them4 ,require all house servants to be quiet in their movements1 not to slam doors or rattle china4 ,impress upon them the importance of dressing neatly4 ,teach them to treat all comers with politeness2 to answer the door-bell promptly and to thoroughly understand whatever rules you may have about being engaged or not at home4 ,if reproof is to be administered or orders1 given1 it is much better that the servant be called upstairs to receive them1 than for the house mistress to descend to the kitchen4 ,this will insure an opportunity should dispute arise of dismissing the employ to the kitchen with but loss of dignity on her part2 while1 if it is in the kitchen that the difference of opinion may arise1 the house-mistress must herself leave the field4 ,insist upon systematic arrangement of the week's work1 and punctuality in carrying out its details4 ,explain carefully to all newly-engaged servants the routine of the house and expect them to conform to it4 ,be mild but firm in exercising authority1 and servants will respect you and your rules4 ,if there is a housekeeper1 all these details will be committed to her hands1 and she has need to be competent1 compelling respect1 to be fitted for the position4 ,teach servants not to expect fees from your visitors4 ,respect all their privileges4 ,see that their evenings out1 and their precious ,sunday afternoons are not encroached upon4 ,give them all the needed opportunity to attend their own place of worship4 ,see that children of the family are respectful toward them1 not disturbing them at their work2 prefacing their requests with please1 and thanking them for any favor4 ,rights of ,others4 ,respect the rights of all members of the household4 ,remember that each one has a perfect right to open his or her own correspondence4 ,no difference if one is ready to confide the contents of the letter the moment it is read1 there is still a pleasure in opening one's own correspondence4 ,respect the belongings of another1 no matter how close the relationship4 ,the careful member of the family suffers at seeing his belongings misused and destroyed by the careless one4 ,discourage borrowing among the members of a family4 ,teach each one to have all necessary articles of their own and to care for them properly4 ,guests in a family should also be very careful in this respect4 ,boxes1 drawers1 or any repositories of any kind1 should be scrupulously respected4 ,private papers1 even if not protected by lock and key1 should not be glanced at4 ,a due observance of these rules1 while making home life pleasanter1 might in after years lead to a little less tampering with the larger rights of law and property1 for manners are but the shadows of great virtues4 ,illustration ,,etiquette ,,for ,,children4 ,illustration ,jean ,paul ,richter1 in his great work on education 7,levana71 intimates that we scarcely realize the momentous possibilities that lie all about us folded up in the heart of childhood1 as the blushing petals of the beauteous blossom yet to be lie folded close within the sheltering calyx4 ,do you know1 he queries1 whether the little boy who plucks flowers at your side may not one day1 from his island of ,corsica1 descend as a war-god into a stormy universe to play with hurricanes for destruction1 or to purify and plant the world with harvests8 ,and just because we do not know the extent of these possibilities1 children must be carefully trained to fill whatever post or province may be theirs in the time to come4 ,now1 they are in our hands to mold as we will2 then1 they will be the masters1 and much of the character of their sway will depend upon the guidance of the present4 ,viewed in this light1 the manners and the morals of children1 closely associated as they are1 become of the greatest importance to the world4 ,power of ,example4 ,teach the embryo man or woman1 in the nursery1 the traits1 the habits1 the customs of the best etiquette1 and you have stamped upon them1 at an age when the character is impressible as wax1 not only the outer semblance1 but1 in a great degree1 the inner reality1 of a true man or woman4 ,let the children grow up in a home where rude gestures1 or ill-tempered words are unknown1 where truthfulness1 kindliness1 forgetfulness of self and careful consideration of others1 permeates the very atmosphere1 and they will go forth into the world armed with the integrity in which all men may trust1 the polish that will win them admiration1 and the true refinement that will render their friendship elevating4 ,see1 also1 that there is perfect unanimity between the parents as to the government and instruction of the children in the household1 and1 if any difference should arise1 it should be settled in private4 ,children1 being strongly imitative1 are best taught by example4 ,never reprove unless absolutely necessary1 and never let the voice rise excitedly to ensure obedience4 ,by keeping your own voice low and calm1 you do much toward lowering the key of their high-pitched1 childish treble1 and soothing the troubled waters of their souls4 ,keeping ,promises4 ,never permit yourself to threaten where you do not perform2 children are quick to learn the value of your promises1 and place very accurate estimates1 in their own minds1 as to what their parents will1 or will not do under given circumstances4 ,absolute truthfulness can never be taught a child by precept1 when by constant example he is taught that the word of his parents has little or no value in his own case1 so far as threats and punishments1 or even rewards1 extend4 ,if a punishment is the penalty for a broken law1 see that it is inflicted2 if a reward is promised1 be sure that it is given4 ,enjoin upon children strict justice in their dealings one with another1 even in their games1 never allowing the stronger to impose upon the weak1 but teaching forbearance and tenderness in all their actions4 ,talebearing4 ,discourage1 as far as possible1 all talebearing in the home1 and1 as a rule1 do not listen to complaints1 and long recitals of injuries received from little playfellows4 ,care in this respect will nip in the bud the tendency toward exaggeration and talebearing that so early develops in a child1 and so soon matures into the gossip of riper years4 ,this demand for exactitude in childish statements will pave the way for strictly truthful declarations in the more important affairs of later life1 redounding thus to the lasting benefit of the individual and the community4 ,truthfulness4 ,the least approach toward prevarication1 or concealment of their childish misdemeanors1 should be treated as a grave fault4 ,to prevent1 as far as possible1 all attempts at disguising the truth1 penalties for faults should rarely be of so severe a nature that the little transgressor resorts to evasion through fear of the consequences4 ,respectfulness4 ,children should be taught to be respectful toward their parents and others older than themselves1 to be polite towards those of their own age1 and very thoughtful for the comfort of the sick and weak4 ,respect must also be shown toward servants and dependants1 and no unnecessary demands made upon their time or services4 ,obedience4 ,prompt obedience should always be demanded of a child1 and the spirit of murmuring and questioning firmly repressed4 ,none can command except they have first learned to obey4 ,do not allow children to tease1 nor1 having once refused on good and sufficient ground1 suffer your consent to be gained by siege4 ,make your refusal final1 but do not refuse thoughtlessly1 or for mere caprice4 ,the wishes of a child are as real to him as those of grown people are to them4 ,manner of ,address4 ,rudeness and abruptness must never be tolerated in the manners of a child4 ,yes1 and no1 in reply1 and what8 in interrogatory1 are uncouth and disagreeable in sound4 ,yes1 sir1 ,yes1 ma'am1 and ,what1 ma'am1 are much better substituted1 but even these are open to criticism4 ,english etiquette relegates ,sir and ,ma'am to the use of servants1 save in case of addressing the higher nobility when ,sir is sometimes used4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,nursery4 ,the better and more graceful etiquette of the day would teach a child to say1 ,yes1 mamma1 ,no1 papa2 or a student at school to address the teachers as1 ,yes1 ,prof4 ,stanley1 ,no1 ,miss ,livingstone4 ,if they fail to understand a remark1 a quick1 ,beg pardon1 or1 ,i beg your pardon1 or even1 ,i did not understand1 can soon be taught to even childish lips and never be forgotten as they advance to maturity4 ,the use of ,please1 and ,thank you1 or1 ,i thank you1 7never the thankless ,thanks17 should be early impressed upon their minds4 ,teach them never to speak of grown people without prefixing ,mr41 ,mrs41 or ,miss1 to their name4 ,it is very objectionable for a child to fall into the habit of saying ,brown did so and so1 instead of1 ,mr4 ,brown1 etc4 ,insist1 too1 that at school they shall never say ,teacher1 but address their preceptor by his proper name4 ,impress upon children that they must answer politely when spoken to1 but strictly repress any tendency on their part toward questioning visitors at the house4 ,here let it be added1 for the benefit of their elders1 that nothing can be a surer evidence of ill-breeding than for a grown person to question a child in regard to his family affairs4 ,interrupting ,conversation4 ,never permit children to interrupt the conversation of their elders1 and see1 as a preparation for this1 that among the little ones themselves1 one who has a story to tell is permitted to finish without an impatient brother or sister breaking in with his1 or her1 version of the same tale4 ,see that each has his turn and many of the noisy disagreements of the playroom will thus be done away with4 ,insist1 too1 upon the lowering of each eager little voice1 and a long step will have been taken toward doing away with the high-keyed voices and the all-talking-together habits that afflict so many of their elders4 ,see1 too1 that the children1 while not allowed to interrupt the conversation of grown persons1 receive in some degree the same consideration from them4 ,in other words1 let the children talk sometimes1 and listen to them sincerely and respectfully4 ,there is no better way to train a child in courtesy than to observe toward it the most scrupulous politeness1 and a child whose own conversation is respected can be easily taught to respect the conversation of others1 and to know when to talk and when to be silent4 ,this habit of listening1 inculcated in childhood1 will do much toward forming agreeable members of society in after years4 ,if a guest should converse with a child for a moment1 watch that it does not make itself tiresome by engaging his or her entire attention4 ,showing ,off4 ,never show off children to visitors4 ,it fosters in them a feeling of vanity1 and is often very tedious to the persons upon whom it is inflicted1 it being barely possible that your own estimate of their brilliancy is not shared by outsiders4 ,neither should strangers be allowed1 under any circumstances1 at home or abroad1 to tease a child just for fun4 ,its angry answers may be amusing1 but the practice is one that works irreparable injury to the child4 ,as soon as this tendency is discovered in a visitor1 send the child quietly1 but firmly1 from the room1 remarking casually1 when it is gone1 that children are apt to be troublesome when they talk too much4 ,reproof ,before ,others4 ,never1 unless it is absolutely unavoidable1 reprove a child in the presence of strangers4 ,to do this injures their feeling of self-respect4 ,it is an annoyance to the visitor also4 ,while it frequently happens that a word of timely admonition is necessary1 all extended reproof should be left until alone with the child4 ,cleanliness and ,order4 ,insist upon cleanliness in dress1 and teach the children early that their hair should be combed1 their teeth and finger-nails clean1 and their clothing fresh and neat upon all occasions4 ,teach the boys that their shoes should be polished and free from dust1 and their clothes thoroughly brushed4 ,slippers should be furnished boys for house wear1 and the importance of using a doormat before entering should be early impressed upon both girls and boys4 ,teach them also order and care as to their personal belongings1 and the lessons of neatness thus early inculcated will be of untold value in their after life4 ,home ,hints4 ,cultivate in children the habit of assuming pleasing attitudes4 ,do not let them constantly lounge about over chairs1 couches and tables1 and their company manners will not then be a terror in the house4 ,teach them the proper use of a handkerchief1 and insist that they observe it4 ,instruct them what to do with their hands and feet1 never twisting the former1 or swinging the latter4 ,never permit them to scratch the head or person1 to clean ears or finger nails1 or to use a toothpick in public4 ,teach them to suppress a yawn or to conceal the mouth with the hand4 ,do not let them pass in front of people in a room1 or1 if from the arrangement of the furniture it is impossible to avoid so doing1 let them ask to be excused4 ,if they should accidently tread upon the toes1 or otherwise disturb a guest1 teach them at once to apologize with an ,excuse me1 or1 ,i beg your pardon4 ,do not permit them to slam doors1 or to shout up and down stairs4 ,never allow requests or messages to be called from one end of the house to the other2 insist upon a child coming into the room with whatever he or she may have to say4 ,impress upon boys and girls not to stare at others1 nor to take any apparent notice of personal peculiarities1 deformities1 or oddities of dress or demeanor4 ,teach the children always to play a fair game upon the playground1 and not to lose their tempers over any little difference of opinion that may arise during its course4 ,do not allow them to be cruel in their treatment of animals2 to do so1 is to deliberately teach them habits of cruelty for a lifetime and render them brutal in disposition4 ,visiting4 ,children should not be allowed to visit other children solely upon the request of the children4 ,the invitation should come from the parents4 ,otherwise great annoyance may result from such unconsidered calls4 ,do not take children while making formal visits4 ,they are often an annoyance1 and always a check upon conversation4 ,if they must be taken1 do not allow them to meddle with anything in the room1 nor to interrupt the conversation4 ,neither should they be permitted to handle the belongings1 or finger the attire1 of callers at the house4 ,do not take them to art galleries1 artist's or sculptor's studios1 and never allow them to meddle with goods in stores4 ,slang1 ,profanity1 ,intemperance4 ,slang should be eliminated1 as much as possible1 from the household vocabulary4 ,boys should be taught that profanity1 or vulgarity in expression1 far from being manly1 only lowers them in the estimation of all sensible people4 ,it should also be early impressed upon them that there is danger in the use of liquor in any form1 as well as folly in falling into the tobacco habit4 ,at ,table4 ,punctuality at the table should be taught first of all4 ,the little table observances so necessary to refinement of manner should be early inculcated4 ,table manners 7see proper department7 should be taught at the earliest age that the child is capable of appearing at the table4 ,the proper use of knife1 fork1 spoon and napkin should be impressed upon their minds from the first1 and much after annoyance will be saved4 ,teach them to eat quietly without any noise of mastication1 swallowing or drinking being audible4 ,insist upon their sitting still while waiting to be served and not to play with knife1 napkin ring or other small articles on the table4 ,insist upon their breaking bread1 instead of cutting it1 and never to pick up one piece of bread or cake from the plate and then exchange it for another4 ,teach them to eat fruit properly1 to use finger bowls1 if such are provided1 and to keep their lips closed as much as possible while eating4 ,teach them to pass a pitcher with the handle toward the one served1 and not to eat with one hand and pass some article with the other4 ,see that they do not eat too fast--both health and appearances being considered in this item--and that they do not talk with their mouths full4 ,teach them to turn away their heads and cover their mouth with their hand1 if obliged to cough1 sneeze or yawn at table1 and1 as soon as possible1 require them to suppress these exhibitions4 ,never let them pick their teeth at the table1 or lounge upon it with their elbows while eating4 ,leaving the ,table4 ,if children must leave the table before the meal is over1 they should ask to be excused1 and should never rise with their mouth full4 ,when they have once left the table1 do not1 as a rule1 permit them to return1 for a child soon falls into the habit1 if permitted1 of leaving the table to play1 and returning to complete his meal4 ,teach children not to complain of the food set before them2 but1 at the same time1 if a child has known likes or dislikes1 they should be1 to a certain extent1 gratified1 since1 to some delicately constituted temperaments1 a compelled partaking of some obnoxious dish is a real torture4 ,teach them also to acquire a liking for as large a variety of food as possible4 ,in after life1 on many occasions1 this may be a great convenience4 ,in conclusion1 let it be added that the ,department on ,home ,etiquette should be read in connection with this1 especially the section devoted to children4 ,see to it carefully that children are not taught one code of manners for company use1 and permitted to exercise no manners for home use4 ,,dinner ,,giving4 ,illustration ,man is essentially a dining animal4 ,creatures of the inferior races eat and drink2 only man dines6 ,and he should do it properly4 ,to invite a friend to dinner1 says ,brillat ,savarin1 is to become responsible for his happiness so long as he is under your roof4 ,if1 therefore1 any lady would entertain her friends in the best manner that her means permit1 it will be well for her to understand the routine of the table herself1 and never trust entirely to the skill of an ordinary cook4 ,it is hardly to be expected that she should understand the preparation of each dish1 but she must be capable of judging it when served4 ,if she distrusts her own power of arranging a menu1 and seeing it properly carried out1 the dinner should be ordered from the best of caterers4 ,then1 with full assurance of perfect cookery1 and faultless service1 one may prepare one's list of favored guests with a peaceful conscience and a mind free from care4 ,invitations4 ,forms of invitations suited to all classes of dinners1 have been given at length in the department devoted to that subject1 and acceptances and regrets for the same carefully explained1 together with the obligation upon every one to answer all such invitations at once1 either in the affirmative or negative4 ,since a dinner is1 in all respects1 so important a social event that the least one can do is to signify immediately one's course of action1 ,sidney ,smith was not so far out of the way when he burlesqued the solemnity of the occasion1 and the aversion that all dinner-givers have to an empty chair1 when he wittily wrote3 ,a man should1 if he die after having accepted an invitation to dinner1 leave his executors a solemn charge to fill his place4 ,host and ,hostess4 ,the hostess is expected to put her guests1 as much as possible1 at their ease4 ,she must encourage the timid1 and watch the requirements of all4 ,no accident must ruffle her temper4 ,in short1 she must1 for the time1 be that perfect woman who is-- ,mistress of herself though china fall4 ,she must not seem to watch her servants2 she must not scold them4 ,her brow must remain smooth through all embarrassing hitches1 her smile be bright and quick1 her attentions close and complimentary to her guests4 ,on the host devolves the duty of drawing out any of the guests with whose particular specialties he is acquainted1 and his manners1 too1 must at least simulate ease1 if he have it not4 ,let host and hostess refrain from boasting of the price of any article of food upon the table4 ,whom to ,invite4 ,all the tact and good breeding at the command of the hostess should be exercised1 first in choosing1 then in arranging1 the guests to be present4 ,not too many are to be bidden to the ordinary dinner2 six1 eight and twelve are desirable numbers1 and four frequently forms the cosiest party imaginable4 ,the reason of thus arranging for even numbers arises from the fact that1 in a mixed dinner party1 it is well to have as many ladies as gentlemen4 ,the conversation will then be prevented from dropping into long1 or heated1 discussions1 both of which are destructive of pleasure4 ,it will also be found pleasant to invite the young1 and those of more advanced years1 together for an occasion of this sort4 ,large parties may be made very enjoyable1 but where there are more than eight or ten at table general conversation becomes impracticable4 ,twenty-four1 and even thirty1 guests1 however1 when well selected1 may make a very brilliant and successful gathering4 ,too brilliant a conversationalist is not always a desirable acquisition1 since he may silence and put in the shade the remainder of the company to an extent that is hardly agreeable even to the meekest among them4 ,a small dinner of one's most intimate friends is easily arranged4 ,an eminent artist1 author1 musician1 to pose as chief guest1 renders it always easy to select among one's other acquaintances a sufficient number who would be pleased with1 and pleasing to1 this bright1 particular star4 ,or1 if it be a bride1 or a woman of fashion1 to whom the courtesy is to be extended1 it is equally easy to find a sufficient number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations to make the occasion a success4 ,there is also the satisfaction of knowing that1 as one cannot possibly invite all of one's dear five hundred friends to a little dinner1 no one can be offended at being left out1 thus rendering it easy to choose one's list to fit the circumstances4 ,do not invite more guests than there is room to comfortably seat4 ,nothing so spoils a dinner as crowding the guests4 ,seating the ,guests4 ,since1 at no social entertainment are the guests so dependent upon one another for mutual entertainment as at a dinner1 both by reason of its smallness and the compactness of arrangement1 it will be seen that an equal care devolves upon the hostess in seating as in inviting her guests4 ,the most tedious of one's friends can be tolerated at a party where it is possible to turn to others for relief1 but to be chained for two or three hours1 with the necessity upon you of talking1 or trying to talk1 to the same dull or conceited individual that the fates have unkindly awarded as your companion1 is a severe social strain upon equanimity of soul4 ,hence1 each hostess should strive to so arrange her guests that like-minded people should be seated together1 and people with hobbies should either be handed over to those likewise possessed1 or into the hands of some sympathetic listener1 thus securing the pleasure of all4 ,known enemies should be seated as far apart as possible1 and1 in reality1 should never be invited to the same dinner4 ,if this should inadvertently happen1 they must remember that common respect for their hostess demands that they recognize one another with ordinary politeness4 ,laying the ,table4 ,much has been said upon this subject in the department of ,table ,etiquette1 and as laying the table formally for a state affair approaches so nearly the proper setting of the home table1 much will be found there that is available upon this important topic4 ,the table1 which1 since the introduction of the extension1 is no longer the cosy round form which brought the guests so comfortably near one another1 should be first covered with heavy felting1 or double ,canton flannel4 ,over this is to be laid the heaviest1 snowiest damask cloth that the linen closet affords4 ,this should have been faultlessly laundried1 and is accompanied by large1 fine napkins matching the cloth in design4 ,these should be very simply folded1 and without starch1 and are laid just beyond the plate toward the center of the table4 ,square is the best form for folding1 and each should contain a small thick piece of bread in its folds4 ,this should be about three inches long and at least an inch thick4 ,this is to be eaten with the soup1 not crumbed into it4 ,a roll sometimes takes its place4 ,some hostesses have the bread passed in a silver basket4 ,a plate is furnished each place1 large enough to contain the ,majolica plate for raw oysters4 ,of course a small plain plate may be used for these1 but those designed for the purpose are much more elegant4 ,a tiny1 fancy salt is provided for each place 7see farther in ,table ,etiquette74 ,two knives1 three forks1 and a soup spoon1 all of silver1 are placed at each plate4 ,some dinner-givers place the knives1 forks1 and spoon1 all on the right side of the plate1 excepting the small1 peculiarly-shaped oyster fork1 which is placed at the left1 it having been decided that raw oysters shall be eaten with the fork in the left hand1 prongs down4 ,still other hostesses place the knives and spoon at the right hand1 the forks at the left1 the oyster fork diagonally1 with the prongs crossing the handles of the others1 the law of their arrangement being nowise immutable in its nature4 ,silver1 glass1 and china1 should all be of the brightest4 ,at the right hand of each guest should be placed an engraved glass for water4 ,to make certain that these are in line all around1 it is well to measure with the hand from the edge of the table to the tip of the middle finger and there place the glass2 following this rule around the entire circumference4 ,this glass1 if wine is used1 gives a center1 round which the vari-colored wineglasses may be grouped4 ,a ,well-,furnished ,sideboard4 ,the sideboard should contain relays of knives1 forks1 and spoons1 in rows2 glasses1 dinner plates1 finger bowls standing on the fruit plates1 as well as any other accessories that may be needed4 ,at another sideboard1 or table1 the head waiter1 or the butler1 does the carving4 ,if the room is small1 this last may be relegated to hall or pantry4 ,in luxurious houses the sideboards are often devoted to bewildering displays of rare china1 and cut glass1 but in more modest domiciles they are used simply for the needs of the hour4 ,water carafes 7water bottles7 are placed between every two or three guests4 ,the table should be laid in time1--thus1 if the dinner is to be at seven1 all things should be in readiness on table and sideboard at six o'clock2 this course preventing the slightest confusion4 ,if the dinner napkins are to be changed for smaller ones1 these also should be laid in readiness4 ,all the cold dishes1 salads1 relishes1 condiments1 etc41 should also be on hand4 ,the most elegant tables frequently have a long mat1 or scarf1 of ruby1 or some other colored plush1 with fringed and embroidered ends1 laid the entire length down through the center of the table4 ,this affords a charming contrast to the snowy napery1 and sets the keynote of color for the floral decorations4 ,the center decorative pieces are now no longer high1 thus rendering a glimpse of the person opposite almost impossible1 but are low and long4 ,a mirror1 framed in silver1 may be set in the center of one of these plush mats2 and upon this artistically arranged floral decorations are placed to be reflected in its polished depths4 ,where massive silver table-wares are heirlooms in the family1 they are used1 despite their height4 ,center pieces that are recent purchases1 are usually of glass1 cut and jewelled1 until their brilliancy is a marvel in the lamplight4 ,table ,decorations4 ,where the resources of the dinner-giver are limited1 the simple decoration of a few flowers arranged in a fanciful basket1 or a rare old bowl filled with roses1 is sufficient1 and is far more indicative of taste and breeding than many of the set floral pieces fresh from the florist's hand1 and speaking more eloquently of the size of his bill1 than of taste or appropriateness4 ,the fancy of the hour1 and a pretty one it is1 is for massing one variety of flower for decorative purposes4 ,banks of crimson roses down the center of the snowy cloth1 or great clusters of vivid red flowers1 can be very effectively employed4 ,shells may be filled with flowers and used as a table decoration4 ,a large one in the middle1 and a smaller one on each side1 has a pleasing effect4 ,at each plate a small bouquet of flowers may be laid1 those for the gentlemen arranged as buttonholes4 ,in choosing the flowers for decorations1 avoid those blossoms having a heavy fragrance1 such as the tuberose1 jasmines1 syringas1 as their penetrating odor is productive of faintness in some1 and is disagreeable to many1 while roses1 lilies1 lilacs1 and many other delicately-scented blossoms1 are pleasant to all4 ,naturalness is to be aimed at in these decorations1 and set floral pieces are in bad taste at a private dinner4 ,though hundreds of dollars may have been spent in the fleeting loveliness of flowers1 the effect to be aimed at is naturalness rather than display4 ,a border of holly1 or ivy leaves freshly gathered1 may be sewed around the plush scarf through the center of the table1 and is a beautiful decoration1 far outshining gold embroidery and lace4 ,harmonize the color of this scarf with the decorations of the dining-room4 ,blue1 however1 or green1 does not light up well1 while ruby1 or some other red1 brings out the effect of glass1 china1 and silver to the best advantage4 ,old gold1 or olive-brown1 is also very pretty4 ,the dining-room should be carpeted to deaden the sound of footsteps4 ,lighting the ,table4 ,gas is1 perforce1 the most common1 but not by any means the most sthetic means of table illumination1 because of its heating and glaring qualities4 ,wax candles are extremely pretty with tissue shades to match the prevailing tint of the other decorations1 besides giving an opportunity for displaying all manner of pretty conceits in candelabra4 ,about twenty-six candles will1 all other conditions being favorable1 light a table for twelve guests4 ,much depends1 however1 on whether the dining-room is finished in light or dark woods as to the number of candles required4 ,very carefully filled and carefully cared-for lamps of pretty designs are also1 especially in country places1 an admirable method of lighting the table4 ,serving the ,dinner4 ,there are two methods of performing this most important function of the entire dinner1 namely1 service la ,russe1 and the ,american service4 ,the first named1 the ,russian service1 is universally adopted in all countries at dinners where the requisite number of sufficiently well-trained servants are to be had4 ,this service1 which consists in having all articles of food carved1 and otherwise prepared1 and brought to the guests separately by waiters1 or footmen1 as they are called in ,england at private tables1 has the advantage of leaving the host and hostess free to converse with their guests4 ,it also has another advantage of presenting the table1 as the guests enter the room1 free from dishes1 save the oyster plates1 glass1 silver1 flowers1 and perhaps at the two ends of the board1 ,bohemian glass flagons1 of ruby-red1 containing such decanted wines as do not need icing4 ,the table also1 being so carefully cleared at the end of each course1 should present about the same faultless appearance at the close of the feast as at its beginning4 ,the guests being seated at their respective places1 ,majolica plates containing raw oysters on the half-shell1 or otherwise1 with a piece of lemon in the center are1 if not already in place1 immediately put before each guest4 ,the roll1 or piece of bread1 should be at once removed from the folds of the napkin1 and the servants1 when all are seated1 pass red and black pepper4 ,the oyster plates are then removed and plates of soup follow1 dished from a side table by the head waiter1 and served by two others1 who pass down opposite sides of the table carrying each two dishes4 ,where two kinds of soup are provided1 each guest is given the choice4 ,how the ,dishes are to be ,passed4 ,the servants1 in passing the dishes1 begin with the guest upon the right hand of the master on one side of the table1 ending with the mistress of the house4 ,upon the other side they begin with the guest upon her right and end with the host4 ,as one servant passes the meat or fish1 another should follow1 bearing the appropriate sauce or vegetable that accompanies it4 ,the servants should wear thin-soled shoes1 step lightly1 be ungloved1 and always have a small-sized damask napkin wrapped around the thumb of the right hand1 as dexterity in handling the dishes requires that they should extend the thumb over the edge of the dish4 ,they should pass all dishes at the left of the guests1 that their right hand may be free to take them4 ,wines only are excepted1 these being always poured at the right4 ,servants should never lean across any guest at table in order to reach or pass an article4 ,in passing an entre 7ongtray71 which is simply a dish served in the first course after fish1 the dish should be supplied with a silver spoon and fork and held low enough so that the guests can help themselves easily4 ,entres follow the roasts sometimes1 as well as1 or instead of1 coming after fish4 ,sweetbreads and croquettes come under this head4 ,these require hot plates4 ,the soup removed1 which should be done quickly as possible1 fish should be immediately served1 together with whatever vegetables form the accompaniment4 ,when these plates are removed the roast meats are served on hot plates4 ,one vegetable is usually served with each meat course1 and occasionally some vegetable forms a course by itself4 ,this1 however1 only lengthens out the repast1 and is not to be recommended4 ,a fresh plate is served with each course1 it being the rule that no two meals should be eaten from the same plate4 ,serving the ,different ,courses4 ,game forms the next course1 with such sauces and accompaniments as are desired4 ,the salad follows and usually forms a course by itself1 accompanied by crackers1 or thinly buttered half slices of brown bread4 ,these are usually passed in a silver breadbasket4 ,roman punch1 when it is served1 comes between the roasts and the game1 thus preparing the palate for the new flavor4 ,cheese follows the salad sometimes1 and sometimes accompanies it4 ,then the ices and sweets4 ,when the ices are removed1 the desert plates1 overlaid with a dainty doily1 upon which is set a finger-bowl1 are passed1 and the fruits appear4 ,confections are then served1 to be followed with black coffee in tiny after-dinner coffee-cups1 which are passed on a salver1 together with lump sugar1 and small gold or silver spoons2 no cream4 ,the strong1 ,french ,caf et noir ,transcriber's ,note3 ,caf noir1 or black coffee1 is always used4 ,if liquors are served they come in here1 a decanter of ,cognac being frequently handed around with the coffee4 ,jellies for the meats1 relishes such as olives1 celery and radishes2 all the sharp sauces and condiments which are to be used during the meal1 are on a sideboard1 together with a silver breadbasket containing a reserve of bread4 ,the butler should have some means of signalling for anything wanted by means of a bell that rings in the kitchen1 also of letting the cook know when it is time to send up another course4 ,guests1 while not expected to ask for second helpings of any course1 are always permitted to ask for renewed supplies of bread1 water or champagne when wished4 ,all dishes are to be removed quietly1 and either placed in a dumbwaiter or given in charge of a maidservant just outside the door4 ,if it is necessary to have any dishes or silver used again1 they must be cleansed out of sight and hearing of the guests1 as also no odor of cookery must reach the dining-room4 ,large1 flat baskets must be in readiness to transport the china and silver to the kitchen4 ,to wait at a large dinner the attendants should average one to every three people3 hence1 it will be well for the small household to engage outside attendance4 ,very skilful servants have been known to successfully attend to as many as six guests1 but one must be sure of this beforehand4 ,the ,menu4 ,it will be seen after a perusal of this that the order of the formal1 modern dinner la ,russe1 is very much as follows3 ,oysters1 soup1 fish1 roast1 entres1 ,roman punch1 game1 salad and cheese1 dessert1 fruits1 sweets1 coffee4 ,to make this clearer1 one bill of fare will be given as an example1 always remembering that the number of courses may be lessened in order to suit the taste or purse of the host4 ,many courses are not a necessity1 but the finest quality and the best of cookery should mark each dish served4 ,every dinner should begin with soup1 to be followed by fish1 and include some kind of game4 ,to this order there is no repeal1 since soup is to the dinner1 says ,de la ,regnier1 what the portico is to the building or the overture is to an opera4 ,from this there is never any deviation4 ,a standard bill of fare for a well-regulated dinner is as follows3 ,oysters on the ,half-shell4 ,mock ,turtle ,soup4 ,salmon with ,lobster ,sauce4 ,cucumbers4 ,chicken ,croquettes4 ,tomato ,sauce4 ,roast ,lamb with ,spinach4 ,canvas-back ,duck4 ,celery4 ,string ,beans served on ,toast4 ,lettuce ,salad4 ,cheese ,omelet4 ,pineapple ,bavarian ,cream4 ,charlotte ,russe4 ,ices4 ,fruits4 ,coffee4 ,each course may be served on dishes different from the other courses2 also fancy dishes1 unlike any of the rest1 may be used to pass relishes1 such as olives1 and add greatly to the beauty of the table service4 ,suitable sets for fish and game1 decorated in accordance1 are greatly to be admired4 ,menu holders are frequently very pretty1 and upon the menu card itself much taste and expense are sometimes lavished4 ,still it is not considered good taste to have them at every plate1 for the reason that it savors too much of hotel style4 ,the guests are expected to allow their glasses to be filled at every course4 ,if it is something for which they do not care1 they may content themselves with a few morsels of bread and a sip or two of water until the next course is served4 ,the host should always have a menu at his plate1 that he may see if the dinner is moving properly in its appointed course4 ,favors4 ,very pretty favors besides flowers are frequently laid at the ladies' plates to serve as souvenirs of the occasion4 ,the location card or name card may be very beautifully painted4 ,other articles1 such as decorated ,easter eggs of plush1 velvet1 or satin handkerchief holders1 fans1 painted satin bags1 etc41 are all in good taste4 ,each of them1 if possible1 is made to open and disclose some choice confection4 ,they may be ordered in quantity from some house dealing in such articles1 or many of them can be prettily and inexpensively devised at home by any one having sufficient time and taste4 ,baskets of flowers1 with bows of broad satin ribbon tied on one side the handle1 are also suitable for both ladies and gentlemen4 ,gentlemen's favors are usually useful1 such as scarf pins1 sleeve buttons1 small purses1 etc4 ,wines1 and ,how to ,serve ,them4 ,fortunately1 since more than once the first lady in our land1 for the time being1 has proven to us by example that the stateliest of dinners may be wineless1 it is far from necessary that wine should be served4 ,still1 if wines are to be used1 they should be brought on correctly1 each wine having its proper place in the varied courses of a dinner1 as each note has its fit position in a chord of music4 ,by long-established custom certain wines have come to be taken with certain dishes4 ,sherry and ,sauterne1 as given by a very good authority1 go with soup and fish2 ,hock and ,claret with roast meats2 ,punch with turtle2 ,champagne with sweet breads or cutlets2 ,port with venison2 ,port or ,burgundy with other game2 sparkling wines between the meats and the confectionery2 ,madeira with sweets2 ,port with cheese2 ,sherry and ,claret1 ,port1 ,tokay and ,madeira with dessert4 ,red wines should never be iced1 even in summer2 ,claret and ,burgundy should always be slightly warmed 7left in a warm room is sufficient74 ,claret-cup and ,champagne are iced 7some epicures object to this74 ,cool the wines in the bottles4 ,to put clear ice in the glasses is simply to weaken the quality and flavor of the wine1 and1 as a matter of fact1 to serve wine and water4 ,the glasses for the various wines are usually grouped at the right of the plate1 and as different styles and sizes are used for different wines1 it is well for the novice to be accustomed to these in order to avoid the awkwardness of putting forward the wrong glass4 ,high and narrow1 also very broad and shallow glasses1 are used for ,champagne2 large1 goblet-shaped glasses for ,burgundy and a ruby-red glass for ,claret2 ordinary wineglasses for ,sherry and ,madeira2 green ,bohemian glasses for ,hock2 and large1 bell-shaped glasses for ,port4 ,port1 ,sherry and ,madeira are decanted4 ,hock and ,champagne appear in their native bottles4 ,claret and ,burgundy are handed around in a claret jug4 ,in handing a bottle fresh from the ice-chest the waiter wraps a napkin around it to absorb the moisture4 ,coffee and liquors should be handed around when the dessert has been about a quarter of an hour on the table4 ,after this the ladies usually retire1 a custom that has happily fallen into disrepute1 the coffee being served without the liquors1 and ladies and gentlemen partaking of it together4 ,roman punch is served in all manner of dainty conceits as to glass1 imitations of flowers1 etc4 ,never allow servants to overfill the wineglasses4 ,ladies never empty their glasses1 and usually take but one kind of wine4 ,this is especially true of young ladies1 who1 very often1 do not taste their one glass4 ,gracefully ,declined4 ,if wine is not desired from principle1 merely touching the brim of the glass with the finger-tip is all the refusal a well-trained servant needs4 ,a still better plan is to permit one glass to be filled and allow it to stand untasted at your plate4 ,in responding to a health1 it is ungracious not to1 at least1 lift the glass and let its contents touch the lips4 ,never make your refusal of wine conspicuous4 ,your position as guest in no wise appoints you a censor of your host's conduct in offering wine at his table1 and any marked feeling displayed on the subject would simply show a want of consideration and good breeding4 ,a dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often marked1 in compliment1 by an entire absence of wine4 ,if there is but one wine served with a simple dinner1 it should be ,sherry or ,claret1 and should be in glass decanters on the table4 ,the guests can help themselves2 the hostess can offer it immediately after soup4 ,the announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible4 ,the butler1 or head waiter1 who should be in full evening dress1 minus gloves1 quietly says1 ,dinner is served1 or1 as in ,france1 ,madame is served4 ,better still1 he catches the eye of the hostess and simply bows1 whereupon she immediately rises1 and the guests following her example1 the order of the procession to the dining-room is formed at once4 ,the waiters1 aside from the head one1 are usually in livery4 ,order of ,precedence4 ,in the matter of going out to dinner the host takes precedence1 giving his right arm to the most honored lady guest4 ,if the dinner is given in honor of any particular guest1 she is the one chosen1 if not1 any bride that may be present1 or the oldest lady1 or some visitor from abroad4 ,the other guests then fall in line1 gentlemen having had their partners pointed out to them1 and wherever necessary1 introductions are given4 ,the hostess comes last of all1 having taken the arm of the gentleman most to be honored4 ,in the dining-room no precedence is observed after the host1 save that the younger couples draw back and allow their elders to be seated4 ,precedence of rank is not as common here as in ,europe4 ,on entering the door1 if it is not wide enough to permit of two entering abreast1 the gentleman falls back a step and permits the lady to enter first4 ,all remain standing until the hostess seats herself1 when the guests find their places1 either by means of name cards at their plates1 or by a few quiet directions1 the gentlemen being seated last4 ,the highest place of honor for gentlemen is at the right of the hostess1 the next1 at her left1 and for ladies at the right and left of their host4 ,the hostess should never eclipse her guests in her toilet1 and neither host nor hostess should endeavor to shine in conversation4 ,to draw out the guests1 to lead the conversation in pleasant channels1 to break up long discussions1 and to discover all possibilities of brilliancy in the company around their board1 should be their aim4 ,the hostess must never press dishes upon her guests1 but they are permitted1 if they wish1 to praise any viand that has pleased them4 ,the hostess must appear to be eating until all the company have finished1 and her watchful eye must see that every want is supplied4 ,at the close of the repast the hostess slightly bows to the lady at the right of the host1 when all the guests rise and return in order to the drawing-room4 ,where gentlemen remain around the table for that fraction of an hour1-- ,across the walnuts and the wine1 all rise1 and the gentlemen remain standing until the ladies leave the room4 ,the gentleman who had the honor of escorting the hostess into the table1 walks with her to the door2 here she pauses to allow the host's companion to pass through1 when the host1 who has escorted her thither1 returns to the table1 the other gentlemen following his example4 ,the hostess is the last lady to leave the room1 whereupon her escort closes the door and returns to the table1 where the gentlemen group themselves carelessly at one end of the table1 for that half hour of conversation and cigars4 ,where wine is not used the gentlemen frequently remain behind for smoking1 and some hosts immediately withdraw with them to the smoking-room4 ,coffee is frequently served in the drawing-room1 where the ladies have had their little chat after the return thither of the gentlemen4 ,informal and ,easy4 ,the hostess1 assisted by a daughter1 or a young lady friend1 usually pours the beverage1 and the gentlemen pass it around to the ladies1 thus forming the most delightfully informal groups for conversation4 ,sugar is passed by a servant1 or else the hostess drops two or three lumps of it in each saucer1 a sugar bowl1 with sugar tongs1 standing beside her4 ,cream is not the correct thing for after-dinner coffee4 ,very many hostesses1 however1 prefer to have coffee and fruits finish the table menu1 after which the entire party retire to the drawing-room1 where1 for the half or three-quarters of an hour preceding their departure1 soft music from some hidden orchestra may be permitted to fill the air with harmony4 ,occasionally1 a little programme is arranged of music and song1 to fill this interval4 ,but1 in many cases1 and wisely1 conversation is the preferred entertainment4 ,french ,terms4 ,good taste now dictates that the bill of fare1 where one is printed or written1 should be couched in the ,king's ,english1 yet1 one is so frequently thrown in positions where a knowledge of the ,french terms so often used in such cases is somewhat of necessity1 that a short glossary of the same may be useful3 ,menu ,bill of fare4 ,caf et noir ,black coffee4 ,caf au lait ,coffee with milk4 ,a dinner begins with1 ,huitres ,oysters4 ,followed by1 ,potage ,soup1 ,hors d'oeuvres ,dainty dishes1 ,poisson ,fish1 ,entremets ,vegetables1 ,roti ,roast1 ,entres ,dishes after roast1 ,gibier ,game1 ,salades ,salads1 ,fruits et dessert ,fruits and dessert1 ,fromage ,cheese1 ,caf ,coffee4 ,right or ,left ,arm8 ,this is a disputed question1 for the solution of which each party gives valid reasons4 ,most gentlemen prefer to give the right arm1 since the seating of the lady is at the right side always2 but many1 to preserve the feudal significance of the custom that bade the good knight keep his sword arm free for defence1 if need be1 offer the left4 ,since1 too1 dinner gowns have usually a train to be managed as best it may1 ladies also prefer the tender of the left arm1 as that leaves their own left arm free to manage the trailing1 silken folds4 ,the right arm1 however1 has the balance of favor1 though gentlemen are bound to follow the example of their host as he precedes them to the dining-room4 ,further ,hints4 ,members of families should never be seated together4 ,this rule has no exceptions4 ,a gentlemen should never forget the wants of the lady under his charge1 but the lady should remember not to monopolize his attention exclusively4 ,the gentleman is supposed to be particularly attentive to the lady at his right1 to pass the lady on his left anything with which she may be unsupplied1 and to be agreeable to the lady opposite4 ,he will1 even if a young man1 feel it a mark of respect when he is invited to take an elderly lady down1 but if the hostess is careful for the happiness of her guests1 he will probably find a young lady at his left hand4 ,in selecting the number of guests1 care should be taken that it is not such as shall bring two ladies or two gentlemen together4 ,odd numbers will do this1 while even will not4 ,american ,dinner ,services4 ,the ,american dinner service is much more simple1 and is the one usually adopted in modest establishments in this country4 ,one well-trained maid should be able to render all the assistance required at the table4 ,given the before-mentioned maid1 a lady can1 with previous management1 give a dinner as elegantly1 and perhaps with more perfect hospitality1 than where the whole affair is relegated to the hands of an experienced caterer4 ,in laying the table the same manner of arrangement is to be observed as for dinner la ,russe1 save that there are more dishes on the board and the decorations are placed with a view to leaving all the space possible4 ,celery is now served in low1 flat dishes1 and these1 together with olives and various relishes1 may be placed on the table in all manner of dainty1 ornamental dishes4 ,large spoons for the next course are also supplied4 ,oysters are in place when the guests enter the room1 and the servant sometimes passes brown bread to eat with them2 this is cut thin1 buttered and folded4 ,after passing this it is replaced on the sideboard2 water is then poured1 when1 beginning with the oyster plate of the guest at the right of the host1 she removes it1 and the others1 as rapidly as possible1 leaving the under plate4 ,soup tureen1 ladle1 and plates1 or bowls1 are then placed before the hostess and the maid1 standing at her left hand1 takes the plates one by one1 and passes them at the left hand of guests4 ,this accomplished1 the tureen is removed1 and the host1 having finished his soup1 is ready for the fish1 which is placed before him together with hot plates1 and potatoes in some form1 accompanied or not by a salad4 ,directions to ,waiters4 ,the servant then proceeds to remove the soup-plates and the plates beneath4 ,by this time the host has divided the fish1 and1 standing at his left hand1 the maid takes the plates as he fills them1 and passes them1 serving first the guest at his right4 ,a piece of fish1 a potato1 and a little fish sauce1 are placed on each plate4 ,if both salad and potato are served at the same course1 place the salad dish before the hostess and let her serve it upon small1 extra plates or dishes4 ,if salad alone is served1 it is usually placed upon the plate with the fish4 ,the fish-platter should now be removed4 ,the plates may also be taken when it is seen there is no more need of them1 beginning with those first served1 as it is presumed they will have first finished1 since it is etiquette for each guest to begin eating so soon as the plate is placed before him4 ,the next course is the roast4 ,while the host is carving this1 one or more varieties of vegetables are set at hand4 ,portions of the meat and the accompanying vegetable are placed on the same plate1 and the servant passes them in the same order as before1 and immediately follows them with the second or third vegetable dish1 if two kinds have been placed on the plate4 ,this is where the gentleman sitting next the lady on the host's right can help her and then himself1 afterwards moving it as she passes the plates1 so that the other gentlemen can do likewise4 ,if a double course is served1 which is hardly advisable1 save at very large dinners1 the lighter dish is placed before the hostess1 and the servant presents each plate to her for a portion before passing it4 ,after this the courses do not move so rapidly and the maid remains standing a little back at the left of the hostess' chair where she can easily observe the slightest signal4 ,the hostess signs when the plates are to be removed1 and the principal dishes are allowed to remain until the course is finished4 ,in removing courses no piling up of dishes should be allowed4 ,one plate in each hand is all that can be conveniently managed4 ,after the fish1 if other forks are not on the table1 they must be supplied for the next course4 ,after the plates are removed1 the roast and smaller dishes follow4 ,salads and ,desserts4 ,sherbet1 or wines1 are served here1 if at all4 ,the game1 or poultry1 comes next1 salads or jelly accompanying it4 ,the salad is placed before the hostess4 ,if salad is served in a separate course1 it is usually accompanied by cheese1 and sometimes by small pieces of brown bread1 thinly buttered and folded4 ,this course finished1 everything is removed from the table--plates1 dishes1 relishes1 etc4--crumbs brushed1 and the principal dessert-dish placed before the hostess together with every requisite for serving it4 ,the maid then passes the tart or pudding same as the other dishes1 taking two plates at a time1 and beginning with the two ladies on right and left of host1 taking the others in order4 ,each person1 on receiving a plate in any course1 begins to eat1 since this facilitates the serving of the dinner and gives warm dishes to all4 ,the maid1 during this course1 quietly arranges the fruit-plates1 finger-bowls1 and the after-dinner coffees and tiny spoons upon the sideboard1 when she is ready to remove the dishes1 and place the fruit-plates in position4 ,the coffees are then put at each guest's right1 unless they are to be served afterward in the drawing-room1 and the dinner service is virtually ended4 ,if wine is offered1 it is served between the courses1 the host helping the lady at his right1 and asking the gentleman next to do the same1 and so on around the table4 ,both host and hostess should have been able to keep up an interest in the conversation at table1 and not to betray the slightest anxiety as to the success of the affair4 ,host or hostess should never make disparaging remarks as to the quality of dishes2 and still less should they refer to their costliness1 and should know beforehand as to the edge of the carving-knife1 as the use of a steel is not permissible4 ,the foregoing rules will be found to embody the simplest and most correct method of serving a dinner la ,american ,transcriber's ,note3 l'amricaine4 ,dinner ,dress4 ,ladies dress elegantly1 and in any manner1 or color1 that fancy or becomingness may dictate4 ,corsages1 however1 while open at the neck in either square1 or heart-shaped fashion1 are not as low-cut as for a ball-dress1 while the sleeves are usually of demi-length4 ,gloves are always worn1 and not removed until seated at the table4 ,they are not resumed afterward unless dancing follows4 ,very young ladies wear less expensive toilets of white or delicately tinted wools1 or light-weight silks4 ,gentlemen are expected to wear the conventional evening dress4 ,to be gloved or not to be gloved is a vexed question with them4 ,it is well to be provided with a pair of light gloves1 and let your own self-possession and the example of others decide for you at the moment4 ,a gentleman faultlessly gloved cannot go far wrong4 ,coming and ,going4 ,promptness in arriving is a virtue1 but remember that you have no claim upon the time of your host or hostess1 until ten or fifteen minutes before the hour appointed1 and1 if you inadvertently arrive too soon you should remain in the dressing-room until very near the hour4 ,departure is from half to three-quarters of an hour after the repast1 and no matter what the entertainment1 eleven o'clock should find every dinner guest departed4 ,functions4 ,the practice of calling the ordinary reception1 ball1 party or dinner a function is simply a bad habit4 ,it comes to us from ,england1 where a confusion of ideas has made this word the popular synonym for any social happening4 ,the error in ,england is perhaps pardonable1 for the reason that very many of the society performances there are actually functions1 and in course of time the unlearned and the careless have come to call every society performance a function4 ,the royal drawing-rooms 7so-called7 are functions1 and the ,lord ,mayor's dinner is a function--in fine1 that is a function which is a course of action peculiarly pertaining to any public office in church or state4 ,the receptions and dinners which1 in his official capacity as ,president of the ,world's ,fair1 ,mr4 ,higinbotham gave were functions4 ,but the receptions1 dinners1 high teas1 given by people holding no official position whatsoever1 do not partake of the nature of functions4 ,dinner ,favors4 ,favors may be simple or elaborate1 as the purse of the giver may dictate4 ,appropriateness and simplicity1 however1 show better taste than the extraordinary vagaries in which some indulge4 ,among the really admirable selections which are offered by dealers of many sorts1 nothing is better than the bonbonnires shown by confectioners of the higher grade4 ,they are delightful in color1 exquisite in design1 and while they are made into receptacles for sweets for the time being1 they can later be turned to a dozen more permanent uses4 ,one design which is1 perhaps1 the most elegant of all1 takes the form of an opera bag4 ,it is made of the heaviest cream-white silk and has embroidered on it in dainty ribbon work forget-me-nots1 tiny rosebuds1 or jessamine4 ,at the top it is finished with the popular extension clasp of fine burnished gilt1 and when in use as a favor is lined with tinted paper and filled with the finest chocolates or with candied violets4 ,slippers1 too1 are seen1 and1 while not of glass1 are suggestive of ,cinderella's tiny foot4 ,they are crocheted of fine colored cord1 are stiffened and molded over a form1 then fitted with a bag of silk and tied with ribbons of the same shade4 ,like the bags1 they are made the excuse of sweets1 and1 like them1 they add to the decorative effect1 for they stand in coquettish fashion before each cover and challenge the admiration inspired in the prince of fairy legend4 ,books and booklets are much in vogue and make as acceptable favors as any that can be desired if only selected with judgment and with care4 ,small volumes of verse bound in vellum are always good4 ,single poems from any one of the recognized poets put up in artistic booklet form are as nearly perfect as favors can be4 ,book covers1 too1 are good1 and some bookmarks are shown that are excellent both in color and in their evident ability to withstand the usage they are sure to get if they are allowed to do any service at all4 ,one clever hostess who gave a dinner1 and who handles her brush unusually well1 devised a book cover and leaflet combined that proved a great success4 ,she had the covers made in the regulation size of pale sage chamois skin and added the decoration herself4 ,she painted each in the flower that the guest loved best1 for her feminine friends1 and each in some convenient design for the men1 and across the corner was the name of each in quaint gold letters4 ,she folded heavy parchment paper in booklet form1 and with her brush wrote in silver bronze selections from the wit and wisdom of the ages4 ,then she slipped the miniature books within the covers and left the brilliant thoughts that they contained to start the conversational ball4 ,her dinner was pronounced a great success1 and it was remarked by many that there was none of that awkward silence which so often precedes the soup4 ,table ,etiquette4 ,illustration ,the minuti of table etiquette offers to onlookers the best evidence of good or ill-breeding1 and in the graceful observance thereof is displayed all the difference between dining elegantly and merely consuming food1 for it is at the table that the ill-bred and the well-bred man are most strongly contrasted4 ,how to eat soup1 or partake of grapes1 and what to do with a cherry stone1 though apparently trivial in themselves1 are weighty matters when taken as an index of social standing4 ,and it is safe to say that the young man who drank from his saucer1 or the young woman who ate peas with her knife1 would court the risk of banishment from good society4 ,in regard to the first essentials of table manners we are bound to consider the laying of the table1 the manner of being seated thereat1 the use of the napkin1 the proper handling of those most invaluable implements1 knife1 fork and spoon1 together with a short dissertation on those older implements1 ,adam's knives and forks4 ,the ,breakfast ,table4 ,this first repast of the day should always be daintily and appetizingly spread1 and the etiquette there observed1 as at all other meals of the day1 should be of a nature to render the observance on more stately occasions second nature to the members of the family4 ,children so trained will find little difficulty in after days as to their table etiquette4 ,the table itself should be spread with clean linen1 first overlaying the surface with a sub-cloth of double canton flannel1 felting1 or a white blanket that has seen its best days of usefulness4 ,this is done for the better appearance of the table linen1 for the deadening of sound1 and the protection of the table from the heated dishes4 ,the table linen for home use need not be of the finest2 cleanliness being1 after all1 the chief requisite4 ,illustration3 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,the ,,table4 ,before the mistress of the house stands the tray covered with a large napkin1 or a prettily etched tray-cloth4 ,this is filled with cups and saucers4 ,the coffee-urn is at her right hand with cream1 sugar1 spoons1 and waste-bowl convenient4 ,in front of the master of the house is spread a large napkin with the corner to the center of the table4 ,an ornamental carving cloth may be used in its place4 ,on this is placed whatever dish of meat it is his province to serve4 ,on the opposite side of the table dishes of bread and any hot breakfast rolls or gems balance one another4 ,the dish of potatoes stands close to1 and at the right of1 the platter1 ready to be served with the meat4 ,any other vegetable served at the same meal should be placed at the left of the platter4 ,mats are wholly a style of the past4 ,where the dish is very hot1 or liable to soil the cloth1 fringed squares of heavy linen1 etched or embroidered1 take their place4 ,the castor1 too1 is banished from tables polite1 and its place may be taken by a few flowers1 or bits of vine1 in a simple vase4 ,the butter dish and the individual butters should be placed by the side of the one who is to serve it4 ,fancy sauce and vinegar cruets1 and salts and peppers are grouped at each end of the table1 sometimes on small trays of hammered brass4 ,knives1 ,forks and ,napkins4 ,heated plates are placed before the carver1 and the carving knife 7well sharpened7 and fork are placed1 with their rest at his right4 ,on any occasion when plates are laid at each place1 turn them face up4 ,to the right of the plate is the knife with edge turned from the person to use it4 ,as to the fork1 authorities differ1 some contending that it should be placed on the right hand1 and the knife next1 with sharp edge turned from the user4 ,this latter fashion is best at simple meals where but one knife and fork are used4 ,others contend that the fork should be laid at the left4 ,this latter fashion should be followed where several knives and forks are necessary for an elaborate dinner4 ,the simply-folded napkin is at the left hand4 ,the glass and individual butter plate are placed near the point of the knife4 ,to avoid waiting where there is any haste1 the butters may be filled before the family are seated4 ,if oatmeal1 or any porridge1 is to be served1 the dish should be placed upon the table before the house mistress1 together with the requisite number of small bowls1 or saucers1 in which she serves it1 adding sugar and cream1 or passing these1 as seems best to her4 ,afterwards these plates and the dish itself should be removed1 when the hot plates and the remainder of the breakfast should be brought in4 ,where there is fruit1 as is the case in very nice homes1 it is to form a third course2 all other dishes are to be removed before the fruit is placed upon the table1 and each person provided with a small plate with a doily1 or fruit napkin1 laid upon it1 a silver fruit knife1 and possibly a finger-bowl set upon the doily2 also a teaspoon or orange-spoon when oranges are on the table4 ,if berries are served fruit saucers will be required4 ,in busy homes the fruit is frequently placed upon the table at the beginning of the repast and served at its end without change of plates4 ,many persons prefer to begin their breakfast with fruit4 ,the napery at breakfast may be colored if so desired4 ,the ,dinner ,table4 ,the dinner table for home meals is laid very much after the fashion of the breakfast table with the omission of the server4 ,if there is to be more than one course1 such as a salad1 another fork must be added1 in which case it will be best to place the forks at the left of the plate4 ,if there is fish1 another extra fork1 or else the appropriate little fish knife and fork1 is demanded4 ,if a fork only is used1 the flakes of fish may be pushed upon the fork by means of a bit of bread4 ,a half slice of bread should lie in1 or beside1 the folded napkin4 ,the soup tureen is placed before the mistress of the house1 together with the soup dishes4 ,into each of these she puts a ladle full of soup and passes it along4 ,where there is a servant to wait1 he1 or she1 takes each dish from her hand and serves those at table1 always passing to their left hand in so doing4 ,when the soup is removed1 the under plates should also be taken and hot plates brought in for the next course4 ,the meat is placed before the carver1 dishes of vegetables flanking either side4 ,the plates are filled and passed1 or else handed around by a servant4 ,sometimes the meat only is put on the plates and the dishes of vegetables are passed from one to another at the table or handed around by a servant4 ,do not place a quantity of small vegetable dishes at each plate2 it is too suggestive of hotel and restaurant life2 peas and some other similarly cooked vegetables are an exception to this rule4 ,side dishes1 such as pickles1 etc41 are placed on the table when it is first laid4 ,if a salad is to form the next course1 all the dishes should be carried out1 the meat being taken first1 then the dishes of vegetables1 after that1 plates and butter plates4 ,a tray is much better to transfer all articles except large platters4 ,never permit a maid to scrape the contents of one plate into another1 with a clatter of knives and forks1 and then triumphantly bear off the entire pile at once4 ,the salad is to be eaten with a silver fork1 and is served with rolls or biscuit4 ,where the home dinner is simple the salad is frequently served in small dishes and passed during the progress of the repast4 ,before dessert is brought on1 all table furniture should be removed save glasses and water bottle1 and the cloth brushed free from crumbs with crumb-tray and napkin1 or scraper1 in preference to a brush1 which is apt to soil the cloth4 ,the dessert is then to be placed on the table and the mistress serves the pastry or pudding on small plates or saucers which are placed before her4 ,tea1 coffee1 or chocolate1 may now be handed around1 but never sooner4 ,at a very ceremonious dinner they appear last of all4 ,if fruit is to follow the pastry1 fruit plates1 arranged as for breakfast1 must be substituted for the dessert plates1 as soon as the guests are done with these4 ,it is to be expected that each family will adapt the above outline to suit their own needs1 omitting such features as they have neither time to devote to nor servants to accomplish4 ,the ideas here given1 however1 are suitable as the nucleus of the most elaborate dinner1 or may be simplified to fit the plainest repast4 ,the ,supper ,table4 ,the table for supper is laid very much after the general plan given for breakfast1 with the exception of the oatmeal4 ,if the tea is made at the table1 which is the daintiest way1 the other adjuncts of the tray must be supplemented by a dainty brass or bronze hot-water kettle swung over an alcohol lamp1 and a pretty tea caddy4 ,lovely silver caddies1 with lock and key1 are to be had and make an appropriate wedding gift4 ,a cosy or thick wadded cap for setting over the teapot1 to keep the heat in1 is another pretty essential1 which may be made as ornamental as is liked4 ,at supper cold meats are usually served1 and cake is taken with the fruit1 while vegetables1 unless those served in salad form1 are omitted4 ,the ,lunch ,table4 ,in cities1 the lunch takes the place of the twelve o'clock dinner1 just as the late city dinner replaces the supper1 dear to country hearts4 ,the table for lunch is laid much like that for supper1 the dishes being all placed at the table at one time1 and the ladies of the family1 for to them it is usually devoted1 gathering around it without the formality of a servant4 ,signs of ,ill-,breeding4 ,the order of laying the table1 and serving the dishes having been given1 it now remains to give some information as to the conduct of those at the table4 ,this is rendered more necessary from the fact that many well-dressed1 and apparently well-bred people1 sin so grievously against the simplest laws of table etiquette1 as not only to display their own want of breeding1 but to actually annoy those about them by their sins of omission and commission4 ,the most important table implements are knife1 fork1 and spoon1 and with these we begin1 in the order of their prominence4 ,the ,fork4 ,the fork having1 as one writer happily suggests1 subjugated the knife1 demands our first attention4 ,the subjugation of the knife is so complete in this country1 ,england1 ,france and ,austria that any attempt to give the knife undue prominence at table is looked upon as a glaring offense against good taste4 ,this aversion to the use of the knife probably arose first from the more agreeable sensation to the lips that is produced by the delicate tines of a fork in contrast to the broad blade of a knife4 ,also the fact that the steel of which knives were1 and are still1 to some extent1 made1 imparts1 by contact1 a disagreeable flavor to many articles of food4 ,in the use of the knife and fork daintiness should be cultivated4 ,they should be held with the handles resting in the palms of the hands when cutting1 or separating food2 but1 in conveying food to the mouth1 the handle of the fork should not be kept against the palm1 as to do so would give it an awkward appearance in lifting to the lips4 ,fork and knife should be held firmly but without any apparent exertion of strength4 ,never strive to load the fork with meat and vegetables at the same time4 ,to do so is to commit an offence against manners and digestion1 and never push the food from the fork with the knife4 ,take upon the fork what it will easily carry and no more4 ,oyster forks are usually provided when oysters on the shell are served4 ,either the right or the left hand may be employed in lifting them to the lips4 ,the shell should be steadied with the other hand4 ,the fork may be handled with either hand1 the right being more generally used4 ,it is well1 however1 to be trained in the use of both hands1 thus avoiding the slight awkwardness attending the constant changing of the fork from one hand to the other4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,correct ,,position ,,for ,,holding ,,knife ,,and ,,fork4 ,in using the fork in the left hand it should be lifted to the lips1 tines pointing downward4 ,the fork1 which should convey but a very moderate amount of food1 should always be carried to the mouth in a position as nearly parallel to it as possible4 ,this does away with the thrusting motion and the awkward sweep of the elbow that is so annoying to the onlooker4 ,the fork is also used to convey back to the plate bits of bone or other substances unfit to swallow4 ,eject them quietly upon the fork and quickly deposit them upon the edge of the plate4 ,the softer cheeses are eaten with a fork4 ,as to the harder varieties1 some use the fork and others break with the fork and convey to the mouth with the fingers4 ,use the fork to break up a potato on your plate2 do not touch it with the knife4 ,ices1 stiffly preserved fruits1 etc41 are all eaten with a fork4 ,in fact1 the fork is to convey all food to the mouth that is not so liquid in its nature as to require the use of a spoon4 ,the ,spoon4 ,the spoon comes next as an article of importance at the table4 ,soups1 all thinly cooked vegetables1 canned and stewed fruits1 peaches and cream1 melons1 oranges by some1 very thick chocolate1 ,roman punch1 and other dishes that common sense will dictate at the moment1 are to be partaken of by its aid4 ,one should drink tea and coffee1 however1 and not spoonful it4 ,use the teaspoon to gently stir up and dissolve the sugar in the cup1 then lay it in the saucer and lift the cup to the lips by the handle4 ,never be guilty of leaving the spoon in the cup and compassing it with one or more fingers in carrying it to the lips4 ,in partaking of soup the spoon should be swept through the liquid away from the person1 lifted to the mouth1 and the soup taken noiselessly from the side of the spoon4 ,in thus lifting any liquids from the further side of the dish1 or cup1 there is time for any drop adhering to the outside to fall in the dish before carrying to the lips4 ,only to gentlemen possessed of a luxuriant mustache is it permitted to take soup from the point of the spoon1 always providing they can do so skilfully and without an awkward use of the arm4 ,the gold or silver spoons for after-dinner coffee are very small1 as befits the dainty cups of egg-shell china4 ,the ,knife4 ,properly1 the knife may be said to have no use at the table save to assist the fork in separating food into morsels fit for mastication4 ,never1 no1 never1 permit it to be introduced into the mouth upon any occasion whatever4 ,to do so is the height of ill-breeding4 ,adam's ,knives and ,forks4 ,there are a number of things that the most fashionable and well-bred people now eat at the dinner table with their fingers4 ,they are3 ,olives1 to which a fork should never be applied2 asparagus1 whether hot or cold1 when served whole1 as it should be2 lettuce1 which1 when served in whole leaves1 should be dipped in the dressing or in a little salt2 celery1 which may be properly placed upon the tablecloth beside the plate4 ,to these may be added strawberries1 when served with the stems on1 as they are in most elegant houses4 ,dip them in cream and then in sugar 7sometimes sugar only is served71 holding by the stem end and eating in one or more bites1 according to size4 ,bread1 toast1 and all tarts and small cakes2 fruit of all kinds1 except melons and preserves1 which are eaten with a spoon2 cheese1 except the softer varieties2 all these are eaten with the fingers1 even by the most fastidious people4 ,even the leg1 or other small piece of a bird is taken up daintily in the fingers of one hand at fashionable dinners4 ,water cress is taken in the fingers4 ,it is usually served upon a shallow dish or a basket1 a fringed napkin covering bottom and sides4 ,artichokes1 also1 are eaten with the fingers4 ,lump sugar may be taken with the fingers1 if no tongs are provided4 ,if a plate of hot1 unbroken biscuit is passed1 one may be broken off with the fingers4 ,napkin and ,finger-,bowl4 ,napkins vary in size1 from the diminutive1 fancy doily1 for ornament rather than use1 through all gradations1 up to the largest sized dinner napkin4 ,in using these do not spread over the entire lap1 nor fasten under the chin bib-fashion1 nor in the buttonhole1 and1 if a man1 do not tuck in the vest pockets4 ,all these are fashions which should have been outgrown in the nursery4 ,simply unfold and lay carelessly in the lap on one knee1 use to wipe the lips lightly1 or the finger tips when necessary4 ,some very exquisite people manage to eject fruit seeds1 or skins1 or anything unfit to swallow1 from the lips into the napkin1 by pressing it against the mouth1 then dropping them skilfully from its folds upon the plate4 ,all such careful observances tend to remove1 as much as possible1 from the modern repast1 the prosaic1 and unromantic ideas suggested by the idea of eating4 ,finger-bowls are brought on the table after the dessert is removed and before the fruit is served4 ,they are usually placed before each individual on the fancy glass or china plate that is to be used for the fruit1 a fancy doily being laid between the bowl and plate4 ,remove bowl and doily at once to the right hand side1 leaving plate free for the fruit4 ,this doily is frequently an elaborate article of fancy work1 not for use but ornament4 ,hence1 unless its place is taken by a fruit napkin or smaller napkin1 as is sometimes done1 passed around before dessert1 the dinner napkin is used4 ,avoiding ,fruit ,stains4 ,some hostesses dislike to have fruit stains upon their elegant dinner napkins2 hence1 the custom of supplying smaller napkins at the beginning of dessert4 ,this1 however1 cumbers the dinner with much serving and is not to be recommended4 ,if done1 the smaller napkins are to be passed around1 and the large ones permitted to remain4 ,at the close of the dinner the napkin is not to be folded1 but left lying loosely at the side of the plate4 ,if a guest in the house1 however1 unless fresh napkins are supplied at every meal1 they should be folded and placed in the napkin ring4 ,the rule for using napkins is that they be touched gently to the lips1 and the finger-tips wiped daintily upon them1 but as nice customs courtesy to great kings1 so1 to those gentlemen possessing luxuriant mustaches1 a greater freedom is permitted in its use4 ,the finger-bowls are to be two-thirds full of slightly warmed water1 and a rose geranium leaf or a slice of lemon should float upon the surface of each4 ,the fingers of one hand at a time are to be dipped in the water1 rubbing the leaf or lemon between them to remove any odor of food1 and then dried upon the napkin4 ,sometimes1 after partaking of meats1 one may dip a corner of the napkin in the finger-bowl1 and1 allowing it to drop back of the dry portion of the napkin1 wipe the lips with it4 ,a gentleman is permitted to moisten and wipe his mustache in the same manner4 ,remember1 always to exercise the greatest care not to have the operation a very visible one1 as it is not particularly attractive to the onlooker4 ,a small glass of perfumed water is sometimes placed in the center of the finger-bowl for this purpose4 ,lift it to the lips and sip slightly1 being careful not to have the appearance of taking it for a beverage1 and immediately dry the lips upon the napkin4 ,while eating meats1 etc41 use the napkin before touching the lips to a glass1 else the crystal edge may present a very disagreeable spectacle to one's neighbors4 ,general ,table ,etiquette4 ,in seating one's self at table1 assume a comfortable position1 neither so close as to be awkward1 nor so far away as to endanger the clothing by dropping food in its passage from table to lips4 ,sit upright1 and do not bend over to take each mouthful of food4 ,if a gentleman is accompanied by a lady1 he should draw her chair out from the table1 and1 when she is seated1 assist her in putting it back in position1 unless in some public dining place1 where this office will be assumed by a waiter4 ,on being seated1 remove the roll1 or piece of bread1 from the napkin 7the best form for this bread is in blocks four inches thick and about three inches long71 unfold the napkin1 lay it upon the knee1 and quietly wait your turn to be served4 ,never handle1 or play with1 any articles on the table2 it bespeaks ill-breeding4 ,never drum on the table with the fingers4 ,as soon as a bowl of soup1 or a plate of oysters is offered you1 begin1 without any appearance of haste1 to eat4 ,this facilitates serving1 as1 by the time the last are served1 the first will have finished their half-ladleful of soup 7which is all that society allows7 and the waiter may begin to remove the first course4 ,the old custom of waiting until everyone was served before beginning is no long countenanced1 since soup is nothing1 if not hot1 and by waiting it is decidedly cooled4 ,never1 unless requested so to do1 pass a plate on to a neighbor that has been handed to you4 ,it is supposed that the carver knows what he intends for each guest4 ,when dishes are passed1 help yourself as quickly as possible1 and never insist upon some one having it first4 ,if a gentleman1 you may help the lady next you from its contents1 if she so desire4 ,always take the food offered in a course4 ,quietly wait and talk while others eat1 rather than call the attention of the table to your likes and dislikes1 and disarrange the whole order of serving4 ,if a gentleman1 see that the lady you have brought down wants for nothing1 and let the lady1 on her side1 take care not to entirely monopolize the attention of her escort4 ,how to ,treat ,waiters4 ,if1 for any cause1 the services of a waiter are desired1 catch his eye quietly1 and on his approach1 state your own or the lady's wishes1 in a low tone of voice4 ,this same rule of conduct will apply to public places1 where the knocking of spoons against cups1 and other noisy attempts to gain the attention of a waiter cannot be too greatly discouraged4 ,never thank a servant for passing any of the dishes or wines2 that is his business2 but for any personal service1 such as picking up a fallen napkin1 or replacing a dropped knife by another1 it is proper to return a murmured ,thank you1 not ,thanks4 ,a lady should never look up in a waiter's face while giving an order1 refusing wine1 or thanking him for any special service4 ,this savors of familiarity1 and should be avoided4 ,a man1 however1 that is attentive will see that a lady has none of these things to do4 ,at table one may talk to one's neighbor on either side1 or to those directly opposite1 if the center decorations are not too high2 but it is absolutely ill-bred to lean across an individual to converse with some one on the other side4 ,of course1 at a small dinner1 or at the family table1 conversation is expected to be general4 ,never attempt to converse while the mouth is filled with food1 and never have the mouth filled with food2 it is bad both for manners and digestion4 ,decline any dish passed that you do not wish with ,thank you1 not any2 if by a waiter1 ,not any1 is sufficient4 ,do not enter into any explanations as to your tastes1 nor the whys and wherefores of your refusal4 ,that interests no one but yourself4 ,if wine is served1 do not call the attention of everyone to the fact that you do not drink it4 ,the table of a friend1 to which you have had the honor of an invitation1 is no place for a temperance lecture4 ,do not reverse the glass2 it is a needlessly conspicuous act2 simply motion the waiter away with your finger on the edge of the glass1 or shake your head4 ,some1 still more careful1 allow a glass to be filled for them at first1 and1 by letting it stand untasted1 show to the waiter that further offers are useless4 ,if a lady does not wish more wine than remains in her glass1 let her make a little motion of dissent when the waiter is about to replenish it1 otherwise a good glass of wine is wasted4 ,in drinking wine1 lift the glass by the stem1 instead of by the bowl4 ,young ladies1 if they drink wine1 had best content themselves with one glassful4 ,rosebuds should not indulge4 ,the latest dictum declares that sparkling wines should be drunk at once and not sipped4 ,sundry ,rules and ,hints4 ,never display any hesitation in selecting food4 ,if your host asks what part of a fowl you prefer1 at once give your choice4 ,to say you have none is an annoyance4 ,never tip the plate in order to dip up the last spoonful of soup4 ,in partaking of soup1 or imbibing any liquid1 do so noiselessly4 ,be sure not to spread the elbows while using knife and fork4 ,keep them close to your side while cutting meats4 ,never try to dispose of the last mouthful of soup1 the last morsel of food4 ,it is not expected1 says one writer1 that your plate should be sent away cleansed by your gastronomic exertions4 ,on no account cool any drink or soup with the breath4 ,never pour tea or coffee into the saucer to cool it4 ,never drink from the saucer2 it is an unpardonable sin4 ,with salads small knifes and forks are often furnished1 where the salad is served uncut with dressing4 ,again1 the uncut leaves are taken in the fingers and dipped in the salt or dressing4 ,the roll is to be eaten with the salad4 ,individual salts are an ,american fashion4 ,if used1 it is proper to take salt from them with the knife1 if they are the open salts4 ,in the most stylish circles great favor is shown to ample silver salires with their accompanying salt spoons or shovels4 ,salt1 thus taken1 should be deposited upon the left hand rim of the plate4 ,the custom followed by so many of depositing little piles of salt on the tablecloth is very annoying to the hostess1 as giving her table a shabby look during the removal of courses4 ,salt is the only condiment placed upon the table at a dinner2 the others are passed with the course demanding their use4 ,neither is butter put upon the table at an elaborate dinner3 the small square of bread or the roll furnished1 are to be eaten without4 ,use of ,knife and ,fork4 ,peppers and salts are to be shaken with one hand4 ,never use the other to in any wise expedite the distribution of their contents4 ,never cut up all the meat on your plate at once1 in morsels fit for eating2 to do so savors of the nursery4 ,but1 on the other hand1 do not seem to be perpetually using your knife and fork at table4 ,be sure not to insert fork or spoon too far into the mouth4 ,never turn the spoon over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its contents4 ,do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this most disagreeable of habits4 ,take small mouthfuls and there will be less danger of this occurring4 ,handle knife and fork carefully1 so as not to cause any unnecessary clatter at table4 ,waiters pass all food to the left1 and all dishes are removed at the left4 ,wine is passed at the right4 ,all dishes that are being passed must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves without difficulty4 ,when there is a waiter to remove the dishes from the table1 the guests should never assist in the work by piling small dishes1 etc41 upon their plate4 ,simply place knife and fork upon the plate4 ,in passing the plate for a second helping1 remove knife and fork and hold easily by the handles4 ,never ask for a second helping of soup1 or of anything at a course dinner4 ,at an informal repast1 where there is but one principal dish1 it is proper to pass the plate for more4 ,a second helping of fish chowder is allowable1 but not of soup4 ,food should be masticated quietly1 and with the lips closed4 ,drink all liquids without the slightest sound4 ,never butter bread that is to be eaten with soup4 ,to do this is only less vulgar than to thicken the soup with the crumbs of bread4 ,simply eat the bit of bread with the soup4 ,take the soup that is brought you1 even if you do not care for it1 so as not to interrupt the order of the dinner by a refusal4 ,disgusting ,habits4 ,lift cups by the handles1 and wineglasses by the stem1 and do not tip them up1 until almost reversed upon the face1 in order to drain the last drop4 ,it is not necessary1 and really bad form to completely empty a wineglass4 ,never pick the teeth at the table4 ,such habits are well calculated to disgust sensitive people1 and should be performed in private as much as any other portion of our daily toilet4 ,never rinse the mouth with the last mouthful of coffee1 tea or water2 nothing can be more disagreeable4 ,bread should be broken by the fingers in pieces sufficient for mouthfuls1 as it is needed4 ,never butter a slice and cut with a knife2 butter each piece as needed4 ,butter should never be eaten in large quantities4 ,cake is broken in bits and eaten from the fingers4 ,very rich1 crumbly1 or filled cake may be eaten with a fork2 tarts also1 unless they are of a nature to permit the use of the fingers1 and pastry of all kinds1 as well as puddings not too liquid in form4 ,muffins can be eaten from the plate with a fork1 or they can be torn apart1 buttered1 and eaten while held in the fingers1 like toasted bread4 ,hot gems can be torn apart and partaken of in the same way4 ,never take one piece of bread or cake and then reject it for another4 ,if any little accident should occur at table1 do not apologize for it2 let it pass without note1 and it will be apt to escape observation4 ,if there should be anything accidentally spilled upon the cloth1 the waiter should quickly remove the traces1 and spread a fresh napkin over the soiled spot4 ,fruits4 ,apples are pared with a silver knife at table1 and eaten in small sections from the fingers4 ,there is often much time devoted to paring fruit by holding it on a fork1 not touching it with the fingers4 ,this is unnecessary1 unless when a gentleman is preparing the fruit for a lady1 or where the peach or pear is too juicy to do otherwise4 ,grapes are plucked from their stems and the pulp squeezed into the mouth1 while the fingers hold the skin which is then laid on one side the plate4 ,this is far daintier than to put the fruit in the mouth and then eject the skin into the hand or upon the plate4 ,bananas are peeled and eaten from the plate with a fork4 ,oranges are skinned1 divided into sections1 and eaten from the fingers1 rejecting the seeds into the hand4 ,some prefer1 however1 to cut the end of the orange and eat the pulp with a spoon4 ,pineapple is the only fruit that must be eaten with a knife and fork4 ,silver knives and forks must always be used with fruits1 as steel becomes colored by contact with the fruit juices and imparts a disagreeable flavor4 ,green corn1 in ear1 is a stumbling-block1 and perhaps one's best plan would be to conform to the custom of the table where you may be4 ,in eating it directly from the ear hold it in one hand only4 ,some hostesses provide small doilies with which to hold the ear4 ,if a guest is pleased with any particular dish on the table1 a delicate compliment upon its unusual excellence is always pleasing to the hostess4 ,,evening ,,parties1 ,,receptions ,,and ,,suppers4 ,illustration ,the evening party may be as elaborate or as simple an affair as the hostess may desire4 ,in its elaborate form it only differs from the ball in the one respect that dancing may1 or may not1 be introduced as a feature of the entertainment1 while a ball is given for the express purpose of dancing1 and is always so understood4 ,invitations4 ,invitations for an elaborate evening party are sent out ten days or two weeks in advance and are issued in the name of the hostess alone4 ,husband and wife may be invited together1 addressing the envelope to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,doe2 and daughters1 if there are several1 may be included in one invitation as ,the ,misses ,doe4 ,sons1 if there be more than one1 receive separate invitations1 though they can be included in one as ,messrs4 ,doe4 ,but friends1 even though sheltered by the same roof-tree1 must receive separate invitations4 ,to invite ,the ,misses ,doe and ,roe1 or ,messrs4 ,brown and ,green1 or even ,mrs4 ,doe and ,family1 would be in bad form4 ,to invite the husband to any entertainment where there are ladies without including the wife would be a direct insult4 ,invitations may be sent by post or carried by messengers4 7,for forms see ,department of ,invitations1 ,formal and ,informal47 ,society is so complex1 and there is so much ground to cover in picking up its relations that many ladies are tempted to pay off all social debts at once by giving one great crush of an entertainment and inviting all those to whom they are socially indebted4 ,to all these one is tempted to say1 ,don't4 ,the labor is less and the pleasure greater where two or more smaller entertainments are given at different times4 ,a hostess is at liberty to invite only those to whom she is socially indebted1 and members of a large social circle from whom she has not received recent hospitalities must not feel hurt at being left out4 ,where the family is large she may invite some members and not others1 but should she courteously invite the entire group1 it is a rule of society that never more than three members of the same family should accept an invitation to the same entertainment4 ,either accept or decline such invitations at once4 7,for proper forms see department of ,acceptances and ,regrets47 ,receiving4 ,at a large evening party the arrangements for receiving guests1 the dressing rooms1 etc41 and duties of the hostess in receiving1 are the same as at a ball1 and the supper served in the same fashion4 ,ladies invited to help receive are not simply asked as a compliment to their friendship4 ,it is not their sole duty to stand beside the hostess for the hour of coming and smile and shake hands with each guest and then see no more of them that evening4 ,when a lady issues invitations for a large evening gathering she usually decides to ask some intimate friends to receive with her4 ,if she expressed what she really meant1 and what she supposes her friends understand1 she will say3 ,will you come and help me in the actual entertaining of the guests1 for ,i shall have only time to stand at the door and say1 ',how do you do2' ',good-by4' ,but no1 she phrases it conventionally3 ,will you come and receive with me8 ,and so they come in a flock and do nothing but receive4 ,should ,make ,every ,one ,happy4 ,a woman who is invited to receive should arrive at the hour of the invitation1 not one minute before1 unless for some especial reason she is requested to do so by her hostess4 ,she should remove her wraps and quietly join her hostess in the rooms below1 where1 probably1 she will have a cup of hot bouillon brought to her at once and maybe a glass of wine4 ,for a half hour or so she should stand with the hostess and only take upon herself the task of greeting1 but1 as the rooms begin to fill1 she should leave her place and go slowly about the rooms1 not talking and visiting with friends1 and having a good time herself1 but passing by the groups of gay and lively ones1 who know every one and seek out the solitary and alone4 ,to these is her especial mission1 to make them known to some of her own intimates1 whose friendship is so certain and so warm that it will stand this demand of introducing a stranger4 ,an acquaintance is not necessary for this giving of attention4 ,a member of the receiving party may speak to any one in the room without even the form of introducing herself1 although1 if she sees after a few words that she is unknown she will bring her own name casually into the conversation1 making no effort to do so4 ,any guest will feel flattered on being addressed by the ladies receiving4 ,making ,things ,easy for the ,hostess4 ,another duty she owes is keeping her eyes on the hostess and seeing that she is never left alone for one single moment in her position by the door4 ,one of the receiving party ought to be beside her constantly ready to execute any wish she may express1 as1 for instance1 if she say3 ,i see ,mrs4 ,k4 coming down the stairs2 she is a perfect stranger2 see that she meets a few--,mrs4 ,blank1 especially4 ,she will greet ,mrs4 ,k41 chat a second1 and quietly draw her to one side continuing the conversation all the time4 ,then seeing somebody near she will say3 ,i want you to know ,mrs4 ,so-and-,so2 come over here and let me introduce you4 ,then she may leave ,mrs4 ,k4 and look after some other awkward one near1 and1 after a few minutes1 taking some one else up to where ,mrs4 ,k4 and ,mrs4 ,so-and-,so still stand1 make them known4 ,if ,mrs4 ,so-and-,so has a kind heart1 by this time she will have made ,mrs4 ,k4 acquainted with some one else4 ,the lady receiving should keep an eye on ,mrs4 ,k41 particularly if she seems to be afraid to move from one spot1 as strangers sometimes are4 ,meantime1 another member of the receiving party notices that the hostess is alone1 and she leaves her acts of mercy and returns to her post1 ready to assist in any way4 ,to have such a little group of friends transform themselves into willing slaves for the moment makes the art of entertaining no trouble or fatigue at all4 ,think of the utter loneliness to the stranger of entering the drawing-room to be greeted by the hostess and handed down a long line of the receiving party and then left to that bath of loneliness amidst the multitude1 which has its terrors for us all4 ,it is over such strays as this that the receiving party is supposed to have most careful oversight1 since to the hostess comes small leisure for this duty4 ,entertainment4 ,before supper1 cards1 conversation1 music are made use of to entertain the guests4 ,when dancing is a feature1 it does not begin until after supper1 and while this amusement is in progress opportunity for conversation1 games1 etc41 should be provided in other rooms for those who do not dance4 ,rules for going out to supper at a large party are the same as those at a ball4 ,duties of the ,guests4 ,if music is one of the features1 try and suit its character to the company4 ,do not play classical music where it cannot possibly be appreciated1 and1 above all1 attempt nothing that cannot be executed perfectly4 ,in singing1 let gentlemen remember that if it is an amusing song they are to render1 it must be perfectly unexceptional in character4 ,ladies should bear in mind in singing that it is much better taste in large assemblies to avoid the purely sentimental order of songs1 which1 with the large number of beautiful compositions at our disposal1 is easily done4 ,illustration3 ,,entertaining ,,the ,,guests ,,with ,a ,,song4 ,observe scrupulous silence while others are playing and singing4 ,if you possess any musical accomplishments1 and are asked to contribute your share toward the entertainment of others1 do so without waiting to be urged2 or1 if you decline1 decline absolutely4 ,urging should not be resorted to by the hostess1 which custom would soon cure a certain class of performers from the disagreeable habit of holding back for repeated solicitations4 ,if you consent to play or sing1 do not weary your audience4 ,two or three stanzas of a song1 or four or five pages from a long instrumental piece are sufficient4 ,if more is greatly desired it will always be called for4 ,remember1 it is only the lady of the house who has the right to ask you to play or sing1 and to all other requests give a smiling refusal4 ,beware of too ,much ,reserve4 ,remember also1 that1 for the time being1 owing to your mutual acquaintance with the host and hostess1 you stand on a perfect equality with all the guests present and should1 therefore1 without further preliminaries1 converse freely with any4 ,never commit the blunder of stealing away to a side table1 and there affecting to be absorbed in some volume of engravings1 or finding some unlucky acquaintance in the room1 fasten upon him or her for the entire evening4 ,these are social crimes that no shyness can or should excuse4 ,where the party is a small social gathering and various parlor games are resorted to for amusement1 one should always join in when asked1 even while not caring so to do4 ,exercise skill1 appear pleased1 and while1 perhaps1 not enjoying the evening greatly one's self1 there will be at least the consciousness of having contributed to the happiness of others4 ,in reality1 there is no better field for employing the ,golden ,rule than in the whirl of social life--no wider field for unselfishness4 ,a superficial knowledge of the etiquette and rules that govern the various social games of cards will be found a great advantage in society1 since1 if one does not dance or play cards1 he will be forced to content himself with other wall-flowers like himself4 ,a gentleman should never let even urgent solicitation induce him to play for stakes at a party4 ,there is a code of right and wrong beside which the code of society has no weight4 ,hours of ,arrival and ,departure4 ,an evening party usually begins about nine ,p4,m4 ,it is supposed to end about midnight unless the devotees prefer to remain later4 ,some1 who do not care for this amusement retire immediately after supper4 ,when to leave at a ball is a very elastic rule which varies to suit the circumstances of the case4 ,to leave as soon after supper as may be or to stay until the ball is actually over1 are equally correct courses to follow4 ,half past one is a very good time to depart4 ,here in this busy country where the gallants of the evening will be the business men of the morrow1 earlier hours are usual than among the leisure classes of the ,old ,world4 ,in retiring from a large party it is sufficient to bow politely when expressing the pleasure you have received4 ,and if the hostess or host offer the hand1 shake it cordially1 but not too roughly4 ,an after call is required the same as after a ball or dinner party4 ,,receptions4 ,for informal receptions1 invitations are most frequently written on the left hand corner of the hostess's visiting card3 ,,mrs4 ,,charles ,,grey1 ,thursday1 from five to eight o'clock4 ,at an evening reception1 the lady should be dressed in handsome home toilet1 and receive standing4 ,if several ladies receive together1 their cards should be enclosed with the invitation4 ,the simplicity of the occasion leaves the hostess the more time to devote to the enjoyment of her guests4 ,music1 both vocal and instrumental1 is a great addition to an evening reception4 ,refreshments are generally served informally4 ,the table should be set tastily in the dining-room1 and supplied with coffee or chocolate at one end and a tea service at the other4 ,besides these1 daintily prepared sandwiches1 buns1 cakes1 ices and fruits are served4 ,if the reception is very select1 and the number of guests small1 a servant presents a tray with tea1 sugar and cream1 while another follows with the simple refreshments that should accompany it4 ,a wedding reception1 or a very elaborate evening reception1 of course admits of much more ceremony1 as well as more substantial refreshments1 than small entertainments4 ,ladies attend evening receptions in demi-toilette1 with or without bonnets1 and gentlemen in full morning dress4 ,illustration3 ,,reception ,,to ,a ,,distinguished ,,guest4 ,invitations to evening receptions1 lawn or musical parties are informal1 but require an answer1 as it is agreeable to every hostess to know the number of her expected guests4 ,illustration3 ,to meet their ,royal ,highnesses1 ,the ,infantes ,eulalia ,and ,antoine of ,spain4 ,the ,spanish ,consul ,and ,mrs4 ,chatfield-,taylor4 ,at ,home1 ,monday1 ,june twelfth1 at nine o'clock4 #ba ,pearson ,street4 ,if the reception is given in honor of some individual or celebrity the name of the honored guest should appear at the top of the invitation1 as above fac-simile of cards issued by the ,spanish ,consul in honor of the ,infanta of ,spain during the ,columbian ,exposition4 ,evening ,receptions4 ,evening receptions being simpler in detail and less expensive than parties1 are becoming more fashionable every year1 especially among people of literary and artistic tastes4 ,guests calling1 meet a select circle1 among whom are usually poets1 artists1 and persons of elegant leisure1 formality is readily broken1 and the occasion is always one of pleasure4 ,the hour for leaving a reception is varied 7anywhere from eleven ,p4,m4 to one ,a4,m4 being usual74 ,early hours are usual among those who have other engagements and who go on to other parties1 remaining about half an hour at each one3 thus1 at crowded receptions the departures commence before the arrivals have ceased to be announced4 ,morning ,receptions or ,matines4 ,of all the entertainments given during the daytime1 luncheons1 breakfasts1 afternoon teas1 kettledrums1 etc41 the morning reception1 so-called1 although it is given in the afternoon1 is perhaps the most formal4 ,some hostesses adopt the ,french fashion of calling it a matine1 meaning any social gathering that is held before dinner1 as any party is called in ,france a soire4 ,there are many advantages in a morning party4 ,it affords ladies who do not attend evening receptions the pleasure of meeting on a semi-formal occasion1 and is also a well chosen occasion for introducing a new pianist or singer4 ,for a busy woman of fashion a matine1 beginning at two and ending at four or half-past1 which are the usual hours for these entertainments1 is a most convenient time4 ,it does not interfere with a five o'clock tea1 or a drive1 nor unfit her for a dinner party or evening entertainment4 ,convenient1 however1 as this hour is for ladies1 it is quite the reverse for gentlemen1 since the majority of them in ,america do not belong to the leisure class4 ,hence to avoid this inequality of the sexes1 ladies often give these matines on some of our national holidays4 ,when1 as often happens1 some great celebrity is to be presented to a large circle of friends1 there is no more satisfactory form of entertainment to be afforded him than a morning reception4 ,to this we may draw to meet him many men who could not be brought together at a late-hour1 full-dress1 evening entertainment4 ,authors1 artists1 clergymen1 lawyers1 statesmen1 editors1 doctors and capitalists1 as well as cultivated society women1 financiers and philosophers1 can all be brought together in easy and friendly social intercourse4 ,but1 if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction1 we must not expect to be amused only1 we must be amusing1 we must offer some tempting equivalent2 something that has the ring of pure gold1 rather than the glamour of fashionable dress1 dancing or music4 ,so1 with an ,archbishop to entertain1 we may hope to attract the distinguished clergy of the city2 with a great author1 other celebrities of the pen and pencil who will gladly come to greet him2 and once drawn to a successful and brilliant assembly1 they will be easily induced to return4 ,therefore1 any lady who would make her home attractive to the best society must offer some higher stimulant than the glitter of fashion4 ,for good society we need men and women who can talk4 ,we need relaxation1 and it is best sought in intercourse of abiding value with those whose lives differ from those of our own4 ,correct ,dress4 ,the invitations are written in the same form as those given for an evening entertainment1 and although given by daylight1 the rooms are frequently darkened and artificial illumination gives to the whole a festive air4 ,the hostess may be dressed in demi-toilet1 somewhat low at the throat if wished1 and of the richest materials1 but not in full evening dress1 laces or conspicuous jewels4 ,she may have friends to receive with her who will dress in the same demi-toilets4 ,the guests wear reception dresses or handsome street dresses4 ,wraps are laid aside1 but hats and gloves are kept on4 ,gentlemen wear full morning dress on all these occasions4 ,overcoats and umbrellas are left in the hall or dressing-room1 but hats1 if the stay is to be short1 may be carried into the drawing-room4 ,visitors do not usually remain more than half an hour1 though1 if the occasion is especially interesting1 an hour or more is often spent4 ,conversation is indulged in1 and guests listen to music1 or whatever is provided for their entertainment4 ,at an ordinary morning reception the refreshments are light1 and served the same as at an evening reception4 ,if1 however1 the occasion is unusually important1 the collation is more abundant1 and the service more formal4 ,visitors leave cards to serve instead of the after call4 ,those who were invited but unable to attend1 call within a few days4 7,for general forms of invitations see ,department of ,invitations47 ,introductions are not expected to be general1 except where the reception is given in honor of some one person1 when1 of course1 all comers are presented to this guest4 ,morning parties given in small country towns are attended with less formality than in large cities1 and introductions are general4 ,,supper ,,parties4 ,some lover of this social repast says1 ,suppers have always been invested with a peculiar charm4 ,they are the most conversational1 the most intimate and the most poetical of all entertainments4 ,they are the favorite repast of men of letters1 the inspiration of poets1 and a form of hospitability eminent in history4 ,who has not heard of the petite soupers of the ,regency and the brilliant minds there assembled8 ,suppers are the popular entertainment of gentlemen1 and usually take some distinctive name1 such as fish suppers1 game suppers1 wine suppers1 and each has suitable supplies for the table4 ,invitations to suppers may be given in person1 by a friendly note1 or writing on the card of the host or hostess3 ,supper at #aj o'clock1 ,thursday1 ,december #ahth4 ,the very late city dinners have prevented supper parties from keeping their popularity1 but there is no reason why in towns these should not be favorite entertainments4 ,the same service is proper at a supper as at a dinner1 with the exception of soup plates4 ,oysters on the half-shell and bouillon served in cups are the first two courses4 ,then follows the usual order of dishes1 such as sweetbreads and green peas1 whatever game may be in season1 salads of all kinds1 then ices1 fruits and coffee4 ,it is not quite so heavy a repast as the elaborate dinner party4 ,games and salads are served together4 ,if wine is used it is found on the table in handsome decanters4 ,three sorts may be served1 such as ,sherry or ,madeira and ,burgundy4 ,bread and napkin are beside each plate1 or else the bread is passed after the guests are seated4 ,next1 plain plates and cups of bouillon are served1 with gold teaspoons4 ,then follow the other courses4 ,the dishes are removed after each course as at a formal dinner4 ,at the close of the supper a tiny glass of cordial is served to the gentlemen4 ,wines may be entirely omitted if against the principles1 and mineral waters may be substituted4 ,the table may be decorated as for a dinner party4 ,there is perhaps no entertainment where so much brilliant conversation and repartee is indulged in as at the sit-down supper4 ,residents of large cities1 possessing abundant means1 can avoid trouble by ordering supplies from the professional caterer1 but in the country home1 where economy is an object1 it devolves on the housekeeper to prepare the appetizing dainties for her entertainments4 ,for the benefit of such1 we give a few items that may be useful in arranging the menu4 ,any reliable work on cookery will give the directions for their preparation3 ,boned turkey1 boned ham1 deviled ham sandwiches1 salmon salad1 chicken salad1 potted fish1 fish salad1 etc41 etc4 ,a ,simple ,supper4 ,there is a much simpler supper possible to be offered by a hostess after the opera or theatre which may be made very charming and inexpensive4 ,this is a desirable little spread1 since there are few people who can undergo the excitement of an evening at the opera1 play1 concert1 or card party1 without a feeling of hunger2 and with many1 unless this hunger is appeased a sleepless night will be the result2 and as the excitement is usually so good an aid to digestion1 no evil consequences may be feared4 ,this little supper is well set out with a few oysters1 a pair of cold roast chickens1 a boned turkey1 or boned ham1 and a dish of some kind of salad1 and perhaps one sort of ice cream or ice and coffee4 ,oysters are invaluable for a supper4 ,scalloped or broiled1 they can be used in place of chicken or turkey4 ,a ,game ,supper4 ,a game supper consists of wild fowls and fish1 with jellies1 ices and bon-bons1 while a wine supper admits of almost every variety of luscious dishes1 differing very little from dinner1 except that the delicacies are all cold1 and of course no vegetables are served4 ,fillets of game1 boned turkey1 cold ham1 fish1 salads1 ices1 jellies and creams1 are suitable to this style of entertainment4 ,a ,fish ,supper4 ,when a fish supper is given1 dishes are generally composed of the products of the sea or river4 ,this is a fashionable mode of entertainment for the season of ,lent4 ,salads1 olives1 pickles and sauces are served as relishes4 ,sweet desserts never accompany a fish supper1 but fruits are an appropriate addition4 ,coffee must be given with all suppers4 ,illustration ,,balls1 ,,dancing ,,and ,,masquerades ,illustration ,balls1 to distinguish them from other evening gatherings where dancing is one of the features of the evening1 may be designated as parties given for the express purpose of dancing4 ,balls should begin at about nine o'clock in the evening1 and terminate at two or three in the morning4 ,a private ball may be a very elaborate affair1 from fifty to seventy-five guests being necessary to make the occasion enjoyable4 ,where the size of the ball-room will permit1 many more are frequently bidden4 ,over-crowding should be guarded against1 as ruinous to the toilets of the ladies1 and the pleasure of all concerned4 ,the invitations to very elaborate affairs are sometimes sent out from three weeks to one month in advance4 ,it is always proper for an invited guest to solicit an invitation for a young lady visitor1 or some stranger of distinction1 or for a young gentleman known to be a dancing man1 and it is always permissible for the hostess1 if she wish1 to refuse such solicitations on the ground that her list is full1 and no one should feel offended at such refusal4 ,should the request1 however1 be for the admission of an eligible1 dancing man1 it is rarely refused4 ,never more than three from one family 7the mother or chaperon excepted7 should accept an invitation to a ball1 or party1 unless in the case of a ball1 where two brothers1 if they dance1 may be accompanied by two sisters from the same family4 ,those who do not dance should refuse invitations to balls 7chaperons excepted74 ,the most brilliant man who does not dance is usually out of place in an entertainment given for that sole purpose4 ,the ball-room should be large2 the floor well waxed1 or covered with drugget1 and an abundance of palms and potted plants set about to make cosy nooks just lighted by a shaded lamp4 ,cut flowers may be massed upon the mantels with gorgeous effect4 ,if the stairway be of sufficient breadth1 it should be bravely furnished forth with plants in bloom4 ,if it should be a first-floor room and open into the cool dusk of a faintly lighted conservatory1 then it is everything to be desired for the occasion4 ,good ventilation is an absolute necessity4 ,invite at least one quarter more guests than can be comfortably accommodated1 since about that number will fail1 from different causes1 to accept4 ,if it is impossible to entertain with comfort all those to whom one is socially indebted1 then it is better to divide the entertainment into two or three smaller gatherings1 always leaving space for as many mothers of daughters1 or other appointed chaperons1 as may choose to attend and who should always be included in the invitations4 ,sitting accommodations should be furnished for them1 as well as for those who may not be dancing4 ,all other furniture should be removed from the rooms4 ,full-dress toilets are demanded for the occasion2 flowers1 jewels1 ,the gloss of satin and the glimmer of pearls1 should mingle in this festivity1 the gayest of our social gatherings4 ,the ball-room should be brilliantly1 and at the same time1 softly illuminated1 the lights coming chiefly from the sides4 ,general ,arrangements4 ,in a large city it is necessary to provide an awning to extend from the carriage to the front entrance1 thus screening guests from the crowd that usually gathers on such an occasion4 ,a carpet should also cover the steps and walk to protect the ladies' gowns4 ,a manservant in evening dress and white lisle gloves should be at the curbstone to assist ladies1 who may have come unattended1 in alighting1 7providing they have no footman74 ,he also provides each party with the number of their carriage1 giving the same to the driver1 in order that he may be ready when called4 ,this same attendant also calls for the carriages upon the departure of the guests4 ,another manservant1 or a white-capped maid1 waits at the door1 which is opened without the bell being touched4 ,this functionary receives the cards of the guests1 and directs them to their respective dressing-rooms4 ,these should be large and convenient as possible4 ,assistants should be provided with thread1 needles and pins to rectify any accidents that may occur to the ladies' toilets1 and to render every possible aid to them in making ready for the drawing-rooms4 ,duplicate tickets should also be in readiness2 one to attach to each wrap and one to hand its owner4 ,these precautions lessen the confusion and add to the comfort of all concerned4 ,combs1 brushes1 and hairpins should be in abundance1 while a powder-box and puff is not amiss4 ,cologne1 camphor and ammonia should also be in the rooms for use in cases of sudden faintness4 ,a couch in the room is also useful1 and low chairs or ottomans1 in case any of the ladies should wish to change their shoes4 ,the gentlemens' dressing-room should also be presided over by an attendant supplied with the same duplicate system of tickets and ready to render any called-for assistance4 ,programs with the order of the dances and blanks for recording engagements for each1 should be distributed to the guests as they enter the ball-room4 ,to each card should be attached a small pencil4 ,concerning the ,music4 ,good music is a prime necessity4 ,an orchestra1 even if it must be a small one1 is needful for a ball4 ,four pieces are enough3 violin1 piano1 violincello1 or harp1 and cornet4 ,if more are desired1 leave the choice to the leader1 with whom the selections will have been carefully talked over beforehand1 and who must be furnished with a copy of the dancing program4 ,the musicians should be concealed back of a group of flowering shrubs at the end of the hallway1 or some other convenient nook or corner4 ,if there should be a balcony1 a shady bower can be constructed for them there1 and by taking out the window frame they will be heard to perfection4 ,never1 even at a small and early1 depend1 for the pianist1 upon volunteer service from among the guests4 ,in the first place1 it is a tiresome and unwillingly performed service1 and in the second1 there are few amateurs who play dance-music with sufficient correctness to render dancing after their music a pleasure4 ,refreshments4 ,at a ball elaborate refreshments are to be expected1 and are usually served all the evening from a long table loaded with silver and glass and softly but brilliantly illuminated4 ,no one is expected to sit down at such a supper1 but the guests as they come in1 a few at a time1 are served by waiters in attendance4 ,both hot and cold dishes are to be had2 and substantial food1 as well as all manner of sweets1 should be furnished for an amusement that begets a most unromantic hunger4 ,small game birds may be served cold2 the larger fowl hot4 ,boned turkey 7cold7 is especially liked4 ,game pats1 oysters1 cooked or raw1 all manner of truffled dishes1 and a variety of salads are served1 while fruits1 ices1 confections1 cakes1 and so on1 ad infinitum1 do fitly furnish forth the feast4 ,if the ,german is to finish the evening1 a separate1 hot supper should be served at its close1 and the all-night supper confined more exclusively to cold dishes1 with the exception of hot drinks4 ,in case of a very spacious mansion1 the hostess may1 if she prefer1 keep the supper-room closed until half-past twelve1 or one1 when she will give the word4 ,her husband should lead the way to supper with some lady to be especially honored4 ,the hostess should not go out herself until she sees that every lady has been properly escorted1 save in cases where she is to accompany some very distinguished gentleman who is present4 ,in this case she delegates her authority either to a grown son1 some other relative1 or to some gentleman especially appointed1 who takes her place in seeing that there are no forgotten wall-flowers left to blush unseen4 ,no gentleman should presume to offer the hostess his escort to the supper-room1 this being an honor she confers at pleasure4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,coquette4 ,a small tea-room on an upper floor is very desirable at a large gathering4 ,here guests1 ladies especially1 can1 unattended1 seek the refreshment of a cup of tea1 coffee1 cocoa1 or bouillon before descending to the drawing-rooms4 ,gentlemen1 too1 may escort their wearied partners to this haven for a moment's light refection and rest after dancing4 ,iced lemonade should also be served here1 and the room never left without an attendant4 ,many who do not care for a heavy supper1 are wont to resort to this room1 where tiny sandwiches1 maccaroons1 etc41 should also be in readiness4 ,a smoking-room is frequently provided at large entertainments where the gentlemen may retire4 ,cigars1 effervescent waters1 and lemonade are furnished here1 and sometimes stronger drinks4 ,this last1 however1 is a question which every hostess must settle according to her own convictions4 ,if wines are furnished1 champagne and claret punch are the usual choice1 and a trusted attendant should be at hand to serve them4 ,those who patronize this room will1 if they wish to lay any claim to the name of gentlemen1 carefully refrain from the slightest over-indulgence in these cooling1 but deceptive drinks4 ,if there should be no smoking-room set aside1 gentlemen must never smoke in their dressing-room4 ,to do so is especially thoughtless and impolite4 ,host and ,hostess4 ,in giving a ball the hostess1 upon whom the greatest strain will fall1 must be sure of her own physical and mental strength4 ,to stand for two consecutive hours in one spot and receive each comer with the same sweet courtesy is a severe strain upon both4 ,daughters1 young lady relatives or ladies invited to receive1 are usually at hand to support her4 ,the host1 if there be one1 does not stand beside his wife to receive1 but is usually not far away and should assist in making the occasion an agreeable one4 ,sons of the house do not seek their own pleasure at such a time1 but quietly endeavor1 aided by the daughters or receiving ladies1 to provide dancing and supper partners for all present4 ,sometimes two or three young men are appointed beforehand to attend to this duty4 ,the hostess1 while richly dressed1 should never show any desire by the elaborateness of her costume to outshine her guests4 ,should an obtuse cabman1 misled by some similarity of name or error in number 7as may occur in large cities71 permit a perplexed guest1 perhaps a stranger1 to drift across the wrong threshold1 let it be a hospitable one4 ,the hostess1 though she may not be able to unravel the mystery1 should be gracious and attentive4 ,arrival and ,departure4 ,the first move after leaving the dressing-rooms is for ladies to join their escorts and proceed to the drawing-rooms4 ,in going up or down stairs the gentleman always precedes the lady by several steps1 unless they walk side by side4 ,this rule holds good on every occasion4 ,a lady1 if she wishes the gentleman's assistance should take his right arm1 thus leaving her right hand free to carry her train4 ,her bouquet or fan may be carried in the hand upon his arm4 ,gentlemen and ladies never enter the room arm in arm1 no matter what their relationship may be4 ,a lady enters somewhat in advance of a gentleman accompanying her1 but at the side of a maiden whom she chaperons4 ,a mother precedes her daughter4 ,do not offer to shake hands with the hostess as you bow1 unless she makes the initiatory move1 since where the number invited is large the process becomes somewhat wearisome4 ,many hostesses prefer to sweep a graceful courtesy as they receive their guests4 ,do not remain chatting with the receiving party4 ,a bow1 and a simple exchange of kindly inquiries1 is sufficient1 when you should pass on immediately to leave room for others4 ,a gentleman's next duty is to search out his host and exchange the courtesies of the evening with him4 ,any who may arrive late should at once search out both host and hostess to offer a belated greeting4 ,a stranger who has received an invitation through friends1 should be introduced to both host and hostess and to any daughters of the house4 ,if a gentleman1 he should be sure to invite the ladies to dance4 ,at a large ball any formal leave-taking is unnecessary4 ,to ,fold your tents like the ,arabs1 ,and as silently steal away1 is quite the thing4 ,do not make such a stir by your going as to call attention to your departure1 apparently wishing others to take notice of it4 ,the ,escort4 ,the escort of a young lady owes her attention beyond all others he may meet in the ball-room4 ,he should assist her from the carriage1 accompany her to the dressing-room door1 and after due time return to escort her to the reception-room4 ,he must be her partner in the opening dance and should also put his name down for the one immediately preceding supper1 since it is expected that the gentleman dancing with a lady then will take her out to supper1 and there see that all her wants are anticipated4 ,if1 for any reason1 he cannot do this1 he must see that she is suitably attended2 a gentleman taking a lady into the supper-room must also escort her back to the ball-room and leave her wherever she may desire4 ,if there should be any seeming neglect he must see that she is provided with partners for as many dances as she may desire2 never dancing himself unless she1 too1 is on the floor1 or1 if she prefer1 sitting out the dance with some pleasant companion4 ,he may introduce other gentlemen to her1 after asking her permission4 ,it is his privilege to send her a bouquet for the occasion1 and he first asks what the lady's costume is to be1 in order to harmonize the color of the flowers with the shade of the dress1 since it would be most annoying to send blue violets to be worn with a sea-green gown4 ,it is the lady's privilege to suggest the hour of departure4 ,after seeing her safely within her own door he should leave2 even if she asks him to enter he should politely refuse1 remembering1 however1 to call upon her within two days4 ,illustration3 ,,confidences4 ,receiving ,ladies4 ,ladies called upon to assist in receiving are not to consider their duties ended when they have supported the hostess through the trying hours of standing to greet her guests1 but are supposed 7though they too often fail in this7 to mingle with the company1 seeing that strangers and timid or non-attractive girls are not allowed to remain wall-flowers for any length of time4 ,bashful men1 too1 must not be left without partners1 and all should be provided with escorts to supper4 ,these things are a part of the hostess' duty1 but in a large entertainment it is quite beyond her power to attend to all the claims upon her time4 ,the sons of the house1 and sometimes a few other especially deputized young men1 must sacrifice their own preferences in order to give pleasure to others4 ,if the number of ladies exceed that of gentlemen1 these aids frequently take two out to supper4 ,daughters of the house1 together with receiving ladies and the hostess1 do not go out to supper until the last guests are supplied with partners4 ,however1 should the hostess be expected to accompany some distinguished gentleman to the table1 she will delegate her duties to another4 ,general ,rules for ,observance4 ,gentlemen may introduce other men to ladies of their own family or to friends1 first asking their permission or the permission of their chaperons4 ,in case of a chaperon1 the introduction is made first to her and then to the young lady1 and the gentleman at close of the dance returns his partner to her chaperon4 ,where the gentleman is well acquainted with the lady1 a short promenade is often indulged in2 but if the gentleman be a stranger to her1 she should not expect this1 for he may have another engagement1 and will return her immediately to the side of her chaperon or some lady friend she may designate4 ,in ,europe this promenading is not allowed1 the young lady being at once escorted back to her chaperon after dancing4 ,supper being announced1 a gentleman1 having no other engagement1 offers his arm to the lady with whom he may be talking or dancing and escorts her out1 unless some previous partner arrives to claim her before his invitation is given4 ,once given1 a lady is not free 7unusual circumstances excepted7 to decline it1 even though she may have expected another to offer her the same attention4 ,if she be accompanied by a chaperon1 the elder lady is invited at the same time1 and it is to her that his arm is offered1 the younger lady walking by her side4 ,for two ladies to each take an arm is not good form4 ,a gentleman requesting a lady for a certain dance1 should never ask if she is engaged for it4 ,he may request the pleasure or honor of her company for the next dance1 and he will learn from her answer whether she be free1 without compelling her to acknowledge at the last moment that she has been hitherto unsought4 ,formality of ,introductions4 ,the request for a dance should be accompanied by a bow on the part of the gentlemen4 ,at its close he should thank her for the pleasure1 and she should return this courtesy with a smile and bow1 and a murmured ,thank you4 ,an introduction to a lady in the ball-room presupposes that the gentleman will dance with her or walk with her through one dance4 ,in ,england1 where introductions are rarely given to those invited to an entertainment1 a gentleman may ask any lady for a dance4 ,she will probably accept1 but he must not take this as the prelude to an after acquaintance4 ,in ,america1 however1 it is necessary to ask some mutual friend to first request the favor of the lady1 and then1 if granted1 give the introduction4 ,however1 in case of any little accident1 or sudden faintness1 gentlemen should be quick to assist1 bringing an iced drink1 aiding to the dressing-room1 or calling a carriage1 as the case may be1 without the formality of an introduction4 ,a gentleman may also ask an older lady who seems left unattended at supper-time1 if he may bring her some refreshments1 and this without an introduction4 ,it is very bad form for gentlemen to stand about the ball-room1 especially if there be a scarcity of dancing men present4 ,even if there is no one in the room for whom they particularly care1 they should be unselfish enough to remember that dancing is almost the only active form of amusement in which the majority of ladies may participate4 ,a young man should ask the young ladies1 daughters or relatives of the hostess1 for their company in the dance early in the evening4 ,a married gentleman should be general in his attentions in the ball-room4 ,he should not dance more than once or twice with his wife1 nor should he take her out to supper2 but he must keep a quiet outlook over her comfort1 and see that she is no wise lonely or neglected4 ,attentions ,paid to ,ladies4 ,neither should he confine his attentions in a marked manner to any one lady4 ,it is ill-breeding to excite the comment sure to follow such a course4 ,it is also bad form for any gentleman to confine his attentions to any one lady1 or1 as a rule1 to ask her for more than two dances4 ,even engaged couples are not exempt from this law4 ,gentlemen may put down their name on a lady's program for certain dances1 and the engagement should never be forgotten4 ,if1 however1 this lapse should occur1 the humblest apology should follow1 which the young lady1 no matter how annoyed1 should gracefully accept4 ,ill-humor is out of place in the ball-room4 ,if a lady from weariness1 or any other cause1 should wish to stop at any time in the dance1 the gentleman must1 without any comment1 at once lead her to a seat1 and remain with her until the set is finished1 notwithstanding that she may1 from a spirit of kindness1 request him to seek another partner4 ,should she show symptoms of weariness1 and be either too timid or too thoughtful for his enjoyment to ask him to take her from the floor1 he should be quick to see1 and to suggest that she rest for a moment4 ,gloves form an important adjunct to a gentleman's toilet for a dancing party4 ,light colored gloves are always good form4 ,gentlemen are expected to wear gloves while dancing1 since their ungloved hands would not only soil the delicate tints of the lady's gloves1 but the slightest pressure of a warm1 uncovered hand is liable to discolor the frail gauzes1 or pale silks of their ball-room toilet4 ,it is not amiss to be provided with an extra pair of gloves which will be very useful should the first pair come to grief4 ,upon the same principle1 two fresh handkerchiefs should be carried4 ,if dancing is not formally announced in the invitation1 gentlemen will do well to provide themselves with gloves to be donned if that amusement is introduced in the course of the evening4 ,notwithstanding the royal indolence or whim of the ,prince of ,wales led him some time back to discard the use of gloves at evening parties1 an example which many ultra-fashionables have followed1 it still remains that gloves are both proper and necessary4 ,if a gentleman attempts to dance without them he must hold his handkerchief in his hand in such a manner as to prevent its contact with the bodice of the lady's gown4 ,loud talking and boisterous laughter are not to be tolerated4 ,scrupulously avoid stepping upon the train of a lady's gown4 ,apologize if it accidentally occurs1 and if serious damage ensue from the awkwardness1 beg the privilege of taking her to the dressing-room to have the damage repaired4 ,for ,ladies4 ,young ladies must never refuse to dance with one gentleman1 and afterward give the same dance to a more favored suitor4 ,nothing so quickly speaks of ill-breeding as this course4 ,ball-room engagements should not be forgotten4 ,young ladies should never be so unwise as to appear on the floor at every dance4 ,daughters of the hostess should not repeatedly appear upon the floor while other lady guests are neglected4 ,not their own pleasure1 but the pleasure of the company should be their first care4 ,ladies should not cross the ball-room alone4 ,it invites attention4 ,ladies must not burden gentlemen 7unless husband or near relative7 with bouquet or fan to hold while they dance4 ,young ladies should not refuse a ball-room introduction to a gentleman without a sufficient reason1 since to do so is always an embarrassment to the one asking it4 ,still a lady has the privilege of refusal and may not be pressed for a reason4 ,young chaperons should never dance while their protgs are unprovided with partners4 ,illustration3 ,,scene ,,at ,a ,,railway ,,station ,,in ,,paris4 ,a lady removes at least one glove while partaking of supper4 ,but when a cup of tea1 or an ice1 only is taken this is not necessary4 ,,dancing4 ,pope says3 ,they move easiest who have learned to dance1 and while the opinions of society are greatly divided on the subject of this amusement1 it cannot be denied that there is much truth in the assurance that ,locke gives us in his treatise on ,education3 ,since nothing appears to me to give children so much becoming confidence and behavior as dancing1 ,i think they should be taught to dance as soon as they are capable of learning it4 ,for though this consists only in outward gracefulness of motion1 444 yet it gives children manly thoughts and courage more than anything4 ,for the many1 however1 to whom these early advantages have not been given1 while the dowry of a quick ear and natural grace has enabled them to pick up this social accomplishment1 a few hints may be of use4 ,dancing is really an art1 and one that the gentleman especially should understand 7since he takes the lead7 before he ventures to ask a lady out upon the floor4 ,the gentleman should be very careful in the manner of holding his partner4 ,he should give her proper support by putting his arm firmly around her1 but not drawing her too close4 ,her right hand should be held in his left1 the lady turning the right palm downward and almost straightening her right arm4 ,the gentleman should bend his left arm slightly backward4 ,the joined hands should be held steadily but kept away from the gentleman's body4 ,to rest them upon his hip1 is actual vulgarity4 ,the gentleman's right shoulder and the lady's left1 should be kept as far apart as the other shoulders1 hence his right elbow must not be too much bent4 ,the upper part of the body should be kept quiet1 and the head held naturally1 not turned one side1 while the eyes are neither thrown up nor cast down in an affected style4 ,their steps should be in harmony and the gentleman must be very careful not to permit a collision with other couples4 ,at every slightest pause in the dance the gentleman should instantly drop his arm from the lady's waist4 ,in these intervals it is proper to fan her if she desire it1 and to enter into chatty conversation4 ,gentlemen avoid all boisterous conduct in the dance1 such as swinging a partner too rapidly1 or lifting her too much from the floor4 ,she1 on her part1 should dance lightly1 never permitting her partner to carry her around1 but performing her share well1 or not dance at all4 ,the ,most ,desirable ,dances4 ,in making up a dancing program1 quadrilles should always find a place1 since many can walk through its measures that will not undertake the more active dances4 ,it also gives opportunity for the graceful curtsy which no lady should fail to learn1 and can be enlivened with conversation4 ,to the alluring round dances1 polka1 schottische1 waltz1 etc41 there are many who strongly object1 but1 danced in private homes and in most cases under the eye of the young girl's mother1 there can be found nothing dangerously objectionable in this favorite amusement4 ,the minuet is a stately1 beautiful old dance that is sometimes introduced1 enabling both old and young to join in its slow and gracious measure4 ,new steps1 new changes and new dances1 with the technical features of which it is not the province of this book to deal1 are continually coming into vogue with each season4 ,a few words1 however1 with regard to the general etiquette of that justly popular dance1 the ,german1 will be in place here4 ,the ,german1 called the ,cotillion in ,france and in ,germany1 where it originated1 is the most fascinating dance in social use4 ,balls at which it is to appear1 signifying that fact in the invitations sent out are more elaborate in their arrangements1 and are held to a later hour1 since the earlier portion of the night is devoted to waltzing and other dances1 and the ,german is not commenced until after supper4 ,many leave before it begins1 especially those who expect to make the tour of several balls and receptions during the night4 ,a second and hot supper is usually served at its close1 to those who participate in its measures4 ,be certain when the ,german is to be introduced that a sufficient number of men are invited to make the affair a success4 ,the leader of the cotillion is chosen by the hostess1 and should be thoroughly familiar with all its figures1 new and old2 skilled to command1 and prompt to bring order out of confusion2 at the same time energetic and good tempered4 ,as there will always be some in a ,german who do not understand it1 the leader must be ready to help them out4 ,such parties should take their places near the end1 and1 in this way1 will become familiar with a figure before it is their turn to dance4 ,no ,favorites to be ,allowed4 ,the leader will also see that gentlemen do not neglect some ladies for the pleasure of dancing frequently with more favored partners4 ,in this he should be assisted by the hostess1 and gentlemen should never disregard her quiet suggestion on this score4 ,after all1 the ball-room is a more fitting field for a display of the ,christian graces than most ,evangelical people are willing to admit4 ,all those dancing the ,german must consider themselves as introduced1 and each lady or gentleman is free to call up any participant for his or her partner4 ,in fact it is desirable that they should do so1 since by devoting themselves entirely to their acquaintance there is danger of some being debarred from the amusement4 ,for these reasons the ,german is unsuited for a public ball1 and fitted only for a private house where the invitation is expected to certify the character of the guest4 ,varied and beautiful are the figures that may be adopted1 but the scope of this book will not permit full instructions for its elaborate changes4 ,one suggestion1 however1 is in point2 do not choose those romping figures where the fun is liable to become too fast and furious for ball-room decorum4 ,the figures requiring properties1 such as ribbons1 flags1 ,japanese lanterns1 aprons1 mirrors1 etc41 should have all the necessary articles carefully provided beforehand4 ,during most of the figures1 favors are distributed2 flowers1 amusing trinkets1 or sometimes pretty little souvenirs are given4 ,rosettes1 scarf pins1 bangles1 tiny flags1 artificial butterflies1 bon-bons in embroidered satin bags1 badges1 painted silk sachets1 etc41 are all appropriate4 ,tiny lanterns filled with perfume1 and sometimes amusing toys will add to the fun of the occasion4 ,it is better taste to give simple articles than to resort to the gifts of great value that some hostesses have bestowed1 since such giving always suggests ostentation4 ,flowers alone are sometimes used and it is not necessary to make the favors a source of undue expense4 ,regrets must be sent one's hostess if unable to attend a ,german1 that the place may be filled4 ,if a gentleman invites a lady especially as his partner for a ,german1 he should send her a bouquet and if some unforeseen occurrence should prevent his attendance1 he must at once send her an explanatory regret to that effect4 ,private ,balls ,given in ,public4 ,many hostesses1 feeling the inadequacy of their parlors to accommodate all the guests that they wish to invite at one time1 without disagreeable overcrowding1 have adopted the custom of giving their large entertainments at public assembly rooms4 ,this custom1 while it frees the hostess from much care1 must also be deplored as depriving the gathering of that home atmosphere which is ever a safeguard4 ,the etiquette is the same as that of a private ball1 and after calls are demanded within the same length of time4 ,the decorations and arrangements resemble closely as possible those of a private house4 ,public ,balls4 ,much of the etiquette given for ,private ,balls governs the conduct of those attending public entertainments of the same nature4 ,introductions1 however1 must be sought before any attentions are offered a lady1 and there is much more care exercised in granting them than under a private roof4 ,gentlemen1 too1 use their own pleasure in the choice of partners1 not having the courtesy of their hostess to regard in this respect4 ,of course1 ,military1 ,charity and ,civic ,balls are under the charge of trustees and committees1 who not only take charge of the convenience of the guests1 but endeavor by all means within their power to regulate the social standing of those obtaining entre to the assembly4 ,in many of the large cities a board of lady patronesses add prestige and a certain home protection to the successful carrying out of a public ball of the highest order4 ,it seems to supply the protection of a hostess to the fte4 ,a young girl1 even if the omission be excused at a private ball1 does not attend a public affair of this nature without a chaperon4 ,late hours are more especially objectionable at public balls than at a private house4 ,one1 or half-past1 should find the adieux made4 ,a young lady1 in refusing to dance with a gentleman1 is not obliged to sit the dance out as she would be at the house of a mutual friend4 ,she may1 however1 if she wish1 do it in deference to his feelings4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,masquerade ,,assembly4 ,,masquerades4 ,a few words with regard to masquerades will not be out of place here1 with the one proviso added that they refer exclusively to private entertainments4 ,public gatherings of this nature should be shunned as questionable amusements1 excepting1 of course1 any case where1 from want of room1 a lady may choose to give the entertainment in some public assembly-room instead of her own parlors4 ,this course lends the protection of home to the charm of its veiled mysteries4 ,a masquerade is an entertainment giving much trouble to both hostess and guests4 ,elaborate decorations are necessary in the ball-room4 ,invitations for it should be issued from three weeks to a month in advance1 in order to give the guest time to choose and prepare the costume to be worn4 ,some hostesses give their invitations for a fancy dress party only1 omitting the feature of masks4 ,in this they may act their own pleasure4 ,in event of permitting masks they must be laid aside at supper hour4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,masquerade4 ,occasionally the hostess arranges a costume scheme for the entire fte beforehand1 signifying to each guest the character1 historical or imaginary1 that it is her pleasure he shall1 for the time being1 personify4 ,in this way the perfection and beauty of the ball-room are assured beforehand1 and repetitions of time-worn characters prevented from appearing upon the floor4 ,choice of ,costumes4 ,again1 the hostess may content herself by selecting the costumes that she wishes a few particular friends to don1 sufficient in number to form one or more quadrilles to open the ball4 ,each set must be carefully arranged as for instance1 a court party1 costumed after the time of ,louis ,,xiv4 ,a group of ,watteau ,shepherds and shepherdesses1 or a hunting party garbed after any chosen period1 etc4 ,the remainder of the guests may be permitted to use their own taste in the selection of costumes4 ,a full dress rehearsal of these especially arranged quadrilles should be held beforehand to ascertain the most satisfactory method of grouping the characters in each set4 ,invitations to an entertainment of this nature are issued like those for ordinary balls1 adding ,bal-masque or ,fancy ,dress ,ball1 down in the left hand corner4 ,when the entertainment is to be very elaborate these words are given an entire line1 extending through the center of the invitation4 ,occasionally the words1 ,ordinary ball dress permitted1 find a place upon the card1 to the relief of those who prefer to appear in their own proper character4 ,the host and hostess in fancy dress1 assisted by daughters or friends1 all costumed1 receive as in other balls1 and the etiquette is in all ways similar4 ,some ladies1 and gentlemen also1 wear mask and domino over the regulation party dress1 removing this when the others unmask4 ,guests1 as far as in them lies1 should seek for originality in their costumes4 ,historical and mythological characters1 personification of the powers and attributes of nature--as ice1 snow1 stars1 planets1 etc4--are always suitable4 ,standard works of fiction whose characters are familiar to all1 as well as ,mother ,goose and ,kate ,greenaway1 are always fruitful sources for characters4 ,accurateness should be sought after in carrying the costumes out4 ,etiquette of ,ball ,dress1 ,invitations1 etc41 may be found in their appropriate departments4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,social ,,chat4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,leisure ,,hour ,,in ,,the ,,park4 ,,soir,,es1 ,,musicales ,,and ,,lawn ,,parties4 ,illustration ,in ,france almost any social gathering that occurs in the evening is called a soire4 ,here in this country the term soire is applied to an evening entertainment that partakes of the nature of an evening party1 but is not quite so elaborate and means earlier hours both of arrival and departure4 ,soires1 as a rule1 offer some particular form of amusement1 such as music1 dancing1 a reading2 an interchange of bright ideas1 such as a conversazione4 ,it means also pretty evening dress1 not elaborate1 ball costume1 and a supper4 ,it attracts gentlemen1 who appreciate the easy-going1 early-houred soire4 ,that is1 gentlemen who do not particularly care for the ball-room1 and it is here we are sure to find wits and the aristocracy of intellect4 ,in short1 the very best elements of society are found in the elegant unpretentious soire1 where the intelligent woman of fashion has the tact to welcome and make at home the artist1 the author1 the professional man1 and the man of business4 ,the soire has still another advantage3 a lady can give one in a small house and with very little expenditure1 and if she has the gift of entertaining1 her gathering will always be sought after4 ,suitable ,dress4 ,women1 as before mentioned1 wear pretty evening dress 7not ball costume71 and remove their bonnets1 and in this way differing from matines and from morning receptions1 at both of which entertainments bonnets are worn4 ,men wear morning dress4 7,see ,department of ,dress47 ,receiving ,guests4 ,for small evening parties1 the host and hostess during the early part of the evening remain near the door to receive guests4 ,later they must mingle with the company to assist in entertaining4 ,a late arrival1 however1 should be noted1 though it is their place to search out their hostess and offer the greetings of the evening4 ,as guests enter the room the hostess should advance a step to meet them4 ,her words of greeting should be first addressed to the elder ladies of an incoming group1 then the young ladies1 lastly the gentlemen4 ,the hostess should be perfectly at her ease1 having apparently no thought beyond the reception rooms4 ,the ,entertainment4 ,where the entertainment is mixed1 a little music is appropriate1 a little dancing and a little card-playing4 ,it is well to engage some one to play for the dancing1 since guests usually do not care to preside at the instrument4 ,a violin is a great addition4 ,if1 however1 the dancing is an afterthought1 any gentleman who is a good pianist may offer his services to relieve any lady at the instrument4 ,the hostess should see that conversation does not lag4 ,she must not interrupt an entertaining tte--tte1 unless it last too long2 but1 if conversation languish between a couple thrown together1 she should bring in a third person1 or draw away one1 while substituting another4 ,invitations4 ,if invitations are issued a week or ten days in advance1 the hostess has a right to expect that her guests should arrive on time1 and carefully attired4 ,the form of the invitation is similar to an ,at ,home1 as3 ,,mrs4 ,,emmons ,,van ,,zant1 ,at ,home1 ,thursday1 ,june sixteenth1 at eight o'clock4 #bjdj ,westmoreland ,street4 ,duty of ,guests4 ,the hostess may ask her guests to sing or play2 but1 if they refuse1 it is bad taste to urge them4 ,the hostess1 if she plays or sings1 may favor the guests with a single selection after others have been heard4 ,it is well for amateurs to master a few pieces that they can render without the notes4 ,this relieves one of that time-worn excuse--,i haven't my notes4 ,this is also the case with those who sing4 ,by ceasing to urge performers1 the company will be freed from much of that repeated1 coy refusal that only needs sufficient coaxing to comply4 ,when a lady is asked to play or sing1 the gentleman nearest her should at once escort her to the piano1 remaining near her while she plays1 and turning the music1 if he be competent4 ,he will also take charge of her fan1 bouquet and gloves1 and when the music is finished1 he will again offer his arm for her return to her seat4 ,at the same time he will thank her for the pleasure she has given himself and the company4 ,other guests1 together with the hostess1 should also express their gratification4 ,never comment on the quality of the instrument4 ,never offer to turn the sheets of instrumental music unless familiar with the notes4 ,when any one is playing or singing1 let the company preserve silence1 and if they should converse1 let it be in the lowest tones4 ,to interrupt a performer is the worst possible taste4 ,instrumental performers have as much right to expect the courtesy of silence as vocalists4 ,the hostess has the privilege of indicating1 to a noisy group1 by a gesture1 her desire for silence4 ,those who will talk should at least withdraw from the immediate vicinity of the instrument4 ,if asked to play an accompaniment1 do so1 not to display your own accomplishments1 but so as to afford the best possible support for the singer4 ,,musicales4 ,a musicale1 or a musical reception1 is a difficult entertainment4 ,a program must be arranged1 and sufficient amateur performers secured to make a success of the affair4 ,herein comes the difficulty1 amateurs1 after a very unwilling consent has been wrung from them and their name and selection placed upon the program1 are so little to be depended upon4 ,would that there could be found some way of oiling the machinery at a musical entertainment and of soothing the ruffled feelings of a hostess when those most depended upon to render assistance withdraw at the last moment for some vague reason4 ,when one firmly refuses at the first to appear upon the program1 no offence can be taken1 but to withdraw for any but the most urgent reason is an actual breach of etiquette4 ,for this reason1 those hostesses whose purses are of sufficient length1 are driven to employ professional assistance upon these occasions4 ,another objection to amateur performers is the semi-professional jealousy existing between them as to precedence on the program4 ,performers should arrive punctually1 and while the order of the program should be followed as far as possible1 no one should be offended at being asked1 when it is necessary to play or sing out of the order agreed upon4 ,arranging the ,program4 ,if the musicale is to be entirely professional1 much trouble will be saved by seeking some prominent musician1 and with him arrange the program1 and letting him act for the hostess in the matter4 ,a professional artist should not be kept beyond the time agreed for1 neither should he be urged to render selections entirely different1 or largely in excess of those arranged for4 ,the hostess should express her pleasure1 and may request some little favor4 ,applause is allowable1 but it must be within limits4 ,a courteous reception must be accorded to all performers by those who desire their talents4 ,the hostess should see that the piano is carefully tuned and not keyed too high4 ,it is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music1 followed by solos1 duets1 quartets1 etc41 with instrumental music between4 ,a successful musicale can be held with the piano alone for music1 an accompanist1 and a tenor and soprano of note1 but very often a violin is added1 and sometimes a mandolin orchestra and four or more singers vary the program4 ,professional singers and musicians usually leave when their numbers are over1 in order to protect their throats from night air and the strain of conversing4 ,guests should arrive early so that the confusion of entrance and taking seats will be over before the music begins4 ,if late1 they should wait until the number then in progress is finished before taking their places4 ,the singular impression1 so common everywhere1 that at all society gatherings it is much more genteel to appear late upon the scene than at the time appointed1 has less reason to justify it when a musicale is the entertainment than at any other entertainment or society event1 except a dinner4 ,music1 interrupted by noise1 is a failure4 ,the cards of invitation are after this fashion3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,chandos ,miller1 ,at ,home1 ,thursday1 ,june fifth1 at eight o'clock4 #be ,westmoreland ,street4 ,music4 ,the programs are usually written instead of printed1 and are sometimes hand-painted and ribbon-bedecked1 and again they are engraved on dainty cards4 ,they are frequently enclosed with the invitations4 ,if dancing is included1 this is the formula3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,chandos ,miller1 ,at ,home1 ,thursday1 ,june fifth1 at eight o'clock4 #be ,westmoreland ,street4 ,music4 ,dancing at eleven4 ,if the musicale is for afternoon1 it partakes of the nature of the matine4 ,bonnets are to be worn4 ,refreshments are not necessarily served4 ,the afternoon is often selected when noted stars are to sing1 since their time is taken up in the evening4 ,the evening musicale1 however1 is a more brilliant affair4 ,replies are to be sent to these invitations1 since for any entertainment when all are to be seated1 it is a convenience to know the number of the guests4 ,the drawing-room is cleared of the greater part of its furniture1 and1 if dancing is to follow1 the carpet is covered with canvas1 or removed1 if there is a hard wood floor4 ,camp chairs are provided for the guests4 ,arrangement of ,performers and ,guests4 ,the seating arrangements should present a clear space for the performers4 ,too close proximity is not conducive to tranquility on the part of the singer1 and also spoils the tone effect4 ,professional singers insist upon sufficient space4 ,remove all ornaments of breakable china and bric--brac from the vicinity of the piano1 which should be bare of cover1 and admit of the lid being easily raised and lowered4 ,a bowl of cracked ice1 some tumblers1 and a pretty jug of water should be placed upon a table near the piano4 ,good ventilation should be ensured4 ,a reading or recitation can be introduced into a musical program with good effect1 and a long program should be divided by a recess for conversation1 and to permit those to retire who do not wish to remain to the end4 ,if dancing follows1 the camp chairs are removed1 or placed where they can be used4 ,supper is also served before the dancing4 ,cigars1 matches and ash trays are usually found in the library by the gentlemen1 or the cigars are placed in the cloak room to be smoked on the journey home4 ,either plan1 or their omission altogether1 is eminently proper4 ,a day musicale calls for morning dress for men1 and a visiting or walking toilet for women4 ,an evening affair1 with dancing1 calls for evening dress for both4 ,,lawn ,,parties4 ,a green lawn1 a few trees1 a fine day1 and something to eat are really all the absolute requirements of a garden party4 ,if true1 this places the pleasant mode of entertaining our friends in the power of many people of moderate means4 ,in remote country localities these parties are very delightful1 particularly if city friends are guests for the ,summer4 ,when properly conducted1 a garden party may be given with very little trouble1 and made very simple and informal1 but if desired may be made elaborate and ceremonious4 ,when only neighbors are to be entertained1 a hasty invitation1 so as to be sure of fine weather1 may be sent two or three days in advance1 but when guests are expected from any distance it is customary to send invitations eight or ten days in advance1 as suitable preparations must be made4 ,these invitations are usually engraved on handsome1 plain note paper1 and may be in this form3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,charles ,leigh ,request the pleasure of ,mrs4 ,morton's ,company on ,thursday1 the fifth of ,august1 ,at three o'clock4 ,garden ,party4 ,maple ,grove4 ,when guests are to come by rail it is well to send a card stating the hours at which trains arrive and leave the station4 ,then if carriages are to meet the train1 on a card enclosed might be printed3 ,carriages will meet the #c4cj train from ,union ,depot4 ,a lady1 also1 may invite her friends to a garden party by sending her visiting card with ,tennis or ,garden ,party written in the lower left hand corner1 and day and hour in the lower right hand corner1 or under her name4 ,it is well sometimes to specify the time of closing4 ,at a garden party the hostess receives her guests on the lawn1 or in the garden1 wearing her hat and gloves4 ,but guests should always be invited to the house to take off their wraps1 or arrange their toilet if desired4 ,of course1 a maid servant should be in the dressing-room to attend their wants4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,naval ,,ball ,,on ,,shipboard4 ,illustration3 ,,an ,,absorbing ,,story4 ,the thoughtful hostess will take care to have everything in readiness for the comfort and entertainment of the company4 ,rugs should be laid on the grass for the accommodation of those not accustomed to standing on the ground1 and easy chairs provided for delicate or aged ladies who may be present1 so all may enjoy the party without fear of the consequence4 ,amusements to be ,provided4 ,much tact is required to properly entertain guests at a garden party1 and prevent them from wandering aimlessly about the grounds4 ,ample amusements must1 therefore1 be provided4 ,the lawn tennis ground must be in perfect order1 croquet sets in readiness1 archery tools supplied1 as well as arrangements for all kinds of suitable games made4 ,music is a very delightful addition to the pleasure of such an occasion1 and should always be had1 when practicable4 ,ladies wear hats or bonnets at a garden party1 and should dress otherwise appropriately4 ,if a plain1 informal affair1 the dress should be simple and becoming1 and if games like lawn tennis or archery are among the amusements1 light flannel dresses are suitable4 ,but if invited to a ceremonious lawn party1 where style will prevail1 handsome though simple toilets are required4 ,picturesque costumes may be made very effective on the grass and under the trees1 and ladies of taste have a fine field for displaying it upon such occasions4 ,many very fashionable people conduct the garden party in the style of an afternoon tea1 receiving and entertaining their guests in the open air until ready to serve refreshments1 when all are invited to the dining-room to partake of them4 ,this mode is very convenient and quite pleasant1 though it divests the occasion of much of the novelty and charm belonging to it4 ,when the refreshments are to be served in the garden or lawn1 of course the dishes must all be cold1 and may consist of salads1 pats1 pressed meats1 ,charlottes1 jellies1 ices1 cakes1 lemonade and iced tea4 ,a cup of hot tea should always be in readiness in the kitchen for those ladies desiring it4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,lawn ,,party4 ,servants should be well trained when in attendance to prevent confusion4 ,dishes1 knives1 forks and spoons should be removed when used1 and put in baskets or trays in readiness for them1 and a fresh supply brought to replace them4 ,tables and ,refreshments4 ,numbers of small tables1 with pretty1 fancy covers1 and colored napkins1 should be set around under trees1 near fountains and other suitable places1 with camp-stools for the accommodation of guests when partaking of refreshments4 ,servants should to be very careful in going from place to place with dishes to be served never to spill or drop the contents on ladies' dresses4 ,gentlemen may help the ladies1 if they prefer1 and wait on themselves1 requiring the servants only to remove the dishes and replenish the pitchers with lemonade1 milk or water4 ,fruits1 pineapples1 strawberries1 raspberries1 peaches and grapes are served at garden parties1 and should be of the finest quality4 ,ices are a very acceptable addition to an outdoor entertainment1 being light and refreshing for warm weather2 they are served in fancy paper cups1 laid on ice plates4 ,for ladies desiring to give garden parties1 the following bill of fare will be found sufficient3 ,cold ,rolls4 ,mixed ,sandwiches4 ,brown ,bread4 ,pickled ,tongue4 ,pat de foie gras4 ,jellied ,chicken4 ,cold ,birds4 ,lobster ,salad4 ,charlotte ,russe4 ,biscuit4 ,glacs4 ,fancy ,cakes4 ,fruits4 ,lemonade4 ,iced ,tea4 ,strawberry ,acid4 ,in ,england the refreshments are always served in a marquee 7large tent7 on the lawn4 ,for such outdoor entertainments foods that require little use of knife and fork should be chosen2 sandwiches should never be made of sliced meats as they are awkward to handle4 ,crusts should be trimmed off1 and the filling shredded or grated to a paste1 and highly seasoned4 ,for the same reason hot drinks should be dispensed with as far as possible4 ,glasses are to be filled but two-thirds full4 ,none of these precautions are necessary when the refreshments are served indoors4 ,for the out-of-doors feast a number of small tables should be provided2 cover with fancy cloths and on them place piles of plates alternating with folded napkins1 breadbaskets1 or trays heaped with sandwiches and buttered tea biscuit1 baskets of fancy cakes1 and plenty of reserve napkins4 ,have some of the assistants pass these1 beginning with the plates1 and to the maidservants leave the service of tea1 coffee1 cream and sugar 7when these are given7 and other drinkables4 ,by this time the gentlemen who first assisted will have been served and the maids can turn their attention to the ices4 ,ice cream can be served as above1 and ices in glass cups2 after this the maids can gather up the dishes in baskets4 ,a caterer may be called upon to furnish the feast1 in which event all trouble will be spared the hostess4 ,do not use the best glass and china at these entertainments2 the danger of breakage is too great4 ,at many gatherings a special table is supplied for the gentlemen1 where soda-water1 claret cup1 and sometimes wines are served4 ,the men help themselves1 but a manservant is present to supply fresh glasses1 etc4 ,this table depends entirely upon the principles of the hostess4 ,if no hours are mentioned1 the guests usually disperse about dusk1 unless dancing is provided for those who wish to stay and enjoy it4 ,seats4 ,the business of providing seats is a comparatively trifling affair when there are to be young people present1 who prefer clean turf or the piazza steps to any more luxurious lounging place4 ,for the older guests1 less unconventional accommodations may be devised4 ,light rockers1 camp chairs1 wooden or wicker settees are pretty1 and in harmony with the rustic nature of the reception4 ,it is well1 also1 to have rugs or strips of carpet laid about1 for the benefit of those who dread the dampness that some imagine rises from the ground even in the midst of the most obstinate drought4 ,cushions are invaluable at such times1 whether used as footstools for the more delicate guests1 to soften porch steps1 or to convert stumps and grassy knolls into divans1 for those who like low seats1 but yet have a due regard for their bones or dresses4 ,a charming1 and thoroughly rustic style of seat1 can be formed of dry1 sweet hay4 ,tossed up in generous piles1 to make couches1 or heaped against the trunks of trees to simulate arm chairs1 they provide resting places that are not only luxurious1 but uncommon4 ,the costliest upholsterer can furnish no chairs or sofas more softly padded or more deliciously perfumed than these4 ,with rugs or shawls thrown over them1 to guard the garments of their occupants from any possible injury from moisture or from crushed insects1 they are all that the most fastidious could demand4 ,hammocks1 also furnished with cushions1 are always comfortable and picturesque1 while screens are valuable additions to the furniture of this open-air drawing-room4 ,covered with cretonne1 felt or paper of any shape and size1 these are almost indispensable for shielding from draughts in breezy weather1 or sheltering from obtrusive sunlight on a sultry day4 ,lawn ,parties for ,charity4 ,in case of a charitable object1 the refreshments are disposed of at reasonable prices4 ,in this case the menu should be restricted to a few articles4 ,berries1 ice cream and cake are frequently sufficient2 coffee can be added4 ,dainty buttonhole bouquets should also be provided and sold to the gentlemen for prices in advance of their value4 ,afterward1 with the piazza for a stage1 a little program of music1 singing and recitations can be carried out4 ,at any garden party1 music and singing are in order1 and at very grand affairs1 paid musicians of note are engaged4 ,orchestras also are frequently somewhere on the grounds4 ,breakfasts1 ,luncheons and ,teas4 ,illustration ,a breakfast or a luncheon is somewhat less formal than a dinner and1 hence1 so much the more delightful4 ,the breakfast party includes both gentlemen and ladies while1 as a rule1 the luncheon is an entertainment given to ladies4 ,the invitations to a breakfast may be written1 engraved or verbal4 ,if a large number of guests are invited to meet some distinguished stranger1 engraved invitations are issued4 ,five days or a week's notice is usually considered sufficient1 but if distinguished wits and scholars are to be secured1 it is well to give a longer period1 since their time1 always in demand1 should be bespoken well in advance4 ,a reply to the invitation is a necessity1 because the hostess wishes time1 in case of non-acceptance1 to secure another guest4 ,where the breakfast is less stately in character1 an informal note1 written by the hostess1 in the first person1 is a pleasant method1 or simply written on the lady's visiting cards under the name in this form3 ,breakfast1 ,tuesday1 ten o'clock1 ,february fifteenth4 ,artificial light is out of place1 and sunshine should flood the apartment1 while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table appointments1 quite the opposite of the elaborate display that characterizes the dinner party4 ,flowers should form the decorations of the table4 ,breakfast parties are a very convenient mode of social entertainment for those whose limited means will not admit of a more extensive display of hospitality4 ,ten o'clock is the usual hour1 though it may be as late as twelve1 thus differing from the luncheon1 which is never earlier than one4 ,breakfast parties are a favorite reunion with literary people1 who generally take the morning hours for leisure1 leaving brain work until later in the day4 ,sidney ,smith said he liked breakfasts1 because no man was conceited before one o'clock in the day4 ,in serving breakfast the bill of fare1 unless for special occasions1 should never be elaborate1 but rather dainty and attractive1 as the appetite usually needs tempting at this early hour2 fewer courses of a more delicate variety should be served than at other meals4 ,the hostess dispenses the coffee1 tea and chocolate from the head of the table2 the substantials are set in front of the host1 who may help the plates and hand them to the waiter to serve2 the vegetables and other dishes may be handed from the side table4 ,concerning the ,viands4 ,it is well-bred to serve the breakfast with as little formality as possible1 and with as few attendants2 one servant1 a maid1 or man servant is sufficient unless the party is unusually large4 ,if grape-fruit be used for a first course1 or orange skins filled with juice1 a wreath of smilax on each plate makes a pretty decoration4 ,a breakfast should invariably begin with fruit1 followed by a course of eggs4 ,this latter is one of the essentials1 and offers a greater variety than is perhaps known outside of ,france4 ,a ,spanish omelette1 if properly made1 is a thing to be treasured among the pleasures of memory4 ,stuffed eggs1 or hard boiled eggs cut in slices1 with a bechamel or white sauce1 are appropriate and generally liked4 ,a fish course1 an entre1 one meat1 a salad and a sweet course should follow next in order1 concluding with coffee4 ,the entre and the meat may form one course1 if a slice of duck with olives1 fried chicken or some such dish be selected4 ,ices of all kinds are entirely out of place at a breakfast4 ,an omelette souffle1 peaches with cream1 or best of all a fruit salad1 are within the proprieties4 ,this last never fails to call forth enthusiastic appreciation4 ,it is simply made1 and keeps perfectly for two or three days4 ,half a dozen oranges should be peeled1 leaving no particle of the white adhering1 and then cut in small pieces4 ,half a ripe pineapple1 broken with a fork into bits and sugared to taste1 and four bananas sliced1 are mixed with the oranges1 and the whole put on ice for three or four hours4 ,this will be found a dish rivalling the ambrosia of high ,olympus4 ,with the first course of fruit1 finger-bowls are in readiness1 but are removed at its close4 ,hot breads and breakfast cakes are always suitable1 and oatmeal1 carefully cooked and served with thick cream and powdered sugar1 often follows the fruit4 ,the closing course should be hot cakes served with honey or maple syrup4 ,if there are ladies present1 or the hostess presides1 the coffee1 chocolate1 etc41 are poured by her1 and after the first course she asks the guests when they will have it served4 ,the following will be found an acceptable bill of fare for an ordinary breakfast party4 ,it can of course be varied to suit the convenience and taste of housekeepers4 ,bill of ,fare for ,breakfast4 ,melons4 ,grapes4 ,oranges4 ,fried ,perch with ,sauce ,tartare4 ,young ,chickens with ,cream ,gravy4 ,saratoga ,potatoes4 ,poached ,eggs on ,toast4 ,broiled ,quails4 ,baked ,mushrooms4 ,tomatoes or ,celery4 ,bread and ,butter4 ,crackers4 ,hot ,cakes4 ,coffee4 ,tea4 ,chocolate4 ,if a butler serves at a breakfast he does not wear full dress as at a dinner4 ,wedding ,breakfast ,menu4 ,a menu that would be easy to prepare for a wedding breakfast would be two hot dishes consisting of chicken croquettes1 lobster cutlets1 oyster patties or creamed oysters4 ,everything else might be cold and as follows3 salad1 either chicken or lobster1 pickled oysters1 a small wedding cake1 little cakes for the bridemaids1 ,charlotte russe and coffee4 ,the table decorations should either be all white1 or the colors used in the bridemaids' costumes4 ,let the waitresses be dressed in white4 ,illustration3 ,frances ,folsom ,cleveland ,illustration3 ,,the ,,cotillion4 ,the simplest costume is in good taste for breakfast parties4 ,men wear morning dress1 and ladies handsome but plain street costumes4 ,gloves are removed before going to the table4 ,bonnets are kept on4 ,each gentleman is given the escort of a lady4 ,the host conducts the lady who is the most distinguished guest to the table1 and the hostess follows last with the gentleman whom it is desired to honor particularly4 ,upon entering the dining-room the ladies are assisted to their seats1 and the gentlemen then follow1 and the meal is served4 ,the signal for rising from the table is given by the hostess1 with a smile and simple bow1 and all proceed to the parlor1 exchange a few pleasant remarks1 and take their leave4 ,for informal breakfasts no after-call is expected1 but for ceremonious entertainments of this kind the same observance of the rules of etiquette are required as for dinners and large parties4 ,guests should not remain more than half an hour after leaving the table1 and many do not even return to the drawing-room4 ,a ,bachelor ,breakfast4 ,if a breakfast has been given by a gentleman to ladies and gentlemen1 the lady who chaperons it and presides as hostess1 receives all the attentions of a lady in her own home4 ,the host calls upon her soon after the event1 and also calls upon his lady guests4 ,gentlemen usually give their breakfasts at fashionable hotels or restaurants4 ,a ,golden-,rod ,breakfast4 ,this is a pretty country entertainment4 ,it can be given out of doors under wide-spreading trees4 ,for the one in mind1 great roots of golden-rod were dug up and transplanted into jardinires 7stone jars in this case7 and a hedge of the nodding yellow plumes placed all about4 ,the carpet was of checkered sunshine and shade1 and the green canopy of the leaves made the scene a perfect one4 ,the guests1 arriving at ten o'clock1 were ushered into the rustic breakfast room4 ,four tables were used4 ,on one pure white damask napery was enlivened by low baskets of maidenhair fern1 and sprays of the same delicate plant tied with baby ribbon of green gave a cool look to the whole4 ,the largest table was resplendent with cut glass vases filled with golden-rod4 ,white asters gave a hint of autumn's snow to the third table1 and the ingenuity of the hostess found pleasure in decorating the remaining one with the delicate grasses and rich-colored small fruits of autumn4 ,gold-banded china1 cut glass and silver1 which had been in the family for three generations1 supplemented the floral charms of the tables4 ,choice ,blending of ,colors4 ,autumn and yellow were the main ideas which guided the selection of the menu for this golden-rod breakfast4 ,everything possible was in the yellow tint or rich golden brown4 ,with plenty of cream and fresh eggs and the fresh fruits of the farm to work with the menu was an easy one to furnish4 ,ices served in the shape of tiny melons and cakes decorated with frosted sugar4 ,as a memento of the feast each guest retained her name card which bore a spray of pressed golden-rod fastened with narrow yellow ribbon1 and on it in golden script a verse with some thought suggested by autumn or the flower4 ,tiny garden hats of yellow straw1 filled with golden-rod1 accompanied the name cards4 ,the golden-rod in itself proved a veritable gold mine as a help to conversation4 ,discussions as to whether or not it should be chosen as the national flower2 descriptions by travelers of where they had seen it growing best1 bright quotations of favorite authors leading to discussions of poems or books by these authors1 anecdotes of travel all followed each other and naturally1 led by the clever hostess who1 in her quaint gown of yellow1 with golden-rod in her belt and a spray tucked close to the wide tortoise shell comb which held her golden hair1 looked like the personification of the flower she had honored at her breakfast4 ,wine at a breakfast is optional4 ,if used1 two varieties are enough1 and should be in keeping with the principal dishes2 claret1 sherry1 ,burgundy are suitable4 ,,luncheons4 ,a luncheon is usually an entertainment given by a woman to women4 ,from whatever cause1 luncheon parties are rapidly gaining popularity among us4 ,macaulay wrote1 ,dinner parties are mere formalities1 but you invite a man to breakfast because you want to see him1 and the same may apply to luncheon parties for ladies1 these being almost exclusively their affair4 ,invitations to small luncheons are usually very informal1 and may be written in the style of a familiar note of friendship2 or a visiting card may be used1 underneath the name of which is simply written3 ,luncheon at one o'clock1 ,thursday1 ,january eight4 ,the repast may be elaborately made up of salads1 oysters1 small game1 chocolate1 ices and a variety of dishes which will destroy the appetite for dinner1 or it may simply consist of a cup of tea or chocolate1 thin sliced bread and butter1 chip beef or cold tongue1 but there is the same opportunity to display good taste and a well-appointed table as at a grander entertainment4 ,ladies attend formal luncheons in very elegant street or carriage costumes4 ,they wear rich and becoming bonnets1 which they do not take off4 ,they appear with gloves1 removing them when seated at the table4 ,the toilet of the hostess may be as elegant as she wishes1 anything1 in fact1 short of an actual evening costume4 ,luncheons of ceremony are sometimes given in honor of distinguished guests1 or upon special occasions1 instead of dinners1 and may then be very stylish affairs4 ,flowers should be artistically arranged1 both for the adornment of the parlor and dining-room and the table more sumptuous1 though always dainty2 broiled delicacies1 such as do not require carving1 take the place of joints1 and too rich dishes1 with salads1 oysters1 croquettes and ices2 bouillon is very generally served at large or small lunches1 as is also chocolate with whipped cream4 ,tea is not expected to be present on these occasions4 ,coffee1 served without cream after luncheon in the prettiest little cups the hostess can muster1 is generally at hand4 ,the table may be decorated with flowers and fruit as a centerpiece1 around which should be placed glass dishes of fancy cakes1 and bon-bons4 ,at very formal luncheons each dish is served as a separate course4 ,instead of coffee being served in the drawing-room1 as after dinner1 the hostess dispenses it at the luncheon table4 ,the invitations to fashionable1 elaborate luncheons should be handsomely engraved after the following style3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,robert ,barton ,keene ,requests the pleasure of ,mrs4 ,frederick ,daniel's company at ,luncheon1 ,friday1 ,may sixth1 at half-past one o'clock4 #f ,portland ,place4 ,the toilets of the ladies attending should be elegant1 and always appropriate to the occasion4 ,the hostess usually leads the way to the table1 keeping the most distinguished guest at her right1 the others following and seating themselves as they choose4 ,guests are not expected to remain longer than half an hour after they return to the parlors4 ,calls are a polite acknowledgment after receiving hospitalities1 and should be made within a few days after the entertainment4 ,if gentlemen are invited1 and the master of the house is present1 the guests proceed to the dining-room in the same order as at a formal dinner party4 ,if the luncheon is given in honor of some particular individual1 this fact should appear upon the invitation4 ,the following is a good form3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,vincent ,requests the pleasure of your company at luncheon1 ,on ,tuesday1 ,february fifth1 ,to meet ,genevieve ,gallatin4 ,one o'clock4 #ahjg ,chestnut ,street4 ,the rooms are usually darkened for an elaborate luncheon1 and artificial lighting resorted to4 ,wax candles are the most pleasing1 their radiance having a softening effect4 ,nowadays there are candles in the market warranted not to drip1 and made not wholly of wax1 but of some composition which burns brilliantly and slowly4 ,they average eight to the pound1 and cost something like twenty-five or thirty cents a pound4 ,no light is so satisfactory or so becoming as candlelight4 ,when the great question of illumination and flowers is settled1 there remains one more opportunity for individual taste1 for bon-bons1 salted almonds and olives may be disposed here and there in small dishes of cut glass or silver4 ,the usual hour at which to take leave after luncheon is three o'clock1 and1 unless pressed to do so1 luncheon guests should not remain beyond this hour1 thus avoiding any inconvenience to a hostess in the matter of her afternoon engagements4 ,of course1 the hour of leaving depends on the hour at which the luncheon is given4 ,luncheon ,refreshments4 ,the refreshments must not be heavy1 for the reason that many of the guests may be expecting to attend a dinner or evening party that same day4 ,if a butler serves at a luncheon he does not wear full dress1 as at a dinner party4 ,only light wines are offered at a ladies' luncheon1 and more frequently none at all4 ,mineral waters and pure water are supplied4 ,entering the ,dining-,room4 ,ladies who are intimate with the hostess often arrive half an hour before the time set for the luncheon and chat with the hostess4 ,usually there is no formality in entering the dining-room4 ,the hostess leads the way with the honored guest1 if there be one1 on her right4 ,the ladies go down together1 talking as they go4 ,if there are gentlemen present1 they follow4 ,once there1 they seat themselves at random1 with the exception of the host and hostess1 who seat themselves at the head and foot of the table4 ,again1 it may happen that the guests1 when they reach the table1 find name cards at each plate to designate the place to occupy4 ,these often are simple bits of pasteboard with a gilded edge which the hostess buys and writes thereon her guests' names4 ,this is especially the case if other favors are given4 ,where the luncheon is very informal the entire menu frequently consists of cold dishes1 such as boned turkey1 boned ham1 raw oysters1 salads of all kinds1 chickens1 fruits1 fruit salad1 ,bavarian cream1 or other creams1 fancy cakes1 pat de foie gras1 etc4 ,the coffee is hot4 ,let the hand of the caterer be kept as much as possible out of luncheon4 ,lunch or ,luncheon4 ,there has been much questioning as to the distinction between the words lunch and luncheon1 which are often used interchangeably4 ,the latest and best definition would be1 that a lunch is a meal to be partaken of informally by the members of a household1 at midday or before going on some pleasure excursion4 ,luncheon1 on the contrary1 signifies a form of entertainment given after breakfast and before the evening dinner hour4 ,it is a meal of compliment and more frequently extended to ladies alone4 ,the invitations given for a luncheon are issued on the same principle as those for a breakfast4 ,a young performer1 vocalist or elocutionist1 is often introduced at a luncheon4 ,luncheon ,favors4 ,favors for a luncheon may be very elegant1 or only simple and pretty4 ,a single rose laid at each plate is frequently all that is given4 ,name cards are often made to serve as souvenirs4 ,a very new and pretty design for a name card is made of a plain white or cream square envelope1 painted with a dainty design of violets4 ,where the name is to be seen1 an opening like that of a picture frame is cut through the face of the envelope1 a line of narrow gilding finishing the edge4 ,the name of the guest is written on a plain card and put inside the envelope so as to show through the opening4 ,some other small graceful flower in place of the violet is sometimes painted on it with good effect2 and if one color1 as yellow1 for instance1 predominates in the table decoration1 a design of jonquils or buttercups is chosen4 ,a cardboard rest is tied in at the top of these envelope cards by a narrow ribbon caught through two little slits in the envelope over the one in the rest itself4 ,they are then stood around the table like dainty little picture frames1 which in reality they are1 making the most charming souvenirs when taken home and a small photograph substituted for the card with the name on it4 ,some quaint and pretty conceit is always sought after for favors4 ,too expensive articles suggest a desire for display4 ,painted satin bags or other fancy receptacles1 filled with choice confectionery1 are always acceptable1 especially at a ladies' luncheon4 ,if the satin bag can be turned into an opera bag1 so much the better4 ,tiny baskets1 purchased for a trifle1 and metamorphosed by means of a little gold paint1 and a bow of ribbon on the handle1 into dainty flower-holders1 are also pretty4 ,hand-painted book covers are suitable1 and1 again1 fans are much admired4 ,those of ,japanese style can be bought reasonably4 ,favors for gentlemen1 such as fancy pocket pincushions1 small coin purses1 scarfpins1 sleeve-buttons1 etc41 are more useful than ladies' favors1 but not so ornamental on the table4 ,a pair of oars1 artistically carved1 are appropriate for the athletic-minded4 ,silk handkerchiefs with initials are also proper4 ,little silver bonbonnires are nice for women1 and silver matchboxes for men4 ,some ,betrothal ,luncheons4 ,the bride-elect entertains her girl friends at luncheon1 and revives all the old innocent superstitions to add merriment and interest to the occasion1 notable among them the ring baked in the cake1 the chance recipient of which will be first to wear the orange blossoms4 ,one of the prettiest of these luncheons was given on occasion of the announcement of the betrothal of the young hostess1 and a veritable feast of roses was the result4 ,as was proper1 everything was couleur de rose--even the light in which the guests saw each other shone through dainty candle shades formed wholly of pink silk rose petals4 ,the central epergne1 holding a luscious mass of bridemaids' roses1 was laid on a circle of filmy1 transparent bolting cloth1 the edge of which was embroidered with a wreath of pink roses of natural size and varied shades4 ,even the salt was contained in the heart of a rose--tiny little porcelain affairs--originally intended for candlesticks1 but now appropriately used for the symbol of hospitality4 ,illustration3 ,,free ,,from ,,the ,,restraints ,,of ,,society4 ,illustration3 ,,out ,,for ,,healthful ,,exercise4 ,dresden cupids1 in pretty and artistic poses1 held dishes filled with candied rose leaves and heart-shaped cakes covered with pink icing4 ,a wreath of paper roses surrounded the drop-light above the table2 the ladies' names were written on rose-petals 7of cardboard71 the sorbet was in the form of pink roses and flavored with the cordial parfait amour1 while the ice cream repeated the design1 and was served in a garden hat of straw-colored candy wreathed with natural roses4 ,the human flowers around the table against such a background of sweetness and light made the scene one to be remembered4 ,blue and ,white ,tableware4 ,a contrast to the foregoing 7which was1 perhaps1 rather suggestive of languors and luxury7 was a dainty1 prim little luncheon1 where the table decorations were all of the soft delf1 blue and white4 ,the centerpiece held bluets and marguerites1 that carried one's thoughts far afield1 and brought memories of flower-scented breezes and of joys1 healthful1 pure and vivifying4 ,the service was entirely of blue and white delf china1 and the quaint candelabra1 of like material1 were decorated with crimped paper candle shades repeating the same colors4 ,under the dish holding the flowers was a square of linen embroidered in blue4 ,the design was an exact copy of that on the china4 ,the candlelight merely illuminated the little shades and added to the effectiveness of the decorations1 but its pale beams were lost in the sunshine that streamed into the room and lighted up the intelligent faces of the women about the table4 ,each guest read on the reverse side of her name card a little rhyming assurance of her welcome4 ,for instance3 ,if wishes were dishes1 ,these should be so rare1 ,you would vow that you never ,had tasted such fare6 ,if wishes were riches1 ,a feast should be spread ,that would tempt old ,lucullus ,to rise from the dead4 ,but1 since wishing is vain1 ,take the will for the deed1 ,and the warmest of welcomes ,i offer instead4 ,a ,dresden ,luncheon4 ,a ,dresden luncheon is a dainty and flowery style of entertainment for springtime1 that is considered a more perfect combination of the exquisite and the elegant than any artistic gathering yet seen4 ,the keynote is the blending everywhere upon the table of the delicate ,dresden china colors1 blue1 pink1 yellow and violet4 ,the fine flowers seen upon the royal china are scattered in embroidery over the linen centerpiece2 on this stands a ,dresden bowl holding an old-fashioned nosegay of pink rosebuds1 hothouse daisies with their yellow centers1 pansies and heliotrope4 ,these are tied loosely together with a bow of blue ribbon1 which gives the needed touch of that color1 unless one is able to get natural forget-me-nots or some other fine blue flowers1 like scillas4 ,a few airy and smaller bunches of the same flowers1 in little cut-glass stands1 are placed about the table4 ,the candelabra have pink rose shades4 ,the finger-bowl mats are embroidered to match the ,dresden flower centerpiece1 and floating in the water of the bowls are the different flowers--a few rose petals in one1 a daisy in another and a pansy in another until each has one4 ,every cup1 saucer1 plate or dish used is of ,dresden china1 the greater the variety of their shapes the prettier4 ,the ice cream is served in small satin cases1 in the different pale colors1 blue1 pink1 violet and yellow4 ,when boxes in these colors cannot be procured plain white is used4 ,on the top of each is tied a little bunch of satin flowers composed of tiny pink rosebuds1 blue forget-me-nots1 a daisy1 a bit of heliotrope1 or a few violets4 ,at the place of each guest is a name card1 done in the ,dresden design4 ,the cards are made of water-colors paper and the design painted in water-color4 ,the color of the painted ribbon bows in the designs given varies in the different cards in blue1 pink1 yellow and violet1 and where the loop ends extend over the edge they are cut out1 making the ribbon look more realistic4 ,the sign of all ,dresdenware from the royal factories is the tiny blue crossed swords on the reverse or bottom of the dish1 without which no piece is genuine2 so on the back of the cards one must be sure to paint the sword sign in just the right shade of old blue1 thus making complete the idea of a veritable feast of royal ,dresden4 ,,concerning ,,teas4 ,the distinction between five o'clock teas1 kettledrums1 afternoon receptions and high tea1 is not very clearly drawn4 ,strictly speaking1 the afternoon or morning reception is the most formal1 and has been dwelt upon in a former chapter4 ,high ,tea4 ,this is really the evening supper1 which has also been described in detail1 although sometimes the high tea is spread for an earlier hour than the supper1 say seven or eight o'clock4 ,the ladies come in visiting costume1 and the gentlemen in morning dress in country towns4 ,in cities1 sometimes1 dress coats and light gowns are considered essential4 ,guests are expected to spend the evening4 ,where there are two rooms1 such as dining-room and parlor1 or two parlors1 the tables can be laid in one room1 while the guests are assembling in the other4 ,often1 however1 the hostess can command but one large room in which to entertain her friends4 ,in this case1 the little tables can be brought in by a servant and spread in the presence of the guests without the least breach of propriety4 ,after the meal is over1 the dishes are quickly carried out on trays and the tables either taken from the room or left where they stand for cards or any of the many pencil-and-paper games that are pleasant at such gatherings4 ,one waitress1 if quick and deft1 can readily wait on a dozen people1 especially if all the necessary articles for changing the courses1 plates1 silver1 etc41 are arranged on a side table in the room or outside the door4 ,there are many attractive menus that can be suggested for teas1 but the following seems to demand as little home labor for satisfactory results as any other4 ,the word tea1 by the way1 is something of a misnomer1 as at these entertainments the beverages are almost invariably coffee or chocolate1 or both1 tea being left entirely out of the question4 ,menu4 ,bouillon4 ,bread4 ,crackers4 ,celery4 ,pickled ,oysters4 ,chicken ,salad4 ,peanut ,sandwiches4 ,olives4 ,salted ,almonds4 ,chocolate4 ,coffee4 ,ice ,cream4 ,fancy ,cakes4 ,fruit4 ,serve the bouillon in cups1 and be sure that it is very hot4 ,have a thin slice of lemon floating on the surface of each cup4 ,pass crackers 7the ,zephyr or ,snowflake brands are best17 with this1 and choice blanched celery4 ,if the tables are set before the guests arrive1 it is well to have a couple of short stalks of celery laid at each plate and spare that amount of waiting4 ,have each cup and saucer set in a plate1 and take all three pieces off at once4 ,either tea or coffee cups may be used1 and it is1 of course1 unnecessary to have them match4 ,the pickled oysters1 with not too much liquor1 may either be served on the same plate with the salad or separately4 ,glass or china dishes may hold the salad and oysters4 ,forks should be used with this course4 ,the sandwiches must be neatly piled on fringed napkins on bread plates1 and must be passed several times1 and the olives and salted almonds may fill small glass dishes4 ,the olives may be helped with a fork or spoon or with the fingers1 the almonds may be served with spoons4 ,the coffee and chocolate should be poured out at a side table1 and sugar and cream passed with them to each person4 ,the ice cream should also be served off the table and passed in the plate or saucer from which it is to be eaten4 ,the cakes should be prettily arranged in a cake dish with a doily under them4 ,the fruit should be placed on a flat salver1 as high piled dishes are apt to be top-heavy and difficult to pass4 ,oranges1 bananas1 grapes1 the last cut into rather small bunches1 make a pretty array4 ,each guest must be supplied with a fruit plate1 doily1 finger-bowl1 fruit-knife and fork or spoon4 ,souvenirs are sometimes given1 or attractive menu cards are used4 ,five ,o'clock ,teas1 or ,at ,homes4 ,some ladies make it a point to be at home almost every day at a certain hour1 and serve tea or coffee in their drawing-rooms1 accompanied by either wafers1 maccaroons1 fancy cakes1 or small delicate sandwiches1 and perhaps bouillon for masculine callers4 ,such a lady who is bright and interesting1 who gives a warm welcome1 yet does not bind any one to a longer stay than the conventional ten minutes1 is sure of drawing about her a delightful circle of acquaintances1 men and women alike being pleased to drop in on their way home from the city1 or from more pretentious gatherings4 ,this is the afternoon tea in its simplest form4 ,in ,london afternoon tea is universal4 ,if you are calling anywhere in the latter part of the afternoon1 tea and thin bread and butter will be offered you as a matter of course1 or if it has already been handed round1 you will be asked if you have had your tea1 and if not a fresh supply will be immediately brought4 ,if bread is thin enough1 butter fresh1 cake good1 and tea and coffee perfection1 you have provided all that is necessary4 ,in warm weather ices or strawberries could be added4 ,in ,england you will very seldom be given more than this at the best houses1 and in ,italy1 where the afternoon receptions are the most agreeable entertainments imaginable1 you will never be offered anything more than dainty little cakes1 chocolate and tea4 ,these slight refreshments are usually served in the simplest way4 ,the hostess herself1 or if the guests are numerous a white-capped bonne or two1 pours out the tea and chocolate and the men of the party hand it to the ladies4 ,often the children of the house flit to and fro1 carrying cups of tea or plates of cake1 and everybody talks to everybody else4 ,there will be the best pictures on the walls or the easels1 often the best music from people the world knows well1 and a reception thus simple in point of refreshment1 but rich in the pleasures of art1 is a memorable delight4 ,still other ladies are at home on some one afternoon in each week1 and announce that fact on their cards under their names as follows3 ,thursdays in ,february4 ,tea at ,four ,o'clock4 ,or1 if for a single occasion1 it may read thus3 ,four ,o'clock ,tea4 ,tuesday1 ,february ,fifth4 ,or1 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,,green1 ,five ,o'clock ,tea4 ,tuesday1 ,january ,fifth4 #dg ,sussex ,place4 ,or1 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,,green4 ,thursdays4 ,four to ,seven4 #dg ,sussex ,place4 ,the year1 or ,p4,m41 should not appear on the card4 ,these invitations require no answer1 and no after calls1 since really it is nothing more than a grand calling day4 ,those who cannot attend1 call as soon as convenient1 and those who come leave cards in the hall4 ,walking or carriage costumes are worn4 ,men wear morning dress4 ,the hostess dons a handsome reception gown1 never an evening dress4 ,the young ladies who assist her are prettily clad in fabrics that suit the season1 but which must not suggest ball toilet4 ,the simple refreshments served must be the very best of their kind4 ,this style of afternoon tea is suitable for city or suburban life4 ,the ,five ,o'clock ,tea ,table4 ,beginning with the table itself1 it may be a small oval1 circular or hexagon shape4 ,any one of these is preferable to a square one4 ,if the surface of the table is highly polished and it is preferred not to cover it entirely1 a handsome square or round centerpiece doily1 which is only a dinner centerpiece1 is used1 or a teacloth a yard square may prettily and wholly veil it4 ,for the actual furnishing of the table there are required a tea caddy1 teapot1 a hot water kettle1 a cosy1 a wafer or cracker dish1 two or three pretty cups and saucers1 cream jug and sugar bowl4 ,to measure the tea with a spoon is not considered quite so correct1 and so redolent of the old-time flavor as to use the cup-cover of the caddy1 one fill to a brew4 ,a glass mat may be provided to set the hot teapot upon1 and the spoons are laid loose upon the table4 ,cups should hold more than an actual thimbleful1 though they need not hold a pint1 and should bear some relation to the laws of gravitation in their poise upon the saucer4 ,they should have a smooth rim4 ,a fluted edge is a most uncomfortable finish for a drinking vessel4 ,the wafer-basket may be silver1 china or cut glass4 ,for the winter months many hostesses have introduced a variety on the menu of the five o'clock tea table4 ,tea is a doubtful beverage in many hands1 and is wholly abjured by many women as injurious to the complexion1 hence a big1 egg-shaped urn1 beneath which a tiny alcohol jet burns1 is set up in the corner of the drawing-room4 ,the urn is filled with chicken bouillon1 served piping hot in small silver cups1 and with an invigorating dash of sherry for those who prefer it so4 ,with the bouillon are served platters of toasted water biscuit that have been sparingly buttered and lightly sprinkled with salt4 ,sometimes1 in place of salt1 a powdering of cheese is grated over the hot cracker1 and for a relish at five o'clock nothing could be preferable to this light1 warm repast4 ,men1 it is well to remark1 heartily advocate the change from insipid tea to the invigorating hot bouillon4 ,pages4 ,the special innovation for the benefit of women are two drawing-room pages4 ,these are small1 well-trained little boys in buttons1 livery or done up in stippers1 white linen and turbans1 who at intervals of fifteen minutes carry about among the callers large lacquer trays1 on which are spread violets and rose leaves1 crystallized and salted nuts with ginger4 ,one is supposed to scoop up a few of the confections or nuts as the pages pass4 ,receiving ,friends4 ,those friends invited to pour tea or chocolate also come at the hour named1 and after removing their wraps seat themselves at their particular tables1 or at their end of the one long table4 ,it is their duty to dispense1 besides the cups that cheer1 words and smiles that cheer also to every one who comes1 no matter whether they know them or not4 ,usually they can do much to make it lively for all in their immediate vicinity4 ,if the afternoon is a long one and guests numerous several of the receiving party volunteer to relieve those at the urns1 and they spend an hour pleasantly about the rooms and beside the hostess4 ,these are the kindly things expected of a woman who accepts an invitation to receive1 and when she has done them gracefully and prettily she is a social sister of mercy4 ,if the number of guests is small the hostess herself frequently serves1 with perhaps her daughter or some friend1 to assist4 ,the ,eatables4 ,the tea1 with its pretty equipage1 is placed on the table by her side2 sometimes chocolate is provided1 and occasionally a crystal pitcher of milk for any who may desire it4 ,some very thin sandwiches 7rolled ones are better71 a silver basket of sweet biscuit and one of mixed fancy cakes1 form an all-sufficient menu4 ,a small cluster of flowers in a slender vase and the table is complete4 ,friends greet one another1 drink a social cup of tea1 chat a little1 and that is all4 ,formal leave-taking is not expected4 ,sliced lemon should be at hand for any who prefer the creamless1 sugarless ,russian tea with a slice of lemon floating on its amber tide4 ,some ladies invite several young girls to help serve and entertain1 and1 in the eyes of the masculine half of creation1 this adds greatly to the beauty of the picture2 for ever since tea became famous in our society1 men have found much to admire in a girl who can serve it gracefully4 ,a kettledrum and an elaborate five o'clock tea are precisely the same form of entertainment4 ,the term kettledrum is not very frequently used4 ,some of the guests at at homes have so little judgment in the matter of departure that experience never serves them in good stead4 ,they are nervous and vacillating when they should be neither2 they linger and know not how to get themselves gracefully away1 and usually succeed in making an abrupt exit4 ,they know the right moment at which to leave1 but fail to put this knowledge into practice4 ,almost think it is time to go now1 or ,i wonder whether ,i ought to say good-bye or wait until some one else comes in4 ,the regulation conventional time for a call on an at home day is about twenty minutes1 but this can be lengthened out to half an hour or forty minutes1 circumstances being favorable1 or shortened to ten minutes when the position is distinctly unfavorable to a longer stay4 ,bringing ,out a ,dbutante4 ,the bringing out of a dbutante at an afternoon tea has become1 because of its simplicity1 a favorite method4 ,it affords opportunity to invite a number of young rosebuds to cluster about her1 and it does not subject the bud to the ordeal of a ceremonious1 or large1 ball4 ,the dbutante's name will be engraved below that of her mother1 on at ,at ,home card4 ,if she be the eldest daughter1 her name is written ,,miss ,,manning4 ,if she have elder sisters1 it is ,,miss ,,amy ,,may ,,manning4 ,no answer is expected to these cards1 but each recipient will note the especial significance of the occasion by leaving cards in the hall for her as well as her mother1 and1 if the invitation be not accepted1 they will send or leave cards within a few days1 for both her and her mother4 ,an elaborate afternoon tea is often given in honor of some stranger1 when the cards will read as follows3 ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,ladd1 ,at ,home1 ,tuesday1 ,march ,tenth1 from ,four until ,seven o'clock1 to meet ,,mrs4 ,,gordon ,,bennet4 #e ,south ,fiftieth street4 ,this would indicate a daytime1 but not usually a day-lighted assembly1 and means flowers1 gaslight and music2 elaborate costumes as may be without infringing on actual evening dress1 and refreshments1 all too abundant for those who expect a dinner to follow4 ,ladies leave outer wraps in hall1 or dressing-room1 but do not remove their bonnets4 ,gentlemen who expect to spend but a few moments1 carry their hats with them into the drawing-room4 ,the table is made attractive with beautiful linen1 china1 and silver1 and salads and oysters1 ices and cake turn this entertainment from a simple afternoon tea into a high tea4 ,the tea-room is never deserted1 and1 although servants are in attendance1 there are young girls to pour the tea and add the charm of their presence to the hour4 ,dancing even is suggested by the enchanting waltz music that floats from some hidden nook1 and a hostess with a sufficiently spacious home often provides a room for this amusement1 gentlemen and ladies who wish to participate1 disposing of their wraps in the dressing-room4 ,gentlemen ,visitors4 ,these occasions usually capture more men than any other daytime gathering4 ,they attend in ,prince ,albert 7frock7 coat1 neat scarf1 faultless gloves1 perfect-fitting shoes1 and unexceptionable hat4 ,they need not remain long1 they need not talk much1 and they are sure to find some few that they recognize2 and besides1 in the best society1 the theory of non-introduction gives each person the privilege of conversing with anyone present4 ,yet1 hostesses who are strong in their social positions are not afraid to introduce people who meet under their roof1 or to express pleasure that you took the time to call4 ,such a hostess brightens and warms the atmosphere1 and the busy1 tired man1 who does not usually enjoy such affairs1 will enjoy coming to her house and will come again4 ,how to ,leave4 ,when the drawing-room is crowded it is possible to leave without saying adieu to the hostess1 and good form does not necessitate the hostess to ask anyone to call again4 ,an ,afternoon ,tea-,saucer4 ,a convenience that any victim of the afternoon tea will appreciate is a tray or elongated saucer1 oval in shape4 ,at one end is a rest made of gold wire1 in which the cup stands4 ,the other is quite large enough to allow of serving sandwiches1 biscuit1 or even a bit of salad without burdening the guest with a second object to hold4 ,the cup stands firm in its place4 ,not even the jostling common in a crowded room will displace it or endanger that breakage which so often follows a crush4 ,the tray is easily held in one hand1 and the other is free to handle fork or spoon without inconvenience of the smallest sort4 ,pretty teapots for the five o'clock tea table are of rosewood in a pinkish brown and in the usual olive coloring4 ,the handles of the lids are butterflies1 and a butterfly is on the handle used for pouring4 ,some of these elegant little pots are overlaid with a tracery of silver4 ,teapots intended for ,easter favors are of brown porcelain in the form of a chicken with the mouth doing duty for the spout4 ,pink and ,blue ,teas4 ,these have been a great fad1 and while not quite so popular1 are pretty enough to deserve mention4 ,a table is too often confused in its arrangement of color on account of its changes of courses4 ,this can be entirely done away with by adopting some simple color scheme4 ,a luncheon1 or tea1 is easier to serve in this fashion because of its simpler menu4 ,amber and white will harmonize with celery1 salads1 ices and other articles needed at a luncheon4 ,the yellowish white1 full of sunlight1 harmonizes with amber and can be followed up to deepest bronze4 ,amber glasses1 creamy damask1 all the tints from white to bronze1 can be used in the dishes4 ,apricots heaped on amber dishes1 ices tinted in harmony1 and a great mass of white roses for a center ornament1 are appropriate4 ,another beautiful effect is to do away with the cloth and let the polished wood of the table set the keynote of color4 ,an oak table1 with its rich yellows and browns and its lurking suggestions of green1 would afford a color scheme with which all shades of amber1 bronze and yellow would blend4 ,bon ,silne or ,malmaison roses would also be in harmony with the other decorations4 ,miscellaneous ,entertainments4 ,illustration ,coffees are so exactly like teas1 with the exception that coffee is the reigning beverage1 that extended description is unnecessary4 ,the invitations are precisely the same as for teas1 simply substituting the word1 ,coffee1 or ,kaffee ,klatsch in the corner of the card instead of ,tea4 ,the ,german term1 ,kaffee ,klatsch1 is frequently used4 ,this1 literally translated1 would be ,coffee ,chat or ,gossip4 ,the entertainment is of ,german origin1 and was adopted to fit the fiction that the stronger sex1 of whom the lateness of the hour captures many a willing or unwilling victim1 do not revel in tea4 ,chocolataire4 ,this is rather a new entertainment4 ,its novelty lies in the fact that the beverage served is chocolate1 and that chocolate enters into all the refreshments served1 such as chocolate wafers1 etc4 ,a chocolate lemonade will be a nice addition in hot weather1 chocolate bon-bons being passed in dainty silver bon-bon baskets4 ,the cards are the same as for ,teas and ,coffees1 simply substituting the word ,chocolataire or ,chocolate in the left hand corner4 ,if this is used1 as it sometimes is1 for a church or charitable entertainment1 cards are not issued1 but it is simply announced through the usual channels as a ,chocolataire1 and numerous other refreshments all containing chocolate in some form can be dispensed1 chocolate ice cream1 chocolate cake1 etc4 ,theater parties may be made into very elaborate entertainments1 or they may be simple and quietly arranged4 ,ladies and families often give these parties as an easy method of repaying their social debts4 ,but the theater party is the entertainment1 par excellence1 dear to bachelor hosts1 especially those who have no homes of their own to which they may invite guests1 and wish to return some of the many courteous hospitalities of which they have been the recipients4 ,in one of these elaborate affairs the host first secures some popular lady to chaperon the party4 ,then he calls upon his florist1 makes arrangements with some famous restaurant and pays a visit to the box-office of some theater where a new play is to be brought out in ten days or two weeks4 ,invitations for ,theater ,parties4 ,he then gives the invitations in person to the selected number of his lady friends1 not less than six1 not more than fifteen1 explaining to the mothers who will chaperon the party and what gentlemen he has invited4 ,these must number the same as his lady guests and will have been chosen from among the most eligible of his friends4 ,the rendezvous will be at the restaurant where dinner will be served at six o'clock4 ,the young ladies attended by father1 brother or a maid1 come in carriages and the coachman is told at what hour to return4 ,this is usually half past twelve or one o'clock4 ,the dinner will be served in a sumptuously decorated1 private dining-room1 and by eight o'clock the party are en route in carriages for the play4 ,each lady is first supplied with exquisite corsage and hand bouquets by an attentive maid4 ,boxes are engaged at the theater1 or in case of large parties1 the front row of the balcony4 ,programs printed on scented satin are frequently placed in front of each chair and serve as souvenirs of the occasion4 ,when the play is over the party returns in carriages to the same restaurant where an elegant supper is laid4 ,frequently each lady finds costly souvenirs at her plate4 ,each gentleman acts as escort through the evening to whatever lady he has been assigned by the host4 ,at the appointed hour carriages call for the ladies and the gentlemen escort them thereto4 ,if some male relative come1 he does not accompany her home1 but if it is the maid only1 he is expected so to do4 ,the young ladies and gentlemen must call upon the chaperon within a few days and the host calls upon the mothers to express thanks for the pleasure of the daughter's attendance4 ,the men invited must each call within three days upon the especial lady to whom they devoted their time during the evening1 or if this is impossible1 leave a card4 ,a simpler form of this entertainment is where the host calls upon each proposed guest1 and if the invitation is accepted1 leaves two entrance tickets1 and one for some male relative who must accompany her4 ,the party meet in the box1 where the host and a lady chaperon greet them4 ,after the theater supper is served at some fashionable resort1 or perhaps at the home of some friend1 where dancing occasionally follows the supper4 ,after calls are expected4 ,these parties are sometimes given by a lady1 when the invitations are sent by informal notes in her own name1 and a six o'clock dinner laid in her own home precedes the opera4 ,after the entertainment the guests return in carriages to the house where a little supper is served1 and perhaps some dancing varies the program4 ,occasionally this entertainment takes the form of a matine party of ladies only1 who adjourn at its close to the hostess's home for a supper4 ,dress for the ,opera4 ,when a gentleman invites a lady to the opera1 he should tell her what part of the house they are to occupy4 ,if it is a box she must at least wear a light opera cloak1 even if she does not array herself in full evening dress4 ,however1 evening toilet1 no bonnet and beautifully dressed hair1 are the correct thing4 ,at an opera matine1 elegant visiting dress and dainty bonnets are always worn4 ,if a gentleman is to escort a lady to the opera in any of the public conveyances she must wear street toilet4 ,picnic ,parties4 ,picnics and excursions are delightful summer entertainments4 ,but it is essential that whoever goes on a picnic should possess the power to find sermons in stones1 books in the running brooks1 and good in everything2 know how to dress1 know where to go1 and above all1 know what to carry to eat4 ,a very great variety of food should be avoided1 also soft puddings and creamy mixtures of any sort1 which persistently leak out4 ,plain1 substantial food1 simple and well-cooked1 should ever be chosen1 with a few sweet and simple dainties to top off with4 ,this can be divided up among the party by the one who is most executive1 with the ladies to furnish the substantials and the gentlemen the beverages4 ,the men assume the expenses of the boats or other conveyances4 ,paraffine paper is indispensable in wrapping up the viands1 which are much more wisely carried in boxes1 than baskets1 as the former can be thrown away1 and the fewer the burdens on the home-coming the better4 ,a rubber coat or mackintosh is also a necessity1 for no matter how warm the day1 there is a risk of sitting out in the woods on the bare ground4 ,this can be easily managed in a shawl strap4 ,it is best not to carry a tablecloth1 but if something is preferred to spread upon the ground1 a strip of enameled cloth is the most satisfactory thing1 and whatever is spilled upon it can be easily cleaned off4 ,japanese napkins take the place of linen1 and wooden plates1 which can be thrown away1 are most desirable1 like those which the bakers use for pies4 ,there are several important items which must not be forgotten1 and among them are hand-towels and soap1 combs1 hand-mirror1 thread1 needle and thimble1 a corkscrew and a can opener4 ,what to ,eat4 ,there should be a clear understanding at the outset what eatables each one is to bring4 ,one girl may promise to furnish a certain proportion of the rolls or sandwiches1 and another1 part of the cake4 ,others may promise cold or potted meats1 sardines1 stuffed eggs1 ,saratoga potatoes1 olives1 pickles1 fruit1 lemonade and cold coffee4 ,salad may easily be carried if the lettuce and chicken or lobster are arranged in a dish set in a basket1 and the dressing contained in a wide-mouthed bottle or pickle jar4 ,the best way to transport lemonade1 if fresh water can be readily procured at the picnic grounds1 is to take the lemon juice and sugar in a jar1 adding the water after the party reach their destination4 ,apollinaris water is excellent for lemonade4 ,the coffee and milk should have been put together before leaving home1 but the sugar is carried separately4 ,tongue and ,sandwiches4 ,to begin with the substantials1 a cold roast1 a boiled tongue1 deviled eggs1 are simple and tasty4 ,the roast may be sliced off before going1 and carefully wrapped up1 but the tongue should be carried whole and cut up when required1 or it is apt to become dry4 ,the eggs are easily prepared1 being hard boiled1 cut lengthwise1 the yolks taken out1 mixed in a bowl with pepper1 salt and mustard1 and a few drops of ,worcester and put back again in the whites4 ,different kinds of sandwiches may be served4 ,for one time there may be finger-rolls1 split1 the inside hollowed out and filled with chopped chicken or tongue1 and the two sides tied together with the narrowest of ribbon4 ,again1 bread and butter1 cut wafer thin and rolled1 may appear4 ,sweetbread sandwiches1 sardine sandwiches1 egg sandwiches1 are delicious and easily prepared variations upon the everlasting ham and tongue4 ,very dainty sandwiches are made of two thicknesses of thin bread and butter1 with a layer between of cream cheese and chopped water cress4 ,the fruit should be heaped in a basket or arranged as a centerpiece with the flowers4 ,ice cream may be taken to a picnic without much additional trouble4 ,the brick molds can be so packed by a confectioner in a pail of ice that there will be no danger of the cream melting4 ,for this1 of course1 wooden plates are not available1 but china saucers will have to be transported4 ,for the sweets some plain cake and bon-bons1 and a box of crystallized ginger are all-sufficient4 ,cold tea1 with lemon and ice1 is certainly the most refreshing and satisfactory4 ,if more side dishes are preferred1 there are olives1 salted peanuts or pecans1 gherkins1 radishes or club-house cheese and wafers to choose from1 and if berries in season are desired1 they are best carried in a glass preserve jar4 ,if one person gives a picnic1 she should expect to furnish all the food1 the means of transportation for her guests1 the plates1 glasses1 knives1 forks and napkins--in short1 to defray all the expenses of the trip4 ,this is apt to prove a rather expensive proceeding1 if there are many guests invited1 but it is a very pretty style of entertaining for those whose means permit them to indulge in it4 ,a ,basket ,picnic is a more general affair1 where each member of the party supplies a quota of the provisions4 ,some one person undertakes the charge of the party1 and invites such people to join it as she thinks would make it a success4 ,the girls usually provide the refreshments4 ,chaperons4 ,it might seem needless to say that there should always be a chaperon on picnic parties if it were not that even in this day there appears1 in some places1 to be a lack of proper understanding of this subject4 ,dwellers in large cities see matters in a clearer light1 and a young man who is thoroughly versed in points of etiquette will not think of inviting a young lady to accompany him to the theater without also requesting her mother or a married friend to join them4 ,in the same manner he asks a chaperon to go with them when he escorts a young lady to a ball or party4 ,when a number of young people get off together1 they are apt1 without the least intention of impropriety1 to let their spirits carry them away and lead them into absurdities they would never commit in a graver moment4 ,if a chaperon is bright and cheery1 sympathizing in the enjoyment of the young people1 and avoiding making her presence a bar upon innocent gayety1 she need be no drawback to the pleasure of the expedition4 ,on the contrary1 most young men and women will feel a security and sense of comfort from having some one along to take the responsibility of the conduct of the party that they could never know were there no chaperon present4 ,it is a good rule1 if possible1 to have an equal number of persons of each sex on a picnic4 ,this is especially desirable if the party is to be on the water1 in rowboats1 where each boatload must be evenly divided4 ,the hostess or projector of the party may arrange in whose escort each girl is to go1 or this may be left to the young people themselves4 ,a ,marshmallow ,toast4 ,this is exclusively a girl's entertainment4 ,a very pretty one was given to about twenty girl friends4 ,the guests were invited in the afternoon from two until six o'clock4 ,a large room had its furniture removed and in its stead were placed small tables1 which contained trays holding marshmallow candies1 skewers and lamps4 ,the mallows were toasted and eaten after a little supper4 ,tables were spread prettily with white linen and decorated with flowers4 ,the supper was arranged as follows3 ,oyster ,patties4 ,buttered ,bread4 ,sandwiches4 ,salad with ,french ,dressing4 ,assorted ,cakes4 ,chocolate4 ,toasted ,marshmallows4 ,the young girls had a delightful time and the entertainment was simple and inexpensive4 ,roof ,parties4 ,roof parties are the very latest diversion which the girl who stays in town is enjoying4 ,they are the very jolliest entertainments imaginable1 and the best part of them is that one can go in any sort of an outing suit without feeling de trop4 ,even the dwellers in the big apartment houses are able to give these high-in-the-air festivals1 and they have become very popular from the fact that they are so informal and delightfully novel4 ,if your roof is spacious and walled in by a high parapet so much the better1 for1 of course1 one can always imagine danger if there be only a narrow coping about the edge4 ,pick out a night when the clerk of the weather will be polite enough to give moon and stars and soft southern breezes4 ,then cover the surface of the roof with rugs or else stretch a matting over the tin4 ,improvise couches upon boxes covered with rugs1 or bring up a couple of cots and pile cushions upon them4 ,palms and plants placed about always add to the effect1 and if you wish the place to look like a little bit of fairy land hang ,chinese lanterns on strings stretched about the edge1 and when they are lit they will look remarkably pretty4 ,if the roof be provided with ledges between your own and your neighbors1 the bricks can be spread with napkins and refreshments arranged thereon4 ,almost any sort of menu is permissible1 but salads1 sandwiches1 olives1 ice cream and liquid refreshments of all kinds are always in order4 ,bachelor's ,parties4 ,bachelors who live in apartments are giving ,dutch parties on roofs1 and in those cases the refreshments consist of beer and ale served from the wood1 rye bread and cheese sandwiches1 sausages cooked in a chafing-dish and ,rhine wine in the cup4 ,roof parties can be so elaborate that they will cost quite as much as a more pretentious function1 but they are more enjoyable when they are simply gotten up4 ,one was given in a fashionable part of the city1 and the aid of the caterer and the decorator had been utilized in such a manner as to produce the effect of a gorgeous al fresco reception4 ,a gaily striped awning was stretched across the part of the roof where the edibles were spread upon a table loaded with flowers4 ,a carpet was spread for a dance at one side with only the stars for a canopy4 ,about the entire roof and reaching far up in a pyramid of light there were lanterns lit by electric lamps fastened within4 ,there was a pleasant breeze blowing1 and these many swaying colored lights produced a beautiful effect4 ,rich rugs carpeted the roof surface1 and flags were draped about the high coping4 ,this party was given on the roof of a large hotel and was such a success that a number of similar ones were arranged for4 ,a ,flower ,party4 ,another young girls' entertainment is a flower party--an appropriate name1 as the writer once attended one where all the young ladies wore snowy gowns1 each beautifully adorned with the wearer's favorite flower4 ,a large silver salver filled with sprigs of flowers awaited the young men in the reception-hall1 and upon his entrance each selected according to his fancy a flower from the waiter and sent it up the decorated staircase to find its mate and the young lady wearing the matching one met him on the landing1 pinned his chosen flower to the lapel of his coat and became his partner for the evening4 ,bicycle ,teas4 ,with the bicycle comes the bicycle tea4 ,in the large cities these teas have been given for charity and have been great successes4 ,but there is no reason why any girl may not give an attractive bicycle tea and make it very original4 ,sandwiches in the shape of tennis rackets1 with an olive steak in the center for a ball1 are among the novelties4 ,sandwiches in the shape of a wheel and a saddle might easily be cut4 ,bicycle lanterns1 which resemble glowworms1 should furnish decoration4 ,if possible1 a bicycle tea should be given out of doors1 where outing costumes would not be incongruous4 ,a ,barn ,party4 ,there is a big1 red barn on a fine old farm1 that is easily reached by city friends1 and there1 every year1 is given an autumn revel in the shape of a genuine barn dance4 ,the mow is filled with sweet smelling hay and the cattle1 stalled1 are below4 ,the big center floor is cleared and swept and reswept and chalked to make it fit for dancing feet4 ,the decorations for the dance consume much time1 and into them the hostess throws many a loving thought4 ,pumpkins form the chief theme4 ,in flower-like or hideous forms as jack-o'-lanterns they hold posts of honor on rafter and beam4 ,the lanterns used are the regular farm lanterns1 though the walk through the old-fashioned garden to the barn is outlined by the fancy ,japanese lanterns4 ,ears of corn tied by fluttering ribbons1 the husks turned back to show the golden ears1 cornstalks1 golden-rod1 milkweed1 woodbine and clusters of purple grapes are all worked into the decorations4 ,the young folks learn by previous experiences not to wear perishable finery at the barn dance1 and the girls all come in pretty wash-dresses that will stand a good romp4 ,music is furnished by an old darkey fiddler1 not violinist1 who plays ,money ,musk1 ,fisher's ,hornpipe1 ,ole ,dan ,tucker and any number of plantation melodies4 ,the supper1 of course1 is the best part of the dance to hungry city-bred people4 ,hot coffee is served in bright new tin-cups1 for these young people mimic harvesters2 there is fried chicken1 cold ham1 potato salad1 rolls with golden country butter that melts in one's mouth1 plenty of fresh milk1 pumpkin and apple pie1 with cottage cheese1 ginger cakes and doughnuts1 and even cider for those who wish4 ,the dance is always given during the full harvest moon and the stone wall which bounds the orchard1 the old farm wagons1 the grain bins and even the low apple trees furnish flirtation nooks for lovers4 ,one year the barn dance was also a potato roast4 ,huge fires were built on the lawn1 and during the intermission the crowd gathered around the fires and roasted potatoes4 ,this time1 too1 the dance was made a house party1 and the girls were stowed away in the farmhouse while the boys enjoyed tents and the big haymow4 ,is it any wonder that the pretty hostess' friends call her barn dance the big event of the year8 ,bachelor ,women and their ,entertainments4 ,the bachelor women in their cosy little city apartments1 or even their one apartment1 refuse to be debarred from the pleasure and privilege of giving the little entertainments so dear to the heart feminine4 ,they not only give the most charming little teas and coffees1 but they are past masters in the use of the chafing dish and those who have feasted with them will no longer deem that liveried service and stately rooms are necessary to the proper receiving of one's friends4 ,after all1 the highest hospitality is in giving what one has4 ,hawthorne and his wife never forgot the little ,american studying art in ,rome1 who1 in her tower room1 reached by many flights of stairs1 made tea before their eyes1 and took from a cupboard the cake and crackers that made her feast4 ,neither will the world forget her1 since she it was1 who1 in the ,marble ,faun1 is the ,hulda who fed the doves from the tower4 ,a ,sandwich ,spread4 ,a sandwich spread is another entertainment easily given by a bachelor maid4 ,this is a meal at which everything1 barring the tea and coffee1 is served in the form of a sandwich4 ,not until one has tried does one realize to what excellence and variety this form of viand lends itself4 ,deviled ham sandwiches1 egg sandwiches1 cheese sandwiches1 lettuce sandwiches1 potted ham1 potted fish1 potted cheese sandwiches1 pineapple sandwiches1 peanut sandwiches1 cucumber sandwiches1 tomato sandwiches1 walnut sandwiches1 oyster sandwiches and so on indefinitely4 ,any modern cookbook will furnish the formulas for all these and more4 ,he or she1 says one writer1 who partakes1 forgets the presence of the folding bed and gas stove2 of the curtained china cupboard in friendly proximity to the writing desk or easel4 ,there is no paint on the artist's fingers1 and the newspaper woman wears as pretty a gown as any woman could wish4 ,private ,theatricals4 ,the etiquette of invitations is the same for ,private ,theatricals1 as for musicales4 ,simply substituting the word1 ,theatricals1 ,charades1 or ,tableaux1 whichever it is to be1 in the left hand corner of the card4 ,the same observances as to arranging the seats1 toilettes of the guests1 etc41 are requisite1 and performers should be equally careful not to fail at the last moment in taking their part4 ,in reality they should be more so1 since the failure of one performer might ruin the entire play4 ,a drama entails more expense and care than characters and tableaux4 ,a host or hostess should never take leading part unless it be especially urged upon them by the others1 and even then it is not best1 first1 because the entertainers should never eclipse their guests1 and1 second1 they should be free for a general oversight of the whole affair1 ready to settle disputed points and find missing stage properties4 ,an effort should be made to assign1 as nearly as possible1 acceptable and suitable parts to all4 ,those invited should display willingness to take parts assigned them1 even if not the most important in the cast4 ,all cannot be ,romeos or ,juliets4 ,there are minor parts to play on all stages4 ,learn the part given you thoroughly1 and do your best to make the play a success4 ,if sickness or unavoidable accident intervene1 inform the hostess at once that she may be able to supply a substitute for the part4 ,guests indulge in conversation between the acts1 and the music of an orchestra often fills the pause4 ,a carpenter is usually called in to build the temporary stage1 or a curtain is fitted to rise and fall in the archway between two parlors2 the first parlor being used for the audience room and the second one for stage1 with dressing-room in the rear4 ,a private billiard-room1 also1 can be used to good advantage4 ,at the conclusion of the play1 supper is served1 and social conversation and dancing follow4 ,a ,social ,evening4 ,there are many ways of making pleasant entertainments out of these informal gatherings4 ,such an evening may last from nine to twelve o'clock4 ,where impromptu dancing is resorted to1 as it so often is1 another hour is sometimes added4 ,if dancing be excluded1 games1 music1 cards1 or recitations should take its place4 ,if neither card-playing1 nor dancing is permitted1 the supper usually becomes the feature of the evening4 ,when friends are invited to pass an evening socially with cards and music1 refreshments are always served4 ,they can be placed upon the dining-room table1 and the company invited to partake of them4 ,they should consist of sandwiches or cold meats and rolls1 and cakes and coffee or chocolate1 or only cakes1 ices and lemonade can be served4 ,the best dishes the china closet affords should be used4 ,or1 the supper can be made an elaborate sit-down banquet4 ,if the long table is not sufficient for all1 the guests can be served in relays4 ,the table should be prettily decorated4 ,there are different forms of home parties1 such as birthday celebrations1 where gifts and toasts are in order1 house-warmings1 or a church party4 ,when the supper is served in relays the hostess had better wait until the last table1 and circulate about among those guests who have not yet been served4 ,some appointed lady can serve as hostess at each table4 ,the elder guests should be seated at the first4 ,sometimes small tables are scattered about the rooms to accommodate those who cannot find place at the large table1 thus all are served at once4 ,where neither card-playing nor dancing are indulged in1 it becomes necessary to find some other amusement4 ,impromptu charades are sure to break the ice4 ,a shadow party also1 where any amount of sport can be had with a darkened room and a tightly stretched sheet illuminated from the rear1 whereon shadows can be cast for guessing4 ,there are also a great many interesting games of which enough can be furnished for an entire company4 ,authors' ,parties ,are also amusing entertainments1 but they must be arranged for beforehand4 ,it is usual to take the works of one author and give out the characters to be represented to each one1 that repetitions may be prevented4 ,then the guessing that will follow when the company are all together1 and the conversation that naturally ensues on literary subjects1 ensures the success of the party4 ,firelight ,parties ,are pleasurable affairs4 ,there is no light furnished except by an open fire4 ,the guests sit around in a circle and tell stories4 ,each one is provided with a bunch of twigs1 or fagot to be thrown on the fire1 the guest being expected to sing a song1 tell a story1 give a recitation1 or otherwise amuse the company while his fagot burns4 ,conversaziones4 ,these gatherings1 as the name signifies1 are devoted entirely to conversation1 and are supposed to be chiefly gatherings of literary and scientific people4 ,where one especially fine conversationalist is the star of the evening1 one or two lesser lights should be invited to share with him the honors of the occasion4 ,a ,country ,dinner4 ,a summer dinner in the country has many pleasant features peculiar to itself4 ,chief among these is its lack of formality1 and city guests are always pleasurably entertained at the country dinner table4 ,a good cook and a competent waitress are necessities4 ,the flowers that ornament the table must partake of the field and forest rather than suggest the city hothouse4 ,slender1 light1 glass vases and rose-bowls are best for the light grasses1 field flowers and garden blossoms4 ,pretty1 modern1 inexpensive china is sufficient for a country dinner1 and not too much silverware should be used4 ,light1 clear soups should form the first course 7mock turtle or ox-tail soup is not in order74 ,the roast should be carved away from the table4 ,plenty of fresh vegetables should be prepared1 that being one of the privileges of country life4 ,delightfully fresh salads are also at command of the suburban householder2 and if the dining-room be cool and large1 and therewith the grace be given of a beautiful view1 what greater gift can the gods grant6 ,let the housekeeper forbear to serve hot puddings or heavy pastries4 ,fruit tarts1 the freshest of fruits with great glass pitchers of country cream1 cold custards1 gelatine creams of all kinds and ice cream are always satisfactory2 and many substitute for the heavy roast the lighter dishes of broiled fish1 chicken1 or chops4 ,a cold boiled ham on the sideboard adds another dish to the board4 ,etiquette of ,card ,playing and ,games4 ,there is a certain etiquette to be observed in playing all social games4 ,in card-playing especially this is a necessity4 ,in the first place1 it is the hostess who proposes the game4 ,in the second1 no one who refuses should be urged to join in the amusement4 ,they may have conscientious scruples1 and respect should be shown their principles4 ,unless1 however1 this be the reason1 no one should refuse to play from mere caprice when their presence is required to make up a table4 ,new packs of cards should be provided by the hostess4 ,playing for money1 even the smallest amount1 should be strictly avoided4 ,it is unfit for the home parlor4 ,those who do not understand playing should not join a set unless especially urged1 as their ignorance is apt to spoil the pleasure of the others4 ,the fingers should not be wet to deal the cards4 ,partners should never exchange signs4 ,let every one play his best and not act indifferent to the game4 ,do not talk on all manner of topics2 it disturbs those who enjoy the game4 ,do not criticise1 nor hurry other players4 ,never lose temper over a game4 ,to cheat is extremely ill-bred4 ,if you have a poor partner manifest no annoyance4 ,never reflect upon the playing of your opponents4 ,those who have played together so much that they understand one another's play should not be partners in general company4 ,never manifest anger at defeat1 nor undue exultation at winning4 ,these rules1 many of them1 apply to all other social games1 both outdoors and in4 ,outdoor ,amusements4 ,coaching parties are delightful4 ,they give much latitude for gay1 pretty costumes1 and there are few brighter pictures than that of a tally-ho coach as it dashes along the city boulevards and over the country roads to the music of jingling chains and winding horns4 ,illustration3 ,,outdoor ,,sports4 ,appetites are sharpened by the long drive1 and hampers must be well packed with substantial viands4 ,potted meats1 all manner of sandwiches1 game pies1 cold birds1 and substantial beef and tongue1 will be sure of appreciation4 7,see ,dress1 etc41 for suitable attire47 ,hunting ,parties4 ,hunting is very little favored by ladies on this side the water1 though it is occasionally indulged in by a few4 ,the enthusiasm1 however1 of a ride to hounds is much dampened by the knowledge that an anise-seed bag1 instead of a fox1 furnishes the scent over which the hounds give eager tongue4 ,those who attempt to hunt must be at home in the saddle4 7,see ,dress1 etc41 for appropriate attire47 ,archery1 ,lawn ,tennis and ,croquet4 ,these popular games have their own etiquette1 rules1 dress1 etc41 so thoroughly established that all devotees of these sports understand the routine without giving it place here4 ,never dispute1 or show any temper over the outcome of any game4 ,boating and ,yachting4 ,many ladies are quite expert with the oars1 and boating1 when not overdone1 is a healthful and pleasant amusement4 ,when gentlemen are with a party of ladies1 one of them should step in the boat to steady it1 while another assists the ladies in4 ,see that their dress is so arranged that they will not get wet4 ,inexperienced rowers should learn before joining a party4 ,the stroke oar is the seat of honor4 ,it may be offered to a guest4 ,ladies should wear short dresses1 free from encumbering draperies1 heavy shoes1 and a hat with a broad brim4 ,heavy gloves1 if they intend rowing1 should be worn4 ,yachting is a delightful and rather dangerous amusement4 ,ladies wear warm wool dresses that water will not injure1 made short in the skirt1 and jaunty of cut1 with sailor-like emblems for adornment4 ,no young lady should go out alone with a gentleman either yachting or rowing4 ,in yachting especially a boat is sometimes becalmed for hours and even all night4 ,a party composed entirely of young people should have a chaperon4 ,children's ,parties4 ,the celebration of children's birthdays and other little anniversaries by means of parties1 is a pleasant custom and one worthy of observance4 ,such red-letter days are long remembered by the little ones4 ,the invitations are issued in the children's own names1 and may be written or engraved4 ,usually they are written upon small note sheets and enclosed in small envelopes4 ,if the invitation is for a ,christmas-tree1 or an ,easter-egg hunt1 a tiny tree1 or a colored egg1 may ornament one corner of the sheet4 ,the form varies hardly at all3 ,miss ,,gertrude ,,hall requests the pleasure of ,miss ,,clara ,,winship',s company1 on ,wednesday1 ,june twentieth4 ,from three until five o'clock4 #c ,madison ,avenue4 ,these invitations should be carefully and promptly answered in the same form as given and in the third person4 7,see ,invitations1 etc47 ,this teaches the little host or hostess the gravity of their position as entertainers1 and impresses the little guests with the importance of their behavior4 ,also giving them an early lesson in the etiquette of social life4 ,if it is a birthday party1 a birthday cake will be the chief feature1 and it is a pretty fancy to have it decorated with as many tiny wax candles as there are years in the child's life in whose honor the party is given4 ,these tapers may be placed around the cake1 or put in tin tubes and sunk into the top of the cake4 ,light them just before the little guests are called out to the table4 ,at the close of the supper the child whose birthday it is1 blows out the candles1 and1 if old enough1 cuts the cake and passes it4 ,presents are sometimes brought by the guests1 but it is not best to encourage this fashion4 ,dancing or games may follow the supper1 and older persons should constantly superintend the amusements to see that the merriment does not flag1 nor the little folks become too boisterous4 ,at an ,easter party1 dainty little egg-shaped boxes1 filled with bon-bons1 may be placed at each plate1 or else hidden in a room from which the lighter articles of furniture have been removed1 and the children permitted to search for them4 ,the hunt is the chief pleasure4 ,if it is a ,christmas party the tree is the source of interest1 and often a make-believe ,santa ,claus adds to the merriment of the occasion4 ,the refreshments should be simple but fanciful4 ,make the table bright as possible--snowballs1 cornucopias1 lady-fingers1 assorted cakes1 love-knots1 sandwiches 7fancy71 crystalized fruits1 tarts1 sliced tongue1 pressed veal1 thin bread and butter1 rolled and tied1 ice cream in molds1 and one large heavily-frosted cake4 ,a host of flowers1 and the table is complete4 ,lemonade for a drink1 or perhaps hot chocolate4 ,the good breeding learned1 the opportunities of impressing upon children the beauty of self-denial and politeness1 and of teaching them to dispense1 and to receive hospitalities1 and to restrain that tendency toward favoring certain playmates1 so strong in childhood1 will more than repay for the trouble of preparing the feast4 ,never permit the party to extend to late hours1 and never overdress the little folks4 ,white is always suitable for girls1 and jacket suits for boys under the age for long trousers4 ,illustration ,christenings1 ,confirmations and ,graduations4 ,illustration ,announcement ,cards are frequently sent out to all friends immediately upon the arrival of a little heir or heiress4 ,these cards are variously worded4 ,one seen by the writer was as follows3 ,,arrived3 ,in ,los ,gatos1 ,sunday morning1 ,november third1 eighteen hundred and ninety-five1 ,,florence ,,wescott4 ,weight1 ten pounds2 blue eyes and sound lungs4 ,she sends greeting to all her friends4 ,a simpler one would be3 ,,greeting3 ,,edith ,,may ,,toucey1 ,november #a1 #ahie4 ,weight1 #i-a_/b pounds4 ,these cards received 7or even if they are omitted71 the lady friends and acquaintances call and leave cards with kind inquires or send them by a servant4 ,gentlemen do not call1 but they are expected to see the happy father and inquire after mother and child4 ,when the mother is ready to receive friends she sends out cards to all that have called with thanks for kind inquiries1 written beneath her name1 or issues invitations for a candle or christening party4 ,the ,christening4 ,the baptism or christening is performed according to the rites of whatever church the parents may be members of4 ,if the ceremony is performed in church1 personal fancy has very little play1 though it is almost a law that flowers shall cluster about the place where little ones are brought for dedication4 ,if the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house they may take whatever form is most agreeable4 ,when the christening is held at the house and guests are invited1 it is customary to defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of hostess2 usually until the child is a month or six weeks old4 ,invitations are issued for an afternoon or early evening reception4 ,they may be written or engraved1 and are issued in the name of both parents1 thus3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,james ,,gray request the pleasure of your presence at the ,christening of their son at half-past four o'clock1 ,wednesday1 ,may tenth4 #ab ,madison ,avenue4 ,or3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,thurston request the honor of ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,brown',s presence at the ,christening of their daughter on ,thursday1 ,may #aath1 at three o'clock4 ,reception from two to five1 #aej ,delaware ,place4 ,sometimes the words1 ,no presents expected1 are added to the invitation4 ,attendance at the ,ceremony4 ,these invitations are promptly answered1 and those who attend should wear a reception dress4 ,the solemnity of the occasion should be recognized by the appearance1 previous to the hour named1 of all who expect to be present4 ,those who cannot be in time to witness the ceremony should defer their arrival until a sufficient time has elapsed to allow of its completion4 ,a temporary font is placed in a central position4 ,this is best arranged by banking up the top of a small round table with mosses1 smilax and delicate ferns1 while the top1 outside the rim of the bowl holding the china basin containing the water1 is a mass of white flowers4 ,the drawing-room may be decorated with blossoms1 and vocal or instrumental music is usually provided4 ,hired musicians are sometimes engaged4 ,see that the selections are suitable to the sacred character of the occasion4 ,friends are sometimes asked to give two or three vocal selections4 ,at the appointed time the father and mother stand before the clergyman at the font and receive their child from the nurse or some friend2 the godparents range themselves on either side1 and the clergyman proceeds with the service4 ,if the parents are able1 the clergyman is usually given a handsome fee on these occasions4 ,congratulations are offered the father and mother1 and the baby1 robed elaborately1 then becomes the center of attraction for a few moments1 until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which is bountifully spread as for a reception4 ,a toast in the child's honor is often given at this time by one of the sponsors4 ,guests shortly disperse4 ,after calls are made1 or cards left1 within ten days4 ,sometimes relatives only are invited to these parties4 ,when the christening is held in church1 the party is set for some hour of the same day4 ,godfathers and ,godmothers4 ,in selecting godparents or sponsors1 relatives are often given precedence and very close friends come next4 ,be careful in the choice1 as from these godparents is to be expected much good counsel and kindly aid in the future4 ,in all old countries this relationship is expected to last for a lifetime1 and the godparents are supposed to watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time he is brought forward for confirmation1 or for union with the church in some other manner4 ,a boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother2 a girl one godfather and two godmothers4 ,a note is sent to each person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly office4 ,this request should never be refused except for good and sufficient reason4 ,godparents usually make a present to the child1 generally in the form of some suitable silver article4 ,among the very wealthy1 especially if the child bears the godfather's name1 very valuable presents are often made1 these generally taking the form of checks for large amounts4 ,candle ,party4 ,the modern candle party is given when the child is about six weeks old1 and is quite a separate affair from the christening1 the church having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the same time4 ,candle parties1 simply in the nature of a name-festival1 are frequently given when the christening is not observed4 ,invitations are sent out one week in advance1 and are in the following form3 ,,mr4 and ,,mrs4 ,,brown request your company1 ,wednesday afternoon1 at three4 ,,candle4 #abe ,vancouver ,street4 ,no presents expected4 ,the words1 no presents1 need not prevent any who wish from making a gift1 but relieves those who may not be prepared4 ,the phrase1 ,candle ,party1 is somewhat difficult to define1 but the name and the custom have come down from olden times4 ,it used then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratulations on the arrival of a little stranger1 with a kind of spiced gruel1 flavored with rum or ,madeira1 and known as candle4 ,this was served in china cups having two handles1 so they could be passed from one to another4 ,these were called candle cups1 and are much prized heirlooms in more than one old family4 ,this ceremony was then observed when the child was three days old2 now the candle party is celebrated when it is at least six weeks old4 ,the mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown1 the baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time1 and the guests are served with candle in the form of an oatmeal gruel1 long and slowly boiled with raisins and spices1 and fine old ,madeira or rum added at the last until the beverage is to the ,queen's taste4 ,christening ,gifts4 ,when the announcement cards of a baby's birth are sent out1 very many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making a present to the new arrival4 ,this is not a new social custom1 for its origin goes back to the time of the ,chaldean shepherds1 when wise men of the ,east journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts of frankincense and myrrh4 ,the most sensible plan in this case1 and1 in fact1 in all gift making1 is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the giver4 ,if the parental purse is a little slim1 gifts that are useful are generally the best to give4 ,dainty gowns1 embroidered flannels1 coach rugs1 things that every baby needs4 ,the least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use1 are the lace pin1 shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold4 ,three pins connected by delicate gold chains are very much in demand1 and a studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty4 ,the dear little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been favorites4 ,one exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was recently presented to a girl4 ,each of her father's groomsmen sent a five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith1 who melted them down and transformed them into a gold chain and locket4 ,the locket bore the monogram of the baby and the initial letter of each groomsman's name4 ,dainty ,presents for the ,newcomer4 ,another tiny new woman received from her grandmother a spoon which was made of little bits of silver melted down4 ,a silver piece taken from the pocket of a dead aunt1 two or three bits left in the purse of the grandfather1 who had died2 a bit of a broken spoon used by the baby's own mamma--these and other souvenirs of the family history made the gift spoon something far out of the ordinary4 ,one of the most magnificent and costly gifts in silver that is given to the baby is the entire food set1 consisting of plate1 bowl1 pitcher1 knife and fork1 spoon and napkin ring4 ,these sets come in cases and range in prices ordinarily from #ej to #aej1 though some very elaborate ones may be ordered which go far into the hundreds4 ,a very pretty and surely most interesting gift that could be sent to a baby is a baby diary in which the principal events of the little one's life can be entered by the mother and kept in after years as a record of those marvelously interesting days of babyhood4 ,a certain very sensible woman usually deposits a small sum of money in ,transcriber's ,note3 a bank and presents the bank book to her little new friend1 thus laying the foundation for future habits of economy and thrift4 ,some ,birthday ,superstitions4 ,monday's child is fair of face4 ,tuesday's child is full of grace4 ,wednesday's child is born for woe4 ,thursday's child has far to go4 ,friday's child is loving and giving4 ,saturday's child must work for a living4 ,but the child that is born on the ,sabbath day1 ,is bonny and happy and wealthy and gay4 ,,confirmation4 ,in the ,episcopal1 ,lutheran and ,roman ,catholic churches1 ,confirmation is the sequel of baptism4 ,here comes in one of the duties of the godparents1 and should the child become orphaned1 or should its parents by reason of carelessness1 or irreligion1 neglect this important matter1 the church holds the godparents in a large measure responsible that these children be brought before the ,bishop for confirmation4 ,some weeks prior to the arrival of the ,bishop1 persons desirous of admission to the church present their names to the clergymen1 and classes are formed of instruction and preparation for the solemn event4 ,the ceremony of the confirmation service is in accordance with the forms of the church in which it is observed4 ,the only uniformity being in the garb of the young candidates4 ,this for the girls is always gowns of purest white1 with gloves and shoes to match4 ,white bound prayer-books should be carried1 and in the ,roman ,catholic and the ,lutheran churches white veils and wreaths crown the young heads4 ,for the youths1 black suits1 black ties and gloves are the proper thing4 ,,graduation4 ,with the important event of graduation ends the three great ceremonies of youth4 ,the church and the school have both set their seal upon the young man and maiden1 and the business world and the social world are waiting to receive them4 ,in the matter of dress for this important event1 the young man is supposed to confine himself to conventional black with white tie4 ,the young girl is usually in white1 with gloves1 shoes1 hose and fan to match4 ,this1 however1 depends upon the taste of the class1 as they expect to dress alike1 and often select some other delicate shade of color for the class costume4 ,avoid all ,extravagance4 ,there is one thing to be remembered--that is1 that too much extravagance should not be displayed in the selection and adornments of the gown for the occasion4 ,in the first place1 simplicity is the prerogative of youth4 ,in the second1 it is bad taste to overload a young schoolgirl with expensive materials and lavish ornaments4 ,in the third1 there will always be found in every graduating class one or more students to whose purse the expenses incident upon the school course have been a heavy drain1 and to whom compliance with the style of dress worn by other members of the class will mean a serious strain upon the home exchequer1 or the incurring of a debt for the future1 while to dress as their purse affords requires more self-denial than an outsider realizes4 ,the slights1 the sneers of insolent classmates have driven more than one sensitive soul to solitude and tears1 and clouded what should have been the bright beginning of life with sorrow and anger4 ,directors of schools have more than once striven to do away with this abuse of the occasion by prescribing the dress to be worn1 but with poor success1 since sumptuary laws are not kindly received in this free country4 ,now1 the remedy lies in the hands of the girls themselves1 and with their parents4 ,let it be once understood that such a display is the mark of social parvenus1 of the newly-rich1 and the custom will cease to exist4 ,friends bring flowers to the place of graduation which are sent up1 either by the ushers1 who are chosen among intimates of the classmates1 or by tiny boys dressed as pages4 ,these floral offerings have come to be so extensive that the stage is often banked with the beautiful blossoms4 ,here1 too1 is another abuse4 ,to those who have few friends1 and less money1 the absence of these remembrances is often so marked as to cause many a heartache4 ,cards with the donor's name and the words1 ,congratulations1 or ,graduation ,congratulations1 penned in one corner1 are tied with narrow ribbons to these gifts4 ,presents of a more substantial nature are also sent up2 books1 watches1 jewels1 etc41 and have a more lasting remembrance than the fleeting blossoms4 ,one of the prettiest floral gifts seen on an occasion of graduation was a graceful ship1 white sailed1 and lovely1 all of fragrant flowers1 and full freighted with the hopes and prayers for the young legal graduate1 who was sole son of the house4 ,carriages convey the graduates to and from the hall1 and a class reception is supposed to finish the long round of the gaieties of ,class ,week4 ,illustration ,etiquette of ,funerals and ,mourning ,illustration ,the great sorrow brought upon a family by the death of a loved one renders the immediate members of the family incapable of attending to the necessary arrangements for the funeral4 ,the services of an intimate friend1 or a relative1 should1 therefore1 be sought4 ,he should receive general instructions from the family1 after which he should take entire charge of the arrangements1 and relieve them from all care on the subject4 ,if such a person cannot be had1 the arrangements may be placed in the hands of the sexton of the church the deceased attended in life1 or of some responsible undertaker4 ,the expenses of the funeral should be in accordance with the means of the family4 ,no false pride should permit the relatives to incur undue expense in order to make a showy funeral4 ,at the same time1 affection will dictate that all the marks of respect which you can provide should be paid to the memory of your beloved dead4 ,funeral ,invitations4 ,in some parts of the country it is customary to send notes of invitation to the funeral to the friends of the deceased and of the family4 ,these invitations should be printed1 neatly and simply1 on mourning paper1 with envelopes to match1 and should be delivered by a private messenger4 ,the following is a correct form1 the names and dates to be changed to suit the occasion3 ,yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of ,,david ,b4 ,,jones1 on ,tuesday1 ,march #ah1 #ahi-1 at #aa o'clock ,a4,m41 from his late residence1 #aibf ,amber ,street1 to proceed to ,laurel ,hill ,cemetery4 ,where the funeral is from a church1 the invitation should read3 ,yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of ,,david ,b4 ,,jones1 from the ,church of the ,holy ,trinity1 on ,tuesday1 ,march #ah1 #ahi-1 at #aa o'clock ,a4,m41 to proceed to ,laurel ,hill ,cemetery4 ,where such invitations are sent1 a list of persons so invited must be given to the person in charge of the funeral1 in order that he may provide a sufficient number of carriages4 ,no one to whom an invitation has not been sent should attend such a funeral1 nor should those invited permit anything but an important duty to prevent their attendance4 ,when the funeral is at the house1 some near relative or intimate friend should act as usher1 and show the company to their seats4 ,showing ,respect for the ,dead4 ,preserve a decorous silence in the chamber of death--speak as little as possible1 and then only in low1 subdued tones4 ,the members of the family are not obliged to recognize their acquaintances4 ,the latter show their sympathy by their presence and considerate silence4 ,as the coffin is borne from the house to the hearse1 gentlemen who may be standing at the door or in the street remove their hats1 and remain uncovered until it is placed in the hearse4 ,the pall-bearers should be chosen from among the intimate friends of the deceased1 and should correspond to him in age and general character4 ,with regard to sending flowers1 the wishes of the family should be considered4 ,if you are uncertain upon this point1 it is safe to send them4 ,they should be simple and tasteful4 ,letters of condolence are sent to those in bereavement by their intimate friends4 ,we append a few forms that will be helpful to all persons who wish to express their sympathy with the bereaved4 ,to a ,lady on the ,death of her ,husband4 ,,cleveland1 ,o41 ,june #f1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,walrod3 ,though ,i know that no words of mine can bring comfort to your sorely tried heart1 yet ,i can not refrain from writing to you to express my deep and heartfelt sympathy in your affliction4 ,knowing your husband as intimately as ,i did1 ,i can understand what a blow his death is to you4 ,he was a man whose place will not be easily filled in the world2 how impossible to fill it in his home6 ,you are1 even in your loss1 fortunate in this4 ,he left behind him a name unsullied1 and which should be a priceless legacy to his children and to you4 ,his life was so pure and his ,christian faith so undoubted1 that we may feel the blessed assurance that he has gone to the home prepared for those who love and faithfully serve the ,lord ,jesus4 ,this should comfort you4 ,you have the hope of meeting him one day in a better and a happier union than the ties that bound you here on earth4 ,he waits for you1 and reunited there1 you will know no more parting4 ,i pray ,god to temper your affliction and give you strength to endure it4 ,may ,he1 in ,his own good time1 give you the peace that will enable you to wait with patience until ,he shall call you to meet your loved one in heaven4 ,sincerely yours1 ,,walter ,,bailey4 ,,mrs4 ,,lydia ,,walrod1 ,new ,york4 ,to a ,friend on the ,death of ,her ,sister4 ,,geneva1 ,n4,y41 ,may #d1 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,nellie3 ,the melancholy intelligence of your sister's death has grieved me more than ,i can express1 and ,i beg to render you my heartfelt sympathy4 ,truly we live in a world where solemn shadows are continually falling upon our path--shadows that teach us the insecurity of all temporal blessings1 and warn us that here there is no abiding place4 ,we have1 however the blessed satisfaction of knowing that death cannot enter that sphere to which the departed are removed4 ,let hope and faith1 my dear friend1 mingle with your natural sorrow4 ,look to that future where the sundered ties of earth are reunited4 ,very sincerely yours1 ,,sarah ,,clark4 ,to ,,miss ,,nellie ,,barton1 ,no4 #d ,beacon ,place1 ,boston4 ,to a ,friend on the ,death of ,his ,brother4 ,,chicago1 ,july #ab #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,mr4 ,,ames3 ,in the death of your brother1 you have sustained a misfortune which all who had the pleasure of knowing him can feelingly estimate4 ,i condole with you most sincerely on the sad event1 and if the sympathy of friends can be any consolation under the trying circumstance1 be assured that all who knew him share in your sorrow for his loss4 ,there is1 however1 a higher source of consolation than earthly friendship1 and1 commending you to that1 ,i remain1 ,yours sincerely1 ,,jerome ,c4 ,,hoover4 ,g4,h4 ,,ames1 ,st4 ,louis4 ,to a ,friend on the ,death of ,her ,child4 ,,atlanta1 ,ga41 ,november #ag1 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,blanche3 ,i feel that a mother's sorrow for the loss of a beloved child cannot be assuaged by the commonplaces of condolence1 yet ,i must write a few lines to assure you of my heartfelt sympathy in your grief4 ,there is one thing1 however1 that should soften the sharpness of a mother's agony under such a bereavement4 ,it is the reflection that little children are pure and guileless1 and that of such is the kingdom of heaven4 ,it is well with the child4 ,much sin and woe has it escaped4 ,it is treasure laid up in a better world1 and the gate through which it has passed to peace and joy unspeakable is left open so that you1 in due time1 may follow4 ,let this be your consolation4 ,affectionately yours1 ,,maud ,,trowbridge4 ,to ,,mrs4 ,,blanche ,,norton1 ,new ,haven1 ,conn4 ,to a ,friend on a ,sudden ,reverse of ,fortune4 ,,louisville1 ,ky41 ,june #e1 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,friend3 ,hackneyed phrases of condolence never yet comforted a man in the hour of trouble1 and ,i am not going to try their effect in your case4 ,and yet let me say1 in heartfelt earnest1 that ,i was deeply pained to hear of your sudden and unexpected reverse of fortune4 ,misfortune is very hard to bear1 when it falls upon one1 like a flash of lightning from a clear sky1 without any warning4 ,but do not be discouraged4 ,when ,senator ,benton saw the work of many years consumed in ten minutes1 he took the matter coolly1 went to work again1 and lived long enough to repair the damage4 ,so ,i hope will you4 ,there is no motto like try again1 for those whom fate has stricken down4 ,besides1 there are better things than wealth even in this world1 to say nothing of the next1 where we shall neither buy nor sell4 ,if ,i can be of any assistance to you1 let me know it1 and ,i will help you as far as ,i am able4 ,in the meantime1 cheer up1 and believe me as ever1 ,yours sincerely1 ,,james ,,sterling4 ,h4,r4 ,,drayton1 ,covington1 ,ky4 ,illustration3 ,,she ,,entered ,,on ,,untroubled ,,rest4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,public ,,places ,illustration ,there is no surer mark of a well-bred man or woman than proper and dignified conduct in public4 ,the truly polite are always quiet1 unobtrusive1 considerate of others1 and careful to avoid all manifestations of superiority or elegance4 ,loud and boisterous talking1 immoderate laughing and forward and pushing conduct are always marks of bad breeding4 ,they inevitably subject a person to the satirical remarks of the persons with whom he is thrown1 and are perhaps the surest means of proclaiming that such a person is not used to the ways of polite society4 ,etiquette in ,church4 ,it is the duty of a well-bred person to attend church regularly on ,sunday4 ,in entering the church you should pass quietly and deliberately to your pew or seat4 ,walking rapidly up the aisle is sure to disturb the congregation4 ,if you are a stranger1 wait in the lower part of the aisle until the sexton or ushers show you a seat1 or you are invited to enter some pew4 ,a gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters the inner doors of the church1 and should not replace it on his head after service until he has reached the outer vestibule4 ,in accompanying a lady to church1 pass up the aisle by her side1 open the pew door for her1 allow her to enter first1 and then enter and seat yourself beside her4 ,should a lady desire to enter a pew in which you are sitting next the door1 rise1 step out into the aisle1 and allow her to enter4 ,once in church1 observe the most respectful silence except when joining in the worship4 ,whispering or laughing before the service begins1 or during service1 is highly improper4 ,when the worship is over1 leave the sacred edifice quietly and deliberately4 ,you may chat with your friends in the vestibule1 but not in the hall of worship4 ,remember1 the church is the house of ,god4 ,should you see a stranger standing in the aisle1 unnoticed by the sexton or usher1 quietly invite him into your pew4 ,you should see that a stranger in your pew is provided with the books necessary to enable him to join in the service4 ,if he does not know how to use them1 assist him as quietly as possible4 ,where there are not books enough for the separate use of each person1 you may share yours with an occupant of your pew4 ,in attending a church of a different denomination from your own you should carefully observe the outward forms of worship4 ,stand up when the congregation do1 and kneel with them4 ,a ,protestant attending a ,roman ,catholic church should be careful to do this4 ,it involves no sacrifice of principle1 and a failure to do so is a mark of bad breeding4 ,whatever the denomination1 the church is devoted to the worship of ,god4 ,your reverence is to ,him--not to the ministers who conduct the worship4 ,to be late at church is an offence against good manners4 ,gentlemen will not congregate in groups in front of a church1 and stare at the ladies as they pass out4 ,in receiving the ,holy ,communion both hands should be ungloved4 ,etiquette of ,fairs4 ,fairs are generally given in aid of a church or some charitable purpose4 ,at such fairs ladies serve the tables at which articles are offered for sale4 ,ladies should not use unfair or unladylike means to sell their wares4 ,do not importune a gentleman to buy of you2 and do not charge an extortionate price for a trifling article4 ,a young man may not have the courage to refuse to buy of a lady acquaintance2 but his purchase may be beyond his means1 and may involve him in serious embarrassment4 ,visitors to a fair should make no comments upon the character or quality of the articles offered1 unless they can offer sincere praise4 ,do not dispute the price of an article offered for sale4 ,if you cannot afford to buy it1 decline it frankly4 ,if you can1 pay the sum asked1 although you may think it exorbitant1 and make no comment4 ,a gentleman must remove his hat upon entering the room in which a fair is held1 although it be a public hall1 and remain uncovered while in the room4 ,flirting1 loud or boisterous talking or laughing1 and conspicuous conduct1 are marks of bad breeding4 ,when a purchaser offers a sum larger than the price asked for the article1 return the change promptly4 ,some thoughtless young ladies consider it a stroke of business to retain the whole amount1 knowing that a gentleman will not insist upon the return of the change4 ,to do this is simply to be guilty of an act of gross ill-breeding4 ,a lady may accept any donation of money a gentleman may wish to make at her table4 ,the gift is to the charity1 not to her2 and the gentleman pays her a delicate compliment in making her the means of increasing the receipts of the fair4 ,etiquette of ,shopping4 ,in visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making purchases1 conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability4 ,speak to the clerks and employs of the store with courtesy and kindness4 ,do not order them to show you anything4 ,request them to do so in a polite and ladylike or gentlemanly manner4 ,give them no more trouble than is necessary1 and express your thanks for the attentions they may show you4 ,in leaving their counter1 say pleasantly1 ,good-morning1 or ,good-day4 ,by treating the employs of a store with courtesy1 you will render your presence there1 welcome1 and will receive all the attention such conduct merits4 ,should you find another person examining a piece of goods1 do not take hold of it4 ,wait until it is laid down1 and then make your examination4 ,to attempt to beat down the price of an article is rude4 ,in the best conducted stores the price of the goods is fixed1 and the salesmen are not allowed to change it4 ,if the price does not suit you1 you are not obliged to buy1 but can go elsewhere4 ,pushing or crowding at a counter1 or the indulgence in personal remarks1 handling the goods in a careless manner1 or so roughly as to injure them1 lounging upon the counter1 or talking in a loud voice1 are marks of bad breeding4 ,never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing1 unless asked to do so4 ,to say to a customer about to make a purchase that the article can be bought cheaper at another store1 is to offer a gratuitous insult to the clerk making the sale4 ,you should never ask or expect a clerk engaged in waiting upon a customer to leave that person and attend to you4 ,wait patiently for your turn4 ,it is rude to make unfavorable comparisons between the goods you are examining and those of another store4 ,have your parcels sent1 and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them4 ,it is best to buy for cash4 ,you can always buy cheaper in this way4 ,if you make bills1 however1 pay them promptly4 ,make no bill you are not sure of paying at the time promised by you4 ,avoid debt as the greatest curse of life4 ,etiquette of the ,theatre1 ,opera and ,concert4 ,a gentleman1 desiring a lady to accompany him to the opera1 theatre1 or other place of amusement1 must send her a written invitation not later than the day previous to the entertainment4 ,it must be written in the third person1 upon white note-paper of the best quality1 with an envelope to match4 ,the lady must send her reply immediately1 so that should she be unable to accept1 the gentleman may secure another companion4 ,should the lady accept the invitation1 the gentleman must secure the best seats within his means4 ,to ask a lady to accompany you to a place of amusement1 and incur the risk of being obliged to stand during the performance1 is to be inexcusably rude to her4 ,should the demand for seats be so great that you cannot secure them1 inform her at once1 and propose another occasion when you can make this provision for her comfort4 ,in entering the hall in which the entertainment is given1 a gentleman should walk by the side of the lady until the seat is reached4 ,if the width of the aisle is not sufficient to allow this1 he should precede her4 ,as a rule1 he should take the outer seat2 but if this is the best for seeing or hearing1 it belongs to the lady4 ,the habit of leaving ladies alone during the waits1 and going out to get a drink1 or to speak to a friend1 is indicative of bad manners4 ,a gentleman escorting a lady to a place of amusement is bound to remain by her side to the end of the entertainment4 ,between the ,acts4 ,at the opera it is customary for ladies and gentlemen to leave their seats1 and promenade in the lobbies or foyer of the house during the intervals between the acts4 ,the gentleman should always invite the lady to do so4 ,should she decline1 he is bound to remain with her4 ,a gentleman accompanying a lady is not bound to give up his seat to another lady4 ,his duty is solely to the lady he accompanies4 ,he cannot tell at what moment she may need his services1 and must remain where she can command them4 ,it is rude to whisper or talk during a performance4 ,it is discourteous to the performers1 and annoying to those of the audience around you1 who desire to enjoy the entertainment4 ,to seek to draw attention to yourself at a place of amusement is simply vulgar4 ,it is in especial bad taste for lovers to indulge in any affectionate demonstrations at such places4 ,a gentleman must see that the lady accompanying him is provided with a programme4 ,if at the opera1 he must also provide her with a libretto4 ,applause is the just due of the deserving actor1 and should be given liberally4 ,applaud by clapping the hands1 and not by stamping or kicking with the feet4 ,upon escorting the lady back to her home1 the gentleman should ask permission to call upon her the next day1 which request she should grant4 ,she should1 in her own sweet way1 cause him to feel that he has conferred a genuine pleasure upon her by his invitation4 ,a gentleman who can afford it should always provide a carriage on such occasions4 ,if his means do not permit this1 he should not embarrass himself by assuming the expense4 ,if the evening be stormy1 he should not expect the lady to venture out without a carriage4 ,a gentleman should call at the lady's house in full time to allow them to reach their destination before the commencement of the entertainment4 ,illustration ,,walking1 ,,riding1 ,,boating1 ,,driving4 ,illustration ,your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified4 ,loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness are improper in public1 especially in a lady4 ,when walking on the street do not permit yourself to be so absent-minded as to fail to recognize your friends4 ,walk erect and with dignity1 and do not go along reading a book or a newspaper4 ,should you stop to speak to a friend1 withdraw to the side of the walk with him1 that you may not interrupt the passing of others4 ,should your friend have a stranger with him1 apologize to the stranger for the interruption4 ,you must never leave your friend with whom you are walking to speak to another without first asking him to excuse you4 ,in walking with a lady on the street1 give her the inner side of the walk1 unless the outside is the safer part1 in which case she is entitled to it4 ,your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative1 or a very old lady1 during the day1 unless her comfort or safety require it4 ,at night the arm should always be offered2 also in ascending the steps of a public building4 ,a gentleman should accommodate his walk to that of a lady1 or an elderly or delicate person4 ,when a lady with whom a gentleman is walking wishes to enter a store1 he should open the door1 permit her to pass in first1 if practicable1 follow her1 and close the door4 ,he should always ring door bells or rap at a door for her4 ,a gentleman should never pass in front of a lady1 unless absolutely necessary1 and should then apologize for so doing4 ,should a lady ask information of a gentleman on the street1 he must raise his hat1 bow1 and give the desired information4 ,if unable to do so1 he must bow and courteously express his regrets4 ,in crossing the street1 a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle with one hand4 ,to raise the dress with both hands is vulgar1 except in places where the mud is very deep4 ,a gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission4 ,it may not be agreeable to her1 or convenient that her most intimate friend should join her4 ,she has the right1 after granting such permission1 to excuse herself and leave the gentleman whenever she may see fit2 and a gentleman will never take offense at the exercise of such a right4 ,if it is inconvenient for a lady to accept the gentleman's company1 she should frankly say so1 mentioning some reason1 and excusing herself with friendly courtesy4 ,gentlemen give place to ladies1 and to gentlemen accompanying ladies1 in crossing the street4 ,if you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street1 however intimate you may be1 do not stop her1 but turn round and walk in company2 you can take leave at the end of the street4 ,etiquette of the ,street4 ,when you are passing in the street1 and see coming toward you a person of your acquaintance1 whether a lady or an elderly person1 you should offer them the wall--that is to say1 the side next the houses4 ,if a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses1 beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers1 with a view to get by more expeditiously4 ,wait your turn1 and1 if any of the persons before mentioned come up1 you should edge up to the wall1 in order to give them the place4 ,they also1 as they pass1 should bow politely to you4 ,when two gentlemen accompany a lady in a walk1 she should place herself between them1 and not unduly favor either4 ,a gentleman meeting a lady friend accompanied by another gentleman should not join her unless satisfied that his presence is agreeable to both parties4 ,a lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark4 ,by so doing she compromises her dignity1 and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class4 ,when a lady passes the evening with a friend1 she should make arrangements beforehand for some one to come for her at a stated hour4 ,if this cannot be done1 or if the escort fails to come1 she should courteously ask the host to permit a servant to accompany her home4 ,a married lady may1 if circumstances render it necessary1 return home alone4 ,an unmarried lady should never do so4 ,should your host offer to accompany you himself1 decline his offer1 politely stating that you do not wish to give him so much trouble2 but should he insist upon it1 accept his escort4 ,in the case of a married lady1 the husband should always come for her4 ,he is an ill-bred fellow who refuses to render his wife such attention4 ,a lady1 upon arriving at her home1 should always dismiss her escort with thanks4 ,a gentleman should not enter the house1 although invited by the lady to do so1 unless for some especial reason4 ,evading a ,long ,talk4 ,never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark gloves as you may soil her white ones4 ,if1 when on your way to fulfil an engagement1 a friend stops you in the street1 you may1 without committing any breach of etiquette1 tell him of your appointment1 and release yourself from a long talk2 but do so in a courteous manner1 expressing regret for the necessity4 ,a lady does not form acquaintances upon the street1 or seek to attract the attention of the other sex1 or of persons of her own sex4 ,her conduct is always modest and unassuming4 ,neither does a lady demand services or favors from gentlemen4 ,she accepts them graciously1 always expressing her thanks4 ,a gentleman will not stand on the street corners1 or in hotel doorways1 or club windows1 and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by4 ,this is the exclusive business of loafers1 upon which well-bred men will not trespass4 ,do not shout to your acquaintances from the opposite side of the street4 ,bow1 or wave your hand1 or make any courteous motion2 but do it quietly and with dignity4 ,if you wish to speak to them1 cross the street1 signalling to them your desire4 ,a lady walking with two gentlemen should not take an arm of each2 neither should a gentleman walk with a lady on each arm1 unless at night1 in coming from a place of amusement or passing through a crowd4 ,in walking with a lady who has your arm1 should you have to cross the street1 do not disengage your arm and go around upon the outside unless the lady's comfort renders it necessary4 ,in walking with a lady1 where it is necessary for you to proceed singly1 always go before her4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,riding4 ,the etiquette of riding is very exact and important4 ,remember that your left when in the saddle is called the near-side1 and your right the off-side1 and that you always mount on the near-side4 ,in doing this1 put your left foot in the stirrup2 your left hand on the saddle2 then1 as you take a spring1 throw your right leg over the animal's back4 ,remember1 also1 that the rule of the road1 both in riding and driving1 is1 that you keep to the right4 ,never appear in public on horseback unless you have mastered the inelegancies attending a first appearance in the saddle1 which you should do at a riding-school4 ,a novice makes an exhibition of himself1 and brings ridicule on his friends4 ,having got a seat by a little practice1 bear in mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme-- ,keep up your head and your heart1 ,your hands and your heels keep down1 ,press your knees close to your horse's sides ,and your elbows close to your own4 ,in riding with ladies1 recollect that it is your duty to see them in their saddles before you mount4 ,and the assistance they require must not be rendered by a groom2 you must assist them yourself4 ,the lady will place herself on the near side of the horse1 her skirt gathered up in her left hand1 her right on the pommel1 keeping her face toward the horse's head4 ,you stand at its shoulder1 facing her1 and stooping1 hold your hand so that she may place her left foot in it2 then lift it as she springs1 so as to aid her1 but not to give such an impetus that1 like vaulting ambition1 she loses her balance1 and falls o' the other side4 ,next1 put her foot in the stirrup and smooth the skirt of her habit--then you are at liberty to mount yourself4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,proper ,,position ,,of ,a ,,lady ,,and ,,gentleman ,,in ,,riding4 ,keep to the right of the lady or any ladies riding with you4 ,open all gates and pay all tolls on the road4 ,never1 under any circumstances1 allow a lady to attend to any duty of this kind while under your escort4 ,you must anticipate her every need1 and provide for it2 making her comfort your first thought4 ,if you meet friends on horseback1 do not turn back with them2 if you overtake them1 do not thrust your company upon them unless you feel assured that it is agreeable to them for you to do so4 ,if you are on horseback and meet a lady who is walking1 and with whom you wish to speak1 dismount for that purpose1 and lead your horse4 ,to put her to the inconvenience of straining after and shouting to you1 would be a gross breach of manners4 ,if you enter a carriage with a lady1 let her first take her place on the seat facing the horses4 ,enter a carriage so that your back is toward the seat you are to occupy2 you will thus avoid turning round in the carriage1 which is awkward4 ,take care that you do not trample on the ladies' dresses1 or shut them in as you close the door4 ,illustration3 ,,mode ,,of ,,assisting ,a ,,lady ,,into ,a ,,carriage4 ,the rule in all cases is this3 you quit the carriage first and hand the lady out4 ,you may properly speed your horse in driving with a lady1 but remember that it is vulgar to drive too fast2 it suggests the idea of your having hired the trap from a livery stable1 and is in every respect ungentlemanly4 ,the carriage or buggy should be driven close to the sidewalk1 and the horses turned from the sidewalk1 so as to spread the wheels away from the step4 ,the gentleman should then alight1 quiet the horses1 and hold the reins in his right hand as a guard against accidents4 ,the lady should1 in leaving the carriage1 place her hands on the gentleman's shoulders1 while he should place his under her elbows4 ,then1 with his assistance1 she should spring lightly to the pavement1 passing him on his left side to avoid the reins which he holds in his right4 ,in driving1 the gentleman must place a lady on his left4 ,this leaves his right arm free to manage his horses4 ,a gentleman should not drive fast if the lady accompanying him is timid1 or objects to it4 ,he should consult her wishes in all things1 and take no risks1 as he is responsible for her safety4 ,above all1 he should never race with another team4 ,such conduct is disrespectful to the lady who accompanies him4 ,,the ,,etiquette ,,of ,,boating4 ,there are certain customs and usages in connection with this interesting pastime that deserve to be noted and observed4 ,gentlemen unaccustomed to the management of a boat should never venture out with ladies4 ,to do so is foolhardy1 if not criminal4 ,great care should be taken not to overload a boat4 ,the frequent boating accidents that happen are in most instances due either to overloading1 or to the inexperience of the man at the oars4 ,men who cannot swim should never take ladies upon the water4 ,assisting ,ladies to ,their ,seats4 ,when the gentlemen are going out with the ladies1 one of them steps into the boat and helps the ladies in and seats them1 the other handing them down from the bank or pier4 ,when the ladies have comfortably disposed themselves1 and not before1 the boat may be shoved off4 ,great care must be taken not to splash the ladies1 either in first dipping the oars or subsequently4 ,neither should anything be done to cause them fright4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,boating ,,party4 ,who ,should ,row4 ,if a friend is with you1 he must be given the preference of seats4 ,you must ask him to row stroke1 as that is the place of honor4 ,if you cannot row1 do not pretend you can4 ,say right out that you can't1 and thus settle it1 consoling yourself with the pleasant reflection that your confession entitles you to a seat by the side of the ladies and relieves you from the possibility of drowning the whole party4 ,a ,popular ,exercise4 ,rowing has become a great fad among the ladies in recent years1 and it is to be commended as a wholesome and vigorous exercise4 ,but it should be indulged only on quiet rivers or on private lakes4 ,if ladies venture into more frequented waters1 they must at least have the protection of a gentleman4 ,and in all cases they must wear costumes proper for the exercise1 which requires freedom of movement in every part4 ,corsets should be left at home1 and a good pair of stout boots should complete an equipment in which a skirt barely touching the ground1 a flannel shirt and a sailor hat are the leading features4 ,rowing gloves should protect the hands4 ,the ordinary rowing costume for gentlemen is white flannel trousers1 white rowing jersey and a straw hat4 ,peajackets are worn when their owners are not absolutely employed in pulling the oar4 ,illustration ,bicycle ,etiquette ,illustration ,cycling having taken such a mighty grasp upon the land1 it has naturally followed that an etiquette of cycling should be established1 and that it should be well established and rigidly regarded by society4 ,there are the details of meeting1 mounting1 right of way and various other points which are carefully observed and give the desired air of fashionable righteousness1 without which1 for many people1 the pleasure of meeting in a social way on one's wheel would be but legendary4 ,it is distinctly understood in the first place that cycling is the correct word2 the up-to-date woman dares not speak of bicycling nor of wheeling4 ,a ,cycler's ,guide4 ,if in town1 the early hours of the morning are chosen for a ride through the park4 ,this is on the same principle that it is considered good form for a young woman to drive only in the morning1 that is1 when she herself is the whip4 ,in the country the rules1 both as regards cycling and driving1 are not as rigid4 ,the maiden1 however1 who is a stickler for form1 does all her cycling in the hours which come before noon--unless there be a special meet1 a bicycle tea1 for instance1 or a spin by moonlight4 ,neither is it correct for a young woman to ride unaccompanied4 ,in the matter of chaperons we are becoming almost as rigid as the ,french1 who scarcely allow a young girl to cross the street1 to say nothing of shopping or calling1 without being accompanied by an elder woman1 her mother1 relative1 or a friend1 as a chaperon4 ,during the past few years there has been a tendency in ,america toward a closer imitation of all ,french etiquette which has brought in its train a strict construction of the duties of a chaperon4 ,maids ,do ,duty4 ,the unmarried woman who cycles must be chaperoned by a married lady--as every one rides nowadays1 this is an affair easily managed4 ,neither must the married woman ride alone2 failing a male escort1 she is followed by a groom or a maid4 ,a woman is very fortunate if among her men or women servants1 one knows how to ride a bicycle4 ,ladies occasionally go to the expense of having a servant trained in the art4 ,a ,man's ,duty4 ,if one possesses such a commodity as a brother or a husband1 he can always be made useful on a cycling excursion4 ,never is a man better able to show for what purpose he was made than upon such occasions4 ,the man's duty to the woman who rides might be made the text for a long sermon2 but long sermons are never popular2 therefore1 it may be better to state briefly that he must always be on the alert to assist his fair companion in every way in his power--he must be clever enough to repair any slight damage to her machine which may occur en route1 he must assist her in mounting and dismounting1 pick her up if she has a tumble1 and make himself generally useful and incidentally ornamental and agreeable4 ,he rides at her left in order to give her the more guarded place1 as the rule of the road in meeting other cyclers is the same as that for a carriage1 to turn to the right4 ,in ,england1 the reverse is the case4 ,assisting the ,lady4 ,in mounting1 the gentleman who is accompanying a lady holds her wheel2 she stands on the left side of the machine and puts her right foot across the frame to the right pedal1 which at the time must be up2 pushing the right pedal causes the machine to start and then with the left foot in place1 the rider starts ahead--slowly at first1 in order to give her cavalier time to mount his wheel1 which he will do in the briefest time possible4 ,when the end of the ride is reached1 the man quickly dismounts and is at his companion's side to assist her1 she1 in the meantime1 assisting herself as much as possible4 ,this is done--that is1 dismounting in the most approved style--by riding slowly1 and when the left pedal is on the rise1 the weight of the body is thrown on it1 the right foot is crossed over the frame of the machine1 and1 with an assisting hand1 the rider easily steps to the ground4 ,in meeting a party of cyclists who are known to each other and desire to stop for a parley1 it is considered the proper thing for the men of the party to dismount while in conversation with the ladies4 ,as to the furnishings of the bicycle1 to be really complete1 it must be fitted out with a clock and a bell1 luggage carrier and a cyclometer1 the latter being an absolute sine qua non to the woman who cares for records4 ,from five to six lessons are always considered necessary before one can master even the details of riding4 ,on the ,road4 ,on the road the woman who wishes to ride la mode has to know a number of little things that are overlooked by another woman1 just as the smart set have a code for riding and driving that is as inexorable as that they should not eat with their knives or put sugar on oysters4 ,society insists on an upright position1 with1 of course1 no attempt at racing pace4 ,it also frowns upon constant ringing of the bell--that will do for the vulgar herd who delight in noise4 ,the well-informed wheelwoman keeps eye and ear alert and touches her bell rarely4 ,she dresses daintily and inconspicuously--effaces herself1 in fact1 as much in this exercise as she does in all public places4 ,very gallant escorts use a towrope when accompanying a lady on a wheeling spin4 ,these are managed in various ways2 one consists of an ,india-rubber door-spring just strong enough to stretch a little with the strain1 and about six feet of shade cord4 ,one end is attached to the lady's wheel at the lamp bracket or brake rod by a spring swivel1 and the other end is hooked to the escort's handle bar in such a way that he can set it free in a moment1 if necessary4 ,when he has finished towing he drops back to the lady's side1 hanging the loose end of the cord over her shoulder1 to be ready for the next hill4 ,a gentle pull that is a bagatelle to a strong rider is of great assistance to a weak one up hill or against a strong wind4 ,for ,protection ,against ,dogs4 ,every bicyclist in the land will rise up and call the inventor of the ammonia gun for dogs blessed4 ,nothing is more annoying to the rider than to have a mongrel dog barking at his pedals and scurrying across his pathway in such close proximity to the front wheel as to be a constant reminder of a possible header4 ,the gun is calculated to make an annoying dog sneeze and sniff away all future ambitions to investigate the pace of a rider4 ,it is said to be a perfect instrument in every way4 ,the advantages enumerated for it are3 ,positively will not leak2 has no spring to press or caps to remove1 and will shoot from five to twelve times from fifteen to thirty feet with one loading4 ,a ,few ,don'ts for ,cyclers4 ,don't try to raise your hat to the passing bloomer until you become an expert in guiding your wheel4 ,don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles4 ,it is impossible to sit erect and hold that kind of a handle4 ,don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy making a ridiculous show of yourself4 ,don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap1 to be worn while resting4 ,a summer cold is a stubborn thing4 ,don't allow a taste for a bit of color in your make-up to tempt you to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap4 ,don't get off the old gag about that tired feeling every time you stop by the roadside for a little breathing spell4 ,don't absent yourself from church to go wheeling1 as you and your bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship4 ,don't leave your bicycle in the lower hallway of your flat-house for the other tenants to fall over in the dark4 ,don't believe the farmer boy who says that it is two miles to the next town4 ,it may be two1 four1 six or twelve4 ,don't be more than an hour passing a given point1 although wheeling on a dusty road is honestly conducive to thirst4 ,don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels1 as it is not given you to see yourself as others see you4 ,don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom4 ,there is no telling what you will meet when it is too late4 ,don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace1 then drink cold water and lie around on the grass1 unless you are tired of life4 ,don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm4 ,put it on your shoulder1 or you will come to distress4 ,don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp is burning brightly4 ,he can afford to wait his time to laugh4 ,don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter4 ,sweaters worn like a ,chinaman's blouse are almost indecent4 ,don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle4 ,women's ,bicycle ,rides4 ,women who ride bicycles should make it a law with themselves never to ride after a feeling of weariness comes over them1 said a well-known physician4 ,i just came from visiting a woman who tried to ride around the city last ,sunday4 ,it was the fourth time she had ever ridden a wheel out of doors4 ,she got half way around1 came home1 in street cars and a carriage1 and has been sick in bed ever since4 ,she ought to be an example to all women who ride4 ,for those who are beginning1 especially1 and in a measure for all women1 there is a great danger in overdoing4 ,some women ride centuries1 it is true1 but they are men in strength4 ,no ordinary woman should start out before knowing how far she is going4 ,ordinarily1 though1 they ride twice as far as they ought4 ,they start out and ride away from home until they get tired4 ,then they have to ride back1 getting more and more exhausted with every turn of the wheels4 ,no ordinary woman who rides once or twice a week should go more than ten miles at a trip4 ,that is perhaps an hour's ride1 that may be easily extended to an hour and a quarter before that distance is covered1 and if she does not feel fresh and in a glow when she stops1 she may be certain that she has ridden too long4 ,naturally there is that healthy tired feeling which any one recognizes after athletic exercise1 but it is quite different from and never to be mistaken for the weariness which comes from too much exertion and straining of the nerves and muscles4 ,very few women have ever been injured on a bicycle who kept to this rule and limited their riding to nominal distances4 ,length of the ,ride4 ,this limit of distance1 which is designated by the feeling of weariness1 is only a little more important than the limit of speed which the female frame is capable of undergoing under healthy exercising rules4 ,whether a man can ride at full speed for a long distance and still retain his good health is a doubtful question4 ,it is certain1 however1 that no woman can keep up a high rate of speed for even a generous portion of a mile and not create the beginning of injuries4 ,the added strength required to increase speed even a little after a certain amount of power has been expended is out of all proportion to the results4 ,there is no relaxation of the muscles between revolutions of the pedals1 nor any let up on the nervous and muscular strain while the speed lasts4 ,the heart is far more taxed than one realizes at the moment1 and that species of tingling or numbness in the nerves and muscles which often results is only a sign that they have both been overtaxed4 ,properly used1 a wheel is certainly a promoter of health4 ,it develops muscles that are seldom1 if ever1 otherwise used4 ,it gains for women that ideal condition of the flesh so prized by sculptors and artists1 namely1 a firm1 solid tissue when the muscles are flexed1 and a softness of an infant with muscular relaxation4 ,it develops the entire torso and limbs1 it renders one's nerves like steel and is a splendid antidote for headaches4 ,an exceedingly smart and yet thoroughly practical cycling costume is known as the ,londonderry1 and is made in gray-green hopsack1 a soft fabric which lends itself admirably to the full folds of the ample knickerbockers1 which form a most important part of this costume4 ,the ,londonderry coat is made with long and very full basques1 which form a kind of skirt when on the machine1 and which1 nevertheless1 do not interfere in the least with the rider's freedom of action4 ,this coat is prettily braided with black1 and fastened with big black buttons4 ,it is so arranged in front that it can be worn either with a shirt or over a double-breasted vest of cloth or leather4 ,skirts are an ,abomination4 ,a renowned lady writer says3 ,in the first place let me condemn the skirt--not from prejudice1 but from experience4 ,skirts1 no matter how light1 how trim1 how heavy1 are both a nuisance and a danger4 ,a nuisance because they are always subject to entanglement in the wheel2 because they fly up with every breeze and motion2 because they have not the chic appearance of the properly made bloomer1 and because1 if they are weighted1 like a riding habit1 they make so much more to carry against the wind4 ,and breeze makes weight4 ,they are a danger because with the constant pumping of the pedals the knee is required to raise too great a weight2 this bears upon the body just below the back of the hips1 giving backache2 often more serious troubles4 ,i wouldn't wear a skirt4 ,i had one torn off me by the wheel2 but ,i rode with them long enough to give a just comparison of the merits of skirts versus bloomers4 ,riding suits should be of fine1 light weight1 navy blue or black material1 made with bloomers1 and the blouse with tailor-made jacket4 ,i wear the sweater myself in preference1 because it is not so apt to leave one subject to changes of temperature4 ,the ,alpine hat of ,tam ,o',shanter is au fait for street1 with leggings to match the bloomers and jacket1 and low shoes made broad on the ball of the foot4 ,all bicycle shoes should be broad on the ball1 because the pedaling is done with the ball1 not with the under curve1 as so many think4 ,doeskin gloves are best for ordinary riding4 ,bloomers should be made to fasten at the left side of the back1 which leaves room for a pocket on the right side4 ,tinted leggings should always match the hat and gloves4 ,tell the ladies to have their saddles built high and wide in the back1 sloping away and downwards in front2 and that if they pedal properly there is no reason why bicycling should not be a healthful1 moral1 modest and permanent form of exercise4 ,for1 mark it1 she added1 as a parting sally1 the wheel has come to stay4 ,a ,pace ,indicator4 ,a man who rides for health and pleasure and not to race or score centuries says that his plan is never to go so fast that he must breathe through his mouth4 ,as long as his nostrils can supply sufficient air he knows that he is not over-exerting himself4 ,as soon as he feels an inclination to breathe through his mouth he slackens his pace4 ,don't ,dodge a ,bicycle4 ,before bicycling will ever become a success a meeting must be called for the purpose of allowing the wheelmen and the pedestrian to arrive at some understanding4 ,i am in favor of a convention or something of that sort1 said a prominent wheelman to a reporter4 ,as it is now1 a rider comes down the street and sees ahead of him at a crossing a man or woman who is supposed to be endowed with reasonable intelligence4 ,this person is in the act of crossing the street4 ,he looks up1 sees the rider coming and stands still right in the middle of the street4 ,of course1 he is mentally calculating his chances for getting across safely4 ,in the meantime1 the rider is getting closer and closer and is in a study equally as profound as to what the person is going to do4 ,the pedestrian takes a step forward1 takes another glance up the street1 stops1 starts back1 makes an effort to reach the pavement1 stops again1 starts forward1 stops4 ,of course1 by this time the cyclist is almost at a standstill and is also zigzagging from one side to the other1 waiting and muttering4 ,the pedestrian seems to give up all possibility of escape1 faces the rider1 both arms extended1 jumps from one foot to the other1 and the two collide4 ,the cyclist is thrown to the ground1 his wheel twisted1 and he gets the blame4 ,and how easily all this can be avoided6 ,let the pedestrian1 instead of performing all these trying evolutions1 merely walk along as though there was nothing behind him1 keep his course1 and the cyclist will know what to do4 ,he will turn his wheel to one side and slide past with perfect ease and safety4 ,on the crossings let a man walk along as though there were not a bicycle in the state1 and the wheelman will judge his course accordingly4 ,he has control of his wheel and is as anxious not to collide as the other fellow4 ,illustration ,,club ,,etiquette4 ,illustration ,club life in all large cities is becoming so important a factor of social life that no book on etiquette would be complete without some notice of its varied features4 ,the membership of the smaller social clubs is chosen solely for the purpose of social enjoyment1 and they frequently blackball names that are brought up for membership simply from the standpoint of some member to whom the one proposed may not be personally agreeable4 ,if an applicant is blackballed once1 his friends should not persist in introducing his name again4 ,in the larger clubs1 where the members are never all thrown together at any one time1 no one should blackball a name from a personal standpoint4 ,if any one1 however1 is aware of some blemish in the character of the candidate for admission1 he has good grounds for objection4 ,observing the ,rules4 ,a new member of a club should at once acquaint himself with the rules and regulations that govern the organization and govern himself accordingly4 ,the courtesy that obtains in the home is to be observed in the club-rooms4 ,opinions of others should be respected1 and exciting discussions1 or disturbing topics of conversation1 are to be avoided there1 as they should be in the home circle4 ,remember that every one has the same right to his preconceived opinions as you have to yours4 ,treat all books1 papers and other club property with due care4 ,never take any article away from the club-house4 ,never monopolize any one article to the exclusion of others4 ,when there are certain rooms appointed for smoking1 confine yourself to them when indulging in the weed4 ,in the reading-room observe the same respect for the readers that you would wish observed toward yourself1 only another rendering of the ,golden ,rule which is at the foundation of all good manners4 ,while there converse very little1 and that in a low tone of voice4 ,do not look upon the servants of the club as your private property1 and never send them on personal errands without first obtaining the consent of the manager4 ,never expect undue attention from the waiters4 ,do not take dogs into club-rooms2 they are liable to destroy furniture1 and everyone may not appreciate them as much as you do4 ,morning dress is worn at the club4 ,in the evening a dress suit may be worn if desired1 but morning costume is equally appropriate4 ,hats should be removed at luncheon or dinner4 ,gentlemen will refrain from much mentioning of the names of ladies while in the club-rooms1 or from indulging in scandal4 ,serious ill-feeling is often aroused in this manner4 ,many men refuse to listen to anything of the kind1 and will retire if any such subject is brought up4 ,introduction of ,friends4 ,some clubs have cards for introducing visitors1 as3 ,,visiting ,,card4 ,,columbia ,,club1 #dbj ,madison ,square4 ,admit ,mr4 ,introduced by ,mr4 ,club members are at liberty to introduce friends at their respective clubs1 but care should be exercised in this respect1 since they must vouch for their friends' behavior1 and in many cases are held responsible for the debts they may contract4 ,it is not at all necessary that such a guest should be formally presented to any of the officials1 nor to many of the members1 unless in the case of some guest whom the club would delight to honor4 ,illustration3 ,,reception ,,at ,,the ,,club4 ,the guest of a club is expected to conform to all rules of the association while enjoying its hospitalities1 but he may also avail himself of all its privileges1 with the exception that he is not permitted to introduce another stranger4 ,a gentleman about to leave town1 and who has been entertained at a club1 leaves his card in a sealed envelope for the gentleman who introduced him4 ,ladies' clubs are now coming to the front in such profusion as to make it necessary to give them some notice4 ,the same general rules of etiquette apply to them as to a club of men4 ,as a rule1 women's clubs have some especial feature1 some object to call them into being4 ,the most usual form that the club activities assume is that of literary work of some kind1 either as a gathering of literary women1 or simply a gathering of women for some particular form of literary study4 ,they usually give club banquets and club luncheons1 but rarely attain to the dignity of a caf4 ,barring ,out ,disputed ,questions4 ,the temper of the meetings depends very largely on the kind of organization that holds them1 whether1 for instance1 as in the case of ,sorosis1 it is a club of refined and educated women1 of literary and artistic pursuits and tastes1 or whether it is one for reform1 as temperance1 suffrage1 social purity1 or religious development and work4 ,the members of ,sorosis1 when in session1 are well-bred1 if not always clear-headed and reasonable4 ,religious gatherings of women are seldom other than of good temper1 and quiet in their tone4 ,political meetings and sectarian meetings are apt to be turbulent4 ,this fact has been recognized by some women's clubs1 ,sorosis1 for example1 and they will not permit the subjects to be discussed or introduced in any way at meetings4 ,the various business womens' and working girls' clubs are instituted for the sole purpose usually of furnishing good lunches at the noon hour at reasonable rates1 and combine this feature with pleasant reception and lounging rooms1 and often with various literary and business courses of study4 ,there is one ,ladies' ,suburban ,club--the ,alexandra--the most exclusive of ,london's women clubs4 ,it is also the most successful4 ,no individual of the other sex above the age of twelve is admitted beyond the doormat4 ,husbands1 fathers1 and brothers1 are all ruthlessly excluded from within its sacred precincts4 ,it furnishes an admirable center for shopping operations1 and for lunches1 teas1 etc4 ,it possesses the advantages of bedrooms1 let at the most reasonable rate1 so that girls and young married women can spend a night or two in town without any trouble to chaperons or maids4 ,women friends1 of course1 may be admitted into the club1 and servants and tradespeople interviewed4 ,it is named for the ,princess of ,wales1 and no one who has not been presented to the ,queen is eligible to membership4 ,there is also a ,ladies' ,suburban ,club in ,chicago that partakes of the same features1 save that it is not founded upon quite so aristocratic a basis1 and the suburban woman heartily appreciates its benefits4 ,no more does she wander aimlessly up and down the streets while awaiting a home-bound train4 ,she has a resting place of her own within easy reach of the shopping district1 one where she can be made presentable for matine or theater4 ,here1 on one floor1 she finds hairdressers1 manicurists1 a caf1 a woman ready to repair damaged garments2 and should she miss the last train1 comfortable sleeping-rooms1 where she can spend the night quietly4 ,there1 the club-shopper is ready to attend sales and do all manner of purchasing--from ordering funeral flowers to selecting a good seat at the theater1 while the club nursery is responsible for all children left there4 ,their membership hails from many states4 ,presiding at a ,woman's ,club4 ,the average woman is not so well qualified to preside over meetings in which continual interruptions are occurring1 through the members rising to points of order1 and other questions of privilege1 because1 unlike the average man1 she has not given much attention to the study of parliamentary law4 ,the rules for conducting a meeting do not admit of any personal feeling or individual taste on the part of the presiding officer4 ,on the contrary1 there is a code of rules expressly laid down to guide and regulate such matters4 ,the presiding officer is not supposed to control the opinions of the members1 but merely to direct them4 ,she should be in entire sympathy with the objects of the meeting1 and have a full and complete understanding of all its aims1 objects and purposes4 ,this latter is a very important consideration4 ,members1 and especially new ones1 are constantly asking for information1 and unless the presiding officer can furnish it briefly and at once1 delays are sure to occur1 and the meeting be anything but pleasant or satisfactory to the other members present4 ,order of ,business4 ,having been chosen to preside1 the first duty is to call the meeting to order4 ,if it is a first meeting1 the objects for which it is called should then be stated clearly1 but in as few words as possible4 ,if it is not a first meeting1 but a regular or constituted one1 the presiding officer should have the roll of members called by the secretary4 ,the minutes of the last meeting should then be read4 ,next1 the presiding officer should appoint her committees for the session2 or1 if it is a regular meeting1 the reports of the various committees appointed at the previous session should be heard4 ,next1 the regular business should be taken up1 and having been disposed of1 the presiding officer should allow the introduction of any new business that may properly come before the meeting4 ,it is of the utmost importance that a presiding officer should be possessed of good eyesight1 so as to be able to perceive a member as soon as she rises4 ,there must be no hesitation or nervousness about a presiding officer4 ,she must be ever on the alert1 with all her faculties about her4 ,she must be broad-minded1 liberal1 and clear-visioned1 with a readiness to instruct the members when any mistakes are made1 and always willing to grant the full liberty of debate to all2 for out of the widest differences will come the very best conclusions after full and fair discussion4 ,,society ,illustration ,women are our only leisure class4 ,this has been so often repeated that it scarcely matters to whom the credit of the saying must be given4 ,in this country the burden of social work rests upon women1 while in all ,european countries1 men1 young and old1 statesmen1 officials1 princes1 ambassadors1 make it one of the duties of life to visit1 leave cards and take up all the numerous burdens of the social world4 ,here it is the lady of the house that does all this4 ,husbands1 fathers1 sons1 are all too much engrossed in the pursuit of business or pleasure to spend time in these multifarious cares4 ,mrs4 ,john ,sherwood says3 ,they cannot even spend time to make their dinner calls4 ',mamma1 please leave my cards1' is the legend written on their banners4 ,influence of ,women4 ,the wonderful influence of women of culture and fashion1 with their happy ways of doing things in the political1 as well as the social world1 is as great now in ,washington as it ever was in ,paris1 in the palmiest days of the ,imperial ,salon4 ,the graces and the courtesies of life are in their hands4 ,it is women who create society4 ,it is women from whom etiquette is learned1 not from association with men4 ,the height of a stage of civilization can always be measured by the amount of deference paid to woman4 ,the culture of a particular man can be gauged by his manner when in the company of ladies4 ,primitive man made women do all the hard work of life1 bear all the burdens1 eat of the leavings1 and be the servants of the tribe4 ,civilized man1 on the other hand1 gives precedence to woman in every particular4 ,he serves her first1 he gives her places of comfort and safety1 he rises to assist her at every opportunity1 and we measure his culture by sins of omission1 or commission1 along this line4 ,thus1 all these small observances not only conduce to the comfort of woman1 but they refine and do away with the rough and selfish side of man's nature1 for without this refining contact with gentle womanhood1 a man will never lose the innate roughness with which nature has endowed him4 ,it is women1 as before said1 who create etiquette1 and ,burke tells us that manners are of more importance than laws4 ,a fine manner is the open sesame that admits us to the audience chamber of the world4 ,it is the magic wand at whose touch all barriers dissolve4 ,effect of ,cultured ,manners4 ,give a boy address and accomplishments and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes4 ,he has not the trouble of earning or owning them2 they solicit him to enter and possess4 ,whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily intercourse with others is through our obedience to the laws of etiquette1 which govern the whole machinery of society1 and it is largely to women with their leisure1 and their tact1 that we must look to create and sustain the social fabric4 ,to know her is a liberal education1 was the stately compliment once paid a woman1 and there are women left to whom it still applies4 ,as ,emerson says in his essay upon ,manners3 ,are there not women who inspire us with courtesy2 who unloose our tongues1 and we speak2 who anoint our eyes1 and we see8 ,we say things we never thought to have said4 ,for once1 our walls of habitual reserve vanished and left us at large2 we were children playing with children in a wide field of flowers4 ,steep us1 we cried1 in these influences for days1 for weeks1 and we shall be sunny poets and write out in many colored words the romance that you are4 ,the successful society woman has a genius for leadership4 ,she molds and makes what she will of her surroundings4 ,she undervalues the talents of no one2 she rather draws out and makes the most of every one with whom she comes in contact4 ,she is quiet1 she is reposeful1 she has the tact that puts every one with whom she meets at ease1 and1 above all1 she is sympathetic4 ,a judiciously expressed sympathy with our fellow-beings is one of the highest attributes of our nature4 ,unite sympathy to observation and the dead spring to life4 ,it is tact to so express that sympathy as not to seem aware of the weakness that we would support and conceal from others4 ,madame ,rcamier had this gift of hidden sympathy1 this power of drawing out the best that was in those who approached her4 ,to this gift it was that she owed that power over all men which survived her wonderful beauty4 ,a ,sympathetic ,nature4 ,it was not her wit1 for with this she was not so greatly endowed2 it was not alone her beauty1 for the eminent men and women of the day followed her when1 blind and poor1 she sought the solitude of the abbey2 but it was the delicate tendrils of her sympathy and the steadfastness of her friendship that drew towards her all hearts1 and molded and welded her company of followers into one of the most perfect and powerful social circles that has ever surrounded any society leader4 ,many an awkward situation has been saved by feminine tact4 ,there was the cabinet-member's wife who drank out of her finger-bowl because her guest1 a senator1 had done so4 ,and the general's wife who1 when a clumsy tea drinker smashed a priceless cup1 picked up another of the fragile affairs and crushed it between her fingers with a ,they do break easily1 don't they8 ,and the woman who1 when ,m4 ,blanc was mistaken at an ,english garden party for a page1 replied1 ,well1 ,m4 ,blanc is a page--of history4 ,this tact is in great measure a natural gift1 but it can be cultivated1 and is well worth the trouble4 ,nothing can be so utterly painful in society as the tactless person who is perpetually doing those things which he ought not to have done1 and leaving undone those things which he ought to have done4 ,the art of conversation1 too1 is worth cultivating4 ,a woman1 noted among her friends for her delightful letters and as delightful gifts of conversation1 was asked how she managed it4 ,frankly1 was the reply1 ,i strive for it4 ,when ,i see in a book or hear anywhere a happy phrase1 or a telling sentence1 ,i make a mental note of it1 and watch for an opportunity to incorporate it in my own speech or written word4 ,i don't mean ,i appropriate other folks' ideas in wholesale fashion1 but ,i do steal or utilize their knack of expression4 ,another point ,i make is never to permit myself to speak carelessly1 that is1 slovenly1 any more than ,i let my hair be untidy or my gowns mud-stained4 ,it does not seem to me frivolous or bestowing too much care on trifles to take this small pains for my betterment4 ,i pin a flower on my dress for a bit of color1 or adjust a bow where ,i know it is becoming2 why should ,i not apply the decorative idea to my speech8 ,power through ,repose4 ,cultivate repose of manner4 ,be calm and restful4 ,do not fidget4 ,command of the tongue is a valuable accomplishment to cultivate4 ,many a young girl is actually fidgety1 because she thinks to be a success she must be full of life and always on the go4 ,she wants to be bright and vivacious4 ,if such is her temperament and her vivaciousness comes spontaneously it is perhaps attractive1 though it is very likely to get tiresome4 ,nine out of ten women would be twice as attractive if they would learn to keep still and thus gain the full social value of this ability4 ,especially is this true of young girls4 ,when a young man is introduced1 why plunge at him with a volley of phrases8 ,an effect is made twice as quickly if his look is met with steady1 quiet eyes1 a few words spoken in a gentle1 sincere voice1 and a chance given him4 ,presumably1 he requested the introduction1 and so1 probably1 he has something to say4 ,anyway1 he is likely to have1 if you are serene and quiet4 ,a habit of repose will save from many a blunder4 ,when a man1 one does not remember1 plunges into a conversation1 the habit of repose enables one to keep an unmoved and quiet demeanor until something is said that will place him4 ,to be in a hurry to speak is to betray oneself1 and embarrassment ensues on both sides4 ,this command of quiet is also a protection against tiresome1 talkative1 people4 ,it enables one to preserve an air of kindly attention1 while one's thoughts1 free and untrammeled1 roam at their own sweet will1 drifting back just in time to utter an appreciative affirmative1 or negative4 ,a ,good ,listener4 ,this repose of manner is a boon to the shy and awkward man1 who1 under its influence1 actually acquires some confidence in himself1 which is simply impossible when he is bombarded with a volley of vivacious conversation4 ,learn to be a good listener1 a sympathetic and interested listener1 and the majority of people will pronounce you interesting4 ,if the partner assigned you at a dinner party seems to have no topic in common with your thought1 strive to find out what does interest him2 a few skillful questions1 and he is launched on a tide of talk1 at his ease1 even brilliant1 and all that is needed on your part is to appear interested4 ,whether you understand the subject1 or care for it1 is another question2 you have established your place in that man's estimation1 and he will ever thereafter have a word of praise when your name is mentioned4 ,there are women who are themselves not fluent1 and who enjoy being talked to1 to be spared the trouble of making conversation4 ,with these women it is the ready talker who finds favor4 ,but there is another class of women quite as large who love to talk1 and to them the good listener is welcome2 therefore1 let the man who wishes to talk choose his audience with discretion4 ,madame ,rcamier liked to be talked to1 and was so sympathetic a listener that the careful student of her times is forced to conclude that was one of the chiefest of her charms1 but he would have been a bold man who would have interrupted the flow of ,madame de ,stal's eloquence4 ,men are less inclined to certain forms of etiquette than women4 ,not that they would be less polite1 but1 as a rule1 they do not attach so much importance to the little niceties of life1 and they are too prone to lack in certain courtesies which a society man should practice4 ,how ,men are ,spoiled4 ,this process of spoiling begins with the mothers1 and ends with the young women4 ,women pride themselves upon being independent1 and the result is that the men naturally fall back and let them wait upon themselves4 ,women take the lead1 women plan entertainments and excursions1 women tolerate neglect1 and all of this spoils the men4 ,be a woman first and last1 and exact all these little courtesies for the sake of your sex4 ,says a well-known lady3 ,i remember a thing that impressed me very much1 and made me ashamed of my own sons whom ,i have always waited upon1 ,i am sorry to say4 ,we had as guests a gentleman1 wife and son1 the latter about thirteen4 ,in the morning there was a parade2 the gentleman and his wife went1 while ,i stayed at home with another relative4 ,the boys came in to luncheon1 and then as ,i was going up-town1 ,harry1 our visitor1 put up his wheel1 brushed his clothes1 and announced that he was ready to escort me4 ,i assured him that we did not need him1 to run along with the other boys1 but he would not hear of it4 ,he opened the gates1 carried my umbrella1 and stayed with me until he saw me safe at home4 ,i complimented him to his mother1 but she assured me that he would never have thought of doing anything else1 for when the father could not accompany her1 ,harry had been taught to do so4 ,i had always assured my boys that ,i could take care of myself1 but ,i wish now ,i had made them take care of me4 ,,general ,,etiquette4 ,illustration ,this chapter is devoted to the gathering up of the fragments that remain from all the other departments that cannot be rigidly classified1 and yet are useful to remember4 ,there are many minute points of etiquette which1 although not extremely important1 often serve as a source of embarrassment to uninitiated persons1 and upon which information that can be relied upon is desired4 ,who ,bows ,first8 ,whether the lady or gentleman should bow first is a point where many differ4 ,that the lady should bow first1 most authorities agree in declaring4 ,this acts as a safeguard to a lady1 permitting her to drop an undesirable acquaintance1 as a failure to bow would be considered the cut direct4 ,but some ladies are forgetful of faces1 and some are near-sighted1 thus preventing ready recognition of others2 so that1 while this custom might apply to introductions given at a ball1 still1 a bow hurts no one1 and an undesirable acquaintance is easily dropped without this rudeness4 ,hence it would seem that1 whichever one recognizes first1 the other ought to have the privilege of bowing without breaking this social law1 which is better observed in the spirit than in the letter4 ,lady or ,gentleman8 ,these terms have come to be used so continuously1 and sometimes so meaninglessly that they bid fair to crowd out the sweet1 strong words1 man and woman1 and a revulsion of taste has swept in that goes nigh in some sets to utterly swamp the lady and gentleman4 ,either extreme is a mistake4 ,there is a right and wrong use of these terms2 for example1 one says to one's servants1 or to one's children1 ,i expect some ladies to visit me to-morrow1 while later1 referring to them in conversation with a friend1 one may say1 they are women of exquisite culture4 ,a matron may speak of young ladies as girls1 but if she be not intimate1 young ladies1 is more usual1 or she may address them collectively as young women4 ,misuse of the ,term ,lady4 ,the term lady has been more abused than that of gentleman4 ,the words fore-lady1 sales-lady1 wash-lady1 have rendered it ludicrous when one thinks of contrasting it with the terms1 happily never used1 of fore-gentleman1 sales-gentleman1 etc4 ,formal consideration asks if the ladies are at home1 and refined custom requires it4 ,but to express the graces and endowments of a woman1 it is her womanliness that is emphasized4 ,she is a gracious1 sweet-tempered1 kindly woman4 ,the same distinction applies to the use of the term gentleman1 or man4 ,says one writer1 giving some examples of the use of these words3 ,a polite host would say1 ',the men are looking for some ladies who would enjoy a game of tennis1' or1 ',i can promise the young ladies a pleasant time1 for there will be a great many dancing men present4' ,one gentleman says to another1 in expressing his admiration1 ,miss ,blank is my ideal of a lovely and lovable woman' 7he does not say 'lady'71 but in the same breath he may add1 ',let us join the ladies 7not 'women'7 on the balcony4' ,one should always say she is such a sweet old lady1 rather than she is such a sweet old woman4 ,much might be said in this regard1 but after all1 exact discrimination of the proper term at the proper time must be left somewhat to the personal judgment of each man and woman4 ,the leading business and professional men owe their success1 in great measure1 to their graciousness in business manners4 ,it is well1 from many points of view1 to form the habit of treating all1 rich and poor1 men and women1 with uniform courtesy4 ,the pleasant business man draws the largest custom4 ,the polite professional man secures the best clientage4 ,pay bills and drafts promptly1 or else explain satisfactorily to your creditor when you will be able to meet the obligation4 ,if your word has always been as good as your bond1 in nine cases out of ten he will grant the extension of time desired4 ,keep appointments to the moment4 ,if unable to do so1 send a messenger to explain4 ,finish your business promptly and then leave4 ,time is money4 ,never misrepresent goods1 nor allow others in your employ so to do4 ,enclose a stamped envelope for reply when asking for information that is to benefit yourself solely4 ,answer letters of inquiry promptly4 ,do not display curiosity in regard to business matters that do not concern you1 nor try to examine the books or private papers of another4 ,be polite to all employs4 ,they will give much better service4 ,business ,forms are always useful1 hence we furnish some that are in constant use3 ,a ,promissory ,note4 #cjj4 ,,chicago1 ,ill41 ,november #e1 #ahi-4 ,ninety days after date ,i promise to pay to ,charles ,chapman1 or order1 at the ,second ,national ,bank1 ,three ,hundred ,dollars1 value received4 ,,martin ,,voorhees4 ,if it is intended to draw interest that should be added1 thus1 with interest at six per cent4 ,a ,joint ,note4 #bjj4 ,,salida1 ,col41 ,december #b1 #ahi-4 ,three months after date we jointly promise to pay ,howard ,crosby1 or order1 ,two ,hundred ,dollars1 value received4 ,,grace ,,harding4 ,,george ,,harding4 ,a ,receipt on ,account4 #ejj4 ,,san ,,mateo1 ,cal41 ,november #a1 #ahi-4 ,received of ,george ,woods1 ,five ,hundred ,dollars1 on account4 ,,frank ,,james4 ,a ,receipt in ,full4 #bjj4 ,,louisiana1 ,mo41 ,october #ca1 #ahi-4 ,received of ,john ,jenkins1 ,two ,hundred ,dollars1 in full for all demands up to date4 ,,james ,,higgins4 ,form for a ,bill4 ,,new ,,york1 ,december #c1 #ahi-4 ,,mr4 ,,john ,,henson4 ,,to ,,james ,,carroll1 ,,dr4 ,to #aj pounds coffee1 #cj;c #c4jj ,to #bj pounds sugar1 #e;c #a4jj ,to #b pounds lard1 #ah;c 4#cf ,to #a pound tea1 #fj;c 4#fj ----- #d4if ,what and ,what ,not to ,say4 ,don't say ,i feel good1 for ,i feel well4 ,don't say these kind1 but this kind4 ,don't say not so good as1 for not as good as4 ,don't say between three1 but among three4 ,don't describe an unusual occurrence as funny1 unless something comic is meant4 ,strange1 peculiar1 unique1 odd1 are better expressions4 ,don't say a garment sets good1 but it fits well4 ,don't say had rather1 had better1 for would rather1 would better4 ,don't speak of articles of diet as healthy1 but as healthful or wholesome4 ,don't say fix my gown1 fix this room1 but arrange my gown1 the room4 ,the best authorities rarely use fix1 except to indicate stability or permanence4 ,you don't fix the house1 you repair it4 ,say money is plentiful1 not plenty4 ,say between you and me4 ,say ,if he should live1 ,if he should come1 instead of ,if he comes1 ,if he live4 ,don't say ,i have saw for ,i have seen4 ,don't say dress2 if a lady1 say gown4 ,the word dress applies to the entire toilet4 ,gown1 to the one article4 ,various ,hints on ,etiquette4 ,enter a room as if you felt yourself entitled to a welcome1 but wished to take no undue advantage of it4 ,do not press a favor where you see it will be unwelcome4 ,treat all the guests you meet at your friend's table1 for the time being1 as your equals4 ,a very trifling and yet important thing that every woman should know is that it is exceedingly inelegant in rising from a chair to raise herself by pressure on the arms4 ,unless she is old or infirm she should rise without assistance4 ,do not rush into a friendship with everybody you meet4 ,friendships so quickly made are quickly broken4 ,in another man's house do not take upon yourself to play the host--not even at the host's request4 ,in making gifts let them be in proportion to your means4 ,a rich man does not thank a poor man for making him a present which he knows the giver cannot afford4 ,do not claim the acquaintance of a man of rank on the ground that you once met him at a house to which you had been invited4 ,let it be said of you as it was said of ,macaulay1 that he remembered everything1 except an injury4 ,in making calls1 do your best to lighten the infliction to your hostess4 ,do not stay long2 and do not enter upon a subject of conversation which may terrify her with the apprehension that you intend to remain until you have exhausted it4 ,do not give another1 even if it be a better1 version of a story already told by one of your companions4 ,the touchstone of good manners is the way in which a man behaves to his superiors or inferiors4 ,it is not proper for a gentleman to call upon a lady unless he has first received permission to do so4 ,it is not proper for a gentleman to wear his overshoes in the drawing-room4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,morning ,,walk4 ,children or young people should never monopolize the most desirable positions and most comfortable chairs4 ,no gentleman will smoke while walking1 riding or driving with a lady1 or while speaking to her in the street4 ,sometimes1 at informal summer resorts1 there is a little latitude allowed here4 ,if a dinner party is given in honor of a lady1 it is the host's place to go in to dinner first1 taking in the lady in whose honor the dinner is given4 ,furthermore1 it is proper1 under some circumstances1 for the hostess to go in to dinner last with the husband of the lady whom the host is escorting4 ,it is proper to help all the ladies1 including those of the household1 before any gentleman is helped1 no matter how distinguished a person he may be4 ,first ,attentions for ,ladies4 ,when the visitors are gentlemen1 and only a mother and daughter are at the table1 the maid ought first to serve the mother1 then the daughter and last the gentlemen4 ,if the mother serves tea at luncheon she helps the daughter first1 and after her the men guests4 ,the rule is always that a lady takes precedence4 ,on leaving the table at a public place1 such as a restaurant or hotel dining-room1 the lady precedes the gentleman4 ,apples are pared1 and eaten in small quarters1 at dessert4 ,grapes are plucked from their stems1 and the pulp squeezed out in the mouth1 while the fingers hold the skins1 which are laid at one side of the plate4 ,bananas are peeled1 cut in thin slices1 and eaten with a fork4 ,peaches are eaten after paring1 with a silver knife and fork4 ,oranges are skinned by cutting in quarters1 or left whole1 and the sections are then pulled apart1 and eaten1 rejecting the seeds into the hand4 ,celery is usually dipped into the salt-cellar1 and eaten from the stalk1 or it can be cut on the plate1 in small bits1 and eaten with a fork4 ,when dining at a hotel you can partake of the side dishes on the same plate that meat and potato have been served1 or ask the waiter to change your plate1 as you prefer4 ,when fried eggs are used for a breakfast dish1 they are put upon your plate1 from the side dish2 but in many homes1 eggs are baked in small dishes1 each person being served with a dish1 which should be well buttered before putting in the egg to be cooked4 ,it does not matter upon which side of her escort a lady sits at table4 ,the gentleman will draw out a chair for the lady1 if a waiter is not in attendance to do it1 and take the next seat himself4 ,when passing your plate to be helped a second time1 lay the knife and fork at the left-hand side4 ,do not1 if talking to a friend1 drop all conversation so soon as a child requires attention1 or has some childish remark to make4 ,when in parlor1 or drawing-room1 if a woman1 standing1 hands a cup1 a book1 a flower1 or any article to a man who is seated1 he should rise to receive it4 ,this rule is without exception4 ,minor ,usages of the ,best ,society4 ,when a man offers a lady any civility1 a stranger or an acquaintance1 opens a door1 hands her a parcel she has dropped1 or offers her a seat1 he should lift his hat at the same moment4 ,if a young lady accepts the escort of a gentleman to an entertainment1 she should never accompany him1 at its close1 to a restaurant for refreshments unless she is chaperoned by a lady much older than herself4 ,good-evening is a proper salutation upon entering a room for a call4 ,good-night upon retiring at its close4 ,a man on horseback1 who sees a lady wishes to stop him1 will dismount and walk by her side1 leading his horse1 for there are few occasions on which it is permissible to stand talking on the street4 ,a lady may permit a man walking with her to carry any small parcel that she has1 but never more than one4 ,a lady wishing to avoid bowing to an undesirable acquaintance1 must look aside1 or drop the eyes1 for if the eyes meet a bow is absolutely necessary4 ,if a lady asks a man to accompany her to a place of amusement1 she must provide the conveyance4 ,if a lady invites a man to drive with her1 he should walk to her house1 unless the distance is too great1 when she should offer to call for him4 ,if this is the case1 he should watch1 and1 if possible1 meet her on the way4 ,do not refuse to accept an apology2 even if friendship is not restored1 an open quarrel will be averted4 ,do not be familiar with a new acquaintance4 ,one can be courteous without familiarity4 ,breaches of ,etiquette4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to remove the gloves when making a formal call4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to stare around the room4 ,it is a breach of etiquette for a caller who is waiting the entrance of the hostess to open the piano or touch it if it is open4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to go to the room of an invalid unless invited4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to look at your watch when calling4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to walk around the room when waiting for the hostess4 ,it is a breach of etiquette for the caller to open or shut a door1 raise or lower a window curtain1 or in any other way alter the arrangement of a room4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to turn your chair so as to bring your back to some one near you4 ,it is a breach of etiquette when making a call to play with any ornament in the room1 or to seem to be aware of anything but the company present4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to remain when you find the host or hostess dressed to go out4 ,it is a breach of etiquette during a call to draw near the fire to warm your hands or feet1 unless you are invited by the mistress of the house to do so4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to make remarks upon a caller who has just left the room1 whether by the hostess or visitors4 ,it is a breach of etiquette and a positive unkindness to call upon a friend who is in reduced circumstances with any parade of wealth in equipage or dress4 ,it is a breach of etiquette for the hostess to leave the room when visitors are present4 ,it is a breach of etiquette to assume any ungraceful or uncouth position1 such as standing with the arms akimbo1 sitting astride a chair1 smoking in the presence of ladies1 wearing your hat1 leaning back in the chair1 standing with legs crossed or feet on the chairs1 leaning forward in the chair with elbows on the knees4 ,all these acts stamp you as ill-bred and unpolished4 ,illustration ,,washington ,,etiquette ,illustration ,in addition to the ordinary rules of etiquette1 official society in ,washington ,city is governed by a code of fixed laws4 ,the social observances of the ,white ,house are prescribed with great exactness1 and constitute the ,court ,etiquette of the ,republic4 ,at the very commencement of the ,government under the ,constitution the social question became one of great magnitude1 and in order to adjust it upon a proper basis1 ,president ,washington caused a definite ,code to be drawn up2 but the rules were too arbitrary and exacting to give satisfaction1 and society was not disposed to acknowledge so genuine an equality as the code required among its members4 ,frequent and bitter quarrels arose in consequence of the clashing of social claims1 and at last a code was agreed upon1 which may be stated as follows3 ,the ,recognized ,head4 ,the ,president and his family are recognized as the head and front of the social structure4 ,the ,president1 as such1 must not be invited to dinner by any one1 and accepts no such invitations1 and pays no calls or visits of ceremony4 ,he may visit in his private capacity at pleasure4 ,an invitation to dine at the ,white ,house takes precedence of all others1 and a previous engagement must not be pleaded as an excuse for declining it4 ,such an invitation must be promptly accepted in writing4 ,during the winter season1 a public reception or levee is held at stated times1 at which guests are expected to appear in full dress4 ,they are presented by the usher to the ,president1 and have the honor of shaking hands with him4 ,they then pass on1 and are presented by another usher to the wife of the ,president1 to whom they bow1 and pass on4 ,these receptions last from eight until ten o'clock ,p4,m4 ,on the first of ,january and the ,fourth of ,july the ,president holds public receptions1 commencing at noon1 at which the ,foreign ,ministers present in ,washington appear in full court dress1 and the officers of the army and navy in full uniform4 ,on such occasions1 the ,president receives first the ,heads of ,departments1 ,governors of ,states1 ,justices of the ,supreme ,court and ,members of the two ,houses of ,congress1 in the order named2 then the ,members of the ,diplomatic ,corps1 who are followed by the officers of the army and navy4 ,the doors are then thrown open to the general public1 who for the space of two hours pay their respects to the ,chief ,magistrate of the ,nation4 ,the ,vice-,president of the ,united ,states is expected to pay a formal visit to the ,president on the meeting of ,congress1 but he is entitled to the first visit from all other persons1 which he may return by card or in person4 ,formal ,calls4 ,the ,judges of the ,supreme ,court of the ,united ,states call upon the ,president and ,vice-,president on the annual meeting of the court in ,december1 and on ,new ,year's ,day and the ,fourth of ,july4 ,they are entitled to the first call from all other persons4 ,members of the ,cabinet call upon the ,president on the first of ,january and the ,fourth of ,july4 ,they are required to pay the first calls1 either in person or by card1 to the ,vice-,president1 the ,judges of the ,supreme ,court1 ,senators and the ,speaker of the ,house of ,representatives on the meeting of ,congress4 ,they are entitled to the first call from all other persons4 ,senators call in person upon the ,president and ,vice-,president on the meeting of ,congress1 ,new ,year's ,day and the ,fourth of ,july1 if ,congress is in session at the last named time4 ,they also call first upon the ,judges of the ,supreme ,court1 and upon the ,speaker of the ,house of ,representatives on the meeting of ,congress4 ,they are entitled to the first call from all other persons4 ,the ,speaker of the ,house of ,representatives calls upon the ,president on the meeting of ,congress1 on ,new ,year's ,day1 and on the ,fourth of ,july1 if ,congress is in session4 ,the first call is due from him to the ,vice-,president and the ,judges of the ,supreme ,court1 but to him from all other persons4 ,members of the ,house of ,representatives call in person upon the ,president on the meeting of ,congress1 and on ,new ,year's ,day1 and by card or in person on the ,fourth of ,july1 if ,congress is in session4 ,they call first1 by card or in person1 upon the ,vice-,president1 the ,judges of the ,supreme ,court1 ,speaker of the ,house1 ,senators1 ,cabinet ,officers and ,foreign ,ministers1 soon after the opening of the session4 ,ministers from ,foreign ,countries4 ,foreign ,ministers call upon the ,president on the first of ,january and the ,fourth of ,july4 ,they call first1 in person or by card1 upon the ,vice-,president1 ,cabinet ,officers1 ,judges of the ,supreme ,court and the ,speaker of the ,house on the first opportunity after presenting their credentials to the ,president4 ,they also make an annual call of ceremony1 by card or in person1 on the above mentioned officials soon after the meeting of ,congress4 ,they are entitled to the first calls from all other persons4 ,the ,judges of the ,court of ,claims call in person upon the ,president on ,new ,year's ,day and the ,fourth of ,july4 ,they pay first calls to ,cabinet ,officers and ,members of the ,diplomatic ,corps1 and call annually1 by card or in person1 upon the ,vice-,president1 ,judges of the ,supreme ,court1 ,senators1 ,speaker and ,members of the ,house soon after the meeting of ,congress4 ,the intercourse of the other officers of the ,government is regulated by superiority of rank in the public service4 ,the intercourse of the families of officials is regulated by the rules which govern the officials themselves4 ,besides the public levees of the ,president1 the ladies of the ,white ,house hold receptions at stated periods1 to which invitations are regularly issued4 ,the ,president sometimes appears upon these occasions1 but is under no obligation to do so4 ,it has long been the custom for the ,president to give a series of ,state ,dinners during the session of ,congress1 to which the various members of that body1 the higher ,government officials and the ,diplomatic ,corps are successively invited4 ,in order to show attention to all1 and offend none1 it is necessary to give quite a number of these dinners during the session4 ,the proper titles to be used in addressing the ,president1 ,members of the ,cabinet1 ,members of ,congress1 ,judges of the ,supreme ,court and other ,government officials1 are found in the ,department on ,letter-,writing4 ,illustration ,,delsartean ,,discipline ,illustration ,the end and aim of all our work should be the harmonious growth of our whole being1 says ,frebel4 ,know thyself1 quoth ,epictetus1 the ,stoic1 and1 knowing thyself1 grow strong of mind1 self-centered and self-possessed4 ,know thyself1 reiterates the modern disciple of ,delsarte1 since only by knowledge of self can be developed the real personality of the individual4 ,grace and self-possession are the aim of ,delsarte2 it therefore fairly falls within the province of a work on etiquette to look somewhat into the subject4 ,if one would control others he must first control himself1 possess himself4 ,delsarte looked upon the nature of man as a trinity1 and believed that the mental1 moral and physical should be educated at the same time4 ,modern education tends to develop man in special directions to the neglect of others4 ,either the overstrained mental faculties revenge themselves by giving us the nervous1 broken-down1 mental type so common2 or else we have the crude physical type wherein ordinary labor has exercised but a few muscles and joints4 ,the ,three ,languages4 ,again1 says ,delsarte1 ,man has for the expression of his triune nature three languages1 the word1 the tone1 the gesture4 ,tones express bodily conditions1 pleasure or pain4 ,words are symbols to interpret thought4 ,gestures relate to other beings and express our emotions4 ,of these three1 the first receives undue cultivation1 since we study all the words that have been said or written1 while singers and actors alone cultivate tone or gesture4 ,thus it comes that the soul struggles to speak through an imperfect instrument2 sometimes it ceases to struggle and finally has nothing to say4 ,in labor the man moves1 special muscles do special work1 but when a man is moved1 an undulating wave of feeling passes over him and his whole body becomes eloquent4 ,a bow may be so careless and jerky as to be almost an insult1 or it may be so gracious as to seem a caress4 ,again1 the real self1 gracious and beautiful1 may strive to express itself through a set of faculties that are hardened and narrowed by decades of self-constraint on the part of himself and his ancestors4 ,physical habits have a way of making themselves felt by a reflex action on the inner nature1 and with this axiom in view we feel that cultivation of the ,delsartean ,art of ,expression becomes a vital part of our education to the end that all our emotions and all our tones may become the outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual nature4 ,this principle may be called the keynote of ,delsarteanism1 and ,edmond ,russell1 that modern exponent thereof1 claims that as these beautiful1 expressive gymnastics are for the purpose of correcting individual deviations from grace1 no regular set of rules should be printed for the use of all1 but that each special angularity of person or harshness of tone must be corrected by special exercises4 ,harmonious ,development of the ,body4 ,nevertheless1 there are many set forms of movements by the practice of which none can fail to derive benefit both for the inner and the outer man4 ,other physical gymnastics seek to give strength to certain sets of muscles to the neglect of others4 ,the rythmical movements of the ,delsarte system bring into action each muscle of the body without wearying any1 to the harmonious developing of all1 since in all1 save exceptional cases1 it will be found1 upon beginning this treatment1 that more than half the muscles of the body are unused1 while the other1 and overworked half1 move in stiff and angular fashion4 ,all students will discover it is first requisite that an undoing process shall precede the upbuilding process4 ,stiffness of joint1 or tension of muscles1 whether recognized or not1 must first be done away with before the body can be molded to the expression of high thought4 ,for this purpose the decomposing1 relaxing or devitalizing motions are given4 ,the old gymnast doubled up the fist and1 with great tension1 gave a blow which jarred the whole nervous system4 ,the freeing motions of ,delsarte give harmonious1 restful1 wave movements to all portions of the anatomy4 ,graceful motions are never in the nature of a blow struck straight from the shoulder1 but curves and spirals constitute the lines of beauty4 ,nature shows us this in the free untrammelled motions of a child1 or again in man1 when his whole nature is so stirred to its best and sweetest depths that he is carried out of his usual tense1 conscious self into unconscious rythmic expression of his feeling4 ,what nature does for us in times of great excitement ,delsarte will do for us at all times by means of his exercises1 practiced until the conscious mechanical motion becomes unconscious1 automatic1 and the body grows responsive to all high emotions and impulses4 ,relaxing the ,muscles4 ,in relaxing movements1 the whole arm and hand1 shoulder1 elbow1 wrist1 fingers1 are shaken until the joints are completely relaxed and a warm1 tingling sensation passes through the entire arm4 ,it is then dropped at the side in perfect passivity4 ,the result is twofold--a feeling of repose and controlling power1 and an absence of that nervous tendency to fidget1 or handle something1 glove buttons1 or watch chain1 without which a morning call can scarcely be accomplished by either hostess or guest4 ,this alone will give us a sense of perfect rest which we have never before experienced4 ,similar exercises are given for other portions of the body--legs and feet--a revolving of the head to limber the neck2 a revolution of the shoulders and the body to gain that flexibility which is the secret of grace4 ,delsartean exercises break up constrained awkward physical habits1 establish in their stead restful1 graceful1 natural ones4 ,of these there are many classes4 ,the ,delsarte relaxing exercises precede and prepare the way for all others4 ,in their restful removal of nerve-tension they appeal especially to the overworked1 nervous class4 ,the ,delsarte sleep exercises are useful in overcoming insomnia4 ,the ,delsarte laws of expression give us a key to character1 study1 and the laws that underlie all art4 ,the ,delsarte work develops self-possession4 ,the ,delsarte rythmical exercises enable one not only to appear better and feel better1 but1 by a reflex action1 to be better4 ,in this physical work the first object is an entire1 absolute letting go of all unnecessary tension1 all tension that has overstrained the muscles through an excess of effort in our daily life1 though many times this effort is purely unconscious on the part of the individual4 ,how many a patient1 trusting soul do we see with the muscles of the forehead strained and elevated until the eyebrows never fall to their normal height1 or the brows are contracted until the hard lines graven between the eyes ever bespeak either pain or care4 ,the founders of the ,benedictine nuns caught some echo of this truth when1 by a rule of their order1 no sister among them is permitted to wear a frown upon her brow4 ,and the placid-faced sisterhood evidence in their sweet expressions the close relation between the exoteric and esoteric of our natures2 the reflex action between the physical and the spiritual entities of our being4 ,art of ,breathing4 ,there are a few general points that may be given here to the improvement of many little habits that unconsciously enslave us and to the letting go of the officious personal endeavor that we make1 as it were1 to hold ourselves together--never believing that nature is more capable of the task4 ,after the decomposing exercises comes the practice of one of the first ,delsartean axioms3 ,control at the center1 freedom at the extremities4 ,without this control the newly acquired flexibility will be weak and affected4 ,to obtain this control the art of breathing must first be acquired4 ,to do this properly the chest should be inflated and thrown forward by the action of the diaphragm and held as the most prominent part of the body2 a position too often usurped by the inferior abdomen4 ,the same motion which throws out the chest should draw in the lower part of the trunk1 hanging it from the curve of the spine4 ,in the proper attitude for good breathing the hips turn slightly inward and the chin goes back1 but not up4 ,there should be no effort to throw back the shoulders4 ,take care of the chest1 and the shoulders will take care of themselves4 ,position of the ,shoulders4 ,mrs4 ,edmond ,russell says she would like to make a call that would reach every man and woman in the country4 ',lift up your shoulders4' ,when one says this nine-tenths of them stiffen at the neck1 throw themselves backward and project the body below the waist1 the whole figure out of line4 ,no1 you should get the poise of a ,greek goddess4 ,lift the chest1 with the shoulders down1 until it is on a line with the toes4 ,this throws the extension on the center of the body where it should be4 ,the heart and lungs now have full play4 ,close the lips2 draw in the air through the nostrils1 using the muscles below the diaphragm as a bellows1 until the pressure against the ribs has a bursting sensation4 ,keep this tension firmly and steadily as long as you can2 then slowly and gradually let the breath out through the lips4 ,if you wish to sing1 or recite1 or even to talk1 see what power is at your command4 ,try this breathing1 inspiration1 retention1 expiration--these three movements--at night before you go to bed1 when the body is free2 in the morning before you dress4 ,when you walk take in great1 glorious lungsful of air until full1 or deep breathing becomes a habit4 ,believe me1 breathing properly is a certain cure for nervousness1 shyness and embarrassment4 ,it gives command and freedom of motion1 a sense of power4 ,keep the lips closed and breathe only through the nostrils4 ,this is a most important fact to remember1 and should always be impressed upon children4 ,the cold air should never be taken directly into the lungs as is the case when it is inhaled through the parted lips4 ,children1 as well as grown people1 should learn to keep the mouth closed during sleep2 this would prevent many lung diseases1 the disagreeable habit of snoring1 and the vacant1 inane expression produced by an open mouth4 ,there is no better exercise to acquire a good habit of breathing than reading aloud4 ,try how much can be read easily1 without strain1 upon a single inflation of the lungs4 ,never gasp1 catch up1 or piece out a breath4 ,you may add years to your life by the simple act of breathing4 ,every public speaker knows1 or should know1 the feeling of repose and self-possession that comes over him as he calmly1 silently1 faces his audience long enough to draw three of these deep1 full breaths4 ,nervousness has vanished2 he and his audience have had time to become acquainted1 and1 having command over himself1 he is able to command the minds of those before him4 ,standing and ,walking4 ,when one has learned to breathe properly1 then it is that standing and walking may be practiced4 ,lift up the chest1 inflate the lungs naturally1 as in paragraph on breathing1 then step up to the front of a door1 letting the toes touch the woodwork4 ,at the same time the forehead should meet the upper portion of the door1 when it may be assumed that a perfect standing posture has been taken4 ,the poise will seem at first to be a little forward of a straight line1 but to disprove this it will be found that a plumb line dropped from the ear will fall through shoulder1 hip and ankle4 ,the head will be poised as if to carry a burden steadily on the crown and the weight of the body will rest on the ball of the foot1 not the heel4 ,this position may seem insecure at first1 as well as stiff and self-conscious4 ,with some this sensation will wear off sooner than with others1 according to their adaptability1 and the result will be assured power for long1 graceful1 strengthening walks4 ,in walking1 a common fault is to let the knees bend continuously2 this gives a flabbyness to the whole personal expression1 that always seems an outward exponent of a weak-kneed character4 ,the knees1 to obviate this1 should be stiffened when walking4 ,in the other extreme1 most women stiffen the ankle-joint unduly1 thus giving a straight up and down cramped walk1 which is accompanied by coming down with all force upon the heel1 thereby producing a jar throughout the entire nervous system1 as well as an awkward locomotion4 ,in this way all benefit of the strong1 natural spring of the instep1 which tends to lessen this jar and give grace and springiness to the step is lost1 and much weariness of the flesh is the result4 ,mrs4 ,russell says3 ,we have a system of levers to do our walking with1 and they act precisely as do all levers4 ,one leg is a lever to pry the body over the other leg1 and the latter becomes a pendulum and swings back by force of gravity4 ,when you walk three miles and feel as if you could walk ten1 you are walking that way4 ,when you are tired out1 you are taking irregular steps and walking on your heels4 ,in walking the foot should be used as an elastic arch1 the ball striking the ground first1 not the heel4 ,trying to step too far is productive of awkwardness4 ,hurrying is another cause4 ,it is bad walking to lift up your foot and put it down4 ,if the sole of the foot shows at all1 it should be from the rear4 ,what is wanting is elasticity4 ,swinging the arms in walking1 which is universal1 is absolutely unnecessary1 and purely a waste of strength4 ,let them hang pendulum fashion4 ,stair-,climbing4 ,trained stair-climbers should be the healthiest as well as the most beautiful of women1 yet1 says ,mrs4 ,russell1 a town of stairs given1 and ,i will prophesy thin1 eye-circled1 cross-looking women4 ,all of this is to be laid to the fact that most women climb stairs in the hardest and most awkward manner4 ,in going upstairs there should be no waddling from side to side1 no trudging1 no leaning forward1 and no apparent weariness4 ,the body should remain erect1 the step should be taken with the ball of the foot1 and the movement to the next step be made with a springing motion4 ,this produces a graceful1 poetic elevation instead of a cumbersome hauling of the body upward1 and throws all of the strain upon the strong muscles of the calf of the leg4 ,this slightly accented springing from step to step leads the true system of pacing on level ground2 hence1 the stairway may be made the walker's gymnasium4 ,art of ,letting ,go4 ,relax1 relax1 says ,edmond ,russell4 ,let go the tense hold of your arms that is wearing out your vitality4 ,you will get rest by doing this4 ,sleepless people will fall asleep4 ,stop holding yourself in a knot and relax4 ,hold up the chest1 breathe slowly and deeply through the nose1 and relax the extremities4 ,try letting go1 says ,mrs4 ,russell2 it is a great rest4 ,you can let yourself go for a few moments in the theater1 in a crowd1 in church1 in the street car1 anywhere4 ,it is the universal habit to hold on to one's self with a grip that would almost lift one's weight1 muscles tightened1 nerves strained to no purpose4 ,the mind is too eager and fast for the body4 ,the result is exhaustion4 ,how shall it be avoided8 ,take the will out of the body when it is not in action4 ,in walking1 let the lower limbs do the work2 the arms have nothing to do3 let them be carried as attachments1 pendulums if you will1 but at rest4 ,let the hands fall easily when sitting in carriage1 street car1 or drawing-room4 ,on ,corset ,wearing4 ,the wearing of corsets meets the strong disapproval of all ,delsarteans1 as control of the breath underlies gesture1 walk and voice1 and a tightened corset-lace necessarily cramps the breathing power4 ,the tight1 high collar is also objectionable for the same reason4 ,an ,english writer justly observes that all the greater harmonies and higher courtesies of life must extend over the whole body4 ,now1 in great emotions the chest expands1 and especially the lower part where the ribs are freest and intended to expand most1 and this part it is that tight corsets most compress to attain the artificial waist4 ,the figure1 trying to accommodate itself to the new conditions becomes deteriorated in all directions4 ,the back grows rounded1 the ribs fall in1 and the stomach obtrudes itself unduly2 all this to the injury of health and of harmonious beauty of form4 ,mr4 ,russell also asserts that a forced compression of the waist damages the power of the figure as an instrument for the expression of emotions1 the result of all this being an unfavorable reaction upon the mind and character of the unfortunate victims4 ,one of his maxims is3 ,a beautiful woman is at her lowest plane in a tight-fitting dress2 an ugly woman on her highest in drapery6 ,general ,remarks4 ,educated men and women of to-day study social1 domestic and political economy1 forgetting that vital economy that ,delsarte teaches is more essential to our interests and the interests of our descendants4 ,relax1 relax1 relax6 one is tempted to cry in unison with ,edmond ,russell4 ,give us what there is in you4 ,make yourself a being whose body is the exponent of the soul responsive to every command of the spirit4 ,cease limping through life on high-heeled shoes4 ,cease lifting the shoulders1 fidgeting the hands1 painfully raising the eyebrows1 and contorting the face into a meaningless smile4 ,remember that all facial contortions leave indelible traces in their wake4 ,the laugh1 or broad smile that half closes1 or squints the eyes1 engraves those fine ray-like1 much-dreaded lines about the eye1 known as crow's feet4 ,remember that laughter ages the face more than tears4 ,smile more often with the eyes4 ,let them light up and laugh for you4 ,trust me1 in most cases a vast improvement will result1 since scarcely any adult laughs well1 and if there is some trait of affectation1 frivolity1 cruelty1 or even coarseness in the character1 uncontrolled laughter will be the sure exponent thereof4 ,rest more4 ,do not try to accomplish too many things at once4 ,do not let your thoughts be weeks or days ahead of you and the task in hand4 ,this would be imposing double duty upon the already strained physique4 ,if the body is at one store1 do not let the mind fly off to shop in half a dozen other stores to snatch bargains from the hands of other over-burdened ones4 ,straighten out the frowns on your strained brows4 ,cease carrying numberless loose packages1 and loads of heavy skirts in your hands1 and struggling with the well-dressed mob to secure coveted bargains4 ,they are dearly bought at the loss of beauty1 youth and repose4 ,one such day ages the face4 ,if you do not believe it1 ye dwellers in cities1 go stand before your mirror next time you reach home1 dusty1 rasped1 fragmentary1 weary from a day of counter-shoving1 neither mistress of yourself nor those about you1 and the face that meets your gaze will tell its own story4 ,rightly does ,herbert ,spencer say1 ,we have had something too much of the gospel of work1 it is time to preach the gospel of relaxation4 ,and this chapter will have reached its aim if it shall be the means of inducing any to become disciples of ,delsarte1 restful converts of this gospel of relaxation1 which is one with the ,gospel of ,beauty4 ,illustration ,,art ,,of ,,dress ,illustration ,dress may be called the speech of the body1 says ,mrs4 ,haweis4 ,a woman's dress should be so much the expression of herself that1 seeing it1 we think not of the gown1 but of the woman who is its soul4 ,the true art of dress is reached when it serves only to heighten the charms of the wearer1 not to draw attention from her to center upon her garments4 ,one writer on beauty in dress claims that the object is threefold3 to cover1 to warm1 to beautify1 and in dealing with this latter point farther says that1 rather than to beautify1 it is to emphasize beauty4 ,to this statement should be added that its mission is also to minimize or do away with defects4 ,most dressing is done to enhance the beauty of the face1 but women should remember that the tint of the complexion1 the color of hair and eyes1 are but a small part of the personnel4 ,the physique must be taken into account4 ,the type is a fact fixed and inevitable1 and the woman is wise who sets herself steadfastly to develop and emphasize its beauties and overshadow and efface its defects4 ,it is only by real study that a woman grows to understand and analyze her type and suit all accessories to her own personality2 to adjust1 as it were1 her relations4 ,art1 after all1 is simply1 as ,edmund ,russell admirably defines it1 relations1 the right thing in the right place4 ,study your own individuality and assert it in your dress4 ,no woman need be ugly if she knows her own points1 and some points of attractiveness every woman has4 ,lord ,chesterfield1 that cynical man of the world1 assures us that no woman is ugly when she is well dressed4 ,that is1 dressed with reference to revealing good points and concealing weak ones4 ,time spent in this study is gain1 when one remembers in how many ways actual outward ugliness is an impediment4 ,the greater portion of ill-tempered1 ugly women are ill-tempered simply because they believe themselves hopelessly ugly4 ,a woman1 finding her fairer friends constantly preferred despite her vain attempts to please1 grows disheartened1 then sarcastic1 envious1 ill-tempered1 half unconsciously4 ,knowledge is power2 beauty and knowledge combined are well-nigh all-powerful4 ,stout and ,thin4 ,texture1 color and form must all be considered in relation to the personal appearance or type4 ,the beautiful in itself is not always a safe guide1 but its beauty in relation to the wearer must be the test4 ,fair1 delicate1 slender women make a great mistake when they over-weigh themselves with rich1 heavy fabrics1 no matter how beautiful these may be in themselves4 ,instead1 they should keep to clinging1 draping materials1 sheer lawns and shining silks4 ,on the contrary1 the very stout woman may wear all manner of rich gownings that fall in gracious massive folds4 ,clad thus1 her size will have about it a restful element of repose4 ,let her beware of closely fitted gowns4 ,these tend to enhance the size they are supposed to conceal4 ,watteau or ,princess robes falling from the shoulder in unbroken lines render her imposing4 ,little ruffles should be avoided1 or frills of lace1 and whatever drapery there be should fall from shoulder or hip2 this gives long curving undulations that follow every movement4 ,the stout woman should leave black satin severely alone2 reflecting the light1 it reveals form and size relentlessly4 ,revealed form is vulgar1 suggested form poetic1 says the high art of to-day1 and who would not be poetic and gracious if she could8 ,if stout women1 declares ,edmund ,russell1 would learn to move in grand1 slow rhythm1 and wear textures so heavy that the lines of their figures were concealed1 they would have a grandeur and dignity that no slender woman could hope to attain4 ,women must recognize their defects before they can hope to correct them4 ,a tall1 angular woman must adopt soft1 fleecy materials1 so made that they can float and curve about all ungraceful angles1 hiding1 or softening them4 ,she of a deficient figure must never wear a plain1 tightly fitting gown1 unless it is relieved1 and filled out with soft full vests1 or veiled with falling folds of lace4 ,there is only an occasional perfect form that will bear the merciless revelation of the plain1 tight habit1 and even then the suggestion of a concealing drapery heightens the beauty of the revealed curves4 ,all dress should be governed by shawl instead of glove rule1 assert the latest canons of costume4 ,tall or ,short4 ,there are proportionately more women that are too short1 than too tall4 ,always a little sensitive to this defect1 some try to increase their stature by high heels1 which renders their gait awkward1 besides being injurious to health4 ,others endeavor to add to their apparent height by cultivating a long waist4 ,this they do at the expense of shortening the lower limbs1 thus making themselves seem shorter than they actually are4 ,others strive to attain the same end by dressing the hair high1 in this way too often adding to the apparent bulk of the head and giving a top-heavy appearance to the figure4 ,it is here that a full-length glass becomes almost a necessity in the dressing-room1 so that the entire effect of the figure may be observed at once1 and defects of this nature detected at a glance4 ,sometimes a high ornament worn at the top of the head apparently increases height1 but beware of any bulky style4 ,long lines of drapery from shoulder to foot give the effect of height4 ,horizontal lines crossing the figure shorten the form4 ,short1 stout women1 by wearing short basques that make a line about the hips1 or ruffles and puffs at the shoulders1 increase their bulk and shorten their stature4 ,women too tall and slender use horizontal lines and puffed and ruffled effects to great advantage1 thus increasing the apparent size of an arm by puffs and surrounding bands1 or hips by the descriptive line of a basque4 ,the way of wearing the hair1 also1 may greatly change the whole appearance4 ,worn at the nape of the neck it is domestic2 lower1 romantic2 on a level with the head1 classic2 on top of the head1 stylish4 ,decorations4 ,a tenet of ,delsartean art asserts that1 ,a decoration is to make something else beautiful and must not assert1 but sacrifice itself4 ,ornament that has no use whatever is never1 in any high sense1 beautiful4 ,a trimming with no reason for being is generally ungraceful4 ,buttons which fasten nothing should never be scattered over a garment4 ,bows1 which are simply strings tied together1 should only be placed where there is some possible use for strings tied together4 ,in short1 according to ,mrs4 ,haweis1 ,anything that looks useful1 and is useless1 is in bad taste4 ,for instance1 the dress imitating a peasant or a fishwife is never so graceful or piquant as the real costume1 since the handkerchief covering the peasant's bare neck is much more picturesque than a bodice trimmed in form of a kerchief4 ,slashes are at all times a most beautiful decoration4 ,at shoulder1 elbow1 breast1 edge of a flattened cap1 the knees1 cut just where a devotee of comfort might cut them to give more freedom of movement4 ,the slash forms an unrivalled opportunity for displays of color4 ,deep blue1 parting to display a glimpse of amber1 white through black1 the combinations are endless1 and the whole gives the idea of a glimpse of an undergarment through an outer one4 ,the contrast of a lining of vest1 sleeve or panel is also a harmonious ornament4 ,dcollet ,costume4 ,it is not the province of this work to decide the vexed question of the low-cut bodice for full dress4 ,in this respect every woman will be a law unto herself1 and every woman knows in her own mind the border line below which the corsage should not fall4 ,all1 however1 do not know how greatly the hard1 horizontal line of the low-cut bodice diminishes the appearance of height4 ,herein lies the great advantage of the heart or square-shaped opening showing the throat1 since a dress high behind1 or on the shoulders1 gives all the height4 ,last1 but not least1 all the lovely curves of the throat are shown in this way1 and any suspicion of angularity of the collar bone is hidden4 ,a dress should never end directly upon the skin4 ,the line of contact should always be softened by an edge of lace1 tulle1 or ruching4 ,first1 for the idea of cleanliness2 second1 because nature abhors sharp edges4 ,in flowers there are contrasts of color1 but they are always softened1 each shade stealing a little from the other as they blend4 ,a regularly dcollet gown is properly worn only during the same hours that a gentleman's dress suit is donned1 that is1 from dusk to dawn4 ,sharp edges should be avoided as much as possible in the entire costume4 ,a glove that ends exactly at the wrist bone1 or a boot at the ankle joint1 with a straight line1 is always ugly2 so are dresses when they are cut in a circle close to the juncture of the neck with the shoulder1 giving the neck a decapitated appearance4 ,the line of contrast should always be softened with an edge of lace1 or a necklace1 and only round1 pretty throats should dare such a display4 ,the skirt ought to appear1 even if it is not1 as a portion and a continuance of the bodice4 ,that is1 if the bodice be cut to fit the figure tightly1 the skirt ought properly to be plainly gored4 ,if the bodice be full at the waist line1 the skirt also should contain fullness1 for this form signifies a loose1 full garment bound at the waist with a girdle4 ,full waists and plain skirts1 or vice versa1 betray at once that skirt and bodice do not belong to each other4 ,this course1 however1 is admissible at times1 for instance1 in case of the lovely1 loose tea-jackets worn now1 or in donning any cool lawn blouse1 or dressing sacque for comfort4 ,the trained skirt is a most graceful garb1 adding to height and diminishing stoutness1 but it is never suitable for the street4 ,for house1 evening or carriage toilets it is eminently proper and pretty4 ,all the movements of the form are softened and dignified by its sweeping undulations until one comes to feel that short skirts are really a mistake for a house gown1 since so much grace and beauty of motion are sacrificed thereby4 ,graceful ,sleeves4 ,few women have beautiful arms above the elbow4 ,fatness is not correctness of form1 so that a short sleeve1 no sleeve1 or the painful strap which is all so many evening dresses can boast1 is by no means always a thing of beauty4 ,a sleeve that falls in lace and frills just below the elbow hides many defects1 besides softening1 and rendering delicate1 the lower arm and the hand4 ,a sleeve long enough to turn upward as a cuff1 is much more effective than a simulated cuff1 just as the thing itself is always better than an imitation4 ,a sleeve that stops short at the wrist joint should be relieved by lace to be artistic4 ,full sleeves improve every form4 ,the very stout should never make the mistake of wearing a very tight sleeve1 since to do so simply increases the apparent size of the arm4 ,a full sleeve bound to the arm between joints gives an impression of comfort and beauty like the slashed sleeve before mentioned4 ,painters have immortalized beautiful sleeves1 as well as beautiful costumes4 ,indeed1 to decide on really beautiful gowns one must study the great masters--,gainsborough1 ,reynolds1 ,watteau--until the study of costume becomes what it should be--a study of art4 ,purchasing4 ,there should never be trying contrasts in the quality of the various articles that go to make up the sum-total of dress4 ,to expend almost the entire allowance on a gorgeous bonnet that puts every other detail of the costume to blush1 or to wear a shabby cloak with an elegant gown are examples of injudicious expenditure4 ,instead1 let it be remembered how many articles must be purchased and then so expend the sum to be drawn upon that it will not be exhausted on two or three expensive articles to the neglect of the necessary accessories4 ,an important point to be considered is the surroundings in which the garments are to be worn4 ,whether one is to drive over country roads or walk city streets2 whether they must last one season or more4 ,in this latter case care should be taken to choose quiet colors and inconspicuous patterns4 ,if the gown must serve many purposes let it be of some plain wool goods1 tastefully made1 hat and gloves harmonizing in tint1 the whole bearing the imprint of the true lady and suitable for almost any occasion4 ,at the same time the entire outfit will have cost no more than the dearly-purchased silk gown that left no margin for hat1 gloves1 or shoes1 and must be worn on every occasion1 suitable or unsuitable1 to the discomfort of the wearer and the ruin of the gown4 ,if riding about in the country1 choose wool fabrics that will not crease easily1 or show dust1 and for summer1 cotton materials that will come bright and fresh from the hands of the laundress4 ,the ,young ,girl4 ,sweet simplicity alone should be the guide for the young girl's costume4 ,the dewy bloom of the cheek1 the clear young eyes1 the soft rosebud lips1 the sweet curves of the lithe form that come but once in a lifetime1 are what we want most to see4 ,no heavy velvets or gorgeous trimmings should be worn by any girl under twenty-one4 ,to call attention to her ornaments is to detract from her priceless ornament of sweet and fleeting youth4 ,simple muslins and wools1 soft1 clinging silks and gauzes should be worn4 ,flowers are preferable to jewels4 ,a necklace of pearls may be worn1 should the complexion warrant1 but other than this is a waste of money1 and a waste of beauty4 ,soft colors1 where the skin permits1 simplicity in cut1 little if any trimming1 and we have the costume most fitting for a girl to wear1 and when we say fitting we have found the key to perfect dressing4 ,diamonds and ,precious ,stones4 ,women seem to look upon diamonds as a sort of social parole1 while1 in truth1 there are but few women who can wear them without detracting from their own brilliancy2 without sacrificing themselves to their jewels4 ,dark1 brilliant eyes and dazzling teeth may wear them safely1 or1 very clear1 cool skins with bright1 blue eyes may dare them at their own risk4 ,yet1 to tip the ear with diamond fire is sure to call attention from the best points of the face1 and in too many cases simply effaces and outshines the face itself4 ,edmond ,russell severely criticises diamond solitaires for earrings and esteems the stone a difficult one to wear except when small and used in quantities as settings for other jewels4 ,the secret of good taste in jewels is for a woman to seek out those gems whose colors harmonize with or heighten her own tints1 as she does the shades for her gown1 and confine herself to them4 ,it is quite the thing now to have a special stone1 as it is to have a special perfume4 ,for instance1 the turquoise is very becoming to some 7it is ,mrs4 ,langtry's stone71 garnets or rubies to others4 ,the pearl1 where it can be worn1 softens the face more than any other jewel4 ,the moonstone is very nearly as effective1 as well as the beautiful opal4 ,rings1 some authorities say1 should be worn in barbaric profusion1 or not at all4 ,a slender1 beautifully modeled hand can afford to be guiltless of rings4 ,one less perfect in shape1 but white1 can be enhanced in charm by a blaze of jewels4 ,plump ,women4 ,in the days of the painter ,rubens stout women were the most fashionable creatures that walked the face of the earth4 ,rubens would paint none other than those of very firm build1 and so artistically did he drape them1 so cleverly did he pose them1 and so well did he color them1 that every woman aspired to sit for his pictures4 ,to be painted by ,rubens was a guarantee of beauty1 grace and feminine loveliness of every description4 ,the ,rubens woman is a stout woman of good figure4 ,stout women nearly always have fine forms4 ,their bust line is good4 ,it is low and the neck curve full1 even if not very long4 ,the ,rubens artist makes the most of these good points and conceals others4 ,in modern times1 however1 the stout woman finds that the fashions are rarely meant for her4 ,in view of this1 a number of wealthy ,new ,york women have banded themselves together in a ,rubens ,club1 with one of its chief aims the designing of dresses for the members4 ,for this purpose a professional designer is chosen1 an artist of no mean merit4 ,the president of the ,rubens ,club1 who is a woman of beauty and wealth and great loveliness of manner1 had the honor of having the first gown designed for herself4 ,this was an evening robe of great beauty1 a regular ,rubens gown4 ,the materials were dead white cashmere and dull black satin1 with a very little lace and jet4 ,the under gown1 or the gown itself1 more strictly speaking1 fell from the shoulders in a long1 loose robe4 ,in the front there was a center trimming of black satin and lace and a heavy ruffle of lace outlined the bust and suggested the waist4 ,a few jets were added4 ,the back fitted closely1 and around the foot extended a deep band of the black4 ,over the ,rubens gown fell a robe of the satin4 ,it was caught at each shoulder and fell into a train three feet long when the wearer walked4 ,in repose it lay around her feet1 giving her height and a becoming setting4 ,the good points of this gown are1 first1 the way it showed off the very plump neck of the wearer4 ,the fine throat line was visible1 but at the shoulders1 where too much massiveness takes the place of fine firm flesh1 the robe was draped4 ,the arms were likewise covered at the top1 their thickest part1 and1 as the robe fell over them when in repose1 much of their apparent size disappeared4 ,the robe had one very odd feature4 ,the train was a doublet one4 ,the back of the robe was little more than walking length1 but the ends were very long indeed4 ,this made a square court train like a monarch's robe1 and could be easily brought front by the hand1 for trimming or drapery when the wearer was not walking4 ,black ,satin and ,sparkling ,jets4 ,in choosing the color of the gown to be snow-white instead of cream color1 the artist knew what he was specifying4 ,white is a diminishing color1 while cream color enlarges4 ,the same with black satin4 ,satin1 being full of lights and shades1 is uncertain in size1 and it is preferable to silk or velvet1 which makes the person thicker4 ,the jets are dressy1 wicked little ornaments that wink at you unexpectedly and disappear4 ,much pains are taken in choosing colors1 and then comes the artist's real work4 ,the hardest thing is to fit out his patrons with street gowns that will be conventional1 and yet ,rubenesque4 ,to do this he takes advantage of the cape idea4 ,a stout woman in a neat fitting gown1 not too close under the bust1 looks picturesque with a golf cape swinging from one shoulder4 ,it gives her height4 ,the dolmans that open in front and fall low at each side are admirable also1 according to his ideas4 ,,colors ,,and ,,complexions4 ,illustration ,a thing should be beautiful in itself1 and it should be beautiful for you4 ,good dressing includes a suggestion of poetry2 but to gain this poetic grace careful study must be made of hair1 eyes and skin1 for a dress that is beautiful in itself1 or beautiful on one wearer1 may be a failure on another4 ,study to compose your costume well2 then1 donning it1 cease to think of it or yourself4 ,lead up gently to all contrasting colors that are introduced into a costume for linings of loose draperies1 sleeves1 or as vests4 ,glaring contrasts1 or spotty effects should be guarded against4 ,all brilliant colors in a costume should be reached gradually like a climax in music1 or a high light in a fine painting4 ,otherwise there is a jar1 and the harmony of relation is broken4 ,complexion ,determines ,dress ,colors4 ,sometimes a color used sparingly in a knot of ribbon1 or glimpsed as a lining1 is becoming1 while the same color1 used in quantity1 or as a ground color of the costume1 might prove inharmonious with the complexion4 ,it is well for every woman to choose a certain proved range of colors that she can bear1 and to venture cautiously or seldom on new experiments4 ,these colors will be found like a musical scale1 to harmonize well in almost any combination4 ,thus beauty1 convenience and economy are all consulted by loyalty to these proved shades4 ,endless arrangements might be suggested on the economical side of the question4 ,the light evening silk of the season before may be used for lining or form the long loose front of the tea-gown of the present4 ,the rich draperies of last year's carriage gown may fitly furnish forth the natty velvet vest and dainty bonnet to wear with this year's street suit1 and nothing be lost4 ,one more caution as to colors4 ,the very delicate blonde who has reveled in palest1 daintiest shades must beware of presuming too long on that evanescent bloom1 lest she find herself basing the color of her dress on a flower that faded years ago4 ,or else1 maybe1 on one that has unfolded into a richer bloom1 and by not adapting her color scale to the changes of time1 she loses all the beauty of the present4 ,another mistake women make is to forget that lovely childish curves of early youth change with the advancing years and the babyish style of dressing1 so becoming then1 may be worn too long4 ,the rounded throat of the plump woman becomes muscular all too soon1 and the delicate throat of the slender woman is too prone to lose its soft outlines4 ,the changes of color that occur almost always in cool1 pale blondes are often but changes in beauty2 still1 these changes in complexion must be met with changes in dress4 ,combinations of ,color4 ,a secret of artistic dressing is to match the hair as nearly as possible for day and the eyes for evening4 ,the producing of an all-over effect by drapery1 veiling1 and head-gear of the same shade is most thoroughly artistic4 ,these two high art axioms may be given as a safe foundation for the choice of colors1 in following which no one can greatly err4 ,the woman of mezzo-tints1 of soft half-tones of complexion1 hair and eyes1 loses all color and force when she clothes herself with deep1 intense hues4 ,low1 warm1 unaggressive shades are needed as a background to bring out all her own best points4 ,some people1 says ,miss ,oakey1 have many possibilities of form and color which may be brought out under special treatment1 but most people have only the one possibility which can be improved upon4 ,certain women may be dressed in one set of colors that emphasize the whiteness of their skin2 and1 in still another1 that bring out their own color1 while others must be content with one certain range of tints4 ,red ,hair1 with ,brown ,eyes4 ,this type of woman may wear amber1 deep lined with fawn or pale yellowish pink2 dark1 rich red1 like a red hollyhock2 creamy-white 7creamy-white satin with pearls and old point lace72 olives and dark greens1 claret1 maroon1 plum and gold color4 ,jewels--topaz1 amber1 pearls and gold ornaments4 ,all manner of lovely combinations may be made out of these colors2 especially dark amber1 approaching brown1 contrasted with pale fawn or gold color4 ,topazes for jewels4 ,sable furs and the deeper shade of mink are exceedingly becoming1 and the same colors of the fur can be had in most dress materials4 ,there is also a certain shade of maroon which makes red hair a positive golden1 and throws into bold relief the clear white tint of the complexion even when there are freckles4 ,these same freckles are also improved by the wearing of this maroon color4 ,red ,hair1 with ,gray or ,green ,eyes4 ,this type may wear all the above colors1 adding to them all the browns and purples4 ,amethysts may be worn with the grays4 ,grays and any of the above greens contrast beautifully4 ,the ,ineffective ,type4 ,this style of woman has dull1 light brown hair1 no brilliancy of complexion1 usually gray or blue eyes4 ,the type often numbers some of our most spiritual and intellectual women1 as well as1 very often1 our constitutionally delicate women4 ,it is a type very difficult to dress effectively4 ,the black of velvet may be worn1 and soft wools relieved by velvet or lace2 creamy white1 by casting reflected lights1 clears the complexion4 ,be careful of this however4 ,warm1 pale pink may be worn with it4 ,invisible blues and greens 7in other words1 very dark shades74 ,the palest possible pink may be combined with these as linings1 vests or ribbons4 ,pale pink1 lined with a pink almost white2 pale1 but not chalky blues4 ,blue should not be worn in silk1 unless of a very dull or lusterless quality4 ,stylish and ,appropriate ,jewels4 ,if the eyes are blue1 sapphires may be permitted 7a gray sapphire is best72 pearls1 the greenish turquoise1 moonstones1 intaglios1 cameos1 antique coins4 ,this ineffective type frequently1 because of better health1 gains a warmer glow to the skin and a richer tone to the hair4 ,in this case there may be added to the above colors yellow-browns1 fawn-browns1 and a little lighter green1 contrasted with the darker greens4 ,brown-black hair1 steel-gray eyes1 fair skin with color in cheeks1 may wear all greens 7save the very light71 cream-white1 fawns1 grays1 browns1 reds1 violet1 a rich pink1 and all blues4 ,if any type can wear black with impunity1 this can4 ,for jewels1 any desired stone4 ,black hair1 very dark eyes1 golden-brown skin1 warm color1 brilliantly white teeth1 may wear rich browns1 clarets1 deep amber1 cream-white1 warm pinks and flame-color4 ,avoid black and very pale colors4 ,yellow may be worn sometimes1 but with a warning here to the black-haired type in general4 ,a writer on color wisely says that yellow is a color that should be suspiciously approached with black hair4 ,it is very often but a vulgar contrast4 ,for jewels1 diamonds and all rich colored precious stones4 ,black ,hair1 ,rather ,sallow ,skin4 ,this style can wear black1 but it must be relieved by white laces to soften and light up the face1 thus giving the effectness ,transcriber's ,note3 effectiveness of a drawing in black and white4 ,dark grays1 the dull reds occasionally4 ,there is a peculiar yellow-red1 dusty1 unluminous1 very dark1 that can be profitably worn4 ,flame-color can be worn as linings1 or trimmings1 though since there is so little color in this style1 no colors seem to have a true relation to it4 ,dull gold is about the only ornament that can be worn1 save a delicate onyx cameo4 ,flowers3 white water-lilies1 camellias1 or the darkest1 duskiest1 damask roses1 and none of these in such profusion as to appear conspicuous4 ,black ,hair1 ,clear ,skin1 ,blue ,eyes4 ,this beautiful combination gives a wide range of color for selection4 ,blues1 especially sapphire shades1 dark reds1 pale pink1 blue grays1 white1 both cream and blue-white1 and black1 solid and transparent4 ,for jewels1 pearls1 sapphires1 opals1 turquoise1 diamonds4 ,white flowers1 also violets1 pansies1 etc4 ,the woman with blue eyes should always have some blue about her4 ,it is really extremely interesting to notice how blue brought up close to the throat and then a bow of the same in her hair intensifies the blue in the eyes1 making even the pale1 wishy-washy orbs a deep violet4 ,when the blue beneath the face is too trying there must be some of the same put in the hair or hat1 as the case may be4 ,this applies to all colors4 ,brown hair1 warm brown skin1 brown eyes1 may wear browns1 yellows1 ambers1 cream-white1 rich blues1 tans1 fawns1 all reds1 olive-green and maroon2 flame-color1 and rose pink in small quantities4 ,this type can wear sharp brilliant contrasts of colors if she choose1 providing they keep within range4 ,black1 blue1 white and all cold1 pale colors are to be avoided4 ,the jewels may be diamonds and all rich colored stones4 ,brown-eyed women should wear brown for the very same reason that the blue-eyed woman should wear blue4 ,not necessarily entire brown costumes1 but brown placed near enough the face to have the desired effect4 ,dark brown hair1 creamy-white skin and velvety-brown eyes1 this combination is beautiful1 and may wear the black of silk1 or velvet with creamy lace to relieve the face4 ,dark reds1 purples and maroons1 peacock-green1 olive-green1 ambers1 violet1 rose pink1 with pearls1 amber1 topaz1 ruby1 garnet1 diamonds4 ,chestnut ,hair1 ,fair ,skin1 ,blue ,eyes4 ,this type can wear almost any color1 except mauve and mysterious1 pale colors4 ,to wear yellow1 she must contrast it with brown or subdued green4 ,chestnut hair1 gray or green eyes3 this type must be more cautious1 especially if the complexion be pale or sallow4 ,olive-green 7not too brown71 relieved with palest pink4 ,white contrasted with old gold4 ,dark and light blues2 purple with white2 lilac and burnt cream mingled 7pongee is burnt cream shade74 ,black with yellow greens4 ,red in small quantities4 ,in almost every eye there is a touch of green4 ,in some cases it is the predominant color1 and when that is the case green should be worn4 ,blonde1 fair hair 7pale gold or flaxen71 blue eyes1 with or without a rose flush3 this is one of the few types that can wear blue-white4 ,all cool1 refreshing colors2 cold silvery blues1 pale greens1 pale grays1 black1 even the shiny black of satin1 are all becoming4 ,heliotrope1 purple1 cool violet1 pink and lavender may be worn4 ,it may be mentioned here that1 while there are many other colors she can wear1 the cool blonde will never be better dressed than when adhering to the colors that rightfully belong to her1 and to her alone4 ,her style is never more charming than when arrayed in sheer1 floating1 gauzy materials4 ,but since winter must come1 silks1 velvets and all wools are at her disposal in the desired shades4 ,amethysts1 emeralds1 sapphires and opals should be her jewels4 ,almost ,any ,color4 ,the golden blonde gradually deepens in color as time passes on2 she has usually gray-green or hazel eyes1 and a warm1 rosy skin4 ,it is a type that has a wide range of color from which to choose4 ,warm reds and even flame-color can be worn1 but ambers1 yellows and fawns will be the more harmonious4 ,warm pink1 too1 black1 brown1 warm greens1 cream-white1 turquoise-blue1 violet1 purple and warm gray4 ,this same type with pale1 clear skin1 instead of the roseate blue1 must choose very different shades4 ,olive-greens1 all soft yellow-greens1 cream and transparent white1 pale peacock and turquoise-blues1 pale amber1 mauve pinks1 shades of amethyst and heliotrope are all suited to this type4 ,pearls1 opals1 moonstones1 turquoise and topaz1 all flowers may be worn1 also pansies1 sweet peas1 and pale tinted roses4 ,all blondes1 save the cool blonde1 deepen in color as time goes on4 ,let them watch for this1 drop their palest tints1 and adopt a few warmer hues4 ,occasionally1 we see a blonde in whom this deepening process has turned the hair to a golden brown1 brought out the warm golden tints of the skin1 and with it the blue eyes4 ,here the mistake is often made of ignoring the blue eyes4 ,this should never be done4 ,fawns and old golds are good for this type4 ,browns1 deep1 rich pinks1 blues1 all greens but the palest1 bluish grays1 cream-white and pansy-purple4 ,gray ,hair4 ,premature gray hair has a picturesque and charming effect1 often giving beauty to what might otherwise prove a commonplace countenance4 ,there are several types to be considered4 ,greenish gray hair1 premature or natural1 accompanied with brown1 or dark gray eyes1 and a skin in which the brownish tints prevail1 can wear all dark greens and olives1 blue1 browns1 and dark amber1 warm yellows and dark1 dusky reds1 yellowish-pinks1 dark blues and purple1 especially the brownish-purples1 also cream-white4 ,gray or black is to be avoided4 ,this range of color will1 of course1 be chosen from1 in accordance with the age of the wearer4 ,for jewels1 reddish topaz1 and amethyst are beautiful for this type1 and tea-roses a most effective flower4 ,gray hair with a lighter1 clear complexion and1 perhaps1 some color in the cheeks1 can wear the loveliest harmonies in grays4 ,black can also be adopted and any of the first mentioned colors except brown4 ,a pale complexion with gray or blue and snowy hair1 will be elegant in the black of lace or velvet4 ,prematurely gray with fine clear complexion1 either pale or roseate1 together with blue eyes1 is a magnificent type4 ,the gray hair gives the brilliancy of powder1 and diamonds combined with turquoise can be worn with fine effect2 pearls also4 ,the ,black ,gown4 ,women1 as a rule1 consider their wardrobe incomplete unless it embraces at least one good black gown4 ,so very convenient1 you know1 and suitable for so many occasions4 ,in many respects this is very true4 ,but there are several points to be considered4 ,first1 there are some types that should never wear black4 ,again1 there are others that must carefully discriminate between the black of velvet1 wool1 satin1 or lace1 and the transparent black of grenadine and gauze4 ,while to all comes the caution that1 after thirty years of age1 no woman can safely wear all black without thereby ageing her face4 ,black certainly whitens the skin by contrast1 but it brings out and deepens every line4 ,only plump1 fair1 unlined faces can safely bear the contrast4 ,in wearing black1 the material whose tone is most becoming to the skin1 must be chosen4 ,for instance1 very few skins can bear the glossy black of satin with its reflected lights4 ,black1 however1 may be softened by a profusion of cream laces or jetted until it scintillates with every motion1 and for evening wear the bodice may be cut low1 thus removing it from direct contrast with the face4 ,various ,hints4 ,blondes may1 if they choose1 wear yellows in harmony with their hair4 ,this possibility was first daringly acted upon by ,worth with most charming results4 ,blue eyes can always be deepened by wearing the appropriate shade of blue4 ,white can be worn by women of all ages1 and in almost all materials is it becoming4 ,for evening wear and for day wear it is most satisfactory4 ,southern women make a point of dressing in it altogether4 ,for evening wear1 where the complexion renders it possible1 a very pretty effect is produced by wearing colors that relate or melt into the skin tints1 such as pinky browns1 soft drabs1 ashes of roses or warm1 creamy tints1 like the heart of a tea-rose4 ,the ,choice of ,colors4 ,much more lies in choosing a becoming color than people generally imagine4 ,there is an old story told about some celebrated man1 whose lifelong devotion to his wife was considered somewhat remarkable1 as she was a very plain woman4 ,one of his friends asked him what had been the first thing about her that had attracted him4 ,he said3 ,a pink shawl that was lying on the back of the chair in which she was sitting made so pleasing a contrast to the white frock she wore that ,i thought only of that1 and upon asking for an introduction to her solely on account of the pink shawl1 ,i was then introduced to a wonderful fascination of manner and grace of mind which have enthralled me ever since4 ,a woman's surroundings of necessity play a great part in her appearance1 but it does not by any means follow that luxurious furnishings have any more effect than the very simplest and plainest1 particularly if they do not throw out well the beauty of the coloring4 ,what shades of ribbon to choose1 what colors to wear are far more serious matters than the majority of people realize4 ,the most stunning gown in the world1 if it be unbecoming1 will not be half so efficacious as the simplest and plainest of gowns of a becoming color and cut4 ,this is emphatically a picturesque era1 and wide latitude is allowed in the choice of what is becoming4 ,but big hats1 big sleeves1 very stand-out skirts and a general fashion-plate air do not do for every woman1 and she who has her gown made on the simplest possible lines will create more sensation in a roomful of very much gotten-up women than if she attempted to vie with them4 ,harmony and ,contrast of ,colors4 ,the following is a list of colors which contrast and harmonize3 ,white contrasts with black and harmonizes with gray4 ,white contrasts with brown and harmonizes with buff4 ,white contrasts with blue and harmonizes with sky-blue4 ,white contrasts with purple and harmonizes with rose4 ,white contrasts with green and harmonizes with pea-green4 ,cold greens contrast with crimson and harmonize with olive4 ,cold greens contrast with purple and harmonize with citrine4 ,cold greens contrast with white and harmonize with blues4 ,warm greens contrast with crimson and harmonize with yellows4 ,warm greens contrast with maroon and harmonize with orange4 ,warm greens contrast with purple and harmonize with citrine4 ,warm greens contrast with red and harmonize with sky-blue4 ,warm greens contrast with pink and harmonize with gray4 ,orange contrasts with purple and harmonizes with yellow4 ,orange contrasts with blues and harmonizes with red4 ,orange contrasts with black and harmonizes with warm green4 ,orange contrasts with olive and harmonizes with warm brown4 ,citrine contrasts with brown and harmonizes with green4 ,citrine contrasts with crimson and harmonizes with buff4 ,russet contrasts with green and harmonizes with red4 ,olive contrasts with white and harmonizes with black4 ,olive contrasts with maroon and harmonizes with brown4 ,gold contrasts with any dark color1 but looks richer with purple1 green1 blue1 black and brown than with the other colors4 ,it harmonizes with all light color1 but least with yellow4 ,the best harmony is with white4 ,illustration ,dress for ,special ,occasions ,illustration ,the beautiful is the suitable4 ,a woman careless of her dress is either unloved1 or unhappy4 ,dress is to the body what good sense is to the mind4 ,dress is really a department of manners1 and appeals to the eye with the same force that gracious words and softly keyed voices appeal to the ear4 ,costliness is not the measure of the beauty of dress4 ,nay1 rather suitability1 harmony1 becomingness1 unobtrusiveness1 fitness for the place and person are the qualities that make it perfect4 ,and because these canons of good taste are so frequently sinned against it has seemed best to give the proper dress and appointments for the proper times4 ,not as to particular styles for they are fleeting as the breath of fashion1 but as to general principles which are well nigh changeless4 ,once certain of these fundamental principles1 embarrassment and self-consciousness are banished4 ,dress at ,home4 ,it is1 perhaps1 the dress at home that tells most of the care and character of the wearer4 ,much regard is given to the dress for other occasions1 but here comes the test of delicacy and refinement1 the criterion of the individual4 ,neatness is the first requisite1 suitability the second4 ,there is nothing more of an offense to good taste than seeing the delicate fabric1 the ribbons1 the laces of a once elegant toilet1 degraded to the uses of the kitchen1 spotted and soiled almost beyond recognition4 ,have gowns adapted to the tasks for which they are intended4 ,the neat gingham1 the plain wool gown1 are pretty and appropriate for the morning wear of any lady who must superintend the workings of her own household4 ,aprons1 gloves1 dust caps1 which can be quickly doffed and will leave her neat and presentable for the stray morning caller without the necessity1 on her part1 of a change of costume1 and on his1 of a tedious waiting4 ,for afternoon the prettiest of toilets may be worn in the shape of house-dresses1 or tea-jackets made of otherwise useless remnants of bright silks1 and ribbons may be used to wear with otherwise presentable skirts whose original bodices have been long outworn4 ,trains1 medium1 are always pretty in the house1 hence tea-gowns1 from the richest to the most modest in cost1 are always in favor4 ,avoid very short skirts for the house2 they are awkward1 and belittle you from a mental as well as a physical standpoint4 ,observe the utmost neatness in every detail of the toilet for home or street4 ,it is an old rule1 but a very good one1 that a woman may be judged by her boots1 gloves and pocket-handkerchiefs4 ,to this may be added finger nails1 and last but not least1 skirt edges4 ,no matter how elegant the general get-up may be1 asserts one fastidious critic1 if a woman's skirt binding is muddy1 frayed1 or pendant1 she is1 to my mind1 not a gentlewoman4 ,the ,general ,fitness4 ,the style of the person should have much to do with choosing the style of dress for any occasion4 ,only people lacking the slightest originality of mind would think of blindly following the dictates of fashion without any reference to their own physical style4 ,very short women should not wear very large hats4 ,women with very thin faces should avoid wide hat brims and many plumes4 ,women with large1 full faces should not go to the extreme in wearing small bonnets4 ,to do so is but to exaggerate the defect in each case4 ,no matter what the extremity of style may be1 there is always a happy medium from which to choose4 ,flying curls and a great superabundance of ribbons and fluttering ends belong only to a young girl4 ,to persist in an extremely youthful style of dress long after the passing of youth1 instead of adding to the apparent youth of the wearer1 simply defeats its own end by exaggerating the defects it was meant to conceal4 ,small1 thin women should not wear too much black4 ,let them wear a profusion of fluffy laces about the throat2 soft1 puffy vests1 or1 as one writer observes1 learn something from ,sara ,bernhardt and her consummate skill in concealing bones4 ,short1 stout women should see that all adornments1 such as folds1 plaits1 etc41 keep as much as possible in perpendicular lines4 ,it is a mistake to think that perfect plainness will disguise the breadth1 it rather emphasizes it4 ,on this style of woman a loosely-fitted wrap has a better effect for the street than a tight1 plain garment4 ,common-,sense ,sleeves4 ,a very stout or a very thin woman should never wear extremely light sleeves1 no matter what the style may be4 ,the stout woman should also avoid an elbow sleeve with loosely falling ruffles1 and the trimming1 if possible1 should run in lengthwise folds or bands4 ,this precaution tends to decrease the apparent size of the arm4 ,the slender woman1 on the contrary1 is much improved by the puffed elbow sleeve ending with a fall of lace4 ,let women learn to put on belts so that they will slip downward in front and up in the back4 ,this does everything for the waist in making it look slender and graceful4 ,if yokes are worn1 it is well to remember that a deep yoke is more becoming than a narrow one4 ,if it is short in front1 it looks awkward1 and if it is short behind1 it gives a round shouldered effect4 ,where a rich toilet is worn for any occasion1 be sure that everything is in keeping4 ,if the gown be of velvet do not wear with it a linen collar or cheap lace4 ,if real lace is beyond the means there are always the filmy tulles and crpe lisse4 ,if jewelry is worn1 it should be of the best1 be it much or little4 ,the fan1 also1 for such a costume should carry out the idea of luxury4 ,cheap1 fanciful1 pretty things have their place in connection with soft wool1 or pretty cotton costumes1 but lightness or grace is one thing2 magnificence or luxury1 another4 ,a very young girl should never wear rich1 heavy fabrics2 they are unsuited to her youthful face and ways4 ,the evils of tight lacing are so pronounced that it would seem almost unnecessary to remonstrate against them in this age of enlightenment1 were they not so continually forced upon our view4 ,nothing could be more unbecoming to the women fair1 fat and forty1 who are usually the ones to adopt this custom2 an inch less in waist is hardly gained at the price of an unbecoming flush1 a labored breathing1 and a serious injury to the health1 besides the lack of grace that comes from binding and constricting any portion of the human form divine4 ,gloves and ,shoes4 ,to have many dresses is always a mistake even among the very wealthy4 ,they are constantly going out of fashion and unless the owner is continually seen at balls1 receptions and other gatherings1 they are entirely unnecessary4 ,the glove of to-day is fitted comfortably4 ,nothing is more indicative of a lack of taste than to crowd the hand into a glove that is several sizes too small for it4 ,the same might be said of the foot1 and with more reason1 since a painfully tight shoe not only injures the health1 comfort and complexion of the wearer1 but is ruinous to all grace of carriage4 ,there is nothing marks the true lady as much as the perfection of neatness and style in gloves and shoes4 ,to be well gloved and to have one's feet neatly clad1 no matter how plain the attire1 is to be well dressed4 7,other hints on this subject will be found in the departments of ,art in ,dress and ,colors and ,complexions47 ,the umbrella1 too1 must be carefully chosen4 ,if it is possible to have parasols and umbrellas for different occasions1 then there is no difficulty of choice1 but where one must answer for all occasions of the season1 let it be a plain1 dark or black silk4 ,this will be suitable at all times1 but if the fancy of the moment1 as to pale and delicate colorings be consulted1 the result is too often painfully incongruous4 ,in buying gloves1 shoes or umbrellas1 it is worth while to invest in a good article4 ,there is no economy in the poorer grades4 ,artifices of the ,toilet4 ,all artificial aids to beauty should be sparingly used1 and have no place whatever upon the toilet table of the young girl4 ,powder and paint are so obvious to the eye1 that their use1 or rather abuse1 by some otherwise sensible women1 is a continual wonder4 ,a dust of rice powder is sometimes excusable1 but there can be no possible apology for the made-up faces one sees upon our streets4 ,they deceive no one and have no excuse for being4 ,the woman who stands in the pitiless glare of the footlights must needs add color to replace that stolen from her face by the strong white light of day1 but others have no such excuse for frescoing the face4 ,it is a sin alike against good taste and good breeding4 ,there are various simple preparations that can be used to clear the skin1 and various massage treatments to smooth out the cruel little lines that time writes on all faces1 and kindly unguents to fill out the hollow cheeks and temples1 and thus keep the outlines of youth a little longer4 ,and there is wholesome living and vigorous exercise1 and daily and revivifying baths to call the flush of health to the cheek2 and loving thoughts and kindly deeds to keep the eyes soft and bright1 and thus to set the inroads of time at defiance for many years4 ,and since a woman is no older than she looks1 and since the prerogatives of youth are dear to the heart1 it is her bounden duty to keep herself sweet and young4 ,there is one excusable addition to the personal charms and that is where nature has denied the grace of luxuriant locks4 ,this lack can be so cunningly supplied by the hairdresser's art that detection is impossible1 and as it ever has been1 and ever will be1 that a woman's hair is a glory unto her1 there can be no reason against her hiding from view any lack of it when it is done in an artistic fashion4 ,when to ,wear ,jewels4 ,mme4 de ,maintenon declared that good taste simply indicates good sense1 but many women who boast of good sense seem not to have the slightest idea of the times and places for wearing precious stones4 ,it is conceded by all authorities that articles of adornment consisting of or containing jewels or precious stones should never be worn in the street4 ,exception is made in favor of rings and watches4 ,the woman who wishes to adopt correct form in dress will never wear any but the simplest little pin to fasten her gown at the throat during the morning hours and on the street4 ,for ceremonious visits1 a pretty and ornamental pin of gold is proper1 or of gold and enamel1 but even then it should have a useful purpose2 it should fasten some part of the toilet4 ,the enameled and gold wreaths of myrtle or of forget-me-nots are extremely pretty for these simple pins4 ,so are the true love-nots or a flower of enamel upon gold1 but without the all-prevailing diamond dewdrop or center4 ,for dinner1 a woman may wear the richest gems1 it being understood that the function is a ceremonious one1 and that she shall wear a low gown4 ,should she dine in a more democratic way and the men of the family do not wear evening dress1 she naturally will wear a high gown or one possibly open a little at the throat4 ,she may wear a pin with a single gem under these circumstances4 ,for balls1 operas or entertainments of corresponding splendor1 a woman1 when she is not herself the hostess1 may wear any number of well-chosen jewels4 ,it is quite correct to be sumptuous in this particular1 but well to remember that jewels1 like flowers1 harmonize or do not harmonize1 and that emeralds and turquoises1 for example1 may not be worn in conjunction1 because1 as the ,french say1 they swear at each other4 ,it is not good form to wear ornaments made in the form of beasts or reptiles4 ,the sacred emblem of the cross set in shining jewels and worn at ball or rout1 shows a most pitiable ignorance of the eternal fitness of things4 ,well bred young girls are limited as to jewels--a string of pearls for the slender neck1 a ring with the natal stone or an armament of turquoises and pearls1 a little gold love manacle about the wrist1 that is all1 and quite enough until after marriage4 ,a bride may wear for the marriage ceremony either diamonds or pearls--not in profusion--but never gold ornaments4 ,use of ,scents and ,flowers4 ,the use of various scents is more sinned against than any other toilet accessory4 ,only the faintest suggestion of perfume should be allowed to hang about the garments of a well-bred woman or girl4 ,to wear any redolence on the person in the shape of sachet bags is unpardonable4 ,to many people strong perfumes are extremely unpleasant1 and those who have regard for the feelings of others would forbear their use for this reason alone1 even were it not a sin against the canons of good breeding as well4 ,when perfumes are used1 it is a dainty custom to choose one favorite scent and to use that1 and that only1 so that in time the sweet1 illusive odor becomes almost a part of the personality4 ,flowers1 fresh1 dewy flowers seem the natural adornment of youth especially1 and to forswear the pretty custom would appear an uncalled-for giving up of the sweet thought which dedicates the flowers of the field to their human prototypes4 ,yet there is reason in the custom that has1 in great measure1 withdrawn them from the heated ball-room and the artificially illuminated dinner table4 ,corsage bouquets1 in dancing1 become an early ruin4 ,carried in the hand at a ball1 they are speedily tossed aside on the nearest point of refuge and left there to ignominiously fade4 ,when flowers are worn at an evening entertainment1 choose those that will best stand the light and heat4 ,the ,face ,veil4 ,in spite of the protestations of oculists1 women continue to regard veils as an essential part of their toilets2 first1 because they are becoming2 and1 second1 because they keep their hair in order4 ,the plain tulles and nets1 which come in all colors1 single and double widths1 are always pleasant to wear and less trying to the eyes than the coarser meshes4 ,the veil of ,brussels net wrought in sprigged designs is a failure4 ,it is becoming to nobody1 and is essentially inartistic4 ,women with dark hair and eyes and a brilliant color look well in veils with the dots larger and nearer together4 ,if the skin is clear1 white veils are very becoming1 though apt to give an impression of a made-up complexion4 ,the woman with fair hair and blue eyes1 and without color1 generally looks best in a large meshed black veil1 with the dots--if dots are worn--far apart4 ,a navy blue veil makes the skin look clear and fair1 and a gray veil should never be worn by the pale or sallow woman4 ,when to ,wear ,gloves4 ,the question of when to wear gloves is a much disputed point in the etiquette of dress4 ,they are worn to dinner parties1 but custom prescribes that they shall be removed in sitting down at the table4 ,after using the finger-bowl1 the gloves should be resumed before leaving the table1 or else immediately after returning to the drawing-room4 ,to wear gloves while assisting to pour tea for an at home1 is out of place1 but it is very usual to wear them while receiving in the afternoon1 though their omission at such a time is pardonable4 ,the visitors1 of course1 wear both gloves and bonnets4 ,at a stand-up evening supper it is not usual to remove the gloves since there is really no time or place to do it1 where each one is expected to leave as soon as possible to make room for the next4 ,remove the hand only of the right glove and tuck it back under the wrist4 ,dancing parties always call for gloves1 preferably light in tint4 ,to wear gloves while playing cards is also an unnecessary affectation of elegance4 ,walking1 driving1 shopping and all outdoor events1 such as lawn parties1 etc41 call for gloves4 ,tint and quality of these are to be regulated by the occasion or the costume4 ,when to ,wear ,low-cut ,gowns4 ,this question has but one answer1 ,never by daylight4 ,in this respect the rule that governs the wearing of a man's dress suit--from dusk to dawn1 is applicable4 ,even on those occasions when the jealous daylight is shut out and candlelight reigns1 dress suits and full dcollet gowns are not permissible4 ,a concession can be made by cutting the corsage a little low in the throat1 and by elbow sleeves or almost no sleeves4 ,for every social function held from midday to a late dinner hour1 young girls1 especially1 should wear their gowns cut high with long sleeves1 except on some gala occasion1 when the rule may be somewhat relaxed as above4 ,even at balls1 evening parties1 late dinners1 the young girl's evening dress1 if dcollet1 should be very modest in cut4 ,where a dinner and dance follow a large afternoon reception and the men who are invited are apt to arrive at dinner in full evening dress1 a girl's dress may be somewhat elaborated1 but not to the extreme of ball costume4 ,ball ,dress4 ,for the ball-room the most elaborate dress is to be worn2 dcollet corsage1 flowers and jewels are all appropriate4 ,those who dance should wear pale colors and light1 floating fabrics1 leaving the heavy silks and velvets for those who do not indulge in this amusement4 ,a low-cut corsage is not expected of elderly women unless they wish it4 ,chaperons can wear an elegant dinner dress if they desire2 velvets or brocades1 cut square in the neck1 with a profusion of fine lace and rich ornaments4 ,in short1 she should be as different as possible from her charge4 ,if an elderly woman of full figure wears a low-necked dress1 a lace scarf or something of that sort should be thrown over her shoulders4 ,gowns cut dancing length or with train1 are appropriate for the ball-room1 but where much dancing is to be indulged in1 trains are very much in the way4 ,opera ,dress4 ,for the opera the most elegant dressing is desirable4 ,ladies may wear evening gowns1 and men dress suits4 ,if they occupy boxes this is almost an obligation4 ,light colors render the house more attractive--are1 in fact1 a part of the whole spectacle4 ,jewels and flowers are there1 and those who wear visiting or street costume are in the minority4 ,if a man wear a dress suit it is expected that the woman will show him sufficient respect to wear an evening gown4 ,the man's costume is donned out of respect for the occasion and the woman1 and she betrays utter ignorance or remissness of duty when she does not return the compliment in kind4 ,high hats are an abomination at opera or theater4 ,where anything is worn upon the head1 it should be in the shape of a tiny bonnet1 a dainty confection of tulle1 flowers and ribbon4 ,this is especially necessary where a public conveyance must be made use of to reach the place4 ,at an opera matine the bonnet must be worn in connection with an elegant visiting or reception costume4 ,middle-aged women wear the same costume at the opera that they would at a dinner party4 ,theater ,costume4 ,to dress for the theater is a much simpler matter than for the opera4 ,display is not required here4 ,elegant visiting or promenade costume is appropriate4 ,dressy little bonnets or small hats1 gloves1 either matching the gown or light in tint1 complete the theater toilet4 ,if a large hat is worn to the theater1 common courtesy demands its removal that those in the rear may see the stage4 ,dress for concerts admits of a little more display than for the theater4 ,a silk gown with a little lace and jewelry1 and white or light kid gloves4 ,dinner ,dress4 ,a lady's dinner dress may be elegant as her fancy dictates4 ,but if she is hostess she should never try to eclipse her guests4 ,trained gowns are eminently suitable1 and may be worn by maids or matrons alike4 ,full length trains are not necessary1 and even demi-trains need not be worn by very young women4 ,but the soft sweep of a train lends an added grace to a woman's gown1 and this is one of the few places where it can be appropriately worn4 ,the corsage may be cut square1 or heart-shaped1 or opened at the throat in any pretty way1 but never so low as for a ball dress4 ,sleeves are usually half length1 and bracelets are given an opportunity for display4 ,long gloves must be worn4 ,as to color1 all shades1 from the safe selection of a black silk or velvet1 down to the palest tints1 are in order1 the only proviso being that color and material suit the style of the wearer4 ,an elderly lady inclined to stoutness1 and with a florid cast of countenance1 is at her worst in light silks or satin4 ,they heighten her defects1 while darker shades subdue her coloring and serve to decrease her apparent size and superfluous breadth4 ,for a young girl1 a simple dress of wool goods in white1 or pale becoming tints1 is all that is necessary4 ,open it slightly at the throat1 soften it with a little lace1 show the pretty arms in a demi-sleeve1 and it is far more suited to her youth than an over-elaborate gown4 ,if the dinner is held by daylight and the men wear morning dress the ladies must confine themselves to high-cut gowns turned in slightly at the front and fastened with a simple pin of gold enamel1 with1 perhaps1 a single gem at its heart4 ,traveling ,notes4 ,a dress for traveling should be plain and serviceable2 a tint should be chosen that does not show soil or dust4 ,a duster1 an ulster or over-garment of some kind made of pongee silk1 linen or whatever material is in vogue1 should be worn to protect the costume from smoke and dust4 ,illustration3 ,,traveling ,,costume4 ,the hat should be plain and a veil worn to shield the eyes from cinders when traveling by railway4 ,a pair of slightly smoked spectacles are very good for this purpose4 ,carry an extra wrap and a hand-satchel to hold the needed toilet articles4 ,let everything else go in the trunk4 ,a woman burdened with big bundle1 little bundle1 bandbox and umbrella1 is a burden to herself and a terror to others4 ,let the satchel contain a flask of some invigorating toilet water--,florida1 lavender or whatever is most refreshing1 with a soft sponge to bathe the face1 hands and wrists1 and thereby many a headache can be warded off4 ,if traveling in a sleeping coach1 a larger valise should be carried and ought to contain a pretty loose gown of dark silk or wool to serve as a slumber robe1 since clad in this one may safely venture from berth to dressing-room without exciting observation4 ,the rule for traveling dress is that there should be nothing about a lady to attract attention1 but this is relaxed in case of ladies traveling a short distance for a brief visit1 who are privileged to wear the dress that suits their purpose4 ,bridal ,dress4 ,the conventional bridal dress is pure white1 whether the material be satin1 silk or muslin4 ,it may be made trained or walking length4 ,if a veil is worn the gown is cut en train4 ,white satin slippers must be worn and white gloves4 ,rip the fourth finger of the left-hand glove ready for the ring2 the maid of honor will turn this back at the proper moment4 ,natural flowers are carried and a wreath is worn with a veil4 ,the veil should sweep to the edge of the train and may be simply a cloud of sheerest tulle or filmy lace worth a king's ransom4 ,it may be worn over the face or not1 as fancy dictates4 ,sometimes a white leather or pearl bound prayer-book is carried instead of the bouquet4 ,this custom has the advantage of having the prayer-book as a memento of the occasion1 while the flowers wither4 ,a young girl1 known to the writer1 carried with her to the altar the same prayer-book that her mother before her had carried on her wedding day4 ,the wedding dress1 no matter what its material1 must be cut high in the neck and with long sleeves4 ,this in deference to the fact that a marriage is not simply a gala occasion1 but the turning point for weal or woe in the bride's life1 and a solemn sacrament of the church1 and not to be celebrated in the garb of frivolity4 ,where flowers are worn1 orange blossoms are particularly appropriate1 though no ,german maiden would think of donning the bridal veil without its attendant myrtle wreath4 ,any white flowers1 however1 are appropriate4 ,where jewels are worn the choice is absolutely confined to pearls and diamonds 7not in too great profusion74 ,instead of flowers1 the veil is sometimes fastened with a star or sunburst of diamonds4 ,widows1 no matter how youthful1 are not privileged to wear the white bridal robe1 the veil1 nor the orange blossoms4 ,however1 the most exquisitely delicate tints may be chosen for their adornment4 ,if the marriage is private and the bride leaves immediately on her wedding trip she can be married in her traveling suit4 ,at other private weddings1 where no trip is taken1 the bride usually wears a pretty reception or visiting costume of silk or wool1 choosing some color that will be appropriate for after-wear4 ,the bride's mother1 whether the wedding be at home or in church1 wears an elegant reception gown4 ,even if she be in deep mourning she lays aside its sombre shades for this one hour4 ,invited guests should also avoid mourning garb4 ,bridemaid's ,dress4 ,the bridemaids' dresses are often all of white1 but frequently colors are chosen1 sometimes all alike2 again1 two by two of different hues4 ,the material of these gowns must be much less expensive than that of the bride's4 ,their bouquets or baskets of flowers may be either white or colored4 ,they sometimes wear lovely picture hats with broad brims and drooping plumes4 ,what ,wedding ,guests ,wear4 ,if the wedding reception is held in the evening1 full evening dress is worn2 reception gowns being suitable for the elder ladies4 7,see ,ball ,dress47 ,where children are present1 the girls are dressed in sheer muslin or lace over silk slips1 and adorned with fluttering ribbons4 ,the boys in fanciful costumes1 such as pages' suits1 etc4 ,if it is a morning reception1 rich visiting or promenade costumes should be worn1 small dress bonnets and white gloves4 ,ordinary ,evening ,dress4 ,this applies to small parties at home or with friends1 to receiving calls at home or in making an evening call4 ,it should be appropriate to the season4 ,pretty wool goods1 exquisitely made1 in winter2 organdies1 grenadines and mulls for summer2 laces1 a modest bit of jewelry or a simple flower1 and one is sufficiently well-gowned4 ,if the gathering is a little more formal1 reception dresses may be worn by the matrons1 while the young ladies garb themselves as for receiving at an afternoon tea4 ,if gloves are worn at all on such an occasion they must be light colored4 ,they are really unnecessary1 unless the taste of that especial set is very strongly in their favor4 ,if in doubt1 it is well to go furnished with a pair for use in case one finds all the guests gloved1 and has not the moral courage to remain the exception4 ,dress for ,church4 ,well-bred people attend church in simple costumes1 free from display4 ,these may be of rich materials1 but they are quiet in color and make4 ,jewelry1 other than a simple pin1 should not be used2 earrings1 of course1 if one is in the habit of wearing them1 but not diamonds4 ,the church is not the place to flaunt elegant attire in the face of less fortunate worshipers in the ,i-am-richer-than-thou style that marks the parvenu4 ,receiving ,calls4 ,a lady with regular days for receiving calls wears a reception dress as before described4 ,casual callers she receives in her morning or afternoon house dress4 ,her morning dress1 if she superintends her household affairs1 should be plain and neat1 and be so protected by cap and apron that by doffing these1 she will be presentable in a moment4 ,where there are no household cares1 a daintier morning dress may be adopted1 but let it be suitable to the occasion1 not some old1 half-worn finery revamped for the occasion4 ,if visiting1 a still richer gown may be worn1 and for a late breakfast at a watering place one may be quite luxurious4 ,calling or ,visiting ,costume4 ,for morning calls dress quietly in promenade costume4 ,wear light-colored gloves unless in deep mourning4 ,if driving1 carriage dress may be worn4 ,for day receptions the dress may be more elaborate and the bonnet more dressy4 ,by not carefully distinguishing between the gowns for different occasions and over-dressing at all times1 women lose all the advantages of contrast in style4 ,if lace and silk are worn indiscriminately1 what is there left for the full dress function8 ,walking ,dress4 ,this should be plain--tailor-made is the best--walking length1 and of good material4 ,fussy styles should not be chosen for street wear1 and the hat or bonnet should be rather plain and harmonize with the gown4 ,carriage ,dress4 ,there is much more latitude for display permitted by the carriage dress4 ,rich materials1 elegant wraps1 costly furs1 are all allowable here4 ,coaching parties1 too1 have grown to be occasions for most gorgeous costuming4 ,every hue of the rainbow is to be seen as the lofty tally-ho rolls past1 until1 so great has become the license of color and richness of material1 that the four hundred are calling a halt1 and soberer tints are beginning to mark this amusement4 ,do not wear too many fluttering ribbons1 especially if occupying that coveted position--the box seat4 ,it does not add to the skill and accuracy of the driver at a critical moment to have a fluttering ribbon cut like a whip-lash across his eyes4 ,dress for ,lent4 ,this should be the sort of gown most appropriate and becoming to the attitude of repentance4 ,the gowns1 of course1 are simple1 quiet affairs4 ,symphonies in gray1 poems in black and white1 must1 says one writer1 reflect in their construction as well as color the soberness of the event which they will grace4 ,a train is always admissible for the ,lenten robe--that is1 if it is for house wear4 ,otherwise the skirt must be short--quite short enough1 indeed1 to give one's churchwomen a glimpse of a dainty gray or black walking boot4 ,any of the heliotrope1 mauve or pansy shades1 also1 are appropriate expressions of the sorrow of the fashionable woman1 thus giving a color scheme capable of the most exquisite effects4 ,white cashmere is well suited for the house2 and very little draperies1 but long1 straight lines1 give the sought-after effect1 and thus the dainty chrysalis rests during the forty days that precede the unfolding of the gorgeous wings of the ,easter butterfly4 ,dress for ,riding4 ,the riding-habit should be made of broadcloth or some other suitable cloth4 ,the skirt should be weighted by sewing shot in the lower edge of the left-hand breadths4 ,equestrian tights should be worn4 ,the habit is sometimes worn over another dress-skirt1 when1 in case of dismounting or accident1 the habit-skirt can be slipped off and the rider still left properly attired4 ,very long skirts are not worn4 ,the habit should fit perfectly and button to the throat4 ,linen collar1 a pretty tie and linen cuffs are worn1 and a leather glove with gauntlet4 ,the hat should be plain1 and of the prevailing fashion4 ,lawn ,parties4 ,the dress for these occasions has been already described2 sufficient here to say it should be light and graceful1 and the bonnet or hat ornamental and effective4 ,picnics and ,excursions4 ,light-weight wool goods1 or heavy cotton or linen material that will wash and not tear easily1 is most suitable for these occasions4 ,linen or cotton duck is very serviceable4 ,croquet1 ,archery1 ,skating1 ,etc4 ,all of these semi-athletic games call for bright1 pretty costumes1 short enough to give the freedom of movement necessary to excel in the game4 ,for summer out-of-door games1 pliable gloves should be worn1 and a hat to protect the eyes from the sun4 ,for skating1 rich1 warm materials1 fur trimmings1 fur caps1 and warm1 furred gauntlets should be worn4 ,bathing ,dress4 ,bathing calls for a costume of some material that will not cling to the form when wet4 ,flannel is appropriate1 and a heavy quantity of mohair also makes a successful dress1 as it resists water and has no clinging qualities4 ,an oil-silk cap should be worn over the hair4 ,the cut of the dress should be modest2 the costume loose and full1 and it should be made with a skirt4 ,the neck should be cut quite high4 ,yachting ,dress4 ,this is a pretty1 nautically devised and ornamented suit1 made of warm materials and those that will stand sea water4 ,dress for ,gentlemen4 ,the subject of dress1 while not so complex for a man as for a woman1 must still receive a certain amount of care at his hands1 for no gentleman can possess complete disregard of reigning styles without thereby sacrificing a certain amount of dignity in the estimation of his associates4 ,as far as the cardinal points of the toilet extend1 a man is bound by the same laws of exquisite neatness that are incumbent upon a woman4 ,the same care of teeth1 finger-nails1 hands and hair is necessary4 ,don't neglect the small hairs that sometimes project from the nostrils and the apertures of the ears4 ,use a small pair of scissors4 ,a gentleman will have spotless collars1 cuffs and handkerchiefs1 irreproachable gloves1 nicely blackened shoes and thoroughly brushed clothes4 ,hair oil must never be used2 it is ill-bred4 ,clothes of plain colors are always in good taste1 and so is pure white linen4 ,the fancy dotted and striped collars1 cuffs and bosoms1 so often worn1 are not as good taste4 ,jewelry should be used very sparingly4 ,utility should be apparent in the articles worn4 ,watch chain1 sleeve buttons and studs 7one or three1 as liked7 are necessary4 ,where one stud is used1 the stone1 though not conspicuous for size1 should be a very fine one4 ,a scarf pin is sometimes worn1 and one ring is allowable1 but not too large or showy4 ,don't use quantities of perfumery1 it is very bad taste4 ,keep a dressing-gown for use in the dressing-room or the sick-room4 ,it is not a proper garment for the table or the sitting-room4 ,wear the hat properly and squarely upon the head4 ,wear a coat at all proper times--in the sitting-room1 drawing-room1 and at table4 ,lastly1 a gentleman avoids all conspicuous styles of dress1 and confines himself to quiet colors and well-fitting1 well-cared-for garments4 ,evening ,dress for ,gentlemen4 ,the evening dress for gentlemen varies very little from year to year1 and the time of wearing it varies not at all4 ,from dusk to dawn1 in other words1 a gentleman wears a dress suit during the same hours that a lady wears an evening dress4 ,gentlemen's evening dress consists of black trousers1 a low-cut black or white vest1 dress or swallow-tail coat1 and white necktie4 ,the linen must be immaculate4 ,a young man wears a standing collar2 an elderly man1 if he choose1 may wear his favorite style1 with due deference to the reigning style4 ,one or three studs adorn the bosom4 ,properly speaking1 white or very light kid gloves are a part of evening dress1 but to say whether or not they shall be worn always at a formal dinner is hardly safe4 ,if worn1 remove them at the table2 but at a ball they are indispensable4 ,on all doubtful occasions it is well to be provided with a pair1 to use if wished4 ,evening dress is to be worn at balls1 large dinners1 parties and the opera4 ,it is never worn at church1 save in case of an evening wedding4 ,it is never worn anywhere on ,sunday4 ,in a small town a dress suit on any occasion is apt to seem an affectation4 ,never wear a dress suit anywhere before six o'clock in the evening4 ,a gentleman never looks more thoroughly a gentleman than in an evening dress1 says one writer on etiquette1 and it is well for those to whom the occasion is liable to come to learn to wear one gracefully and easily4 ,in ,france a dress suit is worn upon nearly all festive occasions4 ,in ,england the same customs prevail for its use as in our own country4 ,morning ,dress for ,gentlemen4 ,black cutaway1 or ,prince ,albert coat 7frock coat71 black vest1 white in summer1 light-colored trousers1 silk or some other style of stiff hat1 and a black necktie4 ,a light coat is never worn with black trousers4 ,this morning dress is worn at church1 morning receptions1 informal parties1 garden parties1 when making calls1 and at places of amusement4 ,wedding ,dress for ,gentlemen4 ,at morning weddings1 that is1 all weddings before six o'clock1 the gentlemen1 bridegroom1 best man1 and all1 wear morning dress with light-colored ties4 ,if gloves are worn1 light-colored ones must be selected4 ,if there is a formal reception held in the evening1 evening dress and white or very pale gloves may then be worn4 ,at an evening wedding1 evening dress is expected4 ,gloves for ,gentlemen4 ,gentlemen wear gloves when walking1 riding1 or driving1 at church and all places of amusement1 when making calls1 and at receptions1 balls and evening parties4 ,white or very pale tints for balls and weddings2 delicate tints for evening parties2 any shade preferred for the other occasions4 ,general ,hints4 ,a silk hat should only be worn on appropriate occasions4 ,worn with a rough business suit1 or on a picnic or mountain ramble1 it is in the worst possible taste4 ,it should appear only with frock coats1 dress coats and a fine quality of cloth4 ,felt or straw hats should be worn with short coats or business suits4 ,the mourning weed1 conventionally speaking1 is worn only on a silk hat2 but there is no good reason why those who wish to wear mourning for lost friends should always be in dress of ceremony so to do4 ,diamonds should not be worn during business hours by men who are obliged to stand behind counters or engage in any toil4 ,business suits should never be worn to an evening party in the city1 though in small country gatherings they might be permissible4 ,even various styles of outing suits are allowable in some of the informal gatherings at summer resorts4 ,nice customs courtesy to great kings1 or to occasions4 ,evening ,suit for ,boys4 ,this is black cloth with the rough surface that is seen in the material used for grown-up1 evening clothes4 ,his trousers are the proper width and show a slight but not too pronounced crease4 ,his waistcoat is cut low1 and over it he wears an ,eton jacket of black cloth that is accentuated by the deep white linen collar which turns over it1 and which is attached1 like his cuffs1 to his immaculate white shirt4 ,he scorns all jewelry but a little watch and the white enamel buttons that are in his shirt4 ,his silk hat has a lower and a somewhat broader crown than that made for an older gentleman4 ,a suit like this is worn by a boy from the time he is twelve until he is eighteen1 and then he is supposed to assume the regulation evening dress worn by men4 ,letter ,writing4 ,illustration ,letters are the memory of friendship1 and are to be reckoned among the chief links in the social chain that binds parent and child1 lover and sweetheart1 friend and friend1 in harmonious accord4 ,a letter may1 from a business point of view1 make or mar the fortunes of its sender1 while none the less surely1 from a social standard1 will our epistles approve or condemn our claim for consideration4 ,every position in life1 and every occasion which may arise therein1 demand more or less exercise of our epistolary powers1 and while but few can hope for the grace1 the wit1 the repartee that sparkle in the missives of a de ,stal1 a ,rcamier1 a ,walpole1 a ,macaulay1 every one can and should learn to write a clear1 concise1 intelligent1 appropriate letter4 ,a ,rare ,accomplishment4 ,to do this properly is a social accomplishment1 and one of the greatest boons that education confers4 ,a graceful note1 a kindly1 sparkling letter1 are each the exponent of a true lady or gentleman1 though it must be confessed1 since our country furnishes no so-called leisure class1 the art of letter-writing has1 in great measure1 fallen into feminine hands1 the cares of business and professional life ofttimes preventing the sterner half of creation from mere friendly exercise of the pen4 ,it is among women1 therefore1 that we will find in the present1 as we have found in the past1 the best and most fluent of correspondents4 ,a certain dread of letter-writing1 however1 seems to haunt a large class of people4 ,this dread1 arising either from imperfect education1 a lack of practice or a fear of nothing to say1 can be overcome in great measure by careful study of the few main requisites of the art1 as embraced in style1 orthography1 forms to be adopted and stationery to be used for certain occasions4 ,the ,style1 of course1 is a subtle something inherent in each individual1 not to be entirely done away with in any case1 but to be improved by a careful study of good models1 such1 for example1 as the letters of the above mentioned authors4 ,to read the best prose writers also cannot fail to work an improvement4 ,for instance1 the writer once1 after an enthusiastic study of ,taine1 was rewarded by the assurance from a literary correspondent that her letters were thoroughly ,tainesque in style4 ,by judicious reading and carefully taking thought1 an abrupt style may be softened and more graceful1 flowing sentences substituted for its short1 sharp phrases2 while a redundant style1 by the same care1 may be pruned of its exuberance4 ,the chief charm of a letter consists in it being written naturally and as one would talk4 ,we should write as we speak1 and that's a true familiar letter which expresseth a man's mind as if he were discoursing with the party to whom he writes1 says ,howell1 and1 ancient as the words are1 no better advice can be given to-day4 ,write easily1 and never simply for effect2 this gives a constrained1 stilted style that will soon cool the correspondence4 ,let your thoughts flow as they would were you conversing with your friend1 but do not gossip2 give friendly intelligence only when certain of its truth4 ,this will not seem too much when it is remembered how written words sometimes rise up in judgment against their authors when the spoken words would long since have been forgotten4 ,a lapse of time will brush the bloom from our sentences and nothing can bring back again the tender grace that transfigured the over-sweetness of some little written sentiment1 or redeem it from the realm of the bombastic in our eyes to-day4 ,then let your communications be1 not exactly 'yea and nay1' but do let them be such that you would not fear to hear them read aloud before you1 for more than this 'cometh of evil4' ,illustration3 ,,these ,,are ,,my ,,keepsakes4 ,grammar and ,orthography4 ,these should receive most careful attention4 ,a great author is one1 according to ,taine1 who1 having passions1 knows also his dictionary and grammar4 ,and a good letter-writer1 as well1 must know his dictionary and grammar to render his missives presentable4 ,grammatical errors are almost unpardonable1 and a misspelled word is an actual crime in these days of dictionaries4 ,punctuation and capitalization1 too1 must be looked after1 and the whole letter give evidence of thought and care on the writer's part4 ,handwriting1 ,paper and ,ink are all of importance1 and etiquette has prescribed certain formulas for these adjuncts of a good letter1 that1 however the vagaries of fashion may invade the outer borders of the realm epistolary1 are always correct and in good style4 ,the paper in best taste is thick1 white or creamy-tinted1 unruled and of such a size as to fold once for fitting square-shaped envelopes1 creamy-white like the paper4 ,never use envelopes so thin in quality as to permit the writing to be seen through from the outside4 ,the square envelope is not a necessity2 the slightly oblong is also used1 the paper being folded twice to fit this size4 ,this paper would be suitable and in perfect style in any portion of the civilized world1 and on any occasion1 and no one with any pretensions to good breeding should be found unsupplied4 ,this is an item in which we cannot afford to economize1 for one judges a lady or gentleman1 unconsciously1 by the contents of his or her writing desk1 as exemplified by the letters sent from their hands4 ,monograms are not entirely out1 but they are only used by those to whom their own especial design1 through long use1 has come to seem almost a part of themselves4 ,all fleeting fancies in stationery should be passed by on the other side1 or1 at most1 left to the wayward tastes of sweet sixteen1 or to some few whose very eccentricities are part of their fame4 ,sarah ,bernhardt1 for instance1 uses blue paper framed in a pale gray line on the top of the page1 and the flap of the envelope is a tragic mark1 above which her initials are traversed by a scroll bearing her motto1 ,quand mme4 ,she is as exact1 however1 in the formulas of her letters as any dowager of the old school4 ,the ,royal ,highnesses of ,england use the paper and square envelopes before described2 initials1 monograms and crests are left to foreigners and outsiders1 and the ,orlans family1 of ,france1 are severely plain in their choice of stationery4 ,illustration3 ,,incorrect ,,mode ,,of ,,holding ,,the ,,pen4 ,illustration3 ,,proper ,,mode ,,of ,,holding ,,the ,,pen4 ,illustration3 ,,correct ,,position ,,of ,,the ,,hand4 ,given the correct paper and envelopes and plain1 jet-black ink 7no other tint should ever be used71 the penmanship must next be considered4 ,it is very well for ,madame ,bernhardt to write an elegant1 graceful hand that is absolutely impossible to decipher1 and for ,general ,bourbaki to indite his epistles in a microscopically minute script1 but less important people will do well to render their chirography as perfect and legible as possible1 and not to flourish4 ,avoid always too near an approach to the clerkly1 commercial hand4 ,a talented foreigner once remarked to the writer upon his astonishment at the predominance of this hand in ,america4 ,i do not like it1 he said2 the clerk sends me in my rates1 the landlord my bill1 and the young lady her reply to my invitation1 all in that same commercial hand4 ,there is no individuality1 no character1 in such writing4 ,and there was too much reason in his remonstrance4 ,we are not quite a nation of shopkeepers1 and there is no reason why this business handwriting should so permeate all classes of society4 ,the lines should be straight1 and as ruled paper is not permissible in formal notes1 invitations or punctilious correspondence1 savoring too nearly of the school-room and the counting-house1 some little practice may be necessary to keep the lines even4 ,should this prove impossible1 let a sheet of paper with heavily ruled black lines that will show through the writing paper1 be kept in the desk and slipped beneath the page as a guide4 ,it may also be inserted in the envelope to keep the superscription or address perfectly straight4 ,the lines should be rather far apart1 and the fashionable hand just now is not the pointed ,english style1 but somewhat verging on the large1 round hand of the last century2 the ladies1 as a rule1 indulging in a rather masculine style4 ,illustration3 ,,proper ,,position ,,of ,a ,,lady ,,in ,,writing4 ,thin foreign note paper may be used for letters abroad1 unless the most formal4 ,this is usually ruled4 ,so is the commercial note used for business letters4 ,these forms answer for ladies and gentlemen alike4 ,there is no particular objection to gentlemen using in their informal friendly letters1 business note with printed letter head1 but for ceremonious occasions they must be bound by the foregoing forms4 ,very faintly perfumed paper is the prerogative of the ladies4 ,gentlemen are denied this privilege and a lady avails herself of it with discretion1 selecting a favorite odor and adhering closely to it1 so that correspondents could tell her missives with closed eyes1 by their very fragrance4 ,where black-edged paper and envelopes are used by persons in mourning1 the width of the black border varies according to the nearness of the deceased relative or the length of time since the loss1 though some never use more than the narrowest line of black1 while others still1 with the most perfect propriety1 discard it altogether4 ,its use is a matter of taste simply1 and must cease so soon as the mourning garb is dropped4 ,never be guilty1 however1 of writing a letter of congratulation on black-edged paper1 even if in mourning2 use plain white for this purpose4 ,at the same time1 it is never necessary to write a letter of condolence on black-bordered paper1 unless the writer himself is in mourning4 ,illustration3 ,,improper ,,position4 ,,proper ,,position4 ,the careful writing of a note or letter is a mark of respect to the recipient1 and blots1 erasures and mended words should never be permitted to disfigure it4 ,erasing cannot be done without marring the entire page and a mended or rewritten word is an offense to the eye4 ,to copy the letter afresh is the only real remedy1 and those who value their own standing will not grudge the pains spent in the composition of a letter that shall be a credit to the writer and a pleasure to the receiver4 ,this comes under the general recommendation of doing everything you do as it ought to be done4 ,there should be no slipshod way of writing a letter by which you are to be judged4 ,figures and abbreviations are often used4 ,few numerals are allowable1 except the dates1 the street number and the hour of the day4 ,very large sums of money are also stated in figures unless they begin a sentence1 when all numbers must be written out fully4 ,figures are also preferable in uneven sums of money too long to be written with one1 or at most two words2 per cent41 as well1 is rulable in figures4 ,degrees should be either written #ge1 or seventy-five degrees4 ,fractions1 given alone1 should be in words1 and all other numerals occurring in a letter must follow the same rule1 except quotations from stock and market reports4 ,for extra precaution1 sometimes sums of money are written1 followed by figures representing the same1 in parenthesis4 ,common ,abbreviations4 ,abbreviations proper to social and formal letter-writing are few in number4 ,honorary titles1 such as ,dr41 ,prof41 ,hon41 ,rev41 ,messrs41 ,esq41 ,capt41 etc41 are usually abbreviated as above1 though very good authorities advocate1 and with much reason1 the use of the full word ,reverend1 as also the titles ,honorable and ,professor4 ,the scholastic titles are also abbreviated by the proper initials1 as ,a4,m41 ,m4,d41 ,,ll4,d41 following the name4 ,the names of months1 of states1 the words ,county and ,post ,office1 when used on the superscription are also abbreviated4 ,the use of ,a4,m41 ,m41 ,p4,m41 to mark the divisions of the day1 technical abbreviations1 and the usual e4g41 i4e41 viz41 etc41 are too familiar to the users to need mention4 ,further than the above1 brevity is not always the soul of wit4 ,the letter itself1 as a whole1 is now to be considered1 and to facilitate its writing there should be some one corner in every home devoted to this purpose4 ,the incentive to letter-writing is always damped1 the happy thought we would send our friend takes flight1 if we must find the pens upstairs1 the paper down1 the ink bottle in the pantry1 empty or not1 as the case may be1 and our patience wherever it may be after the search is ended4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,scrap ,,of ,a ,,letter4 ,letters would be more frequently written1 more punctually answered1 and half the unreasonable dread of writing done away with1 were this matter attended to properly4 ,let the writing desk stand in some well-lighted corner of sitting1 dining1 or mother's room1 and let it be stored with all articles necessary to the exigencies of correspondence4 ,should the desk prove beyond the depth of the family purse1 then let its substitute be found in a firm1 good-sized table or stand1 with a drawer where necessary supplies may be kept4 ,two or more sizes of note paper1 unruled1 with envelopes to match1 for the elders of the household2 writing tablets and commercial note1 together with plain envelopes1 for the school-children and everyday uses2 a good dictionary1 a tray with pen rack and inkstand thereon1 and a goodly supply of pens1 will complete a corner that will do more toward the family education in good breeding and culture than any other expenditure that can be made1 and will render letter-writing the pleasure it should be1 instead of the dread it too often is4 ,if one possesses a permanent address1 street1 number and city may1 with great propriety1 be engraved on the paper at the top of the sheet4 ,if this is not done the address should always be written clearly on all letters4 ,it is too much to expect one's friends to remember the private addresses of all their correspondents1 and time is too precious to be spent searching out some missing letter in quest of street or number1 in default of which more than one letter has gone unanswered4 ,the date of a letter1 month1 day1 year and city is first in place4 ,this should be written on one line1 beginning1 according to length1 more or less near the center of the sheet and ending at the right-hand margin4 ,in business letters1 unless the printed letter head fixes the place1 this line should not be more than one-quarter down the page2 while in social or formal letters it should be one-third the distance down4 ,if it should be desirable to give the county also1 the date may be allowed to occupy two or more lines1 as follows3 ,,mendota1 ,,la ,,salle ,,co41 ,,ill41 ,may #bi1 #ahi-4 ,in the same manner a city number and address may be given3 #cji ,,post ,,street1 ,,ottawa1 ,,ill41 ,january #cj1 #ahi-4 ,in writing from hotels1 the following form should be adopted3 ,,the ,,arlington1 ,,binghamton1 ,n4,y41 ,october #c1 #ahi-4 ,some1 in polite letter-writing1 prefer to give the address at the conclusion rather than the beginning of the letter4 ,under these circumstances the prescribed form would be3 ,truly your friend1 ,,mary ,n4 ,,prescott4 ,,franklin ,,grove1 ,lee ,co41 ,ill41 ,january #ad1 #ahi-4 ,there are several ways of writing the figures that compose the date of a letter4 ,many business men and others use this form1 #a-b-ahi-1 or1 #a_/b_/i-1 for ,january #b1 #ahi-4 ,others still would write as follows3 ,jan4 #bnd1 #ahif4 ,taste and habit will decide the matter for each4 ,to give the name instead of the number of the month is1 perhaps1 more elegant4 ,the address1 supposing it to be a business letter would come next in order1 beginning at the left-hand margin1 and our letter would stand thus3 ,,tipton1 ,,iowa1 ,april #a1 #ahi-4 ,,mr4 ,,william ,h4 ,,hill1 #cjg ,wall ,street1 ,new ,york4 ,the salutation is a matter wherein there is great latitude of usage4 ,in conformity with custom1 some title is to be used in addressing correspondents1 and this title differs greatly in accordance with the degree of acquaintance1 or friendship1 with the party addressed4 ,it should always begin at the left of the page4 ,in the business letter just above1 the form might be as follows3 ,,tipton1 ,,iowa1 ,april #a1 #ahi-4 ,,mr4 ,,william ,h4 ,,hill1 #cjg ,wall ,street1 ,new ,york4 ,,dear ,,sir3 7or1 ,,sir37 ,or1 if there should be a firm name1 the address would be as follows3 ,messrs4 ,,williams ,,hill1 #cjg ,wall ,street1 ,new ,york4 ,,dear ,,sirs3 7or1 ,,sirs37 7or1 ,,gentlemen37 ,again1 if wished1 the salutation might be omitted and the address made to serve as title4 ,another form is this3 ,,mr4 ,,william ,h4 ,,hill1 #cjg ,wall ,street1 ,new ,york4 ,,mr4 ,,hill3 ,the following form1 though causing an unpleasant repetition of the name1 is often adopted in business letters to unmarried ladies1 probably to escape the problem that the choice of ,miss or ,madam offers to so many3 #cje ,,beacon ,,street1 ,,boston1 ,,mass41 ,february #aj1 #ahi-4 ,,miss ,,mary ,,wright1 ,cherry ,valley1 ,ill4 ,,miss ,,wright3 ,or1 omitting the name1 the simple address may be used4 ,however1 there need not be the slightest difficulty in addressing an unmarried lady1 even should she be in her teens1 as ,madam1 or ,dear ,madam1 it being a general term as applicable to women without regard to age or condition1 as ,sir is to their brethren4 ,this will be easily seen when it is recollected that it is a derivation from ma dame1 my lady1 and since our language is deficient in any equivalent term to the pretty ,french ,mademoiselle1 or the ,german1 ,frulein1 and1 as ,dear ,miss is obsolete1 we must be content to utilize ,madam on all necessary occasions4 ,there is another form much used where the address is omitted3 #cje ,,michigan ,,avenue1 ,,chicago1 ,july #aj1 #ahi-4 ,,miss ,,halstead4 ,,dear ,,madam3 ,or1 if on friendly footing1 simply3 ,,dear ,,miss ,,halstead3 ,if two young ladies are to be addressed1 the term ,misses should be used1 as3 ,,havana1 ,,ill41 ,february #bj1 #ahi-4 ,,misses ,,taylor ,,watson1 ,stenographers1 #aei ,church ,street1 ,rockford1 ,ill4 ,,mesdames3 ,the ,mesdames may be omitted and the address used alone1 but its addition indicates more polish4 ,the translation is ,my ,ladies4 ,some substitute for it1 simply ,ladies1 which is quite proper4 ,the prefix ,dear may be omitted wherever desirable1 but never write ,my dear ,miss ,halstead1 ,my dear ,madam1 or ,my dear ,sir1 unless intimately acquainted4 ,in writing a social letter the address is omitted or added at close of the letter4 ,a gentleman in private or professional life would be addressed as3 ,,frederic ,,guy1 ,esq4 ,,dear ,,sir3 7or1 ,,sir37 ,or1 ,,hon4 ,,frederic ,,guy4 ,,dear ,,sir3 7or1 ,,sir37 ,respectfully yours1 ,,john ,,graceland4 ,the use of titles will be explained farther on1 but here it may be said that two titles are very seldom given to the same individual at once4 ,for instance1 never write ,mr4 ,fred4 ,guy1 ,esq41 nor ,hon4 ,mr4 ,fred4 ,guy4 ,there are some exceptions to this rule1 as where the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,churchill and the ,hon4 ,mr4 ,brice are addressed under circumstances where their ,christian name is unknown1 and where a married lady makes use of her husband's title1 as3 ,mrs4 ,capt4 ,jones2 ,mrs4 ,judge ,snyder1 and where the ,rev4 ,prof4 ,dr4 ,kemp shows by his titles the weight of his learning4 ,never deny an individual the titles that are rightfully his4 ,they show that he has fought and conquered men1 or books1 to win them1 and they are the well-earned meed of his endeavor4 ,but never1 if you have titles1 be guilty of bestowing them on yourself2 leave that for others4 ,a gentleman writing to a married lady would address her in friendly correspondence as1 ,dear ,mrs4 ,french1 or1 ,my dear ,mrs4 ,french4 ,to an unmarried lady1 ,dear ,miss ,french1 or ,my dear ,miss ,french4 ,a lady addresses a gentleman in the same fashion1 as ,dear ,mr4 ,courtney1 or ,my dear ,mr4 ,courtney1 or ,dear ,dr4 ,courtney4 ,the ,proper ,salutation4 ,nearer degrees of intimacy1 of course1 formulate their own laws in this regard1 but even here1 be it said1 that discretion may be exercised to advantage4 ,it will also be observed that if the word dear1 or any like term1 begins the salutation it is capitalized2 otherwise1 not4 ,thus3 ,my dear ,friend2 not ,my ,dear ,friend4 ,authorities on etiquette differ somewhat on this score1 different works in the author's possession taking exactly opposite sides1 the weight of evidence1 however1 falling on the form given here4 ,the complimentary conclusion1 ,yours truly1 ,very truly yours1 ,very respectfully1 etc41 should begin about the middle of the page on the next line below the body of the letter4 ,the first word only should be capitalized1 and the expression followed by a comma4 ,the signature should come on the line below and end at the right-hand margin of the page4 ,the address also is sometimes1 especially in social notes given at the conclusion1 where it should begin1 one or two lines below the signature1 at the left-hand margin of the page1 occupying two or more lines1 according to its length1 as3 ,,dear ,,miss ,,lothrop3 ,in reply to your kind note1 ,i would say1 etc4 ,cordially yours1 ,,marion ,,kent4 #b ,arcade ,court1 ,chicago1 ,ill41 ,october #e1 #ahi-4 ,another very formal style would be3 #ba ,,delaware ,,place1 ,,buffalo1 ,n4,y41 ,june #a1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,miss ,,lothrop3 ,in reply to your kind note1 etc4 ,truly yours1 ,,george ,,harland4 ,to ,,miss ,,julia ,,lothrop1 #aaj ,beacon ,street1 ,boston1 ,mass4 ,the conclusion of a letter gives the writer fully as much latitude of style as the salutation4 ,some graceful little phrase should follow the subject-matter of the letter and lead up to the conclusion1 thus3 ,i am1 with love to the family1 and remembrances to all my friends1 ,yours cordially1 ,,mary ,,roe4 ,salutation and conclusion should always correspond in formality or friendliness with one another1 thus3 ,,mr4 ,,john ,,bright4 ,,sir3 would appropriately conclude with3 ,i am1 sir1 ,respectfully yours1 ,,frank ,b4 ,,folsom4 ,a friendly letter beginning3 ,,dear ,,bright3 or1 ,,my ,,dear ,,bright3 would terminate thus3 ,cordially yours1 ,,frank ,b4 ,,folsom4 ,other forms for closing business letters are3 ,i am1 respectfully1 ,,james ,,ross4 ,or1 ,respectfully1 ,,james ,,ross4 ,these forms do away with the personal pronoun ,yours1 which1 although custom has in reality rendered it a pure formality1 still retains a certain meaning in the minds of some1 as the man1 who1 in a long correspondence with his wife-that-was-to-be1 never signed a letter otherwise than ,truly yours4 ,what more could ,i be1 he queried1 than hers truly1 body and soul8 and with this feeling could their married life have been other than it was1 beautiful to look upon8 ,never abbreviate the conclusion to ,yours1 etc42 it has too much the careless1 thankless sound of ,thanks1 and neither can be sufficiently condemned4 ,letters beginning1 ,,my ,,dear ,,margaret3 or1 ,,my ,,dear ,,daughter3 might end1 respectively3 ,ever yours1 or1 ,your friend1 ,,jane ,,brown4 ,and1 ,your affectionate mother1 ,,gertrude ,,mason4 ,a gentleman1 writing to a lady1 could say3 ,very sincerely 7or respectfully7 yours1 ,p4,h4 ,,gould4 ,or1 ,yours1 with sincere regard1 ,,henry ,,grayson4 ,the address need not be added unless the acquaintance is very slight4 ,at times a more elaborate closing is desirable and graceful1 as when the correspondent is very much higher in station1 or older in years1 or you have been the recipient of some great favor at his or her hands3 ,i am1 dear madam1 with the most profound esteem1 ,yours sincerely1 ,,james ,,talbot4 ,or1 to a gentleman1 under like circumstances3 ,i have the honor to be1 sir1 ,yours most respectfully1 ,,james ,,talbot4 ,such closings as ,obedient1 humble servant1 are quite too much for ,republican simplicity1 and even in writing to no less a dignitary than the ,president3 ,to ,,the ,,president1 ,,sir3 ,very respectfully1 ,,james ,,talbot1 really fulfills all requirements1 though one may consult his own taste in making use of the two complimentary conclusions given above4 ,a lady in writing to a stranger should always suggest whether she is married or single4 ,this will prevent mistakes and annoyance1 and can be done in two ways3 ,respectfully1 7,,miss7 ,,frances ,,clayton4 ,or1 more elaborately3 ,respectfully1 ,,frances ,,clayton4 ,address1 ,,miss ,,frances ,,clayton1 #ba ,st4 ,caroline's ,court1 ,chicago4 ,a lady never signs herself as ,mrs4 ,helen ,b4 ,hayes1 or ,miss ,gertrude ,vance1 without1 at least1 putting the titles in a parenthesis4 ,primarily1 a woman is ,helen ,hayes or ,gertrude ,vance1 and should sign herself as such4 ,the ,miss or ,mrs4 signifies simply an incident in her existence1 and is added1 as it were1 in a note1 to prevent mistake on the part of others4 ,a failure to observe this rule indicates a lack of culture4 ,neither does a gentleman ever sign himself ,mr4 ,brown1 but ,george ,g4 ,brown1 or ,g4,g4 ,brown4 ,use of the ,husband's ,name4 ,a married lady should always be addressed by her husband's name preceded by ,mrs41 except in case of well-known names1 such as ,mrs4 ,potter ,palmer1 or ,mrs4 ,isabella ,b4 ,hooker4 ,a widow is no longer called by her husband's given name1 but reverts to her own christened cognomen1 preceded by ,mrs4 ,thus1 ,mrs4 ,james ,h4 ,hayes in her widowhood is1 to every one1 ,mrs4 ,helen ,b4 ,hayes4 ,an exception to this would be in the case of such well-known names as ,abraham ,lincoln1 or ,james ,g4 ,blaine1 where custom grants the widow the right to bear the beloved title4 ,the superscription or address should be written plainly 7if speedy delivery is expected7 upon the lower half of the envelope1 the flap being at the top4 ,the title and name form one line with about an equal space at each end4 ,the writing should be just below the middle of the envelope4 ,the street number1 the name of the city and the state each form a separate line1 one below the other1 and each should begin a little to the right of the one above1 so that the last line will approach nearly to the lower right-hand corner of the envelope4 ,the county or number of post office box may be given in the lower left-hand corner4 ,where there is no street number the county1 or even the box number1 may be written directly beneath the name of the town4 ,the stamp should be invariably placed squarely and right-side up in the upper right-hand corner4 ,a request for return in a given time may be written1 if necessary1 in the upper left-hand corner4 ,a physician is addressed thus3 ,,dr4 ,,albert ,,young1 ,watseka1 ,iowa4 ,or1 ,,albert ,,young1 ,m4,d41 ,watseka1 ,iowa4 ,in addressing the wife of a doctor the following formula may be used3 ,,mrs4 ,,dr4 ,,albert ,,young1 ,watseka1 ,iowa4 ,the strictest etiquette1 however1 would involve writing3 ,,mrs4 ,,albert ,,young1 care of ,dr4 ,albert ,young1 ,watseka1 ,iowa4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,place ,,for ,,stamp ,,and ,,superscription4 ,either of the above forms may be taken for addressing the wife of a professor1 an army or ,united ,states official1 a minister or a legal dignitary1 always remembering that the longer is more elegant1 as3 ,,mrs4 ,,melville ,b4 ,,fuller1 care of the ,hon4 ,melville ,b4 ,fuller1 ,chief ,justice of the ,united ,states1 ,washington1 ,d4,c4 ,the ,president1 however1 would be addressed3 ,to the ,president1 ,executive ,mansion1 ,washington1 ,d4,c4 ,this is the simplest form1 and as such1 in the best taste1 but it is sometimes written3 ,to the ,president of the ,united ,states1 ,,honorable ,,grover ,,cleveland4 ,his ,excellency was formerly used in addressing the ,president and the ,governors of ,states1 but it is largely abandoned as inconsistent with the lack of titles in our country4 ,the same rule is observed in writing to the ,governor of a ,state3 ,to the ,governor1 ,gubernatorial ,mansion1 ,springfield1 ,ill4 ,or1 ,to the ,governor1 ,,robert ,p4 ,,morton1 ,albany1 ,n4,y4 ,a member of the ,cabinet3 ,to the ,honorable1 the ,secretary of the ,interior1 ,washington1 ,d4,c4 ,a ,state official has the following address3 ,,dr4 ,,john ,c4 ,,wyatt1 ,secretary of the ,state ,board of ,charity1 ,springfield1 ,ill4 ,in addressing one person in care of another the form would be3 ,,mrs4 ,,john ,,draper1 ,grand de ,tour1 ,ill4 ,care ,dr4 ,i4,s4 ,prime4 ,a note to be delivered by a friend is always unsealed and usually addressed3 ,,miss ,,florence ,,warden1 ,vassar ,college1 ,poughkeepsie1 ,n4,y4 ,kindness of ,,mr4 ,g4,a4 ,,rhodes4 ,a still better form is to simply use the address of the person without farther preamble4 ,always fold a letter sheet so that the opening lines face the reader on unfolding4 ,punctuation ,marks4 ,punctuation and capitalization are very necessary matters in the art of letter-writing1 but in these days of common schools1 and all but compulsory education1 it is to be supposed that some knowledge of these important facts will have been gained4 ,it will not be amiss1 however1 to mention a few of the most necessary rules4 ,the four chief punctuation points are the comma1 semicolon1 colon1 period4 ,in the days of our grandmothers children were taught to mind their stops1 with this rule for a guide3 ,count one at a comma1 two at a semicolon1 three at a colon1 and four at a period1 or 'full stop4' ,in punctuating the date1 address1 closing and superscription of a letter1 certain rules are necessary4 ,one of these is that a period follows all abbreviations1 such as those of title1 state and county1 and separates and follows all initials1 whether abbreviations of names or titles2 while the slight pause occurring between such abbreviations is marked by a comma1 and the end of the date1 like the end of a sentence1 is closed by a period2 for example3 #edj ,west ,main ,st41 ,galesburgh1 ,ill4 ,or1 ,poughkeepsie1 ,n4,y41 ,jan4 #aj1 #ahi-4 ,a colon suggests something more to follow1 hence in the salutation of a letter we find a colon at the end1 signifying that the body of the letter is yet to come1 as3 ,dear ,sir3 or1 where the communication begins on same line of salutation1 we find both colon and dash1 as3 ,dear ,madame3--,yours of1 etc4 ,commas are used frequently to divide long complex sentences1 and the sentence is somewhat further broken by the use of the semicolon between its more decided sections4 ,abraham ,lincoln once said3 ,i throw in a semicolon whenever ,i am at a loss what pause to use2 it always fits4 ,the complimentary close of the letter is followed by a comma and the signature by a period4 ,a period also separates and follows two or more initials1 as3 ,yours truly1 7,,mrs47 ,,adeline ,d4,t4 ,,whitney4 ,writing the ,superscription4 ,a very long complimentary conclusion should be punctuated like a sentence1 as3 ,i am1 dear madam1 with the most profound esteem1 ,yours truly1 ,,james ,,talbot4 ,the superscription on the envelope is to be punctuated according to the above given rules4 ,an interrogation point 787 should be used at the end of all questions4 ,it is in truth1 as the small boy said1 ,a little crooked thing that asks questions4 ,the exclamation point 767 expressing astonishment1 the dash and parenthesis1 need only be employed by those thoroughly understanding their use4 ,quotation marks 7 7 should always be placed at the beginning and end of words quoted from another2 slang1 or any fashionable fad if written1 should be quoted4 ,as for capitals1 one should begin every sentence1 all names of persons and places1 all appellations of the ,deity1 the first word of every line of poetry1 and show themselves in the pronoun ,i1 and the exclamation ,o4 ,sealing wax is to be used1 or not1 as inclination directs1 but neatness and skill are necessary in its use1 or an unsightly blotch will result1 than which the self-sealing envelope is far preferable4 ,a heavy cream-white envelope sealed with a large1 perfect seal of rich red1 or bronze-brown wax with a clear monogram or initial stamped thereon1 is always pleasing to the eye4 ,to very slightly oil the seal will prevent it adhering to the wax and thereby spoiling the impression4 ,in a foreign correspondence1 the self-sealing envelopes are better since in tropical countries the great heat often melts the wax1 and it is always liable1 during transportation in the holds of vessels1 to become cracked and loosened from the paper by the weight of other goods1 and close packing in the hold4 ,final remarks are scarcely necessary1 but it might be suggested that it is rather fashionable to write one's full name1 as more elegant than initials4 ,a lady never signs herself simply by initials4 ,mary ,creighton ,cutter should so write her name1 or1 at least1 ,mary ,c4 ,cutter4 ,never ,m4,c4 ,cutter4 ,a gentleman is privileged to do this in business or formal letters1 but in any others1 instead of ,l4,b4 ,bancroft he is ,lucius ,bright ,bancroft or ,lucius ,b4 ,bancroft4 ,points to be ,remembered4 ,margins are no longer a necessity even in the most formal letters4 ,sometimes in writing a long1 friendly1 not formal1 letter1 instead of utilizing one side only of the paper1 it is written across the sheet upon the first and fourth pages1 and then lengthwise upon the second and third1 though of course it is perfectly correct to write upon the pages consecutively4 ,tautology1 or a continued repetition of the same word1 is a disagreeable and inelegant fault in writing1 as3 ,if ,john will come home1 we will all come1 but if he fails to come1 we will not come until he can come also4 ,one other point remains to touch upon3 ,any one that has ever glanced at the ,correspondence ,column of any paper will see how often young women ask if it is proper to write to gentlemen who have requested the favor of corresponding with them1 and which should write first4 ,this point is rightfully one that should be settled by the mother or other guardian of the girl2 but let it be said here that while this is the only country in the world where a so-called friendly correspondence is or can be carried on between young men and young women with1 or without1 any particular object in view1 even here it is well to be careful4 ,girls are sometimes a little too confidential1 and all men are not gentlemen1 outward polish notwithstanding4 ,a friendship too easily won or too fully expressed is not always prized1 and while manly men are supposed never to boast of the number of their correspondents1 yet club-room walls1 could they speak1 would stamp many a man as less than a gentleman4 ,titles4 ,the proper use of titles forms an important item in letter-writing4 ,the slightest hesitancy on this point shows a lack of culture on the part of the writer that lowers him at once in the eyes of the recipient4 ,the ordinary social titles used are simple and familiar4 ,these are3 ,mrs41 ,madam1 ,miss1 for women2 ,mr41 ,esq41 ,messrs41 ,sir1 for men1 and ,master for boys4 ,of course1 in writing to an acquaintance1 while the outer address retains all its formality1 the commencement will be whatever is warranted by the degree of friendship between the parties4 ,domestic ,titles4 ,by the constitution of the ,united ,states it is provided that no titles of nobility shall be granted by the government4 ,neither shall a person holding a governmental office accept any title from any king1 prince or foreign state1 except express permission be given by ,congress4 ,the ,president of the ,united ,states and the ,governor of ,massachusetts are the only citizens possessing as officials a title by legislative act4 ,this title is the same3 ,excellency4 ,governors of other states are given this title by courtesy only4 ,however1 this title may be omitted at discretion1 and indeed the simpler form given is far more suited to our ,republican simplicity of manners4 ,the following list will be found a complete guide in the use of all honorary titles sanctioned by custom in the ,united ,states3 ,ambassadors1 ,foreign1 to the ,united ,states1 are addressed officially by the titles recognized in their own countries1 and if they have no title1 as ,mr4 ----1 followed by title of office4 ,united ,states ambassadors to foreign countries1 officially as ,mr4 ---- or ,hon4 ----1 followed by title of office4 ,there are but four ambassadors sent out by the ,united ,states1 the ministers to ,russia and ,england having been but lately invested with that title4 ,the ,hon4 ,john ,jones1 ,united ,states ,ambassador to the ,united ,kingdom of ,great ,britain and ,ireland1 or to the ,court of ,st4 ,james4 ,archbishop 7,roman ,catholic7--,letters addressed3 ,the ,most ,reverend ----1 ,d4,d41 ,archbishop of ----4 ,associate ,justices--,addressed with3 ,hon41 name and name of office1 but spoken of as ,mr4 ,justice ----4 ,bishop--,addressed3 ,the ,right ,reverend ----1 ,d4,d41 ,bishop of ----4 ,the address of ,protestant ,episcopal and ,roman ,catholic ,bishops is precisely the same4 ,bishops of the ,methodist ,episcopal ,church are addressed as the ,reverend ,bishop ----1 ,d4,d4 ,cabinet ,members--,addressed as3 ,honorable1 usually contracted to ,hon41 as3 ,hon4 ,james ,johnson1 ,secretary of ,state1 ,washington1 ,d4,c4 ,cardinal 7,roman ,catholic7 is addressed in writing1 and spoken of as3 ,his ,eminence ----1 ,cardinal 7,bishop1 ,priest1 or ,deacon1 according to rank7 of the ,holy ,roman ,church1 spoken to as1 ,your ,grace4 ,chief ,justice--,addressed as3 ,hon4 ,chief ,justice of the ,supreme ,court of the ,united ,states4 ,chief ,justice's ,wife--,addressed as3 ,mrs4 ,chief ,justice ----1 by virtue of a social custom that is largely observed4 ,this custom does not extend to daughters4 ,clergymen--,addressed as3 ,the ,rev4 ----1 spoken to as1 ,mr4 ----4 ,if a doctor of divinity1 addressed as1 ---- ----1 ,d4,d41 or ,the ,reverend ----1 ,d4,d41 and spoken to or of as1 ,dr4 ----4 ,college ,degrees4--,all recipients of regular or honorary degrees should be addressed by name followed by abbreviation of degree3 ,a4,b41 ,a4,m41 ,ph4,d41 ,m4,d41 ,d4,d41 as ---- ----1 ,a4,b4 ,congress1 members of--,addressed3 ,hon4 ----1 ,m4,c4 ,esquire4--,justice of the peace1 as well as some grades of lawyers1 are addressed in writing and spoken of as ----1 ,esq4 ,any gentleman may be so addressed1 but ,mr4 is preferable4 ,government--,official communications from--,always begin ,sir4 ,governor4--,may be addressed as ,his ,excellency the ,governor of ----4 ,spoken to1 ,your ,excellency4 ,see1 also1 other forms given before4 ,governor's wife is by courtesy addressed1 ,mrs4 ,governor ----4 ,this usage does not apply to daughters4 ,judges--,addressed by courtesy with the title1 ,honorable1 contracted to ,hon41 and the name of the office usually follows1 as3 ,hon4 ----1 ,u4,s4 ,senate4 ,legislature1 members of4--,address as1 ,hon4 ----1 followed by name of office4 ,mayor4--,the ,hon4 ,mr4 ----1 ,mayor of ----4 ,minister1 ,american--,addressed as3 ,hon4 ----1 ,american 7or ,u4,s47 ,minister to ,france4 ,municipal ,councils1 members of4--,courtesy grants the title ,honorable4 ,officers of ,army and ,navy4--,addressed by name1 followed by title of highest rank attained1 and1 if in command of a military division1 naval squadron or station1 or on retired list1 by a signification of the fact1 as3 ---- ----1 ,major ,general ,u4,s4,a41 ,commanding ,military ,division of the ,atlantic2 ---- ----1 ,rear ,admiral ,u4,s4,n41 ,commanding ,european ,squadron2 ---- ----1 ,general ,u4,s4,a41 ,retired4 ,president4--,addressed as ,his ,excellency the ,president of the ,united ,states4 ,spoken to as1 ,your ,excellency4 ,president's ,wife4--,addressed by courtesy1 ,mrs4 ,president ----4 ,usage does not apply to daughters4 ,,forms ,,for ,,letters ,illustration ,lord ,chesterfield says in those inimitable letters to his son1 that style is the dress of thoughts1 and let them be ever so just1 if your style is homely1 coarse and vulgar1 they will appear to as much disadvantage as your person1 though ever so well proportioned1 would if dressed in rags1 dirt and tatters4 ,so true is this that graceful commonplaces1 either spoken or written1 are far more apt to produce a pleasing impression than weightier matter awkwardly uttered1 or uncouthly expressed4 ,hence1 the length and familiarity of the friendly epistle should never be carried into the short1 concisely worded business letter1 while the social note1 though brief1 should differ greatly in its gracefully turned phrases from the formal note of acceptance1 regret1 application1 or introduction4 ,the following forms are to be looked upon1 not as copies1 but chiefly as suggestions that may be used to solve some doubtful point4 ,social and ,friendly ,letters4 ,these are less subject to rule than any other class1 and the models here given are simply to show how flowing and easy the style may be between friend and friend1 or how gracious and instructive from parent to child4 ,in the friendly letter great freedom of detail is allowable1 especially among near relatives4 ,you do not tell me half enough1 writes ,h4,h4 from ,europe4 ,i even want to know if the front gate is off its hinges4 ,but do not render a friendly letter so long as to tax the patience of the reader4 ,samivel ,veller discovered one of the secrets of letter-writing when he made that famous love letter of his short1 so she vill vish there vos more of it4 ,neither railing1 nor fretfulness1 nor too great egotism1 is wise in letter-writing1 for written words have a sad fashion of outlasting the mood in which they were penned1 nay1 even the hand that penned them4 ,letters of ,introduction4 ,these are left unsealed1 that the bearer may be permitted to read the contents4 ,they are brief1 so that if read in the presence of the person introduced1 the slight embarrassment may be shortened as much as possible4 ,they usually contain a reference to the occupation or character of the individual in order that some slight clue may be given to the recipient in beginning a conversation1 and usually conclude with some pleasant1 complimentary phrase4 ,one simple form would be3 ,,evanston1 ,january #a1 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,miss ,,kimberlin3 ,this letter will introduce to you my friend1 ,mr4 ,otis ,van ,orin1 a member of the ,corps of ,civil ,engineers1 to be located near your home for several months during a partial survey of the new railroad4 ,may ,i not be assured that you will extend to him some of the hospitalities of your delightful home1 thus being to him that friend at court so desirable to the stranger in a strange land8 ,trusting that this will be the case1 ,i am1 ,very sincerely yours1 ,,charles ,h4 ,,calcraft4 ,another1 from a mother introducing her daughter to an old friend1 would read3 ,,waterbury1 ,conn41 ,march #aj1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,frances3 ,my daughter ,madge will present this letter in person1 as she is about to enter school in your town for a several years' course of study4 ,under these circumstances1 and in memory of our own lifelong friendship1 may ,i not ask that you will help her to forget some of the sorrow of this1 the first parting her happy1 young life has known8 ,trusting that you will do this for the sake of auld lang syne1 ,i am1 as ever1 your friend1 ,,margaret ,m4 ,,blatchford4 ,,mrs4 ,,frances ,h4 ,,page1 ,portland1 ,me4 ,a still briefer form would be3 ,,baltimore1 ,md41 ,november #bj1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,denton3 ,my friend1 ,louis ,ross1 will present this note4 ,any kindness you may show him will confer a favor upon ,yours truly1 ,,frank ,p4 ,,breckenridge4 ,,to ,,mr4 ,,james ,,denton1 ,ottumwa1 ,ill4 ,the envelope to a letter of introduction should be addressed as follows3 ,,mr4 ,,james ,,denton1 ,ottumwa1 ,ill4 ,introducing ,,mr4 ,,louis ,,ross4 ,letters of introduction should not be sent indiscriminately1 as no one has a right to force a possibly undesirable acquaintance upon a friend1 while1 at the same time1 the individual asking such a favor should be thoroughly convinced that he is entitled to the privilege4 ,letters of introduction1 where they are between ladies1 may be left by the caller1 together with her card4 ,she must not1 however1 ask to see the lady of the house1 who is expected1 shortly after the receipt of such a missive1 to call in person1 and should endeavor1 during her stay1 to include her in a portion of her social plans for the season2 circumstances1 of course1 governing the extent to which these attentions should be carried4 ,a gentleman1 in presenting a letter of introduction to a lady1 may1 if she should be at home1 make his first call when sending in his letter and card1 whereon should be designated his hotel or place of residence4 ,if this should not be the case1 she will answer by sending her card with her reception day engraved upon it1 or1 if that be too far distant1 a note1 stating when he may call1 should be sent2 it may also be expected that her husband1 son or brother will call upon him and offer what civilities are at command4 ,even should neither card nor note be sent1 it is still permitted him to call once more4 ,his responsibility ceases here1 and if no attention follows he may conclude his friend has overstepped the limits of a slight acquaintance in giving him the letter of introduction4 ,a ,letter of ,recommendation to some position or appointment is very much the same as one of introduction4 ,its reception1 however1 does not necessitate social attentions4 ,the form is very simple3 #fdd ,,broadway1 ,,new ,,york1 ,november #bb1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,mr4 ,,hill3 ,recognizing1 as ,i do1 that your position in commercial circles will give your influence great weight1 ,i take it upon myself to introduce to you ,mr4 ,philip ,palmer1 a graduate of one of the best business colleges in ,new ,york ,city1 and a young man of integrity and capacity4 ,any recommendations which you can grant him will be looked upon as a favor by ,your friend1 ,,milton ,,jones4 ,,to ,,william ,,hill1 ,elmira1 ,n4,y4 ,a general letter of introduction1 intended for the perusal of strangers1 would read somewhat as follows3 ,to whom it may concern3 ,this is to certify that the bearer of this letter1 ,miss ,marietta ,hope1 was graduated with high honors from ,vassar ,college1 and has since taught in the schools of this city4 ,as her principal for a number of months1 ,i can truthfully recommend her as capable of filling any position for which she may apply4 ,,james ,h4 ,,blanchard1 ,principal of ,livingston ,school1 ,new ,york ,city4 ,letters of ,condolence should be written very soon after the occurrence of the sorrowful event1 and1 while brief1 should not be cold and formal2 neither should they touch the opposite extreme1 and1 by dwelling with maddening iteration upon the fresh sorrow1 harrow anew the stricken soul of the mourner4 ,the occasion should never be seized upon as a text for a sermon on resignation1 nor should frequent reference be made to various like bereavements suffered by the writer4 ,these comparisons only wound1 for there is no sorrow like unto my sorrow1 has ever been the cry of the stricken soul4 ,and when friends have done their little all1 each mourner still feels the truth of ,lowell's lines3 ,condole if you will1 ,i can bear it1 ',tis the well-meant alms of breath1 ,yet all of the preachings since ,adam ,cannot make ,death other than ,death4 ,yet friends cannot deny themselves the privilege of a few loving words1 and a letter on the loss of a beloved daughter might be as follows3 ,,cape ,,may1 ,june #a1 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,sutherland3 ,i cannot resist my desire to write you a few words of love and sorrow2 only a few1 for my heart is full and words seem very weak4 ,thank ,god1 my friend1 for the nineteen beautiful years that ended that morning in ,may4 ,if you could but know how sweet and tender a recollection she has left enshrined in the hearts of her friends1 and all the loving1 gracious utterances that are offered to her memory6 ,it is well with ,alice in heaven2 that it may be well with you on earth1 in the days that are to come1 is the prayer of ,your loving friend1 ,,marie4 ,to a friend who has sustained a financial loss might be written3 ,,tonawanda1 ,n4,y41 ,november #ab1 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,blake3 ,the first announcement that ,i had of your severe financial loss was through the morning paper4 ,i can only express my sorrow at the event and my indignation over the falsity of the cashier in whom you placed so much confidence4 ,hoping that you have employed the best of detective skill1 and that you will succeed in recovering a portion1 at least1 of the sequestrated funds1 ,i am1 ,yours sincerely1 ,,george ,g4 ,,parsons4 ,,mr4 ,,fletcher ,,blake1 ,president of the ,first ,national ,bank1 ,aurora1 ,minn4 ,it must be remembered that letters of condolence1 unlike those of congratulation1 are not expected to receive an early answer1 and1 in case of very deep affliction1 may remain seemingly unnoticed1 save perhaps1 after a time1 by cards of thanks4 ,letters of ,congratulation should be sent immediately upon the occurrence of the fortunate event that calls forth congratulatory wishes2 they should be brief1 gracefully worded and contain no mention of other matter4 ,the occasions in life that call forth such missives are numerous3 birthdays1 engagements1 marriages1 anniversaries1 business successes1 etc41 each1 or all1 should win some congratulatory notice4 ,the formal congratulation is in set terms1 usually written in the third person1 and may be used between individuals but slightly acquainted2 for example3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,stuart congratulate ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,fielding upon the successful conclusion of ,mr4 ,harold ,fielding's college course and express the pleasure with which they listened to the delivery of his eloquent oration on ,commencement ,day4 #ha ,st4 ,caroline's ,court1 ,july #a1 #ahi-4 ,this1 in common with all congratulatory letters1 should be replied to at once1 and1 wherever any missive is written in the third person1 the reply must follow the same fashion4 ,an appropriate answer for the above form would be3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,fielding unite in sending thanks to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,stuart for kindly praise awarded their son ,harold on the late important event in his life1 and also for the exquisite flowers they sent to grace the occasion4 #hia ,michigan ,avenue1 ,july #b1 #ahi-4 ,a friendly congratulation in the first person is less stately1 as1 for instance1 one friend might congratulate another upon his marriage3 ,,georgetown1 ,d4,c41 ,january #aj1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,jack3 ,and so they were married and lived happy ever after1 of course4 ,at least1 that is what you and ,mrs4 ,julia anticipate at this present time1 and is what ,i1 knowing you both1 do confidently predict4 ,accept my heartfelt congratulations1 and believe me ,your true friend1 ,,richard ,,doe4 ,,to ,,john ,,myers1 ,esq41 ,yankton1 ,da4 ,answer to the foregoing might be3 ,,yankton1 ,da41 ,january #bj1 #ahi-4 ,,dear ,,dick3 ,julia and ,i received your congratulations with pleasure1 my only regret being that ,i cannot return them in kind4 ,gather roses while ye may1 ,old ,time's a-flying4 ,a word to the wise1 etc41 and let me speedily have occasion to felicitate you in like manner4 ,your friend and well-wisher1 ,,john ,,myers4 ,,mr4 ,,richard ,,doe1 ,georgetown1 ,d4,c4 ,it should be mentioned here that while one congratulates a gentleman upon his engagement1 or marriage1 and may congratulate his parents upon the same occasion1 it is inadmissible to congratulate a lady on a similar event1 or to extend the congratulations to her parents4 ,well-bred mothers have been known to resent this solecism keenly4 ,you may1 and indeed are expected to1 offer to her1 and her parents1 all manner of good wishes for future happiness1 but be sure not to congratulate4 ,almost any success1 or pleasant happiness in life1 may be made the subject of a congratulatory letter1 but a multiplicity of forms is unnecessary here4 ,proposals1 ,engagements1 ,naming the ,day1 and other letters of this description are important affairs that may all be transacted through the medium of correspondence1 but it is to be hoped that a matter so closely personal will quicken the imagination and inspire the pen of the dullest swain4 ,let him woo his ,dulcinea swiftly and tempestuously1 as ,king ,hal wooed ,kate1 or let him serve twice seven years as ,jacob served for ,rachel1 but let him never search out printed forms whereby to declare his passion2 nor fit the measure of his love to the lines of the ,model ,letter-,writer4 ,as to naming the day1 'twere a wordless lover indeed who could not say1 as the poet says3 ,sun comes1 moon comes1 ,time slips away4 ,sun sets1 moon sets1 ,love1 fix a day4 ,the note has become a factor in modern social life4 ,we send a note when we send a gift1 when we ask a favor1 when we acknowledge a favor1 when we offer an apology1 when we postpone an engagement1 and when we give1 accept1 or refuse an informal invitation4 ,these forms will be given here for reference1 excepting those pertaining to invitations1 which are discussed in their place4 ,notes ,accompanying a ,gift should be brief1 prettily worded1 and strictly confined to the subject in hand2 for instance1 a gentleman sending flowers to a lady might say3 ,mr4 ,irwin1 hearing ,miss4 ,st4 ,john express a preference for roses1 hopes that he may have the pleasure of seeing her wearing the accompanying cluster this evening at the ,opera4 #ia ,ashland ,boulevard1 ,october #b;d4 ,the wearing of the flowers would be all the answer required by this note4 ,with a birthday gift an appropriately worded note would be as follows3 ,,at ,,home1 ,august #ast4 ,,dear ,,nettie3 ,remembering that your birthday is at hand1 ,i send you this little painting as a token of my love1 together with wishes for many happy returns of this day4 ,your friend1 ,,marie ,,st4 ,,john4 ,these little notes should always receive an answer1 as1 for instance1 this last might be appropriately replied to thus3 #fcb ,,corson ,,street1 ,august #b4 #ahi-4 ,,my ,,dear ,,marie3 ,you cannot think with what delight ,i received your beautiful birthday gift1 rendered tenfold dearer by the knowledge that it is the handiwork of my friend4 ,with many thanks1 ,i am1 as ever1 yours1 ,,nettie ,d4 ,,caton4 ,notes of ,apology are a frequent necessity4 ,they should be written with promptness1 evince a repentant spirit1 and should be acknowledged pleasantly and forgivingly4 ,always remember in such a note to explain the cause rendering the apology necessary4 ,for instance1 an unfulfilled engagement might be apologized for thus3 ,,dear ,,miss ,,mason3 ,i cannot sufficiently regret that ,i was unfortunately prevented from keeping my engagement to drive with you on ,wednesday4 ,an important telegram1 received but a moment before the time set for our outing1 left me but a brief five minutes to catch the first train for ,r----1 where affairs1 permitting no delay1 awaited my attention4 ,dare ,i hope that ,i have your pardon for so great a seeming negligence8 ,very respectfully yours1 ,,john ,h4 ,,curran4 ,this note being written in the first person will be replied to in the same manner by the recipient3 ,,mr4 ,,curran 7or1 ,,dear ,,mr4 ,,curran1 according to the degree of familiarity73 ,i accept your apology as quite sufficient1 and beg that you will give yourself no further uneasiness over so unavoidable an occurrence4 ,i am1 sincerely1 ,,gertrude ,,mason4 ,notes of ,postponement are always to be sent when the necessity arises for deferring any social gathering4 ,write them promptly1 and explain the unavoidable reasons for the postponement2 for example3 ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,briggs3 ,it is with great regret that ,i inform you that our exhibition of private theatricals is indefinitely postponed on account of the sudden and serious illness of ,miss ,hope ,ledyard1 who was the chief star of our little company4 ,the ,lady of ,lyons1 with the ,lady left out1 would be like ,hamlet1 with the noble ,dane missing1 an impossible performance2 and1 as there was no one else so capable of filling the part as ,miss ,ledyard1 we are resolved to await her recovery4 ,your friend1 ,,elizabeth ,,stuart4 ,notes of ,request or ,refusal are frequently necessary1 but care should be taken neither to make an unreasonable request1 nor to return an unjustifiable refusal4 ,should denial seem imperative1 strive to imitate that ,english statesman who could refuse more gracefully than others could grant4 ,the following examples will suffice3 ,,dear ,,mrs4 ,,winterblossom3 ,you remember the little picture1 a ,sunset ,view1 that ,i admired so much the other evening at your home8 ,would you have any objection to lending it to me for a copy8 ,should you have even a shadow of dislike toward my proposition1 do not hesitate to refuse at once4 ,so many people are averse1 and justly so1 to having their paintings duplicated that ,i feel my request almost an impertinence4 ,believe me1 truly yours1 ,,edith ,,granger4 ,refusal to the same3 ,,my ,,dear ,,miss ,,granger3 ,i dread to answer your note1 since it must be a refusal of your request1 for the little printing is the property of a friend of mine1 who has left it1 together with a few others1 in my care during her tour in ,europe4 ,the fact that she has a morbid dislike to having duplicate copies made of her pictures1 forces me to deny a request that1 were the painting in question mine1 ,i would gladly grant4 ,sincerely your friend1 ,,helen ,,winterblossom4 ,business ,letters need especial care in writing4 ,they are to be read by men with whom time is precious and the demands upon it numerous4 ,hence they should be brief1 clearly worded and straight to the point4 ,such a letter is much more certain of speedy attention and prompt returns than the rambling1 incoherent missive of the unaccustomed writer4 ,if you want ten yards of ribbon of a certain color and quality1 say so1 but do not lose the order in a maze of irrelevant matter2 for instance3 ,,mendota1 ,ill41 ,april #d1 #ahi-4 ,,messrs4 ,,blank ,,co4 ,please send me3 #aj yards of black silk1 at #a per yard #aj #jj #ad yards of green cashmere1 at #ge;c4 per yard #aj #ej #a pair black kid gloves #a #ej #a pair tan kid gloves1 undressed #b #jj ------ ,total #bc #jj ,enclosed find money order for the above amount4 ,goods to be sent by ,american ,express4 ,by filling the above order quickly as possible1 you will greatly oblige1 ,,mary ,,mcnett4 ,address3 ,,mrs4 ,w4,d4 ,,mcnett1 ,mendota1 ,ill4 ,if there is any special reason for filling an order hastily1 such as a birthday gift or wedding present1 mention the fact briefly1 and care will be taken that it is sent in time4 ,always make use of money order1 draft or registered letter1 when sending other than very small amounts of money by mail4 ,should you have anything to say in such a letter aside from the affair in hand1 attend first and briefly to the matter of business1 and then add whatever remarks may seem necessary4 ,answers to ,advertisements should also be concisely worded1 as for example3 #fa ,,delaware ,,place1 ,february #ai1 #ahi-4 ,,mrs4 ,,general ,,channing3 ,seeing your advertisement for a governess in to-day's ,herald1 ,i wish to inform you that ,i am a graduate of ,wellesley1 and have1 for the two years since being graduated1 taught ,french and ,german in the college4 ,any references which you may desire as to my efficiency for completing the education of your daughter will be furnished you by the ,college ,faculty4 ,hoping to hear favorably from you1 ,i am1 respectfully1 7,,miss7 ,,elizabeth ,,stuart4 ,a letter of inquiry might be something as follows3 ,,dr4 ,j4,h4 ,,gratiot3 ,in making some inquiries relative to the present residence of a friend of mine1 ,miss ,grace ,gage1 a mutual acquaintance of ours1 ,mrs4 ,emmons ,b4 ,corthell1 of this place1 gave me your address1 suggesting that you could afford me the desired information4 ,this being the case1 would you be so kind as to send the lady's present address1 or1 by handing her this note1 permit her personally to furnish the desired information4 ,any communication addressed1 from now on1 to #abfg ,madison ,avenue1 will find and greatly oblige1 7,,miss7 ,,kate ,g4 ,,cox4 ,a letter of resignation1 being a rather formal document1 should be worded very much as follows3 ,to the ,directors of the ,owatonna ,public ,library4 ,,gentlemen3 ,i hereby tender my resignation of the ,librarianship of the ,owatonna ,public ,library1 said resignation to take effect on the ---- day of ----1 #ahi-4 ,thanking you for the kindness and thoughtfulness with which you have acceded to my wishes and requests during my late term of office1 ,i am1 respectfully1 ,,george ,h4 ,,graham4 ,,owatonna1 ,minn41 ,august #a1 #ahi-4 ,some ,don'ts and ,do's for ,letter-,writers4 ,don't write an anonymous letter2 it is a cowardly stab in the dark4 ,don't pay any attention to an anonymous letter2 it is not worth your regard4 ,don't conduct private correspondence on a postal card4 ,many persons consider this an insult4 ,a purely business message may be thus sent1 but even then the slight saving in postage is small recompense for the delay so often attending the delivery of postal cards4 ,don't use a postscript2 it is unnecessary1 old-fashioned1 school-girlish1 and in a particular1 punctilious letter the omission of any important matter necessitates the rewriting of the entire letter rather than the use of a postscript4 ,in very friendly letters one may be permitted to add the forgotten paragraph in the form of a postscript1 omitting1 however1 the obsolete abbreviation1 ,p4,s4 ,don't write on a half-sheet of paper unless the nature of the correspondence permits the use of the ordinary business letter-head4 ,if the note is short1 write only on one side of the paper1 but don't tear a sheet in half for economy's sake4 ,the rough1 torn edges1 denote haste1 ill-breeding1 or carelessness on the part of the writer4 ,don't use tablet paper for ceremonious letters4 ,don't write on both sides of the paper to any but very intimate friends or relatives1 they being disposed to tolerate slight departures from formality on our part4 ,don't meddle with foreign nouns or verbs unless conversant with the language itself2 incorrect and ungrammatical usage is too apt to be the unhappy result4 ,even foreign names and titles should not be used without the exactest care as to their orthography and application4 ,this rule should be especially remembered with reference to all matters destined to pass through hands editorial4 ,don't erase misspelled words in letters of any moment4 ,recopy the entire missive4 ,don't quote too constantly4 ,don't underscore your words1 unless they express something very important4 ,don't send enclosures in a letter written by some one else2 only the greatest intimacy can excuse this practice4 ,write your own letters and send in a separate envelope4 ,don't write a letter in a towering passion2 you would not care to have it confront you in some cooler moment4 ,don't cross the writing in your letters4 ,life is too short and the time and eyesight of your correspondent too precious for this4 ,don't fill up every available blank space and margin of your letter with forgotten messages4 ,if these are very valuable1 add an extra sheet to your letter1 thus saving its appearance and the patience of its recipient4 ,don't divide a syllable at the end of a line4 ,the printer may do this1 not the letter-writer4 ,don't fall into the habit of using long words in a letter1 they show a straining after effect4 ,one should say1 rather than observe1 talk1 rather than converse1 if one's missives are to be easy1 well-bred and readable4 ,don't refold a letter1 the marks always remain to show your carelessness4 ,fold it correctly the first time4 ,do remember to answer all important questions in a letter clearly and decisively4 ,do burn the great majority of your letters after answering4 ,those that are to be kept should be filed away in packages adding date and writer's name on corner of envelope and by a word or two suggesting the topics with which they deal4 ,this will save time in referring to them4 ,do answer your friendly letters with reasonable promptness4 ,to do otherwise is a breach of etiquette4 ,an unanswered letter is an insult1 a cut direct4 ,business letters1 of course1 must be replied to at once4 ,do send a postage stamp when you write a letter of inquiry1 the answer to which is of interest only to yourself4 ,a stamped and addressed envelope would be a still better enclosure4 ,do1 if you are an absent son or daughter1 write home promptly and regularly2 the comfort this will be to the parents at home1 and the pain they suffer at any negligence on your part1 cannot be overestimated4 ,husbands and wives1 when separated for a time1 would do well to follow this same advice4 ,do date your letters carefully4 ,events and proofs of the greatest importance have hung upon the date of a single letter4 ,do put sufficient stamps upon a letter to make sure of no extra postage falling to the lot of your correspondent4 ,do put your address plainly in all letters4 ,this ensures a prompt answer and1 in case of miscarriage1 a speedy return from the ,dead-,letter ,office4 ,do1 if a business man or woman1 have your address on the outside of your envelope4 ,this will make sure of your uncalled-for letters returning to you immediately4 ,it is well to do this in any case where a little uncertain as to the exact address of your correspondent4 ,do read your letters over carefully before sending1 that no errors may be overlooked4 ,do give every subject a separate paragraph instead of running the whole letter1 social items and sentiment1 all into one indistinguishable whole4 ,do begin the first line of each paragraph1 at least1 one inch from the margin1 of the page4 ,illustration ,artistic ,home ,decorations4 ,illustration ,the greatest art work the individual has to do is the building of a home4 ,a small and inexpensive house may be the ,house ,beautiful1 says ,edmund ,russell4 ,a famous architect once wrote that he could furnish a plan for a house of a given size and cost without knowing whether the owner was a millionaire or a day laborer4 ,but if he wanted a home the case was different4 ,i desire then to know his antecedents1 how he made his money1 the size of his family1 the number of his servants1 and how his daughters spend their time3 whether they are domestic1 musical1 literary or stylish4 ,i want to know the number and quality of his guests1 whether he drinks wine with his dinner1 and his views on sanitary questions2 for this home-building is not mere spending1 it is the shaping of human destiny4 ,in a home things must be beautiful and true and good1 and as a celebrated art critic says1 related to us1 belonging to us1 expressing us at our best2 our taste and culture1 our personal likings1 our comforts and needs1 and not merely the high-tide mark of our purses4 ,fireplaces and ,windows4 ,we are all of us by nature fire worshipers and the altar of every home is1 or should be1 the glowing1 open fire4 ,next to this are the great1 clear windows meant to admit the glorious glances of the fire worshiper's sun4 ,as to the first1 if you can have but one1 the house or the fireplace1 give up the house and keep the fire4 ,if you wish to test the soundness of this advice1 build a house1 furnish it extravagantly and supply furnace heat to all but one room1 and in that room build upon an ample hearth a glowing fire of hickory logs1 and in the presence of that genial blaze1 upon the bare floor of that unfurnished room1 will gather the united household4 ,the broader this family hearth the better4 ,the old ,english baronial halls with their mighty fireplaces and their great stone hearths had more of light and beauty than all our modern improvements4 ,illustration3 ,,artistic ,,fireplace4 ,next come the broad1 open windows4 ,better one window five feet wide than two of two and a half feet4 ,better for light1 warmth or interior furnishing1 and better for the illuminating effect1 upon the whole apartment4 ,stairways4 ,stairs are a necessity1 and their comfort and sightliness depend on several features4 ,steps must be broad and deep1 landings wide and windowed1 if may be4 ,if they must be crowded into a narrow hallway it is better that they be made deep and sloping as space permits1 and then inclosed with an archway and curtain at foot instead of a door4 ,this also saves heat4 ,but where the great square reception hall can be devoted to them they may be made a thing of beauty4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,lover',s ,,tale4 ,woodwork4 ,says one writer1 ,there is a widespread illusion gone out through the world that to have everything in a dwelling 'finished in hard wood throughout1' as the advertisements say1 is the only orthodox thing4 ,paint smells of turpentine and heresy4 ,in this respect it is useless to deny that there is solid comfort in the permanency and genuineness of oak1 walnut1 or ash1 that paint is powerless to give4 ,but the natural color of woods in many cases may fail to harmonize with the scheme of color to be carried out in the furnishings of the apartment4 ,in such case1 the woodwork should be subjected to delicate1 harmonious1 painted tints1 or polish or gilding1 as the case may be4 ,illustration3 ,,window ,,decoration4 ,there is a great variety of woods from which we may choose1 but to obtain from them the finer shadings and combinations of color is difficult1 not to say impossible4 ,there is no necessity for making the woodwork that is to be painted unnecessarily substantial or elaborate4 ,woods such as white maple1 holly1 poplar1 for the light effects2 black birch1 cherry1 mahogany1 for darker4 ,one fallacy among people1 says an architect1 is an immovable faith that the first duty of a human apartment is to look as high as possible4 ,a cathedral1 or the rotunda of the ,capitol1 must have height to produce an overpowering effect4 ,but in an ordinary room of ordinary size1 comfort1 convenience and prettiness are more to be sought after than height4 ,illustration ,ordinary woodwork must be painted in such shades as will debar it from occupying the prominent position to which positive beauty is alone entitled4 ,give it a similarity to the ground of the paper1 but a little darker1 and the rounded surface of any fancy moldings1 a shade or two darker4 ,paint the doors the same1 except the panels1 which may be decorated1 in which case they must be painted the tint of the furniture as a background for the design4 ,this may be very simple1 a band of color1 a vine in outline or flat color4 ,trace the outline of wild vines1 or ferns1 anything graceful4 ,originality is not demanded4 ,there are good reasons why window casings should start from floor or base1 since in this way a visible means of support is given to the entire window1 which otherwise has a suspended1 insecure look4 ,the panel underneath may be of wood or plaster4 ,doors4 ,doors are the greatest problem in a room4 ,they monopolize the space on the floor and wall that should be free for pictures and large articles of furniture1 and otherwise completely demoralize the apartment4 ,to do away with this inconvenience substitute heavy curtains whenever an impassable barrier is unnecessary2 closet doors1 for instance1 and those between parlors4 ,again1 doors that are much open may be made to slide into the walls4 ,then1 for ornament and as a screen1 the doorway may be furnished with hangings1 costly or not1 as the purse may dictate4 ,the outer doors are intended as a defense from intrusion from without4 ,it is not really good taste to have these doors of plate glass as that militates against the primal idea of strength and protection4 ,a ,door ,divan4 ,chairs and sofas we have without end in variety and beauty4 ,every alcove and nook in every possible sort of room has been thought of and provided for except the one place that exists in almost every house and is the one place where people are always wanting to sit--that is the doorway itself4 ,folding doors between communicating rooms are seldom closed4 ,an ordinary chair within a few feet of the space never looks well4 ,it shows its back to one room or the other and is in the way4 ,a divan is an addition to any decorative arrangement of either room4 ,it does not interfere with any graceful drapery that may be arranged at the door4 ,it is decidedly useful1 convenient and gives a certain touch of the unusual to the room4 ,an ,improvised ,bookcase4 ,a superfluous doorway or window too often mars the effect of a room1 and the present day architecture1 as found in cheap apartments and houses1 frequently abounds in this sort of generosity4 ,to surmount the difficulty a very useful inclosure can be constructed by placing two uprights and a few shelves within the door jamb1 or against it1 as the case may be4 ,staining or painting them to match the rest of the woodwork is a small matter1 while arranging brass rods and pretty curtains is not much more4 ,screens4 ,screens are a necessary object of household adornment4 ,it is not requisite that they should be expensive1 but the uses to which they can be put are legion4 ,a plain frame of hard wood1 or pine stained1 rectangular1 three or four inches wide and one inch thick1 furnished with feet1 and with or without castors1 is all that is necessary4 ,covering may be done with a great variety of materials1 cheap or dear4 ,ornamentation may be applied1 embroidered1 sketched1 outlined1 or painted4 ,if the screen is made in two or three parts to fold like clothes bars1 feet will not be necessary4 ,a rustic fire-screen is a unique affair1 handsome and useful where there are open fires1 as a shield from heat in cold weather1 and as a screen for the emptiness of grate or fireplace during the summer4 ,it is formed from natural branches1 two straight and two crotched ones1 from which all the smaller branches and twigs have been cut away so as to have but little more than protruding knots4 ,when these are well seasoned1 rub1 brush and rebrush1 both with a soft brush and a stiff one1 to remove from every crevice in the bark every loose particle of moss and dust4 ,then1 with liquid gold1 gild the bark all over1 or1 if preferred1 gild only the bare wood where it is exposed at the ends and where the limbs are cut off1 and give a touch of gold to every crack or protuberance1 or1 if a smoother finish is desired1 remove all of the bark and smoothly gild or enamel the whole surface4 ,the screen1 suspended from the upper crosspiece1 is a fringed silk rug woven on a hand loom1 as old-fashioned carpets were woven4 ,it falls freely from the top1 its own weight keeping it in place1 but it might be tied to the standards--half way down and at the upper corners--with bows of braid1 soft ribbon or with heavy tassel-tipped cords1 or a smaller rug without fringe might be suspended by gilt rings and finished at the bottom with a row of tassels in mingled shades4 ,in a small apartment1 where the radiator is an objection1 hang on the wall over it a large picture1 placing before the unsightly heater a screen of not too high dimensions4 ,if a space is too large for your picture1 hang on either side a bracket1 on which place a quaint jug or jar4 ,illustration ,for a sewing-room1 or1 in fact1 any apartment where the weekly mending is done1 a darning screen is wonderfully commodious4 ,its conveniences consist of two capacious pockets1 to hold stockings or any garment fresh from the laundry and needing attention2 a handy shelf whereon to place one's sewing1 a tidy little cushion with scissors and loosely swung by ribbons to one side4 ,illustration3 ,,ornamental ,,screen4 ,it is a delightful bit of property to serve one1 while seated at an open window in summer time or upon an upper veranda with one's work1 looking out over the sea with the perfume of flowers in the air4 ,trim the skeleton screen to harmonize with the fittings of the room4 ,a carpenter constructed the framework for the two panels1 with the bar across the top1 and the little shelf for twenty-five cents4 ,the pine used was an old packing box4 ,the panels must be three and one-half feet high and eighteen inches wide1 made of strips three inches broad4 ,the shelf should be eight inches wide and twelve inches long4 ,four yards and one-half of chintz in cream-tinted ground1 sprinkled with ,dresden nosegays gaily dashed with pink and delicate green color1 eight cents a yard4 ,four grades of delicate pink silesia and two and one-half yards of unbleached muslin for interlining1 made an item of fifty cents4 ,hinges and corners and nail-heads of brass1 satin ribbon and tacks1 by considerable calculation1 can be pressed into the amount of seventy-five cents4 ,a ,saturday morning industriously spent in the upholstery of the little screen presented it in completeness4 ,screens can be used to protect from drafts of air1 by day or night1 to keep the sun from an exposed spot on the carpet1 to shade the light from weary eyes1 to temporarily close archways that have no doors1 and to conceal a door that is not often used4 ,they will divide a large room into two small ones when a sudden influx of company arrives1 or even close in a corner for the same hospitable emergency4 ,they make delightful nooks in sitting-rooms for the little folks' playhouse1 or they may screen off1 from the morning caller1 a temporary sewing-room in the back parlor1 and in sleeping-rooms1 occupied by more than one person1 a cosy dressing-room may be made by their use4 ,draperies4 ,the new swinging portires that have appeared have a handsome swinging crane fastened to the wall near the ceiling1 upon which a portire or curtain is suspended4 ,this can then be swung back against the wall or swung out to make a cozy corner or to shut off one portion of a room from another4 ,these swinging portires can in many cases be made to take the place of screens and often fit with great advantage where a fixed portire of the old sort could not be used4 ,the handsome cranes are of course more or less expensive1 but a home-made substitute will answer the purpose very well4 ,it is not exactly home-made1 however1 for the services of a blacksmith may have to be called in to bend the three-eighths inch iron rod into shape for use4 ,the ends are bent to fit into screw eyes or other sockets fastened to the wall1 upon which this improvised crane can be swung4 ,the portire is suspended from the iron rod by rings4 ,denim is one of the best of all fabrics for a portire in rooms constantly used4 ,it may be washed out and will look quite as well as new4 ,if you want a variety put one entire width in right side out1 and split another and join to the first section1 putting the side pieces wrong side out4 ,sew the seams1 then fell them and featherstitch the outside of the seams in colored linen4 ,then with a teacup or saucer draw some circles1 intersecting or lapping at one edge4 ,work these with linen in short stitches and make eccentric lines or spider-web lines from the central design4 ,the edges may be hemmed or featherstitched or done in buttonhole and cut out in scallops4 ,it is better to have the edge of the facing instead of making a turned-in hem4 ,then denim1 as a floor covering1 wears far better than low-cost matting and never becomes disagreeably faded2 for1 being made for hard usage1 it but takes a quieter tone when other blues would surely fade into unpleasant1 soiled-looking hues4 ,some ,useful ,bits of ,furniture4 ,a settee table of oak has an adjustable top1 which can be turned over by the removal of two pegs1 making a high back to the bench1 whose deep seat is utilized as a household linen closet4 ,these tables are in great demand where the saving of space is an object and come in various sizes4 ,they can be purchased without the top and used as a window seat4 ,one in a pretty studio of a woman artist in ,new ,york was most artistically treated4 ,it was painted a dull green4 ,the back and the lid of the seat were upholstered in an effective gold colored tapestry drawn over a padding of hair and held down by gimp and gilt nails1 making a most artistic seat or table1 as its use for either was required4 ,another one was stained green1 and on the back and lid of the seat was used natural toned burlap1 with stenciled griffins in dark brown as a decoration4 ,illustration3 ,a ,,painting ,,for ,,home ,,decoration4 ,these tables may be treated in various ways to suit their surroundings4 ,it is suggested in ,the ,decorator and ,furnisher that one stained the natural oak and upholstered in green rep1 turcoman1 corduroy1 burlap or denim would be most attractive1 or for green1 substitute brown in the same materials and put on with dull brass nails1 making an effective seat for a hall4 ,another1 painted white and enameled1 would be charming in a blue and white dining-room4 ,upholster in dark blue denim with white nails1 and fill with a number of pretty pillows in various designs of blue and white1 and one of vivid scarlet to give a warm touch1 which is needed in these coldly decorated rooms4 ,the lovely liberty chintzes in dark blue and white1 and sometimes yellow1 red and white on blue1 are good to use on these settees1 which are first painted black4 ,a ,hanging ,desk4 ,the economy of space necessary in apartment living has brought about the evolution of some remarkable pieces of furniture that may be useful in small houses anywhere4 ,the writing desk may be included in the list of household wonders directly attributable to the necessity of fitting that most useful household article in a six by ten apartment4 ,when closed1 it really occupies the very smallest amount of room imaginable1 and for the young students' use1 or in flat bedrooms1 where space is at a premium1 it is unique and valuable4 ,the material may be oak or such wood as one fancies4 ,pine enameled in white or black is as good1 so long as it matches the woodwork or furniture of the room4 ,two strips of the wood1 each two inches by three feet1 are attached to the wall by long screws4 ,across the top of these are placed three shelves about five inches wide1 supported by brackets of brass4 ,between the two upper ones partitions are glued in to form pigeonholes4 ,from four to six inches from the lower end of each of the strips of wood is firmly placed a strip about two inches wide1 to which is hinged the shelf that forms the desk4 ,this is upheld when open by brass chains1 and is thus made firm4 ,when it is desired to close it1 it is merely shut to the wall1 the chains falling into place4 ,the ledge upon which the lid is hinged forms a firm place for the inkstand and other necessary fitments of a desk4 ,against the wall1 between the supporting strips1 may be fixed a ,japanese panel or some tapestry or silk1 as taste may dictate4 ,a picture can be so fastened to the panel as to form a good letter or cardholder4 ,the whole affair is simple and easily managed4 ,any good carpenter will make the necessary woodwork for a very small sum4 ,a ,window ,desk4 ,one of the most convenient and altogether satisfactory contrivances quite in the power of a woman to manipulate is a window desk4 ,take a board about fifteen inches wide and saw it the length of the window sill4 ,put small iron hinges on it and screw it to the sill1 so that it can hang down against the under wall when desirable4 ,tack a narrow strip of wood under the board1 near the front edge4 ,resting on the floor and wedged under this cleat there is a prop of planed wood1 slender and neat looking4 ,you can put a beading around the board1 with small brads and stain it cherry or some other color4 ,the sill holds pens1 pencils and inkstands1 and a large blotter laid on the board1 is a most desirable writing pad4 ,this idea comes from an art student in ,paris1 who dotes on her window desk4 ,it will be found useful in the nursery as a place for pasting pictures1 drawings1 etc41 and when done can be swung down and out of the way4 ,a ,hall ,chest4 ,a pretty hall chest is one of the things that may be successfully produced at home4 ,in a seaport town1 the chest of some ancient mariner is easily procured2 otherwise1 one of similar style and make must be fashioned for you by a carpenter4 ,as it need only be made of soft wood the cost is not great4 ,after it has left the carpenter's hands it may be decorated with the applied ornamentation in scroll design1 which is now obtainable ready to put on1 and afterward treated to a coat of stain4 ,old oak is the most satisfactory1 or it may be ebonized1 if preferred4 ,polished brass corners and hinges may be added1 and a row of brass nails set around the edge with good effect4 ,the convenience of these chests for hall use has been accepted4 ,they beautifully conceal rubbers1 mackintoshes1 a storm shawl and various unsightly but useful impedimenta of the hall rack1 and if1 in addition1 a seat is desired1 a strip of dark leather with a light pad beneath it may be set on with brass nails across the middle of the lid4 ,cozy ,corners4 ,they are so easy to arrange4 ,have your carpenter make a double right-angle bench1 with a high1 straight back4 ,the seat must be two and a half feet wide1 and the top of the back five feet from the floor4 ,this now looks like an ungainly three-sided square1 or rather oblong1 for it is better to have one side somewhat longer than the others4 ,the wood should be stained cherry or oak1 to match the other furniture in the room1 and oiled and polished so as to be smooth and of rich appearance2 or1 use hard wood1 black walnut1 ebony1 mahogany4 ,the seat and inside back may be thickly and prettily upholstered1 and then piled high with pillows1 or1 the wood having been nicely finished1 the upholstery may cover the seat only4 ,be sure and have the seat made low1 otherwise the ,cozy ,corner will be uncomfortable1 its name will be belied1 and no one will hie to what might have been the favorite seat in the room4 ,now1 where shall we place the corner8 ,put it in the space next to the grate fire1 and since you have had this place in view1 the side to fit in there should be made the requisite number of feet and inches so as to actually fit4 ,placed in this part of the room1 two sides of the corner are against the wall1 but the third side presents a bare and uninviting appearance4 ,this may be avoided by suspending a silk or gauze hanging close to its side1 in the same way that the back of an upright piano is often screened4 ,the seats should be piled with sofa pillows1 and in the inclosure a few hassocks would not be found amiss4 ,the word cozy suggests warmth and pleasantry1 as well as comfort4 ,therefore1 this corner is always by the fire1 and those occupying it are presumably cheery and happy4 ,it is just the place to rest in1 just the place to read in1 just the place for you and your dearest friend to chat in1 just the place to play a game in1 as bags1 balls1 etc41 could easily be tossed from one seat to the other2 just the place to lay plans in1 for you are in no hurry to move1 and so your plans1 not being hurriedly completed1 would be more apt to prove satisfactory2 just the place to nap in1 just the place to frolic in4 ,indeed1 just the place to add to our already comfortable homes if we would have them one remove nearer the ideal home than they now are4 ,plenty of ,pillows4 ,all cosy corners and all couches are incomplete without numberless pillows of all sorts1 shapes and sizes4 ,a serviceable pillow1 and one that can be laundered1 is of blue denim1 with a band of ,irish point embroidery running around the four sides of the square with the edge toward the center4 ,a ruffle of denim with a narrow embroidered insertion to match the edge1 completes this sensible head-rest4 ,an ,indian silk pillow is always pretty1 and is pleasant next to the face when one is lying down4 ,an open-work scrim with rows of ribbon placed upon the plain stripes1 made over a contrasting color of silk1 with ruffle of sheer lace over the color of the pillow1 is effective and bright looking4 ,any one who is fond of an ,oriental effect can have it in the pillow by sewing silks and satins hit and miss1 as in making an old-time rag carpet1 then having it woven with black linen chain4 ,one who is expert with crochet needle can have a creation worthy of handing down for ages to come4 ,crochet a number of artistic wheels or medalions of knitting silk in a golden yellow shade2 join together1 making a square the size of the pillow desired4 ,place this lace cover over a contrasting shade of yellow1 finishing the edges with yellow silk pompons placed close together4 ,yellow cheese cloth perfectly plain on both sides1 with two ruffles of the same and a fullness of lace between1 makes a dainty and inexpensive pillow2 the under ruffle being six inches1 lace ruffle five inches1 and the top ruffle of cheese cloth three inches in width4 ,for the woman whose tastes run to the elegant1 a pillow of silk-faced velvet and satin ribbon is grateful4 ,a novel pillow is the clover pillow1 but to carry out the idea as originally designed one must await the coming of the season when clover is at its fullest and sweetest blossom4 ,then gather the large red clover heads4 ,take as many as would fill a large washtub1 sprinkle a pound of fine salt over them1 and stir them well1 about once a day1 until they are thoroughly dried1 without falling to pieces4 ,this is the filling for a pillow made of white linen duck1 embroidered with a straggling design of clover4 ,the convenient and ornamental floor pillow is especially adapted for the summer home1 the piazza1 the lawn or the lounging-room4 ,the frame1 which is made of good springs enclosed in a strong linen covering1 is on casters1 and can be readily moved from place to place4 ,covered with ,bagdad stripes1 tapestry1 or any artistic material1 it makes a ,christmas present that would please the most fastidious taste4 ,a ,corner ,closet4 ,lack of closet room in a house is a fruitful theme for complaint in these days of contracted space4 ,architects there are who are willing to sacrifice every consideration1 not excepting internal utility1 for picturesque outside effects4 ,in such cases recourse must be had to wardrobes1 but as these are expensive1 the busy fingers of the housewife must be depended upon to improvise substitutes4 ,if there is a corner in the room with sufficient space 7sometimes the architect denies us this small boon7 it may be utilized in the manner herewith described4 ,two strips of wood as long as you desire and four inches wide by one inch thick are screwed in the angle of the wall about six feet from the floor2 boards are cut off to fit in the corner and resting on these strips2 this will form the roof4 ,a brass or wooden rod is then run across the front of this board from wall to wall and from which the curtain is suspended by rings4 ,cretonne1 chintz or printed cotton1 will make a good list to choose from1 and are inexpensive4 ,one may screw upon the underside of the roof and on the cleats as many hooks as are required1 and1 if desired1 a shelf may be introduced about fifteen inches below the roof1 and on that attach the hooks4 ,such an emergency closet will often be found a great convenience1 and the cost will be trifling4 ,it will be well to stretch a piece of muslin or paper across the upper side of the roof to keep out the dust4 ,illustration3 ,,replica ,,of ,a ,,grecian ,,vase4 ,a home-made ,japanese cabinet may be readily made of the common materials found about the house1 such as boxes of hard or soft wood4 ,the smoother the boxes1 the better2 but they can be planed1 if they are not4 ,the shelves are so arranged as to accommodate the different sizes of ,japanese bric--brac4 ,the small cabinet in the upper left-hand corner is simply a smooth bit of the board1 finished with two ornamental hinges1 either brass or bronze4 ,the escutcheon is of the same4 ,the circular panel can be either of ,lincrusta1 bronzed1 or to make it a little more unique1 a circular hole can be cut in the door1 and a pretty blue ,japanese plate inserted1 held in place at the back1 and the door lined4 ,the supports are easily obtained by a visit to a factory where they have a turning lathe4 ,the ornamental finish at the bottom is of lightly carved wood1 if one can do these things1 or a strip can be purchased at a carpenter shop or wall paper store4 ,still another way out of the difficulty is to get just the length of ,lincrusta and tack it on neatly4 ,before the hinges and escutcheon are put on1 the staining should be done1 and the simplest way out of the difficulty is to purchase ,pik-,ron1 stain whatever color or wood you require1 then afterward give it a coat of varnish1 coach varnish giving a durable finish that is heavy and beautiful1 or the whole cabinet may be covered with the stamped ,japanese cotton goods in gilt and colors1 each shelf being covered before being put in place1 and the uprights gilded or stained4 ,still again1 if the work is of pine1 it may be stained a rich bronze1 and left with dead finish1 which is a very fair imitation of ,japanese woodwork4 ,piano ,decoration4 ,an upright piano should be placed with its back to the room4 ,this position is not only good from a decorative standpoint1 but a performer likes to be shielded by the instrument4 ,here are enumerated various graceful ways to cover the polished bareness of this musical instrument4 ,to hang a square of tapestry over the back from a brass rod is exceedingly striking4 ,if possible1 let the painted subject relate to music or sentiment1 and have it sufficiently large to cover the surface of the piano4 ,if the tapestry is very fine work its surface should be unspoiled by additions4 ,across the top of the piano lay a scarf of ,liberty silk1 or another painted panel4 ,the only bric--brac that combines with this drapery is a pair of candelabra1 the quainter in style the better4 ,algerian stripes1 ,bagdad tapestry or ,persian prints make good backgrounds4 ,their cost is #a4be a yard1 and width fifty inches4 ,with this as a foundation many schemes may be carried out4 ,bas-relief heads in plaster can be swung on it without injuring the wood of the piano4 ,medallions of ,beethoven1 ,mozart or ,wagner can be purchased for #a each4 ,a long panel of cherubs goes well1 or a line of ,delft or ,japanese plates4 ,a low settle has a comfortable resting place underneath this4 ,either a box seat upholstered in dark1 contrasting stuff1 or one of the #d4ej green wooden settles1 sold to artists1 would serve4 ,a number of cushions placed on the seat against the piano add to the coziness and grace of the decoration4 ,lighting4 ,rooms should be lighted from the sides1 if possible4 ,the great central chandeliers1 casting their downward shadows1 age every face in the room by emphasizing every line1 and bringing out every defect sharply4 ,decorating4 ,in decorating a room a harmony of the shades of one color should be used4 ,beware of spotty effects4 ,it should really1 according to ,edmond ,russell1 be conceived1 as a piece of music is1 in a certain key4 ,there should be sympathy and harmony4 ,even the pictures should be chosen with as much regard to their surroundings as to their individual merits4 ,another important item in the decoration of the home is considering the choice of ground tones with reference to the complexion of its hostess4 ,guests appear there but casually4 ,she is always there1 and no one should elect to occupy a room1 whose color tones either totally efface what little color one may possess1 or else1 by an exaggeration of natural ruddiness1 be made a rival of the setting sun4 ,the effect of color upon the appearance is so important that every change of color1 changes not only the color of the skin1 but that of the hair and eyes as well4 ,edmond ,russell once studied a room with reference to complexions1 mixing his paints to a relative hue with the general tone of complexions1 making it duller and grayer1 so that standing near it the skin looked clear and fresh beside it4 ,i made the tone1 he said1 a little greener and colder than flesh1 so that one looked lighter and warmer and was enriched by the contrast4 ,any who stood in front of that wall looked five or ten years younger than they were4 ,in using a flower1 or other design1 for a frieze or dado1 they should be conventionalized4 ,this term is used to signify the modification of a real object with its surroundings4 ,the more formal they are the better2 no attempt at shading or perspective is necessary1 and the square and compass should be used as much as possible in their designing4 ,in decorating a room1 a dark floor is the beginning1 and the walls grow lighter as the ceiling is approached4 ,the richest effects should be congregated at the mantel1 with the fire as its central object4 ,the ability to combine is a rare one4 ,ruskin writes truly that1 one rarely meets even an educated person who can select a good carpet1 a wall paper1 and a ceiling1 and have them in harmony4 ,there is too much of a temptation to adopt beautiful things simply because they are beautiful1 without pausing to consider the weightier matter of their eternal fitness1 or remembering that a thing intrinsically beautiful in itself may become hideous by inharmonious proximity or combination with another beautiful object4 ,home of the ,soul4 ,a mystic ,german writer calls a house1 properly ordered1 the home of the soul1 carrying out the idea that the house in which an orderly soul lives1 is only an expansion of the body built and adorned out of her passing experiences4 ,all sorts of delicate affinities establish themselves between her and the lights and shadows of her abode2 the particular picture on the wall2 the scent of flowers at a particular window until she seems incorporated into it4 ,in other words1 one's environments1 as one's dress1 must be in harmony with their individual type1 or a permanent discord will result2 for instance1 ,emma ,moffett ,tyng speaks of a pond-lily type of woman1 soft color1 gray blue eyes1 pale brown eyes1 appealing to her as to the effect of the gorgeous1 redecorated interior of her home1 with flames of color in hangings and rugs1 and her ,egyptian gown with its glow and glint of purple and gold4 ,all these things were artistic and beautiful1 and perfect in their relations to each other1 but in their relation to her nothing could have been worse4 ,the woman1 herself1 was eclipsed1 obliterated4 ,a ,cleopatra1 dark and flashing1 would make the picture complete4 ,but such a colorless woman needs repose in her surroundings2 the low tones of blue and gray1 the palest flush of the sunset heavens4 ,some ,lovely ,rooms4 ,edmond ,russell has treated two rooms exquisitely4 ,a gold and ivory parlor1 tinted1 walls and ceiling in a grayish white with a greenish tinge1 and this is mottled with gold flecked lightly over the surface4 ,the broad frieze is adorned in free1 simple style with leaves and blossoms of magnolia4 ,everything in this room should be light and delicate in color4 ,the soft gold and ivory would be nullified by heavy walnut window casings2 red and green carpet1 red or blue plush furnishings1 or vivid hangings would ruin the effect4 ,pictures in such a room should be preferably water-colors with pale gray mats1 and gold or white frames4 ,oil paintings are only permissible when dreamy and vaporous in tint4 ,light1 delicate colors in upholstery1 creamy madras for curtains4 ,the carpet may be a little darker1 verging on some of the delicate1 woody browns4 ,any bric--brac should be in pale shades of yellow or rose4 ,the tender lights of this room seem to clear and soften the complexion of the occupants4 ,another is a dining-room of copper1 bronze and terra cotta shades4 ,a pale tint of copper to the background overlaid with dashes of bronze and strong copper color4 ,the frieze is a succession of pine boughs1 lightly fringed with their needles4 ,above the sideboard is a panel representing magnolia blossoms1 and their heavy polished leaves1 with brown in stem and shadows4 ,the effect of this color scheme is to give a suggestion of warmth and cheer4 ,the gold and copper used in flecking the wall are merely the two shades of the common bronze powder4 ,illustration3 ,,rich ,,pieces ,,of ,,furniture4 ,still another nest of a sleeping-room comes to mind1 a creation of ,moscheles4 ,floor covered with white bearskin rugs1 furnished with a delicate tint of robin's-egg blue4 ,toilet table strewn with every imaginable luxury in old ivory and silver4 ,panels in the wardrobe and doors filled with paintings by ,burne-,jones1 classic figures given the preference4 ,these rooms are given as examples of harmony of coloring4 ,great expense is not always necessary to secure this artistic harmony4 ,money goes a long way1 but good taste and ingenuity will go just as far1 with a minimum of expenditure4 ,there is a little room1 a symphony in green and gold1 created by one girl's taste1 a pale seafoam green that is delightful to the eye4 ,the woodwork1 banded with a narrow strip of gilt1 is of this color1 and the enterprising young woman painted it all with her own hands4 ,the curtains at the three windows are of the freshest and purest white muslin1 prettily ruffled4 ,they are the kind that always look as if they had just been laundered and they are tied back with pale green ribbons that make them look the more exquisitely neat4 ,the floor is covered with plain matting1 which particularly recommended itself1 by the way1 because it was inexpensive4 ,as to ,furniture4 ,every article of furniture in the room is of the prevailing green and there are no off shades1 for they were all painted from the same can of paint4 ,the bedstead was nothing but common pine1 made to order at the factory1 and it is of a quaint design that originated in the same fertile brain that is responsible for all the rest of the perfect appointments4 ,the headboard is in the shape of a shield and there is painted thereon a spray of wild roses to bring to the sleeper over whom they bend sweet dreams of perpetual summer time4 ,and the white counterpane and snowy pillows in the setting of green and gold make it a most inviting place of repose4 ,the chairs were resurrected from the dbris in the family attic4 ,there are two heavy old-fashioned ones of curly maple1 and they are cushioned with a brocaded green and gold material that exactly match the green of the furniture4 ,then there is a comfortable little rocking chair cushioned with the same material and painted in green with many stripes of gold4 ,but it is the dressing table that is the most charming of all the unique devices that make the room attractive4 ,it was a battered old washstand at first1 but now it is a work of art4 ,it is painted1 of course1 in green and gilt1 and there is a spray of wild roses on the front4 ,above it is a green and gilt framed mirror with a spray of the favorite wild roses again overhanging the top part4 ,over mirror and washstand and all is draped a canopy of white muslin4 ,among the other articles that find place on the table is a little fairy lamp with a shade of green tissue paper that gives the softest light imaginable4 ,a comfortable green window seat in the corner is well supplied with pillows covered in green and gold brocade1 and up and around the window there clambers an old ,english ivy4 ,there is an oddly fashioned bookcase in another corner4 ,you would never guess it1 of course1 but it was constructed out of two dry goods boxes4 ,it is painted green inside and out and fitted up with four shelves4 ,a green silk curtain hangs from a brass rod1 and about the edge of the bookcase is a gilt cornice4 ,the top is covered with bric--brac4 ,for pictures there is an etching or two on the wall in green and gold frames1 and you have a room the very sight of which is cool and refreshing1 and which cost its owner some time and some planning1 but very little money4 ,pictures4 ,be careful of the pictures and their relations to the walls4 ,rooms should rather be a setting for a beautiful moving picture of the shifting groups of people in it4 ,too much gilding1 too many gaudy oil paintings attract the eye and distract the mind4 ,there is a simple picture in my room1 red curtains1 a white-robed child kneeling1 that is all1 but everything in it harmonizes1 and it harmonizes with the furnishings of the room1 and my eye is often drawn toward it4 ,one authority objects to portraits as a decoration4 ,their presence1 if at all impressive1 is too stimulating4 ,picture frames should never be so gorgeous as to distract the mind from the picture4 ,frames are to protect the picture and relate it to the walls4 ,group etchings together and put engravings in the portfolio4 ,over low bookcases pictures should be large1 and in this form they give a style to the room4 ,water colors look admirable if treated in this manner1 and if two bookcases are put together so as to form one1 divide the pictures by a bracket1 on which place a jar of some unique pattern4 ,illustration3 ,,selecting ,,paintings ,,for ,,home ,,decoration4 ,small rooms require medium-size pictures1 which can be hung one above the other1 and three may even be placed on line with good effect4 ,for an ideal head in oil the frame should be of broad gilt4 ,hang it in a good light1 and on one side group two small water-color pieces in the fashionable white band frame4 ,for an oblong picture a small sketch under it looks well equipped4 ,a very large and beautiful picture sometimes sets the keynote of color for the apartment4 ,otherwise1 subordinate them as decorations to the colorings of the room1 as in the ivory and gold room4 ,in a room where there are to be many pictures1 give rather a neutral color to the walls1 merely as a picture background4 ,where there are finely decorated walls pictures are rather out of place1 since one decoration spoils the effect of the other4 ,mottoes4 ,the motto1 whose revival is noted in the above title1 is the expression in architecture of some sentiment suitable to the place to which it is applied4 ,it is more frequently and more noticeably in domestic architecture than elsewhere that the motto is found4 ,scarcely a country house of sufficient size to boast a hall and fireplace but announces in script or text a welcome to all guests or some appreciation of the comforts of its four walls4 ,the favorite place for this motto is over the fireplace1 either above or below the mantel shelf1 and of all the old ones1 ,east or west1 home is best1 with its variety of expressions1 is the favorite4 ,a man's house is his castle4 ,home is the resort ,of love1 of joy1 of peace4 ,a man's best things are nearest him2 ,our house is ever at your service2 ,you are very welcome2 ,take the goods the gods provide thee--any one of these will as appropriately welcome the stranger as the friend4 ,over the mantel of one's private room the restful motto1 ,duty done is the soul's fireside1 may find appropriate place4 ,how to be ,beautiful4 ,illustration ,to begin at the beginning3 to insure a good complexion strict attention must be paid to the diet4 ,wholesome1 well-cooked food must be eaten2 regular exercise in the open air is another point1 and the body must be bathed three hundred and sixty-five times a year4 ,it may be considered almost supererogatory to remark that not any amount of cerates1 washes or powders will cover or obliterate blotches1 pimples and blackheads caused by unwholesome food or uncleanly habits4 ,we may not be able to afford elegantly-appointed bath-rooms1 but we all can indulge in a daily bath4 ,a quick and simple method for the busy housekeeper1 which need only occupy a few moments1 is as follows3 buy a yard of coarse ,turkish toweling1 and make of it two mittens4 ,have a bowl of warm water1 in which dissolve some borax4 ,this is soothing to tired nerves1 besides rendering the skin soft and white4 ,when ready1 slip on one of the mittens1 wet it thoroughly1 rub well with soap1 and quickly wash the body all over4 ,all the impurities of the body are now on this mitten4 ,lay it to one side4 ,put on the other mitten1 and wash the body again4 ,the mittens may be washed and hung to dry1 ready for the next bath4 ,rub the skin briskly with a rough towel until it glows4 ,if this treatment is followed daily1 with a tub-bath weekly1 you will not complain of those tired1 nervous headaches1 your face will lose its sallowness1 and your walk will gain in sprightliness4 ,here let us say1 for the benefit of those who are obliged to live in rented houses1 or who have no facilities for a bath-room1 that a folding bathtub is now offered4 ,it folds up somewhat after the manner of a folding bed4 ,when closed it looks like a cabinet1 and is nicely finished in oak4 ,in connection with it is a tank and heating apparatus4 ,the water may be heated with gas1 kerosene or gasoline4 ,lemon juice1 diluted1 is a famous whitener for the skin1 as are all vegetable acids1 such as tomato1 cucumber and watermelon4 ,oftentimes something is needed to heal as well as whiten4 ,for this1 take two tablespoonfuls of oatmeal and cook it with enough water to form a thin gruel1 strain1 and when cool add to two tablespoonfuls of the gruel one tablespoonful of lemon juice4 ,wash the face with this at night1 allowing it to dry on the skin4 ,this is excellent for a shiny face4 ,another very soothing preparation to use at night is made of one ounce of glycerine1 half an ounce of rosemary 7fluid71 and twenty drops of carbolic acid4 ,this is excellent for any irritation of the skin1 and also for prickly heat4 ,the face must always be well washed with water and pure soap before applying any of these preparations4 ,if the skin is oily1 bathe with diluted camphor 7a teaspoonful to a pint of water71 but it is injurious to a naturally dry skin4 ,treatment for a ,rough ,skin4 ,a wash for a rough face is two ounces of water1 one ounce of glycerine1 one ounce of alcohol1 and half an ounce of gum of benzoin1 to be dissolved in the alcohol first4 ,apply at night4 ,for wrinkles--do we see some of you looking interested8--take some clippings of sheep's wool and steep in hot alcohol4 ,it is said that the grease thus obtained is identical with an element found in the human bile4 ,i know that if rubbed on the skin it not only removes but prevents wrinkles1 making the skin soft and pliable4 ,these remedies all have the merit of being harmless1 which cannot be said of all cosmetics4 ,let us give one more recipe1 and that is for brightening the eyes4 ,when you are tired and warm1 and your eyes are dull1 take a cloth and wring it out of very hot water1 as hot as you can bear it4 ,lie down for ten minutes with this cloth spread over your burning face and tired eyes4 ,you will be surprised to see how the tired lines will fade out and how the eyes will shine1 and when your dearest comes home he will pay you a compliment which will more than reward you4 ,reducing ,flesh4 ,the real mode of life and diet should be changed if the fat would be reduced4 ,if necessary1 procure a pair of scales and weigh the different foods that are taken into the system4 ,reduce the diet then to about four ounces of starch or sugar material per day1 one and a half ounces of fat1 taken chiefly in the form of butter1 and about six or seven ounces of albuminous food1 such as lean meat or fish4 ,this is the minimum that should be resorted to1 and the patient can take more of each at first and reduce the diet gradually to this point4 ,the proportion of the different food compounds1 however1 with the exception of figs1 dates1 grapes and nuts1 should also be eaten daily1 and one-third of a pound of some of the following vegetables3 asparagus1 turnips1 cucumbers1 parsley1 watercress1 celery1 kale or cabbage4 ,fluids have a fattening tendency1 and they must be taken in small quantities4 ,the drinking should be confined to tea1 coffee or water1 and never should be taken at mealtime1 nor within one hour of a meal4 ,this is peremptory1 for food will produce fat much quicker and surer when watered by some good beverage4 ,refreshing ,sleep4 ,what is the correct method to pursue in preparing for a trip into dreamland1 for there is a right as well as a wrong way8 ,the business of disrobing should be so systematized that attending to all the little niceties included in the process will become1 after a while1 second nature4 ,there is something more to be done1 let us assure you1 in addition to putting your hair up in curl-papers and dabbing a bit of cold cream on your face1 if you would wake up in the morning looking as fresh as a rose4 ,in the first place1 do not put off these important preparations until you are so heavy-lidded that you are ready to give everything belonging to the toilet the go by4 ,and now for the first step4 ,early in the evening your sleeping apartments should be thoroughly aired by dropping the window from the top and raising it at the bottom4 ,the current of fresh air is especially important when the room has been1 as so many sleeping apartments are1 in constant use all day4 ,ten minutes will be quite sufficient for toning up the atmosphere4 ,now close the window and allow the room to become thoroughly warmed1 that you may not experience a chill while taking a rub down4 ,prepare a big bowl of tepid water1 into which you sprinkle a small quantity of ammonia or borax4 ,take a ,turkish towel1 which is much better than a sponge1 wring it out as dry as possible1 and1 grasping a corner in each hand1 give the spine a vigorous rubbing4 ,have at hand another ,turkish towel1 and as you bathe the body in sections1 dry as quickly as possible4 ,from the points of your rosy toes to the curve of your soft throat you are a blushing model of the charming effects of the bath4 ,when finished1 slip over your head a soft little shirt1 high neck and short sleeves 7a white silk or lisle thread is the best71 the rosy skin beneath giving it the appearance of being lined with pink silk4 ,then comes the nightrobe1 and next the pajama or lounging robe1 which may be of anything1 from flannel to eider down4 ,tuck your feet into a pair of bedroom slippers1 and you are ready to attend to minor details4 ,never think of retiring in any article of clothing which you have worn during the day4 ,such a barbarous custom has nothing whatever in common with health and refinement4 ,neither is it well to discard everything but your nightgown1 for it is exceedingly dangerous to chill the system by night draughts4 ,how to ,take ,care of the ,eyes4 ,avoid sudden changes from darkness to brilliant light4 ,avoid the use of stimulants and drugs which affect the nervous system4 ,avoid reading when lying down or when mentally and physically exhausted4 ,when the eyes feel tired rest them by looking at objects at a long distance4 ,pay special attention to the hygiene of the body1 for that which tends to promote the general health acts beneficially upon the eye4 ,do not depend on your own judgment in selecting spectacles4 ,old persons should avoid reading much by artificial light1 be guarded as to diet and avoid sitting up late at night4 ,after fifty1 bathe the eyes morning and evening with water so hot that you wonder how you stand it2 follow this with cold water that will make them glow with warmth4 ,do not give up in despair when you are informed that a cataract is developing2 remember that in these days of advanced surgery it can be removed with little or no danger to vision4 ,never read in bed or when lying upon the sofa4 ,sit with your back to the light as much as possible4 ,attend to your digestion4 ,do not work longer than two hours without closing your eyes and resting them for five minutes4 ,if your eyes are weak1 bathe them in water to which a little salt and a little brandy have been added4 ,the ,hair and ,how to ,take ,care of ,it4 ,if the hair has that soft1 glossy look that tells of regular care1 and if it is well kept1 with every pin in its place1 you may rely upon it that its owner possesses the instinct of ladyhood4 ,each hair has tiny prongs or tentacles1 something like those on the cockle bur1 which catch the dust2 hence the especial need of brushing4 ,at a lady's school in ,england1 some twenty years ago1 the girls were required to brush their hair for fifteen minutes daily in the long dressing-room1 and they were timed at this exactly as if it were any other exercise4 ,occasionally the hair and the scalp need washing1 as the face1 though less often if the brushing be carefully attended to4 ,when1 however1 it begins to seem dirty1 give it a good shampooing4 ,wash both hair and scalp thoroughly in a washbowl of warm water in which has been dissolved a tablespoonful of powdered borax2 then rinse it well in clear warm water2 you will be surprised sometimes at the complexion of the water4 ,many women dread the shampooing because of their liability to take cold in the process4 ,let such a person choose a room where the air is warm and dry4 ,after wiping the hair thoroughly dry with towels1 and pinning a fresh one around the neck and shoulders1 let her get some one to come and make a breeze with a large palm-leaf fan upon her hair while she is engaged in carefully disentangling it with a brush and comb1 occasionally giving the scalp a little vigorous rubbing if it begins to feel chilly4 ,the fanning greatly hastens the drying process4 ,another plan is to lie down with the hair spread out on cushions in the sunshine4 ,be sure to get it thoroughly dry before putting it up4 ,an ,excellent ,head ,covering4 ,a very pleasant step1 though not a necessary one1 next to take is to have a little thin silk mob-cap 7of some pretty shade of silk1 so that it is becoming rather than disfiguring1 if needful1 to wear about the home71 lined1 and thickly wadded with cotton-batting1 well powdered with heliotrope or some other delicate sachet powder 7these come in ten or fifteen-cent packages71 and wear this from one to three hours4 ,here1 again1 those thousands of minute tentacles come into play2 they catch and retain 7one would almost think they close over them7 the atoms of the perfume when they are thus freed from dust1 and when the hair is soft and light in its new cleanness--and it is astonishing for how long a time the hair will retain that faint1 delicate aroma which is so truly lovely in a woman's hair2 and all to be obtained in so simple and innocent a way as with this little mob-cap1 put on at the right time4 ,a good rule for ensuring the regular brushing of the hair1 which may be taught to children 7and perhaps good for busy women also71 is to brush the hair with fifty long strokes both at morning and at night4 ,much also depends upon the brush4 ,let it not be stiff enough to hurt the scalp4 ,choose a brush of medium stiffness1 with bristles long and close together1 and nowhere will it pay better1 in the long run1 to give a good price for a good article than in a woman's hairbrush which she proposes to use as described above4 ,do not use a fine-tooth comb4 ,frequent washing will remove the dandruff in all cases1 and without the injury caused to the scalp by the fine comb4 ,it is also well to clip the ends of the hair regularly once a month1 keeping it smooth and even1 besides1 as is thought by some stimulating the growth and keeping it in a more healthy condition4 ,perseverance in this treatment will give the hair a fine natural gloss1 and a healthy tone4 ,it will tend to prevent its falling out1 and will also help to preserve its natural color much longer than if it were neglected4 ,show me a woman1 said a wise matron the other day1 though she be in the busiest farmer's kitchen in ,america1 who may always be found with her hair neatly and carefully arranged and with a fresh linen collar1 and ,i will show you a lady in mind and manners4 ,those two points always settle the rest in my opinion6 ,recipe for the ,complexion4 ,a mixture for preserving the complexion1 easily made at home1 is as follows3 take a wineglassful of the best ,french orange flower water4 ,add a tiny pinch of carbonate of soda and two teaspoonfuls of glycerine4 ,melt a piece of camphor the size of a pea and three teaspoonfuls of cologne water and add to the orange flower water4 ,shake the whole for five minutes4 ,apply to the face every night4 ,care of the ,lips4 ,the ,cupid's bow in dainty curves has always been symbolical of a perfect mouth1 and lips most kissable have never been represented as other than pink and perfect4 ,no other portion of the face1 however1 so quickly responds to symptoms of ill-health in the body as do the lips4 ,fever blisters are the disfiguring reminders of a cold2 dry1 broken or bloodless lips show that one is out of sorts1 even more certainly than heavy eye or dejected mien1 and it is a woman's duty to endeavor to restore them to their soft1 rich redness1 which is the outward and visible sign of good health4 ,to do this the general system must be toned up1 diet regulated1 and a regular house-cleaning gone into2 but there are certain defects of the lips that can be overcome without all this trouble1 because they arise from a woman's own fault4 ,many of us1 from nervousness1 or habit1 have a way of biting our lips which will surely result in swelling1 bruise or dryness that is both uncomfortable and unpleasant to look at4 ,therefore1 the first step is to break off so pernicious a practice by watching one's self very carefully4 ,next1 anoint the poor1 bruised members with some healing salve of a pure make4 ,do not1 however1 think to cure chapped lips by anointing them after being out in the air4 ,the time for treatment is before the mischief is done1 putting on a little cold cream every time you start out for a walk1 which you will find highly beneficial and will keep your lips in winter just as sweet and rosy as when the milder zephyrs of summer rule the air4 ,remedies for the ,lips4 ,a writer whose knowledge of such subjects is beyond question says that glycerine and rose water should never be used to soften the lips1 as this remedy has one great drawback1 namely1 that it induces the growth of superfluous hair1 a warning which all women will gladly heed1 for no one desires to pose as a bearded lady4 ,when cold sores appear rub them with cold cream1 being careful not to break them1 and they will soon disappear4 ,the reason that they usually cling so long is1 that they are tampered with by rubbing or biting1 and therefore cannot have a chance to heal properly1 as they would if left alone4 ,the same writer who warns us against glycerine and rose water is a strong advocate of hot water1 and affirms that there is scarcely any ailment that will not succumb to its healing virtues4 ,therefore1 with cold cream and hot water one should be able to present to the world a pair of rosy lips free from any unsightly blemishes4 ,smoothing ,out the ,wrinkles4 ,wrinkles are1 of course1 the special detestation of every woman1 and when they begin to make their appearance1 one of the most perplexing questions is as to how they can be removed1 or at least the evil hour of their coming be put off for a time4 ,there has recently been a good deal of nonsense printed in various channels as to this subject1 and one of the most cherished fads is that the steaming of the face will remove them4 ,this is one of those half-truths which are simply deceit and disappointment4 ,wrinkles appear because the fine muscles of the face lose their tone1 the tissue shrinks1 and the skin fits itself to the depressions which are thus left4 ,it is a mistake to suppose that wrinkles can be wholly eradicated1 especially those which are due to advancing years4 ,let us grow old gracefully and accept the inevitable with the best grace possible4 ,a cheerful disposition will do wonders toward lighting up the face and making one's friends forget or overlook entirely the signs of advancing years4 ,but wrinkles frequently come on prematurely1 and prove extremely vexatious4 ,it is unquestionably true that a proper1 thorough and careful course of face massage will do a good deal to help things1 where the skin has become dull and lifeless1 as will especially happen in cases of general decline or ill health4 ,from two to four times during each twenty-four hours the face should be gently but systematically rubbed1 the best method being to employ a fine towel or a bit of red flannel4 ,the finger ends answer very well1 but it is quite difficult to use them without weariness4 ,it will be noticed after a few days that the skin is gaining in tone and vigor1 when the degree of vigor employed may properly be increased4 ,bad air is one of the most potent causes of wrinkles and the remedy1 of course1 is the getting of good air4 ,excellence of the highest degree may not be attainable2 if not1 let us get the best we can4 ,with good air should come good living and plenty of nutritious food1 especially that which has fat-producing qualities4 ,massage of the face is well recommended1 using a light1 gentle1 circular motion of the fingers1 while much may be done by cultivating flexibility and voluntary motions of the muscles of the face1 especially those affecting the wrinkled portions4 ,and it may not be amiss1 though it be a delicate matter1 to suggest that an overworked1 thankless1 hopeless life will inevitably wrinkle the fairest face with furrows that no agency this side of the grave can remove1 till the cause shall have been lifted4 ,the ,feminine ,waist4 ,we have already had occasion to discuss the question of small waists and the abuse of proportions that tight-lacing frequently entails4 ,we have only to consider now the caprices of fashion with regard to length4 ,sometimes this fickle goddess sends our waists up under our arms1 and then a reaction sets in1 and they lengthen gradually till the points and basques of our bodices reach very nearly to our knees4 ,of the two extremes1 the more sanitary1 as well as the more artistic1 is the former1 but these considerations have little effect on the arrangements of fashion4 ,the weight of clothing should hang as little as possible from the waist4 ,many women believe that it is better that it should come from the hips than from the shoulders1 but the testimony of all medical men is clear and indisputable on this subject4 ,nor is it upon hygienic grounds alone that this is objectionable4 ,this weight from the hips destroys all freedom of movement1 just as the tight corset deprives the body of all the suppleness and flexibility given it by nature4 ,the belt is1 on a perfect figure1 an interruption to harmonious lines that could well be dispensed with4 ,on an imperfect figure it is excusable1 when associated with a form of bodice that seems to require to be confined1 such as the loosely plaited or gathered bodice sometimes worn4 ,over a tight bodice the belt has no reason for being1 and is absurdly out of place4 ,for this and also sanitary reasons we feel inclined to condemn it4 ,beautiful ,arms4 ,beautiful arms are a powerful weapon in the armory of beauty2 but though most women appreciate to the full the charm of this possession1 the fact remains that in ,america undeveloped arms are the rule1 and rounded1 dimpled symmetry the exception4 ,lately1 however1 the gymnasium is producing charming arms4 ,exercise is essential to the development of the arms3 exercise1 that is1 of the arms themselves4 ,gymnastic exercises that bring the muscles of these into play should be1 as far as possible1 encouraged in girls1 as tending not only to their improvement in this particular1 but as being beneficial to the general health4 ,arms disproportionately large as compared to the rest of the frame are1 on the other hand1 at least equally disagreeable with those we have been discussing4 ,very large arms carry with them a suggestion of coarseness that is unpleasant as associated with a woman4 ,it is1 as we have said before1 impossible to give the exact proportions which one portion of the human frame should bear to the rest4 ,the ideal arm1 however1 should gradually decrease in size from the shoulder to the wrist1 the outlines being marked by those inward curves which are also noticeable in well-formed shoulders4 ,the wrist should be slender without being thin1 the bone at the outer side being well covered and indicated rather by dimples than otherwise4 ,there is an old rule for measurement that approaches accuracy in some degree4 ,we give it for what it may be worth1 advising our readers not to pin their faith to it too implicitly4 ,twice round the thumb1 once round the wrist2 twice round the wrist1 once round the neck2 twice round the neck1 once round the waist4 ,the roundest arms in the world fail to be beautiful if they are red4 ,there are beautiful white arms1 brown arms1 copper-colored arms1 and even black arms1 but beautiful red arms are not4 ,this fault is seldom to be found with the arms of ladies1 which are so constantly kept covered as to be protected from the influences of weather4 ,it is characteristic of a cook1 a dairymaid1 a housemaid1 a field-hand1 to have red arms1 and it is probably from this association that they have fallen into such extreme disrepute4 ,the use of violet-powder may be condoned when it modifies the contrast between red arms and white evening dresses4 ,the application being only temporary1 it can only very slightly affect the well-being of the pores1 but it should be very carefully used1 or it will come off on the coat sleeves of the partners of the red-armed one4 ,when the arms are very thin the sleeves should not be too tight1 though1 as a rule1 thin arms do not look at all badly in tight sleeves4 ,when the arms are too long1 their apparent length may be diminished by crossway trimmings on the sleeve4 ,when1 on the contrary1 the arms are disproportionately short1 a lengthwise trimming will remedy the defect4 ,the sleeve of to-day is a blessing in disguise for ladies with thin arms4 ,the leg-of-mutton 7gigot7 sleeve was invented to conceal defects in the arm1 and to make the waist appear small by contrast with the size of the sleeves4 ,puffs at the shoulder give grace and delicacy to the neck and head4 ,the pagoda sleeves1 copied from the ,chinese1 being wide and open1 cause the hands to appear smaller by contrast with the aperture from which they emerge2 but when the sleeve is exaggeratedly large and wide1 the effect of the contrast is lost1 the sleeve losing itself in1 and mingling with1 the rest of the draperies4 ,the epaulette worn some years ago is useful as giving width to narrow shoulders4 ,the ,louis ,,xv41 or sabot sleeve1 tight to the elbow1 and ending in a frill of lace1 is perhaps the most becoming of all sleeves to a really pretty arm1 while the sleeve open to the shoulder is the most trying to a defective outline4 ,treatment for the ,hands4 ,the hands of growing girls are often red and clumsy1 and girls who are beginning to take thought of their appearance are sometimes in despair about them1 not being aware that they will grow whiter and whiter with every year4 ,the ideal hand is white1 certainly1 but not dead white4 ,it should have a dash of healthy flesh-tints4 ,the tips of the fingers and the portions that surround the palm should be tinged with pink4 ,the fingers should taper towards the nails1 the most approved shape for which is the filbert1 so called from its resemblance to the oval form of the nut of that name1 and the similarity of the direction of the lines of the nail to those on the wood of the nut4 ,scissors and ,nail-brush4 ,the appearance of white spots on the nails is caused by knocks or blows4 ,to obviate the appearance of such spots the hands must be taken care of and the nails disturbed as little as possible4 ,when the nails become stained or discolored1 a little lemon juice is the best agent to employ as a corrective4 ,it is equally valuable in discoloration of the skin4 ,the care of the nails1 should be strictly limited to the use of the knife or scissors to their free border1 and of the ivory presser to their base1 to prevent the adhesion of the free margin of the scarf-skin to the surface of the nail and its forward growth upon it4 ,the edge of scarf-skin should never be pared1 nor surface of the nail ever scraped1 nor should the nails be cleaned with any instrument whatever except the nail-brush4 ,there is no rule for the management of the nail of greater importance than that which prescribes the pressing back of the edge of the scarf-skin which forms the boundary of the base of the nail4 ,this margin is naturally adherent to the surface of the nail1 and has a tendency to grow forward with it and become ragged and attenuated4 ,when allowed to do so1 the ragged edge is apt to split up into shreds1 and these projecting from the surface1 are pulled and torn1 and often occasion a laceration of the skin and a painful wound4 ,the occurrence of these little shreds1 denominated agnails1 may be effectually prevented by the regular use of the presser once or twice a week4 ,it must be used with gentleness4 ,the following is said to be an excellent preparation for making the hands white2 and as it cannot possibly injure them1 we give it a place here4 ,take as much scraped horseradish as will fill a tablespoon2 pour on it half-a-pint of hot milk4 ,use it before washing1 allowing it to dry on the hands before applying the water4 ,redness and chapping are sometimes caused by the hands being imperfectly dried4 ,the greatest care should be taken in drying them1 more especially in cold weather1 and when the hands are exposed to cold winds4 ,if the hands become rough from any cause1 the following may be applied with good effect3 ,half fill a basin with fine sand and soap-suds1 as hot as can be borne4 ,brush and rub the hands thoroughly with hot sand4 ,the best is flint sand1 or the powered quartz sold for filters4 ,it may be used repeatedly by pouring the water away and adding fresh4 ,rinse the hands in a warm lather of fine soap1 then clean cold water4 ,while they are still wet1 put into the palm of each hand a very small piece of almond cream and rub it all over them4 ,this1 again1 forms a strong lather4 ,after drying the hands1 rub them in dry bran or powdered starch till every atom of moisture is absorbed1 and finish by dusting off the bran or starch4 ,this will make the hands very soft and smooth4 ,to ,cure ,burning of the ,skin4 ,occasionally the hands and face become red and flushed while the feet are cold4 ,this very uncomfortable state of things may be effectually remedied by bathing the feet in hot water with a tablespoonful of ,kretol in it4 ,this will frequently be found an immediate cure for headache1 but must not be attempted just before going out in cold or damp weather4 ,a simple remedy is to wash the face and hands in very warm water1 as hot as can be borne4 ,this will frequently dispel the burning sensation and induce a cooler condition of the skin4 ,a slice of raw potato rubbed well into them will remove stains from the fingers and hands4 ,lemon juice is also effective in this way1 and1 if not used immoderately1 may be applied without fear of evil consequences4 ,for chapped hands and lips the following will be found efficacious3 ,equal quantities of white wax 7wax candle7 and sweet oil2 dissolve in these a small piece of camphor2 put it in a jam crock1 and place it upon the hob till melted4 ,it must be kept closely covered4 ,it should be applied to the hands after washing1 and previous to drying them4 ,a few drops of glycerine poured into the palms of the hands after washing1 and rubbed all over them before drying with a towel1 is perhaps the best and simplest remedy for chapping2 but if good soap is always used1 and the hands well dried and protected by warm gloves against the cold1 the chapping will be prevented1 which is preferable to the very best cures4 ,remedy for ,chilblains4 ,chilblains may be cured very speedily by rubbing into them morning and evening as much spirits of turpentine as they will absorb4 ,this must not be applied to broken chilblains1 but if taken in time it will prevent their breaking4 ,the water in which potatoes have been boiled is an excellent remedy for chilblains on feet or hands4 ,these members should be put into the water while it is as hot as can be borne4 ,the same specific applies equally to what are called whitlows1 or felons a gathering in the region of the finger-nail that is extremely painful1 and to which some are constitutionally liable4 ,when the feet are large1 the owners should never be tempted into wearing any but the very plainest boots and shoes4 ,ornamentation of any kind makes the foot look larger4 ,even a pretty foot looks its best in a perfectly plain satin slipper1 with only a small rosette with buckle on the toe4 ,this rosette must not1 however1 be permitted to the large foot4 ,it may1 certainly1 be worn on the place intended for the instep1 when that ornamental rise in the outline of the foot is totally absent4 ,lines of white stitching on the boot make it look larger than it really is4 ,the best boot for a large foot is one in which the toe-cap comes well up on the foot4 ,its lines are thus broken up1 and the apparent length diminished4 ,a pretty foot1 on the contrary1 looks better in a boot that has no toe-cap1 the upper of which is made all in one4 ,this displays to advantage the beautiful outline of the foot1 and the gentle but decided curve of the instep4 ,the possessors of large feet should be particularly careful to have their boots perfectly cleaned and very glossy4 ,the feet look much smaller when this is the case than when the boot has a rim of mud around the sole and a shadow of dust upon the uppers4 ,where the instep is defective or totally absent1 a pretence at one may be made by blacking that portion of the sole of the foot that is immediately adjacent to the heel4 ,this causes a kind of optical illusion which is favorable to the flat-footed4 ,patent leather is a most objectionable material for wearing upon the feet4 ,through it ventilation is absolutely impossible4 ,so much for the sanitary part of the subject2 and as to convenience1 this is as much in the shade as sanitation1 for patent leather draws the feet much more than any other kind4 ,of late1 ladies and children have begun to borrow this material from gentlemen1 but as much smaller shoes can be worn with comfort in any other kind of leather1 it is not likely to become universally popular4 ,large feet should never be clad in satin4 ,foot-,wear4 ,the fit of the stocking is almost as essential to the perfection of the foot as that of the boot or the shoe itself4 ,it should be large enough to allow freedom to the toes1 and not so large as to wrinkle on the foot4 ,in a well-fitting stocking the foot can be more accurately measured than otherwise1 and the comfort of the foot is sadly impeded by an ill-fitting one4 ,the feet should be bathed every morning1 and for those who walk much1 a daily change of stockings is advisable4 ,this daily change is more than advisable1 it is necessary1 for persons who suffer from perspiring feet4 ,regular washing of the feet preserves their strength and elasticity1 and helps to keep them in shape4 ,at least once a week they should be washed in hot water1 with plenty of soap1 rubbing them with a ball of sandstone1 which will be found a very useful article for toilet purposes1 also a tablespoonful of ,kretol in the water4 ,the nails should then be carefully pared1 and1 in drying the feet1 much friction should be used in order to stimulate the skin to healthy action4 ,when corns appear1 they may be accepted with resignation as lifelong acquaintances4 ,seldom1 indeed1 do they quit the victim1 who has invited them by ill-advised pinchings and squeezings4 ,all that one can do is to keep them under control by constant care4 ,the treatment recommended is the same as that used for warts--viz41 to pare the hard and dry skin from the tops1 and then touch them with the smallest drop of acetic acid1 taking care that the acid does not run off the wart upon the neighboring skin1 which would occasion inflammation and much pain4 ,this should be done once or twice a day with regularity4 ,we should1 no doubt1 easily get rid of all our corns if we could make up our minds to do without shoes1 or even to wear them of such a large size as would prevent all pressure upon the corn4 ,this disagreeable effect results quite as often from badly made boots as from injudiciously tight ones4 ,there is a particular knack to be observed in paring a corn4 ,it should be cut in such a manner as to excavate the center1 while the hardened sides are left to protect the more sensitive portion against the pressure of the boot4 ,when the corn is small and yet young1 the best application is a piece of soft buff-leather spread with adhesive plaster and pierced in the center with a hole of exactly the size of the summit of the corn4 ,there are two varieties of corn1 the hard and the soft4 ,the latter occurs between the toes1 and is quite as painful as1 and less easily guarded against1 than the hard variety4