,by ,bruce ,bairnsfather ,bullets and ,billets ,fragments from ,france ,a ,few ,fragments from ,his ,life ,,fragments ,,from ,,france ,,by ,,captain ,,bruce ,,bairnsfather ,,author ,,of ,,bullets ,,and ,,billets ,illustration ,g4 ,p4 ,,putnam',s ,,sons ,,new ,,york ,,and ,,london ,the ,knickerbocker ,press #aiag ,,foreword ,by the ,editor of ,the ,bystander4 ,illustration3 ,w,,hen ,tommy went out to the great war1 he went smiling1 and singing the latest ditty of the halls4 ,the enemy scowled4 ,war1 said his professors of kultur and his hymnsters of hate1 could never be waged in the ,tipperary spirit1 and the nation that sent to the front soldiers who sang and laughed must be the very decadent ,england they had all along denounced as unworthy of world-power4 ,i fear the enemy will be even more infuriated when he turns over the pages of this book4 ,in it the spirit of the ,british citizen soldier1 who1 hating war as he hated hell1 flocked to the colours to have his whack at the apostles of blood and iron1 is translated to cold and permanent print4 ,here is the great war reduced to grim and gruesome absurdity4 ,it is not fun poked by a mere looker-on1 it is the fun felt in the war by one who has been through it4 ,illustration3 ,,captain ,,bruce ,,bairnsfather4 ,captain ,bruce ,bairnsfather has stayed at that farm which is portrayed in the double page of the book2 he has endured that shell-swept 'ole that is depicted on the cover2 he has watched the disappearance of that blinkin' parapet shown on one page2 has had his hair cut under fire as shown on another4 ,and having been through it all1 he has just put down what he has seen and heard and felt and smelt and--laughed at4 ,captain ,bairnsfather went to the front in no mood of a chiel takin' notes4 ,it was the notes that took him4 ,before the war1 some time a regular soldier1 some time an engineer1 he had little other idea than to sketch for mischief1 on walls and shirt cuffs1 and tablecloths4 ,without the war he might never have put pencil to paper for publication4 ,but the war insisted4 ,it is not for his mere editor to forecast his vogue in posterity4 ,naturally ,i hope it will be a lasting one1 but ,i am prejudiced4 ,let me1 however1 quote a letter which reached ,captain ,bairnsfather from somewhere in ,france3 ,twenty years after peace has been declared there will be no more potent stimulus to the recollections of an old soldier than your admirable sketches of trench life4 ,may ,i1 with all deference1 congratulate you on your humour1 your fidelity1 your something-else not easily defined--,i mean your power of expressing in black and white a condition of mind4 ,i hope that this forecast is a true one4 ,if this sketch book is worthy to outlast the days of the war1 and to be kept for remembrance on the shelves of those who have lived through it1 it will have done its bit4 ,for will it not be a standing reminder of the ingloriousness of war1 its preposterous absurdity1 and of its futility as a means of settling the affairs of nations8 ,when the ardent ,jingo of the day after to-morrow rattles the sabre1 let there be somewhere handy a copy of ,fragments from ,france that can be opened in front of him1 at any page1 just to remind him of what war is really like as it is fought in civilised times4 ,captain ,bairnsfather has become a household word--or perhaps one should say a trench-hold word4 ,who is ever the worse for a laugh8 ,certainly not the soldier in trench or dug-out or shell-swept billet4 ,rather may it be said that the ,bairnsfather laughter has acted in thousands of cases as an antidote to the bane of depression4 ,it is the good fortune of the ,british ,army to possess such an antidote1 and the ill-fortune of the other belligerents that they do not possess its equivalent4 ,illustration3 ,,captain ,,bruce ,,bairnsfather ,this picture was taken at the ,front1 less than a quarter of a mile from the ,german trenches4 ,captain ,bairnsfather has come straight off the mud1 and is wearing a fur coat1 a ,balaclava helmet1 and gum boots4 ,immediately behind him is a hole made by a ,jack ,johnson shell4 ,a ,scots officer1 writing in the ,edinburgh ,evening ,news1 hits the true sentiment towards ,bairnsfather of the ,army in ,france when he writes3 ,to us out here the ',fragments' are the very quintessence of life4 ,we sit moping over a smoky charcoal fire in a dug-out4 ,suddenly someone1 more wide-awake than others remembers the ',fragments4' ,out it comes1 and we laugh uproariously over each picture4 ,for are these not the very things we are witnessing every day1 incidents full of tragic humour8 ,the fed-up spirit you see on the faces of ,bairnsfather's pictures is a sham--a mask beneath which there lies something that is essentially ,british4 ,illustration ,in a communication received by ,captain ,bairnsfather an eminent ,member of ,parliament writes3 ,you are rising to be a factor in the situation1 just as ,gillray was a factor in the ,napoleonic wars4 ,the difference is1 however1 that instead of turning his satire exclusively upon the enemy1 as did ,gillray1 ,captain ,bairnsfather turns his--good-humouredly always--on his fellow-warriors4 ,this habit of ours of making fun of ourselves has come by now to be fairly well understood by even the most sensitive and serious-minded of our continental friends and neighbours4 ,it hardly needs nowadays to be pointed out that it is a fixed condition of the national life that wherever ,britons are working together in any common object1 whether in school1 college1 profession1 or even warfare1 they must never appear to be regarding their occupation too seriously4 ,those who know us--and who1 nowadays1 has the excuse for not knowing us1 seeing how very much we have been discussed8--understand that our frivolity is apparent and not real4 ,because we have the gift of laughter1 we are no less appreciative of grim realities than are our scowling enemies1 and nobody knows that better in these days than those scowling enemies themselves4 ,their hymns of hate and prayers for punishment have been impotent expressions of exasperation at our coolness1 deliberation1 and inflexible determination--qualities they had deluded themselves before the war into believing would prove all a sham before the first blast of frightfulness4 ,they told themselves that1 a war once actually begun1 the imperturbable pipe-smoking ,john ,bull would be transformed into a cowering craven4 ,more complete confusion of this false belief is nowhere to be found than in these ,fragments4 ,it ranks as a colossal ,german defeat that successive bloodthirsty assaults upon us by land1 sea1 and air should produce a ,bairnsfather1 depicting the contemptible little ,army1 swollen out of all recognition1 settling humorously down to war as though it were the normal business of life4 ,fed up8 ,yes1 that is the word by which to describe1 if you like1 the prevalent ,bairnsfather expression of countenance4 ,but the kind of weariness he depicts is the reverse of the kind that implies give up4 ,au contraire1 mes amis6 ,the fed-up ,bairnsfather man is a fixture4 ,j'y suis1 he might exclaim1 if he spoke ,french1 et il m'embte que j'y suis4 ,je voudrais que je n'y sois pas4 ,mais j'y suis1 et1 mes bons camarades1 par tous les dieux1 j'y reste6 ,if the enemy should read in the words fed up a sign that our tenacity is giving out1 he reads it wrong2 grim will be the disillusionment of any hopes he may build upon his misreading1 and even grimmer the anger of those whom he may have deluded4 ,these verdammte ,englnder are never what they seem1 but are always something unpleasantly different4 ,we are the ,great ,enigma of the war1 and in our mystery lies our greatest strength4 ,let us be careful not to lose it4 ,those who would have us simplify ourselves upon the continental model1 and present to the world a picture of sombre seriousness1 are asking us to change our national character4 ,cromwell asked the painter to paint him1 warts and all4 ,bairnsfather sketches us--smiles and all4 ,and who would take the smiles off the dials of the figures you will see on the pages that follow8 ,illustration3 ,where to ,live--,,advt4 ,,in ,,one ,,of ,,the ,,choicest ,,localities ,,of ,,northern ,,france4 ,,to ,,be ,,let 7three minutes from ,german trenches71 this attractive and ,,well-,,built ,,dug-,,out1 containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and ,,up-,,to-,,date ,,funk ,,hole 7#d;ft4 by #f;ft471 all modern inconveniences1 including gas and water4 ,this desirable ,residence stands one foot above water level1 commanding an excellent view of the enemy trenches4 ,,excellent ,,shooting 7,,snipe ,,and ,,duck74 --,particulars of the late ,tenant1 ,room #f1 ,base ,hospital1 ,bonlog c4 ,illustration3 ,where did that one go to8 ,illustration3 ,what is this slimy dismal hole ,where oft ,i'm lurking like a mole ,and cursing ,germans heart and soul8 ,my ,dug-,out ,where is it that beneath the floor ,the water's rising more and more ,and where the roof's a broken door8 ,my ,dug-,out ,where is it that ,i try to sleep ,betwixt alarms1 when up ,i leap ,and dash through water four feet deep8 ,my ,dug-,out ,where is it that ,i'll catch a chill ,and lose my only quinine pill ,and probably remain until---- ,i'm dug out8 ,my ,dug-,out ,my ,dug-,out3 ,a lay of the trenches4 ,illustration3 ,that ,evening ,star-shell4 ,oh1 star of eve1 whose tender beam ,falls on my spirit's troubled dream4 --,wolfram's ,aria in ,tannhuser4 ,illustration3 ,they've evidently seen me4 ,illustration3 ,situation ,shortly ,vacant4 ,in an old-fashioned house in ,france an opening will shortly occur for a young man1 with good prospects of getting a rise4 ,illustration3 ,the ,tactless ,teuton4 ,a member of the ,gravediggers' ,corps joking with a private in the ,orphans' ,battalion1 prior to a frontal attack4 ,illustration3 ,well1 if you knows of a better 'ole1 go to it4 ,illustration3 ,will you be---- mine6 ,a ,proposal in ,flanders4 ,the point of ,jean's pitchfork awakens a sense of duty in a mine that shirked4 ,illustration3 ,no ,possible ,doubt ,whatever4 ,sentry3 ',alt6 ,who goes there8 ,he of the ,bundle3 ,you shut yer ---- mouth1 or ,i'll ---- come and knock yer ---- head off6 ,sentry3 ,pass1 friend6 ,illustration3 ,gott strafe this barbed wire4 ,illustration3 ,so ,obvious4 ,the ,young and ,talkative ,one3 ,who made that 'ole8 ,the ,fed-up ,one3 ,mice4 ,illustration3 ,the ,fatalist4 ,i'm sure they'll 'ear this damn thing squeakin'4 ,illustration3 ,a ,maxim ,maxim4 ,fire should be withheld till a favourable target presents itself4 ,illustration3 ,our ,adaptable ,armies4 ,private ,jones 7late ,zogitoff1 the comedy wire artist7 appreciably reduces the quantity of hate per yard of frontage4 ,illustration3 ,a4,d4 ,nineteen ,fifty4 ,i see the ,war ,babies' ,battalion is a coming out4 ,illustration3 ,frustrated ,ingenuity4 ,owing to dawn breaking sooner than he anticipated1 that inventive fellow1 ,private ,jones1 has a trying time with his latest creation1 ,the ,little ,plugstreet1 the sniper's friend4 ,illustration3 ,keeping ,his ,hand ,in4 ,private ,smith1 the company bomber1 formerly ,shinio1 the popular juggler1 frequently causes considerable anxiety to his platoon4 ,illustration3 ---- ---- these ---- ---- rations4 ,illustration3 ,dear ---- ,at present we are staying at a farm444 ,illustration3 ,the ,eternal ,question4 ,when the 'ell is it goin' to be strawberry8 ,illustration3 ,directing the ,way at the ,front4 ,yer knows the dead 'orse 'cross the road8 ,well1 keep straight on till yer comes to a p'rambulator 'longside a ,johnson 'ole4 ,illustration3 ,the ,late ,comer4 ,where 'ave you been8 ',avin' your bloomin' fortune told8 ,illustration3 ,the ,innocent ,abroad4 ,out since ,mons3 ,well1 what sort of a night 'ave yer 'ad8 ,novice 7but persistent optimist73 ,oh1 alright4 ',ad to get out and rest a bit now and again4 ,illustration3 ,there goes our blinkin' parapet again4 ,illustration3 ,we shall attack at ,dawn ,never mind about that now1 drink this4 ,the ,push--in ,three ,chapters4 ,by one who's been ,pushed4 ,illustration3 ,the ,spirit of our ,troops is ,excellent4 ,illustration3 ,the ,things that ,matter4 ,scene3 ,loos1 during the ,september offensive4 ,colonel ,fitz-,shrapnel receives the following message from ,g4 ,h4 ,q43--,please let us know1 as soon as possible1 the number of tins of raspberry jam issued to you last ,friday4 ,illustration3 ,the ,soldier's ,dream4 ,a ,bitter disappointment on waking4 ,illustration3 ,the ,thirst for ,reprisals4 ',and me a rifle1 someone4 ,i'll give these ----s 'ell for this6 ,illustration3 ,the ,ideal and the ,real4 ,what we should like to see at our billets--and 7inset7 what we do see4 ,illustration3 ,watch me make a fire-bucket of 'is 'elmet4 ,illustration3 ,that #af-;inch ,sensation4 ,illustration3 ,that ,sword4 ,how he thought he was going to use it---- ,illustration3 ----and how he did use it4 ,illustration3 ,what ,it ,really ,feels ,like4 ,to be on patrol duty at night-time4 ,illustration3 ,the same old moon4 ,illustration3 ,my dream for years to come4 ,illustration3 ,coiffure in the ,trenches4 ,keep yer 'ead still1 or ,i'll 'ave yer blinkin' ear off4 ,illustration3 ,another ,maxim ,maxim4 ,machine guns form a valuable support for infantry4 ,illustration3 ,our ,democratic ,army4 ,member of ,navvies' ,battalion 7to ,colonel73 ,i say1 yer mate's dropped 'is cane4 ,illustration3 ,five days leave6 ,taxi6 ,illustration3 ,never ,again6 ,in future ,i snipe from the ground4 ,illustration3 ,thoroughness4 ,what time shall ,i call you in the morning1 sir8 7,colonel ,chutney1 ,v4,c41 home on short leave1 decides to keep in touch with dug-out life47 ,illustration3 ,that ,hat4 ,pop out and get it1 ,bert4 ,pop out yerself4 ,illustration3 ,springtime in ,flanders4 ,personally1 ,i think this is just what you want for laying your eggs in1 but1 as ,bairnsfather says1 ',if you knows of a better 'ole1 go to it4' ,illustration3 ,the ,dud ,shell--,or the ,fuse-,top ,collector4 ,give it a good 'ard 'un1 ,bert2 you can generally 'ear 'em fizzing a bit first if they are a-goin' to explode4 ,illustration3 ,what's all this about unmarried men8 ,illustration3 ,the ,historical ,touch4 ,well1 ,alfred1 'ow are the cakes8 ,illustration3 ,his ,initiation4 ,no4 #iiihh ,private ,blobs 7on sentry-go7 feels that he has at last stumbled across the true explanation of that somewhat cryptic expression1 ,there'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night6 ,illustration3 ,when ,one ,would ,like to ,start an ,offensive on ,one's ,own4 ,,recipe ,,for ,,feeling ,,like ,,this--,bully1 biscuits1 no coke1 and leave just cancelled4 ,illustration3 ,trouble ,with ,one of the ,souvenirs4 ',old these a minute while ,i takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial4 ,illustration3 ,the ,conscientious ,exhilarator4 ,every encouragement should be given for singing and whistling4--7,extract from a ,military ,manual47 ,that painstaking fellow1 ,lieut4 ,orpheus1 does his best1 but finds it uphill work at times4 ,illustration3 ,its only a tumble down nest ,but-- ,the ,nest4 ',ere1 when you're finished1 ,i'll borrow that there top note of yours to clean the knives with4 ,illustration3 ,those ,superstitions4 ,private ,sandy ,mc,nab cheers the assembly by pointing out 7with the aid of his pocket almanac7 that it is ,friday the #acth and that their number is one too many4 ,illustration3 ,the ,professional ,touch4 ,chuck us out that bag o' bombs1 mate2 it's under your 'ead4 ,illustration3 ,happy ,memories of the ,zoo4 ,what ,time do they ,feed the ,sea-,lions1 ,alf8 ,illustration3 ,observation4 ',ave a squint through these 'ere1 ,bill2 you can see one of the ----'s eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'4 ,illustration3 ,immediate and ,important6 ,never has ,private ,smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands his ,captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable moment3 ,the ,g4,o4,c4 notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to shave the upper lip4 ,this practice must cease forthwith4 ,illustration3 ,sir ,plantagenet ,smythe1 at the battle of ,,vin ,,ordinaire ,on6 ,on6 ye ,noble ,english6 #bnd ,lieut4 ,p4 ,smith1 at the taking of dead-pig farm ,come on you chaps6 ,we'll show these ----s ,which side their ---- bread's buttered6 ,other ,times1 ,other ,manners4 ,the ,decline of ,poetry and ,romance in ,war4 ,illustration3 ,his ,dual ,obsession4 ,owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream1 ,herr ,fritz von ,lagershifter has decided to take his friends' advice3 ,give up sausage late at night and brood less upon the possible size of the ,british ,army next spring4 ,illustration3 ,the ,communication ,trench4 ,,problem--,whether to walk along the top and risk it1 or do another mile of this4 ,illustration3 ,letting ,himself ,down4 ,having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent1 ,herr ,franz von ,flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a failure4 ,illustration3 ,old ,saws and ,new ,meanings----,by ,bairnsfather4 ,there is certainly a lot of truth in that ,napoleonic maxim1 ,an army moves on its stomach4 ,illustration3 ,nobbled4 ',ow long are you up for1 ,bill8 ,seven years4 ,yer lucky ----1 ,i'm duration4 ,illustration3 ,the ,intelligence ,department4 ,is this 'ere the ,warwicks8 ,nao4 ',indenburg's blinkin' ,light ,infantry4 ,illustration3 ,valuable ,fragment from ,flanders3 ,it ,all ,comes to ,this in ,time4 ,this interesting fragment1 found near ,ypres 7known to the ancients as ,wipers71 throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science1 i4e41 what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in the ground stretching from ,ostend to ,belfort8 ,there is no doubt that there was some inter-tribal war on at this period4--,extract from ,the ,bystander1 ,a4,d4 #diaf4 ,illustration3 ,in ,nineteen ,something3 ,general ,sir ,ian ,jelloid at ,home4 ,having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near ,verdun1 the ,general has now let his country seat1 ,shrapnel ,park1 and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper1 and not a bit draughty1 if you keep the breech closed4 ,illustration3 ,in and ,out 7,i74 ,that last half-hour before going in to the same trenches for the #bjjth time4 ,illustration3 ,in and ,out 7,,ii74 ,that first half-hour after coming out of those same trenches4 ,illustration3 ,,the #a,,st ,,blobshire ,,rifles ,,expert ,,gas ,,bomb ,,manipulators ,,trenches ,,taken ,,at ,,shortest ,,notice ,,counter ,,attacks ,,quoted ,,for ,,our ,,speciality3 ,,holding ,,mine ,,craters ,,for #bd ,,hours ,,telegraphic ,,address ,,plumapple ,,plugstreet ,pushfulness at ,plug ,street4 ,colonel ,ian ,jelloid1 of the ,blobshire ,rifles1 being an energetic and businesslike man1 believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant warfare4 ,illustration3 ,his ,secret ,sorrow4 ,i reckon this bloke must 'ave caught 'is face against some of them forts at ,verdun6 ,illustration3 ,are you there8 ,only just ,s4,o4,s4 ,the ,hard ,lines of ,communication4 ,illustration3 ,the ,new ,submarine ,danger4 ,they'll be torpedoin' us if we stick 'ere much longer1 ,bill4 ,illustration3 ,this interesting view for #f months 444 or ,this for half an hour ,war6 --,as it is for most of us4 ,illustration3 ,a ,matter of ,moment4 ,what was that1 ,bill8 ,trench mortar4 ,ours or theirs8 ,illustration3 ,the ,saint4 ,that indiscriminating orb1 the moon1 gives ,private ,scattergood a saintly appearance1 sadly out of keeping with his thoughts4 ,he's filling #ajj sandbags at #aa p4m4 ,illustration3 ,those ,tubular ,trenches4 ,is this right for 'eadquarters8 ,yes1 change at ,oxford ,circus4 ,illustration3 ,of course1 personally ,i dont think there is anyone there ,nor do ,i ,thinking it over subsequently in ,boulogne1--an impression of overcrowding predominates in recollections of straighthing that bit of the line4 ,we ,look ,before----,and ,after4 ,illustration3 ,con ,moto ,perpetuo4 ,,our ,,bert 7going on leave--having asked a question1 and having listened to three minutes' unintelligible eloquence73 ,and 'ow does the chorus go8 ,illustration3 ,real ,sympathy4 ,i wish you'd get something for that ---- cough of yours4 ,that's the second time you've blown the blinkin' candle out6 ,illustration3 ,entanglements4 ,come on1 ,bert1 it's safer in the trenches4 ,illustration3 ,how long have you got ,fred8 ,,leave4 ,illustration3 ,there are times when ,private ,lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it's going to be a ,war of ,exhaustion4 ,illustration3 ,chat on ',change4 ,you owes me two francs and ,i owes you one that's got into the lining of me coat2 that makes it right1 don't it8 ,illustration3 ,general ,sir ,frampton ,prendergasp ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,p4,t4,o4 ,,sos a rising and successful general1 who is plotting an offensive ,the ,general 4 4 4 ,cyrus ,moffat ,nancy ,prendergasp1 his daughter1 who has gone in for nursing1 unknown to her father4 ,she is in love with ---- ,featuring ,miss ,sybil ,fane ,,dick ,,manvers a lance ,corporal in the pay department1 who1 after extensive painful researches1 has invented a new bomb ,,dick ,steven ,fairbrother ,dick shows his new bomb to the ,general who decides to use it in the offensive ,but is overheard and seen by ,captain ,,adrian ,,black an unscrupulous adventurer in the pay of a powerful ,government ,that night he is seen by ,nancy substituting ,,plum ,,apple for ,the new explosive ,,end ,,of ,,part ,i ,,part ,,ii ,,will ,,follow ,,immediately ,flanders ,film ,mfg ,co--,milwaukee1 ,wisconsin4 ,u4,s4,a4 ,illustration3 ,the ,offensive begins4 ,the new bomb is found to be equally explosive in spite of ,captain ,black's dark deed ,nancy1 who fears disaster1 steals her ,father's private ,howitzer and races to the ,offensive ,black throws every obstacle in her way ,dont you know me ,dick8 ,the ,general1 who has been doing a bit on his own1 becomes the unwilling witness of a touching scene ,the ,general having heard their story1 orders the arrest of ,captain ,black ,how ,dick ,manvers ,got ,his ,star4 ,every familiar feature of the ,film is happily caricatured by ,captain ,bairnsfather in his amusing page of pictures4 ,the hero1 the heroine 7with smile71 the villain1 the heavy father1 all of the most approved pattern--everything down to the meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of the ,american film in matters of detail1 is shown with the good-natured sarcasm befitting a master of satire as well as of humour1 while the story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm4 ,illustration3 ,the ,whip ,hand4 ,private ,mulligatawny 7the ,australian ,stock-whip wonder7 frequently causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches4 ,illustration3 ,christmas ,day3 ,how it dawned for many4 ,illustration3 ,under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands4 ,illustration3 ,veni #aiad ,vidi #aiae ,vici6 #aiaf ,augusts ,three4 ,to each year its type4 ,illustration3 ,overheard in an ,orchard4 ,said the ,apple to the ,plum3 ,well1 anyway1 old man1 they can never ask us what we did in the great war6 ,illustration3 ,,learn ,to ,,fight ,anyone with a taste for ,fishing1 or ,moth ,collecting can learn to fight4 ,anyone can put a hook in a worm1 or a pin in a moth4 ,,we ,,develop ,,that ,,instinct1 and by our ,postal ,course of ,instruction1 will help you to earn big money by fighting ,subjects ,taught3-- ,bayonet work1 bombing1 asphyxiation4 ,this sketch shows the work of a former pupil4 ,try this exercise yourself on a friend1 and tell us the result4 ,we will at once tell you your chances of success4 ,a lieutenant writes3-- ,unfortunately ,i had not got as far as your chapter on ,upper ,cuts or ,i feel sure ,i should not be where ,i am now yrs truly ,clearing ,station ,gezain,court4 ,bruce ,bairnsfather ,the demand for fighters exceeds the supply ,write today ,the ,asphyxobomb ,school of ,instruction ,advt ,hooge4 ,tips for ,tommies4 ,now that the war has become a world business1 we must at any moment expect the appearance of this sort of thing in our papers4 ,illustration3 ,whilst the preliminary bombardment is on1 one gets the idea that this is what's happening to the enemy machine guns4 ,yet somehow or other1 when one starts for that #bbj yards handicap across the turnip field1 it feels something like this4 ,bruce ,bairnsfather ,the ,offensive4 ,what it looks like--and what it feels like4 ,illustration3 ,the ,imminent1 ,deadly ,breach4 ,mind you don't fall through the seat of yer trousers1 ',arry6 ,illustration3 ,two minds with but a single thought1 two hearts that beat as one4 ,telepathy4 ,two minds with but a single thought4 ,illustration3 ,trouville-sur-,somme4 ,tell 'er to 'op it1 ,bert4 ,i'm sittin' on a bit o' shell or somethin'4 ,illustration3 ,omar the ,optimist4 ,here with a loaf of bread beneath the row1 ,a muttered curse1 but ne'er a whine1 and thou-- ,beside me1 singing in the wilderness1 ,the wilderness is ,paradise enow4 ,illustration3 ,where do yer want this put1 ,sargint8 ,illustration3 ,coming to the ,point4 ,let's 'ave this pin of yours a minute4 ,i'll soon 'ave these winkles out of 'ere4 ,illustration3 ,a ,castle in the ,air4 ,a few more1 ,bert1 and that there chteau won't be worth livin' in4 ,illustration3 ,the ,freedom of the ,seas4 ,i wish they'd 'old this war in ,england--don't you1 ,bill8 7,no answer47 ,illustration3 ,in ,dixie-,land4 ,well1 ,friday--'ow's ,crusoe8 ,illustration3 ,alas6 ,poor ,herr ,von ,yorick6 ,fricourt--,july1 #aiaf4 ,illustration3 ,those ,signals4 ,,the ,,vigilant ,,one3 ,i say1 old chap1 what does two green lights and one red one mean8 ,,recumbent ,,gladiator 7just back from leave73 ,two crmes de menthe and a cherry brandy6 ,illustration3 ,his ,christmas ,goose4 ,you wait till ,i comes off dooty6 ,illustration3 ,urgent4 ,quick1 afore this comes down6 ,illustration3 ,that tin hat feels something like this on the way to the ,offensive ,and about like this when you get there ,my ,hat6 ,helmets1 ,shrapnel1 ,one4 ,illustration3 ,the ,candid ,friend4 ,well1 yer know1 ,i like the photo of you in your gas mask best4 ,illustration3 ,the ,long and the ,short of ,it4 ,,up ,,last ,,draft3 ,i suppose you 'as to be careful 'ow you looks over the parapet about 'ere4 ,,out ,,since ,,mons3 ,you needn't worry1 me lad2 the rats are going to be your only trouble4 ,illustration3 ,old ,moore at the ,front4 ,as far as ,i can make out from this 'ere prophecy-book1 ,bill1 the seventh year is going to be the worst1 and after that every fourteenth6 ,illustration3 ,supra-,normal4 ,captain ,mills-,bomme's temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his recent daring exploits described as ,on our right there is nothing to report4 7,he and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of ,german trenches1 and held them through a storm of heavy ,lyddite for forty-eight hours47 ,illustration3 'old these ---- biscuits a minute while ,i 'as a go at this ---- stuff ,where the ---- 'ell are ye comin to6 ---- your ---- eyes you can ---- well carry these ---- things yerself yer ---- well wants elephants for this job ,tactical ,developments4 ,private #iiih ,blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound of ration parties 7and thus drawing fire7 an excellent idea1 but simply hates his evening for working it4 ,illustration3 ,bang ,bang ,crash ,bang ,crash ,that ,out ,wiring ,sensation4 ,illustration3 ,natural ,history of the ,war ,the ,flanders ,sea ,lion 7,leo ,maritimus74 ,an almost extinct amphibian1 first discovered in ,flanders during the ,winter of #aiad-ae4 ,feeds almost exclusively on ,plum and ,apple ,jam and ,rum4 ,only savage when the latter is knocked off4 ,illustration3 ,things that ,irritate4 ,private ,wm4 ,jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down the mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first verse of ,don't go down the mine1 ,daddy4 ,illustration3 ,still ,keeping ,his ,hand ,in4 ,private ,smith 7late ,shinio1 the popular juggler7 appreciably lowers the protective value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his celebrated plate and basin spinning act4 ,illustration3 ,those ---- ,mouth-,organs4 ,keep away from the 'ive1 ,bert2 'e's goin' to sting yer6 ,illustration3 ,garcong6 the bill1 tres vite6 ,that ,provost-,marshal ,feeling4 ,a sensation only to be had at a ,base--in other words1 a base sensation4 ,illustration3 ,blighty6 ,illustration3 ,those ,raiders at the ,seat of ,war4 ,i wish the 'ell you'd put a cork on that blinkin' pin of yours1 ,bert6 ,illustration3 ,romance1 #aiag4 ,darling1 every potato that ,i have is yours 7engaged74 ,illustration3 ,modern ,topography4 ,well1 you see1 here's the church and there's the post-office4 ,illustration3 ,there ,was a ,young ,man of ,cologne4 7,i've forgotten the rest of the poem1 but it's something about a bomb and ,if only he'd known47 ,illustration3 ,in the ,support ,trench4 ,old ,bill has practically decided to get ,private ,shinio 7the ex-comedy-juggler and hand-balancer7 transferred to another platoon4 ,illustration3 ,it's the ,little ,things that ,worry4 ,what is so particularly annoying to ,private ,lovebird is1 that he would not have had this bother with his dug-out if his leave had not been postponed4 ,illustration3 ,that ,periscope ,sensation4 ,i wonder if ,i oughtn't to tell the captain about that thing sticking up in the sea over there4 ,illustration3 ,at the ,brewery ,baths4 ,you chuck another sardine at me1 my lad1 and you'll hear from my solicitors4 ,illustration3 ,a ,miner ,success4 ,they must 'ave 'ad some good news or somethin'1 ,alf2 you can 'ear 'em cheerin' quite plain4 ,illustration3 ,birds of ,ill ,omen4 ,there's evidently goin' to be an offensive around 'ere1 ,bert4 ,illustration3 ,if ,only ,they'd ,make ,old ,bill ,president of ,those ,tribunals4 ,well1 what's your job1 me lad8 ,making spots for rocking-horses1 sir4 ,three months4 ,exemption1 sir8 ,nao1 exemption be ----d6 ,three months' hard6 ,illustration3 ,stars is funny things aint they ,bill ,yes--funny6 ,the ,stargazers4 --and their return to earth4 ,illustration3 ,down at the ,ration ,dump4 ,call me a ,tank again1 my lad1 and ,i'll knock yer ---- 'ead off6 ,illustration3 ,the ,glorious ,fifth4 ',ere1 ,guy ,fawkes--buzz off6 ,illustration3 ,yes1 you are1 one pound nineteen and elevenpence overdrawn1 and that includes next month's pay ,cox's4 ,when one feels rather in favour of floating a ,war ,loan of one's own4 ,illustration3 ,this ,muddy ,war4 ,these 'ere staff cars do splash a lot1 don't they1 ,bill8 7,no answer47 ,illustration3 ,unappetising4 ,moments when the ,savoy1 the ,alhambra1 and the ,piccadilly ,grill seem very far away 7the offensive starts in half an hour74 ,illustration3 ,fred's got leave6 ,that ,leave ,train ,second lieutenant ,enoch ,arden arrives on leave ,fred6 ,the train was a bit late darling ,that ,leave ,train4 ,illustration3 ,one often hears the question3-- ,what could ,napoleon have done in the ,great ,war8 ,he could certainly not have gone in for this ,it would have to be this1 or nothing ,other ,times----,other ,manners4 ,illustration3 ,the ,tourists1 #ai448 ,remember this place1 ,bert8 ,yes1 it's where we used to chuck the fish to you1 ain't it1 ,bill8 ,illustration3 ,alas6 ,my poor ,brother6 7,in this cartoon ,captain ,bairnsfather refers to the report that the corpses of ,german soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a ,corpse-,conversion ,factory for the purpose of providing fats for the ,fatherland47 ,illustration3 ,can-,tank-erous4 ',ere6 ,where the 'ell are ye comin' with that ,turkish bath o' yours8 ,illustration3 ,curfew4 ,what particularly annoys ,lieutenant ,jones1 ,r4,f4,a4 7who thought he could get a better view from the belfry71 is that irritating prediction which keeps passing through his head1 ,the curfew shall not ring to-night4 ,illustration3 ,,taisez ,,vous6 ,m,,fiez ,,vous ,,les ,,oreilles ,,ensemble ,,vous ,,coutent ,on the ,leave ,train4 ,you will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our ,french ,ally until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those leave trains--six a side1 windows shut1 fifty miles to go1 and eighteen hours to do it6 ,illustration3 ,getting the ,local ,colour4 ,in that rare and elusive period known as ,leave it is necessary to reconstruct the ,atmosphere of the front as far as possible in order to produce the weekly ,fragment4 ,illustration3 ,the ,ghost of ,dead ,pig ,farm--#ai448 ,at midnight1 an indignant1 husky voice is heard to say3 ,b---- these blinkin' sandbags4 ,illustration3 ,george versus ,germany4 ,should ,mr4 ,robey be at any time called upon to go to the ,front1 he must be careful how he does this3 ,i'm surprised at you1 ,ludendorff6 ,illustration3 ,a ,puzzle for ,paderewski4 ,it's a pity ,alf ain't 'ere1 ,bert2 'e can play the piana wonderful4 ,illustration3 ,substitutes in the ,field4 ,i thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella4 ,illustration3 ,leave4 ,dep43 ,paddington #b4ae4 ,arr4 ,home #d4 ,illustration3 ,,rolls-,,daimler1 #aiag4--;,four-seated ,coup body 7trs coup74 ,hardly been used1 beautifully finished 7almost completely74 ,one dickey seat 7very dickey71 detachable rims 7two already detached74 ,only driven #aj miles 7,albert to ,gommecourt74 ,excellent shock absorber 7has absorbed any amount74 ,in exceptional condition4 #fej 7or good bath chair74 ,,bargain4--,captain ,somepush1 ,no4 #b1 ,red ,cross1 ,rouen4 ,illustration3 ,merely a ,warning4 ,you dirty dog ,to those who may be contemplating picking up a ,government car cheaply after the war4 ,insist on seeing photograph4 ,don't be satisfied by just reading the advertisements4 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's notes3 ,with the three noted exceptions1 punctuation anomalies were retained to match the original drawings4 ,the exceptions are in the books printed explanations1 not in any cartoon4 ,page #e1 period added to illustration caption 7,jack ,johnson shell47 ,page #aab1 single opening quote changed to double4 7,you wait till ,i7 ,page #abe1 period added to title of picture to match rest of format 7,that ,provost-,marshal ,feeling47 ,pages #ic and #ih were halves of the same comic4 ,they were reattached to aid readability4 ,the original text can be found in the html version4