,the ,complete ,bachelor ,manners for ,men ,by the ,author of the ,as ,seen by ,him ,papers ,with ,index ,illustration3 ,publisher's logo ,new ,york ,d4 ,appleton and ,company #ahif ,,copyright1 #ahif1 ,,by ,d4 ,,appleton ,,and ,,company4 ,,preface4 ,i suppose a book of this character needs some excuse4 ,the world is full of volumes written on etiquette1 and1 in adding another to the number1 my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous4 ,but ,i have an excellent reason1 and that is1 that in all treatises of this character ,i have found the bachelor sadly neglected4 ,for many years1 while conducting the query or agony department in ,vogue1 ,i received letters from all parts of the ,united ,states asking for information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals4 ,my correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the ,new ,york standpoint4 ,all this ,i have endeavored to do in this volume4 ,i have devoted a chapter to sports4 ,in this ,i have made no attempt to give the rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated4 ,i have simply jotted down some points which ,i hope may be of use to the outsider4 ,in the chapter on dancing ,i have taken the ,patriarchs' ,ball in ,new ,york as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character4 ,i have also written about cotillons as they are conducted in ,new ,york4 ,i have endeavored to be plain and lucid4 ,i only desired that this book should be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import1 and if ,i shall have proved of assistance1 ,i shall feel that my mission has been accomplished1 and that ,i have reached the goal of my ambition4 ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,,page ,i4 ,,the ,,bachelor ,,in ,,public #a ,,ii4 ,,how ,a ,,bachelor ,,should ,,dress #aj ,,iii4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,toilet #ag ,,iv4 ,,the ,,care ,,of ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,clothes #bd ,v4 ,,introductions1 ,,invitations1 ,,and ,,calls #da ,,vi4 ,,cards #di ,,vii4 ,,the ,,diner-,,out #ed ,,viii4 ,a ,,code ,,of ,,table ,,manners #fb ,,ix4 ,,the ,,city ,,bachelor ,,as ,,host #gd ,x4 ,,the ,,country ,,house #he ,,xi4 ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,servants #id ,,xii4 ,,the ,,dance #ajb ,,xiii4 ,,the ,,cotillon #aab ,,xiv4 ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,letters #aai ,,xv4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,club #abf ,,xvi4 ,,the ,,sporting ,,bachelor #acf ,,xvii4 ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,travels ,,at ,,home ,,and ,,abroad #afj ,,xviii4 ,,the ,,engaged ,,bachelor #afi ,,xix4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,wedding #agb ,,xx4 ,,funerals #aic ,,the ,,complete ,,bachelor4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,the ,,bachelor ,,in ,,public4 ,the average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in public4 ,his dress1 his bearing1 his conduct toward women and his fellow-men1 are telling characteristics4 ,in the street1 when walking with a woman--the term lady being objectionable1 except in case of distinction--every man should be on his mettle4 ,common sense1 which is the basis of all etiquette1 teaches him that he should be her protector4 ,therefore1 under general circumstances1 his place is on the street or outer side4 ,should there be a crowd on the inner side1 should the walking be muddy or rough1 or should there be a building in process of repair1 or one or the other of the inconveniences of city life1 then the man should take the side which will enable him to shield his fair companion from all annoyance4 ,at night a man offers his arm to a woman4 ,in the daytime etiquette allows this only when the sidewalk is very rough1 when there are steps to climb1 a crowd to be piloted through1 or a street crossing to effect4 ,in any one of these emergencies suggest1 ,i think you will find it better to take my arm4 ,a man never walks bodkin--that is1 sandwiched between two women4 ,it is the privilege of a woman to bow first4 ,she may have reasons why she should not wish to continue an acquaintance1 and a man should never take the initiative4 ,abroad1 in many countries1 the man bows first4 ,when old friends meet1 however1 the bowing is simultaneous4 ,a man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the woman with whom he is walking4 ,it is his place1 on such an occasion1 to bow to a man friend1 whether the latter enjoys or does not have the pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman4 ,a man's failure to do this signifies that the woman does not wish to know him1 or that her companion does not wish her to know the other man4 ,hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places4 ,a man meeting a woman in one of these1 where by custom he is permitted to keep on his hat1 must step aside and let her pass1 raising his hat as he does so4 ,this does not apply to theater corridors1 theater or hotel lobbies1 or offices4 ,in such houses as the ,waldorf in ,new ,york1 where the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes1 it is not good form for a man to keep on his hat4 ,in ,london1 however1 the rule is not as strict4 ,men in this country do not lift their hats to one another1 except when they are introduced in the open or a public place4 ,civility is never wasted1 and it is proper1 as well as an act of reverence1 to thus salute a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman4 ,a man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service1 such as picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other article1 or when passing a fare in a public conveyance1 or when rendering any trifling assistance4 ,should she be with a male escort1 the latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered the service4 ,this bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude to an acquaintance with an unescorted woman1 and no gentleman would take advantage of it4 ,a man always raises his hat and remains uncovered when talking to a woman4 ,it is not good form to stop a woman on the street1 even if the exchange of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse4 ,a man never joins a woman on a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure that he can claim this privilege4 ,a gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a public conveyance4 ,he opens the door of the vehicle for her1 helps her in by a deft motion of the right arm1 and with his left protects her skirts from any possible mud or dust on the wheel4 ,as he leaves her he closes the door1 and1 if it be a private conveyance1 gives directions to the driver4 ,he lifts his hat in bidding her good-by4 ,even when there is a footman1 a second man1 or an attendant1 it should be esteemed a favor to give this assistance4 ,in entering shops1 theaters1 or other buildings1 where there are swinging doors1 the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar1 passing in last4 ,a woman always precedes a man1 except in one or two special cases4 ,a man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a theater1 and it is better form that he should take the inside seat1 especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacant one4 ,a man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building1 but in a private house1 in ascending or descending a stairway1 he should always allow the woman to precede him4 ,in entering a theater box a man follows the usher1 preceding the woman down the theater corridor to the door of the box4 ,he then holds this open1 and the women precede him1 he following them4 ,in a church1 in going down a narrow aisle1 the woman precedes the man4 ,the lift or elevator1 as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public building1 the office of a hotel1 and the vestibule of a theater1 are public highways4 ,in these places a man keeps on his hat1 his deportment being the same as he would observe in the street4 ,but when the lift or elevator is fitted up as a drawing room1 such as is used in hotels and other semi-public buildings1 a man removes his hat when the other sex is of the number of its passengers4 ,when escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit1 always mount the stoop or steps with her1 ring the bell1 and remain there until the servant comes to the door4 ,then1 if you are not going in1 take off your hat and leave her4 ,restaurants1 the dining rooms of hotels1 roof gardens1 and places of amusement in the open air1 where refreshments are served1 are semi-public4 ,a man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman bows to him and immediately returns the salutation4 ,should the place be in the open1 he doffs his hat1 which under such circumstances he is obliged to wear4 ,when he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends1 he should rise and remain standing during the conversation4 ,if a man is introduced to him1 unattended by a woman1 and he is with a stag party1 politeness bids him also rise4 ,a gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he could not introduce to his mother or his sister4 ,a man when he is with a lady should be very careful1 especially at roof gardens and such places in midsummer1 about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in rather doubtful company4 ,in walking1 a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella4 ,the stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob1 but the ferrule must be kept downward4 ,in business hours or on business thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation1 but the man of leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character4 ,the umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war1 and should not be carried as trailed arms1 but like the stick it should be grasped a short distance below the handle1 and the latter held almost upright on a very slight perpendicular4 ,in the presence of ladies1 unless by special permission1 a gentleman never smokes1 and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed while on the street or walking with them4 ,if1 while smoking1 a man should meet a woman and there should be any stopping to talk1 he must at once throw away his cigar or his cigarette4 ,a pipe is never smoked on fashionable promenades1 and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his mouth is an anomaly4 ,the pipe accompanies tweeds and a pot hat in the country or on business thoroughfares4 ,a meerschaum or a wooden pipe is then allowable1 but never a clay or a dudeen4 ,the cuspidor is a banished instrument4 ,the filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequent expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society4 ,a gentleman is never hurried1 nor does he loiter4 ,the fashionable gait is comparatively slow1 with long steps4 ,the exaggerated stride of the ,anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the ,bowery tough4 ,the correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort4 ,staring at or ogling women1 standing at the entrances of theaters1 churches1 or other public buildings1 stopping still and turning back to look at some one or something in the street1 can be classified as offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty4 ,free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society1 and this same rule should apply to public conveyances4 ,as the man who crosses his legs in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible1 so should be the individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance4 ,he not only proves a nuisance to those around him1 but he is a source of damage as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers4 ,in a crowded car1 ferryboat1 or stage1 it is yet a mooted question as to whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman4 ,in theory he should1 but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned4 ,to a refined or delicate lady1 to an old or an enfeebled woman1 or one burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms1 the answer to this should be a decided affirmative4 ,in the ,south1 this gallant action is universally practiced1 except when the woman is a negress4 ,in public conveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman4 ,an escort should pay all fares in public conveyances1 and should look after the comfort and welfare of his companion1 taking entire charge of tickets1 luggage1 and luggage checks4 ,should a woman insist upon paying her pro rata of the expenses the arrangement can be made before starting1 many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for the purpose4 ,do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends who might possibly enter your train or stage4 ,this is embarrassing and not necessary4 ,a railway car or carriage being a public conveyance1 a man always keeps on his hat1 as he also does in a cab or any other vehicle in which he is driving1 accompanied or not accompanied by one of the opposite sex4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,how ,a ,,bachelor ,,should ,,dress4 ,there are three rules of dress which1 for the ordinary man in his everyday life1 might be resolved into two4 ,these originally are morning1 afternoon1 and evening4 ,morning and evening are absolutely necessary2 afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only4 ,morning dress is that which is worn during business hours or at any time in any place1 where semiformal dress is not required until candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening4 ,it consists usually in winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different kinds of material1 the favorites being ,scotch tweeds or black and blue cheviots1 rough-faced and smooth4 ,fashions are liable to some variation season after season1 and the general rule can only be laid down in a book of this kind4 ,with the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the ,derby or soft-felt ,alpine hat1 called the ,hombourg4 ,the ,derbies are black1 brown1 or drab1 and the felts are gray1 brown1 drab1 or black4 ,the colored shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual accompaniment to the lounge suit4 ,the fashion for colored shirts in stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the bosom4 ,the tie is a four-in-hand or an ,ascot1 or a simple bow1 the boots black leather or dark-brown russet1 and the gloves of tan or gray undressed kid or of dogskin4 ,for ordinary business wear1 suits of black or gray mixed cheviot1 vicuna or worsted1 or fancy ,scotch goods1 the coat of which is a cutaway1 are also popular2 but the black diagonal cutaway has passed entirely out of fashion1 and is utilized at present in riding costume4 ,the lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot or tweed4 ,straw hats are worn in place of ,derbies and felts4 ,fashion sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business suits2 otherwise the entire costume--trousers1 coat1 and waistcoat--is of the same material4 ,in the country1 at the seaside1 or in communities where golf1 wheeling1 tennis1 yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day1 the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morning suits4 ,this is what the ,english call mufti4 ,such costumes are1 however1 not in good form in the city4 ,black leather1 tan1 or russet shoes are worn with morning dress4 ,white duck or flannel trousers1 with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat1 make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts4 ,afternoon dress consists of a double-breasted frock coat of soft cheviot1 vicuna1 or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to match--single-breasted or double-breasted--of fancy cloth1 ,marseilles duck or pique2 trousers of different material1 usually cashmere1 quiet in tone1 with a striped pattern on a dark gray1 drab1 or blue background2 boots of patent leather1 buttoned1 not tied2 a white or colored shirt with straight standing white collar2 a four-in-hand1 puffed ,ascot1 or small club tie2 silk hat and undressed gray1 tan1 or brown kid gloves4 ,the colored shirt is an innovation1 and it should be used sparingly1 white linen on any semiformal function being in better form4 ,when spats are used they should be of brown1 gray1 or drab cloth or canvas1 to match the trousers as nearly as possible4 ,some ultra faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress1 but the fashion is not universal4 ,afternoon dress1 is the attire for weddings--for the bridegroom1 best man1 ushers1 and male guests2 at afternoon teas1 afternoon receptions1 afternoon calls1 afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue1 garden parties 7but not picnics71 luncheons1 and1 in fact1 at all formal or semiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight1 as well as at church on ,sundays1 at funerals1 and in the park in ,london after midday4 ,gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from ,london1 and have been worn at all the functions at which the black is required1 but the latter is more conservative and in better taste4 ,the afternoon dress is seldom worn in midsummer1 morning suits being allowable at seaside and mountain-resort day functions4 ,evening dress is the proper attire1 winter or summer1 on all occasions after candlelight4 ,there are two kinds of evening dress1 formal and informal4 ,formal or full evening dress1 as it is sometimes vulgarly called1 consists of the evening or swallowtail coat of black dress worsted or soft-faced vicuna1 with or without silk or satin facing1 with waistcoat and trousers of the same material1 the latter plain or with a braid down the sides4 ,the dress waistcoat can also be of white duck or pique1 in which case it is double-breasted4 ,the shape of the dress waistcoat shows the shirt bosom in the form of a ,u4 ,the evening shirt is of plain white linen1 with two shirt buttons and link cuffs1 straight standing collar1 white lawn or linen tie4 ,the gloves are white with white stitching1 the hose of black silk1 and the handkerchief1 which must be present but not seen1 of plain white linen4 ,the shoes are patent-leather pumps or low quarters1 tied1 not buttoned4 ,the overcoat is an ,inverness of black cheviot1 lined with satin and without sleeves1 and the hat a crush opera4 ,these two latter adjuncts are not indispensable1 but most convenient4 ,an ordinary black overcoat and top hat can be worn with evening dress4 ,no visible jewelry--not even a watch chain--is allowed4 ,the shirt buttons are either of white enamel1 dull-finished gold1 or pearls1 and the sleeve links white-enameled or lozenge-shaped disks of gold1 with a monogram thereon engraved4 ,evening dress is de rigueur at balls1 dances1 evening receptions1 evening weddings1 dinners1 suppers1 the opera1 and the theater1 when calling after candlelight1 and in fact at any formal evening function and generally when ladies are present4 ,informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the ,tuxedo or dinner coat in place of the swallowtail1 and the substitution of a black silk for a white lawn tie4 ,the dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuna1 satin-faced4 ,it is the badge of informality4 ,formerly it was only worn at the club1 at small stag dinners1 and on occasions when ladies were not present4 ,now it is in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal parties to the play1 at bowling parties1 restaurant dinners1 and1 in fact1 on any occasion which is not formal4 ,from ,june to ,october men wear it in town every evening without overcoat4 ,as the dinner jacket is short1 a top or silk hat can not be worn with it4 ,the proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat1 in summer a straw4 ,the dinner jacket is becoming a necessity4 ,it is worn also by all youths and boys from twelve years to seventeen1 at which latter period they can assume the toga virilis or swallowtail4 ,i here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish to dress well4 ,all scarves and ties should be tied by one's self4 ,made-up neckwear of any kind is not worn by well-groomed men4 ,white evening waistcoats and ,tuxedo coats do not agree2 black is only allowable4 ,jewelry is vulgar4 ,the ring for a man is a seal of either green or red stone1 or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engraved upon it4 ,it must be worn on the little finger4 ,watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue4 ,watches and latchkeys are attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket4 ,diamonds are only in good form when set in a scarf pin1 and even then they are in questionable taste4 ,diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely vulgar4 ,the fashionable overcoat in winter is a ,chesterfield or single-breasted frock of kersey or like material in brown1 blue1 or black1 with velvet collar4 ,for autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,toilet4 ,the first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub4 ,to-day1 houses--especially clubs and bachelor apartments--are fitted up so luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom1 which he uses also as a dressing room4 ,but where these are not1 the tin or the ,india-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first ablution4 ,a cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener1 but there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock1 especially in winter1 of icy-cold water4 ,for cleansing purposes1 tepid water is best1 or a mixture of hot and cold1 so as to take the chill off4 ,a gentleman takes at least one tub a day1 and that1 as may be inferred from the previous remarks1 when he arises4 ,if the tub is in the bedroom1 have a rubber cloth placed under1 and fill it only half full4 ,the sponge is used for the bath1 the wash rag for the washstand4 ,the body should have a thorough soaping4 ,the soap should be either ,castile or a pure unscented glycerin4 ,sweet-scented soaps1 perfumery1 and sweet waters of all kinds should be eschewed4 ,the ,turkish towel is the best for drying1 and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied4 ,a flesh brush may be also used with comfort4 ,as soon as the body is perfectly dry the bath robe or large ,turkish towel1 which some prefer to wrap themselves in1 like ,indians1 should be resumed and shaving begun4 ,every man should learn to shave himself4 ,razors are very delicate instruments and should be kept in thorough order4 ,safety razors with little blades for each day in the week are excellent1 but if you use the ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time1 until you have at least half a dozen4 ,once a month send these to a barber to be stropped1 and strop them yourself both before and after using4 ,wipe them dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases4 ,the best strop is of ,russia leather or of canvas4 ,warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving1 as some beards are soft and resist heat4 ,if possible1 arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and places for your razors1 shaving mug1 brush1 and soap4 ,you can purchase one of these1 with the entire outfit1 for a few dollars at any of the large city shops4 ,a ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper can be placed on one side of the stand4 ,a cleanly man shaves every morning4 ,after shaving1 wash the face with a little warm water and wipe it thoroughly dry4 ,add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of ,pond's extract1 if the skin is liable to chap4 ,in the fashion of beards1 the clean or smooth-shaven face1 the pointed beard1 and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue4 ,should you wear a beard1 you should have for it a special comb and brush4 ,a small tin basin1 a package of sea salt1 and a special wash rag are the requisites for a morning eye bath4 ,sea salt and warm water are recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes4 ,the teeth next claim your attention4 ,there is nothing more disgusting than foul breath1 which comes frequently from neglected teeth4 ,use a soft toothbrush4 ,avoid patent tooth washes and lotions4 ,an excellent tooth powder is made of two thirds ,french chalk1 one third orris root1 and a pinch of myrrh4 ,any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents4 ,tepid and not cold water should be used4 ,in rinsing the mouth a drop or two of listerine added to the water is excellent4 ,teeth should be brushed at least twice a day--morning and evening4 ,never use soap on your toothbrush4 ,get a spool of dental silk--it will cost you eight cents--and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire1 so as to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice4 ,and1 above all1 have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twice a year4 ,see that your toothbrush is sweet and clean1 and place it handle down in the tooth mug4 ,the hands should be well washed and dried1 tepid water1 scentless soap1 and a smooth towel being used4 ,the nails should have a vigorous rubbing with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you go to bed at night4 ,the nail file and nail scissors must be used as often as possible4 ,remember1 dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and the unkempt4 ,a man with dirty hands is impossible4 ,the nails should not be pointed1 but well rounded and kept free of bits of callous skin around the base1 called hangnails4 ,finger nails should be kept short1 just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger4 ,the nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands4 ,in summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor of perspiration4 ,the fashions for parting the hair change with the times4 ,at present it is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable4 ,very young men wear their hair unusually long1 but this fad is uncleanly4 ,the hair should be cut at least once a month1 and a glimpse of the skin of the neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar4 ,pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious4 ,if you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into it occasionally4 ,washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol and rosemary are beneficial4 ,the scalp should be well brushed with moderately firm but not hard bristles4 ,the best brushes are those without handles1 known as army and navy4 ,water is bad for the hair4 ,constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp and provoke dandruff1 which can be allayed by brushing1 shampooing1 and the use of borax and warm water4 ,turkish or ,russian baths are beneficial now and then1 and the vigorous massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin4 ,a man should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances4 ,in your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels4 ,always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or on the back of a movable tub to dry4 ,see that the soap is removed from your sponges1 and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce of borax dissolved in tepid water4 ,let them soak for an hour1 and squeeze them out in clean water4 ,hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water4 ,the brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back4 ,when they are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side1 after the water is shaken out1 until quite dry4 ,nailbrushes must be turned on their sides1 after using1 so that the water will not soak in and crack their backs4 ,a man's toilet articles1 whether in silver or wood1 should be of one distinctive style and material4 ,tooth and nail brushes should never have silver handles1 but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are very smart4 ,they should be kept polished with a chamois cloth1 and occasionally a little silver polish or whiting4 ,your bureau or dressing table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes1 the combs1 the toilet mirror1 nail files1 nail scissors1 and such smaller articles4 ,your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand4 ,your sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the wash-hand stand1 or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom has the latter convenience4 ,your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after you leave it1 and you should have at least one window up during your sleeping hours4 ,if you have a movable tub see that it is aired each morning after using4 ,always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a busy day and from the street4 ,nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging about your room in them4 ,and last but not least1 as it contains the essential of all these rules and hints1 be always immaculately clean4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,the ,,care ,,of ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,clothes4 ,there are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good valet1 and that personage himself1 when found thoroughly competent1 is indeed a treasure4 ,but it is an absurd mistake for any one to think that a valet is a necessity4 ,if you take a quarter of an hour for the care of your clothes every day1 you can be just as well turned out as if you hired an expensive servant4 ,even if you have indulged in the luxury of a valet1 you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe4 ,whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your pockets4 ,then1 as soon as each garment is removed1 it should be vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away4 ,never hang coats1 trousers1 or waistcoats2 always fold them4 ,wire coat hangers and trousers stretchers ruin clothes4 ,whisk brooms are useful only when an extra-vigorous treatment is desired4 ,take a clothes brush and give your coat1 as soon as you take it off1 a thorough brushing1 and hold it to the light1 so that no particle of dust may escape your eye4 ,the coat is then folded exactly in half lengthwise1 sleeve to sleeve1 the lining on the outside4 ,with evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold the sleeves in half1 owing to the shortness of the waist4 ,in packing a trunk the same method is used1 only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper to avoid possible wrinkles4 ,large and bulky garments1 such as overcoats and frock coats1 should be folded in triplicate4 ,lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on both sides1 the right and the left1 so much of the lapel and collar lengthwise as will cover the sleeve4 ,this will make two folds from the top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt4 ,then fold the coat again in half lengthwise1 using the back as a hinge4 ,you will find the same principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake4 ,the waistcoat is folded in half1 with the lining on the outside4 ,always take off your shoes and unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers1 and fold them over the back of a chair1 which is to serve you as a clothes rack4 ,take the trousers by the waist and place together the first two suspender buttons1 one on the left and the other on the right4 ,this will make the fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material1 button and buttonhole tab at the waist4 ,trousers carefully folded will only need pressing about twice a year4 ,hose should be well shaken1 and unless perfectly clean1 thrown in the soiled-linen basket4 ,evening silk hose can be worn several times4 ,the undervest1 or undershirt1 and the drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking1 and hung on the back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose4 ,all these intimate garments are to be aired1 and the chair on which you have hung them taken to the window4 ,use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes4 ,if you are in very limited quarters1 six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for all your belongings4 ,the evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf1 and the morning and afternoon suits the other or two others4 ,the remainder will be for linen1 underclothing1 ties1 and handkerchiefs4 ,between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper2 those publications which use the blackest of printer's ink--the surest antidote for moths--being the best for this purpose4 ,cover the top of each pile of clothes1 when the drawer or shelf is full1 with a clean towel4 ,in a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for underclothes1 the top for handkerchiefs1 hose1 and ties1 and the two intermediate for your linen4 ,the closet will have to serve for your suits of clothes1 or1 in lieu of that1 your trunk4 ,otherwise the last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season1 carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor4 ,when you remove your shirt at night1 or when you change for dinner1 be careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links1 unless you intend to wear the garment again4 ,in that case1 hang it up in your closet4 ,the first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or his sweetheart is a handkerchief case1 and ,i hardly need advise you to purchase what is a standard ,christmas offering4 ,keep your handkerchiefs in this1 your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer1 and your hose in the third4 ,if you should have a silver and plush pincushion with a movable top1 your small articles of jewelry go in its interior1 or in a small box in the top drawer4 ,silk hats1 ,derbies1 and ,alpines or soft-felt hats should never be brushed with a whisk broom4 ,a hatter will sell you for a small sum a soft brush with a pliable plush back1 which will do for smoothing your silk hat1 the bristles to be applied in removing the dust4 ,a silk handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat4 ,frequent ironing destroys the nap4 ,straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half of a lemon1 then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water and giving it a vigorous brushing4 ,then you should take heavy books and lay them on the brim of the hat4 ,an old pincushion or several towels rolled into a firm ball1 or a book which will fit exactly1 should be placed inside the crown4 ,allow the hat to dry1 and do not remove the weights until this is accomplished4 ,you will find your straw as good as new and the shape preserved4 ,the writer has tried this with great success4 ,boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keep them in shape4 ,as trees are rather expensive1 one can use paper and stuff it inside the boot or shoe4 ,this will not prove a bad substitute4 ,with patent leathers1 paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents the leather from wrinkling1 and in this instance the very cheap material is better than the more expensive appliance4 ,patent leathers must be creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after all mud and dust have first been removed4 ,this operation should be repeated daily4 ,some men maintain that patent leathers should be varnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker1 but ,i disagree with them4 ,a varnished patent leather has always a cheap look1 and the coat of veneer is only applied as a last resort1 to hide the cracks4 ,russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold for them1 which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop4 ,the price is small1 and the stuff will last a long time4 ,russet boots1 however1 can be very well treated with a little vaseline1 but that product will not give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable4 ,the soles of boots and shoes should be painted black4 ,when a man is obliged to kneel in any ceremony1 the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd4 ,in wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of your trousers1 to keep them from fraying4 ,i would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month4 ,at the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a final brushing and be stored away in a trunk1 chest1 or spare room with1 as ,i have already advised1 newspapers between them1 and some camphor or moth destroyer as an extra precaution4 ,overcoats1 which are in such general use1 may be hung during their season of service1 but should be frequently brushed and well shaken4 ,the economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in a room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's wardrobe in a trunk4 ,a shoe bag is a great convenience4 ,a simple canvas arrangement can be purchased very cheaply1 or one of your fair friends can make you one4 ,your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunk in a corner4 ,otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper4 ,if you travel with two trunks1 one should be reserved for your outer garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes4 ,with one trunk1 a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag1 but in lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray1 the underclothes and hose in the second1 and the outer garments in the bottom4 ,a small space in the top can be reserved for your ties and handkerchiefs4 ,toilet articles are carried in a hand bag2 waterproofs1 overcoats1 and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap4 ,your silk hat has but one place1 and that is in a hatbox4 ,you can put a ,derby in a corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined4 ,when a long journey is taken1 it is economy in the end to purchase an extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen4 ,trunks are not expensive1 and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will save in the long run4 ,always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as well as one of ammonia1 some soft rags1 and a chamois for general cleaning purposes4 ,an expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar will provide you with these necessaries4 ,never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress4 ,if you are to stay awhile1 or if you come in for the night1 take off your clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a dressing gown1 which is not a necessity4 ,at your office you should always have an old coat to wear1 and if it be summer have one of linen4 ,to sit around in one's shirt sleeves1 even at one's place of business1 is not characteristic of the gentleman4 ,,the ,,cost ,,of ,,clothes4 ,every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known as society1 is confronted with the problem of clothes4 ,a few years ago the ordinary changes of morning1 afternoon1 and evening were all that were requisite1 but to-day1 with special costumes for various sports and pastimes1 the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not encouraging4 ,and yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on two to three hundred dollars a year1 and even less4 ,it is only the first step which costs4 ,one must have a foundation or a slight capital with which to start4 ,after that with a little care expenses can be easily regulated4 ,the evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe4 ,this he is obliged to have4 ,i would advise1 in selecting a suit of this kind1 to have it of good material from a good tailor1 after a model not too pronounced1 so that in case of any small alteration in the fashions it can survive a season or two4 ,with proper care your evening suit should last at least five years4 ,during the first two or three it should be your costume for formal occasions4 ,during the third season you might possibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat or even the coat4 ,when you find yourself1 thus by the principles of the doctrine of the survival of the fittest1 the possessor of two evening suits1 use the old one for theaters and small dinners1 and the best for the formal functions4 ,white waistcoats are very smart for evening wear1 and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a season will save the waistcoat of the evening suit4 ,the prices of evening suits vary4 ,the most fashionable ,fifth ,avenue tailors charge as much as one hundred and twenty-five dollars for them4 ,some men argue that this sum insures an excellent investment4 ,however1 you can have an excellent one made by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars4 ,the large retail clothing shops have a custom department1 and that is their figure for an evening suit made to order4 ,you can even have one for twenty-five dollars1 but ,i would not spend a less amount4 ,superintend the making of it yourself4 ,some men have adjustable figures1 and they can purchase their clothes from the block--that is1 ready-made4 ,the only fault to find with these garments is their machinelike cut4 ,the pockets1 if any1 the lines1 the binding1 and the entire get-up look as if these affairs had been turned out by the dozen4 ,white waistcoats for evening wear are1 however1 somewhat in the nature of luxuries4 ,they are difficult to have laundered1 and some very smart men object to having them sent to the wash1 and would not wear one after it has gone through that process4 ,the ,fifth ,avenue tailor will charge as much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order4 ,it may fit you perfectly1 but yet again it may not look a whit better than the ready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three to five dollars4 ,a ,tuxedo or dinner coat1 as explained in another chapter1 is almost a necessity4 ,it is really a saving4 ,if you can not afford to have an entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket1 which will cost from twenty-five to forty dollars1 and wear it with the trousers and waistcoat1 and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress4 ,i have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonal cutaways or old evening coat changed into a ,tuxedo by the cutting off of tails1 the substitution of a silk collar1 or some other alteration4 ,a sack coat is easily arranged1 and any little tailor around the corner will make the metamorphosis for three dollars4 ,suppose you have had one of your old coats transformed into a ,tuxedo4 ,you can purchase1 if you do not wish to have made1 a pair of black trousers of the same material for a very few dollars1 and an old black waistcoat1 which went with the original coat1 can also be altered4 ,remember that a ,tuxedo dinner coat has not to be of a certain material4 ,it must be black and have a silk collar4 ,it is really neglige4 ,you should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts4 ,if you are a wealthy man these will cost possibly1 made to order1 as high as fifty-six dollars1 but you can also have excellent ones for nine dollars4 ,it is considered smart to have the collars attached1 but not necessary4 ,the cuffs1 however1 should be always a part of the shirt4 ,white ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece4 ,always state the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties1 and you will never have cause to complain of the length4 ,black patent-leather pumps1 made to order1 are from eight to nine dollars4 ,you can get them much cheaper ready made1 but the only trouble with them is that they are not usually good fits1 and that in future years you will have cause to regret this economy4 ,of black silk stockings1 of which you will need two or three pair1 you can have a choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair4 ,i would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year for the first three years4 ,in making this estimate ,i can hardly suppose that you are in the state of ,adam1 and ,i would advise you to wear your old suit in winter especially1 and on rainy and stormy days4 ,your overcoat will conceal it in the street1 and at the office the older the clothes the better4 ,the pivotal points of a man are his hat1 boots1 and tie4 ,have these perfectly correct1 and the rest will take care of itself4 ,for winter buy a thick1 useful cloth1 such as ,scotch homespun or rough cheviot or tweed4 ,brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable and wear well4 ,in summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always smart4 ,thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one1 you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be a well-groomed man4 ,a half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary1 with attached cuffs but detached collars4 ,every now and then ,i would invest a few dollars in shirts1 and before you know it you will have a large supply4 ,as dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the many places which you will find advertised1 and use them for morning shirts4 ,six changes of underwear--merino or wool--and a dozen balbriggan or woolen hose will be sufficient4 ,summer underwear is very cheap1 and you can get a light merino suit for one dollar4 ,a four-dollar investment will last several seasons4 ,good winter underwear is expensive1 costing four or five dollars a suit4 ,pyjamas of ,madras or pongee silk1 very effective and pretty1 can be had for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit4 ,four suits of these--two for summer and two for winter--will last at least two years4 ,a man must have1 besides his dancing pumps1 a pair of patent-leather walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear4 ,if you can afford it1 have two pair of boots made at the same time1 or even more4 ,an investment of fifty dollars in boots1 at say eight dollars a pair1 would be excellent4 ,you can change daily1 and they will last you over a period of two or three or more years4 ,the afternoon suit is more or less a luxury4 ,unless you frequent afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls1 or act as an usher at weddings in any city but ,new ,york1 the frock coat is not1 for the first three or four years of your career1 an absolute necessity4 ,in ,new ,york1 however1 where calls are only made in the afternoon1 it must form a part of your wardrobe4 ,a frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars2 seventy-five to one hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors4 ,when you order it1 see that it is not in the extreme of fashion4 ,the conservative garment will last a number of years4 ,the material1 as ,i have already suggested in another chapter1 must be of rough worsted1 vicuna1 or material of that kind1 and never of broadcloth4 ,with it you must have a pair of fancy or cashmere trousers4 ,these will cost from eight to fifteen dollars1 and they will last you several years4 ,in fact1 the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is excellent3 it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts of your wardrobe4 ,it stays practically in fashion1 with little deviation1 for almost a decade4 ,the silk hat1 which is necessary for the afternoon suit1 is one of the most expensive items of a man's wardrobe4 ,a top hat must be of the prevailing mode4 ,autumn is the best time for purchasing1 as you can dispense with it after ,may1 except on very special occasions4 ,two ,derbies--one for autumn and the other for spring--at from two to four dollars1 or only one1 for that matter1 to last through the entire eight months1 and a straw hat1 from two to four dollars1 will be the entire amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men4 ,for a ,derby you can substitute an ,alpine or ,hombourg4 ,the opera crush hat is a luxury1 and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the year before1 which you can christen your night hawk4 ,shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item4 ,however1 the purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime1 and fifteen dollars would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold4 ,ties vary in price1 and it is difficult to limit a man on this expenditure4 ,many invest in them as a fad1 picking them up here and there1 and thus accumulating a large assortment4 ,a little judgment in purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe4 ,if you give your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ a cheap tailor who will turn out very good work4 ,for fashion plates1 ,i do not know of any better than ,du ,maurier's pictures of smart ,london men in the ,london ,punch4 ,watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring for bargains in haberdashery4 ,study well the advice given in the chapter on the ,care of ,clothes in this book1 and you will find therein that which will certainly teach you economy4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,introductions1 ,,invitations1 ,,and ,,calls4 ,formal introductions are not in vogue in this country4 ,the nearest approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one of his particular friends to another4 ,when you desire to present a man to a woman you must ask her if you may bring ,mr4 ---- to her house4 ,in ,new ,york the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon1 between four and six4 ,in introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to make a formal appointment4 ,in presenting a man to a woman her permission must first be asked4 ,the formula is1 ,mrs4 ,c----1 may ,i present ,mr4 ,d----8 ,informal introductions may be made between people visiting in the same house by simply saying1 ,mrs4 ,d----1 may ,i present ,mr4 ,b----8 or ,mr4 ,f----1 do you know ,mr4 ,c----8 ,these informal introductions need not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable4 ,introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any kind1 or in public conveyances1 unless under exceptional circumstances4 ,it is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a room to more than one other4 ,wholesale introductions are not the custom in ,new ,york4 ,general introductions are not made at a dinner or at any function4 ,people are sufficiently well bred to engage in general conversation when in the houses of their friends1 even if they do not know each other1 and not to take advantage of the circumstances afterward4 ,at any function at which the guests are told off1 the host or hostess only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down4 ,a man never shakes hands upon being presented to a woman1 but always on being introduced to a man4 ,a man should never shake hands with a woman while wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved4 ,your hostess will give her hand to you when you make your obeisance4 ,after being presented1 an invitation is apt to follow4 ,it may be1 ,drop in to tea any afternoon1 or simply1 ,i would be glad to have you call4 ,this invitation should always come from a married woman4 ,unmarried women do not ask young men to call4 ,a man may ask the privilege of calling1 or the mother of the young woman may say1 ,we should be pleased to have you call1 ,mr4 ,smith4 ,in ,new ,york and in many of the larger cities1 as has already been stated1 the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the hours of four and six in the afternoon4 ,sometimes women have days in the season1 and you should pay your call on one of them4 ,otherwise any afternoon may do1 and you can use ,sunday for this purpose after three o'clock4 ,afternoon dress is1 of course1 requisite4 ,in those places where evening calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress4 ,on the opening of the door by the servant1 a man asks of him whether the hostess or the ladies are at home4 ,this will depend on the number of the members of the family receiving4 ,he gives to the domestic the proper number of cards4 ,the servant precedes him1 opens the drawing-room door for him1 and in some ultra ,english houses he is announced4 ,his card or cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has presented to him in the hall and left there4 ,a visiting card is never brought into the drawing room4 ,a man on a first or a formal call carries his stick and hat into the drawing room with him4 ,to hang his hat in the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house4 ,he1 however1 should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella4 ,his hostess will advance to meet him1 and will extend to him her right hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion1 and he should shake it with a quick nervous movement of his right4 ,he should neither grasp nor squeeze her hand1 nor should he attempt that absurd so-called ,british shake in the air1 which is never practiced except by player folk4 ,a man removes his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room1 and holds this with his stick and hat in his left4 ,the hat should be at an angle1 the top about level with his nose4 ,at weddings1 the opera1 and dances1 where a woman is gloved1 a man1 if it is required to shake hands1 does not remove his gloves4 ,on ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in her own drawing room1 and if she is1 handshaking is not usually expected4 ,should the hostess be gloved1 as at a large affair1 such as a formal or wedding reception1 a man shakes hands with her with them on4 ,tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers1 little cakes1 and sometimes sandwiches4 ,if you take a sandwich or a cup of tea1 a doylie will be given you1 which place upon your knee4 ,when another caller enters the room stand up1 whether it is a woman or a man4 ,ten minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call4 ,it is less awkward to leave when a new caller is announced4 ,shake hands with your hostess and bow to the people present4 ,leave the room sideways1 so as not to turn your back upon the company1 and bow to them as you reach the door1 thus bowing yourself out4 ,remember1 do not be a lingerer or a sitter4 ,no men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores4 ,the first arrivals leave first4 ,freezing out is not known in good society4 ,calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation accepted or regretted2 after weddings1 wedding receptions1 deaths in families1 etc41 as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving4 ,a letter of introduction is always sent1 never left in person4 ,calls at the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities1 and are not accepted as formal4 ,a man enters an opera box1 stands1 and bows4 ,his hostess will turn around and greet him4 ,he will then1 if there is a vacant chair1 take one1 and sit and talk a little while1 leaving on the arrival of another caller4 ,these rules for afternoon calls can be applied also to those made in the evening4 ,if no day is set for a first call1 a man is expected to drop in any afternoon within ten days after the invitation4 ,the sooner a call is made the greater the compliment4 ,a second call may be made within two or three months2 after that once or twice a year1 as intimacy permits4 ,a man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he has not first called4 ,the usual form of a dinner invitation1 the hostess being married1 reads3 ,my dear ,mr4 ,smith3 ,will you dine with us1 most informally1 on ,wednesday1 ,december the ninth1 at eight o'clock8 ,hoping that you have no engagement for that evening1 believe me1 ,yours very sincerely1 ,alice de ,tompkins4 ,november thirtieth4 ,an answer to an invitation like this1 which should be sent within twenty-four hours1 reads3 ,my dear ,mrs4 de ,tompkins3 ,it will give me great pleasure to dine with you on ,wednesday evening1 ,december the ninth1 at eight o'clock4 ,with many thanks for your kind thought of me1 ,yours very sincerely1 ,algernon ,smith4 ,december first4 ,or1 in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve guests3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 de ,tompkins request the pleasure of ,mr4 ,smith's company at dinner on ,wednesday evening1 ,december the ninth1 at eight o'clock4 ,the answer reads3 ,mr4 ,algernon ,smith1 ,jr41 accepts with pleasure ,mr4 and ,mrs4 de ,tompkins's kind invitation for ,wednesday evening1 ,december the ninth1 at eight o'clock4 ,december first4 ,answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner1 only changing the hours1 etc4 ,informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the chapter on that subject4 ,the form of an invitation to a private dance is3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 de ,tompkins request the pleasure of ,mr4 ,algernon ,smith's company on ,friday evening1 ,january the ninth1 at nine o'clock4 ,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p4 ,dancing4 ,the answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal dinner4 ,as dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in advance1 three days' grace is allowed for the answer4 ,when an invitation is received to a subscription ball1 like the assemblies in various cities1 you should acknowledge it1 by your acceptance or regret1 to the subscriber sending it2 but when an invitation is received from a ball committee1 you should accept as follows3 ,mr4 ,james de ,courcy ,peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's kind invitation for ,thursday evening1 ,february the fifteenth4 ,january second4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,cards4 ,there is only one visiting card in vogue for a man4 ,it must be of plain white bristol board1 unglazed1 about three or four inches in length and about two inches in width4 ,the name should be engraved1 not printed1 in the middle of the card1 in small copperplate type1 without ornamentation of any kind4 ,the prefix ,mr4 is always used unless the person is a physician1 in which case he can place ,dr4 before his name1 or a clergyman1 when he may use the ,rev4 ,mr4 or the ,rev4 ,dr41 according to his rank4 ,army and navy men1 ranking as captain or above1 should put their rank on their cards4 ,mr4 is the prefix for subalterns4 ,the address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the right-hand corner4 ,if an address1 however1 is that of a man's club1 it should be engraved on the left hand4 ,a man's card should also contain his ,christian as well as his surname4 ,if he possesses two ,christian names1 or any distinctive family name1 that should also be given1 so that his appellation is shown in full4 ,for instance1 ,mr4 ,john ,william ,jones1 ,mr4 ,james ,brown ,smith1 ,mr4 ,hamilton ,hamilton-,stuyvesant4 ,visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or ,russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat1 or if small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket4 ,card cases should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram4 ,visiting cards should never be carried loose in the pocket4 ,a card is left in person the day after a dinner1 luncheon1 or breakfast1 or within a week at latest after a ball4 ,civility must be returned by civility1 and cards must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary4 ,cards should not be sent by mail1 unless when about to leave the country1 or under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call4 ,on leaving the country you should write the initials ,p4 ,p4 ,c4 7pour prendre conge7 in the right-hand corner4 ,in ,new ,york many men send cards by mail1 offering the excuse that the city is too large to get about to make personal calls4 ,this is only a flimsy pretext1 and should have no weight4 ,the question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder most people4 ,the general rule is a card to each person4 ,this will have to be explained4 ,when you call on ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,smith you must leave a card for each--two cards4 ,when you call on ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,smith and the ,misses ,smith1 three cards1 the young ladies counting as a unit4 ,for ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,smith1 the ,misses ,smith1 and their married daughter ,mrs4 ,jones staying with them1 four cards--,mrs4 ,jones being entitled to the fourth4 ,if ,mr4 ,jones is also stopping at the ,smiths leave an extra card for him4 ,for ,mrs4 ,smith 7widow7 and the ,misses ,smith1 two cards4 ,for ,mr4 ,smith 7widower7 and the ,misses ,smith1 two cards4 ,in mailing cards1 address them on the envelope ,mrs4 ,smith1 the ,misses ,smith1 or ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,brown-,smith2 ,the ,misses ,brown-,smith1 the one under the other4 ,never write on your cards ,for ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,john ,brown-,smith4 ,it is bad form4 ,never leave cards for people who have not asked you to call4 ,when friends from another city1 who have entertained you or who have been polite to you1 should arrive in your own city1 you should immediately call and leave cards for them4 ,in that case1 should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess1 it would be civil to leave cards also for them4 ,after a wedding1 if invited to the reception1 you must personally leave cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and hostess1 and also for the young couple when they return from their bridal trip4 ,two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case4 ,when invited to the church only1 leave or send cards to the bride's parents and the young couple4 ,as the card to the church only1 is rather an equivocal compliment1 mailing cards in this case could be excused4 ,leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a subscription ball1 within a week after the invitation4 ,in cases of death1 leave cards within a fortnight4 ,in answer to letters of condolence1 it is best to send your cards with the words ,thank you for your kind sympathy written thereon4 ,for mourning1 use the same size or style of card1 but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness of degree of relationship with the deceased4 ,the deepest border permissible is about a quarter of an inch4 ,it is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof4 ,these signs mean nothing now in good society4 ,in calling--it may be repeated here--you ask1 if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house1 for the ladies1 and hand the servant the number of cards necessary4 ,he takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall1 goes before you1 and announces you4 ,your card is never taken to the lady of the house1 unless it is a business call4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,the ,,diner-,,out4 ,when ,i speak of the diner-out1 ,i include under this title the bachelor guest not only at dinners1 but also at luncheons and at suppers4 ,the formal breakfast is a festivity of the past1 and the first meal in a household is purely a family affair4 ,however1 luncheons on ,sunday at one or two o'clock are in ,new ,york frequently called breakfasts1 because ,i believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day4 ,the luncheon after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast1 but this1 like the ,sunday meal1 is simply a title by courtesy4 ,luncheons1 where men are guests1 are popular entertainments at all the large summer resorts1 such as ,newport1 ,long ,branch1 ,bar ,harbor1 as well as at the more celebrated of the ,western and ,pacific watering places and the winter cities of the ,south4 ,in ,new ,york and other great centers1 where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure1 these entertainments are greatly in vogue1 and in ,washington they sometimes assume the color of diplomatic functions4 ,the hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock1 and sometimes it is advanced to two4 ,all guests are expected to be punctual to the minute and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad form4 ,better a little too early than too late4 ,however1 do not make yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon4 ,bear in mind that the reputation of being the late ,mr4 ,smith is not enviable4 ,a tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance4 ,this rule applies to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest1 with only one exception--dances1 where you have an hour's grace4 ,luncheons1 as a rule1 are informal affairs4 ,men have attended them in lounge suits1 but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in afternoon dress4 ,overcoats1 hats1 and sticks are left in the hall4 ,your gloves are removed in the drawing room4 ,when luncheon is announced1 unless it is a very formal affair1 your hostess leads the way to the dining room1 and she is followed by her guests1 women and men1 not in procession4 ,the men1 of course1 must allow the fairer sex to pass before them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room4 ,luncheon menus consist of oysters1 clams1 or grape fruit with crushed ice and saturated with maraschino for the first course4 ,this is followed by bouillon1 an entree1 a roast or chops with peas1 or broiled chicken1 salad with birds1 ices and fruits1 coffee and liqueurs4 ,sherry and claret are the wines1 and sometimes champagne is served4 ,a luncheon lasts three hours at most1 and the men are left to smoke at dessert4 ,however1 sometimes this formality is waived4 ,dinner invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance4 ,in the ,new ,york season sometimes they are issued a full month before the event4 ,they must1 under all circumstances1 be answered within twenty-four hours1 and cards left on your prospective host and hostess within a week4 ,the fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight o'clock4 ,dinners being formal evening functions1 formal evening dress is essential4 ,except at very small houses and apartments1 two rooms are reserved--one for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms4 ,your hat1 coat1 and outdoor attire are removed1 and a servant will assist you in arranging your toilet4 ,a nefarious practice of feeing these attendants1 even at private houses1 has been somewhat in vogue in a very smart and wealthy set in ,new ,york4 ,it is not good form1 and ,i would advise you against it4 ,the servant who announces you1 hands you a small envelope on which is written your name4 ,this incloses a card on which is the name of the lady whom you are to take in to dinner4 ,after exchanging greetings with your hostess and removing your gloves1 you should endeavor to find your partner and engage in some preliminary conversation4 ,should you not have been presented to her1 inform your hostess of this fact1 and you will be at once introduced4 ,dinner is announced by the butler entering the drawing room and saying1 ,dinner is served4 ,the host leads the way with the woman guest of honor1 and you are assigned your place in the procession by the hostess1 who comes last with the man guest of honor4 ,each man offers his right arm to his fair partner4 ,in the dining room1 cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed thereon4 ,even should there be a retinue of servants1 pull back the chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself4 ,in some old-fashioned houses grace is said1 and it is always the rule when a clergyman is one of the guests4 ,this blessing is asked after the company is seated4 ,during dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment of the woman whom you have taken in4 ,she must be your first care1 although there may be some one on your other side1 or opposite1 who is more congenial to you4 ,talking across the table is very bad form4 ,let your conversation be pleasant and general1 but avoid politics1 religion1 and personal criticisms4 ,there is no form for refusing wine1 if it is against your scruples to drink it4 ,do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by making any demonstration1 such as putting your finger over the glass or shaking your head at the butler4 ,let him fill your glasses1 but do not drink the contents4 ,the question of waste is not to be considered2 and if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence1 in your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do no harm4 ,the hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the drawing room4 ,everybody rises1 and the ladies leave the table in solemn procession1 the man nearest the door opening it for them4 ,a prettier custom1 and one much in vogue in ,new ,york1 is the escorting of the ladies by the men to the drawing room1 the host leading the way4 ,when the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the dining room1 where coffee1 liqueurs1 and cigars are served4 ,at the end of a half hour they return to the drawing room4 ,another half hour of conversation1 during which sometimes there is dancing1 and the guests make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave4 ,on bidding good-night1 always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you have enjoyed4 ,progressive dinners are sometimes given1 although now almost obsolete4 ,small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each table4 ,the guests change places at each course1 the signal for this being given by the hostess ringing a bell4 ,the ladies remain in their seats4 ,as there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course1 a man brings his with him from his first table4 ,public dinners1 except when given by certain church1 debating1 or literary societies1 are stag affairs4 ,the guests assemble at the restaurant1 hotel1 or hall where the banquet is to be held1 and deposit their hats1 coats1 and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom4 ,a ticket is given with the number of your rack upon it1 and a small fee--usually twenty-five cents--is expected4 ,the guests assemble in one of the smaller drawing rooms1 and each one is handed a plan of the tables with the location of his cover designated by his name upon it4 ,a procession is formed1 the guests of honor and reception committee leading1 to the banquet hall4 ,after dessert1 speeches are in order4 ,dinner dances are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by a dance1 other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to take place4 ,a short time after dinner1 at each of the other houses1 the guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages1 or1 better yet1 in stages1 to the general rendezvous4 ,calls are due within the week at the house where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced4 ,supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners4 ,the occasion is a bit more informal and the menu not so elaborate4 ,the etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on ,the ,dance1 and suppers after the play1 at restaurants and clubs1 being favorite bachelor entertainments1 will be explained in that part of this book reserved for the ,bachelor as ,host4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,a ,,code ,,of ,,table ,,manners4 ,many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in their nature4 ,but one expects in a book of this kind to see the old familiar don'ts1 and their absence would perhaps deter from the usefulness of ,the ,complete ,bachelor4 ,i would1 however1 suggest a careful study of that clever brochure1 entitled ,don't1 which would refresh the memory on many points not within the scope of this work4 ,it is really quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners4 ,the ,american is unfortunately too often in a hurry4 ,he bolts his food4 ,he is a victim of the quick-lunch system4 ,again1 a bachelor eating a solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible4 ,drill yourself into eating leisurely4 ,persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time4 ,one can not be too dainty at table4 ,to attempt to talk while your mouth is full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell4 ,the ,french have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are in this condition4 ,i fear there is some foundation for this accusation4 ,wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips4 ,grease stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale witnesses of careless habits4 ,the napkin is an embarrassing article to many men4 ,its place is on the lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck4 ,when one arises from the table1 the napkin is thrown carelessly on it1 unfolded4 ,the days of napkin rings are over4 ,nervous and bashful persons fidget1 they do not sit squarely or firmly at table1 their chairs are crooked1 they play or gesticulate with their knives and forks1 or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their plates4 ,these same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs of the bread1 of which they involuntarily make little figures or small round balls4 ,the economist1 another person on the list1 plasters his food1 taking a bit of potato1 a little tomato1 and a good-sized square of meat as a foundation1 and spreading these tidbits one on the other1 prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful4 ,i pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his clothes4 ,such a being1 ,i have no doubt1 would convey food to his mouth with his knife1 would blow on his soup1 tea1 or coffee with the idea of cooling it1 or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer and drink them therefrom4 ,the caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of reach of others1 also falls under the head of kindergarten classification4 ,the ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies4 ,one commences to eat as soon as served4 ,you need not proceed very actively1 but you can take up your fork or spoon1 as the case may be1 and make at least a feint at it4 ,toasts have also fallen into desuetude at private dinners4 ,sometimes you will find an old-fashioned host who will1 on touching his glass with his lips1 bow to his guests1 and they may wait for this signal to sip their wine1 but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at formal dinners4 ,when you have finished the course1 lay your knife and fork side by side on your plate1 the prongs of the fork upward4 ,do not cross them4 ,no whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had sufficient to eat4 ,dinners are generally served a la ,russe--that is1 from the sideboard1 and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays4 ,very large plats1 such as roasts and fish1 are sometimes carried without the trays4 ,on all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved4 ,carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and in the country1 where sometimes the master of the house shows off this old-fashioned accomplishment1 especially if he has a dining room in colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping4 ,the question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment4 ,the servants pass the viands twice or more around4 ,if a host or hostess serves at table1 he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a second helping4 ,it is never demanded4 ,except when absolutely necessary the handkerchief should be kept out of sight4 ,it can be used in case there should be some sudden irritation of the skin1 but to blow one's nose at table is disgusting4 ,the ,american bachelor takes usually a very light first meal4 ,it consists of tea1 coffee1 or cocoa1 toast1 eggs1 oatmeal1 and fruit4 ,there are yet a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with beefsteak1 buckwheat cakes1 and trimmings1 but in cities the lighter meal is preferable4 ,all this is1 of course1 more a matter of environment and hygiene than etiquette4 ,i have compiled a list of certain viands1 which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only one manner4 ,with this catalogue ,i will close this chapter4 ,,breakfast ,,and ,,luncheon ,,dishes4 ,eggs4--,it is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for boiled eggs4 ,cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon4 ,sugar4--,lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs4 ,butter4--,butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon4 ,it is passed around in a silver dish1 with a little silver pick with which to spear it4 ,butter plates--i4 e41 the small round silver or china affairs--have given place to bread and butter plates1 which are of china and are somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer4 ,the butter plate of a few years ago was never seen outside of ,america1 and is now destined to vanish from our tables4 ,it is needless to add that butter is never served at dinner4 ,radishes4--,radishes appear at luncheon4 ,put them on your bread and butter plate and eat them with a little salt4 ,cantaloupes are served cut in half and filled with ice4 ,they are eaten as a first course1 a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon4 ,salt is the condiment to use with them1 but sugar is allowable4 ,in southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate course between the fish and roast4 ,this is a ,creole custom4 ,grape fruit is served as a first course 7vide chapter ,diner-,out7 at a late breakfast or luncheon4 ,it is eaten with a spoon4 ,,dinner4 ,the menu of to-day is simple4 ,it consists of oysters or clams1 according to season1 soup1 fish1 entree1 roast and vegetables1 game and salad1 ices and dessert4 ,sorbets or frozen punches are not served1 except at public banquets and hotel table-d'hotes4 ,oysters or clams are placed on the table in plates for the purpose before dinner is announced4 ,they are imbedded in ice and arranged around a half-sliced lemon1 which is in the middle of the plate4 ,oysters or clams are eaten with a fork only4 ,gourmets say that they should not even be cut with it1 and should be swallowed whole4 ,i would not advise any one to try this with large oysters4 ,the oyster fork is the first in the number of the implements placed beside your plate4 ,condiments1 such as pepper and salt1 will be passed you4 ,sauterne is served with oysters4 ,oyster cocktails have been in vogue in place of oysters4 ,these are a mixture of the bivalve with ,tabasco sauce and vinegar1 and they are said to be excellent appetizers4 ,they are eaten with a small fork from cocktail glasses4 ,bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters4 ,soup4--,at large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue4 ,your soup spoon will be on the knife side of your plate4 ,soup is eaten from the side and not from the end of the spoon4 ,the motion of the hand guiding the spoon is toward and not from you4 ,take soup in small spoonfuls1 and use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each1 especially if the soup is thick or a puree4 ,this will avoid the dripping of that liquid from your upper lip4 ,never after this operation throw your napkin back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes1 but use the inside of it for this purpose4 ,fish is eaten with a silver fish fork4 ,chasing morsels of fish around your plate with bits of bread is obsolete4 ,silver fish knives have been put in use1 but they are not generally the vogue4 ,cucumbers are served with fish on the same plate4 ,little plates or saucers for cucumbers1 vegetables1 or salads are bad form4 ,sherry is served with fish4 ,celery1 olives1 and salted almonds are placed on the table in small dishes4 ,sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves1 but at formal dinners they are passed around after the fish4 ,celery is eaten with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or on the edge of your plate4 ,it is also served as an entree raw1 the stalks stuffed with ,parmesan cheese4 ,it should then be eaten with a fork4 ,entrees require a fork only4 ,among these are patties1 rissoles1 croquettes1 and sweetbreads4 ,mushrooms are eaten with a fork1 and served as a separate course in lieu of an entree4 ,terrapin is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an entree or as fish1 and again in a chafing dish1 and sometimes with salad4 ,it is more of a supper than a dinner plat1 and should be eaten with a fork4 ,asparagus is eaten1 except in the intimate privacy of your own family circle1 with a fork4 ,cut the points off with the end of the prongs4 ,the stalk or white part is not eaten4 ,it is allowable to eat it with your fingers1 as ,i have said1 in private4 ,it is served after the roast as a special course4 ,one can not drink champagne with asparagus except at the risk of a severe headache4 ,artichokes are served as a separate course after the roast4 ,they should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the leaves alone eaten4 ,the leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped in salt1 sauce vinaigrette1 or melted butter4 ,the center of the artichoke is called the heart4 ,the hairy part is removed with the fork1 and the heart itself1 which is deliciously tender1 is conveyed to the mouth with the fork4 ,champagne is served in small tumblers or claret glasses4 ,the champagne stem glasses are out of fashion4 ,the dry may be served from the fish to the close of dinner1 but the old rule was to give it with the roast1 claret with the entree1 and ,burgundy with the game4 ,salad is eaten with a fork only4 ,in cutting game or poultry1 the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers1 but the meat cut close off4 ,it is better to sever the wing at the joint4 ,savories1 a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich1 is served in ,england hot1 about the end of dinner4 ,they should be eaten with a fork4 ,undressed salad is sometimes served with them1 or radishes1 butter1 and cheese4 ,this is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner table1 and this at informal dinners4 ,the salad undressed can be eaten with the fingers4 ,at bachelor dinners and at luncheons cheese is served with salad4 ,the ,french soft cheeses are the favorites4 ,pastry1 ices1 and desserts are eaten with a fork4 ,fruit1 such as peaches1 pears1 and apples1 are served frequently already pared4 ,when this is the case1 finger bowls are dispensed with1 but as yet this is not a general rule4 ,usually at dessert there is placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate1 with the dessert knife and fork on either side4 ,remove the glass and doily2 put it in front of your plate a little to the right4 ,fruit must be pared or peeled with a silver knife4 ,strawberries are now served with the stems on1 and sugar and cream are passed around and are taken on your dessert plate4 ,pineapples are eaten with a fork4 ,a cracker is used for nuts1 and silver picks are brought in with the dessert4 ,corn on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate course4 ,in polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with your fork or your knife and fork1 and never eat it off the cob holding the end with your fingers4 ,by holding one end with your napkin1 you can plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork1 and you will find that they will fall off easily4 ,corn is always served1 when given in this style1 on a white napkin4 ,you help yourself to the ear with your fingers4 ,macaroni and spaghetti should only be eaten with a fork4 ,in ,new ,orleans boiled shrimps are often served at small dinners4 ,the skins and heads are on1 and you remove these with your fingers4 ,after this course finger bowls with orange leaves are passed around1 and the perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers4 ,black coffee is served after dinner4 ,milk or cream does not accompany it1 except in the country1 where sometimes a little silver pitcher of cream is placed on the tray4 ,coffee is drunk from small cups4 ,coffee and milk are never served during dinner1 nor again is iced milk4 ,these are barbarisms4 ,chartreuse1 kuemmel1 curacoa1 and cognac are the liqueurs usually served after dinner4 ,claret1 in many ,french families1 especially those of the middle class1 is placed on the table in decanters4 ,you are expected to help yourself4 ,there are also carafons or decanters of water to mix with the wine4 ,the claret decanters are called carafes4 ,claret is drunk at the twelve o'clock dejeuner as well as at dinner4 ,tea is passed around in old-fashioned ,english houses about an hour after dinner4 ,in some places buttered muffins accompany it1 but this extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses4 ,scotch whisky and hot water or mineral waters are served in country houses before bedtime4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,the ,,city ,,bachelor ,,as ,,host4 ,,luncheons1 ,,dinners1 ,,theater ,,parties1 ,,club ,,and ,,restaurant ,,suppers1 ,,and ,,other ,,bachelor ,,entertainments4 ,the bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society4 ,it does not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once received1 and every man1 even if his income be limited1 can once in a while entertain1 even if it be on a very small scale and in a very modest way4 ,bachelor functions are always enjoyable4 ,for a host of moderate income1 ,i would suggest a luncheon1 a dinner1 or a party to the play1 followed by a little supper4 ,a bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or chambers1 at a restaurant1 or in the ladies' annex of his club1 if that organization possesses such an institution4 ,at all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree1 extreme simplicity should be a characteristic4 ,the table linen should be of the finest damask1 or the best material his income will allow2 the glass perfectly plain1 clear crystal1 the china of a rich but quiet pattern1 the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of any kind4 ,in fact1 the silver can be limited to forks and spoons1 and the rest ,sheffield or prince's plate4 ,silver is not expensive1 but plate is considered quite smart1 and it has the advantage of being utterly valueless from the burglar's point of view4 ,individual salt and pepper affairs1 cut or colored glass1 or the hundred and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find their way to the boarding-house table1 are vulgar4 ,before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over the table1 so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen4 ,in the center goes a silver or plated fernery1 filled with ferns and asparagus vines1 on a mirror tray1 or an epergne with fruit4 ,two heavy1 old-fashioned decanters in ,queen ,anne coasters should be placed1 one at your right and the other at the right of your vis-a-vis4 ,these contain sherry and claret4 ,four plain silver1 plated1 or china dishes are at the corners with salted almonds1 olives1 bonbons1 and fancy cakes4 ,if you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare1 it is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover4 ,two or three forks are laid at the left of each plate4 ,if more are required1 your servant will replace them4 ,on the right of the plate are the knives1 including one for the roast1 with the tablespoon for the soup1 if it is a dinner1 and the oyster fork4 ,the napkins should be plain and flat1 and contain a roll of bread4 ,these hints for arranging the table will do for either luncheon or dinner4 ,not one of the articles is in itself expensive1 and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years4 ,if not1 a simpler arrangement could be effected1 or you could give the entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house4 ,the invitations can be either verbal or written1 but at best a luncheon or dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic1 and you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities4 ,a chaperon1 of course1 is necessary4 ,the party can be limited to about eight4 ,if you have a manservant he should be dressed in black coat and trousers1 white shirt1 standing collar and tie1 and liveried waistcoat4 ,his duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon4 ,but a manservant is not necessary4 ,some of the smartest bachelors in ,new ,york give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments1 at which the maid who has cooked the meal1 dressed in white apron and black gown1 also serves it4 ,the menu should be the usual one expected at luncheons1 but champagne is never offered by a man to women in his apartments1 unless at dinner or a theater supper4 ,if a wealthy bachelor has a large house1 and instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning1 the case is different4 ,manhattan or ,martini cocktails could be passed around before luncheon1 or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the occasion4 ,a bachelor's dinner at his house or apartments is a more formal entertainment1 but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that character4 ,the chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for that occasion4 ,dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women1 and the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner4 ,if the affair is given in apartments1 of course the character must be more or less informal1 as the accommodations are limited4 ,should you have a man serve at your dinner1 he must be in evening dress4 ,both at dinner and at luncheon he must have gloves1 but this is not required of a maid4 ,a bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the play4 ,of the menu1 ,i will speak a little farther on4 ,a chafing-dish supper is1 however1 an unique and enjoyable entertainment4 ,several chafing dishes should be ready1 so that each course can follow without delay4 ,terrapin1 truffled eggs1 curried oysters1 and other dainties of this kind comprise usually the menu4 ,it would be well to serve first oysters on the half shell1 followed by lobster a la ,newburg1 the latter being the first plat cooked with the chafing dish4 ,champagne is a good wine1 and allowable for a chafing-dish supper2 but if ,welsh rarebits are the chef d'oeuvre1 then beer or ale would be better4 ,a theater party should be confined to eight or ten4 ,a parti carre--four people--is delightful4 ,unmarried women do not go to theaters or restaurants with a man alone4 ,they must be chaperoned1 even at a matinee or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant--in fact1 an unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in ,new ,york1 unless they are engaged1 and married women are as much compromised as unmarried ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette4 ,the invitations can be either verbal or written4 ,in the season it is better to write them1 to insure the acceptance of guests4 ,be careful in the wording to give not only the evening1 but the name of the play and the theater4 ,for a party1 always secure end seats1 and there will be no disturbing of others in case you might be a little late4 ,a box is necessary at the circus or at a music hall1 but orchestra seats or stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party4 ,many mothers object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box4 ,the rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's4 ,the vestibule of the theater is awkward1 except for parties of four4 ,a stage is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse4 ,at the theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills4 ,he gives the tickets to the usher1 and precedes the party down the aisle4 ,he indicates the order of sitting4 ,a man should go in first1 followed by the woman with whom he is to sit1 and then1 thus sandwiched1 the rest of the party file in1 the host taking the aisle or end seat4 ,the host sits next to the chaperon4 ,gentlemen do not go out between the acts at the theater1 but sometimes1 when there is a party to the opera1 they can leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies4 ,a man going in or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and his back to the seat4 ,a host never leaves his guests4 ,after the play go a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as possible1 so that there may not be a long wait4 ,the porter expects a small fee4 ,all theater parties are followed by a supper given either at a restaurant1 at the club1 in the ladies' annex1 or at your bachelor apartments4 ,all luncheons1 dinners1 or suppers at a restaurant1 unless organized on the spur of the moment1 are ordered beforehand1 and everything1 including the waiter's tip1 arranged and settled for4 ,if you have not an account at the restaurant1 pay the bill at the time you order the menu and reserve the table4 ,flowers should be included1 and a centerpiece of roses1 which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in bunches to each of your fair guests1 is one of the favorite devices4 ,small boutonnieres are provided for the men4 ,the public restaurant or dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests4 ,a private room is not proper1 and your guests want to see and be seen4 ,the chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host1 unless the party is given in honor of a particular woman1 in which case she has that place4 ,the chaperon is then at your left4 ,wraps and coats are taken off in the hall of the restaurant and checked4 ,there is no order of entry1 except that the host should precede and the others follow4 ,the usual menu for a theater supper is3 ,i4 ,clams or oysters on the half shell4 ,,ii4 ,bouillon in cups4 ,,iii4 ,chicken croquettes or sweetbreads with peas1 or lobster a la ,newburg4 ,,iv4 ,terrapin or birds with salad4 ,v4 ,ices1 cakes1 cafe noir1 bonbons4 ,,vi4 ,liqueurs4 ,with the oysters or clams white wine is served4 ,champagne follows the bouillon until the end of the supper4 ,after supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon1 where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting them4 ,the host accompanies them to the chaperon's house1 but the other men take leave at the restaurant4 ,the chaperon may have it arranged to have dancing at her house1 in which case the party return with her after supper4 ,a supper in the ladies' annex in nowise differs from this1 except that you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill1 but have it charged in your monthly account4 ,the menu for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as those already given4 ,theater clubs are associations of women and men1 all subscribing1 meeting at the houses of different members1 one of whom gives the supper4 ,bachelors' dances or balls are given at a large hall by a number of unmarried men1 who subscribe a certain amount each4 ,a number of well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests1 and a cotillon usually follows the supper4 ,impromptu lunches1 dinners1 or suppers at restaurants sometimes require the immediate settlement of the account4 ,be careful to draw from your pocketbook a bill of large denomination1 and not a handful of change4 ,do not con over or dispute the items4 ,if you have an account1 simply sign the check4 ,if not1 it is best to give the waiter his tip and go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their wraps4 ,dinners at restaurants are frequently given by bachelors1 and are followed by a visit to the theater4 ,the rendezvous is either at the house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself1 should the party be limited in number4 ,the menu varies according to the season4 ,six courses1 including raw oysters or clams1 soup1 fish1 entree1 roast and vegetables1 birds and salad1 ices and dessert1 are sufficient4 ,the form and manner of entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at suppers4 ,to a man who frequently entertains1 and at a particular restaurant1 an occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service4 ,this is a word to the wise4 ,card parties for the playing of whist1 domino1 or poker are often given by bachelors at their apartments or residences4 ,in apartments this class of entertainment is only for men4 ,women should not go to bachelors' apartments except for luncheon1 dinner1 or supper4 ,in a bachelor's house1 however1 any entertainment can be given4 ,small stakes are played for and the usual supper follows4 ,the farewell bachelor dinner will have its proper place in the chapter on ,wedding ,etiquette4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,the ,,country ,,house4 ,,the ,,bachelor ,,as ,,host4--,,the ,,bachelor ,,as ,,guest4 ,bachelors1 whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions1 can have some kind of a country house4 ,it may be a fishing lodge1 a hunting box1 maintained by three or four men clubbing together2 a small cottage plainly and simply furnished at the seashore1 near golf links1 or in a good neighborhood2 or again a large establishment1 a villa at ,newport or in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled with horses4 ,whichever it might be1 open hospitality1 as much as it is in your power1 should prevail4 ,however1 never attempt anything more than you can accomplish1 and by all means do not run into debt4 ,to a fishing or hunting lodge men only should be invited4 ,it should be furnished with the mere necessaries1 and hung with fishing and hunting prints and trophies of the chase4 ,the hall serves as sitting and even mess room4 ,a man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants4 ,ample supplies are sent from town1 but the leading idea is roughing it1 and the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you and your friends4 ,when the term of the visit of your guests expires1 each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game4 ,from time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from your preserves4 ,these attentions are much appreciated4 ,a truck farm or a small country place near town1 which may have either fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased1 or which you have for kennels or for your horses1 can also be used for entertaining4 ,even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing is substantially the same4 ,there should be a masculine note throughout the entire scheme4 ,the furniture should be old-fashioned1 and the pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings4 ,there should be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place4 ,it should look as if it were verily ,liberty ,hall4 ,a tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a tennis court laid out4 ,a picnic is the popular form in which bachelors who have such a possession may entertain4 ,some fifty to one hundred people can be invited1 and a special train or boat1 if the place is too far from the city for a drive1 chartered for their accommodation4 ,the invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would leave the city4 ,stages await the guests at the country station and bring them up to the house4 ,cocktails1 drinkables1 claret cup1 tea1 and sandwiches are served on their arrival4 ,there should be no fixed programme of amusement4 ,luncheon1 or luncheon and dinner both1 according to the length of stay1 could be served1 and the menu should embrace a few courses of country fare4 ,dancing in the barn during the afternoon will be another form of entertainment1 or if you wish to give an elaborate entertainment1 vaudeville performers might be hired for the hour after luncheon4 ,in a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess4 ,one of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and well-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at the disposition of his guests4 ,a bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests4 ,a drag1 three-seated surrey1 or a station van would be the smart vehicle4 ,i am now writing of a man of large means4 ,the method of entertaining should be the ,english one1 without any fixed programme for the days of the guests' stay4 ,only when there is shooting1 the party is expected to assemble in the morning4 ,if there is a local club1 your men guests should be put up at it1 and the entire party made visiting members of the neighboring casino4 ,the rest is conveyed in the advice to have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much as possible4 ,in these houses there is much drinking1 possibly1 and perhaps cards1 but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to resist temptation1 and to stand by his convictions4 ,one word more1 and this applies to many country houses1 if not all of them4 ,see that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap1 hair and clothes' brushes1 and toilet articles4 ,the desk should be filled with letter paper and envelopes1 and if you want to appear very fashionable1 the stationery should have the name of your place in blue or red letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet4 ,many convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water1 cigarettes1 cigars1 and the inevitable decanter4 ,when you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's traps4 ,do not be surprised1 however1 if you do not find this accommodation4 ,it is considered very ,english1 ,i know not why1 to allow bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at the station or landing4 ,you are received by your host1 and after refreshment are shown to your room4 ,if you arrive late in the afternoon you do not see your hostess1 but dress for dinner and find her in the drawing room when you go downstairs4 ,you are expected to conform to the rules of the house as to the hours for meals1 and to place yourself at the service of your hostess4 ,you must certainly appear at any function which has been arranged for you1 and it is very impolite to accept1 during your stay1 any outside invitation to any affair to which your host and hostess have not also been asked4 ,if you have a valet you may bring him with you1 but you must certainly notify your host of this intention4 ,few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary for outside servants4 ,tipping is demoralizing1 but it is an accepted custom4 ,on your departure after a short stay1 at ,newport or a very fashionable resort1 the servant who attends you should have five dollars1 the butler five dollars1 the coachman five dollars1 and the chambermaid two dollars4 ,at smaller places five dollars altogether1 judiciously distributed1 is ample1 or a dollar each to three of the servants4 ,the first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the servant attending you for the others4 ,all this is a question of resources1 and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large country houses in the ,east and ,north because they can not afford the tips4 ,in ,england1 when one is invited to the shooting1 one tips the gamekeeper one to five pounds1 according to the extent of the bag and duration of visit4 ,the usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is from ,friday or ,saturday until ,monday4 ,it has often been a puzzle to them as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should carry4 ,at most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a hatbox4 ,for an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient4 ,in your valise must be placed your evening clothes1 and if the party is to be somewhat of an informal one1 ,i would also take my dinner jacket4 ,if you are going to a very fashionable resort1 a black frock coat1 waistcoat1 and fancy trousers would not be amiss1 but in that case you would have also to take a hatbox for your top hat4 ,of recent years men in the country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy in the details of dress4 ,even at garden parties1 at church1 and at afternoon teas during the month of ,august at ,newport1 which is1 after all1 only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for the summer1 you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat4 ,unless you are sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively required1 ,i would not take them1 especially on so short a visit4 ,the linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and a colored shirt for each morning1 half a dozen handkerchiefs1 two complete changes of underclothes1 three pairs of ordinary and two pairs of black silk hose1 and a pair of pyjamas4 ,take three of your ties for day wear and four white lawn for evening1 and one black in case you are to use your dinner jacket4 ,slippers for the bedroom and pumps for evening wear should complete the clothing carried1 unless you take your frock coat1 when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear with afternoon dress4 ,i have given rather a liberal allowance of articles for a short stay1 but one must be prepared for accidents or emergencies4 ,it is better to take an extra shirt1 or a change of underclothes1 or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use1 so that some contretemps would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience4 ,in the absence of a dressing case1 care must be taken of the articles for the toilet4 ,the tooth1 nail1 and shaving brushes1 the sponges and washrags1 should be packed in little waterproof silk bags1 which can be obtained at a small price at any chemist's4 ,your host or hostess should provide you with soap1 but ,i would not take the risk4 ,i should bring my own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper4 ,your shaving articles1 a shoehorn1 button hook1 nail file1 small pair of nail scissors1 tooth powder1 or listerine should not be forgotten4 ,the large articles1 your combs and your brushes1 can all be wrapped separately in tissue paper4 ,it would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for your hostess4 ,if you are asked to play golf1 it might be more convenient to travel in your golf togs1 which would serve as a lounge suit4 ,but in that case a pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat1 or an entire lounge suit should be carried1 as on ,sunday you would be very uncomfortable in golf dress1 and somewhat out of place4 ,or you might put your knickers in the bag1 and wear the coat and waistcoat with long trousers4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,servants4 ,as soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an apartment or a house or a country establishment1 though the latter be only a fishing or a hunting box1 he must hire servants4 ,the general servant is perhaps the one most universally employed4 ,many bachelors hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking1 but takes care of the apartment1 valets him1 and waits at table when he has guests to dinner4 ,others employ a man to look after them1 who is valet and general factotum1 and others again1 with larger establishments1 a man and wife4 ,the former does the valeting1 the waiting1 and is steward and butler1 while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry4 ,there are quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large cities1 the occupants being several in number and clubbing together4 ,one is appointed treasurer1 and the butler and cook are hired at a stated price and receive a certain sum for catering4 ,when good servants of this kind are found they are treasures4 ,all menservants should be clean shaven4 ,a short bit of side whiskers--a la mutton chop--is allowed2 but under no circumstances should they have bearded faces or wear a mustache4 ,their linen and attire should be faultless4 ,in the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron will4 ,he can be kind and considerate1 but he must never descend to dispute with one1 and certainly not swear at him4 ,to be on familiar terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity4 ,discharge a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his duties or in his conduct4 ,when asking for anything there is no necessity of forgetting the elements of true politeness1 nor is it a blot on your deportment to utter a civil thank you for a service performed4 ,all servants should address you as ,sir1 and when called should reply ,yes1 sir1 and certainly not ,all right4 ,your menservants touch their hats to you on receiving orders in the open1 on being addressed1 and upon your appearance4 ,encourage your servants now and then by a kind word1 and see that they have good and wholesome food1 clean and comfortable quarters4 ,once in a while give them a holiday1 or an evening off1 a cash remembrance at ,christmas1 and from time to time some part of your wardrobe or cast-off clothing4 ,they are just like children1 and must be treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses toward his pupils4 ,in all their movements they should be noiseless and as automatic as possible in their actions4 ,and now for particular servants hired by a bachelor3 ,the groom is1 with the exception of the general servant1 the first domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate means4 ,when a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too particular about his turnouts and his liveries4 ,the groom in the city or at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries--one for dress occasions and the other for what is known as a stable suit4 ,the latter1 which is a simple ,english tweed or whipcord1 made with a cutaway coat of the same material1 will answer perfectly well for the country1 where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries4 ,a square brown ,derby is worn with this suit1 brown ,english driving gloves1 and a white plastron or coachman's scarf4 ,this flat scarf is the badge of distinction between the house and stable servant4 ,no tie pin nor trinkets of any description should be allowed servants4 ,the best dress livery is a frock coat1 single-breasted1 of kersey1 the color of your livery2 white buckskin riding breeches1 top boots1 top hat1 white plastron1 standing collar1 and brown driving gloves4 ,one distinctive color should be used1 not only for your liveries but also for your traps1 as well as one kind of harness4 ,the cockade on the hat is the privilege abroad of ambassadors2 it is bad form4 ,besides the care of your horse or horses1 your groom must be a species of outside general servant1 ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a manservant about a country place4 ,by no means can he be substituted for a valet1 a butler1 or an indoor servant4 ,when he brings your trap to the door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated1 when he touches his hat and lets go the reins4 ,if he is to sit behind in the trap he must hold himself upright with folded arms4 ,he alights immediately the trap is stopped1 running all errands1 and holding the horses until the drive is resumed4 ,he sometimes accompanies his master when the latter rides4 ,he brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount4 ,he follows1 occasionally1 on another horse at a respectful distance4 ,should you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman1 your groom can act as second man on the box4 ,a coachman's dress livery consists of a double-breasted long coachman's coat1 top boots1 and buckskin breeches1 white flat plastron1 high collar and top hat1 and brown driving gloves4 ,when both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the coachman as regards the stable work4 ,the ,valet4--,of course a valet is a luxury4 ,a man can valet himself very easily1 and if the instructions given in the chapters on the ,care of ,clothes and ,the ,toilet are followed carefully1 ,i hardly think that you would need such a personage4 ,a woman can be perfectly trained to valet a man4 ,your general servant can also1 and is required to fill this position4 ,if you live at a club the club valet will attend to your clothes1 and perform the duties of a private servant4 ,there are valeting companies organized in many large cities1 which take entire charge of your wardrobe1 and again there are valets who are hired by several men clubbing together1 and who are very capable servants4 ,the individual valet1 however1 is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of wealth1 especially if he is a man of leisure1 or if he goes out a great deal in society4 ,a valet's duties are first and principally the entire charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet1 the details of which have been given in previous chapters4 ,they begin an hour or so before the master rises1 when clothes are to be pressed and put in order1 boots and shoes to be polished and placed on their trees1 and the costume of the day to be made ready4 ,if possible1 a small room is provided for him as his workshop4 ,at the hour for rising1 the valet enters his master's room very quietly1 and1 if he is awake1 pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight4 ,the bath is then prepared1 and while that is being taken the newspapers1 mail1 and breakfast tray are brought in1 and the valet waits for orders4 ,some men require their valets to shave them1 but the majority simply intrust the care of their razors to them1 preferring to perform that operation themselves4 ,the valet assists his master in dressing1 and1 when the toilet is finished1 ties or buttons the boots1 arranges the spats1 and gives a final brush to the clothes4 ,he then fetches the stick1 gloves1 and hat4 ,during the day he may be employed on errands1 in answering tradespeople1 in paying bills1 or in any minor occupations of that kind4 ,a first-class servant of this character should not only be steward but secretary4 ,when writing letters for his master he should write them in the third person1 and also sign them ,respectfully yours1 ,,john ,,smith1 valet4 ,a valet is told of the engagements of the day1 and has the clothes arranged accordingly1 and he must be at his post4 ,in the evening the dress suit is laid out1 with choice of ties and two coats1 the formal and informal1 or ,tuxedo4 ,a valet must be at the rooms when his master retires4 ,in traveling he takes care of the luggage1 tickets1 and all the little annoying details4 ,he travels second class abroad1 and in this country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room car with his master4 ,the valet wears no livery4 ,he dresses quietly in a plain sack suit of dark material1 and wears a ,derby hat4 ,should he be required to wait on table1 he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a luncheon1 and in evening dress if it is a dinner4 ,the butler is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment1 only the wealthiest being able to afford him4 ,the valet or general servant acts as butler1 and when in this position he should always have a black coat on when answering the bell4 ,i have used the terms throughout this chapter of master and servant4 ,employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the two persons are not of a domestic character4 ,the most fashionable and efficient menservants are of ,english1 ,scotch1 or ,irish birth or descent4 ,japanese make excellent valets4 ,colored coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in ,new ,york or vicinity1 but they are seen in the ,south4 ,very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for ,east ,indian servants1 but at present only a few of these have been employed1 and those at ,newport4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,the ,,dance4 ,this is certainly a most important subject1 and one which can not be lightly treated4 ,i have thought it better to use exclusively the ,new ,york forms1 which differ somewhat from the ,english1 the ,french1 and continental1 as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in other ,american cities4 ,i shall therefore1 as we have no ,state balls or ceremonials of that character1 consider public assemblages1 a few of which are patronized by society in ,new ,york and elsewhere4 ,of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the ,charity4 ,in ,new ,york this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity1 although efforts are being made to revive it4 ,in ,chicago and in other cities it is still a very fashionable function4 ,it is there well patronized and is considered smart4 ,tickets to the ,charity are sold by a number of lady patronesses1 and you are apt to receive one or several from some of them1 if you are a rich young man1 with a request to purchase4 ,if the note states that you are expected to be a guest you are simply to answer it1 as you would any other invitation1 and certainly not to inclose any money4 ,patronesses frequently are named because it is expected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets4 ,and here let me give a useful hint4 ,in sending money to this and for charitable entertainments in general1 always do it by check2 never inclose bills4 ,if you must use cash1 keep it for your small tradespeople4 ,everything may be said to have its price at a ,charity ,ball4 ,supper is sometimes included with the ticket4 ,the repast is usually rather poor1 but then you must remember it is for charity4 ,perhaps you will be asked some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the grand march4 ,the grand march proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated to balls of the ,tough ,boys' ,coterie and other assemblages of the same class4 ,but it has survived1 in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor1 at the ,charity ,ball1 and we have either to go through with it or watch it from the boxes with ,christian patience4 ,if you are to take part1 ,i would advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house about nine o'clock4 ,the floor manager will do the rest4 ,you are to offer your left arm to the lady you are taking out1 and you march around the place in regular line1 sometimes once1 sometimes twice1 and the agony is over4 ,the company assembled does not join in this ceremony1 and the formation of figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of a different class1 which ,i should imagine none of my readers would patronize or even hear tell of1 except through the newspapers4 ,the ,inauguration ,ball in ,washington1 as well as the ,new ,years' receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses1 are public functions to which the populace get admittance4 ,they are crushes of the worst description1 and at many of them refreshments are served4 ,except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess--if to the ,president1 shaking hands with him--no other ceremony is needed4 ,at ,newport and at other watering places there are during the season semipublic dances at the ,casino4 ,any one who subscribes to that place of amusement is entitled to all the social privileges4 ,the tickets can be obtained from the secretary or his agent4 ,in every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines of the ,patriarchs and ,matriarchs in ,new ,york4 ,this is in itself not original with the ,four ,hundred--vulgar term6--but was copied from the ,st4 ,cecilia1 the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic ,charleston1 where it has existed since the days of the ,revolution4 ,the assemblies proper in ,new ,york are called the ,matriarchs4 ,the arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead of men4 ,the plan of all these organizations is practically the same4 ,in order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the intricacies of a fashionable ball1 ,i will suppose that he is a stranger in ,new ,york1 with some smart friends1 and that he is going either to the ,patriarchs' or to the ,assembly4 ,the rules laid down will hold good for other cities4 ,your first intimation may be while visiting at the house of one of the patrons or patronesses1 when your hostess or host may ask you if you would like to go to the ,assembly or the ,patriarchs'4 ,if you have no other engagement for that evening--and ,i think it would be policy for you to make others subservient to this--you should reply that you would be delighted to do so4 ,your host or hostess will then say that he or she will send you a ticket4 ,this may be one way1 or you may receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date1 whether would you like to go to the ,assembly8 etc41 or again1 you might simply receive a note with a ticket4 ,in any one of these cases1 just as soon as you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately1 accepting1 or1 if you can not go1 regretting and returning it4 ,you must remember that all tickets are personal and each ,patriarch or each patroness has only a certain number4 ,i would1 if there were time between the date for the ball and the reception of your ticket1 call or leave cards personally on your hostess or host for the evening1 according to rules in a former chapter4 ,i do not believe this is considered necessary in ,new ,york1 and perhaps some people would think you were straining a point1 but ,new ,york society manners to-day are not all that could be desired4 ,the evening arrives4 ,balls and dances are theoretically supposed to begin at ten o'clock4 ,you can safely go a little after eleven4 ,you will be early enough4 ,your ticket is received1 your hat and coat removed1 your hat check given1 and you proceed to the ballroom4 ,it is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion4 ,at dances of any kind1 formal evening dress is required4 ,on entering the room1 if it is at the ,assembly1 you will encounter a line of patronesses4 ,you should make a low1 sweeping bow to them and1 if convenient1 speak to your hostess1 be it only a few words of greeting4 ,if not at that time1 select a later hour in the evening4 ,no one shakes hands4 ,you look around to find your friends and acquaintances4 ,at the ,patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform1 or dais1 ,i might call it1 all together4 ,their charges1 once away from them1 are around the rooms4 ,in nearly all the cities1 except ,new ,york1 every guest is provided with a dancing card1 which makes the keeping of dancing engagements a part of the festivity4 ,new ,york is too large for such things1 and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuous desuetude4 ,however1 if you are at a ball or a dance in another city where they are used1 your first duty would be to have your engagements filled4 ,you should remain with your partner after each dance until her next cavalier appears4 ,new ,yorkers are sensible1 if only for this reason1 for having banished the dance card4 ,it is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her1 but ,i think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to your succeeding partner4 ,a woman who has so little regard for you and such selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled with gloves4 ,and yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowded ballroom1 even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon4 ,in ,new ,york everything is simplified4 ,there exist no such social complications4 ,everybody is more or less grouped together1 and you generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends4 ,you exchange greetings with the women you know1 and if you wish to ask one of them to dance1 you say1 ,may ,i have the pleasure of this turn with you8 or ,can ,i have a turn with you8 ,it is absolutely impossible to keep dance engagements1 and you are obliged1 perhaps1 to snatch a dance whenever you can get it4 ,after your turn you must always manage to stop at about the point where you began4 ,you will be sure to find your partner's chaperon just at that place4 ,there are two reasons for this--one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks1 if not months1 before 7one has to do this in ,new ,york7 to dance the cotillon has reserved his chairs there1 and she has told many of her friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found2 and another is that ,new ,york women1 under all circumstances1 keep a distinctive place in a ballroom4 ,a gentleman never dances without gloves4 ,he always puts them on before entering the ballroom4 ,a man should dance easily and gracefully1 and look as if he were enjoying himself4 ,he should be careful about guiding and not running into people4 ,swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly4 ,the waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing1 but there is every now and then a revival of the polka4 ,two steps and fancy dances are the vogue at summer hotels1 but not at smart functions4 ,the quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers1 and some years ago it was a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures4 ,a little life and spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering is small1 and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it4 ,the barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in ,america1 but our ,english cousins1 especially those living in the country and in ,suburbia1 are very fond of it4 ,balls frequently end with ,sir ,roger de ,coverley1 the ,english form of the ,virginia reel4 ,about two o'clock supper is announced1 and this is done all over the world1 ,i believe1 by the strains of the ,priests' ,march in ,norma4 ,so it was in my grandfather's day1 and so it is to-day and was at the very last ,patriarchs'1 the very last ,assembly1 and the very last large ball at ,newport4 ,engagements for supper are made in ,new ,york weeks or even months beforehand4 ,you should settle this with your partner1 and as supper is served at tables of parties of four or six1 an agreeable quartette or sextette can be secured4 ,parties are never less than four1 and a girl who sups alone with a man1 even at the ,patriarchs'1 is considered very fast1 and by such impudent behavior would lose caste4 ,you should arrange with your partner1 therefore1 to be as near the supper-room door as possible about the supper hour4 ,there is always a rush and a crush1 and no tables are reserved except those for the patronesses or the ,patriarchs4 ,two of the party should get in early and reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive4 ,ball suppers are nearly all alike4 ,four or five courses1 which commence with oysters1 are followed by bouillon1 and then terrapin and birds1 and salad and ices1 fruit and coffee4 ,three kinds of wine are served1 and champagne forms the chief4 ,many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go to supper without being chaperoned1 and so when you ask your partner she will sometimes have her parents obtain the table4 ,should you be asked to the table of one of the patronesses1 you will have a partner provided for you4 ,remember the first engagement should always be kept1 and if a patroness should honor you with such an invitation1 and you have made prior arrangements1 you should at once explain by note your position1 which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess4 ,after supper the cotillon1 or ,german1 as it is sometimes called1 is danced4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,the ,,cotillon4 ,at large balls1 like the ,patriarchs'1 there is hardly time for more than two or three figures and one favor figure4 ,it is almost useless for me to go into the history of the cotillon1 and ,i do not believe that it would be of any service to my readers4 ,we imported it from ,france about the same time as the ,english1 and it owes its origin1 ,i believe1 to ,germany4 ,for the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance4 ,it is picturesque and amusing1 and1 besides1 gives the opportunity for the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by the generosity of the host4 ,at large semipublic balls like the ,patriarchs' 7,i use semipublic simply because given by a number and not in a private house7 the favors are very simple1 but at special cotillons or at those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate and costly4 ,cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening by tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs4 ,at the ,patriarchs' and other large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of the stewards1 as each ,patriarch has so many reserved for him1 and the man invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of his host's seats4 ,but this is not usual1 and is known as a little trick of the trade4 ,to be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the tact of a general--,i might almost say of a ,napoleon ,bonaparte4 ,one's talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes4 ,the leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian4 ,he must see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn1 and that every one gets at least one favor4 ,as he has to marshal a large force of people he is bound to find among them--of course in the orthodox society manner--a few turbulent spirits1 a few who would mutiny1 and who must be taught their places in a conciliatory but positive manner4 ,the cotillon in ,new ,york is generally danced after supper4 ,it lasts about two hours4 ,at large balls two figures are all that can be danced1 owing to the number of guests4 ,sometimes it is led by two couples4 ,a leader frequently dances stag--that is1 without a partner4 ,all men dancing without partners are called stags4 ,these usually have their place by the door and are given their turn last4 ,the leader must announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin4 ,he must see that the partners are all in their places4 ,the favor table is generally placed at the end of the room opposite the doors1 but this depends on the shape and the style of the apartment4 ,formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures2 to-day1 however1 he simply claps his hands to denote the changes4 ,it is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon4 ,it consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas1 danced by eight1 ten1 or twelve couples at a time4 ,the couples are seated in chairs around the room1 the men without partners known as the stags being near the door4 ,the leader begins the first figure1 which is usually the simplest one1 by taking out or choosing a partner and motioning the first four1 six1 or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of the room to rise4 ,all waltz4 ,after a turn around the room the leader stops and claps his hands4 ,the partners all separate1 and each of them goes and chooses a new one--the man a new woman1 the woman who was his partner a new man4 ,the figure is then arranged and danced4 ,after the evolution required by the figure is finished there is another short waltz1 and the dancers return to their places4 ,the leader then calls out the next party1 and this is repeated until every one in the room has had a turn4 ,the stags are called out last4 ,having no partners to dance with1 each has the privilege of taking out two ladies--the first before the figure is formed1 and the second when the change of partners is signalled by the leader4 ,the leader directs the figures and dances all the time4 ,every second figure is one for the distribution of favors4 ,the same procedure occurs1 and when the leader claps his hands the dancers separate1 waiting for the favors to be distributed4 ,the latest custom is for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors1 to the couples whose turn comes next4 ,he gives to the ladies1 she to the men4 ,the scramble at the favor table has been abolished4 ,the men present their favors to the new partners whom they select1 and the women do likewise4 ,it is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon4 ,favors must be sufficient in quantity not only to go once all around1 but there should be some left over1 as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double chance to bestow favors upon men4 ,the most graceful way of offering a favor is to present it with a little bow4 ,try and locate the places where your friends are sitting4 ,it is certainly rude1 if not tantalizing1 to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor4 ,it is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the local geography4 ,matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables1 but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a sedan chair of flowers1 at which two powdered lackeys are stationed1 like the linkboys of old4 ,originality1 however1 has not been rampant in cotillons4 ,favor figures are the most popular4 ,the woman who brings the greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph4 ,she comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted1 carrying with her the trophies of her victory1 which she is pleased to call her scalps4 ,social obligations are often paid off by men in this way4 ,of the few cotillon figures danced in ,new ,york society1 the grand chain is the most popular and the simplest4 ,the number of couples called by the leader form themselves in a ring around the room4 ,at his signal they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain1 the men to the right and the women to the left1 until the original parties are brought together1 when all waltz4 ,the ,sir ,roger de ,coverley figure is formed in lines of four abreast1 the men standing together on the inside1 and the women next to their partners on the outside of the line4 ,when the leader signals1 the women advance quickly1 one after the other1 to the head of the line4 ,the men then join hands1 forming an arch1 as in ,sir ,roger de ,coverley2 the women1 passing under two by two1 meeting their partners1 waltz with them4 ,in the snake figure--one which is very seldom danced--quite a large number of couples are called1 who form a ring around the room4 ,the leader1 taking the hand of one of the men1 breaks the chain1 and the couples are wound around until they come together in a knot1 when the signal is given to them to waltz4 ,the wheel figure is somewhat similar1 and is quite a romp4 ,in the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers4 ,rings of four couples form through the room4 ,the men raise their arms and the women pass through1 dancing with the men in the next ring1 and so on1 until they get to the top of the room1 the men remaining stationary4 ,then a grand march1 men to the left1 ladies to the right1 is formed1 and the partners meet and dance4 ,the ,maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or papier-mache articles are not in vogue in ,new ,york4 ,in ,paris these trifles1 such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws1 pass for favors1 as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon4 ,in ,new ,york very handsome souvenirs have superseded these4 ,frequently in large cotillons in ,new ,york the blank or nonfavor figures are danced only once without change of partners1 as in the snake or grand chain2 otherwise the cotillon would be interminable4 ,the leader calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once1 the original partners dancing all the time with each other4 ,i have given both forms1 and although the first explanation may seem to those who go out every year antiquated1 it is still the vogue for small and consequently enjoyable cotillons4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,letters4 ,letter writing is an art1 and there is no pleasure equal to that of receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear friend4 ,i have some packets of letters preserved to-day that ,i read and reread4 ,they are always fresh and interesting to me4 ,they are a complete index to the character of the writer1 and they serve1 after long years have passed1 to bring up again delightful pictures of days and scenes which were brighter4 ,however1 there is one rule a man must observe3 never keep a compromising letter--if you should receive one--especially from a woman4 ,sometimes women are foolish and careless1 and they allow their pens to run away with them4 ,they bitterly regret their folly1 and the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters which would bring serious trouble1 if not ruin1 upon them and those they love1 is a cause of constant grief and worry4 ,i know that there are letters written by one once dear1 but now perhaps turned fickle or false1 or separated from us forever1 from which we feel loath to part2 but we must be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman4 ,suppose you were to die suddenly1 and among your papers these letters were found1 with you alone1 dumb in death1 perhaps1 only able to vindicate the unfortunate writer4 ,we must think of those things4 ,they belong to the personnel not only of a true gentleman1 but they appeal to our common sense4 ,character is frequently judged by handwriting4 ,write a good1 clear1 legible hand1 without any flourishes1 and always use the best and the blackest of ink4 ,the typewriter is employed only for business correspondence4 ,for social correspondence use only ,irish-linen white note paper1 unruled1 with square envelopes to match4 ,fancy or tinted note paper of any kind is vulgar4 ,if you have a permanent residence your address can be legibly engraved in one color1 usually blue or scarlet1 at the head of the first sheet4 ,if you are a member of a club1 the club note paper is proper for all social correspondence4 ,if you want to1 use your crest in lieu of address1 but this practice is somewhat strained in this country4 ,always add the date in writing4 ,in letters1 the day1 the month1 and the year should be written4 ,in notes you only put the day--for instance1 ,saturday the twenty-second4 ,the best signature is ,sincerely yours1 and not ,yours sincerely4 ,in ,england the quaint ,faithfully yours is used for business correspondence4 ,tradespeople and servants only sign ,respectfully yours4 ,in ,america we esquire all men who are our equals4 ,a butcher1 a baker1 a tailor or other person1 when we order supplies1 we address as ,mr4 ,the abbreviation ,esq4 is the usual form4 ,in ,england you would write to a duke and address the letter ,the ,duke of ,buckingham2 to a knight1 ,sir ,thomas ,appleby2 to an earl or a marquis1 ,lord ,dufferin--that is1 supposing the letter would be a social one4 ,in writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note1 you would begin1 ,my dear ,mrs4 ,brown1 ,my dear ,mr4 ,brown1 or even ,my dear ,brown1 but never ,dear ,miss ,brown1 ,dear ,mrs4 ,brown1 or ,dear ,brown1 unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them4 ,but if the letter is a strictly business one1 and the term ,sir or ,sirs is used1 then you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun4 ,a very formal or a business letter would begin thus3 ,john ,smith1 ,esq41 #bb ,pacific ,avenue1 ,brooklyn1 ,n4 ,y4 ,dear ,sir3 and not ,my dear ,sir4 ,a business letter to a woman demands1 however1 the possessive ,my1 thus3 ,my dear ,madam4 ,to a firm1 one writes3 ,messrs4 ,john ,smith ,co41 ,dear ,sirs3 and never ,gentlemen--a most ridiculous form of address4 ,the clergy are addressed ,reverend and dear ,sir4 ,a bishop is ,right ,reverend and dear ,sir1 and an archbishop ,most ,reverend and dear ,sir4 ,in this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as ,dear ,sir4 ,formal invitations are written in the third person1 also letters addressed to tradespeople4 ,the address on a letter should be written about the middle of the envelope1 the street and number a little to the right1 and the name of the city and ,state in the corner4 ,all notes or letters to people in the same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without the ,state1 unless it is a very small town1 or it bears a name such as ,augusta or ,columbus1 of which there are more than one in the ,united ,states4 ,thus3 ,mrs4 ,john ,brown1 #bbg ,euclid ,avenue1 ,cleveland4 ,the stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner4 ,the mail to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery1 and a special ten-cent stamp will insure1 in a large city1 a more prompt reception of your epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger boy4 ,your paper should fold once in the middle4 ,there is nothing so awkward or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded4 ,it is bulky and unsightly4 ,private letters should always be sealed with wax1 in color dark green or red4 ,black is used for mourning4 ,in sealing a letter be careful to make a neat effect1 and not to smear the wax all over the envelope4 ,the seal is then stamped with your monogram1 or1 if you insist upon it1 with your crest1 but never with your coat of arms4 ,for the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a little stamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's4 ,when writing from the club you can use the club stamp4 ,business letters are moistened and gummed1 a little damp sponge being used for this purpose4 ,to moisten envelopes with the tongue is nasty4 ,letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the commercial world4 ,your friends and acquaintances should not receive them4 ,sometimes1 when writing from a very interesting place to a very intimate friend or to relatives1 hotel paper may be used1 as you would like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are stopping4 ,every gentleman should1 however1 carry in his portmanteau a flat portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand4 ,your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself4 ,be pithy1 bright1 and witty4 ,give the news and innocent gossip1 but beware of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate4 ,above all1 think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word1 even if a reproof be merited4 ,in business letters be brief and to the point4 ,there are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle the writer--letters of condolence and letters of congratulation4 ,a letter of condolence--as will be explained in the chapter on ,funerals--is due from you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or relatives--if you feel that you know them all well enough to address more than one epistle of sympathy--nearest and dearest to the deceased4 ,usually one letter is sufficient1 but sometimes it may occur that you feel that you should also write to others4 ,make it as natural as possible4 ,avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation4 ,a few words is all that is necessary4 ,if you have been on intimate terms with the family wire them your sympathy1 and write a week or so afterward4 ,letters of congratulation are much easier to compose4 ,on the occasion of the announcement of an engagement of a friend1 or in answer to his letter announcing the happy event1 or on the arrival of any good fortune to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard1 a letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable4 ,all letters announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,club4 ,club life in ,america is a growth of recent years4 ,it is now so firmly established1 and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a settlement in the ,united ,states which has not at least its casino1 or its little coterie organized for golf1 tennis1 athletic1 or merely social enjoyment4 ,all of these1 from the great metropolitan clubs of the cities down to the very humblest in the wilds1 are governed by club laws and are regulated by club etiquette4 ,in ,new ,york1 now a city of clubs1 this etiquette differs much from that observed in ,london1 ,paris1 or any of the large continental centers4 ,in ,london1 a man is identified with his club4 ,he rarely belongs to more than one1 and his membership there denotes his social standing1 his pursuits in life1 and1 above all1 his politics4 ,english clubs are also very jealous of admittance of strangers1 and are not in the least hospitable to the foreigner4 ,there are exceptions to this among the literary1 theatrical1 and ,bohemian organizations1 but the ,pall ,mall clubs are closed4 ,in ,new ,york1 ,boston1 ,chicago1 and other ,american cities there are organizations which insist upon certain qualifications1 such as being a university man1 a lawyer1 an author1 a physician1 or a member of a college fraternity1 for admittance2 but then the members also belong to other clubs1 where their social standing1 or perhaps the extent of their bank account1 is their passport4 ,if a man wishes to get on socially1 he should belong to at least one good club4 ,it gives him his standing in the community1 and places him4 ,he is no longer on the list of the unidentified4 ,when a choice is made of a club which you desire to join1 the next step would be to have two members in good standing to act as your sponsors--one proposes your name and the other seconds4 ,a good sponsor is necessary1 and you should choose one who has many friends in the organization of which you desire to become a member4 ,the president1 officers1 and the governing committee are debarred from either proposing or seconding a name for membership4 ,the term of a man's novitiate depends upon the state of the waiting list4 ,your proposer will notify you when your name will be reached1 as he himself will be notified in writing by the committee on membership4 ,the rules of candidacy differ in various clubs4 ,in some1 the name of the candidate with those of the two members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entire club can see it4 ,there is also a book in which other members sign the application1 and the number of signatures1 of course1 has weight with the governors4 ,again1 the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the steward's office1 and it is not necessary that any other indorsement except that of your sponsors be made4 ,any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by which he can make known his objection4 ,one is to write directly to the governors1 or to the committee on admissions and membership1 whichever1 according to the laws of the club1 has the matter in hand4 ,usually it is the governing committee or board of governors4 ,this communication is treated1 as are all club matters1 with the secrecy of the confessional4 ,your sponsors are written to and the objections stated1 but the name of the person objecting is withheld4 ,the other method is1 if any one has an objection to your admission1 that he should go at once in a manly way to one of your sponsors and state it4 ,it is a rare occurrence in a ,new ,york club that any candidate is black-balled4 ,the warning from the governing committee1 or from another member to the sponsors1 is a word to the wise1 and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your name to avoid a disaster4 ,otherwise a very great risk is run1 as objections which have any foundation have great weight with the governing committee4 ,in the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a small book1 while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before the election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse4 ,no candidate can be elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members of the governing committee4 ,a short time before election1 if the candidate has not this acquaintance1 it is the duty of his sponsors to take him around and introduce him1 or to arrange that he will meet these gentlemen in some way2 otherwise his name will go over2 and after two setbacks of this kind1 it will be rejected4 ,on the election of a candidate--the balloting being done by the governing committee--the sponsors are notified1 sometimes by posting and otherwise simply by letter4 ,the secretary of the club will let the new member know immediately of his election1 and the letter1 which is usually a form1 will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly dues are payable4 ,the admission or entrance fee to a club is from one hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known ,new ,york organizations1 and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars4 ,these must be paid at once by check4 ,the rules of most clubs allow a thirty-day limit4 ,if you are so fortunate as to be admitted after the date of the yearly meeting1 you will only be liable for one half the current yearly dues2 otherwise you pay the entire amount4 ,it is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected candidate to the club4 ,this is an easy matter4 ,one of them will go with you1 sit in the general smoking or lounging room1 and make you acquainted with one or two of his friends4 ,the responsibility is then over4 ,club etiquette is very simple4 ,it is only the application of the usual rules of courtesy observed in private life4 ,the club is your home4 ,you should behave there as you would in your own house as host1 and consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be characterized by the utmost consideration4 ,the average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor which is used for smoking1 reading1 the newspapers1 and living generally4 ,on the floors above there are the dining rooms1 the library1 and reading and card rooms4 ,the billiard room occupies a special quarter1 according to the plan of the house4 ,a clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette different from the general laws of manners1 and that was to keep your hat on4 ,this is true1 but then there are many others4 ,men do not take off their hats on entering a club1 and do not remove them in any room except that in which they dine4 ,all social clubs are more or less closed4 ,visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions4 ,the general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city1 but can have no more than one guest at a time4 ,no stranger shall be introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city three months4 ,in some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor a resident of the city1 but he can have no more than one such guest at a time4 ,no person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months4 ,other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods1 and others again have ladies' days1 at which a reception to the fair friends of the members is given4 ,all this depends on the rules of the club4 ,as soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in which these are contained1 and you should study them carefully4 ,the name of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of his host4 ,if the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the club is sent him1 and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member4 ,he can run up an account1 but he should certainly settle it before his term expires1 otherwise his host will be held responsible4 ,a clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served4 ,gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden4 ,when refreshment is required1 you press the electric bell1 of which there are a number in all the rooms1 and the attendant comes to you for your order4 ,when he brings it he has with it a check which you sign4 ,these checks are1 of course1 debited to you1 and you receive your bill once a month1 or you can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily4 ,you order your meals in the same manner1 and when they are ready1 the servant will notify you4 ,at most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms until after nine1 nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors' room or library at any time4 ,books and magazines are not to be removed from the reading room or library1 nor any publication belonging to the club from the clubhouse4 ,there is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs1 and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice4 ,a man does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the public rooms4 ,an allowance1 however1 is made in the billiard room4 ,the loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club4 ,loud talking may be endured in the smoking or general room1 but certainly not in the library or the reading rooms4 ,the kicker is another objectionable person4 ,he should remember that the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee all complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club1 of overcharges1 mistakes1 or defects4 ,the club is not a place to conduct one's commercial interests4 ,invitations and special correspondence can be conducted on club paper1 but certainly it is a breach of club etiquette to use it for business purposes4 ,the man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman4 ,by this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of her sex can bear4 ,the name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is to say something complimentary of her4 ,even this is not in good taste4 ,it is not club etiquette to treat4 ,you can do so if you desire1 but you are not obliged to follow this inane custom1 which is born of bar-room ethics4 ,all the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence4 ,under no consideration should that which has occurred within these sacred portals be divulged to outsiders4 ,once a year--usually at ,christmas--a subscription is taken up for the employees and servants4 ,from five to ten dollars is the proper amount to give4 ,a few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached1 where members may take their families or give dinners1 or where the wives of members have the privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments4 ,otherwise ladies are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse1 except on ladies' days1 and where there is an annex they can only avail themselves of that part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of a member4 ,these rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the ,union1 ,metropolitan1 ,knickerbocker1 ,calumet1 and ,manhattan ,clubs of ,new ,york4 ,the constitutions of the ,philadelphia1 ,boston1 ,washington1 ,chicago1 ,san ,francisco1 and other clubs are almost identical4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,the ,,sporting ,,bachelor4 ,driving4--,driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem4 ,a man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps4 ,he submits himself to what one1 to-day1 might call the ,x-ray of criticism4 ,he enters a field1 and he must be weighed in the balance and his position defined by the standard of his associates4 ,i know of no other city in the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out equipages than in ,new ,york4 ,the ,american in ,hyde ,park is shocked at the appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion1 and his national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of ,american makes4 ,as to ,paris1 it is simply beyond the pale of criticism1 the private turnouts1 such as they are1 being almost lost in a sea of dirty1 disgraceful fiacres4 ,in the first place1 your horses must be well groomed1 their hoofs blackened1 and their tails properly banged4 ,i do not intend here to enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails4 ,the social law is without exception4 ,horses with long tails are impossible4 ,i believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain4 ,the harness1 the trap itself1 the coachman1 and groom or grooms should be as immaculate as the horses4 ,there should not be a single item out of gear4 ,every detail must be perfect4 ,choose some individual color for your traps1 and never change the colors of your stable any more than you would your liveries4 ,i have discussed fully in the chapter on ,servants the duties of coachmen and grooms1 and ,i refer the reader to that section of this book for information concerning liveries and the human personnel of your trap4 ,as to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the moment4 ,to-day grays and bays are matched1 and a person in half mourning recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap and harness and white horses4 ,a bachelor1 however1 should court simplicity1 and ,i do not even approve of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man4 ,in fact ,i do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout4 ,a coach1 a tandem1 a drag1 or any of the array of fashionable carts1 or a private hansom should limit the list4 ,coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good driving4 ,the driver salutes always with the whip2 those on the coach with him or in the trap bow4 ,dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon1 and a high hat is indispensable4 ,sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttons and a gray topper are worn4 ,dogskin driving gloves and driving boots complete the costume4 ,in the country one wears tweed or ,scotch cheviot and a ,derby hat4 ,the man who drives mounts last1 his horses' heads being held by the groom4 ,his whip should be in its socket2 the reins loosely thrown over the horses' backs4 ,he should spring into his seat and start immediately4 ,there is a certain smartness in driving1 in the way you manage your whip1 your horses1 and the many other details1 which it is the province of a good master of the sport to teach you4 ,the fashionable hour for driving in ,new ,york is from three to five1 and the drive the ,park4 ,at ,newport one drives both in the morning and evening4 ,remember1 however1 that the secret of your mastery over your stables should be your perfect knowledge of every detail4 ,if you are a novice you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your harness4 ,you should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right1 and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals are not properly groomed4 ,the best position on the box is a firm seat with your feet close together4 ,drive with one hand and keep the whip hand free1 except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now and then1 and in saluting4 ,a man always sits with his back to the horses in a ,victoria1 or any other four-seated vehicle1 when there are two ladies with him4 ,when there is only one he sits by her side4 ,he alights first with a view to assisting the ladies4 ,he gets in last4 ,it is not good form in ,new ,york for unmarried couples to drive together1 unaccompanied by a chaperon4 ,it is permitted at ,newport and the country and seaside resorts1 but a groom always sits on the back seat4 ,in this case the woman is frequently the whip4 ,a man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom1 although this is considered unconventional4 ,buggy driving is not in vogue in ,new ,york4 ,riding1 since the advent of the wheel1 is not as fashionable an amusement in cities as formerly4 ,riding classes1 which meet two evenings during the week1 usually in the ,lenten season1 are still very popular4 ,these gatherings take place at a riding academy1 and a competent riding master is in charge4 ,when riding with a woman1 a man should always be at her right4 ,a woman's riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left4 ,in assisting her to mount1 which1 even when a groom is present1 is the gallant thing to do1 a man should grasp the bridle with the left hand and hold his right so that she can step into it4 ,the woman puts her left foot1 therefore1 in a man's right hand1 and holds to the pommel with her right hand4 ,the escort gives his arm a slight spring1 and with a corresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne1 she is lifted into the saddle4 ,the man faces the near side of the horse1 or the left4 ,he takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommel of the saddle1 shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of the horse4 ,he inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into the saddle4 ,in speaking of a pommel1 ,i wish it understood that the ,english saddle is used1 which has no visible pommel1 but that part of it is still called by the name in lieu of another term4 ,a good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence4 ,the ,english mode of riding is fashionable4 ,the smart pace is a short canter4 ,in trotting1 a man may rise to the trot4 ,squaring the elbows is a trifle vulgar and obsolete4 ,in meeting acquaintances1 a man should bow4 ,a man accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her1 and never either go ahead or let his horse fall behind4 ,a man riding alone should never pass or catch up with a woman unattended4 ,when one rides in ,new ,york it is only in the morning4 ,afternoon riding in the ,park is not the vogue it was4 ,the ,new ,yorker dislikes to dress up in any special costume1 so that for years the fashionable afternoon riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat1 ordinary trousers strapped under the ordinary walking boot1 top hat1 and gloves1 but the present riding costume for the morning in ,new ,york and the country consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket1 brown leather waistcoat1 brown ,derby hat1 boots or leggings1 and dark gloves4 ,you can wear this in the afternoon1 but the ordinary costume is considered smarter and more convenient4 ,men in ,new ,york only ride in the ,park1 and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have lockers4 ,a complete change of costume is not convenient1 and you never see a ,new ,york clubman on the streets in riding togs4 ,the evening classes always end with a supper and a dance4 ,the woman's habit is easily changed1 but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots in a drawing room is certainly absurd4 ,to wear evening dress on horseback1 even a ,tuxedo coat1 is also outlandish1 and thus the compromise has been effected1 and the old black diagonal cutaway brought into use4 ,riding to hounds requires special knowledge as to the rules and the etiquette of the different hunts4 ,these vary4 ,the meet is generally at some farm or country house1 and you are expected to appear in the regulation hunt colors4 ,the orthodox costume is morning coat1 white or fancy waistcoat1 riding breeches1 top boots1 crop1 top hat1 and hunting scarf4 ,the master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coat and hunting cap4 ,after the hunt there is a breakfast1 and several times during the year a ball4 ,at the latter festivity1 members of the club should wear their scarlet evening coats4 ,coaching is yet another of the intricate arts4 ,i will give a few points to the novice4 ,the place of honor is the box seat and should be given to a lady1 when ladies are of the party4 ,if a bachelor is a good whip1 a coaching party is an excellent way for him to entertain4 ,the start should be from some fashionable locality in town1 and eight or ten is a large party4 ,it is needless for me to call the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses and appointments being perfect4 ,during the progress of the coach the guard who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals4 ,a bugle or cornet is not good form1 although ,i have heard it in small towns4 ,it may seem elementary1 but for the requirements of those who have never coached ,i might as well state that the guests sit on the top and not inside the coach4 ,a neat and serviceable team may be made with two browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers4 ,to the novice the names of these will indicate their position4 ,a coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles4 ,a halt is made at a country club1 of which the host is a member1 or a hotel1 where luncheon is served4 ,the menu consists of the usual comestibles with plenty of champagne4 ,two hours altogether are allowed for rest1 and then the start homeward is made4 ,the whip should wear driving costume1 with gray or black high hat4 ,the men guests can be dressed in morning costume1 tweeds1 and ,derby hats1 unless the occasion is one of formality1 such as a coaching parade1 when one should don afternoon dress4 ,the general etiquette of driving applies to coaching4 ,wheeling is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing1 and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentieth century4 ,as yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this new sport1 except that which would govern its dress4 ,otherwise there are the rules of the road--keeping and turning to the right--and the extending by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to the fair sex1 and consideration for their fellow-men4 ,a man should always wait for a lady to mount1 holding the bicycle4 ,he should ride at her left1 keeping pace with her1 and sufficiently near to be of assistance in case of an accident4 ,he should dismount first and help her to do so if necessary4 ,the present fashionable costume for cycling consists of tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material1 brown leather or linen waistcoat1 colored shirt1 with white turn-down collar and club tie1 golf stockings1 and low-quartered tan wheeling shoes4 ,a cap of tweed to match the suit completes the rig4 ,at cycling clubs black small clothes with dinner jacket may be worn1 but as yet it is not the prevailing fashion4 ,in summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash4 ,one word more as to wheeling4 ,owing to its popularity1 many have sought to make it vulgar and common4 ,an idea that a man has the privilege of addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous4 ,you would not offer such an impertinence to an equestrienne1 and you must remember that a wheel is only a metal horse4 ,to catch up with or pass unchaperoned or unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to be guilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied ,amazon4 ,shooting deserves a few words1 although shooting parties in the acceptance of the foreign and ,british entertainments have as yet but few counterparts in this country4 ,men chase the aniseed bag or an imported fox when riding to hounds1 and when they take gun in hand it is for the purpose of hunting big game1 such as one would obtain in the ,adirondacks1 in the ,rockies1 in the ,southern swamp lands1 and in the wilderness of ,canada4 ,in ,england you may be invited for the shooting4 ,the start is in the morning1 in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers4 ,the birds are flurried1 the guns are loaded by your special attendant1 and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon1 which is served somewhere in the woods or on the moors4 ,you are expected to be at the house about four1 where1 after changing your clothes1 you appear in the drawing room for tea4 ,you are cautioned in these parties1 in order to avoid accident1 before crossing a hedge1 gate1 or any other obstacle1 to remove your cartridges4 ,you are to be unusually careful in the manner of holding your gun1 and should certainly not flourish it around or point it at any living thing1 save that which it is intended to kill4 ,guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or other extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots4 ,in ,england a position is assigned to you4 ,it is etiquette to remain in it1 shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit1 accepting shots as they come4 ,the gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit4 ,the correct dress is loose jacket1 knicker corduroy breeches1 stout ribbed stockings1 and box-cloth leggings4 ,heavy russet boots and a cloth shooting cap are also worn4 ,bowls is a favorite game in the country1 and during the ,lenten season in ,new ,york1 where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment4 ,although the sessions are in the evening1 the men dress at clubs in mufti or neglige1 the golf or cycling suits being the favorites4 ,when you are asked to play bowls at a private house1 and when there is a dance to follow1 or when you are asked to a bowling party1 it is perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or ,tuxedo1 as there will be supper and dancing afterward4 ,the presence of ladies will not deter you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket1 as there is a certain informality about all athletic sports4 ,the same may be said of badminton1 another favorite ,lenten game1 played somewhat after the manner of tennis4 ,the difference is that instead of racquet and ball1 battledore and shuttlecock are used4 ,for skating1 even at a rink on artificial ice1 golf costume or mufti is good form4 ,polo has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules of the game4 ,the dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches1 flannel or madras shirt with low turn-down collar1 top riding boots1 and polo cap4 ,,yachting1 ,,boating1 ,,bathing1 ,,tennis1 ,,and ,,racing4 ,a yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man can have4 ,no one but a millionaire can afford it4 ,true1 as in other possessions1 there are degrees1 and consequently there are yachts and yachts4 ,only large schooner or steam yachts1 however1 are adaptable for entertaining4 ,a man's yacht is indeed his castle1 and the host has only to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this delightful method of entertaining4 ,yet there are a few little details of which it would be prudent to speak4 ,the proper entertainments for a yacht in harbor are luncheons1 dinners1 dances1 and short cruises4 ,none of these should be elaborate1 the yacht itself--a thing of joy and beauty--being alone a great attraction4 ,your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter1 and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor4 ,you should be at the gangway ready to receive them4 ,the same order should be observed on their leaving4 ,during a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed4 ,you are then as if under military or naval orders4 ,the commodore should be treated with the same consideration as an admiral4 ,you should not appear before him except in the uniform of the club1 and you should always salute him on passing1 and he should have precedence at all entertainments4 ,yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit1 or weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or witney1 or blue serge or flannel coat with naval white duck trousers4 ,the cap1 blue or white cloth or duck4 ,white flannels are also worn1 but they are not so appropriate4 ,in the evening1 usual formal landsman's costume4 ,there are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately connected with etiquette that1 although it is not exactly in my province1 ,i propose to give a summary of them here2 they may be useful1 and may serve my reader a good turn4 ,i take the regulations of the ,new ,york ,yacht ,club for my guide4 ,it is without doubt the leading yachting organization of this country4 ,when on a cruise1 all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their colors at eight o'clock ,a4 ,m4 and haul them down at sunset1 taking time from the senior officer present in port1 if there should be one4 ,between sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant4 ,guns should only be fired on setting or hauling down the colors1 except by the yacht giving the time1 nor between sunset and colors1 nor on ,sunday1 and the rules of many yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether a yacht is on a cruise or not4 ,the senior officer in port should be in command1 and should make colors and sunset and return salutes and visits1 etc4 ,his yacht should remain the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives1 when such senior should assume the duties of the anchorage4 ,flag officers should display their pennants while in commission1 except when absent for more than forty-eight hours4 ,in this case their private signal should be hoisted4 ,a blue rectangular flag at the starboard spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board4 ,all salutes should be returned in kind4 ,yachts of all clubs should always salute vessels of the ,united ,states ,navy4 ,yachts passing at sea should salute each other1 juniors saluting first4 ,this is done by dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun1 followed by dipping the ensign4 ,arriving in harbor after sunset or on ,sunday the salute should be made the first thing next morning4 ,when a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage and finds there a foreign yacht1 the senior officer of the squadron or cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club4 ,all vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron1 or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which your vessel and you belong4 ,of course ,i have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting regulations4 ,you are supposed to have a book of your club1 which will give them to you1 and you are bound to follow the rules laid down therein4 ,as a rule1 the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor one inch and a half in diameter1 placed horizontally1 embroidered in gold1 with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above the anchor4 ,a vice commodore wears only a single star2 captains two crossed foul anchors4 ,the dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or black dress coat1 a white dress waistcoat1 each with the club button in gilt2 blue or white trousers with cravat black or white4 ,the undress consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth1 serge1 or flannel1 blue or white waistcoat1 each with the black club button2 trousers of same material1 or of white drill4 ,the commodore has five black silk stripes on his cuff1 the vice commodore four1 the rear commodore three1 the captain and other officers two1 and the members one4 ,your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wide blue cuffs and collars1 stitched with blue or white thread4 ,handkerchiefs should be of black silk1 caps of blue cloth without visor2 straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer4 ,the name of the yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt1 or printed upon the band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat4 ,the trousers should be of blue flannel or white linen duck4 ,no braces are worn4 ,,golf4 ,the etiquette of golf is incorporated1 more or less1 with the technicalities of the rules governing the game4 ,i do not intend to go into these1 but to give a few hints to the novice1 to prevent him1 if possible1 committing solecisms4 ,golf has a vocabulary of its own4 ,the grounds on which the game is played is a stretch of rather rough country1 abounding in hills1 hillocks1 and sandy downs1 and is known by no other name but the links4 ,the game is usually played by two persons1 but it can be by more4 ,it consists in driving a ball1 small and black1 or painted red for the winter snows1 along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal1 with a selection of clubs with metal ends4 ,a small boy carries these clubs around for the players4 ,he is called the caddie4 ,the clubs have various names and various uses4 ,they are for propelling or driving the ball1 according to the rules of the game4 ,they are the driver1 long spoon1 short spoon1 putter1 iron putter1 cleek1 iron1 niblick1 brassey1 lofting iron1 and mashie4 ,a tee is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests4 ,as before explained1 the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into one of the holes4 ,the term putting is applied to the locality in which this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place4 ,the etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essential of being an onlooker and nothing more4 ,silence is golden4 ,advice and comment1 should you profess to know anything about the game1 are brazen4 ,be considerate2 do not interfere with the comfort of the players4 ,as at billiards1 the stroke should be made in utter silence4 ,the golf links is not a place for criticism1 and if you are allowed to follow the players around1 you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic or when contemptuous4 ,besides being a breach of good manners1 remember that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist4 ,golf is the easiest game at which to cheat1 but as it is a sport in the repertoire of a gentleman1 it would seem almost an insult to hint at such a contingency4 ,however1 apart from the moral effect of cheating at any game1 if a man is dead to all sense of honor1 he should be alive to the fear of being found out4 ,such discovery means social ostracism4 ,the proper golf costume is based on common sense4 ,the man who rigs himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most approved style is either a very bad player or a novice4 ,the championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street costumes or business lounge suits4 ,the ,english and ,scotch golf dress1 however1 is sack coat1 knickers without leather extensions1 and a plain tweed shooting cap4 ,the shirt is white madras1 soft1 unstarched bosom1 with a golf stock or ,ascot4 ,golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or black leather4 ,the hose has a long ribbed top1 which is turned over1 forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg4 ,it is made of heavy worsted1 plain or ribbed4 ,this costume will do for winter in the ,english climate1 when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west4 ,the ,american costume1 however1 is made of lighter tweeds for the spring and autumn1 and of brown linen or holland for the summer4 ,as yet1 except in one or two localities1 golf is not generally played in winter1 except by enthusiasts4 ,at a match1 golfers wear their club uniform coats1 which are made of hunting pink with brass buttons4 ,the club dress uniform is full and proper dress for all golf functions1 such as dinners and dances and receptions4 ,for golf club evening functions1 black silk or lisle thread stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress4 ,this will be regulated by the rules of the club4 ,,boating ,,and ,,bathing1 ,,tennis ,,and ,,racing4 ,but a word1 and this on costume4 ,the proper dress in ,england1 where boating is a social amusement1 is the blazer madras shirt with white linen all-around collars and madras cuffs1 same material as shirt1 white duck trousers1 and straw hat with colored ribbons4 ,for bathing1 the present ocean costume is all plain1 one dark-color two-piece suits1 short trousers coming to the knees1 and jersey with very short sleeves4 ,for tennis1 which ,i have omitted in the category of sports1 as there is no peculiar etiquette attached1 you should wear white duck trousers1 a white madras shirt1 white flannel coat1 plain or finely striped1 and straw hat or flannel cap to match coat4 ,the straw hat was in vogue last summer4 ,in ,england many men wear gray vicuna frock coats to the races4 ,about this costume1 however1 in ,america1 where races are but seldom social functions1 you must be guided by the season1 circumstances1 and place4 ,of course1 a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat1 but the gray top hat has gone out of fashion4 ,gymkhana races are burlesque affairs imported from ,india4 ,the participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes1 and are obliged to race holding umbrellas1 toy balloons1 or some other absurdity4 ,they are in great favor at summer watering places4 ,,billiards4 ,the etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the general maxim of the extending of the utmost consideration for others4 ,billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life1 and should have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact that so many private houses have billiard rooms1 and the game is better classified with the different sports of a bachelor4 ,at the club it is allowable to play the game sans one's coat1 or in shirt sleeves4 ,the billiard room is a place where one can be unconventional4 ,order1 however1 in a match game especially1 should be strictly maintained4 ,the severe ,english rule at clubs1 under such circumstances1 requires the man who has played his stroke to retire to a reasonable distance1 and keep out of the line of sight 7vide the ,badminton treatise on the game74 ,orders for drinks to the waiter1 loud talking1 criticism of the play1 lighting pipes and cigars--the latter being only generally allowed in ,new ,york club billiard rooms--are all offenses against etiquette4 ,in private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt into a billiard room while a game is in progress1 except between the strokes1 and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door4 ,the ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of the room4 ,it is1 according to the same ,badminton authority1 a game during the progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other1 and spectators are generally courteous1 silent1 and impartial4 ,in a private house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players1 shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated4 ,the dinner coat is useful on these occasions4 ,smoking is permissible if the hostess consents4 ,the etiquette of cards calls for but a word4 ,whist means silence4 ,no gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie2 still less should he dispute a point at cards4 ,better lose1 especially when women are present1 than enter a controversy4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,a ,,bachelor',s ,,travels ,,at ,,home ,,and ,,abroad4 ,to seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim ,i can give for traveling4 ,you can not actually pretend to experience that which may be totally lacking1 but by making yourself comfortable you will increase the pleasure of others4 ,there is1 in these days of luxurious traveling1 but little occasion to be flurried1 and no excuse whatever for not being as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed4 ,dress means a great deal1 and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require a little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from all annoyance4 ,as ,i have already observed in a previous chapter1 in a long journey it would be better to take more than one trunk1 but even if you have but the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles4 ,a dressing bag is most requisite1 and if you can not afford this you could have an ordinary bag1 or even a dress suit case1 fitted up with the necessary appliances of the toilet4 ,these1 it is almost absurd to state1 consist of your razors1 tooth and nail brushes1 combs and hairbrushes1 individual soap1 and a few small vials of very useful physic1 such as ,jamaica ginger1 ,pond's extract1 liver pills1 cologne1 and1 if you do not carry it in your pocket1 a brandy flask4 ,there are times when this is absolutely necessary4 ,in my dressing bag1 if possible1 ,i would take my pyjamas1 so as to be perfectly equipped for the night1 in case1 at the end of my journey1 ,i could not get at my trunk4 ,overcoats1 waterproof coat1 umbrellas1 walking sticks1 etc41 should be carried in a shawl strap1 where you could also have a novel or so1 or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines4 ,for short railway or steamer journeys1 the best dress is the ordinary lounge or morning sack suit1 with a soft felt or ,hombourg hat4 ,gloves are necessary4 ,tan or gray suede is the most correct4 ,in winter an ulster should be worn4 ,select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge suit you have1 or1 if you feel more disposed1 a warm tweed knickerbocker suit1 such as you wear for golf4 ,i think it is a good principle to put on your old clothes at sea4 ,only very vulgar people dress for this occasion4 ,for late dinner on the ship ,i would have a black cutaway coat and a light tie4 ,i believe men must change their clothes before dinner at all places and under all circumstances4 ,russet shoes are worn4 ,do not hurry4 ,have your tickets purchased in time1 and arrive at a train so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage4 ,on an ocean voyage1 if the ship is going to leave at an early hour in the morning1 go on board the night before4 ,farewell suppers are like greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations1 the meed of the second-class politician4 ,arrange with your banker for letters of credit1 and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortably and pay your little expenses1 with one note of a larger denomination in case of accident4 ,do not get your money changed on the ship4 ,it is effected at a very high rate of discount4 ,thus on ,english ships--the ,cunard1 ,white ,star1 ,anchor1 and ,allan lines--,english currency is used4 ,the ,hamburg and the ,north ,german ,lloyd employ ,german1 and the ,transatlantique1 ,french4 ,your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strap should be placed in the cabin with you4 ,steamer chairs1 in these days1 can be hired4 ,do not carry one around with you4 ,it is a nuisance4 ,on the ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants1 and prepare your bath for you in the morning1 for which there is a fee1 ,i think1 of twenty-five cents a day4 ,it is customary on leaving a ship to give gratuities to servants4 ,to the cabin steward on ,english ships1 ten shillings1 the head steward ten shillings1 and your waiter ten shillings4 ,on others1 for a six days' voyage1 a fee equal to two dollars should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the head steward4 ,servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff1 which you will find in the guidebooks4 ,in this country the drawing-car fiend expects twenty-five cents for a day's journey2 fifty cents to a dollar for longer and more extended service4 ,at ,american hotels the waiters are tipped when you leave1 and a small gratuity given to chambermaids4 ,courtesy1 especially to women1 is the one thing expected from every gentleman who travels1 and if you can assist any one in distress by advice or by help of any kind do so1 particularly if it is an unprotected woman4 ,but be very guarded in making new acquaintances4 ,such as are picked up on the steamer1 for instance1 can be dropped as soon as you land4 ,beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel on the great liners4 ,make it a rule1 if you will play for money1 never to do so with strangers4 ,when traveling with a lady1 always carry her bag and assist her in and out of the trains4 ,your behavior is on its mettle under these circumstances1 and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster1 bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man4 ,the subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit of general advice4 ,english customs and our own are so much alike that it would be strange1 indeed1 if an ,american could not get along in the land where his own tongue is spoken4 ,one of the first difficulties which once beset traveling ,americans in ,london was the regulation in theaters that the audience1 or that part of it occupying the best stalls1 should be in evening dress4 ,as evening dress is now also the rule in ,new ,york1 this quandary is a thing of the past4 ,programmes at many of the ,english theaters are now free1 where some years ago it was customary to sell bills of the play for sixpence4 ,the feeing of servants at hotels1 however1 continues1 and we yet have the charge on hotel bills for service4 ,you are expected to give something to the hall porter1 to your waiter1 to the boots1 and to the chambermaid4 ,the amount of these fees differs according to the length of your stay4 ,i should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to the others4 ,in ,london a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a certain metropolitan radius called the circle4 ,thrupence or sixpence extra is the tip to drink your health4 ,afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday1 and cabs and hansoms are not seen on the ,row during riding and driving hours4 ,in ,paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the ,bois in a fiacre4 ,the tariff there is two francs an hour1 or two francs fifty per course1 from one place to another4 ,the pourboire is fifty centimes4 ,in ,france the pourboire is a veritable tax1 as it is in ,italy and in the ,latin countries4 ,in ,germany the mark is equal to about twenty-five cents of our money1 and it will go a long way4 ,ten marks will fee a houseful of servants4 ,at the station in ,paris fifty centimes is given to the porter4 ,the commissionnaire at the hotel expects fifty centimes4 ,waiters' pourboires are eighty-five centimes at breakfast1 and at dinner a franc4 ,in a cafe they are twenty-five centimes4 ,the woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expects one franc1 and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reserved seat4 ,in ,paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men4 ,at the opera during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is1 of course1 de rigueur4 ,at the ,comedie ,francaise on ,tuesdays and at the ,odeon on ,thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance4 ,chairs are sold in ,paris at the ,catholic churches1 and in both the ,london and ,paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous4 ,in ,paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed4 ,when the omnibus is full1 a sign1 ,complet1 is fastened on the outside4 ,at the gates of each small town in ,france the octroi1 or impost1 levies on articles of food brought in1 and the customhouse in ,england seizes all ,american reprints of ,english books4 ,there1 as well as in ,france1 spirits and tobacco are dutiable4 ,it is only civil to bow when passing the ,prince of ,wales or members of the royal family4 ,in ,paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes1 as also in ,italy4 ,in ,germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes4 ,passports are necessary for ,russian and ,eastern travel4 ,all large functions on the ,continent1 no matter what time of the day they occur1 demand evening dress4 ,in ,paris the bridegroom at a wedding in the afternoon wears evening dress1 as well as the chief male mourner at a funeral1 but the others present do not4 ,this does not apply to groomsmen and honorary pallbearers1 who are in evening dress4 ,in ,germany1 ,austria1 and ,italy1 wherever royalty appears1 evening dress is necessary4 ,at the audiences granted by the ,pope all men must be in evening dress1 and the women in dark gowns and veils4 ,the ,queen of ,england1 the ,princess of ,wales1 and all other female members of the royal family are addressed as ,ma'am2 the ,prince of ,wales and the male members as ,sir1 and never1 except by tradesmen1 as ,your ,royal ,highness4 ,the ,english dukes are addressed simply as ,duke and not as ,your ,grace2 a marquis is ,lord and a marchioness ,lady4 ,younger sons of dukes should be spoken of as lord4 ,a ,french duke and duchess are addressed as ,monsieur and ,madame4 ,in ,germany one drops the ,von when addressing a nobleman who has that title1 but when you write to him you must give him his full credentials4 ,a foreign bishop is always addressed as ,my ,lord and a cardinal as ,your ,eminence4 ,the etiquette at a house where the ,prince of ,wales or a member of the royal family in ,england visits is rigorous1 and on the ,continent1 when royalty is present1 it is even more severe4 ,the prince is never addressed unless he speaks to you4 ,he alone has the privilege of changing the subject of conversation1 and all plans for the day's recreation are submitted to him4 ,these observations are1 of course1 very general1 but the average ,american to-day is at home in ,europe4 ,he should only remember the old adage to do in ,rome as the ,romans do1 and he will not be much embarrassed by foreign customs and habits4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,the ,,engaged ,,bachelor4 ,the etiquette of engagements is simple4 ,there are no rules as to how a man should ask a woman to be his wife4 ,a man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his fiancee gives him permission to do so4 ,it is her family who have the right to know first of the existence of an engagement4 ,very few engagements are entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the members of the young woman's household4 ,however1 the first step to be taken is the announcement by the fiancee to her mother1 her father1 or her proper guardian of the existing circumstances4 ,sometimes this is done in a most informal way by both parties4 ,the day after the engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian4 ,in ,america we are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements4 ,a man should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live4 ,an inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss4 ,engagements are announced to other members of the family than those of the household by informal notes when it is decided it should be made public4 ,relatives and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general acquaintances4 ,in these days of society news the general announcement is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers4 ,it can also be made verbally4 ,during the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible4 ,they should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed of the affair4 ,a pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new fiancee4 ,engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed approximately4 ,avoid long engagements4 ,the engagement ring is a solitaire diamond1 but one with two smaller diamonds is appropriate4 ,this will depend upon the income of the swain4 ,rings with colored stones1 however1 are not in vogue for engagements4 ,during the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as possible in each other's society4 ,neither should appear at large entertainments to which the other has not been asked4 ,little attentions are expected4 ,a man should send from time to time1 according to the state of his finances1 flowers1 sweets1 or other tokens4 ,a sensible girl will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them4 ,a very acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or ,american beauty roses sent from a fashionable florist4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,the ,,bachelor',s ,,wedding4 ,when a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony and reception are left to the bride's family1 and there is really very little about which to instruct him4 ,many men wish to know how these matters should be conducted1 and a short review is here given under the penalty of its being not within the scope of the ,complete ,bachelor4 ,weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of the bride4 ,the church wedding is the most popular1 and in large cities the most fashionable1 as it admits of the presence of a large number of people and lends much solemnity to the occasion4 ,the fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until five o'clock4 ,evening weddings have within the past five years not been as much in vogue as formerly4 ,the invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony4 ,the formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper folded in two4 ,it is issued in the name of the bride's parents or guardian1 and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number1 at such an hour of the day1 month1 and year4 ,a separate card1 inclosed1 with the announcement and invitation to the church1 states the hours of the reception4 ,the invitations are very simple1 engraved in plain ,english script1 and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known to stationers for this purpose4 ,the inner one is addressed only with the name of the person invited1 the outer one has this and the street1 the street number1 and full directions for mailing4 ,gilt-edged or fancy stationery is vulgar4 ,i herewith append some examples4 ,the ,english invariably insist on the ,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p41 or answer if you please1 on even church invitations4 ,this is not the regular ,new ,york custom4 ,the reason for this is that in ,england those asked to the church are always expected also at the reception4 ,only the bridal party sit down to an elaborate breakfast1 the other guests being given the very lightest of refreshments4 ,american form3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- request your presence at the marriage of their daughter ,katherine to ,mr4 ----1 ,thursday1 ,february the twenty-eighth1 at twelve o'clock4 ,grace ,church1 ,broadway and ,tenth ,street4 ,also3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter ,annie to ,mr4 ---- on 7etc474 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- request your presence at the marriage of their daughter ,myra ,raymond to ,mr4 ----1 ,thursday1 ,february the twenty-eighth1 at twelve o'clock4 ,grace ,church1 ,broadway and ,tenth ,street4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter ,annie to ,mr4 ---- on ,tuesday morning1 ,november twenty-seventh1 at half past eleven o'clock4 ,st4 ,leo's ,church1 ,east ,twenty-eighth ,street4 ------ ,please present this card at ,st4 ,leo's ,church1 ,november twenty-seventh4 ,english form3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ---- request the pleasure of ,lord and ,lady ----'s company at ,st4 ,peter's1 ,eaton ,square1 on ,saturday1 ,november #dth1 at two o'clock1 on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter ,margaret and ---- ----1 and afterward at #a ,grosvenor ,square4 ,r4 ,s4 ,v4 ,p4 ------ ,admit bearer to ,st4 ,peter's ,church1 ,eaton ,square1 on ,november #dth1 #ahie1 at two o'clock4 ,if the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own house1 the invitations to the church and the reception1 or to either or both1 would read simply1 ,the pleasure of your company is requested at the wedding1 etc41 with a separate card bearing the word reception and stating the hour and address4 ,should there be no guests at the wedding1 and should it be conducted very quietly or privately1 it is necessary that announcement cards be sent out after the event has taken place4 ,these are issued in the name of the bride's parent1 parents1 or guardian1 who simply announce the marriage of their daughter or ward ,elizabeth to ,mr4 ,henry ,smith ,walcott1 ,thursday1 ,june the twentieth1 eighteen hundred and ninety-six4 ,in the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the cards4 ,a card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married couple1 their address1 and their reception day4 ,should there be neither parents nor guardians1 the parties to the contract can announce it themselves with one card thus3 ,mr4 ,william ,benham ,thorne and ,miss ,eleanore ,taylor1 married on ,thursday1 ,november the seventh1 eighteen hundred and ----1 ,new ,york4 ,another card can also be inclosed1 on which is the new address of the married couple1 as well as their day at home4 ,if it is a church wedding1 and there are neither guardians nor parents1 you can use the form1 ,you are invited to be present at the wedding of ----1 etc4 ,a too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding invitations1 and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is carried out4 ,in case there are several members of a family1 it is good form to inclose an invitation to each2 thus1 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,algernon ,smith1 the ,misses ,smith1 and ,messrs4 ,smith making three smaller envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,algernon ,smith4 ,as ,i have advised in the chapter on ,cards1 your pasteboard should be left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued1 even if you are asked only to the church4 ,if to the reception1 you owe two visits of digestion--one to the bride's parents and one to the happy pair4 ,all the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's parents4 ,the bridegroom1 however1 pays the clergyman's fee and provides his own carriage1 cab1 or hansom from his rooms to the church4 ,this vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man4 ,all expenses after the marriage are1 of course1 defrayed by the bridegroom4 ,it has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom not to use the family carriage1 which usually takes them from the church1 to fetch them to the railroad station1 but one provided by the bridegroom4 ,it is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's parents to offer this for the occasion4 ,the bridegroom should1 as soon as the wedding day is appointed1 choose his best man and his ushers4 ,the vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the capacity of best man4 ,more recently a number of very fashionable ,new ,yorkers have had married men take that position1 and thus the innovation has sanction through the action of the smart set4 ,a married best man is said to be an ,english fad1 but ,i find that it could be more correctly termed an ,anglo-,indian mode1 as this new idea is much more popular in ,calcutta and ,bombay than in ,london4 ,in the selection of ushers1 a man asks usually some few of his intimates or club friends1 and through courtesy to his prospective bride a male member of her family1 frequently her brother4 ,six ushers are the usual number1 although four are quite sufficient4 ,some few men have been known to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers1 but this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding4 ,the ushers can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the house4 ,the bridegroom presents his best man and his ushers with their ties1 their gloves1 and tie pin1 which is a souvenir of the occasion1 as well as their boutonnieres1 or buttonholes1 to accept the last ,english expression1 to be worn at the ceremony4 ,the tie1 gloves1 and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at the farewell bachelor dinner2 the boutonnieres are ordered at the florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding4 ,lilies of the valley are the favorite wedding flowers1 but the floral arrangements are regulated by the bride's family1 who possibly have a certain color or flower scheme for the church decorations1 and the buttonholes must be in keeping4 ,the bridegroom generally provides hansoms or coupes to drive his ushers to the church from their respective residences4 ,as the bride's family provides the carriages for the cortege1 these other vehicles may be dismissed at the church4 ,the bridegroom himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best man4 ,if it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided4 ,in this country the bridegroom does not give the bridesmaids any token or present4 ,in ,england he presents them with brooches or bracelets4 ,in ,new ,york the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs in the shape of lace pins1 brooches1 or bracelets4 ,the bridegroom always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present1 which is to be worn or carried on the happy day4 ,it may be a diamond tiara1 it may be a diamond star1 it may be jewels of any kind which he can ascertain would be acceptable to her1 or it may be a prayer book4 ,the bridegroom does not provide any part of the bride's costume4 ,if the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book1 this special bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom1 but the flowers for the bridesmaids are provided by the bride4 ,the expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to the clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best man4 ,the wedding ring is of bright burnished gold1 perfectly plain4 ,the date of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved on the inside4 ,the ring is confided to the best man1 who produces it at the proper time during the ceremony4 ,it is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or1 rather1 to have a wedding outfit made4 ,very elaborate affairs of this kind are not in good taste1 and anything which suggests the occasion is certainly vulgar4 ,beyond the clothes for the ceremony1 there should be a general overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts1 undervests1 underclothes1 handkerchiefs1 and such articles must1 if any of them are needed or have fallen into decay1 be supplied or renewed4 ,all this is a matter of taste4 ,the bachelor farewell dinner is now a recognized institution4 ,perhaps next to the ceremony itself1 it is regarded as the most important social function of the wedding week4 ,if you are a member of a club1 your farewell dinner should be given there in one of the private dining rooms4 ,otherwise it is perfectly correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel1 in1 of course1 a private dining room4 ,you may have it at your own house1 and1 should your parents be living and you reside with them1 it can be given at home4 ,the club1 however1 is really first choice4 ,sometimes the strictly bachelor dinner is dispensed with1 and in its stead a dinner is given to the entire bridal party by the family of the bride4 ,this does away with the presumed selfishness of the stag dinner1 and the possible excuse for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated--a finale1 ,i am grieved to say1 that has happened on more than one occasion4 ,at the stag dinner you should have your best man1 your ushers1 and several of your friends4 ,you can invite a married man or so1 especially if he is a very jolly fellow1 and it is expected that some one or more of your bride's relatives will be included4 ,twelve is a good number1 but1 of course1 never thirteen1 because women are generally superstitious1 and should this become known to your future one it might cause her great mental anxiety4 ,the gloves1 ties1 and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man and ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put in the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu4 ,perhaps it might be more prudent to place them at the covers1 but it would hardly be good form1 as there would be in that case several of the guests without favors4 ,and1 besides1 a dinner with favors is not permissible in these days4 ,boutonnieres of lilies of the valley should be also placed at each cover4 ,the menu cards should be simple but tasteful4 ,elaborate menus are not now in the best form4 ,in fact1 with a bachelor dinner1 as with all functions of this kind1 elegant simplicity should be the predominating characteristic2 cut glass and silver are all that is required4 ,in the center of the table a basket1 or1 better1 a silver jardiniere of roses1 is the only floral decoration4 ,during the course of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect4 ,it is sometimes the custom--and a very pretty one--for each guest to note a sentiment on a menu card or simply his own name1 and have that sent also with the flowers4 ,the dinner itself can1 but need not be very elaborate4 ,i do not like a dinner of many courses4 ,it is usual to serve sherry and whisky and caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner1 and also to have cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table1 although it is not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served4 ,i would recommend raw oysters1 a clear soup1 a bit of fish with sliced cucumber--an attractive entree2 a fillet with vegetables1 canvas-back duck1 cheese and salad1 coffee1 and fruit4 ,,the ,,ceremony4 ,on the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansom or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man4 ,the best man calls for him and takes him to the church4 ,they should time their movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour appointed for the ceremony4 ,the same precaution should be observed if it is a house wedding4 ,at day weddings afternoon dress is de rigueur for bridegroom1 best man1 ushers1 and all male guests4 ,the bridegroom1 best man1 and ushers should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match1 trousers of dark gray striped1 patent-leather shoes1 gray suede gloves1 white or pearl-colored scarfs1 and top hats4 ,the ,english have allowed some latitude1 and wear gray frock coats and even colored shirts1 but this fashion is not generally in vogue in ,america4 ,evening weddings require formal evening dress4 ,a wedding at dusk in winter1 where the bride wears traveling costume1 calls for afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom4 ,the bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry4 ,they remain in the back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify them of the presence of the bride4 ,the best man must see before the ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat1 as well as his own1 is sent to the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on their exit4 ,when the bride1 on the arm of her father or guardian1 approaches the altar1 the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry1 either together or the best man in advance4 ,in the latter case the best man steps back at the chancel rail1 and allows the bridegroom to pass before him4 ,the bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar or reading desk and the best man on his right4 ,the bride is on the bridegroom's left1 and her father or guardian a little behind her on her left4 ,to avoid confusion1 the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening or two before4 ,much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which the couple belong4 ,the best man has charge of the ring1 and must produce it and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded4 ,at the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride and bridegroom in the procession1 escorting the maid of honor1 unless the cortege has been differently arranged4 ,in that case1 he makes his way either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door1 where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party4 ,at the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor1 or with a near relative of the bride's family4 ,he may use the bridegroom's hansom from the church to the house1 or he may go with one of the family4 ,there is no rule for this4 ,the bride and bridegroom use the bride's carriage4 ,the best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman4 ,the bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose4 ,as already stated1 he also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers1 the funds for which are also provided by the bridegroom4 ,he pays his own personal expenses4 ,the ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony4 ,the bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal1 but that is not in the least obligatory4 ,they can take hansoms or cabs1 or for that matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage4 ,the ushers stand at the foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to seats4 ,an usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the aisle4 ,even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort1 the usher should offer her his arm1 and the other man walks up behind them4 ,if an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction to the lady he is showing to a seat1 a bow and a smile when leaving her is all that is necessary4 ,an usher1 being a friend of the family1 knows those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives or family connections4 ,the bride's brothers1 if they are ushers1 take care of the members of their family1 and the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his relations4 ,the relatives of the bride are placed in the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar1 and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side4 ,at the arrival of the bridal party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for the procession up the aisle or nave4 ,their meeting thus is the cue for the sexton1 who signals the organist1 and the march is started4 ,the ushers advance up the aisle1 two by two1 until they reach the chancel1 where they divide on the right and on the left1 allowing the bridesmaids to pass before them1 standing in a semicircle around the altar rails4 ,if it is a ,roman ,catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel4 ,they file down the aisle in the same order1 heading the bridal procession4 ,at the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in their carriages1 and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certain carriages escorting the bridesmaids4 ,at the reception the bride and bridegroom take their places under a wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the two front windows1 or1 again1 in the back drawing room4 ,the house is decorated with palms1 potted plants1 flowers1 and other foliage4 ,pink and white orchids1 ferns1 and chrysanthemums make very effective decorations4 ,the mother of the bride1 or nearest female relative1 stands at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests4 ,the ushers and bridesmaids are scattered about the room4 ,if there is only a reception1 then the guests1 after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house1 pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wish the bride joy4 ,unless you are an intimate friend1 do not attempt any set speech4 ,the bride will say1 if she has not seen you for a short time before the wedding1 ,i must thank you1 ,mr4 ,smith1 for your beautiful present1 or something of that kind4 ,if you do not know the bridegroom she will present you to him4 ,if you are a friend of the bridegroom he will present you to the bride1 and should say1 if such is the case1 ,evangeline1 or ,may1 or ,margaret1 or otherwise2 or ,my dear1 let me present to you ,mr4 ,algernon ,smith1 who1 you remember1 is one of my best friends4 ,and if ,mrs4 ---- has any tact1 she will at once reply1 ,i am so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends1 and ,i must thank you1 ,mr4 ,smith1 for the beautiful bonbon dishes4 ,they were just what ,i wanted1 or words to that effect4 ,then pass on4 ,refreshments are served at a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room4 ,if you enter with a lady1 ask her what she would like1 and get it for her4 ,then take your own choice of refreshment1 and stand or sit by her as the accommodations of the room will permit4 ,a half hour at a wedding reception is sufficient4 ,it is not good form to bid good-by to the bride and bridegroom1 but only to the lady of the house4 ,if there is no chaperon--for instance1 if the bride be a widow or divorcee and is in her own home--then you must bid her good-by1 but in such cases large receptions are not given4 ,there is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party1 at which the bride1 escorted by the bridegroom1 leads the way4 ,the bride's father1 escorting the bridegroom's mother1 the ushers and bridesmaids and relatives follow4 ,in this country we have no special law of precedence1 and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal4 ,there are no toasts4 ,after breakfast the valet1 should there be one1 must be ready with the bridegroom's valise1 when his master retires to put on a tweed suit for traveling2 otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants4 ,with the coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers1 as also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows1 and perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants1 the happy couple start out on their wedding journey4 ,i think it is better taste to wait until dark1 almost1 so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity1 and ,i am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons2 but1 of course1 one does not marry every day in the year1 and these little eccentricities are pardonable on such--shall ,i say8--an auspicious occasion4 ,at a home wedding1 as has been said above1 ushers are not necessary4 ,the same ceremonial is observed as at church1 but due allowance must be made for crowded quarters4 ,usually very few are asked to the ceremony1 but many to the reception afterward4 ,as soon as the ceremony is over congratulations are in order1 the newly married couple standing under the bell of flowers where they were married1 and receiving the good wishes of their friends4 ,if a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to be considered4 ,in ,london you are obliged to have a legal residence in the parish where the ceremony is to be performed4 ,in ,paris a civil marriage before the mayor of the district is necessary4 ,certificates of baptism must be filed with him1 and you must give proof of the legal consent of both your parents as well as those of the bride4 ,the religious ceremony takes place twenty-four hours after the civil4 ,it is strict etiquette that the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim4 ,the order of the wedding procession in ,france and on the ,continent differs vastly from that in ,england and ,america4 ,there are neither ushers nor a best man4 ,if there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany them4 ,the bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the attendants1 and the bridegroom follows1 escorting his future mother-in-law4 ,a long procession of relatives brings up the rear4 ,the men1 no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take place--and evening weddings are unknown--are in formal evening dress4 ,under the ,french law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract4 ,this should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with either one of these classes of eligibles4 ,in ,germany there are further complications1 and ,i would advise all citizens of the ,united ,states contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the legation4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,funerals4 ,when a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed in charge of a relative or a friend of the family4 ,the family itself should be kept away from every one as much as possible1 and none of the sad details left to them4 ,they should not be seen until the day of the funeral4 ,front windows should be shut1 blinds and shades pulled down1 and the outer or storm door of the house closed4 ,a servant is stationed in the hall near the door1 as on reception days1 to receive the cards of persons calling4 ,all acquaintances who have been entertained at the house leave cards in person1 others may mail them4 ,only intimate friends of the family are admitted to the house4 ,should you send flowers1 do not purchase or order any set designs4 ,they are hideous--remind one of the tenement funerals1 and are strikingly inappropriate4 ,a bunch of white roses or of violets is a beautiful offering for a young woman1 or two palms crossed1 with violets or lilies of the valley attached1 for a man or an elderly person4 ,these should be accompanied by your card4 ,if you have been an intimate friend1 a few words written--a short note of condolence--would not be amiss4 ,to all of these notes1 and in acknowledgment of these offerings1 one of the family nearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending their card with the words1 ,thank you for your kind sympathy1 or something of that sort1 written upon it4 ,as a rule1 when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubs or who has a numerous acquaintance1 it is better to have the funeral from a church4 ,pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends2 a relative never acts as pallbearer4 ,it is not customary for any except the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery4 ,ladies of the family do not accompany the remains to the cemetery1 and they frequently do not attend the funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man4 ,if the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimate friends are invited into the back parlor1 dining room1 or upstairs1 and make their appearance only when the services begin4 ,the undertaker attends to seating people1 arranging the rooms1 etc4 ,there is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral4 ,it should consist of black frock coat1 dark trousers1 dark scarf and gloves 7gray or dark tan1 but not black1 unless you are a relative71 and top hat4 ,should you be a relative or a pallbearer1 wear a black weed on your hat4 ,as to periods of mourning1 there seems to be some little difference of opinion in ,new ,york4 ,ward ,mc,allister treated the subject in quite an exhaustive manner1 advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest relatives4 ,for a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing2 for a parent1 twelve to eighteen months1 sometimes two years2 for a brother or a sister1 one year2 and for a grandparent1 six months4 ,a maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or less1 according to the intimacy which has existed between the families4 ,seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near relatives4 ,however1 people now go to the theater and small dinners and teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives4 ,it is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black4 ,a silk hat with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during the first year of their widowerhood2 but black shirt studs1 black sleeve buttons1 handkerchiefs bordered with black1 and the other abominations in which the grief-stricken ,frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated in this country4 ,in deep mourning one can wear black ties and black gloves1 but a white linen tie in summer is permissible4 ,i do not advocate the use of black scarf pins4 ,a black band on the sleeve of a gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided4 ,cards should be left after a funeral4 ,there is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce4 ,second marriages should be as quiet as possible4 ,this advice is given to bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcees4 ,,general ,,advice ,,for ,,unclassified ,,occasions4 ,if you are chosen godfather1 you are expected to send a silver mug to your godchild4 ,christening parties are held about four in the afternoon4 ,afternoon dress is required4 ,when giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known ,new ,york restaurant do not refer to it as ,del's4 ,this is an earmark of vulgarity4 ,when speaking of the city of ,new ,york do not refer to it as ,gotham4 ,this shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit4 ,even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable in any place1 they are never swells1 nor do they belong to the ,four ,hundred4 ,the latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the probable list of people who were to entertain in ,new ,york that season1 and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit4 ,if you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs4 ,fair voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit1 sweets1 or books1 as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances4 ,books1 sweets1 and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a woman accept from him4 ,the terms lady and gentleman are distinctive4 ,your friends and acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen4 ,to distinguish them as such implies a doubt4 ,should you call at a house you ask if the ladies are in1 so as to distinguish them from the other females in the household4 ,you also toast the ladies4 ,in referring to the gentler sex1 it is more complimentary to speak of them as women4 ,you would say1 ,she is a clever woman1 not a clever lady4 ,the person who speaks of a lady or a gentleman friend has a defined social position--on the ,bowery4 ,avoid slang1 especially that of the music halls or the comic 787 newspapers4 ,you can well afford not to be up to date4 ,in greeting a person say ,good morning1 ,good afternoon1 or ,good evening1 but refrain from such inane phrases as ,delighted1 ,i'm sure4 ,on introduction or presentation1 it is sufficient to say ,i am delighted to meet you4 ,avoid also the ,how d'y do8 ,how are you8 ,very well1 ,i thank you4 ,all this is idiotic4 ,whistle all you like in your bedroom1 but not in public4 ,gentlefolk have friends stopping with them1 never company4 ,servants have and keep company4 ,when you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage1 and not necessarily champagne4 ,therefore beware of the gentleman who opens wine1 or the one who gives a wine party1 whatever that may mean4 ,we speak of a dinner1 but not of a dinner party4 ,a party to the play1 no matter where the location of the places may be1 is never a box party4 ,do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster4 ,the clowns of society are not enviable beings4 ,when speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a society woman4 ,that would imply that she belongs to various societies or guilds1 which is not probably the impression you desire to convey4 ,when a person has a predilection for the use of the word elegant1 and especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful1 good1 charming1 or delightful1 you are quite just in your estimation of his or her vulgarity4 ,answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or the direct negative4 ,all right is not1 to say the least1 civil1 and is ill-bred4 ,never exhibit your accomplishments1 unless by special request1 in the public parlors of hotels1 or saloons of ships1 or other places of general gathering4 ,the persons who sing and play the piano and make themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shutting fiends1 the fidgety travelers1 the loud-voiced and constant complaining1 all of whom are most obnoxious4 ,under great provocation the expletive damn is tolerated by society1 but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud4 ,the man who swears is certainly beyond the pale1 and the one who uses silly and senseless exclamations is not far away from him4 ,one of the marks of a gentleman is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravating circumstances4 ,these are but few of the many don'ts which it seems necessary to repeat in works of this kind4 ,for a more extended catalogue of social and grammatical sins1 the reader is referred to that excellent book ,the ,verbalist1 by ,alfred ,ayres1 and the clever little brochure ,don't4 ,a careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementary questions1 the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author of the ,complete ,bachelor4 ,,index4 ,,acceptance1 invitations1 #df-dh4 ,admission to clubs1 rules for1 #abg-abi4 ,admission1 visitors to clubs1 #aca1 #acb4 ,advice1 general1 for unclassified occasions1 #aie1 #aif4 ,afternoon calls1 etiquette of1 #dc-de4 ,afternoon dress1 when worn1 #ab1 #ac4 ,afternoon tea1 #de4 ,afternoon wedding1 #ahd1 #ahe4 ,aisle1 church and theater1 going up1 #e4 ,almonds1 salted1 #fi4 ,alpine hats1 #bh4 ,amateur accomplishments1 #aii4 ,announcement cards1 #agf4 ,announcement1 engagement1 method of1 #afi4 ,answers1 ,assembly and ,patriarchs1 #dh4 ,answers1 ball invitations1 #dh4 ,answers1 committee invitations1 #dh4 ,answers1 dinner invitations1 #dh4 ,answers1 form of1 #df-dh4 ,answers1 general1 #dh4 ,artichokes1 method of eating1 #gj4 ,asparagus1 method of eating1 #gj4 ,assembly balls1 etiquette of1 #dh1 #aje-aaj4 ,,bachelor4--,for all functions with this title1 see various heads of chapters4 ,bachelor's farewell dinner1 #aha-ahd4 ,badminton1 #adh4 ,bag1 shoe1 #cj4 ,bag1 traveling1 what to take on a visit from ,friday to ,monday1 #ia-ic4 ,bag1 traveling1 voyage long1 #afj1 #afa4 ,ball1 ,assembly1 #aje-aaj4 ,ball1 ,charity1 #ajc4 ,ball1 general etiquette of1 #dh1 #ajb-aaj4 ,ball1 ,inauguration1 #ajd4 ,ball1 public1 #dh1 #ajc1 #ajd4 ,ball1 supper at1 #aaj1 #aaa4 ,bath1 bachelor's1 #ag1 #ah4 ,bathing1 #aef4 ,bath1 ,turkish1 #bb4 ,beard1 care of1 #ai4 ,best man1 dress for1 #ahd4 ,best man1 etiquette for1 #ahj-ahb1 #ahd-ahg4 ,bicycling1 #add1 #ade4 ,billiards1 #aeg1 #aeh4 ,boating1 #aef4 ,bolting food1 #fb4 ,boots1 #ab1 #ac1 #bh-cj1 #cg4 ,boots1 care of1 #bh-cj4 ,boots1 riding1 #adb4 ,boots1 russet1 #ac1 #db1 #adg1 #aee4 ,bowing1 etiquette of1 #b-f1 #i4 ,bowling1 #adg4 ,bridegroom1 #agh-ahj4 ,bridegroom1 dress of1 #ahd4 ,bridegroom1 expenses of1 #agg1 #agh4 ,bridegroom1 presents to bride and wedding party1 #agi1 #ahj4 ,brushes1 #ai-bf1 #bh-ca4 ,brushes1 clothes1 #be1 #bf1 #bh-ca4 ,brushes1 hair1 #ai1 #bb4 ,brushes1 hat1 #bh4 ,brushes1 nail1 #bb4 ,brushes1 tooth1 #bj4 ,butler1 duties of1 #ajj4 ,butter1 when served1 #ff4 ,,cabs1 ,london and ,paris1 #afd1 #afe4 ,cabs1 ushers and best men1 #ahd1 #ahf4 ,calls1 afternoon1 #dc-df4 ,calls1 balls and dances1 #de4 ,calls1 condolence1 #de1 #aic4 ,calls1 dinner1 #de4 ,calls1 evening1 #dc1 #df4 ,calls1 general etiquette of1 #dc-df1 #ajf1 #aic4 ,calls1 opera and theater1 #de1 #df4 ,calls1 period in which to be made1 #de4 ,card cases1 #ej4 ,card parties1 #ee4 ,cards1 announcement1 #agf1 #agg4 ,cards1 condolence1 #ej1 #aie4 ,cards1 etiquette of leaving1 #eb1 #ec4 ,cards1 etiquette of playing1 #aei4 ,cards1 etiquette of visiting1 #di-ec1 #ajf1 #aic4 ,cards1 how many to leave1 #ea4 ,cards1 leaving in person1 #ej1 #ea4 ,cards1 mailing1 #ej4 ,cards1 wedding1 #agd-agf4 ,carriage1 etiquette of1 #d1 #aci4 ,cars1 etiquette in street1 #d1 #h1 #i4 ,carving1 #fe4 ,ceremony1 wedding1 #ahd1 #ahe4 ,chafed faces1 how to prevent1 #ai4 ,chafing-dish suppers1 #gh4 ,chains1 watch1 #af4 ,champagne1 #ga1 #gg1 #gh1 #ha4 ,changing clothes1 #bc1 #bd4 ,chaperones1 #gf1 #gi1 #hb1 #hg1 #aji4 ,cheating at games1 #aed4 ,christening1 etiquette of1 #aif4 ,church1 aisles1 going up1 #e4 ,church1 ceremony at weddings1 #ahd1 #ahe4 ,churches1 foreign1 #aff4 ,claret1 #ga4 ,cleaning clothes1 #ca4 ,clergy1 addressing1 manner of1 #abb1 #afh4 ,closets1 clothes put in1 #bf4 ,clothes1 care of1 #bd-ca4 ,clothes1 cost of1 #cb-db4 ,clothes1 folding and brushing1 #bd-ca4 ,clothes1 overhauling1 #cj4 ,clothes1 packing and putting away1 #cj1 #ca1 #ia-ic4 ,clothes1 removing and changing1 #bc-bg4 ,clothes1 removing grease stains from1 #ca4 ,clowns of society1 #aii4 ,club1 admission of visitors1 #aca1 #acb4 ,club1 admission to1 #abh-acj4 ,club1 bowing from1 window1 #acd4 ,club1 elections to membership1 #abh-acj4 ,clubs1 etiquette of1 #abf-acf4 ,club1 pipe smoking at1 #acc4 ,club servants1 #acd4 ,club1 treating at1 #acd4 ,club1 wearing hat at1 #acc4 ,club1 where ladies are admitted1 #ace4 ,coaching1 #adc1 #add4 ,coaching1 dress for1 #add4 ,coachman1 dress or and livery1 #ih4 ,coachman1 duties of1 #ih4 ,coat of arms1 #aba4 ,coats1 care1 folding1 and keeping of1 #bd-bf4 ,coats1 cost of1 #cc-cf1 #ch4 ,coats1 dinner or ,tuxedo1 #ae1 #ce4 ,coats1 dinner or ,tuxedo1 cost of1 #ce4 ,coats1 dress or evening1 when to wear1 #ac1 #ef1 #afd-afg1 #ahf4 ,coats1 frock1 cost of1 #ch4 ,coats1 frock1 when to wear1 #ab1 #ac1 #ahf1 #ahg1 #aie4 ,coats1 frock1 colored1 #ac4 ,coats1 lounge or sack1 #aj-ab4 ,coffee1 black1 when served1 #gc4 ,company1 #aih4 ,condolence1 letters of1 #abe4 ,congratulation1 letters of1 #abe4 ,corn1 eating on cob1 #gb4 ,correspondence1 etiquette of business1 #abj-abc4 ,correspondence1 etiquette of friendly1 #aai-aba1 #abd4 ,cotillon1 etiquette of1 #aab-aah4 ,cotillon1 figures of1 #aaf-aah4 ,cotillon1 form of1 #aab-aae4 ,cotillon1 leading a1 #aac-aae4 ,country house1 entertaining by bachelor1 #hf-hi4 ,country house1 etiquette at1 #he-ic4 ,country house1 furnishing of1 #hh4 ,country house1 tipping servants at1 #ij4 ,country house1 visits at1 #hh-ij4 ,crests1 use of1 #aba4 ,crossing legs in public1 #h4 ,crossing streets1 #a1 #b4 ,cucumbers1 how served and eaten1 #fi4 ,customhouse1 ,french and ,english1 #aff1 #afg4 ,damn1 when it may be excused1 #bjj4 ,dance card1 not used in ,new ,york1 #ajh4 ,dance1 etiquette of1 #ajb-aah4 ,dance1 forms of1 #aji1 #aad-aah4 ,dance1 manner of asking to1 #ajh4 ,dances1 bachelor1 #hb4 ,dances1 dinner1 #fj4 ,dances1 invitations to1 #dh4 ,del's1 #aig4 ,diamonds1 #af4 ,dinner1 bachelor farewell1 #afa1 #afb4 ,dinner1 bachelor host at home1 #gg1 #gh4 ,dinner1 bachelor host at restaurant1 #hc4 ,dinner coat1 when worn1 #ae4 ,dinner dance1 #fj4 ,dinner1 general etiquette of1 #df1 #dg1 #ed-gd1 #gg1 #gh1 #hb1 #hc1 #afa1 #afb4 ,dinner1 serving at1 #gh1 #ajj4 ,don'ts of table etiquette1 #fb-fe4 ,dress1 afternoon1 #ac4 ,dress1 afternoon wedding1 #agi1 #ahe1 #ahg4 ,dress1 bachelor's1 for all times1 #ac-af4 ,dress1 badminton1 #adh4 ,dress1 bathing1 #aef4 ,dress1 boating1 #aef4 ,dress1 bowling1 #aeg4 ,dress1 butler1 #aja4 ,dress1 coaching1 #ach4 ,dress1 coachman1 #ih4 ,dress1 driving and coaching1 #ach4 ,dress1 evening1 #ac-ae1 #cb-ce1 #ef1 #aef1 #afd1 #aff1 #afg4 ,dress1 evening1 formal1 #ac1 #ad4 ,dress1 evening1 informal1 #ae4 ,dress1 evening wedding1 #ahg4 ,dress1 foreign1 morning and evening functions1 #afd1 #aff1 #afg4 ,dress1 funeral1 #aie4 ,dress1 golf1 #aed4 ,dress1 groom1 #if1 #ig4 ,dress1 morning or lounge1 #aa1 #ab4 ,dress1 polo1 #adh4 ,dress1 riding1 #adb4 ,dress1 riding to hounds1 #adb4 ,dress1 shipboard1 #afa1 #afb4 ,dress1 shooting1 #adf4 ,dress1 skating1 #adh4 ,dress1 tennis1 #aef4 ,dress1 theaters1 ,london and ,paris1 #aff4 ,dress1 traveling1 #afj4 ,dress1 valet1 #ii1 #ajj4 ,dress1 wheeling1 #ade4 ,dress1 yachting1 #adi1 #aeb4 ,drinking with mouth full1 #fc4 ,eggs1 eaten from shell1 #ff4 ,elevator1 etiquette of1 #e4 ,engagements1 announcement1 #afi1 #agj4 ,engagements1 etiquette of1 #afi1 #aga4 ,engagements1 presents during1 #aga4 ,engagement ring1 #agj4 ,entrees1 manner of serving1 #fi4 ,envelopes and stationery1 proper form of1 #abj1 #abb1 #abc4 ,envelopes1 sealing1 #abb1 #abc4 ,escorts1 #e1 #i4 ,esquire1 when used1 #aba4 ,expenses1 wedding1 who pays1 #agg4 ,eye1 bath for1 #ai4 ,fares1 paying1 #i4 ,fees1 foreign countries1 #afc-afe4 ,feet1 care of1 #ba4 ,fish1 manner of eating1 #fi4 ,flask1 brandy1 #afa4 ,flowers1 sending1 #aga1 #aid1 #aih4 ,foreign etiquette1 #afb1 #afd4 ,foreign marriages1 #aia1 #aib4 ,four hundred1 #aig4 ,french titles1 #afh4 ,frock coats1 #ab1 #ac1 #ch1 #ahd1 #aie4 ,fruit1 manner of eating1 #ga1 #gb4 ,gifts1 when engaged1 #aga4 ,golf1 dress for1 #aee4 ,golf1 etiquette of1 #aec1 #aed4 ,gotham1 #aig4 ,grace at meals1 #eh4 ,grape fruit1 #fg4 ,grease1 removal of1 #ca4 ,greetings1 #aih4 ,groom1 dress of1 #if1 #ig4 ,groom1 duties of1 #if-ih4 ,hairbrushes1 #bb4 ,hair1 care of1 #ba4 ,handkerchiefs1 pocket1 #ad1 #bg4 ,hands1 care of1 #bj4 ,hands on table1 #fd4 ,hat1 care of1 #bh4 ,hat1 ,derby1 when worn1 #aa4 ,hat1 ,hombourg or ,alpine1 when worn1 #aa4 ,hat1 opera or crush1 #ac4 ,hat1 straw1 #ae4 ,hat1 top or silk1 #ac1 #ad4 ,hoisting colors1 #aej1 #aea4 ,hounds1 riding to1 #adb4 ,introducing men to women1 #da4 ,introduction1 letters of1 #de4 ,introductions1 etiquette of1 #da1 #db4 ,introductions1 formal1 #da4 ,introductions1 general1 #da4 ,introductions in street not good form1 #db4 ,introductions1 when and when not made1 #da1 #db4 ,invitation1 ball1 #dh1 #ajc4 ,invitation1 dance1 #dh4 ,invitation1 dinner1 #df1 #dg4 ,invitation1 luncheon1 #ed1 #gf4 ,invitation1 wedding1 #agb-agf4 ,invitations1 various forms of1 #df-dh1 #ed1 #gf1 #agb-agf4 ,inauguration ,ball1 #ajd4 ,jacket1 dinner or ,tuxedo coat1 #ae1 #cd1 #ce4 ,jewelry1 use of1 #af4 ,ladies annex to clubs1 #ace4 ,lady and gentleman1 when used1 #aih4 ,lancers1 #aji4 ,legs1 crossing1 #h4 ,letters1 a bachelor's1 #aai-abf4 ,letters1 addressing1 #aba-abc4 ,letters1 business1 #abb1 #abd4 ,letters1 condolence1 #abe4 ,letters1 congratulation1 #abe4 ,letters1 club1 paper written on1 #abd4 ,letters1 destroying old1 #abj4 ,letters1 friendly1 #abb4 ,letters1 hotel or business paper1 written on1 #abd4 ,letters of introduction1 #de4 ,letters1 sealing1 #abc4 ,letters1 stamping1 #abc4 ,lifting hat1 occasions for1 #b-g4 ,lift or elevators1 etiquette of1 #e4 ,liqueurs1 #gc4 ,london1 cab and hotel fees1 #afe1 #aff4 ,london1 general traveling etiquette1 #afe1 #aff4 ,luncheon dishes1 #ff4 ,luncheons1 #ed-ef1 #ff1 #gd1 #gf1 #gg4 ,luncheons1 bachelor1 #gf1 #gg4 ,lunch1 quick1 #fd4 ,macaroni1 #gb4 ,mailing cards1 #ea4 ,manners1 code of table1 #fd-gc4 ,marriage announcements1 #agf4 ,marriage ceremony1 #agh4 ,marriages1 formalities at foreign1 #aib4 ,men servants1 #id-aja4 ,menus1 #fg1 #gg1 #gh1 #ha1 #aaa1 #ahc4 ,ministers fees1 by whom paid1 #ahf4 ,morning bath1 #ag4 ,morning or lounge suit1 #aa1 #ab4 ,mr4 and ,esq41 when to use1 #aba4 ,mushrooms1 how to eat1 #gj4 ,nailbrushes1 #bj4 ,nails1 #bj4 ,napkin1 proper use of1 #fc4 ,nervous people at table1 #fc4 ,nobility1 addressing1 #afg1 #afh4 ,omnibus1 ,paris and ,london1 #aff4 ,olives1 how to eat1 #fi4 ,opera or crush hat1 #ad1 #ci4 ,opera or theater calls1 #de4 ,opera1 visits between the acts1 #hj4 ,overcoats1 #ad-af1 #be4 ,overcoats1 ,chesterfield and covert1 #ad-af4 ,overhauling clothes1 #cj4 ,oysters1 #fh4 ,oyster cocktails1 #fh4 ,paper1 note1 correct kind1 #abj4 ,paris cabs1 #afe4 ,paris1 etiquette for strangers1 #afd-aff4 ,paris theaters1 #aff4 ,park suits1 #ac4 ,patriarchs' ,ball1 #aje-aaa4 ,picnics1 #he-hg4 ,pipe smoking1 #g1 #acc4 ,pope1 audience with1 #aff4 ,pourboires1 #afe4 ,programme at ,london theaters1 #afd4 ,queen1 how to address1 #aff4 ,quick lunch1 #fb4 ,radishes1 when served1 #fg4 ,reception1 wedding1 #ahh4 ,removing grease1 #ca4 ,restaurant1 bachelor dinner and luncheon at1 #hj-hc4 ,restaurants1 etiquette of1 #e1 #f4 ,riding1 #adj1 #ada4 ,riding to hounds1 #adb4 ,ring1 engagement1 #afi1 #agj4 ,sack suits1 #ab4 ,salad1 #ga4 ,salt and pepper1 individual1 #ge4 ,savories1 #ga4 ,scarves1 #af4 ,scotch whisky1 #gc4 ,sea1 costume at1 #afa1 #afb4 ,sealing letters1 #abc4 ,seat1 giving one's1 in car or ferry1 #h1 #i4 ,second helping1 #fe4 ,servants1 a bachelor's1 #id-aja4 ,servants1 club1 #acb1 #acd4 ,servants1 general duties of1 #id1 #ie4 ,shaven1 clean1 servants1 #id1 #ie4 ,shaving1 #ah1 #ai4 ,shawl straps1 #afa4 ,sherry1 #fi4 ,ship1 etiquette on board1 #afj-afb4 ,ship1 sending flowers to1 #aih4 ,shirts1 #aa-ad1 #bd1 #cb1 #ce1 #cg4 ,shirts1 colored1 #ab1 #cg4 ,shoe bag1 #cj4 ,shoes and boots1 care of1 #bh1 #bi4 ,shoes1 black leather1 #ab4 ,shoes1 cost of1 #cf4 ,shoes1 general information about1 #ab1 #ad1 #bh1 #bi1 #cg1 #ch4 ,shoes1 patent leather1 #ab1 #ad1 #bh1 #bi4 ,shoes1 russet1 #ab1 #bi1 #ade1 #aee1 #afb4 ,shooting1 #adf4 ,shops1 etiquette of1 #d4 ,signatures to letters1 #aba4 ,smoking1 #g1 #acc4 ,smoking in street1 #g4 ,smoking1 pipe1 #g1 #acc4 ,slang1 use of1 #aih4 ,society lady1 #aii4 ,soup1 #fh4 ,sporting bachelor1 #acf-afj4 ,stages1 etiquette of1 #d1 #h4 ,stairways1 etiquette of1 #f1 #g4 ,stamping letters1 #abc4 ,stamp1 use of club1 #abc4 ,standing1 in presence of women1 #f1 #h4 ,staring at women1 #h4 ,stationery1 business and hotel1 #abd4 ,stationery1 club1 #abd1 #acd4 ,stationery1 proper to use1 #abj1 #abd4 ,stopping acquaintances in street1 #d4 ,strawberries1 #gb4 ,street1 crossing1 with lady1 #a4 ,street1 etiquette of1 #a-i4 ,street1 introductions on1 #db4 ,street1 smoking in1 #g4 ,stick1 proper method of holding1 #g4 ,style of walking1 proper1 #g4 ,supper1 ball and dance1 #aaj1 #aaa4 ,supper1 chafing-dish1 #gh4 ,supper1 given by a bachelor1 #gh1 #ha1 #hc1 #hd4 ,supper1 restaurant1 #gh1 #ha1 #hb4 ,supper1 suggestions for menu1 #gh1 #ha1 #hb4 ,swearing1 caution against1 #aih4 ,table1 carving at1 #fe4 ,table manners1 #fb-gd4 ,table1 setting and arrangement of1 #ge1 #gf4 ,tea1 afternoon1 etiquette of1 #de4 ,teeth1 care of1 #ai1 #bj4 ,tennis1 etiquette of1 #adh4 ,terrapin1 how to eat and serve1 #gj4 ,theater aisle1 walking down1 #e4 ,theater and opera1 calls at1 #de1 #df4 ,theater clubs1 #hb4 ,theater1 etiquette at1 #c-e1 #h1 #de1 #df1 #gh-hj1 #hb4 ,theater parties1 #gh-hb4 ,theaters1 etiquette at foreign1 #afb1 #afc4 ,third person1 addressing people in1 #abb4 ,ties and scarfs1 #aa1 #ab1 #ad1 #af1 #ce1 #agi1 #ahd4 ,ties1 men's1 cost of1 #ce4 ,ties1 presentation of1 to best man and ushers1 #agi4 ,tips and tipping1 #ij1 #acb1 #afe1 #aff4 ,titles1 foreign1 #afg1 #afh4 ,toasts at dinner1 #fd4 ,toothbrushes1 care of1 #bj4 ,tooth washes1 #ai1 #bj4 ,toilet articles1 care of1 #bb4 ,toilet1 bachelor's1 #ag-bd4 ,tonic for hair1 #ba4 ,towels for bath1 #ah4 ,traveling1 etiquette of1 abroad1 #afa-afc4 ,traveling1 etiquette of1 in ,america1 #afj-afb4 ,trousers1 care of1 #bf1 #bg4 ,trousers1 folding1 #bf4 ,trousers1 white duck and flannel1 #ab4 ,trunk1 or bag1 packed for ,friday to ,monday visit1 #hi4 ,trunks1 how to pack1 #afj4 ,trunks1 traveling with1 #afa4 ,turkish baths1 #bb4 ,tuxedo coat1 when to wear1 #ae4 ,umbrella1 how to carry1 #g4 ,usher1 dress of1 #ahd4 ,ushers1 duties of1 at wedding1 #ahf1 #ahg4 ,valet1 dress of1 #ii1 #ajj4 ,valet1 duties of1 #ih-ajj4 ,visiting cards1 #di-ec4 ,visiting cards1 leaving1 mailing1 sending1 #ea-ec4 ,visiting cards1 style of1 #di1 #ej4 ,visiting1 country house1 #he-ic4 ,visiting1 fashionable time for1 in ,new ,york1 #dc4 ,visitors at clubs1 #aca1 #acb4 ,von1 use of title1 #afh4 ,walking1 etiquette of1 #a-h4 ,walking1 proper style of1 #g4 ,waltzing1 #aji4 ,wedding1 announcement1 cards1 #agf4 ,wedding1 church1 #ahd-ahf4 ,wedding etiquette1 #agb-aic4 ,wedding expenses1 #agg4 ,wedding1 house1 #ahh4 ,wedding1 hour fashionable for1 #agb4 ,wedding receptions1 #ahh1 #ahi4 ,weddings1 divorcee's and widow's1 #agf1 #aib4 ,weddings1 ,english and ,french1 #add1 #ade4 ,wheeling1 etiquette of1 #add1 #ade4 ,wheeling1 proper dress for1 #ade4 ,whisky1 ,scotch1 #gc4 ,yachting1 club rules for1 cruise1 #adi-aea4 ,yachting1 etiquette of1 #adh-aeb4 ,yachting1 proper dress for1 #adi4 ,yachting1 proper uniform for officers and crew1 #aeb4 ,,the ,,end4 ,transcriber's ,note3 ,the following typographical errors from the original edition have been corrected4 ,no other corrections have been made to the original text4 ,in addition1 page references in the index contain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies4 ,in most cases1 the ,,html version links to the nearest relevant section2 in one case1 no link has been provided4 ,in ,chapter ,,ii1 ,evening dress is de rigeur has been changed to ,evening dress is de rigueur4 ,in ,chapter ,,vii1 conveyed thereform in carriages has been changed to conveyed therefrom in carriages4 ,in ,chapter ,,viii1 ,chatreuse1 kuemmel1 curacoa1 and cognac has been changed to ,chartreuse1 kuemmel1 curacoa1 and cognac4 ,in ,chapter ,,xix1 carriages for the cortege has been changed to carriages for the cortege1 unless the cortege has been differently arranged has been changed to unless the cortege has been differently arranged1 and the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations has been changed to the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his relations4 ,in ,chapter ,,xx1 a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of the sentence ,servants have and keep 'company4'