,siddh>?a ,an ,indian ,tale by ,h]man ,hesse ,cont5ts ,,fir/ ,,"p ,,! ,,son ,,( ,,! ,,brahman ,,) ,,! ,,samanas ,,gotama ,,awak5+ ,,second ,,"p ,,kamala ,,) ,,! ,,*ildlike ,,p ,,sans>a ,,by ,,! ,,riv] ,,! ,,f]ryman ,,! ,,son ,,om ,,gov9da ,,fir/ ,,"p ,to ,roma9 ,roll&1 my de> fri5d ,,! ,,son ,,( ,,! ,,brahman ,9 ! %ade ( ! h\se1 9 ! sun%9e ( ! riv]bank ne> ! boats1 9 ! %ade ( ! ,sal-wood =e/1 9 ! %ade ( ! fig tree is :]e ,siddh>?a grew up1 ! h&some son ( ! ,brahman1 ! "y falcon1 toge!r ) 8 fri5d ,gov9da1 son ( a ,brahman4 ,! sun tann$ 8 light %\ld]s by ! banks ( ! riv] :5 ba?+1 p]=m+ ! sacr$ ablutions1 ! sacr$ (f]+s4 ,9 ! mango grove1 %ade p\r$ into 8 black eyes1 :5 play+ z a boy1 :5 8 "m sang1 :5 ! sacr$ (f]+s 7 made1 :5 8 fa!r1 ! s*ol>1 taught him1 :5 ! wise m5 talk$4 ,= a long "t1 ,siddh>?a _h be5 p>tak+ 9 ! discussions ( ! wise m51 practis+ debate ) ,gov9da1 practis+ ) ,gov9da ! art ( reflection1 ! s]vice ( m$itation4 ,he already knew h[ to speak ! ,om sil5tly1 ! ^w ( words1 to speak x sil5tly into himself :ile inhal+1 to speak x sil5tly out ( himself :ile exhal+1 ) all ! conc5tration ( 8 s\l1 ! =ehead surr\nd$ by ! gl[ ( ! cle>-?9k+ _s4 ,he already knew to feel ,atman 9 ! dep?s ( 8 be+1 inde/ructible1 "o ) ! univ]se4 ,joy leapt 9 8 fa!r's he>t = 8 son :o 0 quick to le>n1 ?ir/y = k2 he saw him gr[+ up to become great wise man & prie/1 a pr9ce among ! ,brahmans4 ,bliss leapt 9 8 "m's brea/ :5 %e saw him1 :5 %e saw him walk+1 :5 %e saw him sit d[n & get up1 ,siddh>?a1 /rong1 h&some1 he :o 0 walk+ on sl5d] legs1 greet+ h] ) p]fect respect4 ,love t\*$ ! he>ts ( ! ,brahmans' "y daught]s :5 ,siddh>?a walk$ ?r\gh ! lanes ( ! t[n ) ! lum9\s =ehead1 ) ! eye ( a k+1 ) 8 slim hips4 ,b m ?an all ! o!rs he 0 lov$ by ,gov9da1 8 fri5d1 ! son ( a ,brahman4 ,he lov$ ,siddh>?a's eye & sweet voice1 he lov$ 8 walk & ! p]fect dec5cy ( 8 movem5ts1 he lov$ ev]y?+ ,siddh>?a did & said & :at he lov$ mo/ 0 8 _s1 8 transc5d5t1 fi]y ?\ghts1 8 ard5t w1 8 high call+4 ,gov9da knew3 he w\ld n become a common ,brahman1 n a lazy (ficial 9 *>ge ( (f]+s2 n a gre$y m]*ant ) magic spells2 n a va91 vacu\s speak]2 n a mean1 deceitful prie/2 & also n a dec5t1 /upid %eep 9 ! h]d ( ! _m4 ,no1 & he1 ,gov9da1 z well did n want to become "o ( ^?1 n "o ( ^? t5s ( ?\s&s ( ,brahmans4 ,he want$ to foll[ ,siddh>?a1 ! belov$1 ! spl5did4 ,& 9 days to come1 :5 ,siddh>?a w\ld become a god1 :5 he w\ld jo9 ! glori\s1 !n ,gov9da want$ to foll[ him z 8 fri5d1 8 companion1 8 s]vant1 8 spe>-c>ri]1 8 %ad[4 ,siddh>?a 0 ?us lov$ by ev]yone4 ,he 0 a s\rce ( joy = ev]ybody1 he 0 a delight = !m all4 ,b he1 ,siddh>?a1 0 n a s\rce ( joy = himself1 he f\nd no delight 9 himself4 ,walk+ ! rosy pa?s ( ! fig tree g>d51 sitt+ 9 ! blui% %ade ( ! grove ( contemplation1 wa%+ 8 limbs daily 9 ! ba? ( rep5tance1 sacrific+ 9 ! dim %ade ( ! mango =e/1 8 ge/ures ( p]fect dec5cy1 ev]yone's love & joy1 he /ill lack$ all joy 9 8 he>t4 ,dreams & re/less ?\ghts came into 8 m9d1 fl[+ f ! wat] ( ! riv]1 sp>kl+ f ! />s ( ! night1 melt+ f ! beams ( ! sun1 dreams came to him & a re/lessness ( ! s\l1 fum+ f ! sacrifices1 brea?+ =? f ! v]ses ( ! ,rig-,v$a1 be+ infus$ into him1 drop by drop1 f ! tea*+s ( ! old ,brahmans4 ,siddh>?a _h />t$ to nurse discont5t 9 himself1 he _h />t$ to feel t ! love ( 8 fa!r & ! love ( 8 "m1 & also ! love ( 8 fri5d1 ,gov9da1 w\ld n br+ him joy = ev] & ev]1 w\ld n nurse him1 fe$ him1 satisfy him4 ,he _h />t$ to suspect t 8 v5]able fa!r & 8 o!r tea*]s1 t ! wise ,brahmans _h already reveal$ to him ! mo/ & be/ ( _! wisdom1 t !y _h already fill$ 8 expect+ vessel ) _! ri*ness1 & ! vessel 0 n full1 ! _s 0 n cont5t1 ! s\l 0 n calm1 ! he>t 0 n satisfi$4 ,! ablutions 7 good1 b !y 7 wat]1 !y did n wa% (f ! s91 !y did n heal ! _s's ?ir/1 !y did n relieve ! fe> 9 8 he>t4 ,! sacrifices & ! invocation ( ! gods 7 excell5t--b 0 t all8 ,did ! sacrifices give a happy =tune8 ,& :at ab\t ! gods8 ,0 x really ,prajapati :o _h creat$ ! _w8 ,0 x n ! ,atman1 ,he1 ! only "o1 ! s+ul> "o8 ,7 ! gods n creations1 creat$ l me & y1 subject to "t1 mortal8 ,0 x !re=e good1 0 x "r1 0 x mean+ful & ! highe/ occupation to make (f]+s to ! gods8 ,= :om else 7 (f]+s to be made1 :o else 0 to be wor%ipp$ b ,him1 ! only "o1 ! ,atman8 ,& :]e 0 ,atman to be f\nd1 :]e did ,he reside1 :]e did 8 et]nal he>t beat1 :]e else b 9 "o's own self1 9 its inn]mo/ "p1 9 its inde/ructible "p1 :i* ev]yone _h 9 himself8 ,b :]e1 :]e 0 ?is self1 ?is inn]mo/ "p1 ?is ultimate "p8 ,x 0 n fle% & bone1 x 0 nei!r ?\ght nor consci\sness1 ?us ! wise/ ones taught4 ,s1 :]e1 :]e 0 x8 ,to rea* ?is place1 ! self1 myself1 ! ,atman1 !re 0 ano!r way1 :i* 0 wor?:ile look+ =8 ,alas1 & nobody %[$ ?is way1 nobody knew x1 n ! fa!r1 & n ! tea*]s & wise m51 n ! holy sacrificial songs6 ,!y knew ev]y?+1 ! ,brahmans & _! holy books1 !y knew ev]y?+1 !y _h tak5 c>e ( ev]y?+ & ( m ?an ev]y?+1 ! creation ( ! _w1 ! orig9 ( spee*1 ( food1 ( inhal+1 ( exhal+1 ! arrangem5t ( ! s5ses1 ! acts ( ! gods1 !y knew inf9itely mu*--b 0 x valuable to "k all ( ?is1 n kn[+ t "o & only ?+1 ! mo/ important ?+1 ! solely important ?+8 ,surely1 _m v]ses ( ! holy books1 p>ticul>ly 9 ! ,upani%ades ( ,samav$a1 spoke ( ?is inn]mo/ & ultimate ?+1 wond]ful v]ses4 8,y\r s\l is ! :ole _w01 0 writt5 !re1 & x 0 writt5 t man 9 8 sleep1 9 8 deep sleep1 w\ld meet ) 8 inn]mo/ "p & w\ld reside 9 ! ,atman4 ,m>vell\s wisdom 0 9 ^! v]ses1 all k ( ! wise/ ones _h be5 collect$ "h 9 magic words1 pure z honey collect$ by bees4 ,no1 n to be look$ d[n ^u 0 ! trem5d\s am\nt ( enlight5m5t :i* lay "h collect$ & pres]v$ by innum]able g5]ations ( wise ,brahmans4--,b :]e 7 ! ,brahmans1 :]e ! prie/s1 :]e ! wise m5 or p5it5ts1 :o _h succe$$ 9 n j kn[+ ?is deepe/ ( all k b also to live x8 ,:]e 0 ! kn[l$geable "o :o wove 8 spell to br+ 8 famili>ity ) ! ,atman out ( ! sleep into ! /ate ( be+ awake1 into ! life1 into e /ep ( ! way1 into ^w & de$8 ,siddh>?a knew _m v5]able ,brahmans1 *iefly 8 fa!r1 ! pure "o1 ! s*ol>1 ! mo/ v5]able "o4 ,8 fa!r 0 to be admir$1 quiet & noble 7 8 mann]s1 pure 8 life1 wise 8 words1 delicate & noble ?\ghts liv$ beh9d its br[--b ev5 he1 :o knew s mu*1 did he live 9 blissfulness1 did he h peace1 0 he n also j a se>*+ man1 a ?ir/y man8 ,did he n1 aga9 & aga91 h to dr9k f holy s\rces1 z a ?ir/y man1 f ! (f]+s1 f ! books1 f ! disputes ( ! ,brahmans8 ,:y did he1 ! irreproa*able "o1 h to wa% (f s9s e day1 /rive = a cleans+ e day1 ov] & ov] e day8 ,0 n ,atman 9 him1 did n ! pri/9e s\rce spr+ f 8 he>t8 ,x _h to be f\nd1 ! pri/9e s\rce 9 "o's own self1 x _h to be possess$6 ,ev]y?+ else 0 se>*+1 0 a det\r1 0 gett+ lo/4 ,?us 7 ,siddh>?a's ?\ghts1 ?is 0 8 ?ir/1 ?is 0 8 suff]+4 ,(t5 he spoke to himself f a ,*&ogya-,upani%ad ! words3 8,truly1 ! "n ( ! ,brahman is satyam--v]ily1 he :o kn[s su* a ?+1 w ent] ! heav5ly _w e day40 ,(t51 x seem$ ne>1 ! heav5ly _w1 b nev] he _h rea*$ x completely1 nev] he _h qu5*$ ! ultimate ?ir/4 ,& among all ! wise & wise/ m51 he knew & ^: in/ructions he _h receiv$1 among all ( !m !re 0 no "o1 :o _h rea*$ x completely1 ! heav5ly _w1 :o _h qu5*$ x completely1 ! et]nal ?ir/4 8,gov9da10 ,siddh>?a spoke to 8 fri5d1 8,gov9da1 my de>1 come ) me "u ! ,banyan tree1 let's practise m$itation40 ,!y w5t to ! ,banyan tree1 !y sat d[n1 ,siddh>?a "r "h1 ,gov9da tw5ty paces away4 ,:ile putt+ himself d[n1 ready to speak ! ,om1 ,siddh>?a repeat$ murmur+ ! v]se3 ,om is ! b[1 ! arr[ is s\l1 ,! ,brahman is ! arr['s t>get1 ,t "o %\ld incessantly hit4 ,aft] ! usual "t ( ! ex]cise 9 m$itation _h pass$1 ,gov9da rose4 ,! ev5+ _h come1 x 0 "t to p]=m ! ev5+'s ablution4 ,he call$ ,siddh>?a's "n4 ,siddh>?a did n answ]4 ,siddh>?a sat !re lo/ 9 ?\ght1 8 eyes 7 rigidly focus$ t[>ds a v di/ant t>get1 ! tip ( 8 tongue 0 protrud+ a little betwe5 ! tee?1 he seem$ n to brea!4 ,?us sat he1 wrapp$ up 9 contemplation1 ?9k+ ,om1 8 s\l s5t aft] ! ,brahman z an arr[4 ,once1 ,samanas _h travell$ ?r\gh ,siddh>?a's t[n1 ascetics on a pilgrimage1 ?ree sk9ny1 )]$ m51 nei!r old nor "y1 ) du/y & bloody %\ld]s1 almo/ nak$1 scor*$ by ! sun1 surr\nd$ by lonel9ess1 /rang]s & enemies to ! _w1 /rang]s & lank jackals 9 ! realm ( humans4 ,beh9d !m blew a hot sc5t ( quiet passion1 ( de/ructive s]vice1 ( m]ciless self-d5ial4 ,9 ! ev5+1 aft] ! h\r ( contemplation1 ,siddh>?a spoke to ,gov9da3 8,e>ly tomorr[ morn+1 my fri5d1 ,siddh>?a w g to ! ,samanas4 ,he w become a ,samana40 ,gov9da turn$ pale1 :5 he he>d ^! words & read ! decision 9 ! motionless face ( 8 fri5d1 un/oppable l ! arr[ %ot f ! b[4 ,soon & ) ! fir/ glance1 ,gov9da realiz$3 ,n[ x is beg9n+1 n[ ,siddh>?a is tak+ 8 own way1 n[ 8 fate is beg9n+ to spr\t1 & ) 81 my own4 ,& he turn$ pale l a dry banana-sk94 8,o ,siddh>?a10 he exclaim$1 8w y\r fa!r p]mit y to d t80 ,siddh>?a look$ ov] z if he 0 j wak+ up4 ,arr[-fa/ he read 9 ,gov9da's s\l1 read ! fe>1 read ! submission4 8,o ,gov9da10 he spoke quietly1 8let's n wa/e words4 ,tomorr[1 at daybreak ,i w beg9 ! life ( ! ,samanas4 ,speak no m ( x40 ,siddh>?a ent]$ ! *amb]1 :]e 8 fa!r 0 sitt+ on a mat ( ba/1 & /epp$ beh9d 8 fa!r & rema9$ /&+ !re1 until 8 fa!r felt t someone 0 /&+ beh9d him4 ,quo? ! ,brahman3 8,is t y1 ,siddh>?a8 ,!n say :at y came to say40 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,) y\r p]mission1 my fa!r4 ,i came to tell y t x is my long+ to leave y\r h\se tomorr[ & g to ! ascetics4 ,my desire is to become a ,samana4 ,may my fa!r n oppose ?is40 ,! ,brahman fell sil5t1 & rema9$ sil5t = s long t ! />s 9 ! small w9d[ w&]$ & *ang$ _! relative positions1 'ere ! sil5ce 0 brok54 ,sil5t & motionless /ood ! son ) 8 arms fold$1 sil5t & motionless sat ! fa!r on ! mat1 & ! />s trac$ _! pa?s 9 ! sky4 ,!n spoke ! fa!r3 8,n prop] x is = a ,brahman to speak h>% & angry words4 ,b indignation is 9 my he>t4 ,i wi% n to he> ?is reque/ = a second "t f y\r m\?40 ,sl[ly1 ! ,brahman rose2 ,siddh>?a /ood sil5tly1 8 arms fold$4 8,:at are y wait+ =80 ask$ ! fa!r4 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,y "k :at40 ,indignant1 ! fa!r left ! *amb]2 indignant1 he w5t to 8 b$ & lay d[n4 ,aft] an h\r1 s9ce no sleep _h come ov] 8 eyes1 ! ,brahman /ood up1 pac$ to & fro1 & left ! h\se4 ,?r\gh ! small w9d[ ( ! *amb] he look$ back inside1 & !re he saw ,siddh>?a /&+1 8 arms fold$1 n mov+ f 8 spot4 ,pale %imm]$ 8 bright robe4 ,) anxiety 9 8 he>t1 ! fa!r return$ to 8 b$4 ,aft] ano!r h\r1 s9ce no sleep _h come ov] 8 eyes1 ! ,brahman /ood up aga91 pac$ to & fro1 walk$ out ( ! h\se & saw t ! moon _h ris54 ,?r\gh ! w9d[ ( ! *amb] he look$ back inside2 !re /ood ,siddh>?a1 n mov+ f 8 spot1 8 arms fold$1 moonlight reflect+ f 8 b>e %9s4 ,) worry 9 8 he>t1 ! fa!r w5t back to b$4 ,& he came back aft] an h\r1 he came back aft] two h\rs1 look$ ?r\gh ! small w9d[1 saw ,siddh>?a /&+1 9 ! moon light1 by ! light ( ! />s1 9 ! d>kness4 ,& he came back h\r aft] h\r1 sil5tly1 he look$ into ! *amb]1 saw him /&+ 9 ! same place1 fill$ 8 he>t ) ang]1 fill$ 8 he>t ) unre/1 fill$ 8 he>t ) angui%1 fill$ x ) sadness4 ,& 9 ! night's la/ h\r1 be=e ! day began1 he return$1 /epp$ into ! room1 saw ! "y man /&+ !re1 :o seem$ tall & l a /rang] to him4 8,siddh>?a10 he spoke1 8:at are y wait+ =80 8,y "k :at40 8,w y always /& t way & wait1 until x'll becomes morn+1 noon1 & ev5+80 8,i w /& & wait40 8,y w become tir$1 ,siddh>?a40 8,i w become tir$40 8,y w fall asleep1 ,siddh>?a40 8,i w n fall asleep40 8,y w die1 ,siddh>?a40 8,i w die40 8,& w\ld y r die1 ?an obey y\r fa!r80 8,siddh>?a has always obey$ 8 fa!r40 8,s w y ab&on y\r plan80 8,siddh>?a w d :at 8 fa!r w tell him to d40 ,! fir/ light ( day %one into ! room4 ,! ,brahman saw t ,siddh>?a 0 trembl+ s(tly 9 8 knees4 ,9 ,siddh>?a's face he saw no trembl+1 8 eyes 7 fix$ on a di/ant spot4 ,!n 8 fa!r realiz$ t ev5 n[ ,siddh>?a no long] dwelt ) him 9 8 home1 t he _h already left him4 ,! ,fa!r t\*$ ,siddh>?a's %\ld]4 8,y w10 he spoke1 8g into ! =e/ & be a ,samana4 ,:5 y'll h f\nd blissfulness 9 ! =e/1 !n come back & tea* me to be blissful4 ,if y'll f9d disappo9tm5t1 !n return & let u once aga9 make (f]+s to ! gods toge!r4 ,g n[ & kiss y\r "m1 tell h] :]e y are go+ to4 ,b = me x is "t to g to ! riv] & to p]=m ! fir/ ablution40 ,he took 8 h& f ! %\ld] ( 8 son & w5t outside4 ,siddh>?a wav]$ to ! side1 z he tri$ to walk4 ,he put 8 limbs back "u control1 b[$ to 8 fa!r1 & w5t to 8 "m to d z 8 fa!r _h said4 ,z he sl[ly left on /iff legs 9 ! fir/ light ( day ! /ill quiet t[n1 a %ad[ rose ne> ! la/ hut1 :o _h cr\*$ !re1 & jo9$ ! pilgrim--,gov9da4 8,y h come10 said ,siddh>?a & smil$4 8,i h come10 said ,gov9da4 ,,) ,,! ,,samanas ,9 ! ev5+ ( ?is day !y caught up ) ! ascetics1 ! sk9ny ,samanas1 & (f]$ !m _! companion%ip &--ob$i5ce4 ,!y 7 accept$4 ,siddh>?a gave 8 g>m5ts to a poor ,brahman 9 ! /reet4 ,he wore no?+ m ?an ! lo9clo? & ! e>?-col\r$1 uns[n cloak4 ,he ate only once a day1 & nev] some?+ cook$4 ,he fa/$ = fifte5 days4 ,he fa/$ = tw5ty-eight days4 ,! fle% wan$ f 8 ?ighs & *eeks4 ,fev]i% dreams flick]$ f 8 enl>g$ eyes1 long nails grew sl[ly on 8 p>*$ f+]s & a dry1 %aggy be>d grew on 8 *94 ,8 glance turn$ to ice :5 he enc\nt]$ wom52 8 m\? twit*$ ) contempt1 :5 he walk$ ?r\gh a city ( nicely dress$ p4 ,he saw m]*ants trad+1 pr9ces hunt+1 m\rn]s wail+ = _! dead1 :ores (f]+ !mselves1 physicians try+ to help ! sick1 prie/s det]m9+ ! mo/ suitable day = se$+1 lov]s lov+1 mo!rs nurs+ _! *ildr5--& all ( ?is 0 n wor?y ( "o look f 8 eye1 x all li$1 x all /ank1 x all /ank ( lies1 x all pret5d$ to be mean+ful & joyful & beautiful1 & x all 0 j conceal$ putrefaction4 ,! _w ta/$ bitt]4 ,life 0 torture4 ,a goal /ood be=e ,siddh>?a1 a s+le goal3 to become empty1 empty ( ?ir/1 empty ( wi%+1 empty ( dreams1 empty ( joy & sorr[4 ,dead to himself1 n to be a self any m1 to f9d tranquility ) an empti$ he>t1 to be op5 to miracles 9 unselfi% ?\ghts1 t 0 8 goal4 ,once all ( my self 0 ov]come & _h di$1 once e desire & e urge 0 sil5t 9 ! he>t1 !n ! ultimate "p ( me _h to awake1 ! inn]mo/ ( my be+1 :i* is no long] my self1 ! great secret4 ,sil5tly1 ,siddh>?a expos$ himself to burn+ rays ( ! sun directly above1 gl[+ ) pa91 gl[+ ) ?ir/1 & /ood !re1 until he nei!r felt any pa9 nor ?ir/ any m4 ,sil5tly1 he /ood !re 9 ! ra9y season1 f 8 hair ! wat] 0 dripp+ ov] freez+ %\ld]s1 ov] freez+ hips & legs1 & ! p5it5t /ood !re1 until he c\ld n feel ! cold 9 8 %\ld]s & legs any m1 until !y 7 sil5t1 until !y 7 quiet4 ,sil5tly1 he c[]$ 9 ! ?orny bu%es1 blood dripp$ f ! burn+ sk91 f fe/]+ w\nds dripp$ pus1 & ,siddh>?a /ay$ rigidly1 /ay$ motionless1 until no blood fl[$ any m1 until no?+ /ung any m1 until no?+ burn$ any m4 ,siddh>?a sat upright & le>n$ to brea! sp>+ly1 le>n$ to get along ) only few brea!s1 le>n$ to /op brea?+4 ,he le>n$1 beg9n+ ) ! brea?1 to calm ! beat ( 8 he>t1 le>n$ to r$uce ! beats ( 8 he>t1 until !y 7 only a few & almo/ none4 ,in/ruct$ by ! olde/ ( ! ,samanas1 ,siddh>?a practis$ self-d5ial1 practis$ m$itation1 accord+ to a new ,samana rules4 ,a h]on flew ov] ! bamboo =e/--& ,siddh>?a accept$ ! h]on into 8 s\l1 flew ov] =e/ & m\nta9s1 0 a h]on1 ate fi%1 felt ! pangs ( a h]on's hung]1 spoke ! h]on's croak1 di$ a h]on's dea?4 ,a dead jackal 0 ly+ on ! s&y bank1 & ,siddh>?a's s\l slipp$ inside ! body1 0 ! dead jackal1 lay on ! banks1 got bloat$1 /ank1 decay$1 0 dismemb]$ by hya5as1 0 sk9n$ by vultures1 turn$ into a skeleton1 turn$ to du/1 0 bl[n across ! fields4 ,& ,siddh>?a's s\l return$1 _h di$1 _h decay$1 0 scatt]$ z du/1 _h ta/$ ! gloomy intoxication ( ! cycle1 await$ 9 new ?ir/ l a hunt] 9 ! gap1 :]e he c\ld escape f ! cycle1 :]e ! end ( ! causes1 :]e an et]nity )\t suff]+ began4 ,he kill$ 8 s5ses1 he kill$ 8 memory1 he slipp$ out ( 8 self into ?\s&s ( o!r =ms1 0 an animal1 0 c>rion1 0 /one1 0 wood1 0 wat]1 & awoke e "t to f9d 8 old self aga91 sun %one or moon1 0 8 self aga91 turn$ r\nd 9 ! cycle1 felt ?ir/1 ov]came ! ?ir/1 felt new ?ir/4 ,siddh>?a le>n$ a lot :5 he 0 ) ! ,samanas1 _m ways lead+ away f ! self he le>n$ to g4 ,he w5t ! way ( self-d5ial by means ( pa91 ?r\gh volunt>ily suff]+ & ov]com+ pa91 hung]1 ?ir/1 tir$ness4 ,he w5t ! way ( self-d5ial by means ( m$itation1 ?r\gh imag9+ ! m9d to be void ( all conceptions4 ,^! & o!r ways he le>n$ to g1 a ?\s& times he left 8 self1 = h\rs & days he rema9$ 9 ! non-self4 ,b ?\gh ! ways l$ away f ! self1 _! end nev]!less always l$ back to ! self4 ,?\gh ,siddh>?a fl$ f ! self a ?\s& times1 /ay$ 9 no?+ness1 /ay$ 9 ! animal1 9 ! /one1 ! return 0 inevitable1 inescapable 0 ! h\r1 :5 he f\nd himself back 9 ! sun%9e or 9 ! moonlight1 9 ! %ade or 9 ! ra91 & 0 once aga9 8 self & ,siddh>?a1 & aga9 felt ! agony ( ! cycle :i* _h be5 =c$ ^u him4 ,by 8 side liv$ ,gov9da1 8 %ad[1 walk$ ! same pa?s1 und]took ! same ef=ts4 ,!y r>ely spoke to "o ano!r1 ?an ! s]vice & ! ex]cises requir$4 ,occasionally ! two ( !m w5t ?r\gh ! villages1 to beg = food = !mselves & _! tea*]s4 8,h[ d y ?9k1 ,gov9da10 ,siddh>?a spoke "o day :ile begg+ ?is way1 8h[ d y ?9k did we progress8 ,did we rea* any goals80 ,gov9da answ]$3 8,we h le>n$1 & we'll cont9ue le>n+4 ,y'll be a great ,samana1 ,siddh>?a4 ,quickly1 y've le>n$ e ex]cise1 (t5 ! old ,samanas h admir$ y4 ,"o day1 y'll be a holy man1 oh ,siddh>?a40 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,i c't help b feel t x is n l ?is1 my fri5d4 ,:at ,i've le>n$1 be+ among ! ,samanas1 up to ?is day1 ?is1 oh ,gov9da1 ,i c\ld h le>n$ m quickly & by simpl] means4 ,9 e tav]n ( t "p ( a t[n :]e ! :oreh\ses are1 my fri5d1 among c>t]s & gambl]s ,i c\ld h le>n$ x40 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,siddh>?a is putt+ me on4 ,h[ c\ld y h le>n$ m$itation1 hold+ y\r brea?1 ins5sitivity aga9/ hung] & pa9 !re among ^! wret*$ p80 ,& ,siddh>?a said quietly1 z if he 0 talk+ to himself3 8,:at is m$itation8 ,:at is leav+ "o's body8 ,:at is fa/+8 ,:at is hold+ "o's brea?8 ,x is flee+ f ! self1 x is a %ort escape ( ! agony ( be+ a self1 x is a %ort numb+ ( ! s5ses aga9/ ! pa9 & ! po9tlessness ( life4 ,! same escape1 ! same %ort numb+ is :at ! driv] ( an ox-c>t f9ds 9 ! inn1 dr9k+ a few b[ls ( rice-w9e or f]m5t$ coconut-milk4 ,!n he won't feel 8 self any m1 !n he won't feel ! pa9s ( life any m1 !n he f9ds a %ort numb+ ( ! s5ses4 ,:5 he falls asleep ov] 8 b[l ( rice-w9e1 he'll f9d ! same :at ,siddh>?a & ,gov9da f9d :5 !y escape _! bodies ?r\gh long ex]cises1 /ay+ 9 ! non-self4 ,?is is h[ x is1 oh ,gov9da40 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,y say s1 oh fri5d1 & yet y "k t ,siddh>?a is no driv] ( an ox-c>t & a ,samana is no drunk>d4 ,x's true t a dr9k] numbs 8 s5ses1 x's true t he briefly escapes & re/s1 b he'll return f ! delusion1 f9ds ev]y?+ to be un*ang$1 has n become wis]1 has ga!r$ no enlight5m5t1--has n ris5 sev]al /eps40 ,& ,siddh>?a spoke ) a smile3 8,i d n "k1 ,i've nev] be5 a drunk>d4 ,b t ,i1 ,siddh>?a1 f9d only a %ort numb+ ( ! s5ses 9 my ex]cises & m$itations & t ,i am j z f> remov$ f wisdom1 f salvation1 z a *ild 9 ! "m's womb1 ?is ,i "k1 oh ,gov9da1 ?is ,i "k40 ,& once aga91 ano!r "t1 :5 ,siddh>?a left ! =e/ toge!r ) ,gov9da1 to beg = "s food 9 ! village = _! bro!rs & tea*]s1 ,siddh>?a began to speak & said3 8,:at n[1 oh ,gov9da1 might we be on ! "r pa?8 ,might we get clos] to enlight5m5t8 ,might we get clos] to salvation8 ,or d we p]haps live 9 a circle--we1 :o h ?\ght we 7 escap+ ! cycle80 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,we h le>n$ a lot1 ,siddh>?a1 !re is /ill mu* to le>n4 ,we are n go+ ar\nd 9 circles1 we are mov+ up1 ! circle is a spiral1 we h already asc5d$ _m a level40 ,siddh>?a answ]$3 8,h[ old1 w\ld y ?9k1 is our olde/ ,samana1 our v5]able tea*]80 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,our olde/ "o might be ab\t sixty ye>s ( age40 ,& ,siddh>?a3 8,he has liv$ = sixty ye>s & has n rea*$ ! nirvana4 ,he'll turn sev5ty & eighty1 & y & me1 we w gr[ j z old & w d our ex]cises1 & w fa/1 & w m$itate4 ,b we w n rea* ! nirvana1 he won't & we won't4 ,oh ,gov9da1 ,i believe out ( all ! ,samanas out !re1 p]haps n a s+le "o1 n a s+le "o1 w rea* ! nirvana4 ,we f9d com=t1 we f9d numbness1 we le>n feats1 to deceive o!rs4 ,b ! mo/ important ?+1 ! pa? ( pa?s1 we w n f9d40 8,if y only10 spoke ,gov9da1 8w\ldn't speak su* t]rible words1 ,siddh>?a6 ,h[ c\ld x be t among s _m le>n$ m51 among s _m ,brahmans1 among s _m au/]e & v5]able ,samanas1 among s _m :o are se>*+1 s _m :o are eag]ly try+1 s _m holy m51 no "o w f9d ! pa? ( pa?s80 ,b ,siddh>?a said 9 a voice :i* conta9$ j z mu* sadness z mock]y1 ) a quiet1 a slightly sad1 a slightly mock+ voice3 8,soon1 ,gov9da1 y\r fri5d w leave ! pa? ( ! ,samanas1 he has walk$ along y\r side = s long4 ,i'm suff]+ ( ?ir/1 oh ,gov9da1 & on ?is long pa? ( a ,samana1 my ?ir/ has rema9$ z /rong z ev]4 ,i always ?ir/$ = k1 ,i h always be5 full ( que/ions4 ,i h ask$ ! ,brahmans1 ye> aft] ye>1 & ,i h ask$ ! holy ,v$as1 ye> aft] ye>1 & ,i h ask$ ! devote ,samanas1 ye> aft] ye>4 ,p]haps1 oh ,gov9da1 x _h be5 j z well1 _h be5 j z sm>t & j z pr(itable1 if ,i _h ask$ ! hornbill-bird or ! *impanzee4 ,x took me a long "t & am n f9i%$ le>n+ ?is yet1 oh ,gov9da3 t !re is no?+ to be le>n$6 ,!re is inde$ no su* ?+1 s ,i believe1 z :at we ref] to z #8le>n+'4 ,!re is1 oh my fri5d1 j "o k1 ?is is ev]y:]e1 ?is is ,atman1 ?is is )9 me & )9 y & )9 e creature4 ,& s ,i'm />t+ to believe t ?is k has no wors] enemy ?an ! desire to "k x1 ?an le>n+40 ,at ?is1 ,gov9da /opp$ on ! pa?1 rose 8 h&s1 & spoke3 8,if y1 ,siddh>?a1 only w\ld n bo!r y\r fri5d ) ?is k9d ( talk6 ,truly1 y words /ir up fe> 9 my he>t4 ,& j consid]3 :at w\ld become ( ! sanctity ( pray]1 :at ( ! v5]ability ( ! ,brahmans' ca/e1 :at ( ! hol9ess ( ! ,samanas1 if x 0 z y say1 if !re 0 no le>n+86 ,:at1 oh ,siddh>?a1 :at w\ld !n become ( all ( ?is :at is holy1 :at is preci\s1 :at is v5]able on e>?860 ,& ,gov9da mumbl$ a v]se to himself1 a v]se f an ,upani%ad3 ,he :o pond]+ly1 ( a purifi$ _s1 loses himself 9 ! m$itation ( ,atman1 unexpressable by words is 8 blissfulness ( 8 he>t4 ,b ,siddh>?a rema9$ sil5t4 ,he ?\ght ab\t ! words :i* ,gov9da _h said to him & ?\ght ! words ?r\gh to _! end4 ,yes1 he ?\ght1 /&+ !re ) 8 head l[1 :at w\ld rema9 ( all t :i* seem$ to u to be holy8 ,:at rema9s8 ,:at c /& ! te/8 ,& he %ook 8 head4 ,at "o "t1 :5 ! two "y m5 _h liv$ among ! ,samanas = ab\t ?ree ye>s & _h %>$ _! ex]cises1 "s news1 a rum\r1 a my? rea*$ !m aft] be+ retold _m times3 ,a man _h appe>$1 ,gotama by "n1 ! exalt$ "o1 ! ,buddha1 he _h ov]come ! suff]+ ( ! _w 9 himself & _h halt$ ! cycle ( rebir?s4 ,he 0 said to w&] ?r\gh ! l&1 tea*+1 surr\nd$ by disciples1 )\t possession1 )\t home1 )\t a wife1 9 ! yell[ cloak ( an ascetic1 b ) a *e]ful br[1 a man ( bliss1 & ,brahmans & pr9ces w\ld b[ d[n be=e him & w\ld become 8 /ud5ts4 ,?is my?1 ?is rum\r1 ?is leg5d res\nd$1 its fragrance rose up1 "h & !re2 9 ! t[ns1 ! ,brahmans spoke ( x & 9 ! =e/1 ! ,samanas2 aga9 & aga91 ! "n ( ,gotama1 ! ,buddha rea*$ ! e>s ( ! "y m51 ) good & ) bad talk1 ) praise & ) defamation4 ,x 0 z if ! plague _h brok5 out 9 a c\ntry & news _h be5 spread+ ar\nd t 9 "o or ano!r place !re 0 a man1 a wise man1 a kn[l$geable "o1 ^: ^w & brea? 0 en\gh to heal ev]yone :o _h be5 infect$ ) ! pe/il5ce1 & z su* news w\ld g ?r\gh ! l& & ev]yone w\ld talk ab\t x1 _m w\ld believe1 _m w\ld d\bt1 b _m w\ld get on _! way z soon z possible1 to seek ! wise man1 ! help]1 j l ?is my? ran ?r\gh ! l&1 t fragrant my? ( ,gotama1 ! ,buddha1 ! wise man ( ! family ( ,sakya4 ,he possess$1 s ! believ]s said1 ! highe/ enlight5m5t1 he rememb]$ 8 previ\s lives1 he _h rea*$ ! nirvana & nev] return$ into ! cycle1 0 nev] aga9 subm]g$ 9 ! murky riv] ( physical =ms4 ,_m wond]ful & unbelievable ?+s 7 report$ ( him1 he _h p]=m$ miracles1 _h ov]come ! devil1 _h spok5 to ! gods4 ,b 8 enemies & disbeliev]s said1 ?is ,gotama 0 a va9 s$uc]1 :o sp5t 8 days 9 luxury1 scorn$ ! (f]+s1 0 )\t le>n+1 & knew nei!r ex]cises nor self-ca/igation4 ,! my? ( ,buddha s\nd$ sweet4 ,! sc5t ( magic fl[$ f ^! reports4 ,aft] all1 ! _w 0 sick1 life 0 h>d to be>--& behold1 "h a s\rce seem$ to spr+ =?1 "h a mess5g] seem$ to call out1 com=t+1 mild1 full ( noble promises4 ,ev]y:]e :]e ! rum\r ( ,buddha 0 he>d1 ev]y:]e 9 ! l&s ( ,india1 ! "y m5 li/5$ up1 felt a long+1 felt hope1 & among ! ,brahmans' sons ( ! t[ns & villages e pilgrim & /rang] 0 welcome1 :5 he br\ght news ( him1 ! exalt$ "o1 ! ,sakyamuni4 ,! my? _h also rea*$ ! ,samanas 9 ! =e/1 & also ,siddh>?a1 & also ,gov9da1 sl[ly1 drop by drop1 e drop lad5 ) hope1 e drop lad5 ) d\bt4 ,!y r>ely talk$ ab\t x1 because ! olde/ "o ( ! ,samanas did n l ?is my?4 ,he _h he>d t ?is alleg$ ,buddha us$ to be an ascetic be=e & _h liv$ 9 ! =e/1 b _h !n turn$ back to luxury & worldly pleasures1 & he _h no high op9ion ( ?is ,gotama4 8,oh ,siddh>?a10 ,gov9da spoke "o day to 8 fri5d4 8,today1 ,i 0 9 ! village1 & a ,brahman invit$ me into 8 h\se1 & 9 8 h\se1 !re 0 ! son ( a ,brahman f ,magadha1 :o has se5 ! ,buddha ) 8 own eyes & has he>d him tea*4 ,v]ily1 ?is made my *e/ a*e :5 ,i brea!d1 & ?\ght to myself3 ,if only ,i w\ld too1 if only we bo? w\ld too1 ,siddh>?a & me1 live to see ! h\r :5 we w he> ! tea*+s f ! m\? ( ?is p]fect$ man6 ,speak1 fri5d1 w\ldn't we want to g !re too & li/5 to ! tea*+s f ! ,buddha's m\?80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,always1 oh ,gov9da1 ,i _h ?\ght1 ,gov9da w\ld /ay ) ! ,samanas1 always ,i _h believ$ 8 goal 0 to live to be sixty & sev5ty ye>s ( age & to keep on practis+ ^? feats & ex]cises1 :i* are becom+ a ,samana4 ,b behold1 ,i _h n kn[n ,gov9da well en\gh1 ,i knew little ( 8 he>t4 ,s n[ y1 my fai?ful fri5d1 want to take a new pa? & g !re1 :]e ! ,buddha spreads 8 tea*+s40 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,y're mock+ me4 ,mock me if y l1 ,siddh>?a6 ,b h y n also develop$ a desire1 an eag]ness1 to he> ^! tea*+s8 ,& h y n at "o "t said to me1 y w\ld n walk ! pa? ( ! ,samanas = mu* long]80 ,at ?is1 ,siddh>?a laugh$ 9 8 v own mann]1 9 :i* 8 voice assum$ a t\* ( sadness & a t\* ( mock]y1 & said3 8,well1 ,gov9da1 y've spok5 well1 y've rememb]$ correctly4 ,if y only rememb]$ ! o!r ?+ z well1 y've he>d f me1 :i* is t ,i h gr[n di/ru/ful & tir$ aga9/ tea*+s & le>n+1 & t my fai? 9 words1 :i* are br\ght to u by tea*]s1 is small4 ,b let's d x1 my de>1 ,i am will+ to li/5 to ^! tea*+s--?\gh 9 my he>t ,i believe t we've already ta/$ ! be/ fruit ( ^! tea*+s40 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,y\r will+ness delights my he>t4 ,b tell me1 h[ %\ld ?is be possible8 ,h[ %\ld ! ,gotama's tea*+s1 ev5 be=e we h he>d !m1 h already reveal$ _! be/ fruit to u80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,let u eat ?is fruit & wait = ! re/1 oh ,gov9da6 ,b ?is fruit1 :i* we already n[ receiv$ ?anks to ! ,gotama1 consi/$ 9 him call+ u away f ! ,samanas6 ,:e!r he has also o!r & bett] ?+s to give u1 oh fri5d1 let u await ) calm he>ts40 ,on ?is v same day1 ,siddh>?a in=m$ ! olde/ "o ( ! ,samanas ( 8 decision1 t he want$ to leave him4 ,he in=m$ ! olde/ "o ) all ! c\rtesy & mode/y becom+ to a y\ng] "o & a /ud5t4 ,b ! ,samana became angry1 because ! two "y m5 want$ to leave him1 & talk$ l\dly & us$ crude swe>words4 ,gov9da 0 />tl$ & became emb>rass$4 ,b ,siddh>?a put 8 m\? close to ,gov9da's e> & :isp]$ to him3 8,n[1 ,i want to %[ ! old man t ,i've le>n$ some?+ f him40 ,position+ himself closely 9 front ( ! ,samana1 ) a conc5trat$ s\l1 he captur$ ! old man's glance ) 8 glances1 depriv$ him ( 8 p[]1 made him mute1 took away 8 free w1 subdu$ him "u 8 own w1 comm&$ him1 to d sil5tly1 :atev] he dem&$ him to d4 ,! old man became mute1 8 eyes became motionless1 8 w 0 p>alys$1 8 arms 7 hang+ d[n2 )\t p[]1 he _h fall5 victim to ,siddh>?a's spell4 ,b ,siddh>?a's ?\ghts br\ght ! ,samana "u _! control1 he _h to c>ry out1 :at !y comm&$4 ,& ?us1 ! old man made sev]al b[s1 p]=m$ ge/ures ( bless+1 spoke /amm]+ly a godly wi% = a good j\rney4 ,& ! "y m5 return$ ! b[s ) ?anks1 return$ ! wi%1 w5t on _! way ) salutations4 ,on ! way1 ,gov9da said3 8,oh ,siddh>?a1 y h le>n$ m f ! ,samanas ?an ,i knew4 ,x is h>d1 x is v h>d to ca/ a spell on an old ,samana4 ,truly1 if y _h /ay$ !re1 y w\ld soon h le>n$ to walk on wat]40 8,i d n seek to walk on wat]10 said ,siddh>?a4 8,let old ,samanas be cont5t ) su* feats60 ,,gotama ,9 ! t[n ( ,sava?i1 e *ild knew ! "n ( ! exalt$ ,buddha1 & e h\se 0 prep>$ to fill ! alms-di% ( ,gotama's disciples1 ! sil5tly begg+ ones4 ,ne> ! t[n 0 ,gotama's fav\rite place to /ay1 ! grove ( ,jetavana1 :i* ! ri* m]*ant ,ana?ap9dika1 an ob$i5t wor%ipp] ( ! exalt$ "o1 _h giv5 him & 8 p = a gift4 ,all tales & answ]s1 :i* ! two "y ascetics _h receiv$ 9 _! se>* = ,gotama's abode1 _h po9t$ !m t[>ds ?is area4 ,& arriv+ at ,sava?i1 9 ! v fir/ h\se1 be=e ! door ( :i* !y /opp$ to beg1 food has be5 (f]$ to !m1 & !y accept$ ! food1 & ,siddh>?a ask$ ! woman1 :o h&$ !m ! food3 8,we w\ld l to "k1 oh *>itable "o1 :]e ! ,buddha dwells1 ! mo/ v5]able "o1 = we are two ,samanas f ! =e/ & h come1 to see him1 ! p]fect$ "o1 & to he> ! tea*+s f 8 m\?40 ,quo? ! woman3 8,"h1 y h truly come to ! "r place1 y ,samanas f ! =e/4 ,y %\ld "k1 9 ,jetavana1 9 ! g>d5 ( ,ana?ap9dika is :]e ! exalt$ "o dwells4 ,!re y pilgrims %all sp5d ! night1 = !re is en\gh space = ! innum]able1 :o flock "h1 to he> ! tea*+s f 8 m\?40 ,?is made ,gov9da happy1 & full ( joy he exclaim$3 8,well s1 ?us we h rea*$ our de/9ation1 & our pa? has come to an end6 ,b tell u1 oh "m ( ! pilgrims1 d y "k him1 ! ,buddha1 h y se5 him ) y\r own eyes80 ,quo? ! woman3 8,_m times ,i h se5 him1 ! exalt$ "o4 ,on _m days1 ,i h se5 him1 walk+ ?r\gh ! alleys 9 sil5ce1 we>+ 8 yell[ cloak1 pres5t+ 8 alms-di% 9 sil5ce at ! doors ( ! h\ses1 leav+ ) a fill$ di%40 ,delight$ly1 ,gov9da li/5$ & want$ to ask & he> mu* m4 ,b ,siddh>?a urg$ him to walk on4 ,!y ?ank$ & left & h>dly _h to ask = directions1 = r _m pilgrims & monks z well f ,gotama's community 7 on _! way to ! ,jetavana4 ,& s9ce !y rea*$ x at night1 !re 7 con/ant arrivals1 %\ts1 & talk ( ^? :o s\ght %elt] & got x4 ,! two ,samanas1 accu/om$ to life 9 ! =e/1 f\nd quickly & )\t mak+ any noise a place to /ay & re/$ !re until ! morn+4 ,at sunrise1 !y saw ) a/oni%m5t :at a l>ge cr[d ( believ]s & curi\s p _h sp5t ! night "h4 ,on all pa?s ( ! m>vell\s grove1 monks walk$ 9 yell[ robes1 "u ! trees !y sat "h & !re1 9 deep contemplation--or 9 a conv]sation ab\t spiritual matt]s1 ! %ady g>d5s look$ l a city1 full ( p1 bu/l+ l bees4 ,! majority ( ! monks w5t out ) _! alms-di%1 to collect food 9 t[n = _! lun*1 ! only meal ( ! day4 ,! ,buddha himself1 ! enlight5$ "o1 0 also 9 ! habit ( tak+ ?is walk to beg 9 ! morn+4 ,siddh>?a saw him1 & he in/antly recognis$ him1 z if a god _h po9t$ him out to him4 ,he saw him1 a simple man 9 a yell[ robe1 be>+ ! alms-di% 9 8 h&1 walk+ sil5tly4 8,look "h60 ,siddh>?a said quietly to ,gov9da4 8,?is "o is ! ,buddha40 ,att5tively1 ,gov9da look$ at ! monk 9 ! yell[ robe1 :o seem$ to be 9 no way diff]5t f ! hundr$s ( o!r monks4 ,& soon1 ,gov9da also realiz$3 ,?is is ! "o4 ,& !y foll[$ him & obs]v$ him4 ,! ,buddha w5t on 8 way1 mode/ly & deep 9 8 ?\ghts1 8 calm face 0 nei!r happy nor sad1 x seem$ to smile quietly & inw>dly4 ,) a hidd5 smile1 quiet1 calm1 some:at resembl+ a heal?y *ild1 ! ,buddha walk$1 wore ! robe & plac$ 8 feet j z all ( 8 monks did1 accord+ to a precise rule4 ,b 8 face & 8 walk1 8 quietly l[]$ glance1 8 quietly dangl+ h& & ev5 e f+] ( 8 quietly dangl+ h& express$ peace1 express$ p]fection1 did n se>*1 did n imitate1 brea!d s(tly 9 an un:i!r+ calm1 9 an un:i!r+ light1 an unt\*able peace4 ,?us ,gotama walk$ t[>ds ! t[n1 to collect alms1 & ! two ,samanas recognis$ him solely by ! p]fection ( 8 calm1 by ! quietness ( 8 appe>ance1 9 :i* !re 0 no se>*+1 no desire1 no imitation1 no ef=t to be se51 only light & peace4 8,today1 we'll he> ! tea*+s f 8 m\?10 said ,gov9da4 ,siddh>?a did n answ]4 ,he felt little curiosity = ! tea*+s1 he did n believe t !y w\ld tea* him any?+ new1 b he _h1 j z ,gov9da _h1 he>d ! cont5ts ( ?is ,buddha's tea*+s aga9 & aga91 ?\gh ^! reports only repres5t$ second- or ?ird-h& in=mation4 ,b att5tively he look$ at ,gotama's head1 8 %\ld]s1 8 feet1 8 quietly dangl+ h&1 & x seem$ to him z if e jo9t ( e f+] ( ?is h& 0 ( ^! tea*+s1 spoke (1 brea!d (1 exhal$ ! fragrant (1 gli/5$ ( tru?4 ,?is man1 ?is ,buddha 0 tru?ful d[n to ! ge/ure ( 8 la/ f+]4 ,?is man 0 holy4 ,nev] be=e1 ,siddh>?a _h v5]at$ a p]son s mu*1 nev] be=e he _h lov$ a p]son z mu* z ?is "o4 ,!y bo? foll[$ ! ,buddha until !y rea*$ ! t[n & !n return$ 9 sil5ce1 = !y !mselves int5d$ to ab/a9 f on ?is day4 ,!y saw ,gotama return+--:at he ate c\ld n ev5 h satisfi$ a bird's appetite1 & !y saw him retir+ into ! %ade ( ! mango-trees4 ,b 9 ! ev5+1 :5 ! heat cool$ d[n & ev]yone 9 ! camp />t$ to bu/le ab\t & ga!r$ ar\nd1 !y he>d ! ,buddha tea*+4 ,!y he>d 8 voice1 & x 0 also p]fect$1 0 ( p]fect calmness1 0 full ( peace4 ,gotama taught ! tea*+s ( suff]+1 ( ! orig9 ( suff]+1 ( ! way to relieve suff]+4 ,calmly & cle>ly 8 quiet spee* fl[$ on4 ,suff]+ 0 life1 full ( suff]+ 0 ! _w1 b salvation f suff]+ _h be5 f\nd3 salvation 0 obta9$ by him :o w\ld walk ! pa? ( ! ,buddha4 ,) a s(t1 yet firm voice ! exalt$ "o spoke1 taught ! f\r ma9 doctr9es1 taught ! eightfold pa?1 pati5tly he w5t ! usual pa? ( ! tea*+s1 ( ! examples1 ( ! repetitions1 brightly & quietly 8 voice hov]$ ov] ! li/5]s1 l a light1 l a />ry sky4 ,:5 ! ,buddha--night _h already fall5--end$ 8 spee*1 _m a pilgrim /epp$ =w>d & ask$ to be accept$ into ! community1 s\ght refuge 9 ! tea*+s4 ,& ,gotama accept$ !m by speak+3 8,y h he>d ! tea*+s well1 x has come to y well4 ,?us jo9 u & walk 9 hol9ess1 to put an end to all suff]+40 ,behold1 !n ,gov9da1 ! %y "o1 also /epp$ =w>d & spoke3 8,i also take my refuge 9 ! exalt$ "o & 8 tea*+s10 & he ask$ to be accept$ into ! community ( 8 disciples & 0 accept$4 ,"r aft]w>ds1 :5 ! ,buddha _h retir$ = ! night1 ,gov9da turn$ to ,siddh>?a & spoke eag]ly3 8,siddh>?a1 x is n my place to scold y4 ,we h bo? he>d ! exalt$ "o1 we h bo? p]ceiv$ ! tea*+s4 ,gov9da has he>d ! tea*+s1 he has tak5 refuge 9 x4 ,b y1 my hon\r$ fri5d1 don't y also want to walk ! pa? ( salvation8 ,w\ld y want to hesitate1 d y want to wait any long]80 ,siddh>?a awak5$ z if he _h be5 asleep1 :5 he he>d ,gov9da's words4 ,= a long "t1 he look$ into ,gov9da's face4 ,!n he spoke quietly1 9 a voice )\t mock]y3 8,gov9da1 my fri5d1 n[ y h tak5 ?is /ep1 n[ y h *os5 ?is pa?4 ,always1 oh ,gov9da1 y've be5 my fri5d1 y've always walk$ "o /ep beh9d me4 ,(t5 ,i h ?\ght3 ,won't ,gov9da = once also take a /ep by himself1 )\t me1 out ( 8 own s\l8 ,behold1 n[ y've turn$ into a man & are *oos+ y\r pa? = y\rself4 ,i wi% t y w\ld g x up to its end1 oh my fri5d1 t y %all f9d salvation60 ,gov9da1 n completely und]/&+ x yet1 repeat$ 8 "q 9 an impati5t tone3 8,speak up1 ,i beg y1 my de>6 ,tell me1 s9ce x c\ld n be any o!r way1 t y also1 my le>n$ fri5d1 w take y\r refuge ) ! exalt$ ,buddha60 ,siddh>?a plac$ 8 h& on ,gov9da's %\ld]3 8,y fail$ to he> my good wi% = y1 oh ,gov9da4 ,i'm repeat+ x3 ,i wi% t y w\ld g ?is pa? up to its end1 t y %all f9d salvation60 ,9 ?is mom5t1 ,gov9da realiz$ t 8 fri5d _h left him1 & he />t$ to weep4 8,siddh>?a60 he exclaim$ lam5t+ly4 ,siddh>?a k9dly spoke to him3 8,don't =get1 ,gov9da1 t y are n[ "o ( ! ,samanas ( ! ,buddha6 ,y h r5\nc$ y\r home & y\r p>5ts1 r5\nc$ y\r bir? & possessions1 r5\nc$ y\r free w1 r5\nc$ all fri5d%ip4 ,?is is :at ! tea*+s require1 ?is is :at ! exalt$ "o wants4 ,?is is :at y want$ = y\rself4 ,tomorr[1 oh ,gov9da1 ,i'll leave y40 ,= a long "t1 ! fri5ds cont9u$ walk+ 9 ! grove2 = a long "t1 !y lay !re & f\nd no sleep4 ,& ov] & ov] aga91 ,gov9da urg$ 8 fri5d1 he %\ld tell him :y he w\ld n want to seek refuge 9 ,gotama's tea*+s1 :at fault he w\ld f9d 9 ^! tea*+s4 ,b ,siddh>?a turn$ him away e "t & said3 8,be cont5t1 ,gov9da6 ,v good are ! tea*+s ( ! exalt$ "o1 h[ c\ld ,i f9d a fault 9 !m80 ,v e>ly 9 ! morn+1 a foll[] ( ,buddha1 "o ( 8 olde/ monks1 w5t ?r\gh ! g>d5 & call$ all ^? to him :o _h z novices tak5 _! refuge 9 ! tea*+s1 to dress !m up 9 ! yell[ robe & to in/ruct !m 9 ! fir/ tea*+s & duties ( _! position4 ,!n ,gov9da broke loose1 embrac$ once aga9 8 *ildhood fri5d & left ) ! novices4 ,b ,siddh>?a walk$ ?r\gh ! grove1 lo/ 9 ?\ght4 ,!n he happ5$ to meet ,gotama1 ! exalt$ "o1 & :5 he greet$ him ) respect & ! ,buddha's glance 0 s full ( k9dness & calm1 ! "y man summon$ 8 c\rage & ask$ ! v5]able "o = ! p]mission to talk to him4 ,sil5tly ! exalt$ "o nodd$ 8 approval4 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,ye/]day1 oh exalt$ "o1 ,i _h be5 privileg$ to he> y\r wondr\s tea*+s4 ,toge!r ) my fri5d1 ,i _h come f af>1 to he> y\r tea*+s4 ,& n[ my fri5d is go+ to /ay ) y\r p1 he has tak5 8 refuge ) y4 ,b ,i w aga9 />t on my pilgrimage40 8,z y please10 ! v5]able "o spoke politely4 8,too bold is my spee*10 ,siddh>?a cont9u$1 8b ,i d n want to leave ! exalt$ "o )\t hav+ hone/ly told him my ?\ghts4 ,does x please ! v5]able "o to li/5 to me = "o mom5t long]80 ,sil5tly1 ! ,buddha nodd$ 8 approval4 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,"o ?+1 oh mo/ v5]able "o1 ,i h admir$ 9 y\r tea*+s mo/ ( all4 ,ev]y?+ 9 y\r tea*+s is p]fectly cle>1 is prov52 y are pres5t+ ! _w z a p]fect *a91 a *a9 :i* is nev] & n[h]e brok51 an et]nal *a9 ! l9ks ( :i* are causes & effects4 ,nev] be=e1 ?is has be5 se5 s cle>ly2 nev] be=e1 ?is has be5 pres5t$ s irrefutably2 truly1 ! he>t ( e ,brahman has to beat /rong] ) love1 once he has se5 ! _w ?r\gh y\r tea*+s p]fectly connect$1 )\t gaps1 cle> z a cry/al1 n dep5d+ on *ance1 n dep5d+ on gods4 ,:e!r x may be good or bad1 :e!r liv+ accord+ to x w\ld be suff]+ or joy1 ,i d n wi% to discuss1 possibly ?is is n ess5tial--b ! uni=mity ( ! _w1 t ev]y?+ :i* happ5s is connect$1 t ! great & ! small ?+s are all encompass$ by ! same =ces ( "t1 by ! same law ( causes1 ( com+ into be+ & ( dy+1 ?is is :at %9es brightly out ( y\r exalt$ tea*+s1 oh p]fect$ "o4 ,b accord+ to y\r v own tea*+s1 ?is unity & necess>y sequ5ce ( all ?+s is nev]!less brok5 9 "o place1 ?r\gh a small gap1 ?is _w ( unity is invad$ by some?+ ali51 some?+ new1 some?+ :i* _h n be5 !re be=e1 & :i* _c be demon/rat$ & _c be prov53 ^! are y\r tea*+s ( ov]com+ ! _w1 ( salvation4 ,b ) ?is small gap1 ) ?is small brea*1 ! entire et]nal & uni=m law ( ! _w is break+ ap>t aga9 & becomes void4 ,please =give me = express+ ?is objection40 ,quietly1 ,gotama _h li/5$ to him1 unmov$4 ,n[ he spoke1 ! p]fect$ "o1 ) 8 k9d1 ) 8 polite & cle> voice3 8,y've he>d ! tea*+s1 oh son ( a ,brahman1 & good = y t y've ?\ght ab\t x ?us deeply4 ,y've f\nd a gap 9 x1 an error4 ,y %\ld ?9k ab\t ?is fur!r4 ,b be w>n$1 oh seek] ( k1 ( ! ?icket ( op9ions & ( argu+ ab\t words4 ,!re is no?+ to op9ions1 !y may be beautiful or ugly1 sm>t or fooli%1 ev]yone c support !m or disc>d !m4 ,b ! tea*+s1 y've he>d f me1 are no op9ion1 & _! goal is n to expla9 ! _w to ^? :o seek k4 ,!y h a diff]5t goal2 _! goal is salvation f suff]+4 ,?is is :at ,gotama tea*es1 no?+ else40 8,i wi% t y1 oh exalt$ "o1 w\ld n be angry ) me10 said ! "y man4 8,i h n spok5 to y l ?is to argue ) y1 to argue ab\t words4 ,y are truly "r1 !re is little to op9ions4 ,b let me say ?is "o m ?+3 ,i h n d\bt$ 9 y = a s+le mom5t4 ,i h n d\bt$ = a s+le mom5t t y are ,buddha1 t y h rea*$ ! goal1 ! highe/ goal t[>ds :i* s _m ?\s&s ( ,brahmans & sons ( ,brahmans are on _! way4 ,y h f\nd salvation f dea?4 ,x has come to y 9 ! c\rse ( y\r own se>*1 on y\r own pa?1 ?r\gh ?\ghts1 ?r\gh m$itation1 ?r\gh realizations1 ?r\gh enlight5m5t4 ,x has n come to y by means ( tea*+s6 ,&--?us is my ?\ght1 oh exalt$ "o1--nobody w obta9 salvation by means ( tea*+s6 ,y w n be able to convey & say to anybody1 oh v5]able "o1 9 words & ?r\gh tea*+s :at has happ5$ to y 9 ! h\r ( enlight5m5t6 ,! tea*+s ( ! enlight5$ ,buddha conta9 mu*1 x tea*es _m to live righte\sly1 to avoid evil4 ,b !re is "o ?+ :i* ^! s cle>1 ^! s v5]able tea*+s d n conta93 !y d n conta9 ! my/]y ( :at ! exalt$ "o has exp]i5c$ = himself1 he alone among hundr$s ( ?\s&s4 ,?is is :at ,i h ?\ght & realiz$1 :5 ,i h he>d ! tea*+s4 ,?is is :y ,i am cont9u+ my travels--n to seek o!r1 bett] tea*+s1 = ,i "k !re are none1 b to dep>t f all tea*+s & all tea*]s & to rea* my goal by myself or to die4 ,b (t51 ,i'll ?9k ( ?is day1 oh exalt$ "o1 & ( ?is h\r1 :5 my eyes beheld a holy man40 ,! ,buddha's eyes quietly look$ to ! gr\nd2 quietly1 9 p]fect equanimity 8 inscrutable face 0 smil+4 8,i wi%10 ! v5]able "o spoke sl[ly1 8t y\r ?\ghts %all n be 9 error1 t y %all rea* ! goal6 ,b tell me3 ,h y se5 ! multitude ( my ,samanas1 my _m bro!rs1 :o h tak5 refuge 9 ! tea*+s8 ,& d y believe1 oh /rang]1 oh ,samana1 d y believe t x w\ld be bett] = !m all ! ab&on ! tea*+s & to return into ! life ! _w & ( desires80 8,f> is su* a ?\ght f my m9d10 exclaim$ ,siddh>?a4 8,i wi% t !y %all all /ay ) ! tea*+s1 t !y %all rea* _! goal6 ,x is n my place to judge ano!r p]son's life4 ,only = myself1 = myself alone1 ,i mu/ decide1 ,i mu/ *ose1 ,i mu/ refuse4 ,salvation f ! self is :at we ,samanas se>* =1 oh exalt$ "o4 ,if ,i m]ely 7 "o ( y\r disciples1 oh v5]able "o1 ,i'd fe> t x might happ5 to me t only seem+ly1 only deceptively my self w\ld be calm & be r$eem$1 b t 9 tru? x w\ld live on & gr[1 = !n ,i _h replac$ my self ) ! tea*+s1 my duty to foll[ y1 my love = y1 & ! community ( ! monks60 ,) half ( a smile1 ) an unwav]+ op5ness & k9dness1 ,gotama look$ into ! /rang]'s eyes & bid him to leave ) a h>dly noticeable ge/ure4 8,y are wise1 oh ,samana10 ! v5]able "o spoke4 8,y "k h[ to talk wisely1 my fri5d4 ,be aw>e ( too mu* wisdom60 ,! ,buddha turn$ away1 & 8 glance & half ( a smile rema9$ =ev] et*$ 9 ,siddh>?a's memory4 ,i h nev] be=e se5 a p]son glance & smile1 sit & walk ?is way1 he ?\ght2 truly1 ,i wi% to be able to glance & smile1 sit & walk ?is way1 too1 ?us free1 ?us v5]able1 ?us conceal$1 ?us op51 ?us *ildlike & my/]i\s4 ,truly1 only a p]son :o has succe$$ 9 rea*+ ! inn]mo/ "p ( 8 self w\ld glance & walk ?is way4 ,well s1 ,i also w seek to rea* ! inn]mo/ "p ( my self4 ,i saw a man1 ,siddh>?a ?\ght1 a s+le man1 be=e :om ,i w\ld h to l[] my glance4 ,i d n want to l[] my glance be=e any o!r1 n be=e any o!r4 ,no tea*+s w entice me any m1 s9ce ?is man's tea*+s h n entic$ me4 ,i am depriv$ by ! ,buddha1 ?\ght ,siddh>?a1 ,i am depriv$1 & ev5 m he has giv5 to me4 ,he has depriv$ me ( my fri5d1 ! "o :o _h believ$ 9 me & n[ believes 9 him1 :o _h be5 my %ad[ & is n[ ,gotama's %ad[4 ,b he has giv5 me ,siddh>?a1 myself4 ,,awak5+ ,:5 ,siddh>?a left ! grove1 :]e ! ,buddha1 ! p]fect$ "o1 /ay$ beh9d1 :]e ,gov9da /ay$ beh9d1 !n he felt t 9 ?is grove 8 pa/ life also /ay$ beh9d & p>t$ f him4 ,he pond]$ ab\t ?is s5sation1 :i* fill$ him completely1 z he 0 sl[ly walk+ along4 ,he pond]$ deeply1 l div+ into a deep wat] he let himself s9k d[n to ! gr\nd ( ! s5sation1 d[n to ! place :]e ! causes lie1 because to id5tify ! causes1 s x seem$ to him1 is ! v ess5ce ( ?9k+1 & by ?is alone s5sations turn into realizations & are n lo/1 b become entities & />t to emit l rays ( light :at is inside ( !m4 ,sl[ly walk+ along1 ,siddh>?a pond]$4 ,he realiz$ t he 0 no y\? any m1 b _h turn$ into a man4 ,he realiz$ t "o ?+ _h left him1 z a snake is left by its old sk91 t "o ?+ no long] exi/$ 9 him1 :i* _h accompani$ him ?r\gh\t 8 y\? & us$ to be a "p ( him3 ! wi% to h tea*]s & to li/5 to tea*+s4 ,he _h also left ! la/ tea*] :o _h appe>$ on 8 pa?1 ev5 him1 ! highe/ & wise/ tea*]1 ! mo/ holy "o1 ,buddha1 he _h left him1 _h to "p ) him1 0 n able to accept 8 tea*+s4 ,sl[]1 he walk$ along 9 8 ?\ghts & ask$ himself3 8,b :at is ?is1 :at y h s\ght to le>n f tea*+s & f tea*]s1 & :at !y1 :o h taught y mu*1 7 /ill unable to tea* y80 ,& he f\nd3 8,x 0 ! self1 ! purpose & ess5ce ( :i* ,i s\ght to le>n4 ,x 0 ! self1 ,i want$ to free myself f1 :i* ,i s\ght to ov]come4 ,b ,i 0 n able to ov]come x1 c\ld only deceive x1 c\ld only flee f x1 only hide f x4 ,truly1 no ?+ 9 ?is _w has kept my ?\ghts ?us busy1 z ?is my v own self1 ?is my/]y ( me be+ alive1 ( me be+ "o & be+ sep>at$ & isolat$ f all o!rs1 ( me be+ ,siddh>?a6 ,& !re is no ?+ 9 ?is _w ,i "k less ab\t ?an ab\t me1 ab\t ,siddh>?a60 ,hav+ be5 pond]+ :ile sl[ly walk+ along1 he n[ /opp$ z ^! ?\ghts caught hold ( him1 & "r away ano!r ?\ght sprang =? f ^!1 a new ?\ght1 :i* 03 8,t ,i "k no?+ ab\t myself1 t ,siddh>?a has rema9$ ?us ali5 & unkn[n to me1 /ems f "o cause1 a s+le cause3 ,i 0 afraid ( myself1 ,i 0 flee+ f myself6 ,i se>*$ ,atman1 ,i se>*$ ,brahman1 ,i 0 will+ to dissect my self & peel (f all ( its lay]s1 to f9d ! core ( all peels 9 its unkn[n int]ior1 ! ,atman1 life1 ! div9e "p1 ! ultimate "p4 ,b ,i h lo/ myself 9 ! process40 ,siddh>?a op5$ 8 eyes & look$ ar\nd1 a smile fill$ 8 face & a feel+ ( awak5+ f long dreams fl[$ ?r\gh him f 8 head d[n to 8 toes4 ,& x 0 n long be=e he walk$ aga91 walk$ quickly l a man :o kn[s :at he has got to d4 8,oh10 he ?\ght1 tak+ a deep brea?1 8n[ ,i w\ld n let ,siddh>?a escape f me aga96 ,no long]1 ,i want to beg9 my ?\ghts & my life ) ,atman & ) ! suff]+ ( ! _w4 ,i d n want to kill & dissect myself any long]1 to f9d a secret beh9d ! ru9s4 ,nei!r ,yoga-,v$a %all tea* me any m1 nor ,a?>va-,v$a1 nor ! ascetics1 nor any k9d ( tea*+s4 ,i want to le>n f myself1 want to be my /ud5t1 want to get to "k myself1 ! secret ( ,siddh>?a40 ,he look$ ar\nd1 z if he 0 see+ ! _w = ! fir/ "t4 ,beautiful 0 ! _w1 col\rful 0 ! _w1 /range & my/]i\s 0 ! _w6 ,"h 0 blue1 "h 0 yell[1 "h 0 gre51 ! sky & ! riv] fl[$1 ! =e/ & ! m\nta9s 7 rigid1 all ( x 0 beautiful1 all ( x 0 my/]i\s & magical1 & 9 its mid/ 0 he1 ,siddh>?a1 ! awak5+ "o1 on ! pa? to himself4 ,all ( ?is1 all ?is yell[ & blue1 riv] & =e/1 ent]$ ,siddh>?a = ! fir/ "t ?r\gh ! eyes1 0 no long] a spell ( ,m>a1 0 no long] ! veil ( ,maya1 0 no long] a po9tless & co9cid5tal div]sity ( m]e appe>ances1 despicable to ! deeply ?9k+ ,brahman1 :o scorns div]sity1 :o seeks unity4 ,blue 0 blue1 riv] 0 riv]1 & if also 9 ! blue & ! riv]1 9 ,siddh>?a1 ! s+ul> & div9e liv$ hidd51 s x 0 /ill t v div9ity's way & purpose1 to be "h yell[1 "h blue1 !re sky1 !re =e/1 & "h ,siddh>?a4 ,! purpose & ! ess5tial prop]ties 7 n some:]e beh9d ! ?+s1 !y 7 9 !m1 9 ev]y?+4 8,h[ deaf & /upid h ,i be560 he ?\ght1 walk+ swiftly along4 8,:5 someone reads a text1 wants to discov] its mean+1 he w n scorn ! symbols & lett]s & call !m deceptions1 co9cid5ce1 & wor?less hull1 b he w read !m1 he w /udy & love !m1 lett] by lett]4 ,b ,i1 :o want$ to read ! book ( ! _w & ! book ( my own be+1 ,i h1 = ! sake ( a mean+ ,i _h anticipat$ be=e ,i read1 scorn$ ! symbols & lett]s1 ,i call$ ! visible _w a deception1 call$ my eyes & my tongue co9cid5tal & wor?less =ms )\t sub/ance4 ,no1 ?is is ov]1 ,i h awak5$1 ,i h inde$ awak5$ & h n be5 born be=e ?is v day40 ,9 ?9k+ ^! ?\ghts1 ,siddh>?a /opp$ once aga91 sudd5ly1 z if !re 0 a snake ly+ 9 front ( him on ! pa?4 ,because sudd5ly1 he _h also become aw>e ( ?is3 ,he1 :o 0 inde$ l someone :o _h j wok5 up or l a new-born baby1 he _h to />t 8 life anew & />t aga9 at ! v beg9n+4 ,:5 he _h left 9 ?is v morn+ f ! grove ,jetavana1 ! grove ( t exalt$ "o1 already awak5+1 already on ! pa? t[>ds himself1 he _h e int5tion1 reg>d$ z natural & took = grant$1 t he1 aft] ye>s z an ascetic1 w\ld return to 8 home & 8 fa!r4 ,b n[1 only 9 ?is mom5t1 :5 he /opp$ z if a snake 0 ly+ on 8 pa?1 he also awoke to ?is realization3 8,b ,i am no long] ! "o ,i 01 ,i am no ascetic any m1 ,i am n a prie/ any m1 ,i am no ,brahman any m4 ,:atev] %\ld ,i d at home & at my fa!r's place8 ,/udy8 ,make (f]+s8 ,practise m$itation8 ,b all ?is is ov]1 all ( ?is is no long] alongside my pa?40 ,motionless1 ,siddh>?a rema9$ /&+ !re1 & = ! "t ( "o mom5t & brea?1 8 he>t felt cold1 he felt a cold 9 8 *e/1 z a small animal1 a bird or a rabbit1 w\ld :5 see+ h[ alone he 04 ,= _m ye>s1 he _h be5 )\t home & _h felt no?+4 ,n[1 he felt x4 ,/ill1 ev5 9 ! deepe/ m$itation1 he _h be5 8 fa!r's son1 _h be5 a ,brahman1 ( a high ca/e1 a cl]ic4 ,n[1 he 0 no?+ b ,siddh>?a1 ! awok5 "o1 no?+ else 0 left4 ,deeply1 he inhal$1 & = a mom5t1 he felt cold & %iv]$4 ,nobody 0 ?us alone z he 04 ,!re 0 no nobleman :o did n belong to ! noblem51 no work] t did n belong to ! work]s1 & f\nd refuge ) !m1 %>$ _! life1 spoke _! language4 ,no ,brahman1 :o w\ld n be reg>d$ z ,brahmans & liv$ ) !m1 no ascetic :o w\ld n f9d 8 refuge 9 ! ca/e ( ! ,samanas1 & ev5 ! mo/ =lorn h]mit 9 ! =e/ 0 n j "o & alone1 he 0 also surr\nd$ by a place he belong$ to1 he also belong$ to a ca/e1 9 :i* he 0 at home4 ,gov9da _h become a monk1 & a ?\s& monks 7 8 bro!rs1 wore ! same robe z he1 believ$ 9 8 fai?1 spoke 8 language4 ,b he1 ,siddh>?a1 :]e did he belong to8 ,) :om w\ld he %>e 8 life8 ,^: language w\ld he speak8 ,out ( ?is mom5t1 :5 ! _w melt$ away all ar\nd him1 :5 he /ood alone l a /> 9 ! sky1 out ( ?is mom5t ( a cold & despair1 ,siddh>?a em]g$1 m a self ?an be=e1 m firmly conc5trat$4 ,he felt3 ,?is _h be5 ! la/ tremor ( ! awak5+1 ! la/ /ruggle ( ?is bir?4 ,& x 0 n long until he walk$ aga9 9 long /rides1 />t$ to proce$ swiftly & impati5tly1 head+ no long] = home1 no long] to 8 fa!r1 no long] back4 ,,second ,,"p ,d$icat$ to ,wilhelm ,gund]t1 my c\s9 9 ,japan ,,kamala ,siddh>?a le>n$ some?+ new on e /ep ( 8 pa?1 = ! _w 0 trans=m$1 & 8 he>t 0 en*ant$4 ,he saw ! sun ris+ ov] ! m\nta9s ) _! =e/s & sett+ ov] ! di/ant bea* ) its palm-trees4 ,at night1 he saw ! />s 9 ! sky 9 _! fix$ positions & ! cresc5t ( ! moon float+ l a boat 9 ! blue4 ,he saw trees1 />s1 animals1 cl\ds1 ra9b[s1 rocks1 h]bs1 fl[]s1 /ream & riv]1 ! gli/5+ dew 9 ! bu%es 9 ! morn+1 di/ant high m\nta9s :i* 7 blue & pale1 birds sang & bees1 w9d silv]i%ly blew ?r\gh ! rice-field4 ,all ( ?is1 a ?\s&-fold & col\rful1 _h always be5 !re1 always ! sun & ! moon _h %one1 always riv]s _h ro>$ & bees _h buzz$1 b 9 =m] times all ( ?is _h be5 no?+ m to ,siddh>?a ?an a fleet+1 deceptive veil be=e 8 eyes1 look$ ^u 9 di/ru/1 de/9$ to be p5etrat$ & de/roy$ by ?\ght1 s9ce x 0 n ! ess5tial exi/5ce1 s9ce ?is ess5ce lay beyond1 on ! o!r side (1 ! visible4 ,b n[1 8 lib]at$ eyes /ay$ on ?is side1 he saw & became aw>e ( ! visible1 s\ght to be at home 9 ?is _w1 did n se>* = ! true ess5ce1 did n aim at a _w beyond4 ,beautiful 0 ?is _w1 look+ at x ?us1 )\t se>*+1 ?us simply1 ?us *ildlike4 ,beautiful 7 ! moon & ! />s1 beautiful 0 ! /ream & ! banks1 ! =e/ & ! rocks1 ! goat & ! gold-beetle1 ! fl[] & ! butt]fly4 ,beautiful & lovely x 01 ?us to walk ?r\gh ! _w1 ?us *ildlike1 ?us awok51 ?us op5 to :at is ne>1 ?us )\t di/ru/4 ,diff]5tly ! sun burnt ! head1 diff]5tly ! %ade ( ! =e/ cool$ him d[n1 diff]5tly ! /ream & ! ci/]n1 ! pumpk9 & ! banana ta/$4 ,%ort 7 ! days1 %ort ! nights1 e h\r sp$ swiftly away l a sail on ! sea1 & "u ! sail 0 a %ip full ( treasures1 full ( joy4 ,siddh>?a saw a gr\p ( apes mov+ ?r\gh ! high canopy ( ! =e/1 high 9 ! bran*es1 & he>d _! savage1 gre$y song4 ,siddh>?a saw a male %eep foll[+ a female "o & mat+ ) h]4 ,9 a lake ( re$s1 he saw ! pike hungrily hunt+ = its d9n]2 propell+ !mselves away f x1 9 fe>1 wiggl+ & sp>kl+1 ! "y fi% jump$ 9 droves out ( ! wat]2 ! sc5t ( /r5g? & passion came =cefully out ( ! ha/y eddies ( ! wat]1 :i* ! pike /irr$ up1 impetu\sly hunt+4 ,all ( ?is _h always exi/$1 & he _h n se5 x2 he _h n be5 ) x4 ,n[ he 0 ) x1 he 0 "p ( x4 ,light & %ad[ ran ?r\gh 8 eyes1 />s & moon ran ?r\gh 8 he>t4 ,on ! way1 ,siddh>?a also rememb]$ ev]y?+ he _h exp]i5c$ 9 ! ,g>d5 ,jetavana1 ! tea*+ he _h he>d !re1 ! div9e ,buddha1 ! f>ewell f ,gov9da1 ! conv]sation ) ! exalt$ "o4 ,aga9 he rememb]$ 8 own words1 he _h spok5 to ! exalt$ "o1 e ^w1 & ) a/oni%m5t he became aw>e ( ! fact t !re he _h said ?+s :i* he _h n really kn[n yet at ?is "t4 ,:at he _h said to ,gotama3 81 ! ,buddha's1 treasure & secret 0 n ! tea*+s1 b ! unexpressable & n tea*able1 :i* he _h exp]i5c$ 9 ! h\r ( 8 enlight5m5t--x 0 no?+ b ?is v ?+ :i* he _h n[ gone to exp]i5ce1 :at he n[ began to exp]i5ce4 ,n[1 he _h to exp]i5ce 8 self4 ,x is true t he _h already kn[n = a long "t t 8 self 0 ,atman1 9 its ess5ce be>+ ! same et]nal *>act]i/ics z ,brahman4 ,b nev]1 he _h really f\nd ?is self1 because he _h want$ to capture x 9 ! net ( ?\ght4 ,) ! body def9itely n be+ ! self1 & n ! spectacle ( ! s5ses1 s x also 0 n ! ?\ght1 n ! rational m9d1 n ! le>n$ wisdom1 n ! le>n$ ability to draw conclusions & to develop previ\s ?\ghts 9 to new ones4 ,no1 ?is _w ( ?\ght 0 also /ill on ?is side1 & no?+ c\ld be a*iev$ by kill+ ! r&om self ( ! s5ses1 if ! r&om self ( ?\ghts & le>n$ k 0 fatt5$ on ! o!r h&4 ,bo?1 ! ?\ghts z well z ! s5ses1 7 pretty ?+s1 ! ultimate mean+ 0 hidd5 beh9d bo? ( !m1 bo? _h to be li/5$ to1 bo? _h to be play$ )1 bo? nei!r _h to be scorn$ nor ov]e/imat$1 f bo? ! secret voices ( ! inn]mo/ tru? _h to be att5tively p]ceiv$4 ,he want$ to /rive = no?+1 except = :at ! voice comm&$ him to /rive =1 dwell on no?+1 except :]e ! voice w\ld advise him to d s4 ,:y _h ,gotama1 at t "t1 9 ! h\r ( all h\rs1 sat d[n "u ! bo-tree1 :]e ! enlight5m5t hit him8 ,he _h he>d a voice1 a voice 9 8 own he>t1 :i* _h comm&$ him to seek re/ "u ?is tree1 & he _h nei!r pref]r$ self-ca/igation1 (f]+s1 ablutions1 nor pray]1 nei!r food nor dr9k1 nei!r sleep nor dream1 he _h obey$ ! voice4 ,to obey l ?is1 n to an ext]nal comm&1 only to ! voice1 to be ready l ?is1 ?is 0 good1 ?is 0 necess>y1 no?+ else 0 necess>y4 ,9 ! night :5 he slept 9 ! /raw hut ( a f]ryman by ! riv]1 ,siddh>?a _h a dream3 ,gov9da 0 /&+ 9 front ( him1 dress$ 9 ! yell[ robe ( an ascetic4 ,sad 0 h[ ,gov9da look$ l1 sadly he ask$3 ,:y h y =sak5 me8 ,at ?is1 he embrac$ ,gov9da1 wrapp$ 8 arms ar\nd him1 & z he 0 pull+ him close to 8 *e/ & kiss$ him1 x 0 n ,gov9da any m1 b a woman1 & a full brea/ popp$ out ( ! woman's dress1 at :i* ,siddh>?a lay & drank1 sweetly & /rongly ta/$ ! milk f ?is brea/4 ,x ta/$ ( woman & man1 ( sun & =e/1 ( animal & fl[]1 ( e fruit1 ( e joyful desire4 ,x intoxicat$ him & r5d]$ him unconsci\s4--,:5 ,siddh>?a woke up1 ! pale riv] %imm]$ ?r\gh ! door ( ! hut1 & 9 ! =e/1 a d>k call ( an owl res\nd$ deeply & pleasantly4 ,:5 ! day began1 ,siddh>?a ask$ 8 ho/1 ! f]ryman1 to get him across ! riv]4 ,! f]ryman got him across ! riv] on 8 bamboo-raft1 ! wide wat] %imm]$ r$di%ly 9 ! light ( ! morn+4 8,?is is a beautiful riv]10 he said to 8 companion4 8,yes10 said ! f]ryman1 8a v beautiful riv]1 ,i love x m ?an any?+4 ,(t5 ,i h li/5$ to x1 (t5 ,i h look$ into its eyes1 & always ,i h le>n$ f x4 ,mu* c be le>n$ f a riv]40 8,i ?ank y1 my b5efactor10 spoke ,siddh>?a1 disemb>k+ on ! o!r side ( ! riv]4 8,i h no gift ,i c\ld give y = y\r hospitality1 my de>1 & also no paym5t = y\r "w4 ,i am a man )\t a home1 a son ( a ,brahman & a ,samana40 8,i did see x10 spoke ! f]ryman1 8& ,i hav5't expect$ any paym5t f y & no gift :i* w\ld be ! cu/om = gue/s to be>4 ,y w give me ! gift ano!r "t40 8,d y ?9k s80 ask$ ,siddh>?a amus$ly4 8,surely4 ,?is too1 ,i h le>n$ f ! riv]3 ev]y?+ is com+ back6 ,y too1 ,samana1 w come back4 ,n[ f>ewell6 ,let y\r fri5d%ip be my rew>d4 ,commemorate me1 :5 y'll make (f]+s to ! gods40 ,smil+1 !y p>t$4 ,smil+1 ,siddh>?a 0 happy ab\t ! fri5d%ip & ! k9dness ( ! f]ryman4 8,he is l ,gov9da10 he ?\ght ) a smile1 8all ,i meet on my pa? are l ,gov9da4 ,all are ?ankful1 ?\gh !y are ! ones :o w\ld h a "r to receive ?anks4 ,all are submissive1 all w\ld l to be fri5ds1 l to obey1 ?9k little4 ,l *ildr5 are all p40 ,at ab\t noon1 he came ?r\gh a village4 ,9 front ( ! mud cottages1 *ildr5 7 roll+ ab\t 9 ! /reet1 7 play+ ) pumpk9-se$s & sea-%ells1 scream$ & wre/l$1 b !y all timidly fl$ f ! unkn[n ,samana4 ,9 ! end ( ! village1 ! pa? l$ ?r\gh a /ream1 & by ! side ( ! /ream1 a "y woman 0 kneel+ & wa%+ clo!s4 ,:5 ,siddh>?a greet$ h]1 %e lift$ h] head & look$ up to him ) a smile1 s t he saw ! :ite 9 h] eyes gli/5+4 ,he call$ out a bless+ to h]1 z x is ! cu/om among travell]s1 & ask$ h[ f> he /ill _h to g to rea* ! l>ge city4 ,!n %e got up & came to him1 beautifully h] wet m\? 0 %imm]+ 9 h] "y face4 ,%e ex*ang$ humor\s bant] ) him1 ask$ :e!r he _h eat5 already1 & :e!r x 0 true t ! ,samanas slept alone 9 ! =e/ at night & 7 n all[$ to h any wom5 ) !m4 ,:ile talk+1 %e put h] left foot on 8 "r "o & made a movem5t z a woman does :o w\ld want to initiate t k9d ( sexual pleasure ) a man1 :i* ! textbooks call 8climb+ a tree04 ,siddh>?a felt 8 blood heat+ up1 & s9ce 9 ?is mom5t he _h to ?9k ( 8 dream aga91 he b5d slightly d[n to ! woman & kiss$ ) 8 lips ! br[n nipple ( h] brea/4 ,look+ up1 he saw h] face smil+ full ( lu/ & h] eyes1 ) contract$ pupils1 begg+ ) desire4 ,siddh>?a also felt desire & felt ! s\rce ( 8 sexuality mov+2 b s9ce he _h nev] t\*$ a woman be=e1 he hesitat$ = a mom5t1 :ile 8 h&s 7 already prep>$ to rea* out = h]4 ,& 9 ?is mom5t he he>d1 %udd]+ ) awe1 ! voice ( 8 inn]mo/ self1 & ?is voice said ,no4 ,!n1 all *>ms disappe>$ f ! "y woman's smil+ face1 he no long] saw any?+ else b ! damp glance ( a female animal 9 heat4 ,politely1 he pett$ h] *eek1 turn$ away f h] & disappe>$ away f ! disappo9t$ woman ) light /eps into ! bamboo-wood4 ,on ?is day1 he rea*$ ! l>ge city be=e ! ev5+1 & 0 happy1 = he felt ! ne$ to be among p4 ,= a long "t1 he _h liv$ 9 ! =e/s1 & ! /raw hut ( ! f]ryman1 9 :i* he _h slept t night1 _h be5 ! fir/ ro( = a long "t he _h _h ov] 8 head4 ,be=e ! city1 9 a beautifully f5c$ grove1 ! travell] came across a small gr\p ( s]vants1 bo? male & female1 c>ry+ baskets4 ,9 _! mid/1 c>ri$ by f\r s]vants 9 an ornam5tal s$an-*air1 sat a woman1 ! mi/ress1 on r$ pill[s "u a col\rful canopy4 ,siddh>?a /opp$ at ! entrance to ! pleasure-g>d5 & wat*$ ! p>ade1 saw ! s]vants1 ! maids1 ! baskets1 saw ! s$an-*air & saw ! lady 9 x4 ,"u black hair1 :i* made to t[] high on h] head1 he saw a v fair1 v delicate1 v sm>t face1 a brightly r$ m\?1 l a fre%ly crack$ fig1 eyebr[s :i* 7 well t5d$ & pa9t$ 9 a high ar*1 sm>t & wat*ful d>k eyes1 a cle>1 tall neck ris+ f a gre5 & gold5 g>m5t1 re/+ fair h&s1 long & ?91 ) wide gold5 bracelets ov] ! wri/s4 ,siddh>?a saw h[ beautiful %e 01 & 8 he>t rejoic$4 ,he b[$ deeply1 :5 ! s$an-*air came clos]1 & /raight5+ up aga91 he look$ at ! fair1 *>m+ face1 read = a mom5t 9 ! sm>t eyes ) ! high arcs above1 brea!d 9 a slight fragrant1 he did n "k4 ,) a smile1 ! beautiful woman nodd$ = a mom5t & disappe>$ into ! grove1 & !n ! s]vants z well4 ,?us ,i am ent]+ ?is city1 ,siddh>?a ?\ght1 ) a *>m+ om54 ,he in/antly felt drawn into ! grove1 b he ?\ght ab\t x1 & only n[ he became aw>e ( h[ ! s]vants & maids _h look$ at him at ! entrance1 h[ despicable1 h[ di/ru/ful1 h[ reject+4 ,i am /ill a ,samana1 he ?\ght1 ,i am /ill an ascetic & begg>4 ,i mu/ n rema9 l ?is1 ,i w n be able to ent] ! grove l ?is4 ,& he laugh$4 ,! next p]son :o came along ?is pa? he ask$ ab\t ! grove & = ! "n ( ! woman1 & 0 told t ?is 0 ! grove ( ,kamala1 ! fam\s c\rtesan1 & t1 aside f ! grove1 %e own$ a h\se 9 ! city4 ,!n1 he ent]$ ! city4 ,n[ he _h a goal4 ,pursu+ 8 goal1 he all[$ ! city to suck him 91 drift$ ?r\gh ! fl[ ( ! /reets1 /ood /ill on ! squ>es1 re/$ on ! /airs ( /one by ! riv]4 ,:5 ! ev5+ came1 he made fri5ds ) b>b]'s assi/ant1 :om he _h se5 work+ 9 ! %ade ( an ar* 9 a build+1 :om he f\nd aga9 pray+ 9 a temple ( ,vi%nu1 :om he told ab\t /ories ( ,vi%nu & ! ,lak%mi4 ,among ! boats by ! riv]1 he slept ?is night1 & e>ly 9 ! morn+1 be=e ! fir/ cu/om]s came into 8 %op1 he _h ! b>b]'s assi/ant %ave 8 be>d & cut 8 hair1 comb 8 hair & ano9t x ) f9e oil4 ,!n he w5t to take 8 ba? 9 ! riv]4 ,:5 late 9 ! aft]noon1 beautiful ,kamala approa*$ h] grove 9 h] s$an-*air1 ,siddh>?a 0 /&+ at ! entrance1 made a b[ & receiv$ ! c\rtesan's greet+4 ,b t s]vant :o walk$ at ! v end ( h] tra9 he motion$ to him & ask$ him to in=m 8 mi/ress t a "y ,brahman w\ld wi% to talk to h]4 ,aft] a :ile1 ! s]vant return$1 ask$ him1 :o _h be5 wait+1 to foll[ him1 conduct$ him1 :o 0 foll[+ him1 )\t a ^w into a pavilion1 :]e ,kamala 0 ly+ on a c\*1 & left him alone ) h]4 8,w]5't y already /&+ out !re ye/]day1 greet+ me80 ask$ ,kamala4 8,x's true t ,i've already se5 & greet$ y ye/]day40 8,b didn't y ye/]day we> a be>d1 & long hair1 & du/ 9 y\r hair80 8,y h obs]v$ well1 y h se5 ev]y?+4 ,y h se5 ,siddh>?a1 ! son ( a ,brahman1 :o has left 8 home to become a ,samana1 & :o has be5 a ,samana = ?ree ye>s4 ,b n[1 ,i h left t pa? & came into ?is city1 & ! fir/ "o ,i met1 ev5 be=e ,i _h ent]$ ! city1 0 y4 ,to say ?is1 ,i h come to y1 oh ,kamala6 ,y are ! fir/ woman :om ,siddh>?a is n address+ ) 8 eyes turn$ to ! gr\nd4 ,nev] aga9 ,i want to turn my eyes to ! gr\nd1 :5 ,i'm com+ across a beautiful woman40 ,kamala smil$ & play$ ) h] fan ( peacocks' fea!rs4 ,& ask$3 8,& only to tell me ?is1 ,siddh>?a has come to me80 8,to tell y ?is & to ?ank y = be+ s beautiful4 ,& if x doesn't displease y1 ,kamala1 ,i w\ld l to ask y to be my fri5d & tea*]1 = ,i "k no?+ yet ( t art :i* y h ma/]$ 9 ! highe/ degree40 ,at ?is1 ,kamala laugh$ al\d4 8,nev] be=e ?is has happ5$ to me1 my fri5d1 t a ,samana f ! =e/ came to me & want$ to le>n f me6 ,nev] be=e ?is has happ5$ to me1 t a ,samana came to me ) long hair & an old1 torn lo9clo?6 ,_m "y m5 come to me1 & !re are also sons ( ,brahmans among !m1 b !y come 9 beautiful clo!s1 !y come 9 f9e %oes1 !y h p]fume 9 _! hair & money 9 _! p\*es4 ,?is is1 oh ,samana1 h[ ! "y m5 are l :o come to me40 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,already ,i am />t+ to le>n f y4 ,ev5 ye/]day1 ,i 0 already le>n+4 ,i h already tak5 (f my be>d1 h comb$ ! hair1 h oil 9 my hair4 ,!re is little :i* is /ill miss+ 9 me1 oh excell5t "o3 f9e clo!s1 f9e %oes1 money 9 my p\*4 ,y %all "k1 ,siddh>?a has set h>d] goals = himself ?an su* trifles1 & he has rea*$ !m4 ,h[ %\ldn't ,i rea* t goal1 :i* ,i h set = myself ye/]day3 to be y\r fri5d & to le>n ! joys ( love f y6 ,y'll see t ,i'll le>n quickly1 ,kamala1 ,i h already le>n$ h>d] ?+s ?an :at y're suppos$ to tea* me4 ,& n[ let's get to x3 ,y ar5't satisfi$ ) ,siddh>?a z he is1 ) oil 9 8 hair1 b )\t clo!s1 )\t %oes1 )\t money80 ,laugh+1 ,kamala exclaim$3 8,no1 my de>1 he doesn't satisfy me yet4 ,clo!s are :at he mu/ h1 pretty clo!s1 & %oes1 pretty %oes1 & lots ( money 9 8 p\*1 & gifts = ,kamala4 ,d y "k x n[1 ,samana f ! =e/8 ,did y m>k my words80 8,yes1 ,i h m>k$ y\r words10 ,siddh>?a exclaim$4 8,h[ %\ld ,i n m>k words :i* are com+ f su* a m\?6 ,y\r m\? is l a fre%ly crack$ fig1 ,kamala4 ,my m\? is r$ & fre% z well1 x w be a suitable mat* = y\rs1 y'll see4--,b tell me1 beautiful ,kamala1 ar5't y at all afraid ( ! ,samana f ! =e/1 :o has come to le>n h[ to make love80 8,:atev] = %\ld ,i be afraid ( a ,samana1 a /upid ,samana f ! =e/1 :o is com+ f ! jackals & doesn't ev5 "k yet :at wom5 are80 8,oh1 he's /rong1 ! ,samana1 & he isn't afraid ( any?+4 ,he c\ld =ce y1 beautiful girl4 ,he c\ld kidnap y4 ,he c\ld hurt y40 8,no1 ,samana1 ,i am n afraid ( ?is4 ,did any ,samana or ,brahman ev] fe>1 someone might come & grab him & /eal 8 le>n+1 & 8 religi\s devotion1 & 8 dep? ( ?\ght8 ,no1 = !y are 8 v own1 & he w\ld only give away f ^? :atev] he is will+ to give & to :omev] he is will+ to give4 ,l ?is x is1 precisely l ?is x is also ) ,kamala & ) ! pleasures ( love4 ,beautiful & r$ is ,kamala's m\?1 b j try to kiss x aga9/ ,kamala's w1 & y w n obta9 a s+le drop ( sweetness f x1 :i* kn[s h[ to give s _m sweet ?+s6 ,y are le>n+ easily1 ,siddh>?a1 ?us y %\ld also le>n ?is3 love c be obta9$ by begg+1 buy+1 receiv+ x z a gift1 f9d+ x 9 ! /reet1 b x _c be /ol54 ,9 ?is1 y h come up ) ! wrong pa?4 ,no1 x w\ld be a pity1 if a pretty "y man l y w\ld want to tackle x 9 su* a wrong mann]40 ,siddh>?a b[$ ) a smile4 8,x w\ld be a pity1 ,kamala1 y are s "r6 ,x w\ld be su* a great pity4 ,no1 ,i %all n lose a s+le drop ( sweetness f y\r m\?1 nor y f m9e6 ,s x is settl$3 ,siddh>?a w return1 once he'll h :at he /ill lacks3 clo!s1 %oes1 money4 ,b speak1 lovely ,kamala1 c\ldn't y /ill give me "o small advice80 8,an advice8 ,:y n8 ,:o w\ldn't l to give an advice to a poor1 ignorant ,samana1 :o is com+ f ! jackals ( ! =e/80 8,de> ,kamala1 ?us advise me :]e ,i %\ld g to1 t ,i'll f9d ^! ?ree ?+s mo/ quickly80 8,fri5d1 _m w\ld l to "k ?is4 ,y mu/ d :at y've le>n$ & ask = money1 clo!s1 & %oes 9 return4 ,!re is no o!r way = a poor man to obta9 money4 ,:at might y be able to d80 8,i c ?9k4 ,i c wait4 ,i c fa/40 8,no?+ else80 8,no?+4 ,b yes1 ,i c also write poetry4 ,w\ld y l to give me a kiss = a poem80 8,i w\ld l to1 if ,i'll l y\r poem4 ,:at w\ld be its title80 ,siddh>?a spoke1 aft] he _h ?\ght ab\t x = a mom5t1 ^! v]ses3 ,into h] %ady grove /epp$ ! pretty ,kamala1 ,at ! grove's entrance /ood ! br[n ,samana4 ,deeply1 see+ ! lotus's blossom1 ,b[$ t man1 & smil+ ,kamala ?ank$4 ,m lovely1 ?\ght ! "y man1 ?an (f]+s = gods1 ,m lovely is (f]+ to pretty ,kamala4 ,kamala l\dly clapp$ h] h&s1 s t ! gold5 bracelets clang$4 8,beautiful are y\r v]ses1 oh br[n ,samana1 & truly1 ,i'm los+ no?+ :5 ,i'm giv+ y a kiss = !m40 ,%e beckon$ him ) h] eyes1 he tilt$ 8 head s t 8 face t\*$ h]s & plac$ 8 m\? on t m\? :i* 0 l a fre%ly crack$ fig4 ,= a long "t1 ,kamala kiss$ him1 & ) a deep a/oni%m5t ,siddh>?a felt h[ %e taught him1 h[ wise %e 01 h[ %e controll$ him1 reject$ him1 lur$ him1 & h[ aft] ?is fir/ "o !re 0 to be a long1 a well ord]$1 well te/$ sequ5ce ( kisses1 e "o diff]5t f ! o!rs1 he 0 /ill to receive4 ,brea?+ deeply1 he rema9$ /&+ :]e he 01 & 0 9 ?is mom5t a/oni%$ l a *ild ab\t ! cornucopia ( k & ?+s wor? le>n+1 :i* reveal$ itself be=e 8 eyes4 8,v beautiful are y\r v]ses10 exclaim$ ,kamala1 8if ,i 0 ri*1 ,i w\ld give y pieces ( gold = !m4 ,b x w be difficult = y to e>n ?us mu* money ) v]ses z y ne$4 ,= y ne$ a lot ( money1 if y want to be ,kamala's fri5d40 8,! way y're able to kiss1 ,kamala60 /amm]$ ,siddh>?a4 8,yes1 ?is ,i am able to d1 !re=e ,i d n lack clo!s1 %oes1 bracelets1 & all beautiful ?+s4 ,b :at w become ( y8 ,ar5't y able to d any?+ else b ?9k+1 fa/+1 mak+ poetry80 8,i also "k ! sacrificial songs10 said ,siddh>?a1 8b ,i d n want to s+ !m any m4 ,i also "k magic spells1 b ,i d n want to speak !m any m4 ,i h read ! scriptures--0 8,/op10 ,kamala int]rupt$ him4 8,y're able to read8 ,& write80 8,c]ta9ly1 ,i c d ?is4 ,_m p c d ?is40 8,mo/ p c't4 ,i also c't d x4 ,x is v good t y're able to read & write1 v good4 ,y w also /ill f9d use = ! magic spells40 ,9 ?is mom5t1 a maid came runn+ 9 & :isp]$ a message into h] mi/ress's e>4 8,!re's a visitor = me10 exclaim$ ,kamala4 8,hurry & get y\rself away1 ,siddh>?a1 nobody may see y 9 "h1 rememb] ?is6 ,tomorr[1 ,i'll see y aga940 ,b to ! maid %e gave ! ord] to give ! pi\s ,brahman :ite upp] g>m5ts4 ,)\t fully und]/&+ :at 0 happ5+ to him1 ,siddh>?a f\nd himself be+ dragg$ away by ! maid1 br\ght into a g>d5-h\se avoid+ ! direct pa?1 be+ giv5 upp] g>m5ts z a gift1 l$ into ! bu%es1 & urg5tly admoni%$ to get himself out ( ! grove z soon z possible )\t be+ se54 ,cont5tly1 he did z he _h be5 told4 ,be+ accu/om$ to ! =e/1 he manag$ to get out ( ! grove & ov] ! h$ge )\t mak+ a s\nd4 ,cont5tly1 he return$ to ! city1 c>ry+ ! roll$ up g>m5ts "u 8 arm4 ,at ! inn1 :]e travell]s /ay1 he position$ himself by ! door1 )\t words he ask$ = food1 )\t a ^w he accept$ a piece ( rice-cake4 ,p]haps z soon z tomorr[1 he ?\ght1 ,i w ask no "o = food any m4 ,sudd5ly1 pride fl>$ up 9 him4 ,he 0 no ,samana any m1 x 0 no long] becom+ to him to beg4 ,he gave ! rice-cake to a dog & rema9$ )\t food4 8,simple is ! life :i* p lead 9 ?is _w "h10 ?\ght ,siddh>?a4 8,x pres5ts no difficulties4 ,ev]y?+ 0 difficult1 toilsome1 & ultimately hopeless1 :5 ,i 0 /ill a ,samana4 ,n[1 ev]y?+ is easy1 easy l t lesson 9 kiss+1 :i* ,kamala is giv+ me4 ,i ne$ clo!s & money1 no?+ else2 ^! are small1 ne> goals1 !y won't make a p]son lose any sleep40 ,he _h already discov]$ ,kamala's h\se 9 ! city long be=e1 !re he turn$ up ! foll[+ day4 8,?+s are work+ out well10 %e call$ out to him4 8,!y are expect+ y at ,kamaswami's1 he is ! ri*e/ m]*ant ( ! city4 ,if he'll l y1 he'll accept y into 8 s]vice4 ,be sm>t1 br[n ,samana4 ,i _h o!rs tell him ab\t y4 ,be polite t[>ds him1 he is v p[]ful4 ,b don't be too mode/6 ,i d n want y to become 8 s]vant1 y %all become 8 equal1 or else ,i won't be satisfi$ ) y4 ,kamaswami is />t+ to get old & lazy4 ,if he'll l y1 he'll entru/ y ) a lot40 ,siddh>?a ?ank$ h] & laugh$1 & :5 %e f\nd out t he _h n eat5 any?+ ye/]day & today1 %e s5t = bread & fruits & treat$ him to x4 8,y've be5 lucky10 %e said :5 !y p>t$1 8,i'm op5+ "o door aft] ano!r = y4 ,h[ come8 ,d y h a spell80 ,siddh>?a said3 8,ye/]day1 ,i told y ,i knew h[ to ?9k1 to wait1 & to fa/1 b y ?\ght ?is 0 ( no use4 ,b x is useful = _m ?+s1 ,kamala1 y'll see4 ,y'll see t ! /upid ,samanas are le>n+ & able to d _m pretty ?+s 9 ! =e/1 :i* ! likes ( y ar5't capable (4 ,! day be=e ye/]day1 ,i 0 /ill a %aggy begg>1 z soon z ye/]day ,i h kiss$ ,kamala1 & soon ,i'll be a m]*ant & h money & all ^? ?+s y insi/ ^u40 8,well yes10 %e admitt$4 8,b :]e w\ld y be )\t me8 ,:at w\ld y be1 if ,kamala wasn't help+ y80 8,de> ,kamala10 said ,siddh>?a & /raight5$ up to 8 full height1 8:5 ,i came to y into y\r grove1 ,i did ! fir/ /ep4 ,x 0 my resolution to le>n love f ?is mo/ beautiful woman4 ,f t mom5t on :5 ,i _h made ?is resolution1 ,i also knew t ,i w\ld c>ry x out4 ,i knew t y w\ld help me1 at y\r fir/ glance at ! entrance ( ! grove ,i already knew x40 8,b :at if ,i hadn't be5 will+80 8,y 7 will+4 ,look1 ,kamala3 ,:5 y ?r[ a rock into ! wat]1 x w spe$ on ! fa/e/ c\rse to ! bottom ( ! wat]4 ,?is is h[ x is :5 ,siddh>?a has a goal1 a resolution4 ,siddh>?a does no?+1 he waits1 he ?9ks1 he fa/s1 b he passes ?r\gh ! ?+s ( ! _w l a rock ?r\gh wat]1 )\t do+ any?+1 )\t /irr+2 he is drawn1 he lets himself fall4 ,8 goal attracts him1 because he doesn't let any?+ ent] 8 s\l :i* might oppose ! goal4 ,?is is :at ,siddh>?a has le>n$ among ! ,samanas4 ,?is is :at fools call magic & ( :i* !y ?9k x w\ld be effect$ by means ( ! daemons4 ,no?+ is effect$ by daemons1 !re are no daemons4 ,ev]yone c p]=m magic1 ev]yone c rea* 8 goals1 if he is able to ?9k1 if he is able to wait1 if he is able to fa/40 ,kamala li/5$ to him4 ,%e lov$ 8 voice1 %e lov$ ! look f 8 eyes4 8,p]haps x is s10 %e said quietly1 8z y say1 fri5d4 ,b p]haps x is also l ?is3 t ,siddh>?a is a h&some man1 t 8 glance pleases ! wom51 t !re=e good =tune is com+ t[>ds him40 ,) "o kiss1 ,siddh>?a bid 8 f>ewell4 8,i wi% t x %\ld be ?is way1 my tea*]2 t my glance %all please y1 t always good =tune %all come to me out ( y\r direction60 ,,) ,,! ,,*ildlike ,,p ,siddh>?a w5t to ,kamaswami ! m]*ant1 he 0 direct$ into a ri* h\se1 s]vants l$ him betwe5 preci\s c>pets into a *amb]1 :]e he await$ ! ma/] ( ! h\se4 ,kamaswami ent]$1 a swiftly1 smoo?ly mov+ man ) v gray hair1 ) v intellig5t1 cauti\s eyes1 ) a gre$y m\?4 ,politely1 ! ho/ & ! gue/ greet$ "o ano!r4 8,i h be5 told10 ! m]*ant began1 8t y 7 a ,brahman1 a le>n$ man1 b t y seek to be 9 ! s]vice ( a m]*ant4 ,might y h become de/itute1 ,brahman1 s t y seek to s]ve80 8,no10 said ,siddh>?a1 8,i h n become de/itute & h nev] be5 de/itute4 ,y %\ld "k t ,i'm com+ f ! ,samanas1 ) :om ,i h liv$ = a long "t40 8,if y're com+ f ! ,samanas1 h[ c\ld y be any?+ b de/itute8 ,ar5't ! ,samanas entirely )\t possessions80 8,i am )\t possessions10 said ,siddh>?a1 8if ?is is :at y mean4 ,surely1 ,i am )\t possessions4 ,b ,i am s volunt>ily1 & !re=e ,i am n de/itute40 8,b :at are y plann+ to live (1 be+ )\t possessions80 8,i hav5't ?\ght ( ?is yet1 sir4 ,= m ?an ?ree ye>s1 ,i h be5 )\t possessions1 & h nev] ?\ght ab\t ( :at ,i %\ld live40 8,s y've liv$ ( ! possessions ( o!rs40 8,presumable ?is is h[ x is4 ,aft] all1 a m]*ant also lives ( :at o!r p own40 8,well said4 ,b he w\ldn't take any?+ f ano!r p]son = no?+2 he w\ld give 8 m]*&ise 9 return40 8,s x seems to be inde$4 ,ev]yone takes1 ev]yone gives1 su* is life40 8,b if y don't m9d me ask+3 be+ )\t possessions1 :at w\ld y l to give80 8,ev]yone gives :at he has4 ,! w>rior gives /r5g?1 ! m]*ant gives m]*&ise1 ! tea*] tea*+s1 ! f>m] rice1 ! fi%] fi%40 8,yes inde$4 ,& :at is x n[ :at y've got to give8 ,:at is x t y've le>n$1 :at y're able to d80 8,i c ?9k4 ,i c wait4 ,i c fa/40 8,t's ev]y?+80 8,i believe1 t's ev]y?+60 8,& :at's ! use ( t8 ,= example1 ! fa/+--:at is x good =80 8,x is v good1 sir4 ,:5 a p]son has no?+ to eat1 fa/+ is ! sm>te/ ?+ he c\ld d4 ,:51 = example1 ,siddh>?a hadn't le>n$ to fa/1 he w\ld h to accept any k9d ( s]vice be=e ?is day is up1 :e!r x may be ) y or :]ev]1 because hung] w\ld =ce him to d s4 ,b l ?is1 ,siddh>?a c wait calmly1 he kn[s no impati5ce1 he kn[s no em]g5cy1 = a long "t he c all[ hung] to besiege him & c laugh ab\t x4 ,?is1 sir1 is :at fa/+ is good =40 8,y're "r1 ,samana4 ,wait = a mom5t40 ,kamaswami left ! room & return$ ) a scroll1 :i* he h&$ to 8 gue/ :ile ask+3 8,c y read ?is80 ,siddh>?a look$ at ! scroll1 on :i* a sales-contract _h be5 writt5 d[n1 & began to read out its cont5ts4 8,excell5t10 said ,kamaswami4 8,& w\ld y write some?+ = me on ?is piece ( pap]80 ,he h&$ him a piece ( pap] & a p51 & ,siddh>?a wrote & return$ ! pap]4 ,kamaswami read3 8,writ+ is good1 ?9k+ is bett]4 ,be+ sm>t is good1 be+ pati5t is bett]40 8,x is excell5t h[ y're able to write10 ! m]*ant prais$ him4 8,_m a ?+ we w /ill h to discuss ) "o ano!r4 ,= today1 ,i'm ask+ y to be my gue/ & to live 9 ?is h\se40 ,siddh>?a ?ank$ & accept$1 & liv$ 9 ! deal]'s h\se f n[ on4 ,clo!s 7 br\ght to him1 & %oes1 & e day1 a s]vant prep>$ a ba? = him4 ,twice a day1 a pl5tiful meal 0 s]v$1 b ,siddh>?a only ate once a day1 & ate nei!r meat nor did he dr9k w9e4 ,kamaswami told him ab\t 8 trade1 %[$ him ! m]*&ise & /orage-rooms1 %[$ him calculations4 ,siddh>?a got to "k _m new ?+s1 he he>d a lot & spoke little4 ,& ?9k+ ( ,kamala's words1 he 0 nev] subs]vi5t to ! m]*ant1 =c$ him to treat him z an equal1 yes ev5 m ?an an equal4 ,kamaswami conduct$ 8 bus9ess ) c>e & (t5 ) passion1 b ,siddh>?a look$ ^u all ( ?is z if x 0 a game1 ! rules ( :i* he tri$ h>d to le>n precisely1 b ! cont5ts ( :i* did n t\* 8 he>t4 ,he 0 n 9 ,kamaswami's h\se = long1 :5 he already took "p 9 8 l&lord's bus9ess4 ,b daily1 at ! h\r appo9t$ by h]1 he visit$ beautiful ,kamala1 we>+ pretty clo!s1 f9e %oes1 & soon he br\ght h] gifts z well4 ,mu* he le>n$ f h] r$1 sm>t m\?4 ,mu* he le>n$ f h] t5d]1 supple h&4 ,him1 :o 01 reg>d+ love1 /ill a boy & _h a t5d5cy to plunge bl9dly & insatiably into lu/ l into a bottomless pit1 him %e taught1 ?or\ghly />t+ ) ! basics1 ab\t t s*ool ( ?\ght :i* tea*es t pleasure _c be tak5 )\t giv+ pleasure1 & t e ge/ure1 e c>ess1 e t\*1 e look1 e spot ( ! body1 h[ev] small x 01 _h its secret1 :i* w\ld br+ happ9ess to ^? :o "k ab\t x & unlea% x4 ,%e taught him1 t lov]s mu/ n "p f "o ano!r aft] celebrat+ love1 )\t "o admir+ ! o!r1 )\t be+ j z defeat$ z !y h be5 victori\s1 s t none ( !m %\ld />t feel+ f$ up or bor$ & get t evil feel+ ( hav+ abus$ or hav+ be5 abus$4 ,wond]ful h\rs he sp5t ) ! beautiful & sm>t arti/1 became h] /ud5t1 h] lov]1 h] fri5d4 ,"h ) ,kamala 0 ! wor? & purpose ( 8 pres5t life1 n ) ! bus9ess ( ,kamaswami4 ,! m]*ant pass$ duties ( writ+ important lett]s & contracts on to him & got into ! habit ( discuss+ all important affairs ) him4 ,he soon saw t ,siddh>?a knew little ab\t rice & wool1 %ipp+ & trade1 b t he act$ 9 a =tunate mann]1 & t ,siddh>?a surpass$ him1 ! m]*ant1 9 calmness & equanimity1 & 9 ! art ( li/5+ & deeply und]/&+ previ\sly unkn[n p4 8,?is ,brahman10 he said to a fri5d1 8is no prop] m]*ant & w nev] be "o1 !re is nev] any passion 9 8 s\l :5 he conducts our bus9ess4 ,b he has t my/]i\s quality ( ^? p to :om success comes all by itself1 :e!r ?is may be a good /> ( 8 bir?1 magic1 or some?+ he has le>n$ among ,samanas4 ,he always seems to be m]ely play+ ) our bus9ess-affairs1 !y nev] fully become a "p ( him1 !y nev] rule ov] him1 he is nev] afraid ( failure1 he is nev] upset by a loss40 ,! fri5d advis$ ! m]*ant3 8,give him f ! bus9ess he conducts = y a ?ird ( ! pr(its1 b let him also be liable = ! same am\nt ( ! losses1 :5 !re is a loss4 ,!n1 he'll become m zeal\s40 ,kamaswami foll[$ ! advice4 ,b ,siddh>?a c>$ little ab\t ?is4 ,:5 he made a pr(it1 he accept$ x ) equanimity2 :5 he made losses1 he laugh$ & said3 8,well1 look at ?is1 s ?is "o turn$ out badly60 ,x seem$ inde$1 z if he did n c>e ab\t ! bus9ess4 ,at "o "t1 he travell$ to a village to buy a l>ge h>ve/ ( rice !re4 ,b :5 he got !re1 ! rice _h already be5 sold to ano!r m]*ant4 ,nev]!less1 ,siddh>?a /ay$ = sev]al days 9 t village1 treat$ ! f>m]s = a dr9k1 gave copp]-co9s to _! *ildr51 jo9$ 9 ! celebration ( a w$d+1 & return$ extremely satisfi$ f 8 trip4 ,kamaswami held aga9/ him t he _h n turn$ back "r away1 t he _h wa/$ "t & money4 ,siddh>?a answ]$3 8,/op scold+1 de> fri5d6 ,no?+ 0 ev] a*iev$ by scold+4 ,if a loss has occurr$1 let me be> t loss4 ,i am v satisfi$ ) ?is trip4 ,i h gott5 to "k _m k9ds ( p1 a ,brahman has become my fri5d1 *ildr5 h sat on my knees1 f>m]s h %[n me _! fields1 nobody knew t ,i 0 a m]*ant40 8,t's all v nice10 exclaim$ ,kamaswami indignantly1 8b 9 fact1 y are a m]*ant aft] all1 "o ought to ?9k6 ,or might y h only travell$ = y\r amusem5t80 8,surely10 ,siddh>?a laugh$1 8surely ,i h travell$ = my amusem5t4 ,= :at else8 ,i h gott5 to "k p & places1 ,i h receiv$ k9dness & tru/1 ,i h f\nd fri5d%ip4 ,look1 my de>1 if ,i _h be5 ,kamaswami1 ,i w\ld h travell$ back1 be+ annoy$ & 9 a hurry1 z soon z ,i _h se5 t my pur*ase _h be5 r5d]$ impossible1 & "t & money w\ld inde$ h be5 lo/4 ,b l ?is1 ,i've _h a few good days1 ,i've le>n$1 _h joy1 ,i've nei!r h>m$ myself nor o!rs by annoyance & ha/9ess4 ,& if ,i'll ev] return !re aga91 p]haps to buy an upcom+ h>ve/1 or = :atev] purpose x might be1 fri5dly p w receive me 9 a fri5dly & happy mann]1 & ,i w praise myself = n %[+ any hurry & displeasure at t "t4 ,s1 leave x z x is1 my fri5d1 & don't h>m y\rself by scold+6 ,if ! day w come1 :5 y w see3 ?is ,siddh>?a is h>m+ me1 !n speak a ^w & ,siddh>?a w g on 8 own pa?4 ,b until !n1 let's be satisfi$ ) "o ano!r40 ,futile 7 also ! m]*ant's attempts1 to conv9ce ,siddh>?a t he %\ld eat 8 bread4 ,siddh>?a ate 8 own bread1 or r !y bo? ate o!r p's bread1 all p's bread4 ,siddh>?a nev] li/5$ to ,kamaswami's worries & ,kamaswami _h _m worries4 ,:e!r !re 0 a bus9ess-deal go+ on :i* 0 9 dang] ( fail+1 or :e!r a %ipm5t ( m]*&ise seem$ to h be5 lo/1 or a debtor seem$ to be unable to pay1 ,kamaswami c\ld nev] conv9ce 8 p>tn] t x w\ld be useful to utt] a few words ( worry or ang]1 to h wr9kles on ! =ehead1 to sleep badly4 ,:51 "o day1 ,kamaswami held aga9/ him t he _h le>n$ ev]y?+ he knew f him1 he repli$3 8,w\ld y please n kid me ) su* jokes6 ,:at ,i've le>n$ f y is h[ mu* a basket ( fi% co/s & h[ mu* int]e/ may be *>g$ on loan$ money4 ,^! are y\r areas ( exp]tise4 ,i hav5't le>n$ to ?9k f y1 my de> ,kamaswami1 y ought to be ! "o seek+ to le>n f me40 ,inde$ 8 s\l 0 n ) ! trade4 ,! bus9ess 0 good en\gh to provide him ) ! money = ,kamala1 & x e>n$ him mu* m ?an he ne$$4 ,besides f ?is1 ,siddh>?a's int]e/ & curiosity 0 only conc]n$ ) ! p1 ^: bus9esses1 crafts1 worries1 pleasures1 & acts ( fooli%ness us$ to be z ali5 & di/ant to him z ! moon4 ,h[ev] easily he succe$$ 9 talk+ to all ( !m1 9 liv+ ) all ( !m1 9 le>n+ f all ( !m1 he 0 /ill aw>e t !re 0 some?+ :i* sep>at$ him f !m & ?is sep>at+ factor 0 him be+ a ,samana4 ,he saw mank9d go+ ?r\gh life 9 a *ildlike or animallike mann]1 :i* he lov$ & also despis$ at ! same "t4 ,he saw !m toil+1 saw !m suff]+1 & becom+ gray = ! sake ( ?+s :i* seem$ to him entirely unwor?y ( ?is price1 = money1 = little pleasures1 = be+ slightly hon\r$1 he saw !m scold+ & insult+ ea* o!r1 he saw !m compla9+ ab\t pa9 at :i* a ,samana w\ld only smile1 & suff]+ because ( deprivations :i* a ,samana w\ld n feel4 ,he 0 op5 to ev]y?+ ^! p br\ght 8 way4 ,welcome 0 ! m]*ant :o (f]$ him l95 = sale1 welcome 0 ! debtor :o s\ght ano!r loan1 welcome 0 ! begg> :o told him = "o h\r ! /ory ( 8 pov]ty & :o 0 n half z poor z any giv5 ,samana4 ,he did n treat ! ri* =eign m]*ant any diff]5t ?an ! s]vant :o %av$ him & ! /reet-v5dor :om he let *eat him out ( "s small *ange :5 buy+ bananas4 ,:5 ,kamaswami came to him1 to compla9 ab\t 8 worries or to reproa* him conc]n+ 8 bus9ess1 he li/5$ curi\sly & happily1 0 puzzl$ by him1 tri$ to und]/& him1 cons5t$ t he 0 a little bit "r1 only z mu* z he consid]$ indisp5sable1 & turn$ away f him1 t[>ds ! next p]son :o w\ld ask = him4 ,& !re 7 _m :o came to him1 _m to d bus9ess ) him1 _m to *eat him1 _m to draw "s secret out ( him1 _m to appeal to 8 sympa?y1 _m to get 8 advice4 ,he gave advice1 he piti$1 he made gifts1 he let !m *eat him a bit1 & ?is entire game & ! passion ) :i* all p play$ ?is game occupi$ 8 ?\ghts j z mu* z ! gods & ,brahmans us$ to occupy !m4 ,at times he felt1 deep 9 8 *e/1 a dy+1 quiet voice1 :i* admoni%$ him quietly1 lam5t$ quietly2 he h>dly p]ceiv$ x4 ,& !n1 = an h\r1 he became aw>e ( ! /range life he 0 lead+1 ( him do+ lots ( ?+s :i* 7 only a game1 (1 ?\gh be+ happy & feel+ joy at times1 real life /ill pass+ him by & n t\*+ him4 ,z a ball-play] plays ) 8 balls1 he play$ ) 8 bus9ess-deals1 ) ! p ar\nd him1 wat*$ !m1 f\nd amusem5t 9 !m2 ) 8 he>t1 ) ! s\rce ( 8 be+1 he 0 n ) !m4 ,! s\rce ran some:]e1 f> away f him1 ran & ran invisibly1 _h no?+ to d ) 8 life any m4 ,& at sev]al times he sudd5ly became sc>$ on acc\nt ( su* ?\ghts & wi%$ t he w\ld also be gift$ ) ! ability to p>ticipate 9 all ( ^! *ildlike-naive occupations ( ! daytime ) passion & ) 8 he>t1 really to live1 really to act1 really to enjoy & to live in/ead ( j /&+ by z a spectator4 ,b aga9 & aga91 he came back to beautiful ,kamala1 le>n$ ! art ( love1 practis$ ! cult ( lu/1 9 :i* m ?an 9 any?+ else giv+ & tak+ becomes "o1 *att$ ) h]1 le>n$ f h]1 gave h] advice1 receiv$ advice4 ,%e und]/ood him bett] ?an ,gov9da us$ to und]/& him1 %e 0 m simil> to him4 ,once1 he said to h]3 8,y are l me1 y are diff]5t f mo/ p4 ,y are ,kamala1 no?+ else1 & inside ( y1 !re is a peace & refuge1 to :i* y c g at e h\r ( ! day & be at home at y\rself1 z ,i c also d4 ,few p h ?is1 & yet all c\ld h x40 8,n all p are sm>t10 said ,kamala4 8,no10 said ,siddh>?a1 8t's n ! reason :y4 ,kamaswami is j z sm>t z ,i1 & /ill has no refuge 9 himself4 ,o!rs h x1 :o are small *ildr5 ) respect to _! m9d4 ,mo/ p1 ,kamala1 are l a fall+ leaf1 :i* is bl[n & is turn+ ar\nd ?r\gh ! air1 & wav]s1 & tumbles to ! gr\nd4 ,b o!rs1 a few1 are l />s1 !y g on a fix$ c\rse1 no w9d rea*es !m1 9 !mselves !y h _! law & _! c\rse4 ,among all ! le>n$ m5 & ,samanas1 ( :i* ,i knew _m1 !re 0 "o ( ?is k9d1 a p]fect$ "o1 ,i'll nev] be able to =get him4 ,x is t ,gotama1 ! exalt$ "o1 :o is spread+ ^? tea*+s4 ,?\s&s ( foll[]s are li/5+ to 8 tea*+s e day1 foll[ 8 in/ructions e h\r1 b !y are all fall+ leaves1 n 9 !mselves !y h tea*+s & a law40 ,kamala look$ at him ) a smile4 8,aga91 y're talk+ ab\t him10 %e said1 8aga91 y're hav+ a ,samana's ?\ghts40 ,siddh>?a said no?+1 & !y play$ ! game ( love1 "o ( ! ?irty or =ty diff]5t games ,kamala knew4 ,h] body 0 flexible l t ( a jagu> & l ! b[ ( a hunt]2 he :o _h le>n$ f h] h[ to make love1 0 kn[l$geable ( _m =ms ( lu/1 _m secrets4 ,= a long "t1 %e play$ ) ,siddh>?a1 entic$ him1 reject$ him1 =c$ him1 embrac$ him3 enjoy$ 8 ma/]ful skills1 until he 0 defeat$ & re/$ exhau/$ by h] side4 ,! c\rtesan b5t ov] him1 took a long look at 8 face1 at 8 eyes1 :i* _h gr[n tir$4 8,y are ! be/ lov]10 %e said ?\ghtfully1 8,i ev] saw4 ,y're /rong] ?an o!rs1 m supple1 m will+4 ,y've le>n$ my art well1 ,siddh>?a4 ,at "s "t1 :5 ,i'll be old]1 ,i'd want to be> y\r *ild4 ,& yet1 my de>1 y've rema9$ a ,samana1 & yet y d n love me1 y love nobody4 ,isn't x s80 8,x might v well be s10 ,siddh>?a said tir$ly4 8,i am l y4 ,y also d n love--h[ else c\ld y practise love z a craft8 ,p]haps1 p ( our k9d c't love4 ,! *ildlike p c2 t's _! secret40 ,,sans>a ,= a long "t1 ,siddh>?a _h liv$ ! life ( ! _w & ( lu/1 ?\gh )\t be+ a "p ( x4 ,8 s5ses1 :i* he _h kill$ (f 9 hot ye>s z a ,samana1 _h awok5 aga91 he _h ta/$ ri*es1 _h ta/$ lu/1 _h ta/$ p[]2 nev]!less he _h /ill rema9$ 9 8 he>t = a long "t a ,samana2 ,kamala1 be+ sm>t1 _h realiz$ ?is q "r4 ,x 0 /ill ! art ( ?9k+1 ( wait+1 ( fa/+1 :i* guid$ 8 life2 /ill ! p ( ! _w1 ! *ildlike p1 _h rema9$ ali5 to him z he 0 ali5 to !m4 ,ye>s pass$ by2 surr\nd$ by ! good life1 ,siddh>?a h>dly felt !m fad+ away4 ,he _h become ri*1 = q a :ile he possess$ a h\se ( 8 own & 8 own s]vants1 & a g>d5 be=e ! city by ! riv]4 ,! p lik$ him1 !y came to him1 :5ev] !y ne$$ money or advice1 b !re 0 nobody close to him1 except ,kamala4 ,t high1 bright /ate ( be+ awake1 :i* he _h exp]i5c$ t "o "t at ! height ( 8 y\?1 9 ^? days aft] ,gotama's s]mon1 aft] ! sep>ation f ,gov9da1 t t5se expectation1 t pr\d /ate ( /&+ alone )\t tea*+s & )\t tea*]s1 t supple will+ness to li/5 to ! div9e voice 9 8 own he>t1 _h sl[ly become a memory1 _h be5 fleet+2 di/ant & quiet1 ! holy s\rce murmur$1 :i* us$ to be ne>1 :i* us$ to murmur )9 himself4 ,nev]!less1 _m ?+s he _h le>n$ f ! ,samanas1 he _h le>n$ f ,gotama1 he _h le>n$ f 8 fa!r ! ,brahman1 _h rema9$ )9 him = a long "t aft]w>ds3 mod]ate liv+1 joy ( ?9k+1 h\rs ( m$itation1 secret k ( ! self1 ( 8 et]nal entity1 :i* is nei!r body nor consci\sness4 ,_m a "p ( ?is he /ill _h1 b "o "p aft] ano!r _h be5 subm]g$ & _h ga!r$ du/4 ,j z a pott]'s :eel1 once x has be5 set 9 motion1 w keep on turn+ = a long "t & only sl[ly lose its vig\r & come to a /op1 ?us ,siddh>?a's s\l _h kept on turn+ ! :eel ( asceticism1 ! :eel ( ?9k+1 ! :eel ( diff]5tiation = a long "t1 /ill turn+1 b x turn$ sl[ly & hesitantly & 0 close to com+ to a /&/ill4 ,sl[ly1 l humidity ent]+ ! dy+ /em ( a tree1 fill+ x sl[ly & mak+ x rot1 ! _w & slo? _h ent]$ ,siddh>?a's s\l1 sl[ly x fill$ 8 s\l1 made x heavy1 made x tir$1 put x to sleep4 ,on ! o!r h&1 8 s5ses _h become alive1 !re 0 mu* !y _h le>n$1 mu* !y _h exp]i5c$4 ,siddh>?a _h le>n$ to trade1 to use 8 p[] ov] p1 to enjoy himself ) a woman1 he _h le>n$ to we> beautiful clo!s1 to give ord]s to s]vants1 to ba! 9 p]fum$ wat]s4 ,he _h le>n$ to eat t5d]ly & c>efully prep>$ food1 ev5 fi%1 ev5 meat & p\ltry1 spices & sweets1 & to dr9k w9e1 :i* causes slo? & =getfulness4 ,he _h le>n$ to play ) dice & on a *ess-bo>d1 to wat* danc+ girls1 to h himself c>ri$ ab\t 9 a s$an-*air1 to sleep on a s(t b$4 ,b /ill he _h felt diff]5t f & sup]ior to ! o!rs2 always he _h wat*$ !m ) "s mock]y1 "s mock+ disda91 ) ! same disda9 :i* a ,samana con/antly feels = ! p ( ! _w4 ,:5 ,kamaswami 0 ail+1 :5 he 0 annoy$1 :5 he felt insult$1 :5 he 0 vex$ by 8 worries z a m]*ant1 ,siddh>?a _h always wat*$ x ) mock]y4 ,j sl[ly & imp]ceptibly1 z ! h>ve/ seasons & ra9y seasons pass$ by1 8 mock]y _h become m tir$1 8 sup]iority _h become m quiet4 ,j sl[ly1 among 8 gr[+ ri*es1 ,siddh>?a _h assum$ some?+ ( ! *ildlike p's ways = himself1 some?+ ( _! *ildlik5ess & ( _! fe>fulness4 ,& yet1 he envi$ !m1 envi$ !m j ! m1 ! m simil> he became to !m4 ,he envi$ !m = ! "o ?+ t 0 miss+ f him & t !y _h1 ! importance !y 7 able to atta* to _! lives1 ! am\nt ( passion 9 _! joys & fe>s1 ! fe>ful b sweet happ9ess ( be+ con/antly 9 love4 ,^! p 7 all ( ! "t 9 love ) !mselves1 ) wom51 ) _! *ildr51 ) hon\rs or money1 ) plans or hopes4 ,b he did n le>n ?is f !m1 ?is out ( all ?+s1 ?is joy ( a *ild & ?is fooli%ness ( a *ild2 he le>n$ f !m out ( all ?+s ! unpleasant ones1 :i* he himself despis$4 ,x happ5$ m & m (t5 t1 9 ! morn+ aft] hav+ _h company ! night be=e1 he /ay$ 9 b$ = a long "t1 felt unable to ?9k & tir$4 ,x happ5$ t he became angry & impati5t1 :5 ,kamaswami bor$ him ) 8 worries4 ,x happ5$ t he laugh$ j too l\d :5 he lo/ a game ( dice4 ,8 face 0 /ill sm>t] & m spiritual ?an o!rs1 b x r>ely laugh$1 & assum$1 "o aft] ano!r1 ^? features :i* are s (t5 f\nd 9 ! faces ( ri* p1 ^? features ( discont5t1 ( sickl9ess1 ( ill-hum\r1 ( slo?1 ( a lack ( love4 ,sl[ly ! disease ( ! s\l1 :i* ri* p h1 grabb$ hold ( him4 ,l a veil1 l a ?9 mi/1 tir$ness came ov] ,siddh>?a1 sl[ly1 gett+ a bit d5s] e day1 a bit murki] e mon?1 a bit heavi] e ye>4 ,z a new dress becomes old 9 "t1 loses its beautiful col\r 9 "t1 gets /a9s1 gets wr9kles1 gets worn (f at ! seams1 & />ts to %[ ?readb>e spots "h & !re1 ?us ,siddh>?a's new life1 :i* he _h />t$ aft] 8 sep>ation f ,gov9da1 _h gr[n old1 lo/ col\r & spl5d\r z ! ye>s pass$ by1 0 ga!r+ wr9kles & /a9s1 & hidd5 at bottom1 already %[+ its ugl9ess "h & !re1 disappo9tm5t & disgu/ 7 wait+4 ,siddh>?a did n notice x4 ,he only notic$ t ?is bright & reliable voice inside ( him1 :i* _h awok5 9 him at t "t & _h ev] guid$ him 9 8 be/ times1 _h become sil5t4 ,he _h be5 captur$ by ! _w1 by lu/1 covet\sness1 slo?1 & f9ally also by t vice :i* he _h us$ to despise & mock ! mo/ z ! mo/ fooli% "o ( all vices3 gre$4 ,prop]ty1 possessions1 & ri*es also _h f9ally captur$ him2 !y 7 no long] a game & trifles to him1 _h become a %ackle & a burd54 ,9 a /range & devi\s way1 ,siddh>?a _h gott5 into ?is f9al & mo/ base ( all dep5d5cies1 by means ( ! game ( dice4 ,x 0 s9ce t "t1 :5 he _h /opp$ be+ a ,samana 9 8 he>t1 t ,siddh>?a began to play ! game = money & preci\s ?+s1 :i* he at o!r times only jo9$ ) a smile & casually z a cu/om ( ! *ildlike p1 ) an increas+ rage & passion4 ,he 0 a fe>$ gambl]1 few d>$ to take him on1 s high & audaci\s 7 8 /akes4 ,he play$ ! game due to a pa9 ( 8 he>t1 los+ & wa/+ 8 wret*$ money 9 ! game br\ght him an angry joy1 9 no o!r way he c\ld demon/rate 8 disda9 = weal?1 ! m]*ants' false god1 m cle>ly & m mock+ly4 ,?us he gambl$ ) high /akes & m]cilessly1 hat+ himself1 mock+ himself1 won ?\s&s1 ?rew away ?\s&s1 lo/ money1 lo/ jewelry1 lo/ a h\se 9 ! c\ntry1 won aga91 lo/ aga94 ,t fe>1 t t]rible & petrify+ fe>1 :i* he felt :ile he 0 roll+ ! dice1 :ile he 0 worri$ ab\t los+ high /akes1 t fe> he lov$ & s\ght to always r5ew x1 always increase x1 always get x to a slightly high] level1 = 9 ?is feel+ alone he /ill felt some?+ l happ9ess1 some?+ l an intoxication1 some?+ l an elevat$ =m ( life 9 ! mid/ ( 8 saturat$1 lukew>m1 dull life4 ,& aft] ea* big loss1 8 m9d 0 set on new ri*es1 pursu$ ! trade m zeal\sly1 =c$ 8 debtors m /rictly to pay1 because he want$ to cont9ue gambl+1 he want$ to cont9ue squ&]+1 cont9ue demon/rat+ 8 disda9 ( weal?4 ,siddh>?a lo/ 8 calmness :5 losses occurr$1 lo/ 8 pati5ce :5 he 0 n paid on "t1 lo/ 8 k9dness t[>ds begg>s1 lo/ 8 disposition = giv+ away & loan+ money to ^? :o petition$ him4 ,he1 :o gambl$ away t5s ( ?\s&s at "o roll ( ! dice & laugh$ at x1 became m /rict & m petty 9 8 bus9ess1 occasionally dream+ at night ab\t money6 ,& :5ev] he woke up f ?is ugly spell1 :5ev] he f\nd 8 face 9 ! mirror at ! b$room's wall to h ag$ & become m ugly1 :5ev] emb>rassm5t & disgu/ came ov] him1 he cont9u$ flee+1 flee+ into a new game1 flee+ into a numb+ ( 8 m9d br\ght on by sex1 by w9e1 & f !re he fl$ back into ! urge to pile up & obta9 possessions4 ,9 ?is po9tless cycle he ran1 gr[+ tir$1 gr[+ old1 gr[+ ill4 ,!n ! "t came :5 a dream w>n$ him4 ,he _h sp5t ! h\rs ( ! ev5+ ) ,kamala1 9 h] beautiful pleasure-g>d54 ,!y _h be5 sitt+ "u ! trees1 talk+1 & ,kamala _h said ?\ghtful words1 words beh9d :i* a sadness & tir$ness lay hidd54 ,%e _h ask$ him to tell h] ab\t ,gotama1 & c\ld n he> en\gh ( him1 h[ cle> 8 eyes1 h[ /ill & beautiful 8 m\?1 h[ k9d 8 smile1 h[ peaceful 8 walk _h be54 ,= a long "t1 he _h to tell h] ab\t ! exalt$ ,buddha1 & ,kamala _h sigh$ & _h said3 8,"o day1 p]haps soon1 ,i'll also foll[ t ,buddha4 ,i'll give him my pleasure-g>d5 = a gift & take my refuge 9 8 tea*+s40 ,b aft] ?is1 %e _h ar\s$ him1 & _h ti$ him to h] 9 ! act ( mak+ love ) pa9ful f]v\r1 bit+ & 9 te>s1 z if1 once m1 %e want$ to squeeze ! la/ sweet drop out ( ?is va91 fleet+ pleasure4 ,nev] be=e1 x _h become s /rangely cle> to ,siddh>?a1 h[ closely lu/ 0 ak9 to dea?4 ,!n he _h la9 by h] side1 & ,kamala's face _h be5 close to him1 & "u h] eyes & next to ! corn]s ( h] m\? he _h1 z cle>ly z nev] be=e1 read a fe>ful inscription1 an inscription ( small l9es1 ( slight grooves1 an inscription rem9isc5t ( autumn & old age1 j z ,siddh>?a himself1 :o 0 only 9 8 =ties1 _h already notic$1 "h & !re1 gray hairs among 8 black ones4 ,tir$ness 0 writt5 on ,kamala's beautiful face1 tir$ness f walk+ a long pa?1 :i* has no happy de/9ation1 tir$ness & ! beg9n+ ( )]+1 & conceal$1 /ill unsaid1 p]haps n ev5 consci\s anxiety3 fe> ( old age1 fe> ( ! autumn1 fe> ( hav+ to die4 ,) a sigh1 he _h bid 8 f>ewell to h]1 ! s\l full ( reluctance1 & full ( conceal$ anxiety4 ,!n1 ,siddh>?a _h sp5t ! night 9 8 h\se ) danc+ girls & w9e1 _h act$ z if he 0 sup]ior to !m1 t[>ds ! fell[-memb]s ( 8 ca/e1 ?\gh ?is 0 no long] true1 _h drunk mu* w9e & gone to b$ a long "t aft] midnight1 be+ tir$ & yet excit$1 close to weep+ & despair1 & _h = a long "t s\ght to sleep 9 va91 8 he>t full ( mis]y :i* he ?\ght he c\ld n be> any long]1 full ( a disgu/ :i* he felt p5etrat+ 8 entire body l ! lukew>m1 repulsive ta/e ( ! w9e1 ! j too sweet1 dull music1 ! j too s(t smile ( ! danc+ girls1 ! j too sweet sc5t ( _! hair & brea/s4 ,b m ?an by any?+ else1 he 0 disgu/$ by himself1 by 8 p]fum$ hair1 by ! smell ( w9e f 8 m\?1 by ! flabby tir$ness & li/lessness ( 8 sk94 ,l :5 someone1 :o has eat5 & drunk f> too mu*1 vomits x back up aga9 ) agonis+ pa9 & is nev]!less glad ab\t ! relief1 ?us ?is sleepless man wi%$ to free himself ( ^! pleasures1 ^! habits & all ( ?is po9tless life & himself1 9 an imm5se bur/ ( disgu/4 ,n until ! light ( ! morn+ & ! beg9n+ ( ! fir/ activities 9 ! /reet be=e 8 city-h\se1 he _h slightly fall5 asleep1 _h f\nd = a few mom5ts a half unconsci\sness1 a h9t ( sleep4 ,9 ^? mom5ts1 he _h a dream3 ,kamala own$ a small1 r>e s++ bird 9 a gold5 cage4 ,( ?is bird1 he dreamt4 ,he dreamt3 ?is bird _h become mute1 :o at o!r times always us$ to s+ 9 ! morn+1 & s9ce ?is arose 8 att5tion1 he /epp$ 9 front ( ! cage & look$ inside2 !re ! small bird 0 dead & lay /iff on ! gr\nd4 ,he took x out1 weigh$ x = a mom5t 9 8 h&1 & !n ?rew x away1 out 9 ! /reet1 & 9 ! same mom5t1 he felt t]ribly %ock$1 & 8 he>t hurt1 z if he _h ?r[n away f himself all value & ev]y?+ good by ?r[+ out ?is dead bird4 ,/>t+ up f ?is dream1 he felt encompass$ by a deep sadness4 ,wor?less1 s x seem$ to him1 wor?less & po9tless 0 ! way he _h be5 go+ ?r\gh life2 no?+ :i* 0 alive1 no?+ :i* 0 9 "s way delici\s or wor? keep+ he _h left 9 8 h&s4 ,alone he /ood !re & empty l a ca/away on ! %ore4 ,) a gloomy m9d1 ,siddh>?a w5t to ! pleasure-g>d5 he own$1 lock$ ! gate1 sat d[n "u a mango-tree1 felt dea? 9 8 he>t & horror 9 8 *e/1 sat & s5s$ h[ ev]y?+ di$ 9 him1 )]$ 9 him1 came to an end 9 him4 ,by & by1 he ga!r$ 8 ?\ghts1 & 9 8 m9d1 he once aga9 w5t ! entire pa? ( 8 life1 />t+ ) ! fir/ days he c\ld rememb]4 ,:5 0 !re ev] a "t :5 he _h exp]i5c$ happ9ess1 felt a true bliss8 ,oh yes1 sev]al times he _h exp]i5c$ su* a ?+4 ,9 8 ye>s z a boy1 he _h _h a ta/e ( x1 :5 he _h obta9$ praise f ! ,brahmans1 he _h felt x 9 8 he>t3 8,!re is a pa? 9 front ( ! "o :o has di/+ui%$ himself 9 ! recitation ( ! holy v]ses1 9 ! dispute ) ! le>n$ ones1 z an assi/ant 9 ! (f]+s40 ,!n1 he _h felt x 9 8 he>t3 8,!re is a pa? 9 front ( y1 y are de/9$ =1 ! gods are await+ y40 ,& aga91 z a "y man1 :5 ! ev] ris+1 upw>d flee+1 goal ( all ?9k+ _h ripp$ him out ( & up f ! multitude ( ^? seek+ ! same goal1 :5 he wre/l$ 9 pa9 = ! purpose ( ,brahman1 :5 e obta9$ k only k9dl$ new ?ir/ 9 him1 !n aga9 he _h1 9 ! mid/ ( ! ?ir/1 9 ! mid/ ( ! pa9 felt ?is v same ?+3 8,g on6 ,g on6 ,y are call$ ^u60 ,he _h he>d ?is voice :5 he _h left 8 home & _h *os5 ! life ( a ,samana1 & aga9 :5 he _h gone away f ! ,samanas to t p]fect$ "o1 & also :5 he _h gone away f him to ! unc]ta94 ,= h[ long _h he n he>d ?is voice any m1 = h[ long _h he rea*$ no height any m1 h[ ev5 & dull 0 ! mann] 9 :i* 8 pa? _h pass$ ?r\gh life1 = _m long ye>s1 )\t a high goal1 )\t ?ir/1 )\t elevation1 cont5t ) small lu/ful pleasures & yet nev] satisfi$6 ,= all ( ^! _m ye>s1 )\t kn[+ x himself1 he _h tri$ h>d & long$ to become a man l ^? _m1 l ^? *ildr51 & 9 all ?is1 8 life _h be5 mu* m mis]able & poor] ?an !irs1 & _! goals 7 n 81 nor _! worries2 aft] all1 t entire _w ( ! ,kamaswami-p _h only be5 a game to him1 a dance he w\ld wat*1 a com$y4 ,only ,kamala _h be5 de>1 _h be5 valuable to him--b 0 %e /ill ?us8 ,did he /ill ne$ h]1 or %e him8 ,did !y n play a game )\t an end+8 ,0 x necess>y to live = ?is8 ,no1 x 0 n necess>y6 ,! "n ( ?is game 0 ,sans>a1 a game = *ildr51 a game :i* 0 p]haps enjoyable to play once1 twice1 t5 times--b = ev] & ev] ov] aga98 ,!n1 ,siddh>?a knew t ! game 0 ov]1 t he c\ld n play x any m4 ,%iv]s ran ov] 8 body1 inside ( him1 s he felt1 some?+ _h di$4 ,t entire day1 he sat "u ! mango-tree1 ?9k+ ( 8 fa!r1 ?9k+ ( ,gov9da1 ?9k+ ( ,gotama4 ,did he h to leave !m to become a ,kamaswami8 ,he /ill sat !re1 :5 ! night _h fall54 ,:51 look+ up1 he caught sight ( ! />s1 he ?\ght3 8,"h ,i'm sitt+ "u my mango-tree1 9 my pleasure-g>d540 ,he smil$ a little--0 x really necess>y1 0 x "r1 0 x n z fooli% game1 t he own$ a mango-tree1 t he own$ a g>d58 ,he also put an end to ?is1 ?is also di$ 9 him4 ,he rose1 bid 8 f>ewell to ! mango-tree1 8 f>ewell to ! pleasure-g>d54 ,s9ce he _h be5 )\t food ?is day1 he felt /rong hung]1 & ?\ght ( 8 h\se 9 ! city1 ( 8 *amb] & b$1 ( ! table ) ! meals on x4 ,he smil$ tir$ly1 %ook himself1 & bid 8 f>ewell to ^! ?+s4 ,9 ! same h\r ( ! night1 ,siddh>?a left 8 g>d51 left ! city1 & nev] came back4 ,= a long "t1 ,kamaswami _h p look = him1 ?9k+ t he _h fall5 into ! h&s ( robb]s4 ,kamala _h no "o look = him4 ,:5 %e 0 told t ,siddh>?a _h disappe>$1 %e 0 n a/oni%$4 ,did %e n always expect x8 ,0 he n a ,samana1 a man :o 0 at home n[h]e1 a pilgrim8 ,& mo/ ( all1 %e _h felt ?is ! la/ "t !y _h be5 toge!r1 & %e 0 happy1 9 spite ( all ! pa9 ( ! loss1 t %e _h pull$ him s affectionately to h] he>t = ?is la/ "t1 t %e _h felt "o m "t to be s completely possess$ & p5etrat$ by him4 ,:5 %e receiv$ ! fir/ news ( ,siddh>?a's disappe>ance1 %e w5t to ! w9d[1 :]e %e held a r>e s++ bird captive 9 a gold5 cage4 ,%e op5$ ! door ( ! cage1 took ! bird out & let x fly4 ,= a long "t1 %e gaz$ aft] x1 ! fly+ bird4 ,f ?is day on1 %e receiv$ no m visitors & kept h] h\se lock$4 ,b aft] "s "t1 %e became aw>e t %e 0 pregnant f ! la/ "t %e 0 toge!r ) ,siddh>?a4 ,,by ,,! ,,riv] ,siddh>?a walk$ ?r\gh ! =e/1 0 already f> f ! city1 & knew no?+ b t "o ?+1 t !re 0 no go+ back = him1 t ?is life1 z he _h liv$ x = _m ye>s until n[1 0 ov] & done away )1 & t he _h ta/$ all ( x1 suck$ ev]y?+ out ( x until he 0 disgu/$ ) x4 ,dead 0 ! s++ bird he _h dreamt (4 ,dead 0 ! bird 9 8 he>t4 ,deeply1 he _h be5 entangl$ 9 ,sans>a1 he _h suck$ up disgu/ & dea? f all sides into 8 body1 l a sponge sucks up wat] until x is full4 ,& full he 01 full ( ! feel+ ( be5 sick ( x1 full ( mis]y1 full ( dea?1 !re 0 no?+ left 9 ?is _w :i* c\ld h attract$ him1 giv5 him joy1 giv5 him com=t4 ,passionately he wi%$ to "k no?+ ab\t himself anymore1 to h re/1 to be dead4 ,if !re only 0 a lightn+-bolt to /rike him dead6 ,if !re only 0 a tig] to dev\r him6 ,if !re only 0 a w9e1 a poison :i* w\ld numb 8 s5ses1 br+ him =getfulness & sleep1 & no awak5+ f t6 ,0 !re /ill any k9d ( fil? he _h n soil$ himself )1 a s9 or fooli% act he _h n committ$1 a dre>9ess ( ! s\l he _h n br\ght ^u himself8 ,0 x /ill at all possible to be alive8 ,0 x possible to brea! 9 aga9 & aga91 to brea! out1 to feel hung]1 to eat aga91 to sleep aga91 to sleep ) a woman aga98 ,0 ?is cycle n exhau/$ & br\ght to a conclusion = him8 ,siddh>?a rea*$ ! l>ge riv] 9 ! =e/1 ! same riv] ov] :i* a long "t ago1 :5 he _h /ill be5 a "y man & came f ! t[n ( ,gotama1 a f]ryman _h conduct$ him4 ,by ?is riv] he /opp$1 hesitantly he /ood at ! bank4 ,tir$ness & hung] _h weak5$ him1 & :atev] = %\ld he walk on1 :]ev] to1 to :i* goal8 ,no1 !re 7 no m goals1 !re 0 no?+ left b ! deep1 pa9ful ye>n+ to %ake (f ?is :ole desolate dream1 to spit out ?is /ale w9e1 to put an end to ?is mis]able & %ameful life4 ,a hang b5t ov] ! bank ( ! riv]1 a coconut-tree2 ,siddh>?a lean$ aga9/ its trunk ) 8 %\ld]1 embrac$ ! trunk ) "o arm1 & look$ d[n into ! gre5 wat]1 :i* ran & ran "u him1 look$ d[n & f\nd himself to be entirely fill$ ) ! wi% to let g & to dr[n 9 ^! wat]s4 ,a fright5+ empt9ess 0 reflect$ back at him by ! wat]1 answ]+ to ! t]rible empt9ess 9 8 s\l4 ,yes1 he _h rea*$ ! end4 ,!re 0 no?+ left = him1 except to annihilate himself1 except to sma% ! failure into :i* he _h %ap$ 8 life1 to ?r[ x away1 be=e ! feet ( mock+ly laugh+ gods4 ,?is 0 ! great vomit+ he _h long$ =3 dea?1 ! sma%+ to bits ( ! =m he hat$6 ,let him be food = fi%es1 ?is dog ,siddh>?a1 ?is lunatic1 ?is deprav$ & rott5 body1 ?is weak5$ & abus$ s\l6 ,let him be food = fi%es & crocodiles1 let him be *opp$ to bits by ! daemons6 ,) a di/ort$ face1 he />$ into ! wat]1 saw ! reflection ( 8 face & spit at x4 ,9 deep tir$ness1 he took 8 arm away f ! trunk ( ! tree & turn$ a bit1 9 ord] to let himself fall /raight d[n1 9 ord] to f9ally dr[n4 ,) 8 eyes clos$1 he slipp$ t[>ds dea?4 ,!n1 out ( remote areas ( 8 s\l1 out ( pa/ times ( 8 n[ we>y life1 a s\nd /irr$ up4 ,x 0 a ^w1 a syllable1 :i* he1 )\t ?9k+1 ) a slurr$ voice1 spoke to himself1 ! old ^w :i* is ! beg9n+ & ! end ( all pray]s ( ! ,brahmans1 ! holy 8,om01 :i* r\ghly means 8t :at is p]fect0 or 8! completion04 ,& 9 ! mom5t :5 ! s\nd ( 8,om0 t\*$ ,siddh>?a's e>1 8 dormant _s sudd5ly woke up & realiz$ ! fooli%ness ( 8 actions4 ,siddh>?a 0 deeply %ock$4 ,s ?is 0 h[ ?+s 7 ) him1 s doom$ 0 he1 s mu* he _h lo/ 8 way & 0 =sak5 by all k1 t he _h be5 able to seek dea?1 t ?is wi%1 ?is wi% ( a *ild1 _h be5 able to gr[ 9 him3 to f9d re/ by annihilat+ 8 body6 ,:at all agony ( ^! rec5t times1 all sob]+ realizations1 all desp]ation _h n br\ght ab\t1 ?is 0 br\ght on by ?is mom5t1 :5 ! ,om ent]$ 8 consci\sness3 he became aw>e ( himself 9 8 mis]y & 9 8 error4 ,om6 he spoke to himself3 ,om6 & aga9 he knew ab\t ,brahman1 knew ab\t ! inde/ructibility ( life1 knew ab\t all t is div9e1 :i* he _h =gott54 ,b ?is 0 only a mom5t1 fla%4 ,by ! foot ( ! coconut-tree1 ,siddh>?a collaps$1 /ruck d[n by tir$ness1 mumbl+ ,om1 plac$ 8 head on ! root ( ! tree & fell into a deep sleep4 ,deep 0 8 sleep & )\t dreams1 = a long "t he _h n kn[n su* a sleep any m4 ,:5 he woke up aft] _m h\rs1 he felt z if t5 ye>s _h pass$1 he he>d ! wat] quietly fl[+1 did n "k :]e he 0 & :o _h br\ght him "h1 op5$ 8 eyes1 saw ) a/oni%m5t t !re 7 trees & ! sky above him1 & he rememb]$ :]e he 0 & h[ he got "h4 ,b x took him a long :ile = ?is1 & ! pa/ seem$ to him z if x _h be5 cov]$ by a veil1 inf9itely di/ant1 inf9itely f> away1 inf9itely mean+less4 ,he only knew t 8 previ\s life 79 ! fir/ mom5t :5 he ?\ght ab\t x1 ?is pa/ life seem$ to him l a v old1 previ\s inc>nation1 l an e>ly pre-bir? ( 8 pres5t self7--t 8 previ\s life _h be5 ab&on$ by him1 t1 full ( disgu/ & wret*$ness1 he _h ev5 int5d$ to ?r[ 8 life away1 b t by a riv]1 "u a coconut-tree1 he _h come to 8 s5ses1 ! holy ^w ,om on 8 lips1 t !n he _h fall5 asleep & _h n[ wok5 up & 0 look+ at ! _w z a new man4 ,quietly1 he spoke ! ^w ,om to himself1 speak+ :i* he _h fall5 asleep1 & x seem$ to him z if 8 entire long sleep _h be5 no?+ b a long m$itative recitation ( ,om1 a ?9k+ ( ,om1 a subm]g5ce & complete ent]+ into ,om1 into ! nameless1 ! p]fect$4 ,:at a wond]ful sleep _h ?is be56 ,nev] be=e by sleep1 he _h be5 ?us refre%$1 ?us r5ew$1 ?us rejuv5at$6 ,p]haps1 he _h really di$1 _h dr[n$ & 0 reborn 9 a new body8 ,b no1 he knew himself1 he knew 8 h&s & 8 feet1 knew ! place :]e he lay1 knew ?is self 9 8 *e/1 ?is ,siddh>?a1 ! ecc5tric1 ! weird "o1 b ?is ,siddh>?a 0 nev]!less trans=m$1 0 r5ew$1 0 /rangely well re/$1 /rangely awake1 joyful & curi\s4 ,siddh>?a /raight5$ up1 !n he saw a p]son sitt+ opposite to him1 an unkn[n man1 a monk 9 a yell[ robe ) a %av5 head1 sitt+ 9 ! position ( pond]+4 ,he obs]v$ ! man1 :o _h nei!r hair on 8 head nor a be>d1 & he _h n obs]v$ him = long :5 he recognis$ ?is monk z ,gov9da1 ! fri5d ( 8 y\?1 ,gov9da :o _h tak5 8 refuge ) ! exalt$ ,buddha4 ,gov9da _h ag$1 he too1 b /ill 8 face bore ! same features1 express$ zeal1 fai?fulness1 se>*+1 timidness4 ,b :5 ,gov9da n[1 s5s+ 8 gaze1 op5$ 8 eyes & look$ at him1 ,siddh>?a saw t ,gov9da did n recognise him4 ,gov9da 0 happy to f9d him awake2 app>5tly1 he _h be5 sitt+ "h = a long "t & be5 wait+ = him to wake up1 ?\gh he did n "k him4 8,i h be5 sleep+10 said ,siddh>?a4 8,h[ev] did y get "h80 8,y h be5 sleep+10 answ]$ ,gov9da4 8,x is n good to be sleep+ 9 su* places1 :]e snakes (t5 are & ! animals ( ! =e/ h _! pa?s4 ,i1 oh sir1 am a foll[] ( ! exalt$ ,gotama1 ! ,buddha1 ! ,sakyamuni1 & h be5 on a pilgrimage toge!r ) sev]al ( u on ?is pa?1 :5 ,i saw y ly+ & sleep+ 9 a place :]e x is dang]\s to sleep4 ,!re=e1 ,i s\ght to wake y up1 oh sir1 & s9ce ,i saw t y\r sleep 0 v deep1 ,i /ay$ beh9d f my gr\p & sat ) y4 ,& !n1 s x seems1 ,i h fall5 asleep myself1 ,i :o want$ to gu>d y\r sleep4 ,badly1 ,i h s]v$ y1 tir$ness has ov]:elm$ me4 ,b n[ t y're awake1 let me g to cat* up ) my bro!rs40 8,i ?ank y1 ,samana1 = wat*+ out ov] my sleep10 spoke ,siddh>?a4 8,y're fri5dly1 y foll[]s ( ! exalt$ "o4 ,n[ y may g !n40 8,i'm go+1 sir4 ,may y1 sir1 always be 9 good heal?40 8,i ?ank y1 ,samana40 ,gov9da made ! ge/ure ( a salutation & said3 8,f>ewell40 8,f>ewell1 ,gov9da10 said ,siddh>?a4 ,! monk /opp$4 8,p]mit me to ask1 sir1 f :]e d y "k my "n80 ,n[1 ,siddh>?a smil$4 8,i "k y1 oh ,gov9da1 f y\r fa!r's hut1 & f ! s*ool ( ! ,brahmans1 & f ! (f]+s1 & f our walk to ! ,samanas1 & f t h\r :5 y took y\r refuge ) ! exalt$ "o 9 ! grove ,jetavana40 8,y're ,siddh>?a10 ,gov9da exclaim$ l\dly4 8,n[1 ,i'm recognis+ y1 & don't compreh5d any m h[ ,i c\ldn't recognise y "r away4 ,be welcome1 ,siddh>?a1 my joy is great1 to see y aga940 8,x also gives me joy1 to see y aga94 ,y've be5 ! gu>d ( my sleep1 aga9 ,i ?ank y = ?is1 ?\gh ,i w\ldn't h requir$ any gu>d4 ,:]e are y go+ to1 oh fri5d80 8,i'm go+ n[h]e4 ,we monks are always travell+1 :5ev] x is n ! ra9y season1 we always move f "o place to ano!r1 live accord+ to ! rules ( ! tea*+s pass$ on to u1 accept alms1 move on4 ,x is always l ?is4 ,b y1 ,siddh>?a1 :]e are y go+ to80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,) me too1 fri5d1 x is z x is ) y4 ,i'm go+ n[h]e4 ,i'm j travell+4 ,i'm on a pilgrimage40 ,gov9da spoke3 8,y're say+3 y're on a pilgrimage1 & ,i believe y4 ,b1 =give me1 oh ,siddh>?a1 y d n look l a pilgrim4 ,y're we>+ a ri* man's g>m5ts1 y're we>+ ! %oes ( a di/+ui%$ g5tleman1 & y\r hair1 ) ! fragrance ( p]fume1 is n a pilgrim's hair1 n ! hair ( a ,samana40 8,"r s1 my de>1 y h obs]v$ well1 y\r ke5 eyes see ev]y?+4 ,b ,i hav5't said to y t ,i 0 a ,samana4 ,i said3 ,i'm on a pilgrimage4 ,& s x is3 ,i'm on a pilgrimage40 8,y're on a pilgrimage10 said ,gov9da4 8,b few w\ld g on a pilgrimage 9 su* clo!s1 few 9 su* %oes1 few ) su* hair4 ,nev] ,i h met su* a pilgrim1 be+ a pilgrim myself = _m ye>s40 8,i believe y1 my de> ,gov9da4 ,b n[1 today1 y've met a pilgrim j l ?is1 we>+ su* %oes1 su* a g>m5t4 ,rememb]1 my de>3 ,n et]nal is ! _w ( appe>ances1 n et]nal1 any?+ b et]nal are our g>m5ts & ! /yle ( our hair1 & our hair & bodies !mselves4 ,i'm we>+ a ri* man's clo!s1 y've se5 ?is q "r4 ,i'm we>+ !m1 because ,i h be5 a ri* man1 & ,i'm we>+ my hair l ! worldly & lu/ful p1 = ,i h be5 "o ( !m40 8,& n[1 ,siddh>?a1 :at are y n[80 8,i don't "k x1 ,i don't "k x j l y4 ,i'm travell+4 ,i 0 a ri* man & am no ri* man any m1 & :at ,i'll be tomorr[1 ,i don't "k40 8,y've lo/ y\r ri*es80 8,i've lo/ !m or !y me4 ,!y someh[ happ5$ to slip away f me4 ,! :eel ( physical manife/ations is turn+ quickly1 ,gov9da4 ,:]e is ,siddh>?a ! ,brahman8 ,:]e is ,siddh>?a ! ,samana8 ,:]e is ,siddh>?a ! ri* man8 ,non-et]nal ?+s *ange quickly1 ,gov9da1 y "k x40 ,gov9da look$ at ! fri5d ( 8 y\? = a long "t1 ) d\bt 9 8 eyes4 ,aft] t1 he gave him ! salutation :i* "o w\ld use on a g5tleman & w5t on 8 way4 ,) a smil+ face1 ,siddh>?a wat*$ him leave1 he lov$ him /ill1 ?is fai?ful man1 ?is fe>ful man4 ,& h[ c\ld he n h lov$ ev]ybody & ev]y?+ 9 ?is mom5t1 9 ! glori\s h\r aft] 8 wond]ful sleep1 fill$ ) ,om6 ,! en*antm5t1 :i* _h happ5$ inside ( him 9 8 sleep & by means ( ! ,om1 0 ?is v ?+ t he lov$ ev]y?+1 t he 0 full ( joyful love = ev]y?+ he saw4 ,& x 0 ?is v ?+1 s x seem$ to him n[1 :i* _h be5 8 sickness be=e1 t he 0 n able to love anybody or any?+4 ,) a smil+ face1 ,siddh>?a wat*$ ! leav+ monk4 ,! sleep _h /r5g!n$ him mu*1 b hung] gave him mu* pa91 = by n[ he _h n eat5 = two days1 & ! times 7 long pa/ :5 he _h be5 t\gh aga9/ hung]4 ,) sadness1 & yet also ) a smile1 he ?\ght ( t "t4 ,9 ^? days1 s he rememb]$1 he _h boa/$ ( ?ree ?+s to ,kamala1 _h be5 able to d ?ree noble & undefeatable feats3 fa/+--wait+--?9k+4 ,^! _h be5 8 possessions1 8 p[] & /r5g?1 8 solid /aff2 9 ! busy1 labori\s ye>s ( 8 y\?1 he _h le>n$ ^! ?ree feats1 no?+ else4 ,& n[1 !y _h ab&on$ him1 none ( !m 0 8 any m1 nei!r fa/+1 nor wait+1 nor ?9k+4 ,= ! mo/ wret*$ ?+s1 he _h giv5 !m up1 = :at fades mo/ quickly1 = s5sual lu/1 = ! good life1 = ri*es6 ,8 life _h inde$ be5 /range4 ,& n[1 s x seem$1 n[ he _h really become a *ildlike p]son4 ,siddh>?a ?\ght ab\t 8 situation4 ,?9k+ 0 h>d on him1 he did n really feel l x1 b he =c$ himself4 ,n[1 he ?\ght1 s9ce all ^! mo/ easily p]i%+ ?+s h slipp$ f me aga91 n[ ,i'm /&+ "h "u ! sun aga9 j z ,i h be5 /&+ "h a little *ild1 no?+ is m9e1 ,i h no abilities1 !re is no?+ ,i c\ld br+ ab\t1 ,i h le>n$ no?+4 ,h[ wondr\s is ?is6 ,n[1 t ,i'm no long] "y1 t my hair is already half gray1 t my /r5g? is fad+1 n[ ,i'm />t+ aga9 at ! beg9n+ & z a *ild6 ,aga91 he _h to smile4 ,yes1 8 fate _h be5 /range6 ,?+s 7 go+ d[nhill ) him1 & n[ he 0 aga9 fac+ ! _w void & nak$ & /upid4 ,b he c\ld n feel sad ab\t ?is1 no1 he ev5 felt a great urge to laugh1 to laugh ab\t himself1 to laugh ab\t ?is /range1 fooli% _w4 8,?+s are go+ d[nhill ) y60 he said to himself1 & laugh$ ab\t x1 & z he 0 say+ x1 he happ5$ to glance at ! riv]1 & he also saw ! riv] go+ d[nhill1 always mov+ on d[nhill1 & s++ & be+ happy ?r\gh x all4 ,he lik$ ?is well1 k9dly he smil$ at ! riv]4 ,0 ?is n ! riv] 9 :i* he _h int5d$ to dr[n himself1 9 pa/ times1 a hundr$ ye>s ago1 or _h he dream$ ?is8 ,wondr\s inde$ 0 my life1 s he ?\ght1 wondr\s det\rs x has tak54 ,z a boy1 ,i _h only to d ) gods & (f]+s4 ,z a y\?1 ,i _h only to d ) asceticism1 ) ?9k+ & m$itation1 0 se>*+ = ,brahman1 wor%ipp$ ! et]nal 9 ! ,atman4 ,b z a "y man1 ,i foll[$ ! p5it5ts1 liv$ 9 ! =e/1 suff]$ ( heat & fro/1 le>n$ to hung]1 taught my body to become dead4 ,wond]fully1 soon aft]w>ds1 insight came t[>ds me 9 ! =m ( ! great ,buddha's tea*+s1 ,i felt ! k ( ! on5ess ( ! _w circl+ 9 me l my own blood4 ,b ,i also _h to leave ,buddha & ! great k4 ,i w5t & le>n$ ! art ( love ) ,kamala1 le>n$ trad+ ) ,kamaswami1 pil$ up money1 wa/$ money1 le>n$ to love my /oma*1 le>n$ to please my s5ses4 ,i _h to sp5d _m ye>s los+ my _s1 to unle>n ?9k+ aga91 to =get ! on5ess4 ,isn't x j z if ,i _h turn$ sl[ly & on a long det\r f a man into a *ild1 f a ?9k] into a *ildlike p]son8 ,& yet1 ?is pa? has be5 v good2 & yet1 ! bird 9 my *e/ has n di$4 ,b :at a pa? has ?is be56 ,i _h to pass ?r\gh s mu* /upidity1 ?r\gh s mu* vice1 ?r\gh s _m errors1 ?r\gh s mu* disgu/ & disappo9tm5ts & woe1 j to become a *ild aga9 & to be able to />t ov]4 ,b x 0 "r s1 my he>t says 8,yes0 to x1 my eyes smile to x4 ,i've _h to exp]i5ce despair1 ,i've _h to s9k d[n to ! mo/ fooli% "o ( all ?\ghts1 to ! ?\ght ( suicide1 9 ord] to be able to exp]i5ce div9e grace1 to he> ,om aga91 to be able to sleep prop]ly & awake prop]ly aga94 ,i _h to become a fool1 to f9d ,atman 9 me aga94 ,i _h to s91 to be able to live aga94 ,:]e else might my pa? lead me to8 ,x is fooli%1 ?is pa?1 x moves 9 loops1 p]haps x is go+ ar\nd 9 a circle4 ,let x g z x likes1 ,i want to take x4 ,wond]fully1 he felt joy roll+ l waves 9 8 *e/4 ,:]ev] f1 he ask$ 8 he>t1 :]e f did y get ?is happ9ess8 ,might x come f t long1 good sleep1 :i* has done me s good8 ,or f ! ^w ,om1 :i* ,i said8 ,or f ! fact t ,i h escap$1 t ,i h completely fl$1 t ,i am f9ally free aga9 & am /&+ l a *ild "u ! sky8 ,oh h[ good is x to h fl$1 to h become free6 ,h[ clean & beautiful is ! air "h1 h[ good to brea!6 ,!re1 :]e ,i ran away f1 !re ev]y?+ smell$ ( o9tm5ts1 ( spices1 ( w9e1 ( excess1 ( slo?4 ,h[ ,i hat$ ?is _w ( ! ri*1 ( ^? :o revel 9 f9e food1 ( ! gambl]s6 ,h[ ,i hat$ myself = /ay+ 9 ?is t]rible _w = s long6 ,h[ ,i hat$ myself1 h depriv$1 poison$1 tortur$ myself1 h made myself old & evil6 ,no1 nev] aga9 ,i w1 z ,i us$ to l do+ s mu*1 delude myself into ?9k+ t ,siddh>?a 0 wise6 ,b ?is "o ?+ ,i h done well1 ?is ,i l1 ?is ,i mu/ praise1 t !re is n[ an end to t hatr$ aga9/ myself1 to t fooli% & dre>y life6 ,i praise y1 ,siddh>?a1 aft] s _m ye>s ( fooli%ness1 y h once aga9 _h an idea1 h done some?+1 h he>d ! bird 9 y\r *e/ s++ & h foll[$ x6 ,?us he prais$ himself1 f\nd joy 9 himself1 li/5$ curi\sly to 8 /oma*1 :i* 0 rumbl+ ) hung]4 ,he _h n[1 s he felt1 9 ^! rec5t times & days1 completely ta/$ & spit out1 dev\r$ up to ! po9t ( desp]ation & dea?1 a piece ( suff]+1 a piece ( mis]y4 ,l ?is1 x 0 good4 ,= mu* long]1 he c\ld h /ay$ ) ,kamaswami1 made money1 wa/$ money1 fill$ 8 /oma*1 & let 8 s\l die ( ?ir/2 = mu* long] he c\ld h liv$ 9 ?is s(t1 well uphol/]$ hell1 if ?is _h n happ5$3 ! mom5t ( complete hopelessness & despair1 t mo/ extreme mom5t1 :5 he hung ov] ! ru%+ wat]s & 0 ready to de/roy himself4 ,t he _h felt ?is despair1 ?is deep disgu/1 & t he _h n succumb$ to x1 t ! bird1 ! joyful s\rce & voice 9 him 0 /ill alive aft] all1 ?is 0 :y he felt joy1 ?is 0 :y he laugh$1 ?is 0 :y 8 face 0 smil+ brightly "u 8 hair :i* _h turn$ gray4 8,x is good10 he ?\ght1 8to get a ta/e ( ev]y?+ = oneself1 :i* "o ne$s to "k4 ,t lu/ = ! _w & ri*es d n belong to ! good ?+s1 ,i h already le>n$ z a *ild4 ,i h kn[n x = a long "t1 b ,i h exp]i5c$ only n[4 ,& n[ ,i "k x1 don't j "k x 9 my memory1 b 9 my eyes1 9 my he>t1 9 my /oma*4 ,good = me1 to "k ?is60 ,= a long "t1 he pond]$ 8 trans=mation1 li/5$ to ! bird1 z x sang = joy4 ,_h n ?is bird di$ 9 him1 _h he n felt its dea?8 ,no1 some?+ else f )9 him _h di$1 some?+ :i* already = a long "t _h ye>n$ to die4 ,0 x n ?is :at he us$ to int5d to kill 9 8 ard5t ye>s z a p5it5t8 ,0 ?is n 8 self1 8 small1 fright5$1 & pr\d self1 he _h wre/l$ ) = s _m ye>s1 :i* _h defeat$ him aga9 & aga91 :i* 0 back aga9 aft] e kill+1 prohibit$ joy1 felt fe>8 ,0 x n ?is1 :i* today _h f9ally come to its dea?1 "h 9 ! =e/1 by ?is lovely riv]8 ,0 x n due to ?is dea?1 t he 0 n[ l a *ild1 s full ( tru/1 s )\t fe>1 s full ( joy8 ,n[ ,siddh>?a also got "s idea ( :y he _h f\ght ?is self 9 va9 z a ,brahman1 z a p5it5t4 ,too mu* k _h held him back1 too _m holy v]ses1 too _m sacrificial rules1 to mu* self-ca/igation1 s mu* do+ & /riv+ = t goal6 ,full ( arrogance1 he _h be51 always ! sm>te/1 always work+ ! mo/1 always "o /ep ahead ( all o!rs1 always ! kn[+ & spiritual "o1 always ! prie/ or wise "o4 ,into be+ a prie/1 into ?is arrogance1 into ?is spirituality1 8 self _h retreat$1 !re x sat firmly & grew1 :ile he ?\ght he w\ld kill x by fa/+ & p5ance4 ,n[ he saw x & saw t ! secret voice _h be5 "r1 t no tea*] w\ld ev] h be5 able to br+ ab\t 8 salvation4 ,!re=e1 he _h to g out into ! _w1 lose himself to lu/ & p[]1 to woman & money1 _h to become a m]*ant1 a dice-gambl]1 a dr9k]1 & a gre$y p]son1 until ! prie/ & ,samana 9 him 0 dead4 ,!re=e1 he _h to cont9ue be>+ ^! ugly ye>s1 be>+ ! disgu/1 ! tea*+s1 ! po9tlessness ( a dre>y & wa/$ life up to ! end1 up to bitt] despair1 until ,siddh>?a ! lu/ful1 ,siddh>?a ! gre$y c\ld also die4 ,he _h di$1 a new ,siddh>?a _h wok5 up f ! sleep4 ,he w\ld also gr[ old1 he w\ld also ev5tually h to die1 mortal 0 ,siddh>?a1 mortal 0 e physical =m4 ,b today he 0 "y1 0 a *ild1 ! new ,siddh>?a1 & 0 full ( joy4 ,he ?\ght ^! ?\ghts1 li/5$ ) a smile to 8 /oma*1 li/5$ gratefully to a buzz+ bee4 ,*e]fully1 he look$ into ! ru%+ riv]1 nev] be=e he _h lik$ a wat] s well z ?is "o1 nev] be=e he _h p]ceiv$ ! voice & ! p>able ( ! mov+ wat] ?us /rongly & beautifully4 ,x seem$ to him1 z if ! riv] _h some?+ special to tell him1 some?+ he did n "k yet1 :i* 0 /ill await+ him4 ,9 ?is riv]1 ,siddh>?a _h int5d$ to dr[n himself1 9 x ! old1 tir$1 desp]ate ,siddh>?a _h dr[n$ today4 ,b ! new ,siddh>?a felt a deep love = ?is ru%+ wat]1 & decid$ = himself1 n to leave x v soon4 ,,! ,,f]ryman ,by ?is riv] ,i want to /ay1 ?\ght ,siddh>?a1 x is ! same :i* ,i h cross$ a long "t ago on my way to ! *ildlike p1 a fri5dly f]ryman _h guid$ me !n1 he is ! "o ,i want to g to1 />t+ out f 8 hut1 my pa? _h l$ me at t "t into a new life1 :i* _h n[ gr[n old & is dead--my pres5t pa?1 my pres5t new life1 %all also take its />t !re6 ,t5d]ly1 he look$ into ! ru%+ wat]1 into ! transp>5t gre51 into ! cry/al l9es ( its draw+1 s ri* 9 secrets4 ,bright pe>ls he saw ris+ f ! deep1 quiet bubbles ( air float+ on ! reflect+ surface1 ! blue ( ! sky be+ depict$ 9 x4 ,) a ?\s& eyes1 ! riv] look$ at him1 ) gre5 ones1 ) :ite ones1 ) cry/al ones1 ) sky-blue ones4 ,h[ did he love ?is wat]1 h[ did x delight him1 h[ grateful 0 he to x6 ,9 8 he>t he he>d ! voice talk+1 :i* 0 newly awak+1 & x told him3 ,love ?is wat]6 ,/ay ne> x6 ,le>n f x6 ,oh yes1 he want$ to le>n f x1 he want$ to li/5 to x4 ,he :o w\ld und]/& ?is wat] & its secrets1 s x seem$ to him1 w\ld also und]/& _m o!r ?+s1 _m secrets1 all secrets4 ,b out ( all secrets ( ! riv]1 he today only saw "o1 ?is "o t\*$ 8 s\l4 ,he saw3 ?is wat] ran & ran1 incessantly x ran1 & 0 nev]!less always !re1 0 always at all times ! same & yet new 9 e mom5t6 ,great be he :o w\ld grasp ?is1 und]/& ?is6 ,he und]/ood & grasp$ x n1 only felt "s idea ( x /irr+1 a di/ant memory1 div9e voices4 ,siddh>?a rose1 ! work+s ( hung] 9 8 body became unbe>able4 ,9 a daze he walk$ on1 up ! pa? by ! bank1 upriv]1 li/5$ to ! curr5t1 li/5$ to ! rumbl+ hung] 9 8 body4 ,:5 he rea*$ ! f]ry1 ! boat 0 j ready1 & ! same f]ryman :o _h once transport$ ! "y ,samana across ! riv]1 /ood 9 ! boat1 ,siddh>?a recognis$ him1 he _h also ag$ v mu*4 8,w\ld y l to f]ry me ov]80 he ask$4 ,! f]ryman1 be+ a/oni%$ to see su* an elegant man walk+ along & on foot1 took him into 8 boat & pu%$ x (f ! bank4 8,x's a beautiful life y h *os5 = y\rself10 ! pass5g] spoke4 8,x mu/ be beautiful to live by ?is wat] e day & to cruise on x40 ,) a smile1 ! man at ! o> mov$ f side to side3 8,x is beautiful1 sir1 x is z y say4 ,b isn't e life1 isn't e "w beautiful80 8,?is may be true4 ,b ,i envy y = y\rs40 8,ah1 y w\ld soon /op enjoy+ x4 ,?is is no?+ = p we>+ f9e clo!s40 ,siddh>?a laugh$4 8,once be=e1 ,i h be5 look$ ^u today because ( my clo!s1 ,i h be5 look$ ^u ) di/ru/4 ,w\ldn't y1 f]ryman1 l to accept ^! clo!s1 :i* are a nuisance to me1 f me8 ,= y mu/ "k1 ,i h no money to pay y\r f>e40 8,y're jok+1 sir10 ! f]ryman laugh$4 8,i'm n jok+1 fri5d4 ,behold1 once be=e y h f]ri$ me across ?is wat] 9 y\r boat = ! immat]ial rew>d ( a good de$4 ,?us1 d x today z well1 & accept my clo!s = x40 8,& d y1 sir1 int5t to cont9ue travell+ )\t clo!s80 8,ah1 mo/ ( all ,i w\ldn't want to cont9ue travell+ at all4 ,mo/ ( all ,i w\ld r y1 f]ryman1 gave me an old lo9clo? & kept me ) y z y\r assi/ant1 or r z y\r tra9ee1 = ,i'll h to le>n fir/ h[ to h&le ! boat40 ,= a long "t1 ! f]ryman look$ at ! /rang]1 se>*+4 8,n[ ,i recognise y10 he f9ally said4 8,at "o "t1 y've slept 9 my hut1 ?is 0 a long "t ago1 possibly m ?an tw5ty ye>s ago1 & y've be5 f]ri$ across ! riv] by me1 & we p>t$ l good fri5ds4 ,hav5't y be5 a ,samana8 ,i c't ?9k ( y\r "n any m40 8,my "n is ,siddh>?a1 & ,i 0 a ,samana1 :5 y've la/ se5 me40 8,s be welcome1 ,siddh>?a4 ,my "n is ,vasudeva4 ,y w1 s ,i hope1 be my gue/ today z well & sleep 9 my hut1 & tell me1 :]e y're com+ f & :y ^! beautiful clo!s are su* a nuisance to y40 ,!y _h rea*$ ! middle ( ! riv]1 & ,vasudeva pu%$ ! o> ) m /r5g?1 9 ord] to ov]come ! curr5t4 ,he work$ calmly1 8 eyes fix$ 9 on ! front ( ! boat1 ) brawny arms4 ,siddh>?a sat & wat*$ him1 & rememb]$1 h[ once be=e1 on t la/ day ( 8 "t z a ,samana1 love = ?is man _h /irr$ 9 8 he>t4 ,gratefully1 he accept$ ,vasudeva's invitation4 ,:5 !y _h rea*$ ! bank1 he help$ him to tie ! boat to ! /akes2 aft] ?is1 ! f]ryman ask$ him to ent] ! hut1 (f]$ him bread & wat]1 & ,siddh>?a ate ) eag] pleasure1 & also ate ) eag] pleasure ( ! mango fruits ,vasudeva (f]$ him4 ,aft]w>ds1 x 0 almo/ ! "t ( ! sunset1 !y sat on a log by ! bank1 & ,siddh>?a told ! f]ryman ab\t :]e he orig9ally came f & ab\t 8 life1 z he _h se5 x be=e 8 eyes today1 9 t h\r ( despair4 ,until late at night1 la/$ 8 tale4 ,vasudeva li/5$ ) great att5tion4 ,li/5+ c>efully1 he let ev]y?+ ent] 8 m9d1 bir?place & *ildhood1 all t le>n+1 all t se>*+1 all joy1 all di/ress4 ,?is 0 among ! f]ryman's virtues "o ( ! greate/3 l only a few1 he knew h[ to li/54 ,)\t him hav+ spok5 a ^w1 ! speak] s5s$ h[ ,vasudeva let 8 words ent] 8 m9d1 quiet1 op51 wait+1 h[ he did n lose a s+le "o1 await$ n a s+le "o ) impati5ce1 did n add 8 praise or rebuke1 0 j li/5+4 ,siddh>?a felt1 :at a happy =tune x is1 to confess to su* a li/5]1 to bury 9 8 he>t 8 own life1 8 own se>*1 8 own suff]+4 ,b 9 ! end ( ,siddh>?a's tale1 :5 he spoke ( ! tree by ! riv]1 & ( 8 deep fall1 ( ! holy ,om1 & h[ he _h felt su* a love = ! riv] aft] 8 slumb]1 ! f]ryman li/5$ ) twice ! att5tion1 entirely & completely absorb$ by x1 ) 8 eyes clos$4 ,b :5 ,siddh>?a fell sil5t1 & a long sil5ce _h occurr$1 !n ,vasudeva said3 8,x is z ,i ?\ght4 ,! riv] has spok5 to y4 ,x is y\r fri5d z well1 x speaks to y z well4 ,t is good1 t is v good4 ,/ay ) me1 ,siddh>?a1 my fri5d4 ,i us$ to h a wife1 h] b$ 0 next to m9e1 b %e has di$ a long "t ago1 = a long "t1 ,i h liv$ alone4 ,n[1 y %all live ) me1 !re is space & food = bo?40 8,i ?ank y10 said ,siddh>?a1 8,i ?ank y & accept4 ,& ,i also ?ank y = ?is1 ,vasudeva1 = li/5+ to me s well6 ,^! p are r>e :o "k h[ to li/54 ,& ,i did n meet a s+le "o :o knew x z well z y did4 ,i w also le>n 9 ?is respect f y40 8,y w le>n x10 spoke ,vasudeva1 8b n f me4 ,! riv] has taught me to li/51 f x y w le>n x z well4 ,x kn[s ev]y?+1 ! riv]1 ev]y?+ c be le>n$ f x4 ,see1 y've already le>n$ ?is f ! wat] too1 t x is good to /rive d[nw>ds1 to s9k1 to seek dep?4 ,! ri* & elegant ,siddh>?a is becom+ an o>sman's s]vant1 ! le>n$ ,brahman ,siddh>?a becomes a f]ryman3 ?is has also be5 told to y by ! riv]4 ,y'll le>n t o!r ?+ f x z well40 ,quo? ,siddh>?a aft] a long pause3 8,:at o!r ?+1 ,vasudeva80 ,vasudeva rose4 8,x is late10 he said1 8let's g to sleep4 ,i c't tell y t o!r ?+1 oh fri5d4 ,y'll le>n x1 or p]haps y "k x already4 ,see1 ,i'm no le>n$ man1 ,i h no special skill 9 speak+1 ,i also h no special skill 9 ?9k+4 ,all ,i'm able to d is to li/5 & to be godly1 ,i h le>n$ no?+ else4 ,if ,i 0 able to say & tea* x1 ,i might be a wise man1 b l ?is ,i am only a f]ryman1 & x is my task to f]ry p across ! riv]4 ,i h transport$ _m1 ?\s&s2 & to all ( !m1 my riv] has be5 no?+ b an ob/acle on _! travels4 ,!y travell$ to seek money & bus9ess1 & = w$d+s1 & on pilgrimages1 & ! riv] 0 ob/ruct+ _! pa?1 & ! f]ryman's job 0 to get !m quickly across t ob/acle4 ,b = "s among ?\s&s1 a few1 f\r or five1 ! riv] has /opp$ be+ an ob/acle1 !y h he>d its voice1 !y h li/5$ to x1 & ! riv] has become sacr$ to !m1 z x has become sacr$ to me4 ,let's re/ n[1 ,siddh>?a40 ,siddh>?a /ay$ ) ! f]ryman & le>n$ to op]ate ! boat1 & :5 !re 0 no?+ to d at ! f]ry1 he work$ ) ,vasudeva 9 ! rice-field1 ga!r$ wood1 pluck$ ! fruit (f ! banana-trees4 ,he le>n$ to build an o>1 & le>n$ to m5d ! boat1 & to weave baskets1 & 0 joyful because ( ev]y?+ he le>n$1 & ! days & mon?s pass$ quickly4 ,b m ?an ,vasudeva c\ld tea* him1 he 0 taught by ! riv]4 ,incessantly1 he le>n$ f x4 ,mo/ ( all1 he le>n$ f x to li/51 to pay close att5tion ) a quiet he>t1 ) a wait+1 op5$ s\l1 )\t passion1 )\t a wi%1 )\t judgem5t1 )\t an op9ion4 ,9 a fri5dly mann]1 he liv$ side by side ) ,vasudeva1 & occasionally !y ex*ang$ "s words1 few & at l5g? ?\ght ab\t words4 ,vasudeva 0 no fri5d ( words2 r>ely1 ,siddh>?a succe$$ 9 p]suad+ him to speak4 8,did y10 s he ask$ him at "o "t1 8did y too le>n t secret f ! riv]3 t !re is no "t80 ,vasudeva's face 0 fill$ ) a bright smile4 8,yes1 ,siddh>?a10 he spoke4 8,x is ?is :at y mean1 isn't x3 t ! riv] is ev]y:]e at once1 at ! s\rce & at ! m\?1 at ! wat]fall1 at ! f]ry1 at ! rapids1 9 ! sea1 9 ! m\nta9s1 ev]y:]e at once1 & t !re is only ! pres5t "t = x1 n ! %ad[ ( ! pa/1 n ! %ad[ ( ! future80 8,?is x is10 said ,siddh>?a4 8,& :5 ,i _h le>n$ x1 ,i look$ at my life1 & x 0 also a riv]1 & ! boy ,siddh>?a 0 only sep>at$ f ! man ,siddh>?a & f ! old man ,siddh>?a by a %ad[1 n by some?+ real4 ,also1 ,siddh>?a's previ\s bir?s 7 no pa/1 & 8 dea? & 8 return to ,brahma 0 no future4 ,no?+ 01 no?+ w be2 ev]y?+ is1 ev]y?+ has exi/5ce & is pres5t40 ,siddh>?a spoke ) ec/asy2 deeply1 ?is enlight5m5t _h delight$ him4 ,oh1 0 n all suff]+ "t1 7 n all =ms ( torm5t+ oneself & be+ afraid "t1 0 n ev]y?+ h>d1 ev]y?+ ho/ile 9 ! _w gone & ov]come z soon z "o _h ov]come "t1 z soon z "t w\ld h be5 put out ( exi/5ce by "o's ?\ghts8 ,9 ec/atic delight1 he _h spok51 b ,vasudeva smil$ at him brightly & nodd$ 9 confirmation2 sil5tly he nodd$1 bru%$ 8 h& ov] ,siddh>?a's %\ld]1 turn$ back to 8 "w4 ,& once aga91 :5 ! riv] _h j increas$ its fl[ 9 ! ra9y season & made a p[]ful noise1 !n said ,siddh>?a3 8,isn't x s1 oh fri5d1 ! riv] has _m voices1 v _m voices8 ,hasn't x ! voice ( a k+1 & ( a w>rior1 & ( a bull1 & ( a bird ( ! night1 & ( a woman giv+ bir?1 & ( a sigh+ man1 & a ?\s& o!r voices m80 8,s x is10 ,vasudeva nodd$1 8all voices ( ! creatures are 9 its voice40 8,& d y "k10 ,siddh>?a cont9u$1 8:at ^w x speaks1 :5 y succe$ 9 he>+ all ( its t5 ?\s& voices at once80 ,happily1 ,vasudeva's face 0 smil+1 he b5t ov] to ,siddh>?a & spoke ! holy ,om into 8 e>4 ,& ?is _h be5 ! v ?+ :i* ,siddh>?a _h also be5 he>+4 ,& "t aft] "t1 8 smile became m simil> to ! f]ryman's1 became almo/ j z bright1 almo/ j z ?or\ghly gl[+ ) bliss1 j z %9+ out ( ?\s& small wr9kles1 j z alike to a *ild's1 j z alike to an old man's4 ,_m travell]s1 see+ ! two f]rym51 ?\ght !y 7 bro!rs4 ,(t51 !y sat 9 ! ev5+ toge!r by ! bank on ! log1 said no?+ & bo? li/5$ to ! wat]1 :i* 0 no wat] to !m1 b ! voice ( life1 ! voice ( :at exi/s1 ( :at is et]nally tak+ %ape4 ,& x happ5$ f "t to "t t bo?1 :5 li/5+ to ! riv]1 ?\ght ( ! same ?+s1 ( a conv]sation f ! day be=e ye/]day1 ( "o ( _! travell]s1 ! face & fate ( :om _h occupi$ _! ?\ghts1 ( dea?1 ( _! *ildhood1 & t !y bo? 9 ! same mom5t1 :5 ! riv] _h be5 say+ some?+ good to !m1 look$ at ea* o!r1 bo? ?9k+ precisely ! same ?+1 bo? delight$ ab\t ! same answ] to ! same "q4 ,!re 0 some?+ ab\t ?is f]ry & ! two f]rym5 :i* 0 transmitt$ to o!rs1 :i* _m ( ! travell]s felt4 ,x happ5$ occasionally t a travell]1 aft] hav+ look$ at ! face ( "o ( ! f]rym51 />t$ to tell ! /ory ( 8 life1 told ab\t pa9s1 confess$ evil ?+s1 ask$ = com=t & advice4 ,x happ5$ occasionally t someone ask$ = p]mission to /ay = a night ) !m to li/5 to ! riv]4 ,x also happ5$ t curi\s p came1 :o _h be5 told t !re 7 two wise m51 or sorc]]s1 or holy m5 liv+ by t f]ry4 ,! curi\s p ask$ _m que/ions1 b !y got no answ]s1 & !y f\nd nei!r sorc]]s nor wise m51 !y only f\nd two fri5dly little old m51 :o seem$ to be mute & to h become a bit /range & gaga4 ,& ! curi\s p laugh$ & 7 discuss+ h[ fooli%ly & gullibly ! common p 7 spread+ su* empty rum\rs4 ,! ye>s pass$ by1 & nobody c\nt$ !m4 ,!n1 at "o "t1 monks came by on a pilgrimage1 foll[]s ( ,gotama1 ! ,buddha1 :o 7 ask+ to be f]ri$ across ! riv]1 & by !m ! f]rym5 7 told t !y 7 mo/ hurri$ly walk+ back to _! great tea*]1 = ! news _h spread ! exalt$ "o 0 deadly sick & w\ld soon die 8 la/ human dea?1 9 ord] to become "o ) ! salvation4 ,x 0 n long1 until a new flock ( monks came along on _! pilgrimage1 & ano!r "o1 & ! monks z well z mo/ ( ! o!r travell]s & p walk+ ?r\gh ! l& spoke ( no?+ else ?an ( ,gotama & 8 imp5d+ dea?4 ,& z p are flock+ f ev]y:]e & f all sides1 :5 !y are go+ to w> or to ! coronation ( a k+1 & are ga!r+ l ants 9 droves1 ?us !y flock$1 l be+ drawn on by a magic spell1 to :]e ! great ,buddha 0 await+ 8 dea?1 :]e ! huge ev5t 0 to take place & ! great p]fect$ "o ( an era 0 to become "o ) ! glory4 ,(t51 ,siddh>?a ?\ght 9 ^? days ( ! dy+ wise man1 ! great tea*]1 ^: voice _h admoni%$ nations & _h awok5 hundr$s ( ?\s&s1 ^: voice he _h also once he>d1 ^: holy face he _h also once se5 ) respect4 ,k9dly1 he ?\ght ( him1 saw 8 pa? to p]fection be=e 8 eyes1 & rememb]$ ) a smile ^? words :i* he _h once1 z a "y man1 said to him1 ! exalt$ "o4 ,!y _h be51 s x seem$ to him1 pr\d & precoci\s words2 ) a smile1 he rememb]$ !m4 ,= a long "t he knew t !re 0 no?+ /&+ betwe5 ,gotama & him any m1 ?\gh he 0 /ill unable to accept 8 tea*+s4 ,no1 !re 0 no tea*+ a truly se>*+ p]son1 someone :o truly want$ to f9d1 c\ld accept4 ,b he :o _h f\nd1 he c\ld approve ( any tea*+s1 e pa?1 e goal1 !re 0 no?+ /&+ betwe5 him & all ! o!r ?\s& any m :o liv$ 9 t :at is et]nal1 :o brea!d :at is div9e4 ,on "o ( ^! days1 :5 s _m w5t on a pilgrimage to ! dy+ ,buddha1 ,kamala also w5t to him1 :o us$ to be ! mo/ beautiful ( ! c\rtesans4 ,a long "t ago1 %e _h retir$ f h] previ\s life1 _h giv5 h] g>d5 to ! monks ( ,gotama z a gift1 _h tak5 h] refuge 9 ! tea*+s1 0 among ! fri5ds & b5efactors ( ! pilgrims4 ,toge!r ) ,siddh>?a ! boy1 h] son1 %e _h gone on h] way due to ! news ( ! ne> dea? ( ,gotama1 9 simple clo!s1 on foot4 ,) h] little son1 %e 0 travell+ by ! riv]2 b ! boy _h soon gr[n tir$1 desir$ to g back home1 desir$ to re/1 desir$ to eat1 became disob$i5t & />t$ :9+4 ,kamala (t5 _h to take a re/ ) him1 he 0 accu/om$ to hav+ 8 way aga9/ h]1 %e _h to fe$ him1 _h to com=t him1 _h to scold him4 ,he did n compreh5d :y he _h to g on ?is exhau/+ & sad pilgrimage ) 8 "m1 to an unkn[n place1 to a /rang]1 :o 0 holy & ab\t to die4 ,s :at if he di$1 h[ did ?is conc]n ! boy8 ,! pilgrims 7 gett+ close to ,vasudeva's f]ry1 :5 little ,siddh>?a once aga9 =c$ 8 "m to re/4 ,%e1 ,kamala h]self1 _h also become tir$1 & :ile ! boy 0 *ew+ a banana1 %e cr\*$ d[n on ! gr\nd1 clos$ h] eyes a bit1 & re/$4 ,b sudd5ly1 %e utt]$ a wail+ scream1 ! boy look$ at h] 9 fe> & saw h] face hav+ gr[n pale f horror2 & f "u h] dress1 a small1 black snake fl$1 by :i* ,kamala _h be5 bitt54 ,hurri$ly1 !y n[ bo? ran along ! pa?1 9 ord] to rea* p1 & got ne> to ! f]ry1 !re ,kamala collaps$1 & 0 n able to g any fur!r4 ,b ! boy />t$ cry+ mis]ably1 only int]rupt+ x to kiss & hug 8 "m1 & %e also jo9$ 8 l\d screams = help1 until ! s\nd rea*$ ,vasudeva's e>s1 :o /ood at ! f]ry4 ,quickly1 he came walk+1 took ! woman on 8 arms1 c>ri$ h] into ! boat1 ! boy ran along1 & soon !y all rea*$ ! hut1 :]e ,siddh>?a /ood by ! /ove & 0 j light+ ! fire4 ,he look$ up & fir/ saw ! boy's face1 :i* wondr\sly rem9d$ him ( some?+1 l a w>n+ to rememb] some?+ he _h =gott54 ,!n he saw ,kamala1 :om he in/antly recognis$1 ?\gh %e lay unconsci\s 9 ! f]ryman's arms1 & n[ he knew t x 0 8 own son1 ^: face _h be5 su* a w>n+ rem9d] to him1 & ! he>t /irr$ 9 8 *e/4 ,kamala's w\nd 0 wa%$1 b _h already turn$ black & h] body 0 swoll51 %e 0 made to dr9k a heal+ potion4 ,h] consci\sness return$1 %e lay on ,siddh>?a's b$ 9 ! hut & b5t ov] h] /ood ,siddh>?a1 :o us$ to love h] s mu*4 ,x seem$ l a dream to h]2 ) a smile1 %e look$ at h] fri5d's face2 j sl[ly %e1 realiz$ h] situation1 rememb]$ ! bite1 call$ timidly = ! boy4 8,he's ) y1 don't worry10 said ,siddh>?a4 ,kamala look$ into 8 eyes4 ,%e spoke ) a heavy tongue1 p>alys$ by ! poison4 8,y've become old1 my de>10 %e said1 8y've become gray4 ,b y are l ! "y ,samana1 :o at "o "t came )\t clo!s1 ) du/y feet1 to me into ! g>d54 ,y are mu* m l him ?an y 7 l him at t "t :5 y _h left me & ,kamaswami4 ,9 ! eyes1 y're l him1 ,siddh>?a4 ,alas1 ,i h also gr[n old1 old--c\ld y /ill recognise me80 ,siddh>?a smil$3 8,in/antly1 ,i recognis$ y1 ,kamala1 my de>40 ,kamala po9t$ to h] boy & said3 8,did y recognise him z well8 ,he is y\r son40 ,h] eyes became confus$ & fell %ut4 ,! boy wept1 ,siddh>?a took him on 8 knees1 let him weep1 pett$ 8 hair1 & at ! sight ( ! *ild's face1 a ,brahman pray] came to 8 m9d1 :i* he _h le>n$ a long "t ago1 :5 he _h be5 a little boy himself4 ,sl[ly1 ) a s++ voice1 he />t$ to speak2 f 8 pa/ & *ildhood1 ! words came fl[+ to him4 ,& ) t s+song1 ! boy became calm1 0 only n[ & !n utt]+ a sob & fell asleep4 ,siddh>?a plac$ him on ,vasudeva's b$4 ,vasudeva /ood by ! /ove & cook$ rice4 ,siddh>?a gave him a look1 :i* he return$ ) a smile4 8,%e'll die10 ,siddh>?a said quietly4 ,vasudeva nodd$2 ov] 8 fri5dly face ran ! light ( ! /ove's fire4 ,once aga91 ,kamala return$ to consci\sness4 ,pa9 di/ort$ h] face1 ,siddh>?a's eyes read ! suff]+ on h] m\?1 on h] pale *eeks4 ,quietly1 he read x1 att5tively1 wait+1 8 m9d becom+ "o ) h] suff]+4 ,kamala felt x1 h] gaze s\ght 8 eyes4 ,look+ at him1 %e said3 8,n[ ,i see t y\r eyes h *ang$ z well4 ,!y've become completely diff]5t4 ,by :at d ,i /ill recognise t y're ,siddh>?a8 ,x's y1 & x's n y40 ,siddh>?a said no?+1 quietly 8 eyes look$ at h]s4 8,y h a*iev$ x80 %e ask$4 8,y h f\nd peace80 ,he smil$ & plac$ 8 h& on h]s4 8,i'm see+ x10 %e said1 8,i'm see+ x4 ,i too w f9d peace40 8,y h f\nd x10 ,siddh>?a spoke 9 a :isp]4 ,kamala nev] /opp$ look+ into 8 eyes4 ,%e ?\ght ab\t h] pilgrimage to ,gotama1 :i* %e want$ to take1 9 ord] to see ! face ( ! p]fect$ "o1 to brea! 8 peace1 & %e ?\ght t %e _h n[ f\nd him 9 8 place1 & t x 0 good1 j z good1 z if %e _h se5 ! o!r "o4 ,%e want$ to tell ?is to him1 b ! tongue no long] obey$ h] w4 ,)\t speak+1 %e look$ at him1 & he saw ! life fad+ f h] eyes4 ,:5 ! f9al pa9 fill$ h] eyes & made !m gr[ dim1 :5 ! f9al %iv] ran ?r\gh h] limbs1 8 f+] clos$ h] eyelids4 ,= a long "t1 he sat & look$ at h] peacefully dead face4 ,= a long "t1 he obs]v$ h] m\?1 h] old1 tir$ m\?1 ) ^? lips1 :i* _h become ?91 & he rememb]$1 t he us$ to1 9 ! spr+ ( 8 ye>s1 comp>e ?is m\? ) a fre%ly crack$ fig4 ,= a long "t1 he sat1 read 9 ! pale face1 9 ! tir$ wr9kles1 fill$ himself ) ?is sight1 saw 8 own face ly+ 9 ! same mann]1 j z :ite1 j z qu5*$ out1 & saw at ! same "t 8 face & h]s be+ "y1 ) r$ lips1 ) fi]y eyes1 & ! feel+ ( ?is bo? be+ pres5t & at ! same "t real1 ! feel+ ( et]nity1 completely fill$ e aspect ( 8 be+4 ,deeply he felt1 m deeply ?an ev] be=e1 9 ?is h\r1 ! inde/ructibility ( e life1 ! et]nity ( e mom5t4 ,:5 he rose1 ,vasudeva _h prep>$ rice = him4 ,b ,siddh>?a did n eat4 ,9 ! /able1 :]e _! goat /ood1 ! two old m5 prep>$ b$s ( /raw = !mselves1 & ,vasudeva lay himself d[n to sleep4 ,b ,siddh>?a w5t outside & sat ?is night be=e ! hut1 li/5+ to ! riv]1 surr\nd$ by ! pa/1 t\*$ & encircl$ by all times ( 8 life at ! same "t4 ,b occasionally1 he rose1 /epp$ to ! door ( ! hut & li/5$1 :e!r ! boy 0 sleep+4 ,e>ly 9 ! morn+1 ev5 be=e ! sun c\ld be se51 ,vasudeva came out ( ! /able & walk$ ov] to 8 fri5d4 8,y hav5't slept10 he said4 8,no1 ,vasudeva4 ,i sat "h1 ,i 0 li/5+ to ! riv]4 ,a lot x has told me1 deeply x has fill$ me ) ! heal+ ?\ght1 ) ! ?\ght ( on5ess40 8,y've exp]i5c$ suff]+1 ,siddh>?a1 b ,i see3 no sadness has ent]$ y\r he>t40 8,no1 my de>1 h[ %\ld ,i be sad8 ,i1 :o h be5 ri* & happy1 h become ev5 ri*] & happi] n[4 ,my son has be5 giv5 to me40 8,y\r son %all be welcome to me z well4 ,b n[1 ,siddh>?a1 let's get to "w1 !re is mu* to be done4 ,kamala has di$ on ! same b$ on :i* my wife _h di$ a long "t ago4 ,let u also build ,kamala's fun]al pile on ! same hill on :i* ,i _h !n built my wife's fun]al pile40 ,:ile ! boy 0 /ill asleep1 !y built ! fun]al pile4 ,,! ,,son ,timid & weep+1 ! boy _h att5d$ 8 "m's fun]al2 gloomy & %y1 he _h li/5$ to ,siddh>?a1 :o greet$ him z 8 son & welcom$ him at 8 place 9 ,vasudeva's hut4 ,pale1 he sat = _m days by ! hill ( ! dead1 did n want to eat1 gave no op5 look1 did n op5 8 he>t1 met 8 fate ) resi/ance & d5ial4 ,siddh>?a sp>$ him & let him d z he pleas$1 he hon\r$ 8 m\rn+4 ,siddh>?a und]/ood t 8 son did n "k him1 t he c\ld n love him l a fa!r4 ,sl[ly1 he also saw & und]/ood t ! elev5-ye>-old 0 a pamp]$ boy1 a "m's boy1 & t he _h gr[n up 9 ! habits ( ri* p1 accu/om$ to f9] food1 to a s(t b$1 accu/om$ to giv+ ord]s to s]vants4 ,siddh>?a und]/ood t ! m\rn+1 pamp]$ *ild c\ld n sudd5ly & will+ly be cont5t ) a life among /rang]s & 9 pov]ty4 ,he did n =ce him1 he did _m a *ore = him1 always pick$ ! be/ piece ( ! meal = him4 ,sl[ly1 he hop$ to w9 him ov]1 by fri5dly pati5ce4 ,ri* & happy1 he _h call$ himself1 :5 ! boy _h come to him4 ,s9ce "t _h pass$ on 9 ! meantime1 & ! boy rema9$ a /rang] & 9 a gloomy disposition1 s9ce he display$ a pr\d & /ubbornly disob$i5t he>t1 did n want to d any "w1 did n pay 8 respect to ! old m51 /ole f ,vasudeva's fruit-trees1 !n ,siddh>?a began to und]/& t 8 son _h n br\ght him happ9ess & peace1 b suff]+ & worry4 ,b he lov$ him1 & he pref]r$ ! suff]+ & worries ( love ov] happ9ess & joy )\t ! boy4 ,s9ce "y ,siddh>?a 0 9 ! hut1 ! old m5 _h split ! "w4 ,vasudeva _h aga9 tak5 on ! job ( ! f]ryman all by himself1 & ,siddh>?a1 9 ord] to be ) 8 son1 did ! "w 9 ! hut & ! field4 ,= a long "t1 = long mon?s1 ,siddh>?a wait$ = 8 son to und]/& him1 to accept 8 love1 to p]haps reciprocate x4 ,= long mon?s1 ,vasudeva wait$1 wat*+1 wait$ & said no?+4 ,"o day1 :5 ,siddh>?a ! y\ng] _h once aga9 torm5t$ 8 fa!r v mu* ) spite & an un/ead9ess 9 8 wi%es & _h brok5 bo? ( 8 rice-b[ls1 ,vasudeva took 9 ! ev5+ 8 fri5d aside & talk$ to him4 8,p>don me10 he said1 8f a fri5dly he>t1 ,i'm talk+ to y4 ,i'm see+ t y are torm5t+ y\rself1 ,i'm see+ t y're 9 grief4 ,y\r son1 my de>1 is worry+ y1 & he is also worry+ me4 ,t "y bird is accu/om$ to a diff]5t life1 to a diff]5t ne/4 ,he has n1 l y1 run away f ri*es & ! city1 be+ disgu/$ & f$ up ) x2 aga9/ 8 w1 he _h to leave all ?is beh9d4 ,i ask$ ! riv]1 oh fri5d1 _m times ,i h ask$ x4 ,b ! riv] laughs1 x laughs at me1 x laughs at y & me1 & is %ak+ ) laught] at our fooli%ness4 ,wat] wants to jo9 wat]1 y\? wants to jo9 y\?1 y\r son is n 9 ! place :]e he c prosp]4 ,y too %\ld ask ! riv]2 y too %\ld li/5 to x60 ,tr\bl$1 ,siddh>?a look$ into 8 fri5dly face1 9 ! _m wr9kles ( :i* !re 0 incessant *e]fulness4 8,h[ c\ld ,i "p ) him80 he said quietly1 a%am$4 8,give me "s m "t1 my de>6 ,see1 ,i'm fight+ = him1 ,i'm seek+ to w9 8 he>t1 ) love & ) fri5dly pati5ce ,i int5d to capture x4 ,"o day1 ! riv] %all also talk to him1 he also is call$ ^u40 ,vasudeva's smile fl\ri%$ m w>mly4 8,oh yes1 he too is call$ ^u1 he too is ( ! et]nal life4 ,b d we1 y & me1 "k :at he is call$ ^u to d1 :at pa? to take1 :at actions to p]=m1 :at pa9 to endure8 ,n a small "o1 8 pa9 w be2 aft] all1 8 he>t is pr\d & h>d1 p l ?is h to suff] a lot1 err a lot1 d mu* inju/ice1 burd5 !mselves ) mu* s94 ,tell me1 my de>3 y're n tak+ control ( y\r son's upbr++8 ,y don't =ce him8 ,y don't beat him8 ,y don't puni% him80 8,no1 ,vasudeva1 ,i don't d any?+ ( ?is40 8,i knew x4 ,y don't =ce him1 don't beat him1 don't give him ord]s1 because y "k t #8s(t' is /rong] ?an #8h>d'1 wat] /rong] ?an rocks1 love /rong] ?an =ce4 ,v good1 ,i praise y4 ,b ar5't y mi/ak5 9 ?9k+ t y w\ldn't =ce him1 w\ldn't puni% him8 ,don't y %ackle him ) y\r love8 ,don't y make him feel inf]ior e day1 & don't y make x ev5 h>d] on him ) y\r k9dness & pati5ce8 ,don't y =ce him1 ! arrogant & pamp]$ boy1 to live 9 a hut ) two old banana-eat]s1 to :om ev5 rice is a delicacy1 ^: ?\ghts c't be 81 ^: he>ts are old & quiet & beat 9 a diff]5t pace ?an 88 ,isn't he =c$1 isn't he puni%$ by all ?is80 ,tr\bl$1 ,siddh>?a look$ to ! gr\nd4 ,quietly1 he ask$3 8,:at d y ?9k %\ld ,i d80 ,quo? ,vasudeva3 8,br+ him into ! city1 br+ him into 8 "m's h\se1 !re'll /ill be s]vants ar\nd1 give him to !m4 ,& :5 !re ar5't any ar\nd any m1 br+ him to a tea*]1 n = ! tea*+s' sake1 b s t he %all be among o!r boys1 & among girls1 & 9 ! _w :i* is 8 own4 ,h y nev] ?\ght ( ?is80 8,y're see+ into my he>t10 ,siddh>?a spoke sadly4 8,(t51 ,i h ?\ght ( ?is4 ,b look1 h[ %all ,i put him1 :o _h no t5d] he>t anyh[1 into ?is _w8 ,won't he become exub]ant1 won't he lose himself to pleasure & p[]1 won't he repeat all ( 8 fa!r's mi/akes1 won't he p]haps get entirely lo/ 9 ,sans>a80 ,brightly1 ! f]ryman's smile lit up2 s(tly1 he t\*$ ,siddh>?a's arm & said3 8,ask ! riv] ab\t x1 my fri5d6 ,he> x laugh ab\t x6 ,w\ld y actually believe t y _h committ$ y\r fooli% acts 9 ord] to sp>e y\r son f committ+ !m too8 ,& c\ld y 9 any way protect y\r son f ,sans>a8 ,h[ c\ld y8 ,by means ( tea*+s1 pray]1 admonition8 ,my de>1 h y entirely =gott5 t /ory1 t /ory conta9+ s _m lessons1 t /ory ab\t ,siddh>?a1 a ,brahman's son1 :i* y once told me "h on ?is v spot8 ,:o has kept ! ,samana ,siddh>?a safe f ,sans>a1 f s91 f gre$1 f fooli%ness8 ,7 8 fa!r's religi\s devotion1 8 tea*]'s w>n+s1 8 own k1 8 own se>* able to keep him safe8 ,:i* fa!r1 :i* tea*] _h be5 able to protect him f liv+ 8 life = himself1 f soil+ himself ) life1 f burd5+ himself ) guilt1 f dr9k+ ! bitt] dr9k = himself1 f f9d+ 8 pa? = himself8 ,w\ld y ?9k1 my de>1 anybody might p]haps be sp>$ f tak+ ?is pa?8 ,t p]haps y\r little son w\ld be sp>$1 because y love him1 because y w\ld l to keep him f suff]+ & pa9 & disappo9tm5t8 ,b ev5 if y w\ld die t5 times = him1 y w\ld n be able to take ! slighte/ "p ( 8 de/9y ^u y\rself40 ,nev] be=e1 ,vasudeva _h spok5 s _m words4 ,k9dly1 ,siddh>?a ?ank$ him1 w5t tr\bl$ into ! hut1 c\ld n sleep = a long "t4 ,vasudeva _h told him no?+ he _h n already ?\ght & kn[n = himself4 ,b ?is 0 a k he c\ld n act ^u1 /rong] ?an ! k 0 8 love = ! boy1 /rong] 0 8 t5d]ness1 8 fe> to lose him4 ,_h he ev] lo/ 8 he>t s mu* to some?+1 _h he ev] lov$ any p]son ?us1 ?us bl9dly1 ?us suff]+ly1 ?us unsuccessfully1 & yet ?us happily8 ,siddh>?a c\ld n he$ 8 fri5d's advice1 he c\ld n give up ! boy4 ,he let ! boy give him ord]s1 he let him disreg>d him4 ,he said no?+ & wait$2 daily1 he began ! mute /ruggle ( fri5dl9ess1 ! sil5t w> ( pati5ce4 ,vasudeva also said no?+ & wait$1 fri5dly1 kn[+1 pati5t4 ,!y 7 bo? ma/]s ( pati5ce4 ,at "o "t1 :5 ! boy's face rem9d$ him v mu* ( ,kamala1 ,siddh>?a sudd5ly _h to ?9k ( a l9e :i* ,kamala a long "t ago1 9 ! days ( _! y\?1 _h once said to him4 8,y _c love10 %e _h said to him1 & he _h agre$ ) h] & _h comp>$ himself ) a />1 :ile comp>+ ! *ildlike p ) fall+ leaves1 & nev]!less he _h also s5s$ an accusation 9 t l9e4 ,inde$1 he _h nev] be5 able to lose or devote himself completely to ano!r p]son1 to =get himself1 to commit fooli% acts = ! love ( ano!r p]son2 nev] he _h be5 able to d ?is1 & ?is 01 z x _h seem$ to him at t "t1 ! great di/9ction :i* set him ap>t f ! *ildlike p4 ,b n[1 s9ce 8 son 0 "h1 n[ he1 ,siddh>?a1 _h also become completely a *ildlike p]son1 suff]+ = ! sake ( ano!r p]son1 lov+ ano!r p]son1 lo/ to a love1 hav+ become a fool on acc\nt ( love4 ,n[ he too felt1 late1 once 9 8 lifetime1 ?is /ronge/ & /range/ ( all passions1 suff]$ f x1 suff]$ mis]ably1 & 0 nev]!less 9 bliss1 0 nev]!less r5ew$ 9 "o respect1 enri*$ by "o ?+4 ,he did s5se v well t ?is love1 ?is bl9d love = 8 son1 0 a passion1 some?+ v human1 t x 0 ,sans>a1 a murky s\rce1 d>k wat]s4 ,nev]!less1 he felt at ! same "t1 x 0 n wor?less1 x 0 necess>y1 came f ! ess5ce ( 8 own be+4 ,?is pleasure also _h to be aton$ =1 ?is pa9 also _h to be endur$1 ^! fooli% acts also _h to be committ$4 ,?r\gh all ?is1 ! son let him commit 8 fooli% acts1 let him c\rt = 8 affection1 let him humiliate himself e day by giv+ 9 to 8 moods4 ,?is fa!r _h no?+ :i* w\ld h delight$ him & no?+ :i* he w\ld h fe>$4 ,he 0 a good man1 ?is fa!r1 a good1 k9d1 s(t man1 p]haps a v dev\t man1 p]haps a sa9t1 all ^! 7 no attributes :i* c\ld w9 ! boy ov]4 ,he 0 bor$ by ?is fa!r1 :o kept him prison] "h 9 ?is mis]able hut ( 81 he 0 bor$ by him1 & = him to answ] e naught9ess ) a smile1 e insult ) fri5dl9ess1 e vici\sness ) k9dness1 ?is v ?+ 0 ! hat$ trick ( ?is old sneak4 ,mu* m ! boy w\ld h lik$ x if he _h be5 ?reat5$ by him1 if he _h be5 abus$ by him4 ,a day came :5 :at "y ,siddh>?a _h on 8 m9d came bur/+ =?1 & he op5ly turn$ aga9/ 8 fa!r4 ,! latt] _h giv5 him a task1 he _h told him to ga!r bru%wood4 ,b ! boy did n leave ! hut1 9 /ubborn disob$i5ce & rage he /ay$ :]e he 01 ?ump$ on ! gr\nd ) 8 feet1 cl5*$ 8 fi/s1 & scream$ 9 a p[]ful outbur/ 8 hatr$ & contempt into 8 fa!r's face4 8,get ! bru%wood = y\rself60 he %\t$1 foam+ at ! m\?1 8,i'm n y\r s]vant4 ,i d "k t y won't hit me1 y don't d>e2 ,i d "k t y con/antly want to puni% me & put me d[n ) y\r religi\s devotion & y\r indulg5ce4 ,y want me to become l y1 j z dev\t1 j z s(t1 j z wise6 ,b ,i1 li/5 up1 j to make y suff]1 ,i r want to become a highway-robb] & murd]]1 & g to hell1 ?an to become l y6 ,i hate y1 y're n my fa!r1 & if y've t5 times be5 my "m's =nicator60 ,rage & grief boil$ ov] 9 him1 foam$ at ! fa!r 9 a hundr$ savage & evil words4 ,!n ! boy ran away & only return$ late at night4 ,b ! next morn+1 he _h disappe>$4 ,:at _h also disappe>$ 0 a small basket1 wov5 out ( ba/ ( two col\rs1 9 :i* ! f]rym5 kept ^? copp] & silv] co9s :i* !y receiv$ z a f>e4 ,! boat _h also disappe>$1 ,siddh>?a saw x ly+ by ! opposite bank4 ,! boy _h run away4 8,i mu/ foll[ him10 said ,siddh>?a1 :o _h be5 %iv]+ ) grief s9ce ^? rant+ spee*es ! boy _h made ye/]day4 8,a *ild c't g ?r\gh ! =e/ all alone4 ,he'll p]i%4 ,we mu/ build a raft1 ,vasudeva1 to get ov] ! wat]40 8,we w build a raft10 said ,vasudeva1 8to get our boat back1 :i* ! boy has tak5 away4 ,b him1 y %all let run along1 my fri5d1 he is no *ild any m1 he kn[s h[ to get ar\nd4 ,he's look+ = ! pa? to ! city1 & he is "r1 don't =get t4 ,he's do+ :at y've fail$ to d y\rself4 ,he's tak+ c>e ( himself1 he's tak+ 8 c\rse4 ,alas1 ,siddh>?a1 ,i see y suff]+1 b y're suff]+ a pa9 at :i* "o w\ld l to laugh1 at :i* y'll soon laugh = y\rself40 ,siddh>?a did n answ]4 ,he already held ! axe 9 8 h&s & began to make a raft ( bamboo1 & ,vasudeva help$ him to tie ! canes toge!r ) ropes ( grass4 ,!n !y cross$ ov]1 drift$ f> (f _! c\rse1 pull$ ! raft upriv] on ! opposite bank4 8,:y did y take ! axe along80 ask$ ,siddh>?a4 ,vasudeva said3 8,x might h be5 possible t ! o> ( our boat got lo/40 ,b ,siddh>?a knew :at 8 fri5d 0 ?9k+4 ,he ?\ght1 ! boy w\ld h ?r[n away or brok5 ! o> 9 ord] to get ev5 & 9 ord] to keep !m f foll[+ him4 ,& 9 fact1 !re 0 no o> left 9 ! boat4 ,vasudeva po9t$ to ! bottom ( ! boat & look$ at 8 fri5d ) a smile1 z if he want$ to say3 8,don't y see :at y\r son is try+ to tell y8 ,don't y see t he doesn't want to be foll[$80 ,b he did n say ?is 9 words4 ,he />t$ mak+ a new o>4 ,b ,siddh>?a bid 8 f>ewell1 to look = ! run-away4 ,vasudeva did n /op him4 ,:5 ,siddh>?a _h already be5 walk+ ?r\gh ! =e/ = a long "t1 ! ?\ght occurr$ to him t 8 se>* 0 useless4 ,ei!r1 s he ?\ght1 ! boy 0 f> ahead & _h already rea*$ ! city1 or1 if he %\ld /ill be on 8 way1 he w\ld conceal himself f him1 ! pursu]4 ,z he cont9u$ ?9k+1 he also f\nd t he1 on 8 "p1 0 n worri$ = 8 son1 t he knew deep inside t he _h nei!r p]i%$ nor 0 9 any dang] 9 ! =e/4 ,nev]!less1 he ran )\t /opp+1 no long] to save him1 j to satisfy 8 desire1 j to p]haps see him "o m "t4 ,& he ran up to j outside ( ! city4 ,:51 ne> ! city1 he rea*$ a wide road1 he /opp$1 by ! entrance ( ! beautiful pleasure-g>d51 :i* us$ to belong to ,kamala1 :]e he _h se5 h] = ! fir/ "t 9 h] s$an-*air4 ,! pa/ rose up 9 8 s\l1 aga9 he saw himself /&+ !re1 "y1 a be>d$1 nak$ ,samana1 ! hair full ( du/4 ,= a long "t1 ,siddh>?a /ood !re & look$ ?r\gh ! op5 gate into ! g>d51 see+ monks 9 yell[ robes walk+ among ! beautiful trees4 ,= a long "t1 he /ood !re1 pond]+1 see+ images1 li/5+ to ! /ory ( 8 life4 ,= a long "t1 he /ood !re1 look$ at ! monks1 saw "y ,siddh>?a 9 _! place1 saw "y ,kamala walk+ among ! high trees4 ,cle>ly1 he saw himself be+ s]v$ food & dr9k by ,kamala1 receiv+ 8 fir/ kiss f h]1 look+ pr\dly & disda9fully back on 8 ,brahmanism1 beg9n+ pr\dly & full ( desire 8 worldly life4 ,he saw ,kamaswami1 saw ! s]vants1 ! orgies1 ! gambl]s ) ! dice1 ! musicians1 saw ,kamala's song-bird 9 ! cage1 liv$ ?r\gh all ?is once aga91 brea!d ,sans>a1 0 once aga9 old & tir$1 felt once aga9 disgu/1 felt once aga9 ! wi% to annihilate himself1 0 once aga9 heal$ by ! holy ,om4 ,aft] hav+ be5 /&+ by ! gate ( ! g>d5 = a long "t1 ,siddh>?a realis$ t 8 desire 0 fooli%1 :i* _h made him g up to ?is place1 t he c\ld n help 8 son1 t he 0 n all[$ to cl+ to him4 ,deeply1 he felt ! love = ! run-away 9 8 he>t1 l a w\nd1 & he felt at ! same "t t ?is w\nd _h n be5 giv5 to him 9 ord] to turn ! knife 9 x1 t x _h to become a blossom & _h to %9e4 ,t ?is w\nd did n blossom yet1 did n %9e yet1 at ?is h\r1 made him sad4 ,in/ead ( ! desir$ goal1 :i* _h drawn him "h foll[+ ! run-away son1 !re 0 n[ empt9ess4 ,sadly1 he sat d[n1 felt some?+ dy+ 9 8 he>t1 exp]i5c$ empt9ess1 saw no joy any m1 no goal4 ,he sat lo/ 9 ?\ght & wait$4 ,?is he _h le>n$ by ! riv]1 ?is "o ?+3 wait+1 hav+ pati5ce1 li/5+ att5tively4 ,& he sat & li/5$1 9 ! du/ ( ! road1 li/5$ to 8 he>t1 beat+ tir$ly & sadly1 wait$ = a voice4 ,_m an h\r he cr\*$1 li/5+1 saw no images any m1 fell into empt9ess1 let himself fall1 )\t see+ a pa?4 ,& :5 he felt ! w\nd burn+1 he sil5tly spoke ! ,om1 fill$ himself ) ,om4 ,! monks 9 ! g>d5 saw him1 & s9ce he cr\*$ = _m h\rs1 & du/ 0 ga!r+ on 8 gray hair1 "o ( !m came to him & plac$ two bananas 9 front ( him4 ,! old man did n see him4 ,f ?is petrifi$ /ate1 he 0 awok5 by a h& t\*+ 8 %\ld]4 ,in/antly1 he recognis$ ?is t\*1 ?is t5d]1 ba%ful t\*1 & rega9$ 8 s5ses4 ,he rose & greet$ ,vasudeva1 :o _h foll[$ him4 ,& :5 he look$ into ,vasudeva's fri5dly face1 into ! small wr9kles1 :i* 7 z if !y 7 fill$ ) no?+ b 8 smile1 into ! happy eyes1 !n he smil$ too4 ,n[ he saw ! bananas ly+ 9 front ( him1 pick$ !m up1 gave "o to ! f]ryman1 ate ! o!r "o himself4 ,aft] ?is1 he sil5tly w5t back into ! =e/ ) ,vasudeva1 return$ home to ! f]ry4 ,nei!r "o talk$ ab\t :at _h happ5$ today1 nei!r "o m5tion$ ! boy's "n1 nei!r "o spoke ab\t him runn+ away1 nei!r "o spoke ab\t ! w\nd4 ,9 ! hut1 ,siddh>?a lay d[n on 8 b$1 & :5 aft] a :ile ,vasudeva came to him1 to (f] him a b[l ( coconut-milk1 he already f\nd him asleep4 ,,om ,= a long "t1 ! w\nd cont9u$ to burn4 ,_m a travell] ,siddh>?a _h to f]ry across ! riv] :o 0 accompani$ by a son or a daught]1 & he saw none ( !m )\t envy+ him1 )\t ?9k+3 8,s _m1 s _m ?\s&s possess ?is sweete/ ( good =tunes--:y don't ,i8 ,ev5 bad p1 ev5 ?ieves & robb]s h *ildr5 & love !m1 & are be+ lov$ by !m1 all except = me40 ,?us simply1 ?us )\t reason he n[ ?\ght1 ?us simil> to ! *ildlike p he _h become4 ,diff]5tly ?an be=e1 he n[ look$ ^u p1 less sm>t1 less pr\d1 b in/ead w>m]1 m curi\s1 m involv$4 ,:5 he f]ri$ travell]s ( ! ord9>y k9d1 *ildlike p1 bus9essm51 w>riors1 wom51 ^! p did n seem ali5 to him z !y us$ to3 he und]/ood !m1 he und]/ood & %>$ _! life1 :i* 0 n guid$ by ?\ghts & insight1 b solely by urges & wi%es1 he felt l !m4 ,?\gh he 0 ne> p]fection & 0 be>+ 8 f9al w\nd1 x /ill seem$ to him z if ^? *ildlike p 7 8 bro!rs1 _! vanities1 desires = possession1 & ridicul\s aspects 7 no long] ridicul\s to him1 became und]/&able1 became lovable1 ev5 became wor?y ( v5]ation to him4 ,! bl9d love ( a "m = h] *ild1 ! /upid1 bl9d pride ( a conceit$ fa!r = 8 only son1 ! bl9d1 wild desire ( a "y1 va9 woman = jewelry & admir+ glances f m51 all ( ^! urges1 all ( ?is *ildi% /uff1 all ( ^! simple1 fooli%1 b imm5sely /rong1 /rongly liv+1 /rongly prevail+ urges & desires 7 n[ no *ildi% notions = ,siddh>?a any m1 he saw p liv+ = _! sake1 saw !m a*iev+ inf9itely mu* = _! sake1 travell+1 conduct+ w>s1 suff]+ inf9itely mu*1 be>+ inf9itely mu*1 & he c\ld love !m = x1 he saw life1 t :at is alive1 ! inde/ructible1 ! ,brahman 9 ea* ( _! passions1 ea* ( _! acts4 ,wor?y ( love & admiration 7 ^! p 9 _! bl9d loyalty1 _! bl9d /r5g? & t5acity4 ,!y lack$ no?+1 !re 0 no?+ ! kn[l$geable "o1 ! ?9k]1 _h to put him above !m except = "o little ?+1 a s+le1 t9y1 small ?+3 ! consci\sness1 ! consci\s ?\ght ( ! on5ess ( all life4 ,& ,siddh>?a ev5 d\bt$ 9 _m an h\r1 :e!r ?is k1 ?is ?\ght 0 to be valu$ ?us highly1 :e!r x might n also p]haps be a *ildi% idea ( ! ?9k+ p1 ( ! ?9k+ & *ildlike p4 ,9 all o!r respects1 ! worldly p 7 ( equal rank to ! wise m51 7 (t5 f> sup]ior to !m1 j z animals too c1 aft] all1 9 "s mom5ts1 seem to be sup]ior to humans 9 _! t\gh1 unrel5t+ p]=mance ( :at is necess>y4 ,sl[ly blossom$1 sl[ly rip5$ 9 ,siddh>?a ! realisation1 ! k1 :at wisdom actually 01 :at ! goal ( 8 long se>* 04 ,x 0 no?+ b a read9ess ( ! s\l1 an ability1 a secret art1 to ?9k e mom5t1 :ile liv+ 8 life1 ! ?\ght ( on5ess1 to be able to feel & inhale ! on5ess4 ,sl[ly ?is blossom$ 9 him1 0 %9+ back at him f ,vasudeva's old1 *ildlike face3 h>mony1 k ( ! et]nal p]fection ( ! _w1 smil+1 on5ess4 ,b ! w\nd /ill burn$1 long+ly & bitt]ly ,siddh>?a ?\ght ( 8 son1 nurtur$ 8 love & t5d]ness 9 8 he>t1 all[$ ! pa9 to gnaw at him1 committ$ all fooli% acts ( love4 ,n by itself1 ?is flame w\ld g out4 ,& "o day1 :5 ! w\nd burn$ viol5tly1 ,siddh>?a f]ri$ across ! riv]1 driv5 by a ye>n+1 got (f ! boat & 0 will+ to g to ! city & to look = 8 son4 ,! riv] fl[$ s(tly & quietly1 x 0 ! dry season1 b its voice s\nd$ /range3 x laugh$6 ,x laugh$ cle>ly4 ,! riv] laugh$1 x laugh$ brightly & cle>ly at ! old f]ryman4 ,siddh>?a /opp$1 he b5t ov] ! wat]1 9 ord] to he> ev5 bett]1 & he saw 8 face reflect$ 9 ! quietly mov+ wat]s1 & 9 ?is reflect$ face !re 0 some?+1 :i* rem9d$ him1 some?+ he _h =gott51 & z he ?\ght ab\t x1 he f\nd x3 ?is face resembl$ ano!r face1 :i* he us$ to "k & love & also fe>4 ,x resembl$ 8 fa!r's face1 ! ,brahman4 ,& he rememb]$ h[ he1 a long "t ago1 z a "y man1 _h =c$ 8 fa!r to let him g to ! p5it5ts1 h[ he _h bid 8 f>ewell to him1 h[ he _h gone & _h nev] come back4 ,_h 8 fa!r n also suff]$ ! same pa9 = him1 :i* he n[ suff]$ = 8 son8 ,_h 8 fa!r n long s9ce di$1 alone1 )\t hav+ se5 8 son aga98 ,did he n h to expect ! same fate = himself8 ,0 x n a com$y1 a /range & /upid matt]1 ?is repetition1 ?is runn+ ar\nd 9 a fateful circle8 ,! riv] laugh$4 ,yes1 s x 01 ev]y?+ came back1 :i* _h n be5 suff]$ & solv$ up to its end1 ! same pa9 0 suff]$ ov] & ov] aga94 ,b ,siddh>?a w5t back into ! boat & f]ri$ back to ! hut1 ?9k+ ( 8 fa!r1 ?9k+ ( 8 son1 laugh$ at by ! riv]1 at odds ) himself1 t5d+ t[>ds despair1 & n less t5d+ t[>ds laugh+ along at himself & ! entire _w4 ,alas1 ! w\nd 0 n blossom+ yet1 8 he>t 0 /ill fight+ 8 fate1 *e]fulness & victory 7 n yet %9+ f 8 suff]+4 ,nev]!less1 he felt hope1 & once he _h return$ to ! hut1 he felt an undefeatable desire to op5 up to ,vasudeva1 to %[ him ev]y?+1 ! ma/] ( li/5+1 to say ev]y?+4 ,vasudeva 0 sitt+ 9 ! hut & weav+ a basket4 ,he no long] us$ ! f]ry-boat1 8 eyes 7 />t+ to get weak1 & n j 8 eyes2 8 arms & h&s z well4 ,un*ang$ & fl\ri%+ 0 only ! joy & ! *e]ful b5evol5ce ( 8 face4 ,siddh>?a sat d[n next to ! old man1 sl[ly he />t$ talk+4 ,:at !y _h nev] talk$ ab\t1 he n[ told him (1 ( 8 walk to ! city1 at t "t1 ( ! burn+ w\nd1 ( 8 envy at ! sight ( happy fa!rs1 ( 8 k ( ! fooli%ness ( su* wi%es1 ( 8 futile fight aga9/ !m4 ,he report$ ev]y?+1 he 0 able to say ev]y?+1 ev5 ! mo/ emb>rass+ p>ts1 ev]y?+ c\ld be said1 ev]y?+ %[n1 ev]y?+ he c\ld tell4 ,he pres5t$ 8 w\nd1 also told h[ he fl$ today1 h[ he f]ri$ across ! wat]1 a *ildi% run-away1 will+ to walk to ! city1 h[ ! riv] _h laugh$4 ,:ile he spoke1 spoke = a long "t1 :ile ,vasudeva 0 li/5+ ) a quiet face1 ,vasudeva's li/5+ gave ,siddh>?a a /rong] s5sation ?an ev] be=e1 he s5s$ h[ 8 pa91 8 fe>s fl[$ ov] to him1 h[ 8 secret hope fl[$ ov]1 came back at him f 8 c\nt]p>t4 ,to %[ 8 w\nd to ?is li/5] 0 ! same z ba?+ x 9 ! riv]1 until x _h cool$ & become "o ) ! riv]4 ,:ile he 0 /ill speak+1 /ill admitt+ & confess+1 ,siddh>?a felt m & m t ?is 0 no long] ,vasudeva1 no long] a human be+ :o 0 li/5+ to him1 t ?is motionless li/5] 0 absorb+ 8 confession into himself l a tree ! ra91 t ?is motionless man 0 ! riv] itself1 t he 0 ,god himself1 t he 0 ! et]nal itself4 ,& :ile ,siddh>?a /opp$ ?9k+ ( himself & 8 w\nd1 ?is realisation ( ,vasudeva's *ang$ "* took possession ( him1 & ! m he felt x & ent]$ into x1 ! less wondr\s x became1 ! m he realis$ t ev]y?+ 0 9 ord] & natural1 t ,vasudeva _h already be5 l ?is = a long "t1 almo/ =ev]1 t only he _h n q recognis$ x1 yes1 t he himself _h almo/ rea*$ ! same /ate4 ,he felt1 t he 0 n[ see+ old ,vasudeva z ! p see ! gods1 & t ?is c\ld n la/2 9 8 he>t1 he />t$ bidd+ 8 f>ewell to ,vasudeva4 ,?r\gh\t all ?is1 he talk$ incessantly4 ,:5 he _h f9i%$ talk+1 ,vasudeva turn$ 8 fri5dly eyes1 :i* _h gr[n slightly weak1 at him1 said no?+1 let 8 sil5t love & *e]fulness1 und]/&+ & k1 %9e at him4 ,he took ,siddh>?a's h&1 l$ him to ! seat by ! bank1 sat d[n ) him1 smil$ at ! riv]4 8,y've he>d x laugh10 he said4 8,b y hav5't he>d ev]y?+4 ,let's li/51 y'll he> m40 ,!y li/5$4 ,s(tly s\nd$ ! riv]1 s++ 9 _m voices4 ,siddh>?a look$ into ! wat]1 & images appe>$ to him 9 ! mov+ wat]3 8 fa!r appe>$1 lonely1 m\rn+ = 8 son2 he himself appe>$1 lonely1 he also be+ ti$ ) ! bondage ( ye>n+ to 8 di/ant son2 8 son appe>$1 lonely z well1 ! boy1 gre$ily ru%+ along ! burn+ c\rse ( 8 "y wi%es1 ea* "o head+ = 8 goal1 ea* "o obsess$ by ! goal1 ea* "o suff]+4 ,! riv] sang ) a voice ( suff]+1 long+ly x sang1 long+ly1 x fl[$ t[>ds its goal1 lam5t+ly its voice sang4 8,d y he>80 ,vasudeva's mute gaze ask$4 ,siddh>?a nodd$4 8,li/5 bett]60 ,vasudeva :isp]$4 ,siddh>?a made an ef=t to li/5 bett]4 ,! image ( 8 fa!r1 8 own image1 ! image ( 8 son m]g$1 ,kamala's image also appe>$ & 0 disp]s$1 & ! image ( ,gov9da1 & o!r images1 & !y m]g$ ) ea* o!r1 turn$ all into ! riv]1 head$ all1 be+ ! riv]1 = ! goal1 long+1 desir+1 suff]+1 & ! riv]'s voice s\nd$ full ( ye>n+1 full ( burn+ woe1 full ( unsatisfiable desire4 ,= ! goal1 ! riv] 0 head+1 ,siddh>?a saw x hurry+1 ! riv]1 :i* consi/$ ( him & 8 lov$ ones & ( all p he _h ev] se51 all ( ^! waves & wat]s 7 hurry+1 suff]+1 t[>ds goals1 _m goals1 ! wat]fall1 ! lake1 ! rapids1 ! sea1 & all goals 7 rea*$1 & e goal 0 foll[$ by a new "o1 & ! wat] turn$ into vap\r & rose to ! sky1 turn$ into ra9 & p\r$ d[n f ! sky1 turn$ into a s\rce1 a /ream1 a riv]1 head$ =w>d once aga91 fl[$ on once aga94 ,b ! long+ voice _h *ang$4 ,x /ill res\nd$1 full ( suff]+1 se>*+1 b o!r voices jo9$ x1 voices ( joy & ( suff]+1 good & bad voices1 laugh+ & sad ones1 a hundr$ voices1 a ?\s& voices4 ,siddh>?a li/5$4 ,he 0 n[ no?+ b a li/5]1 completely conc5trat$ on li/5+1 completely empty1 he felt1 t he _h n[ f9i%$ le>n+ to li/54 ,(t5 be=e1 he _h he>d all ?is1 ^! _m voices 9 ! riv]1 today x s\nd$ new4 ,already1 he c\ld no long] tell ! _m voices ap>t1 n ! happy ones f ! weep+ ones1 n ! ones ( *ildr5 f ^? ( m51 !y all belong$ toge!r1 ! lam5tation ( ye>n+ & ! laught] ( ! kn[l$geable "o1 ! scream ( rage & ! moan+ ( ! dy+ ones1 ev]y?+ 0 "o1 ev]y?+ 0 int]tw9$ & connect$1 entangl$ a ?\s& times4 ,& ev]y?+ toge!r1 all voices1 all goals1 all ye>n+1 all suff]+1 all pleasure1 all t 0 good & evil1 all ( ?is toge!r 0 ! _w4 ,all ( x toge!r 0 ! fl[ ( ev5ts1 0 ! music ( life4 ,& :5 ,siddh>?a 0 li/5+ att5tively to ?is riv]1 ?is song ( a ?\s& voices1 :5 he nei!r li/5$ to ! suff]+ nor ! laught]1 :5 he did n tie 8 s\l to any p>ticul> voice & subm]g$ 8 self into x1 b :5 he he>d !m all1 p]ceiv$ ! :ole1 ! on5ess1 !n ! great song ( ! ?\s& voices consi/$ ( a s+le ^w1 :i* 0 ,om3 ! p]fection4 8,d y he>10 ,vasudeva's gaze ask$ aga94 ,brightly1 ,vasudeva's smile 0 %9+1 float+ radiantly ov] all ! wr9kles ( 8 old face1 z ! ,om 0 float+ 9 ! air ov] all ! voices ( ! riv]4 ,brightly 8 smile 0 %9+1 :5 he look$ at 8 fri5d1 & brightly ! same smile 0 n[ />t+ to %9e on ,siddh>?a's face z well4 ,8 w\nd blossom$1 8 suff]+ 0 %9+1 8 self _h fl[n into ! on5ess4 ,9 ?is h\r1 ,siddh>?a /opp$ fight+ 8 fate1 /opp$ suff]+4 ,on 8 face fl\ri%$ ! *e]fulness ( a k1 :i* is no long] oppos$ by any w1 :i* kn[s p]fection1 :i* is 9 agreem5t ) ! fl[ ( ev5ts1 ) ! curr5t ( life1 full ( sympa?y = ! pa9 ( o!rs1 full ( sympa?y = ! pleasure ( o!rs1 devot$ to ! fl[1 belong+ to ! on5ess4 ,:5 ,vasudeva rose f ! seat by ! bank1 :5 he look$ into ,siddh>?a's eyes & saw ! *e]fulness ( ! k %9+ 9 !m1 he s(tly t\*$ 8 %\ld] ) 8 h&1 9 ?is c>eful & t5d] mann]1 & said3 8,i've be5 wait+ = ?is h\r1 my de>4 ,n[ t x has come1 let me leave4 ,= a long "t1 ,i've be5 wait+ = ?is h\r2 = a long "t1 ,i've be5 ,vasudeva ! f]ryman4 ,n[ x's en\gh4 ,f>ewell1 b1 f>ewell1 riv]1 f>ewell1 ,siddh>?a60 ,siddh>?a made a deep b[ be=e him :o bid 8 f>ewell4 8,i've kn[n x10 he said quietly4 8,y'll g into ! =e/s80 8,i'm go+ into ! =e/s1 ,i'm go+ into ! on5ess10 spoke ,vasudeva ) a bright smile4 ,) a bright smile1 he left2 ,siddh>?a wat*$ him leav+4 ,) deep joy1 ) deep solemnity he wat*$ him leave1 saw 8 /eps full ( peace1 saw 8 head full ( lu/re1 saw 8 body full ( light4 ,,gov9da ,toge!r ) o!r monks1 ,gov9da us$ to sp5d ! "t ( re/ betwe5 pilgrimages 9 ! pleasure-grove1 :i* ! c\rtesan ,kamala _h giv5 to ! foll[]s ( ,gotama = a gift4 ,he he>d talk ( an old f]ryman1 :o liv$ "o day's j\rney away by ! riv]1 & :o 0 reg>d$ z a wise man by _m4 ,:5 ,gov9da w5t back on 8 way1 he *ose ! pa? to ! f]ry1 eag] to see ! f]ryman4 ,because1 ?\gh he _h liv$ 8 entire life by ! rules1 ?\gh he 0 also look$ ^u ) v5]ation by ! y\ng] monks on acc\nt ( 8 age & 8 mode/y1 ! re/lessness & ! se>*+ /ill _h n p]i%$ f 8 he>t4 ,he came to ! riv] & ask$ ! old man to f]ry him ov]1 & :5 !y got (f ! boat on ! o!r side1 he said to ! old man3 8,y're v good to u monks & pilgrims1 y h already f]ri$ _m ( u across ! riv]4 ,ar5't y too1 f]ryman1 a se>*] = ! "r pa?80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a1 smil+ f 8 old eyes3 8,d y call y\rself a se>*]1 oh v5]able "o1 ?\gh y are already well on 9 ye>s & are we>+ ! robe ( ,gotama's monks80 8,x's true1 ,i'm old10 spoke ,gov9da1 8b ,i hav5't /opp$ se>*+4 ,nev] ,i'll /op se>*+1 ?is seems to be my de/9y4 ,y too1 s x seems to me1 h be5 se>*+4 ,w\ld y l to tell me some?+1 oh hon\rable "o80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,:at %\ld ,i possibly h to tell y1 oh v5]able "o8 ,p]haps t y're se>*+ f> too mu*8 ,t 9 all t se>*+1 y don't f9d ! "t = f9d+80 8,h[ come80 ask$ ,gov9da4 8,:5 someone is se>*+10 said ,siddh>?a1 8!n x might easily happ5 t ! only ?+ 8 eyes /ill see is t :at he se>*es =1 t he is unable to f9d any?+1 to let any?+ ent] 8 m9d1 because he always ?9ks ( no?+ b ! object ( 8 se>*1 because he has a goal1 because he is obsess$ by ! goal4 ,se>*+ means3 hav+ a goal4 ,b f9d+ means3 be+ free1 be+ op51 hav+ no goal4 ,y1 oh v5]able "o1 are p]haps inde$ a se>*]1 because1 /riv+ = y\r goal1 !re are _m ?+s y don't see1 :i* are directly 9 front ( y\r eyes40 8,i don't q und]/& yet10 ask$ ,gov9da1 8:at d y mean by ?is80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,a long "t ago1 oh v5]able "o1 _m ye>s ago1 y've once be=e be5 at ?is riv] & h f\nd a sleep+ man by ! riv]1 & h sat d[n ) him to gu>d 8 sleep4 ,b1 oh ,gov9da1 y did n recognise ! sleep+ man40 ,a/oni%$1 z if he _h be5 ! object ( a magic spell1 ! monk look$ into ! f]ryman's eyes4 8,are y ,siddh>?a80 he ask$ ) a timid voice4 8,i w\ldn't h recognis$ y ?is "t z well6 ,f my he>t1 ,i'm greet+ y1 ,siddh>?a2 f my he>t1 ,i'm happy to see y once aga96 ,y've *ang$ a lot1 my fri5d4--,& s y've n[ become a f]ryman80 ,9 a fri5dly mann]1 ,siddh>?a laugh$4 8,a f]ryman1 yes4 ,_m p1 ,gov9da1 h to *ange a lot1 h to we> _m a robe1 ,i am "o ( ^?1 my de>4 ,be welcome1 ,gov9da1 & sp5d ! night 9 my hut40 ,gov9da /ay$ ! night 9 ! hut & slept on ! b$ :i* us$ to be ,vasudeva's b$4 ,_m que/ions he pos$ to ! fri5d ( 8 y\?1 _m ?+s ,siddh>?a _h to tell him f 8 life4 ,:5 9 ! next morn+ ! "t _h come to />t ! day's j\rney1 ,gov9da said1 n )\t hesitation1 ^! words3 8,be=e ,i'll cont9ue on my pa?1 ,siddh>?a1 p]mit me to ask "o m "q4 ,d y h a tea*+8 ,d y h a fai? or a k y foll[1 :i* helps y to live & to d "r80 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,y "k1 my de>1 t ,i already z a "y man1 9 ^? days :5 we liv$ ) ! p5it5ts 9 ! =e/1 />t$ to di/ru/ tea*]s & tea*+s & to turn my back to !m4 ,i h /uck ) ?is4 ,nev]!less1 ,i h _h _m tea*]s s9ce !n4 ,a beautiful c\rtesan has be5 my tea*] = a long "t1 & a ri* m]*ant 0 my tea*]1 & "s gambl]s ) dice4 ,once1 ev5 a foll[] ( ,buddha1 travell+ on foot1 has be5 my tea*]2 he sat ) me :5 ,i _h fall5 asleep 9 ! =e/1 on ! pilgrimage4 ,i've also le>n$ f him1 ,i'm also grateful to him1 v grateful4 ,b mo/ ( all1 ,i h le>n$ "h f ?is riv] & f my pr$ecessor1 ! f]ryman ,vasudeva4 ,he 0 a v simple p]son1 ,vasudeva1 he 0 no ?9k]1 b he knew :at is necess>y j z well z ,gotama1 he 0 a p]fect man1 a sa9t40 ,gov9da said3 8,/ill1 oh ,siddh>?a1 y love a bit to mock p1 z x seems to me4 ,i believe 9 y & "k t y hav5't foll[$ a tea*]4 ,b hav5't y f\nd some?+ by y\rself1 ?\gh y've f\nd no tea*+s1 y /ill f\nd c]ta9 ?\ghts1 c]ta9 insights1 :i* are y\r own & :i* help y to live8 ,if y w\ld l to tell me "s ( ^!1 y w\ld delight my he>t40 ,quo? ,siddh>?a3 8,i've _h ?\ghts1 yes1 & insight1 aga9 & aga94 ,sometimes1 = an h\r or = an entire day1 ,i h felt k 9 me1 z "o w\ld feel life 9 "o's he>t4 ,!re h be5 _m ?\ghts1 b x w\ld be h>d = me to convey !m to y4 ,look1 my de> ,gov9da1 ?is is "o ( my ?\ghts1 :i* ,i h f\nd3 wisdom _c be pass$ on4 ,wisdom :i* a wise man tries to pass on to someone always s\nds l fooli%ness40 8,are y kidd+80 ask$ ,gov9da4 8,i'm n kidd+4 ,i'm tell+ y :at ,i've f\nd4 ,k c be convey$1 b n wisdom4 ,x c be f\nd1 x c be liv$1 x is possible to be c>ri$ by x1 miracles c be p]=m$ ) x1 b x _c be express$ 9 words & taught4 ,?is 0 :at ,i1 ev5 z a "y man1 sometimes suspect$1 :at has driv5 me away f ! tea*]s4 ,i h f\nd a ?\ght1 ,gov9da1 :i* y'll aga9 reg>d z a joke or fooli%ness1 b :i* is my be/ ?\ght4 ,x says3 ,! opposite ( e tru? is j z true6 ,t's l ?is3 any tru? c only be express$ & put into words :5 x is "o-sid$4 ,ev]y?+ is "o-sid$ :i* c be ?\ght ) ?\ghts & said ) words1 x's all "o-sid$1 all j "o half1 all lacks complet5ess1 r\ndness1 on5ess4 ,:5 ! exalt$ ,gotama spoke 9 8 tea*+s ( ! _w1 he _h to divide x into ,sans>a & ,nirvana1 into deception & tru?1 into suff]+ & salvation4 ,x _c be done diff]5tly1 !re is no o!r way = him :o wants to tea*4 ,b ! _w itself1 :at exi/s ar\nd u & inside ( u1 is nev] "o-sid$4 ,a p]son or an act is nev] entirely ,sans>a or entirely ,nirvana1 a p]son is nev] entirely holy or entirely s9ful4 ,x does really seem l ?is1 because we are subject to deception1 z if "t 0 some?+ real4 ,"t is n real1 ,gov9da1 ,i h exp]i5c$ ?is (t5 & (t5 aga94 ,& if "t is n real1 !n ! gap :i* seems to be betwe5 ! _w & ! et]nity1 betwe5 suff]+ & blissfulness1 betwe5 evil & good1 is also a deception40 8,h[ come80 ask$ ,gov9da timidly4 8,li/5 well1 my de>1 li/5 well6 ,! s9n]1 :i* ,i am & :i* y are1 is a s9n]1 b 9 times to come he w be ,brahma aga91 he w rea* ! ,nirvana1 w be ,buddha--& n[ see3 ^! #8times to come' are a deception1 are only a p>able6 ,! s9n] is n on 8 way to become a ,buddha1 he is n 9 ! process ( develop+1 ?\gh our capacity = ?9k+ does n "k h[ else to picture ^! ?+s4 ,no1 )9 ! s9n] is n[ & today already ! future ,buddha1 8 future is already all !re1 y h to wor%ip 9 him1 9 y1 9 ev]yone ! ,buddha :i* is com+ into be+1 ! possible1 ! hidd5 ,buddha4 ,! _w1 my fri5d ,gov9da1 is n imp]fect1 or on a sl[ pa? t[>ds p]fection3 no1 x is p]fect 9 e mom5t1 all s9 already c>ries ! div9e =giv5ess 9 itself1 all small *ildr5 already h ! old p]son 9 !mselves1 all infants already h dea?1 all dy+ p ! et]nal life4 ,x is n possible = any p]son to see h[ f> ano!r "o has already progress$ on 8 pa?2 9 ! robb] & dice-gambl]1 ! ,buddha is wait+2 9 ! ,brahman1 ! robb] is wait+4 ,9 deep m$itation1 !re is ! possibility to put "t out ( exi/5ce1 to see all life :i* 01 is1 & w be z if x 0 simultane\s1 & !re ev]y?+ is good1 ev]y?+ is p]fect1 ev]y?+ is ,brahman4 ,!re=e1 ,i see :atev] exi/s z good1 dea? is to me l life1 s9 l hol9ess1 wisdom l fooli%ness1 ev]y?+ has to be z x is1 ev]y?+ only requires my cons5t1 only my will+ness1 my lov+ agreem5t1 to be good = me1 to d no?+ b "w = my b5efit1 to be unable to ev] h>m me4 ,i h exp]i5c$ on my body & on my s\l t ,i ne$$ s9 v mu*1 ,i ne$$ lu/1 ! desire = possessions1 vanity1 & ne$$ ! mo/ %ameful despair1 9 ord] to le>n h[ to give up all resi/ance1 9 ord] to le>n h[ to love ! _w1 9 ord] to /op comp>+ x to "s _w ,i wi%$1 ,i imag9$1 "s k9d ( p]fection ,i _h made up1 b to leave x z x is & to love x & to enjoy be+ a "p ( x4--,^!1 oh ,gov9da1 are "s ( ! ?\ghts :i* h come into my m9d40 ,siddh>?a b5t d[n1 pick$ up a /one f ! gr\nd1 & weigh$ x 9 8 h&4 8,?is "h10 he said play+ ) x1 8is a /one1 & w1 aft] a c]ta9 "t1 p]haps turn into soil1 & w turn f soil into a plant or animal or human be+4 ,9 ! pa/1 ,i w\ld h said3 ,?is /one is j a /one1 x is wor?less1 x belongs to ! _w ( ! ,maya2 b because x might be able to become also a human be+ & a _s 9 ! cycle ( trans=mations1 !re=e ,i also grant x importance4 ,?us1 ,i w\ld p]haps h ?\ght 9 ! pa/4 ,b today ,i ?9k3 ?is /one is a /one1 x is also animal1 x is also god1 x is also ,buddha1 ,i d n v5]ate & love x because x c\ld turn into ?is or t1 b r because x is already & always ev]y?+--& x is ?is v fact1 t x is a /one1 t x appe>s to me n[ & today z a /one1 ?is is :y ,i love x & see wor? & purpose 9 ea* ( its ve9s & cavities1 9 ! yell[1 9 ! gray1 9 ! h>dness1 9 ! s\nd x makes :5 ,i knock at x1 9 ! dryness or wetness ( its surface4 ,!re are /ones :i* feel l oil or soap1 & o!rs l leaves1 o!rs l s&1 & e "o is special & prays ! ,om 9 its own way1 ea* "o is ,brahman1 b simultane\sly & j z mu* x is a /one1 is oily or juicy1 & ?is is ! v fact :i* ,i l & reg>d z wond]ful & wor?y ( wor%ip4--,b let me speak no m ( ?is4 ,! words are n good = ! secret mean+1 ev]y?+ always becomes a bit diff]5t1 z soon z x is put into words1 gets di/ort$ a bit1 a bit silly--yes1 & ?is is also v good1 & ,i l x a lot1 ,i also v mu* agree ) ?is1 t ?is :at is "o man's treasure & wisdom always s\nds l fooli%ness to ano!r p]son40 ,gov9da li/5$ sil5tly4 8,:y h y told me ?is ab\t ! /one80 he ask$ hesitantly aft] a pause4 8,i did x )\t any specific int5tion4 ,or p]haps :at ,i meant 01 t ,i love ?is v /one1 & ! riv]1 & all ^! ?+s we are look+ at & f :i* we c le>n4 ,i c love a /one1 ,gov9da1 & also a tree or a piece ( b>k4 ,^! are ?+s1 & ?+s c be lov$4 ,b ,i _c love words4 ,!re=e1 tea*+s are no good = me1 !y h no h>dness1 no s(tness1 no col\rs1 no edges1 no smell1 no ta/e1 !y h no?+ b words4 ,p]haps x is ^! :i* keep y f f9d+ peace1 p]haps x is ! _m words4 ,because salvation & virtue z well1 ,sans>a & ,nirvana z well1 are m]e words1 ,gov9da4 ,!re is no ?+ :i* w\ld be ,nirvana2 !re is j ! ^w ,nirvana40 ,quo? ,gov9da3 8,n j a ^w1 my fri5d1 is ,nirvana4 ,x is a ?\ght40 ,siddh>?a cont9u$3 8,a ?\ght1 x might be s4 ,i mu/ confess to y1 my de>3 ,i don't diff]5tiate mu* betwe5 ?\ghts & words4 ,to be hone/1 ,i also h no high op9ion ( ?\ghts4 ,i h a bett] op9ion ( ?+s4 ,"h on ?is f]ry-boat1 = in/ance1 a man has be5 my pr$ecessor & tea*]1 a holy man1 :o has = _m ye>s simply believ$ 9 ! riv]1 no?+ else4 ,he _h notic$ t ! riv] spoke to him1 he le>n$ f x1 x educat$ & taught him1 ! riv] seem$ to be a god to him1 = _m ye>s he did n "k t e w9d1 e cl\d1 e bird1 e beetle 0 j z div9e & kn[s j z mu* & c tea* j z mu* z ! wor%ipp$ riv]4 ,b :5 ?is holy man w5t into ! =e/s1 he knew ev]y?+1 knew m ?an y & me1 )\t tea*]s1 )\t books1 only because he _h believ$ 9 ! riv]40 ,gov9da said3 8,b is t :at y call #8?+s'1 actually some?+ real1 some?+ :i* has exi/5ce8 ,isn't x j a deception ( ! ,maya1 j an image & illusion8 ,y\r /one1 y\r tree1 y\r riv]--are !y actually a reality80 8,?is too10 spoke ,siddh>?a1 8,i d n c>e v mu* ab\t4 ,let ! ?+s be illusions or n1 aft] all ,i w\ld !n also be an illusion1 & ?us !y are always l me4 ,?is is :at makes !m s de> & wor?y ( v5]ation = me3 !y are l me4 ,!re=e1 ,i c love !m4 ,& ?is is n[ a tea*+ y w laugh ab\t3 love1 oh ,gov9da1 seems to me to be ! mo/ important ?+ ( all4 ,to ?or\ghly und]/& ! _w1 to expla9 x1 to despise x1 may be ! ?+ great ?9k]s d4 ,b ,i'm only int]e/$ 9 be+ able to love ! _w1 n to despise x1 n to hate x & me1 to be able to look ^u x & me & all be+s ) love & admiration & great respect40 8,?is ,i und]/&10 spoke ,gov9da4 8,b ?is v ?+ 0 discov]$ by ! exalt$ "o to be a deception4 ,he comm&s b5evol5ce1 clem5cy1 sympa?y1 tol]ance1 b n love2 he =bade u to tie our he>t 9 love to e>?ly ?+s40 8,i "k x10 said ,siddh>?a2 8 smile %one gold54 8,i "k x1 ,gov9da4 ,& behold1 ) ?is we are "r 9 ! middle ( ! ?icket ( op9ions1 9 ! dispute ab\t words4 ,= ,i _c d5y1 my words ( love are 9 a contradiction1 a seem+ contradiction ) ,gotama's words4 ,= ?is v reason1 ,i di/ru/ 9 words s mu*1 = ,i "k1 ?is contradiction is a deception4 ,i "k t ,i am 9 agreem5t ) ,gotama4 ,h[ %\ld he n "k love1 he1 :o has discov]$ all elem5ts ( human exi/5ce 9 _! transitor9ess1 9 _! mean+lessness1 & yet lov$ p ?us mu*1 to use a long1 labori\s life only to help !m1 to tea* !m6 ,ev5 ) him1 ev5 ) y\r great tea*]1 ,i pref] ! ?+ ov] ! words1 place m importance on 8 acts & life ?an on 8 spee*es1 m on ! ge/ures ( 8 h& ?an 8 op9ions4 ,n 9 8 spee*1 n 9 8 ?\ghts1 ,i see 8 greatness1 only 9 8 actions1 9 8 life40 ,= a long "t1 ! two old m5 said no?+4 ,!n spoke ,gov9da1 :ile b[+ = a f>ewell3 8,i ?ank y1 ,siddh>?a1 = tell+ me "s ( y\r ?\ghts4 ,!y are p>tially /range ?\ghts1 n all h be5 in/antly und]/&able to me4 ,?is be+ z x may1 ,i ?ank y1 & ,i wi% y to h calm days40 7,b secretly he ?\ght to himself3 ,?is ,siddh>?a is a biz>re p]son1 he expresses biz>re ?\ghts1 8 tea*+s s\nd fooli%4 ,s diff]5tly s\nd ! exalt$ "o's pure tea*+s1 cle>]1 pur]1 m compreh5sible1 no?+ /range1 fooli%1 or silly is conta9$ 9 !m4 ,b diff]5t f 8 ?\ghts seem$ to me ,siddh>?a's h&s & feet1 8 eyes1 8 =ehead1 8 brea?1 8 smile1 8 greet+1 8 walk4 ,nev] aga91 aft] our exalt$ ,gotama has become "o ) ! ,nirvana1 nev] s9ce !n h ,i met a p]son ( :om ,i felt3 ?is is a holy man6 ,only him1 ?is ,siddh>?a1 ,i h f\nd to be l ?is4 ,may 8 tea*+s be /range1 may 8 words s\nd fooli%2 out ( 8 gaze & 8 h&1 8 sk9 & 8 hair1 out ( e "p ( him %9es a purity1 %9es a calmness1 %9es a *e]fulness & mildness & hol9ess1 :i* ,i h se5 9 no o!r p]son s9ce ! f9al dea? ( our exalt$ tea*]47 ,z ,gov9da ?\ght l ?is1 & !re 0 a conflict 9 8 he>t1 he once aga9 b[$ to ,siddh>?a1 drawn by love4 ,deeply he b[$ to him :o 0 calmly sitt+4 8,siddh>?a10 he spoke1 8we h become old m54 ,x is unlikely = "o ( u to see ! o!r aga9 9 ?is inc>nation4 ,i see1 belov$1 t y h f\nd peace4 ,i confess t ,i hav5't f\nd x4 ,tell me1 oh hon\rable "o1 "o m ^w1 give me some?+ on my way :i* ,i c grasp1 :i* ,i c und]/&6 ,give me some?+ to be ) me on my pa?4 ,x is (t5 h>d1 my pa?1 (t5 d>k1 ,siddh>?a40 ,siddh>?a said no?+ & look$ at him ) ! ev] un*ang$1 quiet smile4 ,gov9da />$ at 8 face1 ) fe>1 ) ye>n+1 suff]+1 & ! et]nal se>* 0 visible 9 8 look1 et]nal n-f9d+4 ,siddh>?a saw x & smil$4 8,b5d d[n to me60 he :isp]$ quietly 9 ,gov9da's e>4 8,b5d d[n to me6 ,l ?is1 ev5 clos]6 ,v close6 ,kiss my =ehead1 ,gov9da60 ,b :ile ,gov9da ) a/oni%m5t1 & yet drawn by great love & expectation1 obey$ 8 words1 b5t d[n closely to him & t\*$ 8 =ehead ) 8 lips1 some?+ miracul\s happ5$ to him4 ,:ile 8 ?\ghts 7 /ill dwell+ on ,siddh>?a's wondr\s words1 :ile he 0 /ill /ruggl+ 9 va9 & ) reluctance to ?9k away "t1 to imag9e ,nirvana & ,sans>a z "o1 :ile ev5 a c]ta9 contempt = ! words ( 8 fri5d 0 fight+ 9 him aga9/ an imm5se love & v5]ation1 ?is happ5$ to him3 ,he no long] saw ! face ( 8 fri5d ,siddh>?a1 in/ead he saw o!r faces1 _m1 a long sequ5ce1 a fl[+ riv] ( faces1 ( hundr$s1 ( ?\s&s1 :i* all came & disappe>$1 & yet all seem$ to be !re simultane\sly1 :i* all con/antly *ang$ & r5ew$ !mselves1 & :i* 7 /ill all ,siddh>?a4 ,he saw ! face ( a fi%1 a c>p1 ) an inf9itely pa9fully op5$ m\?1 ! face ( a dy+ fi%1 ) fad+ eyes--he saw ! face ( a new-born *ild1 r$ & full ( wr9kles1 di/ort$ f cry+--he saw ! face ( a murd]]1 he saw him plung+ a knife into ! body ( ano!r p]son--he saw1 9 ! same second1 ?is crim9al 9 bondage1 kneel+ & 8 head be+ *opp$ (f by ! execution] ) "o bl[ ( 8 sword--he saw ! bodies ( m5 & wom51 nak$ 9 positions & cramps ( fr5zi$ love--he saw corpses /ret*$ out1 motionless1 cold1 void--he saw ! heads ( animals1 ( bo>s1 ( crocodiles1 ( elephants1 ( bulls1 ( birds--he saw gods1 saw ,kri%na1 saw ,agni--he saw all ( ^! figures & faces 9 a ?\s& relation%ips ) "o ano!r1 ea* "o help+ ! o!r1 lov+ x1 hat+ x1 de/roy+ x1 giv+ re-bir? to x1 ea* "o 0 a w to die1 a passionately pa9ful confession ( transitor9ess1 & yet none ( !m di$1 ea* "o only trans=m$1 0 always reborn1 receiv$ ev]more a new face1 )\t any "t hav+ pass$ betwe5 ! "o & ! o!r face--& all ( ^! figures & faces re/$1 fl[$1 g5]at$ !mselves1 float$ along & m]g$ ) ea* o!r1 & !y 7 all con/antly cov]$ by some?+ ?91 )\t individuality ( its own1 b yet exi/+1 l a ?9 glass or ice1 l a transp>5t sk91 a %ell or mold or mask ( wat]1 & ?is mask 0 smil+1 & ?is mask 0 ,siddh>?a's smil+ face1 :i* he1 ,gov9da1 9 ?is v same mom5t t\*$ ) 8 lips4 ,&1 ,gov9da saw x l ?is1 ?is smile ( ! mask1 ?is smile ( on5ess above ! fl[+ =ms1 ?is smile ( simultane\sness above ! ?\s& bir?s & dea?s1 ?is smile ( ,siddh>?a 0 precisely ! same1 0 precisely ( ! same k9d z ! quiet1 delicate1 imp5etrable1 p]haps b5evol5t1 p]haps mock+1 wise1 ?\s&-fold smile ( ,gotama1 ! ,buddha1 z he _h se5 x himself ) great respect a hundr$ times4 ,l ?is1 ,gov9da knew1 ! p]fect$ ones are smil+4 ,n kn[+ any m :e!r "t exi/$1 :e!r ! vision _h la/$ a second or a hundr$ ye>s1 n kn[+ any m :e!r !re exi/$ a ,siddh>?a1 a ,gotama1 a me & a y1 feel+ 9 8 inn]mo/ self z if he _h be5 w\nd$ by a div9e arr[1 ! injury ( :i* ta/$ sweet1 be+ en*ant$ & dissolv$ 9 8 inn]mo/ self1 ,gov9da /ill /ood = a little :ile b5t ov] ,siddh>?a's quiet face1 :i* he _h j kiss$1 :i* _h j be5 ! sc5e ( all manife/ations1 all trans=mations1 all exi/5ce4 ,! face 0 un*ang$1 aft] "u its surface ! dep? ( ! ?\s&-foldness _h clos$ up aga91 he smil$ sil5tly1 smil$ quietly & s(tly1 p]haps v b5evol5tly1 p]haps v mock+ly1 precisely z he us$ to smile1 ! exalt$ "o4 ,deeply1 ,gov9da b[$2 te>s he knew no?+ (1 ran d[n 8 old face2 l a fire burn$ ! feel+ ( ! mo/ intimate love1 ! humble/ v5]ation 9 8 he>t4 ,deeply1 he b[$1 t\*+ ! gr\nd1 be=e him :o 0 sitt+ motionlessly1 ^: smile rem9d$ him ( ev]y?+ he _h ev] lov$ 9 8 life1 :at _h ev] be5 valuable & holy to him 9 8 life4