file which includes the original illustrations4 ,see #bdaga-;h4htm or #bdaga-;h4zip3 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/dirs_/#b_/ d_/a_/g_/bdaga_/bdaga-;h_/#bdaga-;h4htm7 or 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/dirs_/#b_/ d_/a_/g_/bdaga_/bdaga-;h4zip7 ,transcriber's ,notes3 ,text that is handwritten in the original is surrounded by tildes 774 ,the second signature on the ,witnesses page is too faint in the original to be readable4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,day4 ,the ,service--,the ,marriage ,certificate--,words of ,counsel4 ,edited by ,,john ,f4 ,,hurst1 ,d4,d41 ,,ll4,d4 ,buffalo3 ,h4 ,h4 ,otis4 #ahhi4 ,copyright1 #ahhh1 by ,h4 ,h4 ,,otis ,buffalo1 ,n4 ,y4 ,,contents ,page ,,form ,,for ,,the ,,solemnization ,,of ,,matrimony1 #e ,,certificate1 #ac ,,witnesses1 #ad ,,the ,,new ,,home1 #ae ,,the ,,home ,,altar1 #ba ,,the ,,home ,,beautiful1 #bh ,,good ,,reading ,,at ,,home1 #cb ,,forbearance1 #cg ,,the ,,yesterdays ,,of ,,home1 #dd ,,form ,,for ,,the ,,solemnization ,,of ,,matrimony4 ,,the ,,parts ,,in ,,brackets ,,throughout ,,may ,,be ,,used ,,or ,,not1 ,,at ,,discretion4 ,at the day and time appointed for the ,solemnization of ,matrimony1 the persons to be married--having been qualified according to law--standing together1 the ,man on the right hand and the ,woman on the left1 the ,minister shall say3 ,dearly beloved3 we are gathered together here in the sight of ,god1 and in the presence of these witnesses1 to join together this man and this woman in holy ,matrimony2 which is an honorable estate1 instituted of ,god in the time of man's innocency1 signifying unto us the mystical union that exists between ,christ and his ,church2 which holy estate ,christ adorned and beautified with his presence1 and first miracle that he wrought in ,cana of ,galilee1 and is commended of ,saint ,paul to be honorable among all men2 and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly1 but reverently1 discreetly1 and in the fear of ,god4 ,into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined4 ,therefore1 if any can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together1 let him now speak1 or else hereafter forever hold his peace4 ,and also1 speaking unto the persons who are to be married1 the ,minister shall say3 ,i require and charge you both1 that if either of you know any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined together in ,matrimony1 you do now confess it2 for be ye well assured1 that so many as are coupled together otherwise than ,god's word doth allow are not joined together by ,god1 neither is their ,matrimony lawful4 ,if no impediment be alleged1 then shall the ,minister say unto the ,man3 ,m4 ,wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife1 to live together after ,god's ordinance in the holy estate of ,matrimony8 ,wilt thou love her1 comfort her1 honor and keep her1 in sickness and in health3 and1 forsaking all other1 keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall live8 ,the ,man shall answer3 ,i will4 ,then shall the ,minister say unto the ,woman3 ,n4 ,wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband1 to live together after ,god's ordinance in the holy estate of ,matrimony8 ,wilt thou love1 honor1 and keep him1 in sickness and in health3 and1 forsaking all other1 keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live8 ,the ,woman shall answer3 ,i will4 ,then the ,minister shall cause the ,man with his right hand to take the ,woman by her right hand1 and to say after him as followeth3 ,i ,m4 take thee ,n4 to be my wedded wife1 to have and to hold1 from this day forward1 for better1 for worse1 for richer1 for poorer1 in sickness and in health1 to love and to cherish1 till death us do part1 according to ,god's holy ordinance3 ,and thereto ,i plight thee my faith4 ,then shall they loose their hands1 and the ,woman with her right hand taking the ,man by his right hand shall likewise say after the ,minister3 ,i ,n4 take thee ,m4 to be my wedded husband1 to have and to hold1 from this day forward1 for better1 for worse1 for richer1 for poorer1 in sickness and in health1 to love and to cherish1 till death us do part1 according to ,god's holy ordinance3 and thereto ,i plight thee my faith4 ,then shall the ,minister ,pray thus3 ,o eternal ,god1 ,creator and ,preserver of all mankind1 ,giver of all spiritual grace1 the ,author of everlasting life3 send thy blessing upon these thy servants1 this man and this woman1 whom we bless in thy name2 that as ,isaac and ,rebecca lived faithfully together1 so these persons may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made1 and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together1 and live according to thy laws1 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord4 ,amen4 ,if the parties desire it1 the ,man shall here hand a ,ring to the ,minister1 who shall return it to him1 and direct him to place it on the third finger of the ,woman's left hand4 ,and the ,man shall say to the ,woman1 repeating after the ,minister3 ,with this ring ,i thee wed1 and with my worldly goods ,i thee endow1 in the name of the ,father1 and of the ,son1 and of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,amen4 ,then shall the ,minister join their right hands together1 and say3 ,forasmuch as ,m4 and ,n4 have consented together in holy wedlock1 and have witnessed the same before ,god and this company1 and thereto have pledged their faith either to other1 and have declared the same by joining of hands2 ,i pronounce that they are husband and wife together1 in the name of the ,father1 and of the ,son1 and of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,those whom ,god hath joined together1 let no man put asunder4 ,amen4 ,and the ,minister shall add this blessing3 ,god the ,father1 the ,son1 and the ,holy ,ghost1 bless1 preserve1 and keep you2 the ,lord mercifully with his favor look upon you1 and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace1 that ye may so live together in this life1 that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting4 ,amen4 ,then shall the ,minister offer the following ,prayer3 ,o ,god of ,abraham1 ,god of ,isaac1 ,god of ,jacob1 bless this man and this woman1 and sow the seed of eternal life in their hearts1 that whatsoever in thy holy word they shall profitably learn1 they may indeed fulfill the same4 ,look1 ,o ,lord1 mercifully on them from heaven1 and bless them3 as thou didst send thy blessings upon ,abraham and ,sarah to their great comfort1 so vouchsafe to send thy blessings upon this man and this woman1 that they1 obeying thy will1 and always being in safety under thy protection1 may abide in thy love unto their lives' end1 through ,jesus ,christ our ,lord4 ,almighty ,god1 who at the beginning didst create our first parents1 ,adam and ,eve1 and didst sanctify and join them together in marriage1 pour upon these persons the riches of thy grace1 sanctify and bless them1 that they may please thee both in body and soul1 and live together in holy love unto their lives' end4 ,amen4 ,here the ,minister may use extemporary ,prayer4 ,then the ,minister shall repeat the ,lord's ,prayer3 ,our ,father who art in heaven1 hallowed be thy name4 ,thy kingdom come4 ,thy will be done in earth1 as it is in heaven4 ,give us this day our daily bread3 and forgive us our trespasses1 as we forgive them that trespass against us3 and lead us not into temptation1 but deliver us from evil3 for thine is the kingdom1 and the power1 and the glory1 forever4 ,amen4 ,illustration3 ,this ,certifies ,that ,robert ,b4 ,lawrence of ,olean ,state of ,n4 ,y4 and ,maude ,l4 ,harvey of ,olean ,state of ,n4 ,y4 ,,were ,,by ,,me ,,united ,,in ,,holy ,,matrimony ,,according ,,to ,,the ,,ordinance ,,of ,,god ,,and ,,the ,,laws ,,of ,,the ,,state ,,of ,new ,york at ,home of the bride ,olean ,n4 ,y4 on the ,eleventh day of ,july-#aa-aijj in the year of our ,lord one thousand nine hundred #aijj ,g4 ,r4 ,harvey ,minister of the ,gospel4 ,illustration3 ,,witnesses3 ,arthur ,wright 444 ,john ,s4 ,seivert ,jessie ,seivert ,francis ,e4 ,selover1 ,mr4 ,mrs4 ,a ,j ,lawrence ,,the ,,new ,,home4 ,the founding of a new home marks an important era in a human life4 ,whether you be poor or wealthy1 wise or ignorant1 it is all the same--you begin a new existence4 ,the associations of childhood and youth now undergo a total change4 ,the familiar scenes disappear suddenly4 ,longfellow1 in his ,hanging of the ,crane1 writes the following touching words on the eventful day3 ,o fortunate1 ,o happy day1 ,when a new household finds its place ,among the myriad homes of earth1 ,like a new star sprung to birth1 ,and rolled on its harmonious way ,into the boundless realms of space6 44444 ,for two alone1 there in the hall1 ,is spread the table round and small2 ,upon the polished silver shine ,the evening lamps2 but1 more divine1 ,the light of love shines over all2 ,of love that says not mine and thine1 ,but ours1 for ours is thine and mine4 44444 ,they want no guests2 they needs must be ,each other's own best company4 ,what sort of a home shall the new one be8 ,shall it be the abode of happy hearts and pure and noble lives1 or shall discontent and misery prevail8 ,jane ,welch ,carlyle says truly3 ,if ever one is to pray--if ever one is to feel grave and anxious--if ever one is to shrink from vain show and vain babble--surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings binding themselves to one another1 for better and for worse1 till death part them4 ,great is the difference in households4 ,as one walks along a beautiful street in a city there is nothing in the fronts of the houses to indicate the kind of life which passes within doors4 ,but an intimate acquaintance1 such as a faithful pastor gains in the course of his labors1 often reveals the fact that in some of the most magnificent houses there is no peace or joy1 while in some of the humblest cottages there is a calm and loving spirit which continues and grows from year to year4 ,the kind of a house1 even the adornments which wealth and luxury bring1 do not determine the true home4 ,the two people who establish the new household decide its quality4 ,that the people who occupy a home decide its quality is beautifully expressed by ,nathaniel ,cotton1 a poet of the last century3 ,if solid happiness we prize1 ,within our breast this jewel lies2 ,and they are fools who roam3 ,the world has nothing to bestow2 ,from our own selves our joys must flow1 ,and that dear hut1 our home4 ,if those who occupy the home resolve to be happy and contented1 to avoid envying persons of larger means and higher social position1 to lead a life of mutual confidence and esteem1 and to serve ,god with trustful love1 their home will be to them a sacred place4 ,i was once pastor of a church in ,fulton ,street1 ,elizabeth1 ,n4 ,j41 where the most of the members were mechanics and laborers and on the railroad4 ,their circumstances were limited1 and they had but little power to adorn their houses4 ,but in some of those homes there reigned such beauty of spirit1 such contentment with the condition in life1 such kindliness and sympathy1 such cheerfulness and patience1 that it was a joy to cross the threshold and commune with the members of the plain and unambitious families4 ,the memories of those visits are among the most delightful of my pastoral experience4 ,suppose1 then1 your new home is plain and homely4 ,remember1 that marble walls1 and broad and polished halls1 and masterpieces in painting on the walls1 and a daily fare of luxuries1 and table service of silver and gold1 and a retinue of liveried servants do not constitute a home4 ,though the new home consist of only a few rooms1 if mutual love and admiration reign within the narrow walls1 no historical palace can be half so beautiful or attractive4 ,home's not merely four square walls1 ,though hung with pictures nicely gilded2 ,home is where affection calls1 ,filled with shrines the heart hath builded4 44444 ,home's not merely roof and room2 ,home needs something to endear it2 ,home is where the heart can bloom1 ,where there's some kind heart to cheer it4 ,but for a home to be truly beautiful there must needs be1 always1 one guest--the ,saviour4 ,there were many magnificent buildings in ,jerusalem when ,he walked its streets and performed his miraculous works of healing4 ,but in all the land1 and in all the ages1 there was never one more charming than that little home in ,bethany1 where ,lazarus and his sisters ,mary and ,martha constituted the household4 ,and why was that the perfect home8 ,because our ,lord was always the welcome ,guest4 ,,the ,,home ,,altar4 ,every thing depends on the way you begin your new life in your own new home4 ,the household altar is a supreme necessity4 ,no hesitation or timidity should be allowed to prevent family worship4 ,if both of you are members of the ,church1 the holding of a brief family worship need not be a serious trial4 ,the difficulty will be when only one is a ,christian1 and still greater will it be if neither is a ,christian4 ,what is to be done under such circumstances8 ,must the having family worship be postponed until the religious life be commenced8 ,that is uncertain1 and it may be years before a household altar is established4 ,the only safe way is to begin at once by holding a short service4 ,simple it may be4 ,it was the daily custom of ,president ,hayes1 during his presidential term of office1 to convene his family for daily worship4 ,the prayer consisted of only the ,lord's ,prayer4 ,but it was enough4 ,the minds of the household were directed toward spiritual things4 ,the help of ,god was sought1 to bear whatever burdens the day might bring4 ,however great the embarrassment in the face of this great duty1 let it not prevent the brief domestic worship4 ,begin--begin immediately4 ,a short ,scripture reading1 followed by prayer1 even only the ,lord's ,prayer1 will be sufficient4 ,there are good forms of prayer1 some of which ,i have used to advantage4 ,fletcher's ,family ,devotion2 ,sturm's ,family ,devotions2 ,morison's ,family ,prayers2 ,cumming's ,daily ,family ,devotion2 ,family ,worship1 by one hundred and eighty clergymen of the ,church of ,scotland2 ,cassell's ,family ,devotion2 ,dale's ,domestic ,liturgy2 ,thornton's ,family ,prayers2 ,thompson and ,spurgeon's ,home ,worship and the ,use of the ,bible in the ,home2 and ,jay's ,morning and ,evening ,exercises1 are good books for this purpose4 ,the works of ,fletcher1 ,thornton1 and the ,home ,worship of ,thompson and ,spurgeon are worthy of special commendation4 ,even when one is accustomed to extemporaneous prayer1 the use of one of the above books will1 nevertheless1 be of great service in preventing stereotyped phrases and trains of thought4 ,i have often found that my own needs1 and ,i believe those of my family1 have been better and more exactly described by others than by myself4 ,it is best1 however1 to get into no fixed form4 ,let the extemporaneous prayer1 or the printed form of prayer1 be used judiciously1 as circumstances require4 ,care should be taken that the home worship may not be made tedious1 and thus become a burden4 ,i have always found it best to use the ,bible for the ,scripture selection rather than the selections made in the books containing forms of prayer4 ,it is well to read the ,bible in course1 and to have the same copy of the ,bible from which to read brief selections1 without being governed by the divisions in chapters4 ,your one and the same ,bible1 being used every day in family worship1 becomes very precious with the growing years4 ,it will be associated with all the tenderest memories of the home life4 ,i have occasionally used a different copy of the ,bible in my own home for family worship1 but none is half so dear as the plain1 old1 and well-worn copy with which ,i began1 when ,i established my own home altar1 far back in the years4 ,but1 besides worship together at the family altar1 there should be private prayer4 ,every one should have a place where he can worship ,god alone4 ,our ,lord saw the necessity that each of his disciples should be alone with him4 ,hence he said3 ,when thou prayest1 enter into thy closet1 and when thou hast shut thy door1 pray to thy ,father which is in secret2 and thy ,father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly4 ,begin the day by solitary communing with ,god4 ,end the day in the same way1 by asking ,god for his forgiveness for the past1 for his preservation for the night1 and for his care in all the time to come4 ,but some one may say3 ,does not this attention to religious duties make the new home gloomy8 ,not at all4 ,it is the way to make it bright and cheerful4 ,the wedding day soon passes by1 and in time will come the regular domestic life1 with its monotony and cares4 ,leave this life to ,god's ordering4 ,he alone can make us strong for every hour's demands4 ,the ,german poet ,schirmer says a wise word1 which well applies to all who begin life in the new home3 ,left to ourselves we shall but stray2 ,o1 lead us in the narrow way3 ,with wisest counsel guide us1 ,and give us steadfastness1 that we ,may henceforth truly follow thee1 ,whatever woes betide us4 44444 ,o mighty ,rock1 ,o ,source of life1 ,let thy clear word1 'mid doubt and strife1 ,be so within us burning1 ,that we be faithful unto death ,in thy pure love and holy faith1 ,from thee true wisdom learning4 ,lord1 thy graces on us shower2 ,by thy power ,christ confessing ,let us win his grace and blessing4 ,vinet here lays down the true principle of a thoroughly good life at home3 ,wherever we advance in the path of marriage and of life1 with eyes lifted up toward a ,saviour we love1 with a salvation we hope for1 with a spirit of prayer and supplication through which ,jesus ,christ constantly intervenes by his ,spirit between the husband and wife--there1 indeed1 a marriage may be happy2 nay1 must be infallibly so4 ,the union between two converted hearts is necessarily sweet and unutterable2 without this there is no security4 ,the new home consecrated by prayer--daily prayer--will become what that beautiful home of ,sir ,thomas ,more was--a school and exercise of the ,christian religion4 ,,the ,,home ,,beautiful4 ,great art is required in making beautiful the new home4 ,the house need not be large and stately in order to be attractive to the eye4 ,more attention has been paid of late in this country to the adornment of homes than in former years4 ,we ,americans begin to see1 as never before1 that the enjoyment of the occupants of a house is in some way connected with the furnishing and general effect4 ,let every room be used4 ,let the inner doors be kept wide open4 ,in this way the atmosphere will be uniform and of free circulation2 the interior of the house will appear to its full size1 and the general effect will be more cheerful4 ,even the humblest means need not prevent some simple hangings and a few prints on the walls4 ,i would let the sunlight pour into the new home4 ,the old dread that the carpets will get faded and the curtains get spoiled is an abomination4 ,my own habit is1 so soon as ,i get down stairs in the morning--and ,i am an early riser--to draw aside the curtains1 to let the shades fly up1 and to throw the sashes wide open4 ,by and by1 if from the street this airy appearance is considered a little unfashionable1 and those within choose to shut out the sunlight in a measure1 ,i rejoice that ,i have had my unfashionable way1 and the sun has had his golden way1 for a while at least4 ,gladness comes into the house with the blaze of the blessed sun4 ,let all the rooms share the joy4 ,i suppose a carpet somewhat faded will wear as long as if the colors were fresh4 ,but if the penalty for having bright and sunny rooms is to be some faded carpets and window hangings1 let the full penalty be paid1 and cheerfully1 too4 ,no price is too great for a bright and sunny home4 ,the sight of a few flowers adds to the beauty of even the humblest home4 ,even a sprig of arbutus or jessamine1 or a lily of the valley1 on the table1 will make every meal the sweeter4 ,the ,germans of the poorest class1 all over the ,fatherland1 never forget to have flowers in their lowly homes4 ,if the family occupy only a few rooms in a lofty story1 they will be sure to have beautiful plants on the window-ledge1 and here and there within the rooms4 ,these are of such kind that the succession of flowers is well kept up in all seasons4 ,throughout the year1 when there is no frost1 these flowering plants at the ,german windows can be seen from the street to the highest flat4 ,the varied flowers and the hanging vines form beautiful pictures in village and town4 ,away with the thought that wealth is needed to make the home beautiful6 ,it is a question of taste1 tact1 and a desire to please another4 ,on the very street where ,i live there is a quiet little house1 occupied by a newly-married couple4 ,it is inexpensive1 and the furniture is not costly4 ,but there is so much taste in the furnishing and ornamentation1 and there is so much brightness in all the rooms1 that the home is a charming picture4 ,i seldom pass it without thinking of the beautiful1 but not costly1 interior4 ,,good ,,reading ,,at ,,home4 ,a home without books is a desert4 ,in these days all the standard authors can be bought at small price1 and even the humblest home should be adorned with the companionship of at least some of them4 ,you may not have a taste for reading2 at any rate1 you may think you have not4 ,but possibly you have made a mistake in the kind of books you have tried to enjoy1 and so imagined that you do not like any books4 ,try another class1 and you will likely be surprised to find that you can enjoy them4 ,suppose you have not the experience to select proper books4 ,now1 you will have a pastor1 of course1 and a church home4 ,make a friend of that pastor4 ,he ought to be a good adviser in the matter of proper books4 ,at any rate1 get some judicious friend to help you in the choice4 ,buy only a very few books at a time1 and let your little home-library grow gradually4 ,never buy a book that you have your doubts about4 ,emerson's advice to buy only a standard work1 which has been out for years1 has its good and safe quality4 ,avoid too much fiction and a superabundance of periodical literature4 ,one popular magazine is enough4 ,the money which you have for reading-matter should be confined chiefly to books1 and they ought to be the world's masterpieces4 ,i am satisfied that in the average home there is too little reading4 ,history1 biography1 travel1 with a fair share of religious books1 can be read in course at home1 in the odd half hours1 and the mind become richly stored with facts4 ,is there any thing in the domestic life which ought to interfere with this constant culture of the mind8 ,not at all4 ,the domestic life is highly favorable to mental discipline4 ,the very beginning of real intellectual improvement in many a mind has been in the new home of persons just married4 ,the reading aloud of an interesting work1 the one to the other1 is a delightful entertainment1 and gives a new charm to life4 ,every effort must be employed to keep the mind from becoming sluggish and barren4 ,we need information1 the thoughts of the good and great and richly endowed1 to make our own lives richer4 ,it would be a wise arrangement if every man and woman1 on establishing their home1 would set apart some time for intellectual improvement by the reading of good books4 ,i am acquainted with a young lady1 who1 on entering her plain little house1 found that her husband and herself were so interrupted by visits and other claims on their time in the evening1 that they resolved to rise an hour earlier in the morning1 and devote the time to reading and study4 ,they were thus free from interruption1 and had ample opportunity1 before the regular duties of the day began1 to store their minds with useful knowledge4 ,i think it probable that they will carry this excellent custom with them through life4 ,much of my time is spent in high-ways1 and along the narrow by-ways of life4 ,my homes are many4 ,but when my good fortune brings me at night to occupy a room far from my own home1 where a good book or two are to be found1 ,i can say with ,milton1 in his ,areopagitica3 ,a good book is the precious life-blood of a master-spirit embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond2 and with ,wordsworth1 in his ,personal ,talk3 ,dreams1 books1 are each a world2 and books1 we know1 ,are a substantial world1 both pure and good2 ,round these1 with tendrils strong as flesh and blood1 ,our pastime and our happiness will grow4 ,i like a home where you can see the books4 ,a choice book-case with glass doors1 and the doors locked1 ought to be expelled from the home4 ,let the books be where they can be seen and easily reached4 ,let them not be confined to one room1 but so distributed that nearly every room shall have at least a few in sight4 ,a few books here and there about the house1 and even in the bed-rooms1 are worth more than a costly piece of furniture4 ,when we see books in our homes1 and they are where we can handle them without effort1 we are apt to take them up1 and get snatches of good reading4 ,,forbearance4 ,the marriage bond is sacred4 ,it lasts for life3 ,until death do us part4 ,but it is probable that qualities of temperament and mind in each one will develop which will surprise the other4 ,some of these may produce an unfavorable impression4 ,others may prove most agreeable surprises4 ,each person has come from a different class of associations1 and each has a different nature4 ,here comes in the great necessity of accommodation and adaptation4 ,too early and too much criticism spoils many a home4 ,one silent1 both happy1 is an old motto well worth observing4 ,but often a single appreciative word will brighten the whole sky4 ,one of ,franklin's plain phrases has its wise lesson3 ,as we must account for every idle word1 so we must for every idle silence4 ,frederika ,bremer says3 ,marriage has a morrow1 and again a morrow4 ,you will need to bear with each other1 and to so act1 each to the other1 that every day may be made beautiful and happy1 and the whole future one of mutual and respectful forbearance4 ,foolish to think1 says ,dr4 ,a4 ,p4 ,peabody1 that the whole mutual life can flow on like the early stream1 without a ripple or eddy4 ,home is a school1 a discipline whereby husband and wife are to grow unto each other1 getting rid of their angularities1 harmonizing their peculiar characteristics1 and more and more becoming one in thought1 sympathy1 and life4 ,the true blessedness of wedded souls is not insured by a simple exchange of plighted faith4 ,it comes through and after many a self-denial1 many a crucifixion of the will1 many a scourging of the resentment1 anger1 pride1 vanity1 and passions of the heart4 ,it is true here1 as in other relations1 that 'he who saveth his life shall lose it1 and he that loseth his life shall save it4' ,do not forget1 then1 that the life at home has its severe tests4 ,if it is not an expected thing1 it will be the unexpected which will try your nature and make your burden heavy4 ,you should remember1 if there is fault1 that it is not all on one side4 ,the unkind word may come to the lips1 but it should never be spoken4 ,words are mighty1 words are living2 ,serpents with their venomous stings1 ,or bright angels1 crowding round us1 ,with heaven's light upon their wings3 ,every word has its own spirit1 ,true or false1 that never dies2 ,every word man's lips have uttered ,echoes in ,god's skies4 ,the graces of patience1 sublime calmness1 golden silence1 should be cultivated with delightful zeal4 ,you may each have had your way1 but now the way of another must be respected4 ,besides1 it may be a much better and safer way than yours4 ,john ,angell ,james says3 ,where both have infirmities1 and they are so constantly together1 innumerable occasions will be furnished1 if we are eager1 or even willing1 to avail ourselves of the opportunities for those contentions which1 if they do not produce a permanent suppression of love1 lead to its temporary interruption4 ,many things we should connive at1 others we should pass by with an unprovoked mind1 and in all things most carefully avoid even what at first may seem to be an innocent disputation4 ,the real basis of adaptation is mutual respect and love4 ,neither the husband nor the wife must judge each other too critically4 ,the indiscreet word1 or error of any kind1 must never be allowed to cause a doubt as to the heart's deep affection4 ,gentleness1 patience1 time1 will give ample opportunity for the full sunlight to break forth4 ,each heart needs the other for true happiness4 ,it must be a united life4 ,in ,hiawatha we read the true relation3 ,as unto the bow the cord is1 ,so unto the man is woman1 ,though she bends him1 she obeys him2 ,though she draws him1 yet she follows1 ,useless each without the other4 ,the married life1 to be supremely happy1 must be thoroughly unselfish4 ,i was once on shipboard with a tourist who was accompanied by his wife1 but for whose opinion he seemed1 even to other travelers1 to show but little respect4 ,the voyage was a long one1 and while the wife's bearing was most gentle and kindly1 his manner impressed me as thoroughly selfish4 ,i do not imagine that he was aware of the abrupt and strongly personal quality of his bearing toward his refined and cultured wife4 ,with all his wealth he lacked that appearance of tenderness which is more than gold or precious stones4 ,no effort must be spared by either husband or wife to contribute to the other's happiness and comfort4 ,it does not require a long time1 especially when living together1 for one to see what will please another4 ,this desire to please1 strengthening with the days and years1 revealing itself in a thousand kindly ways1 will do more than any thing else to make the home a paradise on earth4 ,cowper gives the true secret of a beautiful and strengthening reciprocal adaptation3 ,the kindest and the happiest pair ,will have occasion to forbear2 ,and something every day they live ,to pity1 and perchance forgive4 ,the love that cheers life's latest stage1 ,proof against sickness and old age1 ,is gentle1 delicate and kind3 ,to faults compassionate or blind1 ,and will with sympathy endure ,those evils it would gladly cure4 ,i believe the ,germans excel all others in literature in their warm tributes to the faithful love and devotion of their wives4 ,kerner1 the ,suabian author1 said this beautiful word in testimony of his wife after their long years of happiness together3 ,she hath borne with me4 ,martin ,luther said of his wife1 the devoted ,catherine3 ,i would not exchange my poverty with her for all the riches of ,croesus without her4 ,bismarck1 the man of blood and iron1 says of his wife3 ,she it is who made me what ,i am4 ,,the ,,yesterdays ,,of ,,home4 ,every day becomes a yesterday4 ,our conduct at home should be such that the morrow will bring no regrets4 ,mrs4 ,sigourney thus describes the changes that must come over the brightest home3 ,not for the summer's hour alone1 ,when skies resplendent shine ,and youth and pleasure fill the throne1 ,our hearts and hands we join4 ,but for those stern and wintry days ,of sorrow1 pain1 and fear4 ,when ,heaven's wise discipline doth make ,our earthly journey drear4 ,it is sad enough when either a man or his wife learns first1 when one or the other is taken away by death1 that there has been a life-long want of considerate tenderness4 ,supposing the late ,thomas ,carlyle had been a little more attentive to his brilliant and devoted wife during their long and lonely life in the plain home in ,cheyne ,row1 in ,chelsea1 ,london1 such words as these1 which escaped her in a letter to a friend1 could never have been said3 ,those little attentions which we women attach so much importance to he was never in the habit of rendering to any one2 his upbringing1 and the severe turn of mind he has from nature1 had alike indisposed him toward them4 ,but the grim old man saw his mistake at last4 ,it was all too late1 however4 ,it was only after all her sacrifices had been made1 and he had written his many works1 and she lay in her grave1 that he awoke to a knowledge of his long neglect4 ,mr4 ,froude says that ,carlyle often said1 when there was no more opportunity for a kind word to reach his wife3 ,o if ,i could but see her for five minutes1 to assure her that ,i really cared for her throughout all that2 but she never knew it1 she never knew it4 ,it is no wonder that ,mr4 ,froude was compelled to write of ,carlyle these sad words3 ,for many years after she had left him1 when he passed the spot where she was last seen alive he would bare his gray head in the wind and rain1 his features wrung with unavailing sorrow4 ,we are prone to take too many things for granted4 ,you should not assume that your thoughtless word1 or harsh manner1 or forgetfulness of little and delicate attentions will have no effect1 and will be duly passed by as unmeaning4 ,no such thing6 ,every word or look which is incompatible with genuine love and respect weighs like a millstone4 ,gentle attentions will be remembered1 not only through the day1 but through all the days4 ,recently1 while on a visit in ,irvington-on-the-,hudson1 the widow of a celebrated publisher led me to the portrait of her lamented husband1 and stood in admiration before the magnificent painting4 ,she then said to me3 ,i esteem it the greatest honor that could be conferred upon me to have been the wife of such a man4 ,could there be a grander tribute to an attentive and devoted husband8 ,in that exquisite work1 ,memorials of a ,quiet ,life1 ,mrs4 ,hare pays this beautiful tribute to her husband3 ,i never saw any body so easy to live with1 by whom the daily petty things of life were passed over so lightly2 and then there is a charm in the refinement of feeling which is not to be told in its influence upon trifles4 ,mrs4 ,stowe1 in describing the good qualities of the ,duchess of ,sutherland in her own home in ,scotland1 says that she excelled in considerateness4 ,paul's advice is as beautiful as it is true1 and suits young married people perfectly4 ,in the ,revised ,version it reads thus3 ,in lowliness of mind each counting other better than himself2 not looking each of you to his own things1 but each of you also to the things of others4 ,another piece of ,pauline advice is of equally useful quality3 ,let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace1 and things wherewith one may edify another4 ,happy are they whom death has not yet divided1 and to whom it is still granted to say such words and do such kindly acts as will prove delightful memories when the ,happy ,to-,days become only ,yesterdays in the ,home4