,,en ,,r\te by ,j4 ,k4 ,,huysmans ,translat$ by ,w4 ,flem+ ,,en ,,r\te4 ,,*apt] ,i4 ,dur+ ! fir/ week 9 ,novemb]1 ! week )9 ! ,octave ( ,all ,s\ls1 ,durtal ent]$ ,/4 ,sulpice1 at eight o'clock 9 ! ev5+4 ,he (t5 *ose to turn into t *ur*1 because !re 0 a tra9$ *oir1 & because he c\ld !re exam9e himself at peace1 ap>t f ! cr[d4 ,! ugl9ess ( ! nave1 ) its heavy vault+1 vani%$ at night1 ! aisles 7 (t5 empty1 x 0 ill-light$ by a few lamps--x 0 possible = a man to *ide 8 s\l 9 secret1 z if at home4 ,durtal sat d[n beh9d ! high alt>1 on ! left1 9 ! aisle along ! ,rue de ,/4 ,sulpice2 ! lamps ( ! *oir organ 7 light$4 ,f> (f1 9 ! almo/ empty nave1 an ecclesia/ic 0 prea*+4 ,he recogniz$1 by ! unctu\sness ( 8 deliv]y1 & 8 oily acc5t1 a well-f$ prie/ :o p\r$ on 8 audi5ce1 accord+ to 8 wont1 8 be/ kn[n commonplaces4 ,:y are !y s devoid ( eloqu5ce8 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,i h _h ! curiosity to li/5 to _m ( !m1 & !y are mu* ! same4 ,!y only v>y 9 ! tones ( _! voice4 ,accord+ to _! temp]am5t1 "s are bruis$ d[n 9 v9eg>1 o!rs /eep$ 9 oil4 ,!re is no su* ?+ z a clev] comb9ation4 ,& he call$ to m9d orators pett$ l t5ors1 ,monsabr1 ,didon1 ^? ,coquel9s ( ! ,*ur*1 & l[] yet ?an ^? products ( ! ,ca?olic tra9+ s*ool1 t bellicose booby ! ,abb d',hul/4 ,aft]w>ds1 he cont9u$1 come ! m$iocrities1 ea* puff$ by ! h&ful ( devotees :o li/5 to !m4 ,if ^? cooks ( ! s\l _h any skill1 if !y s]v$ _! cli5ts ) delicate meats1 !ological ess5ces1 gravies ( pray]1 conc5trat$ sauces ( ideas1 !y w\ld vegetate misund]/ood by _! flocks4 ,s1 on ! :ole1 x is all = ! be/4 ,! l[-wat] m>k ( ! cl]gy mu/ con=m to ! level ( ! fai?ful1 & inde$ ,provid5ce has provid$ c>efully = ?is4 ,a /amp+ ( %oes1 !n ! movem5t ( *airs gr9d+ on ! flags int]rupt$ him4 ,! s]mon 0 ov]4 ,!n a great /illness 0 brok5 by a prelude f ! organ1 :i* dropp$ to a l[ tone1 a m]e accompanim5t to ! voices4 ,a sl[ & m\rnful *ant arose1 ! ,de ,pr(undis4 ,! bl5d$ voices s\nd$ "u ! ar*es1 int]m+l+ ) ! some:at raw s\nds ( ! h>monicas1 l ! %>p tones ( break+ glass4 ,re/+ on ! l[ accompanim5t ( ! organ1 aid$ by basses s holl[ t !y seem$ to h desc5d$ into !mselves1 z x 7 und]gr\nd1 !y sprang out1 *ant+ ! v]se ,de pr(undis ad te clamavi1 ,d-- & !n /opp$ 9 fatigue1 lett+ ! la/ syllables m9e fall l a heavy te>2 !n ^! voices ( *ildr51 ne> break+1 took up ! second v]se ( ! psalm1 ,dom9e exaudi vocem meam1 & ! second half ( ! la/ ^w aga9 rema9$ 9 susp5se1 b in/ead ( sep>at+1 & fall+ to ! gr\nd1 !re to be cru%$ out l a drop1 x seem$ to ga!r itself toge!r ) a supreme ef=t1 & fl+ to heav5 ! angui%$ cry ( ! dis9c>nate s\l1 ca/ nak$1 & 9 te>s be=e ,god4 ,& aft] a pause1 ! organ1 aid$ by two d\ble-basses1 bell[$ out1 c>ry+ all ! voices 9 its torr5t--b>itones1 t5ors1 basses1 n n[ s]v+ only z %ea?s to ! %>p blades ( ! ur*9 voices1 b op5ly ) full ?roat$ s\nd--yet ! da% ( ! little soprani pi]c$ !m ?r\gh all at once l a cry/al arr[4 ,!n a fre% pause1 & 9 ! sil5ce ( ! *ur*1 ! v]ses m\rn$ out anew1 ?r[n up by ! organ1 z by a spr+ bo>d4 ,z he li/5$ ) att5tion endeav\r+ to resolve ! s\nds1 clos+ 8 eyes1 ,durtal saw !m at fir/ almo/ horizontal1 !n ris+ little by little1 !n rais+ !mselves upright1 !n quiv]+ 9 te>s1 be=e _! f9al break+4 ,sudd5ly at ! end ( ! psalm1 :5 ! response ( ! antiphon came--,et lux p]petua luceat eis--! *ildr5's voices broke into a sad1 silk5 cry1 a %>p sob1 trembl+ on ! ^w eis1 :i* rema9$ susp5d$ 9 ! void4 ,^! *ildr5's voices /ret*$ to break+1 ^! cle> %>p voices ?rew into ! d>kness ( ! *ant "s :it5ess ( ! dawn1 jo9+ _! pure1 s(t s\nds to ! resonant tones ( ! basses1 pi]c+ z ) a jet ( liv+ silv] ! sombre cat>act ( ! deep] s+]s2 !y %>p5$ ! wail+1 /r5g!n$ & embitt]$ ! burn+ salt ( te>s1 b !y ins9uat$ also a sort ( protect+ c>ess1 balsamic fre%ness1 lu/ral help2 !y light$ 9 ! d>kness ^? brief gleams :i* t9kle 9 ! ,angelus at dawn ( day2 !y call$ up1 anticipat+ ! prophecies ( ! text1 ! compassionate image ( ! ,virg91 pass+1 9 ! pale light ( _! tones1 into ! d>kness ( t sequ5ce4 ,! ,de ,pr(undis s *ant$ 0 incomp>ably beautiful4 ,t sublime pray] end+ 9 sobs1 at ! mom5t :5 ! s\l ( ! voices 0 ab\t to ov]pass human limits1 gave a wr5* to ,durtal's n]ves1 & made 8 he>t beat4 ,!n he wi%$ to ab/ract himself1 & cl+ especially to ! mean+ ( t sorr[ful pla9t1 9 :i* ! fall5 be+ calls ^u its ,god ) groans & lam5tations4 ,^? cries ( ! ?ird v]se came back to him1 :]e9 call+ on 8 ,savi\r 9 despair f ! bottom ( ! abyss1 man1 n[ t he kn[s he is he>d1 hesitates a%am$1 kn[+ n :at to say4 ,! excuses he has prep>$ appe> to him va91 ! argum5ts he has arrang$ seem to him ( no effect1 & he /amm]s =?2 ,if ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 %alt obs]ve iniquities1 ,"l1 :o %all endure x8 ,x is a pity1 said ,durtal to himself1 t ?is psalm1 :i* 9 its fir/ v]ses *ants s magnific5tly ! despair ( humanity1 becomes 9 ^? :i* foll[ m p]sonal to ,k+ ,david4 ,i "k well1 he w5t on1 t we mu/ accept ! symbolic s5se ( ?is plead+1 admit t ! despot conf\nds 8 own cause ) t ( ,god1 t 8 adv]s>ies are ! unbeliev]s & ! wick$1 t he himself1 accord+ to ! doctors ( ! ,*ur*1 prefigures ! p]son ( ,*ri/2 b yet ! memory ( 8 fle%ly desires1 & ! presumptu\s praise he gives to 8 incorrigible p1 contracts ! scope ( ! poem4 ,happily ! melody has a life ap>t f ! text1 a life ( its own1 n aris+ out ( m]e tribal diss5sions1 b ext5d+ to all ! e>?1 *ant+ ! angui% ( ! "t to be born1 z well z ( ! pres5t day1 & ( ! ages :i* are no m4 ,! ,de ,pr(undis _h ceas$2 aft] a sil5ce1 ! *oir inton$ a motet ( ! eighte5? c5tury1 b ,durtal 0 only mod]ately int]e/$ 9 human music 9 *ur*es4 ,:at seem$ to him sup]ior to ! mo/ vaunt$ works ( !atrical or worldly music1 0 ! old pla9 *ant1 t ev5 & nak$ melody1 at once e!real & ( ! tomb1 ! solemn cry ( sadness & l(ty %\t ( joy1 ^? gr&iose hymns ( human fai?1 :i* seem to well up 9 ! ca!drals1 l irresi/ible geys]s1 at ! v foot ( ! ,romanesque columns4 ,:at music1 h[ev] ample1 sorr[ful or t5d]1 is wor? ! ,de ,pr(undis *ant$ 9 unison1 ! solemnity ( ! ,magnificat1 ! spl5did w>m? ( ! ,lauda ,sion1 ! en?usiasm ( ! ,salve ,reg9a1 ! sorr[ ( ! ,mis]]e1 & ! ,/abat ,mat]1 ! maje/ic omnipot5ce ( ! ,te ,deum8 ,arti/s ( g5ius h set !mselves to translate ! sacr$ texts3 ,vittoria1 ,josqu9 de ,prs1 ,pale/r9a1 ,orl&o ,lasso1 ,h&el1 ,ba*1 ,haydn1 h writt5 wond]ful pages2 (t5 inde$ !y h be5 uplift$ by ! my/ic efflu5ce1 ! v emanation ( ! ,middle ,ages1 = ev] lo/2 & yet _! works h reta9$ a c]ta9 pomp1 & 9 spite ( all are pret5ti\s1 z oppos$ to ! humble magnific5ce1 ! sob] spl5d\r ( ! ,gregorian *ant--) !m ! :ole ?+ came to an end1 = compos]s no long] believ$4 ,yet 9 mod]n times "s religi\s pieces may be cit$ ( ,lesueur1 ,wagn]1 ,b]lioz1 & ,cs> ,franck1 & 9 ^! aga9 we are consci\s ( ! arti/ und]ly+ 8 "w1 ! arti/ det]m9$ to %[ 8 skill1 ?9k+ to exalt 8 own glory1 & !re=e leav+ ,god out4 ,we feel ourselves 9 ! pres5ce ( sup]ior m51 b m5 ) _! weaknesses1 _! insep>able vanity1 & ev5 ! vice ( _! s5ses4 ,9 ! liturgical *ant1 creat$ almo/ always anonym\sly 9 ! dep? ( ! cloi/]s1 0 an extrat]re/rial well1 )\t ta9t ( s9 or trace ( art4 ,x 0 an upris+ ( s\ls already fre$ f ! slav]y ( ! fle%1 an explosion ( elevat$ t5d]ness & pure joy1 x 0 also ! idiom ( ! ,*ur*1 a musical gospel appeal+ l ! ,gospel itself at once to ! mo/ ref9$ & ! mo/ humble4 ,ah6 ! true pro( ( ,ca?olicism 0 t art :i* x _h f\nd$1 an art :i* has nev] be5 surpass$2 9 pa9t+ & sculpture ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s1 my/ics 9 poetry & 9 prose1 9 music pla9 *ant1 9 ar*itecture ! ,romanesque & ,go?ic /yles4 ,& all ?is held toge!r & blaz$ 9 "o %eaf1 on "o & ! same alt>2 all 0 reconcil$ 9 "o unique clu/] ( ?\ghts3 to rev]e1 adore & s]ve ! ,disp5s]1 %[+ to ,him reflect$ 9 ! s\l ( ,8 creature1 z 9 a fai?ful mirror1 ! /ill immaculate treasure ( ,8 gifts4 ,!n 9 ^? m>vell\s ,middle ,ages1 :]e9 ,art1 fo/]-*ild ( ! ,*ur*1 encroa*$ on dea? & advanc$ to ! ?re%old ( ,et]nity1 & to ,god1 ! div9e concept & ! heav5ly =m 7 guess$ & half-p]ceiv$1 = ! fir/ & p]haps = ! la/ "t by man4 ,!y answ]$ & e*o$ ea* o!r--art call+ to art4 ,! ,virg9s _h faces almond-%ap$1 elongat$ l ^? ogives :i* ! ,go?ic /yle contriv$ 9 ord] to di/ribute an ascetic light1 a virg9al dawn 9 ! my/]i\s %r9e ( its naves4 ,9 ! pictures ( ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s ! complexion ( holy wom5 becomes transp>5t z ,pas*al wax1 & _! hair is pale z gold5 gra9s ( frank9c5se1 _! *ildlike bosoms sc>cely swell1 _! br[s are r\nd$ l ! glass ( ! pyx1 _! f+]s tap]1 _! bodies %oot upw>ds l delicate columns4 ,_! beauty becomes1 z x 71 liturgical4 ,!y seem to live 9 ! fire ( /a9$ glass1 borr[+ f ! flam+ :irlw9d ( ! rose-w9d[s ! circles ( _! aureoles4 ,! ard5t blue ( _! eyes1 ! dy+ emb]s ( _! lips1 keep+ = _! g>m5ts ! col\rs !y disda9 = _! fle%1 /ripp+ !m ( _! light1 *ang+ !m1 :5 !y transf] !m to /uffs1 into opaque tones :i* aid /ill m by _! contra/ to decl>e ! s]aphic cle>ness ( _! look1 ! griev\s pal5ess ( ! m\?1 to :i*1 accord+ to ! ,prop] ( ! season1 ! sc5t ( ! lily ( ! ,canticles or ! p5it5tial fragrance ( myrrh 9 ! ,psalms l5d _! p]fume4 ,!n among arti/s 0 a coalition ( bra9s1 a weld+ toge!r ( s\ls4 ,pa9t]s associat$ !mselves 9 ! same ideal ( beauty ) ar*itects1 !y unit$ 9 an inde/ructible relation ca!drals & sa9ts1 only rev]s+ ! usual process--!y fram$ ! jewel accord+ to ! %r9e1 & modell$ ! relics = ! reliqu>y4 ,on _! side ! sequ5ces *ant$ by ! ,*ur* _h subtle aff9ities ) ! canvases ( ! ,e>ly ,pa9t]s4 ,vittoria's responses = ,t5ebr are ( a l inspiration & an equal l(t9ess ) ^? ( ,qu5t9 ,matsys' great "w1 ! ,entombm5t ( ,*ri/4 ,! ,reg9a ,coeli ( ! ,flemi% musician ,lasso has ! same good fai?1 ! same simple & /range attraction1 z c]ta9 /atues ( a r]$os1 or religi\s pictures ( ! eld] ,breughel4 ,la/ly1 ! ,mis]]e ( ,josqu9 de ,prs1 *oirma/] ( ,l\is ,,xii41 has1 l ! panels ( ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s ( ,burgundy & ,fl&]s1 a pati5t int5tion1 a /iff1 ?readlike simplicity1 b also x exhales l !m a truly my/ical sav\r1 & its awkw>dness ( outl9e is v t\*+4 ,! ideal ( all ^! works is ! same & atta9$ by diff]5t means4 ,z = pla9 *ant1 ! agreem5t ( its melody ) ar*itecture is also c]ta92 x also b5ds f "t to "t l ! sombre ,romanesque arcades1 & rises1 %ad[y & p5sive1 l complete vault+4 ,! ,de ,pr(undis1 = in/ance1 curves 9 on itself l ^? great gro9s :i* =m ! smoky skeleton ( ! bays2 x is l !m sl[ & d>k1 ext5ds itself only 9 obscurity & moves only 9 ! %ad[ ( ! crypts4 ,sometimes1 on ! o!r h&1 ! ,gregorian *ant seems to borr[ f ,go?ic its fl[]y t5drils1 its scatt]$ p9nacles1 its gauzy rolls1 its tremul\s lace1 its trimm+s light & ?9 z ! voices ( *ildr54 ,!n x passes f "o extreme to ano!r1 f ! amplitude ( sorr[ to an inf9ite joy2 at o!r times aga91 ! pla9 music1 & ! ,*ri/ian music to :i* x gave bir?1 l5d !mselves1 l sculpture1 to ! gaiety ( ! p1 associate !mselves ) simple gladness1 & ! sculptur$ m]rim5t ( ! anci5t por*es2 !y take ! popul> rhy?m ( ! cr[d1 z 9 ! ,*ri/mas c>ol ,ade/e ,fideles & 9 ! ,pas*al hymn ,o ,filii et ,fili2 !y become trivial & famili> l ! ,gospels1 submitt+ !mselves to ! humble wi%es ( ! poor1 l5d+ !m a holiday tune easy to cat*1 a runn+ melody :i* c>ries !m into pure regions :]e ^! simple s\ls c ca/ !mselves at ! indulg5t feet ( ,*ri/4 ,born ( ! ,*ur*1 & br$ up by h] 9 ! *oir-s*ools ( ! ,middle ,ages1 pla9 *ant is ! a]ial & mobile p>aphrase ( ! immovable /ructure ( ! ca!drals2 x is ! immat]ial & fluid int]pretation ( ! canvases ( ! ,e>ly ,pa9t]s2 x is a w+$ translation1 b also ! /rict & unb5d+ /ole ( ^? ,lat9 sequ5ces1 :i* ! monks built up or hew$ out 9 ! cloi/]s 9 ! f>-(f old5 "t4 ,n[ x is *ang$ & disconnect$1 fooli%ly ov]:elm$ by ! cra% ( organs1 & is *ant$1 ,god kn[s h[6 ,mo/ *oirs :5 !y intone x1 l to imitate ! rumbl+ & gurgl+ ( wat]-pipes1 o!rs ! grat+ ( rattles1 ! creak+ ( pullies1 ! gr9d+ ( a crane1 b1 9 spite ( all1 its beauty rema9s1 unext+ui%$1 dull$ ?\gh x be1 by ! wild bell[+ ( ! s+]s4 ,! sudd5 sil5ce 9 ! *ur* r\s$ ,durtal4 ,he rose & look$ ab\t him2 9 8 corn] 0 no "o save two poor wom51 asleep1 _! feet on ! b>s ( *airs1 _! heads on _! knees4 ,lean+ =w>d a little1 he saw1 hang+ above him 9 a d>k *apel1 ! light ( a lamp1 l a ruby 9 its r$ glass2 no s\nd save ! milit>y tread ( ! ,suisse1 mak+ 8 r\nd 9 ! di/ance4 ,durtal sat d[n aga92 ! sweetness ( 8 solitude 0 enhanc$ by ! aromatic p]fume ( wax1 & ! memories1 n[ fa9t1 ( inc5se1 b x 0 sudd5ly brok54 ,z ! fir/ *ords cra%$ on ! organ ,durtal recogniz$ ! ,dies ir1 t despair+ hymn ( ! ,middle ,ages2 in/9ctively he b[$ 8 head & li/5$4 ,?is 0 no m z 9 ! ,de ,pr(undis an humble supplication1 a suff]+ :i* believes x has be5 he>d1 & disc]ns a pa? ( light to guide x 9 ! d>kness1 no long] ! pray] :i* has hope en\gh n to tremble2 x 0 ! cry ( absolute desolation & ( t]ror4 ,&1 inde$1 ! wra? div9e brea!d tempe/u\sly ?r\gh ^! /anzas4 ,!y seem$ address$ less to ! ,god ( m]cy1 to ! ,son :o li/5s to pray]1 ?an to ! inflexible ,fa!r1 to ,him :om ! ,old ,te/am5t %[s u1 ov]come ) ang]1 sc>cely appeas$ by ! smoke ( ! pyres1 ! inconceivable attractions ( burnt-(f]+s4 ,9 ?is *ant x ass]t$ itself /ill m savagely1 = x ?reat5$ to /rike ! wat]s1 & break 9 pieces ! m\nta9s1 & to r5d asund] ! dep?s ( heav5 by ?und]-bolts4 ,& ! e>?1 al>m$1 cri$ out 9 fe>4 ,a cry/all9e voice1 a cle> *ild's voice1 proclaim$ 9 ! nave ! tid+s ( ^! cataclysms1 & aft] ?is ! *oir *ant$ new /rophes :]e9 ! implacable judge came ) %att]+ bl>e ( trumpet1 to purify by fire ! rott5ness ( ! _w4 ,!n1 9 its turn1 a bass1 deep z a vault1 z ?\gh issu+ f ! crypt1 acc5tuat$ ! horror ( ^! prophecies1 made ^! ?reats m ov]:elm+1 & aft] a %ort /ra9 by ! *oir1 an alto repeat$ !m 9 yet m detail4 ,!n1 s soon z ! awful poem _h exhau/$ ! enum]ation ( *a/isem5t & suff]+1 9 %rill tones--! falsetto ( a little boy--! "n ( ,jesus w5t by1 & a light broke 9 on ! ?und]-cl\d1 ! pant+ univ]se cri$ = p>don1 recall+1 by all ! voices ( ! *oir1 ! inf9ite m]cies ( ! ,savi\r1 & ,8 p>don1 plead+ ) ,him = absolution1 z =m]ly ,he _h sp>$ ! p5it5t ?ief & ! ,magdal54 ,b 9 ! same despair+ & head/rong melody ! tempe/ rag$ aga91 dr[n$ ) its waves ! half-se5 %ores ( heav51 & ! solos cont9u$1 disc\rag$1 int]rupt$ by ! recurr5t weep+ ( ! *oir1 giv+1 ) ! div]sity ( voices1 a body to ! special conditions ( %ame1 ! p>ticul> /ates ( fe>1 ! diff]5t ages ( te>s4 ,at la/1 :5 /ill mix$ & bl5d$1 ^! voices _h borne away on ! great wat]s ( ! organ all ! wreckage ( human sorr[s1 all ! buoys ( pray]s & te>s1 !y fell exhau/$1 p>alyz$ by t]ror1 wail+ & sigh+ l a *ild :o hides its face1 /amm]+ ,dona eis requiem1 !y end$1 worn out1 9 an ,am5 s pla9tive1 t x di$ away 9 a brea? above ! sobb+ ( ! organ4 ,:at man c\ld h imag9$ su* despair1 dream$ ( su* disa/]s8 ,& ,durtal made answ] to himself3 ,no man4 ,9 fact ! attempt has be5 va9 to discov] ! au?or bo? ( ! music & ( ! sequ5ce4 ,!y h be5 attribut$ to ,frangipani1 ,?omas ( ,celano1 ,/4 ,b]n>d & a cr[d ( o!rs1 & !y h rema9$ anonym\s1 simply =m$ by ! sad alluvial deposits ( ! age4 ,! ,dies ir seem$ to h1 at fir/1 fall51 l a se$ ( desolation1 among ! di/ract$ s\ls ( ! elev5? c5tury2 x g]m9at$ !re & grew sl[ly1 nurtur$ by ! sap ( angui%1 wat]$ by ! ra9 ( te>s4 ,x 0 at la/ prun$ :5 x seem$ ripe1 & _h1 p]haps1 ?r[n out too _m bran*es1 = 9 "o ( ! e>lie/ kn[n texts1 a /anza1 :i* has s9ce disappe>$1 call$ up ! magnific5t & b>b>\s image ( an e>? revolv+ z x bel*$ =? flames1 :ile ! con/ellations bur/ into %>ds1 & heav5 %rivell$ l a p>*$ scroll4 ,all ?is1 conclud$ ,durtal1 does n prev5t ^! triple /anzas wov5 ( %ad[ & cold1 full ( rev]b]at+ rhymes1 & h>d e*oes1 ?is music ( rude /uff :i* wraps ! phrases l a %r\d1 & masks ! rigid outl9es ( ! "w1 f be+ admirable6 ,yet t *ant :i* con/ra9s1 & r5d]s ) su* en]gy ! bread? ( ! sequ5ce1 t melodic p]iod1 :i* )\t v>iation1 rema9+ always ! same1 succe$s 9 express+ by turns pray] & t]ror1 moves me less ?an ! ',de ,pr(undis1' :i* yet has n its gr&iose spaci\sness nor t arti/ic cry ( despair4 ,b *ant$ to ! organ ! psalm is e>?y & suffocat+4 ,x comes f out ! v dep?s ( ! sepul*re1 :ile ! ',dies ir' has its s\rce only on ! sill ( ! tomb4 ,! fir/ is ! v voice ( ! dead1 ! second t ( ! liv+ :o int] him1 & ! dead man weeps1 b takes c\rage a little1 :5 ^? t bury him despair4 ,to sum up1 ,durtal conclud$1 ,i pref] ! text ( ! ',dies ir' to t ( ! ',de ,pr(undis1' & ! melody ( ! ',de ,pr(undis' to t ( ! ',dies ir4' ,x is true also t ?is la/ sequ5ce is mod]niz$1 & *ant$ !atrically "h1 )\t ! impos+ & ne$ful m>* ( unison4 ,?is "t1 = in/ance1 x is devoid ( int]e/1 he cont9u$1 ceas+ 8 ?\ghts = a mom5t1 to li/5 to ! piece ( mod]n music :i* ! *oir 0 j !n r5d]+4 ,ah1 :o w take on himself to proscribe t p]t my/icism1 ^? fonts ( toilet-wat] :i* ,g\nod inv5t$6444 ,!re ought inde$ to be a/oni%+ p5alties = *oir ma/]s :o all[ su* musical effem9acy 9 *ur*4 ,?is is1 z x 0 ?is morn+ at ! ,madele9e1 :5 ,i happ5$ to be pres5t at ! int]m9able fun]al ( an old bank]2 !y play$ a milit>y m>* ) viol9 & violoncello accompanim5ts1 ) trumpets & timbrels1 a h]oic & worldly m>* to celebrate ! dep>ture & ! decomposition ( a f9anci]6444 ,x is too absurd4 ,& li/5+ no m to ! music 9 ,/4 ,sulpice1 ,durtal transf]r$ himself 9 ?\ght to ! ,madele9e1 & w5t (f at full spe$ 9 8 dreams4 ,inde$1 he said to himself1 ! cl]gy make ,jesus l a t\ri/1 :5 !y invite ,him daily to come d[n into t *ur* ^: ext]ior is surm\nt$ by no cross1 & ^: int]ior is l ! gr& reception-room at an hotel4 ,b h[ c y make ^? prie/s und]/& t ugl9ess is sacrilege1 & t no?+ is equal to ! frightful s9 ( ?is confusion ( ,romanesque & ,greek1 ^! pictures ( ag$ m51 t flat ceil+ /udd$ ) skylights1 f :i* filt] 9 all wea!rs ! spoil$ gleams ( a ra9y day1 to t futile alt> surm\nt$ by a circle ( angels :o1 9 discreet ab&onm5t1 dance 9 hon\r ( our ,lady1 a motionless m>ble rigadoon8 ,yet 9 ! ,madele9e1 at a fun]al1 :5 ! door op5s1 & ! corpse advances 9 a gap ( daylight1 all is *ang$4 ,l a sup]t]re/rial antiseptic1 an extrahuman dis9fectant1 ! liturgy purifies & cleanses ! impi\s ugl9ess ( ! place4 ,& ?9k+ ov] 8 memories ( ! morn+1 ,durtal saw aga91 z he clos$ 8 eyes1 at ! end ( ! semicircul> apse1 ! procession ( r$ & black robes1 :ite surplices1 jo9+ 9 front ( ! alt>1 desc5d+ ! /eps toge!r1 mak+ _! way toge!r to ! catafalque1 divid+ aga9 on ea* aide1 jo9+ to mix afre% 9 ! great gangway betwe5 ! *airs4 ,?is sl[ & sil5t procession1 l$ by incomp>able ,suisses1 9 m\rn+1 _! swords horizontal1 & a g5]al's epaulets 9 jet1 advanc$1 prec$$ by a cross1 9 front ( ! corpse laid on tressels1 & f>-(f 9 all t confusion ( lights fall+ f ! ro(1 & light$ flambeaux r\nd ! catafalque & on ! alt>1 ! :ite ( ! tap]s disappe>$1 & ! prie/s :o bore !m seem$ to m>* ) empty h&s uplift$ z ?\gh to po9t out ! />s :i* accompani$ !m1 tw9kl+ above _! heads4 ,!n :5 ! bi] 0 surr\nd$ by ! cl]gy1 ! ,de ,pr(undis bur/ =? f ! dep?s ( ! sanctu>y1 inton$ by invisible s+]s4 ,t 0 good1 said ,durtal to himself4 ,at ! ,madele9e ! voices ( ! *ildr5 are %>p & feeble1 & ! basses are badly tra9$ & fail+2 we are evid5tly f> f ! *oir ( ,/4 ,sulpice1 b all ! same x 0 sup]b2 !n :at a mom5t 0 t ( ! prie/s' communion1 :5 sudd5ly aris+ f ! murmur+ ( ! *oir1 ! voice ( ! t5or ?rew above ! corpse ! magnific5t pla9 *ant antiphon-- ,requiem t]nam dona eis ,dom9e ,et lux p]petua luceat eis4 ,x seems t aft] all ! lam5tations ( ! ,de ,pr(undis & ! ,dies ir1 ! pres5ce ( ,god1 :o comes !n ^u ! alt>1 br+s consolation1 & sanctions ! confid5t & solemn pride ( t melodi\s phrase1 :i* !n invokes ,*ri/1 )\t dread & )\t te>s4 ,! mass end$1 ! celebrant disappe>$1 &1 z at ! mom5t :5 ! corpse ent]$1 ! cl]gy1 prec$$ by ! ,suisses1 advanc$ t[>ds ! body1 & 9 ! blaz+ circle ( ! tap]s1 a prie/1 9 8 cope1 said ! mighty pray]s ( ! g5]al absolution4 ,!n ! liturgy took a high] tone1 & became /ill m admirable4 ,m$iative betwe5 ! s9n] & ! judge1 ! ,*ur*1 by ! m\? ( h] prie/1 implores ! ,"l to p>don ! poor s\l3 ,non intres 9 judicium cum s]vo tuo ,dom9e--!n aft] ! am5 giv5 by ! organ & all ! *oir1 a voice arose 9 ! sil5ce1 & spoke 9 ! "n ( ! dead3-- ,lib]a me6 & ! *oir cont9u$ ! old *ant ( ! t5? c5tury4 ,j z 9 ! ,dies ir1 :i* appropriates to itself fragm5ts ( ^! pla9ts1 ! ,la/ ,judgm5t flam$ out1 & pitiless responses decl>e to ! dead ! reality ( 8 al>ms1 decl>e to him t at ! end ( ,"t ! ,judge w come ) ! cra% ( ?und] to *a/ise ! _w4 ,! prie/ m>*$ r\nd ! catafalque1 spr9kl+ x ) beads ( holy wat]1 inc5s$ x1 gave %elt] to ! poor weep+ s\l1 consol$ x1 took x to himself1 cov]$ x1 z x 71 ) 8 cope1 & aga91 int]v5$ to pray t1 aft] s mu* we>9ess & sorr[1 ! ,"l w p]mit ! unhappy "o to sleep ! sleep t kn[s no wak+1 f> f e>?'s noises4 ,nev]1 9 any religion1 has a m *>itable "p1 a m augu/ mission be5 assign$ to man4 ,lift$1 by 8 consecration1 :olly above humanity1 almo/ deifi$ by ! sac]dotal (fice1 ! prie/1 :ile e>? lam5ts or is sil5t1 c advance to ! br9k ( ! abyss1 & int]c$e = ! be+ :om ! ,*ur* has baptiz$ z an infant1 :o has no d\bt =gott5 h] s9ce t day1 & may ev5 h p]secut$ h] up to ! h\r ( 8 dea?4 ,nor does ! ,*ur* %r9k f ! task4 ,be=e t fle%ly du/ heap$ 9 a *e/1 %e ?9ks ( t sewage ( ! s\l1 & cries3 ,f ! gates ( hell deliv] him1 ,o ,"l6 b at ! end ( ! g5]al absolution1 at ! mom5t :5 ! procession1 turn+ its back1 is on ! way to ! sacri/y1 %e too seems disquiet$4 ,p]haps recall+ 9 an in/ant1 ! ill de$s done by t body :ile x 0 alive1 %e seem$ to d\bt if h] supplications 7 he>d1 & ! d\bt h] words w\ld n frame1 pass$ into ! intonation ( ! la/ am51 murmur$ at ! ,madele9e1 by *ildr5's voices4 ,timid & di/ant1 pla9tive & sweet1 ?is am5 said3 ,we h done :at we c\ld1 b 444 b 444 ,& 9 ! fun]eal sil5ce :i* foll[$ ! cl]gy leav+ ! nave1 !re rema9$ only ! ignoble reality ( ! empty husk1 lift$ 9 ! arms ( m51 ?ru/ into a c>riage1 l ! refuse ( ! %ambles c>t$ (f ea* morn+ to be made into soap at ! factories4 ,if1 cont9u$ ,durtal1 9 opposition to ^! sad pray]s1 ^! eloqu5t absolutions1 we call up be=e u a m>riage mass1 all is *ang$4 ,!re ! ,*ur* is dis>m$ & h] musical liturgy is z n\ght4 ,!n %e may well play ,m5delssohn's ,w$d+ ,m>*1 & borr[ f pr(ane au?ors ! gaiety ( _! songs to celebrate ! brief & empty joy ( ! body4 ,imag9e1 & inde$ x happ5s1 ! canticle ( ! ,virg9 us$ to magnify ! glad impati5ce ( a bride4 ,fancy ! ,te ,deum1 to hymn ! bless$ness ( a bridegroom6 ,f> away f ?is infam\s b>t] ( ! fle%1 pla9 *ant rema9s %ut up 9 ! antiphon>ies1 l a monk 9 ! cloi/]1 & :5 x goes =?1 x is to ca/ up be=e ,*ri/ 8 g>n]$ pa9s & sorr[s4 ,x ga!rs & sums !m up 9 admirable supplications1 & if1 fatigu$ ) plead+ x adores1 its impulse is to glorify et]nal ev5ts1 ,palm ,sunday & ,ea/]1 ,p5teco/ & ! ,asc5sion1 ,epiphany & ,*ri/mas1 !n its joy bur/s =? s magnific5tly1 t x spr+s beyond ! _w to %[ its ec/atic joy at ! feet ( ,god4 ,z to ! v c]emonies ( ! fun]al1 !y are n[ only ! regul> way ( gett+ money1 an (ficial r\t9e1 a pray]-:eel :i* is turn$ me*anically )\t ?\ght ( x4 ,! organi/ :ile he plays ?9ks ( 8 family1 & consid]s h[ we>i$ he is2 ! bell[s-bl[] ?9ks1 z he fills ! pipes1 ( ! half-p9t :i* w dry 8 sweat2 ! t5ors & basses are c>eful ( _! effects1 & admire !mselves 9 ! m or less rippl$ wat] ( _! voices2 ! *oir boys dream ( _! scamp]s aft] mass2 &1 moreov]1 n "o ( !m at all und]/&s a ^w ( ! ,lat9 !y s+ & abridge1 z = in/ance ! ,dies ir1 ( :i* !y suppress a "p ( ! /anzas4 ,9 its turn beadl$om calculates ! sum ! dead man br+s 91 & ev5 ! prie/1 we>i$ ) ! pray]s ( :i* he has read s _m1 & ne$+ 8 breakfa/1 prays me*anically f ! lips outw>d1 :ile ! assi/ants are 9 a hurry t ! mass to :i* !y h n li/5$ %\ld come to an end1 t !y may %ake h&s ) ! relations1 & leave ! dead4 ,!re is absolute inatt5tion1 pr(\nd we>9ess4 ,yet h[ t]rible is t ?+ on ! tressels t is wait+ !re 9 ! *ur*1 t empty dwell+-place1 t body :i* is already break+ up4 ,liquid manure t /9ks1 gases :i* evaporate1 fle% t rots is all t rema9s6 ,& ! s\l1 n[ t life is ov]1 & all beg9s8 ,no "o ?9ks ( x1 n ev5 ! family worn out by ! l5g? ( ! s]vice1 absorb$ 9 _! own sorr[2 :o 9 fact regret only ! visible pres5ce ( ! be+ !y h lo/2 no "o except myself1 ?\ght ,durtal1 & a few curi\s p1 :o associate !mselves 9 _! al>m ) ! ,dies ir & ! ,lib]a1 ( :i* !y und]/& bo? ! language & ! mean+4 ,!n by ! ext]nal s\nd ( ! words1 )\t ! aid ( contemplation1 )\t ev5 ! help ( ?\ght1 ! ,*ur* acts4 ,!re x is1 ! miracle ( h] liturgy1 ! p[] ( h] ^w1 ! con/antly r5ew$ prodigy ( phrases creat$ by revolv+ "t1 ( pray]s arrang$ by ages :i* are dead4 ,all has pass$1 no?+ exi/s t 0 rais$ up 9 ^? bygone times4 ,yet ^? sequ5ces rema9 intact1 cri$ al\d by indiff]5t voices & ca/ out f empty he>ts1 plead1 groan1 & implore ev5 ) efficacy1 by _! virtual p[]1 _! talismanic might1 _! inali5able beauty by ! almighty confid5ce ( _! fai?4 ,! ,middle ,ages h left u ^! to help u to save1 if x may be1 ! s\l ( ! mod]n & dead f9e g5tleman4 ,at ! pres5t "t1 conclud$ ,durtal1 !re is no?+ left peculi> to ,p>is1 b ! c]emonies1 v l ea* o!r1 ( tak+ ! veil & ( fun]als4 ,x is un=tunate t :5 we h to d ) a sumptu\s corpse1 und]tak]s h _! way4 ,!y !n br+ out _! t]rible uphol/]y1 plat$ /atues ( our ,lady 9 atroci\s ta/e1 z9c bas9s 9 :i* blaze b[ls ( gre5 pun*1 t9 c&elabra at ! end ( a bran*1 l a cannon on end ) its m\? upw>ds1 support+ spid]s on _! backs1 ) burn+ c&les set ab\t _! legs1 all ! fun]al ironmong]y ( ! ,fir/ ,empire1 ) curta9 rods 9 relief1 acan?us leaves1 w+$ h\r-glasses1 loz5ges & ,greek frets4 ,x is un=tunate1 too1 t to t\* up ! mis]able furniture ( ^! c]emonies !y play ,mass5et & ,dubois1 ,b5jam9 ,god>d & ,widor1 or1 worse /ill1 ! sacri/y or*e/ra1 my/ical bell[+1 su* z ! wom5 s+1 :o are affiliat$ to ! confrat]nities ( ! mon? ( ,may4 ,& alas1 we he> no long] ! tempe/s ( ! great organs & ! maje/ic dol\rs ( pla9 *ant1 save at ! fun]als ( ! moni$ classes2 = ! poor1 no?+--no *oir1 no organ1 j a h&ful ( pray]s1 !n a few dips ( ! bru% 9 ! holy wat] /\p1 & !re is a dead man ! m on :om ! ra9 falls1 :o is c>ri$ away4 ,b ! ,*ur* kn[s t ! c>rion ( ! ri* rots z mu* z t ( ! poor1 :ile 8 s\l /9ks m1 b %e jobs indulg5ces & haggles ab\t masses2 %e1 ev5 %e1 is consum$ by ! lu/ ( gold4 ,yet ,i mu/ n ?9k too ill ( ^! weal?y fools1 said ,durtal1 aft] sil5t ?\ght1 = aft] all x is ?anks to !m t ,i c he> ! admirable liturgy ( ! burial s]vice1 ^! p :o p]haps h done no good action 9 _! life1 d at lea/ ?is k9dness to a few1 )\t kn[+ x1 aft] _! dea?4 ,a noise recall$ him to ,/4 ,sulpice2 ! *oir 0 go+1 ! *ur* 0 ab\t to close4 ,i might z well h tri$ to pray1 he said to himself1 x w\ld h be5 bett] ?an to dream 9 ! empty *ur* on a *air4 ,pray inde$8 ,i h no desire = x4 ,i am haunt$ by ,ca?olicism1 intoxicat$ by its atmosph]e ( inc5se & wax1 ,i pr[l ab\t x1 mov$ ev5 to te>s by its pray]s1 t\*$ ev5 to ! m>r[ by its psalms & *ants4 ,i am ?or\ghly disgu/$ ) my life1 v tir$ ( myself1 b x is a f> cry f t to lead+ a diff]5t exi/5ce6 ,& yet--& yet 444 ,if ,i am p]turb$ 9 ^! *apels1 ,i become unmov$ & dry aga91 z soon z ,i leave !m4 ,aft] all1 he said to himself1 gett+ up1 & foll[+ ! few p]sons :o 7 mov+ t[>ds a door1 driv5 out by ! ,suisse1 aft] all1 my he>t is h>d5$ & smoke-dri$ by dissipation1 ,i am good = no?+4 ,,*apt] ,,ii4 ,h[ _h he aga9 become a ,ca?olic1 & got to ?is po9t8 ,durtal answ]$ himself3 ,i _c tell1 all t ,i "k is t1 hav+ be5 = ye>s an unbeliev]1 ,i sudd5ly believe4 ,let u see1 he said to himself1 let u try at lea/ to consid] if1 h[ev] great ! obscurity ( su* a subject1 !re be n common s5se 9 x4 ,aft] all1 my surprise dep5ds on preconceiv$ ideas ( conv]sions4 ,i h he>d ( sudd5 & viol5t crises ( ! s\l1 ( a ?und]bolt1 or ev5 ( fai? explod+ at la/ 9 gr\nd sl[ly & clev]ly m9$4 ,x is q evid5t t conv]sions may happ5 9 "o or o!r ( ^! two ways1 = ,god acts z may seem good to ,him1 b !re mu/ be also a ?ird means1 & ?is no d\bt ! mo/ usual1 :i* ! ,savi\r has us$ 9 my case4 ,& ,i "k n 9 :at ?is consi/s2 x is some?+ analog\s to dige/ion 9 a /oma*1 :i* works ?\gh we d n feel x4 ,!re has be5 no road to ,damascus1 no ev5ts to br+ ab\t a crisis2 no?+ has happ5$1 we awake "s f9e morn+1 &1 )\t kn[+ h[ or :y1 ! ?+ is done4 ,yes1 b 9 fact ?is manoeuvre is v l t ( ! m9e :i* only explodes aft] x has be5 deeply dug4 ,yet n s1 = 9 t case ! op]ations are mat]ial1 ! objections 9 ! way are resolv$2 ,i might h reason$1 foll[$ ! c\rse ( ! sp>k along ! ?read1 b 9 ?is case1 no6 ,i sprang unexpect$ly1 )\t w>n+1 )\t ev5 hav+ suspect$ t ,i 0 s c>efully sapp$4 ,nor 0 x a clap ( ?und]1 unless ,i admit t a clap ( ?und] c1 be occult & sil5t1 /range & g5tle4 ,& ?is aga9 w\ld be untrue1 = sudd5 disord] ( ! s\l almo/ always foll[s a mis=tune or a crime1 an act ( :i* we are aw>e4 ,no1 ! "o ?+ :i* seems c]ta91 9 my case1 is t !re has be5 div9e impulse1 grace4 ,b1 said he1 9 t case ! psy*ology ( conv]sion is wor?less1 & he made answ] to himself1-- ,t seems to be s1 = ,i seek 9 va9 to retrace ! /ages ?r\gh :i* ,i h pass$2 no d\bt ,i c di/+ui% "h & !re "s l&m>ks on ! road ,i h travell$3 love ( art1 h]$ity1 we>9ess ( life2 ,i c ev5 recall "s ( ! =gott5 s5sations ( *ildhood1 ! subt]ranean work+s ( ideas excit$ by my visits to ! *ur*es2 b ,i am unable to ga!r ^! ?reads toge!r1 & gr\p !m 9 a ske91 ,i _c und]/& ! sudd5 & sil5t explosion ( light :i* took place 9 me4 ,:5 ,i seek to expla9 to myself h[ "o ev5+ an unbeliev]1 ,i became )\t kn[+ x1 on "o night a believ]1 ,i c discov] no?+1 = ! div9e action has vani%$1 & left no trace4 ,x is c]ta91 he cont9u$1 aft] sil5t ?\ght1 t 9 ^! cases ! ,virg9 acts ^u u1 x is %e :o m\lds & places u 9 ! h&s ( h] ,son1 b h] f+]s are s light1 s supple1 s c>ess+1 t ! s\l !y h h&l$ has felt no?+4 ,on ! o!r h&1 if ,i ignore ! c\rse & /ages ( my conv]sion1 ,i c at lea/ guess ! motives :i*1 aft] a life ( indiff]5ce1 h br\ght me into ! h>b\rs ( ! ,*ur*1 made me w&] r\nd ab\t h] bord]s1 & f9ally gave me a %ove f beh9d to br+ me 94 ,& he said to himself1 )\t m ado1 !re are ?ree causes3-- ,fir/1 ! atavism ( an old & pi\s family1 scatt]$ among ! mona/]ies2 & ! memories ( *ildhood return$ to him1 ( c\s9s1 ( aunts1 se5 9 conv5t p>l\rs2 g5tle wom5 & grave1 :ite z waf]s1 :o al>m$ him by _! l[ voices1 :o tr\bl$ him by _! looks1 & ask$ if he 7 a good boy4 ,he felt a sort ( t]ror1 & hid himself 9 8 "m's skirts1 trembl+ :5 he w5t away1 & 0 oblig$ to b5d 8 br[ to ^? col\rless lips1 & und]go ! t\* ( a *illy kiss4 ,n[ t he ?\ght ( !m at a di/ance1 ! int]views :i* _h we>i$ him s mu* 9 8 *ildhood1 seem$ to him *>m+4 ,he put into !m all ! poetry ( ! cloi/]1 clo!d ^? b>e p>l\rs ) a fad$ sc5t ( wa9scott+ & ( wax1 & he saw aga9 ! conv5t g>d5s ?r\gh :i* he _h pass$1 impregnat$ ) ! bitt] salt sc5t ( box1 plant$ ) clipp$ h$ges1 int]m+l$ ) trellises1 ^: gre5 grapes nev] rip5$1 divid$ by b5*es ^: m\ld]+ /one kept ! traces worn by wat]2 & a ?\s& details came back to him ( ^? sil5t lime alleys1 ( ! pa?s :]e he ran 9 ! int]lac$ %ade :i* bran*es ?rew ^u ! gr\nd4 ,^! g>d5s _h seem$ to him to become l>g] z he grew old]1 & he reta9$ a some:at confus$ memory ( !m1 amid :i* 0 ! vague recollection ( an old /ately p>k1 & ( a presbyt]y or*>d 9 ! nor?1 always some:at damp1 ev5 :5 ! sun %one4 ,x 0 n surpris+ t ^! s5sations1 trans=m$ by "t1 _h left 9 him "s traces ( pi\s ?\ght1 :i* grew deep] z 8 m9d embelli%$ !m2 all ?is might h f]m5t$ indi/9ctly = ?irty ye>s1 & n[ began to "w4 ,b ! two o!r causes :i* he knew1 mu/ h be5 /ill m active4 ,^! 7 8 disgu/ = 8 life1 & 8 passion = art2 & ! disgu/ 0 c]ta9ly aggravat$ by 8 solitude & 8 idl5ess4 ,aft] hav+1 9 old days1 made fri5ds by *ance1 & hav+ tak5 ! impression ( s\ls :i* _h no?+ 9 common ) 8 own1 he _h at la/ *os5 aft] mu* useless vagabondage2 he _h become ! intimate fri5d ( a c]ta9 ,doctor des ,h]mies1 a physician1 :o devot$ mu* att5tion to demoniac possession & to my/icism1 & ( a ,breton1 nam$ ,c>haix1 ! bell-r+] at ,/4 ,sulpice4 ,^! fri5d%ips 7 n l ^? he _h =m]ly made1 entirely sup]ficial & ext]nal1 !y 7 wide & deep1 bas$ on simil>ity ( ?\ght1 & ! indissoluble ties ( s\l1 & ^! _h be5 r\ghly brok52 )9 two mon?s ( ea* o!r ,des ,h]mies & ,c>haix di$1 ! =m] ( typhoid fev]1 ! latt] ( a *ill t pro/rat$ him 9 8 t[]1 aft] he _h rung ! ev5+ ,angelus4 ,^! 7 frightful bl[s = ,durtal4 ,8 life1 n[ )\t an an*or1 drift$2 he w&]$ all a/ray1 decl>+ to himself t ?is desolation 0 f9al1 s9ce he _h rea*$ an age at :i* new fri5ds are n made4 ,s he liv$ alone1 ap>t among 8 books1 b ! solitude :i* he bore bravely1 :5 he 0 occupi$1 :5 he 0 writ+ a book1 became intol]able to him n[ t he 0 idle4 ,he l\ng$ 9 an arm-*air 9 ! aft]noons1 & ab&on$ himself to 8 dreams3 !n1 especially1 fix$ ideas took hold on him1 & ^! end$ by play+ pantomimes ( :i* ! sc5es nev] v>i$ beh9d ! l[]$ curta9 ( 8 eyes4 ,nude figures danc$ 9 8 bra9 to ! tune ( psalms1 & he woke f ^! dreams weak & pant+1 ready1 if a prie/ _h be5 !re1 to ?r[ himself at 8 feet ) te>s1 j z he w\ld h ab&on$ himself to ! base/ pleasures1 _h ! temptation sudd5ly come to him4 ,let me *ase away ^! phantoms by "w1 he cri$4 ,b at :at %\ld he "w8 ,he _h j publi%$ ! ,life ( ,gilles de ,rais1 :i* might int]e/ a few arti/s1 & he n[ rema9$ )\t a subject1 on ! hunt = a book4 ,z1 9 art1 he 0 a man ( extremes1 he always w5t f "o excess to ! o!r1 & aft] hav+ div$ into ! ,satanism ( ! ,middle ,ages1 9 8 acc\nt ( ,m>%al de ,rais1 he saw no?+ s int]e/+ to inve/igate z ! life ( a sa9t4 ,"s l9es :i* he _h discov]$ 9 ,grres' & ,ribet's ,/udies 9 ,my/icism _h put him on ! trace ( a c]ta9 ,bless$ ,lidw9e 9 se>* ( new docum5ts4 ,b admitt+ t he c\ld une>? any?+ ab\t h]1 c\ld he write ! life ( a sa9t8 ,he did n believe x1 & ! argum5ts on :i* he bas$ 8 op9ion seem$ plausible4 ,hagiography 0 n[ a lo/ bran* ( art1 z completely lo/ z wood c>v+1 & ! m9iatures ( ! old missals4 ,n[adays x is only treat$ by *ur* (fic]s & prie/s1 by ^? /yli/ic ag5ts :o seem :5 !y write to put ! embryos ( _! ideas on balla/ trucks1 & 9 _! h&s x has become a commonplace ( goody-goody1 a translation into a book ( ! /atuettes ( ,froc ,rob]t1 & ! col\r$ images ( ,b\asse4 ,! way !n 0 free1 & x seem$ at fir/ easy en\gh to plan x out1 b to extract ! *>m ( ! leg5ds ne$$ ! simple language ( bygone c5turies1 ! +5u\s phrases ( ! days t are dead4 ,:o 9 our "t c express ! melan*oly ess5ce1 ! pale p]fume ( ! anci5t translations ( ! ,gold5 ,leg5d ( ,vorag9e1 h[ b9d 9 "o bright posy ! pla9tive fl[]s1 :i* ! monks cultivat$ 9 _! cloi/]$ enclosures1 :5 hagiography 0 ! si/] ( ! b>b>ic & delightful art ( ! illum9ators & glass /a9]s1 ( ! ard5t & *a/e pa9t+s ( ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s8 ,yet we may n ?9k ( giv+ ourselves ov] to /udi\s imitations1 nor coldly attempt to ape su* works z ^!4 ,! "q rema9s1 :e!r we c ) ! pres5t arti/ic res\rces1 succe$ 9 sett+ up ! humble yet l(ty figure ( a sa9t2 & ?is is at lea/ d\btful1 = ! lack ( real simplicity1 ! ov]-+5i\s art ( /yle1 ! tricks ( c>eful design & ! false craft ( col\r w\ld probably trans=m ! elect lady into a /roll+ play]4 ,%e w\ld be no long] a sa9t1 b an actress :o r5d]$ ! "p m or less adroitly2 & !n ! *>m w\ld be de/roy$1 ! miracles w\ld seem me*anical1 ! episodes w\ld be absurd1 !n 444 !n 444 "o mu/ h a lively fai?1 & believe 9 ! sanctity ( "o's h]o9e1 if "o w\ld try to exhume h]1 & put h] alive aga9 9 a book4 ,?is is s true t we may exam9e ,gu/ave ,flaub]t's admirable pages on ! leg5d ( ,/4 ,julian ! ,hospitall]4 ,_! developm5t is l a dazzl+ yet regulat$ tumult1 evolv$ 9 sup]b language ^: app>5t simplicity is only due to ! complicat$ +5uity ( consummate skill4 ,all is !re1 all except ! acc5t :i* w\ld h made ?is "w a true ma/]piece4 ,giv5 ! subject1 ! fire :i* %\ld c\rse ?r\gh ^! magnific5t phrases is abs5t1 !re lacks ! cry ( ! love t fa9ts1 ! gift ( ! sup]human exile1 ! my/ical s\l4 ,on ! o!r h&1 ,hello's ,physionomies de ,sa9ts are wor? read+4 ,fai? fla%es out 9 ea* ( 8 portraits1 en?usiasm runs ov] 9 ea* *apt]1 unexpect$ allusions =m deep res]voirs ( ?\ght betwe5 ! l9es2 b aft] all ,hello 0 s little ( an arti/ t ! faire/ leg5ds fade :5 8 f+]s t\* !m2 ! meanness ( 8 /yle impov]i%es ! miracles & r5d]s !m ineffectual4 ,! art is lack+ :i* w\ld rescue ! book f ! category ( pale & dead publications4 ,! example ( ^! two m51 9 complete opposition z ev] writ]s 71 nei!r ( :om atta9$ p]fection1 "o 9 ! leg5d ( ,/4 ,julian because fai? 0 want+1 ! o!r because 8 art 0 poor & n>r[1 ?or\ghly disc\rag$ ,durtal4 ,he ought to be bo? at once1 & yet rema9 himself1 if n1 !re 0 no good 9 buckl+ to = su* a task1 x 7 bett] to be sil5t2 & he ?rew himself back 9 8 *air sull5 & hopeless4 ,!n ! contempt ( 8 desolate life grew ^u him1 & once m he wond]$ :at int]e/ ,provid5ce c\ld h 9 ?us torm5t+ ! desc5dants ( ! fir/ convicts4 ,if !re 7 no answ]1 he 0 oblig$ to admit t ! ,*ur* 9 ^! disa/]s ga!r$ up ! waifs1 %elt]$ ! %ipwreck$1 br\ght !m home aga91 & assur$ !m a re/+-place4 ,no m ?an ,s*op5hau]1 :om he _h once admir$1 b ^: plan ( labell+ e "o be=e dea? & ^: h]b>ium ( dry sorr[s _h we>i$ him1 has ! ,*ur* deceiv$ man1 nor s\ght to decoy him1 by boa/+ ! m]cy ( a life :i* %e knew to be ignoble4 ,9 all h] inspir$ books %e proclaims ! horror ( fate1 & m\rns ov] ! en=c$ task ( liv+4 ,ecclesia/icus1 ,ecclesia/es1 ! book ( ,job1 ! ,lam5tations ( ,j]emias manife/ ?is sorr[ 9 _! e l9e1 & ! ,middle ,ages too 9 ! ,imitation ( ,jesus ,*ri/ curs$ exi/5ce1 & cri$ out l\dly = dea?4 ,m pla9ly ?an ,s*op5hau] ! ,*ur* decl>$ t !re is no?+ to wi% = "h bel[1 no?+ to expect1 b :]e ! m]e catalogues ( ! philosoph] /op1 ! ,*ur* w5t on1 ov]pass+ ! limits ( ! s5ses1 decl>$ ! end ( man1 & def9$ 8 limitations4 ,!n1 he said to himself1 if x be well consid]$1 ! vaunt$ argum5t ( ,s*op5hau] aga9/ ! ,creator1 drawn f ! mis]y & inju/ice ( ! _w1 is n irrefutable1 = ! _w is n z ,god made x1 b z man has refa%ion$ x4 ,be=e accus+ heav5 = our ills1 x is1 no d\bt1 fitt+ to exam9e ?r\gh :at phases ( cons5t1 ?r\gh :at volunt>y falls ! creature has pass$1 be=e end+ 9 ! gloomy disa/] x deplores4 ,we may well curse ! vices ( our ance/ors & our own passions :i* beget ! great] "p ( ! woes f :i* we suff]2 we may well loa! ! civilization :i* has r5d]$ life intol]able to cleanly s\ls1 & n ! ,"l1 :o1 p]haps1 did n create u to be %ot d[n by cannon 9 "t ( w>1 to be *eat$1 robb$1 & /ripp$ 9 "t ( peace1 by ! slave driv]s ( comm]ce & ! brig&s ( ! money m>ket4 ,b t :i* rema9s = ev] incompreh5sible is ! initial horror1 ! horror impos$ on ea* ( u1 ( hav+ to live1 & t is a my/]y no philosophy c expla94 ,ah6 he w5t on1 :5 ,i ?9k ( t horror1 t disgu/ ( exi/5ce :i* has = ye>s & ye>s increas$ 9 me1 ,i und]/& h[ ,i am =c$ to make = ! ,*ur*1 ! only port :]e ,i c f9d %elt]4 ,once ,i despis$ h]1 because ,i _h a /aff on :i* to lean :5 ! great w9ds ( we>9ess blew2 ,i believ$ 9 my novels1 ,i work$ at my hi/ory1 ,i _h my art4 ,i h come to recognize its absolute inadequacy1 its complete incapacity to af=d happ9ess4 ,!n ,i und]/ood t ,pessimism 01 at mo/1 good to console ^? :o _h no real ne$ ( com=t2 ,i und]/ood t its !ories1 allur+ :5 we are "y1 & ri*1 & well1 become s+ul>ly weak & lam5tably false1 :5 age advances1 :5 infirmities decl>e !mselves1 :5 all ar\nd is crumbl+4 ,i w5t to ! *ur*1 t hospital = s\ls4 ,!re1 at lea/1 !y take y 91 put y to b$ & nurse y1 !y d n m]ely turn _! backs on y z 9 ! w>ds ( ,pessimism & tell y ! "n ( y\r disease4 ,f9ally ,durtal _h be5 br\ght back to religion by art4 ,m ev5 ?an 8 disgu/ = life1 art _h be5 ! irresi/ible magnet :i* drew him to ,god4 ,! day1 :5 out ( curiosity & to kill "t1 he _h ent]$ a *ur*1 & aft] s _m ye>s ( =getfulness1 _h he>d ! ,vesp]s = ! dead fall heavily1 psalm aft] psalm1 9 antiphonal *ant1 z ! s+]s ?rew up1 l dit*]s1 _! %ovelful ( v]ses1 8 s\l _h be5 %ak5 to its dep?s4 ,! ev5+s :5 he _h li/5$ at ,/4 ,sulpice to ! admirable *ant+ dur+ ! ,octave ( ,all ,s\ls1 he _h felt himself caught once = all2 b t :i* _h put mo/ pressure on him1 & br\ght him yet m completely into bondage 7 ! c]emonies & music ( ,holy ,week4 ,he _h visit$ ! *ur*es dur+ t week2 & !y _h op5$ to him l palaces ru9$1 l cemet]ies laid wa/e by ,god4 ,!y 7 =bidd+ ) _! veil$ images1 _! crucifixes wrapp$ loz5ge-wise 9 purple1 _! organs dumb1 _! bells sil5t4 ,! cr[d fl[$ 91 busy1 b noiseless1 along ! floor ov] ! imm5se cross =m$ by ! nave & ! two transepts1 & ent]+ by ! w\nds ( :i* ! doors 7 figures1 !y w5t up to ! alt>1 :]e ! blood-/a9$ head ( ,*ri/ w\ld lie1 & !re on _! knees eag]ly kiss$ ! crucifix :i* m>k$ ! place ( ! *9 bel[ ! /eps4 ,& ! cr[d itself1 z x ran 9 ! cruci=m m\ld ( ! *ur*1 became itself an enorm\s cross1 liv+ & crawl+1 sil5t & sombre4 ,at ,/4 ,sulpice1 :]e ! :ole assembl$ sem9>y lam5t$ ! ignom9y ( human ju/ice & ! =e-orda9$ dea? ( a ,god1 ,durtal _h foll[$ ! incomp>able (fices ( ^? m\rnful days1 ?r\gh all _! black m9utes1 _h li/5$ to ! inf9ite sadness ( ! ,passion1 s nobly & pr(\ndly express$ at ,t5ebr by ! sl[ *ant+ ( ! ,lam5tations & ! ,psalms1 b :5 he ?\ght x ov]1 t :i* above all made him %udd] 0 ! ?\ght ( ! ,virg9 com+ on ! sc5e on ! ,?ursday at nightfall4 ,! ,*ur*1 till !n absorb$ 9 h] sorr[1 & pro/rate be=e ! ,cross1 rais$ h]self & fell a-weep+ on behold+ ! ,"m4 ,by all ! voices ( ! *oir1 x press$ r\nd ,m>y1 endeav\r+ to console h]1 mix+ ! te>s ( ! ,/abat ,mat] ) h] own1 sigh+ out t music ( pla9tive weep+1 press+ ! w\nd ( t sequ5ce1 :i* gave =? wat] & blood l ! w\nd ( ,*ri/ ,himself4 ,durtal left ! *ur*1 worn out ) ^! long s]vices1 b 8 temptations to unbelief 7 gone2 he _h no fur!r d\bt2 x seem$ to him t at ,/4 ,sulpice1 grace mix$ ) ! eloqu5t spl5d\rs ( ! liturgies1 & t 9 ! dim sorr[ ( ! voices !re _h be5 appeals to him2 & he !re=e felt filial gratitude to t *ur* :]e he _h liv$ ?r\gh h\rs s sweet & sad4 ,yet1 9 ord9>y weeks he did n g !re2 x seem$ to him too great & too cold1 & x 0 s ugly4 ,he pref]r$ w>m] & small] sanctu>ies1 9 :i* !re 7 /ill traces ( ! ,middle ,ages4 ,?us on idle days :5 he came out ( ! ,l\vre1 :]e he _h /ray$ = a long "t be=e ! canvases ( ! ,e>ly ,pa9t]s1 he 0 wont to take refuge 9 ! old *ur* ( ,/4 ,sev]91 hidd5 away 9 a corn] ( ! poor] "p ( ,p>is4 ,he c>ri$ ) him ! visions ( ! canvases he _h admir$ at ! ,l\vre1 & contemplat$ !m aga91 9 ?is surr\nd+ :]e !y 7 ?or\ghly at home4 ,!n he sp5t delightful mom5ts1 9 :i* he 0 c>ri$ away 9 ! cl\ds ( h>mony1 divid$ by ! :ite spl5d\r ( a *ild's voice fla%+ out f ! roll+ ?und] ( ! organ4 ,!re1 )\t ev5 pray+1 he felt a pla9tive languor1 a vague uneas9ess /eal ov] him2 ,/4 ,sev]9 delight$ him1 aid$ him m ?an o!r *ur*es on "s days to ga9 an indescribable impression ( joy & pity1 sometimes ev51 :5 he ?\ght ( ! fil? ( 8 s5ses1 to weave toge!r ! regret & ! t]ror ( 8 s\l4 ,he (t5 w5t !re1 especially on ,sunday morn+s to ,high ,mass at t5 o'clock4 ,he 0 wont to place himself beh9d ! high alt>1 9 t melan*oly & delicate apse1 plant$ l a w9t] g>d5 ) r>e & some:at fanta/ic trees4 ,x might h be5 call$ a petrifi$ arb\r ( v old trunks 9 fl[]1 b /ripp$ ( leaf1 =e/s ( pill>s1 squ>$ or cut 9 broad panels1 c>v$ ) regul> not*es ne> ! base1 holl[$ ?r\gh _! :ole l5g? l rhub>b /alks1 *annell$ l cel]y4 ,no vegetation exp&$ at ! summit ( ^? trunks :i* b5t _! nak$ b\ghs along ! vault+1 jo9$ & met & ga!r$ at _! junction1 & ?91 engraft$ knots1 extravagant bun*es ( h]aldic roses1 armorial fl[]s ) op5 trac]y2 & = m ?an f\r hundr$ ye>s no sap _h run1 no bud _h =m$ 9 ^! trees4 ,! %afts b5t = ev] rema9$ unt\*$1 ! :ite b>k ( ^! pill>s 0 sc>cely worn1 b ! great] "p ( ! fl[]s 7 )]$1 ! h]aldic petals 7 want+1 "s key/ones ( ! ar*es _h only /ratifi$ calices1 op5 l ne/s1 ) holes l sponges1 9 rags l h&fuls ( russet lace4 ,& among ?is my/ic flora1 amid ^! petrifi$ trees1 !re 0 "o1 /range & *>m+1 :i* sugge/$ ! fanciful idea1 t ! blue smoke ( ! roll+ inc5se _h cond5s$1 &1 z x coagulat$1 _h gr[n pale ) age1 to =m1 9 twi/+1 ! spiral ( a column :i* 0 inv]t$ on itself1 & end$ broad5+ out into a %eaf1 :]e( ! brok5 /ems fell f above ! ar*es4 ,! corn] :]e ,durtal took refuge 0 fa9tly light$ by po9t$ /a9$ w9d[s1 ) black diamond-%ap$ divisions set ) m9ute panes d>k5$ by ! accumulat$ du/ ( ye>s1 r5d]$ /ill m obscure by ! woodwork ( ! *apels1 :i* cut (f half _! surface4 ,?is apse might h be5 call$ a froz5 grove ( skeleton trees1 a cons]vatory ( dead specim5s belong+ to ! palm family1 call+ up ! memory ( an impossible pho5ix & unlikely palms2 b x also recall$ by its half-moon %ape & d\btful light1 ! image ( a %ip's pr[ bel[ wat]4 ,9 fact x all[$ to filt] ?r\gh its b>s1 to its w9d[s trellis$ ) all black network1 ! murmur1 sugge/$ by ! roll+ ( ! c>riages :i* %ook ! /reet1 ( a riv] :i* sift$ ! gold5 light ( day ?r\gh ! br9y c\rse ( its wat]s4 ,on ,sundays1 at ! "t ( ,high ,mass1 ! apse 0 empty4 ,! public fill$ ! nave be=e ! high alt>1 or spread !mselves some:at fur!r into a *apel d$icat$ to ,our ,lady4 ,durtal 0 !re=e almo/ alone1 & ev5 ! p :o cross$ 8 refuge 7 nei!r /upid nor ho/ile1 l ! fai?ful 9 o!r *ur*es4 ,9 ?is di/rict 7 begg>s1 ! v poor1 huck/]s1 ,si/]s ( ,*>ity1 rag pick]s1 /reet arabs2 above all1 !re 7 wom5 9 tatt]s walk+ on tiptoe1 :o knelt )\t look+ r\nd1 poor creatures ov]:elm$ by ! pite\s spl5d\r ( ! alt>s1 look+ out ( ! corn] ( _! eyes1 & b5d+ l[ :5 ! ,suisse pass$ !m4 ,t\*$ by ! timidity ( ?is sil5t mis]y1 ,durtal li/5$ to ! mass *ant$ by a scanty *oir1 b "o pati5tly taught4 ,! *oir ( ,/4 ,sev]9 inton$ ! ,cr$o1 t m>vel ( pla9 *ant1 bett] ?an x 0 done at ,/4 ,sulpice1 :]e1 h[ev]1 ! (fices 7 z a rule solemn & correct4 ,x bore x1 z x 71 to ! top ( ! *oir1 & let x spread ) its great w+s op5 & almo/ )\t motion1 above ! pro/rate flock1 :5 ! v]se ,et homo factus e/ took its sl[ & rev]5t flight 9 ! l[ voice ( ! s+]4 ,x 0 at once monum5tal & fluid1 inde/ructible l ! articles ( ! ,cre$ itself1 inspir$ l ! text1 :i* ! ,holy ,_s dictat$1 9 _! la/ meet+1 to ! unit$ apo/les ( ,*ri/4 ,at ,/4 ,sev]9 a p[]ful voice declaim$ a v]se z a solo1 !n all ! *ildr51 su/a9$ by ! re/ ( ! s+]s1 deliv]$ ! o!rs1 & ! un*angeable tru?s decl>$ !mselves 9 _! ord]1 m att5tive1 m grave1 m acc5tuat$1 ev5 a little pla9tive 9 ! solo voice ( a man1 m timid p]haps1 b also m famili> & m joy\s1 9 ! da%1 h[ev] re/ra9$1 ( ! boys4 ,at su* a mom5t ,durtal 0 r\s$1 & exclaim$ )9 himself3 ,x is impossible t ! alluvial deposits ( ,fai? :i* h creat$ ?is musical c]ta9ty are false4 ,! acc5t ( ^! decl>ations is su* z to be sup]human1 & f> f pr(ane music1 :i* has nev] atta9$ to ! solid gr&eur ( ?is nak$ *ant4 ,! :ole mass1 moreov]1 at ,/4 ,sev]9 0 p]fect4 ,! ,kyrie eleison1 solemn & sumptu\s1 ! ,gloria 9 excelsis1 %>$ by ! gr& & ! *oir organs1 ! "o tak+ ! solos1 ! o!r guid+ & su/a9+ ! s+]s1 0 full ( exultant joy2 ! ,sanctus1 conc5trat$1 almo/ hagg>d1 res\nd$ ?r\gh ! ar*es :5 ! *oir %\t$ ! ,hosanna 9 excelsis1 & ! ,agnus ,dei 0 sung l[ to a cle>1 suppliant melody1 s humble t x d>$ n become l\d4 ,inde$1 except = a contrab& ,o ,salut>is1 introduc$ !re z 9 o!r *ur*es1 ,/4 ,sev]9 ma9ta9$1 on ord9>y ,sundays1 ! musical liturgy1 sang x almo/ rev]5tially ) ! fragile b well-ton$ voices ( ! boys1 ! solidly built basses br++ vigor\s s\nds f ! deep4 ,x 0 a joy to ,durtal to l+] 9 ! delightful surr\nd+s ( ! ,middle ,ages1 9 t %ad[y lonel9ess1 amid ! *ants :i* rose beh9d him1 )\t be+ annoy$ by tricks ( ! m\?s :i* he c\ld n see4 ,he end$ by be+ mov$ to ! v m>r[1 *ok$ by n]v\s te>s1 & all ! bitt]ness ( 8 life came up be=e him2 full ( vague fe>s1 ( confus$ pray]s :i* /ifl$ him1 & f\nd no words1 he curs$ ! ignom9y ( 8 life & swore to ma/] 8 c>nal affections4 ,:5 ! mass 0 ov]1 he w&]$ 9 ! *ur* itself1 & 0 delight$ ) ! spr+ ( ! nave1 :i* f\r c5turies built & seal$ ) _! arms1 plac+ on x ^? /range impressions1 ^? wond]ful seals :i* exp& 9 relief "u ! rev]s$ gro9+ ( ! ar*es4 ,^! c5turies comb9$ to br+ to ! feet ( ,*ri/ ! sup]human ef=t ( _! art1 & ! gifts ( ea* are /ill visible4 ,! ?irte5? c5tury %ap$ ^? l[ & /unt$ pill>s1 ^: capitals are cr[n$ ) wat]-lilies1 wat]-p>sley1 foliage ) l>ge leaves1 volut$ ) cro*ets & turn$ 9 ! =m ( a crosi]4 ,! f\rte5? c5tury rais$ ! columns ( ! neighb\r+ bays on ! sides ( :i* prophets1 monks & sa9ts uphold ! spr+ ( ! ar*es4 ,! fifte5? & sixte5? creat$ ! apse1 ! sanctu>y1 "s w9d[s pi]c$ above ! *oir1 & ?\gh !y h be5 re/or$ by incompet5t build]s1 !y h /ill reta9$ a b>b>ic grace1 & a really t\*+ simplicity4 ,!y seem to h be5 design$ by ance/ors ( ! ,ep9al f\ndries1 & /a9$ by !m ) crude col\rs4 ,! donors & ! sa9ts :o pass ?r\gh ^! bright1 /one-fram$ pictures are all awkw>d & p5sive1 dress$ 9 robes ( gamboge1 bottle-gre51 prussian-blue1 gooseb]ry-r$1 pumpk9-purple & w9e lees1 & ^! are made /ill deep] by contact ) ! fle% t9ts1 ei!r omitt$ or de/roy$1 :i* h at any rate rema9$ uncol\r$ l a ?9 sk9 ( glass4 ,9 "o ( ^! w9d[s ,*ri/ on ,8 cross seems limpid1 all 9 light1 betwe5 blue spla%es ( sky1 & ! r$ & gre5 pat*es1 =m$ by ! w+s ( ! two angels ^: faces also seem cut 9 cry/al & full ( light4 ,^! w9d[s diff] f ^? ( o!r *ur*es1 9 t !y absorb ! rays ( ! sun1 )\t refract+ !m4 ,no d\bt !y h be5 delib]ately dive/$ ( reflection t !y may n by ! insol5t joy\sness ( /ones on fire insult ! melan*oly sorr[ ( ?is *ur* :i* rises 9 ! squalid haunts ( a qu>t] inhabit$ by begg>s & ?ieves4 ,!n ^! ?\ghts assail$ ,durtal4 ,9 ,p>is ! mod]n *ur*es are useless1 !y rema9 deaf to ! pray]s :i* break aga9/ ! icy indiff]5ce ( _! walls4 ,no man recollects himself 9 ^? naves :]e s\ls h left no?+ ( !mselves1 or :]e !y h p]haps giv5 !mselves away1 h _h to turn & fall back on !mselves1 rebuff$ by ! insol5ce ( a photographic gl>e1 d>k5$ by ! neglect ( ^? alt>s at :i* no sa9t has ev] said mass4 ,x seem$ t ,god _h always gone out1 & w\ld only come home to keep ,8 promise to appe> at ! mom5t ( consecration1 & t ,he w\ld retire imm$iately aft]w>ds1 despis+ ^! edifices :i* h n be5 built expressly = ,him1 s9ce by ! bas5ess ( _! =m !y might be put to any pr(ane use1 s9ce above all !y d n br+ ,him1 9 default ( sanctity1 ! only gift :i* might please ,him1 ! gift ( art :i* ,he has l5t to man1 & :i* all[s ,him to see ,himself 9 ! abridg$ re/itution ( ,8 "w1 & to rejoice 9 ! developm5t ( t fl[] ( :i* ,he has s[$ ! se$ 9 s\ls :i* ,he has c>efully *os51 9 s\ls :i* are truly ! elect1 second only to ^? ( ,8 ,sa9ts4 ,ah1 ^? *>itable *ur*es ( ! ,middle ,ages1 ^? *apels damp & smoky1 full ( anci5t song1 ( exquisite pa9t+s1 ( ! od\r ( ext+ui%$ tap]s1 ( ! p]fume ( burn+ inc5se6 ,9 ,p>is !re rema9 n[ only a few specim5s ( ?is art ( o!r ye>s1 a few sanctu>ies ^: /ones really exude ! ,fai?2 among ^! ,/4 ,sev]9 seem$ to ,durtal ! mo/ exquisite & ! mo/ c]ta94 ,he only felt at home !re1 he believ$ t if he c\ld ev] pray 9 e>ne/ he c\ld d x 9 t *ur*2 & he said to himself t !re liv$ ! _s ( ! fabric4 ,x is impossible b t ! burn+ pray]s1 ! hopeless sobs ( ! ,middle ,ages1 h n = ev] impregnat$ ! pill>s & /a9$ ! walls2 x is impossible b t ! v9e ( sorr[s :5ce ( old ! ,sa9ts ga!r$ w>m clu/]s ( te>s1 has n pres]v$ f ^? wond]ful times emanations :i* su/a91 a brea? :i* /ill awakes a %ame = s91 & ! gift ( te>s4 ,z ,sa9t ,agnes rema9$ immaculate 9 ! bro!ls1 ?is *ur* rema9$ intact amid infam\s surr\nd+s1 :5 all ne> x 9 ! /reets f ! ,*teau ,r\ge to ! ,crem]ie ,alex&re1 only two paces (f1 ! mod]n rabble ( rascality comb9e _! misde$s1 m+l+ ) pro/itutes _! brewage ( crime1 _! adult]at$ abs9! & spirits4 ,9 ?is especial t]ritory ( ,satanism1 ! *ur* rises1 delicate & little1 closely envelop$ 9 ! rags ( tav]ns & hovels1 & se5 f> (f1 raises above ! ro(s its light spire1 l a nett+ ne$le1 its po9t bel[1 & lift+ its eye into ! light & air1 ?r\gh :i* c be se5 a m9ute bell surm\nt+ a sort ( anvil4 ,su* x appe>s1 at lea/1 f ! ,place ,sa9t ,&r des ,arts4 ,symbolically x might be call$ a pite\s appeal1 always reject$ by s\ls h>d5$ & hamm]$ by vice1 ( t anvil :i* 0 only an optical illusion1 & t v real bell4 ,!y say1 ?\ght ,durtal1 !y say t ignorant ar*itects & unskill$ ar*ologi/s wi% to free ,/4 ,sev]9 f its rags1 & surr\nd x ) trees 9 an enclos$ squ>e4 ,b x has always liv$ 9 its network ( black /reets1 & is volunt>ily humble1 9 accordance ) ! mis]able di/rict x aids4 ,9 ! ,middle ,ages ! *ur* 0 a monum5t se5 only )91 & n "o ( ^? impetu\s basilicas :i* are put up z a %[ 9 op5 spaces4 ,!n x 0 an oratory = ! poor1 a *ur* on its knees1 & n /&+2 x w\ld1 !re=e1 be ! mo/ absolute nons5se to free x f its surr\nd+s1 to take x out ( ! day ( an et]nal twilight1 out ( ^? h\rs ( %ad[ :i* bright5 ! melan*oly beauty ( a s]vant 9 pray] beh9d ! impi\s h$ge ( hovels4 ,ah1 7 x possible to /eep ! *ur* 9 ! gl[+ atmosph]e ( ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 & jo9 to its meagre psalmody ! p[]ful *oir ( ,/4 ,sulpice1 t w\ld be complete1 said ,durtal1 b alas1 "h bel[1 no?+ :ole1 no?+ p]fect exi/s6 ,inde$ f an arti/ic po9t ( view1 x 0 ! only *ur* :i* satisfi$ him1 = ,notre ,dame de ,p>is 0 too gr&1 & too mu* ov]run by t\ri/s2 !re 7 few c]emonies !re1 j ! necess>y am\nt ( pray]s 7 weigh$ out1 & ! great] "p ( ! *apels rema9$ clos$2 & la/ly ! voices ( ! *oir boys always want$ m5d+2 !y broke1 :ile ! advanc$ age ( ! basses made !m ho>se4 ,at ,/4 ,eti5ne du ,mont x 0 worse /ill2 ! %ell ( ! *ur* 0 *>m+1 b ! *oir 0 an (f%oot ( ! s*ool ( ,sanf\r*e1 y might ?9k y\rself 9 a k5nel1 :]e a m$ley pack ( sick bea/s 7 gr[l+2 z = ! o!r sanctu>ies on ! "r bank ( ! riv]1 !y 7 wor?less1 pla9 *ant 0 z f> z possible suppress$1 & ! pov]ty ( ! voices 0 ev]y:]e ornam5t$ ) promiscu\s tunes4 ,yet on ! "r bank 7 ! m self-respect+ *ur*es1 = religi\s ,p>is /ops on t side ( ! ,se9e1 & comes to an end z y pass ! bridges4 ,9 fact1 to sum up all1 he might believe t ,/4 ,sev]9 by its sc5t1 & ! delightful art ( its old nave1 ,/4 ,sulpice by its c]emonies & its *ant+1 _h br\ght him back t[>ds ,*ri/ian art1 :i* 9 its turn _h direct$ him to ,god4 ,!n :5 once urg$ on ?is way1 he _h pursu$ x1 _h left ar*itecture & music1 to w&] 9 ! my/ic t]ritories ( ! o!r arts1 & 8 long visits to ! ,l\vre1 8 rese>*es into ! brevi>ies1 into ! books ( ,ruysbrck1 ,angela da ,foligno1 ,sa9t ,t]esa1 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa1 ,sa9t ,magdal5 ( ,pazzi1 _h confirm$ him 9 8 belief4 ,b ! upheaval ( all 8 ideas :i* he _h und]gone 0 too rec5t = 8 s\l at once to rega9 its equilibrium4 ,f "t to "t x seem$ to wi% to g back1 & he discuss$ ) himself 9 ord] to set x at re/4 ,he sp5t himself 9 disputation1 came to d\bt ! reality ( 8 conv]sion1 & said3 ,aft] all ,i am unit$ to ! *ur* only on ! side ( art4 ,i only g !re to see or he> & n to pray2 ,i d n seek ! ,"l1 b my own pleasure4 ,?is is n bus9ess4 ,j z 9 a w>m ba? ,i d n feel ! cold if ,i am motionless1 b if ,i move ,i freeze1 s 9 ! *ur* my impulses are upset :5 ,i move1 ,i am almo/ on fire 9 ! nave1 less w>m 9 ! por*1 & ,i become p]fectly icy outside4 ,^! are lit]>y po/ulates1 vibrations ( ! n]ves1 skirmi%es ( ?\ght1 spiritual brawls1 :atev] y please1 except ,fai?4 ,b :at disquiet$ him /ill m ?an ! ne$ ( helps to feel+1 0 t 8 %ameless s5ses rebell$ at ! contact ( religi\s ideas4 ,he float$ l wreckage betwe5 ,lic5ti\sness & ! ,*ur*1 !y ea* ?rew him back 9 turn1 oblig+ him z he approa*$ "o to return at once to t :i* he _h left1 & he 0 incl9$ to ask if he 7 n a victim to "s my/ification ( 8 l[] in/9cts1 seek+ to revive !mselves1 )\t 8 consci\sness1 by ! cordial ( a false piety4 ,9 fact he _h (t5 se5 realiz$ 9 himself t unclean miracle1 :5 he _h left ,/4 ,sev]91 almo/ 9 te>s4 ,ins5sibly1 )\t connection ( ideas1 )\t any weld+ toge!r ( s5sations1 )\t ! explosion ( a sp>k1 8 s5ses took fire1 & he 0 p[]less to let !m burn !mselves out1 to resi/ !m4 ,he loa!d himself aft]w>ds1 & x 0 high "t4 ,!n came ! rev]se movem5t2 he long$ to run to "s *apel1 !re to wa% & be clean1 & he 0 s disgu/$ ) himself t n[ & !n he w5t z f> z ! door & d>$ n ent]4 ,at o!r times1 on ! contr>y1 he rebell$ aga9/ himself1 & cri$ 9 fury3 ,x is mon/r\s1 ,i h 9 fact spoil$ = myself ! only pleasure t rema9$ to me--! fle%4 ,once ,i amus$ myself )\t blame1 n[ ,i pay = my poor debau*es ) torm5ts4 ,i h add$ "o m we>9ess to exi/5ce--w\ld t ,i c\ld undo x4 ,he li$ to himself 9 va91 try+ to ju/ify himself by sugge/+ d\bts4 ,suppose all ?is 7 n true1 if !re 7 no?+ 9 x1 if ,i 7 deceiv+ myself1 :at if ! free?9k]s 7 "r8 ,b he 0 oblig$ to be sorry = himself1 = he felt di/9ctly to ! bottom ( 8 s\l1 t he held un%ak5 ! c]titude ( true ,fai?4 ,^! discussions are mis]able1 & ! excuses ,i make = my fil?9esses are odi\s1 he said to himself1 & a flame ( en?usiasm sprang up )9 him4 ,h[ d\bt ! tru? ( dogmas1 h[ d5y ! div9e p[] ( ! ,*ur*1 = %e comm&s ass5t8 ,fir/ %e has h] sup]human art & h] my/icism1 !n %e is mo/ wond]ful 9 ! p]si/5t folly ( conqu]$ h]esies4 ,all s9ce ! _w began h _h ! fle% z _! spr+-bo>d4 ,logically & humanly speak+ !y %\ld h triumph$1 = !y all[$ man & woman to satisfy _! passions1 say+ to !mselves !re 0 no s9 9 ^!1 ev5 sanctify+ !m z ! ,gno/ics1 r5d]+ homage to ,god by ! f\le/ uncleanness4 ,all h suff]$ %ipwreck4 ,! ,*ur*1 unb5d+ 9 ?is matt]1 has rema9$ upright & entire4 ,%e ord]s ! body to be sil5t1 & ! s\l to suff]1 & contr>y to all probability1 humanity li/5s to h]1 & sweeps away l a dung-heap ! s$uctive joys propos$ to h]4 ,aga91 ! vitality ( ! ,*ur* is decision1 :i* pres]ves h] 9 spite ( ! unfa?omable /upidity ( h] sons4 ,%e has resi/$ ! disquiet+ folly ( ! cl]gy1 & has n ev5 be5 brok5 up by ! awkw>dness & lack ( ability 9 h] def5d]s1 a v /rong po9t4 ,no1 ! m ,i ?9k ( h]1 he cri$1 ! m ,i ?9k h] prodigi\s1 unique1 ! m ,i am conv9c$ t %e alone holds ! tru?1 t outside h] are only weaknesses ( m9d1 impo/ures1 sc&als4 ,! ,*ur* is ! div9e bre$+ gr\nd1 ! heav5ly disp5s>y ( s\ls2 %e gives !m suck1 n\ri%es !m1 & heals !m2 %e bids !m und]/&1 :5 ! h\r ( sorr[ comes1 t true life beg9s1 n at bir?1 b at dea?4 ,! ,*ur* is indefectible1 be=e all ?+s admirable1 %e is great-- ,yes1 b !n we mu/ foll[ h] directions & practise ! sacram5ts %e ord]s6 ,& ,durtal1 %ak+ 8 head1 gave himself no fur!r answ]4 ,,*apt] ,,iii4 ,be=e 8 conv]sion he _h said l all unbeliev]s3 ,if ,i believ$ t ,jesus ,*ri/ is ,god1 & t et]nal life is n a decoy1 ,i w\ld n hesitate to *ange all my habits1 to foll[ z f> z possible ! rules ( religion1 &1 9 any case1 to live *a/e4 ,& he 0 surpris$ t p he knew1 :o 7 9 ^! conditions1 did n ma9ta9 an attitude high] ?an 8 own4 ,he :o _h s long indulg5tly =giv5 himself became s+ul>ly intol]ant1 s soon z he _h to d ) a ,ca?olic4 ,he n[ und]/ood ! inju/ice ( 8 judgm5ts1 & confess$ t betwe5 fai? & practice 0 a gulf difficult to ov]pass4 ,he did n l to discuss ?is "q ) himself1 b x return$ & took possession ( him all ! same1 & he 0 oblig$ to admit ! meanness ( 8 argum5ts1 ! despicable reasons = 8 resi/ance4 ,he 0 /ill hone/ en\gh to say3 ,i am no long] a *ild2 if ,i h ,fai?1 if ,i admit ,ca?olicism1 ,i _c conceive x z lukew>m & unfix$1 w>m$ up aga9 & aga9 9 ! saucepan ( a false zeal4 ,i w h no compromise or truce1 no alt]nations ( debau* & communions1 no /ages ( lic5ti\sness & piety1 no1 all or no?+2 to *ange f top to bottom1 or n *ange at all4 ,!n he drew back 9 al>m1 endeav\r$ to escape ! "p he 0 ab\t to take1 endeav\r$ to exculpate himself1 cavill+ = h\rs1 invok+ ! mo/ wret*$ motives = rema9+ z he 01 & n budg+ a jot4 ,:at am ,i to d8 ,if ,i d n obey ord]s1 :i* ,i feel ) increas+ =ce1 ,i am prep>+ = myself a life ( uneas9ess & remorse1 = ,i "k well ,i ought n to rema9 = ev] on ! ?re%old1 b to p5etrate into ! sanctu>y & /ay !re4 ,& if ,i make up my m9d--no inde$--= !n ,i mu/ b9d myself to a heap ( obs]vances1 b5d to a s]ies ( rules1 assi/ at mass on ,sunday1 ab/a9 on ,friday1 live l a bigot1 & look l a fool4 ,& !n to help 8 revolt1 he ?\ght ( ! air1 ! look ( p :o frequ5t$ ! *ur*es2 = two m5 :o look$ intellig5t & clean1 h[ _m 7 )\t d\bt rascals & impo/ors6 ,almo/ all _h a side-long look1 an oily voice1 d[nca/ eyes1 immovable spectacles1 clo!s l sacri/ans z if ( black wood1 almo/ all told ?9 beads o/5tati\sly1 & ) m /rategy & m knav]y ?an ! wick$1 took toll f _! neighb\rs on leav+ ,god4 ,! dev\t wom5 7 /ill less reassur+1 !y invad$ ! *ur*1 walk+ ab\t z if q at home1 di/urb+ ev]ybody1 upsett+ *airs1 knock+ aga9/ y )\t begg+ p>don2 !n !y knelt d[n ) mu* ado1 9 ! attitude ( contrite angels1 murmur$ int]m9able pat]no/]s1 & left ! *ur* m arrogant & s\r ?an be=e4 ,x is n enc\rag+ to h to mix ) ?is flock ( pi\s geese1 he exclaim$4 ,b soon1 aga9/ 8 w1 he made answ] to himself3 ,y h no?+ to d ) o!rs1 7 y m humble1 ^! p w\ld c]ta9ly seem less (f5sive2 at any rate !y h ! c\rage y lack1 !y are n a%am$ ( _! fai?1 & are n afraid to kneel to ,god 9 public4 ,& ,durtal rema9$ dumf\nd$1 = he _h to admit t ! ripo/e /ruck home4 ,x 0 cle> 8 humility 0 at fault1 b :at 0 worse1 he c\ld n free himself f human respect4 ,he 0 afraid ( be+ tak5 = a fool2 ! prospect ( be+ se5 on 8 knees1 9 *ur*1 made 8 hair /& on end2 ! idea1 t1 if he ev] _h to communicate1 he w\ld h to rise & g to ! alt> 9 ! sight ( all1 0 intol]able to him4 ,if t mom5t ev] come x w be h>d to be>1 said he2 & yet ,i am an idiot1 = :at h ,i to d ) ! op9ion ( p ,i d n "k8 b mu* z he might repeat t 8 al>ms 7 absurd1 he c\ld n get ov] !m1 or free himself f ! fe> ( ridicule4 ,aft] all1 he said1 ev5 if ,i decide to jump ! dit*1 to confess & communicate1 t t]rible "q ( ! s5ses w\ld always h to be resolv$4 ,i mu/ det]m9e to fly ! lu/s ( ! fle%1 & accept p]petual ab/95ce4 ,i c\ld nev] atta9 to t4 ,)\t c\nt+ t 9 any case1 ! "t w\ld be ill-*os5 7 ,i n[ to make su* an ef=t1 = nev] h ,i be5 s torm5t$ z s9ce my conv]sion2 ,ca?olicism un=tunately excites unclean sugge/ions :5 ,i pr[l ab\t x1 )\t ent]+4 ,& to ?is exclamation ano!r answ]$ at once3 ,yes1 b y mu/ ent]4 ,he 0 irritat$ at ?is *ange ( front )\t *ange ( place1 & he tri$ to turn ! conv]sation1 z ?\gh x _h be5 held ) ano!r1 ^: que/ions p]plex$ him2 b he came back to x all ! same1 &1 9 8 annoyance1 summon$ all 8 reason+ p[]s to 8 aid4 ,come1 let u try to take /ock at any rate6 ,x is pla9 t z ,i h drawn ne> ! ,*ur*1 my unclean desires h become m frequ5t & m p]si/5t2 & yet ano!r fact is c]ta9 t ,i h be5 s us$ up by tw5ty ye>s ( debau*]y t ,i ought n to h any fur!r c>nal appetites4 ,9 fact1 if ,i *ose x1 ,i c\ld p]fectly well rema9 *a/e2 b !n ,i mu/ bid my mis]able bra9 be sil5t1 & ,i h no p[] to d s6 ,x is frightful all ! same t ,i am m excit$ ?an 9 y\?1 = n[ my desires g a-travell+1 & s9ce !y h n _! ord9>y %elt] !y g (f 9 se>* ( evil haunts4 ,h[ may ?is be expla9$8 ,x is a sort ( dyspepsia ( ! s\l1 :i* _c dige/ ord9>y meats1 & tries to fe$ on spic$ dreams1 highly season$ ?\ghts2 x is !n want ( appetite = :olesome meals :i* has begott5 ?is gre$9ess = /range di%es1 ?is tr\ble ( ! m9d1 ?is wi% to escape f myself1 & jump 7 x b = a mom5t ov] ! p]mitt$ limits ( ! s5ses4 ,9 t case ,ca?olicism w\ld play a "p at once repell5t & depress+4 ,x w\ld /imulate ^! sick desires1 & weak5 me at ! same "t1 w\ld give me ov] to n]v\s emotions )\t /r5g? to resi/ !m4 ,w&]+ ?us 9 self-exam9ation1 he came to a dead /& :]e 0 no issue1 arriv+ at ?is conclusion3 ,i d n practise my religion1 because ,i yield to my bas] in/9cts1 & ,i yield to ^! in/9cts because ,i d n practise my religion4 ,br\ght up ?us by a dead wall1 he resi/$1 ask+ if ?is la/ obs]vation 7 inde$ true2 =1 aft] all1 no?+ prov$ t if he approa*$ ! ,sacram5ts he w\ld n be attack$ ) ev5 great] viol5ce4 ,x 0 ev5 probable he w\ld be1 = ! devil makes a dead set at pi\s p4 ,!n he rebell$ aga9/ ! c[>dice ( ^! rem>ks1 & cri$3 ,i lie1 = ,i "k well1 t if ,i made ! lea/ sign ( resi/ance1 ,i %\ld be p[]fully aid$ f on high4 ,clev] at self-torture1 he cont9u$ to h>ass 8 s\l1 always on ! same l9e4 ,suppose1 he said1 = ! sake ( argum5t1 t ,i h tam$ my pride1 & subdu$ my body1 suppose t at pres5t !re 7 no?+ to d1 b to g =w>d1 ,i am /ill br\ght up1 = ! f9al ob/acle t]rifies me4 ,up to n[ ,i h be5 able to walk alone1 )\t e>?ly assi/ance1 )\t advice2 ,i h be5 conv]t$ )\t ! help ( anyone1 b n[ ,i _c make a /ep )\t a guide1 ,i _c approa* ! alt> )\t ! aid ( an int]pret]1 & ! bulw>k ( a prie/4 ,& once m1 he drew back1 = 9 =m] times he _h be5 intimate ) a c]ta9 numb] ( ecclesia/ics1 & _h f\nd !m s m$iocre1 s lukew>m1 above all s ho/ile to ,my/icism1 t he 0 revolt$ at ! v notion ( lay+ be=e !m ! s*$ule ( 8 requirem5ts & 8 regrets4 ,!y w n und]/& me1 he ?\ght2 !y w answ] t ,my/icism 0 int]e/+ 9 ! ,middle ,ages1 b has n[ become disus$ & is 9 any case q out ( t\* ) ! mod]n _s4 ,!y w ?9k me mad1 w assure me1 moreov]1 t ,god does n want s mu*1 w advise me ) a smile1 n to make myself s+ul>1 to d z o!rs1 & to ?9k l !m4 ,i h inde$ no int5tion ( ent]+ on ! way ( ,my/icism1 b !y may at lea/ all[ me to envy x & n inflict on me _! middle-class ideal ( a ,god4 ,=1 n to deceive oneself1 ,ca?olicism is n only t mod]ate religion t !y (f] u2 x is n compos$ only ( petty cases & =mulas2 x is n :olly conf9$ to rigid obs]vances1 & ! toys ( old maids1 to all t goody-goody bus9ess1 :i* spreads itself abroad 9 ! ,rue ,sa9t ,sulpice2 x is f> m exalt$1 f> pur]1 b !n we mu/ p5etrate its burn+ zone1 & seek 9 ,my/icism1 ! art1 ! ess5ce1 & ! v s\l ( ! ,*ur*4 ,us+ ! p[]ful means at h] disposal1 we !n h to empty ourselves1 & /rip ! s\l1 s t ,*ri/ if ,he w may ent] x2 we h to purify ! h\se1 to cleanse x ) ! dis9fectant ( pray] & ! sublimate ( ,sacram5ts2 9 a ^w1 to be ready :5 ! ,gue/ %all come & bid u to empty ourselves :olly into ,him1 z ,he w p\r ,himself into u4 ,i "k ?or\ghly well1 t ?is div9e al*emy1 ?is transmutation ( ! human creature into ,god1 is g5]ally impossible1 = ! ,savi\r1 z a rule1 keeps ,8 s+ul> fav\rs = ,8 elect2 b aft] all1 e "o1 h[ev] unwor?y1 is presumably able to atta9 t maje/ic end1 s9ce ,god only decides1 & n man1 ^: humble acquiesc5ce alone is requisite4 ,i see myself say+ t to ! prie/s6 ,!y w tell me ,i h no bus9ess ) my/ical ideas1 & w give me 9 ex*ange ! petty religion ( ri* wom52 !y w wi% to mix !mselves up ) my life1 to inquire ab\t ! /ate ( my s\l1 to ins9uate _! own ta/es2 !y w try to conv9ce me t art is dang]\s1 w s]monize me ) imbecile talk1 & p\r ov] me _! fl[+ b[ls ( pi\s veal bro?4 ,i "k :at ,i am2 at ! end ( a c\ple ( int]views ,i %all rebel1 & become wick$4 ,durtal %ook 8 head1 rema9$ 9 ?\ght1 & began aga91-- ,yet "o mu/ be j2 p]haps ! secul> cl]gy are only ! leav+s1 = ! contemplative ord]s & ! mission>y army c>ry away e ye> ! pick ( ! spiritual basket2 ! my/ics1 prie/s a?ir/ = sorr[s1 drunk ) sacrifice1 bury !mselves 9 cloi/]s or exile !mselves among savages :om !y tea*4 ,s :5 ! cream is (f1 ! re/ ( ! cl]gy are pla9ly b skim milk1 ! sc\r+s ( ! sem9>ies4 ,yes1 b aft] all1 he cont9u$1 ! "q is n :e!r !y are intellig5t or n>r[1 x is n my bus9ess to take ! prie/ to pieces to discov] "u ! consecrat$ r9d ! no?+ness ( ! man2 n my bus9ess to abuse 8 inadequacy s9ce x is ?or\ghly suit$ to ! und]/&+ ( ! cr[d4 ,w\ld x n be1 aft] all1 m c\rage\s & m humble to kneel be=e a be+ ( ^: bra9s y "k ! weakness8 ,& !n 444 !n 444 ,i am n r$uc$ to t1 = inde$ ,i "k "o 9 ,p>is1 a true my/ic4 ,suppose ,i g & see him6 ,& he ?\ght ( a c]ta9 ,abb ,gvres91 ) :om he _h =m]ly "s acqua9tance2 he _h (t5 met him at a booksell]'s 9 ! ,rue ,s]v&oni1 old ,tocane1 :o _h r>e books on liturgy & ! lives ( ! sa9ts4 ,le>n+ t ,durtal 0 look+ = works on ,bless$ ,lidw9e1 ! prie/ 0 at once int]e/$ 9 him1 & on leav+ ! %op !y _h a long conv]sation4 ,! abb 0 v old & walk$ ) difficulty1 !re=e he will+ly took ,durtal's arm1 :o saw him home4 ,! life ( t victim ( ! s9s ( h] "t is a magnific5t subject1 he said2 y rememb] x1 d y n8 & z !y walk$ he sket*$ its l9es1 broadly4 ,lidw9e 0 born t[>ds ! end ( ! f\rte5? c5tury1 at ,s*i$am1 9 ,holl&4 ,h] beauty 0 extraord9>y1 b %e lo/ x ?r\gh illness at ! age ( fifte54 ,%e recov]$1 b :ile skat+ "o day ) h] companions on ! froz5 canals1 %e fell & broke a rib4 ,f ! "t ( t accid5t to h] dea? %e 0 b$-ridd54 ,%e 0 afflict$ ) mo/ frightful ailm5ts1 h] w\nds fe/]$1 & worms br$ 9 h] putrefy+ fle%4 ,erysipelas1 t t]rible malady ( ! ,middle ,ages1 consum$ h]4 ,h] "r arm 0 eat5 away1 a s+le muscle held x to ! body1 h] br[ 0 cleft 9 two1 "o ( h] eyes became bl9d1 & ! o!r s weak t x c\ld n be> ! light4 ,:ile %e 0 9 ?is condition1 ! plague ravag$ ,holl&1 & decimat$ ! t[n 9 :i* %e liv$2 %e 0 ! fir/ attack$4 ,two boils =m$1 "o "u h] arm1 ! o!r above ! he>t4 ',two boils1 x is well1' %e said to ! ,"l1 'b ?ree w\ld be bett] 9 hon\r ( ! ,holy ,tr9ity1' & imm$iately a ?ird pu/ule broke out on h] face4 ,= ?irty-five ye>s %e liv$ 9 a cell>1 tak+ no solid food1 pray+ & weep+1 s *illy 9 w9t]1 t ea* morn+ h] te>s =m$ two froz5 /reams d[n h] *eeks4 ,%e ?\ght h]self /ill too =tunate1 & entreat$ ! ,"l n to sp>e h]1 & obta9$ f ,him ! grace t by h] suff]+s %e might expiate ! s9s ( o!rs4 ,*ri/ he>d h] pray]s1 visit$ h] ) ,8 angels1 communicat$ h] ) ,8 own h&1 gave h] ! delight ( heav5ly ec/asies1 & caus$ h] fe/]+ w\nds to exhale delici\s p]fumes4 ,at ! mom5t ( h] dea? ,he /ood by h]1 & re/or$ h] poor body to its =m] s\ndness4 ,h] beauty1 s long vani%$1 %one out aga91 ! t[n 0 mov$1 ! sick came 9 cr[ds1 & all :o drew ne> 7 heal$4 ,%e is ! true patroness ( ! sick1 conclud$ ! abb1 &1 aft] a sil5ce1 he add$1-- ,f ! po9t ( view ( ! high] my/icism1 ,lidw9e is wond]ful1 = 9 h] we c v]ify t plan ( sub/itution :i* 01 & is1 ! glori\s reason = ! exi/5ce ( conv5ts4 ,& z1 )\t answ]+1 ,durtal que/ion$ him ) a look1 he w5t on1-- ,y are aw>e1 sir1 t 9 all ages1 nuns h (f]$ !mselves to heav5 z expiatory victims4 ,! lives ( sa9ts1 bo? m5 & wom51 :o desir$ ^! sacrifices ab\nd1 ( ^? :o aton$ = ! s9s ( o!rs by suff]+s eag]ly dem&$ & pati5tly borne4 ,b !re is a task /ill m ardu\s & m pa9ful ?an 0 desir$ by ^! admirable s\ls4 ,x is n n[ t ( purg+ ! faults ( o!rs1 b ( prev5t+ !m1 h9d]+ _! commission1 by tak+ ! place ( ^? :o are too weak to be> ! %ock4 ,read ,sa9t ,t]esa on ?is subject2 y w see t %e ga9$ p]mission to take on h]self1 & )\t fl9*+1 ! temptations ( a prie/ :o c\ld n endure !m4 ,?is sub/itution ( a /rong s\l free+ "o :o is n /rong f p]ils & fe>s is "o ( ! great rules ( my/icism4 ,sometimes ?is ex*ange is purely spiritual1 sometimes on ! contr>y x has to d only ) ! ills ( ! body4 ,sa9t ,t]esa 0 ! surrogate ( s\ls 9 torm5t1 ,si/] ,ca!r9e ,emm]i* took ! place ( ! sick1 reliev$1 at lea/1 ^? :o 7 mo/ suff]+2 ?us1 = in/ance1 %e 0 able to und]go ! agony ( a woman suff]+ f consumption & dropsy1 9 ord] to p]mit h] to prep>e = dea? 9 peace4 ,well1 ,lidw9e took on h]self all bodily ills1 %e lu/$ = physical suff]+1 & 0 gre$y = w\nds2 %e 01 z x 71 ! reap] ( puni%m5ts1 & %e 0 also ! pite\s vessel 9 :i* ev]yone dis*>g$ ! ov]fl[+s ( 8 malady4 ,if y w\ld speak ( h] 9 o!r fa%ion ?an ! poor hagiographies ( our day1 /udy fir/ t law ( sub/itution1 t miracle ( p]fect *>ity1 t sup]human triumph ( ,my/icism2 t w be ! /em ( y\r book1 & naturally1 )\t ef=t1 all ,lidw9e's acts graft !mselves on x4 ,b1 ask$ ,durtal1 does ?is law /ill take effect8 ,yes3 ,i "k conv5ts :i* apply x4 ,moreov]1 ,ord]s l ! ,c>melites & ! ,poor ,cl>es will+ly accept ! transf] to !m ( temptations we suff]2 !n ^! conv5ts take on _! backs1 s to speak1 ! diabolical expiations ( ^? insolv5t s\ls ^: debts !y pay to ! full4 ,all ! same1 said ,durtal1 %ak+ 8 head1 if y cons5t to take on y\rself ! assaults int5d$ = y\r neighb\r1 y mu/ make pretty sure n to s9k4 ,! nuns *os5 by our ,"l1 repli$ ! abb1 z victims ( expiation1 z :ole burnt-(f]+s1 are 9 fact few1 & !y are g5]ally1 especially 9 ?is age1 oblig$ to unite & coalesce 9 ord] to be> )\t fail+ ! weight ( misde$s :i* try !m1 = 9 ord] t a s\l may be> alone ! assaults ( ,satan1 :i* are (t5 t]rible1 x mu/ be inde$ assi/$ by ! angels & elect ( ,god4 ,& aft] a sil5ce ! old prie/ add$1-- ,i believe ,i may speak ) "s exp]i5ce 9 ^! matt]s1 = ,i am "o ( ! directors ( ^? nuns :o make rep>ation 9 _! conv5ts4 ,& yet1 cri$ ,durtal1 ! _w asks :at is ! good ( ! contemplative ,ord]s4 ,!y are ! lightn+ conductors ( society1 said ! abb1 ) great en]gy4 ,!y draw on !mselves ! demoniacal fluid1 !y absorb temptations to vice1 pres]ve by _! pray]s ^? :o live1 l ourselves1 9 s92 !y appease1 9 fact1 ! wra? ( ! ,mo/ ,high t ,he may n place ! e>? "u an int]dict4 ,ah6 :ile ! si/]s :o devote !mselves to nurs+ ! sick & infirm are inde$ admirable1 _! task is easy 9 comp>ison ) t und]tak5 by ! cloi/]$ ,ord]s1 ! ,ord]s :]e p5ance nev] ceases1 & ! v nights sp5t 9 b$ are brok5 by sobs4 ,?is prie/ is f> m int]e/+ ?an 8 bre?r51 said ,durtal to himself z !y p>t$2 &1 z ! abb invit$ 8 visits1 he _h (t5 call$ on him4 ,he _h always be5 cordially welcom$4 ,on sev]al occasions he _h w>ily s\nd$ ! old man on sev]al que/ions4 ,he _h answ]$ evasively 9 reg>d to o!r prie/s4 ,b he did n seem to ?9k mu* ( !m1 if ,durtal might judge by :at he said "o day 9 reg>d to ,lidw9e1 t magnet ( sorr[s4 ,notice1 he said1 t a weak & hone/ s\l has e advantage 9 *oos+ a confessor1 n f ! cl]gy :o h lo/ ! s5se ( ,my/icism1 b f ! monks4 ,!y alone "k ! effects ( ! law ( sub/itution1 & if !y see t 9 spite ( _! ef=ts ! p5it5t succumbs1 !y end by free+ him by tak+ 8 trials on !mselves1 or by s5d+ !m (f to "s conv5t 9 ! c\ntry :]e resolute p c use !m4 ,ano!r "t ! "q ( nationalities 0 discuss$ 9 a newspap] :i* ,durtal %[$ him4 ,! abb %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s1 putt+ aside ! patriotic twaddle4 ,= me1 he said calmly1 = me my c\ntry is t :]e ,i c be/ pray4 ,durtal c\ld n make out :at ?is prie/ 04 ,he und]/ood f ! booksell]1 t ! ,abb ,gvres9 on acc\nt ( 8 great age & infirmity 0 incapacitat$ = ! regul> duties ( ! prie/hood4 ,i "k t1 :5 he c1 he /ill says 8 mass ea* morn+ 9 a conv5t2 ,i believe also he receives a few ( 8 bre?r5 = confession 9 8 own h\se2 & ,tocane add$ ) disda91 ,he has b>ely en\gh to live on1 & !y d n look on him ) fav\r at ! ar*bi%op's because ( 8 my/ical notions4 ,!re end$ all he knew ab\t him4 ,he is evid5tly a v good prie/1 repeat$ ,durtal2 8 physiognomy decl>es x1 & 8 m\? & eyes contradict ea* o!r2 8 eyes c]ta9ly decl>e 8 entire goodness1 8 lips1 some:at ?ick1 purple & always moi/1 h on !m an affectionate b some:at sad smile1 & to ?is 8 blue eyes give ! lie--blue1 *ildlike eyes :i* laugh out a/oni%$ "u :ite eyebr[s 9 a r r$ face1 t\*$ on ! *eeks l a ripe apricot1 ) little po9ts ( blood4 ,9 any case1 said ,durtal1 wak+ f 8 m$itations1 ,i am v wrong n to cont9ue ! relations into :i* ,i h ent]$ ) him4 ,yes1 b !n no?+ is s difficult z to become really intimate ) a prie/2 fir/ by ! v education he receives at ! sem9>y ! ecclesia/ic ?9ks himself oblig$ to disp]se 8 affections & n conc5trate himself on p>ticul> fri5d%ips2 !n1 l a doctor1 he is a man h>ass$ ) bus9ess1 :o is nev] to be f\nd4 ,y c cat* !m n[ & !n betwe5 two confessions or two sick calls4 ,nor ev5 !n are y q c]ta9 t ! eag] welcome ( ! prie/ r+s true1 = he is j ! same to all :o come to him1 & inde$1 s9ce ,i d n call on ! ,abb ,gvres9 = 8 help or advice1 ,i am afraid ( be+ 9 8 way1 & ( tak+ up 8 "t1 h5ce ,i am act+ ) discretion 9 n go+ to see him4 ,yet ,i am sorry2 suppose ,i write1 or g to him "o morn+1 b :at h ,i to say to him8 ,i ought to "k :at ,i want be=e ,i all[ myself to tr\ble him4 ,if ,i g only to compla91 he w answ] ,i am wrong n to be a communicant1 & ,i h no?+ to answ]4 ,no3 ! bett] plan is to meet him z by *ance1 on ! quays1 :]e no d\bt he sometimes looks ov] ! book-/alls1 or at ,tocane's1 = !n ,i c talk to him m intimately1 at lea/ less (ficially1 ab\t my vacillations & regrets4 ,s ,durtal se>*$ ! quays1 & nev] once met ! abb4 ,he w5t to ! booksell]'s1 & pret5d$ to look ov] 8 /ock1 b z soon z he pron\nc$ ! "n ,gvres91 ,tocane exclaim$1 ,i h he>d no?+ ( him1 he has n be5 "h = ! la/ two mon?s4 ,i w n turn back1 b j di/urb him 9 8 own h\se1 said ,durtal1 b he w wond] :y ,i came back aft] s long an abs5ce4 ,besides ! awkw>dness ,i feel 9 call+ on p :om ,i h neglect$1 ,i am also tr\bl$ by ?9k+ ! abb may suspect "s int]e/$ object 9 my visit4 ,t is n conv5i5t2 if ,i _h b a good pretext2 !re is c]ta9ly t life ( ,lidw9e :i* int]e/s him1 ,i might consult him on v>i\s po9ts4 ,yes1 b :i*8 ,i h n conc]n$ myself ) t sa9t = a long "t1 & mu/ read ov] aga9 ! meagre old books on h] biography4 ,aft] all1 x w be simpl] & bett] to be frank1 & say1 ',?is is :y ,i h come2 ,i want to ask advice1 :i* ,i h n det]m9$ to foll[1 b ,i h s mu* ne$ ( speak+1 ( giv+ ! re9s to my s\l1 t ,i beg y to be s k9d z to lose an h\r = my sake4' ,he w d x c]ta9ly & will+ly4 ,!n t is agre$ on2 suppose ,i g to-morr[8 ,b he *eck$ himself at once4 ,!re 0 no?+ press+2 !re 0 pl5ty ( "t2 bett] take "t & ?9k2 ah1 yes1 "h is ,*ri/mas close ^u u1 ,i _c dec5tly tr\ble a prie/ :o has 8 p5it5ts to confess1 = !re are _m communicants on t day4 ,let him get 8 h>d "w ov]1 & !n we w see4 ,he 0 at fir/ pleas$ at hav+ inv5t$ t excuse1 !n he _h to admit 9 8 he>t t1 aft] all1 !re 0 n mu* 9 x1 = !re 0 no?+ to %[ t ?is prie/1 :o 0 n atta*$ to a p>i%1 0 busy 9 he>+ confessions4 ,x 0 h>dly probable1 b he tri$ to conv9ce himself t x might be s aft] all1 & 8 hesitation began aga94 ,angry at la/ ) ! discussion1 he adopt$ a middle c\rse4 ,= great] c]ta9ty1 he w\ld n call on ! abb till aft] ,*ri/mas1 b he w\ld n be lat] ?an a giv5 "t2 he took an almanack1 & swore to keep 8 promise--?ree days aft] t fea/4 ,,*apt] ,,iv4 ,oh6 t midnight mass6 ,he _h _h ! un=tunate idea ( go+ to x at ,*ri/mas4 ,he w5t to ,/4 ,sev]91 & f\nd a "y ladies' day s*ool in/all$ !re1 in/ead ( ! *oir1 :o1 ) %>p voices l ne$les1 knitt$ ! worn-out ske9s ( ! canticles4 ,he _h fl$ to ,/4 ,sulpice1 & plung$ into a cr[d :i* walk$ & talk$ z if 9 ! op5 air2 _h he>d !re *oral-society m>*es1 tea-g>d5 waltzes1 firework tunes1 & _h come away 9 a rage4 ,x _h seem$ to him sup]flu\s to try ,/4 ,g]ma9-des-,prs1 = he held t *ur* 9 horror4 ,besides ! we>9ess inspir$ by its heavy1 ill-re/or$ %ell1 & ! mis]able pa9t+s ) :i* ,fl&r9 load$ x1 ! cl]gy !re 7 specially1 almo/ al>m+ly1 ugly1 & ! *oir 0 truly infam\s4 ,!y 7 l a set ( bad cooks1 boys :o spat v9eg>1 & eld]ly *oir-m51 :o cook$ 9 ! furnace ( _! ?roats a sort ( vocal bro?1 a ?9 gruel ( s\nd4 ,nor did he ?9k ( tak+ refuge 9 ,/4 ,?omas ,aqu9as1 :]e he dread$ ! b>k+ & ! *oruses2 !re 0 inde$ ,/4 ,clotilde1 :]e ! psalmody1 at lea/1 is upright1 & has n1 l t ( ,/4 ,?omas1 lo/ all %ame4 ,he w5t !re1 b aga9 enc\nt]$ dance music & pr(ane tunes1 a worldly orgie4 ,at la/ he w5t to b$ 9 a rage1 say+ to himself1 ,9 ,p>is1 at any rate1 a s+ul> baptism ( music is res]v$ = ! ,new-,born4 ,next day1 :5 he woke1 he felt he _h no c\rage to face ! *ur*es2 ! sacrileges ( la/ night w\ld1 he ?\ght1 cont9ue2 & z ! wea!r 0 almo/ f9e1 he w5t out1 w&]$ 9 ! ,luxemb\rg1 ga9$ ! squ>e ( ! ,obs]vatoire1 & ! ,b\lev>d de ,port ,royal1 & me*anically made 8 way along ! int]m9able ,rue de la ,sant4 ,he knew t /reet ( old1 & _h tak5 melan*oly walks 9 x1 attract$ by its poor h\ses1 l ^? ( a prov9cial t[n2 !n x 0 fit = a dream]1 = x 0 b\nd$ on ! "r by ! ,prison de la ,sant & ,sa9te ,anne's madh\se1 & on ! left by conv5ts4 ,light & air circulat$ 9 ! /reet1 b1 beh9d x1 all 0 black2 x 0 a k9d ( prison corridor1 ) cells on ei!r side1 :]e "s 7 condemn$ to tempor>y s5t5ces1 & o!rs1 ( _! own free w1 suff]$ la/+ sorr[s4 ,i c imag9e1 ?\ght ,durtal1 h[ x w\ld h be5 pa9t$ by an ,e>ly ,flemi% ma/]2 ! long /reet pav$ by pati5t p5cils1 ! /ories op5 f top to bottom1 & ! cupbo>ds ! same2 & on "o side massive cells ) iron b$/eads1 a /onew>e jug2 little peepholes 9 ! doors secur$ by /rong bolts1 inside1 sc\ndrels & ?ieves1 gna%+ _! tee?1 turn+ r\nd & r\nd1 _! hair on end1 h[l+ l cag$ animals2 on ! o!r side little rooms1 furni%$ ) a pallet-b$1 a /onew>e jug1 a crucifix1 ^! also clos$ by doors iron-b&$1 & )9 nuns or monks1 kneel+ on ! flags1 _! faces clean cut aga9/ ! light ( a halo1 _! eyes lift$ to heav51 _! h&s jo9$1 rais$ f ! gr\nd 9 ec/asy1 a pot ( lilies at _! side4 ,!n at ! back ( ! canvas1 betwe5 ^! two r[s ( h\ses1 rises a great av5ue1 at ! end ( :i* 9 a dappl$ sky sits ,god ! ,fa!r ) ,*ri/ on ,8 "r1 *oirs ( ,s]aphim play+ on guit> & viol2 ,god ! ,fa!r immovable "u 8 l(ty ti>a1 ,8 brea/ cov]$ by ,8 long be>d1 holds scales :i* balance exactly1 ! holy captives expiat+ precisely by _! p5ances & pray]s ! blasphemies ( ! rascals & ! insane4 ,x mu/ be admitt$1 ?\ght ,durtal1 t ?is /reet is v peculi>1 t !re is probably none l x 9 ,p>is1 = x unites 9 its c\rse virtues & vices1 :i* 9 o!r qu>t]s1 9 spite ( ! ef=ts ( ! ,*ur*1 tr5d ap>t z f> z possible f ea* o!r4 ,?us ?9k+ he _h come z f> z ,/4 ,anne's1 :]e ! /reet gr[s light] & ! h\ses are l[]1 ) only "o or two /ories1 !n1 gradually1 !re is great] space betwe5 !m1 & !y are only jo9$ to ea* o!r by blank ends ( walls4 ,at any rate1 ?\ght ,durtal1 if ?is /reet has no di/9ction1 x is v private2 "h at lea/ "o ne$ n admire ! imp]t95t decoration ( ^? mod]n %ops :i* expose 9 _! w9d[s z preci\s commodities1 *os5 piles ( firewood1 & 9 glass sweetmeat j>s1 coal drops & coke lollipops4 ,& "h is an odd lane1 & he look$ at an alley :i* l$ d[n a %>p decl9e into a ma9 /reet1 :]e 0 to be se5 ! tricolor flag 9 z9c on a wa%h\se2 he read ! "n3 ,rue de l',ebre4 ,he ent]$ x1 x 0 b a few y>ds long2 ! :ole ( "o side 0 occupi$ by a wall1 beh9d :i* 7 half se5 "s /unt$ build+s1 surm\nt$ by a bell4 ,an entrance-gate ) a squ>e wicket 0 plac$ 9 ! wall1 :i* 0 rais$ high] z x slop$ d[nw>ds1 & at ! end 0 pi]c$ by r\nd w9d[s1 & rose into a little build+1 surm\nt$ by a clock-t[] s l[ t its po9t did n ev5 rea* ! height ( ! two-/ori$ h\se opposite4 ,on ! o!r side ?ree hovels slop$ d[n1 closely pack$ toge!r2 z9c pipes ran ev]y:]e1 gr[+ l v9es1 ramify+ l ! /alks ( a holl[ v9e along ! walls1 w9d[s gap$ on ru/y lead5 h+es4 ,dim c\rts ( wret*$ hovels c\ld be se52 9 "o 0 a %$ :]e "s c[s 7 repos+2 9 two o!rs 7 coa*-h\ses = :eel-*airs1 & a rack beh9d ! b>s ( :i* appe>$ ! capsul$ necks ( bottles4 ,b ?is mu/ be a *ur*1 ?\ght ,durtal1 look+ at ! little clock t[]1 & ! ?ree or f\r r\nd bays1 :i* seem$ cut out 9 em]y pap] to look l ! black r\gh mort> ( ! wall2 :]e is ! entrance8 ,he f\nd x on turn+ out ( ! alley into ! ,rue de la ,glacire4 ,a t9y por* gave access to ! build+4 ,he op5$ ! door1 & ent]$ a l>ge room1 a sort ( clos$ %$1 pa9t$ yell[1 ) a flat ceil+1 ) small iron beams col\r$ grey1 pick$ out ) blue1 & ornam5t$ ) gas-jets l a w9e %op4 ,at ! end 0 a m>ble alt>1 six light$ tap]s1 & gilt ornam5ts1 c&elabra full ( tap]s1 & "u ! tab]nacle1 a v small mon/rance1 :i* sp>kl$ 9 ! light ( ! tap]s4 ,x 0 almo/ d>k1 ! panes ( ! w9d[s hav+ be5 crudely daub$ ) b&s ( indigo & yell[i% gre52 x 0 freez+1 ! /ove 0 n alight1 & ! *ur*1 pav$ l a kit*5 floor1 _h no matt+ or c>pet4 ,durtal wrapp$ himself up z be/ he c\ld & sat d[n4 ,8 eyes gradually grew accu/om$ to ! obscurity ( ! room1 & :at he saw 0 /range2 9 front ( ! *oir on r[s ( *airs 7 seat$ human =ms1 dr[n$ 9 floods ( :ite musl94 ,no "o /irr$4 ,sudd5ly !re ent]$ by a side door a nun equally wrapp$ f head to foot 9 a l>ge veil4 ,%e pass$ along ! alt>1 /opp$ 9 ! middle1 ?rew h]self on ! gr\nd1 kiss$ ! floor1 & by a sudd5 ef=t1 )\t help+ h]self by h] arms1 /ood upright1 advanc$ sil5tly into ! *ur*1 & bru%$ by ,durtal1 :o saw "u ! musl9 a magnific5t robe ( creamy :ite1 an ivory cross at h] neck1 at h] girdle a :ite cord & beads4 ,%e w5t to ! entrance-door1 & !re asc5d$ a little /aircase into a gall]y :i* comm&$ ! *ur*4 ,he ask$ himself :at c\ld be ?is ,ord] s sumptu\sly array$1 9 ?is mis]able *apel1 9 su* a di/rict8 ,little by little ! room fill$1 *oir-boys 9 r$ ) capes trimm$ ) rabbit's sk9 light$ ! c&elabra1 w5t out1 & u%]$ 9 a prie/1 ve/$ 9 a gr& cope1 ) l>ge fl[]s1 a prie/ tall & "y1 :o sat d[n1 & 9 a sonor\s tone *ant$ ! fir/ antiphon ( vesp]s4 ,sudd5ly ,durtal turn$ r\nd4 ,9 ! gall]y an h>monium accompani$ ! responses ( voices nev] to be =gott54 ,x 0 n a woman's voice1 b "o hav+ 9 x some?+ ( a *ild's voice1 sweet5$1 purifi$1 %>p5$1 & some?+ ( a man's1 b less h>%1 f9] & m su/a9$1 an unsex$ voice1 filt]$ ?r\gh litanies1 bolt$ by pray]s1 pass$ ?r\gh ! sieves ( adoration & te>s4 ,! prie/1 /ill sitt+1 *ant$ ! fir/ v]se ( ! un*ang+ psalm1 ,dixit ,dom9us ,dom9o meo4 ,& ,durtal saw 9 ! air1 9 ! gall]y1 tall :ite /atues1 hold+ black books 9 _! h&s1 *ant+ sl[ly ) eyes rais$ to heav54 ,a lamp ca/ its light on "o ( ^! figures1 :i* = a second leant =w>d a little1 & he saw "u ! lift$ veil a face att5tive & sorr[ful1 & v pale4 ,! v]ses ( ! vesp] psalms 7 n[ sung alt]nately1 by ! nuns above & by ! congregation bel[4 ,! *apel 0 almo/ full2 a s*ool ( girls 9 :ite veils fill$ "o side2 little girls ( ! middle-class1 poorly dress$ brats :o play$ ) _! dolls occupi$ ! o!r4 ,!re 7 a few poor wom5 9 sabots1 & no m54 ,! atmosph]e became extraord9>y4 ,! w>m? ( ! s\ls ?aw$ ! ice ( ! room2 "h 7 n ! vesp]s ( ! ri*1 su* z 7 celebrat$ on ,sundays at ,/4 ,sulpice1 b ! vesp]s ( ! poor1 dome/ic vesp]s1 9 ! pla9 *ant ( ! c\ntry side1 foll[$ by ! fai?ful ) mighty f]v\r 9 sil5t & s+ul> devotion4 ,durtal c\ld fancy himself transport$ beyond ! city1 to ! dep?s ( "s village cloi/]2 he felt himself s(t5$1 8 s\l rock$ by ! monoton\s amplitude ( ^! *ants1 only recogniz+ ! end ( ! psalms by ! return ( ! doxology1 ! ,gloria ,patri et ,filio1 :i* sep>at$ !m f ea* o!r4 ,he _h a real impulse1 a dim ne$ ( pray+ to ! ,unkn[able1 p5etrat$ to ! v m>r[ by ?is environm5t ( aspiration1 x seem$ to him t he ?aw$ a little1 & took a f>-(f "p 9 ! unit$ t5d]ness ( ^! bright spirits4 ,he s\ght = a pray]1 & recall$ :at ,/4 ,paphnutius taught ,?ais1 :5 he cri$1 ,?\ art n wor?y to "n ! "n ( ,god1 ?\ wilt pray only ?us3 ',qui plasma/i me mis]]e mei2' ,?\ :o ha/ =m$ me h m]cy on me4 ,he /amm]$ out ! humble phrase1 pray$ n out ( love or ( contrition1 b out ( disgu/ ) himself1 unable to let himself g1 regrett+ t he c\ld n love4 ,!n he ?\ght ( say+ ! ,"l's ,pray]1 b /opp$ at ! notion t ?is is ! h>de/ ( all pray]s to pron\nce1 :5 ! phrases are weigh$ 9 ! balance4 ,= 9 x we decl>e to ,god t we =give our neighb\rs' trespasses4 ,n[ h[ _m :o use ^! words =give o!rs8 ,h[ _m ,ca?olics d n lie :5 !y tell ! ,all-kn[+ t !y hate no "o8 ,he 0 r\s$ f ^! reflections by sudd5 sil5ce2 vesp]s 7 ov]4 ,!n ! organ play$ aga91 & all ! voices ( ! nuns jo9$1 ^? 9 ! *oir bel[ & 9 ! gall]y above1 s++ ! old c>ol ,unto u a *ild is born4 ,he li/5$1 mov$ by ! simplicity ( ! /ra91 & sudd5ly1 9 a m9ute1 brutally1 )\t und]/&+ :y1 infam\s ?\ghts fill$ 8 m9d4 ,he resi/$ 9 disgu/1 wi%$ to repulse ! assault ( ^! %ameful feel+s1 & !y 7 p]si/5t4 ,he seem$ to see be=e him a woman ^: p]v]se ways _h long madd5$ him4 ,all at once ?is halluc9ation ceas$2 8 eye 0 me*anically attract$ t[>ds ! prie/1 :o 0 look+ at him1 :ile speak+ 9 a l[ voice to a beadle4 ,he lo/ 8 head1 imag9+ t ! prie/ guess$ 8 ?\ghts & 0 turn+ him out1 b ?is notion 0 s fooli%1 t he %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s1 & m s5sibly ?\ght t m5 7 n admitt$ to ?is conv5t ( wom51 & t ! abb :o _h se5 him 0 s5d+ ! beadle to beg him to leave4 ,! beadle came /raight to him2 ,durtal 0 ready to take 8 hat1 :5 9 p]suasive & g5tle tones t function>y said t ! procession 0 ab\t to beg91 t x 0 ! cu/om = ! g5tlem5 to foll[ ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 & t al?\gh he 0 ! only man !re1 ! abb ?\ght he w\ld n refuse to foll[ ! procession ab\t to />t4 ,ov]:elm$ by ?is reque/1 ,durtal made a vague ge/ure1 9 :i* ! beadle seem$ to see ass5t4 ,no1 he ?\ght z soon z he 0 left alone2 ,i w n m$dle ) ! c]emony2 fir/ ,i "k no?+ ab\t x1 & ,i %\ld spoil x all1 & aga9 ,i w n make a fool ( myself4 ,he prep>$ to slip away quietly1 b he _h no "t to c>ry out 8 int5tion2 ! u%] br\ght him a light$ c&le & ask$ him to accompany him4 ,he put ! be/ face he c\ld on ! matt]1 & :ile ?9k+ t he 0 blu%+ all ov]1 he foll[$ ! beadle to ! alt>4 ,!re ! beadle /opp$ him & bid him n to move4 ,! :ole congregation 0 n[ /&+1 ! girls' s*ool divid$ into two files1 prec$$ by a woman c>ry+ a bann]4 ,durtal came 9 front ( ! fir/ rank ( nuns4 ,_! veils l[]$ be=e ! pr(ane1 ev5 9 *ur*1 7 rais$ be=e ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 be=e ,god4 ,durtal 0 able to look at ^! si/]s = a mom5t2 at fir/ 8 disillusion 0 complete4 ,he _h suppos$ !m pale & grave l ! nun he _h se5 9 ! gall]y1 & almo/ all ( !m 7 r$1 freckl$1 cross+ _! poor h&s swell$ & w\nd$ by *ilbla9s4 ,_! faces 7 puffy & all seem$ at ! beg9n+ or end ( a cold2 !y 7 evid5tly c\ntry girls1 & ! novices1 kn[n by _! grey robes "u ! :ite veil1 7 /ill m common look+2 !y _h c]ta9ly be5 accu/om$ to f>m lab\r1 & yet on see+ !m all turn$ to ! alt>1 ! pov]ty ( _! faces1 ! ugl9ess ( _! h&s blue ) cold1 _! brok5 nails1 injur$ 9 ! wa%1 disappe>$2 _! eyes1 mode/ & humble "u _! long la%es1 *ang$ _! co>se features into pi\s simplicity4 ,lo/ 9 pray]1 !y did n ev5 see 8 curi\s looks1 & did n ev5 suspect a man 0 !re exam9+ !m4 ,durtal envi$ ! admirable wisdom ( ^! poor girls :o alone und]/ood x 0 mad to wi% to live4 ,he ?\ght3 ,ignorance leads to ! same result z k4 ,among ! ,c>melites are ri* & pretty wom5 :o h liv$ 9 ! _w & left x1 :olly conv9c$ ( ! va9ness ( its joys2 & ^! nuns1 :o evid5tly "k no?+1 h _h an intuition ( t vacuity :i* x has ne$$ ye>s ( exp]i5ce = ! o!rs to ga94 ,by diff]5t ways !y h arriv$ at ! same meet+-place4 ,!n :at cle>ness ( ?\ght is reveal$ by _! entrance into an ,ord]6 = if inde$ !y _h n be5 ga!r$ by ,*ri/1 :at w\ld h become ( ^! unhappy girls8 ,m>ri$ to drunk>ds & hamm]$ by beat+s2 or p]haps maids 9 tav]ns1 ill-treat$ by _! ma/]s1 brutaliz$ by ! o!r s]vants1 de/9$ to ! scorn ( ! /reets & ! dang]s ( ill-usage4 ,& )\t kn[+ any?+ !y h avoid$ x all1 h rema9$ innoc5t1 f> f ^! p]ils1 & f> f ?is defilem5t1 "u an ob$i5ce :i* is n ignoble1 dispos$ by _! v way ( life to exp]i5ce1 %\ld !y be wor?y1 ! mo/ p[]ful joys :i* ! s\l ( a human creature c feel4 ,!y rema91 p]haps1 bea/s ( bur!n1 b at any rate ,god's bea/s ( bur!n4 ,he _h got s f> 9 8 reflections :5 ! beadle beckon$ to him4 ,! prie/1 :o _h desc5d$ f ! alt>1 held ! little mon/rance2 ! girls' procession 0 mov+ be=e him4 ,durtal pass$ 9 front ( ! l9e ( nuns :o did n take "p 9 ! c]emony1 & tor* 9 h& he foll[$ ! beadle1 :o c>ri$ beh9d ! prie/ an op5 :ite silk p>asol4 ,!n ! h>monium 9 ! gall]y fill$ ! *ur* ) its drawl+ tones1 l an enl>g$ accordion1 & ! nuns /&+ beside x inton$ ! old *ant1 rhy?mical z a m>*1 ! ,ade/e ,fideles1 :ile bel[ ! novices & ! fai?ful repeat$ aft] ea* /anza ! sweet *orus ( invitation1 ,v5ite adoremus4 ,! procession w5t sev]al times r\nd ! *apel1 above ! heads b[$ 9 ! smoke f ! c5s]s1 :i* ! *oir boys swung1 turn+ at ea* pause to face ! prie/4 ,well1 aft] all1 ,i h n come s badly out ( x1 said ,durtal to himself1 :5 !y _h return$ to ! alt>4 ,he ?\ght 8 "p 0 f9i%$1 b1 ?is "t )\t ask+ 8 p]mission1 ! beadle ask$ him to kneel at ! communion rail 9 front ( ! alt>4 ,he 0 ill at ease & annoy$1 at kn[+ t ! :ole s*ool & ! :ole conv5t 0 beh9d him1 nor 0 he accu/om$ to kneel2 x seem$ z if w$ges 7 ?ru/ into 8 limbs1 z if he 7 subject$ to ! tortures ( ! ,middle ,ages4 ,emb>rass$ by 8 tap]1 :i* 0 gutt]+1 & ?reat5$ to cov] him ) spots1 he %ift$ 8 position quietly1 try+ to make himself m com=table by slipp+ ! skirts ( 8 great coat betwe5 8 knees & ! /eps2 b 9 mov+ he only increas$ ! evil1 8 fle% 0 fold$ back betwe5 ! bones1 & 8 sk9 0 *af$ & burn+4 ,he sweat$ at la/ ) ! pa91 & fe>$ to di/ract ! f]v\r ( ! community by fall+2 :ile ! c]emony w5t on = ev]1 ! nuns sang 9 ! gall]y1 b he li/5$ no m & deplor$ ! l5g? ( ! s]vice4 ,at la/ ! mom5t ( ,b5$iction approa*$4 ,!n 9 spite ( himself1 see+ himself !re1 s ne> to ,god1 ,durtal =got 8 suff]+s1 & b[$ 8 head1 a%am$ to be s plac$1 l a capta9 at ! head ( 8 company1 9 ! fir/ rank ( ?is maid5 troop2 & :5 9 a great sil5ce1 ! bell t9kl$1 & ! prie/ turn+1 lightly cut ! air 9 ! =m ( a cross1 &1 ) ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 bless$ ! congregation kneel+ at 8 feet1 ,durtal rema9$1 8 body b5t1 8 eyes clos$1 seek+ to hide himself1 to make himself small1 & n be se5 !re 9 front amid t pi\s cr[d4 ,! psalm ,laudate ,dom9um1 omnes g5tes1 rang out :5 ! beadle came to take 8 tap]4 ,durtal c\ld h>dly resi/ a cry1 :5 he _h to /& up2 8 b5umb$ knees crack$1 & _! jo9ts w\ld h>dly "w4 ,yet he rega9$ 8 place someh[2 let ! cr[d pass1 & approa*+ ! beadle1 ask$ him ! "n ( ! conv5t1 & ! ord] to :i* ! nuns belong$4 ,!y are ! ,franciscan mission>ies ( ,m>y1 answ]$ ! man1 b ! *apel is n !irs z y seem to ?9k2 x is a *apel ( ease = ! p>i% ( ,/4 ,m>cel de la ,maison ,blan*e3 x is only jo9$ by a corridor to ! h\se ^? si/]s occupy beh9d u !re 9 ! ,rue de l',ebre4 ,!y jo9 9 ! (fices1 9 fact1 j z y & ,i may d1 & !y keep a s*ool = ! *ildr5 ( ! di/rict4 ,x is a t\*+ little *apel1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :5 he 0 alone4 ,x is well mat*$ ) ! neighb\rhood x %elt]s1 ) ! gloomy brook ( ! tann]s1 :i* runs ?r\gh ! y>ds bel[ ! ,rue de la ,glacire4 ,x gives me ! effect ( be+ to ,notre ,dame de ,p>is :at its neighb\r ! ,bivre is to ! ,se9e4 ,x is ! /reamlet ( ! *ur*1 ! pi\s pavem5t1 ! mis]able suburb ( wor%ip4 ,h[ poor & yet h[ exquisite are ^? nuns' voices1 :i* seem non-sexual & mell[6 ,god kn[s h[ ,i hate ! voice ( a woman 9 ! holy place1 = x /ill rema9s unclean4 ,i ?9k woman always br+s ) h] ! la/+ miasma ( h] indispositions & %e turns ! psalms s\r4 ,!n1 all ! same1 vanity & concupisc5ce rise f ! worldly voice1 & its cries ( adoration accompani$ by ! organ are only cries ( c>nal desire1 its v plead+s 9 ! mo/ sombre liturgical hymns are only address$ to ,god f ! lips outw>d1 = at bottom a woman only m\rns ! m$iocre ideal ( e>?ly pleasure to :i* %e _c atta94 ,?us ,i ?or\ghly und]/& t ! ,*ur* has reject$ woman f h] (fices1 & t ! musical robe ( h] sequ5ces may n be contam9at$ %e employs ! voices ( ! boy & ! man4 ,yet 9 conv5ts ( wom51 t is *ang$2 x is c]ta9 t pray]1 communion1 ab/95ce & v[s purify ! body & ! s\l1 z well z ! vocal od\r :i* proce$s f !m4 ,! emanations f !m give to ! voices ( ! nuns1 h[ev] crude1 h[ev] ill-tra9$ !y may be1 _! *a/e inflexions1 _! simple c>esses ( pure love1 !y recall to x ! +5u\s s\nds ( *ildhood4 ,9 c]ta9 ord]s1 !y seem ev5 to prune x ( ! great] "p ( its bran*es1 & conc5trate ! ?reads ( sap :i* rema9 9 a few twigs2 & he ?\ght ( a ,c>melite conv5t to :i* he _h gone f "t to "t1 rememb]$ _! fail+1 almo/ expir+ voices1 :]e ! little heal? t rema9$ to !m 0 conc5trat$ 9 ?ree notes1 voices :i* _h lo/ ! musical col\rs ( life1 ! t9ts ( op5 air1 keep+ only 9 ! cloi/] ^? ( ! co/umes !y seem$ to reflect1 :ite & br[n1 *a/e & sombre tones4 ,ah6 ^? ,c>melites1 he ?\ght ( !m n[1 z he desc5d$ ! ,rue de la ,glacire1 & he call$ up ! memory ( a pr(ession1 ! ?\ght ( :i* took entire possession ( him e "t he m$itat$ on conv5ts4 ,he saw aga9 9 memory a morn+ 9 ! little *apel 9 ! ,av5ue de ,saxe1 a *apel1 ,spani% ,go?ic 9 /yle1 ) n>r[ w9d[s glaz$ ) panes s d>k t ! light :i* rema9$ 9 _! col\rs did n pass ?r\gh !m4 ,at ! end rose ! high alt> 9 %ade1 rais$ on six /eps2 on ! left a l>ge iron grat+ 9 an ar* 0 cov]$ ) a black curta91 & on ! same side1 b almo/ at ! base ( ! alt>1 a little ar* trac$ on ! pla9 wall1 l a lancet w9d[1 ) an ap]ture 9 ! middle1 a sort ( squ>e1 a frame1 )\t a panel1 empty4 ,t morn+ ! *apel1 cold & d>k1 sp>kl$1 light$ by groves ( c&les2 & ! od\r ( inc5se1 n adult]at$ z 9 o!r *ur*es by spices & gums1 fill$ x ) a dull smoke2 x 0 cramm$ ) p4 ,cr\*$ 9 a corn]1 ,durtal _h turn$ r\nd1 & l 8 neighb\rs look$ at ! backs ( ! ?urif]s & prie/s1 :o 7 go+ t[>ds ! entrance4 ,! door op5$ sudd5ly1 & he saw1 9 a bur/ ( daylight1 a r$ vision ( ! ,c>d9al ,ar*bi%op ( ,p>is1 pass+ up ! nave1 turn+ f side to side a horse-l head1 9 front ( x a big spectacl$ nose1 b5d+ 8 tall =m all on "o side1 bless+ ! congregation ) a long twi/$ h&1 l a crab's claw4 ,he & 8 suite asc5d$ ! alt> /eps1 & knelt at a prie-,dieu1 !n !y took (f 8 tippet1 & ve/$ him 9 a silk *asuble ) a :ite cross embroid]$ 9 silv]1 & ! mass began4 ,%ortly be=e ! communion1 ! black veil 0 g5tly )drawn2 beh9d ! high grat+1 & 9 a bluei% light l t ( ! moon1 ,durtal fa9tly saw :ite phantoms glid+ & />s tw9k+ 9 ! air1 & close to ! grat+ a woman's =m1 kneel+ motionless on ! gr\nd1 %e too hold+ a /> at ! end ( a tap]4 ,! woman did n move b ! /> %ook2 !n :5 ! mom5t ( communion 0 at h&1 ! woman rose1 !n disappe>$1 & h] head1 z if decapitat$1 fill$ ! squ>e ( ! wicket op5$ 9 ! ar*4 ,!n z he leant =w>d he saw1 = a second1 a dead face1 ) clos$ lids1 :ite1 eyeless1 l anci5t m>ble /atues4 ,& all pass$ away1 z ! ,c>d9al b5t above ! grat+1 ) ! ciborium 9 8 h&4 ,all 0 s rapid t he ask$ himself if he 7 n dream+2 ! mass 0 ov]4 ,beh9d ! iron grat+ res\nd$ m\rnful psalms1 sl[ *ants drawn out1 weep+1 always on ! same notes1 w&]+ lights & :ite =ms pass$ 9 ! azure fluid ( ! inc5se4 ,monseigneur ,ri*>d 0 sitt+1 mitre on head1 int]rogat+ ! po/ulant :o _h return$ to h] place1 & 0 kneel+ be=e him beh9d ! grat+4 ,he spoke 9 a l[ voice1 & c\ld n be he>d4 ,! :ole congregation b5t to li/5 to ! novice z %e pron\nc$ h] v[s1 b only a long murmur 0 he>d4 ,durtal rememb]$ t he _h elb[$ 8 way1 & got ne> ! *oir1 :]e1 ?r\gh ! cross$ b>s ( ! grat+1 he saw ! woman clad 9 :ite1 pro/rate on h] face1 9 a squ>e ( fl[]s1 :ile ! :ole conv5t fil$ pa/1 b5d+ ov] h]1 inton+ ! psalms = ! dead1 & spr9kl+ h] ) holy wat]1 l a corpse4 ,x is admirable1 he cri$1 mov$ 9 ! /reet by ! memory ( ! sc5e1 & he ?\ght ( :at a life 0 t ( ^! wom56 ,to lie on an hair mattress )\t pill[ or %eets1 to fa/ sev5 mon?s out ( ! twelve1 except on ,sundays & fea/s2 always to eat1 /&+1 vegetables & ab/95ce f>e2 to h no fire 9 w9t]1 to *ant = h\rs on ice-cold tiles1 to sc\rge ! body1 to become s humble z1 h[ev] t5d]ly nurtur$1 to wa% up di%es ) joy1 & att5d to ! meane/ tasks1 to pray f morn+ to midnight ev5 to fa9t+1 to pray !re till dea?4 ,!y mu/ inde$ pity u1 & set !mselves to expiate ! imbecility ( a _w :i* treats !m z hy/]ical fools1 = x _c ev5 und]/& ! joy 9 suff]+ ( s\ls l ^!4 ,we _c be pr\d ( ourselves1 9 ?9k+ ( ! ,c>melites1 or ev5 ( ^? humble ,franciscan ,t]ti>ies1 :o are aft] all m vulg>4 ,x is true !y d n belong to a contemplative ord]1 b all ! same _! rules are v /rict1 _! exi/5ce is s h>d t !y too c atone by _! pray]s & good works = ! crimes ( ! city !y protect4 ,he grew en?usia/ic 9 ?9k+ ( ! conv5ts4 ,ah6 to be e>!d up among !m1 %elt]$ f ! h]d1 n to "k :at books appe>1 :at newspap]s are pr9t$1 nev] to "k :at goes on outside "o's cell1 among m5--to complete ! b5efic5t sil5ce ( ?is cloi/]$ life1 n\ri%+ ourselves ) good actions1 refre%+ ourselves ) pla9 song1 saturat+ ourselves ) ! inexhau/ible joys ( ! liturgies4 ,!n1 :o kn[s8 ,by =ce ( good w1 & by ard5t pray]1 to succe$ 9 com+ to ,him1 9 ent]ta9+ ,him1 feel+ ,him ne> u1 p]haps almo/ satisfi$ ) ,8 creature4 ,& he call$ up be=e him ! joys ( ^? abbeys 9 :i* ,jesus abode4 ,he rememb]$ t a/oni%+ conv5t ( ,unt]l9d51 ne> ,colm>1 :]e 9 ! ?irte5? c5tury n only "o or two nuns1 b ! :ole conv5t1 rose di/ract$ly be=e ,*ri/ ) cries ( joy1 nuns 7 lift$ above ! gr\nd1 o!rs he>d ! songs ( s]aphim1 & _! emaciat$ bodies secret$ balm2 o!rs became transp>5t or 7 cr[n$ ) />s2 all ^! ph5om5a ( ! contemplative life 7 visible 9 t cloi/]1 a high s*ool ( ,my/icism4 ,?us wrapp$ 9 ?\ght1 he f\nd himself at 8 own door1 )\t rememb]+ ! road he _h tak51 & z soon z he 0 9 8 room1 8 :ole s\l dilat$ & bur/ =?4 ,he desir$ to ?ank1 to call = m]cy1 to appeal to someone1 he knew n :om1 to compla9 ( he knew n :at4 ,all at once ! ne$ ( p\r+ himself =?1 ( go+ out ( himself1 took %ape1 & he fell on 8 knees say+ to ,our ,lady1 ,h pity on me1 & he> me2 ,i w\ld r any?+ ?an cont9ue ?is %ak5 exi/5ce1 ^! idle /ages )\t an aim4 ,p>don me1 ,holy ,virg91 unclean z ,i am1 = ,i h no c\rage = ! battle4 ,ah1 w\lde/ ?\ grant my pray]6 ,i "k well t ,i am ov] bold 9 d>+ to ask1 s9ce ,i am n ev5 resolv$ to turn out my s\l1 to empty x l a bucket ( fil?1 to /rike x on ! bottom1 t ! lees may trickle out & ! scales fall (f1 b 444 b 444 ?\ kn[e/ ,i am s weak1 s little sure ( myself1 t 9 tru? ,i %r9k4 ,oh1 all ! same ,i w\ld desire to flee away1 a ?\s& miles f ,p>is1 ,i "k n :]e1 into a cloi/]4 ,my ,god6 yet ?is is v madness t ,i speak1 = ,i c\ld n /ay two days 9 a conv5t2 nor inde$ w\ld !y take me 94 ,!n he ?\ght1-- ,?\gh ?is once ,i am less dry1 less unclean ?an is my wont1 ,i c f9d no?+ to say to ,our ,lady b insanities & follies1 :5 x w\ld be s simple to ask h] p>don1 to beg h] to h pity on my desolate life1 to aid me to resi/ ! dem&s ( my vices1 n to pay z ,i d ! royalties on my n]ves1 ! tax on my s5ses4 ,all ! same1 he said1 ris+1 en\gh ( ?is1 ,i w at lea/ d :at little ,i c2 )\t m delay ,i w g to ! abb to-morr[4 ,i w expla9 ! /ruggle ( my s\l1 & we w see :at happ5s aft]w>ds4 ,,*apt] ,v4 ,he 0 really com=t$ :5 ! s]vant said t ,monsieur l',abb 0 at home4 ,he ent]$ a little draw+-room1 & wait$ till ! prie/1 :om he he>d speak+ to someone 9 ! next *amb]1 0 alone4 ,he look$ at ! little room1 & m>k$ t no?+ 0 *ang$ s9ce 8 la/ visit4 ,x 0 /ill furni%$ ) a velvet s(a1 ( :i* ! r$1 once crimson1 _h become ! fad$ rose col\r ( raspb]ry jam on bread4 ,!re 7 also two tall arm-*airs on ei!r side ( ! *imney1 :i* 0 ornam5t$ by an ,empire clock1 & "s *9a vases fill$ ) s&1 9 :i* 7 /uck "s dry /alks ( re$4 ,9 a corn] aga9/ ! wall1 "u an old wood5 crucifix1 0 a prie-dieu1 m>k$ by ! knees1 an oval table 9 ! c5tre1 "s sacr$ engrav+s on ! walls2 & t 0 all4 ,x is l an hotel1 or an old maid's lodg+1 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,! commonness ( ! furniture1 ! curta9s 9 fad$ damask1 ! panels hung ) a pap] cov]$ ) b\quets ( poppies & field-fl[]s 9 false col\rs1 7 l lodg+s by ! mon?1 b c]ta9 details1 above all ! scrupul\s cleanl9ess ( ! room1 ! work$ cu%ions on ! s(a1 ! grass mats "u ! *airs1 an hort5sia l a pa9t$ caulifl[] plac$ 9 a fl[]-pot cov]$ ) lace1 look$ on ! o!r h& l ! futile & icy room ( a dev\t woman4 ,no?+ 0 want+ b a cage ( can>ies1 photographs 9 plu% frames1 %ell-"w & cro*et mats4 ,durtal _h got s f> 9 8 reflections :5 ! abb came 9 ) ext5d$ h&1 g5tly f9d+ fault ) 8 long abs5ce4 ,durtal made :at excuses he c\ld1 unusual occupations1 long we>9ess4 ,& our ,bless$ ,lidw9e1 h[ d y get on ) h]8 ,ah1 ,i h n ev5 begun h] life2 ,i am n 9 a /ate ( m9d :i* all[s me to engage 9 x4 ,durtal's acc5t ( disc\ragem5t surpris$ ! prie/4 ,come1 :at is ! matt]8 ,c ,i be ( any use to y8 ,i d n "k1 ,monsieur l',abb4 ,i am almo/ a%am$ to talk to y ab\t su* tr\bles1 & sudd5ly he bur/ out1 tell+ 8 sorr[s 9 any *ance words1 decl>+ ! unreality ( 8 conv]sion1 8 /ruggles ) ! fle%1 8 human respect1 8 neglect ( religi\s practices1 8 av]sion f ! rites dem&$ ( him1 9 fact f all yokes4 ,! abb li/5$ )\t mov+1 8 *9 on 8 h&4 ,y are m ?an =ty1 he said1 :5 ,durtal 0 sil5t2 y h pass$ ! age :5 )\t any impulse f ?\ght1 ! awak5+ ( ! fle% excites temptations1 y are n[ 9 t p]iod :5 indec5t ?\ghts fir/ pres5t !mselves to ! imag9ation1 be=e ! s5ses are agitat$4 ,we h !n to fight less aga9/ y\r sleep+ body ?an y\r m9d1 :i* /imulates & vexes x4 ,on ! o!r h&1 y h arre>s & prizes ( affection to put out1 y h no wife or *ildr5 to receive !m1 s t y\r affections be+ driv5 back by celibacy1 y w end by tak+ !m !re :]e at fir/ !y %\ld h be5 plac$2 y try to appease y\r s\l's hung] 9 *apels1 & z y hesitate1 z y h n ! c\rage to come to a decision1 to break once = all ) y\r vices1 y h arriv$ at ?is /range compromise2 to res]ve y\r t5d] feel+ = ! *ur* & ! manife/ations ( t feel+ = wom54 ,t1 if ,i d n mi/ake1 is y\r correct balance-%eet4 ,b1 good heav5s1 y h n too mu* to compla9 (1 = d y n see t ! important ?+ is to c>e = woman only ) y\r bodily s5ses8 ,:5 ,heav5 has giv5 y grace to be no long] tak5 captive by ?\ght1 all may be arrang$ ) a little ef=t ( w4 ,?is is an indulg5t prie/1 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,b1 cont9u$ ! abb1 y _c always sit betwe5 two /ools1 ! mom5t w come :5 y mu/ /ick to ! "o1 & pu% ! o!r away4 ,& look+ at ,durtal1 :o look$ d[n )\t answ]+1-- ,d y pray8 ,i d n ask if y say y\r morn+ pray]s1 = n all ^?1 :o end by ent]+ on ! div9e way1 aft] w&]+ = ye>s :]e *ance might take !m1 call on ! ,"l s soon z !y awake4 ,at break ( day ! s\l ?9ks itself well1 ?9ks itself firm]1 & at once takes occasion ( ?is fleet+ en]gy to =get ,god4 ,x is ) ! s\l z ) ! body :5 x is sick4 ,:5 night comes our s5sations are /rong]1 pa9 :i* 0 quiet$ awakes1 ! fev] :i* slept blazes up aga91 fil? revives & w\nds ble$ anew1 & !n x ?9ks ( ! div9e ,miracle-work]1 x ?9ks ( ,*ri/4 ,d y pray 9 ! ev5+8 ,sometimes--& yet x is v difficult2 ! aft]noon is tol]able1 b y say truly :5 ! daylight goes1 evils spr+ up4 ,a :ole cavalcade ( obsc5e ideas !n pass ?r\gh my bra92 h[ c any "o be recollect$ at su* mom5ts8 ,if y d n feel able to resi/ 9 ! /reet or at home1 :y d y n take refuge 9 ! *ur*es8 ,b !y are clos$ :5 "o has mo/ ne$ ( !m2 ! cl]gy put ,jesus to b$ at nightfall4 ,i "k x1 b if mo/ *ur*es are clos$1 !re are a few :i* rema9 p>tly op5 v late4 ,ah1 ,/4 ,sulpice is among ! numb]1 & !re is "o :i* rema9s op5 e ev5+1 & :]e ^? :o visit x are always sure ( pray]s & ,b5$iction3 ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 ,i ?9k y "k x4 ,yes1 ,monsieur l',abb4 ,x is ugly en\gh to cause te>s1 x is pret5ti\s1 x is 9 bad ta/e1 & ! s+]s *urn up a m>g>9e ( rancid tones4 ,i d n g !re !n z ,i g to ,/4 ,sev]9 & ,/4 ,sulpice1 to admire !re ! art ( ! old ',prais]s ( ,god1' to li/51 ev5 if !y are incorrectly giv51 to ! broad1 famili> melodies ( pla9 *ant4 ,notre ,dame des ,victoires is wor?less f ! /hetic po9t ( view1 & yet ,i g !re f "t to "t1 because alone 9 ,p>is x has ! irresi/ible attraction ( true piety1 x alone pres]ves intact ! lo/ s\l ( ! ,"t4 ,at :atev] h\r "o goes !re p are pray+ !re1 pro/rate 9 absolute sil5ce2 x is full z soon z x is op51 & full at its clos+1 !re is a con/ant com+ & go+ ( pilgrims f all p>ts ( ,p>is1 arriv+ f ! dep?s ( ! prov9ces1 & x seems t ea* "o1 by ! pray]s t he br+s1 adds fuel to ! imm5se brazi] ( ,fai? ^: flames break out aga9 "u ! smoky ar*es l ! ?\s&s ( tap]s :i* con/antly burn1 & are r5ew$ f morn+ till ev5+1 be=e ,our ,lady4 ,well1 ,i :o seek ! mo/ des]t$ corn]s & ! d>ke/ places 9 ! *apels1 ,i :o hate mobs1 mix almo/ will+ly ) ^? ,i f9d !re2 because !re ev]yone is isolat$1 no "o is conc]n$ ) 8 neighb\r1 y d n see ! human bodies :i* ?rong y1 b y feel ! brea? ( s\ls ar\nd4 ,h[ev] refractory1 h[ev] damp y may be1 y end by tak+ fire at ?is contact1 & are a/oni%$ to f9d y\rself all at once less vile2 x seems to me t ! pray]s :i* else:]e :5 !y leave my lips fall back to ! gr\nd exhau/$ & *ill$1 spr+ upw>ds 9 t place1 are borne on by o!rs1 gr[ w>m & so> & live4 ,at ,/4 ,sev]9 ,i h inde$ exp]i5c$ ! s5sation ( a help spread+ f ! pill>s & runn+ ?r\gh ! ar*es1 b1 z ,i ?9k1 ! aid is less /rong4 ,p]haps s9ce ! ,middle ,ages t *ur* makes use (1 b _c r5ew ! cele/ial effluvia ) :i* x is *>g$2 :ile at ,notre ,dame ! help :i* spr+s up f ! v pavem5t is = ev] vivifi$ by ! un9t]rupt$ pres5ce ( an ard5t cr[d4 ,9 ! "o x is ! impregnate /one1 ! *ur* itself :i* br+s consolation1 9 ! o!r x is above all ?+s ! f]v\r ( ! cr[ds :i* fill x4 ,& !n ,i h ! /range impression t ! ,virg91 attract$ & reta9$ by s great fai?1 only sp5ds a little :ile 9 o!r *ur*es1 goes !re z a visitor1 b has made h] home1 & really resides 9 ,notre ,dame4 ,! abb smil$4 ,come1 ,i see t y "k & love x2 & yet ! *ur* is n on our left bank1 beyond :i*1 y said to me "o day1 !re is no sanctu>y wor? hav+4 ,yes1 & ,i am surpris$ at x1 especially z x is plac$ 9 a ?or\ghly comm]cial qu>t]1 two paces f ! ,ex*ange1 ^: ignoble %\ts c be he>d 9 x4 ,x 0 itself an ,ex*ange1 said ! abb4 ,9 :at way8 ,aft] hav+ be5 baptiz$ by ! monks1 & hav+ s]v$ z a *apel = ! discalc$ ,augu/9ians1 x 0 horribly desecrat$ 9 ! ,revolution1 & ! ,ex*ange 0 set up )9 its walls4 ,i 0 n aw>e ( t detail1 said ,durtal4 ,b1 cont9u$ ! abb1 x 0 ) x1 z ) ^? holy wom51 :o1 if we believe _! biograph]s1 recov]$ by a life ( pray] ! virg9ity !y _h =m]ly lo/4 ,our ,lady wa%$ x f its violation1 & ?\gh x is comp>atively mod]n1 x is at ! pres5t day saturat$ ) emanations1 infus$ by efflu5ces ( angels1 p5etrat$ ) div9e drugs1 x is = sick s\ls :at c]ta9 !rmal spr+s are = ! body4 ,p keep _! season !re1 make _! nov5as1 & obta9 _! cure4 ,n[ to come back to our po9t2 ,i tell y y w d wisely1 if on y\r bad ev5+s y w att5d ,b5$iction 9 t *ur*4 ,i %all be surpris$ if y d n come out cleans$ & at peace4 ,if he h only t to (f] me1 x is little en\gh1 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,& aft] a disappo9t$ sil5ce he rejo9$1 ,b1 ,monsieur l',abb1 ev5 7 ,i to visit t sanctu>y1 & foll[ ! (fices 9 o!r *ur*es1 :5 temptations assail me1 ev5 7 ,i to confess & draw ne> ! ,sacram5ts1 h[ w\ld t advantage me8 ,i %\ld meet z ,i came out ! woman ^: v sight inflames my s5ses1 & x w\ld be ) me z aft] my leav+ ,/4 ,sev]9 all unn]v$2 ! v feel+ ( t5d]ness :i* ,i _h 9 ! *apel w\ld de/roy me1 & ,i %\ld fall back into s94 ,:at d y "k ab\t x8 & ! prie/ sudd5ly rose1 & took long /rides ?r\gh ! room4 ,y h no "r to speak ?us1 = ! virtue ( ! ,sacram5t is =mal1 ! man :o has communicat$ is no long] alone4 ,he is arm$ aga9/ o!rs & def5d$ aga9/ himself1 & cross+ 8 arms be=e ,durtal he exclaim$1-- ,to lose "o's s\l = ! pleasure ( mom5t>y gratification6 :at madness4 ,& s9ce ! "t ( y\r conv]sion1 does n t disgu/ y8 ,yes1 ,i am disgu/$ ) myself1 b only aft] my sw9i% desires are satisfi$4 ,if only ,i c\ld ga9 true rep5tance4 ,re/ assur$1 said ! abb1 :o sat d[n aga91 y w f9d x4 ,&1 see+ t ,durtal %ook 8 head1 ,rememb] :at ,sa9t ,t]esa said3 ',"o tr\ble ( ^? :o are beg9n+ is1 t !y _c recognize :e!r !y h true rep5tance = _! faults2 b !y h x1 & ! pro( is _! s9c]e resolution to s]ve ,god4' ,?9k ( t s5t5ce1 = x applies to y2 t repugnance to y\r s9s :i* we>ies y is witness to y\r regret1 & y h a desire to s]ve ! ,"l1 s9ce y are 9 fact /ruggl+ to g to ,him4 ,!re 0 a mom5t ( sil5ce4 ,well1 !n1 ,monsieur l',abb1 :at is y\r advice8 ,i advise y to pray 9 y\r own h\se1 9 *ur*1 ev]y:]e1 z mu* z y c4 ,i d n prescribe any religi\s rem$y1 ,i simply invite y to pr(it by "s precepts ( pi\s hygi5e1 aft]w>ds we w see4 ,durtal rema9$ undecid$1 discont5t$1 l ^? sick p]sons :o f9d fault ) doctors1 :o1 to satisfy !m1 prescribe only col\rless drugs4 ,! prie/ laugh$4 ,confess1 he said1 look+ him 9 ! face1 confess t y are say+ to y\rself1 ',x 0 n wor? :ile to put myself out1 = ,i am no fur!r advanc$1 ?is good fell[1 ! prie/1 practises expectant m$ic9e2 in/ead ( cutt+ %ort my crises ) en]getic rem$ies1 he palt]s1 advises me to g to b$ e>ly1 n to cat* cold--' ,oh1 ,monsieur l',abb1 prote/$ ,durtal4 ,yet ,i d n wi% to treat y l a *ild1 or talk to y l a woman2 n[ att5d to me6 ,! way 9 :i* y\r conv]sion has work$ leaves me 9 no d\bt :atev]4 ,!re has be5 :at ,my/icism calls ! div9e t\*1 only--note ?is--,god has disp5s$ ) human int]v5tion1 ev5 ) ! int]f]5ce ( a prie/1 to br+ y back into ! road y h left = m ?an tw5ty ye>s4 ,n[ we _c reasonably suppose t ! ,"l has act$ lightly1 & t ,he w n[ leave ,8 "w unaccompli%$4 ,he w c>ry x ?r\gh if y put no ob/acle 9 ,8 way4 ,9 fact y are at ?is mom5t l a block 9 ,8 h&s2 :at w ,he d ) x8 ,i d n "k1 b s9ce ,he has kept to ,himself ! conduct ( y\r s\l1 let ,him act2 be pati5t1 ,he w expla9 ,8 action2 tru/ 9 ,him1 ,he w help y2 be cont5t to prote/ ) ! ,psalmi/3 ',doce me fac]e voluntatem tuam1 quia ,deus meus es tu4' ,i tell y aga9 ,i believe 9 ! prev5tive virtue1 ! =mal p[] ( ! ,sacram5ts4 ,i q und]/& ! sy/em ( ,pre ,mill]iot1 :o oblig$ ^? p]sons to communicate :om he ?\ght w\ld aft]w>ds fall aga9 into s94 ,= _! only p5ance he oblig$ !m to communicate aga9 & aga91 & he end$ by purify+ !m ) ! ,sacr$ ,species1 tak5 9 l>ge doses4 ,x is a doctr9e at once reali/ic & exalt$4 ,b reassure y\rself1 cont9u$ ! abb1 look+ at ,durtal1 :o seem$ we>i$1 ,i d n int5d to exp]im5t on y 9 ?is way2 on ! contr>y1 my advice is t 9 ! /ate ( ignorance 9 :i* we are ( ,god's w1 y ab/a9 f ! ,sacram5ts4 ,= y %\ld desire !m1 & x %\ld come f y r ?an f ,him2 be sure t soon] or lat] y w ?ir/ = ,p5ance1 hung] = ! ,eu*>i/4 ,well1 :5 unable to re/ra9 y\rself long]1 y ask = p>don & entreat to be all[$ to approa* ! ,holy ,table1 we %all see1 we w ask ,him :at way ,he w *oose to take1 9 ord] to save y4 ,b !re are n1 ,i presume1 sev]al ways ( confess+ & communicat+8 ,c]ta9ly n1 t is j :at ,i meant to say 444 b 444 ,& ! prie/ hesitat$1 at a loss = words4 ,x is q c]ta91 he began aga91 t art has be5 ! pr9cipal means :i* ! ,savi\r has us$ to make y absorb ! ,fai?4 ,he has tak5 y on y\r weak side--or /rong side1 if y l t bett]4 ,he has infus$ into y\r nature ! *ief my/ical works2 he has p]suad$ & conv]t$ y1 less by ! way ( reason ?an ! way ( ! s5ses2 & inde$ ^? are ! special conditions y h to take into acc\nt4 ,on ! o!r h& y\r s\l is n humble & simple1 y are a sort ( 's5sitive1' :om ! lea/ imprud5ce1 ! lea/ /upidity ( a confessor w\ld at once repel4 ,!re=e t y may n be at ! m]cy ( a tr\blesome impression1 c]ta9 precautions mu/ be tak54 ,9 ! /ate ( weakness & feebl5ess 9 :i* y are1 a disagreeable face1 an unlucky ^w1 antipa!tic surr\nd+s1 a m]e no?+ w\ld be en\gh to r\t y--is x n s8 ,alas6 sigh$ ,durtal1 ,i am oblig$ to answ] t y are "r2 b1 ,monsieur l',abb1 ,i d n ?9k ,i %all h to fe> su* disillusions if :5 ! mom5t y pr$ict has come y w all[ me to make my confession to y4 ,! prie/ 0 sil5t = a :ile2 !n said1 ,no d\bt1 s9ce ,i h met y1 ,i may probably be useful to y1 b ,i h an idea t my "p w be conf9$ to po9t+ out ! road to y2 ,i %all be a connect+ l9k1 & no?+ m1 y w end z y h begun1 )\t help1 alone4 ,! abb rema9$ 9 ?\ght1 !n %ook 8 head1 & w5t on3 ,let u leave ! subject1 h[ev]1 = we _c anticipate ! designs ( ,god2 to sum up1 try to /ifle 9 pray] y\r attacks ( ! fle%1 x is a less matt] n to be ov]come at ! mom5t1 ?an to direct all y\r ef=ts n to be s4 ,!n ! prie/ add$ g5tly to r\se ! spirits ( ,durtal1 :om he saw to be depress$1 ,if y fall d n despair1 & ?r[ ! h&le aft] ! hat*et4 ,say to y\rself1 t1 aft] all ,lu/ is n ! mo/ unp>donable ( faults1 t x is "o ( two s9s = :i* ! human be+ pays ca%1 & :i* are consequ5tly expiat$ 9 "p at lea/ be=e dea?4 ,say to y\rself t wantonness & av>ice refuse all cr$it & w n wait2 & 9 fact1 :oev] unlawfully commits a fle%ly act is almo/ always puni%$ 9 8 lifetime4 ,= "s !re are ba/>ds to provide =1 sickly wives1 l[ connections1 brok5 c>e]s1 abom9able deceptions on ! "p ( ^? !y h lov$4 ,on :i*ev] side we turn :5 wom5 are conc]n$ we h to suff]1 = %e is ! mo/ p[]ful in/rum5t ( sorr[ :i* ,god has giv5 to man4 ,x is ! same ) ! passion = ga94 ,e be+ :o all[s himself to be ov]come by t hateful s91 pays = x z a rule be=e 8 dea?4 ,look at ! ,panama bus9ess4 ,cooks1 h\sekeep]s1 small proprietors :o till !n _h liv$ 9 peace1 seek+ no inord9ate ga9s1 no illicit pr(it1 ?rew !mselves l madm5 into t bus9ess4 ,!y _h "o only ?\ght1 to ga9 money2 ! *a/isem5t ( _! cupidity 01 z y "k1 sudd54 ,yes1 said ,durtal1 laugh+1 ! de ,lesseps 7 ! ag5ts ( provid5ce1 :5 !y /ole ! sav+s ( fools1 :o _h moreov] got !m probably by ?iev+4 ,9 a ^w1 said ! abb1 ,i repeat my la/ advice3 d n be at all disc\rag$ if y s9k4 ,d n despise y\rself too mu*2 h ! c\rage to ent] a *ur* aft]w>ds2 = ! devil cat*es y by c[>dice1 ! false %ame1 ! false humility he sugge/s1 n\ri%1 ma9ta91 solidify y\r wantonness 9 "s measure4 ,well6 no good-bye2 come & see me soon aga94 ,durtal f\nd himself 9 ! /reet a little confus$4 ,x is evid5t1 he murmur$1 z he /alk$ along1 t ! ,abb ,gvres9 is a clev] spiritual wat*mak]4 ,he has dext]\sly tak5 to pieces ! movem5t ( my passions1 & made ! h\rs ( idl5ess & we>9ess /rike1 b1 aft] all1 8 advice comes only to ?is3 /ew 9 y\r own juice & wait4 ,inde$ he is "r2 if ,i _h come to ! po9t ,i %\ld n h gone to him to *att]1 b really to confess4 ,:at is /range is t he does n at all seem to ?9k he w h to put me ?r\gh ! wa%-tub2 & to :om does he mean me to g--to ! fir/ com] :o w w9d ab\t me 8 spool ( commonplaces1 & /roke me ) 8 big h&s )\t see+ cle>ly8 ,well1 well 444 :at is ! "t8 ,he look$ at 8 wat*4 ,six o'clock1 & ,i d n c>e to g home4 ,:at %all ,i d till d9n]8 ,he 0 ne> ,/4 ,sulpice4 ,he w5t 9 & sat d[n1 to cle> 8 ?\ghts a little1 tak+ a place 9 ! ,*apel ( ,our ,lady1 :i* at t h\r 0 almo/ empty4 ,he felt no wi% to pray1 & re/$ !re1 look+ at ! great ar* ( m>ble & gold1 l a sc5e 9 a !atre1 :]e ! ,virg91 ! only figure 9 ! light1 advances t[>ds ! fai?ful1 z f a decorat$ grotto1 on pla/] cl\ds4 ,mean:ile two ,little ,si/]s ( ! ,poor came & knelt n f> f him1 & m$itat$1 _! heads betwe5 _! h&s4 ,he ?\ght z he look$ at !m1-- ,^? s\ls are to be envi$ :o c ?us be ab/ract$ 9 pray]4 ,h[ d !y manage x8 ,=1 9 fact1 x is n easy1 if "o ?9ks ( ! sorr[s ( ! _w1 to praise ! vaunt$ m]cy ( ,god4 ,x is all v f9e to believe t ,he exi/s1 to be c]ta9 t ,he is good2 9 fact1 we d n "k ,him--we are ignorant ( ,him4 ,he is1 &1 9 fact1 ,he c only be1 imman5t1 p]man5t1 & inaccessible4 ,he is we "k n :at1 & at mo/ we "k :at ,he is n4 ,try to imag9e ,him1 & ! s5ses fail1 = ,he is above1 ab\t1 & 9 ea* "o ( u4 ,he is ?ree & ,he is "o2 ,he is ea* & ,he is all2 ,he is )\t beg9n+1 & ,he w be )\t end2 ,he is above all & = ev] incompreh5sible4 ,if we try to picture ,him to ourselves & give ,him a human wrappage1 we come back to ! simple conception ( ! e>ly times1 we repres5t ,him "u ! features ( an ance/or4 ,"s old ,italian model1 "s old ,fa!r ,t\rgneff1 ) a long be>d1 & we _c b smile1 s *ildi% is ! lik5ess ( ,god ! ,fa!r4 ,he is1 9 fact1 s absolutely above ! imag9ation & ! s5ses1 t ,he comes only nom9ally into pray]1 & ! impulses ( humanity asc5d especially to ! ,son1 ,:o only c be address$1 because ,he became man1 & is to u some:at ( an eld] bro!r1 because1 hav+ wept 9 human =m1 we ?9k ,he w he> u m readily1 & be m compassionate to our sorr[s4 ,z to ! ?ird ,p]son1 ,he is ev5 m disconc]t+ ?an ! fir/4 ,he is especially ! unkn[able4 ,h[ c we imag9e ?is ,god =mless & bodiless1 ?is ,sub/ance equal to ! two o!rs1 :o1 z x 71 brea! ,him =?8 ,we ?9k ( ,him z a brightness1 a fluid1 a brea?2 we _c ev5 l5d to ,him z to ! ,fa!r ! face ( a man1 s9ce on ! two occasions t ,he took to ,himself a body1 ,he %[$ ,himself "u ! lik5esses ( a dove & ( tongues ( fire1 & ^! two diff]5t aspects d n help to a sugge/ion ( ! new appe>ance ,he might assume4 ,c]ta9ly ! ,tr9ity is t]rible1 & makes ! bra9 reel4 ,ruysbrck has moreov] said admirably1 ',let ^? :o w\ld "k & /udy :at ,god is1 "k t x is =bidd52 !y w g mad4' ,s1 he cont9u$1 look+ at ! two ,little ,si/]s1 :o 7 n[ tell+ _! beads1 ^! good wom5 are "r n to try to und]/&1 & to conf9e !mselves to pray+ ) all _! he>t to ! ,"m & ! ,son4 ,moreov]1 9 all ! lives ( ! sa9ts :i* !y h read1 !y h made c]ta9 t ,jesus & ,m>y always appe>$ to ! elect to console & /r5g!n !m4 ,9 fact1 h[ /upid ,i am4 ,to pray to ! ,son is to pray to ! two o!rs1 = 9 pray+ to "o among !m ,i pray at ! same "t to ! ?ree1 s9ce ! ?ree make b "o4 ,& ! ,sub/ances are1 h[ev]1 special1 because if ! div9e ,ess5ce is "o & simple1 x is s 9 ! ?reefold di/9ction ( ! ,p]sons2 b1 aga91 :at is ! use ( fa?om+ ! ,imp5etrable8 ,yet1 he cont9u$1 rememb]+ ! int]view he _h j _h ) ! prie/1 h[ w all ?is end8 ,if ! abb be "r1 ,i no long] belong to myself2 ,i am ab\t to ent] ! unkn[n1 :i* fright5s me4 ,if only ! s\nd ( my vices cons5ts to be sil5t1 b ,i feel t !y rise furi\sly )9 me4 ,ah1 t ,flor5ce--& he ?\ght ( a woman to ^: vag>ies he 0 rivet$--cont9ues to walk ab\t 9 my bra94 ,i see h] beh9d ! l[]$ curta9 ( my eyes1 & :5 ,i ?9k ( h] ,i am a t]rible c[>d4 ,he endeav\r$ once m to put h] away1 b 8 w 0 ov]come at ! sight ( h]4 ,he hat$1 despis$1 & ev5 curs$ h]1 b ! madness ( 8 illusions excit$ him2 he left h] disgu/$ ) h] & ) himself2 he swore he w\ld nev] see h] aga91 b did n keep 8 resolve4 ,he saw h] n[ 9 vision ext5d h] h& to him4 ,he recoil$1 /ruggl+ to free himself2 b 8 dream cont9u$ m+l+ h] ) ! =m ( "o ( ! si/]s ^: g5tle pr(ile he saw4 ,sudd5ly he />t$1 return$ to ! real _w1 & saw t he 0 at ,/4 ,sulpice1 9 ! *apel4 ,x is disgu/+ t ,i %\ld come "h to soil ! *ur* ) my horrible dreams2 ,i _h bett] g4 ,he w5t out 9 confusion1 ?9k+1 ,p]haps if ,i visit ,flor5ce once aga91 ,i may p]haps put an end to ?is haunt+ s5se ( h] pres5ce1 see+ & kn[+ ! reality4 ,& he 0 oblig$ to answ] himself t he 0 becom+ idiotic1 = he knew by exp]i5ce t pa/ desire gr[s 9 proportion z x is n\ri%$4 ,no1 ! abb 0 "r2 ,i h to become & to rema9 p5it5t4 ,b h[8 ,pray8 ,h[ c ,i pray1 :5 evil imag9ations pursue me ev5 9 *ur*8 ,evil dreams foll[$ me to ,la ,glacire2 "h !y appe> aga91 & smite me to ! gr\nd4 ,h[ c ,i def5d myself8 = inde$ x is frightful to be ?us alone1 to "k no?+ & h no pro(1 to feel ! pray]s :i* "o te>s out ( oneself fall into ! sil5ce & ! void )\t a ge/ure to answ]1 )\t a ^w ( enc\ragem5t1 )\t a sign4 ,i d n ev5 "k if ,he be !re1 & if ,he li/5s4 ,! abb tells me to wait an indication1 an ord] f on high2 b1 alas6 !y come to me f bel[4 ,,*apt] ,,vi4 ,_m mon?s pass$4 ,durtal cont9u$ 8 alt]nation ( wanton & pi\s ideas4 ,)\t p[] to resi/1 he saw himself slipp+4 ,all ?is is f> f cle>1 he cri$1 "o day1 9 a rage1 :51 less apa!tic ?an usual1 he =c$ himself to take /ock4 ,n[1 ,monsieur l',abb1 :at does ?is mean8 ,:5ev] my s5sual obsessions are weak]1 s also are my religi\s impressions4 ,t means1 said ! prie/1 t y\r adv]s>y is hold+ out to y ! mo/ trea*]\s ( 8 baits4 ,he seeks to p]suade y t y w nev] atta9 to any?+ unless y w give y\rself up to ! mo/ repugnant excesses4 ,he tries to conv9ce y t satiety & disgu/ ( ^! acts alone w br+ y back to ,god2 he incites y to commit !m t !y may1 s to speak1 br+ ab\t y\r deliv]ance2 he leads y into s9 "u pretext ( deliv]+ y f x4 ,h a little en]gy1 despise ^! sophi/ries & resi/ him4 ,he w5t to see ! ,abb ,gvres9 e week4 ,he lik$ ! pati5t discretion ( ! old prie/1 :o let him talk :5 he 0 9 a confid5tial hum\r1 li/5$ to him c>efully1 manife/$ no surprise at 8 frequ5t temptations & 8 falls4 ,only ! abb always return$ to 8 fir/ advice1 insi/$ on regul> pray]1 & t ,durtal %\ld ea* day1 if possible1 visit a *ur*4 ,he also n[ said1 ,! h\r is important = ! success ( ^! practices4 ,if y wi% t ! *apels %\ld be fav\rable to y1 get up 9 "t to be pres5t at daybreak at ! fir/ mass1 ! s]vants' mass1 & also be v (t5 9 ! sanctu>ies at nightfall4 ,! prie/ _h evid5tly =m$ a plan2 ,durtal did n yet :olly und]/& x1 b he 0 b\nd to admit t ?is discipl9e ( temporiz+1 ?is con/ant call to ?\ght always direct$ to ,god1 by 8 daily visits to ! *ur*es1 act$ ^u him at la/1 & little by little s(t5$ 8 s\l4 ,"o fact prov$ x3 t he :o = s long a "t _h be5 unable to m$itate 9 ! morn+1 n[ pray$ z soon z he awoke4 ,ev5 9 ! aft]noon he f\nd himself on "s days seiz$ ) ! ne$ ( speak+ humbly ) ,god1 ) an irresi/ible desire to ask ,8 p>don & implore ,8 help4 ,x seem$ !n t ! ,"l knock$ at 8 door ) g5tle t\*es1 wi%+ s to recall 8 att5tion1 & draw him to ,him2 b :51 s(t5$ & tr\bl$1 ,durtal w\ld ent] into himself to seek ,god1 he w&]$ vaguely1 n kn[+ :at he said1 & ?9k+ ( o!r ?+s :ile speak+ to ,him4 ,he compla9$ ( ^! w&]+s & di/ractions to ! prie/1 :o answ]$1-- ,y are on ! ?re%old ( ! probation>y life2 y _c yet exp]i5ce ! sweet & famili> fri5d%ip ( pray]4 ,d n sadd5 y\rself because y _c close beh9d y ! gate ( y\r s5ses4 ,wat* & wait2 pray badly if y c d no?+ else1 b pray all ! same4 ,be v sure too t e "o has exp]i5c$ ! tr\bles :i* di/ress y2 above all1 believe t we d n walk bl9dfold1 t ,my/icism is an absolutely exact sci5ce4 ,x c =etell ! great] "p ( ! ph5om5a :i* occur 9 t s\l :i* ! ,"l int5ds = a p]fect life2 x foll[s also spiritual op]ations ) ! same cle>ness z physiology obs]ves ! diff]5t /ates ( ! body4 ,= ages & ages x has disclos$ ! progress ( grace & its effects1 n[ impetu\s & n[ sl[2 x has ev5 po9t$ out ! modifications ( mat]ial organs :i* are trans=m$ :5 ! s\l entirely loses itself 9 ,god4 ,sa9t ,d5ys ! ,areopagite1 ,sa9t ,bonav5ture1 ,hugh & ,ri*>d ( ,sa9t ,victor1 ,sa9t ,?omas ,aqu9as1 ,sa9t ,b]n>d1 ,ruysbrck1 ,angela ( ,foligno1 ! two ,eckh>ts1 ,taul]1 ,suso1 ,d5ys ! ,c>?usian1 ,sa9t ,hildeg>de1 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa1 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a1 ,sa9t ,magdal5 ( ,pazzi1 ,sa9t ,g]trude1 & o!rs h set =? 9 a ma/]ly way ! pr9ciples & !ories ( ,my/icism1 & x has f\nd at la/ an admirable psy*ologi/ to sum up its rules & _! exceptions2 a ,sa9t :o has v]ifi$ 9 h] own p]son ! sup]natural phases %e has describ$--a woman ^: lucidity 0 m ?an human--,sa9t ,t]esa4 ,y h read h] life1 & h] ',ca/les ( ! ,s\l'6 ,durtal nodd$ ass5t4 ,!n y h y\r in=mation2 y ought to "k t be=e rea*+ ! %ores ( ,bless$ness1 be=e arriv+ at ! fif? dwell+ ( ! int]ior ca/le1 at t pray] ( union :]e9 ! s\l is awak5$ 9 reg>d to ,god1 & completely asleep to all ?+s ( e>? & to h]self1 %e mu/ pass ?r\gh lam5table /ates ( dryness1 & ! mo/ pa9ful /ra9+s4 ,take he>t !re=e2 say to y\rself t ?is dryness %\ld be a s\rce ( humility1 & n a cause ( disquietude2 d1 9 fact1 z ,sa9t ,t]esa w\ld h y3 c>ry y\r cross1 & n drag x aft] y4 ,t magnific5t & t]rible ,sa9t fright5s me1 sigh$ ,durtal4 ,i h read h] works1 &1 d y "k1 %e gives me ! idea ( a /a9less lily1 b a metallic lily1 =g$ ( wr\ght iron2 y w admit t ^? :o suff] h scant consolations to expect f h]4 ,yes2 9 ! s5se t %e does n ?9k ( ! creature except 9 ! way ( ,my/icism4 ,%e supposes ! fields already pl\gh$1 ! s\l already fre$ f its m vehem5t temptations1 & %elt]$ f crises2 h] />t+-po9t is z yet too high & too di/ant = y1 =1 9 fact1 %e is address+ nuns1 wom5 ( ! cloi/]1 be+s :o live ap>t f ! _w1 & :o are consequ5tly already advanc$ on ^? ascetic ways :]e9 ,god is lead+ !m4 ,b make an ef=t 9 ! _s to free y\rself f ?is mud1 ca/ away = a few mom5ts ! memory ( y\r imp]fections & y\r tr\bles1 & foll[ h]4 ,see !n h[ exp]i5c$ %e is 9 ! doma9 ( ! sup]natural1 h[1 9 spite ( h] repetitions & t$i\sness1 %e expla9s wisely & cle>ly ! me*anism ( ! s\l unfold+ :5 ,god t\*es x4 ,9 subjects :]e words fail & phrases crumble away1 %e succe$s 9 mak+ h]self und]/ood1 9 %[+1 mak+ felt1 almo/ mak+ visible1 ! inconceivable sight ( ,god buri$ 9 ! s\l1 & tak+ ,8 pleasure !re4 ,& %e goes /ill fur!r into ! my/]y1 ev5 to ! end2 b\nds ) a f9al spr+ to ! v gates ( heav51 b !n %e fa9ts on adoration1 & be+ unable to express h]self fur!r1 %e so>s1 describ+ circles l a fright5$ bird1 w&]+ beyond h]self1 9 cries ( love4 ,yes1 ,monsieur l',abb1 ,i recognize t ,sa9t ,t]esa has explor$ deep] ?an any o!r ! unkn[n regions ( ! s\l2 %e is 9 "s measure its geograph]1 has drawn ! map ( its poles1 m>k$ ! latitudes ( contemplation1 ! int]ior l&s ( ! human sky4 ,o!r ,sa9ts h explor$ !m be=e h]1 b !y h n left u s me?odical nor s exact a topography4 ,b 9 spite ( ?is ,i pref] ^? my/ical writ]s :o h less self-analysis1 & discuss less1 :o always d ?r\gh\t _! works :at ,sa9t ,t]esa did at ! end ( h]s--t is1 :o are all on fire f ! fir/ page to ! la/1 & are consum$ & lo/ at ! feet ( ,*ri/4 ,ruysbrck is among ^!4 ,! little volume :i* ,hello has translat$ is a v furnace2 &1 aga91 to quote a woman1 take ,sa9t ,angela ( ,foligno1 n s mu* 9 ! book ( h] visions :i* may n be always effectual1 z 9 ! wond]ful life :i* %e dictat$ to ,bro!r ,arm&1 h] confessor4 ,%e too expla9s1 & mu* e>li] ?an ,sa9t ,t]esa1 ! pr9ciples & effects ( ,my/icism2 b if %e is less pr(\nd1 less clev] 9 def9+ %ades1 on ! o!r h& %e is wond]fully effusive & t5d]4 ,%e c>esses ! s\l2 %e is a ,bac*ante ( div9e love1 a ,mnad ( purity4 ,*ri/ loves h]1 holds long conv]sations ) h]2 ! words %e has reta9$ surpass all lit]ature1 & are manife/ly ! mo/ beautiful ev] writt54 ,?is is no long] ! r\gh ,*ri/1 ! ,spani% ,*ri/ :o beg9s by trampl+ on ,8 creature to make him m supple2 ,he is ! m]ciful ,*ri/ ( ! ,gospels1 ! g5tle ,*ri/ ( ,sa9t ,francis1 & ,i l ! ,*ri/ ( ! ,franciscans bett] ?an ! ,*ri/ ( ! ,c>melites4 ,:at w y say1 !n1 said ! abb1 ) a smile1 ( ,/4 ,john ( ! ,cross8 ,y comp>$ ,sa9t ,t]esa j n[ to a fl[] 9 wr\ght iron2 he too is su*1 b he is ! lily ( tortures1 ! royal fl[] :i* ! execution]s 7 wont ( old "t to /amp on ! h]aldic fle% ( convicts4 ,l r$-hot iron1 he is at ! same "t burn+ & sombre4 ,z y turn ov] ! pages1 ,sa9t ,t]esa n[ & !n b5ds ov] & sorr[s & compassionates u2 he rema9s imp5etrable1 buri$ 9 8 int]nal abyss1 occupi$1 above all ?+s1 9 describ+ ! suff]+s ( ! s\l :i*1 aft] hav+ crucifi$ its desires1 passes ?r\gh ! ',night obscure1' t is to say1 ?r\gh ! r5unciation ( all :i* comes f ! s5sible & ! creat$4 ,he wills t we %\ld ext+ui% our imag9ation--s le?>gize x t x c no long] =m images--imprison our s5ses1 annihilate our faculties4 ,he wills t he :o desires to unite himself to ,god %\ld place himself "u an exhau/$ receiv]1 & make a vacuum )91 s t1 if he *oose1 ! ,pilgrim %\ld desc5d !re91 & purify himself1 te>+ out ! rema9s ( s9s1 extirpat+ ! la/ relics ( vice4 ,!n ! suff]+s :i* ! s\l endures ov]pass ! b\nds ( ! possible1 x lies lo/ 9 utt] d>kness1 falls "u disc\ragem5t & fatigue1 believes itself = ev] ab&on$ by ,him to :om x cries1 :o n[ hides ,himself & answ]s n aga91 happy /ill :5 9 t agony1 ! pangs ( ! fle% are n add$1 & t abom9able _s :i* ,isaias calls ! _s ( confusion1 & :i* is none o!r ?an ! disease ( scrupul\sness pu%$ to its extreme4 ,sa9t ,john makes y %udd] :5 he cries out t ?is night ( ! s\l is bitt] & t]rible1 & t ! be+ :o suff]s x is plung$ alive into hell4 ,b :5 ! old man is purg$ out1 :5 he is scrap$ at e seam1 rak$ ov] e face1 light spr+s out1 & ,god appe>s4 ,!n ! s\l ca/s itself l a *ild into ,8 arms1 & ! incompreh5sible fusion takes place4 ,y see ,sa9t ,john p5etrates m deeply ?an o!rs into ! dep?s ( my/ical initiation4 ,he also1 l ,sa9t ,t]esa & ,ruysbrck1 treats ( ! spiritual m>riage1 ( ! influx ( grace1 & its gifts2 b he fir/ d>$ to describe m9utely ! dolor\s phases :i* till !n _h be5 b h9t$ at ) trembl+4 ,!n if he is an admirable !ologian1 he is also a rigor\s & cle>-sight$ sa9t4 ,he has n ^? weaknesses :i* are natural to a woman2 he does n lose himself 9 digressions1 nor return cont9ually on 8 own /eps2 he walks /raight =w>d1 b y (t5 see him at ! end ( ! road1 blood-/a9$ & t]rible1 ) dry eyes4 ,b1 b1 said ,durtal1 surely n all s\ls :om ,*ri/ w lead 9 ! ways ( my/icism are tri$ ?us8 ,yes1 almo/ always1 m or less4 ,i w confess t ,i ?\ght ! spiritual life 0 less arid & less complex4 ,i imag9$ t by lead+ a pure life1 pray+ "o's be/1 & communicat+1 "o w\ld atta9 )\t mu* tr\ble1 n inde$ to ta/e ! inf9ite joys res]v$ = ! sa9ts1 b at la/ to possess ! ,"l1 & live1 at lea/1 ne> ,him1 at re/4 ,& ,i %\ld be q cont5t ) ?is middle class joy4 ,! price paid 9 advance = ! exaltation describ$ by ,sa9t ,john disconc]ts me4 ,! abb smil$1 b made no answ]4 ,b d y "k t if x be s1 repli$ ,durtal1 we are v f> f ! ,ca?olicism t is taught u8 ,x is s practical1 s b5ign1 s g5tle1 9 comp>ison ) ,my/icism4 ,x is made = lukew>m s\ls--t is to say1 = almo/ all ! pi\s s\ls :i* are ab\t u2 x lives 9 a mod]ate atmosph]e1 )\t too great suff]+ or too mu* joy2 x only c be assimilat$ by ! masses1 & ! prie/s are "r to pres5t x ?us1 s9ce o!rwise ! fai?ful w\ld cease to und]/& x1 or w\ld take flight 9 al>m4 ,b if ,god judge t a mod]ate religion is amply suffici5t--= ! masses believe t he dem&s ! mo/ pa9ful ef=ts on ! "p ( ^? :om he deigns to initiate into ! supremely adorable my/]ies ( ,8 ,p]son--x is necess>y & j t he %\ld mortify !m be=e all[+ !m to ta/e ! ess5tial intoxication ( union ) ,him4 ,9 fact1 ! end ( ,my/icism is to r5d] visible1 s5sible1 almo/ palpable1 ! ,god :o rema9s sil5t & hidd5 f all4 ,& to ?r[ u into ,8 deep1 into ! sil5t abyss ( joy6 ,b 9 ord] to speak correctly1 we mu/ =get ! ord9>y use ( expressions :i* h be5 degrad$4 ,9 ord] to describe ?is my/]i\s love1 we are oblig$ to draw our comp>isons f human acts1 & to inflict on ! ,"l ! %ame ( our words4 ,we h to employ su* t]ms z 'union1' 'm>riage1' 'w$d+ fea/'2 b x is impossible to speak ( ! inexpressible1 & ) ! bas5ess ( our language decl>e ! ineffable imm]sion ( ! s\l 9 ,god4 ,! fact is1 murmur$ ,durtal 444 b to return to ,sa9t ,t]esa4444 ,%e too1 int]rupt$ ! abb1 has treat$ ( ?is ',night obscure' :i* t]rifies y2 b %e only speaks ( x 9 a few l9es4 ,%e calls x ! s\l's agony--a sadness s bitt] t %e /rove 9 va9 to depict x4 ,no d\bt1 b ,i pref] h] to ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 = %e is n s disc\rag+ z t inflexible sa9t4 ,admit t he belongs too mu* to ! l& ( ^? l>ge ,*ri/s :o ble$ 9 cav]ns4 ,( :at nationality !n 0 ,sa9t ,t]esa8 ,yes1 ,i "k %e 0 a ,spani>d1 b s complex1 s /range1 t race seems oblit]at$ 9 h]1 less cle>ly def9$4 ,x is cle> %e 0 an admirable psy*ologi/1 b also h[ /range is 9 h] ! mixture ( an ard5t my/ic & a cool woman ( bus9ess4 ,=1 9 fact1 %e has a d\ble nature2 %e is a contemplative outside ! _w1 & at ! same "t a /atesman1 a female ,colb]t ( ! cloi/]4 ,9 fact1 nev] 0 woman s consummate a skill$ artisan & s p[]ful an organiz]4 ,:5 we consid] t1 9 spite ( incr$ible difficulties1 %e f\nd$ ?irty-two nunn]ies1 t %e put !m all "u ob$i5ce to a rule :i* is a model ( wisdom1 a rule :i* =esees & rectifies ! mo/ ignor$ mi/akes ( ! he>t1 x is a/oni%+ to he> h] treat$ by /rong-m9d$ p z an hy/]ical madwoman4 ,"o ( ! di/9ctive m>ks ( ! my/ics1 answ]$ ! abb1 ) a smile1 is j _! absolute balance1 _! entire common s5se4 ,^! conv]sations *e]$ ,durtal2 !y plant$ on him se$s ( reflection :i* sprang up :5 he 0 alone2 !y enc\rag$ him to tru/ to ! advice ( ?is prie/1 & foll[ 8 c\nsels4 ,he f\nd himself all ! bett] = ?is conduct1 9 t 8 visits to ! *ur*es1 8 pray]s & read+s occupi$ 8 objectless life1 & he 0 no long] we>i$4 ,i h at lea/ ga9$ peaceable ev5+s & quiet nights1 he said to himself4 ,he knew ! soo?+ help ( a pi\s ev5+4 ,he visit$ ,/4 ,sulpice at ^? times :51 "u ! dull gleam ( ! lamps1 ! pill>s op5$ out & ?rew long panels ( d>kness on ! gr\nd4 ,! *apels :i* rema9$ op5 7 9 %ade1 & 9 ! nave be=e ! high alt> a s+le clu/] ( lamps1 above 9 ! d>kness1 %one out l a lum9\s bun* ( r$ roses4 ,9 ! /illness no s\nds 7 he>d b ! dull ?ud ( a door1 ! creak+ ( a *air1 ! %ort paces ( a woman1 ! hurri$ /ride ( a man4 ,durtal 0 almo/ isolat$ 9 ! obscure *apel :i* he _h *os52 he kept himself !re s f> f all1 s f> f ! city ^: full pulse 0 beat+ only two paces f him4 ,he knelt d[n & rema9$ /ill1 he prep>$ to speak1 & _h no?+ to say1 felt himself c>ri$ away by an impulse1 b no words came4 ,he end$ by fall+ into a vague languor1 exp]i5c+ t indol5t ease1 t dim s5se ( com=t1 :i* ! body feels 9 a m$icat$ ba?4 ,he fell a-dream+ ( ! lot ( ! wom5 :o 7 r\nd ab\t him "h & !re1 9 *airs4 ,ah6 ^? poor little black %awls1 ^? mis]able pleat$ caps1 ^? wret*$ tippets1 ^? doleful se$ ros>ies !y f+]$ 9 ! %ade4 ,"s 9 m\rn+1 sobb$ /ill inconsolable2 o!rs1 ov]:elm$1 b5t _! backs & hung _! heads on "o side2 o!rs pray$1 _! %\ld]s %ak+1 _! head 9 _! h&s4 ,! task ( ! day 0 ov]2 ^? we>i$ ( _! life came to ask = m]cy4 ,ev]y:]e mis=tune 0 kneel+1 = ! ri*1 ! heal?y1 ! happy h>dly pray2 all ar\nd 9 ! *ur* 7 wom51 wid[$ or old1 )\t love1 wom5 des]t$1 wom5 ^: home 0 a torture1 pray+ t exi/5ce might become m m]ciful1 t ! dissolut5ess ( _! husb&s might cease1 ! vices ( _! sons am5d1 ! heal? ( ^? !y lov$ gr[ /rong]4 ,a lam5table p]fume w5t up l inc5se to ,our ,lady f a v %eaf ( woes4 ,few m5 came to ?is hidd5 meet+-place ( tr\ble2 /ill few] "y p1 = ^! h n yet suff]$ en\gh2 !re 7 only a few old m51 & a few sick :o dragg$ !mselves along by ! backs ( ! *airs1 & a little hun*back1 :om ,durtal saw com+ !re e ev5+1 an outca/ :o c\ld only be lov$ by ,h] :o does n ev5 see ! body4 ,a burn+ pity seiz$ on ,durtal at ! sight ( ^? unhappy ones :o came to beg f ,heav5 a little ( ! love refus$ !m by m52 & he :o c\ld n pray on 8 own acc\nt end$ by jo9+ himself to _! plead+s1 & pray+ = !m4 ,s indiff]5t 9 ! aft]noon1 ! *ur*es 7 truly p]suasive1 truly sweet1 9 ! ev5+2 !y seem$ to be/ir !mselves at nightfall1 & to compassionate 9 _! solitude ! suff]+s ( ^? sick creatures ^: compla9ts !y he>d4 ,& _! fir/ mass 9 ! morn+1 ! mass ( work+ wom5 & s]vant maids 0 no less t\*+2 !re 7 !re no bigots nor curi\s p]sons1 b poor wom5 :o came to seek 9 communion /r5g? to live _! h\rs ( on]\s tasks & s]vile ne$s4 ,!y knew z !y left ! *ur* t !y 7 ! liv+ cu/odians ( a ,god1 ( ,him :o 0 ev] :ile on e>? ! ,poor ,man1 :o took pleasure only 9 s\ls :o _h sc>ce :]e to lay _! head2 !y knew !mselves ,8 *os51 & did n d\bt t :5 ,he entru/$ to !m "u ! =m ( bread ! memorial ( ,8 suff]+1 ,he dem&$ ( !m 9 ex*ange t !y %\ld live 9 sorr[ & humility4 ,& :at h>m !n c\ld d to !m ! c>es ( a day sp5t 9 ! salut>y %ame ( base occupations8 ,i n[ und]/&1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :y ! abb made su* a po9t ( my see+ ! *ur*es e>ly or late2 ^? are1 9 fact1 ! only times 9 :i* ! s\l exp&s4 ,b he 0 too idle to be (t5 pres5t at e>ly mass2 he 0 cont5t to take 8 relaxation aft] d9n] 9 ! *apels4 ,he came out ) a feel+ ( peace1 ev5 if he _h pray$ badly or n pray$ at all4 ,on o!r ev5+s1 on ! contr>y1 he felt tir$ ( solitude1 tir$ ( sil5ce1 tir$ ( d>kness1 & !n he ab&on$ ,/4 ,sulpice & w5t to ,notre ,dame des ,victoires4 ,9 ?is well-light$ sanctu>y !re 0 no long] t depression1 t despair ( poor wret*es :o dragg$ !mselves to ! ne>e/ *ur* & sat d[n 9 ! %ade4 ,! pilgrims to ,notre ,dame des ,victoires br\ght a sur] confid5ce1 & t fai? s(t5$ _! sorr[s1 ^: bitt]ness 0 dissipat$ 9 ! explosions ( hope1 ! /amm]+ adoration1 :i* sp\t$ up all ar\nd4 ,!re 7 two curr5ts 9 t refuge1 t ( p :o ask$ = fav\rs1 & t ( ^? :o1 hav+ ga9$ !m1 7 pr(use 9 ?ankfulness & 9 acts ( gratitude4 ,!re=e1 t *ur* _h its especial physiognomy1 m joy\s ?an sad1 less melan*oly1 m ard5t "u all circum/ances ?an t ( o!r *ur*es4 ,x _h1 moreov]1 ! peculi>ity ( be+ mu* frequ5t$ by m51 b less by hypocrites1 :o w n look y 9 ! face1 or ) upturn$ eyes1 ?an by m5 ( all classes ^: features 7 n degrad$ by false piety4 ,!re alone 7 to be se5 cle> expressions & clean faces2 !re1 above all1 0 n t horrible grimace ( ! work+ man ( ! ,ca?olic clubs--t hide\s creature 9 a bl\se1 ^: brea? belies ! ill-def9$ unction ( 8 features4 ,9 t *ur*1 cov]$ ) ex votos1 pla/]$ ev5 above ! ar*es ) inscriptions on m>ble celebrat+ ! joy = pray]s grant$ & b5efits receiv$1 be=e t alt> ( ,our ,lady :]e hundr$s ( tap]s pi]c$ ! air blue ) inc5se ) ! gild$ blades ( _! lances1 !re 7 public pray]s e ev5+ at eight4 ,a prie/ 9 ! pulpit said ! ros>y1 sometimes ! ,litany ( ,our ,lady 0 sung to a s+ul> air1 a sort ( musical c5to1 b x 0 impossible to say :5ce x 0 con/ruct$1 v rhy?mical1 & cont9ually *ang+ its tone1 n[ fa/1 n[ sl[1 br++ ) x1 = a mom5t1 a vague recollection ( sev5te5?-c5tury airs1 !n turn+ %>ply at a tang5t1 to a b>rel-organ tune1 a mod]n1 almo/ vulg>1 melody4 ,yet1 aft] all1 !re 0 some?+ tak+ 9 ?is s+ul> confusion ( s\nds aft] ! ,kyrie eleison & ! op5+ invocations4 ,! ,virg9 came ^u ! sc5e to a dance measure l a ballet girl2 b :5 c]ta9 ( h] attributes 7 p>ad$1 & c]ta9 ( h] symbolical names decl>$1 ! music became s+ul>ly respectful2 x became l[]1 halt+ & solemn1 ?rice repeat+1 on ! same motive1 "s ( h] attributes1 ! ,refugium ,peccatorum among o!rs2 !n x w5t on aga91 & began h] graces aga9 ) a skip4 ,:5 by *ance !re 0 no s]mon1 ! ,b5$iction took place imm$iately aft]w>ds4 ,!n ) rasp+s ( ! *oir1 a bass ) a cold1 & two boys :o snivell$ began _! liturgical *ants3 ,inviolata1 t langui%+ & pla9tive ,sequ5ce1 ) its cle> & drawl+ tune s weak1 s frail1 t x w\ld seem z if x %\ld only be sung by voices 9 a hospital2 !n ! ,p>ce ,dom9e1 t antiphon s suppliant & s sad2 la/ly1 t scrap1 deta*$ f ! ,panga ,l+ua1 ! ,tantum ergo1 humble & ?\ghtful1 att5tive & sl[4 ,:5 ! organ s\nd$ out ! fir/ *ords1 & t pla9 *ant melody began1 ! *oir _h only to cross _! arms & hold _! tongues4 ,z tap]s :i* are light$ by ?reads ( fulm9ate atta*$ "o to ! o!r1 ! fai?ful caught fire1 &1 accompani$ by ! organs1 /ruck up = !mselves ! humble & glori\s /ra9s4 ,!y 7 !n kneel+ on ! *airs1 pro/rate on ! pavem5t1 & :51 aft] ! ex*ange ( antiphons & responses1 aft] ! oremus1 ! prie/ asc5d$ to ! alt>1 8 %\ld]s & h&s enfold$ 9 ! :ite silk sc>f1 to take ! mon/rance1 !n1 at ! %rill & hurri$ s\nds ( ! bells1 a w9d pass$ :i* at once b5t e head l ! m[+ ( grass4 ,9 ^! gr\ps ( s\ls on fire !re 0 a fulness ( devotion1 a complete & absolute sil5ce1 till ! bells aga9 rang out1 & invit$ human life :i* _h be5 int]rupt$ to wrap itself 9 a great sign ( ! ,cross & resume its c\rse4 ,! ,laudate 0 n end$ :5 ,durtal left ! *ur*1 be=e ! cr[d began to move4 ,v]ily1 he said1 z he ent]$ 8 lodg+s1 ! f]v\r ( t congregation1 :o d n come z 9 o!r *ur*es f ! di/ricts1 b are pilgrims f ev]y:]e & "o kn[s n :]e1 is out ( tune ) ! blackgu>dism ( ?is fooli% age4 ,!n at ,notre ,dame at lea/ "o he>s curi\s s++1 & he be?\ght him ( ^? /range litanies :i* he _h he>d n[h]e else1 & yet he _h exp]i5c$ all k9ds1 9 *ur*es4 ,at ,/4 ,sulpice1 = example1 x 0 recit$ to two tunes4 ,:5 ! *oir sang x 0 set to a pla9 *ant melody1 bell[$ by ! gong ( a bass to :i* ! %>p fife ( ! boys made answ]2 b dur+ ,ros>y mon?1 on e day except ,?ursday ! task ( s++ x 0 entru/$ to "y ladies2 !n 9 ! ev5+ r\nd a :eezy old h>monium1 a tr\p ( "y & old geese1 made ,our ,lady run r\nd on h] litanies z on hobby horses to ! music ( a fair4 ,9 o!r *ur*es1 at ,/4 ,?omas ,aqu9as1 = example1 :]e !y 7 also dropp$ out by wom51 ! litanies 7 spr9kl$ ) p[d] & p]fum$ by b]gamot & amb]gris4 ,!y 71 9 fact1 adapt$ to a m9uet tune1 & !re=e did n disagree ) ! op]atic ar*itecture ( ! *ur*1 :]e !y pres5t$ a ,virg9 walk+ ) m9c+ /eps1 p9*+ h] petticoat ) two f+]s1 b5d+ 9 beautiful curtseys1 & recov]+ h]self ) a f9e b[4 ,?is has evid5tly no?+ to d ) *ur* music1 b x 0 none ! less disagreeable to he>4 ,x w\ld h made ! :ole p]=mance complete if ! h>psi*ord _h be5 sub/itut$ = ! organ4 ,f> m int]e/+ ?an ?is lay quav]+ 0 ! pla9 *ant1 giv5 m or less badly1 z x 0 moreov] giv51 b yet giv51 :5 !re 0 no special c]emony at ,notre ,dame4 ,x 0 n arrang$ !re z at ,/4 ,sulpice & ! o!r *ur*es :]e ! ,tantum ergo is almo/ always dress$ up 9 fooli% fl\ri%es1 tunes = milit>y c]emonials or public d9n]s4 ,! ,*ur* has n all[$ ! actual text ( ,sa9t ,?omas ,aqu9as to be alt]$1 b %e has let any & e *oirma/] suppress ! pla9 *ant 9 :i* x has be5 wrapp$ f its bir?1 :i* has p5etrat$ to its m>r[1 has clung to ea* ( its phrases1 & become ) x "o body & "o s\l4 ,x 0 mon/r\s1 & x mu/ really be t ^! curs h lo/1 n ! s5se ( art1 = t !y nev] _h1 b ! mo/ elem5t>y s5se ( ! liturgy1 to accept su* h]esies1 & tol]ate su* outrages 9 _! *ur*es4 ,^! ?\ghts enrag$ ,durtal1 b he return$ little by little to ,notre ,dame des ,victoires & grew calm]4 ,x 0 well he %\ld exam9e x "u all aspects1 b x rema9$ none ! less my/]i\s nor ! less unique 9 ,p>is4 ,at ,la ,salette1 at ,l\rdes1 !re h be5 app>itions4 ,:e!r ^! h be5 au!ntic or controv]t$ matt]s little1 he ?\ght4 ,= ev5 suppos+ ,our ,lady 7 n !re at ! mom5t h] com+ 0 ann\nc$1 %e 0 attract$ !re1 & dwells !re n[1 reta9$ !re by ! tide ( pray] & ! emanations ca/ up by ! fai? ( cr[ds4 ,miracles h happ5$ !re2 x is !re=e n a/oni%+ t pi\s cr[ds flock ?i!r4 ,b "h at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires has be5 no app>ition2 no ,mlanie1 no ,b]nadette1 h se5 & describ$ ! lum9\s appe>ance ( a 'beautiful ,lady4' ,!re are no pisc9as1 no m$ical /aff1 no public cures1 no m\nta9 top1 no grotto1 no?+4 ,"o f9e day 9 #ahcf ! cur ( ! p>i%1 ! ,abb ,dufri*e ,des ,g5ettes1 decl>$ t :ile he 0 celebrat+ mass ,our ,lady manife/$ to him h] desire t ! sanctu>y %\ld be specially consecrat$ to h]1 & t alone 0 en\gh4 ,! *ur*1 !n a des]t1 has nev] s9ce be5 empty1 & ?\s&s ( ex votos decl>e ! graces :i* s9ce t day ! ,madonna has accord$ to ! visitors4 ,yes1 b 9 fact1 conclud$ ,durtal1 all ^! suppliants are n specially extraord9>y s\ls1 = inde$ ! mo/ "p ( !m are l me1 !y come 9 _! own int]e/s1 = !mselves & n = ,h]4 ,& he rememb]$ ! answ] ( ! ,abb ,gvres91 to :om he _h already made ! obs]vation4 ,y mu/ be s+ul>ly f> advanc$ on ! road to p]fection if y g !re = ,h] only4 ,sudd5ly1 aft] s _m h\rs sp5t 9 ! *apels1 !re 0 a reaction2 ! fle% ext+ui%$ "u ! c9d]s ( pray]s took fire1 & ! conflagration1 spr++ up f bel[1 became t]rible4 ,flor5ce seem$ pres5t1 to ,durtal's imag9ation1 at 8 lodg+s1 9 ! *ur*es1 9 ! /reet1 ev]y:]e1 & he 0 con/antly on ! wat* aga9/ h] recurr5t attractions4 ,! wea!r 0 mix$ up ) x all2 ! heav5 broke up1 a /ormy summ] rag$1 %att]+ ! n]ves1 enfeebl+ ! w1 lett+ ! awak5$ troop ( vices loose 9 _! gloomy moi/ure4 ,durtal bl5*$ be=e ! dread ( long ev5+s & ! abom9able melan*oly ( days t nev] end$4 ,at eight o'clock 9 ! ev5+ ! sun _h n set1 & at ?ree 9 ! morn+ x seem$ to wake aga92 ! week 0 only "o un9t]rupt$ day1 & life 0 nev] arre/$4 ,oppress$ by ! ignom9y ( ?is angry sun%9e & ^! blue skies1 disgu/$ at ba?+ 9 ,niles ( sweat1 & feel+ ,niag>as run f 8 hat1 he did n /ir f home1 & !n1 9 8 solitude1 f\l ?\ghts assail$ him4 ,x 0 an obsession by ?\ght1 by vision1 9 all ways1 & ! haunt+ 0 all ! m t]rible t x 0 s special1 t x nev] turn$ aside1 b conc5trat$ itself always on ! same po9t1 ! face & figure ( ,flor5ce4 ,durtal resi/$1 !n 9 di/raction1 took to flight1 tri$ to tire himself out by long walks1 & to div]t 8 m9d by excursions1 b ! ignoble desire foll[$ him 9 8 c\rse1 sat be=e him 9 ! ,caf1 came betwe5 8 eyes & ! newspap] he /rove to read1 becom+ ev] m def9ite4 ,he end$1 aft] h\rs ( /ruggle1 by giv+ way & go+ to see ?is woman2 he left h] ov]:elm$1 half dead ) disgu/ & %ame1 almo/ 9 te>s4 ,nor did he ?us f9d any solace 9 8 /ruggle1 b ! contr>y2 f> f escap+ x1 ! hateful *>m took m viol5t & t5aci\s possession ( him4 ,!n ,durtal ?\ght ( & accept$ a /range compromise1 to visit ano!r woman he knew1 & 9 h] society to break ?is n]v\s /ate1 to put an end to ?is possession1 ?is we>9ess & remorse2 & 9 do+ s he /rove to p]suade himself t 9 ?us act+ he w\ld be m p>donable1 less s9ful4 ,! cle>e/ result ( ?is attempt 0 to br+ back ! memory ( ,flor5ce1 & h] vici\s *>m4 ,he cont9u$ !re=e 8 intimacy ) h]1 & !n he _h1 dur+ a few days1 su* a revolt f 8 slav]y1 t he extricat$ himself f ! sew]1 & /ood on firm gr\nd4 ,he succe$$ 9 recov]+ & pull+ himself toge!r1 & he loa!d himself4 ,dur+ ?is crisis he _h some:at neglect$ ! ,abb ,gvres91 to :om he d>$ n av[ 8 f\lness1 b s9ce c]ta9 indications w>n$ him ( new attacks1 he took fright1 & w5t to see him4 ,he expla9$ 8 crises 9 veil$ words1 & he felt s unn]v$1 s sad1 t te>s /ood 9 8 eyes4 ,well1 are y n[ c]ta9 t y h t rep5tance :i* y assure me y h n exp]i5c$ up to ?is "t8 ,yes1 b :at is ! good ( x1 if "o is s weak1 t 9 spite ( all ef=ts "o is c]ta9 to be ov]?r[n at ! fir/ assault8 ,t is ano!r "q4 ,come1 ,i see t at pres5t y are 9 fact 9 a /ate ( fatigue requir+ help4 ,com=t y\rself !re=e2 g 9 peace & s9 less1 ! great] "p ( y\r temptations w be remitt$ y2 y c1 if y *oose1 be> ! rema9d]1 only take c>e1 if y fall h5ce=w>d1 y w be )\t excuse1 & ,i d n answ] = x1 t in/ead ( m5d+1 y\r condition w n be aggravat$4 ,& z ,durtal1 /upefi$1 /amm]$ out3 ,y believe-- ,i believe1 said ! prie/1 9 ! my/ical sub/itution ( :i* ,i spoke to y2 y w moreov] exp]i5ce x 9 y\rself2 ! sa9ts w ent] into ! li/s to help y2 !y w take ! ov]plus ( ! assaults :i* y _c conqu]2 )\t ev5 kn[+ y\r "n1 f _! seclud$ prov9ce1 nunn]ies ( ,c>melites & ,poor ,cl>es w pray = y1 on receiv+ a lett] f me4 ,& 9 fact1 f t v day ! mo/ acute attacks ceas$4 ,did he owe t cessation1 t truce1 to ! int]cession ( ! cloi/]$ ,ord]s1 or to a *ange 9 ! wea!r1 :i* !n took place1 to ! less heat ( ! sun1 :i* gave way to floods ( ra98 ,he c\ld n tell1 b "o ?+ 0 c]ta91 8 temptations 7 less frequ5t1 & he c\ld be> !m ) impunity4 ,?is idea ( conv5ts 9 _! compassion dragg+ him out ( ! mud 9 :i* he _h /uck1 & by _! *>ity br++ him to ! bank1 excit$ him4 ,he *ose to g to ! ,av5ue de ,saxe1 to pray 9 ! home ( ! si/]s ( ^? :o suff]$ = him4 ,?is "t !re 7 no lights1 no cr[ds1 z on ! morn+ :5 he _h be5 pres5t at a ,procession1 no od\r ( wax or inc5se1 no sweep+ by ( robes ( sc>let & cope ( gold1 all 0 des]t$ & d>k4 ,he 0 !re alone1 9 ! sombre & dank *apel1 smell+ l /agnant wat]1 & )\t say+ ros>ies me*anically1 or repeat+ pray]s by rote1 he fell into a rev]ie1 endeav\r+ to look some:at cle>ly into 8 life1 & take /ock ( himself4 ,& :ile he ?us pull$ himself toge!r1 f>-(f voices came beh9d ! grat+1 drew ne>] & ne>]1 pass$ by ! black sieve ( ! veil1 & dropp$ r\nd ! alt>1 ^: =m rose dimly 9 ! %ad[4 ,^! voices ( ! ,c>melites aid$ ,durtal to probe 8 despair deeply4 ,seat$ 9 a *air1 he said to himself3 ,:5 any "o is z incapable z ,i am :5 ,i speak to ,him1 x is almo/ %ameful to d>e to pray1 = inde$1 if ,i ?9k ( ,him1 x is t ,i may ask = a little happ9ess2 & t is fooli%4 ,9 ! imm$iate %ipwreck ( human reason1 wi%+ to expla9 ! t]rible enigma ( ! mean+ ( life1 "o only idea comes to ! surface1 9 ! mid/ ( ! wreckage ( ?\ghts :i* s9k1 ! idea ( an expiation felt r ?an und]/ood1 ! idea t ! sole end assign$ to life is sorr[4 ,e "o has a sum ( physical & moral suff]+ to pay1 & :oev] does n settle x "h bel[1 defrays x aft] dea?2 happ9ess is only l5t1 & mu/ be repaid2 its v phantoms are l duties paid 9 advance on a future succession ( sorr[s4 ,:o kn[s 9 t case :e!r an/hetics :i* suppress corporal pa9 d n br+ into debt ^? :o use !m8 ,:o kn[s :e!r *lor(orm is n a means ( revolt1 & if ! %r9k+ ( ! creature f suff]+ is n s$iti\s1 a rebellion aga9/ ! w ( ,heav58 ,if ?is be s1 ! arre>s ( torture1 ! balance ( di/ress1 ! w>rants ( pa9 avoid$ mu/ accumulate t]rible int]e/ above1 & ju/ify ! w> cry ( ,sa9t ,t]esa1 ',"l1 let me always suff]1 or die2' ?is expla9s :y1 9 _! trials1 ! sa9ts rejoice1 & pray ! ,"l n to sp>e !m1 = !y "k t ! purify+ am\nt ( ills mu/ be paid 9 ord] to be free f debt aft] dea?4 ,to be j1 human nature w\ld be too ignoble )\t pa91 = x alone c raise ! s\l :ile purify+ x1 b all t is no?+ less ?an consol+1 he add$4 ,:at an accompanim5t to ^! sad ?\ghts are ! wail+ voices ( ^! nuns2 x is truly frightful4 ,he end$ by flee+1 & tak+ refuge1 to %ake (f 8 depression1 9 ! neighb\r+ conv5t at ! bottom ( ! alley de ,saxe1 9 a suburban lane1 full ( little cottages ) g>d5s 9 front1 :]e s]p5t9e pa?s ( pebbles w\nd r\nd tufts ( pot-h]bs4 ,?is 0 ! conv5t ( ! ,poor ,cl>es ( ! ,ave ,m>ia1 an ,ord] /ill m /rict ?an t ( ! ,c>melites1 poor]1 less fa%ionable1 m humble4 ,?is cloi/] 0 ent]$ by a little door1 p>tly aj>2 y asc5d$ to ! second /orey )\t meet+ anyone1 & f\nd a little *apel1 ?r\gh ^: w9d[s trees 7 visible1 rock+ to ! *irp+ ( riot\s sp>r[s4 ,?is too 0 a place ( burial1 b no long]1 z ?\gh opposite a tomb at ! bottom ( a d>k cav]n1 b r a cemet]y :]e birds sang 9 ! sun among ! bran*es1 y might h ?\ght y\rself 9 ! c\ntry1 tw5ty miles f ,p>is4 ,! decoration ( ?is bright *apel tri$1 h[ev]1 to be gloomy2 x 0 l ^? w9e %ops ^: walls are made to look l ^? ( caves1 ) false /ones pa9t$ 9 ! imitation pla/]4 ,only ! height ( ! nave manife/$ ! *ildi%ness ( ! impo/ure1 & decl>$ ! vulg>ity ( ! deception4 ,at ! end 0 an alt> above a smoo? wax$ floor1 & on ei!r side ( x a grat+ ) a black veil4 ,accord+ to ! rule ( ,sa9t ,francis1 all ! ornam5ts1 ! crucifix1 ! c&le/icks1 ! tab]nacle1 7 ( wood1 no object 0 to be se5 9 metal1 no fl[]1 ! only luxury 9 ! *apel consi/$ ( two mod]n /a9$ w9d[s1 "o ( :i* repres5t$ ,sa9t ,francis1 ! o!r ,sa9t ,cl>e4 ,durtal ?\ght ! sanctu>y airy & delightful1 b he only /ay$ !re a few m9utes1 = !re 0 n "h1 z at ! ,c>melites1 an absolute solitude1 a sombre peace2 "h !re 7 always two or ?ree ,poor ,cl>es trott+ ab\t ! *apel1 :o look$ at him :ile !y 7 arrang+ ! *airs1 & seem$ surpris$ at 8 pres5ce4 ,!y 7 annoy+ to him1 & he fe>$ he 0 ! same to !m1 s mu* s t he w5t away2 b ?is %ort /ay 0 en\gh to efface1 or at lea/ to less5 ! fun]eal impression ( ! neighb\r+ conv5t4 ,durtal return$ home1 at once mu* appeas$ & mu* disquiet$--mu* appeas$ 9 reg>d to 8 temptations1 mu* disquiet$ ab\t :at he %\ld d next4 ,he felt ris+ 9 him1 & increas+ ev] m & m1 ! desire to h done ) ^! /rifes & fe>s1 b he grew pale :5 he ?\ght ( rev]s+ 8 life1 once = all4 ,b if he /ill _h hesitation & fe>1 he _h no long] ! firm int5tion ( resi/+2 he n[ accept$ 9 pr9ciple ! idea ( a *ange ( exi/5ce1 only he tri$ to ret>d ! day1 & put (f ! h\r2 he tri$ to ga9 "t4 ,!n l p :o gr[ angry at hav+ to wait1 on o!r days he wi%$ to put (f ! inevitable mom5t no long]1 & cri$ )9 himself t ?is mu/ end2 any?+ r ?an rema9 z he 04 ,!n z ?is desire did n seem he>d1 he grew disc\rag$1 w\ld no long] ?9k ( any?+1 regrett$ ! "t pa/1 & deplor$ t he felt himself c>ri$ along by su* a curr5t4 ,& :5 he 0 r m *e]ful1 he tri$ aga9 to exam9e himself4 ,9 fact ,i d n at all "k h[ ,i /&1 he ?\ght2 ?is flux & reflux ( diff]5t wi%es al>ms me1 b h[ h ,i come to ?is po9t1 & :at is ! matt] ) me8 ,:at he felt1 s9ce he became m lucid1 0 s intangible1 s indef9ite1 & yet s cont9u\s t he 0 oblig$ to give up und]/&+ x4 ,inde$ e "t he tri$ to exam9e 8 s\l1 a curta9 ( mi/ arose1 & hid f him ! unse5 & sil5t approa* ( he knew n :at4 ,! only impression :i* he c>ri$ ) him z he rose1 0 t x 0 less t he advanc$ t[>ds ! unkn[n1 b t ?is unkn[n invad$ him1 p5etrat$ him1 & little by little took possession ( him4 ,:5 he spoke to ! abb ( ?is /ate1 at once c[>dly & resign$1 implor+ & fe>ful1 ! prie/ only smil$4 ,busy y\rself 9 pray]1 & b[ d[n y\r back1 he said "o day4 ,b ,i am tir$ ( b5d+ my back1 & ( trampl+ always on ! same spot1 cri$ ,durtal4 ,i h _h en\gh ( feel+ myself tak5 by ! %\ld]s & l$ ,i "k n :]e1 x is really "t t 9 "o way or ano!r ?is situation came to an end4 ,pla9ly4 ,& /&+ up1 & look+ him 9 ! face1 ! abb said1 impressively1 ,?is advance t[>ds ,god :i* y f9d s obscure & s sl[ is1 on ! contr>y1 s lum9\s & s rapid t x a/oni%es me1 only z y y\rself d n move1 y d n take acc\nt ( ! swiftness ) :i* y are borne along4 ,be=e long y w be ripe1 & !n )\t ne$ to %ake ! tree y w fall (f ( y\rself4 ,! "q we h n[ to answ] is into :at receptacle we mu/ put y1 :5 at la/ y fall away f y\r life4 ,,*apt] ,,vii4 ,b 444 b 444 ?\ght ,durtal1 we mu/ at any rate come to an und]/&+2 ! abb we>ies me ) 8 quiet assumptions1 8 receptacle 9 :i* he mu/ place me4 ,he does n1 ,i suppose1 ?9k ( mak+ me a sem9>i/ or a monk2 ! sem9>y1 at my age1 is devoid ( int]e/1 & z to ! conv5t1 x is attractive f ! my/ical po9t ( view1 & ev5 entic+ f ! arti/ic /&po9t1 b ,i h n ! physical aptitudes1 /ill less ! spiritual pr$ispositions to %ut myself up = ev] 9 a cloi/]2 b putt+ t aside1 :at does he mean8 ,on ! o!r h& he has insi/$ on l5d+ me ! works ( ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 & has made me read !m2 he has !n an aim1 = he is n a man to feel 8 way z he walks1 he kn[s :at he wi%es & :]e he is go+2 does he imag9e t ,i am int5d$ = ! p]fect life1 & does he int5d to put me on my gu>d by ?is c\rse ( read+ aga9/ ! disillusions :i*1 accord+ to him1 beg9n]s exp]i5ce8 ,8 sc5t seems to fail him !re4 ,i h a v horror ( bigotry1 & pi\s poli%1 b ?\gh ,i admire1 ,i d n feel at all drawn t[>ds ! ph5om5a ( ,my/icism4 ,no1 ,i am int]e/$ 9 see+ !m 9 o!rs1 ,i l to see x all f my w9d[1 b w n g d[n/airs1 ,i h no pret5sion to become a sa9t1 all t ,i desire is to atta9 ! int]m$iate /ate1 betwe5 goody-good9ess & sanctity4 ,?is is a frightfully l[ ideal1 p]haps1 b 9 practice x is ! only "o ,i am capable ( atta9+1 & yet6 ,!n ^! que/ions h to be fac$6 ,if ,i am mi/ak5 & am obey+ false impulses1 ,i am1 z ,i advance1 on ! v]ge ( madness4 ,h[1 except by a special grace1 am ,i to "k :e!r ,i am 9 ! "r way1 or walk+ 9 ! d>k t[>ds ! abyss8 ,"h1 = in/ance1 are ^? conv]sations betwe5 ,god & ! s\l s common 9 ! my/ical life2 h[ c "o be sure t ?is int]ior voice1 ^! di/9ct words n he>d ) bodily e>s1 b p]ceiv$ by ! s\l 9 a cle>] fa%ion ?an if !y came by ! *annels ( s5se1 are true1 h[ be sure t !y emanate f ,god1 n f our imag9ation or f ! devil himself8 ,i "k1 inde$1 t ,sa9t ,t]esa treats ?is matt] at l5g? 9 h] ',ca/les ( ! ,s\l1' & t %e po9ts out ! signs by :i* we c recognize ! orig9 ( ! words1 b h] pro(s d n seem to me always z easy to disc]n z %e ?9ks4 ',if ^! expressions come f ,god1' %e says1 '!y are always accompani$ by an effect1 & br+ ) !m an au?ority :i* no?+ c resi/2 ?us a s\l is 9 affliction1 & ! ,"l simply sugge/s ! words tr\ble n ?yself1 & at once ! :irlw9d passes1 & joy revives4 ,9 ! second place1 ^! words leave an indissoluble peace ( m9d1 !y engrave !mselves on ! memory1 & (t5 _c be effac$4' ',9 ! o!r case1' %e cont9ues1 'if ^! words proce$ f imag9ation or f ! demon1 none ( ^! effects are produc$1 a k9d ( uneas9ess1 angui% & d\bt torm5ts y1 moreov] ! expressions evaporate 9 "p1 & fatigue ! s\l :i* endeav\rs 9 va9 to recall !m 9 _! entirety4' ,9 spite ( ^! tok5s1 we are1 9 fact1 /&+ on %ift+ gr\nd 9 :i* we may s9k at e /ep1 b 9 8 turn ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross int]v5es1 & tells y n to move4 ,:at !n is to be done8 ',no "o1' he says1 'ought to aspire to ^! sup]natural communications & re/ !re1 = two motives2 fir/1 humility1 ! p]fect abnegation ( refus+ to believe 9 !m2 ! second1 t 9 act+ ?us1 we deliv] ourselves f ! lab\r necess>y to assure ourselves :e!r ^! vocal visions are true or false1 & s we are disp5s$ f an exam9ation :i* has no o!r pr(it = ! s\l ?an loss ( "t & anxiety4' ,good--b if ^! words are really pron\nc$ by ,god1 we rebel aga9/ ,8 w if we rema9 deaf to !m4 ,& !n1 z ,sa9t ,t]esa decl>es1 x is n 9 our p[] n to li/5 to !m1 & ! s\l c only ?9k ( :at x he>s :5 ,jesus speaks to x4 ,moreov]1 all ! discussions on ?is subject are unc]ta91 = "o does n ent] ( "o's own w into ! /rait way1 z ! ,*ur* calls x1 we are l$1 & ev5 ?r[n into x (t5 aga9/ ! w1 & resi/ance is impossible1 ph5om5a occur1 & no?+ 9 ! _w has p[] to *eck !m2 witness ,sa9t ,t]esa1 :o1 resi/ z %e w\ld by humility1 fell into ec/asy "u ! div9e brea?1 & 0 rais$ f ! gr\nd4 ,no1 ^! sup]human conditions al>m me1 & ,i d n hold to kn[+ !m by exp]i5ce4 ,z to ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 ! abb is n wrong 9 call+ him unique1 b ?\gh he s\nds ! l[e/ /rata ( ! s\l1 & rea*es :]e human aug] has nev] p5etrat$1 he we>ies me all ! same 9 my admiration1 = 8 "w is full ( nightm>es :i* repel me2 ,i am n c]ta9 t 8 hell is correct1 & "s ( 8 ass]tions d n conv9ce me4 ,:at he calls ! 'night obscure' is incompreh5sible2 ',! suff]+s ( t d>kness surpass :at is possible1' he cries on ea* page4 ,"h ,i lose foo?old4 ,i c imag9e1 ?\gh ,i h n exp]i5c$ !m1 ! moral & t]rible pangs1 ( ! dea?s ( fri5ds & relations1 love betray$1 hopes :i* fail$1 spiritual sorr[s ( all k9ds1 b su* a m>tyrdom z he proclaims z sup]ior to all o!rs1 is beyond me1 = x is outside our human int]e/s1 beyond our affections2 he moves 9 an inaccessible sph]e1 9 an unkn[n _w v f> (f4 ,i am c]ta9ly afraid t ?is t]rible sa9t1 a true man ( ! s\?1 abuses metaphor1 & is full ( ,spani% affectation4 ,moreov] ,i am a/oni%$ at ! abb on ano!r po9t4 ,he1 :o is s g5tle1 %[s a c]ta9 lean+ to ! dry bread ( ,my/icism2 ! effusions ( ,ruysbrck1 ( ,sa9t ,angela1 ( ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa1 t\* him less ?an ! argum5ts ( sa9ts :o are h>d reason]s2 yet by ! side ( ^! he has advis$ me to read ,m>ie d',agr$a1 :om he ought n to fancy1 = %e has none ( ^? qualities :i* are admir$ 9 ! works ( ,sa9t ,t]esa & ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross4 ,ah6 he may flatt] himself t he has inflict$ on me a complete disillusion1 by l5d+ me h] ',cit ,my/ique4' ,f ! r5[n ( ?is ,spani% woman1 ,i expect$ ! brea? ( prophecy1 wide outlooks1 extraord9>y visions4 ,n at all2 h] book is simply /range & pomp\s1 we>isome & cold4 ,!n ! phraseology ( h] book is intol]able4 ,all ! expressions :i* sw>m 9 ^? pond]\s volumes1 'my div9e pr9cess1' 'my great que51' :5 %e addresses ,our ,lady1 :o 9 h] turn speaks to h] z 'my de>e/1' j z ,*ri/ calls h] 'my sp\se1' 'my well-belov$1' & speaks ( h] cont9ually z '! object ( my pleasure & delight1' ! way 9 :i* %e speaks ( ! angels z '! c\rti]s ( ! great ,k+1' set my n]ves on edge & we>y me4 ,!y smell ( p]riwigs & ruffles1 b[s & dances l ,v]sailles1 a sort ( c\rt my/icism 9 :i* ,*ri/ pontificates1 attir$ 9 ! co/ume ( ,l\is ,,xiv4 ,moreov] ,m>ie d',agr$a ent]s into mo/ extravagant details4 ,%e tells u ( ! milk ( ,our ,lady :i* _c gr[ s\r1 ( female compla9ts f :i* %e 0 exempt1 %e expla9s ! my/]y ( ! conception by ?ree drops ( blood :i* fell f ! he>t into ! womb ( ,m>y1 & :i* ! ,holy ,gho/ us$ to =m ! *ild2 la/ly1 %e decl>es t ,sa9t ,mi*ael & ,sa9t ,gabriel play$ ! "p ( midwives1 & /ood liv+1 "u human =ms1 at ! ly+-9 ( ! ,virg94 ,?is is too /rong4 ,i "k well t ! abb w\ld say t we ne$ n conc]n ourselves ) ^! s+ul>ities & ^! errors1 b t ! ',cit ,my/ique' is to be read 9 relation to ! inn] life ( ! ,bless$ ,virg94 ,yes1 b !n ! book ( ,m4 ,olli]1 :i* treats ( ! same subject1 seems to me curi\s & tru/wor?y 9 q a diff]5t way4 ,0 ! prie/ =c+ ! note1 play+ a "p8 ,durtal ask$ himself ?is1 :5 he saw h[ det]m9$ he 0 n to avoid ! same que/ions dur+ a c]ta9 "t4 ,he tri$ n[ & !n1 9 ord] to see h[ ! matt] 01 to turn ! conv]sation1 b ! abb smil$1 & br\ght x back to ! po9t he wi%$4 ,:5 he ?\ght t he _h saturat$ ,durtal ) my/ical works1 he spoke ( !m less1 & seem$ to atta* himself ma9ly to ! religi\s ,ord]s1 & especially to t ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict4 ,he v clev]ly induc$ ,durtal to become int]e/$ 9 ?is in/itution1 & to ask him ab\t x1 & :5 once he _h ent]$ on ?is gr\nd1 he did n dep>t f x4 ,x began "o day :5 ,durtal 0 talk+ ) him ab\t pla9 *ant4 ,y h reason to l x1 said ! abb1 = ev5 indep5d5tly ( ! liturgy & ( art1 ?is *ant1 if ,i may believe ,sa9t ,ju/91 appeases ! desires & concupisc5ces ( ! fle%1 'affectiones et concupisc5tias c>nis s$at1' b let me assure y1 y only "k x by he>say1 !re is no long] any true pla9 *ant 9 ! *ur*es1 ^! are l ! products ( !rapeutics1 only m or less audaci\s adult]ations pres5t$ to y4 ,none ( ! *ants :i* are to "s ext5t respect$ by *oirs1 ! ',tantum ergo1' = example1 are n[ exact4 ,x is giv5 almo/ fai?fully till ! v]se ',pr/et fides1' & !n x runs (f ! rails1 tak+ no acc\nt ( ! %ades1 :i* are1 h[ev]1 q p]ceptible1 t ! ,gregorian melody introduces :5 ! text decl>es ! impot5ce ( reason & ! p[]ful aid ( ,fai?2 ^! adult]ations are /ill m app>5t1 if y li/5 to ! ',salve ,reg9a' aft] ,compl9e4 ,?is is abridg$ m ?an half1 is en]vat$1 blan*$1 half its pauses are tak5 away1 x is r$uc$ to a m]e /ump ( ignoble music1 if y _h ev5 he>d ?is magnific5t *ant among ! ,trappi/s1 y w\ld weep ) disgu/ at he>+ x bawl$ 9 ! *ur*es at ,p>is4 ,b besides ! textual alt]ation ( ! melody z we n[ h x1 ! way 9 :i* ! pla9 *ant is bell[$ is ev]y:]e absurd4 ,"o ( ! fir/ conditions = r5d]+ x well1 is t ! voices %\ld g toge!r1 t !y %\ld all *ant 9 ! same "t syllable = syllable & note = note1 9 "o ^w x mu/ be 9 unison4 ,n[1 y c v]ify x y\rself1 ! ,gregorian melody is n ?us treat$2 e voice takes its own "p1 & is isolat$4 ,next1 pla9 music all[s no accompanim5t1 x mu/ be *ant$ alone1 )\t organ1 x be>s at mo/ t ! in/rum5t %\ld give ! intonation & accompany x v s(tly1 j en\gh if ne$ be to su/a9 ! pit* tak5 by ! voices2 x is n s t y w he> x giv5 9 ! *ur*es4 ,yes1 ,i "k x well1 said ,durtal4 ,:5 ,i he> x at ,/4 ,sulpice1 ,/4 ,sev]91 or ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 ,i am aw>e t x is sophi/icat$1 b y mu/ admit t x is ev5 !n sup]b4 ,i d n def5d ! tricks1 ! addition ( fiorituri1 ! fals5ess ( ! musical pauses1 ! feloni\s accompanim5t1 ! conc]t-room tone inflict$ on y at ,sa9t ,sulpice1 b :at c ,i d8 9 default ( ! orig9al ,i mu/ be cont5t ) a m or less wor?less copy1 & ,i repeat1 ev5 execut$ 9 t fa%ion ! music is s admirable t ,i am en*ant$ by x4 ,b1 said ! abb quietly1 no?+ obliges y to li/5 to ! false pla9 *ant1 :5 y c he> ! true1 = sav+ y\r pres5ce1 !re exi/s1 ev5 9 ,p>is1 a *apel :]e x is intact1 & giv5 accord+ to ! rules ( :i* ,i h spok54 ,inde$1 & :]e is t8 ,at ! ,b5$ict9e nuns ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t 9 ! ,rue ,monsieur4 ,& c anyone ent] ! conv5t & be pres5t at ! (fices8 ,anyone4 ,e day 9 ! week1 ,vesp]s are sung at ?ree o'clock1 & on ,sundays ,high ,mass is said at n9e4 ,ah1 _h ,i b kn[n ?is *apel e>li]1 said ,durtal1 ! fir/ "t he came out4 ,9 fact x comb9$ all ! conditions he c\ld wi%4 ,situat$ 9 a solit>y /reet1 x _h ! complete/ privacy4 ,! ar*itect :o built x _h introduc$ no innovations or pret5ti\sness1 _h built a ,go?ic *ur*1 & introduc$ no fancies ( 8 own4 ,x 0 cruci=m1 b "o ( ! arms 0 sc>cely ! full l5g?1 = want ( room1 :ile ! o!r 0 prolong$ into a hall1 sep>at$ f ! *oir by an iron grat+ above :i* ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t 0 ador$ by two kneel+ angels1 ^: lilac w+s 7 fold$ ov] ?9 rose-col\r$ backs4 ,except ^! two figures1 ( :i* ! execution 0 truly s9ful1 ! re/ 0 at lea/ veil$ by %ad[1 & 0 n too afflict+ to ! eyes4 ,! *apel 0 dim1 & always at ! "t ( ! (fices1 a "y sacri/an-si/]1 tall & pale1 & r b5t1 ent]$ l a %ad[1 & ea* "t t %e pass$ be=e ! alt> %e fell on "o knee & b[$ h] head pr(\ndly4 ,%e seem$ /range & sc>cely human1 glid+ noiselessly ov] ! pavem5t1 h] head b[$1 ) a b& z l[ z h] eyebr[s1 & %e seem$ to fly l a l>ge bat :5 /&+ be=e ! tab]nacle %e turn$ h] back1 mov+ h] l>ge black sleeves z %e light$ ! tap]s4 ,durtal "o day saw h] features1 sickly b *>m+1 h] eyelids d>k1 h] eyes ( a tir$ blue1 & he guess$ t h] body 0 wa/$ by pray]s1 "u h] black robe drawn toge!r by a lea!rn girdle ornam5t$ by a little m$al ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t ( gilt metal1 "u ! trimm+1 ne> h] he>t4 ,! grat+ ( ! enclosure1 on ! left ( ! alt>1 0 l>ge1 & well light$ f beh9d1 s t ev5 :5 ! curta9s 7 drawn x 0 possible to see ! :ole *apt] drawn up 9 file 9 _! oak5 /alls surm\nt$ at ! end by a high] /all 9 :i* ! abbess sat4 ,a light$ tap] /ood 9 ! middle ( ! hall1 & be=e x a nun pray$ day & night1 a cord r\nd h] neck1 to expiate ! insults (f]$ to ,jesus "u ,8 ,eu*>i/ic =m4 ,! fir/ "t ,durtal _h visit$ ! *apel1 he _h gone !re on ,sunday a little be=e ! "t ( ,mass1 & he _h be5 ?us able to be pres5t at ! entry ( ! ,b5$ict9e nuns1 beh9d ! iron scre54 ,!y advanc$ two & two1 /opp$ 9 ! middle ( ! grat+1 turn$ to ! alt> & g5uflect$1 !n ea* b[$ to h] neighb\r1 & s to ! end ( ?is procession ( wom5 9 black1 only bright5$ by ! :it5ess ( ! head-b& & ! coll>1 & ! gilt spot ( ! little mon/rance on ! brea/4 ,! novices came la/1 to be recogniz$ by ! :ite veils :i* cov]$ _! heads4 ,& :5 an old prie/1 assi/$ by a sacri/an1 began ! mass s(tly at ! end ( ! *apt]1 a small organ gave ! tone to ! voices4 ,!n ,durtal might well wond]1 = he _h nev] be=e he>d a sole & only voice made up ( p]haps "s ?irty1 ( a tone s /range1 a sup]t]re/rial voice1 :i* burnt ^u itself1 9 ! air1 & int]tw9$ its s(t coo+s4 ,?is bore no resemblance to ! icy & ob/9ate lam5t ( ! ,c>melites1 nor 0 x l ! unsex$ tone1 ! *ild's voice1 squeak+1 r\nd$ (f at ! end ( ! ,franciscan nuns1 b q ano!r ?+4 ,at ,la ,glacire 9 fact ^? raw voices1 ?\gh s(t5$ & wat]$ by pray]s1 kept some:at ( ! drawl+1 almo/ vulg>1 inflexion ( ! p f :om !y came2 !y 7 greatly purifi$1 b rema9$ none ! less human4 ,"h ! t5d]ness ( tones 0 r5d]$ angelic1 t voice ) no def9$ orig9 long bolt$ ?r\gh ! div9e sieve1 pati5tly modell$ = ! liturgical *ant1 caught fire z x unfold$1 blaz$ 9 virg9al clu/]s ( :ite s\nd1 di$ d[n1 fl[]$ out aga9 9 pale plead+s1 di/ant1 s]aphic at ! end ( c]ta9 *ants4 ,?us int]pret$ ! ,mass gave a special acc5t to ! s5se ( ! sequ5ces4 ,/&+1 beh9d ! grat+1 ! conv5t answ]$ ! prie/4 ,durtal _h !n he>d1 aft] a m\rnful & solemn ,kyrie ,eleison1 %>p & almo/ tragic1 ! decid$ cry1 s lov+ & s grave1 ( ! ,gloria 9 ,excelsis1 to ! true pla9 *ant2 he _h li/5$ to ! ,cr$o1 sl[ & b>e1 solemn & p5sive1 & he 0 able to affirm t ^! *ants 7 totally diff]5t f ^? :i* 7 sung ev]y:]e 9 ! *ur*es4 ,/4 ,sev]9 & ,/4 ,sulpice n[ seem$ to him pr(ane2 9 ! place ( _! g5tle w>m?1 _! curls & _! fr+es1 ! angles ( _! poli%$ melodies1 _! mod]n end+s1 _! incoh]5t accompanim5ts arrang$ = ! organ1 he f\nd himself 9 ! pres5ce ( a *ant1 ?91 %>p & n]v\s1 l ! "w ( an e>ly ma/]1 & saw ! ascetic sev]ity ( its l9es1 its sonor\s col\r+1 ! brightness ( its metal hamm]$ out ) ! rude yet *>m+ art ( ,go?ic jewels1 he he>d "u ! wov5 robe ( s\nd1 ! beat+ ( a simple he>t1 ! +5u\s love ( ages1 & he notic$ t curi\s %ade 9 ,b5$ict9e music2 x end$ all cries ( adoration1 all t5d] coo+s 9 a timid murmur1 cut %ort1 z ?\gh %r9k+ 9 humility1 effac+ itself mode/ly z ?\gh ask+ p>don ( ,god = d>+ to love ,him4 ,ah1 y 7 v "r to s5d me !re1 said ,durtal to ! abb :5 next he saw him4 ,i _h no *oice1 answ]$ ! prie/1 smil+1 = ! pla9 *ant is respect$ only 9 conv5ts "u ! ,b5$ict9e rule4 ,t gr& ,ord] has re/or$ x4 ,dom ,po?i] has done = x :at ,dom ,gurang] has done = ! liturgy4 ,moreov]1 beyond ! au!nticity ( ! vocal text1 & ! mann] ( r5d]+ x1 !re are /ill two ess5tial conditions = re/or+ ! special life ( ^! melodies1 & !y are h>dly f\nd except 9 cloi/]s1 fir/ ,fai?1 & next ! und]/&+ ! mean+ ( ! words sung4 ,b1 int]rupt$ ,durtal1 ,i d n suppose t ! ,b5$ict9e nuns "k ,lat94 ,i beg y\r p>don1 among ! nuns ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict1 & ev5 among ! cloi/]$ si/]s ( o!r ,ord]s !re are a c]ta9 numb] :o /udy ! language en\gh to und]/& ! ,brevi>y & ! ,psalms4 ,t is a s]i\s advantage :i* !y h ov] ! *oirs1 compos$ = ! mo/ "p ( artisans )\t in/ruction & )\t piety1 only simple work]s ) _! voices4 ,n[ )\t wi%+ to abate y\r en?usiasm = ! musical hone/y ( ^! nuns1 ,i am b\nd to say1 t 9 ord] to und]/& ?is magnific5t *ant 9 its height & bread?1 y mu/ he> x1 n w9n[$ by ! m\?s ( virg9s1 ev5 if unsex$1 b z x issues1 unsmoo!d1 untrimm$ f ! lips ( m54 ,un=tunately1 ?\gh !re are at ,p>is1 9 ! ,rue ,monsieur & ! ,rue ,t\rne=t1 two communities ( ,b5$ict9e nuns1 !re is n on ! o!r h& a s+le mona/]y ( ,b5$ict9e monks4 ,at ! ,rue ,monsieur d !y absolutely foll[ ! rule ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict8 ,yes2 b ov] & above ! usual v[s ( pov]ty1 *a/ity1 rema9+ 9 ! cloi/]1 ob$i5ce1 !y make a fur!r v[ ( sep>ation & adoration ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 z =mulat$ by ,sa9t ,me*tilde4 ,& s !y lead ! mo/ au/]e exi/5ce ( any nuns4 ,!y sc>cely ta/e fle%2 !y rise at two 9 ! morn+ to s+ ,mat9s & ,lauds1 night & day1 summ] & w9t]1 !y take turns be=e ! tap] ( rep>ation1 & be=e ! alt>4 ,x ne$ n be said1 cont9u$ ! abb aft] a pause1 t woman is /rong] & brav] ?an man2 no male ascetic c\ld live & lead su* a life1 especially 9 ! en]vat+ atmosph]e ( ,p>is4 ,:at p]haps a/\nds me /ill m1 said ,durtal1 is ! k9d ( ob$i5ce exact$ ( !m4 ,h[ c a creature end[$ ) free w annihilate h]self to su* an ext5t8 ,oh1 said ! abb1 ! ob$i5ce is ! same 9 all ! great ,ord]s1 absolute1 )\t res]ve2 its =mula is well summ$ up by ,sa9t ,augu/9e4 ,li/5 to ?is s5t5ce :i* ,i rememb] to h read 9 a comm5t>y on 8 rule3 ',we mu/ ent] into ! feel+s ( a bea/ ( bur!n1 & all[ ourselves to be l$ l a horse or a mule1 :i* h no und]/&+2 or r1 t ob$i5ce may be /ill m p]fect1 s9ce ^! animals kick aga9/ ! spur1 we mu/ be 9 ! h&s ( a sup]ior l a block1 or ! /ock ( a tree1 :i* has nei!r life1 nor movem5t1 nor action1 nor w1 nor judgm5t4' ,is t cle>8 ,x is mo/ frightful6 ,i q admit1 said ,durtal1 t 9 ex*ange = su* abnegation1 ! nuns mu/ be p[]fully aid$ f on high1 b are !re n "s mom5ts ( fall+ away1 "s cases ( despair1 "s in/ants 9 :i* !y p9e = a natural life 9 ! op5 air1 9 :i* !y lam5t t dea? 9 life :i* !y h made = !mselves2 are !re n days 9 :i* _! s5ses wake & cry al\d8 ,no d\bt2 9 ! cloi/]$ life ! age ( tw5ty-n9e is t]rible to pass1 !n a passionate crisis arises2 if a woman d\bles t cape1 & %e almo/ always does s1 %e is safe4 ,b c>nal emotions are n1 to speak correctly1 ! mo/ tr\blesome assault !y h to und]go4 ,! real puni%m5t !y endure 9 ^? h\rs ( sorr[ is ! ard5t1 wild regret = t mat]nity ( :i* !y are ignorant2 ! desolate womb ( woman revolts1 & full ( ,god ?\gh %e be1 h] he>t is break+4 ,! *ild ,jesus :om !y h lov$ s well !n appe>s s f> (f & s inaccessible1 & ,8 v sight w\ld h>dly satisfy !m1 = !y h dream$ ( hold+ ,him 9 _! arms1 ( swa?+ & rock+ ,him1 ( giv+ ,him suck1 9 "o ^w1 ( be+ mo!rs4 ,o!r nuns und]go no precise attack1 no assault to :i* a "n c be giv51 b )\t any def9ite reason !y langui% & die sudd5ly1 l a tap]1 bl[n out4 ,! torpor ( ! cloi/] kills !m4 ,b inde$1 ,monsieur l'abb1 ^! details are f> f enc\rag+4 ,! prie/ %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s4 ,x is ! poor rev]se ( a spl5did /uff1 he said1 wond]ful recomp5ses are grant$1 ev5 9 ?is _w1 to s\ls 9 conv5ts4 ,nor d ,i suppose t if a nun fall1 /rick5 9 ! fle%1 %e is ab&on$4 ,:at does ! ,"m abbess 9 su* a case8 ,%e acts accord+ to ! bodily temp]am5t & /ate ( ! s\l ( ! sick p]son4 ,note t %e has be5 able to foll[ h] dur+ ! ye>s ( h] probation1 t %e has necess>ily ga9$ an influ5ce ov] h]2 at su* times !re=e %e w wat* h] daught] v closely1 endeav\r to turn ! c\rse ( h] ideas1 break+ h] by h>d "w1 & by occupy+ h] m9d2 %e mu/ n leave h] alone1 mu/ dim9i% h] pray]s1 if ne$ be1 re/rict h] h\rs ( (fice1 less5 h] fa/s1 give h]1 if ! case dem&s x1 bett] food4 ,9 o!r cases1 on ! contr>y1 %e w h rec\rse to m frequ5t communions1 less5 h] food or cause h] to be blood$1 mix cool+ meats ) h] diet1 & above all ?+s %e & all ! community mu/ pray = h]4 ,an old ,b5$ict9e abbess1 :om ,i knew at ,sa9t-,om]1 an incomp>able guide ( s\ls1 limit$ be=e all ?+s ! l5g? ( confessions4 ,! mom5t %e saw ! lea/ symptoms arise %e gave two m9utes1 wat* 9 h&1 to ! p5it5t1 & :5 ! "t 0 up %e s5t h] back f ! confessional1 to mix ) h] companions4 ,:y s8 ,because 9 conv5ts1 ev5 = s\ls :i* are well1 confession is a mo/ dang]\s relaxation1 x is z x 7 too long & too w>m a ba?4 ,9 x nuns g to excess1 op5 _! he>ts uselessly1 dwell ^u _! tr\bles1 acc5tuate !m1 & revel 9 !m2 !y come out m weak5$ & m ill ?an be=e4 ,two m9utes ought inde$ to be en\gh = a nun 9 :i* to tell h] little s9s4 ,yet 444 yet 444 ,i mu/ admit x1 ! confessor is a dang] = a conv5t1 n t ,i suspect 8 hon\r1 t is n at all :at ,i mean1 b z he is g5]ally *os5 f among ! bi%op's fav\rites1 !re are _m *ances t he may be a man :o kn[s no?+1 & q ignorant ( h[ to deal ) su* s\ls1 ends by unsettl+ !m :ile he consoles !m4 ,aga91 if demoniac attacks1 s common 9 nunn]ies1 occur1 ! poor man c only gape1 gives all sorts ( confus$ c\nsel1 & h9d]s ! en]gy ( ! abbess1 :o 9 su* matt]s kn[s f> bett] ?an he4 ,&1 said ,durtal1 :o *ose 8 words c>efully1 tell me1 ,i suppose t tales l ^? :i* ,did]ot gives 9 8 fooli% volume ',la ,religieuse' are incorrect8 ,unless a community is rott$ by a sup]ior giv5 ov] to ,satanism1 :i*1 ?ank ,god1 is r>e1 ! fil?y /ories told by t writ] are false1 & !re is moreov] a good reason :y x %\ld be s1 = !re is a s9 :i* is ! v antidote ( ! o!r1 ! s9 ( zeal4 ,:at8 ,yes3 ! s9 ( zeal :i* causes ! d5unciation ( our neighb\r1 gives scope to jeal\sy1 creates spy+ to satisfy hate1 t is ! real s9 ( ! cloi/]4 ,well1 ,i assure y t if two si/]s became q %ameless !y w\ld be d5\nc$ at once4 ,b ,i ?\ght1 ,monsieur l',abb1 t tale-be>+ 0 all[$ by ! rules ( mo/ ord]s8 ,x is1 b p]haps !re is a temptation to c>ry x some:at to excess1 especially 9 conv5ts ( wom52 = y c imag9e t if nunn]ies conta9 pure my/ics1 real sa9ts1 !y h 9 !m also "s nuns less advanc$ 9 ! way ( p]fection1 & :o ev5 /ill reta9 "s faults4444 ,come1 s9ce we are 9 ! *apt] ( m9ute details1 d>e ,i ask if cleanl9ess is n j a little neglect$ by ^! good wom58 ,i _c say2 all t ,i "k is1 t 9 ! ,b5$ict9e abbeys ,i h kn[n1 ea* nun 0 free to act z seem$ good to h]2 9 c]ta9 ,augu/9ian con/itutions1 ! case 0 provid$ = 9 contr>y fa%ion1 x 0 =bidd5 to wa% ! body1 except once a mon?4 ,on ! o!r h&1 among/ ! ,c>melites cleanl9ess is exact$4 ,sa9t ,t]esa hat$ dirt1 & lov$ :ite l951 h] daught]s h ev51 ,i ?9k1 a "r to h a flask ( ,eau de ,cologne 9 _! cells4 ,y see ?is dep5ds on ! ord]1 & probably also1 :5 ! rule does n expressly m5tion x1 on ! ideas :i* ! sup]ior may h on ! subject4 ,i w add t ?is "q mu/ n be look$ at only f ! worldly po9t ( view1 = corporal dirt is = c]ta9 s\ls an additional suff]+ & mortification :i* !y impose on !mselves1 z ,b5$ict ,labre4 ,he :o pick$ up v]m9 :i* left him1 & put !m pi\sly 9 8 sleeve4 ,i pref] mortifications ( ano!r k9d4 ,!re are h>d] ones1 believe me1 & ,i ?9k !y w\ld suit y bett]4 ,w\ld y l to imitate ,suso1 :o1 to subdue 8 passions1 bore on 8 nak$ %\ld]s1 = eighte5 ye>s1 an enorm\s cross set ) nails1 ^: po9ts pi]c$ 8 fle%8 ,m ?an t1 he imprison$ 8 h&s 9 lea!r gloves :i* also bri/l$ ) nails1 le/ he %\ld be tempt$ to dress 8 w\nds4 ,sa9t ,rose ( ,lima treat$ h]self no bett]1 %e b\nd a *a9 s tightly r\nd h] body t x p5etrat$ ! sk91 & hid itself "u ! ble$+ pad ( fle%1 %e wore also a horsehair girdle set ) p9s1 & lay on %>ds ( glass2 b all ^! trials are no?+ 9 comp>ison ( ^? inflict$ on h]self by a ,capu*9 nun1 ! v5]able ,"m ,paside ( ,si5a4 ,%e sc\rg$ h]self ) bran*es ( junip] & holly1 !n p\r$ v9eg> into h] w\nds1 & spr9kl$ !m ) salt1 %e slept 9 w9t] on ! sn[1 9 summ] on bun*es ( nettles1 or pebbles1 or bru%es1 put drops ( hot lead 9 h] %oes1 knelt ^u ?i/les1 ?orns & /icks4 ,9 ,janu>y %e broke ! ice 9 a cask & plung$ into x1 & %e ev5 half-/ifl$ h]self by hang+ head d[nw>ds 9 a *imney 9 :i* damp /raw 0 light$1 b t is en\gh2 inde$1 said ! abb laugh+1 if y _h to *oose1 y w\ld l be/ ! mortifications :i* ,b5$ict ,labre impos$ on himself4 ,i w\ld r h none at all1 answ]$ ,durtal4 ,!re 0 a mom5t's pause4 ,durtal's ?\ghts w5t back to ! ,b5$ict9e nuns3 ,b1 said he1 :y d !y put 9 ! ',sema9e religieuse1' aft] _! title ,b5$ict9e ,nuns ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 ?is fur!r "n1 ',conv5t ( ,sa9t ,l\is du ,temple8' ,because1 said ! abb1 _! fir/ conv5t 0 f\nd$ on ! actual ru9s ( ! ,temple prison1 giv5 !m by royal w>rant1 :5 ,l\is ,,xviii4 return$ to ,france4 ,_! f\ndress & sup]ior 0 ,l\ise ,adlade de ,b\rbon ,cond1 an un=tunate pr9cess ( _m w&]+s1 almo/ ! :ole ( ^: life 0 sp5t 9 exile4 ,expell$ f ,france by ! ,revolution & ! ,empire1 hunt$ 9 almo/ e c\ntry 9 ,europe1 %e w&]$ by *ance among conv5ts seek+ %elt]1 n[ among ! nuns ( ! ,annunciation at ,tur9 & ! ,capu*9s 9 ,pi$mont1 n[ among ! ,trappi/9es 9 ,switz]l& & ! ,si/]s ( ! ,visitation at ,vi5na1 n[ among ! ,b5$ict9es ( ,li?uania & ,pol&4 ,at la/ %e f\nd %elt] among ! ,b5$ict9es 9 ,norfolk1 till %e c\ld aga9 ent] ,france4 ,%e 0 a woman s+ul>ly tra9$ 9 mona/ic sci5ce & exp]i5c$ 9 ! direction ( s\ls4 ,%e desir$ t 9 h] abbey e si/] %\ld (f] h]self to heav5 9 rep>ation = crimes committ$2 & t %e %\ld accept ! mo/ pa9ful privations to make up = ^? :i* might be committ$2 %e in/itut$ !re ! p]petual adoration1 & introduc$ ! pla9 *ant1 9 all its purity1 to ! exclusion ( all o!rs4 ,x is1 z y h be5 able to he>1 !re pres]v$ intact2 x is true t s9ce h] "t1 h] nuns h _h lessons f ,dom ,s*mitt1 "o ( ! mo/ le>n$ monks 9 t matt]4 ,!n1 aft] ! dea? ( ! pr9cess1 :i* took place1 ,i ?9k1 9 #ahbd1 x 0 p]ceiv$ t h] body exhal$ ! od\r ( sanctity1 & ?\gh %e has n be5 canoniz$ h] int]cession is invok$ by h] daught]s 9 c]ta9 cases4 ,?us1 = example1 ! ,b5$ict9e nuns ( ! ,rue ,monsieur ask h] assi/ance :5 !y lose any?+1 & _! exp]i5ce %[s t _! pray] is nev] 9 va91 s9ce ! object lo/ is f\nd almo/ at once4 ,b1 cont9u$ ! abb1 s9ce y l ! conv5t s well1 g !re1 especially :5 x is light$ up4 ,! prie/ rose & took up a ,sema9e religieuse1 :i* lay ^u ! table4 ,he turn$ ov] ! leaves4 ,see1 he said1 & read1 ',sunday #c o'clock1 ,vesp]s *ant$2 c]emony ( clo?+1 presid$ ov] by ! ,v ,rev]5d ,fa!r ,dom ,eti5ne1 abbot ( ! ,gr&e ,trappe1 & ,b5$iction4' ,t is a c]emony :i* int]e/s me mu*4 ,i too %all probably be !re4 ,!n we c meet 9 ! *apel8 ,j s4 ,^! c]emonies ( clo?+ h n n[ ! gaiety !y _h 9 ! eighte5? c5tury 9 c]ta9 ,b5$ict9e in/itutions1 among/ o!rs ! ,abbey de ,b\rb\rg 9 ,fl&]s1 said ! abb smil+1 aft] a sil5ce4 ,& s9ce ,durtal look$ at him que/ion+ly-- ,yes1 !re 0 no sadness ab\t x1 or at lea/ x _h a special sadness ( its own2 y %all judge4 ,on ! eve ( ! day t ! po/ulant 0 to take ! habit1 %e 0 pres5t$ to ! abbess ( ,b\rb\rg by ! gov]nor ( ! t[n4 ,bread & w9e 7 (f]$ to h]1 & %e ta/$ !m 9 ! *ur* itself4 ,on ! morr[ %e appe>$1 magnific5tly dress$1 at a ball :i* 0 att5d$ by ! :ole community ( nuns1 :]e %e danc$1 !n %e ask$ h] p>5ts' bless+1 & 0 conduct$1 ) viol9s play+1 to ! *apel1 :]e ! abbess took possession ( h]4 ,%e _h = ! la/ "t se51 at ! ball1 ! joys ( ! _w1 = %e 0 imm$iately %ut up1 = ! re/ ( h] days 9 ! cloi/]4 ,! joy ( ! ,dance ( ,dea?1 said ,durtal1 mona/ic cu/oms & congregations 7 /range 9 old days4 ,no d\bt1 b !y are lo/ 9 ! night ( "t4 ,i rememb]1 h[ev]1 t 9 ! fifte5? c5tury !re exi/$ "u ! rule ( ,sa9t ,augu/9e an ord] /range inde$1 call$ ! ,ord] ( ! ,daught]s ( ,sa9t ,magloire1 ^: conv5t 0 9 ! ,rue ,sa9t ,d5ys at ,p>is4 ,! conditions ( admission 7 ! rev]se ( ^? ( all o!r *>t]s4 ,! po/ulant _h to swe> on ! holy ,gospels t %e _h be5 un*a/e1 & no "o believ$ h] oa?2 %e 0 exam9$1 & if h] oa? 7 false1 %e 0 decl>$ unwor?y to be receiv$4 ,nor might %e h br\ght ab\t ?is condition expressly 9 ord] to ent] ! conv5t1 %e mu/ h well & truly giv5 h]self ov] to s91 be=e %e came to ask ! %elt] ( ! cloi/]4 ,!y 7 9 fact a troop ( p5it5t girls1 & ! rule ( _! subjection 0 savage4 ,!y 7 :ipp$1 lock$ up1 subject$ to ! mo/ rigid fa/s1 made _! confessions ?rice 9 ! week1 rose at midnight1 7 "u ! mo/ unremitt+ surveillance1 7 ev5 att5d$ 9 _! mo/ secret retirem5t2 _! mortifications 7 incessant & _! closure absolute4 ,i ne$ h>dly add t ?is nunn]y is dead4 ,nor likely to revive1 cri$ ,durtal4 ,well !n1 ,monsieur l',abb1 we meet on ,sunday 9 ! ,rue ,monsieur8 ,& on ! ass5t ( ! abb1 ,durtal w5t 8 way1 ) ! /range/ ideas 9 8 head ab\t ! mona/ic ord]s4 ,! ?+ w\ld be1 he ?\ght1 to f\nd an abbey :]e "o c\ld "w at ease 9 a good libr>y1 !re %\ld be sev]al monks1 ) dec5t meals1 pl5ty ( tobacco1 & p]mission to take a turn on ! quays n[ & !n4 ,& he laugh$2 b !n t w\ld n be a mona/]y6 or only a ,dom9ican mona/]y1 ) monks :o d9e out1 & h1 at lea/1 ! amusem5t ( prea*+4 ,,*apt] ,,viii4 ,on ,sunday morn+1 on 8 way to ! ,rue ,monsieur1 ,durtal *ew$ ! cud ( 8 reflections on ! ,mona/]ies4 ,x is c]ta91 he ?\ght1 t 9 ! accumulat$ fil? ( ages1 !y alone h rema9$ clean1 are truly 9 relation ) heav51 & s]ve z int]pret]s betwe5 x & e>?4 ,b we mu/ ?or\ghly und]/& & specify t we are speak+ only ( ! cloi/]$ ord]s1 :i* h rema9$1 z f> z possible1 poor4444 ,& ?9k+ ( ! communities ( wom51 he murmur$ z he ha/5$ 8 /eps3 ,"h is a surpris+ fact1 :i* proves once m1 ! incomp>able g5ius ) :i* ! ,*ur* is end[$2 %e has be5 able to br+ into common life wom5 :o d n assass9ate ea* o!r1 & obey )\t recalcitrancy ! ord]s ( ano!r woman--wond]ful6 ,well1 "h ,i am--& ,durtal1 :o knew he 0 late1 ha/5$ into ! c\rt ( ! ,b5$ict9e nunn]y1 took ! /eps ( ! little *ur* f\r at a "t1 & pu%$ ! door op54 ,he paus$ 9 hesitation on ! ?re%old1 dazzl$ by ! blaze ( ! light$ *apel4 ,lamps 7 lit ev]y:]e1 & ov]head ! alt> flam$ ) a =e/ ( tap]s aga9/ :i* /ood out z on a gold gr\nd1 ! ruddy face ( a bi%op all 9 :ite4 ,durtal glid$ among ! cr[d1 elb[+ 8 way till he saw ! ,abb ,gvres9 beckon+ to him4 ,he jo9$ him1 & sat d[n on ! *air ! prie/ _h kept = him1 & exam9$ ! abbot ( ,gr&e ,trappe1 surr\nd$ by prie/s 9 *asubles1 & *oir boys "s 9 r$ & o!rs 9 blue1 foll[$ by a ,trappi/ ) %av5 cr[n1 surr\nd$ by a fr+e ( hair1 hold+ a wood5 cross1 on ! rev]se ( :i* 0 c>v$ ! small figure ( a monk4 ,clad 9 a :ite c[l1 ) long sleeves & a gold button on 8 hood1 8 abbot's cross on 8 brea/1 8 head cov]$ ) an old ,fr5* mitre ( l[ =m1 ,dom ,eti5ne1 ) 8 broad %\ld]s1 8 greyi% be>d1 8 ruddy col\r1 _h a look ( an old ,burgundian1 tann$ by ! sun :ile work+ at 8 v9es2 he seem$1 moreov]1 a good sort ( man1 uneasy "u 8 mitre1 oppress$ by 8 hon\rs4 ,a %>p p]fume :i* burnt ! nose z a spice burns ! tongue1 ! p]fume ( myrrh1 float$ 9 ! air1 ! cr[ds surg$2 beh9d ! grat+ f :i* ! curta9 0 )drawn1 ! nuns /&+ sang ! hymn ( ,sa9t ,ambrose1 ,jesu corona virg9um1 :ile ! bells ( ! abbey rang a peal2 9 ! %ort aisle lead+ f ! por* to ! *oir1 a b5d+ l9e ( wom5 on ei!r side1 a cross-be>] & tor*-be>]s ent]$1 & beh9d !m appe>$ ! novice dress$ z a bride4 ,%e 0 d>k1 slight1 & v %ort1 & came =w>d %yly ) d[nca/ eyes1 betwe5 h] "m & si/]4 ,at fir/ sight ,durtal ?\ght h] insignificant1 sc>cely pretty1 a m]e nobody2 & he look$ in/9ctively = ! o!r p>ty1 put out 9 8 s5se ( fitness1 by ! abs5ce ( a man 9 ! m>riage procession4 ,/riv+ aga9/ h] agitation ! po/ulant walk$ up ! nave into ! *oir1 & knelt on ! left be=e a l>ge tap]1 h] "m & si/] on ei!r side z bridesmaids4 ,dom ,eti5ne g5uflect$ to ! alt>1 m\nt$ ! /eps1 & sat d[n 9 a r$ velvet arm-*air1 plac$ on ! highe/ /ep4 ,!n "o ( ! prie/s conduct$ ! girl1 :o knelt alone1 be=e ! monk4 ,dom ,eti5ne 0 motionless z a figure ( ,buddha2 ) ! same ge/ure1 he lift$ "o f+]1 & said g5tly to ! novice1-- ,:at is x y ask8 ,%e spoke s l[ z sc>cely to be he>d4 ,fa!r1 feel+ 9 myself an ard5t desire to sacrifice myself to ,god1 z a victim 9 union ) our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1 immolat$ on our alt>s1 & to sp5d my life 9 p]petual adoration ( ,8 div9e ,sacram5t1 "u ! obs]vance ( ! rule ( our glori\s ,fa!r ,sa9t ,b5$ict1 ,i humbly ask ( y ! grace ( ! holy habit4 ,i w give x y will+ly if y believe y c con=m y\r life to t ( a victim devot$ to ! ,holy ,sacram5t4 ,& %e answ]$ 9 a firm] tone1 ,i tru/ s1 lean+ on ! inf9ite goodness ( my ,savi\r ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,god give y p]sev]ance1 my daught]1 said ! prelate2 he rose1 turn$ to ! alt>1 g5uflect$1 & ) uncov]$ head began ! *ant ,v5i ,creator1 tak5 up by ! voices ( ! nuns beh9d ! light scre5 ( iron4 ,!n he replac$ 8 mitre1 & pray$1 :ile ! *ant$ psalms rose "u ! ar*es4 ,! novice1 :o 9 ! meantime _h be5 reconduct$ to h] place at ! prie-,dieu1 rose1 g5uflect$ to ! alt>1 & !n knelt betwe5 h] two bridesmaids be=e ! abbot ( ,la ,trappe1 :o _h reseat$ himself4 ,h] two companions lift$ ! veil ( ! bride1 took (f h] wrea? ( orange fl[]s1 unroll$ ! coils ( h] hair1 :ile a prie/ spread a napk9 on ! knees ( ! prelate1 & ! deacon pres5t$ a pair ( long scissors on a salv]4 ,!n be=e ! ge/ure ( ?is monk1 mak+ himself ready1 l an execution]1 to %e> ! condemn$ p]son1 ^: h\r ( expiation 0 at h&1 ! t]rible beauty ( innoc5ce becom+ l crime1 9 sub/itution = s9s ( :i* %e 0 ignorant1 :i* %e c\ld n ev5 und]/&1 0 evid5t to ! public :o _h come to ! *apel out ( curiosity1 & 9 con/]nation at ! sup]human d5ial ( ju/ice1 x trembl$ :5 ! bi%op seiz$ ! entire h&ful ( h] hair1 & drew x t[>ds him ov] h] br[4 ,!n !re 0 z x 7 a fla% ( /eel 9 a d>k %[]4 ,9 ! dea?-l sil5ce ( ! *ur* ! gr9d+ ( ! scissors 0 he>d 9 ! mass ( hair :i* fell "u ! blades1 & !n all 0 sil5t4 ,dom ,eti5ne op5$ 8 h&1 & ! ra9 fell on 8 knees 9 long black ?reads4 ,!re 0 a sigh ( relief :5 ! prie/s & bridesmaids l$ away ! bride1 look+ /range 9 h] tra91 ) h] head discr[n$ & h] neck b>e4 ,! procession return$ almo/ imm$iately4 ,!re 0 no long] a bride 9 a :ite skirt1 b a nun 9 a black robe4 ,%e b[$ be=e ! ,trappi/1 & aga9 knelt betwe5 h] "m & si/]4 ,!n1 :ile ! abbot pray$ ! ,"l to bless 8 h&maid1 ! ma/] ( ! c]emonies & ! deacon took1 f a cr$5ce ne> ! alt>1 a basket1 :]e9 "u loose rose leaves 7 fold$ a girdle ( untann$ lea!r1 emblem ( ! end ( t luxury :i* ! ,fa!rs ( ! ,*ur* plac$ 9 ! region ( ! re9s1 a scapul>1 symbol ( a life crucifi$ to ! _w1 a veil1 :i* signifies ! solitude ( ! life hidd5 9 ,god1 & ! prelate expla9$ ! s5se ( ^! emblems to ! novice1 !n tak+ ! light$ tap] f ! c&le/ick be=e h]1 he gave x to h]1 decl>+ 9 "o phrase ! mean+ ( 8 action3 ,accipe1 *>issima soror1 lum5 ,*ri/i4 ,!n ,dom ,eti5ne took ! spr9kl] :i* a prie/ h&$ him ) an incl9ation1 & z 9 ! g5]al absolution ( ! dead1 he spr9kl$ ! girl ) holy wat] 9 ! =m ( a cross1 !n he sat d[n & spoke g5tly & quietly )\t us+ a s+le ge/ure4 ,he spoke to ! po/ulant alone1 prais+ ! augu/ & humble life ( ! cloi/]4 ,look n back1 he said1 h no regrets1 = by my voice ,jesus repeats to y ! promise once made to ! ,magdal51 'y\rs is ! bett] "p1 :i* %all n be tak5 away f y4' ,say also to y\rself1 my daught]1 t1 h5ce=w>d1 tak5 away f ! et]nal trifl+ ( lab\rs 9 va91 y w accompli% a useful "w ^u e>?1 y w practise *>ity 9 its highe/ =m1 y w make expiation = o!rs1 y w pray = ^? :o nev] pray1 y w aid1 s f> z y\r /r5g? p]mits1 to make am5ds = ! hate ! _w be>s to ! ,savi\r4 ,suff] & y w be happy2 love y\r sp\se1 & y w see h[ t5d] ,he is to ,8 elect4 ,believe me1 ,8 love is su* t ,he w n ev5 wait till y are purifi$ by dea? to recomp5se y = y\r mis]able mortifications1 y\r poor suff]+s4 ,ev5 be=e y\r h\r is come1 ,he w heap ,8 graces ^u y1 & y w beg ,him to let y die1 s greatly w ! excess ( ^! joys exce$ y\r /r5g?4 ,little by little ! old monk grew w>m1 & return$ to ! words ( ,*ri/ to ! ,magdal51 %[+ h[ 9 ref]5ce to h] ,jesus set =w>d ! excell5ce ( ! contemplative ov] ! o!r ,ord]s1 & gave brief advice1 dwell+ on ! necessity ( humility & pov]ty1 :i* are1 z ,sa9t ,cl>e says1 ! two great walls ( cloi/]$ life4 ,!n he bless$ ! novice1 :o kiss$ 8 h&1 & :5 %e _h return$ to h] place1 he pray$ to ! ,"l1 lift+ 8 eyes to heav51 t ,he w\ld accept ?is nun1 :o (f]$ h]self z a victim = ! s9s ( ! _w4 ,!n1 /&+1 he inton$ ! ,te ,deum4 ,e "o rose1 & prec$$ by ! cross & tor* be>]s1 ! procession pass$ out ( ! *ur*1 & 0 mass$ 9 ! c\rt4 ,!n ,durtal might h believ$ himself c>ri$ back f> f ,p>is1 into ! he>t ( ! ,middle ,ages4 ,! c\rt1 surr\nd$ by build+s1 0 clos$ opposite ! entrance-gate by a high wall1 9 ! mid/ ( :i* 0 a fold+-door2 on ea* side six ?9 p9es rock$ to & fro1 & *ant+ 0 he>d beh9d ! wall4 ,! po/ulant1 9 front1 alone1 ne> ! clos$ door1 held h] tor*1 ) h] head b5t4 ,! abbot ( ,la ,trappe1 lean+ on 8 crosi]1 wait$1 unmov+1 a few paces f h]4 ,durtal exam9$ _! faces1 ! girl1 s commonplace 9 h] bridal co/ume1 _h become *>m+1 h] body 0 n[ full ( a timid grace1 ! l9es1 some:at too m>k$ "u h] worldly dress1 7 s(t5$1 "u h] religi\s %r\d h] outl9e 0 only a simple sket*1 x 0 z ?\gh ! ye>s _h roll$ back1 & z ?\gh !re 0 a return to ! =ms only prophesi$ 9 *ildhood4 ,durtal drew ne> to exam9e h] bett]1 he tri$ to look at h] face1 b "u ! *ill b&age ( h] head-dress1 %e rema9$ mute1 & z if abs5t f life1 ) h] eyes clos$1 & z ?\gh %e liv$ only 9 ! smile ( h] happy lips4 ,se5 ne>]1 ! monk :o _h seem$ s /\t & ruddy 9 ! *apel1 seem$ also *ang$1 8 frame rema9$ robu/1 & 8 complexion bright1 b 8 eyes ( a light blue1 l *alk wat]1 wat] )\t reflections or waves1 eyes wond]fully pure1 *ang$ ! common expression ( 8 features1 & took away f him t look ( a v9e-dress] :i* he _h at a di/ance4 ,x is cle>1 ?\ght ,durtal1 t ! s\l is ev]y?+ 9 ^! p1 & _! faces are modell$ by x4 ,!re is a holy cle>ness 9 _! eyes1 & _! lips1 9 ^? only ap]tures ?r\gh :i* ! s\l comes to look out ( ! body1 & almo/ %[s itself4 ,! *ants beh9d ! wall sudd5ly ceas$1 ! girl made a /ep =w>d1 & knock$ ) h] clos$ f+]s at ! door1 & !n ) a fail+ voice %e sang1-- ,ap]ite mihi portas ju/itiae3 ,+ressa 9 eas1 confitebor ,dom9o4 ,! door op5$4 ,ano!r l>ge c\rt1 pav$ ) pebbles 0 se51 b\nd$ at ! end by a build+1 & all ! community1 9 a sort ( semicircle1 ) black books 9 _! h&s1 cri$1-- ,haec porta ,dom9i3 ,ju/i intrabunt 9 eam4 ,! novice made ano!r /ep to ! sill & answ]$ 9 h] f>-away voice1-- ,+r$i> 9 locum tab]naculi admirabilis3 usque ad domum ,dei4 ,& ! *oir ( nuns1 unmov+1 answ]$1-- ,haec e/ domus ,dom9i firmit] a$ificata3 ,b5e fundata e/ supra firmam petram4 ,durtal ha/ily look$ at ^? faces :i* c\ld only be se5 = a few m9utes & on ! occasion ( su* a c]emony4 ,x 0 a r[ ( dead bodies /&+ 9 black %r\ds4 ,all 7 bloodless1 ) :ite *eeks1 lilac eyelids & grey lips1 ! voices ( all 7 exhau/$ & f9$ d[n by pray]1 & mo/ ( !m1 ev5 ! "y1 7 b5t4 ,_! poor bodies are worn ) au/]e fatigue1 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,b 8 reflections 7 cut %ort1 ! bride1 n[ kneel+ on ! ?re%old1 turn$ to ,dom ,eti5ne & *ant$ 9 a l[ voice1-- ,haec requies mea 9 saeculum saeculi3 ,hic habitabo quoniam elegi eam4 ,! monk laid aside 8 mitre & crosi] & said1-- ,confirma hoc ,deus1 quod op]atus es 9 nobis4 ,& ! po/ulant murmur$1-- ,a templo sacro tuo quod e/ 9 ,j]usalem4 ,!n be=e re-cov]+ 8 head & resum+ 8 crosi]1 ! prelate pray$ ,god ,almighty to p\r ! dew ( ,8 bless+ on ,8 h&maid2 !n direct+ ! girl t[>ds a nun :o left ! gr\p ( si/]s & advanc$ to ! ?re%old1 he said to h]1-- ,into y\r h&s1 ,madame1 we commit ?is new bride ( ! ,"l1 su/a9 h] 9 ! holy resolution %e has s solemnly tak5 ^u h]1 9 ask+ to sacrifice h]self to ,god z a victim1 & to d$icate h] life 9 hon\r ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/1 sacrific$ on our alt>s4 ,lead h] 9 ! way ( ! div9e ,comm&m5ts1 9 ! practice ( ! c\nsels ( ! ,holy ,gospel1 & 9 ! obs]vance ( ! mona/ic rule4 ,prep>e h] = ! et]nal union to :i* ! heav5ly ,sp\se invites h]1 & f ?is bless$ increase ( ! flock committ$ to y\r *>ge draw a new motive = mat]nal c>e4 ,! peace ( ! ,"l re/ ^u y4 ,?is 0 all3 ! nuns "o by "o turn$ & disappe>$ beh9d ! wall1 :ile ! girl foll[$ !m l a poor dog1 :o ) droop+ head accompanies at a di/ance a new ma/]4 ,! fold+ doors clos$4 ,durtal rema9$ /upefi$1 look+ at ! outl9e ( ! :ite bi%op1 ! backs ( ! prie/s :o 7 m\nt+ ! /eps to give ,b5$iction 9 ! *ur*1 :ile beh9d !m came 9 te>s1 _! faces 9 _! h&k]*iefs1 ! "m & si/] ( ! novice4 ,well8 said ! abb1 pass+ 8 arm ?r\gh ,durtal's4 ,well1 ?is sc5e is to my m9d ! mo/ t\*+ alibi ( dea? t x is possible to see1 ?is liv+ woman1 :o buries h]self 9 ! mo/ frightful ( tombs--= 9 x ! fle% cont9ues to suff]--is wond]ful4 ,i rememb] t y h y\rself told me ( ! pressure ( ?is obs]vance1 & ,i %iv]$ 9 ?9k+ ( p]petual ,adoration1 9 ^? w9t] nights1 :5 a *ild l ?is is awak5$ out ( h] fir/ sleep1 & ca/ into ! d>kness ( a *apel :]e unless %e fa9ts f weakness or t]ror1 %e mu/ pray alone1 ?r\gh ! freez+ h\rs on h] knees on ! pavem5t4 ,:at passes 9 t conv]sation ) ! unkn[n1 t int]view ) ! ,%ad[8 ,does %e succe$ 9 escap+ f self1 & 9 leav+ ! e>?1 9 ga9+1 on ! ?re%old ( ,et]nity1 ! inconceivable ,sp\se1 or does ! s\l1 p[]less to spr+ on high1 rema9 rivet$ to ! soil8 ,we figure h] to ourselves1 h] face b5t =w>d1 h] h&s jo9$1 mak+ appeal to h]self1 conc5trat+ h]self1 9 ord] to p\r h]self =? ! bett]1 & we imag9e h] ?us sickly1 ) no /r5g? left1 try+ to set h] s\l on fire 9 a %iv]+ frame4 ,b :o c tell if on c]ta9 nights %e atta9s to x8 ,ah6 ^? poor lamps ( exhau/$ oil1 ( flames almo/ dead1 :i* tremble 9 ! obscurity ( ! sanctu>y1 :at w ,god make ( !m8 ,!n !re 0 ! family pres5t at ! tak+ ! habit1 & if ! daught] fill$ me ) en?usiasm ,i c\ld n re/ra9 myself f pity+ ! "m4 ,?9k if ! daught] di$1 ! "m w\ld embrace h]1 w\ld p]haps speak to h]1 or if %e did n recognize h]1 x w\ld at lea/ n be ) h] own good w2 b 9 ?is case x is n ! body1 b ! v s\l ( h] *ild t dies be=e h] eyes4 ,( h] own accord h] *ild kn[s h] no long]1 x is ! contemptu\s end ( an affection4 ,y w admit t = a "m ?is is v h>d4 ,yes1 b ?is s-call$ +ratitude1 ga9$ at ! price ( ,god kn[s :at /ruggles1 is x n1 ev5 ap>t f ! div9e vocation1 ! mo/ equitable rep>tition ( human love8 ,?9k t ?is elect creature becomes ! scapegoat ( s9s committ$1 & l a lam5table daught] ( ,danaus %e w unceas+ly p\r ! (f]+ ( h] mortifications & pray]s1 ( h] vigils & fa/+s1 into ! bottomless vessel ( (f5ces & crimes4 ,ah6 if y knew :at x 0 to repair ! s9s ( ! _w4 ,9 reg>d to ?is ,i rememb] t "o day ! abbess ( ! ,b5$ict9es 9 ! ,rue ,t\rne=t said to me3 ',s9ce our te>s are n holy en\gh1 nor our s\ls pure en\gh1 ,god makes trial ( u 9 our bodies4' ,"h are long illnesses :i* _c be cur$1 illnesses :i* doctors fail to und]/&1 & we make ?us mu* expiation = o!rs4 ,b if y w ?9k ov] ! c]emony :i* is j end$1 y ne$ n be affect$ beyond measure or comp>e x to ! well-kn[n c]emonies ( a fun]al2 ! po/ulant :om y saw has n yet pron\nc$ h] f9al v[s1 %e c if %e *oose leave ! conv5t1 & return to h] own home4 ,at pres5t %e is 9 reg>d to h] "m1 a *ild 9 a =eign c\ntry1 a *ild at s*ool1 b %e is n a dead *ild4 ,y may say :at y please1 b !re is a trag$y 9 t door :i* clos$ ^u h]4 ,!re=e 9 ! ,b5$ict9e conv5t 9 ! ,rue ,t\rne=t1 ! sc5e takes place 9 ! int]ior ( ! conv5t1 & ! family is n pres5t1 ! "m is sp>$1 b mitigat$ ?us1 ! c]emony is b a m]e =m1 almo/ a fooli% rule 9 ! seclusion :]e9 ! ,fai? is hidd54 ,^? nuns are also ,b5$ict9es ( ! p]petual ,adoration1 are !y n8 ,yes1 d y "k _! conv5t8 ,& z ,durtal %ook 8 head1 ! abb cont9u$1-- ,x is old]1 b less int]e/+ ?an t 9 ! ,rue ,monsieur1 ! *apel is mean1 full ( pla/] /atuettes1 cotton fl[]s1 bun*es ( grapes & e>s ( corn 9 gold pap]1 b ! old build+ ( ! nunn]y is curi\s4 ,x conta9s1 :at %all ,i call x8 a s*ool d9+-room1 & a retreatant's draw+-room1 & s gives at once ! impression ( old age & *ildhood4 ,i "k t class ( conv5ts1 said ,durtal4 ,i us$ (t5 to see "o1 :5 ,i us$ to visit an old aunt at ,v]sailles4 ,x always us$ to impress me z a ,maison ,vauqu]1 br\ght to devotional uses1 x _h ! air at once ( a table d'hte 9 ! ,rue de la ,clef & ! sacri/y ( a c\ntry *ur*4 ,j s1 & ! abb w5t on ) a smile1-- ,i _h _m int]views ) ! abbess 9 ! ,rue ,t\rne=t2 y guess at r ?an see h]1 = y are sep>at$ f h] by a scre5 ( black wood1 beh9d :i* is /ret*$ a black curta9 :i* %e draws aside4 ,i c see x1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :o1 rememb]+ ! ,b5$ict9e cu/om1 saw 9 a second a little face confus$ 9 neutral t9t$ light1 & l[]1 at ! top ( h] habit1 ! gleam ( a m$al ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t 9 r$ enamell$ 9 :ite4 ,he laugh$ & said to ! abb1-- ,i laugh1 because hav+ _h "s bus9ess to transact ) my nun aunt ( :om ,i 0 speak+1 only visible l y\r abbess ?r\gh a trellis1 ,i f\nd out h[ to read h] ?\ghts a little4 ,ah6 h[ 0 t8 ,9 ?is way4 ,s9ce ,i c\ld n see h] face1 :i* 0 hidd5 beh9d ! lattice ( h] cage1 & disappe>$ beh9d h] veil1 & if %e %\ld answ] me1 hav+ no?+ to guide me b ! inflexions ( h] voice1 always circumspect & always calm1 ,i end$ by tru/+ only to h] great glasses1 r\nd1 ) buff frames1 :i* almo/ all nuns we>4 ,well1 all ! repress$ vivacity ( ?is woman bur/ out !re2 sudd5ly 9 a corn] ( h] glasses1 !re 0 a glimm]1 & ,i !n und]/ood t h] eye _h light$ up1 & gave ! lie to ! indiff]5ce ( h] voice1 ! det]m9$ quietness ( h] tone4 ,! abb 9 8 turn began to laugh4 ,d y "k ! ,sup]ior ( ! ,b5$ict9es1 9 ! ,rue ,monsieur8 said ,durtal4 ,i h spok5 ) h] once or twice2 !re ! p>l\r is mona/ic1 !re is n ! prov9cial & middle-class side ( ! ,rue ,t\rne=t1 x is compos$ ( a sombre room1 ( :i* all ! bread? at ! end is tak5 up by an iron grat+1 & beh9d ! grat+ are aga9 wood5 b>s1 & a %utt] pa9t$ black4 ,y are q 9 ! d>k1 & ! abbess1 sc>cely 9 ! light1 appe>s to y l a phantom4 ,! abbess is1 ,i suppose1 ! nun1 eld]ly1 fragile & v %ort1 to :om ,dom ,eti5ne committ$ ! novice8 ,yes4 ,%e is a rem>kable %eph]dess ( s\ls1 & :at is m1 a v well educat$ woman ( mo/ di/+ui%$ mann]s4 ,oh1 ?\ght ,durtal3 ,i c imag9e t ^! abbesses are *>m+1 b also t]rible wom54 ,sa9t ,t]esa 0 goodness itself1 b :5 %e speaks 9 h] ',way ( ,p]fection' ( nuns :o b& !mselves toge!r to discuss ! w ( _! "m1 %e %[s h]self inexorable1 = %e decl>es t p]petual imprisonm5t %\ld be inflict$ on !m z soon z possible & )\t fl9*+1 & 9 fact %e is "r1 = e disord]ly si/] infects ! flock1 & gives ! rot to s\ls4 ,?us talk+ !y _h rea*$ ! end ( ! ,rue de ,svres1 & ! abb /opp$ to re/4 ,ah1 he said1 z if speak+ to himself1 _h ,i n _h all my life heavy exp5ses1 fir/ a bro!r1 !n nephews to ma9ta91 ,i %\ld _m ye>s ago h become a memb] ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict's family4 ,i h always _h an attraction t[>ds t gr& ,ord]1 :i* is1 9 fact1 ! intellectual ,ord] ( ! ,*ur*4 ,!re=e1 :5 ,i 0 /rong] & y\ng]1 ,i always w5t = my retreats to "o ( _! mona/]ies1 sometimes to ! black monks ( ,solesmes1 or ( ,ligug1 :o h pres]v$ ! wise traditions ( ,sa9t ,maurus1 sometimes to ! ,ci/]cians1 or ! :ite monks ( ,la ,trappe4 ,true1 said ,durtal1 ,la ,trappe is "o ( ! great bran*es ( ! tree ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict1 b h[ is x t its ord9ances d n diff] f ^? :i* ! ,patri>* left8 ,t is to say t ! ,trappi/s int]pret ! rule ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict1 :i* is v broad & supple1 less 9 its _s ?an 9 its lett]1 :ile ! ,b5$ict9es d ! contr>y4 ,9 fact1 ,la ,trappe is an (f%oot ( ,citeaux1 & is mu* m ! daught] ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d1 :o 0 dur+ =ty ye>s ! v sap ( t bran*1 ?an ! desc5dant ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict4 ,b1 s f> z ,i rememb]1 ! ,trappi/s are !mselves divid$1 & d n live "u a uni=m discipl9e4 ,!y d s n[1 s9ce a pontifical brief dat$ ,m>* #ag?1 #ahic1 sanction$ ! decisions ( ! g5]al ,*apt] ( ! ,trappi/s assembl$ 9 ,rome1 & ord]$ ! fusion into "o sole ord]1 & "u ! direction ( a sole sup]ior1 ( ! ?ree obs]vances ( ! ,trappi/s1 :o 7 9 fact rul$ by discordant con/itutions4 ,& see+ t ,durtal 0 li/5+ att5tively1 ! abb cont9u$1-- ,among ^! ?ree obs]vances1 "o only1 t ( ! ,ci/]cian ,trappi/s1 to :i* belong$ ! abbey ( :i* ,i 0 a gue/1 foll[$ 9 _! integrity ! rules ( ! twelf? c5tury1 & l$ ! mona/ic life ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d's day4 ,?is alone recogniz$ ! rule ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict1 tak5 9 its /ricte/ application1 & complet$ by ! ,*>te de ,*>it1 & ! use & cu/oms ( ,citeaux2 ! two o!rs _h adopt$ ! same rule1 b revis$ & modifi$ 9 ! sev5te5? c5tury by ! ,abb de ,ranc1 & aga9 "o ( !m1 ! ,belgian congregation1 _h *ang$ ! /atutes impos$ by t abbot4 ,at ! pres5t day1 z ,i h j said1 all ! ,trappi/s =m only "o & ! same in/itute "u ! "n1 ,ord] ( ,re=m$ ,ci/]cians ( ! ,bless$ ,virg9 ,m>y ( ,la ,trappe1 & all resume ! rules ( ,citeaux1 & live aga9 ! life ( ! c5obites ( ! ,middle ,ages4 ,b if y h visit$ ^! ascetics1 said ,durtal1 y mu/ "k ,dom ,eti5ne8 ,no1 ,i h nev] /ay$ at ,la ,gr&e ,trappe1 ,i pref] ! poor & small mona/]ies :]e "o is mix$ up ) ! monks1 to ^? impos+ conv5ts :]e !y isolate y 9 a gue/-h\se1 & 9 a ^w keep y sep>ate4 ,!re is "o 9 :i* ,i make my retreats1 ,notre ,dame de l',atre1 a small ,trappi/ mona/]y a few leagues f ,p>is1 :i* is q ! mo/ s$uctive ( %elt]s4 ,besides t ! ,"l really abides !re1 = x has true sa9ts among its *ildr51 x is delightful also ) its ponds1 its immemorial trees1 its di/ant solitude1 f> 9 ! woods4 ,yes1 b1 obs]v$ ,durtal1 ! life !re mu/ be unb5d+1 = ,la ,trappe is ! mo/ rigid ord] :i* has be5 impos$ on m54 ,= 8 only answ] ! abb let g ,durtal's arm1 & took bo? 8 h&s4 ,d y "k1 he said1 look+ him 9 ! face1 x is !re y mu/ g = y\r conv]sion8 ,are y s]i\s1 ,monsieur l',abb8 ,& z ! prie/ press$ 8 h&s m /rongly ,durtal cri$1-- ,ah1 no inde$1 fir/ ,i h n ! /\tness ( s\l1 & if t be possible ,i h /ill less ! bodily heal? ne$$ = su* a c\rse1 ,i %\ld fall ill on my arrival1 & !n 444 & !n4444 ,& !n1 :at8 ,i am n propos+ to y to %ut y up = ev] 9 a cloi/]4 ,s ,i suppose1 said ,durtal1 9 a some:at piqu$ tone4 ,b j to rema9 a week1 j ! necess>y "t = a cure4 ,n[ a week is soon ov]1 !n d y ?9k t if y make su* a resolution ,god w n su/a9 y8 ,t is all v f9e1 b 444 ,let u speak on ! heal? "q1 !n2 & ! abb smil$ a smile ( pity t 0 a little contemptu\s4 ,i c promise y at once t z a retreatant1 y w n be b\nd to lead ! life ( a ,trappi/ 9 its au/]e/ s5se4 ,y ne$ n get up at two 9 ! morn+ = ,mat9s1 b at ?ree1 or ev5 at f\r o'clock1 accord+ to ! day4 ,& smil+ at ! face ,durtal made1 ! abb w5t on1-- ,z to y\r food x w be bett] ?an t ( ! monks2 naturally y w h no fi% nor meat1 b y may c]ta9ly h an egg = d9n]1 if vegetables are n en\gh = y4 ,& ! vegetables1 ,i suppose1 are cook$ ) salt & wat]1 & no season+8 ,no1 !y are dress$ ) salt & wat] only on fa/+ days2 at o!r times y w h !m cook$ 9 milk & wat]1 or 9 oil4 ,_m ?anks1 said ,durtal4 ,b all t is excell5t = y\r heal?1 cont9u$ ! prie/1 y compla9 ( pa9s 9 ! /oma*1 sick heada*es1 di>rhoea1 well1 ?is diet1 9 ! c\ntry1 9 ! air1 w cure y bett] ?an all ! drugs y take4 ,n[ let u leave1 if y l1 y\r body out ( ! "q1 = 9 su* a case1 x is ,god's "p to act aga9/ y\r weakness4 ,i tell y1 y w n be ill at ,la ,trappe1 t 7 absurd2 x w\ld be to s5d ! p5it5t s9n] away1 & ,jesus w\ld n !n be ! ,*ri/2 b let u talk ( y\r s\l4 ,h ! c\rage to take its measure1 to look x well 9 ! face4 ,d y see t8 said ! abb aft] a sil5ce4 ,durtal did n answ]4 ,admit1 said ! prie/1 t y are horrifi$ at x4 ,!y took a few /eps 9 ! /reet1 & ! abb cont9u$1-- ,y decl>e t y are su/a9$ by ! cr[ds ( ,notre ,dame des ,victoires & ! emanations ( ,/4 ,sev]94 ,:at w x be !n1 9 ! humble *apel1 :5 y w be on ! gr\nd huddl$ toge!r ) ! sa9ts8 ,i gu>antee y 9 ! "n ( ! ,"l an assi/ance su* z y h nev] _h2 & he w5t on ) a laugh1 ,i may add t ! ,*ur* w take pleasure 9 receiv+ y1 %e w br+ out h] ornam5ts :i* %e has n[ left (f3 ! au!ntic liturgies ( ! ,middle ,ages1 true pla9 *ant1 )\t solos or organs4 ,li/51 y\r propositions a/\nd me1 said ,durtal ) an ef=t4 ,no3 ,i assure y ,i am n at all dispos$ to imprison myself 9 su* a place4 ,i "k well t at ,p>is ,i %all nev] come to any good4 ,i swe> to y t ,i am n pr\d ( my life1 nor satisfi$ ) my s\l1 b f !nce 444 to 444 :]e ,i _c tell2 ,i want at lea/ a mitigat$ asylum1 a quiet conv5t4 ,!re mu/ be1 on ^? conditions1 some:]e1 hospitals = s\ls4 ,i c\ld only s5d y to ! ,jesuits1 :o make a specialty ( retreats = m53 b kn[+ y z ,i ?9k ,i "k y1 ,i feel sure y w\ld n /ay !re two days4 ,y w\ld f9d y\rself among amiable & v clev] prie/s1 b !y w\ld ov]:elm y ) s]mons1 w\ld wi% to int]f]e ) y\r life1 mix !mselves up ) y\r art1 !y w\ld exam9e y\r ?\ghts ) a magnify+ glass1 & !n y w\ld be "u treatm5t ) good "y p1 ^: un9tellig5t piety w\ld horrify y1 & y w\ld flee 9 exasp]ation4 ,at ,la ,trappe x is ! contr>y4 ,y w\ld c]ta9ly be ! sole retreatant !re1 & no "o w h ! lea/ idea ( tr\bl+ himself ab\t y2 y w be free1 y c if y *oose leave ! mona/]y j z y ent]$ x1 )\t hav+ confess$ or approa*$ ! ,sacram5ts1 y\r w w be respect$ !re1 & no monk w attempt to s\nd x )\t y\r au?ority4 ,to y only x w app]ta9 to decide :e!r y w be conv]t$ or no4 ,& y w l me to be frank to ! la/1 w y n8 ,y are1 z inde$ ,i h already said to y1 a s5sitive & di/ru/ful man2 well1 ! prie/ z y see him 9 ,p>is1 ev5 ! religi\s n cloi/]$1 seem to y1 h[ %all ,i express x8 second rate s\ls1 n to g fur!r4444 ,durtal prote/$ vaguely1 ) a ge/ure4 ,let me g on4 ,an aft]?\ght w come to y 9 reg>d to ! ecclesia/ic to :om w fall ! task ( cleans+ y1 y w be q c]ta9 t he is n a sa9t2 ?is is n v !ological1 = 7 he ev5 ! wor/ ( prie/s 8 absolution w\ld h j ! same value1 if y m]it x1 b inde$ "h is a "q ( s5tim5t :i* ,i respect1 y w ?9k ( him 9 a ^w3 he lives z ,i d1 he is n m self-d5y+ ?an ,i am1 no?+ %[s t 8 consci5ce is v sup]ior to m9e1 & !nce to los+ all confid5ce1 & ?r[+ up ! :ole ?+ !re is b a /ep4 ,at ,la ,trappe1 ,i w defy y to reason 9 ?is way1 & n to become humble4 ,:5 y see m51 :o aft] hav+ ab&on$ ev]y?+ to s]ve ,god1 lead a life ( privations & p5ance su* z no gov]nm5t w\ld d>e to inflict on its convicts1 y w inde$ be oblig$ to admit t y are no great ?+ by _! side4 ,durtal 0 sil5t4 ,aft] ! a/oni%m5t he _h felt at ! sugge/ion ( su* an issue1 he became dully irritat$ aga9/ ?is fri5d1 :o hi!rto s discreet1 _h sudd5ly ru%$ ^u 8 s\l & op5$ x by =ce4 ,!re came out ! disgu/+ vision ( an exi/5ce /ripp$1 us$ up1 r$uc$ to a /ate ( du/1 a condition ( rags4 ,& ,durtal %rank f himself1 conv9c$ t ! abb 0 "r1 t he mu/ at any rate /an* ! dis*>ge ( 8 s5ses1 & expiate _! inappeasable desires1 _! abom9able covet\sness1 _! rott5 ta/es1 & he 0 seiz$ ) a t]ror irrational & int5se4 ,he _h ! giddy fe> ( ! cloi/]1 a t]ror :i* attract$ him to ! abyss ov] :i* ,gvres9 made him lean4 ,en]vat$ by ! c]emony ( tak+ ! habit1 /unn$ by ! bl[ ) :i* ! prie/ _h assail$ him z !y left ! *ur*1 he n[ felt an angui% almo/ physical1 9 :i* ev]y?+ end$ 9 confusion4 ,he did n "k to :at reflections he %\ld give himself1 & only saw1 swimm+ on ?is :irlpool ( tr\bl$ ideas1 "o cle> ?\ght1 t ! mom5t _h come s dread$ by him 9 :i* he mu/ make a resolution4 ,! abb look$ at him1 saw t he 0 really suff]+1 & 0 full ( pity = a s\l s unable to support a /ruggle4 ,he took ,durtal's arm1 & said g5tly1-- ,my son1 believe me t ! day y g y\rself to ! h\se ( ,god1 ! day y knock at its door1 x w op5 wide1 & ! angels w draw aside to let y pass4 ,! ,gospel _c lie1 & x decl>es t !re is m joy ov] "o s9n] t rep5ts ?an ov] n9ety & n9e j p]sons :o ne$ no rep5tance4 ,y w be mu* bett] welcom$ ?an y expect1 & be suffici5tly my fri5d to ?9k t ! old prie/ y leave "h w n rema9 inactive1 & t he & ! conv5ts he c influ5ce w pray _! be/ = y4 ,i w see1 said ,durtal1 really mov$ by ! affectionate tone ( ! prie/1 ,i w see4 ,i _c decide ?us1 unexpect$ly2 ,i w ?9k4 ,ah6 x is n simple4 ,above all ?+s pray1 said ! prie/1 :o _h rea*$ 8 door4 ,i h on my side s\ght ! ,"l mu* t ,he w\ld enlight5 me1 & ,i decl>e to y t ! solution ( ,la ,trappe is ! only "o ,he has giv5 me4 ,ask ,him humbly1 9 y\r turn1 & y w be guid$4 ,i %all soon see y aga91 %all ,i n8 ,he press$ ,durtal's h&1 :o1 left alone1 recov]$ himself at la/4 ,!n he recall$ ! /rategic smiles1 ! ambigu\s phrases1 ! dreamy sil5ces ( ! ,abb ,gvres91 he und]/ood ! k9dness ( 8 c\nsels1 ! pati5ce ( 8 plans2 & a little put out at hav+ be51 )\t kn[+ x1 l$ s wisely1 he exclaim$ 9 spite ( himself1 ,?is1 !n1 0 ! design ! prie/ 0 rip5+1 ) 8 air ( n conc]n+ himself ) x at all4 ,,*apt] ,,ix4 ,he exp]i5c$ t pa9ful awak5+ ( a sick man :om a doctor deceives = mon?s1 :o le>ns "s f9e morn+ t he is to be tak5 at once to an hospital to und]go an urg5t surgical op]ation4 ,b t is n ! way ?+s %\ld be done1 cri$ ,durtal1 p %\ld be prep>$1 little by little1 accu/om$ by words ( w>n+1 to ! idea t !y are to be cut up on a table1 !y are n /ruck d[n ?us unexpect$ly6 ,yes1 b :at does t matt]8 s9ce ,i "k v well1 9 ! dep?s ( my s\l1 t ?is prie/ is "r2 ,i mu/ leave ,p>is if ,i wi% to am5d2 b all ! same1 ! treatm5t he inflicts is h>d inde$ to foll[2 ,i "k n :at to d4 ,& f ?is mom5t 8 days 7 haunt$ by ,trappi/s4 ,he turn$ ov] ! ?\ght ( 8 dep>ture1 & exam9$ x on all sides1 *ew$ ! cud ( = & aga9/1 & end$ by say+ to himself1 ,t he w\ld take /ock ( 8 reflections & op5 an acc\nt1 & ?is ) a debit & cr$it side1 t he might "k himself ! bett]4 ,! debit is t]rible4 ,to ga!r up 8 life1 & ca/ x into ! /ove ( a cloi/]2 & aga91 he ought to "k if 8 body 7 9 a /ate to be> su* a rem$y2 m9e is frail & s(t1 accu/om$ to rise late2 x becomes weak if n n\ri%$ by fle% meat1 & is subject to neuralgia at any *ange ( ! h\r ( meals4 ,i %\ld nev] be able to hold out d[n !re ) vegetables cook$ 9 w>m oil or 9 milk2 fir/ ,i dete/ oily cook]y1 & ,i hate milk /ill m1 :i* ,i _c dige/4 ,!n ,i ?9k ,i see myself on my knees1 on ! floor = h\rs1 ,i :o suff]$ s mu* at ,la ,glacire 9 rema9+ 9 t po/ure1 on a /ep1 = sc>ce a qu>t] ( an h\r4 ,aga91 ,i am s accu/om$ to cig>ettes t x is absolutely impossible to give !m up1 & x is pretty c]ta9 !y w n let me smoke 9 a mona/]y4 ,no1 inde$1 f ! bodily po9t ( view1 ?is plan is madness2 9 my /ate ( heal? !re is no doctor :o w\ld n dissuade me f und]tak+ su* a risk4 ,if ,i place myself 9 a spiritual po9t ( view ,i mu/ !n aga9 recognize t x is t]rible to ent] ,la ,trappe4 ,i am afraid inde$ t my dryness ( s\l1 my want ( love w rema91 & !n :at w\ld become ( me 9 su* surr\nd+s8 !n x is equally probable1 t 9 t solitude & absolute sil5ce1 ,i %\ld be we>i$ to dea?1 & if x be s1 :at a mis]able exi/5ce is x to /alk ab\t a cell & c\nt ! h\rs4 ,no1 = t "o ne$s to be firmly fix$ on ,god1 to be dwelt 9 :olly by ,him4 ,moreov]1 !re are two =midable que/ions :i* ,i h nev] prop]ly weigh$1 because x has be5 pa9ful to ?9k ( !m1 b n[ t !y come be=e me1 & /op ! road1 ,i mu/ face !m1 ! que/ions ( ,confession & ,holy ,communion4 ,confession8 ,yes1 ,i w cons5t to x1 ,i am s tir$ ( myself1 s disgu/$ ) my wret*$ exi/5ce t ?is expiation appe>s to me z des]v$1 ev5 necess>y4 ,i desire to humble myself1 ,i w\ld ask p>don ) all my he>t1 b aga9 ?is p5ance mu/ be assign$ me "u possible conditions4 ,at ,la ,trappe1 if ,i believe ! abb1 no "o w tr\ble himself ab\t me1 9 o!r words no "o w enc\rage me1 & aid me to submit to ?is sorr[ful extraction ( my %ames4 ,i %all be some:at l a sick man op]at$ on 9 hospital1 f> f 8 fri5ds & relatives4 ,confession1 he w5t on1 is an admirable discov]y1 = x is ! mo/ s5sitive t\*/one ( s\ls1 ! mo/ intol]able act :i* ! ,*ur* has ev] impos$ on ! vanity ( m54 ,is ?is /range8 ,we speak easily ( our lapses1 ( our gross] actions1 ev51 inde$1 to a prie/ 9 conv]sation1 t does n seem to lead to any consequ5ces1 & p]haps a little bragg+ ent]s into our admission ( easy s9s1 b to tell ! same ?+ on "o's knees1 accus+ oneself1 aft] pray]1 is diff]5t1 t :i* 0 only r amus+ becomes a v pa9ful humiliation1 = ! s\l is n ! dupe ( ?is false seem+1 x kn[s s well 9 its inn] tribunal t all is *ang$1 x feels s well ! t]rible p[] ( ! ,sacram5t1 t he :o b n[ smil$1 n[ trembles at ! v ?\ght4 ,n[1 7 ,i to f9d myself face to face ) an old monk :o em]ges f an et]nity ( sil5ce to li/5 to me1 a monk :o w n aid me1 p]haps _c ev5 und]/& me1 ?is w be t]rible4 ,i %all nev] get to ! end ( my tr\bles if he does n hold out a /aff to me1 if he lets me /ifle & gives no air to my s\l1 nor br+s me help4 ,! ,eu*>i/ also seems t]rible4 ,to d>e to come =w>d1 to (f] ,him z a tab]nacle ! sew] ( self sc>ce purifi$ by rep5tance1 a sew] dra9$ by absolution1 b /ill h>dly dry1 is mon/r\s4 ,i am q )\t su* c\rage z to (f] ,*ri/ ?is la/ insult1 & s !re is no good 9 flee+ to a mona/]y4 ,no2 ! m ,i ?9k ( x1 ! m ,i am oblig$ to conclude t ,i %\ld be mad if ,i v5tur$ into a ,trappi/ h\se4 ,n[ = ! ,cr$it side4 ,! only prop] "w ( my life w\ld be to make a p>cel ( my life1 & take x to a cloi/] to dis9fect x1 & if t co/ me no?+1 :]e is ! m]it8 ,no?+ %[s me1 on ! o!r h&1 t my body1 h[ev] weak5$1 _c support ! regim5 ( ,la ,trappe4 ,)\t believ+ or pret5d+ to believe ) ! ,abb ,gvres9 t t k9d ( food w be ev5 helpful to me1 ,i ought to c\nt on ,div9e consolations1 to admit ! pr9ciple t1 if ,i am s5t !re1 x is n t ,i may take at once to my b$1 or be oblig$ to leave aga9 z soon z ,i arrive--at lea/1 unless t is ! *a/isem5t prep>$ me1 ! expiation dem&$1 & aga9 no1 = t w\ld be to ascribe to ,god pitiless tricks1 & w\ld be absurd6 ,z to ! cook]y1 x matt]s little t x is unciviliz$1 if my /oma* c dige/ x2 to h bad food1 & get up 9 ! middle ( ! night is no?+1 provid$ ! body c /& x1 & no d\bt ,i %all f9d "s means ( smok+ cig>ettes by /eal? 9 ! woods4 ,aft] all1 a week is soon ov]1 & ,i am n ev5 oblig$1 if ,i feel poorly1 to rema9 a week4 ,f ! spiritual po9t ( view1 ,i mu/ aga9 c\nt on ! m]cy ( ,god1 believe t x w n ab&on me1 w dress my w\nds1 & *ange ! v f\ndation ( my s\l4 ,i "k well t ^! argum5ts d n re/ on any e>?ly c]ta9ty1 b yet if ,i h pro(s t ,provid5ce has already tak5 "p 9 my affairs1 ,i h no reason to suppose t ^! argum5ts are weak] ?an ! purely physical motives :i* s]v$ to support my o!r !sis4 ,n[ ,i mu/ recall t conv]sion1 s outside my w2 ,i mu/ take acc\nt ( a fact :i* %\ld enc\rage me1 ! weakness ( ! temptations :i* ,i n[ exp]i5ce4 ,x is difficult to h be5 m rapidly & m completely he>d4 ,:e!r ,i owe ?is grace to my own pray]s or to ^? ( ! conv5ts :i* h %ield$ me )\t kn[+ me1 x is ! case t = "s "t pa/ my bra9 has be5 sil5t & my fle% calm4 ,t mon/] ,flor5ce appe>s to me /ill at c]ta9 times1 b %e does n approa* me1 %e rema9s 9 ! %ade1 & ! end ( ! ,"l's ,pray]1 ! 'ne nos inducas 9 t5tationem1' puts h] to flight4 ,t is an unaccu/om$ fact1 & yet a precise "o4 ,:y %\ld ,i d\bt1 !n1 t ,i %all be bett] upheld at ,la ,trappe ?an ,i am 9 ,p>is itself8 ,!re rema9 confession & communion4 ,confession8 ,x w be :at ! ,"l *ooses x %\ld be4 ,he w *oose ! monk = me2 ,i %all only be able to make use ( him2 & !n ! m disagreeable x is1 ! bett] wor? x w be2 & if ,i suff] mu*1 ,i %all ?9k myself less unwor?y to communicate4 ,t is1 he w5t on1 ! mo/ pa9ful po9t6 ,communicate6 ,b let u consid]1 x is c]ta9 t ,i %all be base 9 propos+ to ,*ri/ t ,he %\ld desc5d l a scav5g] into my dit*2 b if ,i wait till x is empty1 ,i %all nev] be 9 a /ate to receive ,him1 = my bulkheads are n clos$1 & s9s w\ld filt] ?r\gh ! fissures4 ,all ?is well consid]$1 ! abb spoke tru? :5 he answ]$ me "o day3 ',b ,i too am n wor?y to approa* ,him2 ?ank ,god1 ,i h n ^? sew]s ( :i* y speak1 b 9 ! morn+1 :5 ,i g to say my mass1 & ?9k ( all ! du/ ( ! ev5+1 d y n ?9k t ,i am a%am$8 ,x is always necess>y1 y see1 to g back to ! ,gospels1 & say to y\rself t ,he came = ! weak & ! sick1 ! publicans & lep]s2 &1 9 fact1 y mu/ conv9ce y\rself t ! ,eu*>i/ is a look\t po/1 a help1 t x is giv51 z x is writt5 9 ! ord9>y ( ! ,mass ad tutam5tum m5tis et corporis et ad m$elam p]cipi5dam4 ,x is1 if ,i may say s1 a spiritual m$ic9e2 y g to ! ,savi\r j z y g to a doctor1 y take y\r s\l to ,him to c>e = x1 & ,he does s6' ,i /& be=e ! unkn[n1 pursu$ ,durtal1 ,i compla9 t ,i am arid1 & h w&]$ f ! "r way1 b :o w decl>e to me t1 if ,i det]m9e to communicate1 ,i %all rema9 9 ! same m9d2 = inde$1 if ,i h ,fai?1 ,i ought to believe 9 ! occult "w ( ,*ri/ 9 ! ,sacram5t4 ,la/ly1 ,i am afraid ( be+ we>i$ by solitude2 ,i am n mu* amus$ "h z x is1 b at ,la ,trappe ,i %all no long] h ^? vacillations at e m9ute1 ^? con/ant fe>s2 ,i %all at lea/ h ! advantage ( hav+ my "t to myself2 & !n 444 & !n 444 h[ well ,i "k solitude4 ,h ,i n liv$ ap>t s9ce ! dea?s ( des ,h]mies & ,c>haix8 ,inde$1 :om d ,i see8 ,a few publi%]s1 a few lit]>y m51 & my relations ) ^! p are n int]e/+4 ,z to sil5ce1 x is a bless+4 ,i %all n he> any fooli% say+s at ,la ,trappe2 ,i %all n li/5 to pitiable homilies & poor s]mons2 b ,i ought to rejoice on be+ at la/ isolat$1 f> f ,p>is1 f> f m54 ,he 0 sil5t1 & made1 z x 71 a return 9 ^u himself2 & said to himself1 9 a melan*oly mann]3 ,^! /rifes are useless1 ^! reflections va94 ,i ne$ n try to take acc\nt ( my s\l1 to make out ! debit & cr$it2 ,i "k1 )\t kn[+ h[1 t ,i mu/ g2 ,i am ?ru/ out ( myself by an impulse :i* rises f ! v dep?s ( my be+1 to :i* ,i am q c]ta9 ,i h to yield4 ,at t mom5t ,durtal _h decid$1 b t5 m9utes aft]w>ds ! attempt at resolution vani%$4 ,he felt 8 c[>dice ga9 on him once m1 he *ew$ once m ! cud ( argum5ts aga9/ 8 mov+2 came to ! conclusion t 8 reasons = rema9+ 9 ,p>is 7 palpable1 human1 c]ta91 :ile ! o!rs 7 intangible1 extra-natural1 & consequ5tly subject to illusions1 p]haps false4 ,& he inv5t$ = himself ! fe> ( n obta9+ ! ?+ he fe>$1 said to himself t ,la ,trappe w\ld n receive him1 or c]ta9ly t x w\ld refuse him communion2 & !n he sugge/$ to himself a middle t]m3 to confess at ,p>is & communicate at ,la ,trappe4 ,b !n !re pass$ 9 him an incompreh5sible fact3 8 :ole s\l revolt$ at ?is idea1 & ! =mal ord] n to deceive himself 0 truly brea!d into him1 & he said to himself3 ,no1 ! bitt] draught mu/ be dra9$ to ! la/ drop1 x is all or no?+2 if ,i confess to ! abb x w be 9 disob$i5ce to absolute & secret directions2 ,i %\ld be capable ( n go+ aft]w>ds to ,notre ,dame de l',atre4 ,:at %all ,i d8 ,& he accus$ himself ( di/ru/1 call$ to 8 aid once m ! memory ( b5efits receiv$1 h[ scales _h fall5 f 8 eyes1 8 ins5sible progress t[>ds ,fai?1 8 enc\nt] ) t s+ul> prie/1 p]haps ! only "o :o c\ld und]/& him1 & treat him 9 a way s b5ign & s ela/ic2 b he tri$ 9 va9 to reassure himself1 !n he call$ up ! dream ( ! mona/ic life1 ! sov]eign beauty ( ! cloi/]2 he imag9$ ! joy ( r5unciation1 ! peace ( exalt$ pray]s1 ! int]ior intoxication ( ! _s1 ! delight ( n be+ at home any long] 9 8 own body4 ,"s words ( ! abb ab\t ,la ,trappe s]v$ z a spr+-bo>d = 8 dreams1 & he p]ceiv$ an old abbey1 grey & w>m1 imm5se av5ues ( trees1 cl\ds fly+ confus$ly amid ! song ( wat]s1 sil5t /rolls 9 ! woods at nightfall2 he call$ up ! solemn liturgies ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict's "t2 he saw ! :ite pi? ( mona/ic *ants rise "u ! sc>cely prun$ b>k ( s\nd4 ,he succe$$ 9 8 decision1 & cri$3 ,y h dream$ = ye>s ( ! cloi/]s1 n[ rejoice t y w "k !m at la/1 & he wi%$ to g at once & live !re2 !n sudd5ly he fell d[n into reality1 & said to himself3 ,x is easy to wi% to live 9 a mona/]y1 to tell ,god t y w\ld desire to take %elt] !re91 :5 life 9 ,p>is weighs y d[n1 b :5 x comes to ! real po9t ( emigration1 x is q ano!r matt]4 ,he turn$ ov] ^! ?\ghts ev]y:]e1 9 ! /reet1 at home1 9 ! *apels4 ,he hurri$ l a %uttle f "o *ur* to ano!r1 hop+ to solace 8 fe>s by *ang+ 8 place1 b !y p]si/$1 & r5d]$ e place intol]able4 ,!n 9 ! sacr$ places came always t dryness ( s\l1 ! brok5 spr+ ( impulse1 a sudd5 sil5ce )91 :5 he desir$ consolation 9 speak+ to ,him4 ,8 be/ mom5ts1 8 pauses 9 ! hurly-burly1 7 a few m9utes ( absolute torpor1 :i* re/$ l sn[ on ! s\l & he he>d no?+4 ,b ?is dr[s9ess ( ?\ght la/$ b a :ile1 ! :irlw9d blew once m1 & ! pray]s :i* 7 wont to appease x refus$ to leave 8 lips1 he tri$ religi\s music1 ! despair+ sequ5ces ( ! psalms1 pictures ( ! ,crucifixion by ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s1 to excite him1 b 8 pray]s ran on & became confus$ on 8 lips1 7 dive/$ ( all s5se1 m]e words1 empty %ells4 ,at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 :]e he dragg$ himself t he might ?aw a little "u ! w>m? ( 8 neighb\rs' pray]s1 he did 9 fact feel less *illy1 & seem$ to break up a little1 fell drop by drop into sorr[s :i* he c\ld n =mulate1 & 7 all summ$ up 9 ! cry ( a sick *ild1 9 :i* he said to ,our ,lady1 9 l[ tones3 ,my s\l is sorr[ful4 ,!nce he return$ to ,/4 ,sev]91 sat d[n "u ^? ar*es br[n$ by ! ru/ ( pray]s1 &1 haunt$ by 8 fix$ idea1 he plead$ = himself ext5uat+ circum/ances1 exagg]at$ ! au/]ities ( ,la ,trappe1 tri$ almo/ to exasp]ate 8 fe> to excuse 8 weakness 9 a vague appeal to ,our ,lady4 ,b ,i mu/ g & see ! ,abb ,gvres91 he murmur$1 b 8 c\rage /ill fail$ him to pron\nce ! ,yes :i* ! prie/ w\ld surely require f him4 ,he end$ by discov]+ a reason = 8 visit1 )\t ?9k+ himself oblig$ to promise j yet4 ,aft] all1 he ?\ght1 ,i h no precise in=mation ab\t ?is mona/]y2 ,i d n ev5 "k :e!r x may n be necess>y to take a long & exp5sive j\rney to get !re2 ! abb inde$ decl>es t x is n f> f ,p>is1 b x is impossible to decide on ?is simple decl>ation2 x w be useful also to "k ! habits ( ^! c5obites be=e go+ to /ay ) !m4 ,! abb smil$ :5 ,durtal m5tion$ ^! objections4 ,! j\rney is %ort1 he said4 ,y />t f ! ,g>e du ,nord at eight o'clock 9 ! morn+ = ,sa9t ,l&ry1 :]e y arrive at a qu>t] to twelve2 y lun* at an inn close to ! /ation1 & :ile y are dr9k+ y\r c(fee !y get y a c>riage1 & aft] a drive ( f\r h\rs y arrive at ,notre ,dame de l',atre = d9n]4 ,!re is no difficulty !re4 ,!n ! co/ is mod]ate4 ,z f> z ,i rememb] ! railway f>e is ab\t fifte5 francs1 add two or ?ree francs = lun*1 & six or sev5 = ! c>riage 444 ,& z ,durtal 0 sil5t1 ! abb w5t on3 ,well8 ,ah yes1 yes 444 if y knew 444 ,i am 9 a pitiable /ate1 ,i w & w n1 ,i "k well t ,i ought to take refuge !re1 b 9 spite ( myself1 ,i wi% to ga9 "t & put (f ! h\r ( dep>ture4 ,& he cont9u$3 ,my s\l is out ( ge>1 :5 ,i w\ld pray1 my s5ses g all a/ray1 ,i _c recollect myself1 & if ,i succe$ 9 pull+ myself toge!r1 five m9utes d n pass b ,i am all a/ray aga92 no1 ,i h nei!r f]v\r nor true contrition1 ,i d n love ,god en\gh1 if x mu/ be said4 ,&1 inde$1 dur+ ! la/ two days1 a frightful c]ta9ty has gr[n up 9 me2 ,i am sure t1 9 spite ( my good int5tions1 if ,i f\nd myself 9 ! pres5ce ( a c]ta9 p]son1 ^: sight tr\bles me1 ,i %\ld s5d religion to ! devil1 ,i %\ld return eag]ly to my vomit2 ,i only hold on because ,i am n tempt$1 ,i am no bett] ?an :5 ,i 0 s9n+4 ,y w admit t ,i am 9 a wret*$ /ate to ent] a ,trappi/ mona/]y4 ,y\r reasons are at lea/ weak1 answ]$ ! abb4 ,y say fir/ t y\r pray]s are di/ract$1 t y are unable to conc5trate y\r att5tion2 b 9 fact y are j l ev]ybody else4 ,ev5 ,sa9t ,t]esa decl>es t (t5 %e 0 unable to recite ! ,cr$o )\t di/raction1 x is a weakness 9 :i* we mu/ j take our portion humbly3 above all ?+s x is necess>y n to lay too mu* /ress on ^! evils1 = ! fe> ( see+ !m return ensures _! assiduity2 y are di/ract$ 9 pray] by ! v fe> ( di/raction1 & by regret = x2 g =? m boldly1 look at ?+s m widely1 pray z be/ y c1 & d n tr\ble y\rself4 ,aga91 y decl>e t if y meet a c]ta9 p]son ^: attraction is a tr\ble to y1 y w succumb4 ,h[ d y "k t8 :y %\ld y take c>e ab\t s$uctions :i* ,god does n yet inflict ^u y1 & :i* ,he w p]haps sp>e y8 ,:y d\bt ,8 m]cy8 ,:y n believe1 on ! contr>y1 t if ,he judge ! temptation useful1 ,he w aid y en\gh to prev5t y\r s9k+ "u x8 ,9 any case y ought n1 by anticipation1 to fe> disgu/ at y\r weakness2 ! ,imitation decl>es ',!re is no?+ m fooli% & va91 ?an to afflict ourselves ab\t future ?+s :i* may p]haps nev] happ54' ,no1 x is en\gh to occupy ourselves ) ! pres5t1 = ',suffici5t = ! day is ! evil !re(1'--'sufficit diei malitia sua4' ,f9ally y say y d n love ,god2 aga9 ,i answ]1 :at d y "k ab\t x8 ,y h ?is love by ! v tok5 t y desire to h x1 & t y regret y h x n2 y love our ,"l by ! v fact t y desire to love ,him4 ,t is special plead+1 murmur$ ,durtal4 ,b inde$1 he w5t on1 suppose at ,la ,trappe1 ! monk revolt$ at ! long outrage ( my s9s1 refus$ me absolution1 & =bade me to communicate4 ,! abb bur/ out laugh+4 ,y are mad6 ,:at is y\r notion ( ,*ri/8 ,n ( ,*ri/1 b ( ,8 int]m$i>y ! human be+ :o replaces ,him4 ,y c only *ance ^u a man po9t$ out be=eh& f above to judge y2 moreov]1 at ,notre ,dame de l',atre y h e *ance ( kneel+ at ! feet ( a sa9t1 !re=e ,god w inspire him1 w be pres5t1 y h no?+ to fe>4 ,z to ! ,communion1 ! prospect ( be+ reject$ t]rifies y1 b is n t "o pro( ! m t1 contr>y to y\r op9ion1 ,god does n leave y ins5sible8 ,yes1 b ! idea ( communicat+ al>ms me none ! less4 ,i say to y aga93 if ,jesus 7 indiff]5t to y1 x w\ld be j ! same to y1 to consume or n to consume ! sacr$ species4 ,all t does n conv9ce me1 sigh$ ,durtal4 ,i d n "k :]e ,i am2 ,i am afraid ( a confessor1 ( o!rs1 ( myself2 x is fooli%1 b x is /rong] ?an ,i4 ,i _c ga9 ! upp] h&4 ,y are afraid ( ! wat]2 imitate ,grib\ille1 ?r[ y\rself 9 boldly2 look1 suppose ,i write to ,la ,trappe ?is v day to say y are com+2 :58 ,oh6 cri$ ,durtal1 wait a :ile4 ,to get an answ]1 we ne$ two days ea* way2 w y g !re five days h5ce8 ,&1 z ,durtal 0 a/\nd$ & sil5t1 ,is t settl$8 ,!n1 at t mom5t1 ,durtal _h a /range exp]i5ce1 z (t5 at ,/4 ,sev]91 a sort ( c>ess+ t\* & g5tle pu%2 he felt a w ins9uate itself into 8 own1 & he drew back disquiet$ at see+ he _h a d\ble self1 to f9d he 0 no long] alone 9 ! dep? ( 8 be+2 !n he 0 inexplicably reassur$1 & gave himself up1 & z soon z he _h said ,yes he felt imm5sely reliev$2 !n pass+ f "o extreme to ! o!r1 he 0 tr\bl$ at ! idea t 8 dep>ture c\ld n take place at once1 & 0 sorry t he _h /ill to pass five days 9 ,p>is4 ,! abb laugh$4 ,b ! ,trappi/s mu/ h notice1 x is a simple =mality1 = ) a ^w f me1 y w be receiv$ at once1 b wait at lea/ until ,i h s5t ?is ^w2 ,i w po/ x ?is ev5+1 s h no anxiety1 & sleep 9 peace4 ,durtal 9 8 turn laugh$ at 8 own impati5ce4 ,y mu/ ?9k me v ridicul\s1 he said4 ,! prie/ %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s4 ,come1 y ask$ me ab\t my little mona/]y2 ,i mu/ try to satisfy y4 ,x is v small1 if comp>$ ) ! gr&e ,trappe at ,soligny1 or ! e/abli%m5ts at ,sept ,fonds1 ,meill]ay or ,aiguebelle1 = !re are only ab\t t5 *oir fa!rs1 & ab\t ?irty lay bro!rs or 'conv]si4' ,!re are also a c]ta9 numb] ( peasants :o "w ) !m1 & help !m to till _! l&1 & make _! *ocolate4 ,!y make *ocolate6 ,t surprises y4 ,h[ d y ?9k !y live8 ,ah6 ,i w>n y1 y are n go+ into a sumptu\s mona/]y4 ,i l x s4 ,b 9 reg>d to ! /ories ( ,la ,trappe1 ,i suppose ! monks d n greet ea* o!r ) ',bro!r1 we mu/ die1' & t !y d n dig _! graves e morn+8 ,all t is false4 ,!y take no tr\ble ab\t _! graves1 & !y salute ea* o!r sil5tly1 s9ce !y are =bidd5 to speak4 ,!n :at am ,i to d if ,i ne$ any?+8 ,! abbot1 ! confessor1 & ! gue/-ma/] h ! "r ( conv]s+ ) ! gue/s1 y w h to d ) !m alone2 ! o!rs w b[ :5 y meet !m1 b if y speak to !m !y w n answ]4 ,x is well to "k t4 ,:at is _! dress8 ,be=e ! f\ndation ( ,citeaux1 ! ,b5$ict9es wore1 or s x is suppos$1 ! black habit ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict2 ! ,b5$ict9es prop]ly s-call$ we> x /ill1 b at ,citeaux ! col\r 0 *ang$1 & ! ,trappi/s1 :o are a twig ( ?is bran*1 h adopt$ ! :ite robe ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d4 ,pray p>don all ^! que/ions1 :i* mu/ seem *ildi%1 b s9ce ,i am ab\t to visit ^! monks1 ,i ought to be 9 "s measure acqua9t$ ) ! cu/oms ( _! ord]4 ,i am :olly at y\r disposition1 repli$ ! abb4 ,durtal ask$ him ab\t ! situation ( ! abbey itself1 & he repli$1 ,! pres5t mona/]y dates f ! eighte5? c5tury1 b y w see 9 ! g>d5s ! ru9s ( ! old cloi/]1 :i* 0 built 9 ! "t ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d4 ,9 ! ,middle ,ages !re 0 a succession ( ,bless$ 9 ?is conv5t2 x is a truly sanctifi$ l&1 fit = m$itation & regret4 ,! abbey is situat$ at ! bottom ( a valley1 accord+ to ! ord]s ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d2 = y "k t if ,sa9t ,b5$ict lov$ ! hills1 ,sa9t ,b]n>d s\ght ! l[ & moi/ pla9s :]e9 to f\nd 8 conv5ts4 ,an old ,lat9 l9e has pres]v$ ! diff]5t ta/es ( ^! two sa9ts3 ',b]n>dus valles1 colles ,b5$ictus amabat4' ,0 x on acc\nt ( 8 own p]sonal lik+1 or = a pi\s end1 t ,sa9t ,b]n>d built 8 h]mitages 9 un:olesome & flat places8 ,9 ord] t 8 monks1 ^: heal? 0 enfeebl$ by ! fogs1 might h con/antly be=e _! eyes ! salut>y image ( dea?4 ,! deuce he did6 ,i may add at once t ! valley 9 :i* ,notre ,dame de l',atre rises is n[ dra9$1 & ! air is v pure4 ,y w /roll by delightful ponds1 & ,i may recomm5d y1 on ! bord]s ( ! enclosure1 an av5ue ( secul> *e/nuts1 :]e y may take "s refre%+ walks at daybreak4 ,& aft] a sil5ce ! ,abb ,gvres9 cont9u$1-- ,walk !re a good deal1 trav]se ! woods 9 all directions2 ! =e/s w tell y m ab\t y\r s\l ?an books3 ',aliquid amplius inv5ies 9 sylvis quam 9 libris1' wrote ,sa9t ,b]n>d--'pray & y\r days w seem %ort4' ,durtal w5t away f ! prie/'s h\se com=t$1 almo/ joyful2 he felt at lea/ ! solace ( a fix$ decision1 a resolution tak5 at la/4 ,he said to himself t ! only ?+ n[ to be done 0 to prep>e himself z be/ he c\ld = ! retreat1 & he pray$ & w5t to b$ = ! fir/ "t = mon?s ) 8 m9d at re/4 ,b next day1 :5 he woke1 8 mood *ang$1 all 8 preconceiv$ ideas1 all 8 fe>s return$2 he ask$ himself if 8 conv]sion 7 ripe en\gh to all[ him to cut x sep>ate1 & c>ry x to ,la ,trappe2 ! fe> ( a confessor1 ! dread ( ! unkn[n1 assail$ him afre%4 ,i 0 wrong to h answ]$ s soon1 & he ask$ himself1 ,:y did ,i say 'yes'8 ,! recollection ( ?is ^w pron\nc$ by 8 lips1 conceiv$ by a w :i* 0 /ill 8 own & yet o!r ?an 81 came back to 8 m9d4 ,x is n ! fir/ "t t su* a ?+ happ5$ to me1 he ?\ght1 ,i h already exp]i5c$ :5 alone 9 ! *ur*es unexpect$ c\nsels1 sil5t ord]s1 & x mu/ be admitt$ t x is t]rify+ to feel ?is infusion into self ( an invisible be+1 & to "k t he c1 if he *oose1 almo/ turn y out ( ! doma9 ( y\r p]sonality4 ,b no1 x is n t1 !re is no sub/itution ( an ext]ior w to "o's own1 = "o's free w is absolutely intact2 nei!r is x "o ( ^? irresi/ible impulses endur$ by c]ta9 sick p]sons1 = no?+ is m easy ?an to resi/ x2 x is /ill less a sugge/ion1 s9ce1 9 ?is case1 !re are no magnetic passes1 no somnambulism induc$1 no hypnotism2 no1 x is ! irresi/ible entrance into oneself ( a /range w1 ! sudd5 intrusion ( a precise & discreet desire1 a pressure on ! s\l at once firm & g5tle4 ,ah6 aga9 ,i am incorrect1 & play ! fool1 b no?+ c describe t close pressure1 :i* vani%es at ! lea/ movem5t ( impati5ce--x is felt b _c be express$4 ,its introduction is always att5d$ by surprise1 almo/ ) angui%1 s9ce x does n make use ( ev5 an int]ior voice to make itself he>d1 & is =mulat$ )\t ! aid ( words1 all is blott$ out1 ! brea? :i* has ?rill$ y disappe>s4 ,y w\ld wi% t ?is incitem5t %\ld be confirm$1 t ! ph5om5on %\ld be repeat$ 9 ord] to be m closely obs]v$1 to try to analyze x & und]/& x1 :5 lo6 x is gone2 y rema9 alone ) y\rself1 are free n to obey1 y\r w is unfett]$ & y "k x1 b y "k also t if y reject ^! invitations y take on y\rself unspeakable risks = ! future4 ,9 fact1 pursu$ ,durtal1 x is an angelic influx1 a div9e t\*1 some?+ analog\s to ! int]ior voice s well kn[n by ! my/ics1 b x is less complete1 less precise1 & yet x is q z c]ta94 ,he end$ 8 dreams conclud+1 ,i am consum$ & coll>$ by myself1 be=e be+ able to answ] ?is prie/1 ^: argum5ts w\ld sc>ce p]suade me1 unless ,i _h _h ?is help1 ?is unexpect$ succ\r4 ,b !n1 s9ce ,i am ?us l$ by ! h&1 :at h ,i to fe>8 ,he fe>$ all ! same1 & c\ld n be at peace ) himself2 !n if he pr(it$ by ! com=t ( a decision1 he 0 consum$ = ! mom5t by ! expectation ( 8 dep>ture4 ,he tri$ to kill "t 9 read+1 b he _h to admit once m t he c\ld n expect consolation f any book4 ,none came ev5 di/antly into relation ) 8 /ate ( m9d4 ,high ,my/icism 0 s little human1 so>$ at su* heights f> f our mire1 t no sov]eign aid c\ld be expect$ f x4 ,he end$ by fall+ back on ! ,imitation1 9 :i* ,my/icism1 plac$ )9 ! rea* ( ! cr[d1 0 l a trembl+ & pla9tive fri5d :o /an*$ y\r w\nds )9 ! cells ( its *apt]s1 pray$ & wept ) y1 & 9 any case compassionat$ ! desolate wid[hood ( s\ls4 ,un=tunately1 ,durtal _h read s mu*1 & 0 s saturat$ ) ! ,gospels1 t he _h tempor>ily exhau/$ _! s$ative & soo?+ virtues4 ,tir$ ( read+1 he aga9 began 8 c\rses 9 ! *ur*es4 ,& suppose ! ,trappi/s w n h me1 he ?\ght1 :at w become ( me8 ,b ,i tell y t !y w receive y1 said ! abb1 :om he w5t to see4 ,he 0 n easy till ! day ! prie/ h&$ him ! answ] f ,la ,trappe4 ,he read3-- ,we w receive ) pleasure1 = a week1 9 our gue/-h\se ! retreatant :om y wi% to comm5d to u1 & ,i d n see at ! mom5t any reason :y ! retreat %\ld n beg9 next ,tuesday4 ,9 ! hope1 ,monsieur l',abb1 t we %all also h ! pleasure ( see+ y aga9 9 our solitude1 ,i beg to assure y t ,i am y\rs mo/ respectfully1 ,f4 ,m4 ,,eti5ne1 ,gue/ma/]4 ,he read & re-read x1 at once delight$ & t]rifi$4 ,!re is no fur!r d\bt2 x is irrevocable1 he said1 & he w5t at once 9 ha/e to ,/4 ,sev]91 hav+ less ne$ ( pray] ?an ( go+ ne> to ,our ,lady2 ( %[+ himself to h]1 pay+ h]1 z x 71 a visit ( ?ankfulness1 & express+ 8 gratitude by 8 v pres5ce4 ,he 0 tak5 by ! *>ms ( t *ur*1 its sil5ce1 ! %ad[ :i* fell on ! apse1 f ! height ( its palm trees ( /one1 & he end$ by c>+ = no?+ & s9k+ on a *air1 fill$ ) "o sole desire1 n to ent] aga9 on ! life ( ! /reets1 nev] to leave 8 refuge1 nev] to move4 ,! next day1 :i* 0 a ,sunday1 he w5t to ! ,b5$ict9e nuns to he> ,high ,mass4 ,a black monk celebrat$2 he recogniz$ a ,b5$ict9e :5 ! prie/ *ant$ ,dom9\s vobisc\m1 = ! ,abb ,gvres9 _h told him t ! ,b5$ict9es pron\nc$ ,lat9 l ,italian4 ,?\gh he 0 n incl9$ to l t pronunciation :i* took away f ,lat9 ! sonor\s tones ( its words1 & turn$ aft] a fa%ion ! phrases ( t tongue into a r+ ( bells ) _! clapp]s muffl$ or _! vases /uff$ ) t[1 he let himself g1 tak5 hold ( by ! unction1 by ! humble piety ( ! monk1 :o almo/ trembl$ ) rev]5ce & joy :5 he kiss$ ! alt>1 & he _h a deep voice1 to :i*1 beh9d ! grat+1 answ]$ ! cle> high voices ( ! nuns4 ,durtal pant$1 li/5+ to ! fluid pictures ( ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s sket* & =m & pa9t !mselves on ! air2 he 0 affect$ to 8 v m>r[1 z he _h =m]ly be5 dur+ ,high ,mass at ,/4 ,sev]94 ,he _h lo/ t emotion n[ 9 t *ur*1 :]e ! fl[] ( melody _h fad$ = him s9ce he knew ! ,b5$ict9e pla9 song1 & he n[ f\nd x aga91 or r he took x ) him f ,/4 ,sev]9 to ?is *apel4 ,& = ! fir/ "t he _h a wild desire1 a desire s viol5t t x seem$ to melt 8 he>t4 ,x 0 at ! mom5t ( ! ,communion4 ,! monk1 elevat+ ! ,ho/1 utt]$ ! ,dom9e non sum dignus4 ,pale1 ) drawn features1 sorr[ful eyes1 & s]i\s m\?1 he seem$ to h escap$ f a mona/]y ( ! ,middle ,ages1 cut out ( "o ( ^? ,flemi% pictures :]e ! monks are /&+ 9 ! backgr\nd1 :ile1 be=e !m1 nuns are pray+ on _! knees ) jo9$ h&s1 ne> ! donors1 to ! *ild ,jesus on :om ! ,virg9 smiles1 :ile l[]+ h] long la%es "u h] ar*+ br[4 ,& :ile he desc5d$ ! /eps & communicat$ two wom51 ,durtal trembl$1 & 8 desires w5t =? t[>ds ! ciborium4 ,x seem$ to him t if he 7 n\ri%$ on t ,bread1 !re w\ld be an end ( all 8 dryness & all 8 fe>s2 x w\ld seem to him t ! wall ( 8 s9s1 high] & high] f ye> to ye>1 & n[ b>r+ 8 view1 w\ld roll away1 & at la/ he w\ld see4 ,& he 0 9 ha/e to set (f = ,la ,trappe1 t he too might receive ! ,sacr$ ,body f ! h&s ( a monk4 ,t mass gave him new /r5g? l a tonic1 he came out ( ! *apel joyful & firm]1 & :5 ! impression grew some:at feebl] 9 ! c\rse ( h\rs1 he rema9$ p]haps less affect$1 b /ill resolute1 jok+ 9 ! ev5+ ) a g5tle melan*oly ab\t 8 condition3 ,!re are _m p :o g to ,b>ges or ,vi*y to cure _! bodies1 & :y %\ld n ,i g & cure my s\l 9 a ,trappi/ mona/]y8 ,,*apt] ,x4 ,i %all make myself a prison] 9 two days1 sigh$ ,durtal2 x is "t to ?9k ab\t pack+4 ,:at books %all ,i take to help me to live d[n !re8 ,he se>*$ 8 libr>y1 & turn$ ov] ! my/ical books1 :i* _h1 by degrees1 replac$ pr(ane works on ! %elves4 ,i w n talk ( ,sa9t ,t]esa1 he ?\ght2 nei!r %e1 nor ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 w\ld be indulg5t en\gh to me 9 solitude2 ,i h ne$ ( m p>don & consolation4 ,sa9t ,d5ys ! ,areopagite1 or ! apocryphal book kn[n "u t "n8 ,he is ! fir/ ( ! ,my/ics1 & p]haps has gone ! fur!/ 9 8 !ological def9itions4 ,he lives 9 ! r>efi$ air ( ! m\nta9 tops1 above ! gulfs1 on ! ?re%old ( ! o!r _w :i* he sees 9 "p by fla%es ( grace1 & he rema9s lucid1 undazzl$ 9 ! blaze ( light ar\nd him4 ,x seems t 9 8 ',cele/ial ,hi]>*ies1' 9 :i* he br+s out 9 procession ! armies ( heav51 & %[s ! mean+ ( angelic attributes & symbols1 he has already pass$ ! limits assign$ to man1 & yet 9 8 ',div9e ,names' he v5tures ev5 a /ep fur!r1 & !n he raises himself into ! sup]-ess5ce ( metaphysics at once calm & /]n4 ,he ov]-heats ! human ^w to give x great] =ce1 b :5 aft] all 8 ef=ts he endeav\rs to def9e ! ,indescribable1 to di/+ui% ^? nev] to be conf\nd$ ,p]sons ( ! ,tr9ity :o 9 _! plurality nev] lose _! unity1 words fail on 8 lips1 & 8 tongue is p>alyz$ "u 8 p52 !n tranquilly & )\t any a/oni%m5t he makes himself aga9 a *ild1 comes d[n f ^? heights among u1 & 9 ord] to try & expla9 to u :at he und]/&s1 he has rec\rse to comp>isons ) dome/ic life2 & t he may expla9 ! ,tr9ity 9 ,unity he notices h[1 if _m tor*es be light$ 9 "o hall1 lights1 ?\gh di/9ct1 m+le 9 "o1 & are 9 fact no m ?an "o4 ,sa9t ,d5ys1 ?\ght ,durtal1 is "o ( ! bolde/ explor]s ( ! et]nal regions1 b he w\ld be dry read+ at ,la ,trappe4 ,ruysbrck8 he ?\ght--p]haps1 & yet ,i h>dly am sure--,i might put him 9 my bag z well z = a cordial ! little collection di/ill$ by ,hello2 z = ! ,spiritual ,m>riages1 s well translat$ by ,maet]l9ck1 !y are disconnect$ & obscure1 !y /ifle me1 ?is ,ruysbrck oppresses me less4 ,?is h]mit is s+ul>1 all ! same1 = he does n ent] into u1 b r goes r\nd ab\t u2 he endeav\rs1 l ,sa9t ,d5ys1 to arrive at ,god1 r 9 heav5 ?an 9 ! s\l1 b 9 wi%+ to take su* a flight1 he /ra9s 8 w+s1 & /amm]s incompreh5sibly :5 he comes d[n4 ,we w leave him beh9d1 !n4 ,n[ let u see4 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa8 ,h] discussions betwe5 ! s\l1 ! body1 & self-love are unmean+ & confus$1 & :5 9 h] ',dialogues1' %e treats ( ! op]ations ( ! int]ior life1 %e is greatly bel[ ,sa9t ,t]esa & ,sa9t ,angela4 ,on ! o!r h& h] ,treatise on ,purgatory is cle>4 ,x decl>es t %e alone has p5etrat$ into ! spaces ( unkn[n sorr[s1 & t %e has dis5tangl$ & tak5 hold ( ! joys2 %e has 9 fact succe$$ 9 reconcil+ two contr>ies :i* seem$ et]nally repugnant2 ! suff]+ ( ! s\l 9 its purification f s91 & ! joy ( ! same s\l1 :i* at ! v mom5t x is endur+ frightful torm5t exp]i5ces imm5se happ9ess1 = little by little x draws ne> to ,god1 & feels ,8 rays attract x m & m1 & ,8 love inundate x ) su* excess1 t x w\ld seem ! ,savi\r desires n\ght b only x4 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e sets =? also t ,jesus =bids heav5 to none1 t x is ! s\l h]self :o1 deem+ h]self unwor?y to atta9 x1 fl+s h]self by h] own motion into ,purgatory !re to cleanse h]self1 = %e has only "o end1 to re-e/abli% h]self 9 h] primitive purity1 only "o desire1 to atta9 h] la/ end1 by de/roy+ h]self1 annihilat+ h]self1 los+ h]self 9 ,god4 ,?is is a conclusive /udy1 murmur$ ,durtal1 b n t :i* w\ld lead to ,la ,trappe4 ,we mu/ try aga94 ,he t\*$ o!r volumes 9 ! book-cases4 ,"h1 = in/ance1 is "o :i* obvi\sly ,i %\ld use1 he w5t on1 z he took d[n ! ,s]aphic ,!ology ( ,sa9t ,bonav5ture1 = he cond5ses ! means ( self-exam9ation1 ( m$itation = communion1 ( ?\ghts on dea?1 !n 9 ^! ',selections' is a treatise on ! ,contempt ( ! ,_w1 ^: t]se phrases are admirable2 x is ! true ess5ce ( ! ,holy ,_s1 a jelly ( unction firm set--we w put t on "o side4 ,i %all h>dly f9d a bett] help to rem$y ! probable we>9ess ( solitude1 murmur$ ,durtal1 turn+ ov] new ranks ( volumes4 ,he look$ at ! titles4 ,! ,life ( ! ,bless$ ,virg91 by ,m4 ,oli]4 ,he hesitat$1 say+ to himself1 ,"u a /yle :i* is l wat] ) sc>cely ! *ill (f1 !re are "s int]e/+ obs]vations1 "s ta/eful comm5ts4 ,m4 ,oli] has 9 a way trav]s$ ! my/]i\s t]ritory ( hidd5 designs1 & has !re discov]$ ! unimag9able tru?s :i* ! ,"l is sometimes pleas$ to reveal to ,8 sa9ts4 ,he has made himself ! liege-man ( ,our ,lady1 & liv+ ne> h] has made himself also ! h]ald ( h] attributes1 ! legate ( h] graces4 ,8 ,life ( ,m>y is c]ta9ly ! only "o :i* seems really inspir$ & is possible to read4 ,:]e ! abbess ( ,agr$a w&]s1 he alone rema9s vigor\s & cle>4 ,he %[s u ! ,virg9 exi/+ f all et]nity 9 ,god1 conceiv+ )\t ceas+ to be immaculate1 l ! cry/al :i* receives & reflects ! rays ( ! sun1 yet loses no?+ ( its lu/re1 & inde$ %9es ) great] brightness1 br++ =? )\t pa91 b suff]+ at ! dea? ( h] ,son ! pangs %e w\ld h borne at ,8 bir?4 ,!n he gives u le>n$ diss]tations on ,h] :om he calls ! ,treasure-h\se ( all good1 ! ,m$iatrix ( love & impetration4 ,yes1 b to conv]se ) ,h] no?+ is s good z ! ',(ficium p>vum beat ,virg9is1' & t1 conclud$ ,durtal1 ,i w put 9 my bag ) my ,pray]-book2 we w n di/urb ,m4 ,oli]'s volume4 ,my /ock beg9s to give out1 he cont9u$4 ,angela ( ,foligno8 ,c]ta9ly %e is a brasi] at :i* "o may w>m "o's s\l4 ,i w take h] ) me4 ,:at m--,taul]'s ,s]mons8 ,i am tempt$ to d s1 = nev] has any treat$ bett] ?an ?is monk ! mo/ ab/ruse subjects ) a m p]fectly lucid m9d4 ,by aid ( famili> images1 humble analogies1 he has r5d]$ accessible ! highe/ speculations ( ,my/icism4 ,he is homely & deep1 !n he borr[s a little f quietism1 &1 p]haps1 x w be no bad ?+ to absorb1 d[n !re1 a few drops ( t mixture4 ,yet on ! :ole1 no2 ,i h r ne$ ( n]ve tonics4 ,z to ,suso1 he is a rem$y f> inf]ior to ,sa9t ,bonav5ture1 or ,sa9t ,angela4 ,i put aside also ,sa9t ,bridget ( ,sw$51 = 9 h] conv]sations ) heav5 %e seems aid$ by a ,god morose & tir$1 :o reveals to h] no?+ unexpect$1 no?+ new4 ,!re is also ,sa9t ,magdal5 ( ,pazzi1 t voluble ,c>melite ^: "w is a s]ies ( apo/rophes4 ,an exclamatory p]son1 clev] at analogies1 exp]t 9 co9cid5ces1 a sa9t infatuat$ ) metaphors & hyp]boles4 ,%e talks directly ) ,god ! ,fa!r1 & /amm]s out 9 ec/asy explanations ( ! my/]ies reveal$ to h] by ! ,anci5t ( days4 ,h] books conta9 "o sov]eign page on ! ,circumcision1 ano!r magnific5t "o1 entirely made up ( anti!ses1 on ! ,holy ,_s1 o!rs1 v /range1 on ! deification ( ! human s\l1 on its union ) heav51 & on ! "p assign$ 9 ?is op]ation to ! w\nds ( ! ,^w4 ,^! are inhabit$ ne/s2 ! eagle :i* is ! symbol ( ,fai? resides 9 ! eyrie ( ! left foot2 9 ! hole ( ! "r foot resides ! melan*oly sweetness ( ! turtle-doves2 9 ! w\nd ( ! left h& ! dove ensconces h]self1 ! symbol ( surr5d]1 & 9 ! cavity ( ! "r h& reposes ! pelican1 ! emblem ( love4 ,^! birds leave _! ne/s & come to seek ! s\l t !y may lead x to ! nuptial *amb] ( ! w\nd :i* ble$s 9 ! side ( ,*ri/4 ,0 x n also t ,c>melite nun :o1 ravi%$ by ! p[] ( grace1 despis$ s greatly ! c]titude acquir$ by ! way ( ! s5ses1 z to say to ! ,"l3 ',if ,i saw ,!e ) m9e eyes1 ,i %\ld h ,fai? no m1 because ,fai? ceases :]e evid5ce comes 9'8 ,all ?+s consid]$1 he said2 ,magdal5 ( ,pazzi1 ) h] dialogues & contemplations1 op5s eloqu5t horizons1 b ! s\l1 sn>$ 9 ! bird-lime ( its s9s1 _c foll[ h]4 ,no2 ?is sa9t _c reassure me 9 ! cloi/]4 ,ah6 he w5t on1 %ak+ ! du/ f a volume 9 a grey cov]2 ah6 x is true ,i h ,! ,preci\s ,blood1 ( ,fa!r ,fab]4 ,& he began to dream z he turn$ ov] its pages :]e he /ood4 ,he rememb]$ ! impression1 till n[ =gott51 produc$ on him :5 he read x4 ,! "w ( ?is ,oratorian 0 at lea/ /range4 ,! pages boil$ ov]1 ran =? tumultu\sly1 c>ry+ ) !m gr&iose visions1 su* z ,hugo conceiv$1 develop+ hi/orical p]spectives su* z ,mi*elet lov$ to pa9t4 ,9 ?is volume 0 se5 advanc+ ! solemn procession ( ! ,preci\s ,blood1 />t+ f ! conf9es ( humanity1 f ! orig9 ( ! ages1 & x broke ! b\nds ( ! worlds1 ov]:elm$ ! nations1 subm]g$ hi/ory4 ,fa!r ,fab] 0 less a my/ic1 prop]ly s-call$1 ?an a vision>y & a poet2 9 spite ( ! abuse ( rhetoric transf]r$ f ! pulpit to a book1 he tore up s\ls by roots1 c>ri$ !m away on ! ru% ( ! /ream1 b :5 "o rega9$ foot+1 & s\ght to rememb] :at _h be5 he>d & se51 "o c\ld recall no?+2 on reflection "o recogniz$ t ! !me ( ! "w 0 v ?91 too sl5d] to h be5 execut$ by s noisy an or*e/ra1 & !re rema9$ ( t read+ some?+ di/ract+ & fev]i% :i* made y uneasy1 & made y ?9k t ?is k9d ( book _h only v di/ant relation to ! heav5ly fulness ( ! great my/ics4 ,no1 n t1 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,n[ :at h we select$8 ,i keep ! little collection ( ,ruysbrck1 ! ,life ( ,angela ( ,foligno1 & ,sa9t ,bonav5ture1 & ! be/ ( all = my /ate ( s\l1 he said1 /rik+ 8 =ehead4 ,he w5t back to 8 book-case1 & seiz$ a little book1 :i* lay alone 9 a corn]4 ,he sat d[n1 & turn$ x ov]1 say+1 ,"h is ! tonic1 ! /imulant 9 weakness1 ! /ry*n9e = failure ( ,fai?1 ! goad :i* drives y 9 te>s to ! feet ( ,*ri/1 ! ',dolor\s ,passion' ( ,si/] ,emm]i*4 ,%e 0 no *emi/ ( ! spiritual be+1 l ,sa9t ,t]esa2 %e _h no?+ to d ) our int]ior life2 9 h] book %e =got h]self1 & left u on "o side1 = %e saw only ,jesus crucifi$1 & wi%$ only to %[ ! /ages ( ,8 agony1 & to leave m>k$ on h] pages1 z on ! veil ( ,v]onica1 ! impr9t ( ! ,holy ,face4 ,?\gh %e 0 ( our "t1 = ,ca!r9e ,emm]i* di$ 9 #ahbd1 ?is great "w dates f ! ,middle ,ages4 ,x is a picture :i* seems to belong to ! e>ly s*ools ( ,franconia & ,swabia4 ,?is woman 0 ! si/] ( ! ,zeitbloms & ! ,grnewalds1 %e _h _! cle> visions1 _! vivid col\r+1 _! wild sc5t2 b %e seem$ to br+ back also1 by h] c>e = exact detail1 by h] precise indication ( places1 ! old ,flemi% ,ma/]s1 ,rog] ,van d] ,weyd5 & ,b\ts2 %e unit$ 9 h]self two curr5ts1 spr++ "o f ,g]many1 ! o!r f ,fl&]s1 & ?is pa9t+ bru%$ 9 ) blood1 & v>ni%$ ) te>s1 0 transpos$ by h] into a prose /yle :i* has no relation to any kn[n lit]ature1 ( :i* we c only f9d by analogy ! ance/ry 9 ! panels ( ! fifte5? c5tury4 ,moreov]1 %e 0 q illit]ate1 _h nev] read a book1 nor se5 a pa9t+2 %e told q pla9ly :at %e saw 9 h] ec/asies4 ,! pictures ( ! ,passion unfold$ !mselves be=e h] :ile %e 0 b$-ridd51 cru%$ by suff]+1 ble$+ f ! w\nds ( h] /igmata2 %e m\rn$ & wept1 br\ght to no?+ness by love & pity1 be=e ! torm5ts ( ,*ri/4 ,accord+ to h] words1 :i* a scribe took d[n1 ,calv>y rose1 & ! :ole rascaldom ( ! soldi]s ru%$ at ! ,savi\r & spat on ,him2 frightful episodes took place :]e ,jesus1 *a9$ to a pill>1 twi/+ l a worm1 "u ! la%es ( ! sc\rg]s1 !n fall+1 look+ ) ,8 fail+ eyes1 at ! fall5 wom5 :o held ,him by ! h&1 & turn$ away 9 disgu/ f ,8 lac]at$ body1 f ,8 face cov]$ ) ?reads ( blood z ) a r$ net4 ,!n sl[ly1 pati5tly1 only /opp+ to sob1 & cry = m]cy1 %e describ$ ! soldi]s te>+ away ! /uff :i* _h /uck to ! w\nds1 ! ,virg9 weep+2 h] face livid & h] lips blue1 %e relat$ ! agony ( ,8 be>+ ,8 ,cross1 h[ ,he fell on ,8 knees1 grew weak] & m worn :5 dea? came4 ,x 0 a frightful spectacle1 told 9 its e p>ticul>1 =m+ a sublime & frightful :ole4 ,! ,r$eem] 0 ext5d$ on a cross laid on ! gr\nd1 "o ( ! execution]s plac$ a knee aga9/ ,8 side1 :ile ano!r spread ,8 f+]s abroad1 & a ?ird hamm]$ 9 a flat-head$ nail z broad z a cr[n1 & s long t ! po9t came out beh9d ! wood4 ,& :5 ! "r h& 0 rivet$ ! tortur]s saw t ! left w\ld n rea* to ! place !y int5d$ to pi]ce1 !re=e !y atta*$ a rope to ! arm1 pull$ x ) all _! =ce1 dislocat$ ! %\ld]1 & ! cries ( ! ,savi\r 7 he>d above ! bl[s ( ! hamm]1 ,8 brea/ 0 se5 heav+1 :ile ,8 body 0 angui%$ & furr[$ by t]rible %udd]+4 ,! same sc5e 0 repeat$ to fix ,8 feet4 ,!y also did n rea* ! place :i* ! execution]s _h m>k$4 ,! body _h to be ti$ & ! arms b\nd s z n to te> ! h&s f ! wood1 & !n x 0 necess>y to hang on ! legs s z to l5g!n !m z f> z ! bracket on :i* !y 7 to re/2 all at once ! entire body yield$1 ! ribs mov$ "u ! sk92 ! %ock 0 s fe>ful1 t ! execution]s believ$ t ! bones w\ld />t1 & bur/ ! fle%1 :]e=e !y made ha/e to re/ ! left foot on ! "r1 b _! difficulties began aga91 ! feet turn$ ov]1 & x 0 necess>y to bore !m ) an aug] to fa/5 !m4 ,?is cont9u$ till ,jesus di$1 :5 ,si/] ,emm]i* fa9t$ f t]ror1 h] /igmata bl$ afre%1 & h] w\nd$ head ra9$ blood4 ,9 ?is book ! :ole pack ( ,jewi% h\nds 0 se5 9 full cry1 ! imprecations & %\ts ( ! cr[d 7 he>d1 ! ,virg9 0 %[n trembl+ ) fev]1 ! ,magdal51 beyond h]self1 0 t]rible by h] cries1 & t[]+ above ?is lam5table gr\p1 ,*ri/ appe>$1 pale & swoll51 ,8 legs entangl$ 9 ,8 robe1 :5 ,he m\nt$ to ,golgo?a cl5*+ ,8 brok5 nails on ! cross z x slipp$ f ,8 grasp4 ,?is extraord9>y vision>y1 ,ca!r9e ,emm]i*1 also describ$ ! surr\nd+s ( ^! sc5es1 ! l&scapes ( ,juda1 :i* %e _h nev] visit$1 b h s9ce be5 recogniz$ z exact2 )\t kn[+ x1 )\t will+ x1 ?is illit]ate woman became an unique & p[]ful arti/4 ,wond]ful vision>y1 wond]ful pa9t]1 cri$ ,durtal1 & also wond]ful sa9t1 he add$1 runn+ ov] ! life ( ?is nun1 plac$ z a preface to ! book4 ,%e 0 born 9 #aggd1 9 ! diocese ( ,mn/]1 ! *ild ( poor peasants4 ,f h] infancy %e _h conv]sations ) ! ,virg91 & possess$ ! gift :i* also 0 giv5 to ,sa9t ,sibyll9e ( ,pavia1 ,ida ( ,l\va91 & m rec5tly to ,l\ise ,lateau1 ( disc]n+1 :5 %e look$ at1 or t\*$ !m1 objects :i* _h be5 bless$ f ^? :i* _h n4 ,%e ent]$1 z a novice1 ! ,augu/9ian conv5t at ,dulm51 made h] pr(ession :5 %e 0 tw5ty-n9e2 h] heal? fail$ & incessant pa9 tortur$ h]1 :i* %e increas$1 =1 l ,bless$ ,lidw9e1 %e obta9$ f ,heav5 p]mission to suff] = o!rs1 & succ\r ! sick by tak+ _! maladies4 ,9 #ahaa1 "u ! gov]nm5t ( ,j]ome ,bonap>te1 ,k+ ( ,we/phalia1 ! conv5t 0 suppress$ & ! nuns disp]s$4 ,infirm & p5niless1 %e 0 c>ri$ to a room 9 an inn :]e %e _h to be> e sort ( curiosity & insult4 ,*ri/ add$ to h] m>tyrdom 9 giv+ h] ! /igmata = :i* %e ask$2 %e c\ld nei!r rise1 nor walk1 nor sit1 c\ld take no food b ! juice ( a *]ry1 b %e 0 transport$ by long ec/asies4 ,9 ^! %e visit$ ,pale/9e1 foll[+ ! ,savi\r /ep by /ep1 dictat$ ) groans ?is fond book1 !n said ) h] dea?-rattle1 ,let me die 9 %ame ) ,jesus on ! ,cross1 & di$ ov]:elm$ ) joy1 ?ank+ ,heav5 = ! life ( suff]+ %e _h endur$4 ,ah1 yes2 ,i w take ! ',dolor\s ,passion6' cri$ ,durtal to himself4 ,take ! ,gospels also1 said ! abb1 :o came 9 mean:ile2 !y are ! heav5ly phials f :i* y w draw ! oil y ne$ to dress y\r w\nds4 ,x w be equally useful1 & truly 9 accordance ) ! atmosph]e ( ,la ,trappe1 to be able to read 9 ! abbey itself ! works ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d1 b !y consi/ ( unmanageable folios1 & ! abridgm5ts & extracts 9 volumes ( a m conv5i5t =m are s ill-*os51 t ,i h nev] _h ! c\rage to buy !m4 ,!y h ,sa9t ,b]n>d at ,la ,trappe1 & w l5d y ! volumes if y ask !m2 b :]e are y f ! spiritual po9t ( view8 ,h[ are y gett+ on8 ,i am melan*oly1 badly prep>$ & resign$4 ,i _c tell if we>9ess has come f my turn+ always on ! same r\nd1 l a circus horse1 b at ?is mom5t ,i am n suff]+4 ,i am p]suad$ t ?is *ange ( place is necess>y1 & t x w\ld be useless to hesitate4 ,all ! same1 he said1 aft] a sil5ce1 x is v odd t ,i am go+ to imprison myself 9 a mona/]y1 & 9 tru?1 9 spite ( myself1 t a/oni%es me4 ,i w admit1 said ! abb1 laugh+1 t :5 ,i fir/ met y at ,tocane's1 ,i nev] ?\ght ,i 0 po9t$ out to direct y to a mona/]y2 ah1 y see ,i mu/ evid5tly belong to t category ( p :om ,i may call m]e bridges1 involunt>y brok]s ( s\ls :o are impos$ on y = a c]ta9 end :i* y d n suspect1 & ( :i* ev5 !mselves are ignorant4 ,r1 if any "o 7 a m]e bridge 9 ?is matt]1 answ]$ ,durtal1 x 0 ,tocane1 = x 0 he :o br\ght u toge!r1 & we kick him away z soon z he has f9i%$ 8 unconsci\s task2 x 0 evid5tly design$ t we %\ld "k ea* o!r4 ,t is true1 said ! abb1 ) a smile2 n[ ,i d n suppose ,i %all see y aga9 be=e y />t1 = ,i g to-morr[ to ,mcon1 :]e ,i %all /ay five days1 "t to see my nephews & to sign "s law pap]s3 at any rate keep up y\r c\rage1 & d n =get to s5d me news ( y\rself4 ,write to me )\t mu* delay1 t ,i may f9d y\r lett] :5 ,i return to ,p>is4 ,& z ,durtal ?ank$ him = 8 con/ant k9dness1 he took 8 h& & held x 9 8 own4 ,say no?+ ab\t t1 he said2 y h only to ?ank ,him1 ^: fa!rly impati5ce has brok5 ! ob/9ate slumb] ( y\r ,fai?2 y owe ?anks to ,god only4 ,?ank ,him 9 gett+ rid ( y\r nature z soon z possible1 & leav+ ! h\se ( y\r consci5ce empty = ,him4 ,! m y die to y\rself ! bett] w ,he live 9 y4 ,pray] is ! mo/ p[]ful ascetic means by :i* y c r5\nce y\rself1 empty y\rself & r5d] y\rself humble 9 ?is matt]2 pray !re=e )\t ceas+ at ,la ,trappe4 ,implore our ,lady especially1 = l myrrh :i* consumes ! pr\d fle% ( w\nds1 %e heals ! ulc]s ( ! s\l2 ,i on my side w pray = y z be/ ,i c2 y c ?us 9 y\r weakness lean1 s z n to fall1 on t firm & protect+ pill> ( pray] ( :i* ,sa9t ,t]esa speaks4 ,once aga91 a safe j\rney to y2 we %all meet soon aga91 my son1 good-bye4 ,durtal rema9$ mu* di/urb$4 ,x is mo/ tiresome1 he ?\ght1 t ?is prie/ is leav+ ,p>is be=e me1 = inde$ if ,i h ne$ ( spiritual help or c\nsel1 to :om %all ,i g8 ,x is cle>ly writt5 t ,i mu/ end z ,i h begun1 alone1 b 444 b 444 solitude "u ^! conditions is al>m+4 ,i am no spoilt *ild1 :atev] ! abb may say4 ,next morn+ ,durtal awoke ill2 furi\s neuralgia bor$ 8 temples l a gimlet2 he tri$ to /op x ) antipyr9e1 b ?is m$ic9e 9 a l>ge dose put 8 /oma* out ( ord] )\t abat+ ! /rokes ( ! ma*9e :i* p5etrat$ 8 skull4 ,he w&]$ ab\t 8 rooms1 *ang+ f "o seat to ano!r1 coil+ himself up 9 an arm-*air1 gett+ up to lie d[n aga91 jump+ f 8 b$ 9 fits ( sickness1 upsett+ 8 furniture f "t to "t4 ,he c\ld assign no precise cause = ?is attack2 he _h slept 8 fill1 & _h n exce$$ 9 any way ! night be=e4 ,he ?\ght1 ) 8 head 9 8 h&s1 ,!re are /ill two days c\nt+ to-day be=e ,i leave ,p>is1 & v fit ,i am = x6 ,i %all n be 9 a /ate to travel by tra91 & if ,i travel1 ! food at ,la ,trappe w f9i% me4 ,he _h a m9ute's com=t f ! idea t ?r\gh no fault ( 8 own he might p]haps avoid 8 pa9ful duty1 & rema9 at home2 b ! reaction 0 imm$iate2 he und]/ood t if he did n g1 he 0 lo/2 ! vacillation ( 8 s\l _h become *ronic1 ! crisis ( disgu/ ( self1 ! acute regret ( an ef=t cons5t$ to ) pa91 & sudd5ly miss$1 ! c]ta9ty t x w\ld only be po/pon$ = a "t1 t he w\ld h to pass aga9 ?r\gh alt]nations ( revolt & t]ror1 & beg9 aga9 to fight ) himself = conviction4 ,admitt+ t ,i am n 9 a /ate to travel1 ,i h always ! res\rce ( mak+ my confession to ! abb :5 he returns1 & ( communicat+ 9 ,p>is1 he ?\ght1 b he %ook 8 head1 say+ to himself once m t he felt & knew t 0 n 8 duty4 ,b !n1 he said to ,god3 s9ce ,?\ do/ implant ?is idea 9 me s viol5tly t ,i _c ev5 discuss x1 9 spite ( its entire common s5se--= aft] all x is n necess>y to immure myself 9 a ,trappi/ mona/]y 9 ord] to reconcile myself to ,!e--!n let me g6 ,& he spoke to ,god quietly4 ,my s\l is an evil place1 sordid & infam\s2 till n[ x has lov$ only p]v]se ways2 x has exact$ f my wret*$ body ! ti! ( illicit pleasures & unholy joys1 x is wor? little1 x is wor? no?+1 & yet d[n !re ne> ,!e1 if ,?\ wilt succ\r me1 ,i ?9k t ,i %all subdue x1 b if my body be sick1 ,i _c =ce x to obey me2 ?is is worse ?an all1 ,i am dis>m$ if ,?\ d n come to my aid4 ,take c\nt ( ?is1 ,o ,"l2 ,i "k by exp]i5ce t :5 ,i am ill-f$1 ,i h neuralgia2 humanly1 logically speak+1 ,i am c]ta9 to be horribly ill at ,notre ,dame de l',atre2 nev]!less1 if ,i c get ab\t at all1 ! day aft] to-morr[1 ,i w g all ! same4 ,9 default ( love1 ?is is ! sole pro( ,i c give t ,i truly desire ,!e1 t truly ,i hope & believe 9 ,!e1 b !n1 ,o ,"l1 aid me4 ,he add$ sadly1 ,ah6 inde$ ,i am no ,lidw9e or ,ca!r9e ,emm]i*1 :o :5 ,?\ did/ /rike !m cri$ out1 ,m1 m6--,?\ do/ sc>ce t\* me1 & ,i prote/2 b :at w\lde/ ,?\8 ,?\ do/ "k bett] ?an ,i2 physical suff]+ breaks me d[n1 drives me to despair4 ,he w5t to sleep at la/ to kill ! day 9 b$2 slumb]+ to wake aga9 sudd5ly f frightful nightm>es4 ,! next day 8 head seem$ empty & 8 he>t feeble1 b 8 neuralgia 0 less viol5t4 ,he rose1 say+ to himself t he mu/ eat1 ?\gh he 0 n hungry1 = fe> 8 pa9 %\ld return4 ,he w5t out & w&]$ 9 ! ,luxemb\rg1 say+ to himself t he mu/ arrange 8 "t1 t aft] breakfa/ he w\ld visit ,/4 ,sev]91 !n he w\ld g home & pack1 & aft]w>ds f9i% ! day at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires4 ,! walk did him good1 8 head 0 light]1 & 8 he>t free4 ,he w5t into a re/aurant1 :]e because ( ! e>ly h\r no?+ 0 ready2 he sp5t ! "t be=e a newspap]1 on a b5*4 ,h[ (t5 he _h held pap]s ?us )\t read+ !m1 h[ _m ev5+s he _h wait$ 9 cafs ) 8 nose 9 an article1 ?9k+ ( o!r matt]s1 at ^? times especially :5 he 0 /riv+ ) 8 vices2 :5 ,flor5ce appe>$ to him1 /ill keep+ ! cle> smile ( a little girl on h] way to s*ool1 h] eyes ca/ d[n1 h] h&s 9 ! pockets ( h] apron4 ,sudd5ly ! *ild *ang$ into a gh\l :o :irl$ r\nd him wildly1 & made him sil5tly und]/& ! horror ( 8 desires4444 ,all t 0 n[ f> di/ant2 almo/ 9 "o day ! *>m 0 brok51 )\t any real /rife or true ef=t1 )\t inw>d /ruggles2 he _h ab/a9$ f see+ h]1 & n[ :5 %e r\s$ 8 memory aga9 %e 0 no m 9 fact ?an a recollection odi\s & sweet4 ,aft] all1 ?\ght ,durtal1 z he cut up 8 beef/eak1 ,i wond] :at %e ?9ks ( me2 %e mu/ c]ta9ly suppose me dead or lo/2 happily ,i h nev] met h]1 & %e does n "k my address4 ,well1 he w5t on1 !re is no use 9 /irr+ ! mud1 x w be "t to cleanse x :5 ,i am at ,la ,trappe1 & he %udd]$1 = ! idea ( ! confessor aga9 took root 9 him1 & he 0 oblig$ to tell himself = ! tw5tie? "t t ! expect$ nev] happ5s1 & to decl>e t he %\ld f9d "s good fell[ ( a monk :o w\ld li/5 to him2 !n he 0 afraid aga91 putt+ ?+s at _! wor/1 & fancy+ himself turn$ out1 l a mangy dog4 ,he f9i%$ 8 breakfa/1 & w5t to ,/4 ,sev]92 !re ! crisis decl>$ itself1 ! ov]*>g$ s\l gave way1 /ruck d[n by a conge/ion ( sadness4 ,he lay on a *air 9 su* a /ate ( depression t he c\ld ?9k no m1 he rema9$ in]t )\t ! p[] ( suff]+1 till little by little ! s\l1 recov]$ f its torpor1 came to itself 9 a flood ( te>s4 ,^! te>s gave him solace2 he wept ov] 8 lot1 ?\ght himself s unhappy1 s wor?y ( pity1 t he hop$ /ill m = help1 yet he d>e n address himself to ,*ri/1 :om he ?\ght less accessible1 b he spoke 9 l[ tones to ! ,virg91 murmur+ t pray] 9 :i* ,sa9t ,b]n>d rem9ds ! ,"m ( ,*ri/ t nev] 9 human memory 0 x he>d t %e ab&on$ any ( ^? :o s\ght h] aid4 ,he left ,/4 ,sev]91 consol$ & m resolv$1 &1 :5 once at home1 0 tak5 up ) prep>ations = dep>ture4 ,afraid t he w\ld f9d no?+ he want$ d[n !re1 he det]m9$ to /uff 8 portmanteau full2 he cramm$ into ! corn]s sug>1 packets ( *ocolate1 t he might try to deceive if ne$ful ! angui% ( a fa/+ /oma*1 took t[els ?9k+ !re w\ld be few at ,la ,trappe1 prep>$ a /ock ( tobacco & mat*es2 !n besides books1 pap]1 p5cils1 ink1 packets ( antipyr9e1 a phial ( laudanum1 :i* he wrapp$ 9 h&k]*iefs & w$g$ into 8 slipp]s4 ,:5 he _h /rapp$ 8 portmanteau1 he said to himself1 look+ at ! clock3 ,to-morr[ at ?is "t ,i %all be jolt+ 9 a cab1 & my seclusion w be ne> at h&2 nev] m9d1 ,i %all d well1 9 anticipation ( bodily ailm5t1 to ask = ! confessor z soon z ,i get !re1 & suppose t turns out badly1 ,i %all h "t to make arrangem5ts & take ! tra9 back at once4 ,all ! same ?is w n prev5t my hav+ a wret*$ mom5t ?is ev5+ :5 ,i ent] ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 b 8 anxieties & emotions vani%$ :5 ! h\r ( ,b5$iction came4 ,he 0 seiz$ by ! giddy infection ( ! *ur*1 & he wrapp$1 /eep$1 & lo/ himself 9 ! pray] :i* arose f all ^? s\ls1 9 ! *ant :i* w5t up f e m\?1 & :5 ! mon/rance 0 br\ght =w>d to make its sign 9 ! air1 he felt a va/ peace desc5d ^u him4 ,at ev5+ z he undress$ he sigh$3 ,to-morr[ ,i %all lie d[n 9 a cell1 amaz+ :5 ,i ?9k ( x6 ,i %\ld h consid]$ anyone mad1 :o1 a few ye>s ago1 _h prophesi$ t ,i %\ld take refuge 9 a ,trappi/ mona/]y2 yet n[ ,i am go+ !re ( my own accord1 & yet no1 ,i am go+ driv5 by an unkn[n p[]1 ,i am go+ z a :ipp$ cur4 ,aft] all1 :at a symptom ( ! "t x is6 ,society mu/ inde$ be unclean1 if ,god has no long] ! "r to be h>d1 & is r$uc$ to pick up :at ,he f9ds1 & to cont5t ,himself ) ga!r+ to ,himself p l me6 ,,second ,,"p4 ,,*apt] ,i4 ,durtal awoke1 gay & brisk1 a/oni%$ at n he>+ himself groan1 :5 ! mom5t _h come 9 :i* he %\ld set (f = ,la ,trappe2 he 0 wond]fully reassur$4 ,he tri$ to recollect himself1 & to pray1 b he felt 8 ?\ghts m scatt]$ & w&]+ ?an usual2 he rema9$ indiff]5t & unmov$4 ,surpris$ at ?is result1 he tri$ to exam9e himself1 & t\*$ ! void2 he 0 slack t morn+1 9 "o ( ^? sudd5 dispositions 9 :i* a man becomes a *ild aga91 incapable ( att5tion1 9 :i* ! wrong side ( ?+s disappe>s1 & ev]y?+ di/racts4 ,he dress$ ha/ily1 got into a cab1 0 too e>ly at ! /ation2 & !re exp]i5c$ a p]fectly *ildi% attack ( vanity4 ,look+ at ! p :o hurri$ ?r\gh ! wait+ rooms1 ?rong$ ! ticket (fices1 or resign$ly foll[$ _! luggage1 he 0 n f> f admir+ himself4 ,if ^! travell]s :o ?9k only ( _! pleasures or _! bus9ess1 knew :]e ,i am go+1 he ?\ght4 ,!n he reproa*$ himself = ! /upidity ( ^! reflections1 & z soon z he 0 settl$ 9 8 comp>tm5t1 9 :i* he *anc$ to be alone1 he light$ a cig>ette1 say+ to himself1 ,let u pr(it at lea/ by ! "t !re is /ill = smok+1 & he began to w&]1 to dream ab\t ! position ( ! mona/]y1 & rove ab\t ! neighb\rhood ( ,la ,trappe4 ,he rememb]$ t a review _h rec5tly e/imat$ ! numb] ( nuns & monks 9 ,france at two hundr$ ?\s&4 ,two hundr$ ?\s& p]sons1 :o1 9 su* an epo*1 h und]/ood ! wick$ness ( ! /ruggle = life1 ! fil? ( sexual relations1 ! horror ( ly+s-91 ^? are !y :o save ! hon\r ( ! c\ntry1 he ?\ght4 ,!n1 pass+ at a b\nd f cloi/]$ s\ls to ! treatises he _h put 9 8 portmanteau1 he w5t on3 ,x is1 all ! same1 curi\s h[ completely ! temp]am5t ( ,fr5* art rebels aga9/ ,my/icism6 ,all exalt$ writ]s are =eign]s4 ,sa9t ,d5ys ! ,areopagite 0 a ,greek2 ,eckh>t1 ,taul]1 ,suso1 ,si/] ,emm]i*1 7 ,g]mans2 ,ruysbrck came f ,fl&]s2 ,sa9t ,t]esa1 ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 ,sa9t ,m>ie d',agr$a1 7 ,spani>ds2 ,fa!r ,fab] 0 ,engli%2 ,sa9t ,bonav5ture1 ,angela ( ,foligno1 ,magdal5 ( ,pazzi1 ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa1 ,jacopo de ,vorag9e1 7 ,italians4444 ,ah6 he said1 /ruck by ! la/ "n he _h cit$1 ,i ought to h br\ght 8 ,gold5 ,leg5d 9 my bag2 h[ 0 x ,i did n rememb] x1 = t book is1 9 fact1 ! v cr[n+ "w ( ! ,middle ,ages1 ! /imulant = h\rs r5d]$ languid by ! prolong$ uneas9ess ( fa/+1 ! simple aid ( pi\s vigils8 ,= ! mo/ incr$ul\s s\ls ( our "t1 ! ,gold5 ,leg5d at lea/ /ill seems l "o ( ^? pure p>*m5ts1 on :i* simple illum9ators pa9t$ ! faces ( sa9ts ) gum wat]1 or :ite ( egg on gold5 backgr\nds4 ,jacopo de ,vorag9e is ! ,jehan ,f\quet1 ! ,&r ,beaunevue1 ( lit]>y m9iature1 ( my/ic prose6 ,x is q absurd to h =gott5 t book1 = x w\ld h made me pass preci\s days1 l ^? ( old1 9 ,la ,trappe4 ,yes1 x is /range1 he ?\ght1 return+ on 8 ?\ghts1 & com+ back to 8 fir/ idea2 ,france c c\nt religi\s au?ors1 m or less celebrat$1 b v few my/ical writ]s1 prop]ly s-call$1 & x is j ! same also 9 pa9t+4 ,! true ,e>ly ,ma/]s are ,flemi%1 ,g]man or ,italian1 none are ,fr5*1 = our ,burgundian ,s*ool desc5d$ f ! ,flemi%4 ,no1 x _c be d5i$1 ! g5ius ( our race _c easily foll[ & expla9 h[ ,god acts :5 ,he works 9 ! c5tral dep?s ( ! s\l1 :i* is ! ov>y ( ?\ght1 ! v s\rce ( conception2 x is refractory at expla9+1 by ! expressive p[] ( words1 ! cra% or ! sil5ce ( grace2 bur/+ =? 9 ! doma9 :i* is wa/$ by s91 x is inapt at extract+ f t secret _w1 works ( psy*ology l ^? ( ,sa9t ,t]esa & ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 works ( art1 l ^? ( ,vorag9e or ,si/] ,emm]i*4 ,besides t our field is sc>cely arable1 & our soil h>%1 :]e %all we n[ f9d ! lab\r] :o s[s & h>r[s x1 :o prep>es n ev5 a my/ical h>ve/1 b ev5 any spiritual fruit1 capable ( assuag+ ! hung] ( ! few :o /ray & are lo/1 & fall f inanition 9 ! icy des]t ( our "t8 ,he :o %\ld be ! cultivator ( t l&1 ! f>m] ( s\ls1 ! prie/1 has n /r5g? to cle> ! gr\nd4 ,! sem9>y has made him arbitr>y & pu]ile1 life outside has made him lukew>m4 ,!re=e x seems t ,god has )drawn ,himself f him1 & ! pro( ( ?is is t ,he has tak5 away all ability f ! prie/hood4 ,!re are no prie/s n[ :o h tal5t1 ei!r 9 ! pulpit or 9 books2 ! laity h inh]it$ t grace :i* 0 s common 9 ! ,*ur* ( ! ,middle ,ages4 ,ano!r example proves x /ill m1 prie/s make s few conv]sions4 ,9 ^! days ! be+ :o pleases ,heav5 does )\t !m1 ! ,savi\r ,himself /rikes him d[n1 h&les him1 works directly on him4 ,! ignorance ( ! cl]gy1 _! want ( education1 _! un9tellig5ce ( _! surr\nd+s1 _! dislike = ,my/icism1 _! incompreh5sion ( art1 h tak5 away all _! influ5ce on ! ari/ocracy ( s\ls4 ,_! only action is n[ on ! *ildi% bra9s ( bigots & pret5d]s2 & ?is is no d\bt provid5tial2 x is bett] s1 = if ! prie/ became ! ma/]1 if he succe$$ 9 rais+ & vivify+ ! we>isome tribe he manages1 x w\ld be l a wat]sp\t ( cl]ical /upidity beat+ d[n on a c\ntry1 w\ld be ! end ( all lit]ature & all art 9 ,france4 ,to save ! ,*ur* !re rema9s ! monk1 :om ! prie/ dete/s1 = ! life ( ! cloi/] is a con/ant reproa* to 8 own exi/5ce1 cont9u$ ,durtal2 always suppos+ t my illusions are n aga9 de/roy$ :5 ,i see a mona/]y 444 b no1 ,i am lucky2 ,i h discov]$ 9 ,p>is "o ( ^? few abbs :o is nei!r indiff]5t nor a p$ant2 :y %\ld ,i n1 9 an abbey1 come into contact ) au!ntic monks8 ,he light$ a cig>ette1 & look$ at ! l&scape f ! c>riage w9d[2 ! tra9 0 pass+ ?r\gh fields 9 front ( :i* ! telegraph wires danc$ 9 puffs ( /eam2 ! l&scape 0 flat & un9t]e/+4 ,durtal fell back sulkily 9 8 corn]4 ,! arrival at ! conv5t di/urbs me1 he murmur$2 s9ce !re are no useless words to pr(f]1 ,i %all conf9e myself to giv+ 8 lett] to ! ,fa!r ,gue/ma/]2 ah6 & !n all w arrange itself4 ,he felt1 9 fact1 a p]fect calm1 & 0 a/oni%$ at n f9d+ 9 himself any disgu/ or fe>1 at be+ almo/ 9 high spirits3 ,well1 my good prie/ 0 "r 9 decl>+ t ,i 0 creat+ mon/]s 9 advance2 & he ?\ght ( ! ,abb ,gvres91 0 surpris$ t long z he _h visit$ him1 he knew no?+ :atev] ( 8 antec$5ts1 t he 0 no m intimate ) him ?an on ! v fir/ day2 ,9 fact1 x only re/$ ) me to "q him discreetly1 b ! idea nev] ent]$ my head3 x is true t our int]c\rse has be5 /rictly limit$ to matt]s ( religion & art2 ?is p]petual res]ve does n create v ?rill+ fri5d%ips1 b x in/itutes a sort ( ,jans5ism ( ! affections :i* is n )\t *>m4 ,9 any case t ecclesia/ic is a holy man2 he has n ev5 t mann] at once c>ess+ & res]v$ ( o!r prie/s4 ,ap>t f c]ta9 ge/ures1 8 habit ( roll+ 8 arms 9 8 c9cture1 ( wrapp+ 8 h&s 9 8 sleeves1 ( lik+ to walk backw>ds :5 9 conv]sation2 ap>t f 8 innoc5t mania ( int]l>d+ 8 phrases ) ,lat91 he does n recall ei!r ! attitude or ! unfa%ionable spee* ( 8 bre?r54 ,he loves my/icism & pla9 song2 he is exceptional1 & !re=e he mu/ h be5 also c>efully *os5 = me 9 heav54 ,ah well6 we mu/ be gett+ ne>1 he sigh$1 look+ at 8 wat*1 ,i am beg9n+ to feel hungry2 come1 t is all "r1 we %all be at ,sa9t ,l&ry 9 a qu>t] ( an h\r4 ,he /rumm$ on ! w9d[s ( ! c>riage1 saw ! fields & woods fly pa/1 smok$ a cig>ette or two1 took 8 bag f ! rack1 at la/ arriv$ at ! /ation & got out4 ,close to ! t9y /ation he recogniz$ ! inn ( :i* ! abb _h told him4 ,he f\nd a good woman 9 ! kit*5 :o said1 ,all "r1 sir1 sit d[n1 !y w put ! horse to :ile y breakfa/4 ,he f$ himself on uneatable ?+s1 !y br\ght him a calf's head =gott5 9 a tub1 "s cutlets t 7 high1 vegetables black5$ ) gravy f ! /ove4 ,9 8 pres5t mood he 0 amus$ at ?is infam\s meal1 fell back ^u a ?9 w9e :i* rasp$ 8 ?roat1 & resign$ly drank c(fee :i* left a s$im5t ( peat at ! bottom ( ! cup4 ,!n he climb$ into a jolt+ c> driv5 by a "y man1 & ! horse w5t (f at a sm>t pace ?r\gh ! village & into ! c\ntry4 ,on ! way he ask$ ! driv] = "s in=mation ab\t ,la ,trappe1 b ! peasant knew no?+4 ,i (t5 g !re1 he said1 b nev] ent]1 ! c>riage /ays at ! gate1 s y see ,i c tell y no?+4 ,!y w5t = an h\r rapidly ?r\gh ! lanes1 & ! peasant salut$ a roadmak] ) 8 :ip1 & said to ,durtal1 ,!y say t ! em9ets eat _! bellies4 ,& z ,durtal ask$ :at he meant1 ,!y are idle dogs1 !y lie all ! summ] on _! bellies 9 ! %ade4 ,& he said no m4 ,durtal ?\ght ( no?+2 he dige/$ & smok$1 dizzy ) ! rumbl+ ( ! c>riage4 ,at ! end ( ano!r h\r !y came into ! he>t ( ! =e/4 ,are we ne>8 ,oh1 n yet6 ,c we see ,la ,trappe f a di/ance8 ,oh no1 y mu/ h y\r nose j ov] x to see x1 x is q 9 a bottom1 at ! end ( a lane1 l t1 said ! peasant1 po9t+ to a grassy lane into :i* !y turn$4 ,!re is a fell[ com+ f ! place1 he said1 po9t+ out a vagabond1 :o 0 cross+ ! copse at a great pace4 ,& he expla9$ to ,durtal t e begg> _h a "r to food & ev5 to lodg+ at ,la ,trappe2 !y gave !m ! ord9>y f>e ( ! community 9 a room close to ! bro!r port]'s lodge1 b did n let !m into ! conv5t4 ,:5 ,durtal ask$ him ! op9ion :i* ! villag]s r\nd ab\t _h ( ! monks1 ! peasant 0 evid5tly afraid ( compromis+ himself1 = he answ]$1 ,"s say no?+ ab\t !m4 ,durtal began to be r we>y1 :5 sudd5ly z !y turn$ out ( a lane1 he saw an imm5se build+ bel[ him4 ,!re is ,la ,trappe6 said ! peasant1 ga!r+ 8 re9s = ! desc5t4 ,f ! height :]e he 01 ,durtal look$ ov] ! ro(s1 & saw a l>ge g>d51 ) ?ickets1 & 9 front ( !m a =midable crucifix4 ,!n ! vision disappe>$1 ! c>riage aga9 w5t ?r\gh ! wood1 desc5d+ by zig-zag roads :]e ! foliage int]cept$ ! view4 ,!y came at la/1 by long circuits1 to an op5 place1 at ! end ( :i* rose a wall ) a l>ge gate 9 ! middle4 ,! c>riage /opp$4 ,y h only to r+1 said ! peasant1 %[+ ,durtal an iron *a9 along ! wall2 & he add$1 ,%all ,i come = y aga9 to-morr[8 ,no4 ,!n y rema9 "h8 & ! peasant look$ at him ) a/oni%m5t1 turn$ ab\t1 & drove up ! hill4 ,durtal rema9$ z "o cru%$1 8 portmanteau at 8 feet1 be=e ! door2 8 he>t beat viol5tly2 all 8 assurance1 all 8 en?usiasm1 _h vani%$1 & he /amm]$3 ,:at w happ5 to me )98 ,& ) a swift feel+ ( dread1 !re pass$ be=e him ! t]rible life ( ! ,trappi/s2 ! body ill-n\ri%$1 exhau/$ f want ( sleep1 pro/rate = h\rs on ! pavem5t2 ! s\l trembl+1 squeez$ l a sponge 9 ! h&1 drill$1 exam9$1 ransack$ ev5 to its smalle/ folds2 & at ! end ( its failure ( an exi/5ce1 ?r[n l a wreck aga9/ ?is rude rock1 into ! sil5ce ( a prison1 & ! dreadful /illness ( ! tomb6 ,my ,god1 my ,god1 h pity ^u me6 said he1 z he wip$ 8 br[4 ,me*anically he look$ ar\nd1 z if he expect$ "s help2 ! roads 7 des]t$ & ! woods 7 empty2 no s\nd 0 he>d 9 ! c\ntry1 or 9 ! mona/]y4 ,at any rate ,i mu/ make up my m9d to r+2 &1 8 limbs s9k+ "u him1 he pull$ ! *a94 ,! s\nd ( ! bell1 h>d1 ru/y1 grumbl+1 s\nd$ on ! o!r side ( ! wall4 ,get up & don't be a fool1 he said to himself1 z he he>d ! clatt] ( a pair ( sabots beh9d ! door4 ,?is op5$1 & a v old monk1 clad 9 ! br[n clo? ( ! ,capu*9s1 look$ at him inquir+ly4 ,i come to make a retreat1 & ,i wi% to see ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,! monk b[$1 took up ! portmanteau1 & made a sign to ,durtal to foll[ him4 ,he w5t ) b5t head & %ort /eps across an or*>d4 ,!y rea*$ a grat+1 pass$ on ! "r ( ! va/ build+ a sort ( dilapidat$ *ateau1 flank$ by two w+s advanc+ on a c\rt4 ,! bro!r ent]$ ! w+ close to ! grat+4 ,durtal foll[$ him along a corridor into :i* sev]al grey doors op5$2 on "o ( ^! he read ! ^w ,auditorium4 ,! ,trappi/ /opp$ be=e x1 lift$ ! wood5 lat*1 u%]$ ,durtal into ! room1 & aft] "s m9utes he he>d repeat$ calls on ! bell4 ,durtal sat d[n & look$ at ?is gloomy *amb]1 = ! w9d[ 0 half clos$ by %utt]s4 ,!re 0 little furniture2 ! mo/ important a d9+-table ) an old cov]2 9 ! corn]1 a prie-,dieu above :i* 0 nail$ a figure ( ,sa9t ,antony ( ,padua rock+ ! infant ,jesus 9 8 arms2 a l>ge crucifix on ! o!r wall1 & "h & !re 7 plac$ two high-back$ *airs & f\r ord9>y *airs4 ,durtal took f 8 pocket-book ! lett] ( introduction to ! fa!r4 ,:at sort ( reception w he give me8 he ask$ himself2 he at any rate c speak2 well1 we %all soon see1 he said1 z he he>d /eps4 ,a monk 9 :ite ) a black scapul> ^: two ends fell1 "o on 8 %\ld]s1 ! o!r on 8 brea/1 appe>$2 he 0 "y & smil+4 ,he read ! lett]1 !n he took ,durtal's h&1 & l$ him 9 sil5t a/oni%m5t across ! c\rt to ! o!r w+ ( ! build+1 op5$ a door1 dipp$ 8 f+] 9 a holy-wat] /\p1 & (f]$ x to him4 ,!y 7 9 a *apel4 ,! monk invit$ ,durtal by a sign to kneel on a /ep be=e ! alt>1 & he pray$ 9 a l[ voice2 he !n rose1 return$ sl[ly to ! ?re%old1 (f]$ ,durtal holy wat] aga91 /ill )\t op5+ 8 lips1 & lead+ him by ! h& !y w5t ! way !y came to ! ,auditorium4 ,!re1 he inquir$ aft] ! heal? ( ! ,abb ,gvres91 seiz$ ! portmanteau1 & m\nt$ an imm5se /aircase fall+ into ru94 ,at ! top ( ?is /aircase1 :i* _h only "o /ory1 !re ext5d$ a va/ l&+ b\nd$ at ea* ( its extremities by a door4 ,fa!r ,eti5ne ent]$ t on ! "r1 cross$ a broad ve/ibule1 & l$ ,durtal into a room1 :i* a ticket pr9t$ 9 l>ge lett]s plac$ "u ! invocation ( ,/4 ,b5$ict1 & said1 ,i am sorry1 sir1 to be only able to put at y\r disposal ?is room1 :i* is n v com=table4 ,b x w d v well1 said ,durtal1 & ! view is *>m+1 he cont9u$1 approa*+ ! w9d[4 ,at lea/ y w be 9 good air1 said ! monk1 op5+ ! casem5t4 ,bel[ /ret*$ ! or*>d ?r\gh :i* ,durtal _h pass$ "u ! conduct ( ! bro!r port]4 ,an enclosure full ( apple trees /unt$ & clipp$1 silv]$ by li*5s1 & gilt by moss2 !n beyond ! mona/]y1 & above ! walls1 rose fields ( clov] int]sect$ by a great :ite road1 ext5d+ to ! horizon1 :i* 0 not*$ by ! foliage ( trees4 ,y w see1 sir1 ,fa!r ,eti5ne w5t on1 if y ne$ any?+ 9 ?is cell1 & tell me q simply1 w y n8 = o!rwise we %\ld heap up regret = bo? ( u1 = y :o h only to ask = :at might be useful to y1 = me :o %\ld only discov] x lat] & be sorry = my =getfulness4 ,durtal look$ at him reassur$ by ?is frank greet+2 he 0 a "y prie/1 ab\t ?irty ye>s old4 ,8 face bright1 & f9ely cut1 0 /reak$ ) r$ fibres on ! *eeks2 ?is monk wore a be>d1 & r\nd 8 %av5 head 0 a cr[n ( br[n hair4 ,he spoke some:at rapidly1 & smil$1 ) 8 h&s pu%$ into ! l>ge lea!rn belt r\nd 8 wai/4 ,i w come back directly1 = ,i h "s important "w to f9i%1 he said2 try to make y\rself at home z mu* z possible1 & if y h "t glance ov] ! rule :i* y h to foll[ 9 ?is mona/]y--x is writt5 on "o ( ^! c>ds on ! table2 we w talk ab\t x aft] y h ma/]$ x1 if y l4 ,& he left ,durtal alone4 ,he soon made an inv5tory ( ! room2 x 0 v high & extremely n>r[ l a gun-b>rel1 ! door 0 at "o end1 ! w9d[ at ! o!r4 ,at ! bottom1 9 a corn]1 ne> ! casem5t1 0 a little iron b$1 & a small r\nd table 9 *e/nut wood4 ,at ! foot ( ! b$ :i* /ood along ! wall 0 a prie-,dieu 9 fad$ rep1 ^u :i* 0 a crucifix1 & a bran* ( dri$ fir bel[ x2 on ! same side 0 a table ( :ite wood cov]$ ) a t[el1 on :i* 7 plac$ an ew]1 a bas91 & a glass4 ,on ! opposite wall 0 a w>drobe1 & by ! fireplace1 on ! mantelpiece ( :i* a crucifix 0 plac$1 0 a table opposite ! b$ ne> ! w9d[2 ?ree /raw *airs complet$ ! furniture ( ?is room4 ,i %all nev] h wat] en\gh to wa% 91 ?\ght ,durtal1 gaug+ ! m9iature jug1 :i* held ab\t a p9t2 s9ce ,fa!r ,eti5ne %[s himself s oblig+1 ,i mu/ ask him = a l>g] ration4 ,he unpack$ 8 portmanteau1 undress$1 put on flannel in/ead ( 8 />*$ %irt1 arrang$ 8 toilet ?+s on ! wa%+-/&1 fold$ 8 l95 9 ! w>drobe2 !n sat d[n1 look$ ar\nd ! cell1 & ?\ght x suffici5tly com=table1 & above all v clean4 ,he !n w5t t[>ds ! table on :i* 7 laid a ream ( rul$ pap]1 an ink/&1 & "s p5s2 he 0 grateful = ?is att5tion ( ! monk1 :o knew no d\bt by ! ,abb ,gvres9's lett] t 8 bus9ess 0 writ+1 op5$ two volumes b\nd 9 lea!r & %ut !m aga94 ,! "o 0 ,! ,introduction to ! ,dev\t ,life1 by ,sa9t ,francis de ,sales1 ! o!r 0 ,manresa1 or ,! ,spiritual ,ex]cises ( ,sa9t ,ignatius ( ,loyola1 & he arrang$ 8 own books on ! table4 ,!n he took up1 j z x came1 "o ( ! c>ds spread on ! table & read3-- ,ex]cises ( ! ,community = ord9>y days--f ,ea/] to ! ,inv5tion ( ! ,cross 9 ,septemb]4 ,rise4 #b4 ,prime & ,mass4 #e4ae4 ,"w aft] ! ,*apt]4 ,end ( "w & leisure "t4 #i4 ,sext4 #aa4 ,angelus & ,d9n]4 #aa4cj4 ,sie/a aft] ,d9n]4 ,end ( ,sie/a4 #a4cj4 ,none & "w1 five m9utes aft] wak+4 ,end ( "w & leisure4 #d4cj4 ,vesp]s foll[$ by pray]4 #e4ae4 ,supp] & leisure4 #f4 ,compl9e4 #g4be4 ,retire to re/4 #h4 ,he turn$ ! c>d1 & on ! o!r side 0 a new hor>y1 entitl$3-- ,w9t] ,ex]cises1 f ! ,inv5tion ( ! ,cross 9 ,septemb] to ,ea/]4 ,! h\r ( ris+ 0 ! same1 b b$-"t 0 an h\r e>li]2 d9n] 0 *ang$ f #aa4cj to #b2 sie/a & supp] at #f o'clock 7 suppress$2 ! canonical h\rs 7 ! same1 except vesp]s & compl9e1 :i* 7 *ang$ f #e4ae & #g4be to #d4cj & #f4ae4 ,x is n pleasant to drag oneself f b$ 9 ! middle ( ! night1 sigh$ ,durtal1 b ,i am incl9$ to ?9k t ! ,retreatants are n subject to ?is rule ( wakefulness1 & he took up ano!r c>d4 ,?is mu/ be ! "o int5d$ = me1 he said1 read+ ! head ( ! c>d3-- ,rules ( ,retreat f ,ea/] to ! ,inv5tion ( ! ,cross 9 ,septemb]4 ,let u look at ^! rules r m closely4 ,he exam9$ ! two tables1 br\ght toge!r1 "o = ! morn+1 & "o = ! ev5+4 ,,morn+4 #d4 ,rise at ! ,angelus bell4 #d4cj4 ,pray] & ,m$itation4 #e4ae4 ,prime & ,mass4 #f-g4 ,exam9ation ( ,consci5ce4 #g4 ,breakfa/4 #g4cj4 ,way ( ! ,cross4 #h4 ,sext & ,none4 #h4cj4 ,second ,m$itation4 #i4 ,spiritual ,read+4 #aa4 ,adoration & ,exam9ation4 ,ti]ce4 #aa4cj4 ,angelus4 ,d9n]4 ,recreation4 #ab4ae4 ,sie/a4 ,absolute ,sil5ce4 ,,ev5+4 #a4cj4 ,end ( ,sie/a4 ,ros>y4 #b4 ,vesp]s & ,compl9e4 #c4 ,?ird ,m$itation4 #c4ae4 ,spiritual ,read+4 #d4ae4 ,mat9s & ,lauds4 #e4ae4 ,reflections4 ,*oir ,vesp]s4 #e4cj4 ,exam9ation & ,pray]4 #f4 ,supp] & ,recreation4 #g4 ,litanies4 ,absolute ,sil5ce4 #g4ae4 ,assi/ at ,compl9e4 #g4cj4 ,salve ,reg9a4 ,angelus4 #g4de4 ,private ,exam9ation4 ,retire to re/4 ,?is at any rate is m practical--f\r o'clock 9 ! morn+ is an almo/ possible h\r1 b ,i d n und]/& x1 ! canonical h\rs on ?is tablet d n agree ) ^? ( ! monks1 & !n :y ^! d\ble ,vesp]s & ,compl9e8 ,la/ly1 ^! little po9ts 9 :i* y are invit$ to m$itate s _m m9utes1 to read s _m m1 sc>cely suit me4 ,my m9d is sc>cely malleable en\gh to run 9 ^? *annels--x is true t aft] all ,i am free to d z ,i please1 = no "o c v]ify :at tricks ,i may play1 c "k1 = in/ance1 if ,i m$itate4444 ,ah1 "h is aga9 a regulation at ! back1 he w5t on1 z he turn$ ! c>d1 ! regulation = ,septemb]1 ,i ne$ n tr\ble myself ab\t x1 x diff]s1 moreov]1 little f ! o!r2 b "h is a po/script :i* conc]ns bo? hor>ies4 ,,note4 #a4 ,^? :o are n b\nd to say ! ,brevi>y w say ! ,little ,(fice ( ! ,bless$ ,virg94 #b4 ,! ,retreatants are reque/$ to make _! ,confessions at an e>ly date1 9 ord] to h _! m9d m free = m$itation4 #c4 ,aft] ea* m$itation an analog\s *apt] ( ! ,imitation mu/ be read4 #d4 ,! be/ "t = confessions & ! ,way ( ! ,cross is f #f-i 9 ! morn+1 #b-e 9 ! aft]noon1 & 9 summ] f #i 9 ! morn+ till #e 9 ! aft]noon4 #e4 ,to read ! table ( notices4 #f4 ,x is well to be punctual at meals to keep no "o wait+4 #g4 ,! ,fa!r ,gue/ma/] alone is *>g$ ) provid+ = ! wants ( gue/s4 #h4 ,gue/s may ask = books = ! retreat1 if !y h none !mselves4 ,confession6 ,he saw ?is ^w only 9 ! :ole s]ies ( rules4 ,he mu/ at once h rec\rse to x4 ,he felt a cold %iv] d[n 8 back2 & knew t he mu/ speak to ,fa!r ,eti5ne ab\t x z soon z he return$4 ,he _h n long to wre/le ) himself1 = ! monk ent]$ almo/ at once & said1 ,h y notic$ any?+ y ne$1 & ! pres5ce ( :i* may be useful to y8 ,no1 ,fa!r2 yet if y c\ld let me h a little m wat]4 ,no?+ is easi]2 ,i w s5d y up a l>ge pit*] e morn+4 ,?ank y 444 see1 ,i h be5 /udy+ ! rules4 ,i w at once put y at ease1 said ! monk4 ,y are compell$ to no?+ b ! /ricte/ punctuality4 ,y mu/ foll[ ! canonical (fices to ! lett]4 ,z to ! ex]cises m>k$ on ! c>d1 !y are n ( obligation2 !y may be useful1 z !y are laid d[n1 = p :o are v "y & devoid ( all initiative1 b1 z ,i ?9k at lea/1 !y some:at hamp] o!rs1 & z a g5]al rule we d n tr\ble ! retreatants "h1 we let solitude act on !m2 x belongs to y\rself to discrim9ate & di/+ui% ! be/ mode ( occupy+ y\r "t holily4 ,!re=e ,i w n impose on y any ( ! read+ laid d[n on ?is c>d1 & only take leave to get y to say ! ,little ,(fice ( ! ,bless$ ,virg94 ,h y x8 ,"h x is1 said ,durtal1 hold+ out a b\nd book4 ,y\r volume is *>m+1 said ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 z he turn$ ov] ! pages exquisitely pr9t$ 9 r$ & black4 ,he paus$ at "o ( !m1 & read al\d ! ?ird lesson ( ,mat9s4 ,is x n f9e8 he cri$4 ,a sudd5 joy sprang up 9 8 face2 8 eyes grew bright1 8 h&s trembl$ on ! cov]4 ,yes1 he said1 clos+ x1 read ?is (fice1 "h especially1 = y "k our true patroness1 ! true ,abbot ( ! ,trappi/s1 is ! ,bless$ ,virg96 ,aft] a sil5ce he cont9u$3 ,i h fix$ a week z ! duration ( y\r retreat1 9 ! lett] ,i s5t to ! ,abb ,gvres91 b ,i ne$ n say t if y are n too we>y "h1 y c /ay z long z seems good to y4 ,i hope to be able to prolong my /ay among y1 b ?is mu/ dep5d ^u ! way 9 :i* my body /&s ! /ruggle2 my /oma* is some:at weak1 & ,i am n )\t "s fe>2 ,i %all1 !re=e1 be mu* oblig$ to y if y w let me see ! confessor z soon z possible4 ,good2 y %all see him to-morr[4 ,i w tell y ! "t ?is ev5+1 aft] compl9e4 ,z = ! food1 if y ?9k x insuffici5t1 ,i w see t y h an extra egg1 b !re ceases ! discretion ,i c ex]cise1 = ! rule is precise1 no fi%1 no fle%--vegetables1 & ,i am b\nd to admit !y are n fir/ rate4 ,b y %all judge1 &1 inde$1 z x is j ^u supp]-"t1 ,i w %[ y ! room :]e y w d9e 9 company ) ,m4 ,bruno4 ,& z !y desc5d$ ! /aircase1 ! monk w5t on3 ,m4 ,bruno is a p]son :o has r5\nc$ ! _w1 &1 )\t hav+ tak5 ! v[s1 lives enclos$4 ,he is :at our rule calls an oblate1 he is a holy & le>n$ man1 :om y w c]ta9ly l2 y c talk ) him dur+ ! meal4 ,ah6 said ,durtal1 & be=e & aft] ,i mu/ keep sil5ce8 ,yes1 unless y h any?+ to ask1 9 :i* case ,i %all be always at y\r s]vice1 ready to answ] y4 ,z = t "q ( sil5ce1 z = ^? ( ! h\rs ( ris+ & go+ to b$1 & ! (fices1 ! rule all[s no modification1 x mu/ be obs]v$ to ! lett]4 ,good1 said ,durtal1 a little tak5 aback by ! decid$ tone ( ! ,fa!r1 b ,i saw on my c>d a note direct+ me to consult a table ( regulations1 & ,i h n t table4 ,x hangs on ! wall ( ! /aircase1 ne> y\r room2 y c read x :5 y\r head is re/$ to-morr[4 ,w y g 98 he said1 op5+ a door 9 ! l[] corridor1 j opposite t ( ! auditorium4 ,durtal b[$ to an old g5tleman :o came to meet him2 ! monk introduc$ !m & vani%$4 ,! di%es 7 on ! table1 two poa*$ eggs1 a b[l ( rice1 ano!r ( ,fr5* beans1 & a pot ( honey4 ,m4 ,bruno said grace1 & proce$$ to help ,durtal4 ,he gave him an egg4 ,?is is a poor supp] = a ,p>isian1 he said1 ) a smile4 ,ah1 z long z !re is an egg & w9e x is be>able4 ,i 0 afraid1 ,i confess1 t my only dr9k w\ld be cold wat]4 ,!y talk$ z fri5ds4 ,! man 0 pleasant1 & di/+ui%$1 ) ascetic features1 b ) a bright smile1 light+ up a grave face1 yell[ & wr9kl$4 ,he l5t himself ) p]fect good grace to ,durtal's inquiries1 & told him1 t aft] a tempe/u\s life1 he felt t ,grace _h t\*$ him1 & he _h retir$ f ! _w to expiate by ye>s ( au/]ities & sil5ce 8 own s9s & ^? ( o!rs4 ,& y h nev] gr[n tir$ ( be+ "h8 ,nev]1 dur+ ! five ye>s t ,i h sp5t 9 ?is cloi/]1 "t1 cut up z x is at ,la ,trappe1 seems %ort4 ,y are pres5t at all ! ex]cises ( ! ,community8 ,yes2 ,i only replace manual lab\r by m$itation 9 my cell2 my position z oblate1 h[ev]1 disp5ses me1 if ,i s wi%1 f gett+ up at two o'clock to foll[ ! night (fice1 b x is a great joy to me to recite ! magnific5t ,b5$ict9e ,psalt] be=e daybreak--b y are li/5+ to me1 & eat no?+4 ,let me give y a little m rice4 ,no1 ?ank y1 b ,i w take1 if y w all[ me1 a spoonful ( honey4 ,! food is n bad1 he said1 b ,i d n q und]/& ! same /range & id5tical ta/e 9 all ! di%es2 x smells1 h[ %all ,i express x8 l burnt fat or suet4 ,t is ! w>m oil ) :i* ! vegetables are dress$1 y w soon gr[ accu/om$ to x1 9 a c\ple ( days y w cease to notice x4 ,b 9 :at consi/s1 precisely1 ! "p ( an oblate8 ,8 life is less au/]e1 & m contemplative ?an t ( a monk2 he may travel if he w1 & ?\gh he is n b\nd by v[s1 he %>es 9 all ! spiritual advantages ( ! ord]4 ,9 old times ! rule admitt$ ^? :om x /yl$ 'famili>s4' ,^? 7 oblates :o receiv$ ! tonsure1 wore a di/9ct co/ume1 & pron\nc$ ! ?ree great] v[s2 !y l$ 9 fact a mitigat$ life1 half layman1 half monk4 ,?is rule1 :i* /ill exi/s among ! true ,b5$ict9es1 has disappe>$ among ! ,trappi/s s9ce ! ye> #abic1 ! date at :i* x 0 suppress$ by ! ,*apt] ,g5]al4 ,at ! pres5t "t1 9 ! ,ci/]cian abbeys are only ! fa!rs1 ! lay bro!rs1 ! oblates1 :5 !re are any1 & ! peasants employ$ 9 field lab\r4 ,! lay bro!rs1 ,i suppose1 are ^? ^: heads are completely %av51 & :o are clo!d 9 a br[n habit1 l ! monk :o op5$ ! door to me8 ,yes2 !y d n s+ (fice1 & h only manual tasks4 ,by ! way1 ! rule = retreat :i* ,i read 9 my room does n seem cle>4 ,z f> z ,i recall x1 x d\bles c]ta9 (fices1 places ,mat9s at f\r 9 ! aft]noon1 & ,vesp]s at two2 9 any case ! hor>y is n ! same z t ( ! ,trappi/s2 h[ am ,i to und]/& & reconcile !m8 ,y h only to take into consid]ation ! ex]cises set out on y\r c>d2 ,fa!r ,eti5ne mu/1 ,i ?9k1 h said s2 t m\ld 0 only made = p :o _c occupy & guide !mselves4 ,t expla9s to y h[1 to prev5t !m f becom+ idle1 ! prie/s' brevi>y has be5 9 "s degree tak5 to pieces1 & _! "t has be5 di/ribut$ 9 small slices1 s t1 = in/ance1 !y may be oblig$ to recite ! psalms = ,mat9s at h\rs :5 !re is no psalm4 ,d9n] 0 ov]2 ,m4 ,bruno said grace1 & said to ,durtal1 ,y h tw5ty m9utes free f n[ to ,compl9e2 y c make acqua9tance ) ! g>d5 & woods4 ,he b[$ politely & w5t out4 ,i c smoke a cig>ette1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :5 he 0 alone4 ,he took 8 hat & left ! room4 ,night 0 com+ on4 ,he pass$ ?r\gh ! great c\rt1 skirt$ a small build+ surm\nt$ by a long *imney-/ack1 discov]$ by ! smell t x 0 a *ocolate factory1 & ent]$ an av5ue ( trees4 ,! sky 0 s obscure t he c\ld sc>cely see ! gr\p ( trees he ent]$1 & n see+ anyone he roll$ 8 cig>ettes1 & smok$ !m sl[ly1 ) enjoym5t1 consult+ 8 wat* f "t to "t by 8 cig> lights4 ,he 0 a/oni%$ at ! sil5ce ( ! mona/]y2 n a s\nd1 h[ev] hu%$1 h[ev] di/ant1 save n[ & !n a g5tle ru/le ( b\ghs2 he w5t to ! side :5ce ! noise came1 & saw a piece ( wat]1 on :i* a swan 0 sail+1 :i* came t[>ds him4 ,he saw its :ite plumage oscillate aga9/ ! d>kness :i* x displac$ ) a spla%1 :5 a bell s\nd$ ) sl[ /rokes2 ,ah1 said he1 look+ aga9 at 8 wat*1 t is ! h\r ( ,compl9e4 ,he w5t to ! *apel1 :i* 0 /ill empty2 & he took occasion ( ! solitude to exam9e x at 8 ease4 ,x 0 9 ! =m ( a truncat$ cross1 a cross )\t a foot1 r\nd$ at ! summit1 hold+ out two squ>e arms1 ) a door at ei!r end4 ,! upp] "p ( ! cross1 bel[ a cupola pa9t$ blue1 =m$ a little circul> apse1 r\nd :i* 0 a circle ( /alls plac$ back aga9/ ! wall2 9 ! middle rose a great alt> ( :ite m>ble1 surm\nt$ by wood5 *&eli]s1 flank$ on ! left & "r by c&elabra also ( wood1 plac$ on m>ble %afts4 ,! l[] "p ( ! alt> 0 holl[1 & clos$ 9 front by a glass1 beh9d :i* appe>$ a %r9e 9 ,go?ic /yle1 :i* reflect$ 9 its copp] gilt mirror ! light ( ! lamps4 ,! apse op5$ into a l>ge por*1 ) ?ree /eps 9 front1 on ! arms ( ! cross1 :i* 7 prolong$ into a k9d ( ve/ibule s]v+ at once z nave & side aisles to ?is /umpy *ur*4 ,! holl[$ arms1 at _! extremities ne> ! doors1 held two v small *apels set back 9 ni*es pa9t$ blue1 l ! cupola1 conta9+ above two /one alt>s )\t ornam5t1 two m$iocre /atues1 "o ( ,sa9t ,joseph1 ! o!r ( ,*ri/4 ,la/ly1 a f\r? alt>1 d$icat$ to ! ,virg91 0 situat$ 9 ?is ve/ibule opposite ! /eps lead+ to ! apse1 opposite !re=e to ! high alt>4 ,x 0 reliev$ aga9/ a w9d[ ^: lights repres5t$ ,sa9t ,b]n>d 9 :ite on "o h&1 & ,sa9t ,b5$ict 9 black on ! o!r1 & x appe>$ to rec$e into ! *ur*1 because ( ! two ranges ( seats :i* /ood on ! left & "r be=e ! two o!r little *apels1 leav+ only room necess>y to pass along ! ve/ibule1 or to g 9 a /raight l9e f ?is alt> ( ! ,virg9 9 ! apse1 to ! high alt>4 ,?is sanctu>y is al>m+ly ugly1 said ,durtal1 :o _h sat d[n on a b5* 9 front ( ! /atue ( ,sa9t ,joseph4 ,to judge by ! few subjects c>v$ along ! walls1 ?is edifice dates f ! "t ( ,l\is ,,xvi41 an abom9able date = a *ur*4 ,he 0 di/urb$ 9 ^! ?\ghts by ! s\nd ( bells1 & at ! same "t all ! doors 7 op5$2 "o situat$ 9 ! apse itself1 on ! left ( ! alt>1 gave passage to ab\t half a score monks1 wrapp$ 9 great :ite c[ls1 :o spread out into ! *oir1 & occupi$ ! /alls on ei!r side4 ,!n1 by ! two doors ( ! ve/ibule1 came a cr[d ( br[n monks1 :o knelt at ! b5*es on ! two sides ( ,our ,lady's alt>4 ,durtal _h "s ( !m ne> him2 b !y b[$ _! heads1 & jo9$ _! h&s1 he d>$ n obs]ve !m2 moreov]1 ! ve/ibule _h become almo/ d>k1 ! light 0 conc5trat$ 9 ! *oir1 :]e ! lamps 7 k9dl$4 ,he c\ld make out ! faces ( ! :ite monks 9 _! /alls 9 ! "p ( ! apse he c\ld see1 & among !m he recogniz$ ,fa!r ,eti5ne on 8 knees ne> a %ort monk2 b ano!r at ! end ( ! /alls ne> ! por*1 almo/ opposite ! alt>1 & 9 full light1 attract$ him4 ,he 0 tall & /rong1 & look$ l an ,arab 9 8 :ite burn\s4 ,durtal c\ld only see him 9 pr(ile1 & he di/+ui%$ a long grey be>d1 a %av5 skull1 surr\nd$ by ! mona/ic cr[n1 a high =ehead1 & a nose l an eagle's beak4 ,he _h a gr& appe>ance1 ) 8 imp]i\s features1 & 8 f9e figure z x sway$ "u ! c[l4 ,t is probably ! abbot ( ,la ,trappe1 ?\ght ,durtal1 & he felt c]ta9 :5 ?is monk /ruck a little bell hidd5 "u ! desk be=e him1 & direct$ ! (fice4 ,all ! monks b[$ to ! alt>2 ! abbot recit$ ! op5+ pray]s1 !n !re 0 a pause1 &1 f ! o!r side ( ! apse1 :i* ,durtal c\ld n see1 rose ! frail voice ( an old man1 a voice :i* _h return$ to ! cle> tones ( *ildhood1 b 0 j a little crack$1 gr[+ high] z x declaim$ ! antiphon1 ,deus 9 adjutorium meum int5de4 ,& ! o!r side ( ! *oir1 t on :i* 7 ,fa!r ,eti5ne & ! abbot1 answ]$1 scann+ ! syllables v sl[ly1 ) voices ( bass pit*1-- ,dom9e ad adjuv&um me fe/9a4 ,& all b[$ _! heads ov] ! folios plac$ be=e !m1 & took up ! words1-- ,gloria ,patri et ,filio et ,spiritui ,sancto4 ,& !y lift$ _! heads :ile ! o!r "p ( ! ,fa!rs pron\nc$ ! response1 ,sicut erat 9 pr9cipio1 etc4 ,! (fice began4 ,x 0 n *ant$ b declaim$1 n[ rapid & n[ sl[4 ,! side ( ! *oir :i* ,durtal saw made all ! v[els %>p & %ort lett]s2 ! o!r1 on ! contr>y1 alt]$ !m all into long lett]s & seem$ to cap all ! ,os ) a circumflex acc5t4 ,x might be said t "o side _h ! pronunciation ( ! ,s\?1 ! o!r t ( ! ,nor?2 ?us *ant$1 ! (fice became /range1 & end$ by rock+ l an incantation1 & soo?+ ! s\l :i* fell asleep 9 ! roll+ ( ! v]ses1 int]rupt$ by ! recurr5t doxology l a refra9 aft] ! la/ v]se ( ea* ( ! psalms4 ,ah well1 ,i _c und]/& x1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :o _h 8 ,compl9e at 8 f+]s' ends1 !y are n s++ ! ,roman (fice at all4 ,! fact is t "o ( ! psalms 0 want+4 ,he caught inde$1 at "o mom5t1 ! hymn ( ,sa9t ,ambrose1 ! ,te lucis ante t]m9um1 sung to a simple & rugg$ tune ( ! old pla9 *ant1 & yet ! la/ /anza 0 n ! same2 b he lo/ himself afre%1 & wait$ = ! ,%ort ,lessons & ! ,nunc ,dimittis :i* nev] came4 ,yet ,compl9e does n v>y l ,vesp]s1 he ?\ght1 ,i mu/ ask ,fa!r ,eti5ne ! mean+ ( ?is to-morr[4 ,!n 8 reflections 7 di/urb$ by a "y :ite monk1 :o pass$ him1 g5uflect$ to ! alt>1 & light$ two tap]s4 ,sudd5ly all rose1 & ) a great %\t1 ! ,salve ,reg9a %ook ! ar*es4 ,durtal 0 affect$ z he li/5$ to ?is admirable *ant1 :i* _h no?+ 9 common ) t :i* is bell[$ at ,p>is 9 ! *ur*es4 ,?is 0 at once flexible & ard5t1 su/a9$ by su* suppliant adoration1 t x seem$ to conc5trate 9 itself alone1 ! immemorial hope ( humanity1 & its et]nal lam5tation4 ,*ant$ )\t accompanim5t1 unsu/a9$ by ! organ1 by voices indiff]5t to !mselves & bl5d+ 9 "o only1 mascul9e & deep1 x rose ) quiet boldness1 sprang up ) irresi/ible flight t[>ds ,our ,lady1 !n made1 z x 71 a return ^u itself1 & its confid5ce 0 less5$2 x advanc$ m trembl+ly1 b s diff]5t1 s humble1 t x felt itself =giv51 & d>$ !n 9 passionate appeals to dem& ! undes]v$ pleasures ( heav54 ,x 0 ! absolute triumph ( ! neumes1 ^? repetitions ( notes on ! same syllable1 ! same ^w1 :i* ! ,*ur* inv5t$ to pa9t ! excess ( t int]ior joy or sorr[ :i* words _c r5d]2 x 0 a ru%1 a go+ =? ( ! s\l1 escap+ 9 ! passionate voices1 brea!d =? by ! bodies ( ! monks z !y /ood & trembl$4 ,durtal foll[$ 9 8 pray]-book ?is "w ) s %ort a text1 s long a *ant2 & z he li/5$ to1 & read x ) recollection1 ?is magnific5t pray] seem$ to decompose z a :ole1 & to repres5t ?ree diff]5t /ates ( ! s\l1 to exhibit ! triple phase ( humanity1 dur+ its y\?1 its maturity1 & its decl9e2 x 01 9 a ^w1 an ess5tial summ>y ( pray] = all ages4 ,fir/1 !re 0 ! canticle ( exultation1 ! joy\s welcome ( a be+ yet little1 /amm]+ =? respectful c>esses1 pett+ ) g5tle words1 & fondness ( a *ild :o seeks to coax 8 "m--?is is ! ,salve ,reg9a1 ,mat] mis]icordi1 vita1 dulc$o et spes no/ra1 salve4 ,!n ! s\l s c&id1 s simply happy1 has gr[n1 & kn[+ ! wilful fail+s ( ?\ght1 ! repeat$ loss ?r\gh s91 jo9s h] h&s1 & asks1 sobb+1 = help4 ,%e adores no long] ) a smile1 b ) te>s2 x is ,ad te clamamus1 exsules filii ,hevae2 ad te suspiramus1 gem5tes et fl5tes 9 hac la*rym>um valle4 ,at la/ old age comes2 ! s\l lies1 torm5t$ by ! memory ( c\nsels neglect$1 by regret = lo/ graces2 & hav+ become weak]1 & m full ( fe>s1 is al>m$ be=e h] deliv]ance1 be=e ! de/ruction ( t prison ( ! fle% :i* %e feels at h&1 & !n %e ?9ks ( ! et]nal dea? ( ^? :om ! ,judge condemns4 ,on h] knees %e implores ! ,advocatress ( e>?1 ! ,consultrix ( heav52 x is ! ,eia ergo ,advocata no/ra2 illos tuos mis]icordes oculos ad nos conv]te2 et ,jesum1 b5$ictum fructum v5tris tui1 nobis po/ hoc exilium o/5de4 ,& to t ess5ce ( pray] compos$ by ,pet] ( ,compo/ella or ,h]mann ,contract1 ,sa9t ,b]n>d1 9 an excess ( hyp]dulia1 add$ ! ?ree invocations at ! end1 ,o clem5s1 ,o pia1 ,o dulcis ,virgo ,m>ia1 seal+ ! inimitable prose ) a triple seal1 by ^? ?ree cries ( love :i* recall ! hymn to ! affectionate adoration ( its beg9n+4 ,?is is unprec$5t$1 ?\ght ,durtal1 z ! ,trappi/s *ant$ ^! sweet & eag] appeals2 ! neumes 7 prolong$ on ! ,os1 :i* pass$ ?r\gh all ! col\rs ( ! s\l1 ?r\gh ! :ole regi/] ( s\nd2 & ^! int]jections summ$ up aga91 9 ! s]ies ( notes :i* clo!d !m1 ! inv5tory ( ! human s\l1 :i* n[ recapitulat$ ! :ole body ( ! hymn4 ,& sudd5ly at ! ^w ,m>ia1 at ! glori\s cry ( t "n1 ! *ant fell1 ! tap]s 7 ext+ui%$1 ! monks fell on _! knees1 a sil5ce l dea? came ^u ! *apel4 ,! bells rang sl[ly1 & ! ,angelus unfold$ "u ! ar*es ! sep>at$ petals ( its cle> s\nds4 ,all1 n[ pro/rate1 _! faces buri$ 9 _! h&s1 7 pray+1 & ?is la/$ long2 !n ! s\nd ( ! little h&-bell 0 he>d1 ev]yone rose1 g5uflect$ to ! alt>1 & 9 sil5t file ! monks disappe>$ ?r\gh ! door 9 ! apse4 ,ah6 ! true creator ( pla9 music1 ! unkn[n au?or :o ca/ into ! bra9 ( man ! se$ ( pla9 *ant1 0 ! ,holy ,gho/1 said ,durtal1 sick & dazzl$1 ) te>s 9 8 eyes4 ,m4 ,bruno1 :om he _h n notic$ 9 ! *apel1 came & jo9$ him4 ,!y cross$ ! c\rt )\t speak+1 & :5 !y _h ent]$ ! gue/-h\se1 ,m4 ,bruno light$ two c&les1 gave "o to ,durtal1 & said gravely1 ,i wi% y a good night1 sir4 ,durtal w5t up ! /aircase beh9d him4 ,!y b[$ aga9 on ! l&+1 & ,durtal ent]$ 8 cell4 ,! w9d blew "u ! door1 & ! room1 sc>cely light$ by ! l[ flame ( ! c&le1 seem$ to him gloomy1 ! high ceil+ vani%$ 9 %ad[1 & ra9$ d[n d>kness4 ,durtal sat d[n by 8 b$1 disc\rag$4 ,& yet he 0 ?ru/ =w>d by "o ( ^? impulses x is impossible to translate into words1 9 :i* x seems t ! he>t swells almo/ to bur/+1 & be=e 8 inability to get away & fly f self1 ,durtal end$ by becom+ a *ild aga91 by weep+ )\t def9ite cause1 simply f ! ne$ ( reliev+ himself by te>s4 ,he sank d[n at ! prie-,dieu1 expect+ he knew n :at1 :i* nev] came2 !n be=e ! crucifix :i* /ret*$ its arms above him1 he began to speak to ,him1 & to say to ,him 9 l[ tones3 ,fa!r1 ,i h driv5 ! sw9e f my be+1 b !y h trampl$ on me1 & cov]$ me ) mire1 & ! v /ye is 9 ru9s4 ,h pity on me1 = ,i return f a di/ant l&4 ,h m]cy1 ,o ,"l1 on ! sw9e-h]d )\t a h\se4 ,i h ent]$ into ,?y h\se2 d n s5d me away1 be to me a k9dly ho/1 wa% me4 ,ah1 he said sudd5ly1 t rem9ds me t ,i h n se5 ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 :o 0 to tell me ! h\r at :i* ! confessor w\ld receive me to-morr[2 he has no d\bt =gott5 to ask him2 s mu* ! bett]4 ,at any rate x w put x (f = a day2 my s\l is s cramp$ t ,i h inde$ ne$ ( re/4 ,he undress$1 sigh+3 ,i mu/ be up at half-pa/ ?ree to be 9 ! *apel at f\r3 ,i h no "t to lose if ,i wi% to sleep4 ,if only ,i h no neuralgia to-morr[1 & c wake be=e dawn6 ,,*apt] ,,ii4 ,he pass$ a mo/ t]rible night2 x 0 s special1 s dreadful1 t he did n rememb]1 9 ! :ole ( 8 exi/5ce1 to h endur$ su* angui%1 und]gone ! l fe>s4 ,x 0 an un9t]rupt$ succession ( sudd5 wak+s & ( nightm>es4 ,& ^! nightm>es ov]pass$ ! limits ( abom9ation t ! mo/ dang]\s madness dreams4 ,!y develop$ !mselves 9 ! realm ( lu/2 & !y 7 s special1 s new to him1 t :5 he woke ,durtal rema9$ trembl+1 almo/ cry+ out4 ,x 0 n at all t involunt>y & well kn[n act1 t vision :i* ceases j at ! mom5t :5 ! sleep] clasps an amor\s =m2 x 0 z & m complete ?an 9 nature1 long & accompli%$1 accompani$ by all ! preludes1 all ! details1 all ! s5sations1 & ! orgasm took place ) a s+ul>ly pa9ful acut5ess1 an incr$ible spasm4 ,a /range fact1 :i* seem$ to po9t ! diff]5ce betwe5 ?is /ate1 & ! unconsci\s uncleanness ( night1 01 beyond c]ta9 episodes & c>esses :i* c\ld only foll[ ea* o!r 9 reality1 b 7 unit$ at ! same mom5t 9 ! dream1 ! s5sation cle> & precise ( a be+1 ( a fluid =m disappe>+1 ) ! %>p s\nd ( a p]cussion cap1 or ! crack ( a :ip close by1 on wak+4 ,?is be+ 0 felt ne> him s di/9ctly1 t ! %eet1 dis>rang$ by ! w9d ( ! flight1 0 /ill 9 motion1 & he look$ at ! empty place 9 t]ror4 ,ah1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :5 he _h light$ 8 c&le1 ?is c>ries me back to ! "t :5 ,i us$ to visit ,madame ,*antel\ve1 & rem9ds me ( ! /ories ( ! ,succubus4 ,he rema9$ sitt+ up 9 b$1 a/oni%$1 & look$ ) real uneas9ess r\nd ! cell /eep$ 9 %ad[4 ,he look$ at 8 wat*1 x 0 only elev5 o'clock at night4 ,god1 he said1 if ! nights are always l ?is 9 mona/]ies6 ,he _h rec\rse to ba?+ ) cold wat] 9 ord] to recov] himself1 op5$ 8 w9d[ to *ange ! air1 & lay d[n aga91 ?or\ghly *ill$4 ,he hesitat$ to bl[ out 8 c&le1 uneasy at ! d>kness :i* seem$ to him inhabit$1 full ( ambu%es & ?reats4 ,he decid$ at la/ to ext+ui% x1 & repeat$ ! /anza he _h already he>d sung t ev5+ 9 *apel3 ,procul rec$ant somnia ,et noctium phantasmata1 ,ho/emque no/rum comprime1 ,ne polluantur corpora4 ,he end$ by fall+ asleep & dreamt aga9 ( impurity1 b he came to himself 9 "t to break ! *>m1 exp]i5c+ aga9 ! impression ( a %ad[ evaporat+ be=e he c\ld seize x 9 ! %eets4 ,he look$ at 8 wat*2 x 0 two o'clock4 ,if ?is goes on1 ,i %all be brok5 d[n to-morr[1 he ?\ght1 b he succe$$ someh[ or o!r 9 doz+1 & wak+ e t5 m9utes to wait = ?ree o'clock4 ,if ,i fall asleep aga91 ,i %all n be able to wake at ! mom5t ,i wi%1 he ?\ght1 suppose ,i get up4 ,he sprang out ( b$1 dress$1 pray$1 r$uc$ 8 ?\ghts to ord]4 ,real excesses w\ld h exhau/$ him less ?an ^! %am freaks1 b :at seem$ to him especially odi\s 0 ! want ( satisfaction left by ! complet$ rape ( ^! gho/s4 ,comp>$ ) _! gre$y tricks1 ! c>esses ( a woman only diffus$ a temp]ate pleasure1 & end$ 9 a feeble %ock1 b ) ?is ,succuba "o rema9$ 9 a fury at hav+ clasp$ only ! void1 at hav+ be5 ! dupe ( a lie1 ! play?+ ( an appe>ance1 ( :i* "o c\ld n rememb] ! =m or ! features4 ,x necess>ily br\ght ) x ! desire ( ! fle%1 ! wi% to clasp a real body1 & ,durtal began to ?9k ( ,flor5ce2 %e at lea/ qu5*$ 8 desires1 & did n leave him ?us1 pant+ & fev]i%1 9 que/ ( he knew n :at1 9 an atmosph]e :]e he 0 surr\nd$1 spi$ ^u by an unkn[n :om he c\ld n disc]n1 by a phantom he c\ld n escape4 ,!n ,durtal %ook himself1 & w\ld repulse ! assault ( ^! memories4 ,at any rate ,i w g & brea! ! fre% air1 & smoke a cig>ette2 we w see aft]w>ds4 ,he desc5d$ ! /aircase1 ^: walls seem$ n to keep _! place1 & danc$ 9 ! light ( 8 c&le1 ?read$ ! corridors1 blew out 8 light1 plac$ ! c&le/ick ne> ! auditorium1 & ru%$ out4 ,x 0 pit* d>k2 at ! height ( ! fir/ /ory a r\nd w9d[ 9 ! wall ( ! *apel cut a hole ?r\gh ! d>kness l a r$ moon4 ,durtal took a few :iffs ( a cig>ette1 & !n made 8 way to ! *apel4 ,he turn$ ! lat* ( ! door g5tly2 ! ve/ibule into :i* he ent]$ 0 d>k1 b ! apse1 ?\gh x 0 empty1 0 light$ by num]\s lamps4 ,he made a /ep1 cross$ himself1 & fell back1 = he _h /umbl$ ov] a body2 & he look$ d[n at 8 feet4 ,he _h come ^u a battle-field4 ,on ! gr\nd human =ms 7 ly+1 9 ! attitudes ( combatants m[$ d[n by grape %ot1 "s flat on _! faces1 o!rs on _! knees1 "s lean+ _! h&s on ! gr\nd z if /rick5 f beh9d1 o!rs ext5d$ ) _! f+]s cl5*$ on _! brea/1 o!rs aga9 hold+ _! heads or /ret*+ out _! arms4 ,& f ?is gr\p 9 _! agony rose no groan1 no compla9t4 ,durtal 0 /upefi$ z he look$ at ?is massacre ( monks1 & sudd5ly /opp$ ) op5 m\?4 ,a %aft ( light fell f a lamp :i* ! ,fa!r ,sacri/an _h j plac$ 9 ! apse1 & cross+ ! por*1 x %[$ a monk on 8 knees be=e ! alt> d$icat$ to ! ,virg94 ,he 0 an old man ( m ?an f\r-score ye>s2 motionless z a /atue1 8 eyes fix$1 lean+ =w>d 9 su* an access ( adoration1 t ! faces 9 ec/asy 9 ! ,e>ly ,ma/]s seem$1 comp>$ ) 81 =c$ & cold4 ,yet 8 features 7 vulg>1 8 %av5 skull1 )\t a cr[n1 tann$ by _m suns & ra9s1 0 brick-col\r$1 8 eye 0 dim1 cov]$ ) a film by age1 8 face 0 wr9kl$1 %rivell$1 /a9$ l an old log1 hidd5 9 a ?icket ( :ite hair1 :ile 8 some:at snub nose made ! g5]al effect ( ! face s+ul>ly common4 ,b !re w5t out1 n f 8 eyes1 nor 8 m\?1 b f ev]y:]e & n[h]e1 a k9d ( angelic look :i* 0 diffus$ ov] 8 head1 & envelop$ all 8 poor body1 b[$ 9 its heap ( rags4 ,9 ?is old man ! s\l did n ev5 give h]self ! tr\ble to re=m & ennoble 8 features1 %e cont5t$ h]self 9 annihilat+ !m ) h] rays2 x 01 z x 71 ! nimbus ( ! old sa9ts n n[ rema9+ r\nd ! head1 b ext5d+ ov] all ! features1 pale & almo/ invisible1 ba?+ 8 :ole be+4 ,he saw no?+ & he>d no?+2 monks dragg$ !mselves on _! knees1 came to w>m !mselves1 & to take %elt] ne> him1 & he nev] mov$1 dumb & deaf1 s rigid t y might h believ$ him dead1 _h n 8 l[] lip /irr$ n[ & !n1 lift+ 9 ?is movem5t 8 long be>d4 ,! dawn :it5$ ! w9d[s1 & z ! d>kness 0 gradually dissipat$1 ! o!r bre?r5 7 visible 9 turn to ,durtal2 all ^! m51 w\nd$ by div9e love1 pray$ ard5tly1 fla%$ out beyond !mselves noiselessly be=e ! alt>4 ,"s 7 q "y1 on _! knees1 ) _! bodies upright2 o!rs1 _! eyeballs 9 ec/asy1 7 lean+ back1 & seat$ on _! heels2 o!rs aga9 7 mak+ ! way ( ! cross1 & 7 (t5 plac$ ea* opposite ano!r face to face1 & !y look$ )\t see+1 z ) ! eyes ( ! bl9d4 ,& among ^! lay bre?r51 "s fa!rs buri$ 9 _! great :ite c[ls lay pro/rate & kiss$ ! gr\nd4 ,oh to pray1 pray l ^! monks6 cri$ ,durtal )9 himself4 ,he felt 8 unhappy s\l gr[ slack )9 him2 9 ?is atmosph]e ( sanctity he unb5t himself1 & sank d[n on ! pavem5t1 humbly ask+ p>don f ,*ri/1 = hav+ soil$ by 8 pres5ce ! purity ( ?is place4 ,he pray$ long1 unseal+ himself = ! fir/ "t1 recogniz+ 8 unwor?9ess & vil5ess s t he c\ld n imag9e h[1 9 spite ( ,8 m]cy1 ! ,"l c\ld tol]ate him 9 ! little circle ( ,8 elect2 he exam9$ himself1 saw cle>ly1 & av[$ t he 0 inf]ior to ! lea/ ( ^! lay bro!rs :o p]haps c\ld n ev5 spell out a book1 und]/ood t ! culture ( ! m9d 0 naught & ! culture ( ! s\l 0 all1 & little by little1 )\t p]ceiv+ x1 ?9k+ only ( /amm]+ =? acts ( gratitude1 he disappe>$ f ! *apel1 8 s\l borne up by ! s\ls ( o!rs1 away1 away f ! _w1 f> f 8 *>nel-h\se1 f> f 8 body4 ,9 ?is *apel1 ! impulse _h come at la/1 ! go+ =? f self1 till n[ refus$1 0 at la/ p]mitt$2 he no long] /rove ) self z 9 ! "t :5 he escap$ ) s great difficulty f 8 prison-h\se1 z at ,/4 ,sev]9 or ,notre ,dame des ,victoires4 ,!n he aga9 realiz$ ?is *apel1 :]e 8 animal "p _h alone rema9$1 & he look$ r\nd him ) a/oni%m5t2 ! great] "p ( ! bre?r5 _h gone1 "o fa!r rema9$ pro/rate be=e ,our ,lady's alt>2 he quitt$ x 9 8 turn1 & w5t back to ! apse1 z ! o!r fa!rs ent]$ x4 ,durtal look$ at !m2 !y 7 ( all sizes & all k9ds2 "o fat & bald1 ) a long black be>d & spectacles1 "s little fair & puffy m51 "s v old1 bri/l+ ) sk9 l a wild bo>1 o!rs v "y1 ) a vague air ( ,g]man dream9ess1 ) _! eyes "u _! glasses2 & almo/ all except ! v "y _h ?is feature 9 common3 a l>ge belly1 & *eeks ) little r$ /reaks4 ,sudd5ly ?r\gh ! op5 door 9 ! apse itself appe>$ ! tall monk :o _h conduct$ ! (fice ! ev5+ be=e4 ,he ?rew back on 8 *asuble ! wooll5 hood :i* cov]$ 8 head1 & assi/$ by two :ite monks w5t up to ! high alt> to say mass4 ,& x 0 n "o ( ^? masses s]v$ z s _m are cook$ 9 ,p>is1 b a mass sl[1 m$itat$1 & pr(\nd1 a mass :]e ! prie/ takes long to consecrate1 ov]:elm$ be=e ! alt>1 & :5 he elevat$ ! ,ho/ no little bell t9kl$1 b ! bells ( ! mona/]y spread abroad _! sl[ peal1 brief dull /rokes1 almo/ pla9tive1 :ile ! ,trappi/s disappe>$2 cr\*$ on all-f\rs1 _! heads hidd5 bel[ _! desks4 ,:5 ! mass end$ x 0 ne>ly six o'clock4 ,durtal took ! same way z ! ev5+ be=e1 pass$ be=e ! little *ocolate factory1 & saw ?r\gh ! w9d[s ! fa!rs wrapp+ up ! tablets 9 lead pap]1 & 9 ano!r room a t9y /eam eng9e :i* a lay bro!r 0 direct+4 ,he rea*$ ! walk :]e he _h smok$ ! cig>ettes 9 ! %ade4 ,s gloomy at night1 x 0 n[ *>m+ ) its two r[s ( ag$ limes :i* ru/l$ g5tly :ile ! w9d waft$ to him _! en]vat+ sc5t4 ,seat$ on a b5*1 he c\ld see at a glance ! :ole front ( ! abbey4 ,be=e x 0 a long kit*5 g>d51 ) "h & !re "s rose trees spread ov] ! bluei% bas9s & l>ge balls ( cabbages1 & ! old h\se1 built 9 ! monum5tal /yle ( ! sev5te5? c5tury1 ext5d$1 solemn & imm5se1 ) eighte5 w9d[s 9 a r[1 & a p$im5t1 9 ! span ( :i* 0 plac$ a mighty clock4 ,x 0 ro($ ) slate1 & surm\nt$ by a r+ ( small bells1 & 0 rea*$ by a flight ( sev]al /eps4 ,x rea*$ a height ( at lea/ five /ories1 ?\gh x _h 9 reality only a gr\nd & a fir/ floor1 b to judge by ! unexpect$ height ( ! w9d[s1 ! rooms _h to accommodate _! ceil+s to ! va/ altitude ( ! *ur*2 on ! :ole ! build+ 0 /rik+ & cold1 m apt1 s9ce x _h be5 conv]t$ into a conv5t1 to %elt] ! disciples ( ,jans51 ?an ! sons ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d4 ,! wea!r 0 w>m t morn+2 ! sun 0 filt]$ ?r\gh ! mov+ sieve ( foliage1 & ! daylight1 ?us scre5$1 0 *ang$ to rose col\r z x t\*$ ! :ite4 ,durtal1 :o 0 ab\t to read 8 pray]-book1 saw ! pages gr[+ r$1 & by ! law ( complem5t>y col\rs all ! lett]s pr9t$ 9 black ink grew gre54 ,he 0 amus$ by ^! details1 & ) 8 back to ! w>m?1 he bright5$ up 9 ?is aromatic breeze1 re/$ 9 ?is ba? ( sun%9e f 8 fatigues ( ! night1 :5 at ! end ( ! walk he saw "s ( ! bro!rs4 ,!y walk$ 9 sil5ce1 "s c>ry+ "u _! arms great r\nd loaves1 o!rs hold+ milk cans1 or baskets full ( hay & eggs2 !y pass$ be=e him1 & b[$ respectfully4 ,all _h a joy\s & s]i\s aspect4 ,ah1 good fell[s1 he ?\ght1 = !y help$ me ?is morn+1 x is to !m ,i owe x t ,i c\ld keep sil5ce no long]1 & 0 able to pray1 to h at la/ kn[n ! joy ( supplication :i* at ,p>is 0 only a sn>e = me6 to !m1 & above all to ,our ,lady de l',atre1 :o _h pity on my poor s\l4 ,he sprang f 8 b5* 9 an access ( joy1 w5t into ! lat]al walks1 rea*$ ! piece ( wat] he _h p>tially se5 ! ev5+ be=e2 9 front ( x rose ! huge cross he _h se5 at a di/ance f ! c>riage1 9 ! wood1 be=e he rea*$ ,la ,trappe4 ,x 0 plac$ opposite ! mona/]y itself1 & turn$ its back ^u ! pond2 x bore an eighte5?-c5tury ,*ri/1 ( natural size1 9 :ite m>ble2 ! pond also took ! =m ( a cross su* z is %[n on ! great] "p ( ! plans ( *ur*es4 ,?is br[n & liquid cross 0 spott$ by duckwe$1 :i* ! swan displac$ z he swam4 ,he came t[>ds ,durtal1 ) ext5d$ beak1 expect+1 no d\bt1 a piece ( bread4 ,n a s\nd arose 9 ?is des]t$ spot1 save ! ru/le ( dry leaves :i* ,durtal bru%$ z he walk$4 ,! clock /ruck sev54 ,he rememb]$ t breakfa/ w\ld be ready1 & he walk$ quickly to ! abbey4 ,fa!r ,eti5ne 0 wait+ = him1 %ook h&s1 ask$ if he _h slept well1 !n said3 ,:at w\ld y l8 ,i c only (f] y milk & honey2 ,i w s5d to-day to ! ne>e/ village & try to get y a little *eese1 b y w h only a poor meal ?is morn+4 ,durtal propos$ to ex*ange ! milk = w9e1 decl>+ t he %\ld !n d v well1 & said1 ,9 any case ,i %\ld d ill to compla91 = y are fa/+4 ,! monk smil$4 ,j n[1 he said1 we are do+ p5ance1 on acc\nt ( c]ta9 fea/s ( our ord]4 ,& he expla9$ t he only took food once a day1 at two o'clock 9 ! aft]noon1 aft] ,nones4 ,& y h n ev5 w9e & eggs to keep up y\r /r5g?6 ,fa!r ,eti5ne smil$ aga94 ,"o gets accu/om$ to x1 he said4 ,:at is ?is rule 9 comp>ison ) t adopt$ by ,sa9t ,b]n>d & 8 companions1 :5 !y w5t to till ! valley ( ,clairvaux8 ,_! meal consi/$ ( oak leaves1 salt$1 cook$ 9 muddy wat]4 ,& aft] a sil5ce ! ,fa!r cont9u$3 ,no d\bt ! ,trappi/ rule is h>d1 b x is mild if we c>ry our ?\ghts back to ! rule ( ,sa9t ,pacomius 9 ! ,ea/4 ,only ?9k2 :oev] wi%$ to jo9 t ord] _h to rema9 t5 days & nights at ! door ( ! conv5t1 & _h to endure spitt+ & insults2 if he /ill desir$ to ent]1 he fulfill$ a ?ree ye>s' novitiate1 inhabit$ a hut :]e he c\ld n /& up1 nor lie at full l5g?1 ate only olives & cabbage1 pray$ twelve times 9 ! morn+1 twelve times 9 ! aft]noon1 twelve times 9 ! night2 ! sil5ce 0 p]petual1 & 8 mortifications nev] ceas$4 ,to prep>e himself = ?is novitiate1 & to le>n to subdue 8 appetite1 ,sa9t ,mac>ius ?\ght ( ! plan ( soak+ 8 bread 9 a vessel ) a v n>r[ neck1 & only f$ on ! crumbs :i* he c\ld take out ) 8 f+]s4 ,:5 he 0 admitt$ into ! mona/]y1 he cont5t$ himself ) gnaw+ leaves ( raw cabbage on ,sunday4 ,ah6 !y c\ld /& m ?an we4 ,we1 alas6 h no long] s\ls nor bodies /\t en\gh to be> su* fa/s2 b d n let t /op y\r meal2 make z good an "o z y c4 ,ah1 by ! way1 said ! monk1 be 9 ! auditorium at t5 precisely1 :]e ! ,fa!r ,prior w he> y\r confession4 ,& he left ! room4 ,if ,durtal _h receiv$ a bl[ on 8 head ) a mallet1 he c\ld n h be5 m ov]:elm$4 ,all ! scaffold+ ( 8 joys1 s rapidly run up1 fell4 ,?is /range fact _h occurr$1 9 ! impulse ( joy he _h felt s9ce daybreak he _h :olly =gott5 t he _h to confess4 ,he _h a mom5t ( ab]ration4 ,b ,i am =giv51 he ?\ght2 ! pro( is t /ate ( happ9ess1 su* z ,i h nev] kn[n1 t truly wond]ful expansion ( s\l :i* ,i exp]i5c$ 9 ! *apel & 9 ! wood4 ,! idea t no?+ _h begun1 t all 0 /ill to d1 t]rifi$ him2 he _h n ! c\rage to swall[ 8 bread1 he drank a little w9e1 & ru%$ out ( doors 9 a w9d ( panic4 ,he w5t1 wildly1 ) great /rides4 ,confession6 ,! prior8 ,:o 0 ! prior8 ,he s\ght 9 va9 among ! fa!rs ^: faces he rememb]$ ! "o :o w\ld he> him4 ,my ,god6 he said1 all at once1 b ,i d n ev5 "k h[ a confession is made4 ,he s\ght a des]t$ corn]1 :]e he c\ld recollect himself a little4 ,he 0 /rid+ along )\t ev5 kn[+ h[ he came !re1 along a walnut-tree walk ) a wall on "o side4 ,!re 7 "s enorm\s trees1 he hid himself beh9d ! trunk ( "o ( !m1 & sitt+ on ! moss1 turn$ ov] ! leaves ( 8 pray]-book1 & read3 ,on arriv+ at ! confessional1 place y\rself on y\r knees1 make ! sign ( ! cross1 & ask ! prie/ = 8 bless+1 say+1 ',bless me1 ,fa!r1 = ,i h s9n$2' !n recite ! ,confiteor z f> z mea culpa 444 & 444 ,he /opp$1 & )\t any ne$ ( prob+ x 8 life sprang out 9 jets ( fil?4 ,he %rank f x1 !re 0 s mu*1 ( e k9d1 t he 0 ov]:elm$ ) despair4 ,!n by an ef=t ( 8 w he pull$ himself toge!r1 endeav\r$ to control & bank up ^! torr5ts1 to sep>ate !m s z to und]/& !m1 b "o afflu5t roll$ back all ! o!rs1 end$ by ov]:elm+ !m1 & became ! riv] itself4 ,& ?is s9 appe>$ at fir/ ape-l & sly1 at s*ool :]e ev]yone tempt$ & corrupt$ o!rs2 !n !re 0 all 8 gre$y y\?1 dragg$ ?r\gh tap-rooms1 roll$ 9 sw9e tr\ghs1 wall[+ 9 ! s9ks ( pro/itution1 & !n an ignoble manhood4 ,to 8 regul> tasks _h succe$$ toll paid to 8 s5ses1 & %ameful memories assail$ him 9 a cr[d2 he recall$ to m9d h[ he _h s\ght aft] mon/r\s iniquities1 8 pursuit ( artifices aggravat+ ! malice ( ! act1 & ! accomplices & ag5ts ( 8 s9s pass$ 9 file be=e him4 ,among all1 at "o "t1 !re 0 a c]ta9 ,mme4 ,*antel\ve1 a demoniacal adult]ess :o _h drawn him headlong into frightful excesses1 :o _h l9k$ him to nameless crimes1 s9s aga9/ holy ?+s1 to sacrileges4 ,h[ c ,i tell all ?is to ! monk8 ?\ght ,durtal1 t]rifi$ by ! remembrance2 h[ c ,i ev5 express myself1 s z to make him und]/& )\t defilem5t8 ,te>s ru%$ f 8 eyes4 ,my ,god1 my ,god6 he sigh$1 ?is is inde$ too mu*4 ,& 9 h] turn ,flor5ce appe>$ ) h] little /reet-arab smile1 & h] *ildi% haun*es4 ,i c nev] tell ! confessor all t 0 brew$ 9 ! p]fum$ %ade ( h] vices1 cri$ ,durtal4 ,i c by no means make him face ^! torr5ts ( pus4 ,yet !y say ?is has to be done2 & he b[$ "u ! weight ( ! f\lness ( ?is girl4 ,h[ %ameful to h be5 rivet$ to h]1 h[ disgu/+ to h satisfi$ ! abom9able dem&s ( h] desires6 ,beh9d ?is sew] ext5d$ o!rs4 ,he _h trav]s$ all ! di/ricts ( s9 :i* ! pray]-book pati5tly enum]at$4 ,he _h nev] confess$ s9ce 8 fir/ communion1 & ) ! pil+ up ( ye>s _h come successive deposits ( s9s4 ,he grew pale at ! ?\ght t he 0 ab\t to detail to ano!r man all 8 dirt1 to ackn[l$ge 8 mo/ secret ?\ghts1 to say to him :at "o d>es n repeat to "o's own self1 le/ "o %\ld despise oneself too mu*4 ,he sweat$ ) angui%1 !n nausea at 8 be+1 remorse = 8 life solac$ him1 & he gave himself up2 regret = hav+ liv$ s long 9 ?is cesspool 0 a v crucifixion to him2 he wept long1 d\bt+ p>don1 n ev5 d>+ to ask x1 s vile did he feel himself4 ,at la/ he sprang up2 ! h\r ( expiation mu/ be at h&1 9 fact 8 wat* po9t$ to a qu>t] to t54 ,8 agony z he ?us wr\ght ) himself _h la/$ m ?an two h\rs4 ,he hurri$ly rea*$ ! ma9 pa? :i* l$ to ! mona/]y4 ,he walk$ ) 8 head d[n1 =c+ back 8 te>s4 ,he slack5$ 8 pace some:at z he drew ne> ! little pond2 he lift$ 8 eyes 9 supplication to ! cross1 & z he l[]$ !m he met a look s mov$1 s compassionate1 s g5tle1 t he /opp$1 & ! look disappe>$ ) ! b[ ( a lay bro!r1 :o pass$ on 8 way4 ,he read my ?\ghts1 said ,durtal to himself4 ,oh1 ?is *>itable monk has good reason to pity me1 = inde$ ,i suff]4 ,ah1 ,"l1 t ,i might be l t humble bro!r6 he cri$1 rememb]+ t he _h se5 t v morn+ ! "y tall lad1 pray+ 9 ! *apel ) su* f]v\r t he seem$ to rise f ! gr\nd1 be=e ,our ,lady4 ,he arriv$ at ! auditorium 9 a frightful /ate1 & sank on a *air2 !n1 l a hunt$ animal t ?9ks itself discov]$1 he sprang up1 &1 di/urb$ by 8 fe>s1 mov$ by a w9d ( disord]1 he ?\ght ( flight1 t he w\ld pack 8 bag1 & make = ! tra94 ,he ma/]$ himself1 undecid$ & trembl+1 8 e> on ! wat*1 8 he>t beat+ ) great /rokes1 & he he>d ! s\nd ( di/ant /eps4 ,my ,god1 he said1 wait+ = ! /eps t drew ne>1 :at mann] ( monk is com+8 ,! /eps 7 sil5t1 & ! door op5$4 ,durtal 9 8 al>m d>$ n look at ! confessor1 9 :om he recogniz$ ! tall ,trappi/1 ) ! imp]i\s pr(ile1 :om he believ$ to be ! abbot ( ! mona/]y4 ,8 brea? 0 tak5 away1 & he drew back )\t say+ a ^w4 ,surpris$ at ?is sil5ce1 ! prior said1-- ,y h ask$ to make y\r confession1 sir8 ,& at a sign f ,durtal1 he po9t$ out ! prie-,dieu plac$ aga9/ ! wall1 & himself knelt d[n1 turn+ 8 back4 ,durtal brac$ himself1 fell d[n at ! prie-,dieu1 & !n completely lo/ 8 head4 ,he _h vaguely prep>$ h[ to ent] on ! matt]1 not$ ! po9ts ( 8 /atem5t1 classifi$ 8 s9s 9 "s degree1 & n[ rememb]$ no?+4 ,! monk rose1 sat d[n on a /raw *air1 leant t[>ds ! p5it5t1 8 h& beh9d 8 e> to he> ! bett]4 ,he wait$4 ,durtal wi%$ r to die ?an speak2 he succe$$1 h[ev]1 9 ma/]+ himself1 & bridl+ 8 %ame2 he op5$ 8 lips1 b no ^w came2 he rema9$ ov]:elm$1 8 head 9 8 h&s1 repress+ ! te>s he felt ready to fall4 ,! monk did n move4 ,at la/ he made a desp]ate ef=t1 /amm]$ ! beg9n+ ( ! ,confiteor1 & said1 ,i h n confess$1 s9ce my *ildhood2 s9ce !n ,i h l$ a %ameful life1 ,i h 444 ,! words w\ld n come4 ,! ,trappi/ rema9$ sil5t1 & did n assi/ him at all4 ,i h committ$ e k9d ( debau*1 ,i h done ev]y?+ 444 ev]y?+ 444 ,he *ok$1 & ! te>s he _h repress$ fl[$1 he wept1 8 body 0 %ak51 8 face hidd5 9 8 h&s4 ,& z ! prior1 /ill b5d+ ov] him1 did n move1 ,b ,i _c1 he cri$2 ,i _c4 ,all t life he c\ld n br+ out1 /ifl$ him2 he sobb$ 9 despair at ! view ( 8 s9s1 & cru%$ also at f9d+ himself ?us ab&on$1 )\t a ^w ( k9dness1 )\t help4 ,x seem$ to him t all 0 giv+ way1 t he 0 lo/1 repuls$ ev5 by ,him :o yet _h direct$ him to ?is abbey4 ,!n a h& 0 laid on 8 %\ld]1 :ile a g5tle1 l[ voice said1 ,y\r s\l is too tir$ = me to fatigue y ) que/ions1 come back at n9e o'clock to-morr[1 we %all h "t be=e u1 we %all n !n be hurri$ by any (fice2 f n[ till !n1 ?9k ( ! /ory ( ,calv>y2 ! cross1 :i* 0 made = ! s9s ( ! :ole _w1 lay s heavily on ! %\ld]s ( ! ,savi\r1 t ,8 knees b5t & ,he fell4 ,a man ( ,cyr5e pass$ by :o help$ ! ,"l to be> x4 ,y1 9 dete/+1 9 weep+ = y\r s9s1 h alleviat$ & r5d]$ light]1 if "o may say s1 ! cross ( ! bur!n ( y\r s9s1 & hav+ made x less heavy1 h ?us all[$ ,our ,"l to lift x4 ,he has recomp5s$ y by ! mo/ a/oni%+ ( miracles1 ! miracle ( hav+ br\ght y "h f s f> (f4 ,?ank ,him1 !n1 ) all y\r he>t1 & be n discom=t$4 ,y w say to-day = y\r p5ance1 ! ,p5it5tial ,psalms1 & ! ,litany ( ! ,sa9ts4 ,i w give y my bless+4 ,& ! prior bless$ him & w5t out4 ,durtal rais$ himself up aft] 8 te>s2 :at he fe>$ s mu* _h happ5$2 ! monk :o w\ld take him 9 h& 0 impassive1 almo/ dumb4 ,alas6 he ?\ght1 my abscesses are ripe1 b x ne$s ! cut ( a lancet to op5 !m4 ,aft] all1 he w5t on1 z he w5t up/airs to ba! 8 eyes 9 8 cell1 ?is ,trappi/ 0 compassionate at la/1 n s mu* 9 :at he said1 z ! tone 9 :i* he said x2 !n1 to be j1 he 0 p]haps confus$ by my te>s2 ! ,abb ,gvres9 c]ta9ly did n tell ,fa!r ,eti5ne t ,i 0 tak+ refuge 9 ,la ,trappe 9 ord] to be conv]t$1 let u put ourselves 9 ! place ( a man liv+ 9 ,god1 f> f ! _w1 ov] ^: head a %[] ba? is sudd5ly dis*>g$4 ,well1 we %all see to-morr[2 & ,durtal made ha/e to sponge 8 face1 = x 0 ne>ly elev5 o'clock & ! (fice ( ,sext 0 ab\t to beg94 ,he w5t to ! *apel1 :i* 0 almo/ empty1 = ! bro!rs 7 work+ at t "t 9 ! *ocolate factory1 & 9 ! fields4 ,! fa!rs 7 9 _! places 9 ! apse4 ,! prior /ruck 8 bell1 all sign$ !mselves ) a l>ge cross1 & on ! left1 :]e he c\ld n see1 = ,durtal _h tak5 ! same place z 9 ! morn+1 ne> ,sa9t ,joseph's alt>1 a voice arose3 ,ave ,m>ia1 gratia pl5a1 ,dom9us tecum4 ,& ! o!r "p ( ! *oir answ]$3 ,et b5$ictus fructus v5tris tui1 ,jesus4 ,!re 0 a mom5t's pause1 & ! pure ?9 voice ( ! old ,trappi/ sang z be=e ! (fice ( ,compl9e ! ev5+ be=e3 ,deus 9 adjutorium meum int5de4 ,& ! liturgy cont9u$ its c\rse1 ) its ,gloria ,patri1 etc41 dur+ :i* ! monks b[$ _! =eheads on _! books1 & ) its s]ies ( psalms1 acc5t$ 9 %ort tones on ! "o side1 & long on ! o!r4 ,durtal1 z he knelt1 all[$ himself to be rock$ by ! psalmody1 too tir$ to be able to pray himself4 ,!n1 :5 ,sext 0 end$1 all ! fa!rs m$itat$1 & ,durtal caught a look ( pity f ! prior1 :o turn$ a little t[>ds 8 b5*4 ,he und]/ood t ! monk implor$ ! ,savi\r = him1 & p]haps ask$ ,god to %[ him ! way 9 :i* he might conduct himself on ! morr[4 ,durtal rejo9$ ,m4 ,bruno 9 ! c\rt2 !y %ook h&s1 & ! oblate ann\nc$ ! pres5ce ( a new gue/4 ,a retreatant8 ,no2 a curate f ! neighb\rhood ( ,lyons1 he has come to see ! abbot1 :o is ill4 ,b ,i ?\ght ! abbot ( ,notre ,dame de l',atre 0 ! tall monk :o l$ ! (fice8 ,oh no2 t 0 ! prior ,fa!r ,maxim91 y h n se5 ! abbot1 & ,i d\bt if y w see him1 = ,i d n ?9k he w leave 8 b$ be=e y g4 ,!y rea*$ ! gue/-h\se1 & f\nd ,fa!r ,eti5ne mak+ excuses to a %ort fat prie/ = ! poor f>e he c\ld (f]4 ,he 0 a jovial prie/1 ) /rong features m\ld$ 9 yell[ fat4 ,he jok$ ,m4 ,bruno1 :om he seem$ to h kn[n "s "t1 on ! s9 ( gluttony :i* mu/ s (t5 be committ$ at ,la ,trappe1 !n ta/$1 pret5d+ a *uckle ( delight1 ! sc5tless b\quet ( ! poor w9e he p\r$ out1 & la/ly1 :5 he divid$ ) a spoon ! omelette :i* 0 ! ma9 di% ( _! d9n]1 he pret5d$ to cut up a f[l1 & to be delight$ ) ! f9e appe>ance ( ! fle%2 say+ to ,durtal1 ,?is is a b>ley-f$ f[l1 may ,i (f] y a w+8 ,?is k9d ( pleasantry exasp]at$ ,durtal1 :o _h no wi% to laugh t day2 he !re=e 0 satisfi$ to make a vague b[1 wi%+ to himself t ! end ( d9n] 0 at h&4 ,! conv]sation cont9u$ betwe5 ! prie/ & ,m4 ,bruno4 ,aft] x _h spread ov] v>i\s commonplaces1 x took a m def9ite =m1 9 reg>d to an invisible ott] :i* plund]$ ! abbey ponds4 ,b1 no d\bt1 said ! curate1 y h f\nd its lair8 ,nev]2 x is easy to see 9 ! la9 grass ! pa?s x trav]ses to get to ! wat]1 b we always lose its traces at ! same spot4 ,we h wat*$ = days ) ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 b x has nev] %[n itself4 ,! abb expla9$ v>i\s traps :i* might be set ) advantage4 ,durtal ?\ght ( ! ott]-hunt :i* ,balzac tells s pleasantly at ! beg9n+ ( 8 ,paysans1 :5 ! d9n] came to an end4 ,! curate said grace1 & said to ,m4 ,bruno1 ,suppose we take a turn2 ! fre% air w d in/ead ( ! c(fee1 :i* !y =get to give u4 ,durtal return$ to 8 cell4 ,he felt himself empti$1 injur$1 *eat$1 r$uc$ to a /ate ( fibre1 a /ate ( pulp4 ,8 body1 cru%$ by ! nightm>es ( ! night1 en]vat$ by ! sc5e ( ! morn+1 ne$$ entire re/1 & if 8 s\l _h n /ill t infatuation :i* _h brok5 x 9 te>s at ! monk's feet1 x 0 sad & re/less1 & x also ask$ = sil5ce1 repose1 & sleep4 ,let u see1 said ,durtal1 ,i mu/ n give way1 let me be/ir myself4 ,he read ! ,p5it5tial ,psalms & ! ,litanies ( ! ,sa9ts2 !n he hesitat$ betwe5 two volumes ( ,sa9t ,bonav5ture & ,sa9t ,angela4 ,he decid$ on ! ,bless$ ,angela4 ,%e _h s9n$ & _h be5 conv]t$1 & %e seem$ less f> f him1 m intelligible1 m helpful ?an ! ,s]aphic ,doctor1 ?an a ,sa9t :o _h always rema9$ pure1 %elt]$ f falls4 ,= %e too _h be5 a c>nal s9n]2 %e too _h rea*$ ! ,savi\r f af>4 ,a m>ri$ woman1 %e liv$ 9 adult]y & %ame2 lov]s succe$$ "o ano!r1 & :5 %e _h exhau/$ !m %e ?rew !m aside l husks4 ,sudd5ly grace rose 9 h] & made h] s\l break =?2 %e w5t to confession1 n d>+ to av[ ! m awful ( h] s9s1 & %e communicat$1 ?us graft+ sacrilege ^u h] o!r faults4 ,%e liv$1 day & night tortur$ by remorse1 & f9ally pray$ to ,sa9t ,francis ( ,assisi to help h]2 & ! next night ! sa9t appe>$ to h]4 ,my si/]1 he said1 if y _h call$ on me soon]1 ,i %\ld h grant$ y\r pray] be=e ?is4 ,! next day %e w5t to *ur*1 he>d a prie/ prea*+1 und]/ood %e mu/ address h]self to him1 & laid all be=e him 9 a full confession4 ,!n began ! trials ( an appall+ life ( purification4 ,9 bl[ aft] bl[ %e lo/ h] "m1 h] husb&1 h] *ildr52 %e w5t ?r\gh su* viol5t temptations to impurity t %e 0 oblig$ to seize on light$ coals & caut]ize ! plague ( h] s5ses ) fire4 ,dur+ two ye>s ! demon sift$ h]4 ,%e p>t$ h] goods among ! poor1 assum$ ! habit ( ! ,?ird ,ord] ( ,sa9t ,francis1 ga!r$ 9 ! sick & infirm1 & begg$ = !m 9 ! /reets4 ,"o day a feel+ ( sickness came ov] h] be=e a lep] ^: sores 7 /9k+4 ,to puni% h]self %e drank ! wat] 9 :i* %e _h wa%$ ! sores2 %e 0 ov]come ) nausea2 & puni%$ h]self yet m by =c+ h]self to swall[ a scab :i* _h n gone d[n ) ! wat] & rema9$ dry 9 h] ?roat4 ,= ye>s %e dress$ ulc]s & m$itat$ on ! ,passion ( ,*ri/4 ,!n h] novitiate ( sorr[s drew to a close & a radiant day ( visions dawn$ on h]4 ,jesus treat$ h] z a spoilt *ild1 call$ h]1 ,my sweete/1 my well-belov$ daught]2 ,he disp5s$ h] f ! necessity ( eat+1 & n\ri%$ h] only ) ! ,sacr$ ,species2 ,he call$ h]1 drew h]1 absorb$ h] 9 uncreat$ light1 & by anticipat+ h] inh]itance1 enabl$ h] to und]/&1 9 life1 ! joys ( heav54 ,& %e 0 s simple & timid t %e fe>$ 9 spite ( all1 = ! memory ( h] s9s al>m$ h]4 ,%e c\ld n believe h]self =giv51 & said to ,*ri/2 ,ah1 if ,i c\ld b put myself 9 an iron coll> & drag myself to ! m>ket-place to proclaim my %ame4 ,& ,he consol$ h]3 ,be easy1 ,my daught]1 ,my suff]+s h aton$ = y\r s9s2 & z %e reproa*$ h]self = hav+ liv$ 9 opul5ce & hav+ delight$ 9 clo!s & jewels1 ,he address$ h]1 smil+3 ,to buy y ri*es1 ,i h want$ = ev]y?+2 y requir$ a great numb] ( clo!s1 & ,i _h b "o g>m5t ( :i* ! soldi]s /ripp$ ,me1 = :i* !y drew lots2 ,my nak$ness 0 ! expiation ( y\r vanity 9 ornam5ts4 ,& all h] conv]sations ) ,*ri/ 7 9 ?is tone4 ,he pass$ ,8 "t 9 com=t+ ?is humble creature :om ,8 b5efits ov]:elm$2 & ?is has made h] ! mo/ lov+ ( ! sa9ts6 h] "w is a succession ( spiritual outp\r+s & c>esses2 h] book is su* a liv+ he>? t beside x ! volumes ( o!r my/ics seem b dull coal4 ,ah1 said ,durtal to himself1 9 turn+ ov] ^! pages1 x 0 inde$ ! ,*ri/ ( ,sa9t ,francis1 ! ,god ( m]cy :o spoke to ?is ,franciscan6 & he w5t on3 t ought to give me c\rage1 = ,angela ( ,foligno 0 z great a s9n] z ,i am1 b all h] s9s 7 remitt$6 ,yes1 b !n :at a s\l %e _h1 :ile m9e is good = no?+2 in/ead ( lov+1 ,i reason2 nev]!less x is "r to rememb] t ! conditions ( ! ,bless$ ,angela 7 m fav\rable ?an m9e4 ,liv+ 9 ! ?irte5? c5tury %e _h a %ort] j\rney to make to approa* ,god1 = s9ce ! ,middle ,ages1 ea* c5tury takes u fur!r f ,him6 %e liv$ 9 a "t full ( miracles1 :i* ov]fl[$ ) ,sa9ts4 ,= me1 ,i live 9 ,p>is 9 an age :5 miracles are r>e & ,sa9ts sc>cely ab\nd4 ,& once away f "h1 :at a vi/a is be=e me ( fall+ away1 ( soak+ myself 9 a /ew ( infamy1 9 a ba? ( ! s9s ( great cities4 ,by ! way 444 he look$ at 8 wat* & />t$2 x 0 two o'clock--,i h miss$ ! (fice ( ,nones1 he said2 ,i mu/ simplify my complicat$ hor>y1 or ,i %all nev] "k :]e ,i am2 & at once he trac$ 9 a few l9es3 ,morn+4 ,rise at #c o'clock1 or r at #c4cj4 ,breakfa/ at #g--,sext at #aa1 d9n] at #aa4cj--,nones at #a4cj--,vesp]s at #e4ae--,supp] at #f1 & ,compl9e at #g4be4 ,!re1 at lea/ t is cle> & easy to rememb]--,if only ,fa!r ,eti5ne h n notic$ my abs5ce f *apel6 ,he left 8 room4 ,ah1 "h is ! fam\s rule1 he said to himself1 on see+ a fram$ table hung on ! l&+4 ,he approa*$ & read3-- ,rule = ,visitors4 ,x 0 compos$ ( num]\s p>agraphs1 & op5$ z foll[s3-- ,^? :om ,div9e ,provid5ce has guid$ to ?is mona/]y are reque/$ to note ! foll[+3-- ,!y w at all times avoid meet+ ! religi\s & lay bro!rs1 & w n g ne> _! places ( "w4 ,!y are =bidd5 to leave ! cloi/] = ! f>m or ! neighb\rhood ( ! mona/]y4 ,!n came a s]ies ( in/ructions :i* he _h already se5 on ! pr9t$ hor>y4 ,durtal skipp$ sev]al p>agraphs1 & read aga93-- ,visitors are reque/$ n to write any?+ on ! doors1 n to /rike mat*es on ! wall1 & n to spill wat] on ! floor4 ,!y are n all[$ to visit ea* o!r's rooms or to speak to "o ano!r4 ,smok+ is n all[$ 9 ! h\se4 ,nor inde$ outside1 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,b ,i want a cig>ette badly2 & he w5t d[n4 ,9 ! corridor he ran aga9/ ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 :o imm$iately obs]v$ t he _h n se5 him 9 8 place dur+ ! (fice4 ,durtal excus$ himself z well z he c\ld4 ,! monk said no m1 b ,durtal und]/ood t he 0 obs]v$1 & t "u 8 *ildlike aspect ! gue/-ma/] w\ld1 :]e discipl9e 0 conc]n$1 hold him 9 an iron grip4 ,he 0 confirm$ 9 ?is impression :5 at ,vesp]s he notic$ t ! monk's fir/ glance on ent]+ ! *apel 0 at him1 b t day he felt s sore & brok5 t he c>$ b little4 ,?is sudd5 *ange ( exi/5ce1 & ( ! mann] 9 :i* he _h be5 accu/om$ to sp5d 8 "t1 a/\nd$ him1 & s9ce ! crisis ( ! morn+ he _h be5 9 a k9d ( torpor :i* took f him all p[] ( recov]y4 ,he drift$ to ! end ( ! day1 no long] ?9k+ ( any?+1 sleep+ z he /ood1 & :5 ! ev5+ came he fell on 8 b$ a m]e in]t mass4 ,,*apt] ,,iii4 ,he woke ) a b\nd at elev5 o'clock1 ) an impression ( someone look+ at him 9 8 sleep4 ,light+ a mat*1 he asc]ta9$ ! "t1 & see+ no "o1 fell back 9 b$ aga91 & slept at a /ret* till f\r o'clock4 ,!n he dress$ himself 9 ha/e & ran to ! *ur*4 ,! ve/ibule1 :i* _h be5 d>k on ! previ\s ev5+1 0 lit up t morn+1 = an old monk 0 celebrat+ mass at ! alt> ( ,/4 ,joseph4 ,he 0 bald & infirm1 ) a :ite be>d wav+ f side to side 9 long ?reads ) e gu/ ( w9d4 ,a lay bro!r 0 assi/+ him1 a small man ) black hair & a %av5 head1 l a ball pa9t$ blue2 he look$ l a b&it1 ) 8 be>d 9 disord] & 8 worn-out robe ( felt4 ,& ! eyes ( ?is b&it 7 g5tle & />tl$ l ^? ( a little boy4 ,he s]v$ ! prie/ ) an almo/ timid respect & a suppress$ joy :i* 0 t\*+ to see4 ,o!rs1 kneel+ on ! flag/ones1 pray$ ) conc5trat$ att5tion or read _! mass4 ,durtal notic$ ! old man ( eighty1 immovable ) out/ret*$ face & clos$ eyes2 & ! y\? ^: look ( pity _h help$ him ne> ! pond1 0 foll[+ ! (fice 9 8 pray]-book ) att5tive m$itation4 ,he look$ ab\t tw5ty ye>s old1 tall & /rong2 8 face1 ) an air ( fatigue1 0 at once mascul9e & t5d]1 ) emaciat$ features1 & a light be>d :i* fell ov] 8 habit 9 a po9t4 ,durtal gave way to 8 emotions 9 ?is *apel1 :]e ev]yone did a little to help him1 & ?9k+ ( ! confession he 0 ab\t to make1 he implor$ ! ,savi\r to help him1 & pray$ t ! monk w\ld completely explore 8 s\l4 ,& he felt himself less dismay$1 m ma/] ( himself1 & firm]4 ,he collect$ & pull$ himself toge!r1 feel+ a melan*oly confusion1 b he _h no long] ! s5se ( desolation :i* _h ov]come him ! ev5+ be=e4 ,he set 8 m9d on ! idea t he w\ld n ab&on himself1 t he w\ld help himself ) all 8 might1 & t 9 any case he c\ld n collect himself bett]4 ,^! reflections 7 int]rupt$ by ! dep>ture ( ! old ,trappi/1 :o _h f9i%$ (f]+ ! sacrifice1 & by ! entry ( ! prior1 :o w5t up 9 ! rotunda betwe5 two :ite fa!rs to say mass at ! high alt>4 ,durtal 0 absorb$ 9 8 pray]-book1 b he ceas$ read+ :5 ! prie/ _h consum$ ! ,species1 = all rose1 & he 0 amaz$ at a sight ( :i* he _h nev] dream$1 a communion ( monks4 ,!y advanc$ 9 s+le file1 sil5t & ) d[nca/ eyes1 & :5 ! fir/ arriv$ be=e ! alt>1 he turn$ r\nd to embrace ! comrade :o foll[$2 he 9 turn took 9 8 arms ! religi\s :o foll[$ him1 & s on to ! la/4 ,all1 be=e receiv+ ! ,eu*>i/1 ex*ang$ ! kiss ( peace1 !n !y knelt1 communicat$1 & came back 9 s+le file1 turn+ into ! rotunda beh9d ! alt>4 ,& ! return 0 unexpect$2 ) ! :ite fa!rs at ! head ( ! l9e1 !y made _! way v sl[ly ) clos$ eyes & jo9$ h&s4 ,! faces seem$ to be some:at alt]$2 !y 7 diff]5tly lit f )92 x seem$ t ! s\l1 driv5 by ! p[] ( ! ,sacram5t aga9/ ! sides ( ! body1 filt]$ ?r\gh ! pores & lit up ! sk9 ) a special light ( joy1 ) t k9d ( brightness :i* p\rs f :ite s\ls1 & makes way l a rose-col\r$ vap\r along ! *eeks1 & %9es1 z if conc5trat$1 on ! br[4 ,wat*+ ! me*anical & hesitat+ gait ( ^! monks1 x seem$ z if _! bodies 7 no m ?an automata mov+ f habit1 & t ! s\ls1 be+ else:]e1 gave no he$ to !m4 ,durtal recogniz$ ! old lay bro!r1 b5t s mu* t 8 face disappe>$ 9 8 be>d :i* press$ aga9/ 8 *e/1 & 8 two great knotty h&s trembl$ z he clasp$ !m2 he also notic$ ! tall "y bro!r1 8 features seem+ drawn on a dissolv$ surface1 glid+ ) %ort /eps1 8 eyes clos$4 ,by a fatal *ance he ?\ght ^u himself4 ,he 0 ! only "o :o did n communicate1 = he saw ,m4 ,bruno com+ la/ f beh9d ! alt> & return+ to 8 place ) fold$ arms4 ,?is exclusion br\ght home to him cle>ly h[ diff]5t he 01 & h[ f> ap>t1 f ^? ar\nd him6 ,all 7 admitt$1 & he alone rema9$ outside4 ,8 unwor?9ess 0 m app>5t1 & he grew sad at be+ put aside1 look$ on1 z he des]v$ to be1 z a /rang]1 sep>at$ l ! goat ( ! ,scriptures1 p5n$1 f> f ! %eep1 on ! left ( ,*ri/4 ,^! reflections 7 ( use to him1 = !y reliev$ him ( ! t]ror ( confession :i* 0 aga9 com+ ov] him4 ,?is act seem$ to him s natural & j1 9 8 necess>y humiliation & unavoidable suff]+1 t a desire came ov] him to accompli% x at once1 s t he might appe> 9 ?is *apel purifi$ & wa%$1 & ) at lea/ "s resemblance to ! o!rs4 ,:5 ! mass 0 ov]1 he made 8 way t[>ds 8 cell to get a tablet ( *ocolate4 ,at ! top ( ! /airs ,m4 ,bruno1 ) a l>ge apron r\nd him1 0 gett+ ready to clean ! /eps4 ,durtal look$ on him ) surprise4 ,! oblate smil$ & %ook h&s ) him4 ,?is is an excell5t task = ! s\l1 he said1 %[+ 8 broom2 x recalls mode/ s5tim5ts :i* "o is too incl9$ to =get aft] liv+ 9 ! _w4 ,& he began sweep+ vigor\sly1 & collect+ into a pan ! du/ :i* l pepp] fill$ e crevice 9 ! floor4 ,durtal c>ri$ 8 tablet into ! g>d54 ,let u consid]1 he said to himself z he nibbl$ x2 suppos+ ,i took ano!r walk & tri$ an unkn[n "p ( ! wood8 ,& he felt no wi% to d s4 ,no1 plac$ z ,i am1 ,i w\ld r haunt ! same spot & n leave ! places to :i* ,i am accu/om$2 ,i am already s little "u control1 & s easily di/urb$1 t ,i d n wi% to risk any?+ by curiosity to see new places4 ,& he w5t d[n to ! cross pond4 ,he w5t along ! banks1 & hav+ rea*$ ! end1 0 a/oni%$ to f9d1 a few /eps f>!r1 a /ream spott$ ) gre5 pellicules1 holl[+ its way betwe5 two h$ges :i* f5c$ 9 ! mona/]y4 ,! fields /ret*$ out beyond1 & ! ro(s ( a l>ge f>mh\se 7 visible 9 ! trees1 & all r\nd ! horizon on hills 7 =e/s :i* seem$ to /op ! way be=e ! sky4 ,i imag9$ ! gr\nds 7 l>g]1 he said to himself1 retrac+ 8 /eps2 & hav+ rea*$ ! end ( ! cross pond1 he gaz$ on ! huge wood5 crucifix re>$ 9 ! air :i* 0 reflect$ 9 t black mirror4 ,x sank d[n1 se5 f beh9d1 trembl+ 9 ! small waves /irr$ up by ! breeze1 & seem$ to fall :irl+ r\nd 9 t /ret* ( ink4 ,& z ! body ( ! m>ble ,*ri/ 0 hidd5 by ! wood1 only ! two :ite arms :i* hung bel[ ! tree c\ld be se51 twi/$ 9 ! blackness ( ! wat]4 ,seat$ on ! grass1 ,durtal gaz$ on ! hazy image ( ! recumb5t cross1 & ?9k+ ( 8 s\l1 :i*1 l ! pond1 0 tann$ & /a9$ by a b$ ( dead leaves & a dunghill ( s9s1 he piti$ ! ,savi\r :om he 0 ab\t to invite to ba! ,himself !re1 = x w\ld no long] be ! ,m>tyr ( ,golgo?a to :om at all ev5ts dea? came on a hill1 ,8 head high1 by daylight1 9 ! op5 air6 b x w\ld be by an increase ( outrages1 ! abom9able plung+ ( ! crucifi$ body1 ! head l[1 by night1 into a dep? ( mud4 ,ah6 x w\ld be "t to sp>e ,him1 9 filt]+ & cl>ify+ me1 he cri$ to himself4 ,& ! swan1 till !n motionless 9 an arm ( ! pond1 swept ov] ! lam5table image 9 advanc+1 & :it5$ ! mov+ m\rn+ ( ! wat]s ) its peaceful reflection4 ,& ,durtal ?\ght ( ! absolution :i* he w\ld p]haps obta91 & he reop5$ 8 pray]-book & numb]$ 8 faults2 &1 sl[ly1 z on ! day be=e1 he tapp$1 9 8 inn]mo/ be+1 a f\nta9 ( te>s4 ,i mu/ control myself1 he said1 trembl+ at ! idea t he w\ld suffocate aga9 & be unable to speak2 & he resolv$ to beg9 8 confession at ! o!r end1 fir/ go+ ov] ! m9or s9s1 keep+ ! great ones = ! end s z to f9i% ) ! av[al ( 8 c>nal misde$s3 if ,i succumb !n ,i c expla9 myself 9 two words4 ,my ,god6 may ! prior only n rema9 sil5t z he did ye/]day1 may he only absolve me6 ,he %ook (f 8 sadness1 left ! pond1 & return+ to ! lime av5ue1 he int]e/$ himself 9 a clos] inspection ( ! trees4 ,!y rais$ huge trunks1 cov]$ ) r$di%-br[n /onecrop1 silv]$ grey by mosses2 & sev]al t morn+ 7 wrapp$ z 9 a mantle trimm$ ) pe>ls1 gossam] ?reads /udd$ ) drops ( dew4 ,he sat d[n on a b5*1 b fe>+ a %[]1 = x look$ ?reat5+1 he retir$ to 8 cell4 ,he felt no desire to read2 he 0 eag] =1 :ile yet he dread$1 ! arrival ( n9e o'clock1 to h done )1 to get rid ( ! weight ^u 8 s\l1 & he pray$ me*anically1 )\t kn[+ :at he mumbl$1 always ?9k+ on ?is confession1 full ( al>m & h>ass$ ) fe>s4 ,he w5t d[n a little be=e ! "t1 & :5 he ent]$ ! auditorium 8 he>t fail$ him4 ,9 spite ( himself1 8 eyes 7 fix$ ^u ! prie-,dieu1 :]e he _h suff]$ s cruelly4 ,to ?9k t he _h to put himself on t hurdle aga91 to /ret* himself on t rack ( torture6 ,he tri$ to collect himself1 to compose himself--& he drew himself up quickly2 he he>d ! foot/eps ( ! monk4 ,! door op5$1 &1 = ! fir/ "t1 ,durtal d>$ to look ! prior 9 ! face2 x seem$ to be h>dly ! same man1 nor ! face1 he _h notic$ f a di/ance2 ! pr(ile 0 s haughty1 & ! full face s sweet2 ! eye dull$ ! pr\d en]gy ( ! features1 an eye famili> & deep1 :5 at ! same "t !re 0 a quiet joy & a sad pity4 ,come1 he said1 d n be di/urb$1 y are ab\t to speak to our ,savi\r alone1 :o kn[s all y\r faults4 ,& he knelt d[n & pray$ = "s "t & came1 z on ! day be=e1 to sit by ! prie-,dieu2 he b5t t[>ds ,durtal & li/5$4 ,some:at reassur$1 ! p5it5t began )\t too great angui%4 ,he accus$ himself ( faults common to all m51 want ( *>ity t[>ds 8 neighb\r1 evil speak+1 hate1 ra% judgm5t1 abuse1 lies1 vanity1 ang]1 etc4 ,! monk int]rupt$ him = a mom5t4 ,y said1 j n[1 ,i ?9k1 t 9 y\r y\? y contract$ debts2 h y paid !m8 ,& on an affirmative sign f ,durtal1 he said1 ,good1 & w5t on1 ,h y belong$ to any secret society8 h y f\ght a duel8--,i am oblig$ to ask ^! que/ions = !y are res]v$ cases4 ,no8--,good--& he 0 sil5t4 ,be=e ,god1 ,i accuse myself ( ev]y?+1 resum$ ,durtal2 z ,i confess$ to y1 ye/]day1 s9ce my fir/ communion ,i h giv5 up ev]y?+2 pray]s1 mass1 ev]y?+2 ,i h d5i$ ,god1 ,i h blasphem$1 ,i _h entirely lo/ fai?4 ,& ,durtal /opp$4 ,he 0 rea*+ ! s9s ( ! fle%4 ,8 voice fell4 ,"h ,i d n "k h[ to expla9 myself1 he said1 keep+ back 8 te>s4 ,let u see1 ! monk said g5tly2 y told me ye/]day t y _h committ$ all ^? acts :i* are compris$ 9 ! s9 ( lu/4 ,yes1 fa!r2 & trembl+1 he add$1 ,mu/ ,i g into ! details8 ,no1 x is useless4 ,i w conf9e myself to ask+ y1 = x alt]s ! nature ( ! s91 :e!r 9 y\r case !re h be5 any private s9s1 or any s9s committ$ betwe5 p]sons ( ! same sex8 ,n s9ce ,i left s*ool4 ,h y committ$ adult]y8 ,yes4 ,am ,i to und]/& t 9 y\r relations ) wom51 y h committ$ e possible excess8 ,durtal made an affirmative sign4 ,t is suffici5t4 ,& ! monk 0 sil5t4 ,durtal *ok$ ) disgu/2 ! av[al ( ^! horrors 0 a t]rible ef=t to him2 yet cru%$ z he 0 by %ame1 he 0 beg9n+ to brea!1 :5 sudd5ly he plung$ 8 head aga9 9 8 h&s4 ,! remembrance ( ! sacrilege 9 :i* ,madame ,*antel\ve _h made him %>e1 came back to him4 ,hesitat+ly he confess$ t he _h f curiosity assi/$ at a black mass1 & t aft]w>ds1 )\t wi%+ x1 he _h defil$ a ,ho/ :i* t woman1 saturat$ ) ,satanism1 conceal$ ab\t h]4 ,! prior li/5$ )\t mov+4 ,did y cont9ue y\r visits to t woman8 ,no2 t _h giv5 me a horror ( h]4 ,! ,trappi/ reflect$ & said1 ,t is all8 ,i ?9k ,i h confess$ ev]y?+1 repli$ ,durtal4 ,! confessor 0 sil5t = "s m9utes1 & !n 9 a p5sive voice1 he murmur$1 ,i am /ruck1 ev5 m ?an ye/]day1 by ! a/oni%+ miracle :i* ,heav5 has work$ 9 y4 ,y 7 sick1 s sick t :at ,m>?a said ( ! body ( ,laz>us might truly h be5 said ( y\r s\l1 ',iam foetet6' ,& ,*ri/ has1 9 "s mann]1 rais$ y4 ,only d n deceive y\rself1 ! conv]sion ( a s9n] is n 8 cure1 b only 8 convalesc5ce2 & ?is convalesc5ce sometimes la/s = sev]al ye>s & is (t5 long4 ,x is exp$i5t t y %\ld det]m9e f ?is mom5t to =tify y\rself aga9/ any fall+ back1 & to d all 9 y\r p[] = recov]y4 ,! prev5tive treatm5t consi/s ( pray]1 ! sacram5t ( p5ance1 & holy communion4 ,pray]8--y "k x1 = )\t mu* pray] y c\ld n h decid$ to come "h aft] ! tr\bl$ life y _h l$4 ,ah6 b ,i pray$ s badly6 ,x does n matt]1 z y\r wi% 0 to pray well6 ,confession8--,x 0 pa9ful to y2 x w be less s n[ t y no long] h to av[ ! accumulat$ s9s ( ye>s4 ,! communion tr\bles me m2 = x is to be fe>$ t :5 y h triumph$ ov] ! fle% ! ,demon %\ld await y !re1 & endeav\r to draw y away1 = he kn[s well t1 )\t ?is div9e gov]nm5t1 no heal+ is possible4 ,y w !re=e h to give ?is matt] all y\r att5tion4 ,! monk reflect$ a m9ute1 & !n w5t on1 ,! holy ,eu*>i/ 444 y w h m ne$ ( x ?an o!rs1 = y w be m unhappy ?an less cultur$ & simpl] be+s4 ,y w be tortur$ by ! imag9ation4 ,x has made y s9 mu*2 &1 by a j recomp5se1 x w make y suff] mu*2 x w be ! badly clos$ door ( y\r s\l by :i* ! ,demon w ent] & spread himself 9 y4 ,wat* ov] ?is1 & pray f]v5tly t ! ,savi\r may help y4 ,tell me1 h y a ros>y8 ,no1 fa!r4 ,i feel1 said ! monk1 t ! tone 9 :i* y said ',no' %[s a c]ta9 ho/ility to ! ros>y4 ,i admit t ?is me*anical mann] ( say+ pray]s we>ies me a little2 ,i d n "k :y1 b x seems to me t at ! end ( "s seconds ,i c no long] ?9k ( :at ,i am say+2 ,i %\ld mock1 & %\ld c]ta9ly end by /amm]+ out some?+ /upid4 ,y h kn[n1 quietly answ]$ ! prior1 "s fa!rs ( families4 ,_! *ildr5 /amm] =? c>esses1 & tell !m no matt] :at1 & yet !y are delight$ to li/56 ,:y %\ld n our ,"l1 :o is a good ,fa!r1 love to he> ,8 *ildr5 :5 !y drawl1 or ev5 :5 !y talk nons5se8 ,& aft] a pause he w5t on1 ,i sc5t ! devil's artifice 9 :at y say1 = ! highe/ graces are atta*$ to ?is cr[n ( pray]s4 ,! mo/ ,bless$ ,virg9 h]self reveal$ to ! sa9ts ?is means ( pray]2 %e decl>$ %e delight$ 9 x2 t %\ld be en\gh to make u love x4 ,d x1 !n1 = h] :o has p[]fully assi/$ 9 y\r conv]sion1 :o has int]c$$ ) h] ,son to save y4 ,rememb]1 also1 t ,god wi%$ t all graces %\ld come to u ?r\gh h]4 ,/4 ,b]n>d expressly decl>es ',totum nos hab]e voluit p] ,m>iam4' ,! monk paus$ anew1 & add$1 ,h[ev]1 ! ros>y enrages fools1 & t is a sure sign4 ,y w = a p5ance recite t5 e day = a mon?4 ,he ceas$1 & !n w5t on aga91 sl[ly1 ,all ( u1 alas6 reta9 t sc> ( orig9al s9 :i* is ! incl9ation t[>ds evil2 ea* man enc\rages x m or less2 z = y1 s9ce y grew up1 ! sc> has be5 always op51 b z y hate ! w\nd ,god w close x4 ,s ,i w say no?+ ( y\r pa/1 z y\r rep5tance & y\r firm resolve to s9 no m efface x4 ,to-morr[1 y w receive ! pl$ge ( reconciliation1 y w communicate2 aft] s _m ye>s ! ,"l w set out on ! way to y\r s\l & w re/ !re2 approa* ,him ) great humility1 & prep>e y\rself f ?is mom5t1 by pray]1 = ?is my/]i\s meet+ ( he>ts :i* ,8 goodness desires4 ,n[ say y\r act ( contrition & ,i w give y holy absolution4 ,! monk rais$ 8 arms1 & ! sleeves ( 8 :ite c[l rose above him l two w+s4 ,) uplift$ eyes he utt]$ ! imp]i\s =mula :i* breaks ! bonds1 & ! ?ree words1 ,ego te absolvo1 spok5 m di/9ctly & sl[ly1 fell ^u ,durtal1 :o trembl$ f head to foot4 ,he almo/ sank to ! gr\nd1 incapable ( collect+ himself or und]/&+ himself1 only feel+1 9 ! cle>e/ mann]1 t ,*ri/ ,himself 0 pres5t1 ne> him 9 t place1 & f9d+ no ^w ( ?anks1 he wept1 ravi%$ & b[$ d[n "u ! great sign ( ! cross ) :i* ! monk envelop$ him4 ,he seem$ to be wak+ f a dream z ! prior said to him1 ,rejoice1 y\r life is dead2 x is buri$ 9 a cloi/]1 & 9 a cloi/] x w be born aga92 x is a good om52 h confid5ce 9 our ,"l & g 9 peace4 ,& ! fa!r add$1 press+ 8 h&1 ,d n be afraid ( di/urb+ me1 ,i am entirely at y\r s]vice1 n only = confession1 b = int]views & = any advice :i* may be ( use to y2 y q und]/& me8 ,!y left ! auditorium toge!r2 ! monk b[$ to him 9 ! corridor & disappe>$4 ,durtal hesitat$ :e!r to m$itate 9 8 cell or 9 ! *ur*1 :5 ,m4 ,bruno met him4 ,approa*+ ,durtal he said1 ,well8 t is a f9e weight ! less on y\r /oma*6 ,& z ,durtal look$ at him 9 a/oni%m5t he laugh$4 ,d y ?9k t an old s9n] l me c\ld n tell f a ?\s& no?+s1 if only f ! way y\r poor eyes are n[ %9+1 t y _h n be5 reconcil$ :5 y l&$ "h8 ,n[ ,i h j met ! rev]5d fa!r return+ to ! cloi/]1 & ,i f9d y com+ out ( ! auditorium2 !re is no ne$ to be p>ticul>ly sly to guess t ! great wa% has j tak5 place4 ,b1 said ,durtal1 y c\ld n h se5 ! prior ) me1 = he _h left be=e y came 91 & he might h be5 p]=m+ "s o!r duty4 ,no1 = he 0 n 9 8 scapul>2 he _h 8 c[l on4 ,& z he nev] puts on t robe except to g to *ur* or at confessions1 ,i 0 q c]ta9 t he came f ! auditorium1 z !re is no (fice at ?is h\r4 ,i may also po9t out t z ! ,trappi/s d n come to confession 9 ?is room1 two p]sons only c\ld h be5 ) him1 y or ,i4 ,y may say z mu*1 repli$ ,durtal1 laugh+4 ,fa!r ,eti5ne met !m 9 ! mid/ ( all ?is1 & ,durtal ask$ him = a ros>y4 ,b ,i h n "o1 exclaim$ ! monk4 ,i h sev]al1 said ,m4 ,bruno1 & %all be mo/ happy to (f] y "o4 ,y w all[ me1 fa!r8444 ,! monk acquiesc$ by a sign4 ,!n if y w come ) me1 repli$ ! oblate1 address+ ,durtal1 ,i w h& x y )\t delay4 ,!y w5t up/airs toge!r1 & ,durtal !n le>nt t ,m4 ,bruno liv$ 9 a room at ! bottom ( a small corridor1 n f> f 8 own4 ,8 cell 0 v simply furni%$ ) old middle-class furniture1 a b$1 a mahogany bureau1 a l>ge book-case full ( ascetic books1 an e>!nw>e /ove & "s arm-*airs4 ,^! articles 7 evid5tly ! prop]ty ( ! oblate1 = !y 7 no?+ l ! furniture ( ,la ,trappe4 ,pray be seat$1 said ,m4 ,bruno1 indicat+ an arm-*air2 & !y conv]s$4 ,hav+ fir/ discuss$ ! ,sacram5t ( ,p5ance1 ! talk came r\nd to ! subject ( ,fa!r ,maxim91 & ,durtal admitt$ ! high be>+ ( ! prior _h t]rifi$ him at fir/4 ,m4 ,bruno laugh$4 ,yes1 he said1 he produces t effect on ^? :o nev] come ne> him1 b :5 "o associates ) him1 "o f9ds t he is only /rict = himself1 = no "o is m indulg5t to o!rs4 ,9 e acceptation ( ! t]m he is a true & holy monk2 besides1 he has great judgm5t4444 ,& z ,durtal spoke to him ( ! o!r c5obites1 & wond]$ t !re 7 "s q "y m5 among !m1 ,m4 ,bruno repli$1 ,x is a mi/ake to suppose t mo/ ,trappi/s h liv$ 9 ! _w4 ,! idea1 s widespread1 t p take refuge 9 ,la ,trappe aft] long sorr[s or disord]ly lives1 is absolutely false2 besides1 to be able to /& ! weak5+ rule ( ! cloi/] x is necess>y to beg9 "y1 & n to come 9 worn out ) e k9d ( abuse4 ,x is also necess>y to avoid conf\nd+ misan?ropy ) ! mona/ic vocation2 x is n hypo*ondria1 b ! div9e call1 :i* leads to ,la ,trappe4 ,!re is a special grace1 :i* makes all "y m5 :o h nev] liv$ 9 ! _w long to bury !mselves 9 sil5ce & !re9 suff] ! h>de/ privations2 & !y are happy z ,i hope y w be2 & yet _! life is /ill m rigor\s ?an y w\ld ?9k2 take ! lay bro!rs1 = example4 ,?9k ( _! giv+ !mselves up to ! mo/ pa9ful lab\r1 & t !y h n1 l ! fa!rs1 ! consolation ( s++ & assi/+ at all ! (fices2 rememb] t ev5 _! rew>d1 ! communion1 is n v (t5 conc$$ to !m4 ,n[ ?9k ( ! w9t] "h4 ,! cold is frightful2 9 ^! decay$ build+s no?+ %uts prop]ly1 & ! w9d sweeps ! h\se f top to bottom2 !y freeze )\t fires1 !y sleep ^u pallets1 & !y _c help or enc\rage ea* o!r1 = !y h>dly "k ea* o!r1 z all conv]sation is =bidd54 ,?9k1 also1 t ^! poor p nev] he> a k9dly ^w1 a ^w :i* w\ld soo! & com=t !m4 ,!y "w f dawn till night1 & ! ma/] nev] ?anks !m = _! zeal1 nev] tells ! good workman t he is pleas$4 ,consid]1 also1 t 9 summ] :5 m5 are hir$ f ! neighb\r+ villages to reap ! h>ve/1 ^! re/ :5 ! sun scor*es ! fields2 !y sit 9 _! %irt sleeves "u ! %ade ( ! ricks1 & dr9k1 if !y are ?ir/y1 & eat2 & ! lay bro!r 9 8 heavy clo!s looks at !m & goes on ) 8 "w1 & nei!r eats nor dr9ks4 ,ah6 m5 mu/ h well-temp]$ s\ls to /& su* a life4 ,b surely !re mu/ be "s (f days1 said ,durtal1 :5 ! rule is relax$8 ,nev]2 !re is n ev51 z 9 "s v /rict ord]s--! ,c>melites1 to take "o in/ance--an h\r ( recreation1 :5 ! religi\s may talk & laugh4 ,"h1 ! sil5ce is et]nal4 ,ev5 :5 !y are toge!r 9 ! refectory8 ,!n !y read ! ,conf]5ces ( ,cassi51 ! ',holy ,ladd]' ( ,climacus1 ! ,lives ( ! ,fa!rs ( ! ,des]t1 or "s o!r pi\s book4 ,& on ,sunday8 ,on ,sunday !y rise an h\r e>li]2 b on ! :ole x is _! be/ day1 = !y c foll[ all ! (fices & pass _! :ole "t 9 *ur*4 ,humility & self-d5ial c>ri$ to su* an ext5t are sup]human6 cri$ ,durtal4 ,b !y are surely giv5 a suffici5t quantity ( /rong n\ri%m5t to enable !m to give !mselves up f morn+ till ev5+ to exhau/+ "w 9 ! fields8 ,m4 ,bruno smil$4 ,!y simply get vegetables :i* are n ev5 z good z ^? :i* are s]v$ to u1 &1 by way ( w9e1 !y qu5* _! ?ir/ ) a s\r & insipid liquid1 :i* leaves half a glass full ( s$im5t4 ,!y get a p9t ea*1 & if !y are ?ir/y !y c add wat]4 ,& h[ (t5 d !y eat8 ,t dep5ds4 ,f ! #ad? ,septemb] to ,l5t !y only eat once a day1 at half-pa/ two--& dur+ ,l5t ?is meal is put (f till f\r o'clock4 ,f ,ea/] to ! #ad? ,septemb]1 :5 ! ,ci/]cian fa/ is less /rict1 d9n] is at ab\t half-pa/ elev51 & to ?is may be add$ a light meal 9 ! ev5+4 ,x is frightful6 to "w = mon?s on "o meal a day1 two h\rs aft] noon1 aft] be+ up s9ce two o'clock 9 ! morn+2 hav+ _h no d9n] ! ev5+ be=e4 ,x is sometimes necess>y to relax ! rule a little1 & :5 a monk fails f weakness he is n refus$ a morsel ( bread4 ,x w\ld be well1 cont9u$ ,m4 ,bruno1 p5sively1 to relax /ill fur!r ! grasp ( ^! obs]vances1 = ?is "q ( food is becom+ a v]itable /umbl+-block 9 recruit+ = ,la ,trappe2 s\ls :i* delight 9 ^! cloi/]s are =c$ to fly !m1 because _! bodies _c /& ! rule4#a #a ,! op9ion ( ,m4 ,bruno has be5 lately adopt$ by all ! abbeys ( ! ord]4 ,9 a ,g5]al ,*apt] ( ,la ,trappe1 held f ! #ab? to ! #ah? ,septemb]1 #ahid1 9 ,holl&1 at ,tilburg1 x 0 decid$ t except 9 seasons ( fa/+1 ! monks might eat a little 9 ! morn+1 d9e at elev51 & sup 9 ! ev5+4 ,article ,,cxvi4 ( ! new con/itutions1 vot$ by ?is assembly ( ! ,*apt] & approv$ by ! ,holy ,see1 is 9 effect ?us conceiv$3-- ,diebus quibus non jejunatur a ,sancto ,pas*a usque ad ,idus ,septembris1 ,dom9icis p] totum annum et omnibus fe/is ,s]monis aut f]iatis extra ,quadrigesimam1 omnes mona*i mane accipiant mixtum1 hora undecima pr&eant et ad s]am co55t4 ,& ! fa!rs lead ! same life z ! lay bro!rs8 ,absolutely--!y set ! example2 !y all swall[ ! same pittance1 & sleep 9 ! same dormitory on simil> b$s2 !re is complete equality4 ,only1 ! fa!rs h ! advantage ( s++ ! (fice & obta9+ m frequ5t communions4 ,among ! lay bro!rs !re are two :o h int]e/$ me p>ticul>ly1 "o q "y1 a tall fair man ) a po9t$ be>d1 ! o!r a v old man1 q b5t8 ,! "y "o is ,bro!r ,anacletus2 ?is "y man is a v]itable column ( pray]1 & "o ( ! mo/ preci\s recruits :om ,heav5 has be/[$ ^u our abbey4 ,z = old ,simeon1 he is a *ild ( ,la ,trappe1 = he 0 br\ght up 9 an orphanage ( ! ord]4 ,!re y h an extraord9>y s\l1 a true sa9t1 :o already lives absorb$ 9 ,god4 ,we w talk ( him at great] l5g? ano!r day1 = x is "t we w5t d[n2 ! h\r ( ,sext is ne>4 ,wait1 "h is ! ros>y :i* ,i am pleas$ to (f] y4 ,all[ me to add to x a m$al ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict4 ,& he made ov] to ,durtal a small wood5 ros>y1 & ! /range circle engrav$ ) cabali/ic lett]s1 ! amulet ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict4 ,d y "k ! mean+ ( ^! signs8 ,yes2 ,i read x once 9 a pamphlet ( ,dom ,gurang]4 ,good4 ,&1 by-!-bye1 :5 d y communicate8 ,to-morr[4 ,to-morr[2 x is impossible6 ,:y impossible8 ,because !re w be only a s+le mass to-morr[1 t ( five o'clock1 & at t ! rule prev5ts y\r communicat+ alone4 ,fa!r ,b5$ict1 :o usually says an e>li] mass1 w5t away ?is morn+ & w n return = two days4 ,!re is "s mi/ake4 ,b ! prior positively decl>$ to me t ,i %\ld communicate to-morr[6 exclaim$ ,durtal4 ,n all ! fa!rs "h1 !n1 are prie/s8 ,no1 9 fact1 z to prie/s1 !re is ! abbot :o is ill1 ! prior :o w (f] ! sacrifice to-morr[ at five o'clock1 ,fa!r ,b5$ict ( :om ,i spoke to y1 & ano!r :om y h n se5 & :o is travell+4 ,& !n1 if x _h be5 possible1 ,i also %\ld h approa*$ ! ,holy ,table4 ,!n1 if ! fa!rs are n all orda9$1 :at diff]5ce is !re betwe5 ^? :o h obta9$ ! prie/hood & ! simple lay bro!rs8 ,education--to be a fa!r a man mu/ h /udi$1 mu/ "k ,lat91 & 9 a ^w mu/ n be :at ! lay bro!rs are1 peasants or workm54 ,9 any case ,i %all see ! prior1 & z to ! communion to-morr[1 ,i w let y "k1 aft] ! (fice4 ,b x is tiresome2 x is a pity y c\ld n h come up ?is morn+1 ) u4 ,durtal made a ge/ure ( regret4 ,he w5t into ! *apel1 dwell+ on ?is mis=tune & pray+ ,god n to delay 8 re-entry into grace any long]4 ,aft] ,sext1 ! oblate came to rejo9 him4 ,x is j z ,i ?\ght1 he said1 b nev]!less y w be admitt$ to take ! ,sacram5t4 ,! fa!r prior has arrang$ ) ! curate :o d9es ) u4 ,he w say a mass to-morr[ morn+ be=e leav+1 & y w !n communicate4 ,oh6 groan$ ,durtal4 ,?is news broke 8 he>t4 ,t he %\ld h come to ,la ,trappe to receive ! ,eu*>i/ f ! h&s ( a prie/ ( passage1 f a jovial prie/ su* z ?is man6 ,ah1 no1 ,i h confess$ to a monk1 & ,i wi%$ to receive ! communion f a monk6 he exclaim$4 ,x w\ld h be5 bett] to wait till ,fa!r ,b5$ict return$--b :at c ,i d8 ,i c h>dly expla9 to ! prior h[ repugnant ?is unkn[n prie/ is to me1 & h[ t]ribly pa9ful x w\ld be to me1 aft] hav+ gone ?r\gh s mu*1 to end by be+ ?us reconcil$ 9 a cloi/]4 ,& he compla9$ to ,god1 tell+ ,him t all ! joy he might h felt 9 be+ purifi$ & clean at la/1 0 n[ spoilt by ?is disappo9tm5t4 ,he arriv$ at ! refectory hang+ 8 head4 ,! curate 0 !re already4 ,see+ ,durtal's sad demean\r1 he *>itably tri$ to *e] him1 b ! jokes he attempt$ produc$ ! opposite effect4 ,durtal smil$ 9 ord] to be polite1 b 8 air 0 s we>i$ t ,m4 ,bruno1 :o saw x1 turn$ ! conv]sation & monopoliz$ ! prie/4 ,durtal 0 9 a hurry = 8 d9n] to be ov]4 ,he _h eat5 8 egg & 0 pa9fully swall[+ a w>m potato s\p made ) hot oil1 :i* f its appe>ance might h be5 mi/ak5 = vasel9e2 b he n[ c>$ little ab\t 8 food4 ,he said to himself1 ,x is dreadful to c>ry away an irritat+ & pa9ful recollection ( a fir/ communion--& ,i "k x w haunt me = ev]4 ,i "k well en\gh t f a !ological po9t ( view x does n matt] :e!r ,i am deal+ ) a prie/ or a ,trappi/2 bo? are b int]pret]s betwe5 ,god & me1 b yet1 ,i feel v well t x is n at all ! same ?+4 ,= once at lea/ ,i ne$ a gu>antee ( c]ta9 hol9ess1 & h[ c ,i h x ) an ecclesia/ic :o hawks ab\t jokes l a bagman8 ,he /opp$1 rememb]+ t ! ,abb ,gvres91 fe>+ ?is mi/ru/1 _h specially s5t him to a ,trappi/ mona/]y4 ,:at a run ( ill-luck6 he said to himself4 ,he did n ev5 he> ! conv]sation :i* 0 go+ on beside him betwe5 ! curate & ! oblate4 ,he /ruggl$ ) himself all alone1 z he *ew$1 ) 8 nose 9 8 plate4 ,i d n wi% to communicate to-morr[1 he w5t on1 & he 0 %ock$4 ,he 0 c[>dly1 & becom+ fooli% at ! la/4 ,w\ld n ! ,savi\r give ,himself to him all ! same8 ,he rose f ! table1 /irr$ by a dull angui%1 & he w&]$ 9 ! p>k & w5t d[n ! pa?s z *ance l$ him4 ,ano!r idea 0 n[ gr[+ 9 him1 an idea t ,heav5 0 inflict+ a trial ^u him4 ,i want humility1 he repeat$4 ,well1 x is to puni% me t ,i am refus$ ! joy ( be+ sanctifi$ by a monk4 ,*ri/ has =giv5 me1 t is mu*4 ,:y %\ld ,he d m by tak+ note ( my pref]5ces & grant+ my wi%es8 ,?is ?\ght appeas$ him = a few m9utes1 & reproa*+ himself = rebell+1 he accus$ himself ( be+ unju/ t[>ds a prie/ :o1 aft] all1 might be a sa9t4 ,ah1 en\gh ( t1 he said2 ,i mu/ accept ! fact1 & try = once to be a little humble6 b ,i h to recite my ros>y4 ,he seat$ himself on ! grass & began4 ,he _h n rea*$ ! second bead1 :5 misund]/&+ aga9 pursu$ him4 ,he began aga9 on ! ,pat] & ,ave1 & w5t on ?9k+ no m ( ! s5se ( 8 pray]s1 reflect+3 ,:at ill-luck t ! "o monk :o says mass e day %\ld be away1 s t ,i h to g ?r\gh su* a disappo9tm5t to-morr[6 ,he 0 sil5t & _h a mom5t ( calm1 :5 sudd5ly a new elem5t ( tr\ble bur/ ^u him4 ,he look$ at ! ros>y1 ( :i* he _h told t5 beads4 ,let me see1 ! prior told me to recite t5 e day--t5 beads or t5 ros>ies8 ,beads1 he said1 & almo/ at ! same mom5t answ]$1 ,ros>ies4 ,he rema9$ p]plex$4 ,b t is idiotic1 he c\ld n h told me to g ?r\gh ! ros>y t5 times a day2 t w\ld am\nt to some?+ l five hundr$ pray]s on end2 no "o c\ld d su* a task )\t los+ 8 wits4 ,!re is no d\bt1 x is cle> he meant t5 beads6 ,b no6 = if a confessor gives a p5ance1 x mu/ be admitt$ t he w\ld proportion x to ! greatness ( ! s9s4 ,& z ,i h su* repugnance = ^! drops ( devotion tak5 9 globules1 x is natural t he %\ld gorge me ) a l>ge dose ( ! ros>y6 ,/ill 444 /ill 444 x _c be6 ,i %\ld n h ev5 "t = x all 9 ,p>is2 x is absurd6 ,& ! idea t he 0 deceiv+ himself came int]mitt5tly *>g+ back4 ,/ill1 !re mu/ be no haggl+2 9 ecclesia/ical language 't5' means t5 beads2 no d\bt 444 b ,i rememb] v well t aft] he pron\nc$ ! ^w ros>y1 ! fa!r express$ himself ?us3 'y w say t51' t means t5 ros>ies1 = o!rwise he w\ld h specifi$ t5 444 ( a ros>y4 ,& s he ?ru/ & p>ri$ ) himself--,! fa!r _h no ne$ to put ! dots on all ! i's1 if he 7 us+ an ord9>y phrase1 kn[n to ev]yone4 ,?is cavill+ ab\t ! value ( a ^w is ridicul\s4 ,he tri$ to get rid ( ?is torm5t by appeal+ to 8 reason2 & sudd5ly !re came out "s argum5t :i* unsettl$ him4 ,he f\nd out t x 0 ?r\gh c[>dice1 idl5ess1 desire = contradiction & ! necessity ( rebell+1 t he did n wi% to w9d 8 t5 reels4 ,( ! two int]pretations ,i h *os5 ! "o :i* w\ld relieve me ( all ef=t & tr\ble1 x is really too easy6--t alone proves t ,i deceive myself :5 ,i try to p]suade myself t ! prior only ord]$ me to pick out t5 beads6 ,!n a ,pat]1 t5 ,aves1 & a ,gloria are no?+2 x is n heavy z a p5ance6 ,& !n he answ]$ himself1 ,b x is mu* = y1 = y _c ev5 attempt s mu* )\t w&]+4 ,he 0 turn+ on himself )\t advanc+ a /ep4 ,i h nev] felt su* hesitation1 he said1 try+ to pull himself toge!r2 ,i am n /upid & yet ,i am fight+ aga9/ my good s5se1 = x is n a matt] ( d\bt1 ,i "k x1 ,i ought to say t5 ,aves & n "o m6 ,he rema9$ nonpluss$1 almo/ fright5$ at 8 condition :i* 0 new to him4 ,&1 to get out ( ! difficulty1 to sil5ce himself1 he ?\ght ( a new idea to conciliate bo? p>ties1 :i* seem$ mo/ concise & :i* pres5t$ at lea/ a provisional solution4 ,9 any case1 he reflect$1 ,i _c communicate to-morr[ if ,i d n complete my p5ance to-day2 9 ! d\bt1 ! wise/ c\rse is to yoke myself to ! t5 ros>ies2 lat] ,i %all see2 if necess>y ,i %all be able to consult ! prior4 ,x is true t he w ?9k me an idiot if ,i speak to him ( ^! ros>ies6 s ,i %all n be able to ask him t6 ,b !n1 y see1 y admit y\rself1 x c only be t5 beads6 ,he 0 furi\s ) himself1 & = sil5ce' sake ru%$ ^u ! ros>y4 ,he might well %ut 8 eyes1 & try to collect himself1 x 0 impossible = him at ! end ( ! second t5 to foll[ 8 pray]s2 he hesitat$1 =gett+ ! l>ge beads ( ! ,pat]s1 los+ 8 way 9 ! small beads ( ! ,aves1 /amp+ on ! gr\nd4 ,to *eck himself1 he ?\ght ( transport+ himself 9 imag9ation at ea* dose1 into "o ( ! *apels ( ! ,virg9 :i* he lov$ to att5d 9 ,p>is1 at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 at ,/4 ,sulpice1 at ,/4 ,sev]92 b ^! ,virg9s 7 n num]\s en\gh = him to d$icate ea* set ( t5 to !m1 s he evok$ ! ,madonnas ( ! e>ly ma/]s1 &1 absorb$ be=e _! images1 he turn$ ! w9dlass ( 8 pray]s1 n und]/&+ :at he mumbl$1 b pray+ ! ,"m ( ! ,savi\r to accept 8 pat]no/]s1 z %e w\ld receive ! lo/ smoke ( a c5s] =gott5 be=e ! alt>4 ,i _c =ce myself any m1 he said4 ,he left ?is toil worri$ & cru%$ & want+ to take brea?2 !re 7 /ill ?ree ros>ies to exhau/4 ,& z soon z he _h /opp$1 ! "q ( ! ,eu*>i/1 :i* _h be5 dropp$1 came up aga94 ,bett] n to communicate ?an to communicate badly2 & x 0 impossible t aft] su* debates & ) su* prejudices he c\ld prop]ly approa* ! ,holy ,table4 ,yes1 b !n :at %all ,i d8--9 reality1 0 x n mon/r\s ( me to dispute ! monk's ord]s1 to wi% to c>ry !m out 9 my own way1 to take !m up at my conv5i5ce6 ,if ?is goes on1 ,i %all s9 s mu* to-day t ,i %all h to confess aga91 he said4 ,to break ?r\gh ?is feel+1 he ?rew himself aga9 ^u 8 :eel1 b !n /upefi$ himself completely2 ! device he _h tri$ to keep himself be=e ! ,virg9 at lea/ 0 us$ up4 ,:5 he wi%$ to ab/ract himself & to br+ up a recollection ( ,meml+1 he c\ld n succe$1 & 8 lip-pray]s1 we>y+ him1 di/ress$ him4 ,my s\l is worn out1 he ?\ght1 ,i %\ld d well to let x re/1 :ile ,i /ay quiet4 ,he w&]$ r\nd ! pond1 n kn[+ :at to d next4 ,suppose ,i g to my cell6 ,he w5t !re1 tri$ to become absorb$ 9 ! ,little ,(fice ( ! ,virg91 & did n grasp a s+le ^w ( ! phrases he 0 read+4 ,he w5t d[n & began to pr[l ab\t ! p>k aga94 ,?is is en\gh to drive me mad1 he cri$--& m\rnfully he exclaim$1 ,i ought to be happy1 to pray 9 peace & prep>e myself = to-morr['s act1 yet nev] h ,i be5 s re/less1 s upset1 s f> f ,god6 ,b ,i mu/ f9i% ?is p5ance6 ,despair seiz$ him1 & he 0 on ! po9t ( lett+ all g2 he mortifi$ himself aga91 & compell$ himself to tell ! beads4 ,he f9i%$ by despat*+ !m2 he 0 at ! end ( 8 p[]s4 ,& he imm$iately f\nd a new means ( torture4 ,he reproa*$ himself ) hav+ moan$ ! pray]s neglig5tly1 )\t hav+ ev5 s]i\sly tri$ to foll[ _! mean+4 ,& he 0 on ! po9t ( beg9n+ ! ros>y ov] aga91 b 9 ! face ( ! evid5t folly ( ?is sugge/ion he pull$ himself up1 refus$ to li/51 & !n he worri$ himself aga94 ,x is none ! less true t y h n lit]ally fulfill$ ! task assign$ y by ! confessor1 = y\r consci5ce reproa*es y = y\r want ( reflection & y\r w&]+4 ,b ,i am half dead6 he exclaim$4 ,i _c g ?r\gh ! ex]cises aga9 9 ?is condition6--& once aga9 he end$1 by giv+ a ca/+ vote1 & f9d+ a new weakness4 ,by say+ ov] ano!r t51 ?\ghtfully pron\nc+ ! pray]s ) c>e1 he might make up = all ! beads ( ! ros>y :i* he _h mumbl$ )\t und]/&+ !m4 ,& he tri$ to turn ! crank1 b z soon z he _h got out ! ,pat]1 he w&]$2 he 0 ob/9ate 9 wi%+ to gr9d out ! ,aves1 b !n 8 m9d gave way & became ?or\ghly di/ract$4 ,he /opp$1 ?9k+1 ,:at is ! use ( x8 besides1 w\ld "o set ( t51 h[ev] well said1 be equal to five hundr$ pray]s t h miss$ fire8 & !n :y "o set ( t5 & n two1 :y n ?ree8 x is absurd6 ,he grew angry2 ,aft] all1 he conclud$1 ^! repetitions are absurd2 ,*ri/ positively decl>$ t we %\ld n use va9 repetitions 9 our pray]s4 ,!n :at is ! object ( ?is :eel ( ,aves8 ,if ,i dwell ^u su* ideas1 if ,i cavil at ! injunctions ( ! monk1 ,i am lo/1 said he sudd5ly2 & by an ef=t ( w1 he /ifl$ ! revolt :i* 0 rumbl+ 9 him4 ,he took refuge 9 8 cell2 ! h\rs l5g!n$ int]m9ably2 he kill$ ! "t by recapitulat+ all ! same objections ) all ! same answ]s4 ,x 0 a repetition ( :i* he 0 himself a%am$4 ,s mu* is c]ta91 t ,i am ! victim ( an ab]ration1 he said4 ,i d n speak ( ! ,eu*>i/2 !re my ?\ghts may n be exact1 b at lea/ !y are n madd5+1 :ile z = ?is "q ( pat]no/]s6 ,he confus$ himself s mu* t he felt hamm]$ l an anvil betwe5 ^! two oppos+ ideas1 & f9ally sank dr[sily on a *air4 ,?us he pass$ ! "t till ! h\r ( vesp]s & supp]4 ,aft] ?is meal he return$ to ! p>k4 ,& !n ! slumb]+ dispute reviv$ & all came back4 ,a furi\s battle 0 rag+ )9 him4 ,he rema9$ !re1 immovable1 a/\nd$1 li/5+ to himself1 :5 a rapid foot/ep approa*$ & ,m4 ,bruno said to him1 ,take c>e1 y are possess$ by ! devil6 ,& z ,durtal1 /upefi$1 did n answ]1 ,yes1 he said1 ,god sometimes all[s me intuitions1 & ,i am c]ta9 at ?is mom5t t ! devil is work+ 9 y4 ,let u see1 :at is wrong ) y8 ,i 444 ,i d n "k myself2 & ,durtal told him ( ! extraord9>y conflict ab\t ! ros>y :i* _h be5 rag+ 9 him s9ce ! morn+4 ,b ?is is madness1 exclaim$ ! oblate2 x is t5 beads ! prior ord]$ y to tell2 t5 ros>ies w\ld be impossible4 ,i "k x 444 & yet ,i d\bt /ill4 ,always ! same tactics1 said ,m4 ,bruno2 contriv+ to r5d] disgu/+ ! ?+ y ought to d4 ,yes1 ! devil wi%$ to make ! ros>y odi\s to y by cru%+ y ) x4 ,& :at is !re besides8 ,y d n wi% to communicate to-morr[8 ,true1 repli$ ,durtal4 ,i ?\ght z mu*1 :5 ,i 0 wat*+ y at supp]4 ,ah6 well1 aft] conv]sions ! ,evil ,"o is at "w2 & x is no?+1 believe me2 he 0 h>d] on me ?an t4 ,he slipp$ 8 arm "u ,durtal's1 & lead+ him to ! auditorium1 begg$ him to wait1 & disappe>$4 ,"s m9utes aft]w>ds1 ! prior ent]$4 ,well1 said he1 ,m4 ,bruno tells me t y are suff]+4 ,:at is x1 exactly8 ,x is s /upid t ,i am a%am$ to expla9 myself4 ,y w nev] a/oni% a monk1 said ! prior1 smil+4 ,well1 ,i "k precisely1 ,i am c]ta9 t y gave me t5 beads ( ! ros>y to recite e day = a mon?1 &1 s9ce ?is morn+1 ,i h be5 argu+ ) myself aga9/ all common s5se1 to conv9ce myself t my daily p5ance is to be ! ros>y t5 times4 ,h& me y\r ros>y1 said ! monk1 & look at ^! t5 beads2 well1 t is all ,i prescrib$ = y1 & all y h to recite4 ,s y h told all ! beads t5 times to-day8 ,durtal signifi$ ass5t4 ,& naturally y 7 p]plex$1 y lo/ all pati5ce1 & end$ up by rambl+4 ,& see+ ,durtal's pitiful smile1 ,well1 li/5 to me1 decl>$ ! fa!r1 9 an en]getic tone1 ,i absolutely =bid y = ! future to beg9 a pray] aga92 x has be5 badly said2 s mu* ! worse1 g on1 d n repeat x4 ,i ne$ n ask y if ! idea ( ab/a9+ f communion occurr$ to y1 = t comes ( itself2 x is !re t ! enemy directs all 8 ef=ts4 ,d n li/5 to ! devil's voice :i* w\ld keep y away2 :atev] happ5s y w communicate to-morr[4 ,y %\ld h no scruple1 = ,i comm& y to receive ! ,sacram5t2 ,i take x all ^u myself4 ,& n[ ano!r "q2 :at sort ( nights h y8 ,durtal told him ( ! awful night ( 8 arrival at ,la ,trappe1 & ( ! feel+ ( be+ spi$ ^u :i* _h awak5$ him ! day be=e4 ,we h long kn[n ^! manife/ations1 !y are )\t imm95t dang]2 d n !re=e let !m tr\ble y4 ,at ! same "t1 if !y cont9ue y w let me "k1 & we w n neglect att5d+ to !m4 ,& ! ,trappi/ left quietly1 :ile ,durtal rema9$ ?9k+4 ,i nev] d\bt$ t ^? ph5om5a 7 satanic1 he ?\ght1 b ,i did n und]/& ^! attacks ^u ! s\l1 ?is *>ge at full spe$ aga9/ my reason :i* rema9s unt\*$1 & yet is ov]come2 t is rem>kable2 if only ?is lesson may be useful to me s t ,i may n be unhors$ on ! fir/ al>m6 ,he w5t up to 8 cell aga9 & a great peace fell ^u him4 ,all _h di$ d[n at ! voice ( ! monk2 he n[ only felt surprise at hav+ be5 (f ! rails = h\rs2 he und]/ood n[ t he _h be5 assail$ unaw>es & t ! /ruggle _h n be5 ) himself4 ,he said 8 pray]s & lay d[n4 ,&1 sudd5ly1 ! assault began aga9 by new tactics he _h n guess$ at4 ,no d\bt ,i %all communicate to-morr[1 he said to himself2 b 444 b 444 am ,i prep>$ = su* an act8 ,i ought to h collect$ my ?\ghts 9 ! day-"t1 ,i ought to h ?ank$ ! ,"l = hav+ absolv$ me1 & ,i h lo/ my "t 9 nons5se4 ,:y did ,i n say t j n[ to ,fa!r ,maxim98 h[ is x ,i did n ?9k ( x8 ,!n ,i ought to h confess$ aga94 ,& ?is prie/ :o w give me ! communion1 ?is prie/6 ,! horror :i* he felt = ?is man increas$ sudd5ly & became s vehem5t t he 0 a/oni%$4 ,ah1 b !re ,i am aga9 knock$ ab\t by ! enemy1 he said1 & he w5t on3 ,all t %all n prev5t me f receiv+ ! ,heav5ly ,bread to-morr[1 = ,i h q decid$2 only h[ frightful x is t ! ,_s ( ,malice %\ld be all[$ to oppress & h>ass me )\t respite :ile ,i h no sign f ,heav5 :i* does n int]f]e1 & ,i "k no?+4 ,ah6 ,"l1 if ,i 7 only c]ta9 ?is communion w\ld please ,!e6 ,give me a sign1 %[ me t ,i may ally myself ) ,!e )\t remorse2 let ! impossible take place s t1 to-morr[1 x may be a monk & n ?is prie/4444 ,& he /opp$ himself1 a/oni%$ at 8 boldness1 ask+ himself h[ he d>$ ask =1 & indicate a sign4 ,x is idiotic6 he exclaim$2 9 ! fir/ place1 no "o has a "r to claim su* fav\rs f ,god2 & !n1 z ,he w n grant my pray]1 :at %all ,i h ga9$8 ,i %all inf] f ! refusal t my communion w be wor? no?+6 ,& he pray$ ! ,"l to =get 8 wi%1 excus$ himself = hav+ =m$ x1 & wi%$ to conv9ce himself t ,he %\ld n take x into acc\nt1 &1 help$ by ! agitations ( ! day1 he end$ by fall+ asleep z he pray$4 ,,*apt] ,,iv4 ,:5 he left 8 cell he said to himself1 ,?is morn+ ,i %all communicate1 & ^! words1 :i* %\ld h ?rill$ him ?r\gh & ?r\gh1 woke no zeal 9 him4 ,he rema9$ dull1 tir$ & c>+ = no?+1 feel+ cold 9 ! dep? ( 8 be+4 ,nev]!less a fe> /imulat$ him :5 he 0 outside4 ,i d n "k1 he said to himself1 :5 ,i mu/ leave my seat & g to kneel be=e ! prie/2 ,i "k t ! congregation %\ld communicate aft] ! celebrant2 b at :at mom5t exactly ought ,i to move8 ,x is inde$ ano!r mis=tune t ,i %\ld h to g up1 alone1 t[>ds ?is ,table :i* s di/urbs me2 o!rwise ,i %all only h to foll[ ! o!rs & at lea/ be sure ( n do+ any?+ improp]ly4 ,he scrut9iz$ ! *apel z he w5t 91 look+ r\nd = ,m4 ,bruno :o1 _h he be5 by 8 side1 might h kept (f 8 scruples1 b ! oblate c\ld n be f\nd4 ,durtal sat d[n1 disabl$1 dream+ ( ! sign he _h ask$ = ! ev5+ be=e1 endeav\r+ to ?r[ (f ! recollection1 ?9k+ ( x all ! same4 ,he wi%$ to exam9e himself & collect himself1 & he 0 pray+ ,heav5 to =give him 8 m5tal vacillations :5 ,m4 ,bruno came 91 & w5t to kneel be=e ! /atue ( ! ,virg94 ,almo/ at ! same m9ute a bro!r1 :o _h a be>d l seawe$ gr[+ f a face l a pe>1 took up to ! alt> ( ,/4 ,joseph a small ru/ic table on :i* he plac$ a bas91 a t[el1 two vases & a napk94 ,be=e ^! prep>ations1 :i* recall$ ! imm95ce ( ! ,sacrifice1 ,durtal /iff5$ himself & succe$$ by an ef=t 9 keep+ back 8 anxieties & ov]?r[+ 8 tr\bles1 & escap+ f himself he ard5tly implor$ ,our ,lady to int]v5e s t he might1 = ?is h\r at lea/1 )\t w&]+1 pray 9 peace4 ,& :5 he _h f9i%$ 8 pray] he lift$ 8 eyes & look$ ) a />t at ! prie/ :o 0 advanc+1 prec$$ by a lay bro!r1 to celebrate mass4 ,?is 0 n ! curate :om he knew1 b ano!r1 y\ng]1 v tall1 ) a maje/ic air1 ) *eeks pale & %av51 & a bald head4 ,durtal 0 wat*+ him solemnly m>*+ t[>ds ! alt> ) 8 eyes ca/ d[n :5 he sudd5ly notic$ a violet flame light up 8 f+]s4 ,he we>s an episcopal r+1 he is a bi%op1 ?\ght ,durtal1 :o leant =w>d to see ! col\r ( ! ve/m5t und]nea? ! *asuble & alb4 ,x 0 :ite4 ,!n x is a monk1 he said1 a/\nd$2 &1 me*anically1 he turn$ t[>ds ! /atue ( ! ,virg91 summon+ ! oblate by a ha/y glance1 :o came to sit beside him4 ,:o is he8 ,dom ,anselm1 ! abbot ( ! mona/]y4 ,he :o 0 ill8 ,yes1 he w give u communion4 ,durtal fell ^u 8 knees1 suffocat$1 almo/ trembl+3 he 0 n dream+6 ,heav5 0 answ]+ him by ! sign on :i* he _h fix$4 ,he ought to abase himself be=e ,god1 to be ov]:elm$ at ,8 feet1 to spread himself 9 a passion ( gratitude2 he knew & wi%$ x6 ,& )\t kn[+ h[1 he 0 ex]cis+ himself 9 seek+ natural causes :i* might acc\nt = ! sub/itution ( a monk = ! prie/4 ,no d\bt x 0 v simple2 = on ! :ole1 be=e admitt+ a k9d ( miracle4444 anyh[1 ,i w keep an op5 m9d1 = aft] ! c]emony ,i wi% to cle> ! matt] up4 ,& he repell$ ! ins9uations :i* crept into him4 ,well6 :at int]e/ c\ld !re be 9 ! motive ( ?is *ange8 !re cle>ly mu/ be a motive1 b x 0 only a consequ5ce1 an accessory2 ! important po9t 0 ! sup]natural w :i* _h produc$ x4 ,9 any case y h obta9$ m ?an y ask$2 y h ev5 a bett] ?an ! simple monk y wi%$ =1 y h ! abbot ( ,la ,trappe himself6 ,& he cri$3 ,oh1 to believe1 to believe l ^! poor lay bro!rs1 n to be end[$ ) a s\l :i* is bl[n ab\t by e w9d2 to h ! fai? ( a *ild1 an immovable fai?1 a fai? :i* _c be root$ up6 ,ah1 ,fa!r1 ,fa!r1 bury x1 rivet x 9 me6 ,& su* 0 8 en?usiasm t he came out ( himself2 all ar\nd him seem$ to disappe> & he cri$1 /amm]+1 to ,*ri/3 ,"l1 g n f> f me4 ,let ,?y pity curb ,?y ju/ice2 be unju/1 =give me2 receive ,?y poor b$esman = communion1 ! poor 9 _s6 ,m4 ,bruno t\*$ 8 arm1 & ) a glance invit$ him to accompany him4 ,!y w5t up to ! alt> & knelt ^u ! flag/ones1 !n1 :5 ! prie/ _h bless$ !m1 !y knelt clos] on ! s+le /ep1 & ! lay bro!r h&$ !m a napk91 = !re 0 no b> or clo?4 ,& ! abbot ( ,la ,trappe gave !m ! communion4 ,!y return$ to _! places4 ,durtal 0 9 a /ate ( absolute torpor2 ! ,sacram5t _h1 9 a mann]1 an/hetiz$ 8 m9d2 he fell on 8 knees at 8 b5*1 incapable ev5 ( unravell+ :at might be mov+ )9 him1 unable to rally & pull himself toge!r4 ,& all ( a sudd5 ! impression came ov] him t he 0 suffocat+ & want$ air2 ! mass 0 f9i%$2 he ru%$ out & ran to 8 walk2 !re he wi%$ to take an acc\nt ( himself & he f\nd no?+4 ,& 9 front ( ! cross pond1 9 ^: wat]s ! ,*ri/ 0 dr[n+1 !re came ov] him an inf9ite melan*oly1 a va/ sadness4 ,x 0 a true syncope ( ! s\l2 x lo/ consci\sness2 & :5 x came to itself1 he 0 a/oni%$ t he _h n felt an unkn[n transport ( joy2 !n he dwelt on a tr\blesome recollection1 on ! all too human side ( ! deglutition ( a ,god2 ! ,ho/ _h /uck aga9/ 8 palate1 & he _h _h to seek x ) 8 tongue & roll x ab\t l a pancake 9 ord] to swall[ x4 ,ah6 x 0 /ill too mat]ial6 he only want$ a fluid1 a p]fume1 a fire1 a brea?6 ,& he tri$ to expla9 to himself ! treatm5t t ! ,savi\r made him foll[4 ,all 8 anticipations _h return$2 x 0 ! absolution & n ! communion :i* _h work$4 ,:5 ) ! confessor he _h v cle>ly p]ceiv$ ! pres5ce ( ! ,r$eem]2 all 8 be+ _h1 9 a mann]1 be5 inject$ ) div9e effluvia1 & ! ,eu*>i/ _h only br\ght him suffocation & tr\ble4 ,x seem$ t ! effects ( ! two ,sacram5ts _h *ang$ places ! "o ) ! o!r2 !y _h work$ ! wrong way ) him2 ,*ri/ _h be5 p]ceptible to 8 s\l be=e & n aft]w>ds4 ,b x is easy en\gh to see1 he reflect$1 t ! great "q = me is to h an absolute c]ta9ty ( my =giv5ess6 ,by a special fav\r1 ,jesus has ratifi$ my fai? 9 ! heal+ p[] ( ,p5ance4 ,:y %\ld ,he h done m8 ,& !n1 :at b\nties w\ld ,he res]ve = ,8 sa9ts8 ,aft] all ,i am a/oni%+4 ,x is too mu* t ,i %\ld wi% to be treat$ z ,he c]ta9ly treats ,bro!r ,anacletus & ,bro!r ,simeon4 ,i h obta9$ m ?an ,i des]ve4 ,& :at an answ] ,i _h1 ?is v morn+8 ,yes1 inde$1 b :y %\ld su* advances end sudd5ly 9 ?is recoil8 ,& mak+ 8 way t[>ds ! abbey to eat 8 bread & *eese1 he said to himself3 ,my error t[>ds ,god is to be always argu+1 :5 ,i ought to adore /upidly z ^! monks "h d4 ,ah6 to be able to keep sil5ce1 sil5ce to "o's self1 t is inde$ a grace6 ,he rea*$ ! refectory1 :i*1 z a rule1 he _h to himself1 ,m4 ,bruno nev] com+ to ! meal at sev5 o'clock 9 ! morn+4 ,he 0 beg9n+ to cut himself a piece ( bread1 :5 ! fa!r gue/-ma/] appe>$4 ,he _h a :et/one & "s knives 9 8 h&1 & smil+ at ,durtal1 he said3 ,i am go+ to poli% ! knives ( ! mona/]y1 = !y want x badly4 ,& he plac$ !m on a table 9 a small room atta*$ to ! refectory4 ,well1 are y satisfi$8 he said1 on com+ back4 ,c]ta9ly--b1 :at happ5$ ?is morn+1 h[ is x ,i 0 communicat$ by ! abbot ( ,la ,trappe1 :5 ,i %\ld h be5 by ! curate :o d9es ) me8 ,ah6 exclaim$ ! monk1 ,i 0 z mu* surpris$ z y4 ,on wak+1 ! ,fa!r ,abbot sudd5ly decl>$ t he mu/ say mass ?is morn+4 ,he got up 9 spite ( ! obs]vations ( ! prior1 :o z a doctor1 =bade him to leave 8 b$4 ,nei!r ,i1 nor any "o else1 kn[s :at took him4 ,!n !y told him t a retreatant w\ld communicate & he answ]$ ',j s1 ,i %all communicate him4' ,& !n ,m4 ,bruno took ! opportunity ( also approa*+ ! ,sacram5t1 = he loves to receive our ,savi\r f ! h&s ( ,dom ,anselm4 ,& ?is arrangem5t also satisfi$ ! curate1 ! monk w5t on1 smil+2 = he left ,la ,trappe at an e>li] h\r ?is morn+ & has be5 able to say 8 mass 9 a p>i% :]e he 0 expect$4444 ,by ! way1 he told me to make 8 excuses to y = n hav+ be5 able to bid y good-bye4 ,durtal b[$4 ,!re is no d\bt ab\t x1 he ?\ght1 ,god wi%$ to give me an unmi/akable answ]4 ,& y\r heal?8 ,x is good1 fa!r2 ,i am a/\nd$2 my dige/ion has nev] be5 s good z x is "h2 to say no?+ ( ! fact t ! neuralgia1 :i* ,i fe>$ s mu*1 has sp>$ me4 ,t %[s t ,heav5 protects y4 ,yes1 inde$4 ,b n[ t ,i rememb] x1 ,i h long wi%$ to ask y ?is--h[ are y\r (fices arrang$8 ,!y d n correspond ) ^? pr9t$ 9 my pray]-book4 ,no1 !y diff] f y\rs1 :i* belong to ! ,roman ritual4 ,at ! same "t1 ! ,vesp]s are almo/ simil>1 except sometimes ! lessons1 & !n :at may put y out is t ours are (t5 prec$$ by ! ,vesp]s ( ! ,bless$ ,virg94 ,z a g5]al rule we h a psalm less 9 ! (fice1 & ! lessons are ne>ly always %ort4 ,except1 ,fa!r ,eti5ne w5t on1 smil+1 9 ,compl9e1 ! v "o y recite4 ,?us y may h notic$ we "k no?+ ( ',9 manus tuas1 ,dom9e1' :i* is "o ( ! few %ort lessons sung 9 p>i% *ur*es4 ,we h also a special ,prop] ( ,sa9ts2 we celebrate ! commemoration ( ! ,bless$ ( our ord] :i* y w n f9d 9 y\r books4 ,9 fact we foll[ ! lett] ( ! mona/ic brevi>y ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict4 ,durtal _h f9i%$ 8 breakfa/4 ,he rose1 fe>+ to tr\ble ! fa!r by 8 que/ions4 ,"o ^w ( ! monk1 h[ev]1 0 tr\bl+ 8 bra91 t relat+ to ! prior z a doctor2 & be=e go+ out he spoke ( ?is aga9 to ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,no--! ,rev]5d ,fa!r ,maxim9 is n a doctor1 b he und]/&s simples v well1 & he has a small ph>macy :i* is en\gh z long z no "o is s]i\sly ill4 ,& 9 t case8 ,9 t case ! practition] c be call$ 9 f "o ( ! ne>e/ t[ns1 b no "o is ev] s ill z t2 or else ! end is approa*+ & ! doctor's visit w\ld be useless4444 ,s on ! :ole ! prior looks aft] s\l & body at ,la ,trappe4 ,! monk signifi$ ass5t4 ,durtal w5t out4 ,he hop$ to get rid ( 8 suffocation by a long walk4 ,he took a road :i* he _h n be5 along be=e1 & came out on a glade :]e /ood ! ru9s ( an anci5t conv5t1 "s bits ( wall1 truncat$ columns & capitals 9 ! ,roman /yle2 unhappily ^! rema9s 7 9 a deplorable condition1 r\gh1 cov]$ ) moss & riddl$ ) holes l pumice /ones4 ,he w5t on & came to ! end ( a long walk1 at ! top ( :i* 0 a pond five or six times z l>ge z ! small "o 9 ! =m ( a cross1 :i* he frequ5t$4 ,! walk 0 plant$ ) old oaks on ea* side1 & 9 ! middle1 ne> a wood5 b5*1 /ood a ca/-iron /atue ( ! ,virg94 ,he groan$ z he look$ at x4 ,! crime ( ! *ur* foll[$ him once m2 ev5 9 ?is little *apel s full ( div9e compassion1 all ! /atues came f ! religi\s baza>s ( ,p>is or ,lyons4 ,he took 8 position bel[1 ne> ! pond ^: banks 7 bord]$ by re$s surr\nd$ by tufts ( osi]s2 & he amus$ himself by exam9+ ! col\rs ( ^! %rubs1 ) _! smoo? gre5 leaves & /alks ( citron yell[1 or blood r$1 notic+ ! curl+ wat] :i* began to foam ) a gu/ ( w9d4 ,& ! m>t9s skimm$ x1 t\*+ x ) ! tips ( _! w+s f :i* drops ( wat] fell l pe>ls ( quicksilv]4 ,& ! birds rose :irl+ above & giv+ out _! cries ( weet1 weet1 weet1 :ile ! dragon-flies %one brightly 9 ! air :i* !y sla%$ ) blue flames4 ,peaceful refuge6 ?\ght ,durtal2 ,i ought to h come to re/ "h be=e4 ,he sat d[n on a b$ ( moss & int]e/$ himself 9 ! noiseless & active life ( ! wat]s4 ,n[ ! spla% & fla% ( ! turn ( a leap+ c>p2 n[ great spid]s skat+ on ! surface1 mak+ little circles & driv+ "o aga9/ ano!r1 /opp+1 go+ back & mak+ new r\nds2 !n1 ne> him on ! gr\nd1 ,durtal notic$ jump+1 gre5 gras%opp]s ) v]milion bellies1 or1 scal+ ! oaks1 colonies ( que] insects on ^: backs a devil's head 0 pa9t$ 9 r$ lead on a black gr\nd4 ,& above all t1 if he rais$ 8 eyes1 !re 0 ! sil5t upturn$ sea ( heav51 a blue sea cre/$ ) surg+ :ite cl\ds l waves2 & at ! same "t ?is firmam5t mov$ 9 ! wat] :]e x bill[$ "u a bluei% gray glass4 ,durtal felt himself exp& z he smok$ cig>ettes2 ! melan*oly :i* _h oppress$ him s9ce ! dawn began to melt away1 & joy crept into him z he felt 8 s\l 0 wa%$ 9 ! pool ( ! ,sacram5ts & dri$ 9 ! air ( a cloi/]4 ,& he 0 at once happy & uneasy2 happy1 = ! meet+ he _h _h ) ! fa!r gue/-ma/]1 _h remov$ all ! d\bts he _h ent]ta9$ z to ! sup]natural side to ! sudd5 *ange ( a prie/ = a monk to communicate him2 happy1 also1 to "k t n only _h ,*ri/ n repuls$ him 9 spite ( all ! disord]s ( 8 life1 b t ,he 0 enc\rag+ him & giv+ him pl$ges1 ratify+ ! signs ( ,8 fav\rs by p]ceptible acts4 ,& nev]!less he 0 uneasy1 = he knew himself to be b>r51 & felt t x 0 necess>y = him to be grateful = ?is goodness by a /ruggle ) himself & an entirely new exi/5ce diff]+ completely f t he _h hi!rto l$4 ,well1 we %all see6 & he w5t (f to ! (fice ( ,sext almo/ calm$1 & !nce to d9n]1 :]e he f\nd ,m4 ,bruno4 ,we w g = a walk to-day1 said ! oblate1 rubb+ 8 h&s4 ,durtal look$ at him ) a/oni%m5t4 ,yes1 inde$1 ,i ?\ght t aft] a communion a little air outside ! walls w\ld d y good1 & ,i propos$ to ! ,rev]5d ,fa!r ,abbot to free y f ! rule = to-day1 if ! (f] is n disagreeable to y4 ,i gladly accept1 & ?ank y s9c]ely = y\r k9d att5tion1 said ,durtal4 ,!y d9$ (f a s\p made ) oil 9 :i* a /ick ( cabbage & "s peas 7 swimm+2 x 0 n bad2 b ! bread made at ,la ,trappe rem9d$ him1 :5 /ale1 ( ! bread 9 ! siege ( ,p>is1 & made ! s\p turn s\r4 ,!n !y ta/$ an egg ) sorrel & "s rice /eep$ 9 milk4 ,if x suits y1 said ! oblate1 we w beg9 by pay+ a visit to ,dom ,anselm1 :o has express$ a wi% to "k y4 ,& ,m4 ,bruno l$ ,durtal ?r\gh a labyr9? ( passages & /aircases to a small cell :]e ! abbot 04 ,he 0 dress$ l ! fa!rs 9 a :ite robe & a black scapul>2 only at ! end ( a violet cord he bore on 8 brea/ an abbot's cross ( ivory1 9 ! c5tre ( :i*1 "u a r\nd glass1 "s relics 7 ins]t$4 ,he gave 8 h& to ,durtal & begg$ him to sit d[n4 ,!n he ask$ if ! food seem$ to be en\gh = him4 ,& on receiv+ a reply 9 ! affirmative f ,durtal he inquir$ if ! long sil5ce did n weigh ^u him too mu*4 ,n at all1 ?is solitude suits me p]fectly4 ,well1 said ! abbot1 laugh+1 y are "o ( ! few laym5 :o h borne our rule s easily4 ,g5]ally ^? :o h tri$ to make a retreat "h h be5 dev\r$ by home sickness & sple51 & h _h b "o idea1 to get away4 ,let u see1 he said aft] a pause2 x is n possible1 all ! same1 t su* a sudd5 *ange ( habits %\ld n br+ ) x "s pa9ful privations2 !re mu/ be at lea/ "o :i* y feel above all ! o!rs8 ,true1 ,i feel ! want ( be+ able to light a cig>ette :5ev] ,i l4 ,! abbot answ]$ smil+1 ,b ,i suppose y h n be5 entirely )\t smok+1 s9ce y came "h8 ,i %\ld tell a lie if ,i said ,i _h n smok$ 9 secret4 ,:y1 bless me1 tobacco 0 n =ese5 by ,/4 ,b5$ict2 !re is no m5tion ( x 9 8 rule1 & ,i am !re=e free to all[ its use2 s smoke z _m cig>ettes z y l )\t be+ uneasy4 ,& ,dom ,anselm add$3 ,i hope %ortly to h a little m "t to myself1 unless1 inde$1 ,i am oblig$ to keep my room1 9 t case ,i %all be happy to h a long] talk ) y4 ,& ! monk1 :o seem$ exhau/$1 %ook !m by ! h&4 ,go+ d[n into ! c\rt ) ! oblate ,durtal exclaim$1 ,! ,fa!r ,abbot is *>m+1 & q "y4 ,he is h>dly =ty4 ,he appe>s to be really ill4 ,yes1 he is n well1 & he requir$ no common en]gy to say 8 mass ?is morn+2 b let u see1 we w fir/ ( all visit ! gr\nds ( ,la ,trappe :i* y c h>dly h be5 ov] completely1 !n we w leave ! enclosure & pu% on to ! f>m4 ,!y />t$1 skirt+ ! rema9s ( ! anci5t abbey1 & z !y walk$1 turn+ by ! piece ( wat] ne> :i* ,durtal _h be5 seat$ 9 ! morn+1 ,m4 ,bruno ent]$ into explanations ab\t ! ru9s4 ,?is mona/]y 0 f\nd$ 9 #aabg by ,/4 ,b]n>d1 :o in/all$ ! ,bless$ ,humb]t z abbot1 an epileptic ,ci/]cian1 :om he _h cur$ by a miracle4 ,at t "t !re 7 app>itions 9 ! conv5t2 a leg5d relates t two angels came & cut "o ( ! lilies plant$ 9 ! cemet]y e "t "o ( ! monks di$4 ,! second abbot 0 ! ,bless$ ,gu]ric1 :o 0 fam\s = 8 k1 8 humility & 8 pati5ce 9 endur+ evils4 ,we possess 8 relics & !y are enclos$ 9 ! %r9e "u ! high alt>4 ,b ! mo/ rem>kable ( ! sup]iors1 :o succe$$ ea* o!r "h 9 ! middle ages1 0 ,pet] ,monoculus1 ^: /ory 0 writt5 by 8 fri5d1 ! memb] ( ! synod1 ,?omas de ,reuil4 ,pi]re1 call$ ,monoculus1 or ! "o-ey$1 0 a sa9t ?ir/+ = au/]ities & suff]+s4 ,he 0 assail$ by horrible temptations at :i* he laugh$4 ,exasp]at$1 ! ,devil attack$ 8 body &1 by fits ( neuralgia1 broke 8 skull1 b ,heav5 came to 8 aid & cur$ x4 ,by %$d+ te>s f a _s ( p5it5ce1 ,pet] lo/ an eye1 & he ?ank$ our ,"l = ?is bless+1 ',i _h' he said1 'two enemies2 ,i h escap$ ! fir/1 b ! "o ,i reta9 tr\bles me m ?an ! "o ,i h lo/4' ,he work$ miracles ( heal+4 ,! k+ ( ,france1 ,l\is ,,vii41 v5]at$ him s mu* t1 on see+ ! empty eyelid1 he wi%$ to kiss x4 ,monoculus di$ 9 #aahf2 !y soak$ l95 clo?s 9 8 blood1 & wa%$ 8 entrails 9 w9e :i* 0 di/ribut$1 = ! mixture 0 a p[]ful rem$y4 ,! prop]ty ( ! abbey 0 !n imm5se2 x compris$ all ! c\ntry :i* surr\nds u1 kept up sev]al laz> h\ses 9 ! neighb\rhood1 & 0 ! home ( m ?an ?ree hundr$ monks4 ,un=tunately :at happ5$ to o!rs happ5$ to ,notre-,dame de l',atre4 ,"u ! rule ( abbots 9 comm5dam x decl9$1 & x 0 dy+ ) only six religi\s to look aft] x :5 ! ,revolution suppress$ x4 ,! *ur* 0 !n pull$ d[n & aft]w>ds replac$ by ! rotunda *apel4 ,only 9 #ahge ! pres5t h\se1 :i* ,i ?9k dates f #agcc1 0 reconcil$ & became a mona/]y aga94 ,trappi/s 7 br\ght "h f ,sa9te ,m>ie de la ,m]1 9 ! diocese ( ,t\l\se1 & ?is small colony has made ,notre-,dame de l',atre ! ,ci/]cian nurs]y y see4 ,su*1 9 few words1 is ! hi/ory ( ! conv5t1 said ! oblate4 ,z = ! ru9s !y are buri$ und]gr\nd1 & no d\bt preci\s fragm5ts might be discov]$1 b = want ( money & m5 no excavations h be5 made4 ,9 addition to ! brok5 columns & ! capitals we pass$1 !re rema9s f ! old *ur* a l>ge /atue ( ! ,virg9 :i* has be5 erect$ 9 "o ( ! corridors ( ! abbey2 besides ?is !re are two angels fairly well pres]v$ & :i* y may see d[n !re at ! end ( ! cloi/] 9 a small *apel1 hidd5 beh9d a curta9 ( trees4 ,a virg91 be=e :i* ,/4 ,b]n>d may possibly h knelt1 ought surely to h be5 put 9 ! *ur* on ! alt> d$icat$ to ,m>y1 = ! col\r$ /atue1 :i* surm\nts x1 is ( cry+ ugl9ess--l t "o also1 said ,durtal1 po9t+ out 9 ! di/ance ! ca/-iron ,madonna :i* t[]$ above ! pond4 ,! oblate b[$ 8 head & did n reply4 ,d y "k1 exclaim$ ,durtal1 :o 9 ! face ( ?is sil5ce did n p]si/ & *ang$ ! conv]sation1 d y "k t ,i envy y liv+ "h8 ,x is c]ta9 t ,i d n des]ve ?is fav\r1 =1 on ! :ole1 ! cloi/] is less an expiation ?an a rew>d2 x is ! only place :]e1 f> f ! _w & ne> heav51 ! only place :]e a man may give himself up to ?is my/ic life :i* only develops 9 solitude & sil5ce4 ,yes1 & if possible1 ,i envy y yet m t y %\ld h _h ! c\rage to v5ture into regions :i*1 ,i confess1 fright5$ me4 ,& ,i "k s well t1 9 spite ( ! spr+-bo>d ( pray]s & fa/s1 9 spite ( ! gre5 h\se1 or or*id h\se atmosph]e1 :]e9 my/icism is gr[n1 ,i %\ld )] away 9 ^! regions )\t ev] exp&+ aga94 ,! oblate smil$4 ,:at d y "k ab\t x8 he repli$1 ! ?+ is n done 9 an h\r2 ! or*id y speak ( does n fl[] 9 a day2 ! advance is s sl[1 t mortifications space !mselves out1 fatigues are di/ribut$ ov] ye>s1 &1 on ! :ole1 are easily borne4 ,z a g5]al rule x is necess>y1 to cross ! di/ance :i* sep>ates u f ! ,creator1 to g ?r\gh ?ree grades to atta9 t sci5ce ( ,*ri/ian p]fection :i* is call$ my/icism2 we mu/ live 9 turn ! life ( ,purification1 ( ,illum9ation & ( ,unity--to jo9 ! uncreat$ ,good & be p\r$ out 9 ,him4 ,x matt]s little t ^! ?ree gr& phases ( ascetic exi/5ce subdivide !mselves into an inf9ity ( /ages2 :i* are degrees accord+ to ,sa9t ,bonav5ture1 dwell+ places accord+ to ,sa9t ,t]esa1 /eps accord+ to ,sa9t ,angela2 !y may v>y 9 l5g? & numb]1 accord+ to ! w ( ! ,"l & ! temp]am5t ( ^? :o g ?r\gh !m4 ,x is n disput$ t ! j\rney ( ! s\l t[>ds ,god includes1 fir/1 p]p5dicul> & breakneck roads--^! are ! roads ( ! life ( ,purification--next1 n>r[] pa?s /ill1 b well m>k$ out & accessible--^! are ! pa?s ( ! life ( ,illum9ation--at l5g?1 a wide road almo/ smoo?1 ! road ( ! life ( unity1 at ! end ( :i* ! s\l ?r[s itself into ! furnace ( ,love1 & falls into ! abyss ( ! mo/ adorable ,inf9ity6 ,on ! :ole1 ^! ?ree ways are successively res]v$ to ^? :o />t 9 ,*ri/ian asceticism1 to ^? :o practise x1 & f9ally to ^? :o atta9 to ! supreme end1 ! dea? ( self & ! life 9 ,god4 ,long1 pursu$ ! oblate1 ,i h plac$ my desires beyond ! horizon1 yet ,i progress little2 ,i am sc>cely dis5gag$ f ! life ( ,purification1 sc>cely4444 ,& y d n fe>--h[ %all ,i say--mat]ial infirmities1 = if at la/ y succe$ 9 atta9+ ! limits ( contemplation1 y risk ! ru9 ( y\r body = ev]4 ,exp]i5ce seems to %[1 9 effect1 t ! deifi$ s\l acts on ! con/itution & br+s incurable tr\bles4 ,! oblate smil$4 ,9 ! fir/ place ,i %\ld1 no d\bt1 fail to atta9 to ! la/ degree ( initiation1 ! extreme po9t ( my/icism2 !n1 suppos+ ,i atta9 x1 :at w\ld corporal accid5ts be 9 ! face ( su* results8 ,let me also assure y t ^! accid5ts are nei!r s frequ5t nor s c]ta9 z y seem to ?9k4 ,a man may be a great my/ic1 or an admirable sa9t1 & n be ! subject ( visible ph5om5a = ^? :o surr\nd him4 ,w\ld y n ?9k1 = example1 t levitation1 or ! flight ( bodies 9 ! air1 :i* seems to con/itute ! highe/ /ate ( rapture1 is "o ( ! r>e/8 ,:om c y quote to me8 ,sa9t ,t]esa1 ,sa9t ,*ri/9a ! ,admirable1 ,sa9t ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 ,dom9ic ( ,m>y ,jesus1 ,agnes ( ,bohemia1 ,m>g>et ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 ! ,bless$ ,gor>desca ( ,pisa1 & above all ,sa9t ,joseph ( ,cup]t9o1 :o rais$ himself at w f ! gr\nd4 ,b !y are t5 or tw5ty out ( ?\s&s ( ! elect6 ,& note well t ^! gifts d n prove _! sup]iority ov] o!r ,sa9ts4 ,sa9t ,t]esa decl>es expressly3 x mu/ n be imag9$ t anyone1 bless$ z he may be 9 ?is respect1 is bett] ?an ^? :o are n s bless$1 = our ,"l directs ea* "o accord+ to 8 p>ticul> ne$4 ,& !n ! doctr9e ( ! ,*ur* is se5 9 ! untir+ prud5ce %[n 9 ! canonization ( ! dead4 ,qualities & n extraord9>y acts decide ?is2 = ! ,*ur*1 miracles !mselves are only second>y pro(s1 = %e kn[s t ! ,_s ( ,evil imitates !m4 ,9 ! lives ( ! ,bless$ y w f9d1 too1 ! mo/ unusual de$s1 & m amaz+ ph5om5a ?an 9 ! biographies ( ! ,sa9ts4 ,^! ph5om5a h r h9d]$ ?an help$ !m4 ,aft] hav+ beatifi$ !m = _! virtues1 ! ,*ur* has put (f--& no d\bt = a long "t--_! promotion to ! sov]eign dignity ( ,sa9ts4 ,x is difficult1 on ! :ole1 to =mulate an exact !ory on ?is subject1 = if ! cause1 if ! m5tal action is ! same 9 all my/ics1 x diff]s a little1 z ,i h said1 accord+ to ,god's w & ! "* ( ! subjects2 ! diff]5ce ( sex (t5 *anges ! =m ( ! my/ic fl[1 ?\gh 9 ess5ce x nev] v>ies2 ! ru% ( ! ,_s f on ,high may produce diff]5t effects1 b is none ! less id5tical4 ,! only obs]vation we d>e make 9 ^! matt]s is t wom51 z a rule1 are m passive & less res]v$1 :ile m5 resi/ m viol5tly ! wi%es ( ,heav54 ,t makes me ?9k1 said ,durtal1 t ev5 9 religion !re are s\ls :i* seem to h mi/ak5 _! sex4 ,sa9t ,francis ( ,assisi1 :o 0 all love1 _h r ! fem99e s\l ( a nun1 & ,sa9t ,t]esa1 :o 0 ! mo/ att5tive ( psy*ologi/s1 _h ! virile s\l ( a monk4 ,we might correctly speak ( ,sa9t ,francis z a woman & ,sa9t ,t]esa z a man4 ,! oblate smil$4 ,to return to y\r "q1 he resum$1 ,i d n at all believe t illness c be ! necess>y consequ5ce ( ph5om5a ar\s$ by ! impetu\s =ce ( my/icism4 ,b look at ,sa9t ,colette1 ,lidw9e1 ,sa9t ,aldegonde1 ,jane-,m>y ( ! ,cross1 ,si/] ,emm]i* & h[ _m m :o pass$ _! exi/5ce1 half p>alyz$1 ^u a b$6 ,!y are a small m9ority4 ,besides1 ! ,sa9ts or ,bless$ ones ^: names y quote 7 victims ( sub/itution1 expiat+ ! s9s ( o!rs1 a "p ,god _h res]v$ to !m2 x is n1 !re=e1 surpris+ t !y 7 b$-ridd5 & cripples1 & 7 con/antly half dead4 ,no1 ! tru? is t my/icism c modify ! ne$s ( ! body1 )\t1 = all t1 hav+ mu* effect on1 or de/roy+ ! heal?4 ,i "k well1 y w\ld answ] me ) t t]rible phrase ( ,sa9t ,hildeg>de1 a phrase at once j & s9i/]3 '! ,"l dwells n 9 ! bodies ( ! heal?y & vigor\s1' & y might add1 ) ,sa9t ,t]esa1 t evils are m frequ5t 9 ! la/ ( ! ca/les ( ! s\l4 ,yes1 b ^! sa9ts hoi/ !mselves on ! summit ( life & reta9 ,god 9 a p]man5t mann] 9 _! c>nal %ell4 ,hav+ rea*$ ?is po9t1 nature1 too feeble to support a p]fect /ate1 gives way1 b1 ,i ass]t aga91 ^! cases are an exception & n a rule4 ,&1 alas1 su* maladies are n contagi\s4 ,i am q aw>e1 resum$ ! oblate1 aft] a pause1 t ! v exi/5ce ( my/icism is resolutely d5i$ by "s :o 9 consequ5ce c nev] admit ! possibility ( any influ5ce ov] ! bodily organs1 b ! exp]i5ce ( ?is sup]natural reality is f all "t1 & pro(s ab\nd4 ,let u take ! /oma* = example4 ,well1 "u ! heav5ly influ5ce1 x becomes trans=m$1 omits all e>?ly n\ri%m5t & consumes ! ,holy ,species only4 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a & ,angela ( ,foligno liv$ = ye>s exclusively on ! ,sacram5t2 & ?is gift devolv$ equally ^u ,sa9t ,colette1 ,sa9t ,lidw9e1 ,dom9ic ( ,p>adise1 ,sa9t ,columba ( ,rieti1 ,m>y ,bagnesi1 ,rose ( ,lima1 ,sa9t ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 ,"m ,agnes ( ,langeac & on _m o!rs4 ,"u ! div9e impress ! s5ses ( smell & ta/e pres5t$ no less /range metamorphoses4 ,sa9t ,philip ,nevi1 ,sa9t ,angela1 ,sa9t ,m>g>et ( ,cortona recogniz$ a special ta/e 9 unleav5$ bread1 :5 aft] ! consecration !re 0 no long] any :eat1 b ! v fle% ( ,*ri/4 ,sa9t ,pacomius knew h]etics by _! f\l smell2 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a1 ,sa9t ,joseph ( ,cup]t9o & ,"m ,agnes ( ,jesus discov]$ s9s by _! evil od\rs2 ,sa9t ,hil>ion1 ,sa9t ,lutg>de1 ,g5tilla ( ,rav5na1 c\ld tell m]ely by ! sc5t ( ^? :om !y met :at faults !y _h committ$4 ,& ! ,sa9ts !mselves1 :e!r liv+ or dead1 exhal$ p[]ful p]fumes4 ,:5 ,sa9t ,francis de ,paul & ,v5tur9i ( ,b]gamo (f]$ ! ,sacrifice !y smelt sweet4 ,sa9t ,joseph ( ,cup]t9o secret$ su* fragrant od\rs t 8 track c\ld be foll[$2 & sometimes x 0 dur+ illness t ^! aromas 7 diffus$4 ,! pus ( ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross & ( ! ,bless$ ,dide gave =? /rong & di/9ct sc5t ( lilies2 ,b>?ole1 ! t]ti>y1 gnaw$ to ! bones by leprosy1 gave out pleasant emanations1 & ! same 0 ! case ) ,lidw9e1 ,ida ( ,l\va91 ,sa9t ,colette1 ,sa9t ,humiliana1 ,m>ia-,victoria ( ,g5oa1 ,dom9ic ( ,p>adise1 ^: w\nds 7 boxes ( p]fume1 :5ce fre% sc5ts escap$4 ,& ?us we c enum]ate organs & s5ses "o aft] ano!r1 & decl>e m>vell\s effects4 ,)\t speak+ ( ^? fai?ful /igmata :i* op5 or %ut accord+ to ! ,prop] ( ! liturgical ye>1 :at is m a/\nd+ ?an ! gift ( bilocation1 ! p[] ( d\bl+ oneself1 ( be+ 9 two places at ! same "t1 at ! same mom5t8 ,& yet :at num]\s examples exi/ ( ?is incr$ible fact3 _m are celebrat$1 among/ o!rs ^? ( ,sa9t ,antony ( ,padua1 ,sa9t ,francis ,xavi]1 ,m>ie ( ,agr$a1 :o 0 at ! same "t 9 h] mona/]y 9 ,spa9 & 9 ,mexico :5 %e 0 prea*+ to infidels1 ,"m ,agnes ( ,jesus1 :o came to visit ,m4 ,oli] at ,p>is )\t leav+ h] conv5t at ,langeac4 ,&1 aga91 ! action f on ,high seems s+ul>ly en]getic :5 x takes hold ( ! c5tral organ ( circulation1 ! motor :i* drives ! blood into all p>ts ( ! body4 ,numb]s ( ! elect _h su* a burn+ he>t t ! l95 !y wore 0 s+$2 ! fire :i* consum$ ,ursula ,b59casa1 ! f\ndress ( ! ,!at9es1 0 s /rong t ?is sa9t brea!d columns ( smoke z soon z %e op5$ h] m\?2 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa dipp$ h] feet or h] h&s 9 ic$ wat] & ! wat] boil$2 sn[ melt$ r\nd ,sa9t ,pet] ( ,alcant>a1 &1 "o day :5 ! bless$ ,g]la* 0 cross+ a =e/ 9 ! dep? ( w9t] he advis$ 8 companion1 :o walk$ beh9d him1 & :o c\ld n g on1 z 8 legs 7 numb1 to put 8 feet into 8 foot/eps1 & imm$iately he ceas$ to feel cold4 ,i w add t c]ta9 ( ^! ph5om5a1 :i* make free?9k]s smile1 h be5 r5ew$ & h be5 v]ifi$ q rec5tly4 ,l95 scor*$ by ! fire ( ! he>t has be5 obs]v$ by ,dr4 ,imb]t-,g\rbeyre on ! /igmatiz$ ,palma d',oria1 & ph5om5a ( high my/icism1 :i* no sci5ce c expla91 7 wat*$ 9 ! case ( ,l\ise ,lateau1 m9ute by m9ute1 & not$ & controll$ by ,pr(essor ,rohl+1 ,dr4 ,lafebvre1 ,dr4 ,imb]t ,g\rbeyre1 ,dr4 de ,noe1 by m$ical delegates f all c\ntries4444 ,b "h we are1 said ! oblate2 excuse me1 ,i w g fir/ to %[ y ! way4 ,!y _h left ! enclosure z he spoke1 & cutt+ across ! fields1 rea*$ an imm5se f>m4 ,trappi/s b[$ respectfully z !y ent]$ ! c\rt y>d4 ,m4 ,bruno1 address+ himself to "o ( !m1 ask$ him to be good en\gh to take !m ov] ! prop]ty4 ,! lay bro!r took !m to ! cattle %$s1 !n to ! /ables1 !n to ! p\ltry y>d2 ,durtal1 :o 0 n int]e/$ 9 su* sights1 conf9$ himself to admir+ ! grace ( ^! good p4 ,no "o spoke1 b !y repli$ to que/ions by signs & w9ks4 ,b h[ d !y communicate ) ea* o!r8 ask$ ,durtal1 :5 !y 7 outside ! f>m4 ,y h j se52 !y correspond by signs2 !y h a simpl] alphabet ?an t ( ! deaf & dumb1 = ea* idea t !y may require to express = _! common "w is =ese54 ,?us ! ^w 'wa%' is translat$ by "o h& tapp+ on ! o!r2 ! ^w 'vegetable' by scrat*+ ! left =ef+]2 sleep is feign$ by lean+ ! head ^u ! fi/2 dr9k by rais+ a clos$ h& to ! lips4 ,& = m spiritual expressions !y employ a l me?od4 ,confession is translat$ by a f+] kiss$ & laid ^u ! he>t2 holy wat] by five f+]s ( ! left h& clasp$ on :i* a cross is made ) ! ?umb ( ! "r h&2 fa/+ by f+]s :i* close ! m\?2 ! ^w 'ye/]day' by turn+ ! arm back t[>ds ! %\ld]2 %ame by cov]+ ! eyes ) ! h&4 ,b suppos+ !y wi%$ to indicate me1 :o am n "o ( !mselves1 h[ w\ld !y set ab\t x8 ,!y w\ld use ! sign ( 'gue/1' :i* !y make by /ret*+ out ! h& & br++ x ne> ! body4 ,t means t ,i come to !m f f>1 an op5 & ev5 transp>5t fact if y l4 ,!y w5t sil5tly along a walk :i* l$ d[n into ! lab\r fields4 ,i h n notic$ ,bro!r ,anacletus or old ,simeon among ^! monks1 exclaim$ ,durtal1 sudd5ly4 ,!y are n occupi$ on ! f>m2 ,bro!r ,anacletus is employ$ 9 ! *ocolate factory1 & ,bro!r ,simeon looks aft] ! pigs2 bo? are work+ 9 ! imm$iate neighb\rhood ( ! mona/]y4 ,if y l1 we w g & wi% ,simeon good-morn+4 ,& ! oblate add$1 ,y c tell !m1 :5 y g back to ,p>is1 t y h se5 a real sa9t1 su* z exi/$ 9 ! elev5? c5tury2 he c>ries u back to ! "t ( ,/4 ,francis ( ,assisi2 he is 9 "s s5se ! re9c>nation ( t a/oni%+ ,junip] ^: innoc5t exploits ! ,fioretti celebrate = u4 ,y "k t "w8 ,yes2 aft] ! ,gold5 ,leg5d x is ! book on :i* ! s\l ( ! ,middle ,ages is mo/ cle>ly impress$4 ,b to return to ,simeon2 ?is old man is a sa9t ( uncommon simplicity4 ,"h is "o pro( out ( a ?\s&4 ,sev]al mon?s ago ,i 0 9 ! prior's cell :5 ,bro!r ,simeon appe>$4 ,he made use ( ! ord9>y =mula 9 ask+ p]mission to speak1 ',b5$icite4' ,fa!r ,maxim9 repli$ ',dom9us1' & on ?is ^w1 :i* p]mitt$ him to speak1 ! bro!r %[$ 8 glasses & said he c\ld no long] see cle>ly4 ',t is n v surpris+1' said ! prior1 'y h be5 us+ ! same glasses = ne>ly t5 ye>s1 & s9ce !n y\r eyes may well h become weak]2 nev] m9d1 we w f9d ! numb] :i* suits y\r sight n[4' ,z he spoke1 ,fa!r ,maxim9 me*anically mov$ ! glass ( ! spectacles betwe5 8 h&s1 & sudd5ly he laugh$1 %[+ me 8 f+]s1 :i* 7 black4 ,he turn$ r\nd1 took a clo?1 clean$ ! spectacles1 & replac+ !m on ! bro!r's nose1 said to him1 ',d y see1 ,bro!r ,simeon8' ,& ! old man1 a/oni%$1 cri$ ',yes 444 ,i see6' ,b ?is is only "o side ( ?is good man4 ,ano!r is ! love ( 8 bea/s4 ,:5 a s[ is go+ to br+ =?1 he asks p]mission to pass ! night by h]1 & deliv]s h]1 look+ aft] h] l 8 *ild1 weeps :5 !y sell 8 little pigs or :5 ! big ones are s5t to ! slaught]-h\se6 ,& h[ all ! animals adore him6 ,truly1 ! oblate w5t on1 aft] a sil5ce1 ,god loves simple s\ls above all1 = he loads ,bro!r ,simeon ) graces4 ,alone1 "h1 he c reabsorb & ev5 prev5t ! demoniacal accid5ts :i* arise 9 cloi/]s4 ,!n we assi/ at /range p]=mances3 "o f9e morn+ all ! pigs fall on _! sides2 !y are ill & at ! po9t ( dea?4 ,simeon1 :o kn[s ! orig9 ( ^! evils1 cries to ! ,devil3 ',wait1 wait1 & y w see6' ,he runs = holy wat]1 & spr9kles !m ) x1 pray+ ! :ile1 & all ! bea/s :o 7 dy+ jump up1 frisk+ ab\t & wagg+ _! tails4 ,z = diabolic incursions into ! conv5t itself1 !y are b too real1 & sometimes are only driv5 back aft] p]si/5t pray]s & en]getic fa/+s2 at c]ta9 times 9 mo/ conv5ts ! ,demon s[s a h>ve/ ( hobgobl9s ( :om no "o kn[s h[ to get rid4 ,"h1 ! fa!r abbot1 ! prior1 & all ^? :o are prie/s h fail$2 x 0 necess>y1 to give efficacy to ! exorcisms1 t ! humble lay bro!r %\ld int]v5e2 s1 to =e/all new attacks1 he has obta9$ ! "r to wa% ! mona/]y ) holy wat] & to use pray]s :5ev] he ?9ks well to d s4 ,he has ! p[] ( feel+ :]e ! ,evil ,"o is hidd51 & he foll[s him1 tracks him1 & f9ally ca/s him out4 ,"h is ! pigg]y1 cont9u$ ,m4 ,bruno1 %[+ a tumble-d[n old place 9 front ( ! left w+ ( ! cloi/]1 surr\nd$ by palisades2 & he add$1 ,i w>n y1 ! old man grunts l a pig1 b he w n answ] y\r que/ions except by signs4 ,b he c speak to 8 animals8 ,yes1 to !m only4 ,! oblate op5$ a small door1 & ! lay bro!r1 all b5t1 lift$ 8 head ) difficulty4 ,good-day1 bro!r1 said ,m4 ,bruno2 "h is a g5tleman :o w\ld l to see y\r pupils4 ,!re 0 a grunt ( joy on ! lips ( ! old man4 ,he smil$ & invit$ !m by a sign to foll[ him4 ,he introduc$ !m into a %$1 & ,durtal recoil$1 deaf5$ by horrible cries1 suffocat$ by ! pe/il5tial heat ( ! liquid manure4 ,all ! pigs jump$ up beh9d _! b>ri]1 & h[l$ ) joy at ! sight ( ! bro!r4 ,peace1 peace1 said ! old man1 9 a g5tle voice2 & lift+ an arm ov] ! pal+1 he c>ess$ ! sn\ts :i*1 on smell+ him1 7 almo/ suffocat$ by grunt+4 ,he drew ,durtal aside by ! arm1 & mak+ him lean ov] ! trellis "w1 %[$ him an enorm\s s[ ) a snub nose1 ( ,engli% bre$1 a mon/r\s animal surr\nd$ by a company ( suck+ pigs :i* ru%$1 z if mad1 at h] teats4 ,yes1 my beauty2 g1 my beauty1 murmur$ ! old man1 /rok+ h] bri/les ) 8 h&4 ,& ! s[ look$ at him ) little langui%+ eyes1 & lick$ 8 f+]s2 %e end$ by scream+ abom9ably :5 he w5t away4 ,& ,bro!r ,simeon %[$ (f o!r pupils1 pigs ) e>s l ! m\? ( a trumpet & corkscrew tails1 s[s ^: /oma*s trail$ & ^: feet seem$ h>dly outside _! bodies1 new-born pigs :i* suck$ rav5\sly at ! teats1 l>g] ones1 :o delight$ 9 *as+ ea* o!r ab\t & roll$ 9 ! mud1 snort+4 ,durtal complim5t$ him on ! bea/s1 & ! old man 0 jubilant1 wip+ 8 face ) 8 great h&2 !n1 on ! oblate inquir+ ab\t ! litt] ( "s s[1 he felt 8 f+]s 9 a r[2 reply+ to ! obs]vation t ! animals 7 v gre$y1 by /ret*+ 8 arms to heav51 %[+ ! empty tr\ghs1 lift+ ends ( wood1 te>+ up tufts ( grass :i* he c>ri$ to 8 lips1 grunt+ z if he _h 8 muzzle full4 ,!n he took !m into ! c\rty>d1 plac$ !m aga9/ ! wall1 op5$ a door beyond1 & hid himself4 ,a =midable bo> pass$ l a wat]sp\t1 upset a :eelb>r[1 scatt]+ ev]y?+ r\nd him ) a noise l a %ell bur/+2 !n he broke into a gallop all r\nd ! c\rty>d1 & end$ by tak+ a head] into a sea ( liquid manure4 ,he wall[$1 turn$ head ov] heels1 kick$ ab\t ) 8 f\r feet 9 ! air1 & got up black & disgu/+ z ! inside ( a *imney4 ,aft] ?is he halt$1 grunt$ a *e]ful note1 & wi%$ to fawn on ! monk1 :o *eck$ him ) a ge/ure4 ,y\r bo> is spl5did6 said ,durtal4 ,& ! lay bro!r look$ on ,durtal ) moi/ eyes z he rubb$ 8 neck ) 8 h&1 sigh+4 ,t means !y are go+ to kill him soon1 said ! oblate4 ,& ! old man acquiesc$ ) a melan*oly %ake ( 8 head4 ,!y left him1 ?ank+ him = 8 k9dness4 ,:5 ,i ?9k ( h[ ?is be+1 :o is devot$ to ! l[e/ duties1 prays 9 *ur*1 ,i long to kneel be=e him &1 l 8 pigs1 kiss 8 h&s6 exclaim$ ,durtal aft] a sil5ce4 ,bro!r ,simeon is an angelic be+1 repli$ ! oblate4 ,he lives ! ,unitive life1 8 s\l plung$1 dr[n$ 9 ! div9e ess5ce4 ,"u a r\gh ext]ior an absolutely :ite s\l1 a s\l )\t s91 lives 9 ?is poor body2 x is "r t ,god %\ld spoil him6 ,z ,i h told y1 ,he has giv5 him all p[] ov] ! ,demon2 & 9 c]ta9 cases ,he all[s him also ! p[] ( heal+ by ! imposition ( h&s4 ,he has r5ew$ "h ! wond]ful cures ( ! anci5t sa9ts4 ,!y ceas$ speak+1 &1 w>n$ by ! bells :i* 7 r++ = ,vesp]s1 !y mov$ t[>ds ! *ur*4 ,&1 com+ to himself aga91 try+ to recov]1 ,durtal rema9$ a/\nd$4 ,mona/ic life ret>d$ "t4 ,h[ _m weeks _h he be5 at ,la ,trappe1 & h[ _m days s9ce _h he approa*$ ! ,sacram5ts8 t 0 lo/ 9 ! di/ance4 ,ah1 life 0 d\ble 9 ^! cloi/]s6 ,& yet he 0 n tir$ ( x2 he _h b5t himself easily to ! h>d rule1 &1 9 spite ( ! scanty meals1 he felt no sick heada*es or fail+2 he _h nev] felt s well6--b :at rema9$ 0 a feel+ ( /ifl+1 ( re/ra9$ sighs1 ?is burn+ melan*oly = h\rs1 &1 m ?an all1 ?is vague anxiety at li/5+ aga9 )9 himself1 & he>+ unit$ 9 8 p]son ! voices ( ?is ,tr9ity1 ,god1 ! ,devil1 & ,man4 ,?is is n ! peace ( ! s\l ,i dream$ (--& x is ev5 worse ?an at ,p>is1 he said to himself1 recall+ ! madd5+ trial ( ! ros>y--& yet--h[ c ,i expla9 x8 ,i am happy "h all ! same4 ,,*apt] ,v4 ,ris+1 some:at e>li] ?an 8 wont1 ,durtal w5t d[n to ! *apel4 ,! (fice ( ,mat9s 0 ov]1 b "s lay bro!rs1 among/ :om 0 ,bro!r ,simeon1 7 pray+ on _! knees on ! gr\nd4 ,! sight ( ?is holy sw9e-h]d ?rew ,durtal into a long tra9 ( ?\ght4 ,he tri$ 9 va9 to p5etrate into ! sanctu>y ( t s\l1 hidd5 l an invisible *apel beh9d ! dunghill ramp>t ( a body2 he did n ev5 succe$ 9 repres5t+ to himself ! docile & cl++ s\l ( ?is man1 :o _h atta9$ ! highe/ /ate to :i* ! human creature c rea* "h bel[4 ,:at a p[] ( pray] he has1 ?\ght he1 z he look$ at ! old man4 ,he rememb]$ ! details ( 8 int]view ! ev5+ be=e4 ,x is true1 he ?\ght1 t 9 ?is monk ,i f9d some?+ ( ! *>m ( t bro!r ,junip]1 ^: surpris+ simplicity has come d[n ?r\gh ! ages4 ,& he br\ght to m9d ! adv5tures ( t ,franciscan :om 8 companions left "o day by himself 9 ! conv5t1 tell+ him to prep>e d9n] aga9/ _! return4 ,junip] reflect$1 ,:at an am\nt ( "t is sp5t 9 prep>+ food6 ,! bro!rs :o take turns 9 t "w h n ev5 "t to pray--& desir+ to light5 ! "w ( ^? :o %\ld succe$ him 9 ! kit*51 he det]m9$ to cook su* pl5tiful di%es t ! community might d9e on !m = a =tnight4 ,he light$ all ! /oves1 procur$1 we are n told h[1 enorm\s boil]s1 fill$ !m ) wat]1 ?rew into !m1 pell-mell1 eggs ) _! %ells1 *ick5s ) _! fea!rs1 vegetables he _h neglect$ to trim1 & be=e a fire :i* w\ld roa/ an ox1 he ex]t$ himself to pile up & /ir ! ridicul\s jumble ( 8 /ock-pots4 ,:5 ! bro!rs came home1 & sat d[n 9 ! refectory1 he ran1 8 face br[n$ & 8 h&s burnt1 & joy\sly s]v$ up 8 /ew4 ,! sup]ior ask$ him if he 7 n mad1 :ile he rema9$ /upefi$ t no "o gobbl$ up ?is a/oni%+ mess4 ,he decl>$ 9 all humility t he ?\ght he 0 do+ a s]vice to 8 bre?r51 & only :5 he obs]v$ t s mu* food w\ld be wa/$1 did he weep hot te>s1 & decl>e himself a wret*2 he cri$ t he 0 good = no?+ b to spoil ! prop]ty ( ,almighty ,god1 :ile ! monks smil$1 admir+ ?is debau* ( *>ity1 & ! excess ( ,junip]'s simplicity4 ,bro!r ,simeon w\ld be humble en\gh & simple en\gh to r5ew aga9 su* spl5did jokes1 ?\ght ,durtal1 b bett] /ill ?an ! good ,franciscan1 he recalls ! memory ( t a/oni%+ ,sa9t ,joseph ( ,cup]t9o1 ( :om ! oblate spoke ye/]day4 ,he1 :o call$ himself bro!r ,ass1 0 a *>m+ & poor creature1 s mode/1 & s ignorant1 t he 0 turn$ away :]ev] he w5t4 ,he pass$ ?r\gh life1 ) op5 m\?1 ?ru/+ himself eag]ly aga9/ all ! cloi/]s t repuls$ him4 ,he w&]$ ab\t unable to p]=m ev5 ! l[e/ tasks4 ,he 01 to use a popul> expression1 a regul> butt]-f+]s1 & broke :atev] he t\*$4 ,!y ord]$ him to g & fet* wat]1 & he w&]$ )\t und]/&+1 absorb$ 9 ,god1 & at ! end1 :5 no "o ?\ght ab\t x any m1 br\ght "s aft] a mon?4 ,a mona/]y ( ,capuc9s :i* _h receiv$ him1 got rid ( him4 ,he w5t 8 way1 vaguely1 out ( 8 orbit among ! t[ns1 /umbl$ into ano!r conv5t :]e he employ$ himself 9 tak+ c>e ( ! animals1 :om he ador$1 & he rose into a p]petual ec/asy1 reveal+ himself z ! mo/ s+ul> ( wond] work]s1 putt+ ! demons to flight1 & heal+ ! sick4 ,he 0 at once idiotic & sublime2 9 ! hagiography he /&s alone1 & seems to figure !re to furni% a pro( t ! s\l is id5tifi$ ) ,et]nal ,wisdom1 r by ignorance ?an by sci5ce4 ,he also loves animals1 said ,durtal to himself1 z he look$ at old ,simeon2 & he too puts to flight ! ,evil ,"o1 & works cures by 8 sanctity4 ,9 a "t :5 all m5 are exclusively haunt$ by ! ?\ghts ( luxury & lucre1 ! s\l appe>s extraord9>y :5 dive/$ ( its b>k1 z ! c&id & nak$ s\l ( ?is good monk4 ,he is eighty ye>s old & m1 & he has l$ f 8 y\? up ! re/rict$ life ( ! ,trappi/s2 he probably does n "k 9 :at "t he lives1 nor :at latitudes he inhabits1 :e!r he is 9 ,am]ica or 9 ,france1 = he has nev] read a newspap]1 & outside rum\rs d n rea* him4 ,he does n ev5 "k ! ta/e ( fle% meat or w9e2 he has no notion ( money1 ( :i* he does n suspect ! value nor ! appe>ance2 he does n imag9e h[ a woman is made2 & save = ! bre$+ ( 8 pigs1 he p]haps _c ev5 guess ! mean+ & ! consequ5ces ( ! s9 ( ! fle%4 ,he lives alone r+$ r\nd by sil5ce1 & buri$ 9 ! %ade2 he m$itates on ! mortifications ( ! ,fa!rs 9 ! ,des]t1 :i* are read to him z he eats1 & ! fr5zy ( _! fa/s makes him a%am$ ( 8 mis]able repa/1 & he accuses himself t he is s well to d4 ,ah6 ?is ,fa!r ,simeon is innoc5t2 he kn[s no?+ t we "k1 & kn[s t ( :i* all o!rs are ignorant2 8 education has be5 tak5 9 h& by ! ,"l ,himself1 :o tea*es him tru?s :i* we _c compreh5d1 models 8 s\l aft] heav51 infuses ,himself into him1 possesses him1 & deifies him 9 ! union ( ,bless$ness4 ,?is puts u some:at at a di/ance f hypocrites & dev\t p]sons2 z f> inde$ z mod]n ,ca?olicism is f ,my/icism1 = c]ta9ly t religion is z grovell+ on ! gr\nd z ,my/icism is high6 ,& t is true4 ,in/ead ( direct+ all our =ces to t unkn[n end1 ( tak+ our s\l to fa%ion x 9 t =m ( a dove :i* ! ,middle ,ages gave to ! pyxes2 in/ead ( mak+ x ! %r9e :]e ! ,ho/ reposes 9 ! v image ( ! ,holy ,_s1 ! ,ca?olic conf9es himself to try+ to conceal 8 consci5ce1 to deceive 8 ,judge by ! fe> ( a salut>y hell2 he acts n by *oice1 b by fe>3 he ) ! aid ( 8 cl]gy1 & ! help ( 8 imbecile lit]ature1 & 8 feeble press1 has made ( religion a m]e feti%ism1 a ridicul\s wor%ip compos$ ( /atuettes & alms boxes2 c&les & *romo-li?ographs2 he has mat]ializ$ ! ideal ( ,love1 9 inv5t+ an entirely physical devotion to ! ,sacr$ ,he>t4 ,:at bas5ess ( conception6 cont9u$ ,durtal1 :o _h come out ( ! *apel1 & 0 /roll+ along ! bank ( ! great pond4 ,he look$ at ! re$s1 :i* b5t l an h>ve/ /ill gre51 "u a puff ( w9d2 !n he half saw z he leant =w>d1 an old boat1 :i* bore almo/ effac$ on its bluei% hull ! "n ,alleluia4 ,?is b>k disappe>$ "u ! tufts ( leaves r\nd :i* 7 tw9$ ! bells ( ! convolvulus1 a symbolic fl[]1 s9ce x wid5s out l a *alice1 & has ! dead :ite ( a waf]4 ,! sc5t ( ! wat]1 at once entic+ & bitt]1 intoxicat$ him4 ,ah6 he ?\ght1 happ9ess c]ta9ly consi/s 9 be+ re/rict$ to a place closely lock$1 a prison v conf9$1 or a *apel always op51 & he caught himself up3 ,ah6 !re is ,bro!r ,anacletus2 ! lay bro!r 0 com+ t[>ds him1 b5d+ "u a hamp]4 ,he pass$ be=e ,durtal1 smil+ at him ) 8 eyes3 & :ile he w5t 8 way1 ,durtal ?\ght1 ,?is man is a true fri5d ( m9e2 :5 ,i 0 suff]+ s mu* be=e my confession1 he express$ all to me 9 a look4 ,to-day :5 he believes me s]5]1 & m joy\s1 he is cont5t1 & %[s x to me by a smile2 & ,i %all nev] speak to him1 ,i %all nev] ?ank him1 ,i %all nev] ev5 "k :o he is1 ,i %all p]haps nev] ev5 see him aga94 ,9 leav+ ?is place1 ,i %all keep a fri5d1 = :om ,i too feel affection2 yet nei!r ( u has ev5 ex*ang$ a ge/ure ) ! o!r4 ,aft] all1 he ?\ght1 does n ?is absolute res]ve make our fri5d%ip m p]fect8 x is /amp$ 9 ! et]nal di/ance1 x rema9s my/]i\s & incomplete1 & m c]ta94 ,:ile ?9k+ ov] ^! reflections1 ,durtal w5t t[>ds ! *apel1 :]e ! ,(fice call$ him1 & !nce to ! refectory4 ,he 0 surpris$ to f9d ! table laid only = "o4 ,:at has happ5$ to ,m4 ,bruno8 ,yet ,i may z well wait a :ile1 & to kill "t1 he occupi$ himself by read+ a pr9t$ c>d1 hung ^u ! wall4 ,x 0 a sort ( adv]tisem5t :i* began ?us3 ,,et]nity4 ,fell[ s9n]s1 y w die4 ,be ye always ready4 ,wat* !n1 pray )\t ceas+1 nev] =get ! ,f\r ,la/ ,?+s :i* y see "h trac$ ,dea?1 ! gate ( ,et]nity1 ,judgm5t1 :i* decides ,et]nity1 ,hell1 ! abode ( unhappy ,et]nity1 ,p>adise1 ! abode ( bless$ ,et]nity4 ,fa!r ,eti5ne int]rupt$ ,durtal1 tell+ him t ,m4 ,bruno _h gone to ,sa9t ,l&ry to make "s pur*ases1 & w\ld only return at b$-"t at eight o'clock4 ,d9e !n )\t wait+1 & make ha/e1 or all y\r di%es w be cold4 ,& h[ is ! fa!r abbot8 ,bett]1 he keeps 8 room /ill1 b he hopes to be able to come d[n a :ile1 ! day aft] to-morr[1 & assi/ at lea/ at "s ( ! (fices4 ,& ! monk b[$ & disappe>$4 ,durtal seat$ himself at table1 ate "s bean bro?1 swall[$ a s(t-boil$ egg & a spoonful ( w>m beans1 !n once outside1 he pass$ along ! *apel1 ent]$ x1 & knelt be=e ! alt> ( ! ,virg92 b at once ! _s ( blasphemy fill$ him2 he wi%$1 :atev] x co/ him1 to insult ! ,virg92 x seem$ to him t he w\ld exp]i5ce a %>p joy1 an acute pleasure 9 soil+ h]2 b he re/ra9$ himself1 he wr9kl$ 8 face n to all[ ! coal-heav]'s abuse1 :i* 0 on 8 lips1 to escape4 ,& he dete/$ ^! abom9ations2 he revolt$ aga9/ !m1 /rove aga9/ !m ) horror2 & ! impulse became s irresi/ible1 t 9 ord] to keep sil5ce he 0 oblig$ to bite 8 lips till !y bl$4 ,?is is some:at /rong1 he said1 to he> grumbl+ 9 oneself1 ! contr>y ( :at "o is ?9k+2 b he _h ne$ to call to 8 help all 8 w1 he felt t he %\ld yield1 & spit out all ^! impurities2 :]e=e he fl$1 ?9k+1 t %\ld he f9d no means ( resi/ance1 x 7 bett] to vomit ?is fil? 9 ! c\rt r ?an 9 ! *ur*4 ,& s soon z he quitt$ ! *apel ?is madness ( blasphemy ceas$2 he walk$ along ! pond a/oni%$ by ! /range viol5ce ( ! attack4 ,little by little !re came to him ! unexpla9$ intuition ( a dang] t m5ac$ him4 ,z a bea/ t sc5ts a hidd5 enemy1 he look$ ) precaution )9 himself1 & end$ by see+ a black po9t on ! horizon ( 8 s\l1 & sudd5ly1 be=e he _h "t to reconnoitre1 & take acc\nt ( ! dang] he saw aris+1 ?is po9t ext5d$1 & cov]$ him ) its %ad[2 !re 0 no m light 9 him4 ,he _h t m9ute ( unre/ :i* prec$es ! /orm1 & 9 ! anxi\s sil5ce ( 8 be+1 argum5ts fell l drops ( ra94 ,! pa9ful effects ( ! ,sacram5t ju/ifi$ !mselves1 _h he n proce$$ 9 su* a way t 8 communion c\ld n b be unfai?ful8 ,evid5tly2 in/ead ( collect+ & /ra9+ himself1 he _h pass$ an aft]noon ( revolt & ang]2 ! v ev5+ be=e he _h unwor?ily judg$ an ecclesia/ic ^: only wrong 0 t he took pleasure 9 ! vanity ( easy jokes4 ,_h he confess$ ?is inju/ice1 & ^! revolts8 ,n ! lea/ 9 ! _w2 & aft] ! communion /ill less2 _h he1 z he %\ld h done1 %ut himself up alone ) 8 ,gue/8 ,he _h ab&on$ ,him1 )\t ?9k+ m ( ,him2 _h quitt$ 8 inn]mo/ cell1 _h tak5 a walk 9 ! wood1 _h n ev5 be5 pres5t at ! ,(fices4 ,b come1 come1 ?is blame is fooli%4 ,i communicat$1 j z ,i 01 on ! =mal ord] ( ! confessor2 z = ! walk1 ,i did n ask = x nor wi% = x4 ,m4 ,bruno1 9 agreem5t ) ! abbot ( ,la ,trappe1 decid$ x w\ld d me good2 ,i h !n no?+ to reproa* myself )2 ,i am blameless4 ,?is does n prove t y w\ld n h done bett] to sp5d ! day 9 pray]1 9 ! *ur*4 ,b1 he cri$1 ) su* a sy/em "o c\ld n move1 "o c\ld n eat1 nor sleep1 = "o %\ld nev] leave ! *ur*4 ,!re mu/ be "t = ev]y?+1 or ! devil take x all6 ,no d\bt1 b a m dilig5t s\l w\ld h refus$ t excursion1 j because x 0 pleasant2 w\ld h avoid$ x1 out ( mortification1 9 a _s ( p5ance4 ,evid5tly1 b 444 ^! scruples tortur$ him2 ! fact is1 he said1 ,i might h employ$ my aft]noon m :olesomely ?an t2 to believe t he _h sp5t x ill 0 b a /ep1 & he made x4 ,he pelt$ himself = an h\r1 sweat+ ) agony1 heap+ on himself imag9>y s9s1 & ent]+ s f> on t road t he end$ by sudd5ly realiz+ 8 position & und]/&+ he 0 out ( ! "r track4 ,! /ory ( ! ros>y return$ to 8 memory1 & !n he blam$ himself = all[+ himself to be aga9 driv5 into a corn] by ! demon4 ,he began to brea! aga91 to rega9 8 foot+1 :5 o!r attacks equally =midable pres5t$ !mselves4 ,x 0 no long] an ins9uation ( argum5ts :i* ran drop by drop1 b a furi\s ra91 :i* ?rew itself l an avalan*e on 8 s\l4 ,! /orm1 ( :i* ! wave ( scruples 0 only ! prelude1 bur/ 9 its fulness2 & 9 ! panic ( ! fir/ mom5t1 9 ! viol5ce ( ! tempe/1 ! enemy unmask$ 8 batt]ies1 & /ruck him to ! he>t4 ,he _h got no good f t communion1 b he 0 also too "y at x4 ,ah6 inde$1 0 he to believe t because a prie/ utt]$ five ,lat9 words ov] a bit ( unleav5$ bread1 t bread 0 transub/antiat$ into ! fle% ( ,*ri/8 ,t a *ild %\ld accept su* nons5se1 might be possible1 b t a man pa/ =ty %\ld li/5 to su* =midable %ams1 0 excessive2 almo/ disquiet+4 ,& ^! ins9uations la%$ him l hail %[]s3 h[ c\ld bread made ( :eat be=e1 h only ! appe>ance ( :eat aft]w>ds2 :at is fle% t is nei!r se5 nor felt2 :at is a body1 :i* has su* ubiquity z to be at ! same "t on ! alt>s ( div]s c\ntries2 :at is t p[] :i* is annihilat$ :5 ! ,ho/ is n made ( pure :eat8 ,& ?is became a regul> deluge :i* ov]:elm$ him1 & yet l an imp5etrable pile1 t ,fai? he _h acquir$ )\t ev] hav+ kn[n h[1 rema9$ immovable1 disappe>$ "u torr5ts ( int]rogation1 b nev] /irr$4 ,he revolt$1 & said to himself3 ,?is only proves t ! sacram5tal d>kness ( ! ,eu*>i/ _c be s\nd$4 ,moreov]1 if x 7 intelligible1 x w\ld n be div9e4 ,if ! ,god :om we s]ve c\ld be compreh5d$ by reason1 ,he c\ld n be wor? ! tr\ble ( s]v+1 said ,taul]2 & ! ',imitation' decl>es pla9ly also at ! end ( ! ,i,vth book t if ! works ( ,god 7 su* z man's intellig5ce c\ld easily grasp1 !y w\ld cease to be m>vell\s1 & c\ld n be qualifi$ z ineffable4 ,& a mock+ voice repli$1 ,t is :at y call answ]+1 av[+ t !re is no?+ to answ]4 ,9 fact1 said ,durtal1 :o reflect$1 ,i h be5 pres5t at spirituali/ic exp]i5ces1 :]e no trick]y 0 possible4 ,x 0 q evid5t t !re 0 no fluid f ! spectators1 no sugge/ion ( p]sons surr\nd+ ! table :o dictat$ ! responses2 !n 9 giv+ its raps1 ! table express$ itself sudd5ly 9 ,engli%1 ?\gh no "o spoke t language1 !n a few m9utes lat]1 address+ itself to me1 :o 0 at a di/ance f x1 & consequ5tly 0 n t\*+ x1 x told me ?is "t 9 ,fr5*1 facts :i* ,i _h =gott51 & ,i alone c\ld "k4 ,i am !n c]ta9ly oblig$ to suppose an elem5t ( ! sup]natural1 us+ a table 9 guise ( an int]pret]1 to accept if n ! evocation ( ! dead1 b at lea/ ! prov$ exi/5ce ( gho/s4 ,!n x is n m impossible1 m surpris+ t ,*ri/ %\ld sub/itute ,himself = a piece ( bread1 ?an t a gho/ %\ld hide & brag 9 ! foot ( a table4 ,^! ph5om5a equally put our s5ses to r\t2 b if "o ( !m be und5iable1 & spirituali/ic manife/ation c]ta9ly is s1 :at motives c we invoke to d5y ! o!r1 :i* is moreov] atte/$ by ?\s&s ( sa9ts8 ,aft] all1 he w5t on ) a smile1 we h already demon/ration by ! absurd1 b ?is may be call$ demon/ration by ! abject1 = if ! ,eu*>i/ic my/]y is sublime1 x is n ! same ) spiritualism1 :i* is aft] all only ! latr9e ( ! sup]natural6 ,if ?is 7 ! only enigma1 began ! voice aga91 b all ! ,ca?olic doctr9es are on ! same model2 exam9e religion f its bir?1 & see if x d n always issue by an absurd dogma4 ,"h is a ,god1 inf9itely p]fect1 inf9itely good1 a ,god :o is n ignorant ( pa/1 pres5t1 or future4 ,he knew !n t ,eve w\ld s92 !re=e ( two ?+s1 "o2 ei!r ,he is n good1 9 t ,he submitt$ h] to t pro( kn[+ t %e _h n p[] to /& x2 or aga91 ,he 0 n c]ta9 ( h] defeat2 9 t case ,he is n omnisci5t1 ,he is n p]fect4 ,durtal gave no answ] to ?is dilemma2 :i* is 9 fact difficult to resolve4 ,yet1 he ?\ght1 we may at once exclude "o ( ^! two propositions1 ! latt]2 = x is *ildi% to conc]n ourselves ab\t ! future1 :5 we h to d ) ,god2 we judge ,him by our mis]able und]/&+1 & !re is = ,him nei!r pres5t nor pa/1 nor future2 ,he sees !m all at ! same mom5t 9 light uncreate4 ,= ,him di/ance has no figure1 & space is n\ght4 ,x is consequ5tly impossible to d\bt t ! ,s]p5t w conqu]4 ,?is amputat$ dilemma is !n out ( ord]4 ,be x s1 b ! o!r alt]native rema9s2 :at d y make ( ,8 goodness8 ,8 goodness8 ,& ,durtal _h ne$ to repeat aga9 ! argum5ts drawn f free w1 & ! promis$ com+ ( ! ,savi\r2 & he 0 oblig$ to admit t ^! answ]s 7 weak4 ,& ! voice became m press+1 ,!n y admit orig9al s98 ,i am oblig$ to admit x1 because x exi/s4 ,:at are h]$ity & atavism1 save1 "u ano!r "n1 ! t]rible s9 ( ! beg9n+8 ,& does x appe> to y j t innoc5t g5]ations %\ld make am5ds n[ & always = ! s9 ( ! fir/ man8 ,& z ,durtal did n reply1 ! voice ins9uat$ g5tly1 ,?is law is s iniquit\s t x seems z if ! ,creator 7 a%am$ ( x1 & t 9 ord] to puni% ,himself = ,8 f]ocity1 & n to make ,himself = ev] execrat$ by ,8 creature1 ,he wi%$ to suff] on ! ,cross1 & expiate ,8 crime 9 ! p]son ( ,8 own ,son4 ,b1 cri$ ,durtal1 exasp]at$1 ,god c\ld n commit a crime & puni% ,himself3 7 t s1 ,jesus w\ld be ! ,r$eem] ( ,8 ,fa!r1 & n ours2 x is madness6 ,little by little he recov]$ 8 balance2 he recit$ sl[ly ! ,apo/les' ,cre$1 :ile ! objections :i* demoli%$ x1 press$ "o aft] ! o!r )9 him4 ,!re is "o fact c]ta91 he said to himself1 = 9 all ?is tumult1 he 0 p]fectly lucid1 t = ! mom5t we are two p]sons 9 "o4 ,i c foll[ my reason+s1 & ,i he> on ! o!r side1 ! sophisms my d\ble brea!s 9 me4 ,?is duality has nev] appe>$ s cle> to me4 ,& ! attack grew feebl]1 on ?is reflection2 x might h be5 believ$ t ! enemy n[ discov]$ 0 beat+ a retreat4 ,b no?+ ( ! k9d2 aft] a %ort truce1 ! assault began aga9 on ano!r po9t4 ,are y v sure t y h n sugge/$ & %[n ! bl[ to y\rself8 ,by hav+ wi%$1 y h end$ by begett+ belief1 & by implant+ 9 y\rself a fix$ idea1 disguis$ "u ! "n ( grace1 r\nd :i* ev]y?+ n[ cl+s4 ,y compla9 t y did n exp]i5ce s5sible joys aft] y\r communion2 ?is simply proves t y 7 n c>eful en\gh1 or t1 tir$ by ! excess ( ! ev5+ be=e1 y\r imag9ation %[$ itself unready to play ! infatuat+ fairy /ory y expect$ f y\rself aft] ! mass4 ,moreov]1 y ought to "k t 9 ^! que/ions all dep5ds on ! m or less fev]i% activity ( ! bra9 & ! s5ses2 see :at takes place 9 ! case ( wom51 :o deceive !mselves m easily ?an m52 = t aga9 decl>es ! diff]5ce ( con=mations1 ! v>iety betwe5 ! sexes2 ,*ri/ gives ,himself c>nally "u ! appe>ances ( bread2 t is my/ical m>riage1 ! div9e union consummat$ by ! way ( ! lips2 ,he is inde$ ! sp\se ( wom51 :ile we m51 )\t will+ x1 by ! v lode/one ( our nature1 are m attract$ by ! ,virg94 ,b %e does n give h]self1 l h] ,son1 to u2 %e does n reside 9 ! ,sacram5t2 possession is 9 h] case impossible2 %e is our ,"m1 b %e is n our ,sp\se1 z he is ! ,sp\se ( virg9s4 ,we conceive1 !re=e1 t wom5 are m viol5tly dup$1 t !y adore bett]1 & imag9e m easily ! m !y are pett$4 ,moreov]1 ,m4 ,bruno said to y ye/]day1 ',woman is m passive1 less rebelli\s to ! action ( ,heav5 444' ,well1 :at has t to d ) me2 :at does t prove8 t ! m we love ! bett] we are lov$3 b if t axiom is false1 f ! e>?ly po9t ( view1 x is c]ta9ly exact f ! div9e po9t ( view2 :i* w\ld be mon/r\s1 & w\ld come to ?is1 t ! ,"l w\ld n treat ! s\l ( a ,poor ,cl>e bett] ?an m9e4 ,!re 0 aga9 a "t ( re/1 & ! attack turn$ & ru%$ on a new place4 ,!n y believe 9 an et]nal hell8 ,y suppose a ,god m cruel ?an y\rself1 a ,god :o has creat$ p1 )\t _! hav+ be5 consult$1 )\t _! hav+ ask$ to be born2 & aft] hav+ suff]$ dur+ _! exi/5ce1 !y w be aga9 puni%$ )\t m]cy aft] _! dea?2 b consid]1 if y 7 to see y\r wor/ enemy 9 torture1 y w\ld be tak5 by pity1 & w\ld ask p>don = him4 ,y w\ld p>don1 & ! ,almighty be implacable2 y w admit ?is is to h a s+ul> idea ( ,him4 ,durtal 0 sil5t2 hell go+ on inf9itely became 9 fact we>isome4 ,! reply t x is legitimate1 t puni%m5t %\ld be inf9ite1 because rew>ds are s1 0 n decisive1 s9ce inde$ x 7 ! prop]ty ( p]fect goodness1 to abridge ! *a/isem5ts & prolong ! joys4 ,b1 9 fact1 he said to himself1 ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa has elucidat$ ! "q4 ,%e expla9s v well t ,god s5ds a ray ( m]cy1 a curr5t ( pity into hell1 t no damn$ s\l suff]s z mu* z x des]ves to suff]2 t if expiation ought n to cease1 x may be modifi$1 & weak5$1 & become at l5g? less rigor\s1 less int5se4 ,%e rem>ks also1 t at ! mom5t ( its sep>ation f ! body1 ! s\l becomes ob/9ate or yields2 if x rema9 h>d5$ & %[s no contrition = its faults1 its guilt _c be remitt$1 s9ce1 aft] dea?1 free w subsi/s no m2 ! w :i* we possess at ! mom5t ( quitt+ ! _w rema9s inv>iable4 ,if1 on ! contr>y1 x does n p]si/ 9 ^? imp5it5t s5tim5ts1 a "p ( ! repression w no d\bt be remov$2 & consequ5tly is n devot$ to a cont9ual geh5na1 z t :i* delib]ately1 :ile !re is yet "t1 w n return to am5dm5t1 refuses 9 fact to lay aside its s9s4 ,let u add t accord+ to ! sa9t1 ,god does n ev5 make ! s\l empty to be nev] pollut$ by s91 = x goes !re ( itself2 x is l$ !re by ! v nature ( its s9s1 x fl+s itself 9 z into its own good2 is1 if "o may say s1 naturally engulf$ !re4 ,9 fact we may imag9e to ourselves a v small hell1 & a v l>ge purgatory2 may imag9e t hell is scantily peopl$1 is only res]v$ = cases ( r>e wick$ness1 t 9 reality ! cr[d ( dis9c>nate s\ls presses into ,purgatory & !re endures puni%m5ts proportion$ to ! misde$s x has will$ "h bel[4 ,^! ideas h no?+ :i* _c be su/a9$1 & !y h ! advantage ( be+ 9 accord ) ! ideas ( m]cy & ju/ice4 ,exactly1 repli$ ! voice 9 rail+ tones4 ,man !n w d well to con/ra9 himself2 he may /eal1 rob1 kill 8 fa!r1 & violate 8 daught]2 ! price is ! same2 provid$ he rep5t at ! la/ m9ute1 he is sav$6 ,b no1 contrition takes away ! et]nity ( puni%m5t only1 & n puni%m5t itself2 ev]yone mu/ be puni%$ or rew>d$ accord+ to 8 works4 ,he :o w be soil$ by a p>ricide or an ince/ w be> a *a/isem5t diff]5t 9 pa9 & l5g? to him :o has n committ$ !m2 equality 9 expiatory suff]+1 9 rep>ative pa91 does n exi/4 ,moreov] ?is idea ( a purgative life aft] dea? is s natural1 s c]ta91 t all religions assume x4 ,all consid] ! s\l is a sort ( air balloon1 :i* _c m\nt & atta9 its la/ end 9 space except by ?r[+ away its balla/4 ,9 ! religions ( ! ,ea/1 ! s\l is re-inc>ni/ic2 9 ord] to purify itself x rubs itself aga9/ a new body1 l a blade 9 s&/one tr\ghs1 to bright5 x4 ,= u ,ca?olics x und]goes no t]re/rial avat>1 b x light5s & sc\rs itself1 cle>s itself 9 ! ,purgatory1 :]e ,god trans=ms x1 draws x out1 extracts x little by little f ! dross ( its s9s1 till x c raise itself & lose itself 9 ,him4 ,to h done ) ?is irritat+ "q ( a p]petual hell1 :y n conceive t div9e ju/ice hesitates 9 ! majority ( cases to pron\nce inexorable decrees8 ,humanity is = ! mo/ "p compos$ ( unconsci\s rascals & fools1 :o d n take any c\nt ( ! rea* ( _! faults4 ,^! are sav$ by _! complete want ( compreh5sion4 ,z = o!rs :o rot1 kn[+ :at !y d1 !y are evid5tly m blamewor?y1 b society :i* hates sup]ior be+s takes on itself _! puni%m5t1 humiliates & p]secutes !m2 & x is !re=e all[$ u to hope t our ,"l w pity ^! poor s\ls s mis]ably pelt$ dur+ _! /ay ^u e>? by a horde ( fools4 ,!n !re is e advantage 9 be+ imbecile1 s9ce "o is sp>$ bo? on e>? & 9 heav58 ,ah6 c]ta9ly1 & yet 444 & yet4444 ,:at is ! good ( discussion1 s9ce we _c frame = ourselves ! lea/ idea ( ! inf9ite ju/ice ( a ,god8 ,moreov]1 ?is is en\gh1 ^! debates ov]:elm me4 ,he tri$ to di/ract 8 ?\ghts f ^! subjects1 & w\ld feign to break ! obsession1 betake himself to ,p>is2 b five m9utes _h n pass$ be=e 8 d\ble return$ to ! *>ge4 ,he ent]$ once m on t halt+ dilemma :i* _h s rec5tly assail$ ! goodness ( ! ,creator 9 reg>d to ! s9s ( man4 ,purgatory is !n exorbitant1 = aft] all1 said he1 ,god knew t man w\ld yield to temptations2 !n :y all[ !m1 & above all :y condemn !m8 ,is t goodness1 is t ju/ice8 ,b x is a sophism1 cri$ ,durtal1 gr[+ angry4 ,god has left to e man 8 lib]ty2 no "o is tempt$ beyond 8 p[]4 ,if 9 c]ta9 cases1 he all[s ! s$uction to ov]pass our means ( resi/ance1 x is to recall u to humility1 to br+ u back to ,him by remorse1 = o!r causes :i* we "k n1 :i* x is n ,8 bus9ess to %[ u4 ,!n probably ^? transgressions are appreciat$ 9 a diff]5t way to ^? :i* we h practis$ ) our full accord4 ,! lib]ty ( man6 x is a pretty ?+4 ,yes1 let u speak ( x1 & atavism1 & our surr\nd+s & diseases ( ! bra91 & ( ! m>r[4 ,is a man driv5 by ! impulses ( sickness1 ov]:elm$ by tr\bles ( ! g5]ative organs1 responsible = 8 acts8 ,b :at c be said if "u ^! conditions ^! acts are imput$ to him on high4 ,x is aft] all idiotic always to comp>e div9e ju/ice to man's tribunals2 = x is exactly ! contr>y2 human judgm5ts are (t5 s infam\s t !y atte/ ! exi/5ce ( ano!r equity4 ,r ?an ! pro(s ( a !odicy1 ! magi/rature proves ,god2 = )\t ,him1 h[ c be satisfi$ t in/9ct ( ju/ice s innate 9 ea* ( u1 t ev5 ! humble/ bea/ possesses x8 ,yet1 repli$ ! voice1 all ?is does n h9d] ! *ange ( "* accord+ z ! /oma* does its "w ill or well2 sl&]1 ang]1 envy are accumulat$ bile1 or faulty dige/ion2 good temp]1 joy1 come f a free circulation ( blood1 ! expansion ( ! body at w2 my/ics are anemo-n]v\s p2 y\r ec/atics are hy/]ical pati5ts badly-f$1 madh\ses are full ( !m2 !y dep5d on sci5ce :5 visions beg94 ,all at once ,durtal recov]$ himself1 ! mat]ial argum5ts 7 b little disquiet+1 = none c\ld rema9 /&+3 all conf\nd$ ! function & ! organ1 ! lodg] & ! lodg+1 ! clock & ! h\r4 ,_! ass]tions re/$ on no base4 ,to lik5 ! happy lucidity & unequall$ g5ius ( a ,sa9t ,t]esa to ! extravagances ( nymphomaniacs & o!r mad wom5 7 s obtuse1 s clumsy1 t x c\ld only raise a smile6 ,! my/]y w\ld rema9 complete2 no doctor has be5 able to discov] or c\ld discov] ! psy*e 9 ^? r\nd or fusi=m cells1 9 ! :ite matt] or grey sub/ance ( ! bra94 ,!y w\ld recognize m or less ju/ly ! organs :i* ! s\l uses to pull ! /r+s ( ! puppet1 :i* x is condemn$ to move1 b itself rema9s invisible2 x has gone1 :5 aft] dea? !y =ce op5 ! rooms ( its habitation4 ,no2 ^! newsmong]s h no effect on me1 ,durtal assur$ himself4 ,b does ?is "o d any bett]8 ,d y believe 9 ! utility ( life1 9 ! necessity ( ?is endless *a91 ?is t[age ( suff]+s1 to be prolong$ = ! mo/ "p aft] dea?8 ,true goodness w\ld h consi/$ 9 inv5t+ no?+1 creat+ no?+1 9 leav+ all z x 01 9 no?+ness1 9 peace4 ,! attack turn$ r\nd on itself1 & aft] app>5t v>iations1 return$ always to ! same />t+ po9t4 ,durtal l[]$ 8 head1 = ?is argum5t disma/$ him2 all ! replies :i* c\ld be imag9$ 7 rem>kably weak1 & ! lea/ feeble1 t :i* consi/s 9 d5y+ to ourselves ! "r to judge because we only see ! details ( ! div9e plan1 because we c possess no g5]al view ( x _c avail aga9/ t t]rible phrase ( ,s*op5hau]3 ,if ,god made ! _w ,i w\ld n be t ,god1 = ! mis]y ( ! _w w\ld break my he>t6 ,!re is no haggl+ 9 ! matt]1 he said to himself4 ,i c q und]/& t sorr[ is ! true dis9fectant ( s\ls1 yet ,i am oblig$ to ask myself :y ! ,creator has n inv5t$ a less atroci\s way ( purify+ u8 ,ah6 :5 ,i ?9k ( ! suff]+s %ut up 9 madh\ses1 & hospital w>ds1 ,i am revolt$1 & incl9$ to d\bt ev]y?+4 ,if1 aga91 grief 7 an antiseptic = future misde$s or a det]sive = pa/ faults1 "o might aga9 und]/&1 b n[ x falls indiff]5tly on ! bad & on ! good2 x is bl9d4 ,! be/ pro( is ! ,virg9 :o 0 )\t spot1 & :o _h n l h] ,son to expiate = u4 ,%e consequ5tly ought n to be puni%$2 yet %e too und]w5t at ! foot ( ,calv>y ! puni%m5t exact$ by ?is horrible law4 ,good2 b !n1 repli$ ,durtal1 aft] a sil5ce ( reflection1 if ! innoc5t ,virg9 has giv5 u an example1 by :at "r d we :o are culpable d>e to compla98 ,no2 we mu/ !re=e resolve to dwell 9 d>kness1 to live surr\nd$ by enigmas4 ,money1 love1 no?+ is cle>2 *ance if x exi/ is z my/]i\s z ,provid5ce1 & inde$ /ill m s2 x is inexplicable4 ,god is at lea/ an orig9 ( ! unkn[n1 a key4 ,an orig9 :i* is itself ano!r secret1 a key :i* op5s no?+6 ,ah6 x is irritat+1 he said to himself1 to be ?us h>ass$ 9 e s5se4 ,en\gh ( x2 besides ^! are que/ions :i* a !ologian is alone able to discuss2 ,i am un>m$1 ! game is n equal2 ,i w n answ] any m4 ,& he c\ld n b he> a vague laught] :i* arose 9 him4 ,he quitt$ ! g>d51 & direct$ 8 /eps t[>ds ! *apel1 b ! fe> ( be+ seiz$ aga9 by ! madness ( blasphemy turn$ him away f x4 ,kn[+ n :i!r to g1 he rega9$ 8 cell1 say+ to himself1 t he ought n to wrangle ?us2 yes1 b h[ c\ld he help he>+ ! cavils :i* rose he knew n :5ce8 ,he almo/ %\t$ al\d3 ,be sil5t1 let ! o!r speak6 ,:5 he 0 9 8 *amb] he desir$ to pray1 & fell on 8 knees at 8 b$side4 ,?is 0 abom9able2 = memories ( ,flor5ce recurr$ to him4 ,he rose1 b ! old ab]rations return$4 ,he ?\ght ( t creature1 h] /range ta/es1 h] mania = bit+ 8 e>s1 = dr9k+ toilet sc5ts 9 little glasses1 = nibbl+ bread & butt] ) cavi>e1 & dates4 ,%e 0 s wild1 & s /range2 a fool no d\bt1 b obscure4 ,& if %e 7 9 ?is room1 be=e y1 :at w\ld y d8 ,he /amm]$ to himself3 ,i w\ld try n to yield4 ,y lie2 admit !n t y w\ld s5d y\r conv]sion1 ! mona/]y1 all1 to ! devil4 ,he grew pale at ! ?\ght2 ! possibility ( 8 c[>dice 0 a puni%m5t4 ,to h communicat$1 :5 "o 0 no m c]ta9 ( ! future1 no m c]ta9 ( oneself1 0 almo/ a sacrilege1 he ?\ght4 ,& he became angry4 ,up till n[ he _h kept "r1 b ! vision ( ,flor5ce subdu$ him4 ,he ?rew himself1 9 desp]ation1 on a *air1 no long] kn[+ :at w\ld become ( him1 ga!r+ :at ( c\rage rema9$ to him to desc5d to ! *ur*1 :]e ! ,(fice 0 beg9n+4 ,he dragg$ himself !re1 & held himself d[n1 assail$ by fil?y temptations1 disgu/$ ) himself1 feel+ 8 w yield+1 w\nd$ 9 e "p4 ,& :5 he 0 9 ! c\rt he rema9$ ov]:elm$1 ask+ himself :]e he c\ld take %elt]4 ,e place _h become ho/ile to him2 9 8 cell 7 c>nal memories1 outside 7 temptations aga9/ ,fai?1 or r1 he cri$1 ,i c>ry ^! ) me always4 ,my ,god1 my ,god6 ,i 0 ye/]day s tranquil4 ,he /roll$ by *ance into an alley1 :5 a new ph5om5on arose4 ,he _h _h1 up to ?is h\r1 9 ! sky )9 him1 a ra9 ( scruples1 a tempe/ ( d\bts1 a ?und]/roke ( lu/2 n[ 0 sil5ce & dea?4 ,complete d>kness 0 )9 him4 ,he s\ght 8 s\l by grop+ = x1 & f\nd x in]t1 )\t consci\sness1 almo/ icy4 ,he _h a body liv+ & heal?y2 all 8 intellig5ce1 all 8 reason1 & 8 o!r p[]s1 8 o!r faculties1 7 b5umb$ little by little1 & /opp$4 ,9 8 be+ !re 0 manife/$ an effect at once analog\s & contr>y to t :i* cur>a produces on ! organism1 :5 x circulates 9 ! network ( ! blood2 ! memb]s are p>alyz$1 no pa9 is exp]i5c$1 b cold rises1 ! s\l ends by be+ seque/]$ alive 9 a corpse2 9 ?is case x 0 ! liv+ body t deta9$ a dead s\l4 ,h>ass$ by fe>1 he dis5gag$ himself ) a supreme ef=t1 he w\ld make a visit to himself1 see :]e he 01 & l a sailor :o desc5ds into ! hold 9 a %ip t has sprung a leak1 he _h to /ep backw>ds1 = ! gangway 0 cut1 ! /eps op5$ ^u an abyss4 ,9 spite ( ! t]ror :i* ru%$ ^u him1 he hung fasc9at$ ov] ! hole1 & by fix+ ! black po9t he di/+ui%$ appe>ances2 9 a light z ( eclipse 9 r>efi$ air1 he p]ceiv$ at ! basis ( himself ! panorama ( 8 s\l1 a des]t twilight on ! horizons t approa*$ ! night1 & "u ?is d\btful light !re seem$ some?+ l b>e fields1 a m>% heap$ ) rubbi% & c9d]s2 ! place ( ! s9s torn up by ! confessor rema9$ visible1 b besides ! dry d>nel ( dead vices :i* grew /ill1 no?+ budd$4 ,he saw himself exhau/$2 he knew t he _h no fur!r =ce to extirpate ! la/ roots1 & he fanci$ t he _h aga9 to s[ ! se$ ( virtues1 to till ?is arid soil1 manure ?is dead gr\nd4 ,he felt himself incapable ( all "w1 & _h at ! same "t ! conviction t ,god reject$ him1 t ,god w\ld aid him no m4 ,?is c]ta9ty tore him to pieces4 ,x c\ld n be express$1 = no?+ c\ld translate ! anxiety1 ! angui% ( a /ate ?r\gh :i* he mu/ h pass$ :o c\ld und]/& x4 ,! t]ror ( a *ild :o has nev] left its "m's petticoats1 & :o is des]t$1 )\t w>n+1 9 ! op5 c\ntry 9 a fog1 c\ld only give a ve/ige ( an idea ( x1 & aga9 by reason ( 8 age ! *ild aft] hav+ felt desolate w\ld end by gr[+ calm]1 by di/ract+ himself f 8 grief1 no long] see+ ! dang] :i* surr\nds him1 :ile 9 ?is /ate is dang]1 cl++ & absolute1 ! immovable ?\ght ( ab&onm5t1 ob/9ate fe>1 :i* no?+ dim9i%es1 no?+ appeases4 ,"o d>e n advance nor retreat2 r ca/ oneself on ! gr\nd1 ) b[$ head1 & wait ! end ( :at we "k n1 & be assur$ t ! m5aces we ignore1 & ^? at :i* we guess1 are remov$4 ,durtal 0 at ?is po9t2 he c\ld n return on 8 /eps1 = ! way he _h quitt$ horrifi$ him4 ,he w\ld r h di$ ?an return to ,p>is1 !re to beg9 aga9 8 c>nal exp]i5ces1 to live aga9 8 h\rs ( lib]t9age & lassitude2 b if he c\ld n aga9 retrace 8 road1 nei!r c\ld he advance1 = ! road end$ 9 a bl9d alley4 ,if e>? repuls$ him1 heav5 at ! same "t 0 clos$ = him4 ,he 0 ly+1 half on 8 side1 9 ! d>kness1 9 ! %ade1 he knew n :]e4 ,& ?is /ate 0 aggravat$ by an absolute failure to und]/& ! causes :i* br\ght him !re1 0 exagg]at$ by ! memory ( graces be=e receiv$4 ,durtal rememb]$ ! sweetness ( ! beg9n+1 ! c>ess ( ! div9e t\*es1 ! /eady progress )\t ob/acles1 ! enc\nt] ) a solit>y prie/1 8 be+ s5t to ,la ,trappe1 ! v ease ) :i* he b5t to ! mona/ic life1 ! absolution :i* _h su* truly s5sible effects1 ! rapid & cle> answ] t he might communicate )\t fe>4 ,& sudd5ly1 )\t 8 w1 he _h 9 fact fail$4 ,he :o _h till !n held him by ! h&1 refus$ to guide him1 ca/ him (f into ! d>kness )\t a ^w4 ,all is ov]1 he ?\ght2 ,i am condemn$ to float "h bel[1 l a waif :i* no "o wants2 no %ore is h5ce=w>d accessible1 = if ! _w refuses me1 ,i disgu/ ,god4 ,ah6 ,"l1 rememb] ! g>d5 ( ,ge?semani1 ! tragic defection ( ! ,fa!r :om ,?\ did/ implore 9 unspeakable pangs4 ,9 ! sil5ce :i* receiv$ 8 cry he gave way1 & yet he desir$ to react aga9/ ?is desolation1 endeav\r$ to escape f 8 despair2 he pray$1 & _h aga9 t v precise s5sation t 8 petitions did n c>ry1 7 n ev5 he>d4 ,he call$ h] :o sup]9t5ds allegiance1 ! ,m$iatrix ( p>don1 to 8 aid1 & he 0 p]suad$ t ! ,virg9 he>d him no long]4 ,he 0 sil5t & disc\rag$1 :ile ! %ade grew /ill m d5se1 & complete d>kness cov]$ him4 ,he did n !n suff] any long] 9 ! true s5se ( ! ^w1 b x 0 worse1 = ?is 0 annihilation 9 ! void1 ! gidd9ess ( a man :o is b5t ov] a gulf2 & ! scraps ( reason+ :i* he c\ld ga!r & knit toge!r 9 ?is break+ up1 end$ by bran*+ out into scruples4 ,he s\ght = any s9s :i* s9ce 8 communion might ju/ify su* a trial1 & he c\ld n f9d !m4 ,he ev5 tri$ to magnify 8 small faults1 enl>ge 8 want ( pati5ce2 he wi%$ to conv9ce himself t he _h tak5 a c]ta9 pleasure 9 f9d+ ! image ( ,flor5ce 9 8 cell1 & he tortur$ himself s viol5tly t he reanimat$ ! s\l1 :i* _h half fa9t$1 by ^! moxas1 & plac$ x aga91 )\t wi%+ x1 9 t acute /ate ( scruples1 9 :i* x 0 :5 ! crisis decl>$ itself4 ,& 9 ^! brawl+ reflections he did n lose ! sad faculty ( analysis4 ,he said to himself :ile gaug+ himself at a glance3 ,i am l ! litt] 9 a circus1 trodd5 d[n by all ! sorr[s :i* g & come to play _! p>ts4 ,d\bts ab\t ,fai?1 :i* seem$ to /ret* into e s5se1 turn$ 9 fact 9 ! same circle4 ,& n[ scruples1 f :i* ,i ?\ght myself fre$1 reappe> & c\rse ?r\gh me4 ,h[ %\ld he expla9 ?is8 ,0 he :o inflict$ ?is torture on him ! ,_s ( ,malice1 or ,god8 ,t he _h be5 bruis$ by ! ,evil ,"o 0 c]ta91 ! v nature ( 8 attacks %[$ 8 h&iwork1 b h[ c\ld ?is ab&onm5t ( ,god be expla9$1 = 9 fact1 ! ,demon c\ld n prev5t ! ,savi\r f assi/+ him1 & he 0 q oblig$ to conclude t if he 7 m>tyriz$ by ! "o1 ! ,o!r took no int]e/ 9 him1 let him be1 & retir$ f him completely8 ,?is c]ta9ty d$uc$ f precise obs]vations1 ?is reason$ assurance1 f9i%$ him4 ,he cri$ out f ! angui% ( x1 look+ at ! pond by :i* he 0 walk+1 wi%+ he might fall 91 ?9k+ t dea? by dr[n+ 7 pref]able to su* a life4 ,!n he trembl$ be=e ! wat] :i* attract$ him1 & c>ri$ away 8 sorr[s to ! *>m ( ! woods4 ,he tri$ to we> himself out by long walk+1 b he we>i$ himself )\t effect1 & he end$ by s9k+ d[n worn & brok5 at ! refectory table4 ,he look$ at 8 plate1 ) no c\rage to eat1 no desire to dr9k2 he brea!d h>d1 &1 exhau/$ z he 01 c\ld n keep 9 "o place4 ,he rose & w&]$ 9 ! c\rt till ,compl9e1 & !re 9 ! *apel1 :]e at lea/ he hop$ to f9d "s solace1 0 ! cr[n+ po9t ( all2 ! m9e w5t (f2 ! s\l1 sapp$ s9ce ! morn+1 explod$4 ,on 8 knees1 desolate1 he tri$ aga9 to invoke help1 & no?+ came2 he *ok$1 immur$ 9 s deep a tr5*1 "u a vault s ?ick1 t e appeal 0 /ifl$1 & no s\nd vibrat$4 ,)\t c\rage1 he wept ) 8 head 9 8 h&s1 & :ile he compla9$ to ,god t ,he _h br\ght him ?i!r to puni% him 9 a ,trappi/ mona/]y1 ignoble visions assail$ him4 ,fluids pass$ be=e 8 face1 & peopl$ ! space ) priapisms4 ,he did n see !m ) ! eyes ( 8 body1 :i* 7 9 no degree halluc9at$1 b p]ceiv$ !m outside him1 & felt !m )9 him2 9 a ^w1 ! t\* 0 ext]nal1 & ! vision int]nal4 ,he tri$ to gaze on ! /atue ( ,sa9t ,joseph1 be=e :i* he kept himself1 & to see no?+ b x1 b 8 eyes seem$ to revolve1 to see only )91 & 7 fill$ ) indec5cies4 ,x 0 a m$ley ( app>itions ) undecid$ outl9es1 & confus$ col\rs1 :i* ga9$ precision only 9 ^? p>ts covet$ by ! secul> infamy ( man4 ,& ?is *ang$ aga94 ,! human =ms vani%$4 ,!re rema9$ only1 9 invisible l&scapes ( fle%1 m>%es r$d5$ by ! fires ( :at sunset x 0 impossible to say1 m>%es %udd]+ "u ! divid$ %elt] ( ! grasses4 ,!n ! s5sual spot grew small] /ill1 b rema9$1 & ?is "t did n move2 x 0 ! gr[? ( an unclean flood1 ! spread+ ( ! daisy ( d>kness1 ! unfold+ ( ! lotos ( ! cav]ns1 hidd5 at ! bottom ( ! valley4 ,& !re1 burn+ gasps excit$ ,durtal1 enwrapp$ him1 /ifl$ him ) furi\s gasps :i* drank 8 m\?4 ,he look$ 9 spite ( himself1 unable to )draw himself f ! outrages impos$ by ^! violations1 b ! body 0 /ill & rema9$ calm1 :ile ! s\l revolt$ ) a groan2 ! temptation 0 !n ( no effect2 b if ! tricks only succe$$ 9 sugge/+ to him disgu/ & horror1 !y made him suff] beyond measure1 :ile !y delay$2 all ! days ( 8 %ameful exi/5ce came to ! surface1 all ^! enticem5ts to gre$y desires crucifi$ him4 ,jo9$ to ! sum ( sorr[s accumulat$ s9ce ! dawn1 ! ov]*>ge ( ^! sorr[s ov]:elm$ him1 & a cold sweat ba!d him f head to foot4 ,he 0 9 agony1 & sudd5ly1 z ?\gh he _h come to ov]look 8 m9i/]s1 & to see if 8 ord]s 7 c>ri$ out1 ! execution] himself ent]$ on ! sc5e4 ,durtal did n see him1 b felt him1 & x 0 indescribable4 ,s9ce he _h ! impression ( a real demoniac pres5ce1 8 :ole s\l trembl$ & desir$ to fly1 l a t]rifi$ bird t cl+s to ! w9d[-panes4 ,& x fell back exhau/$2 !n unlikely z x may appe>1 ! p>ts ( 8 life 7 inv]t$1 ! body 0 upright1 & held its own1 comm&+ ! t]rifi$ s\l1 repress$ ?is panic 9 a furi\s t5sion4 ,durtal p]ceiv$ v pla9ly & cle>ly = ! fir/ "t ! di/9ction1 ! sep>ation ( ! s\l f ! body1 & = ! fir/ "t also1 he 0 consci\s ( ! ph5om5on ( a body1 :i* _h s tortur$ its companion by its ne$s & wants1 to =get all its hatr$ 9 ! common dang]1 & h9d] h] :o resi/$ x1 ! habit ( s9k+4 ,he saw t 9 a fla%1 & sudd5ly all vani%$4 ,x seem$ t ! ,demon _h tak5 himself (f1 ! wall ( d>kness :i* encompass$ ,durtal op5$1 & light issu$ f all p>ts2 ) an imm5se impulse ! ,salve ,reg9a1 spr++ up f ! *oir1 swept aside ! phantoms1 & put ! gobl9s to flight4 ,! elevat$ cordial ( ?is *ant re/or$ him4 ,he took c\rage1 & began aga9 to hope t ?is frightful des]tion might cease2 he pray$1 & 8 petitions f\nd v5t2 he und]/ood t !y 7 at la/ he>d4 ,! ,(fice 0 at an end2 he ga9$ ! gue/-h\se1 & :5 he appe>$ s worn out & pale be=e ,fa!r ,eti5ne & ! oblate1 !y cri$3 ,:at is ! matt] ) y8 ,he sank on a *air1 & endeav\r$ to describe to !m ! t]rible ,calv>y he _h climb$4 ,?is has la/$1 he said1 = m ?an n9e h\rs2 ,i wond] t ,i h n gone mad2 & he add$1 ,yet ,i nev] c\ld h believ$ t ! s\l c\ld suff] s mu*4 ,! face ( ! fa!r 0 illum9at$4 ,he press$ ,durtal's h&s & said1 ,rejoice1 my bro!r1 y h be5 treat$ "h l a monk4 ,h[ is t8 said ,durtal1 surpris$4 ,yes1 ?is agony1 = !re is no o!r ^w to def9e ! horror ( ! /ate1 is "o ( ! mo/ s]i\s trials :i* ,god inflicts on u2 x is "o ( ! op]ations ( ! purgative life4 ,be happy1 = x is a great grace :i* ,jesus does to y4 ,& ?is proves t y\r conv]sion is good1 affirm$ ! oblate4 ,god6 ,b x 0 n ,he at any rate :o ins9uat$ d\bts ab\t ! ,fai?1 :o caus$ to be born 9 me t madness ( scruples1 :o rais$ 9 me t _s ( blasphemy1 :o c>ess$ my face ) disgu/+ app>itions4 ,no1 b ,he all[s x4 ,x is frightful1 ,i "k x1 said ! gue/-ma/]4 ,god conceals ,himself1 & h[ev] y may call on ,him1 ,he does n answ] y4 ,y ?9k y\rself des]t$1 yet ,he is v ne> y2 & :ile ,he effaces ,himself1 ,satan advances4 ,he twi/s y ab\t1 places a microscope ov] y\r faults1 8 malice gnaws y\r bra9 l a dull file1 & :5 to all ?is are jo9$1 to try y to ! utmo/1 impure visions4444 ,! ,trappi/ /opp$2 !n1 speak+ to himself1 he said1 sl[ly1 ,x w\ld be no?+ to be 9 pres5ce ( a real temptation1 ( a true woman 9 fle% & bone1 b ^! appe>ances on :i* imag9ation works1 are horrible6 ,& ,i us$ to ?9k !re 0 peace 9 ! cloi/]6 ,no1 we are "h on ?is e>? to /rive1 & x is j 9 ! cloi/] t ! ,l[e/ works2 !re1 s\ls escape him1 & he w at all price conqu] !m4 ,no place on e>? is m haunt$ by him ?an a cell1 no "o is m h>ass$ ?an a monk4 ,a /ory :i* is told 9 ! ,lives ( ! ,fa!rs 9 ! ,des]t1 is typical f ?is po9t ( view4 ,"o demon only 0 *>g$ to wat* a t[n2 & he w5t to sleep :ile two or ?ree hundr$ demons :o _h ord]s to gu>d a mona/]y _h no re/1 b behav$ !mselves1 "h is ! place = ! phrase1 l v devils4 ,& inde$1 ! mission to increase ! s9 ( ! t[ns is a s9ecure1 = ,satan holds !m1 ?\gh !y are n aw>e ( x2 all !n he has to d is to torm5t !m s z to take f !m tru/ 9 ,god1 s9ce all obey him )\t 8 tak+ ! lea/ tr\ble ab\t x4 ,& s he keeps 8 legions to besiege conv5ts :]e resi/ance is det]m9$4 ,& inde$1 y see ! way 9 :i* he conducts ! attack4 ,ah6 exclaim$ ,durtal1 x is n he :o makes y suff] ! mo/2 = :at is worse ?an scruples1 worse ?an temptations aga9/ purity1 or aga9/ ! ,fai?1 is ! suppos$ ab&onm5t ( ,heav52 no1 no?+ c describe t4 ,t is :at my/ical !ology calls '! ,night ,obscure1' answ]$ ,m4 ,bruno4 ,& ,durtal exclaim$1 ,ah6 n[ ,i am ) y2 ,i rememb]4444 ,t is :y ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross decl>es t x is impossible to describe ! sorr[s ( t night1 & :y he exagg]ates no?+ :5 he says1 t "o is !n plung$ alive into hell4 ,& ,i d\bt$ ! v]acity ( 8 books1 ,i accus$ him ( excess2 r he m9imiz$4 ,only "o mu/ h felt ?is oneself to believe x4 ,& y h se5 no?+1 ! oblate repli$ quietly2 y h pass$ ?r\gh ! fir/ portion ( t night1 ?r\gh ! night ( ! s5ses2 x is t]rible en\gh1 z ,i "k by exp]i5ce1 b x is no?+ 9 comp>ison ) ! ,night ( ! ,_s :i* sometimes succe$s x4 ,t is ! exact image ( ! suff]+s :i* our ,"l endur$ 9 ! ,g>d5 ( ,olives1 :51 sweat+ blood1 ,he cri$ at ! end ( ,8 =ce1 ',"l1 let ?is *alice pass f me4' ,?is is s t]rible 444 & ,m4 ,bruno 0 sil5t & grew pale4 ,:oev] has und]gone t m>tyrdom1 he said1 aft] a pause1 kn[s be=eh& :at awaits ! damn$ 9 ano!r life4 ,b1 said ! monk1 ! h\r ( b$-"t has /ruck4 ,!re exi/s b "o rem$y = all ^! evils1 ! ,holy ,eu*>i/2 to-morr[1 ,sunday1 ! community approa*es ! ,sacram5t2 y mu/ jo9 u4 ,b ,i _c communicate 9 ! /ate 9 :i* ,i am4444 ,well1 !n1 be up to-night1 at ?ree o'clock4 ,i w come = y to y\r cell1 & w take y to ,fa!r ,maxim91 :o confesses u at t "t4 ,& )\t wait+ = 8 answ]1 ! gue/-ma/] press$ 8 h& & w5t4 ,he is "r1 said ! oblate2 x is ! true rem$y4 ,& :5 he _h rega9$ 8 room1 ,durtal ?\ght1 ,i n[ und]/& :y ! ,abb ,gvres9 made su* a po9t ( l5d+ me ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross2 he knew t ,i %\ld ent] into ! ',night ,obscure'2 he did n d>e w>n me cle>ly1 = fe> ( al>m+ me1 & yet he w\ld put me on my gu>d aga9/ despair1 & aid me by ! remembrance "h ( t read+4 ,only h[ c\ld he ?9k t 9 su* a %ipwreck ,i %\ld rememb] any?+6 ,all ?is makes me ?9k t ,i h omitt$ to write to him1 & t to-morr[ ,i mu/ keep my promise by s5d+ him a lett]4 ,& he ?\ght aga9 ( ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1 t extraord9>y ,c>melite :o describ$ s placidly t t]rible phase ( ! my/ic g5esis4 ,he took c\nt ( ! lucidity1 ! p[] ( _s ( ?is sa9t1 expla9+ ! mo/ obscure vicissitude ( ! s\l & ! lea/ kn[n1 cat*+ & foll[+ ! op]ations ( ,god1 :o dealt ) t s\l1 press$ x 9 ,8 h&s1 squeez$ x l a sponge1 !n let x suck up aga91 fill itself out ) sorr[s1 !n wrung x aga92 mak+ x drip te>s ( blood to cleanse x4 ,,*apt] ,,vi4 ,no1 said ,durtal1 9 a :isp]1 ,i w n take ! place ( ^! good p4 ,b ,i assure y x is q ! same to !m4 ,& :ile ,durtal 0 /ill refus+ to g be=e ! lay bro!rs :o 7 wait+ _! turn = confession1 ,fa!r ,eti5ne insi/$3 ,i w /ay ) y1 & z soon z ! cell is free1 y w ent]4 ,durtal 0 !n on ! l&+ ( a /aircase on e /ep ( :i* 0 po/$ a bro!r kneel+ or /&+1 8 head wrapp$ 9 8 hood1 8 face turn$ to ! wall4 ,all 7 sift+ & closely exam9+ _! s\ls4 ,( :at s9s c !y really accuse !mselves8 ?\ght ,durtal4 ,:o kn[s8 he cont9u$1 p]ceiv+ ,bro!r ,anacletus1 8 head sunk on 8 brea/1 & 8 h&s jo9$1 :o kn[s if he does n reproa* himself = ! discreet affection he has = me2 = 9 mona/]ies all fri5d%ip is =bidd56 ,& he call$ to memory 9 ! ,way ( ,p]fection ( ,sa9t ,t]esa1 a page at once gl[+ & icy 9 :i* %e cries out on ! no?+ness ( human ties1 decl>es t fri5d%ip is a weakness1 & ass]ts cle>ly t e nun :o desires to see h] relations is imp]fect4 ,come1 said ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 :o int]rupt$ ^! reflections1 & pu%$ him t[>ds ! door ( ! cell out ( :i* a monk came4 ,fa!r ,maxim9 0 !re1 seat$ close to a prie-,dieu4 ,durtal knelt1 & told him briefly 8 scruples & /rifes ( ! ev5+ be=e4 ,:at has happ5$ to y is n surpris+ aft] a conv]sion2 inde$1 x is a good sign1 = ^? p]sons alone = :om ,god has views are submitt$ to ^! pro(s1 said ! monk sl[ly1 :5 ,durtal _h end$ 8 /ory4 ,& he cont9u$1 ,n[ t y h no m grave s9s1 ! ,demon endeav\rs to dr[n y by spitt+ at y4 ,9 fact1 9 ^! episodes ( malice at bay1 !re is = y temptation & no s94 ,y h1 if ,i may sum up :at y h said1 und]gone temptation ( ! fle%1 & ( ,fai?1 & y h be5 tortur$ by scruples4 ,let u leave on "o side ! s5sual visions2 su* z !y h be5 7 produc$ indep5d5tly ( y\r w1 pa9ful no d\bt1 b ineffectual4 ,d\bts ab\t ,fai? are m dang]\s4 ,/eep y\rself 9 ?is tru? t besides pray] !re exi/s b "o efficaci\s rem$y aga9/ ?is evil1 to despise x4 ,satan is pride2 despise him1 & at once 8 audacity gives way2 he speaks2 %rug y\r %\ld]s & he is sil5t4 ,y mu/ n discuss ) him2 h[ev] good a reason] y may be1 y w be wor/$1 = he is a mo/ tricky dialectician4 ,yes1 b :at c ,i d8 ,i d n wi% to li/5 to him1 b ,i he> him all ! same4 ,i 0 oblig$ to answ] him if only to refute him4 ,& x 0 j on t he c\nt$ to subdue y2 keep ?is c>efully 9 y\r m9d2 9 ord] to let y give him an easy ?r[1 he w pres5t y at ne$ grotesque argum5ts1 & s soon z he sees y confid5t1 simply satisfi$ ) ! excell5ce ( y\r replies1 he w involve y 9 sophisms s speci\s t y w fight 9 va9 to solve !m4 ,no2 ,i repeat to y1 _h y ! be/ reasons to oppose to him1 d n ripo/e1 refuse ! /rife4 ,! prior 0 sil5t2 !n he began aga91 quietly1 ,!re are two ways ( gett+ rid ( a ?+ :i* tr\bles y--to ?r[ x f> away1 or let x fall4 ,to ?r[ x to a di/ance dem&s an ef=t ( :i* "o may n be capable2 to let x fall imposes no fatigue1 is simple1 )\t dang]1 )9 ! rea* ( all4 ,to ?r[ to a di/ance implies aga9 a c]ta9 int]e/1 a c]ta9 animation1 p]haps ev5 a c]ta9 fe>2 to let x fall is indiff]5ce1 complete contempt2 believe me1 use ?is means & ,satan w fly4 ,?is weapon ( contempt w be also all-p[]ful to conqu] ! assault ( scruples1 if 9 combats ( ?is nature ! p]son assail$ sees cle>4 ,un=tunately1 ! peculi>ity ( scruples is to al>m p1 to make !m lose at once ! cle>+ breeze1 & !n x is indisp5sable to h rec\rse to a prie/ to def5d oneself4 ,inde$1 pursu$ ! monk1 :o _h int]rupt$ himself a mom5t to ?9k--! clos] "o looks ! less "o sees2 "o becomes %ort-sight$ ! mom5t "o obs]ves2 x is necess>y to place oneself at a c]ta9 po9t ( view to di/+ui% objects1 = :5 !y are v close !y become z confus$ z if !y 7 f>4 ,!re=e 9 su* a case we mu/ h rec\rse to ! confessor1 :o is nei!r too di/ant1 nor too ne>1 :o holds himself precisely at ! spot :]e objects deta* !mselves 9 _! relief4 ,only x is ) scruples z ) c]ta9 maladies :i*1 :5 !y are n tak5 9 "t1 become almo/ incurable4 ,d n all[ !m1 !n1 to become implant$ 9 y2 scruple _c resi/ be+ told z soon z x beg9s4 ,! mom5t y =mulate x be=e ! prie/ x dissolves2 x is a k9d ( mirage :i* a ^w effaces4 ,y w object to me1 cont9u$ ! monk1 aft] a sil5ce1 t x is v mortify+ to av[ delusions :i* g5]ally are absurd2 b x is = ?is v reason t ! demon sugge/s to y less clev] argum5ts ?an fooli%4 ,he takes hold ( y ?us by vanity1 by false %ame4 ,! monk 0 sil5t aga92 !n he cont9u$1 ,scruples n treat$1 scruples n cur$1 lead to disc\ragem5t :i* is ! wor/ ( temptations2 = 9 o!r cases ,satan attacks "o virtue only 9 p>ticul>1 & he %[s himself2 :ile 9 ?is case he attacks all at once1 & he hides himself4 ,& ?is is s true t if y are s$uc$ by lu/1 by ! love ( money1 or by pride1 y c1 9 exam9+ y\rself1 give y\rself acc\nt ( ! nature ( ! temptation :i* exhau/s y2 9 disc\ragem5t1 on ! contr>y1 y\r und]/&+ is obscur$ to su* a degree t y d n ev5 suspect t ! /ate 9 :i* y succumb is only a diabolic manoeuvre :i* y mu/ combat2 & y let g all1 y give up ! only arm :i* c save y1 pray]1 f :i* ! demon turns y aside z a va9 ?+4 ,nev] hesitate1 !n1 to cut ! evil at its root1 to take c>e ( a scruple z soon z x is born4 ,n[ tell me2 y h no?+ else to confess8 ,no1 except ! indesire = ! ,eu*>i/1 ! languor 9 :i* ,i n[ fa9t4 ,!re is "s fatigue 9 y\r case1 = no "o c endure su* a %ock ) impunity2 d n be uneasy ab\t t1 h confid5ce1 d n attempt to pres5t y\rself be=e ,god all neat & trim2 g to ,him simply1 naturally1 9 undress ev51 j z y are2 d n =get t if y are a s]vant y are also a son2 h good c\rage1 our ,"l w dispel all ^! nightm>es4 ,& :5 he _h receiv$ absolution1 ,durtal w5t d[n to ! *ur* to await ! h\r ( mass4 ,& :5 ! mom5t = communion came1 he foll[$ ,m4 ,bruno beh9d ! lay bro!rs4 ,all 7 kneel+ on ! pavem5t1 & "o aft] ! o!r rose to ex*ange ! kiss ( peace1 & rea* ! alt>4 ,?\gh he repeat$ to himself ! c\nsels ( ,fa!r ,maxim91 ?\gh he exhort$ himself to dismiss all 8 unre/1 ,durtal c\ld n help ?9k+ z he saw ^! monks approa* ! ,table1 ,! ,"l w f9d a *ange :5 ,i advance 9 my turn2 aft] hav+ desc5d$ into ! sanctu>ies1 ,he w be r$uc$ to visit hovel4 ,& s9c]ely1 humbly1 he 0 sorry = ,him4 ,& z ! fir/ "t t he approa*$ ?is peace-giv+ my/]y1 he exp]i5c$ a s5sation ( /ifl+1 z if 8 he>t 7 too l>ge :5 he return$ to 8 place4 ,z soon z ! mass 0 ov]1 he quitt$ ! *apel & escap$ into ! p>k4 ,!n g5tly1 )\t s5sible effects1 ! ,sacram5t work$2 ,*ri/ op5$1 little by little1 8 clos$ h\se & gave x air1 light ent]$ into ,durtal 9 a flood4 ,f ! w9d[s ( 8 s5ses :i* _h look$ till !n into he knew n :at cesspool1 into :at enclosure1 dank1 & /eep$ 9 %ad[2 he n[ look$ sudd5ly1 ?r\gh a bur/ ( light1 on a vi/a :i* lo/ itself 9 heav54 ,8 vision ( nature 0 modifi$2 ! surr\nd+s 7 trans=m$2 ! fog ( sadness :i* visit$ !m vani%$2 ! sudd5 cle>ness ( 8 s\l 0 repeat$ 9 its surr\nd+s4 ,he _h ! s5sation ( expansion1 ! almo/ *ildlike joy ( a sick man :o takes 8 fir/ out+1 ( ! convalesc5t1 :o hav+ long crawl$ 9 a *amb]1 sets foot )\t2 all grew "y aga94 ,^! alleys1 ?is wood1 ?r\gh :i* he _h w&]$ s mu*1 :i* he began to "k 9 all _! w9d+s1 & 9 e corn]1 began to appe> to him 9 a new aspect4 ,a re/ra9$ joy1 a repress$ gladness emanat$ f ?is site1 :i* appe>$ to him1 in/ead ( ext5d+ z =m]ly1 to draw ne> & ga!r r\nd ! crucifix1 to turn1 z x 71 ) att5tion t[>ds ! liquid cross4 ,! trees ru/l$ trembl+1 9 a :isp] ( pray]s1 incl9+ t[>ds ! ,*ri/1 :o no long] twi/$ ,8 pa9ful arms 9 ! mirror ( ! pool1 b ,he con/ra9$ ^! wat]s1 & display$ !m be=e ,him1 bless+ !m4 ,!y 7 !mselves diff]5t2 ! d>k fluid 0 cov]$ ) mona/ic visions1 9 :ite robes1 :i* ! reflections ( cl\ds left !re 9 pass+1 & ! swan scatt]$ !m1 9 a spla% ( sunlight1 mak+ z he swam great oily circles r\nd him4 ,"o might h said t ^! waves 7 gilt by ! oil ( ! cate*um5s1 & ! sacr$ ,*rism1 :i* ! ,*ur* exorcises on ! ,saturday ( ,holy ,week1 & above !m heav5 half-op5$ its tab]nacle ( cl\ds1 out ( :i* came a cle> sun l a mon/rance ( molt5 gold 9 a ,bless$ ,sacram5t ( flames4 ,x 0 a ,b5$iction ( nature1 a g5uflection ( trees & fl[]s1 s++ 9 ! w9d1 inc5s+ ) _! p]fume ! sacr$ ,bread :i* %one on high1 9 ! flam+ cu/ody ( ! planet4 ,durtal look$ on 9 transport4 ,he desir$ to cry al\d 8 en?usiasm & 8 ,fai? to ! l&scape2 he felt a joy 9 liv+4 ,! horror ( exi/5ce c\nt$ = no?+ :5 !re 7 su* mom5ts1 z no e>?ly happ9ess c give4 ,god alone _h ! p[] ( ?us fill+ a s\l1 ( mak+ x ov]fl[1 & ru% 9 floods ( joy2 & ,he alone c\ld also fill ! bas9 ( sorr[s1 z no ev5t 9 ?is _w c\ld d4 ,durtal _h j tri$ x2 8 spiritual suff]+s & joys atta9$ "u ! div9e impr9t an acut5ess1 :i* p mo/ humanly happy or unhappy _c ev5 suspect4 ,?is idea br\ght him back to ! t]rible di/resses ( ! ev5+ be=e4 ,he endeav\r$ to sum up :at he _h be5 able to obs]ve ( himself 9 ?is ,trappi/ mona/]y4 ,fir/1 ! cle> di/9ction betwe5 body & s\l2 !n ! action ( ! demon1 ins9uat+ & ob/9ate1 almo/ visible1 :ile ! heav5ly action rema9$1 on ! contr>y1 dull & veil$1 appe>$ only at c]ta9 mom5ts1 & seem$ at o!rs to vani% = ev]4 ,& all ?is1 :5 felt & und]/ood1 _h an appe>ance simple 9 itself1 b sc>cely expla9+ itself4 ,! body appe>+ to ?r[ itself =w>d to ! rescue ( ! s\l1 & no d\bt borr[+ f x its w1 to help x :5 x fa9t$1 0 un9telligible4 ,h[ a body c\ld itself react obscurely1 & yet %[1 all at once1 s /rong a decision t x press$ its companion into a vice1 & prev5t$ its flight-- ,x is z my/]i\s z ! re/1 ?\ght ,durtal1 & z 9 a dream he cont9u$1 ,! secret action ( ,jesus 9 ,8 ,sacram5t is n less /range4 ,if ,i may judge by :at has happ5$ to me2 a fir/ communion exasp]ates ! action ( ! devil1 :ile a second represses x4 ,ah1 & h[ ,i put myself 9 l9e ) all my calculations6 ,9 tak+ %elt] "h ,i ?\ght myself pretty sure ( my s\l1 & t my body w\ld tr\ble me2 :]eas j ! contr>y has be5 ! case4 ,my /oma* has gr[n vigor\s & %[n itself fit to support an ef=t ( :i* ,i %\ld nev] h ?\ght x capable1 & my s\l has be5 bel[ ev]y?+1 vacillat+ & dry1 s fragile1 s feeble6 ,b we w let all t alone4 ,he walk$ ab\t1 lift$ f e>? by a confus$ joy4 ,he grew vaporiz$ 9 a sort ( intoxication1 9 a vague e!rization1 9 :i* arose1 )\t 8 ev5 ?9k+ ( =mulat+ words1 acts ( ?anksgiv+2 x 0 an ef=t ( ?anks ( 8 s\l1 ( 8 body1 ( 8 :ole be+1 to t ,god :om he felt liv+ 9 him1 & diffus$ 9 t kneel+ l&scape :i* also seem$ to exp& 9 mute hymns ( gratitude4 ,! h\r :i* /ruck by ! clock 9 ! portico rem9d$ him x 0 breakfa/ "t4 ,he w5t to ! gue/-h\se1 cut himself a slice ( bread & butt] ) "s *eese1 drank half a glass ( w9e1 & 0 ab\t to g out aga9 :5 he reflect$ t ! hor>y ( ! (fices 0 *ang$4 ,!y mu/ be diff]5t f ^? ( ! week1 he ?\ght2 & he w5t up into 8 cell to consult 8 plac>ds4 ,he f\nd only "o1 t ( ! rule ( ! monks !mselves1 :i* conta9$ ! regulations = ! ,sunday practices = ! cloi/]2 & he read3 ,,ex]cises ,,( ,,! ,,community ,,= ,,all ,,ord9>y ,,sundays4 ,,morn+4 #a4 ,rise4 ,little ,(fice4 ,pray] till #a4cj4 #b4 ,gr& ,canonical ,(fice *ant$4 #e4cj4 ,prime1 ,morn+ ,mass1 #f o'clock4 #f4de4 ,*apt] ,in/ructions4 ,great ,sil5ce4 #i4ae4 ,asp]ges1 ,ti]ce1 ,procession4 #aj4 ,high ,mass4 #aa4aj4 ,sext & special exam9ation4 #aa4cj4 ,angelus1 ,d9n]4 #ab4ae4 ,sie/a1 ,great ,sil5ce4 ,,ev5+4 #b4 ,end ( ,repose4 ,none4 #d4 ,vesp]s & ,b5$iction4 #e4de4 ,qu>t] ( an h\r = ,pray]4 #f4 ,supp]4 #g4 ,read+ be=e ,compl9e4 #g4ae4 ,compl9e4 #g4cj4 ,salve1 ,angelus4 #g4de4 ,exam9ation ( consci5ce & ,retreat4 #h4 ,b$ "t1 ,great ,sil5ce4 ,note4--,aft] ! ,cross ( ,septemb]1 no sie/a4 ,none is at #b o'clock2 ,vesp]s at #c2 ,supp] at #e2 ,compl9e at #f1 & b$ "t at #g4 ,durtal copi$ ?is rule = 8 use on a scrap ( pap]4 ,9 fact1 he said to himself1 ,i h to be 9 *apel at #i4ae = ,asp]ges1 ,high ,mass & ! ,(fice ( ,sext1 aft]w>ds at #b = ,none1 !n at #d = ,vesp]s & ,b5$iction1 & la/ly at #g4cj = ,compl9e4 ,"h is a day :i* w be occupi$1 )\t c\nt+ t ,i got up at half-pa/ two ?is morn+1 he conclud$2 & :5 he rea*$ ! *apel1 ab\t n9e o'clock1 he f\nd ! great] "p ( ! lay bro!rs on _! knees1 ! o!rs say+ _! ros>y2 & :5 ! clock /ruck all return$ to _! place4 ,assi/$ by two fa!rs 9 c[ls1 ! prior1 ve/$ 9 a :ite alb1 ent]$1 & :ile ! antiphon ,asp]ges me1 ,dom9e1 hyssopo1 et mundabor 0 sung1 all ! monks 9 succession defil$ be=e ,fa!r ,maxim91 /&+ on ! /eps1 turn+ 8 back to ! alt>2 & he spr9kl$ !m ) holy wat]1 :ile !y rega9$ _! /alls1 ea* mak+ ! sign ( ! cross4 ,!n ! prior desc5d$ f ! alt>1 & came to ! entrance to ! ve/ibule1 :]e he disp]s$ ! wat] crosswise1 trac$ by ! spr9kl] ov] ! oblate1 & ov] ,durtal4 ,at la/ he ve/$1 & w5t to celebrate ! sacrifice4 ,!n ,durtal 0 able to ?9k ov] 8 ,sundays at ! ,b5$ict9e nuns4 ,! ,kyrie ,eleison 0 ! same b sl[] & m sonor\s1 m grave on ! prolong$ t]m9ation ( ! la/ ^w2 at ,p>is ! voices ( ! nuns drew x out & put a gloss on x at ! same "t1 turn$ into sat9 its f9al s\nd1 r5d]$ x less dull1 less spac$1 less ample4 ,! ,gloria 9 ,excelsis diff]$2 t ( ,la ,trappe 0 m primitive1 m m\nt+1 m sombre1 int]e/+ by its v b>b>ism1 b less t\*+1 = 9 its =ms ( adoration1 9 ! ,adoramus te1 = example1 ! te did n deta* itself1 did n drop l a te> ( amor\s ess5ce1 l an av[al reta9$ by humility on ! tip ( ! lips2 b x 0 :5 ! ,cr$o arose1 t ,durtal c\ld uplift himself at ease4 ,he _h nev] yet he>d x s au?oritative1 & s impos+2 x advanc$1 *ant$ 9 unison1 develop+ its sl[ procession ( dogmas1 9 s\nds well furni%$ & rigid1 ( a violet almo/ obscure1 a r$ almo/ black1 gr[+ light] t[>ds ! end1 till x expir$ 9 a long & pla9tive ,am54 ,9 foll[+ ! ,ci/]cian (fice ,durtal c\ld recognize ! morsels ( pla9 *ant /ill pres]v$ 9 p>i% masses4 ,all ! "p ( ! ,canon1 ! ,sursum ,corda1 ! ,v]e ,dignum1 ! ,antiphons1 ! ,pat]1 rema9$ intact4 ,only ! ,sanctus & ! ,agnus ,dei 7 *ang$4 ,massive1 built up1 z x 71 9 ! ,roman /yle1 !y drap$ !mselves 9 ! col\r1 gl[+ & dull1 :i* clo!s1 9 fact1 ! (fices ( ,la ,trappe4 ,well1 said ! oblate1 :51 aft] ! c]emony1 !y sat at ! table ( ! refectory2 well1 :at d y ?9k ( our ,high ,mass8 ,x is sup]b1 answ]$ ,durtal4 ,& he said dreamily1 ,w\ld t "o c\ld h ! :ole complete6 to br+ "h1 in/ead ( ?is un9t]e/+ *apel1 ! apse ( ,/4 ,sev]92 hang on ! walls ! pictures ( ,fra ,angelico1 ,meml+1 ,grnewald1 ,g]>d ,david1 ,rog] van d5 ,weyd51 ,b\ts2 add to ^!1 admirable sculptures su* z ^? ( ! great door ( ,*>tres1 alt> scre5s ( sculptur$ wood1 su* z ^? ( ! ,ca!dral ( ,ami5s1 :at a dream6 ,yet1 he w5t on aft] a sil5ce1 ?is dream has be5 a reality1 x is evid5t4 ,?is ideal *ur* exi/$ = ages1 ev]y:]e 9 ! ,middle ,ages6 ,! *ant1 ! goldsmi?'s "w1 ! panels1 ! sculptures1 ! tissues 7 all attractive2 ! liturgies possess$1 to give !m value1 fabul\s caskets1 b all t is f> (f4 ,b y c]ta9ly _c say1 repli$ ,m4 ,bruno1 ) a smile1 t ! *ur* ornam5ts are ugly "h6 ,no2 !y are exquisite4 ,fir/1 ! *asubles h n ! %apes ( a m9]'s apron1 & !y d n hoi/ !mselves up on ! %\ld]s ( ! prie/1 t excresc5ce1 t puff+ l ! e> ( a little donkey ly+ back1 :i* ! ve/m5t mak]s use at ,p>is4 ,nor is x any m t cross 9 /ripe or wov51 fill+ all ! /uff1 fall+ l a sack-coat ov] ! back ( ! celebrant2 ! ,trappi/ *asubles h kept ! old =m1 z ! old image mak]s & ! old pa9t]s pres]v$ !m 9 _! religi\s sc5es2 & t cross ) f\r leaves1 l ^? :i* ! ,go?ic /yle *isell$ on ! walls ( its *ur*es1 is relat$ to ! v exp&$ lotus a fl[] s full-bl[n t its fall+ petals droop4 ,)\t c\nt+1 pursu$ ,durtal1 t ! /uff :i* seems cut 9 a sort ( flannel or ?ick s(t felt mu/ h be5 plung$ 9 ?reefold dyes1 = x takes a dep?1 & a magnific5t cle>ness ( tone4 ,! religi\s trimm+-mak]s c\ld trim ^! wat]$ & pla9 silks ) silv] & gold1 yet nev] atta9 to give a col\r at once s vehem5t & s famili> to ! eye z t crimson ) sulphur-yell[ fl[]s1 :i* ,fa!r ,maxim9 wore ! o!r day4 ,yes1 & ! m\rn+ *asuble ) its lob$ crosses1 & its discreet :ite full+s1 9 :i* ! ,fa!r abbot ve/$ himself1 ! day on :i* he communicat$ u1 is n x also a c>ess = ! eyes8 ,durtal sigh$3 ,ah6 if ! /atues 9 ! *apel %[$ a l ta/e6 ,by ! way1 said ! oblate1 come & salute t ,notre ,dame de l',atre1 ( :i* ,i h spok5 to y1 f\nd among ! rema9s ( ! old cloi/]4 ,!y rose f table1 pass$ along a corridor1 & /ruck into a lat]al gall]y1 at ! end ( :i* !y /opp$ be=e a /atue ( life size1 9 /one4 ,x 0 heavy & massive1 repres5t+ 9 a robe ( long folds1 a peasant woman1 cr[n$1 & r\nd-*eek$1 hold+ on h] arm a *ild :o bless$ a ball4 ,b 9 ?is portrait ( a robu/ peasant woman1 sprung f ,burgundy or ,fl&]s1 !re 0 a c&\r1 a goodness almo/ tumultu\s1 :i* sprang f h] smil+ face1 h] innoc5t eyes1 h] good & l>ge lips1 indulg5t1 ready = all =giv5ess4 ,%e 0 a ru/ic ,virg9 made = ! humble lay bro!rs2 %e 0 n a great lady :o c\ld hold !m at a di/ance1 b %e 0 inde$ ! nurs+ "m ( _! s\ls1 _! true "m4 ,h[ 0 x !y _h n und]/ood h] "h8 h[ in/ead ( presid+ 9 ! *apel1 did %e gr[ *ill at ! end ( a corridor8 cri$ ,durtal4 ,! oblate turn$ ! conv]sation--,i w>n y1 he said1 t ,b5$iction w n take place aft] ,vesp]s z y\r plac>d indicates1 b directly aft] ,compl9e2 ?is latt] (fice w !re=e be advanc$ a qu>t] ( an h\r at lea/4 ,& ! oblate w5t up to 8 cell1 :ile ,durtal w5t t[>ds ! l>ge pond4 ,!re he lay d[n on a b$ ( dry re$1 look+ at ! wat] :i* broke 9 wavelets at 8 feet4 ,! com+ & go+ ( ^! limit$ wat]s1 fold+ back on !mselves1 yet nev] ov]pass+ ! bas9 !y _h holl[$ = !mselves1 l$ him on into long rev]ies4 ,he said to himself t a riv] 0 ! mo/ exact symbol ( ! active life2 "o foll[s x f its s\rce ?r\gh all its c\rses across ! t]ritories x f]tilizes2 x has fulfill$ its assign$ task be=e x dies1 imm]s+ itself 9 ! gap+ sepul*re ( ! seas2 b ! pond1 t tam$ wat]1 imprison$ 9 a h$ge ( re$s :i* x has itself caus$ to gr[ 9 f]tiliz+ ! soil ( its bank1 has conc5trat$ itself1 liv$ on itself1 n seem$ to a*ieve any kn[n "w1 save to keep sil5ce & reflect on ! inf9ite ( heav54 ,/ill wat] tr\bles me1 cont9u$ ,durtal4 ,x seems to me t unable to ext5d itself1 x gr[s deep]1 & t :ile runn+ wat]s borr[ only ! %ad[s ( ?+s !y reflect1 x swall[s !m )\t giv+ !m back4 ,mo/ c]ta9ly 9 ?is pond is a cont9u$ & pr(\nd absorption ( =gott5 cl\ds1 ( lo/ trees1 ev5 ( s5sations seiz$ on ! faces ( monks :o hung ov] x4 ,?is wat] is full1 & n empty1 l ^? :i* are di/ract$ 9 w&]+ ab\t ! c\ntry & 9 ba?+ ! t[ns4 ,x is a contemplative wat]1 9 p]fect accord ) ! recollect$ life ( ! cloi/]s4 ,! fact is1 he conclud$1 t a riv] w\ld h "h no mean+2 x w\ld only be pass+1 w\ld rema9 indiff]5t & 9 a hurry1 w\ld be 9 all cases unfit to pacify ! s\l :i* ! mona/ic wat] ( ! ponds appeases4 ,ah6 9 f\nd+ ,notre ,dame de l',atre1 ,sa9t ,b]n>d knew h[ to fit ! ,ci/]cian rule & ! site4 ,b we mu/ leave ^! fancies1 he said1 ris+2 &1 rememb]+ t x 0 ,sunday1 he transf]r$ himself to ,p>is1 & revisit$ 9 ?\ght 8 halts on ?is day 9 ! *ur*es4 ,9 ! morn+ ,/4 ,sev]9 en*ant$ him1 b he ought n to ?ru/ himself into t sanctu>y = ! o!r ,(fices4 ,vesp]s !re 7 bot*$ & mean2 & if x 7 a fea/ day ! organ ma/] %[$ himself possess$ by ! love ( ignoble music4 ,occasionally ,durtal _h tak5 refuge at ,/4 ,g]vais1 :]e at lea/ !y play$ at c]ta9 times motets ( ! old ma/]s2 b t *ur* 01 z well z ,/4 ,eu/a*e1 a pay+ conc]t1 :]e ,fai? _h no?+ to d4 ,no recollection 0 possible 9 ! mid/ ( ladies :o fa9t$ beh9d1 _! faces 9 _! h&s1 & grew agitat$ 9 creak+ *airs4 ,^! 7 frivol\s assemblies = pi\s music1 a compromise betwe5 ! !atre & ,god4 ,/4 ,sulpice 0 bett]1 :]e at lea/ ! public 0 sil5t4 ,!re1 moreov]1 ,vesp]s 7 celebrat$ ) m solemnity & less ha/e4 ,9 g5]al ! sem9>y re9=c$ ! *oir1 & r5d]$ by ?is impos+ *oir !y roll$ on maje/ically su/a9$ by ! gr& organ4 ,*ant$1 only 9 half1 & n 9 unison1 r$uc$ to a /ate ( c\plets1 giv51 "s by a b>itone1 o!rs by ! *oir1 !y 7 twi/$ & frizzl$ by a curl+ iron1 b z !y 7 n less adult]at$ at ! o!r *ur*es1 !re 0 e advantage 9 li/5+ to !m at ,/4 ,sulpice1 ^: p[]ful *oir1 v well l$1 _h n1 z = example at ,notre ,dame1 ^? du/y voices :i* break at ! lea/ :isp]4 ,?is only became really odi\s :51 ) a =midable explosion1 ! fir/ /rophe ( ! ,magnificat /ruck ! ar*es4 ,! organ !n swall[$ up "o /anza out ( two1 & "u ! s$iti\s pretext t ! l5g? ( ! ,(fice ( inc5s+ 0 too long to be fill$ up entirely by s++1 ,m4 ,widor1 seat$ at 8 desk1 roll$ =? /ale fragm5ts ( music spla%$ ab\t above1 imitat+ ! human voice & ! flute1 ! bagpipe & ! bassoon1 or inde$1 tir$ ( affectations1 he blew furi\sly on ! keys1 end+ by imitat+ ! roll ( locomotives ov] iron bridges1 lett+ all ! /ops g4 ,& ! *oirma/]1 n wi%+ to %[ himself inf]ior to ! organi/ 9 8 in/9ctive hatr$ ( pla9 *ant1 0 delight$1 :5 ! ,b5$iction began1 to put aside ,gregorian melodies & make 8 *ori/]s gurgle rigadoons4 ,x 0 no long] a sanctu>y1 b a h[l+ place4 ,! ,ave ,m>ia1 ! ,ave ,v]um1 all ! my/ical indec5cies ( ! late ,g\nod1 ! rhapsodies ( old ,?omas1 ! cap]s ( indig5t musica/]s1 defil$ 9 a *a9 w\nd by *oir lead]s f ,lam\reux1 *ant$ un=tunately by *ildr51 ! *a/ity ( ^: voices no "o fe>$ to pollute 9 ^! middle-class passages ( music1 ^! by-ways ( art4 ,ah1 ?\ght ,durtal1 if only ?is *oirma/]1 :o is evid5tly an excell5t musician2 = inde$1 :5 he mu/1 he kn[s h[ to get execut$ bett] ?an any:]e else 9 ,p>is1 ! ',de ,pr(undis' ) organ accompanim5t1 & ! ',dies ,ir'2 if only ?is man w\ld z at ,/4 ,g]vais give u "s ,pale/r9a & ,vittoria1 "s ,ai*+] & ,allegri1 "s ,orl&o ,lasso & ,de ,prs2 b no1 he mu/ dete/ ^! ma/]s also1 consid] !m z ar*aic rubbi%1 good to s5d into ! du/-heaps4 ,& ,durtal cont9u$1 ,:at we he> n[ at ,p>is1 9 ! *ur*es1 is :olly incr$ible6 ,"u pret5ce ( manag+ an income = ! s+]s1 !y suppress half ! /anzas ( canticles & hymns1 & sub/itute1 to v>y ! pleasure1 ! tiresome divagations ( an organ4 ,!re !y h[l ! ',tantum ,ergo' to ! ,au/rian ,national air2 or :at is /ill worse1 muffle x up ) op]atic *oruses1 or refra9s f cante5s4 ,! v text is divid$ into c\plets :i* are ornam5t$ l a dr9k+ song ) a little bur!n4 ,! o!r ,*ur* sequ5ces are treat$ 9 ! same mann]4 ,& yet ! ,papacy has =mally =bidd51 9 _m bulls1 t ! sanctu>y %\ld be soil$ by ^? lib]ties4 ,to cite "o only1 ,john ,,xxii41 9 8 ,extravagant ',doctor ,sanctorum1' expressly =bade pr(ane voices & music 9 *ur*es4 ,he prohibit$ *oirs at ! same "t to *ange pla9 *ant into fiorituri4 ,! decrees ( ! ,c\ncil ( ,tr5t are n less cle> f ?is po9t ( view1 & m rec5tly /ill a regulation ( ! ,sacr$ ,congregation ( ,rites has int]v5$ to proscribe musical riot+ 9 holy places4 ,!n :at are ! p>i%-prie/s do+ :o1 9 fact1 h musical police *>ge 9 _! *ur*es8 ,no?+1 !y laugh at x4 ,nor is ?is a m]e phrase1 b ) ^? prie/s :o1 hop+ = receipts1 p]mit on fte days ! %ameless voices ( actresses to dance gambols to ! heavy s\nds ( ! organ1 ! poor ,*ur* has become f> f clean4 ,at ,/4 ,sulpice1 ,durtal w5t on1 ! prie/ tol]ates ! villa9y ( jolly songs :i* are s]v$ up to him2 b at lea/ he does n1 l ! "o at ,/4 ,sev]91 all[ /roll+ wom5 play]s to light5 up ! ,(fice by ! %\ts ( su* voices z rema9 to !m4 ,nor has he accept$ ! solo on ! ,engli% horn :i* ,i he>d at ,/4 ,?omas "o ev5+ dur+ ! ,p]petual ,adoration4 ,9 %ort1 if ! gr& ,b5$ictions at ,/4 ,sulpice are a %ame1 ! ,compl9es rema9 9 spite ( _! !atrical attitude really *>m+4 ,& ,durtal ?\ght ( ^? ,compl9es ( :i* ! pat]nity is (t5 attribut$ to ,sa9t ,b5$ict2 !y 7 9 fact ! integral pray] ( ! ev5+s1 ! prev5tive adjuration1 ! safegu>d aga9/ ! attempts ( ! ,demon1 !y 7 9 "s measure ! advanc$ s5t9els ( ! out-po/s plac$ r\nd ! s\l to protect x dur+ ! night4 ,& ! regulation ( ?is entr5*$ camp ( pray] 0 p]fect4 ,aft] ! b5$iction ! be/ tra9$ voice1 ! mo/ ?readlike ( ! *oir1 ! voice ( ! smalle/ ( ! *ildr51 sang =? ! %ort lesson tak5 f ! fir/ ,epi/le ( ,sa9t ,pet]1 w>n+ ! fai?ful t !y mu/ be sob] & wat*1 n all[ !mselves to be surpris$ unexpect$ly4 ,a prie/ !n recit$ ! usual ev5+ pray]s2 ! *oir organ gave ! intonation1 & ! psalms fell1 *ant$ "o by "o1 ! twilight psalms1 9 :i* be=e ! approa*es ( night peopl$ ) gobl9s1 & furr[$ by gho/s1 man calls ,god to aid1 & prays ,him to gu>d 8 sleep f ! viol5ce ( ! ways ( hell1 ! rape ( ! lamias t pass4 ,& ! hymn ( ,sa9t ,ambrose1 ! ,te lucis ante t]m9um1 made /ill m precise ! scatt]$ mean+ ( ^! psalms1 ga!r+ x up 9 its %ort /anzas4 ,un=tunately1 ! mo/ important1 t :i* =esees & decl>es ! luxuri\s dang]s ( d>kness1 0 swall[$ up by ! full organ4 ,?is hymn 0 n r5d]$ 9 pla9 *ant at ,/4 ,sulpice z at ,la ,trappe1 b 0 sung to a pomp\s & elaborate air1 an air full ( glory1 ) a c]ta9 pr\d attractiv5ess1 orig9at+ no d\bt 9 ! eighte5? c5tury4 ,!n !re 0 a pause--& man1 feel+ himself m %elt]$1 beh9d a ramp>t ( pray]s1 recollect$ himself1 m assur$1 & borr[$ innoc5t voices to address new supplications to ,god4 ,aft] ! *apt] read by ! (ficiant1 ! *ildr5 ( ! *oir *ant$ ! %ort response ,9 manus tuus ,dom9e1 comm5do spiritum meum1 :i* roll$ out1 divid+ 9 two p>ts1 !n d\bl$ itself1 & resolv$ at ! la/ its two sep>ate portions by a v]se1 & "p ( an antiphon4 ,& aft] t pray] !re 0 /ill ! canticle ( ,simeon1 :o1 z soon z he _h se5 ! ,messiah1 desir$ to die4 ,?is ,nunc dimittis1 :i* ! ,*ur* has incorporat$ 9 ,compl9e to /imulate u at ev5tide to self-exam9ation--= none c tell :e!r he %all wake on ! morr[--0 rais$ by ! :ole *oir1 :i* alt]nat$ ) ! responses ( ! organ4 ,9 fact1 to end ?is ,(fice ( a besieg$ t[n1 to take its la/ dispositions & try to repose 9 %elt] f a viol5t attack1 ! ,*ur* built up aga9 a few pray]s1 & plac$ h] p>i%es "u ! tutelage ( ! ,virg91 to :om x *ant$ "o ( ! f\r antiphons :i* foll[1 accord+ to ! ,prop]4 ,at ,la ,trappe ,compl9e 0 evid5tly less solemn1 less int]e/+ ?an at ,/4 ,sulpice1 conclud$ ,durtal1 = ! mona/ic brevi>y is1 = a wond]1 less complete = t ,(fice ?an ! ,roman brevi>y4 ,z = ,sunday ,vesp]s1 ,i am curi\s to he> !m4 ,& he he>d !m2 b !y h>dly diff]$ f ! ,vesp]s adopt$ by ! ,b5$ict9e nuns ( ! ,rue ,monsieur2 !y 7 m massive1 m grave1 m ,roman1 if x may be said1 = necess>ily ! voice ( wom5 drew !m out into %>p po9ts1 made !m l acute ar*es1 z x 71 9 ,go?ic /yle1 b ! ,gregorian tunes 7 ! same4 ,on ! o!r h& !y resembl$ 9 no?+ ^? at ,/4 ,sulpice1 :]e ! mod]n sauces spoilt ! v ess5ces ( ! pla9 *ants4 ,only ! ,magnificat ( ,la ,trappe1 abrupt1 & ) dry tone1 0 n s good z ! maje/ic1 ! admirable ,royal ,magnificat *ant$ at ,p>is4 ,^! monks are a/oni%+ ) _! sup]b voices1 said ,durtal to himself1 & he smil$ z !y f9i%$ ! antiphon ( ,our ,lady1 = he rememb]$ t 9 ! primitive ,*ur* ! *ant] 0 call$ ,fab>ius cantor1 eat] ( beans1 because he 0 oblig$ to eat t vegetable to /r5g!n 8 voice4 ,n[1 at ,la ,trappe1 di%es ( beans 7 common2 p]haps t 0 ! secret ( ! ev] "y mona/ic voices4 ,he ?\ght ov] ! liturgy & pla9 *ant :ile smok+ cig>ettes1 9 ! walks1 aft] ,vesp]s4 ,he br\ght to m9d ! symbolism ( ^? canonical h\rs :i* recall$ e day to ! ,*ri/ian ! %ortness ( life 9 summ+ up = him its image f infancy to dea?4 ,recit$ soon aft] dawn1 ,prime 0 ! figure ( *ildhood2 ,ti]ce ( y\?2 ,sext ! full vig\r ( age2 ,none ! approa*es ( old age1 :ile ,vesp]s 7 an allegory ( decrepitude4 ,!y belong$1 moreov]1 to ! ,nocturns1 & 7 sung ab\t six o'clock 9 ! ev5+1 at t h\r :51 at ! "t ( ! ,equ9oxes1 ! sun sets 9 ! r$ c9d] ( ! cl\ds4 ,z = ,compl9e1 x res\nds :5 night1 ! symbol ( dea?1 has come4 ,?is canonical ,(fice 0 a m>vell\s ros>y ( psalms2 e bead ( ea* ( ^! h\rs bore ref]5ce to ! diff]5t phases ( human exi/5ce1 foll[$1 little by little1 ! p]iods ( ! day1 ! decl9e ( de/9y1 to end 9 ! mo/ p]fect ( (fices1 9 ,compl9e1 t provisional absolution ( a dea?1 itself repres5t$ by sleep4 ,& if1 f ^! texts s wisely select$1 ^! ,sequ5ces s solemnly seal$1 ,durtal pass$ to ! sac]dotal robe ( _! s\nds1 to ^? neumatic *ants1 t div9e psalmody all uni=m1 all simple1 :i* is pla9 *ant1 he _h to admit1 t except 9 ,b5$ict9e cloi/]s1 an organ accompanim5t 0 ev]y:]e add$1 t pla9 *ant _h be5 put =cibly 9 mod]n tonality1 & x disappe>$ "u vegetations :i* /ifl$ x1 became ev]y:]e discol\r$1 amorph\s & incompreh5sible4 ,"o only ( its execution]s1 ,ni$]may]1 %[$ himself at lea/ pitiful4 ,he tri$ a sy/em m +5i\s & m hone/4 ,he rev]s$ ! t]ms ( torture4 ,in/ead ( wi%+ to make pla9 *ant supple & to ?ru/ x into ! m\ld ( mod]n h>mony1 he con/ra9$ t h>mony to b5d itself to ! au/]e tonality ( pla9 *ant4 ,he ?us pres]v$ its "*1 b h[ f> m natural w\ld x h be5 to leave x solit>y & n oblig$ x to t[ an useless companion & awkw>d foll[+8 ,"h at lea/ at ,la ,trappe x liv$ & spread 9 all security1 )\t treason on ! "p ( ! monks4 ,!re 0 always sam5ess ( s\nd1 x 0 always *ant$ )\t accompanim5t 9 unison4 ,he 0 able to satisfy himself ab\t ?is tru? once m aft] supp]1 t ev5+1 :5 at ! end ( ,compl9e ! fa!r sacri/an light$ all ! c&les on ! alt>4 ,at t mom5t1 9 ! sil5ce ( ! ,trappi/s on _! knees1 _! head 9 _! h&s1 or _! *eek re/+ on ! sleeve ( _! great c[l1 ?ree lay bro!rs ent]$1 two c>ry+ tor*es1 & ano!r prec$+ !m ) a c5s]1 & beh9d !m a few paces1 came ! prior ) 8 h&s jo9$4 ,durtal look$ at ! *ang$ co/ume ( ! ?ree bro!rs4 ,!y _h no long] _! robes ( s]ge1 made ( bits & scraps1 /a9$ mud col\r1 b robes ( violet-br[n1 l plums on :i* 0 spread ! :ite twill+ ( a new surplice4 ,:ile ,fa!r ,maxim91 ve/$ 9 a copy ( milky :ite1 wov5 ) a cross 9 orange yell[1 plac$ ! ,ho/ 9 ! mon/rance1 ! ?urif] put d[n ! c5s]1 on ! coals ( :i* melt$ te>s ( real inc5se4 ,contr>y to :at takes place 9 ,p>is1 :]e ! c5s]1 swung be=e ! alt>1 s\nds aga9/ its *a9s1 & is l ! cle> t9kl+ ( a horse :i*1 z he lifts 8 head1 %akes 8 curb & bit1 ! c5s] at ,la ,trappe rema9$ immovable be=e ! alt>1 & smok$ by itself beh9d ! (ficiants4 ,& ev]yone *ant$ ! implor+ & melan*oly antiphon ,p>ce ,dom9e1 !n ! ,tantum ,ergo1 t magnific5t song1 :i* c\ld be almo/ act$1 s cle> 9 _! *anges are ! s5tim5ts :i* succe$ ea* o!r 9 _! rhym$ sequ5ce4 ,9 ! fir/ /anza x seems inde$ to %ake ! head g5tly1 to put =w>d ! *91 s to speak1 s z to affirm ! insuffici5cy ( ! s5ses to expla9 ! dogma ( ! real pres5ce1 ! f9i%$ avat> ( ! ,bread4 ,x is !n admir+ & reflective2 !n t melody s att5tive1 s respectful1 does n wait to affirm ! weakness ( ! reason1 & ! p[] ( fai?1 b 9 ! second /anza x goes =w>d1 adores ! glory ( ! ?ree ,p]sons1 exults ) joy1 only recov]s itself at ! end1 :]e ! music adds a new s5se to ! text ( ,sa9t ,?omas1 9 av[+ 9 a long & m\rnful ,am5 ! unwor?9ess ( ^? pres5t to receive ! ,b5$iction ( ! ,fle% plac$ ^u t cross :i* ! mon/rance is ab\t to trace 9 ! air4 ,& sl[ly1 :ile unroll+ its coil ( smoke1 ! c5s] spread1 z x 71 a blue gauze be=e ! alt>1 :ile ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t 0 lift$ l a gold5 moon1 amid ! />s ( ! tap]s1 sp>kl+ 9 ! gr[+ d>kness ( t fog1 ! bells ( ! abbey s\nd$ ) musical & sweet /rokes4 ,& all ! monks b[$ l[ ) _! eyes clos$1 !n recov]$ !mselves & enton$ ! ,laudate to ! old melody :i* is also sung at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires at ! ,b5$iction 9 ! ev5+4 ,!n "o by "o1 hav+ g5uflect$ be=e ! alt>1 !y w5t out1 :ile ,durtal & ! oblate return$ to ! gue/-h\se1 :]e ,fa!r ,eti5ne 0 wait+ = !m4 ,he said to ,durtal3 ,i w\ld n g to b$ )\t kn[+ h[ y h borne ! day2 & z ,durtal ?ank$ him1 assur+ him t ?is ,sunday _h be5 v peaceful1 ,fa!r ,eti5ne smil$ & reveal$ 9 a ^w1 t "u _! res]v$ attitude all at ,la ,trappe 7 m int]e/$ 9 _! gue/ ?an he _h himself believ$4 ,! rev]5d ,fa!r abbot & ! ,fa!r prior w be glad :5 ,i give !m ?is answ]1 said ! monk1 :o wi%$ ,durtal good-night1 press+ 8 h&4 ,,*apt] ,,vii4 ,at sev5 o'clock1 j z he 0 prep>+ to eat 8 bread1 ,durtal enc\nt]$ ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,fa!r1 he said1 to-morr[ is ,tuesday2 ! "t ( my retreat has expir$1 & ,i am go+2 h[ %\ld ,i ord] a c>riage = ,sa9t ,l&ry8 ,! monk smil$4 ,:5 ! po/man br+s ! lett]s ,i c *>ge him ) ! commission1 b let u see2 are y 9 a great hurry to leave u8 ,no1 b ,i w\ld n trespass4444 ,li/51 s9ce y are s well brok5 9 to ! life at ,la ,trappe1 /ay "h two days m4 ,! ,fa!r procurator mu/ g to settle a dispute at ,sa9t ,l&ry4 ,he w take y to ! /ation 9 our c>riage4 ,s y w avoid "s exp5se1 & ! j\rney h5ce to ! railroad w seem to y less long1 s9ce !re w be two ( y4 ,durtal accept$1 & z x ra9$1 he w5t up to 8 room4 ,x is /range1 he said1 z he sat d[n1 h[ impossible "o f9ds x 9 a cloi/] to read a book2 "o wants no?+1 "o ?9ks ( ,god by ,himself1 & n by ! volumes :i* speak ab\t ,him4 ,me*anically he _h tak5 up f a heap ( books "o 9 octavo1 :i* he _h f\nd on 8 table ! day he took possession ( 8 cell2 x bore ! title ,manresa1 or ! ,spiritual ,ex]cises ( ,ignatius ( ,loyola4 ,he _h already run ?r\gh ! "w at ,p>is1 & ! pages :i* he turn$ ov] afre% did n *ange ! h>%1 almo/ ho/ile1 op9ion :i* he _h reta9$ ( ?is book4 ,! fact is t ^! ex]cises leave no initiative to ! s\l2 !y consid] x z a s(t pa/e good to run into a m\ld2 !y %[ x no horizon1 no sky4 ,in/ead ( try+ to /ret* x1 & make x great]1 !y make x small] delib]ately2 !y put x back into ! cases ( _! waf] box1 n\ri% x only on fad$ trifles1 on dry no?+s4 ,?is ,japanese culture ( de=m$ toes :i* rema9 dw>f2 ?is ,*9ese de=mation ( *ildr5 plant$ 9 pots1 horrifi$ ,durtal1 :o clos$ ! volume4 ,he op5$ ano!r1 ! ,introduction to ! ,dev\t ,life1 by ,sa9t ,francis de ,sales4 ,c]ta9ly he f\nd no ne$ to read x aga91 9 spite ( its affectations1 & its good nature1 at fir/ *>m+1 b :i* ends by mak+ y sick1 by mak+ ! s\l /icky ) sweets ) liqueurs 9 !m1 & lollypops2 9 a ^w1 t "w s mu* prais$ by ,ca?olics 0 a julep sc5t$ ) b]gamot & amb]gris4 ,x 0 l a f9e h&k]*ief %ak5 9 a *ur* 9 :i* a mu/y smell ( inc5se rema9$4 ,b ! man himself1 ! ,bi%op ,sa9t ,francis de ,sales1 0 sugge/ive2 ) 8 "n 0 call$ up ! :ole my/ical hi/ory ( ! sev5te5? c5tury4 ,& ,durtal recall$ ! memories he _h kept ( ! religi\s life ( t "t4 ,!re 7 !n 9 ! ,*ur* two curr5ts3 ,t ( ! high ,my/icism1 z x 0 call$1 orig9at+ f ,sa9t ,t]esa & ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross2 & ?is curr5t 0 conc5trat$ on ,m>ie ,guyon4 ,& ano!r t ( s-call$ temp]ate ,my/icism1 ( :i* ! adepts 7 ,sa9t ,francis de ,sales & 8 fri5d ! celebrat$ ,b>oness de ,*antal4 ,x 0 naturally ?is second curr5t :i* triumph$4 ,jesus1 putt+ ,himself )9 ! rea* ( draw+-rooms1 desc5d+ to ! level ( wom5 ( ! _w1 a mod]ate & prop] ,jesus1 only deal+ ) ! s\l ( ,8 creature j en\gh to give x "o attraction ! m1 ?is elegant ,jesus became all ! fa%ion2 b ,madame ,guyon1 ^: s\rce 0 above all ,sa9t ,t]esa1 :o taught ! my/ical !ory ( love1 & famili> int]c\rse ) heav51 rais$ ! opposition ( ! :ole cl]gy :o abom9at$ ,my/icism )\t und]/&+ x2 %e exasp]at$ ! t]rible ,bossuet1 :o accus$ h] ( ! fa%ionable h]esy1 ,mol9ism & ,quietism4 ,%e refut$1 unhappy z %e 01 ?is tr\ble )\t mu* difficulty1 b he p]secut$ h] = x none ! less2 he 0 furi\s aga9/ h]1 & _h h] imprison$ at ,v9c5nes2 reveal$ himself ob/9ate1 surly1 & atroci\s4 ,f5elon1 :o tri$ to conciliate ^! two t5d5cies 9 prep>+ a small ,my/icism nei!r too hot nor too cold1 a little less lukew>m ?an t ( ,sa9t ,francis de ,sales1 & above all ?+s mu* less ard5t ?an t ( ,sa9t ,t]esa1 end$ 9 8 turn by displeas+ ! cormorant ( ,meaux1 & ?\gh he ab&on$ & d5i$ ,madame de ,guyon1 ^: fri5d he _h be5 = long ye>s1 he 0 p]secut$ & track$ d[n by ,bossuet1 condemn$ at ,rome1 & s5t 9 exile to ,cambrai4 ,& "h ,durtal c\ld n b smile1 = he rememb]$ ! desolate compla9ts ( 8 p>tisans weep+ = ?is disgrace1 repres5t+ ?us z a m>tyr ?is ar*bi%op ^: puni%m5t consi/$ 9 quitt+ 8 po/ z c\rti] at ,v]sailles to g at la/ & adm9i/] 8 diocese1 9 :i* he appe>$ till !n to h nev] resid$4 ,?is mitr$ ,job1 :o rema9$ 9 8 mis=tune ,ar*bi%op & ,duke ( ,cambrai1 ,pr9ce ( ! ,holy ,roman ,empire1 & ri*1 s unhappy because he 0 oblig$ to visit 8 flock1 well %[s ! /ate ( ! episcopate "u ! r$undant reign ( ! great k+4 ,x 0 a prie/hood ( f9anci]s & valets4 ,only !re 0 at any rate a c]ta9 attraction1 !re 0 tal5t 9 e case2 :ile n[ bi%ops are n = ! mo/ "p less intrigu+ nor less s]vile1 b !y h no long] ei!r tal5t or mann]s4 ,caught 9 "p1 9 ! fi%pond ( bad prie/s1 !y %[ !mselves ready = ev]y?+1 & turn out to be s\ls ( old usur]s1 l[ jobb]s1 begg>s1 :5 y press !m4 ,x is sad to say x1 b s x is1 conclud$ ,durtal4 ,z = ,madame ,guyon1 he w5t on1 %e 0 nei!r an orig9al writ] nor a sa9t2 %e 0 only an unwelcome sub/itute = ! true my/ics2 %e 0 presum+ & c]ta9ly lack$ t humility :i* magnifi$ ,sa9t ,t]esa & ,sa9t ,cl>e2 b aft] all %e bur/ into a flame1 %e 0 ov]come by ,jesus2 above all1 %e 0 n a pi\s c\rti]1 a bigot s(t5$ by a c\rt l ! ,ma9t5on4 ,aft] all1 :at a "t = religion x 08 ,all its sa9ts h some?+ =mal & re/rict$1 wordy & cold1 :i* turns me away f !m4 ,sa9t ,francis de ,sales1 ,sa9t ,v9c5t de ,paul1 ,sa9t ,*antal 444 ,no1 ,i pref] ,sa9t ,francis ( ,assisi1 ,sa9t ,b]n>d1 ,sa9t ,angela 444 ,! ,my/icism ( ! sev5te5? c5tury is all ! fa%ion ) its emphatic & mean *ur*es1 its pomp\s & icy pa9t+1 its solemn poetry1 its gloomy prose4 ,b look1 he said1 my cell is /ill nei!r swept nor set 9 ord]1 & ,i am afraid t 9 l+]+ "h ,i may give "s tr\ble to ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,x ra9s1 h[ev]1 too h>d to all[ ( my walk+ 9 ! wood2 ! simple/ ?+ is to g & read ! ,little ,(fice ( ,our ,lady 9 ! *apel4 ,he w5t d[n !re2 x 0 at ?is h\r almo/ empty2 ! monks 7 at "w 9 ! fields or 9 ! factory2 two fa!rs only1 on _! knees be=e ! alt> ( ,our ,lady1 7 pray+ s absorb$ly t !y did n ev5 he> ! op5+ ( ! door4 ,& ,durtal1 :o _h plac$ himself ne> !m opposite ! por* :i* gave ^u ! high alt>1 saw !m reflect$ 9 ! %eet ( glass1 plac$ be=e ! %r9e ( ! ,bless$ ,gu]ric4 ,?is %eet _h inde$ ! effect ( a mirror1 & ! :ite fa!rs 7 9 ! dep?s ( x1 liv$ 9 pray]s "u ! table1 9 ! v he>t ( ! alt>4 ,& he also appe>$ !re 9 a corn]1 reflect$1 at ! back ( ! %r9e1 ne> ! sacr$ rema9s ( ! monk4 ,at "o mom5t he lift$ 8 head1 & saw t ! r\nd w9d[ 9 ! apse1 beh9d ! alt>1 reproduc$ on its glass ornam5t$ ) grey & blue1 ! m>ks engrav$ on ! rev]se ( ! m$al ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict1 ! fir/ lett]s ( its imp]ative =mulas1 ! initials ( its di/i*es4 ,x might h be5 call$ an imm5se cle> m$al1 sift+ a pale light1 /ra9+ x ?r\gh pray]s1 n all[+ !m to p5etrate to ! alt> till sanctifi$ & bless$ by ! ,patri>*4 ,& :ile he 0 dream+1 ! clock /ruck2 ! two ,trappi/s rega9$ _! /alls1 :ile ! o!rs ent]$4 ,wait+ ?us 9 ! *apel1 ! h\r ( ,sext _h /ruck4 ,! abbot advanc$4 ,durtal saw him aga9 = ! fir/ "t s9ce _! conv]sation2 he seem$ less ill1 less pale2 he m>*$ maje/ically 9 8 great :ite c[l1 at ! hood ( :i* hung a violet acorn1 & ! fa!rs b[$1 kiss+ _! sleeve be=e him2 he rea*$ 8 place1 :i* 0 designat$ by a wood5 cross /&+ be=e a /all1 & all enfold$ !mselves ) a great sign ( ! cross1 b[$ to ! alt>1 & ! feeble implor+ voice ( ! old ,trappi/ rose3 ,deus 9 adjutorium meum int5de4 ,& ! ,(fice cont9u$1 9 ! monoton\s & *>m+ pit* ( ! doxology1 int]rupt$ by pr(\nd rev]5ces1 l>ge movem5ts ( ! arm lift+ ! sleeve ( ! c[l z x fell to ! gr\nd1 to all[ ! h& fre$om to turn ! pages4 ,:5 ,sext 0 ov] ,durtal w5t to rejo9 ! oblate4 ,!y f\nd on ! table ( ! refectory a little omelette1 leeks cook$ 9 a sauce ( fl\r & oil1 h>icots & *eese4 ,x is a/oni%+1 said ,durtal1 h[ 9 reg>d to my/ics1 ! _w errs on preconceiv$ ideas1 on ! old /r+4 ,phr5ologi/s decl>e t my/ics h po9t$ skulls2 n[ "h t _! =m is m visible ?an else:]e1 because !y are all hairless & %av51 !re are no m heads l eggs ?an any:]e else4 ,i look$ ?is morn+ at ! %ape ( _! heads1 no two are alike4 ,"s are oval & depress$1 o!rs l a pe> & /raight1 "s h lumps on !m1 & "s h none2 & x is j ! same ) faces2 :5 !y are n transfigur$ by pray] !y are ord9>y4 ,if !y did n we> ! habit ( _! ord]1 no "o c\ld recognize 9 ^! ,trappi/s pr$e/9$ be+s liv+ out ( mod]n society1 9 ! full ,middle ,ages1 9 absolute dep5d5ce on a ,god4 ,if !y h s\ls :i* are n l ^? ( o!r p1 !y h1 aft] all1 faces & bodies l ^? ( ! fir/ com]4 ,all is )91 said ! oblate4 ,:y %\ld elect s\ls be enclos$ 9 fle%ly prisons diff]5t to o!rs8 ,?is conv]sation1 :i* cont9u$ on diff]5t po9ts ( ,trappi/ life1 end$ by turn+ on dea? 9 a mona/]y1 & ,m4 ,bruno reveal$ "s details4 ,:5 dea? is ne>1 he said1 ! ,fa!r abbot traces on ! gr\nd a cross 9 bless$ a%es cov]$ ) /raw1 & ! dy+ man is plac$ on x wrapp$ 9 s]ge clo?4 ,! bro!rs recite ne> him ! pray]s ( ! dy+1 & at ! mom5t ( 8 dea? ! response ',subv5ite ,sancti ,dei' is *ant$ 9 *oir4 ,! ,fa!r abbot inc5ses ! body1 :i* is wa%$ :ile ! monks s+ ! ,(fice ( ! ,dead 9 ano!r room4 ,!n 8 regul> habit is put on ! dead monk1 & he is borne 9 procession to ! *ur*1 :]e he lies on a /ret*] ) 8 face uncov]$1 until ! h\r de/9$ = ! fun]al4 ,!n on ! way to ! cemet]y ! community intones no long] ! *ant ( ! dead1 ! psalms ( grief1 & ! sequ5ces ( regret1 b r ',9 exitu ,israel de gypto1' :i* is ! psalm ( deliv]ance1 ! free song ( joy4 ,& ! ,trappi/ is buri$ )\t a c(f91 9 8 robe ( /uff1 8 head cov]$ ) 8 hood4 ,la/ly1 dur+ ?irty days1 8 place rema9s empty 9 ! refectory1 8 portion is s]v$ z usual1 b ! bro!r port] di/ributes x to ! poor4 ,ah6 ! happ9ess to die ?us1 said ! oblate1 z he end$1 = if "o dies aft] hav+ hone/ly fulfill$ "o's task 9 ! ord]1 "o is assur$ ( et]nal happ9ess1 accord+ to ! promises made by our ,"l to ,sa9t ,b5$ict & to ,sa9t ,b]n>d6 ,! ra9 is ov]1 said ,durtal2 ,i %\ld l to visit to-day t little *apel at ! end ( ! p>k ( :i* y spoke to me ! o!r day4 ,:i* is ! %orte/ way to rea* x8 ,m4 ,bruno told him ! way1 & ,durtal w5t (f1 roll+ a cig>ette1 to ga9 ! great pond1 !nce he /ruck a pa? to ! left & m\nt$ a lane ( trees4 ,he slipp$ on ! wet gr\nd1 & got on ) difficulty4 ,at la/1 h[ev]1 he ga9$ a clump ( *e/nuts1 :i* he skirt$4 ,beh9d ^! rose a dw>f t[] topp$ by a v small dome1 pi]c$ by a door4 ,to ! left & "r ( ?is door1 on sockets :]e ornam5ts ( ! ,romanesque epo* /ill 7 se5 "u ! velvety cru/ ( moss1 two /one angels 7 /ill /&+4 ,!y belong$1 evid5tly1 to ! ,burgundian s*ool1 ) _! big r\nd heads1 _! hair puff$ & divid$ into waves1 _! fat faces ) turn$-up noses1 _! solid drap]ies ) h>d folds4 ,!y also came f ! ru9s ( ! old cloi/]1 b ! int]ior ( ! *apel 0 un=tunately ?or\ghly mod]n2 x 0 s small t ! feet ( him :o knelt at ! alt> almo/ t\*$ ! wall at ! entrance4 ,9 a ni*e veil$ by :ite gauze a ,virg9 smil$ ) ext5d$ h&s4 ,%e _h blue pla/] eyes & apple-%ap$ *eeks4 ,%e 0 we>isome 9 h] insignificance1 b h] sanctu>y reta9$ ! w>m? ( places always %ut up4 ,! walls1 hung ) r$ calico1 7 du/$1 ! floor 0 swept1 & ! holy wat] bas9s full2 sup]b tea roses fl\ri%$ 9 pots betwe5 ! c&elabra4 ,durtal !n und]/ood :y he _h s (t5 se5 ,m4 ,bruno walk+ 9 ?is direction ) fl[]s 9 8 h&2 he 0 go+ to pray 9 ?is place1 :i* he lov$ no d\bt because x 0 isolat$ 9 ! pr(\nd solitude ( ?is ,trappi/ mona/]y4 ,excell5t man6 cri$ ,durtal1 ?9k+ ov] ! affectionate s]vices1 ! frat]nal c>e ! oblate _h _h = him2 & he add$1 ,he is a happy man too1 = he is self-conta9$1 & lives s placidly "h4 ,&1 inde$1 he w5t on1 :]e is ! good ( /riv+1 if n aga9/ oneself8 to agitate oneself = money1 = glory1 to conduct oneself s z to keep o!rs d[n1 & ga9 adulation f !m1 h[ va9 a task6 ,only ! ,*ur*1 9 deck+ ! tempor>y alt>s ( ! liturgical ye>1 9 =c+ ! seasons to foll[ /ep by /ep ! life ( ,*ri/1 has kn[n h[ to trace = u a plan ( necess>y occupations1 ( useful ends4 ,%e has giv5 u ! means ( walk+ always side by side ) ,jesus1 to live day by day ) ! ,gospels2 = ,*ri/ians %e has made "t ! mess5g] ( sorr[s & ! h]ald ( joys2 %e has entru/$ to ! ye> ! "p ( s]vant ( ! ,new ,te/am5t1 ! zeal\s emiss>y ( wor%ip4 ,& ,durtal reflect$ on ! cycle ( ! liturgy :i* beg9s on ! fir/ day ( ! religi\s ye>1 ) ,adv5t1 !n turns ) an ins5sible movem5t on itself till x returns aga9 to its />t+-po9t1 to ! "t :5 ! ,*ur* prep>es by p5it5ce & pray] to celebrate ,*ri/mas4 ,& turn+ ov] 8 pray]-book1 see+ ! extraord9>y circle ( (fices1 he ?\ght ( t prodigi\s jewel1 t cr[n ( ,k+ ,reccesw9! pres]v$ 9 ! ,museum ( ,cluny4 ,! liturgical ye> 01 l x1 /udd$ ) cry/als & jewels by its admirable canticles & its f]v5t hymns set 9 ! v gold ( ,b5$ictions & ,vesp]s4 ,x seem$ t ! ,*ur* _h sub/itut$ = t cr[n ( ?orns ) :i* ! ,jews _h surr\nd$ ! temples ( ! ,savi\r1 ! truly royal cr[n ( ! ,prop] ( ! ,seasons1 ! only "o :i* 0 *isell$ 9 a metal preci\s en\gh1 ) art pure en\gh to d>e to place itself on ! br[ ( a ,god4 ,& ! gr& ,lapid>y _h begun 8 "w by incru/+1 9 ?is diadem ( (fices1 ! hymn ( ,sa9t ,ambrose1 & ! invocation tak5 f ! ,old ,te/am5t1 ! ,rorate ,coeli1 t melodi\s *ant ( expectation & regret1 t obscure gem violet-col\r$2 ! lu/re decl>es itself !n1 :5 aft] ea* ( its /anzas rises ! solemn pray] ( ! patri>*s1 call+ = ! long$-= pres5ce ( ,*ri/4 ,& ! f\r ,sundays ( ,adv5t disappe>$ ) ! turn$ pages ( ! pray]-book2 ! night ( ! ,nativity 0 come4 ,aft] ! ,jesu ,r$emptor ( ,vesp]s1 ! old ,portuguese *ant1 ! ,ade/e ,fideles1 arose at ,b5$iction f e lip4 ,x 0 a sequ5ce ( a truly *>m+ simplicity1 an old c>v+ :]e9 defil$ ! %eph]ds & ! k+s to a popul> air appropriate to great m>*es1 apt to *>m1 to aid by ! some:at milit>y rhy?m ( its /eps1 ! long l9es ( ! fai?ful quitt+ _! cottages to g to ! di/ant *ur*es 9 ! t[ns4 ,& imp]ceptibly1 l ! ye> 9 an invisible rotation1 ! circle turn$1 & /opp$ at ! ,fea/ ( ! ,holy ,innoc5ts1 :]e !re fl\ri%$ out1 l a fl[] f a slaught]-h\se1 on a %oot cull$ f a soil irrigat$ by ! blood ( lambs1 ?is sequ5ce1 r$1 & smell+ ( roses1 ! ,salvate ,flores ,m>tyrum ( ,prud5tius2 ! cr[n mov$ aga91 & ! hymn ( ! ,epiphany1 ! ,crudelis ,h]odes ( ,s$udius1 appe>$ 9 its turn4 ,n[ ! ,sundays grew heavy1 ! violet ,sundays :5 ! ,gloria 9 ,excelsis is no m he>d1 :5 ! ,audi ,b5igne ( ,sa9t ,ambrose is *ant$1 & ! ,mis]]e1 t c9d]-col\r$ psalm1 :i* is p]haps ! mo/ p]fect ma/]piece :i* ! ,*ur* has ev] drawn f h] /ore-h\ses ( pla9 *ants4 ,x 0 ,l5t1 :5 ! ame?y/s fade 9 ! moi/ grey ( onyxes1 9 ! embr[n$ :ite ( qu>tz1 & ! magnific5t invocation1 ,att5de ,dom9e1 rose b5ea? ! ar*es4 ,sprung l ! ,rorate ,coeli f ! sequ5ces ( ! ,old ,te/am5t1 ?is humble & contrite *ant1 enum]at+ ! des]v$ puni%m5ts ( s9s1 became1 if n m sorr[ful1 at all ev5ts m grave & m press+ :5 x confirm$1 :5 x resum$ 9 ! initial /anza ( its bur!n1 ! av[al ( %ame already confess$4 ,& sudd5ly on ?is cr[n !re bur/ out aft] ! expir+ fires ( ,l5t1 ! flam+ ruby ( ! ,passion4 ,on ! upturn$ yell[ ( ! sky a r$ cross 0 rais$1 :ile maje/ic %\ts & despair+ cries proclaim$ ! blood-/a9$ fruit ( ! tree2 & ! ,vexilla ,regis 0 aga9 repeat$ ! foll[+ ,sunday at ! ,fea/ ( ,palms1 :i* jo9$ to t ,sequ5ce ( ,=tunatus ! gre5 hymn :i* x accompani$ ) a silky noise ( palms1 ! ,gloria laus et honor ( ,!odulph4 ,!n ! fires ( preci\s /ones grew grey & di$4 ,to ! gl[+ coals ( gems succe$$ ! dead c9d]s ( obsidians1 black /ones sc>cely swell+1 )\t a gleam above ! t>ni%$ gold ( _! m\nt+s2 "o ent]$ no ,holy ,week1 ev]y:]e ! ,pange ,l+ua & ! ,/abat ,mat] wail$ "u ! ar*es1 & !n came ! ,t5ebr1 ! lam5tations1 & ! psalms1 ^: knell %ook ! flame ( ! br[n wax5 tap]s1 & aft] ea* halt1 at ! end ( ea* ( ! psalms1 "o ( ! tap]s expir$1 & its column ( blue smoke evaporat$ /ill "u ! light$ circumf]5ce ( ! ar*es1 :ile ! *oir recomm5c$ ! int]rupt$ s]ies ( compla9ts4 ,& ! cr[n turn$ once m2 ! beads ( ?is musical ros>y /ill ran on1 & all *ang$4 ,jesus _h ris51 & songs ( joy issu$ f ! organs4 ,! ,victim ,pas*ali ,laudes exult$ be=e ! gospel ( ! masses1 & at ! ,b5$iction ! ,o ,filii et ,fili1 creat$ inde$ to be inton$ by ! wild jubilations ( cr[ds1 ran & sport$ 9 ! joy\s hurricane ( ! organs1 :i* uproot$ ! pill>s & unro($ ! naves4 ,& ! fea/s rung 9 ) bells foll[$ at long] int]vals4 ,at ,asc5sion ! heavy & cle> cry/als ( ,sa9t ,ambrose fill$ ) _! lum9\s wat] ! t9y bas9 ( ! catk9s2 ! fire ( rubies & g>nets light$ up aga9 ) ! crimson hymn & sc>let sequ5ce ( ,p5teco/ ! ,v5i ,creator & ,v5i ,spiritus4 ,! ,fea/ ( ! ,tr9ity pass$1 signaliz$ by ! /anzas ( ,gregory ! ,great2 & = ! ,fea/ ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 ! liturgy c\ld exhibit ! mo/ m>vell\s jewel case ( its d[]1 ! ,(fice ( ,sa9t ,?omas1 ! ,pange ,l+ua1 ! ,adore ,te1 ! ,sacris ,solemniis1 ! ,v]bum ,sup]num1 & above all ! ,lauda ,sion1 t pure ma/]piece ( ,lat9 poetry & s*ola/icism1 t hymn s precise1 s lucid 9 its ab/raction1 s firm 9 its rhym$ words1 r\nd :i* is roll$ ! melody p]haps ! mo/ en?usia/ic1 ! mo/ supple 9 pla9 *ant4 ,! circle displac$ itself aga91 %[+ on its diff]5t faces ! tw5ty-?ree to tw5ty-eight ,sundays :i* defile aft] ,p5teco/1 ! gre5 weeks ( ! "t ( ,pilgrimage1 & /opp$ at ! la/ fea/1 at ! ,sunday aft] ! ,octave ( ,all ,sa9ts1 at ! ,d$ication ( ,*ur*es :i* ! ,coele/is ,urbs inc5s$1 old /anzas ( :i* ! ru9s 7 badly consolidat$ by ! ar*itects ( ,urban ,,viii41 old jewels1 on :i* ! tr\bl$ wat] slept & 0 reanimat$ only 9 r>e lights4 ,! juncture ( ! religi\s cr[n1 ( ! liturgical ye>1 0 !n made at ! masses1 9 :i* ! gospel ( ! la/ ,sunday aft] ,p5teco/1 ! ,gospel accord+ to ,sa9t ,mat!w1 repeats1 z well z ! ,gospel accord+ to ,sa9t ,luke1 recit$ on ! fir/ ,sunday 9 ,adv5t1 ! t]rible pr$ictions ( ,*ri/ on ! desolation ( ! "t1 on ! end ( ! _w4 ,?is is n all1 ,durtal cont9u$1 :o 0 int]e/$ 9 ?is run ?r\gh 8 pray]-book4 ,9 ?is cr[n ( ! ,prop] ( ! ,seasons are ins]t$1 l small] /ones1 ! sequ5ces ( ! ,prop] ( ,sa9ts :i* fill ! empty places1 & f9i% ! r\nd ( ! circle4 ,fir/ ! pe>ls & gems ( ! ,bless$ ,virg91 ! limpid jewels1 ! blue sapphires & rose rubies ( h] antiphons2 !n ! aquam>9e1 s lucid & pure1 ( ! ',ave ,m>is ,/ella1' ! topaz1 pale z te>s1 ( ! ',o ,quot nudis ,lacrym>um' on ! ,fea/ ( ! ,sev5 ,dol\rs1 ! hyac9?1 col\r ( dri$ blood1 ( ! ',/abat2' !n 7 told ! fea/s ( ! ,angels & ! ,sa9ts1 ! hymns d$icat$ to ! ,apo/les & ! ,evangeli/s1 to ! ,m>tyrs1 :e!r solit>y or 9 c\ples1 bo? out ( & dur+ ! ,pas*al season1 to ! ,confessors1 ,pontiffs1 & non-,pontiffs1 to ,virg9s1 to ,holy ,wom51 all ,fea/s diff]5tiat$ by special ,sequ5ces1 by special ,proses ( :i* "s are v simple1 l ^? /anzas made 9 hon\r ( ! ,nativity ( ,sa9t ,john ! ,bapti/1 by ,paul ! ,deacon4 ,!re /ill rema9s ,all ,sa9ts1 ) ! ',plac>e ,*ri/e1' & ! ?ree bl[s on ! al>m bell1 ! knell 9 triplets ( ! ',dies ,ir1' :i* res\nds on ! day set ap>t = ! ,commemoration ( ! ,dead4 ,:at an imm5se fund ( poetry1 :at an incomp>able e/ate ( art ! ,*ur* possesses6 he cri$1 clos+ 8 book2 & _m memories rose = him at ?is excursion into 8 pray]-book4 ,on h[ _m ev5+s _h ! sadness ( life be5 dissipat$ 9 li/5+ to ^! proses *ant$ 9 ! *ur*es6 ,he ?\ght ov] aga9 ( ! suppliant voice ( ,adv5t1 & recall$ "o ev5+1 :5 he _h w&]$ "u a f9e ra9 along ! quays4 ,he _h be5 driv5 f home by ignoble visions1 & at ! same "t _h be5 h>ass$ by ! increas+ disgu/ ( 8 vices4 ,he _h end$ by be+ br\ght up aga9/ 8 w at ,/4 ,g]vais4 ,9 ! *apel ( ! ,virg91 "s poor wom5 7 pro/rate4 ,he _h knelt1 tir$ & daz$1 8 s\l s ill at ease1 t he slumb]$ )\t p[] to wake himself4 ,"s m5 & boys ( ! *oir 7 in/all$ 9 ! *apel1 ) two or ?ree prie/s2 !y _h light$ c&les1 & ! voice1 light & su/a9$1 ( a *ild1 _h 9 ! d>k ( ! *ur* *ant$ ! long antiphons ( ! ,rorate4 ,9 ! /ate ( ov]:elm+ sadness 9 :i* he 0 /agnant1 ,durtal felt himself op5 & ble$+ to ! bottom ( 8 s\l2 !n a voice old] & less trembl+1 :i* und]/ood ! words x said1 n>rat$ +5u\sly1 almo/ )\t confusion1 to ! ,j ,"o1 ,peccavimus et facti sumus tanquam immundus nos4 ,& ,durtal took up ^! words1 & spelt !m ov] 9 t]ror1 ?9k+1 ,ah6 yes1 we h s9n$ & become l ! lepr\s1 ,o ,"l6 ,& ! *ant cont9u$1 & 9 ,8 turn1 ! ,mo/ ,high borr[$ t same innoc5t organ ( *ildhood1 to decl>e to man ,8 pity1 & to confirm to him ! p>don assur$ by ! com+ ( ! ,son4 ,& ! ev5+ _h end$ by ! ,b5$iction 9 pla9 *ant1 9 ! mid/ ( ! sil5ce & pro/ration ( unhappy wom54 ,durtal rememb]$ h[ he left ! *ur* refre%$1 fre$ f 8 haunt+s1 & he _h gone away 9 ! drizzl+ ra91 surpris$ t ! way 0 s %ort1 humm+ ! ,rorate1 ( :i* ! air _h tak5 possession ( him1 end+ by see+ 9 x ! p]sonal t\* ( a k9dly unkn[n4 ,& !re 7 o!r ev5+s 444 ! ,octave ( ! ,fea/ ( ,all ,s\ls at ,/4 ,sulpice & at ,/4 ,?omas ,aqu9as1 :]e1 aft] ! ,vesp]s ( ! ,dead1 !y br\ght out aga9 ! old ,sequ5ce :i* has disappe>$ f ! ,roman ,brevi>y1 ! ,lanqu5tilus 9 ,purgatorio4 ,?is *ur* 0 ! only "o 9 ,p>is :i* _h reta9$ ^! pages ( ! ,gallican hymnal1 & _h !m sung by two basses )\t a *oir2 b ^! s+]s1 s poor z a rule1 no d\bt 7 fond ( ?is air1 = if !y did n s+ x ) art1 at lea/ !y put a little s\l into its deliv]y4 ,& ?is invocation to ! ,madonna1 9 :i* %e 0 adjur$ to save ! s\ls 9 ,purgatory1 0 z sorr[ful z ! s\ls !mselves1 & s melan*oly1 s languid1 t ! surr\nd+s 7 =gott51 ! ugl9ess ( t sanctu>y ( :i* ! *oir 0 a !atre sc5e1 surr\nd$ by clos$ dress+-rooms & g>ni%$ ) lu/res1 "o might ?9k oneself = a few mom5ts f> f ,p>is1 f> f t population ( dev\t wom5 & s]vant girls1 :i* att5d t place 9 ! ev5+4 ,ah6 ! ,*ur*1 he said to himself1 z he desc5d$ ! pa? :i* l$ to ! great pond1 :at a "m ( art is %e6 & sudd5ly ! noise ( a body fall+ into ! wat] int]rupt$ 8 reflections4 ,he look$ beh9d ! h$ge ( re$s & saw no?+ b great circles runn+ on ! wat]1 & all at once 9 "o ( ^! r+s a small dog-l head appe>$ hold+ a fi% 9 its m\?2 ! bea/ rais$ itself a little out ( ! wat]1 %[$ a ?9 body cov]$ ) fur1 & gaz$ on ,durtal quietly ) its little black eyes4 ,!n 9 a fla% x pass$ ! di/ance :i* sep>at$ x f ! bank1 & disappe>$ "u ! grasses4 ,x is ! ott]1 he said to himself1 rememb]+ ! discussion at table betwe5 ! /rang] prie/ & ! oblate4 ,& he w5t to ga9 ! o!r pond1 :5 he enc\nt]$ ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,he told him 8 adv5ture4 ,impossible6 cri$ ! monk1 no "o has ev] se5 ! ott]2 y mu/ h mi/ak5 x = a wat] rat1 or "s o!r animal1 = t bea/1 = :i* we h wat*$ = ye>s1 is invisible4 ,durtal gave him a description ( x4 ,x is c]ta9ly ! ott]1 admitt$ ! gue/-ma/]1 surpris$4 ,x 0 evid5t t ?is ott] liv$ 9 ! pond 9 a leg5d>y /ate4 ,9 monoton\s lives1 9 days l ^? 9 a cloi/]1 x took ! proportions ( a fabul\s subject1 ( an ev5t :]e( ! my/]y w\ld occupy int]vals seiz$ betwe5 pray]s & (fices4 ,we mu/ po9t out to ,m4 ,bruno ! exact spot :]e y rem>k$ x1 = he w beg9 to hunt x aga91 said ,fa!r ,eti5ne aft] a sil5ce4 ,b h[ c x tr\ble y 9 eat+ y\r fi%1 s9ce y d n angle = !m8 ,i beg y\r p>don2 we fi% = !m to s5d !m to ! ,ar*bi%op1 answ]$ ! monk1 :o w5t on3 ,/ill1 x is v /range t y saw ! bea/6 ,:5 ,i leave ?is1 ?\ght ,durtal1 !y w c]ta9ly speak ( me z ! g5tleman :o saw ! ott]4 ,:ile talk+1 !y _h arriv$ at ! cross pond4 ,look1 said ! fa!r1 po9t+ out ! swan1 :o rose 9 a fury1 beat 8 w+s1 & hiss$4 ,:at is ! matt] ) him8 ,! matt] is t ! :ite hue ( my habit infuriates him4 ,ah6 & :y8 ,i d n "k2 p]haps he wants to be ! only "o :o is :ite "h2 he sp>es ! lay bro!rs1 :ile z = a fa!r 444 wait1 y w see4 ,& ! gue/-ma/] walk$ quietly t[>ds ! swan4 ,come1 he said to ! angry creature1 :o spla%$ him ) wat]2 & he held out 8 h& :i* ! swan snapp$4 ,see1 said ! monk1 %[+ ! m>k ( a r$ p9* pr9t$ on ! fle%4 ,& he smil$1 hold+ 8 h&1 & quitt$ ,durtal1 :o ask$ himself :e!r1 9 act+ ?us1 ! ,trappi/ 7 n wi%+ to inflict on himself "s corporal puni%m5t to atone = "s di/raction ! ev5+ be=e2 "s peccadillo4 ,t /roke ( ! beak mu/ h p9*$ him horribly1 = ! te>s came into 8 eyes4 ,h[ c\ld he expose himself ) joy to su* a bite8 ,& he rememb]$ t "o day at ! (fice ( ,none1 "o ( ! "y monks made a mi/ake 9 ! tone ( an antiphon2 at ! mom5t t ! (fice end$1 he knelt be=e ! alt>1 !n he lay 8 :ole l5g? on ! tiles on 8 face1 8 m\? press$ on ! gr\nd1 till ! /roke ( ! prior's bell gave him ! ord] to get up4 ,?is 0 a volunt>y puni%m5t = a neglig5ce committ$1 a =getfulness4 ,:o kn[s :e!r ,fa!r ,eti5ne did n 9 8 turn puni% himself = a ?\ght he deem$ to bord] on s91 9 gett+ himself ?us p9*$8 ,he consult$ ! oblate on ! po9t 9 ! ev5+1 b ,m4 ,bruno cont5t$ himself ) a smile1 )\t answ]+4 ,& :5 ,durtal spoke to him ( 8 spe$y dep>ture = ,p>is1 ! old man %ook 8 head4 ,consid]+1 he said1 ! fe> & ! discom=t t ,communion caus$ y1 y w\ld act wisely if y approa* ! ,holy ,table imm$iately on y\r return4 ,& see+ t ,durtal did n reply1 b hung 8 head1 ,believe a man :o has kn[n ^! trials2 if y d n =ce y\rself :ile y are /ill "u ! w>m impression ( ,la ,trappe1 y w float betwe5 desire & regret )\t advanc+2 y w be +5i\s 9 discov]+ excuses = n mak+ y\r confession2 y w try to ?9k x impossible to f9d 9 ,p>is an abb :o und]/&s y4 ,n[ all[ me to assure y no?+ is m false4 ,if y desire an exp]t & easy confidant1 g to ! ,jesuits2 if y wi% above all a zeal\s-s\l$ prie/1 g to ,/4 ,sulpice4 ,y w f9d !re hone/ & intellig5t ecclesia/ics1 excell5t he>ts4 ,9 ,p>is1 :]e ! cl]gy ( ! p>i%es are s mix$1 !y are at ! top ( ! basket ( ! prie/hood1 &1 z may be imag9$1 !y =m a community1 live 9 cells1 d n d9e out2 & z ! ,sulpician rule =bids !m to aspire to hon\rs1 or places1 !y d n run ! *ance ( becom+ bad prie/s by ambition4 ,d y "k !m8 ,no2 b to resolve t "q1 :i* 9 fact con/antly tr\bles me1 ,i c\nt on a prie/ :om ,i (t5 see1 on ! v man :o1 9 fact1 s5t me into ?is ,trappi/ mona/]y4 ,& t1 he w5t on1 makes me rememb]1 & he rose to g to ,compl9e1 t ,i h z yet =gott5 to write to him4 ,x is true t n[ x is too late1 ,i %\ld arrive at 8 h\se almo/ z soon z my lett]4 ,x is /range1 b by =ce ( walk+ 9 "o's own1 by =ce ( liv+ to oneself1 ! days run by1 & !re is no "t to d any?+ "h6 ,,*apt] ,,viii4 ,he _h hop$ = 8 la/ day at ,la ,trappe a morn+ ( quiet1 :5 8 m9d might l\nge1 a mixture ( spiritual sie/a & ( work+1 *>m$ by a r\nd ( (fices1 & n at all t ! idea p]si/5t & ob/9ate t he mu/ quit ! mona/]y next day1 w\ld spoil all ! pleasures he _h promis$ himself4 ,n[ t he _h no long] to cleanse himself1 & pass "u ! w9n[+ ( confession1 to pres5t himself = ! ,communion 9 ! morn+1 he rema9$ irresolute1 n kn[+ any long] h[ to occupy 8 "t1 t]rifi$ by ! recomm5cem5t ( t life ( ! _w :i* w\ld upset all ! b>ri]s ( =getfulness1 & w\ld get at him at once above all ! brok5 def5ces ( ! cloi/]4 ,l a captur$ animal1 he began to rub aga9/ ! b>s ( 8 cage1 made ! t\r ( ! enclosure1 fill+ 8 sight ) ^? places :]e he _h ta/$ h\rs s k9dly & s cruel4 ,he felt 9 himself a %ak+ ( ! gr\nd1 a di/urbance ( s\l1 an absolute disc\ragem5t be=e ! prospect ( re-ent]+ into 8 habitual exi/5ce1 ( mix+ himself anew ) ! com+ & go+ ( m51 & he exp]i5c$ at ! same "t a great fatigue ( bra94 ,he dragg$ himself along ! walks 9 a /ate ( complete discom=t1 9 "o ( ^? attacks ( religi\s sple5 :i* det]m9e1 :ile !y la/ dur+ ye>s1 ! tdium vit ( ! cloi/]s4 ,he _h a horror ( any life b ?is1 & ! s\l ov]wr\ght by pray]s 0 fail+ 9 a body insuffici5tly re/$ & ill-n\ri%$2 x _h no fur!r desire1 ask$ only to be let alone1 to sleep1 to fall into "o ( ^? /ates ( torpor 9 :i* ev]y?+ becomes indiff]5t1 9 :i* "o ends by los+ consci\sness g5tly1 by be+ /ifl$ )\t suff]+4 ,he might well1 to re-act on him z a consolation1 promise himself to assi/ 9 ,p>is at ! (fices ( ! ,b5$ict9e nuns1 t he w\ld keep himself on ! outskirts ( society1 to himself2 & he 0 at once oblig$ to answ] t ^! subt]fuges are impossible1 t ! v movem5t ( ! t[n is aga9/ all decoys1 t isolation 9 a *amb] is 9 no degree l ! solitude ( a cell1 t masses celebrat$ 9 a *apel op5 to ! public _c be lik5$ to ! private ,(fices ( ! ,trappi/s4 ,!n :at is ! good ( try+ to misund]/&8 ,x is ) ! s\l z ) ! body1 :i* is bett] on ! sea %ore1 or 9 ! m\nta9s1 ?an %ut up 9 a t[n4 ,!re is a bett] spiritual air ev5 at ,p>is1 9 c]ta9 religi\s qu>t]s ( ! left bank1 ?an 9 ! di/ricts situat$ on ! o!r bank1 m lively 9 c]ta9 *ur*es1 m pure1 = example1 at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires ?an 9 *ur*es su* z ,la ,tr9it & ! ,madele9e4 ,b ! mona/]y 01 z x 71 ! true %ore & high plateau ( ! s\l4 ,!re ! atmosph]e 0 balsamic1 /r5g? return$1 lo/ appetite = ,god 0 !re recov]$1 !re 0 heal? succe$+ weakness1 a regim51 =tifi$ & su/a9$1 in/ead ( languor & ! re/rict$ ex]cises ( ! t[ns4 ,! conviction t no trick]y 0 possible to him at ,p>is br\ght him to ! gr\nd4 ,he w&]$ f cell to *apel1 f *apel to woods1 await+ ! d9n] h\r ) impati5ce1 9 ord] to be able to speak to someone1 = 9 8 disord] a new ne$ arose4 ,= m ?an a week he _h sp5t ! :ole aft]noon )\t op5+ 8 lips2 he did n suff] f x1 0 ev5 satisfi$ ) 8 sil5ce1 b s9ce he 0 press$ by ?is idea ( dep>ture he c\ld n keep sil5ce any long]1 ?\ght al\d 9 ! walks to assuage ! s5sations ( 8 swell+ he>t1 t /ifl$ him4 ,m4 ,bruno 0 too sagaci\s n to guess ! uneas9ess ( 8 companion1 :o became by turns taciturn & ov] talkative dur+ ! meal4 ,he made1 h[ev]1 z ?\gh he saw no?+1 b aft] he _h said grace he disappe>$1 & ,durtal1 :o 0 /roll+ ne> ! great pond1 0 surpris$ to see him com+ 9 8 direction ) ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,!y greet$ him1 & ! ,trappi/ ) a smile propos$ to him1 if he _h made no o!r plan1 to pass 8 "t 9 visit+ ! conv5t1 & especially ! libr>y1 :i* ! ,fa!r prior w\ld be delight$ to %[ him4 ,if conv5i5t to me6 ,i %all be delight$6 cri$ ,durtal4 ,all ?ree return$ t[>ds ! abbey2 ! monk lift$ ! lat* ( a little door fa%ion$ 9 a wall ne> ! *ur*1 & ,durtal ent]$ a m9ute cemet]y1 plant$ ) wood5 crosses on grass graves4 ,!re 0 no inscription1 no fl[] 9 ?is enclosure :i* !y trav]s$2 ! monk pu%$ ano!r door1 :i* op5$ on a long corridor smell+ ( rats4 ,at ! end ( ?is gall]y1 ,durtal recogniz$ ! /aircase he _h asc5d$ "o morn+ = 8 confession 9 ! prior's room4 ,!y left x on _! "r1 turn$ into ano!r gall]y1 & ! gue/-ma/] l$ !m into an imm5se hall1 pi]c$ by high w9d[s1 decorat$ ) eighte5? c5tury pi]-glasses1 & grisailles2 x 0 furni%$ only ) b5*es & /alls1 above :i* 0 a s+le *air sculptur$ & pa9t$ ) abbatial arms1 :i* m>k$ ! place ( ,dom ,anselm4 ,oh6 ?is *apt]-h\se has no?+ mona/ic1 said ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 designat+ ! pr(ane pictures on ! walls2 we h kept j z x 0 ! draw+-room ( ?is old *ateau1 b ,i beg y to believe t ?is decoration h>dly pleases u4 ,& :at takes place 9 ?is hall8 ,well1 we meet "h aft] mass2 ! *apt] op5s by read+ ! m>tyrology1 foll[$ by ! conclud+ pray]s ( ,prime4 ,!n we read a passage f ! rule1 & ! ,fa!r abbot comm5ts on x4 ,la/ly1 we practise ! ex]cise ( humility1 t is to say1 t :oev] among u has committ$ any fault aga9/ ! rule1 pro/rates himself1 & av[s x be=e 8 bre?r54 ,!y w5t !nce to ! refectory4 ,?is room _h also a high ceil+1 b 0 small]1 & g>ni%$ ) tables 9 =m ( a horse-%oe4 ,a k9d ( l>ge cruets1 ea* conta9+ two half-bottles ( w9e & wat]1 sep>at$ by a wat] bottle1 & be=e !m1 in/ead ( glasses1 cups ( br[n e>!nw>e1 ) two h&les1 7 plac$ at equal di/ances4 ,! monk expla9$ t ^! %am cruets ) ?ree bran*es indicat$ ! place ( two cov]s1 ea* monk hav+ a "r to 8 half bottle ( dr9k1 & p>tak+ ) 8 neighb\r ! wat] 9 ! bottle4 ,?is pulpit1 said ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 po9t+ out a l>ge wood5 box fix$ aga9/ ! wall1 is de/9$ = ! read] ( ! week1 ! fa!r :o reads dur+ ! meal4 ,h[ long does ! meal la/8 ,j half an h\r4 ,yes2 & ! cook]y :i* we eat is delicate 9 comp>ison ) t :i* is s]v$ to ! monks1 said ! oblate4 ,i %\ld lie if ,i 7 to affirm t we make good *e]1 answ]$ ! gue/-ma/]4 ,d y "k t ! h>de/ ?+ to be>1 9 ! e>li] "t especially1 is ! want ( season+ 9 our di%es4 ,pepp] & spices are =bidd5 by our rule1 & z no salt-cell> has place on our table1 we swall[ our food j z x is1 & x is = ! mo/ "p sc>cely salt$4 ,on c]ta9 days 9 summ]1 :5 "o sweats 9 big drops1 ?is becomes almo/ impossible1 ! gorge rises4 ,yet "o mu/ beg9 ^u ?is w>m pa/e1 & at lea/ swall[ a suffici5t quantity n to give out be=e ! next day2 we look at ea* o!r disc\rag$1 unable to get any fur!r2 !re is n ano!r ^w to def9e our d9n] 9 ! mon? ( ,augu/1 x is a puni%m5t4 ,& all1 ! ,fa!r abbot1 ! prior1 ! fa!rs1 ! bre?r51 h ! same food8 ,all4 ,n[ come & see ! dormitory4 ,!y asc5d$ to ! fir/ floor4 ,an imm5se corridor1 furni%$ l a /able ) wood5 boxes1 ext5d$ be=e !m1 clos$ at ea* end by a door4 ,?is is our lodg+1 said ! monk1 z he /opp$ be=e "o ( ^! cases4 ,c>ds 7 plac$ on !m1 affix+ ! "n ( ea* monk1 & ! fir/ bore a ticket ) ?is inscription3 ,! ,fa!r ,abbot4 ,durtal felt ! b$ aga9/ "o ( ! two walls4 ,x 0 z r\gh z a c>d+ comb1 & z bit+ z a file4 ,x 0 compos$ ( a simple quilt$ paillasse ext5d$ on a plank2 no %eets1 b a prison cov]let ( grey wool1 a sack ( /raw in/ead ( pill[s4 ,god6 x is v h>d1 said ,durtal1 & ! monk laugh$4 ,our habits s(t5 ! r\ghness ( ?is /raw mattress1 he said2 = our rule does n all[ u to undress1 we may only take (f our %oes1 !re=e we sleep entirely clad1 our head wrapp$ 9 our hood4 ,& x mu/ be cold 9 ?is corridor swept by all ! w9ds1 add$ ,durtal4 ,no d\bt ! w9t] is r\gh "h1 b x is n t season :i* al>ms u2 we live pretty well1 ev5 )\t fire 9 "t ( fro/1 b ! summ]--6 ,if y knew :at x is to wake 9 habits /ill /eep$ 9 sweat1 n dri$ s9ce ! ev5+ be=e1 x is t]rible6 ,!n1 ?\gh because ( ! great heat we h (t5 h>dly slept1 we mu/ be=e dawn jump out ( b$1 & beg9 at once ! great night (fice1 ! ,vigils1 :i* la/ at lea/ two h\rs4 ,ev5 aft] tw5ty ye>s ( ,trappi/ life1 "o _c b suff] at t gett+ up2 9 *apel y fight aga9/ sleep :i* cru%es y1 y sleep :ile y he> a v]se *ant$1 y /rive to keep awake1 9 ord] to be able to *ant ano!r1 & fall asleep aga94 ,"o ought to be able to turn ! key on ?\ght1 & "o is incapable ( x4 ,truly1 ,i assure y t ev5 beyond ! corporal fatigue :i* expla9s t /ate 9 ! morn+1 !re is !n an aggression ( ! demon1 an incessant temptation to make u recite ! (fice badly4 ,& y all und]go ?is /rife8 ,all2 & ?is does n h9d]1 conclud$ ! monk1 ^: face 0 radiant1 ?is does n h9d] u f be+ v happy "h4 ,because all ^! trials are no?+ beside ! deep & intimate joys :i* our good ,god gives u4 ,ah6 ,he is a g5]\s ,ma/]2 he pays u a hundr$-fold = our poor sorr[s4 ,z !y spoke1 !y _h pass$ ?r\gh ! corridor & _h arriv$ at its o!r end4 ,! monk op5$ ! door1 & ,durtal 0 a/\nd$ to f9d himself 9 a ve/ibule j opposite 8 own cell4 ,i did n ?9k1 he said1 t ,i 0 liv+ s ne> y4 ,?is h\se is a regul> labyr9?--b ,m4 ,bruno w take y to ! libr>y :]e ! ,fa!r prior is wait+ = y2 = ,i mu/ g to my bus9ess4 ,we %all meet pres5tly1 he said1 ) a smile4 ,! libr>y 0 situat$ on ! o!r side ( ! /aircase by :i* ,durtal rea*$ 8 *amb]4 ,x 0 l>ge1 furni%$ ) %elves f top to bottom1 occupi$ 9 ! middle by a sort ( c\nt] table on :i* also 7 spread r[s ( books4 ,fa!r ,maxim9 said to ,durtal1 ,we are n v ri*1 b at any rate we possess tools = "w fairly complete on !ology & ! monography ( ! cloi/]s4 ,y h sup]b volumes1 cri$ ,durtal1 :o look$ at magnific5t folios 9 spl5did b9d+s ) armorial be>+s4 ,wait2 "h are ! works ( ,sa9t ,b]n>d 9 a f9e edition1 & ! monk pres5t$ to ,durtal enorm\s volumes1 pr9t$ 9 heavy lett]s on crackl+ pap]4 ,:5 ,i ?9k t ,i promis$ myself to make acqua9tance ) ,sa9t ,b]n>d 9 ?is v abbey :i* he f\nd$1 & "h ,i am on ! eve ( my dep>ture1 & h read no?+6 ,y d n "k 8 works8 ,yes2 scatt]$ fragm5ts ( 8 s]mons & ( 8 lett]s4 ,i h run ?r\gh "s select m$iocres ( 8 works1 b t is all4 ,he is our *ief ma/] "h2 b he is n ! only "o ( our ance/ors 9 ,sa9t ,b5$ict :om ! conv5t possesses1 said ! monk ) a c]ta9 pride4 ,see1 & he po9t$ out on ! %elves "s heavy folios1 "h3 ',sa9t ,gregory ! ,great1' ',v5]able ,b$e1' ',sa9t ,pet] ,damian1' ',sa9t ,anselm4' 444 ,& y\r fri5ds are !re1 he said1 foll[+ ,durtal ) a glance z he read ! titles ( ! volumes1 ',sa9t ,t]esa1' ',sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross1' ',sa9t ,magdal5 ( ,pazzi1' ',sa9t ,angela1' ',taul]1' 444 & %e :o l ,si/] ,emm]i* dictat$ h] conv]sations ) ,jesus dur+ h] ec/asy4 ,& ! prior took f ! range ( books 9 octavo1 ,! ,dialogues ( ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a4 ,t ,dom9ican nun is t]rible = ! prie/s ( h] "t1 ! monk w5t on4 ,%e insi/s on _! misde$s1 reproa*es !m r\ndly ) sell+ ! ,holy ,_s1 ) practis+ sortilege1 & ) us+ ! ,sacram5t to compose evil *>ms4 ,& !re are besides ! disord]ly vices ( :i* %e accuses !m 9 ! s]ies conc]n+ ! s9 ( ! fle%1 add$ ! oblate4 ,c]ta9ly1 %e does n m9ce h] words1 b %e _h ! "r to take up t tone1 & m5ace 9 ! "n ( ! ,"l1 = %e 0 truly inspir$ by ,him4 ,h] doctr9e 0 drawn f div9e s\rces4 ',doctr9a ejus infusa non acquisita1' says ! ,*ur* 9 ! bull ( h] canonization4 ,h] ,dialogues are admirable2 ! pages 9 :i* ,god exposes ! holy frauds :i* ,he sometimes uses to recall m5 to good1 ! passages 9 :i* %e treats ( ! mona/ic life1 ( t b>que :i* possesses ?ree ropes3 *a/ity1 ob$i5ce1 & pov]ty1 & :i* faces ! tempe/ "u ! conduct ( ! ,holy ,_s1 are delightful4 ,%e reveals h]self 9 h] "w ! pupil ( ! well-belov$ disciple & ( ,sa9t ,?omas ,aqu9as4 ,"o might believe t "o he>d ! ,angel ( ! ,s*ool p>aphras+ ! la/ ( ! ,evangeli/s4 ,yes1 said ! oblate1 /rik+ 91 if ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a does n give h]self to ! high speculations ( ,my/icism2 if %e does n analyze l ,sa9t ,t]esa ! my/]ies ( div9e love1 nor trace ! it9]>y ( s\ls de/9$ to ! p]fect life1 %e reflects directly at lea/ ! conv]sations ( ,heav54 ,%e calls1 %e loves6 ,y h read1 sir1 h] treatises on ,discretion & ,pray]8 ,no4 ,i h read ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,g5oa1 b ! books ( ,sa9t ,ca!r9e ( ,si5a h nev] fall5 into my h&s4 ,& :at d y ?9k ( ?is collection8 ,durtal look$ at ! title1 & made a face4 ,i see t ,suso h>dly delights y4 ,i %\ld tell a lie if ,i assur$ y t ! diss]tations ( ?is ,dom9ican pleas$ me4 ,fir/1 h[ev] illum9at$ ! man may be1 he does n attract me4 ,)\t speak+ ( ! fr5zy ( 8 p5ances1 :at scrupul\sness ( devotion & n>r[ness ( piety 0 86 ,?9k t he c\ld n decide on dr9k+ till he _h fir/1 z a prelim9>y1 divid$ 8 bev]age into five p>ts4 ,he ?\ght ?us to hon\r ! five w\nds ( ! ,savi\r1 &1 moreov]1 he swall[$ 8 la/ m\?ful 9 two gulps to call up be=e himself ! wat] & ! blood :i* fl[$ f ! side ( ! ,^w4 ,no6 ^! sort ( ?+s w\ld nev] ent] into my head2 ,i w\ld nev] admit t su* practices w\ld glorify ,*ri/4 ,& rem>k well t ?is love ( p\nd+ ?+s small1 ?is passion = small bless+s1 is f\nd 9 all 8 "w4 ,8 ,god is s difficult to cont5t1 s scrupul\s1 s m$dl+1 t no "o w\ld ev] get to heav5 if !y believ$ :at he said4 ,?is ,god ( 8 is ! fault-f9d] ( et]nity1 ! mis] ( p>adise4 ,on ! :ole1 ,suso exp&s himself 9 impetu\s disc\rses on trifles2 !n :at ) 8 insipid allegories1 8 morose ',colloquy on ! ,n9e ,rocks' knocks me d[n4 ,y w1 h[ev]1 admit t 8 /udy on ! ,union ( ! ,s\l is sub/antial1 & t ! ',(fice ( ! ,et]nal ,wisdom' :i* he compos$ is wor? read+8 ,i _c say1 ,fa!r1 ,i d n n[ rememb] t ,(fice2 b ,i recollect tol]ably well ! treatise on ',union ) ,god1' x seems to me m int]e/+ ?an ! re/1 b y w admit t x is v %ort 444 & !n ,sa9t ,t]esa has also elucidat$ t "q ( human r5unciation & div9e fruition2 &1 hang x !n4446 ,come1 said ! oblate1 ) a smile1 ,i give up ! attempt to make y a f]v5t read] ( ! good ,suso4 ,= u1 said ,fa!r ,maxim91 if we _h a little "t to "w1 ?is ought to be ! leav5 ( our m$itations1 ! subject ( our read+2 & he took d[n a folio :i* conta9$ ! works ( ,sa9t ,hildeg>de1 abbess ( ! ,conv5t ( ,rup]tsb]g4 ,%e1 y see1 is ! great prophetess ( ! ,new ,te/am5t4 ,nev]1 s9ce ! visions ( ,sa9t ,john at ,patmos1 has ! ,holy ,_s communicat$ to an e>?ly be+ ) su* fulness & light4 ,9 h] ',hepta*ronon' %e pr$icts ,prote/antism & ! captivity ( ! ,vatican2 9 h] ',scivias1 or ,k ( ! ,ways ( ! ,"l1' :i* 0 edit$1 accord+ to h] recital1 by a monk ( ! ,conv5t ( ,sa9t ,dsibode1 %e int]prets ! symbols ( ! ,scriptures1 & ev5 ! nature ( ! elem5ts4 ,%e also wrote a dilig5t comm5t>y on our rules & en?usia/ic pages on sacr$ music1 on lit]ature1 on art1 :i* %e def9es admirably2 a rem9isc5ce1 half-effac$1 ( a primitive condition f :i* we h fall5 s9ce ,ed54 ,un=tunately1 to und]/& h]1 x is necess>y to give oneself to m9ute rese>*es & pati5t /udies4 ,h] apocalyptic /yle has some?+ retractile1 :i* retreats & %uts itself up all ! m :5 "o w op5 x4 ,i am well aw>e t ,i am los+ my little ,lat91 said ,m4 ,bruno4 ,:at a pity !re is n a translation ( h] works1 ) glosses to help4 ,!y are untranslatable1 said ! fa!r1 :o w5t on1 ,sa9t ,hildeg>de is1 ) ,sa9t ,b]n>d1 "o ( ! pure/ glories ( ! family ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict4 ,h[ pr$e/9ate 0 t virg91 :o 0 inundat$ ) int]ior light at ! age ( ?ree1 & di$ at eighty-two1 hav+ liv$ all h] life 9 ! cloi/]6 ,& add t %e 0 z a p]man5t /ate1 prophetical6 cri$ ! oblate4 ,%e is l no o!r woman sa9t2 all 9 h] is a/oni%+1 ev5 ! way 9 :i* ,god addresses h]1 = ,he =gets t %e is a woman1 & calls h] 'man4' ,& %e1 add$ ! prior1 employs1 :5 %e wi%es to designate h]self1 ! s+ul> expression1 '! paltry =m4' ,b "h is ano!r writ] :o is de> to u1 & he %[$ ,durtal ! two volumes ( ,sa9t ,g]trude4 ,%e is aga9 "o ( our great nuns1 an abbess truly ,b5$ict9e1 9 ! exact s5se ( ! ^w1 = %e caus$ ! ,holy ,scriptures to be expla9$ to h] nuns1 wi%$ t ! piety ( h] daught]s %\ld be bas$ on sci5ce1 t ?is fai? %\ld be su/a9$ by liturgical food1 if ,i may say s4 ,i "k no?+ ( h] b h] ',ex]cises1' obs]v$ ,durtal1 & !y h left ) me ! memory ( e*o$ words1 ( ?+s said aga9 f ! sacr$ books4 ,s f> z "o may judge f simple extracts1 %e does n appe> to h orig9al expression1 & to be f> bel[ ,sa9t ,t]esa or ,sa9t ,angela4 ,no d\bt1 answ]$ ! monk4 ,b %e comes ne> ,sa9t ,angela by ! gift ( famili>ity :5 %e conv]ses ) ,*ri/1 & also by ! lov+ vehem5ce ( :at %e says2 only all ?is is trans=m$ on leav+ its prop] s\rce2 %e ?9ks liturgically2 & ?is is s true1 t ! lea/ ( h] reflections at once pres5ts itself to h] clo!d 9 ! language ( ! ,gospels & ! ,psalms4 ,h] ',revelations1' h] ',ins9uations1' h] ',h]ald ( ,div9e ,love1' are m>vell\s f ?is po9t ( view2 & !n h] pray] to ! ,bless$ ,virg9 is exquisite :i* op5s ) ?is phrase3 ',hail1 ,o :ite lily ( ! ,tr9ity1 respl5d5t1 & always at re/4444' ,z a cont9uation ( h] works1 ! ,b5$ict9e ,fa!rs ( ,solesmes h edit$ also ! ',revelations' ( ,sa9t ,me*tilde1 h] book on ',special ,grace1' & h] ',light ( ! ,div9ity'2 !y are !re on t %elf4444 ,let me %[ y1 said 9 8 turn ,m4 ,bruno1 guides wisely m>k$ out = ! s\l :i* escapes f itself1 & w attempt to climb ! et]nal m\nta9s1 & he h&$ to ,durtal ! ,luc]na ,my/ica ( ,lopez ,ezqu]ra1 ! qu>tos ( ,sc>amelli1 ! volumes ( ,s*ram1 ! ,*ri/ian ,asceticism ( ,ribet1 ! ,pr9ciples ( ,my/ic ,!ology ( ,fa!r ,s]aph94 ,& d y "k ?is8 cont9u$ ! oblate2 ! volume he (f]$ 0 call$ ,on ,pray]1 0 anonym\s1 & bore at ! bottom ( its fir/ page ,solesmes1 pr9t$ at ! ,abbey ( ,sa9t ,cecilia1 & above ! pr9t$ date1 #ahhf1 ,durtal made out ! ^w writt5 9 ink1 ,confid5tial4 ,i h nev] se5 ?is little book1 :i* seems moreov] to h nev] be5 br\ght into ! m>ket4 ,:o is ! au?or8 ,! mo/ extraord9>y nun ( our "t1 ! abbess ( ! ,b5$ict9e nuns at ,solesmes4 ,i regret only t y are go+ s soon1 = ,i %\ld h be5 happy to let y read x4 ,z f> z ! docum5t is conc]n$1 x is ( a mo/ extraord9>y sci5ce1 & x conta9s admirable quotations f ,sa9t ,hildeg>de & ,cassi53 z f> z ,my/icism is conc]n$1 ,"m ,sa9t ,cecilia evid5tly only reproduces ! works ( h] pr$ecessors1 & %e tells u no?+ v new4 ,nev]!less1 ,i rememb] a passage :i* seems to me m special1 m p]sonal4 ,wait4444 ,& ! oblate turn$ ov] a few pages4 ,"h x is3 ',! spiritualiz$ s\l does n appe> expos$ to temptation prop]ly s-call$1 b by a div9e p]mission x is call$ ^u to conflict ) ! ,demon1 _s aga9/ _s4444 ,! contact ) ! ,demon is !n p]ceiv$ on ! surface ( ! s\l1 "u ! =m ( a burn at once spiritual & s5sible4444 ,if ! s\l hold good 9 its union ) ,god1 if x be /rong1 ! pa91 h[ev] %>p1 is be>able2 b if ! s\l commit any slight imp]fection1 ev5 inw>dly1 ! ,demon makes j s mu* way1 & c>ries 8 horrible burn+ m =w>d1 until by g5]\s acts ! s\l c repulse him fur!r4 ,?is t\* ( ,satan1 :i* produces an almo/ mat]ial effect on ! mo/ intangible p>ts ( our be+1 is1 y w admit1 at lea/ curi\s1 conclud$ ! oblate1 z he clos$ ! volume4 ,"m ,sa9t ,cecilia is a rem>kable /rategi/ ( ! s\l1 said ! prior1 b 444 b 444 ?is "w1 :i* %e edit$ = ! daught]s ( h] abbey1 conta9s1 ,i ?9k1 "s ra% propositions :i* h n be5 read )\t displeasure at ,rome4 ,to h done ) our poor treasures1 he cont9u$1 we h only on ?is side1 & he po9t$ out a portion ( ! book-cases :i* cov]$ ! room1 long-w9d$ works1 ! ',ci/]cian ,m5ology1' ',mign's ,patrology1' diction>ies ( ! lives ( ! sa9ts1 manuals ( sacr$ int]pretation1 canon law1 ,*ri/ian apology1 ,biblical exegesis1 ! complete works ( ,sa9t ,?omas1 tools ( "w :i* we r>ely employ1 = z y "k we are a bran* ( ! ,b5$ict9e trunk v[$ to a life ( bodily lab\r & p5ance2 we are m5 ( sorr[ = ,god1 above all ?+s4 ,"h is ,m4 ,bruno1 :o uses ^! books2 s d ,i at times1 = ,i h special *>ge ( spiritual matt]s 9 ?is mona/]y1 add$ ! monk ) a smile4 ,durtal look$ at him2 he h&l$ ! volumes ) c>ess+ h&s1 brood$ ov] !m ) ! blue lu/re ( 8 eye1 laugh$ ) ! joy ( a *ild z he turn$ _! pages4 ,:at a diff]5ce betwe5 ?is monk :o evid5tly adores 8 books1 & ! prior ) 8 imp]i\s pr(ile & sil5t lips :o he>d 8 confession ! second day2 !n ?9k+ ( all ^! ,trappi/s1 ! sev]ity ( _! c\nt5ances1 ! joy ( _! eyes1 ,durtal said to himself t ^! ,ci/]cians 7 n at all z ! _w believ$1 solemn & fun]eal p1 b t1 q ! contr>y1 !y 7 ! gaye/ ( m54 ,n[1 said ,fa!r ,maxim91 ! rev]5d ,fa!r abbot has *>g$ me ) a commission2 kn[+ t y w leave u to-morr[1 he is anxi\s1 n[ t he is bett]1 to pass at lea/ "s m9utes ) y4 ,he w be free ?is ev5+3 w x tr\ble y to jo9 him aft] ,compl9e8 ,n at all2 ,i %all be glad to talk ) ,dom ,anselm4 ,t is und]/ood1 !n4 ,!y w5t d[n/airs4 ,durtal ?ank$ ! prior1 :o re-ent]$ ! enclosure ( ! corridors1 & ! oblate1 :o w5t up to 8 cell4 ,he trifl$ ab\t1 & 9 spite ( ! torm5t ( 8 dep>ture1 :i* haunt$ him1 rea*$ ! ev5+ )\t too mu* tr\ble4 ,! ,salve ,reg9a1 :i* he he>d p]haps = ! la/ "t ?us sung by male voices2 t airy *apel built ( s\nd1 & evaporat+ ) ! close ( ! antiphon1 9 ! smoke ( ! tap]s1 /irr$ him to ! bottom ( 8 s\l2 ! ,trappi/ mona/]y %[$ itself truly *>m+ ?is ev5+4 ,aft] ! (fice1 !y said ! ,ros>y1 n z at ,p>is1 :]e !y recite a ,pat]1 t5 ,aves1 & a ,gloria1 & s ov] aga92 "h !y said 9 ,lat9 a ,pat]1 an ,ave1 a ,gloria1 & began aga9 till 9 t mann] !y _h f9i%$ sev]al decades4 ,?is ros>y 0 said on _! knees1 half by ! prior1 half by all ! monks4 ,x w5t at s rapid a pace t x 0 sc>cely possible to di/+ui% ! words1 b z soon z x 0 end$1 at a signal !re 0 a great sil5ce1 & ea* "o pray$ ) 8 head 9 8 h&s4 ,& ,durtal took notice ( ! +5i\s sy/em ( conv5tual pray]s3 aft] ! pray]s purely vocal l ^!1 came m5tal pray]1 p]sonal petitions1 /imulat$ & set a-go+ by ! v ma*9e ( pat]no/]s4 ,no?+ is left to *ance 9 religion2 e ex]cise :i* seems at fir/ useless has a reason = its be+1 he said to himself1 z he w5t out into ! c\rt4 ,& ! fact is1 t ! ros>y1 :i* seems to be only a humm+-top ( s\nds1 fulfils an end4 ,x reposes ! s\l we>i$ ) ! supplications :i* x has recit$1 apply+ itself to !m1 ?9k+ ( !m2 x h9d]s x f babbl+ & recit+ to ,god always ! same petitions1 ! same compla9ts2 x all[s x to take brea?1 to take re/1 9 pray]s 9 :i* x c disp5se ) reflection1 &1 9 fact1 ! ros>y occupies 9 pray]1 ^? h\rs ( fatigue 9 :i* "o w\ld n pray4444 ,ah6 "h is ! ,fa!r abbot4 ,! ,trappi/ express$ to him 8 regret at visit+ him only ?us = a few mom5ts2 !n aft] he _h answ]$ ,durtal1 :o inquir$ aft] ! /ate ( 8 heal?1 :i* he hop$ 0 at la/ re-e/abli%$1 he propos$ to him to walk 9 ! g>d51 & begg$ him n to inconv5i5ce himself by n smok+ cig>ettes if he _h a m9d to d s4 ,& ! conv]sation turn$ on ,p>is4 ,dom ,anselm ask$ = "s in=mation1 & end$ by say+ ) a smile1 ,i see by scraps ( newspap]s :i* come to me1 t society j n[ is infect$ ) socialism4 ,ev]yone wi%es to solve ! fam\s social "q4 ,h[ does t get on8 ,h[ does t get on8 ,:y1 n at all6 ,unless y c *ange ! s\ls ( workm5 & ma/]s1 & make !m dis9t]e/$ & *>itable betwe5 to-day & to-morr[1 9 :at c y expect ^! sy/ems to end8 ,well1 said ! monk1 enwrapp+ ! mona/]y ) a ge/ure1 ! "q is solv$ "h4 ,z wages d n exi/1 all s\rces ( conflicts are suppress$4 ,z e task is accord+ to aptitudes & p[]s1 ! fa!rs :o are n /rong-%\ld]$ & big-arm$ fold ! packages ( *ocolate1 or make out ! bills1 & ^? :o are robu/ dig ! gr\nd4 ,i add t ! equality 9 our cloi/]s is su* t ! prior & ! abbot h no advantage ov] ! o!r monks4 ,at table ! portions1 & 9 ! dormitory ! paillasses1 are id5tical4 ,! sole pr(its ( ! abbot consi/ on ! :ole 9 ! inevitable c>es aris+ f ! moral conduct & ! temporal adm9i/ration ( an abbey4 ,!re is !re=e no reason :y ! workm5 ( a conv5t %\ld g on /rike1 conclud$ ! abbot ) a smile4 ,yes1 b y are m9imi/s1 y suppress ! family & woman1 y live on no?+1 & expect ! only real recomp5se = y\r lab\rs aft] dea?4 ,h[ c y make ! p 9 ! t[ns und]/& t8 ,! social sy/em may ?us be summ$ up1 z ,i ?9k3 ! ma/]s wi% to pr(it by ! workm51 :o 9 _! turn desire to be paid z mu* z possible = z little "w z possible4 ,well1 !n1 !re is no way out ( t4 ,exactly1 & !re is ! sad "p ( x1 = socialism 9 fact arises f k9dly ideas1 j ideas1 & w always run up aga9/ egotism & ga91 aga9/ ! inevitable break]s ( ! s9s ( man4 ,& y\r little *ocolate factory gives y at lea/ "s income8 ,yes2 t saves u4 ,! abbot 0 sil5t = a second2 !n he w5t on1 ,y "k1 sir1 h[ a conv5t is f\nd$4 ,i take = example our ,ord]4 ,a doma9 & ! l&s ab\t x are (f]$ ! ,ord] on condition t x peoples !m4 ,! ,ord] takes a h&ful ( its monks1 & settles !m z a sw>m on ! soil giv5 to x4 ,!re its task /ops4 ,! gra9 mu/ spr+ up ( itself1 or to put x diff]5tly1 ! ,trappi/s1 sev]$ f _! "m-h\se1 mu/ ga9 _! livelihood1 & suffice = !mselves4 ,s :5 we took possession ( ^! build+s we 7 s poor1 t f bread to %oes ev]y?+ 0 lack+2 b we _h no anxiety = ! future1 = !re is no example 9 mona/ic hi/ory t ,provid5ce has n succ\r$ abbeys :o tru/$ 9 x4 ,little by little we drew our food f ! e/ate1 & we le>nt useful trades2 n[ we make our habits & our %oes2 we reap our :eat & make our bread2 our mat]ial exi/5ce is !re=e assur$1 b ! taxes cru% u2 !re=e we h f\nd$ ?is factory1 ( :i* ! report becomes bett] f ye> to ye>4 ,9 a ye> or two ! build+ :i* %elt]s u1 & = want ( money we h be5 unable to repair1 w tumble d[n1 b if ,god !n all[s g5]\s s\ls to come to our aid1 p]haps we %all be 9 a condition to build a mona/]y1 :i* is ! wi% ( all ( u2 = inde$ ?is hovel ) its rooms 9 confusion1 & its rotunda-*apel1 is pa9ful to u4 ,! abbot 0 sil5t aga91 !n aft] a pause he said 9 a l[ voice1 speak+ to himself1 ,x _c be d5i$1 a conv5t :i* has n ! look ( a cloi/] is an ob/acle to vocations2 ! po/ulant has ne$--& ?is is q natural--to m\ld himself 9 surr\nd+s :i* please him1 to enc\rage himself 9 a *ur* :i* wraps him r\nd1 9 a some:at sombre *apel2 & to obta9 t result y want ! ,romanesque or ,go?ic /yle4 ,ah1 yes1 inde$4 ,& h y _m novices8 ,we h especially _m subjects :o desire to feel ! life ( ,trappi/s1 b ! great] "p d n succe$ 9 support+ our way ( life4 ,beside ev5 ! "q ( kn[+ :e!r ! vocation ( ! beg9n]s is imag9>y or real1 we are f ! physical po9t ( view cle>ly fix$ aft] a =tnight's trial4 ,eat+ vegetables only mu/ cru% ! mo/ robu/ con/itutions2 ,i d n ev5 und]/& h[1 lead+ an active life1 y c be> x4 ,! tru? is t bodies obey :]e s\ls are resolute4 ,our ance/ors endur$ ! life ( ! ,trappi/s v well4 ,we want s\ls at ! pres5t day4 ,i rememb] t :5 ,i made my probation 9 a ,ci/]cian cloi/] ,i _h no heal?1 & yet _h x be5 necess>y ,i w\ld h eat5 /ones6 ,moreov]1 ! rule w soon be s(t5$1 pursu$ ! abbot2 b 9 any case !re is a c\ntry :i*1 if !re %\ld be sc>city1 assures u a good numb] ( recruits1 ,holl&4 ,& see+ ,durtal's look ( a/oni%m5t1 ! fa!r said1 ,yes1 9 t ,prote/ant c\ntry my/ic vegetation is fl\ri%+4 ,ca?olicism is all ! m f]v5t t x is1 if n p]secut$1 at lea/ despis$1 dr[n$ 9 ! mass ( ,calv9i/s4 ,p]haps ?is belongs also to ! nature ( ! soil1 to its solit>y pla9s1 its sil5t canals1 to ! v ta/e ( ! ,dut* = a regul> & peaceable life2 b 9 t little knot ( ,ca?olics ! ,ci/]cian vocation is always v common4 ,durtal look$ at ! ,trappi/ z he walk$ maje/ic & quiet1 8 head buri$ 9 8 hood1 8 h&s pass$ "u 8 c9cture4 ,f "t to "t 8 eyes grew bright inside 8 hood1 & ! ame?y/ :i* he wore on 8 f+] sp>kl$ 9 brief flames4 ,no s\nd 0 he>d2 at ?is h\r ! mona/]y 0 asleep4 ,durtal & ! abbot 7 walk+ on ! banks ( ! great pond1 :]e ! wat] 0 alive1 x alone wakeful 9 ! slumb] ( ! woods1 = ! moon1 :i* %one 9 a cl\dless sky1 s[$ a myriad ( goldfi%1 & ?is lum9\s spawn1 fall5 f ! planet1 m\nt$1 desc5d$1 sp>kl$ 9 a ?\s& little po9ts ( fire1 ( :i* ! w9d z x blew increas$ ! brightness4 ,! abbot spoke no long]1 & ,durtal1 :o 0 ?9k+1 intoxicat$ by ! sweetness ( ! night1 groan$ sudd5ly4 ,he _h j consid]$ t at ?is same h\r ! next day he w\ld be at ,p>is1 & see+ ! mona/]y1 ^: pale front appe>$ at ! end ( a walk z at ! end ( a d>k tunnel1 he cri$1 ?9k+ ( all ! monks :o inhabit$ x1 ,ah6 !y are happy6 ,& ! abbot answ]$1 ,too happy4 ,!n g5tly1 9 a l[ voice1 ,yes1 x is true we ent] "h to d p5ance1 to mortify ourselves1 & we h h>dly begun to suff] :5 ,god consoles u4 ,he is s good t ,he ,himself wi%es to deceive ,himself ab\t our m]its4 ,if at c]ta9 mom5ts ,he all[s ! ,demon to p]secute u1 ,he gives u 9 ex*ange s mu* happ9ess t !re is no proportion pres]v$ betwe5 ! recomp5se & ! sorr[4 ,sometimes :5 ,i ?9k ( x1 ,i ask myself h[ !re /ill subsi/s t equilibrium t nuns & monks are *>g$ to ma9ta91 s9ce nei!r ( u suff] en\gh to neutralize ! repeat$ s9s ( t[ns8 ,! abbot /opp$1 & !n w5t on p5sively1 ,! _w does n ev5 conceive t ! au/]ity ( ! abbeys c pr(it x4 ,! doctr9e ( my/ical comp5sation escapes x entirely4 ,x _c repres5t to itself t ! sub/itution ( ! innoc5t = ! guilty is necess>y :5 to suff] m]it$ puni%m5t is conc]n$4 ,nor does x expla9 to itself any m t 9 wi%+ to suff] = o!rs1 monks turn aside ! wra? ( heav51 & e/abli% a solid>ity 9 ! good :i* is a c\nt]-weight aga9/ ! f$]ation ( evil4 ,god kn[s1 moreov]1 ) :at cataclysms ! unconsci\s _w w\ld be m5ac$1 if 9 consequ5ce ( a sudd5 disappe>ance ( all ! cloi/]s1 ! equilibrium :i* saves x 7 brok54 ,! case has already pres5t$ itself1 said ,durtal1 :o :ile li/5+ to ! ,trappi/ ?\ght ( ! ,abb ,gvres91 & rememb]$ h[ t prie/ _h express$ himself on ! same subject 9 ne>ly simil> t]ms4 ,! ,revolution1 9 fact1 suppress$ all conv5ts ) "o /roke ( a p51 b ,i ?9k t ! hi/ory ( t "t :5 s _m huck/]s 7 busy is /ill to be writt54 ,in/ead ( se>*+ = docum5ts on ! acts1 & ev5 on ! p]sons ( ! ,jacob9s1 ! ar*ives ( ! religi\s ord]s :i* exi/$ at t "t %\ld be ransack$4 ,9 work+ ?us at ! side ( ! ,revolution1 9 s\nd+ its neighb\rhood1 its f\ndations w be exhum$4 ,its causes w be br\ght to ! surface1 & x w c]ta9ly be discov]$ t 9 proportion to ! suppression ( conv5ts1 mon/r\s excesses _h bir?4 ,:o kn[s if ! demoniacal madness ( ,c>ri] or ,m>at d n accord ) ! dea? ( an abbey ^: sanctity pres]v$ ,france = ye>s4 ,to be j1 answ]$ ! abbot1 x is "r to say t ! ,revolution de/roy$ ru9s only4 ,! rule ( 9 comm5dam end$ by giv+ ! mona/]ies ov] to ,satan4 ,x 0 !y1 alas6 t by ! relaxation ( _! morals1 incl9$ ! balance1 & drew d[n ! lightn+ on ! l&4 ,! ,t]ror 0 only a consequ5ce ( _! impiety4 ,god1 :om no?+ long] )held1 let ?+s take _! c\rse4 ,yes2 b h[ c y n[ prove ! necessity ( comp5sations to a _w :i* w&]s out ( ! way 9 cont9u$ accesses ( ga92 h[ p]suade x t x is an urg5t ne$1 z a prev5tive aga9/ new crises1 to %elt] t[ns beh9d ! sacr$ bulw>ks ( cloi/]s8 ,aft] ! siege ( #ahgj1 ,p>is 0 wisely %elt]$ beh9d an imm5se net ( impregnable =ts2 b is x n also indisp5sable to surr\nd x ) a c9cture ( pray]s1 to buttress its neighb\rhood ) conv5tual h\ses1 to build ev]y:]e 9 its suburbs conv5ts ( ,poor ,cl>es1 ,c>melites1 ,b5$ict9e nuns ( ! ,bless$ ,sacram5t1 mona/]ies :i* w be 9 "s degree p[]ful citadels1 de/9$ to arre/ ! =w>d m>* ( ! armies ( evil8 ,c]ta9ly ! t[ns h great ne$ ( be+ gu>ante$ aga9/ inf]nal invasions by a sanit>y def5ce ( ,ord]s4444 ,b come1 sir1 ,i mu/ n deprive y ( necess>y re/1 ,i w jo9 y to-morr[1 be=e y quit our solitude4 ,i h n[ b to say t y h only fri5ds "h1 & t y w be always welcome4 ,i hope t on y\r side y w keep no unfav\rable memory ( our poor hospitality1 & t y w prove x 9 com+ to see u aga94 ,z !y talk$ !y _h come 9 front ( ! gue/-h\se4 ,! fa!r press$ ,durtal's h&s1 & sl[ly asc5d$ ! /airs1 sweep+ ) 8 robe ! silv] du/ ( ! /eps1 z he m\nt$1 all :ite1 9 a ray ( ! moon4 ,,*apt] ,,ix4 ,durtal wi%$ imm$iately aft] ,mass to visit = ! la/ "t t wood ?r\gh :i* he _h walk$1 9 turn s languidly & s rapidly4 ,he w5t at fir/ to ! old lime alley1 ^: pale emanations 7 v]ily = 8 _s :at an infusion ( _! leaves is = ! body1 a sort ( v weak panacea1 a k9dly & soo?+ s$ative4 ,!n he sat d[n 9 _! %ade on a /one b5*4 ,z he leant =w>d a little he c\ld see ?r\gh ! mov+ spaces 9 ! bran*es1 ! solemn front ( ! abbey1 & opposite x1 sep>at$ by ! kit*5 g>d51 ! gigantic cross /&+ be=e t liquid plan ( a *ur* :i* ! pond simulat$4 ,he rose1 & approa*$ ! wat]y cross1 ( :i* ! sky turn$ ! m>ble wat] blue1 & he contemplat$ ! great crucifix 9 :ite m>ble1 :i* t[]$ above ! :ole mona/]y1 & seem$ to rise opposite to x z a p]man5t rem9d] ( ! v[s ( suff]+ :i* he _h accept$1 & res]v$ to himself to *ange at l5g? into joys4 ,! fact is1 said ,durtal1 :o ?\ght ov] aga9 ! contradictory decl>ations ( ! monks1 confess+ t !y l$ at once ! mo/ attractive & ! mo/ atroci\s life2 ! fact is t ! good ,god deceives !m4 ,!y atta9 "h bel[ ,p>adise1 :ile !y seek hell !re4 ,i h myself ta/$ h[ /range is exi/5ce 9 ?is cloi/]1 = ,i h be5 "h1 almo/ at ! same "t1 v unhappy & v happy2 & n[ ,i feel well ! mirage :i* is already beg9n+3 be=e two days are ov] ! remembrance ( ! sorr[s :i* !n 71 if ,i recall !m ) c>e1 greatly above ! joys1 w h disappe>$1 & ,i %all only recall ^? int]ior emotions 9 ! *apel1 ^? delici\s /ol5 mom5ts 9 ! morn+ 9 ! pa?ways ( ! p>k4 ,i %all regret ! op5-air prison ( ?is conv5t4 ,x is curi\s ,i f9d myself atta*$ to x by obscure bonds2 :5 ,i am 9 my cell1 !re return to me all k9ds ( memories1 l ^? ( an anci5t race4 ,i f9d myself at once at home aga91 9 a place ,i _h nev] se52 ,i recognize f ! fir/ mom5t a v special life1 ( :i* nev]!less ,i "k no?+4 ,x seems to me t some?+ :i* int]e/s me1 :i* is inde$ p]sonal to me1 pass$ "h be=e ,i 0 born4 ,truly1 if ,i believ$ 9 metempsy*osis ,i might imag9e ,i _h be5 a monk 9 ant]ior exi/5ces2 a bad monk !n1 he said1 smil+ at 8 reflections1 s9ce ,i %\ld h be5 oblig$ to be re9c>nate & to return to a cloi/] to expiate my s9s4 ,:ile ?us talk+ ) himself1 he _h pass$ across a long alley :i* l$ to ! end ( ! enclosure1 &1 cutt+ across ! road1 & ?r\gh ! ?ickets1 he /ray$ into ! wood ( ! great pond4 ,x 0 n 9 motion1 z on c]ta9 days :5 ! w9d made holl[s 9 x1 & swell$ x1 made x fl[ & return on itself z soon z x t\*$ its banks4 ,x rema9$ immovable1 & 0 only /irr$ by ! reflections ( ! mov+ cl\ds & ( ! trees4 ,at mom5ts a leaf fall5 f ! neighb\r+ popl>s swam on ! image ( a cl\d1 at o!rs bubbles ( air came f ! bottom & bur/ on ! surface 9 ! reflect$ blue ( heav54 ,durtal look$ = ! ott]1 b x did n %[ itself2 he saw only ! swall[s :i* skimm$ ! wat] ) _! w+1 ! dragon-flies :i* sp>kl$ l jewels1 fla%+ l ! blue flames ( sulphur4 ,if he _h suff]$ ne> ! cross-pond1 be=e ! %eet ( wat] ( ! o!r pond he c\ld only call up ! memory ( heal+ h\rs1 :i* he _h pass$ ly+ on a b$ ( moss1 or a c\* ( dry re$s1 & he look$ at x t5d]ly1 try+ to fix & c>ry x away 9 8 memory to re-live aga9 9 ,p>is1 %utt+ 8 eyes on ! bank4 ,he pursu$ 8 walk1 & /opp$ 9 an alley ( *e/nuts along ! walls above ! mona/]y2 !nce he w5t into ! c\rt 9 front ( ! cloi/]1 ! outbuild+s1 ! /ables1 ! wood%$s1 ev5 ! pig-/yes4 ,he tri$ to see ,bro!r ,simeon1 b he 0 probably engag$ 9 ! /ables1 = he did n appe>4 ,! build+s 7 sil5t1 ! pigs 7 %ut up2 only "s lean cats pr[l$ ab\t 9 sil5ce1 sc>cely look+ :5 !y met ea* o!r1 go+ ea* on its own side1 no d\bt seek+ "s n\ri%+ game :i* w\ld console !m = ! et]nal meals ( vegetable s\p s]v$ !m at ! mona/]y4 ,"t 0 gett+ on2 he pray$ = ! la/ "t 9 ! *apel1 & w5t to 8 cell to get 8 portmanteau ready4 ,:ile putt+ 8 ?+s 9 ord] he ?\ght ( ! inutility ( decorat$ rooms4 ,he _h sp5t all 8 money at ,p>is 9 buy+ ornam5ts & books1 = till n[ he _h dete/$ b>e walls4 ,b n[1 consid]+ ! blank walls ( ?is room1 he admitt$ to himself t he _h done bett] betwe5 ^! f\r :ite-wa%$ walls ?an 9 8 room at ,p>is1 hung ) /uffs4 ,sudd5ly he recogniz$ t ,la ,trappe _h wean$ him f 8 pref]5ces1 _h 9 a few days completely upset him4 ,! p[] ( su* an environm5t6 he said to himself1 a little al>m$ at feel+ h[ he 0 trans=m$4 ,& he ?\ght 9 buckl+ 8 portmanteau1 ,i mu/ h[ev]1 g & f9d ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 = ,i mu/ settle my acc\nt2 ,i _c be altoge!r a debtor to ^! good p4 ,he w5t along ! corridors1 & end$ by meet+ ! fa!r 9 ! c\rt4 ,he 0 a little confus$ h[ to op5 ! "q2 at ! fir/ words ! gue/-ma/] smil$4 ,! rule ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict is =mal1 he said2 we mu/ receive our gue/s z we receive our ,"l ,jesus ,himself1 t is to tell y t we _c ex*ange our poor c>e = money4 ,& :5 ,durtal insi/$1 emb>rass$1 ,if x does n suit y to h p>tak5 ( our meagre pittance )\t pay+1 d z y please2 only ! sum :i* y may give w be di/ribut$ 9 co9s ( t5 or tw5ty s\s1 to ! poor :o come ea* morn+1 (t5 f a great di/ance1 to knock at our mona/]y gate4 ,durtal b[$ & h&$ ! money1 :i* he _h ready 9 8 pocket1 to ! fa!r1 b he inquir$ if he might n h a ^w ) ,fa!r ,maxim9 be=e 8 dep>ture4 ,c]ta9ly2 moreov]1 ,fa!r prior w\ld n h let y g )\t %ak+ h&s ) y4 ,i w g & make c]ta9 if he be free4 ,wait = me 9 ! refectory4 ,& ! monk disappe>$1 & came back a few m9utes aft]w>ds1 prec$$ by ! prior4 ,ah1 well1 said he1 !n y are go+ to plunge aga9 into ! hurly-burly8 ,oh6 )\t any pleasure1 ,fa!r4 ,i und]/& t4 ,x is s good1 is x n1 no long] to he> any?+ & to be sil5t4 ,h[ev]1 take c\rage2 we w pray = y4 ,& z ,durtal ?ank$ bo? ( !m = _! k9d att5tions1 ,x is a pleasure to receive a retreatant su* z y1 cri$ ,fa!r ,eti5ne1 no?+ repulses y1 & y are s exact t y are ab\t be=e ! h\r3 y r5d]$ my task ( ov]se] easy4 ,if all 7 z little exact+ & z pliable4 ,& he admitt$ t he _h giv5 lodg+ to prie/s s5t by _! bi%ops z a p5ance1 ecclesia/ics ( ill-repute ^: compla9ts ab\t food1 lodg+1 ! ne$ ( ris+ e>ly 9 ! morn+1 nev] ceas$4 ,if1 aga91 said ! prior1 "o c\ld hope to recall !m to good1 to s5d !m back heal$ to _! p>i%es2 b no1 !y g away /ill m rebelli\s ?an be=e1 ! ,devil does n let !m alone4 ,dur+ ?is conv]sation a lay bro!r br\ght 9 "s di%es cov]$ ) plates & plac$ !m on ! table4 ,we h *ang$ ! h\r ( y\r d9n]1 because ( ! tra91 said ,fa!r ,eti5ne4 ,good appetite1 adieu1 & may ! ,"l bless y1 said ! prior4 ,he rais$ 8 h&1 & enwrapp$ ,durtal1 ) a great sign ( ! cross1 :o knelt surpris$ at ! sudd5 emotion 9 ! monk's tone4 ,b ,fa!r ,maxim9 recov]$ himself at once1 & he b[$ to him z ,m4 ,bruno ent]$4 ,! meal 0 sil5t2 ! oblate 0 visibly di/ress$ at ! dep>ture ( ! companion :om he lov$1 & ,durtal look$ ) a swell+ he>t at ! old man1 :o _h s *>itably come out ( 8 solitude to give him aid4 ,w y n come "s day to see me 9 ,p>is8 he said4 ,no4 ,i h quitt$ life )\t any m9d to return to x4 ,i am dead to ! _w4 ,i d n wi% to see ,p>is aga94 ,i h no wi% to live aga94 ,b if ,god l5d me /ill a few ye>s ( exi/5ce ,i hope to see y "h aga91 = x is n 9 va9 t "o has cross$ ! ?re%old ( my/ic asceticism1 to v]ify by "o's own exp]i5ce ! reality ( ! requirem5ts :i* our ,"l br+s ab\t4 ,n[1 z ,god does n proce$ by *ance1 ,he w c]ta9ly f9i% ,8 "w by sift+ y z :eat4 ,i v5ture to recomm5d y to try n to give way1 & attempt to die 9 "s measure to y\rself1 9 ord] n to run c\nt] to ,8 plans4 ,i "k well1 said ,durtal1 t all is displac$ 9 me1 t ,i am no long] ! same1 b :at fright5s me is t ,i am n[ sure t ! works ( ! ,t]esan s*ool are exact 444 !n1 !n 444 if "o mu/ pass-?r\gh ! cyl9d]s ( ! roll+ mill :i* ,sa9t ,john ( ! ,cross describes4444 ,! noise ( a c>riage 9 ! c\rt int]rupt$ him4 ,m4 ,bruno w5t to ! w9d[ & look$ out4 ,y\r luggage is d[n4 ,yes4 ,!y look$ at ea* o!r4 ,li/56 ,i w\ld wi% inde$ to say to y4444 ,no1 no1 d n ?ank me1 cri$ ! oblate4 ,see1 ,i h nev] s ?or\ghly und]/ood ! mis]y ( my be+4 ,ah6 if ,i _h be5 ano!r man1 ,i might1 by pray+ bett]1 h aid$ y m4 ,! door op5$ & ,fa!r ,eti5ne decl>$1 ,y h n a m9ute to lose1 if y d n wi% to miss ! tra94 ,?us hurri$1 ,durtal _h only "t to press ! h& ( 8 fri5d1 :o accompani$ him to ! c\rt4 ,he f\nd wait+ a sort ( op5 wagon driv5 by a ,trappi/1 :o1 bel[ a bald head1 & *eeks /reak$ ) rose ?reads1 _h a great black be>d4 ,durtal press$ ! h&s ( ! gue/-ma/] & ! oblate = ! la/ "t1 :5 ! ,fa!r abbot came 9 8 turn to wi% him a safe j\rney2 & at ! end ( ! c\rt ,durtal p]ceiv$ two eyes fix$ on him1 ^? ( ,bro!r ,anacletus1 :o1 at a di/ance1 said adieu by a slight b[1 b )\t o!r ge/ure4 ,ev5 ?is poor man1 ^: eloqu5t look told ( a truly t\*+ affection1 _h a sa9t's pity = ! /rang] :om he _h se5 s tumultu\s & s sad 9 ! desolate solitude ( ! wood6 ,c]ta9ly ! /iffness ( ! rule =bade all %[ ( feel+ to ^! monks1 b ,durtal felt ?or\ghly t = him !y _h gone to ! limit ( concessions all[$1 & 8 affliction 0 great z he ca/ !m 9 p>t+ a la/ expression ( ?anks4 ,& ! door ( ! mona/]y clos$2 t door at :i* he _h trembl$ 9 arriv+1 & at :i* he n[ look$ ) te>s 9 8 eyes4 ,we mu/ get on fa/1 said ! procurator1 = we are late1 & ! horse w5t at a great spe$ along ! lanes4 ,durtal recogniz$ 8 companion1 z hav+ se5 him 9 ! *apel1 s++ 9 ! *oir dur+ ! ,(fice4 ,he _h an air at once good-natur$ & firm1 & 8 little grey eye smil$ z x glanc$ beh9d 8 bran*$ spectacles4 ,well1 said he1 h[ h y borne our regim58 ,i h _h e *ance2 ,i came h]e) my /oma* out ( ord]1 my body ill1 & ! simple ,trappi/ meals h cur$ me4 ,& :5 ,durtal n>rat$ briefly ! /ages ( s\l he _h und]gone1 ! monk murmur$1 ,t is no?+ 9 reg>d to demoniacal attacks2 we h _h "h true cases ( possession4 ,& ,bro!r ,simeon discov]$ !m6 ,ah6 y "k t4444 ,& he repli$ q simply to ,durtal1 :o spoke to him ( 8 admiration = ! poor lay bro!rs1 ,y are "r1 sir2 if y c\ld talk ) ^! peasants & illit]ate m51 y w\ld be surpris$ at ! (t5 pr(\nd answ]s :i* ^! p give y2 !n !y alone at ! mona/]y are really c\rage\s2 we1 ! ,fa!rs1 :5 we ?9k ourselves too weak1 accept will+ly ! au?oriz$ addition ( an egg2 !y nev]2 !y pray m1 & x mu/ be admitt$ t our ,"l li/5s to !m1 s9ce !y get well aga91 & inde$ are nev] ill4 ,& to a "q ( ,durtal :o ask$ him 9 :at consi/$ ! functions ( procurator1 ! monk answ]$1 ,!y consi/ 9 keep+ ! acc\nts1 9 be+ ! comm]cial ag5t1 9 travell+1 9 manag+1 alas6 ev]y?+ :i* does n conc]n ! life ( ! cloi/]2 b we are s few 9 numb] at ,notre ,dame de l',atre1 t we become necess>ily ,jacks-(-all-trades4 ,= in/ance1 ,fa!r ,eti5ne is cell>] ( ! ,abbey & gue/-ma/]1 he is also sacri/an & bell-r+]4 ,i too1 am fir/ cantor & pr(essor ( pla9 song4 ,& :ile ! c>riage roll$ along1 %ak5 by ! ruts1 ! procurator decl>$ to ,durtal1 :o told him h[ mu* ! (fices *ant$ at ! mona/]y _h delight$ him1 ,x is n ) u t y ought to he> !m2 our *oirs are too re/rict$1 too weak to be able to raise ! giant mass ( ^? *ants4 ,y ought to g to ! black monks ( ,solesmes or ,ligug if y wi% to f9d ! ,gregorian melodies execut$ z !y 7 9 ! ,middle ,ages4 ,by ! way1 d y "k 9 ,p>is1 ! ,b5$ict9e nuns 9 ! ,rue ,monsieur8 ,yes2 b d y n ?9k !y coo a little8 ,i _c say2 all ! same _! collection ( tunes is au!ntic1 b at ! little sem9>y at ,v]sailles1 y h bett] /ill1 s9ce !y *ant !re exactly z at ,solesmes2 note ?is well1 moreov]1 at ,p>is1 :5 ! *ur*es decl9e to repudiate liturgical music1 !y use = ! mo/ "p ! false notation pr9t$ & spread 9 abundance 9 all ! dioceses 9 ,france by ! h\se ( ,pu/et ( ,ratisbon4 ,b ! errors & frauds ) :i* ^? editions ab\nd are well kn[n4 ,! leg5d on :i* its p>tisans rely is incorrect4 ,to ass]t1 z !y d1 t ?is v]sion is no o!r ?an t ( ,pale/r9a :o 0 *>g$ by ,pope ,paul ,v4 to revive ! musical liturgy ( ! ,*ur*1 is an argum5t de/itute ( tru? & void ( =ce1 = ev]yone kn[s t :5 ,pale/r9a di$1 he _h h>dly begun ! correction ( ! ,gradual4 ,i w add t ev5 if t musician _h f9i%$ 8 "w1 t w\ld n prove t 8 int]pretation ought to be pref]r$ to t :i* has be5 rec5tly con/itut$ aft] pati5t rese>*es by ! ,abbey ( ,solesmes1 = ! ,b5$ict9e texts are bas$ on ! copy pres]v$ at ! mona/]y ( ,/4 ,gall ( ! antiphon>y ( ,sa9t ,gregory1 :i* repres5ts ! mo/ anci5t & ! mo/ c]ta9 monum5t :i* ! ,*ur* pres]ves ( ! true pla9 *ant4 ,?is manuscript1 ( :i* photographic facsimiles exi/1 is ! code ( ,gregorian melodies1 & x ought to be1 if ,i may use ! expression1 ! neumatic ,bible ( *oirs4 ,! disciples ( ,sa9t ,b5$ict are !n absolutely "r :5 !y decl>e t _! v]sion alone is fai?ful1 alone correct4 ,h[ !n comes x t s _m *ur*es get _! music f ,ratisbon8 ,alas1 h[ comes x t ,pu/et has s long acquir$ ! monopoly ( liturgical books1 & 444 b no1 bett] hold "o's peace 444 take ?is only = c]ta91 t ! ,g]man volumes are ! absolute negation ( ! ,gregorian tradition1 ! mo/ complete h]esy ( pla9 *ant4 ,by ! way1 :at "t is x8 ,we mu/ make ha/e1 said ! procurator1 look+ at ! wat* :i* ,durtal held up to him4 ,come up1 my beauty1 & he :ipp$ up ! m>e4 ,y drive ) _s1 cri$ ,durtal4 ,x is true2 ,i =got to say to y1 t ov] & above my o!r functions1 ,i also h1 if ne$ be1 t ( coa*man4 ,durtal ?\ght all ! same t ^! p 7 extraord9>y :o liv$ an int]ior life 9 ,god4 ,z soon z !y cons5t$ to r$esc5d on e>? !y reveal$ !mselves z ! mo/ sagaci\s & ! bolde/ ( bus9ess m54 ,an abbot f\nd$ a factory ) ! few p5ce he succe$$ 9 ga!r+2 he disc]n$ ! employm5t :i* suit$ ea* ( 8 monks1 & ) !m he improvis$ artisans1 writ+ cl]ks1 trans=m$ a pr(essor ( pla9 *ant into an ag5t1 plung$ into ! tumult ( pur*ases & sales1 & little by little ! h\se :i* sc>cely 0 rais$ above ! soil1 grew1 put =? %oots1 & end$ by n\ri%+ ) its fruit ! abbey :i* _h plant$ x4 ,transport$ into ano!r environm5t ^! p w\ld h z easily creat$ great manufactories & />t$ banks4 ,& x 0 ! same ) ! wom54 ,:5 "o ?9ks ( ! practical qualities ( a man ( bus9ess1 & ! coolness ( an old diplomati/ :i* a "m abbess ought to possess 9 ord] to rule h] community1 "o is oblig$ to admit t ! only wom51 truly intellig5t1 truly rem>kable are1 outside ( draw+-rooms1 outside ( ! _w1 at ! head ( cloi/]s4 ,& z he express$ 8 wond] al\d1 t monks 7 s exp]t at sett+ up bus9ess4 ,x mu/ be s1 sigh$ ! fa!r1 b if y believe t we d n regret ! "t necess>ily sp5t 9 digg+ ! gr\nd6 !n our _s at lea/ 0 free1 !n we c\ld sanctify ourselves 9 sil5ce :i* to a monk is z necess>y z bread1 = x is ?anks to x1 t he /ifles vanity z x rises1 t he represses disob$i5ce z x murmurs1 t he turns all 8 aspirations1 all 8 ?\ghts t[>ds ,god1 & becomes at la/ att5tive to ,8 pres5ce4 ,in/ead ( t 444 b "h we are at ! /ation2 d n tr\ble y\rself ab\t y\r portmanteau1 b g & take y\r ticket1 = ,i he> ! :i/le ( ! tra94 ,& 9 fact ,durtal _h only "t to %ake h&s ) ! fa!r1 :o put 8 luggage into ! c>riage4 ,!re1 :5 he 0 alone1 seat$1 look+ at ! monk z he dep>t$1 he felt 8 he>t swell1 ready to break4 ,& 9 ! clatt] ( ! rails ! tra9 />t$4 ,%>ply1 cle>ly1 9 a m9ute1 ,durtal took /ock ( ! frightful disord] into :i* he _h ?r[n ! mona/]y4 ,ah6 & outside x1 all is ! same to me1 & no?+ matt]s to me1 he cri$4 ,& he groan$1 kn[+ t he %\ld nev] m succe$ 9 int]e/+ himself 9 all t makes ! joy ( m54 ,! uselessness ( c>+ ab\t any o!r ?+ ?an ,my/icism & ! liturgy1 ( ?9k+ ab\t aught else save ,god1 implant$ itself 9 him s firmly t he ask$ himself :at w\ld become ( him at ,p>is ) su* ideas4 ,he saw himself submitt+ to ! confusion ( controv]sies1 ! c[>dice ( conv5tionality1 ! vanity ( decl>ations1 ! inanity ( pro(s4 ,he saw himself bruis$ & ?ru/ aside by ! reflections ( ev]ybody1 oblig$ h5ce=w>d to advance or retire1 dispute or hold 8 tongue8 ,9 any case peace 0 = ev] lo/4 ,h[ 9 fact 0 he to rally & recov] :5 he 0 oblig$ to dwell 9 a place ( passage1 9 a s\l op5 to all w9ds1 visit$ by a cr[d ( public ?\ghts8 ,8 contempt = relations1 8 disgu/ = acqua9tances grew on him4 ,no1 ev]y?+ r ?an mix myself aga9 ) society1 he decl>$ to himself1 & !n he 0 sil5t 9 despair1 = he 0 n ignorant t he c\ld n1 ap>t f ! mona/ic zone1 live 9 isolation4 ,aft] a %ort "t w\ld come we>9ess & a void1 !re=e :y _h he res]v$ no?+ = himself1 :y _h he tru/$ all to ! cloi/]8 ,he _h n ev5 kn[n h[ to arrange ! pleasure ( ent]+ into himself1 he _h discov]$ h[ to lose ! amusem5t ( bric--brac1 h[ to extirpate t la/ satisfaction 9 ! :ite nak$ness ( a cell6 he no long] held to any?+1 b lay dismantl$1 say+1 ,i h r5\nc$ almo/ all ! happ9ess :i* might fall to me1 & :at am ,i go+ to put 9 its place8 ,& t]rifi$1 he p]ceiv$ ! disquiet ( a consci5ce ready to torm5t itself1 ! p]man5t reproa*es ( an acquir$ lukew>mness1 ! appreh5sions ( d\bts aga9/ ,fai?1 fe> ( furi\s clam\rs ( ! s5ses /irr$ by *ance meet+s4 ,& he repeat$ to himself t ! mo/ difficult ?+ w\ld n be to ma/] ! emotions ( 8 fle%1 b inde$ to live ,*ri/ianly1 to confess1 to communicate at ,p>is1 9 a *ur*4 ,he nev] c\ld get s f> z t1 & he imag9$ discussions ) ! ,abb ,gvres91 8 ga9+ "t1 8 refusal1 =esee+ t _! fri5d%ip w\ld come to an end 9 ^! disputes4 ,!n :]e %\ld he fly8 ,at ! v recollection ( ! ,trappi/ mona/]y ! !atrical repres5tations ( ,/4 ,sulpice made him jump4 ,/4 ,sev]9 seem$ to him di/ract$ & worn4 ,h[ c\ld he live among /upid p l ! dev\t1 h[ li/5 )\t gna%+ 8 tee? to ! affect$ *ants ( ! *oirs8 ,h[1 la/ly1 c\ld he seek aga9 9 ! *apel ( ! ,b5$ict9e nuns1 & ev5 at ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 t dull heat radiat+ f ! s\ls ( ! monks1 & ?aw+ little by little ! ice ( 8 poor be+8 ,& !n x 0 n ev5 t4 ,:at 0 truly cru%+1 truly dreadful1 0 to ?9k t d\btless he w\ld nev] aga9 feel t admirable joy :i* lifts y f ! gr\nd1 c>ries y1 y "k n :]e1 nor h[1 above s5se4 ,ah1 ^? pa?s at ! mona/]y w&]$ 9 at daybreak1 ^? pa?s :]e "o day aft] a communion1 ,god _h dilat$ 8 s\l 9 su* a fa%ion t x seem$ no long] 8 own1 s mu* _h ,*ri/ plung$ him 9 ! sea ( ,8 div9e inf9ity1 swall[$ him 9 ! heav5ly firmam5t ( ,8 p]son4 ,h[ r5ew t /ate ( grace )\t communion & outside a cloi/]8 ,no2 x is all ov]1 he conclud$4 ,& he 0 seiz$ ) su* an access ( sadness1 su* an outbur/ ( despair1 t he ?\ght ( gett+ out at ! fir/ /ation1 & return+ to ! mona/]y2 & he _h to %rug 8 %\ld]s1 = 8 "* 0 n pati5t en\gh nor 8 w firm en\gh1 nor 8 body /rong en\gh to support ! t]rible trials ( a noviciate4 ,moreov]1 ! prospect ( hav+ no cell to himself1 ( sleep+ dress$ higgl$y-piggl$y 9 a dormitory1 al>m$ him4 ,b :at !n8 ,& sadly he took /ock ( himself4 ,ah6 he ?\ght1 ,i h liv$ tw5ty ye>s 9 t5 days 9 t conv5t1 & ,i leave x1 my bra9 relax$1 my he>t 9 rags2 ,i am done =1 = ev]4 ,p>is & ,notre ,dame de l',atre h reject$ me ea* 9 _! turn l a waif1 & "h ,i am condemn$ to live ap>t1 = ,i am /ill too mu* a man ( lett]s to become a monk1 & yet ,i am already too mu* a monk to rema9 among m5 ( lett]s4 ,he leapt up & 0 sil5t1 dazzl$ by jets ( electric light :i* flood$ him z ! tra9 /opp$4 ,he _h return$ to ,p>is4 ,if !y1 he said1 ?9k+ ( ^? writ]s :om x w\ld no d\bt be difficult n to see aga91 if !y knew h[ inf]ior !y are to ! l[e/ ( ! lay bro!rs6 if !y c\ld imag9e h[ ! div9e intoxication ( a ,trappi/ sw9e-h]d int]e/s me m ?an all _! conv]sations & all _! books6 ,ah6 ,"l1 t ,i might live1 live 9 ! %ad[ ( ! pray]s ( humble ,bro!r ,simeon6