,,en ,,route  by  ,j4 ,k4 ,,huysmans    
,translated by ,w4 ,fleming        ,,en 
,,route4  ,,chapter ,i4   ,during the   
first week in ,november1 the week within
 the ,octave of ,all ,souls1 ,durtal    
entered ,st4 ,sulpice1 at eight o'clock 
in the evening4 ,he often chose to turn 
into that church1 because there was a   
trained choir1 and because he could     
there examine himself at peace1 apart   
from the crowd4 ,the ugliness of the    
nave1 with its heavy vaulting1 vanished 
at night1 the aisles were often empty1  
it was ill-lighted by a few lamps--it   
was possible for a man to chide his soul
 in secret1 as if at home4  ,durtal sat 
down behind the high altar1 on the left1
 in the aisle along the ,rue de ,st4    
,sulpice2 the lamps of the choir organ  
were lighted4 ,far off1 in the almost   
empty nave1 an ecclesiastic was         
preaching4 ,he recognized1 by the       
unctuousness of his delivery1 and his   
oily accent1 a well-fed priest who      
poured on his audience1 according to his

 wont1 his best known commonplaces4     
,why are they so devoid of eloquence8   
thought ,durtal4 ,i have had the        
curiosity to listen to many of them1 and
 they are much the same4 ,they only vary
 in the tones of their voice4 ,according
 to their temperament1 some are bruised 
down in vinegar1 others steeped in oil4 
,there is no such thing as a clever     
combination4 ,and he called to mind     
orators petted like tenors1 ,monsabr1   
,didon1 those ,coquelins of the ,church1
 and lower yet than those products of   
the ,catholic training school1 that     
bellicose booby the ,abb d',hulst4      
,afterwards1 he continued1 come the     
mediocrities1 each puffed by the handful
 of devotees who listen to them4 ,if    
those cooks of the soul had any skill1  
if they served their clients with       
delicate meats1 theological essences1   
gravies of prayer1 concentrated sauces  
of ideas1 they would vegetate           
misunderstood by their flocks4 ,so1 on  
the whole1 it is all for the best4 ,the 

low-water mark of the clergy must       
conform to the level of the faithful1   
and indeed ,providence has provided     
carefully for this4  ,a stamping of     
shoes1 then the movement of chairs      
grinding on the flags interrupted him4  
,the sermon was over4  ,then a great    
stillness was broken by a prelude from  
the organ1 which dropped to a low tone1 
a mere accompaniment to the voices4  ,a 
slow and mournful chant arose1 the ,de  
,profundis4 ,the blended voices sounded 
under the arches1 intermingling with the
 somewhat raw sounds of the harmonicas1 
like the sharp tones of breaking glass4 
,resting on the low accompaniment of the
 organ1 aided by basses so hollow that  
they seemed to have descended into      
themselves1 as it were underground1 they
 sprang out1 chanting the verse ,de     
profundis ad te clamavi1 ,do-- and then 
stopped in fatigue1 letting the last    
syllables mine fall like a heavy tear2  
then these voices of children1 near     
breaking1 took up the second verse of   

the psalm1 ,domine exaudi vocem meam1   
and the second half of the last word    
again remained in suspense1 but instead 
of separating1 and falling to the       
ground1 there to be crushed out like a  
drop1 it seemed to gather itself        
together with a supreme effort1 and     
fling to heaven the anguished cry of the
 disincarnate soul1 cast naked1 and in  
tears before ,god4  ,and after a pause1 
the organ1 aided by two double-basses1  
bellowed out1 carrying all the voices in
 its torrent--baritones1 tenors1 basses1
 not now serving only as sheaths to the 
sharp blades of the urchin voices1 but  
openly with full throated sound--yet the
 dash of the little soprani pierced them
 through all at once like a crystal     
arrow4  ,then a fresh pause1 and in the 
silence of the church1 the verses       
mourned out anew1 thrown up by the      
organ1 as by a spring board4 ,as he     
listened with attention endeavouring to 
resolve the sounds1 closing his eyes1   
,durtal saw them at first almost        

horizontal1 then rising little by       
little1 then raising themselves upright1
 then quivering in tears1 before their  
final breaking4  ,suddenly at the end of
 the psalm1 when the response of the    
antiphon came--,et lux perpetua luceat  
eis--the children's voices broke into a 
sad1 silken cry1 a sharp sob1 trembling 
on the word eis1 which remained         
suspended in the void4  ,these          
children's voices stretched to breaking1
 these clear sharp voices threw into the
 darkness of the chant some whiteness of
 the dawn1 joining their pure1 soft     
sounds to the resonant tones of the     
basses1 piercing as with a jet of living
 silver the sombre cataract of the      
deeper singers2 they sharpened the      
wailing1 strengthened and embittered the
 burning salt of tears1 but they        
insinuated also a sort of protecting    
caress1 balsamic freshness1 lustral     
help2 they lighted in the darkness those
 brief gleams which tinkle in the       
,angelus at dawn of day2 they called up1

 anticipating the prophecies of the     
text1 the compassionate image of the    
,virgin1 passing1 in the pale light of  
their tones1 into the darkness of that  
sequence4  ,the ,de ,profundis so       
chanted was incomparably beautiful4     
,that sublime prayer ending in sobs1 at 
the moment when the soul of the voices  
was about to overpass human limits1 gave
 a wrench to ,durtal's nerves1 and made 
his heart beat4 ,then he wished to      
abstract himself1 and cling especially  
to the meaning of that sorrowful plaint1
 in which the fallen being calls upon   
its ,god with groans and lamentations4  
,those cries of the third verse came    
back to him1 wherein calling on his     
,saviour in despair from the bottom of  
the abyss1 man1 now that he knows he is 
heard1 hesitates ashamed1 knowing not   
what to say4 ,the excuses he has        
prepared appear to him vain1 the        
arguments he has arranged seem to him of
 no effect1 and he stammers forth2 ,if  
,thou1 ,o ,lord1 shalt observe          

iniquities1 ,lord1 who shall endure it8 
,it is a pity1 said ,durtal to himself1 
that this psalm1 which in its first     
verses chants so magnificently the      
despair of humanity1 becomes in those   
which follow more personal to ,king     
,david4 ,i know well1 he went on1 that  
we must accept the symbolic sense of    
this pleading1 admit that the despot    
confounds his own cause with that of    
,god1 that his adversaries are the      
unbelievers and the wicked1 that he     
himself1 according to the doctors of the
 ,church1 prefigures the person of      
,christ2 but yet the memory of his      
fleshly desires1 and the presumptuous   
praise he gives to his incorrigible     
people1 contracts the scope of the poem4
 ,happily the melody has a life apart   
from the text1 a life of its own1 not   
arising out of mere tribal dissensions1 
but extending to all the earth1 chanting
 the anguish of the time to be born1 as 
well as of the present day1 and of the  
ages which are no more4  ,the ,de       

,profundis had ceased2 after a silence1 
the choir intoned a motet of the        
eighteenth century1 but ,durtal was only
 moderately interested in human music in
 churches4 ,what seemed to him superior 
to the most vaunted works of theatrical 
or worldly music1 was the old plain     
chant1 that even and naked melody1 at   
once ethereal and of the tomb1 the      
solemn cry of sadness and lofty shout of
 joy1 those grandiose hymns of human    
faith1 which seem to well up in the     
cathedrals1 like irresistible geysers1  
at the very foot of the ,romanesque     
columns4 ,what music1 however ample1    
sorrowful or tender1 is worth the ,de   
,profundis chanted in unison1 the       
solemnity of the ,magnificat1 the       
splendid warmth of the ,lauda ,sion1 the
 enthusiasm of the ,salve ,regina1 the  
sorrow of the ,miserere1 and the ,stabat
 ,mater1 the majestic omnipotence of the
 ,te ,deum8 ,artists of genius have set 
themselves to translate the sacred      
texts3 ,vittoria1 ,josquin de ,prs1     

,palestrina1 ,orlando ,lasso1 ,handel1  
,bach1 ,haydn1 have written wonderful   
pages2 often indeed they have been      
uplifted by the mystic effluence1 the   
very emanation of the ,middle ,ages1 for
 ever lost2 and yet their works have    
retained a certain pomp1 and in spite of
 all are pretentious1 as opposed to the 
humble magnificence1 the sober splendour
 of the ,gregorian chant--with them the 
whole thing came to an end1 for         
composers no longer believed4  ,yet in  
modern times some religious pieces may  
be cited of ,lesueur1 ,wagner1 ,berlioz1
 and ,csar ,franck1 and in these again  
we are conscious of the artist          
underlying his work1 the artist         
determined to show his skill1 thinking  
to exalt his own glory1 and therefore   
leaving ,god out4 ,we feel ourselves in 
the presence of superior men1 but men   
with their weaknesses1 their inseparable
 vanity1 and even the vice of their     
senses4 ,in the liturgical chant1       
created almost always anonymously in the

 depth of the cloisters1 was an         
extraterrestrial well1 without taint of 
sin or trace of art4 ,it was an uprising
 of souls already freed from the slavery
 of the flesh1 an explosion of elevated 
tenderness and pure joy1 it was also the
 idiom of the ,church1 a musical gospel 
appealing like the ,gospel itself at    
once to the most refined and the most   
humble4  ,ah6 the true proof of         
,catholicism was that art which it had  
founded1 an art which has never been    
surpassed2 in painting and sculpture the
 ,early ,masters1 mystics in poetry and 
in prose1 in music plain chant1 in      
architecture the ,romanesque and ,gothic
 styles4 ,and all this held together and
 blazed in one sheaf1 on one and the    
same altar2 all was reconciled in one   
unique cluster of thoughts3 to revere1  
adore and serve the ,dispenser1 showing 
to ,him reflected in the soul of ,his   
creature1 as in a faithful mirror1 the  
still immaculate treasure of ,his gifts4
  ,then in those marvellous ,middle     

,ages1 wherein ,art1 foster-child of the
 ,church1 encroached on death and       
advanced to the threshold of ,eternity1 
and to ,god1 the divine concept and the 
heavenly form were guessed and          
half-perceived1 for the first and       
perhaps for the last time by man4 ,they 
answered and echoed each other--art     
calling to art4  ,the ,virgins had faces
 almond-shaped1 elongated like those    
ogives which the ,gothic style contrived
 in order to distribute an ascetic      
light1 a virginal dawn in the mysterious
 shrine of its naves4 ,in the pictures  
of the ,early ,masters the complexion of
 holy women becomes transparent as      
,paschal wax1 and their hair is pale as 
golden grains of frankincense1 their    
childlike bosoms scarcely swell1 their  
brows are rounded like the glass of the 
pyx1 their fingers taper1 their bodies  
shoot upwards like delicate columns4    
,their beauty becomes1 as it were1      
liturgical4 ,they seem to live in the   
fire of stained glass1 borrowing from   

the flaming whirlwind of the            
rose-windows the circles of their       
aureoles4 ,the ardent blue of their     
eyes1 the dying embers of their lips1   
keeping for their garments the colours  
they disdain for their flesh1 stripping 
them of their light1 changing them1 when
 they transfer them to stuffs1 into     
opaque tones which aid still more by    
their contrast to declare the seraphic  
clearness of their look1 the grievous   
paleness of the mouth1 to which1        
according to the ,proper of the season1 
the scent of the lily of the ,canticles 
or the penitential fragrance of myrrh in
 the ,psalms lend their perfume4  ,then 
among artists was a coalition of brains1
 a welding together of souls4 ,painters 
associated themselves in the same ideal 
of beauty with architects1 they united  
in an indestructible relation cathedrals
 and saints1 only reversing the usual   
process--they framed the jewel according
 to the shrine1 and modelled the relics 
for the reliquary4  ,on their side the  

sequences chanted by the ,church had    
subtle affinities with the canvases of  
the ,early ,painters4  ,vittoria's      
responses for ,tenebr are of a like     
inspiration and an equal loftiness with 
those of ,quentin ,matsys' great work1  
the ,entombment of ,christ4 ,the ,regina
 ,coeli of the ,flemish musician ,lasso 
has the same good faith1 the same simple
 and strange attraction1 as certain     
statues of a reredos1 or religious      
pictures of the elder ,breughel4        
,lastly1 the ,miserere of ,josquin de   
,prs1 choirmaster of ,louis ,,xii41 has1
 like the panels of the ,early ,masters 
of ,burgundy and ,flanders1 a patient   
intention1 a stiff1 threadlike          
simplicity1 but also it exhales like    
them a truly mystical savour1 and its   
awkwardness of outline is very touching4
  ,the ideal of all these works is the  
same and attained by different means4   
,as for plain chant1 the agreement of   
its melody with architecture is also    
certain2 it also bends from time to time

 like the sombre ,romanesque arcades1   
and rises1 shadowy and pensive1 like    
complete vaulting4 ,the ,de ,profundis1 
for instance1 curves in on itself like  
those great groins which form the smoky 
skeleton of the bays2 it is like them   
slow and dark1 extends itself only in   
obscurity and moves only in the shadow  
of the crypts4  ,sometimes1 on the other
 hand1 the ,gregorian chant seems to    
borrow from ,gothic its flowery         
tendrils1 its scattered pinnacles1 its  
gauzy rolls1 its tremulous lace1 its    
trimmings light and thin as the voices  
of children4 ,then it passes from one   
extreme to another1 from the amplitude  
of sorrow to an infinite joy2 at other  
times again1 the plain music1 and the   
,christian music to which it gave birth1
 lend themselves1 like sculpture1 to the
 gaiety of the people1 associate        
themselves with simple gladness1 and the
 sculptured merriment of the ancient    
porches2 they take the popular rhythm of
 the crowd1 as in the ,christmas carol  

,adeste ,fideles and in the ,paschal    
hymn ,o ,filii et ,fili2 they become    
trivial and familiar like the ,gospels1 
submitting themselves to the humble     
wishes of the poor1 lending them a      
holiday tune easy to catch1 a running   
melody which carries them into pure     
regions where these simple souls can    
cast themselves at the indulgent feet of
 ,christ4  ,born of the ,church1 and    
bred up by her in the choir-schools of  
the ,middle ,ages1 plain chant is the   
aerial and mobile paraphrase of the     
immovable structure of the cathedrals2  
it is the immaterial and fluid          
interpretation of the canvases of the   
,early ,painters2 it is a winged        
translation1 but also the strict and    
unbending stole of those ,latin         
sequences1 which the monks built up or  
hewed out in the cloisters in the       
far-off olden time4  ,now it is changed 
and disconnected1 foolishly overwhelmed 
by the crash of organs1 and is chanted1 
,god knows how6  ,most choirs when they 

intone it1 like to imitate the rumbling 
and gurgling of water-pipes1 others the 
grating of rattles1 the creaking of     
pullies1 the grinding of a crane1 but1  
in spite of all1 its beauty remains1    
unextinguished1 dulled though it be1 by 
the wild bellowing of the singers4  ,the
 sudden silence in the church roused    
,durtal4 ,he rose and looked about him2 
in his corner was no one save two poor  
women1 asleep1 their feet on the bars of
 chairs1 their heads on their knees4    
,leaning forward a little1 he saw1      
hanging above him in a dark chapel1 the 
light of a lamp1 like a ruby in its red 
glass2 no sound save the military tread 
of the ,suisse1 making his round in the 
distance4  ,durtal sat down again2 the  
sweetness of his solitude was enhanced  
by the aromatic perfume of wax1 and the 
memories1 now faint1 of incense1 but it 
was suddenly broken4 ,as the first      
chords crashed on the organ ,durtal     
recognized the ,dies ir1 that despairing
 hymn of the ,middle ,ages2             

instinctively he bowed his head and     
listened4  ,this was no more as in the  
,de ,profundis an humble supplication1 a
 suffering which believes it has been   
heard1 and discerns a path of light to  
guide it in the darkness1 no longer the 
prayer which has hope enough not to     
tremble2 it was the cry of absolute     
desolation and of terror4  ,and1 indeed1
 the wrath divine breathed tempestuously
 through these stanzas4 ,they seemed    
addressed less to the ,god of mercy1 to 
the ,son who listens to prayer1 than to 
the inflexible ,father1 to ,him whom the
 ,old ,testament shows us1 overcome with
 anger1 scarcely appeased by the smoke  
of the pyres1 the inconceivable         
attractions of burnt-offerings4 ,in this
 chant it asserted itself still more    
savagely1 for it threatened to strike   
the waters1 and break in pieces the     
mountains1 and to rend asunder the      
depths of heaven by thunder-bolts4 ,and 
the earth1 alarmed1 cried out in fear4  
,a crystalline voice1 a clear child's   

voice1 proclaimed in the nave the       
tidings of these cataclysms1 and after  
this the choir chanted new strophes     
wherein the implacable judge came with  
shattering blare of trumpet1 to purify  
by fire the rottenness of the world4    
,then1 in its turn1 a bass1 deep as a   
vault1 as though issuing from the crypt1
 accentuated the horror of these        
prophecies1 made these threats more     
overwhelming1 and after a short strain  
by the choir1 an alto repeated them in  
yet more detail4 ,then1 so soon as the  
awful poem had exhausted the enumeration
 of chastisement and suffering1 in      
shrill tones--the falsetto of a little  
boy--the name of ,jesus went by1 and a  
light broke in on the thunder-cloud1 the
 panting universe cried for pardon1     
recalling1 by all the voices of the     
choir1 the infinite mercies of the      
,saviour1 and ,his pardon1 pleading with
 ,him for absolution1 as formerly ,he   
had spared the penitent thief and the   
,magdalen4  ,but in the same despairing 

and headstrong melody the tempest raged 
again1 drowned with its waves the       
half-seen shores of heaven1 and the     
solos continued1 discouraged1           
interrupted by the recurrent weeping of 
the choir1 giving1 with the diversity of
 voices1 a body to the special          
conditions of shame1 the particular     
states of fear1 the different ages of   
tears4  ,at last1 when still mixed and  
blended1 these voices had borne away on 
the great waters of the organ all the   
wreckage of human sorrows1 all the buoys
 of prayers and tears1 they fell        
exhausted1 paralyzed by terror1 wailing 
and sighing like a child who hides its  
face1 stammering ,dona eis requiem1 they
 ended1 worn out1 in an ,amen so        
plaintive1 that it died away in a breath
 above the sobbing of the organ4  ,what 
man could have imagined such despair1   
dreamed of such disasters8 ,and ,durtal 
made answer to himself3 ,no man4  ,in   
fact the attempt has been vain to       
discover the author both of the music   

and of the sequence4 ,they have been    
attributed to ,frangipani1 ,thomas of   
,celano1 ,st4 ,bernard and a crowd of   
others1 and they have remained          
anonymous1 simply formed by the sad     
alluvial deposits of the age4 ,the ,dies
 ir seemed to have1 at first1 fallen1   
like a seed of desolation1 among the    
distracted souls of the eleventh        
century2 it germinated there and grew   
slowly1 nurtured by the sap of anguish1 
watered by the rain of tears4 ,it was at
 last pruned when it seemed ripe1 and   
had1 perhaps1 thrown out too many       
branches1 for in one of the earliest    
known texts1 a stanza1 which has since  
disappeared1 called up the magnificent  
and barbarous image of an earth         
revolving as it belched forth flames1   
while the constellations burst into     
shards1 and heaven shrivelled like a    
parched scroll4  ,all this1 concluded   
,durtal1 does not prevent these triple  
stanzas woven of shadow and cold1 full  
of reverberating rhymes1 and hard       

echoes1 this music of rude stuff which  
wraps the phrases like a shroud1 and    
masks the rigid outlines of the work1   
from being admirable6 ,yet that chant   
which constrains1 and renders with such 
energy the breadth of the sequence1 that
 melodic period1 which without          
variation1 remaining always the same1   
succeeds in expressing by turns prayer  
and terror1 moves me less than the ',de 
,profundis1' which yet has not its      
grandiose spaciousness nor that artistic
 cry of despair4  ,but chanted to the   
organ the psalm is earthy and           
suffocating4 ,it comes from out the very
 depths of the sepulchre1 while the     
',dies ir' has its source only on the   
sill of the tomb4 ,the first is the very
 voice of the dead1 the second that of  
the living who inter him1 and the dead  
man weeps1 but takes courage a little1  
when those that bury him despair4  ,to  
sum up1 ,durtal concluded1 ,i prefer the
 text of the ',dies ir' to that of the  
',de ,profundis1' and the melody of the 

',de ,profundis' to that of the ',dies  
ir4' ,it is true also that this last    
sequence is modernized1 and chanted     
theatrically here1 without the imposing 
and needful march of unison4  ,this     
time1 for instance1 it is devoid of     
interest1 he continued1 ceasing his     
thoughts for a moment1 to listen to the 
piece of modern music which the choir   
was just then rendering4 ,ah1 who will  
take on himself to proscribe that pert  
mysticism1 those fonts of toilet-water  
which ,gounod invented6444 ,there ought 
indeed to be astonishing penalties for  
choir masters who allow such musical    
effeminacy in church4 ,this is1 as it   
was this morning at the ,madeleine1 when
 ,i happened to be present at the       
interminable funeral of an old banker2  
they played a military march with violin
 and violoncello accompaniments1 with   
trumpets and timbrels1 a heroic and     
worldly march to celebrate the departure
 and the decomposition of a             
financier6444 ,it is too absurd4 ,and   

listening no more to the music in ,st4  
,sulpice1 ,durtal transferred himself in
 thought to the ,madeleine1 and went off
 at full speed in his dreams4  ,indeed1 
he said to himself1 the clergy make     
,jesus like a tourist1 when they invite 
,him daily to come down into that church
 whose exterior is surmounted by no     
cross1 and whose interior is like the   
grand reception-room at an hotel4 ,but  
how can you make those priests          
understand that ugliness is sacrilege1  
and that nothing is equal to the        
frightful sin of this confusion of      
,romanesque and ,greek1 these pictures  
of aged men1 that flat ceiling studded  
with skylights1 from which filter in all
 weathers the spoiled gleams of a rainy 
day1 to that futile altar surmounted by 
a circle of angels who1 in discreet     
abandonment1 dance in honour of our     
,lady1 a motionless marble rigadoon8    
,yet in the ,madeleine1 at a funeral1   
when the door opens1 and the corpse     
advances in a gap of daylight1 all is   

changed4 ,like a superterrestrial       
antiseptic1 an extrahuman disinfectant1 
the liturgy purifies and cleanses the   
impious ugliness of the place4  ,and    
thinking over his memories of the       
morning1 ,durtal saw again1 as he closed
 his eyes1 at the end of the            
semicircular apse1 the procession of red
 and black robes1 white surplices1      
joining in front of the altar1          
descending the steps together1 making   
their way together to the catafalque1   
dividing again on each aide1 joining to 
mix afresh in the great gangway between 
the chairs4  ,this slow and silent      
procession1 led by incomparable         
,suisses1 in mourning1 their swords     
horizontal1 and a general's epaulets in 
jet1 advanced1 preceded by a cross1 in  
front of the corpse laid on tressels1   
and far-off in all that confusion of    
lights falling from the roof1 and       
lighted flambeaux round the catafalque  
and on the altar1 the white of the      
tapers disappeared1 and the priests who 

bore them seemed to march with empty    
hands uplifted as though to point out   
the stars which accompanied them1       
twinkling above their heads4  ,then when
 the bier was surrounded by the clergy1 
the ,de ,profundis burst forth from the 
depths of the sanctuary1 intoned by     
invisible singers4  ,that was good1 said
 ,durtal to himself4 ,at the ,madeleine 
the voices of the children are sharp and
 feeble1 and the basses are badly       
trained and failing2 we are evidently   
far from the choir of ,st4 ,sulpice1 but
 all the same it was superb2 then what a
 moment was that of the priests'        
communion1 when suddenly arising from   
the murmuring of the choir1 the voice of
 the tenor threw above the corpse the   
magnificent plain chant antiphon--      
,requiem ternam dona eis ,domine     ,et
 lux perpetua luceat eis4  ,it seems    
that after all the lamentations of the  
,de ,profundis and the ,dies ir1 the    
presence of ,god1 who comes then upon   
the altar1 brings consolation1 and      

sanctions the confident and solemn pride
 of that melodious phrase1 which then   
invokes ,christ1 without dread and      
without tears4  ,the mass ended1 the    
celebrant disappeared1 and1 as at the   
moment when the corpse entered1 the     
clergy1 preceded by the ,suisses1       
advanced towards the body1 and in the   
blazing circle of the tapers1 a priest1 
in his cope1 said the mighty prayers of 
the general absolution4  ,then the      
liturgy took a higher tone1 and became  
still more admirable4 ,mediative between
 the sinner and the judge1 the ,church1 
by the mouth of her priest1 implores the
 ,lord to pardon the poor soul3 ,non    
intres in judicium cum servo tuo        
,domine--then after the amen given by   
the organ and all the choir1 a voice    
arose in the silence1 and spoke in the  
name of the dead3--  ,libera me6  and   
the choir continued the old chant of the
 tenth century4 ,just as in the ,dies   
ir1 which appropriates to itself        
fragments of these plaints1 the ,last   

,judgment flamed out1 and pitiless      
responses declare to the dead the       
reality of his alarms1 declare to him   
that at the end of ,time the ,judge will
 come with the crash of thunder to      
chastise the world4  ,the priest marched
 round the catafalque1 sprinkling it    
with beads of holy water1 incensed it1  
gave shelter to the poor weeping soul1  
consoled it1 took it to himself1 covered
 it1 as it were1 with his cope1 and     
again1 intervened to pray that1 after so
 much weariness and sorrow1 the ,lord   
will permit the unhappy one to sleep the
 sleep that knows no waking1 far from   
earth's noises4  ,never1 in any         
religion1 has a more charitable part1 a 
more august mission been assigned to    
man4 ,lifted1 by his consecration1      
wholly above humanity1 almost deified by
 the sacerdotal office1 the priest1     
while earth laments or is silent1 can   
advance to the brink of the abyss1 and  
intercede for the being whom the ,church
 has baptized as an infant1 who has no  

doubt forgotten her since that day1 and 
may even have persecuted her up to the  
hour of his death4  ,nor does the       
,church shrink from the task4 ,before   
that fleshly dust heaped in a chest1 she
 thinks of that sewage of the soul1 and 
cries3 ,from the gates of hell deliver  
him1 ,o ,lord6 but at the end of the    
general absolution1 at the moment when  
the procession1 turning its back1 is on 
the way to the sacristy1 she too seems  
disquieted4 ,perhaps recalling in an    
instant1 the ill deeds done by that body
 while it was alive1 she seemed to doubt
 if her supplications were heard1 and   
the doubt her words would not frame1    
passed into the intonation of the last  
amen1 murmured at the ,madeleine1 by    
children's voices4  ,timid and distant1 
plaintive and sweet1 this amen said3 ,we
 have done what we could1 but 444 but   
444 ,and in the funereal silence which  
followed the clergy leaving the nave1   
there remained only the ignoble reality 
of the empty husk1 lifted in the arms of

 men1 thrust into a carriage1 like the  
refuse of the shambles carted off each  
morning to be made into soap at the     
factories4  ,if1 continued ,durtal1 in  
opposition to these sad prayers1 these  
eloquent absolutions1 we call up before 
us a marriage mass1 all is changed4     
,there the ,church is disarmed and her  
musical liturgy is as nought4 ,then she 
may well play ,mendelssohn's ,wedding   
,march1 and borrow from profane authors 
the gaiety of their songs to celebrate  
the brief and empty joy of the body4    
,imagine1 and indeed it happens1 the    
canticle of the ,virgin used to magnify 
the glad impatience of a bride4 ,fancy  
the ,te ,deum1 to hymn the blessedness  
of a bridegroom6  ,far away from this   
infamous barter of the flesh1 plain     
chant remains shut up in the            
antiphonaries1 like a monk in the       
cloister1 and when it goes forth1 it is 
to cast up before ,christ his garnered  
pains and sorrows4 ,it gathers and sums 
them up in admirable supplications1 and 

if1 fatigued with pleading it adores1   
its impulse is to glorify eternal       
events1 ,palm ,sunday and ,easter1      
,pentecost and the ,ascension1 ,epiphany
 and ,christmas1 then its joy bursts    
forth so magnificently1 that it springs 
beyond the world to show its ecstatic   
joy at the feet of ,god4  ,as to the    
very ceremonies of the funeral1 they are
 now only the regular way of getting    
money1 an official routine1 a           
prayer-wheel which is turned            
mechanically without thought of it4     
,the organist while he plays thinks of  
his family1 and considers how wearied he
 is2 the bellows-blower thinks1 as he   
fills the pipes1 of the half-pint which 
will dry his sweat2 the tenors and      
basses are careful of their effects1 and
 admire themselves in the more or less  
rippled water of their voices2 the choir
 boys dream of their scampers after     
mass2 and1 moreover1 not one of them at 
all understands a word of the ,latin    
they sing and abridge1 as for instance  

the ,dies ir1 of which they suppress a  
part of the stanzas4  ,in its turn      
beadledom calculates the sum the dead   
man brings in1 and even the priest1     
wearied with the prayers of which he has
 read so many1 and needing his          
breakfast1 prays mechanically from the  
lips outward1 while the assistants are  
in a hurry that the mass to which they  
have not listened should come to an end1
 that they may shake hands with the     
relations1 and leave the dead4  ,there  
is absolute inattention1 profound       
weariness4 ,yet how terrible is that    
thing on the tressels that is waiting   
there in the church1 that empty         
dwelling-place1 that body which is      
already breaking up4 ,liquid manure that
 stinks1 gases which evaporate1 flesh   
that rots is all that remains6  ,and the
 soul1 now that life is over1 and all   
begins8 ,no one thinks of it1 not even  
the family worn out by the length of the
 service1 absorbed in their own sorrow2 
who in fact regret only the visible     

presence of the being they have lost2 no
 one except myself1 thought ,durtal1 and
 a few curious people1 who associate    
themselves in their alarm with the ,dies
 ir and the ,libera1 of which they      
understand both the language and the    
meaning4  ,then by the external sound of
 the words1 without the aid of          
contemplation1 without even the help of 
thought1 the ,church acts4  ,there it   
is1 the miracle of her liturgy1 the     
power of her word1 the constantly       
renewed prodigy of phrases created by   
revolving time1 of prayers arranged by  
ages which are dead4 ,all has passed1   
nothing exists that was raised up in    
those bygone times4 ,yet those sequences
 remain intact1 cried aloud by          
indifferent voices and cast out from    
empty hearts1 plead1 groan1 and implore 
even with efficacy1 by their virtual    
power1 their talismanic might1 their    
inalienable beauty by the almighty      
confidence of their faith4 ,the ,middle 
,ages have left us these to help us to  

save1 if it may be1 the soul of the     
modern and dead fine gentleman4  ,at the
 present time1 concluded ,durtal1 there 
is nothing left peculiar to ,paris1 but 
the ceremonies1 very like each other1 of
 taking the veil and of funerals4 ,it is
 unfortunate that when we have to do    
with a sumptuous corpse1 undertakers    
have their way4  ,they then bring out   
their terrible upholstery1 plated       
statues of our ,lady in atrocious taste1
 zinc basins in which blaze bowls of    
green punch1 tin candelabra at the end  
of a branch1 like a cannon on end with  
its mouth upwards1 supporting spiders on
 their backs1 with burning candles set  
about their legs1 all the funeral       
ironmongery of the ,first ,empire1 with 
curtain rods in relief1 acanthus leaves1
 winged hour-glasses1 lozenges and      
,greek frets4 ,it is unfortunate1 too1  
that to touch up the miserable furniture
 of these ceremonies they play ,massenet
 and ,dubois1 ,benjamin ,godard and     
,widor1 or1 worse still1 the sacristy   

orchestra1 mystical bellowing1 such as  
the women sing1 who are affiliated to   
the confraternities of the month of     
,may4  ,and alas1 we hear no longer the 
tempests of the great organs and the    
majestic dolours of plain chant1 save at
 the funerals of the monied classes2 for
 the poor1 nothing--no choir1 no organ1 
just a handful of prayers1 then a few   
dips of the brush in the holy water     
stoup1 and there is a dead man the more 
on whom the rain falls1 who is carried  
away4 ,but the ,church knows that the   
carrion of the rich rots as much as that
 of the poor1 while his soul stinks     
more1 but she jobs indulgences and      
haggles about masses2 she1 even she1 is 
consumed by the lust of gold4  ,yet ,i  
must not think too ill of these wealthy 
fools1 said ,durtal1 after silent       
thought1 for after all it is thanks to  
them that ,i can hear the admirable     
liturgy of the burial service1 these    
people who perhaps have done no good    
action in their life1 do at least this  

kindness to a few1 without knowing it1  
after their death4  ,a noise recalled   
him to ,st4 ,sulpice2 the choir was     
going1 the church was about to close4 ,i
 might as well have tried to pray1 he   
said to himself1 it would have been     
better than to dream in the empty church
 on a chair4 ,pray indeed8 ,i have no   
desire for it4 ,i am haunted by         
,catholicism1 intoxicated by its        
atmosphere of incense and wax1 ,i prowl 
about it1 moved even to tears by its    
prayers1 touched even to the marrow by  
its psalms and chants4 ,i am thoroughly 
disgusted with my life1 very tired of   
myself1 but it is a far cry from that to
 leading a different existence6 ,and    
yet--and yet 444 ,if ,i am perturbed in 
these chapels1 ,i become unmoved and dry
 again1 as soon as ,i leave them4 ,after
 all1 he said to himself1 getting up1   
and following the few persons who were  
moving towards a door1 driven out by the
 ,suisse1 after all1 my heart is        
hardened and smoke-dried by dissipation1

 ,i am good for nothing4     ,,chapter  
,,ii4   ,how had he again become a      
,catholic1 and got to this point8       
,durtal answered himself3 ,i cannot     
tell1 all that ,i know is that1 having  
been for years an unbeliever1 ,i        
suddenly believe4  ,let us see1 he said 
to himself1 let us try at least to      
consider if1 however great the obscurity
 of such a subject1 there be not common 
sense in it4  ,after all1 my surprise   
depends on preconceived ideas of        
conversions4 ,i have heard of sudden and
 violent crises of the soul1 of a       
thunderbolt1 or even of faith exploding 
at last in ground slowly and cleverly   
mined4 ,it is quite evident that        
conversions may happen in one or other  
of these two ways1 for ,god acts as may 
seem good to ,him1 but there must be    
also a third means1 and this no doubt   
the most usual1 which the ,saviour has  
used in my case4 ,and ,i know not in    
what this consists2 it is something     
analogous to digestion in a stomach1    

which works though we do not feel it4   
,there has been no road to ,damascus1 no
 events to bring about a crisis2 nothing
 has happened1 we awake some fine       
morning1 and1 without knowing how or    
why1 the thing is done4  ,yes1 but in   
fact this manoeuvre is very like that of
 the mine which only explodes after it  
has been deeply dug4 ,yet not so1 for in
 that case the operations are material1 
the objections in the way are resolved2 
,i might have reasoned1 followed the    
course of the spark along the thread1   
but in this case1 no6 ,i sprang         
unexpectedly1 without warning1 without  
even having suspected that ,i was so    
carefully sapped4 ,nor was it a clap of 
thunder1 unless ,i admit that a clap of 
thunder can1 be occult and silent1      
strange and gentle4 ,and this again     
would be untrue1 for sudden disorder of 
the soul almost always follows a        
misfortune or a crime1 an act of which  
we are aware4  ,no1 the one thing which 
seems certain1 in my case1 is that there

 has been divine impulse1 grace4  ,but1 
said he1 in that case the psychology of 
conversion is worthless1 and he made    
answer to himself1--  ,that seems to be 
so1 for ,i seek in vain to retrace the  
stages through which ,i have passed2 no 
doubt ,i can distinguish here and there 
some landmarks on the road ,i have      
travelled3 love of art1 heredity1       
weariness of life2 ,i can even recall   
some of the forgotten sensations of     
childhood1 the subterranean workings of 
ideas excited by my visits to the       
churches2 but ,i am unable to gather    
these threads together1 and group them  
in a skein1 ,i cannot understand the    
sudden and silent explosion of light    
which took place in me4 ,when ,i seek to
 explain to myself how one evening an   
unbeliever1 ,i became without knowing   
it1 on one night a believer1 ,i can     
discover nothing1 for the divine action 
has vanished1 and left no trace4  ,it is
 certain1 he continued1 after silent    
thought1 that in these cases the ,virgin

 acts upon us1 it is she who moulds and 
places us in the hands of her ,son1 but 
her fingers are so light1 so supple1 so 
caressing1 that the soul they have      
handled has felt nothing4  ,on the other
 hand1 if ,i ignore the course and      
stages of my conversion1 ,i can at least
 guess the motives which1 after a life  
of indifference1 have brought me into   
the harbours of the ,church1 made me    
wander round about her borders1 and     
finally gave me a shove from behind to  
bring me in4  ,and he said to himself1  
without more ado1 there are three       
causes3--  ,first1 the atavism of an old
 and pious family1 scattered among the  
monasteries2 and the memories of        
childhood returned to him1 of cousins1  
of aunts1 seen in convent parlours2     
gentle women and grave1 white as wafers1
 who alarmed him by their low voices1   
who troubled him by their looks1 and    
asked if he were a good boy4  ,he felt a
 sort of terror1 and hid himself in his 
mother's skirts1 trembling when he went 

away1 and was obliged to bend his brow  
to those colourless lips1 and undergo   
the touch of a chilly kiss4  ,now that  
he thought of them at a distance1 the   
interviews which had wearied him so much
 in his childhood1 seemed to him        
charming4 ,he put into them all the     
poetry of the cloister1 clothed those   
bare parlours with a faded scent of     
wainscotting and of wax1 and he saw     
again the convent gardens through which 
he had passed1 impregnated with the     
bitter salt scent of box1 planted with  
clipped hedges1 intermingled with       
trellises1 whose green grapes never     
ripened1 divided by benches whose       
mouldering stone kept the traces worn by
 water2 and a thousand details came back
 to him of those silent lime alleys1 of 
the paths where he ran in the interlaced
 shade which branches threw upon the    
ground4 ,these gardens had seemed to him
 to become larger as he grew older1 and 
he retained a somewhat confused memory  
of them1 amid which was the vague       

recollection of an old stately park1 and
 of a presbytery orchard in the north1  
always somewhat damp1 even when the sun 
shone4  ,it was not surprising that     
these sensations1 transformed by time1  
had left in him some traces of pious    
thought1 which grew deeper as his mind  
embellished them2 all this might have   
fermented indistinctly for thirty years1
 and now began to work4  ,but the two   
other causes which he knew1 must have   
been still more active4  ,these were his
 disgust for his life1 and his passion  
for art2 and the disgust was certainly  
aggravated by his solitude and his      
idleness4  ,after having1 in old days1  
made friends by chance1 and having taken
 the impression of souls which had      
nothing in common with his own1 he had  
at last chosen after much useless       
vagabondage2 he had become the intimate 
friend of a certain ,doctor des         
,hermies1 a physician1 who devoted much 
attention to demoniac possession and to 
mysticism1 and of a ,breton1 named      

,carhaix1 the bell-ringer at ,st4       
,sulpice4  ,these friendships were not  
like those he had formerly made1        
entirely superficial and external1 they 
were wide and deep1 based on similarity 
of thought1 and the indissoluble ties of
 soul1 and these had been roughly       
broken2 within two months of each other 
,des ,hermies and ,carhaix died1 the    
former of typhoid fever1 the latter of a
 chill that prostrated him in his tower1
 after he had rung the evening ,angelus4
  ,these were frightful blows for       
,durtal4 ,his life1 now without an      
anchor1 drifted2 he wandered all astray1
 declaring to himself that this         
desolation was final1 since he had      
reached an age at which new friends are 
not made4  ,so he lived alone1 apart    
among his books1 but the solitude which 
he bore bravely1 when he was occupied1  
when he was writing a book1 became      
intolerable to him now that he was idle4
 ,he lounged in an arm-chair in the     
afternoons1 and abandoned himself to his

 dreams3 then1 especially1 fixed ideas  
took hold on him1 and these ended by    
playing pantomimes of which the scenes  
never varied behind the lowered curtain 
of his eyes4 ,nude figures danced in his
 brain to the tune of psalms1 and he    
woke from these dreams weak and panting1
 ready1 if a priest had been there1 to  
throw himself at his feet with tears1   
just as he would have abandoned himself 
to the basest pleasures1 had the        
temptation suddenly come to him4  ,let  
me chase away these phantoms by work1 he
 cried4 ,but at what should he work8 ,he
 had just published the ,life of ,gilles
 de ,rais1 which might interest a few   
artists1 and he now remained without a  
subject1 on the hunt for a book4 ,as1 in
 art1 he was a man of extremes1 he      
always went from one excess to the      
other1 and after having dived into the  
,satanism of the ,middle ,ages1 in his  
account of ,marshal de ,rais1 he saw    
nothing so interesting to investigate as
 the life of a saint4 ,some lines which 

he had discovered in ,grres' and        
,ribet's ,studies in ,mysticism had put 
him on the trace of a certain ,blessed  
,lidwine in search of new documents4    
,but admitting that he could unearth    
anything about her1 could he write the  
life of a saint8 ,he did not believe it1
 and the arguments on which he based his
 opinion seemed plausible4  ,hagiography
 was now a lost branch of art1 as       
completely lost as wood carving1 and the
 miniatures of the old missals4         
,nowadays it is only treated by church  
officers and priests1 by those stylistic
 agents who seem when they write to put 
the embryos of their ideas on ballast   
trucks1 and in their hands it has become
 a commonplace of goody-goody1 a        
translation into a book of the          
statuettes of ,froc ,robert1 and the    
coloured images of ,bouasse4  ,the way  
then was free1 and it seemed at first   
easy enough to plan it out1 but to      
extract the charm of the legends needed 
the simple language of bygone centuries1

 the ingenuous phrases of the days that 
are dead4 ,who in our time can express  
the melancholy essence1 the pale perfume
 of the ancient translations of the     
,golden ,legend of ,voragine1 how bind  
in one bright posy the plaintive        
flowers1 which the monks cultivated in  
their cloistered enclosures1 when       
hagiography was the sister of the       
barbaric and delightful art of the      
illuminators and glass stainers1 of the 
ardent and chaste paintings of the      
,early ,masters8  ,yet we may not think 
of giving ourselves over to studious    
imitations1 nor coldly attempt to ape   
such works as these4 ,the question      
remains1 whether we can with the present
 artistic resources1 succeed in setting 
up the humble yet lofty figure of a     
saint2 and this is at least doubtful1   
for the lack of real simplicity1 the    
over-ingenious art of style1 the tricks 
of careful design and the false craft of
 colour would probably transform the    
elect lady into a strolling player4 ,she

 would be no longer a saint1 but an     
actress who rendered the part more or   
less adroitly2 and then the charm would 
be destroyed1 the miracles would seem   
mechanical1 the episodes would be       
absurd1 then 444 then 444 one must have 
a lively faith1 and believe in the      
sanctity of one's heroine1 if one would 
try to exhume her1 and put her alive    
again in a book4  ,this is so true that 
we may examine ,gustave ,flaubert's     
admirable pages on the legend of ,st4   
,julian the ,hospitaller4 ,their        
development is like a dazzling yet      
regulated tumult1 evolved in superb     
language whose apparent simplicity is   
only due to the complicated ingenuity of
 consummate skill4 ,all is there1 all   
except the accent which would have made 
this work a true masterpiece4 ,given the
 subject1 the fire which should course  
through these magnificent phrases is    
absent1 there lacks the cry of the love 
that faints1 the gift of the superhuman 
exile1 the mystical soul4  ,on the other

 hand1 ,hello's ,physionomies de ,saints
 are worth reading4 ,faith flashes out  
in each of his portraits1 enthusiasm    
runs over in each chapter1 unexpected   
allusions form deep reservoirs of       
thought between the lines2 but after all
 ,hello was so little of an artist that 
the fairest legends fade when his       
fingers touch them2 the meanness of his 
style impoverishes the miracles and     
renders them ineffectual4 ,the art is   
lacking which would rescue the book from
 the category of pale and dead          
publications4  ,the example of these two
 men1 in complete opposition as ever    
writers were1 neither of whom attained  
perfection1 one in the legend of ,st4   
,julian because faith was wanting1 the  
other because his art was poor and      
narrow1 thoroughly discouraged ,durtal4 
,he ought to be both at once1 and yet   
remain himself1 if not1 there was no    
good in buckling to for such a task1 it 
were better to be silent2 and he threw  
himself back in his chair sullen and    

hopeless4 ,then the contempt of his     
desolate life grew upon him1 and once   
more he wondered what interest          
,providence could have in thus          
tormenting the descendants of the first 
convicts4 ,if there were no answer1 he  
was obliged to admit that the ,church in
 these disasters gathered up the waifs1 
sheltered the shipwrecked1 brought them 
home again1 and assured them a          
resting-place4  ,no more than           
,schopenhauer1 whom he had once admired1
 but whose plan of labelling every one  
before death and whose herbarium of dry 
sorrows had wearied him1 has the ,church
 deceived man1 nor sought to decoy him1 
by boasting the mercy of a life which   
she knew to be ignoble4  ,in all her    
inspired books she proclaims the horror 
of fate1 and mourns over the enforced   
task of living4 ,ecclesiasticus1        
,ecclesiastes1 the book of ,job1 the    
,lamentations of ,jeremias manifest this
 sorrow in their every line1 and the    
,middle ,ages too in the ,imitation of  

,jesus ,christ cursed existence1 and    
cried out loudly for death4  ,more      
plainly than ,schopenhauer the ,church  
declared that there is nothing to wish  
for here below1 nothing to expect1 but  
where the mere catalogues of the        
philosopher stop1 the ,church went on1  
overpassing the limits of the senses1   
declared the end of man1 and defined his
 limitations4  ,then1 he said to        
himself1 if it be well considered1 the  
vaunted argument of ,schopenhauer       
against the ,creator1 drawn from the    
misery and injustice of the world1 is   
not irrefutable1 for the world is not as
 ,god made it1 but as man has           
refashioned it4  ,before accusing heaven
 for our ills1 it is1 no doubt1 fitting 
to examine through what phases of       
consent1 through what voluntary falls   
the creature has passed1 before ending  
in the gloomy disaster it deplores4 ,we 
may well curse the vices of our         
ancestors and our own passions which    
beget the greater part of the woes from 

which we suffer2 we may well loathe the 
civilization which has rendered life    
intolerable to cleanly souls1 and not   
the ,lord1 who1 perhaps1 did not create 
us to be shot down by cannon in time of 
war1 to be cheated1 robbed1 and stripped
 in time of peace1 by the slave drivers 
of commerce and the brigands of the     
money market4  ,but that which remains  
for ever incomprehensible is the initial
 horror1 the horror imposed on each of  
us1 of having to live1 and that is a    
mystery no philosophy can explain4  ,ah6
 he went on1 when ,i think of that      
horror1 that disgust of existence which 
has for years and years increased in me1
 ,i understand how ,i am forced to make 
for the ,church1 the only port where ,i 
can find shelter4  ,once ,i despised    
her1 because ,i had a staff on which to 
lean when the great winds of weariness  
blew2 ,i believed in my novels1 ,i      
worked at my history1 ,i had my art4 ,i 
have come to recognize its absolute     
inadequacy1 its complete incapacity to  

afford happiness4 ,then ,i understood   
that ,pessimism was1 at most1 good to   
console those who had no real need of   
comfort2 ,i understood that its         
theories1 alluring when we are young1   
and rich1 and well1 become singularly   
weak and lamentably false1 when age     
advances1 when infirmities declare      
themselves1 when all around is          
crumbling4  ,i went to the church1 that 
hospital for souls4 ,there1 at least1   
they take you in1 put you to bed and    
nurse you1 they do not merely turn their
 backs on you as in the wards of        
,pessimism and tell you the name of your
 disease4  ,finally ,durtal had been    
brought back to religion by art4 ,more  
even than his disgust for life1 art had 
been the irresistible magnet which drew 
him to ,god4 ,the day1 when out of      
curiosity and to kill time1 he had      
entered a church1 and after so many     
years of forgetfulness1 had heard the   
,vespers for the dead fall heavily1     
psalm after psalm1 in antiphonal chant1 

as the singers threw up1 like ditchers1 
their shovelful of verses1 his soul had 
been shaken to its depths4 ,the evenings
 when he had listened at ,st4 ,sulpice  
to the admirable chanting during the    
,octave of ,all ,souls1 he had felt     
himself caught once for all2 but that   
which had put most pressure on him1 and 
brought him yet more completely into    
bondage were the ceremonies and music of
 ,holy ,week4  ,he had visited the      
churches during that week2 and they had 
opened to him like palaces ruined1 like 
cemeteries laid waste by ,god4 ,they    
were forbidding with their veiled       
images1 their crucifixes wrapped        
lozenge-wise in purple1 their organs    
dumb1 their bells silent4 ,the crowd    
flowed in1 busy1 but noiseless1 along   
the floor over the immense cross formed 
by the nave and the two transepts1 and  
entering by the wounds of which the     
doors were figures1 they went up to the 
altar1 where the blood-stained head of  
,christ would lie1 and there on their   

knees eagerly kissed the crucifix which 
marked the place of the chin below the  
steps4  ,and the crowd itself1 as it ran
 in the cruciform mould of the church1  
became itself an enormous cross1 living 
and crawling1 silent and sombre4  ,at   
,st4 ,sulpice1 where the whole assembled
 seminary lamented the ignominy of human
 justice and the fore-ordained death of 
a ,god1 ,durtal had followed the        
incomparable offices of those mournful  
days1 through all their black minutes1  
had listened to the infinite sadness of 
the ,passion1 so nobly and profoundly   
expressed at ,tenebr by the slow        
chanting of the ,lamentations and the   
,psalms1 but when he thought it over1   
that which above all made him shudder   
was the thought of the ,virgin coming on
 the scene on the ,thursday at          
nightfall4  ,the ,church1 till then     
absorbed in her sorrow1 and prostrate   
before the ,cross1 raised herself and   
fell a-weeping on beholding the ,mother4
  ,by all the voices of the choir1 it   

pressed round ,mary1 endeavouring to    
console her1 mixing the tears of the    
,stabat ,mater with her own1 sighing out
 that music of plaintive weeping1       
pressing the wound of that sequence1    
which gave forth water and blood like   
the wound of ,christ ,himself4  ,durtal 
left the church1 worn out with these    
long services1 but his temptations to   
unbelief were gone2 he had no further   
doubt2 it seemed to him that at ,st4    
,sulpice1 grace mixed with the eloquent 
splendours of the liturgies1 and that in
 the dim sorrow of the voices there had 
been appeals to him2 and he therefore   
felt filial gratitude to that church    
where he had lived through hours so     
sweet and sad4  ,yet1 in ordinary weeks 
he did not go there2 it seemed to him   
too great and too cold1 and it was so   
ugly4 ,he preferred warmer and smaller  
sanctuaries1 in which there were still  
traces of the ,middle ,ages4  ,thus on  
idle days when he came out of the       
,louvre1 where he had strayed for a long

 time before the canvases of the ,early 
,painters1 he was wont to take refuge in
 the old church of ,st4 ,severin1 hidden
 away in a corner of the poorer part of 
,paris4  ,he carried with him the       
visions of the canvases he had admired  
at the ,louvre1 and contemplated them   
again1 in this surrounding where they   
were thoroughly at home4  ,then he spent
 delightful moments1 in which he was    
carried away in the clouds of harmony1  
divided by the white splendour of a     
child's voice flashing out from the     
rolling thunder of the organ4  ,there1  
without even praying1 he felt a         
plaintive languor1 a vague uneasiness   
steal over him2 ,st4 ,severin delighted 
him1 aided him more than other churches 
on some days to gain an indescribable   
impression of joy and pity1 sometimes   
even1 when he thought of the filth of   
his senses1 to weave together the regret
 and the terror of his soul4  ,he often 
went there1 especially on ,sunday       
mornings to ,high ,mass at ten o'clock4 

,he was wont to place himself behind the
 high altar1 in that melancholy and     
delicate apse1 planted like a winter    
garden with rare and somewhat fantastic 
trees4 ,it might have been called a     
petrified arbour of very old trunks in  
flower1 but stripped of leaf1 forests of
 pillars1 squared or cut in broad       
panels1 carved with regular notches near
 the base1 hollowed through their whole 
length like rhubarb stalks1 channelled  
like celery4  ,no vegetation expanded at
 the summit of those trunks which bent  
their naked boughs along the vaulting1  
joined and met and gathered at their    
junction1 and thin1 engrafted knots1    
extravagant bunches of heraldic roses1  
armorial flowers with open tracery2 and 
for more than four hundred years no sap 
had run1 no bud had formed in these     
trees4 ,the shafts bent for ever        
remained untouched1 the white bark of   
these pillars was scarcely worn1 but the
 greater part of the flowers were       
withered1 the heraldic petals were      

wanting1 some keystones of the arches   
had only stratified calices1 open like  
nests1 with holes like sponges1 in rags 
like handfuls of russet lace4  ,and     
among this mystic flora1 amid these     
petrified trees1 there was one1 strange 
and charming1 which suggested the       
fanciful idea1 that the blue smoke of   
the rolling incense had condensed1 and1 
as it coagulated1 had grown pale with   
age1 to form1 in twisting1 the spiral of
 a column which was inverted on itself1 
and ended broadening out into a sheaf1  
whereof the broken stems fell from above
 the arches4  ,the corner where ,durtal 
took refuge was faintly lighted by      
pointed stained windows1 with black     
diamond-shaped divisions set with minute
 panes darkened by the accumulated dust 
of years1 rendered still more obscure by
 the woodwork of the chapels1 which cut 
off half their surface4  ,this apse     
might have been called a frozen grove of
 skeleton trees1 a conservatory of dead 
specimens belonging to the palm family1 

calling up the memory of an impossible  
phoenix and unlikely palms2 but it also 
recalled by its half-moon shape and     
doubtful light1 the image of a ship's   
prow below water4 ,in fact it allowed to
 filter through its bars1 to its windows
 trellised with all black network1 the  
murmur1 suggested by the rolling of the 
carriages which shook the street1 of a  
river which sifted the golden light of  
day through the briny course of its     
waters4  ,on ,sundays1 at the time of   
,high ,mass1 the apse was empty4 ,the   
public filled the nave before the high  
altar1 or spread themselves somewhat    
further into a chapel dedicated to ,our 
,lady4 ,durtal was therefore almost     
alone1 and even the people who crossed  
his refuge were neither stupid nor      
hostile1 like the faithful in other     
churches4 ,in this district were        
beggars1 the very poor1 hucksters1      
,sisters of ,charity1 rag pickers1      
street arabs2 above all1 there were     
women in tatters walking on tiptoe1 who 

knelt without looking round1 poor       
creatures overwhelmed by the piteous    
splendour of the altars1 looking out of 
the corner of their eyes1 and bending   
low when the ,suisse passed them4       
,touched by the timidity of this silent 
misery1 ,durtal listened to the mass    
chanted by a scanty choir1 but one      
patiently taught4 ,the choir of ,st4    
,severin intoned the ,credo1 that marvel
 of plain chant1 better than it was done
 at ,st4 ,sulpice1 where1 however1 the  
offices were as a rule solemn and       
correct4 ,it bore it1 as it were1 to the
 top of the choir1 and let it spread    
with its great wings open and almost    
without motion1 above the prostrate     
flock1 when the verse ,et homo factus   
est took its slow and reverent flight in
 the low voice of the singer4 ,it was at
 once monumental and fluid1             
indestructible like the articles of the 
,creed itself1 inspired like the text1  
which the ,holy ,spirit dictated1 in    
their last meeting1 to the united       

apostles of ,christ4  ,at ,st4 ,severin 
a powerful voice declaimed a verse as a 
solo1 then all the children1 sustained  
by the rest of the singers1 delivered   
the others1 and the unchangeable truths 
declared themselves in their order1 more
 attentive1 more grave1 more            
accentuated1 even a little plaintive in 
the solo voice of a man1 more timid     
perhaps1 but also more familiar and more
 joyous1 in the dash1 however           
restrained1 of the boys4  ,at such a    
moment ,durtal was roused1 and exclaimed
 within himself3 ,it is impossible that 
the alluvial deposits of ,faith which   
have created this musical certainty are 
false4 ,the accent of these declarations
 is such as to be superhuman1 and far   
from profane music1 which has never     
attained to the solid grandeur of this  
naked chant4  ,the whole mass1 moreover1
 at ,st4 ,severin was perfect4 ,the     
,kyrie eleison1 solemn and sumptuous1   
the ,gloria in excelsis1 shared by the  
grand and the choir organs1 the one     

taking the solos1 the other guiding and 
sustaining the singers1 was full of     
exultant joy2 the ,sanctus1             
concentrated1 almost haggard1 resounded 
through the arches when the choir       
shouted the ,hosanna in excelsis1 and   
the ,agnus ,dei was sung low to a clear1
 suppliant melody1 so humble that it    
dared not become loud4  ,indeed1 except 
for a contraband ,o ,salutaris1         
introduced there as in other churches1  
,st4 ,severin maintained1 on ordinary   
,sundays1 the musical liturgy1 sang it  
almost reverentially with the fragile   
but well-toned voices of the boys1 the  
solidly built basses bringing vigorous  
sounds from the deep4  ,it was a joy to 
,durtal to linger in the delightful     
surroundings of the ,middle ,ages1 in   
that shadowy loneliness1 amid the chants
 which rose behind him1 without being   
annoyed by tricks of the mouths which he
 could not see4  ,he ended by being     
moved to the very marrow1 choked by     
nervous tears1 and all the bitterness of

 his life came up before him2 full of   
vague fears1 of confused prayers which  
stifled him1 and found no words1 he     
cursed the ignominy of his life and     
swore to master his carnal affections4  
,when the mass was over1 he wandered in 
the church itself1 and was delighted    
with the spring of the nave1 which four 
centuries built and sealed with their   
arms1 placing on it those strange       
impressions1 those wonderful seals which
 expand in relief under the reversed    
groining of the arches4 ,these centuries
 combined to bring to the feet of       
,christ the superhuman effort of their  
art1 and the gifts of each are still    
visible4 ,the thirteenth century shaped 
those low and stunted pillars1 whose    
capitals are crowned with water-lilies1 
water-parsley1 foliage with large       
leaves1 voluted with crochets and turned
 in the form of a crosier4 ,the         
fourteenth century raised the columns of
 the neighbouring bays on the sides of  
which prophets1 monks and saints uphold 

the spring of the arches4 ,the fifteenth
 and sixteenth created the apse1 the    
sanctuary1 some windows pierced above   
the choir1 and though they have been    
restored by incompetent builders1 they  
have still retained a barbaric grace1   
and a really touching simplicity4  ,they
 seem to have been designed by ancestors
 of the ,epinal foundries1 and stained  
by them with crude colours4 ,the donors 
and the saints who pass through these   
bright1 stone-framed pictures are all   
awkward and pensive1 dressed in robes of
 gamboge1 bottle-green1 prussian-blue1  
gooseberry-red1 pumpkin-purple and wine 
lees1 and these are made still deeper by
 contact with the flesh tints1 either   
omitted or destroyed1 which have at any 
rate remained uncoloured like a thin    
skin of glass4 ,in one of these windows 
,christ on ,his cross seems limpid1 all 
in light1 between blue splashes of sky1 
and the red and green patches1 formed by
 the wings of the two angels whose faces
 also seem cut in crystal and full of   

light4  ,these windows differ from those
 of other churches1 in that they absorb 
the rays of the sun1 without refracting 
them4 ,no doubt they have been          
deliberately divested of reflection that
 they may not by the insolent joyousness
 of stones on fire insult the melancholy
 sorrow of this church which rises in   
the squalid haunts of a quarter         
inhabited by beggars and thieves4  ,then
 these thoughts assailed ,durtal4 ,in   
,paris the modern churches are useless1 
they remain deaf to the prayers which   
break against the icy indifference of   
their walls4 ,no man recollects himself 
in those naves where souls have left    
nothing of themselves1 or where they    
have perhaps given themselves away1 have
 had to turn and fall back on           
themselves1 rebuffed by the insolence of
 a photographic glare1 darkened by the  
neglect of those altars at which no     
saint has ever said mass4 ,it seemed    
that ,god had always gone out1 and would
 only come home to keep ,his promise to 

appear at the moment of consecration1   
and that ,he would retire immediately   
afterwards1 despising these edifices    
which have not been built expressly for 
,him1 since by the baseness of their    
form they might be put to any profane   
use1 since above all they do not bring  
,him1 in default of sanctity1 the only  
gift which might please ,him1 the gift  
of art which ,he has lent to man1 and   
which allows ,him to see ,himself in the
 abridged restitution of ,his work1 and 
to rejoice in the development of that   
flower of which ,he has sowed the seed  
in souls which ,he has carefully chosen1
 in souls which are truly the elect1    
second only to those of ,his ,saints4   
,ah1 those charitable churches of the   
,middle ,ages1 those chapels damp and   
smoky1 full of ancient song1 of         
exquisite paintings1 of the odour of    
extinguished tapers1 of the perfume of  
burning incense6  ,in ,paris there      
remain now only a few specimens of this 
art of other years1 a few sanctuaries   

whose stones really exude the ,faith2   
among these ,st4 ,severin seemed to     
,durtal the most exquisite and the most 
certain4 ,he only felt at home there1 he
 believed that if he could ever pray in 
earnest he could do it in that church2  
and he said to himself that there lived 
the spirit of the fabric4 ,it is        
impossible but that the burning prayers1
 the hopeless sobs of the ,middle ,ages1
 have not for ever impregnated the      
pillars and stained the walls2 it is    
impossible but that the vine of sorrows 
whence of old the ,saints gathered warm 
clusters of tears1 has not preserved    
from those wonderful times emanations   
which sustain1 a breath which still     
awakes a shame for sin1 and the gift of 
tears4  ,as ,saint ,agnes remained      
immaculate in the brothels1 this church 
remained intact amid infamous           
surroundings1 when all near it in the   
streets from the ,chteau ,rouge to the  
,cremerie ,alexandre1 only two paces    
off1 the modern rabble of rascality     

combine their misdeeds1 mingling with   
prostitutes their brewage of crime1     
their adulterated absinthe and spirits4 
,in this especial territory of          
,satanism1 the church rises1 delicate   
and little1 closely enveloped in the    
rags of taverns and hovels1 and seen far
 off1 raises above the roofs its light  
spire1 like a netting needle1 its point 
below1 and lifting its eye into the     
light and air1 through which can be seen
 a minute bell surmounting a sort of    
anvil4 ,such it appears1 at least1 from 
the ,place ,saint ,andr des ,arts4      
,symbolically it might be called a      
piteous appeal1 always rejected by souls
 hardened and hammered by vice1 of that 
anvil which was only an optical         
illusion1 and that very real bell4      
,they say1 thought ,durtal1 they say    
that ignorant architects and unskilled  
archologists wish to free ,st4 ,severin 
from its rags1 and surround it with     
trees in an enclosed square4 ,but it has
 always lived in its network of black   

streets1 and is voluntarily humble1 in  
accordance with the miserable district  
it aids4 ,in the ,middle ,ages the      
church was a monument seen only within1 
and not one of those impetuous basilicas
 which are put up as a show in open     
spaces4  ,then it was an oratory for the
 poor1 a church on its knees1 and not   
standing2 it would1 therefore1 be the   
most absolute nonsense to free it from  
its surroundings1 to take it out of the 
day of an eternal twilight1 out of those
 hours of shadow which brighten the     
melancholy beauty of a servant in prayer
 behind the impious hedge of hovels4    
,ah1 were it possible to steep the      
church in the glowing atmosphere of     
,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 and join to
 its meagre psalmody the powerful choir 
of ,st4 ,sulpice1 that would be         
complete1 said ,durtal1 but alas1 here  
below1 nothing whole1 nothing perfect   
exists6  ,indeed from an artistic point 
of view1 it was the only church which   
satisfied him1 for ,notre ,dame de      

,paris was too grand1 and too much      
overrun by tourists2 there were few     
ceremonies there1 just the necessary    
amount of prayers were weighed out1 and 
the greater part of the chapels remained
 closed2 and lastly the voices of the   
choir boys always wanted mending2 they  
broke1 while the advanced age of the    
basses made them hoarse4 ,at ,st4       
,etienne du ,mont it was worse still2   
the shell of the church was charming1   
but the choir was an offshoot of the    
school of ,sanfourche1 you might think  
yourself in a kennel1 where a medley    
pack of sick beasts were growling2 as   
for the other sanctuaries on the right  
bank of the river1 they were worthless1 
plain chant was as far as possible      
suppressed1 and the poverty of the      
voices was everywhere ornamented with   
promiscuous tunes4  ,yet on the right   
bank were the more self-respecting      
churches1 for religious ,paris stops on 
that side of the ,seine1 and comes to an
 end as you pass the bridges4  ,in fact1

 to sum up all1 he might believe that   
,st4 ,severin by its scent1 and the     
delightful art of its old nave1 ,st4    
,sulpice by its ceremonies and its      
chanting1 had brought him back towards  
,christian art1 which in its turn had   
directed him to ,god4  ,then when once  
urged on this way1 he had pursued it1   
had left architecture and music1 to     
wander in the mystic territories of the 
other arts1 and his long visits to the  
,louvre1 his researches into the        
breviaries1 into the books of ,ruysbrck1
 ,angela da ,foligno1 ,saint ,teresa1   
,saint ,catherine of ,genoa1 ,saint     
,magdalen of ,pazzi1 had confirmed him  
in his belief4  ,but the upheaval of all
 his ideas which he had undergone was   
too recent for his soul at once to      
regain its equilibrium4 ,from time to   
time it seemed to wish to go back1 and  
he discussed with himself in order to   
set it at rest4 ,he spent himself in    
disputation1 came to doubt the reality  
of his conversion1 and said3 ,after all 

,i am united to the church only on the  
side of art4 ,i only go there to see or 
hear and not to pray2 ,i do not seek the
 ,lord1 but my own pleasure4 ,this is   
not business4 ,just as in a warm bath ,i
 do not feel the cold if ,i am          
motionless1 but if ,i move ,i freeze1 so
 in the church my impulses are upset    
when ,i move1 ,i am almost on fire in   
the nave1 less warm in the porch1 and ,i
 become perfectly icy outside4 ,these   
are literary postulates1 vibrations of  
the nerves1 skirmishes of thought1      
spiritual brawls1 whatever you please1  
except ,faith4  ,but what disquieted him
 still more than the need of helps to   
feeling1 was that his shameless senses  
rebelled at the contact of religious    
ideas4 ,he floated like wreckage between
 ,licentiousness and the ,church1 they  
each threw him back in turn1 obliging   
him as he approached one to return at   
once to that which he had left1 and he  
was inclined to ask if he were not a    
victim to some mystification of his     

lower instincts1 seeking to revive      
themselves1 without his consciousness1  
by the cordial of a false piety4  ,in   
fact he had often seen realized in      
himself that unclean miracle1 when he   
had left ,st4 ,severin1 almost in tears4
 ,insensibly1 without connection of     
ideas1 without any welding together of  
sensations1 without the explosion of a  
spark1 his senses took fire1 and he was 
powerless to let them burn themselves   
out1 to resist them4  ,he loathed       
himself afterwards1 and it was high     
time4 ,then came the reverse movement2  
he longed to run to some chapel1 there  
to wash and be clean1 and he was so     
disgusted with himself that now and then
 he went as far as the door and dared   
not enter4  ,at other times1 on the     
contrary1 he rebelled against himself1  
and cried in fury3 ,it is monstrous1 ,i 
have in fact spoiled for myself the only
 pleasure that remained to me--the      
flesh4 ,once ,i amused myself without   
blame1 now ,i pay for my poor debauches 

with torments4 ,i have added one more   
weariness to existence--would that ,i   
could undo it4  ,he lied to himself in  
vain1 trying to justify himself by      
suggesting doubts4  ,suppose all this   
were not true1 if there were nothing in 
it1 if ,i were deceiving myself1 what if
 the freethinkers were right8  ,but he  
was obliged to be sorry for himself1 for
 he felt distinctly to the bottom of his
 soul1 that he held unshaken the        
certitude of true ,faith4  ,these       
discussions are miserable1 and the      
excuses ,i make for my filthinesses are 
odious1 he said to himself1 and a flame 
of enthusiasm sprang up within him4     
,how doubt the truth of dogmas1 how deny
 the divine power of the ,church1 for   
she commands assent8  ,first she has her
 superhuman art and her mysticism1 then 
she is most wonderful in the persistent 
folly of conquered heresies4 ,all since 
the world began have had the flesh as   
their spring-board4 ,logically and      
humanly speaking they should have       

triumphed1 for they allowed man and     
woman to satisfy their passions1 saying 
to themselves there was no sin in these1
 even sanctifying them as the ,gnostics1
 rendering homage to ,god by the foulest
 uncleanness4  ,all have suffered       
shipwreck4 ,the ,church1 unbending in   
this matter1 has remained upright and   
entire4 ,she orders the body to be      
silent1 and the soul to suffer1 and     
contrary to all probability1 humanity   
listens to her1 and sweeps away like a  
dung-heap the seductive joys proposed to
 her4  ,again1 the vitality of the      
,church is decision1 which preserves her
 in spite of the unfathomable stupidity 
of her sons4 ,she has resisted the      
disquieting folly of the clergy1 and has
 not even been broken up by the         
awkwardness and lack of ability in her  
defenders1 a very strong point4  ,no1   
the more ,i think of her1 he cried1 the 
more ,i think her prodigious1 unique1   
the more ,i am convinced that she alone 
holds the truth1 that outside her are   

only weaknesses of mind1 impostures1    
scandals4 ,the ,church is the divine    
breeding ground1 the heavenly dispensary
 of souls2 she gives them suck1         
nourishes them1 and heals them2 she bids
 them understand1 when the hour of      
sorrow comes1 that true life begins1 not
 at birth1 but at death4 ,the ,church is
 indefectible1 before all things        
admirable1 she is great--  ,yes1 but    
then we must follow her directions and  
practise the sacraments she orders6     
,and ,durtal1 shaking his head1 gave    
himself no further answer4     ,,chapter
 ,,iii4   ,before his conversion he had 
said like all unbelievers3 ,if ,i       
believed that ,jesus ,christ is ,god1   
and that eternal life is not a decoy1 ,i
 would not hesitate to change all my    
habits1 to follow as far as possible the
 rules of religion1 and1 in any case1 to
 live chaste4 ,and he was surprised that
 people he knew1 who were in these      
conditions1 did not maintain an attitude
 higher than his own4 ,he who had so    

long indulgently forgiven himself became
 singularly intolerant1 so soon as he   
had to do with a ,catholic4  ,he now    
understood the injustice of his         
judgments1 and confessed that between   
faith and practice was a gulf difficult 
to overpass4  ,he did not like to       
discuss this question with himself1 but 
it returned and took possession of him  
all the same1 and he was obliged to     
admit the meanness of his arguments1 the
 despicable reasons for his resistance4 
,he was still honest enough to say3 ,i  
am no longer a child2 if ,i have ,faith1
 if ,i admit ,catholicism1 ,i cannot    
conceive it as lukewarm and unfixed1    
warmed up again and again in the        
saucepan of a false zeal4 ,i will have  
no compromise or truce1 no alternations 
of debauch and communions1 no stages of 
licentiousness and piety1 no1 all or    
nothing2 to change from top to bottom1  
or not change at all4  ,then he drew    
back in alarm1 endeavoured to escape the
 part he was about to take1 endeavoured 

to exculpate himself1 cavilling for     
hours1 invoking the most wretched       
motives for remaining as he was1 and not
 budging a jot4  ,what am ,i to do8 ,if 
,i do not obey orders1 which ,i feel    
with increasing force1 ,i am preparing  
for myself a life of uneasiness and     
remorse1 for ,i know well ,i ought not  
to remain for ever on the threshold1 but
 to penetrate into the sanctuary and    
stay there4 ,and if ,i make up my       
mind--no indeed--for then ,i must bind  
myself to a heap of observances1 bend to
 a series of rules1 assist at mass on   
,sunday1 abstain on ,friday1 live like a
 bigot1 and look like a fool4  ,and then
 to help his revolt1 he thought of the  
air1 the look of people who frequented  
the churches2 for two men who looked    
intelligent and clean1 how many were    
without doubt rascals and impostors6    
,almost all had a side-long look1 an    
oily voice1 downcast eyes1 immovable    
spectacles1 clothes like sacristans as  
if of black wood1 almost all told thin  

beads ostentatiously1 and with more     
strategy and more knavery than the      
wicked1 took toll from their neighbours 
on leaving ,god4  ,the devout women were
 still less reassuring1 they invaded the
 church1 walking about as if quite at   
home1 disturbing everybody1 upsetting   
chairs1 knocking against you without    
begging pardon2 then they knelt down    
with much ado1 in the attitude of       
contrite angels1 murmured interminable  
paternosters1 and left the church more  
arrogant and sour than before4  ,it is  
not encouraging to have to mix with this
 flock of pious geese1 he exclaimed4    
,but soon1 against his will1 he made    
answer to himself3 ,you have nothing to 
do with others1 were you more humble1   
these people would certainly seem less  
offensive2 at any rate they have the    
courage you lack1 they are not ashamed  
of their faith1 and are not afraid to   
kneel to ,god in public4  ,and ,durtal  
remained dumfounded1 for he had to admit
 that the riposte struck home4 ,it was  

clear his humility was at fault1 but    
what was worse1 he could not free       
himself from human respect4  ,he was    
afraid of being taken for a fool2 the   
prospect of being seen on his knees1 in 
church1 made his hair stand on end2 the 
idea1 that1 if he ever had to           
communicate1 he would have to rise and  
go to the altar in the sight of all1 was
 intolerable to him4  ,if that moment   
ever come it will be hard to bear1 said 
he2 and yet ,i am an idiot1 for what    
have ,i to do with the opinion of people
 ,i do not know8 but much as he might   
repeat that his alarms were absurd1 he  
could not get over them1 or free himself
 from the fear of ridicule4  ,after all1
 he said1 even if ,i decide to jump the 
ditch1 to confess and communicate1 that 
terrible question of the senses would   
always have to be resolved4 ,i must     
determine to fly the lusts of the flesh1
 and accept perpetual abstinence4 ,i    
could never attain to that4  ,without   
counting that in any case1 the time     

would be ill-chosen were ,i now to make 
such an effort1 for never have ,i been  
so tormented as since my conversion2    
,catholicism unfortunately excites      
unclean suggestions when ,i prowl about 
it1 without entering4  ,and to this     
exclamation another answered at once3   
,yes1 but you must enter4  ,he was      
irritated at this change of front       
without change of place1 and he tried to
 turn the conversation1 as though it had
 been held with another1 whose questions
 perplexed him2 but he came back to it  
all the same1 and1 in his annoyance1    
summoned all his reasoning powers to his
 aid4  ,come1 let us try to take stock  
at any rate6 ,it is plain that as ,i    
have drawn near the ,church1 my unclean 
desires have become more frequent and   
more persistent2 and yet another fact is
 certain that ,i have been so used up by
 twenty years of debauchery that ,i     
ought not to have any further carnal    
appetites4 ,in fact1 if ,i chose it1 ,i 
could perfectly well remain chaste2 but 

then ,i must bid my miserable brain be  
silent1 and ,i have no power to do so6  
,it is frightful all the same that ,i am
 more excited than in youth1 for now my 
desires go a-travelling1 and since they 
have not their ordinary shelter they go 
off in search of evil haunts4 ,how may  
this be explained8 ,it is a sort of     
dyspepsia of the soul1 which cannot     
digest ordinary meats1 and tries to feed
 on spiced dreams1 highly seasoned      
thoughts2 it is then want of appetite   
for wholesome meals which has begotten  
this greediness for strange dishes1 this
 trouble of the mind1 this wish to      
escape from myself1 and jump were it but
 for a moment over the permitted limits 
of the senses4  ,in that case           
,catholicism would play a part at once  
repellent and depressing4 ,it would     
stimulate these sick desires1 and weaken
 me at the same time1 would give me over
 to nervous emotions without strength to
 resist them4  ,wandering thus in       
self-examination1 he came to a dead     

stand where was no issue1 arriving at   
this conclusion3 ,i do not practise my  
religion1 because ,i yield to my baser  
instincts1 and ,i yield to these        
instincts because ,i do not practise my 
religion4  ,brought up thus by a dead   
wall1 he resisted1 asking if this last  
observation were indeed true2 for1 after
 all1 nothing proved that if he         
approached the ,sacraments he would not 
be attacked with even greater violence4 
,it was even probable he would be1 for  
the devil makes a dead set at pious     
people4  ,then he rebelled against the  
cowardice of these remarks1 and cried3  
,i lie1 for ,i know well1 that if ,i    
made the least sign of resistance1 ,i   
should be powerfully aided from on high4
  ,clever at self-torture1 he continued 
to harass his soul1 always on the same  
line4 ,suppose1 he said1 for the sake of
 argument1 that ,i have tamed my pride1 
and subdued my body1 suppose that at    
present there were nothing to do1 but to
 go forward1 ,i am still brought up1 for

 the final obstacle terrifies me4  ,up  
to now ,i have been able to walk alone1 
without earthly assistance1 without     
advice2 ,i have been converted without  
the help of anyone1 but now ,i cannot   
make a step without a guide1 ,i cannot  
approach the altar without the aid of an
 interpreter1 and the bulwark of a      
priest4  ,and once more1 he drew back1  
for in former times he had been intimate
 with a certain number of ecclesiastics1
 and had found them so mediocre1 so     
lukewarm1 above all so hostile to       
,mysticism1 that he was revolted at the 
very notion of laying before them the   
schedule of his requirements and his    
regrets4  ,they will not understand me1 
he thought2 they will answer that       
,mysticism was interesting in the       
,middle ,ages1 but has now become       
disused and is in any case quite out of 
touch with the modern spirit4 ,they will
 think me mad1 will assure me1 moreover1
 that ,god does not want so much1 will  
advise me with a smile1 not to make     

myself singular1 to do as others1 and to
 think like them4  ,i have indeed no    
intention of entering on the way of     
,mysticism1 but they may at least allow 
me to envy it and not inflict on me     
their middle-class ideal of a ,god4     
,for1 not to deceive oneself1           
,catholicism is not only that moderate  
religion that they offer us2 it is not  
composed only of petty cases and        
formulas2 it is not wholly confined to  
rigid observances1 and the toys of old  
maids1 to all that goody-goody business1
 which spreads itself abroad in the ,rue
 ,saint ,sulpice2 it is far more        
exalted1 far purer1 but then we must    
penetrate its burning zone1 and seek in 
,mysticism1 the art1 the essence1 and   
the very soul of the ,church4  ,using   
the powerful means at her disposal1 we  
then have to empty ourselves1 and strip 
the soul1 so that ,christ if ,he will   
may enter it2 we have to purify the     
house1 to cleanse it with the           
disinfectant of prayer and the sublimate

 of ,sacraments2 in a word1 to be ready 
when the ,guest shall come and bid us to
 empty ourselves wholly into ,him1 as   
,he will pour ,himself into us4  ,i know
 thoroughly well1 that this divine      
alchemy1 this transmutation of the human
 creature into ,god1 is generally       
impossible1 for the ,saviour1 as a rule1
 keeps ,his singular favours for ,his   
elect2 but after all1 every one1 however
 unworthy1 is presumably able to attain 
that majestic end1 since ,god only      
decides1 and not man1 whose humble      
acquiescence alone is requisite4  ,i see
 myself saying that to the priests6     
,they will tell me ,i have no business  
with mystical ideas1 and will give me in
 exchange the petty religion of rich    
women2 they will wish to mix themselves 
up with my life1 to inquire about the   
state of my soul1 to insinuate their own
 tastes2 they will try to convince me   
that art is dangerous1 will sermonize me
 with imbecile talk1 and pour over me   
their flowing bowls of pious veal broth4

  ,i know what ,i am2 at the end of a   
couple of interviews ,i shall rebel1 and
 become wicked4  ,durtal shook his head1
 remained in thought1 and began again1--
  ,yet one must be just2 perhaps the    
secular clergy are only the leavings1   
for the contemplative orders and the    
missionary army carry away every year   
the pick of the spiritual basket2 the   
mystics1 priests athirst for sorrows1   
drunk with sacrifice1 bury themselves in
 cloisters or exile themselves among    
savages whom they teach4 ,so when the   
cream is off1 the rest of the clergy are
 plainly but skim milk1 the scourings of
 the seminaries4  ,yes1 but after all1  
he continued1 the question is not       
whether they are intelligent or narrow1 
it is not my business to take the priest
 to pieces to discover under the        
consecrated rind the nothingness of the 
man2 not my business to abuse his       
inadequacy since it is thoroughly suited
 to the understanding of the crowd4     
,would it not be1 after all1 more       

courageous and more humble to kneel     
before a being of whose brains you know 
the weakness8  ,and then 444 then 444 ,i
 am not reduced to that1 for indeed ,i  
know one in ,paris1 a true mystic4      
,suppose ,i go and see him6  ,and he    
thought of a certain ,abb ,gvresin1 with
 whom he had formerly some acquaintance2
 he had often met him at a bookseller's 
in the ,rue ,servandoni1 old ,tocane1   
who had rare books on liturgy and the   
lives of the saints4  ,learning that    
,durtal was looking for works on        
,blessed ,lidwine1 the priest was at    
once interested in him1 and on leaving  
the shop they had a long conversation4  
,the abb was very old and walked with   
difficulty1 therefore he willingly took 
,durtal's arm1 who saw him home4  ,the  
life of that victim of the sins of her  
time is a magnificent subject1 he said2 
you remember it1 do you not8 and as they
 walked he sketched its lines1 broadly4 
,lidwine was born towards the end of the
 fourteenth century1 at ,schiedam1 in   

,holland4 ,her beauty was extraordinary1
 but she lost it through illness at the 
age of fifteen4 ,she recovered1 but     
while skating one day with her          
companions on the frozen canals1 she    
fell and broke a rib4 ,from the time of 
that accident to her death she was      
bed-ridden4 ,she was afflicted with most
 frightful ailments1 her wounds         
festered1 and worms bred in her         
putrefying flesh4 ,erysipelas1 that     
terrible malady of the ,middle ,ages1   
consumed her4 ,her right arm was eaten  
away1 a single muscle held it to the    
body1 her brow was cleft in two1 one of 
her eyes became blind1 and the other so 
weak that it could not bear the light4  
,while she was in this condition1 the   
plague ravaged ,holland1 and decimated  
the town in which she lived2 she was the
 first attacked4 ,two boils formed1 one 
under her arm1 the other above the      
heart4 ',two boils1 it is well1' she    
said to the ,lord1 'but three would be  
better in honour of the ,holy ,trinity1'

 and immediately a third pustule broke  
out on her face4  ,for thirty-five years
 she lived in a cellar1 taking no solid 
food1 praying and weeping1 so chilly in 
winter1 that each morning her tears     
formed two frozen streams down her      
cheeks4  ,she thought herself still too 
fortunate1 and entreated the ,lord not  
to spare her1 and obtained from ,him the
 grace that by her sufferings she might 
expiate the sins of others4 ,christ     
heard her prayers1 visited her with ,his
 angels1 communicated her with ,his own 
hand1 gave her the delight of heavenly  
ecstasies1 and caused her festering     
wounds to exhale delicious perfumes4    
,at the moment of her death ,he stood by
 her1 and restored her poor body to its 
former soundness4 ,her beauty1 so long  
vanished1 shone out again1 the town was 
moved1 the sick came in crowds1 and all 
who drew near were healed4  ,she is the 
true patroness of the sick1 concluded   
the abb1 and1 after a silence1 he       
added1--  ,from the point of view of the

 higher mysticism1 ,lidwine is          
wonderful1 for in her we can verify that
 plan of substitution which was1 and is1
 the glorious reason for the existence  
of convents4  ,and as1 without          
answering1 ,durtal questioned him with a
 look1 he went on1--  ,you are aware1   
sir1 that in all ages1 nuns have offered
 themselves to heaven as expiatory      
victims4 ,the lives of saints1 both men 
and women1 who desired these sacrifices 
abound1 of those who atoned for the sins
 of others by sufferings eagerly        
demanded and patiently borne4 ,but there
 is a task still more arduous and more  
painful than was desired by these       
admirable souls4 ,it is not now that of 
purging the faults of others1 but of    
preventing them1 hindering their        
commission1 by taking the place of those
 who are too weak to bear the shock4    
,read ,saint ,teresa on this subject2   
you will see that she gained permission 
to take on herself1 and without         
flinching1 the temptations of a priest  

who could not endure them4 ,this        
substitution of a strong soul freeing   
one who is not strong from perils and   
fears is one of the great rules of      
mysticism4  ,sometimes this exchange is 
purely spiritual1 sometimes on the      
contrary it has to do only with the ills
 of the body4 ,saint ,teresa was the    
surrogate of souls in torment1 ,sister  
,catherine ,emmerich took the place of  
the sick1 relieved1 at least1 those who 
were most suffering2 thus1 for instance1
 she was able to undergo the agony of a 
woman suffering from consumption and    
dropsy1 in order to permit her to       
prepare for death in peace4  ,well1     
,lidwine took on herself all bodily     
ills1 she lusted for physical suffering1
 and was greedy for wounds2 she was1 as 
it were1 the reaper of punishments1 and 
she was also the piteous vessel in which
 everyone discharged the overflowings of
 his malady4 ,if you would speak of her 
in other fashion than the poor          
hagiographies of our day1 study first   

that law of substitution1 that miracle  
of perfect charity1 that superhuman     
triumph of ,mysticism2 that will be the 
stem of your book1 and naturally1       
without effort1 all ,lidwine's acts     
graft themselves on it4  ,but1 asked    
,durtal1 does this law still take       
effect8  ,yes3 ,i know convents which   
apply it4 ,moreover1 ,orders like the   
,carmelites and the ,poor ,clares       
willingly accept the transfer to them of
 temptations we suffer2 then these      
convents take on their backs1 so to     
speak1 the diabolical expiations of     
those insolvent souls whose debts they  
pay to the full4  ,all the same1 said   
,durtal1 shaking his head1 if you       
consent to take on yourself the assaults
 intended for your neighbour1 you must  
make pretty sure not to sink4  ,the nuns
 chosen by our ,lord1 replied the abb1  
as victims of expiation1 as whole       
burnt-offerings1 are in fact few1 and   
they are generally1 especially in this  
age1 obliged to unite and coalesce in   

order to bear without failing the weight
 of misdeeds which try them1 for in     
order that a soul may bear alone the    
assaults of ,satan1 which are often     
terrible1 it must be indeed assisted by 
the angels and elect of ,god4 ,and after
 a silence the old priest added1--  ,i  
believe ,i may speak with some          
experience in these matters1 for ,i am  
one of the directors of those nuns who  
make reparation in their convents4  ,and
 yet1 cried ,durtal1 the world asks what
 is the good of the contemplative       
,orders4  ,they are the lightning       
conductors of society1 said the abb1    
with great energy4 ,they draw on        
themselves the demoniacal fluid1 they   
absorb temptations to vice1 preserve by 
their prayers those who live1 like      
ourselves1 in sin2 they appease1 in     
fact1 the wrath of the ,most ,high that 
,he may not place the earth under an    
interdict4 ,ah6 while the sisters who   
devote themselves to nursing the sick   
and infirm are indeed admirable1 their  

task is easy in comparison with that    
undertaken by the cloistered ,orders1   
the ,orders where penance never ceases1 
and the very nights spent in bed are    
broken by sobs4  ,this priest is far    
more interesting than his brethren1 said
 ,durtal to himself as they parted2 and1
 as the abb invited his visits1 he had  
often called on him4  ,he had always    
been cordially welcomed4 ,on several    
occasions he had warily sounded the old 
man on several questions4 ,he had       
answered evasively in regard to other   
priests4 ,but he did not seem to think  
much of them1 if ,durtal might judge by 
what he said one day in regard to       
,lidwine1 that magnet of sorrows4       
,notice1 he said1 that a weak and honest
 soul has every advantage in choosing a 
confessor1 not from the clergy who have 
lost the sense of ,mysticism1 but from  
the monks4 ,they alone know the effects 
of the law of substitution1 and if they 
see that in spite of their efforts the  
penitent succumbs1 they end by freeing  

him by taking his trials on themselves1 
or by sending them off to some convent  
in the country where resolute people can
 use them4  ,another time the question  
of nationalities was discussed in a     
newspaper which ,durtal showed him4 ,the
 abb shrugged his shoulders1 putting    
aside the patriotic twaddle4 ,for me1 he
 said calmly1 for me my country is that 
where ,i can best pray4  ,durtal could  
not make out what this priest was4 ,he  
understood from the bookseller1 that the
 ,abb ,gvresin on account of his great  
age and infirmity was incapacitated for 
the regular duties of the priesthood4 ,i
 know that1 when he can1 he still says  
his mass each morning in a convent2 ,i  
believe also he receives a few of his   
brethren for confession in his own      
house2 and ,tocane added with disdain1  
,he has barely enough to live on1 and   
they do not look on him with favour at  
the archbishop's because of his mystical
 notions4  ,there ended all he knew     
about him4 ,he is evidently a very good 

priest1 repeated ,durtal2 his           
physiognomy declares it1 and his mouth  
and eyes contradict each other2 his eyes
 certainly declare his entire goodness1 
his lips1 somewhat thick1 purple and    
always moist1 have on them an           
affectionate but somewhat sad smile1 and
 to this his blue eyes give the         
lie--blue1 childlike eyes which laugh   
out astonished under white eyebrows in a
 rather red face1 touched on the cheeks 
like a ripe apricot1 with little points 
of blood4  ,in any case1 said ,durtal1  
waking from his meditations1 ,i am very 
wrong not to continue the relations into
 which ,i have entered with him4  ,yes1 
but then nothing is so difficult as to  
become really intimate with a priest2   
first by the very education he receives 
at the seminary the ecclesiastic thinks 
himself obliged to disperse his         
affections and not concentrate himself  
on particular friendships2 then1 like a 
doctor1 he is a man harassed with       
business1 who is never to be found4 ,you

 can catch them now and then between two
 confessions or two sick calls4 ,nor    
even then are you quite certain that the
 eager welcome of the priest rings true1
 for he is just the same to all who come
 to him1 and indeed1 since ,i do not    
call on the ,abb ,gvresin for his help  
or advice1 ,i am afraid of being in his 
way1 and of taking up his time1 hence ,i
 am acting with discretion in not going 
to see him4  ,yet ,i am sorry2 suppose  
,i write1 or go to him one morning1 but 
what have ,i to say to him8 ,i ought to 
know what ,i want before ,i allow myself
 to trouble him4 ,if ,i go only to      
complain1 he will answer ,i am wrong not
 to be a communicant1 and ,i have       
nothing to answer4 ,no3 the better plan 
is to meet him as by chance1 on the     
quays1 where no doubt he sometimes looks
 over the book-stalls1 or at ,tocane's1 
for then ,i can talk to him more        
intimately1 at least less officially1   
about my vacillations and regrets4  ,so 
,durtal searched the quays1 and never   

once met the abb4 ,he went to the       
bookseller's1 and pretended to look over
 his stock1 but as soon as he pronounced
 the name ,gvresin1 ,tocane exclaimed1  
,i have heard nothing of him1 he has not
 been here for the last two months4  ,i 
will not turn back1 but just disturb him
 in his own house1 said ,durtal1 but he 
will wonder why ,i came back after so   
long an absence4 ,besides the           
awkwardness ,i feel in calling on people
 whom ,i have neglected1 ,i am also     
troubled by thinking the abb may suspect
 some interested object in my visit4    
,that is not convenient2 if ,i had but a
 good pretext2 there is certainly that  
life of ,lidwine which interests him1 ,i
 might consult him on various points4   
,yes1 but which8 ,i have not concerned  
myself with that saint for a long time1 
and must read over again the meagre old 
books on her biography4 ,after all1 it  
will be simpler and better to be frank1 
and say1 ',this is why ,i have come2 ,i 
want to ask advice1 which ,i have not   

determined to follow1 but ,i have so    
much need of speaking1 of giving the    
reins to my soul1 that ,i beg you to be 
so kind as to lose an hour for my sake4'
  ,he will do it certainly and          
willingly4  ,then that is agreed on2    
suppose ,i go to-morrow8 ,but he checked
 himself at once4 ,there was nothing    
pressing2 there was plenty of time2     
better take time and think2 ah1 yes1    
here is ,christmas close upon us1 ,i    
cannot decently trouble a priest who has
 his penitents to confess1 for there are
 many communicants on that day4 ,let him
 get his hard work over1 and then we    
will see4  ,he was at first pleased at  
having invented that excuse1 then he had
 to admit in his heart that1 after all1 
there was not much in it1 for there was 
nothing to show that this priest1 who   
was not attached to a parish1 was busy  
in hearing confessions4  ,it was hardly 
probable1 but he tried to convince      
himself that it might be so after all1  
and his hesitation began again4 ,angry  

at last with the discussion1 he adopted 
a middle course4 ,for greater certainty1
 he would not call on the abb till after
 ,christmas1 but he would not be later  
than a given time2 he took an almanack1 
and swore to keep his promise--three    
days after that feast4     ,,chapter    
,,iv4   ,oh6 that midnight mass6 ,he had
 had the unfortunate idea of going to it
 at ,christmas4 ,he went to ,st4        
,severin1 and found a young ladies' day 
school installed there1 instead of the  
choir1 who1 with sharp voices like      
needles1 knitted the worn-out skeins of 
the canticles4 ,he had fled to ,st4     
,sulpice1 and plunged into a crowd which
 walked and talked as if in the open    
air2 had heard there choral-society     
marches1 tea-garden waltzes1 firework   
tunes1 and had come away in a rage4  ,it
 had seemed to him superfluous to try   
,st4 ,germain-des-,prs1 for he held that
 church in horror4 ,besides the         
weariness inspired by its heavy1        
ill-restored shell1 and the miserable   

paintings with which ,flandrin loaded   
it1 the clergy there were specially1    
almost alarmingly1 ugly1 and the choir  
was truly infamous4 ,they were like a   
set of bad cooks1 boys who spat vinegar1
 and elderly choir-men1 who cooked in   
the furnace of their throats a sort of  
vocal broth1 a thin gruel of sound4     
,nor did he think of taking refuge in   
,st4 ,thomas ,aquinas1 where he dreaded 
the barking and the choruses2 there was 
indeed ,st4 ,clotilde1 where the        
psalmody1 at least1 is upright1 and has 
not1 like that of ,st4 ,thomas1 lost all
 shame4 ,he went there1 but again       
encountered dance music and profane     
tunes1 a worldly orgie4  ,at last he    
went to bed in a rage1 saying to        
himself1 ,in ,paris1 at any rate1 a     
singular baptism of music is reserved   
for the ,new-,born4  ,next day1 when he 
woke1 he felt he had no courage to face 
the churches2 the sacrileges of last    
night would1 he thought1 continue2 and  
as the weather was almost fine1 he went 

out1 wandered in the ,luxembourg1 gained
 the square of the ,observatoire1 and   
the ,boulevard de ,port ,royal1 and     
mechanically made his way along the     
interminable ,rue de la ,sant4  ,he knew
 that street of old1 and had taken      
melancholy walks in it1 attracted by its
 poor houses1 like those of a provincial
 town2 then it was fit for a dreamer1   
for it was bounded on the right by the  
,prison de la ,sant and ,sainte ,anne's 
madhouse1 and on the left by convents4  
,light and air circulated in the street1
 but1 behind it1 all was black2 it was a
 kind of prison corridor1 with cells on 
either side1 where some were condemned  
to temporary sentences1 and others1 of  
their own free will1 suffered lasting   
sorrows4  ,i can imagine1 thought       
,durtal1 how it would have been painted 
by an ,early ,flemish master2 the long  
street paved by patient pencils1 the    
stories open from top to bottom1 and the
 cupboards the same2 and on one side    
massive cells with iron bedsteads1 a    

stoneware jug2 little peepholes in the  
doors secured by strong bolts1 inside1  
scoundrels and thieves1 gnashing their  
teeth1 turning round and round1 their   
hair on end1 howling like caged animals2
 on the other side little rooms1        
furnished with a pallet-bed1 a stoneware
 jug1 a crucifix1 these also closed by  
doors iron-banded1 and within nuns or   
monks1 kneeling on the flags1 their     
faces clean cut against the light of a  
halo1 their eyes lifted to heaven1 their
 hands joined1 raised from the ground in
 ecstasy1 a pot of lilies at their side4
  ,then at the back of the canvas1      
between these two rows of houses1 rises 
a great avenue1 at the end of which in a
 dappled sky sits ,god the ,father with 
,christ on ,his right1 choirs of        
,seraphim playing on guitar and viol2   
,god the ,father immovable under his    
lofty tiara1 ,his breast covered by ,his
 long beard1 holds scales which balance 
exactly1 the holy captives expiating    
precisely by their penances and prayers 

the blasphemies of the rascals and the  
insane4  ,it must be admitted1 thought  
,durtal1 that this street is very       
peculiar1 that there is probably none   
like it in ,paris1 for it unites in its 
course virtues and vices1 which in other
 quarters1 in spite of the efforts of   
the ,church1 trend apart as far as      
possible from each other4  ,thus        
thinking he had come as far as ,st4     
,anne's1 where the street grows lighter 
and the houses are lower1 with only one 
or two stories1 then1 gradually1 there  
is greater space between them1 and they 
are only joined to each other by blank  
ends of walls4  ,at any rate1 thought   
,durtal1 if this street has no          
distinction1 it is very private2 here at
 least one need not admire the          
impertinent decoration of those modern  
shops which expose in their windows as  
precious commodities1 chosen piles of   
firewood1 and in glass sweetmeat jars1  
coal drops and coke lollipops4  ,and    
here is an odd lane1 and he looked at an

 alley which led down a sharp decline   
into a main street1 where was to be seen
 the tricolor flag in zinc on a         
washhouse2 he read the name3 ,rue de    
l',ebre4  ,he entered it1 it was but a  
few yards long2 the whole of one side   
was occupied by a wall1 behind which    
were half seen some stunted buildings1  
surmounted by a bell4 ,an entrance-gate 
with a square wicket was placed in the  
wall1 which was raised higher as it     
sloped downwards1 and at the end was    
pierced by round windows1 and rose into 
a little building1 surmounted by a      
clock-tower so low that its point did   
not even reach the height of the        
two-storied house opposite4  ,on the    
other side three hovels sloped down1    
closely packed together2 zinc pipes ran 
everywhere1 growing like vines1         
ramifying like the stalks of a hollow   
vine along the walls1 windows gaped on  
rusty leaden hinges4 ,dim courts of     
wretched hovels could be seen2 in one   
was a shed where some cows were         

reposing2 in two others were            
coach-houses for wheel-chairs1 and a    
rack behind the bars of which appeared  
the capsuled necks of bottles4  ,but    
this must be a church1 thought ,durtal1 
looking at the little clock tower1 and  
the three or four round bays1 which     
seemed cut out in emery paper to look   
like the black rough mortar of the wall2
 where is the entrance8  ,he found it on
 turning out of the alley into the ,rue 
de la ,glacire4 ,a tiny porch gave      
access to the building4  ,he opened the 
door1 and entered a large room1 a sort  
of closed shed1 painted yellow1 with a  
flat ceiling1 with small iron beams     
coloured grey1 picked out with blue1 and
 ornamented with gas-jets like a wine   
shop4 ,at the end was a marble altar1   
six lighted tapers1 and gilt ornaments1 
candelabra full of tapers1 and under the
 tabernacle1 a very small monstrance1   
which sparkled in the light of the      
tapers4  ,it was almost dark1 the panes 
of the windows having been crudely      

daubed with bands of indigo and         
yellowish green2 it was freezing1 the   
stove was not alight1 and the church1   
paved like a kitchen floor1 had no      
matting or carpet4  ,durtal wrapped     
himself up as best he could and sat     
down4 ,his eyes gradually grew          
accustomed to the obscurity of the room1
 and what he saw was strange2 in front  
of the choir on rows of chairs were     
seated human forms1 drowned in floods of
 white muslin4 ,no one stirred4         
,suddenly there entered by a side door a
 nun equally wrapped from head to foot  
in a large veil4 ,she passed along the  
altar1 stopped in the middle1 threw     
herself on the ground1 kissed the floor1
 and by a sudden effort1 without helping
 herself by her arms1 stood upright1    
advanced silently into the church1 and  
brushed by ,durtal1 who saw under the   
muslin a magnificent robe of creamy     
white1 an ivory cross at her neck1 at   
her girdle a white cord and beads4  ,she
 went to the entrance-door1 and there   

ascended a little staircase into a      
gallery which commanded the church4  ,he
 asked himself what could be this ,order
 so sumptuously arrayed1 in this        
miserable chapel1 in such a district8   
,little by little the room filled1      
choir-boys in red with capes trimmed    
with rabbit's skin lighted the          
candelabra1 went out1 and ushered in a  
priest1 vested in a grand cope1 with    
large flowers1 a priest tall and young1 
who sat down1 and in a sonorous tone    
chanted the first antiphon of vespers4  
,suddenly ,durtal turned round4 ,in the 
gallery an harmonium accompanied the    
responses of voices never to be         
forgotten4 ,it was not a woman's voice1 
but one having in it something of a     
child's voice1 sweetened1 purified1     
sharpened1 and something of a man's1 but
 less harsh1 finer and more sustained1  
an unsexed voice1 filtered through      
litanies1 bolted by prayers1 passed     
through the sieves of adoration and     
tears4  ,the priest1 still sitting1     

chanted the first verse of the          
unchanging psalm1 ,dixit ,dominus       
,domino meo4  ,and ,durtal saw in the   
air1 in the gallery1 tall white statues1
 holding black books in their hands1    
chanting slowly with eyes raised to     
heaven4 ,a lamp cast its light on one of
 these figures1 which for a second leant
 forward a little1 and he saw under the 
lifted veil a face attentive and        
sorrowful1 and very pale4  ,the verses  
of the vesper psalms were now sung      
alternately1 by the nuns above and by   
the congregation below4 ,the chapel was 
almost full2 a school of girls in white 
veils filled one side2 little girls of  
the middle-class1 poorly dressed brats  
who played with their dolls occupied the
 other4 ,there were a few poor women in 
sabots1 and no men4  ,the atmosphere    
became extraordinary4 ,the warmth of the
 souls thawed the ice of the room2 here 
were not the vespers of the rich1 such  
as were celebrated on ,sundays at ,st4  
,sulpice1 but the vespers of the poor1  

domestic vespers1 in the plain chant of 
the country side1 followed by the       
faithful with mighty fervour in silent  
and singular devotion4  ,durtal could   
fancy himself transported beyond the    
city1 to the depths of some village     
cloister2 he felt himself softened1 his 
soul rocked by the monotonous amplitude 
of these chants1 only recognizing the   
end of the psalms by the return of the  
doxology1 the ,gloria ,patri et ,filio1 
which separated them from each other4   
,he had a real impulse1 a dim need of   
praying to the ,unknowable1 penetrated  
to the very marrow by this environment  
of aspiration1 it seemed to him that he 
thawed a little1 and took a far-off part
 in the united tenderness of these      
bright spirits4 ,he sought for a prayer1
 and recalled what ,st4 ,paphnutius     
taught ,thais1 when he cried1 ,thou art 
not worthy to name the name of ,god1    
thou wilt pray only thus3 ',qui         
plasmasti me miserere mei2' ,thou who   
hast formed me have mercy on me4 ,he    

stammered out the humble phrase1 prayed 
not out of love or of contrition1 but   
out of disgust with himself1 unable to  
let himself go1 regretting that he could
 not love4 ,then he thought of saying   
the ,lord's ,prayer1 but stopped at the 
notion that this is the hardest of all  
prayers to pronounce1 when the phrases  
are weighed in the balance4 ,for in it  
we declare to ,god that we forgive our  
neighbours' trespasses4 ,now how many   
who use these words forgive others8 ,how
 many ,catholics do not lie when they   
tell the ,all-knowing that they hate no 
one8  ,he was roused from these         
reflections by sudden silence2 vespers  
were over4 ,then the organ played again1
 and all the voices of the nuns joined1 
those in the choir below and in the     
gallery above1 singing the old carol    
,unto us a child is born4  ,he listened1
 moved by the simplicity of the strain1 
and suddenly1 in a minute1 brutally1    
without understanding why1 infamous     
thoughts filled his mind4  ,he resisted 

in disgust1 wished to repulse the       
assault of these shameful feelings1 and 
they were persistent4 ,he seemed to see 
before him a woman whose perverse ways  
had long maddened him4  ,all at once    
this hallucination ceased2 his eye was  
mechanically attracted towards the      
priest1 who was looking at him1 while   
speaking in a low voice to a beadle4    
,he lost his head1 imagining that the   
priest guessed his thoughts and was     
turning him out1 but this notion was so 
foolish1 that he shrugged his shoulders1
 and more sensibly thought that men were
 not admitted to this convent of women1 
and that the abb who had seen him was   
sending the beadle to beg him to leave4 
,the beadle came straight to him2       
,durtal was ready to take his hat1 when 
in persuasive and gentle tones that     
functionary said that the procession was
 about to begin1 that it was the custom 
for the gentlemen to follow the ,blessed
 ,sacrament1 and that although he was   
the only man there1 the abb thought he  

would not refuse to follow the          
procession about to start4  ,overwhelmed
 by this request1 ,durtal made a vague  
gesture1 in which the beadle seemed to  
see assent4  ,no1 he thought as soon as 
he was left alone2 ,i will not meddle   
with the ceremony2 first ,i know nothing
 about it1 and ,i should spoil it all1  
and again ,i will not make a fool of    
myself4 ,he prepared to slip away       
quietly1 but he had no time to carry out
 his intention2 the usher brought him a 
lighted candle and asked him to         
accompany him4 ,he put the best face he 
could on the matter1 and while thinking 
that he was blushing all over1 he       
followed the beadle to the altar4       
,there the beadle stopped him and bid   
him not to move4 ,the whole congregation
 was now standing1 the girls' school    
divided into two files1 preceded by a   
woman carrying a banner4 ,durtal came in
 front of the first rank of nuns4       
,their veils lowered before the profane1
 even in church1 were raised before the 

,blessed ,sacrament1 before ,god4       
,durtal was able to look at these       
sisters for a moment2 at first his      
disillusion was complete4 ,he had       
supposed them pale and grave like the   
nun he had seen in the gallery1 and     
almost all of them were red1 freckled1  
crossing their poor hands swelled and   
wounded by chilblains4 ,their faces were
 puffy and all seemed at the beginning  
or end of a cold2 they were evidently   
country girls1 and the novices1 known by
 their grey robes under the white veil1 
were still more common looking2 they had
 certainly been accustomed to farm      
labour1 and yet on seeing them all      
turned to the altar1 the poverty of     
their faces1 the ugliness of their hands
 blue with cold1 their broken nails1    
injured in the wash1 disappeared2 their 
eyes1 modest and humble under their long
 lashes1 changed their coarse features  
into pious simplicity4 ,lost in prayer1 
they did not even see his curious looks1
 and did not even suspect a man was     

there examining them4  ,durtal envied   
the admirable wisdom of these poor girls
 who alone understood it was mad to wish
 to live4 ,he thought3 ,ignorance leads 
to the same result as knowledge4 ,among 
the ,carmelites are rich and pretty     
women who have lived in the world and   
left it1 wholly convinced of the        
vainness of its joys2 and these nuns1   
who evidently know nothing1 have had an 
intuition of that vacuity which it has  
needed years of experience for the      
others to gain4 ,by different ways they 
have arrived at the same meeting-place4 
,then what clearness of thought is      
revealed by their entrance into an      
,order6 for if indeed they had not been 
gathered by ,christ1 what would have    
become of these unhappy girls8 ,married 
to drunkards and hammered by beatings2  
or perhaps maids in taverns1 ill-treated
 by their masters1 brutalized by the    
other servants1 destined to the scorn of
 the streets and the dangers of         
ill-usage4 ,and without knowing anything

 they have avoided it all1 have remained
 innocent1 far from these perils1 and   
far from this defilement1 under an      
obedience which is not ignoble1 disposed
 by their very way of life to           
experience1 should they be worthy1 the  
most powerful joys which the soul of a  
human creature can feel4 ,they remain1  
perhaps1 beasts of burthen1 but at any  
rate ,god's beasts of burthen4  ,he had 
got so far in his reflections when the  
beadle beckoned to him4 ,the priest1 who
 had descended from the altar1 held the 
little monstrance2 the girls' procession
 was moving before him4 ,durtal passed  
in front of the line of nuns who did not
 take part in the ceremony1 and torch in
 hand he followed the beadle1 who       
carried behind the priest an open white 
silk parasol4  ,then the harmonium in   
the gallery filled the church with its  
drawling tones1 like an enlarged        
accordion1 and the nuns standing beside 
it intoned the old chant1 rhythmical as 
a march1 the ,adeste ,fideles1 while    

below the novices and the faithful      
repeated after each stanza the sweet    
chorus of invitation1 ,venite adoremus4 
,the procession went several times round
 the chapel1 above the heads bowed in   
the smoke from the censers1 which the   
choir boys swung1 turning at each pause 
to face the priest4  ,well1 after all1  
,i have not come so badly out of it1    
said ,durtal to himself1 when they had  
returned to the altar4 ,he thought his  
part was finished1 but1 this time       
without asking his permission1 the      
beadle asked him to kneel at the        
communion rail in front of the altar4   
,he was ill at ease and annoyed1 at     
knowing that the whole school and the   
whole convent was behind him1 nor was he
 accustomed to kneel2 it seemed as if   
wedges were thrust into his limbs1 as if
 he were subjected to the tortures of   
the ,middle ,ages4 ,embarrassed by his  
taper1 which was guttering1 and         
threatened to cover him with spots1 he  
shifted his position quietly1 trying to 

make himself more comfortable by        
slipping the skirts of his great coat   
between his knees and the steps2 but in 
moving he only increased the evil1 his  
flesh was folded back between the bones1
 and his skin was chafed and burning4   
,he sweated at last with the pain1 and  
feared to distract the fervour of the   
community by falling2 while the ceremony
 went on for ever1 the nuns sang in the 
gallery1 but he listened no more and    
deplored the length of the service4  ,at
 last the moment of ,benediction        
approached4  ,then in spite of himself1 
seeing himself there1 so near to ,god1  
,durtal forgot his sufferings1 and bowed
 his head1 ashamed to be so placed1 like
 a captain at the head of his company1  
in the first rank of this maiden troop2 
and when in a great silence1 the bell   
tinkled1 and the priest turning1 lightly
 cut the air in the form of a cross1    
and1 with the ,blessed ,sacrament1      
blessed the congregation kneeling at his
 feet1 ,durtal remained1 his body bent1 

his eyes closed1 seeking to hide        
himself1 to make himself small1 and not 
be seen there in front amid that pious  
crowd4  ,the psalm ,laudate ,dominum1   
omnes gentes1 rang out when the beadle  
came to take his taper4 ,durtal could   
hardly resist a cry1 when he had to     
stand up2 his benumbed knees cracked1   
and their joints would hardly work4     
,yet he regained his place somehow2 let 
the crowd pass1 and approaching the     
beadle1 asked him the name of the       
convent1 and the order to which the nuns
 belonged4  ,they are the ,franciscan   
missionaries of ,mary1 answered the man1
 but the chapel is not theirs as you    
seem to think2 it is a chapel of ease   
for the parish of ,st4 ,marcel de la    
,maison ,blanche3 it is only joined by a
 corridor to the house those sisters    
occupy behind us there in the ,rue de   
l',ebre4 ,they join in the offices1 in  
fact1 just as you and ,i may do1 and    
they keep a school for the children of  
the district4  ,it is a touching little 

chapel1 thought ,durtal1 when he was    
alone4 ,it is well matched with the     
neighbourhood it shelters1 with the     
gloomy brook of the tanners1 which runs 
through the yards below the ,rue de la  
,glacire4 ,it gives me the effect of    
being to ,notre ,dame de ,paris what its
 neighbour the ,bivre is to the ,seine4 
,it is the streamlet of the church1 the 
pious pavement1 the miserable suburb of 
worship4  ,how poor and yet how         
exquisite are those nuns' voices1 which 
seem non-sexual and mellow6 ,god knows  
how ,i hate the voice of a woman in the 
holy place1 for it still remains        
unclean4 ,i think woman always brings   
with her the lasting miasma of her      
indispositions and she turns the psalms 
sour4 ,then1 all the same1 vanity and   
concupiscence rise from the worldly     
voice1 and its cries of adoration       
accompanied by the organ are only cries 
of carnal desire1 its very pleadings in 
the most sombre liturgical hymns are    
only addressed to ,god from the lips    

outward1 for at bottom a woman only     
mourns the mediocre ideal of earthly    
pleasure to which she cannot attain4    
,thus ,i thoroughly understand that the 
,church has rejected woman from her     
offices1 and that the musical robe of   
her sequences may not be contaminated   
she employs the voices of the boy and   
the man4  ,yet in convents of women1    
that is changed2 it is certain that     
prayer1 communion1 abstinence and vows  
purify the body and the soul1 as well as
 the vocal odour which proceeds from    
them4 ,the emanations from them give to 
the voices of the nuns1 however crude1  
however ill-trained they may be1 their  
chaste inflexions1 their simple caresses
 of pure love1 they recall to it the    
ingenuous sounds of childhood4  ,in     
certain orders1 they seem even to prune 
it of the greater part of its branches1 
and concentrate the threads of sap which
 remain in a few twigs2 and he thought  
of a ,carmelite convent to which he had 
gone from time to time1 remembered their

 failing1 almost expiring voices1 where 
the little health that remained to them 
was concentrated in three notes1 voices 
which had lost the musical colours of   
life1 the tints of open air1 keeping    
only in the cloister those of the       
costumes they seemed to reflect1 white  
and brown1 chaste and sombre tones4     
,ah6 those ,carmelites1 he thought of   
them now1 as he descended the ,rue de la
 ,glacire1 and he called up the memory  
of a profession1 the thought of which   
took entire possession of him every time
 he meditated on convents4 ,he saw again
 in memory a morning in the little      
chapel in the ,avenue de ,saxe1 a       
chapel1 ,spanish ,gothic in style1 with 
narrow windows glazed with panes so dark
 that the light which remained in their 
colours did not pass through them4  ,at 
the end rose the high altar in shade1   
raised on six steps2 on the left a large
 iron grating in an arch was covered    
with a black curtain1 and on the same   
side1 but almost at the base of the     

altar1 a little arch traced on the plain
 wall1 like a lancet window1 with an    
aperture in the middle1 a sort of       
square1 a frame1 without a panel1 empty4
  ,that morning the chapel1 cold and    
dark1 sparkled1 lighted by groves of    
candles2 and the odour of incense1 not  
adulterated as in other churches by     
spices and gums1 filled it with a dull  
smoke2 it was crammed with people4      
,crouched in a corner1 ,durtal had      
turned round1 and like his neighbours   
looked at the backs of the thurifers and
 priests1 who were going towards the    
entrance4 ,the door opened suddenly1 and
 he saw1 in a burst of daylight1 a red  
vision of the ,cardinal ,archbishop of  
,paris1 passing up the nave1 turning    
from side to side a horse-like head1 in 
front of it a big spectacled nose1      
bending his tall form all on one side1  
blessing the congregation with a long   
twisted hand1 like a crab's claw4  ,he  
and his suite ascended the altar steps1 
and knelt at a prie-,dieu1 then they    

took off his tippet1 and vested him in a
 silk chasuble with a white cross       
embroidered in silver1 and the mass     
began4 ,shortly before the communion1   
the black veil was gently withdrawn2    
behind the high grating1 and in a       
blueish light like that of the moon1    
,durtal faintly saw white phantoms      
gliding and stars twinking in the air1  
and close to the grating a woman's form1
 kneeling motionless on the ground1 she 
too holding a star at the end of a      
taper4 ,the woman did not move but the  
star shook2 then when the moment of     
communion was at hand1 the woman rose1  
then disappeared1 and her head1 as if   
decapitated1 filled the square of the   
wicket opened in the arch4  ,then as he 
leant forward he saw1 for a second1 a   
dead face1 with closed lids1 white1     
eyeless1 like ancient marble statues4   
,and all passed away1 as the ,cardinal  
bent above the grating1 with the        
ciborium in his hand4  ,all was so rapid
 that he asked himself if he were not   

dreaming2 the mass was over4 ,behind the
 iron grating resounded mournful psalms1
 slow chants drawn out1 weeping1 always 
on the same notes1 wandering lights and 
white forms passed in the azure fluid of
 the incense4 ,monseigneur ,richard was 
sitting1 mitre on head1 interrogating   
the postulant who had returned to her   
place1 and was kneeling before him      
behind the grating4  ,he spoke in a low 
voice1 and could not be heard4 ,the     
whole congregation bent to listen to the
 novice as she pronounced her vows1 but 
only a long murmur was heard4 ,durtal   
remembered that he had elbowed his way1 
and got near the choir1 where1 through  
the crossed bars of the grating1 he saw 
the woman clad in white1 prostrate on   
her face1 in a square of flowers1 while 
the whole convent filed past1 bending   
over her1 intoning the psalms for the   
dead1 and sprinkling her with holy      
water1 like a corpse4  ,it is admirable1
 he cried1 moved in the street by the   
memory of the scene1 and he thought of  

what a life was that of these women6 ,to
 lie on an hair mattress without pillow 
or sheets1 to fast seven months out of  
the twelve1 except on ,sundays and      
feasts2 always to eat1 standing1        
vegetables and abstinence fare2 to have 
no fire in winter1 to chant for hours on
 ice-cold tiles1 to scourge the body1 to
 become so humble as1 however tenderly  
nurtured1 to wash up dishes with joy1   
and attend to the meanest tasks1 to pray
 from morning to midnight even to       
fainting1 to pray there till death4     
,they must indeed pity us1 and set      
themselves to expiate the imbecility of 
a world which treats them as hysterical 
fools1 for it cannot even understand the
 joy in suffering of souls like these4  
,we cannot be proud of ourselves1 in    
thinking of the ,carmelites1 or even of 
those humble ,franciscan ,tertiaries1   
who are after all more vulgar4 ,it is   
true they do not belong to a            
contemplative order1 but all the same   
their rules are very strict1 their      

existence is so hard that they too can  
atone by their prayers and good works   
for the crimes of the city they protect4
  ,he grew enthusiastic in thinking of  
the convents4 ,ah6 to be earthed up     
among them1 sheltered from the herd1 not
 to know what books appear1 what        
newspapers are printed1 never to know   
what goes on outside one's cell1 among  
men--to complete the beneficent silence 
of this cloistered life1 nourishing     
ourselves with good actions1 refreshing 
ourselves with plain song1 saturating   
ourselves with the inexhaustible joys of
 the liturgies4  ,then1 who knows8 ,by  
force of good will1 and by ardent       
prayer1 to succeed in coming to ,him1 in
 entertaining ,him1 feeling ,him near   
us1 perhaps almost satisfied with ,his  
creature4 ,and he called up before him  
the joys of those abbeys in which ,jesus
 abode4 ,he remembered that astonishing 
convent of ,unterlinden1 near ,colmar1  
where in the thirteenth century not only
 one or two nuns1 but the whole convent1

 rose distractedly before ,christ with  
cries of joy1 nuns were lifted above the
 ground1 others heard the songs of      
seraphim1 and their emaciated bodies    
secreted balm2 others became transparent
 or were crowned with stars2 all these  
phenomena of the contemplative life were
 visible in that cloister1 a high school
 of ,mysticism4  ,thus wrapped in       
thought1 he found himself at his own    
door1 without remembering the road he   
had taken1 and as soon as he was in his 
room1 his whole soul dilated and burst  
forth4 ,he desired to thank1 to call for
 mercy1 to appeal to someone1 he knew   
not whom1 to complain of he knew not    
what4 ,all at once the need of pouring  
himself forth1 of going out of himself1 
took shape1 and he fell on his knees    
saying to ,our ,lady1  ,have pity on me1
 and hear me2 ,i would rather anything  
than continue this shaken existence1    
these idle stages without an aim4       
,pardon me1 ,holy ,virgin1 unclean as ,i
 am1 for ,i have no courage for the     

battle4 ,ah1 wouldest thou grant my     
prayer6 ,i know well that ,i am over    
bold in daring to ask1 since ,i am not  
even resolved to turn out my soul1 to   
empty it like a bucket of filth1 to     
strike it on the bottom1 that the lees  
may trickle out and the scales fall off1
 but 444 but 444 thou knowest ,i am so  
weak1 so little sure of myself1 that in 
truth ,i shrink4  ,oh1 all the same ,i  
would desire to flee away1 a thousand   
miles from ,paris1 ,i know not where1   
into a cloister4 ,my ,god6 yet this is  
very madness that ,i speak1 for ,i could
 not stay two days in a convent2 nor    
indeed would they take me in4  ,then he 
thought1--  ,though this once ,i am less
 dry1 less unclean than is my wont1 ,i  
can find nothing to say to ,our ,lady   
but insanities and follies1 when it     
would be so simple to ask her pardon1 to
 beg her to have pity on my desolate    
life1 to aid me to resist the demands of
 my vices1 not to pay as ,i do the      
royalties on my nerves1 the tax on my   

senses4  ,all the same1 he said1 rising1
 enough of this1 ,i will at least do    
what little ,i can2 without more delay  
,i will go to the abb to-morrow4 ,i will
 explain the struggle of my soul1 and we
 will see what happens afterwards4      
,,chapter ,v4   ,he was really comforted
 when the servant said that ,monsieur   
l',abb was at home4 ,he entered a little
 drawing-room1 and waited till the      
priest1 whom he heard speaking to       
someone in the next chamber1 was alone4 
,he looked at the little room1 and      
marked that nothing was changed since   
his last visit4 ,it was still furnished 
with a velvet sofa1 of which the red1   
once crimson1 had become the faded rose 
colour of raspberry jam on bread4 ,there
 were also two tall arm-chairs on either
 side of the chimney1 which was         
ornamented by an ,empire clock1 and some
 china vases filled with sand1 in which 
were stuck some dry stalks of reed4 ,in 
a corner against the wall1 under an old 
wooden crucifix1 was a prie-dieu1 marked

 by the knees1 an oval table in the     
centre1 some sacred engravings on the   
walls2 and that was all4  ,it is like an
 hotel1 or an old maid's lodging1       
thought ,durtal4 ,the commonness of the 
furniture1 the curtains in faded damask1
 the panels hung with a paper covered   
with bouquets of poppies and            
field-flowers in false colours1 were    
like lodgings by the month1 but certain 
details1 above all the scrupulous       
cleanliness of the room1 the worked     
cushions on the sofa1 the grass mats    
under the chairs1 an hortensia like a   
painted cauliflower placed in a         
flower-pot covered with lace1 looked on 
the other hand like the futile and icy  
room of a devout woman4  ,nothing was   
wanting but a cage of canaries1         
photographs in plush frames1 shell-work 
and crochet mats4  ,durtal had got so   
far in his reflections when the abb came
 in with extended hand1 gently finding  
fault with his long absence4  ,durtal   
made what excuses he could1 unusual     

occupations1 long weariness4  ,and our  
,blessed ,lidwine1 how do you get on    
with her8  ,ah1 ,i have not even begun  
her life2 ,i am not in a state of mind  
which allows me to engage in it4        
,durtal's accent of discouragement      
surprised the priest4  ,come1 what is   
the matter8 ,can ,i be of any use to    
you8  ,i do not know1 ,monsieur l',abb4 
,i am almost ashamed to talk to you     
about such troubles1 and suddenly he    
burst out1 telling his sorrows in any   
chance words1 declaring the unreality of
 his conversion1 his struggles with the 
flesh1 his human respect1 his neglect of
 religious practices1 his aversion from 
the rites demanded of him1 in fact from 
all yokes4  ,the abb listened without   
moving1 his chin on his hand4  ,you are 
more than forty1 he said1 when ,durtal  
was silent2 you have passed the age when
 without any impulse from thought1 the  
awakening of the flesh excites          
temptations1 you are now in that period 
when indecent thoughts first present    

themselves to the imagination1 before   
the senses are agitated4 ,we have then  
to fight less against your sleeping body
 than your mind1 which stimulates and   
vexes it4 ,on the other hand1 you have  
arrears and prizes of affection to put  
out1 you have no wife or children to    
receive them1 so that your affections   
being driven back by celibacy1 you will 
end by taking them there where at first 
they should have been placed2 you try to
 appease your soul's hunger in chapels1 
and as you hesitate1 as you have not the
 courage to come to a decision1 to break
 once for all with your vices1 you have 
arrived at this strange compromise2 to  
reserve your tender feeling for the     
church and the manifestations of that   
feeling for women4 ,that1 if ,i do not  
mistake1 is your correct balance-sheet4 
,but1 good heavens1 you have not too    
much to complain of1 for do you not see 
that the important thing is to care for 
woman only with your bodily senses8     
,when ,heaven has given you grace to be 

no longer taken captive by thought1 all 
may be arranged with a little effort of 
will4  ,this is an indulgent priest1    
thought ,durtal4  ,but1 continued the   
abb1 you cannot always sit between two  
stools1 the moment will come when you   
must stick to the one1 and push the     
other away4  ,and looking at ,durtal1   
who looked down without answering1--    
,do you pray8 ,i do not ask if you say  
your morning prayers1 for not all those1
 who end by entering on the divine way1 
after wandering for years where chance  
might take them1 call on the ,lord so   
soon as they awake4 ,at break of day the
 soul thinks itself well1 thinks itself 
firmer1 and at once takes occasion of   
this fleeting energy to forget ,god4 ,it
 is with the soul as with the body when 
it is sick4 ,when night comes our       
sensations are stronger1 pain which was 
quieted awakes1 the fever which slept   
blazes up again1 filth revives and      
wounds bleed anew1 and then it thinks of
 the divine ,miracle-worker1 it thinks  

of ,christ4 ,do you pray in the evening8
  ,sometimes--and yet it is very        
difficult2 the afternoon is tolerable1  
but you say truly when the daylight     
goes1 evils spring up4 ,a whole         
cavalcade of obscene ideas then pass    
through my brain2 how can any one be    
recollected at such moments8  ,if you do
 not feel able to resist in the street  
or at home1 why do you not take refuge  
in the churches8  ,but they are closed  
when one has most need of them2 the     
clergy put ,jesus to bed at nightfall4  
,i know it1 but if most churches are    
closed1 there are a few which remain    
partly open very late4 ,ah1 ,st4        
,sulpice is among the number1 and there 
is one which remains open every evening1
 and where those who visit it are always
 sure of prayers and ,benediction3      
,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 ,i think   
you know it4  ,yes1 ,monsieur l',abb4   
,it is ugly enough to cause tears1 it is
 pretentious1 it is in bad taste1 and   
the singers churn up a margarine of     

rancid tones4 ,i do not go there then as
 ,i go to ,st4 ,severin and ,st4        
,sulpice1 to admire there the art of the
 old ',praisers of ,god1' to listen1    
even if they are incorrectly given1 to  
the broad1 familiar melodies of plain   
chant4 ,notre ,dame des ,victoires is   
worthless from the sthetic point of     
view1 and yet ,i go there from time to  
time1 because alone in ,paris it has the
 irresistible attraction of true piety1 
it alone preserves intact the lost soul 
of the ,time4 ,at whatever hour one goes
 there people are praying there1        
prostrate in absolute silence2 it is    
full as soon as it is open1 and full at 
its closing1 there is a constant coming 
and going of pilgrims from all parts of 
,paris1 arriving from the depths of the 
provinces1 and it seems that each one1  
by the prayers that he brings1 adds fuel
 to the immense brazier of ,faith whose 
flames break out again under the smoky  
arches like the thousands of tapers     
which constantly burn1 and are renewed  

from morning till evening1 before ,our  
,lady4  ,well1 ,i who seek the most     
deserted corners and the darkest places 
in the chapels1 ,i who hate mobs1 mix   
almost willingly with those ,i find     
there2 because there everyone is        
isolated1 no one is concerned with his  
neighbour1 you do not see the human     
bodies which throng you1 but you feel   
the breath of souls around4 ,however    
refractory1 however damp you may be1 you
 end by taking fire at this contact1 and
 are astonished to find yourself all at 
once less vile2 it seems to me that the 
prayers which elsewhere when they leave 
my lips fall back to the ground         
exhausted and chilled1 spring upwards in
 that place1 are borne on by others1    
grow warm and soar and live4  ,at ,st4  
,severin ,i have indeed experienced the 
sensation of a help spreading from the  
pillars and running through the arches1 
but1 as ,i think1 the aid is less       
strong4 ,perhaps since the ,middle ,ages
 that church makes use of1 but cannot   

renew the celestial effluvia with which 
it is charged2 while at ,notre ,dame the
 help which springs up from the very    
pavement is for ever vivified by the    
uninterrupted presence of an ardent     
crowd4 ,in the one it is the impregnate 
stone1 the church itself which brings   
consolation1 in the other it is above   
all things the fervour of the crowds    
which fill it4  ,and then ,i have the   
strange impression that the ,virgin1    
attracted and retained by so great      
faith1 only spends a little while in    
other churches1 goes there as a visitor1
 but has made her home1 and really      
resides in ,notre ,dame4  ,the abb      
smiled4  ,come1 ,i see that you know and
 love it2 and yet the church is not on  
our left bank1 beyond which1 you said to
 me one day1 there is no sanctuary worth
 having4  ,yes1 and ,i am surprised at  
it1 especially as it is placed in a     
thoroughly commercial quarter1 two paces
 from the ,exchange1 whose ignoble      
shouts can be heard in it4  ,it was     

itself an ,exchange1 said the abb4  ,in 
what way8  ,after having been baptized  
by the monks1 and having served as a    
chapel for the discalced ,augustinians1 
it was horribly desecrated in the       
,revolution1 and the ,exchange was set  
up within its walls4  ,i was not aware  
of that detail1 said ,durtal4  ,but1    
continued the abb1 it was with it1 as   
with those holy women1 who1 if we       
believe their biographers1 recovered by 
a life of prayer the virginity they had 
formerly lost4 ,our ,lady washed it from
 its violation1 and though it is        
comparatively modern1 it is at the      
present day saturated with emanations1  
infused by effluences of angels1        
penetrated with divine drugs1 it is for 
sick souls what certain thermal springs 
are for the body4 ,people keep their    
season there1 make their novenas1 and   
obtain their cure4  ,now to come back to
 our point2 ,i tell you you will do     
wisely1 if on your bad evenings you will
 attend ,benediction in that church4 ,i 

shall be surprised if you do not come   
out cleansed and at peace4  ,if he have 
only that to offer me1 it is little     
enough1 thought ,durtal4 ,and after a   
disappointed silence he rejoined1  ,but1
 ,monsieur l',abb1 even were ,i to visit
 that sanctuary1 and follow the offices 
in other churches1 when temptations     
assail me1 even were ,i to confess and  
draw near the ,sacraments1 how would    
that advantage me8 ,i should meet as ,i 
came out the woman whose very sight     
inflames my senses1 and it would be with
 me as after my leaving ,st4 ,severin   
all unnerved2 the very feeling of       
tenderness which ,i had in the chapel   
would destroy me1 and ,i should fall    
back into sin4  ,what do you know about 
it8 and the priest suddenly rose1 and   
took long strides through the room4     
,you have no right to speak thus1 for   
the virtue of the ,sacrament is formal1 
the man who has communicated is no      
longer alone4 ,he is armed against      
others and defended against himself1 and

 crossing his arms before ,durtal he    
exclaimed1--  ,to lose one's soul for   
the pleasure of momentary gratification6
 what madness4 ,and since the time of   
your conversion1 does not that disgust  
you8  ,yes1 ,i am disgusted with myself1
 but only after my swinish desires are  
satisfied4 ,if only ,i could gain true  
repentance4  ,rest assured1 said the    
abb1 who sat down again1 you will find  
it4  ,and1 seeing that ,durtal shook his
 head1  ,remember what ,saint ,teresa   
said3 ',one trouble of those who are    
beginning is1 that they cannot recognize
 whether they have true repentance for  
their faults2 but they have it1 and the 
proof is their sincere resolution to    
serve ,god4' ,think of that sentence1   
for it applies to you2 that repugnance  
to your sins which wearies you is       
witness to your regret1 and you have a  
desire to serve the ,lord1 since you are
 in fact struggling to go to ,him4      
,there was a moment of silence4  ,well1 
then1 ,monsieur l',abb1 what is your    

advice8  ,i advise you to pray in your  
own house1 in church1 everywhere1 as    
much as you can4 ,i do not prescribe any
 religious remedy1 ,i simply invite you 
to profit by some precepts of pious     
hygiene1 afterwards we will see4        
,durtal remained undecided1             
discontented1 like those sick persons   
who find fault with doctors1 who1 to    
satisfy them1 prescribe only colourless 
drugs4  ,the priest laughed4  ,confess1 
he said1 looking him in the face1       
confess that you are saying to yourself1
 ',it was not worth while to put myself 
out1 for ,i am no further advanced1 this
 good fellow1 the priest1 practises     
expectant medicine2 instead of cutting  
short my crises with energetic remedies1
 he palters1 advises me to go to bed    
early1 not to catch cold--'  ,oh1       
,monsieur l',abb1 protested ,durtal4    
,yet ,i do not wish to treat you like a 
child1 or talk to you like a woman2 now 
attend to me6  ,the way in which your   
conversion has worked leaves me in no   

doubt whatever4 ,there has been what    
,mysticism calls the divine touch1      
only--note this--,god has dispensed with
 human intervention1 even with the      
interference of a priest1 to bring you  
back into the road you have left for    
more than twenty years4  ,now we cannot 
reasonably suppose that the ,lord has   
acted lightly1 and that ,he will now    
leave ,his work unaccomplished4 ,he will
 carry it through if you put no obstacle
 in ,his way4  ,in fact you are at this 
moment like a block in ,his hands2 what 
will ,he do with it8 ,i do not know1 but
 since ,he has kept to ,himself the     
conduct of your soul1 let ,him act2 be  
patient1 ,he will explain ,his action2  
trust in ,him1 ,he will help you2 be    
content to protest with the ,psalmist3  
',doce me facere voluntatem tuam1 quia  
,deus meus es tu4'  ,i tell you again ,i
 believe in the preventive virtue1 the  
formal power of the ,sacraments4 ,i     
quite understand the system of ,pre     
,milleriot1 who obliged those persons to

 communicate whom he thought would      
afterwards fall again into sin4 ,for    
their only penance he obliged them to   
communicate again and again1 and he     
ended by purifying them with the ,sacred
 ,species1 taken in large doses4 ,it is 
a doctrine at once realistic and        
exalted4  ,but reassure yourself1       
continued the abb1 looking at ,durtal1  
who seemed wearied1 ,i do not intend to 
experiment on you in this way2 on the   
contrary1 my advice is that in the state
 of ignorance in which we are of ,god's 
will1 you abstain from the ,sacraments4 
,for you should desire them1 and it     
should come from you rather than from   
,him2 be sure that sooner or later you  
will thirst for ,penance1 hunger for the
 ,eucharist4 ,well1 when unable to      
restrain yourself longer1 you ask for   
pardon and entreat to be allowed to     
approach the ,holy ,table1 we shall see1
 we will ask ,him what way ,he will     
choose to take1 in order to save you4   
,but there are not1 ,i presume1 several 

ways of confessing and communicating8   
,certainly not1 that is just what ,i    
meant to say 444 but 444  ,and the      
priest hesitated1 at a loss for words4  
,it is quite certain1 he began again1   
that art has been the principal means   
which the ,saviour has used to make you 
absorb the ,faith4 ,he has taken you on 
your weak side--or strong side1 if you  
like that better4 ,he has infused into  
your nature the chief mystical works2 he
 has persuaded and converted you1 less  
by the way of reason than the way of the
 senses2 and indeed those are the       
special conditions you have to take into
 account4  ,on the other hand your soul 
is not humble and simple1 you are a sort
 of 'sensitive1' whom the least         
imprudence1 the least stupidity of a    
confessor would at once repel4          
,therefore that you may not be at the   
mercy of a troublesome impression1      
certain precautions must be taken4 ,in  
the state of weakness and feebleness in 
which you are1 a disagreeable face1 an  

unlucky word1 antipathetic surroundings1
 a mere nothing would be enough to rout 
you--is it not so8  ,alas6 sighed       
,durtal1 ,i am obliged to answer that   
you are right2 but1 ,monsieur l',abb1 ,i
 do not think ,i shall have to fear such
 disillusions if when the moment you    
predict has come you will allow me to   
make my confession to you4  ,the priest 
was silent for a while2 then said1  ,no 
doubt1 since ,i have met you1 ,i may    
probably be useful to you1 but ,i have  
an idea that my part will be confined to
 pointing out the road to you2 ,i shall 
be a connecting link1 and nothing more1 
you will end as you have begun1 without 
help1 alone4 ,the abb remained in       
thought1 then shook his head1 and went  
on3 ,let us leave the subject1 however1 
for we cannot anticipate the designs of 
,god2 to sum up1 try to stifle in prayer
 your attacks of the flesh1 it is a less
 matter not to be overcome at the       
moment1 than to direct all your efforts 
not to be so4  ,then the priest added   

gently to rouse the spirits of ,durtal1 
whom he saw to be depressed1  ,if you   
fall do not despair1 and throw the      
handle after the hatchet4 ,say to       
yourself1 that1 after all ,lust is not  
the most unpardonable of faults1 that it
 is one of two sins for which the human 
being pays cash1 and which are          
consequently expiated in part at least  
before death4 ,say to yourself that     
wantonness and avarice refuse all credit
 and will not wait2 and in fact1 whoever
 unlawfully commits a fleshly act is    
almost always punished in his lifetime4 
,for some there are bastards to provide 
for1 sickly wives1 low connections1     
broken careers1 abominable deceptions on
 the part of those they have loved4 ,on 
whichever side we turn when women are   
concerned we have to suffer1 for she is 
the most powerful instrument of sorrow  
which ,god has given to man4  ,it is the
 same with the passion for gain4 ,every 
being who allows himself to be overcome 
by that hateful sin1 pays for it as a   

rule before his death4 ,look at the     
,panama business4 ,cooks1 housekeepers1 
small proprietors who till then had     
lived in peace1 seeking no inordinate   
gains1 no illicit profit1 threw         
themselves like madmen into that        
business4 ,they had one only thought1 to
 gain money2 the chastisement of their  
cupidity was1 as you know1 sudden4      
,yes1 said ,durtal1 laughing1 the de    
,lesseps were the agents of providence1 
when they stole the savings of fools1   
who had moreover got them probably by   
thieving4  ,in a word1 said the abb1 ,i 
repeat my last advice3 do not be at all 
discouraged if you sink4 ,do not despise
 yourself too much2 have the courage to 
enter a church afterwards2 for the devil
 catches you by cowardice1 the false    
shame1 the false humility he suggests1  
nourish1 maintain1 solidify your        
wantonness in some measure4  ,well6 no  
good-bye2 come and see me soon again4   
,durtal found himself in the street a   
little confused4 ,it is evident1 he     

murmured1 as he stalked along1 that the 
,abb ,gvresin is a clever spiritual     
watchmaker4 ,he has dexterously taken to
 pieces the movement of my passions1 and
 made the hours of idleness and         
weariness strike1 but1 after all1 his   
advice comes only to this3 stew in your 
own juice and wait4  ,indeed he is      
right2 if ,i had come to the point ,i   
should not have gone to him to chatter1 
but really to confess4 ,what is strange 
is that he does not at all seem to think
 he will have to put me through the     
wash-tub2 and to whom does he mean me to
 go--to the first comer who will wind   
about me his spool of commonplaces1 and 
stroke me with his big hands without    
seeing clearly8  ,well1 well 444 what is
 the time8 ,he looked at his watch4 ,six
 o'clock1 and ,i do not care to go home4
 ,what shall ,i do till dinner8  ,he was
 near ,st4 ,sulpice4 ,he went in and sat
 down1 to clear his thoughts a little1  
taking a place in the ,chapel of ,our   
,lady1 which at that hour was almost    

empty4  ,he felt no wish to pray1 and   
rested there1 looking at the great arch 
of marble and gold1 like a scene in a   
theatre1 where the ,virgin1 the only    
figure in the light1 advances towards   
the faithful1 as from a decorated       
grotto1 on plaster clouds4  ,meanwhile  
two ,little ,sisters of the ,poor came  
and knelt not far from him1 and         
meditated1 their heads between their    
hands4  ,he thought as he looked at     
them1--  ,those souls are to be envied  
who can thus be abstracted in prayer4   
,how do they manage it8 ,for1 in fact1  
it is not easy1 if one thinks of the    
sorrows of the world1 to praise the     
vaunted mercy of ,god4 ,it is all very  
fine to believe that ,he exists1 to be  
certain that ,he is good2 in fact1 we do
 not know ,him--we are ignorant of ,him4
 ,he is1 and1 in fact1 ,he can only be1 
immanent1 permanent1 and inaccessible4  
,he is we know not what1 and at most we 
know what ,he is not4 ,try to imagine   
,him1 and the senses fail1 for ,he is   

above1 about1 and in each one of us4 ,he
 is three and ,he is one2 ,he is each   
and ,he is all2 ,he is without          
beginning1 and ,he will be without end2 
,he is above all and for ever           
incomprehensible4 ,if we try to picture 
,him to ourselves and give ,him a human 
wrappage1 we come back to the simple    
conception of the early times1 we       
represent ,him under the features of an 
ancestor4 ,some old ,italian model1 some
 old ,father ,tourgneff1 with a long    
beard1 and we cannot but smile1 so      
childish is the likeness of ,god the    
,father4  ,he is1 in fact1 so absolutely
 above the imagination and the senses1  
that ,he comes only nominally into      
prayer1 and the impulses of humanity    
ascend especially to the ,son1 ,who only
 can be addressed1 because ,he became   
man1 and is to us somewhat of an elder  
brother1 because1 having wept in human  
form1 we think ,he will hear us more    
readily1 and be more compassionate to   
our sorrows4  ,as to the third ,person1 

,he is even more disconcerting than the 
first4 ,he is especially the unknowable4
 ,how can we imagine this ,god formless 
and bodiless1 this ,substance equal to  
the two others1 who1 as it were1 breathe
 ,him forth8 ,we think of ,him as a     
brightness1 a fluid1 a breath2 we cannot
 even lend to ,him as to the ,father the
 face of a man1 since on the two        
occasions that ,he took to ,himself a   
body1 ,he showed ,himself under the     
likenesses of a dove and of tongues of  
fire1 and these two different aspects do
 not help to a suggestion of the new    
appearance ,he might assume4  ,certainly
 the ,trinity is terrible1 and makes the
 brain reel4 ,ruysbrck has moreover said
 admirably1 ',let those who would know  
and study what ,god is1 know that it is 
forbidden2 they will go mad4'  ,so1 he  
continued1 looking at the two ,little   
,sisters1 who were now telling their    
beads1 these good women are right not to
 try to understand1 and to confine      
themselves to praying with all their    

heart to the ,mother and the ,son4      
,moreover1 in all the lives of the      
saints which they have read1 they have  
made certain that ,jesus and ,mary      
always appeared to the elect to console 
and strengthen them4  ,in fact1 how     
stupid ,i am4 ,to pray to the ,son is to
 pray to the two others1 for in praying 
to one among them ,i pray at the same   
time to the three1 since the three make 
but one4 ,and the ,substances are1      
however1 special1 because if the divine 
,essence is one and simple1 it is so in 
the threefold distinction of the        
,persons2 but1 again1 what is the use of
 fathoming the ,impenetrable8  ,yet1 he 
continued1 remembering the interview he 
had just had with the priest1 how will  
all this end8 ,if the abb be right1 ,i  
no longer belong to myself2 ,i am about 
to enter the unknown1 which frightens   
me4 ,if only the sound of my vices      
consents to be silent1 but ,i feel that 
they rise furiously within me4 ,ah1 that
 ,florence--and he thought of a woman to

 whose vagaries he was                  
riveted--continues to walk about in my  
brain4 ,i see her behind the lowered    
curtain of my eyes1 and when ,i think of
 her ,i am a terrible coward4  ,he      
endeavoured once more to put her away1  
but his will was overcome at the sight  
of her4  ,he hated1 despised1 and even  
cursed her1 but the madness of his      
illusions excited him2 he left her      
disgusted with her and with himself2 he 
swore he would never see her again1 but 
did not keep his resolve4  ,he saw her  
now in vision extend her hand to him4   
,he recoiled1 struggling to free        
himself2 but his dream continued        
mingling her with the form of one of the
 sisters whose gentle profile he saw4   
,suddenly he started1 returned to the   
real world1 and saw that he was at ,st4 
,sulpice1 in the chapel4 ,it is         
disgusting that ,i should come here to  
soil the church with my horrible dreams2
 ,i had better go4  ,he went out in     
confusion1 thinking1 ,perhaps if ,i     

visit ,florence once again1 ,i may      
perhaps put an end to this haunting     
sense of her presence1 seeing and       
knowing the reality4  ,and he was       
obliged to answer himself that he was   
becoming idiotic1 for he knew by        
experience that past desire grows in    
proportion as it is nourished4 ,no1 the 
abb was right2 ,i have to become and to 
remain penitent4 ,but how8 ,pray8 ,how  
can ,i pray1 when evil imaginations     
pursue me even in church8 ,evil dreams  
followed me to ,la ,glacire2 here they  
appear again1 and smite me to the       
ground4 ,how can ,i defend myself8 for  
indeed it is frightful to be thus alone1
 to know nothing and have no proof1 to  
feel the prayers which one tears out of 
oneself fall into the silence and the   
void without a gesture to answer1       
without a word of encouragement1 without
 a sign4 ,i do not even know if ,he be  
there1 and if ,he listens4 ,the abb     
tells me to wait an indication1 an order
 from on high2 but1 alas6 they come to  

me from below4     ,,chapter ,,vi4      
,many months passed4 ,durtal continued  
his alternation of wanton and pious     
ideas4 ,without power to resist1 he saw 
himself slipping4 ,all this is far from 
clear1 he cried1 one day1 in a rage1    
when1 less apathetic than usual1 he     
forced himself to take stock4 ,now1     
,monsieur l',abb1 what does this mean8  
,whenever my sensual obsessions are     
weaker1 so also are my religious        
impressions4  ,that means1 said the     
priest1 that your adversary is holding  
out to you the most treacherous of his  
baits4 ,he seeks to persuade you that   
you will never attain to anything unless
 you will give yourself up to the most  
repugnant excesses4 ,he tries to        
convince you that satiety and disgust of
 these acts alone will bring you back to
 ,god2 he incites you to commit them    
that they may1 so to speak1 bring about 
your deliverance2 he leads you into sin 
under pretext of delivering you from it4
 ,have a little energy1 despise these   

sophistries and resist him4  ,he went to
 see the ,abb ,gvresin every week4 ,he  
liked the patient discretion of the old 
priest1 who let him talk when he was in 
a confidential humour1 listened to him  
carefully1 manifested no surprise at his
 frequent temptations and his falls4    
,only the abb always returned to his    
first advice1 insisted on regular       
prayer1 and that ,durtal should each    
day1 if possible1 visit a church4 ,he   
also now said1 ,the hour is important   
for the success of these practices4 ,if 
you wish that the chapels should be     
favourable to you1 get up in time to be 
present at daybreak at the first mass1  
the servants' mass1 and also be very    
often in the sanctuaries at nightfall4  
,the priest had evidently formed a plan2
 ,durtal did not yet wholly understand  
it1 but he was bound to admit that this 
discipline of temporizing1 this constant
 call to thought always directed to     
,god1 by his daily visits to the        
churches1 acted upon him at last1 and   

little by little softened his soul4 ,one
 fact proved it3 that he who for so long
 a time had been unable to meditate in  
the morning1 now prayed as soon as he   
awoke4 ,even in the afternoon he found  
himself on some days seized with the    
need of speaking humbly with ,god1 with 
an irresistible desire to ask ,his      
pardon and implore ,his help4  ,it      
seemed then that the ,lord knocked at   
his door with gentle touches1 wishing so
 to recall his attention1 and draw him  
to ,him2 but when1 softened and         
troubled1 ,durtal would enter into      
himself to seek ,god1 he wandered       
vaguely1 not knowing what he said1 and  
thinking of other things while speaking 
to ,him4  ,he complained of these       
wanderings and distractions to the      
priest1 who answered1--  ,you are on the
 threshold of the probationary life2 you
 cannot yet experience the sweet and    
familiar friendship of prayer4 ,do not  
sadden yourself because you cannot close
 behind you the gate of your senses4    

,watch and wait2 pray badly if you can  
do nothing else1 but pray all the same4 
,be very sure too that every one has    
experienced the troubles which distress 
you2 above all1 believe that we do not  
walk blindfold1 that ,mysticism is an   
absolutely exact science4 ,it can       
foretell the greater part of the        
phenomena which occur in that soul which
 the ,lord intends for a perfect life2  
it follows also spiritual operations    
with the same clearness as physiology   
observes the different states of the    
body4 ,for ages and ages it has         
disclosed the progress of grace and its 
effects1 now impetuous and now slow2 it 
has even pointed out the modifications  
of material organs which are transformed
 when the soul entirely loses itself in 
,god4  ,saint ,denys the ,areopagite1   
,saint ,bonaventure1 ,hugh and ,richard 
of ,saint ,victor1 ,saint ,thomas       
,aquinas1 ,saint ,bernard1 ,ruysbrck1   
,angela of ,foligno1 the two ,eckharts1 
,tauler1 ,suso1 ,denys the ,carthusian1 

,saint ,hildegarde1 ,saint ,catherine of
 ,genoa1 ,saint ,catherine of ,siena1   
,saint ,magdalen of ,pazzi1 ,saint      
,gertrude1 and others have set forth in 
a masterly way the principles and       
theories of ,mysticism1 and it has found
 at last an admirable psychologist to   
sum up its rules and their exceptions2 a
 ,saint who has verified in her own     
person the supernatural phases she has  
described--a woman whose lucidity was   
more than human--,saint ,teresa4 ,you   
have read her life1 and her ',castles of
 the ,soul'6  ,durtal nodded assent4    
,then you have your information2 you    
ought to know that before reaching the  
shores of ,blessedness1 before arriving 
at the fifth dwelling of the interior   
castle1 at that prayer of union wherein 
the soul is awakened in regard to ,god1 
and completely asleep to all things of  
earth and to herself1 she must pass     
through lamentable states of dryness1   
and the most painful strainings4 ,take  
heart therefore2 say to yourself that   

this dryness should be a source of      
humility1 and not a cause of            
disquietude2 do1 in fact1 as ,saint     
,teresa would have you3 carry your      
cross1 and not drag it after you4  ,that
 magnificent and terrible ,saint        
frightens me1 sighed ,durtal4 ,i have   
read her works1 and1 do you know1 she   
gives me the idea of a stainless lily1  
but a metallic lily1 forged of wrought  
iron2 you will admit that those who     
suffer have scant consolations to expect
 from her4  ,yes2 in the sense that she 
does not think of the creature except in
 the way of ,mysticism4 ,she supposes   
the fields already ploughed1 the soul   
already freed from its more vehement    
temptations1 and sheltered from crises2 
her starting-point is as yet too high   
and too distant for you1 for1 in fact1  
she is addressing nuns1 women of the    
cloister1 beings who live apart from the
 world1 and who are consequently already
 advanced on those ascetic ways wherein 
,god is leading them4  ,but make an     

effort in the spirit to free yourself   
from this mud1 cast away for a few      
moments the memory of your imperfections
 and your troubles1 and follow her4 ,see
 then how experienced she is in the     
domain of the supernatural1 how1 in     
spite of her repetitions and            
tediousness1 she explains wisely and    
clearly the mechanism of the soul       
unfolding when ,god touches it4 ,in     
subjects where words fail and phrases   
crumble away1 she succeeds in making    
herself understood1 in showing1 making  
felt1 almost making visible1 the        
inconceivable sight of ,god buried in   
the soul1 and taking ,his pleasure      
there4  ,and she goes still further into
 the mystery1 even to the end2 bounds   
with a final spring to the very gates of
 heaven1 but then she faints on         
adoration1 and being unable to express  
herself further1 she soars1 describing  
circles like a frightened bird1         
wandering beyond herself1 in cries of   
love4  ,yes1 ,monsieur l',abb1 ,i       

recognize that ,saint ,teresa has       
explored deeper than any other the      
unknown regions of the soul2 she is in  
some measure its geographer1 has drawn  
the map of its poles1 marked the        
latitudes of contemplation1 the interior
 lands of the human sky4 ,other ,saints 
have explored them before her1 but they 
have not left us so methodical nor so   
exact a topography4  ,but in spite of   
this ,i prefer those mystical writers   
who have less self-analysis1 and discuss
 less1 who always do throughout their   
works what ,saint ,teresa did at the end
 of hers--that is1 who are all on fire  
from the first page to the last1 and are
 consumed and lost at the feet of       
,christ4 ,ruysbrck is among these4 ,the 
little volume which ,hello has          
translated is a very furnace2 and1      
again1 to quote a woman1 take ,saint    
,angela of ,foligno1 not so much in the 
book of her visions which may not be    
always effectual1 as in the wonderful   
life which she dictated to ,brother     

,armand1 her confessor4 ,she too        
explains1 and much earlier than ,saint  
,teresa1 the principles and effects of  
,mysticism2 but if she is less profound1
 less clever in defining shades1 on the 
other hand she is wonderfully effusive  
and tender4 ,she caresses the soul2 she 
is a ,bacchante of divine love1 a ,mnad 
of purity4 ,christ loves her1 holds long
 conversations with her2 the words she  
has retained surpass all literature1 and
 are manifestly the most beautiful ever 
written4 ,this is no longer the rough   
,christ1 the ,spanish ,christ who begins
 by trampling on ,his creature to make  
him more supple2 ,he is the merciful    
,christ of the ,gospels1 the gentle     
,christ of ,saint ,francis1 and ,i like 
the ,christ of the ,franciscans better  
than the ,christ of the ,carmelites4    
,what will you say1 then1 said the abb1 
with a smile1 of ,st4 ,john of the      
,cross8 ,you compared ,saint ,teresa    
just now to a flower in wrought iron2 he
 too is such1 but he is the lily of     

tortures1 the royal flower which the    
executioners were wont of old time to   
stamp on the heraldic flesh of convicts4
 ,like red-hot iron1 he is at the same  
time burning and sombre4 ,as you turn   
over the pages1 ,saint ,teresa now and  
then bends over and sorrows and         
compassionates us2 he remains           
impenetrable1 buried in his internal    
abyss1 occupied1 above all things1 in   
describing the sufferings of the soul   
which1 after having crucified its       
desires1 passes through the ',night     
obscure1' that is to say1 through the   
renunciation of all which comes from the
 sensible and the created4  ,he wills   
that we should extinguish our           
imagination--so lethargize it that it   
can no longer form images--imprison our 
senses1 annihilate our faculties4 ,he   
wills that he who desires to unite      
himself to ,god should place himself    
under an exhausted receiver1 and make a 
vacuum within1 so that1 if he choose1   
the ,pilgrim should descend therein1 and

 purify himself1 tearing out the remains
 of sins1 extirpating the last relics of
 vice4  ,then the sufferings which the  
soul endures overpass the bounds of the 
possible1 it lies lost in utter         
darkness1 falls under discouragement and
 fatigue1 believes itself for ever      
abandoned by ,him to whom it cries1 who 
now hides ,himself and answers not      
again1 happy still when in that agony1  
the pangs of the flesh are not added1   
and that abominable spirit which ,isaias
 calls the spirit of confusion1 and     
which is none other than the disease of 
scrupulousness pushed to its extreme4   
,saint ,john makes you shudder when he  
cries out that this night of the soul is
 bitter and terrible1 and that the being
 who suffers it is plunged alive into   
hell4 ,but when the old man is purged   
out1 when he is scraped at every seam1  
raked over every face1 light springs    
out1 and ,god appears4 ,then the soul   
casts itself like a child into ,his     
arms1 and the incomprehensible fusion   

takes place4  ,you see ,saint ,john     
penetrates more deeply than others into 
the depths of mystical initiation4 ,he  
also1 like ,saint ,teresa and ,ruysbrck1
 treats of the spiritual marriage1 of   
the influx of grace1 and its gifts2 but 
he first dared to describe minutely the 
dolorous phases which till then had been
 but hinted at with trembling4  ,then if
 he is an admirable theologian1 he is   
also a rigorous and clear-sighted saint4
 ,he has not those weaknesses which are 
natural to a woman2 he does not lose    
himself in digressions1 nor return      
continually on his own steps2 he walks  
straight forward1 but you often see him 
at the end of the road1 blood-stained   
and terrible1 with dry eyes4  ,but1 but1
 said ,durtal1 surely not all souls whom
 ,christ will lead in the ways of       
mysticism are tried thus8  ,yes1 almost 
always1 more or less4  ,i will confess  
that ,i thought the spiritual life was  
less arid and less complex4 ,i imagined 
that by leading a pure life1 praying    

one's best1 and communicating1 one would
 attain without much trouble1 not indeed
 to taste the infinite joys reserved for
 the saints1 but at last to possess the 
,lord1 and live1 at least1 near ,him1 at
 rest4  ,and ,i should be quite content 
with this middle class joy4 ,the price  
paid in advance for the exaltation      
described by ,saint ,john disconcerts   
me4  ,the abb smiled1 but made no       
answer4  ,but do you know that if it be 
so1 replied ,durtal1 we are very far    
from the ,catholicism that is taught us8
 ,it is so practical1 so benign1 so     
gentle1 in comparison with ,mysticism4  
,it is made for lukewarm souls--that is 
to say1 for almost all the pious souls  
which are about us2 it lives in a       
moderate atmosphere1 without too great  
suffering or too much joy2 it only can  
be assimilated by the masses1 and the   
priests are right to present it thus1   
since otherwise the faithful would cease
 to understand it1 or would take flight 
in alarm4  ,but if ,god judge that a    

moderate religion is amply              
sufficient--for the masses believe that 
he demands the most painful efforts on  
the part of those whom he deigns to     
initiate into the supremely adorable    
mysteries of ,his ,person--it is        
necessary and just that he should       
mortify them before allowing them to    
taste the essential intoxication of     
union with ,him4  ,in fact1 the end of  
,mysticism is to render visible1        
sensible1 almost palpable1 the ,god who 
remains silent and hidden from all4     
,and to throw us into ,his deep1 into   
the silent abyss of joy6 ,but in order  
to speak correctly1 we must forget the  
ordinary use of expressions which have  
been degraded4 ,in order to describe    
this mysterious love1 we are obliged to 
draw our comparisons from human acts1   
and to inflict on the ,lord the shame of
 our words4 ,we have to employ such     
terms as 'union1' 'marriage1' 'wedding  
feast'2 but it is impossible to speak of
 the inexpressible1 and with the        

baseness of our language declare the    
ineffable immersion of the soul in ,god4
  ,the fact is1 murmured ,durtal 444 but
 to return to ,saint ,teresa4444  ,she  
too1 interrupted the abb1 has treated of
 this ',night obscure' which terrifies  
you2 but she only speaks of it in a few 
lines4 ,she calls it the soul's agony--a
 sadness so bitter that she strove in   
vain to depict it4  ,no doubt1 but ,i   
prefer her to ,saint ,john of the       
,cross1 for she is not so discouraging  
as that inflexible saint4 ,admit that he
 belongs too much to the land of those  
large ,christs who bleed in caverns4    
,of what nationality then was ,saint    
,teresa8  ,yes1 ,i know she was a       
,spaniard1 but so complex1 so strange1  
that race seems obliterated in her1 less
 clearly defined4  ,it is clear she was 
an admirable psychologist1 but also how 
strange is in her the mixture of an     
ardent mystic and a cool woman of       
business4 ,for1 in fact1 she has a      
double nature2 she is a contemplative   

outside the world1 and at the same time 
a statesman1 a female ,colbert of the   
cloister4 ,in fact1 never was woman so  
consummate a skilled artisan and so     
powerful an organizer4 ,when we consider
 that1 in spite of incredible           
difficulties1 she founded thirty-two    
nunneries1 that she put them all under  
obedience to a rule which is a model of 
wisdom1 a rule which foresees and       
rectifies the most ignored mistakes of  
the heart1 it is astonishing to hear her
 treated by strong-minded people as an  
hysterical madwoman4  ,one of the       
distinctive marks of the mystics1       
answered the abb1 with a smile1 is just 
their absolute balance1 their entire    
common sense4  ,these conversations     
cheered ,durtal2 they planted on him    
seeds of reflection which sprang up when
 he was alone2 they encouraged him to   
trust to the advice of this priest1 and 
follow his counsels4 ,he found himself  
all the better for this conduct1 in that
 his visits to the churches1 his prayers

 and readings occupied his objectless   
life1 and he was no longer wearied4  ,i 
have at least gained peaceable evenings 
and quiet nights1 he said to himself4   
,he knew the soothing help of a pious   
evening4  ,he visited ,st4 ,sulpice at  
those times when1 under the dull gleam  
of the lamps1 the pillars opened out and
 threw long panels of darkness on the   
ground4 ,the chapels which remained open
 were in shade1 and in the nave before  
the high altar a single cluster of      
lamps1 above in the darkness1 shone out 
like a luminous bunch of red roses4  ,in
 the stillness no sounds were heard but 
the dull thud of a door1 the creaking of
 a chair1 the short paces of a woman1   
the hurried stride of a man4  ,durtal   
was almost isolated in the obscure      
chapel which he had chosen2 he kept     
himself there so far from all1 so far   
from the city whose full pulse was      
beating only two paces from him4 ,he    
knelt down and remained still1 he       
prepared to speak1 and had nothing to   

say1 felt himself carried away by an    
impulse1 but no words came4 ,he ended by
 falling into a vague languor1          
experiencing that indolent ease1 that   
dim sense of comfort1 which the body    
feels in a medicated bath4  ,he fell    
a-dreaming of the lot of the women who  
were round about him here and there1 in 
chairs4 ,ah6 those poor little black    
shawls1 those miserable pleated caps1   
those wretched tippets1 those doleful   
seed rosaries they fingered in the      
shade4  ,some in mourning1 sobbed still 
inconsolable2 others1 overwhelmed1 bent 
their backs and hung their heads on one 
side2 others prayed1 their shoulders    
shaking1 their head in their hands4     
,the task of the day was over2 those    
wearied of their life came to ask for   
mercy4 ,everywhere misfortune was       
kneeling1 for the rich1 the healthy1 the
 happy hardly pray2 all around in the   
church were women1 widowed or old1      
without love1 women deserted1 women     
whose home was a torture1 praying that  

existence might become more merciful1   
that the dissoluteness of their husbands
 might cease1 the vices of their sons   
amend1 the health of those they loved   
grow stronger4  ,a lamentable perfume   
went up like incense to ,our ,lady from 
a very sheaf of woes4  ,few men came to 
this hidden meeting-place of trouble2   
still fewer young people1 for these have
 not yet suffered enough2 there were    
only a few old men1 and a few sick who  
dragged themselves along by the backs of
 the chairs1 and a little hunchback1    
whom ,durtal saw coming there every     
evening1 an outcast who could only be   
loved by ,her who does not even see the 
body4  ,a burning pity seized on ,durtal
 at the sight of those unhappy ones who 
came to beg from ,heaven a little of the
 love refused them by men2 and he who   
could not pray on his own account ended 
by joining himself to their pleadings1  
and praying for them4  ,so indifferent  
in the afternoon1 the churches were     
truly persuasive1 truly sweet1 in the   

evening2 they seemed to bestir          
themselves at nightfall1 and to         
compassionate in their solitude the     
sufferings of those sick creatures whose
 complaints they heard4  ,and their     
first mass in the morning1 the mass of  
working women and servant maids was no  
less touching2 there were there no      
bigots nor curious persons1 but poor    
women who came to seek in communion     
strength to live their hours of onerous 
tasks and servile needs4 ,they knew as  
they left the church that they were the 
living custodians of a ,god1 of ,him who
 was ever while on earth the ,poor ,man1
 who took pleasure only in souls who had
 scarce where to lay their head2 they   
knew themselves ,his chosen1 and did not
 doubt that when ,he entrusted to them  
under the form of bread the memorial of 
,his suffering1 ,he demanded of them in 
exchange that they should live in sorrow
 and humility4 ,and what harm then could
 do to them the cares of a day spent in 
the salutary shame of base occupations8 

,i now understand1 thought ,durtal1 why 
the abb made such a point of my seeing  
the churches early or late2 those are1  
in fact1 the only times in which the    
soul expands4  ,but he was too idle to  
be often present at early mass2 he was  
content to take his relaxation after    
dinner in the chapels4 ,he came out with
 a feeling of peace1 even if he had     
prayed badly or not prayed at all4 ,on  
other evenings1 on the contrary1 he felt
 tired of solitude1 tired of silence1   
tired of darkness1 and then he abandoned
 ,st4 ,sulpice and went to ,notre ,dame 
des ,victoires4  ,in this well-lighted  
sanctuary there was no longer that      
depression1 that despair of poor        
wretches who dragged themselves to the  
nearest church and sat down in the      
shade4 ,the pilgrims to ,notre ,dame des
 ,victoires brought a surer confidence1 
and that faith softened their sorrows1  
whose bitterness was dissipated in the  
explosions of hope1 the stammering      
adoration1 which spouted up all around4 

,there were two currents in that refuge1
 that of people who asked for favours1  
and that of those who1 having gained    
them1 were profuse in thankfulness and  
in acts of gratitude4 ,therefore1 that  
church had its especial physiognomy1    
more joyous than sad1 less melancholy1  
more ardent under all circumstances than
 that of other churches4  ,it had1      
moreover1 the peculiarity of being much 
frequented by men1 but less by          
hypocrites1 who will not look you in the
 face1 or with upturned eyes1 than by   
men of all classes whose features were  
not degraded by false piety4 ,there     
alone were to be seen clear expressions 
and clean faces2 there1 above all1 was  
not that horrible grimace of the working
 man of the ,catholic clubs--that       
hideous creature in a blouse1 whose     
breath belies the ill-defined unction of
 his features4  ,in that church1 covered
 with ex votos1 plastered even above the
 arches with inscriptions on marble     
celebrating the joy for prayers granted 

and benefits received1 before that altar
 of ,our ,lady where hundreds of tapers 
pierced the air blue with incense with  
the gilded blades of their lances1 there
 were public prayers every evening at   
eight4 ,a priest in the pulpit said the 
rosary1 sometimes the ,litany of ,our   
,lady was sung to a singular air1 a sort
 of musical cento1 but it was impossible
 to say whence it was constructed1 very 
rhythmical1 and continually changing its
 tone1 now fast1 now slow1 bringing with
 it1 for a moment1 a vague recollection 
of seventeenth-century airs1 then       
turning sharply at a tangent1 to a      
barrel-organ tune1 a modern1 almost     
vulgar1 melody4  ,yet1 after all1 there 
was something taking in this singular   
confusion of sounds after the ,kyrie    
eleison and the opening invocations4    
,the ,virgin came upon the scene to a   
dance measure like a ballet girl2 but   
when certain of her attributes were     
paraded1 and certain of her symbolical  
names declared1 the music became        

singularly respectful2 it became lower1 
halting and solemn1 thrice repeating1 on
 the same motive1 some of her           
attributes1 the ,refugium ,peccatorum   
among others2 then it went on again1 and
 began her graces again with a skip4    
,when by chance there was no sermon1 the
 ,benediction took place immediately    
afterwards4  ,then with raspings of the 
choir1 a bass with a cold1 and two boys 
who snivelled began their liturgical    
chants3 ,inviolata1 that languishing and
 plaintive ,sequence1 with its clear and
 drawling tune so weak1 so frail1 that  
it would seem as if it should only be   
sung by voices in a hospital2 then the  
,parce ,domine1 that antiphon so        
suppliant and so sad2 lastly1 that      
scrap1 detached from the ,panga ,lingua1
 the ,tantum ergo1 humble and           
thoughtful1 attentive and slow4  ,when  
the organ sounded out the first chords1 
and that plain chant melody began1 the  
choir had only to cross their arms and  
hold their tongues4 ,as tapers which are

 lighted by threads of fulminate        
attached one to the other1 the faithful 
caught fire1 and1 accompanied by the    
organs1 struck up for themselves the    
humble and glorious strains4 ,they were 
then kneeling on the chairs1 prostrate  
on the pavement1 and when1 after the    
exchange of antiphons and responses1    
after the oremus1 the priest ascended to
 the altar1 his shoulders and hands     
enfolded in the white silk scarf1 to    
take the monstrance1 then1 at the shrill
 and hurried sounds of the bells1 a wind
 passed which at once bent every head   
like the mowing of grass4  ,in these    
groups of souls on fire there was a     
fulness of devotion1 a complete and     
absolute silence1 till the bells again  
rang out1 and invited human life which  
had been interrupted to wrap itself in a
 great sign of the ,cross and resume its
 course4  ,the ,laudate was not ended   
when ,durtal left the church1 before the
 crowd began to move4  ,verily1 he said1
 as he entered his lodgings1 the fervour

 of that congregation1 who do not come  
as in other churches from the districts1
 but are pilgrims from everywhere and   
one knows not where1 is out of tune with
 the blackguardism of this foolish age4 
,then at ,notre ,dame at least one hears
 curious singing1 and he bethought him  
of those strange litanies which he had  
heard nowhere else1 and yet he had      
experienced all kinds1 in churches4 ,at 
,st4 ,sulpice1 for example1 it was      
recited to two tunes4 ,when the choir   
sang it was set to a plain chant melody1
 bellowed by the gong of a bass to which
 the sharp fife of the boys made answer2
 but during ,rosary month1 on every day 
except ,thursday the task of singing it 
was entrusted to young ladies2 then in  
the evening round a wheezy old          
harmonium1 a troup of young and old     
geese1 made ,our ,lady run round on her 
litanies as on hobby horses to the music
 of a fair4  ,in other churches1 at ,st4
 ,thomas ,aquinas1 for example1 where   
they were also dropped out by women1 the

 litanies were sprinkled with powder and
 perfumed by bergamot and ambergris4    
,they were1 in fact1 adapted to a minuet
 tune1 and therefore did not disagree   
with the operatic architecture of the   
church1 where they presented a ,virgin  
walking with mincing steps1 pinching her
 petticoat with two fingers1 bending in 
beautiful curtseys1 and recovering      
herself with a fine bow4 ,this has      
evidently nothing to do with church     
music1 but it was none the less         
disagreeable to hear4 ,it would have    
made the whole performance complete if  
the harpsichord had been substituted for
 the organ4  ,far more interesting than 
this lay quavering was the plain chant1 
given more or less badly1 as it was     
moreover given1 but yet given1 when     
there was no special ceremony at ,notre 
,dame4  ,it was not arranged there as at
 ,st4 ,sulpice and the other churches   
where the ,tantum ergo is almost always 
dressed up in foolish flourishes1 tunes 
for military ceremonials or public      

dinners4  ,the ,church has not allowed  
the actual text of ,saint ,thomas       
,aquinas to be altered1 but she has let 
any and every choirmaster suppress the  
plain chant in which it has been wrapped
 from its birth1 which has penetrated to
 its marrow1 has clung to each of its   
phrases1 and become with it one body and
 one soul4  ,it was monstrous1 and it   
must really be that these curs have     
lost1 not the sense of art1 for that    
they never had1 but the most elementary 
sense of the liturgy1 to accept such    
heresies1 and tolerate such outrages in 
their churches4  ,these thoughts enraged
 ,durtal1 but he returned little by     
little to ,notre ,dame des ,victoires   
and grew calmer4 ,it was well he should 
examine it under all aspects1 but it    
remained none the less mysterious nor   
the less unique in ,paris4  ,at ,la     
,salette1 at ,lourdes1 there have been  
apparitions4 ,whether these have been   
authentic or controverted matters       
little1 he thought4 ,for even supposing 

,our ,lady were not there at the moment 
her coming was announced1 she was       
attracted there1 and dwells there now1  
retained there by the tide of prayer and
 the emanations cast up by the faith of 
crowds4 ,miracles have happened there2  
it is therefore not astonishing that    
pious crowds flock thither4 ,but here at
 ,notre ,dame des ,victoires has been no
 apparition2 no ,mlanie1 no ,bernadette1
 have seen and described the luminous   
appearance of a 'beautiful ,lady4'      
,there are no piscinas1 no medical      
staff1 no public cures1 no mountain top1
 no grotto1 nothing4 ,one fine day in   
#ahcf the cur of the parish1 the ,abb   
,dufriche ,des ,genettes1 declared that 
while he was celebrating mass ,our ,lady
 manifested to him her desire that the  
sanctuary should be specially           
consecrated to her1 and that alone was  
enough4 ,the church1 then a desert1 has 
never since been empty1 and thousands of
 ex votos declare the graces which since
 that day the ,madonna has accorded to  

the visitors4  ,yes1 but in fact1       
concluded ,durtal1 all these suppliants 
are not specially extraordinary souls1  
for indeed the most part of them are    
like me1 they come in their own         
interests1 for themselves and not for   
,her4  ,and he remembered the answer of 
the ,abb ,gvresin1 to whom he had       
already made the observation4  ,you must
 be singularly far advanced on the road 
to perfection if you go there for ,her  
only4  ,suddenly1 after so many hours   
spent in the chapels1 there was a       
reaction2 the flesh extinguished under  
the cinders of prayers took fire1 and   
the conflagration1 springing up from    
below1 became terrible4  ,florence      
seemed present1 to ,durtal's            
imagination1 at his lodgings1 in the    
churches1 in the street1 everywhere1 and
 he was constantly on the watch against 
her recurrent attractions4  ,the weather
 was mixed up with it all2 the heaven   
broke up1 a stormy summer raged1        
shattering the nerves1 enfeebling the   

will1 letting the awakened troop of     
vices loose in their gloomy moisture4   
,durtal blenched before the dread of    
long evenings and the abominable        
melancholy of days that never ended4 ,at
 eight o'clock in the evening the sun   
had not set1 and at three in the morning
 it seemed to wake again2 the week was  
only one uninterrupted day1 and life was
 never arrested4  ,oppressed by the     
ignominy of this angry sunshine and     
these blue skies1 disgusted at bathing  
in ,niles of sweat1 and feeling         
,niagaras run from his hat1 he did not  
stir from home1 and then1 in his        
solitude1 foul thoughts assailed him4   
,it was an obsession by thought1 by     
vision1 in all ways1 and the haunting   
was all the more terrible that it was so
 special1 that it never turned aside1   
but concentrated itself always on the   
same point1 the face and figure of      
,florence4  ,durtal resisted1 then in   
distraction1 took to flight1 tried to   
tire himself out by long walks1 and to  

divert his mind by excursions1 but the  
ignoble desire followed him in his      
course1 sat before him in the ,caf1 came
 between his eyes and the newspaper he  
strove to read1 becoming ever more      
definite4 ,he ended1 after hours of     
struggle1 by giving way and going to see
 this woman2 he left her overwhelmed1   
half dead with disgust and shame1 almost
 in tears4  ,nor did he thus find any   
solace in his struggle1 but the         
contrary2 far from escaping it1 the     
hateful charm took more violent and     
tenacious possession of him4 ,then      
,durtal thought of and accepted a       
strange compromise1 to visit another    
woman he knew1 and in her society to    
break this nervous state1 to put an end 
to this possession1 this weariness and  
remorse2 and in doing so he strove to   
persuade himself that in thus acting he 
would be more pardonable1 less sinful4  
,the clearest result of this attempt was
 to bring back the memory of ,florence1 
and her vicious charm4  ,he continued   

therefore his intimacy with her1 and    
then he had1 during a few days1 such a  
revolt from his slavery1 that he        
extricated himself from the sewer1 and  
stood on firm ground4  ,he succeeded in 
recovering and pulling himself together1
 and he loathed himself4 ,during this   
crisis he had somewhat neglected the    
,abb ,gvresin1 to whom he dared not avow
 his foulness1 but since certain        
indications warned him of new attacks1  
he took fright1 and went to see him4    
,he explained his crises in veiled      
words1 and he felt so unnerved1 so sad1 
that tears stood in his eyes4  ,well1   
are you now certain that you have that  
repentance which you assure me you have 
not experienced up to this time8  ,yes1 
but what is the good of it1 if one is so
 weak1 that in spite of all efforts one 
is certain to be overthrown at the first
 assault8  ,that is another question4   
,come1 ,i see that at present you are in
 fact in a state of fatigue requiring   
help4  ,comfort yourself therefore2 go  

in peace and sin less1 the greater part 
of your temptations will be remitted    
you2 you can1 if you choose1 bear the   
remainder1 only take care1 if you fall  
henceforward1 you will be without       
excuse1 and ,i do not answer for it1    
that instead of mending1 your condition 
will not be aggravated4  ,and as        
,durtal1 stupefied1 stammered out3 ,you 
believe--  ,i believe1 said the priest1 
in the mystical substitution of which ,i
 spoke to you2 you will moreover        
experience it in yourself2 the saints   
will enter into the lists to help you2  
they will take the overplus of the      
assaults which you cannot conquer2      
without even knowing your name1 from    
their secluded province1 nunneries of   
,carmelites and ,poor ,clares will pray 
for you1 on receiving a letter from me4 
,and in fact1 from that very day the    
most acute attacks ceased4 ,did he owe  
that cessation1 that truce1 to the      
intercession of the cloistered ,orders1 
or to a change in the weather1 which    

then took place1 to the less heat of the
 sun1 which gave way to floods of rain8 
,he could not tell1 but one thing was   
certain1 his temptations were less      
frequent1 and he could bear them with   
impunity4  ,this idea of convents in    
their compassion dragging him out of the
 mud in which he had stuck1 and by their
 charity bringing him to the bank1      
excited him4 ,he chose to go to the     
,avenue de ,saxe1 to pray in the home of
 the sisters of those who suffered for  
him4  ,this time there were no lights1  
no crowds1 as on the morning when he had
 been present at a ,procession1 no odour
 of wax or incense1 no sweeping by of   
robes of scarlet and cope of gold1 all  
was deserted and dark4  ,he was there   
alone1 in the sombre and dank chapel1   
smelling like stagnant water1 and       
without saying rosaries mechanically1 or
 repeating prayers by rote1 he fell into
 a reverie1 endeavouring to look        
somewhat clearly into his life1 and take
 stock of himself4 ,and while he thus   

pulled himself together1 far-off voices 
came behind the grating1 drew nearer and
 nearer1 passed by the black sieve of   
the veil1 and dropped round the altar1  
whose form rose dimly in the shadow4    
,these voices of the ,carmelites aided  
,durtal to probe his despair deeply4    
,seated in a chair1 he said to himself3 
,when any one is as incapable as ,i am  
when ,i speak to ,him1 it is almost     
shameful to dare to pray1 for indeed1 if
 ,i think of ,him1 it is that ,i may ask
 for a little happiness2 and that is    
foolish4 ,in the immediate shipwreck of 
human reason1 wishing to explain the    
terrible enigma of the meaning of life1 
one only idea comes to the surface1 in  
the midst of the wreckage of thoughts   
which sink1 the idea of an expiation    
felt rather than understood1 the idea   
that the sole end assigned to life is   
sorrow4  ,every one has a sum of        
physical and moral suffering to pay1 and
 whoever does not settle it here below1 
defrays it after death2 happiness is    

only lent1 and must be repaid2 its very 
phantoms are like duties paid in advance
 on a future succession of sorrows4     
,who knows in that case whether         
ansthetics which suppress corporal pain 
do not bring into debt those who use    
them8 ,who knows whether chloroform is  
not a means of revolt1 and if the       
shrinking of the creature from suffering
 is not seditious1 a rebellion against  
the will of ,heaven8 ,if this be so1 the
 arrears of torture1 the balance of     
distress1 the warrants of pain avoided  
must accumulate terrible interest above1
 and justify the war cry of ,saint      
,teresa1 ',lord1 let me always suffer1  
or die2' this explains why1 in their    
trials1 the saints rejoice1 and pray the
 ,lord not to spare them1 for they know 
that the purifying amount of ills must  
be paid in order to be free from debt   
after death4  ,to be just1 human nature 
would be too ignoble without pain1 for  
it alone can raise the soul while       
purifying it1 but all that is nothing   

less than consoling1 he added4 ,what an 
accompaniment to these sad thoughts are 
the wailing voices of these nuns2 it is 
truly frightful4  ,he ended by fleeing1 
and taking refuge1 to shake off his     
depression1 in the neighbouring convent 
at the bottom of the alley de ,saxe1 in 
a suburban lane1 full of little cottages
 with gardens in front1 where serpentine
 paths of pebbles wound round tufts of  
pot-herbs4  ,this was the convent of the
 ,poor ,clares of the ,ave ,maria1 an   
,order still more strict than that of   
the ,carmelites1 poorer1 less           
fashionable1 more humble4  ,this        
cloister was entered by a little door1  
partly ajar2 you ascended to the second 
storey without meeting anyone1 and found
 a little chapel1 through whose windows 
trees were visible1 rocking to the      
chirping of riotous sparrows4  ,this too
 was a place of burial1 but no longer1  
as though opposite a tomb at the bottom 
of a dark cavern1 but rather a cemetery 
where birds sang in the sun among the   

branches1 you might have thought        
yourself in the country1 twenty miles   
from ,paris4  ,the decoration of this   
bright chapel tried1 however1 to be     
gloomy2 it was like those wine shops    
whose walls are made to look like those 
of caves1 with false stones painted in  
the imitation plaster4 ,only the height 
of the nave manifested the childishness 
of the imposture1 and declared the      
vulgarity of the deception4  ,at the end
 was an altar above a smooth waxed      
floor1 and on either side of it a       
grating with a black veil4 ,according to
 the rule of ,saint ,francis1 all the   
ornaments1 the crucifix1 the            
candlesticks1 the tabernacle1 were of   
wood1 no object was to be seen in metal1
 no flower1 the only luxury in the      
chapel consisted of two modern stained  
windows1 one of which represented ,saint
 ,francis1 the other ,saint ,clare4     
,durtal thought the sanctuary airy and  
delightful1 but he only stayed there a  
few minutes1 for there was not here1 as 

at the ,carmelites1 an absolute         
solitude1 a sombre peace2 here there    
were always two or three ,poor ,clares  
trotting about the chapel1 who looked at
 him while they were arranging the      
chairs1 and seemed surprised at his     
presence4  ,they were annoying to him1  
and he feared he was the same to them1  
so much so that he went away2 but this  
short stay was enough to efface1 or at  
least to lessen the funereal impression 
of the neighbouring convent4  ,durtal   
returned home1 at once much appeased and
 much disquieted--much appeased in      
regard to his temptations1 much         
disquieted about what he should do next4
  ,he felt rising in him1 and increasing
 ever more and more1 the desire to have 
done with these strifes and fears1 but  
he grew pale when he thought of         
reversing his life1 once for all4  ,but 
if he still had hesitation and fear1 he 
had no longer the firm intention of     
resisting2 he now accepted in principle 
the idea of a change of existence1 only 

he tried to retard the day1 and put off 
the hour2 he tried to gain time4  ,then 
like people who grow angry at having to 
wait1 on other days he wished to put off
 the inevitable moment no longer1 and   
cried within himself that this must end2
 anything rather than remain as he was4 
,then as this desire did not seem heard1
 he grew discouraged1 would no longer   
think of anything1 regretted the time   
past1 and deplored that he felt himself 
carried along by such a current4  ,and  
when he was rather more cheerful1 he    
tried again to examine himself4 ,in fact
 ,i do not at all know how ,i stand1 he 
thought2 this flux and reflux of        
different wishes alarms me1 but how have
 ,i come to this point1 and what is the 
matter with me8 ,what he felt1 since he 
became more lucid1 was so intangible1 so
 indefinite1 and yet so continuous that 
he was obliged to give up understanding 
it4 ,indeed every time he tried to      
examine his soul1 a curtain of mist     
arose1 and hid from him the unseen and  

silent approach of he knew not what4    
,the only impression which he carried   
with him as he rose1 was that it was    
less that he advanced towards the       
unknown1 but that this unknown invaded  
him1 penetrated him1 and little by      
little took possession of him4  ,when he
 spoke to the abb of this state1 at once
 cowardly and resigned1 imploring and   
fearful1 the priest only smiled4  ,busy 
yourself in prayer1 and bow down your   
back1 he said one day4  ,but ,i am tired
 of bending my back1 and of trampling   
always on the same spot1 cried ,durtal4 
,i have had enough of feeling myself    
taken by the shoulders and led ,i know  
not where1 it is really time that in one
 way or another this situation came to  
an end4  ,plainly4 ,and standing up1 and
 looking him in the face1 the abb said1 
impressively1  ,this advance towards    
,god which you find so obscure and so   
slow is1 on the contrary1 so luminous   
and so rapid that it astonishes me1 only
 as you yourself do not move1 you do not

 take account of the swiftness with     
which you are borne along4  ,before long
 you will be ripe1 and then without need
 to shake the tree you will fall off of 
yourself4 ,the question we have now to  
answer is into what receptacle we must  
put you1 when at last you fall away from
 your life4     ,,chapter ,,vii4   ,but 
444 but 444 thought ,durtal1 we must at 
any rate come to an understanding2 the  
abb wearies me with his quiet           
assumptions1 his receptacle in which he 
must place me4 ,he does not1 ,i suppose1
 think of making me a seminarist or a   
monk2 the seminary1 at my age1 is devoid
 of interest1 and as to the convent1 it 
is attractive from the mystical point of
 view1 and even enticing from the       
artistic standpoint1 but ,i have not the
 physical aptitudes1 still less the     
spiritual predispositions to shut myself
 up for ever in a cloister2 but putting 
that aside1 what does he mean8  ,on the 
other hand he has insisted on lending me
 the works of ,saint ,john of the       

,cross1 and has made me read them2 he   
has then an aim1 for he is not a man to 
feel his way as he walks1 he knows what 
he wishes and where he is going2 does he
 imagine that ,i am intended for the    
perfect life1 and does he intend to put 
me on my guard by this course of reading
 against the disillusions which1        
according to him1 beginners experience8 
,his scent seems to fail him there4 ,i  
have a very horror of bigotry1 and pious
 polish1 but though ,i admire1 ,i do not
 feel at all drawn towards the phenomena
 of ,mysticism4 ,no1 ,i am interested in
 seeing them in others1 ,i like to see  
it all from my window1 but will not go  
downstairs1 ,i have no pretension to    
become a saint1 all that ,i desire is to
 attain the intermediate state1 between 
goody-goodiness and sanctity4 ,this is a
 frightfully low ideal1 perhaps1 but in 
practice it is the only one ,i am       
capable of attaining1 and yet6  ,then   
these questions have to be faced6 ,if ,i
 am mistaken and am obeying false       

impulses1 ,i am1 as ,i advance1 on the  
verge of madness4 ,how1 except by a     
special grace1 am ,i to know whether ,i 
am in the right way1 or walking in the  
dark towards the abyss8 ,here1 for      
instance1 are those conversations       
between ,god and the soul so common in  
the mystical life2 how can one be sure  
that this interior voice1 these distinct
 words not heard with bodily ears1 but  
perceived by the soul in a clearer      
fashion than if they came by the        
channels of sense1 are true1 how be sure
 that they emanate from ,god1 not from  
our imagination or from the devil       
himself8  ,i know1 indeed1 that ,saint  
,teresa treats this matter at length in 
her ',castles of the ,soul1' and that   
she points out the signs by which we can
 recognize the origin of the words1 but 
her proofs do not seem to me always as  
easy to discern as she thinks4  ',if    
these expressions come from ,god1' she  
says1 'they are always accompanied by an
 effect1 and bring with them an         

authority which nothing can resist2 thus
 a soul is in affliction1 and the ,lord 
simply suggests the words trouble not   
thyself1 and at once the whirlwind      
passes1 and joy revives4 ,in the second 
place1 these words leave an indissoluble
 peace of mind1 they engrave themselves 
on the memory1 and often cannot be      
effaced4'  ',in the other case1' she    
continues1 'if these words proceed from 
imagination or from the demon1 none of  
these effects are produced1 a kind of   
uneasiness1 anguish and doubt torments  
you1 moreover the expressions evaporate 
in part1 and fatigue the soul which     
endeavours in vain to recall them in    
their entirety4'  ,in spite of these    
tokens1 we are1 in fact1 standing on    
shifting ground in which we may sink at 
every step1 but in his turn ,saint ,john
 of the ,cross intervenes1 and tells you
 not to move4 ,what then is to be done8 
',no one1' he says1 'ought to aspire to 
these supernatural communications and   
rest there1 for two motives2 first1     

humility1 the perfect abnegation of     
refusing to believe in them2 the second1
 that in acting thus1 we deliver        
ourselves from the labour necessary to  
assure ourselves whether these vocal    
visions are true or false1 and so we are
 dispensed from an examination which has
 no other profit for the soul than loss 
of time and anxiety4'  ,good--but if    
these words are really pronounced by    
,god1 we rebel against ,his will if we  
remain deaf to them4 ,and then1 as      
,saint ,teresa declares1 it is not in   
our power not to listen to them1 and the
 soul can only think of what it hears   
when ,jesus speaks to it4 ,moreover1 all
 the discussions on this subject are    
uncertain1 for one does not enter of    
one's own will into the strait way1 as  
the ,church calls it1 we are led1 and   
even thrown into it often against the   
will1 and resistance is impossible1     
phenomena occur1 and nothing in the     
world has power to check them2 witness  
,saint ,teresa1 who1 resist as she would

 by humility1 fell into ecstasy under   
the divine breath1 and was raised from  
the ground4  ,no1 these superhuman      
conditions alarm me1 and ,i do not hold 
to knowing them by experience4 ,as to   
,saint ,john of the ,cross1 the abb is  
not wrong in calling him unique1 but    
though he sounds the lowest strata of   
the soul1 and reaches where human auger 
has never penetrated1 he wearies me all 
the same in my admiration1 for his work 
is full of nightmares which repel me2 ,i
 am not certain that his hell is        
correct1 and some of his assertions do  
not convince me4 ,what he calls the     
'night obscure' is incomprehensible2    
',the sufferings of that darkness       
surpass what is possible1' he cries on  
each page4 ,here ,i lose foothold4 ,i   
can imagine1 though ,i have not         
experienced them1 the moral and terrible
 pangs1 of the deaths of friends and    
relations1 love betrayed1 hopes which   
failed1 spiritual sorrows of all kinds1 
but such a martyrdom as he proclaims as 

superior to all others1 is beyond me1   
for it is outside our human interests1  
beyond our affections2 he moves in an   
inaccessible sphere1 in an unknown world
 very far off4  ,i am certainly afraid  
that this terrible saint1 a true man of 
the south1 abuses metaphor1 and is full 
of ,spanish affectation4  ,moreover ,i  
am astonished at the abb on another     
point4 ,he1 who is so gentle1 shows a   
certain leaning to the dry bread of     
,mysticism2 the effusions of ,ruysbrck1 
of ,saint ,angela1 of ,saint ,catherine 
of ,genoa1 touch him less than the      
arguments of saints who are hard        
reasoners2 yet by the side of these he  
has advised me to read ,marie d',agreda1
 whom he ought not to fancy1 for she has
 none of those qualities which are      
admired in the works of ,saint ,teresa  
and ,saint ,john of the ,cross4  ,ah6 he
 may flatter himself that he has        
inflicted on me a complete disillusion1 
by lending me her ',cit ,mystique4'     
,from the renown of this ,spanish woman1

 ,i expected the breath of prophecy1    
wide outlooks1 extraordinary visions4   
,not at all2 her book is simply strange 
and pompous1 wearisome and cold4 ,then  
the phraseology of her book is          
intolerable4 ,all the expressions which 
swarm in those ponderous volumes1 'my   
divine princess1' 'my great queen1' when
 she addresses ,our ,lady1 who in her   
turn speaks to her as 'my dearest1' just
 as ,christ calls her 'my spouse1' 'my  
well-beloved1' and speaks of her        
continually as 'the object of my        
pleasure and delight1' the way in which 
she speaks of the angels as 'the        
courtiers of the great ,king1' set my   
nerves on edge and weary me4  ,they     
smell of perriwigs and ruffles1 bows and
 dances like ,versailles1 a sort of     
court mysticism in which ,christ        
pontificates1 attired in the costume of 
,louis ,,xiv4  ,moreover ,marie         
d',agreda enters into most extravagant  
details4 ,she tells us of the milk of   
,our ,lady which cannot grow sour1 of   

female complaints from which she was    
exempt1 she explains the mystery of the 
conception by three drops of blood which
 fell from the heart into the womb of   
,mary1 and which the ,holy ,ghost used  
to form the child2 lastly1 she declares 
that ,saint ,michael and ,saint ,gabriel
 played the part of midwives1 and stood 
living1 under human forms1 at the       
lying-in of the ,virgin4  ,this is too  
strong4 ,i know well that the abb would 
say that we need not concern ourselves  
with these singularities and these      
errors1 but that the ',cit ,mystique' is
 to be read in relation to the inner    
life of the ,blessed ,virgin4 ,yes1 but 
then the book of ,m4 ,ollier1 which     
treats of the same subject1 seems to me 
curious and trustworthy in quite a      
different way4  ,was the priest forcing 
the note1 playing a part8 ,durtal asked 
himself this1 when he saw how determined
 he was not to avoid the same questions 
during a certain time4 ,he tried now and
 then1 in order to see how the matter   

was1 to turn the conversation1 but the  
abb smiled1 and brought it back to the  
point he wished4  ,when he thought that 
he had saturated ,durtal with mystical  
works1 he spoke of them less1 and seemed
 to attach himself mainly to the        
religious ,orders1 and especially to    
that of ,saint ,benedict4 ,he very      
cleverly induced ,durtal to become      
interested in this institution1 and to  
ask him about it1 and when once he had  
entered on this ground1 he did not      
depart from it4  ,it began one day when 
,durtal was talking with him about plain
 chant4  ,you have reason to like it1   
said the abb1 for even independently of 
the liturgy and of art1 this chant1 if  
,i may believe ,saint ,justin1 appeases 
the desires and concupiscences of the   
flesh1 'affectiones et concupiscentias  
carnis sedat1' but let me assure you1   
you only know it by hearsay1 there is no
 longer any true plain chant in the     
churches1 these are like the products of
 therapeutics1 only more or less        

audacious adulterations presented to    
you4  ,none of the chants which are to  
some extent respected by choirs1 the    
',tantum ergo1' for example1 are now    
exact4 ,it is given almost faithfully   
till the verse ',prstet fides1' and then
 it runs off the rails1 taking no       
account of the shades1 which are1       
however1 quite perceptible1 that the    
,gregorian melody introduces when the   
text declares the impotence of reason   
and the powerful aid of ,faith2 these   
adulterations are still more apparent1  
if you listen to the ',salve ,regina'   
after ,compline4 ,this is abridged more 
than half1 is enervated1 blanched1 half 
its pauses are taken away1 it is reduced
 to a mere stump of ignoble music1 if   
you had even heard this magnificent     
chant among the ,trappists1 you would   
weep with disgust at hearing it bawled  
in the churches at ,paris4  ,but besides
 the textual alteration of the melody as
 we now have it1 the way in which the   
plain chant is bellowed is everywhere   

absurd4 ,one of the first conditions for
 rendering it well1 is that the voices  
should go together1 that they should all
 chant in the same time syllable for    
syllable and note for note1 in one word 
it must be in unison4  ,now1 you can    
verify it yourself1 the ,gregorian      
melody is not thus treated2 every voice 
takes its own part1 and is isolated4    
,next1 plain music allows no            
accompaniment1 it must be chanted alone1
 without organ1 it bears at most that   
the instrument should give the          
intonation and accompany it very softly1
 just enough if need be to sustain the  
pitch taken by the voices2 it is not so 
that you will hear it given in the      
churches4  ,yes1 ,i know it well1 said  
,durtal4 ,when ,i hear it at ,st4       
,sulpice1 ,st4 ,severin1 or ,notre ,dame
 des ,victoires1 ,i am aware that it is 
sophisticated1 but you must admit that  
it is even then superb4 ,i do not defend
 the tricks1 the addition of fiorituri1 
the falseness of the musical pauses1 the

 felonious accompaniment1 the           
concert-room tone inflicted on you at   
,saint ,sulpice1 but what can ,i do8 in 
default of the original ,i must be      
content with a more or less worthless   
copy1 and ,i repeat1 even executed in   
that fashion the music is so admirable  
that ,i am enchanted by it4  ,but1 said 
the abb quietly1 nothing obliges you to 
listen to the false plain chant1 when   
you can hear the true1 for saving your  
presence1 there exists1 even in ,paris1 
a chapel where it is intact1 and given  
according to the rules of which ,i have 
spoken4  ,indeed1 and where is that8    
,at the ,benedictine nuns of the        
,blessed ,sacrament in the ,rue         
,monsieur4  ,and can anyone enter the   
convent and be present at the offices8  
,anyone4 ,every day in the week1        
,vespers are sung at three o'clock1 and 
on ,sundays ,high ,mass is said at nine4
  ,ah1 had ,i but known this chapel     
earlier1 said ,durtal1 the first time he
 came out4  ,in fact it combined all the

 conditions he could wish4 ,situated in 
a solitary street1 it had the completest
 privacy4 ,the architect who built it   
had introduced no innovations or        
pretentiousness1 had built a ,gothic    
church1 and introduced no fancies of his
 own4  ,it was cruciform1 but one of the
 arms was scarcely the full length1 for 
want of room1 while the other was       
prolonged into a hall1 separated from   
the choir by an iron grating above which
 the ,blessed ,sacrament was adored by  
two kneeling angels1 whose lilac wings  
were folded over thin rose-coloured     
backs4 ,except these two figures1 of    
which the execution was truly sinful1   
the rest was at least veiled by shadow1 
and was not too afflicting to the eyes4 
,the chapel was dim1 and always at the  
time of the offices1 a young            
sacristan-sister1 tall and pale1 and    
rather bent1 entered like a shadow1 and 
each time that she passed before the    
altar she fell on one knee and bowed her
 head profoundly4  ,she seemed strange  

and scarcely human1 gliding noiselessly 
over the pavement1 her head bowed1 with 
a band as low as her eyebrows1 and she  
seemed to fly like a large bat when     
standing before the tabernacle she      
turned her back1 moving her large black 
sleeves as she lighted the tapers4      
,durtal one day saw her features1 sickly
 but charming1 her eyelids dark1 her    
eyes of a tired blue1 and he guessed    
that her body was wasted by prayers1    
under her black robe drawn together by a
 leathern girdle ornamented by a little 
medal of the ,blessed ,sacrament of gilt
 metal1 under the trimming1 near her    
heart4  ,the grating of the enclosure1  
on the left of the altar1 was large1 and
 well lighted from behind1 so that even 
when the curtains were drawn it was     
possible to see the whole chapter drawn 
up in file in their oaken stalls        
surmounted at the end by a higher stall 
in which the abbess sat4 ,a lighted     
taper stood in the middle of the hall1  
and before it a nun prayed day and      

night1 a cord round her neck1 to expiate
 the insults offered to ,jesus under    
,his ,eucharistic form4  ,the first time
 ,durtal had visited the chapel1 he had 
gone there on ,sunday a little before   
the time of ,mass1 and he had been thus 
able to be present at the entry of the  
,benedictine nuns1 behind the iron      
screen4 ,they advanced two and two1     
stopped in the middle of the grating1   
turned to the altar and genuflected1    
then each bowed to her neighbour1 and so
 to the end of this procession of women 
in black1 only brightened by the        
whiteness of the head-band and the      
collar1 and the gilt spot of the little 
monstrance on the breast4 ,the novices  
came last1 to be recognized by the white
 veils which covered their heads4  ,and 
when an old priest1 assisted by a       
sacristan1 began the mass softly at the 
end of the chapter1 a small organ gave  
the tone to the voices4  ,then ,durtal  
might well wonder1 for he had never     
before heard a sole and only voice made 

up of perhaps some thirty1 of a tone so 
strange1 a superterrestrial voice1 which
 burnt upon itself1 in the air1 and     
intertwined its soft cooings4  ,this    
bore no resemblance to the icy and      
obstinate lament of the ,carmelites1 nor
 was it like the unsexed tone1 the      
child's voice1 squeaking1 rounded off at
 the end of the ,franciscan nuns1 but   
quite another thing4  ,at ,la ,glacire  
in fact those raw voices1 though        
softened and watered by prayers1 kept   
somewhat of the drawling1 almost vulgar1
 inflexion of the people from whom they 
came2 they were greatly purified1 but   
remained none the less human4 ,here the 
tenderness of tones was rendered        
angelic1 that voice with no defined     
origin long bolted through the divine   
sieve1 patiently modelled for the       
liturgical chant1 caught fire as it     
unfolded1 blazed in virginal clusters of
 white sound1 died down1 flowered out   
again in pale pleadings1 distant1       
seraphic at the end of certain chants4  

,thus interpreted the ,mass gave a      
special accent to the sense of the      
sequences4  ,standing1 behind the       
grating1 the convent answered the       
priest4  ,durtal had then heard1 after a
 mournful and solemn ,kyrie ,eleison1   
sharp and almost tragic1 the decided    
cry1 so loving and so grave1 of the     
,gloria in ,excelsis1 to the true plain 
chant2 he had listened to the ,credo1   
slow and bare1 solemn and pensive1 and  
he was able to affirm that these chants 
were totally different from those which 
were sung everywhere in the churches4   
,st4 ,severin and ,st4 ,sulpice now     
seemed to him profane2 in the place of  
their gentle warmth1 their curls and    
their fringes1 the angles of their      
polished melodies1 their modern endings1
 their incoherent accompaniments        
arranged for the organ1 he found himself
 in the presence of a chant1 thin1 sharp
 and nervous1 like the work of an early 
master1 and saw the ascetic severity of 
its lines1 its sonorous colouring1 the  

brightness of its metal hammered out    
with the rude yet charming art of       
,gothic jewels1 he heard under the woven
 robe of sound1 the beating of a simple 
heart1 the ingenuous love of ages1 and  
he noticed that curious shade in        
,benedictine music2 it ended all cries  
of adoration1 all tender cooings in a   
timid murmur1 cut short1 as though      
shrinking in humility1 effacing itself  
modestly as though asking pardon of ,god
 for daring to love ,him4  ,ah1 you were
 very right to send me there1 said      
,durtal to the abb when next he saw him4
  ,i had no choice1 answered the priest1
 smiling1 for the plain chant is        
respected only in convents under the    
,benedictine rule4 ,that grand ,order   
has restored it4 ,dom ,pothier has done 
for it what ,dom ,guranger has done for 
the liturgy4  ,moreover1 beyond the     
authenticity of the vocal text1 and the 
manner of rendering it1 there are still 
two essential conditions for restoring  
the special life of these melodies1 and 

they are hardly found except in         
cloisters1 first ,faith1 and next the   
understanding the meaning of the words  
sung4  ,but1 interrupted ,durtal1 ,i do 
not suppose that the ,benedictine nuns  
know ,latin4  ,i beg your pardon1 among 
the nuns of ,saint ,benedict1 and even  
among the cloistered sisters of other   
,orders there are a certain number who  
study the language enough to understand 
the ,breviary and the ,psalms4 ,that is 
a serious advantage which they have over
 the choirs1 composed for the most part 
of artisans without instruction and     
without piety1 only simple workers with 
their voices4  ,now without wishing to  
abate your enthusiasm for the musical   
honesty of these nuns1 ,i am bound to   
say1 that in order to understand this   
magnificent chant in its height and     
breadth1 you must hear it1 not winnowed 
by the mouths of virgins1 even if       
unsexed1 but as it issues1 unsmoothed1  
untrimmed from the lips of men4         
,unfortunately1 though there are at     

,paris1 in the ,rue ,monsieur and the   
,rue ,tournefort1 two communities of    
,benedictine nuns1 there is not on the  
other hand a single monastery of        
,benedictine monks4  ,at the ,rue       
,monsieur do they absolutely follow the 
rule of ,saint ,benedict8  ,yes2 but    
over and above the usual vows of        
poverty1 chastity1 remaining in the     
cloister1 obedience1 they make a further
 vow of separation and adoration of the 
,blessed ,sacrament1 as formulated by   
,saint ,mechtilde4  ,and so they lead   
the most austere existence of any nuns4 
,they scarcely taste flesh2 they rise at
 two in the morning to sing ,matins and 
,lauds1 night and day1 summer and       
winter1 they take turns before the taper
 of reparation1 and before the altar4   
,it need not be said1 continued the abb 
after a pause1 that woman is stronger   
and braver than man2 no male ascetic    
could live and lead such a life1        
especially in the enervating atmosphere 
of ,paris4  ,what perhaps astounds me   

still more1 said ,durtal1 is the kind of
 obedience exacted of them4 ,how can a  
creature endowed with free will         
annihilate herself to such an extent8   
,oh1 said the abb1 the obedience is the 
same in all the great ,orders1 absolute1
 without reserve2 its formula is well   
summed up by ,saint ,augustine4 ,listen 
to this sentence which ,i remember to   
have read in a commentary on his rule3  
',we must enter into the feelings of a  
beast of burthen1 and allow ourselves to
 be led like a horse or a mule1 which   
have no understanding2 or rather1 that  
obedience may be still more perfect1    
since these animals kick against the    
spur1 we must be in the hands of a      
superior like a block1 or the stock of a
 tree1 which has neither life1 nor      
movement1 nor action1 nor will1 nor     
judgment4' ,is that clear8  ,it is most 
frightful6 ,i quite admit1 said ,durtal1
 that in exchange for such abnegation1  
the nuns must be powerfully aided from  
on high1 but are there not some moments 

of falling away1 some cases of despair1 
some instants in which they pine for a  
natural life in the open air1 in which  
they lament that death in life which    
they have made for themselves2 are there
 not days in which their senses wake and
 cry aloud8  ,no doubt2 in the          
cloistered life the age of twenty-nine  
is terrible to pass1 then a passionate  
crisis arises2 if a woman doubles that  
cape1 and she almost always does so1 she
 is safe4  ,but carnal emotions are not1
 to speak correctly1 the most           
troublesome assault they have to        
undergo4 ,the real punishment they      
endure in those hours of sorrow is the  
ardent1 wild regret for that maternity  
of which they are ignorant2 the desolate
 womb of woman revolts1 and full of ,god
 though she be1 her heart is breaking4  
,the child ,jesus whom they have loved  
so well then appears so far off and so  
inaccessible1 and ,his very sight would 
hardly satisfy them1 for they have      
dreamed of holding ,him in their arms1  

of swathing and rocking ,him1 of giving 
,him suck1 in one word1 of being        
mothers4  ,other nuns undergo no precise
 attack1 no assault to which a name can 
be given1 but without any definite      
reason they languish and die suddenly1  
like a taper1 blown out4 ,the torpor of 
the cloister kills them4  ,but indeed1  
,monsieur l'abb1 these details are far  
from encouraging4  ,the priest shrugged 
his shoulders4 ,it is the poor reverse  
of a splendid stuff1 he said1 wonderful 
recompenses are granted1 even in this   
world1 to souls in convents4  ,nor do ,i
 suppose that if a nun fall1 stricken in
 the flesh1 she is abandoned4 ,what does
 the ,mother abbess in such a case8     
,she acts according to the bodily       
temperament and state of the soul of the
 sick person4 ,note that she has been   
able to follow her during the years of  
her probation1 that she has necessarily 
gained an influence over her2 at such   
times therefore she will watch her      
daughter very closely1 endeavour to turn

 the course of her ideas1 breaking her  
by hard work1 and by occupying her mind2
 she must not leave her alone1 must     
diminish her prayers1 if need be1       
restrict her hours of office1 lessen her
 fasts1 give her1 if the case demands   
it1 better food4 ,in other cases1 on the
 contrary1 she will have recourse to    
more frequent communions1 lessen her    
food or cause her to be blooded1 mix    
cooling meats with her diet1 and above  
all things she and all the community    
must pray for her4  ,an old ,benedictine
 abbess1 whom ,i knew at ,saint-,omer1  
an incomparable guide of souls1 limited 
before all things the length of         
confessions4 ,the moment she saw the    
least symptoms arise she gave two       
minutes1 watch in hand1 to the penitent1
 and when the time was up she sent her  
back from the confessional1 to mix with 
her companions4  ,why so8  ,because in  
convents1 even for souls which are well1
 confession is a most dangerous         
relaxation1 it is as it were too long   

and too warm a bath4 ,in it nuns go to  
excess1 open their hearts uselessly1    
dwell upon their troubles1 accentuate   
them1 and revel in them2 they come out  
more weakened and more ill than before4 
,two minutes ought indeed to be enough  
for a nun in which to tell her little   
sins4  ,yet 444 yet 444 ,i must admit   
it1 the confessor is a danger for a     
convent1 not that ,i suspect his honour1
 that is not at all what ,i mean1 but as
 he is generally chosen from among the  
bishop's favourites1 there are many     
chances that he may be a man who knows  
nothing1 and quite ignorant of how to   
deal with such souls1 ends by unsettling
 them while he consoles them4 ,again1 if
 demoniac attacks1 so common in         
nunneries1 occur1 the poor man can only 
gape1 gives all sorts of confused       
counsel1 and hinders the energy of the  
abbess1 who in such matters knows far   
better than he4  ,and1 said ,durtal1 who
 chose his words carefully1 tell me1 ,i 
suppose that tales like those which     

,diderot gives in his foolish volume    
',la ,religieuse' are incorrect8        
,unless a community is rotted by a      
superior given over to ,satanism1 which1
 thank ,god1 is rare1 the filthy stories
 told by that writer are false1 and     
there is moreover a good reason why it  
should be so1 for there is a sin which  
is the very antidote of the other1 the  
sin of zeal4  ,what8  ,yes3 the sin of  
zeal which causes the denunciation of   
our neighbour1 gives scope to jealousy1 
creates spying to satisfy hate1 that is 
the real sin of the cloister4 ,well1 ,i 
assure you that if two sisters became   
quite shameless they would be denounced 
at once4  ,but ,i thought1 ,monsieur    
l',abb1 that tale-bearing was allowed by
 the rules of most orders8  ,it is1 but 
perhaps there is a temptation to carry  
it somewhat to excess1 especially in    
convents of women2 for you can imagine  
that if nunneries contain pure mystics1 
real saints1 they have in them also some
 nuns less advanced in the way of       

perfection1 and who even still retain   
some faults4444  ,come1 since we are in 
the chapter of minute details1 dare ,i  
ask if cleanliness is not just a little 
neglected by these good women8  ,i      
cannot say2 all that ,i know is1 that in
 the ,benedictine abbeys ,i have known1 
each nun was free to act as seemed good 
to her2 in certain ,augustinian         
constitutions1 the case was provided for
 in contrary fashion1 it was forbidden  
to wash the body1 except once a month4  
,on the other hand1 amongst the         
,carmelites cleanliness is exacted4     
,saint ,teresa hated dirt1 and loved    
white linen1 her daughters have even1 ,i
 think1 a right to have a flask of ,eau 
de ,cologne in their cells4 ,you see    
this depends on the order1 and probably 
also1 when the rule does not expressly  
mention it1 on the ideas which the      
superior may have on the subject4 ,i    
will add that this question must not be 
looked at only from the worldly point of
 view1 for corporal dirt is for certain 

souls an additional suffering and       
mortification which they impose on      
themselves1 as ,benedict ,labre4  ,he   
who picked up vermin which left him1 and
 put them piously in his sleeve4 ,i     
prefer mortifications of another kind4  
,there are harder ones1 believe me1 and 
,i think they would suit you better4    
,would you like to imitate ,suso1 who1  
to subdue his passions1 bore on his     
naked shoulders1 for eighteen years1 an 
enormous cross set with nails1 whose    
points pierced his flesh8 ,more than    
that1 he imprisoned his hands in leather
 gloves which also bristled with nails1 
lest he should be tempted to dress his  
wounds4 ,saint ,rose of ,lima treated   
herself no better1 she bound a chain so 
tightly round her body that it          
penetrated the skin1 and hid itself     
under the bleeding pad of flesh1 she    
wore also a horsehair girdle set with   
pins1 and lay on shards of glass2 but   
all these trials are nothing in         
comparison of those inflicted on herself

 by a ,capuchin nun1 the venerable      
,mother ,paside of ,siena4  ,she        
scourged herself with branches of       
juniper and holly1 then poured vinegar  
into her wounds1 and sprinkled them with
 salt1 she slept in winter on the snow1 
in summer on bunches of nettles1 or     
pebbles1 or brushes1 put drops of hot   
lead in her shoes1 knelt upon thistles1 
thorns and sticks4 ,in ,january she     
broke the ice in a cask and plunged into
 it1 and she even half-stifled herself  
by hanging head downwards in a chimney  
in which damp straw was lighted1 but    
that is enough2 indeed1 said the abb    
laughing1 if you had to choose1 you     
would like best the mortifications which
 ,benedict ,labre imposed on himself4   
,i would rather have none at all1       
answered ,durtal4  ,there was a moment's
 pause4  ,durtal's thoughts went back to
 the ,benedictine nuns3 ,but1 said he1  
why do they put in the ',semaine        
religieuse1' after their title          
,benedictine ,nuns of the ,blessed      

,sacrament1 this further name1 ',convent
 of ,saint ,louis du ,temple8'          
,because1 said the abb1 their first     
convent was founded on the actual ruins 
of the ,temple prison1 given them by    
royal warrant1 when ,louis ,,xviii4     
returned to ,france4  ,their foundress  
and superior was ,louise ,adlade de     
,bourbon ,cond1 an unfortunate princess 
of many wanderings1 almost the whole of 
whose life was spent in exile4 ,expelled
 from ,france by the ,revolution and the
 ,empire1 hunted in almost every country
 in ,europe1 she wandered by chance     
among convents seeking shelter1 now     
among the nuns of the ,annunciation at  
,turin and the ,capuchins in ,piedmont1 
now among the ,trappistines in          
,switzerland and the ,sisters of the    
,visitation at ,vienna1 now among the   
,benedictines of ,lithuania and ,poland4
 ,at last she found shelter among the   
,benedictines in ,norfolk1 till she     
could again enter ,france4  ,she was a  
woman singularly trained in monastic    

science and experienced in the direction
 of souls4  ,she desired that in her    
abbey every sister should offer herself 
to heaven in reparation for crimes      
committed2 and that she should accept   
the most painful privations to make up  
for those which might be committed2 she 
instituted there the perpetual          
adoration1 and introduced the plain     
chant1 in all its purity1 to the        
exclusion of all others4  ,it is1 as you
 have been able to hear1 there preserved
 intact2 it is true that since her time1
 her nuns have had lessons from ,dom    
,schmitt1 one of the most learned monks 
in that matter4  ,then1 after the death 
of the princess1 which took place1 ,i   
think1 in #ahbd1 it was perceived that  
her body exhaled the odour of sanctity1 
and though she has not been canonized   
her intercession is invoked by her      
daughters in certain cases4 ,thus1 for  
example1 the ,benedictine nuns of the   
,rue ,monsieur ask her assistance when  
they lose anything1 and their experience

 shows that their prayer is never in    
vain1 since the object lost is found    
almost at once4  ,but1 continued the    
abb1 since you like the convent so well1
 go there1 especially when it is lighted
 up4  ,the priest rose and took up a    
,semaine religieuse1 which lay upon the 
table4  ,he turned over the leaves4     
,see1 he said1 and read1 ',sunday #c    
o'clock1 ,vespers chanted2 ceremony of  
clothing1 presided over by the ,very    
,reverend ,father ,dom ,etienne1 abbot  
of the ,grande ,trappe1 and             
,benediction4'  ,that is a ceremony     
which interests me much4  ,i too shall  
probably be there4  ,then we can meet in
 the chapel8  ,just so4  ,these         
ceremonies of clothing have not now the 
gaiety they had in the eighteenth       
century in certain ,benedictine         
institutions1 amongst others the ,abbey 
de ,bourbourg in ,flanders1 said the abb
 smiling1 after a silence4  ,and since  
,durtal looked at him questioningly--   
,yes1 there was no sadness about it1 or 

at least it had a special sadness of its
 own2 you shall judge4 ,on the eve of   
the day that the postulant was to take  
the habit1 she was presented to the     
abbess of ,bourbourg by the governor of 
the town4 ,bread and wine were offered  
to her1 and she tasted them in the      
church itself4 ,on the morrow she       
appeared1 magnificently dressed1 at a   
ball which was attended by the whole    
community of nuns1 where she danced1    
then she asked her parents' blessing1   
and was conducted1 with violins playing1
 to the chapel1 where the abbess took   
possession of her4 ,she had for the last
 time seen1 at the ball1 the joys of the
 world1 for she was immediately shut up1
 for the rest of her days in the        
cloister4  ,the joy of the ,dance of    
,death1 said ,durtal1 monastic customs  
and congregations were strange in old   
days4  ,no doubt1 but they are lost in  
the night of time4 ,i remember1 however1
 that in the fifteenth century there    
existed under the rule of ,saint        

,augustine an order strange indeed1     
called the ,order of the ,daughters of  
,saint ,magloire1 whose convent was in  
the ,rue ,saint ,denys at ,paris4 ,the  
conditions of admission were the reverse
 of those of all other charters4 ,the   
postulant had to swear on the holy      
,gospels that she had been unchaste1 and
 no one believed her oath2 she was      
examined1 and if her oath were false1   
she was declared unworthy to be         
received4 ,nor might she have brought   
about this condition expressly in order 
to enter the convent1 she must have well
 and truly given herself over to sin1   
before she came to ask the shelter of   
the cloister4  ,they were in fact a     
troop of penitent girls1 and the rule of
 their subjection was savage4 ,they were
 whipped1 locked up1 subjected to the   
most rigid fasts1 made their confessions
 thrice in the week1 rose at midnight1  
were under the most unremitting         
surveillance1 were even attended in     
their most secret retirement2 their     

mortifications were incessant and their 
closure absolute4 ,i need hardly add    
that this nunnery is dead4  ,nor likely 
to revive1 cried ,durtal4 ,well then1   
,monsieur l',abb1 we meet on ,sunday in 
the ,rue ,monsieur8  ,and on the assent 
of the abb1 ,durtal went his way1 with  
the strangest ideas in his head about   
the monastic orders4 ,the thing would   
be1 he thought1 to found an abbey where 
one could work at ease in a good        
library1 there should be several monks1 
with decent meals1 plenty of tobacco1   
and permission to take a turn on the    
quays now and then4 ,and he laughed2 but
 then that would not be a monastery6 or 
only a ,dominican monastery1 with monks 
who dine out1 and have1 at least1 the   
amusement of preaching4     ,,chapter   
,,viii4   ,on ,sunday morning1 on his   
way to the ,rue ,monsieur1 ,durtal      
chewed the cud of his reflections on the
 ,monasteries4 ,it is certain1 he       
thought1 that in the accumulated filth  
of ages1 they alone have remained clean1

 are truly in relation with heaven1 and 
serve as interpreters between it and    
earth4 ,but we must thoroughly          
understand and specify that we are      
speaking only of the cloistered orders1 
which have remained1 as far as possible1
 poor4444  ,and thinking of the         
communities of women1 he murmured as he 
hastened his steps3 ,here is a          
surprising fact1 which proves once more1
 the incomparable genius with which the 
,church is endowed2 she has been able to
 bring into common life women who do not
 assassinate each other1 and obey       
without recalcitrancy the orders of     
another woman--wonderful6  ,well1 here  
,i am--and ,durtal1 who knew he was     
late1 hastened into the court of the    
,benedictine nunnery1 took the steps of 
the little church four at a time1 and   
pushed the door open4 ,he paused in     
hesitation on the threshold1 dazzled by 
the blaze of the lighted chapel4 ,lamps 
were lit everywhere1 and overhead the   
altar flamed with a forest of tapers    

against which stood out as on a gold    
ground1 the ruddy face of a bishop all  
in white4  ,durtal glided among the     
crowd1 elbowing his way till he saw the 
,abb ,gvresin beckoning to him4 ,he     
joined him1 and sat down on the chair   
the priest had kept for him1 and        
examined the abbot of ,grande ,trappe1  
surrounded by priests in chasubles1 and 
choir boys some in red and others in    
blue1 followed by a ,trappist with      
shaven crown1 surrounded by a fringe of 
hair1 holding a wooden cross1 on the    
reverse of which was carved the small   
figure of a monk4  ,clad in a white     
cowl1 with long sleeves and a gold      
button on his hood1 his abbot's cross on
 his breast1 his head covered with an   
old ,french mitre of low form1 ,dom     
,etienne1 with his broad shoulders1 his 
greyish beard1 his ruddy colour1 had a  
look of an old ,burgundian1 tanned by   
the sun while working at his vines2 he  
seemed1 moreover1 a good sort of man1   
uneasy under his mitre1 oppressed by his

 honours4  ,a sharp perfume which burnt 
the nose as a spice burns the tongue1   
the perfume of myrrh1 floated in the    
air1 the crowds surged2 behind the      
grating from which the curtain was      
withdrawn1 the nuns standing sang the   
hymn of ,saint ,ambrose1 ,jesu corona   
virginum1 while the bells of the abbey  
rang a peal2 in the short aisle leading 
from the porch to the choir1 a bending  
line of women on either side1 a         
cross-bearer and torch-bearers entered1 
and behind them appeared the novice     
dressed as a bride4  ,she was dark1     
slight1 and very short1 and came forward
 shyly with downcast eyes1 between her  
mother and sister4 ,at first sight      
,durtal thought her insignificant1      
scarcely pretty1 a mere nobody2 and he  
looked instinctively for the other      
party1 put out in his sense of fitness1 
by the absence of a man in the marriage 
procession4  ,striving against her      
agitation the postulant walked up the   
nave into the choir1 and knelt on the   

left before a large taper1 her mother   
and sister on either side as            
bridesmaids4  ,dom ,etienne genuflected 
to the altar1 mounted the steps1 and sat
 down in a red velvet arm-chair1 placed 
on the highest step4  ,then one of the  
priests conducted the girl1 who knelt   
alone1 before the monk4  ,dom ,etienne  
was motionless as a figure of ,buddha2  
with the same gesture1 he lifted one    
finger1 and said gently to the novice1--
  ,what is it you ask8  ,she spoke so   
low as scarcely to be heard4  ,father1  
feeling in myself an ardent desire to   
sacrifice myself to ,god1 as a victim in
 union with our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1   
immolated on our altars1 and to spend my
 life in perpetual adoration of ,his    
divine ,sacrament1 under the observance 
of the rule of our glorious ,father     
,saint ,benedict1 ,i humbly ask of you  
the grace of the holy habit4  ,i will   
give it you willingly if you believe you
 can conform your life to that of a     
victim devoted to the ,holy ,sacrament4 

,and she answered in a firmer tone1  ,i 
trust so1 leaning on the infinite       
goodness of my ,saviour ,jesus ,christ4 
,god give you perseverance1 my daughter1
 said the prelate2 he rose1 turned to   
the altar1 genuflected1 and with        
uncovered head began the chant ,veni    
,creator1 taken up by the voices of the 
nuns behind the light screen of iron4   
,then he replaced his mitre1 and prayed1
 while the chanted psalms rose under the
 arches4 ,the novice1 who in the        
meantime had been reconducted to her    
place at the prie-,dieu1 rose1          
genuflected to the altar1 and then knelt
 between her two bridesmaids before the 
abbot of ,la ,trappe1 who had reseated  
himself4  ,her two companions lifted the
 veil of the bride1 took off her wreath 
of orange flowers1 unrolled the coils of
 her hair1 while a priest spread a      
napkin on the knees of the prelate1 and 
the deacon presented a pair of long     
scissors on a salver4  ,then before the 
gesture of this monk1 making himself    

ready1 like an executioner1 to shear the
 condemned person1 whose hour of        
expiation was at hand1 the terrible     
beauty of innocence becoming like crime1
 in substitution for sins of which she  
was ignorant1 which she could not even  
understand1 was evident to the public   
who had come to the chapel out of       
curiosity1 and in consternation at the  
superhuman denial of justice1 it        
trembled when the bishop seized the     
entire handful of her hair1 and drew it 
towards him over her brow4  ,then there 
was as it were a flash of steel in a    
dark shower4  ,in the death-like silence
 of the church the grinding of the      
scissors was heard in the mass of hair  
which fell under the blades1 and then   
all was silent4 ,dom ,etienne opened his
 hand1 and the rain fell on his knees in
 long black threads4  ,there was a sigh 
of relief when the priests and          
bridesmaids led away the bride1 looking 
strange in her train1 with her head     
discrowned and her neck bare4  ,the     

procession returned almost immediately4 
,there was no longer a bride in a white 
skirt1 but a nun in a black robe4  ,she 
bowed before the ,trappist1 and again   
knelt between her mother and sister4    
,then1 while the abbot prayed the ,lord 
to bless his handmaid1 the master of the
 ceremonies and the deacon took1 from a 
credence near the altar1 a basket1      
wherein under loose rose leaves were    
folded a girdle of untanned leather1    
emblem of the end of that luxury which  
the ,fathers of the ,church placed in   
the region of the reins1 a scapular1    
symbol of a life crucified to the world1
 a veil1 which signifies the solitude of
 the life hidden in ,god1 and the       
prelate explained the sense of these    
emblems to the novice1 then taking the  
lighted taper from the candlestick      
before her1 he gave it to her1 declaring
 in one phrase the meaning of his       
action3 ,accipe1 charissima soror1 lumen
 ,christi4  ,then ,dom ,etienne took the
 sprinkler which a priest handed him    

with an inclination1 and as in the      
general absolution of the dead1 he      
sprinkled the girl with holy water in   
the form of a cross1 then he sat down   
and spoke gently and quietly without    
using a single gesture4  ,he spoke to   
the postulant alone1 praising the august
 and humble life of the cloister4 ,look 
not back1 he said1 have no regrets1 for 
by my voice ,jesus repeats to you the   
promise once made to the ,magdalen1     
'yours is the better part1 which shall  
not be taken away from you4' ,say also  
to yourself1 my daughter1 that1         
henceforward1 taken away from the       
eternal trifling of labours in vain1 you
 will accomplish a useful work upon     
earth1 you will practise charity in its 
highest form1 you will make expiation   
for others1 you will pray for those who 
never pray1 you will aid1 so far as your
 strength permits1 to make amends for   
the hate the world bears to the         
,saviour4  ,suffer and you will be      
happy2 love your spouse1 and you will   

see how tender ,he is to ,his elect4    
,believe me1 ,his love is such that ,he 
will not even wait till you are purified
 by death to recompense you for your    
miserable mortifications1 your poor     
sufferings4 ,even before your hour is   
come1 ,he will heap ,his graces upon    
you1 and you will beg ,him to let you   
die1 so greatly will the excess of these
 joys exceed your strength4  ,little by 
little the old monk grew warm1 and      
returned to the words of ,christ to the 
,magdalen1 showing how in reference to  
her ,jesus set forward the excellence of
 the contemplative over the other       
,orders1 and gave brief advice1 dwelling
 on the necessity of humility and       
poverty1 which are1 as ,saint ,clare    
says1 the two great walls of cloistered 
life4 ,then he blessed the novice1 who  
kissed his hand1 and when she had       
returned to her place1 he prayed to the 
,lord1 lifting his eyes to heaven1 that 
,he would accept this nun1 who offered  
herself as a victim for the sins of the 

world4 ,then1 standing1 he intoned the  
,te ,deum4  ,every one rose1 and        
preceded by the cross and torch bearers1
 the procession passed out of the       
church1 and was massed in the court4    
,then ,durtal might have believed       
himself carried back far from ,paris1   
into the heart of the ,middle ,ages4    
,the court1 surrounded by buildings1 was
 closed opposite the entrance-gate by a 
high wall1 in the midst of which was a  
folding-door2 on each side six thin     
pines rocked to and fro1 and chanting   
was heard behind the wall4  ,the        
postulant1 in front1 alone1 near the    
closed door1 held her torch1 with her   
head bent4 ,the abbot of ,la ,trappe1   
leaning on his crosier1 waited1         
unmoving1 a few paces from her4  ,durtal
 examined their faces1 the girl1 so     
commonplace in her bridal costume1 had  
become charming1 her body was now full  
of a timid grace1 the lines1 somewhat   
too marked under her worldly dress1 were
 softened1 under her religious shroud   

her outline was only a simple sketch1 it
 was as though the years had rolled     
back1 and as though there was a return  
to the forms only prophesied in         
childhood4  ,durtal drew near to examine
 her better1 he tried to look at her    
face1 but under the chill bandage of her
 head-dress1 she remained mute1 and as  
if absent from life1 with her eyes      
closed1 and as though she lived only in 
the smile of her happy lips4  ,seen     
nearer1 the monk who had seemed so stout
 and ruddy in the chapel1 seemed also   
changed1 his frame remained robust1 and 
his complexion bright1 but his eyes of a
 light blue1 like chalk water1 water    
without reflections or waves1 eyes      
wonderfully pure1 changed the common    
expression of his features1 and took    
away from him that look of a            
vine-dresser which he had at a distance4
  ,it is clear1 thought ,durtal1 that   
the soul is everything in these people1 
and their faces are modelled by it4     
,there is a holy clearness in their     

eyes1 and their lips1 in those only     
apertures through which the soul comes  
to look out of the body1 and almost     
shows itself4  ,the chants behind the   
wall suddenly ceased1 the girl made a   
step forward1 and knocked with her      
closed fingers at the door1 and then    
with a failing voice she sang1--        
,aperite mihi portas justitiae3         
,ingressa in eas1 confitebor ,domino4   
,the door opened4 ,another large court1 
paved with pebbles was seen1 bounded at 
the end by a building1 and all the      
community1 in a sort of semicircle1 with
 black books in their hands1 cried1--   
,haec porta ,domini3 ,justi intrabunt in
 eam4  ,the novice made another step to 
the sill and answered in her far-away   
voice1--  ,ingrediar in locum           
tabernaculi admirabilis3 usque ad domum 
,dei4  ,and the choir of nuns1 unmoving1
 answered1--  ,haec est domus ,domini   
firmiter aedificata3 ,bene fundata est  
supra firmam petram4  ,durtal hastily   
looked at those faces which could only  

be seen for a few minutes and on the    
occasion of such a ceremony4 ,it was a  
row of dead bodies standing in black    
shrouds4 ,all were bloodless1 with white
 cheeks1 lilac eyelids and grey lips1   
the voices of all were exhausted and    
fined down by prayer1 and most of them1 
even the young1 were bent4 ,their poor  
bodies are worn with austere fatigue1   
thought ,durtal4  ,but his reflections  
were cut short1 the bride1 now kneeling 
on the threshold1 turned to ,dom        
,etienne and chanted in a low voice1--  
,haec requies mea in saeculum saeculi3  
,hic habitabo quoniam elegi eam4  ,the  
monk laid aside his mitre and crosier   
and said1--  ,confirma hoc ,deus1 quod  
operatus es in nobis4  ,and the         
postulant murmured1--  ,a templo sacro  
tuo quod est in ,jerusalem4  ,then      
before re-covering his head and resuming
 his crosier1 the prelate prayed ,god   
,almighty to pour the dew of ,his       
blessing on ,his handmaid2 then         
directing the girl towards a nun who    

left the group of sisters and advanced  
to the threshold1 he said to her1--     
,into your hands1 ,madame1 we commit    
this new bride of the ,lord1 sustain her
 in the holy resolution she has so      
solemnly taken upon her1 in asking to   
sacrifice herself to ,god as a victim1  
and to dedicate her life in honour of   
our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 sacrificed on 
our altars4 ,lead her in the way of the 
divine ,commandments1 in the practice of
 the counsels of the ,holy ,gospel1 and 
in the observance of the monastic rule4 
,prepare her for the eternal union to   
which the heavenly ,spouse invites her1 
and from this blessed increase of the   
flock committed to your charge draw a   
new motive for maternal care4 ,the peace
 of the ,lord rest upon you4  ,this was 
all3 the nuns one by one turned and     
disappeared behind the wall1 while the  
girl followed them like a poor dog1 who 
with drooping head accompanies at a     
distance a new master4  ,the folding    
doors closed4  ,durtal remained         

stupefied1 looking at the outline of the
 white bishop1 the backs of the priests 
who were mounting the steps to give     
,benediction in the church1 while behind
 them came in tears1 their faces in     
their handkerchiefs1 the mother and     
sister of the novice4  ,well8 said the  
abb1 passing his arm through ,durtal's4 
,well1 this scene is to my mind the most
 touching alibi of death that it is     
possible to see1 this living woman1 who 
buries herself in the most frightful of 
tombs--for in it the flesh continues to 
suffer--is wonderful4  ,i remember that 
you have yourself told me of the        
pressure of this observance1 and ,i     
shivered in thinking of perpetual       
,adoration1 in those winter nights1 when
 a child like this is awakened out of   
her first sleep1 and cast into the      
darkness of a chapel where unless she   
faints from weakness or terror1 she must
 pray alone1 through the freezing hours 
on her knees on the pavement4  ,what    
passes in that conversation with the    

unknown1 that interview with the        
,shadow8 ,does she succeed in escaping  
from self1 and in leaving the earth1 in 
gaining1 on the threshold of ,eternity1 
the inconceivable ,spouse1 or does the  
soul1 powerless to spring on high1      
remain riveted to the soil8  ,we figure 
her to ourselves1 her face bent forward1
 her hands joined1 making appeal to     
herself1 concentrating herself1 in order
 to pour herself forth the better1 and  
we imagine her thus sickly1 with no     
strength left1 trying to set her soul on
 fire in a shivering frame4 ,but who can
 tell if on certain nights she attains  
to it8  ,ah6 those poor lamps of        
exhausted oil1 of flames almost dead1   
which tremble in the obscurity of the   
sanctuary1 what will ,god make of them8 
,then there was the family present at   
the taking the habit1 and if the        
daughter filled me with enthusiasm ,i   
could not restrain myself from pitying  
the mother4 ,think if the daughter died1
 the mother would embrace her1 would    

perhaps speak to her1 or if she did not 
recognize her1 it would at least not be 
with her own good will2 but in this case
 it is not the body1 but the very soul  
of her child that dies before her eyes4 
,of her own accord her child knows her  
no longer1 it is the contemptuous end of
 an affection4 ,you will admit that for 
a mother this is very hard4  ,yes1 but  
this so-called ingratitude1 gained at   
the price of ,god knows what struggles1 
is it not1 even apart from the divine   
vocation1 the most equitable repartition
 of human love8 ,think that this elect  
creature becomes the scapegoat of sins  
committed1 and like a lamentable        
daughter of ,danaus she will unceasingly
 pour the offering of her mortifications
 and prayers1 of her vigils and         
fastings1 into the bottomless vessel of 
offences and crimes4 ,ah6 if you knew   
what it was to repair the sins of the   
world4 ,in regard to this ,i remember   
that one day the abbess of the          
,benedictines in the ,rue ,tournefort   

said to me3 ',since our tears are not   
holy enough1 nor our souls pure enough1 
,god makes trial of us in our bodies4'  
,here are long illnesses which cannot be
 cured1 illnesses which doctors fail to 
understand1 and we make thus much       
expiation for others4  ,but if you will 
think over the ceremony which is just   
ended1 you need not be affected beyond  
measure or compare it to the well-known 
ceremonies of a funeral2 the postulant  
whom you saw has not yet pronounced her 
final vows1 she can if she choose leave 
the convent1 and return to her own home4
 ,at present she is in regard to her    
mother1 a child in a foreign country1 a 
child at school1 but she is not a dead  
child4  ,you may say what you please1   
but there is a tragedy in that door     
which closed upon her4  ,therefore in   
the ,benedictine convent in the ,rue    
,tournefort1 the scene takes place in   
the interior of the convent1 and the    
family is not present1 the mother is    
spared1 but mitigated thus1 the ceremony

 is but a mere form1 almost a foolish   
rule in the seclusion wherein the ,faith
 is hidden4  ,those nuns are also       
,benedictines of the perpetual          
,adoration1 are they not8  ,yes1 do you 
know their convent8  ,and as ,durtal    
shook his head1 the abb continued1--    
,it is older1 but less interesting than 
that in the ,rue ,monsieur1 the chapel  
is mean1 full of plaster statuettes1    
cotton flowers1 bunches of grapes and   
ears of corn in gold paper1 but the old 
building of the nunnery is curious4 ,it 
contains1 what shall ,i call it8 a      
school dining-room1 and a retreatant's  
drawing-room1 and so gives at once the  
impression of old age and childhood4  ,i
 know that class of convents1 said      
,durtal4 ,i used often to see one1 when 
,i used to visit an old aunt at         
,versailles4 ,it always used to impress 
me as a ,maison ,vauquer1 brought to    
devotional uses1 it had the air at once 
of a table d'hte in the ,rue de la ,clef
 and the sacristy of a country church4  

,just so1 and the abb went on with a    
smile1--  ,i had many interviews with   
the abbess in the ,rue ,tournefort2 you 
guess at rather than see her1 for you   
are separated from her by a screen of   
black wood1 behind which is stretched a 
black curtain which she draws aside4  ,i
 can see it1 thought ,durtal1 who1      
remembering the ,benedictine custom1 saw
 in a second a little face confused in  
neutral tinted light1 and lower1 at the 
top of her habit1 the gleam of a medal  
of the ,blessed ,sacrament in red       
enamelled in white4  ,he laughed and    
said to the abb1--  ,i laugh1 because   
having had some business to transact    
with my nun aunt of whom ,i was         
speaking1 only visible like your abbess 
through a trellis1 ,i found out how to  
read her thoughts a little4  ,ah6 how   
was that8  ,in this way4 ,since ,i could
 not see her face1 which was hidden     
behind the lattice of her cage1 and     
disappeared behind her veil1 and if she 
should answer me1 having nothing to     

guide me but the inflexions of her      
voice1 always circumspect and always    
calm1 ,i ended by trusting only to her  
great glasses1 round1 with buff frames1 
which almost all nuns wear4 ,well1 all  
the repressed vivacity of this woman    
burst out there2 suddenly in a corner of
 her glasses1 there was a glimmer1 and  
,i then understood that her eye had     
lighted up1 and gave the lie to the     
indifference of her voice1 the          
determined quietness of her tone4  ,the 
abb in his turn began to laugh4  ,do you
 know the ,superior of the              
,benedictines1 in the ,rue ,monsieur8   
said ,durtal4  ,i have spoken with her  
once or twice2 there the parlour is     
monastic1 there is not the provincial   
and middle-class side of the ,rue       
,tournefort1 it is composed of a sombre 
room1 of which all the breadth at the   
end is taken up by an iron grating1 and 
behind the grating are again wooden     
bars1 and a shutter painted black4 ,you 
are quite in the dark1 and the abbess1  

scarcely in the light1 appears to you   
like a phantom4  ,the abbess is1 ,i     
suppose1 the nun1 elderly1 fragile and  
very short1 to whom ,dom ,etienne       
committed the novice8  ,yes4 ,she is a  
remarkable shepherdess of souls1 and    
what is more1 a very well educated woman
 of most distinguished manners4  ,oh1   
thought ,durtal3 ,i can imagine that    
these abbesses are charming1 but also   
terrible women4 ,saint ,teresa was      
goodness itself1 but when she speaks in 
her ',way of ,perfection' of nuns who   
band themselves together to discuss the 
will of their mother1 she shows herself 
inexorable1 for she declares that       
perpetual imprisonment should be        
inflicted on them as soon as possible   
and without flinching1 and in fact she  
is right1 for every disorderly sister   
infects the flock1 and gives the rot to 
souls4  ,thus talking they had reached  
the end of the ,rue de ,svres1 and the  
abb stopped to rest4  ,ah1 he said1 as  
if speaking to himself1 had ,i not had  

all my life heavy expenses1 first a     
brother1 then nephews to maintain1 ,i   
should many years ago have become a     
member of ,saint ,benedict's family4 ,i 
have always had an attraction towards   
that grand ,order1 which is1 in fact1   
the intellectual ,order of the ,church4 
,therefore1 when ,i was stronger and    
younger1 ,i always went for my retreats 
to one of their monasteries1 sometimes  
to the black monks of ,solesmes1 or of  
,ligug1 who have preserved the wise     
traditions of ,saint ,maurus1 sometimes 
to the ,cistercians1 or the white monks 
of ,la ,trappe4  ,true1 said ,durtal1   
,la ,trappe is one of the great branches
 of the tree of ,saint ,benedict1 but   
how is it that its ordinances do not    
differ from those which the ,patriarch  
left8  ,that is to say that the         
,trappists interpret the rule of ,saint 
,benedict1 which is very broad and      
supple1 less in its spirit than in its  
letter1 while the ,benedictines do the  
contrary4  ,in fact1 ,la ,trappe is an  

offshoot of ,citeaux1 and is much more  
the daughter of ,saint ,bernard1 who was
 during forty years the very sap of that
 branch1 than the descendant of ,saint  
,benedict4  ,but1 so far as ,i remember1
 the ,trappists are themselves divided1 
and do not live under a uniform         
discipline4  ,they do so now1 since a   
pontifical brief dated ,march #agth1    
#ahic1 sanctioned the decisions of the  
general ,chapter of the ,trappists      
assembled in ,rome1 and ordered the     
fusion into one sole order1 and under   
the direction of a sole superior1 of the
 three observances of the ,trappists1   
who were in fact ruled by discordant    
constitutions4  ,and seeing that ,durtal
 was listening attentively1 the abb     
continued1--  ,among these three        
observances1 one only1 that of the      
,cistercian ,trappists1 to which        
belonged the abbey of which ,i was a    
guest1 followed in their integrity the  
rules of the twelfth century1 and led   
the monastic life of ,saint ,bernard's  

day4 ,this alone recognized the rule of 
,saint ,benedict1 taken in its strictest
 application1 and completed by the      
,charte de ,charit1 and the use and     
customs of ,citeaux2 the two others had 
adopted the same rule1 but revised and  
modified in the seventeenth century by  
the ,abb de ,ranc1 and again one of     
them1 the ,belgian congregation1 had    
changed the statutes imposed by that    
abbot4  ,at the present day1 as ,i have 
just said1 all the ,trappists form only 
one and the same institute under the    
name1 ,order of ,reformed ,cistercians  
of the ,blessed ,virgin ,mary of ,la    
,trappe1 and all resume the rules of    
,citeaux1 and live again the life of the
 cenobites of the ,middle ,ages4  ,but  
if you have visited these ascetics1 said
 ,durtal1 you must know ,dom ,etienne8  
,no1 ,i have never stayed at ,la ,grande
 ,trappe1 ,i prefer the poor and small  
monasteries where one is mixed up with  
the monks1 to those imposing convents   
where they isolate you in a guest-house1

 and in a word keep you separate4       
,there is one in which ,i make my       
retreats1 ,notre ,dame de l',atre1 a    
small ,trappist monastery a few leagues 
from ,paris1 which is quite the most    
seductive of shelters4 ,besides that the
 ,lord really abides there1 for it has  
true saints among its children1 it is   
delightful also with its ponds1 its     
immemorial trees1 its distant solitude1 
far in the woods4  ,yes1 but1 observed  
,durtal1 the life there must be         
unbending1 for ,la ,trappe is the most  
rigid order which has been imposed on   
men4  ,for his only answer the abb let  
go ,durtal's arm1 and took both his     
hands4  ,do you know1 he said1 looking  
him in the face1 it is there you must go
 for your conversion8  ,are you serious1
 ,monsieur l',abb8  ,and as the priest  
pressed his hands more strongly ,durtal 
cried1--  ,ah1 no indeed1 first ,i have 
not the stoutness of soul1 and if that  
be possible ,i have still less the      
bodily health needed for such a course1 

,i should fall ill on my arrival1 and   
then 444 and then4444  ,and then1 what8 
,i am not proposing to you to shut you  
up for ever in a cloister4  ,so ,i      
suppose1 said ,durtal1 in a somewhat    
piqued tone4  ,but just to remain a     
week1 just the necessary time for a     
cure4 ,now a week is soon over1 then do 
you think that if you make such a       
resolution ,god will not sustain you8   
,that is all very fine1 but 444  ,let us
 speak on the health question1 then2 and
 the abb smiled a smile of pity that was
 a little contemptuous4  ,i can promise 
you at once that as a retreatant1 you   
will not be bound to lead the life of a 
,trappist in its austerest sense4 ,you  
need not get up at two in the morning   
for ,matins1 but at three1 or even at   
four o'clock1 according to the day4     
,and smiling at the face ,durtal made1  
the abb went on1--  ,as to your food it 
will be better than that of the monks2  
naturally you will have no fish nor     
meat1 but you may certainly have an egg 

for dinner1 if vegetables are not enough
 for you4  ,and the vegetables1 ,i      
suppose1 are cooked with salt and water1
 and no seasoning8  ,no1 they are       
dressed with salt and water only on     
fasting days2 at other times you will   
have them cooked in milk and water1 or  
in oil4  ,many thanks1 said ,durtal4    
,but all that is excellent for your     
health1 continued the priest1 you       
complain of pains in the stomach1 sick  
headaches1 diarrhoea1 well1 this diet1  
in the country1 in the air1 will cure   
you better than all the drugs you take4 
,now let us leave1 if you like1 your    
body out of the question1 for in such a 
case1 it is ,god's part to act against  
your weakness4 ,i tell you1 you will not
 be ill at ,la ,trappe1 that were       
absurd2 it would be to send the penitent
 sinner away1 and ,jesus would not then 
be the ,christ2 but let us talk of your 
soul4 ,have the courage to take its     
measure1 to look it well in the face4   
,do you see that8 said the abb after a  

silence4  ,durtal did not answer4       
,admit1 said the priest1 that you are   
horrified at it4  ,they took a few steps
 in the street1 and the abb continued1--
  ,you declare that you are sustained by
 the crowds of ,notre ,dame des         
,victoires and the emanations of ,st4   
,severin4 ,what will it be then1 in the 
humble chapel1 when you will be on the  
ground huddled together with the saints8
 ,i guarantee you in the name of the    
,lord an assistance such as you have    
never had2 and he went on with a laugh1 
,i may add that the ,church will take   
pleasure in receiving you1 she will     
bring out her ornaments which she has   
now left off3 the authentic liturgies of
 the ,middle ,ages1 true plain chant1   
without solos or organs4  ,listen1 your 
propositions astound me1 said ,durtal   
with an effort4 ,no3 ,i assure you ,i am
 not at all disposed to imprison myself 
in such a place4 ,i know well that at   
,paris ,i shall never come to any good4 
,i swear to you that ,i am not proud of 

my life1 nor satisfied with my soul1 but
 from thence 444 to 444 where ,i cannot 
tell2 ,i want at least a mitigated      
asylum1 a quiet convent4 ,there must be1
 on those conditions1 somewhere1        
hospitals for souls4  ,i could only send
 you to the ,jesuits1 who make a        
specialty of retreats for men3 but      
knowing you as ,i think ,i know you1 ,i 
feel sure you would not stay there two  
days4 ,you would find yourself among    
amiable and very clever priests1 but    
they would overwhelm you with sermons1  
would wish to interfere with your life1 
mix themselves up with your art1 they   
would examine your thoughts with a      
magnifying glass1 and then you would be 
under treatment with good young people1 
whose unintelligent piety would horrify 
you1 and you would flee in exasperation4
  ,at ,la ,trappe it is the contrary4   
,you would certainly be the sole        
retreatant there1 and no one will have  
the least idea of troubling himself     
about you2 you will be free1 you can if 

you choose leave the monastery just as  
you entered it1 without having confessed
 or approached the ,sacraments1 your    
will will be respected there1 and no    
monk will attempt to sound it without   
your authority4 ,to you only it will    
appertain to decide whether you will be 
converted or no4  ,and you will like me 
to be frank to the last1 will you not8  
,you are1 as indeed ,i have already said
 to you1 a sensitive and distrustful    
man2 well1 the priest as you see him in 
,paris1 even the religious not          
cloistered1 seem to you1 how shall ,i   
express it8 second rate souls1 not to go
 further4444  ,durtal protested vaguely1
 with a gesture4  ,let me go on4 ,an    
afterthought will come to you in regard 
to the ecclesiastic to whom will fall   
the task of cleansing you1 you will be  
quite certain that he is not a saint2   
this is not very theological1 for were  
he even the worst of priests his        
absolution would have just the same     
value1 if you merit it1 but indeed here 

is a question of sentiment which ,i     
respect1 you will think of him in a     
word3 he lives as ,i do1 he is not more 
self-denying than ,i am1 nothing shows  
that his conscience is very superior to 
mine1 and thence to losing all          
confidence1 and throwing up the whole   
thing there is but a step4 ,at ,la      
,trappe1 ,i will defy you to reason in  
this way1 and not to become humble4     
,when you see men1 who after having     
abandoned everything to serve ,god1 lead
 a life of privations and penance such  
as no government would dare to inflict  
on its convicts1 you will indeed be     
obliged to admit that you are no great  
thing by their side4  ,durtal was       
silent4 ,after the astonishment he had  
felt at the suggestion of such an issue1
 he became dully irritated against this 
friend1 who hitherto so discreet1 had   
suddenly rushed upon his soul and opened
 it by force4 ,there came out the       
disgusting vision of an existence       
stripped1 used up1 reduced to a state of

 dust1 a condition of rags4 ,and ,durtal
 shrank from himself1 convinced that the
 abb was right1 that he must at any rate
 stanch the discharge of his senses1 and
 expiate their inappeasable desires1    
their abominable covetousness1 their    
rotten tastes1 and he was seized with a 
terror irrational and intense4 ,he had  
the giddy fear of the cloister1 a terror
 which attracted him to the abyss over  
which ,gvresin made him lean4           
,enervated by the ceremony of taking the
 habit1 stunned by the blow with which  
the priest had assailed him as they left
 the church1 he now felt an anguish     
almost physical1 in which everything    
ended in confusion4 ,he did not know to 
what reflections he should give himself1
 and only saw1 swimming on this         
whirlpool of troubled ideas1 one clear  
thought1 that the moment had come so    
dreaded by him in which he must make a  
resolution4  ,the abb looked at him1 saw
 that he was really suffering1 and was  
full of pity for a soul so unable to    

support a struggle4  ,he took ,durtal's 
arm1 and said gently1--  ,my son1       
believe me that the day you go yourself 
to the house of ,god1 the day you knock 
at its door1 it will open wide1 and the 
angels will draw aside to let you pass4 
,the ,gospel cannot lie1 and it declares
 that there is more joy over one sinner 
that repents than over ninety and nine  
just persons who need no repentance4    
,you will be much better welcomed than  
you expect1 and be sufficiently my      
friend to think that the old priest you 
leave here will not remain inactive1 and
 that he and the convents he can        
influence will pray their best for you4 
,i will see1 said ,durtal1 really moved 
by the affectionate tone of the priest1 
,i will see4 ,i cannot decide thus1     
unexpectedly2 ,i will think4 ,ah6 it is 
not simple4  ,above all things pray1    
said the priest1 who had reached his    
door4 ,i have on my side sought the     
,lord much that ,he would enlighten me1 
and ,i declare to you that the solution 

of ,la ,trappe is the only one ,he has  
given me4 ,ask ,him humbly1 in your     
turn1 and you will be guided4 ,i shall  
soon see you again1 shall ,i not8  ,he  
pressed ,durtal's hand1 who1 left alone1
 recovered himself at last4 ,then he    
recalled the strategic smiles1 the      
ambiguous phrases1 the dreamy silences  
of the ,abb ,gvresin1 he understood the 
kindness of his counsels1 the patience  
of his plans2 and a little put out at   
having been1 without knowing it1 led so 
wisely1 he exclaimed in spite of        
himself1 ,this1 then1 was the design the
 priest was ripening1 with his air of   
not concerning himself with it at all4  
,,chapter ,,ix4   ,he experienced that  
painful awakening of a sick man whom a  
doctor deceives for months1 who learns  
some fine morning that he is to be taken
 at once to an hospital to undergo an   
urgent surgical operation4 ,but that is 
not the way things should be done1 cried
 ,durtal1 people should be prepared1    
little by little1 accustomed by words of

 warning1 to the idea that they are to  
be cut up on a table1 they are not      
struck down thus unexpectedly6  ,yes1   
but what does that matter8 since ,i know
 very well1 in the depths of my soul1   
that this priest is right2 ,i must leave
 ,paris if ,i wish to amend2 but all the
 same1 the treatment he inflicts is hard
 indeed to follow2 ,i know not what to  
do4  ,and from this moment his days were
 haunted by ,trappists4 ,he turned over 
the thought of his departure1 and       
examined it on all sides1 chewed the cud
 of for and against1 and ended by saying
 to himself1 ,that he would take stock  
of his reflections and open an account1 
and this with a debit and credit side1  
that he might know himself the better4  
,the debit is terrible4 ,to gather up   
his life1 and cast it into the stove of 
a cloister2 and again1 he ought to know 
if his body were in a state to bear such
 a remedy2 mine is frail and soft1      
accustomed to rise late2 it becomes weak
 if not nourished by flesh meat1 and is 

subject to neuralgia at any change of   
the hour of meals4 ,i should never be   
able to hold out down there with        
vegetables cooked in warm oil or in     
milk2 first ,i detest oily cookery1 and 
,i hate milk still more1 which ,i cannot
 digest4  ,then ,i think ,i see myself  
on my knees1 on the floor for hours1 ,i 
who suffered so much at ,la ,glacire in 
remaining in that posture1 on a step1   
for scarce a quarter of an hour4        
,again1 ,i am so accustomed to          
cigarettes that it is absolutely        
impossible to give them up1 and it is   
pretty certain they will not let me     
smoke in a monastery4  ,no1 indeed1 from
 the bodily point of view1 this plan is 
madness2 in my state of health there is 
no doctor who would not dissuade me from
 undertaking such a risk4  ,if ,i place 
myself in a spiritual point of view ,i  
must then again recognize that it is    
terrible to enter ,la ,trappe4  ,i am   
afraid indeed that my dryness of soul1  
my want of love will remain1 and then   

what would become of me in such         
surroundings8 then it is equally        
probable1 that in that solitude and     
absolute silence1 ,i should be wearied  
to death1 and if it be so1 what a       
miserable existence is it to stalk about
 a cell and count the hours4 ,no1 for   
that one needs to be firmly fixed on    
,god1 to be dwelt in wholly by ,him4    
,moreover1 there are two formidable     
questions which ,i have never properly  
weighed1 because it has been painful to 
think of them1 but now that they come   
before me1 and stop the road1 ,i must   
face them1 the questions of ,confession 
and ,holy ,communion4  ,confession8     
,yes1 ,i will consent to it1 ,i am so   
tired of myself1 so disgusted with my   
wretched existence that this expiation  
appears to me as deserved1 even         
necessary4 ,i desire to humble myself1  
,i would ask pardon with all my heart1  
but again this penance must be assigned 
me under possible conditions4 ,at ,la   
,trappe1 if ,i believe the abb1 no one  

will trouble himself about me1 in other 
words no one will encourage me1 and aid 
me to submit to this sorrowful          
extraction of my shames4 ,i shall be    
somewhat like a sick man operated on in 
hospital1 far from his friends and      
relatives4  ,confession1 he went on1 is 
an admirable discovery1 for it is the   
most sensitive touchstone of souls1 the 
most intolerable act which the ,church  
has ever imposed on the vanity of men4  
,is this strange8 ,we speak easily of   
our lapses1 of our grosser actions1     
even1 indeed1 to a priest in            
conversation1 that does not seem to lead
 to any consequences1 and perhaps a     
little bragging enters into our         
admission of easy sins1 but to tell the 
same thing on one's knees1 accusing     
oneself1 after prayer1 is different1    
that which was only rather amusing      
becomes a very painful humiliation1 for 
the soul is not the dupe of this false  
seeming1 it knows so well in its inner  
tribunal that all is changed1 it feels  

so well the terrible power of the       
,sacrament1 that he who but now smiled1 
now trembles at the very thought4  ,now1
 were ,i to find myself face to face    
with an old monk who emerges from an    
eternity of silence to listen to me1 a  
monk who will not aid me1 perhaps cannot
 even understand me1 this will be       
terrible4 ,i shall never get to the end 
of my troubles if he does not hold out a
 staff to me1 if he lets me stifle and  
gives no air to my soul1 nor brings me  
help4  ,the ,eucharist also seems       
terrible4 ,to dare to come forward1 to  
offer ,him as a tabernacle the sewer of 
self scarce purified by repentance1 a   
sewer drained by absolution1 but still  
hardly dry1 is monstrous4 ,i am quite   
without such courage as to offer ,christ
 this last insult1 and so there is no   
good in fleeing to a monastery4  ,no2   
the more ,i think of it1 the more ,i am 
obliged to conclude that ,i should be   
mad if ,i ventured into a ,trappist     
house4  ,now for the ,credit side4 ,the 

only proper work of my life would be to 
make a parcel of my life1 and take it to
 a cloister to disinfect it1 and if that
 cost me nothing1 where is the merit8   
,nothing shows me1 on the other hand1   
that my body1 however weakened1 cannot  
support the regimen of ,la ,trappe4     
,without believing or pretending to     
believe with the ,abb ,gvresin that that
 kind of food will be even helpful to   
me1 ,i ought to count on ,divine        
consolations1 to admit the principle    
that1 if ,i am sent there1 it is not    
that ,i may take at once to my bed1 or  
be obliged to leave again as soon as ,i 
arrive--at least1 unless that is the    
chastisement prepared me1 the expiation 
demanded1 and again no1 for that would  
be to ascribe to ,god pitiless tricks1  
and would be absurd6  ,as to the        
cookery1 it matters little that it is   
uncivilized1 if my stomach can digest   
it2 to have bad food1 and get up in the 
middle of the night is nothing1 provided
 the body can stand it1 and no doubt ,i 

shall find some means of smoking        
cigarettes by stealth in the woods4     
,after all1 a week is soon over1 and ,i 
am not even obliged1 if ,i feel poorly1 
to remain a week4  ,from the spiritual  
point of view1 ,i must again count on   
the mercy of ,god1 believe that it will 
not abandon me1 will dress my wounds1   
and change the very foundation of my    
soul4 ,i know well that these arguments 
do not rest on any earthly certainty1   
but yet if ,i have proofs that          
,providence has already taken part in my
 affairs1 ,i have no reason to suppose  
that these arguments are weaker than the
 purely physical motives which served to
 support my other thesis4 ,now ,i must  
recall that conversion1 so outside my   
will2 ,i must take account of a fact    
which should encourage me1 the weakness 
of the temptations which ,i now         
experience4  ,it is difficult to have   
been more rapidly and more completely   
heard4 ,whether ,i owe this grace to my 
own prayers or to those of the convents 

which have shielded me without knowing  
me1 it is the case that for some time   
past my brain has been silent and my    
flesh calm4 ,that monster ,florence     
appears to me still at certain times1   
but she does not approach me1 she       
remains in the shade1 and the end of the
 ,lord's ,prayer1 the 'ne nos inducas in
 tentationem1' puts her to flight4      
,that is an unaccustomed fact1 and yet a
 precise one4 ,why should ,i doubt1     
then1 that ,i shall be better upheld at 
,la ,trappe than ,i am in ,paris itself8
  ,there remain confession and          
communion4  ,confession8 ,it will be    
what the ,lord chooses it should be4 ,he
 will choose the monk for me2 ,i shall  
only be able to make use of him2 and    
then the more disagreeable it is1 the   
better worth it will be2 and if ,i      
suffer much1 ,i shall think myself less 
unworthy to communicate4  ,that is1 he  
went on1 the most painful point6        
,communicate6 ,but let us consider1 it  
is certain that ,i shall be base in     

proposing to ,christ that ,he should    
descend like a scavenger into my ditch2 
but if ,i wait till it is empty1 ,i     
shall never be in a state to receive    
,him1 for my bulkheads are not closed1  
and sins would filter through the       
fissures4  ,all this well considered1   
the abb spoke truth when he answered me 
one day3 ',but ,i too am not worthy to  
approach ,him2 thank ,god1 ,i have not  
those sewers of which you speak1 but in 
the morning1 when ,i go to say my mass1 
and think of all the dust of the        
evening1 do you not think that ,i am    
ashamed8 ,it is always necessary1 you   
see1 to go back to the ,gospels1 and say
 to yourself that ,he came for the weak 
and the sick1 the publicans and lepers2 
and1 in fact1 you must convince yourself
 that the ,eucharist is a lookout post1 
a help1 that it is given1 as it is      
written in the ordinary of the ,mass ad 
tutamentum mentis et corporis et ad     
medelam percipiendam4 ,it is1 if ,i may 
say so1 a spiritual medicine2 you go to 

the ,saviour just as you go to a doctor1
 you take your soul to ,him to care for 
it1 and ,he does so6'  ,i stand before  
the unknown1 pursued ,durtal1 ,i        
complain that ,i am arid1 and have      
wandered from the right way1 but who    
will declare to me that1 if ,i determine
 to communicate1 ,i shall remain in the 
same mind2 for indeed1 if ,i have       
,faith1 ,i ought to believe in the      
occult work of ,christ in the           
,sacrament4 ,lastly1 ,i am afraid of    
being wearied by solitude2 ,i am not    
much amused here as it is1 but at ,la   
,trappe ,i shall no longer have those   
vacillations at every minute1 those     
constant fears2 ,i shall at least have  
the advantage of having my time to      
myself2 and then 444 and then 444 how   
well ,i know solitude4 ,have ,i not     
lived apart since the deaths of des     
,hermies and ,carhaix8 ,indeed1 whom do 
,i see8 ,a few publishers1 a few        
literary men1 and my relations with     
these people are not interesting4 ,as to

 silence1 it is a blessing4 ,i shall not
 hear any foolish sayings at ,la        
,trappe2 ,i shall not listen to pitiable
 homilies and poor sermons2 but ,i ought
 to rejoice on being at last isolated1  
far from ,paris1 far from men4  ,he was 
silent1 and made1 as it were1 a return  
in upon himself2 and said to himself1 in
 a melancholy manner3 ,these strifes are
 useless1 these reflections vain4 ,i    
need not try to take account of my soul1
 to make out the debit and credit2 ,i   
know1 without knowing how1 that ,i must 
go2 ,i am thrust out of myself by an    
impulse which rises from the very depths
 of my being1 to which ,i am quite      
certain ,i have to yield4  ,at that     
moment ,durtal had decided1 but ten     
minutes afterwards the attempt at       
resolution vanished4 ,he felt his       
cowardice gain on him once more1 he     
chewed once more the cud of arguments   
against his moving2 came to the         
conclusion that his reasons for         
remaining in ,paris were palpable1      

human1 certain1 while the others were   
intangible1 extra-natural1 and          
consequently subject to illusions1      
perhaps false4  ,and he invented for    
himself the fear of not obtaining the   
thing he feared1 said to himself that   
,la ,trappe would not receive him1 or   
certainly that it would refuse him      
communion2 and then he suggested to     
himself a middle term3 to confess at    
,paris and communicate at ,la ,trappe4  
,but then there passed in him an        
incomprehensible fact3 his whole soul   
revolted at this idea1 and the formal   
order not to deceive himself was truly  
breathed into him1 and he said to       
himself3 ,no1 the bitter draught must be
 drained to the last drop1 it is all or 
nothing2 if ,i confess to the abb it    
will be in disobedience to absolute and 
secret directions2 ,i should be capable 
of not going afterwards to ,notre ,dame 
de l',atre4  ,what shall ,i do8 ,and he 
accused himself of distrust1 called to  
his aid once more the memory of benefits

 received1 how scales had fallen from   
his eyes1 his insensible progress       
towards ,faith1 his encounter with that 
singular priest1 perhaps the only one   
who could understand him1 and treat him 
in a way so benign and so elastic2 but  
he tried in vain to reassure himself1   
then he called up the dream of the      
monastic life1 the sovereign beauty of  
the cloister2 he imagined the joy of    
renunciation1 the peace of exalted      
prayers1 the interior intoxication of   
the spirit1 the delight of not being at 
home any longer in his own body4 ,some  
words of the abb about ,la ,trappe      
served as a spring-board for his dreams1
 and he perceived an old abbey1 grey and
 warm1 immense avenues of trees1 clouds 
flying confusedly amid the song of      
waters1 silent strolls in the woods at  
nightfall2 he called up the solemn      
liturgies of ,saint ,benedict's time2 he
 saw the white pith of monastic chants  
rise under the scarcely pruned bark of  
sound4 ,he succeeded in his decision1   

and cried3 ,you have dreamed for years  
of the cloisters1 now rejoice that you  
will know them at last1 and he wished to
 go at once and live there2 then        
suddenly he fell down into reality1 and 
said to himself3 ,it is easy to wish to 
live in a monastery1 to tell ,god that  
you would desire to take shelter        
therein1 when life in ,paris weighs you 
down1 but when it comes to the real     
point of emigration1 it is quite another
 matter4  ,he turned over these thoughts
 everywhere1 in the street1 at home1 in 
the chapels4 ,he hurried like a shuttle 
from one church to another1 hoping to   
solace his fears by changing his place1 
but they persisted1 and rendered every  
place intolerable4  ,then in the sacred 
places came always that dryness of soul1
 the broken spring of impulse1 a sudden 
silence within1 when he desired         
consolation in speaking to ,him4 ,his   
best moments1 his pauses in the         
hurly-burly1 were a few minutes of      
absolute torpor1 which rested like snow 

on the soul and he heard nothing4  ,but 
this drowsiness of thought lasted but a 
while1 the whirlwind blew once more1 and
 the prayers which were wont to appease 
it refused to leave his lips1 he tried  
religious music1 the despairing         
sequences of the psalms1 pictures of the
 ,crucifixion by the ,early ,masters1 to
 excite him1 but his prayers ran on and 
became confused on his lips1 were       
divested of all sense1 mere words1 empty
 shells4  ,at ,notre ,dame des          
,victoires1 where he dragged himself    
that he might thaw a little under the   
warmth of his neighbours' prayers1 he   
did in fact feel less chilly1 and seemed
 to break up a little1 fell drop by drop
 into sorrows which he could not        
formulate1 and were all summed up in the
 cry of a sick child1 in which he said  
to ,our ,lady1 in low tones3 ,my soul is
 sorrowful4  ,thence he returned to ,st4
 ,severin1 sat down under those arches  
browned by the rust of prayers1 and1    
haunted by his fixed idea1 he pleaded   

for himself extenuating circumstances1  
exaggerated the austerities of ,la      
,trappe1 tried almost to exasperate his 
fear to excuse his weakness in a vague  
appeal to ,our ,lady4  ,but ,i must go  
and see the ,abb ,gvresin1 he murmured1 
but his courage still failed him to     
pronounce the ,yes which the priest     
would surely require from him4 ,he ended
 by discovering a reason for his visit1 
without thinking himself obliged to     
promise just yet4  ,after all1 he       
thought1 ,i have no precise information 
about this monastery2 ,i do not even    
know whether it may not be necessary to 
take a long and expensive journey to get
 there2 the abb indeed declares that it 
is not far from ,paris1 but it is       
impossible to decide on this simple     
declaration2 it will be useful also to  
know the habits of these cenobites      
before going to stay with them4  ,the   
abb smiled when ,durtal mentioned these 
objections4  ,the journey is short1 he  
said4 ,you start from the ,gare du ,nord

 at eight o'clock in the morning for    
,saint ,landry1 where you arrive at a   
quarter to twelve2 you lunch at an inn  
close to the station1 and while you are 
drinking your coffee they get you a     
carriage1 and after a drive of four     
hours you arrive at ,notre ,dame de     
l',atre for dinner4 ,there is no        
difficulty there4  ,then the cost is    
moderate4 ,as far as ,i remember the    
railway fare is about fifteen francs1   
add two or three francs for lunch1 and  
six or seven for the carriage 444  ,and 
as ,durtal was silent1 the abb went on3 
,well8  ,ah yes1 yes 444 if you knew 444
 ,i am in a pitiable state1 ,i will and 
will not1 ,i know well that ,i ought to 
take refuge there1 but in spite of      
myself1 ,i wish to gain time and put off
 the hour of departure4  ,and he        
continued3 ,my soul is out of gear1 when
 ,i would pray1 my senses go all astray1
 ,i cannot recollect myself1 and if ,i  
succeed in pulling myself together1 five
 minutes do not pass but ,i am all      

astray again2 no1 ,i have neither       
fervour nor true contrition1 ,i do not  
love ,god enough1 if it must be said4   
,and1 indeed1 during the last two days1 
a frightful certainty has grown up in   
me2 ,i am sure that1 in spite of my good
 intentions1 if ,i found myself in the  
presence of a certain person1 whose     
sight troubles me1 ,i should send       
religion to the devil1 ,i should return 
eagerly to my vomit2 ,i only hold on    
because ,i am not tempted1 ,i am no     
better than when ,i was sinning4 ,you   
will admit that ,i am in a wretched     
state to enter a ,trappist monastery4   
,your reasons are at least weak1        
answered the abb4 ,you say first that   
your prayers are distracted1 that you   
are unable to concentrate your          
attention2 but in fact you are just like
 everybody else4 ,even ,saint ,teresa   
declares that often she was unable to   
recite the ,credo without distraction1  
it is a weakness in which we must just  
take our portion humbly3 above all      

things it is necessary not to lay too   
much stress on these evils1 for the fear
 of seeing them return ensures their    
assiduity2 you are distracted in prayer 
by the very fear of distraction1 and by 
regret for it2 go forth more boldly1    
look at things more widely1 pray as best
 you can1 and do not trouble yourself4  
,again1 you declare that if you meet a  
certain person whose attraction is a    
trouble to you1 you will succumb4 ,how  
do you know that8 why should you take   
care about seductions which ,god does   
not yet inflict upon you1 and which ,he 
will perhaps spare you8 ,why doubt ,his 
mercy8 ,why not believe1 on the         
contrary1 that if ,he judge the         
temptation useful1 ,he will aid you     
enough to prevent your sinking under it8
  ,in any case you ought not1 by        
anticipation1 to fear disgust at your   
weakness2 the ,imitation declares       
',there is nothing more foolish and     
vain1 than to afflict ourselves about   
future things which may perhaps never   

happen4' ,no1 it is enough to occupy    
ourselves with the present1 for         
',sufficient for the day is the evil    
thereof1'--'sufficit diei malitia sua4' 
,finally you say you do not love ,god2  
again ,i answer1 what do you know about 
it8 ,you have this love by the very     
token that you desire to have it1 and   
that you regret you have it not2 you    
love our ,lord by the very fact that you
 desire to love ,him4  ,that is special 
pleading1 murmured ,durtal4 ,but indeed1
 he went on1 suppose at ,la ,trappe1 the
 monk revolted at the long outrage of my
 sins1 refused me absolution1 and       
forbade me to communicate4  ,the abb    
burst out laughing4  ,you are mad6 ,what
 is your notion of ,christ8  ,not of    
,christ1 but of ,his intermediary the   
human being who replaces ,him4  ,you can
 only chance upon a man pointed out     
beforehand from above to judge you2     
moreover1 at ,notre ,dame de l',atre you
 have every chance of kneeling at the   
feet of a saint1 therefore ,god will    

inspire him1 will be present1 you have  
nothing to fear4  ,as to the ,communion1
 the prospect of being rejected         
terrifies you1 but is not that one proof
 the more that1 contrary to your        
opinion1 ,god does not leave you        
insensible8  ,yes1 but the idea of      
communicating alarms me none the less4  
,i say to you again3 if ,jesus were     
indifferent to you1 it would be just the
 same to you1 to consume or not to      
consume the sacred species4  ,all that  
does not convince me1 sighed ,durtal4 ,i
 do not know where ,i am2 ,i am afraid  
of a confessor1 of others1 of myself2 it
 is foolish1 but it is stronger than ,i4
 ,i cannot gain the upper hand4  ,you   
are afraid of the water2 imitate        
,gribouille1 throw yourself in boldly2  
look1 suppose ,i write to ,la ,trappe   
this very day to say you are coming2    
when8  ,oh6 cried ,durtal1 wait a while4
  ,to get an answer1 we need two days   
each way2 will you go there five days   
hence8  ,and1 as ,durtal was astounded  

and silent1  ,is that settled8  ,then1  
at that moment1 ,durtal had a strange   
experience1 as often at ,st4 ,severin1 a
 sort of caressing touch and gentle     
push2 he felt a will insinuate itself   
into his own1 and he drew back          
disquieted at seeing he had a double    
self1 to find he was no longer alone in 
the depth of his being2 then he was     
inexplicably reassured1 and gave himself
 up1 and as soon as he had said ,yes he 
felt immensely relieved2 then passing   
from one extreme to the other1 he was   
troubled at the idea that his departure 
could not take place at once1 and was   
sorry that he had still to pass five    
days in ,paris4  ,the abb laughed4 ,but 
the ,trappists must have notice1 it is a
 simple formality1 for with a word from 
me1 you will be received at once1 but   
wait at least until ,i have sent this   
word2 ,i will post it this evening1 so  
have no anxiety1 and sleep in peace4    
,durtal in his turn laughed at his own  
impatience4 ,you must think me very     

ridiculous1 he said4  ,the priest       
shrugged his shoulders4 ,come1 you asked
 me about my little monastery2 ,i must  
try to satisfy you4 ,it is very small1  
if compared with the grande ,trappe at  
,soligny1 or the establishments at ,sept
 ,fonds1 ,meilleray or ,aiguebelle1 for 
there are only about ten choir fathers1 
and about thirty lay brothers or        
'conversi4' ,there are also a certain   
number of peasants who work with them1  
and help them to till their land1 and   
make their chocolate4  ,they make       
chocolate6  ,that surprises you4 ,how do
 you think they live8 ,ah6 ,i warn you1 
you are not going into a sumptuous      
monastery4  ,i like it so4 ,but in      
regard to the stories of ,la ,trappe1 ,i
 suppose the monks do not greet each    
other with ',brother1 we must die1' and 
that they do not dig their graves every 
morning8  ,all that is false4 ,they take
 no trouble about their graves1 and they
 salute each other silently1 since they 
are forbidden to speak4  ,then what am  

,i to do if ,i need anything8  ,the     
abbot1 the confessor1 and the           
guest-master have the right of          
conversing with the guests1 you will    
have to do with them alone2 the others  
will bow when you meet them1 but if you 
speak to them they will not answer4  ,it
 is well to know that4 ,what is their   
dress8  ,before the foundation of       
,citeaux1 the ,benedictines wore1 or so 
it is supposed1 the black habit of      
,saint ,benedict2 the ,benedictines     
properly so-called wear it still1 but at
 ,citeaux the colour was changed1 and   
the ,trappists1 who are a twig of this  
branch1 have adopted the white robe of  
,saint ,bernard4  ,pray pardon all these
 questions1 which must seem childish1   
but since ,i am about to visit these    
monks1 ,i ought to be in some measure   
acquainted with the customs of their    
order4  ,i am wholly at your            
disposition1 replied the abb4  ,durtal  
asked him about the situation of the    
abbey itself1 and he replied1  ,the     

present monastery dates from the        
eighteenth century1 but you will see in 
the gardens the ruins of the old        
cloister1 which was built in the time of
 ,saint ,bernard4 ,in the ,middle ,ages 
there was a succession of ,blessed in   
this convent2 it is a truly sanctified  
land1 fit for meditation and regret4    
,the abbey is situated at the bottom of 
a valley1 according to the orders of    
,saint ,bernard2 for you know that if   
,saint ,benedict loved the hills1 ,saint
 ,bernard sought the low and moist      
plains wherein to found his convents4   
,an old ,latin line has preserved the   
different tastes of these two saints3   
',bernardus valles1 colles ,benedictus  
amabat4'  ,was it on account of his own 
personal liking1 or for a pious end1    
that ,saint ,bernard built his          
hermitages in unwholesome and flat      
places8  ,in order that his monks1 whose
 health was enfeebled by the fogs1 might
 have constantly before their eyes the  
salutary image of death4  ,the deuce he 

did6  ,i may add at once that the valley
 in which ,notre ,dame de l',atre rises 
is now drained1 and the air is very     
pure4 ,you will stroll by delightful    
ponds1 and ,i may recommend you1 on the 
borders of the enclosure1 an avenue of  
secular chestnuts1 where you may take   
some refreshing walks at daybreak4  ,and
 after a silence the ,abb ,gvresin      
continued1--  ,walk there a good deal1  
traverse the woods in all directions2   
the forests will tell you more about    
your soul than books3 ',aliquid amplius 
invenies in sylvis quam in libris1'     
wrote ,saint ,bernard--'pray and your   
days will seem short4'  ,durtal went    
away from the priest's house comforted1 
almost joyful2 he felt at least the     
solace of a fixed decision1 a resolution
 taken at last4 ,he said to himself that
 the only thing now to be done was to   
prepare himself as best he could for the
 retreat1 and he prayed and went to bed 
for the first time for months with his  
mind at rest4  ,but next day1 when he   

woke1 his mood changed1 all his         
preconceived ideas1 all his fears       
returned2 he asked himself if his       
conversion were ripe enough to allow him
 to cut it separate1 and carry it to ,la
 ,trappe2 the fear of a confessor1 the  
dread of the unknown1 assailed him      
afresh4 ,i was wrong to have answered so
 soon1 and he asked himself1 ,why did ,i
 say 'yes'8 ,the recollection of this   
word pronounced by his lips1 conceived  
by a will which was still his own and   
yet other than his1 came back to his    
mind4 ,it is not the first time that    
such a thing happened to me1 he thought1
 ,i have already experienced when alone 
in the churches unexpected counsels1    
silent orders1 and it must be admitted  
that it is terrifying to feel this      
infusion into self of an invisible      
being1 and to know that he can1 if he   
choose1 almost turn you out of the      
domain of your personality4  ,but no1 it
 is not that1 there is no substitution  
of an exterior will to one's own1 for   

one's free will is absolutely intact2   
neither is it one of those irresistible 
impulses endured by certain sick        
persons1 for nothing is more easy than  
to resist it2 it is still less a        
suggestion1 since1 in this case1 there  
are no magnetic passes1 no somnambulism 
induced1 no hypnotism2 no1 it is the    
irresistible entrance into oneself of a 
strange will1 the sudden intrusion of a 
precise and discreet desire1 a pressure 
on the soul at once firm and gentle4    
,ah6 again ,i am incorrect1 and play the
 fool1 but nothing can describe that    
close pressure1 which vanishes at the   
least movement of impatience--it is felt
 but cannot be expressed4  ,its         
introduction is always attended by      
surprise1 almost with anguish1 since it 
does not make use of even an interior   
voice to make itself heard1 and is      
formulated without the aid of words1 all
 is blotted out1 the breath which has   
thrilled you disappears4 ,you would wish
 that this incitement should be         

confirmed1 that the phenomenon should be
 repeated in order to be more closely   
observed1 to try to analyze it and      
understand it1 when lo6 it is gone2 you 
remain alone with yourself1 are free not
 to obey1 your will is unfettered and   
you know it1 but you know also that if  
you reject these invitations you take on
 yourself unspeakable risks for the     
future4  ,in fact1 pursued ,durtal1 it  
is an angelic influx1 a divine touch1   
something analogous to the interior     
voice so well known by the mystics1 but 
it is less complete1 less precise1 and  
yet it is quite as certain4  ,he ended  
his dreams concluding1 ,i am consumed   
and collared by myself1 before being    
able to answer this priest1 whose       
arguments would scarce persuade me1     
unless ,i had had this help1 this       
unexpected succour4  ,but then1 since ,i
 am thus led by the hand1 what have ,i  
to fear8  ,he feared all the same1 and  
could not be at peace with himself2 then
 if he profited by the comfort of a     

decision1 he was consumed for the moment
 by the expectation of his departure4   
,he tried to kill time in reading1 but  
he had to admit once more that he could 
not expect consolation from any book4   
,none came even distantly into relation 
with his state of mind4 ,high ,mysticism
 was so little human1 soared at such    
heights far from our mire1 that no      
sovereign aid could be expected from it4
 ,he ended by falling back on the       
,imitation1 in which ,mysticism1 placed 
within the reach of the crowd1 was like 
a trembling and plaintive friend who    
stanched your wounds within the cells of
 its chapters1 prayed and wept with you1
 and in any case compassionated the     
desolate widowhood of souls4            
,unfortunately1 ,durtal had read so     
much1 and was so saturated with the     
,gospels1 that he had temporarily       
exhausted their sedative and soothing   
virtues4 ,tired of reading1 he again    
began his courses in the churches4 ,and 
suppose the ,trappists will not have me1

 he thought1 what will become of me8    
,but ,i tell you that they will receive 
you1 said the abb1 whom he went to see4 
,he was not easy till the day the priest
 handed him the answer from ,la ,trappe4
  ,he read3--       ,we will receive    
with pleasure1 for a week1 in our       
guest-house the      retreatant whom you
 wish to commend to us1 and ,i do not   
see at the      moment any reason why   
the retreat should not begin next       
,tuesday4       ,in the hope1 ,monsieur 
l',abb1 that we shall also have the     
pleasure      of seeing you again in our
 solitude1 ,i beg to assure you that ,i 
am      yours most respectfully1        
,f4 ,m4 ,,etienne1      ,guestmaster4   
,he read and re-read it1 at once        
delighted and terrified4 ,there is no   
further doubt2 it is irrevocable1 he    
said1 and he went at once in haste to   
,st4 ,severin1 having less need of      
prayer than of going near to ,our ,lady2
 of showing himself to her1 paying her1 
as it were1 a visit of thankfulness1 and

 expressing his gratitude by his very   
presence4  ,he was taken by the charms  
of that church1 its silence1 the shadow 
which fell on the apse1 from the height 
of its palm trees of stone1 and he ended
 by caring for nothing and sinking on a 
chair1 filled with one sole desire1 not 
to enter again on the life of the       
streets1 never to leave his refuge1     
never to move4  ,the next day1 which was
 a ,sunday1 he went to the ,benedictine 
nuns to hear ,high ,mass4 ,a black monk 
celebrated2 he recognized a ,benedictine
 when the priest chanted ,dominous      
vobiscoum1 for the ,abb ,gvresin had    
told him that the ,benedictines         
pronounced ,latin like ,italian4        
,though he was not inclined to like that
 pronunciation which took away from     
,latin the sonorous tones of its words1 
and turned after a fashion the phrases  
of that tongue into a ring of bells with
 their clappers muffled or their vases  
stuffed with tow1 he let himself go1    
taken hold of by the unction1 by the    

humble piety of the monk1 who almost    
trembled with reverence and joy when he 
kissed the altar1 and he had a deep     
voice1 to which1 behind the grating1    
answered the clear high voices of the   
nuns4  ,durtal panted1 listening to the 
fluid pictures of the ,early ,masters   
sketch and form and paint themselves on 
the air2 he was affected to his very    
marrow1 as he had formerly been during  
,high ,mass at ,st4 ,severin4 ,he had   
lost that emotion now in that church1   
where the flower of melody had faded for
 him since he knew the ,benedictine     
plain song1 and he now found it again1  
or rather he took it with him from ,st4 
,severin to this chapel4  ,and for the  
first time he had a wild desire1 a      
desire so violent that it seemed to melt
 his heart4  ,it was at the moment of   
the ,communion4 ,the monk1 elevating the
 ,host1 uttered the ,domine non sum     
dignus4 ,pale1 with drawn features1     
sorrowful eyes1 and serious mouth1 he   
seemed to have escaped from a monastery 

of the ,middle ,ages1 cut out of one of 
those ,flemish pictures where the monks 
are standing in the background1 while1  
before them1 nuns are praying on their  
knees with joined hands1 near the       
donors1 to the child ,jesus on whom the 
,virgin smiles1 while lowering her long 
lashes under her arching brow4  ,and    
while he descended the steps and        
communicated two women1 ,durtal         
trembled1 and his desires went forth    
towards the ciborium4  ,it seemed to him
 that if he were nourished on that      
,bread1 there would be an end of all his
 dryness and all his fears2 it would    
seem to him that the wall of his sins1  
higher and higher from year to year1 and
 now barring his view1 would roll away1 
and at last he would see4 ,and he was in
 haste to set off for ,la ,trappe1 that 
he too might receive the ,sacred ,body  
from the hands of a monk4  ,that mass   
gave him new strength like a tonic1 he  
came out of the chapel joyful and       
firmer1 and when the impression grew    

somewhat feebler in the course of hours1
 he remained perhaps less affected1 but 
still resolute1 joking in the evening   
with a gentle melancholy about his      
condition3 ,there are many people who go
 to ,barges or ,vichy to cure their     
bodies1 and why should not ,i go and    
cure my soul in a ,trappist monastery8  
,,chapter ,x4   ,i shall make myself a  
prisoner in two days1 sighed ,durtal2 it
 is time to think about packing4 ,what  
books shall ,i take to help me to live  
down there8  ,he searched his library1  
and turned over the mystical books1     
which had1 by degrees1 replaced profane 
works on the shelves4  ,i will not talk 
of ,saint ,teresa1 he thought2 neither  
she1 nor ,saint ,john of the ,cross1    
would be indulgent enough to me in      
solitude2 ,i have need of more pardon   
and consolation4  ,saint ,denys the     
,areopagite1 or the apocryphal book     
known under that name8 ,he is the first 
of the ,mystics1 and perhaps has gone   
the furthest in his theological         

definitions4 ,he lives in the rarefied  
air of the mountain tops1 above the     
gulfs1 on the threshold of the other    
world which he sees in part by flashes  
of grace1 and he remains lucid1         
undazzled in the blaze of light around  
him4  ,it seems that in his ',celestial 
,hierarchies1' in which he brings out in
 procession the armies of heaven1 and   
shows the meaning of angelic attributes 
and symbols1 he has already passed the  
limits assigned to man1 and yet in his  
',divine ,names' he ventures even a step
 further1 and then he raises himself    
into the super-essence of metaphysics at
 once calm and stern4  ,he over-heats   
the human word to give it greater force1
 but when after all his efforts he      
endeavours to define the ,indescribable1
 to distinguish those never to be       
confounded ,persons of the ,trinity who 
in their plurality never lose their     
unity1 words fail on his lips1 and his  
tongue is paralyzed under his pen2 then 
tranquilly and without any astonishment 

he makes himself again a child1 comes   
down from those heights among us1 and in
 order to try and explain to us what he 
understands1 he has recourse to         
comparisons with domestic life2 and that
 he may explain the ,trinity in ,unity  
he notices how1 if many torches be      
lighted in one hall1 lights1 though     
distinct1 mingle in one1 and are in fact
 no more than one4  ,saint ,denys1      
thought ,durtal1 is one of the boldest  
explorers of the eternal regions1 but he
 would be dry reading at ,la ,trappe4   
,ruysbrck8 he thought--perhaps1 and yet 
,i hardly am sure--,i might put him in  
my bag as well as for a cordial the     
little collection distilled by ,hello2  
as for the ,spiritual ,marriages1 so    
well translated by ,maeterlinck1 they   
are disconnected and obscure1 they      
stifle me1 this ,ruysbrck oppresses me  
less4 ,this hermit is singular1 all the 
same1 for he does not enter into us1 but
 rather goes round about us2 he         
endeavours1 like ,saint ,denys1 to      

arrive at ,god1 rather in heaven than in
 the soul1 but in wishing to take such a
 flight1 he strains his wings1 and      
stammers incomprehensibly when he comes 
down4  ,we will leave him behind1 then4 
,now let us see4 ,saint ,catherine of   
,genoa8 ,her discussions between the    
soul1 the body1 and self-love are       
unmeaning and confused1 and when in her 
',dialogues1' she treats of the         
operations of the interior life1 she is 
greatly below ,saint ,teresa and ,saint 
,angela4 ,on the other hand her         
,treatise on ,purgatory is clear4 ,it   
declares that she alone has penetrated  
into the spaces of unknown sorrows1 and 
that she has disentangled and taken hold
 of the joys2 she has in fact succeeded 
in reconciling two contraries which     
seemed eternally repugnant2 the         
suffering of the soul in its            
purification from sin1 and the joy of   
the same soul1 which at the very moment 
it is enduring frightful torment        
experiences immense happiness1 for      

little by little it draws near to ,god1 
and feels ,his rays attract it more and 
more1 and ,his love inundate it with    
such excess1 that it would seem the     
,saviour desires nought but only it4    
,saint ,catherine sets forth also that  
,jesus forbids heaven to none1 that it  
is the soul herself who1 deeming herself
 unworthy to attain it1 flings herself  
by her own motion into ,purgatory there 
to cleanse herself1 for she has only one
 end1 to re-establish herself in her    
primitive purity1 only one desire1 to   
attain her last end1 by destroying      
herself1 annihilating herself1 losing   
herself in ,god4  ,this is a conclusive 
study1 murmured ,durtal1 but not that   
which would lead to ,la ,trappe4 ,we    
must try again4  ,he touched other      
volumes in the book-cases4  ,here1 for  
instance1 is one which obviously ,i     
should use1 he went on1 as he took down 
the ,seraphic ,theology of ,saint       
,bonaventure1 for he condenses the means
 of self-examination1 of meditation for 

communion1 of thoughts on death1 then in
 these ',selections' is a treatise on   
the ,contempt of the ,world1 whose terse
 phrases are admirable2 it is the true  
essence of the ,holy ,spirit1 a jelly of
 unction firm set--we will put that on  
one side4  ,i shall hardly find a better
 help to remedy the probable weariness  
of solitude1 murmured ,durtal1 turning  
over new ranks of volumes4 ,he looked at
 the titles4 ,the ,life of the ,blessed 
,virgin1 by ,m4 ,olier4  ,he hesitated1 
saying to himself1 ,under a style which 
is like water with scarcely the chill   
off1 there are some interesting         
observations1 some tasteful comments4   
,m4 ,olier has in a way traversed the   
mysterious territory of hidden designs1 
and has there discovered the            
unimaginable truths which the ,lord is  
sometimes pleased to reveal to ,his     
saints4 ,he has made himself the        
liege-man of ,our ,lady1 and living near
 her has made himself also the herald of
 her attributes1 the legate of her      

graces4 ,his ,life of ,mary is certainly
 the only one which seems really        
inspired and is possible to read4 ,where
 the abbess of ,agreda wanders1 he alone
 remains vigorous and clear4 ,he shows  
us the ,virgin existing from all        
eternity in ,god1 conceiving without    
ceasing to be immaculate1 like the      
crystal which receives and reflects the 
rays of the sun1 yet loses nothing of   
its lustre1 and indeed shines with      
greater brightness1 bringing forth      
without pain1 but suffering at the death
 of her ,son the pangs she would have   
borne at ,his birth4 ,then he gives us  
learned dissertations on ,her whom he   
calls the ,treasure-house of all good1  
the ,mediatrix of love and impetration4 
,yes1 but to converse with ,her nothing 
is so good as the ',officium parvum beat
 ,virginis1' and that1 concluded        
,durtal1 ,i will put in my bag with my  
,prayer-book2 we will not disturb ,m4   
,olier's volume4  ,my stock begins to   
give out1 he continued4 ,angela of      

,foligno8 ,certainly she is a brasier at
 which one may warm one's soul4 ,i will 
take her with me4 ,what more--,tauler's 
,sermons8 ,i am tempted to do so1 for   
never has any treated better than this  
monk the most abstruse subjects with a  
more perfectly lucid mind4 ,by aid of   
familiar images1 humble analogies1 he   
has rendered accessible the highest     
speculations of ,mysticism4 ,he is      
homely and deep1 then he borrows a      
little from quietism1 and1 perhaps1 it  
will be no bad thing to absorb1 down    
there1 a few drops of that mixture4 ,yet
 on the whole1 no2 ,i have rather need  
of nerve tonics4 ,as to ,suso1 he is a  
remedy far inferior to ,saint           
,bonaventure1 or ,saint ,angela4 ,i put 
aside also ,saint ,bridget of ,sweden1  
for in her conversations with heaven she
 seems aided by a ,god morose and tired1
 who reveals to her nothing unexpected1 
nothing new4  ,there is also ,saint     
,magdalen of ,pazzi1 that voluble       
,carmelite whose work is a series of    

apostrophes4 ,an exclamatory person1    
clever at analogies1 expert in          
coincidences1 a saint infatuated with   
metaphors and hyperboles4 ,she talks    
directly with ,god the ,father1 and     
stammers out in ecstasy explanations of 
the mysteries revealed to her by the    
,ancient of days4 ,her books contain one
 sovereign page on the ,circumcision1   
another magnificent one1 entirely made  
up of antitheses1 on the ,holy ,spirit1 
others1 very strange1 on the deification
 of the human soul1 on its union with   
heaven1 and on the part assigned in this
 operation to the wounds of the ,word4  
,these are inhabited nests2 the eagle   
which is the symbol of ,faith resides in
 the eyrie of the left foot2 in the hole
 of the right foot resides the          
melancholy sweetness of the             
turtle-doves2 in the wound of the left  
hand the dove ensconces herself1 the    
symbol of surrender1 and in the cavity  
of the right hand reposes the pelican1  
the emblem of love4  ,these birds leave 

their nests and come to seek the soul   
that they may lead it to the nuptial    
chamber of the wound which bleeds in the
 side of ,christ4  ,was it not also that
 ,carmelite nun who1 ravished by the    
power of grace1 despised so greatly the 
certitude acquired by the way of the    
senses1 as to say to the ,lord3 ',if ,i 
saw ,thee with mine eyes1 ,i should have
 ,faith no more1 because ,faith ceases  
where evidence comes in'8  ,all things  
considered1 he said2 ,magdalen of       
,pazzi1 with her dialogues and          
contemplations1 opens eloquent horizons1
 but the soul1 snared in the bird-lime  
of its sins1 cannot follow her4 ,no2    
this saint cannot reassure me in the    
cloister4  ,ah6 he went on1 shaking the 
dust from a volume in a grey cover2 ah6 
it is true ,i have ,the ,precious       
,blood1 of ,father ,faber4 ,and he began
 to dream as he turned over its pages   
where he stood4  ,he remembered the     
impression1 till now forgotten1 produced
 on him when he read it4 ,the work of   

this ,oratorian was at least strange4   
,the pages boiled over1 ran forth       
tumultuously1 carrying with them        
grandiose visions1 such as ,hugo        
conceived1 developing historical        
perspectives such as ,michelet loved to 
paint4 ,in this volume was seen         
advancing the solemn procession of the  
,precious ,blood1 starting from the     
confines of humanity1 from the origin of
 the ages1 and it broke the bounds of   
the worlds1 overwhelmed the nations1    
submerged history4  ,father ,faber was  
less a mystic1 properly so-called1 than 
a visionary and a poet2 in spite of the 
abuse of rhetoric transferred from the  
pulpit to a book1 he tore up souls by   
roots1 carried them away on the rush of 
the stream1 but when one regained       
footing1 and sought to remember what had
 been heard and seen1 one could recall  
nothing2 on reflection one recognized   
that the theme of the work was very     
thin1 too slender to have been executed 
by so noisy an orchestra1 and there     

remained of that reading something      
distracting and feverish which made you 
uneasy1 and made you think that this    
kind of book had only very distant      
relation to the heavenly fulness of the 
great mystics4  ,no1 not that1 thought  
,durtal4 ,now what have we selected8 ,i 
keep the little collection of ,ruysbrck1
 the ,life of ,angela of ,foligno1 and  
,saint ,bonaventure1 and the best of all
 for my state of soul1 he said1 striking
 his forehead4 ,he went back to his     
book-case1 and seized a little book1    
which lay alone in a corner4  ,he sat   
down1 and turned it over1 saying1 ,here 
is the tonic1 the stimulant in weakness1
 the strychnine for failure of ,faith1  
the goad which drives you in tears to   
the feet of ,christ1 the ',dolorous     
,passion' of ,sister ,emmerich4  ,she   
was no chemist of the spiritual being1  
like ,saint ,teresa2 she had nothing to 
do with our interior life2 in her book  
she forgot herself1 and left us on one  
side1 for she saw only ,jesus crucified1

 and wished only to show the stages of  
,his agony1 and to leave marked on her  
pages1 as on the veil of ,veronica1 the 
imprint of the ,holy ,face4  ,though she
 was of our time1 for ,catherine        
,emmerich died in #ahbd1 this great work
 dates from the ,middle ,ages4 ,it is a 
picture which seems to belong to the    
early schools of ,franconia and ,swabia4
 ,this woman was the sister of the      
,zeitbloms and the ,grnewalds1 she had  
their clear visions1 their vivid        
colouring1 their wild scent2 but she    
seemed to bring back also1 by her care  
for exact detail1 by her precise        
indication of places1 the old ,flemish  
,masters1 ,roger ,van der ,weyden and   
,bouts2 she united in herself two       
currents1 springing one from ,germany1  
the other from ,flanders1 and this      
painting brushed in with blood1 and     
varnished with tears1 was transposed by 
her into a prose style which has no     
relation to any known literature1 of    
which we can only find by analogy the   

ancestry in the panels of the fifteenth 
century4  ,moreover1 she was quite      
illiterate1 had never read a book1 nor  
seen a painting2 she told quite plainly 
what she saw in her ecstasies4  ,the    
pictures of the ,passion unfolded       
themselves before her while she was     
bed-ridden1 crushed by suffering1       
bleeding from the wounds of her         
stigmata2 she mourned and wept1 brought 
to nothingness by love and pity1 before 
the torments of ,christ4  ,according to 
her words1 which a scribe took down1    
,calvary rose1 and the whole rascaldom  
of the soldiers rushed at the ,saviour  
and spat on ,him2 frightful episodes    
took place where ,jesus1 chained to a   
pillar1 twisting like a worm1 under the 
lashes of the scourgers1 then falling1  
looking with ,his failing eyes1 at the  
fallen women who held ,him by the hand1 
and turned away in disgust from ,his    
lacerated body1 from ,his face covered  
with threads of blood as with a red net4
  ,then slowly1 patiently1 only stopping

 to sob1 and cry for mercy1 she         
described the soldiers tearing away the 
stuff which had stuck to the wounds1 the
 ,virgin weeping2 her face livid and her
 lips blue1 she related the agony of    
,his bearing ,his ,cross1 how ,he fell  
on ,his knees1 grew weaker and more worn
 when death came4  ,it was a frightful  
spectacle1 told in its every particular1
 forming a sublime and frightful whole4 
,the ,redeemer was extended on a cross  
laid on the ground1 one of the          
executioners placed a knee against ,his 
side1 while another spread ,his fingers 
abroad1 and a third hammered in a       
flat-headed nail as broad as a crown1   
and so long that the point came out     
behind the wood4 ,and when the right    
hand was riveted the torturers saw that 
the left would not reach to the place   
they intended to pierce1 therefore they 
attached a rope to the arm1 pulled it   
with all their force1 dislocated the    
shoulder1 and the cries of the ,saviour 
were heard above the blows of the       

hammer1 ,his breast was seen heaving1   
while ,his body was anguished and       
furrowed by terrible shuddering4  ,the  
same scene was repeated to fix ,his     
feet4 ,they also did not reach the place
 which the executioners had marked4 ,the
 body had to be tied and the arms bound 
so as not to tear the hands from the    
wood1 and then it was necessary to hang 
on the legs so as to lengthen them as   
far as the bracket on which they were to
 rest2 all at once the entire body      
yielded1 the ribs moved under the skin2 
the shock was so fearful1 that the      
executioners believed that the bones    
would start1 and burst the flesh1       
wherefore they made haste to rest the   
left foot on the right1 but their       
difficulties began again1 the feet      
turned over1 and it was necessary to    
bore them with an auger to fasten them4 
,this continued till ,jesus died1 when  
,sister ,emmerich fainted from terror1  
her stigmata bled afresh1 and her       
wounded head rained blood4  ,in this    

book the whole pack of ,jewish hounds   
was seen in full cry1 the imprecations  
and shouts of the crowd were heard1 the 
,virgin was shown trembling with fever1 
the ,magdalen1 beyond herself1 was      
terrible by her cries1 and towering     
above this lamentable group1 ,christ    
appeared1 pale and swollen1 ,his legs   
entangled in ,his robe1 when ,he mounted
 to ,golgotha clenching ,his broken     
nails on the cross as it slipped from   
,his grasp4  ,this extraordinary        
visionary1 ,catherine ,emmerich1 also   
described the surroundings of these     
scenes1 the landscapes of ,juda1 which  
she had never visited1 but have since   
been recognized as exact2 without       
knowing it1 without willing it1 this    
illiterate woman became an unique and   
powerful artist4  ,wonderful visionary1 
wonderful painter1 cried ,durtal1 and   
also wonderful saint1 he added1 running 
over the life of this nun1 placed as a  
preface to the book4  ,she was born in  
#aggd1 in the diocese of ,mnster1 the   

child of poor peasants4 ,from her       
infancy she had conversations with the  
,virgin1 and possessed the gift which   
also was given to ,saint ,sibylline of  
,pavia1 ,ida of ,louvain1 and more      
recently to ,louise ,lateau1 of         
discerning1 when she looked at1 or      
touched them1 objects which had been    
blessed from those which had not4 ,she  
entered1 as a novice1 the ,augustinian  
convent at ,dulmen1 made her profession 
when she was twenty-nine2 her health    
failed and incessant pain tortured her1 
which she increased1 for1 like ,blessed 
,lidwine1 she obtained from ,heaven     
permission to suffer for others1 and    
succour the sick by taking their        
maladies4 ,in #ahaa1 under the          
government of ,jerome ,bonaparte1 ,king 
of ,westphalia1 the convent was         
suppressed and the nuns dispersed4      
,infirm and penniless1 she was carried  
to a room in an inn where she had to    
bear every sort of curiosity and insult4
 ,christ added to her martyrdom in      

giving her the stigmata for which she   
asked2 she could neither rise1 nor walk1
 nor sit1 could take no food but the    
juice of a cherry1 but she was          
transported by long ecstasies4 ,in these
 she visited ,palestine1 following the  
,saviour step by step1 dictated with    
groans this fond book1 then said with   
her death-rattle1 ,let me die in shame  
with ,jesus on the ,cross1 and died     
overwhelmed with joy1 thanking ,heaven  
for the life of suffering she had       
endured4  ,ah1 yes2 ,i will take the    
',dolorous ,passion6' cried ,durtal to  
himself4  ,take the ,gospels also1 said 
the abb1 who came in meanwhile2 they are
 the heavenly phials from which you will
 draw the oil you need to dress your    
wounds4  ,it will be equally useful1 and
 truly in accordance with the atmosphere
 of ,la ,trappe1 to be able to read in  
the abbey itself the works of ,saint    
,bernard1 but they consist of           
unmanageable folios1 and the abridgments
 and extracts in volumes of a more      

convenient form are so ill-chosen1 that 
,i have never had the courage to buy    
them4  ,they have ,saint ,bernard at ,la
 ,trappe1 and will lend you the volumes 
if you ask them2 but where are you from 
the spiritual point of view8 ,how are   
you getting on8  ,i am melancholy1 badly
 prepared and resigned4 ,i cannot tell  
if weariness has come from my turning   
always on the same round1 like a circus 
horse1 but at this moment ,i am not     
suffering4 ,i am persuaded that this    
change of place is necessary1 and that  
it would be useless to hesitate4 ,all   
the same1 he said1 after a silence1 it  
is very odd that ,i am going to imprison
 myself in a monastery1 and in truth1 in
 spite of myself1 that astonishes me4   
,i will admit1 said the abb1 laughing1  
that when ,i first met you at ,tocane's1
 ,i never thought ,i was pointed out to 
direct you to a monastery2 ah1 you see  
,i must evidently belong to that        
category of people whom ,i may call mere
 bridges1 involuntary brokers of souls  

who are imposed on you for a certain end
 which you do not suspect1 and of which 
even themselves are ignorant4  ,rather1 
if any one were a mere bridge in this   
matter1 answered ,durtal1 it was        
,tocane1 for it was he who brought us   
together1 and we kick him away as soon  
as he has finished his unconscious task2
 it was evidently designed that we      
should know each other4  ,that is true1 
said the abb1 with a smile2 now ,i do   
not suppose ,i shall see you again      
before you start1 for ,i go to-morrow to
 ,mcon1 where ,i shall stay five days1  
time to see my nephews and to sign some 
law papers3 at any rate keep up your    
courage1 and do not forget to send me   
news of yourself4 ,write to me without  
much delay1 that ,i may find your letter
 when ,i return to ,paris4  ,and as     
,durtal thanked him for his constant    
kindness1 he took his hand and held it  
in his own4  ,say nothing about that1 he
 said2 you have only to thank ,him1     
whose fatherly impatience has broken the

 obstinate slumber of your ,faith2 you  
owe thanks to ,god only4  ,thank ,him in
 getting rid of your nature as soon as  
possible1 and leaving the house of your 
conscience empty for ,him4 ,the more you
 die to yourself the better will ,he    
live in you4 ,prayer is the most        
powerful ascetic means by which you can 
renounce yourself1 empty yourself and   
render yourself humble in this matter2  
pray therefore without ceasing at ,la   
,trappe4 ,implore our ,lady especially1 
for like myrrh which consumes the proud 
flesh of wounds1 she heals the ulcers of
 the soul2 ,i on my side will pray for  
you as best ,i can2 you can thus in your
 weakness lean1 so as not to fall1 on   
that firm and protecting pillar of      
prayer of which ,saint ,teresa speaks4  
,once again1 a safe journey to you2 we  
shall meet soon again1 my son1 good-bye4
  ,durtal remained much disturbed4 ,it  
is most tiresome1 he thought1 that this 
priest is leaving ,paris before me1 for 
indeed if ,i have need of spiritual help

 or counsel1 to whom shall ,i go8 ,it is
 clearly written that ,i must end as ,i 
have begun1 alone1 but 444 but 444      
solitude under these conditions is      
alarming4 ,i am no spoilt child1        
whatever the abb may say4  ,next morning
 ,durtal awoke ill2 furious neuralgia   
bored his temples like a gimlet2 he     
tried to stop it with antipyrine1 but   
this medicine in a large dose put his   
stomach out of order without abating the
 strokes of the machine which penetrated
 his skull4 ,he wandered about his      
rooms1 changing from one seat to        
another1 coiling himself up in an       
arm-chair1 getting up to lie down again1
 jumping from his bed in fits of        
sickness1 upsetting his furniture from  
time to time4  ,he could assign no      
precise cause for this attack2 he had   
slept his fill1 and had not exceeded in 
any way the night before4  ,he thought1 
with his head in his hands1 ,there are  
still two days counting to-day before ,i
 leave ,paris1 and very fit ,i am for   

it6 ,i shall not be in a state to travel
 by train1 and if ,i travel1 the food at
 ,la ,trappe will finish me4  ,he had a 
minute's comfort from the idea that     
through no fault of his own he might    
perhaps avoid his painful duty1 and     
remain at home2 but the reaction was    
immediate2 he understood that if he did 
not go1 he was lost2 the vacillation of 
his soul had become chronic1 the crisis 
of disgust of self1 the acute regret of 
an effort consented to with pain1 and   
suddenly missed1 the certainty that it  
would only be postponed for a time1 that
 he would have to pass again through    
alternations of revolt and terror1 and  
begin again to fight with himself for   
conviction4  ,admitting that ,i am not  
in a state to travel1 ,i have always the
 resource of making my confession to the
 abb when he returns1 and of            
communicating in ,paris1 he thought1 but
 he shook his head1 saying to himself   
once more that he felt and knew that was
 not his duty4 ,but then1 he said to    

,god3 since ,thou dost implant this idea
 in me so violently that ,i cannot even 
discuss it1 in spite of its entire      
common sense--for after all it is not   
necessary to immure myself in a         
,trappist monastery in order to         
reconcile myself to ,thee--then let me  
go6  ,and he spoke to ,god quietly4  ,my
 soul is an evil place1 sordid and      
infamous2 till now it has loved only    
perverse ways2 it has exacted from my   
wretched body the tithe of illicit      
pleasures and unholy joys1 it is worth  
little1 it is worth nothing1 and yet    
down there near ,thee1 if ,thou wilt    
succour me1 ,i think that ,i shall      
subdue it1 but if my body be sick1 ,i   
cannot force it to obey me2 this is     
worse than all1 ,i am disarmed if ,thou 
do not come to my aid4  ,take count of  
this1 ,o ,lord2 ,i know by experience   
that when ,i am ill-fed1 ,i have        
neuralgia2 humanly1 logically speaking1 
,i am certain to be horribly ill at     
,notre ,dame de l',atre2 nevertheless1  

if ,i can get about at all1 the day     
after to-morrow1 ,i will go all the     
same4  ,in default of love1 this is the 
sole proof ,i can give that ,i truly    
desire ,thee1 that truly ,i hope and    
believe in ,thee1 but then1 ,o ,lord1   
aid me4  ,he added sadly1 ,ah6 indeed ,i
 am no ,lidwine or ,catherine ,emmerich1
 who when ,thou didst strike them cried 
out1 ,more1 more6--,thou dost scarce    
touch me1 and ,i protest2 but what      
wouldest ,thou8 ,thou dost know better  
than ,i2 physical suffering breaks me   
down1 drives me to despair4  ,he went to
 sleep at last to kill the day in bed2  
slumbering to wake again suddenly from  
frightful nightmares4  ,the next day his
 head seemed empty and his heart feeble1
 but his neuralgia was less violent4 ,he
 rose1 saying to himself that he must   
eat1 though he was not hungry1 for fear 
his pain should return4 ,he went out and
 wandered in the ,luxembourg1 saying to 
himself that he must arrange his time1  
that after breakfast he would visit ,st4

 ,severin1 then he would go home and    
pack1 and afterwards finish the day at  
,notre ,dame des ,victoires4  ,the walk 
did him good1 his head was lighter1 and 
his heart free4 ,he went into a         
restaurant1 where because of the early  
hour nothing was ready2 he spent the    
time before a newspaper1 on a bench4    
,how often he had held papers thus      
without reading them1 how many evenings 
he had waited in cafs with his nose in  
an article1 thinking of other matters1  
at those times especially when he was   
striving with his vices2 when ,florence 
appeared to him1 still keeping the clear
 smile of a little girl on her way to   
school1 her eyes cast down1 her hands in
 the pockets of her apron4  ,suddenly   
the child changed into a ghoul who      
whirled round him wildly1 and made him  
silently understand the horror of his   
desires4444  ,all that was now far      
distant2 almost in one day the charm was
 broken1 without any real strife or true
 effort1 without inward struggles2 he   

had abstained from seeing her1 and now  
when she roused his memory again she was
 no more in fact than a recollection    
odious and sweet4  ,after all1 thought  
,durtal1 as he cut up his beefsteak1 ,i 
wonder what she thinks of me2 she must  
certainly suppose me dead or lost2      
happily ,i have never met her1 and she  
does not know my address4  ,well1 he    
went on1 there is no use in stirring the
 mud1 it will be time to cleanse it when
 ,i am at ,la ,trappe1 and he shuddered1
 for the idea of the confessor again    
took root in him1 and he was obliged to 
tell himself for the twentieth time that
 the expected never happens1 and to     
declare that he should find some good   
fellow of a monk who would listen to    
him2 then he was afraid again1 putting  
things at their worst1 and fancying     
himself turned out1 like a mangy dog4   
,he finished his breakfast1 and went to 
,st4 ,severin2 there the crisis declared
 itself1 the overcharged soul gave way1 
struck down by a congestion of sadness4 

,he lay on a chair in such a state of   
depression that he could think no more1 
he remained inert without the power of  
suffering1 till little by little the    
soul1 recovered from its torpor1 came to
 itself in a flood of tears4  ,these    
tears gave him solace2 he wept over his 
lot1 thought himself so unhappy1 so     
worthy of pity1 that he hoped still more
 for help1 yet he dare not address      
himself to ,christ1 whom he thought less
 accessible1 but he spoke in low tones  
to the ,virgin1 murmuring that prayer in
 which ,saint ,bernard reminds the      
,mother of ,christ that never in human  
memory was it heard that she abandoned  
any of those who sought her aid4  ,he   
left ,st4 ,severin1 consoled and more   
resolved1 and1 when once at home1 was   
taken up with preparations for          
departure4 ,afraid that he would find   
nothing he wanted down there1 he        
determined to stuff his portmanteau     
full2 he crammed into the corners sugar1
 packets of chocolate1 that he might try

 to deceive if needful the anguish of a 
fasting stomach1 took towels thinking   
there would be few at ,la ,trappe1      
prepared a stock of tobacco and matches2
 then besides books1 paper1 pencils1    
ink1 packets of antipyrine1 a phial of  
laudanum1 which he wrapped in           
handkerchiefs and wedged into his       
slippers4  ,when he had strapped his    
portmanteau1 he said to himself1 looking
 at the clock3 ,to-morrow at this time  
,i shall be jolting in a cab1 and my    
seclusion will be near at hand2 never   
mind1 ,i shall do well1 in anticipation 
of bodily ailment1 to ask for the       
confessor as soon as ,i get there1 and  
suppose that turns out badly1 ,i shall  
have time to make arrangements and take 
the train back at once4  ,all the same  
this will not prevent my having a       
wretched moment this evening when ,i    
enter ,notre ,dame des ,victoires1 but  
his anxieties and emotions vanished when
 the hour of ,benediction came4 ,he was 
seized by the giddy infection of the    

church1 and he wrapped1 steeped1 and    
lost himself in the prayer which arose  
from all those souls1 in the chant which
 went up from every mouth1 and when the 
monstrance was brought forward to make  
its sign in the air1 he felt a vast     
peace descend upon him4  ,at evening as 
he undressed he sighed3 ,to-morrow ,i   
shall lie down in a cell1 amazing when  
,i think of it6 ,i should have          
considered anyone mad1 who1 a few years 
ago1 had prophesied that ,i should take 
refuge in a ,trappist monastery2 yet now
 ,i am going there of my own accord1 and
 yet no1 ,i am going driven by an       
unknown power1 ,i am going as a whipped 
cur4  ,after all1 what a symptom of the 
time it is6 ,society must indeed be     
unclean1 if ,god has no longer the right
 to be hard1 and is reduced to pick up  
what ,he finds1 and to content ,himself 
with gathering to ,himself people like  
me6     ,,second ,,part4     ,,chapter  
,i4   ,durtal awoke1 gay and brisk1     
astonished at not hearing himself groan1

 when the moment had come in which he   
should set off for ,la ,trappe2 he was  
wonderfully reassured4 ,he tried to     
recollect himself1 and to pray1 but he  
felt his thoughts more scattered and    
wandering than usual2 he remained       
indifferent and unmoved4 ,surprised at  
this result1 he tried to examine        
himself1 and touched the void2 he was   
slack that morning1 in one of those     
sudden dispositions in which a man      
becomes a child again1 incapable of     
attention1 in which the wrong side of   
things disappears1 and everything       
distracts4  ,he dressed hastily1 got    
into a cab1 was too early at the        
station2 and there experienced a        
perfectly childish attack of vanity4    
,looking at the people who hurried      
through the waiting rooms1 thronged the 
ticket offices1 or resignedly followed  
their luggage1 he was not far from      
admiring himself4 ,if these travellers  
who think only of their pleasures or    
their business1 knew where ,i am going1 

he thought4  ,then he reproached himself
 for the stupidity of these reflections1
 and as soon as he was settled in his   
compartment1 in which he chanced to be  
alone1 he lighted a cigarette1 saying to
 himself1 ,let us profit at least by the
 time there is still for smoking1 and he
 began to wander1 to dream about the    
position of the monastery1 and rove     
about the neighbourhood of ,la ,trappe4 
,he remembered that a review had        
recently estimated the number of nuns   
and monks in ,france at two hundred     
thousand4  ,two hundred thousand        
persons1 who1 in such an epoch1 have    
understood the wickedness of the        
struggle for life1 the filth of sexual  
relations1 the horror of lyings-in1     
those are they who save the honour of   
the country1 he thought4  ,then1 passing
 at a bound from cloistered souls to the
 treatises he had put in his            
portmanteau1 he went on3 ,it is1 all the
 same1 curious how completely the       
temperament of ,french art rebels       

against ,mysticism6  ,all exalted       
writers are foreigners4 ,saint ,denys   
the ,areopagite was a ,greek2 ,eckhart1 
,tauler1 ,suso1 ,sister ,emmerich1 were 
,germans2 ,ruysbrck came from ,flanders2
 ,saint ,teresa1 ,saint ,john of the    
,cross1 ,saint ,marie d',agreda1 were   
,spaniards2 ,father ,faber was ,english2
 ,saint ,bonaventure1 ,angela of        
,foligno1 ,magdalen of ,pazzi1          
,catherine of ,genoa1 ,jacopo de        
,voragine1 were ,italians4444  ,ah6 he  
said1 struck by the last name he had    
cited1 ,i ought to have brought his     
,golden ,legend in my bag2 how was it ,i
 did not remember it1 for that book is1 
in fact1 the very crowning work of the  
,middle ,ages1 the stimulant for hours  
rendered languid by the prolonged       
uneasiness of fasting1 the simple aid of
 pious vigils8 ,for the most incredulous
 souls of our time1 the ,golden ,legend 
at least still seems like one of those  
pure parchments1 on which simple        
illuminators painted the faces of saints

 with gum water1 or white of egg on     
golden backgrounds4 ,jacopo de ,voragine
 is the ,jehan ,fouquet1 the ,andr      
,beaunevue1 of literary miniature1 of   
mystic prose6  ,it is quite absurd to   
have forgotten that book1 for it would  
have made me pass precious days1 like   
those of old1 in ,la ,trappe4  ,yes1 it 
is strange1 he thought1 returning on his
 thoughts1 and coming back to his first 
idea2 ,france can count religious       
authors1 more or less celebrated1 but   
very few mystical writers1 properly     
so-called1 and it is just the same also 
in painting4 ,the true ,early ,masters  
are ,flemish1 ,german or ,italian1 none 
are ,french1 for our ,burgundian ,school
 descended from the ,flemish4  ,no1 it  
cannot be denied1 the genius of our race
 cannot easily follow and explain how   
,god acts when ,he works in the central 
depths of the soul1 which is the ovary  
of thought1 the very source of          
conception2 it is refractory at         
explaining1 by the expressive power of  

words1 the crash or the silence of      
grace2 bursting forth in the domain     
which is wasted by sin1 it is inapt at  
extracting from that secret world1 works
 of psychology like those of ,saint     
,teresa and ,saint ,john of the ,cross1 
works of art1 like those of ,voragine or
 ,sister ,emmerich4  ,besides that our  
field is scarcely arable1 and our soil  
harsh1 where shall we now find the      
labourer who sows and harrows it1 who   
prepares not even a mystical harvest1   
but even any spiritual fruit1 capable of
 assuaging the hunger of the few who    
stray and are lost1 and fall from       
inanition in the icy desert of our time8
  ,he who should be the cultivator of   
that land1 the farmer of souls1 the     
priest1 has not strength to clear the   
ground4  ,the seminary has made him     
arbitrary and puerile1 life outside has 
made him lukewarm4 ,therefore it seems  
that ,god has withdrawn ,himself from   
him1 and the proof of this is that ,he  
has taken away all ability from the     

priesthood4 ,there are no priests now   
who have talent1 either in the pulpit or
 in books2 the laity have inherited that
 grace which was so common in the       
,church of the ,middle ,ages4 ,another  
example proves it still more1 priests   
make so few conversions4 ,in these days 
the being who pleases ,heaven does      
without them1 the ,saviour ,himself     
strikes him down1 handles him1 works    
directly on him4  ,the ignorance of the 
clergy1 their want of education1 their  
unintelligence of their surroundings1   
their dislike for ,mysticism1 their     
incomprehension of art1 have taken away 
all their influence on the aristocracy  
of souls4 ,their only action is now on  
the childish brains of bigots and       
pretenders2 and this is no doubt        
providential2 it is better so1 for if   
the priest became the master1 if he     
succeeded in raising and vivifying the  
wearisome tribe he manages1 it would be 
like a waterspout of clerical stupidity 
beating down on a country1 would be the 

end of all literature and all art in    
,france4  ,to save the ,church there    
remains the monk1 whom the priest       
detests1 for the life of the cloister is
 a constant reproach to his own         
existence1 continued ,durtal2 always    
supposing that my illusions are not     
again destroyed when ,i see a monastery 
444 but no1 ,i am lucky2 ,i have        
discovered in ,paris one of those few   
abbs who is neither indifferent nor a   
pedant2 why should ,i not1 in an abbey1 
come into contact with authentic monks8 
,he lighted a cigarette1 and looked at  
the landscape from the carriage window2 
the train was passing through fields in 
front of which the telegraph wires      
danced in puffs of steam2 the landscape 
was flat and uninteresting4 ,durtal fell
 back sulkily in his corner4  ,the      
arrival at the convent disturbs me1 he  
murmured2 since there are no useless    
words to proffer1 ,i shall confine      
myself to giving his letter to the      
,father ,guestmaster2 ah6 and then all  

will arrange itself4  ,he felt1 in fact1
 a perfect calm1 and was astonished at  
not finding in himself any disgust or   
fear1 at being almost in high spirits3  
,well1 my good priest was right in      
declaring that ,i was creating monsters 
in advance2 and he thought of the ,abb  
,gvresin1 was surprised that long as he 
had visited him1 he knew nothing        
whatever of his antecedents1 that he was
 no more intimate with him than on the  
very first day2 ,in fact1 it only rested
 with me to question him discreetly1 but
 the idea never entered my head3 it is  
true that our intercourse has been      
strictly limited to matters of religion 
and art2 this perpetual reserve does not
 create very thrilling friendships1 but 
it institutes a sort of ,jansenism of   
the affections which is not without     
charm4  ,in any case that ecclesiastic  
is a holy man2 he has not even that     
manner at once caressing and reserved of
 other priests4 ,apart from certain     
gestures1 his habit of rolling his arms 

in his cincture1 of wrapping his hands  
in his sleeves1 of liking to walk       
backwards when in conversation2 apart   
from his innocent mania of interlarding 
his phrases with ,latin1 he does not    
recall either the attitude or the       
unfashionable speech of his brethren4   
,he loves mysticism and plain song2 he  
is exceptional1 and therefore he must   
have been also carefully chosen for me  
in heaven4  ,ah well6 we must be getting
 near1 he sighed1 looking at his watch1 
,i am beginning to feel hungry2 come1   
that is all right1 we shall be at ,saint
 ,landry in a quarter of an hour4  ,he  
strummed on the windows of the carriage1
 saw the fields and woods fly past1     
smoked a cigarette or two1 took his bag 
from the rack1 at last arrived at the   
station and got out4  ,close to the tiny
 station he recognized the inn of which 
the abb had told him4 ,he found a good  
woman in the kitchen who said1 ,all     
right1 sir1 sit down1 they will put the 
horse to while you breakfast4  ,he fed  

himself on uneatable things1 they       
brought him a calf's head forgotten in a
 tub1 some cutlets that were high1      
vegetables blackened with gravy from the
 stove4  ,in his present mood he was    
amused at this infamous meal1 fell back 
upon a thin wine which rasped his       
throat1 and resignedly drank coffee     
which left a sediment of peat at the    
bottom of the cup4  ,then he climbed    
into a jolting car driven by a young    
man1 and the horse went off at a smart  
pace through the village and into the   
country4  ,on the way he asked the      
driver for some information about ,la   
,trappe1 but the peasant knew nothing4  
,i often go there1 he said1 but never   
enter1 the carriage stays at the gate1  
so you see ,i can tell you nothing4     
,they went for an hour rapidly through  
the lanes1 and the peasant saluted a    
roadmaker with his whip1 and said to    
,durtal1  ,they say that the eminets eat
 their bellies4  ,and as ,durtal asked  
what he meant1  ,they are idle dogs1    

they lie all the summer on their bellies
 in the shade4  ,and he said no more4   
,durtal thought of nothing2 he digested 
and smoked1 dizzy with the rumbling of  
the carriage4  ,at the end of another   
hour they came into the heart of the    
forest4  ,are we near8  ,oh1 not yet6   
,can we see ,la ,trappe from a distance8
  ,oh no1 you must have your nose just  
over it to see it1 it is quite in a     
bottom1 at the end of a lane1 like that1
 said the peasant1 pointing to a grassy 
lane into which they turned4  ,there is 
a fellow coming from the place1 he said1
 pointing out a vagabond1 who was       
crossing the copse at a great pace4     
,and he explained to ,durtal that every 
beggar had a right to food and even to  
lodging at ,la ,trappe2 they gave them  
the ordinary fare of the community in a 
room close to the brother porter's      
lodge1 but did not let them into the    
convent4  ,when ,durtal asked him the   
opinion which the villagers round about 
had of the monks1 the peasant was       

evidently afraid of compromising        
himself1 for he answered1  ,some say    
nothing about them4  ,durtal began to be
 rather weary1 when suddenly as they    
turned out of a lane1 he saw an immense 
building below him4  ,there is ,la      
,trappe6 said the peasant1 gathering his
 reins for the descent4  ,from the      
height where he was1 ,durtal looked over
 the roofs1 and saw a large garden1 with
 thickets1 and in front of them a       
formidable crucifix4  ,then the vision  
disappeared1 the carriage again went    
through the wood1 descending by zig-zag 
roads where the foliage intercepted the 
view4  ,they came at last1 by long      
circuits1 to an open place1 at the end  
of which rose a wall with a large gate  
in the middle4 ,the carriage stopped4   
,you have only to ring1 said the        
peasant1 showing ,durtal an iron chain  
along the wall2 and he added1  ,shall ,i
 come for you again to-morrow8  ,no4    
,then you remain here8 and the peasant  
looked at him with astonishment1 turned 

about1 and drove up the hill4  ,durtal  
remained as one crushed1 his portmanteau
 at his feet1 before the door2 his heart
 beat violently2 all his assurance1 all 
his enthusiasm1 had vanished1 and he    
stammered3 ,what will happen to me      
within8  ,and with a swift feeling of   
dread1 there passed before him the      
terrible life of the ,trappists2 the    
body ill-nourished1 exhausted from want 
of sleep1 prostrate for hours on the    
pavement2 the soul trembling1 squeezed  
like a sponge in the hand1 drilled1     
examined1 ransacked even to its smallest
 folds2 and at the end of its failure of
 an existence1 thrown like a wreck      
against this rude rock1 into the silence
 of a prison1 and the dreadful stillness
 of the tomb6  ,my ,god1 my ,god1 have  
pity upon me6 said he1 as he wiped his  
brow4  ,mechanically he looked around1  
as if he expected some help2 the roads  
were deserted and the woods were empty2 
no sound was heard in the country1 or in
 the monastery4  ,at any rate ,i must   

make up my mind to ring2 and1 his limbs 
sinking under him1 he pulled the chain4 
,the sound of the bell1 hard1 rusty1    
grumbling1 sounded on the other side of 
the wall4  ,get up and don't be a fool1 
he said to himself1 as he heard the     
clatter of a pair of sabots behind the  
door4  ,this opened1 and a very old     
monk1 clad in the brown cloth of the    
,capuchins1 looked at him inquiringly4  
,i come to make a retreat1 and ,i wish  
to see ,father ,etienne4  ,the monk     
bowed1 took up the portmanteau1 and made
 a sign to ,durtal to follow him4 ,he   
went with bent head and short steps     
across an orchard4 ,they reached a      
grating1 passed on the right of the vast
 building a sort of dilapidated chateau1
 flanked by two wings advancing on a    
court4  ,the brother entered the wing   
close to the grating4 ,durtal followed  
him along a corridor into which several 
grey doors opened2 on one of these he   
read the word ,auditorium4 ,the         
,trappist stopped before it1 lifted the 

wooden latch1 ushered ,durtal into the  
room1 and after some minutes he heard   
repeated calls on the bell4  ,durtal sat
 down and looked at this gloomy chamber1
 for the window was half closed by      
shutters4 ,there was little furniture2  
the most important a dining-table with  
an old cover2 in the corner1 a          
prie-,dieu above which was nailed a     
figure of ,saint ,antony of ,padua      
rocking the infant ,jesus in his arms2 a
 large crucifix on the other wall1 and  
here and there were placed two          
high-backed chairs and four ordinary    
chairs4  ,durtal took from his          
pocket-book the letter of introduction  
to the father4 ,what sort of reception  
will he give me8 he asked himself2 he at
 any rate can speak2 well1 we shall soon
 see1 he said1 as he heard steps4  ,a   
monk in white with a black scapular     
whose two ends fell1 one on his         
shoulders1 the other on his breast1     
appeared2 he was young and smiling4  ,he
 read the letter1 then he took ,durtal's

 hand1 and led him in silent            
astonishment across the court to the    
other wing of the building1 opened a    
door1 dipped his finger in a holy-water 
stoup1 and offered it to him4  ,they    
were in a chapel4 ,the monk invited     
,durtal by a sign to kneel on a step    
before the altar1 and he prayed in a low
 voice2 he then rose1 returned slowly to
 the threshold1 offered ,durtal holy    
water again1 still without opening his  
lips1 and leading him by the hand they  
went the way they came to the           
,auditorium4  ,there1 he inquired after 
the health of the ,abb ,gvresin1 seized 
the portmanteau1 and mounted an immense 
staircase falling into ruin4 ,at the top
 of this staircase1 which had only one  
story1 there extended a vast landing    
bounded at each of its extremities by a 
door4  ,father ,etienne entered that on 
the right1 crossed a broad vestibule1   
and led ,durtal into a room1 which a    
ticket printed in large letters placed  
under the invocation of ,st4 ,benedict1 

and said1 ,i am sorry1 sir1 to be only  
able to put at your disposal this room1 
which is not very comfortable4  ,but it 
will do very well1 said ,durtal1 and the
 view is charming1 he continued1        
approaching the window4  ,at least you  
will be in good air1 said the monk1     
opening the casement4  ,below stretched 
the orchard through which ,durtal had   
passed under the conduct of the brother 
porter4 ,an enclosure full of apple     
trees stunted and clipped1 silvered by  
lichens1 and gilt by moss2 then beyond  
the monastery1 and above the walls1 rose
 fields of clover intersected by a great
 white road1 extending to the horizon1  
which was notched by the foliage of     
trees4  ,you will see1 sir1 ,father     
,etienne went on1 if you need anything  
in this cell1 and tell me quite simply1 
will you not8 for otherwise we should   
heap up regret for both of us1 for you  
who have only to ask for what might be  
useful to you1 for me who should only   
discover it later and be sorry for my   

forgetfulness4  ,durtal looked at him   
reassured by this frank greeting2 he was
 a young priest1 about thirty years old4
 ,his face bright1 and finely cut1 was  
streaked with red fibres on the cheeks2 
this monk wore a beard1 and round his   
shaven head was a crown of brown hair4  
,he spoke somewhat rapidly1 and smiled1 
with his hands pushed into the large    
leathern belt round his waist4 ,i will  
come back directly1 for ,i have some    
important work to finish1 he said2 try  
to make yourself at home as much as     
possible1 and if you have time glance   
over the rule which you have to follow  
in this monastery--it is written on one 
of these cards on the table2 we will    
talk about it after you have mastered   
it1 if you like4  ,and he left ,durtal  
alone4  ,he soon made an inventory of   
the room2 it was very high and extremely
 narrow like a gun-barrel1 the door was 
at one end1 the window at the other4    
,at the bottom1 in a corner1 near the   
casement1 was a little iron bed1 and a  

small round table in chestnut wood4 ,at 
the foot of the bed which stood along   
the wall was a prie-,dieu in faded rep1 
upon which was a crucifix1 and a branch 
of dried fir below it2 on the same side 
was a table of white wood covered with a
 towel1 on which were placed an ewer1 a 
basin1 and a glass4 ,on the opposite    
wall was a wardrobe1 and by the         
fireplace1 on the mantelpiece of which a
 crucifix was placed1 was a table       
opposite the bed near the window2 three 
straw chairs completed the furniture of 
this room4 ,i shall never have water    
enough to wash in1 thought ,durtal1     
gauging the miniature jug1 which held   
about a pint2 since ,father ,etienne    
shows himself so obliging1 ,i must ask  
him for a larger ration4 ,he unpacked   
his portmanteau1 undressed1 put on      
flannel instead of his starched shirt1  
arranged his toilet things on the       
washing-stand1 folded his linen in the  
wardrobe2 then sat down1 looked around  
the cell1 and thought it sufficiently   

comfortable1 and above all very clean4  
,he then went towards the table on which
 were laid a ream of ruled paper1 an    
inkstand1 and some pens2 he was grateful
 for this attention of the monk1 who    
knew no doubt by the ,abb ,gvresin's    
letter that his business was writing1   
opened two volumes bound in leather and 
shut them again4 ,the one was ,the      
,introduction to the ,devout ,life1 by  
,saint ,francis de ,sales1 the other was
 ,manresa1 or ,the ,spiritual ,exercises
 of ,saint ,ignatius of ,loyola1 and he 
arranged his own books on the table4    
,then he took up1 just as it came1 one  
of the cards spread on the table and    
read3--       ,exercises of the         
,community for ordinary days--from      
,easter to the      ,invention of the   
,cross in ,september4            ,rise4 
#b4           ,prime and ,mass4  #e4ae4 
,work after the ,chapter4           ,end
 of work and leisure time4  #i4         
,sext4  #aa4           ,angelus and     
,dinner4  #aa4cj4           ,siesta     

after ,dinner4           ,end of        
,siesta4  #a4cj4           ,none and    
work1 five minutes after waking4        
,end of work and leisure4  #d4cj4       
,vespers followed by prayer4  #e4ae4    
,supper and leisure4  #f4               
,compline4  #g4be4           ,retire to 
rest4  #h4  ,he turned the card1 and on 
the other side was a new horary1        
entitled3--       ,winter ,exercises1   
from the ,invention of the ,cross in    
,september to      ,easter4  ,the hour  
of rising was the same1 but bed-time was
 an hour earlier2 dinner was changed    
from #aa4cj to #b2 siesta and supper at 
#f o'clock were suppressed2 the         
canonical hours were the same1 except   
vespers and compline1 which were changed
 from #e4ae and #g4be to #d4cj and      
#f4ae4  ,it is not pleasant to drag     
oneself from bed in the middle of the   
night1 sighed ,durtal1 but ,i am        
inclined to think that the ,retreatants 
are not subject to this rule of         
wakefulness1 and he took up another     

card4 ,this must be the one intended for
 me1 he said1 reading the head of the   
card3--  ,rules of ,retreat from ,easter
 to the ,invention of the ,cross in     
,september4  ,let us look at these rules
 rather more closely4  ,he examined the 
two tables1 brought together1 one for   
the morning1 and one for the evening4   
,,morning4            #d4     ,rise at  
the ,angelus bell4           #d4cj4     
,prayer and ,meditation4                
#e4ae4   ,prime and ,mass4              
#f-g4    ,examination of ,conscience4   
#g4      ,breakfast4           #g4cj4   
,way of the ,cross4           #h4       
,sext and ,none4           #h4cj4       
,second ,meditation4           #i4      
,spiritual ,reading4           #aa4     
,adoration and ,examination4 ,tierce4   
#aa4cj4  ,angelus4 ,dinner4 ,recreation4
           #ab4ae4  ,siesta4 ,absolute  
,silence4             ,,evening4        
#a4cj4   ,end of ,siesta4 ,rosary4      
#b4      ,vespers and ,compline4        
#c4      ,third ,meditation4            

#c4ae4   ,spiritual ,reading4           
#d4ae4   ,matins and ,lauds4            
#e4ae4   ,reflections4 ,choir ,vespers4 
#e4cj4   ,examination and ,prayer4      
#f4      ,supper and ,recreation4       
#g4      ,litanies4 ,absolute ,silence4 
#g4ae4   ,assist at ,compline4          
#g4cj4   ,salve ,regina4 ,angelus4      
#g4de4   ,private ,examination4 ,retire 
to rest4  ,this at any rate is more     
practical--four o'clock in the morning  
is an almost possible hour1 but ,i do   
not understand it1 the canonical hours  
on this tablet do not agree with those  
of the monks1 and then why these double 
,vespers and ,compline8 ,lastly1 these  
little points in which you are invited  
to meditate so many minutes1 to read so 
many more1 scarcely suit me4 ,my mind is
 scarcely malleable enough to run in    
those channels--it is true that after   
all ,i am free to do as ,i please1 for  
no one can verify what tricks ,i may    
play1 can know1 for instance1 if ,i     
meditate4444  ,ah1 here is again a      

regulation at the back1 he went on1 as  
he turned the card1 the regulation for  
,september1 ,i need not trouble myself  
about it1 it differs1 moreover1 little  
from the other2 but here is a postscript
 which concerns both horaries4          
,,note4       #a4 ,those who are not    
bound to say the ,breviary will say the 
,little      ,office of the ,blessed    
,virgin4       #b4 ,the ,retreatants are
 requested to make their ,confessions at
 an      early date1 in order to have   
their mind more free for meditation4    
#c4 ,after each meditation an analogous 
chapter of the ,imitation must      be  
read4       #d4 ,the best time for      
confessions and the ,way of the ,cross  
is from      #f-i in the morning1 #b-e  
in the afternoon1 and in summer from #i 
in      the morning till #e in the      
afternoon4       #e4 ,to read the table 
of notices4       #f4 ,it is well to be 
punctual at meals to keep no one        
waiting4       #g4 ,the ,father         
,guestmaster alone is charged with      

providing for the      wants of guests4 
#h4 ,guests may ask for books for the   
retreat1 if they have none              
themselves4  ,confession6 ,he saw this  
word only in the whole series of rules4 
,he must at once have recourse to it4   
,he felt a cold shiver down his back2   
and knew that he must speak to ,father  
,etienne about it as soon as he         
returned4  ,he had not long to wrestle  
with himself1 for the monk entered      
almost at once and said1  ,have you     
noticed anything you need1 and the      
presence of which may be useful to you8 
,no1 ,father2 yet if you could let me   
have a little more water4  ,nothing is  
easier2 ,i will send you up a large     
pitcher every morning4  ,thank you 444  
see1 ,i have been studying the rules4   
,i will at once put you at ease1 said   
the monk4 ,you are compelled to nothing 
but the strictest punctuality4 ,you must
 follow the canonical offices to the    
letter4 ,as to the exercises marked on  
the card1 they are not of obligation2   

they may be useful1 as they are laid    
down1 for people who are very young and 
devoid of all initiative1 but1 as ,i    
think at least1 they somewhat hamper    
others1 and as a general rule we do not 
trouble the retreatants here1 we let    
solitude act on them2 it belongs to     
yourself to discriminate and distinguish
 the best mode of occupying your time   
holily4 ,therefore ,i will not impose on
 you any of the reading laid down on    
this card1 and only take leave to get   
you to say the ,little ,office of the   
,blessed ,virgin4 ,have you it8  ,here  
it is1 said ,durtal1 holding out a bound
 book4  ,your volume is charming1 said  
,father ,etienne1 as he turned over the 
pages exquisitely printed in red and    
black4 ,he paused at one of them1 and   
read aloud the third lesson of ,matins4 
,is it not fine8 he cried4 ,a sudden joy
 sprang up in his face2 his eyes grew   
bright1 his hands trembled on the cover4
 ,yes1 he said1 closing it1 read this   
office1 here especially1 for you know   

our true patroness1 the true ,abbot of  
the ,trappists1 is the ,blessed ,virgin6
  ,after a silence he continued3 ,i have
 fixed a week as the duration of your   
retreat1 in the letter ,i sent to the   
,abb ,gvresin1 but ,i need not say that 
if you are not too weary here1 you can  
stay as long as seems good to you4  ,i  
hope to be able to prolong my stay among
 you1 but this must depend upon the way 
in which my body stands the struggle2 my
 stomach is somewhat weak1 and ,i am not
 without some fear2 ,i shall1 therefore1
 be much obliged to you if you will let 
me see the confessor as soon as         
possible4  ,good2 you shall see him     
to-morrow4 ,i will tell you the time    
this evening1 after compline4 ,as for   
the food1 if you think it insufficient1 
,i will see that you have an extra egg1 
but there ceases the discretion ,i can  
exercise1 for the rule is precise1 no   
fish1 no flesh--vegetables1 and ,i am   
bound to admit they are not first rate4 
,but you shall judge1 and1 indeed1 as it

 is just upon supper-time1 ,i will show 
you the room where you will dine in     
company with ,m4 ,bruno4  ,and as they  
descended the staircase1 the monk went  
on3 ,m4 ,bruno is a person who has      
renounced the world1 and1 without having
 taken the vows1 lives enclosed4 ,he is 
what our rule calls an oblate1 he is a  
holy and learned man1 whom you will     
certainly like2 you can talk with him   
during the meal4  ,ah6 said ,durtal1 and
 before and after ,i must keep silence8 
,yes1 unless you have anything to ask1  
in which case ,i shall be always at your
 service1 ready to answer you4 ,as for  
that question of silence1 as for those  
of the hours of rising and going to bed1
 and the offices1 the rule allows no    
modification1 it must be observed to the
 letter4  ,good1 said ,durtal1 a little 
taken aback by the decided tone of the  
,father1 but ,i saw on my card a note   
directing me to consult a table of      
regulations1 and ,i have not that table4
  ,it hangs on the wall of the          

staircase1 near your room2 you can read 
it when your head is rested to-morrow4  
,will you go in8 he said1 opening a door
 in the lower corridor1 just opposite   
that of the auditorium4  ,durtal bowed  
to an old gentleman who came to meet    
him2 the monk introduced them and       
vanished4  ,the dishes were on the      
table1 two poached eggs1 a bowl of rice1
 another of ,french beans1 and a pot of 
honey4  ,m4 ,bruno said grace1 and      
proceeded to help ,durtal4  ,he gave him
 an egg4  ,this is a poor supper for a  
,parisian1 he said1 with a smile4  ,ah1 
as long as there is an egg and wine it  
is bearable4 ,i was afraid1 ,i confess1 
that my only drink would be cold water4 
,they talked as friends4  ,the man was  
pleasant1 and distinguished1 with       
ascetic features1 but with a bright     
smile1 lighting up a grave face1 yellow 
and wrinkled4  ,he lent himself with    
perfect good grace to ,durtal's         
inquiries1 and told him1 that after a   
tempestuous life1 he felt that ,grace   

had touched him1 and he had retired from
 the world to expiate by years of       
austerities and silence his own sins and
 those of others4  ,and you have never  
grown tired of being here8  ,never1     
during the five years that ,i have spent
 in this cloister1 time1 cut up as it is
 at ,la ,trappe1 seems short4  ,you are 
present at all the exercises of the     
,community8  ,yes2 ,i only replace      
manual labour by meditation in my cell2 
my position as oblate1 however1         
dispenses me1 if ,i so wish1 from       
getting up at two o'clock to follow the 
night office1 but it is a great joy to  
me to recite the magnificent            
,benedictine ,psalter before            
daybreak--but you are listening to me1  
and eat nothing4 ,let me give you a     
little more rice4  ,no1 thank you1 but  
,i will take1 if you will allow me1 a   
spoonful of honey4  ,the food is not    
bad1 he said1 but ,i do not quite       
understand the same strange and         
identical taste in all the dishes2 it   

smells1 how shall ,i express it8 like   
burnt fat or suet4  ,that is the warm   
oil with which the vegetables are       
dressed1 you will soon grow accustomed  
to it1 in a couple of days you will     
cease to notice it4  ,but in what       
consists1 precisely1 the part of an     
oblate8  ,his life is less austere1 and 
more contemplative than that of a monk2 
he may travel if he will1 and though he 
is not bound by vows1 he shares in all  
the spiritual advantages of the order4  
,in old times the rule admitted those   
whom it styled 'familiars4'  ,those were
 oblates who received the tonsure1 wore 
a distinct costume1 and pronounced the  
three greater vows2 they led in fact a  
mitigated life1 half layman1 half monk4 
,this rule1 which still exists among the
 true ,benedictines1 has disappeared    
among the ,trappists since the year     
#abic1 the date at which it was         
suppressed by the ,chapter ,general4    
,at the present time1 in the ,cistercian
 abbeys are only the fathers1 the lay   

brothers1 the oblates1 when there are   
any1 and the peasants employed in field 
labour4  ,the lay brothers1 ,i suppose1 
are those whose heads are completely    
shaven1 and who are clothed in a brown  
habit1 like the monk who opened the door
 to me8  ,yes2 they do not sing office1 
and have only manual tasks4  ,by the    
way1 the rule for retreat which ,i read 
in my room does not seem clear4 ,as far 
as ,i recall it1 it doubles certain     
offices1 places ,matins at four in the  
afternoon1 and ,vespers at two2 in any  
case the horary is not the same as that 
of the ,trappists2 how am ,i to         
understand and reconcile them8  ,you    
have only to take into consideration the
 exercises set out on your card2 ,father
 ,etienne must1 ,i think1 have said so2 
that mould was only made for people who 
cannot occupy and guide themselves4     
,that explains to you how1 to prevent   
them from becoming idle1 the priests'   
breviary has been in some degree taken  
to pieces1 and their time has been      

distributed in small slices1 so that1   
for instance1 they may be obliged to    
recite the psalms for ,matins at hours  
when there is no psalm4  ,dinner was    
over2 ,m4 ,bruno said grace1 and said to
 ,durtal1  ,you have twenty minutes free
 from now to ,compline2 you can make    
acquaintance with the garden and woods4 
,he bowed politely and went out4  ,i can
 smoke a cigarette1 thought ,durtal1    
when he was alone4 ,he took his hat and 
left the room4 ,night was coming on4 ,he
 passed through the great court1 skirted
 a small building surmounted by a long  
chimney-stack1 discovered by the smell  
that it was a chocolate factory1 and    
entered an avenue of trees4  ,the sky   
was so obscure that he could scarcely   
see the group of trees he entered1 and  
not seeing anyone he rolled his         
cigarettes1 and smoked them slowly1 with
 enjoyment1 consulting his watch from   
time to time by his cigar lights4  ,he  
was astonished at the silence of the    
monastery2 not a sound1 however hushed1 

however distant1 save now and then a    
gentle rustle of boughs2 he went to the 
side whence the noise came1 and saw a   
piece of water1 on which a swan was     
sailing1 which came towards him4  ,he   
saw its white plumage oscillate against 
the darkness which it displaced with a  
splash1 when a bell sounded with slow   
strokes2 ,ah1 said he1 looking again at 
his watch1 that is the hour of          
,compline4  ,he went to the chapel1     
which was still empty2 and he took      
occasion of the solitude to examine it  
at his ease4  ,it was in the form of a  
truncated cross1 a cross without a foot1
 rounded at the summit1 holding out two 
square arms1 with a door at either end4 
,the upper part of the cross1 below a   
cupola painted blue1 formed a little    
circular apse1 round which was a circle 
of stalls placed back against the wall2 
in the middle rose a great altar of     
white marble1 surmounted by wooden      
chandeliers1 flanked on the left and    
right by candelabra also of wood1 placed

 on marble shafts4  ,the lower part of  
the altar was hollow1 and closed in     
front by a glass1 behind which appeared 
a shrine in ,gothic style1 which        
reflected in its copper gilt mirror the 
light of the lamps4  ,the apse opened   
into a large porch1 with three steps in 
front1 on the arms of the cross1 which  
were prolonged into a kind of vestibule 
serving at once as nave and side aisles 
to this stumpy church4  ,the hollowed   
arms1 at their extremities near the     
doors1 held two very small chapels set  
back in niches painted blue1 like the   
cupola1 containing above two stone      
altars without ornament1 two mediocre   
statues1 one of ,saint ,joseph1 the     
other of ,christ4  ,lastly1 a fourth    
altar1 dedicated to the ,virgin1 was    
situated in this vestibule opposite the 
steps leading to the apse1 opposite     
therefore to the high altar4 ,it was    
relieved against a window whose lights  
represented ,saint ,bernard in white on 
one hand1 and ,saint ,benedict in black 

on the other1 and it appeared to recede 
into the church1 because of the two     
ranges of seats which stood on the left 
and right before the two other little   
chapels1 leaving only room necessary to 
pass along the vestibule1 or to go in a 
straight line from this altar of the    
,virgin in the apse1 to the high altar4 
,this sanctuary is alarmingly ugly1 said
 ,durtal1 who had sat down on a bench in
 front of the statue of ,saint ,joseph4 
,to judge by the few subjects carved    
along the walls1 this edifice dates from
 the time of ,louis ,,xvi41 an          
abominable date for a church4  ,he was  
disturbed in these thoughts by the sound
 of bells1 and at the same time all the 
doors were opened2 one situated in the  
apse itself1 on the left of the altar1  
gave passage to about half a score      
monks1 wrapped in great white cowls1 who
 spread out into the choir1 and occupied
 the stalls on either side4  ,then1 by  
the two doors of the vestibule1 came a  
crowd of brown monks1 who knelt at the  

benches on the two sides of ,our ,lady's
 altar4  ,durtal had some of them near  
him2 but they bowed their heads1 and    
joined their hands1 he dared not observe
 them2 moreover1 the vestibule had      
become almost dark1 the light was       
concentrated in the choir1 where the    
lamps were kindled4  ,he could make out 
the faces of the white monks in their   
stalls in the part of the apse he could 
see1 and among them he recognized       
,father ,etienne on his knees near a    
short monk2 but another at the end of   
the stalls near the porch1 almost       
opposite the altar1 and in full light1  
attracted him4  ,he was tall and strong1
 and looked like an ,arab in his white  
burnous4 ,durtal could only see him in  
profile1 and he distinguished a long    
grey beard1 a shaven skull1 surrounded  
by the monastic crown1 a high forehead1 
and a nose like an eagle's beak4 ,he had
 a grand appearance1 with his imperious 
features1 and his fine figure as it     
swayed under the cowl4  ,that is        

probably the abbot of ,la ,trappe1      
thought ,durtal1 and he felt certain    
when this monk struck a little bell     
hidden under the desk before him1 and   
directed the office4  ,all the monks    
bowed to the altar2 the abbot recited   
the opening prayers1 then there was a   
pause1 and1 from the other side of the  
apse1 which ,durtal could not see1 rose 
the frail voice of an old man1 a voice  
which had returned to the clear tones of
 childhood1 but was just a little       
cracked1 growing higher as it declaimed 
the antiphon1  ,deus in adjutorium meum 
intende4  ,and the other side of the    
choir1 that on which were ,father       
,etienne and the abbot1 answered1       
scanning the syllables very slowly1 with
 voices of bass pitch1--  ,domine ad    
adjuvandum me festina4  ,and all bowed  
their heads over the folios placed      
before them1 and took up the words1--   
,gloria ,patri et ,filio et ,spiritui   
,sancto4  ,and they lifted their heads  
while the other part of the ,fathers    

pronounced the response1 ,sicut erat in 
principio1 etc4  ,the office began4  ,it
 was not chanted but declaimed1 now     
rapid and now slow4 ,the side of the    
choir which ,durtal saw made all the    
vowels sharp and short letters2 the     
other1 on the contrary1 altered them all
 into long letters and seemed to cap all
 the ,os with a circumflex accent4 ,it  
might be said that one side had the     
pronunciation of the ,south1 the other  
that of the ,north2 thus chanted1 the   
office became strange1 and ended by     
rocking like an incantation1 and        
soothing the soul which fell asleep in  
the rolling of the verses1 interrupted  
by the recurrent doxology like a refrain
 after the last verse of each of the    
psalms4  ,ah well1 ,i cannot understand 
it1 thought ,durtal1 who had his        
,compline at his fingers' ends1 they are
 not singing the ,roman office at all4  
,the fact is that one of the psalms was 
wanting4 ,he caught indeed1 at one      
moment1 the hymn of ,saint ,ambrose1 the

 ,te lucis ante terminum1 sung to a     
simple and rugged tune of the old plain 
chant1 and yet the last stanza was not  
the same2 but he lost himself afresh1   
and waited for the ,short ,lessons and  
the ,nunc ,dimittis which never came4   
,yet ,compline does not vary like       
,vespers1 he thought1 ,i must ask       
,father ,etienne the meaning of this    
to-morrow4  ,then his reflections were  
disturbed by a young white monk1 who    
passed him1 genuflected to the altar1   
and lighted two tapers4  ,suddenly all  
rose1 and with a great shout1 the ,salve
 ,regina shook the arches4  ,durtal was 
affected as he listened to this         
admirable chant1 which had nothing in   
common with that which is bellowed at   
,paris in the churches4 ,this was at    
once flexible and ardent1 sustained by  
such suppliant adoration1 that it seemed
 to concentrate in itself alone1 the    
immemorial hope of humanity1 and its    
eternal lamentation4  ,chanted without  
accompaniment1 unsustained by the organ1

 by voices indifferent to themselves and
 blending in one only1 masculine and    
deep1 it rose with quiet boldness1      
sprang up with irresistible flight      
towards ,our ,lady1 then made1 as it    
were1 a return upon itself1 and its     
confidence was lessened2 it advanced    
more tremblingly1 but so different1 so  
humble1 that it felt itself forgiven1   
and dared then in passionate appeals to 
demand the undeserved pleasures of      
heaven4  ,it was the absolute triumph of
 the neumes1 those repetitions of notes 
on the same syllable1 the same word1    
which the ,church invented to paint the 
excess of that interior joy or sorrow   
which words cannot render2 it was a     
rush1 a going forth of the soul1        
escaping in the passionate voices1      
breathed forth by the bodies of the     
monks as they stood and trembled4       
,durtal followed in his prayer-book this
 work with so short a text1 so long a   
chant2 and as he listened to1 and read  
it with recollection1 this magnificent  

prayer seemed to decompose as a whole1  
and to represent three different states 
of the soul1 to exhibit the triple phase
 of humanity1 during its youth1 its     
maturity1 and its decline2 it was1 in a 
word1 an essential summary of prayer for
 all ages4  ,first1 there was the       
canticle of exultation1 the joyous      
welcome of a being yet little1          
stammering forth respectful caresses1   
petting with gentle words1 and fondness 
of a child who seeks to coax his        
mother--this is the ,salve ,regina1     
,mater misericordi1 vita1 dulcedo et    
spes nostra1 salve4 ,then the soul so   
candid1 so simply happy1 has grown1 and 
knowing the wilful failings of thought1 
the repeated loss through sin1 joins her
 hands1 and asks1 sobbing1 for help4    
,she adores no longer with a smile1 but 
with tears2 it is ,ad te clamamus1      
exsules filii ,hevae2 ad te suspiramus1 
gementes et flentes in hac lachrymarum  
valle4 ,at last old age comes2 the soul 
lies1 tormented by the memory of        

counsels neglected1 by regret for lost  
graces2 and having become weaker1 and   
more full of fears1 is alarmed before   
her deliverance1 before the destruction 
of that prison of the flesh which she   
feels at hand1 and then she thinks of   
the eternal death of those whom the     
,judge condemns4 ,on her knees she      
implores the ,advocatress of earth1 the 
,consultrix of heaven2 it is the ,eia   
ergo ,advocata nostra2 illos tuos       
misericordes oculos ad nos converte2 et 
,jesum1 benedictum fructum ventris tui1 
nobis post hoc exilium ostende4  ,and to
 that essence of prayer composed by     
,peter of ,compostella or ,hermann      
,contract1 ,saint ,bernard1 in an excess
 of hyperdulia1 added the three         
invocations at the end1 ,o clemens1 ,o  
pia1 ,o dulcis ,virgo ,maria1 sealing   
the inimitable prose with a triple seal1
 by those three cries of love which     
recall the hymn to the affectionate     
adoration of its beginning4  ,this is   
unprecedented1 thought ,durtal1 as the  

,trappists chanted these sweet and eager
 appeals2 the neumes were prolonged on  
the ,os1 which passed through all the   
colours of the soul1 through the whole  
register of sound2 and these            
interjections summed up again1 in the   
series of notes which clothed them1 the 
inventory of the human soul1 which now  
recapitulated the whole body of the     
hymn4  ,and suddenly at the word ,maria1
 at the glorious cry of that name1 the  
chant fell1 the tapers were             
extinguished1 the monks fell on their   
knees1 a silence like death came upon   
the chapel4 ,the bells rang slowly1 and 
the ,angelus unfolded under the arches  
the separated petals of its clear       
sounds4  ,all1 now prostrate1 their     
faces buried in their hands1 were       
praying1 and this lasted long2 then the 
sound of the little hand-bell was heard1
 everyone rose1 genuflected to the      
altar1 and in silent file the monks     
disappeared through the door in the     
apse4  ,ah6 the true creator of plain   

music1 the unknown author who cast into 
the brain of man the seed of plain      
chant1 was the ,holy ,ghost1 said       
,durtal1 sick and dazzled1 with tears in
 his eyes4  ,m4 ,bruno1 whom he had not 
noticed in the chapel1 came and joined  
him4 ,they crossed the court without    
speaking1 and when they had entered the 
guest-house1 ,m4 ,bruno lighted two     
candles1 gave one to ,durtal1 and said  
gravely1 ,i wish you a good night1 sir4 
,durtal went up the staircase behind    
him4 ,they bowed again on the landing1  
and ,durtal entered his cell4  ,the wind
 blew under the door1 and the room1     
scarcely lighted by the low flame of the
 candle1 seemed to him gloomy1 the high 
ceiling vanished in shadow1 and rained  
down darkness4  ,durtal sat down by his 
bed1 discouraged4  ,and yet he was      
thrust forward by one of those impulses 
it is impossible to translate into      
words1 in which it seems that the heart 
swells almost to bursting1 and before   
his inability to get away and fly from  

self1 ,durtal ended by becoming a child 
again1 by weeping without definite      
cause1 simply from the need of relieving
 himself by tears4  ,he sank down at the
 prie-,dieu1 expecting he knew not what1
 which never came2 then before the      
crucifix which stretched its arms above 
him1 he began to speak to ,him1 and to  
say to ,him in low tones3  ,father1 ,i  
have driven the swine from my being1 but
 they have trampled on me1 and covered  
me with mire1 and the very stye is in   
ruins4 ,have pity on me1 for ,i return  
from a distant land4 ,have mercy1 ,o    
,lord1 on the swine-herd without a      
house4 ,i have entered into ,thy house2 
do not send me away1 be to me a kindly  
host1 wash me4  ,ah1 he said suddenly1  
that reminds me that ,i have not seen   
,father ,etienne1 who was to tell me the
 hour at which the confessor would      
receive me to-morrow2 he has no doubt   
forgotten to ask him2 so much the       
better4 ,at any rate it will put it off 
for a day2 my soul is so cramped that ,i

 have indeed need of rest4  ,he         
undressed1 sighing3 ,i must be up at    
half-past three to be in the chapel at  
four3 ,i have no time to lose if ,i wish
 to sleep4 ,if only ,i have no neuralgia
 to-morrow1 and can wake before dawn6   
,,chapter ,,ii4   ,he passed a most     
terrible night2 it was so special1 so   
dreadful1 that he did not remember1 in  
the whole of his existence1 to have     
endured such anguish1 undergone the like
 fears4  ,it was an uninterrupted       
succession of sudden wakings and of     
nightmares4  ,and these nightmares      
overpassed the limits of abomination    
that the most dangerous madness dreams4 
,they developed themselves in the realm 
of lust2 and they were so special1 so   
new to him1 that when he woke ,durtal   
remained trembling1 almost crying out4  
,it was not at all that involuntary and 
well known act1 that vision which ceases
 just at the moment when the sleeper    
clasps an amorous form2 it was as and   
more complete than in nature1 long and  

accomplished1 accompanied by all the    
preludes1 all the details1 all the      
sensations1 and the orgasm took place   
with a singularly painful acuteness1 an 
incredible spasm4  ,a strange fact1     
which seemed to point the difference    
between this state1 and the unconscious 
uncleanness of night1 was1 beyond       
certain episodes and caresses which     
could only follow each other in reality1
 but were united at the same moment in  
the dream1 the sensation clear and      
precise of a being1 of a fluid form     
disappearing1 with the sharp sound of a 
percussion cap1 or the crack of a whip  
close by1 on waking4 ,this being was    
felt near him so distinctly1 that the   
sheet1 disarranged by the wind of the   
flight1 was still in motion1 and he     
looked at the empty place in terror4    
,ah1 thought ,durtal1 when he had       
lighted his candle1 this carries me back
 to the time when ,i used to visit      
,madame ,chantelouve1 and reminds me of 
the stories of the ,succubus4  ,he      

remained sitting up in bed1 astonished1 
and looked with real uneasiness round   
the cell steeped in shadow4 ,he looked  
at his watch1 it was only eleven o'clock
 at night4 ,god1 he said1 if the nights 
are always like this in monasteries6    
,he had recourse to bathing with cold   
water in order to recover himself1      
opened his window to change the air1 and
 lay down again1 thoroughly chilled4    
,he hesitated to blow out his candle1   
uneasy at the darkness which seemed to  
him inhabited1 full of ambushes and     
threats4 ,he decided at last to         
extinguish it1 and repeated the stanza  
he had already heard sung that evening  
in chapel3      ,procul recedant somnia 
,et noctium phantasmata1     ,hostemque 
nostrum comprime1     ,ne polluantur    
corpora4  ,he ended by falling asleep   
and dreamt again of impurity1 but he    
came to himself in time to break the    
charm1 experiencing again the impression
 of a shadow evaporating before he could
 seize it in the sheets4 ,he looked at  

his watch2 it was two o'clock4  ,if this
 goes on1 ,i shall be broken down       
to-morrow1 he thought1 but he succeeded 
somehow or other in dozing1 and waking  
every ten minutes to wait for three     
o'clock4  ,if ,i fall asleep again1 ,i  
shall not be able to wake at the moment 
,i wish1 he thought1 suppose ,i get up4 
,he sprang out of bed1 dressed1 prayed1 
reduced his thoughts to order4  ,real   
excesses would have exhausted him less  
than these sham freaks1 but what seemed 
to him especially odious was the want of
 satisfaction left by the completed rape
 of these ghosts4 ,compared with their  
greedy tricks1 the caresses of a woman  
only diffused a temperate pleasure1 and 
ended in a feeble shock1 but with this  
,succuba one remained in a fury at      
having clasped only the void1 at having 
been the dupe of a lie1 the plaything of
 an appearance1 of which one could not  
remember the form or the features4 ,it  
necessarily brought with it the desire  
of the flesh1 the wish to clasp a real  

body1 and ,durtal began to think of     
,florence2 she at least quenched his    
desires1 and did not leave him thus1    
panting and feverish1 in quest of he    
knew not what1 in an atmosphere where he
 was surrounded1 spied upon by an       
unknown whom he could not discern1 by a 
phantom he could not escape4  ,then     
,durtal shook himself1 and would repulse
 the assault of these memories4 ,at any 
rate ,i will go and breathe the fresh   
air1 and smoke a cigarette2 we will see 
afterwards4  ,he descended the          
staircase1 whose walls seemed not to    
keep their place1 and danced in the     
light of his candle1 threaded the       
corridors1 blew out his light1 placed   
the candlestick near the auditorium1 and
 rushed out4  ,it was pitch dark2 at the
 height of the first story a round      
window in the wall of the chapel cut a  
hole through the darkness like a red    
moon4  ,durtal took a few whiffs of a   
cigarette1 and then made his way to the 
chapel4 ,he turned the latch of the door

 gently2 the vestibule into which he    
entered was dark1 but the apse1 though  
it was empty1 was lighted by numerous   
lamps4  ,he made a step1 crossed        
himself1 and fell back1 for he had      
stumbled over a body2 and he looked down
 at his feet4  ,he had come upon a      
battle-field4  ,on the ground human     
forms were lying1 in the attitudes of   
combatants mowed down by grape shot1    
some flat on their faces1 others on     
their knees1 some leaning their hands on
 the ground as if stricken from behind1 
others extended with their fingers      
clenched on their breast1 others again  
holding their heads or stretching out   
their arms4  ,and from this group in    
their agony rose no groan1 no complaint4
  ,durtal was stupefied as he looked at 
this massacre of monks1 and suddenly    
stopped with open mouth4 ,a shaft of    
light fell from a lamp which the ,father
 ,sacristan had just placed in the apse1
 and crossing the porch1 it showed a    
monk on his knees before the altar      

dedicated to the ,virgin4  ,he was an   
old man of more than four-score years2  
motionless as a statue1 his eyes fixed1 
leaning forward in such an access of    
adoration1 that the faces in ecstasy in 
the ,early ,masters seemed1 compared    
with his1 forced and cold4  ,yet his    
features were vulgar1 his shaven skull1 
without a crown1 tanned by many suns and
 rains1 was brick-coloured1 his eye was 
dim1 covered with a film by age1 his    
face was wrinkled1 shrivelled1 stained  
like an old log1 hidden in a thicket of 
white hair1 while his somewhat snub nose
 made the general effect of the face    
singularly common4  ,but there went out1
 not from his eyes1 nor his mouth1 but  
from everywhere and nowhere1 a kind of  
angelic look which was diffused over his
 head1 and enveloped all his poor body1 
bowed in its heap of rags4  ,in this old
 man the soul did not even give herself 
the trouble to reform and ennoble his   
features1 she contented herself in      
annihilating them with her rays2 it was1

 as it were1 the nimbus of the old      
saints not now remaining round the head1
 but extending over all the features1   
pale and almost invisible1 bathing his  
whole being4  ,he saw nothing and heard 
nothing2 monks dragged themselves on    
their knees1 came to warm themselves1   
and to take shelter near him1 and he    
never moved1 dumb and deaf1 so rigid    
that you might have believed him dead1  
had not his lower lip stirred now and   
then1 lifting in this movement his long 
beard4  ,the dawn whitened the windows1 
and as the darkness was gradually       
dissipated1 the other brethren were     
visible in turn to ,durtal2 all these   
men1 wounded by divine love1 prayed     
ardently1 flashed out beyond themselves 
noiselessly before the altar4 ,some were
 quite young1 on their knees1 with their
 bodies upright2 others1 their eyeballs 
in ecstasy1 were leaning back1 and      
seated on their heels2 others again were
 making the way of the cross1 and were  
often placed each opposite another face 

to face1 and they looked without seeing1
 as with the eyes of the blind4  ,and   
among these lay brethren1 some fathers  
buried in their great white cowls lay   
prostrate and kissed the ground4  ,oh to
 pray1 pray like these monks6 cried     
,durtal within himself4  ,he felt his   
unhappy soul grow slack within him2 in  
this atmosphere of sanctity he unbent   
himself1 and sank down on the pavement1 
humbly asking pardon from ,christ1 for  
having soiled by his presence the purity
 of this place4  ,he prayed long1       
unsealing himself for the first time1   
recognizing his unworthiness and        
vileness so that he could not imagine   
how1 in spite of ,his mercy1 the ,lord  
could tolerate him in the little circle 
of ,his elect2 he examined himself1 saw 
clearly1 and avowed that he was inferior
 to the least of these lay brothers who 
perhaps could not even spell out a book1
 understood that the culture of the mind
 was naught and the culture of the soul 
was all1 and little by little1 without  

perceiving it1 thinking only of         
stammering forth acts of gratitude1 he  
disappeared from the chapel1 his soul   
borne up by the souls of others1 away1  
away from the world1 far from his       
charnel-house1 far from his body4  ,in  
this chapel1 the impulse had come at    
last1 the going forth from self1 till   
now refused1 was at last permitted2 he  
no longer strove with self as in the    
time when he escaped with so great      
difficulty from his prison-house1 as at 
,st4 ,severin or ,notre ,dame des       
,victoires4  ,then he again realized    
this chapel1 where his animal part had  
alone remained1 and he looked round him 
with astonishment2 the greater part of  
the brethren had gone1 one father       
remained prostrate before ,our ,lady's  
altar2 he quitted it in his turn1 and   
went back to the apse1 as the other     
fathers entered it4  ,durtal looked at  
them2 they were of all sizes and all    
kinds2 one fat and bald1 with a long    
black beard and spectacles1 some little 

fair and puffy men1 some very old1      
bristling with skin like a wild boar1   
others very young1 with a vague air of  
,german dreaminess1 with their eyes     
under their glasses2 and almost all     
except the very young had this feature  
in common3 a large belly1 and cheeks    
with little red streaks4  ,suddenly     
through the open door in the apse itself
 appeared the tall monk who had         
conducted the office the evening before4
 ,he threw back on his chasuble the     
woollen hood which covered his head1 and
 assisted by two white monks went up to 
the high altar to say mass4  ,and it was
 not one of those masses served as so   
many are cooked in ,paris1 but a mass   
slow1 meditated1 and profound1 a mass   
where the priest takes long to          
consecrate1 overwhelmed before the      
altar1 and when he elevated the ,host no
 little bell tinkled1 but the bells of  
the monastery spread abroad their slow  
peal1 brief dull strokes1 almost        
plaintive1 while the ,trappists         

disappeared2 crouched on all-fours1     
their heads hidden below their desks4   
,when the mass ended it was nearly six  
o'clock4 ,durtal took the same way as   
the evening before1 passed before the   
little chocolate factory1 and saw       
through the windows the fathers wrapping
 up the tablets in lead paper1 and in   
another room a tiny steam engine which a
 lay brother was directing4  ,he reached
 the walk where he had smoked the       
cigarettes in the shade4 ,so gloomy at  
night1 it was now charming with its two 
rows of aged limes which rustled gently 
while the wind wafted to him their      
enervating scent4  ,seated on a bench1  
he could see at a glance the whole front
 of the abbey4  ,before it was a long   
kitchen garden1 with here and there some
 rose trees spread over the blueish     
basins and large balls of cabbages1 and 
the old house1 built in the monumental  
style of the seventeenth century1       
extended1 solemn and immense1 with      
eighteen windows in a row1 and a        

pediment1 in the span of which was      
placed a mighty clock4  ,it was roofed  
with slate1 and surmounted by a ring of 
small bells1 and was reached by a flight
 of several steps4 ,it reached a height 
of at least five stories1 though it had 
in reality only a ground and a first    
floor1 but to judge by the unexpected   
height of the windows1 the rooms had to 
accommodate their ceilings to the vast  
altitude of the church2 on the whole the
 building was striking and cold1 more   
apt1 since it had been converted into a 
convent1 to shelter the disciples of    
,jansen1 than the sons of ,saint        
,bernard4  ,the weather was warm that   
morning2 the sun was filtered through   
the moving sieve of foliage1 and the    
daylight1 thus screened1 was changed to 
rose colour as it touched the white4    
,durtal1 who was about to read his      
prayer-book1 saw the pages growing red1 
and by the law of complementary colours 
all the letters printed in black ink    
grew green4  ,he was amused by these    

details1 and with his back to the       
warmth1 he brightened up in this        
aromatic breeze1 rested in this bath of 
sunshine from his fatigues of the night1
 when at the end of the walk he saw some
 of the brothers4 ,they walked in       
silence1 some carrying under their arms 
great round loaves1 others holding milk 
cans1 or baskets full of hay and eggs2  
they passed before him1 and bowed       
respectfully4  ,all had a joyous and    
serious aspect4 ,ah1 good fellows1 he   
thought1 for they helped me this        
morning1 it is to them ,i owe it that ,i
 could keep silence no longer1 and was  
able to pray1 to have at last known the 
joy of supplication which at ,paris was 
only a snare for me6 to them1 and above 
all to ,our ,lady de l',atre1 who had   
pity on my poor soul4  ,he sprang from  
his bench in an access of joy1 went into
 the lateral walks1 reached the piece of
 water he had partially seen the evening
 before2 in front of it rose the huge   
cross he had seen at a distance from the

 carriage1 in the wood1 before he       
reached ,la ,trappe4  ,it was placed    
opposite the monastery itself1 and      
turned its back upon the pond2 it bore  
an eighteenth-century ,christ1 of       
natural size1 in white marble2 the pond 
also took the form of a cross such as is
 shown on the greater part of the plans 
of churches4  ,this brown and liquid    
cross was spotted by duckweed1 which the
 swan displaced as he swam4  ,he came   
towards ,durtal1 with extended beak1    
expecting1 no doubt1 a piece of bread4  
,not a sound arose in this deserted     
spot1 save the rustle of dry leaves     
which ,durtal brushed as he walked4 ,the
 clock struck seven4  ,he remembered    
that breakfast would be ready1 and he   
walked quickly to the abbey4 ,father    
,etienne was waiting for him1 shook     
hands1 asked if he had slept well1 then 
said3  ,what would you like8 ,i can only
 offer you milk and honey2 ,i will send 
to-day to the nearest village and try to
 get you a little cheese1 but you will  

have only a poor meal this morning4     
,durtal proposed to exchange the milk   
for wine1 declaring that he should then 
do very well1 and said1 ,in any case ,i 
should do ill to complain1 for you are  
fasting4  ,the monk smiled4 ,just now1  
he said1 we are doing penance1 on       
account of certain feasts of our order4 
,and he explained that he only took food
 once a day1 at two o'clock in the      
afternoon1 after ,nones4  ,and you have 
not even wine and eggs to keep up your  
strength6  ,father ,etienne smiled      
again4 ,one gets accustomed to it1 he   
said4 ,what is this rule in comparison  
with that adopted by ,saint ,bernard and
 his companions1 when they went to till 
the valley of ,clairvaux8 ,their meal   
consisted of oak leaves1 salted1 cooked 
in muddy water4  ,and after a silence   
the ,father continued3 ,no doubt the    
,trappist rule is hard1 but it is mild  
if we carry our thoughts back to the    
rule of ,saint ,pacomius in the ,east4  
,only think2 whoever wished to join that

 order had to remain ten days and nights
 at the door of the convent1 and had to 
endure spitting and insults2 if he still
 desired to enter1 he fulfilled a three 
years' novitiate1 inhabited a hut where 
he could not stand up1 nor lie at full  
length1 ate only olives and cabbage1    
prayed twelve times in the morning1     
twelve times in the afternoon1 twelve   
times in the night2 the silence was     
perpetual1 and his mortifications never 
ceased4 ,to prepare himself for this    
novitiate1 and to learn to subdue his   
appetite1 ,saint ,macarius thought of   
the plan of soaking his bread in a      
vessel with a very narrow neck1 and only
 fed on the crumbs which he could take  
out with his fingers4 ,when he was      
admitted into the monastery1 he         
contented himself with gnawing leaves of
 raw cabbage on ,sunday4 ,ah6 they could
 stand more than we4 ,we1 alas6 have no 
longer souls nor bodies stout enough to 
bear such fasts2 but do not let that    
stop your meal2 make as good an one as  

you can4 ,ah1 by the way1 said the monk1
 be in the auditorium at ten precisely1 
where the ,father ,prior will hear your 
confession4  ,and he left the room4  ,if
 ,durtal had received a blow on his head
 with a mallet1 he could not have been  
more overwhelmed4 ,all the scaffolding  
of his joys1 so rapidly run up1 fell4   
,this strange fact had occurred1 in the 
impulse of joy he had felt since        
daybreak he had wholly forgotten that he
 had to confess4 ,he had a moment of    
aberration4 ,but ,i am forgiven1 he     
thought2 the proof is that state of     
happiness1 such as ,i have never known1 
that truly wonderful expansion of soul  
which ,i experienced in the chapel and  
in the wood4  ,the idea that nothing had
 begun1 that all was still to do1       
terrified him2 he had not the courage to
 swallow his bread1 he drank a little   
wine1 and rushed out of doors in a wind 
of panic4  ,he went1 wildly1 with great 
strides4 ,confession6 ,the prior8 ,who  
was the prior8 ,he sought in vain among 

the fathers whose faces he remembered   
the one who would hear him4  ,my ,god6  
he said1 all at once1 but ,i do not even
 know how a confession is made4  ,he    
sought a deserted corner1 where he could
 recollect himself a little4 ,he was    
striding along without even knowing how 
he came there1 along a walnut-tree walk 
with a wall on one side4 ,there were    
some enormous trees1 he hid himself     
behind the trunk of one of them1 and    
sitting on the moss1 turned over the    
leaves of his prayer-book1 and read3 ,on
 arriving at the confessional1 place    
yourself on your knees1 make the sign of
 the cross1 and ask the priest for his  
blessing1 saying1 ',bless me1 ,father1  
for ,i have sinned2' then recite the    
,confiteor as far as mea culpa 444 and  
444  ,he stopped1 and without any need  
of probing it his life sprang out in    
jets of filth4  ,he shrank from it1     
there was so much1 of every kind1 that  
he was overwhelmed with despair4  ,then 
by an effort of his will he pulled      

himself together1 endeavoured to control
 and bank up these torrents1 to separate
 them so as to understand them1 but one 
affluent rolled back all the others1    
ended by overwhelming them1 and became  
the river itself4  ,and this sin        
appeared at first ape-like and sly1 at  
school where everyone tempted and       
corrupted others2 then there was all his
 greedy youth1 dragged through          
tap-rooms1 rolled in swine troughs1     
wallowing in the sinks of prostitution1 
and then an ignoble manhood4 ,to his    
regular tasks had succeeded toll paid to
 his senses1 and shameful memories      
assailed him in a crowd2 he recalled to 
mind how he had sought after monstrous  
iniquities1 his pursuit of artifices    
aggravating the malice of the act1 and  
the accomplices and agents of his sins  
passed in file before him4  ,among all1 
at one time1 there was a certain ,mme4  
,chantelouve1 a demoniacal adulteress   
who had drawn him headlong into         
frightful excesses1 who had linked him  

to nameless crimes1 sins against holy   
things1 to sacrileges4  ,how can ,i tell
 all this to the monk8 thought ,durtal1 
terrified by the remembrance2 how can ,i
 even express myself1 so as to make him 
understand without defilement8  ,tears  
rushed from his eyes4 ,my ,god1 my ,god6
 he sighed1 this is indeed too much4    
,and in her turn ,florence appeared with
 her little street-arab smile1 and her  
childish haunches4 ,i can never tell the
 confessor all that was brewed in the   
perfumed shade of her vices1 cried      
,durtal4 ,i can by no means make him    
face these torrents of pus4  ,yet they  
say this has to be done2 and he bowed   
under the weight of the foulness of this
 girl4  ,how shameful to have been      
riveted to her1 how disgusting to have  
satisfied the abominable demands of her 
desires6  ,behind this sewer extended   
others4 ,he had traversed all the       
districts of sin which the prayer-book  
patiently enumerated4 ,he had never     
confessed since his first communion1 and

 with the piling up of years had come   
successive deposits of sins4 ,he grew   
pale at the thought that he was about to
 detail to another man all his dirt1 to 
acknowledge his most secret thoughts1 to
 say to him what one dares not repeat to
 one's own self1 lest one should despise
 oneself too much4  ,he sweated with    
anguish1 then nausea at his being1      
remorse for his life solaced him1 and he
 gave himself up2 regret for having     
lived so long in this cesspool was a    
very crucifixion to him2 he wept long1  
doubting pardon1 not even daring to ask 
it1 so vile did he feel himself4  ,at   
last he sprang up2 the hour of expiation
 must be at hand1 in fact his watch     
pointed to a quarter to ten4 ,his agony 
as he thus wrought with himself had     
lasted more than two hours4  ,he        
hurriedly reached the main path which   
led to the monastery4 ,he walked with   
his head down1 forcing back his tears4  
,he slackened his pace somewhat as he   
drew near the little pond2 he lifted his

 eyes in supplication to the cross1 and 
as he lowered them he met a look so     
moved1 so compassionate1 so gentle1 that
 he stopped1 and the look disappeared   
with the bow of a lay brother1 who      
passed on his way4  ,he read my         
thoughts1 said ,durtal to himself4 ,oh1 
this charitable monk has good reason to 
pity me1 for indeed ,i suffer4 ,ah1     
,lord1 that ,i might be like that humble
 brother6 he cried1 remembering that he 
had seen that very morning the young    
tall lad1 praying in the chapel with    
such fervour that he seemed to rise from
 the ground1 before ,our ,lady4  ,he    
arrived at the auditorium in a frightful
 state1 and sank on a chair2 then1 like 
a hunted animal that thinks itself      
discovered1 he sprang up1 and1 disturbed
 by his fears1 moved by a wind of       
disorder1 he thought of flight1 that he 
would pack his bag1 and make for the    
train4  ,he mastered himself1 undecided 
and trembling1 his ear on the watch1 his
 heart beating with great strokes1 and  

he heard the sound of distant steps4 ,my
 ,god1 he said1 waiting for the steps   
that drew near1 what manner of monk is  
coming8  ,the steps were silent1 and the
 door opened4 ,durtal in his alarm dared
 not look at the confessor1 in whom he  
recognized the tall ,trappist1 with the 
imperious profile1 whom he believed to  
be the abbot of the monastery4  ,his    
breath was taken away1 and he drew back 
without saying a word4  ,surprised at   
this silence1 the prior said1--  ,you   
have asked to make your confession1 sir8
  ,and at a sign from ,durtal1 he       
pointed out the prie-,dieu placed       
against the wall1 and himself knelt     
down1 turning his back4  ,durtal braced 
himself1 fell down at the prie-,dieu1   
and then completely lost his head4 ,he  
had vaguely prepared how to enter on the
 matter1 noted the points of his        
statement1 classified his sins in some  
degree1 and now remembered nothing4     
,the monk rose1 sat down on a straw     
chair1 leant towards the penitent1 his  

hand behind his ear to hear the better4 
,he waited4  ,durtal wished rather to   
die than speak2 he succeeded1 however1  
in mastering himself1 and bridling his  
shame2 he opened his lips1 but no word  
came2 he remained overwhelmed1 his head 
in his hands1 repressing the tears he   
felt ready to fall4  ,the monk did not  
move4  ,at last he made a desperate     
effort1 stammered the beginning of the  
,confiteor1 and said1  ,i have not      
confessed1 since my childhood2 since    
then ,i have led a shameful life1 ,i    
have 444  ,the words would not come4    
,the ,trappist remained silent1 and did 
not assist him at all4  ,i have         
committed every kind of debauch1 ,i have
 done everything 444 everything 444  ,he
 choked1 and the tears he had repressed 
flowed1 he wept1 his body was shaken1   
his face hidden in his hands4  ,and as  
the prior1 still bending over him1 did  
not move1  ,but ,i cannot1 he cried2 ,i 
cannot4  ,all that life he could not    
bring out1 stifled him2 he sobbed in    

despair at the view of his sins1 and    
crushed also at finding himself thus    
abandoned1 without a word of kindness1  
without help4 ,it seemed to him that all
 was giving way1 that he was lost1      
repulsed even by ,him who yet had       
directed him to this abbey4  ,then a    
hand was laid on his shoulder1 while a  
gentle1 low voice said1  ,your soul is  
too tired for me to fatigue you with    
questions1 come back at nine o'clock    
to-morrow1 we shall have time before us1
 we shall not then be hurried by any    
office2 from now till then1 think of the
 story of ,calvary2 the cross1 which was
 made for the sins of the whole world1  
lay so heavily on the shoulders of the  
,saviour1 that ,his knees bent and ,he  
fell4 ,a man of ,cyrene passed by who   
helped the ,lord to bear it4 ,you1 in   
detesting1 in weeping for your sins1    
have alleviated and rendered lighter1 if
 one may say so1 the cross of the       
burthen of your sins1 and having made it
 less heavy1 have thus allowed ,our     

,lord to lift it4  ,he has recompensed  
you by the most astonishing of miracles1
 the miracle of having brought you here 
from so far off4 ,thank ,him1 then1 with
 all your heart1 and be not             
discomforted4 ,you will say to-day for  
your penance1 the ,penitential ,psalms1 
and the ,litany of the ,saints4 ,i will 
give you my blessing4  ,and the prior   
blessed him and went out4 ,durtal raised
 himself up after his tears2 what he    
feared so much had happened2 the monk   
who would take him in hand was          
impassive1 almost dumb4 ,alas6 he       
thought1 my abscesses are ripe1 but it  
needs the cut of a lancet to open them4 
,after all1 he went on1 as he went      
upstairs to bathe his eyes in his cell1 
this ,trappist was compassionate at     
last1 not so much in what he said1 as   
the tone in which he said it2 then1 to  
be just1 he was perhaps confused by my  
tears2 the ,abb ,gvresin certainly did  
not tell ,father ,etienne that ,i was   
taking refuge in ,la ,trappe in order to

 be converted1 let us put ourselves in  
the place of a man living in ,god1 far  
from the world1 over whose head a shower
 bath is suddenly discharged4  ,well1 we
 shall see to-morrow2 and ,durtal made  
haste to sponge his face1 for it was    
nearly eleven o'clock and the office of 
,sext was about to begin4  ,he went to  
the chapel1 which was almost empty1 for 
the brothers were working at that time  
in the chocolate factory1 and in the    
fields4  ,the fathers were in their     
places in the apse4 ,the prior struck   
his bell1 all signed themselves with a  
large cross1 and on the left1 where he  
could not see1 for ,durtal had taken the
 same place as in the morning1 near     
,saint ,joseph's altar1 a voice arose3  
,ave ,maria1 gratia plena1 ,dominus     
tecum4  ,and the other part of the choir
 answered3  ,et benedictus fructus      
ventris tui1 ,jesus4  ,there was a      
moment's pause1 and the pure thin voice 
of the old ,trappist sang as before the 
office of ,compline the evening before3 

,deus in adjutorium meum intende4  ,and 
the liturgy continued its course1 with  
its ,gloria ,patri1 etc41 during which  
the monks bowed their foreheads on their
 books1 and with its series of psalms1  
accented in short tones on the one side1
 and long on the other4  ,durtal1 as he 
knelt1 allowed himself to be rocked by  
the psalmody1 too tired to be able to   
pray himself4  ,then1 when ,sext was    
ended1 all the fathers meditated1 and   
,durtal caught a look of pity from the  
prior1 who turned a little towards his  
bench4 ,he understood that the monk     
implored the ,saviour for him1 and      
perhaps asked ,god to show him the way  
in which he might conduct himself on the
 morrow4  ,durtal rejoined ,m4 ,bruno in
 the court2 they shook hands1 and the   
oblate announced the presence of a new  
guest4  ,a retreatant8  ,no2 a curate   
from the neighbourhood of ,lyons1 he has
 come to see the abbot1 who is ill4     
,but ,i thought the abbot of ,notre     
,dame de l',atre was the tall monk who  

led the office8  ,oh no2 that was the   
prior ,father ,maximin1 you have not    
seen the abbot1 and ,i doubt if you will
 see him1 for ,i do not think he will   
leave his bed before you go4  ,they     
reached the guest-house1 and found      
,father ,etienne making excuses to a    
short fat priest for the poor fare he   
could offer4  ,he was a jovial priest1  
with strong features moulded in yellow  
fat4  ,he joked ,m4 ,bruno1 whom he     
seemed to have known some time1 on the  
sin of gluttony which must so often be  
committed at ,la ,trappe1 then tasted1  
pretending a chuckle of delight1 the    
scentless bouquet of the poor wine he   
poured out1 and lastly1 when he divided 
with a spoon the omelette which was the 
main dish of their dinner1 he pretended 
to cut up a fowl1 and to be delighted   
with the fine appearance of the flesh2  
saying to ,durtal1 ,this is a barley-fed
 fowl1 may ,i offer you a wing8  ,this  
kind of pleasantry exasperated ,durtal1 
who had no wish to laugh that day2 he   

therefore was satisfied to make a vague 
bow1 wishing to himself that the end of 
dinner was at hand4  ,the conversation  
continued between the priest and ,m4    
,bruno4  ,after it had spread over      
various commonplaces1 it took a more    
definite form1 in regard to an invisible
 otter which plundered the abbey ponds4 
,but1 no doubt1 said the curate1 you    
have found its lair8  ,never2 it is easy
 to see in the lain grass the paths it  
traverses to get to the water1 but we   
always lose its traces at the same spot4
 ,we have watched for days with ,father 
,etienne1 but it has never shown itself4
  ,the abb explained various traps which
 might be set with advantage4 ,durtal   
thought of the otter-hunt which ,balzac 
tells so pleasantly at the beginning of 
his ,paysans1 when the dinner came to an
 end4  ,the curate said grace1 and said 
to ,m4 ,bruno1 ,suppose we take a turn2 
the fresh air will do instead of the    
coffee1 which they forget to give us4   
,durtal returned to his cell4  ,he felt 

himself emptied1 injured1 cheated1      
reduced to a state of fibre1 a state of 
pulp4 ,his body1 crushed by the         
nightmares of the night1 enervated by   
the scene of the morning1 needed entire 
rest1 and if his soul had not still that
 infatuation which had broken it in     
tears at the monk's feet1 it was sad and
 restless1 and it also asked for        
silence1 repose1 and sleep4  ,let us    
see1 said ,durtal1 ,i must not give way1
 let me bestir myself4  ,he read the    
,penitential ,psalms and the ,litanies  
of the ,saints2 then he hesitated       
between two volumes of ,saint           
,bonaventure and ,saint ,angela4  ,he   
decided on the ,blessed ,angela4 ,she   
had sinned and had been converted1 and  
she seemed less far from him1 more      
intelligible1 more helpful than the     
,seraphic ,doctor1 than a ,saint who had
 always remained pure1 sheltered from   
falls4 ,for she too had been a carnal   
sinner2 she too had reached the ,saviour
 from afar4  ,a married woman1 she lived

 in adultery and shame2 lovers succeeded
 one another1 and when she had exhausted
 them she threw them aside like husks4  
,suddenly grace rose in her and made her
 soul break forth2 she went to          
confession1 not daring to avow the more 
awful of her sins1 and she communicated1
 thus grafting sacrilege upon her other 
faults4  ,she lived1 day and night      
tortured by remorse1 and finally prayed 
to ,saint ,francis of ,assisi to help   
her2 and the next night the saint       
appeared to her4 ,my sister1 he said1 if
 you had called on me sooner1 ,i should 
have granted your prayer before this4   
,the next day she went to church1 heard 
a priest preaching1 understood she must 
address herself to him1 and laid all    
before him in a full confession4  ,then 
began the trials of an appalling life of
 purification4 ,in blow after blow she  
lost her mother1 her husband1 her       
children2 she went through such violent 
temptations to impurity that she was    
obliged to seize on lighted coals and   

cauterize the plague of her senses with 
fire4  ,during two years the demon      
sifted her4 ,she parted her goods among 
the poor1 assumed the habit of the      
,third ,order of ,saint ,francis1       
gathered in the sick and infirm1 and    
begged for them in the streets4  ,one   
day a feeling of sickness came over her 
before a leper whose sores were         
stinking4 ,to punish herself she drank  
the water in which she had washed the   
sores2 she was overcome with nausea2 and
 punished herself yet more by forcing   
herself to swallow a scab which had not 
gone down with the water and remained   
dry in her throat4  ,for years she      
dressed ulcers and meditated on the     
,passion of ,christ4 ,then her novitiate
 of sorrows drew to a close and a       
radiant day of visions dawned on her4   
,jesus treated her as a spoilt child1   
called her1 ,my sweetest1 my            
well-beloved daughter2 ,he dispensed her
 from the necessity of eating1 and      
nourished her only with the ,sacred     

,species2 ,he called her1 drew her1     
absorbed her in uncreated light1 and by 
anticipating her inheritance1 enabled   
her to understand1 in life1 the joys of 
heaven4  ,and she was so simple and     
timid that she feared in spite of all1  
for the memory of her sins alarmed her4 
,she could not believe herself forgiven1
 and said to ,christ2 ,ah1 if ,i could  
but put myself in an iron collar and    
drag myself to the market-place to      
proclaim my shame4  ,and ,he consoled   
her3 ,be easy1 ,my daughter1 ,my        
sufferings have atoned for your sins2   
and as she reproached herself for having
 lived in opulence and having delighted 
in clothes and jewels1 ,he addressed    
her1 smiling3 ,to buy you riches1 ,i    
have wanted for everything2 you required
 a great number of clothes1 and ,i had  
but one garment of which the soldiers   
stripped ,me1 for which they drew lots2 
,my nakedness was the expiation of your 
vanity in ornaments4  ,and all her      
conversations with ,christ were in this 

tone4 ,he passed ,his time in comforting
 this humble creature whom ,his benefits
 overwhelmed2 and this has made her the 
most loving of the saints6 her work is a
 succession of spiritual outpourings and
 caresses2 her book is such a living    
hearth that beside it the volumes of    
other mystics seem but dull coal4  ,ah1 
said ,durtal to himself1 in turning over
 these pages1 it was indeed the ,christ 
of ,saint ,francis1 the ,god of mercy   
who spoke to this ,franciscan6 and he   
went on3 that ought to give me courage1 
for ,angela of ,foligno was as great a  
sinner as ,i am1 but all her sins were  
remitted6 ,yes1 but then what a soul she
 had1 while mine is good for nothing2   
instead of loving1 ,i reason2           
nevertheless it is right to remember    
that the conditions of the ,blessed     
,angela were more favourable than mine4 
,living in the thirteenth century she   
had a shorter journey to make to        
approach ,god1 for since the ,middle    
,ages1 each century takes us further    

from ,him6 she lived in a time full of  
miracles1 which overflowed with ,saints4
 ,for me1 ,i live in ,paris in an age   
when miracles are rare and ,saints      
scarcely abound4 ,and once away from    
here1 what a vista is before me of      
falling away1 of soaking myself in a    
stew of infamy1 in a bath of the sins of
 great cities4  ,by the way 444 he      
looked at his watch and started2 it was 
two o'clock--,i have missed the office  
of ,nones1 he said2 ,i must simplify my 
complicated horary1 or ,i shall never   
know where ,i am2 and at once he traced 
in a few lines3  ,morning4 ,rise at #c  
o'clock1 or rather at #c4cj4 ,breakfast 
at #g--,sext at #aa1 dinner at          
#aa4cj--,nones at #a4cj--,vespers at    
#e4ae--,supper at #f1 and ,compline at  
#g4be4  ,there1 at least that is clear  
and easy to remember--,if only ,father  
,etienne have not noticed my absence    
from chapel6  ,he left his room4 ,ah1   
here is the famous rule1 he said to     
himself1 on seeing a framed table hung  

on the landing4  ,he approached and     
read3--        ,rule for ,visitors4  ,it
 was composed of numerous paragraphs1   
and opened as follows3--       ,those   
whom ,divine ,providence has guided to  
this monastery are      requested to    
note the following3--       ,they will  
at all times avoid meeting the religious
 and lay      brothers1 and will not go 
near their places of work4       ,they  
are forbidden to leave the cloister for 
the farm or the      neighbourhood of   
the monastery4  ,then came a series of  
instructions which he had already seen  
on the printed horary4  ,durtal skipped 
several paragraphs1 and read again3--   
,visitors are requested not to write    
anything on the doors1 not to           
strike matches on the wall1 and not to  
spill water on the floor4       ,they   
are not allowed to visit each other's   
rooms or to speak to      one another4  
,smoking is not allowed in the house4   
,nor indeed outside1 thought ,durtal4   
,but ,i want a cigarette badly2 and he  

went down4  ,in the corridor he ran     
against ,father ,etienne1 who           
immediately observed that he had not    
seen him in his place during the office4
 ,durtal excused himself as well as he  
could4 ,the monk said no more1 but      
,durtal understood that he was observed1
 and that under his childlike aspect the
 guest-master would1 where discipline   
was concerned1 hold him in an iron grip4
 ,he was confirmed in this impression   
when at ,vespers he noticed that the    
monk's first glance on entering the     
chapel was at him1 but that day he felt 
so sore and broken that he cared but    
little4 ,this sudden change of          
existence1 and of the manner in which he
 had been accustomed to spend his time1 
astounded him1 and since the crisis of  
the morning he had been in a kind of    
torpor which took from him all power of 
recovery4 ,he drifted to the end of the 
day1 no longer thinking of anything1    
sleeping as he stood1 and when the      
evening came he fell on his bed a mere  

inert mass4     ,,chapter ,,iii4   ,he  
woke with a bound at eleven o'clock1    
with an impression of someone looking at
 him in his sleep4 ,lighting a match1 he
 ascertained the time1 and seeing no    
one1 fell back in bed again1 and slept  
at a stretch till four o'clock4 ,then he
 dressed himself in haste and ran to the
 church4  ,the vestibule1 which had been
 dark on the previous evening1 was lit  
up that morning1 for an old monk was    
celebrating mass at the altar of ,st4   
,joseph4 ,he was bald and infirm1 with a
 white beard waving from side to side in
 long threads with every gust of wind4  
,a lay brother was assisting him1 a     
small man with black hair and a shaven  
head1 like a ball painted blue2 he      
looked like a bandit1 with his beard in 
disorder and his worn-out robe of felt4 
,and the eyes of this bandit were gentle
 and startled like those of a little    
boy4 ,he served the priest with an      
almost timid respect and a suppressed   
joy which was touching to see4  ,others1

 kneeling on the flagstones1 prayed with
 concentrated attention or read their   
mass4 ,durtal noticed the old man of    
eighty1 immovable with outstretched face
 and closed eyes2 and the youth whose   
look of pity had helped him near the    
pond1 was following the office in his   
prayer-book with attentive meditation4  
,he looked about twenty years old1 tall 
and strong2 his face1 with an air of    
fatigue1 was at once masculine and      
tender1 with emaciated features1 and a  
light beard which fell over his habit in
 a point4  ,durtal gave way to his      
emotions in this chapel1 where everyone 
did a little to help him1 and thinking  
of the confession he was about to make1 
he implored the ,saviour to help him1   
and prayed that the monk would          
completely explore his soul4  ,and he   
felt himself less dismayed1 more master 
of himself1 and firmer4 ,he collected   
and pulled himself together1 feeling a  
melancholy confusion1 but he had no     
longer the sense of desolation which had

 overcome him the evening before4 ,he   
set his mind on the idea that he would  
not abandon himself1 that he would help 
himself with all his might1 and that in 
any case he could not collect himself   
better4  ,these reflections were        
interrupted by the departure of the old 
,trappist1 who had finished offering the
 sacrifice1 and by the entry of the     
prior1 who went up in the rotunda       
between two white fathers to say mass at
 the high altar4  ,durtal was absorbed  
in his prayer-book1 but he ceased       
reading when the priest had consumed the
 ,species1 for all rose1 and he was     
amazed at a sight of which he had never 
dreamed1 a communion of monks4  ,they   
advanced in single file1 silent and with
 downcast eyes1 and when the first      
arrived before the altar1 he turned     
round to embrace the comrade who        
followed2 he in turn took in his arms   
the religious who followed him1 and so  
on to the last4 ,all1 before receiving  
the ,eucharist1 exchanged the kiss of   

peace1 then they knelt1 communicated1   
and came back in single file1 turning   
into the rotunda behind the altar4  ,and
 the return was unexpected2 with the    
white fathers at the head of the line1  
they made their way very slowly with    
closed eyes and joined hands4 ,the faces
 seemed to be somewhat altered2 they    
were differently lit from within2 it    
seemed that the soul1 driven by the     
power of the ,sacrament against the     
sides of the body1 filtered through the 
pores and lit up the skin with a special
 light of joy1 with that kind of        
brightness which pours from white souls1
 and makes way like a rose-coloured     
vapour along the cheeks1 and shines1 as 
if concentrated1 on the brow4  ,watching
 the mechanical and hesitating gait of  
these monks1 it seemed as if their      
bodies were no more than automata moving
 from habit1 and that the souls1 being  
elsewhere1 gave no heed to them4        
,durtal recognized the old lay brother1 
bent so much that his face disappeared  

in his beard which pressed against his  
chest1 and his two great knotty hands   
trembled as he clasped them2 he also    
noticed the tall young brother1 his     
features seeming drawn on a dissolved   
surface1 gliding with short steps1 his  
eyes closed4  ,by a fatal chance he     
thought upon himself4 ,he was the only  
one who did not communicate1 for he saw 
,m4 ,bruno coming last from behind the  
altar and returning to his place with   
folded arms4 ,this exclusion brought    
home to him clearly how different he    
was1 and how far apart1 from those      
around him6 ,all were admitted1 and he  
alone remained outside4 ,his            
unworthiness was more apparent1 and he  
grew sad at being put aside1 looked on1 
as he deserved to be1 as a stranger1    
separated like the goat of the          
,scriptures1 penned1 far from the sheep1
 on the left of ,christ4  ,these        
reflections were of use to him1 for they
 relieved him of the terror of          
confession which was again coming over  

him4 ,this act seemed to him so natural 
and just1 in his necessary humiliation  
and unavoidable suffering1 that a desire
 came over him to accomplish it at once1
 so that he might appear in this chapel 
purified and washed1 and with at least  
some resemblance to the others4  ,when  
the mass was over1 he made his way      
towards his cell to get a tablet of     
chocolate4  ,at the top of the stairs   
,m4 ,bruno1 with a large apron round    
him1 was getting ready to clean the     
steps4  ,durtal looked on him with      
surprise4 ,the oblate smiled and shook  
hands with him4  ,this is an excellent  
task for the soul1 he said1 showing his 
broom2 it recalls modest sentiments     
which one is too inclined to forget     
after living in the world4  ,and he     
began sweeping vigorously1 and          
collecting into a pan the dust which    
like pepper filled every crevice in the 
floor4  ,durtal carried his tablet into 
the garden4 ,let us consider1 he said to
 himself as he nibbled it2 supposing ,i 

took another walk and tried an unknown  
part of the wood8 ,and he felt no wish  
to do so4 ,no1 placed as ,i am1 ,i would
 rather haunt the same spot and not     
leave the places to which ,i am         
accustomed2 ,i am already so little     
under control1 and so easily disturbed1 
that ,i do not wish to risk anything by 
curiosity to see new places4 ,and he    
went down to the cross pond4 ,he went   
along the banks1 and having reached the 
end1 was astonished to find1 a few steps
 farther1 a stream spotted with green   
pellicules1 hollowing its way between   
two hedges which fenced in the          
monastery4 ,the fields stretched out    
beyond1 and the roofs of a large        
farmhouse were visible in the trees1 and
 all round the horizon on hills were    
forests which seemed to stop the way    
before the sky4  ,i imagined the grounds
 were larger1 he said to himself1       
retracing his steps2 and having reached 
the end of the cross pond1 he gazed on  
the huge wooden crucifix reared in the  

air which was reflected in that black   
mirror4 ,it sank down1 seen from behind1
 trembling in the small waves stirred up
 by the breeze1 and seemed to fall      
whirling round in that stretch of ink4  
,and as the body of the marble ,christ  
was hidden by the wood1 only the two    
white arms which hung below the tree    
could be seen1 twisted in the blackness 
of the water4  ,seated on the grass1    
,durtal gazed on the hazy image of the  
recumbent cross1 and thinking of his    
soul1 which1 like the pond1 was tanned  
and stained by a bed of dead leaves and 
a dunghill of sins1 he pitied the       
,saviour whom he was about to invite to 
bathe ,himself there1 for it would no   
longer be the ,martyr of ,golgotha to   
whom at all events death came on a hill1
 ,his head high1 by daylight1 in the    
open air6 but it would be by an increase
 of outrages1 the abominable plunging of
 the crucified body1 the head low1 by   
night1 into a depth of mud4  ,ah6 it    
would be time to spare ,him1 in         

filtering and clarifying me1 he cried to
 himself4 ,and the swan1 till then      
motionless in an arm of the pond1 swept 
over the lamentable image in advancing1 
and whitened the moving mourning of the 
waters with its peaceful reflection4    
,and ,durtal thought of the absolution  
which he would perhaps obtain1 and he   
reopened his prayer-book and numbered   
his faults2 and1 slowly1 as on the day  
before1 he tapped1 in his innermost     
being1 a fountain of tears4  ,i must    
control myself1 he said1 trembling at   
the idea that he would suffocate again  
and be unable to speak2 and he resolved 
to begin his confession at the other    
end1 first going over the minor sins1   
keeping the great ones for the end so as
 to finish with the avowal of his carnal
 misdeeds3 if ,i succumb then ,i can    
explain myself in two words4 ,my ,god6  
may the prior only not remain silent as 
he did yesterday1 may he only absolve   
me6  ,he shook off his sadness1 left the
 pond1 and returning to the lime avenue1

 he interested himself in a closer      
inspection of the trees4 ,they raised   
huge trunks1 covered with reddish-brown 
stonecrop1 silvered grey by mosses2 and 
several that morning were wrapped as in 
a mantle trimmed with pearls1 gossamer  
threads studded with drops of dew4  ,he 
sat down on a bench1 but fearing a      
shower1 for it looked threatening1 he   
retired to his cell4  ,he felt no desire
 to read2 he was eager for1 while yet he
 dreaded1 the arrival of nine o'clock1  
to have done with1 to get rid of the    
weight upon his soul1 and he prayed     
mechanically1 without knowing what he   
mumbled1 always thinking on this        
confession1 full of alarm and harassed  
with fears4  ,he went down a little     
before the time1 and when he entered the
 auditorium his heart failed him4  ,in  
spite of himself1 his eyes were fixed   
upon the prie-,dieu1 where he had       
suffered so cruelly4  ,to think that he 
had to put himself on that hurdle again1
 to stretch himself on that rack of     

torture6 ,he tried to collect himself1  
to compose himself--and he drew himself 
up quickly2 he heard the footsteps of   
the monk4 ,the door opened1 and1 for the
 first time1 ,durtal dared to look the  
prior in the face2 it seemed to be      
hardly the same man1 nor the face1 he   
had noticed from a distance2 the profile
 was so haughty1 and the full face so   
sweet2 the eye dulled the proud energy  
of the features1 an eye familiar and    
deep1 when at the same time there was a 
quiet joy and a sad pity4  ,come1 he    
said1 do not be disturbed1 you are about
 to speak to our ,saviour alone1 who    
knows all your faults4 ,and he knelt    
down and prayed for some time and came1 
as on the day before1 to sit by the     
prie-,dieu2 he bent towards ,durtal and 
listened4  ,somewhat reassured1 the     
penitent began without too great        
anguish4 ,he accused himself of faults  
common to all men1 want of charity      
towards his neighbour1 evil speaking1   
hate1 rash judgment1 abuse1 lies1       

vanity1 anger1 etc4  ,the monk          
interrupted him for a moment4  ,you     
said1 just now1 ,i think1 that in your  
youth you contracted debts2 have you    
paid them8  ,and on an affirmative sign 
from ,durtal1 he said1 ,good1 and went  
on1  ,have you belonged to any secret   
society8 have you fought a duel8--,i am 
obliged to ask these questions for they 
are reserved cases4  ,no8--,good--and he
 was silent4  ,before ,god1 ,i accuse   
myself of everything1 resumed ,durtal2  
as ,i confessed to you1 yesterday1 since
 my first communion ,i have given up    
everything2 prayers1 mass1 everything2  
,i have denied ,god1 ,i have blasphemed1
 ,i had entirely lost faith4  ,and      
,durtal stopped4  ,he was reaching the  
sins of the flesh4 ,his voice fell4     
,here ,i do not know how to explain     
myself1 he said1 keeping back his tears4
  ,let us see1 the monk said gently2 you
 told me yesterday that you had         
committed all those acts which are      
comprised in the sin of lust4  ,yes1    

father2 and trembling1 he added1 ,must  
,i go into the details8  ,no1 it is     
useless4 ,i will confine myself to      
asking you1 for it alters the nature of 
the sin1 whether in your case there have
 been any private sins1 or any sins     
committed between persons of the same   
sex8  ,not since ,i left school4  ,have 
you committed adultery8  ,yes4  ,am ,i  
to understand that in your relations    
with women1 you have committed every    
possible excess8  ,durtal made an       
affirmative sign4  ,that is sufficient4 
,and the monk was silent4  ,durtal      
choked with disgust2 the avowal of these
 horrors was a terrible effort to him2  
yet crushed as he was by shame1 he was  
beginning to breathe1 when suddenly he  
plunged his head again in his hands4    
,the remembrance of the sacrilege in    
which ,madame ,chantelouve had made him 
share1 came back to him4  ,hesitatingly 
he confessed that he had from curiosity 
assisted at a black mass1 and that      
afterwards1 without wishing it1 he had  

defiled a ,host which that woman1       
saturated with ,satanism1 concealed     
about her4  ,the prior listened without 
moving4  ,did you continue your visits  
to that woman8  ,no2 that had given me a
 horror of her4  ,the ,trappist         
reflected and said1  ,that is all8  ,i  
think ,i have confessed everything1     
replied ,durtal4  ,the confessor was    
silent for some minutes1 and then in a  
pensive voice1 he murmured1  ,i am      
struck1 even more than yesterday1 by the
 astonishing miracle which ,heaven has  
worked in you4  ,you were sick1 so sick 
that what ,martha said of the body of   
,lazarus might truly have been said of  
your soul1 ',iam foetet6' ,and ,christ  
has1 in some manner1 raised you4 ,only  
do not deceive yourself1 the conversion 
of a sinner is not his cure1 but only   
his convalescence2 and this             
convalescence sometimes lasts for       
several years and is often long4  ,it is
 expedient that you should determine    
from this moment to fortify yourself    

against any falling back1 and to do all 
in your power for recovery4 ,the        
preventive treatment consists of prayer1
 the sacrament of penance1 and holy     
communion4  ,prayer8--you know it1 for  
without much prayer you could not have  
decided to come here after the troubled 
life you had led4  ,ah6 but ,i prayed so
 badly6  ,it does not matter1 as your   
wish was to pray well6 ,confession8--,it
 was painful to you2 it will be less so 
now that you no longer have to avow the 
accumulated sins of years4 ,the         
communion troubles me more2 for it is to
 be feared that when you have triumphed 
over the flesh the ,demon should await  
you there1 and endeavour to draw you    
away1 for he knows well that1 without   
this divine government1 no healing is   
possible4 ,you will therefore have to   
give this matter all your attention4    
,the monk reflected a minute1 and then  
went on1  ,the holy ,eucharist 444 you  
will have more need of it than others1  
for you will be more unhappy than less  

cultured and simpler beings4 ,you will  
be tortured by the imagination4 ,it has 
made you sin much2 and1 by a just       
recompense1 it will make you suffer     
much2 it will be the badly closed door  
of your soul by which the ,demon will   
enter and spread himself in you4 ,watch 
over this1 and pray fervently that the  
,saviour may help you4 ,tell me1 have   
you a rosary8  ,no1 father4  ,i feel1   
said the monk1 that the tone in which   
you said ',no' shows a certain hostility
 to the rosary4  ,i admit that this     
mechanical manner of saying prayers     
wearies me a little2 ,i do not know why1
 but it seems to me that at the end of  
some seconds ,i can no longer think of  
what ,i am saying2 ,i should mock1 and  
should certainly end by stammering out  
something stupid4  ,you have known1     
quietly answered the prior1 some fathers
 of families4 ,their children stammer   
forth caresses1 and tell them no matter 
what1 and yet they are delighted to     
listen6 ,why should not our ,lord1 who  

is a good ,father1 love to hear ,his    
children when they drawl1 or even when  
they talk nonsense8  ,and after a pause 
he went on1  ,i scent the devil's       
artifice in what you say1 for the       
highest graces are attached to this     
crown of prayers4 ,the most ,blessed    
,virgin herself revealed to the saints  
this means of prayer2 she declared she  
delighted in it2 that should be enough  
to make us love it4  ,do it1 then1 for  
her who has powerfully assisted in your 
conversion1 who has interceded with her 
,son to save you4 ,remember1 also1 that 
,god wished that all graces should come 
to us through her4 ,st4 ,bernard        
expressly declares ',totum nos habere   
voluit per ,mariam4'  ,the monk paused  
anew1 and added1  ,however1 the rosary  
enrages fools1 and that is a sure sign4 
,you will for a penance recite ten every
 day for a month4  ,he ceased1 and then 
went on again1 slowly1  ,all of us1     
alas6 retain that scar of original sin  
which is the inclination towards evil2  

each man encourages it more or less2 as 
for you1 since you grew up1 the scar has
 been always open1 but as you hate the  
wound ,god will close it4  ,so ,i will  
say nothing of your past1 as your       
repentance and your firm resolve to sin 
no more efface it4 ,to-morrow1 you will 
receive the pledge of reconciliation1   
you will communicate2 after so many     
years the ,lord will set out on the way 
to your soul and will rest there2       
approach ,him with great humility1 and  
prepare yourself from this moment1 by   
prayer1 for this mysterious meeting of  
hearts which ,his goodness desires4 ,now
 say your act of contrition and ,i will 
give you holy absolution4  ,the monk    
raised his arms1 and the sleeves of his 
white cowl rose above him like two      
wings4 ,with uplifted eyes he uttered   
the imperious formula which breaks the  
bonds1 and the three words1 ,ego te     
absolvo1 spoken more distinctly and     
slowly1 fell upon ,durtal1 who trembled 
from head to foot4 ,he almost sank to   

the ground1 incapable of collecting     
himself or understanding himself1 only  
feeling1 in the clearest manner1 that   
,christ ,himself was present1 near him  
in that place1 and finding no word of   
thanks1 he wept1 ravished and bowed down
 under the great sign of the cross with 
which the monk enveloped him4  ,he      
seemed to be waking from a dream as the 
prior said to him1  ,rejoice1 your life 
is dead2 it is buried in a cloister1 and
 in a cloister it will be born again2 it
 is a good omen2 have confidence in our 
,lord and go in peace4  ,and the father 
added1 pressing his hand1 ,do not be    
afraid of disturbing me1 ,i am entirely 
at your service1 not only for           
confession1 but for interviews and for  
any advice which may be of use to you2  
you quite understand me8  ,they left the
 auditorium together2 the monk bowed to 
him in the corridor and disappeared4    
,durtal hesitated whether to meditate in
 his cell or in the church1 when ,m4    
,bruno met him4 ,approaching ,durtal he 

said1  ,well8 that is a fine weight the 
less on your stomach6  ,and as ,durtal  
looked at him in astonishment he        
laughed4  ,do you think that an old     
sinner like me could not tell from a    
thousand nothings1 if only from the way 
your poor eyes are now shining1 that you
 had not been reconciled when you landed
 here8 ,now ,i have just met the        
reverend father returning to the        
cloister1 and ,i find you coming out of 
the auditorium2 there is no need to be  
particularly sly to guess that the great
 wash has just taken place4  ,but1 said 
,durtal1 you could not have seen the    
prior with me1 for he had left before   
you came in1 and he might have been     
performing some other duty4  ,no1 for he
 was not in his scapular2 he had his    
cowl on4 ,and as he never puts on that  
robe except to go to church or at       
confessions1 ,i was quite certain that  
he came from the auditorium1 as there is
 no office at this hour4 ,i may also    
point out that as the ,trappists do not 

come to confession in this room1 two    
persons only could have been with him1  
you or ,i4  ,you may say as much1       
replied ,durtal1 laughing4  ,father     
,etienne met them in the midst of all   
this1 and ,durtal asked him for a       
rosary4  ,but ,i have not one1 exclaimed
 the monk4  ,i have several1 said ,m4   
,bruno1 and shall be most happy to offer
 you one4 ,you will allow me1 father8444
  ,the monk acquiesced by a sign4  ,then
 if you will come with me1 replied the  
oblate1 addressing ,durtal1 ,i will hand
 it you without delay4  ,they went      
upstairs together1 and ,durtal then     
learnt that ,m4 ,bruno lived in a room  
at the bottom of a small corridor1 not  
far from his own4  ,his cell was very   
simply furnished with old middle-class  
furniture1 a bed1 a mahogany bureau1 a  
large book-case full of ascetic books1  
an earthenware stove and some           
arm-chairs4 ,these articles were        
evidently the property of the oblate1   
for they were nothing like the furniture

 of ,la ,trappe4  ,pray be seated1 said 
,m4 ,bruno1 indicating an arm-chair2 and
 they conversed4  ,having first         
discussed the ,sacrament of ,penance1   
the talk came round to the subject of   
,father ,maximin1 and ,durtal admitted  
the high bearing of the prior had       
terrified him at first4  ,m4 ,bruno     
laughed4 ,yes1 he said1 he produces that
 effect on those who never come near    
him1 but when one associates with him1  
one finds that he is only strict for    
himself1 for no one is more indulgent to
 others4 ,in every acceptation of the   
term he is a true and holy monk2        
besides1 he has great judgment4444  ,and
 as ,durtal spoke to him of the other   
cenobites1 and wondered that there were 
some quite young men among them1 ,m4    
,bruno replied1  ,it is a mistake to    
suppose that most ,trappists have lived 
in the world4 ,the idea1 so widespread1 
that people take refuge in ,la ,trappe  
after long sorrows or disorderly lives1 
is absolutely false2 besides1 to be able

 to stand the weakening rule of the     
cloister it is necessary to begin young1
 and not to come in worn out with every 
kind of abuse4  ,it is also necessary to
 avoid confounding misanthropy with the 
monastic vocation2 it is not            
hypochondria1 but the divine call1 which
 leads to ,la ,trappe4 ,there is a      
special grace1 which makes all young men
 who have never lived in the world long 
to bury themselves in silence and       
therein suffer the hardest privations2  
and they are happy as ,i hope you will  
be2 and yet their life is still more    
rigorous than you would think2 take the 
lay brothers1 for example4  ,think of   
their giving themselves up to the most  
painful labour1 and that they have not1 
like the fathers1 the consolation of    
singing and assisting at all the        
offices2 remember that even their       
reward1 the communion1 is not very often
 conceded to them4  ,now think of the   
winter here4 ,the cold is frightful2 in 
these decayed buildings nothing shuts   

properly1 and the wind sweeps the house 
from top to bottom2 they freeze without 
fires1 they sleep upon pallets1 and they
 cannot help or encourage each other1   
for they hardly know each other1 as all 
conversation is forbidden4  ,think1     
also1 that these poor people never hear 
a kindly word1 a word which would soothe
 and comfort them4 ,they work from dawn 
till night1 and the master never thanks 
them for their zeal1 never tells the    
good workman that he is pleased4        
,consider1 also1 that in summer when men
 are hired from the neighbouring        
villages to reap the harvest1 these rest
 when the sun scorches the fields2 they 
sit in their shirt sleeves under the    
shade of the ricks1 and drink1 if they  
are thirsty1 and eat2 and the lay       
brother in his heavy clothes looks at   
them and goes on with his work1 and     
neither eats nor drinks4 ,ah6 men must  
have well-tempered souls to stand such a
 life4  ,but surely there must be some  
off days1 said ,durtal1 when the rule is

 relaxed8  ,never2 there is not even1 as
 in some very strict orders--the        
,carmelites1 to take one instance--an   
hour of recreation1 when the religious  
may talk and laugh4 ,here1 the silence  
is eternal4  ,even when they are        
together in the refectory8  ,then they  
read the ,conferences of ,cassien1 the  
',holy ,ladder' of ,climacus1 the ,lives
 of the ,fathers of the ,desert1 or some
 other pious book4  ,and on ,sunday8    
,on ,sunday they rise an hour earlier2  
but on the whole it is their best day1  
for they can follow all the offices and 
pass their whole time in church4        
,humility and self-denial carried to    
such an extent are superhuman6 cried    
,durtal4 ,but they are surely given a   
sufficient quantity of strong           
nourishment to enable them to give      
themselves up from morning till evening 
to exhausting work in the fields8  ,m4  
,bruno smiled4  ,they simply get        
vegetables which are not even as good as
 those which are served to us1 and1 by  

way of wine1 they quench their thirst   
with a sour and insipid liquid1 which   
leaves half a glass full of sediment4   
,they get a pint each1 and if they are  
thirsty they can add water4  ,and how   
often do they eat8  ,that depends4 ,from
 the #adth ,september to ,lent they only
 eat once a day1 at half-past two--and  
during ,lent this meal is put off till  
four o'clock4 ,from ,easter to the #adth
 ,september1 when the ,cistercian fast  
is less strict1 dinner is at about      
half-past eleven1 and to this may be    
added a light meal in the evening4  ,it 
is frightful6 to work for months on one 
meal a day1 two hours after noon1 after 
being up since two o'clock in the       
morning2 having had no dinner the       
evening before4  ,it is sometimes       
necessary to relax the rule a little1   
and when a monk fails from weakness he  
is not refused a morsel of bread4  ,it  
would be well1 continued ,m4 ,bruno1    
pensively1 to relax still further the   
grasp of these observances1 for this    

question of food is becoming a veritable
 stumbling-block in recruiting for ,la  
,trappe2 souls which delight in these   
cloisters are forced to fly them1       
because their bodies cannot stand the   
rule4#a       #a ,the opinion of ,m4    
,bruno has been lately adopted by all   
the      abbeys of the order4 ,in a     
,general ,chapter of ,la ,trappe1 held  
from      the #abth to the #ahth        
,september1 #ahid1 in ,holland1 at      
,tilburg1 it      was decided that      
except in seasons of fasting1 the monks 
might eat      a little in the morning1 
dine at eleven1 and sup in the evening4 
,article ,,cxvi4 of the new             
constitutions1 voted by this assembly of
      the ,chapter and approved by the  
,holy ,see1 is in effect thus           
conceived3--       ,diebus quibus non   
jejunatur a ,sancto ,pascha usque ad    
,idus      ,septembris1 ,dominicis per  
totum annum et omnibus festis ,sermonis 
aut feriatis extra ,quadrigesimam1 omnes
 monachi mane accipiant      mixtum1    

hora undecima prandeant et ad seram     
coenent4  ,and the fathers lead the same
 life as the lay brothers8              
,absolutely--they set the example2 they 
all swallow the same pittance1 and sleep
 in the same dormitory on similar beds2 
there is complete equality4 ,only1 the  
fathers have the advantage of singing   
the office and obtaining more frequent  
communions4  ,among the lay brothers    
there are two who have interested me    
particularly1 one quite young1 a tall   
fair man with a pointed beard1 the other
 a very old man1 quite bent8  ,the young
 one is ,brother ,anacletus2 this young 
man is a veritable column of prayer1 and
 one of the most precious recruits whom 
,heaven has bestowed upon our abbey4 ,as
 for old ,simeon1 he is a child of ,la  
,trappe1 for he was brought up in an    
orphanage of the order4 ,there you have 
an extraordinary soul1 a true saint1 who
 already lives absorbed in ,god4 ,we    
will talk of him at greater length      
another day1 for it is time we went     

down2 the hour of ,sext is near4  ,wait1
 here is the rosary which ,i am pleased 
to offer you4 ,allow me to add to it a  
medal of ,saint ,benedict4 ,and he made 
over to ,durtal a small wooden rosary1  
and the strange circle engraved with    
cabalistic letters1 the amulet of ,saint
 ,benedict4  ,do you know the meaning of
 these signs8  ,yes2 ,i read it once in 
a pamphlet of ,dom ,guranger4  ,good4   
,and1 by-the-bye1 when do you           
communicate8  ,to-morrow4  ,to-morrow2  
it is impossible6  ,why impossible8     
,because there will be only a single    
mass to-morrow1 that of five o'clock1   
and at that the rule prevents your      
communicating alone4 ,father ,benedict1 
who usually says an earlier mass1 went  
away this morning and will not return   
for two days4 ,there is some mistake4   
,but the prior positively declared to me
 that ,i should communicate to-morrow6  
exclaimed ,durtal4 ,not all the fathers 
here1 then1 are priests8  ,no1 in fact1 
as to priests1 there is the abbot who is

 ill1 the prior who will offer the      
sacrifice to-morrow at five o'clock1    
,father ,benedict of whom ,i spoke to   
you1 and another whom you have not seen 
and who is travelling4 ,and then1 if it 
had been possible1 ,i also should have  
approached the ,holy ,table4  ,then1 if 
the fathers are not all ordained1 what  
difference is there between those who   
have obtained the priesthood and the    
simple lay brothers8  ,education--to be 
a father a man must have studied1 must  
know ,latin1 and in a word must not be  
what the lay brothers are1 peasants or  
workmen4 ,in any case ,i shall see the  
prior1 and as to the communion          
to-morrow1 ,i will let you know1 after  
the office4 ,but it is tiresome2 it is a
 pity you could not have come up this   
morning1 with us4  ,durtal made a       
gesture of regret4 ,he went into the    
chapel1 dwelling on this misfortune and 
praying ,god not to delay his re-entry  
into grace any longer4  ,after ,sext1   
the oblate came to rejoin him4 ,it is   

just as ,i thought1 he said1 but        
nevertheless you will be admitted to    
take the ,sacrament4 ,the father prior  
has arranged with the curate who dines  
with us4 ,he will say a mass to-morrow  
morning before leaving1 and you will    
then communicate4  ,oh6 groaned ,durtal4
  ,this news broke his heart4 ,that he  
should have come to ,la ,trappe to      
receive the ,eucharist from the hands of
 a priest of passage1 from a jovial     
priest such as this man6 ,ah1 no1 ,i    
have confessed to a monk1 and ,i wished 
to receive the communion from a monk6 he
 exclaimed4 ,it would have been better  
to wait till ,father ,benedict          
returned--but what can ,i do8 ,i can    
hardly explain to the prior how         
repugnant this unknown priest is to me1 
and how terribly painful it would be to 
me1 after having gone through so much1  
to end by being thus reconciled in a    
cloister4  ,and he complained to ,god1  
telling ,him that all the joy he might  
have felt in being purified and clean at

 last1 was now spoilt by this           
disappointment4  ,he arrived at the     
refectory hanging his head4  ,the curate
 was there already4 ,seeing ,durtal's   
sad demeanour1 he charitably tried to   
cheer him1 but the jokes he attempted   
produced the opposite effect4 ,durtal   
smiled in order to be polite1 but his   
air was so wearied that ,m4 ,bruno1 who 
saw it1 turned the conversation and     
monopolized the priest4  ,durtal was in 
a hurry for his dinner to be over4 ,he  
had eaten his egg and was painfully     
swallowing a warm potato soup made with 
hot oil1 which from its appearance might
 have been mistaken for vaseline2 but he
 now cared little about his food4  ,he  
said to himself1 ,it is dreadful to     
carry away an irritating and painful    
recollection of a first communion--and  
,i know it will haunt me for ever4 ,i   
know well enough that from a theological
 point of view it does not matter       
whether ,i am dealing with a priest or a
 ,trappist2 both are but interpreters   

between ,god and me1 but yet1 ,i feel   
very well that it is not at all the same
 thing4 ,for once at least ,i need a    
guarantee of certain holiness1 and how  
can ,i have it with an ecclesiastic who 
hawks about jokes like a bagman8 ,he    
stopped1 remembering that the ,abb      
,gvresin1 fearing this mistrust1 had    
specially sent him to a ,trappist       
monastery4 ,what a run of ill-luck6 he  
said to himself4  ,he did not even hear 
the conversation which was going on     
beside him between the curate and the   
oblate4  ,he struggled with himself all 
alone1 as he chewed1 with his nose in   
his plate4  ,i do not wish to           
communicate to-morrow1 he went on1 and  
he was shocked4 ,he was cowardly1 and   
becoming foolish at the last4 ,would not
 the ,saviour give ,himself to him all  
the same8  ,he rose from the table1     
stirred by a dull anguish1 and he       
wandered in the park and went down the  
paths as chance led him4  ,another idea 
was now growing in him1 an idea that    

,heaven was inflicting a trial upon him4
 ,i want humility1 he repeated4 ,well1  
it is to punish me that ,i am refused   
the joy of being sanctified by a monk4  
,christ has forgiven me1 that is much4  
,why should ,he do more by taking note  
of my preferences and granting my       
wishes8  ,this thought appeased him for 
a few minutes1 and reproaching himself  
for rebelling1 he accused himself of    
being unjust towards a priest who1 after
 all1 might be a saint4  ,ah1 enough of 
that1 he said2 ,i must accept the fact1 
and try for once to be a little humble6 
but ,i have to recite my rosary4 ,he    
seated himself on the grass and began4  
,he had not reached the second bead1    
when misunderstanding again pursued him4
 ,he began again on the ,pater and ,ave1
 and went on thinking no more of the    
sense of his prayers1 reflecting3 ,what 
ill-luck that the one monk who says mass
 every day should be away1 so that ,i   
have to go through such a disappointment
 to-morrow6  ,he was silent and had a   

moment of calm1 when suddenly a new     
element of trouble burst upon him4  ,he 
looked at the rosary1 of which he had   
told ten beads4  ,let me see1 the prior 
told me to recite ten every day--ten    
beads or ten rosaries8  ,beads1 he said1
 and almost at the same moment answered1
 ,rosaries4  ,he remained perplexed4    
,but that is idiotic1 he could not have 
told me to go through the rosary ten    
times a day2 that would amount to       
something like five hundred prayers on  
end2 no one could do such a task without
 losing his wits4 ,there is no doubt1 it
 is clear he meant ten beads6  ,but no6 
for if a confessor gives a penance1 it  
must be admitted that he would          
proportion it to the greatness of the   
sins4 ,and as ,i have such repugnance   
for these drops of devotion taken in    
globules1 it is natural that he should  
gorge me with a large dose of the       
rosary6  ,still 444 still 444 it cannot 
be6 ,i should not have even time for it 
all in ,paris2 it is absurd6  ,and the  

idea that he was deceiving himself came 
intermittently charging back4  ,still1  
there must be no haggling2 in           
ecclesiastical language 'ten' means ten 
beads2 no doubt 444 but ,i remember very
 well that after he pronounced the word 
rosary1 the father expressed himself    
thus3 'you will say ten1' that means ten
 rosaries1 for otherwise he would have  
specified ten 444 of a rosary4  ,and so 
he thrust and parried with himself--,the
 father had no need to put the dots on  
all the i's1 if he were using an        
ordinary phrase1 known to everyone4     
,this cavilling about the value of a    
word is ridiculous4  ,he tried to get   
rid of this torment by appealing to his 
reason2 and suddenly there came out some
 argument which unsettled him4  ,he     
found out that it was through cowardice1
 idleness1 desire for contradiction and 
the necessity of rebelling1 that he did 
not wish to wind his ten reels4 ,of the 
two interpretations ,i have chosen the  
one which would relieve me of all effort

 and trouble1 it is really too          
easy6--that alone proves that ,i deceive
 myself when ,i try to persuade myself  
that the prior only ordered me to pick  
out ten beads6  ,then a ,pater1 ten     
,aves1 and a ,gloria are nothing2 it is 
not heavy as a penance6  ,and then he   
answered himself1 ,but it is much for   
you1 for you cannot even attempt so much
 without wandering4  ,he was turning on 
himself without advancing a step4  ,i   
have never felt such hesitation1 he     
said1 trying to pull himself together2  
,i am not stupid and yet ,i am fighting 
against my good sense1 for it is not a  
matter of doubt1 ,i know it1 ,i ought to
 say ten ,aves and not one more6  ,he   
remained nonplussed1 almost frightened  
at his condition which was new to him4  
,and1 to get out of the difficulty1 to  
silence himself1 he thought of a new    
idea to conciliate both parties1 which  
seemed most concise and which presented 
at least a provisional solution4  ,in   
any case1 he reflected1 ,i cannot       

communicate to-morrow if ,i do not      
complete my penance to-day2 in the      
doubt1 the wisest course is to yoke     
myself to the ten rosaries2 later ,i    
shall see2 if necessary ,i shall be able
 to consult the prior4 ,it is true that 
he will think me an idiot if ,i speak to
 him of these rosaries6 so ,i shall not 
be able to ask him that6  ,but then1 you
 see1 you admit yourself1 it can only be
 ten beads6  ,he was furious with       
himself1 and for silence' sake rushed   
upon the rosary4  ,he might well shut   
his eyes1 and try to collect himself1 it
 was impossible for him at the end of   
the second ten to follow his prayers2 he
 hesitated1 forgetting the large beads  
of the ,paters1 losing his way in the   
small beads of the ,aves1 stamping on   
the ground4  ,to check himself1 he      
thought of transporting himself in      
imagination at each dose1 into one of   
the chapels of the ,virgin which he     
loved to attend in ,paris1 at ,notre    
,dame des ,victoires1 at ,st4 ,sulpice1 

at ,st4 ,severin2 but these ,virgins    
were not numerous enough for him to     
dedicate each set of ten to them1 so he 
evoked the ,madonnas of the early       
masters1 and1 absorbed before their     
images1 he turned the windlass of his   
prayers1 not understanding what he      
mumbled1 but praying the ,mother of the 
,saviour to accept his paternosters1 as 
she would receive the lost smoke of a   
censer forgotten before the altar4  ,i  
cannot force myself any more1 he said4  
,he left this toil worried and crushed  
and wanting to take breath2 there were  
still three rosaries to exhaust4  ,and  
as soon as he had stopped1 the question 
of the ,eucharist1 which had been       
dropped1 came up again4  ,better not to 
communicate than to communicate badly2  
and it was impossible that after such   
debates and with such prejudices he     
could properly approach the ,holy       
,table4  ,yes1 but then what shall ,i   
do8--in reality1 was it not monstrous of
 me to dispute the monk's orders1 to    

wish to carry them out in my own way1 to
 take them up at my convenience6 ,if    
this goes on1 ,i shall sin so much      
to-day that ,i shall have to confess    
again1 he said4  ,to break through this 
feeling1 he threw himself again upon his
 wheel1 but then stupefied himself      
completely2 the device he had tried to  
keep himself before the ,virgin at least
 was used up4 ,when he wished to        
abstract himself and to bring up a      
recollection of ,memling1 he could not  
succeed1 and his lip-prayers1 wearying  
him1 distressed him4  ,my soul is worn  
out1 he thought1 ,i should do well to   
let it rest1 while ,i stay quiet4  ,he  
wandered round the pond1 not knowing    
what to do next4  ,suppose ,i go to my  
cell6 ,he went there1 tried to become   
absorbed in the ,little ,office of the  
,virgin1 and did not grasp a single word
 of the phrases he was reading4 ,he went
 down and began to prowl about the park 
again4  ,this is enough to drive me mad1
 he cried--and mournfully he exclaimed1 

,i ought to be happy1 to pray in peace  
and prepare myself for to-morrow's act1 
yet never have ,i been so restless1 so  
upset1 so far from ,god6  ,but ,i must  
finish this penance6 ,despair seized    
him1 and he was on the point of letting 
all go2 he mortified himself again1 and 
compelled himself to tell the beads4    
,he finished by despatching them2 he was
 at the end of his powers4 ,and he      
immediately found a new means of        
torture4  ,he reproached himself with   
having moaned the prayers negligently1  
without having even seriously tried to  
follow their meaning4 ,and he was on the
 point of beginning the rosary over     
again1 but in the face of the evident   
folly of this suggestion he pulled      
himself up1 refused to listen1 and then 
he worried himself again4  ,it is none  
the less true that you have not         
literally fulfilled the task assigned   
you by the confessor1 for your          
conscience reproaches you for your want 
of reflection and your wandering4  ,but 

,i am half dead6 he exclaimed4 ,i cannot
 go through the exercises again in this 
condition6--and once again he ended1 by 
giving a casting vote1 and finding a new
 weakness4  ,by saying over another ten1
 thoughtfully pronouncing the prayers   
with care1 he might make up for all the 
beads of the rosary which he had mumbled
 without understanding them4  ,and he   
tried to turn the crank1 but as soon as 
he had got out the ,pater1 he wandered2 
he was obstinate in wishing to grind out
 the ,aves1 but then his mind gave way  
and became thoroughly distracted4  ,he  
stopped1 thinking1 ,what is the use of  
it8 besides1 would one set of ten1      
however well said1 be equal to five     
hundred prayers that have missed fire8  
and then why one set of ten and not two1
 why not three8 it is absurd6  ,he grew 
angry2 ,after all1 he concluded1 these  
repetitions are absurd2 ,christ         
positively declared that we should not  
use vain repetitions in our prayers4    
,then what is the object of this wheel  

of ,aves8  ,if ,i dwell upon such ideas1
 if ,i cavil at the injunctions of the  
monk1 ,i am lost1 said he suddenly2 and 
by an effort of will1 he stifled the    
revolt which was rumbling in him4  ,he  
took refuge in his cell2 the hours      
lengthened interminably2 he killed the  
time by recapitulating all the same     
objections with all the same answers4   
,it was a repetition of which he was    
himself ashamed4  ,so much is certain1  
that ,i am the victim of an aberration1 
he said4 ,i do not speak of the         
,eucharist2 there my thoughts may not be
 exact1 but at least they are not       
maddening1 while as for this question of
 paternosters6  ,he confused himself so 
much that he felt hammered like an anvil
 between these two opposing ideas1 and  
finally sank drowsily on a chair4  ,thus
 he passed the time till the hour of    
vespers and supper4 ,after this meal he 
returned to the park4  ,and then the    
slumbering dispute revived and all came 
back4 ,a furious battle was raging      

within him4 ,he remained there1         
immovable1 astounded1 listening to      
himself1 when a rapid footstep          
approached and ,m4 ,bruno said to him1  
,take care1 you are possessed by the    
devil6  ,and as ,durtal1 stupefied1 did 
not answer1  ,yes1 he said1 ,god        
sometimes allows me intuitions1 and ,i  
am certain at this moment that the devil
 is working in you4 ,let us see1 what is
 wrong with you8  ,i 444 ,i do not know 
myself2 and ,durtal told him of the     
extraordinary conflict about the rosary 
which had been raging in him since the  
morning4  ,but this is madness1         
exclaimed the oblate2 it is ten beads   
the prior ordered you to tell2 ten      
rosaries would be impossible4  ,i know  
it 444 and yet ,i doubt still4  ,always 
the same tactics1 said ,m4 ,bruno2      
contriving to render disgusting the     
thing you ought to do4 ,yes1 the devil  
wished to make the rosary odious to you 
by crushing you with it4 ,and what is   
there besides8 ,you do not wish to      

communicate to-morrow8  ,true1 replied  
,durtal4  ,i thought as much1 when ,i   
was watching you at supper4 ,ah6 well1  
after conversions the ,evil ,one is at  
work2 and it is nothing1 believe me2 he 
was harder on me than that4  ,he slipped
 his arm under ,durtal's1 and leading   
him to the auditorium1 begged him to    
wait1 and disappeared4  ,some minutes   
afterwards1 the prior entered4  ,well1  
said he1 ,m4 ,bruno tells me that you   
are suffering4 ,what is it1 exactly8    
,it is so stupid that ,i am ashamed to  
explain myself4  ,you will never        
astonish a monk1 said the prior1        
smiling4  ,well1 ,i know precisely1 ,i  
am certain that you gave me ten beads of
 the rosary to recite every day for a   
month1 and1 since this morning1 ,i have 
been arguing with myself against all    
common sense1 to convince myself that my
 daily penance is to be the rosary ten  
times4  ,hand me your rosary1 said the  
monk1 and look at these ten beads2 well1
 that is all ,i prescribed for you1 and 

all you have to recite4 ,so you have    
told all the beads ten times to-day8    
,durtal signified assent4  ,and         
naturally you were perplexed1 you lost  
all patience1 and ended up by rambling4 
,and seeing ,durtal's pitiful smile1    
,well1 listen to me1 declared the       
father1 in an energetic tone1 ,i        
absolutely forbid you for the future to 
begin a prayer again2 it has been badly 
said2 so much the worse1 go on1 do not  
repeat it4  ,i need not ask you if the  
idea of abstaining from communion       
occurred to you1 for that comes of      
itself2 it is there that the enemy      
directs all his efforts4 ,do not listen 
to the devil's voice which would keep   
you away2 whatever happens you will     
communicate to-morrow4 ,you should have 
no scruple1 for ,i command you to       
receive the ,sacrament2 ,i take it all  
upon myself4  ,and now another question2
 what sort of nights have you8  ,durtal 
told him of the awful night of his      
arrival at ,la ,trappe1 and of the      

feeling of being spied upon which had   
awakened him the day before4  ,we have  
long known these manifestations1 they   
are without imminent danger2 do not     
therefore let them trouble you4 ,at the 
same time1 if they continue you will let
 me know1 and we will not neglect       
attending to them4  ,and the ,trappist  
left quietly1 while ,durtal remained    
thinking4  ,i never doubted that those  
phenomena were satanic1 he thought1 but 
,i did not understand these attacks upon
 the soul1 this charge at full speed    
against my reason which remains         
untouched1 and yet is overcome2 that is 
remarkable2 if only this lesson may be  
useful to me so that ,i may not be      
unhorsed on the first alarm6  ,he went  
up to his cell again and a great peace  
fell upon him4 ,all had died down at the
 voice of the monk2 he now only felt    
surprise at having been off the rails   
for hours2 he understood now that he had
 been assailed unawares and that the    
struggle had not been with himself4  ,he

 said his prayers and lay down4 ,and1   
suddenly1 the assault began again by new
 tactics he had not guessed at4  ,no    
doubt ,i shall communicate to-morrow1 he
 said to himself2 but 444 but 444 am ,i 
prepared for such an act8 ,i ought to   
have collected my thoughts in the       
day-time1 ,i ought to have thanked the  
,lord for having absolved me1 and ,i    
have lost my time in nonsense4  ,why did
 ,i not say that just now to ,father    
,maximin8 how is it ,i did not think of 
it8 ,then ,i ought to have confessed    
again4 ,and this priest who will give me
 the communion1 this priest6  ,the      
horror which he felt for this man       
increased suddenly and became so        
vehement that he was astonished4 ,ah1   
but there ,i am again knocked about by  
the enemy1 he said1 and he went on3     
,all that shall not prevent me from     
receiving the ,heavenly ,bread          
to-morrow1 for ,i have quite decided2   
only how frightful it is that the       
,spirit of ,malice should be allowed to 

oppress and harass me without respite   
while ,i have no sign from ,heaven which
 does not interfere1 and ,i know        
nothing4  ,ah6 ,lord1 if ,i were only   
certain this communion would please     
,thee6 ,give me a sign1 show me that ,i 
may ally myself with ,thee without      
remorse2 let the impossible take place  
so that1 to-morrow1 it may be a monk and
 not this priest4444  ,and he stopped   
himself1 astonished at his boldness1    
asking himself how he dared ask for1 and
 indicate a sign4  ,it is idiotic6 he   
exclaimed2 in the first place1 no one   
has a right to claim such favours from  
,god2 and then1 as ,he will not grant my
 prayer1 what shall ,i have gained8 ,i  
shall infer from the refusal that my    
communion will be worth nothing6  ,and  
he prayed the ,lord to forget his wish1 
excused himself for having formed it1   
and wished to convince himself that ,he 
should not take it into account1 and1   
helped by the agitations of the day1 he 
ended by falling asleep as he prayed4   

,,chapter ,,iv4   ,when he left his cell
 he said to himself1 ,this morning ,i   
shall communicate1 and these words1     
which should have thrilled him through  
and through1 woke no zeal in him4 ,he   
remained dull1 tired and caring for     
nothing1 feeling cold in the depth of   
his being4  ,nevertheless a fear        
stimulated him when he was outside4 ,i  
do not know1 he said to himself1 when ,i
 must leave my seat and go to kneel     
before the priest2 ,i know that the     
congregation should communicate after   
the celebrant2 but at what moment       
exactly ought ,i to move8 ,it is indeed 
another misfortune that ,i should have  
to go up1 alone1 towards this ,table    
which so disturbs me2 otherwise ,i shall
 only have to follow the others and at  
least be sure of not doing anything     
improperly4  ,he scrutinized the chapel 
as he went in1 looking round for ,m4    
,bruno who1 had he been by his side1    
might have kept off his scruples1 but   
the oblate could not be found4 ,durtal  

sat down1 disabled1 dreaming of the sign
 he had asked for the evening before1   
endeavouring to throw off the           
recollection1 thinking of it all the    
same4  ,he wished to examine himself and
 collect himself1 and he was praying    
,heaven to forgive him his mental       
vacillations when ,m4 ,bruno came in1   
and went to kneel before the statue of  
the ,virgin4  ,almost at the same minute
 a brother1 who had a beard like seaweed
 growing from a face like a pear1 took  
up to the altar of ,st4 ,joseph a small 
rustic table on which he placed a basin1
 a towel1 two vases and a napkin4       
,before these preparations1 which       
recalled the imminence of the           
,sacrifice1 ,durtal stiffened himself   
and succeeded by an effort in keeping   
back his anxieties and overthrowing his 
troubles1 and escaping from himself he  
ardently implored ,our ,lady to         
intervene so that he might1 for this    
hour at least1 without wandering1 pray  
in peace4  ,and when he had finished his

 prayer he lifted his eyes and looked   
with a start at the priest who was      
advancing1 preceded by a lay brother1 to
 celebrate mass4  ,this was not the     
curate whom he knew1 but another1       
younger1 very tall1 with a majestic air1
 with cheeks pale and shaven1 and a bald
 head4  ,durtal was watching him        
solemnly marching towards the altar with
 his eyes cast down when he suddenly    
noticed a violet flame light up his     
fingers4  ,he wears an episcopal ring1  
he is a bishop1 thought ,durtal1 who    
leant forward to see the colour of the  
vestment underneath the chasuble and    
alb4 ,it was white4  ,then it is a monk1
 he said1 astounded2 and1 mechanically1 
he turned towards the statue of the     
,virgin1 summoning the oblate by a hasty
 glance1 who came to sit beside him4    
,who is he8  ,dom ,anselm1 the abbot of 
the monastery4  ,he who was ill8  ,yes1 
he will give us communion4  ,durtal fell
 upon his knees1 suffocated1 almost     
trembling3 he was not dreaming6 ,heaven 

was answering him by the sign on which  
he had fixed4  ,he ought to abase       
himself before ,god1 to be overwhelmed  
at ,his feet1 to spread himself in a    
passion of gratitude2 he knew and wished
 it6 ,and without knowing how1 he was   
exercising himself in seeking natural   
causes which might account for the      
substitution of a monk for the priest4  
,no doubt it was very simple2 for on the
 whole1 before admitting a kind of      
miracle4444 anyhow1 ,i will keep an open
 mind1 for after the ceremony ,i wish to
 clear the matter up4  ,and he repelled 
the insinuations which crept into him4  
,well6 what interest could there be in  
the motive of this change8 there clearly
 must be a motive1 but it was only a    
consequence1 an accessory2 the important
 point was the supernatural will which  
had produced it4 ,in any case you have  
obtained more than you asked2 you have  
even a better than the simple monk you  
wished for1 you have the abbot of ,la   
,trappe himself6 ,and he cried3 ,oh1 to 

believe1 to believe like these poor lay 
brothers1 not to be endowed with a soul 
which is blown about by every wind2 to  
have the faith of a child1 an immovable 
faith1 a faith which cannot be rooted   
up6 ,ah1 ,father1 ,father1 bury it1     
rivet it in me6  ,and such was his      
enthusiasm that he came out of himself2 
all around him seemed to disappear and  
he cried1 stammering1 to ,christ3 ,lord1
 go not far from me4 ,let ,thy pity curb
 ,thy justice2 be unjust1 forgive me2   
receive ,thy poor bedesman for          
communion1 the poor in spirit6  ,m4     
,bruno touched his arm1 and with a      
glance invited him to accompany him4    
,they went up to the altar and knelt    
upon the flagstones1 then1 when the     
priest had blessed them1 they knelt     
closer on the single step1 and the lay  
brother handed them a napkin1 for there 
was no bar or cloth4  ,and the abbot of 
,la ,trappe gave them the communion4    
,they returned to their places4 ,durtal 
was in a state of absolute torpor2 the  

,sacrament had1 in a manner1 ansthetized
 his mind2 he fell on his knees at his  
bench1 incapable even of unravelling    
what might be moving within him1 unable 
to rally and pull himself together4     
,and all of a sudden the impression came
 over him that he was suffocating and   
wanted air2 the mass was finished2 he   
rushed out and ran to his walk2 there he
 wished to take an account of himself   
and he found nothing4  ,and in front of 
the cross pond1 in whose waters the     
,christ was drowning1 there came over   
him an infinite melancholy1 a vast      
sadness4  ,it was a true syncope of the 
soul2 it lost consciousness2 and when it
 came to itself1 he was astonished that 
he had not felt an unknown transport of 
joy2 then he dwelt on a troublesome     
recollection1 on the all too human side 
of the deglutition of a ,god2 the ,host 
had stuck against his palate1 and he had
 had to seek it with his tongue and roll
 it about like a pancake in order to    
swallow it4  ,ah6 it was still too      

material6 he only wanted a fluid1 a     
perfume1 a fire1 a breath6  ,and he     
tried to explain to himself the         
treatment that the ,saviour made him    
follow4  ,all his anticipations had     
returned2 it was the absolution and not 
the communion which had worked4 ,when   
with the confessor he had very clearly  
perceived the presence of the ,redeemer2
 all his being had1 in a manner1 been   
injected with divine effluvia1 and the  
,eucharist had only brought him         
suffocation and trouble4  ,it seemed    
that the effects of the two ,sacraments 
had changed places the one with the     
other2 they had worked the wrong way    
with him2 ,christ had been perceptible  
to his soul before and not afterwards4  
,but it is easy enough to see1 he       
reflected1 that the great question for  
me is to have an absolute certainty of  
my forgiveness6 ,by a special favour1   
,jesus has ratified my faith in the     
healing power of ,penance4 ,why should  
,he have done more8  ,and then1 what    

bounties would ,he reserve for ,his     
saints8 ,after all ,i am astonishing4   
,it is too much that ,i should wish to  
be treated as ,he certainly treats      
,brother ,anacletus and ,brother        
,simeon4  ,i have obtained more than ,i 
deserve4 ,and what an answer ,i had1    
this very morning8 ,yes1 indeed1 but why
 should such advances end suddenly in   
this recoil8  ,and making his way       
towards the abbey to eat his bread and  
cheese1 he said to himself3 ,my error   
towards ,god is to be always arguing1   
when ,i ought to adore stupidly as these
 monks here do4 ,ah6 to be able to keep 
silence1 silence to one's self1 that is 
indeed a grace6  ,he reached the        
refectory1 which1 as a rule1 he had to  
himself1 ,m4 ,bruno never coming to the 
meal at seven o'clock in the morning4   
,he was beginning to cut himself a piece
 of bread1 when the father guest-master 
appeared4  ,he had a whetstone and some 
knives in his hand1 and smiling at      
,durtal1 he said3 ,i am going to polish 

the knives of the monastery1 for they   
want it badly4 ,and he placed them on a 
table in a small room attached to the   
refectory4  ,well1 are you satisfied8 he
 said1 on coming back4  ,certainly--but1
 what happened this morning1 how is it  
,i was communicated by the abbot of ,la 
,trappe1 when ,i should have been by the
 curate who dines with me8  ,ah6        
exclaimed the monk1 ,i was as much      
surprised as you4 ,on waking1 the       
,father ,abbot suddenly declared that he
 must say mass this morning4 ,he got up 
in spite of the observations of the     
prior1 who as a doctor1 forbade him to  
leave his bed4 ,neither ,i1 nor any one 
else1 knows what took him4 ,then they   
told him that a retreatant would        
communicate and he answered ',just so1  
,i shall communicate him4' ,and then ,m4
 ,bruno took the opportunity of also    
approaching the ,sacrament1 for he loves
 to receive our ,saviour from the hands 
of ,dom ,anselm4  ,and this arrangement 
also satisfied the curate1 the monk went

 on1 smiling2 for he left ,la ,trappe at
 an earlier hour this morning and has   
been able to say his mass in a parish   
where he was expected4444 ,by the way1  
he told me to make his excuses to you   
for not having been able to bid you     
good-bye4  ,durtal bowed4 ,there is no  
doubt about it1 he thought1 ,god wished 
to give me an unmistakable answer4  ,and
 your health8  ,it is good1 father2 ,i  
am astounded2 my digestion has never    
been so good as it is here2 to say      
nothing of the fact that the neuralgia1 
which ,i feared so much1 has spared me4 
,that shows that ,heaven protects you4  
,yes1 indeed4 ,but now that ,i remember 
it1 ,i have long wished to ask you      
this--how are your offices arranged8    
,they do not correspond with those      
printed in my prayer-book4  ,no1 they   
differ from yours1 which belong to the  
,roman ritual4 ,at the same time1 the   
,vespers are almost similar1 except     
sometimes the lessons1 and then what may
 put you out is that ours are often     

preceded by the ,vespers of the ,blessed
 ,virgin4 ,as a general rule we have a  
psalm less in the office1 and the       
lessons are nearly always short4        
,except1 ,father ,etienne went on1      
smiling1 in ,compline1 the very one you 
recite4 ,thus you may have noticed we   
know nothing of ',in manus tuas1        
,domine1' which is one of the few short 
lessons sung in parish churches4  ,we   
have also a special ,proper of ,saints2 
we celebrate the commemoration of the   
,blessed of our order which you will not
 find in your books4 ,in fact we follow 
the letter of the monastic breviary of  
,saint ,benedict4  ,durtal had finished 
his breakfast4 ,he rose1 fearing to     
trouble the father by his questions4    
,one word of the monk1 however1 was     
troubling his brain1 that relating to   
the prior as a doctor2 and before going 
out he spoke of this again to ,father   
,etienne4  ,no--the ,reverend ,father   
,maximin is not a doctor1 but he        
understands simples very well1 and he   

has a small pharmacy which is enough as 
long as no one is seriously ill4  ,and  
in that case8  ,in that case the        
practitioner can be called in from one  
of the nearest towns1 but no one is ever
 so ill as that2 or else the end is     
approaching and the doctor's visit would
 be useless4444  ,so on the whole the   
prior looks after soul and body at ,la  
,trappe4  ,the monk signified assent4   
,durtal went out4 ,he hoped to get rid  
of his suffocation by a long walk4  ,he 
took a road which he had not been along 
before1 and came out on a glade where   
stood the ruins of an ancient convent1  
some bits of wall1 truncated columns and
 capitals in the ,roman style2 unhappily
 these remains were in a deplorable     
condition1 rough1 covered with moss and 
riddled with holes like pumice stones4  
,he went on and came to the end of a    
long walk1 at the top of which was a    
pond five or six times as large as the  
small one in the form of a cross1 which 
he frequented4  ,the walk was planted   

with old oaks on each side1 and in the  
middle1 near a wooden bench1 stood a    
cast-iron statue of the ,virgin4  ,he   
groaned as he looked at it4 ,the crime  
of the church followed him once more2   
even in this little chapel so full of   
divine compassion1 all the statues came 
from the religious bazaars of ,paris or 
,lyons4  ,he took his position below1   
near the pond whose banks were bordered 
by reeds surrounded by tufts of osiers2 
and he amused himself by examining the  
colours of these shrubs1 with their     
smooth green leaves and stalks of citron
 yellow1 or blood red1 noticing the     
curling water which began to foam with a
 gust of wind4 ,and the martins skimmed 
it1 touching it with the tips of their  
wings from which drops of water fell    
like pearls of quicksilver4 ,and the    
birds rose whirling above and giving out
 their cries of weet1 weet1 weet1 while 
the dragon-flies shone brightly in the  
air which they slashed with blue flames4
  ,peaceful refuge6 thought ,durtal2 ,i 

ought to have come to rest here before4 
,he sat down on a bed of moss and       
interested himself in the noiseless and 
active life of the waters4 ,now the     
splash and flash of the turn of a       
leaping carp2 now great spiders skating 
on the surface1 making little circles   
and driving one against another1        
stopping1 going back and making new     
rounds2 then1 near him on the ground1   
,durtal noticed jumping1 green          
grasshoppers with vermilion bellies1 or1
 scaling the oaks1 colonies of queer    
insects on whose backs a devil's head   
was painted in red lead on a black      
ground4  ,and above all that1 if he     
raised his eyes1 there was the silent   
upturned sea of heaven1 a blue sea      
crested with surging white clouds like  
waves2 and at the same time this        
firmament moved in the water where it   
billowed under a blueish gray glass4    
,durtal felt himself expand as he smoked
 cigarettes2 the melancholy which had   
oppressed him since the dawn began to   

melt away1 and joy crept into him as he 
felt his soul was washed in the pool of 
the ,sacraments and dried in the air of 
a cloister4 ,and he was at once happy   
and uneasy2 happy1 for the meeting he   
had had with the father guest-master1   
had removed all the doubts he had       
entertained as to the supernatural side 
to the sudden change of a priest for a  
monk to communicate him2 happy1 also1 to
 know that not only had ,christ not     
repulsed him in spite of all the        
disorders of his life1 but that ,he was 
encouraging him and giving him pledges1 
ratifying the signs of ,his favours by  
perceptible acts4 ,and nevertheless he  
was uneasy1 for he knew himself to be   
barren1 and felt that it was necessary  
for him to be grateful for this goodness
 by a struggle with himself and an      
entirely new existence differing        
completely from that he had hitherto    
led4  ,well1 we shall see6 and he went  
off to the office of ,sext almost       
calmed1 and thence to dinner1 where he  

found ,m4 ,bruno4  ,we will go for a    
walk to-day1 said the oblate1 rubbing   
his hands4  ,durtal looked at him with  
astonishment4  ,yes1 indeed1 ,i thought 
that after a communion a little air     
outside the walls would do you good1 and
 ,i proposed to the ,reverend ,father   
,abbot to free you from the rule for    
to-day1 if the offer is not disagreeable
 to you4  ,i gladly accept1 and thank   
you sincerely for your kind attention1  
said ,durtal4  ,they dined off a soup   
made with oil in which a stick of       
cabbage and some peas were swimming2 it 
was not bad2 but the bread made at ,la  
,trappe reminded him1 when stale1 of the
 bread in the siege of ,paris1 and made 
the soup turn sour4  ,then they tasted  
an egg with sorrel and some rice steeped
 in milk4  ,if it suits you1 said the   
oblate1 we will begin by paying a visit 
to ,dom ,anselm1 who has expressed a    
wish to know you4  ,and ,m4 ,bruno led  
,durtal through a labyrinth of passages 
and staircases to a small cell where the

 abbot was4 ,he was dressed like the    
fathers in a white robe and a black     
scapular2 only at the end of a violet   
cord he bore on his breast an abbot's   
cross of ivory1 in the centre of which1 
under a round glass1 some relics were   
inserted4  ,he gave his hand to ,durtal 
and begged him to sit down4  ,then he   
asked if the food seemed to be enough   
for him4 ,and on receiving a reply in   
the affirmative from ,durtal he inquired
 if the long silence did not weigh upon 
him too much4  ,not at all1 this        
solitude suits me perfectly4  ,well1    
said the abbot1 laughing1 you are one of
 the few laymen who have borne our rule 
so easily4 ,generally those who have    
tried to make a retreat here have been  
devoured by home sickness and spleen1   
and have had but one idea1 to get away4 
,let us see1 he said after a pause2 it  
is not possible1 all the same1 that such
 a sudden change of habits should not   
bring with it some painful privations2  
there must be at least one which you    

feel above all the others8  ,true1 ,i   
feel the want of being able to light a  
cigarette whenever ,i like4  ,the abbot 
answered smiling1 ,but ,i suppose you   
have not been entirely without smoking1 
since you came here8  ,i should tell a  
lie if ,i said ,i had not smoked in     
secret4  ,why1 bless me1 tobacco was not
 foreseen by ,st4 ,benedict2 there is no
 mention of it in his rule1 and ,i am   
therefore free to allow its use2 so     
smoke as many cigarettes as you like    
without being uneasy4  ,and ,dom ,anselm
 added3  ,i hope shortly to have a      
little more time to myself1 unless1     
indeed1 ,i am obliged to keep my room1  
in that case ,i shall be happy to have a
 longer talk with you4  ,and the monk1  
who seemed exhausted1 shook them by the 
hand4  ,going down into the court with  
the oblate ,durtal exclaimed1  ,the     
,father ,abbot is charming1 and quite   
young4  ,he is hardly forty4  ,he       
appears to be really ill4  ,yes1 he is  
not well1 and he required no common     

energy to say his mass this morning2 but
 let us see1 we will first of all visit 
the grounds of ,la ,trappe which you can
 hardly have been over completely1 then 
we will leave the enclosure and push on 
to the farm4  ,they started1 skirting   
the remains of the ancient abbey1 and as
 they walked1 turning by the piece of   
water near which ,durtal had been seated
 in the morning1 ,m4 ,bruno entered into
 explanations about the ruins4  ,this   
monastery was founded in #aabg by ,st4  
,bernard1 who installed the ,blessed    
,humbert as abbot1 an epileptic         
,cistercian1 whom he had cured by a     
miracle4 ,at that time there were       
apparitions in the convent2 a legend    
relates that two angels came and cut one
 of the lilies planted in the cemetery  
every time one of the monks died4  ,the 
second abbot was the ,blessed ,guerric1 
who was famous for his knowledge1 his   
humility and his patience in enduring   
evils4 ,we possess his relics and they  
are enclosed in the shrine under the    

high altar4  ,but the most remarkable of
 the superiors1 who succeeded each other
 here in the middle ages1 was ,peter    
,monoculus1 whose story was written by  
his friend1 the member of the synod1    
,thomas de ,reuil4  ,pierre1 called     
,monoculus1 or the one-eyed1 was a saint
 thirsting for austerities and          
sufferings4 ,he was assailed by horrible
 temptations at which he laughed4       
,exasperated1 the ,devil attacked his   
body and1 by fits of neuralgia1 broke   
his skull1 but ,heaven came to his aid  
and cured it4 ,by shedding tears from a 
spirit of penitence1 ,peter lost an eye1
 and he thanked our ,lord for this      
blessing1 ',i had' he said1 'two        
enemies2 ,i have escaped the first1 but 
the one ,i retain troubles me more than 
the one ,i have lost4'  ,he worked      
miracles of healing4 ,the king of       
,france1 ,louis ,,vii41 venerated him so
 much that1 on seeing the empty eyelid1 
he wished to kiss it4 ,monoculus died in
 #aahf2 they soaked linen cloths in his 

blood1 and washed his entrails in wine  
which was distributed1 for the mixture  
was a powerful remedy4  ,the property of
 the abbey was then immense2 it         
comprised all the country which         
surrounds us1 kept up several lazar     
houses in the neighbourhood1 and was the
 home of more than three hundred monks4 
,unfortunately what happened to others  
happened to ,notre-,dame de l',atre4    
,under the rule of abbots in commendam  
it declined1 and it was dying with only 
six religious to look after it when the 
,revolution suppressed it4 ,the church  
was then pulled down and afterwards     
replaced by the rotunda chapel4  ,only  
in #ahge the present house1 which ,i    
think dates from #agcc1 was reconciled  
and became a monastery again4 ,trappists
 were brought here from ,sainte ,marie  
de la ,mer1 in the diocese of ,toulouse1
 and this small colony has made         
,notre-,dame de l',atre the ,cistercian 
nursery you see4  ,such1 in few words1  
is the history of the convent1 said the 

oblate4 ,as for the ruins they are      
buried underground1 and no doubt        
precious fragments might be discovered1 
but for want of money and men no        
excavations have been made4  ,in        
addition to the broken columns and the  
capitals we passed1 there remains from  
the old church a large statue of the    
,virgin which has been erected in one of
 the corridors of the abbey2 besides    
this there are two angels fairly well   
preserved and which you may see down    
there at the end of the cloister in a   
small chapel1 hidden behind a curtain of
 trees4  ,a virgin1 before which ,st4   
,bernard may possibly have knelt1 ought 
surely to have been put in the church on
 the altar dedicated to ,mary1 for the  
coloured statue1 which surmounts it1 is 
of crying ugliness--like that one also1 
said ,durtal1 pointing out in the       
distance the cast-iron ,madonna which   
towered above the pond4  ,the oblate    
bowed his head and did not reply4  ,do  
you know1 exclaimed ,durtal1 who in the 

face of this silence did not persist and
 changed the conversation1 do you know  
that ,i envy you living here8  ,it is   
certain that ,i do not deserve this     
favour1 for1 on the whole1 the cloister 
is less an expiation than a reward2 it  
is the only place where1 far from the   
world and near heaven1 the only place   
where a man may give himself up to this 
mystic life which only develops in      
solitude and silence4  ,yes1 and if     
possible1 ,i envy you yet more that you 
should have had the courage to venture  
into regions which1 ,i confess1         
frightened me4 ,and ,i know so well     
that1 in spite of the spring-board of   
prayers and fasts1 in spite of the green
 house1 or orchid house atmosphere1     
wherein mysticism is grown1 ,i should   
wither away in these regions without    
ever expanding again4  ,the oblate      
smiled4 ,what do you know about it8 he  
replied1 the thing is not done in an    
hour2 the orchid you speak of does not  
flower in a day2 the advance is so slow1

 that mortifications space themselves   
out1 fatigues are distributed over      
years1 and1 on the whole1 are easily    
borne4  ,as a general rule it is        
necessary1 to cross the distance which  
separates us from the ,creator1 to go   
through three grades to attain that     
science of ,christian perfection which  
is called mysticism2 we must live in    
turn the life of ,purification1 of      
,illumination and of ,unity--to join the
 uncreated ,good and be poured out in   
,him4  ,it matters little that these    
three grand phases of ascetic existence 
subdivide themselves into an infinity of
 stages2 which are degrees according to 
,saint ,bonaventure1 dwelling places    
according to ,saint ,teresa1 steps      
according to ,saint ,angela2 they may   
vary in length and number1 according to 
the will of the ,lord and the           
temperament of those who go through     
them4 ,it is not disputed that the      
journey of the soul towards ,god        
includes1 first1 perpendicular and      

breakneck roads--these are the roads of 
the life of ,purification--next1        
narrower paths still1 but well marked   
out and accessible--these are the paths 
of the life of ,illumination--at length1
 a wide road almost smooth1 the road of 
the life of unity1 at the end of which  
the soul throws itself into the furnace 
of ,love1 and falls into the abyss of   
the most adorable ,infinity6  ,on the   
whole1 these three ways are successively
 reserved to those who start in         
,christian asceticism1 to those who     
practise it1 and finally to those who   
attain to the supreme end1 the death of 
self and the life in ,god4  ,long1      
pursued the oblate1 ,i have placed my   
desires beyond the horizon1 yet ,i      
progress little2 ,i am scarcely         
disengaged from the life of             
,purification1 scarcely4444  ,and you do
 not fear--how shall ,i say--material   
infirmities1 for if at last you succeed 
in attaining the limits of              
contemplation1 you risk the ruin of your

 body for ever4 ,experience seems to    
show1 in effect1 that the deified soul  
acts on the constitution and brings     
incurable troubles4  ,the oblate smiled4
 ,in the first place ,i should1 no      
doubt1 fail to attain to the last degree
 of initiation1 the extreme point of    
mysticism2 then1 supposing ,i attain it1
 what would corporal accidents be in the
 face of such results8  ,let me also    
assure you that these accidents are     
neither so frequent nor so certain as   
you seem to think4  ,a man may be a     
great mystic1 or an admirable saint1 and
 not be the subject of visible phenomena
 for those who surround him4 ,would you 
not think1 for example1 that levitation1
 or the flight of bodies in the air1    
which seems to constitute the highest   
state of rapture1 is one of the rarest8 
,whom can you quote to me8 ,saint       
,teresa1 ,saint ,christina the          
,admirable1 ,saint ,peter of ,alcantara1
 ,dominic of ,mary ,jesus1 ,agnes of    
,bohemia1 ,margaret of the ,blessed     

,sacrament1 the ,blessed ,gorardesca of 
,pisa1 and above all ,saint ,joseph of  
,cupertino1 who raised himself at will  
from the ground4 ,but they are ten or   
twenty out of thousands of the elect6   
,and note well that these gifts do not  
prove their superiority over other      
,saints4 ,saint ,teresa declares        
expressly3 it must not be imagined that 
anyone1 blessed as he may be in this    
respect1 is better than those who are   
not so blessed1 for our ,lord directs   
each one according to his particular    
need4  ,and then the doctrine of the    
,church is seen in the untiring prudence
 shown in the canonization of the dead4 
,qualities and not extraordinary acts   
decide this2 for the ,church1 miracles  
themselves are only secondary proofs1   
for she knows that the ,spirit of ,evil 
imitates them4  ,in the lives of the    
,blessed you will find1 too1 the most   
unusual deeds1 and more amazing         
phenomena than in the biographies of the
 ,saints4 ,these phenomena have rather  

hindered than helped them4 ,after having
 beatified them for their virtues1 the  
,church has put off--and no doubt for a 
long time--their promotion to the       
sovereign dignity of ,saints4  ,it is   
difficult1 on the whole1 to formulate an
 exact theory on this subject1 for if   
the cause1 if the mental action is the  
same in all mystics1 it differs a       
little1 as ,i have said1 according to   
,god's will and the character of the    
subjects2 the difference of sex often   
changes the form of the mystic flow1    
though in essence it never varies2 the  
rush of the ,spirit from on ,high may   
produce different effects1 but is none  
the less identical4  ,the only          
observation we dare make in these       
matters is that women1 as a rule1 are   
more passive and less reserved1 while   
men resist more violently the wishes of 
,heaven4  ,that makes me think1 said    
,durtal1 that even in religion there are
 souls which seem to have mistaken their
 sex4 ,saint ,francis of ,assisi1 who   

was all love1 had rather the feminine   
soul of a nun1 and ,saint ,teresa1 who  
was the most attentive of psychologists1
 had the virile soul of a monk4 ,we     
might correctly speak of ,saint ,francis
 as a woman and ,saint ,teresa as a man4
  ,the oblate smiled4 ,to return to your
 question1 he resumed1 ,i do not at all 
believe that illness can be the         
necessary consequence of phenomena      
aroused by the impetuous force of       
mysticism4  ,but look at ,saint         
,colette1 ,lidwine1 ,saint ,aldegonde1  
,jane-,mary of the ,cross1 ,sister      
,emmerich and how many more who passed  
their existence1 half paralyzed1 upon a 
bed6 ,they are a small minority4        
,besides1 the ,saints or ,blessed ones  
whose names you quote were victims of   
substitution1 expiating the sins of     
others1 a part ,god had reserved to     
them2 it is not1 therefore1 surprising  
that they were bed-ridden and cripples1 
and were constantly half dead4  ,no1 the
 truth is that mysticism can modify the 

needs of the body1 without1 for all     
that1 having much effect on1 or         
destroying the health4 ,i know well1 you
 would answer me with that terrible     
phrase of ,saint ,hildegarde1 a phrase  
at once just and sinister3 'the ,lord   
dwells not in the bodies of the healthy 
and vigorous1' and you might add1 with  
,saint ,teresa1 that evils are more     
frequent in the last of the castles of  
the soul4 ,yes1 but these saints hoist  
themselves on the summit of life and    
retain ,god in a permanent manner in    
their carnal shell4 ,having reached this
 point1 nature1 too feeble to support a 
perfect state1 gives way1 but1 ,i assert
 again1 these cases are an exception and
 not a rule4 ,and1 alas1 such maladies  
are not contagious4  ,i am quite aware1 
resumed the oblate1 after a pause1 that 
the very existence of mysticism is      
resolutely denied by some who in        
consequence can never admit the         
possibility of any influence over the   
bodily organs1 but the experience of    

this supernatural reality is from all   
time1 and proofs abound4  ,let us take  
the stomach for example4 ,well1 under   
the heavenly influence1 it becomes      
transformed1 omits all earthly          
nourishment and consumes the ,holy      
,species only4  ,saint ,catherine of    
,siena and ,angela of ,foligno lived for
 years exclusively on the ,sacrament2   
and this gift devolved equally upon     
,saint ,colette1 ,saint ,lidwine1       
,dominic of ,paradise1 ,saint ,columba  
of ,rieti1 ,mary ,bagnesi1 ,rose of     
,lima1 ,saint ,peter of ,alcantara1     
,mother ,agnes of ,langeac and on many  
others4  ,under the divine impress the  
senses of smell and taste presented no  
less strange metamorphoses4 ,saint      
,philip ,nevi1 ,saint ,angela1 ,saint   
,margaret of ,cortona recognized a      
special taste in unleavened bread1 when 
after the consecration there was no     
longer any wheat1 but the very flesh of 
,christ4 ,saint ,pacomius knew heretics 
by their foul smell2 ,saint ,catherine  

of ,siena1 ,saint ,joseph of ,cupertino 
and ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus discovered 
sins by their evil odours2 ,saint       
,hilarion1 ,saint ,lutgarde1 ,gentilla  
of ,ravenna1 could tell merely by the   
scent of those whom they met what faults
 they had committed4  ,and the ,saints  
themselves1 whether living or dead1     
exhaled powerful perfumes4  ,when ,saint
 ,francis de ,paul and ,venturini of    
,bergamo offered the ,sacrifice they    
smelt sweet4 ,saint ,joseph of          
,cupertino secreted such fragrant odours
 that his track could be followed2 and  
sometimes it was during illness that    
these aromas were diffused4  ,the pus of
 ,saint ,john of the ,cross and of the  
,blessed ,dide gave forth strong and    
distinct scent of lilies2 ,barthole1 the
 tertiary1 gnawed to the bones by       
leprosy1 gave out pleasant emanations1  
and the same was the case with ,lidwine1
 ,ida of ,louvain1 ,saint ,colette1     
,saint ,humiliana1 ,maria-,victoria of  
,genoa1 ,dominic of ,paradise1 whose    

wounds were boxes of perfume1 whence    
fresh scents escaped4  ,and thus we can 
enumerate organs and senses one after   
another1 and declare marvellous effects4
 ,without speaking of those faithful    
stigmata which open or shut according to
 the ,proper of the liturgical year1    
what is more astounding than the gift of
 bilocation1 the power of doubling      
oneself1 of being in two places at the  
same time1 at the same moment8 ,and yet 
what numerous examples exist of this    
incredible fact3 many are celebrated1   
amongst others those of ,saint ,antony  
of ,padua1 ,saint ,francis ,xavier1     
,marie of ,agreda1 who was at the same  
time in her monastery in ,spain and in  
,mexico when she was preaching to       
infidels1 ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus1 who 
came to visit ,m4 ,olier at ,paris      
without leaving her convent at ,langeac4
 ,and1 again1 the action from on ,high  
seems singularly energetic when it takes
 hold of the central organ of           
circulation1 the motor which drives the 

blood into all parts of the body4       
,numbers of the elect had such a burning
 heart that the linen they wore was     
singed2 the fire which consumed ,ursula 
,benincasa1 the foundress of the        
,theatines1 was so strong that this     
saint breathed columns of smoke as soon 
as she opened her mouth2 ,saint         
,catherine of ,genoa dipped her feet or 
her hands in iced water and the water   
boiled2 snow melted round ,saint ,peter 
of ,alcantara1 and1 one day when the    
blessed ,gerlach was crossing a forest  
in the depth of winter he advised his   
companion1 who walked behind him1 and   
who could not go on1 as his legs were   
numb1 to put his feet into his          
footsteps1 and immediately he ceased to 
feel cold4  ,i will add that certain of 
these phenomena1 which make freethinkers
 smile1 have been renewed and have been 
verified quite recently4  ,linen        
scorched by the fire of the heart has   
been observed by ,dr4 ,imbert-,gourbeyre
 on the stigmatized ,palma d',oria1 and 

phenomena of high mysticism1 which no   
science can explain1 were watched in the
 case of ,louise ,lateau1 minute by     
minute1 and noted and controlled by     
,professor ,rohling1 ,dr4 ,lafebvre1    
,dr4 ,imbert ,gourbeyre1 ,dr4 de ,noe1  
by medical delegates from all           
countries4444  ,but here we are1 said   
the oblate2 excuse me1 ,i will go first 
to show you the way4  ,they had left the
 enclosure as he spoke1 and cutting     
across the fields1 reached an immense   
farm4 ,trappists bowed respectfully as  
they entered the court yard4 ,m4 ,bruno1
 addressing himself to one of them1     
asked him to be good enough to take them
 over the property4  ,the lay brother   
took them to the cattle sheds1 then to  
the stables1 then to the poultry yard2  
,durtal1 who was not interested in such 
sights1 confined himself to admiring the
 grace of these good people4 ,no one    
spoke1 but they replied to questions by 
signs and winks4  ,but how do they      
communicate with each other8 asked      

,durtal1 when they were outside the     
farm4  ,you have just seen2 they        
correspond by signs2 they have a simpler
 alphabet than that of the deaf and     
dumb1 for each idea that they may       
require to express for their common work
 is foreseen4  ,thus the word 'wash' is 
translated by one hand tapping on the   
other2 the word 'vegetable' by          
scratching the left forefinger2 sleep is
 feigned by leaning the head upon the   
fist2 drink by raising a closed hand to 
the lips4 ,and for more spiritual       
expressions they employ a like method4  
,confession is translated by a finger   
kissed and laid upon the heart2 holy    
water by five fingers of the left hand  
clasped on which a cross is made with   
the thumb of the right hand2 fasting by 
fingers which close the mouth2 the word 
'yesterday' by turning the arm back     
towards the shoulder2 shame by covering 
the eyes with the hand4  ,but supposing 
they wished to indicate me1 who am not  
one of themselves1 how would they set   

about it8  ,they would use the sign of  
'guest1' which they make by stretching  
out the hand and bringing it near the   
body4  ,that means that ,i come to them 
from far1 an open and even transparent  
fact if you like4  ,they went silently  
along a walk which led down into the    
labour fields4  ,i have not noticed     
,brother ,anacletus or old ,simeon among
 these monks1 exclaimed ,durtal1        
suddenly4  ,they are not occupied on the
 farm2 ,brother ,anacletus is employed  
in the chocolate factory1 and ,brother  
,simeon looks after the pigs2 both are  
working in the immediate neighbourhood  
of the monastery4 ,if you like1 we will 
go and wish ,simeon good-morning4  ,and 
the oblate added1 ,you can tell them1   
when you go back to ,paris1 that you    
have seen a real saint1 such as existed 
in the eleventh century2 he carries us  
back to the time of ,st4 ,francis of    
,assisi2 he is in some sense the        
reincarnation of that astonishing       
,juniper whose innocent exploits the    

,fioretti celebrate for us4 ,you know   
that work8  ,yes2 after the ,golden     
,legend it is the book on which the soul
 of the ,middle ,ages is most clearly   
impressed4  ,but to return to ,simeon2  
this old man is a saint of uncommon     
simplicity4 ,here is one proof out of a 
thousand4 ,several months ago ,i was in 
the prior's cell when ,brother ,simeon  
appeared4 ,he made use of the ordinary  
formula in asking permission to speak1  
',benedicite4' ,father ,maximin replied 
',dominus1' and on this word1 which     
permitted him to speak1 the brother     
showed his glasses and said he could no 
longer see clearly4  ',that is not very 
surprising1' said the prior1 'you have  
been using the same glasses for nearly  
ten years1 and since then your eyes may 
well have become weaker2 never mind1 we 
will find the number which suits your   
sight now4'  ,as he spoke1 ,father      
,maximin mechanically moved the glass of
 the spectacles between his hands1 and  
suddenly he laughed1 showing me his     

fingers1 which were black4 ,he turned   
round1 took a cloth1 cleaned the        
spectacles1 and replacing them on the   
brother's nose1 said to him1 ',do you   
see1 ,brother ,simeon8'  ,and the old   
man1 astonished1 cried ',yes 444 ,i     
see6'  ,but this is only one side of    
this good man4 ,another is the love of  
his beasts4 ,when a sow is going to     
bring forth1 he asks permission to pass 
the night by her1 and delivers her1     
looking after her like his child1 weeps 
when they sell his little pigs or when  
the big ones are sent to the            
slaughter-house6 ,and how all the       
animals adore him6  ,truly1 the oblate  
went on1 after a silence1 ,god loves    
simple souls above all1 for he loads    
,brother ,simeon with graces4 ,alone1   
here1 he can reabsorb and even prevent  
the demoniacal accidents which arise in 
cloisters4 ,then we assist at strange   
performances3 one fine morning all the  
pigs fall on their sides2 they are ill  
and at the point of death4  ,simeon1 who

 knows the origin of these evils1 cries 
to the ,devil3 ',wait1 wait1 and you    
will see6' ,he runs for holy water1 and 
sprinkles them with it1 praying the     
while1 and all the beasts who were dying
 jump up1 frisking about and wagging    
their tails4  ,as for diabolic          
incursions into the convent itself1 they
 are but too real1 and sometimes are    
only driven back after persistent       
prayers and energetic fastings2 at      
certain times in most convents the      
,demon sows a harvest of hobgoblins of  
whom no one knows how to get rid4 ,here1
 the father abbot1 the prior1 and all   
those who are priests have failed2 it   
was necessary1 to give efficacy to the  
exorcisms1 that the humble lay brother  
should intervene2 so1 to forestall new  
attacks1 he has obtained the right to   
wash the monastery with holy water and  
to use prayers whenever he thinks well  
to do so4  ,he has the power of feeling 
where the ,evil ,one is hidden1 and he  
follows him1 tracks him1 and finally    

casts him out4  ,here is the piggery1   
continued ,m4 ,bruno1 showing a         
tumble-down old place in front of the   
left wing of the cloister1 surrounded by
 palisades2 and he added1  ,i warn you1 
the old man grunts like a pig1 but he   
will not answer your questions except by
 signs4  ,but he can speak to his       
animals8  ,yes1 to them only4  ,the     
oblate opened a small door1 and the lay 
brother1 all bent1 lifted his head with 
difficulty4  ,good-day1 brother1 said   
,m4 ,bruno2 here is a gentleman who     
would like to see your pupils4  ,there  
was a grunt of joy on the lips of the   
old man4 ,he smiled and invited them by 
a sign to follow him4  ,he introduced   
them into a shed1 and ,durtal recoiled1 
deafened by horrible cries1 suffocated  
by the pestilential heat of the liquid  
manure4 ,all the pigs jumped up behind  
their barrier1 and howled with joy at   
the sight of the brother4  ,peace1      
peace1 said the old man1 in a gentle    
voice2 and lifting an arm over the      

paling1 he caressed the snouts which1 on
 smelling him1 were almost suffocated by
 grunting4  ,he drew ,durtal aside by   
the arm1 and making him lean over the   
trellis work1 showed him an enormous sow
 with a snub nose1 of ,english breed1 a 
monstrous animal surrounded by a company
 of sucking pigs which rushed1 as if    
mad1 at her teats4  ,yes1 my beauty2 go1
 my beauty1 murmured the old man1       
stroking her bristles with his hand4    
,and the sow looked at him with little  
languishing eyes1 and licked his        
fingers2 she ended by screaming         
abominably when he went away4  ,and     
,brother ,simeon showed off other       
pupils1 pigs with ears like the mouth of
 a trumpet and corkscrew tails1 sows    
whose stomachs trailed and whose feet   
seemed hardly outside their bodies1     
new-born pigs which sucked ravenously at
 the teats1 larger ones1 who delighted  
in chasing each other about and rolled  
in the mud1 snorting4  ,durtal          
complimented him on the beasts1 and the 

old man was jubilant1 wiping his face   
with his great hand2 then1 on the oblate
 inquiring about the litter of some sow1
 he felt his fingers in a row2 replying 
to the observation that the animals were
 very greedy1 by stretching his arms to 
heaven1 showing the empty troughs1      
lifting ends of wood1 tearing up tufts  
of grass which he carried to his lips1  
grunting as if he had his muzzle full4  
,then he took them into the courtyard1  
placed them against the wall1 opened a  
door beyond1 and hid himself4 ,a        
formidable boar passed like a           
waterspout1 upset a wheelbarrow1        
scattering everything round him with a  
noise like a shell bursting2 then he    
broke into a gallop all round the       
courtyard1 and ended by taking a header 
into a sea of liquid manure4 ,he        
wallowed1 turned head over heels1 kicked
 about with his four feet in the air1   
and got up black and disgusting as the  
inside of a chimney4  ,after this he    
halted1 grunted a cheerful note1 and    

wished to fawn on the monk1 who checked 
him with a gesture4  ,your boar is      
splendid6 said ,durtal4  ,and the lay   
brother looked on ,durtal with moist    
eyes as he rubbed his neck with his     
hand1 sighing4  ,that means they are    
going to kill him soon1 said the oblate4
  ,and the old man acquiesced with a    
melancholy shake of his head4  ,they    
left him1 thanking him for his kindness4
  ,when ,i think of how this being1 who 
is devoted to the lowest duties1 prays  
in church1 ,i long to kneel before him  
and1 like his pigs1 kiss his hands6     
exclaimed ,durtal after a silence4      
,brother ,simeon is an angelic being1   
replied the oblate4 ,he lives the       
,unitive life1 his soul plunged1 drowned
 in the divine essence4 ,under a rough  
exterior an absolutely white soul1 a    
soul without sin1 lives in this poor    
body2 it is right that ,god should spoil
 him6 ,as ,i have told you1 ,he has     
given him all power over the ,demon2 and
 in certain cases ,he allows him also   

the power of healing by the imposition  
of hands4 ,he has renewed here the      
wonderful cures of the ancient saints4  
,they ceased speaking1 and1 warned by   
the bells which were ringing for        
,vespers1 they moved towards the church4
  ,and1 coming to himself again1 trying 
to recover1 ,durtal remained astounded4 
,monastic life retarded time4 ,how many 
weeks had he been at ,la ,trappe1 and   
how many days since had he approached   
the ,sacraments8 that was lost in the   
distance4 ,ah1 life was double in these 
cloisters6 ,and yet he was not tired of 
it2 he had bent himself easily to the   
hard rule1 and1 in spite of the scanty  
meals1 he felt no sick headaches or     
failing2 he had never felt so well6--but
 what remained was a feeling of         
stifling1 of restrained sighs1 this     
burning melancholy for hours1 and1 more 
than all1 this vague anxiety at         
listening again within himself1 and     
hearing united in his person the voices 
of this ,trinity1 ,god1 the ,devil1 and 

,man4  ,this is not the peace of the    
soul ,i dreamed of--and it is even worse
 than at ,paris1 he said to himself1    
recalling the maddening trial of the    
rosary--and yet--how can ,i explain it8 
,i am happy here all the same4          
,,chapter ,v4   ,rising1 somewhat       
earlier than his wont1 ,durtal went down
 to the chapel4 ,the office of ,matins  
was over1 but some lay brothers1 amongst
 whom was ,brother ,simeon1 were praying
 on their knees on the ground4  ,the    
sight of this holy swine-herd threw     
,durtal into a long train of thought4   
,he tried in vain to penetrate into the 
sanctuary of that soul1 hidden like an  
invisible chapel behind the dunghill    
rampart of a body2 he did not even      
succeed in representing to himself the  
docile and clinging soul of this man1   
who had attained the highest state to   
which the human creature can reach here 
below4  ,what a power of prayer he has1 
thought he1 as he looked at the old man4
  ,he remembered the details of his     

interview the evening before4 ,it is    
true1 he thought1 that in this monk ,i  
find something of the charm of that     
brother ,juniper1 whose surprising      
simplicity has come down through the    
ages4  ,and he brought to mind the      
adventures of that ,franciscan whom his 
companions left one day by himself in   
the convent1 telling him to prepare     
dinner against their return4  ,juniper  
reflected1 ,what an amount of time is   
spent in preparing food6 ,the brothers  
who take turns in that work have not    
even time to pray--and desiring to      
lighten the work of those who should    
succeed him in the kitchen1 he          
determined to cook such plentiful dishes
 that the community might dine on them  
for a fortnight4  ,he lighted all the   
stoves1 procured1 we are not told how1  
enormous boilers1 filled them with      
water1 threw into them1 pell-mell1 eggs 
with their shells1 chickens with their  
feathers1 vegetables he had neglected to
 trim1 and before a fire which would    

roast an ox1 he exerted himself to pile 
up and stir the ridiculous jumble of his
 stock-pots4  ,when the brothers came   
home1 and sat down in the refectory1 he 
ran1 his face browned and his hands     
burnt1 and joyously served up his stew4 
,the superior asked him if he were not  
mad1 while he remained stupefied that no
 one gobbled up this astonishing mess4  
,he declared in all humility that he    
thought he was doing a service to his   
brethren1 and only when he observed that
 so much food would be wasted1 did he   
weep hot tears1 and declare himself a   
wretch2 he cried that he was good for   
nothing but to spoil the property of    
,almighty ,god1 while the monks smiled1 
admiring this debauch of charity1 and   
the excess of ,juniper's simplicity4    
,brother ,simeon would be humble enough 
and simple enough to renew again such   
splendid jokes1 thought ,durtal1 but    
better still than the good ,franciscan1 
he recalls the memory of that           
astonishing ,saint ,joseph of           

,cupertino1 of whom the oblate spoke    
yesterday4  ,he1 who called himself     
brother ,ass1 was a charming and poor   
creature1 so modest1 and so ignorant1   
that he was turned away wherever he     
went4 ,he passed through life1 with open
 mouth1 thrusting himself eagerly       
against all the cloisters that repulsed 
him4 ,he wandered about unable to       
perform even the lowest tasks4 ,he was1 
to use a popular expression1 a regular  
butter-fingers1 and broke whatever he   
touched4 ,they ordered him to go and    
fetch water1 and he wandered without    
understanding1 absorbed in ,god1 and at 
the end1 when no one thought about it   
any more1 brought some after a month4   
,a monastery of ,capucins which had     
received him1 got rid of him4 ,he went  
his way1 vaguely1 out of his orbit among
 the towns1 stumbled into another       
convent where he employed himself in    
taking care of the animals1 whom he     
adored1 and he rose into a perpetual    
ecstasy1 revealing himself as the most  

singular of wonder workers1 putting the 
demons to flight1 and healing the sick4 
,he was at once idiotic and sublime2 in 
the hagiography he stands alone1 and    
seems to figure there to furnish a proof
 that the soul is identified with       
,eternal ,wisdom1 rather by ignorance   
than by science4  ,he also loves        
animals1 said ,durtal to himself1 as he 
looked at old ,simeon2 and he too puts  
to flight the ,evil ,one1 and works     
cures by his sanctity4  ,in a time when 
all men are exclusively haunted by the  
thoughts of luxury and lucre1 the soul  
appears extraordinary when divested of  
its bark1 as the candid and naked soul  
of this good monk4 ,he is eighty years  
old and more1 and he has led from his   
youth up the restricted life of the     
,trappists2 he probably does not know in
 what time he lives1 nor what latitudes 
he inhabits1 whether he is in ,america  
or in ,france1 for he has never read a  
newspaper1 and outside rumours do not   
reach him4  ,he does not even know the  

taste of flesh meat or wine2 he has no  
notion of money1 of which he does not   
suspect the value nor the appearance2 he
 does not imagine how a woman is made2  
and save for the breeding of his pigs1  
he perhaps cannot even guess the meaning
 and the consequences of the sin of the 
flesh4  ,he lives alone ringed round by 
silence1 and buried in the shade2 he    
meditates on the mortifications of the  
,fathers in the ,desert1 which are read 
to him as he eats1 and the frenzy of    
their fasts makes him ashamed of his    
miserable repast1 and he accuses himself
 that he is so well to do4  ,ah6 this   
,father ,simeon is innocent2 he knows   
nothing that we know1 and knows that of 
which all others are ignorant2 his      
education has been taken in hand by the 
,lord ,himself1 who teaches him truths  
which we cannot comprehend1 models his  
soul after heaven1 infuses ,himself into
 him1 possesses him1 and deifies him in 
the union of ,blessedness4  ,this puts  
us somewhat at a distance from          

hypocrites and devout persons2 as far   
indeed as modern ,catholicism is from   
,mysticism1 for certainly that religion 
is as grovelling on the ground as       
,mysticism is high6  ,and that is true4 
,instead of directing all our forces to 
that unknown end1 of taking our soul to 
fashion it in that form of a dove which 
the ,middle ,ages gave to the pyxes2    
instead of making it the shrine where   
the ,host reposes in the very image of  
the ,holy ,spirit1 the ,catholic        
confines himself to trying to conceal   
his conscience1 to deceive his ,judge by
 the fear of a salutary hell2 he acts   
not by choice1 but by fear3 he with the 
aid of his clergy1 and the help of his  
imbecile literature1 and his feeble     
press1 has made of religion a mere      
fetishism1 a ridiculous worship composed
 of statuettes and alms boxes2 candles  
and chromo-lithographs2 he has          
materialized the ideal of ,love1 in     
inventing an entirely physical devotion 
to the ,sacred ,heart4  ,what baseness  

of conception6 continued ,durtal1 who   
had come out of the chapel1 and was     
strolling along the bank of the great   
pond4 ,he looked at the reeds1 which    
bent like an harvest still green1 under 
a puff of wind2 then he half saw as he  
leant forward1 an old boat1 which bore  
almost effaced on its blueish hull the  
name ,alleluia4 ,this bark disappeared  
under the tufts of leaves round which   
were twined the bells of the            
convolvulus1 a symbolic flower1 since it
 widens out like a chalice1 and has the 
dead white of a wafer4  ,the scent of   
the water1 at once enticing and bitter1 
intoxicated him4 ,ah6 he thought1       
happiness certainly consists in being   
restricted to a place closely locked1 a 
prison very confined1 or a chapel always
 open1 and he caught himself up3 ,ah6   
there is ,brother ,anacletus2 the lay   
brother was coming towards him1 bending 
under a hamper4  ,he passed before      
,durtal1 smiling at him with his eyes3  
and while he went his way1 ,durtal      

thought1 ,this man is a true friend of  
mine2 when ,i was suffering so much     
before my confession1 he expressed all  
to me in a look4 ,to-day when he        
believes me serener1 and more joyous1 he
 is content1 and shows it to me by a    
smile2 and ,i shall never speak to him1 
,i shall never thank him1 ,i shall never
 even know who he is1 ,i shall perhaps  
never even see him again4  ,in leaving  
this place1 ,i shall keep a friend1 for 
whom ,i too feel affection2 yet neither 
of us has even exchanged a gesture with 
the other4  ,after all1 he thought1 does
 not this absolute reserve make our     
friendship more perfect8 it is stamped  
in the eternal distance1 it remains     
mysterious and incomplete1 and more     
certain4  ,while thinking over these    
reflections1 ,durtal went towards the   
chapel1 where the ,office called him1   
and thence to the refectory4  ,he was   
surprised to find the table laid only   
for one4 ,what has happened to ,m4      
,bruno8 ,yet ,i may as well wait a      

while1 and to kill time1 he occupied    
himself by reading a printed card1 hung 
upon the wall4  ,it was a sort of       
advertisement which began thus3         
,,eternity4       ,fellow sinners1 you  
will die4 ,be ye always ready4          
,watch then1 pray without ceasing1 never
 forget the ,four ,last      ,things    
which you see here traced      ,death1  
the gate of ,eternity1     ,judgment1   
which decides ,eternity1     ,hell1 the 
abode of unhappy ,eternity1             
,paradise1 the abode of blessed         
,eternity4  ,father ,etienne interrupted
 ,durtal1 telling him that ,m4 ,bruno   
had gone to ,saint ,landry to make some 
purchases1 and would only return at     
bed-time at eight o'clock4 ,dine then   
without waiting1 and make haste1 or all 
your dishes will be cold4  ,and how is  
the father abbot8  ,better1 he keeps his
 room still1 but he hopes to be able to 
come down a while1 the day after        
to-morrow1 and assist at least at some  
of the offices4  ,and the monk bowed and

 disappeared4  ,durtal seated himself at
 table1 ate some bean broth1 swallowed a
 soft-boiled egg and a spoonful of warm 
beans1 then once outside1 he passed     
along the chapel1 entered it1 and knelt 
before the altar of the ,virgin2 but at 
once the spirit of blasphemy filled him2
 he wished1 whatever it cost him1 to    
insult the ,virgin2 it seemed to him    
that he would experience a sharp joy1 an
 acute pleasure in soiling her2 but he  
restrained himself1 he wrinkled his face
 not to allow the coal-heaver's abuse1  
which was on his lips1 to escape4  ,and 
he detested these abominations2 he      
revolted against them1 strove against   
them with horror2 and the impulse became
 so irresistible1 that in order to keep 
silence he was obliged to bite his lips 
till they bled4  ,this is somewhat      
strong1 he said1 to hear grumbling in   
oneself1 the contrary of what one is    
thinking2 but he had need to call to his
 help all his will1 he felt that he     
should yield1 and spit out all these    

impurities2 wherefore he fled1 thinking1
 that should he find no means of        
resistance1 it were better to vomit this
 filth in the court rather than in the  
church4  ,and so soon as he quitted the 
chapel this madness of blasphemy ceased2
 he walked along the pond astonished by 
the strange violence of the attack4     
,little by little there came to him the 
unexplained intuition of a danger that  
menaced him4 ,as a beast that scents a  
hidden enemy1 he looked with precaution 
within himself1 and ended by seeing a   
black point on the horizon of his soul1 
and suddenly1 before he had time to     
reconnoitre1 and take account of the    
danger he saw arising1 this point       
extended1 and covered him with its      
shadow2 there was no more light in him4 
,he had that minute of unrest which     
precedes the storm1 and in the anxious  
silence of his being1 arguments fell    
like drops of rain4  ,the painful       
effects of the ,sacrament justified     
themselves1 had he not proceeded in such

 a way that his communion could not but 
be unfaithful8 ,evidently2 instead of   
collecting and straining himself1 he had
 passed an afternoon of revolt and      
anger2 the very evening before he had   
unworthily judged an ecclesiastic whose 
only wrong was that he took pleasure in 
the vanity of easy jokes4 ,had he       
confessed this injustice1 and these     
revolts8 ,not the least in the world2   
and after the communion still less2 had 
he1 as he should have done1 shut himself
 up alone with his ,guest8 ,he had      
abandoned ,him1 without thinking more of
 ,him2 had quitted his innermost cell1  
had taken a walk in the wood1 had not   
even been present at the ,offices4  ,but
 come1 come1 this blame is foolish4 ,i  
communicated1 just as ,i was1 on the    
formal order of the confessor2 as for   
the walk1 ,i did not ask for it nor wish
 for it4 ,m4 ,bruno1 in agreement with  
the abbot of ,la ,trappe1 decided it    
would do me good2 ,i have then nothing  
to reproach myself with2 ,i am          

blameless4  ,this does not prove that   
you would not have done better to spend 
the day in prayer1 in the church4  ,but1
 he cried1 with such a system one could 
not move1 one could not eat1 nor sleep1 
for one should never leave the church4  
,there must be time for everything1 or  
the devil take it all6  ,no doubt1 but a
 more diligent soul would have refused  
that excursion1 just because it was     
pleasant2 would have avoided it1 out of 
mortification1 in a spirit of penance4  
,evidently1 but 444 these scruples      
tortured him2 the fact is1 he said1 ,i  
might have employed my afternoon more   
wholesomely than that2 to believe that  
he had spent it ill was but a step1 and 
he made it4 ,he pelted himself for an   
hour1 sweating with agony1 heaping on   
himself imaginary sins1 and entering so 
far on that road that he ended by       
suddenly realizing his position and     
understanding he was out of the right   
track4  ,the story of the rosary        
returned to his memory1 and then he     

blamed himself for allowing himself to  
be again driven into a corner by the    
demon4 ,he began to breathe again1 to   
regain his footing1 when other attacks  
equally formidable presented themselves4
  ,it was no longer an insinuation of   
arguments which ran drop by drop1 but a 
furious rain1 which threw itself like an
 avalanche on his soul4 ,the storm1 of  
which the wave of scruples was only the 
prelude1 burst in its fulness2 and in   
the panic of the first moment1 in the   
violence of the tempest1 the enemy      
unmasked his batteries1 and struck him  
to the heart4  ,he had got no good from 
that communion1 but he was also too     
young at it4 ,ah6 indeed1 was he to     
believe that because a priest uttered   
five ,latin words over a bit of         
unleavened bread1 that bread was        
transubstantiated into the flesh of     
,christ8 ,that a child should accept    
such nonsense1 might be possible1 but   
that a man past forty should listen to  
such formidable shams1 was excessive2   

almost disquieting4  ,and these         
insinuations lashed him like hail       
showers3 how could bread made of wheat  
before1 have only the appearance of     
wheat afterwards2 what is flesh that is 
neither seen nor felt2 what is a body1  
which has such ubiquity as to be at the 
same time on the altars of divers       
countries2 what is that power which is  
annihilated when the ,host is not made  
of pure wheat8  ,and this became a      
regular deluge which overwhelmed him1   
and yet like an impenetrable pile1 that 
,faith he had acquired without ever     
having known how1 remained immovable1   
disappeared under torrents of           
interrogation1 but never stirred4  ,he  
revolted1 and said to himself3 ,this    
only proves that the sacramental        
darkness of the ,eucharist cannot be    
sounded4 ,moreover1 if it were          
intelligible1 it would not be divine4   
,if the ,god whom we serve could be     
comprehended by reason1 ,he could not be
 worth the trouble of serving1 said     

,tauler2 and the ',imitation' declares  
plainly also at the end of the ,i,vth   
book that if the works of ,god were such
 as man's intelligence could easily     
grasp1 they would cease to be           
marvellous1 and could not be qualified  
as ineffable4  ,and a mocking voice     
replied1  ,that is what you call        
answering1 avowing that there is nothing
 to answer4  ,in fact1 said ,durtal1 who
 reflected1 ,i have been present at     
spiritualistic experiences1 where no    
trickery was possible4 ,it was quite    
evident that there was no fluid from the
 spectators1 no suggestion of persons   
surrounding the table who dictated the  
responses2 then in giving its raps1 the 
table expressed itself suddenly in      
,english1 though no one spoke that      
language1 then a few minutes later1     
addressing itself to me1 who was at a   
distance from it1 and consequently was  
not touching it1 it told me this time in
 ,french1 facts which ,i had forgotten1 
and ,i alone could know4 ,i am then     

certainly obliged to suppose an element 
of the supernatural1 using a table in   
guise of an interpreter1 to accept if   
not the evocation of the dead1 but at   
least the proved existence of ghosts4   
,then it is not more impossible1 more   
surprising that ,christ should          
substitute ,himself for a piece of      
bread1 than that a ghost should hide and
 brag in the foot of a table4 ,these    
phenomena equally put our senses to     
rout2 but if one of them be undeniable1 
and spiritualistic manifestation        
certainly is so1 what motives can we    
invoke to deny the other1 which is      
moreover attested by thousands of       
saints8  ,after all1 he went on with a  
smile1 we have already demonstration by 
the absurd1 but this may be called      
demonstration by the abject1 for if the 
,eucharistic mystery is sublime1 it is  
not the same with spiritualism1 which is
 after all only the latrine of the      
supernatural6  ,if this were the only   
enigma1 began the voice again1 but all  

the ,catholic doctrines are on the same 
model2 examine religion from its birth1 
and see if it do not always issue by an 
absurd dogma4  ,here is a ,god1         
infinitely perfect1 infinitely good1 a  
,god who is not ignorant of past1       
present1 or future4 ,he knew then that  
,eve would sin2 therefore of two things1
 one2 either ,he is not good1 in that   
,he submitted her to that proof knowing 
that she had not power to stand it2 or  
again1 ,he was not certain of her       
defeat2 in that case ,he is not         
omniscient1 ,he is not perfect4  ,durtal
 gave no answer to this dilemma2 which  
is in fact difficult to resolve4  ,yet1 
he thought1 we may at once exclude one  
of these two propositions1 the latter2  
for it is childish to concern ourselves 
about the future1 when we have to do    
with ,god2 we judge ,him by our         
miserable understanding1 and there is   
for ,him neither present nor past1 nor  
future2 ,he sees them all at the same   
moment in light uncreate4 ,for ,him     

distance has no figure1 and space is    
nought4 ,it is consequently impossible  
to doubt that the ,serpent will conquer4
 ,this amputated dilemma is then out of 
order4  ,be it so1 but the other        
alternative remains2 what do you make of
 ,his goodness8  ,his goodness8 ,and    
,durtal had need to repeat again the    
arguments drawn from free will1 and the 
promised coming of the ,saviour2 and he 
was obliged to admit that these answers 
were weak4  ,and the voice became more  
pressing1  ,then you admit original sin8
  ,i am obliged to admit it1 because it 
exists4 ,what are heredity and atavism1 
save1 under another name1 the terrible  
sin of the beginning8  ,and does it     
appear to you just that innocent        
generations should make amends now and  
always for the sin of the first man8    
,and as ,durtal did not reply1 the voice
 insinuated gently1  ,this law is so    
iniquitous that it seems as if the      
,creator were ashamed of it1 and that in
 order to punish ,himself for ,his      

ferocity1 and not to make ,himself for  
ever execrated by ,his creature1 ,he    
wished to suffer on the ,cross1 and     
expiate ,his crime in the person of ,his
 own ,son4  ,but1 cried ,durtal1        
exasperated1 ,god could not commit a    
crime and punish ,himself3 were that so1
 ,jesus would be the ,redeemer of ,his  
,father1 and not ours2 it is madness6   
,little by little he recovered his      
balance2 he recited slowly the          
,apostles' ,creed1 while the objections 
which demolished it1 pressed one after  
the other within him4  ,there is one    
fact certain1 he said to himself1 for in
 all this tumult1 he was perfectly      
lucid1 that for the moment we are two   
persons in one4 ,i can follow my        
reasonings1 and ,i hear on the other    
side1 the sophisms my double breathes in
 me4 ,this duality has never appeared so
 clear to me4  ,and the attack grew     
feebler1 on this reflection2 it might   
have been believed that the enemy now   
discovered was beating a retreat4  ,but 

nothing of the kind2 after a short      
truce1 the assault began again on       
another point4  ,are you very sure that 
you have not suggested and shown the    
blow to yourself8 ,by having wished1 you
 have ended by begetting belief1 and by 
implanting in yourself a fixed idea1    
disguised under the name of grace1 round
 which everything now clings4 ,you      
complain that you did not experience    
sensible joys after your communion2 this
 simply proves that you were not careful
 enough1 or that1 tired by the excess of
 the evening before1 your imagination   
showed itself unready to play the       
infatuating fairy story you expected    
from yourself after the mass4           
,moreover1 you ought to know that in    
these questions all depends on the more 
or less feverish activity of the brain  
and the senses2 see what takes place in 
the case of women1 who deceive          
themselves more easily than men2 for    
that again declares the difference of   
conformations1 the variety between the  

sexes2 ,christ gives ,himself carnally  
under the appearances of bread2 that is 
mystical marriage1 the divine union     
consummated by the way of the lips2 ,he 
is indeed the spouse of women1 while we 
men1 without willing it1 by the very    
lodestone of our nature1 are more       
attracted by the ,virgin4 ,but she does 
not give herself1 like her ,son1 to us2 
she does not reside in the ,sacrament2  
possession is in her case impossible2   
she is our ,mother1 but she is not our  
,spouse1 as he is the ,spouse of        
virgins4  ,we conceive1 therefore1 that 
women are more violently duped1 that    
they adore better1 and imagine more     
easily the more they are petted4        
,moreover1 ,m4 ,bruno said to you       
yesterday1 ',woman is more passive1 less
 rebellious to the action of ,heaven    
444'  ,well1 what has that to do with   
me2 what does that prove8 that the more 
we love the better we are loved3 but if 
that axiom is false1 from the earthly   
point of view1 it is certainly exact    

from the divine point of view2 which    
would be monstrous1 and would come to   
this1 that the ,lord would not treat the
 soul of a ,poor ,clare better than     
mine4  ,there was again a time of rest1 
and the attack turned and rushed on a   
new place4  ,then you believe in an     
eternal hell8 ,you suppose a ,god more  
cruel than yourself1 a ,god who has     
created people1 without their having    
been consulted1 without their having    
asked to be born2 and after having      
suffered during their existence1 they   
will be again punished without mercy    
after their death2 but consider1 if you 
were to see your worst enemy in torture1
 you would be taken by pity1 and would  
ask pardon for him4 ,you would pardon1  
and the ,almighty be implacable2 you    
will admit this is to have a singular   
idea of ,him4  ,durtal was silent2 hell 
going on infinitely became in fact      
wearisome4 ,the reply that it is        
legitimate1 that punishment should be   
infinite1 because rewards are so1 was   

not decisive1 since indeed it were the  
property of perfect goodness1 to abridge
 the chastisements and prolong the joys4
  ,but1 in fact1 he said to himself1    
,saint ,catherine of ,genoa has         
elucidated the question4 ,she explains  
very well that ,god sends a ray of      
mercy1 a current of pity into hell1 that
 no damned soul suffers as much as it   
deserves to suffer2 that if expiation   
ought not to cease1 it may be modified1 
and weakened1 and become at length less 
rigorous1 less intense4  ,she remarks   
also1 that at the moment of its         
separation from the body1 the soul      
becomes obstinate or yields2 if it      
remain hardened and shows no contrition 
for its faults1 its guilt cannot be     
remitted1 since1 after death1 free will 
subsists no more2 the will which we     
possess at the moment of quitting the   
world remains invariable4  ,if1 on the  
contrary1 it does not persist in those  
impenitent sentiments1 a part of the    
repression will no doubt be removed2 and

 consequently is not devoted to a       
continual gehenna1 as that which        
deliberately1 while there is yet time1  
will not return to amendment1 refuses in
 fact to lay aside its sins4  ,let us   
add that according to the saint1 ,god   
does not even make the soul empty to be 
never polluted by sin1 for it goes there
 of itself2 it is led there by the very 
nature of its sins1 it flings itself in 
as into its own good2 is1 if one may say
 so1 naturally engulfed there4  ,in fact
 we may imagine to ourselves a very     
small hell1 and a very large purgatory2 
may imagine that hell is scantily       
peopled1 is only reserved for cases of  
rare wickedness1 that in reality the    
crowd of disincarnate souls presses into
 ,purgatory and there endures           
punishments proportioned to the misdeeds
 it has willed here below4 ,these ideas 
have nothing which cannot be sustained1 
and they have the advantage of being in 
accord with the ideas of mercy and      
justice4  ,exactly1 replied the voice in

 railing tones4 ,man then will do well  
to constrain himself2 he may steal1 rob1
 kill his father1 and violate his       
daughter2 the price is the same2        
provided he repent at the last minute1  
he is saved6  ,but no1 contrition takes 
away the eternity of punishment only1   
and not punishment itself2 everyone must
 be punished or rewarded according to   
his works4 ,he who will be soiled by a  
parricide or an incest will bear a      
chastisement different in pain and      
length to him who has not committed     
them2 equality in expiatory suffering1  
in reparative pain1 does not exist4     
,moreover this idea of a purgative life 
after death is so natural1 so certain1  
that all religions assume it4 ,all      
consider the soul is a sort of air      
balloon1 which cannot mount and attain  
its last end in space except by throwing
 away its ballast4 ,in the religions of 
the ,east1 the soul is re-incarnistic2  
in order to purify itself it rubs itself
 against a new body1 like a blade in    

sandstone troughs1 to brighten it4 ,for 
us ,catholics it undergoes no           
terrestrial avatar1 but it lightens and 
scours itself1 clears itself in the     
,purgatory1 where ,god transforms it1   
draws it out1 extracts it little by     
little from the dross of its sins1 till 
it can raise itself and lose itself in  
,him4  ,to have done with this          
irritating question of a perpetual hell1
 why not conceive that divine justice   
hesitates in the majority of cases to   
pronounce inexorable decrees8 ,humanity 
is for the most part composed of        
unconscious rascals and fools1 who do   
not take any count of the reach of their
 faults4 ,these are saved by their      
complete want of comprehension4 ,as for 
others who rot1 knowing what they do1   
they are evidently more blameworthy1 but
 society which hates superior beings    
takes on itself their punishment1       
humiliates and persecutes them2 and it  
is therefore allowed us to hope that our
 ,lord will pity these poor souls so    

miserably pelted during their stay upon 
earth by a horde of fools4  ,then there 
is every advantage in being imbecile1   
since one is spared both on earth and in
 heaven8  ,ah6 certainly1 and yet 444   
and yet4444 ,what is the good of        
discussion1 since we cannot frame for   
ourselves the least idea of the infinite
 justice of a ,god8  ,moreover1 this is 
enough1 these debates overwhelm me4 ,he 
tried to distract his thoughts from     
these subjects1 and would feign to break
 the obsession1 betake himself to       
,paris2 but five minutes had not passed 
before his double returned to the       
charge4  ,he entered once more on that  
halting dilemma which had so recently   
assailed the goodness of the ,creator in
 regard to the sins of man4 ,purgatory  
is then exorbitant1 for after all1 said 
he1 ,god knew that man would yield to   
temptations2 then why allow them1 and   
above all why condemn them8 ,is that    
goodness1 is that justice8  ,but it is a
 sophism1 cried ,durtal1 growing angry4 

,god has left to every man his liberty2 
no one is tempted beyond his power4 ,if 
in certain cases1 he allows the         
seduction to overpass our means of      
resistance1 it is to recall us to       
humility1 to bring us back to ,him by   
remorse1 for other causes which we know 
not1 which it is not ,his business to   
show us4 ,then probably those           
transgressions are appreciated in a     
different way to those which we have    
practised with our full accord4  ,the   
liberty of man6 it is a pretty thing4   
,yes1 let us speak of it1 and atavism1  
and our surroundings and diseases of the
 brain1 and of the marrow4 ,is a man    
driven by the impulses of sickness1     
overwhelmed by troubles of the          
generative organs1 responsible for his  
acts8  ,but what can be said if under   
these conditions these acts are imputed 
to him on high4 ,it is after all idiotic
 always to compare divine justice to    
man's tribunals2 for it is exactly the  
contrary2 human judgments are often so  

infamous that they attest the existence 
of another equity4 ,rather than the     
proofs of a theodicy1 the magistrature  
proves ,god2 for without ,him1 how can  
be satisfied that instinct of justice so
 innate in each of us1 that even the    
humblest beast possesses it8  ,yet1     
replied the voice1 all this does not    
hinder the change of character according
 as the stomach does its work ill or    
well2 slander1 anger1 envy are          
accumulated bile1 or faulty digestion2  
good temper1 joy1 come from a free      
circulation of blood1 the expansion of  
the body at will2 mystics are           
anemo-nervous people2 your ecstatics are
 hysterical patients badly-fed1         
madhouses are full of them2 they depend 
on science when visions begin4  ,all at 
once ,durtal recovered himself1 the     
material arguments were but little      
disquieting1 for none could remain      
standing3 all confounded the function   
and the organ1 the lodger and the       
lodging1 the clock and the hour4 ,their 

assertions rested on no base4 ,to liken 
the happy lucidity and unequalled genius
 of a ,saint ,teresa to the             
extravagances of nymphomaniacs and other
 mad women were so obtuse1 so clumsy1   
that it could only raise a smile6  ,the 
mystery would remain complete2 no doctor
 has been able to discover or could     
discover the psyche in those round or   
fusiform cells1 in the white matter or  
grey substance of the brain4 ,they would
 recognize more or less justly the      
organs which the soul uses to pull the  
strings of the puppet1 which it is      
condemned to move1 but itself remains   
invisible2 it has gone1 when after death
 they force open the rooms of its       
habitation4  ,no2 these newsmongers have
 no effect on me1 ,durtal assured       
himself4  ,but does this one do any     
better8 ,do you believe in the utility  
of life1 in the necessity of this       
endless chain1 this towage of           
sufferings1 to be prolonged for the most
 part after death8 ,true goodness would 

have consisted in inventing nothing1    
creating nothing1 in leaving all as it  
was1 in nothingness1 in peace4  ,the    
attack turned round on itself1 and after
 apparent variations1 returned always to
 the same starting point4  ,durtal      
lowered his head1 for this argument     
dismasted him2 all the replies which    
could be imagined were remarkably weak1 
and the least feeble1 that which        
consists in denying to ourselves the    
right to judge because we only see the  
details of the divine plan1 because we  
can possess no general view of it cannot
 avail against that terrible phrase of  
,schopenhauer3 ,if ,god made the world  
,i would not be that ,god1 for the      
misery of the world would break my      
heart6  ,there is no haggling in the    
matter1 he said to himself4 ,i can quite
 understand that sorrow is the true     
disinfectant of souls1 yet ,i am obliged
 to ask myself why the ,creator has not 
invented a less atrocious way of        
purifying us8  ,ah6 when ,i think of the

 sufferings shut up in madhouses1 and   
hospital wards1 ,i am revolted1 and     
inclined to doubt everything4  ,if1     
again1 grief were an antiseptic for     
future misdeeds or a detersive for past 
faults1 one might again understand1 but 
now it falls indifferently on the bad   
and on the good2 it is blind4 ,the best 
proof is the ,virgin who was without    
spot1 and who had not like her ,son to  
expiate for us4 ,she consequently ought 
not to be punished2 yet she too         
underwent at the foot of ,calvary the   
punishment exacted by this horrible law4
  ,good2 but then1 replied ,durtal1     
after a silence of reflection1 if the   
innocent ,virgin has given us an        
example1 by what right do we who are    
culpable dare to complain8  ,no2 we must
 therefore resolve to dwell in darkness1
 to live surrounded by enigmas4 ,money1 
love1 nothing is clear2 chance if it    
exist is as mysterious as ,providence1  
and indeed still more so2 it is         
inexplicable4 ,god is at least an origin

 of the unknown1 a key4  ,an origin     
which is itself another secret1 a key   
which opens nothing6  ,ah6 it is        
irritating1 he said to himself1 to be   
thus harassed in every sense4 ,enough of
 it2 besides these are questions which a
 theologian is alone able to discuss2 ,i
 am unarmed1 the game is not equal2 ,i  
will not answer any more4  ,and he could
 not but hear a vague laughter which    
arose in him4  ,he quitted the garden1  
and directed his steps towards the      
chapel1 but the fear of being seized    
again by the madness of blasphemy turned
 him away from it4 ,knowing not whither 
to go1 he regained his cell1 saying to  
himself1 that he ought not to wrangle   
thus2 yes1 but how could he help hearing
 the cavils which rose he knew not      
whence8 ,he almost shouted aloud3 ,be   
silent1 let the other speak6  ,when he  
was in his chamber he desired to pray1  
and fell on his knees at his bedside4   
,this was abominable2 for memories of   
,florence recurred to him4 ,he rose1 but

 the old aberrations returned4  ,he     
thought of that creature1 her strange   
tastes1 her mania for biting his ears1  
for drinking toilet scents in little    
glasses1 for nibbling bread and butter  
with caviare1 and dates4 ,she was so    
wild1 and so strange2 a fool no doubt1  
but obscure4  ,and if she were in this  
room1 before you1 what would you do8    
,he stammered to himself3 ,i would try  
not to yield4  ,you lie2 admit then that
 you would send your conversion1 the    
monastery1 all1 to the devil4  ,he grew 
pale at the thought2 the possibility of 
his cowardice was a punishment4 ,to have
 communicated1 when one was no more     
certain of the future1 no more certain  
of oneself1 was almost a sacrilege1 he  
thought4  ,and he became angry4 ,up till
 now he had kept right1 but the vision  
of ,florence subdued him4 ,he threw     
himself1 in desperation1 on a chair1 no 
longer knowing what would become of him1
 gathering what of courage remained to  
him to descend to the church1 where the 

,office was beginning4  ,he dragged     
himself there1 and held himself down1   
assailed by filthy temptations1         
disgusted with himself1 feeling his will
 yielding1 wounded in every part4  ,and 
when he was in the court he remained    
overwhelmed1 asking himself where he    
could take shelter4 ,every place had    
become hostile to him2 in his cell were 
carnal memories1 outside were           
temptations against ,faith1 or rather1  
he cried1 ,i carry these with me always4
 ,my ,god1 my ,god6 ,i was yesterday so 
tranquil4  ,he strolled by chance into  
an alley1 when a new phenomenon arose4  
,he had had1 up to this hour1 in the sky
 within him1 a rain of scruples1 a      
tempest of doubts1 a thunderstroke of   
lust2 now was silence and death4        
,complete darkness was within him4  ,he 
sought his soul by groping for it1 and  
found it inert1 without consciousness1  
almost icy4 ,he had a body living and   
healthy2 all his intelligence1 all his  
reason1 and his other powers1 his other 

faculties1 were benumbed little by      
little1 and stopped4 ,in his being there
 was manifested an effect at once       
analogous and contrary to that which    
curara produces on the organism1 when it
 circulates in the network of the blood2
 the members are paralyzed1 no pain is  
experienced1 but cold rises1 the soul   
ends by being sequestered alive in a    
corpse2 in this case it was the living  
body that detained a dead soul4         
,harassed by fear1 he disengaged himself
 with a supreme effort1 he would make a 
visit to himself1 see where he was1 and 
like a sailor who descends into the hold
 in a ship that has sprung a leak1 he   
had to step backwards1 for the gangway  
was cut1 the steps opened upon an abyss4
  ,in spite of the terror which rushed  
upon him1 he hung fascinated over the   
hole1 and by fixing the black point he  
distinguished appearances2 in a light as
 of eclipse in rarefied air1 he         
perceived at the basis of himself the   
panorama of his soul1 a desert twilight 

on the horizons that approached the     
night1 and under this doubtful light    
there seemed something like bare fields1
 a marsh heaped with rubbish and        
cinders2 the place of the sins torn up  
by the confessor remained visible1 but  
besides the dry darnel of dead vices    
which grew still1 nothing budded4  ,he  
saw himself exhausted2 he knew that he  
had no further force to extirpate the   
last roots1 and he fancied that he had  
again to sow the seed of virtues1 to    
till this arid soil1 manure this dead   
ground4 ,he felt himself incapable of   
all work1 and had at the same time the  
conviction that ,god rejected him1 that 
,god would aid him no more4 ,this       
certainty tore him to pieces4 ,it could 
not be expressed1 for nothing could     
translate the anxiety1 the anguish of a 
state through which he must have passed 
who could understand it4 ,the terror of 
a child who has never left its mother's 
petticoats1 and who is deserted1 without
 warning1 in the open country in a fog1 

could only give a vestige of an idea of 
it1 and again by reason of his age the  
child after having felt desolate would  
end by growing calmer1 by distracting   
himself from his grief1 no longer seeing
 the danger which surrounds him1 while  
in this state is danger1 clinging and   
absolute1 the immovable thought of      
abandonment1 obstinate fear1 which      
nothing diminishes1 nothing appeases4   
,one dare not advance nor retreat2      
rather cast oneself on the ground1 with 
bowed head1 and wait the end of what we 
know not1 and be assured that the       
menaces we ignore1 and those at which we
 guess1 are removed4 ,durtal was at this
 point2 he could not return on his      
steps1 for the way he had quitted       
horrified him4 ,he would rather have    
died than return to ,paris1 there to    
begin again his carnal experiences1 to  
live again his hours of libertinage and 
lassitude2 but if he could not again    
retrace his road1 neither could he      
advance1 for the road ended in a blind  

alley4 ,if earth repulsed him1 heaven at
 the same time was closed for him4  ,he 
was lying1 half on his side1 in the     
darkness1 in the shade1 he knew not     
where4  ,and this state was aggravated  
by an absolute failure to understand the
 causes which brought him there1 was    
exaggerated by the memory of graces     
before received4  ,durtal remembered the
 sweetness of the beginning1 the caress 
of the divine touches1 the steady       
progress without obstacles1 the         
encounter with a solitary priest1 his   
being sent to ,la ,trappe1 the very ease
 with which he bent to the monastic     
life1 the absolution which had such     
truly sensible effects1 the rapid and   
clear answer that he might communicate  
without fear4  ,and suddenly1 without   
his will1 he had in fact failed4 ,he who
 had till then held him by the hand1    
refused to guide him1 cast him off into 
the darkness without a word4  ,all is   
over1 he thought2 ,i am condemned to    
float here below1 like a waif which no  

one wants2 no shore is henceforward     
accessible1 for if the world refuses me1
 ,i disgust ,god4 ,ah6 ,lord1 remember  
the garden of ,gethsemani1 the tragic   
defection of the ,father whom ,thou     
didst implore in unspeakable pangs4 ,in 
the silence which received his cry he   
gave way1 and yet he desired to react   
against this desolation1 endeavoured to 
escape from his despair2 he prayed1 and 
had again that very precise sensation   
that his petitions did not carry1 were  
not even heard4 ,he called her who      
superintends allegiance1 the ,mediatrix 
of pardon1 to his aid1 and he was       
persuaded that the ,virgin heard him no 
longer4  ,he was silent and discouraged1
 while the shade grew still more dense1 
and complete darkness covered him4 ,he  
did not then suffer any longer in the   
true sense of the word1 but it was      
worse1 for this was annihilation in the 
void1 the giddiness of a man who is bent
 over a gulf2 and the scraps of         
reasoning which he could gather and knit

 together in this breaking up1 ended by 
branching out into scruples4  ,he sought
 for any sins which since his communion 
might justify such a trial1 and he could
 not find them4 ,he even tried to       
magnify his small faults1 enlarge his   
want of patience2 he wished to convince 
himself that he had taken a certain     
pleasure in finding the image of        
,florence in his cell1 and he tortured  
himself so violently that he reanimated 
the soul1 which had half fainted1 by    
these moxas1 and placed it again1       
without wishing it1 in that acute state 
of scruples1 in which it was when the   
crisis declared itself4  ,and in these  
brawling reflections he did not lose the
 sad faculty of analysis4 ,he said to   
himself while gauging himself at a      
glance3 ,i am like the litter in a      
circus1 trodden down by all the sorrows 
which go and come to play their parts4  
,doubts about ,faith1 which seemed to   
stretch into every sense1 turned in fact
 in the same circle4 ,and now scruples1 

from which ,i thought myself freed1     
reappear and course through me4  ,how   
should he explain this8 ,was he who     
inflicted this torture on him the       
,spirit of ,malice1 or ,god8  ,that he  
had been bruised by the ,evil ,one was  
certain1 the very nature of his attacks 
showed his handiwork1 but how could this
 abandonment of ,god be explained1 for  
in fact1 the ,demon could not prevent   
the ,saviour from assisting him1 and he 
was quite obliged to conclude that if he
 were martyrized by the one1 the ,other 
took no interest in him1 let him be1 and
 retired from him completely8  ,this    
certainty deduced from precise          
observations1 this reasoned assurance1  
finished him4 ,he cried out from the    
anguish of it1 looking at the pond by   
which he was walking1 wishing he might  
fall in1 thinking that death by drowning
 were preferable to such a life4  ,then 
he trembled before the water which      
attracted him1 and carried away his     
sorrows to the charm of the woods4 ,he  

tried to wear himself out by long       
walking1 but he wearied himself without 
effect1 and he ended by sinking down    
worn and broken at the refectory table4 
,he looked at his plate1 with no courage
 to eat1 no desire to drink2 he breathed
 hard1 and1 exhausted as he was1 could  
not keep in one place4 ,he rose and     
wandered in the court till ,compline1   
and there in the chapel1 where at least 
he hoped to find some solace1 was the   
crowning point of all2 the mine went    
off2 the soul1 sapped since the morning1
 exploded4  ,on his knees1 desolate1 he 
tried again to invoke help1 and nothing 
came2 he choked1 immured in so deep a   
trench1 under a vault so thick1 that    
every appeal was stifled1 and no sound  
vibrated4 ,without courage1 he wept with
 his head in his hands1 and while he    
complained to ,god that ,he had brought 
him thither to punish him in a ,trappist
 monastery1 ignoble visions assailed    
him4  ,fluids passed before his face1   
and peopled the space with priapisms4   

,he did not see them with the eyes of   
his body1 which were in no degree       
hallucinated1 but perceived them outside
 him1 and felt them within him2 in a    
word1 the touch was external1 and the   
vision internal4  ,he tried to gaze on  
the statue of ,saint ,joseph1 before    
which he kept himself1 and to see       
nothing but it1 but his eyes seemed to  
revolve1 to see only within1 and were   
filled with indecencies4 ,it was a      
medley of apparitions with undecided    
outlines1 and confused colours1 which   
gained precision only in those parts    
coveted by the secular infamy of man4   
,and this changed again4 ,the human     
forms vanished4 ,there remained only1 in
 invisible landscapes of flesh1 marshes 
reddened by the fires of what sunset it 
was impossible to say1 marshes          
shuddering under the divided shelter of 
the grasses4 ,then the sensual spot grew
 smaller still1 but remained1 and this  
time did not move2 it was the growth of 
an unclean flood1 the spreading of the  

daisy of darkness1 the unfolding of the 
lotos of the caverns1 hidden at the     
bottom of the valley4  ,and there1      
burning gasps excited ,durtal1 enwrapped
 him1 stifled him with furious gasps    
which drank his mouth4  ,he looked in   
spite of himself1 unable to withdraw    
himself from the outrages imposed by    
these violations1 but the body was still
 and remained calm1 while the soul      
revolted with a groan2 the temptation   
was then of no effect2 but if the tricks
 only succeeded in suggesting to him    
disgust and horror1 they made him suffer
 beyond measure1 while they delayed2 all
 the days of his shameful existence came
 to the surface1 all these enticements  
to greedy desires crucified him4 ,joined
 to the sum of sorrows accumulated since
 the dawn1 the overcharge of these      
sorrows overwhelmed him1 and a cold     
sweat bathed him from head to foot4  ,he
 was in agony1 and suddenly1 as though  
he had come to overlook his ministers1  
and to see if his orders were carried   

out1 the executioner himself entered on 
the scene4 ,durtal did not see him1 but 
felt him1 and it was indescribable4     
,since he had the impression of a real  
demoniac presence1 his whole soul       
trembled and desired to fly1 like a     
terrified bird that clings to the       
window-panes4  ,and it fell back        
exhausted2 then unlikely as it may      
appear1 the parts of his life were      
inverted1 the body was upright1 and held
 its own1 commanding the terrified soul1
 repressed this panic in a furious      
tension4  ,durtal perceived very plainly
 and clearly for the first time the     
distinction1 the separation of the soul 
from the body1 and for the first time   
also1 he was conscious of the phenomenon
 of a body1 which had so tortured its   
companion by its needs and wants1 to    
forget all its hatred in the common     
danger1 and hinder her who resisted it1 
the habit of sinking4  ,he saw that in a
 flash1 and suddenly all vanished4 ,it  
seemed that the ,demon had taken himself

 off1 the wall of darkness which        
encompassed ,durtal opened1 and light   
issued from all parts2 with an immense  
impulse the ,salve ,regina1 springing up
 from the choir1 swept aside the        
phantoms1 and put the goblins to flight4
  ,the elevated cordial of this chant   
restored him4 ,he took courage1 and     
began again to hope that this frightful 
desertion might cease2 he prayed1 and   
his petitions found vent2 he understood 
that they were at last heard4  ,the     
,office was at an end2 he gained the    
guest-house1 and when he appeared so    
worn out and pale before ,father        
,etienne and the oblate1 they cried3    
,what is the matter with you8  ,he sank 
on a chair1 and endeavoured to describe 
to them the terrible ,calvary he had    
climbed4 ,this has lasted1 he said1 for 
more than nine hours2 ,i wonder that ,i 
have not gone mad2 and he added1 ,yet ,i
 never could have believed that the soul
 could suffer so much4  ,the face of the
 father was illuminated4 ,he pressed    

,durtal's hands and said1  ,rejoice1 my 
brother1 you have been treated here like
 a monk4  ,how is that8 said ,durtal1   
surprised4  ,yes1 this agony1 for there 
is no other word to define the horror of
 the state1 is one of the most serious  
trials which ,god inflicts on us2 it is 
one of the operations of the purgative  
life4 ,be happy1 for it is a great grace
 which ,jesus does to you4  ,and this   
proves that your conversion is good1    
affirmed the oblate4  ,god6 ,but it was 
not ,he at any rate who insinuated      
doubts about the ,faith1 who caused to  
be born in me that madness of scruples1 
who raised in me that spirit of         
blasphemy1 who caressed my face with    
disgusting apparitions4  ,no1 but ,he   
allows it4 ,it is frightful1 ,i know it1
 said the guest-master4 ,god conceals   
,himself1 and however you may call on   
,him1 ,he does not answer you4 ,you     
think yourself deserted1 yet ,he is very
 near you2 and while ,he effaces        
,himself1 ,satan advances4 ,he twists   

you about1 places a microscope over your
 faults1 his malice gnaws your brain    
like a dull file1 and when to all this  
are joined1 to try you to the utmost1   
impure visions4444  ,the ,trappist      
stopped2 then1 speaking to himself1 he  
said1 slowly1  ,it would be nothing to  
be in presence of a real temptation1 of 
a true woman in flesh and bone1 but     
these appearances on which imagination  
works1 are horrible6  ,and ,i used to   
think there was peace in the cloister6  
,no1 we are here on this earth to       
strive1 and it is just in the cloister  
that the ,lowest works2 there1 souls    
escape him1 and he will at all price    
conquer them4 ,no place on earth is more
 haunted by him than a cell1 no one is  
more harassed than a monk4  ,a story    
which is told in the ,lives of the      
,fathers in the ,desert1 is typical from
 this point of view4 ,one demon only was
 charged to watch a town2 and he went to
 sleep while two or three hundred demons
 who had orders to guard a monastery had

 no rest1 but behaved themselves1 here  
is the place for the phrase1 like very  
devils4  ,and indeed1 the mission to    
increase the sin of the towns is a      
sinecure1 for ,satan holds them1 though 
they are not aware of it2 all then he   
has to do is to torment them so as to   
take from them trust in ,god1 since all 
obey him without his taking the least   
trouble about it4  ,and so he keeps his 
legions to besiege convents where       
resistance is determined4 ,and indeed1  
you see the way in which he conducts the
 attack4  ,ah6 exclaimed ,durtal1 it is 
not he who makes you suffer the most2   
for what is worse than scruples1 worse  
than temptations against purity1 or     
against the ,faith1 is the supposed     
abandonment of ,heaven2 no1 nothing can 
describe that4  ,that is what mystical  
theology calls 'the ,night ,obscure1'   
answered ,m4 ,bruno4  ,and ,durtal      
exclaimed1  ,ah6 now ,i am with you2 ,i 
remember4444 ,that is why ,saint ,john  
of the ,cross declares that it is       

impossible to describe the sorrows of   
that night1 and why he exaggerates      
nothing when he says1 that one is then  
plunged alive into hell4  ,and ,i       
doubted the veracity of his books1 ,i   
accused him of excess2 rather he        
minimized4 ,only one must have felt this
 oneself to believe it4  ,and you have  
seen nothing1 the oblate replied        
quietly2 you have passed through the    
first portion of that night1 through the
 night of the senses2 it is terrible    
enough1 as ,i know by experience1 but it
 is nothing in comparison with the      
,night of the ,spirit which sometimes   
succeeds it4 ,that is the exact image of
 the sufferings which our ,lord endured 
in the ,garden of ,olives1 when1        
sweating blood1 ,he cried at the end of 
,his force1 ',lord1 let this chalice    
pass from me4'  ,this is so terrible 444
 and ,m4 ,bruno was silent and grew     
pale4 ,whoever has undergone that       
martyrdom1 he said1 after a pause1 knows
 beforehand what awaits the damned in   

another life4  ,but1 said the monk1 the 
hour of bed-time has struck4 ,there     
exists but one remedy for all these     
evils1 the ,holy ,eucharist2 to-morrow1 
,sunday1 the community approaches the   
,sacrament2 you must join us4  ,but ,i  
cannot communicate in the state in which
 ,i am4444  ,well1 then1 be up to-night1
 at three o'clock4 ,i will come for you 
to your cell1 and will take you to      
,father ,maximin1 who confesses us at   
that time4  ,and without waiting for his
 answer1 the guest-master pressed his   
hand and went4  ,he is right1 said the  
oblate2 it is the true remedy4  ,and    
when he had regained his room1 ,durtal  
thought1  ,i now understand why the ,abb
 ,gvresin made such a point of lending  
me ,saint ,john of the ,cross2 he knew  
that ,i should enter into the ',night   
,obscure'2 he did not dare warn me      
clearly1 for fear of alarming me1 and   
yet he would put me on my guard against 
despair1 and aid me by the remembrance  
here of that reading4 ,only how could he

 think that in such a shipwreck ,i      
should remember anything6  ,all this    
makes me think that ,i have omitted to  
write to him1 and that to-morrow ,i must
 keep my promise by sending him a       
letter4  ,and he thought again of ,saint
 ,john of the ,cross1 that extraordinary
 ,carmelite who described so placidly   
that terrible phase of the mystic       
genesis4  ,he took count of the         
lucidity1 the power of spirit of this   
saint1 explaining the most obscure      
vicissitude of the soul and the least   
known1 catching and following the       
operations of ,god1 who dealt with that 
soul1 pressed it in ,his hands1 squeezed
 it like a sponge1 then let it suck up  
again1 fill itself out with sorrows1    
then wrung it again2 making it drip     
tears of blood to cleanse it4           
,,chapter ,,vi4   ,no1 said ,durtal1 in 
a whisper1 ,i will not take the place of
 these good people4  ,but ,i assure you 
it is quite the same to them4  ,and     
while ,durtal was still refusing to go  

before the lay brothers who were waiting
 their turn for confession1 ,father     
,etienne insisted3 ,i will stay with    
you1 and as soon as the cell is free1   
you will enter4  ,durtal was then on the
 landing of a staircase on every step of
 which was posted a brother kneeling or 
standing1 his head wrapped in his hood1 
his face turned to the wall4 ,all were  
sifting and closely examining their     
souls4  ,of what sins can they really   
accuse themselves8 thought ,durtal4 ,who
 knows8 he continued1 perceiving        
,brother ,anacletus1 his head sunk on   
his breast1 and his hands joined1 who   
knows if he does not reproach himself   
for the discreet affection he has for   
me2 for in monasteries all friendship is
 forbidden6  ,and he called to memory in
 the ,way of ,perfection of ,saint      
,teresa1 a page at once glowing and icy 
in which she cries out on the           
nothingness of human ties1 declares that
 friendship is a weakness1 and asserts  
clearly that every nun who desires to   

see her relations is imperfect4  ,come1 
said ,father ,etienne1 who interrupted  
these reflections1 and pushed him       
towards the door of the cell out of     
which a monk came4 ,father ,maximin was 
there1 seated close to a prie-,dieu4    
,durtal knelt1 and told him briefly his 
scruples and strifes of the evening     
before4  ,what has happened to you is   
not surprising after a conversion2      
indeed1 it is a good sign1 for those    
persons alone for whom ,god has views   
are submitted to these proofs1 said the 
monk slowly1 when ,durtal had ended his 
story4  ,and he continued1  ,now that   
you have no more grave sins1 the ,demon 
endeavours to drown you by spitting at  
you4 ,in fact1 in these episodes of     
malice at bay1 there is for you         
temptation and no sin4  ,you have1 if ,i
 may sum up what you have said1         
undergone temptation of the flesh1 and  
of ,faith1 and you have been tortured by
 scruples4  ,let us leave on one side   
the sensual visions2 such as they have  

been were produced independently of your
 will1 painful no doubt1 but            
ineffectual4  ,doubts about ,faith are  
more dangerous4  ,steep yourself in this
 truth that besides prayer there exists 
but one efficacious remedy against this 
evil1 to despise it4  ,satan is pride2  
despise him1 and at once his audacity   
gives way2 he speaks2 shrug your        
shoulders and he is silent4 ,you must   
not discuss with him2 however good a    
reasoner you may be1 you will be        
worsted1 for he is a most tricky        
dialectician4  ,yes1 but what can ,i do8
 ,i do not wish to listen to him1 but ,i
 hear him all the same4 ,i was obliged  
to answer him if only to refute him4    
,and it was just on that he counted to  
subdue you2 keep this carefully in your 
mind2 in order to let you give him an   
easy throw1 he will present you at need 
grotesque arguments1 and so soon as he  
sees you confident1 simply satisfied    
with the excellence of your replies1 he 
will involve you in sophisms so specious

 that you will fight in vain to solve   
them4  ,no2 ,i repeat to you1 had you   
the best reasons to oppose to him1 do   
not riposte1 refuse the strife4  ,the   
prior was silent2 then he began again1  
quietly1  ,there are two ways of getting
 rid of a thing which troubles you--to  
throw it far away1 or let it fall4 ,to  
throw it to a distance demands an effort
 of which one may not be capable2 to let
 it fall imposes no fatigue1 is simple1 
without danger1 within the reach of all4
  ,to throw to a distance implies again 
a certain interest1 a certain animation1
 perhaps even a certain fear2 to let it 
fall is indifference1 complete contempt2
 believe me1 use this means and ,satan  
will fly4  ,this weapon of contempt will
 be also all-powerful to conquer the    
assault of scruples1 if in combats of   
this nature the person assailed sees    
clear4 ,unfortunately1 the peculiarity  
of scruples is to alarm people1 to make 
them lose at once the clearing breeze1  
and then it is indispensable to have    

recourse to a priest to defend oneself4 
,indeed1 pursued the monk1 who had      
interrupted himself a moment to         
think--the closer one looks the less one
 sees2 one becomes short-sighted the    
moment one observes2 it is necessary to 
place oneself at a certain point of view
 to distinguish objects1 for when they  
are very close they become as confused  
as if they were far4 ,therefore in such 
a case we must have recourse to the     
confessor1 who is neither too distant1  
nor too near1 who holds himself         
precisely at the spot where objects     
detach themselves in their relief4 ,only
 it is with scruples as with certain    
maladies which1 when they are not taken 
in time1 become almost incurable4  ,do  
not allow them1 then1 to become         
implanted in you2 scruple cannot resist 
being told as soon as it begins4 ,the   
moment you formulate it before the      
priest it dissolves2 it is a kind of    
mirage which a word effaces4  ,you will 
object to me1 continued the monk1 after 

a silence1 that it is very mortifying to
 avow delusions which generally are     
absurd2 but it is for this very reason  
that the demon suggests to you less     
clever arguments than foolish4 ,he takes
 hold of you thus by vanity1 by false   
shame4  ,the monk was silent again2 then
 he continued1  ,scruples not treated1  
scruples not cured1 lead to             
discouragement which is the worst of    
temptations2 for in other cases ,satan  
attacks one virtue only in particular1  
and he shows himself2 while in this case
 he attacks all at once1 and he hides   
himself4  ,and this is so true that if  
you are seduced by lust1 by the love of 
money1 or by pride1 you can1 in         
examining yourself1 give yourself       
account of the nature of the temptation 
which exhausts you2 in discouragement1  
on the contrary1 your understanding is  
obscured to such a degree that you do   
not even suspect that the state in which
 you succumb is only a diabolic         
manoeuvre which you must combat2 and you

 let go all1 you give up the only arm   
which can save you1 prayer1 from which  
the demon turns you aside as a vain     
thing4  ,never hesitate1 then1 to cut   
the evil at its root1 to take care of a 
scruple as soon as it is born4  ,now    
tell me2 you have nothing else to       
confess8  ,no1 except the indesire for  
the ,eucharist1 the languor in which ,i 
now faint4  ,there is some fatigue in   
your case1 for no one can endure such a 
shock with impunity2 do not be uneasy   
about that1 have confidence1 do not     
attempt to present yourself before ,god 
all neat and trim2 go to ,him simply1   
naturally1 in undress even1 just as you 
are2 do not forget that if you are a    
servant you are also a son2 have good   
courage1 our ,lord will dispel all these
 nightmares4  ,and when he had received 
absolution1 ,durtal went down to the    
church to await the hour of mass4  ,and 
when the moment for communion came1 he  
followed ,m4 ,bruno behind the lay      
brothers4 ,all were kneeling on the     

pavement1 and one after the other rose  
to exchange the kiss of peace1 and reach
 the altar4  ,though he repeated to     
himself the counsels of ,father         
,maximin1 though he exhorted himself to 
dismiss all his unrest1 ,durtal could   
not help thinking as he saw these monks 
approach the ,table1 ,the ,lord will    
find a change when ,i advance in my     
turn2 after having descended into the   
sanctuaries1 ,he will be reduced to     
visit hovel4 ,and sincerely1 humbly1 he 
was sorry for ,him4  ,and as the first  
time that he approached this            
peace-giving mystery1 he experienced a  
sensation of stifling1 as if his heart  
were too large when he returned to his  
place4 ,as soon as the mass was over1 he
 quitted the chapel and escaped into the
 park4  ,then gently1 without sensible  
effects1 the ,sacrament worked2 ,christ 
opened1 little by little1 his closed    
house and gave it air1 light entered    
into ,durtal in a flood4 ,from the      
windows of his senses which had looked  

till then into he knew not what         
cesspool1 into what enclosure1 dank1 and
 steeped in shadow2 he now looked       
suddenly1 through a burst of light1 on a
 vista which lost itself in heaven4     
,his vision of nature was modified2 the 
surroundings were transformed2 the fog  
of sadness which visited them vanished2 
the sudden clearness of his soul was    
repeated in its surroundings4  ,he had  
the sensation of expansion1 the almost  
childlike joy of a sick man who takes   
his first outing1 of the convalescent1  
who having long crawled in a chamber1   
sets foot without2 all grew young again4
 ,these alleys1 this wood1 through which
 he had wandered so much1 which he began
 to know in all their windings1 and in  
every corner1 began to appear to him in 
a new aspect4 ,a restrained joy1 a      
repressed gladness emanated from this   
site1 which appeared to him1 instead of 
extending as formerly1 to draw near and 
gather round the crucifix1 to turn1 as  
it were1 with attention towards the     

liquid cross4  ,the trees rustled       
trembling1 in a whisper of prayers1     
inclining towards the ,christ1 who no   
longer twisted ,his painful arms in the 
mirror of the pool1 but ,he constrained 
these waters1 and displayed them before 
,him1 blessing them4  ,they were        
themselves different2 the dark fluid was
 covered with monastic visions1 in white
 robes1 which the reflections of clouds 
left there in passing1 and the swan     
scattered them1 in a splash of sunlight1
 making as he swam great oily circles   
round him4  ,one might have said that   
these waves were gilt by the oil of the 
catechumens1 and the sacred ,chrism1    
which the ,church exorcises on the      
,saturday of ,holy ,week1 and above them
 heaven half-opened its tabernacle of   
clouds1 out of which came a clear sun   
like a monstrance of molten gold in a   
,blessed ,sacrament of flames4  ,it was 
a ,benediction of nature1 a genuflection
 of trees and flowers1 singing in the   
wind1 incensing with their perfume the  

sacred ,bread which shone on high1 in   
the flaming custody of the planet4      
,durtal looked on in transport4 ,he     
desired to cry aloud his enthusiasm and 
his ,faith to the landscape2 he felt a  
joy in living4 ,the horror of existence 
counted for nothing when there were such
 moments1 as no earthly happiness can   
give4 ,god alone had the power of thus  
filling a soul1 of making it overflow1  
and rush in floods of joy2 and ,he alone
 could also fill the basin of sorrows1  
as no event in this world could do4     
,durtal had just tried it2 his spiritual
 sufferings and joys attained under the 
divine imprint an acuteness1 which      
people most humanly happy or unhappy    
cannot even suspect4  ,this idea brought
 him back to the terrible distresses of 
the evening before4 ,he endeavoured to  
sum up what he had been able to observe 
of himself in this ,trappist monastery4 
,first1 the clear distinction between   
body and soul2 then the action of the   
demon1 insinuating and obstinate1 almost

 visible1 while the heavenly action     
remained1 on the contrary1 dull and     
veiled1 appeared only at certain        
moments1 and seemed at others to vanish 
for ever4  ,and all this1 when felt and 
understood1 had an appearance simple in 
itself1 but scarcely explaining itself4 
,the body appearing to throw itself     
forward to the rescue of the soul1 and  
no doubt borrowing from it its will1 to 
help it when it fainted1 was            
unintelligible4 ,how a body could itself
 react obscurely1 and yet show1 all at  
once1 so strong a decision that it      
pressed its companion into a vice1 and  
prevented its flight--  ,it is as       
mysterious as the rest1 thought ,durtal1
 and as in a dream he continued1  ,the  
secret action of ,jesus in ,his         
,sacrament is not less strange4 ,if ,i  
may judge by what has happened to me2 a 
first communion exasperates the action  
of the devil1 while a second represses  
it4  ,ah1 and how ,i put myself in line 
with all my calculations6 ,in taking    

shelter here ,i thought myself pretty   
sure of my soul1 and that my body would 
trouble me2 whereas just the contrary   
has been the case4  ,my stomach has     
grown vigorous and shown itself fit to  
support an effort of which ,i should    
never have thought it capable1 and my   
soul has been below everything1         
vacillating and dry1 so fragile1 so     
feeble6  ,but we will let all that      
alone4  ,he walked about1 lifted from   
earth by a confused joy4 ,he grew       
vaporized in a sort of intoxication1 in 
a vague etherization1 in which arose1   
without his even thinking of formulating
 words1 acts of thanksgiving2 it was an 
effort of thanks of his soul1 of his    
body1 of his whole being1 to that ,god  
whom he felt living in him1 and diffused
 in that kneeling landscape which also  
seemed to expand in mute hymns of       
gratitude4  ,the hour which struck by   
the clock in the portico reminded him it
 was breakfast time4 ,he went to the    
guest-house1 cut himself a slice of     

bread and butter with some cheese1 drank
 half a glass of wine1 and was about to 
go out again when he reflected that the 
horary of the offices was changed4      
,they must be different from those of   
the week1 he thought2 and he went up    
into his cell to consult his placards4  
,he found only one1 that of the rule of 
the monks themselves1 which contained   
the regulations for the ,sunday         
practices for the cloister2 and he read3
  ,,exercises ,,of ,,the ,,community    
,,for ,,all ,,ordinary ,,sundays4       
,,morning4             #a4     ,rise4   
,little ,office4 ,prayer till #a4cj4    
#b4     ,grand ,canonical ,office       
chanted4            #e4cj4  ,prime1     
,morning ,mass1 #f o'clock4             
#f4de4  ,chapter ,instructions4 ,great  
,silence4            #i4ae4  ,asperges1 
,tierce1 ,procession4           #aj4    
,high ,mass4           #aa4aj4  ,sext   
and special examination4                
#aa4cj4  ,angelus1 ,dinner4             
#ab4ae4  ,siesta1 ,great ,silence4      

,,evening4             #b4     ,end of  
,repose4 ,none4            #d4          
,vespers and ,benediction4              
#e4de4  ,quarter of an hour for ,prayer4
            #f4     ,supper4            
#g4     ,reading before ,compline4      
#g4ae4  ,compline4            #g4cj4    
,salve1 ,angelus4            #g4de4     
,examination of conscience and ,retreat4
            #h4     ,bed time1 ,great   
,silence4       ,note4--,after the      
,cross of ,september1 no siesta4 ,none  
is at #b      o'clock2 ,vespers at #c2  
,supper at #e2 ,compline at #f1 and bed 
time at      #g4  ,durtal copied this   
rule for his use on a scrap of paper4   
,in fact1 he said to himself1 ,i have to
 be in chapel at #i4ae for ,asperges1   
,high ,mass and the ,office of ,sext1   
afterwards at #b for ,none1 then at #d  
for ,vespers and ,benediction1 and      
lastly at #g4cj for ,compline4  ,here is
 a day which will be occupied1 without  
counting that ,i got up at half-past two
 this morning1 he concluded2 and when he

 reached the chapel1 about nine o'clock1
 he found the greater part of the lay   
brothers on their knees1 the others     
saying their rosary2 and when the clock 
struck all returned to their place4     
,assisted by two fathers in cowls1 the  
prior1 vested in a white alb1 entered1  
and while the antiphon ,asperges me1    
,domine1 hyssopo1 et mundabor was sung1 
all the monks in succession defiled     
before ,father ,maximin1 standing on the
 steps1 turning his back to the altar2  
and he sprinkled them with holy water1  
while they regained their stalls1 each  
making the sign of the cross4  ,then the
 prior descended from the altar1 and    
came to the entrance to the vestibule1  
where he dispersed the water crosswise1 
traced by the sprinkler over the oblate1
 and over ,durtal4  ,at last he vested1 
and went to celebrate the sacrifice4    
,then ,durtal was able to think over his
 ,sundays at the ,benedictine nuns4     
,the ,kyrie ,eleison was the same but   
slower and more sonorous1 more grave on 

the prolonged termination of the last   
word2 at ,paris the voices of the nuns  
drew it out and put a gloss on it at the
 same time1 turned into satin its final 
sound1 rendered it less dull1 less      
spaced1 less ample4 ,the ,gloria in     
,excelsis differed2 that of ,la ,trappe 
was more primitive1 more mounting1 more 
sombre1 interesting by its very         
barbarism1 but less touching1 for in its
 forms of adoration1 in the ,adoramus   
te1 for example1 the te did not detach  
itself1 did not drop like a tear of     
amorous essence1 like an avowal retained
 by humility on the tip of the lips2 but
 it was when the ,credo arose1 that     
,durtal could uplift himself at ease4   
,he had never yet heard it so           
authoritative1 and so imposing2 it      
advanced1 chanted in unison1 developing 
its slow procession of dogmas1 in sounds
 well furnished and rigid1 of a violet  
almost obscure1 a red almost black1     
growing lighter towards the end1 till it
 expired in a long and plaintive ,amen4 

,in following the ,cistercian office    
,durtal could recognize the morsels of  
plain chant still preserved in parish   
masses4 ,all the part of the ,canon1 the
 ,sursum ,corda1 the ,vere ,dignum1 the 
,antiphons1 the ,pater1 remained intact4
 ,only the ,sanctus and the ,agnus ,dei 
were changed4  ,massive1 built up1 as it
 were1 in the ,roman style1 they draped 
themselves in the colour1 glowing and   
dull1 which clothes1 in fact1 the       
offices of ,la ,trappe4  ,well1 said the
 oblate1 when1 after the ceremony1 they 
sat at the table of the refectory2 well1
 what do you think of our ,high ,mass8  
,it is superb1 answered ,durtal4 ,and he
 said dreamily1 ,would that one could   
have the whole complete6 to bring here1 
instead of this uninteresting chapel1   
the apse of ,st4 ,severin2 hang on the  
walls the pictures of ,fra ,angelico1   
,memling1 ,grnewald1 ,gerard ,david1    
,roger van den ,weyden1 ,bouts2 add to  
these1 admirable sculptures such as     
those of the great door of ,chartres1   

altar screens of sculptured wood1 such  
as those of the ,cathedral of ,amiens1  
what a dream6  ,yet1 he went on after a 
silence1 this dream has been a reality1 
it is evident4 ,this ideal church       
existed for ages1 everywhere in the     
,middle ,ages6 ,the chant1 the          
goldsmith's work1 the panels1 the       
sculptures1 the tissues were all        
attractive2 the liturgies possessed1 to 
give them value1 fabulous caskets1 but  
all that is far off4  ,but you certainly
 cannot say1 replied ,m4 ,bruno1 with a 
smile1 that the church ornaments are    
ugly here6  ,no2 they are exquisite4    
,first1 the chasubles have not the      
shapes of a miner's apron1 and they do  
not hoist themselves up on the shoulders
 of the priest1 that excrescence1 that  
puffing like the ear of a little donkey 
lying back1 which the vestment makers   
use at ,paris4  ,nor is it any more that
 cross in stripe or woven1 filling all  
the stuff1 falling like a sack-coat over
 the back of the celebrant2 the         

,trappist chasubles have kept the old   
form1 as the old image makers and the   
old painters preserved them in their    
religious scenes2 and that cross with   
four leaves1 like those which the       
,gothic style chiselled on the walls of 
its churches1 is related to the very    
expanded lotus a flower so full-blown   
that its falling petals droop4  ,without
 counting1 pursued ,durtal1 that the    
stuff which seems cut in a sort of      
flannel or thick soft felt must have    
been plunged in threefold dyes1 for it  
takes a depth1 and a magnificent        
clearness of tone4 ,the religious       
trimming-makers could trim these watered
 and plain silks with silver and gold1  
yet never attain to give a colour at    
once so vehement and so familiar to the 
eye as that crimson with sulphur-yellow 
flowers1 which ,father ,maximin wore the
 other day4  ,yes1 and the mourning     
chasuble with its lobed crosses1 and its
 discreet white fullings1 in which the  
,father abbot vested himself1 the day on

 which he communicated us1 is not it    
also a caress for the eyes8  ,durtal    
sighed3 ,ah6 if the statues in the      
chapel showed a like taste6  ,by the    
way1 said the oblate1 come and salute   
that ,notre ,dame de l',atre1 of which  
,i have spoken to you1 found among the  
remains of the old cloister4  ,they rose
 from table1 passed along a corridor1   
and struck into a lateral gallery1 at   
the end of which they stopped before a  
statue of life size1 in stone4  ,it was 
heavy and massive1 representing in a    
robe of long folds1 a peasant woman1    
crowned1 and round-cheeked1 holding on  
her arm a child who blessed a ball4     
,but in this portrait of a robust       
peasant woman1 sprung from ,burgundy or 
,flanders1 there was a candour1 a       
goodness almost tumultuous1 which sprang
 from her smiling face1 her innocent    
eyes1 her good and large lips1          
indulgent1 ready for all forgiveness4   
,she was a rustic ,virgin made for the  
humble lay brothers2 she was not a great

 lady who could hold them at a distance1
 but she was indeed the nursing mother  
of their souls1 their true mother4 ,how 
was it they had not understood her here8
 how instead of presiding in the chapel1
 did she grow chill at the end of a     
corridor8 cried ,durtal4  ,the oblate   
turned the conversation--,i warn you1 he
 said1 that ,benediction will not take  
place after ,vespers as your placard    
indicates1 but directly after ,compline2
 this latter office will therefore be   
advanced a quarter of an hour at least4 
,and the oblate went up to his cell1    
while ,durtal went towards the large    
pond4 ,there he lay down on a bed of dry
 reed1 looking at the water which broke 
in wavelets at his feet4 ,the coming and
 going of these limited waters1 folding 
back on themselves1 yet never           
overpassing the basin they had hollowed 
for themselves1 led him on into long    
reveries4  ,he said to himself that a   
river was the most exact symbol of the  
active life2 one follows it from its    

source through all its courses across   
the territories it fertilizes2 it has   
fulfilled its assigned task before it   
dies1 immersing itself in the gaping    
sepulchre of the seas2 but the pond1    
that tamed water1 imprisoned in a hedge 
of reeds which it has itself caused to  
grow in fertilizing the soil of its     
bank1 has concentrated itself1 lived on 
itself1 not seemed to achieve any known 
work1 save to keep silence and reflect  
on the infinite of heaven4  ,still water
 troubles me1 continued ,durtal4 ,it    
seems to me that unable to extend       
itself1 it grows deeper1 and that while 
running waters borrow only the shadows  
of things they reflect1 it swallows them
 without giving them back4 ,most        
certainly in this pond is a continued   
and profound absorption of forgotten    
clouds1 of lost trees1 even of          
sensations seized on the faces of monks 
who hung over it4 ,this water is full1  
and not empty1 like those which are     
distracted in wandering about the       

country and in bathing the towns4 ,it is
 a contemplative water1 in perfect      
accord with the recollected life of the 
cloisters4  ,the fact is1 he concluded1 
that a river would have here no meaning2
 it would only be passing1 would remain 
indifferent and in a hurry1 would be in 
all cases unfit to pacify the soul which
 the monastic water of the ponds        
appeases4 ,ah6 in founding ,notre ,dame 
de l',atre1 ,saint ,bernard knew how to 
fit the ,cistercian rule and the site4  
,but we must leave these fancies1 he    
said1 rising2 and1 remembering that it  
was ,sunday1 he transferred himself to  
,paris1 and revisited in thought his    
halts on this day in the churches4  ,in 
the morning ,st4 ,severin enchanted him1
 but he ought not to thrust himself into
 that sanctuary for the other ,offices4 
,vespers there were botched and mean2   
and if it were a feast day the organ    
master showed himself possessed by the  
love of ignoble music4  ,occasionally   
,durtal had taken refuge at ,st4        

,gervais1 where at least they played at 
certain times motets of the old masters2
 but that church was1 as well as ,st4   
,eustache1 a paying concert1 where      
,faith had nothing to do4 ,no           
recollection was possible in the midst  
of ladies who fainted behind1 their     
faces in their hands1 and grew agitated 
in creaking chairs4 ,these were         
frivolous assemblies for pious music1 a 
compromise between the theatre and ,god4
  ,st4 ,sulpice was better1 where at    
least the public was silent4 ,there1    
moreover1 ,vespers were celebrated with 
more solemnity and less haste4  ,in     
general the seminary reinforced the     
choir1 and rendered by this imposing    
choir they rolled on majestically       
sustained by the grand organ4  ,chanted1
 only in half1 and not in unison1       
reduced to a state of couplets1 given1  
some by a baritone1 others by the choir1
 they were twisted and frizzled by a    
curling iron1 but as they were not less 
adulterated at the other churches1 there

 was every advantage in listening to    
them at ,st4 ,sulpice1 whose powerful   
choir1 very well led1 had not1 as for   
example at ,notre ,dame1 those dusty    
voices which break at the least whisper4
  ,this only became really odious when1 
with a formidable explosion1 the first  
strophe of the ,magnificat struck the   
arches4  ,the organ then swallowed up   
one stanza out of two1 and under the    
seditious pretext that the length of the
 ,office of incensing was too long to be
 filled up entirely by singing1 ,m4     
,widor1 seated at his desk1 rolled forth
 stale fragments of music splashed about
 above1 imitating the human voice and   
the flute1 the bagpipe and the bassoon1 
or indeed1 tired of affectations1 he    
blew furiously on the keys1 ending by   
imitating the roll of locomotives over  
iron bridges1 letting all the stops go4 
,and the choirmaster1 not wishing to    
show himself inferior to the organist in
 his instinctive hatred of plain chant1 
was delighted1 when the ,benediction    

began1 to put aside ,gregorian melodies 
and make his choristers gurgle          
rigadoons4  ,it was no longer a         
sanctuary1 but a howling place4 ,the    
,ave ,maria1 the ,ave ,verum1 all the   
mystical indecencies of the late        
,gounod1 the rhapsodies of old ,thomas1 
the capers of indigent musicasters1     
defiled in a chain wound by choir       
leaders from ,lamoureux1 chanted        
unfortunately by children1 the chastity 
of whose voices no one feared to pollute
 in these middle-class passages of      
music1 these by-ways of art4  ,ah1      
thought ,durtal1 if only this           
choirmaster1 who is evidently an        
excellent musician2 for indeed1 when he 
must1 he knows how to get executed      
better than anywhere else in ,paris1 the
 ',de ,profundis' with organ            
accompaniment1 and the ',dies ,ir'2 if  
only this man would as at ,st4 ,gervais 
give us some ,palestrina and ,vittoria1 
some ,aichinger and ,allegri1 some      
,orlando ,lasso and ,de ,prs2 but no1 he

 must detest these masters also1        
consider them as archaic rubbish1 good  
to send into the dust-heaps4  ,and      
,durtal continued1  ,what we hear now at
 ,paris1 in the churches1 is wholly     
incredible6 ,under pretence of managing 
an income for the singers1 they suppress
 half the stanzas of canticles and      
hymns1 and substitute1 to vary the      
pleasure1 the tiresome divagations of an
 organ4  ,there they howl the ',tantum  
,ergo' to the ,austrian ,national air2  
or what is still worse1 muffle it up    
with operatic choruses1 or refrains from
 canteens4 ,the very text is divided    
into couplets which are ornamented like 
a drinking song with a little burthen4  
,the other ,church sequences are treated
 in the same manner4  ,and yet the      
,papacy has formally forbidden1 in many 
bulls1 that the sanctuary should be     
soiled by those liberties4 ,to cite one 
only1 ,john ,,xxii41 in his ,extravagant
 ',doctor ,sanctorum1' expressly forbade
 profane voices and music in churches4  

,he prohibited choirs at the same time  
to change plain chant into fiorituri4   
,the decrees of the ,council of ,trent  
are not less clear from this point of   
view1 and more recently still a         
regulation of the ,sacred ,congregation 
of ,rites has intervened to proscribe   
musical rioting in holy places4  ,then  
what are the parish-priests doing who1  
in fact1 have musical police charge in  
their churches8 ,nothing1 they laugh at 
it4  ,nor is this a mere phrase1 but    
with those priests who1 hoping for      
receipts1 permit on fte days the        
shameless voices of actresses to dance  
gambols to the heavy sounds of the      
organ1 the poor ,church has become far  
from clean4  ,at ,st4 ,sulpice1 ,durtal 
went on1 the priest tolerates the       
villainy of jolly songs which are served
 up to him2 but at least he does not1   
like the one at ,st4 ,severin1 allow    
strolling women players to lighten up   
the ,office by the shouts of such voices
 as remain to them4 ,nor has he accepted

 the solo on the ,english horn which ,i 
heard at ,st4 ,thomas one evening during
 the ,perpetual ,adoration4 ,in short1  
if the grand ,benedictions at ,st4      
,sulpice are a shame1 the ,complines    
remain in spite of their theatrical     
attitude really charming4  ,and ,durtal 
thought of those ,complines of which the
 paternity is often attributed to ,saint
 ,benedict2 they were in fact the       
integral prayer of the evenings1 the    
preventive adjuration1 the safeguard    
against the attempts of the ,demon1 they
 were in some measure the advanced      
sentinels of the out-posts placed round 
the soul to protect it during the night4
  ,and the regulation of this entrenched
 camp of prayer was perfect4 ,after the 
benediction the best trained voice1 the 
most threadlike of the choir1 the voice 
of the smallest of the children1 sang   
forth the short lesson taken from the   
first ,epistle of ,saint ,peter1 warning
 the faithful that they must be sober   
and watch1 not allow themselves to be   

surprised unexpectedly4 ,a priest then  
recited the usual evening prayers2 the  
choir organ gave the intonation1 and the
 psalms fell1 chanted one by one1 the   
twilight psalms1 in which before the    
approaches of night peopled with        
goblins1 and furrowed by ghosts1 man    
calls ,god to aid1 and prays ,him to    
guard his sleep from the violence of the
 ways of hell1 the rape of the lamias   
that pass4  ,and the hymn of ,saint     
,ambrose1 the ,te lucis ante terminum1  
made still more precise the scattered   
meaning of these psalms1 gathering it up
 in its short stanzas4 ,unfortunately1  
the most important1 that which foresees 
and declares the luxurious dangers of   
darkness1 was swallowed up by the full  
organ4 ,this hymn was not rendered in   
plain chant at ,st4 ,sulpice as at ,la  
,trappe1 but was sung to a pompous and  
elaborate air1 an air full of glory1    
with a certain proud attractiveness1    
originating no doubt in the eighteenth  
century4  ,then there was a pause--and  

man1 feeling himself more sheltered1    
behind a rampart of prayers1 recollected
 himself1 more assured1 and borrowed    
innocent voices to address new          
supplications to ,god4 ,after the       
chapter read by the officiant1 the      
children of the choir chanted the short 
response ,in manus tuus ,domine1        
commendo spiritum meum1 which rolled    
out1 dividing in two parts1 then doubled
 itself1 and resolved at the last its   
two separate portions by a verse1 and   
part of an antiphon4  ,and after that   
prayer there was still the canticle of  
,simeon1 who1 as soon as he had seen the
 ,messiah1 desired to die4 ,this ,nunc  
dimittis1 which the ,church has         
incorporated in ,compline to stimulate  
us at eventide to self-examination--for 
none can tell whether he shall wake on  
the morrow--was raised by the whole     
choir1 which alternated with the        
responses of the organ4  ,in fact1 to   
end this ,office of a besieged town1 to 
take its last dispositions and try to   

repose in shelter from a violent attack1
 the ,church built up again a few       
prayers1 and placed her parishes under  
the tutelage of the ,virgin1 to whom it 
chanted one of the four antiphons which 
follow1 according to the ,proper4  ,at  
,la ,trappe ,compline was evidently less
 solemn1 less interesting than at ,st4  
,sulpice1 concluded ,durtal1 for the    
monastic breviary is1 for a wonder1 less
 complete for that ,office than the     
,roman breviary4 ,as for ,sunday        
,vespers1 ,i am curious to hear them4   
,and he heard them2 but they hardly     
differed from the ,vespers adopted by   
the ,benedictine nuns of the ,rue       
,monsieur2 they were more massive1 more 
grave1 more ,roman1 if it may be said1  
for necessarily the voice of women drew 
them out into sharp points1 made them   
like acute arches1 as it were1 in       
,gothic style1 but the ,gregorian tunes 
were the same4  ,on the other hand they 
resembled in nothing those at ,st4      
,sulpice1 where the modern sauces spoilt

 the very essences of the plain chants4 
,only the ,magnificat of ,la ,trappe1   
abrupt1 and with dry tone1 was not so   
good as the majestic1 the admirable     
,royal ,magnificat chanted at ,paris4   
,these monks are astonishing with their 
superb voices1 said ,durtal to himself1 
and he smiled as they finished the      
antiphon of ,our ,lady1 for he          
remembered that in the primitive ,church
 the chanter was called ,fabarius       
cantor1 eater of beans1 because he was  
obliged to eat that vegetable to        
strengthen his voice4 ,now1 at ,la      
,trappe1 dishes of beans were common2   
perhaps that was the secret of the ever 
young monastic voices4  ,he thought over
 the liturgy and plain chant while      
smoking cigarettes1 in the walks1 after 
,vespers4  ,he brought to mind the      
symbolism of those canonical hours which
 recalled every day to the ,christian   
the shortness of life in summing up for 
him its image from infancy to death4    
,recited soon after dawn1 ,prime was the

 figure of childhood2 ,tierce of youth2 
,sext the full vigour of age2 ,none the 
approaches of old age1 while ,vespers   
were an allegory of decrepitude4 ,they  
belonged1 moreover1 to the ,nocturns1   
and were sung about six o'clock in the  
evening1 at that hour when1 at the time 
of the ,equinoxes1 the sun sets in the  
red cinder of the clouds4 ,as for       
,compline1 it resounds when night1 the  
symbol of death1 has come4  ,this       
canonical ,office was a marvellous      
rosary of psalms2 every bead of each of 
these hours bore reference to the       
different phases of human existence1    
followed1 little by little1 the periods 
of the day1 the decline of destiny1 to  
end in the most perfect of offices1 in  
,compline1 that provisional absolution  
of a death1 itself represented by sleep4
  ,and if1 from these texts so wisely   
selected1 these ,sequences so solemnly  
sealed1 ,durtal passed to the sacerdotal
 robe of their sounds1 to those neumatic
 chants1 that divine psalmody all       

uniform1 all simple1 which is plain     
chant1 he had to admit1 that except in  
,benedictine cloisters1 an organ        
accompaniment was everywhere added1 that
 plain chant had been put forcibly in   
modern tonality1 and it disappeared     
under vegetations which stifled it1     
became everywhere discoloured1 amorphous
 and incomprehensible4  ,one only of its
 executioners1 ,niedermayer1 showed     
himself at least pitiful4 ,he tried a   
system more ingenious and more honest4  
,he reversed the terms of torture4      
,instead of wishing to make plain chant 
supple and to thrust it into the mould  
of modern harmony1 he constrained that  
harmony to bend itself to the austere   
tonality of plain chant4 ,he thus       
preserved its character1 but how far    
more natural would it have been to leave
 it solitary and not obliged it to tow  
an useless companion and awkward        
following8  ,here at least at ,la       
,trappe it lived and spread in all      
security1 without treason on the part of

 the monks4 ,there was always sameness  
of sound1 it was always chanted without 
accompaniment in unison4  ,he was able  
to satisfy himself about this truth once
 more after supper1 that evening1 when  
at the end of ,compline the father      
sacristan lighted all the candles on the
 altar4  ,at that moment1 in the silence
 of the ,trappists on their knees1 their
 head in their hands1 or their cheek    
resting on the sleeve of their great    
cowl1 three lay brothers entered1 two   
carrying torches1 and another preceding 
them with a censer1 and behind them a   
few paces1 came the prior with his hands
 joined4  ,durtal looked at the changed 
costume of the three brothers4 ,they had
 no longer their robes of serge1 made of
 bits and scraps1 stained mud colour1   
but robes of violet-brown1 like plums on
 which was spread the white twilling of 
a new surplice4  ,while ,father         
,maximin1 vested in a copy of milky     
white1 woven with a cross in orange     
yellow1 placed the ,host in the         

monstrance1 the thurifer put down the   
censer1 on the coals of which melted    
tears of real incense4 ,contrary to what
 takes place in ,paris1 where the       
censer1 swung before the altar1 sounds  
against its chains1 and is like the     
clear tinkling of a horse which1 as he  
lifts his head1 shakes his curb and bit1
 the censer at ,la ,trappe remained     
immovable before the altar1 and smoked  
by itself behind the officiants4  ,and  
everyone chanted the imploring and      
melancholy antiphon ,parce ,domine1 then
 the ,tantum ,ergo1 that magnificent    
song1 which could be almost acted1 so   
clear in their changes are the          
sentiments which succeed each other in  
their rhymed sequence4  ,in the first   
stanza it seems indeed to shake the head
 gently1 to put forward the chin1 so to 
speak1 so as to affirm the insufficiency
 of the senses to explain the dogma of  
the real presence1 the finished avatar  
of the ,bread4 ,it is then admiring and 
reflective2 then that melody so         

attentive1 so respectful1 does not wait 
to affirm the weakness of the reason1   
and the power of faith1 but in the      
second stanza it goes forward1 adores   
the glory of the three ,persons1 exults 
with joy1 only recovers itself at the   
end1 where the music adds a new sense to
 the text of ,saint ,thomas1 in avowing 
in a long and mournful ,amen the        
unworthiness of those present to receive
 the ,benediction of the ,flesh placed  
upon that cross which the monstrance is 
about to trace in the air4  ,and slowly1
 while unrolling its coil of smoke1 the 
censer spread1 as it were1 a blue gauze 
before the altar1 while the ,blessed    
,sacrament was lifted like a golden     
moon1 amid the stars of the tapers1     
sparkling in the growing darkness of    
that fog1 the bells of the abbey sounded
 with musical and sweet strokes4 ,and   
all the monks bowed low with their eyes 
closed1 then recovered themselves and   
entoned the ,laudate to the old melody  
which is also sung at ,notre ,dame des  

,victoires at the ,benediction in the   
evening4  ,then one by one1 having      
genuflected before the altar1 they went 
out1 while ,durtal and the oblate       
returned to the guest-house1 where      
,father ,etienne was waiting for them4  
,he said to ,durtal3 ,i would not go to 
bed without knowing how you have borne  
the day2 and as ,durtal thanked him1    
assuring him that this ,sunday had been 
very peaceful1 ,father ,etienne smiled  
and revealed in a word1 that under their
 reserved attitude all at ,la ,trappe   
were more interested in their guest than
 he had himself believed4  ,the reverend
 ,father abbot and the ,father prior    
will be glad when ,i give them this     
answer1 said the monk1 who wished       
,durtal good-night1 pressing his hand4  
,,chapter ,,vii4   ,at seven o'clock1   
just as he was preparing to eat his     
bread1 ,durtal encountered ,father      
,etienne4  ,father1 he said1 to-morrow  
is ,tuesday2 the time of my retreat has 
expired1 and ,i am going2 how should ,i 

order a carriage for ,saint ,landry8    
,the monk smiled4 ,when the postman     
brings the letters ,i can charge him    
with the commission1 but let us see2 are
 you in a great hurry to leave us8  ,no1
 but ,i would not trespass4444  ,listen1
 since you are so well broken in to the 
life at ,la ,trappe1 stay here two days 
more4 ,the ,father procurator must go to
 settle a dispute at ,saint ,landry4 ,he
 will take you to the station in our    
carriage4 ,so you will avoid some       
expense1 and the journey hence to the   
railroad will seem to you less long1    
since there will be two of you4  ,durtal
 accepted1 and as it rained1 he went up 
to his room4 ,it is strange1 he said1 as
 he sat down1 how impossible one finds  
it in a cloister to read a book2 one    
wants nothing1 one thinks of ,god by    
,himself1 and not by the volumes which  
speak about ,him4  ,mechanically he had 
taken up from a heap of books one in    
octavo1 which he had found on his table 
the day he took possession of his cell2 

it bore the title ,manresa1 or the      
,spiritual ,exercises of ,ignatius of   
,loyola4  ,he had already run through   
the work at ,paris1 and the pages which 
he turned over afresh did not change the
 harsh1 almost hostile1 opinion which he
 had retained of this book4  ,the fact  
is that these exercises leave no        
initiative to the soul2 they consider it
 as a soft paste good to run into a     
mould2 they show it no horizon1 no sky4 
,instead of trying to stretch it1 and   
make it greater1 they make it smaller   
deliberately2 they put it back into the 
cases of their wafer box1 nourish it    
only on faded trifles1 on dry nothings4 
,this ,japanese culture of deformed toes
 which remain dwarf2 this ,chinese      
deformation of children planted in pots1
 horrified ,durtal1 who closed the      
volume4  ,he opened another1 the        
,introduction to the ,devout ,life1 by  
,saint ,francis de ,sales4  ,certainly  
he found no need to read it again1 in   
spite of its affectations1 and its good 

nature1 at first charming1 but which    
ends by making you sick1 by making the  
soul sticky with sweets with liqueurs in
 them1 and lollypops2 in a word1 that   
work so much praised by ,catholics was a
 julep scented with bergamot and        
ambergris4 ,it was like a fine          
handkerchief shaken in a church in which
 a musty smell of incense remained4     
,but the man himself1 the ,bishop ,saint
 ,francis de ,sales1 was suggestive2    
with his name was called up the whole   
mystical history of the seventeenth     
century4  ,and ,durtal recalled the     
memories he had kept of the religious   
life of that time4 ,there were then in  
the ,church two currents3  ,that of the 
high ,mysticism1 as it was called1      
originating from ,saint ,teresa and     
,saint ,john of the ,cross2 and this    
current was concentrated on ,marie      
,guyon4  ,and another that of so-called 
temperate ,mysticism1 of which the      
adepts were ,saint ,francis de ,sales   
and his friend the celebrated ,baroness 

de ,chantal4  ,it was naturally this    
second current which triumphed4 ,jesus1 
putting ,himself within the reach of    
drawing-rooms1 descending to the level  
of women of the world1 a moderate and   
proper ,jesus1 only dealing with the    
soul of ,his creature just enough to    
give it one attraction the more1 this   
elegant ,jesus became all the fashion2  
but ,madame ,guyon1 whose source was    
above all ,saint ,teresa1 who taught the
 mystical theory of love1 and familiar  
intercourse with heaven1 raised the     
opposition of the whole clergy who      
abominated ,mysticism without           
understanding it2 she exasperated the   
terrible ,bossuet1 who accused her of   
the fashionable heresy1 ,molinism and   
,quietism4 ,she refuted1 unhappy as she 
was1 this trouble without much          
difficulty1 but he persecuted her for it
 none the less2 he was furious against  
her1 and had her imprisoned at          
,vincennes2 revealed himself obstinate1 
surly1 and atrocious4  ,fenelon1 who    

tried to conciliate these two tendencies
 in preparing a small ,mysticism neither
 too hot nor too cold1 a little less    
lukewarm than that of ,saint ,francis de
 ,sales1 and above all things much less 
ardent than that of ,saint ,teresa1     
ended in his turn by displeasing the    
cormorant of ,meaux1 and though he      
abandoned and denied ,madame de ,guyon1 
whose friend he had been for long years1
 he was persecuted and tracked down by  
,bossuet1 condemned at ,rome1 and sent  
in exile to ,cambrai4  ,and here ,durtal
 could not but smile1 for he remembered 
the desolate complaints of his partisans
 weeping for this disgrace1 representing
 thus as a martyr this archbishop whose 
punishment consisted in quitting his    
post as courtier at ,versailles to go at
 last and administer his diocese1 in    
which he appeared till then to have     
never resided4  ,this mitred ,job1 who  
remained in his misfortune ,archbishop  
and ,duke of ,cambrai1 ,prince of the   
,holy ,roman ,empire1 and rich1 so      

unhappy because he was obliged to visit 
his flock1 well shows the state of the  
episcopate under the redundant reign of 
the great king4 ,it was a priesthood of 
financiers and valets4  ,only there was 
at any rate a certain attraction1 there 
was talent in every case2 while now     
bishops are not for the most part less  
intriguing nor less servile1 but they   
have no longer either talent or manners4
 ,caught in part1 in the fishpond of bad
 priests1 they show themselves ready for
 everything1 and turn out to be souls of
 old usurers1 low jobbers1 beggars1 when
 you press them4  ,it is sad to say it1 
but so it is1 concluded ,durtal4 ,as for
 ,madame ,guyon1 he went on1 she was    
neither an original writer nor a saint2 
she was only an unwelcome substitute for
 the true mystics2 she was presuming and
 certainly lacked that humility which   
magnified ,saint ,teresa and ,saint     
,clare2 but after all she burst into a  
flame1 she was overcome by ,jesus2 above
 all1 she was not a pious courtier1 a   

bigot softened by a court like the      
,maintenon4  ,after all1 what a time for
 religion it was8 ,all its saints have  
something formal and restricted1 wordy  
and cold1 which turns me away from them4
 ,saint ,francis de ,sales1 ,saint      
,vincent de ,paul1 ,saint ,chantal 444  
,no1 ,i prefer ,saint ,francis of       
,assisi1 ,saint ,bernard1 ,saint ,angela
 444 ,the ,mysticism of the seventeenth 
century is all the fashion with its     
emphatic and mean churches1 its pompous 
and icy painting1 its solemn poetry1 its
 gloomy prose4  ,but look1 he said1 my  
cell is still neither swept nor set in  
order1 and ,i am afraid that in         
lingering here ,i may give some trouble 
to ,father ,etienne4 ,it rains1 however1
 too hard to allow of my walking in the 
wood2 the simplest thing is to go and   
read the ,little ,office of ,our ,lady  
in the chapel4  ,he went down there2 it 
was at this hour almost empty2 the monks
 were at work in the fields or in the   
factory2 two fathers only1 on their     

knees before the altar of ,our ,lady1   
were praying so absorbedly that they did
 not even hear the opening of the door4 
,and ,durtal1 who had placed himself    
near them opposite the porch which gave 
upon the high altar1 saw them reflected 
in the sheet of glass1 placed before the
 shrine of the ,blessed ,guerric4 ,this 
sheet had indeed the effect of a mirror1
 and the white fathers were in the      
depths of it1 lived in prayers under the
 table1 in the very heart of the altar4 
,and he also appeared there in a corner1
 reflected1 at the back of the shrine1  
near the sacred remains of the monk4    
,at one moment he lifted his head1 and  
saw that the round window in the apse1  
behind the altar1 reproduced on its     
glass ornamented with grey and blue1 the
 marks engraved on the reverse of the   
medal of ,saint ,benedict1 the first    
letters of its imperative formulas1 the 
initials of its distiches4  ,it might   
have been called an immense clear medal1
 sifting a pale light1 straining it     

through prayers1 not allowing them to   
penetrate to the altar till sanctified  
and blessed by the ,patriarch4  ,and    
while he was dreaming1 the clock struck2
 the two ,trappists regained their      
stalls1 while the others entered4       
,waiting thus in the chapel1 the hour of
 ,sext had struck4 ,the abbot advanced4 
,durtal saw him again for the first time
 since their conversation2 he seemed    
less ill1 less pale2 he marched         
majestically in his great white cowl1 at
 the hood of which hung a violet acorn1 
and the fathers bowed1 kissing their    
sleeve before him2 he reached his place1
 which was designated by a wooden cross 
standing before a stall1 and all        
enfolded themselves with a great sign of
 the cross1 bowed to the altar1 and the 
feeble imploring voice of the old       
,trappist rose3 ,deus in adjutorium meum
 intende4  ,and the ,office continued1  
in the monotonous and charming pitch of 
the doxology1 interrupted by profound   
reverences1 large movements of the arm  

lifting the sleeve of the cowl as it    
fell to the ground1 to allow the hand   
freedom to turn the pages4  ,when ,sext 
was over ,durtal went to rejoin the     
oblate4  ,they found on the table of the
 refectory a little omelette1 leeks     
cooked in a sauce of flour and oil1     
haricots and cheese4  ,it is            
astonishing1 said ,durtal1 how in regard
 to mystics1 the world errs on          
preconceived ideas1 on the old string4  
,phrenologists declare that mystics have
 pointed skulls2 now here that their    
form is more visible than elsewhere1    
because they are all hairless and       
shaven1 there are no more heads like    
eggs than anywhere else4 ,i looked this 
morning at the shape of their heads1 no 
two are alike4 ,some are oval and       
depressed1 others like a pear and       
straight1 some have lumps on them1 and  
some have none2 and it is just the same 
with faces2 when they are not           
transfigured by prayer they are         
ordinary4 ,if they did not wear the     

habit of their order1 no one could      
recognize in these ,trappists           
predestined beings living out of modern 
society1 in the full ,middle ,ages1 in  
absolute dependence on a ,god4 ,if they 
have souls which are not like those of  
other people1 they have1 after all1     
faces and bodies like those of the first
 comer4  ,all is within1 said the       
oblate4 ,why should elect souls be      
enclosed in fleshly prisons different to
 others8  ,this conversation1 which     
continued on different points of        
,trappist life1 ended by turning on     
death in a monastery1 and ,m4 ,bruno    
revealed some details4  ,when death is  
near1 he said1 the ,father abbot traces 
on the ground a cross in blessed ashes  
covered with straw1 and the dying man is
 placed on it wrapped in serge cloth4   
,the brothers recite near him the       
prayers of the dying1 and at the moment 
of his death the response ',subvenite   
,sancti ,dei' is chanted in choir4 ,the 
,father abbot incenses the body1 which  

is washed while the monks sing the      
,office of the ,dead in another room4   
,then his regular habit is put on the   
dead monk1 and he is borne in procession
 to the church1 where he lies on a      
stretcher with his face uncovered1 until
 the hour destined for the funeral4     
,then on the way to the cemetery the    
community intones no longer the chant of
 the dead1 the psalms of grief1 and the 
sequences of regret1 but rather ',in    
exitu ,israel de gypto1' which is the   
psalm of deliverance1 the free song of  
joy4  ,and the ,trappist is buried      
without a coffin1 in his robe of stuff1 
his head covered with his hood4         
,lastly1 during thirty days1 his place  
remains empty in the refectory1 his     
portion is served as usual1 but the     
brother porter distributes it to the    
poor4  ,ah6 the happiness to die thus1  
said the oblate1 as he ended1 for if one
 dies after having honestly fulfilled   
one's task in the order1 one is assured 
of eternal happiness1 according to the  

promises made by our ,lord to ,saint    
,benedict and to ,saint ,bernard6  ,the 
rain is over1 said ,durtal2 ,i should   
like to visit to-day that little chapel 
at the end of the park of which you     
spoke to me the other day4 ,which is the
 shortest way to reach it8  ,m4 ,bruno  
told him the way1 and ,durtal went off1 
rolling a cigarette1 to gain the great  
pond1 thence he struck a path to the    
left and mounted a lane of trees4  ,he  
slipped on the wet ground1 and got on   
with difficulty4 ,at last1 however1 he  
gained a clump of chestnuts1 which he   
skirted4 ,behind these rose a dwarf     
tower topped by a very small dome1      
pierced by a door4 ,to the left and     
right of this door1 on sockets where    
ornaments of the ,romanesque epoch still
 were seen under the velvety crust of   
moss1 two stone angels were still       
standing4  ,they belonged1 evidently1 to
 the ,burgundian school1 with their big 
round heads1 their hair puffed and      
divided into waves1 their fat faces with

 turned-up noses1 their solid draperies 
with hard folds4 ,they also came from   
the ruins of the old cloister1 but the  
interior of the chapel was unfortunately
 thoroughly modern2 it was so small that
 the feet of him who knelt at the altar 
almost touched the wall at the entrance4
  ,in a niche veiled by white gauze a   
,virgin smiled with extended hands4 ,she
 had blue plaster eyes and apple-shaped 
cheeks4 ,she was wearisome in her       
insignificance1 but her sanctuary       
retained the warmth of places always    
shut up4 ,the walls1 hung with red      
calico1 were dusted1 the floor was      
swept1 and the holy water basins full2  
superb tea roses flourished in pots     
between the candelabra4 ,durtal then    
understood why he had so often seen ,m4 
,bruno walking in this direction with   
flowers in his hand2 he was going to    
pray in this place1 which he loved no   
doubt because it was isolated in the    
profound solitude of this ,trappist     
monastery4  ,excellent man6 cried       

,durtal1 thinking over the affectionate 
services1 the fraternal care the oblate 
had had for him2 and he added1 ,he is a 
happy man too1 for he is self-contained1
 and lives so placidly here4  ,and1     
indeed1 he went on1 where is the good of
 striving1 if not against oneself8 to   
agitate oneself for money1 for glory1 to
 conduct oneself so as to keep others   
down1 and gain adulation from them1 how 
vain a task6  ,only the ,church1 in     
decking the temporary altars of the     
liturgical year1 in forcing the seasons 
to follow step by step the life of      
,christ1 has known how to trace for us a
 plan of necessary occupations1 of      
useful ends4 ,she has given us the means
 of walking always side by side with    
,jesus1 to live day by day with the     
,gospels2 for ,christians she has made  
time the messenger of sorrows and the   
herald of joys2 she has entrusted to the
 year the part of servant of the ,new   
,testament1 the zealous emissary of     
worship4  ,and ,durtal reflected on the 

cycle of the liturgy which begins on the
 first day of the religious year1 with  
,advent1 then turns with an insensible  
movement on itself till it returns again
 to its starting-point1 to the time when
 the ,church prepares by penitence and  
prayer to celebrate ,christmas4  ,and   
turning over his prayer-book1 seeing the
 extraordinary circle of offices1 he    
thought of that prodigious jewel1 that  
crown of ,king ,recceswinthe preserved  
in the ,museum of ,cluny4  ,the         
liturgical year was1 like it1 studded   
with crystals and jewels by its         
admirable canticles and its fervent     
hymns set in the very gold of           
,benedictions and ,vespers4  ,it seemed 
that the ,church had substituted for    
that crown of thorns with which the     
,jews had surrounded the temples of the 
,saviour1 the truly royal crown of the  
,proper of the ,seasons1 the only one   
which was chiselled in a metal precious 
enough1 with art pure enough to dare to 
place itself on the brow of a ,god4     

,and the grand ,lapidary had begun his  
work by incrusting1 in this diadem of   
offices1 the hymn of ,saint ,ambrose1   
and the invocation taken from the ,old  
,testament1 the ,rorate ,coeli1 that    
melodious chant of expectation and      
regret1 that obscure gem                
violet-coloured2 the lustre declares    
itself then1 when after each of its     
stanzas rises the solemn prayer of the  
patriarchs1 calling for the longed-for  
presence of ,christ4  ,and the four     
,sundays of ,advent disappeared with the
 turned pages of the prayer-book2 the   
night of the ,nativity was come4 ,after 
the ,jesu ,redemptor of ,vespers1 the   
old ,portuguese chant1 the ,adeste      
,fideles1 arose at ,benediction from    
every lip4 ,it was a sequence of a truly
 charming simplicity1 an old carving    
wherein defiled the shepherds and the   
kings to a popular air appropriate to   
great marches1 apt to charm1 to aid by  
the somewhat military rhythm of its     
steps1 the long lines of the faithful   

quitting their cottages to go to the    
distant churches in the towns4  ,and    
imperceptibly1 like the year in an      
invisible rotation1 the circle turned1  
and stopped at the ,feast of the ,holy  
,innocents1 where there flourished out1 
like a flower from a slaughter-house1 on
 a shoot culled from a soil irrigated by
 the blood of lambs1 this sequence1 red1
 and smelling of roses1 the ,salvate    
,flores ,martyrum of ,prudentius2 the   
crown moved again1 and the hymn of the  
,epiphany1 the ,crudelis ,herodes of    
,sedudius1 appeared in its turn4  ,now  
the ,sundays grew heavy1 the violet     
,sundays when the ,gloria in ,excelsis  
is no more heard1 when the ,audi        
,benigne of ,saint ,ambrose is chanted1 
and the ,miserere1 that cinder-coloured 
psalm1 which is perhaps the most perfect
 masterpiece which the ,church has ever 
drawn from her store-houses of plain    
chants4  ,it was ,lent1 when the        
amethysts fade in the moist grey of     
onyxes1 in the embrowned white of       

quartz1 and the magnificent invocation1 
,attende ,domine1 rose beneath the      
arches4 ,sprung like the ,rorate ,coeli 
from the sequences of the ,old          
,testament1 this humble and contrite    
chant1 enumerating the deserved         
punishments of sins1 became1 if not more
 sorrowful1 at all events more grave and
 more pressing when it confirmed1 when  
it resumed in the initial stanza of its 
burthen1 the avowal of shame already    
confessed4  ,and suddenly on this crown 
there burst out after the expiring fires
 of ,lent1 the flaming ruby of the      
,passion4 ,on the upturned yellow of the
 sky a red cross was raised1 while      
majestic shouts and despairing cries    
proclaimed the blood-stained fruit of   
the tree2 and the ,vexilla ,regis was   
again repeated the following ,sunday at 
the ,feast of ,palms1 which joined to   
that ,sequence of ,fortunatus the green 
hymn which it accompanied with a silky  
noise of palms1 the ,gloria laus et     
honor of ,theodulph4  ,then the fires of

 precious stones grew grey and died4 ,to
 the glowing coals of gems succeeded the
 dead cinders of obsidians1 black stones
 scarcely swelling1 without a gleam     
above the tarnished gold of their       
mountings2 one entered no ,holy ,week1  
everywhere the ,pange ,lingua and the   
,stabat ,mater wailed under the arches1 
and then came the ,tenebr1 the          
lamentations1 and the psalms1 whose     
knell shook the flame of the brown waxen
 tapers1 and after each halt1 at the end
 of each of the psalms1 one of the      
tapers expired1 and its column of blue  
smoke evaporated still under the lighted
 circumference of the arches1 while the 
choir recommenced the interrupted series
 of complaints4  ,and the crown turned  
once more2 the beads of this musical    
rosary still ran on1 and all changed4   
,jesus had risen1 and songs of joy      
issued from the organs4 ,the ,victim    
,paschali ,laudes exulted before the    
gospel of the masses1 and at the        
,benediction the ,o ,filii et ,fili1    

created indeed to be intoned by the wild
 jubilations of crowds1 ran and sported 
in the joyous hurricane of the organs1  
which uprooted the pillars and unroofed 
the naves4  ,and the feasts rung in with
 bells followed at longer intervals4 ,at
 ,ascension the heavy and clear crystals
 of ,saint ,ambrose filled with their   
luminous water the tiny basin of the    
catkins2 the fire of rubies and garnets 
lighted up again with the crimson hymn  
and scarlet sequence of ,pentecost the  
,veni ,creator and ,veni ,spiritus4 ,the
 ,feast of the ,trinity passed1         
signalized by the stanzas of ,gregory   
the ,great2 and for the ,feast of the   
,blessed ,sacrament1 the liturgy could  
exhibit the most marvellous jewel case  
of its dower1 the ,office of ,saint     
,thomas1 the ,pange ,lingua1 the ,adore 
,te1 the ,sacris ,solemniis1 the ,verbum
 ,supernum1 and above all the ,lauda    
,sion1 that pure masterpiece of ,latin  
poetry and scholasticism1 that hymn so  
precise1 so lucid in its abstraction1 so

 firm in its rhymed words1 round which  
is rolled the melody perhaps the most   
enthusiastic1 the most supple in plain  
chant4  ,the circle displaced itself    
again1 showing on its different faces   
the twenty-three to twenty-eight        
,sundays which defile after ,pentecost1 
the green weeks of the time of          
,pilgrimage1 and stopped at the last    
feast1 at the ,sunday after the ,octave 
of ,all ,saints1 at the ,dedication of  
,churches which the ,coelestis ,urbs    
incensed1 old stanzas of which the ruins
 were badly consolidated by the         
architects of ,urban ,,viii41 old       
jewels1 on which the troubled water     
slept and was reanimated only in rare   
lights4  ,the juncture of the religious 
crown1 of the liturgical year1 was then 
made at the masses1 in which the gospel 
of the last ,sunday after ,pentecost1   
the ,gospel according to ,saint         
,matthew1 repeats1 as well as the       
,gospel according to ,saint ,luke1      
recited on the first ,sunday in ,advent1

 the terrible predictions of ,christ on 
the desolation of the time1 on the end  
of the world4  ,this is not all1 ,durtal
 continued1 who was interested in this  
run through his prayer-book4 ,in this   
crown of the ,proper of the ,seasons are
 inserted1 like smaller stones1 the     
sequences of the ,proper of ,saints     
which fill the empty places1 and finish 
the round of the circle4  ,first the    
pearls and gems of the ,blessed ,virgin1
 the limpid jewels1 the blue sapphires  
and rose rubies of her antiphons2 then  
the aquamarine1 so lucid and pure1 of   
the ',ave ,maris ,stella1' the topaz1   
pale as tears1 of the ',o ,quot nudis   
,lacrymarum' on the ,feast of the ,seven
 ,dolours1 the hyacinth1 colour of dried
 blood1 of the ',stabat2' then were told
 the feasts of the ,angels and the      
,saints1 the hymns dedicated to the     
,apostles and the ,evangelists1 to the  
,martyrs1 whether solitary or in        
couples1 both out of and during the     
,paschal season1 to the ,confessors1    

,pontiffs1 and non-,pontiffs1 to        
,virgins1 to ,holy ,women1 all ,feasts  
differentiated by special ,sequences1 by
 special ,proses of which some are very 
simple1 like those stanzas made in      
honour of the ,nativity of ,saint ,john 
the ,baptist1 by ,paul the ,deacon4     
,there still remains ,all ,saints1 with 
the ',placare ,christe1' and the three  
blows on the alarm bell1 the knell in   
triplets of the ',dies ,ir1' which      
resounds on the day set apart for the   
,commemoration of the ,dead4  ,what an  
immense fund of poetry1 what an         
incomparable estate of art the ,church  
possesses6 he cried1 closing his book2  
and many memories rose for him at this  
excursion into his prayer-book4  ,on how
 many evenings had the sadness of life  
been dissipated in listening to these   
proses chanted in the churches6  ,he    
thought over again of the suppliant     
voice of ,advent1 and recalled one      
evening1 when he had wandered under a   
fine rain along the quays4 ,he had been 

driven from home by ignoble visions1 and
 at the same time had been harassed by  
the increasing disgust of his vices4 ,he
 had ended by being brought up against  
his will at ,st4 ,gervais4  ,in the     
chapel of the ,virgin1 some poor women  
were prostrate4 ,he had knelt1 tired and
 dazed1 his soul so ill at ease1 that he
 slumbered without power to wake        
himself4 ,some men and boys of the choir
 were installed in the chapel1 with two 
or three priests2 they had lighted      
candles1 and the voice1 light and       
sustained1 of a child1 had in the dark  
of the church chanted the long antiphons
 of the ,rorate4  ,in the state of      
overwhelming sadness in which he was    
stagnant1 ,durtal felt himself open and 
bleeding to the bottom of his soul2 then
 a voice older and less trembling1 which
 understood the words it said1 narrated 
ingenuously1 almost without confusion1  
to the ,just ,one1 ,peccavimus et facti 
sumus tanquam immundus nos4  ,and       
,durtal took up these words1 and spelt  

them over in terror1 thinking1 ,ah6 yes1
 we have sinned and become like the     
leprous1 ,o ,lord6 ,and the chant       
continued1 and in ,his turn1 the ,most  
,high borrowed that same innocent organ 
of childhood1 to declare to man ,his    
pity1 and to confirm to him the pardon  
assured by the coming of the ,son4  ,and
 the evening had ended by the           
,benediction in plain chant1 in the     
midst of the silence and prostration of 
unhappy women4  ,durtal remembered how  
he left the church refreshed1 freed from
 his hauntings1 and he had gone away in 
the drizzling rain1 surprised that the  
way was so short1 humming the ,rorate1  
of which the air had taken possession of
 him1 ending by seeing in it the        
personal touch of a kindly unknown4     
,and there were other evenings 444 the  
,octave of the ,feast of ,all ,souls at 
,st4 ,sulpice and at ,st4 ,thomas       
,aquinas1 where1 after the ,vespers of  
the ,dead1 they brought out again the   
old ,sequence which has disappeared from

 the ,roman ,breviary1 the ,lanquentilus
 in ,purgatorio4  ,this church was the  
only one in ,paris which had retained   
these pages of the ,gallican hymnal1 and
 had them sung by two basses without a  
choir2 but these singers1 so poor as a  
rule1 no doubt were fond of this air1   
for if they did not sing it with art1 at
 least they put a little soul into its  
delivery4  ,and this invocation to the  
,madonna1 in which she was adjured to   
save the souls in ,purgatory1 was as    
sorrowful as the souls themselves1 and  
so melancholy1 so languid1 that the     
surroundings were forgotten1 the        
ugliness of that sanctuary of which the 
choir was a theatre scene1 surrounded by
 closed dressing-rooms and garnished    
with lustres1 one might think oneself   
for a few moments far from ,paris1 far  
from that population of devout women and
 servant girls1 which attend that place 
in the evening4  ,ah6 the ,church1 he   
said to himself1 as he descended the    
path which led to the great pond1 what a

 mother of art is she6 and suddenly the 
noise of a body falling into the water  
interrupted his reflections4  ,he looked
 behind the hedge of reeds and saw      
nothing but great circles running on the
 water1 and all at once in one of these 
rings a small dog-like head appeared    
holding a fish in its mouth2 the beast  
raised itself a little out of the water1
 showed a thin body covered with fur1   
and gazed on ,durtal quietly with its   
little black eyes4  ,then in a flash it 
passed the distance which separated it  
from the bank1 and disappeared under the
 grasses4  ,it is the otter1 he said to 
himself1 remembering the discussion at  
table between the stranger priest and   
the oblate4  ,and he went to gain the   
other pond1 when he encountered ,father 
,etienne4  ,he told him his adventure4  
,impossible6 cried the monk1 no one has 
ever seen the otter2 you must have      
mistaken it for a water rat1 or some    
other animal1 for that beast1 for which 
we have watched for years1 is invisible4

  ,durtal gave him a description of it4 
,it is certainly the otter1 admitted the
 guest-master1 surprised4  ,it was      
evident that this otter lived in the    
pond in a legendary state4 ,in          
monotonous lives1 in days like those in 
a cloister1 it took the proportions of a
 fabulous subject1 of an event whereof  
the mystery would occupy intervals      
seized between prayers and offices4  ,we
 must point out to ,m4 ,bruno the exact 
spot where you remarked it1 for he will 
begin to hunt it again1 said ,father    
,etienne after a silence4  ,but how can 
it trouble you in eating your fish1     
since you do not angle for them8  ,i beg
 your pardon2 we fish for them to send  
them to the ,archbishop1 answered the   
monk1 who went on3 ,still1 it is very   
strange that you saw the beast6  ,when  
,i leave this1 thought ,durtal1 they    
will certainly speak of me as the       
gentleman who saw the otter4  ,while    
talking1 they had arrived at the cross  
pond4  ,look1 said the father1 pointing 

out the swan1 who rose in a fury1 beat  
his wings1 and hissed4  ,what is the    
matter with him8  ,the matter is that   
the white hue of my habit infuriates    
him4  ,ah6 and why8  ,i do not know2    
perhaps he wants to be the only one who 
is white here2 he spares the lay        
brothers1 while as for a father 444     
wait1 you will see4  ,and the           
guest-master walked quietly towards the 
swan4  ,come1 he said to the angry      
creature1 who splashed him with water2  
and he held out his hand which the swan 
snapped4  ,see1 said the monk1 showing  
the mark of a red pinch printed on the  
flesh4  ,and he smiled1 holding his     
hand1 and quitted ,durtal1 who asked    
himself whether1 in acting thus1 the    
,trappist were not wishing to inflict on
 himself some corporal punishment to    
atone for some distraction the evening  
before2 some peccadillo4  ,that stroke  
of the beak must have pinched him       
horribly1 for the tears came into his   
eyes4 ,how could he expose himself with 

joy to such a bite8  ,and he remembered 
that one day at the office of ,none1 one
 of the young monks made a mistake in   
the tone of an antiphon2 at the moment  
that the office ended1 he knelt before  
the altar1 then he lay his whole length 
on the tiles on his face1 his mouth     
pressed on the ground1 till the stroke  
of the prior's bell gave him the order  
to get up4  ,this was a voluntary       
punishment for a negligence committed1 a
 forgetfulness4 ,who knows whether      
,father ,etienne did not in his turn    
punish himself for a thought he deemed  
to border on sin1 in getting himself    
thus pinched8  ,he consulted the oblate 
on the point in the evening1 but ,m4    
,bruno contented himself with a smile1  
without answering4  ,and when ,durtal   
spoke to him of his speedy departure for
 ,paris1 the old man shook his head4    
,considering1 he said1 the fear and the 
discomfort that ,communion caused you1  
you would act wisely if you approach the
 ,holy ,table immediately on your       

return4  ,and seeing that ,durtal did   
not reply1 but hung his head1  ,believe 
a man who has known these trials2 if you
 do not force yourself while you are    
still under the warm impression of ,la  
,trappe1 you will float between desire  
and regret without advancing2 you will  
be ingenious in discovering excuses for 
not making your confession2 you will try
 to think it impossible to find in      
,paris an abb who understands you4 ,now 
allow me to assure you nothing is more  
false4 ,if you desire an expert and easy
 confidant1 go to the ,jesuits2 if you  
wish above all a zealous-souled priest1 
go to ,st4 ,sulpice4  ,you will find    
there honest and intelligent            
ecclesiastics1 excellent hearts4 ,in    
,paris1 where the clergy of the parishes
 are so mixed1 they are at the top of   
the basket of the priesthood1 and1 as   
may be imagined1 they form a community1 
live in cells1 do not dine out2 and as  
the ,sulpician rule forbids them to     
aspire to honours1 or places1 they do   

not run the chance of becoming bad      
priests by ambition4 ,do you know them8 
,no2 but to resolve that question1 which
 in fact constantly troubles me1 ,i     
count on a priest whom ,i often see1 on 
the very man who1 in fact1 sent me into 
this ,trappist monastery4  ,and that1 he
 went on1 makes me remember1 and he rose
 to go to ,compline1 that ,i have as yet
 forgotten to write to him4 ,it is true 
that now it is too late1 ,i should      
arrive at his house almost as soon as my
 letter4 ,it is strange1 but by force of
 walking in one's own1 by force of      
living to oneself1 the days run by1 and 
there is no time to do anything here6   
,,chapter ,,viii4   ,he had hoped for   
his last day at ,la ,trappe a morning of
 quiet1 when his mind might lounge1 a   
mixture of spiritual siesta and of      
working1 charmed by a round of offices1 
and not at all that the idea persistent 
and obstinate that he must quit the     
monastery next day1 would spoil all the 
pleasures he had promised himself4  ,now

 that he had no longer to cleanse       
himself1 and pass under the winnowing of
 confession1 to present himself for the 
,communion in the morning1 he remained  
irresolute1 not knowing any longer how  
to occupy his time1 terrified by the    
recommencement of that life of the world
 which would upset all the barriers of  
forgetfulness1 and would get at him at  
once above all the broken defences of   
the cloister4  ,like a captured animal1 
he began to rub against the bars of his 
cage1 made the tour of the enclosure1   
filling his sight with those places     
where he had tasted hours so kindly and 
so cruel4  ,he felt in himself a shaking
 of the ground1 a disturbance of soul1  
an absolute discouragement before the   
prospect of re-entering into his        
habitual existence1 of mixing himself   
anew with the coming and going of men1  
and he experienced at the same time a   
great fatigue of brain4  ,he dragged    
himself along the walks in a state of   
complete discomfort1 in one of those    

attacks of religious spleen which       
determine1 while they last during years1
 the tdium vit of the cloisters4 ,he had
 a horror of any life but this1 and the 
soul overwrought by prayers was failing 
in a body insufficiently rested and     
ill-nourished2 it had no further desire1
 asked only to be let alone1 to sleep1  
to fall into one of those states of     
torpor in which everything becomes      
indifferent1 in which one ends by losing
 consciousness gently1 by being stifled 
without suffering4  ,he might well1 to  
re-act on him as a consolation1 promise 
himself to assist in ,paris at the      
offices of the ,benedictine nuns1 that  
he would keep himself on the outskirts  
of society1 to himself2 and he was at   
once obliged to answer that these       
subterfuges are impossible1 that the    
very movement of the town is against all
 decoys1 that isolation in a chamber is 
in no degree like the solitude of a     
cell1 that masses celebrated in a chapel
 open to the public cannot be likened to

 the private ,offices of the ,trappists4
  ,then what is the good of trying to   
misunderstand8 ,it is with the soul as  
with the body1 which is better on the   
sea shore1 or in the mountains1 than    
shut up in a town4 ,there is a better   
spiritual air even at ,paris1 in certain
 religious quarters of the left bank1   
than in the districts situated on the   
other bank1 more lively in certain      
churches1 more pure1 for example1 at    
,notre ,dame des ,victoires than in     
churches such as ,la ,trinit and the    
,madeleine4  ,but the monastery was1 as 
it were1 the true shore and high plateau
 of the soul4 ,there the atmosphere was 
balsamic1 strength returned1 lost       
appetite for ,god was there recovered1  
there was health succeeding weakness1 a 
regimen1 fortified and sustained1       
instead of languor and the restricted   
exercises of the towns4  ,the conviction
 that no trickery was possible to him at
 ,paris brought him to the ground4 ,he  
wandered from cell to chapel1 from      

chapel to woods1 awaiting the dinner    
hour with impatience1 in order to be    
able to speak to someone1 for in his    
disorder a new need arose4 ,for more    
than a week he had spent the whole      
afternoon without opening his lips2 he  
did not suffer from it1 was even        
satisfied with his silence1 but since he
 was pressed by this idea of departure  
he could not keep silence any longer1   
thought aloud in the walks to assuage   
the sensations of his swelling heart1   
that stifled him4  ,m4 ,bruno was too   
sagacious not to guess the uneasiness of
 his companion1 who became by turns     
taciturn and over talkative during the  
meal4 ,he made1 however1 as though he   
saw nothing1 but after he had said grace
 he disappeared1 and ,durtal1 who was   
strolling near the great pond1 was      
surprised to see him coming in his      
direction with ,father ,etienne4  ,they 
greeted him1 and the ,trappist with a   
smile proposed to him1 if he had made no
 other plan1 to pass his time in        

visiting the convent1 and especially the
 library1 which the ,father prior would 
be delighted to show him4  ,if          
convenient to me6 ,i shall be delighted6
 cried ,durtal4  ,all three returned    
towards the abbey2 the monk lifted the  
latch of a little door fashioned in a   
wall near the church1 and ,durtal       
entered a minute cemetery1 planted with 
wooden crosses on grass graves4  ,there 
was no inscription1 no flower in this   
enclosure which they traversed2 the monk
 pushed another door1 which opened on a 
long corridor smelling of rats4 ,at the 
end of this gallery1 ,durtal recognized 
the staircase he had ascended one       
morning for his confession in the       
prior's room4 ,they left it on their    
right1 turned into another gallery1 and 
the guest-master led them into an       
immense hall1 pierced by high windows1  
decorated with eighteenth century       
pier-glasses1 and grisailles2 it was    
furnished only with benches and stalls1 
above which was a single chair          

sculptured and painted with abbatial    
arms1 which marked the place of ,dom    
,anselm4  ,oh6 this chapter-house has   
nothing monastic1 said ,father ,etienne1
 designating the profane pictures on the
 walls2 we have kept just as it was the 
drawing-room of this old chateau1 but ,i
 beg you to believe that this decoration
 hardly pleases us4  ,and what takes    
place in this hall8  ,well1 we meet here
 after mass2 the chapter opens by       
reading the martyrology1 followed by the
 concluding prayers of ,prime4 ,then we 
read a passage from the rule1 and the   
,father abbot comments on it4 ,lastly1  
we practise the exercise of humility1   
that is to say1 that whoever among us   
has committed any fault against the     
rule1 prostrates himself1 and avows it  
before his brethren4  ,they went thence 
to the refectory4 ,this room had also a 
high ceiling1 but was smaller1 and      
garnished with tables in form of a      
horse-shoe4 ,a kind of large cruets1    
each containing two half-bottles of wine

 and water1 separated by a water bottle1
 and before them1 instead of glasses1   
cups of brown earthenware1 with two     
handles1 were placed at equal distances4
 ,the monk explained that these sham    
cruets with three branches indicated the
 place of two covers1 each monk having a
 right to his half bottle of drink1 and 
partaking with his neighbour the water  
in the bottle4  ,this pulpit1 said      
,father ,etienne1 pointing out a large  
wooden box fixed against the wall1 is   
destined for the reader of the week1 the
 father who reads during the meal4  ,how
 long does the meal last8  ,just half an
 hour4  ,yes2 and the cookery which we  
eat is delicate in comparison with that 
which is served to the monks1 said the  
oblate4  ,i should lie if ,i were to    
affirm that we make good cheer1 answered
 the guest-master4 ,do you know that the
 hardest thing to bear1 in the earlier  
time especially1 is the want of         
seasoning in our dishes4 ,pepper and    
spices are forbidden by our rule1 and as

 no salt-cellar has place on our table1 
we swallow our food just as it is1 and  
it is for the most part scarcely salted4
  ,on certain days in summer1 when one  
sweats in big drops1 this becomes almost
 impossible1 the gorge rises4 ,yet one  
must begin upon this warm paste1 and at 
least swallow a sufficient quantity not 
to give out before the next day2 we look
 at each other discouraged1 unable to   
get any further2 there is not another   
word to define our dinner in the month  
of ,august1 it is a punishment4  ,and   
all1 the ,father abbot1 the prior1 the  
fathers1 the brethren1 have the same    
food8  ,all4 ,now come and see the      
dormitory4  ,they ascended to the first 
floor4 ,an immense corridor1 furnished  
like a stable with wooden boxes1        
extended before them1 closed at each end
 by a door4  ,this is our lodging1 said 
the monk1 as he stopped before one of   
these cases4 ,cards were placed on them1
 affixing the name of each monk1 and the
 first bore a ticket with this          

inscription3 ,the ,father ,abbot4       
,durtal felt the bed against one of the 
two walls4  ,it was as rough as a       
carding comb1 and as biting as a file4  
,it was composed of a simple quilted    
paillasse extended on a plank2 no       
sheets1 but a prison coverlet of grey   
wool1 a sack of straw instead of        
pillows4  ,god6 it is very hard1 said   
,durtal1 and the monk laughed4  ,our    
habits soften the roughness of this     
straw mattress1 he said2 for our rule   
does not allow us to undress1 we may    
only take off our shoes1 therefore we   
sleep entirely clad1 our head wrapped in
 our hood4  ,and it must be cold in this
 corridor swept by all the winds1 added 
,durtal4  ,no doubt the winter is rough 
here1 but it is not that season which   
alarms us2 we live pretty well1 even    
without fire in time of frost1 but the  
summer--6 ,if you knew what it is to    
wake in habits still steeped in sweat1  
not dried since the evening before1 it  
is terrible6  ,then1 though because of  

the great heat we have often hardly     
slept1 we must before dawn jump out of  
bed1 and begin at once the great night  
office1 the ,vigils1 which last at least
 two hours4 ,even after twenty years of 
,trappist life1 one cannot but suffer at
 that getting up2 in chapel you fight   
against sleep which crushes you1 you    
sleep while you hear a verse chanted1   
you strive to keep awake1 in order to be
 able to chant another1 and fall asleep 
again4  ,one ought to be able to turn   
the key on thought1 and one is incapable
 of it4  ,truly1 ,i assure you that even
 beyond the corporal fatigue which      
explains that state in the morning1     
there is then an aggression of the      
demon1 an incessant temptation to make  
us recite the office badly4  ,and you   
all undergo this strife8  ,all2 and this
 does not hinder1 concluded the monk1   
whose face was radiant1 this does not   
hinder us from being very happy here4   
,because all these trials are nothing   
beside the deep and intimate joys which 

our good ,god gives us4 ,ah6 ,he is a   
generous ,master2 he pays us a          
hundred-fold for our poor sorrows4  ,as 
they spoke1 they had passed through the 
corridor and had arrived at its other   
end4  ,the monk opened the door1 and    
,durtal was astounded to find himself in
 a vestibule just opposite his own cell4
  ,i did not think1 he said1 that ,i was
 living so near you4  ,this house is a  
regular labyrinth--but ,m4 ,bruno will  
take you to the library where the       
,father prior is waiting for you2 for ,i
 must go to my business4 ,we shall meet 
presently1 he said1 with a smile4  ,the 
library was situated on the other side  
of the staircase by which ,durtal       
reached his chamber4 ,it was large1     
furnished with shelves from top to      
bottom1 occupied in the middle by a sort
 of counter table on which also were    
spread rows of books4  ,father ,maximin 
said to ,durtal1  ,we are not very rich1
 but at any rate we possess tools for   
work fairly complete on theology and the

 monography of the cloisters4  ,you have
 superb volumes1 cried ,durtal1 who     
looked at magnificent folios in splendid
 bindings with armorial bearings4       
,wait2 here are the works of ,saint     
,bernard in a fine edition1 and the monk
 presented to ,durtal enormous volumes1 
printed in heavy letters on crackling   
paper4  ,when ,i think that ,i promised 
myself to make acquaintance with ,saint 
,bernard in this very abbey which he    
founded1 and here ,i am on the eve of my
 departure1 and have read nothing6  ,you
 do not know his works8  ,yes2 scattered
 fragments of his sermons and of his    
letters4 ,i have run through some select
 mediocres of his works1 but that is    
all4  ,he is our chief master here2 but 
he is not the only one of our ancestors 
in ,saint ,benedict whom the convent    
possesses1 said the monk with a certain 
pride4 ,see1 and he pointed out on the  
shelves some heavy folios1 here3 ',saint
 ,gregory the ,great1' ',venerable      
,bede1' ',saint ,peter ,damian1' ',saint

 ,anselm4' 444 ,and your friends are    
there1 he said1 following ,durtal with a
 glance as he read the titles of the    
volumes1 ',saint ,teresa1' ',saint ,john
 of the ,cross1' ',saint ,magdalen of   
,pazzi1' ',saint ,angela1' ',tauler1'   
444 and she who like ,sister ,emmerich  
dictated her conversations with ,jesus  
during her ecstasy4 ,and the prior took 
from the range of books in octavo1 ,the 
,dialogues of ,saint ,catherine of      
,siena4  ,that ,dominican nun is        
terrible for the priests of her time1   
the monk went on4 ,she insists on their 
misdeeds1 reproaches them roundly with  
selling the ,holy ,spirit1 with         
practising sortilege1 and with using the
 ,sacrament to compose evil charms4     
,and there are besides the disorderly   
vices of which she accuses them in the  
series concerning the sin of the flesh1 
added the oblate4  ,certainly1 she does 
not mince her words1 but she had the    
right to take up that tone1 and menace  
in the name of the ,lord1 for she was   

truly inspired by ,him4 ,her doctrine   
was drawn from divine sources4          
',doctrina ejus infusa non acquisita1'  
says the ,church in the bull of her     
canonization4 ,her ,dialogues are       
admirable2 the pages in which ,god      
exposes the holy frauds which ,he       
sometimes uses to recall men to good1   
the passages in which she treats of the 
monastic life1 of that barque which     
possesses three ropes3 chastity1        
obedience1 and poverty1 and which faces 
the tempest under the conduct of the    
,holy ,spirit1 are delightful4 ,she     
reveals herself in her work the pupil of
 the well-beloved disciple and of ,saint
 ,thomas ,aquinas4 ,one might believe   
that one heard the ,angel of the ,school
 paraphrasing the last of the           
,evangelists4  ,yes1 said the oblate1   
striking in1 if ,saint ,catherine of    
,siena does not give herself to the high
 speculations of ,mysticism2 if she does
 not analyze like ,saint ,teresa the    
mysteries of divine love1 nor trace the 

itinerary of souls destined to the      
perfect life1 she reflects directly at  
least the conversations of ,heaven4 ,she
 calls1 she loves6 ,you have read1 sir1 
her treatises on ,discretion and        
,prayer8  ,no4 ,i have read ,saint      
,catherine of ,genoa1 but the books of  
,saint ,catherine of ,siena have never  
fallen into my hands4  ,and what do you 
think of this collection8  ,durtal      
looked at the title1 and made a face4   
,i see that ,suso hardly delights you4  
,i should tell a lie if ,i assured you  
that the dissertations of this          
,dominican pleased me4 ,first1 however  
illuminated the man may be1 he does not 
attract me4 ,without speaking of the    
frenzy of his penances1 what            
scrupulousness of devotion and          
narrowness of piety was his6 ,think that
 he could not decide on drinking till he
 had first1 as a preliminary1 divided   
his beverage into five parts4 ,he       
thought thus to honour the five wounds  
of the ,saviour1 and1 moreover1 he      

swallowed his last mouthful in two gulps
 to call up before himself the water and
 the blood which flowed from the side of
 the ,word4  ,no6 these sort of things  
would never enter into my head2 ,i would
 never admit that such practices would  
glorify ,christ4  ,and remark well that 
this love of pounding things small1 this
 passion for small blessings1 is found  
in all his work4 ,his ,god is so        
difficult to content1 so scrupulous1 so 
meddling1 that no one would ever get to 
heaven if they believed what he said4   
,this ,god of his is the fault-finder of
 eternity1 the miser of paradise4  ,on  
the whole1 ,suso expands himself in     
impetuous discourses on trifles2 then   
what with his insipid allegories1 his   
morose ',colloquy on the ,nine ,rocks'  
knocks me down4  ,you will1 however1    
admit that his study on the ,union of   
the ,soul is substantial1 and that the  
',office of the ,eternal ,wisdom' which 
he composed is worth reading8  ,i cannot
 say1 ,father1 ,i do not now remember   

that ,office2 but ,i recollect tolerably
 well the treatise on ',union with      
,god1' it seems to me more interesting  
than the rest1 but you will admit that  
it is very short 444 and then ,saint    
,teresa has also elucidated that        
question of human renunciation and      
divine fruition2 and1 hang it then4446  
,come1 said the oblate1 with a smile1 ,i
 give up the attempt to make you a      
fervent reader of the good ,suso4  ,for 
us1 said ,father ,maximin1 if we had a  
little time to work1 this ought to be   
the leaven of our meditations1 the      
subject of our reading2 and he took down
 a folio which contained the works of   
,saint ,hildegarde1 abbess of the       
,convent of ,rupertsberg4  ,she1 you    
see1 is the great prophetess of the ,new
 ,testament4 ,never1 since the visions  
of ,saint ,john at ,patmos1 has the     
,holy ,spirit communicated to an earthly
 being with such fulness and light4 ,in 
her ',heptachronon' she predicts        
,protestantism and the captivity of the 

,vatican2 in her ',scivias1 or          
,knowledge of the ,ways of the ,lord1'  
which was edited1 according to her      
recital1 by a monk of the ,convent of   
,saint ,dsibode1 she interprets the     
symbols of the ,scriptures1 and even the
 nature of the elements4 ,she also wrote
 a diligent commentary on our rules and 
enthusiastic pages on sacred music1 on  
literature1 on art1 which she defines   
admirably2 a reminiscence1 half-effaced1
 of a primitive condition from which we 
have fallen since ,eden4 ,unfortunately1
 to understand her1 it is necessary to  
give oneself to minute researches and   
patient studies4 ,her apocalyptic style 
has something retractile1 which retreats
 and shuts itself up all the more when  
one will open it4  ,i am well aware that
 ,i am losing my little ,latin1 said ,m4
 ,bruno4 ,what a pity there is not a    
translation of her works1 with glosses  
to help4  ,they are untranslatable1 said
 the father1 who went on1  ,saint       
,hildegarde is1 with ,saint ,bernard1   

one of the purest glories of the family 
of ,saint ,benedict4 ,how predestinate  
was that virgin1 who was inundated with 
interior light at the age of three1 and 
died at eighty-two1 having lived all her
 life in the cloister6  ,and add that   
she was as a permanent state1           
prophetical6 cried the oblate4 ,she is  
like no other woman saint2 all in her is
 astonishing1 even the way in which ,god
 addresses her1 for ,he forgets that she
 is a woman1 and calls her 'man4'  ,and 
she1 added the prior1 employs1 when she 
wishes to designate herself1 the        
singular expression1 'the paltry form4' 
,but here is another writer who is dear 
to us1 and he showed ,durtal the two    
volumes of ,saint ,gertrude4 ,she is    
again one of our great nuns1 an abbess  
truly ,benedictine1 in the exact sense  
of the word1 for she caused the ,holy   
,scriptures to be explained to her nuns1
 wished that the piety of her daughters 
should be based on science1 that this   
faith should be sustained by liturgical 

food1 if ,i may say so4  ,i know nothing
 of her but her ',exercises1' observed  
,durtal1 and they have left with me the 
memory of echoed words1 of things said  
again from the sacred books4 ,so far as 
one may judge from simple extracts1 she 
does not appear to have original        
expression1 and to be far below ,saint  
,teresa or ,saint ,angela4  ,no doubt1  
answered the monk4 ,but she comes near  
,saint ,angela by the gift of           
familiarity when she converses with     
,christ1 and also by the loving         
vehemence of what she says2 only all    
this is transformed on leaving its      
proper source2 she thinks liturgically2 
and this is so true1 that the least of  
her reflections at once presents itself 
to her clothed in the language of the   
,gospels and the ,psalms4  ,her         
',revelations1' her ',insinuations1' her
 ',herald of ,divine ,love1' are        
marvellous from this point of view2 and 
then her prayer to the ,blessed ,virgin 
is exquisite which opens with this      

phrase3 ',hail1 ,o white lily of the    
,trinity1 resplendent1 and always at    
rest4444'  ,as a continuation of her    
works1 the ,benedictine ,fathers of     
,solesmes have edited also the          
',revelations' of ,saint ,mechtilde1 her
 book on ',special ,grace1' and her     
',light of the ,divinity'2 they are     
there on that shelf4444  ,let me show   
you1 said in his turn ,m4 ,bruno1 guides
 wisely marked out for the soul which   
escapes from itself1 and will attempt to
 climb the eternal mountains1 and he    
handed to ,durtal the ,lucerna ,mystica 
of ,lopez ,ezquerra1 the quartos of     
,scaramelli1 the volumes of ,schram1 the
 ,christian ,asceticism of ,ribet1 the  
,principles of ,mystic ,theology of     
,father ,seraphin4  ,and do you know    
this8 continued the oblate2 the volume  
he offered was called ,on ,prayer1 was  
anonymous1 and bore at the bottom of its
 first page ,solesmes1 printed at the   
,abbey of ,saint ,cecilia1 and above the
 printed date1 #ahhf1 ,durtal made out  

the word written in ink1 ,confidential4 
,i have never seen this little book1    
which seems moreover to have never been 
brought into the market4 ,who is the    
author8  ,the most extraordinary nun of 
our time1 the abbess of the ,benedictine
 nuns at ,solesmes4 ,i regret only that 
you are going so soon1 for ,i should    
have been happy to let you read it4  ,as
 far as the document is concerned1 it is
 of a most extraordinary science1 and it
 contains admirable quotations from     
,saint ,hildegarde and ,cassien3 as far 
as ,mysticism is concerned1 ,mother     
,saint ,cecilia evidently only          
reproduces the works of her             
predecessors1 and she tells us nothing  
very new4 ,nevertheless1 ,i remember a  
passage which seems to me more special1 
more personal4 ,wait4444  ,and the      
oblate turned over a few pages4 ,here it
 is3  ',the spiritualized soul does not 
appear exposed to temptation properly   
so-called1 but by a divine permission it
 is called upon to conflict with the    

,demon1 spirit against spirit4444 ,the  
contact with the ,demon is then         
perceived on the surface of the soul1   
under the form of a burn at once        
spiritual and sensible4444 ,if the soul 
hold good in its union with ,god1 if it 
be strong1 the pain1 however sharp1 is  
bearable2 but if the soul commit any    
slight imperfection1 even inwardly1 the 
,demon makes just so much way1 and      
carries his horrible burning more       
forward1 until by generous acts the soul
 can repulse him further4  ,this touch  
of ,satan1 which produces an almost     
material effect on the most intangible  
parts of our being1 is1 you will admit1 
at least curious1 concluded the oblate1 
as he closed the volume4  ,mother ,saint
 ,cecilia is a remarkable strategist of 
the soul1 said the prior1 but 444 but   
444 this work1 which she edited for the 
daughters of her abbey1 contains1 ,i    
think1 some rash propositions which have
 not been read without displeasure at   
,rome4  ,to have done with our poor     

treasures1 he continued1 we have only on
 this side1 and he pointed out a portion
 of the book-cases which covered the    
room1 long-winded works1 the            
',cistercian ,menology1' ',mign's       
,patrology1' dictionaries of the lives  
of the saints1 manuals of sacred        
interpretation1 canon law1 ,christian   
apology1 ,biblical exegesis1 the        
complete works of ,saint ,thomas1 tools 
of work which we rarely employ1 for as  
you know we are a branch of the         
,benedictine trunk vowed to a life of   
bodily labour and penance2 we are men of
 sorrow for ,god1 above all things4     
,here is ,m4 ,bruno1 who uses these     
books2 so do ,i at times1 for ,i have   
special charge of spiritual matters in  
this monastery1 added the monk with a   
smile4  ,durtal looked at him2 he       
handled the volumes with caressing      
hands1 brooded over them with the blue  
lustre of his eye1 laughed with the joy 
of a child as he turned their pages4    
,what a difference between this monk who

 evidently adores his books1 and the    
prior with his imperious profile and    
silent lips who heard his confession the
 second day2 then thinking of all these 
,trappists1 the severity of their       
countenances1 the joy of their eyes1    
,durtal said to himself that these      
,cistercians were not at all as the     
world believed1 solemn and funereal     
people1 but that1 quite the contrary1   
they were the gayest of men4  ,now1 said
 ,father ,maximin1 the reverend ,father 
abbot has charged me with a commission2 
knowing that you will leave us          
to-morrow1 he is anxious1 now that he is
 better1 to pass at least some minutes  
with you4 ,he will be free this evening3
 will it trouble you to join him after  
,compline8  ,not at all2 ,i shall be    
glad to talk with ,dom ,anselm4  ,that  
is understood1 then4  ,they went        
downstairs4 ,durtal thanked the prior1  
who re-entered the enclosure of the     
corridors1 and the oblate1 who went up  
to his cell4 ,he trifled about1 and in  

spite of the torment of his departure1  
which haunted him1 reached the evening  
without too much trouble4  ,the ,salve  
,regina1 which he heard perhaps for the 
last time thus sung by male voices2 that
 airy chapel built of sound1 and        
evaporating with the close of the       
antiphon1 in the smoke of the tapers1   
stirred him to the bottom of his soul2  
the ,trappist monastery showed itself   
truly charming this evening4 ,after the 
office1 they said the ,rosary1 not as at
 ,paris1 where they recite a ,pater1 ten
 ,aves1 and a ,gloria1 and so over      
again2 here they said in ,latin a       
,pater1 an ,ave1 a ,gloria1 and began   
again till in that manner they had      
finished several decades4  ,this rosary 
was said on their knees1 half by the    
prior1 half by all the monks4 ,it went  
at so rapid a pace that it was scarcely 
possible to distinguish the words1 but  
as soon as it was ended1 at a signal    
there was a great silence1 and each one 
prayed with his head in his hands4  ,and

 ,durtal took notice of the ingenious   
system of conventual prayers3 after the 
prayers purely vocal like these1 came   
mental prayer1 personal petitions1      
stimulated and set a-going by the very  
machine of paternosters4  ,nothing is   
left to chance in religion2 every       
exercise which seems at first useless   
has a reason for its being1 he said to  
himself1 as he went out into the court4 
,and the fact is1 that the rosary1 which
 seems to be only a humming-top of      
sounds1 fulfils an end4 ,it reposes the 
soul wearied with the supplications     
which it has recited1 applying itself to
 them1 thinking of them2 it hinders it  
from babbling and reciting to ,god      
always the same petitions1 the same     
complaints2 it allows it to take breath1
 to take rest1 in prayers in which it   
can dispense with reflection1 and1 in   
fact1 the rosary occupies in prayer1    
those hours of fatigue in which one     
would not pray4444 ,ah6 here is the     
,father abbot4  ,the ,trappist expressed

 to him his regret at visiting him only 
thus for a few moments2 then after he   
had answered ,durtal1 who inquired after
 the state of his health1 which he hoped
 was at last re-established1 he proposed
 to him to walk in the garden1 and      
begged him not to inconvenience himself 
by not smoking cigarettes if he had a   
mind to do so4  ,and the conversation   
turned on ,paris4 ,dom ,anselm asked for
 some information1 and ended by saying  
with a smile1 ,i see by scraps of       
newspapers which come to me1 that       
society just now is infected with       
socialism4 ,everyone wishes to solve the
 famous social question4 ,how does that 
get on8  ,how does that get on8 ,why1   
not at all6 ,unless you can change the  
souls of workmen and masters1 and make  
them disinterested and charitable       
between to-day and to-morrow1 in what   
can you expect these systems to end8    
,well1 said the monk1 enwrapping the    
monastery with a gesture1 the question  
is solved here4  ,as wages do not exist1

 all sources of conflicts are           
suppressed4  ,as every task is according
 to aptitudes and powers1 the fathers   
who are not strong-shouldered and       
big-armed fold the packages of          
chocolate1 or make out the bills1 and   
those who are robust dig the ground4  ,i
 add that the equality in our cloisters 
is such that the prior and the abbot    
have no advantage over the other monks4 
,at table the portions1 and in the      
dormitory the paillasses1 are identical4
 ,the sole profits of the abbot consist 
on the whole in the inevitable cares    
arising from the moral conduct and the  
temporal administration of an abbey4    
,there is therefore no reason why the   
workmen of a convent should go on       
strike1 concluded the abbot with a      
smile4  ,yes1 but you are minimists1 you
 suppress the family and woman1 you live
 on nothing1 and expect the only real   
recompense for your labours after death4
 ,how can you make the people in the    
towns understand that8  ,the social     

system may thus be summed up1 as ,i     
think3 the masters wish to profit by the
 workmen1 who in their turn desire to be
 paid as much as possible for as little 
work as possible4 ,well1 then1 there is 
no way out of that4  ,exactly1 and there
 is the sad part of it1 for socialism in
 fact arises from kindly ideas1 just    
ideas1 and will always run up against   
egotism and gain1 against the inevitable
 breakers of the sins of man4  ,and your
 little chocolate factory gives you at  
least some income8  ,yes2 that saves us4
  ,the abbot was silent for a second2   
then he went on1  ,you know1 sir1 how a 
convent is founded4 ,i take for example 
our ,order4 ,a domain and the lands     
about it are offered the ,order on      
condition that it peoples them4 ,the    
,order takes a handful of its monks1 and
 settles them as a swarm on the soil    
given to it4 ,there its task stops4 ,the
 grain must spring up of itself1 or to  
put it differently1 the ,trappists1     
severed from their mother-house1 must   

gain their livelihood1 and suffice for  
themselves4  ,so when we took possession
 of these buildings we were so poor1    
that from bread to shoes everything was 
lacking2 but we had no anxiety for the  
future1 for there is no example in      
monastic history that ,providence has   
not succoured abbeys who trusted in it4 
,little by little we drew our food from 
the estate1 and we learnt useful trades2
 now we make our habits and our shoes2  
we reap our wheat and make our bread2   
our material existence is therefore     
assured1 but the taxes crush us2        
therefore we have founded this factory1 
of which the report becomes better from 
year to year4  ,in a year or two the    
building which shelters us1 and for want
 of money we have been unable to repair1
 will tumble down1 but if ,god then     
allows generous souls to come to our    
aid1 perhaps we shall be in a condition 
to build a monastery1 which is the wish 
of all of us2 for indeed this hovel with
 its rooms in confusion1 and its        

rotunda-chapel1 is painful to us4  ,the 
abbot was silent again1 then after a    
pause he said in a low voice1 speaking  
to himself1  ,it cannot be denied1 a    
convent which has not the look of a     
cloister is an obstacle to vocations2   
the postulant has need--and this is     
quite natural--to mould himself in      
surroundings which please him1 to       
encourage himself in a church which     
wraps him round1 in a somewhat sombre   
chapel2 and to obtain that result you   
want the ,romanesque or ,gothic style4  
,ah1 yes1 indeed4 ,and have you many    
novices8  ,we have especially many      
subjects who desire to feel the life of 
,trappists1 but the greater part do not 
succeed in supporting our way of life4  
,beside even the question of knowing    
whether the vocation of the beginners is
 imaginary or real1 we are from the     
physical point of view clearly fixed    
after a fortnight's trial4  ,eating     
vegetables only must crush the most     
robust constitutions2 ,i do not even    

understand how1 leading an active life1 
you can bear it4  ,the truth is that    
bodies obey where souls are resolute4   
,our ancestors endured the life of the  
,trappists very well4 ,we want souls at 
the present day4 ,i remember that when  
,i made my probation in a ,cistercian   
cloister ,i had no health1 and yet had  
it been necessary ,i would have eaten   
stones6  ,moreover1 the rule will soon  
be softened1 pursued the abbot2 but in  
any case there is a country which1 if   
there should be scarcity1 assures us a  
good number of recruits1 ,holland4  ,and
 seeing ,durtal's look of astonishment1 
the father said1  ,yes1 in that         
,protestant country mystic vegetation is
 flourishing4 ,catholicism is all the   
more fervent that it is1 if not         
persecuted1 at least despised1 drowned  
in the mass of ,calvinists4 ,perhaps    
this belongs also to the nature of the  
soil1 to its solitary plains1 its silent
 canals1 to the very taste of the ,dutch
 for a regular and peaceable life2 but  

in that little knot of ,catholics the   
,cistercian vocation is always very     
common4  ,durtal looked at the ,trappist
 as he walked majestic and quiet1 his   
head buried in his hood1 his hands      
passed under his cincture4  ,from time  
to time his eyes grew bright inside his 
hood1 and the amethyst which he wore on 
his finger sparkled in brief flames4    
,no sound was heard2 at this hour the   
monastery was asleep4 ,durtal and the   
abbot were walking on the banks of the  
great pond1 where the water was alive1  
it alone wakeful in the slumber of the  
woods1 for the moon1 which shone in a   
cloudless sky1 sowed a myriad of        
goldfish1 and this luminous spawn1      
fallen from the planet1 mounted1        
descended1 sparkled in a thousand little
 points of fire1 of which the wind as it
 blew increased the brightness4  ,the   
abbot spoke no longer1 and ,durtal1 who 
was thinking1 intoxicated by the        
sweetness of the night1 groaned         
suddenly4 ,he had just considered that  

at this same hour the next day he would 
be at ,paris1 and seeing the monastery1 
whose pale front appeared at the end of 
a walk as at the end of a dark tunnel1  
he cried1 thinking of all the monks who 
inhabited it1  ,ah6 they are happy6     
,and the abbot answered1 ,too happy4    
,then gently1 in a low voice1  ,yes1 it 
is true we enter here to do penance1 to 
mortify ourselves1 and we have hardly   
begun to suffer when ,god consoles us4  
,he is so good that ,he ,himself wishes 
to deceive ,himself about our merits4   
,if at certain moments ,he allows the   
,demon to persecute us1 ,he gives us in 
exchange so much happiness that there is
 no proportion preserved between the    
recompense and the sorrow4 ,sometimes   
when ,i think of it1 ,i ask myself how  
there still subsists that equilibrium   
that nuns and monks are charged to      
maintain1 since neither of us suffer    
enough to neutralize the repeated sins  
of towns8  ,the abbot stopped1 and then 
went on pensively1  ,the world does not 

even conceive that the austerity of the 
abbeys can profit it4 ,the doctrine of  
mystical compensation escapes it        
entirely4 ,it cannot represent to itself
 that the substitution of the innocent  
for the guilty is necessary when to     
suffer merited punishment is concerned4 
,nor does it explain to itself any more 
that in wishing to suffer for others1   
monks turn aside the wrath of heaven1   
and establish a solidarity in the good  
which is a counter-weight against the   
federation of evil4 ,god knows1         
moreover1 with what cataclysms the      
unconscious world would be menaced1 if  
in consequence of a sudden disappearance
 of all the cloisters1 the equilibrium  
which saves it were broken4  ,the case  
has already presented itself1 said      
,durtal1 who while listening to the     
,trappist thought of the ,abb ,gvresin1 
and remembered how that priest had      
expressed himself on the same subject in
 nearly similar terms4 ,the ,revolution1
 in fact1 suppressed all convents with  

one stroke of a pen1 but ,i think that  
the history of that time when so many   
hucksters were busy is still to be      
written4 ,instead of searching for      
documents on the acts1 and even on the  
persons of the ,jacobins1 the archives  
of the religious orders which existed at
 that time should be ransacked4  ,in    
working thus at the side of the         
,revolution1 in sounding its            
neighbourhood1 its foundations will be  
exhumed4 ,its causes will be brought to 
the surface1 and it will certainly be   
discovered that in proportion to the    
suppression of convents1 monstrous      
excesses had birth4 ,who knows if the   
demoniacal madness of ,carrier or ,marat
 do not accord with the death of an     
abbey whose sanctity preserved ,france  
for years4  ,to be just1 answered the   
abbot1 it is right to say that the      
,revolution destroyed ruins only4 ,the  
rule of in commendam ended by giving the
 monasteries over to ,satan4 ,it was    
they1 alas6 that by the relaxation of   

their morals1 inclined the balance1 and 
drew down the lightning on the land4    
,the ,terror was only a consequence of  
their impiety4 ,god1 whom nothing longer
 withheld1 let things take their course4
  ,yes2 but how can you now prove the   
necessity of compensations to a world   
which wanders out of the way in         
continued accesses of gain2 how persuade
 it that it is an urgent need1 as a     
preventive against new crises1 to       
shelter towns behind the sacred bulwarks
 of cloisters8  ,after the siege of     
#ahgj1 ,paris was wisely sheltered      
behind an immense net of impregnable    
forts2 but is it not also indispensable 
to surround it with a cincture of       
prayers1 to buttress its neighbourhood  
with conventual houses1 to build        
everywhere in its suburbs convents of   
,poor ,clares1 ,carmelites1 ,benedictine
 nuns of the ,blessed ,sacrament1       
monasteries which will be in some degree
 powerful citadels1 destined to arrest  
the forward march of the armies of evil8

  ,certainly the towns have great need  
of being guaranteed against infernal    
invasions by a sanitary defence of      
,orders4444 ,but come1 sir1 ,i must not 
deprive you of necessary rest1 ,i will  
join you to-morrow1 before you quit our 
solitude4 ,i have now but to say that   
you have only friends here1 and that you
 will be always welcome4 ,i hope that on
 your side you will keep no unfavourable
 memory of our poor hospitality1 and    
that you will prove it in coming to see 
us again4  ,as they talked they had come
 in front of the guest-house4  ,the     
father pressed ,durtal's hands1 and     
slowly ascended the stairs1 sweeping    
with his robe the silver dust of the    
steps1 as he mounted1 all white1 in a   
ray of the moon4     ,,chapter ,,ix4    
,durtal wished immediately after ,mass  
to visit for the last time that wood    
through which he had walked1 in turn so 
languidly and so rapidly4 ,he went at   
first to the old lime alley1 whose pale 
emanations were verily for his spirit   

what an infusion of their leaves is for 
the body1 a sort of very weak panacea1 a
 kindly and soothing sedative4  ,then he
 sat down in their shade on a stone     
bench4 ,as he leant forward a little he 
could see through the moving spaces in  
the branches1 the solemn front of the   
abbey1 and opposite it1 separated by the
 kitchen garden1 the gigantic cross     
standing before that liquid plan of a   
church which the pond simulated4  ,he   
rose1 and approached the watery cross1  
of which the sky turned the marble water
 blue1 and he contemplated the great    
crucifix in white marble1 which towered 
above the whole monastery1 and seemed to
 rise opposite to it as a permanent     
reminder of the vows of suffering which 
he had accepted1 and reserved to himself
 to change at length into joys4  ,the   
fact is1 said ,durtal1 who thought over 
again the contradictory declarations of 
the monks1 confessing that they led at  
once the most attractive and the most   
atrocious life2 the fact is that the    

good ,god deceives them4 ,they attain   
here below ,paradise1 while they seek   
hell there4 ,i have myself tasted how   
strange is existence in this cloister1  
for ,i have been here1 almost at the    
same time1 very unhappy and very happy2 
and now ,i feel well the mirage which is
 already beginning3 before two days are 
over the remembrance of the sorrows     
which then were1 if ,i recall them with 
care1 greatly above the joys1 will have 
disappeared1 and ,i shall only recall   
those interior emotions in the chapel1  
those delicious stolen moments in the   
morning in the pathways of the park4  ,i
 shall regret the open-air prison of    
this convent4 ,it is curious ,i find    
myself attached to it by obscure bonds2 
when ,i am in my cell1 there return to  
me all kinds of memories1 like those of 
an ancient race4 ,i find myself at once 
at home again1 in a place ,i had never  
seen2 ,i recognize from the first moment
 a very special life1 of which          
nevertheless ,i know nothing4 ,it seems 

to me that something which interests me1
 which is indeed personal to me1 passed 
here before ,i was born4 ,truly1 if ,i  
believed in metempsychosis ,i might     
imagine ,i had been a monk in anterior  
existences2 a bad monk then1 he said1   
smiling at his reflections1 since ,i    
should have been obliged to be          
reincarnate and to return to a cloister 
to expiate my sins4  ,while thus talking
 with himself1 he had passed across a   
long alley which led to the end of the  
enclosure1 and1 cutting across the road1
 and through the thickets1 he strayed   
into the wood of the great pond4  ,it   
was not in motion1 as on certain days   
when the wind made hollows in it1 and   
swelled it1 made it flow and return on  
itself as soon as it touched its banks4 
,it remained immovable1 and was only    
stirred by the reflections of the moving
 clouds and of the trees4 ,at moments a 
leaf fallen from the neighbouring       
poplars swam on the image of a cloud1 at
 others bubbles of air came from the    

bottom and burst on the surface in the  
reflected blue of heaven4  ,durtal      
looked for the otter1 but it did not    
show itself2 he saw only the swallows   
which skimmed the water with their wing1
 the dragon-flies which sparkled like   
jewels1 flashing like the blue flames of
 sulphur4  ,if he had suffered near the 
cross-pond1 before the sheet of water of
 the other pond he could only call up   
the memory of healing hours1 which he   
had passed lying on a bed of moss1 or a 
couch of dry reeds1 and he looked at it 
tenderly1 trying to fix and carry it    
away in his memory to re-live again in  
,paris1 shutting his eyes on the bank4  
,he pursued his walk1 and stopped in an 
alley of chestnuts along the walls above
 the monastery2 thence he went into the 
court in front of the cloister1 the     
outbuildings1 the stables1 the          
woodsheds1 even the pig-styes4 ,he tried
 to see ,brother ,simeon1 but he was    
probably engaged in the stables1 for he 
did not appear4 ,the buildings were     

silent1 the pigs were shut up2 only some
 lean cats prowled about in silence1    
scarcely looking when they met each     
other1 going each on its own side1 no   
doubt seeking some nourishing game which
 would console them for the eternal     
meals of vegetable soup served them at  
the monastery4  ,time was getting on2 he
 prayed for the last time in the chapel1
 and went to his cell to get his        
portmanteau ready4  ,while putting his  
things in order he thought of the       
inutility of decorated rooms4 ,he had   
spent all his money at ,paris in buying 
ornaments and books1 for till now he had
 detested bare walls4  ,but now1        
considering the blank walls of this     
room1 he admitted to himself that he had
 done better between these four         
white-washed walls than in his room at  
,paris1 hung with stuffs4  ,suddenly he 
recognized that ,la ,trappe had weaned  
him from his preferences1 had in a few  
days completely upset him4 ,the power of
 such an environment6 he said to        

himself1 a little alarmed at feeling how
 he was transformed4 ,and he thought in 
buckling his portmanteau1 ,i must       
however1 go and find ,father ,etienne1  
for ,i must settle my account2 ,i cannot
 be altogether a debtor to these good   
people4  ,he went along the corridors1  
and ended by meeting the father in the  
court4  ,he was a little confused how to
 open the question2 at the first words  
the guest-master smiled4  ,the rule of  
,saint ,benedict is formal1 he said2 we 
must receive our guests as we receive   
our ,lord ,jesus ,himself1 that is to   
tell you that we cannot exchange our    
poor care for money4  ,and when ,durtal 
insisted1 embarrassed1  ,if it does not 
suit you to have partaken of our meagre 
pittance without paying1 do as you      
please2 only the sum which you may give 
will be distributed in coins of ten or  
twenty sous1 to the poor who come each  
morning1 often from a great distance1 to
 knock at our monastery gate4  ,durtal  
bowed and handed the money1 which he had

 ready in his pocket1 to the father1 but
 he inquired if he might not have a word
 with ,father ,maximin before his       
departure4  ,certainly2 moreover1       
,father prior would not have let you go 
without shaking hands with you4 ,i will 
go and make certain if he be free4 ,wait
 for me in the refectory4 ,and the monk 
disappeared1 and came back a few minutes
 afterwards1 preceded by the prior4     
,ah1 well1 said he1 then you are going  
to plunge again into the hurly-burly8   
,oh6 without any pleasure1 ,father4  ,i 
understand that4 ,it is so good1 is it  
not1 no longer to hear anything and to  
be silent4 ,however1 take courage2 we   
will pray for you4  ,and as ,durtal     
thanked both of them for their kind     
attentions1  ,it is a pleasure to       
receive a retreatant such as you1 cried 
,father ,etienne1 nothing repulses you1 
and you are so exact that you are about 
before the hour3 you rendered my task of
 overseer easy4 ,if all were as little  
exacting and as pliable4  ,and he       

admitted that he had given lodging to   
priests sent by their bishops as a      
penance1 ecclesiastics of ill-repute    
whose complaints about food1 lodging1   
the need of rising early in the morning1
 never ceased4  ,if1 again1 said the    
prior1 one could hope to recall them to 
good1 to send them back healed to their 
parishes2 but no1 they go away still    
more rebellious than before1 the ,devil 
does not let them alone4  ,during this  
conversation a lay brother brought in   
some dishes covered with plates and     
placed them on the table4  ,we have     
changed the hour of your dinner1 because
 of the train1 said ,father ,etienne4   
,good appetite1 adieu1 and may the ,lord
 bless you1 said the prior4  ,he raised 
his hand1 and enwrapped ,durtal1 with a 
great sign of the cross1 who knelt      
surprised at the sudden emotion in the  
monk's tone4 ,but ,father ,maximin      
recovered himself at once1 and he bowed 
to him as ,m4 ,bruno entered4  ,the meal
 was silent2 the oblate was visibly     

distressed at the departure of the      
companion whom he loved1 and ,durtal    
looked with a swelling heart at the old 
man1 who had so charitably come out of  
his solitude to give him aid4  ,will you
 not come some day to see me in ,paris8 
he said4  ,no4 ,i have quitted life     
without any mind to return to it4 ,i am 
dead to the world4 ,i do not wish to see
 ,paris again4 ,i have no wish to live  
again4  ,but if ,god lend me still a few
 years of existence ,i hope to see you  
here again1 for it is not in vain that  
one has crossed the threshold of mystic 
asceticism1 to verify by one's own      
experience the reality of the           
requirements which our ,lord brings     
about4 ,now1 as ,god does not proceed by
 chance1 ,he will certainly finish ,his 
work by sifting you as wheat4 ,i venture
 to recommend you to try not to give    
way1 and attempt to die in some measure 
to yourself1 in order not to run counter
 to ,his plans4  ,i know well1 said     
,durtal1 that all is displaced in me1   

that ,i am no longer the same1 but what 
frightens me is that ,i am now sure that
 the works of the ,teresan school are   
exact 444 then1 then 444 if one must    
pass-through the cylinders of the       
rolling mill which ,saint ,john of the  
,cross describes4444  ,the noise of a   
carriage in the court interrupted him4  
,m4 ,bruno went to the window and looked
 out4  ,your luggage is down4  ,yes4    
,they looked at each other4  ,listen6 ,i
 would wish indeed to say to you4444    
,no1 no1 do not thank me1 cried the     
oblate4 ,see1 ,i have never so          
thoroughly understood the misery of my  
being4 ,ah6 if ,i had been another man1 
,i might1 by praying better1 have aided 
you more4  ,the door opened and ,father 
,etienne declared1  ,you have not a     
minute to lose1 if you do not wish to   
miss the train4  ,thus hurried1 ,durtal 
had only time to press the hand of his  
friend1 who accompanied him to the      
court4 ,he found waiting a sort of open 
wagon driven by a ,trappist1 who1 below 

a bald head1 and cheeks streaked with   
rose threads1 had a great black beard4  
,durtal pressed the hands of the        
guest-master and the oblate for the last
 time1 when the ,father abbot came in   
his turn to wish him a safe journey2 and
 at the end of the court ,durtal        
perceived two eyes fixed on him1 those  
of ,brother ,anacletus1 who1 at a       
distance1 said adieu by a slight bow1   
but without other gesture4  ,even this  
poor man1 whose eloquent look told of a 
truly touching affection1 had a saint's 
pity for the stranger whom he had seen  
so tumultuous and so sad in the desolate
 solitude of the wood6  ,certainly the  
stiffness of the rule forbade all show  
of feeling to these monks1 but ,durtal  
felt thoroughly that for him they had   
gone to the limit of concessions        
allowed1 and his affliction was great as
 he cast them in parting a last         
expression of thanks4  ,and the door of 
the monastery closed2 that door at which
 he had trembled in arriving1 and at    

which he now looked with tears in his   
eyes4  ,we must get on fast1 said the   
procurator1 for we are late1 and the    
horse went at a great speed along the   
lanes4  ,durtal recognized his          
companion1 as having seen him in the    
chapel1 singing in the choir during the 
,office4  ,he had an air at once        
good-natured and firm1 and his little   
grey eye smiled as it glanced behind his
 branched spectacles4  ,well1 said he1  
how have you borne our regimen8  ,i have
 had every chance2 ,i came herewith my  
stomach out of order1 my body ill1 and  
the simple ,trappist meals have cured   
me4  ,and when ,durtal narrated briefly 
the stages of soul he had undergone1 the
 monk murmured1  ,that is nothing in    
regard to demoniacal attacks2 we have   
had here true cases of possession4  ,and
 ,brother ,simeon discovered them6  ,ah6
 you know that4444 ,and he replied quite
 simply to ,durtal1 who spoke to him of 
his admiration for the poor lay         
brothers1  ,you are right1 sir2 if you  

could talk with these peasants and      
illiterate men1 you would be surprised  
at the often profound answers which     
these people give you2 then they alone  
at the monastery are really courageous2 
we1 the ,fathers1 when we think         
ourselves too weak1 accept willingly the
 authorized addition of an egg2 they    
never2 they pray more1 and it must be   
admitted that our ,lord listens to them1
 since they get well again1 and indeed  
are never ill4  ,and to a question of   
,durtal who asked him in what consisted 
the functions of procurator1 the monk   
answered1  ,they consist in keeping the 
accounts1 in being the commercial agent1
 in travelling1 in managing1 alas6      
everything which does not concern the   
life of the cloister2 but we are so few 
in number at ,notre ,dame de l',atre1   
that we become necessarily              
,jacks-of-all-trades4 ,for instance1    
,father ,etienne is cellarer of the     
,abbey and guest-master1 he is also     
sacristan and bell-ringer4 ,i too1 am   

first cantor and professor of plain     
song4  ,and while the carriage rolled   
along1 shaken by the ruts1 the          
procurator declared to ,durtal1 who told
 him how much the offices chanted at the
 monastery had delighted him1  ,it is   
not with us that you ought to hear them2
 our choirs are too restricted1 too weak
 to be able to raise the giant mass of  
those chants4 ,you ought to go to the   
black monks of ,solesmes or ,ligug if   
you wish to find the ,gregorian melodies
 executed as they were in the ,middle   
,ages4 ,by the way1 do you know in      
,paris1 the ,benedictine nuns in the    
,rue ,monsieur8  ,yes2 but do you not   
think they coo a little8  ,i cannot say2
 all the same their collection of tunes 
is authentic1 but at the little seminary
 at ,versailles1 you have better still1 
since they chant there exactly as at    
,solesmes2 note this well1 moreover1 at 
,paris1 when the churches decline to    
repudiate liturgical music1 they use for
 the most part the false notation       

printed and spread in abundance in all  
the dioceses in ,france by the house of 
,pustet of ,ratisbon4  ,but the errors  
and frauds with which those editions    
abound are well known4  ,the legend on  
which its partisans rely is incorrect4  
,to assert1 as they do1 that this       
version is no other than that of        
,palestrina who was charged by ,pope    
,paul ,v4 to revive the musical liturgy 
of the ,church1 is an argument destitute
 of truth and void of force1 for        
everyone knows that when ,palestrina    
died1 he had hardly begun the correction
 of the ,gradual4  ,i will add that even
 if that musician had finished his work1
 that would not prove that his          
interpretation ought to be preferred to 
that which has been recently constituted
 after patient researches by the ,abbey 
of ,solesmes1 for the ,benedictine texts
 are based on the copy preserved at the 
monastery of ,st4 ,gall of the          
antiphonary of ,saint ,gregory1 which   
represents the most ancient and the most

 certain monument which the ,church     
preserves of the true plain chant4      
,this manuscript1 of which photographic 
facsimiles exist1 is the code of        
,gregorian melodies1 and it ought to be1
 if ,i may use the expression1 the      
neumatic ,bible of choirs4  ,the        
disciples of ,saint ,benedict are then  
absolutely right when they declare that 
their version alone is faithful1 alone  
correct4  ,how then comes it that so    
many churches get their music from      
,ratisbon8  ,alas1 how comes it that    
,pustet has so long acquired the        
monopoly of liturgical books1 and 444   
but no1 better hold one's peace 444 take
 this only for certain1 that the ,german
 volumes are the absolute negation of   
the ,gregorian tradition1 the most      
complete heresy of plain chant4  ,by the
 way1 what time is it8 ,we must make    
haste1 said the procurator1 looking at  
the watch which ,durtal held up to him4 
,come up1 my beauty1 and he whipped up  
the mare4  ,you drive with spirit1 cried

 ,durtal4  ,it is true2 ,i forgot to say
 to you1 that over and above my other   
functions1 ,i also have1 if need be1    
that of coachman4  ,durtal thought all  
the same that these people were         
extraordinary who lived an interior life
 in ,god4 ,as soon as they consented to 
redescend on earth they revealed        
themselves as the most sagacious and the
 boldest of business men4 ,an abbot     
founded a factory with the few pence he 
succeeded in gathering2 he discerned the
 employment which suited each of his    
monks1 and with them he improvised      
artisans1 writing clerks1 transformed a 
professor of plain chant into an agent1 
plunged into the tumult of purchases and
 sales1 and little by little the house  
which scarcely was raised above the     
soil1 grew1 put forth shoots1 and ended 
by nourishing with its fruit the abbey  
which had planted it4  ,transported into
 another environment these people would 
have as easily created great            
manufactories and started banks4 ,and it

 was the same with the women4 ,when one 
thinks of the practical qualities of a  
man of business1 and the coolness of an 
old diplomatist which a mother abbess   
ought to possess in order to rule her   
community1 one is obliged to admit that 
the only women1 truly intelligent1 truly
 remarkable are1 outside of             
drawing-rooms1 outside of the world1 at 
the head of cloisters4  ,and as he      
expressed his wonder aloud1 that monks  
were so expert at setting up business4  
,it must be so1 sighed the father1 but  
if you believe that we do not regret the
 time necessarily spent in digging the  
ground6 then our spirit at least was    
free1 then we could sanctify ourselves  
in silence which to a monk is as        
necessary as bread1 for it is thanks to 
it1 that he stifles vanity as it rises1 
that he represses disobedience as it    
murmurs1 that he turns all his          
aspirations1 all his thoughts towards   
,god1 and becomes at last attentive to  
,his presence4  ,instead of that 444 but

 here we are at the station2 do not     
trouble yourself about your portmanteau1
 but go and take your ticket1 for ,i    
hear the whistle of the train4  ,and in 
fact ,durtal had only time to shake     
hands with the father1 who put his      
luggage into the carriage4  ,there1 when
 he was alone1 seated1 looking at the   
monk as he departed1 he felt his heart  
swell1 ready to break4  ,and in the     
clatter of the rails the train started4 
,sharply1 clearly1 in a minute1 ,durtal 
took stock of the frightful disorder    
into which he had thrown the monastery4 
,ah6 and outside it1 all is the same to 
me1 and nothing matters to me1 he cried4
 ,and he groaned1 knowing that he should
 never more succeed in interesting      
himself in all that makes the joy of    
men4 ,the uselessness of caring about   
any other thing than ,mysticism and the 
liturgy1 of thinking about aught else   
save ,god1 implanted itself in him so   
firmly that he asked himself what would 
become of him at ,paris with such ideas4

  ,he saw himself submitting to the     
confusion of controversies1 the         
cowardice of conventionality1 the vanity
 of declarations1 the inanity of proofs4
 ,he saw himself bruised and thrust     
aside by the reflections of everybody1  
obliged henceforward to advance or      
retire1 dispute or hold his tongue8  ,in
 any case peace was for ever lost4 ,how 
in fact was he to rally and recover when
 he was obliged to dwell in a place of  
passage1 in a soul open to all winds1   
visited by a crowd of public thoughts8  
,his contempt for relations1 his disgust
 for acquaintances grew on him4 ,no1    
everything rather than mix myself again 
with society1 he declared to himself1   
and then he was silent in despair1 for  
he was not ignorant that he could not1  
apart from the monastic zone1 live in   
isolation4 ,after a short time would    
come weariness and a void1 therefore why
 had he reserved nothing for himself1   
why had he trusted all to the cloister8 
,he had not even known how to arrange   

the pleasure of entering into himself1  
he had discovered how to lose the       
amusement of bric--brac1 how to         
extirpate that last satisfaction in the 
white nakedness of a cell6 he no longer 
held to anything1 but lay dismantled1   
saying1 ,i have renounced almost all the
 happiness which might fall to me1 and  
what am ,i going to put in its place8   
,and terrified1 he perceived the        
disquiet of a conscience ready to       
torment itself1 the permanent reproaches
 of an acquired lukewarmness1 the       
apprehensions of doubts against ,faith1 
fear of furious clamours of the senses  
stirred by chance meetings4  ,and he    
repeated to himself that the most       
difficult thing would not be to master  
the emotions of his flesh1 but indeed to
 live ,christianly1 to confess1 to      
communicate at ,paris1 in a church4 ,he 
never could get so far as that1 and he  
imagined discussions with the ,abb      
,gvresin1 his gaining time1 his refusal1
 foreseeing that their friendship would 

come to an end in these disputes4  ,then
 where should he fly8 ,at the very      
recollection of the ,trappist monastery 
the theatrical representations of ,st4  
,sulpice made him jump4 ,st4 ,severin   
seemed to him distracted and worn4 ,how 
could he live among stupid people like  
the devout1 how listen without gnashing 
his teeth to the affected chants of the 
choirs8 ,how1 lastly1 could he seek     
again in the chapel of the ,benedictine 
nuns1 and even at ,notre ,dame des      
,victoires1 that dull heat radiating    
from the souls of the monks1 and thawing
 little by little the ice of his poor   
being8  ,and then it was not even that4 
,what was truly crushing1 truly         
dreadful1 was to think that doubtless he
 would never again feel that admirable  
joy which lifts you from the ground1    
carries you1 you know not where1 nor    
how1 above sense4  ,ah1 those paths at  
the monastery wandered in at daybreak1  
those paths where one day after a       
communion1 ,god had dilated his soul in 

such a fashion that it seemed no longer 
his own1 so much had ,christ plunged him
 in the sea of ,his divine infinity1    
swallowed him in the heavenly firmament 
of ,his person4  ,how renew that state  
of grace without communion and outside a
 cloister8 ,no2 it is all over1 he      
concluded4  ,and he was seized with such
 an access of sadness1 such an outburst 
of despair1 that he thought of getting  
out at the first station1 and returning 
to the monastery2 and he had to shrug   
his shoulders1 for his character was not
 patient enough nor his will firm       
enough1 nor his body strong enough to   
support the terrible trials of a        
noviciate4 ,moreover1 the prospect of   
having no cell to himself1 of sleeping  
dressed higgledy-piggledy in a          
dormitory1 alarmed him4  ,but what then8
 ,and sadly he took stock of himself4   
,ah6 he thought1 ,i have lived twenty   
years in ten days in that convent1 and  
,i leave it1 my brain relaxed1 my heart 
in rags2 ,i am done for1 for ever4      

,paris and ,notre ,dame de l',atre have 
rejected me each in their turn like a   
waif1 and here ,i am condemned to live  
apart1 for ,i am still too much a man of
 letters to become a monk1 and yet ,i am
 already too much a monk to remain among
 men of letters4  ,he leapt up and was  
silent1 dazzled by jets of electric     
light which flooded him as the train    
stopped4  ,he had returned to ,paris4   
,if they1 he said1 thinking of those    
writers whom it would no doubt be       
difficult not to see again1 if they knew
 how inferior they are to the lowest of 
the lay brothers6 if they could imagine 
how the divine intoxication of a        
,trappist swine-herd interests me more  
than all their conversations and all    
their books6 ,ah6 ,lord1 that ,i might  
live1 live in the shadow of the prayers 
of humble ,brother ,simeon6