,illustration ,the ,story of ,my ,heart ,,my ,,autobiography by ,richard ,jefferies ,contents ,,chapter ,i4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,chapter ,i ,the story of my heart commences seventeen years ago4 ,in the glow of youth there were times every now and then when ,i felt the necessity of a strong inspiration of soul-thought4 ,my heart was dusty1 parched for want of the rain of deep feeling2 my mind arid and dry1 for there is a dust which settles on the heart as well as that which falls on a ledge4 ,it is injurious to the mind as well as to the body to be always in one place and always surrounded by the same circumstances4 ,a species of thick clothing slowly grows about the mind1 the pores are choked1 little habits become a part of existence1 and by degrees the mind is inclosed in a husk4 ,when this began to form ,i felt eager to escape from it1 to throw off the heavy clothing1 to drink deeply once more at the fresh foundations of life4 ,an inspiration--a long deep breath of the pure air of thought--could alone give health to the heart4 ,there is a hill to which ,i used to resort at such periods4 ,the labour of walking three miles to it1 all the while gradually ascending1 seemed to clear my blood of the heaviness accumulated at home4 ,on a warm summer day the slow continued rise required continual effort1 which caried away the sense of oppression4 ,the familiar everyday scene was soon out of sight2 ,i came to other trees1 meadows1 and fields2 ,i began to breathe a new air and to have a fresher aspiration4 ,i restrained my soul till reached the sward of the hill2 psyche1 the soul that longed to be loose4 ,i would write psyche always instead of soul to avoid meanings which have become attached to the word soul1 but it is awkward to do so4 ,clumsy indeed are all words the moment the wooden stage of commonplace life is left4 ,i restrained psyche1 my soul1 till ,i reached and put my foot on the grass at the beginning of the green hill itself4 ,moving up the sweet short turf1 at every step my heart seemed to obtain a wider horizon of feeling2 with every inhalation of rich pure air1 a deeper desire4 ,the very light of the sun was whiter and more brilliant here4 ,by the time ,i had reached the summit ,i had entirely forgotten the petty circumstances and the annoyances of existence4 ,i felt myself1 myself4 ,there was an intrenchment on the summit1 and going down into the fosse ,i walked round it slowly to recover breath4 ,on the south-western side there was a spot where the outer bank had partially slipped1 leaving a gap4 ,there the view was over a broad plain1 beautiful with wheat1 and inclosed by a perfect amphitheatre of green hills4 ,through these hills there was one narrow groove1 or pass1 southwards1 where the white clouds seemed to close in the horizon4 ,woods hid the scattered hamlets and farmhouses1 so that ,i was quite alone4 ,i was utterly alone with the sun and the earth4 ,lying down on the grass1 ,i spoke in my soul to the earth1 the sun1 the air1 and the distant sea far beyond sight4 ,i thought of the earth's firmness--,i felt it bear me up3 through the grassy couch there came an influence as if ,i could feel the great earth speaking to me4 ,i thought of the wandering air--its pureness1 which is its beauty2 the air touched me and gave me something of itself4 ,i spoke to the sea3 though so far1 in my mind ,i saw it1 green at the rim of the earth and blue in deeper ocean2 ,i desired to have its strength1 its mystery and glory4 ,then ,i addressed the sun1 desiring the soul equivalent of his light and brilliance1 his endurance and unwearied race4 ,i turned to the blue heaven over1 gazing into its depth1 inhaling its exquisite colour and sweetness4 ,the rich blue of the unattainable flower of the sky drew my soul towards it1 and there it rested1 for pure colour is rest of heart4 ,by all these ,i prayed2 ,i felt an emotion of the soul beyond all definition2 prayer is a puny thing to it1 and the word is a rude sign to the feeling1 but ,i know no other4 ,by the blue heaven1 by the rolling sun bursting through untrodden space1 a new ocean of ether every day unveiled4 ,by the fresh and wandering air encompassing the world2 by the sea sounding on the shore--the green sea white-flecked at the margin and the deep ocean2 by the strong earth under me4 ,then1 returning1 ,i prayed by the sweet thyme1 whose little flowers ,i touched with my hand2 by the slender grass2 by the crumble of dry chalky earth ,i took up and let fall through my fingers4 ,touching the crumble of earth1 the blade of grass1 the thyme flower1 breathing the earth-encircling air1 thinking of the sea and the sky1 holding out my hand for the sunbeams to touch it1 prone on the sward in token of deep reverence1 thus ,i prayed that ,i might touch to the unutterable existence infinitely higher than deity4 ,with all the intensity of feeling which exalted me1 all the intense communion ,i held with the earth1 the sun and sky1 the stars hidden by the light1 with the ocean--in no manner can the thrilling depth of these feelings be written--with these ,i prayed1 as if they were the keys of an instrument1 of an organ1 with which ,i swelled forth the note of my soul1 redoubling my own voice by their power4 ,the great sun burning with light2 the strong earth1 dear earth2 the warm sky2 the pure air2 the thought of ocean2 the inexpressible beauty of all filled me with a rapture1 an ecstasy1 and inflatus4 ,with this inflatus1 too1 ,i prayed4 ,next to myself ,i came and recalled myself1 my bodily existence4 ,i held out my hand1 the sunlight gleamed on the skin and the iridescent nails2 ,i recalled the mystery and beauty of the flesh4 ,i thought of the mind with which ,i could see the ocean sixty miles distant1 and gather to myself its glory4 ,i thought of my inner existence1 that consciousness which is called the soul4 ,these1 that is1 myself--,i threw into the balance to weight the prayer the heavier4 ,my strength of body1 mind and soul1 ,i flung into it2 ,i put forth my strength2 ,i wrestled and laboured1 and toiled in might of prayer4 ,the prayer1 this soul-emotion was in itself-not for an object-it was a passion4 ,i hid my face in the grass1 ,i was wholly prostrated1 ,i lost myself in the wrestle1 ,i was rapt and carried away4 ,becoming calmer1 ,i returned to myself and thought1 reclining in rapt thought1 full of aspiration1 steeped to the lips of my soul in desire4 ,i did not then define1 or analyses1 or understand this4 ,i see now that what ,i laboured for was soul-life1 more soul-nature1 to be exalted1 to be full of soul-learning4 ,finally ,i rose1 walked half a mile or so along the summit of the hill eastwards1 to soothe myself and come to the common ways of life again4 ,had any shepherd accidentally seen me lying on the turf1 he would only have thought that ,i was resting a few minutes2 ,i made no outward show4 ,who could have imagined the whirlwind of passion that was going on within me as ,i reclined there6 ,i was greatly exhausted when ,i reached home4 ,occasionally ,i went upon the hill deliberately1 deeming it good to do so2 then1 again1 this craving carried me away up there of itself4 ,though the principal feeling was the same1 there were variations in the mode in which it affected me4 ,sometimes on lying down on the sward ,i first looked up at the sky1 gazing for a long time till ,i could see deep into the azure and my eyes were full of the colour2 then ,i turned my face to the grass and thyme1 placing my hands at each side of my face so as to shut out everything and hide myself4 ,having drunk deeply of the heaven above and felt the most glorious beauty of the day1 and remembering the old1 old1 sea1 which 7as it seemed to me7 was but just yonder at the edge1 ,i now became lost1 and absorbed into the being or existence of the universe4 ,i felt down deep into the earth under1 and high above into the sky1 and farther still to the sun and stars4 ,still farther beyond the stars into the hollow of space1 and losing thus my separateness of being came to seem like a part of the whole4 ,then ,i whisper-ed to the earth beneath1 through the grass and thyme1 down into the depth of its ear1 and again up to the starry space hid behind the blue of day4 ,travelling in an instant across the distant sea1 ,i saw as if with actual vision the palms and cocoanut trees1 the bamboos of ,india1 and the cedars of the extreme south4 ,like a lake with islands the ocean lay before me1 as clear and vivid as the plain beneath in the midst of the amphitheatre of hills4 ,with the glory of the great sea1 ,i said1 with the firm1 solid1 and sustaining earth2 the depth1 distance1 and expanse of ether2 the age1 tamelessness1 and ceaseless motion of the ocean2 the stars1 and the unknown in space2 by all those things which are most powerful known to me1 and by those which exist1 but of which ,i have no idea whatever1 ,i pray4 ,further1 by my own soul1 that secret existence which above all other things bears the nearest resemblance to the ideal of spirit1 infinitely nearer than earth1 sun1 or star4 ,speaking by an inclination towards1 not in words1 my soul prays that ,i may have something from each of these1 that ,i may gather a flower from them1 that ,i may have in myself the secret and meaning of the earth1 the golden sun1 the light1 the foam-flecked sea4 ,let my soul become enlarged2 ,i am not enough2 ,i am little and contemptible4 ,i desire a great-ness of soul1 an irradiance of mind1 a deeper insight1 a broader hope4 ,give me power of soul1 so that ,i may actually effect by its will that which ,i strive for4 ,in winter1 though ,i could not then rest on the grass1 or stay long enough to form any definite expression1 ,i still went up to the hill once now and then1 for it seemed that to merely visit the spot repeated all that ,i had previously said4 ,but it was not only then4 ,in summer ,i went out into the fields1 and let my soul inspire these thoughts under the trees1 standing against the trunk1 or looking up through the branches at the sky4 ,if trees could speak1 hundreds of them would say that ,i had had these soul-emotions under them4 ,leaning against the oak's massive trunk1 and feeling the rough bark and the lichen at my back1 looking southwards over the grassy fields1 cowslip-yellow1 at the woods on the slope1 ,i thought my desire of deeper soul-life4 ,or under the green firs1 looking upwards1 the sky was more deeply blue at their tops2 then the brake fern was unrolling1 the doves cooing1 the thickets astir1 the late ash-leaves coming forth4 ,under the shapely rounded elms1 by the hawthorn bushes and hazel1 everywhere the same deep desire for the soul-nature2 to have from all green things and from the sunlight the inner meaning which was not known to them1 that ,i might be full of light as the woods of the sun's rays4 ,just to touch the lichened bark of a tree1 or the end of a spray projecting over the path as ,i walked1 seemed to repeat the same prayer in me4 ,the long-lived summer days dried and warmed the turf in the meadows4 ,i used to lie down in solitary corners at full length on my back1 so as to feel the embrace of the earth4 ,the grass stood high above me1 and the shadows of the tree-branches danced on my face4 ,i looked up at the sky1 with half-closed eyes to bear the dazzling light4 ,bees buzzed over me1 sometimes a butterfly passed1 there was a hum in the air1 greenfinches sang in the hedge4 ,gradually entering into the intense life of the summer days--a life which burned around as if every grass blade and leaf were a torch--,i came to feel the long-drawn life of the earth back into the dimmest past1 while the sun of the moment was warm on me4 ,sesostris on the most ancient sands of the south1 in ancient1 ancient days1 was conscious of himself and of the sun4 ,this sunlight linked me through the ages to that past consciousness4 ,from all the ages my soul desired to take that soul-life which had flowed through them as the sunbeams had continually poured on earth4 ,as the hot sands take up the heat1 so would ,i take up that soul-energy4 ,dreamy in appearance1 ,i was breathing full of existence2 ,i was aware of the grass blades1 the flowers1 the leaves on hawthorn and tree4 ,i seemed to live more largely through them1 as if each were a pore through which ,i drank4 ,the grasshoppers called and leaped1 the greenfinches sang1 the blackbirds happily fluted1 all the air hummed with life4 ,i was plunged deep in existence1 and with all that existence ,i prayed4 ,through every grass blade in the thousand1 thousand grasses2 through the million leaves1 veined and edge-cut1 on bush and tree2 through the song-notes and the marked feathers of the birds2 through the insects' hum and the colour of the butterflies2 through the soft warm air1 the flecks of clouds dissolving--,i used them all for prayer4 ,with all the energy the sunbeams had poured unwearied on the earth since ,sesostris was conscious of them on the ancient sands2 with all the life that had been lived by vigorous man and beauteous woman since first in dearest ,greece the dream of the gods was woven2 with all the soul-life that had flowed a long stream down to me1 ,i prayed that ,i might have a soul more than equal to1 far beyond my conception of1 these things of the past1 the present1 and the fulness of all life4 ,not only equal to these1 but beyond1 higher1 and more powerful than ,i could imagine4 ,that ,i might take from all their energy1 grandeur1 and beauty1 and gather it into me4 ,that my soul might be more than the cosmos of life4 ,i prayed with the glowing clouds of sun-set and the soft light of the first star coming through the violet sky4 ,at night with the stars1 according to the season3 now with the ,pleiades1 now with the ,swan or burning ,sirius1 and broad ,orion's whole constellation1 red ,aldebaran1 ,arcturus1 and the ,northern ,crown2 with the morning star1 the light-bringer1 once now and then when ,i saw it1 a white-gold ball in the violet-purple sky1 or framed about with pale summer vapour floating away as red streaks shot horizontally in the east4 ,a diffused saffron ascended into the luminous upper azure4 ,the disk of the sun rose over the hill1 fluctuating with throbs of light2 his chest heaved in fervour of brilliance4 ,all the glory of the sunrise filled me with broader and furnace-like vehemence of prayer4 ,that ,i might have the deepest of soul-life1 the deepest of all1 deeper far than all this greatness of the visible universe and even of the invisible2 that ,i might have a fulness of soul till now unknown1 and utterly beyond my own conception4 ,in the deepest darkness of the night the same thought rose in my mind as in the bright light of noontide4 ,what is there which ,i have not used to strengthen the same emotion8 ,,chapter ,,ii ,sometimes ,i went to a deep1 narrow valley in the hills1 silent and solitary4 ,the sky crossed from side to side1 like a roof supported on two walls of green4 ,sparrows chirped in the wheat at the verge above1 their calls falling like the twittering of swallows from the air4 ,there was no other sound4 ,the short grass was dried grey as it grew by the heat2 the sun hung over the narrow vale as if it had been put there by hand4 ,burning1 burning1 the sun glowed on the sward at the foot of the slope where these thoughts burned into me4 ,how many1 many years1 how many cycles of years1 how many bundles of cycles of years1 had the sun glowed down thus on that hollow8 ,since it was formed how long8 ,since it was worn and shaped1 groove-like1 in the flanks of the hills by mighty forces which had ebbed4 ,alone with the sun which glowed on the work when it was done1 ,i saw back through space to the old time of tree-ferns1 of the lizard flying through the air1 the lizard-dragon wallowing in sea foam1 the mountainous creatures1 twice-elephantine1 feeding on land2 all the crooked sequence of life4 ,the dragon-fly which passed me traced a continuous descent from the fly marked on stone in those days4 ,the immense time lifted me like a wave rolling under a boat2 my mind seemed to raise itself as the swell of the cycles came2 it felt strong with the power of the ages4 ,with all that time and power ,i prayed3 that ,i might have in my soul the intellectual part of it2 the idea1 the thought4 ,like a shuttle the mind shot to and fro the past and the present1 in an instant4 ,full to the brim of the wondrous past1 ,i felt the wondrous present4 ,for the day--the very moment ,i breathed1 that second of time then in the valley1 was as marvellous1 as grand1 as all that had gone before4 ,now1 this moment was the wonder and the glory4 ,now1 this moment was exceedingly wonderful4 ,now1 this moment give me all the thought1 all the idea1 all the soul expressed in the cosmos around me4 ,give me still more1 for the interminable universe1 past and present1 is but earth2 give me the unknown soul1 wholly apart from it1 the soul of which ,i know only that when ,i touch the ground1 when the sunlight touches my hand1 it is not there4 ,therefore the heart looks into space to be away from earth4 ,with all the cycles1 and the sunlight streaming through them1 with all that is meant by the present1 ,i thought in the deep vale and prayed4 ,there was a secluded spring to which ,i sometimes went to drink the pure water1 lifting it in the hollow of my hand4 ,drinking the lucid water1 clear as light itself in solution1 ,i absorbed the beauty and purity of it4 ,i drank the thought of the element2 ,i desired soul-nature pure and limpid4 ,when ,i saw the sparkling dew on the grass--a rainbow broken into drops--it called up the same thought-prayer4 ,the stormy wind whose sudden twists laid the trees on the ground woke the same feeling2 my heart shouted with it4 ,the soft summer air which entered when ,i opened my window in the morning breathed the same sweet desire4 ,at night1 before sleeping1 ,i always looked out at the shadowy trees1 the hills looming indistinctly in the dark1 a star seen between the drifting clouds2 prayer of soul-life always4 ,i chose the highest room1 bare and gaunt1 because as ,i sat at work ,i could look out and see more of the wide earth1 more of the dome of the sky1 and could think my desire through these4 ,when the crescent of the new moon shone1 all the old thoughts were renewed4 ,all the succeeding incidents of the year repeated my prayer as ,i noted them4 ,the first green leaf on the hawthorn1 the first spike of meadow grass1 the first song of the nightingale1 the green ear of wheat4 ,i spoke it with the ear of wheat as the sun tinted it golden2 with the whitening barley2 again with the red gold spots of autumn on the beech1 the buff oak leaves1 and the gossamer dew-weighted4 ,all the larks over the green corn sang it for me1 all the dear swallows2 the green leaves rustled it2 the green brook flags waved it2 the swallows took it with them to repeat it for me in distant lands4 ,by the running brook ,i meditated it2 a flash of sunlight here in the curve1 a flicker yonder on the ripples1 the birds bathing in the sandy shallow1 the rush of falling water4 ,as the brook ran winding through the meadow1 so one thought ran winding through my days4 ,the sciences ,i studied never checked it for a moment2 nor did the books of old philosophy4 ,the sun was stronger than science2 the hills more than philosophy4 ,twice circumstances gave me a brief view of the sea then the passion rose tumultuous as the waves4 ,it was very bitter to me to leave the sea4 ,sometimes ,i spent the whole day walking over the hills searching for it2 as if the labour of walking would force it from the ground4 ,i remained in the woods for hours1 among the ash sprays and the fluttering of the ring-doves at their nests1 the scent of pines here and there1 dreaming my prayer4 ,my work was most uncongenial and useless1 but even then sometimes a gleam of sunlight on the wall1 the buzz of a bee at the window1 would bring the thought to me4 ,only to make me miserable1 for it was a waste of golden time while the rich sunlight streamed on hill and plain4 ,there was a wrenching of the mind1 a straining of the mental sinews2 ,i was forced to do this1 my mind was yonder4 ,weariness1 exhaustion1 nerve-illness often ensued4 ,the insults which are showered on poverty1 long struggle of labour1 the heavy pressure of circumstances1 the unhappiness1 only stayed the expression of the feeling4 ,it was always there4 ,often in the streets of ,london1 as the red sunset flamed over the houses1 the old thought1 the old prayer1 came4 ,not only in grassy fields with green leaf and running brook did this constant desire find renewal4 ,more deeply still with living human beauty2 the perfection of form1 the simple fact of form1 ravished and always will ravish me away4 ,in this lies the outcome and end of all the loveliness of sunshine and green leaf1 of flowers1 pure water1 and sweet air4 ,this is embodiment and highest ex-pression2 the scattered1 uncertain1 and designless loveliness of tree and sunlight brought to shape4 ,through this beauty ,i prayed deepest and longest1 and down to this hour4 ,the shape--the divine idea of that shape--the swelling muscle or the dreamy limb1 strong sinew or curve of bust1 ,aphrodite or ,hercules1 it is the same4 ,that ,i may have the soul-life1 the soul-nature1 let divine beauty bring to me divine soul4 ,swart ,nubian1 white ,greek1 delicate ,italian1 massive ,scandinavian1 in all the exquisite pleasure the form gave1 and gives1 to me immediately becomes intense prayer4 ,if ,i could have been in physical shape like these1 how despicable in comparison ,i am2 to be shapely of form is so infinitely beyond wealth1 power1 fame1 all that ambition can give1 that these are dust before it4 ,unless of the human form1 no pictures hold me2 the rest are flat surfaces4 ,so1 too1 with the other arts1 they are dead2 the potters1 the architects1 meaningless1 stony1 and some repellent1 like the cold touch of porcelain4 ,no prayer with these4 ,only the human form in art could raise it1 and most in statuary4 ,i have seen so little good statuary1 it is a regret to me2 still1 that ,i have is beyond all other art4 ,fragments here1 a bust yonder1 the broken pieces brought from ,greece1 copies1 plaster casts1 a memory of an ,aphrodite1 of a ,persephone1 of an ,apollo1 that is all2 but even drawings of statuary will raise the prayer4 ,these statues were like myself full of a thought1 for ever about to burst forth as a bud1 yet silent in the same attitude4 ,give me to live the soul-life they express4 ,the smallest fragment of marble carved in the shape of the human arm will wake the desire ,i felt in my hill-prayer4 ,time went on2 good fortune and success never for an instant deceived me that they were in themselves to be sought2 only my soul-thought was worthy4 ,further years bringing much suffering1 grinding the very life out2 new troubles1 renewed insults1 loss of what hard labour had earned1 the bitter question3 ,is it not better to leap into the sea8 ,these1 too1 have made no impression2 constant still to the former prayer my mind endures4 ,it was my chief regret that ,i had not endeavoured to write these things1 to give expression to this passion4 ,i am now trying1 but ,i see that ,i shall only in part succeed4 ,the same prayer comes to me at this very hour4 ,it is now less solely associated with the sun and sea1 hills1 woods1 or beauteous human shape4 ,it is always within4 ,it requires no waking2 no renewal2 it is always with me4 ,i am it2 the fact of my existence expresses it4 ,after a long interval ,i came to the hills again1 this time by the coast4 ,i found a deep hollow on the side of a great hill1 a green concave opening to the sea1 where ,i could rest and think in perfect quiet4 ,behind me were furze bushes dried by the heat2 immediately in front dropped the steep descent of the bowl-like hollow which received and brought up to me the faint sound of the summer waves4 ,yonder lay the immense plain of sea1 the palest green under the continued sunshine1 as though the heat had evaporated the colour from it2 there was no distinct horizon1 a heat-mist inclosed it and looked farther away than the horizon would have done4 ,silence and sunshine1 sea and hill gradually brought my mind into the condition of intense prayer4 ,day after day1 for hours at a time1 ,i came there1 my soul-desire always the same4 ,presently ,i began to consider how ,i could put a part of that prayer into form1 giving it an object4 ,could ,i bring it into such a shape as would admit of actually working upon the lines it indicated for any good8 ,one evening1 when the bright white star in ,lyra was shining almost at the zenith over me1 and the deep concave was the more profound in the dusk1 ,i formulated it into three divisions4 ,first1 ,i desired that ,i might do or find something to exalt the soul1 something to enable it to live its own life1 a more powerful existence now4 ,secondly1 ,i desired to be able to do something for the flesh1 to make a discovery or perfect a method by which the fleshly body might enjoy more pleasure1 longer life1 and suffer less pain4 ,thirdly1 to construct a more flexible engine with which to carry into execution the design of the will4 ,i called this the ,lyra prayer1 to distinguish it from the far deeper emotion in which the soul was alone concerned4 ,of the three divisions1 the last was of so little importance that it scarcely deserved to be named in conjunction with the others4 ,mechanism increases convenience--in no degree does it confer physical or moral perfection4 ,the rudimentary engines employed thousands of years ago in raising buildings were in that respect equal to the complicated machines of the present day4 ,control of iron and steel has not altered or improved the bodily man4 ,i even debated some time whether such a third division should be included at all4 ,our bodies are now conveyed all round the world with ease1 but obtain no advantage4 ,as they start so they return4 ,the most perfect human families of ancient times were almost stationary1 as those of ,greece4 ,perfection of form was found in ,sparta2 how small a spot compared to those continents over which we are now taken so quickly6 ,such perfection of form might perhaps again dwell1 contented and complete in itself1 on such a strip of land as ,i could see between me and the sand of the sea4 ,again1 a watch keeping correct time is no guarantee that the bearer shall not suffer pain4 ,the owner of the watch may be soulless1 without mind-fire1 a mere creature4 ,no benefit to the heart or to the body accrues from the most accurate mechanism4 ,hence ,i debated whether the third division should be included4 ,but ,i reflected that time cannot be put back on the dial1 we cannot return to ,sparta2 there is an existent state of things1 and existent multitudes2 and possibly a more powerful engine1 flexible to the will1 might give them that freedom which is the one1 and the one only1 political or social idea ,i possess4 ,for liberty1 therefore1 let it be included4 ,for the flesh1 this arm of mine1 the limbs of others gracefully moving1 let me find something that will give them greater perfection4 ,that the bones may be firmer1 somewhat larger if that would be an advantage1 certainly stronger1 that the cartilage and sinews may be more enduring1 and the muscles more powerful1 something after the manner of those ideal limbs and muscles sculptured of old1 these in the flesh and real4 ,that the organs of the body may be stronger in their action1 perfect1 and lasting4 ,that the exterior flesh may be yet more beautiful2 that the shape may be finer1 and the motions graceful4 ,these are the soberest words ,i can find1 purposely chosen2 for ,i am so rapt in the beauty of the human form1 and so earnestly1 so inexpressibly1 prayerful to see that form perfect1 that my full thought is not to be written4 ,unable to express it fully1 ,i have considered it best to put it in the simplest manner of words4 ,i believe in the human form2 let me find something1 some method1 by which that form may achieve the utmost beauty4 ,its beauty is like an arrow1 which may be shot any distance according to the strength of the bow4 ,so the idea expressed in the human shape is capable of indefinite expansion and elevation of beauty4 ,of the mind1 the inner consciousness1 the soul1 my prayer desired that ,i might discover a mode of life for it1 so that it might not only conceive of such a life1 but actually enjoy it on the earth4 ,i wished to search out a new and higher set of ideas on which the mind should work4 ,the simile of a new book of the soul is the nearest to convey the meaning--a book drawn from the present and future1 not the past4 ,instead of a set of ideas based on tradition1 let me give the mind a new thought drawn straight from the wondrous present1 direct this very hour4 ,next1 to furnish the soul with the means of executing its will1 of carrying thought into action4 ,in other words1 for the soul to become a power4 ,these three formed the ,lyra prayer1 of which the two first are immeasurably the in more important4 ,i believe in the human being1 mind and flesh2 form and soul4 ,it happened just afterwards that ,i went to ,pevensey1 and immediately the ancient wall swept my mind back seventeen hundred years to the eagle1 the pilum1 and the short sword4 ,the grey stones1 the thin red bricks laid by those whose eyes had seen ,csar's ,rome1 lifted me out of the grasp of house-life1 of modern civilisation1 of those minutiae which occupy the moment4 ,the grey stone made me feel as if ,i had existed from then till now1 so strongly did ,i enter into and see my own life as if reflected4 ,my own existence was focused back on me2 ,i saw its joy1 its unhappiness1 its birth1 its death1 its possibilities among the infinite1 above all its yearning ,question4 ,why8 ,seeing it thus clearly1 and lifted out of the moment by the force of seventeen centuries1 ,i recognised the full mystery and the depths of things in the roots of the dry grass on the wall1 in the green sea flowing near4 ,is there anything ,i can do8 ,the mystery and the possibilities are not in the roots of the grass1 nor is the depth of things in the sea2 they are in my existence1 in my soul4 ,the marvel of existence1 almost the terror of it1 was flung on me with crushing force by the sea1 the sun shining1 the distant hills4 ,with all their ponderous weight they made me feel myself3 all the time1 all the centuries made me feel myself this moment a hundred-fold4 ,i determined that ,i would endeavour to write what ,i had so long thought of1 and the same evening put down one sentence4 ,there the sentence remained two years4 ,i tried to carry it on2 ,i hesitated because ,i could not express it3 nor can ,i now1 though in desperation ,i am throwing these rude stones of thought together1 rude as those of the ancient wall4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,there were grass-grown tumuli on the hills to which of old ,i used to walk1 sit down at the foot of one of them1 and think4 ,some warrior had been interred there in the antehistoric times4 ,the sun of the summer morning shone on the dome of sward1 and the air came softly up from the wheat below1 the tips of the grasses swayed as it passed sighing faintly1 it ceased1 and the bees hummed by to the thyme and heathbells4 ,i became absorbed in the glory of the day1 the sunshine1 the sweet air1 the yellowing corn turning from its sappy green to summer's noon of gold1 the lark's song like a waterfall in the sky4 ,i felt at that moment that ,i was like the spirit of the man whose body was interred in the tumulus2 ,i could understand and feel his existence the same as my own4 ,he was as real to me two thousand years after interment as those ,i had seen in the body4 ,the abstract personality of the dead seemed as existent as thought4 ,as my thought could slip back the twenty centuries in a moment to the forest-days when he hurled the spear1 or shot with the bow1 hunting the deer1 and could return again as swiftly to this moment1 so his spirit could endure from then till now1 and the time was nothing4 ,two thousand years being a second to the soul could not cause its extinction4 ,it was no longer to the soul than my thought occupied to me4 ,recognising my own inner consciousness1 the psyche1 so clearly1 death did not seem to me to affect the personality4 ,in dissolution there was no bridgeless chasm1 no unfathomable gulf of separation2 the spirit did not immediately become inaccessible1 leaping at a bound to an immeasurable distance4 ,look at another person while living2 the soul is not visible1 only the body which it animates4 ,therefore1 merely because after death the soul is not visible is no demonstration that it does not still live4 ,the condition of being unseen is the same condition which occurs while the body is living1 so that intrinsically there is nothing exceptionable1 or supernatural1 in the life of the soul after death4 ,resting by the tumulus1 the spirit of the man who had been interred there was to me really alive1 and very close4 ,this was quite natural1 as natural and simple as the grass waving in the wind1 the bees humming1 and the larks' songs4 ,only by the strongest effort of the mind could ,i understand the idea of extinction2 that was supernatural1 requiring a miracle2 the immortality of the soul natural1 like earth4 ,listening to the sighing of the grass ,i felt immortality as ,i felt the beauty of the summer morning1 and ,i thought beyond immortality1 of other conditions1 more beautiful than existence1 higher than immortality4 ,that there is no knowing1 in the sense of written reasons1 whether the soul lives on or not1 ,i am fully aware4 ,i do not hope or fear4 ,at least while ,i am living ,i have enjoyed the idea of immortality1 and the idea of my own soul4 ,if then1 after death1 ,i am resolved without exception into earth1 air1 and water1 and the spirit goes out like a flame1 still ,i shall have had the glory of that thought4 ,it happened once that a man was drowned while bathing1 and his body was placed in an outhouse near the garden4 ,i passed the outhouse continually1 sometimes on purpose to think about it1 and it always seemed to me that the man was still living4 ,separation is not to be comprehended2 the spirit of the man did not appear to have gone to an in conceivable distance4 ,as my thought flashes itself back through the centuries to the luxury of ,canopus1 and can see the gilded couches of a city extinct1 so it slips through the future1 and immeasurable time in front is no boundary to it4 ,certainly the man was not dead to me4 ,sweetly the summer air came up to the tumulus1 the grass sighed softly1 the butterflies went by1 sometimes alighting on the green dome4 ,two thousand years6 ,summer after summer the blue butterflies had visited the mound1 the thyme had flowered1 the wind sighed in the grass4 ,the azure morning had spread its arms over the low tomb2 and full glowing noon burned on it2 the purple of sunset rosied the sward4 ,stars1 ruddy in the vapour of the southern horizon1 beamed at midnight through the mystic summer night1 which is dusky and yet full of light4 ,white mists swept up and hid it2 dews rested on the turf2 tender harebells drooped2 the wings of the finches fanned the air--finches whose colours faded from the wings how many centuries ago6 ,brown autumn dwelt in the woods beneath2 the rime of winter whitened the beech clump on the ridge2 again the buds came on the wind-blown hawthorn bushes1 and in the evening the broad constellation of ,orion covered the east4 ,two thousand times6 ,two thousand times the woods grew green1 and ring-doves built their nests4 ,day and night for two thousand years--light and shadow sweeping over the mound--two thousand years of labour by day and slumber by night4 ,mystery gleaming in the stars1 pouring down in the sunshine1 speaking in the night1 the wonder of the sun and of far space1 for twenty centuries round about this low and green-grown dome4 ,yet all that mystery and wonder is as nothing to the ,thought that lies therein1 to the spirit that ,i feel so close4 ,realising that spirit1 recognising my own inner consciousness1 the psyche1 so clearly1 ,i cannot understand time4 ,it is eternity now4 ,i am in the midst of it4 ,it is about me in the sunshine2 ,i am in it1 as the butterfly floats in the light-laden air4 ,nothing has to come2 it is now4 ,now is eternity2 now is the immortal life4 ,here this moment1 by this tumulus1 on earth1 now2 ,i exist in it4 ,the years1 the centuries1 the cycles are absolutely nothing2 it is only a moment since this tumulus was raised2 in a thousand years it will still be only a moment4 ,to the soul there is no past and no future2 all is and will be ever1 in now4 ,for artificial purposes time is mutually agreed on1 but is really no such thing4 ,the shadow goes on upon the dial1 the index moves round upon the clock1 and what is the difference8 ,none whatever4 ,if the clock had never been set going1 what would have been the difference8 ,there may be time for the clock1 the clock may make time for itself2 there is none for me4 ,i dip my hand in the brook and feel the stream2 in an instant the particles of water which first touched me have floated yards down the current1 my hand remains there4 ,i take my hand away1 and the flow--the time--of the brook does not exist to me4 ,the great clock of the firmament1 the sun and the stars1 the crescent moon1 the earth circling two thousand times1 is no more to me than the flow of the brook when my hand is withdrawn2 my soul has never been1 and never can be1 dipped in time4 ,time has never existed1 and never will2 it is a purely artificial arrangement4 ,it is eternity now1 it always was eternity1 and always will be4 ,by no possible means could ,i get into time if ,i tried4 ,i am in eternity now and must there remain4 ,haste not1 be at rest1 this ,now is eternity4 ,because the idea of time has left my mind--if ever it had any hold on it--to me the man interred in the tumulus is living now as ,i live4 ,we are both in eternity4 ,there is no separation-no past2 eternity1 the ,now1 is continuous4 ,when all the stars have revolved they only produce ,now again4 ,the continuity of ,now is for ever4 ,so that it appears to me purely natural1 and not super natural1 that the soul whose temporary frame was interred in this mound should be existing as ,i sit on the sward4 ,how infinitely deeper is thought than the million miles of the firmament6 ,the wonder is here1 not there2 now1 not to be1 now always4 ,things that have been miscalled supernatural appear to me simple1 more natural than nature1 than earth1 than sea1 or sun4 ,it is beyond telling more natural that ,i should have a soul than not1 that there should be immortality2 ,i think there is much more than immortality4 ,it is matter which is the supernatural1 and difficult of under-standing4 ,why this clod of earth ,i hold in my hand8 ,why this water which drops sparkling from my fingers dipped in the brook8 ,why are they at all8 ,when8 ,how8 ,what for8 ,matter is beyond understanding1 mysterious1 impenetrable2 ,i touch it easily1 comprehend it1 no4 ,soul1 mind--the thought1 the idea--is easily understood1 it understands itself and is conscious4 ,the supernatural miscalled1 the natural in truth1 is the real4 ,to me everything is supernatural4 ,how strange that condition of mind which cannot accept anything but the earth1 the sea1 the tangible universe6 ,without the misnamed supernatural these to me seem incomplete1 unfinished4 ,without soul all these are dead4 ,except when ,i walk by the sea1 and my soul is by it1 the sea is dead4 ,those seas by which no man has stood--which no soul has been--whether on earth or the planets1 are dead4 ,no matter how majestic the planet rolls in space1 unless a soul be there it is dead4 ,as ,i move about in the sunshine ,i feel in the midst of the supernatural3 in the midst of immortal things4 ,it is impossible to wrest the mind down to the same laws that rule pieces of timber1 water1 or earth4 ,they do not control the soul1 however rigidly they may bind matter4 ,so full am ,i always of a sense of the immortality now at this moment round about me1 that it would not surprise me in the least if a circumstance outside physical experience occurred4 ,it would seem to me quite natural4 ,give the soul the power it conceives1 and there would be nothing wonderful in it4 ,i can see nothing astonishing in what are called miracles4 ,only those who are mesmerised by matter can find a difficulty in such events4 ,i am aware that the evidence for miracles is logically and historically untrustworthy2 ,i am not defending recorded miracles4 ,my point is that in principle ,i see no reason at all why they should not take place this day4 ,i do not even say that there are or ever have been miracles1 but ,i maintain that they would be perfectly natural4 ,the wonder rather is that they do not happen frequently4 ,consider the limitless conceptions of the soul3 let it possess but the power to realise those conceptions for one hour1 and how little1 how trifling would be the helping of the injured or the sick to regain health and happiness--merely to think it4 ,a soul-work would require but a thought4 ,soul-work is an expression better suited to my meaning than 8miracle10 a term like others into which a special sense has been infused4 ,when ,i consider that ,i dwell this moment in the eternal ,now that has ever been and will be1 that ,i am in the midst of immortal things this moment1 that there probably are ,souls as infinitely superior to mine as mine to a piece of timber1 what then1 pray1 is a 8miracle08 ,as commonly understood1 a 8miracle0 is a mere nothing4 ,i can conceive soul-works done by simple will or thought a thousand times greater4 ,i marvel that they do not happen this moment4 ,the air1 the sunlight1 the night1 all that surrounds me seems crowded with inexpressible powers1 with the influence of ,souls1 or existences1 so that ,i walk in the midst of immortal things4 ,i myself am a living witness of it4 ,sometimes ,i have concentrated myself1 and driven away by continued will all sense of outward appearances1 looking straight with the full power of my mind inwards on myself4 ,i find 8,i0 am there2 an 8,i0 ,i do not wholly understand1 or know--something is there distinct from earth and timber1 from flesh and bones4 ,recognising it1 ,i feel on the margin of a life unknown1 very near1 almost touching it3 on the verge of powers which if ,i could grasp would give me an immense breadth of existence1 an ability to execute what ,i now only conceive2 most probably of far more than that4 ,to see that 8,i0 is to know that ,i am surrounded with immortal things4 ,if1 when ,i die1 that 8,i0 also dies1 and becomes extinct1 still even then ,i have had the exaltation of these ideas4 ,how many words it has taken to describe so briefly the feelings and the thoughts that came to me by the tumulus2 thoughts that swept past and were gone1 and were succeeded by others while yet the shadow of the mound had not moved from one thyme flower to another1 not the breadth of a grass blade4 ,softly breathed the sweet south wind1 gently the yellow corn waved beneath2 the ancient1 ancient sun shone on the fresh grass and the flower1 my heart opened wide as the broad1 broad earth4 ,i spread my arms out1 laying them on the sward1 seizing the grass1 to take the fulness of the days4 ,could ,i have my own way after death ,i would be burned on a pyre of pine-wood1 open to the air1 and placed on the summit of the hills4 ,then let my ashes be scattered abroad--not collected in an urn--freely sown wide and broadcast4 ,that is the natural interment of man--of man whose ,thought at least has been among the immortals2 interment in the elements4 ,burial is not enough1 it does not give sufficient solution into the elements speedily2 a furnace is confined4 ,the high open air of the topmost hill1 there let the tawny flame lick up the fragment called the body2 there cast the ashes into the space it longed for while living4 ,such a luxury of interment is only for the wealthy2 ,i fear ,i shall not be able to afford it4 ,else the smoke of my resolution into the elements should certainly arise in time on the hill-top4 ,the silky grass sighs as the wind comes carrying the blue butterfly more rapidly than his wings4 ,a large humble-bee burrs round the green dome against which ,i rest2 my hands are scented with thyme4 ,the sweetness of the day1 the fulness of the earth1 the beauteous earth1 how shall ,i say it8 ,three things only have been discovered of that which concerns the inner consciousness since before written history began4 ,three things only in twelve thousand written1 or sculptured1 years1 and in the dumb1 dim time before then4 ,three ideas the ,cavemen primeval wrested from the unknown1 the night which is round us still in daylight--the existence of the soul1 immortality1 the deity4 ,these things found1 prayer followed as a sequential result4 ,since then nothing further has been found in all the twelve thousand years1 as if men had been satisfied and had found these to suffice4 ,they do not suffice me4 ,i desire to advance further1 and to wrest a fourth1 and even still more than a fourth1 from the darkness of thought4 ,i want more ideas of soul-life4 ,i am certain that there are more yet to be found4 ,a great life--an entire civilisation--lies just outside the pale of common thought4 ,cities and countries1 inhabitants1 intelligences1 culture--an entire civilisation4 ,except by illustrations drawn from familiar things1 there is no way of indicating a new idea4 ,i do not mean actual cities1 actual civilisation4 ,such life is different from any yet imagined4 ,a nexus of ideas exists of which nothing is known--a vast system of ideas--a cosmos of thought4 ,there is an ,entity1 a ,soul-,entity1 as yet unrecognised4 ,these1 rudely expressed1 constitute my ,fourth ,idea4 ,it is beyond1 or beside1 the three discovered by the ,cavemen2 it is in addition to the existence of the soul2 in addition to immortality2 and beyond the idea of the deity4 ,i think there is something more than existence4 ,there is an immense ocean over which the mind can sail1 upon which the vessel of thought has not yet been launched4 ,i hope to launch it4 ,the mind of so many thousand years has worked round and round inside the circle of these three ideas as a boat on an inland lake4 ,let us haul it over the belt of land1 launch on the ocean1 and sail outwards4 ,there is so much beyond all that has ever yet been imagined4 ,as ,i write these words1 in the very moment1 ,i feel that the whole air1 the sunshine out yonder lighting up the ploughed earth1 the distant sky1 the circumambient ether1 and that far space1 is full of soul-secrets1 soul-life1 things outside the experience of all the ages4 ,the fact of my own existence as ,i write1 as ,i exist at this second1 is so marvellous1 so miracle-like1 strange1 and supernatural to me1 that ,i unhesitatingly conclude ,i am always on the margin of life illimitable1 and that there are higher conditions than existence4 ,everything around is supernatural2 everything so full of unexplained meaning4 ,twelve thousand years since the ,caveman stood at the mouth of his cavern and gazed out at the night and the stars4 ,he looked again and saw the sun rise beyond the sea4 ,he reposed in the noontide heat under the shade of the trees1 he closed his eyes and looked into himself4 ,he was face to face with the earth1 the sun1 the night2 face to face with himself4 ,there was nothing between2 no wall of written tradition2 no built up system of culture--his naked mind was confronted by naked earth4 ,he made three idea-discoveries1 wresting them from the unknown2 the existence of his soul1 immortality1 the deity4 ,now1 to-day1 as ,i write1 ,i stand in exactly the same position as the ,caveman4 ,written tradition1 systems of culture1 modes of thought1 have for me no existence4 ,if ever they took any hold of my mind it must have been very slight2 they have long ago been erased4 ,from earth and sea and sun1 from night1 the stars1 from day1 the trees1 the hills1 from my own soul--from these ,i think4 ,i stand this moment at the mouth of the ancient cave1 face to face with nature1 face to face with the supernatural1 with myself4 ,my naked mind confronts the unknown4 ,i see as clearly as the noonday that this is not all2 ,i see other and higher conditions than existence2 ,i see not only the existence of the soul1 immortality1 but1 in addition1 ,i realise a soul-life illimitable2 ,i realise the existence of a cosmos of thought2 ,i realise the existence of an inexpressible entity infinitely higher than deity4 ,i strive to give utterance to a ,fourth ,idea4 ,the very idea that there is another idea is something gained4 ,the three found by the ,cavemen are but stepping-stones3 first links of an endless chain4 ,at the mouth of the ancient cave1 face to face with the unknown1 they prayed4 ,prone in heart to-day ,i pray1 ,give me the deepest soul-life4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,the wind sighs through the grass1 sighs in the sunshine2 it has drifted the butterfly eastwards along the hill4 ,a few yards away there lies the skull of a lamb on the turf1 white and bleached1 picked clean long since by crows and ants4 ,like the faint ripple of the summer sea sounding in the hollow of the ear1 so the sweet air ripples in the grass4 ,the ashes of the man interred in the tumulus are indistinguishable2 they have sunk away like rain into the earth2 so his body has disappeared4 ,i am under no delusion2 ,i am fully aware that no demonstration can be given of the three stepping-stones of the ,cavemen4 ,the soul is inscrutable2 it is not in evidence to show that it exists2 immortality is not tangible4 ,full well ,i know that reason and knowledge and experience tend to disprove all three2 that experience denies answer to prayer4 ,i am under no delusion whatever2 ,i grasp death firmly in conception as ,i can grasp this bleached bone2 utter extinction1 annihilation4 ,that the soul is a product at best of organic composition2 that it goes out like a flame4 ,this may be the end2 my soul may sink like rain into the earth and disappear4 ,wind and earth1 sea1 and night and day1 what then8 ,let my soul be but a product1 what then8 ,i say it is nothing to me2 this only ,i know1 that while ,i have lived--now1 this moment1 while ,i live--,i think immortality1 ,i lift my mind to a ,fourth ,idea4 ,if ,i pass into utter oblivion1 yet ,i have had that4 ,the original three ideas of the ,cavemen became encumbered with superstition2 ritual grew up1 and ceremony1 and long ranks of souls were painted on papyri waiting to be weighed in the scales1 and to be punished or rewarded4 ,these cobwebs grotesque have sullied the original discoveries and cast them into discredit4 ,erase them altogether1 and consider only the underlying principles4 ,the principles do not go far enough1 but ,i shall not discard all of them for that4 ,even supposing the pure principles to be illusions1 and annihilation the end1 even then it is better--it is something gained to have thought them4 ,thought is life2 to have thought them is to have lived them4 ,accepting two of them as true in principle1 then ,i say that these are but the threshold4 ,for twelve thousand years no effort has been made to get beyond that threshold4 ,these are but the primer of soul-life2 the merest hieroglyphics chipped out1 a little shape given to the unknown4 ,not to-morrow but to-day4 ,not the to-morrow of the tumulus1 the hour of the sunshine now4 ,this moment give me to live soul-life1 not only after death4 ,now is eternity1 now ,i am in the midst of immortality2 now the supernatural crowds around me4 ,open my mind1 give my soul to see1 let me live it now on earth1 while ,i hear the burring of the larger bees1 the sweet air in the grass1 and watch the yellow wheat wave beneath me4 ,sun and earth and sea1 night and day--these are the least of things4 ,give me soul-life4 ,there is nothing human in nature4 ,the earth1 though loved so dearly1 would let me perish on the ground1 and neither bring forth food nor water4 ,burning in the sky the great sun1 of whose company ,i have been so fond1 would merely burn on and make no motion to assist me4 ,those who have been in an open boat at sea without water have proved the mercies of the sun1 and of the deity who did not give them one drop of rain1 dying in misery under the same rays that smile so beautifully on the flowers4 ,in the south the sun is the enemy2 night and coolness and rain are the friends of man4 ,as for the sea1 it offers us salt water which we cannot drink4 ,the trees care nothing for us2 the hill ,i visited so often in days gone by has not missed me4 ,the sun scorches man1 and willing his naked state roast him alive4 ,the sea and the fresh water alike make no effort to uphold him if his vessel founders2 he casts up his arms in vain1 they come to their level over his head1 filling the spot his body occupied4 ,if he falls from a cliff the air parts2 the earth beneath dashes him to pieces4 ,water he can drink1 but it is not produced for him2 how many thousands have perished for want of it8 ,some fruits are produced which he can eat1 but they do not produce themselves for him2 merely for the purpose of continuing their species4 ,in wild1 tropical countries1 at the first glance there appears to be some consideration for him1 but it is on the surface only4 ,the lion pounces on him1 the rhinoceros crushes him1 the serpent bites1 insects torture1 diseases rack him4 ,disease worked its dreary will even among the flower-crowned ,polynesians4 ,returning to our own country1 this very thyme which scents my fingers did not grow for that purpose1 but for its own4 ,so does the wheat beneath2 we utilise it1 but its original and native purpose was for itself4 ,by night it is the same as by day2 the stars care not1 they pursue their courses revolving1 and we are nothing to them4 ,there is nothing human in the whole round of nature4 ,all nature1 all the universe that we can see1 is absolutely indifferent to us1 and except to us human life is of no more value than grass4 ,if the entire human race perished at this hour1 what difference would it make to the earth8 ,what would the earth care8 ,as much as for the extinct dodo1 or for the fate of the elephant now going4 ,on the contrary1 a great part1 perhaps the whole1 of nature and of the universe is distinctly anti-human4 ,the term inhuman does not express my meaning1 anti-human is better2 outre-human1 in the sense of beyond1 outside1 almost grotesque in its attitude towards1 would nearly convey it4 ,everything is anti-human4 ,how extraordinary1 strange1 and incomprehensible are the creatures captured out of the depths of the sea6 ,the distorted fishes2 the ghastly cuttles2 the hideous eel-like shapes2 the crawling shell-encrusted things2 the centipede-like beings2 monstrous forms1 to see which gives a shock to the brain4 ,they shock the mind because they exhibit an absence of design4 ,there is no idea in them4 ,they have no shape1 form1 grace1 or purpose2 they call up a vague sense of chaos1 chaos which the mind revolts from4 ,it would be a relief to the thought if they ceased to be1 and utterly disappeared from the sea4 ,they are not inimical of intent towards man1 not even the shark2 but there the shark is1 and that is enough4 ,these miserably hideous things of the sea are not anti-human in the sense of persecution1 they are outside1 they are ultra and beyond4 ,it is like looking into chaos1 and it is vivid because these creatures1 interred alive a hundred fathoms deep1 are seldom seen2 so that the mind sees them as if only that moment they had come into existence4 ,use has not habituated it to them1 so that their anti-human character is at once apparent1 and stares at us with glassy eye4 ,but it is the same in reality with the creatures on the earth4 ,there are some of these even now to which use has not accustomed the mind4 ,such1 for instance1 as the toad4 ,at its shapeless shape appearing in an unexpected corner many people start and exclaim4 ,they are aware that they shall receive no injury from it1 yet it affrights them1 it sends a shock to the mind4 ,the reason lies in its obviously anti-human character4 ,all the designless1 formless chaos of chance-directed matter1 without idea or human plan1 squats there embodied in the pathway4 ,by watching the creature1 and convincing the mind from observation that it is harmless1 and even has uses1 the horror wears away4 ,but still remains the form to which the mind can never reconcile itself4 ,carved in wood it is still repellent4 ,or suddenly there is a rustle like a faint hiss in the grass1 and a green snake glides over the bank4 ,the breath in the chest seems to lose its vitality2 for an instant the nerves refuse to transmit the force of life4 ,the gliding yellow-streaked worm is so utterly opposed to the ever present ,idea in the mind4 ,custom may reduce the horror1 but no long pondering can ever bring that creature within the pale of the human ,idea4 ,these are so distinctly opposite and anti-human that thousands of years have not sufficed to soften their outline4 ,various insects and creeping creatures excite the same sense in lesser degrees4 ,animals and birds in general do not4 ,the tiger is dreaded1 but causes no disgust4 ,the exception is in those that feed on offal4 ,horses and dogs we love2 we not only do not recognise anything opposite in them1 we come to love them4 ,they are useful to us1 they show more or less sympathy with us1 they possess1 especially the horse1 a certain grace of movement4 ,a gloss1 as it were1 is thrown over them by these attributes and by familiarity4 ,the shape of the horse to the eye has become conventional3 it is accepted4 ,yet the horse is not in any sense human4 ,could we look at it suddenly1 without previous acquaintance1 as at strange fishes in a tank1 the ultra-human character of the horse would be apparent4 ,it is the curves of the neck and body that carry the horse past without adverse comment4 ,examine the hind legs in detail1 and the curious backward motion1 the shape and anti-human curves become apparent4 ,dogs take us by their intelligence1 but they have no hand2 pass the hand over the dog's head1 and the shape of the skull to the sense of feeling is almost as repellent as the form of the toad to the sense of sight4 ,we have gradually gathered around us all the creatures that are less markedly anti-human1 horses and dogs and birds1 but they are still themselves4 ,they originally existed like the wheat1 for themselves2 we utilise them1 but they are not of us4 ,there is nothing human in any living animal4 ,all nature1 the universe as far as we see1 is anti- or ultra-human1 outside1 and has no concern with man4 ,these things are unnatural to him4 ,by no course of reasoning1 however tortuous1 can nature and the universe be fitted to the mind4 ,nor can the mind be fitted to the cosmos4 ,my mind cannot be twisted to it2 ,i am separate altogether from these designless things4 ,the soul cannot be wrested down to them4 ,the laws of nature are of no importance to it4 ,i refuse to be bound by the laws of the tides1 nor am ,i so bound4 ,though bodily swung round on this rotating globe1 my mind always remains in the centre4 ,no tidal law1 no rotation1 no gravitation can control my thought4 ,centuries of thought have failed to reconcile and fit the mind to the universe1 which is designless1 and purposeless1 and without idea4 ,i will not endeavour to fit my thought to it any longer2 ,i find and believe myself to be distinct--separate2 and ,i will labour in earnest to obtain the highest culture for myself4 ,as these natural things have no connection with man1 it follows again that the natural is the strange and mysterious1 and the supernatural the natural4 ,there being nothing human in nature or the universe1 and all things being ultra-human and without design1 shape1 or purpose1 ,i conclude that1 no deity has anything to do with nature4 ,there is no god in nature1 nor in any matter anywhere1 either in the clods on the earth or in the composition of the stars4 ,for what we understand by the deity is the purest form of ,idea1 of ,mind1 and no mind is exhibited in these4 ,that which controls them is distinct altogether from deity4 ,it is not force in the sense of electricity1 nor a deity as god1 nor a spirit1 not even an intelligence1 but a power quite different to anything yet imagined4 ,i cease1 therefore1 to look for deity in nature or the cosmos at large1 or to trace any marks of divine handiwork4 ,i search for traces of this force which is not god1 and is certainly not the higher than deity of whom ,i have written4 ,it is a force without a mind4 ,i wish to indicate something more subtle than electricity1 but absolutely devoid of consciousness1 and with no more feeling than the force which lifts the tides4 ,next1 in human affairs1 in the relations of man with man1 in the conduct of life1 in the events that occur1 in human affairs generally everything happens by chance4 ,no prudence in conduct1 no wisdom or foresight can effect anything1 for the most trivial circumstance will upset the deepest plan of the wisest mind4 ,as ,xenophon observed in old times1 wisdom is like casting dice and determining your course by the number that appears4 ,virtue1 humanity1 the best and most beautiful conduct is wholly in vain4 ,the history of thousands of years demonstrates it4 ,in all these years there is no more moving instance on record than that of ,danae1 when she was dragged to the precipice1 two thousand years ago4 ,sophron was governor of ,ephesus1 and ,laodice plotted to assassinate him4 ,danae discovered the plot1 and warned ,sophron1 who fled1 and saved his life4 ,laodice--the murderess in intent--had ,danae seized and cast from a cliff4 ,on the verge ,danae said that some persons despised the deity1 and they might now prove the justice of their contempt by her fate4 ,for having saved the man who was to her as a husband1 she was rewarded in this way with cruel death by the deity1 but ,laodice was advanced to honour4 ,the bitterness of these words remains to this hour4 ,in truth the deity1 if responsible for such a thing1 or for similar things which occur now1 should be despised4 ,one must always despise the fatuous belief in such a deity4 ,but as everything in human affairs obviously happens by chance1 it is clear that no deity is responsible4 ,if the deity guides chance in that manner1 then let the deity be despised4 ,apparently the deity does not interfere1 and all things happen by chance4 ,i cease1 therefore1 to look for traces of the deity in life1 because no such traces exist4 ,i conclude that there is an existence1 a something higher than soul--higher1 better1 and more perfect than deity4 ,earnestly ,i pray to find this something better than a god4 ,there is something superior1 higher1 more good4 ,for this ,i search1 labour1 think1 and pray4 ,if after all there be nothing1 and my soul has to go out like a flame1 yet even then ,i have thought this while it lives4 ,with the whole force of my existence1 with the whole force of my thought1 mind1 and soul1 ,i pray to find this ,highest ,soul1 this greater than deity1 this better than god4 ,give me to live the deepest soul-life now and always with this ,soul4 ,for want of words ,i write soul1 but ,i think that it is something beyond soul4 ,,chapter ,v ,it is not possible to narrate these incidents of the mind in strict order4 ,i must now return to a period earlier than anything already narrated1 and pass in review other phases of my search from then up till recently4 ,so long since that ,i have forgotten the date1 ,i used every morning to visit a spot where ,i could get a clear view of the east4 ,immediately on rising ,i went out to some elms2 thence ,i could see across the dewy fields to the distant hill over or near which the sun rose4 ,these elms partially hid me1 for at that time ,i had a dislike to being seen1 feeling that ,i should be despised if ,i was noticed4 ,this happened once or twice1 and ,i knew ,i was watched contemptuously1 though no one had the least idea of my object4 ,but ,i went every morning1 and was satisfied if ,i could get two or three minutes to think unchecked4 ,often ,i saw the sun rise over the line of the hills1 but if it was summer the sun had been up a long time4 ,i looked at the hills1 at the dewy grass1 and then up through the elm branches to the sky4 ,in a moment all that was behind me1 the house1 the people1 the sounds1 seemed to disappear1 and to leave me alone4 ,involuntarily ,i drew a long breath1 then ,i breathed slowly4 ,my thought1 or inner consciousness1 went up through the illumined sky1 and ,i was lost in a moment of exaltation4 ,this only lasted a very short time1 perhaps only part of a second1 and while it lasted there was no formulated wish4 ,i was absorbed2 ,i drank the beauty of the morning2 ,i was exalted4 ,when it ceased ,i did wish for some increase or enlargement of my existence to correspond with the largeness of feeling ,i had momentarily enjoyed4 ,sometimes the wind came through the tops of the elms1 and the slender boughs bent1 and gazing up through them1 and beyond the fleecy clouds1 ,i felt lifted up4 ,the light coming across the grass and leaving itself on the dew-drops1 the sound of the wind1 and the sense of mounting to the lofty heaven1 filled me with a deep sigh1 a wish to draw something out of the beauty of it1 some part of that which caused my admiration1 the subtle inner essence4 ,sometimes the green tips of the highest boughs seemed gilded1 the light laid a gold on the green4 ,or the trees bowed to a stormy wind roaring through them1 the grass threw itself down1 and in the east broad curtains of a rosy tint stretched along4 ,the light was turned to redness in the vapour1 and rain hid the summit of the hill4 ,in the rush and roar of the stormy wind the same exaltation1 the same desire1 lifted me for a moment4 ,i went there every morning1 ,i could not exactly define why2 it was like going to a rose bush to taste the scent of the flower and feel the dew from its petals on the lips4 ,but ,i desired the beauty--the inner subtle meaning--to be in me1 that ,i might have it1 and with it an existence of a higher kind4 ,later on ,i began to have daily pilgrimages to think these things4 ,there was a feeling that ,i must go somewhere1 and be alone4 ,it was a necessity to have a few minutes of this separate life every day2 my mind required to live its own life apart from other things4 ,a great oak at a short distance was one resort1 and sitting on the grass at the roots1 or leaning against the trunk and looking over the quiet meadows towards the bright southern sky1 ,i could live my own life a little while4 ,behind the trunk ,i was alone2 ,i liked to lean against it2 to touch the lichen on the rough bark4 ,high in the wood of branches the birds were not alarmed2 they sang1 or called1 and passed to and fro happily4 ,the wind moved the leaves1 and they replied to it softly2 and now at this distance of time ,i can see the fragments of sky up through the boughs4 ,bees were always humming in the green field2 ring-doves went over swiftly1 flying for the woods4 ,of the sun ,i was conscious2 ,i could not look at it1 but the boughs held back the beams so that ,i could feel the sun's presence pleasantly4 ,they shaded the sun1 yet let me know that it was there4 ,there came to me a delicate1 but at the same time a deep1 strong1 and sensuous enjoyment of the beautiful green earth1 the beautiful sky and sun2 ,i felt them1 they gave me inexpressible delight1 as if they embraced and poured out their love upon me4 ,it was ,i who loved them1 for my heart was broader than the earth2 it is broader now than even then1 more thirsty and desirous4 ,after the sensuous enjoyment always came the thought1 the desire3 ,that ,i might be like this2 that ,i might have the inner meaning of the sun1 the light1 the earth1 the trees and grass1 translated into some growth of excellence in myself1 both of body and of mind2 greater perfection of physique1 greater perfection of mind and soul2 that ,i might be higher in myself4 ,to this oak ,i came daily for a long time2 sometimes only for a minute1 for just to view the spot was enough4 ,in the bitter cold of spring1 when the north wind blackened everything1 ,i used to come now and then at night to look from under the bare branches at the splendour of the southern sky4 ,the stars burned with brilliance1 broad ,orion and flashing ,sirius--there are more or brighter constellations visible then than all the year3 and the clearness of the air and the blackness of the sky--black1 not clouded--let them gleam in their fulness4 ,they lifted me--they gave me fresh vigour of soul4 ,not all that the stars could have given1 had they been destinies1 could have satiated me4 ,this1 all this1 and more1 ,i wanted in myself4 ,there was a place a mile or so along the road where the hills could be seen much better2 ,i went there frequently to think the same thought4 ,another spot was by an elm1 a very short walk1 where openings in the trees1 and the slope of the ground1 brought the hills well into view4 ,this too1 was a favourite thinking-place4 ,another was a wood1 half an hour's walk distant1 through part of which a rude track went1 so that it was not altogether inclosed4 ,the ash-saplings1 and the trees1 the firs1 the hazel bushes--to be among these enabled me to be myself4 ,from the buds of spring to the berries of autumn1 ,i always liked to be there4 ,sometimes in spring there was a sheen of blue-bells covering acres2 the doves cooed2 the blackbirds whistled sweetly2 there was a taste of green things in the air4 ,but it was the tall firs that pleased me most2 the glance rose up the flame-shaped fir-tree1 tapering to its green tip1 and above was the azure sky4 ,by aid of the tree ,i felt the sky more4 ,by aid of everything beautiful ,i felt myself1 and in that intense sense of consciousness prayed for greater perfection of soul and body4 ,afterwards1 ,i walked almost daily more than two miles along the road to a spot where the hills began1 where from the first rise the road could be seen winding southwards over the hills1 open and uninclosed4 ,i paused a minute or two by a clump of firs1 in whose branches the wind always sighed--there is always a movement of the air on a hill4 ,southwards the sky was illumined by the sun1 southwards the clouds moved across the opening or pass in the amphitheatre1 and southwards1 though far distant1 was the sea4 ,there ,i could think a moment4 ,these pilgrimages gave me a few sacred minutes daily2 the moment seemed holy when the thought or desire came in its full force4 ,a time came when1 having to live in a town1 these pilgrimages had to be suspended4 ,the wearisome work on which ,i was engaged would not permit of them4 ,but ,i used to look now and then1 from a window1 in the evening at a birch-tree at some distance2 its graceful boughs drooped across the glow of the sunset4 ,the thought was not suspended2 it lived in me always4 ,a bitterer time still came when it was necessary to be separated from those ,i loved4 ,there is little indeed in the more immediate suburbs of ,london to gratify the sense of the beautiful4 ,yet there was a cedar by which ,i used to walk up and down1 and think the same thoughts as under the great oak in the solitude of the sunlit meadows4 ,in the course of slow time happier circumstances brought us together again1 and1 though near ,london1 at a spot where there was easy access to meadows and woods4 ,hills that purify those who walk on them there were not4 ,still ,i thought my old thoughts4 ,i was much in ,london1 and1 engagements completed1 ,i wandered about in the same way as in the woods of former days4 ,from the stone bridges ,i looked down on the river2 the gritty dust1 the straws that lie on the bridges1 flew up and whirled round with every gust from the flowing tide2 gritty dust that settles in the nostrils and on the lips1 the very residuum of all that is repulsive in the greatest city of the world4 ,the noise of the traffic and the constant pressure from the crowds passing1 their incessant and disjointed talk1 could not distract me4 ,one moment at least ,i had1 a moment when ,i thought of the push of the great sea forcing the water to flow under the feet of these crowds1 the distant sea strong and splendid2 when ,i saw the sunlight gleam on the tidal wavelets2 when ,i felt the wind1 and was conscious of the earth1 the sea1 the sun1 the air1 the immense forces working on1 while the city hummed by the river4 ,nature was deepened by the crowds and foot-worn stones4 ,if the tide had ebbed1 and the masts of the vessels were tilted as the hulls rested on the shelving mud1 still even the blackened mud did not prevent me seeing the water as water flowing to the sea4 ,the sea had drawn down1 and the wavelets washing the strand here as they hastened were running the faster to it4 ,eastwards from ,london ,bridge the river raced to the ocean4 ,the bright morning sun of summer heated the eastern parapet of ,london ,bridge2 ,i stayed in the recess to acknowledge it4 ,the smooth water was a broad sheen of light1 the built-up river flowed calm and silent by a thousand doors1 rippling only where the stream chafed against a chain4 ,red pennants drooped1 gilded vanes gleamed on polished masts1 black-pitched hulls glistened like a black rook's feathers in sunlight2 the clear air cut out the forward angles of the warehouses1 the shadowed wharves were quiet in shadows that carried light2 far down the ships that were hauling out moved in repose1 and with the stream floated away into the summer mist4 ,there was a faint blue colour in the air hovering between the built-up banks1 against the lit walls1 in the hollows of the houses4 ,the swallows wheeled and climbed1 twittered and glided downwards4 ,burning on1 the great sun stood in the sky1 heating the parapet1 glowing steadfastly upon me as when ,i rested in the narrow valley grooved out in prehistoric times4 ,burning on steadfast1 and ever present as my thought4 ,lighting the broad river1 the broad walls2 lighting the least speck of dust2 lighting the great heaven2 gleaming on my finger-nail4 ,the fixed point of day--the sun4 ,i was intensely conscious of it2 ,i felt it2 ,i felt the presence of the immense powers of the universe2 ,i felt out into the depths of the ether4 ,so intensely conscious of the sun1 the sky1 the limitless space1 ,i felt too in the midst of eternity then1 in the midst of the supernatural1 among the immortal1 and the greatness of the material realised the spirit4 ,by these ,i saw my soul2 by these ,i knew the supernatural to be more intensely real than the sun4 ,i touched the supernatural1 the immortal1 there that moment4 ,when1 weary of walking on the pavements1 ,i went to rest in the ,national ,gallery1 ,i sat and rested before one or other of the human pictures4 ,i am not a picture lover3 they are flat surfaces1 but those that ,i call human are nevertheless beautiful4 ,the knee in ,daphnis and ,chloe and the breast are like living things2 they draw the heart towards them1 the heart must love them4 ,i lived in looking2 without beauty there is no life for me1 the divine beauty of flesh is life itself to me4 ,the shoulder in the ,surprise1 the rounded rise of the bust1 the exquisite tints of the ripe skin1 momentarily gratified the sea-thirst in me4 ,for ,i thirst with all the thirst of the salt sea1 and the sun-heated sands dry for the tide1 with all the sea ,i thirst for beauty4 ,and ,i know full well that one lifetime1 however long1 cannot fill my heart4 ,my throat and tongue and whole body have often been parched and feverish dry with this measureless thirst1 and again moist to the fingers' ends like a sappy bough4 ,it burns in me as the sun burns in the sky4 ,the glowing face of ,cytherea in ,titian's ,venus and ,adonis1 the heated cheek1 the lips that kiss each eye that gazes on them1 the desiring glance1 the golden hair--sunbeams moulded into features--this face answered me4 ,juno's wide back and mesial groove1 is any thing so lovely as the back8 ,cythereals poised hips unveiled for judgment2 these called up the same thirst ,i felt on the green sward in the sun1 on the wild beach listening to the quiet sob as the summer wave drank at the land4 ,i will search the world through for beauty4 ,i came here and sat to rest before these in the days when ,i could not afford to buy so much as a glass of ale1 weary and faint from walking on stone pavements4 ,i came later on1 in better times1 often straight from labours which though necessary will ever be distasteful1 always to rest my heart with loveliness4 ,i go still2 the divine beauty of flesh is life itself to me4 ,it was1 and is1 one of my ,london pilgrimages4 ,another was to the ,greek sculpture galleries in the ,british ,museum4 ,the statues are not1 it is said1 the best2 broken too1 and mutilated1 and seen in a dull1 commonplace light4 ,but they were shape--divine shape of man and woman2 the form of limb and torso1 of bust and neck1 gave me a sighing sense of rest4 ,these were they who would have stayed with me under the shadow of the oaks while the blackbirds fluted and the south air swung the cowslips4 ,they would have walked with me among the reddened gold of the wheat4 ,they would have rested with me on the hill-tops and in the narrow valley grooved of ancient times4 ,they would have listened with me to the sob of the summer sea drinking the land4 ,these had thirsted of sun1 and earth1 and sea1 and sky4 ,their shape spoke this thirst and desire like mine--if ,i had lived with them from ,greece till now ,i should not have had enough of them4 ,tracing the form of limb and torso with the eye gave me a sense of rest4 ,sometimes ,i came in from the crowded streets and ceaseless hum2 one glance at these shapes and ,i became myself4 ,sometimes ,i came from the ,reading-room1 where under the dome ,i often looked up from the desk and realised the crushing hopelessness of books1 useless1 not equal to one bubble borne along on the running brook ,i had walked by1 giving no thought like the spring when ,i lifted the water in my hand and saw the light gleam on it4 ,torso and limb1 bust and neck instantly returned me to myself2 ,i felt as ,i did lying on the turf listening to the wind among the grass2 it would have seemed natural to have found butterflies fluttering among he statues4 ,the same deep desire was with me4 ,i shall always go to speak to them2 they are a place of pilgrimage2 wherever there is a beautiful statue there is a place of pilgrimage4 ,i always stepped aside1 too1 to look awhile at the head of ,julius ,csar4 ,the domes of the swelling temples of his broad head are full of mind1 evident to the eye as a globe is full of substance to the sense of feeling in the hands that hold it4 ,the thin worn cheek is entirely human2 endless difficulties surmounted by endless labour are marked in it1 as the sandblast1 by dint of particles ceaselessly driven1 carves the hardest material4 ,if circumstances favoured him he made those circumstances his own by marvellous labour1 so as justly to receive the credit of chance4 ,therefore the thin cheek is entirely human--the sum of human life made visible in one face--labour1 and endurance1 and mind1 and all in vain4 ,a shadow--of deep sadness has gathered on it in the years that have passed1 because endurance was without avail4 ,it is sadder to look at than the grass-grown tumulus ,i used to sit by1 because it is a personality1 and also on account of the extreme folly of our human race ever destroying our greatest4 ,far better had they endeavoured1 however hopelessly1 to keep him living till this day4 ,did but the race this hour possess one-hundredth part of his breadth of view1 how happy for them6 ,of whom else can it be said that he had no enemies to forgive because he recognised no enemy8 ,nineteen hundred years ago he put in actual practice1 with more arbitrary power than any despot1 those very principles of humanity which are now put forward as the highest culture4 ,but he made them to be actual things under his sway4 ,the one man filled with mind2 the one man without avarice1 anger1 pettiness1 littleness2 the one man generous and truly great of all history4 ,it is enough to make one despair to think of the mere brutes butting to death the great-minded ,csar4 ,he comes nearest to the ideal of a design-power arranging the affairs of the world for good in practical things4 ,before his face--the divine brow of mind above1 the human suffering-drawn cheek beneath--my own thought became set and strengthened4 ,that ,i could but look at things in the broad way he did2 that ,i could not possess one particle of such width of intellect to guide my own course1 to cope with and drag forth from the iron-resisting forces of the universe some one thing of my prayer for the soul and for the flesh4 ,,chapter ,,vi ,there is a place in front of the ,royal ,exchange where the wide pavement reaches out like a promontory4 ,it is in the shape of a triangle with a rounded apex4 ,a stream of traffic runs on either side1 and other streets send their currents down into the open space before it4 ,like the spokes of a wheel converging streams of human life flow into this agitated pool4 ,horses and carriages1 carts1 vans1 omnibuses1 cabs1 every kind of conveyance cross each other's course in every possible direction4 ,twisting in and out by the wheels and under the horses' heads1 working a devious way1 men and women of all conditions wind a path over4 ,they fill the interstices between the carriages and blacken the surface1 till the vans almost float on human beings4 ,now the streams slacken1 and now they rush amain1 but never cease2 dark waves are always rolling down the incline opposite1 waves swell out from the side rivers1 all ,london converges into this focus4 ,there is an indistinguishable noise--it is not clatter1 hum1 or roar1 it is not resolvable2 made up of a thousand thousand footsteps1 from a thousand hoofs1 a thousand wheels--of haste1 and shuffle1 and quick movements1 and ponderous loads2 no attention can resolve it into a fixed sound4 ,blue carts and yellow omnibuses1 varnished carriages and brown vans1 green omnibuses and red cabs1 pale loads of yellow straw1 rusty-red iron clanking on paintless carts1 high white wool-packs1 grey horses1 bay horses1 black teams2 sunlight sparkling on brass harness1 gleaming from carriage panels2 jingle1 jingle1 jingle6 ,an intermixed and intertangled1 ceaselessly changing jingle1 too1 of colour2 flecks of colour champed1 as it were1 like bits in the horses' teeth1 frothed and strewn about1 and a surface always of dark-dressed people winding like the curves on fast-flowing water4 ,this is the vortex and whirlpool1 the centre of human life today on the earth4 ,now the tide rises and now it sinks1 but the flow of these rivers always continues4 ,here it seethes and whirls1 not for an hour only1 but for all present time1 hour by hour1 day by day1 year by year4 ,here it rushes and pushes1 the atoms triturate and grind1 and1 eagerly thrusting by1 pursue their separate ends4 ,here it appears in its unconcealed personality1 indifferent to all else but itself1 absorbed and rapt in eager self1 devoid and stripped of conventional gloss and politeness1 yielding only to get its own way2 driving1 pushing1 carried on in a stress of feverish force like a bullet1 dynamic force apart from reason or will1 like the force that lifts the tides and sends the clouds onwards4 ,the friction of a thousand interests evolves a condition of electricity in which men are moved to and fro without considering their steps4 ,yet the agitated pool of life is stonily indifferent1 the thought is absent or preoccupied1 for it is evident that the mass are unconscious of the scene in which they act4 ,but it is more sternly real than the very stones1 for all these men and women that pass through are driven on by the push of accumulated circumstances2 they cannot stay1 they must go1 their necks are in the slave's ring1 they are beaten like seaweed against the solid walls of fact4 ,in ancient times1 ,xerxes1 the king of kings1 looking down upon his myriads1 wept to think that in a hundred years not one of them would be left4 ,where will be these millions of to-day in a hundred years8 ,but1 further than that1 let us ask1 ,where then will be the sum and outcome of their labour8 ,if they wither away like summer grass1 will not at least a result be left which those of a hundred years hence may be the better for8 ,no1 not one jot6 ,there will not be any sum or outcome or result of this ceaseless labour and movement2 it vanishes in the moment that it is done1 and in a hundred years nothing will be there1 for nothing is there now4 ,there will be no more sum or result than accumulates from the motion of a revolving cowl on a housetop4 ,nor do they receive any more sunshine during their lives1 for they are unconscious of the sun4 ,i used to come and stand near the apex of the promontory of pavement which juts out towards the pool of life2 ,i still go there to ponder4 ,burning in the sky1 the sun shone on me as when ,i rested in the narrow valley carved in prehistoric time4 ,burning in the sky1 ,i can never forget the sun4 ,the heat of summer is dry there as if the light carried an impalpable dust2 dry1 breathless heat that will not let the skin respire1 but swathes up the dry fire in the blood4 ,but beyond the heat and light1 ,i felt the presence of the sun as ,i felt it in the solitary valley1 the presence of the resistless forces of the universe2 the sun burned in the sky as ,i stood and pondered4 ,is there any theory1 philosophy1 or creed1 is there any system or culture1 any formulated method able to meet and satisfy each separate item of this agitated pool of human life8 ,by which they may be guided1 by which hope1 by which look forward8 ,not a mere illusion of the craven heart--something real1 as real as the solid walls of fact against which1 like drifted sea-weed1 they are dashed2 something to give each separate personality sunshine and a flower in its own existence now2 something to shape this million-handed labour to an end and outcome that will leave more sunshine and more flowers to those who must succeed8 ,something real now1 and not in the spirit-land2 in this hour now1 as ,i stand and the sun burns4 ,can any creed1 philosophy1 system1 or culture endure the test and remain unmolten in this fierce focus of human life8 ,consider1 is there anything slowly painted on the once mystic and now commonplace papyri of ancient1 ancient ,egypt1 held on the mummy's withered breast8 ,in that elaborate ritual1 in the procession of the symbols1 in the winged circle1 in the laborious sarcophagus8 ,nothing2 absolutely nothing6 ,before the fierce heat of the human furnace1 the papyri smoulder away as paper smoulders under a lens in the sun4 ,remember ,nineveh and the cult of the fir-cone1 the turbaned and bearded bulls of stone1 the lion hunt1 the painted chambers loaded with tile books1 the lore of the arrow-headed writing4 ,what is in ,assyria8 ,there are sand1 and failing rivers1 and in ,assyria's writings an utter nothing4 ,the aged caves of ,india1 who shall tell when they were sculptured8 ,far back when the sun was burning1 burning in the sky as now in untold precedent time4 ,is there any meaning in those ancient caves8 ,the indistinguishable noise not to be resolved1 born of the human struggle1 mocks in answer4 ,in the strange characters of the ,zend1 in the ,sanscrit1 in the effortless creed of ,confucius1 in the ,aztec coloured-string writings and rayed stones1 in the uncertain marks left of the sunken ,polynesian continent1 hieroglyphs as useless as those of ,memphis1 nothing4 ,nothing6 ,they have been tried1 and were found an illusion4 ,think then1 to-day1 now looking from this apex of the pavement promontory outwards from our own land to the utmost bounds of the farthest sail1 is there any faith or culture at this hour which can stand in this fierce heat8 ,from the various forms of ,semitic1 ,aryan1 or ,turanian creed now existing1 from the printing-press to the palm-leaf volume on to those who call on the jewel in the lotus1 can aught be gathered which can face this1 the ,reality8 ,the indistinguishable noise1 non-resolvable1 roars a loud contempt4 ,turn1 then1 to the calm reasoning of ,aristotle2 is there anything in that8 ,can the half-divine thought of ,plato1 rising in storeys of sequential ideas1 following each other to the conclusion1 endure here8 ,no6 ,all the philosophers in ,diogenes ,laertius fade away3 the theories of medival days2 the organon of experiment2 down to this hour--they are useless alike4 ,the science of this hour1 drawn from the printing-press in an endless web of paper1 is powerless here2 the indistinguishable noise echoed from the smoke-shadowed walls despises the whole4 ,a thousand footsteps1 a thousand hoofs1 a thousand wheels roll over and utterly contemn them in complete annihilation4 ,mere illusions of heart or mind1 they are tested and thrust aside by the irresistible push of a million converging feet4 ,burning in the sky1 the sun shines as it shone on me in the solitary valley1 as it burned on when the earliest cave of ,india was carved4 ,above the indistinguishable roar of the many feet ,i feel the presence of the sun1 of the immense forces of the universe1 and beyond these the sense of the eternal now1 of the immortal4 ,full well aware that all has failed1 yet1 side by side with the sadness of that knowledge1 there lives on in me an unquenchable belief1 thought burning like the sun1 that there is yet something to be found1 something real1 something to give each separate personality sunshine and flowers in its own existence now4 ,something to shape this million-handed labour to an end and outcome1 leaving accumulated sunshine and flowers to those who shall succeed4 ,it must be dragged forth by might of thought from the immense forces of the universe4 ,to prepare for such an effort1 first the mind must be cleared of the conceit that1 because we live to-day1 we are wiser than the ages gone4 ,the mind must acknowledge its ignorance2 all the learning and lore of so many eras must be erased from it as an encumbrance4 ,it is not from past or present knowledge1 science or faith1 that it is to be drawn4 ,erase these altogether as they are erased under the fierce heat of the focus before me4 ,begin wholly afresh4 ,go straight to the sun1 the immense forces of the universe1 to the ,entity unknown2 go higher than a god2 deeper than prayer2 and open a new day4 ,that ,i might but have a fragment of ,csar's intellect to find a fragment of this desire6 ,from my home near ,london ,i made a pilgrimage almost daily to an aspen by a brook4 ,it was a mile and a quarter along the road1 far enough for me to walk off the concentration of mind necessary for work4 ,the idea of the pilgrimage was to get away from the endless and nameless circumstances of everyday existence1 which by degrees build a wall about the mind so that it travels in a constantly narrowing circle4 ,this tether of the faculties tends to make them accept present knowledge1 and present things1 as all that can be attained to4 ,this is all--there is nothing more--is the iterated preaching of house-life4 ,remain2 be content2 go round and round in one barren path1 a little money1 a little food and sleep1 some ancient fables1 old age and death4 ,of all the inventions of casuistry with man for ages has in various ways which manacled himself1 and stayed his own advance1 there is none equally potent with the supposition that nothing more is possible4 ,once well impress on the mind that it has already all1 that advance is impossible because there is nothing further1 and it is chained like a horse to an iron pin in the ground4 ,it is the most deadly--the most fatal poison of the mind4 ,no such casuistry has ever for a moment held me1 but still1 if permitted1 the constant routine of house-life1 the same work1 the same thought in the work1 the little circumstances regularly recurring1 will dull the keenest edge of thought4 ,by my daily pilgrimage1 ,i escaped from it back to the sun4 ,in summer the leaves of the aspen rustled pleasantly1 there was the tinkle of falling water over a hatch1 thrushes sang and blackbirds whistled1 greenfinches laughed in their talk to each other4 ,the commonplace dusty road was commonplace no longer4 ,in the dust was the mark of the chaffinches' little feet2 the white light rendered even the dust brighter to look on4 ,the air came from the south-west--there were distant hills in that direction--over fields of grass and corn4 ,as ,i visited the spot from day to day the wheat grew from green to yellow1 the wild roses flowered1 the scarlet poppies appeared1 and again the beeches reddened in autumn4 ,in the march of time there fell away from my mind1 as the leaves from the trees in autumn1 the last traces and relics of superstitions and traditions acquired compulsorily in childhood4 ,always feebly adhering1 they finally disappeared4 ,there fell away1 too1 personal bias and prejudices1 enabling me to see clearer and with wider sympathies4 ,the glamour of modern science and discoveries faded away1 for ,i found them no more than the first potter's wheel4 ,erasure and reception proceeded together2 the past accumulations of casuistry were erased1 and my thought widened to receive the idea of something beyond all previous ideas4 ,with disbelief1 belief increased4 ,the aspiration and hope1 the prayer1 was the same as that which ,i felt years before on the hills1 only it now broadened4 ,experience of life1 instead of curtailing and checking my prayer1 led me to reject experience altogether4 ,as well might the horse believe that the road the bridle forces it to traverse every day encircles the earth as ,i believe in experience4 ,all the experience of the greatest city in the world could not withhold me4 ,i rejected it wholly4 ,i stood bare-headed before the sun1 in the presence of the earth and air1 in the presence of the immense forces of the universe4 ,i demand that which will make me more perfect now1 this hour4 ,london convinced me of my own thought4 ,that thought has always been with me1 and always grows wider4 ,one midsummer ,i went out of the road into the fields1 and sat down on the grass between the yellowing wheat and the green hawthorn bushes4 ,the sun burned in the sky1 the wheat was full of a luxuriant sense of growth1 the grass high1 the earth giving its vigour to tree and leaf1 the heaven blue4 ,the vigour and growth1 the warmth and light1 the beauty and richness of it entered into me2 an ecstasy of soul accompanied the delicate excitement of the senses3 the soul rose with the body4 ,rapt in the fulness of the moment1 ,i prayed there with all that expansion of mind and frame2 no words1 no definition1 inexpressible desire of physical life1 of soul-life1 equal to and beyond the highest imagining of my heart4 ,these memories cannot be placed in exact chronological order4 ,there was a time when a weary restlessness came upon me1 perhaps from too-long-continued labour4 ,it was like a drought--a moral drought--as if ,i had been absent for many years from the sources of life and hope4 ,the inner nature was faint1 all was dry and tasteless2 ,i was weary for the pure1 fresh springs of thought4 ,some instinctive feeling uncontrollable drove me to the sea2 ,i was so under its influence that ,i could not arrange the journey so as to get the longest day4 ,i merely started1 and of course had to wait and endure much inconvenience4 ,to get to the sea at some quiet spot was my one thought2 to do so ,i had to travel farther1 and from want of prearrangement it was between two and three in the afternoon before ,i reached the end of my journey4 ,even then1 being too much preoccupied to inquire the way1 ,i missed the road and had to walk a long distance before coming to the shore4 ,but ,i found the sea at last2 ,i walked beside it in a trance away from the houses out into the wheat4 ,the ripe corn stood up to the beach1 the waves on one side of the shingle1 and the yellow wheat on the other4 ,there1 alone1 ,i went down to the sea4 ,i stood where the foam came to my feet1 and looked out over the sunlit waters4 ,the great earth bearing the richness of the harvest1 and its hills golden with corn1 was at my back2 its strength and firmness under me4 ,the great sun shone above1 the wide sea was before me1 the wind came sweet and strong from the waves4 ,the life of the earth and the sea1 the glow of the sun filled me2 ,i touched the surge with my hand1 ,i lifted my face to the sun1 ,i opened my lips to the wind4 ,i prayed aloud in the roar of the waves--my soul was strong as the sea and prayed with the sea's might4 ,give me fulness of life like to the sea and the sun1 to the earth and the air2 give me fulness of physical life1 mind equal and beyond their fulness2 give me a greatness and perfection of soul higher than all things2 give me my inexpressible desire which swells in me like a tide--give it to me with all the force of the sea4 ,then ,i rested1 sitting by the wheat2 the bank of beach was between me and the sea1 but the waves beat against it2 the sea was there1 the sea was present and at hand4 ,by the dry wheat ,i rested1 ,i did not think1 ,i was inhaling the richness of the sea1 all the strength and depth of meaning of the sea and earth came to me again4 ,i rubbed out some of the wheat in my hands1 ,i took up a piece of clod and crumbled it in my fingers--it was a joy to touch it--,i held my hand so that ,i could see the sunlight gleam on the slightly moist surface of the skin4 ,the earth and sun were to me like my flesh and blood1 and the air of the sea life4 ,with all the greater existence ,i drew from them ,i prayed for a bodily life equal to it1 for a soul-life beyond my thought1 for my inexpressible desire of more than ,i could shape even into idea4 ,there was something higher than idea1 invisible to thought as air to the eye2 give me bodily life equal in fulness to the strength of earth1 and sun1 and sea2 give me the soul-life of my desire4 ,once more ,i went down to the sea1 touched it1 and said farewell4 ,so deep was the inhalation of this life that day1 that it seemed to remain in me for years4 ,this was a real pilgrimage4 ,time passed away1 with more labour1 pleasure1 and again at last1 after much pain and wearinesss of mind1 ,i came down again to the sea4 ,the circumstances were changed--it was not a hurried glance--there were opportunities for longer thought4 ,it mattered scarcely anything to me now whether ,i was alone1 or whether houses and other people were near4 ,nothing could disturb my inner vision4 ,by the sea1 aware of the sun overhead1 and the blue heaven1 ,i feel that there is nothing between me and space4 ,this is the verge of a gulf1 and a tangent from my feet goes straight unchecked into the unknown4 ,it is the edge of the abyss as much as if the earth were cut away in a sheer fall of eight thousand miles to the sky beneath1 thence a hollow to the stars4 ,looking straight out is looking straight down2 the eye-glance gradually departs from the sea-level1 and1 rising as that falls1 enters the hollow of heaven4 ,it is gazing along the face of a vast precipice into the hollow space which is nameless4 ,there mystery has been placed1 but realising the vast hollow yonder makes me feel that the mystery is here4 ,i1 who am here on the verge1 standing on the margin of the sky1 am in the mystery itself4 ,if ,i let my eye look back upon me from the extreme opposite of heaven1 then this spot where ,i stand is in the centre of the hollow4 ,alone with the sea and sky1 ,i presently feel all the depth and wonder of the unknown come back surging up around1 and touching me as the foam runs to my feet4 ,i am in it now1 not to-morrow1 this moment2 ,i cannot escape from it4 ,though ,i may deceive myself with labour1 yet still ,i am in it2 in sleep too4 ,there is no escape from this immensity4 ,feeling this by the sea1 under the sun1 my life enlarges and quickens1 striving to take to itself the largeness of the heaven4 ,the frame cannot expand1 but the soul is able to stand before it4 ,no giant's body could be in proportion to the earth1 but a little spirit is equal to the entire cosmos1 to earth and ocean1 sun and star-hollow4 ,these are but a few acres to it4 ,were the cosmos twice as wide1 the soul could run over it1 and return to itself in a time so small1 no measure exists to mete it4 ,therefore1 ,i think the soul may sometimes find out an existence as superior as my mind is to the dead chalk cliff4 ,with the great sun burning over the foam-flaked sea1 roofed with heaven--aware of myself1 a consciousness forced on me by these things--,i feel that thought must yet grow larger and correspond in magnitude of conception to these4 ,but these cannot content me1 these ,titanic things of sea1 and sun1 and profundity2 ,i feel that my thought is stronger than they are4 ,i burn life like a torch4 ,the hot light shot back from the sea scorches my cheek--my life is burning in me4 ,the soul throbs like the sea for a larger life4 ,no thought which ,i have ever had has satisfied my soul4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,my strength is not enough to fulfil my desire2 if ,i had the strength of the ocean1 and of the earth1 the burning vigour of the sun implanted in my limbs1 it would hardly suffice to gratify the measureless desire of life which possesses me4 ,i have often walked the day long over the sward1 and1 compelled to pause1 at length1 in my weariness1 ,i was full of the same eagerness with which ,i started4 ,the sinews would obey no longer1 but the will was the same4 ,my frame could never take the violent exertion my heart demanded4 ,labour of body was like meat and drink to me4 ,over the open hills1 up the steep ascents1 mile after mile1 there was deep enjoyment in the long-drawn breath1 the spring of the foot1 in the act of rapid movement4 ,never have ,i had enough of it2 ,i wearied long before ,i was satisfied1 and weariness did not bring a cessation of desire2 the thirst was still there4 ,i rowed1 ,i used the axe1 ,i split tree-trunks with wedges2 my arms tired1 but my spirit remained fresh and chafed against the physical weariness4 ,my arms were not strong enough to satisfy me with the axe1 or wedges1 or oars4 ,there was delight in the moment1 but it was not enough4 ,i swam1 and what is more delicious than swimming8 ,it is exercise and luxury at once4 ,but ,i could not swim far enough2 ,i was always dissatisfied with myself on leaving the water4 ,nature has not given me a great frame1 and had it done so ,i should still have longed for more4 ,i was out of doors all day1 and often half the night2 still ,i wanted more sunshine1 more air1 the hours were too short4 ,i feel this even more now than in the violence of early youth3 the hours are too short1 the day should be sixty hours long4 ,slumber1 too1 is abbreviated and restricted2 forty hours of night and sleep would not be too much4 ,so little can be accomplished in the longest summer day1 so little rest and new force is accumulated in a short eight hours of sleep4 ,i live by the sea now2 ,i can see nothing of it in a day2 why1 ,i do but get a breath of it1 and the sun sinks before ,i have well begun to think4 ,life is so little and so mean4 ,i dream sometimes backwards of the ancient times4 ,if ,i could have the bow of ,ninus1 and the earth full of wild bulls and lions1 to hunt them down1 there would be rest in that4 ,to shoot with a gun is nothing2 a mere touch discharges it4 ,give me a bow1 that ,i may enjoy the delight of feeling myself draw the string and the strong wood bending1 that ,i may see the rush of the arrow1 and the broad head bury itself deep in shaggy hide4 ,give me an iron mace that ,i may crush the savage beast and hammer him down4 ,a spear to thrust through with1 so that ,i may feel the long blade enter and the push of the shaft4 ,the unwearied strength of ,ninus to hunt unceasingly in the fierce sun4 ,still ,i should desire greater strength and a stouter bow1 wilder creatures to combat4 ,the intense life of the senses1 there is never enough for them4 ,i envy ,semiramis2 ,i would have been ten times ,semiramis4 ,i envy ,nero1 because of the great concourse of beauty he saw4 ,i should like to be loved by every beautiful woman on earth1 from the swart ,nubian to the white and divine ,greek4 ,wine is pleasant and meat refreshing2 but though ,i own with absolute honesty that ,i like them1 these are the least of all4 ,of these two only have ,i ever had enough4 ,the vehemence of exertion1 the vehemence of the spear1 the vehemence of sunlight and life1 the insatiate desire of insatiate ,semiramis1 the still more insatiate desire of love1 divine and beautiful1 the uncontrollable adoration of beauty1 these--these3 give me these in greater abundance than was ever known to man or woman4 ,the strength of ,hercules1 the fulness of the senses1 the richness of life1 would not in the least impair my desire of soul-life4 ,on the reverse1 with every stronger beat of the pulse my desire of soul-life would expand4 ,so it has ever been with me2 in hard exercise1 in sensuous pleasure1 in the embrace of the sunlight1 even in the drinking of a glass of wine1 my heart has been lifted the higher towards perfection of soul4 ,fulness of physical life causes a deeper desire of soul-life4 ,let me be physically perfect1 in shape1 vigour1 and movement4 ,my frame1 naturally slender1 will not respond to labour1 and increase in proportion to effort1 nor will exposure harden a delicate skin4 ,it disappoints me so far1 but my spirit rises with the effort1 and my thought opens4 ,this is the only profit of frost1 the pleasure of winter1 to conquer cold1 and to feel braced and strengthened by that whose province it is to wither and destroy1 making of cold1 life's enemy1 life's renewer4 ,the black north wind hardens the resolution as steel is tempered in ice-water4 ,it is a sensual joy1 as sensuous as the warm embrace of the sunlight1 but fulness of physical life ever brings to me a more eager desire of soul-life4 ,splendid it is to feel the boat rise to the roller1 or forced through by the sail to shear the foam aside like a share2 splendid to undulate as the chest lies on the wave1 swimming1 the brimming ocean round3 then ,i know and feel its deep strong tide1 its immense fulness1 and the sun glowing over2 splendid to climb the steep green hill3 in these ,i feel myself1 ,i drink the exquisite joy of the senses1 and my soul lifts itself with them4 ,it is beautiful even to watch a fine horse gallop1 the long stride1 the rush of the wind as he passes--my heart beats quicker to the thud of the hoofs1 and ,i feel his strength4 ,gladly would ,i have the strength of the ,tartar stallion roaming the wild steppe2 that very strength1 what vehemence of soul-thought would accompany it4 ,but ,i should like it1 too1 for itself4 ,for ,i believe1 with all my heart1 in the body and the flesh1 and believe that it should be increased and made more beautiful by every means4 ,i believe--,i do more than think--,i believe it to be a sacred duty1 incumbent upon every one1 man and woman1 to add to and encourage their physical life1 by exercise1 and in every manner4 ,a sacred duty each towards himself1 and each towards the whole of the human race4 ,each one of us should do some little part for the physical good of the race--health1 strength1 vigour4 ,there is no harm therein to the soul3 on the contrary1 those who stunt their physical life are most certainly stunting their souls4 ,i believe all manner of asceticism to be the vilest blasphemy--blasphemy towards the whole of the human race4 ,i believe in the flesh and the body1 which is worthy of worship--to see a perfect human body unveiled causes a sense of worship4 ,the ascetics are the only persons who are impure4 ,increase of physical beauty is attended by increase of soul beauty4 ,the soul is the high even by gazing on beauty4 ,let me be fleshly perfect4 ,it is in myself that ,i desire increase1 profit1 and exaltation of body1 mind1 and soul4 ,the surroundings1 the clothes1 the dwelling1 the social status1 the circumstances are to me utterly indifferent4 ,let the floor of the room be bare1 let the furniture be a plank table1 the bed a mere pallet4 ,let the house be plain and simple1 but in the midst of air and light4 ,these are enough--a cave would be enough2 in a warmer climate the open air would suffice4 ,let me be furnished in myself with health1 safety1 strength1 the perfection of physical existence2 let my mind be furnished with highest thoughts of soul-life4 ,let me be in myself myself fully4 ,the pageantry of power1 the still more foolish pageantry of wealth1 the senseless precedence of place2 words fail me to express my utter contempt for such pleasure or such ambitions4 ,let me be in myself myself fully1 and those ,i love equally so4 ,it is enough to lie on the sward in the shadow of green boughs1 to listen to the songs of summer1 to drink in the sunlight1 the air1 the flowers1 the sky1 the beauty of all4 ,or upon the hill-tops to watch the white clouds rising over the curved hill-lines1 their shadows descending the slope4 ,or on the beach to listen to the sweet sigh as the smooth sea runs up and recedes4 ,it is lying beside the immortals1 in-drawing the life of the ocean1 the earth1 and the sun4 ,i want to be always in company with these1 with earth1 and sun1 and sea1 and stars by night4 ,the pettiness of house-life--chairs and tables--and the pettiness of observances1 the petty necessity of useless labour1 useless because productive of nothing1 chafe me the year through4 ,i want to be always in company with the sun1 and sea1 and earth4 ,these1 and the stars by night1 are my natural companions4 ,my heart looks back and sympathises with all the joy and life of ancient time4 ,with the circling dance burned in still attitude on the vase2 with the chase and the hunter eagerly pursuing1 whose javelin trembles to be thrown2 with the extreme fury of feeling1 the whirl of joy in the warriors from ,marathon to the last battle of ,rome1 not with the slaughter1 but with the passion--the life in the passion2 with the garlands and the flowers2 with all the breathing busts that have panted beneath the sun4 ,o beautiful human life6 ,tears come in my eyes as ,i think of it4 ,so beautiful1 so inexpressibly beautiful6 ,so deep is the passion of life that1 if it were possible to live again1 it must be exquisite to die pushing the eager breast against the sword4 ,in the flush of strength to face the sharp pain joyously1 and laugh in the last glance of the sun--if only to live again1 now on earth1 were possible4 ,so subtle is the chord of life that sometimes to watch troops marching in rhythmic order1 undulating along the column as the feet are lifted1 brings tears in my eyes4 ,yet could ,i have in my own heart all the passion1 the love and joy1 burned in the breasts that have panted1 breathing deeply1 since the hour of ,ilion1 yet still ,i should desire more4 ,how willingly ,i would strew the paths of all with flowers2 how beautiful a delight to make the world joyous6 ,the song should never be silent1 the dance never still1 the laugh should sound like water which runs for ever4 ,i would submit to a severe discipline1 and to go without many things cheerfully1 for the good and happiness of the human race in the future4 ,each one of us should do something1 however small1 towards that great end4 ,at the present time the labour of our predecessors in this country1 in all other countries of the earth1 is entirely wasted4 ,we live--that is1 we snatch an existence--and our works become nothing4 ,the piling up of fortunes1 the building of cities1 the establishment of immense commerce1 ends in a cipher4 ,these objects are so outside my idea that ,i cannot understand them1 and look upon the struggle in amazement4 ,not even the pressure of poverty can force upon me an understanding of1 and sympathy with1 these things4 ,it is the human being as the human being of whom ,i think4 ,that the human being as the human being1 nude--apart altogether from money1 clothing1 houses1 properties--should enjoy greater health1 strength1 safety1 beauty1 and happiness1 ,i would gladly agree to a discipline like that of ,sparta4 ,the ,spartan method did produce the finest race of men1 and ,sparta was famous in antiquity for the most beautiful women4 ,so far1 therefore1 it fits exactly to my ideas4 ,no science of modern times has yet discovered a plan to meet the requirements of the millions who live now1 no plan by which they might attain similar physical proportion4 ,some increase of longevity1 some slight improvement in the general health is promised1 and these are great things1 but far1 far beneath the ideal4 ,probably the whole mode of thought of the nations must be altered before physical progress is possible4 ,not while money1 furniture1 affected show and the pageantry of wealth are the ambitions of the multitude can the multitude become ideal in form4 ,when the ambition of the multitude is fixed on the ideal of form and beauty1 then that ideal will become immediately possible1 and a marked advance towards it could be made in three generations4 ,glad1 indeed1 should ,i be to discover something that would help towards this end4 ,how pleasant it would be each day to think1 ,to-day ,i have done something that will tend to render future generations more happy4 ,the very thought would make this hour sweeter4 ,it is absolutely necessary that something of this kind should be discovered4 ,first1 we must lay down the axiom that as yet nothing has been found2 we have nothing to start with2 all has to be begun afresh4 ,all courses or methods of human life have hitherto been failures4 ,some course of life is needed based on things that are1 irrespective of tradition4 ,the physical ideal must be kept steadily in view4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,an enumeration of the useless would almost be an enumeration of everything hitherto pursued4 ,for instance1 to go back as far as possible1 the study and labour expended on ,egyptian inscriptions and papyri1 which contain nothing but doubtful1 because laudatory history1 invocations to idols1 and similar matters3 all these labours are in vain4 ,take a broom and sweep the papyri away into the dust4 ,the ,assyrian terra-cotta tablets1 some recording fables1 and some even sadder--contracts between men whose bodies were dust twenty centuries since--take a hammer and demolish them4 ,set a battery to beat down the pyramids1 and a mind-battery to destroy the deadening influence of tradition4 ,the ,greek statue lives to this day1 and has the highest use of all1 the use of true beauty4 ,the ,greek and ,roman philosophers have the value of furnishing the mind with material to think from4 ,egyptian and ,assyrian1 medival and eighteenth-century culture1 miscalled1 are all alike mere dust1 and absolutely useless4 ,there is a mass of knowledge so called at the present day equally useless1 and nothing but an encumbrance4 ,we are forced by circumstances to become familiar with it1 but the time expended on it is lost4 ,no physical ideal--far less any soul-ideal--will ever be reached by it4 ,in a recent generation erudition in the text of the classics was considered the most honourable of pursuits2 certainly nothing could be less valuable4 ,in our own generation1 another species of erudition is lauded--erudition in the laws of matter--which1 in itself1 is but one degree better4 ,the study of matter for matter's sake is despicable2 if any can turn that study to advance the ideal of life1 it immediately becomes most valuable4 ,but not without the human ideal4 ,it is nothing to me if the planets revolve around the sun1 or the sun around the earth1 unless ,i can thereby gather an increase of body or mind4 ,as the conception of the planets revolving around the sun1 the present astronomical conception of the heavens1 is distinctly grander than that of ,ptolemy1 it is therefore superior1 and a gain to the human mind4 ,so with other sciences1 not immediately useful1 yet if they furnish the mind with material of thought1 they are an advance4 ,but not in themselves--only in conjunction with the human ideal4 ,once let that slip out of the thought1 and science is of no more use than the invocations in the ,egyptian papyri4 ,the world would be the gainer if the ,nile rose and swept away pyramid and tomb1 sarcophagus1 papyri1 and inscription2 for it seems as if most of the superstitions which still to this hour1 in our own country1 hold minds in their sway1 originated in ,egypt4 ,the world would be the gainer if a ,nile flood of new thought arose and swept away the past1 concentrating the effort of all the races of the earth upon man's body1 that it might reach an ideal of shape1 and health1 and happiness4 ,nothing is of any use unless it gives me a stronger body and mind1 a more beautiful body1 a happy existence1 and a soul-life now4 ,the last phase of philosophy is equally useless with the rest4 ,the belief that the human mind was evolved1 in the process of unnumbered years1 from a fragment of palpitating slime through a thousand gradations1 is a modern superstition1 and proceeds upon assumption alone4 ,nothing is evolved1 no evolution takes place1 there is no record of such an event2 it is pure assertion4 ,the theory fascinates many1 because they find1 upon study of physiology1 that the gradations between animal and vegetable are so fine and so close together1 as if a common web bound them together4 ,but although they stand so near they never change places4 ,they are like the figures on the face of a clock2 there are minute dots between1 apparently connecting each with the other1 and the hands move round over all4 ,yet ten never becomes twelve1 and each second even is parted from the next1 as you may hear by listening to the beat4 ,so the gradations of life1 past and present1 though standing close together never change places4 ,nothing is evolved4 ,there is no evolution any more than there is any design in nature4 ,by standing face to face with nature1 and not from books1 ,i have convinced myself that there is no design and no evolution4 ,what there is1 what was the cause1 how and why1 is not yet known2 certainly it was neither of these4 ,but it may be argued the world must have been created1 or it must have been made of existing things1 or it must have been evolved1 or it must have existed for ever1 through all eternity4 ,i think not4 ,i do not think that either of these are 8musts10 nor that any 8must0 has yet been discovered2 not even that there 8must0 be a first cause4 ,there may be other things--other physical forces even--of which we know nothing4 ,i strongly suspect there are4 ,there may be other ideas altogether from any we have hitherto had the use of4 ,for many ages our ideas have been confined to two or three4 ,we have conceived the idea of creation1 which is the highest and grandest of all1 if not historically true2 we have conceived the idea of design1 that is of an intelligence making order and revolution of chaos2 and we have conceived the idea of evolution by physical laws of matter1 which1 though now so much insisted on1 is as ancient as the ,greek philosophers4 ,but there may be another alternative2 ,i think there are other alternatives4 ,whenever the mind obtains a wider view we may find that origin4 ,for instance1 is not always due to what is understood by cause4 ,at this moment the mind is unable to conceive of anything happening1 or of anything coming into existence1 without a cause4 ,from cause to effect is the sequence of our ideas4 ,but ,i think that if at some time we should obtain an altogether different and broader sequence of ideas1 we may discover that there are various other alternatives4 ,as the world1 and the universe at large1 was not constructed according to plan1 so it is clear that the sequence or circle of ideas which includes plan1 and cause1 and effect1 are not in the circle of ideas which would correctly explain it4 ,put aside the plan-circle of ideas1 and it will at once be evident that there is no inherent necessity or 8must40 ,there is no inherent necessity for a first cause1 or that the world and the universe was created1 or that it was shaped of existing matter1 or that it evolved itself and its inhabitants1 or that the cosmos has existed in varying forms for ever4 ,there may be other alternatives altogether4 ,the only idea ,i can give is the idea that there is another idea4 ,in this 8must0--8it must follow0--lies my objection to the logic of science4 ,the arguments proceed from premises to conclusions1 and end with the assumption 8it therefore follows40 ,but ,i say that1 however carefully the argument be built up1 even though apparently flawless1 there is no such thing at present as 8it must follow40 ,human ideas at present naturally form a plan1 and a balanced design2 they might be indicated by a geometrical figure1 an upright straight line in the centre1 and branching from that straight line curves on either hand exactly equal to each other4 ,in drawing that is how we are taught1 to balance the outline or curves on one side with the curves on the other4 ,in nature and in fact there is no such thing4 ,the stem of a tree represents the upright line1 but the branches do not balance2 those on one side are larger or longer than those on the other4 ,nothing is straight1 but all things curved1 crooked1 and unequal4 ,the human body is the most remarkable instance of inequality1 lack of balance1 and want of plan4 ,the exterior is beautiful in its lines1 but the two hands1 the two feet1 the two sides of the face1 the two sides of the profile1 are not precisely equal4 ,the very nails of the fingers are set ajar1 as it were1 to the lines of the hand1 and not quite straight4 ,examination of the interior organs shows a total absence of balance4 ,the heart is not in the centre1 nor do the organs correspond in any way4 ,the viscera are wholly opposed to plan4 ,coming1 lastly1 to the bones1 these have no humanity1 as it were1 of shape2 they are neither round nor square2 the first sight of them causes a sense of horror1 so extra-human are they in shape2 there is no balance of design in them4 ,these are very brief examples1 but the whole universe1 so far as it can be investigated1 is equally unequal4 ,no straight line runs through it1 with balanced curves each side4 ,let this thought now be carried into the realms of thought4 ,the mind1 or circle1 or sequence of ideas1 acts1 or thinks1 or exists in a balance1 or what seems a balance to it4 ,a straight line of thought is set in the centre1 with equal branches each side1 and with a generally rounded outline4 ,but this corresponds to nothing in tangible fact4 ,hence ,i think1 by analogy1 we may suppose that neither does it correspond to the circle of ideas which caused us and all things to be1 or1 at all events1 to the circle of ideas which accurately understand us and all things4 ,there are other ideas altogether4 ,from standing face to face so long with the real earth1 the real sun1 and the real sea1 ,i am firmly convinced that there is an immense range of thought quite unknown to us yet4 ,the problem of my own existence also convinces me that there is much more4 ,the questions are3 ,did my soul exist before my body was formed8 ,or did it come into life with my body1 as a product1 like a flame1 of combustion8 ,what will become of it after death8 ,will it simply go out like a flame and become non-existent1 or will it live for ever in one or other mode8 ,to these questions ,i am unable to find any answer whatsoever4 ,in our present range of ideas there is no reply to them4 ,i may have previously existed2 ,i may not have previously existed4 ,i may be a product of combustion2 ,i may exist on after physical life is suspended1 or ,i may not4 ,no demonstration is possible4 ,but what ,i want to say is that the alternatives of extinction or immortality may not be the only alternatives4 ,there may be something else1 more wonderful than immortality1 and far beyond and above that idea4 ,there may be something immeasurably superior to it4 ,as our ideas have run in circles for centuries1 it is difficult to find words to express the idea that there are other ideas4 ,for myself1 though ,i cannot fully express myself1 ,i feel fully convinced that there is a vast immensity of thought1 of existence1 and of other things beyond even immortal existence4 ,,chapter ,,ix ,in human affairs everything happens by chance--that is1 in defiance of human ideas1 and without any direction of an intelligence4 ,a man bathes in a pool1 a crocodile seizes and lacerates his flesh4 ,if any one maintains that an intelligence directed that cruelty1 ,i can only reply that his mind is under an illusion4 ,a man is caught by a revolving shaft and torn to pieces1 limb from limb4 ,there is no directing intelligence in human affairs1 no protection1 and no assistance4 ,those who act uprightly are not rewarded1 but they and their children often wander in the utmost indigence4 ,those who do evil are not always punished1 but frequently flourish and have happy children4 ,rewards and punishments are purely human institutions1 and if government be relaxed they entirely disappear4 ,no intelligence whatever interferes in human affairs4 ,there is a most senseless belief now prevalent that effort1 and work1 and cleverness1 perseverance and industry1 are invariably successful4 ,were this the case1 every man would enjoy a competence1 at least1 and be free from the cares of money4 ,this is an illusion almost equal to the superstition of a directing intelligence1 which every fact and every consideration disproves4 ,how can ,i adequately express my contempt for the assertion that all things occur for the best1 for a wise and beneficent end1 and are ordered by a humane intelligence6 ,it is the most utter falsehood and a crime against the human race4 ,even in my brief time ,i have been contemporary with events of the most horrible character2 as when the mothers in the ,balkans cast their own children from the train to parish in the snow2 as when the ,princess ,alice foundered1 and six hundred human beings were smothered in foul water2 as when the hecatomb of two thousand maidens were burned in the church at ,santiago2 as when the miserable creatures tore at the walls of the ,vienna theatre4 ,consider only the fates which overtake the little children4 ,human suffering is so great1 so endless1 so awful that ,i can hardly write of it4 ,i could not go into hospitals and face it1 as some do1 lest my mind should be temporarily overcome4 ,the whole and the worst the worst pessimist can say is far beneath the least particle of the truth1 so immense is the misery of man4 ,it is the duty of all rational beings to acknowledge the truth4 ,there is not the least trace of directing intelligence in human affairs4 ,this is a foundation of hope1 because1 if the present condition of things were ordered by a superior power1 there would be no possibility of improving it for the better in the spite of that power4 ,acknowledging that no such direction exists1 all things become at once plastic to our will4 ,the credit given by the unthinking to the statement that all affairs are directed has been the bane of the world since the days of the ,egyptian papyri and the origin of superstition4 ,so long as men firmly believe that everything is fixed for them1 so long is progress impossible4 ,if you argue yourself into the belief that you cannot walk to a place1 you cannot walk there4 ,but if you start you can walk there easily4 ,any one who will consider the affairs of the world at large1 and of the individual1 will see that they do not proceed in the manner they would do for our own happiness if a man of humane breadth of view were placed at their head with unlimited power1 such as is credited to the intelligence which does not exist4 ,a man of intellect and humanity could cause everything to happen in an infinitely superior manner4 ,could one like the divine ,julius--humane1 generous1 broadest of view1 deep thinking--wield such power1 certainly every human being would enjoy happiness4 ,but that which is thoughtlessly credited to a non-existent intelligence should really be claimed and exercised by the human race4 ,it is ourselves who should direct our affairs1 protecting ourselves from pain1 assisting ourselves1 succouring and rendering our lives happy4 ,we must do for ourselves what superstition has hitherto supposed an intelligence to do for us4 ,nothing whatsoever is done for us4 ,we are born naked1 and not even protected by a shaggy covering4 ,nothing is done for us4 ,the first and strongest command 7using the word to convey the idea only7 that nature1 the universe1 our own bodies give1 is to do everything for ourselves4 ,the sea does not make boats for us1 nor the earth of her own will build us hospitals4 ,the injured lie bleeding1 and no invisible power lifts them up4 ,the maidens were scorched in the midst of their devotions1 and their remains make a mound hundreds of yards long4 ,the infants perished in the snow1 and the ravens tore their limbs4 ,those in the theatre crushed each other to the death--agony4 ,for how long1 for how many thousand years1 must the earth and the sea1 and the fire and the air1 utter these things and force them upon us before they are admitted in their full significance8 ,these things speak with a voice of thunder4 ,from every human being whose body has been racked by pain2 from every human being who has suffered from accident or disease2 from every human being drowned1 burned1 or slain by negligence1 there goes up a continually increasing cry louder than the thunder4 ,an awe-inspiring cry dread to listen to1 which no one dares listen to1 against which ears are stopped by the wax of superstition and the wax of criminal selfishness3--,these miseries are your doing1 because you have mind and though1 and could have prevented them4 ,you can prevent them in the future4 ,you do not even try4 ,it is perfectly certain that all diseases without exception are preventable1 or1 if not so1 that they can be so weakened as to do no harm4 ,it is perfectly certain that all accidents are preventable2 there is not one that does not arise from folly or negligence4 ,all accidents are crimes4 ,it is perfectly certain that all human beings are capable of physical happiness4 ,it is absolutely incontrovertible that the ideal shape of the human being is attainable to the exclusion of deformities4 ,it is incontrovertible that there is no necessity for any man to die but of old age1 and that if death cannot be prevented life can be prolonged far beyond the farthest now known4 ,it is incontrovertible that at the present time no one ever dies of old age4 ,not one single person ever dies of old age1 or of natural causes1 for there is no such thing as a natural cause of death4 ,they die of disease or weakness which is the result of disease either in themselves or in their ancestors4 ,no such thing as old age is known to us4 ,we do not even know what old age would be like1 because no one ever lives to it4 ,our bodies are full of unsuspected flaws1 handed down it may be for thousands of years1 and it is of these that we die1 and not of natural decay4 ,till these are eliminated1 or as nearly eliminated as possible1 we shall never even know what true old age is like1 nor what the true natural limit of human life is4 ,the utmost limit now appears to be about one hundred and five years1 but as each person who has got so far has died of weaknesses inherited through thousands of years1 it is impossible to say to what number of years he would have reached in a natural state4 ,it seems more than possible that true old age--the slow and natural decay of the body apart from inherited flaw--would be free from very many1 if not all1 of the petty miseries which now render extreme age a doubtful blessing4 ,if the limbs grew weaker they would not totter2 if the teeth dropped it would not be till the last2 if the eyes were less strong they would not be quite dim2 nor would the mind lose its memory4 ,but now we see eyes become dim and artifical aid needed in comparative youth1 and teeth drop out in mere childhood4 ,many men and women lose teeth before they are twenty4 ,this simple fact is evidence enough of inherited weakness or flaw4 ,how could a person who had lost teeth before twenty be ever said to die of old age1 though he died at a hundred and ten8 ,death is not a supernatural event2 it is an event of the most materialistic character1 and may certainly be postponed1 by the united efforts of the human race1 to a period far more distant from the date of birth than has been the case during the historic period4 ,the question has often been debated in my mind whether death is or is not wholly preventable2 whether1 if the entire human race were united in their efforts to eliminate causes of decay1 death might not also be altogether eliminated4 ,if we consider ourselves by the analogy of animals1 trees1 and other living creatures1 the reply is that1 however postponed1 in long process of time the tissues must wither4 ,suppose an ideal man1 free from inherited flaw1 then though his age might be prolonged to several centuries1 in the end the natural body must wear out4 ,that is true so far4 ,but it so happens that the analogy is not just1 and therefore the conclusions it points to are not tenable4 ,man is altogether different from every other animal1 every other living creature known4 ,he is different in body4 ,in his purely natural state--in his true natural state--he is immeasurably stronger4 ,no animal approaches to the physical perfection of which a man is capable4 ,he can weary the strongest horse1 he can outrun the swiftest stag1 he can bear extremes of heat and cold hunger and thirst1 which would exterminate every known living thing4 ,merely in bodily strength he is superior to all4 ,the stories of antiquity1 which were deemed fables1 may be fables historically1 but search has shown that they are not intrinsically fables4 ,man of flesh and blood is capable of all that ,ajax1 all that ,hercules did4 ,feats in modern days have surpassed these1 as when ,webb swam the ,channel2 mythology contains nothing equal to that4 ,the difference does not end here4 ,animals think to a certain extent1 but if their conceptions be ever so clever1 not having hands they cannot execute them4 ,i myself maintain that the mind of man is practically infinite4 ,it can understand anything brought before it4 ,it has not the power of its own motion to bring everything before it1 but when anything is brought it is understood4 ,it is like sitting in a room with one window2 you cannot compel everything to pass the window1 but whatever does pass is seen4 ,it is like a magnifying glass1 which magnifies and explains everything brought into its focus4 ,the mind of man is infinite4 ,beyond this1 man has a soul4 ,i do not use this word in the common sense which circumstances have given to it4 ,i use it as the only term to express that inner consciousness which aspires4 ,these brief reasons show that the analogy is imperfect1 and that therefore1 although an ideal animal--a horse1 a dog1 a lion--must die1 it does not follow that an ideal man must4 ,he has a body possessed of exceptional recuperative powers1 which1 under proper conditions1 continually repairs itself4 ,he has a mind by which he can select remedies1 and select his course and carefully restore the waste of tissue4 ,he has a soul1 as yet1 it seems to me1 lying in abeyance1 by the aid of which he may yet discover things now deemed supernatural4 ,considering these things ,i am obliged by facts and incontrovertible argument to conclude that death is not inevitable to the ideal man4 ,he is shaped for a species of physical immortality4 ,the beauty of form of the ideal human being indicates immortality--the contour1 the curve1 the outline answer to the idea of life4 ,in the course of ages united effort long continued may eliminate those causes of decay which have grown up in ages past1 and after that has been done advance farther and improve the natural state4 ,as a river brings down suspended particles of sand1 and depositing them at its mouth forms a delta and a new country2 as the air and the rain and the heat of the sun desiccate the rocks and slowly wear down mountains into sand1 so the united action of the human race1 continued through centuries1 may build up the ideal man and woman4 ,each individual labouring in his day through geological time in front must produce an effect4 ,the instance of ,sparta1 where so much was done in a few centuries1 is almost proof of it4 ,the truth is1 we die through our ancestors2 we are murdered by our ancestors4 ,their dead hands stretch forth from the tomb and drag us down to their mouldering bones4 ,we in our turn are now at this moment preparing death for our unborn posterity4 ,this day those that die do not die in the sense of old age1 they are slain4 ,nothing has been accumulated for our benefit in ages past4 ,all the labour and the toil of so many millions continued through such vistas of time1 down to those millions who at this hour are rushing to and fro in ,london1 has accumulated nothing for us4 ,nothing for our good4 ,the only things that have been stored up have been for our evil and destruction1 diseases and weaknesses crossed and cultivated and rendered almost part and parcel of our very bones4 ,now let us begin to roll back the tide of death1 and to set our faces steadily to a future of life4 ,it should be the sacred and sworn duty of every one1 once at least during lifetime1 to do something in person towards this end4 ,it would be a delight and pleasure to me to do something every day1 were it ever so minute4 ,to reflect that another human being1 if at a distance of ten thousand years from the year #ahhc1 would enjoy one hour's more life1 in the sense of fulness of life1 in consequence of anything ,i had done in my little span1 would be to me a peace of soul4 ,,chapter ,x ,united effort through geological time in front is but the beginning of an idea4 ,i am convinced that much more can be done1 and that the length of time may be almost immeasurably shortened4 ,the general principles that are now in operation are of the simplest and most elementary character1 yet they have already made considerable difference4 ,i am not content with these4 ,there must be much more--there must be things which are at present unknown by whose aid advance may be made4 ,research proceeds upon the same old lines and runs in the ancient grooves4 ,further1 it is restricted by the ultra-practical views which are alone deemed reasonable4 ,but there should be no limit placed on the mind4 ,the purely ideal is as worthy of pursuit as the practical1 and the mind is not to be pinned to dogmas of science any more than to dogmas of superstition4 ,most injurious of all is the continuous circling on the same path1 and it is from this that ,i wish to free my mind4 ,the pursuit of theory--the organon of pure thought--has led incidentally to great discoveries1 and for myself ,i am convinced it is of the highest value4 ,the process of experiment has produced much1 and has applied what was previously found4 ,empiricism is worthy of careful re-working out1 for it is a fact that most things are more or less empirical1 especially in medicine4 ,denial may be given to this statement1 nevertheless it is true1 and ,i have had practical exemplification of it in my own experience4 ,observation is perhaps more powerful an organon than either experiment or empiricism4 ,if the eye is always watching1 and the mind on the alert1 ultimately chance supplies the solution4 ,the difficulties ,i have encountered have generally been solved by chance in this way4 ,when ,i took an interest in archaeological matters--an interest long since extinct--,i considered that a part of an army known to have marched in a certain direction during the ,civil ,war must have visited a town in which ,i was interested4 ,but ,i exhausted every mode of research in vain2 there was no evidence of it4 ,if the knowledge had ever existed it had dropped again4 ,some years afterwards1 when my interest had ceased1 and ,i had put such inquiries for ever aside 7being useless1 like the ,egyptian papyri71 ,i was reading in the ,british ,museum4 ,presently ,i returned my book to the shelf1 and then slowly walked along the curving wall lined with volumes1 looking to see if ,i could light on anything to amuse me4 ,i took out a volume for a glance2 it opened of itself at a certain page1 and there was the information ,i had so long sought--a reprint of an old pamphlet describing the visit of the army to the town in the ,civil ,war4 ,so chance answered the question in the course of time4 ,and ,i think that1 seeing how great a part chance plays in human affairs1 it is essential that study should be made of chance2 it seems to me that an organon from experiment4 ,then there is the inner consciousness--the psyche--that has never yet been brought to bear upon life and its questions4 ,besides which there is a super-sensuous reason4 ,often ,i have argued with myself that such and such a course was the right one to follow1 while in the intervals of thinking about it an undercurrent of unconscious impulse has desired me to do the reverse or to remain inactive4 ,sometimes it has happened that the supersensuous reasoning has been correct1 and the most faultless argument wrong4 ,i presume this supersensuous reasoning1 preceeding independently in the mind1 arises from perceptions too delicate for analysis4 ,from these considerations alone ,i am convinced that1 by the aid of ideas yet to be discovered1 the geological time in front may be immeasurably shortened4 ,these modes of research are not all4 ,the psyche--the soul in me--tells me that there is much more1 that these are merely beginnings of the crudest kind4 ,i fully recognise the practical difficulty arising from the ingrained1 hereditary1 and unconscious selfishness which began before history1 and has been crossed and cultivated for twelve thousand years since4 ,this renders me less sanguine of united effort through geological time ahead1 unless some idea can be formed to give a stronger impulse even than selfishness1 or unless the selfishness can be utilised4 ,the complacency with which the mass of people go about their daily task1 absolutely indifferent to all other considerations1 is appalling in its concentrated stolidity4 ,they do not intend wrong--they intend rightly3 in truth1 they work against the entire human race4 ,so wedded and so confirmed is the world in its narrow groove of self1 so stolid and so complacent under the immense weight of misery1 so callous to its own possibilities1 and so grown to its chains1 that ,i almost despair to see it awakened4 ,cemeteries are often placed on hillsides1 and the white stones are visible far off4 ,if the whole of the dead in a hillside cemetery were called up alive from their tombs1 and walked forth down into the valley1 it would not rouse the mass of people from the dense pyramid of stolidity which presses on them4 ,there would be gaping and marvelling and rushing about1 and what then8 ,in a week or two the ploughman would settle down to his plough1 the carpenter to his bench1 the smith to his anvil1 the merchant to his money1 and the dead come to life would be utterly forgotten4 ,no matter in what manner the possibilities of human life are put before the world1 the crowd continues as stolid as before4 ,therefore nothing hitherto done1 or suggested1 or thought of1 is of much avail2 but this fact in no degree stays me from the search4 ,on the contrary1 the less there has been accomplished the more anxious ,i am2 the truth it teaches is that the mind must be lifted out of its old grooves before anything will be certainly begun4 ,erase the past from the mind--stand face to face with the real now--and work out all anew4 ,call the soul to our assistance2 the soul tells me that outside all the ideas that have yet occurred there are others1 whole circles of others4 ,i remember a cameo of ,augustus ,csar--the head of the emperor is graven in delicate lines1 and shows the most exquisite proportions4 ,it is a balanced head1 a head adjusted to the calmest intellect4 ,that head when it was living contained a circle of ideas1 the largest1 the widest1 the most profound current in his time4 ,all that philosophy had taught1 all that practice1 experiment1 and empiricism had discovered1 was familiar to him4 ,there was no knowledge in the ancient world but what was accessible to the ,emperor of ,rome4 ,now at this day there are amongst us heads as finely proportioned as that cut out in the cameo4 ,though these living men do not possess arbitrary power1 the advantages of arbitrary power--as far as knowledge is concerned--are secured to them by education1 by the printing-press1 and the facilities of our era4 ,it is reasonable to imagine a head of our time filled with the largest1 the widest1 the most profound ideas current in the age4 ,augustus ,csar1 however great his intellect1 could not in that balanced head have possessed the ideas familiar enough to the living head of this day4 ,as we have a circle of ideas unknown to ,augustus ,csar1 so ,i argue there are whole circles of ideas unknown to us4 ,it is these that ,i am so earnestly desirous of discovering4 ,for nothing has as yet been of any value1 however good its intent4 ,there is no virtue1 or reputed virtue1 which has not been rigidly pursued1 and things have remained as before4 ,men and women have practised self-denial1 and to what end8 ,they have compelled themselves to suffer hunger and thirst2 in vain4 ,they have clothed themselves in sack cloth and lacerated the flesh4 ,they have mutilated themselves4 ,some have been scrupulous to bathe1 and some have been scrupulous to cake their bodies with the foulness of years4 ,many have devoted their lives to assist others in sickness or poverty4 ,chastity has been faithfully observed1 chastity both of body and mind4 ,self-examination has been pursued till it ended in a species of sacred insanity1 and all these have been of no more value than the tortures undergone by the ,indian mendicant who hangs himself up by a hook through his back4 ,all these are pure folly4 ,asceticism has not improved the form1 or the physical well-being1 or the heart of any human being4 ,on the contrary1 the hetaira is often the warmest hearted and the most generous4 ,casuistry and self-examination are perhaps the most injurious of all the virtues1 utterly destroying independence of mind4 ,self-denial has had no result1 and all the self-torture of centuries has been thrown away4 ,lives spent in doing good have been lives nobly wasted4 ,everything is in vain4 ,the circle of ideas we possess is too limited to aid us4 ,we need ideas as far outside our circle as ours are outside those that were pondered over by ,augustus ,csar4 ,the most extraordinary spectacle1 as it seems to me1 is the vast expenditure of labour and time wasted in obtaining mere subsistence4 ,as a man1 in his lifetime1 works hard and saves money1 that his children may be free from the cares of penury and may at least have sufficient to eat1 drink1 clothe1 and roof them1 so the generations that preceded us might1 had they so chosen1 have provided for our subsistence4 ,the labour and time of ten generations1 properly directed1 would sustain a hundred generations succeeding to them1 and that1 too1 with so little self-denial on the part of the providers as to be scarcely felt4 ,so men now1 in this generation1 ought clearly to be laying up a store1 or1 what is still more powerful1 arranging and organising that the generations which follow may enjoy comparative freedom from useless labour4 ,instead of which1 with transcendent improvidence1 the world works only for to-day1 as the world worked twelve thousand years ago1 and our children's children will still have to toil and slave for the bare necessities of life4 ,this is1 indeed an extraordinary spectacle4 ,that twelve thousand written years should have elapsed1 and the human race--able to reason and to think1 and easily capable of combination in immense armies for its own destruction--should still live from hand to mouth1 like cattle and sheep1 like the animals of the field and the birds of the woods2 that there should not even be roofs to cover the children born1 unless those children labour and expend their time to pay for them2 that there should not be clothes1 unless1 again1 time and labour are expended to procure them2 that there should not be even food for the children of the human race1 except they labour as their fathers did twelve thousand years ago2 that even water should scarce be accessible to them1 unless paid for by labour6 ,in twelve thousand written years the world has not yet built itself a ,house1 nor filled a ,granary1 nor organised itself for its own comfort4 ,it is so marvellous ,i cannot express the wonder with which it fills me4 ,and more wonderful still1 if that could be1 there are people so infatuated1 or1 rather1 so limited of view1 that they glory in this state of things1 declaring that work is the main object of man's existence--work for subsistence--and glorying in their wasted time4 ,to argue with such is impossible2 to leave them is the only resource4 ,this our earth this day produces sufficient for our existence4 ,this our earth produces not only a sufficiency1 but a superabundance1 and pours a cornucopia of good things down upon us4 ,further1 it produces sufficient for stores and granaries to be filled to the rooftree for years ahead4 ,i verily believe that the earth in one year produces enough food to last for thirty4 ,why1 then1 have we not enough8 ,why do people die of starvation1 or lead a miserable existence on the verge of it8 ,why have millions upon millions to toil from morning to evening just to gain a mere crust of bread8 ,because of the absolute lack of ,organisation by which such labour should produce its effect1 the absolute lack of distribution1 the absolute lack even of the very idea that such things are possible4 ,nay1 even to mention such things1 to say that they are possible1 is criminal with many4 ,madness could hardly go farther4 ,that selfishness has all to do with it ,i entirely deny4 ,the human race for ages upon ages has been enslaved by ignorance and by interested persons whose object it has been to confine the minds of men1 thereby doing more injury than if with infected hands they purposely imposed disease on the heads of the people4 ,almost worse than these1 and at the present day as injurious1 are those persons incessantly declaring1 teaching1 and impressing upon all that to work is man's highest condition4 ,this falsehood is the interested superstition of an age infatuated with money1 which having accumulated it cannot even expend it in pageantry4 ,it is a falsehood propagated for the doubtful benefit of two or three out of ten thousand1 ,it is the lie of a morality founded on money only1 and utterly outside and having no association whatever with the human being in itself4 ,many superstitions have been got rid of in these days2 time it is that this1 the last and worst1 were eradicated4 ,at this hour1 out of thirty-four millions who inhabit this country1 two-thirds--say twenty-two millions--live within thirty years of that abominable institution the poorhouse4 ,that any human being should dare to apply to another the epithet 8pauper0 is1 to me1 the greatest1 the vilest1 the most unpardonable crime that could be committed4 ,each human being1 by mere birth1 has a birthright in this earth and all its productions2 and if they do not receive it1 then it is they who are injured1 and it is not the 8pauper0--oh1 inexpressibly wicked word6--it is the well-to-do1 who are the criminal classes4 ,it matters not in the least if the poor be improvident1 or drunken1 or evil in any way4 ,food and drink1 roof and clothes1 are the inalienable right of every child born into the light4 ,if the world does not provide it freely--not as a grudging gift but as a right1 as a son of the house sits down to breakfast--then is the world mad4 ,but the world is not mad1 only in ignorance--an interested ignorance1 kept up by strenuous exertions1 from which infernal darkness it will1 in course of time1 emerge1 marvelling at the past as a man wonders at and glories in the light who has escaped from blindness4 ,,chapter ,,xi ,this our earth produces not only a sufficiency a superabundance1 but in one year pours a cornucopia of good things forth1 enough to fill us for many years in succession4 ,the only reason we do not enjoy it is the want of rational organisation4 ,i know1 of course1 and all who think know1 that some labour or supervision will always necessary1 since the plough must travel the furrow and the seed must must be sown2 but ,i maintain that a tenth1 nay1 a hundredth1 part of the labour and slavery now gone through will be sufficient1 and that in the course of time1 as organisation perfects itself and discoveries advance1 even that part will diminish4 ,for the rise and fall of the tides alone furnish forth sufficient power to do automatically all the labour that is done on the earth4 ,is ideal man1 then1 to be idle8 ,i answer that1 if so1 ,i see no wrong1 but a great good4 ,i deny altogether that idleness is an evil1 or that it produces evil1 and ,i am well aware why the interested are so bitter against idleness--namely1 because it gives time for thought1 and if men had time to think their reign would come to an end4 ,idleness--that is1 the absence of the necessity to work for subsistence--is a great good4 ,i hope succeeding generations will be able to be ideal4 ,i hope that nine-tenths of their time will be leisure time2 that they may enjoy their days1 and the earth1 and the beauty of this beautiful world2 that they may rest by the sea and dream2 that they may dance and sing1 and eat and drink4 ,i will work towards that end with all my heart4 ,if employment they must have--and the restlessness of the mind will insure that some will be followed--then they will find scope enough in the perfection of their physical frames1 in the expansion of the mind1 and in the enlargement of the soul4 ,they shall not work for bread1 but for their souls4 ,i am willing to divide and share all ,i shall ever have for this purpose1 though ,i think the end will rather be gained by organisation than by sharing alone4 ,in these material things1 too1 ,i think that we require another circle of ideas1 and ,i believe that such ideas are possible1 and1 in a manner of speaking1 exist4 ,let me exhort every one to do their utmost to think outside and beyond our present circle of ideas4 ,for every idea gained is a hundred years of slavery remitted4 ,even with the idea of organisation which promises most ,i am not satisfied1 but endeavour to get beyond and outside it1 so that the time now necessary may be shortened4 ,besides which1 ,i see that many of our difficulties arise from obscure and remote causes--obscure like the shape of bones1 for whose strange curves there is no familiar term4 ,we must endeavour to understand the crookedness and unfamiliar curves of the conditions of life4 ,beyond that still there are other ideas4 ,never1 never rest contented with any circle of ideas1 but always be certain that a wider one is still possible4 ,for my thought is like a hyperbola that continually widens ascending4 ,for grief there is no known consolation4 ,it is useless to fill our hearts with bubbles4 ,a loved one gone is gone1 and as to the future--even if there is a future--it is unknown4 ,to assure ourselves otherwise is to soothe the mind with illusions2 the bitterness of it is inconsolable4 ,the sentiments of trust chipped out on tombstones are touching instances of the innate goodness of the human heart1 which naturally longs for good1 and sighs itself to sleep in the hope that1 if parted1 the parting is for the benefit of those that are gone4 ,but these inscriptions are also awful instances of the deep intellectual darkness which presses still on the minds of men4 ,the least thought erases them4 ,there is no consolation4 ,there is no relief4 ,there is no hope certain2 the whole system is a mere illusion4 ,i1 who hope so much1 and am so rapt up in the soul1 know full well that there is no certainty4 ,the tomb cries aloud to us--its dead silence presses on the drum of the ear like thunder1 saying1 ,look at this1 and erase your illusions2 now know the extreme value of human life2 reflect on this and strew human life with flowers2 save every hour for the sunshine2 let your labour be so ordered that in future times the loved ones may dwell longer with those who love them2 open your minds2 exalt your souls2 widen the sympathies of your hearts2 face the things that are now as you will face the reality of death2 make joy real now to those you love1 and help forward the joy of those yet to be born4 ,let these facts force the mind and the soul to the increase of thought1 and the consequent remission of misery2 so that those whose time it is to die may have enjoyed all that is possible in life4 ,lift up your mind and see now in this bitterness of parting1 in this absence of certainty1 the fact that there is no directing intelligence2 remember that this death is not of old age1 which no one living in the world has ever seen2 remember that old age is possible1 and perhaps even more than old age2 and beyond these earthly things-what8 ,none know4 ,but let us1 turning away from the illusion of a directing intelligence1 look earnestly for something better than a god1 seek for something higher than prayer1 and lift our souls to be with the more than immortal now4 ,a river runs itself clear during the night1 and in sleep thought becomes pellucid4 ,all the hurrying to and fro1 the unrest and stress1 the agitation and confusion subside4 ,like a sweet pure spring1 thought pours forth to meet the light1 and is illumined to its depths4 ,the dawn at my window ever causes a desire for larger thought1 the recognition of the light at the moment of waking kindles afresh the wish for a broad day of the mind4 ,there is a certainty that there are yet ideas further1 and greater--that there is still a limitless beyond4 ,i know at that moment that there is no limit to the things that may be yet in material and tangible shape besides the immaterial perceptions of the soul4 ,the dim white light of the dawn speaks it4 ,this prophet which has come with its wonders to the bedside of every human being for so many thousands of years faces me once again with the upheld finger of light4 ,where is the limit to that physical sign8 ,from space to the sky1 from the sky to the hills1 and the sea2 to every blade of grass1 to every leaf1 to the smallest insect1 to the million waves of ocean4 ,yet this earth itself appears but a mote in that sunbeam by which we are conscious of one narrow streak in the abyss4 ,a beam crosses my silent chamber from the window1 and atoms are visible in it2 a beam slants between the fir-trees1 and particles rise and fall within1 and cross it while the air each side seems void4 ,through the heavens a beam slants1 and we are aware of the star-stratum in which our earth moves4 ,but what may be without that stratum8 ,certainly it is not a void4 ,this light tells us much1 but ,i think in the course of time yet more delicate and subtle mediums than light may be found1 and through these we shall see into the shadows of the sky4 ,when will it be possible to be certain that the capacity of a single atom has been exhausted8 ,at any moment some fortunate incident may reveal a fresh power4 ,one by one the powers of light have been unfolded4 ,after thousands of years the telescope opened the stars1 the prism analysed the substance of the sun1 the microscope showed the minute structure of the rocks and the tissues of living bodies4 ,the winged men on the ,assyrian bas-reliefs1 the gods of the ,nile1 the chariot-borne immortals of ,olympus1 not the greatest of imagined beings ever possessed in fancied attributes one-tenth the power of light4 ,as the swallows twitter1 the dim white finger appears at my window full of wonders1 such as all the wise men in twelve thousand precedent years never even hoped to conceive4 ,but this is not all--light is not all2 light conceals more than it reveals2 light is the darkest shadow of the sky2 besides light there are many other mediums yet to be explored4 ,for thousands of years the sunbeams poured on the earth1 full as now of messages1 and light is not a hidden thing to be searched out with difficulty4 ,full in the faces of men the rays came with their intelligence from the sun when the papyri were painted beside the ancient ,nile1 but they were not understood4 ,this hour1 rays or undulations of more subtle mediums are doubtless pouring on us over the wide earth1 unrecognised1 and full of messages and intelligence from the unseen4 ,of these we are this day as ignorant as those who painted the papyri were of light4 ,there is an infinity of knowledge yet to be known1 and beyond that an infinity of thought4 ,no mental instrument even has yet been invented by which researches can be carried direct to the object4 ,whatever has been found has been discovered by fortunate accident2 in looking for one thing another has been chanced on4 ,a reasoning process has yet to be invented by which to go straight to the desired end4 ,for now the slightest particle is enough to throw the search aside1 and the most minute circumstance sufficient to conceal obvious and brilliantly shining truths4 ,one summer evening sitting by my window ,i watched for the first star to appear1 knowing the position of the brightest in the southern sky4 ,the dusk came on1 grew deeper1 but the star did not shine4 ,by-and-by1 other stars less bright appeared1 so that it could not be the sunset which obscured the expected one4 ,finally1 ,i considered that ,i must have mistaken its position1 when suddenly a puff of air blew through the branch of a pear-tree which overhung the window1 a leaf moved1 and there was the star behind the leaf4 ,at present the endeavour to make discoveries is like gazing at the sky up through the boughs of an oak4 ,here a beautiful star shines clearly2 here a constellation is hidden by a branch2 a universe by a leaf4 ,some mental instrument or organon is required to enable us to distinguish between the leaf which may be removed and a real void2 when to cease to look in one direction1 and to work in another4 ,many men of broad brow and great intellect lived in the days of ancient ,greece1 but for lack of the accident of a lens1 and of knowing the way to use a prism1 they could but conjecture imperfectly4 ,i am in exactly the position they were when ,i look beyond light4 ,outside my present knowledge ,i am exactly in their condition4 ,i feel that there are infinities to be known1 but they are hidden by a leaf4 ,if any one says to himself that the telescope1 and the microscope1 the prism1 and other discoveries have made all plain1 then he is in the attitude of those ancient priests who worshipped the scarabaeus or beetle4 ,so1 too1 it is with thought2 outside our present circle of ideas ,i believe there is an infinity of idea4 ,all this that has been effected with light has been done by bits of glass--mere bits of shaped glass1 quickly broken1 and made of flint1 so that by the rude flint our subtlest ideas are gained4 ,could we employ the ocean as a lens1 and force truth from the sky1 even then ,i think there would be much more beyond4 ,natural things are known to us only under two conditions--matter and force1 or matter and motion4 ,a third1 a fourth1 a fifth--no one can say how many conditions--may exist in the ultra-stellar space1 and such other conditions may equally exist about us now unsuspected4 ,something which is neither matter nor force is difficult to conceive1 yet1 ,i think1 it is certain that there are other conditions4 ,when the mind succeeds in entering on a wider series1 or circle of ideas1 other conditions would appear natural enough4 ,in this effort upwards ,i claim the assistance of the soul--the mind of the mind4 ,the eye sees1 the mind deliberates on what it sees1 the soul understands the operation of the mind4 ,before a bridge is built1 or a structure erected1 or an interoceanic canal made1 there must be a plan1 and before a plan the thought in the mind4 ,so that it is correct to say the mind bores tunnels through the mountains1 bridges the rivers1 and constructs the engines which are the pride of the world4 ,this is a wonderful tool1 but it is capable of work yet more wonderful in the exploration of the heavens4 ,now the soul is the mind of the mind4 ,it can build and construct and look beyond and penetrate space1 and create4 ,it is the keenest1 the sharpest tool possessed by man4 ,but what would be said if a carpenter about to commence a piece of work examined his tools and deliberately cast away that with the finest edge8 ,such is the conduct of those who reject the inner mind or psyche altogether4 ,so great is the value of the soul that it seems to me1 if the soul lived and received its aspirations it would not matter if the material universe melted away as snow4 ,many turn aside the instant the soul is mentioned1 and ,i sympathise with them in one sense2 they fear lest1 if they acknowledge it1 they will be fettered by medival conditions4 ,my contention is that the restrictions of the medival era should entirely be cast into oblivion1 but the soul recognised and employed4 ,instead of slurring over the soul1 ,i desire to see it at its highest perfection4 ,,chapter ,,xii ,subtle as the mind is1 it can effect little without knowledge4 ,it cannot construct a bridge1 or a building1 or make a canal1 or work a problem in algebra1 unless it is provided with information4 ,this is obvious1 and yet some say1 ,what can you effect by the soul8 ,i reply because it has had no employment4 ,mediaeval conditions kept it in slumber3 science refuses to accept it4 ,we are taught to employ our minds1 and furnished with materials4 ,the mind has its logic and exercise of geometry1 and thus assisted brings a great force to the solution of problems4 ,the soul remains untaught1 and can effect little4 ,i consider that the highest purpose of study is the education of the soul or psyche4 ,it is said that there is no proof of the existence of the soul1 but1 arguing on the same grounds1 there is no proof of the existence of the mind1 which is not a tangible thing4 ,for myself1 ,i feel convinced that there is a soul1 a mind of the mind--and that it really exists4 ,now1 glancing at the state of wild and uneducated men1 it is evident that they work with their hands and make various things almost instinctively4 ,but when they arrive at the idea of mind1 and say to themselves1 ,i possess a mind1 then they think and proceed farther1 forming designs and constructions both tangible and mental4 ,next then1 when we say1 ,i have a soul1 we can proceed to shape things yet further1 and to see deeper1 and penetrate the mystery4 ,by denying the existence and the power of the soul--refusing to employ it--we should go back more than twelve thousand written years of human history4 ,but instead of this1 ,i contend1 we should endeavour to go forward1 and to discover a fourth ,idea1 and after that a fifth1 and onwards continually4 ,i will not permit myself to be taken captive by observing physical phenomena1 as many evidently are4 ,some gases are mingled and produce a liquid2 certainly it is worth careful investigation1 but it is no more than the revolution of a wheel1 which is so often seen that it excites no surprise1 though1 in truth1 as wonderful4 ,so is all motion1 and so is a grain of sand2 there is nothing that is not wonderful2 as1 for instance1 the fact of the existence of things at all4 ,but the intense concentration of the mind on mechanical effects appears often to render it incapable of perceiving anything that is not mechanical4 ,some compounds are observed to precipitate crystals1 all of which contain known angles4 ,thence it is argued that all is mechanical1 and that action occurs in set ways only4 ,there is a tendency to lay it down as an infallible law that because we see these things therefore everything else that exists in space must be or move exactly in the same manner4 ,but ,i do not think that because crystals are precipitated with fixed angles therefore the whole universe is necessarily mechanical4 ,i think there are things exempt from mechanical rules4 ,the restriction of thought to purely mechanical grooves blocks progress in the same way as the restrictions of medival superstition4 ,let the mind think1 dream1 imagine3 let it have perfect freedom4 ,to shut out the soul is to put us back more than twelve thousand years4 ,just as outside light1 and the knowledge gained from light1 there are1 ,i think1 other mediums from which1 in times to come1 intelligence will be obtained1 so outside the mental and the spiritual ideas we now possess ,i believe there exists a whole circle of ideas4 ,in the conception of the idea that there are others1 ,i lay claim to another idea4 ,the mind is infinite and able to understand everything that is brought before it2 there is no limit to its understanding4 ,the limit is in the littleness of the things and the narrowness of the ideas which have been put for it to consider4 ,for the philosophies of old time past and the discoveries of modern research are as nothing to it4 ,they do not fill it4 ,when they have been read1 the mind passes on1 and asks for more4 ,the utmost of them1 the whole together1 make a mere nothing4 ,these things have been gathered together by immense labour1 labour so great that it is a weariness to think of it2 but yet1 when all is summed up and written1 the mind receives it all as easily as the hand picks flowers4 ,it is like one sentence--read and gone4 ,the mind requires more1 and more1 and more4 ,it is so strong that all that can be put before it is devoured in a moment4 ,left to itself it will not be satisfied with an invisible idol any more than with a wooden one4 ,an idol whose attributes are omnipresence1 omnipotence1 and so on1 is no greater than light or electricity1 which are present everywhere and all-powerful1 and from which perhaps the thought arose4 ,prayer which receives no reply must be pronounced in vain4 ,the mind goes on and requires more than these1 something higher than prayer1 something higher than a god4 ,i have been obliged to write these things by an irresistible impulse which has worked in me since early youth4 ,they have not been written for the sake of argument1 still less for any thought of profit1 rather indeed the reverse4 ,they have been forced from me by earnestness of heart1 and they express my most serious convictions4 ,for seventeen years they have been lying in my mind1 continually thought of and pondered over4 ,i was not more than eighteen when an inner and esoteric meaning began to come to me from all the visible universe1 and indefinable aspirations filled me4 ,i found them in the grass fields1 under the trees1 on the hill-tops1 at sunrise1 and in the night4 ,there was a deeper meaning everywhere4 ,the sun burned with it1 the broad front of morning beamed with it2 a deep feeling entered me while gazing at the sky in the azure noon1 and in the star-lit evening4 ,i was sensitive to all things1 to the earth under1 and the star-hollow round about2 to the least blade of grass1 to the largest oak4 ,they seemed like exterior nerves and veins for the conveyance of feeling to me4 ,sometimes a very ecstasy of exquisite enjoyment of the entire visible universe filled me4 ,i was aware that in reality the feeling and the thought were in me1 and not in the earth or sun2 yet ,i was more conscious of it when in company with these4 ,a visit to the sea increased the strength of the original impulse4 ,i began to make efforts to express these thoughts in writing1 but could not succeed to my own liking4 ,time went on1 and harder experiences1 and the pressure of labour came1 but in no degree abated the fire of first thought4 ,again and again ,i made resolutions that ,i would write it1 in some way or other1 and as often failed4 ,i could express any other idea with ease1 but not this4 ,once especially ,i remember1 in a short interval of distasteful labour1 walking away to a spot by a brook which skirts an ancient ,roman wall1 and there trying to determine and really commence to work4 ,again ,i failed4 ,more time1 more changes1 and still the same thought running beneath everything4 ,at last1 in #ahhj1 in the old castle of ,pevensey1 under happy circumstances1 once more ,i resolved1 and actually did write down a few notes4 ,even then ,i could not go on1 but ,i kept the notes 7,i had destroyed all former beginnings71 and in the end1 two years afterwards1 commenced this book4 ,after all this time and thought it is only a fragment1 and a fragment scarcely hewn4 ,had ,i not made it personal ,i could scarcely have put it into any shape at all4 ,but ,i felt that ,i could no longer delay1 and that it must be done1 however imperfectly4 ,i am only too conscious of its imperfections1 for ,i have as it were seventeen years of consciousness of my own inability to express this the idea of my life4 ,i can only say that many of these short sentences are the result of long-continued thought4 ,one of the greatest difficulties ,i have encountered is the lack of words to express ideas4 ,by the word soul1 or psyche1 ,i mean that inner consciousness which aspires4 ,by prayer ,i do not mean a request for anything preferred to a deity2 ,i mean intense soul-emotion1 intense aspiration4 ,the word immortal is very inconvenient1 and yet there is no other to convey the idea of soul-life4 ,even these definitions are deficient1 and ,i must leave my book as a whole to give its own meaning to its words4 ,time has gone on1 and still1 after so much pondering1 ,i feel that ,i know nothing1 that ,i have not yet begun2 ,i have only just commenced to realise the immensity of thought which lies outside the knowledge of the senses4 ,still1 on the hills and by the seashore1 ,i seek and pray deeper than ever4 ,the sun burns southwards over the sea and before the wave runs its shadow1 constantly slipping on the advancing slope till it curls and covers its dark image at the shore4 ,over the rim of the horizon waves are flowing as high and wide as those that break upon the beach4 ,these that come to me and beat the trembling shore are like the thoughts that have been known so long2 like the ancient1 iterated1 and reiterated thoughts that have broken on the strand of mind for thousands of years4 ,beyond and over the horizon ,i feel that there are other waves of ideas unknown to me1 flowing as the stream of ocean flows4 ,knowledge of facts is limitless3 they lie at my feet innumerable like the countless pebbles2 knowledge of thought so circumscribed6 ,ever the same thoughts come that have been written down centuries and centuries4 ,let me launch forth and sail over the rim of the sea yonder1 and when another rim arises over that1 and again and onwards into an ever-widening ocean of idea and life4 ,for with all the strength of the wave1 and its succeeding wave1 the depth and race of the tide1 the clear definition of the sky2 with all the subtle power of the great sea1 there rises an equal desire4 ,give me life strong and full as the brimming ocean2 give me thoughts wide as its plain2 give me a soul beyond these4 ,sweet is the bitter sea by the shore where the faint blue pebbles are lapped by the green-grey wave1 where the wind-quivering foam is loth to leave the lashed stone4 ,sweet is the bitter sea1 and the clear green in which the gaze seeks the soul1 looking through the glass into itself4 ,the sea thinks for me as ,i listen and ponder2 the sea thinks1 and every boom of the wave repeats my prayer4 ,sometimes ,i stay on the wet sands as the tide rises1 listening to the rush of the lines of foam in layer upon layer2 the wash swells and circles about my feet1 ,i have my hands in it1 ,i lift a little in my hollowed palm1 ,i take the life of the sea to me4 ,my soul rising to the immensity utters its desire-prayer with all the strength of the sea4 ,or1 again1 the full stream of ocean beats upon the shore1 and the rich wind feeds the heart1 the sun burns brightly2 the sense of soul-life burns in me like a torch4 ,leaving the shore ,i walk among the trees2 a cloud passes1 and the sweet short rain comes mingled with sunbeams and flower-scented air4 ,the finches sing among the fresh green leaves of the beeches4 ,beautiful it is1 in summer days1 to see the wheat wave1 and the long grass foam--flecked of flower yield and return to the wind4 ,my soul of itself always desires2 these are to it as fresh food4 ,i have found in the hills another valley grooved in prehistoric times1 where1 climbing to the top of the hollow1 ,i can see the sea4 ,down in the hollow ,i look up2 the sky stretches over1 the sun burns as it seems but just above the hill1 and the wind sweeps onward4 ,as the sky extends beyond the valley1 so ,i know that there are ideas beyond the valley of my thought2 ,i know that there is something infinitely higher than deity4 ,the great sun burning in the sky1 the sea1 the firm earth1 all the stars of night are feeble--all1 all the cosmos is feeble2 it is not strong enough to utter my prayer-desire4 ,my soul cannot reach to its full desire of prayer4 ,i need no earth1 or sea1 or sun to think my thought4 ,if my thought-part--the psyche--were entirely separated from the body1 and from the earth1 ,i should of myself desire the same4 ,in itself my soul desires2 my existence1 my soul-existence is in itself my prayer1 and so long as it exists so long will it pray that ,i may have the fullest soul-life4