,,autobiography ,,( ,,madame ,,guyon ,,9 ,,two ,,p>ts ,,moody ,,press ,,*icago ,pr9t$ 9 ! ,unit$ ,/ates ( ,am]ica ,,introduction ,9 ! hi/ory ( ! _w few p]sons h atta9$ t high degree ( spirituality rea*$ by ,madame ,guyon4 ,born 9 a corrupt age1 9 a nation m>k$ = its deg5]acy2 nurs$ & re>$ 9 a *ur*1 z pr(ligate z ! _w 9 :i* x 0 emb$d$2 p]secut$ at e /ep ( h] c>e]2 grop+ z %e did 9 spiritual desolation & ignorance1 nev]!less1 %e arose to ! highe/ p9nacle ( pre-em95ce 9 spirituality & ,*ri/ian devotion4 ,%e liv$ & di$ 9 ! ,ca?olic ,*ur*2 yet 0 torm5t$ & afflict$2 0 maltreat$ & abus$2 & 0 imprison$ = ye>s by ! highe/ au?orities ( t *ur*4 ,h] sole crime 0 t ( lov+ ,god4 ,! gr\nd ( h] (f5se 0 f\nd 9 h] supreme devotion & unmeasur$ atta*m5t to ,*ri/4 ,:5 !y dem&$ h] money & e/ate1 %e gladly surr5d]$ !m1 ev5 to h] impov]i%m5t1 b x avail$ no?+4 ,! crime ( lov+ ,him 9 :om h] :ole be+ 0 absorb$1 nev] c\ld be mitigat$1 or =giv54 ,%e lov$ only to d good to h] fell[-creatures1 & to su* an ext5t 0 %e fill$ ) ! ,holy ,gho/1 & ) ! p[] ( ,god1 t %e wr\ght wond]s 9 h] day1 & has n ceas$ to influ5ce ! ages t h foll[$4 ,view$ f a human /&po9t1 x is a sublime spectacle1 to see a solit>y woman subv]t all ! ma*9ations ( k+s & c\rti]s2 laugh to scorn all ! malignant eng9]y ( ! papal inquisition1 & sil5ce1 & conf\nd ! pret5sions ( ! mo/ le>n$ div9es4 ,%e n only saw m cle>ly ! sublime/ tru?s ( our mo/ holy ,*ri/ianity1 b %e bask$ 9 ! cle>e/ & mo/ beautiful sunlight :ile !y grop$ 9 d>kness4 ,%e grasp$ ) ease ! deepe/ & sublime/ tru?s ( holy ,writ1 :ile !y 7 lo/ 9 ! mazes ( _! own pr(\nd ignorance4 ,"o di/+ui%$ div9e 0 delight$ to sit at h] feet4 ,at fir/ he he>d h] ) di/ru/2 !n ) admiration4 ,f9ally he op5$ 8 he>t to ! tru?1 & /ret*$ =? 8 h& to be l$ by ?is sa9t ( ,god into ! ,holy ( ,holies :]e %e dwelt4 ,we allude to ! di/+ui%$ ,ar*bi%op ,f5elon1 ^: sweet _s & *>m+ writ+s h be5 a bless+ to e g5]ation foll[+ him4 ,we (f] no ^w ( apology = publi%+ 9 ! ,autobiography ( ,madame ,guyon1 ^? expressions ( devotion to h] *ur*1 t f\nd v5t 9 h] writ+s4 ,%e 0 a true ,ca?olic :5 prote/antism 0 9 its infancy4 ,!re c be no d\bt t ,god1 by a special int]position ( ,8 ,provid5ce1 caus$ h] to commit h] life s m9utely to writ+4 ,! duty 0 enjo9$ ^u h] by h] spiritual director1 :om ! rules ( h] *ur* made x obligatory ^u h] to obey4 ,x 0 writt5 :ile %e 0 inc>c]at$ 9 ! cell ( a lonely prison4 ,! same all-wise ,provid5ce pres]v$ x f de/ruction4 ,we h n a %ad[ ( d\bt t x is de/9$ to accompli% t5fold m 9 ! future ?an x has accompli%$ 9 ! pa/4 ,inde$1 ! ,*ri/ian _w is only beg9n+ to und]/& & appreciate x1 & ! hope & pray] ( ! publi%] is1 t ?\s&s may1 ?r\gh its in/rum5tality1 be br\ght into ! same intimate communion & fell[%ip ) ,god1 t 0 s ri*ly enjoy$ by ,madame ,guyon4 ,e4 ,j4 ,,cont5ts ,,"p ,,"o ,*apt] #a #ac ,*apt] #b #ai ,*apt] #c #be ,*apt] #d #cj ,*apt] #e #ch ,*apt] #f #di ,*apt] #g #fj ,*apt] #h #fh ,*apt] #i #gf ,*apt] #aj #gi ,*apt] #aa #hd ,*apt] #ab #hi ,*apt] #ac #ajj ,*apt] #ad #ajh ,*apt] #ae #aac ,*apt] #af #aba ,*apt] #ag #abh ,*apt] #ah #acd ,*apt] #ai #adj ,*apt] #bj #adh ,*apt] #ba #aef ,*apt] #bb #afj ,*apt] #bc #afg ,*apt] #bd #agc ,*apt] #be #agh ,*apt] #bf #ahe ,*apt] #bg #aia ,*apt] #bh #aig ,*apt] #bi #bje ,,"p ,,two ,*apt] #a #bai ,*apt] #b #bbe ,*apt] #c #bca ,*apt] #d #bcf ,*apt] #e #bdb ,*apt] #f #bdh ,*apt] #g #bee ,*apt] #h #bfa ,*apt] #i #bff ,*apt] #aj #bgb ,*apt] #aa #bgg ,*apt] #ab #bhb ,*apt] #ac #bic ,*apt] #ad #cjb ,*apt] #ae #cji ,*apt] #af #caf ,*apt] #ag #cbf ,*apt] #ah #cdc ,*apt] #ai #cec ,*apt] #bj #cfd ,*apt] #ba #cgd ,,madame ,,guyon ,,"p ,,"o ,,*apt] #a ,!re 7 omissions ( importance 9 ! =m] n>ration ( my life4 ,i will+ly comply ) y\r desire1 9 giv+ y a m circum/antial relation2 ?\gh ! labor seems r pa9ful1 z ,i _c use mu* /udy or reflection4 ,my e>ne/ wi% is to pa9t 9 true colors ! goodness ( ,god to me1 & ! dep? ( my own +ratitude--b x is impossible1 z numb]less little circum/ances h escap$ my memory4 ,y are also unwill+ ,i %\ld give y a m9ute acc\nt ( my s9s4 ,i %all1 h[ev]1 try to leave out z few faults z possible4 ,i dep5d on y to de/roy x1 :5 y\r s\l ha? drawn ^? spiritual advantages :i* ,god int5d$1 & = :i* purpose ,i am will+ to sacrifice all ?+s4 ,i am fully p]suad$ ( ,8 designs t[>d y1 z well = ! sanctification ( o!rs1 z = y\r own sanctification4 ,let me assure y1 ?is is n atta9$1 save ?r\gh pa91 we>9ess & labor2 & x w be rea*$ by a pa? t w wond]fully disappo9t y\r expectations4 ,nev]!less1 if y are fully conv9c$ t x is on ! no?+ 9 man t ,god e/abli%es 8 greate/ works1--y w be 9 "p gu>d$ aga9/ disappo9tm5t or surprise4 ,he de/roys t he might build2 = :5 ,he is ab\t to re> ,8 sacr$ temple 9 u1 ,he fir/ totally razes t va9 & pomp\s edifice1 :i* human art & p[] _h erect$1 & f its horrible ru9s a new /ructure is =m$1 by ,8 p[] only4 ,oh1 t y c\ld compreh5d ! dep? ( ?is my/]y1 & le>n ! secrets ( ! conduct ( ,god1 reveal$ to babes1 b hid f ! wise & great ( ?is _w1 :o ?9k !mselves ! ,"l's c\nselor's1 & capable ( inve/igat+ ,8 proc$ures1 & suppose !y h atta9$ t div9e wisdom hidd5 f ! eyes ( all :o live 9 self1 & are envelop$ 9 _! own works4 ,:o by a lively g5ius & elevat$ faculties m\nt up to ,heav51 & ?9k to compreh5d ! height & dep? & l5g? & bread? ( ,god4 ,?is div9e wisdom is unkn[n1 ev5 to ^? :o pass 9 ! _w = p]sons ( extraord9>y illum9ation & k4 ,to :om !n is %e kn[n1 & :o c tell u any tid+s conc]n+ h]8 ,de/ruction & dea? assure u1 t !y h he>d ) _! e>s ( h] fame & r5[n4 ,x is1 !n1 9 dy+ to all ?+s1 & 9 be+ truly lo/ to !m1 pass+ =w>d into ,god1 & exi/+ only 9 ,him1 t we atta9 to "s k ( ! true wisdom4 ,oh1 h[ little are h] ways kn[n1 & h] deal+s ) h] mo/ *os5 s]vants4 ,sc>ce d we discov] any?+ !re(1 b surpris$ at ! dissimilitude betwixt ! tru? we ?us discov] & our =m] ideas ( x1 we cry out ) ,/4 ,paul1 ,oh1 ! dep? ( ! k & wisdom ( ,god6 h[ unse>*able are 8 judgm5ts1 & 8 ways pa/ f9d+ out4 ,! ,"l judge? n ( ?+s z m5 d1 :o call good evil & evil good1 & acc\nt t z righte\sness :i* is abom9able 9 ,8 sight1 & :i* accord+ to ! prophet ,he reg>ds z fil?y rags4 ,he w ent] into /rict judgm5t ) ^! self-righte\s1 & !y %all1 l ! ,ph>isees1 be r subjects ( ,8 wra?1 ?an objects ( ,8 love1 or inh]itors ( ,8 rew>ds4 ,do? n ,*ri/ ,himself assure u1 t except our righte\sness exce$ t ( ! scribes & ph>isees we %all 9 no case ent] into ! k+dom ( heav54 ,& :i* ( u ev5 approa*es !m 9 righte\sness2 or1 if we live 9 ! practice ( virtues1 ?\gh mu* inf]ior to !irs1 are we n t5fold m o/5tati\s8 ,:o is n pleas$ to behold himself righte\s 9 8 own eyes1 & 9 ! eyes ( o!rs8 or1 :o is x d\bts t su* righte\sness is suffici5t to please ,god8 ,yet1 we see ! indignation ( our ,"l manife/$ aga9/ su*4 ,he :o 0 ! p]fect patt]n ( t5d]ness & meekness1 su* z fl[$ f ! dep? ( ! he>t1 & n t affect$ meekness1 :i* "u ! =m ( a dove1 hides ! hawk's he>t4 ,he appe>s sev]e only to ^! self-righte\s p1 & ,he publicly di%onor$ !m4 ,9 :at /range colors does ,he repres5t !m1 :ile ,he beholds ! poor s9n] ) m]cy1 compassion & love1 & decl>es t = !m only ,he 0 come1 t x 0 ! sick :o ne$$ ! physician2 & t ,he came only to save ! lo/ %eep ( ! h\se ( ,israel4 ,o ?\ ,s\rce ( ,love6 ,?\ do/ inde$ seem s jeal\s ( ! salvation ,?\ ha/ pur*as$1 t ,?\ do/ pref] ! s9n] to ! righte\s6 ,! poor s9n] beholds himself vile & wret*$1 is 9 a mann] con/ra9$ to dete/ himself2 & f9d+ 8 /ate s horrible1 ca/s himself 9 8 desp]ation into ! arms ( 8 ,savi\r1 & plunges into ! heal+ f\nta91 & comes =? :ite z wool4 ,!n conf\nd$ at ! review ( 8 disord]$ /ate1 & ov]fl[+ ) love = ,him1 :o hav+ alone ! p[]1 _h also ! compassion to save him--! excess ( 8 love is proportion$ to ! enormity ( 8 crimes1 & ! fullness ( 8 gratitude to ! ext5t ( ! debt remitt$4 ,! self-righte\s1 rely+ on ! _m good works he imag9es he has p]=m$1 seems to hold salvation 9 8 own h&1 & consid]s ,heav5 z a j rew>d ( 8 m]its4 ,9 ! bitt]ness ( 8 zeal he exclaims aga9/ all s9n]s1 & repres5ts ! gates ( m]cy z b>r$ aga9/ !m1 & ,heav5 z a place to :i* !y h no claim4 ,:at ne$ h su* self-righte\s p]sons ( a ,savi\r8 !y are already burd5$ ) ! load ( _! own m]its4 ,oh1 h[ long !y be> ! flatt]+ load1 :ile s9n]s dive/$ ( ev]y?+1 fly rapidly on ! w+s ( fai? & love into _! ,savi\r's arms1 :o freely be/[s on !m t :i* he has s freely promis$6 ,h[ full ( self-love are ! self-righte\s1 & h[ void ( ! love ( ,god6 ,!y e/eem & admire !mselves 9 _! works ( righte\sness1 :i* !y suppose to be a f\nta9 ( happ9ess4 ,^! works are no soon] expos$ to ! ,sun ( ,righte\sness1 ?an !y discov] all to be s full ( impurity & bas5ess1 t x frets !m to ! he>t4 ,mean:ile ! poor s9n]1 ,magdal5e1 is p>don$ because %e loves mu*1 & h] fai? & love are accept$ z righte\sness4 ,! inspir$ ,paul1 :o s well und]/ood ^! great tru?s & s fully inve/igat$ !m1 assures u t ! fai? ( ,abraham 0 imput$ to him = righte\sness4 ,?is is truly beautiful = x is c]ta9 t all ( t holy patri>*'s actions 7 /rictly righte\s2 yet1 n see+ !m z su*1 & be+ devoid ( ! love ( !m1 & dive/$ ( selfi%ness1 8 fai? 0 f\nd$ on ! com+ ,*ri/4 ,he hop$ 9 ,him ev5 aga9/ hope itself1 & ?is 0 imput$ to him = righte\sness1 7,rom4 #da3 #ah1 #bb17 a pure1 simple & g5u9e righte\sness1 wr\ght by ,*ri/1 & n a righte\sness wr\ght by himself1 & reg>d$ z ( himself4 ,y may imag9e ?is a digression wide ( ! subject1 b x leads ins5sibly to x4 ,x %[s t ,god accompli%es ,8 "w ei!r 9 conv]t$ s9n]s1 ^: pa/ iniquities s]ve z a c\nt]poise to _! elevation1 or 9 p]sons ^: self-righte\sness ,he de/roys1 by totally ov]?r[+ ! pr\d build+ !y _h re>$ on a s&y f\ndation1 in/ead ( ! ,rock--,,*ri/4 ,! e/abli%m5t ( all ^! ends1 :i* ,he propos$ 9 com+ into ! _w1 is effect$ by ! app>5t ov]?r[ ( t v /ructure :i* 9 reality ,he w\ld erect4 ,by means :i* seem to de/roy ,8 ,*ur*1 ,he e/abli%es x4 ,h[ /rangely does ,he f\nd ! new disp5sation & give x ,8 sanction6 ,! legislator ,himself is condemn$ by ! le>n$ & great1 z a malefactor1 & dies an ignom9i\s dea?4 ,oh1 t we fully und]/ood h[ v opposite our self-righte\sness is to ! designs ( ,god--x w\ld be a subject = endless humiliation1 & we %\ld h an utt] di/ru/ 9 t :i* at pres5t con/itutes ! :ole ( our dep5d5ce4 ,f a j love ( ,8 supreme p[]1 & a righte\s jeal\sy ( mank9d1 :o attribute to ea* o!r ! gifts ,he ,himself be/[s ^u !m1 x pleas$ ,him to take "o ( ! mo/ unwor?y ( ! creation1 to make kn[n ! fact t ,8 graces are ! effects ( ,8 w1 n ! fruits ( our m]its4 ,x is ! prop]ty ( ,8 wisdom to de/roy :at is pr\dly built1 & to build :at is de/roy$2 to make use ( weak ?+s to conf\nd ! mighty & to employ 9 ,8 s]vice su* z appe> vile & contemptible4 ,?is ,he does 9 a mann] s a/oni%+1 z to r5d] !m ! objects ( ! scorn & contempt ( ! _w4 ,x is n to draw public approbation ^u !m1 t ,he makes !m in/rum5tal 9 ! salvation ( o!rs2 b to r5d] !m ! objects ( _! dislike & ! subjects ( _! insults2 z y w see 9 ?is life y h enjo9$ ^u me to write4 ,,*apt] #b ,i 0 born on ,april #ah1 #afdh4 ,my p>5ts1 p>ticul>ly my fa!r1 0 extremely pi\s2 b to him x 0 a mann] h]$it>y4 ,_m ( 8 =efa!rs 7 sa9ts4 ,my "m1 9 ! eigh? mon?1 0 accid5tally fright5$1 :i* caus$ an abortion4 ,x is g5]ally imag9$ t a *ild born 9 t mon? _c survive4 ,inde$1 ,i 0 s excessively ill1 imm$iately aft] my bir?1 t all ab\t me despair$ ( my life1 & 7 appreh5sive ,i %\ld die )\t baptism4 ,p]ceiv+ "s signs ( vitality1 !y ran to acqua9t my fa!r1 :o imm$iately br\ght a prie/2 b on ent]+ ! *amb] !y 7 told ^? symptoms :i* _h rais$ _! hopes 7 only expir+ /ruggles1 & all 0 ov]4 ,i _h no soon] %[n signs ( life aga91 ?an ,i aga9 relaps$1 & rema9$ s long 9 an unc]ta9 /ate1 t x 0 "s "t be=e !y c\ld f9d a prop] opportunity to baptize me4 ,i cont9u$ v unheal?y until ,i 0 two & a half ye>s old1 :5 !y s5t me to ! conv5t ( ! ,ursul9es1 :]e ,i rema9$ a few mon?s4 ,on my return1 my "m neglect$ to pay due att5tion to my education4 ,%e 0 n fond ( daught]s & ab&on$ me :olly to ! c>e ( s]vants4 ,inde$1 ,i %\ld h suff]$ sev]ely f _! inatt5tion to me _h n an all-wat*ful ,provid5ce be5 my protector3 = ?r\gh my livel9ess1 ,i met ) v>i\s accid5ts4 ,i frequ5tly fell into a deep vault t held our firewood2 h[ev]1 ,i always escap$ unhurt4 ,! ,dut*ess ( ,montbason came to ! conv5t ( ! ,b5$ict9es1 :5 ,i 0 ab\t f\r ye>s old4 ,%e _h a great fri5d%ip = my fa!r1 & obta9$ 8 p]mission t ,i %\ld g to ! same conv5t4 ,%e took peculi> delight 9 my sportiv5ess & c]ta9 sweetness 9 my ext]nal deportm5t4 ,i became h] con/ant companion4 ,i 0 guilty ( frequ5t & dang]\s irregul>ities 9 ?is h\se1 & committ$ s]i\s faults4 ,i _h good examples be=e me1 & be+ naturally well incl9$1 ,i foll[$ !m1 :5 !re 7 none to turn me aside4 ,i lov$ to he> ,god spok5 (1 to be at *ur*1 & to be dress$ 9 a religi\s g>b4 ,i 0 told ( t]rors ( ,hell :i* ,i imag9$ 0 int5d$ to intimidate me z ,i 0 exce$+ly lively1 & full ( a little petulant vivacity :i* !y call$ wit4 ,! succe$+ night ,i dream$ ( ,hell1 & ?\gh ,i 0 s "y1 "t has nev] be5 able to efface ! frightful ideas impress$ ^u my imag9ation4 ,all appe>$ horrible d>kness1 :]e s\ls 7 puni%$1 & my place among !m 0 po9t$ out4 ,at ?is ,i wept bitt]ly1 & cri$1 ,oh1 my ,god1 if ,?\ wilt h m]cy ^u me1 & sp>e me yet a little long]1 ,i w nev] m (f5d ,!e4 ,& ?\ did/1 ,o ,"l1 9 m]cy he>k5 unto my cry1 & p\r ^u me /r5g? & c\rage to s]ve !e1 9 an uncommon mann] = "o ( my age4 ,i want$ to g privately to confession1 b be+ little1 ! mi/ress ( ! bo>d]s c>ri$ me to ! prie/1 & /ay$ ) me :ile ,i 0 he>d4 ,%e 0 mu* a/oni%$ :5 ,i m5tion$ t ,i _h sugge/ions aga9/ ! fai?1 & ! confessor began to laugh1 & inquire :at !y 74 ,i told him t till !n ,i _h d\bt$ !re 0 su* a place z ,hell1 & suppos$ my mi/ress _h spok5 ( x m]ely to make me good1 b n[ my d\bts 7 all remov$4 ,aft] confession my he>t gl[$ ) a k9d ( f]vor1 & at "o "t ,i felt a desire to suff] m>tyrdom4 ,! good girls ( ! h\se1 to amuse !mselves1 & to see h[ f> ?is gr[+ f]vor w\ld c>ry me1 desir$ me to prep>e = m>tyrdom4 ,i f\nd great f]v5cy & delight 9 pray]1 & 0 p]suad$ t ?is ardor1 :i* 0 z new z x 0 pleas+1 0 a pro( ( ,god's love4 ,?is inspir$ me ) su* c\rage & resolution1 t ,i e>ne/ly bes\ght !m to proce$1 t ,i might !reby ent] into ,8 sacr$ pres5ce1 b 0 !re n lat5t hypocrisy "h8 ,did ,i n imag9e t x 0 possible !y w\ld n kill me1 & t ,i w\ld h ! m]it ( m>tyrdom )\t suff]+ x8 ,inde$1 x appe>$ !re 0 some?+ ( ?is nature 9 x4 ,be+ plac$ kneel+ on a clo? spread = ! purpose1 & see+ beh9d me a l>ge sword lift$ up :i* !y _h prep>$ to try h[ f> my ardor w\ld c>ry me ,i cri$1 ,hold6 x is n "r ,i %\ld die )\t fir/ obta9+ my fa!r's p]mission4 ,i 0 quickly upbraid$ ) hav+ said ?is t ,i might escape1 & t ,i 0 no long] a m>tyr4 ,i cont9u$ long disconsolate1 & w\ld receive no com=t2 some?+ inw>dly reprov$ me1 = n hav+ embrac$ t opportunity ( go+ to ,heav51 :5 x re/$ altoge!r on my own *oice4 ,at my solicitation1 & on acc\nt ( my fall+ s frequ5tly sick1 ,i 0 at l5g? tak5 home4 ,on my return1 my "m hav+ a maid 9 :om %e plac$ confid5ce1 left me aga9 to ! c>e ( s]vants4 ,x is a great fault1 ( :i* mo!rs are guilty1 :5 "u pretext ( ext]nal devotions1 or o!r engagem5ts1 !y suff] _! daught]s to be abs5t f !m4 ,i =be> n condemn+ t unju/ p>tiality ) :i* p>5ts treat "s ( _! *ildr54 ,x is frequ5tly productive ( divisions 9 families1 & ev5 ! ru9 ( "s4 ,imp>tiality1 by unit+ *ildr5's he>ts toge!r1 lays ! f\ndation ( la/+ h>mony & unanimity4 ,i w\ld ,i 7 able to conv9ce p>5ts1 & all :o h ! c>e ( y\?1 ( ! great att5tion !y require1 & h[ dang]\s x is to let !m be = any l5g? ( "t f "u _! eye1 or to suff] !m to be )\t "s k9d ( employm5t4 ,?is neglig5ce is ! ru9 ( multitudes ( girls4 ,h[ greatly x is to be lam5t$1 t mo!rs :o are incl9$ to piety1 %\ld p]v]t ev5 ! means ( salvation to _! de/ruction--commit ! greate/ irregul>ities :ile app>5tly pursu+ t :i* %\ld produce ! mo/ regul> & circumspect conduct4 ,?us1 because !y exp]i5ce c]ta9 ga9s 9 pray]1 !y w\ld be all day long at *ur*2 mean:ile _! *ildr5 are runn+ to de/ruction4 ,we glorify ,god mo/ :5 we prev5t :at may (f5d ,him4 ,:at mu/ be ! nature ( t sacrifice :i* is ! occasion ( s96 ,god %\ld be s]v$ 9 ,8 own way4 ,let ! devotion ( mo!rs be regulat$ s z to prev5t _! daught]s f /ray+4 ,treat !m z si/]s1 n z slaves4 ,appe> pleas$ ) _! little amusem5ts4 ,! *ildr5 w delight !n 9 ! pres5ce ( _! mo!rs1 in/ead ( avoid+ x4 ,if !y f9d s mu* happ9ess ) !m1 !y w n dream ( seek+ x else:]e4 ,mo!rs frequ5tly d5y _! *ildr5 any lib]ties4 ,l birds con/antly conf9$ to a cage1 !y no soon] f9d means ( escape ?an (f !y g1 nev] to return4 ,9 ord] to r5d] !m tame & docile :5 "y1 !y %\ld be p]mitt$ sometimes to take w+1 b z _! flight is weak1 & closely wat*$1 x is easy to retake !m :5 !y escape4 ,little flight gives !m ! habit ( naturally return+ to _! cage :i* becomes an agreeable conf9em5t4 ,i believe "y girls %\ld be treat$ 9 a mann] some?+ simil> to ?is4 ,mo!rs %\ld indulge !m 9 an innoc5t lib]ty1 b %\ld nev] lose sight ( !m4 ,to gu>d ! t5d] m9ds ( *ildr5 f :at is wrong1 mu* c>e %\ld be tak5 to employ !m 9 agreeable & useful matt]s4 ,!y %\ld n be load$ ) food !y _c reli%4 ,milk suit$ to babies %\ld be adm9i/]$ to !m n /rong meat :i* may s disgu/ !m1 t :5 !y arrive at an age :5 x w\ld be prop] n\ri%m5t1 !y w n s mu* z ta/e x4 ,e day !y %\ld be oblig$ to read a little 9 "s good book1 sp5d "s "t 9 pray]1 :i* mu/ be suit$ r to /ir ! affections1 ?an = m$itation4 ,oh1 7 ?is me?od ( education pursu$1 h[ spe$ily w\ld _m irregul>ities cease6 ,^! daught]s becom+ mo!rs1 w\ld educate _! *ildr5 z !y !mselves _h be5 educat$4 ,p>5ts %\ld also avoid %[+ ! smalle/ p>tiality 9 ! treatm5t ( _! *ildr54 ,x begets a secret jeal\sy & hatr$ among !m1 :i* frequ5tly augm5ts ) "t1 & ev5 cont9ues until dea?4 ,h[ (t5 d we see "s *ildr5 ! idols ( ! h\se1 behav+ l absolute tyrants1 treat+ _! bro!rs & si/]s z s _m slaves accord+ to ! example ( fa!r & "m4 ,& x happ5s _m times1 t ! favorite proves a sc\rge to ! p>5ts :ile ! poor despis$ & hat$ "o becomes _! consolation & support4 ,my "m 0 v defective 9 ! education ( h] *ildr54 ,%e suff]$ me :ole days f h] pres5ce 9 company ) ! s]vants1 ^: conv]sation & example 7 p>ticul>ly hurtful to "o ( my disposition4 ,my "m's he>t seem$ :olly c5t]$ 9 my bro!r4 ,i 0 sc>cely ev] favor$ ) ! smalle/ in/ance ( h] t5d]ness or affection4 ,i !re=e volunt>ily abs5t$ myself f h]4 ,x is true1 my bro!r 0 m amiable ?an ,i b ! excess ( h] fondness = him1 made h] bl9d ev5 to my outw>d good qualities4 ,x s]v$ only to discov] my faults1 :i* w\ld h be5 trifl+ _h prop] c>e be5 tak5 ( me4 ,,*apt] #c ,my fa!r :o lov$ me t5d]ly & see+ h[ little my education 0 att5d$ to s5t me to a conv5t ( ! ,ursul9es4 ,i 0 ne> sev5 ye>s old4 ,9 ?is h\se 7 two half si/]s ( m9e1 ! "o by my fa!r1 ! o!r by my "m4 ,my fa!r plac$ me "u 8 daught]'s c>e1 a p]son ( ! great capacity & mo/ exalt$ piety1 excell5tly qualifi$ = ! in/ruction ( y\?4 ,?is 0 a s+ul> disp5sation ( ,god's provid5ce & love t[>d me1 & prov$ ! fir/ means ( my salvation4 ,%e lov$ me t5d]ly1 & h] affection made h] discov] 9 me _m amiable qualities1 :i* ! ,"l _h implant$ 9 me4 ,%e endeavor$ to improve ^! good qualities1 & ,i believe t _h ,i cont9u$ 9 su* c>eful h&s1 ,i %\ld h acquir$ z _m virtu\s habits z ,i aft]w>d contract$ evil ones4 ,?is good si/] employ$ h] "t 9 in/ruct+ me 9 piety & 9 su* bran*es ( le>n+ z 7 suitable to my age & capacity4 ,%e _h good tal5ts & improv$ !m well4 ,%e 0 frequ5t 9 pray] & h] fai? 0 z great z t ( mo/ p]sons4 ,%e d5i$ h]self e o!r pleasure to be ) me & to in/ruct me4 ,su* 0 h] affection = me t x made h] f9d m pleasure ) me ?an any:]e else4 ,if ,i made h] agreeable answ]s1 ?\gh m f *ance ?an f judgm5t1 %e ?\ght h]self well paid = all h] labor4 ,"u h] c>e ,i soon became mi/ress ( mo/ /udies suitable = me4 ,_m gr[n p]sons ( rank c\ld n h answ]$ ! que/ions4 ,z my fa!r (t5 s5t = me1 desir+ to see me at home1 ,i f\nd at "o "t ! ,que5 ( ,engl& !re4 ,i 0 ne> eight ye>s ( age4 ,my fa!r told ! ,que5's confessor t if he want$ a little amusem5t he might ent]ta9 himself ) me4 ,he tri$ me ) sev]al v difficult que/ions1 to :i* ,i return$ su* p]t95t answ]s t he c>ri$ me to ! ,que51 & said1 ,y\r maje/y mu/ h "s div]sion ) ?is *ild4 ,%e also tri$ me & 0 s well pleas$ ) my lively answ]s1 & my mann]s1 t %e dem&$ me ( my fa!r ) no small importunity4 ,%e assur$ him t %e w\ld take p>ticul> c>e ( me1 design+ me = maid ( honor to ! pr9cess4 ,my fa!r resi/$4 ,d\btless x 0 ,god :o caus$ ?is refusal1 & !reby turn$ (f ! /roke :i* might h probably int]cept$ my salvation4 ,be+ s weak1 h[ c\ld ,i h )/ood ! temptations & di/ractions ( a c\rt8 ,i w5t back to ! ,ursul9es :]e my good si/] cont9u$ h] affection4 ,b z %e 0 n ! mi/ress ( ! bo>d]s1 & ,i 0 oblig$ sometimes to g along ) !m1 ,i contract$ bad habits4 ,i became addict$ to ly+1 peevi%ness & indevotion1 pass+ :ole days )\t ?9k+ on ,god2 ?\gh ,he wat*$ cont9ually ov] me1 z ! sequel w manife/4 ,i did n rema9 long "u ! p[] ( su* habits because my si/]'s c>e recov]$ me4 ,i lov$ mu* to he> ( ,god1 0 n we>y ( *ur*1 lov$ to pray1 _h t5d]ness = ! poor1 & a natural dislike = p]sons ^: doctr9e 0 judg$ uns\nd4 ,god has always cont9u$ to me ?is grace1 9 my greate/ infidelities4 ,!re 0 at ! end ( ! g>d5 connect$ ) ?is conv5t1 a little *apel d$icat$ to ! *ild ,jesus4 ,to ?is ,i betook myself = devotion &1 = "s "t1 c>ry+ my breakfa/ ?i!r e morn+1 ,i hid x all beh9d ?is image4 ,i 0 s mu* a *ild1 t ,i ?\ght ,i made a consid]able sacrifice 9 depriv+ myself ( x4 ,delicate 9 my *oice ( food1 ,i wi%$ to mortify myself1 b f\nd self-love /ill too preval5t1 to submit to su* mortification4 ,:5 !y 7 clean+ out ?is *apel1 !y f\nd beh9d ! image :at ,i _h left !re & pres5tly guess$ t x 0 ,i4 ,!y _h se5 me e day go+ ?i!r4 ,i believe t ,god1 :o lets no?+ pass )\t a recomp5se1 soon rew>d$ me ) int]e/ = ?is little infant9e devotion4 ,i cont9u$ "s "t ) my si/]1 :]e ,i reta9$ ! love & fe> ( ,god4 ,my life 0 easy2 ,i 0 educat$ agreeably ) h]4 ,i improv$ mu* :ile ,i _h my heal?1 b v (t5 ,i 0 sick1 & seiz$ ) maladies z sudd5 z !y 7 uncommon4 ,9 ! ev5+ well2 9 ! morn+ swell$ & full ( blui% m>ks1 symptoms ( a fev] :i* soon foll[$4 ,at n9e ye>s1 ,i 0 tak5 ) s viol5t a hemorrhage t !y ?\ght ,i 0 go+ to die4 ,i 0 r5d]$ exce$+ly weak4 ,a little be=e ?is sev]e attack1 my o!r si/] became jeal\s1 want+ to h me 9 turn4 ,?\gh %e l$ a good life1 yet %e _h n a tal5t = ! education ( *ildr54 ,at fir/ %e c>ess$ me1 b all h] c>esses made no impression ^u my he>t4 ,my o!r si/] did m ) a look1 ?an %e ) ei!r c>esses or ?reat5+s4 ,z %e saw t ,i lov$ h] n s well1 %e *ang$ to rigor\s treatm5t4 ,%e w\ld n all[ me to speak to my o!r si/]4 ,:5 %e knew ,i _h spok5 to h]1 %e _h me :ipp$1 or beat me h]self4 ,i c\ld no long] hold out aga9/ sev]e usage1 & !re=e requit$ ) app>5t +ratitude all ! favors ( my pat]nal si/]1 go+ no m to see h]4 ,b ?is did n h9d] h] f giv+ me m>ks ( h] usual goodness1 9 ! sev]e malady j m5tion$4 ,%e k9dly con/ru$ my +ratitude to be r ow+ to my fe> ( *a/isem5t1 ?an to a bad he>t4 ,inde$1 ,i believe ?is 0 ! only in/ance 9 :i* fe> ( *a/isem5t op]at$ s p[]fully ^u me4 ,f t "t ,i suff]$ m 9 occasion+ pa9 to ,"o ,i lov$1 ?an 9 suff]+ myself at _! h&4 ,?\ kn[e/1 ,o my ,belov$1 t x 0 n ! dread ( ,?y *a/isem5ts t sunk s deep1 ei!r into my und]/&+ or my he>t2 x 0 ! sorr[ = (f5d+ ,!e :i* ev] con/itut$ ! :ole ( my di/ress2 :i* 0 s great4 ,i imag9e if !re 7 nei!r ,heav5 nor ,hell1 ,i %\ld always h reta9$ ! same fe> ( displeas+ ,!e4 ,?\ kn[e/ t aft] my faults1 :51 9 =giv+ m]cy1 ,?\ w]t pleas$ to visit my s\l1 ,?y c>esses 7 a ?\s&-fold m insupportable ?an ,?y rod4 ,my fa!r be+ in=m$ ( all t pass$1 took me home aga94 ,i 0 ne>ly t5 ye>s ( age4 ,i /ay$ only a little :ile at home4 ,a nun ( ! ord] ( ,/4 ,dom9ie1 ( a great family1 "o ( my fa!r's intimate fri5ds1 solicit$ him to place me 9 h] conv5t4 ,%e 0 ! prioress & promis$ %e w\ld take c>e ( me & make me lodge 9 h] room4 ,?is lady _h conceiv$ a great affection = me4 ,%e 0 s tak5 up ) h] community1 9 its _m tr\blesome ev5ts t %e 0 n at lib]ty to take mu* c>e ( me4 ,i _h ! *ick5pox1 :i* made me keep to my b$ ?ree weeks1 9 :i* ,i _h v bad c>e1 ?\gh my fa!r & "m ?\ght ,i 0 "u excell5t c>e4 ,! ladies ( ! h\se _h su* a dread ( ! smallpox1 z !y imag9$ m9e to be1 t !y w\ld n come ne> me4 ,i pass$ almo/ all ! "t )\t see+ anybody4 ,a lay-si/] :o only br\ght me my all[ance ( diet at ! set h\rs imm$iately w5t (f aga94 ,i provid5tially f\nd a ,bible & hav+ bo? a fondness = read+ & a happy memory1 ,i sp5t :ole days 9 read+ x f morn+ to night4 ,i le>n$ entirely ! hi/orical "p4 ,yet ,i 0 really v unhappy 9 ?is h\se4 ,! o!r bo>d]s1 be+ l>ge girls1 di/ress$ me ) griev\s p]secutions4 ,i 0 s mu* neglect$1 z to food1 t ,i became q emaciat$4 ,,*apt] #d ,aft] ab\t eight mon?s1 my fa!r took me home4 ,my "m kept me m ) h]1 beg9n+ to h a high] reg>d = me ?an be=e4 ,%e /ill pref]r$ my bro!r2 e "o spoke ( x4 ,ev5 :5 ,i 0 sick & !re 0 any?+ ,i lik$1 he dem&$ x4 ,x 0 tak5 f me1 & giv5 to him1 & he 0 9 p]fectly good heal?4 ,"o day he made me m\nt ! top ( ! coa*2 !n ?rew me d[n4 ,by ! fall ,i 0 v mu* bruis$4 ,at o!r times he beat me4 ,b :atev] he did1 h[ev] wrong1 x 0 w9k$ at1 or ! mo/ favorable con/ruction 0 put ^u x4 ,?is s\r$ my temp]4 ,i _h little disposition to d good1 say+1 ,i 0 nev] ! bett] = x4 ,x 0 n !n = ,!e alone1 ,o ,god1 t ,i did good2 s9ce ,i ceas$ to d x1 :5 x met n ) su* a reception f o!rs z ,i want$4 ,_h ,i kn[n h[ to make a "r use ( ?is ?y crucify+ conduct1 ,i %\ld h made a good progress4 ,f> f turn+ me out ( ! way1 x w\ld h made me turn m :olly to ,!e4 ,i look$ ) jeal\s eyes on my bro!r1 see+ ! diff]5ce betwe5 him & me4 ,:atev] he did 0 consid]$ well2 b if !re 7 blame1 x fell on me4 ,my /epsi/]s by ! "m1 ga9$ h] goodwill by c>ess+ him & p]secut+ me4 ,true1 ,i 0 bad4 ,i relaps$ into my =m] faults ( ly+ & peevi%ness4 ,) all ^! faults ,i 0 v t5d] & *>itable to ! poor4 ,i pray$ to ,god assidu\sly1 lov$ to he> any "o speak ( ,him & to read good books4 ,i d\bt n t y w be amaz$ at su* a s]ies ( inconsi/5cies2 b :at succe$s w surprise y yet m1 :5 y see ?is mann] ( act+ ga9 gr\nd ) my ye>s4 ,z my reason rip5$1 x 0 s f> f correct+ ?is irrational conduct4 ,s9 grew m p[]ful 9 me4 ,o my ,god1 ?y grace seem$ to be r$\bl$ 9 proportion to ! increase ( my +ratitude6 ,x 0 ) me z ) a city besieg$1 ,?\ did/ surr\nd my he>t1 & ,i only /udi$ h[ to def5d myself aga9/ ?y attacks4 ,i rais$ =tifications ab\t ! wret*$ place1 add+ e day to ! numb] ( my iniquities to prev5t ,!e tak+ x4 ,:5 !re 0 an appe>ance ( ,?y becom+ victori\s ov] ?is ungrateful he>t1 ,i rais$ a c\nt]-batt]y1 & ?rew up ramp>ts to keep (f ?y goodness1 & to h9d] ! c\rse ( ?y grace4 ,none o!r c\ld h conqu]$ ?an ,?yself4 ,i _c be> to he> x said1 ,we are n free to resi/ grace4 ,i h _h too long & fatal an exp]i5ce ( my lib]ty4 ,i clos$ up ! av5ues ( my he>t1 t ,i might n s mu* z he> t secret voice ( ,god1 :i* 0 call+ me to ,himself4 ,i h inde$1 f t5d]e/ y\?1 pass$ ?r\gh a s]ies ( grievances1 ei!r by maladies or by p]secutions4 ,! girl to ^: c>e my "m left me1 9 arrang+ my hair us$ to beat me1 & did n make me turn x except ) rage & bl[s4 ,ev]y?+ seem$ to puni% me1 b ?is in/ead ( mak+ me turn unto ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 only s]v$ to afflict & embitt] my m9d4 ,my fa!r knew no?+ ( all ?is2 8 love to me 0 su* t he w\ld n h suff]$ x4 ,i lov$ him v mu*1 b at ! same "t ,i fe>$ him1 s t ,i told him no?+ ( x4 ,my "m 0 (t5 teas+ him ) compla9ts ( me1 to :i* he made no o!r reply ?an1 ,!re are twelve h\rs 9 ! day2 %e'll gr[ wis]4 ,?is rigor\s proce$+ 0 n ! wor/ = my s\l1 ?\gh x s\r$ my temp]1 :i* 0 o!rwise mild & easy4 ,b :at caus$ my greate/ hurt 01 t ,i *ose to be among ^? :o c>ess$ me1 9 ord] to corrupt & spoil me4 ,my fa!r1 see+ ,i 0 n[ gr[n tall1 plac$ me 9 ,l5t among ! ,ursul9es1 to receive my fir/ communion at ,ea/]1 at :i* "t ,i 0 to complete my elev5? ye>4 ,& "h my mo/ de> si/]1 "u ^: inspection my fa!r plac$ me1 r$\bl$ h] c>es1 to cause me to make ! be/ prep>ation possible = ?is act ( devotion4 ,i ?\ght n[ ( giv+ myself to ,god 9 good e>ne/4 ,i (t5 felt a combat betwe5 my good incl9ations & my bad habits4 ,i ev5 did "s p5ances4 ,z ,i 0 almo/ always ) my si/]1 & z ! bo>d]s 9 h] class1 :i* 0 ! fir/1 7 v reasonable & civil4 ,i became su* also1 :ile among !m4 ,x _h be5 cruel to educate me badly2 = my v nature 0 /rongly dispos$ to goodness4 ,easily won ) mildness1 ,i did ) pleasure :atev] my good si/] desir$4 ,at l5g? ,ea/] arriv$2 ,i receiv$ ! communion ) mu* joy & devotion4 ,9 ?is h\se ,i /aid until ,:itsuntide4 ,b z my o!r si/] 0 mi/ress ( ! second class1 %e dem&$ t 9 h] week ,i %\ld be ) h] 9 t class4 ,h] mann]s1 s opposite to ! o!r's1 made me relax my =m] piety4 ,i felt no m t new & delightful ardor :i* _h seiz$ my he>t at my fir/ communion4 ,alas6 x held b a %ort "t4 ,my faults & fail+s 7 soon reit]at$ & drew me f ! c>e & duties ( religion4 ,z ,i n[ grew v tall = my age1 & m to my "m's lik+ ?an be=e1 %e took c>e to deck & dress me1 to make me see company1 & to take me abroad4 ,%e took an inord9ate pride 9 t beauty ) :i* ,god _h =m$ me1 to bless & praise ,him4 ,h[ev] x 0 p]v]t$ by me into a s\rce ( pride & vanity4 ,sev]al suitors came to me2 b z ,i 0 n yet twelve ye>s my fa!r w\ld n li/5 to any proposals4 ,i lov$ read+ & %ut myself up alone e day to read )\t int]ruption4 ,:at prov$ effectual to ga9 me entirely to ,god1 at lea/ = a "t1 0 t a nephew ( my fa!r's pass$ by our home on a mission to ,co*9 ,*9a4 ,i happ5$ at t "t to be tak+ a walk ) my companions1 :i* ,i seldom did4 ,at my return he 0 gone4 ,!y gave me an acc\nt ( 8 sanctity1 & ! ?+s he _h said1 ,i 0 s t\*$ t ,i 0 ov]come ) sorr[4 ,i cri$ all ! re/ ( ! day & night4 ,e>ly 9 ! morn+ ,i w5t 9 great di/ress to seek my confessor4 ,i said to him1 ,:at6 my fa!r1 am ,i ! only p]son 9 our family to be lo/8 ,alas2 help me 9 my salvation4 ,he 0 greatly surpris$ to see me s mu* afflict$1 & com=t$ me 9 ! be/ mann] he c\ld1 n ?9k+ me s bad z ,i 04 ,9 my backslid+s ,i 0 docile1 punctual 9 ob$i5ce1 c>eful to confess (t54 ,s9ce ,i w5t to him my life 0 m regul>4 ,oh1 ?\ ,god ( love1 h[ (t5 ha/ ,?\ knock$ at ! door ( my he>t6 ,h[ (t5 t]rifi$ me ) appe>ances ( sudd5 dea?6 ,all ^! only made a transi5t impression4 ,i pres5tly return$ aga9 to my infidelities4 ,?is "t ?\ did/ take & q c>ri$ (f my he>t4 ,alas1 :at grief ,i n[ su/a9$ = hav+ displeas$ ,!e6 :at regrets1 :at exclamations1 :at sobb+s6 ,:o w\ld h ?\ght1 to see me1 b t my conv]sion w\ld h la/$ z long z my life8 ,:y did/ ?\ n1 ,o my ,god1 utt]ly take ?is he>t to ?yself1 :5 ,i gave x to ,!e s fully4 ,or1 if ,?\ did/ take x !n1 oh1 :y did/ ,?\ let x revolt aga98 ,?\ wa/ surely /rong en\gh to hold x1 b ,?\ w\ld/ p]haps1 9 leav+ me to myself1 display ?y m]cy t ! dep? ( my iniquity might s]ve z a trophy to ?y goodness4 ,i imm$iately appli$ myself to e "p ( my duty4 ,i made a g5]al confession ) great compunction ( he>t4 ,i frankly confess$ all t ,i knew ) _m te>s4 ,i became s *ang$ t ,i 0 sc>cely kn[n4 ,i w\ld n = ev] s mu* made ! lea/ volunt>y slip4 ,!y f\nd n any matt] = absolution :5 ,i confess$4 ,i discov]$ ! v smalle/ faults & ,god did me ! favor to enable me to conqu] myself 9 _m ?+s4 ,!re 7 left only "s rema9s ( passion1 :i* gave me "s tr\ble to conqu]4 ,b z soon z ,i _h by means !re(1 giv5 any displeasure1 ev5 to ! dome/ics1 ,i begg$ _! p>don1 9 ord] to subdue my wra? & pride2 = wra? is ! daught] ( pride4 ,a p]son truly humbl$ p]mits n any?+ to put him 9 a rage4 ,z x is pride :i* dies ! la/ 9 ! s\l1 s x is passion :i* is la/ de/roy$ 9 ! outw>d conduct4 ,a s\l ?or\ghly dead to itself1 f9ds no?+ ( rage left4 ,!re are p]sons :o1 be+ v mu* fill$ ) grace & ) peace1 at _! entrance ( ! resign$ pa? ( light & love1 ?9k !y are come ?us f>4 ,b !y are greatly mi/ak51 9 ?is view ( _! /ate4 ,?is !y w readily discov]1 if !y are he>tily will+ to exam9e two ?+s4 ,fir/1 if _! nature is lively1 w>m & viol5t1 7,i speak n ( /upid temp]s7 !y w f9d1 f "t to "t1 t !y make slips1 9 :i* tr\ble & emotion h "s %>e4 ,ev5 !n !y are useful to humble & annihilate !m4 7,b :5 annihilation is p]fect$ all passion is gone--x is incompatible ) ?is /ate47 ,!y w f9d t !re (t5 arises 9 !m c]ta9 motions ( ang]1 b ! sweetness ( grace holds !m back4 ,!y w\ld easily transgress1 if 9 any wise !y gave way to ^! motions4 ,!re are p]sons :o ?9k !mselves v mild because no?+ ?w>ts !m4 ,x is n ( su* t ,i am speak+4 ,mildness :i* has nev] be5 put to ! pro(1 is (t5 only c\nt]feit4 ,^? p]sons :o1 :5 unmole/$1 appe> to be sa9ts are no soon] ex]cis$ by vex+ occurr5ces ?an !re />ts up 9 !m a /range numb] ( faults4 ,!y _h ?\ght !m dead :i* only lay dormant because no?+ awak5$ !m4 ,i foll[$ my religi\s ex]cises4 ,i %ut myself up all day to read & pray4 ,i gave all ,i _h to ! poor tak+ ev5 l95 to _! h\ses4 ,i taught !m ! cate*ism & :5 my p>5ts d9$ out ,i made !m eat ) me & s]v$ !m ) great respect4 ,i read ! works ( ,/4 ,francis de ,sales & ! life ( ,madam de ,*antal4 ,!re ,i fir/ le>n$ :at m5tal pray] 01 & ,i bes\ght my confessor to tea* me t k9d ( pray]4 ,z he did n1 ,i us$ my own endeavors to practice x1 ?\gh )\t success1 z ,i !n ?\ght1 because ,i c\ld n ex]cise ! imag9ation1 ,i p]suad$ myself1 t t pray] c\ld n be made )\t =m+ to "o's self c]ta9 ideas & reason+ mu*4 ,?is difficulty gave me no small tr\ble1 = a long "t4 ,i 0 v assidu\s & pray$ e>ne/ly to ,god to give me ! gift ( pray]4 ,all t ,i saw 9 ! life ( ,m4 de ,*antal *>m$ me4 ,i 0 s mu* a *ild1 t ,i ?\ght ,i ought to d ev]y?+ ,i saw 9 x4 ,all ! v[s %e _h made ,i made also4 ,"o day z ,i 0 read+ t %e _h put ! "n ( ,jesus on h] he>t1 to foll[ ! c\nsel1 ,set me z a seal ^u ?y he>t4 ,= ?is purpose %e _h tak5 a hot iron1 :]eupon ! holy "n 0 engrav54 ,i 0 v mu* afflict$ t ,i c\ld n d ! same4 ,i decid$ to write t sacr$ & adorable "n1 9 l>ge *>act]s1 on pap]1 !n ) ribbons & a ne$le ,i fa/5$ x to my sk9 9 f\r places4 ,9 t position x cont9u$ a long "t4 ,aft] ?is1 ,i turn$ all my ?\ghts to become a nun4 ,because ! love :i* ,i _h = ,/4 ,francis de ,sales did n p]mit me to ?9k ( any o!r community ?an ! "o ( :i* he 0 ! f\nd]1 ,i frequ5tly w5t to beg ! nuns !re to receive me into _! conv5t4 ,(t5 ,i /ole out ( my fa!r's h\se to g & repeat$ly solicit my admission !re4 ,?\gh x 0 :at !y eag]ly desir$1 ev5 z a temporal advantage1 yet !y nev] d>$ let me ent]1 z !y v mu* fe>$ my fa!r1 to ^: fondness = me !y 7 no /rang]s4 ,!re 0 at t h\se a niece ( my fa!r's1 to :om ,i am "u great obligations4 ,=tune _h n be5 v favorable to h] fa!r4 ,x _h r$uc$ h] 9 "s measure to dep5d on m9e1 to :om %e made kn[n my desire4 ,al?\gh he w\ld n = any?+ 9 ! _w h h9d]$ a "r vocation1 yet he c\ld n he> ( my design )\t %$d+ te>s4 ,z he happ5$ at ?is "t to be abroad1 my c\s9 w5t to my confessor1 to desire him to =bid my go+ to ! visitation4 ,he d>$ n1 h[ev]1 d x pla9ly1 = fe> ( draw+ on himself ! res5tm5t ( t community4 ,i /ill want$ to be a nun1 & importun$ my "m excessively to take me to t h\se4 ,%e w\ld n d x1 = fe> ( griev+ my fa!r1 :o 0 abs5t4 ,,*apt] #e ,no soon] 0 my fa!r return$ home1 ?an he became viol5tly ill4 ,my "m 0 at ! same "t indispos$ 9 ano!r "p ( ! h\se4 ,i 0 all alone ) him1 ready to r5d] him e k9d ( s]vice ,i 0 capable (1 & to give him all ! dutiful m>ks ( a mo/ s9c]e affection4 ,i d n d\bt b my assiduity 0 v agreeable to him4 ,i p]=m$ ! mo/ m5ial (fices unp]ceiv$ by him tak+ ! "t = x :5 ! s]vants 7 n at h&2 z well to mortify myself z to pay due honor to :at ,jesus ,*ri/ said1 t ,he came n to be m9i/]$ to1 b to m9i/]4 ,:5 fa!r made me read to him1 ,i read ) su* he>tfelt devotion t he 0 surpris$4 ,i rememb]$ ! in/ruction my si/] _h giv5 me1 & ! ejaculatory pray]s & praises ,i _h le>n$4 ,%e _h taught me to praise ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 9 all ,?y works4 ,all t ,i saw call$ ^u me to r5d] ,!e homage4 ,if x ra9$1 ,i wi%$ e drop to be *ang$ into love & praises4 ,my he>t 0 n\ri%$ ins5sibly ) ,?y love2 & my _s 0 incessantly engross$ ) ! remembrance ( ,!e4 ,i seem$ to jo9 & p>take 9 all ! good t 0 done 9 ! _w1 & c\ld h wi%$ to h ! unit$ he>ts ( all m5 to love ,!e4 ,?is habit root$ itself s /rongly 9 me1 t ,i reta9$ x ?r\gh\t my greate/ w&]+s4 ,my c\s9 help$ n a little1 to support me 9 ^! good s5tim5ts2 ,i 0 (t5 ) h]1 & lov$ h]1 z %e took great c>e ( me1 & treat$ me ) mu* g5tl5ess4 ,h] =tune be+ equal nei!r to h] bir? nor h] virtue1 %e did ) *>ity & affection :at h] condition oblig$ h] to d4 ,my "m grew jeal\s1 fe>+ ,i %\ld love my c\s9 too well & h]self too little4 ,%e :o _h left me 9 my "y ye>s to ! c>e ( h] maids1 & s9ce t to my own1 only requir+ if ,i 0 9 ! h\se4 ,tr\bl+ h]self no fur!r1 n[ requir$ me always to /ay ) h]1 & nev] suff]$ me to be ) my c\s9 b ) great reluctance4 ,my c\s9 fell ill4 ,my "m took t occasion to s5d h] home1 :i* 0 a v sev]e /roke to my he>t1 z well z to t grace :i* began to dawn 9 me4 ,my "m 0 a v virtu\s woman4 ,%e 0 "o ( ! mo/ *>itable wom5 ( h] age4 ,%e n only gave ! surplus1 b ev5 ! necessities ( ! h\se4 ,nev] 7 ! ne$y neglect$4 ,nev] any wret*$ "o came to h] )\t succor4 ,%e furni%$ poor me*anics :]e) to c>ry on _! "w1 & ne$y tradesm5 :]e) to supply _! %ops4 ,f h]1 ,i ?9k1 ,i inh]it$ my *>ity & love = ! poor4 ,god favor$ me ) ! bless+ ( be+ h] successor 9 t holy ex]cise4 ,!re 0 n "o 9 ! t[n1 or its environs1 :o did n praise h] = ?is virtue4 ,%e sometimes gave to ! la/ p5ny 9 ! h\se1 ?\gh %e _h a l>ge family to ma9ta91 & yet %e did n fail 9 h] fai?4 ,my "m's only c>e ab\t me _h be5 all along to h me 9 ! h\se1 :i* inde$ is "o mat]ial po9t = a girl4 ,?is habit ( be+ s con/antly kept )91 prov$ ( great s]vice aft] my m>riage4 ,x w\ld h be5 bett] _h %e kept me m 9 h] own ap>tm5t1 ) an agreeable fre$om & inquir$ (t5] :at "p ( ! h\se ,i 0 94 ,aft] my c\s9 left me1 ,god grant$ me ! grace to =give injuries ) su* read9ess1 t my confessor 0 surpris$4 ,he knew t "s "y ladies _h1 out ( envy1 traduc$ me & t ,i spoke well ( !m z occasion (f]$4 ,i 0 seiz$ ) an ague1 :i* la/$ f\r mon?s1 9 :i* ,i suff]$ mu*4 ,dur+ t "t1 ,i 0 enabl$ to suff] ) mu* resignation & pati5ce4 ,9 ?is frame ( m9d & mann] ( life ,i p]sev]$1 s long z ,i cont9u$ ! practice ( m5tal pray]4 ,lat] we w5t to pass "s days 9 ! c\ntry4 ,my fa!r took along ) u "o ( 8 relations1 a v accompli%$ "y g5tleman4 ,he _h a great desire to m>ry me2 b my fa!r1 resolv$ n to give me to any ne> k9sman on acc\nt ( ! difficulty obta9+ disp5sations1 put him (f1 )\t alleg+ any false or frivol\s reasons = x4 ,z ?is "y g5tleman 0 v dev\t1 & e day said ! (fice ( ! ,virg91 ,i said x ) him4 ,to h "t = x1 ,i left (f pray] :i* 0 to me ! fir/ inlet ( evils4 ,yet1 ,i kept up = a long "t "s %>e ( ! _s ( piety2 = ,i w5t to seek out ! little %eph]desses1 to in/ruct !m 9 _! religi\s duties4 ,?is _s gradually decay$1 n be+ n\ri%$ by pray]4 ,i became cold t[>d ,god4 ,all my old faults reviv$ to :i* ,i add$ an excessive vanity4 ,! love ,i began to h = myself ext+ui%$ :at rema9$ 9 me ( ! love ( ,god4 ,i did n :olly leave (f m5tal pray]1 )\t ask+ my confessor's leave4 ,i told him ,i ?\ght x bett] to say ! (fice ( ! ,virg9 e day ?an to practice pray]2 ,i _h n "t = bo?4 ,i saw n t ?is 0 a /ratagem ( ! enemy to draw me f ,god1 to entangle me 9 ! sn>es he _h laid = me4 ,i _h "t suffici5t = bo?1 z ,i _h no o!r occupation ?an :at ,i prescrib$ to myself4 ,my confessor 0 easy 9 ! matt]4 ,n be+ a man ( pray] he gave 8 cons5t to my great hurt4 ,oh1 my ,god1 if ! value ( pray] 7 b kn[n1 ! great advantage :i* accrues to ! s\l f conv]s+ ) ,!e1 & :at consequ5ce x is ( to salvation1 ev]yone w\ld be assidu\s 9 x4 ,x is a /ronghold into :i* ! enemy _c ent]4 ,he may attack x1 besiege x1 make a noise ab\t its walls2 b :ile we are fai?ful & hold our /ation1 he _c hurt u4 ,x is alike requisite to dictate to *ildr5 ! necessity ( pray] z ( _! salvation4 ,alas6 unhappily1 x is ?\ght suffici5t to tell !m t !re is a ,heav5 & a ,hell2 t !y mu/ endeavor to avoid ! latt] & atta9 ! =m]2 yet !y are n taught ! %orte/ & easie/ way ( arriv+ at x4 ,! only way to ,heav5 is pray]2 a pray] ( ! he>t1 :i* e "o is capable (1 & n ( reason+s :i* are ! fruits ( /udy1 or ex]cise ( ! imag9ation1 :i*1 9 fill+ ! m9d ) w&]+ objects1 r>ely settle x2 in/ead ( w>m+ ! he>t ) love to ,god1 !y leave x cold & langui%+4 ,let ! poor come1 let ! ignorant & c>nal come2 let ! *ildr5 )\t reason or k come1 let ! dull or h>d he>ts :i* c reta9 no?+ come to ! practice ( pray] & !y %all become wise4 ,o ye great1 wise & ri*1 h ye n a he>t capable ( lov+ :at is prop] = y & ( hat+ :at is de/ructive8 ,love ! sov]eign good1 hate all evil1 & ye w be truly wise4 ,:5 ye love anyone1 is x because ye "k ! reasons ( love & its def9itions8 ,no1 c]ta9ly4 ,ye love because y\r he>t is =m$ to love :at x f9ds amiable4 ,surely y _c b "k t !re is n\ght lovely 9 ! univ]se b ,god4 ,"k ye n t ,he has creat$ y1 t ,he has di$ = y8 ,b if ^! reasons are n suffici5t1 :i* ( y has n "s necessity1 "s tr\ble1 or "s mis=tune8 ,:i* ( y does n "k h[ to tell 8 malady1 & beg relief8 ,come1 !n1 to ?is ,f\nta9 ( all good1 )\t compla9+ to weak & impot5t creatures1 :o _c help y2 come to pray]2 lay be=e ,god y\r tr\bles1 beg ,8 grace--& above all1 t y may love ,him4 ,none c exempt himself f lov+2 = none c live )\t a he>t1 nor ! he>t )\t love4 ,:y %\ld any amuse !mselves1 9 seek+ reasons = lov+ ,love itself8 ,let u love )\t reason+ ab\t x1 & we %all f9d ourselves fill$ ) love1 be=e ! o!rs h le>n$ ! reasons :i* induc$ to x4 ,make trial ( ?is love1 & y w be wis] 9 x ?an ! mo/ skillful philosoph]s4 ,9 love1 z 9 ev]y?+ else1 exp]i5ce in/ructs bett] ?an reason+4 ,come !n1 dr9k at ?is f\nta9 ( liv+ wat]s1 in/ead ( ! brok5 ci/]ns ( ! creature1 :i* f> f allay+ y\r ?ir/1 only t5d cont9ually to augm5t x4 ,did ye once dr9k at ?is f\nta91 ye w\ld n seek else:]e = any?+ to qu5* y\r ?ir/2 = :ile ye /ill cont9ue to draw f ?is s\rce1 ye w\ld ?ir/ no long] aft] ! _w4 ,b if ye quit x1 alas6 ! enemy has ! asc5dant4 ,he w give y ( 8 poison$ draughts1 :i* may h an app>5t sweetness1 b w assur$ly rob y ( life4 ,i =sook ! f\nta9 ( liv+ wat] :5 ,i left (f pray]4 ,i became z a v9ey>d expos$ to pillage1 h$ges torn d[n ) lib]ty to all ! pass5g]s to ravage x4 ,i began to seek 9 ! creature :at ,i _h f\nd 9 ,god4 ,he left me to myself1 because ,i fir/ left him4 ,x 0 ,8 w by p]mitt+ me to s9k into ! horrible pit1 to make me feel ! necessity ,i 0 9 ( approa*+ ,him 9 pray]4 ,?\ ha/ said1 t ,?\ wilt de/roy ^? adult]\s s\ls :o dep>t f ,!e4 ,alas6 x is _! dep>ture alone :i* causes _! de/ruction1 s9ce1 9 dep>t+ f ,!e1 ,o ,sun ( ,righte\sness1 !y ent] into ! regions ( d>kness & ! coldness ( dea?1 f :i* !y w\ld nev] rise1 if ,?\ did/ n revisit !m4 ,if ,?\ did/ n by ?y div9e light1 illum9ate _! d>kness1 & by ?y enliv5+ w>m?1 melt _! icy he>ts1 & re/ore !m to life1 !y w\ld nev] rise4 ,i fell !n into ! greate/ ( all mis=tunes4 ,i w&]$ yet f>!r & f>!r f ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 & ?\ did/ gradually retire f a he>t :i* _h quitt$ ,!e4 ,yet su* is ?y goodness1 t x seem$ z if ,?\ had/ left me ) regret2 & :5 ?is he>t 0 desir\s to return aga9 unto ,!e1 ) :at spe$ did/ ,?\ come to meet x4 ,?is pro( ( ,?y love & m]cy1 %all be to me an ev]la/+ te/imony ( ?y goodness & ( my own +ratitude4 ,i became /ill m passionate ?an ,i _h ev] be51 z age gave m =ce to nature4 ,i 0 frequ5tly guilty ( ly+4 ,i felt my he>t corrupt & va94 ,! sp>k ( div9e grace 0 almo/ ext+ui%$ 9 me1 & ,i fell into a /ate ( indiff]5ce & indevotion1 ?\gh ,i /ill c>efully kept up outside appe>ances4 ,! habit ,i _h acquir$ ( behav+ at *ur* made me appe> bett] ?an ,i 04 ,vanity1 :i* _h be5 exclud$ to my he>t n[ resum$ its seat4 ,i began to pass a great "p ( my "t be=e a look+ glass4 ,i f\nd s mu* pleasure 9 view+ myself1 t ,i ?\ght o!rs 7 9 ! "r :o practic$ ! same4 ,in/ead ( mak+ use ( ?is ext]ior1 :i* ,god _h giv5 me1 t ,i might love ,him ! m1 x became to me only ! means ( a va9 complac5cy4 ,all seem$ to me to look beautiful 9 my p]son1 b ,i saw n t x cov]$ a pollut$ s\l4 ,?is r5d]$ me s inw>dly va91 t ,i d\bt :e!r any ev] exce$$ me !re94 ,!re 0 an affect$ mode/y 9 my outw>d deportm5t t w\ld h deceiv$ ! _w4 ,! high e/eem ,i _h = myself made me f9d faults 9 ev]yone else ( my own sex4 ,i _h no eyes b to see my own good qualities1 & to discov] ! defects ( o!rs4 ,i hid my own faults f myself1 or if ,i rem>k$ any1 yet to me !y appe>$ little 9 comp>ison ( o!rs4 ,i excus$1 & ev5 figur$ !m to myself z p]fections4 ,e idea ,i _h ( o!rs & ( myself 0 false4 ,i lov$ read+ to su* excess1 p>ticul>ly romances1 t ,i sp5t :ole days & nights at !m4 ,sometimes ! day broke :ile ,i cont9u$ to read1 insomu*1 t = a l5g? ( "t ,i almo/ lo/ ! habit ( sleep+4 ,i 0 ev] eag] to get to ! end ( ! book1 9 hopes ( f9d+ some?+ to satisfy a c]ta9 crav+ :i* ,i f\nd )9 me4 ,my ?ir/ = read+ 0 only increas$ ! m ,i read4 ,books are /range inv5tions to de/roy y\?4 ,if !y caus$ no o!r hurt ?an ! loss ( preci\s "t1 is n t too mu*8 ,i 0 n re/ra9$1 b r enc\rag$ to read !m "u ?is fallaci\s pretext1 t !y taught "o to speak well4 ,mean:ile1 ?r\gh ?y abundant m]cy1 ,o my ,god1 ,?\ came/ to seek me f "t to "t1 ,?\ did/ inde$ knock at ! door ( my he>t4 ,i 0 (t5 p5etrat$ ) ! mo/ lively sorr[ & %$ abundance ( te>s4 ,i 0 afflict$ to f9d my /ate s diff]5t f :at x 0 :5 ,i enjoy$ ,?y sacr$ pres5ce2 b my te>s 7 fruitless & my grief 9 va94 ,i c\ld n ( myself get out ( ?is wret*$ /ate4 ,i wi%$ "s h& z *>itable z p[]ful w\ld extricate me2 z = myself ,i _h no p[]4 ,if ,i _h _h any fri5d1 :o w\ld h exam9$ ! cause ( ?is evil1 & made me h rec\rse aga9 to pray]1 :i* 0 ! only means ( relief1 all w\ld h be5 well4 ,i 0 7l ! prophet7 9 a deep abyss ( mire1 :i* ,i c\ld n get out (f4 ,i met ) reprim&s = be+ 9 x1 b none 7 k9d en\gh to rea* out to free me4 ,& :5 ,i tri$ va9 ef=ts to get out1 ,i only sunk ! deep]1 & ea* fruitless attempt only made me see my own impot5ce1 & r5d]$ me m afflict$4 ,oh1 h[ mu* compassion has ?is sad exp]i5ce giv5 me = s9n]s4 ,x has taught me :y s few ( !m em]ge f ! mis]able /ate into :i* !y h fall54 ,su* z see x only cry out aga9/ _! disord]s1 & fright5 !m ) ?reats ( future puni%m5t6 ,^! cries & ?reats at fir/ make "s impression1 & !y use "s weak ef=ts aft] lib]ty1 b1 aft] hav+ exp]i5c$ _! insuffici5cy1 !y gradually abate 9 _! design1 & lose _! c\rage = try+ any m4 ,all t man c say to !m aft]w>d is b lo/ labor1 ?\gh "o prea* to !m incessantly4 ,:5 any = relief run to confess1 ! only true rem$y = !m is pray]2 to pres5t !mselves be=e ,god z crim9als1 beg /r5g? ( ,him to rise out ( ?is /ate4 ,!n w\ld !y soon be *ang$1 & br\ght out ( ! mire & clay4 ,b ! devil has falsely p]suad$ ! doctors & ! wise m5 ( ! age1 t1 9 ord] to pray1 x is necess>y fir/ to be p]fectly conv]t$4 ,h5ce p are dissuad$ f x1 & h5ce !re is r>ely any conv]sion t is durable4 ,! devil is outrage\s only aga9/ pray]1 & ^? t ex]cise x2 because he kn[s x is ! true means ( tak+ 8 prey f him4 ,he lets u und]go all ! au/]ities we w4 ,he nei!r p]secutes ^? t enjoy !m nor ^? t practice !m4 ,b no soon] does "o ent] into a spiritual life1 a life ( pray]1 b !y mu/ prep>e = /range crosses4 ,all mann] ( p]secutions & contempts 9 ?is _w are res]v$ = t life4 ,mis]able z ! condition 0 to :i* ,i 0 r$uc$ by my infidelities1 & ! little help ,i _h f my confessor1 ,i did n fail to say my vocal pray]s e day1 to confess pretty (t51 & to p>take ( ! communion almo/ e =tnight4 ,sometimes ,i w5t to *ur* to weep1 & to pray to ! ,bless$ ,virg9 to obta9 my conv]sion4 ,i lov$ to he> anyone speak ( ,god1 & w\ld nev] tire ( ! conv]sation4 ,:5 my fa!r spoke ( ,him1 ,i 0 transport$ ) joy2 & :5 he & my "m w5t on any pilgrimage1 & 7 to set (f e>ly 9 ! morn+1 ,i ei!r did n g to b$ ! night be=e1 or hir$ ! girls to awake me e>ly4 ,my fa!r's conv]sation at su* times 0 always ( div9e matt]s1 :i* af=d$ me ! highe/ delight1 & ,i pref]r$ t subject to any o!r4 ,i also lov$ ! poor1 & 0 *>itable1 ev5 :ile ,i 0 s v faulty4 ,h[ /range may ?is seem to "s1 & h[ h>d to reconcile ?+s s v opposite4 ,,*apt] #f ,aft]w>d we came to ,p>is :]e my vanity increas$4 ,no c\rse 0 sp>$ to make me appe> to advantage4 ,i 0 =w>d en\gh to %[ myself & expose my pride1 9 mak+ a p>ade ( ?is va9 beauty4 ,i want$ to be lov$ ( ev]yone & to love none4 ,sev]al app>5tly advantage\s (f]s ( m>riage 7 made = me2 b ,god unwill+ to h me lo/ did n p]mit matt]s to succe$4 ,my fa!r /ill f\nd difficulties1 :i* my all-wise ,creator rais$ = my salvation4 ,_h ,i m>ri$ any ( ^! p]sons1 ,i %\ld h be5 mu* expos$1 & my vanity w\ld h _h means to ext5d itself4 ,!re 0 "o p]son :o _h ask$ = me 9 m>riage = sev]al ye>s4 ,my fa!r1 = family reasons1 _h always refus$ him4 ,8 mann]s 7 opposite to my vanity4 ,a fe> le/ ,i %\ld leave my c\ntry1 toge!r ) ! afflu5t circum/ances ( ?is g5tleman1 induc$ my fa!r1 9 spite ( bo? 8 own & my "m's reluctance1 to promise me to him4 ,?is 0 done )\t consult+ me4 ,!y made me sign ! m>riage articles )\t lett+ me "k :at !y 74 ,i 0 well pleas$ ) ! ?\ghts ( m>riage1 flatt]+ myself ) a hope ( be+ !reby set at full lib]ty1 & deliv]$ f ! ill-treatm5t ( my "m :i* ,i drew ^u myself4 ,god ord]$ x f> o!rwise4 ,! condition :i* ,i f\nd myself 9 aft]w>d1 fru/rat$ my hopes4 ,pleas+ z m>riage 0 to my ?\ghts1 ,i 0 all ! "t1 aft] my be+ promis$1 & ev5 long aft] my m>riage1 9 extreme confusion1 :i* arose f two causes4 ,fir/1 my natural mode/y1 :i* ,i did n lose4 ,i _h mu* res]ve t[>d m54 ,! o!r1 my vanity4 ,?\gh ! husb& provid$ 0 a m advantage\s mat* ?an ,i m]it$1 yet ,i did n ?9k him su*4 ,! figure :i* ! o!rs made1 :o _h (f]$ to me be=e1 0 va/ly m engag+4 ,_! rank w\ld h plac$ me 9 view4 ,:atev] did n flatt] my vanity1 0 to me insupportable4 ,yet ?is v vanity 01 ,i ?9k1 ( "s advantage2 x h9d]$ me f fall+ into su* ?+s z cause ! ru9 ( families4 ,i w\ld n d any?+ :i* 9 ! eye ( ! _w1 might r5d] me culpable4 ,z ,i 0 mode/ at *ur* & _h n be5 us$ to g abroad )\t my "m1 z ! reputation ( our h\se 0 great1 ,i pass$ = virtu\s4 ,i did n see my sp\se elect 7at ,p>is7 till two or ?ree days be=e our m>riage4 ,i caus$ masses to be said all ! "t aft] my be+ contract$1 to "k ! w ( ,god4 ,i wi%$ to d x 9 ?is affair at lea/4 ,oh1 my ,god1 h[ great 0 ?y goodness1 to be> ) me at ?is "t1 & to all[ me to pray to ,!e ) z mu* boldness1 z if ,i _h be5 "o ( ?y fri5ds1 ,i :o _h rebell$ aga9/ ,!e z ?y greate/ enemy4 ,! joy ( our nuptials 0 univ]sal ?r\gh our village4 ,amid ?is g5]al rejoic+1 !re appe>$ none sad b myself4 ,i c\ld nei!r laugh z o!rs did1 nor ev5 eat2 s mu* 0 ,i depress$4 ,i knew n ! cause4 ,x 0 a =eta/e :i* ,god gave me ( :at 0 to befall me4 ,! remembrance ( ! desire ,i _h ( be+ a nun1 came p\r+ 94 ,all :o came to complim5t me1 ! day aft]1 c\ld n =be> rally+ me4 ,i wept bitt]ly4 ,i answ]$1 ,alas6 ,i _h desir$ s mu* to be a nun2 :y !n am ,i n[ m>ri$8 ,by :at fatality has su* a revolution befall5 me8 ,no soon] 0 ,i at ! h\se ( my new sp\se1 ?an ,i p]ceiv$ t x w\ld be = me a h\se ( m\rn+4 ,i 0 oblig$ to *ange my conduct4 ,_! mann] ( liv+ 0 v diff]5t f t 9 my fa!r's h\se4 ,my "m-9-law1 :o _h long be5 a wid[1 reg>d$ no?+ else b economy4 ,at my fa!r's h\se !y liv$ 9 a noble mann] & great elegance4 ,:at my husb& & "m-9-law call$ pride1 & ,i call$ polit5ess1 0 obs]v$ !re4 ,i 0 v mu* surpris$ at ?is *ange1 & s mu* ! m1 z my vanity wi%$ to increase1 r ?an to be dim9i%$4 ,at ! "t ( my m>riage ,i 0 a little pa/ fifte5 ye>s ( age4 ,my surprise increas$ greatly1 :5 ,i saw ,i mu/ lose :at ,i _h acquir$ ) s mu* application4 ,at my fa!r's h\se we 7 oblig$ to behave 9 a g5teel way1 & to speak ) propriety4 ,all t ,i said 0 applaud$4 ,"h !y nev] he>k5$ to me1 b to contradict & f9d fault4 ,if ,i spoke well1 !y said x 0 to give !m a lesson4 ,if any que/ions 7 />t$ at my fa!r's1 he enc\rag$ me to speak freely4 ,"h1 if ,i spoke my s5tim5ts1 !y said x 0 to ent] into a dispute4 ,!y put me to sil5ce 9 an abrupt & %ameful mann]1 & scold$ me f morn+ till night4 ,i %\ld h "s difficulty to give y an acc\nt1 :i* _c be done )\t w\nd+ *>ity1 if y _h n =bidd5 me to omit any "o4 ,i reque/ y n to look at ?+s on ! side ( ! creature1 :i* w\ld make ^! p]sons appe> worse ?an !y 74 ,my "m-9-law _h virtue1 my husb& _h religion1 & n any vice4 ,x is requisite to look at ev]y?+ on ! side ( ,god4 ,he p]mitt$ ^! ?+s only = my salvation1 & because ,he w\ld n h me lo/4 ,i _h beside s mu* pride1 t _h ,i receiv$ any o!r treatm5t1 ,i %\ld h cont9u$ !re91 & %\ld n1 p]haps1 h turn$ to ,god z ,i 0 induc$ to d1 by ! oppression ( a multitude ( crosses4 ,my "m-9-law conceiv$ su* a desire to oppose me 9 ev]y?+1 t1 9 ord] to vex me1 %e made me p]=m ! mo/ humiliat+ (fices4 ,h] disposition 0 s extraord9>y1 hav+ nev] surm\nt$ x 9 h] y\?1 t %e c\ld h>dly live ) anybody4 ,say+ none ?an vocal pray]s1 %e did n see ?is fault2 or see+ x1 & n draw+ f ! =ces ( pray]1 %e c\ld n get ! bett] ( x4 ,x 0 a pity1 = %e _h bo? s5se & m]it4 ,i 0 made ! victim ( h] humors4 ,all h] occupation 0 to ?w>t me & %e inspir$ ! l s5tim5ts 9 h] son4 ,!y w\ld make p]sons my inf]iors take place above me4 ,my "m1 :o _h a high s5se ( honor1 c\ld n endure t4 ,:5 %e he>d x f o!rs 7= ,i told h] no?+7 %e *id$ me ?9k+ ,i did x because ,i did n "k h[ to keep my rank & _h no _s4 ,i d>$ n tell h] h[ x 02 b ,i 0 almo/ ready to die ) ! agonies ( grief & cont9ual vexation4 ,:at aggravat$ all 0 ! remembrance ( ! p]sons :o _h propos$ = me1 ! diff]5ce ( _! dispositions & mann]s1 ! love !y _h = me1 ) _! agreeabl5ess & polit5ess4 ,all ?is made my burd5 intol]able4 ,my "m-9-law upbraid$ me 9 reg>d to my family1 & spoke to me incessantly to ! disadvantage ( my fa!r & "m4 ,i nev] w5t to see !m1 b ,i _h "s bitt] spee*es to be> on my return4 ,my "m compla9$ t ,i did n come (t5 en\gh to see h]4 ,%e said ,i did n love h]1 t ,i 0 ali5at$ f my family by be+ too mu* atta*$ to my husb&4 ,:at augm5t$ my crosses 0 t my "m relat$ to my "m-9-law ! pa9s ,i _h co/ h] f infancy4 ,!y !n reproa*$ me1 say+1 ,i 0 a *angel+1 & an evil _s4 ,my husb& oblig$ me to /ay all day long 9 my "m-9-law's room1 )\t any lib]ty ( retir+ into my own ap>tm5t4 ,%e spoke disadvantage\sly ( me1 to less5 ! affection & e/eem :i* "s _h ent]ta9$ = me4 ,%e gall$ me ) ! grosse/ affronts be=e ! f9e/ company4 ,?is did n h ! effect %e want$2 ! m pati5tly !y saw me be> x1 ! high] e/eem !y _h = me4 ,%e f\nd ! secret ( ext+ui%+ my vivacity1 & r5d]+ me /upid4 ,"s ( my =m] acqua9tances h>dly knew me4 ,^? :o _h n se5 me be=e said1 ,is ?is ! p]son fam$ = su* abundance ( wit8 ,%e c't say two words4 ,%e is a f9e picture4 ,i 0 n yet sixte5 ye>s old4 ,i 0 s mu* intimidat$1 t ,i d>$ n g out )\t my "m-9-law1 & 9 h] pres5ce ,i c\ld n speak4 ,i knew n :at ,i said2 s mu* fe> _h ,i4 ,to complete my affliction1 !y pres5t$ me ) a wait+-maid :o 0 ev]y?+ ) !m4 ,%e kept me 9 sight l a gov]ness4 ,= ! mo/ "p ,i bore ) pati5ce ^! evils :i* ,i _h no way to avoid4 ,b sometimes ,i let "s ha/y answ] escape me1 a s\rce ( griev\s crosses to me4 ,:5 ,i w5t out1 ! footm5 _h ord]s to give an acc\nt ( ev]y?+ ,i did4 ,x 0 !n ,i began to eat ! bread ( sorr[s1 & to m+le te>s ) my dr9k4 ,at ! table !y always did some?+ :i* cov]$ me ) confusion4 ,i c\ld n =be> te>s4 ,i _h no "o to confide 9 :o might %>e my affliction1 & assi/ me to be> x4 ,:5 ,i w\ld imp>t "s h9t ( x to my "m1 ,i drew ^u myself new crosses4 ,i resolv$ to h no confidant4 ,x 0 n f any natural cruelty t my husb& treat$ me ?us2 he lov$ me passionately1 b he 0 w>m & ha/y1 & my "m-9-law cont9ually irritat$ him ab\t me4 ,x 0 9 a condition s deplorable1 ,o my ,god1 t ,i began to p]ceive ! ne$ ,i _h ( ,?y assi/ance4 ,= ?is situation 0 p]il\s = me4 ,i met ) none b admir]s abroad1 ^? t flatt]$ me to my hurt4 ,x 7 to be fe>$ le/ at su* a t5d] age1 amid all ! /range dome/ic crosses ,i _h to be>1 ,i might be drawn away4 ,b ,?\1 by ,?y goodness & love1 gave x q ano!r turn4 ,by ^! r$\bl$ /rokes ,?\ did/ draw me to ,?yself1 & by ,?y crosses effect$ :at ,?y c>esses c\ld n effect4 ,nay1 ,?\ made/ use ( my natural pride1 to keep me )9 ! limits ( my duty4 ,i knew t a woman ( honor ought nev] to give suspicion to h] husb&4 ,i 0 s v circumspect t ,i (t5 c>ri$ x to excess1 s f> z to refuse my h& to su* z 9 polit5ess (f]$ me !irs4 ,!re happ5$ to me an adv5ture :i*1 by c>ry+ my prud5ce too f>1 might h ru9$ me1 = ?+s 7 tak5 contr>y to _! int5t4 ,my husb& 0 s5sible bo? ( my innoc5ce & ( ! falsehood ( ! ins9uations ( my "m-9-law4 ,su* weighty crosses made me return to ,god4 ,i began to deplore ! s9s ( my y\?4 ,s9ce my m>riage ,i _h n committ$ any volunt>ily4 ,yet ,i /ill _h "s s5tim5ts ( vanity rema9+1 :i* ,i did n wi%4 ,h[ev]1 my tr\bles n[ c\nt]-balanc$ !m4 ,moreov]1 _m ( !m appe>$ my j dess]t accord+ to ! little light ,i !n _h4 ,i 0 n illum9at$ to p5etrate ! ess5ce ( my vanity2 ,i fix$ my ?\ghts only on its appe>ance4 ,i tri$ to am5d my life by p5ance1 & by a g5]al confession1 ! mo/ exact t ,i ev] yet _h made4 ,i laid aside ! read+ ( romances1 = :i* ,i lately _h su* a fondness4 ,?\gh "s "t be=e my m>riage t _h be5 damp5$ by read+ ! ,gospel1 ,i 0 s mu* affect$ !re)1 & discov]$ tru? !re91 t put me out ( pati5ce ) all ! o!r books4 ,novels appe>$ !n to me only full ( lies & deceit4 ,i n[ put away ev5 indiff]5t books1 to h none b su* z 7 pr(itable4 ,i resum$ ! practice ( pray]1 & endeavor$ to (f5d ,god no m4 ,i felt ,8 love gradually recov]+ ! asc5dant 9 my he>t1 & bani%+ e o!r4 ,yet ,i _h /ill an intol]able vanity & self-complac5cy1 :i* has be5 my mo/ griev\s & ob/9ate s94 ,my crosses r$\bl$4 ,:at r5d]$ !m m pa9ful 01 t my "m-9-law1 n cont5t ) ! bitt]e/ spee*es :i* %e utt]$ aga9/ me1 bo? 9 public & private1 w\ld break out 9 ang] ab\t ! smalle/ trifles1 & sc>cely be pacifi$ = a =tnight4 ,i us$ a "p ( my "t 9 bewail+ myself :5 ,i c\ld be alone2 & my grief became e day m bitt]4 ,sometimes ,i c\ld n conta9 myself1 :5 ! girls1 my dome/ics1 :o ow$ me submission1 treat$ me ill4 ,i did :at ,i c\ld to subdue my temp] :i* has co/ me n a little4 ,su* /unn+ bl[s s impair$ ! vivacity ( my nature1 t ,i became l a lamb t is %orn4 ,i pray$ to our ,"l to assi/ me1 & ,he 0 my refuge4 ,z my age diff]$ f !irs 7= my husb& 0 tw5ty-two ye>s old] ?an ,i7 ,i saw well t !re 0 no probability ( *ang+ _! dispositions1 :i* 7 =tifi$ ) ye>s4 ,i f\nd t :atev] ,i said 0 (f5sive1 n except+ ^? ?+s :i* o!rs w\ld h be5 pleas$ )4 ,"o day1 weigh$ d[n ) grief & 9 despair1 ab\t six mon?s aft] ,i 0 m>ri$1 be+ alone1 ,i 0 tempt$ ev5 to cut out my tongue s ,i might no long] irritate ^? :o seiz$ e ^w ,i utt]$ ) rage & res5tm5t4 ,b ,?\1 ,o ,god1 did/ /op me %ort & %[$ me my folly4 ,i pray$ cont9ually1 & wi%$ ev5 to become dumb1 s simple & ignorant 0 ,i4 ,?\gh ,i h _h my %>e ( crosses1 ,i nev] f\nd any s difficult to support z t ( p]petual contr>iety )\t relaxation ( do+ all "o c to please1 )\t succe$+1 b /ill (f5d+ by ! v means design$ to oblige4 ,be+ kept ) su* p]sons1 9 a mo/ sev]e conf9em5t1 f morn+ till night1 )\t ev] d>+ to quit !m is mo/ difficult4 ,i h f\nd t great crosses ov]:elm1 & /ifle all ang]4 ,su* a cont9ual contr>iety irritates & /irs up s\rness 9 ! he>t4 ,x has su* /range effect1 t x requires ! utmo/ ef=ts ( self-re/ra9t1 n to break out into vexation & rage4 ,my condition 9 m>riage 0 r t ( a slave ?an ( a free p]son4 ,i p]ceiv$1 f\r mon?s aft] my m>riage1 t my husb& 0 g\ty4 ,?is malady caus$ _m crosses )9 & )\t4 ,he _h ! g\t twice ! fir/ ye>1 six weeks ea* "t4 ,he 0 s mu* plagu$ ) x1 t he came no m out ( 8 room1 nor out ( 8 b$4 ,he 0 9 b$ usually = sev]al mon?s4 ,i c>efully att5d$ him al?\gh s v "y4 ,i did n fail to ex]t myself to ! utmo/ 9 ! p]=mance ( my duty4 ,alas6 all ?is did n ga9 me fri5d%ip4 ,i _h n ! consolation to "k :e!r :at ,i did 0 agreeable4 ,i d5i$ myself all ! mo/ innoc5t div]sions to cont9ue ) my husb&4 ,i did :atev] ,i ?\ght w\ld please him4 ,sometimes he quietly suff]$ me1 & !n ,i e/eem$ myself v happy4 ,at o!r times ,i seem$ insupportable to him4 ,my p>ticul> fri5ds said1 ,i 0 ( a f9e age inde$ to be a nurse to an invalid1 & t x 0 a %ameful ?+ t ,i did n set m value on my tal5ts4 ,i answ]$1 ,s9ce ,i h a husb&1 ,i ought to %>e 8 pa9ful z well z 8 pleas+ circum/ances4 ,besides ?is1 my "m1 in/ead ( pity+ me1 reprim&$ me %>ply = my assiduity to my husb&4 ,b1 ,o my ,god1 h[ diff]5t 7 ,?y ?\ghts f !irs1--h[ diff]5t t :i* 0 )\t1 f :at pass$ )96 ,my husb& _h t foible1 t :5 anyone said any?+ to him aga9/ me1 he flew into a rage at once4 ,x 0 ! conduct ( provid5ce ov] me2 = he 0 a man ( reason & lov$ me mu*4 ,:5 ,i 0 sick1 he 0 inconsolable4 ,i believe1 _h x n be5 = my "m-9-law1 & ! girl ,i h spok5 (1 ,i %\ld h be5 v happy ) him4 ,mo/ m5 h _! moods & emotions1 & x is ! duty ( a reasonable woman to be> !m peaceably1 )\t irritat+ !m m by cross replies4 ,^! ?+s ,?\ ha/ ord]$1 ,o my ,god1 9 su* a mann]1 by ,?y goodness1 t ,i h s9ce se5 x 0 necess>y1 to make me die to my va9 & haughty nature4 ,i %\ld n h _h p[] to de/roy x myself1 if ?\ had/ n accompli%$ x by an all-wise economy ( ?y provid5ce4 ,i pray$ = pati5ce ) great e>ne/ness2 nev]!less1 "s sallies ( my natural livel9ess escap$ me1 & vanqui%$ ! resolutions ,i _h tak5 ( be+ sil5t4 ,?is 0 d\btless p]mitt$1 t my self-love might n be n\ri%$ by my pati5ce4 ,ev5 a mom5t's slip caus$ me mon?s ( humiliation1 reproa* & sorr[1 & prov$ ! occasion ( new crosses4 ,,*apt] #g ,dur+ ! fir/ ye> ,i 0 /ill va94 ,i sometimes li$ to excuse myself to my husb& & "m-9-law4 ,i /ood /rangely 9 awe ( !m4 ,sometimes ,i fell into a temp]1 _! conduct appe>$ s v unreasonable1 & especially _! c\nt5anc+ ! mo/ provok+ treatm5t ( ! girl :o s]v$ me4 ,z to my "m-9-law1 h] age & rank r5d]$ h] conduct m tol]able4 ,b ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 op5$ my eyes to see ?+s 9 a v diff]5t light4 ,i f\nd 9 ,!e reasons = suff]+1 :i* ,i _h nev] f\nd 9 ! creature4 ,i aft]w>d saw cle>ly & reflect$ ) joy1 t ?is conduct1 z unreasonable z x seem$1 & z mortify+ z x 01 0 q necess>y = me4 ,_h ,i be5 applaud$ "h z ,i 0 at my fa!r's1 ,i %\ld h gr[n intol]ably pr\d4 ,i _h a fault common to mo/ ( our sex--,i c\ld n he> a beautiful woman prais$1 )\t f9d+ fault1 to less5 ! good :i* 0 said ( h]4 ,?is fault cont9u$ long1 & 0 ! fruit ( gross & malignant pride4 ,extravagantly extoll+ anyone proce$s f a l s\rce4 ,j be=e ! bir? ( my fir/ *ild1 !y 7 induc$ to take great c>e ( me4 ,my crosses 7 some:at mitigat$4 ,inde$1 ,i 0 s ill t x 0 en\gh to excite ! compassion ( ! mo/ indiff]5t4 ,!y _h s great a desire ( hav+ *ildr5 to inh]it _! =tunes1 t !y 7 cont9ually afraid le/ ,i %\ld any way hurt myself4 ,yet1 :5 ! "t ( my deliv]y drew ne>1 ?is c>e & t5d]ness ( me abat$4 ,once1 z my "m-9-law _h treat$ me 9 a v grat+ mann]1 ,i _h ! malice to feign a *olic1 to give !m "s al>m2 b z ,i saw ?is little artifice gave !m too mu* pa91 ,i told !m ,i 0 bett]4 ,no creature c\ld be m heavily lad5 ) sickness ?an ,i 04 ,beside cont9ual heav+s1 ,i _h s /range a di/a/e1 except = "s fruit1 t ,i c\ld n be> ! sight ( food4 ,i _h cont9ual swoon+s & viol5t pa9s4 ,aft] my deliv]y ,i cont9u$ weak a long "t4 ,!re 0 inde$ suffici5t to ex]cise pati5ce1 & ,i 0 enabl$ to (f] up my suff]+s to our ,"l4 ,i took a fev]1 :i* r5d]$ me s weak1 t aft] sev]al weeks ,i c\ld sc>cely be> to be mov$ or to h my b$ made4 ,:5 ,i began to recov]1 an abscess fell ^u my brea/1 :i* 0 =c$ to be laid op5 9 two places1 :i* gave me great pa94 ,yet all ! maladies seem$ to me only a %ad[ ( tr\bles1 9 comp>ison ) ^? ,i suff]$ 9 ! family :i* daily increas$4 ,inde$1 life 0 s we>isome to me1 t ^? maladies :i* 7 ?\ght mortal did n fright5 me4 ,! ev5t improv$ my appe>ance1 & consequ5tly s]v$ to increase my vanity4 ,i 0 glad to call =? expressions ( reg>d4 ,i w5t to ! public prom5ades 7?\gh b seldom7 & :5 9 ! /reets1 ,i pull$ (f my mask out ( vanity4 ,i drew (f my gloves to %[ my h&s4 ,c\ld !re be great] folly8 ,aft] fall+ into ^! weaknesses1 ,i us$ to weep bitt]ly at home4 ,yet1 :5 occasion (f]$1 ,i fell into !m aga94 ,my husb& lo/ consid]ably4 ,?is co/ me /range crosses1 n t ,i c>$ = ! losses1 b ,i seem$ to be ! butt ( all ! ill-humors ( ! family4 ,) :at pleasure did ,i sacrifice temporal bless+s4 ,h[ (t5 ,i felt will+ to h begg$ my bread1 if ,god _h s ord]$ x4 ,b my "m-9-law 0 inconsolable4 ,%e bid me pray to ,god = ^! ?+s4 ,to me t 0 :olly impossible4 ,o my de>e/ ,"l1 nev] c\ld ,i pray to ,!e ab\t ! _w1 or ! ?+s !re(2 nor sully my sacr$ addresses to ,?y maje/y ) ! dirt ( ! e>?4 ,no2 ,i r wi% to r5\nce x all1 & ev]y?+ beside :atsoev]1 = ! sake ( ,?y love1 & ! enjoym5t ( ,?y pres5ce 9 t k+dom :i* is n ( ?is _w4 ,i :olly sacrific$ myself to ,!e1 ev5 e>ne/ly begg+ ,!e r to r$uce our family to begg>y1 ?an suff] x to (f5d !e4 ,9 my own m9d ,i excus$ my "m-9-law1 say+ to myself1 ,if ,i _h tak5 ! pa9s to scrape & save1 ,i w\ld n be s indiff]5t at see+ s mu* lo/4 ,i enjoy :at co/ me no?+1 & reap :at ,i h n s[$4 ,yet all ^! ?\ghts c\ld n make me s5sible to our losses4 ,i ev5 =m$ agreeable ideas ( our go+ to ! hospital4 ,no /ate appe>$ to me s poor & mis]able1 :i* ,i %\ld n h ?\ght easy1 9 comp>ison ) ! cont9ual dome/ic p]secutions ,i und]w5t4 ,my fa!r1 :o lov$ me t5d]ly1 & :om ,i honor$ beyond expression1 knew no?+ ( x4 ,god s p]mitt$ x1 t ,i %\ld h him also displeas$ ) me = "s "t4 ,my "m 0 cont9ually tell+ him t ,i 0 an ungrateful creature1 %[+ no reg>d = !m1 b all = my husb&'s family4 ,appe>ances 7 aga9/ me4 ,i did n g to see !m z (t5 z ,i %\ld4 ,!y knew n ! captivity ,i 0 92 :at ,i 0 oblig$ to be> 9 def5d+ !m4 ,^! compla9ts ( my "m1 & a trivial affair t fell out1 less5$ a little my fa!r's fond reg>d = me2 b x did n la/ long4 ,my "m-9-law reproa*$ me1 say+1 ,no afflictions befell !m till ,i came into ! h\se4 ,all mis=tunes came ) me4 ,on ! o!r h& my "m want$ me to exclaim aga9/ my husb& :i* ,i c\ld nev] submit to d4 ,we cont9u$ to meet ) loss aft] loss1 ! k+ retr5*+ a consid]able %>e ( our rev5ues1 besides great sums ( money1 :i* we lo/ by ,l',hotel de ,ville4 ,i c\ld h no re/ or peace1 9 su* great afflictions4 ,i _h no mortal to console me1 or to advise me4 ,my si/]1 :o _h educat$ me1 _h dep>t$ ?is life4 ,%e di$ two mon?s be=e my m>riage4 ,i _h no o!r = a confidant4 ,i decl>e1 t ,i f9d mu* repugnance 9 say+ s _m ?+s ( my "m-9-law4 ,i h no d\bt t my own indiscretion1 my caprice1 & ! occasional sallies ( a w>m temp]1 drew _m ( ! crosses ^u me4 ,al?\gh ,i _h :at ! _w calls pati5ce1 yet ,i _h nei!r a reli% nor love = ! cross4 ,_! conduct t[>d me1 :i* appe>$ s unreasonable1 %\ld n be look$ ^u ) worldly eyes4 ,we %\ld look high] & !n we %all see t x 0 direct$ by ,provid5ce = my et]nal advantage4 ,i n[ dress$ my hair 9 ! mo/ mode/ mann]1 nev] pa9t$1 & to subdue ! vanity :i* /ill _h possession ( me1 ,i r>ely look$ 9 ! glass4 ,my read+ 0 conf9$ to books ( devotion1 su* z ,?omas a',kempis1 & ! works ( ,/4 ,francis de ,sales4 ,i read ^! al\d = ! improvem5t ( ! s]vants1 :ile ! maid 0 dress+ my hair4 ,i suff]$ myself to be dress$ j z %e pleas$1 :i* fre$ me f a great deal ( tr\ble4 ,x took away ! occasions :]e9 my vanity us$ to be ex]cis$4 ,i knew n h[ ?+s 72 b !y always lik$ me1 & ?\ght all well 9 po9t ( dress4 ,if on "s p>ticul> days ,i want$ to appe> bett]1 x prov$ worse4 ,! m indiff]5t ,i 0 ab\t dress ! bett] ,i appe>$4 ,h[ (t5 h ,i gone to *ur*1 n s mu* to wor%ip ,god z to be se54 ,o!r wom51 jeal\s ( me1 affirm$ t ,i pa9t$2 !y told my confessor1 :o *id$ me = x1 ?\gh ,i assur$ him ,i 0 innoc5t4 ,i (t5 spoke 9 my own praise1 & s\ght to raise myself by depreciat+ o!rs4 ,yet ^! faults gradually deceas$2 = ,i 0 v sorry aft]w>d = hav+ committ$ !m4 ,i (t5 exam9$ myself v /rictly1 writ+ d[n my faults f week to week1 & f mon? to mon?1 to see h[ mu* ,i 0 improv$ or re=m$4 ,alas6 ?is labor1 ?\gh fatigu+1 0 ( b little s]vice1 because ,i tru/$ 9 my own ef=ts4 ,i wi%$ inde$ to be re=m$1 b my good desires 7 weak & languid4 ,at "o "t my husb&'s abs5ce 0 s long1 & 9 ! meantime my crosses & vexations at home s great1 t ,i det]m9$ to g to him4 ,my "m-9-law /rongly oppos$ x4 ,?is once my fa!r int]f]+1 & insi/+ on x1 %e let me g4 ,on my arrival ,i f\nd he _h almo/ di$4 ,?r\gh vexation & frett+ he 0 v mu* *ang$4 ,he c\ld n f9i% 8 affairs1 hav+ no lib]ty 9 att5d+ to !m1 keep+ himself conceal$ at ! ,hotel de ,longueville1 :]e ,madame de ,longueville 0 extremely k9d to me4 ,i came publicly1 & he 0 9 great fe> le/ ,i %\ld make him kn[n4 ,9 a rage he bid me return home4 ,love & my long abs5ce f him surm\nt+ e o!r reason1 he soon rel5t$ & suff]$ me to /ay ) him4 ,he kept me eight days )\t lett+ me /ir out ( 8 sight4 ,fe>+ ! effects ( su* a close conf9em5t on my con/itution1 he desir$ me to g & take a walk 9 ! g>d54 ,!re ,i met ,madame de ,longueville1 :o te/ifi$ great joy on see+ me4 ,i _c express all ! k9dness ,i met ) 9 ?is h\se4 ,all ! dome/ics s]v$ me ) emulation1 & applaud$ me on acc\nt ( my appe>ance1 & ext]ior deportm5t4 ,yet ,i 0 mu* on my gu>d aga9/ too mu* att5tion4 ,i nev] ent]$ into disc\rse ) any man :5 alone4 ,i admitt$ none into my coa*1 n ev5 my relations1 unless my husb& 7 9 x4 ,!re 0 n any rule ( discretion :i* ,i did n duly obs]ve1 to avoid giv+ suspicion to my husb&1 or subject ( calumny to o!rs4 ,ev]yone /udi$ !re h[ to contribute to div]t or oblige me4 ,outw>dly ev]y?+ appe>$ agreeable4 ,*agr9 _h s ov]come & ruffl$ my husb& t ,i _h cont9ually some?+ to be>4 ,sometimes he ?reat5$ to ?r[ ! supp] out ( ! w9d[s4 ,i said1 he w\ld !n d me an injury1 z ,i _h a ke5 appetite4 ,i made him laugh & ,i laugh$ ) him4 ,be=e t1 melan*oly prevail$ ov] all my endeavors1 & ov] ! love he _h = me4 ,god bo? arm$ me ) pati5ce & gave me ! grace to return him no answ]4 ,! devil1 :o attempt$ to draw me into "s (f5ce1 0 =c$ to retire 9 confusion1 ?r\gh ! signal assi/ance ( t grace4 ,i lov$ my ,god & 0 unwill+ to displease ,him1 & ,i 0 inw>dly griev$ on acc\nt ( t vanity1 :i* /ill ,i f\nd myself unable to eradicate4 ,inw>d di/resses1 toge!r ) oppressive crosses1 :i* ,i _h daily to enc\nt]1 at l5g? ?rew me into sickness4 ,z ,i 0 unwill+ to incommode ! ,hotel de ,longueville ,i _h myself mov$ to ano!r h\se4 ,! disease prov$ viol5t & t$i\s1 insomu* t ! physicians despair$ ( my life4 ,! prie/1 a pi\s man1 seem$ fully satisfi$ ) ! /ate ( my m9d4 ,he said1 ,i %\ld die l a sa9t4 ,b my s9s 7 too pres5t & too pa9ful to my he>t to h su* presumption4 ,at midnight !y adm9i/]$ ! sacram5t to me z !y h\rly expect$ my dep>ture4 ,x 0 a sc5e ( g5]al di/ress 9 ! family & among all :o knew me4 ,!re 7 none indiff]5t to my dea? b myself4 ,i beheld x )\t fe>1 & 0 ins5sible to its approa*4 ,x 0 f> o!rwise ) my husb&4 ,he 0 inconsolable :5 he saw !re 0 no hope4 ,i no soon] began to recov]1 ?an not)/&+ all 8 love1 8 usual fretfulness return$4 ,i recov]$ almo/ miracul\sly & to me ?is disord] prov$ a great bless+4 ,beside a v great pati5ce "u viol5t pa9s1 x s]v$ to in/ruct me mu* 9 my view ( ! empt9ess ( all worldly ?+s4 ,x deta*$ me f myself & gave me new c\rage to suff] bett] ?an ,i _h done4 ,! love ( ,god ga!r$ /r5g? 9 my he>t1 ) a desire to please & be fai?ful to ,him 9 my condition4 ,i reap$ sev]al o!r advantages f x :i* ,i ne$ n relate1 ,i _h yet six mon?s to drag along ) a sl[ fev]4 ,x 0 ?\ght t x w\ld t]m9ate 9 dea?4 ,?y "t1 ,o my ,god1 _h n yet arriv$ = tak+ me to ,?yself4 ,?y designs ov] me 7 widely diff]5t f ! expectations ( ^? ab\t me2 x be+ ,?y det]m9ation to make me bo? ! object ( ,?y m]cy & ! victim ( ,?y ju/ice4 ,,*apt] #h ,aft] long langui%+1 at l5g? ,i rega9$ my =m] heal?4 ,ab\t ?is "t my de> "m dep>t$ ?is life 9 great tranquility ( m9d4 ,beside h] o!r good qualities1 %e _h be5 p>ticul>ly *>itable to ! poor4 ,?is virtue1 s acceptable to ,god1 ,he 0 graci\sly pleas$ to comm5ce rew>d+ ev5 9 ?is life4 ,?\gh %e 0 b tw5ty-f\r h\rs sick1 %e 0 made p]fectly easy ab\t ev]y?+ t 0 ne> & de> to h] 9 ?is _w4 ,i n[ appli$ myself to my duties1 nev] fail+ to practice t ( pray] twice a day4 ,i wat*$ ov] myself1 to subdue my _s cont9ually4 ,i w5t to visit ! poor 9 _! h\ses1 assi/+ !m 9 _! di/resses4 ,i did 7accord+ to my und]/&+7 all ! good ,i knew4 ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 increas$ bo? my love & my pati5ce1 9 proportion to my suff]+s4 ,i regrett$ n ! temporal advantages ) :i* my "m di/+ui%$ my bro!r above me4 ,yet !y fell on me ab\t t1 z ab\t ev]y?+ else4 ,i also _h = "s "t a sev]e ague4 ,i did n inde$ s]ve ,!e yet ) t f]vor :i* ,?\ did/ give me soon aft]4 ,= ,i w\ld /ill h be5 glad to reconcile ,?y love ) ! love ( myself & ( ! creature4 ,unhappily ,i always f\nd "s :o lov$ me1 & :om ,i c\ld n =be> wi%+ to please4 ,x 0 n t ,i lov$ !m1 b x 0 = ! love t ,i bore to myself4 ,a lady1 an exile1 came to my fa!r's h\se4 ,he (f]$ h] an ap>tm5t :i* %e accept$1 & %e /ay$ a long "t4 ,%e 0 "o ( true piety & inw>d devotion4 ,%e _h a great e/eem = me1 because ,i desir$ to love ,god4 ,%e rem>k$ t ,i _h ! virtues ( an active & bu/l+ life2 b ,i _h n yet atta9$ ! simplicity ( pray] :i* %e exp]i5c$4 ,sometimes %e dropp$ a ^w to me on t subject4 ,z my "t _h n yet come1 ,i did n und]/& h]4 ,h] example in/ruct$ me m ?an h] words4 ,i obs]v$ on h] c\nt5ance some?+ :i* m>k$ a great enjoym5t ( ! pres5ce ( ,god4 ,by ! ex]tion ( /udi$ reflection & ?\ghts ,i tri$ to atta9 x b to little purpose4 ,i want$ to h1 by my own ef=ts1 :at ,i c\ld n acquire except by ceas+ f all ef=ts4 ,my fa!r's nephew1 ( :om ,i h made m5tion be=e1 0 return$ f ,co*9 ,*9a1 to take ov] "s prie/s f ,europe4 ,i 0 exce$+ly glad to see him1 & rememb]$ :at good he _h done me4 ,! lady m5tion$ 0 no less rejoic$ ?an ,i4 ,!y und]/ood ea* o!r imm$iately & conv]s$ 9 a spiritual language4 ,! virtue ( ?is excell5t relation *>m$ me4 ,i admir$ 8 cont9ual pray] )\t be+ able to compreh5d x4 ,i endeavor$ to m$itate1 & to ?9k on ,god )\t int]mission1 to utt] pray]s & ejaculations4 ,i c\ld n acquire1 by all my toil1 :at ,god at l5g? gave me ,himself1 & :i* is exp]i5c$ only 9 simplicity4 ,my c\s9 did all he c\ld to atta* me m /rongly to ,god4 ,he conceiv$ great affection = me4 ,! purity he obs]v$ 9 me f ! corruptions ( ! age1 ! abhorr5ce ( s9 at a "t ( life :5 o!rs are beg9n+ to reli% ! pleasures ( x1 7,i 0 n yet eighte571 gave him a great t5d]ness = me4 ,i compla9$ to him ( my faults +5u\sly4 ,^! ,i saw cle>ly4 ,he *e]$ & exhort$ me to support myself1 & to p]sev]e 9 my good endeavors4 ,he w\ld fa9 h introduc$ me into a m simple mann] ( pray]1 b ,i 0 n yet ready = x4 ,i believe 8 pray]s 7 m effectual ?an 8 words4 ,no soon] 0 he gone out ( my fa!r's h\se1 ?an ?\1 ,o ,div9e ,love1 manife/$ ?y favor4 ,! desire ,i _h to please ,!e1 ! te>s ,i %$1 ! manifold pa9s ,i und]w5t1 ! labors ,i su/a9$1 & ! little fruit ,i reap$ f !m1 mov$ ,!e ) compassion4 ,?is 0 ! /ate ( my s\l :5 ,?y goodness1 surpass+ all my vil5ess & infidelities1 & ab\nd+ 9 proportion to my wret*$ness1 grant$ me 9 a mom5t1 :at all my own ef=ts c\ld nev] procure4 ,behold+ me r[+ ) labori\s toil1 ! brea? ( ,?y div9e op]ations turn$ 9 my favor1 & c>ri$ me full sail ov] ?is sea ( affliction4 ,i _h (t5 spok5 to my confessor ab\t ! great anxiety x gave me to f9d ,i c\ld n m$itate1 nor ex]t my imag9ation 9 ord] to pray4 ,subjects ( pray] :i* 7 too ext5sive 7 useless to me4 ,^? :i* 7 %ort & pi?y suit$ me bett]4 ,at l5g?1 ,god p]mitt$ a v religi\s p]son1 ( ! ord] ( ,/4 ,francis1 to pass by my fa!r's dwell+4 ,he _h int5d$ go+ ano!r way t 0 %ort]1 b a secret p[] *ang$ 8 design4 ,he saw !re 0 some?+ = him to d1 & imag9$ t ,god _h call$ him = ! conv]sion ( a man ( "s di/9ction 9 t c\ntry4 ,8 labors !re prov$ fruitless4 ,x 0 ! conque/ ( my s\l :i* 0 design$4 ,z soon z he arriv$ he came to see my fa!r :o rejoic$ at 8 com+4 ,at ?is "t ,i 0 ab\t to be deliv]$ ( my second son1 & my fa!r 0 dang]\sly ill1 expect$ to die4 ,= "s "t !y conceal$ 8 sickness f me4 ,an indiscreet p]son abruptly told me4 ,in/antly ,i arose1 weak z ,i 01 & w5t to see him4 ,a dang]\s illness came ^u me4 ,my fa!r 0 recov]$1 b n entirely1 en\gh to give me new m>ks ( 8 affection4 ,i told him ( ! /rong desire ,i _h to love ,god1 & my great sorr[ at n be+ able to d x fully4 ,he ?\ght he c\ld n give me a m solid indication ( 8 love ?an 9 procur+ me an acqua9tance ) ?is wor?y man4 ,he told me :at he knew ( him1 & urg$ me to g & see him4 ,at fir/ ,i made a difficulty ( do+ x1 be+ int5t on obs]v+ ! rules ( ! /ricte/ prud5ce4 ,h[ev]1 my fa!r's repeat$ reque/s _h ) me ! weight ( a positive comm&4 ,i ?\ght ,i c\ld n d t amiss1 :i* ,i only did 9 ob$i5ce to him4 ,i took a k9swoman ) me4 ,at fir/ he seem$ a little confus$2 = he 0 res]v$ t[>d wom54 ,be+ newly come out ( a five ye>s' solitude1 he 0 surpris$ t ,i 0 ! fir/ to address him4 ,he spoke n a ^w = "s "t4 ,i knew n to :at attribute 8 sil5ce4 ,i did n hesitate to speak to him1 & to tell him a few words1 my difficulties ab\t pray]4 ,pres5tly he repli$1 ,x is1 madame1 because y seek )\t :at y h )94 ,accu/om y\rself to seek ,god 9 y\r he>t1 & y w !re f9d ,him4 ,hav+ said ^! words1 he left me4 ,!y 7 to me l ! /roke ( a d>t1 :i* p5etrat$ ?r\gh my he>t4 ,i felt a v deep w\nd1 a w\nd s delightful t ,i desir$ n to be cur$4 ,^! words br\ght into my he>t :at ,i _h be5 seek+ s _m ye>s4 ,r !y discov]$ to me :at 0 !re1 & :i* ,i _h n enjoy$ = want ( kn[+ x4 ,o my ,"l1 ,?\ wa/ 9 my he>t1 & dem&$ only a simple turn+ ( my m9d inw>d1 to make me p]ceive ,?y pres5ce4 ,oh1 ,inf9ite ,goodness6 h[ 0 ,i runn+ hi!r & ?i!r to seek ,!e1 my life 0 a burd5 to me1 al?\gh my happ9ess 0 )9 myself4 ,i 0 poor 9 ri*es1 & ready to p]i% ) hung]1 ne> a table pl5tifully spread1 & a cont9ual fea/4 ,o ,beauty1 anci5t & new2 :y h ,i kn[n ,!e s late8 ,alas6 ,i s\ght ,!e :]e ,?\ w]t n1 & did n seek ,!e :]e ?\ w]t4 ,x 0 = want ( und]/&+ ^! words ( ,?y ,gospel1 ,! k+dom ( ,god come? n ) obs]vation444 ,! k+dom ( ,god is )9 y4 ,?is ,i n[ exp]i5c$4 ,?\ became/ my ,k+1 & my he>t ,?y k+dom1 :]e9 ,?\ did/ reign supreme1 & p]=m$ all ,?y sacr$ w4 ,i told ?is man1 t ,i did n "k :at he _h done to me1 t my he>t 0 q *ang$1 t ,god 0 !re4 ,he _h giv5 me an exp]i5ce ( ,8 pres5ce 9 my s\l2 n by ?\ght or any application ( m9d1 b z a ?+ really possess$ aft] ! sweete/ mann]4 ,i exp]i5c$ ^! words 9 ! ,canticles 7,song ( ,solomon73 ,?y "n is z preci\s o9tm5t p\r$ =?2 !re=e d ! virg9s love !e4 ,i felt 9 my s\l an unction :i*1 z a salut>y balsam1 heal$ 9 a mom5t all my w\nds4 ,i slept n t :ole night1 because ,?y love1 ,o my ,god1 fl[$ 9 me l a delici\s oil1 & burn$ z a fire :i* 0 go+ to dev\r all t 0 left ( self4 ,i 0 sudd5ly s alt]$ t ,i 0 h>dly to be kn[n ei!r by myself or o!rs4 ,i f\nd no long] ^? tr\blesome faults or reluctances4 ,!y disappe>$1 be+ consum$ l *aff 9 a great fire4 ,i n[ became desir\s t ! in/rum5t h]e( might become my director1 pref]able to any o!r4 ,?is good fa!r c\ld n readily resolve to *>ge himself ) my conduct al?\gh he saw s surpris+ a *ange effect$ by ! h& ( ,god4 ,sev]al reasons induc$ him to excuse himself4 ,fir/1 my p]son1 !n my y\?1 = ,i 0 only n9ete5 ye>s4 ,la/ly1 a promise he _h made to ,god1 f a di/ru/ ( himself1 nev] to take ^u himself ! direction ( any ( our sex1 unless ,god1 by "s p>ticul> provid5ce1 %\ld *>ge him !re)4 ,h[ev]1 ^u my e>ne/ & repeat$ reque/ to him to become my director1 he said he w\ld pray to ,god & desir$ t ,i %\ld d s4 ,z he 0 at pray]1 x 0 said to him1 ,fe> n t *>ge2 %e is my sp\se4 ,:5 ,i he>d ?is1 x affect$ me greatly4 ,:at 7said ,i to myself7 a frightful mon/] ( iniquity1 :o has done s mu* to (f5d my ,god1 9 abus+ ,8 favors1 & requit+ !m ) +ratitude1 n[ to be decl>$ 8 sp\se6 ,aft] ?is he cons5t$ to my reque/4 ,no?+ 0 m easy to me ?an pray]4 ,h\rs pass$ away l mom5ts1 :ile ,i c\ld h>dly d any?+ else b pray4 ,! f]v5cy ( my love all[$ me no int]mission4 ,x 0 a pray] ( rejoic+ & possess+1 devoid ( all busy imag9ations & =c$ reflections2 x 0 a pray] ( ! w1 & n ( ! head4 ,! ta/e ( ,god 0 s great1 s pure1 unbl5d$ & un9t]rupt$1 t x drew & absorb$ ! p[] ( my s\l into a pr(\nd recollection )\t act or disc\rse4 ,i _h n[ no sight b ( ,jesus ,*ri/ alone4 ,all else 0 exclud$1 9 ord] to love ) ! great] ext5t1 )\t any selfi% motives or reasons = lov+4 ,! w1 absorb$ ! two o!rs1 ! memory & und]/&+ into itself1 & conc5trat$ !m 9 ,,love2--n b t !y /ill subsi/$1 b _! op]ations 7 9 a mann] imp]ceptible & passive4 ,!y 7 no long] /opp$ or ret>d$ by ! multiplicity1 b collect$ & unit$ 9 "o4 ,s ! ris+ ( ! sun does n ext+ui% ! />s1 b ov]p[]s & absorbs !m 9 ! lu/] ( 8 incomp>able glory4 ,,*apt] #i ,su* 0 ! pray] t 0 giv5 me at once1 f> above ec/acies1 transports or visions4 ,all ^! gifts are less pure1 & m subject to illusion or deceits f ! enemy4 ,visions are 9 ! inf]ior p[]s ( ! s\l1 & _c produce true union4 ,! s\l mu/ n dwell or rely ^u !m1 or be ret>d$ by !m2 !y are b favors & gifts4 ,! ,giv] alone mu/ be our object1 & aim4 ,x is ( su* t ,paul speaks1 ,satan trans=ms himself into an angel ( light1 ,,ii ,cor4 #aa3ah2 :i* is g5]ally ! case ) su* z are fond ( visions1 & lay a /ress on !m2 because !y are apt to convey a vanity to ! s\l1 or at lea/ h9d] x f humbly att5d+ to ,god only4 ,ec/acies arise f a s5sible reli%4 ,!y may be t]m$ a k9d ( spiritual s5suality1 :]e9 ! s\l lett+ itself g too f>1 by reason ( ! sweetness x f9ds 9 !m1 falls imp]ceptibly into decay4 ,! crafty enemy pres5ts su* sort ( int]ior elevations & raptures = baits to entrap ! s\l1 to fill x ) vanity & self-love1 to fix its e/eem & att5tion on ! gifts ( ,god1 & to h9d] x f foll[+ ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 ! way ( r5unciation & ( dea? to all ?+s4 ,& z to di/9ct int]ior words1 !y too are subject to illusion2 ! enemy c =m & c\nt]feit !m4 ,or if !y come f a good angel 7= ,god ,himself nev] speaks ?us7 we may mi/ake & misappreh5d !m4 ,!y are spok5 9 a div9e mann]1 b we con/rue !m 9 a human & c>nal mann]4 ,b ! imm$iate ^w ( ,god has nei!r tone nor articulation4 ,x is mute1 sil5t1 & unutt]able4 ,x is ,jesus ,*ri/ ,himself1 ! real & ess5tial ,^w :o 9 ! c5t] ( ! s\l t is dispos$ = receiv+ ,him1 nev] "o mom5t ceases f ,8 liv+1 fruitful1 & div9e op]ation4 ,oh1 ?\ ,^w made fle%1 ^: sil5ce is inexpressible eloqu5ce1 ,?\ can/ nev] be misappreh5d$ or mi/ak54 ,?\ become/ ! life ( our life1 & ! s\l ( our s\l4 ,h[ inf9itely is ?y language elevat$ above all ! utt]ances ( human & f9ite articulation4 ,?y adorable p[]1 all efficaci\s 9 ! s\l t has receiv$ x1 communicates itself ?r\gh !m to o!rs4 ,z a div9e se$ x becomes fruitful to et]nal life4 ,! revelations ( ?+s to come are also v dang]\s4 ,! ,devil c c\nt]feit !m1 z he did =m]ly 9 ! hea!n temples1 :]e he utt]$ oracles4 ,frequ5tly !y raise false ideas1 va9 hopes1 & frivol\s expectations4 ,!y take up ! m9d ) future ev5ts1 h9d] x f dy+ to self1 & prev5t x foll[+ ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 ,8 pov]ty1 abnegation1 & dea?4 ,widely diff]5t is ! revelation ( ,jesus ,*ri/1 made to ! s\l :5 ! et]nal ,^w is communicat$4 7,gal4 #a3af47 ,x makes u new creatures1 creat$ anew 9 ,him4 ,?is revelation is :at ! ,devil _c c\nt]feit4 ,f h5ce proce$s ! only safe transport ( ec/asy1 :i* is op]at$ by nak$ fai? alone1 & dy+ ev5 to ! gifts ( ,god4 ,z long z ! s\l cont9ues re/+ 9 gifts1 x does n fully r5\nce itself4 ,nev] pass+ into ,god ! s\l loses ! real enjoym5t ( ! ,giv]1 by atta*m5ts to ! gifts4 ,?is is truly an unutt]able loss4 ,le/ ,i %\ld let my m9d g aft] ^! gifts1 & /eal myself f ?y love1 ,o my ,god1 ,?\ wa/ pleas$ to fix me 9 a cont9ual adh]5ce to ,?yself alone4 ,s\ls ?us direct$ get ! %orte/ way4 ,!y are to expect great suff]+s1 especially if !y are mighty 9 fai?1 9 mortification & deadness to all b ,god4 ,a pure & dis9t]e/$ love1 & int5s5ess ( m9d = ! advancem5t ( ?y int]e/ alone4 ,^! are ! dispositions ,?\ did/ implant 9 me1 & ev5 a f]v5t desire ( suff]+ = ,!e4 ,! cross1 :i* ,i _h hi!rto borne only ) resignation1 0 become my delight1 & ! special object ( my rejoic+4 ,,*apt] #aj ,i wrote an acc\nt ( my wond]ful *ange1 9 po9t ( happ9ess1 to t good fa!r :o _h be5 made ! in/rum5t ( x4 ,x fill$ him bo? ) joy & a/oni%m5t4 ,o my ,god1 :at p5ances did ! love ( suff]+ induce me to und]go6 ,i 0 impell$ to deprive myself ( ! mo/ innoc5t indulg5ces4 ,all t c\ld gratify my ta/e 0 d5i$ & ,i took ev]y?+ t c\ld mortify & disgu/ x4 ,my appetite1 :i* _h be5 extremely delicate1 0 s f> conqu]$ t ,i c\ld sc>cely pref] "o ?+ to ano!r4 ,i dress$ loa?some sores & w\nds1 & gave rem$ies to ! sick4 ,:5 ,i fir/ engag$ 9 ?is sort ( employm5t1 x 0 ) ! greate/ difficulty ,i 0 able to be> x4 ,z soon z my av]sion ceas$1 & ,i c\ld /& ! mo/ (f5sive ?+s1 o!r *annels ( employm5t 7 op5$ to me4 ,= ,i did no?+ ( myself1 b left myself to be :olly gov]n$ by my ,sov]eign4 ,:5 t good fa!r ask$ me h[ ,i lov$ ,god1 ,i answ]$1 ,f> m ?an ! mo/ passionate lov] 8 belov$2 & t ev5 ?is comp>ison 0 inadequate1 s9ce ! love ( ! creature nev] c atta9 to ?is1 ei!r 9 /r5g? or 9 dep?4 ,?is love ( ,god occupi$ my he>t s con/antly & s /rongly1 t ,i c\ld ?9k ( no?+ else4 ,inde$1 ,i judg$ no?+ else wor?y ( my ?\ghts4 ,! good fa!r m5tion$ 0 an excell5t prea*]4 ,he 0 desir$ to prea* 9 ! p>i% to :i* ,i belong$4 ,:5 ,i came1 ,i 0 s /rongly absorb$ 9 ,god1 t ,i c\ld nei!r op5 my eyes1 nor he> any?+ he said4 ,i f\nd t ,?y ,^w1 ,o my ,god1 made its own impression on my he>t1 & !re _h its effect1 )\t ! m$iation ( words or any att5tion to !m4 ,& ,i h f\nd x s ev] s9ce1 b aft] a diff]5t mann]1 accord+ to ! diff]5t degrees & /ates ,i h pass$ ?r\gh4 ,s deeply 0 ,i settl$ 9 ! inw>d _s ( pray]1 t ,i c\ld sc>ce any m pron\nce ! vocal pray]s4 ,?is imm]sion 9 ,god absorb$ all ?+s !re94 ,al?\gh ,i t5d]ly lov$ c]ta9 sa9ts1 z ,/4 ,pet]1 ,/4 ,paul1 ,/4 ,m>y ,magdal5e1 ,/4 ,t]esa1 yet ,i c\ld n =m to myself images ( !m1 nor invoke any ( !m out ( ,god4 ,a few weeks aft] ,i _h receiv$ t int]ior w\nd ( ! he>t1 :i* _h begun my *ange1 ! fea/ ( ! ,bless$ ,virg9 0 held1 9 ! conv5t 9 :i* 0 t good fa!r my director4 ,i w5t 9 ! morn+ to get ! indulg5ces & 0 mu* surpris$ :5 ,i came !re & f\nd t ,i c\ld n attempt x2 ?\gh ,i /ay$ above five h\rs 9 ! *ur*4 ,i 0 p5etrat$ ) s lively a d>t ( pure love1 t ,i c\ld n resolve to abridge by indulg5ces1 ! pa9 due to my s9s4 ,o my ,love1 ,i cri$1 ,i am will+ to suff] = ,!e4 ,i f9d no o!r pleasure b 9 suff]+ = ,!e4 ,indulg5ces may be good = ^? :o "k n ! value ( suff]+s1 :o *oose n t ?y div9e ju/ice %\ld be satisfi$2 :o1 hav+ m]c5>y s\ls1 are n s mu* afraid ( displeas+ ,!e1 z ( ! pa9s annex$ to s94 ,yet1 fe>+ ,i might be mi/ak51 & commit a fault 9 n gett+ ! indulg5ces1 = ,i _h nev] he>d ( anyone be+ 9 su* a way be=e1 ,i return$ aga9 to try to get !m1 b 9 va94 ,n kn[+ :at to d1 ,i resign$ myself to our ,"l4 ,:5 ,i return$ home1 ,i wrote to ! good fa!r t he _h made :at ,i _h writt5 a "p ( 8 s]mon1 recit+ x v]batim z ,i _h writt5 x4 ,i n[ quitt$ all company1 bade f>ewell =ev] to all plays & div]sions1 danc+1 unpr(itable walks & p>ties ( pleasure4 ,= two ye>s ,i _h left (f dress+ my hair4 ,x became me1 & my husb& approv$ x4 ,my only pleasure n[ 0 to /eal "s mom5ts to be alone ) ,!e1 ,o ?\ :o art my only ,love6 ,all o!r pleasure 0 a pa9 to me4 ,i lo/ n ,?y pres5ce1 :i* 0 giv5 me by a cont9ual infusion1 n z ,i _h imag9$1 by ! ef=ts ( ! head1 or by =ce ( ?\ght 9 m$itat+ on ,god1 b 9 ! w1 :]e ,i ta/$ ) unutt]able sweetness ! enjoym5t ( ! belov$ object4 ,9 a happy exp]i5ce ,i knew t ! s\l 0 creat$ to enjoy its ,god4 ,! union ( ! w subjects ! s\l to ,god1 con=ms x to all ,8 pleasure1 causes self-w gradually to die4 ,la/ly 9 draw+ ) x ! o!r p[]s1 by means ( ! *>ity ) :i* x is fill$4 ,x causes !m gradually to be reunit$ 9 ! ,c5t]1 & lo/ !re z to _! own nature & op]ations4 ,?is loss is call$ ! annihilation ( ! p[]s4 ,al?\gh 9 !mselves !y /ill subsi/1 yet !y seem annihilat$ to u1 9 proportion z *>ity fills & inflames2 x becomes s /rong1 z by degrees to surm\nt all ! activities ( ! w ( man1 subject+ x to t ( ,god4 ,:5 ! s\l is docile1 & leaves itself to be purifi$1 & empti$ ( all t :i* x has ( its own1 opposite to ! w ( ,god1 x f9ds itself by little & little1 deta*$ f e emotion ( its own1 & plac$ 9 a holy indiff]5ce1 wi%+ no?+ b :at ,god does & wills4 ,?is nev] c be effect$ by ! activity ( our own w1 ev5 ?\gh x 7 employ$ 9 cont9ual acts or resignation4 ,^! ?\gh v virtu\s1 are s f> "o's own actions1 & cause ! w to subsi/ 9 a multiplicity1 9 a k9d ( sep>ate di/9ction or dissimilitude f ,god4 ,:5 ! w ( ! creature entirely submits to t ( ! ,creator1 suff]+ freely & volunt>ily & yield+ only a concurr5ce to ! div9e w 7:i* is its absolute submission7 suff]+ itself to be totally surm\nt$ & de/roy$1 by ! op]ations ( love2 ?is absorbs ! w into self1 consummates x 9 t ( ,god1 & purifies x f all n>r[ness1 dissimilitude1 & selfi%ness4 ,! case is ! same ) ! o!r two p[]s4 ,by means ( *>ity1 ! two o!r !ological virtues1 fai? & hope1 are introduc$4 ,fai? s /rongly seizes on ! und]/&+1 z to make x decl9e all reason+s1 all p>ticul> illum9ations & illu/rations1 h[ev] sublime4 ,?is suffici5tly demon/rates h[ f> visions1 revelations & ec/asies1 diff] f ?is1 & h9d] ! s\l f be+ lo/ 9 ,god4 ,al?\gh by !m x appe>s lo/ 9 ,him = "s transi5t mom5ts1 yet x is n a true loss1 s9ce ! s\l :i* is entirely lo/ 9 ,god no m f9ds itself aga94 ,fai? !n makes ! s\l lose e di/9ct light1 9 ord] to place x 9 its own pure light4 ,! memory1 too1 f9ds all its little activities surm\nt$ by degrees1 & absorb$ 9 hope4 ,f9ally ! p[]s are all conc5trat$ & lo/ 9 pure love4 ,x engulfs !m into itself by means ( _! sov]eign1 ! ,,w4 ,! w is ! sov]eign ( ! p[]s & *>ity is ! que5 ( ! virtues1 & unites !m all 9 h]self4 ,?is reunion ?us made1 is call$ ! c5tral union or unity4 ,by means ( ! w & love1 all are reunit$ 9 ! c5t] ( ! s\l 9 ,god :o is our ultimate end4 ,accord+ to ,/4 ,john1 ,he :o dwelle? 9 love1 dwelle? 9 ,god1 = ,god is love4 ,?is union ( my w to ,?9e1 ,o my ,god1 & ?is ineffable pres5ce 0 s sweet & p[]ful1 t ,i 0 compell$ to yield to its delightful p[]1 p[] :i* 0 /rict & sev]e to my m9ute/ faults4 ,,*apt] #aa ,my s5ses 7z ,i h describ$7 7 cont9ually mortifi$1 & "u p]petual re/ra9t4 ,to conqu] !m totally1 x is necess>y to d5y !m ! smalle/ relaxation1 until ! victory is complet$4 ,we see ^? :o cont5t !mselves practic+ great outw>d au/]ities1 yet by indulg+ _! s5ses 9 :at is call$ innoc5t & necess>y1 !y rema9 =ev] unsubdu$4 ,au/]ities1 h[ev] sev]e1 w n conqu] ! s5ses4 ,to de/roy _! p[]1 ! mo/ effectual means is1 9 g5]al1 to d5y !m firmly :at w please1 & to p]sev]e 9 ?is1 until !y are r$uc$ to be )\t desire or repugnance4 ,if we attempt1 dur+ ! w>f>e1 to grant !m any relaxation1 we act l ^?1 :o1 "u pretext ( /r5g!n+ a man1 :o 0 condemn$ to be />v$ to dea?1 %\ld give him f "t to "t a little n\ri%m5t4 ,x inde$ w\ld prolong 8 torm5ts1 & po/pone 8 dea?4 ,x is j ! same ) ! dea? ( ! s5ses1 ! p[]s1 ! und]/&+1 & self-w4 ,if we d n eradicate e rema9s ( self subsi/+ 9 ^!1 we support !m 9 a dy+ life to ! end4 ,?is /ate & its t]m9ation are cle>ly set =? by ,paul4 ,he speaks ( be>+ ab\t 9 ! body ! dy+ ( ! ,"l ,jesus4 7,,ii ,cor4 #d3aj474 ,b1 le/ we %\ld re/ "h1 he fully di/+ui%es ?is f ! /ate ( be+ dead & hav+ our life hid ) ,*ri/ 9 ,god4 ,x is only by a total dea? to self we c be lo/ 9 ,god4 ,he :o is ?us dead has no fur!r ne$ ( mortification4 ,! v end ( mortification is accompli%$ 9 him1 & all is become new4 ,x is an unhappy error 9 ^? good s\ls1 :o h arriv$ at a conque/ ( ! bodily s5ses1 ?r\gh ?is unremitt$ & cont9ual mortification1 t !y %\ld /ill cont9ue atta*$ to ! ex]cise ( x4 ,!y %\ld r drop _! att5tion !reto1 & rema9 9 indiff]5ce1 accept+ ) equality ! good z ! bad1 ! sweet z ! bitt]1 & b5d _! :ole att5tion to a labor ( great] importance2 namely1 ! mortification ( ! m9d & self-w4 ,!y %\ld beg9 by dropp+ all ! activity ( self1 :i* c nev] be done )\t ! mo/ pr(\nd pray]2 no m ?an ! dea? ( ! s5ses c be p]fect$ )\t pr(\nd recollection jo9$ to mortification4 ,inde$1 recollection is ! *ief means :]eby we atta9 to a conque/ ( ! s5ses4 ,x deta*es & sep>ates u f !m1 & sweetly saps ! v cause f :5ce !y d]ive _! influ5ce ov] u4 ,! m ,?\ did/ augm5t my love1 & my pati5ce1 ,o my ,"l1 ! less respite _h ,i f ! mo/ oppressive crosses2 b love r5d]$ !m easy to be>4 ,o ye poor s\ls1 :o exhau/ y\rselves ) ne$less vexation1 if y w\ld b seek ,god 9 y\r he>ts1 !re w\ld be a spe$y end to all y\r tr\bles4 ,! increase ( crosses w\ld proportionately increase y\r delight4 ,love1 at ! beg9n+1 a?ir/ = mortification impell$ me to seek & inv5t v>i\s k9ds4 ,x is surpris+1 t z soon z ! bitt]ness ( any new mode ( mortification 0 exhau/$1 ano!r k9d 0 po9t$ to me1 & ,i 0 inw>dly l$ to pursue x4 ,div9e love s enlight5$ my he>t1 & s scrut9iz$ into its secret spr+s1 t ! smalle/ defects became expos$4 ,if ,i 0 ab\t to speak1 some?+ wrong 0 in/antly po9t$ to me1 & ,i 0 compell$ to sil5ce4 ,if ,i kept sil5ce1 faults 7 pres5tly discov]$--9 e action !re 0 some?+ defective--9 my mortifications1 my p5ances1 my alms-giv+1 my retirem5t1 ,i 0 faulty4 ,:5 ,i walk$1 ,i obs]v$ !re 0 some?+ wrong2 if ,i spoke any way 9 my own favor1 ,i saw pride4 ,if ,i said )9 myself1 alas1 ,i w speak no m1 "h 0 self4 ,if ,i 0 *e]ful & op51 ,i 0 condemn$4 ,pure love always f\nd matt] = repro( 9 me1 & 0 jeal\s t no?+ %\ld escape unnotic$4 ,x 0 n t ,i 0 p>ticul>ly att5tive ov] myself1 = x 0 ev5 ) con/ra9t t ,i c\ld look at all at myself4 ,my att5tion t[>d ,god1 by an atta*m5t ( my w to ,81 0 )\t int]mission4 ,i wait$ cont9ually ^u ,him1 & ,he wat*$ incessantly ov] me1 & ,he s l$ me by ,8 provid5ce1 t ,i =got all ?+s4 ,i knew n h[ to communicate :at ,i felt to anyone4 ,i 0 s lo/ to myself1 t ,i c\ld sc>cely g ab\t self-exam9ation4 ,:5 ,i attempt$ x all ideas ( myself imm$iately disappe>$4 ,i f\nd myself occupi$ ) my ,,"o ,,object1 )\t di/9ction ( ideas4 ,i 0 absorb$ 9 peace inexpressible2 ,i saw by ! eye ( fai? t x 0 ,god t ?us :olly possess$ me2 b ,i did n reason at all ab\t x4 ,x mu/ n1 h[ev]1 be suppos$ t div9e love suff]$ my faults to g unpuni%$4 ,o ,"l6 ) :at rigor1 do/ ,?\ puni% ! mo/ fai?ful1 ! mo/ lov+ & belov$ ( ,?y *ildr54 ,i mean n ext]nally1 = ?is w\ld be inadequate to ! smalle/ fault1 9 a s\l t ,god is ab\t to purify radically4 ,! puni%m5ts x c inflict on itself1 are r gratifications & refre%m5ts ?an o!rwise4 ,inde$1 ! mann] 9 :i* ,he corrects ,8 *os51 mu/ be felt1 or x is impossible to conceive h[ dreadful x is4 ,9 my attempt to expla9 x1 ,i %all be un9telligible1 except to exp]i5c$ s\ls4 ,x is an int]nal burn+1 a secret fire s5t f ,god to purge away ! fault1 giv+ extreme pa91 until ?is purification is complete4 ,x is l a dislocat$ jo9t1 :i* is 9 incessant torm5t1 until ! bone is replac$4 ,?is pa9 is s sev]e1 t ! s\l w\ld d any?+ to satisfy ,god = ! fault1 & w\ld r be torn 9 pieces ?an endure ! torm5t4 ,sometimes ! s\l flies to o!rs1 & op5s h] /ate t %e may f9d consolation4 ,!reby %e fru/rates ,god's designs t[>d h]4 ,x is ( ! utmo/ consequ5ce to "k :at use to make ( ! di/ress4 ,! :ole ( "o's spiritual advancem5t dep5ds on x4 ,we %\ld at ^! seasons ( int]nal angui%1 obscurity & m\rn+1 co-op]ate ) ,god1 endure ?is consum+ torture 9 its utmo/ ext5t 7:ile x cont9ues7 )\t attempt+ to less5 or increase x4 ,be> x passively1 nor seek to satisfy ,god by any?+ we c d ( ourselves4 ,to cont9ue passive at su* a "t is extremely difficult1 & requires great firmness & c\rage4 ,i knew "s :o nev] advanc$ f>!r 9 ! spiritual process because !y grew impati5t1 & s\ght means ( consolation4 ,,*apt] #ab ,! treatm5t ( my husb& & "m-9-law1 h[ev] rigor\s & insult+1 ,i n[ bore sil5tly4 ,i made no replies & ?is 0 n s difficult = me1 because ! greatness ( my int]ior occupation1 & :at pass$ )91 r5d]$ me ins5sible to all ! re/4 ,!re 7 times :5 ,i 0 left to myself4 ,!n ,i c\ld n refra9 f te>s4 ,i did ! l[e/ (fices = !m to humble myself4 ,all ?is did n w9 _! favor4 ,:5 !y 7 9 a rage1 al?\gh ,i c\ld n f9d t ,i _h giv5 !m any occasion1 yet ,i did n fail to beg _! p>don1 ev5 f ! girl ( :om ,i h spok54 ,i _h a good deal ( pa9 to surm\nt myself1 z to ! la/4 ,%e became ! m insol5t = x2 reproa*+ me ) ?+s :i* ought to h made h] blu% & h cov]$ h] ) %ame4 ,z %e saw t ,i contradict$ & resi/$ h] no m 9 any?+1 %e proce$$ to treat me worse4 ,& :5 ,i ask$ h] p>don %e triumph$1 say+1 ,i knew v well ,i 0 9 ! "r4 ,h] arrogance rose to ! height t ,i w\ld n h treat$ ! meane/ slave4 ,"o day1 z %e 0 dress+ me1 %e pull$ me r\ghly1 & spoke to me insol5tly4 ,i said1 ,x is n my acc\nt t ,i am will+ to answ] y1 = y give me no pa91 b le/ y %\ld act ?us be=e p]sons to :om x w\ld give (f5ce4 ,moreov]1 z ,i am y\r mi/ress1 ,god is assur$ly (f5d$ ) y4 ,%e left me t mom5t1 & ran l a mad woman to meet my husb& tell+ him %e w\ld /ay no long]1 ,i treat$ h] s ill1 t ,i hat$ h] = ! c>e %e took ( him 9 8 cont9ual indispositions1 want+ h] n to d any s]vice = him4 ,my husb& 0 v ha/y1 s he took fire at ^! words4 ,i f9i%$ dress+ alone4 ,s9ce %e _h left me ,i d>$ n call ano!r girl2 %e w\ld n suff] ano!r girl to come ne> me4 ,i saw my husb& com+ l a lion1 he 0 nev] 9 su* a rage z ?is4 ,i ?\ght he 0 go+ to /rike me2 ,i await$ ! bl[ ) tranquillity2 he ?reat5$ ) 8 up-lift$ crut*2 ,i ?\ght he 0 go+ to knock me d[n4 ,hold+ myself closely unit$ to ,god1 ,i beheld x )\t pa94 ,he did n /rike me = he _h pres5ce ( m9d en\gh to see :at indignity x w\ld be4 ,9 8 rage he ?rew x at me4 ,x fell ne> me1 b x did n t\* me4 ,he !n dis*>g$ himself 9 language z if ,i _h be5 a /reet begg>1 or ! mo/ infam\s ( creatures4 ,i kept pr(\nd sil5ce1 be+ recollect$ 9 ! ,"l4 ,! girl 9 ! meantime came 94 ,at ! sight ( h] 8 rage r$\bl$4 ,i kept ne> to ,god1 z a victim dispos$ to suff] :atev] ,he w\ld p]mit4 ,my husb& ord]$ me to beg h] p>don1 :i* ,i readily did1 & !reby appeas$ him4 ,i w5t into my closet1 :]e ,i no soon] 01 ?an my div9e ,director impell$ me to make ?is girl a pres5t1 to recomp5se h] = ! cross :i* %e _h caus$ me4 ,%e 0 a little a/oni%$1 b h] he>t 0 too h>d to be ga9$4 ,i (t5 act$ ?us because %e frequ5tly gave me opportunities4 ,%e _h a s+ul> dext]ity 9 att5d+ ! sick4 ,my husb&1 ail+ almo/ cont9ually1 w\ld suff] no o!r p]son to adm9i/] to him4 ,he _h a v great reg>d = h]4 ,%e 0 artful2 9 8 pres5ce %e affect$ an extraord9>y respect = me4 ,:5 he 0 n pres5t1 if ,i said a ^w to h]1 ?\gh ) ! greate/ mildness & if %e he>d him com+1 %e cri$ out ) all h] might t %e 0 unhappy4 ,%e act$ l "o di/ress$ s t1 )\t in=m+ himself ( ! tru?1 he 0 irritat$ aga9/ me1 z 0 also my "m-9-law4 ,! viol5ce ,i did to my pr\d & ha/y nature 0 s great1 t ,i c\ld hold out no long]4 ,i 0 q sp5t ) x4 ,x seem$ sometimes z if ,i 0 inw>dly r5t1 & ,i h (t5 fall5 sick ) ! /ruggle4 ,%e did n =be> exclaim+ aga9/ me1 ev5 be=e p]sons ( di/9ction1 :o came to see me4 ,if ,i 0 sil5t1 %e took (f5ce at t yet m1 & said t ,i despis$ h]4 ,%e cri$ me d[n1 & made compla9ts to ev]ybody4 ,all ?is r$\nd$ to my honor & h] own disgrace4 ,my reputation 0 s well e/abli%$1 on acc\nt ( my ext]ior mode/y1 my devotion1 & ! great acts ( *>ity :i* ,i did1 t no?+ c\ld %ake x4 ,sometimes %e ran out into ! /reet1 cry+ out aga9/ me4 ,at "o "t %e exclaim$1 ,am n ,i v unhappy to h su* a mi/ress8 ,p ga!r$ ab\t h] to "k :at ,i _h done to h]2 & n kn[+ :at to say1 %e answ]$ t ,i _h n spok5 to h] all ! day4 ,!y return$1 laugh+1 & said1 ,%e has done y no great h>m !n4 ,i am surpris$ at ! bl9dness ( confessors1 & at _! p]mitt+ _! p5it5ts to conceal s mu* ( ! tru? f !m4 ,! confessor ( ?is girl made h] pass = a sa9t4 ,?is he said 9 my he>+4 ,i answ]$ no?+2 = love w\ld n p]mit me to speak ( my tr\bles4 ,i %\ld consecrate !m all to ,god by a pr(\nd sil5ce4 ,my husb& 0 out ( humor ) my devotion4 ,:at1 said he1 y love ,god s mu*1 t y love me no long]4 ,s little did he compreh5d t ! true conjugal love is t :i* ! ,"l ,himself =ms 9 ! he>t t loves ,him4 ,oh1 ,?\ :o art pure & holy1 ,?\ did/ impr9t 9 me f ! fir/ su* a love ( *a/ity1 t !re 0 no?+ 9 ! _w :i* ,i w\ld n h und]gone to possess & pres]ve x4 ,i endeavor$ to be agreeable to my husb& 9 any?+1 & to please him 9 ev]y?+ he c\ld require ( me4 ,god gave me su* a purity ( s\l at t "t1 t ,i _h n s mu* z a bad ?\ght4 ,sometimes my husb& said to me1 ,"o sees pla9ly t y nev] lose ! pres5ce ( ,god4 ,! _w1 see+ ,i quit x1 p]secut$ & turn$ me into ridicule4 ,i 0 its ent]ta9m5t1 & ! subject ( its fables4 ,x c\ld n be> t a woman1 sc>ce tw5ty ye>s ( age1 %\ld ?us make w> aga9/ x1 & ov]come4 ,my "m-9-law took "p ) ! _w1 & blam$ me = n do+ _m ?+s t 9 h] he>t %e w\ld h be5 highly (f5d$ _h ,i done !m4 ,i 0 z "o lo/1 & alone2 s little communion _h ,i ) ! creature1 f>!r ?an necessity requir$4 ,i seem$ to exp]i5ce lit]ally ^? words ( ,paul1 ,i live yet1 no m ,i1 b ,*ri/ live? 9 me4 ,8 op]ations 7 s p[]ful1 s sweet1 & s secret1 all toge!r1 t ,i c\ld n express !m4 ,we w5t into ! c\ntry on "s bus9ess4 ,oh6 :at unutt]able communications did ,i !re exp]i5ce 9 retirem5t6 ,i 0 insatiable = pray]4 ,i arose at f\r o'clock 9 ! morn+ to pray4 ,i w5t v f> to ! *ur*1 :i* 0 s situat$1 t ! coa* c\ld n come to x4 ,!re 0 a /eep hill to g d[n & ano!r to asc5d4 ,all t co/ me no?+2 ,i _h su* a long+ desire to meet ) my ,god1 z my only good1 :o on ,8 "p 0 graci\sly =w>d to give ,himself to ,8 poor creature1 & = x to d ev5 visible miracles4 ,su* z saw me lead a life s v diff]5t f ! wom5 ( ! _w said ,i 0 a fool4 ,!y attribut$ x to /upidity4 ,sometimes !y said1 ,:at c all ?is mean8 ,"s p ?9k ?is lady has p>ts1 b no?+ ( !m appe>s4 ,if ,i w5t into company1 (t5 ,i c\ld n speak2 s mu* 0 ,i engag$ )91 s inw>d ) ! ,"l1 z n to att5d to any?+ else4 ,if any ne> me spoke1 ,i he>d no?+4 ,i g5]ally took "o ) me1 t ?is might n appe>4 ,i took "s "w1 to hide "u t appe>ance ! real employ ( my he>t4 ,:5 ,i 0 alone1 ! "w dropp$ out ( my h&4 ,i want$ to p]suade a relation ( my husb&'s to practice pray]4 ,%e ?\ght me a fool1 = depriv+ myself ( all ! amusem5ts ( ! age4 ,b ! ,"l op5$ h] eyes1 to make h] despise !m4 ,i c\ld h wi%$ to tea* all ! _w to love ,god2 & ?\ght x dep5d$ only on !m to feel :at ,i felt4 ,! ,"l made use ( my ?9k+ to ga9 _m s\ls to ,himself4 ,! good fa!r ,i h spok5 (1 :o 0 ! in/rum5t ( my conv]sion1 made me acqua9t$ ) ,g5evieve ,grang]1 prioress ( ! ,b5$ict9es1 "o ( ! greate/ s]vants ( ,god ( h] "t4 ,%e prov$ ( v great s]vice to me4 ,my confessor1 :o _h told ev]yone t ,i 0 a sa9t be=e1 :5 s full ( mis]ies1 & s f> f ! condition to :i* ! ,"l 9 ,8 m]cy _h n[ br\ght me1 see+ ,i plac$ a confid5ce 9 ! fa!r ( :om ,i h spok51 & t ,i /e]$ 9 a road :i* 0 unkn[n to him1 decl>$ op5ly aga9/ me4 ,! monks ( 8 ord] p]secut$ me mu*4 ,!y ev5 prea*$ publicly aga9/ me1 z a p]son "u a delusion4 ,my husb& & "m-9-law1 :o till n[ _h be5 indiff]5t ab\t ?is confessor1 !n jo9$ him & ord]$ me to leave (f pray]1 & ! ex]cise ( piety2 t ,i c\ld n d4 ,!re 0 c>ri$ on a conv]sation )9 me1 v diff]5t f t :i* pass$ )\t4 ,i did :at ,i c\ld to h9d] x f appe>+1 b c\ld n4 ,! pres5ce ( s great a ,ma/] manife/$ itself1 ev5 on my c\nt5ance4 ,t pa9$ my husb&1 he sometimes told me4 ,i did :at ,i c\ld to h9d] x f be+ notic$1 b 0 n able completely to hide x4 ,i 0 s mu* inw>dly occupi$ t ,i knew n :at ,i ate4 ,i made z if ,i ate "s k9ds ( meat1 ?\gh ,i did n take any4 ,?is deep inw>d att5tion suff]$ me sc>cely to he> or see any?+4 ,i /ill cont9u$ to use _m sev]e mortifications & au/]ities4 ,!y did n 9 ! lea/ dim9i% ! fre%ness ( my c\nt5ance4 ,i _h (t5 griev\s fits ( sickness & no consolation 9 life1 except 9 ! practice ( pray]1 & 9 see+ ,"m ,grang]4 ,h[ de> did ^! co/ me1 especially ! =m]6 ,is ?is e/eem+ ! cross z ,i ought8--%\ld ,i n r say t pray] to me 0 recomp5s$ ) ! cross1 & ! cross ) pray]4 ,insep>able gifts unit$ 9 my he>t & life6 ,:5 y\r et]nal light arose 9 my s\l1 h[ p]fectly x reconcil$ me & made y ! object ( my love6 ,f ! mom5t ,i receiv$ ,!e ,i h nev] be5 free f ! cross1 nor x seems )\t pray]--?\gh = a long "t ,i ?\ght myself depriv$ !re(1 :i* exce$+ly augm5t$ my afflictions4 ,my confessor at fir/ ex]t$ 8 ef=ts to h9d] me f practic+ pray]1 & f see+ ,"m ,grang]4 ,he viol5tly /irr$ up my husb& & "m-9-law to h9d] me f pray+4 ,! me?od !y took 0 to wat* me f morn+ until night4 ,i d>$ n g out f my "m-9-law's room1 or f my husb&'s b$side4 ,sometimes ,i c>ri$ my "w to ! w9d[1 "u a pret5se ( see+ bett]1 9 ord] to relieve myself ) "s mom5t's repose4 ,!y came to wat* me v closely1 to see if ,i did n pray in/ead ( work+4 ,:5 my husb& & "m-9-law play$ c>ds1 if ,i did turn t[>d ! fire1 !y wat*$ to see if ,i cont9u$ my "w or %ut my eyes4 ,if !y obs]v$ ,i clos$ !m1 !y w\ld be 9 a fury aga9/ me = sev]al h\rs4 ,:at is mo/ /range1 :5 my husb& w5t out1 hav+ "s days ( heal?1 he w\ld n all[ me to pray 9 8 abs5ce4 ,he m>k$ my "w1 & sometimes1 aft] he 0 j gone out1 return+ imm$iately1 if he f\nd me 9 pray] he w\ld be 9 a rage4 ,9 va9 ,i said1 ,surely1 sir1 :at matt]s x :at ,i d :5 y are abs5t1 if ,i be assidu\s 9 att5d+ y :5 y are pres5t8 ,t w\ld n satisfy him2 he insi/$ t ,i %\ld no m pray 9 8 abs5ce ?an 9 8 pres5ce4 ,i believe !re is h>dly a torm5t equal to t ( be+ ard5tly drawn to retirem5t1 & n hav+ x 9 "o's p[] to be retir$4 ,o my ,god1 ! w> !y rais$ to h9d] me f lov+ ,!e did b augm5t my love4 ,:ile !y 7 /riv+ to prev5t my addresses to ,!e1 ?\ drewe/ me into an inexpressible sil5ce4 ,! m !y labor$ to sep>ate me f ,!e1 ! m closely did/ ,?\ unite me to ,?yself4 ,! flame ( ,?y love 0 k9dl$1 & kept up by ev]y?+ t 0 done to ext+ui% x4 ,(t5 ?r\gh compliance ,i play$ at piquet ) my husb&4 ,at su* times ,i 0 ev5 m int]iorly attract$ ?an if ,i _h be5 at *ur*4 ,i 0 sc>ce able to conta9 ! fire :i* burn$ 9 my s\l1 :i* _h all ! f]vor ( :at m5 call love1 b no?+ ( its impetuosity4 ,! m ard5t1 ! m peaceable x 04 ,?is fire ga9$ /r5g? f ev]y?+ t 0 done to suppress x4 ,& ! _s ( pray] 0 n\ri%$ & increas$ f _! contrivances & endeavors to disall[ me any "t = practic+ x4 ,i lov$ )\t consid]+ a motive or reason = lov+4 ,no?+ pass$ 9 my head1 b mu* 9 ! inn]mo/ recesses ( my s\l4 ,i ?\ght n ab\t any recomp5se1 gift1 or favor1 :i* ,he c\ld be/[ or ,i receive4 ,! ,well-belov$ 0 ,himself ! only object :i* attract$ my he>t4 ,i c\ld n contemplate ,8 attributes4 ,i knew no?+ else1 b to love & to suff]4 ,ignorance m truly le>n$ ?an any sci5ce ( ! doctors1 s9ce x taught me s well ,jesus ,*ri/ crucifi$ & br\ght me to be 9 love ) ,8 holy cross4 ,i c\ld !n h wi%$ to die1 9 ord] to be insep>ably unit$ to ,him :o s p[]fully attract$ my he>t4 ,z all ?is pass$ 9 ! w1 ! imag9ation & ! und]/&+ be+ absorb$ 9 x1 ,i knew n :at to say1 hav+ nev] read or he>d ( su* a /ate z ,i exp]i5c$4 ,i dread$ delusion & fe>$ t all 0 n "r1 = be=e ?is ,i _h kn[n no?+ ( ! op]ations ( ,god 9 s\ls4 ,i _h only read ,/4 ,francis de ,sales1 ,?omas a',kempis1 ,! ,spiritual ,combat1 & ! ,holy ,scriptures4 ,i 0 q a /rang] to ^? spiritual books :]e9 su* /ates are describ$4 ,!n all ^? amusem5ts & pleasures t are priz$ & e/eem$ appe>$ to me dull & insipid4 ,i wond]$ h[ x c\ld be t ,i _h ev] enjoy$ !m4 ,& inde$ s9ce t "t1 ,i c\ld nev] f9d any satisfaction or enjoym5t out ( ,god4 ,i h sometimes be5 unfai?ful en\gh to f9d x4 ,i 0 n a/oni%$ t m>tyrs gave _! lives = ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,i ?\ght !m happy1 & sigh$ aft] _! privilege ( suff]+ = ,him1 ,i s e/eem$ ! cross t my greate/ tr\ble 0 ! want ( suff]+ z mu* z my he>t ?ir/$ =4 ,?is respect & e/eem = ! cross cont9ually increas$4 ,aft]w>d ,i lo/ ! s5sible reli% & enjoym5t1 yet ! love & e/eem no m left me ?an ! cross itself4 ,inde$1 x has ev] be5 my fai?ful companion1 *ang+ & augm5t+1 9 proportion to ! *anges & dispositions ( my inw>d /ate4 ,o bless$ cross1 ?\ ha/ nev] quitt$ me1 s9ce ,i surr5d]$ myself to my div9e1 crucifi$ ,ma/]4 ,i /ill hope t ?\ wilt nev] ab&on me4 ,s eag] 0 ,i = ! cross1 t ,i endeavor$ to make myself feel ! utmo/ rigor ( e mortification4 ,?is only s]v$ to awak5 my desire = suff]+1 & to %[ me t x is ,god alone t c prep>e & s5d crosses suitable to a s\l t ?ir/s = a foll[+ ( ,8 suff]+s1 & a con=mity to ,8 dea?4 ,! m my /ate ( pray] augm5t$1 my desire ( suff]+ grew /rong]1 z ! full weight ( heavy crosses f e side came ?und]+ ^u me4 ,! peculi> prop]ty ( ?is pray] ( ! he>t is to give a /rong fai?4 ,m9e 0 )\t limits1 z 0 also my resignation to ,god1 & my confid5ce 9 ,him--my love ( ,8 w1 & ( ! ord] ( ,8 provid5ce ov] me4 ,i 0 v timor\s be=e1 b n[ fe>$ no?+4 ,x is 9 su* a case t "o feels ! efficacy ( ^! words1 ,my yoke is easy1 & my burd5 is light 7,matt4 #aa3cj74 ,,*apt] #ac ,i _h a secret desire giv5 me f t "t to be :olly devot$ to ! disposal ( my ,god1 let t be :at x w\ld4 ,i said1 ,:at c\ld/ ,?\ dem& ( me1 t ,i w\ld n will+ly (f] ,!e8 ,oh1 sp>e me n4 ,! cross & humiliations 7 repres5t$ to my m9d 9 ! mo/ frightful colors1 b ?is det]r$ me n4 ,i yield$ myself up z will+ & inde$ our ,"l seem$ to accept ( my sacrifice1 = ,8 div9e provid5ce furni%$ me incessantly ) occasions & opportunities = putt+ x to ! te/4 ,i _h difficulty to say vocal pray]s ,i _h be5 us$ to repeat4 ,z soon z ,i op5$ my lips to pron\nce !m1 ! love ( ,god seiz$ me /rongly4 ,i 0 swall[$ up 9 a pr(\nd sil5ce & an inexpressible peace4 ,i made fre% attempts b /ill 9 va94 ,i began aga9 & aga91 b c\ld n g on4 ,i _h nev] be=e he>d ( su* a /ate1 ,i knew n :at to d4 ,my inability increas$ because my love to ! ,"l 0 gr[+ m /rong1 m viol5t & m ov]p[]+4 ,!re 0 made 9 me1 )\t ! s\nd ( words1 a cont9ual pray]4 ,x seem$ to me to be ! pray] ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/ ,himself2 a pray] ( ! ,^w1 :i* is made by ! ,_s4 ,accord+ to ,/4 ,paul x aske? = u t :i* is good1 p]fect1 & con=mable to ! w ( ,god 7,rom4 #h3bf-bg74 ,my dome/ic crosses cont9u$4 ,i 0 prev5t$ f see+ or ev5 writ+ to ,mrs4 ,grang]4 ,my v go+ to div9e s]vice or ! sacram5t1 7 a s\rce ( woeful (f5ces4 ,! only amusem5t ,i _h left me1 0 ! visit+ & att5d+ ! sick poor1 & p]=m+ ! l[e/ (fices = !m4 ,my pray]-"t began to be exce$+ly di/ress+4 ,i compell$ myself to cont9ue at x1 ?\gh depriv$ ( all com=t & consolation4 ,:5 ,i 0 n employ$ !re91 ,i felt an ard5t desire & long+ = x4 ,i suff]$ inexpressible angui% 9 my m9d1 & endeavor$ ) ! sev]e/ inflictions ( corporeal au/]ities to mitigate & div]t x--b 9 va94 ,i f\nd no m t enliv5+ vigor :i* _h hi!rto c>ri$ me on ) great swiftness4 ,i seem$ to myself to be l ^? "y brides1 :o f9d a great deal ( difficulty to lay aside _! self-love1 & to foll[ _! husb&s to ! w>4 ,i relaps$ into a va9 complac5cy & fondness = myself4 ,my prop5sity to pride & vanity1 :i* seem$ q dead1 :ile ,i 0 s fill$ ) love ( ,god1 n[ %[$ itself aga91 & gave me sev]e ex]cise4 ,?is made me lam5t ! ext]ior beauty ( my p]son1 & pray to ,god incessantly1 t he w\ld remove f me t ob/acle1 & make me ugly4 ,i c\ld ev5 h wi%$ to be deaf1 bl9d & dumb1 t no?+ might div]t me f my love ( ,god4 ,i set out on a j\rney1 :i* we _h !n to make1 & ,i appe>$ m ?an ev] l ^? lamps :i* emit a glimm]+ fla%1 :5 !y are j on ! po9t ( ext+ui%+4 ,alas6 h[ _m sn>es 7 laid 9 my way6 ,i met !m at e /ep4 ,i ev5 committ$ infidelities ?r\gh unwat*fulness4 ,o my ,"l1 ) :at rigor did/ ,?\ puni% !m6 ,a useless glance 0 *eck$ z a s94 ,h[ _m te>s did ^? inadv]t5t faults co/ me1 ?r\gh a weak compliance1 & ev5 aga9/ my w6 ,?\ kn[e/ t ,?y rigor1 ex]cis$ aft] my slips1 0 n ! motive ( ^? te>s :i* ,i %$4 ,) :at pleasure w\ld ,i h suff]$ ! mo/ rigor\s sev]ity to h be5 cur$ ( my infidelity4 ,to :at sev]e *a/isem5t did ,i n condemn myself6 ,sometimes ,?\ did/ treat me l a fa!r :o pities ! *ild1 & c>esses x aft] its involunt>y faults4 ,h[ (t5 did/ ,?\ make me s5sible ( ,?y love t[>d me1 not)/&+ my blemi%es6 ,x 0 ! sweetness ( ?is love aft] my falls :i* caus$ my greate/ pa92 = ! m ! amiabl5ess ( ,?y love 0 ext5d$ to me1 ! m inconsolable ,i 0 = hav+ dep>t$ ev] s little f ,!e4 ,:5 ,i _h let "s inadv]t5ce escape me1 ,i f\nd ,!e ready to receive me4 ,i h (t5 cri$ out1 ,o my ,"l6 is x possible ?\ can/ be s graci\s to su* an (f5d]1 & s indulg5t to my faults2 s propiti\s to "o :o has w&]$ a/ray f ,!e1 by va9 complaisances1 & an unwor?y fondness = frivol\s objects8 ,yet no soon] d ,i return1 ?an ,i f9d ,!e wait+1 ) op5 arms ready to receive me4 ,o s9n]1 s9n]6 ha/ ?\ any reason to compla9 ( ,god8 ,if !re yet rema9s 9 !e any ju/ice1 confess ! tru?1 & admit t x is ow+ to ?yself if ?\ goe/ wrong2 t 9 dep>t+ f ,him ?\ disobeye/ ,8 call4 ,:5 ?\ returne/1 ,he is ready to receive !e2 & if ?\ returne/ n1 ,he makes use ( ! mo/ engag+ motives to w9 !e4 ,yet ?\ turne/ a deaf e> to ,8 voice2 ?\ wilt n he> ,him4 ,?\ saye/ ,he speaks n to !e1 ?\gh ,he calls l\dly4 ,x is !re=e only because ?\ daily rebelle/1 & art gr[+ daily m & m deaf to ! voice4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 ,p>is1 & ! cl]gy saw me s "y1 !y appe>$ a/oni%$4 ,^? to :om ,i op5$ my /ate told me1 t ,i c\ld nev] en\gh ?ank ,god = ! graces conf]r$ on me2 t if ,i knew !m ,i %\ld be amaz$ at !m2 & t if ,i 7 n fai?ful1 ,i %\ld be ! mo/ ungrateful ( all creatures4 ,"s decl>$ t !y nev] knew any woman :om ,god held s closely1 & 9 s great a purity ( consci5ce4 ,i believe :at r5d]$ x s 0 ! cont9ual c>e ,?\ had/ ov] me1 ,o my ,god1 mak+ me feel ,?y pres5ce1 ev5 z ,?\ ha/ promis$ x to u 9 ,?y ,gospel1--if a man love me1 my ,fa!r w love him1 & we w come unto him1 & make our abode ) him 7,john #ad3bc74 ,! cont9ual exp]i5ce ( ,?y pres5ce 9 me 0 :at pres]v$ me4 ,i became deeply assur$ ( :at ! prophet _h said1 ,except ! ,"l keep ! city1 ! wat*man wake? b 9 va9 7,ps4 #abg3a74 ,?\1 ,o my ,love1 w]t my fai?ful keep]1 :o did/ def5d my he>t aga9/ all sorts ( enemies1 prev5t+ ! lea/ faults1 or correct+ !m :5 vivacity _h occasion$ _! be+ committ$4 ,b alas6 :5 ,?\ did/ cease to wat* = me1 or left me to myself1 h[ weak 0 ,i1 & h[ easily did my enemies prevail ov] me6 ,let o!rs ascribe _! victory to _! own fidelity4 ,z = me1 ,i %all nev] attribute !m to any?+ else ?an ?y pat]nal c>e4 ,i h too (t5 exp]i5c$1 to my co/1 :at ,i %\ld be )\t ,!e1 to presume 9 ! lea/ on any c>es ( my own4 ,x is to ,!e1 & to ,!e only1 t ,i owe ev]y?+4 ,o my ,deliv]]2 & my be+ indebt$ to ,!e = x gives me inf9ite joy4 ,:ile 9 ,p>is1 ,i relax$ & did _m ?+s :i* ,i %\ld n4 ,i knew ! extreme fondness :i* "s _h = me1 & suff]$ !m to express x )\t *eck+ x z ,i ought4 ,i fell into o!r faults too1 z hav+ my neck a little too b>e1 ?\gh n ne> s mu* z o!rs _h4 ,i pla9ly saw ,i 0 too remiss2 & t 0 my torm5t4 ,i s\ght all ab\t = ,him :o _h secretly inflam$ my he>t4 ,b1 alas6 h>dly anybody knew ,him4 ,i cri$1 ,oh1 ,?\ be/ belov$ ( my s\l1 had/ ,?\ be5 ne> me ^! disa/]s _h n befall5 me4 ,:5 ,i say t ,i spoke ?us to ,him1 x is b to expla9 myself4 ,9 reality1 x all pass$ almo/ 9 sil5ce1 = ,i c\ld n speak4 ,my he>t _h a language :i* 0 c>ri$ on )\t ! s\nd ( words1 und]/ood ( ,him1 z ,he und]/&s ! language ( ! ,^w1 :i* speaks incessantly 9 ! inn]mo/ recesses ( ! s\l4 ,oh1 sacr$ language6 ,exp]i5ce only gives ! compreh5sion ( x6 ,let n any ?9k x a b>r5 language1 & effect ( ! m]e imag9ation4 ,f> diff]5t--x is ! sil5t expression ( ! ,^w 9 ! s\l4 ,z ,he nev] ceases to speak1 s ,he nev] ceases to op]ate4 ,if p once came to "k ! op]ations ( ! ,"l1 9 s\ls :olly resign$ to ,8 guid+1 x w\ld fill !m ) rev]5tial admiration & awe4 ,i saw t ! purity ( my /ate 0 l to be sulli$ by too great a comm]ce ) ! creatures1 s ,i made ha/e to f9i% :at deta9$ me 9 ,p>is1 9 ord] to return to ! c\ntry4 ,tis true1 ,o my ,"l1 ,i felt t ,?\ had/ giv5 me /r5g? en\gh to avoid ! occasions ( evil--b :5 ,i _h s f> yield$ z to get into !m1 ,i f\nd ,i c\ld n resi/ ! va9 complaisances1 & a numb] ( o!r foibles :i* !y ensn>$ me into4 ,! pa9 :i* ,i felt aft] my faults 0 inexpressible4 ,x 0 n an angui% t arose f any di/9ct idea or conception1 f any p>ticul> motive or affection--b a k9d ( dev\r+ fire :i* ceas$ n1 till ! fault 0 consum$ & ! s\l purifi$4 ,x 0 a bani%m5t ( my s\l f ! pres5ce ( its ,belov$4 ,i c\ld h no access to ,him1 nei!r c\ld ,i h any re/ out ( ,him4 ,i knew n :at to d4 ,i 0 l ! dove out ( ! ark1 :i* f9d+ no re/ = ! s\l ( h] foot1 0 con/ra9$ to return to ! ark2 b1 f9d+ ! w9d[ %ut1 c\ld only fly ab\t4 ,9 ! meantime1 ?r\gh an infidelity :i* w ev] r5d] me culpable1 ,i /rove to f9d "s satisfaction )\t1 b c\ld n4 ,?is s]v$ to conv9ce me ( my folly & ( ! vanity ( ^? pleasures :i* are call$ innoc5t4 ,:5 ,i 0 prevail$ on to ta/e !m1 ,i felt a /rong repulse :i*1 jo9$ ) my remorse = ! transgression1 *ang$ ! div]sion into torm5t4 ,oh1 my ,fa!r1 said ,i1 ?is is n ,!e2 & no?+ else1 beside ,!e1 c give solid pleasure4 ,"o day1 z mu* ?r\gh unfai?fulness z complaisance1 ,i w5t to take a walk at "s ( ! public p>ks1 r f excess ( vanity to %[ myself ?an to take ! pleasure ( ! place4 ,oh1 my ,"l6 h[ did/ ,?\ make me s5sible ( ?is fault8 ,b f> f puni%+ me 9 lett+ me p>take ( ! amusem5t1 ,?\ did/ x 9 hold+ me s close to ,?yself1 t ,i c\ld give no att5tion to any?+ b my fault & ,?y displeasure4 ,aft] ?is ,i 0 invit$ ) "s o!r ladies to an ent]ta9m5t at ,/4 ,cl\d4 ,?r\gh vanity & weak compliance1 ,i yield$ & w5t4 ,! affair 0 magnific5t2 !y1 ?\gh wise 9 ! eye ( ! _w1 c\ld reli% x4 ,i 0 fill$ ) bitt]ness4 ,i c\ld eat no?+1 ,i c\ld enjoy no?+4 ,oh1 :at te>s6 ,= beyond ?ree mon?s my ,belov$ )drew ,8 favor+ pres5ce1 & ,i c\ld see no?+ b an angry ,god4 ,i 0 on ?is occasion1 & 9 ano!r j\rney :i* ,i took ) my husb& into ,t\ra9e1 l ^? animals de/9$ = slaught]4 ,on c]ta9 days p adorn !m ) gre5s & fl[]s1 & br+ 9 pomp into ! city be=e !y kill !m4 ,?is weak beauty1 on ! eve ( decl9e1 %one =? ) new brightness1 9 ord] to become ! soon] ext9ct4 ,i 0 %ortly aft] afflict$ ) ! smallpox4 ,"o day z ,i walk$ to *ur*1 foll[$ by a footman ,i 0 met by a poor man4 ,i w5t to give him alms2 he ?ank$ me b refus$ !m & !n spoke to me 9 a wond]ful mann] ( ,god & ( div9e ?+s4 ,he display$ to me my :ole he>t1 my love to ,god1 my *>ity1 my too great fondness = my beauty & all my faults2 he told me x 0 n en\gh to avoid ,hell1 b t ! ,"l requir$ ( me ! utmo/ purity & height ( p]fection4 ,my he>t ass5t$ to 8 repro(s4 ,i he>d him ) sil5ce & respect1 8 words p5etrat$ my v s\l4 ,:5 ,i arriv$ at ! *ur* ,i fa9t$ away4 ,i h nev] se5 ! man s9ce4 ,,*apt] #ad ,my husb& enjoy+ "s int]mission ( 8 almo/ cont9ual ailm5ts1 _h a m9d to g to ,orleans1 & !n into ,t\ra9e4 ,9 ?is j\rney my vanity made its la/ blaze4 ,i receiv$ abundance ( visits & applauses4 ,b h[ cle>ly did ,i see ! folly ( m5 :o are s tak5 ) va9 beauty6 ,i dislik$ ! disposition1 yet n t :i* caus$ x1 ?\gh ,i sometimes ard5tly desir$ to be deliv]$ f x4 ,! cont9ual combat ( nature & grace co/ me no small affliction4 ,nature 0 pleas$ ) public applause2 grace made me dread x4 ,:at augm5t$ ! temptation 0 t !y e/eem$ 9 me virtue1 jo9$ ) y\? & beauty4 ,!y did n "k t all ! virtue is only 9 ,god1 & ,8 protection1 & all ! weakness 9 myself4 ,i w5t 9 se>* ( confessors1 to accuse myself ( my fail+1 & to bewail my backslid+s4 ,!y 7 utt]ly ins5sible ( my pa94 ,!y e/eem$ :at ,god condemn$4 ,!y treat$ z a virtue :at to me appe>$ dete/able 9 ,8 sight4 ,f> f measur+ my faults by ,8 graces1 !y only consid]$ :at ,i 01 9 comp>ison ( :at ,i might h be54 ,h5ce1 in/ead ( blam+ me1 !y only flatt]$ my pride4 ,!y ju/ifi$ me 9 :at incurr$ ,8 rebuke1 or only treat$ z a slight fault :at 9 me 0 highly displeas+ to ,him1 f :om ,i _h receiv$ su* signal m]cies4 ,! he9\sness ( s9s is n to be measur$ s+ly by _! nature1 b also by ! /ate ( ! p]son :o commits !m4 ,! lea/ unfai?fulness 9 a sp\se is m injuri\s to h] husb&1 ?an f> great] ones 9 8 dome/ics4 ,i told !m all ! tr\ble ,i _h be5 "u = n hav+ entirely cov]$ my neck4 ,x 0 cov]$ mu* m ?an 0 cov]$ by o!r wom5 ( my age4 ,!y assur$ me t ,i 0 v mode/ly dress$4 ,z my husb& lik$ my dress !re c\ld be no?+ amiss 9 x4 ,my inw>d ,director taught me q ! contr>y4 ,i _h n c\rage en\gh to foll[ ,him1 & to dress myself diff]5tly f o!rs1 at my age4 ,my vanity furni%$ me ) pret5ces seem+ly j = foll[+ fa%ions4 ,if pa/ors knew :at hurt !y d 9 humor+ female vanity1 !y w\ld be m sev]e aga9/ x6 ,_h ,i f\nd b "o p]son hone/ en\gh to deal pla9ly ) me1 ,i %\ld n h gone on4 ,b my vanity1 sid+ ) ! decl>$ op9ion ( all o!rs1 induc$ me to ?9k !m "r1 & my own scruples m]e fancy4 ,we met ) accid5ts 9 ?is j\rney1 suffici5t to h t]rifi$ anyone4 ,?\gh corrupt nature prevail$ s f> z ,i h j m5tion$1 yet my resignation to ,god 0 s /rong1 t ,i pass$ fe>less1 ev5 :]e !re 0 app>5tly no possibility ( escape4 ,at "o "t we got into a n>r[ pass1 & did n p]ceive1 until we 7 too f> advanc$ to draw back1 t ! road 0 und]m9$ by ! riv] ,loire1 :i* ran b5ea?1 & ! banks _h fall5 92 s t 9 "s places ! footm5 7 oblig$ to support "o side ( ! c>riage4 ,all ^? ar\nd me 7 t]rifi$ to ! highe/ degree1 yet ,god kept me p]fectly tranquil4 ,i secretly rejoic$ at ! prospect ( los+ my life by a s+ul> /roke ( ,8 provid5ce4 ,on my return1 ,i w5t to see ,mrs4 ,grang]1 to :om ,i relat$ h[ x _h be5 ) me :ile abroad4 ,%e /r5g!n$ & enc\rag$ me to pursue my fir/ design4 ,%e advis$ me to cov] my neck1 :i* ,i h done ev] s9ce not)/&+ ! s+ul>ity ( x4 ,! ,"l1 :o _h s long def]r$ ! *a/isem5t m]it$ by su* a s]ies ( infidelities1 n[ began to puni% me = ! abuse ( 8 grace4 ,sometimes ,i wi%$ to retire to a conv5t1 & ?\ght x lawful4 ,i f\nd :]e9 ,i 0 weak1 & t my faults 7 always ( ! same nature4 ,i wi%$ to hide myself 9 "s cave1 or to be conf9$ 9 a dre>y prison1 r ?an enjoy a lib]ty by :i* ,i suff]$ s mu*4 ,div9e love g5tly drew me inw>d1 & vanity dragg$ me outw>d4 ,my he>t 0 r5t asund] by ! conte/1 z ,i nei!r gave myself :olly up to ! "o nor ! o!r4 ,i bes\ght my ,god to deprive me ( p[] to displease ,him1 & cri$1 ,art ?\ n /rong en\gh :olly to eradicate ?is unju/ duplicity out ( my he>t8 ,= my vanity broke =? :5 occasions (f]$2 yet ,i quickly return$ to ,god4 ,he1 in/ead ( repuls+ or upbraid+ me1 (t5 receiv$ me ) op5 arms1 & gave me fre% te/imonials ( ,8 love4 ,!y fill$ me ) ! mo/ pa9ful reflections on my (f5se4 ,?\gh ?is wret*$ vanity 0 /ill s preval5t1 yet my love to ,god 0 su*1 t aft] my w&]+s1 ,i w\ld r h *os5 ,8 rod ?an ,8 c>esses4 ,8 int]e/s 7 m de> to me ?an my own1 & ,i wi%$ ,he w\ld h done ,himself ju/ice ^u me4 ,my he>t 0 full ( grief & ( love4 ,i 0 /ung to ! quick = (f5d+ ,him1 :o %[]$ ,8 grace s pr(usely ^u me4 ,t ^? :o "k n ,god %\ld (f5d ,him by s9 is n to be wond]$ at1 b t a he>t :i* lov$ ,him m ?an itself1 & s fully exp]i5c$ ,8 love1 %\ld be s$uc$ by prop5sities :i* x dete/s1 is a cruel m>tyrdom4 ,:5 ,i felt mo/ /rongly ,?y pres5ce1 & ,?y love1 ,o ,"l1 said ,i1 h[ wond]fully ,?\ be/[e/ ,?y favors on su* a wret*$ creature1 :o requites ,!e only ) +ratitude4 ,= if anyone reads ?is life ) att5tion1 he w see on ,god's "p1 no?+ b goodness1 m]cy1 & love2 on my "p1 no?+ b weakness1 s9 & infidelity4 ,i h no?+ to glory 9 b my infirmities & my unwor?9ess1 s9ce1 9 t ev]la/+ m>riage-union ?\ ha/ made ) me1 ,i br\ght ) me no?+ b weakness1 s9 & mis]y4 ,h[ ,i rejoice to owe all to ,!e1 & t ,?\ favore/ my he>t ) a sight ( ! treasures & b\ndless ri*es ( ,?y grace & love6 ,?\ ha/ dealt by me1 z if a magnific5t k+ %\ld m>ry a poor slave1 =get h] slav]y1 give h] all ! ornam5ts :i* may r5d] h] pleas+ 9 8 eyes1 & freely p>don h] all ! faults & ill qualities :i* h] ignorance & bad education _h giv5 h]4 ,?is ,?\ ha/ made my case4 ,my pov]ty is become my ri*es1 & 9 ! extremity ( my weakness ,i h f\nd my /r5g?4 ,oh1 if any knew1 ) :at confusion ! indulg5t favors ( ,god cov] ! s\l aft] its faults6 ,su* a s\l w\ld wi% ) all its p[] to satisfy ! div9e ju/ice4 ,i made v]ses & little songs to bewail myself4 ,i ex]cis$ au/]ities1 b !y did n satisfy my he>t4 ,!y 7 l ^? drops ( wat] :i* only s]ve to make ! fire hott]4 ,:5 ,i take a view ( ,god1 & myself1 ,i am oblig$ to cry out1 ,oh1 admirable conduct ( ,love t[>d an ungrateful wret*6 ,oh1 horrible +ratitude t[>d su* unp>allel$ goodness4 ,a great "p ( my life is only a mixture ( su* ?+s z might be en\gh to s9k me to ! grave betwe5 grief & love4 ,,*apt] #ae ,on my arrival at home1 ,i f\nd my husb& tak5 ) ! g\t1 & 8 o!r compla9ts4 ,my little daught] ill1 & l to die ( ! smallpox2 my elde/ son1 too1 took x2 & x 0 ( s malignant a type1 t x r5d]$ him z disfigur$1 z be=e he 0 beautiful4 ,z soon z ,i p]ceiv$ ! smallpox 0 9 ! h\se1 ,i _h no d\bt b ,i %\ld take x4 ,mrs4 ,grang] advis$ me to leave if ,i c\ld4 ,my fa!r (f]$ to take me home1 ) my second son1 :om ,i t5d]ly lov$4 ,my "m-9-law w\ld n suff] x4 ,%e p]suad$ my husb& x 0 useless1 & s5t = a physician1 :o second$ h] 9 x1 say+1 ,i %\ld z readily take x at a di/ance z "h1 if ,i 7 dispos$ to take x4 ,i may say1 %e prov$ at t "t a second ,jeph?a1 & t %e sacrific$ u bo?1 ?\gh innoc5tly4 ,_h %e kn[n :at foll[$1 ,i d\bt n b %e w\ld h act$ o!rwise4 ,all ! t[n /irr$ 9 ?is affair4 ,ev]yone begg$ h] to s5d me out ( ! h\se1 & cri$ out t x 0 cruel to expose me ?us4 ,!y set ^u me1 too1 imag9+ ,i 0 unwill+ to g4 ,i _h n told t %e 0 s av]se to x4 ,i _h at t "t no o!r disposition ?an to sacrifice myself to div9e ,provid5ce4 ,?\gh ,i might h remov$1 not)/&+ my "m-9-law's resi/ance1 yet ,i w\ld n )\t h] cons5t2 because x look$ to me z if h] resi/ance 0 an ord] ( ,heav54 ,i cont9u$ 9 ?is _s ( sacrifice to ,god1 wait+ f mom5t to mom5t 9 an entire resignation1 = :atev] ,he %\ld be pleas$ to orda94 ,i _c express :at nature suff]$4 ,i 0 l "o :o sees bo? c]ta9 dea? & an easy rem$y1 )\t be+ able to avoid ! =m]1 or try ! latt]4 ,i _h no less appreh5sion = my y\ng] son ?an = myself4 ,my "m-9-law s excessively dot$ on ! elde/1 t ! re/ ( u 7 indiff]5t to h]4 ,yet ,i am assur$1 if %e _h kn[n ! y\ng] w\ld h di$ ( ! smallpox1 %e w\ld n h act$ z %e did4 ,god makes use ( creatures1 & _! natural incl9ations to accompli% ,8 designs4 ,:5 ,i see 9 ! creatures a conduct :i* appe>s unreasonable & mortify+1 ,i m\nt high]1 & look ^u !m z in/rum5ts bo? ( ! m]cy & ju/ice ( ,god4 ,8 ju/ice is full ( m]cy4 ,i told my husb& t my /oma* 0 sick1 & t ,i 0 tak+ ! smallpox4 ,he said x 0 only imag9ation4 ,i let ,mrs4 ,grang] "k ! situation ,i 0 94 ,z %e _h a t5d] he>t1 %e 0 affect$ by ! treatm5t ,i met )1 & enc\rag$ me to (f] myself up to ! ,"l4 ,at l5g?1 nature f9d+ !re 0 no res\rce1 cons5t$ to ! sacrifice :i* my _s _h already made4 ,! disord] ga9$ gr\nd apace4 ,i 0 seiz$ ) a great %iv]+1 & pa9 bo? 9 my head & /oma*4 ,!y w\ld n yet believe t ,i 0 sick4 ,9 a few h\rs x w5t s f>1 t !y ?\ght my life 9 dang]4 ,i 0 also tak5 ) an inflammation on my lungs1 & ! rem$ies = ! "o disord] 7 contr>y to ! o!r4 ,my "m-9-law's favorite physician 0 n 9 t[n1 nor ! resid5t surgeon4 ,ano!r surgeon said t ,i mu/ be bl$2 b my "m-9-law w\ld n suff] x at t "t4 ,i 0 on ! po9t ( dea? = ! want ( prop] assi/ance4 ,my husb&1 n be+ able to see me1 left me entirely to 8 "m4 ,%e w\ld n all[ any physician b h] own to prescribe = me1 & yet did n s5d = him1 ?\gh he 0 )9 a day's j\rney4 ,9 ?is extremity ,i op5$ n my m\?4 ,i look$ = life or dea? f ! h& ( ,god1 )\t te/ify+ ! lea/ uneas9ess4 ,! peace ,i enjoy$ )91 on acc\nt ( t p]fect resignation1 9 :i* ,god kept me by ,8 grace1 0 s great1 t x made me =get myself1 9 ! mid/ ( oppressive disord]s4 ,! ,"l's protection 0 inde$ wond]ful4 ,h[ (t h ,i be5 r$uc$ to extremity1 yet ,he nev] fail$ to succor1 :5 ?+s appe>$ mo/ desp]ate4 ,x pleas$ ,him s to ord] x1 t ! skillful surgeon1 :o _h att5d$ me be=e1 pass+ by our h\se1 inquir$ aft] me4 ,!y told him ,i 0 extremely ill4 ,he alight$ imm$iately1 & came 9 to see me4 ,nev] 0 a man m surpris$1 :5 he saw ! condition ,i 0 94 ,! smallpox1 :i* c\ld n come out1 _h fall5 on my nose ) su* =ce1 t x 0 q black4 ,he ?\ght !re _h be5 gangr5e & t x 0 go+ to fall (f4 ,my eyes 7 l two coals2 b ,i 0 n al>m$4 ,at t "t ,i c\ld h made a sacrifice ( all ?+s1 & 0 pleas$ t ,god %\ld av5ge ,himself on t face1 :i* _h betray$ me into s _m infidelities4 ,he also 0 s affright$ t he w5t into my "m-9-law's room & told h]1 t x 0 mo/ %ameful to let me die 9 t mann]1 = want ( ble$+4 ,%e /ill oppos$ x viol5tly s t 9 %ort %e told him flatly t %e w\ld n suff] x1 until ! physician return$4 ,he flew into su* a rage at see+ me ?us left )\t s5d+ = ! physician t he reprov$ my "m-9-law 9 ! sev]e/ mann]4 ,b x 0 all 9 va94 ,he came up aga9 pres5tly & said1 ,if y *oose1 ,i w ble$ y1 & save y\r life4 ,i held out my arm to him2 & ?\gh x 0 extremely swell$1 he bl$ me 9 an in/ant4 ,my "m-9-law 0 9 a viol5t passion4 ,! smallpox came out imm$iately4 ,he ord]$ t !y %\ld h me bl$ aga9 9 ! ev5+1 b %e w\ld n suff] x4 ,fe> ( displeas+ my "m-9-law1 & a total resignation ( myself into ! h&s ( ,god1 ,i did n reta9 him4 ,i am m p>ticul> to %[ h[ advantage\s x is to resign "o's self to ,god )\t res]ve4 ,?\gh 9 appe>ance ,he leaves u = a "t to prove & ex]cise our fai?1 yet ,he nev] fails u1 :5 our ne$ ( ,him is ! m press+4 ,"o may say ) ! ,scripture1 ,x is ,god :o br+e? d[n to ! gates ( dea?1 & raise? up aga94 ,! blackness & swell+ ( my nose w5t away & ,i believe1 _h !y cont9u$ to ble$ me1 ,i _h be5 pretty easy4 ,= want ( t ,i grew worse aga94 ,! malady fell into my eyes1 & inflam$ !m ) su* sev]e pa91 t ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld lose !m bo?4 ,i _h viol5t pa9s = ?ree weeks dur+ :i* "t ,i got little sleep4 ,i c\ld n %ut my eyes1 !y 7 s full ( ! smallpox1 nor op5 !m by reason ( ! pa94 ,my ?roat1 palate1 & gums 7 likewise s fill$ ) ! pock1 t ,i c\ld n swall[ bro?1 or take n\ri%m5t )\t suff]+ extremely4 ,my :ole body look$ lepr\s4 ,all t saw me said t !y _h nev] se5 su* a %ock+ spectacle4 ,b z to my s\l1 x 0 kept 9 a cont5tm5t n to be express$4 ,! hopes ( its lib]ty1 by ! loss ( t beauty1 :i* _h s frequ5tly br\ght me "u bondage1 r5d]$ me s satisfi$1 & s unit$ to ,god1 t ,i w\ld n h *ang$ my condition = t ( ! mo/ happy pr9ce 9 ! _w4 ,ev]yone ?\ght ,i w\ld be inconsolable4 ,sev]al express$ _! sympa?y 9 my sad condition1 z !y judg$ x4 ,i lay /ill 9 ! secret fruition ( a joy unspeakable1 9 ?is total deprivation ( :at _h be5 a sn>e to my pride1 & to ! passions ( m54 ,i prais$ ,god 9 pr(\nd sil5ce4 ,none ev] he>d any compla9ts f me1 ei!r ( my pa9s or ! loss ,i su/a9$4 ,! only ?+ t ,i said 01 t ,i rejoic$ at1 & 0 exce$+ly ?ankful = ! int]ior lib]ty ,i ga9$ !reby2 & !y con/ru$ ?is z a great crime4 ,my confessor1 :o _h be5 dissatisfi$ ) me be=e1 came to see me4 ,he ask$ me if ,i 0 n sorry = hav+ ! smallpox2 & he n[ tax$ me ) pride = my answ]4 ,my y\nge/ little boy took ! di/emp] ! same day ) myself1 & di$ = want ( c>e4 ,?is bl[ inde$ /ruck me to ! he>t1 b yet1 draw+ /r5g? f my weakness1 ,i (f]$ him up1 & said to ,god z ,job did1 ,?\ gave/ him to me1 & ?\ take/ him f me2 bless$ be ?y holy "n4 ,! _s ( sacrifice possess$ me s /rongly1 t1 ?\gh ,i lov$ ?is *ild t5d]ly1 ,i nev] %$ a te> at he>+ ( 8 dea?4 ,! day he 0 buri$1 ! doctor s5t to tell me he _h n plac$ a tomb/one ^u 8 grave1 because my little girl c\ld n survive him two days4 ,my elde/ son 0 n yet out ( dang]1 s t ,i saw myself /ripp$ ( all my *ildr5 at once1 my husb& indispos$1 & myself extremely s4 ,! ,"l did n take my little girl !n4 ,he prolong$ h] life "s ye>s4 ,at la/ my "m-9-law's physician arriv$1 at a "t :]e9 he c\ld be ( b little s]vice to me4 ,:5 he saw ! /range inflammation 9 my eyes1 he bl$ me sev]al times2 b x 0 too late4 ,& ^? ble$+s :i* w\ld h be5 s prop] at fir/1 did no?+ b weak5 me n[4 ,!y c\ld n ev5 ble$ me 9 ! condition ,i 0 9 b ) ! greate/ difficulty4 ,my arms 7 s swell$ t ! surgeon 0 oblig$ to pu% 9 ! lance to a great dep?4 ,moreov]1 ! ble$+ be+ out ( season _h lik$ to h caus$ my dea?4 ,?is1 ,i confess1 w\ld h be5 v agreeable to me4 ,i look$ ^u dea? z ! greate/ bless+ = me4 ,yet ,i saw well ,i _h no?+ to hope 9 t side2 & t1 in/ead ( meet+ ) s desirable an ev5t1 ,i mu/ prep>e myself to support ! trials ( life4 ,aft] my elde/ son 0 bett]1 he got up & came into my room4 ,i 0 surpris$ at ! extraord9>y *ange ,i saw 9 him4 ,8 face1 lately s fair & beautiful1 0 become l a co>se spot ( e>?1 all full ( furr[s4 ,t gave me ! curiosity to view myself4 ,i felt %ock$1 = ,i saw t ,god _h ord]$ ! sacrifice 9 all its reality4 ,"s ?+s fell out by ! contr>iety ( my "m-9-law t caus$ me sev]e crosses4 ,!y put ! f9i%+ /roke to my son's face4 ,h[ev]1 my he>t 0 firm 9 ,god1 & /r5g!n$ itself by ! numb] & greatness ( my suff]+s4 ,i 0 z a victim incessantly (f]$ ^u ! alt>1 to ,,him :o fir/ sacrific$ ,himself = love4 ,:at %all ,i r5d] to ! ,"l1 = all 8 b5efits t[>d me8 ,i w take ! cup ( salvation1 & call ^u ! "n ( ! ,"l4 ,^! words1 ,i c truly say1 ,o my ,god1 h be5 ! delight ( my he>t1 & h _h _! effect on me1 ?r\gh my :ole life2 = ,i h be5 cont9ually heap$ ) ?y bless+s & ?y cross4 ,my pr9cipal attraction1 besides t ( suff]+ = ,!e1 has be5 to yield myself up )\t resi/ance1 int]iorly & ext]iorly1 to all ,?y div9e disposals4 ,^! gifts :i* ,i 0 favor$ ) f ! beg9n+1 h cont9u$ & increas$ until n[ ,?\ ha/ ,?yself guid$ my cont9ual crosses1 & l$ me ?r\gh pa?s imp5etrable to all b !e4 ,!y s5t me pomatums to recov] my complexion1 & to fill up ! holl[s ( ! smallpox4 ,i _h se5 wond]ful effects f x ^u o!rs1 & !re=e at fir/ _h a m9d to try !m4 ,b1 jeal\s ( ,god's "w1 ,i w\ld n suff] x4 ,!re 0 a voice 9 my he>t :i* said1 ,if ,i w\ld h _h !e fair1 ,i w\ld h left !e z ?\ w]t4 ,i 0 !re=e oblig$ to lay aside e rem$y1 & to g into ! air1 :i* made ! pitt+ worse2 to expose myself 9 ! /reet :5 ! r$ness ( ! smallpox 0 at ! wor/1 9 ord] to make my humiliation triumph1 :]e ,i _h exalt$ my pride4 ,my husb& kept to 8 b$ almo/ all t "t1 & made good use ( 8 indisposition4 ,only z he n[ lo/ t1 :i* be=e gave him s mu* pleasure 9 view+ me1 he grew mu* m susceptible to impressions :i* any gave him aga9/ me4 ,9 consequ5ce ( ?is1 ! p]sons :o spoke to him to my disadvantage1 f9d+ !mselves n[ bett] he>k5$ to1 spoke m boldly & m frequ5tly4 ,!re 0 only ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 :o *ang$ n = me4 ,?\ did/ r$\ble my int]ior graces1 9 proportion z ,?\ did/ augm5t my ext]ior crosses4 ,,*apt] #af ,my maid became e day m haughty4 ,see+ t h] scold+s & outcries did n n[ torm5t me1 %e ?\ght1 if %e c\ld h9d] me f go+ to ! communion1 %e w\ld give me ! greate/ ( all vexations4 ,%e 0 n mi/ak51 ,o div9e ,sp\se ( pure s\ls1 s9ce ! only satisfaction ( my life 0 to receive & to honor ,!e4 ,i gave ev]y?+1 ( ! f9e/ ,i _h1 to furni% ! *ur*es ) ornam5ts1 & contribut$ to ! utmo/ ext5t ( my abilities1 to make !m h silv] plates & *alices4 ,oh1 my ,love1 ,i cri$1 let me be ?y victim6 ,sp>e no?+ to annihilate me4 ,i felt an inexpressible long+ to be m r$uc$1 & to become1 z x 71 no?+4 ,?is girl !n knew my affection = ! holy sacram5t1 :]e1 :5 ,i c\ld h lib]ty = x1 ,i pass$ sev]al h\rs on my knees4 ,%e took x 9 h] head to wat* me daily4 ,:5 %e discov]$ me go+1 %e ran to tell my "m-9-law & my husb&4 ,!re ne$$ no m to *agr9 !m4 ,_! invectives la/$ ! :ole day4 ,if a ^w escap$ me 9 my own ju/ification1 x 0 en\gh to make !m say t ,i 0 guilty ( sacrilege1 & to raise an outcry aga9/ all devotion4 ,if ,i made !m no answ] at all1 !y /ill height5$ _! indignation1 & said ! mo/ grat+ ?+s !y c\ld devise4 ,if ,i fell sick1 :i* (t5 happ5$1 !y took occasion to come to qu>rel ) me at my b$1 say+1 my communion & pray]s 7 :at made me sick4 ,!y spoke z if !re _h be5 no?+ else c\ld make me ill1 b my devotion to ,!e1 ,o my ,belov$6 ,%e told me "o day t %e 0 go+ to write to my director to get him to /op me f go+ to ! communion4 ,:5 ,i made no answ]1 %e cri$ out z l\d z %e c\ld1 t ,i treat$ h] ill & despis$ h]4 ,:5 ,i w5t to pray]s1 7?\gh ,i _h tak5 c>e to arrange ev]y?+ ab\t ! h\se7 %e ran to tell my husb& t ,i 0 go+ & _h left no?+ 9 ord]4 ,:5 ,i return$ home 8 rage fell on me 9 all its viol5ce4 ,!y w\ld he> none ( my reasons1 b said1 !y 7 all a pack ( lies4 ,my "m-9-law p]suad$ my husb& t ,i let ev]y?+ g to wreck4 ,if %e did n take ! c>e ( ?+s he w\ld be ru9$4 ,he believ$ x1 & ,i bore all ) pati5ce1 endeavor+1 z well z ,i c\ld1 to d my duty4 ,:at gave mo/ tr\ble 0 ! n kn[+ :at c\rse to take2 = :5 ,i ord]$ any?+ )\t h]1 %e compla9$ t ,i %[$ h] no respect1 t ,i did ?+s ( my own head & t !y 7 done always ! worse = x4 ,!n %e w\ld ord] !m contr>y4 ,if ,i consult$ h] to "k :at1 or h[ %e w\ld h any?+ to be done1 %e said t ,i compell$ h] to h ! c>e & tr\ble ( ev]y?+4 ,i _h sc>cely any re/ b :at ,i f\nd 9 ! love ( ,?y w1 ,o my ,god1 & submission to ,?y ord]s1 h[ev] rigor\s !y might be4 ,!y incessantly wat*$ my words & actions1 to f9d occasion aga9/ me4 ,!y *id$ me all ! day long1 cont9ually repeat+1 & h>p+ ov] & ov] ! same ?+s1 ev5 be=e ! s]vants4 ,h[ (t5 h ,i made my meals on my te>s1 :i* 7 int]pret$ z ! mo/ crim9al 9 ! _w6 ,!y said1 ,i w\ld be damn$2 z if ! te>s w\ld op5 ,hell = me1 :i* surely !y 7 m likely to ext+ui%4 ,if ,i recit$ any?+ ,i _h he>d1 !y w\ld r5d] me acc\ntable = ! tru? ( x4 ,if ,i kept sil5ce1 !y tax$ me ) contempt & p]v]s5ess2 if ,i knew any?+ )\t tell+ x1 t 0 a crime2 if ,i told x1 !n !y said ,i _h =g$ x4 ,sometimes !y torm5t$ me = sev]al days successively1 )\t giv+ me any relaxation4 ,! girls said1 ,i ought to feign sickness1 to get a little re/4 ,i made no reply4 ,! love ( ,god s closely possess$ me1 t x w\ld n all[ me to seek relief by a s+le ^w1 or ev5 by a look4 ,sometimes ,i said 9 myself1 ,oh1 t ,i _h b any "o :o c\ld take notice ( me1 or to :om ,i might unburd5 myself1--:at a relief x w\ld be to me6 ,b x 0 n grant$ me4 ,yet1 if ,i happ5$ to be = "s days fre$ f ! ext]ior cross1 x 0 a mo/ s5sible di/ress to me1 & inde$ a puni%m5t m difficult to be> ?an ! sev]e/ trials4 ,i !n compreh5d$ :at ,/4 ,t]esa says1 ,let me suff] or die4 ,= ?is abs5ce ( ! cross 0 s griev\s to me1 t ,i langui%$ ) desire = its return4 ,b no soon] 0 ?is e>ne/ long+ grant$1 & ! bless$ cross return$ aga91 ?an /range z x may seem1 x appe>$ s weighty & burd5some1 z to be almo/ insupportable4 ,?\gh ,i lov$ my fa!r extremely1 & he lov$ me t5d]ly1 yet ,i nev] spoke to him ( my suff]+s4 ,"o ( my relations1 :o lov$ me v mu*1 p]ceiv$ ! little mod]ation !y us$ t[>d me4 ,!y spoke v r\ghly to me be=e him4 ,he 0 highly displeas$1 & told my fa!r ( x1 add+1 t ,i w\ld pass = a fool4 ,soon aft] ,i w5t to see my fa!r1 :o1 contr>y to 8 cu/om1 %>ply reprim&$ me1 = suff]+ !m to treat me 9 su* a mann]1 )\t say+ any?+ 9 my own def5ce4 ,i answ]$1 ,if !y knew :at my husb& said to me1 t 0 confusion en\gh = me1 )\t my br++ any m ( x on myself by replies2 t if !y did n notice x1 ,i ought n to cause x to be obs]v$1 nor expose my husb&'s weakness2 t rema9+ sil5t /opp$ all disputes1 :]eas ,i might cause !m to be cont9u$ & increas$ by my replies4 ,my fa!r answ]$ t ,i did well1 & t ,i %\ld cont9ue to act z ,god %\ld inspire me4 ,& aft] t1 he nev] spoke to me ( x any m4 ,!y 7 ev] talk+ to me aga9/ my fa!r1 aga9/ my relations1 & all su* z ,i e/eem$ mo/4 ,i felt ?is m ke5ly ?an all !y c\ld say aga9/ myself4 ,i c\ld n =be> def5d+ !m1 & !re9 ,i did wrong2 z :atev] ,i said s]v$ only to provoke !m4 ,if any compla9$ ( my fa!r or relations1 !y 7 always 9 ! "r4 ,if any1 :om !y _h dislik$ be=e1 spoke aga9/ !m1 !y 7 pres5tly approv$ (4 ,if any %[$ fri5d%ip to me1 su* 7 n welcome4 ,a relation :om ,i greatly lov$ = h] piety1 com+ to see me1 !y op5ly bid h] begone4 ,!y treat$ h] 9 su* a mann] z oblig$ h] to g1 :i* gave me no small uneas9ess4 ,:5 any p]son ( di/9ction came1 !y w\ld speak aga9/ me2 ev5 to ^? :o knew me n1 :i* surpris$ !m4 ,b :5 !y saw me !y piti$ me4 ,x matt]$ n :at !y said aga9/ me1 love w\ld n all[ me to ju/ify myself4 ,i spoke n to my husb& ( :at ei!r my "m-9-law or ! girl did to me1 except ! fir/ ye>1 :5 ,i 0 n suffici5tly t\*$ ) ! p[] ( ,god to suff]4 ,my "m-9-law & my husb& (t5 qu>rell$4 ,!n ,i 0 9 favor1 & to me !y made _! mutual compla9ts4 ,i nev] told ! "o :at ! o!r _h said4 ,& ?\gh x might h be5 ( s]vice to me1 humanly speak+1 to take advantage ( su* opportunities1 ,i nev] made use ( !m to compla9 ( ei!r4 ,nay1 on ! contr>y1 ,i did n re/ till ,i _h reconcil$ !m4 ,i spoke _m oblig+ ?+s ( ! "o to ! o!r1 :i* made !m fri5ds aga94 ,i knew by frequ5t exp]i5ce t ,i %\ld pay de> = _! reunion4 ,sc>cely 7 !y reconcil$ :5 !y jo9$ toge!r aga9/ me4 ,i 0 s deeply engag$ )91 z (t5 to =get ?+s )\t1 yet n any?+ :i* 0 ( consequ5ce4 ,my husb& 0 ha/y1 & inatt5tion frequ5tly irritat$ him4 ,i walk$ into ! g>d51 )\t obs]v+ any?+4 ,:5 my husb&1 :o c\ld n g ?i!r1 ask$ me ab\t x1 ,i knew n :at to say1 at :i* he 0 angry4 ,i w5t ?i!r on purpose to notice ev]y?+1 9 ord] to tell him & yet :5 !re did n ?9k ( look+4 ,i w5t t5 times "o day1 to see & br+ him an acc\nt & yet =got x4 ,b :5 ,i did rememb] to look1 ,i 0 mu* pleas$4 ,yet x happ5$ ,i 0 !n ask$ no?+ ab\t !m4 ,all my crosses to me w\ld h seem$ little1 if ,i might h _h lib]ty to pray & to be alone1 to indulge ! int]ior attraction :i* ,i felt4 ,b ,i 0 oblig$ to cont9ue 9 _! pres5ce1 ) su* a subjection z is sc>cely conceivable4 ,my husb& look$ at 8 wat*1 if at any "t ,i _h lib]ty all[$ me = pray]1 to see if ,i /ay$ m ?an half an h\r4 ,if ,i exce$$1 he grew v uneasy4 ,sometimes ,i said1 ,grant me "o h\r to div]t & employ myself z ,i h a m9d4 ,?\gh he w\ld h grant$ x to me = o!r div]sions1 yet = pray] he w\ld n4 ,i confess t inexp]i5ce caus$ me mu* tr\ble4 ,i h (t5 !reby giv5 occasion = :at !y made me suff]4 ,= ought ,i n to h look$ on my captivity z an effect ( ! w ( my ,god1 to cont5t myself & to make x my only desire & pray]8 ,b ,i (t5 fell back aga9 into ! anxiety ( wi%+ to get "t = pray]1 :i* 0 n agreeable to my husb&4 ,^? faults 7 m frequ5t 9 ! beg9n+4 ,aft]w>d ,i pray$ to ,god 9 ,8 own retreat1 9 ! temple ( my he>t1 & ,i w5t out no m4 ,,*apt] #ag ,we w5t into ! c\ntry1 :]e ,i committ$ _m faults4 ,i ?\ght ,i might d x !n because my husb& div]t$ himself ) build+4 ,if ,i /ay$ f him he 0 dissatisfi$4 ,t sometimes happ5$ z he 0 cont9ually talk+ ) ! workm54 ,i set myself 9 a corn]1 & !re _h my "w ) me1 b c\ld sc>cely d any?+ by reason ( ! =ce ( ! attraction :i* made ! "w fall out ( my h&s4 ,i pass$ :ole h\rs ?is way1 )\t be+ able ei!r to op5 my eyes or "k :at pass$2 b ,i _h no?+ to wi% =1 nor yet to be afraid (4 ,ev]y:]e ,i f\nd my prop] c5t]1 because ev]y:]e ,i f\nd ,god4 ,my he>t c\ld !n desire no?+ b :at x _h4 ,?is disposition ext+ui%$ all its desires2 & ,i sometimes said to myself1 ,:at wante/ ?\8 ,:at fe>e/ ?\8 ,i 0 surpris$ to f9d ^u trial t ,i _h no?+ to fe>4 ,e place ,i 0 9 0 my prop] place4 ,z ,i _h g5]ally no "t all[$ me = pray] b ) difficulty1 & w\ld n be suff]$ to rise till sev5 o'clock1 ,i /ole up at f\r1 & kneel+ 9 my b$1 ,i wi%$ n to (f5d my husb& & /rove to be punctual & assidu\s 9 ev]y?+4 ,b ?is soon affect$ my heal? & injur$ my eyes1 :i* 7 /ill weak4 ,x 0 b eight mon?s s9ce ,i _h ! smallpox4 ,?is loss ( re/ br\ght a heavy trial ^u me4 ,ev5 my sleep+ h\rs 7 mu* brok51 by ! fe> ( n wak+ 9 "t1 ,i ins5sibly dropp$ asleep at my pray]s4 ,9 ! half h\r t ,i got aft] d9n]1 ?\gh ,i felt q wakeful1 ! dr[s9ess ov]p[]$ me4 ,i endeavor$ to rem$y ?is by ! sev]e/ bodily inflictions1 b 9 va94 ,z we _h n yet built ! *apel1 & 7 f> f any *ur*1 ,i c\ld n g to pray]s or sacram5t )\t ! p]mission ( my husb&4 ,he 0 v reluctant to p]mit me1 except on ,sundays & holidays4 ,i c\ld n g out 9 ! coa*1 s t ,i 0 oblig$ to make use ( "s /ratagems1 & to get s]vice p]=m$ v e>ly 9 ! morn+1 to :i*1 feeble z ,i 01 ,i made an ef=t to creep on foot4 ,x 0 a qu>t] ( a league di/ant4 ,really ,god wr\ght wond]s = me4 ,g5]ally1 9 ! morn+s :5 ,i w5t to pray]s1 my husb& did n awake until aft] ,i 0 return$4 ,(t51 z ,i 0 go+ out1 ! wea!r 0 s cl\dy1 t ! girl ,i took ) me told me t ,i c\ld n g2 or if ,i did1 ,i %\ld be soak$ ) ! ra94 ,i answ]$ h] ) my usual confid5ce1 ,god w assi/ u4 ,i g5]ally rea*$ ! *apel )\t be+ wet4 ,:ile !re ! ra9 fell excessively4 ,:5 ,i return$ x ceas$4 ,:5 ,i got home x began aga9 ) fre% viol5ce4 ,dur+ sev]al ye>s t ,i h act$ ?is way1 ,i h nev] be5 deceiv$ 9 my confid5ce4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 t[n1 & c\ld f9d nobody1 ,i 0 surpris$ t !re came to me prie/s to ask me if ,i 0 will+ to receive ! communion1 & t if ,i 0 !y w\ld give x to me4 ,i _h no m9d to refuse ! opportunity :i* ,?\ ?yself (f]$ me2 = ,i _h no d\bt ( its be+ ,!e :o inspir$ !m to propose x4 ,be=e ,i _h contriv$ to get div9e s]vice at ! *apel ,i h m5tion$1 ,i h (t5 sudd5ly awoke ) a /rong impulse to g to pray]s4 ,my maid w\ld say1 ,b1 madam1 y are go+ to tire y\rself 9 va94 ,!re w be no s]vice4 ,= t *apel 0 n yet regul>ly s]v$4 ,i w5t full ( fai? & at my arrival h f\nd !m j ready to beg94 ,if ,i c\ld p>ticul>ly enum]ate ! rem>kable provid5ces :i* 7 h]eupon giv5 9 my favor !re w\ld be en\gh to fill :ole volumes4 ,:5 ,i want$ to he> f1 or write to ,"m ,grang]1 ,i (t5 felt a /rong prop5sity to g to ! door4 ,!re to f9d a mess5g] ) a lett] f h]4 ,?is is only a small in/ance ( ^! k9d ( cont9ual provid5ces4 ,%e 0 ! only p]son ,i c\ld be free to op5 my he>t to1 :5 ,i c\ld get to see h]1 :i* 0 ) ! greate/ difficulty4 ,x 0 ?r\gh provid5tial assi/ance2 because prohibit$ by my confessor & husb&4 ,i plac$ an extreme confid5ce 9 ,"m ,grang]4 ,i conceal$ no?+ f h] ei!r ( s9s or pa9s4 ,i did n n[ practice any au/]ities b ^? %e 0 will+ to all[ me4 ,my int]ior dispositions ,i 0 sc>cely able to tell because ,i knew n h[ to expla9 myself1 be+ v ignorant ( ^? matt]s1 hav+ nev] read or he>d ( !m4 ,"o day :5 !y ?\ght ,i 0 go+ to see my fa!r1 ,i ran (f to ,"m ,grang]4 ,x 0 discov]$1 & co/ me crosses4 ,_! rage aga9/ me 0 s excessive1 t x w\ld seem incr$ible4 ,ev5 my writ+ to h] 0 extremely difficult4 ,i _h ! utmo/ abhorr5ce ( a lie1 s ,i =bade ! footman to tell any4 ,:5 !y 7 met !y 7 ask$ :i!r !y 7 go+1 & if !y _h any lett]s4 ,my "m-9-law set h]self 9 a little passage1 ?r\gh :i* ^? :o w5t out mu/ necess>ily pass4 ,%e ask$ !m :i!r !y 7 go+ & :at !y c>ri$4 ,sometimes go+ on foot to ! ,b5$ict9es1 ,i caus$ %oes to be c>ri$1 t !y might n p]ceive by ! dirty ones t ,i _h be5 f>4 ,i d>$ n g alone2 ^? :o att5d$ me _h ord]s to tell ( e place ,i w5t4 ,if !y 7 discov]$ to fail1 !y 7 ei!r correct$ or dis*>g$4 ,my husb& & "m-9-law 7 always inveigh+ aga9/ t good woman1 ?\gh 9 reality !y e/eem$ h]4 ,i sometimes made my own compla9t & %e repli$1 ,h[ %\ld y cont5t !m1 :5 ,i h be5 do+ all 9 my p[] = tw5ty ye>s to satisfy !m )\t success8 ,= z my "m-9-law _h two daught]s "u h] c>e1 %e 0 always f9d+ some?+ to say aga9/ ev]y?+ %e did 9 reg>d to !m4 ,b ! mo/ s5sible cross to me n[ 0 ! revolt+ ( my own son aga9/ me4 ,!y inspir$ him ) s great a contempt = me1 t ,i c\ld n be> to see him )\t extreme affliction4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 my room ) "s ( my fri5ds1 !y s5t him to li/5 to :at we said4 ,z he saw ?is pleas$ !m1 he inv5t$ a hundr$ ?+s to tell !m4 ,if ,i caught him 9 a lie1 z ,i frequ5tly did1 he w\ld upbraid me1 say+1 ,my gr&mo!r says y h be5 a great] li> ?an ,i4 ,i answ]$1 ,!re=e ,i "k ! de=mity ( t vice1 & h[ h>d a ?+ x is to get ! bett] ( x2 & = ?is reason1 ,i w\ld n h y suff] ! l4 ,he spoke to me ?+s v (f5sive4 ,because he saw ! awe ,i /ood 9 ( 8 gr&mo!r & 8 fa!r1 if 9 _! abs5ce ,i f\nd fault ) him = any?+1 he insult+ly upbraid$ me4 ,he said t n[ ,i want$ to be set up ov] him because !y 7 n !re4 ,all ?is !y approv$ (4 ,"o day he w5t to see my fa!r & ra%ly began talk+ aga9/ me to him1 z he 0 us$ to do+ to 8 gr&mo!r4 ,b !re x did n meet ) ! same recomp5se4 ,x affect$ my fa!r to te>s4 ,fa!r came to our h\se to desire he might be correct$ = x4 ,!y promis$ x %\ld be done1 & yet !y nev] did x4 ,i 0 griev\sly afraid ( ! consequ5ces ( s bad an education4 ,i told ,"m ,grang] ( x1 :o said t s9ce ,i c\ld n rem$y x1 ,i mu/ suff] & leave ev]y?+ to ,god4 ,?is *ild w\ld be my cross4 ,ano!r great cross 0 ! difficulty ,i _h 9 att5d+ my husb&4 ,i knew he 0 displeas$ :5 ,i 0 n ) him2 yet :5 ,i 0 ) him1 he nev] express$ any pleasure4 ,on ! contr>y1 he only reject$ ) scorn :atev] (fice ,i p]=m$4 ,he 0 s difficult ) me ab\t ev]y?+1 t ,i sometimes trembl$ :5 ,i approa*$ him4 ,i c\ld d no?+ to 8 lik+2 & :5 ,i did n att5d him he 0 angry4 ,he _h tak5 su* a dislike to s\ps1 t he c\ld n be> ! sight ( !m4 ,^? t (f]$ !m _h a r\gh reception4 ,nei!r 8 "m nor any ( ! dome/ics w\ld c>ry !m to him4 ,!re 0 none b ,i :o did n refuse t (fice4 ,i br\ght !m & let 8 ang] pass2 !n ,i tri$ 9 "s agreeable mann] to prevail on him to take !m4 ,i said to him1 ,i _h r be reprim&$ sev]al times a day1 ?an let y suff] by n br++ y :at is prop]4 ,sometimes he took2 at o!r times he pu%$ !m back4 ,:5 he 0 9 a good humor & ,i 0 c>ry+ some?+ agreeable to him1 !n my "m-9-law w\ld snat* x out ( my h&s4 ,%e w\ld c>ry x h]self4 ,z he ?\ght ,i 0 n s c>eful & /udi\s to please him he w\ld fly 9 a rage aga9/ me & express great ?ankfulness to 8 "m4 ,i us$ all my skill & endeavors to ga9 my "m-9-law's favor by my pres5ts1 my s]vices2 b c\ld n succe$4 ,h[ bitt] & griev\s1 ,o my ,god1 w\ld su* a life be 7 x n = ,!e6 ,?\ ha/ sweet5$ & reconcil$ x to me4 ,i _h a few %ort int]vals f ?is sev]e & mortify+ life4 ,^! s]v$ only to make ! rev]ses m ke5 & bitt]4 ,,*apt] #ah ,ab\t eight or n9e mon?s aft] my recov]y f ! smallpox1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 pass+ by our h\se1 br\ght me a lett] f ,fa!r de la ,motte1 recomm5d+ him to my e/eem1 & express+ ! highe/ fri5d%ip = him4 ,i hesitat$ because ,i 0 v loa? to make new acqua9tances4 ,! fe> ( (f5d+ my bro!r prevail$4 ,aft] a %ort conv]sation we bo? desir$ a f>!r opportunity4 ,i ?\ght t he ei!r lov$ ,god1 or 0 dispos$ to love ,him1 & ,i wi%$ ev]ybody to love ,him4 ,god _h already made use ( me = ! conv]sion ( ?ree ( 8 ord]4 ,! /rong desire he _h ( see+ me aga9 induc$ him to come to our c\ntry h\se ab\t half a league f ! t[n4 ,a little incid5t :i* happ5$ op5$ a way = me to speak to him4 ,z he 0 9 disc\rse ) my husb&1 :o reli%$ 8 company1 he 0 tak5 ill & retir$ into ! g>d54 ,my husb& bade me g & see :at 0 ! matt]4 ,he told me he _h notic$ 9 my c\nt5ance a deep inw>dness & pres5ce ( ,god1 :i* _h giv5 him a /rong desire ( see+ me aga94 ,god !n assi/$ me to op5 to him ! int]ior pa? ( ! s\l1 & convey$ s mu* grace to him ?r\gh ?is poor *annel1 t he w5t away *ang$ into q ano!r man4 ,i pres]v$ an e/eem = him2 = x appe>$ to me t he w\ld be devot$ to ,god2 b little did ,i !n =esee1 t ,i %\ld ev] be l$ to ! place :]e he 0 to reside4 ,my disposition at ?is "t 0 a cont9ual pray]1 )\t kn[+ x to be su*4 ,! pres5ce ( ,god 0 s pl5tifully giv5 t x seem$ to be m 9 me ?an my v self4 ,! s5sibility !re( 0 s p[]ful1 s p5etrat+1 x seem$ to me irresi/ible4 ,love took f me all lib]ty ( my own4 ,at o!r times ,i 0 s dry1 ,i felt no?+ b ! pa9 ( abs5ce1 :i* 0 ! ke5] to me1 z ! div9e pres5ce _h be=e be5 s s5sible4 ,9 ^! alt]natives ,i =got all my tr\bles & pa9s4 ,x appe>$ to me z if ,i _h nev] exp]i5c$ any4 ,9 its abs5ce1 x seem$ z if x w\ld nev] return aga94 ,i /ill ?\ght x 0 ?r\gh "s fault ( m9e x 0 )drawn1 & t r5d]$ me inconsolable4 ,_h ,i kn[n x _h be5 a /ate ?r\gh :i* x 0 necess>y to pass1 ,i %\ld n h be5 tr\bl$4 ,my /rong love to ! w ( ,god w\ld h r5d]$ ev]y?+ easy to me4 ,! prop]ty ( ?is pray] 0 to give a great love to ! ord] ( ,god1 ) s sublime & p]fect a reliance on ,him1 z to fe> no?+1 :e!r dang]1 ?und]s1 spirits1 or dea?4 ,x gives a great ab/raction f "o's self1 our own int]e/s & reputation1 ) an utt] disreg>d to ev]y?+ ( ! k9d--all be+ swall[$ up 9 ! e/eem ( ! w ( ,god4 ,at home1 ,i 0 accus$ ( ev]y?+ t 0 ill done1 spoil$ or brok54 ,at fir/ ,i told ! tru?1 & said x 0 n ,i4 ,!y p]si/$1 & accus$ me ( ly+4 ,i !n made no reply4 ,besides1 !y told all _! tales to su* z came to ! h\se4 ,b :5 ,i 0 aft]w>d alone ) ! same p]sons1 ,i nev] undeceiv$ !m4 ,i (t5 he>d su* ?+s said ( me1 be=e my fri5ds1 z 7 en\gh to make !m ent]ta9 a bad op9ion4 ,my he>t kept its habitation 9 ! tacit consci\sness ( my own innoc5ce1 n conc]n+ myself :e!r !y ?\ght well or ill ( me2 exclud+ all ! _w1 all op9ions or c5sures1 out ( my view1 ,i m9d$ no?+ else b ! fri5d%ip ( ,god4 ,if ?r\gh infidelity ,i happ5$ at any "t to ju/ify myself1 ,i always fail$1 & drew ^u myself new crosses1 bo? )9 & )\t4 ,b not)/&+ all ?is1 ,i 0 s enamor$ ) x1 t ! greate/ cross ( all w\ld h be5 to be )\t any4 ,:5 ! cross 0 tak5 f me = any %ort space1 x seem$ to me t x 0 because ( ! bad use ,i made ( x2 t my unfai?fulness depriv$ me ( s great an advantage4 ,i nev] knew its value bett] ?an its loss4 ,i cri$ puni% me any way1 b take n ! cross f me4 ,?is amiable cross return$ to me ) s mu* ! m weight1 z my desire 0 m vehem5t4 ,i c\ld n reconcile two ?+s1 !y appe>$ to me s v opposite4 #a7 ,to desire ! cross ) s mu* ardor4 #b7 ,to support x ) s mu* difficulty & pa94 ,god kn[s well1 9 ! admirable economy he obs]ves1 h[ to r5d] ! crosses m weighty1 con=mable to ! ability ( ! creature to be> !m4 ,h]eby my s\l began to be m resign$1 to compreh5d t ! /ate ( abs5ce1 & ( want+ :at ,i long$ =1 0 9 its turn m pr(itable ?an t ( always ab\nd+4 ,?is latt] n\ri%$ self-love4 ,if ,god did n act ?us1 ! s\l w\ld nev] die to itself4 ,t pr9ciple ( self-love is s crafty & dang]\s1 t x cleaves to ev]y?+4 ,:at gave me mo/ uneas9ess1 9 ?is "t ( d>kness & crucifixion1 bo? )9 & )\t1 0 an inconceivable read9ess to be quick & ha/y4 ,:5 any answ] a little too lively escap$ me1 7:i* s]v$ n a little to humble me17 !y said ,i 0 fall5 into a mortal s94 ,a conduct no less rigor\s ?an ?is 0 q necess>y = me4 ,i 0 s pr\d1 passionate1 & ( a humor naturally ?w>t+1 want+ always to c>ry matt]s my own way1 ?9k+ my own reasons bett] ?an ^? ( o!rs4 ,had/ ?\1 ,o my ,god1 sp>$ ! /rokes ( ?y hamm]1 ,i %\ld nev] h be5 =m$ to ,?y w1 to be an in/rum5t = ,?y use2 = ,i 0 ridicul\sly va94 ,applause r5d]$ me intol]able4 ,i prais$ my fri5ds to excess1 & blam$ o!rs )\t reason4 ,b1 ! m crim9al ,i h be51 ! m ,i am indebt$ to ,!e1 & ! less ( any good c ,i attribute to myself4 ,h[ bl9d are m5 :o attribute to o!rs ! hol9ess t ,god gives !m6 ,i believe1 my ,god1 t ?\ ha/ _h *ildr51 :o "u ?y grace1 ow$ mu* to _! own fidelity4 ,z = me1 ,i owe all to ,!e2 ,i glory to confess x2 ,i _c ackn[l$ge x too mu*4 ,9 acts ( *>ity ,i 0 v assidu\s4 ,s great 0 my t5d]ness = ! poor1 t ,i wi%$ to h suppli$ all _! wants4 ,i c\ld n see _! necessity )\t reproa*+ myself = ! pl5ty ,i enjoy$4 ,i depriv$ myself ( all ,i c\ld to help !m4 ,! v be/ at my table 0 di/ribut$4 ,!re 7 few ( ! poor :]e ,i liv$1 :o did n p>take ( my lib]ality4 ,x seem$ z if ,?\ had/ made me ?y only almon] !re1 = be+ refus$ by o!rs1 !y came to me4 ,i cri$1 x is ,?y sub/ance2 ,i am only ! /ew>d4 ,i ought to di/ribute x accord+ to ,?y w4 ,i f\nd means to relieve !m )\t lett+ myself be kn[n1 because ,i _h "o :o disp5s$ my alms privately4 ,:5 !re 7 families :o 7 a%am$ to take x 9 ?is way1 ,i s5t x to !m z if ,i ow$ !m a debt4 ,i clo!d su* z 7 nak$1 & caus$ "y girls to be taught h[ to e>n _! livelihood1 especially ^? :o 7 h&some2 to ! end t be+ employ$1 & hav+ :]eon to live1 !y might n be "u a temptation to ?r[ !mselves away4 ,god made use ( me to reclaim sev]al f _! disord]ly lives4 ,i w5t to visit ! sick1 to com=t !m1 to make _! b$s4 ,i made o9tm5ts1 dress$ _! w\nds1 buri$ _! dead4 ,i privately furni%$ tradesm5 & me*anics :]e) to keep up _! %ops4 ,my he>t 0 mu* op5$ t[>d my fell[ creatures 9 di/ress4 ,few inde$ c\ld c>ry *>ity mu* f>!r ?an our ,"l enabl$ me to d1 accord+ to my /ate1 bo? :ile m>ri$ & s9ce4 ,to purify me ! m f ! mixture ,i might make ( ,8 gifts ) my own self-love1 ,he gave me int]ior probations1 :i* 7 v heavy4 ,i began to exp]i5ce an insupportable weight1 9 t v piety :i* _h =m]ly be5 s easy & delightful to me2 n t ,i did n love x extremely1 b ,i f\nd myself defective 9 t noble practice ( x4 ,! m ,i lov$ x1 ! m ,i labor$ to acquire :at ,i saw fail$ 94 ,b1 alas6 ,i seem$ cont9ually to be ov]come by t :i* 0 ! contr>y to x4 ,my he>t1 inde$1 0 deta*$ f all s5sual pleasures4 ,= ^! sev]al ye>s pa/1 x has seem$ to me t my m9d is s deta*$ & abs5t f ! body1 t ,i d ?+s z if ,i did !m n4 ,if ,i eat1 or refre% myself1 x is done ) su* an abs5ce1 or sep>ation1 z ,i wond] at1 ) an entire mortification ( ! ke5ness ( s5sation 9 all ! natural functions4 ,,*apt] #ai ,to resume my hi/ory1 ! smallpox _h s mu* hurt "o ( my eyes1 t x 0 fe>$ ,i w\ld lose x4 ,! gl& at ! corn] ( my eye 0 injur$4 ,an impo/hume arose f "t to "t betwe5 ! nose & ! eye1 :i* gave me great pa9 till x 0 lanc$4 ,x swell$ all my head to t degree t ,i c\ld n be> ev5 a pill[4 ,! lea/ noise 0 agony to me1 ?\gh sometimes !y made a great commotion 9 my *amb]4 ,yet ?is 0 a preci\s "t to me1 = two reasons4 ,fir/1 because ,i 0 left 9 b$ alone1 :]e ,i _h a sweet retreat )\t int]ruption2 ! o!r1 because x answ]$ ! desire ,i _h = suff]+1--:i* desire 0 s great1 t all ! au/]ities ( ! body w\ld h be5 b z a drop ( wat] to qu5* s great a fire4 ,inde$ ! sev]ities & rigors :i* ,i !n ex]cis$ 7 extreme1 b !y did n appease ?is appetite = ! cross4 ,x is ,?\ alone1 ,o ,crucifi$ ,savi\r1 :o can/ make ! cross truly effectual = ! dea? ( self4 ,let o!rs bless !mselves 9 _! ease or gaiety1 gr&eur or pleasures1 poor tempor>y heav5s2 = me1 my desires 7 all turn$ ano!r way1 ev5 to ! sil5t pa? ( suff]+ = ,*ri/1 & to be unit$ to ,him1 ?r\gh ! mortification ( all t 0 ( nature 9 me1 t my s5ses1 appetites & w1 be+ dead to ^!1 might :olly live 9 ,him4 ,i obta9$ leave to g to ,p>is = ! cure ( my eye2 & yet x 0 mu* m ?r\gh ! desire ,i _h to see ,monsieur ,b]tot1 a man ( pr(\nd exp]i5ce1 :om ,"m ,grang] _h lately assign$ to me = my director4 ,i w5t to take leave ( my fa!r1 :o embrac$ me ) peculi> t5d]ness1 little ?9k+ !n t x w\ld be our la/ adieu4 ,p>is 0 a place n[ no long] to be dread$ z 9 times pa/4 ,! ?rongs only s]v$ to draw me into a deep recollection1 & ! noise ( ! /reets augm5t$ my inw>d pray]4 ,i saw ,monsieur ,b]tot1 :o did n prove ( t s]vice to me1 :i* he w\ld h be5 if ,i _h !n ! p[] to expla9 myself4 ,?\gh ,i wi%$ e>ne/ly to hide no?+ f him1 yet ,god held me s closely to ,him1 t ,i c\ld sc>cely tell any?+ at all4 ,z soon z ,i spoke to him1 ev]y?+ vani%$ f my m9d1 s t ,i c\ld rememb] no?+ b "s few faults4 ,z ,i saw him v seldom1 & no?+ /ay$ 9 my recollection1 & z ,i read ( no?+ any way resembl+ my case1 ,i knew n h[ to expla9 myself4 ,besides1 ,i desir$ to make no?+ kn[n1 b ! evil :i* 0 9 me4 ,!re=e ,monsieur ,b]tot knew me n1 ev5 till 8 dea?4 ,?is 0 ( great utility to me1 by tak+ away e support1 & mak+ me truly die to myself4 ,i w5t to pass ! t5 days1 f ! ,asc5sion to ,:itsuntide1 at an abbey f\r leagues f ,p>is1 ! abbess ( :i* _h a p>ticul> fri5d%ip = me4 ,"h my union ) ,god seem$ to be deep] & m cont9u$1 becom+ always simple1 at ! same "t m close & intimate4 ,"o day ,i awoke sudd5ly at f\r o'clock 9 ! morn+1 ) a /rong impression on my m9d t my fa!r 0 dead4 ,at ! same "t my s\l 0 9 a v great cont5tm5t1 yet my love = him affect$ x ) sorr[1 & my body ) weakness4 ,"u ! /rokes & daily tr\bles :i* befell me1 my w 0 s subs]vi5t to ,?9e1 ,o my ,god1 t x appe>$ absolutely unit$ to x4 ,!re seem$1 inde$1 to be no w left 9 me b ,?9e only4 ,my own disappe>$1 & no desires1 t5d5cies or incl9ations 7 left1 b to ! "o sole object ( :atev] 0 mo/ pleas+ to ,!e1 be x :at x w\ld4 ,if ,i _h a w1 x 0 9 union ) ?9e1 z two well tun$ lutes 9 conc]t4 ,t :i* is n t\*$ r5d]s ! same s\nd z t :i* is t\*$2 x is b "o & ! same s\nd1 "o pure h>mony4 ,x is ?is union ( ! w :i* e/abli%es 9 p]fect peace4 ,yet1 ?\gh my own w 0 lo/ ,i h f\nd s9ce1 9 ! /range /ates ,i h be5 oblig$ to pass ?r\gh1 h[ mu* x _h yet to co/ me to h x totally lo/4 ,h[ _m s\ls are !re :i* ?9k _! own wills q lo/1 :ile !y are yet v f> f x6 ,!y w\ld f9d !y /ill subsi/1 if !y met ) sev]e trials4 ,:o is !re :o does n wi% some?+ = himself1 ei!r ( int]e/1 weal?1 honor1 pleasure1 conv5i5cy & lib]ty4 ,he :o ?9ks 8 m9d loose f all ^! objects1 because he possesses !m1 w\ld soon p]ceive 8 atta*m5t to !m1 7 he /ripp$ ( ^? he possess$4 ,if !re are f\nd 9 a :ole age ?ree p]sons s dead to ev]y?+1 z to be utt]ly resign$ to provid5ce )\t any exception1 !y may well pass = prodigies ( grace4 ,9 ! aft]noon z ,i 0 ) ! abbess1 ,i told h] ,i _h /rong pres5tim5ts ( my fa!r's dea?4 ,inde$ ,i c\ld h>dly speak1 ,i 0 s affect$ )94 ,pres5tly "o came to tell h] t %e 0 want$ 9 ! p>lor4 ,x 0 a mess5g] come 9 ha/e1 ) an acc\nt f my husb& t my fa!r 0 ill4 ,& z ,i aft]w>d f\nd1 he suff]$ only twelve h\rs4 ,he 0 !re=e by ?is "t dead4 ,! abbess return+1 said1 ,"h is a lett] f y\r husb&1 :o writes t y\r fa!r is tak5 viol5tly ill4 ,i said to h]1 ,he is dead1 ,i _c h a d\bt ab\t x4 ,i s5t away to ,p>is imm$iately1 to hire a coa*1 to g ! soon]2 m9e wait$ = me at ! midway4 ,i w5t (f at n9e o'clock at night4 ,!y said4 ,i 0 go+ to de/roy myself4 ,i _h no acqua9tance ) me z ,i _h s5t away my maid to ,p>is1 to put ev]y?+ 9 ord] !re4 ,be+ 9 a religi\s h\se1 ,i _h no m9d to keep a footman ) me4 ,! abbess told me1 t s9ce ,i ?\ght my fa!r 0 dead1 x w\ld be ra%ness 9 me to expose myself1 & run ! risk ( my life 9 t mann]4 ,coa*es c\ld h>dly pass ! way ,i 0 go+1 x be+ no beat5 road4 ,i answ]$1 ,x 0 my indisp5sable duty to g to assi/ my fa!r1 & t ,i ought n1 on a b>e appreh5sion1 to exempt myself f x4 ,i !n w5t alone1 ab&on$ to ,provid5ce1 ) p unkn[n4 ,my weakness 0 s great1 t ,i c\ld h>dly keep my seat 9 ! coa*4 ,i 0 (t5 =c$ to alight1 on acc\nt ( dang]\s places 9 ! road4 ,9 ?is way ,i 0 oblig$1 ab\t midnight1 to cross a =e/1 notori\s = murd]s & robb]ies4 ,! mo/ intrepid dread$ x2 b my resignation left me sc>ce any room to ?9k at all ab\t x4 ,:at fe>s & uneas9ess does a resign$ s\l sp>e itself6 ,all alone ,i arriv$ )9 five leagues ( my own habitation1 :]e ,i f\nd my confessor :o _h oppos$ me1 ) "o ( my relations1 wait+ = me4 ,! sweet consolation ,i _h enjoy$1 :5 alone1 0 n[ int]rupt$4 ,my confessor1 ignorant ( my /ate1 re/ra9$ me entirely4 ,my grief 0 ( su* a nature t ,i c\ld n %$ a te>4 ,& ,i 0 a%am$ to he> a ?+ :i* ,i knew b too well1 )\t giv+ any ext]ior m>k ( grief4 ,! inw>d & pr(\nd peace ,i enjoy$ dawn$ on my c\nt5ance4 ,! /ate ,i 0 9 did n p]mit me to speak1 or to d su* ?+s z are usually expect$ f p]sons ( piety4 ,i c\ld d no?+ b love & be sil5t4 ,i f\nd on my arrival at home1 t my fa!r 0 already buri$ because ( ! excessive heat4 ,x 0 t5 o'clock at night4 ,all wore ! habit ( m\rn+4 ,i _h travel$ ?irty leagues 9 a day & a night4 ,z ,i 0 v weak1 n hav+ tak5 any n\ri%m5t1 ,i 0 in/antly put to b$4 ,ab\t two o'clock 9 ! morn+ my husb& got up1 & hav+ gone out ( my *amb]1 he return$ pres5tly1 cry+ out ) all 8 might1 ,my daught] is dead6 ,%e 0 my only daught]1 z de>ly belov$ z truly lovely4 ,%e _h s _m graces bo? ( body & m9d conf]r$ on h]1 t "o mu/ h be5 ins5sible n to h lov$ h]4 ,%e _h an extraord9>y %>e ( love to ,god4 ,(t5 0 %e f\nd 9 corn]s at pray]4 ,z soon z %e p]ceiv$ me at pray]1 %e came & jo9$4 ,if %e discov]$ t ,i _h be5 )\t h]1 %e w\ld weep bitt]ly & cry1 ,ah1 mamma1 y pray b ,i don't4 ,:5 we 7 alone & %e saw my eyes clos$ %e w\ld :isp]1 ,are y asleep8 ,!n %e w\ld cry out1 ,ah no1 y are pray+ to our de> ,jesus4 ,dropp+ on h] knees be=e me %e w\ld beg9 to pray too4 ,%e 0 sev]al times :ipp$ by h] gr&mo!r1 because %e said1 %e w\ld nev] h any o!r husb& b our ,"l4 ,%e c\ld nev] make h] say o!rwise4 ,%e 0 innoc5t & mode/ z a little angel2 v dutiful & ende>+1 & )al v beautiful4 ,h] fa!r dot$ on h]1 to me %e 0 v de>1 mu* m = ! qualities ( h] m9d ?an ^? ( h] beautiful p]son4 ,i look$ ^u h] z my only consolation on e>?4 ,%e _h z mu* affection = me1 z h] bro!r _h av]sion & contempt4 ,%e di$ ( an unseasonable ble$+4 ,b :at %all ,i say8 ,%e di$ by ! h&s ( ,him :o 0 pleas$1 = wise reasons ( ,8 own1 to /rip me ( all4 ,!re n[ rema9$ to me only ! son ( my sorr[4 ,he fell ill to ! po9t ( dea?1 b 0 re/or$ at ! pray] ( ,"m ,grang] :o 0 n[ my only consolation aft] ,god4 ,i no m wept = my *ild ?an = my fa!r4 ,i c\ld only say1 ,?\1 ,o ,"l1 gave h] to me2 x pleases ,!e to take h] back aga91 = %e 0 ,?9e4 ,z = my fa!r1 8 virtue 0 s g5]ally kn[n1 t ,i mu/ r be sil5t1 ?an ent] ^u ! subject4 ,8 reliance on ,god1 8 fai? & pati5ce 7 wond]ful4 ,bo? di$ 9 ,july1 #afgb4 ,h5ce=? crosses 7 n sp>$ me1 & ?\gh ,i _h abundance ( !m hi!rto1 yet !y 7 only ! %ad[s ( ^? :i* ,i h be5 s9ce oblig$ to pass ?r\gh4 ,9 ?is spiritual m>riage ,i claim$ = my d[ry only crosses1 sc\rges1 p]secutions1 ignom9ies1 l[l9ess1 & no?+ness ( self1 :i* 9 ,god's great goodness1 & = wise ends1 z ,i h se51 has be5 pleas$ to grant & conf] ^u me4 ,"o day1 be+ 9 great di/ress on acc\nt ( ! r$\bl+ ( outw>d & inw>d crosses1 ,i w5t into my closet to give v5t to my grief4 ,m4 ,b]tot 0 br\ght into my m9d1 ) ?is wi%1 ,oh1 t he 0 s5sible ( :at ,i suff]6 ,?\gh he wrote b v seldom1 & ) great difficulty1 yet he wrote me a lett] dat$ ! same day ab\t ! cross4 ,x 0 ! f9e/ & mo/ consolatory he ev] wrote me on t subject4 ,sometimes my _s 0 s oppress$ ) cont9ual crosses1 :i* sc>cely gave me any relaxation1 t :5 alone my eyes turn$ e way1 to see if !y c\ld f9d any?+ to give relief4 ,a ^w1 a sigh1 a trifle1 or to "k t anyone took "p 9 my grief1 w\ld h be5 "s com=t4 ,t 0 n grant$ me1 n ev5 to look t[>d ,heav51 or to make any compla9t4 ,love held me !n s closely1 t x w\ld h ?is mis]able nature to p]i%1 )\t giv+ x any support or n\ri%m5t4 ,oh1 my de>e/ ,"l6 ,?\ yet gave/ my s\l a victori\s support1 :i* made x triumph ov] all ! weaknesses ( nature1 & seiz$ ,?y knife to sacrifice x )\t sp>+4 ,& yet ?is nature s p]v]se1 & full ( artifices to save its life1 at la/ took ! c\rse ( n\ri%+ itself on its own despair1 on its fidelity "u su* heavy & cont9ual oppression4 ,x s\ght to conceal ! value x attribut$ !reto4 ,b ?y eyes 7 too p5etrat+ n to detect ! subtilty4 ,:]e=e1 ?\1 ,o my ,%eph]d1 *ang$ ,?y conduct t[>d x4 ,?\ sometimes com=t$ x ) ?y crook & ,?y /aff2 t is to say1 by ,?y conduct z lov+ z crucify+2 b x 0 only to r$uce x to ! la/ extremity1 z ,i %all %[ h]eaft]4 ,,*apt] #bj ,a lady ( rank1 :om ,i sometimes visit$1 took a p>ticul> lik+ to me1 because 7z %e 0 pleas$ to say7 my p]son & mann]s 7 agreeable4 ,%e said t %e obs]v$ 9 me some?+ extraord9>y & uncommon4 ,i believe x 0 ! inw>d attraction ( my s\l t appe>$ on my v c\nt5ance4 ,"o day a g5tleman ( fa%ion said to my husb&'s aunt1 ,i saw ! lady y\r niece2 & x is v evid5t t %e lives 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god4 ,i 0 surpris$ at ?is1 z ,i little ?\ght su* an "o z he c\ld "k :at x 0 to h ,god ?us pres5t4 ,?is lady ( rank began to be t\*$ ) ! s5se ( ,god4 ,want+ once to take me to ! play1 ,i refus$ to g2 7,i nev] w5t to plays7 mak+ use ( ! pretext ( my husb&'s cont9ual indispositions4 ,%e press$ me exce$+ly1 & said1 ,i %\ld n be prev5t$ by 8 sickness f tak+ "s amusem5t & ,i 0 n ( an age to be conf9$ ) ! sick l a nurse4 ,i told h] my reasons4 ,%e !n p]ceiv$ t x 0 m f a pr9ciple ( piety1 ?an ! indispositions ( my husb&4 ,insi/+ to "k my s5tim5t ( plays1 ,i told h]1 ,i entirely disapprov$ ( !m1 & especially = a ,*ri/ian woman4 ,& z %e 0 f> m advanc$ 9 ye>s ?an ,i 01 :at ,i !n said made su* an impression on h] m9d1 %e nev] w5t aga94 ,once ) h] & ano!r lady1 :o 0 fond ( talk+ & :o _h read ! fa!rs1 !y spoke mu* ( ,god4 ,?is lady spoke le>n$ly ( ,him4 ,i said sc>cely any?+1 be+ inw>dly drawn to sil5ce1 & tr\bl$ at ?is conv]sation ab\t ,god4 ,my acqua9tance came next day to see me4 ,! ,"l _h s t\*$ h] he>t1 %e c\ld hold out no long]4 ,i attribut$ ?is to some?+ ! o!r lady _h said1 b %e said to me1 ,y\r sil5ce _h some?+ 9 x :i* p5etrat$ to ! bottom ( my s\l4 ,i c\ld n reli% :at ! o!r said4 ,we spoke to "o ano!r ) op5 he>ts4 ,x 0 !n t ,god left indelible impressions ( ,8 grace on h] s\l1 & %e cont9u$ s a?ir/ = ,him1 t %e c\ld sc>cely endure to conv]se on any o!r subject4 ,t %e might become :olly ,81 ,he depriv$ h] ( a mo/ affectionate husb&4 ,he visit$ h] ) su* sev]e crosses1 & at ! same "t p\r$ ,8 grace s abundantly into h] he>t1 t ,he soon became ! sole ma/] !re(4 ,aft] ! dea? ( h] husb&1 & ! loss ( mo/ ( h] =tune1 %e w5t to reside f\r leagues f our h\se1 on a small e/ate1 :i* 0 left4 ,%e obta9$ my husb&'s cons5t to my go+ to sp5d a week ) h]1 to console h]4 ,god gave h] by my means all %e want$4 ,%e _h a great %>e ( und]/&+1 b 0 surpris$ at my express+ ?+s to h] s f> above my natural capacity4 ,i %\ld h be5 surpris$ at x myself4 ,x 0 ,god :o gave me ! gift = h] sake1 diffus+ a flood ( grace into h] s\l1 )\t reg>d+ ! unwor?9ess ( ! *annel ( :i* ,he 0 pleas$ to make use4 ,s9ce t "t h] s\l has be5 ! temple ( ! ,holy ,gho/1 & our he>ts h be5 indissolubly unit$4 ,my husb& & ,i took a little j\rney toge!r1 9 :i* bo? my resignation & humility 7 ex]cis$1 yet )\t difficulty or con/ra9t1 s p[]ful 0 ! influ5ce ( div9e grace4 ,we _h all lik$ to h p]i%$ 9 a riv]4 ,! re/ ( ! company 9 desp]ate fright ?rew !mselves out ( ! coa*1 :i* sunk 9 ! mov+ s&4 ,i cont9u$ s mu* inw>dly occupi$1 t ,i did n once ?9k ( ! dang]4 ,god deliv]$ me f x )\t my ?\ght ( avoid+ x4 ,i 0 q cont5t to be dr[n$1 _h ,he p]mitt$ x4 ,x may be said1 ,i 0 ra%4 ,i believe ,i 0 s2 yet ,i r *ose to p]i%1 tru/+ 9 ,god1 ?an make my escape 9 a dep5d5ce on myself4 ,:at say ,i8 ,we d n p]i%1 b = want ( tru/+ ,him4 ,my pleasure is to be indebt$ to ,him = ev]y?+4 ,?is r5d]s me cont5t 9 my mis]ies1 :i* ,i w\ld r endure all my life long1 9 a /ate ( resignation to ,him1 ?an put an end to !m1 9 a dep5d5ce on myself4 ,h[ev]1 ,i w\ld n advise o!rs to act ?us1 unless !y 7 9 ! same disposition :i* ,i 0 94 ,z my husb&'s maladies daily increas$1 he resolv$ to g to ,/4 ,re9e4 ,he appe>$ v desir\s ( hav+ none b me ) him1 & told me "o day1 ,if !y nev] spoke to me aga9/ y1 ,i %\ld be m easy1 & y m happy4 ,9 ?is j\rney ,i committ$ _m faults ( self-love & self-seek+4 ,i 0 become l a poor travel] t _h lo/ 8 way 9 ! night & c\ld f9d no way1 pa?1 or track4 ,my husb&1 9 8 return f ,/4 ,re9e1 pass$ by ,/4 ,edm4 ,hav+ n[ no *ildr5 b my fir/-born son1 :o 0 (t5 at ! gates ( dea?1 he wi%$ exce$+ly = heirs1 & pray$ = !m e>ne/ly4 ,god grant$ 8 desire1 & gave me a second son4 ,z ,i 0 sev]al weeks )\t any "o d>+ to speak to me1 on acc\nt ( my great weakness1 x 0 a "t ( retreat & ( sil5ce4 ,i tri$ to indemnify myself = ! loss ( "t ,i _h su/a9$ 9 ! o!rs1 to pray to ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 & to cont9ue alone ) ,!e4 ,i may say t ,god took a new possession ( me1 & left me n4 ,x 0 a "t ( cont9ual joy )\t int]ruption4 ,z ,i _h exp]i5c$ _m inw>d difficulties & weaknesses x 0 a new life4 ,x seem$ z if ,i 0 already 9 ! fruition ( beatitude4 ,h[ de> did ?is happy "t co/ me1 s9ce x 0 only a prep>ative to a total privation ( com=t = sev]al ye>s1 )\t any support1 or hope ( return6 ,x began ) ! dea? ( ,mrs4 ,grang]1 :o _h be5 my only consolation "u ,god4 ,be=e my return f ,/4 ,re9e ,i he>d %e 0 dead4 ,:5 ,i receiv$ ?is news1 ,i confess x 0 ! mo/ afflict+ /roke ,i _h ev] felt4 ,i ?\ght t _h ,i be5 ) h] at h] dea? ,i might h spok5 to h] & receiv$ h] la/ in/ructions4 ,god has s ord]$ x t ,i 0 depriv$ ( h] assi/ance 9 almo/ all my losses1 9 ord] to r5d] ! /rokes m pa9ful4 ,"s mon?s inde$ be=e h] dea?1 x 0 %[n to me1 t ?\gh ,i c\ld n see h] b ) difficulty1 & suff]+ = x1 yet %e 0 /ill "s support to me4 ,! ,"l let me "k t x w\ld be pr(itable = me to be depriv$ ( h]4 ,b at ! "t %e di$ ,i did n ?9k s4 ,x 0 9 t try+ season :5 my pa?s 7 all block$ up1 %e 0 tak5 f me4 ,%e :o might h guid$ me 9 my lonesome & difficult road1 b\nd$ z x 7 ) precipices1 & entangl$ ) bri>s & ?orns4 ,adorable conduct ( my ,god6 !re mu/ be no guide = ! p]son :om ,?\ art lead+ into ! regions ( d>kness & dea?1 no conductor = ! man :om ?\ art det]m9$ to de/roy1 7t is1 to cause to die totally to himself74 ,aft] hav+ sav$ me ) mu* m]cy1 aft] hav+ l$ me by ! h& 9 rugg$ pa?s1 x seems ,?\ wa/ b5t on my de/ruction4 ,may x n be said t ,?\ do/ n save b to de/roy1 nor g to seek ! lo/ %eep1 b to cause x to be yet m lo/2 t ,?\ art pleas$ 9 build+ :at is demoli%$1 & 9 demoli%+ :at is built4 ,?\ w\ld/ ov]turn ! temple built by human endeavors1 ) s mu* c>e & indu/ry1 9 ord] z x 7 miracul\sly to erect a div9e /ructure1 a h\se n built ) h&s1 et]nal 9 ! ,heav5s4 ,secrets ( ! incompreh5sible wisdom ( ,god1 unkn[n to any besides ,himself6 ,man1 sprung up only ( a few days1 wants to p5etrate1 & to set b\nds to x4 ,:o is x t ha? kn[n ! m9d ( ! ,"l1 or :o ha? be5 ,8 c\nselor8 ,is x a wisdom only to be kn[n ?r\gh dea? to ev]y?+1 & ?r\gh ! entire loss ( all self8 ,my bro!r n[ op5ly %[$ 8 hatr$ = me4 ,he m>ri$ at ,orleans & my husb& _h ! complaisance to g to 8 m>riage4 ,he 0 9 a poor /ate ( heal?1 ! roads bad1 & s cov]$ ov] ) sn[1 t we _h l to h be5 ov]turn$ twelve or fifte5 times4 ,yet f> f appe>+ oblig$ by 8 polit5ess1 my bro!r qu>rel$ ) him m ?an ev]1 & )\t reason4 ,i 0 ! butt ( bo? _! res5tm5ts4 ,:ile ,i 0 at ,orleans1 meet+ ) "o :om at t "t ,i ?\ght highly (1 ,i 0 too =w>d & free 9 speak+ to him ( spiritual ?+s1 ?9k+ ,i 0 do+ well1 b _h a remorse = x aft]w>ds4 ,h[ (t5 we mi/ake nature = grace6 ,"o mu/ be dead to self1 :5 su* f[>dness comes f ,god only4 ,my bro!r treat$ me ) ! utmo/ contempt4 ,yet1 my m9d 0 s fully drawn inw>d1 t al?\gh we _h mu* m dang] on ! road ?an :5 go+1 ,i _h no ?\ght ab\t myself1 b all ab\t my husb&4 ,see+ ! coa* ov]turn+1 ,i said1 ,fe> n1 x is on my side t x falls2 x w n hurt y4 ,i believe1 _h all p]i%$1 ,i %\ld n h be5 mov$4 ,my peace 0 s pr(\nd t no?+ c\ld %ake x4 ,if ^! times cont9u$1 we %\ld be too /rong4 ,!y n[ began to come b seldom & 7 foll[$ ) long & we>isome privations4 ,s9ce t "t my bro!r has *ang$ = ! bett]1 & has turn$ on ! side ( ,god1 b he has nev] turn$ to me4 ,x has be5 by p>ticul> p]mission ( ,god1 & ! conduct ( ,8 provid5ce ov] my s\l1 t has caus$ him & o!r religi\s p]sons1 :o h p]secut$ me1 to ?9k !y 7 r5d]+ glory to ,god1 & do+ acts ( ju/ice !re94 ,inde$1 x is j t all creatures %\ld be trea*]\s to me1 & decl>e aga9/ me1 :o h too _m times be5 trea*]\s to ,god1 & sid$ ) ,8 enemy4 ,aft] ?is !re 0 a v p]plex+ affair4 ,to me x caus$ great crosses1 & seem$ design$ = no?+ else4 ,a c]ta9 p]son conceiv$ s mu* malice aga9/ my husb&1 t he 0 det]m9$ to ru9 him if possible4 ,he f\nd no o!r way to attempt x1 b by ent]+ into a private engagem5t ) my bro!r4 ,he obta9$ a p[] to dem&1 9 ! "n ( ! k+'s bro!r1 two hundr$ ?\s& livres1 :i* he pret5d$ t my bro!r & ,i ow$ him4 ,my bro!r sign$ ! processes1 ^u an assurance giv5 him t he %\ld n pay any?+4 ,i ?9k 8 y\? engag$ him 9 :at he did n und]/&4 ,?is affair s *agr9$ my husb&1 t ,i h reason to believe x %ort5$ 8 days4 ,he 0 s angry ) me 7al?\gh ,i 0 innoc5t71 t he c\ld n speak to me except 9 a fury4 ,he w\ld give me no light into ! affair1 & ,i did n "k 9 :at x consi/$4 ,9 ! height ( 8 rage1 he said he w\ld n m$dle ) x1 b give me my portion1 & let me live z ,i c\ld4 ,on ! o!r side1 my bro!r w\ld n move 9 x1 nor suff] any?+ to be done4 ,! day ( ! trial1 aft] pray]1 ,i felt myself /rongly press$ to g to ! judges4 ,i 0 wond]fully assi/$ ev5 s z to discov] & unravel all ! turns & artifices ( ?is affair1 )\t kn[+ h[ ,i c\ld h be5 able to d x4 ,! fir/ judge 0 s surpris$ to see ! affair s diff]5t f :at he _h ?\ght x be=e1 t he himself exhort$ me to g to ! o!r judges1 & especially to ! int5dant1 :o 0 j !n go+ to c\rt4 ,he 0 q mis9=m$ ab\t ! matt]4 ,god enabl$ me to manife/ ! tru? 9 s cle> a light1 & gave su* p[] to my words1 t ! int5dant ?ank$ me = hav+ s seasonably come to undeceive1 & set him "r4 ,_h ,i n done ?is1 he assur$ me ! cause _h be5 lo/4 ,z !y saw ! falsehood ( e po9t1 !y w\ld h condemn$ ! pla9tiff to pay ! co/s1 if he _h n be5 s great a pr9ce1 :o l5t 8 "n to ! s*eme4 ,to save ! honor ( ! pr9ce !y ord]$ u to pay him fifty cr[ns4 ,h]eby ! two hundr$ ?\s& livres 7 r$uc$ to only "o hundr$ & fifty4 ,my husb& 0 exce$+ly pleas$ at :at ,i _h done4 ,my bro!r appe>$ z outrage\s aga9/ me1 z if ,i _h caus$ him "s great loss4 ,?us mod]ately & at once end$ an affair1 :i* _h at fir/ appe>$ s v weighty & al>m+4 ,,*apt] #ba ,ab\t ?is "t ,i fell into a /ate ( total privation :i* la/$ ne>ly sev5 ye>s4 ,i seem$ to myself ca/ d[n l ,nebu*adnezz>1 to live among bea/s2 a deplorable /ate1 yet ( ! greate/ advantage to me1 by ! use :i* div9e wisdom made ( x4 ,?is /ate ( empt9ess1 d>kness1 & impot5cy1 w5t f> beyond any trials ,i _h ev] yet met4 ,i h s9ce exp]i5c$1 t ! pray] ( ! he>t :5 x appe>s mo/ dry & b>r51 nev]!less is n ineffectual nor (f]$ 9 va94 ,god gives :at is be/ = u1 ?\gh n :at we mo/ reli% or wi% =4 ,7 p b conv9c$ ( ?is tru?1 !y w\ld be f> f compla9+ all _! lives4 ,by caus+ u dea? ,he w\ld procure u life2 = all our happ9ess1 spiritual1 temporal & et]nal1 consi/s 9 resign+ ourselves to ,god1 leav+ x to ,him to d 9 u & ) u z ,he pleases1 & ) s mu* ! m submission2 z ?+s please u less4 ,by ?is pure dep5d5ce on ,8 ,_s1 ev]y?+ is giv5 u admirably4 ,our v weaknesses1 9 ,8 h&1 prove a s\rce ( humilition4 ,if ! s\l 7 fai?ful to leave itself 9 ! h& ( ,god1 su/a9+ all ,8 op]ations :e!r gratify+ or mortify+1 suff]+ itself to be conduct$1 f mom5t to mom5t1 by ,8 h&1 & annihilat$ by ! /rokes ( ,8 ,provid5ce1 )\t compla9+1 or desir+ any?+ b :at x has2 x w\ld soon arrive at ! exp]i5ce ( ! et]nal tru?1 ?\gh x might n at once "k ! ways & me?ods by :i* ,god conduct$ x !re4 ,p want to direct ,god in/ead ( resign+ !mselves to be direct$ by ,him4 ,!y want to %[ ,him a way1 in/ead ( passively foll[+ t :]e9 ,he leads !m4 ,h5ce _m s\ls1 call$ to enjoy ,god ,himself1 & n b>ely ,8 gifts1 sp5d all _! lives 9 runn+ aft] little consolations1 & fe$+ on !m--re/+ !re only1 mak+ all _! happ9ess to consi/ !re94 ,if my *a9s & my imprisonm5t 9 any way afflict y1 ,i pray t !y may s]ve to engage y to seek no?+ b ,god = ,himself alone1 & nev] to desire to possess ,him b by ! dea? ( y\r :ole selves1 nev] to seek to be some?+ 9 ! ways ( ! ,_s1 b *oose to ent] into ! mo/ pr(\nd no?+ness4 ,i _h an int]nal /rife1 :i* cont9ually rack$ me--two p[]s :i* appe>$ equally /rong seem$ equally to /ruggle = ! ma/]y )9 me4 ,on ! "o h&1 a desire ( pleas+ ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 a fe> ( (f5d+1 & a cont9ual t5d5cy ( all my p[]s to ,!e--on ! o!r side1 ! view ( all my inw>d corruptions1 ! depravity ( my he>t1 & ! cont9ual /irr+ & ris+ ( self4 ,:at torr5ts ( te>s1 :at desolations h ^! co/ me8 ,is x possible1 ,i cri$1 t ,i h receiv$ s _m graces & favors f ,god only to lose !m2--t ,i h lov$ ,him ) s mu* ardor1 b to be et]nally depriv$ ( ,him2 t ,8 b5efits h only produc$ +ratitude2 ,8 fidelity be5 repaid ) infidelity2 t my he>t has be5 empti$ ( all creatures1 & creat$ objects1 & fill$ ) ,8 bless$ pres5ce & love1 9 ord] n[ to be :olly void ( div9e p[]1 & only fill$ ) w&]+s & creat$ objects6 ,i c\ld n[ no long] pray z =m]ly4 ,heav5 seem$ %ut to me1 & ,i ?\ght ju/ly4 ,i c\ld get no consolation or make any compla9t2 nor _h ,i any creature on e>? to apply to4 ,i f\nd myself bani%$ f all be+s )\t f9d+ a support ( refuge 9 any?+4 ,i c\ld no m practice any virtue ) facility4 ,alas6 said ,i1 is x possible t ?is he>t1 =m]ly all on fire1 %\ld n[ become l ice6 ,i (t5 ?\ght all creatures comb9$ aga9/ me4 ,lad5 ) a weight ( pa/ s9s1 & a multitude ( new ones1 ,i c\ld n ?9k ,god w\ld ev] p>don me1 b look$ on myself z a victim design$ = ,hell4 ,i w\ld h be5 glad to d p5ances1 to make use ( pray]s1 pilgrimages1 & v[s4 ,b /ill1 :atev] ,i tri$ = a rem$y seem$ only to increase ! malady4 ,i may say t te>s 7 my dr9k1 & sorr[ my food4 ,i felt 9 myself su* a pa9 z ,i nev] c\ld br+ any to compreh5d1 b su* z h exp]i5c$ x4 ,i _h )9 myself an execution] :o tortur$ me )\t respite4 ,ev5 :5 ,i w5t to *ur*1 ,i 0 n easy !re4 ,to s]mons ,i c\ld give no att5tion2 !y 7 n[ ( no s]vice or refre%m5t to me4 ,i sc>cely conceiv$ or und]/ood any?+ 9 !m1 or ab\t !m4 ,,*apt] #bb ,z my husb& drew ne> 8 end1 8 di/emp]s _h no int]mission4 ,no soon] 0 he recov]$ f "o :5 he fell into ano!r4 ,he bore great pa9s ) mu* pati5ce (f]+ !m to ,god & mak+ a good use ( !m4 ,yet 8 ang] t[>d me increas$1 because reports & /ories ( me 7 multipli$ to him1 & ^? ab\t him did no?+ b vex him4 ,he 0 ! m susceptible ( su* impressions1 z 8 pa9s gave him a /rong] b5t to vexation4 ,at ?is "t1 ! maid1 :o us$ to torm5t me sometimes took pity on me4 ,%e came to see me z soon z ,i 0 gone into my closet1 & said1 ,come to my ma/] t y\r "m-9-law may n speak any m to him aga9/ y4 ,i pret5d$ to be ignorant ( x all b he c\ld n conceal 8 displeasure1 nor ev5 suff] me ne> him4 ,my "m-9-law at ! same "t kept no b\nds4 ,all t came to ! h\se 7 witnesses ( ! cont9ual scold+s1 :i* ,i 0 =c$ to be>1 & :i* ,i bore ) mu* pati5ce1 not)/&+ my be+ 9 ! condition ,i h m5tion$4 ,my husb& hav+1 sometime be=e 8 dea?1 f9i%$ ! build+ ( ! *apel 9 ! c\ntry1 :]e we sp5t a "p ( ! summ]1 ,i _h ! conv5i5cy ( he>+ pray]s e day1 & ( ! communion4 ,n d>+ to d x op5ly e day1 ! prie/ privately admitt$ me to ! communion4 ,!y solemniz$ ! d$ication ( ?is little *apel4 ,i felt myself all on a sudd5 inw>dly seiz$1 :i* cont9u$ m ?an five h\rs1 all ! "t ( ! c]emony1 :5 our ,"l made a new consecration ( me to ,himself4 ,i !n seem$ to myself a temple consecrat$ to ,him1 bo? = "t & = et]nity4 ,i said )9 myself1 7speak+ bo? ( ! "o & ! o!r7 ,may ?is temple nev] be pr(an$2 may ! praises ( ,god be sung !re9 =ev]6 ,x seem$ to me at t "t z if my pray] 0 grant$4 ,b soon all ?is 0 tak5 f me1 & n s mu* z any remembrance left to console me4 ,:5 ,i 0 at ?is c\ntry h\se1 :i* 0 only a little place ( retreat be=e ! *apel 0 built1 ,i retir$ = pray] to woods & cav]ns4 ,h[ _m times1 "h1 has ,god pres]v$ me f dang]\s & v5om\s bea/s6 ,sometimes1 unaw>es1 ,i kneel$ ^u s]p5ts1 :i* 7 !re 9 great pl5ty2 !y fl$ away )\t do+ me any h>m4 ,once ,i happ5$ to be alone 9 a little wood :]e9 0 a mad bull2 b he betook himself to flight4 ,if ,i c\ld rec\nt all ! provid5ces ( ,god 9 my favor1 x w\ld appe> wond]ful4 ,!y 7 inde$ s frequ5t & cont9ual1 t ,i c\ld n b be a/oni%$ at !m4 ,god ev]la/+ly gives to su* z h no?+ to repay ,him4 ,if !re appe>s 9 ! creature any fidelity or pati5ce1 x is ,he alone :o gives x4 ,if ,he ceases = an in/ant to support1 if ,he seems to leave me to myself1 ,i cease to be /rong1 & f9d myself weak] ?an any o!r creature4 ,if my mis]ies %[ :at ,i am1 ,8 favors %[ :at ,he is1 & ! extreme necessity ,i am "u ( ev] dep5d+ on ,him4 ,aft] twelve ye>s & f\r mon?s ( m>riage1 crosses z great z possible1 except pov]ty :i* ,i nev] knew1 ?\gh ,i _h mu* desir$ x1 ,god drew me out ( t /ate to give me /ill /rong] crosses ( su* a nature z ,i _h nev] met ) be=e4 ,= if y give att5tion1 sir1 to ! life :i* y h ord]$ me to write1 y w rem>k t my crosses h be5 increas+ till ! pres5t "t1 "o remov$ to give place to ano!r to succe$ x1 /ill heavi] ?an ! =m]4 ,amid ! tr\bles impos$ ^u me1 :5 !y said1 ,i 0 9 a mortal s91 ,i _h nobody 9 ! _w to speak to4 ,i c\ld h wi%$ to h _h somebody = a witness ( my conduct2 b ,i _h none4 ,i _h no support1 no confessor1 no director1 no fri5d1 no c\ncillor4 ,i _h lo/ all4 ,& aft] ,god _h tak5 f me "o aft] ano!r1 ,he )drew also ,himself4 ,i rema9$ )\t any creature2 & to complete my di/ress1 ,i seem$ to be left )\t ,god1 :o alone c\ld support me 9 su* a deeply di/ress+ /ate4 ,my husb&'s illness grew e day m ob/9ate4 ,he appreh5d$ ! approa* ( dea?1 & ev5 wi%$ = x1 s oppressive 0 langui%+ life4 ,to 8 o!r ills 0 great dislike to e sort ( n\ri%m5t2 he did n take any?+ necess>y to su/a9 life4 ,i alone _h ! c\rage to get him to take :at little he did4 ,! doctor advis$ him to g to ! c\ntry4 ,!re = a few days at fir/ he seem$ to be bett]1 :5 he 0 sudd5ly tak5 ) a complication ( diseases4 ,8 pati5ce increas$ 8 pa94 ,i saw pla9ly he c\ld n live long4 ,x 0 a great tr\ble to me1 t my "m-9-law kept me f him z mu* z %e c\ld4 ,%e infus$ into 8 m9d su* a displeasure aga9/ me1 t ,i 0 afraid le/ he %\ld die 9 x4 ,i took a little int]val ( "t :5 %e happ5$ n to be ) him1 & draw+ ne> 8 b$1 ,i kneel$ d[n & said to him1 ,t if ,i _h ev] done any ?+ t displeas$ him ,i begg$ 8 p>don1 assur+ him x _h n be5 volunt>y4 ,he appe>$ v mu* affect$4 ,z he _h j come out ( a s\nd sleep1 he said to me1 ,x is ,i :o beg y\r p>don1 ,i did n des]ve y4 ,aft] t "t he 0 n only pleas$ to see me1 b gave me advice :at ,i %\ld d aft] 8 dea?2 n to dep5d on ! p on :om n[ ,i dep5d$4 ,he 0 = eight days v resign$ & pati5t4 ,i s5t to ,p>is = ! mo/ skillful surgeon2 b :5 he arriv$ my husb& 0 dead4 ,no mortal c\ld die 9 a m ,*ri/ian disposition1 or ) m c\rage ?an he did1 aft] hav+ receiv$ ! sacram5t 9 a mann] truly edify+4 ,i 0 n pres5t :5 he expir$1 = out ( t5d]ness he made me retire4 ,he 0 above tw5ty h\rs unconsci\s & 9 ! agonies ( 8 dea?4 ,x 0 9 ! morn+ ( ,july #ba1 #afgf1 t he di$4 ,next day ,i ent]$ into my closet1 9 :i* 0 ! image ( my div9e sp\se1 ! ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,i r5ew$ my m>riage-contract1 & add$ !reto a v[ ( *a/ity1 ) a promise to make x p]petual1 if ,m4 ,b]tot my director1 w\ld p]mit me4 ,aft] t ,i 0 fill$ ) great joy1 :i* 0 new to me1 z = a long "t pa/ ,i _h be5 plung$ 9 ! deepe/ bitt]ness4 ,z soon z ,i he>d t my husb& _h expir$1 ,oh1 my ,god1 ,i cri$1 ?\ ha/ brok5 my bonds1 & ,i w (f] !e a sacrifice ( praise4 ,aft] t ,i rema9$ 9 a deep sil5ce1 bo? ext]ior & int]ior1 q dry & )\t any support4 ,i c\ld nei!r weep nor speak4 ,my "m-9-law said v f9e ?+s1 & 0 v mu* comm5d$ = x by ev]yone4 ,!y 7 (f5d$ at my sil5ce1 :i* !y attribut$ to want ( resignation4 ,a fri> told me1 t ev]yone admir$ ! f9e acts :i* my "m-9-law did2 b z = me1 !y he>d me say no?+2 t ,i mu/ sacrifice my loss to ,god4 ,b ,i c\ld n say "o s+le ^w1 let me /rive z ,i w\ld4 ,i 0 inde$ v mu* exhau/$4 ,al?\gh ,i 0 b rec5tly deliv]$ ( my daught]1 yet ,i att5d$ & sat up ) my husb& f\r & tw5ty nights be=e 8 dea?4 ,i 0 m ?an a ye> aft] 9 recov]+ f fatigue1 jo9$ to my great weakness & pa9 bo? ( body & ( m9d4 ,! great depression1 or dryness & /upidity :i* ,i 0 91 0 su* t ,i c\ld n say a ^w ab\t ,god4 ,x bore me d[n 9 su* a mann] t ,i c\ld h>dly speak4 ,h[ev]1 ,i ent]$ = "s mom5ts into ! admiration ( ?y goodness1 ,o my ,god4 ,i saw well t my crosses w\ld n fail1 s9ce my "m-9-law _h surviv$ my husb&4 ,also ,i 0 /ill ti$1 9 hav+ two *ildr5 giv5 me 9 s %ort a "t be=e my husb&'s dea?1 :i* evid5tly appe>$ ! effect ( div9e wisdom2 = _h ,i only my elde/ son1 ,i w\ld h put him 9 a college2 & h gone myself into ! conv5t ( ! ,b5$ict9es1 & s fru/rat$ all ! designs ( ,god ^u me4 ,i 0 will+ to %[ ! e/eem ,i _h = my husb&1 9 caus+ ! mo/ magnific5t fun]al to be made = him at my own exp5se4 ,i paid (f ! legacies he _h left4 ,my "m-9-law viol5tly oppos$ ev]y?+ ,i c\ld d = secur+ my own int]e/s4 ,i _h nobody to apply to = advice or help2 = my bro!r w\ld n give me ! lea/ assi/ance4 ,i 0 ignorant ( bus9ess affairs2 b ,god1 indep5d5t ( my natural und]/&+s1 always made me fit = ev]y?+ t pleas$ ,him1 & suppli$ me ) su* a p]fect intellig5ce t ,i succe$$4 ,i omitt$ n ! lea/ m9utia1 & 0 surpris$ t 9 ^! matt]s ,i %\ld "k )\t ev] hav+ le>n$4 ,i dige/$ all my pap]s1 & regulat$ all my affairs1 )\t assi/ance f any "o4 ,my husb& _h abundance ( writ+s deposit$ 9 8 h&s4 ,i took an exact inv5tory ( !m1 & s5t !m sev]ally to _! own]s1 :i*1 )\t div9e assi/ance1 w\ld h be5 v difficult = me2 because1 my husb& hav+ be5 a long "t sick1 ev]y?+ 0 9 ! greate/ confusion4 ,?is ga9$ me ! reputation ( be+ a skillful woman4 ,!re 0 "o matt] ( great importance4 ,a numb] ( p]sons1 :o _h be5 cont5d+ at law = sev]al ye>s1 appli$ to my husb& to settle _! affairs4 ,?\gh x 0 n prop]ly ! bus9ess ( a g5tleman1 yet !y appli$ to him1 because he _h bo? und]/&+ & prud5ce2 & z he _h a love = sev]al ( !m1 he cons5t$4 ,!re 7 tw5ty actions "o ^u ano!r1 & 9 all tw5ty-two p]sons conc]n$1 :o c\ld n get any end put to _! diff]5ces1 by reason ( new incid5ts cont9ually fall+ out4 ,my husb& *>g$ himself ) gett+ lawy]s to exam9e _! pap]s1 b di$ be=e he c\ld make any proc$ure !re94 ,aft] 8 dea? ,i s5t = !m to give !m _! pap]s2 b !y w\ld n receive !m1 begg+ ( me t ,i w\ld accommodate !m1 & prev5t _! ru94 ,x appe>$ to me z ridicul\s1 z impossible1 to und]take an affair ( s great consequ5ce1 & :i* w\ld require s long a discussion4 ,nev]!less1 rely+ on ! /r5g? & wisdom ( ,god1 ,i cons5t$4 ,i %ut myself up ab\t ?irty days = all ^! affairs1 )\t ev] go+ out1 b to mass & to my meals4 ,! arbitration be+ at l5g? prep>$1 !y all sign$ x )\t see+ x4 ,!y 7 all s well satisfi$ !re)1 t !y c\ld n =be> publi%+ x ev]y:]e4 ,x 0 ,god alone :o did ^? ?+s2 = aft] !y 7 settl$ ,i knew no?+ ab\t !m2 & if ,i n[ he> any talk ( su* ?+s1 to me x s\nds l ,arabic4 ,,*apt] #bc ,be+ n[ a wid[1 my crosses1 :i* "o w\ld h ?\ght %\ld h abat$1 only increas$4 ,t turbul5t dome/ic ,i h (t5 m5tion$1 in/ead ( gr[+ mild]1 n[ t %e dep5d$ on me became m furi\s ?an ev]4 ,9 our h\se %e _h amass$ a good =tune1 & ,i settl$ on h]1 besides1 an annuity = ! rema9d] ( h] life1 = ! s]vices %e _h done my husb&4 ,%e swell$ ) vanity & haught9ess4 ,hav+ be5 us$ to sit up s mu* ) an invalid1 %e _h tak5 to dr9k w9e1 to keep up h] spirits4 ,?is _h n[ pass$ into a habit4 ,z %e grew ag$ & weak1 a v little ( x affect$ h]4 ,i tri$ to hide ?is fault1 b x grew s t x c\ld n be conceal$4 ,i spoke ( x to h] confessor1 9 ord] t he might try1 s(tly & artfully to reclaim h] f x2 b in/ead ( pr(it+ by h] director's advice1 %e 0 outrage\s aga9/ me4 ,my "m-9-law1 :o c\ld h>dly be> ! fault ( intemp]ance1 & _h (t5 spok5 to me ab\t x1 n[ jo9$ 9 reproa*+ me & v9dicat+ h]4 ,?is /range creature1 :5 any company came1 w\ld cry out ) all h] might1 t ,i _h di%onor$ h]1 ?r[n h] into despair1 & w\ld be ! cause ( h] damnation1 z ,i 0 tak+ ! ready c\rse to my own4 ,yet ,god gave me an unb\nd$ pati5ce4 ,i answ]$ only ) mildness & *>ity all h] passionate invectives1 giv+ h] besides e possible m>k ( my affection4 ,if any o!r maid came to wait on me1 %e w\ld drive h] back 9 a rage1 cry+ out1 t ,i hat$ h] on acc\nt ( ! affection ) :i* %e _h s]v$ my husb&4 ,:5 %e _h n a m9d to come1 ,i 0 oblig$ to s]ve myself2 & :5 %e did come1 x 0 to *ide me & make a noise4 ,:5 ,i 0 v unwell1 z 0 (t5 ! case1 ?is girl w\ld appe> to be 9 despair4 ,f h5ce ,i ?\ght x 0 f ,!e1 ,o ,"l1 t all ?is came ^u me4 ,)\t ?y p]mission1 %e 0 sc>cely capable ( su* unacc\ntable conduct4 ,%e seem$ n s5sible ( any faults1 b always to ?9k h]self 9 ! "r4 ,all ^? :om ,?\ ha/ made use ( to cause me to suff]1 ?\ght !y 7 r5d]+ s]vice to ,!e 9 s do+4 ,be=e my husb&'s dea?1 ,i w5t to ,p>is on purpose to see ,monsieur ,b]tot1 :o _h be5 ( v little s]vice to me z a director4 ,n kn[+ my /ate1 & ,i be+ incapable ( tell+ him ( x1 he grew we>y ( ! *>ge4 ,at l5g? he gave x up1 & wrote to me to take ano!r director4 ,i made no d\bt b ,god _h reveal$ to him my wick$ /ate2 & ?is des]tion ( me seem$ a mo/ c]ta9 m>k ( my reprobation4 ,?is 0 dur+ ! life ( my husb&4 ,b n[ my r5ew$ solicitations1 & 8 sympa?y ) me on my husb&'s dea?1 prevail$ on him to resume my direction1 :i* to me /ill prov$ ( v little s]vice4 ,i w5t aga9 to ,p>is to see him4 ,:ile !re1 ,i visit$ him twelve or fifte5 times1 )\t be+ able to tell him any?+ ( my condition4 ,i told him1 inde$1 t ,i want$ "s ecclesia/ic to educate my son1 to rid him ( 8 bad habits1 & ( ! wrong impressions he _h conceiv$ aga9/ me4 ,he f\nd "o = me1 ( :om he _h receiv$ v good recomm5dations4 ,i w5t to make a retreat ) ,m4 ,b]tot & ,madame de ,c4 ,all t "t he spoke to me n a qu>t] ( an h\r at mo/4 ,z he saw t ,i said no?+ to him1 = inde$ ,i knew n :at to say1 z ,i _h n spok5 to him ( ! favors :i* ,god _h conf]r$ on me 7n f a desire to conceal !m1 b because ! ,"l did n p]mit me to d x1 z ,he _h ov] me only ! designs ( dea?7 he !re=e spoke to su* z he look$ ^u to be m advanc$ 9 grace4 ,he let me alone z "o = :om !re 0 no?+ to be done4 ,s well did ,god hide f him ! situation ( my s\l1 9 ord] to make me suff]1 t he want$ to ref] me1 ?9k+ t ,i _h n ! _s ( pray]1 & t ,mrs4 ,grang] 0 mi/ak5 :5 %e told him ,i _h4 ,i did :at ,i c\ld to obey him1 b x 0 entirely impossible4 ,on ?is acc\nt ,i 0 displeas$ ) myself1 because ,i believ$ ,m4 ,b]tot r ?an my exp]i5ce4 ,?r\gh ?is :ole retreat my incl9ation1 :i* ,i disc]n$ only by my resi/ance to x1 0 to re/ 9 sil5ce & nak$ness ( ?\ght4 ,9 ! settl+ ( my m9d !re9 ,i fe>$ ,i 0 disobey+ ! ord]s ( my director4 ,?is made me ?9k t ,i _h fall5 f grace4 ,i kept myself 9 a /ate ( no?+ness1 cont5t ) my poor l[ degree ( pray]1 )\t envy+ ! high] degree ( o!rs1 ( :i* ,i judg$ myself unwor?y4 ,i w\ld h1 h[ev]1 desir$ mu* to d ! w ( ,god1 & to please ,him1 b despair$ altoge!r ( ev] atta9+ t desirable end4 ,!re 0 9 ! place :]e ,i liv$1 & _h be5 = "s ye>s1 "o ^: doctr9e 0 suspect$4 ,he possess$ a dignity 9 ! *ur*1 :i* always oblig$ me to h a def]5ce = him4 ,z he und]/ood h[ av]se ,i 0 to all :o 7 suspect$ ( uns\ndness 9 ! fai?1 & kn[+ t ,i _h "s cr$it 9 ! place1 he us$ 8 utmo/ ef=ts to engage me 9 8 s5tim5ts4 ,i answ]$ him ) s mu* cle>ness & en]gy1 t he _h n a ^w to reply4 ,?is increas$ 8 desire to w9 me 9 ord] to d x1 to contract a fri5d%ip = me4 ,he cont9u$ to importune me = two ye>s & a half4 ,z he 0 v polite1 & ( an oblig+ temp]1 & _h a good %>e ( le>n+1 ,i did n mi/ru/ him4 ,i ev5 conceiv$ a hope ( 8 conv]sion1 9 :i* ,i f\nd myself mi/ak54 ,i !n ceas$ go+ ne> him4 ,he came to inquire :y he c\ld see me no m4 ,at t "t he 0 s agreeable to my sick husb&1 9 8 assiduities ab\t him1 t ,i c\ld n avoid him ?\gh ,i ?\ght ! %orte/ & be/ way = me w\ld be break (f all acqua9tance ) him1 :i* ,i did aft] ! dea? ( my husb&4 ,m4 ,b]tot w\ld n p]mit me to d x be=e4 ,:5 he n[ saw t he c\ld n r5ew x1 he & 8 p>ty rais$ up /rong p]secutions aga9/ me4 ,^! g5tlem5 _h at t "t a me?od among !m1 by :i* !y soon knew :o 7 ( _! p>ty1 & :o 7 opposite4 ,!y s5t to "o ano!r circul> lett]s1 by means ( :i*1 9 a v little "t1 !y cri$ me d[n on e side1 aft] a v /range mann]4 ,yet ?is gave me little tr\ble4 ,i 0 glad ( my new lib]ty1 int5d+ nev] aga9 to ent] into an intimacy ) anyone1 :i* w\ld give me s mu* difficulty to break4 ,?is inability ,i 0 n[ 91 ( do+ ^? ext]ior acts ( *>ity ,i _h done be=e1 s]v$ ?is p]son ) a pretext to publi% t x 0 ow+ to him ,i _h =m]ly done !m4 ,will+ to ascribe to himself ! m]it ( :at ,god alone1 by ,8 grace1 _h made me d1 he w5t s f> z to prea* aga9/ me publicly1 z "o :o _h be5 a bright patt]n to ! t[n1 b 0 n[ become a sc&al to x4 ,sev]al times he prea*$ v (f5sive ?+s4 ,?\gh ,i 0 pres5t at ^? s]mons1 & !y 7 en\gh to weigh me d[n ) confusion1 = !y (f5d$ all t he>d !m1 ,i c\ld n be tr\bl$4 ,i c>ri$ 9 myself my own condemnation beyond utt]ance4 ,i ?\ght ,i m]it$ abundantly worse ?an all he c\ld say ( me1 & t1 if all m5 knew me1 !y w\ld trample me "u _! feet4 ,my reputation !n 0 bla/$ by ! indu/ry ( ?is ecclesia/ic4 ,he caus$ all su* z pass$ = p]sons ( piety to decl>e aga9/ me4 ,i ?\ght he & !y 7 9 ! "r & !re=e quietly bore x all4 ,confus$ l a crim9al t d>es n lift up 8 eyes1 ,i look$ ^u ! virtue ( o!rs ) respect4 ,i saw no fault 9 o!rs & no virtue 9 myself4 ,:5 any happ5$ to praise me1 x 0 l a heavy bl[ /ruck at me1 & ,i said 9 myself1 ,!y little "k my mis]ies1 & f :at /ate ,i h fall54 ,:5 any blam$ me1 ,i agre$ to x1 z "r & j4 ,nature want$ sometimes to get out ( su* an abject condition1 b c\ld n f9d any way4 ,if ,i tri$ to make an outw>d appe>ance ( righte\sness1 by ! practice ( "s good ?+1 my he>t 9 secret rebuk$ me z guilty ( hypocrisy1 9 want+ to appe> :at ,i 0 n2 & ,god did n p]mit t to succe$4 ,oh1 h[ excell5t are ! crosses ( ,provid5ce6 ,all o!r crosses are ( no value4 ,i 0 (t5 v ill & 9 dang] ( dea?1 & knew n h[ to prep>e myself = x4 ,sev]al p]sons ( piety1 :o _h be5 acqua9t$ ) me1 wrote to me ab\t ^? ?+s :i* ! g5tleman spread ab\t me4 ,i did n (f] to ju/ify myself1 al?\gh ,i knew myself innoc5t ( ! ?+s :]e( !y accus$ me4 ,"o day be+ 9 ! greate/ desolation & di/ress1 ,i op5$ ! ,new ,te/am5t on ^! words1 ,my grace is suffici5t = !e1 = my /r5g? is made p]fect 9 weakness4 ,t = a little "t gave me "s relief4 ,,*apt] #bd ,! ,"l took f me all ! s5sibility :i* ,i _h = ! creatures1 or ?+s creat$1 ev5 9 an in/ant1 z "o takes (f a robe4 ,aft] t "t ,i _h none = any :atsoev]4 ,?\gh ,he _h done me t favor1 = :i* ,i c nev] be suffici5tly grateful1 ,i 01 h[ev]1 nei!r m cont5t$ nor less confus$ by x4 ,my ,god seem$ to be s e/rang$ & displeas$ ) me1 t !re rema9$ no?+ b ! grief ( hav+ lo/ ,8 bless$ pres5ce ?r\gh my fault4 ,! loss ( my reputation e day increas+1 became s5sible to my he>t1 ?\gh ,i 0 n all[$ to ju/ify or bewail myself4 ,z ,i became always m impot5t = e k9d ( ext]ior works1 z ,i c\ld n g to see ! poor1 nor /ay at *ur*1 nor practice pray]2 z ,i became cold] t[>d ,god1 9 proportion z ,i 0 m s5sible ( my wrong /eps1 all ?is de/roy$ me ! m bo? 9 my own eyes & 9 ^? ( o!rs4 ,!re 7 "s v consid]able g5tlem5 :o made proposals = me1 & ev5 su* p]sons z accord+ to ! rules ( fa%ion ought n to ?9k ( me4 ,!y pres5t$ !mselves dur+ ! v dep? ( my outw>d & inw>d desolation4 ,at fir/ x appe>$ to me a means ( draw+ me out ( ! di/ress ,i 0 94 ,b x seem$ to me !n not)/&+ my pa9s ( body & m9d1 t if a k+ _h pres5t$ himself to me1 ,i w\ld h refus$ him ) pleasure1 to %[ !e1 ,o my ,god1 t ) all my mis]ies ,i 0 resolv$ to be ?9e alone4 ,if ,?\ w\ld/ n accept ( me1 ,i %\ld at lea/ h ! consolation ( hav+ be5 fai?ful to ,!e to ! utmo/ ( my p[]4 ,= z to my inw>d /ate1 ,i nev] m5tion$ x to anybody4 ,i nev] spoke !re(1 nor ( ! suitors1 ?\gh my "m-9-law w\ld say t if ,i did n m>ry1 x 0 because none w\ld h me4 ,x 0 suffici5t = me t ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 knewe/ t ,i sacrific$ !m to ,!e1 7)\t say+ a ^w to anybody7 especially "o ^: high bir? & amiable ext]ior qualities might h tempt$ bo? my vanity & incl9ation4 ,oh1 c\ld ,i b h hop$1 to become agreeable to ,!e1 su* a hope w\ld h be5 l a *ange f ,hell to ,heav54 ,s f> 0 ,i f presum+ to hope = x1 t ,i fe>$ ?is sea ( affliction might also be foll[$ by ev]la/+ mis]y1 9 ! loss ( ,!e4 ,i d>$ n ev5 desire to enjoy ,!e--,i only desir$ n to (f5d ,!e4 ,i 0 = five or six weeks at ! la/ extremity4 ,i c\ld n take any n\ri%m5t4 ,a spoonful ( bro? made me fa9t4 ,my voice 0 s gone1 t :5 !y put _! e>s close to my m\?1 !y c\ld sc>cely di/+ui% my words4 ,i c\ld n see any hope ( salvation1 yet 0 n unwill+ to die4 ,i bore a /rong impression t ! long] ,i liv$ ! m ,i w\ld s94 ,( ! two1 ,i ?\ght ,i w\ld r *oose ,hell ?an s94 ,all ! good1 :i* ,god made me d1 n[ seem$ to me evil or full ( faults4 ,all my pray]s1 p5ances1 alms & *>ities1 seem$ to rise up aga9/ me1 & height5 my condemnation4 ,i ?\ght !re appe>$ on ! side ( ,god1 on my own1 & f all creatures1 "o g5]al condemnation1 my consci5ce 0 a witness aga9/ me1 :i* ,i c\ld n appease4 ,:at may appe> /range1 ! s9s ( my y\? did n !n give me any pa9 at all4 ,!y did n rise up 9 judgm5t aga9/ me1 b !re appe>$ "o univ]sal te/imony aga9/ all ! good ,i _h done1 & all ! s5tim5ts ( evil ,i _h ent]ta9$4 ,if ,i w5t to confessors1 ,i c\ld tell !m no?+ ( my condition4 ,if ,i c\ld h told !m1 !y w\ld h n und]/ood me4 ,!y w\ld h reg>d$ z em95t virtues1 :at1 ,o my ,god1 ?y eyes all pure & *a/e reject$ z infidelity4 ,x 0 !n t ,i felt ! tru? ( :at ,?\ ha/ said1 t ,?\ judge/ our righte\sness4 ,oh1 h[ pure art ?\6 ,:o c compreh5d x8 ,x 0 !n t ,i turn$ my eyes on e side1 to see :at way succor might come to me2 b my succor c\ld come no way b f ,him :o made ,heav5 & e>?4 ,z ,i saw !re 0 no safety = me1 or spiritual heal? 9 myself1 ,i ent]$ into a secret complac5cy 9 see+ no good 9 myself :]eon to re/1 or presume = salvation4 ,! ne>] my de/ruction appe>$1 ! m ,i f\nd 9 ,god ,himself1 :]e) to augm5t my tru/ & confid5ce1 not)/&+ ,he seem$ s ju/ly irritat$ aga9/ me4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i _h 9 ,jesus ,*ri/ all t 0 want+ 9 myself4 ,oh1 ye /\t & righte\s m56 ,obs]ve z mu* z ye please ( excell5ce 9 :at ye h done to ! glory ( ,god4 ,z = me1 ,i only glory 9 my infirmities1 s9ce !y h m]it$ = me su* a ,savi\r6 ,all my tr\bles1 jo9$ to ! loss ( my reputation1 :i* yet 0 n s great z ,i appreh5d$1 7x be+ only among a p>ty7 r5d]$ me s unable to eat1 t x seem$ wond]ful h[ ,i liv$4 ,9 f\r days ,i did n eat z mu* z w\ld make "o v mod]ate repa/4 ,i 0 oblig$ to keep my b$ ?r\gh m]e weakness1 my body be+ no long] able to support ! burd5 laid ^u x4 ,if ,i _h ?\ght1 kn[n1 or he>d tell1 t !re _h ev] be5 su* a /ate z m9e1 x w\ld h exce$+ly reliev$ me4 ,my v pa9 appe>$ to me to be s94 ,spiritual books1 :5 ,i tri$ to read !m1 all contribut$ only to augm5t x4 ,i saw 9 myself none ( ^? /ates :i* !y set d[n4 ,i did n s mu* z compreh5d !m4 ,& :5 !y treat$ ! pa9s ( c]ta9 /ates1 ,i 0 v f> f attribut+ any ( !m to myself4 ,i said to myself1 ,^! p]sons feel ! pa9s ( div9e op]ations2 b z to me1 ,i s91 & feel no?+ b my own wick$ /ate4 ,i c\ld h wi%$ to sep>ate ! s9 f ! confusion ( s91 & provid$ ,i _h n (f5d$ ,god1 all w\ld h be5 easy to me4 ,a slight sket* ( my la/ mis]ies1 :i* ,i am glad to let y "k1 because 9 _! beg9n+ ,i omitt$ _m infidelities1 hav+ _h too mu* ( an e>ne/ atta*m5t1 va9 complaisance1 unpr(itable & t$i\s conv]sations1 ?\gh self-love & nature made a sort ( necessity = !m2 b t[>d ! latt] "p ,i c\ld n h borne a spee* too human1 nor ! lea/ ?+ ( ! k9d4 ,,*apt] #be ,! fir/ religi\s p]son t ,god made use ( to draw me to ,himself1 to :om 7accord+ to 8 desire7 ,i _h writt5 f "t to "t1 wrote to me 9 ! dep? ( my di/ress1 desir+ me to write to him no m1 signify+ 8 disapprobation ( :at came f me1 & t ,i displeas$ ,god greatly4 ,a fa!r1 a ,jesuit1 :o _h e/eem$ me mu*1 wrote to me 9 l mann]4 ,no d\bt1 x 0 by ,?y p]mission1 !y ?us contribut$ to complete my desolation4 ,i ?ank$ !m = _! *>ity1 & comm5d$ myself to _! pray]s4 ,x 0 !n s indiff]5t to me to be decri$ ( ev]ybody1 ev5 ( ! greate/ sa9ts1 t x add$ b little to my pa94 ,! pa9 ( displeas+ ,god1 & ! /rong prop5sity ,i felt 9 myself to all sorts ( faults1 caus$ me mo/ lively & s5sible pa94 ,i _h be5 accu/om$ f ! beg9n+ to dryness & privation4 ,i ev5 pref]r$ x to ! /ate ( ab\nd+1 because ,i knew t ,i mu/ seek ,god above all4 ,i _h ev5 at ! fir/ beg9n+s1 an in/9ct ( my inmo/ s\l to pass ov] e mann] ( ?+ :atsoev]1 & to leave ! gifts to run aft] ! ,giv]4 ,b at ?is "t my _s & s5ses 7 9 su* a mann] /ruck1 by ,?y p]mission1 ,o my ,"l1 :o w]t pleas$ to de/roy me )\t m]cy1 t ! f>!r ,i w5t1 ! m ev]y?+ appe>$ to me a s92 ev5 crosses appe>$ to me no m crosses b real faults4 ,i ?\ght ,i drew !m all on myself by my imprud5t words & actions1 ,i 0 l ^?1 :o1 look+ ?r\gh a color$ glass1 behold ev]y?+ ( ! same color ) :i* x is /a9$4 ,_h ,i be5 able to p]=m any ext]ior acts z =m]ly1 or p5ances = my evil1 x w\ld h reliev$ me4 ,i 0 =bidd5 to d ! latt]1 besides ,i grew s timor\s1 & felt 9 myself su* a weakness1 z made x appe> impossible = me to d !m4 ,i look$ on !m ) horror1 ,i f\nd myself n[ s weak & incapable ( any?+ ( ! k9d4 ,i omit _m ?+s1 bo? ( provid5ces ( ! ,"l 9 my favor1 & ( rugg$ pa?s ?r\gh :i* ,i 0 oblig$ to pass4 ,b z ,i h only "o g5]al view1 ,i leave !m 9 ! k ( ! ,"l only4 ,aft]w>d1 be+ =sak5 ( my director1 ! coldness t[>d me :i* ,i rem>k$ 9 ! p]sons conduct$ by him1 gave me no m tr\ble1 nor inde$ ! e/rangem5t ( all ! creatures1 on acc\nt ( my inw>d humiliation4 ,my bro!r also jo9$ ) ^? :o exclaim$ aga9/ me1 ev5 ?\gh he _h nev] se5 !m be=e4 ,i believe x 0 ! ,"l :o conduct$ ?+s 9 ?is way1 = my bro!r has wor?1 & und\bt$ly ?\ght he did well 9 act+ ?us4 ,i 0 oblig$ to g ab\t "s bus9ess to a t[n :]e "s ne> relations ( my "m-9-law liv$4 ,h[ did ,i f9d ?+s *ang$ !re6 ,:5 ,i 0 !re be=e1 !y ent]ta9$ me 9 a mo/ elegant & oblig+ mann]1 regal+ me f h\se to h\se ) emulation4 ,n[ !y treat$ me ) ! utmo/ contempt1 say+1 !y did x to rev5ge :at ,i made _! relation suff]4 ,z ,i saw ! ?+ w5t s f>1 & t not)/&+ all my c>e & endeavors to please h]1 ,i _h n be5 able to succe$1 ,i resolv$ to come to an explanation ) h]4 ,i told h] t !re 0 a curr5t report t ,i treat$ h] ill1 ?\gh ,i made x my /udy to give h] e m>k ( my e/eem4 ,if ! report 7 true1 ,i desir$ h] to all[ me to remove f h]2 = t ,i w\ld n *oose to /ay to give h] pa91 b only ) a q contr>y view4 ,%e answ]$ v coldly1 ,i might d :at ,i w\ld2 = %e _h n spok5 ab\t x1 b 0 resolv$ to live ap>t f me4 ,?is 0 fairly giv+ me my dis*>ge1 & ,i ?\ght ( tak+ my measures privately to retire4 ,z ,i _h n1 s9ce my wid[hood1 made any visits b su* z 7 ( pure necessity1 or *>ity1 !re 7 f\nd too _m discont5t$ spirits1 :o made a p>ty ) h] aga9/ me4 ,! ,"l requir$ ( me an inviolable secrecy ( all my pa9s1 bo? ext]ior & int]ior4 ,!re is no?+ :i* makes nature die s mu*1 z to f9d nei!r support nor consolation4 ,9 %ort ,i saw myself oblig$ to g out1 9 ! middle ( w9t]1 ) my *ildr5 & my daught]s' nurse4 ,at t "t !re 0 no h\se empty 9 ! t[n1 s ! ,b5$ict9es (f]$ me an ap>tm5t 9 !irs4 ,i 0 n[ 9 a great /rait2 on "o side fe>+ le/ ,i 0 %unn+ ! cross1 on ! o!r side ?9k+ x unreasonable to impose my /ay on "o to :om x 0 only pa9ful4 ,besides :at ,i h relat$ ( h] behavior1 :i* /ill cont9u$1 :5 ,i w5t into ! c\ntry to take a little repose %e compla9$ t ,i left h] alone4 ,if ,i desir$ h] to come ?i!r %e w\ld n4 ,if ,i said1 ,i d>e n ask h] to come1 = fe> ( incommod+ h] by *ang+ h] b$1 %e repli$1 ,x 0 only an excuse1 because ,i w\ld n h h] g2 & t ,i only w5t to be away f h]4 ,:5 ,i he>d t %e 0 displeas$ at my be+ 9 ! c\ntry1 ,i return$ to ! t[n4 ,!n %e c\ld n be> to speak to me1 or to see me4 ,i acco/$ h] )\t appe>+ to notice h[ %e receiv$ x4 ,in/ead ( mak+ me any answ]1 %e turn$ h] head ano!r way4 ,i (t5 s5t h] my coa*1 desir+ h] to come & sp5d a day 9 ! c\ntry4 ,%e s5t x back empty1 )\t any answ]4 ,if ,i pass$ "s days !re )\t s5d+ x1 %e compla9$ al\d4 ,9 %ort1 all ,i did to please h] s\r$ h]1 ,god s p]mitt+ x4 ,%e _h 9 ! ma9 a good he>t1 b 0 tr\bl$ ) an uneasy temp]3 & ,i d n fail to ?9k myself "u mu* obligation to h]4 ,be+ ) h] on ,*ri/mas day1 ,i said to h] ) mu* affection3 ,my "m1 on ?is day 0 ! ,k+ ( peace born1 to br+ x to u2 ,i beg peace ( y 9 ,8 "n4 ,i ?9k t t\*$ h]1 ?\gh %e w\ld n let x appe>4 ,! ecclesia/ic1 :om ,i _h met ) at home1 f> f /r5g!n+ & com=t+ me1 did no?+ b weak5 & afflict me1 tell+ me t ,i ought n to suff] c]ta9 ?+s4 ,i _h n cr$it en\gh to dis*>ge any dome/ic1 h[ev] defective or culpable4 ,z soon z any ( !m 7 w>n$ to g away1 %e sid$ ) !m1 & all h] fri5ds int]f]$4 ,z ,i 0 ready to g (f1 "o ( my "m-9-law's fri5ds1 a man ( wor?1 :o _h always an e/eem = me1 )\t d>+ to %[ x1 hav+ he>d x1 0 mu* afraid le/ ,i %\ld leave ! t[n2 = ! removal ( my alms1 he ?\ght1 w\ld be a loss to ! c\ntry4 ,he resolv$ to speak to my "m-9-law 9 ! s(te/ mann] he c\ld = he knew h]4 ,aft] he _h spok5 to h]1 %e said1 t %e w\ld n put me away1 b if ,i w5t1 %e w\ld n h9d] me4 ,aft] ?is he came to see me1 & desir$ me to g & make an excuse to h]1 9 ord] to cont5t h]4 ,i told him1 ,i %\ld be will+ to make a hundr$1 al?\gh ,i did n "k ab\t :at2 t ,i did x cont9ually ab\t ev]y?+1 :i* made h] uneasy4 ,b t 0 n n[ ! matt]1 = ,i make no compla9t ( h]1 b ?\ght x n prop] = me to cont9ue ) h]1 to give h] pa92 t x 0 b j t ,i %\ld contribute to h] ease4 ,h[ev]1 he w5t ) me into h] room4 ,!n ,i told h]1 t ,i begg$ h] p>don1 if ev] ,i _h displeas$ h] 9 any?+1 t x _h nev] be5 my int5tion to d x2 t ,i desir$ h]1 be=e ?is g5tleman1 :o 0 h] fri5d1 to tell me :]e9 ,i _h giv5 h] any (f5se4 ,"h ,god p]mitt$2 %e made a decl>ation ( ! tru? 9 8 pres5ce4 ,%e said1 ,%e 0 n a p]son to suff] h]self to be (f5d$2 t %e _h no o!r compla9t aga9/ me b t ,i did n love h]1 & t ,i wi%$ h] dead4 ,i answ]$ h] t ^! ?\ghts 7 f> f my he>t1 s f> f x1 t ,i %\ld be glad1 by my be/ c>e & att5dance on h]1 to prolong h] days2 t my affection 0 real1 b t %e nev] w\ld be p]suad$ to believe x1 :atev] te/imonies ,i c\ld give1 s long z %e he>k5$ to p :o spoke to h] aga9/ me2 t %e _h ) h] a maid1 :o1 f> f %[+ me any respect1 treat$ me ill1 s f> z to pu% me :5 %e want$ to pass by4 ,%e _h done x at *ur*1 mak+ me give way to h] ) z mu* viol5ce z contempt1 sev]al times1 also1 9 my room grat+ me ) h] words3 t ,i _h nev] compla9$ ( x1 because su* a temp] might "o day give h] tr\ble4 ,%e took ! girl's "p4 ,nev]!less we embrac$ & x 0 left s4 ,soon aft]1 :5 ,i 0 9 ! c\ntry1 ?is maid1 hav+ me no m to v5t h] *agr9s on behav$ 9 su* a mann] to my "m-9-law t %e c\ld n be> x4 ,%e imm$iately put h] out ( doors4 ,i mu/ say "h on my "m-9-law's behalf1 t %e _h bo? s5se & virtue1 & except c]ta9 faults1 :i* p]sons :o d n practice pray] are liable to1 %e _h good qualities4 ,p]haps ,i caus$ crosses to h] )\t int5d+ x1 & %e to me )\t kn[+ x4 ,i hope :at ,i write w n be se5 by any :o may be (f5d$ ) x1 or :o may n be 9 a condition to see ^! matt]s 9 ,god4 ,t g5tleman :o _h us$ me s ill1 = break+ (f my acqua9tance ) him1 among 8 p5it5ts _h "o :o1 = affairs :i* befell h] husb&1 0 oblig$ to quit ! c\ntry4 ,he himself 0 accus$ ( ! same ?+s :i* he _h s lib]ally & unju/ly accus$ me1 & ev5 ?+s mu* worse1 & ) m noise & outcry4 ,?\gh ,i well knew all ?is1 ,god grant$ me ! favor nev] to make 8 d[nfall ! subject ( my disc\rse4 ,on ! contr>y1 :5 any spoke to me ( x1 ,i piti$ him1 & said :at ,i c\ld 9 mitigation ( 8 case4 ,& ,god gov]n$ my he>t s well1 t x nev] (f]$ to g into any va9 joy at see+ him ov]tak51 & oppress$1 ) ^? k9d ( evils :i* he _h be5 s assidu\s 9 endeavor+ to br+ ^u me4 ,?\gh ,i knew t my "m-9-law 0 in=m$ ( x all1 ,i nev] spoke to h] ab\t x1 or ab\t ! sad confusions he _h caus$ 9 a c]ta9 family4 ,,*apt] #bf ,"o day dur+ my husb&'s lifetime1 lad5 ) sorr[1 n kn[+ :at to d1 ,i wi%$ to speak to a p]son ( di/9ction1 & m]it1 :o came (t5 into ! c\ntry4 ,i wrote to reque/ an opportunity ) him1 = t ,i want$ 8 in/ruction & advice4 ,b soon aft] ,i felt remorse = x2 ?is voice spoke 9 my he>t1 ,:at1--do/ ?\ seek = ease1 & to %ake (f my yoke8 ,h]eupon ,i in/antly s5t a note aga9 to desire him to excuse me1 add+ t :at ,i _h writt5 0 only f self-love1 n necessity2 t z he knew :at x 0 to be fai?ful to ,god1 ,i hop$ he w\ld n disapprove my act+ ) ?is ,*ri/ian simplicity4 ,yet he res5t$ x1 :i* surpris$ me mu*1 z ,i _h conceiv$ a high idea ( 8 virtue4 ,virtues he _h1 b su* z are full ( ! life & activities ( nature1 & unacqua9t$ ) ! pa?s ( mortification & dea?4 ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 ha/ be5 my conductor ev5 9 ^! pa?s1 z ) admiration ,i h discov]$ s9ce !y are pa/4 ,bless$ be ,?y "n =ev]4 ,i am oblig$ to be> ?is te/imony to ,?y goodness4 ,be=e ,i cont9ue my n>ration1 ,i mu/ add "o rem>k1 :i* ! ,"l gave me to make ^u ! way by :i* ,he1 9 ,8 goodness1 0 pleas$ to conduct me2 :i* is1 t ?is obscure pa? is ! sure/ to mortify ! s\l1 z x leaves x n any prop to lean ^u = support4 ,?\gh x has no application to any p>ticul> /ate ( ,jesus ,*ri/2 yet1 at its com+ out1 x f9ds itself clo!d ) all ,8 dispositions4 ,! impure & selfi% s\l1 is h]eby purifi$1 z gold 9 ! furnace4 ,full ( its own judgm5t & its own w be=e1 b n[ obeys l a *ild & f9ds no o!r w 9 itself4 ,be=e1 x w\ld h conte/$ = a trifle2 n[ x yields at once1 n ) reluctance & pa9 by way ( practic+ virtue1 b z x 7 naturally4 ,its own vices are vani%$4 ,?is creature s va9 be=e n[ loves no?+ b pov]ty1 littl5ess & humiliation4 ,be=e1 x pref]r$ itself above ev]ybody2 n[ ev]ybody above itself1 hav+ a b\ndless *>ity = its neighbor1 to be> ) 8 faults & weaknesses1 9 ord] to w9 him by love1 :i* be=e x c\ld n d b ) v great con/ra9t4 ,! rage ( ! wolf is *ang$ to ! meekness ( ! lamb4 ,dur+ all ! "t ( my exp]i5c+ my mis]ies & my deep trials1 ,i w5t aft] no f9e sights or recreations4 ,i want$ to see & "k no?+ b ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,my closet 0 my only div]sion4 ,ev5 :5 ! que5 0 ne> me1 :om ,i _h nev] se51 & :om ,i _h desire en\gh to see2 ,i _h only to op5 my eyes1 & look out to see h]2 yet did n d x4 ,i _h be5 fond ( he>+ o!rs s+2 yet ,i 0 once f\r days ) "o :o pass$ = ! f9e/ voice 9 ! _w1 )\t ev] desir+ h] to s+2 :i* surpris$ h]1 because %e 0 n ignorant t1 kn[+ h] "n1 ,i mu/ "k ! *>m+ excell5ce ( h] voice4 ,h[ev]1 ,i committ$ "s infidelities1 9 inquir+ :at o!rs said ( me by way ( blame4 ,i met ) "o :o told me ev]y?+4 ,?\gh ,i %[$ no?+ ( x1 x s]v$ only to mortify me4 ,i saw ,i 0 yet too mu* alive to self4 ,i %all nev] be able to express ! numb] ( my mis]ies4 ,!y are s va/ly surm\nt$ by ! fav\rs ( ,god1 & s swall[$ up 9 ^! t ,i c see !m no m4 ,"o ( ! ?+s :i* gave me mo/ pa9 9 ! sev5 ye>s ,i h spok5 (1 especially ! la/ five1 0 s /range a folly ( my imag9ation t x gave me no re/4 ,my s5ses bore x company4 ,i c\ld no m %ut my eyes at *ur*4 ,?us hav+ all ! gates & av5ues op51 ,i 0 l a v9ey>d expos$1 because ! h$ges :i* ! fa!r ( ! family _h plant$ 7 torn away4 ,i saw e "o t came & w5t1 & ev]y?+ t pass$ 9 ! *ur*4 ,= ! same =ce1 :i* _h drawn me inw>d to recollection1 seem$ to pu% me outw>d to dissipation4 ,lad5 ) mis]ies1 weigh$ d[n ) oppressions1 & cru%$ "u cont9ual crosses1 ,i ?\ght ( no?+ b end+ my days ?us4 ,!re rema9$ 9 me n ! lea/ hope ( ev] em]g+4 ,not)/&+1 ,i ?\ght ,i _h lo/ grace =ev]1 & ! salvation :i* x m]its = u1 ,i long$ at lea/ to d :at ,i c\ld = ,god1 ?\gh ,i fe>$ ,i %\ld nev] love ,him4 ,see+ ! happy /ate f :5ce ,i _h fall51 ,i wi%$ 9 gratitude to s]ve ,him1 ?\gh ,i look$ on myself z a victim doom$ to de/ruction4 ,sometimes ! view ( t happy p]iod caus$ secret desires to spr+ up 9 my he>t1 ( recov]+ x aga94 ,i 0 in/antly reject$ & ?r[n back into ! dep? ( ! abyss2 ,i judg$ myself to be 9 a /ate :i* 0 due to unfai?ful s\ls4 ,i seem$1 my ,god1 z if ,i 0 =ev] ca/ (f f ,?y reg>d1 & f t ( all creatures4 ,by degrees my /ate ceas$ to be pa9ful4 ,i became ev5 ins5sible to x1 & my ins5sibility seem$ l ! f9al h>d5+ ( my reprobation4 ,my coldness appe>$ to me a mortal coldness4 ,x 0 truly s1 ,o my ,god1 s9ce ,i ?us di$ to self1 9 ord] to live :olly 9 ,!e1 & 9 ?y preci\s love4 ,to resume my hi/ory1 a s]vant ( m9e want$ to become a ,b>nabite4 ,i wrote ab\t x to ,fa!r de la ,mo!4 ,he answ]$ me1 t ,i mu/ address ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o 0 !n ! sup]ior ( ! ,b>nabites ( ,tonon4 ,t oblig$ me to write to him4 ,i _h always pres]v$ secret respect & e/eem = him1 z "o "u grace4 ,i 0 glad ( ?is opportunity ( recomm5d+ myself to 8 pray]s4 ,i wrote to him ab\t my fall f ! grace ( ,god1 t ,i _h requit$ ,8 favors ) ! blacke/ +ratitude2 t ,i 0 mis]able1 & a subject wor?y ( compassion2 & f> f hav+ advanc$ t[>d ,god1 ,i 0 become entirely ali5at$ f ,him4 ,he answ]$ 9 su* a mann]1 z if he _h kn[n1 by a sup]natural light1 ! frightful description ,i _h giv5 ( myself4 ,9 ! mid/ ( my mis]ies1 ,g5eva came into my m9d1 a s+ul> mann]1 :i* caus$ me _m fe>s4 ,:at1 said ,i1 to complete my reprobation1 %all ,i g to su* an excess ( impiety1 z to quit ! fai? ?r\gh apo/acy8 7,! inhabitants ( ,g5eva be+ g5]ally ,prote/ant ,calv9i/s47 ,am ,i !n ab\t quitt+ t *ur*1 = :i* ,i w\ld give a ?\s& lives8 ,or1 %all ,i ev] dep>t f t fai? :i* ,i w\ld ev5 wi% to seal ) my blood8 ,i _h su* a di/ru/ ( myself1 t ,i d>$ hope = no?+1 b _h a ?\s& reasons = fe>4 ,nev]!less ! lett] :i* ,i _h receiv$ f ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 9 :i* he wrote me an acc\nt ( 8 pres5t disposition1 some:at simil> to m9e1 _h su* an effect1 z to re/ore peace & calmness to my m9d4 ,i felt myself inw>dly unit$ to him1 z to a p]son ( great fidelity to ! grace ( ,god4 ,aft]w>d a woman appe>$ to me 9 a dream to be come d[n f ,heav51 to tell me t ,god dem&$ me at ,g5eva4 ,ab\t eight or t5 days be=e ,magdal5e's day1 #afhj1 x came into my m9d to write to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 & to reque/ him1 if he receiv$ my lett] be=e t day1 to pray p>ticul>ly = me4 ,x 0 s ord]$1 contr>y ev5 to my expectations1 t he receiv$ my lett] on ,/4 ,magdal5e's eve1 & :5 pray+ = me ! next day1 x 0 said to him1 ?rice ov]1 ) mu* p[]1 ,ye %all bo? dwell 9 "o & ! same place4 ,he 0 v mu* surpris$1 z he nev] _h receiv$ int]ior words be=e4 ,i believe1 ,o my ,god1 t t has be5 mu* m v]ifi$1 bo? 9 our inw>d s5se & exp]i5ce1 & 9 ! same crucify+ ev5ts :i* h befall5 u1 pretty mu* alike2 & 9 ,?yself1 :o art our dwell+1 ?an 9 any temporal abode4 ,,*apt] #bg ,on t happy ,magdal5e's ,day my s\l 0 p]fectly deliv]$ f all its pa9s4 ,x _h already begun s9ce ! receipt ( ! fir/ lett] f ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 to recov] a new life4 ,x 0 !n only l t ( a dead p]son rais$1 ?\gh n yet unb\nd f grave clo!s4 ,on ?is day ,i 01 z x 71 9 p]fect life1 & set :olly at lib]ty4 ,i f\nd myself z mu* rais$ above nature1 z be=e ,i _h be5 depress$ "u its burd54 ,i 0 inexpressibly ov]joy$ to f9d ,him1 :om ,i ?\ght ,i _h lo/ =ev]1 return$ to me aga9 ) unspeakable magnific5ce & purity4 ,x 0 !n1 ,o ,god1 t ,i f\nd aga9 9 ,!e ) new advantages1 9 an ineffable mann]1 all ,i _h be5 depriv$ (2 ! peace ,i n[ possess$ 0 all holy1 heav5ly & inexpressible4 ,all ,i _h enjoy$ be=e 0 only a peace1 a gift ( ,god1 b n[ ,i receiv$ & possess$ ! ,god ( peace4 ,yet ! remembrance ( my pa/ mis]ies /ill br\ght a fe> ^u me1 le/ nature %\ld f9d means to take to itself any "p !re94 ,z soon z x want$ to see or ta/e any?+1 ! ,_s ev] wat*ful cross$ & repell$ x4 ,i 0 f> f elevat+ myself1 or attribut+ to myself any?+ ( ?is new /ate4 ,my exp]i5ce made me s5sible ( :at ,i 04 ,i hop$ ,i %\ld enjoy ?is happy /ate = "s "t1 b little did ,i ?9k my happ9ess s great & immutable z x 04 ,if "o may judge ( a good by ! tr\ble :i* prec$es x1 ,i leave m9e to be judg$ ( by ! sorr[s ,i _h und]gone be=e my atta9+ x4 ,! apo/le ,paul tells u1 t ! suff]+s ( ?is life are n to be comp>$ ) ! glory t is prep>$ = u4 ,h[ true is t ( ?is life6 ,"o day ( ?is happ9ess 0 wor? m ?an ye>s ( suff]+4 ,x 0 inde$1 at t "t well wor? all ,i _h und]gone1 ?\gh x 0 !n only dawn+4 ,an alacrity = do+ good 0 re/or$ to me1 great] ?an ev]4 ,x seem$ to me all q free & natural to me4 ,at ! beg9n+1 ?is lib]ty 0 less ext5sive2 b z ,i advanc$ x grew great]4 ,i _h occasion to see ,mon4 ,b]tot = a few mom5ts1 & told him1 ,i ?\ght my /ate mu* *ang$4 ,he1 seem+ly att5tive to some?+ else1 answ]$1 ,no4 ,i believ$ him2 because grace taught me to pref] ! judgm5t ( o!rs1 & r believe !m ?an my own op9ions or exp]i5ce4 ,?is did n give me any k9d ( tr\ble4 ,e /ate seem$ equally indiff]5t if ,i only _h ! favor ( ,god4 ,i felt a k9d ( beatitude e day increas+ 9 me4 ,i did all sorts ( good1 )\t selfi%ness or prem$itation4 ,:5ev] a self-reflective ?\ght 0 pres5t$ to my m9d1 x 0 in/antly reject$1 & z x 7 a curta9 9 ! s\l drawn be=e x4 ,my imag9ation 0 kept s fix$1 t ,i _h n[ v little tr\ble on t4 ,i wond]$ at ! cle>ness ( my m9d & ! purity ( my :ole he>t4 ,i receiv$ a lett] f ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :]e9 he wrote t ,god _h discov]$ to him t he _h great designs 9 reg>d to me4 ,let !m be1 !n said ,i to myself1 ei!r ( ju/ice or m]cy1 all is equal to me4 ,i /ill _h ,g5eva deeply at he>t2 b said no?+ ( x to anybody1 wait+ = ,god to make kn[n to me ,8 all p[]ful w & fe>+ le/ any /ratagem ( ! ,devil %\ld be conceal$ !re91 t might t5d to draw me out ( my prop] place1 or /eal me out ( my condition4 ,! m ,i saw my own mis]y1 incapacity & no?+ness1 ! pla9] x appe>$ t !y r5d]$ me fitt] = ! designs ( ,god1 :atev] !y might be4 ,oh1 my ,"l1 said ,i1 take ! weak & ! wret*$ to d ?y works1 t ,?\ maye/ h all ! glory & t man may attribute no?+ ( !m to himself4 ,if ,?\ %\ld/ take a p]son ( em95ce & great tal5ts1 "o might attribute to him some?+2 b if ,?\ take/ me1 x w be manife/ t ?\ alone art ! ,au?or ( :atev] good %all be done4 ,i cont9u$ quiet 9 my _s1 leav+ ! :ole affair to ,god1 be+ satisfi$1 if ,he %\ld require any?+ ( me1 t ,he w\ld furni% me ) ! means ( p]=m+ x4 ,i held myself 9 read9ess ) a full resolution to execute ,8 ord]s1 :5ev] he %\ld make !m kn[n1 ?\gh x 7 to ! lay+ d[n ( my life4 ,i 0 releas$ f all crosses4 ,i resum$ my c>e ( ! sick1 & dress+ ( w\nds1 & ,god gave me to cure ! mo/ desp]ate4 ,:5 surgeons c\ld d no m1 x 0 !n t ,god made me cure !m4 ,oh1 ! joy t accompani$ me ev]y:]e1 f9d+ /ill ,him :o _h unit$ me to ,himself1 9 ,8 own imm5sity & b\ndless va/itude6 ,oh1 h[ truly did ,i exp]i5ce :at ,he said 9 ! ,gospel1 by ! f\r evangeli/s1 & by "o ( !m twice ov]1 ,:osoev] w lose 8 life = my sake %all f9d x2 & :osoev] w save 8 life %all lose x4 ,:5 ,i _h lo/ all creat$ supports1 & ev5 div9e ones1 ,i !n f\nd myself happily compell$ to fall into ! pure div9e1 & to fall into x ?r\gh all ^? v ?+s :i* seem$ to remove me fur!r f x4 ,9 los+ all ! gifts1 ) all _! supports1 ,i f\nd ! ,giv]4 ,9 los+ ! s5se & p]ception ( ,!e 9 myself--,i f\nd ,!e1 ,o my ,god1 to lose ,!e no m 9 ,?yself1 9 ,?y own immutability4 ,oh1 poor creatures1 :o pass all y\r "t 9 fe$+ ^u ! gifts ( ,god1 & ?9k !re9 to be ! mo/ favor$ & happy4 ,h[ ,i pity y if y /op "h1 %ort ( ! true re/1 & cease to g =w>d to ,god ,himself1 ?r\gh ! loss ( ^? *]i%$ gifts :i* y n[ delight 96 ,h[ _m pass all _! lives 9 ?is way1 & ?9k highly ( !mselves6 ,!re are o!rs :o1 be+ call$ ( ,god to die to !mselves1 yet pass all _! "t 9 a dy+ life1 9 inw>d agonies1 )\t ev] ent]+ into ,god ?r\gh dea? & a total loss ( self1 because !y are always will+ to reta9 some?+ "u plausible pretexts1 & s nev] lose !mselves to ! :ole ext5t ( ! designs ( ,god4 ,!y nev] enjoy ,god 9 all ,8 fullness2 :i* is a loss t _c be p]fectly kn[n 9 ?is life4 ,oh1 my ,"l1 :at happ9ess did ,i n l>gely ta/e 9 my solitude1 & ) my little family1 :]e no?+ int]rupt$ my tranquillity6 ,z ,i 0 9 ! c\ntry1 ! sl5d] age ( my *ildr5 did n require my application too mu*1 !y be+ 9 good h&s1 ,i retir$ a great "p ( ! day into a wood4 ,i pass$ z _m days ( happ9ess z ,i _h _h mon?s ( sorr[4 ,?\1 ,o my ,god1 dealt by me z by ?y s]vant ,job1 r5d]+ me d\ble = all ?\ had/ tak51 & deliv]+ me f all my crosses4 ,?\ gave/ me a m>vel\s facility to satisfy ev]yone4 ,:at 0 surpris+ n[ 0 t my "m-9-law1 :o _h ev] be5 compla9+ ( me1 )\t my do+ any?+ m ?an usual to please h]1 decl>$ t none c\ld be bett] satisfi$ ) me ?an %e 04 ,su* z be=e _h cri$ me d[n ! mo/1 n[ te/ifi$ _! sorr[ = x & became full ( my praises4 ,my reputation 0 e/abli%$ ) mu* m advantage1 9 proportion z x _h appe>$ to be lo/4 ,i rema9$ 9 an entire peace1 z well )\t z )94 ,x seem$ to me t my s\l 0 become l ,new ,j]usalem1 spok5 ( 9 ! ,apocalypse1 prep>$ z a bride = h] husb& & :]e !re is no m sorr[1 or sigh+4 ,i _h a p]fect indiff]5ce to ev]y?+ t is "h1 a union s great ) ! w ( ,god1 t my own w seem$ entirely lo/4 ,my s\l c\ld n incl9e itself on "o side or ! o!r1 s9ce ano!r w _h tak5 ! place ( its own1 b only n\ri%$ itself ) ! daily provid5ces ( ,god4 ,x n[ f\nd a w all div9e1 yet 0 s natural & easy t x f\nd itself inf9itely m free ?an ev] x _h be5 9 its own4 ,^! dispositions h /ill subsi/$1 & /ill gr[n /rong]1 & m p]fect ev5 to ?is h\r4 ,i c\ld nei!r desire "o ?+ nor ano!r1 b 0 cont5t ) :atev] fell4 ,if any 9 ! h\se ask$ me1 ,w y h ?is1 or t8 !n ,i 0 surpris$ to f9d t !re 0 no?+ left 9 me :i* c\ld desire or *oose4 ,i 0 z if ev]y?+1 ( small] matt]s1 q disappe>$1 a high] p[] hav+ tak5 up & fill$ all _! place4 ,i ev5 p]ceiv$ no m t s\l :i* ,he _h =m]ly conduct$ by ,8 crook & ,8 /aff1 because n[ ,he alone appe>$ to me1 my s\l hav+ giv5 up its place to ,him4 ,x seem$ to me1 z if x 0 :olly & altoge!r pass$ into its ,god1 to make b "o & ! same ?+ ) ,him2 ev5 z a little drop ( wat]1 ca/ into ! sea1 receives ! qualities ( ! sea4 ,oh1 union ( unity1 dem&$ ( ,god by ,jesus ,*ir/ = m5 & m]it$ by him6 ,h[ /rong is ?is 9 a s\l t is become lo/ 9 its ,god6 ,aft] ! consummation ( ?is div9e unity1 ! s\l rema9s hid ) ,*ri/ 9 ,god4 ,?is happy loss is n l ^? transi5t ones :i* ec/acy op]ates1 :i* are r an absorption ?an union because ! s\l aft]w>ds f9ds itself aga9 ) all its own dispositions4 ,"h %e feels t pray] fulfill$--,john #ag3ba3 ,t !y all may be "o z ?\ ,fa!r art 9 me1 & ,i 9 !e2 t !y also may be "o 9 u4 ,,*apt] #bh ,i 0 oblig$ to g to ,p>is ab\t "s bus9ess4 ,hav+ ent]$ into a *ur*1 t 0 v d>k1 ,i w5t up to ! fir/ confessor ,i f\nd1 :om ,i did n "k1 nor h ev] se5 s9ce4 ,i made a simple & %ort confession2 b to ! confessor himself ,i said n a ^w4 ,he surpris$ me say+1 ,i "k n :o y are :e!r maid1 wife or wid[2 b ,i feel a /rong inw>d motion to exhort y to d :at ! ,"l has made kn[n to y1 t he requires ( y4 ,i h no?+ else to say4 ,i answ]$ him1 ,fa!r1 ,i am a wid[ :o h little *ildr54 ,:at else c\ld ,god require ( me1 b to take due c>e ( !m 9 _! education8 ,he repli$1 ,i "k no?+ ab\t ?is4 ,y "k if ,god manife/s to y t ,he requires some?+ ( y2 !re is no?+ 9 ! _w :i* ought to h9d] y f do+ ,8 w4 ,"o may h to leave "o's *ildr5 to d t4 ,?is surpris$ me mu*4 ,h[ev]1 ,i told him no?+ ( :at ,i felt ab\t ,g5eva4 ,i dispos$ myself submissively to quit ev]y?+1 if ! ,"l requir$ x ( me4 ,i did n look ^u x z a good ,i aspir$ to1 or a virtue ,i hop$ to acquire1 or z any?+ extraord9>y1 or z an act t w\ld m]it "s return on ,god's "p2 b only gave myself up to be l$ 9 ! way ( my duty1 :atev] x might be1 feel+ no di/9ction betwe5 my own w & ! w ( ,god 9 me4 ,9 ?is disposition1 ,i liv$ ) my family 9 ! greate/ tranquility1 until "o ( my fri5ds _h a great desire to g on a mission to ,siam4 ,he liv$ tw5ty leagues f my h\se4 ,z he 0 ready to make a v[ to ?is purpose1 he f\nd himself /opp$1 ) an impulse to come & speak to me4 ,he came imm$iately1 & z he _h "s reluctance to decl>e 8 m9d to me1 he w5t to read pray]s 9 my *apel1 hop+ ,god w\ld be satisfi$ ) 8 mak+ ! v[4 ,z he 0 p]=m+ div9e s]vice 9 my he>+1 he 0 /opp$ aga94 ,he left ! *apel to come & speak to me4 ,he !n told me 8 int5tion4 ,?\gh ,i _h no ?\ght ( say+ any?+ positive to him1 ,i felt an impression 9 my s\l to relate to him my case1 & ! idea ,i _h = a long "t pa/ = ,g5eva4 ,i told him a dream ,i _h1 :i* appe>$ to me sup]natural4 ,:5 ,i _h done1 ,i felt a /rong impulse to say to him1 ,y mu/ g to ,siam1 & y mu/ also s]ve me 9 ?is affair4 ,x is = t end ,god has s5t y hi!r2 ,i desire y to give me y\r advice4 ,aft] ?ree days1 hav+ consid]$ ! matt]1 & consult$ ! ,"l 9 x1 he told me t he believ$ ,i 0 to g ?i!r2 b to be ! bett] assur$ ( x1 x w\ld be ne$ful to see ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva4 ,if he approv$ ( my design1 x w\ld be a sign t x 0 f ! ,"l2 if n1 ,i mu/ drop x4 ,i agre$ ) 8 s5tim5t4 ,he !n (f]$ to g to ,annecy1 to speak to ! ,bi%op1 & to br+ me a fai?ful acc\nt4 ,z he 0 advanc$ 9 ye>s1 we 7 delib]at+ 9 :at way he c\ld take s long a j\rney1 :5 !re came two travel]s1 :o told u ! ,bi%op 0 at ,p>is4 ,?is ,i look$ on z an extraord9>y provid5ce4 ,he advis$ me to write to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 & recomm5d ! affair to 8 pray]s1 z he 0 9 t c\ntry4 ,he !n spoke to ! ,bi%op at ,p>is4 ,i1 hav+ occasion to g ?i!r1 spoke to him also4 ,i told him1 t my design 0 to g into ! c\ntry1 to employ !re my sub/ance1 to erect an e/abli%m5t = all su* z %\ld be will+ truly to s]ve ,god1 & to give !mselves unto him )\t res]ve2 & t _m ( ! s]vants ( ! ,"l _h enc\rag$ me !reto4 ,! bi%op approv$ ( ! design4 ,he said1 !re 7 ,new ,ca?olics go+ to e/abli% !mselves at ,gex1 ne> ,g5eva1 & t x 0 a provid5tial ?+4 ,i answ]$ him1 t ,i _h no vocation = ,gex1 b = ,g5eva4 ,he said1 ,i might g f h5ce to t city4 ,i ?\ght ?is 0 a way :i* div9e ,provid5ce _h op5$1 = my tak+ ?is j\rney ) ! less difficulty4 ,z ,i yet knew no?+ positive ( :at ! ,"l w\ld acquire at my h&1 ,i 0 n will+ to oppose any?+4 ,:o kn[s1 said ,i1 b ! w ( ! ,"l is only t ,i %\ld contribute to ?is e/abli%m5t8 ,i w5t to see ! prioress ( ! ,new ,ca?olics at ,p>is4 ,%e seem$ mu* rejoic$1 & assur$ me %e w\ld gladly jo9 me4 ,z %e is a great s]vant ( ,god1 ?is confirm$ me4 ,:5 ,i c\ld reflect a little1 :i* 0 b seldom1 ,i ?\ght ,god w\ld make *oice ( h] = h] virtue1 & me = my worldly sub/ance4 ,:5 ,i inadv]t5tly look$ at myself1 ,i c\ld n ?9k ,god w\ld make use ( me2 b :5 ,i saw ! ?+s 9 ,god1 !n ,i p]ceiv$ t ! m ,i 0 no?+1 ! fitt] ,i 0 = ,8 designs4 ,z ,i saw no?+ 9 myself extraord9>y1 & look$ on myself z be+ 9 ! l[e/ /age ( p]fection1 & imag9$ t an extraord9>y degree ( inspiration 0 necess>y = extraord9>y designs1 ?is made me hesitate1 & fe> deception4 ,x 0 n t ,i 0 9 fe> ( any?+1 z to my p]fection & salvation :i* ,i _h ref]r$ to ,god2 b ,i 0 afraid ( n do+ ,8 w by be+ too ard5t & ha/y 9 do+ x4 ,i w5t to consult ,fa!r ,claude ,m>t94 ,at t "t he gave me no decisive answ]1 dem&+ "t to pray ab\t x2 say+ he w\ld write to me :at %\ld appe> to him to be ! w ( ,god conc]n+ me4 ,i f\nd x h>d to get to speak to ,m4 ,b]tot1 bo? on acc\nt ( 8 be+ difficult ( access1 & ( my kn[+ h[ he condemn$ ?+s extraord9>y1 or out ( ! common road4 ,be+ my director1 ,i submitt$1 aga9/ my own views or judgm5t1 to :at he said1 lay+ d[n all my own exp]i5ces :5 duty requir$ me to believe & obey4 ,i ?\ght1 h[ev]1 ?an 9 an affair ( ?is importance1 ,i ought to address myself to him1 & pref] 8 s5se ( ! matt] to t ( e "o beside4 ,p]suad$1 he w\ld infallibly tell me ! w ( ,god4 ,i w5t to him !n1 & he told me t my design 0 ( ,god1 & t he _h _h a s5se giv5 him ( ,god = "s "t pa/1 t he requir$ some?+ ( me4 ,i !re=e return$ home to set ev]y?+ 9 ord]4 ,i lov$ my *ildr5 mu*1 hav+ great satisfaction 9 be+ ) !m1 b resign$ all to ,god to foll[ ,8 w4 ,on my return f ,p>is1 ,i left myself 9 ! h&s ( ,god1 resolv$ n to take any /ep1 ei!r to make ! ?+ succe$ or to h9d] x1 ei!r to advance or ret>d x1 b s+ly to move z ,he %\ld be pleas$ to direct me4 ,i _h my/]i\s dreams1 :i* port5d$ no?+ b crosses1 p]secutions & afflictions4 ,my he>t submitt$ to :atev] x %\ld please ,god to orda94 ,i _h "o :i* 0 v significant4 ,be+ employ$ 9 "s necess>y "w1 ,i saw ne> me a little animal :i* appe>$ to be dead4 ,?is animal ,i took to be ! envy ( "s p]sons1 :i* seem$ to h be5 dead = "s "t4 ,i took x up1 & z ,i saw x /rove h>d to bite me1 & t x magnifi$ to ! eye1 ,i ca/ x away4 ,i f\nd !reupon t x fill$ my f+]s ) %>p-po9t$ prickles l ne$les4 ,i came to "o ( my acqua9tance to get him to take !m out2 b he pu%$ !m deep] 91 & left me s1 till a *>itable prie/ ( great m]it1 7^: c\nt5ance is /ill pres5t ) me1 ?\gh ,i h n yet se5 him1 b believe ,i %all be=e ,i die7 took ?is animal up ) a pair ( p9c]s4 ,z soon z he held x fa/1 ^? %>p prickles fell (f1 ( !mselves4 ,i f\nd t ,i easily ent]$ into a place1 :i* be=e _h seem$ inaccessible4 ,& al?\gh ! mire 0 up to my girdle1 9 my way to a des]t$ *ur*1 ,i w5t ov] x )\t gett+ any dirt4 ,x w be easy to see 9 ! sequel :at ?is signifi$4 ,d\btless y w wond] t ,i1 :o makes s little acc\nt ( ?+s extraord9>y1 relate dreams4 ,i d x = two reasons2 fir/ out ( fidelity1 hav+ promis$ to omit no?+ ( :at %\ld come to my m9d2 secondly1 because x is ! me?od ,god makes use ( to communicate ,himself to fai?ful s\ls1 to give !m =etok5s ( ?+s to come1 :i* conc]n !m4 ,?us my/]i\s dreams are f\nd 9 _m places ( ! holy ,scriptures4 ,!y h s+ul> prop]ties1 z-- #a4 ,to leave a c]ta9ty t !y are my/]i\s1 & w h _! effect 9 _! season4 #b4 ,to be h>dly ev] effac$ out ( ! memory1 ?\gh "o =gets all o!rs4 #c4 ,to r$\ble ! c]ta9ty ( _! tru? e "t "o ?9ks ( !m4 #d4 ,!y g5]ally leave a c]ta9 unction1 a div9e s5se or savor at "o's wak+4 ,i receiv$ lett]s f sundry religi\s p]sons1 "s ( :om liv$ f> f me1 & f "o ano!r1 relat+ to my go+ =? 9 ! s]vice ( ,god1 & "s ( !m to ,g5eva 9 p>ticul>1 9 su* a mann] z surpris$ me4 ,"o ( !m intimat$ t ,i mu/ !re be> ! cross & be p]secut$2 & ano!r ( !m t ,i %\ld be eyes to ! bl9d1 feet to ! lame1 & arms to ! maim$4 ,! ecclesia/ic1 or *apla91 ( our h\se 0 mu* afraid le/ ,i 0 "u a delusion4 ,:at at t "t greatly confirm$ me 0 ,fa!r ,claude ,m>t91 :om ,i m5tion$ above1 wrote to me t1 aft] _m pray]s1 ! ,"l _h giv5 him to "k t ,he requir$ me at ,g5eva1 & to make a free sacrifice ( ev]y?+ to ,him4 ,i answ]$ him1 t p]haps ! ,"l requir$ ( me no?+ m ?an a sum ( money to assi/ 9 f\nd+ an in/itution :i* 0 go+ to be e/abli%$ !re4 ,he repli$1 t ! ,"l _h made him "k t ,he want$ n my worldly sub/ance b myself4 ,at ! v same "t ) ?is lett] ,i receiv$ "o f ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o wrote to me t ! ,"l _h giv5 him a c]ta9ty1 z he _h done to sev]al ( 8 good & fai?ful s]vants & h&maids1 t he want$ me at ,g5eva4 ,! writ]s ( ^! two lett]s liv$ above a hundr$ & fifty leagues f ea* o!r2 yet bo? wrote ! same ?+4 ,i c\ld n b be some:at surpris$ to receive at ! same "t two lett]s exactly alike1 f two p]sons liv+ s f> di/ant f ea* o!r4 ,z soon z ,i became fully conv9c$ ( its be+ ! w ( ! ,"l1 & saw no?+ on e>? capable ( deta9+ me1 my s5ses _h "s pa9 ab\t leav+ my *ildr54 ,& ^u reflect+ !reon a d\bt seiz$ my m9d4 ,o my ,"l6 ,_h ,i re/$ on myself1 or on ! creatures1 ,i w\ld h revolt$2 lean$ on a brok5 re$1 :i* w\ld h pi]c$ my h&4 ,b rely+ on ,!e alone1 :at ne$$ ,i to fe>8 ,i resolv$ !n to g1 reg>dless ( ! c5sures ( su* z und]/& n :at x is to be a s]vant ( ! ,"l1 & to receive & obey ,8 ord]s4 ,i firmly believe t ,he1 by ,8 ,provid5ce1 w\ld furni% ! means necess>y = ! education ( my *ildr54 ,i put ev]y?+ by degrees 9 ord]1 ! ,"l alone be+ my guide4 ,,*apt] #bi ,:ile provid5ce1 on ! "o h&1 appo9t$ my =sak+ all ?+s1 x seem$ on ! o!r to make my *a9s ! /rong]1 & my sep>ation ! m blameable4 ,none c\ld receive /rong] m>ks ( affection f "o's own "m ?an ^? :i* ,i receiv$ at ?is "t f my "m-9-law4 ,ev5 ! lea/ sickness :i* befell me made h] v uneasy4 ,%e said1 %e _h v5]ation = my virtue4 ,i believe :at contribut$ n a little to ?is *ange 01 t %e _h he>d t ?ree p]sons _h (f]$ suit to me1 & t ,i _h refus$ !m1 al?\gh _! =tune & quality 7 q sup]ior to m9e4 ,%e rememb]$ h[ %e _h upbraid$ me on ?is head1 & ,i answ]$ h] n a ^w1 :]eby %e might und]/& t x dep5d$ on myself to m>ry to advantage4 ,%e began to fe> le/ su* rigor\s treatm5t1 z h]s _h be5 t[>d me1 might excite me to deliv] myself by su* means1 ) honor1 f h] tyranny1 & 0 s5sible :at damage t might be to my *ildr54 ,s %e 0 n[ v t5d] to me on e occasion4 ,i fell extremely ill4 ,i ?\ght t ,god _h accept$ ( my will+ness to sacrifice all to him1 & requir$ t ( my life4 ,dur+ ?is illness1 my "m-9-law w5t n f my b$side2 h] _m te>s prov$ ! s9c]ity ( h] affection4 ,i 0 v mu* affect$ at x1 & ?\ght ,i lov$ h] z my true "m4 ,h[1 !n1 %\ld ,i leave h] n[1 be+ s f> advanc$ 9 age8 ,! maid1 :o till !n _h be5 my plague1 took an inconceivable fri5d%ip = me4 ,%e prais$ me ev]y:]e1 extoll+ my virtue to ! highe/ & s]v$ me ) extraord9>y respect4 ,%e begg$ p>don = all t %e _h made me suff]1 & di$ ( grief aft] my dep>ture4 ,!re 0 a prie/ ( m]it1 a spiritual man1 :o _h fall5 9 ) temptation ( tak+ ^u him employm5t :i* ,i 0 s5sible ,god did n call him to d4 ,fe>+ x might be a sn>e to him1 ,i advis$ him aga9/ x4 ,he promis$ me he w\ld n d x1 & yet accept$ x4 ,he !n avoid$ me1 jo9$ 9 calumniat+ me1 gradually fell away f grace1 & di$ soon aft]4 ,!re 0 a nun 9 a mona/]y ,i (t5 w5t to1 :o 0 ent]$ into a /ate ( purification1 :i* ev]yone 9 ! h\se look$ on z di/raction4 ,!y lock$ h] up & all :o w5t to see h] call$ x phr5zy or melan*oly4 ,i knew h] to be dev\t ,i reque/$ to see h]4 ,z soon z ,i approa*$1 ,i felt an impression t %e s\ght purity4 ,i desir$ ( ! ,sup]ior t %e %\ld n be lock$ up1 nor %\ld p be admitt$ to see h]1 b t %e w\ld confide h] to my c>e4 ,i hop$ ?+s w\ld *ange4 ,i discov]$ t h] greate/ pa9 0 at be+ c\nt$ a fool4 ,i advis$ h] to be> ! /ate ( fooli%ness1 s9ce ,jesus ,*ri/ _h be5 will+ to be> x be=e ,h]od4 ,?is sacrifice gave h] a calmness at once4 ,b z ,god 0 will+ to purify h] s\l1 ,he sep>at$ h] f all ^? ?+s = :i* %e _h be=e ! greate/ atta*m5t4 ,at la/1 aft] %e _h pati5tly und]gone h] suff]+s1 h] ,sup]ior wrote to me t ,i 0 9 ! "r1 & t %e _h n[ come out ( t /ate ( dejection1 9 great] purity ?an ev]4 ,! ,"l gave to me alone at t "t to "k h] /ate4 ,?is 0 ! comm5cem5t ( ! gift ( disc]n+ spirits1 :i* ,i aft]w>d receiv$ m fully4 ,! w9t] be=e ,i left home 0 "o ( ! longe/ & h>de/ t _h be5 = sev]al ye>s 7#afhj74 ,x 0 foll[$ ) extreme sc>city1 :i* prov$ to me an occasion ( ex]cis+ *>ity4 ,my "m-9-law jo9$ me he>tily & appe>$ to me s mu* *ang$4 ,i c\ld n b be bo? surpris$ & ov]joy$ at x4 ,we di/ribut$ at ! h\se n9ety-six doz5 loaves ( bread e week1 b private *>ities to ! ba%ful poor 7 mu* great]4 ,i kept poor boys & girls employ$4 ,! ,"l gave su* bless+s to my alms1 t ,i did n f9d t my family lo/ any?+ by x4 ,be=e ! dea? ( my husb&1 my "m-9-law told him t ,i w\ld ru9 him ) my *>ities1 ?\gh he himself 0 s *>itable1 t 9 a v de> ye>1 :ile he 0 "y1 he di/ribut$ a consid]able sum4 ,%e repeat$ ?is to him s (t51 t he comm&$ me to set d[n 9 writ+ all ! money ,i laid out1 bo? :at ,i gave = ! exp5se ( ! h\se1 & all t ,i caus$ to be b\ght1 t he might bett] judge ( :at ,i gave to ! poor4 ,?is new obligation1 :i* ,i 0 br\ght "u1 appe>$ to me s mu* ! h>d]1 z = above elev5 ye>s we _h be5 m>ri$ ,i nev] be=e _h ?is requir$ ( me4 ,:at tr\bl$ me mo/ 0 ! fe> ( hav+ no?+ to give to su* z want$4 ,h[ev]1 ,i submitt$ to x1 )\t retr5*+ any "p ( my *>ities4 ,i did n inde$ set d[n any ( my alms1 & yet my acc\nt ( exp5ses 0 f\nd to answ] exactly4 ,i 0 mu* surpris$ & a/oni%$1 & e/eem$ x "o ( ! wond]s ( ,provid5ce4 ,i saw pla9ly x 0 simply giv5 out ( ,?y treasury1 ,o my ,"l1 t made me m lib]al ( :at ,i ?\ght 0 ! ,"l's1 & n m9e4 ,oh1 if we b knew h[ f> *>ity1 in/ead ( wa/+ or less5+ ! sub/ance ( ! donor1 bless$1 increas$ & multipli$ x pr(usely4 ,h[ mu* is !re 9 ! _w ( useless dissipation1 :i*1 if prop]ly appli$1 might amply s]ve = ! subsi/5ce ( ! poor1 & w\ld abundantly be re/or$1 & amply rew>d$ to ! families ( ^? :o gave x4 ,9 ! "t ( my greate/ trials1 "s ye>s aft] my husb&'s dea? 7= !y began ?ree ye>s be=e my wid[hood1 & la/$ f\r ye>s aft]7 my footman came "o day to tell me1 7,i 0 !n 9 ! c\ntry7 t !re 0 9 ! road a poor soldi] dy+4 ,i _h him br\ght 91 & ord]+ a sep>ate place to be made ready = him1 ,i kept above a =tnight4 ,8 malady 0 a flux1 :i* he _h tak5 9 ! army4 ,x 0 s nause\s1 t ?\gh ! dome/ics 7 *>itably incl9$1 nobody c\ld be> to come ne> him4 ,i w5t myself to take away 8 vessels4 ,b ,i nev] did any?+ ( ! k9d :i* 0 s h>d4 ,i frequ5tly made ef=ts = a full qu>t] ( an h\r at a "t4 ,x seem$ z if my v he>t 0 go+ to come up2 yet ,i nev] desi/$4 ,i sometimes kept ! poor p at my h\se to dress _! putrid sores2 b nev] met ) any?+ s t]rible z ?is4 ,! poor man1 aft] ,i _h made him receive ! sacram5t1 di$4 ,:at gave me n[ no small conc]n 0 ! t5d]ness ,i _h = my *ildr51 especially my y\ng] son1 :om ,i _h /rong reasons = lov+4 ,i saw him incl9$ to be good2 ev]y?+ seem$ to favor ! hopes ,i _h conceiv$ ( him4 ,i ?\ght x runn+ a great risk to leave him to ano!r's education4 ,my daught] ,i design$ to take ) me1 ?\gh %e 0 at ?is "t ill ( a v t$i\s fev]4 ,provid5ce 0 pleas$1 h[ev]1 s to ord] x t %e spe$ily recov]$4 ,! ties1 ) :i* ! ,"l held me closely unit$ to ,himself1 7 inf9itely /rong] ?an ^? ( fle% & blood4 ,! laws ( my sacr$ m>riage oblig$ me to give up all1 to foll[ my sp\se :i!rsoev] x 0 ,8 pleasure to call me aft] ,him4 ,?\gh ,i (t5 hesitat$1 & d\bt$ mu* be=e ,i w5t1 ,i nev] d\bt$ aft] my go+ ( its be+ ,8 w2 & ?\gh m51 :o judge ( ?+s only accord+ to ! success !y seem to h1 h tak5 occasion f my disgraces & suff]+s1 to judge ( my call+1 & to run x d[n z error1 illusion & imag9ation2 x is t v p]secution1 & a multitude ( /range crosses x has drawn ^u me1 7( :i* ?is imprisonm5t ,i n[ suff] is "o17 :i* h confirm$ me 9 ! c]ta9ty ( its tru? & validity4 ,i am m ?an ev] conv9c$ t ! resignation :i* ,i h made ( ev]y?+ is 9 pure ob$i5ce to ! div9e w4 ,! gospel effectually 9 ?is po9t %[s itself to be true1 :i* has promis$ to ^? t %all leave all = ! love ( ! ,"l1 an hundr$ fold 9 ?is life1 & p]secutions also4 ,& h n ,i inf9itely m ?an an hundr$ fold1 9 s entire a possession z my ,"l ha/ tak5 ( me2 9 t un%ak5 firmness :i* is giv5 me 9 my suff]+s1 9 a p]fect tranquillity 9 ! mid/ ( a furi\s tempe/1 :i* assaults me on e side2 9 an unspeakable joy1 enl>g$ness & lib]ty :i* ,i enjoy 9 a mo/ /raight & rigor\s captivity4 ,i h no desire t my imprisonm5t %\ld end be=e ! "r "t4 ,i love my *a9s4 ,ev]y?+ is equal to me1 z ,i h no w ( my own1 b purely ! love & w ( ,him :o possesses me4 ,my s5ses inde$ h n any reli% = su* ?+s1 b my he>t is sep>at$ f !m4 ,my p]sev]ance is n ( myself1 b ( ,him :o is my life2 s t ,i c say ) ! apo/le1 ,x is no m ,i t live1 b ,jesus ,*ri/ t live? 9 me4 ,x is ,he 9 :om ,i live1 move1 & h my be+4 ,to return to ! subject1 ,i say t ,i 0 n s reluctant to g ) ! ,new ,ca?olics1 z ,i 0 to engage ) !m1 n f9d+ a suffici5t attraction1 ?\gh ,i s\ght = x4 ,i long$ inde$ to contribute to ! conv]sion ( w&]+ s\ls1 & ,god made use ( me to conv]t sev]al families be=e my dep>ture1 "o ( :i* 0 compos$ ( elev5 or twelve p]sons4 ,besides1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe _h writt5 to me1 to make use ( ?is opportunity = sett+ (f1 b did n tell me :e!r ,i ought to engage ) !m or n4 ,?us x 0 ! ,provid5ce ( my ,god alone1 :i* ord]$ ev]y?+1 to :i* ,i 0 resign$ )\t any res]ve2 & t h9d]$ me f engag+ ) !m4 ,"o day reflect+ humanly on ?is und]tak+ ( m9e1 ,i f\nd my fai? /agg]+1 weak5$ ) a fe> le/ ,i 7 "u a mi/ake1 :i* slavi% fe> 0 increas$ by an ecclesia/ic at our h\se1 :o told me x 0 a ra% & ill-advis$ design4 ,be+ a little disc\rag$1 ,i op5$ ! ,bible1 & met ) ?is passage 9 ,isaiah1 ,fe> n ?\ worm ,jacob1 & ye m5 ( ,israel4 ,i w help !e sai? ! ,"l1 & ?y ,r$eem]1 ! holy "o ( ,israel4 7,*ap4 #fa3ad7 & ne> x1 ,fe> n2 = ,i h r$eem$ !e1 ,i h call$ !e by ?y "n2 ?\ art m9e4 ,:5 ?\ passe/ ?r\gh ! wat]s1 ,i w be ) !e4 ,i _h a v great c\rage giv5 me = go+1 b c\ld n p]suade myself t x w\ld be be/ to settle ) ! ,new ,ca?olics4 ,x 01 h[ev]1 necess>y to see ,si/] ,g>ni]1 _! sup]ior at ,p>is1 9 ord] to take our measures toge!r4 ,b ,i c\ld n g to ,p>is1 because t j\rney w\ld h h9d]$ me f tak+ ano!r1 :i* ,i _h to take4 ,%e !n1 ?\gh mu* indispos$1 resolv$ to come & see me4 ,9 :at a wond]ful mann]1 ,o my ,god1 did/ ,?\ conduct ?+s by ,?y ,provid5ce1 to make ev]y?+ come to ! po9t ( ,?y w6 ,e day ,i saw new miracles1 :i* bo? amaz$ & /ill m confirm$ me2 = ) a pat]nal goodness ,?\ tooke/ c>e ( ev5 ! smalle/ ?+s4 ,z %e int5d$ sett+ (f1 %e fell sick4 ,& ,?\ p]mitt$ x to fall out s1 to give room !reby = a p]son1 :o w\ld h discov]$ ev]y?+1 9 ! meantime to take a j\rney to see me4 ,z ?is p]son _h giv5 me notice ( ! day %e int5d$ to set (f1 see+ t day 0 excessively hot1 & s sultry t ,i imag9$ t be+ tak5 s mu* t5d] c>e ( z %e 0 at home1 !y w\ld n suff] h] to beg9 h] j\rney1 7:i* really prov$ to be ! case1 z %e aft]w>d told me17 ,i pray$ to ! ,"l to be pleas$ to grant a w9d to rise1 to mod]ate ! viol5t heat4 ,sc>ce _h ,i pray$1 b !re arose sudd5ly s refre%+ a w9d1 t ,i 0 surpris$ & ! w9d did n cease dur+ h] :ole j\rney4 ,i w5t to meet h]1 & br\ght h] to my c\ntryh\se1 9 su* a way t %e 0 n se5 or kn[n ( anybody4 ,:at emb>rass$ me a little 01 t two ( my dome/ics knew h]4 ,b z ,i 0 !n endeavor+ ! conv]sion ( a lady1 !y ?\ght t x 0 on ?is acc\nt ,i _h s5t = h]1 & t x 0 necess>y to keep x secret1 t ! o!r lady might n be disc\rag$ f com+4 ,?\gh ,i knew no?+ ( controv]sial po9ts1 yet ,god s furni%$ me t ,i did n fail to answ] all h] objections1 & resolve all h] d\bts1 to su* a degree1 t %e c\ld n b give h]self up entirely to ,god4 ,?\gh ,si/] ,g>ni] _h a good %>e ( bo? ( grace & natural und]/&+1 yet h] words _h n su* an effect on ?is s\l z ^? ) :i* ,god furni%$ me1 z %e assur$ me h]self4 ,%e ev5 c\ld n =be> speak+ ( x4 ,i felt a movem5t to beg h] ( ,god1 z a te/imony ( ,8 holy w conc]n+ me4 ,b ,he 0 pleas$ n to grant x !n1 be+ will+ t ,i %\ld g (f alone )\t any o!r assurance ?an ,8 div9e ,provid5ce 0 conduct+ all ?+s4 ,si/] ,g>ni] did n decl>e h] ?\ghts to me = f\r days4 ,!n %e told me %e w\ld n g ) me4 ,at ?is ,i 0 ! m surpris$1 z ,i _h p]suad$ myself t ,god w\ld grant to h] virtue :at ,he might refuse to my dem]its4 ,besides1 ! reason %e gave appe>$ to me to be m]ely human1 & void ( sup]natural grace4 ,t made me hesitate a little2 !n1 tak+ new c\rage1 ?r\gh ! resignation ( my :ole self1 ,i said1 ,z ,i g n ?i!r = y\r sake1 ,i w n fail to g ev5 )\t y4 ,?is surpris$ h]1 z %e ackn[l$g$ to me2 = %e ?\ght t1 on h] refusal1 ,i w\ld decl9e my purpose ( go+4 ,i regulat$ ev]y?+1 wrote d[n ! contract ( association ) !m z ,i ?\ght prop]4 ,no soon] _h ,i done x1 b ,i felt great p]turbation & tr\ble ( m9d4 ,i told h] my pa91 & t ,i _h no d\bt b ! ,"l dem&$ me at ,g5eva1 yet did n let me see t ,he w\ld h me to be ( _! congregation4 ,%e desir$ to h "s "t till aft] pray]s & communion1 & t !n %e w\ld tell me :at %e ?\ght ! ,"l requir$ ( me4 ,accord+ly1 ,he direct$ h] contr>y bo? to h] int]e/s & incl9ation4 ,%e !n told me t ,i ought n to connect myself ) h]1 t x 0 n ! ,"l's design2 t ,i only ought to g ) h] si/]'s1 & t :5 ,i %\ld be !re1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 7^: lett] %e _h se57 w\ld signify to me ! div9e w4 ,i ent]$ at once into ^! s5tim5ts1 & my s\l !n rega9$ ! sweets ( inw>d peace4 ,my fir/ ?\ght _h be5 7be=e ,i he>d ( ! ,new ,ca?olics go+ to ,gex7 to g directly to ,g5eva4 ,at ?is "t !re 7 ,ca?olics !re 9 s]vice1 & o!rwise2 to take "s little room )\t any noise1 & )\t decl>+ myself at fir/2 & z ,i knew h[ to make up all sorts ( o9tm5ts to heal w\nds & especially ! k+'s evil1 ( :i* !re is abundance 9 t place1 & = :i* ,i _h a mo/ c]ta9 cure4 ,i hop$ easily to ins9uate myself by ?is way & ) ! *>ities :i* ,i %\ld h done to h won ov] _m ( ! p4 ,i h no d\bt b1 if ,i _h foll[$ ?is impulse1 ?+s w\ld h succe$$ bett]4 ,b ,i ?\ght ,i ought to foll[ ! s5tim5ts ( ! ,bi%op r ?an my own4 ,:at am ,i say+8 ,has n ,?y et]nal ,^w1 ,o my ,"l1 _h its effect & accompli%m5t 9 me8 ,man speaks z man2 b :5 we behold ?+s 9 ! ,"l1 we see !m 9 ano!r light4 ,yes1 my ,"l1 ,?y design 0 to give ,g5eva n to my c>es1 words or works1 b to my suff]+s2 = ! m ,i see ?+s appe> hopeless1 ! m d ,i hope = ! conv]sion ( t city by a way kn[n to ,!e only4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe has told me s9ce1 t he _h a /rong impulse to write to me1 n to engage ) ! ,new ,ca?olics4 ,he believ$ x n to be ! w ( ! ,"l conc]n+ me2 b he omitt$ do+ x4 ,z to my director1 ,m4 ,b]tot1 he di$ f\r mon?s be=e my dep>ture4 ,i _h "s intimations ( 8 dea?1 & x seem$ z if he bequea!d me a portion ( 8 _s to help 8 *ildr54 ,i 0 seiz$ ) a fe>1 t ! *eck ,i _h felt1 at giv+ s l>gely 9 favor ( ! ,new ,ca?olics1 :at ,i _h design$ = ,g5eva1 0 a /ratagem ( nature1 :i* does n love to be /ripp$4 ,i wrote to ,si/] ,g>ni] to get a contract drawn up accord+ to my fir/ memorial4 ,god p]mitt$ me to commit ?is fault1 to make me ! m s5sible ( ,8 protection ov] me4 ,,"p ,,two ,,*apt] #a ,i w5t (f1 9 a /range r5unciation1 & 9 great simplicity1 sc>cely able to r5d] ! reason :y ,i %\ld 9 su* a mann] quit my family1 :i* ,i mo/ t5d]ly love1 be+ )\t any positive assurance1 yet hop+ ev5 aga9/ hope itself4 ,i w5t to ! ,new ,ca?olics at ,p>is1 :]e ,provid5ce wr\ght wond]s to conceal me4 ,!y s5t = ! not>y1 :o _h drawn up ! contract ( engagem5t4 ,:5 he read x to me1 ,i felt su* a repugnance to x1 t ,i c\ld n be> to he> x to ! end1 mu* less sign x4 ,! not>y wond]$ & mu* m s :5 ,si/] ,g>ni] came 91 & told him1 t !re ne$$ no contract ( engagem5t4 ,i 0 enabl$ ?r\gh div9e assi/ance1 to put my affairs 9 v good ord]1 & to write sundry lett]s by ! inspiration ( ! ,_s ( ,god1 & n by my own4 ,?is 0 :at ,i _h nev] exp]i5c$ be=e4 ,x 0 giv5 me at t "t only z a beg9n+1 & has s9ce be5 grant$ me mu* m p]fectly4 ,i _h two dome/ics1 :om x 0 v difficult = me to dis*>ge1 z ,i did n ?9k to take !m ) me4 ,if ,i _h left !m1 !y w\ld h told ( my dep>ture2 & ,i %\ld h be5 s5t aft]4 ,i 0 :5 x became kn[n4 ,b ,god s ord]$ x t !y 7 will+ to foll[ me4 ,!y 7 ( no use to me1 & soon aft] turn$ into ,france4 ,i took ) me only my daught]1 & two maids to s]ve u bo?4 ,we set (f 9 a boat ^u ! riv]1 ?\gh ,i _h tak5 places 9 ! /age-coa*1 9 ord] t1 if !y se>*$ = me 9 ! coa*1 !y might n f9d me4 ,i w5t to ,melun to wait = x !re4 ,x 0 surpris+ t 9 ?is boat ! *ild c\ld n =be> mak+ crosses1 employ+ a p]son to cut ru%es = h] to use = t purpose4 ,%e !n put ar\nd1 & all ov] me1 above ?ree hundr$ ( !m4 ,i let h] d x1 & inw>dly appreh5d$ t x 0 n )\t its mean+4 ,i felt an int]ior c]ta9ty t ,i 0 go+ to meet ) crosses 9 abundance & t ?is *ild 0 s[+ ! cross = me to reap x4 ,si/] ,g>ni]1 :o saw t !y c\ld n re/ra9 h] f cov]+ me ) crosses1 said to me1 ,:at t *ild does appe>s to be significant4 ,turn+ to ! little girl1 %e said1 ,give me "s crosses1 too1 my pretty pet4 ,no1 %e repli$1 !y are all = my de> "m4 ,soon %e gave h] "o to /op h] importunity1 !n cont9u$ putt+ m on me2 aft] :i* %e desir$ "s riv]-fl[]s1 :i* float$ on ! wat]1 to be giv5 h]4 ,braid+ a g>l& %e put x on my head1 & said to me1 ,aft] ! cross y %all be cr[n$4 ,i admir$ all ?is 9 sil5ce1 & (f]$ myself up to ! pure love ( ,god1 z a victim1 free & will+ to be sacrific$ to ,him4 ,"s "t be=e my dep>ture1 a p>ticul> fri5d1 a true s]vant ( ,god1 relat$ to me a vision %e _h respect+ me4 ,%e saw my he>t surr\nd$ ) ?orns2 t our ,"l appe>$ 9 x well pleas$2 t1 ?\gh ! ?orns seem$ likely to te> x1 yet1 in/ead ( do+ t1 !y only r5d]$ x fair]1 & our ,"l's approbation ! /rong]4 ,at ,corbeil1 7a little t[n on ! riv] ,se9e1 sixte5 miles s\? ( ,p>is17 ,i met ) ! prie/ :om ,god _h fir/ made use ( s p[]fully to draw me to ,8 love4 ,he approv$ ( my design to leave all = ! ,"l2 b he ?\ght ,i %\ld n be well suit$ ) ! ,new ,ca?olics4 ,he told me "s ?+s ab\t !m1 to %[ t our lead+s 7 incompatible4 ,he caution$ me n to let !m "k t ,i walk$ 9 ! inw>d pa?4 ,if ,i did1 ,i mu/ expect no?+ b p]secution f !m4 ,b x is 9 va9 to contrive to hide1 :5 ,god sees x be/ = u to suff]1 & :5 our wills are utt]ly resign$ to ,him1 & totally pass$ into ,84 ,:ile at ,p>is ,i gave ! ,new ,ca?olics all ! money ,i _h4 ,i res]v$ n to myself a s+le p5ny1 rejoic+ to be poor aft] ! example ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,i br\ght f home n9e ?\s& livres4 ,z by my donation ,i _h res]v$ no?+ to myself & by a contract l5t !m six ?\s&2 ?is six ?\s& has return$ to my *ildr5 b none ( x to me4 ,t gives me no tr\ble2 pov]ty1 ?us procur$1 con/itutes my ri*es4 ,! re/ ,i gave entirely to ! si/]s t 7 ) u1 z well to supply _! travel+ exp5ses1 = ! pur*ase ( furniture4 ,i did n res]ve s mu* z my l95 = my own use1 putt+ x 9 ! common fund4 ,i _h nei!r a lock$ c(f]1 nor purse4 ,i _h br\ght b little l95 = fe> ( mi/ru/4 ,9 want+ to c>ry (f clo!s ,i %\ld h be5 discov]$4 ,my p]secutors did n fail to report t ,i _h br\ght great sums f home1 :i* ,i _h imprud5tly exp5d$1 & giv5 to ! fri5ds ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,false z ,i _h n a p5ny4 ,on my arrival at ,annecy a poor man 0 ask+ alms4 ,i1 hav+ no?+ else1 gave him ! buttons f my sleeves4 ,at ano!r "t ,i gave a poor man a little pla9 r+1 9 ! "n ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,i _h worn x z a tok5 ( m>riage ) ,him4 ,we jo9$ ! fly+ /age at ,melun :]e ,i left ,si/] ,g>ni]4 ,i w5t on ) ! o!r si/]s ) :om ,i _h no acqua9tance4 ,! c>riages 7 v fatigu+2 ,i got no sleep ?r\gh s long a j\rney4 ,my daught]1 a v t5d] *ild1 only five ye>s ( age1 got sc>cely any4 ,we bore great fatigue )\t fall+ sick by ! way4 ,my *ild _h n an h\r's uneas9ess1 al?\gh %e 0 only ?ree h\rs 9 b$ e night4 ,at ano!r "t half ?is fatigue1 or ev5 ! want ( re/1 w\ld h ?r[n me into a fit ( sickness4 ,god only kn[s bo? ! sacrifices :i* ,he induc$ me to make1 & ! joy ( my he>t 9 (f]+ up ev]y?+ to ,him4 ,_h ,i k+doms & empires1 ,i ?9k ,i w\ld yield !m up ) /ill m joy1 to give ,him ! high] m>ks ( my love4 ,z soon z we arriv$ at ! inn1 ,i w5t to *ur* & /ay$ !re till d9n] "t4 ,9 ! coa*1 my div9e ,"l commun$ ) me1 & 9 me1 9 a mann] :i* ! o!rs c\ld n compreh5d1 inde$ n p]ceive4 ,! *e]fulness ,i %[$ 9 ! greate/ dang]s enc\rag$ !m4 ,i ev5 sang hymns ( joy at f9d+ myself dis5gag$ f ! ri*es1 honors & entanglem5ts ( ! _w4 ,god 9 su* a mann] protect$ u4 ,he seem$ to be to u a pill> ( fire by night1 & a pill> ( a cl\d by day4 ,we pass$ ov] a v dang]\s spot betwe5 ,lyons & ,*amb]ry4 ,our c>riage broke z we 7 com+ out ( x4 ,_h x happ5$ a little soon]1 we w\ld h p]i%$4 ,we arriv$ at ,annecy on ,magdal5e's eve1 #afha4 ,on ,magdal5e's day ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva p]=m$ div9e s]vice = u1 at ! tomb ( ,/4 ,francis de ,sales4 ,!re ,i r5ew$ my spiritual m>riage ) my ,r$eem]1 z ,i did e ye> on ?is day4 ,!re also ,i felt a sweet remembrance ( t sa9t1 ) :om our ,"l gives me a s+ul> union4 ,i say union1 = x appe>s to me t ! s\l 9 ,god is unit$ ) sa9ts1 ! m s 9 proportion z !y are con=mable to ,him4 ,x is a union :i* x pleases ,god sometimes to revive aft] dea?1 & awak5 9 ! s\l = ,8 own glory4 ,at su* times dep>t$ sa9ts are r5d]$ m intimately pres5t to t s\l 9 ,god2 & ?is revival is z x 7 an holy int]c\rse ( fri5d ) fri5d1 9 ,him :o unites !m all 9 "o immortal tie4 ,t day we left ,annecy1 & on ! next w5t to pray]s at ,g5eva4 ,i _h mu* joy at ! communion4 ,x seem$ to me z if ,god m p[]fully unit$ me to ,himself4 ,!re ,i pray$ to ,him = ! conv]sion ( t great p4 ,t ev5+ we arriv$ late at ,gex1 :]e we f\nd only b>e walls4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva _h assur$ me t ! h\se 0 furni%$2 und\bt$ly he believ$ x to be4 ,we lodg$ at ! h\se ( ! si/]s ( *>ity1 :o 7 s k9d z to give u _! b$s4 ,i 0 9 great pa9 ( m9d = my daught]1 :o visibly lo/ weight4 ,i _h a /rong desire to place h] ) ! ,ursul9es at ,tonon4 ,my he>t 0 s affect$ on h] behalf1 t ,i c\ld n =be> weep+ 9 secret = h]4 ,next day ,i said1 ,i w\ld take my daught] to ,tonon1 & leave h] !re1 till ,i %\ld see h[ we might be accommodat$4 ,!y oppos$ x /rongly1 aft] a mann] :i* seem$ v h>d-he>t$ z well z ungrateful1 see+ %e 0 a skeleton4 ,i look$ ^u ! *ild z a victim :om ,i _h imprud5tly sacrific$4 ,i wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 entreat+ him to come & see me1 to consult toge!r ab\t x4 ,i ?\ght ,i c\ld n 9 consci5ce keep h] 9 ?is place any long]4 ,sev]al days pass$ )\t my hav+ any answ]4 ,9 ! meantime ,i became resign$ to ! w ( ,god1 :e!r to h succor or n4 ,,*apt] #b ,our ,"l took pity on ! lam5table condition ( my daught]1 & s ord]$ x1 t ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 to come z spe$ily z possible to see u1 & to console u4 ,z soon z ,i saw t fa!r1 ,i 0 surpris$ to feel an int]ior grace1 :i* ,i may call communication2 su* z ,i _h nev] _h be=e ) any p]son4 ,x seem$ to me t an influ5ce ( grace came f him to me1 ?r\gh ! inn]mo/ ( ! s\l2 return$ f me to him1 9 su* a way t he felt ! same effect4 ,l a tide ( grace x caus$ a flux & reflux1 fl[+ on into ! div9e & invisible ocean4 ,?is is a pure & holy union1 :i* ,god alone op]ates1 & :i* has /ill subsi/$1 & ev5 increas$4 ,x is an union exempt f all weakness1 & f all self-int]e/4 ,x causes ^? :o are bless$ ) x to rejoice 9 behold+ !mselves1 z well z ^? belov$1 lad5 ) crosses & afflictions--an union :i* has no ne$ ( ! pres5ce ( ! body4 ,at c]ta9 times abs5ce makes n m abs5t1 nor pres5ce m pres5t2 a union unkn[n to m51 b su* z are come to exp]i5ce x4 ,x c nev] be exp]i5c$ b betwe5 su* s\ls z are unit$ to ,god4 ,z ,i nev] be=e felt a union ( ?is sort ) any "o1 x !n appe>$ to me q new4 ,i _h no d\bt ( its be+ f ,god2 s f> f turn+ ! m9d f ,him1 x t5d$ to draw x m deeply into ,him4 ,x dissipat$ all my pa9s1 & e/abli%$ me 9 ! mo/ pr(\nd peace4 ,god gave him at fir/ mu* op5ness ( m9d t[>d me4 ,he relat$ to me ! m]cies ,god _h %[n him1 & sev]al extraord9>y ?+s1 :i* gave me at fir/ "s fe>4 ,i suspect$ "s illusion1 especially 9 su* ?+s z flatt] 9 reg>d to ! future2 little imag9+ t ,god w\ld make use ( me to draw him f ?is /ate & br+ him into t nak$ fai?4 ,b ! grace1 :i* fl[$ f ,him into my s\l1 recov]$ me f t fe>4 ,i saw t x 0 jo9$ ) extraord9>y humility4 ,f> f be+ elevat$ ) ! gifts :i* ,god _h lib]ally conf]r$ ^u him1 or ) 8 own pr(\nd le>n+1 no p]son c\ld h a l[] op9ion ( himself ?an he _h4 ,he told me z to my daught]1 x w\ld be be/ = me to take h] to ,tonon1 :]e he ?\ght %e w\ld be v well situat$4 ,z to myself1 aft] ,i _h m5tion$ to him my dislike to ! mann] ( life ( ! ,new ,ca?olics1 he told me1 t he did n ?9k x w\ld be my prop] place to be long ) !m4 ,x w\ld be be/ = me to /ay !re1 free f all engagem5ts1 till ,god1 by ! guidance ( ,8 ,provid5ce1 %\ld make kn[n to me h[ he w\ld dispose ( me1 & draw my m9d to ! place :i!r he w\ld h me remove4 ,i _h already begun to awake regul>ly at midnight1 9 ord] to pray4 ,i awoke ) ^! words sudd5ly put 9 my m9d1 ,x is writt5 ( me1 ,i w d ?y w1 ,o my ,god4 ,?is 0 accompani$ ) ! mo/ pure1 p5etrat+1 & p[]ful communication ( grace t ,i _h ev] exp]i5c$4 ,?\gh ! /ate ( my s\l 0 already p]man5t 9 newness ( life2 yet ?is new life 0 n 9 t immutability 9 :i* x has be5 s9ce4 ,x 0 a beg9n+ life & a ris+ day1 :i* goes on increas+ unto ! full m]idian2 a day nev] foll[$ by night2 a life :i* fe>s dea? no m1 n ev5 9 dea? itself2 because he :o has suff]$ ! fir/ dea?1 %all no m be hurt ( ! second4 ,f midnight ,i cont9u$ on my knees1 till f\r o'clock 9 ! morn+1 9 pray]1 9 a sweet int]c\rse ) ,god1 & did ! same also ! night foll[+4 ,! next day1 aft] pray]s1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe told me1 t he _h a v great c]ta9ty1 t ,i 0 a /one :i* ,god design$ = ! f\ndation ( "s great build+4 ,:at t build+ 0 he knew no m ?an ,i4 ,aft] :atev] mann] !n x is to be1 :e!r ,8 div9e ,maje/y w make use ( me 9 ?is life1 = "s design kn[n to himself only1 or w make me "o ( ! /ones ( ! new & heav5ly ,j]usalem1 x seems to me t su* /one _c be poli%$1 b by ! /rokes ( ! hamm]4 ,our ,"l has giv5 to ?is s\l ( m9e ! qualities ( ! /one1 firmness1 resignation1 ins5sibility1 & p[] to endure h>dness "u ! op]ations ( ,8 h&4 ,i c>ri$ my little daught] to ! ,ursul9es at ,tonon4 ,t *ild took a great fondness = ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 say+1 ,he is a good fa!r1 "o f ,god4 ,"h ,i f\nd a h]mit1 :om !y call$ ,anselm4 ,he 0 a p]son ( ! mo/ extraord9>y sanctity t _h appe>$ = "s "t4 ,he 0 f ,g5eva2 ,god _h miracul\sly drawn him f !nce1 at twelve ye>s ( age4 ,he _h at n9ete5 ye>s ( age tak5 ! habit ( h]mit ( ,/4 ,augu/9e4 ,he & ano!r liv$ alone 9 a little h]mitage1 :]e !y saw nobody b su* z came to visit _! *apel4 ,he _h liv$ twelve ye>s 9 ?is hut1 nev] eat+ any?+ b pulse ) salt1 & sometimes oil4 ,?ree times a week he liv$ on bread & wat]4 ,he nev] drank w9e1 & g5]ally took b "o meal 9 tw5ty-f\r h\rs4 ,he wore = a %irt a co>se hair clo?1 & lodg$ on ! b>e gr\nd4 ,he liv$ 9 a cont9ual /ate ( pray]1 & 9 ! greate/ humility4 ,god _h done by him _m signal miracles4 ,?is good h]mit _h a great s5se ( ! designs ( ,god on ,fa!r ,la ,combe & me4 ,b ,god %[$ him at ! same "t t /range crosses 7 prep>+ = u bo?2 t we 7 bo? de/9$ = ! aid ( s\ls4 ,i did n f9d1 z ,i expect$1 any suitable place = my daught] at ,tonon4 ,i ?\ght myself l ,abraham1 :5 go+ to sacrifice 8 son4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe said1 ,welcome1 daught] ( ,abraham6 ,i f\nd little enc\ragem5t to leave h] & c\ld n keep h] ) myself1 because we _h no room4 ,! little girls1 :om !y took to make ,ca?olics1 7 all mix$ & _h contract$ habits z 7 p]nici\s4 ,to leave h] !re ,i ?\ght n "r4 ,! language ( ! c\ntry1 :]e sc>ce anyone und]/ood ,fr5*1 & ! food1 :i* %e c\ld n take1 be+ f> diff]5t f ours1 7 great h>d%ips4 ,all my t5d]ness = h] 0 awak5$1 & ,i look$ on myself z h] de/roy]4 ,i exp]i5c$ :at ,hag> suff]$ :5 %e put away h] son ,i%mael 9 ! des]t t %e might n be =c$ to see him p]i%4 ,i ?\ght t ev5 if ,i _h v5tur$ to expose myself1 ,i ought at lea/ to h sp>$ my daught]4 ,! loss ( h] education1 ev5 ( h] life1 appe>$ to me inevitable4 ,ev]y?+ look$ d>k 9 reg>d to h]4 ,) h] natural disposition & f9e qualities1 %e might h attract$ admiration1 if educat$ 9 ,france1 & be5 likely to h su* (f]s ( m>riage1 z %e c\ld nev] hope to meet ) 9 ?is poor c\ntry2 9 :i*1 if %e %\ld recov]1 %e w\ld nev] be likely to be fit = any?+4 ,"h %e c\ld eat no?+ ( :at 0 (f]$ h]4 ,all h] subsi/5ce 0 a little unpleasant & disagreeable bro?1 :i* ,i =c$ h] to take aga9/ h] w4 ,i seem$ l a second ,abraham1 hold+ ! knife ov] h] to de/roy h]4 ,our ,"l w\ld h me make a sacrifice to ,him1 )\t any consolation1 & plung$ 9 sorr[1 night 0 ! "t 9 :i* ,i gave v5t to x4 ,he made me see1 on "o side ! grief ( h] gr&mo!r1 if %e %\ld he> ( h] dea?1 :i* %e w\ld impute to my tak+ ! *ild away f h]2 ! great reproa*1 x w\ld be acc\nt$ among all ! family4 ,! gifts ( nature %e 0 end[$ ) 7 n[ l po9t$ d>ts :i* pi]c$ me4 ,i believe t ,god s ord]$ x to purify me f too human an atta*m5t /ill 9 me4 ,aft] ,i return$ f ! ,ursul9es at ,tonon1 !y *ang$ h] mann] ( diet1 & gave h] :at 0 suitable2 9 a %ort "t %e recov]$4 ,,*apt] #c ,z soon z x 0 kn[n 9 ,france t ,i 0 gone !re 0 a g5]al outcry4 ,fa!r de la ,mo! wrote to me1 t all p]sons ( le>n+ & ( piety unit$ 9 c5sur+ me4 ,to al>m me /ill m1 he in=m$ me t my "m-9-law1 ) :om ,i _h entru/$ my y\ng] son & my *ildr5's sub/ance1 0 fall5 into a /ate ( *ildhood4 ,?is1 h[ev]1 0 false4 ,i answ]$ all ^! fe>ful lett]s z ! ,_s dictat$4 ,my answ]s 7 ?\ght v j1 & ^? viol5t exclamations 7 soon *ang$ into applauses4 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! appe>$ to *ange 8 c5sures into e/eem2 b x did n la/4 ,self int]e/ ?rew him back aga92 be+ disappo9t$ 9 8 hopes ( a p5sion1 :i* he expect$ ,i w\ld h settl$ on him4 ,si/] ,g>ni]1 :atev] 0 h] reason1 *ang$ & decl>$ aga9/ me4 ,i bo? ate & slept little4 ,! food :i* 0 giv5 u 0 putrid & full ( worms1 by reason ( ! great heat ( ! wea!r1 also be+ kept too long4 ,:at ,i %\ld h =m]ly beheld ) ! greate/ abhorr5ce1 n[ became my only n\ri%m5t4 ,yet ev]y?+ 0 r5d]$ easy to me4 ,9 ,god ,i f\nd1 )\t increase1 ev]y?+ :i* ,i _h lo/ = ,him4 ,t _s1 :i* ,i once ?\ght ,i _h lo/ 9 a /range /upidity1 0 re/or$ to me ) inconceivable advantages4 ,i 0 a/oni%$ at myself4 ,i f\nd !re 0 no?+ :i* ,i 0 n fit = or 9 :i* ,i did n succe$4 ,^? :o obs]v$ said t ,i _h a prodigi\s capacity4 ,i well knew t ,i _h b meag] capabilities1 b t 9 ,god my _s _h receiv$ a quality :i* x _h nev] _h be=e4 ,i ?\ght ,i exp]i5c$ some?+ ( ! /ate :i* ! apo/les 7 91 aft] !y _h receiv$ ! ,holy ,gho/4 ,i knew1 ,i compreh5d$1 ,i und]/ood1 ,i 0 enabl$ to d ev]y?+ necess>y4 ,i _h e sort ( good ?+ & no want ( any?+4 ,:5 ,jesus ,*ri/1 ! et]nal wisdom1 is =m$ 9 ! s\l1 aft] ! dea? ( ! fir/ ,adam1 x f9ds 9 ,him all good ?+s communicat$ to x4 ,sometime aft] my arrival at ,gex1 ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva came to see u4 ,he 0 s cle>ly conv9c$1 & s mu* affect$1 t he c\ld n =be> express+ x4 ,he op5$ 8 he>t to me on :at ,god _h requir$ ( him4 ,he confess$ to me 8 own deviations & infidelities4 ,e "t :5 ,i spoke to him he ent]$ into :at ,i said1 & ackn[l$g$ x to be ! tru?4 ,inde$ x 0 ! ,_s ( tru? :i* inspir$ me to speak to him1 )\t :i* ,i %\ld be only a m]e simpleton4 ,yet z soon z ^? p]sons spoke to him1 :o s\ght = pre-em95ce1 & :o c\ld n suff] any good b :at came f !mselves1 he 0 s weak z to be impos$ on ) impressions aga9/ ! tru?4 ,?is weakness has h9d]$ him f do+ all ! good :i* o!rwise he might h done4 ,aft] ,i _h spok5 to him1 he said t he _h x 9 8 m9d to give me ,fa!r ,la ,combe = director2 he 0 a man illum9at$ ( ,god1 :o well und]/ood ! inw>d pa?1 & _h a s+ul> gift ( pacify+ s\ls4 ,greatly 0 ,i rejoic$ :5 ! ,bi%op appo9t$ him1 see+ !reby 8 au?ority unit$ ) ! grace :i* already seem$ to h giv5 him to me1 by a union & effusion ( sup]natural life & love4 ,! fatigues ,i _h1 & wat*+s ) my daught]1 ?rew me into a viol5t sickness att5d$ ) exquisite pa94 ,! physicians judg$ me 9 dang]1 yet ! si/]s ( ! h\se q neglect$ me2 especially ! /ew>dess4 ,%e 0 s p5uri\s1 t %e did n give me :at 0 necess>y to su/a9 life4 ,i _h n a p5ny to help myself )1 z ,i _h res]v$ no?+ to myself4 ,besides1 !y receiv$ all ! money :i* 0 remitt$ to me f ,france1 :i* 0 v consid]able4 ,i practic$ pov]ty & 0 9 necessity ev5 among ^? to :om ,i _h giv5 all4 ,!y wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 desir+ him to come to me1 z ,i 0 s extremely ill4 ,he>+ ( my condition he 0 s t\*$ ) compassion z to walk on foot all night4 ,he travel$ n o!rwise1 endeavor+ 9 t1 z 9 ev]y?+ else1 to imitate our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,z soon z he ent]$ ! h\se my pa9s abat$2 :5 he _h pray$ & bless$ me1 lay+ 8 h& on my head1 ,i 0 p]fectly cur$1 to ! great a/oni%m5t ( my physicians2 :o 7 n will+ to ackn[l$ge ! miracle4 ,^! si/]s advis$ me to return to my daught]4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe return$ ) me4 ,a viol5t /orm arose on ! ,lake1 :i* made me v sick1 & seem$ likely to upset ! boat4 ,b ! h& ( ,provid5ce rem>kably appe>$ 9 our favor2 s mu* s1 t x 0 tak5 notice ( by ! m>9]s & pass5g]s4 ,!y look$ ^u ,fa!r ,la ,combe z a sa9t4 ,we arriv$ at ,tonon1 :]e ,i f\nd myself s p]fectly recov]$1 t1 in/ead ( mak+ & us+ ! rem$ies ,i _h propos$1 ,i w5t into a retreat1 & /ay$ twelve days4 ,"h ,i made v[s ( p]petual *a/ity1 pov]ty & ob$i5ce1 cov5ant+ to obey :atev] ,i %\ld believe to be ! w ( ,god also to obey ! *ur*1 & to honor ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 su* a mann] z ,he pleas$4 ,at ?is "t ,i f\nd t ,i _h ! p]fect *a/ity ( love to ! ,"l1 x be+ )\t any res]ve1 division1 or view ( int]e/4 ,p]fect pov]ty1 by ! total privation ( ev]y?+ t 0 m9e1 bo? inw>dly & outw>dly4 ,p]fect ob$i5ce to ! w ( ! ,"l1 submission to ! *ur*1 & honor to ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 lov+ ,himself only2 ! effect ( :i* soon appe>$4 ,:5 by ! loss ( ourselves we are pass$ into ! ,"l1 our w is made "o & ! same ) t ( ! ,"l1 accord+ to ! pray] ( ,*ri/1 ,z ?\ ,fa!r art 9 me1 & ,i 9 !e1 grant t !y also may be "o ( u4 ,john #ag3ba4 ,oh1 b x is !n t ! w is r5d]$ m>vel\s1 bo? because x is made ! w ( ! ,"l1 :i* is ! greate/ ( miracles2 also because x works wond]s 9 ,him4 ,= z x is ! ,"l :o wills 9 ! s\l1 t w has its effect4 ,sc>cely has x will$ b ! ?+ is done4 ,b "s may say1 ,:y !n s _m oppressions endur$8 ,:y d n ^! s\ls1 if !y h su* a p[]1 set !mselves free f !m8 ,we answ] t if !y _h any w to d any?+ ( t sort1 aga9/ div9e provid5ce1 t w\ld be ! w ( fle%1 or ! w ( man1 & n ! w ( ,god1 ,john #a3ac4 ,i rose g5]ally at midnight1 wak+ at ! prop] "t2 b if ,i w\nd up my al>m-wat*1 !n ,i us$ n to awake 9 "t4 ,i saw t ! ,"l _h ! c>e ( a fa!r & a sp\se ov] me4 ,:5 ,i _h any indisposition1 & my body want$ re/1 ,he did n awake me2 b at su* times ,i felt ev5 9 my sleep a s+ul> possession ( ,him4 ,"s ye>s h pass$ :]e9 ,i h _h only a k9d ( half-sleep2 b my s\l wak$ ! m = ! ,"l1 z sleep seem$ to /eal f x e o!r att5tion4 ,! ,"l made x kn[n also to _m p]sons1 t ,he design$ me = a "m ( great p1 b a p simple & *ildlike4 ,!y took ^! intellig5ces 9 a lit]al s5se & ?\ght x relat$ to "s in/itution or congregation4 ,b x appe>$ to me t ! p]sons :om x w\ld please ! ,"l t ,i %\ld w9 ov] to ,him1 & to :om ,i %\ld be z a "m1 ?r\gh ,8 goodness1 %\ld h ! same union ( affection = me z *ildr5 h = a p>5t1 b a union mu* deep] & /rong]2 giv+ me all t 0 necess>y = !m1 to br+ !m to walk 9 ! way by :i* ,he w\ld lead !m1 z ,i %all %[4 ,,*apt] #d ,i w\ld will+ly suppress :at ,i am n[ ab\t to write if any?+ ( x 7 my own1 also on acc\nt ( ! difficulty ( express+ myself z because few s\ls are capable ( und]/&+ div9e lead+s :i* are s little kn[n1 & s little compreh5d$4 ,i h myself nev] read ( any?+ l x4 ,i %all say some?+ ( ! int]ior dispositions ,i 0 !n 91 & ,i %all ?9k my "t well employ$1 if x s]ves y :o are will+ to be ( ! numb] ( my *ildr52 x s]ves su* z are already my *ildr51 to induce !m to let ,god glorify ,himself 9 !m aft] ,8 mann]1 & n aft] _! own4 ,if !re be any?+ :i* !y d n compreh5d1 let !m die to !mselves4 ,!y w f9d x mu* easi] to le>n by exp]i5ce ?an f any?+ ,i c\ld say2 expression nev] equals exp]i5ce4 ,aft] ,i _h come out ( ! try+ condition ,i h spok5 ( ,i f\nd x _h purifi$ my s\l1 in/ead ( black5+ x z ,i _h fe>$4 ,i possess$ ,god aft] a mann] s pure1 & s imm5se1 z no?+ else c\ld equal4 ,9 reg>d to ?\ghts or desires1 all 0 s clean1 s nak$1 s lo/ 9 ! div9ity1 t ! s\l _h no selfi% movem5t1 h[ev] plausible or delicate2 bo? ! p[]s ( ! m9d & ! v s5ses be+ wond]fully purifi$4 ,sometimes ,i 0 surpris$ to f9d t !re appe>$ n "o selfi% ?\ght4 ,! imag9ation1 =m]ly s re/less1 n[ no m tr\bl$ me4 ,i _h no m p]plexity or uneasy reflections4 ,! w1 be+ p]fectly dead to all its own appetites1 0 become void ( e human incl9ation1 bo? natural & spiritual1 & only incl9$ to :atev] ,god pleas$1 & to :atev] mann] ,he pleas$4 ,?is va/ness or enl>g$ness1 :i* is n b\nd$ by any?+1 h[ev] pla9 or simple x may be1 increases e day4 ,my s\l 9 p>tak+ ( ! qualities ( h] ,sp\se seems also to p>take ( ,8 imm5sity4 ,my pray] 0 9 an op5ness & s+l5ess inconceivable4 ,i 01 z x 71 borne up on high1 out ( myself4 ,i believe ,god 0 pleas$ to bless me ) ?is exp]i5ce4 ,at ! beg9n+ ( ! new life1 ,he made me compreh5d1 = ! good ( o!r s\ls1 ! simplicity & desirabl5ess ( ?is passage ( ! s\l into ,god4 ,:5 ,i w5t to confess1 ,i felt su* an imm]sion ( ! s\l into ,him1 t ,i c\ld sc>cely speak4 ,?is asc5sion ( ! _s1 :]e9 ,god draws ! s\l s p[]fully1 n into its own inmo/ recess1 b into ,himself1 is n op]at$ till aft] ! dea? ( self4 ,! s\l actually comes out ( itself to pass into its div9e object4 ,i call x dea?1 t is to say1 a passage f "o ?+ to ano!r4 ,x is truly a happy passov] = ! s\l1 & its passage into ! promis$ l&4 ,! _s :i* is creat$ to be unit$ to its div9e ,orig91 has s p[]ful a t5d5cy to ,him1 t if x 7 n /opp$ by a cont9ual miracle1 its mov+ quality w\ld cause ! body to be drawn aft] x by reason ( its impetuosity & noble ass5t4 ,b ,god has giv5 x a t]re/rial body to s]ve = a c\nt]poise4 ,?is _s !n1 creat$ to be unit$ to its ,orig91 )\t any m$ium or int]/ice1 feel+ itself drawn by its div9e object1 t5ds to x ) an extreme viol5ce2 9 su* sort t ,god1 susp5d+ = sometime ! p[] :i* ! body has to hold back ! _s1 x foll[s ) ard5cy4 ,:5 x is n suffici5tly purifi$ to pass into ,god1 x gradually returns to itself2 z ! body resumes its own quality1 x turns to ! e>?4 ,! sa9ts :o h be5 ! mo/ p]fect h advanc$ to t degree1 z to h no?+ ( all ?is4 ,"s h lo/ x t[>d ! end ( _! lives1 becom+ s+le & pure z ! o!rs1 because !y !n _h 9 reality & p]man5ce :at !y _h at fir/ only z transi5t fruitions1 9 ! "t ( ! preval5ce or dom9ion ( ! body4 ,x is c]ta9 !n t ! s\l1 by dea? to itself1 passes into its div9e ,object4 ,?is is :at ,i !n exp]i5c$4 ,i f\nd1 ! f>!r ,i w5t1 ! m my _s 0 lo/ 9 its ,sov]eign1 :o attract$ x m & m to ,himself4 ,he 0 pleas$ at fir/ t ,i %\ld "k ?is = ! sake ( o!rs & n = myself4 ,inde$ ,he drew my s\l m & m into ,himself1 till x lo/ itself entirely out ( sight1 & c\ld p]ceive itself no m4 ,x seem$ at fir/ to pass into ,him4 ,z "o sees a riv] pass into ! ocean1 lose itself 9 x1 its wat] = a "t di/+ui%$ f t ( ! sea1 till x gradually becomes trans=m$ into ! same sea1 & possesses all its qualities2 s 0 my s\l lo/ 9 ,god1 :o communicat$ to x ,8 qualities1 hav+ drawn x out ( all t x _h ( its own4 ,its life is an inconceivable innoc5ce1 n kn[n or compreh5d$ ( ^? :o are /ill %ut up 9 !mselves or only live = !mselves4 ,! joy :i* su* a s\l possesses 9 its ,god is s great1 t x exp]i5ces ! tru? ( ^? words ( ! royal prophet1 ,all !y :o are 9 !e1 ,o ,"l1 are l p]sons ravi%$ ) joy4 ,to su* a s\l ! words ( our ,"l seem to be address$1 ,y\r joy no man %all take f y4 ,john #af3bb4 ,x is z x 7 plung$ 9 a riv] ( peace4 ,its pray] is cont9ual4 ,no?+ c h9d] x f pray+ to ,god1 or f lov+ ,him4 ,x amply v]ifies ^! words 9 ! ,canticles1 ,i sleep b my he>t wake?2 = x f9ds t ev5 sleep itself does n h9d] x f pray+4 ,oh1 unutt]able happ9ess6 ,:o c\ld ev] h ?\ght t a s\l1 :i* seem$ to be 9 ! utmo/ mis]y1 %\ld ev] f9d a happ9ess equal to ?is8 ,oh1 happy pov]ty1 happy loss1 happy no?+ness1 :i* gives no less ?an ,god ,himself 9 ,8 own imm5sity1 no m circumscrib$ to ! limit$ mann] ( ! creature1 b always draw+ x out ( t1 to plunge x :olly into ,8 own div9e ess5ce4 ,!n ! s\l kn[s t all ! /ates ( self-pleas+ visions1 op5+s1 ec/asies & raptures1 are r ob/acles2 t !y d n s]ve ?is /ate :i* is f> above !m2 because ! /ate :i* has supports1 has pa9 to lose !m2 yet _c arrive at ?is )\t su* loss4 ,9 ?is are v]ifi$ ! words ( an exp]i5c$ sa9t2 ,:5 ,i w\ld1 says he1 possess no?+ ?r\gh self-love1 ev]y?+ 0 giv5 me )\t go+ aft] x4 ,oh1 happy dy+ ( ! gra9 ( :eat1 :i* makes x produce an hundr$fold6 ,! s\l is !n s passive1 s equally dispos$ to receive f ! h& ( ,god ei!r good or evil1 z is a/oni%+4 ,x receives bo? ! "o & ! o!r )\t any selfi% emotions1 lett+ !m fl[ & be lo/ z !y come4 ,!y pass away z if !y did n t\*4 ,aft] ,i f9i%$ my retreat ) ! ,ursul9es at ,tonon1 ,i return$ ?r\gh ,g5eva &1 hav+ f\nd no o!r means ( conveyance1 ! ,fr5* resid5t l5t me a horse4 ,z ,i knew n h[ to ride ,i made "s difficulty ( do+ x2 b z he assur$ me t x 0 a v quiet horse1 ,i v5tur$ to m\nt4 ,!re 0 a sort ( a smi?1 :o look+ at me ) a wild hagg>d look1 /ruck ! horse a bl[ on ! back1 j z ,i _h got ^u him1 :i* made him give a leap4 ,he ?rew me on ! gr\nd ) su* =ce t !y ?\ght ,i 0 kill$4 ,i fell on my temple4 ,my *eekbone & two ( my tee? 7 brok54 ,i 0 support$ by an invisible h& & 9 a little "t ,i m\nt$ z well z ,i c\ld on ano!r horse & _h a man by my side to keep me up4 ,my relations left me 9 peace at ,gex4 ,!y _h he>d at ,p>is ( my miracul\s cure2 x made a great noise !re4 ,_m p]sons 9 reputation = sanctity !n wrote to me4 ,i receiv$ lett]s f ,mademoiselle ,de ,lamoignon1 & ano!r "y lady1 :o 0 s mov$ ) my answ]1 t %e s5t me a hundr$ pi/oles = our h\se1 & let me "k besides t1 :5 we want$ money1 ,i _h only to write to h]2 & t %e w\ld s5d me all ,i c\ld desire4 ,!y talk$ 9 ,p>is ( pr9t+ an acc\nt ( ! sacrifice ,i _h made1 & ins]t+ 9 x ! miracle ( my sudd5 recov]y4 ,i don't "k :at prev5t$ x2 b su* is ! incon/ancy ( ! creature1 t ?is j\rney1 :i* drew ^u me at t "t s mu* applause1 has s]v$ = a pretext = ! /range condemnation :i* has s9ce pass$ ^u me4 ,,*apt] #e ,my ne> relations did n signify any eag] desire = my return4 ,! fir/ ?+ !y propos$ to me1 a mon? aft] my arrival at ,gex1 0 n only to give up my gu>dian%ip1 b to make ov] all my e/ate to my *ildr5 & to res]ve an annuity to myself4 ,?is proposition1 com+ f p :o reg>d$ no?+ b _! own int]e/1 to "s might h appe>$ v unpleas+2 b x 0 9 no wise s to me4 ,i _h n any fri5d to advise )4 ,i knew n anyone :om ,i c\ld consult ab\t ! mann] ( execut+ ! ?+1 z ,i 0 q free & will+ to d x4 ,x appe>$ to me t ,i _h n[ ! means ( accompli%+ ! extreme desire ,i _h ( be+ con=mable to ,jesus ,*ri/1 poor1 nak$1 & /ripp$ ( all4 ,!y s5t me an article to execute1 :i* _h be5 drawn "u _! inspection1 & ,i innoc5tly sign$ x1 n p]ceiv+ "s clauses :i* 7 ins]t$ !re94 ,x express$ t1 :5 my *ildr5 %\ld die1 ,i %\ld inh]it no?+ ( my own e/ate1 b t x %\ld revolve to my k9dr$4 ,!re 7 _m o!r ?+s1 :i* appe>$ to be equally to my disadvantage4 ,?\gh :at ,i _h res]v$ to myself 0 suffici5t to support me 9 ?is place2 yet x 0 sc>cely en\gh to d s 9 "s o!r places4 ,i !n gave up my e/ate ) m joy1 = be+ !reby con=m$ to ,jesus ,*ri/1 ?an !y c\ld h :o ask$ x f me4 ,x is :at ,i h nev] rep5t$ (1 nor _h any uneas9ess ab\t4 ,:at pleasure to lose all = ! ,"l6 ,! love ( pov]ty1 ?us contract$1 is ! k+dom ( tranquillity4 ,i =got to m5tion t t[>d ! end ( my mis]able /ate ( privation1 :5 j ready to ent] into newness ( life1 our ,"l illum9at$ me s cle>ly to see t ! ext]ior crosses came f ,him1 t ,i c\ld n h>bor any res5tm5t aga9/ ! p]sons :o procur$ me !m4 ,on ! contr>y1 ,i felt ! t5d]ness ( compassion = !m1 & _h m pa9 = ^? afflictions :i* ,i innoc5tly caus$ to !m1 ?an = any :i* !y _h heap$ ^u me4 ,i saw t ^! p]sons fe>$ ! ,"l too mu* to oppress me z !y did1 _h !y kn[n x4 ,i saw ,8 h& 9 x1 & ,i felt ! pa9 :i* !y suff]$1 ?r\gh ! contr>iety ( _! humors4 ,x is h>d to conceive ! t5d]ness :i* ! ,"l gave me = !m1 & ! desire :i* ,i h _h1 ) ! utmo/ s9c]ity1 to procure !m e sort ( advantage4 ,aft] ! accid5t :i* befell me 7fall f ! horse7 f :i* ,i soon wond]fully recov]$1 ! ,devil began to decl>e himself m op5ly m9e enemy1 to break loose & become outrage\s4 ,"o night1 :5 ,i lea/ ?\ght ( x1 some?+ v mon/r\s & frightful pres5t$ itself4 ,x seem$ a k9d face1 :i* 0 se5 by a glimm]+ bluei% light4 ,i don't "k :e!r ! flame itself compos$ t horrible face or appe>ance2 = x 0 s mix$ & pass$ by s rapidly1 t ,i c\ld n disc]n x4 ,my s\l re/$ 9 its calm situation & assurance1 & x appe>$ no m aft] t mann]4 ,z ,i arose at midnight to pray1 ,i he>d frightful noises 9 my *amb] & aft] ,i _h la9 d[n !y 7 /ill worse4 ,my b$ (t5 %ook = a qu>t] ( an h\r at a "t1 & ! sa%es 7 all bur/4 ,e morn+ :ile ?is cont9u$1 !y 7 f\nd %att]$ & torn1 yet ,i felt no fe>4 ,i arose & light$ my wax c&le at a lamp :i* ,i kept 9 my room1 because ,i _h tak5 ! (fice ( sacri/an & ! c>e ( wak+ ! si/]s at ! h\r !y 7 to rise1 )\t hav+ once fail$ 9 x = my indispositions1 ev] be+ ! fir/ 9 all ! obs]vances4 ,i made use ( my little light to look all ov] ! room & at ! sa%es1 at ! v "t ! noise 0 /ronge/4 ,z he saw t ,i 0 afraid ( no?+1 he left (f all on a sudd51 & attack$ me no m 9 p]son4 ,b he /irr$ up m5 aga9/ me1 & t succe$$ f> bett] ) him2 = he f\nd !m dispos$ to d :at he prompt$ !m to1 zeal\sly1 inasmu* z !y c\nt$ x a good ?+ to d me ! wor/ ( injuries4 ,"o ( ! si/]s :om ,i _h br\ght ) me1 a v beautiful girl1 contract$ an intimacy ) an ecclesia/ic1 :o _h au?ority 9 ?is place4 ,at fir/ he inspir$ h] ) an av]sion = me1 be+ well assur$ t if %e plac$ confid5ce 9 me1 ,i %\ld advise h] n to suff] 8 visits s frequ5tly4 ,%e 0 und]tak+ a religi\s retreat4 ,t ecclesia/ic 0 desir\s to induce h] to make x1 9 ord] to ga9 h] entire confid5ce1 :i* w\ld h s]v$ z a cloak to 8 frequ5t visits4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva _h giv5 ,fa!r ,la ,combe = director to our h\se4 ,z he 0 go+ to cause retreats to be made1 ,i desir$ h] to wait = him4 ,z ,i _h ga9$ "s %>e 9 h] e/eem1 %e submitt$ ev5 aga9/ h] incl9ation1 :i* 0 to h made x "u ?is ecclesia/ic4 ,i began to talk to h] on ! subject ( inw>d pray]1 & drew h] into ! practice ( ?is duty4 ,our ,"l gave su* a bless+ !reto1 t ?is girl gave h]self to ,god 9 "r e>ne/1 & ) h] :ole he>t & ! retreat completely won h] ov]4 ,%e !n became m res]v$1 & on h] gu>d1 t[>d ?is ecclesia/ic1 :i* exce$+ly vex$ him4 ,x enrag$ him bo? aga9/ ,fa!r ,la ,combe & me4 ,?is prov$ ! s\rce ( ! p]secutions :i* aft]w>d befell me4 ,! noise 9 my *amb]1 :i* may h be5 trac$ to him1 end$ z ^! comm5c$4 ,?is ecclesia/ic began to talk privately ( me ) mu* contempt4 ,i knew x1 b took no notice4 ,!re came a c]ta9 fri> to see him1 :o mortally hat$ ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 on acc\nt ( 8 regul>ity4 ,^! comb9$ toge!r to =ce me to quit ! h\se1 t !y might become ma/]s ( x4 ,all ! means !y c\ld devise !y us$ = t purpose4 ,my mann] ( life 0 su*1 t 9 ! h\se ,i did n m$dle 9 affairs at all1 leav+ ! si/]s to dispose ( ! temporalities z !y pleas$4 ,soon aft] my entrance into x ,i receiv$ eighte5 hundr$ livres1 :i* a lady1 a fri5d ( m9e1 l5t me to complete our furniture1 :i* ,i _h repaid h] at my late giv+ up ( my e/ate4 ,?is sum !y receiv$1 z well z :at ,i _h be=e giv5 !m4 ,i sometimes spoke a little to ^? :o retir$ ?i!r to become ,ca?olics4 ,our ,"l favor$ ) s mu* b5$iction :at ,i said to !m1 t "s1 :om !y knew n be=e :at to make (1 became s5sible1 solid wom51 & exempl>y 9 piety4 ,i saw crosses 9 abundance likely to fall to my lot4 ,at ! same "t ^! words came1 ,:o = ! joy t 0 set be=e him endur$ ! cross4 ,heb4 #ab3b4 ,i pro/rat$ myself = a long "t ) my face on ! gr\nd1 e>ne/ly desir+ to receive all ?y /rokes4 ,oh1 ,?\ :o sp>$ n ?9e own son6 ,?\ c\ld/ f9d none b ,him wor?y ( ,!e1 & ?\ /ill f9de/ 9 ,him he>ts prop] = !e4 ,a few days aft] my arrival at ,gex1 ,i saw 9 a sacr$ & my/]i\s dream 7= z su* ,i v well di/+ui%$ x7 ,fa!r ,la ,combe fa/5$ up to an enorm\s cross1 /ripp$ 9 l mann] z !y pa9t our ,savi\r4 ,i saw ar\nd x a frightful cr[d1 :i* cov]$ me ) confusion1 & ?rew back on me ! ignom9y ( 8 puni%m5t4 ,he seem$ to h mo/ pa91 b ,i m reproa*es ?an he4 ,i h s9ce beheld ?is fully accompli%$4 ,! ecclesia/ic won ov] to 8 p>ty "o ( our si/]s1 :o 0 ! h\se-/ew>d & soon aft] ! prioress4 ,i 0 v delicate1 ! good incl9ation :i* ,i _h did n give /r5g? to my body4 ,i _h two maids to s]ve me2 yet1 z ! community _h ne$ ( "o ( !m = _! cook1 & ! o!r to att5d ! door & o!r occasions1 ,i gave !m up1 n ?9k+ b !y w\ld all[ !m to s]ve me sometimes4 ,besides ?is1 ,i let !m /ill receive all my income1 !y hav+ _h my fir/ half ( ?is ye>'s annuity4 ,yet !y w\ld n p]mit ei!r ( my maid-s]vants1 to d any?+ = me4 ,by my (fice ( sacri/an ,i 0 oblig$ to sweep ! *ur*1 :i* 0 l>ge1 & !y w\ld n let anyone help me4 ,i h sev]al times fa9t$ ov] ! broom & h be5 =c$ to re/ 9 corn]s4 ,?is oblig$ me to beg !m1 t !y w\ld suff] x sometimes to be swept by "s ( ! /rong c\ntry girls1 ,new ,ca?olics1 to :i* at la/ !y _h ! *>ity to cons5t4 ,:at mo/ emb>rass$ me 0 t ,i nev] _h wa%$4 ,i 0 n[ oblig$ to wa% all ! ve/ry l954 ,i took "o ( my maids to help me1 because 9 attempt+ x ,i _h done up ! l95 mo/ awkw>dly4 ,^! si/]s pull$ h] by ! arms out ( my *amb]1 tell+ h] %e %\ld d h] own "w4 ,i let x quietly pass1 )\t mak+ any objection4 ,! o!r good si/]1 ! girl ,i j m5tion$1 grew m & m f]v5t4 ,by ! practice ( pray] 9 h] d$ication ( h]self to ! ,"l %e became m & m t5d] 9 h] sympa?y ) me4 ,x irritat$ ?is ecclesia/ic4 ,aft] all 8 impot5t attempts "h1 he w5t (f to ,annecy1 9 ord] to s[ discord1 & to effect m mis*ief to ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,,*apt] #f ,he w5t directly to ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 :o till !n _h manife/$ mu* e/eem & k9dness = me4 ,he p]suad$ him1 t x w\ld be prop] to secure me to t h\se1 to oblige me to give up to x ! annual income ,i _h res]v$ to myself2 to engage me !reto1 by mak+ me prioress4 ,he _h ga9$ su* an asc5dancy ov] ! ,bi%op1 t ! p 9 ! c\ntry call$ him ! ,little ,bi%op4 ,he drew him to ent] he>tily & ) zeal into ?is proposition1 & to resolve to br+ x ab\t :atev] x %\ld co/4 ,! ecclesia/ic1 hav+ s f> c>ri$ 8 po9t1 & be+ swell$ ) 8 success1 no long] kept any measures 9 reg>d to me4 ,he began ) caus+ all ! lett]s :i* ,i s5t1 & ^? :i* 7 direct$ to me1 to be /opp$4 ,t 0 9 ord] to h x 9 8 p[] to make :at impressions he pleas$ on ! m9ds ( o!rs1 & t ,i %\ld nei!r be able to "k x1 nor to def5d myself1 nor to give or s5d to my fri5ds any acc\nt ( ! mann] 9 :i* ,i 0 treat$4 ,"o ( ! maids ,i _h br\ght want$ to return4 ,%e c\ld h no re/ 9 ?is place1 ! o!r t rema9$ 0 infirm1 too mu* tak5 up by o!rs to help me 9 any?+4 ,z ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 soon to come1 ,i ?\ght he w\ld s(t5 ! viol5t _s ( ?is man1 & t he w\ld give me prop] advice4 ,9 ! meantime !y propos$ to me ! engagem5t1 & ! po/ ( prioress4 ,i answ]$1 t z to ! engagem5t x 0 impossible = me1 s9ce my vocation 0 else:]e4 ,& ,i c\ld n regul>ly be ! prioress1 till aft] pass+ ?r\gh ! novitiate1 9 :i* !y _h all s]v$ two ye>s be=e _! be+ engag$4 ,:5 ,i %\ld h done z mu*1 ,i %\ld see h[ ,god w\ld inspire me4 ,! prioress repli$ q t>tly1 t if ,i w\ld ev] leave !m x 7 be/ = me to d x imm$iately4 ,yet ,i did n (f] to retire1 b cont9u$ /ill to act z usual4 ,i saw ! sky gradually ?ick5+ & /orms ga!r+ on e side4 ,! prioress !n affect$ a mild] air4 ,%e assur$ me1 t %e _h a desire1 z well z ,i1 to g to ,g5eva2 t ,i %\ld n engage1 b only promise h] to take h] ) me1 if ,i w5t ?i!r4 ,%e pret5d$ to place a great confid5ce 9 me1 & pr(ess$ a high e/eem = me4 ,z ,i am v free1 & h no?+ b uprightness1 ,i let h] "k t ,i _h no attraction = ! mann] ( life ( ! ,new ,ca?olics1 by reason ( ! intrigues f )\t4 ,sev]al ?+s did n please me1 because ,i want$ !m to be upright 9 ev]y?+4 ,%e signifi$ t %e did n cons5t to su* ?+s1 b because t ecclesia/ic told h] !y 7 necess>y to give ! h\se a cr$it 9 di/ant p>ts & to draw *>ities f ,p>is4 ,i answ]$ t if we walk$ uprightly ,god w\ld nev] fail u4 ,he w\ld soon] d miracles = u4 ,i rem>k$ to h] t :51 in/ead ( s9c]ity1 !y _h rec\rse to artifice1 *>ity grew cold1 & kept h]self %ut up4 ,x is ,god alone :o inspires *>ity2 h[1 !n1 is x to be drawn by disguises8 ,soon aft]1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe came ab\t ! retreats4 ,?is 0 ! ?ird & la/ "t t he came to ,gex4 ,?is prioress1 aft] %e _h be5 tamp]+ a good deal ) me1 hav+ writt5 him a long lett] be=e 8 com+1 & receiv$ 8 answ]1 :i* %e %[$ me1 n[ w5t to ask him :e!r %e w\ld "o day be unit$ to me at ,g5eva4 ,he answ]$ ) 8 usual uprightness1 ,our ,"l has made x kn[n to me t y %all nev] be e/abli%$ at ,g5eva4 ,soon aft] %e di$4 ,:5 he _h utt]$ ?is decl>ation1 %e appe>$ enrag$ aga9/ bo? him & me4 ,%e w5t directly to t ecclesia/ic1 :o 0 9 a room ) ! h\se-/ew>d2 & !y took _! measures toge!r1 to oblige me ei!r to engage or retire4 ,!y ?\ght t ,i w\ld soon] engage ?an retire1 & !y wat*$ my lett]s4 ,) a design to lay sn>es = him1 he reque/$ ,fa!r ,la ,combe to prea*4 ,he did on ?is text ,! ,k+'s daught] is beautiful )94 ,t ecclesia/ic1 :o 0 pres5t ) 8 confidant1 said t x 0 prea*$ aga9/ him1 & 0 full ( errors4 ,he drew up eight propositions1 & ins]t$ 9 !m :at ! o!r _h n prea*$1 adju/+ !m z malici\sly z ev] he c\ld1 !n s5t !m to "o ( 8 fri5ds 9 ,rome1 to get !m exam9$ by ! ,sacr$ ,congregation1 & by ! ,inquisition4 ,?\gh he _h v illy dige/$ !m1 at ,rome !y 7 pron\nc$ good4 ,t greatly disappo9t$ & vex$ him4 ,aft] hav+ be5 treat$ 9 ?is mann]1 & opprobri\sly revil$ by him 9 ! mo/ (f5sive t]ms1 ! ,fa!r1 ) mu* mildness & humility1 told him t he 0 go+ to ,annecy ab\t "s affairs ( ! conv5t4 ,if he _h any?+ to write to ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 he w\ld take c>e ( 8 lett]4 ,he !n desir$ him to wait a:ile1 z he 0 go+ to write4 ,! good ,fa!r _h ! pati5ce to wait above ?ree h\rs1 )\t he>+ f him2 ?\gh he _h treat$ him exce$+ly ill1 s f> z to snat* out ( 8 h&s a lett] ,i _h giv5 him = t wor?y h]mit ,i h m5tion$4 ,he>+ he 0 n gone1 b 0 /ill 9 ! *ur*1 ,i w5t to him1 & begg$ him to s5d to see if ! o!r's packet 0 ready4 ,! day 0 s f> gone t he w\ld be oblig$ to lodge by ! way4 ,:5 ! mess5g] arriv$1 he f\nd a s]vant ( ! ecclesia/ic on horseback1 ord]$ to g at full spe$1 to be at ,annecy be=e ! ,fa!r4 ,he !n return$ an answ]1 t he _h no lett]s to s5d by him4 ,?is 0 s contriv$1 t he might ga9 "t to prepossess ! ,bi%op = 8 purposes4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe !n set (f = ,annecy1 & on 8 arrival f\nd ! ,bi%op prepossess$1 & 9 an ill humor4 ,?is 0 ! sub/ance ( ! disc\rse4 ,,bi%op--,y mu/ absolutely engage ?is lady to give :at %e has to ! h\se at ,gex1 & make h] ! prioress ( x4 ,f4 ,,la ,,combe--,my "l1 y "k :at %e has told y h]self ( h] vocation1 bo? at ,p>is & 9 ?is c\ntry4 ,i !re=e d n believe t %e w engage2 nor is !re any likelihood t1 aft] quitt+ h] all1 9 ! hope ( ent]+ ,g5eva1 %e %\ld engage else:]e1 & !reby put x out ( h] p[] to accompli% ! designs ( ,god 9 reg>d to h]4 ,%e has (f]$ to /ay ) ^? si/]s z a bo>d]4 ,if !y are will+ to keep h] z su*1 %e w rema9 ) !m2 if n1 %e is resolv$ to retire into "s conv5t1 till ,god %all dispose ( h] o!rwise4 ,,bi%op--,i "k all t2 b ,i likewise "k t %e is s v ob$i5t1 t1 if y ord] h]1 %e w assur$ly d x4 ,f4 ,,la ,,combe--,x is = t reason1 my "l1 t "o ought to be v cauti\s 9 ! comm&s :i* !y lay on h]4 ,c ,i induce a =eign lady1 :o1 = all h] subsi/5ce1 has no?+ b a small pittance %e has res]v$ to h]self1 to give t up 9 favor ( a h\se :i* is n yet e/abli%$1 & p]haps nev] w be8 ,if ! h\se %\ld happ5 to fail1 or be no long] ( use1 :at %all t lady live on8 ,%all %e g to ! hospital8 ,& inde$ ?is h\se w n long be ( any use1 s9ce !re are no ,prote/ants 9 any "p ( ,france ne> x4 ,,bi%op--,^! reasons are good = no?+4 ,if y d n make h] d :at ,i h said1 ,i w degrade & susp5d y4 ,?is mann] ( speak+ some:at surpris$ ! ,fa!r4 ,he well en\gh und]/&s ! rules ( susp5sion1 :i* is n execut$ on su* ?+s4 ,he repli$3 ,my "l1 ,i am ready1 n only to suff] ! susp5sion1 b ev5 dea?1 r ?an d any?+ aga9/ my consci5ce4 ,hav+ said t1 he retir$4 ,he directly s5t me ?is acc\nt by an express1 to ! end t ,i might take prop] measures4 ,i _h no o!r c\rse to take b to retire into a conv5t4 ,i receiv$ a lett] in=m+ me t ! nun to :om ,i _h entru/$ my daught] _h fall5 sick1 & desir+ me to g to h] = "s "t4 ,i %[$ ?is lett] to ! si/]s ( our h\se1 tell+ !m t ,i _h a m9d to g2 b if !y ceas$ to p]secute me1 & w\ld leave ,fa!r ,la ,combe 9 peace1 ,i w\ld return z soon z ! mi/ress ( my daught] %\ld be recov]$4 ,in/ead ( ?is1 !y p]secut$ me m viol5tly1 wrote to ,p>is aga9/ me1 /opp$ all my lett]s1 & s5t libels aga9/ me ar\nd ! c\ntry4 ,! day aft] my arrival at ,tonon1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe set (f = ! valley ( ,a\/1 to prea* !re 9 ,l5t4 ,he _h come to take leave ( me1 & told me t he %\ld g f !nce to ,rome1 & p]haps n return1 z 8 sup]iors might deta9 him !re2 t he 0 sorry to leave me 9 a /range c\ntry1 )\t succor1 & p]secut$ ( ev]yone4 ,i repli$1 ,my fa!r1 t gives me no pa92 ,i use ! creatures = ,god1 & by ,8 ord]4 ,?r\gh ,8 m]cy1 ,i d v well )\t !m1 :5 ,he )draws !m4 ,i am v well cont5t$ nev] to see y1 & to abide "u p]secution1 if su* be ,8 w4 ,he said he w\ld g well satisfi$ to see me 9 su* a disposition1 & !n dep>t$4 ,z soon z ,i got to ! ,ursul9es1 a v ag$ & pi\s prie/1 :o = tw5ty ye>s pa/ _h n come out ( 8 solitude1 came to f9d me4 ,he told me t he _h a vision relative to me2 t he _h se5 a woman 9 a boat on ! lake2 & t ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 ) "s ( 8 prie/s1 ex]t$ all _! ef=ts to s9k ! boat %e 0 91 & to dr[n h]2 t he cont9u$ 9 ?is vision above two h\rs1 ) pa9 ( m9d2 t x seem$ sometimes z if ?is woman 7 q dr[n$1 z = "s "t %e q disappe>$2 b aft]w>d %e appe>$ aga91 & ready to escape ! dang]1 :ile ! ,bi%op nev] ceas$ to pursue h]4 ,?is woman 0 always equally calm2 b he nev] saw h] entirely free f him4 ,f :5ce ,i conclude1 add$ he1 t ! ,bi%op w p]secute y )\t int]mission4 ,i _h an intimate fri5d1 wife ( t gov]nor ( :om ,i h made "s m5tion4 ,z %e saw ,i _h quitt$ ev]y?+ = ,god1 %e _h a w>m desire to foll[ me4 ,) dilig5ce did %e dispose ( all h] effects & settle h] affairs 9 ord] to come to me2 b :5 %e he>d ( ! p]secution1 %e 0 disc\rag$ f com+ to a place1 f :5ce %e ?\ght ,i %\ld be oblig$ to retire4 ,soon aft] %e di$4 ,,*apt] #g ,aft] ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 gone1 ! p]secution rais$ aga9/ me became m viol5t4 ,b ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva /ill %[$ me "s civilities1 z well to try :e!r he c\ld prevail on me to d :at he desir$1 z to s\nd out h[ matt]s pass$ 9 ,france1 & to prejudice ! m9ds ( ! p !re aga9/ me1 prev5t+ me f receiv+ ! lett]s s5t me4 ,! ecclesia/ic & 8 family _h tw5ty-two int]cept$ lett]s1 op5$1 on _! table4 ,!re 0 "o :]e9 0 s5t me a p[] ( attorney to sign1 ( imm$iate consequ5ce4 ,!y 7 oblig$ to put x "u ano!r cov]1 & s5d x to me4 ,! bi%op wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,mo!1 & _h no difficulty to draw him into 8 p>ty4 ,he 0 displeas$ ) me on two acc\nts4 ,fir/1 t ,i _h n settl$ on him a p5sion1 z he expect$1 & z he told me v r\ghly sev]al times4 ,second1 ,i did n take 8 advice 9 ev]y?+4 ,he at once decl>$ aga9/ me4 ,! bi%op made him 8 confidant4 ,x 0 he :o utt]$ & spread abroad ! news ab\t me4 ,!y imag9$1 z 0 suppos$1 t ,i w\ld annul ! donation ,i _h made1 if ,i return$2 t1 hav+ ! support ( fri5ds 9 ,france1 ,i w\ld f9d ! means ( break+ x2 b 9 t !y 7 mu* mi/ak54 ,i _h no ?\ght ( lov+ any?+ b ! pov]ty ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,= "s "t yet1 ! ,fa!r act$ ) caution t[>d me4 ,he wrote me "s lett]s1 :i* he address$ to ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 & !y agre$ s toge!r1 t he 0 ! only p]son f :om ,i receiv$ any lett]s1 to :i* ,i return$ v mov+ answ]s4 ,he1 in/ead ( be+ t\*$ ) !m1 became only m irritat$ aga9/ me4 ,! bi%op cont9u$ to treat me ) a %[ ( respect2 yet at ! same "t he wrote to _m p]sons 9 ,p>is1 z did also ! si/]s ( ! h\se1 to all ^? p]sons ( piety :o _h writt5 lett]s to me1 to bias !m z mu* z possible aga9/ me4 ,to avoid ! blame :i* ought naturally to fall ^u !m = hav+ s unwor?ily treat$ a p]son :o h giv5 up ev]y?+ to devote h]self to ! s]vice ( t diocese4 ,aft] ,i _h done ?is1 & 0 n 9 a condition to return to ,france1 !y treat$ me extremely ill 9 e respect4 ,!re 0 sc>cely any k9d ( false or fabul\s /ory1 likely to ga9 any cr$it1 :i* !y did n inv5t to cry me d[n4 ,beside my hav+ no way to make ! tru? kn[n 9 ,france1 our ,"l inspir$ me ) a will+ness to suff] ev]y?+1 )\t ju/ify+ myself2 s t 9 my case no?+ 0 he>d b condemnation1 )\t any v9dication4 ,i 0 9 ?is conv5t1 & _h se5 ,fa!r ,la ,combe no fur!r ?an ,i h m5tion$2 yet !y did n cease to publi%1 bo? ( him & me1 ! mo/ sc&al\s /ories2 z utt]ly false z any?+ c\ld be1 = he 0 !n a hundr$ & fifty leagues f me4 ,= "s "t ,i 0 ignorant ( ?is4 ,z ,i knew t all my lett]s 7 kept f me1 ,i ceas$ to wond] at receiv+ none4 ,i liv$ 9 ?is h\se ) my little daught] 9 a sweet repose1 :i* 0 a v great favor ( ,provid5ce4 ,my daught] _h =gott5 h] ,fr5*1 & among ! little girls f ! m\nta9s _h contract$ a wild look & disagreeable mann]s4 ,h] wit1 s5se & judgm5t1 7 inde$ surpris+1 & h] disposition exce$+ly good4 ,!re 7 only "s little fits ( peevi%ness1 :i* !y _h caus$ to arise 9 h]1 ?r\gh c]ta9 contr>ieties out ( season1 c>esses ill appli$1 & = want ( kn[+ ! prop] mann] ( education4 ,b ! ,"l provid$ 9 reg>d to h]4 ,dur+ ?is "t my m9d 0 pres]v$ calm & resign$ to ,god4 ,aft]w>d t good si/] almo/ cont9ually int]rupt$ me2 ,i answ]$ ev]y?+ %e desir$ ( me1 bo? out ( condesc5sion1 & f a pr9ciple :i* ,i _h to obey l a *ild4 ,:5 ,i 0 9 my ap>tm5t1 )\t any o!r director ?an our ,"l by ,8 ,_s1 z soon z "o ( my little *ildr5 came to knock at my door1 he requir$ me to admit ! int]ruption4 ,he %[$ me t x is n ! actions 9 !mselves :i* please ,him1 b ! con/ant ready ob$i5ce to e discov]y ( ,8 w1 ev5 9 ! m9ute/ ?+s1 ) su* a suppl5ess1 z n to /ick to any?+1 b /ill to turn ) ,him at e call4 ,my s\l 0 !n1 ,i ?\ght1 l a leaf1 or a fea!r1 :i* ! w9d moves :at way soev] x pleases & ! ,"l nev] suff]s a s\l s dep5d5t ^u1 & d$icat$ to ,him1 to be deceiv$4 ,mo/ m5 appe> to me v unju/1 :5 !y readily resign !mselves to ano!r man1 & look ^u t z prud5ce4 ,!y confide 9 m5 :o are no?+1 & boldly say1 ,su* a p]son _c be deceiv$4 ,b if "o speaks ( a s\l :olly resign$ to ,god1 :i* foll[s him fai?fully1 !y cry al\d1 ,t p]son is deceiv$ ) 8 resignation4 ,oh1 div9e ,love6 ,do/ ?\ want ei!r /r5g?1 fidelity1 love1 or wisdom1 to conduct ^? :o tru/ 9 !e & :o are ?y de>e/ *ildr58 ,i h se5 m5 bold en\gh to say1 ,foll[ me1 & y %all n be misl$4 ,h[ sadly are ^? m5 misl$ !mselves by _! presumption6 ,h[ mu* soon] %\ld ,i g to him :o w\ld be afraid ( mislead+ me2 :o tru/+ nei!r to 8 le>n+ nor exp]i5ce1 w\ld rely ^u ,god only6 ,our ,"l %[$ me1 9 a dream1 two ways by :i* s\ls /e] _! c\rse1 "u ! figure ( two drops ( wat]4 ,! "o appe>$ to me ( an unp>allel$ beauty1 brightness & purity2 ! o!r to h also a brightness1 yet full ( little /reaks2 bo? good to qu5* ?ir/2 ! =m] altoge!r pleasant1 b ! latt] n s p]fectly agreeable4 ,by ! =m] is repres5t$ ! way ( pure & nak$ fai?1 :i* pleases ! ,sp\se mu*1 x is s pure1 s cle> f all self-love4 ,! way ( emotions or gifts is n s2 yet x is t 9 :i* _m enlight5$ s\ls walk1 & into :i* !y _h drawn ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,b ,god %[$ me1 t ,he _h giv5 him to me1 to draw him into "o m pure & p]fect4 ,i spoke be=e ! si/]s1 he be+ pres5t1 ( ! way ( fai?1 h[ mu* m glori\s x 0 to ,god1 & advantage\s = ! s\l1 ?an all ^? gifts1 emotions & assurances1 :i* ev] cause u to live to self4 ,?is disc\rag$ !m at fir/ & him also4 ,i saw !y 7 pa9$1 z !y h confess$ to me s9ce4 ,i said no m ( x at t "t4 ,b1 z he is a p]son ( great humility1 he bid me unfold :at ,i _h want$ to say to him4 ,i told him a "p ( my dream ( ! two drops ( wat]2 yet1 he did n !n ent] into :at ,i said1 ! "t = x be+ n yet come4 ,:5 he came to ,gex1 x 0 to make ! retreats4 ,i told him ! circum/ances ( a c]ta9 "t pa/2 he recollect$ t x 0 ! "t ( s extraord9>y a t\* ) :i* ! ,"l favor$ him1 t he 0 q ov]:elm$ ) contrition4 ,?is gave him su* an int]ior r5ovation1 t hav+ retir$ to pray1 9 a v ard5t frame ( m9d1 he 0 fill$ ) joy1 & seiz$ ) a p[]ful emotion1 :i* made him ent] into :at ,i _h told him ( ! way ( fai?4 ,i give ^! ?+s1 z !y happ5 to come to my remembrance1 )\t c>ry+ !m on 9 ord]4 ,aft] ,ea/]1 9 #afhb1 ! bi%op came to ,tonon4 ,i _h occasion to speak to him1 :i* :5 ,i _h done1 our ,"l s po9t$ my words t he appe>$ ?or\ghly conv9c$4 ,b ! p]sons :o _h influ5c$ him be=e return$4 ,he !n press$ me v mu* to return to ,gex & to take ! place ( ,prioress4 ,i gave him ! reasons aga9/ x4 ,i !n appeal$ to him1 z a bi%op1 desir+ him to take c>e to reg>d no?+ b ,god 9 :at he %\ld say to me4 ,he 0 /ruck into a k9d ( confusion2 & !n said to me1 ,s9ce y speak to me 9 su* a mann]1 ,i _c advise y to x4 ,x is n = u to g contr>y to our vocations2 b d good1 ,i pray y1 to ?is h\se4 ,i promis$ him to d x4 ,hav+ receiv$ my p5sion1 ,i s5t !m a hundr$ pi/oles1 ) a design ( do+ ! same z long z ,i %\ld be 9 ! diocese4 ,! bi%op said to me1 ,i love ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,he is a true s]vant ( ,god & he has told me _m ?+s to :i* ,i 0 =c$ to ass5t = ,i felt !m 9 myself4 ,b1 add$ he1 :5 ,i say s1 !y tell me ,i am mi/ak51 & t be=e ! end ( six mon?s he w run mad4 ,he told me1 he approv$ ( ! nuns1 :i* _h be5 "u ! c>e & in/ruction ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 f9d+ !m to come up fully to :at he _h he>d ( !m4 ,f !nce ,i took occasion to tell him t 9 ev]y?+ he ought to ref] himself to 8 own brea/1 or to ! in/ructions !re imm$iately receiv$1 & n to o!rs4 ,he agre$ to :at ,i said1 & ackn[l$g$ x to be "r2 yet no soon] 0 he return$1 ?an1 s great 0 8 weakness t he re-ent]$ into 8 =m] dispositions4 ,he s5t ! same ecclesia/ic to tell me t ,i mu/ engage myself at ,gex2 t x 0 8 s5tim5t4 ,i answ]$1 t ,i 0 det]m9$ to foll[ ! c\nsel he _h giv5 me1 :5 he _h spok5 to me z f ,god1 s9ce n[ !y made him speak only z man4 ,,*apt] #h ,my s\l 0 9 a /ate ( entire resignation & v great cont5t1 9 ! mid/ ( su* viol5t tempe/s4 ,^? p]sons came to tell me a hundr$ extravagant /ories aga9/ ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,! m !y said to me to 8 disadvantage1 ! m e/eem ,i felt = him4 ,i answ]$ !m1 ,p]haps ,i may nev] see him aga91 b ,i %all ev] be glad to d him ju/ice4 ,x is n he :o h9d]s me f engag+ at ,gex4 ,x is only because ,i "k x to be none ( my vocation4 ,!y ask$ me1 ,:o c\ld "k t bett] ?an ! bi%op8 ,!y fur!r told me1 ,i 0 "u a deception1 & my /ate 0 good = no?+4 ,?is gave me no uneas9ess1 hav+ ref]r$ to ,god ! c>e ( requir+1 & ( exact+ :at ,he requires1 & 9 :atev] mann] ,he dem&s x4 ,a s\l 9 ?is /ate seeks no?+ = itself1 b all = ,god4 ,"s may say1 ,:at1 !n1 does ?is s\l8 ,x leaves itself to be conduct$ by ,god's provid5ces & creatures4 ,outw>dly1 its life seems q common2 inw>dly1 x is :olly resign$ to ! div9e w4 ,! m ev]y?+ appe>s adv]se1 & ev5 desp]ate1 ! m calm x is1 9 spite ( ! annoyance & pa9 ( ! s5ses & ( ! creatures1 :i*1 = "s "t aft] ! new life1 raise "s cl\ds & ob/ructions1 z ,i h already signifi$4 ,b :5 ! s\l is entirely pass$ into its orig9al ,be+1 all ^! ?+s no m cause any sep>ation or p>tition4 ,x f9ds no m ( t impurity :i* came f self-seek+1 f a human mann] ( act+1 f an ungu>d$ ^w1 f any w>m emotion or eag]ness1 :i* caus$ su* a mi/1 z x !n c\ld nei!r prev5t nor rem$y1 hav+ s (t5 exp]i5c$ its own ef=ts1 to be useless1 & ev5 hurtful1 z !y did no?+ else b sill m & m defile x4 ,!re is 9 su* case no o!r way or means ( rem$y1 b 9 wait+ till ! ,sun ( ,righte\sness dissipate ^? fogs4 ,! :ole "w ( purification comes f ,god only4 ,aft]w>d ?is conduct becomes natural2 !n ! s\l c say ) ! royal prophet1 ,?\gh an ho/ %\ld encamp aga9/ me1 my he>t %all n fe>4 ,?\gh w> %\ld rise up aga9/ me1 9 him w ,i confide4 ,= !n1 ?\gh assault$ on e side1 x cont9ues fix$ z a rock4 ,hav+ no w b = :at ,god sees meet to ord]1 be x :at x may1 high or l[1 great or small1 sweet or bitt]1 honor1 weal?1 life1 or any o!r object1 :at c %ake its peace8 ,x is true1 our nature is s crafty t x worms itself ?r\gh ev]y?+2 a selfi% sight is l ! basilisk's1 x de/roys4 ,trial are suit$ to ! /ate ( ! s\l1 :e!r conduct$ by lights1 gifts1 or ec/asies1 or by ! entire de/ruction ( self 9 ! way ( nak$ fai?4 ,bo? ^! /ates are f\nd 9 ! apo/le ,paul4 ,he tells u1 ,& le/ ,i %\ld be exalt$ above measure1 ?r\gh ! abundance ( revelations1 !re 0 giv5 to me a ?orn 9 ! fle%1 ! mess5g] ( ,satan to buffet me4 ,he pray$ ?rice1 & x 0 said to him1 ,my grace is suffici5t = !e2 = my /r5g? is made p]fect 9 weakness4 ,he prov$ also ano!r /ate :5 he ?us express$ himself1 ,oh1 wret*$ man t ,i am6 :o %all deliv] me f ! body ( ?is dea?8 ,to :i* he replies1 ,i ?ank ,god1 x is done ?r\gh ,jesus ,*ri/ our ,"l4 ,x is ,he :o conqu]s dea? 9 u ?r\gh ,8 own life4 ,!n !re is no long] a /+ 9 dea?1 or ?orn 9 ! fle%1 capable ( pa9+ or hurt+ any m4 ,at fir/ inde$1 & = a pretty long "t aft]1 ! s\l sees t nature wants to take "s "p ) x 9 its trials2 !n its fidelity consi/s 9 )hold+ x1 )\t all[+ x ! lea/ indulg5ce1 till x leaves ev]y?+ to g on ) ,god 9 purity z x comes f ,him4 ,till ! s\l be 9 ?is /ate1 x always sullies1 by its own mixture1 ! op]ation ( ,god2 l ^? rivulets :i* contract ! corruption ( ! places !y pass ?r\gh1 b1 fl[+ 9 a pure place1 !y !n rema9 9 ! purity ( _! s\rce4 ,unless ,god ?r\gh exp]i5ce1 makes kn[n ,8 guidance to ! s\l1 x c nev] compreh5d x4 ,oh1 if s\ls _h c\rage en\gh to resign !mselves to ! "w ( purification1 )\t hav+ any weak & fooli% pity on !mselves1 :at a noble1 rapid & happy progress w\ld !y make6 ,b few are will+ to lose ! e>?4 ,if !y advance "s /eps1 z soon z ! sea is ruffl$ !y are deject$2 !y ca/ an*or1 & (t5 desi/ f ! prosecution ( ! voyage4 ,su* disord]s do? selfi% int]e/ & self-love occasion4 ,x is ( consequ5ce n to look too mu* at "o's own /ate1 n to lose c\rage1 n to af=d any n\ri%m5t to self-love1 :i* is s deep-root$1 t its empire is n easily demoli%$4 ,(t5 ! idea :i* a man falsely conceives ( ! greatness ( 8 advancem5t 9 div9e exp]i5ce1 makes him want to be se5 & kn[n ( m51 & to wi% to see ! v same p]fection 9 o!rs4 ,he conceives too l[ ideas ( o!rs1 & too high ( 8 own /ate4 ,!n x becomes a pa9 to him to conv]se ) p too human2 :]eas1 a s\l truly mortifi$ & resign$ w\ld r conv]se ) ! wor/1 by ! ord] ( ,provid5ce1 ?an ) ! be/1 ( its own *oice2 want+ only to see or to speak to any z ,provid5ce directs1 kn[+ well t all beside1 f> f help+1 only hurt x1 or at lea/ prove v unfruitful to x4 ,:at1 !n1 r5d]s ?is s\l s p]fectly cont5t8 ,x nei!r kn[s1 nor wants to "k1 any?+ b :at ,god calls x to4 ,h]e9 x enjoys div9e cont5t1 aft] a mann] va/1 imm5se1 & indep5d5t ( ext]ior ev5ts2 m satisfi$ 9 its humiliation1 & 9 ! opposition ( all creatures1 by ! ord] ( ,provid5ce1 ?an on ! ?rone ( its own *oice4 ,x is "h t ! apo/olic life beg9s4 ,b d all rea* t /ate8 ,v few1 inde$1 z f> z ,i c compreh5d4 ,!re is a way ( lights1 gifts & graces1 a holy life 9 :i* ! creature appe>s all admirable4 ,z ?is life is m app>5t1 s x is m e/eem$ ( su*1 at lea/1 z h n ! pure/ light4 ,! s\ls :i* walk 9 ! o!r pa? are (t5 v little kn[n1 = a l5g? ( "t1 z x 0 ) ,jesus ,*ri/ ,himself1 till ! la/ ye>s ( ,8 life4 ,oh1 if ,i c\ld b express :at ,i conceive ( ?is /ate6 ,b ,i c only /amm] ab\t x4 ,,*apt] #i ,be+1 z ,i h said1 ) ! ,ursul9es at ,tonon1 aft] hav+ spok5 to ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 & see+ h[ he *ang$1 j z o!rs turn$ him1 ,i wrote to him & to ,fa!r ,la ,mo!2 b all my ef=ts 7 useless4 ,! m ,i endeavor$ to accommodate matt]s1 ! m ! ecclesia/ic tri$ to conf\nd !m1 h5ce ,i ceas$ to m$dle4 ,"o day ,i 0 told t ! ecclesia/ic _h won ov] ! good girl :om ,i de>ly lov$4 ,s /rong a desire ,i _h = h] p]fection t x _h co/ me mu*4 ,i %\ld n h felt ! dea? ( a *ild s mu* z h] loss2 at ! same "t ,i 0 told h[ to h9d] x1 b t human way ( act+ 0 repugnant to my inw>d s5se2 ^! words arose 9 my he>t1 ,except ! ,"l build ! h\se4 ,& inde$ ,he provid$ h]e9 ,himself1 h9d]+ h] f yield+ to ?is deceitful man1 aft] a mann] to be admir$1 & v ?w>t+ to ! designs ( him & 8 associates4 ,z long z ,i 0 ) h] %e /ill seem$ wav]+ & fe>ful2 b oh1 ! inf9ite goodness ( ,god1 to pres]ve )\t our aid :at )\t ,8 we %\ld inevitably lose6 ,i 0 no soon] sep>at$ f h]1 b %e became immovable4 ,z = me1 !re sc>cely pass$ a day b !y treat$ me ) new insults2 _! assaults came on me at unaw>es4 ,! ,new ,ca?olics1 by ! in/igation ( ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 ! ecclesia/ic1 & ! si/]s at ,gex1 /irr$ up all ! p]sons ( piety aga9/ me4 ,i _h b little uneas9ess on my own acc\nt4 ,if ,i c\ld h _h x at all1 x w\ld h be5 on acc\nt ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :om !y vilely asp]s$1 ?\gh he 0 abs5t4 ,!y ev5 made use ( 8 abs5ce1 to ov]set all ! good he _h done 9 ! c\ntry1 by 8 missions & pi\s labors1 :i* 7 inconceivably great4 ,at fir/ ,i 0 too ready to v9dicate him1 ?9k+ x ju/ice to d x4 ,i did n d x at all = myself2 & our ,"l %[$ me t ,i mu/ cease do+ x = him1 9 ord] to leave him to be m ?or\ghly annihilat$2 because f !nce he w\ld draw a great] glory1 ?an ev] he _h done f 8 own reputation4 ,e day !n inv5t$ "s new sl&]4 ,no k9d ( /ratagem1 or malici\s device 9 _! p[]1 did !y omit4 ,!y came to surprise & ensn>e me 9 my words2 b ,god gu>d$ me s well1 t !re9 !y only discov]$ _! own malevol5ce4 ,i _h no consolation f ! creatures4 ,%e :o _h ! c>e ( my daught] behav$ r\ghly to me4 ,su* are ! p]sons :o regulate !mselves only by _! gifts & emotions4 ,:5 !y d n see ?+s succe$1 & z !y reg>d !m only by _! success1 & are n will+ to h ! affront ( _! pret5sions be+ ?\gh unc]ta91 & liable to mi/ake1 !y seek )\t = supports4 ,z = me :o pret5d$ to no?+1 ,i ?\ght all succe$$ well1 inasmu* z all t5d$ to self-annihilation4 ,on ano!r side1 ! maid ,i _h br\ght1 & :o /ay$ ) me1 grew tir$ out4 ,want+ to g back aga91 %e /unn$ me ) h] compla9ts1 ?w>t+ & *id+ me f morn+ till night1 upbraid+ me ) :at ,i _h left1 & com+ to a place :]e ,i 0 good = no?+4 ,i 0 oblig$ to be> all h] ill-humor & ! clamor ( h] tongue4 ,my own bro!r1 ,fa!r ,la ,mo!1 wrote to me t ,i 0 rebel to my bi%op1 /ay+ 9 8 diocese only to give him pa94 ,inde$1 ,i saw !re 0 no?+ = me to d "h1 s long z ! bi%op %\ld be aga9/ me4 ,i did :at ,i c\ld to ga9 8 goodwill1 b ?is 0 impossible on any o!r t]ms ?an ! engagem5t he dem&$1 & t ,i knew to be my duty n to d4 ,?is1 jo9$ to ! poor education ( my daught]1 affect$ my he>t4 ,:5 any glimm]+ ( hope appe>$1 x soon vani%$2 & ,i ga9$ /r5g? f a sort ( despair4 ,dur+ ?is "t ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 at ,rome1 :]e he 0 receiv$ ) s mu* honor1 & 8 doctr9e 0 s highly e/eem$1 t ! ,sacr$ ,congregation 0 pleas$ to take 8 s5tim5ts on "s po9ts ( doctr9e1 :i* 7 f\nd to be s j1 & s cle>1 t x foll[$ !m4 ,mean:ile ! si/] w\ld take no c>e ( my daught]2 :5 ,i took c>e ( h] %e 0 displeas$4 ,i 0 n able1 by any means1 to prevail on h] to promise me t %e w\ld try to prev5t h] contract+ bad habits4 ,h[ev]1 ,i hop$ t ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 at 8 return1 w\ld br+ ev]y?+ into ord]1 & r5ew my consolation4 ,yet ,i left x all to ,god4 ,ab\t ,july1 #afhb1 my si/]1 :o 0 an ,ursul9e1 got p]mission to come4 ,%e br\ght a maid ) h]1 :i* 0 v seasonable4 ,my si/] assi/$ 9 ! education ( my daught]1 b %e _h frequ5t j>r+ ) h] tutoress--,i labor$ b 9 va9 = peace4 ,by "s in/ances :i* ,i met ) 9 ?is place1 ,i saw cle>ly t x is n great gifts :i* sanctify1 unless !y be accompani$ ) a pr(\nd humility2 t dea? to ev]y?+ is inf9itely m b5eficial2 = !re 0 "o :o ?\ght h]self at ! summit ( p]fection1 b has discov]$ s9ce1 by ! trials :i* h befall5 h]1 t %e 0 yet v f> f x4 ,o1 my ,god1 h[ true x is t we may h ( ,?y gifts1 & yet be v imp]fect1 & full ( ourselves6 ,h[ v /raight is ! gate :i* leads to a life 9 ,god6 ,h[ little "o mu/ be to pass ?r\gh x1 x be+ no?+ else b dea? to self6 ,b :5 we h pass$ ?r\gh x1 :at enl>gem5t d we f9d6 ,david said1 7,psalm #ah3ai7 ,he br\ght me =? into a l>ge place4 ,& x 0 ?r\gh humiliation & abasem5t t he 0 br\ght ?i!r4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 on 8 arrival1 came to see me4 ,! fir/ ?+ he said 0 ab\t 8 own weakness1 & t ,i mu/ return4 ,he add$1 t all seem$ d>k1 & !re 0 no likelihood t ,god w\ld make use ( me 9 ?is c\ntry4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,mo! to get me to return2 he wrote to me accord+ly to d x4 ,! fir/ ,l5t :i* ,i pass$ ) ! ,ursul9es1 ,i _h a v great pa9 9 my eyes2 = t same impo/hume :i* ,i =m]ly _h betwe5 ! eye & ! nose1 return$ ^u me ?ree times4 ,! bad air1 & ! noisome room :i* ,i 0 91 contribut$ h]eto4 ,my head 0 frightfully swell$1 b great 0 my inw>d joy4 ,x 0 /range to see s _m good creatures1 :o did n "k me1 love & pity me2 all ! re/ enrag$ aga9/ me1 & mo/ ( !m on reports entirely false1 nei!r kn[+ me1 nor :y !y s hat$ me4 ,to swell ! /ream ( affliction yet m1 my daught] fell sick & 0 likely to die2 !re 0 b little hope ( h] recov]y1 :5 h] mi/ress also fell ill4 ,my s\l1 leav+ all to ,god1 cont9u$ to re/ 9 a quiet & peaceable habitation4 ,oh1 ,pr9cipal & sole object ( my love6 ,7 !re nev] any o!r rew>d ( :at little s]vices we d1 or ( ! m>ks ( homage we r5d] ,!e1 ?an ?is fix$ /ate above ! vicissitudes 9 ! _w1 is x n en\gh8 ,! s5ses inde$ are sometimes ready to />t aside1 & to run (f l truants2 b e tr\ble flies be=e ! s\l :i* is entirely subject$ to ,god4 ,by speak+ ( a fix$ /ate1 ,i d n mean "o :i* c nev] decl9e or fall1 t be+ only 9 ,heav54 ,i call x fix$ & p]man5t1 comp>$ ) ! /ates :i* h prec$$ x1 :i* 7 full ( vicissitudes & v>iations4 ,i d n exclude a /ate ( suff]+ 9 ! s5ses1 or aris+ f sup]ficial impurity1 :i* rema9s to be done away1 & :i* "o may comp>e to ref9$ b t>ni%$ gold4 ,x has no m ne$ to be purifi$ 9 ! fire1 hav+ und]gone t op]ation2 b ne$s only to be burni%$4 ,s x seem$ to be ) me at t "t4 ,,*apt] #aj ,my daught] _h ! smallpox4 ,!y s5t = a physician f ,g5eva1 :o gave h] ov]4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe !n came 9 to visit1 & pray ) h]4 ,he gave h] 8 bless+2 soon aft] %e wond]fully recov]$4 ,! p]secution ( ! ,new ,ca?olics aga9/ me cont9u$ & increas$2 yet1 = all t1 ,i did n fail to d !m all ! good 9 my p[]4 ,my daught]'s mi/ress came (t5 to conv]se ) me1 b mu* imp]fection appe>$ 9 h] disc\rses1 ?\gh !y 7 on religi\s subjects4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe regulat$ _m ?+s 9 reg>d to my daught]1 :i* vex$ h] mi/ress s mu*1 t h] =m] fri5d%ip 0 turn$ into coldness4 ,%e _h grace1 b suff]$ nature too frequ5tly to prevail4 ,i told h] my ?\ght on h] faults1 z ,i 0 inw>dly direct$ to d2 b ?\gh1 at t "t1 ,god enlight5$ h] to see ! tru? ( :at ,i said1 & %e has be5 m enlight5$ s9ce1 yet ! return ( h] coldness t[>d me ensu$ ^u x4 ,! debates betwe5 h] & my si/] grew m t>t & viol5t4 ,my daught]1 :o 0 only six ye>s & a half old1 by h] little dext]ities f\nd a way to please !m bo?1 *oos+ to d h] ex]cises twice ov]1 fir/ ) ! "o1 !n ) ! o!r1 :i* cont9u$ n long2 = z h] mi/ress g5]ally neglect$ h]1 do+ ?+s at "o "t1 & leav+ !m at ano!r1 %e 0 r$uc$ to le>n only :at my si/] & ,i taught h]4 ,inde$ ! *angeabl5ess ( my si/] 0 s excessive1 t1 )\t great grace1 x 0 h>d to suit "o's self to x2 yet %e appe>$ to me to surm\nt h]self 9 _m ?+s4 ,=m]ly1 ,i c\ld sc>ce be> h] mann]s2 b ,i h s9ce lov$ ev]y?+ 9 ,god1 :o has giv5 me a v great facility to be> ! faults ( my neighbor1 ) a read9ess to please & oblige ev]yone & su* a compassion = _! calamities or di/resses z ,i nev] _h be=e4 ,i h no difficulty to use condesc5sion ) imp]fect p]sons2 ,i %\ld be secretly smitt5 if ,i fail$ !re92 b ) s\ls ( grace ,i _c be> ?is human mann] ( act+1 nor suff] long & frequ5t conv]sations4 ,x is a ?+ ( :i* few are capable4 ,"s religi\s p]sons say t ^! conv]sations are ( great s]vice4 ,i believe x may be true = "s1 b n = all2 = !re is a p]iod :]e9 x hurts1 especially :5 x is ( our own *oice2 ! human incl9ation corrupt+ ev]y?+4 ,! same ?+s :i* w\ld be pr(itable1 :5 ,god1 by ,8 ,_s1 draws to !m1 become q o!rwise1 :5 we ( ourselves ent] into !m4 ,?is appe>s to me s cle>1 t ,i pref] be+ a :ole day ) ! wor/ ( p]sons1 9 ob$i5ce to ,god1 be=e be+ "o h\r ) ! be/1 only f my own *oice & incl9ation4 ,! ord] ( div9e provid5ce makes ! :ole rule & conduct ( a s\l entirely devot$ to ,god4 ,:ile x fai?fully gives itself up !reto1 x w d all ?+s "r & well1 & w h ev]y?+ x wants1 )\t its own c>e2 because ,god 9 :om x confides1 makes x e mom5t d :at ,he requires1 & furni%es ! occasions prop] = x4 ,god loves :at is ( ,8 own ord]1 & ( ,8 own w1 n accord+ to ! idea ( ! m]ely rational or ev5 enlight5$ man2 = ,he hides ^! p]sons f ! eyes ( o!rs1 9 ord] to pres]ve !m 9 t hidd5 purity = ,himself4 ,b h[ comes x t su* s\ls commit any faults2 because !y are n fai?ful1 9 giv+ !mselves up to ! pres5t mom5t4 ,(t5 too eag]ly b5t on some?+1 or want+ to be ov]-fai?ful1 !y slide into _m faults1 :i* !y c nei!r =esee nor avoid4 ,does ,god !n leave s\ls :i* confide 9 ,him8 ,surely n4 ,soon] w\ld ,he "w a miracle to h9d] !m f fall+1 if !y 7 resign$ en\gh to ,him4 ,!y may be resign$ z to ! g5]al w1 & yet fail z to ! pres5t mom5t4 ,be+ out ( ! ord] ( ,god1 !y fall4 ,!y r5ew su* falls z long z !y cont9ue out ( t div9e ord]4 ,:5 !y return into x1 all goes "r & well4 ,mo/ assur$ly if su* s\ls 7 fai?ful en\gh1 n to let any ( ! mom5ts ( ! ord] ( ,god slip ov]1 !y w\ld n ?us fall4 ,?is appe>s to me z cle> z ! day4 ,z a dislocat$ bone out ( ! place 9 :i* ! economy ( div9e wisdom _h fix$ x1 gives cont9ual pa9 till re/or$ to its prop] ord]1 s ! _m tr\bles 9 life come f ! s\l n abid+ 9 its place1 & n be+ cont5t ) ! ord] ( ,god1 & :at is af=d$ !re9 f mom5t to mom5t4 ,if m5 rightly knew ?is secret1 !y w\ld all be fully cont5t & satisfi$4 ,b alas6 in/ead ( be+ cont5t ) :at !y h1 !y are ev] wi%+ = :at !y h n2 :ile ! s\l1 :i* ent]s into div9e light beg9s to be 9 p>adise4 ,:at is x t makes p>adise8 ,x is ! ord] ( ,god1 :i* r5d]s all ! sa9ts inf9itely cont5t1 ?\gh v unequal 9 glory6 ,f :5ce comes x t s _m poor indig5t p]sons are s cont5t$1 & t pr9ces & pot5tates1 :o ab\nd to pr(usion1 are s wret*$ & unhappy8 ,x is because ! man :o is n cont5t ) :at he has1 w nev] be )\t crav+ desires2 & he :o is ! prey ( an unsatisfi$ desire1 c nev] be cont5t4 ,all s\ls h m or less ( /rong & ard5t desires1 except ^? ^: w is lo/ 9 ! w ( ,god4 ,"s h good desires1 s z to suff] m>tyrdom = ,god2 o!rs ?ir/ = ! salvation ( _! neighbor1 & "s pant to see ,god 9 glory4 ,all ?is is excell5t4 ,b he :o re/s 9 ! div9e w1 al?\gh he may be exempt f all ^! desires1 is inf9itely m cont5t1 & glorifies ,god m4 ,x is writt5 conc]n+ ,jesus ,*ri/1 :5 he drove out ( ! temple ^? :o pr(an$ x4 ,! zeal ( ?9e h\se ha? eat5 me up4 ,john #b3ag4 ,x 0 9 t mom5t ( ! ord] ( ,god1 t ^! words _h _! effect4 ,h[ _m times _h ,jesus ,*ri/ be5 9 ! temple )\t su* a conduct8 ,does n ,he occasionally say ( ,himself1 t ,8 h\r 0 n yet come8 ,,*apt] #aa ,aft] ,fa!r ,la ,combe return$ f ,rome1 well approv$1 & furni%$ ) te/imonials ( life & doctr9e1 he p]=m$ 8 functions ( prea*+ & confess+ z usual4 ,i gave him an acc\nt ( :at ,i _h done & suff]$ 9 8 abs5ce1 & :at c>e ,god _h tak5 ( all my conc]ns4 ,i saw 8 provid5ce incessantly ext5d$ to ! v smalle/ ?+s4 ,aft] hav+ be5 sev]al mon?s )\t any news ( my pap]s1 :5 "s press$ me to write1 & blam$ my neglect1 an invisible h& held me back2 my peace & confid5ce 7 great4 ,i receiv$ a lett] f ! ecclesia/ic at home1 :i* in=m$ me t he _h ord]s to come & see me1 & br+ my pap]s4 ,i _h s5t to ,p>is = a pretty consid]able bundle ( ?+s = my daught]4 ,i he>d !y 7 lo/ on ! lake1 & c\ld le>n no fur!r tid+s ab\t !m4 ,i gave myself no tr\ble2 ,i always ?\ght !y w\ld be f\nd4 ,! man :o _h tak5 *>ge ( !m made a se>* aft] !m a :ole mon?1 9 all ! environs1 )\t he>+ any news4 ,at ! end ( ?ree mon?s !y 7 br\ght to me1 hav+ be5 f\nd 9 ! h\se ( a poor man1 :o _h n op5$ !m1 nor knew :o br\ght !m !re4 ,once ,i _h s5t = all ! money :i* 0 to s]ve me a :ole ye>2 ! p]son :o _h be5 to receive ca% = ! bill ( ex*ange1 hav+ put t money 9 two bags on horseback1 =got t x 0 !re1 & gave ! horse to a little boy to lead4 ,! money fell f ! horse 9 ! middle ( ! m>ket at ,g5eva4 ,t in/ant ,i arriv$1 com+ on ! o!r side1 & hav+ alight$ f my litt]1 ! fir/ ?+ ,i f\nd 0 my money4 ,:at 0 surpris+1 a great ?rong 0 9 ?is place & n "o _h p]ceiv$ x4 ,_m su* ?+s h att5d$ me4 ,^! acc\nts may suffice to %[ ! cont9ual protection ( ,god4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva cont9u$ to p]secute me4 ,:5 he wrote1 x 0 ) polit5ess & ?anks = my *>ities at ,gex2 :ile at ! same "t he said to o!rs t ,i gave no?+ to t h\se4 ,he wrote aga9/ me to ! ,ursul9es ) :om ,i liv$1 *>g+ !m to h9d] me f hav+ any conf]5ces ) ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,! sup]ior ( ! h\se1 a man ( m]it1 & ! prioress1 z well z ! community1 7 s irritat$ at ?is1 t !y c\ld n =be> te/ify+ x to him4 ,he !n excus$ himself ) a pret5d$ respect1 say+1 he did n mean x t way4 ,!y wrote to him t ,i did n see ! ,fa!r b at ! confessional1 & n 9 conf]5ce2 t !y 7 s mu* edifi$ by me1 z to ?9k !mselves happy 9 hav+ me1 & to e/eem x a great] favor f ,god4 ,:at !y said out ( pure *>ity 0 n pleas+ to ! ,bi%op1 :o1 see+ !y lov$ me 9 ?is h\se1 said1 t ,i won ov] ev]ybody to myself & t he wi%$ ,i 7 out ( ! diocese4 ,?\gh ,i knew all ?is1 & ^! good si/]s 7 tr\bl$ at x1 ,i c\ld h no tr\ble by reason ( ! calm e/abli%m5t :i* ,i 0 94 ,! w ( ,god r5d]+ ev]y?+ equal to me4 ,! creatures1 h[ev] unreasonable or passionate !y appe>1 n be+ reg>d$ 9 !mselves b 9 ,god2 an habitual fai? causes ev]y?+ to be se5 9 ,god )\t di/9ction4 ,?us1 :5 ,i see poor s\ls s ruffl$ = disc\rses 9 ! air1 s uneasy = explanations1 ,i pity !m4 ,!y h reasons1 ,i "k1 :i* self-love causes to appe> v j4 ,to relieve myself a little f ! fatigue ( cont9ual conv]sation1 ,i desir$ ,fa!r ,la ,combe to all[ me a retreat4 ,x 0 !n t ,i let myself be consum$ by love all ! day long4 ,also ,i p]ceiv$ ! quality ( a spiritual "m2 = ! ,"l gave me :at ,i _c express = ! p]fection ( s\ls4 ,?is ,i c\ld n hide f ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,x seem$ to me z if ,i ent]$ into ! inmo/ recesses ( 8 he>t4 ,our ,"l %[$ me he 0 ,8 s]vant1 *os5 among a ?\s&1 s+ul>ly to honor ,him2 b t ,he w\ld lead him ?r\gh total dea?1 & ! entire de/ruction ( ! old man4 ,he w\ld h me contribute !reto & be in/rum5tal to cause him to walk 9 ! way 9 :i* ,he _h l$ me fir/2 9 ord] t ,i might be 9 a condition to direct o!rs1 to tell !m ! way ?r\gh :i* ,i h pass$4 ,! ,"l w\ld h u to be con=m$1 & to become bo? "o 9 ,him2 ?\gh my s\l 0 m advanc$ n[1 yet he %\ld "o day pass beyond x1 ) a bold & rapid flight4 ,god kn[s ) :at joy ,i w\ld see my spiritual *ildr5 surpass _! "m4 ,9 ?is retreat ,i felt a /rong prop5sity to write1 b resi/$ x till ,i fell sick4 ,i _h no?+ to write ab\t1 n "o idea to beg9 )4 ,x 0 a div9e impulse1 ) su* a fulness ( grace z 0 h>d to conta94 ,i op5$ ?is disposition ( m9e to ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,he answ]$ t he _h a /rong impulse to comm& me to write1 b _h n d>$ to d x yet1 on acc\nt ( my weakness4 ,i told him1 t weakness 0 ! effect ( my resi/ance1 & ,i believ$ x w\ld1 ?r\gh my writ+1 g (f aga94 ,he ask$1 ,b :at is x y w write8 ,i repli$1 ,i "k no?+ ( x1 nor desire to "k1 leav+ x entirely to ,god to direct me4 ,he ord]$ me to d s4 ,at my tak+ ! p5 ,i knew n ! fir/ ^w ,i %\ld write2 :5 ,i began1 suitable matt] fl[$ copi\sly1 nay1 impetu\sly4 ,z ,i 0 writ+ ,i 0 reliev$ & grew bett]4 ,i wrote an entire treatise on ! int]ior pa? ( fai?1 "u ! comp>ison ( torr5ts1 or ( /reams & riv]s4 ,z ! way1 :]e9 ,god n[ conduct$ ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 0 v diff]5t f t 9 :i* he _h =m]ly walk$ 7all light1 k1 ardor1 assurance1 s5tim5t7 n[ ! poor1 l[1 despis$ pa? ( fai?1 & ( nak$ness2 he f\nd x v h>d to submit !reto4 ,:o c\ld express :at x has co/ my he>t be=e he 0 =m$ accord+ to ! w ( ,god8 ,mean:ile1 ! possession :i* ! ,"l _h ( my s\l became e day /rong]1 insomu* t ,i pass$ :ole days )\t be+ able to pron\nce "o ^w4 ,! ,"l 0 pleas$ to make me pass :olly into ,him by an entire int]nal trans=mation4 ,he became m & m ! absolute ma/] ( my he>t1 to su* a degree z n to leave me a movem5t ( my own4 ,?is /ate did n h9d] me f condesc5d+ to my si/]1 & ! o!rs 9 ! h\se4 ,nev]!less1 ! useless ?+s ) :i* !y 7 tak5 up c\ld n int]e/ me4 ,t 0 :at induc$ me to ask leave to make a retreat1 to let myself be possess$ ( ,him :o holds me s closely to ,himself aft] an ineffable mann]4 ,,*apt] #ab ,i _h at t "t s ard5t a desire = ! p]fection ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 & to see him ?or\ghly die to himself1 t ,i c\ld h wi%$ him all ! crosses & afflictions imag9able1 t might conduce to ?is great & bless$ end4 ,:5ev] he 0 unfai?ful1 or look$ at ?+s 9 any o!r light ?an ! true "o--to t5d to ?is dea? ( self--,i felt myself on ! rack1 :i*1 z ,i _h till !n be5 s indiff]5t1 v mu* surpris$ me4 ,to ! ,"l ,i made my compla9t2 ,he graci\sly enc\rag$ me1 bo? on ?is subject & on t entire dep5d5ce on ,himself :i* ,he gave me1 :i* 0 su* t ,i 0 l a new born infant4 ,my si/] _h br\ght me a maid1 :om ,god 0 will+ to give me to fa%ion accord+ to ,8 w1 n )\t "s crucifixion to myself4 ,i believe x nev] is to fall out1 t our ,"l w give me any p]sons )\t giv+ !m :]e) to make me suff]1 :e!r x be = ! purpose ( draw+ !m into a spiritual life1 or nev] to leave me )\t ! cross4 ,%e 0 "o on :om ! ,"l _h conf]r$ v s+ul> graces4 ,%e 0 9 high reputation 9 ! c\ntry1 :]e %e pass$ = a sa9t4 ,our ,"l br\ght h] to me1 to let h] see ! diff]5ce betwe5 ! sanctity conceiv$ & compris$ 9 ^? gifts1 ) :i* %e 0 end[$1 & t :i* is obta9$ by our entire de/ruction1 ev5 by ! loss ( ^? v gifts1 & ( all t rais$ u 9 ! e/eem ( m54 ,our ,"l _h giv5 h] ! same dep5d5ce on me1 z ,i _h 9 reg>d to ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,?is girl fell griev\sly sick4 ,i 0 will+ to give h] all ! assi/ance 9 my p[]1 b ,i f\nd ,i _h no?+ to d b to comm& h] bodily sickness1 or ! disposition ( h] m9d2 all t ,i said 0 done4 ,x 0 !n t ,i le>n$ :at x 0 to comm& by ! ,^w1 & to obey by ! ,^w4 ,x 0 ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 me equally comm&+ & obey+4 ,%e1 h[ev]1 cont9u$ sick = sometime4 ,"o day1 aft] d9n]1 ,i 0 mov$ to say to h]1 ,rise & be no long] sick4 ,%e arose & 0 cur$4 ,! nuns 7 v mu* a/oni%$4 ,!y knew no?+ ( :at _h pass$1 b saw h] walk+1 :o 9 ! morn+ _h appe>$ to be 9 ! la/ extremity4 ,!y attribut$ h] disord] to a vivid imag9ation4 ,i h at sundry times exp]i5c$1 & felt 9 myself1 h[ mu* ,god respects ! fre$om ( man1 ev5 dem&s 8 free concurr5ce2 = :5 ,i said1 ,be heal$1 or1 ,be free f y\r tr\bles1 if su* p]sons acquiesc$1 ! ,^w 0 efficaci\s1 & !y 7 heal$4 ,if !y d\bt$1 or resi/$1 ?\gh "u fair pretexts1 say+1 ,i %all be heal$ :5 x pleases ,god1 ,i w n be heal$ till ,he wills x2 or1 9 ! way ( despair1 ,i _c be heal$2 ,i w n quit my condition1 !n ! ,^w _h no effect4 ,i felt 9 myself t ! div9e virtue retir$ 9 me4 ,i exp]i5c$ :at our ,"l said1 :5 ! woman afflict$ ) ! issue ( blood t\*$ him4 ,he in/antly ask$1 ,:o t\*$ me8 ,! apo/les said1 ,ma/]1 ! multitude ?rong !e1 & press !e2 & saye/ ?\1 ,:o t\*$ me8 ,he repli$1 ,x is because virtue ha? gone out ( me 7,luke #h3de1 #df74 ,jesus ,*ri/ _h caus$ t heal+ virtue to fl[1 ?r\gh me1 by means ( ,8 ,^w4 ,:5 t virtue met n ) a correspond5ce 9 ! subject1 ,i felt x susp5d$ 9 its s\rce4 ,t gave me "s pa94 ,i %\ld be1 z x 71 displeas$ ) ^? p]sons2 b :5 !re 0 no resi/ance1 b a full acquiesc5ce1 ?is div9e virtue _h its full effect4 ,heal+ virtue has s mu* p[] ov] ?+s inanimate1 yet ! lea/ ?+ 9 man ei!r re/ra9s x1 or /ops x entirely4 ,!re 0 a good nun mu* afflict$ & "u a viol5t temptation4 ,%e w5t to decl>e h] case to a si/] :om %e ?\ght v spiritual1 & 9 a condition capable ( assi/+ h]4 ,b f> f f9d+ succor1 %e 0 v mu* disc\rag$ & ca/ d[n4 ,! o!r despis$ & repuls$ h]1 & treat+ h] ) contempt & rigor1 %e said1 ,don't come ne> me1 s9ce y are t way4 ,?is poor girl1 9 a frightful di/ress1 came to me ?9k+ h]self undone on acc\nt ( :at ! si/] _h said to h]4 ,i consol$ h] & our ,"l reliev$ h] imm$iately4 ,b ,i c\ld n =be> tell+ h] t assur$ly ! o!r w\ld be puni%$1 & w\ld fall into a /ate worse ?an h]s4 ,! si/] :o _h us$ h] 9 su* a mann] came also to me1 highly pleas$ ) h]self 9 :at %e _h done1 say+1 %e abhorr$ su* tempt$ creatures4 ,z = h]self1 %e 0 pro( aga9/ su* sorts ( temptations1 & t %e nev] _h a bad ?\ght4 ,i said to h]1 ,my si/]1 f ! fri5d%ip ,i h = y ,i wi% y ! pa9 ( h] :o spoke to y1 & ev5 "o /ill m viol5t4 ,%e answ]$ haughtily1 ,if y 7 to ask x f ,god = me1 & ,i ask ( ,him ! contr>y1 ,i believe ,i %all be he>d at lea/ z soon z y4 ,i answ]$ ) great firmness1 ,if x be only my own int]e/s :i* ,i ask1 ,i %all n be he>d2 b if x be ^? ( ,god only1 & y\rs too1 ,i %all be he>d soon] ?an y are aw>e4 ,t v night %e fell into s viol5t a temptation t "o equal to x has seldom be5 kn[n4 ,x 0 !n %e _h ample occasion to ackn[l$ge h] own weakness1 & :at %e w\ld be )\t grace4 ,%e conceiv$ at fir/ a viol5t hatr$ = me1 say+ t ,i 0 ! cause ( h] pa94 ,b x s]v$ h]1 z ! clay did to enlight5 him :o _h be5 born bl9d4 ,%e soon saw v well :at _h br\ght on h] s t]rible a /ate4 ,i fell sick ev5 to extremity4 ,?is sickness prov$ a means to cov] ! great my/]ies :i* x pleas$ ,god to op]ate 9 me4 ,sc>ce ev] 0 a disord] m extraord9>y1 or ( long] cont9uance 9 its excess4 ,sev]al times ,i saw 9 dreams ,fa!r ,la ,mo! rais+ p]secutions aga9/ me4 ,our ,"l let me "k t ?is w\ld be & t ,fa!r ,la ,combe w\ld =sake me 9 ! "t ( p]secution4 ,i wrote to him1 & x disquiet$ him greatly4 ,he ?\ght 8 he>t 0 unit$ to ! w ( ,god & too desir\s ( s]v+ me1 to admit su* des]tion2 yet x has s9ce be5 f\nd q true4 ,he 0 n[ to prea* dur+ ,l5t1 & 0 s mu* foll[$1 t p came five leagues1 to pass sev]al days = ! b5efit ( 8 m9i/ry4 ,i he>d he 0 s sick t he 0 ?\ght to die4 ,i pray$ to ! ,"l to re/ore 8 heal?1 & enable him to prea* to ! p1 :o 7 long+ to he> him4 ,my pray] 0 he>d1 & he soon recov]$1 & resum$ 8 pi\s labors4 ,dur+ ?is extraord9>y sickness1 :i* cont9u$ m ?an six mon?s1 ! ,"l gradually taught me t !re 0 ano!r mann] ( conv]s+ among s\ls :olly ,81 ?an by spee*4 ,?\ made/ me conceive1 ,o div9e ,^w1 t z ,?\ art ev] speak+ & op]at+ 9 a s\l1 ?\gh !re9 ?\ appe>e/ 9 pr(\nd sil5ce2 s !re 0 also a way ( communication 9 ?y creatures1 9 an ineffable sil5ce4 ,i he>d !n a language :i* be=e _h be5 unkn[n to me4 ,i gradually p]ceiv$1 :5 ,fa!r ,la ,combe ent]$1 t ,i c\ld speak no m4 ,!re 0 =m$ 9 my s\l ! same k9d ( sil5ce t[>d him1 z 0 =m$ 9 x 9 reg>d to ,god4 ,i compreh5d$ t ,god 0 will+ to %[ me t m5 might 9 ?is life le>n ! language ( angels4 ,i 0 gradually r$uc$ to speak to him only 9 sil5ce4 ,x 0 !n t we und]/ood ea* o!r 9 ,god1 aft] a mann] unutt]able & div9e4 ,our he>ts spoke to ea* o!r1 communicat+ a grace :i* no words c express4 ,x 0 l a new c\ntry1 bo? = him & = me2 b s div9e1 t ,i _c describe x4 ,at fir/ ?is 0 done 9 a mann] s p]ceptible1 t is to say1 ,god p5etrat$ u ) ,himself 9 a mann] s pure & s sweet1 t we pass$ h\rs 9 ?is pr(\nd sil5ce1 always communicative1 )\t be+ able to utt] "o ^w4 ,x 0 9 ?is t we le>n$1 by our own exp]i5ce1 ! op]ations ( ! heav5ly ,^w to r$uce s\ls into unity ) itself1 & :at purity "o may arrive at 9 ?is life4 ,x 0 giv5 me to communicate ?is way to o!r good s\ls1 b ) ?is diff]5ce3 ,i did no?+ b communicate to !m ! grace ) :i* !y 7 fill$1 :ile ne> me1 9 ?is sacr$ sil5ce1 :i* infus$ into !m an extraord9>y /r5g? & grace2 b ,i receiv$ no?+ f !m2 :]eas ) ,fa!r ,la ,combe !re 0 a fl[ & return ( communication ( grace1 :i* he receiv$ f me1 & ,i f him1 9 ! greate/ purity4 ,9 ?is long malady ! love ( ,god1 & ( ,him alone1 made up my :ole occupation1 ,i seem$ s entirely lo/ to ,him1 z to h no sight ( myself at all4 ,x seem$ z if my he>t nev] came out ( t div9e ocean1 hav+ be5 drawn into x ?r\gh deep humiliations4 ,oh1 happy loss1 :i* is ! consummation ( bliss1 ?\gh op]at$ ?r\gh crosses & ?r\gh dea?s6 ,jesus 0 !n liv+ 9 me & ,i liv$ no m4 ,^! words 7 impr9t$ 9 me1 z a real /ate into :i* ,i mu/ ent]1 7,matt4 #h3bj7 ,! foxes h holes1 & ! birds ( ! air h ne/s1 b ! ,son ( ,man ha? n :]e to lay 8 head4 ,?is ,i h s9ce exp]i5c$ 9 all its ext5t1 hav+ no sure abode1 no refuge among fri5ds1 :o 7 a%am$ ( me1 & op5ly r5\nc$ me1 :5 univ]sally decri$2 nor among my relations1 mo/ ( :om decl>$ !mselves my adv]s>ies1 & 7 my greate/ p]secutors2 :ile o!rs look$ on me ) contempt & indignation4 ,i might z ,david say1 ,= ?y sake ,i h borne reproa*2 %ame ha? cov]$ my face2 ,i am become a /rang] to my bre?r51 & an ali5 unto my "m's *ildr52 a reproa* to m51 & despis$ ( ! p4 ,he %[$ me all ! _w 9 a rage aga9/ me1 )\t anyone d>+ to appe> = me & assur$ me 9 ! ineffable sil5ce ( ,8 et]nal ,^w1 t ,he w\ld give me va/ numb]s ( *ildr51 :i* ,i %\ld br+ =? by ! cross4 ,i left x to ,him to d ) me :atev] ,he pleas$1 e/eem+ my :ole & sole int]e/ to be plac$ entirely 9 ,8 div9e w4 ,he gave me to see h[ ! ,devil 0 go+ to /ir up an outrage\s p]secution aga9/ pray]1 yet x %\ld prove ! s\rce ( ! same pray]1 or r ! means :i* ,god w\ld make use ( to e/abli% x4 ,he gave me to see f>!r h[ ,he w\ld guide me into ! wild]ness1 :]e ,he w\ld cause me to be n\ri%$ = a "t4 ,! w+s1 :i* 7 to be> me ?i!r1 7 ! resignation ( my :ole self to ,8 holy w4 ,i ?9k ,i am at pres5t 9 t wild]ness1 sep>at$ f ! :ole _w 9 my imprisonm5t4 ,i see already accompli%$ 9 "p :at 0 !n %[n me4 ,c ,i ev] express ! m]cies :i* my ,god has be/[$ on me8 ,no2 !y mu/ ev] rema9 9 ,himself1 be+ ( a nature n to be describ$1 by reason ( _! purity & imm5sity4 ,i 0 (t5 to all appe>ance at ! po9t ( dea?4 ,i fell into convulsions f viol5t pa9s :i* la/$ a long "t ) viol5ce4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe adm9i/]$ ! sacram5t to me1 ! ,prioress ( ! ,ursul9es hav+ desir$ him to d x4 ,i 0 well satisfi$ to die1 z 0 he also 9 ! expectation ( my dep>ture4 ,=1 be+ unit$ 9 ,god aft] a mann] s pure1 & s spiritual1 dea? c\ld n sep>ate u4 ,on ! contr>y x w\ld h m closely unit$ u4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o 0 on 8 knees at my b$side1 rem>k+ ! *ange ( my c\nt5ance1 & h[ my eyes fad$1 seem$ ready to give me up1 :5 ,god inspir$ him to lift up 8 h&s1 & ) a /rong voice1 :i* 0 he>d by all :o 7 9 my room1 at t "t almo/ full1 to comm& dea? to rel9qui% its hold4 ,in/antly x seem$ to be /opp$4 ,?us ,god 0 pleas$ wond]fully to raise me up aga92 yet = a long "t ,i cont9u$ extremely weak1 dur+ all ( :i* our ,"l gave me new te/imonies ( ,8 love4 ,h[ _m times 0 ,he pleas$ to make use ( ,8 s]vant to re/ore me to life1 :5 ,i 0 almo/ on ! v po9t ( expir+6 ,z !y saw t my sickness & pa9 did n entirely end1 !y judg$ t ! air ( ! lake on :i* ! conv5t 0 situat$1 0 v prejudicial to my con/itution4 ,!y conclud$ t x w\ld be necess>y = me to remove4 ,dur+ my indisposition1 our ,"l put x into ! he>t ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe to e/abli% a hospital 9 ?is place = ! poor p seiz$ ) maladies1 to in/itute also a committee or congregation ( ladies to furni% su* z c\ld n leave _! families to g to ! hospital ) ! means ( subsi/5ce dur+ _! illness1 aft] ! mann] ( ,france1 !re hav+ be5 yet no in/itution ( ?is k9d 9 t c\ntry4 ,will+ly did ,i ent] into x2 & )\t any o!r fund ?an ,provid5ce & "s useless rooms :i* a g5tleman ( ! t[n gave u1 we began x4 ,we d$icat$ x to ! holy ,*ild ,jesus1 & ,he 0 pleas$ to give ! fir/ b$s to x f my p5sion4 ,he gave su* a bless+ t sev]al o!r p]sons jo9$ u 9 ?is *>ity4 ,9 a %ort "t !re 7 ne>ly twelve b$s 9 x & ?ree p]sons ( great piety gave !mselves to ?is hospital to s]ve x1 :o1 )\t any sal>y1 consecrat$ !mselves to ! s]vice ( ! poor pati5ts4 ,i suppli$ !m ) o9tm5ts & m$ic9es1 :i* 7 freely giv5 to su* ( ! poor p ( ! t[n z _h ne$ ( !m4 ,^! good ladies 7 s he>ty 9 ! cause1 t1 ?r\gh _! *>ity1 & ! c>e ( ! "y wom51 ?is hospital 0 v well ma9ta9$ & s]v$4 ,^! ladies jo9$ toge!r also 9 provid+ = ! sick :o c\ld n g to ! hospital4 ,i gave !m "s little regulations su* z ,i _h obs]v$ :5 9 ,france1 :i* !y cont9u$ to keep up ) t5d]ness & love4 ,all ^! little ?+s1 :i* co/ b little1 & :i* ow$ all _! success to ! bless+ :i* ,god gave !m1 drew ^u u new p]secutions4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva 0 (f5d$ ) me m ?an ev]1 especially 9 see+ t ^! small matt]s r5d]$ me belov$4 ,he said t ,i won ov] ev]ybody4 ,he op5ly decl>$1 he c\ld n be> me 9 8 diocese1 ?\gh ,i _h done no?+ b good1 or r ,god by me4 ,he ext5d$ ! p]secution to ^? good religi\s wom5 :o _h be5 my assi/ants4 ,! prioress 9 p>ticul> _h h] own %>e to be>1 ?\gh x did n la/ long4 ,z ,i 0 oblig$1 on acc\nt ( ! air1 to remove1 aft] hav+ be5 !re ab\t two ye>s & a half1 !y 7 !n m 9 peace & quietness4 ,on ano!r side1 my si/] 0 v we>y ( ?is h\se2 & z ! season = ! wat]s approa*$1 !y took occasion f !nce to s5d h] away ) ! maid :i* ,i br\ght ) me1 :o _h mole/$ me exce$+ly 9 my late illness4 ,i only kept h] :om ,provid5ce _h s5t me by means ( my si/]4 ,i h ev] ?\ght t ,god _h ord]$ my si/]'s j\rney only to br+ h] to me1 z "o *os5 ( ,him & prop] = ! /ate :i* x 0 ,8 pleasure to cause me to be>4 ,:ile ,i 0 yet indispos$1 ! ,ursul9es1 ) ! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil1 e>ne/ly reque/$ ! ,fa!r-g5]al ( ! ,b>nabites1 to seek among ! religi\s1 a man ( m]it1 piety & le>n+1 9 :om he might place confid5ce1 & :o might s]ve him = a preb5d & a c\nselor4 ,at fir/ he ca/ 8 eyes on ,fa!r ,la ,combe2 yet be=e he absolutely engag$ him ) ! said bi%op1 he wrote to him1 to "k :e!r he _h any objection !reto4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe repli$ t he _h no o!r w b t ( obey+ him1 & t he might comm& him h]e9 z he %\ld ?9k be/ 9 ! case4 ,he gave me an acc\nt ( ?is1 & t we 7 go+ to be entirely sep>at$4 ,i 0 glad to f9d t our ,"l w\ld employ him1 "u a bi%op :o knew him1 & w\ld be likely to d him ju/ice4 ,yet x 0 "s "t be=e he w5t1 matt]s n be+ all arrang$4 ,,*apt] #ac ,i !n w5t (f f ! ,ursul9es & !y s\ght = a h\se = me at a di/ance f ! lake4 ,!re 0 b "o to be f\nd empty :i* _h ! look ( ! greate/ pov]ty4 ,x _h no *imney b 9 ! kit*51 ?r\gh :i* "o 0 oblig$ to pass4 ,i took my daught] ) me & gave up ! l>ge/ room = h] & ! maid :o 0 to take c>e ( h]4 ,i 0 lodg$ 9 a little hole on /raw1 to :i* ,i w5t up by ladd]4 ,z we _h no o!r furniture b our b$s1 q pla9 & homely1 ,i br\ght "s /raw *airs & "s ,dut* e>!n & wood5 w>e4 ,nev] did ,i enjoy a great] cont5t ?an 9 ?is little hole1 :i* appe>$ s v con=mable to ! /ate ( ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,i fanci$ ev]y?+ bett] on wood ?an on plate4 ,i laid 9 all my provisions1 hop+ to /ay !re a long "t2 b ! ,devil did n leave me long 9 su* sweet peace4 ,x w\ld be difficult = me to tell ! p]secutions :i* 7 /irr$ up aga9/ me4 ,!y ?rew /ones 9 at my w9d[s :i* fell at my feet4 ,i _h put my little g>d5 9 ord]4 ,!y came 9 ! night1 tore x all up1 broke d[n ! arbor1 & ov]turn$ ev]y?+ 9 x1 z if x _h be5 ravag$ by soldi]s4 ,!y came to abuse me at ! door all night long1 mak+ su* a racket z if !y 7 go+ to break x op54 ,^! p]sons h s9ce told :o ! p]son 0 t put !m on su* "w4 ,?\gh f "t to "t ,i cont9u$ my *>ities at ,gex1 ,i 0 n ! less p]secut$ = x4 ,!y (f]$ "o p]son a w>rant to compel ,fa!r ,la ,combe to /ay at ,tonon1 ?9k+ he w\ld o!rwise be a support to me 9 ! p]secution1 b we prev5t$ x4 ,i knew n !n ! designs ( ,god1 & t ,he w\ld soon draw me f t poor solit>y place1 9 :i* ,i enjoy$ a sweet & solid satisfaction1 not)/&+ ! abuse4 ,i ?\ght myself happi] "h ?an any sov]eign on e>?4 ,x 0 = me l a ne/ & a place ( repose & ,*ri/ 0 will+ t ,i %\ld be l ,him4 ,! ,devil1 z ,i h said1 irritat$ my p]secutors4 ,!y s5t to desire me to g out ( ! diocese4 ,all ! good :i* ! ,"l _h caus$ me to d 9 x 0 condemn$1 m ?an ! greate/ crimes4 ,crimes !y tol]at$1 b me !y c\ld n endure4 ,all ?is :ile ,i nev] _h any uneas9ess or rep5tance = my hav+ left at all2 n t ,i 0 assur$ ( hav+ done ! w ( ,god !re94 ,su* an assurance w\ld h be5 too mu* = me4 ,b ,i c\ld nei!r see nor reg>d any?+1 receiv+ ev]y?+ alike f ! h& ( ,god1 :o direct$ & dispos$ ( ^! crosses = me ei!r 9 ju/ice or 9 m]cy4 ,! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai1 si/] ( ! *ief ,secret>y ( ,/ate to 8 ,royal ,highness 7! ,duke ( ,savoy7 & 8 prime m9i/]1 _h s5t an express f ,tur91 9 ! "t ( my illness1 to invite me to come to reside ) h]2 & to let me "k t1 be+ s p]secut$ z ,i 0 9 ?is diocese1 ,i %\ld f9d an asylum ) h]2 t dur+ t "t ?+s might gr[ bett]2 t :5 !y %\ld be well dispos$ %e w\ld return ) me & jo9 me ) a fri5d ( m9e f ,p>is1 :o 0 will+ also to come to labor !re1 accord+ to ! w ( ,god4 ,i 0 n at t "t 9 a condition to execute :at %e desir$ & expect$ to cont9ue ) ! ,ursul9es till ?+s %\ld *ange4 ,%e !n wrote to me ab\t x no m4 ,?is lady is "o ( extraord9>y piety1 :o _h quitt$ ! spl5dor & noise ( ! ,c\rt1 = ! m sil5t satisfaction ( a retir$ life1 & to give h]self up to ,god4 ,) an em95t %>e ( natural advantages1 %e has cont9u$ a wid[ tw5ty-two ye>s2 has refus$ e (f] ( m>riage to consecrate h]self to our ,"l entirely & )\t any res]ve4 ,:5 %e knew t ,i _h be5 oblig$ to leave ! ,ursul9es1 yet )\t kn[+ any?+ ( ! mann] 9 :i* ,i _h be5 treat$1 %e procur$ a lett] to oblige ,fa!r ,la ,combe to g to pass "s weeks at ,tur91 = h] own b5efit1 & to br+ me ) him ?i!r1 :]e ,i %\ld f9d a refuge4 ,all ?is %e did unkn[n to u4 ,z %e has told u s9ce1 a sup]ior =ce mov$ h] to d x1 )\t kn[+ ! cause4 ,if %e _h delib]ately reflect$ on x1 be+ su* a prud5t lady1 %e probably w\ld n h done x2 because ! p]secutions1 :i* ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva procur$ u 9 t place1 co/ h] m ?an a little ( humiliations4 ,our ,"l p]mitt$ him to pursue me1 aft] a surpris+ mann]1 into all ! places ,i h be5 91 )\t giv+ me any relaxation4 ,i nev] did him any h>m1 b on ! contr>y1 w\ld h laid d[n my life = ! good ( 8 diocese4 ,z ?is fell out )\t any design on our "p1 we1 )\t hesitation1 believ$ x 0 ! w ( ,god2 & ?\ght x might be ! means ( ,8 appo9tm5t to draw u out ( ! reproa* & p]secution we labor$ "u1 see+ myself *as$ on ! "o side1 desir$ on ! o!r4 ,x 0 conclud$ t ,fa!r ,la ,combe %\ld conduct me to ,tur91 & t he %\ld g f !nce to ,v]ceil4 ,beside him1 ,i took ) me a religi\s man ( m]it1 :o _h taught !ology = f\rte5 ye>s pa/1 to take away f our enemies all cause = sl&]4 ,i also took ) me a boy :om ,i _h br\ght out ( ,france4 ,!y took horses1 & ,i hir$ a c>riage = my daught]1 my *amb]maid & myself4 ,b all precautions are useless1 :5 x pleases ,god to p]mit !m to be fru/rat$4 ,our adv]s>ies imm$iately wrote to ,p>is4 ,a hundr$ ridicul\s /ories 7 circulat$ ab\t ?is j\rney2 com$ies 7 act$ on x1 ?+s inv5t$ at pleasure1 & z false z any?+ 9 ! _w c\ld be4 ,x 0 my bro!r1 ,fa!r de la ,mo!1 :o 0 s active 9 utt]+ all ?is /uff4 ,_h he believ$ x to be true1 he ought out ( *>ity to h conceal$ x2 mu* m1 be+ s v false4 ,!y said t ,i 0 gone all alone ) ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 /roll+ ab\t ! c\ntry1 f prov9ce to prov9ce1 ) _m su* fables1 z weak & wick$ z !y 7 incoh]5t & badly put toge!r4 ,we suff]$ all ) pati5ce1 )\t v9dicat+ ourselves1 or mak+ any compla9t4 ,sc>cely 7 we arriv$ at ,tur91 b ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva wrote aga9/ u4 ,z he c\ld pursue u no o!r way1 he did x by lett]s4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe repair$ to ,v]ceil1 & ,i /aid at ,tur91 ) ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai4 ,b :at crosses 0 ,i assault$ ) 9 my own family1 f ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 f ! ,b>nabites1 & f a va/ numb] ( p]sons besides6 ,my elde/ son came to f9d me on ! dea? ( my "m-9-law1 :i* 0 an augm5tation ( my tr\bles4 ,aft] we _h he>d all 8 acc\nts ( ?+s & h[ !y _h made sales ( all ! moveables1 *os5 gu>dians1 & settl$ e article1 )\t consult+ me4 ,i seem$ to be !re entirely useless4 ,x 0 judg$ n prop] = me to return1 consid]+ ! rigor ( ! season4 ,! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai1 :o _h be5 s w>mly desir\s ( my company1 see+ my great crosses & reproa*es1 look$ coldly ^u me4 ,my *ildlike simplicity1 :i* 0 ! /ate :]e9 ,god at t "t kept me1 pass$ ) h] = /upidity4 ,= :5 ! "q 0 to help anyone1 or ab\t any?+ :i* ,god requir$ ( me1 ,he gave me1 ) ! weakness ( a *ild1 ! evid5t tok5s ( div9e /r5g?4 ,h] he>t 0 q %ut up to me all ! "t ,i 0 !re4 ,our ,"l1 h[ev]1 made me =etell ev5ts :i* %\ld happ51 :i* s9ce t "t h actually be5 fulfill$1 z well to h]self z to h] daught]1 & to ! virtu\s ecclesia/ic :o liv$ at h] h\se4 ,%e did n fail1 at la/1 to conceive m fri5d%ip = me1 see+ !n t ,*ri/ 0 9 me4 ,x 0 ! =ce ( self-love1 & fe> ( reproa*1 :i* _h clos$ up h] he>t4 ,moreov]1 %e ?\ght h] /ate m advanc$ ?an 9 reality x 01 by reason ( h] be+ )\t te/s2 b %e soon saw by exp]i5ce t ,i _h told h] ! tru?4 ,%e 0 oblig$ = family reasons to leave ,tur91 & g to live on h] own e/ate4 ,%e solicit$ me to g ) h]2 b ! education ( my daught] did n p]mit4 ,to /ay at ,tur9 )\t h] seem$ improp]1 because1 hav+ liv$ v retir$ 9 ?is place1 ,i made no acqua9tance 9 x4 ,i knew n :i* way to turn4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil1 :]e ,fa!r ,la ,combe 01 mo/ oblig+ly wrote to me1 e>ne/ly entreat+ me to come1 promis+ me 8 protection1 & assur+ me ( 8 e/eem1 add+1 t he %\ld look ^u me z 8 own si/]2 t he wi%$ extremely to h me !re4 ,x 0 8 own si/]1 "o ( my p>ticul> fri5ds1 :o _h writt5 to him ab\t me1 z _h also a ,fr5* g5tleman1 an acqua9tance ( 84 ,b a po9t ( honor kept me f x4 ,i w\ld n h x said t ,i _h gone aft] ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 & t ,i _h come to ,tur9 only = ! purpose ( go+ to ,v]ceil4 ,he _h also 8 reputation to pres]ve1 :i* 0 ! cause t he c\ld n agree to my go+ ?i!r1 h[ev] importunate ! ,bi%op 0 = x4 ,_h we believ$ x to be ! w ( ,god1 we w\ld bo? ( u h pass$ ov] ^! consid]ations4 ,god kept u bo? 9 s great a dep5d5ce on ,8 ord]s1 t ,he did n let u =ekn[ !m2 b ! div9e mom5t ( ,8 provid5ce det]m9$ ev]y?+4 ,?is prov$ ( v great s]vice to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o _h long walk$ 9 assurances1 to die to !m & to ,himself4 ,god by an effect ( ,8 goodness1 t he might ?us die )\t any res]ve1 took !m all f him4 ,dur+ ! :ole "t ( my resid5ce at ,tur91 our ,"l conf]r$ on me v great favors4 ,i f\nd myself e day m trans=m$ into ,him1 & _h cont9ually m k ( ! /ate ( s\ls1 )\t ev] be+ mi/ak5 or deceiv$ !re91 ?\gh "s 7 will+ to p]suade me to ?9k ! contr>y4 ,i _h us$ my utmo/ endeavors to give myself o!r ?\ghts1 :i* _h caus$ me n a little pa94 ,:5 ,i told1 or wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,combe ab\t ! /ate ( "s s\ls1 :i* appe>$ to him m p]fect & advanc$ ?an ! k giv5 to me ( !m1 he attribut$ x to pride4 ,he 0 angry ) me1 & prejudic$ aga9/ my /ate4 ,i _h no uneas9ess on acc\nt ( 8 e/eem+ me ! less1 = ,i 0 n 9 a condition to reflect :e!r he e/eem$ me or n4 ,he c\ld n reconcile my will+ ob$i5ce 9 mo/ ?+s1 ) s extraord9>y a firmness1 :i* 9 c]ta9 cases he look$ ^u z crim9al4 ,he admitt$ a di/ru/ ( my grace2 he 0 n yet suffici5tly confirm$ 9 8 way1 nor did he duly compreh5d1 t x did n 9 any wise dep5d on me to be "o way or ano!r4 ,if ,i _h any su* p[] ,i %\ld h suit$ myself to :at he said1 to sp>e myself ! crosses :i* my firmness caus$ me4 ,or1 at lea/1 ,i w\ld h artfully dissembl$ my real s5tim5ts4 ,i c\ld d nei!r4 ,7 all to p]i% by x1 ,i 0 9 su* a mann] con/ra9$1 t ,i c\ld n =be> tell+ him ! ?+s1 j z our ,"l direct$ me to tell !m to him4 ,9 ?is he _h giv5 me an inviolable fidelity to ! v la/4 ,no crosses or pa9s h ev] made me fail a mom5t !re94 ,^! ?+s !n1 :i* appe>$ to him to be ! /rong prejudice ( a conceit$ op9ion1 set him at v>iance aga9/ me4 ,?\gh he did n op5ly %[ x1 on ! contr>y tri$ to conceal x f me2 yet h[ f> di/ant soev] he 7 f me1 ,i c\ld n be ignorant ( x4 ,my _s felt x1 & t m or less1 z ! opposition 0 /rong] or weak]2 z soon z x abat$ or end$1 my pa91 occasion$ !reby1 ceas$4 ,he also1 on 8 side1 exp]i5c$ ! same4 ,he has told me & writt5 to me _m times ov]1 ,:5 ,i /& well ) ,god1 ,i f9d ,i am well ) y4 ,:5 ,i am o!rwise ) ,him1 ,i !n f9d myself to be s ) y also4 ,?us he saw cle>ly t :5 ,god receiv$ him1 x 0 always 9 unit+ him to me1 z if ,he w\ld accept ( no?+ f him b 9 ?is union4 ,:ile he 0 at ,tur91 a wid[ :o 0 a good s]vant ( ,god1 all 9 ! brightness ( s5sibility1 came to him to confess4 ,%e utt]$ wond]ful ?+s ( h] /ate4 ,i 0 !n at ! o!r side ( ! confessional4 ,he told me1 ,he _h met ) a s\l giv5 up to ,god2 t x 0 %e :o 0 pres5t2 t he 0 v mu* edifi$ by h]2 t he 0 f> f f9d+ ! l 9 me2 t ,i op]at$ no?+ b dea? ^u 8 s\l4 ,at fir/ ,i rejoic$ at 8 hav+ met ) su* a holy s\l4 ,x ev] gives me ! highe/ joy to see my ,god glorifi$4 ,z ,i 0 return+1 ! ,"l %[$ me cle>ly ! /ate ( t s\l1 z only a beg9n+ ( devotion mix$ ) affection & a little sil5ce1 fill$ ) a new s5sation4 ,?is & m1 z x 0 set be=e me1 ,i 0 oblig$ to write to him4 ,on 8 fir/ read+ ( my lett] he discov]$ ! /amp ( tru? 9 x2 b soon aft]1 lett+ 9 aga9 8 old reflections1 he view$ all ,i wrote 9 ! light ( pride4 ,he /ill _h 9 8 m9d ! ord9>y rules ( humility conceiv$ & compris$ aft] our mann]4 ,z to me1 ,i let myself be l$ z a *ild1 :o says & does1 )\t di/9ction1 :atev] x is made to say & d4 ,i left myself to be l$ :]esoev] my heav5ly ,fa!r pleas$1 high or l[2 all 0 alike good to me4 ,he wrote to me1 t1 at 8 fir/ read+ ( my lett] !re appe>$ 9 x some?+ ( tru?2 b t on read+ x ov] aga91 he f\nd x to be full ( pride1 & ( pref]5ce ( my own disc]nm5ts to t ( o!rs4 ,"s "t aft] he 0 m enlight5$ 9 reg>d to ! /ate ,i 0 94 ,he !n said1 cont9ue to believe z y h done2 ,i enc\rage & exhort y to d x4 ,"s "t aft] he suffici5tly discov]$1 by t p]son's mann] ( act+1 t %e 0 v f> f :at he _h ?\ght4 ,i give ?is z only "o in/ance4 ,i might give _m o!rs1 b ?is may suffice4 ,,*apt] #ad ,"o night 9 a dream our ,"l %[$ me1 t ,he w\ld also purify ! maid :om ,he _h giv5 me1 make h] truly ent] into dea? to h]self4 ,i freely resolv$ to suff] = h]1 z ,i did = ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,z %e resi/$ ,god mu* m ?an he1 & 0 mu* m "u ! p[] ( self-love1 %e _h m to be purifi$ f4 ,:at ,i c\ld n tol]ate 9 h] 0 h] reg>d = h]self4 ,i saw cle>ly t ! devil _c hurt u only s f> z we reta9 "s fondness = ?is corrupt self4 ,?is sight 0 f ,god4 ,he gave me ! disc]n+ ( spirits1 :i* w\ld ev] accept :at 0 f ,him1 or reject :at 0 n2 t n f any common me?ods ( judg+1 n f any outw>d in=mation1 b by an inw>d pr9ciple :i* is ,8 gift alone4 ,x is ne$ful to m5tion "h t s\ls :i* are yet 9 !mselves1 :atev] degree ( light & ardor !y h atta9$1 are unqualifi$ = x4 ,!y (t5 ?9k !y h ?is disc]nm5t1 :5 x is no?+ else b sympa?y or antipa?y ( nature4 ,our ,"l de/roy$ 9 me e sort ( natural antipa?y4 ,! s\l mu/ be v pure1 & dep5d+ on ,god alone1 t all ^! ?+s may be exp]i5c$ 9 ,him4 ,9 proportion z ?is maid became inw>dly purifi$1 my pa9 abat$1 till ! ,"l let me "k h] /ate 0 go+ to be *ang$1 :i* soon happily ensu$4 ,9 comp>ison ( inw>d pa9 = s\ls1 outw>d p]secutions1 ?\gh ev] s viol5t1 sc>ce gave me any4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva wrote to diff]5t p]sons4 ,he wrote 9 my favor to su* z he ?\ght w\ld %[ me 8 lett]s1 & q ! contr>y 9 ! lett]s :i* he ?\ght ,i w\ld nev] see4 ,x 0 s ord]$ t ^! p]sons1 hav+ %[$ ea* o!r _! lett]s receiv$ f him1 7 /ruck ) indignation to see 9 him s %ameful a duplicity4 ,!y s5t me ^? lett]s t ,i might take prop] precautions4 ,i kept !m two ye>s1 & !n burn$ !m1 n to hurt ! prelate4 ,! /ronge/ batt]y he rais$ aga9/ me 0 :at he did ) ! ,secret>y ( ,/ate1 :o held t po/ 9 conjunction ) ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai's bro!r4 ,he us$ all imag9able endeavors to r5d] me odi\s4 ,he employ$ c]ta9 abbots = t purpose1 insomu* t1 ?\gh ,i appe>$ v little abroad1 ,i 0 well kn[n by ! description ?is bi%op _h giv5 ( me4 ,?is did n make s mu* impression z x w\ld h done1 if he _h appe>$ 9 a bett] light at ,c\rt4 ,"s lett]s ( 81 :i* h] royal highness f\nd aft] ! pr9ce's dea?1 writt5 to him aga9/ h]1 _h effect on ! pr9cess1 t1 in/ead ( tak+ any notice ( :at he n[ wrote aga9/ me1 %e %[$ me great respect4 ,%e s5t h] reque/ to me to come to see h]4 ,accord+ly ,i wait$ on h]4 ,%e assur$ me ( h] protection1 & t %e 0 glad ( my be+ 9 h] dom9ions4 ,x pleas$ ,god "h to make use ( me to ! conv]sion ( two or ?ree ecclesia/ics4 ,b ,i _h mu* to suff] f _! repugnances & _m infidelities--"o ( :om _h vilifi$ me greatly--& ev5 aft] 8 conv]sion turn$ aside into 8 old ways4 ,god at l5g? graci\sly re/or$ him4 ,z ,i 0 undet]m9$ :e!r ,i %\ld place my daught] at ! ,visitation ( ,tur91 or take "s o!r c\rse2 ,i 0 exce$+ly surpris$1 at a "t ,i lea/ expect$ x1 to see ,fa!r ,la ,combe arrive f ,v]ceil4 ,he told me t ,i mu/ return to ,p>is )\t any delay4 ,x 0 9 ! ev5+1 & he said1 set (f ! next morn+4 ,i confess ?is sudd5 news />tl$ me4 ,x 0 = me a d\ble sacrifice to return to a place :]e !y _h cri$ me d[n s mu*2 also t[>d a family :i* held me 9 contempt1 & :o _h repres5t$ my j\rney1 caus$ by pure necessity1 z a volunt>y c\rse1 pursu$ ?r\gh human atta*m5ts4 ,behold me !n dispos$ to g (f1 )\t (f]+ a s+le ^w 9 reply1 ) my daught] & my maid1 )\t anybody to guide & att5d u4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 resolv$ n to accompany me1 n s mu* z pass+ ! m\nta9s4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva _h writt5 on all sides t ,i 0 gone to ,tur9 to run aft] him4 ,b ! ,fa!r ,prov9cial1 :o 0 a man ( quality1 & well acqua9t$ ) ! virtue ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 told him1 t x 0 improp] & unsafe to v5ture on ^! m\nta9s1 )\t "s p]son ( acqua9tance2 ! m z ,i _h my little daught] ) me4 ,he !re=e ord]$ him to accompany me4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe confess$ to me t he _h "s reluctance to d x1 & only ob$i5ce1 & ! dang] to :i* ,i %\ld h be5 expos$1 made him surm\nt x4 ,he 0 only to accompany me to ,gr5oble1 & f !nce to return to ,tur94 ,i w5t (f !n1 design+ = ,p>is1 !re to suff] :atev] crosses & trials x %\ld please ,god to inflict4 ,:at made me g by ,gr5oble 0 ! desire ,i _h to sp5d two or ?ree days ) a lady1 an em95t s]vant ( ,god1 & "o ( my fri5ds4 ,:5 ,i 0 !re ,fa!r ,la ,combe & t lady spoke to me n to g any f>!r4 ,god w\ld glorify ,himself 9 me & by me 9 t place4 ,he return$ to ,v]ceil1 & ,i left myself to be conduct$ z a *ild by ,provid5ce4 ,?is lady took me to ! h\se ( a good wid[1 !re n be+ accommodations at ! inn4 ,z ,i 0 ord]$ to /op at ,gr5oble1 at h] h\se ,i resid$4 ,i plac$ my daught] 9 a conv5t1 & resolv$ to employ all ?is "t 9 resign+ myself to be possess$ 9 solitude by ,him :o is ! absolute ,sov]eign ( my s\l4 ,i made n any visit 9 ?is place2 no m _h ,i 9 any ( ! o!rs :]e ,i _h soj\rn$4 ,i 0 greatly surpris$ :51 a few days aft] my arrival1 !re came to see me sev]al p]sons :o made pr(ession ( a s+ul> devotion to ,god4 ,i p]ceiv$ imm$iately a gift :i* ,he _h giv5 me1 ( adm9i/]+ to ea* t :i* suit$ _! /ates4 ,i felt myself inve/$1 all ( a sudd51 ) ! apo/olic /ate4 ,i disc]n$ ! conditions ( ! s\ls ( su* p]sons z spoke to me1 & t ) s mu* facility1 t !y 7 surpris$ at x1 & said "o to ano!r1 t ,i gave e "o ( !m ! v ?+ !y _h /ood 9 ne$ (4 ,x 0 ?\1 ,o my ,god1 :o did/ all ^! ?+s2 "s ( !m s5t o!rs to me4 ,x came to su* excess1 t1 g5]ally f six 9 ! morn+ till eight 9 ! ev5+1 ,i 0 tak5 up 9 speak+ ( ! ,"l4 ,p flock$ on all sides1 f> & ne>1 fri>s1 prie/s1 m5 ( ! _w1 maids1 wives1 wid[s1 all came "o aft] ano!r4 ,! ,"l suppli$ me ) :at 0 p]t95t & satisfactory to !m all1 aft] a wond]ful mann]1 )\t any %>e ( my /udy or m$itation !re94 ,no?+ 0 hid f me ( _! int]ior /ate1 & ( :at pass$ )9 !m4 ,"h1 ,o my ,god1 ,?\ made/ an inf9ite numb] ( conque/s kn[n to ,?yself only4 ,!y 7 in/antly furni%$ ) a wond]ful facility ( pray]4 ,god conf]r$ on !m ,8 grace pl5tifully1 & wr\ght m>vel\s *anges 9 !m4 ,! mo/ advanc$ ( ^! s\ls f\nd1 :5 ) me1 9 sil5ce1 a grace communicat$ to !m :i* !y c\ld nei!r compreh5d1 nor cease to admire4 ,! o!rs f\nd an unction 9 my words1 & t !y op]at$ 9 !m :at ,i said4 ,fri>s ( diff]5t ord]s1 & prie/s ( m]it1 came to see me1 to :om our ,"l grant$ v great favors1 z inde$ ,he did to all1 )\t exception1 :o came 9 s9c]ity4 ,"o ?+ 0 surpris+2 ,i _h n a syllable to say to su* z came only to wat* my words1 & to criticize !m4 ,ev5 :5 ,i ?\ght to try to speak to !m1 ,i felt t ,i c\ld n1 & t ,god w\ld n h me d x4 ,"s ( !m 9 return said1 ,! p are fools to g to see t lady4 ,%e _c speak4 ,o!rs ( !m treat$ me z if ,i 7 only a /upid simpleton4 ,aft] !y left me !re came "o & said1 ,i c\ld n get hi!r soon en\gh to apprize y n to speak to ^? p]sons2 !y come f su* & su*1 to try :at !y c cat* f y to y\r disadvantage4 ,i answ]$ !m1 ,our ,"l has prev5t$ y\r *>ity2 = ,i 0 n able to say "o ^w to !m4 ,i felt t :at ,i spoke fl[$ f ! f\nta91 & t ,i 0 only ! in/rum5t ( ,him :o made me speak4 ,amid ?is g5]al applause1 our ,"l made me compreh5d :at ! apo/olic /ate 01 ) :i* ,he _h honor$ me2 t to give "o's self up to ! help ( s\ls1 9 ! purity ( ,8 ,_s1 0 to expose "o's self to ! mo/ cruel p]secutions4 ,^! v words 7 impr9t$ on my he>t3 ,to resign ourselves to s]ve our neighbor is to sacrifice ourselves to a gibbet4 ,su* z n[ proclaim1 ',bless$ is he :o come? 9 ! "n ( ! ,"l1' w soon cry out1 ',away ) him1 crucify him4' ,:5 "o ( my fri5ds speak+ ( ! g5]al e/eem ! p _h = me1 ,i said to h]1 ,obs]ve :at ,i n[ tell y1 t y w he> curses cut ( ! same m\?s :i* at pres5t pron\nce bless+s4 ,our ,"l made me compreh5d t ,i mu/ be con=mable to ,him 9 all ,8 /ates2 & t1 if ,he _h cont9u$ 9 a private life ) ,8 p>5ts1 ,he nev] _h be5 crucifi$2 t1 :5 ,he w\ld resign any ( ,8 s]vants to crucifixion1 ,he employ$ su* 9 ! m9i/ry & s]vice ( _! neighbors4 ,x is c]ta9 t all ! s\ls employ$ h]e9 by apo/olic de/9ation f ,god1 & :o are truly 9 ! apo/olic /ate1 are to suff] extremely4 ,i speak n ( ^? :o put !mselves into x1 :o1 n be+ call$ ( ,god 9 a s+ul> mann]1 & hav+ no?+ ( ! grace ( ! apo/le%ip1 h none ( its crosses2 b ( ^? only :o surr5d] !mselves to ,god )\t any res]ve1 & :o are will+ ) _! :ole he>ts to be expos$1 = ,8 sake1 to suff]+s )\t any mitigation4 ,,*apt] #ae ,among s great a numb] ( good s\ls1 on :om our ,"l wr\ght mu* by me1 "s 7 giv5 me only z plants to cultivate4 ,i knew _! /ate1 b _h n t ne> connection )1 or au?ority ov] !m1 :i* ,i _h ov] o!rs4 ,x 0 !n t ,i compreh5d$ ! true mat]nity beyond :at ,i _h done be=e2 = ^? ( ! latt] k9d 7 giv5 me z *ildr51 ( :om "s 7 fai?ful4 ,i knew !y w\ld be s2 !y 7 closely unit$ to me 9 pure *>ity4 ,o!rs 7 unfai?ful2 ,i knew t ( ^! "s w\ld nev] return f _! infidelity1 & !y 7 tak5 f me4 ,"s1 aft] slipp+ aside1 7 recov]$4 ,bo? ( !m co/ me mu* di/ress & inw>d pa91 :51 = want ( c\rage to die to !mselves1 !y gave up ! po9t2 & revolt$ f ! good beg9n+ !y _h be5 favor$ )4 ,our ,"l1 among su* multitudes z foll[$ ,him on e>?1 _h few true *ildr54 ,:]e=e ,he said to ,8 ,fa!r1 ,^? t ?\ gave/ me ,i h kept1 & none ( !m is lo/ b ! son ( p]dition1 %[+ t ,he lo/ n any beside ( ,8 apo/les1 or disciples1 ?\gh !y sometimes made false /eps4 ,among ! fri>s :o came to see me1 !re 0 "o ord] :i* discov]$ ! good effects ( grace m ?an any o!r4 ,"s ( t v ord] _h be=e ?is1 9 a little t[n :]e ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 9 ! ex]cise ( 8 mission1 be5 actuat$ ) a false zeal1 & viol5t 9 p]secut+ all ! good s\ls :i* _h s9c]ely d$icat$ !mselves to ,god1 plagu+ !m aft] su* a mann] z c sc>ce be conceiv$4 ,!y burn$ all _! books :i* treat$ ( sil5ce & inw>d pray]1 refus+ absolution to su* z 7 9 ! practice ( x1 driv+ into con/]nation1 & almo/ into despair1 su* z _h =m]ly l$ wick$ lives1 b 7 n[ re=m$1 & pres]v$ 9 grace by means ( pray]1 becom+ spotless & blameless 9 _! conduct4 ,^! fri>s _h proce$$ to su* an excess ( wild zeal z to raise a s$ition 9 t t[n1 9 :i* a fa!r ( ! oratory1 a p]son ( di/9ction & m]it1 receiv$ /rokes ) a /ick 9 ! op5 /reet1 because he pray$ extempore 9 ! ev5+s1 & on ,sundays made a %ort f]v5t pray]1 :i* ins5sibly habituat$ ^! good s\ls to ! use & practice ( ! l4 ,i nev] _h s mu* consolation z to see 9 ?is little t[n s _m pi\s s\ls :o ) a heav5ly emulation gave up _! :ole he>ts to ,god4 ,!re 7 girls ( twelve or ?irte5 ye>s ( age1 :o indu/ri\sly foll[$ _! "w almo/ all ! day long1 9 sil5ce1 & 9 _! employm5ts enjoy$ a communion ) ,god1 hav+ acquir$ a fix$ habit4 ,z ^! girls 7 poor1 !y plac$ !mselves two & two toge!r1 & su* z c\ld d x read to ! o!rs :o c\ld n4 ,"o saw !re ! innoc5ce ( ! primitive ,*ri/ians reviv$4 ,!re 0 9 t t[n a poor laundress :o _h five *ildr51 & a husb& p>alytic1 lame 9 ! "r arm1 & yet worse di/emp]$ 9 m9d ?an 9 body4 ,he _h little /r5g? left = any?+ else ?an to beat h]4 ,?is poor woman bore x ) all ! meekness & pati5ce ( an angel1 :ile %e by h] labor support$ him & 8 five *ildr54 ,%e _h a wond]ful gift ( pray]1 & amid h] great suff]+ & extreme pov]ty1 pres]v$ ! pres5ce ( ,god1 & tranquility ( m9d4 ,!re 0 also a %opkeep]1 & "o :o made locks1 v mu* affect$ ) ,god4 ,^! 7 close fri5ds4 ,sometimes ! "o & sometimes ! o!r read to ?is laundress2 & !y 7 surpris$ to f9d t %e 0 in/ruct$ by ! ,"l ,himself 9 all !y read to h]1 & spoke div9ely ( x4 ,^? fri>s s5t = ?is woman1 & ?reat5$ h] mu* if %e did n leave (f pray]1 tell+ h] x 0 only = *ur*m5 to pray1 & t %e 0 v bold to practice x4 ,%e repli$1 t ,*ri/ _h comm&$ all to pray1 t ,he _h said1 ,:at ,i say unto y ,i say unto all 7,m>k #ac3cc1 #cg71 )\t specify+ ei!r prie/s or fri>s2 t )\t pray] %e c\ld n support h] crosses & pov]ty2 t =m]ly %e _h liv$ )\t x1 & !n 0 v wick$2 t s9ce %e _h be5 9 ! ex]cise ( x1 %e _h lov$ ,god ) all h] s\l2 s t to leave (f pray] 0 to r5\nce h] salvation1 :i* %e c\ld n d4 ,%e add$ t !y might take tw5ty p]sons :o _h nev] practic$ pray]1 & tw5ty ( ^? :o 7 9 ! practice ( x4 ,!n1 said %e1 ,in=m y\rselves ( ! lives ( bo? sorts1 & ye w see if ye h any reason to cry out aga9/ pray]4 ,su* words z ^!1 f su* a woman1 "o w\ld ?9k might h fully conv9c$ !m2 b in/ead ( t1 x only irritat$ !m ! m4 ,!y assur$ h] t %e %\ld h no absolution till %e promis$ !m to desi/ f pray]4 ,%e said t dep5d$ n on h]1 & t ,*ri/ is ma/] ( :at ,he communicates to ,8 creatures1 & ( do+ ) x :at ,he pleases4 ,!y refus$ h] absolution2 & aft] rail+ at a good tailor1 :o s]v$ ,god ) 8 :ole he>t1 !y ord]$ all ! books )\t exception1 :i* treat$ on pray] to be br\ght to !m4 ,!y burn$ !m ) _! own h&s 9 ! public squ>e4 ,!y 7 v mu* elat$ ) _! p]=mance2 b all ! t[n pres5tly arose 9 an upro>4 ,! pr9cipal m5 w5t to ! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva1 & compla9$ to him ( ! sc&als ( ^! new mission>ies1 s diff]5t f ! o!rs4 ,speak+ ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o _h be5 !re be=e !m on 8 mission1 !y said t ^! seem$ z if !y 7 s5t to de/roy all ! good he _h done4 ,! bi%op 0 =c$ to come himself to t t[n1 & !re to m\nt ! pulpit1 prote/+ t he _h no %>e 9 x1 & t ^! fa!rs _h pu%$ _! zeal too f>4 ,! fri>s1 on ! o!r side decl>$1 !y _h done all !y did1 pursuant to ! ord]s giv5 !m4 ,!re 7 also at ,tonon "y wom5 :o _h retir$ toge!r1 be+ poor villag]s1 ! bett] to e>n _! livelihood & to s]ve ,god4 ,"o ( !m read f "t to "t1 :ile ! o!rs 7 at "w1 & n "o w5t out )\t ask+ leave ( ! elde/4 ,!y wove ribb&s1 or spun1 ! /rong support+ ! weak4 ,!y sep>at$ ^! poor girls1 & o!rs beside !m1 9 sev]al villages1 & drove !m out ( ! *ur*4 ,x 0 ! fri>s ( ! v ord] :om our ,"l made use ( to e/abli% pray] 9 7,i "k n h[7 _m places4 ,into ! places :]e !y w5t1 !y c>ri$ a hundr$ times m books ( pray] ?an ^? :i* _! bre?r5 _h burn$4 ,! h& ( ,god appe>$ to me wond]fully 9 ^! ?+s4 ,"o day :5 ,i 0 sick1 a bro!r :o _h skill 9 cur+ diseases1 came = a *>itable collection1 b he>+ ,i 0 ill1 came 9 to see me1 & gave me m$ic9es prop] = my disord]4 ,we ent]$ into a conv]sation :i* reviv$ 9 him ! love he _h = ,god1 :i* he ackn[l$g$ _h be5 too mu* /ifl$ by 8 occupations4 ,i made him compreh5d t !re 0 no employm5t :i* %\ld h9d] him f lov+ ,god1 & f be+ occupi$ )9 himself4 ,he readily believ$ me1 z he already _h a good %>e ( piety1 & ( an int]ior disposition4 ,our ,"l conf]r$ on him _m favors1 & gave him to be "o ( my true *ildr54 ,i saw at ?is "t1 or r exp]i5c$ ! gr\nd on :i* ,god rejects s9n]s f ,8 bosom4 ,all ! cause ( ,god's rejection is 9 ! w ( ! s9n]4 ,if t w submits1 h[ horrible soev] he be1 ,god purifies him 9 8 love1 & receives him into 8 grace2 b :ile t w rebels1 ! rejection cont9ues4 ,= want ( ability second+ 8 incl9ation1 he %\ld n commit ! s9 he is incl9$ to1 yet he nev] c be admitt$ into grace till ! cause ceases1 :i* is ?is wrong w1 rebelli\s to ! div9e law4 ,if t once submits1 ,god !n totally removes ! effects ( s91 :i* /a9 ! s\l1 by wa%+ away ! defilem5ts :i* he has contract$4 ,if t s9n] dies 9 ! "t t 8 w is rebelli\s & turn$ t[>d s91 z dea? fixes =ev] ! disposition ( ! s\l1 & ! cause ( its impurity is ev] subsi/+1 su* s\l c nev] be receiv$ into ,god4 ,its rejection mu/ be et]nal1 z !re is su* an absolute opposition betwe5 ess5tial purity & ess5tial impurity4 ,& z ?is s\l1 f its own nature necess>ily t5ds to its own c5t]1 x is cont9ually reject$ ( ! ,"l1 by reason ( its impurity1 subsi/+ n only 9 ! effects1 b 9 _! cause4 ,x is ! same way 9 ?is life4 ,?is cause1 s long z x subsi/s1 absolutely h9d]s ! grace ( ,god f op]at+ 9 ! s\l4 ,b if ! s9n] comes to die truly p5it5t1 !n ! cause1 :i* is ! wrong w1 be+ tak5 away1 !re rema9s only ! effect or impurity caus$ by x4 ,he is !n 9 a condition to be purifi$4 ,god ( 8 inf9ite m]cy has provid$ a lav] ( love & ( ju/ice1 a pa9ful lav] inde$1 to purify ?is s\l4 ,& z ! defilem5t is great] or less1 s is ! pa92 b :5 ! cause is utt]ly tak5 away1 ! pa9 entirely ceases4 ,s\ls1 are receiv$ into grace1 z soon z ! cause ( s9 ceases2 b !y d n pass into ! ,"l ,himself1 till all its effects are wa%$ away4 ,if !y h n c\rage to let ,him1 9 ,8 own way & w1 ?or\ghly cleanse & purify !m1 !y nev] ent] into ! pure div9ity 9 ?is life4 ,! ,"l incessantly solicits ?is w to cease to be rebelli\s1 & sp>es no?+ on ,8 side = ?is good end4 ,! w is free1 yet grace foll[s x /ill4 ,z soon z ! w ceases to rebel1 x f9ds grace at ! door1 ready to introduce its unspeakable b5efits4 ,o1 ! goodness ( ! ,"l & bas5ess ( ! s9n]1 ea* ( !m amaz+ :5 cle>ly se56 ,be=e ,i arriv$ at ,gr5oble1 ! lady1 my fri5d1 saw 9 a dream t our ,"l gave me an inf9ite numb] ( *ildr5 all uni=mly clad1 be>+ on _! habits ! m>ks ( c&or & innoc5ce4 ,%e ?\ght ,i 0 com+ to take c>e ( ! *ildr5 ( ! hospital4 ,b z soon z %e told me1 ,i disc]n$ t x 0 n t :i* ! dream meant2 b t our ,"l w\ld give me1 by a spiritual fruitfulness1 a great numb] ( *ildr52 t !y w\ld n be my true *ildr51 b 9 simplicity1 c&or & innoc5ce4 ,s great an av]sion ,i h to artifice & disguise4 ,,*apt] #af ,! physician ( :om ,i h spok51 0 dispos$ to lay op5 8 he>t to me4 ,our ,"l gave him ?r\gh me all t 0 necess>y = him2 = ?\gh dispos$ to ! spiritual life1 yet = want ( c\rage & fidelity he _h n duly advanc$ 9 x4 ,he _h occasion to br+ to me "s ( 8 companions :o 7 fri>s2 & ! ,"l took hold ( !m all4 ,x 0 at ! v same "t1 t ! o!rs ( ! same ord] 7 mak+ all ! ravages ,i h m5tion$1 & oppos+ ) all _! might ! ,holy ,_s ( ! ,"l4 ,i c\ld n b admire to see h[ ! ,"l 0 pleas$ to make am5ds = =m] damages1 p\r+ out ,8 ,_s 9 abundance on ^! m51 :ile ! o!rs 7 labor+ vehem5tly aga9/ x1 do+ all !y c\ld to de/roy its dom9ion & efficacy 9 _! fell[-mortals4 ,b ^? good s\ls in/ead ( be+ /agg]$ by p]secutions1 grew ! /rong] by x4 ,! ,sup]ior1 & ! ma/] ( ! novices ( ! h\se 9 :i* ?is doctor 0 decl>$ aga9/ me1 )\t kn[+ me4 ,!y 7 griev\sly *agr9$ t a woman1 z !y said1 %\ld be s mu* flock$ to1 & s mu* s\ght aft]4 ,look+ at ?+s z !y 7 9 !mselves1 & n z !y 7 9 ! ,"l1 :o does :atev] pleases ,him1 !y _h contempt = ! gift :i* 0 lodg$ 9 s mean an in/rum5t1 in/ead ( e/eem+ ! ,"l & ,8 grace4 ,yet ?is good bro!r at l5g? got ! sup]ior to come to see me1 & ?ank me = ! good :i* he said ,i _h done4 ,our ,"l s ord]$1 t he f\nd some?+ 9 my conv]sation :i* rea*$ & took hold ( him4 ,at l5g? he 0 completely br\ght ov]4 ,he x 01 :o "s "t aft]1 be+ visitor1 disp]s$ su* a numb] ( ^? books1 b\ght at _! own *>ge1 :i* ! o!rs _h tri$ utt]ly to de/roy4 ,oh1 h[ wond]ful art ,?\1 my ,god6 ,9 all ,?y ways h[ wise1 9 all ,?y conduct h[ full ( love6 ,h[ well ,?\ can/ fru/rate all ! false wisdom ( m51 & triumph ov] _! va9 pret5sions6 ,!re 7 9 ?is noviciate _m novices4 ,! elde/ ( !m grew s v uneasy "u 8 vocation1 t he knew n :at to d4 ,s great 0 8 tr\ble t he c\ld nei!r read1 /udy1 pray1 nor d sc>cely any ( 8 duties4 ,8 companion br\ght him to me4 ,we spoke a:ile toge!r1 & ! ,"l discov]$ to me bo? ! cause ( 8 disord] & its rem$y4 ,i told x to him2 & he began to practice pray]1 ev5 t ( ! he>t4 ,he 0 on a sudd5 wond]fully *ang$1 & ! ,"l highly favor$ him4 ,z ,i spoke to him grace wr\ght 9 8 he>t1 & 8 s\l drank x 91 z ! p>*$ gr\nd does ! g5tle ra94 ,he felt himself reliev$ ( 8 pa9 be=e he left ! room4 ,he !n readily1 joyfully1 & p]fectly p]=m$ all 8 ex]cises1 :i* be=e 7 done ) reluctance & disgu/4 ,he n[ bo? /udi$ & pray$ easily1 & dis*>g$ all 8 duties1 9 su* a mann]1 t he 0 sc>ce kn[n to himself or to o!rs4 ,:at a/oni%$ him mo/ 0 a rem>kable gift ( pray]4 ,he saw t !re 0 readily giv5 him :at he c\ld nev] h be=e1 :atev] pa9s he took = x4 ,?is enliv5+ gift 0 ! pr9ciple :i* made him act1 gave him grace = 8 employm5ts1 & an inw>d fruition ( ! grace ( ,god1 :i* br\ght all good ) x4 ,he gradually br\ght me all ! novices1 all ( :om p>took ( ! effects ( grace1 ?\gh diff]5tly1 accord+ to _! diff]5t temp]am5ts4 ,nev] 0 !re a m fl\ri%+ noviciate4 ,! ma/] & sup]ior c\ld n =be> admir+ s great a *ange 9 _! novices1 ?\gh !y did n "k ! cause ( x4 ,"o day1 z !y 7 speak+ ( x to ! collector1 = !y e/eem$ him highly on acc\nt ( 8 virtue1 he said1 ,my fa!rs1 if y w p]mit me1 ,i w tell y ! reason ( x4 ,x is ! lady aga9/ :om y h exclaim$ s mu* )\t kn[+ h]1 :om ,god has made use ( = all ( ?is4 ,!y 7 v surpris$2 & bo? ! ma/]1 ?\gh advanc$ 9 age1 & 8 sup]ior !n submitt$ humbly to practice pray]1 aft] ! mann] taught by a little book1 :i* ! ,"l inspir$ me to write1 & ( :i* ,i %all say m h]eaft]4 ,!y reap$ su* b5efit f x1 t ! sup]ior said to me1 ,i am become q a new man4 ,i c\ld n practice pray] be=e1 because my reason+ faculty 0 gr[n dull & exhau/$2 b n[ ,i d x z (t5 z ,i w1 ) ease1 ) mu* fruit1 & a q diff]5t s5sation ( ! pres5ce ( ,god4 ,& ! ma/] said1 ,i h be5 a fri> ^! =ty ye>s1 & c truly say t ,i nev] knew h[ to pray2 nor h ,i ev] kn[n or ta/$ ( ,god1 z ,i h done s9ce ,i read t little book4 ,_m o!rs 7 ga9$ to ,god1 :om ,i look$ on to be my *ildr54 ,he gave me ?ree fam\s fri>s1 ( an ord] by :i* ,i h be51 & /ill am1 v mu* p]secut$4 ,he made me also ( s]vice to a great numb] ( nuns1 ( virtu\s "y wom51 & ev5 m5 ( ! _w2 among ! re/ a "y man ( quality1 :o _h quitt$ ! ord] ( ! knights ( ,malta1 to take t ( ! prie/hood4 ,he 0 ! relation ( a bi%op ne> him1 :o _h o!r designs ( pref]m5t = him4 ,he has be5 mu* favor$ ( ! ,"l1 & is con/ant 9 pray]4 ,i c\ld n describe ! great numb] ( s\ls :i* 7 !n giv5 me1 z well maids1 z wives1 prie/s & fri>s4 ,b !re 7 ?ree curates1 "o canon1 & "o gr&-vic>1 :o 7 m p>ticul>ly giv5 me4 ,!re 0 "o prie/ = :om ,i suff]$ mu*1 ?r\gh 8 n be+ will+ to die to himself1 & lov+ himself too mu*4 ,) a sad regret ,i saw him decay+1 fall+ away4 ,z = ! o!rs !re are "s ( !m :o h cont9u$ /$fa/ & immovable1 & "s :om ! tempe/ has %ak5 a little1 b n torn away4 ,?\gh ^! />t aside1 yet !y /ill return4 ,b ^? :o are snat*$ q away return no m4 ,!re 0 "o true daught] giv5 me1 :om our ,"l made use ( to ga9 _m o!rs to ,him4 ,%e 0 9 a /range /ate ( dea? :5 ,i fir/ saw h]1 & by me ,he gave h] life & peace4 ,%e aft]w>d1 fell extremely ill4 ,! doctors said %e w\ld die2 b ,i _h an assurance ( ! contr>y1 & t ,god w\ld make use ( h] to ga9 s\ls1 z he has done4 ,!re 0 9 a mona/]y a "y woman conf9$ 9 a /ate ( di/raction4 ,i saw h]1 knew h] case1 & t x 0 n :at !y ?\ght x 04 ,z soon z ,i _h spok5 to h] %e recov]$4 ,b ! prioress did n l t ,i %\ld tell h] my ?\ghts ( x1 because ! p]son :o _h br\ght h] ?i!r 0 h] fri5d4 ,!y plagu$ h] m ?an be=e1 & ?rew h] back aga9 into h] di/raction4 ,a si/] ( ano!r mona/]y _h be5 = eight ye>s 9 a deep melan*oly unreliev$ by anyone4 ,h] director increas$ x1 by practic+ rem$ies contr>y to h] disord]4 ,i _h nev] be5 9 t mona/]y2 = ,i did n g into su* places1 unless ,i 0 s5t =1 z ,i did n ?9k x "r to intrude1 b left myself to be conduct$ ( ,provid5ce4 ,i 0 v mu* surpris$ t at eight o'clock at night "o came = me f ! prioress4 ,x 0 9 ! long days ( summ]1 & be+ ne>1 ,i w5t4 ,i met ) a si/] :o told me h] case4 ,%e _h gone to su* excess1 t see+ no rem$y = x1 %e _h tak5 a knife to kill h]self4 ,! knife fell out ( h] h& & a p]son com+ to see h] _h advis$ h] to speak to me4 ,our ,"l made me "k at fir/ :at ! matt] 02 & t ,he requir$ h] to resign h]self to ,him1 in/ead ( resi/+ ,him z !y _h made h] d = eight ye>s4 ,i 0 in/rum5tal to draw h] into su* a resignation1 t %e ent]$ at once into a peace ( p>adise2 all h] pa9s & tr\bles 7 in/antly bani%$2 & nev] return$ aga94 ,%e has ! greate/ capacity ( any 9 ! h\se4 ,%e 0 pres5tly s *ang$ z to be ! admiration ( ! :ole community4 ,our ,"l gave h] a v great gift ( pray] & ,8 cont9ual pres5ce1 ) a faculty & read9ess = ev]y?+4 ,a dome/ic also1 :o _h tr\bl$ h] = tw5ty-two ye>s pa/1 0 deliv]$ f h] tr\bles4 ,t produc$ a close tie ( fri5d%ip betwe5 ! prioress & me1 z ! wond]ful *ange & ! peace ( ?is si/] surpris$ h]1 %e hav+ s (t5 se5 h] 9 h] t]rible sorr[4 ,i also contract$ o!r su* ties 9 ?is mona/]y1 :]e !re are s\ls "u ! ,"l's special reg>d1 :om ,he drew to ,himself by ! means ,he _h be5 pleas$ to make *oice4 ,i 0 specially mov$ to read ! ,holy ,scriptures4 ,:5 ,i began ,i 0 impell$ to write ! passage1 & in/antly its explication 0 giv5 me1 :i* ,i also wrote1 go+ on ) inconceivable exp$ition1 light be+ p\r$ 9 ^u me 9 su* a mann]1 t ,i f\nd ,i _h 9 myself lat5t treasures ( wisdom & k :i* ,i _h n yet kn[n (4 ,be=e ,i wrote ,i knew n :at ,i 0 go+ to write4 ,& aft] ,i _h writt51 ,i rememb]$ no?+ ( :at ,i _h p5n$2 nor c\ld ,i make use ( any "p ( x = ! help ( s\ls4 ,! ,"l gave me1 at ! "t ,i spoke to !m 7)\t any /udy or reflection ( m9e7 all t 0 necess>y = !m4 ,?us ! ,"l made me g on ) an explanation ( ! holy int]nal s5se ( ! ,scriptures4 ,i _h no o!r book b ! ,bible1 nor ev] made use ( any b t1 & )\t ev5 seek+ = any4 ,:51 9 writ+ on ! ,old ,te/am5t1 ,i made use ( passages ( ! ,new1 to support :at ,i _h said1 x 0 )\t seek+ !m1 !y 7 giv5 me along ) ! explication2 & 9 writ+ on ! ,new ,te/am5t1 !re9 mak+ use ( passages ( ! ,old1 !y 7 giv5 me 9 l mann] )\t my seek+ any?+4 ,i _h sc>ce any "t = writ+ b 9 ! night1 all[+ only "o or two h\rs to sleep4 ,! ,"l made me write ) s mu* purity1 t ,i 0 oblig$ to leave (f or beg9 aga91 z ,he 0 pleas$ to ord]4 ,:5 ,i wrote by day1 (t5 sudd5ly int]rupt$1 ,i left ! ^w unf9i%$1 & ,he aft]w>d gave me :at ,he pleas$4 ,if ,i gave way to reflection ,i 0 puni%$ = x1 & c\ld n proce$4 ,yet sometimes ,i 0 n duly att5tive to ! div9e ,_s1 ?9k+ ,i did well to cont9ue :5 ,i _h "t1 ev5 )\t feel+ ,8 imm$iate impulse or enlightn+ influ5ce1 f :5ce x is easy to see "s places cle> & consi/5t1 & o!rs :i* h nei!r ta/e nor unction2 su* is ! diff]5ce ( ! ,_s ( ,god f ! human & natural _s4 ,al?\gh !y are left j z ,i wrote !m1 yet ,i am ready1 if ord]$1 to adju/ !m accord+ to my pres5t light4 ,did/ ?\ n1 ,o my ,god1 turn me a hundr$ ways1 to prove :e!r ,i 0 )\t any res]ve1 ?r\gh e k9d ( trial1 or :e!r ,i _h n yet "s little int]e/ = myself8 ,my s\l became h]eby readily too pliable to e discov]y ( ! div9e w1 & :atev] k9d ( humiliations att5d$ me to c\nt]balance my ,"l's favors1 till ev]y?+1 high or l[1 0 r5d]$ alike to me4 ,me?9ks ! ,"l acts ) ,8 de>e/ fri5ds z ! sea ) its waves4 ,sometimes x pu%es !m aga9/ ! rocks :]e !y break 9 pieces1 sometimes x rolls !m on ! s&1 or da%es !m on ! mire1 !n in/antly x retakes !m into ! dep?s ( its own bosom1 :]e !y are absorb$ ) ! same rapidity t !y 7 fir/ eject$4 ,ev5 among ! good ! f> great] "p are s\ls only ( m]cy2 surely t is well2 b to app]ta9 to div9e ju/ice1 oh1 h[ r>e & yet h[ great6 ,m]cy is all di/ributive 9 favor ( ! creature1 b ju/ice de/roys ev]y?+ ( ! creature1 )\t sp>+ any?+4 ,! lady1 :o 0 my p>ticul> fri5d1 began to conceive "s jeal\sy on ! applause giv5 me1 ,god s p]mitt+ if = ! f>!r purification ( h] s\l1 ?r\gh ?is weakness1 & ! pa9 x caus$ h]4 ,also "s confessors began to be uneasy1 say+ t x 0 none ( my bus9ess to invade _! prov9ce1 & to m$dle 9 ! helps ( s\ls2 t !re 7 "s ( ! p5it5ts :i* _h a great affection = me4 ,x 0 easy = me to obs]ve ! diff]5ce betwe5 ^? confessors :o1 9 _! conduct+ ( s\ls1 seek no?+ b ,god1 & ^? :o seek !mselves !re94 ,! fir/ came to see me1 & rejoic$ greatly at ! grace ( ,god be/[$ on _! p5it5ts1 )\t fix+ _! att5tion on ! in/rum5t4 ,! o!rs1 on ! contr>y1 tri$ und]h& to /ir up ! t[n aga9/ me4 ,i saw t !y w\ld be 9 ! "r to oppose me1 if ,i _h intrud$ ( myself2 b ,i c\ld d no?+ b :at ! ,"l made me d4 ,at times !re came "s to dispute & oppose me4 ,two fri>s came1 "o ( !m a man ( pr(\nd le>n+ & a great prea*]4 ,!y came sep>ately1 aft] hav+ /udi$ a numb] ( difficult ?+s to propose to me4 ,?\gh !y 7 matt]s f> out ( my rea*1 ! ,"l made me answ] z ju/ly z if ,i _h /udi$ !m all my life2 aft] :i* ,i spoke to !m z ,he inspir$ me4 ,!y w5t away n only conv9c$ & satisfi$1 b affect$ ) ! love ( ,god4 ,i /ill cont9u$ writ+ ) a prodigi\s swiftness2 = ! h& c\ld sc>cely foll[ fa/ en\gh ! ,_s :i* dictat$4 ,?r\gh ! :ole progress ( s long a "w ,i nev] alt]$ my mann] nor made use ( any o!r book ?an ! ,bible itself4 ,! transcrib]1 :atev] dilig5ce he us$1 c\ld n copy 9 five days :at ,i wrote 9 "o night4 ,:atev] is good 9 x comes f ,god only4 ,:atev] is o!rwise f myself2 ,i mean f ! mixture :i* ,i h made1 )\t duly att5d+ to x1 ( my own impurity ) 8 pure & *a/e doctr9e4 ,9 ! day ,i _h sc>cely "t to eat1 by reason ( ! va/ numb]s ( p :i* came ?rong+ to me4 ,i wrote ! canticles 9 a day & a half1 & receiv$ sev]al visits besides4 ,"h ,i may add to :at ,i h said ab\t my writ+s1 t a consid]able "p ( ! book ( ,judges happ5$ by "s means to be lo/4 ,be+ desir$ to r5d] t book complete1 ,i wrote aga9 ! places lo/4 ,aft]w>d :5 ! p 7 ab\t leav+ ! h\se1 !y 7 f\nd4 ,my =m] & latt] explications1 on comp>ison1 7 f\nd to be p]fectly con=mable to ea* o!r1 :i* greatly surpris$ p]sons ( k & m]it1 :o atte/$ ! tru? ( x4 ,!re came to see me a c\nselor ( ! p>liam5t1 a s]vant ( ,god1 :o f9d+ on my table a tract on pray]1 :i* ,i _h writt5 long be=e1 desir$ me to l5d x4 ,hav+ read x & lik$ x mu*1 he l5t x to "s fri5ds1 to :om he ?\ght x might be ( s]vice4 ,ev]yone want$ copies ( x4 ,he resolv$ !re=e to h x pr9t$4 ,! impression 0 begun1 & prop] approbations giv5 to x4 ,!y reque/$ me to write a preface1 :i* ,i did1 & ?us 0 t little book pr9t$4 ,?is c\nselor 0 "o ( my intimate fri5ds1 & a patt]n ( piety4 ,! book has already pass$ ?r\gh five or six editions2 & our ,"l has giv5 a v great b5$iction to x4 ,^? good fri>s took fifte5 hundr$ ( !m4 ,! devil became s enrag$ aga9/ me on acc\nt ( ! conque/ :i* ,god made by me1 t ,i 0 assur$ he 0 go+ to /ir up aga9/ me a viol5t p]secution4 ,all t gave me no tr\ble4 ,let him /ir up aga9/ me ev] s /range p]secutions4 ,i "k !y w all s]ve to ! glory ( my ,god4 ,,*apt] #ag ,a poor girl ( v great simplicity1 :o e>n$ h] livelihood by h] labor1 & 0 inw>dly favor$ ( ! ,"l1 came all sorr[ful to me1 & said1 ,oh my "m1 :at /range ?+s h ,i se56 ,i ask$ :at !y 71 ,alas said %e1 ,i h se5 y l a lamb 9 ! mid/ ( a va/ troop ( furi\s wolves4 ,i h se5 a frightful multitude ( p ( all ranks & robes1 ( all ages1 sexes & conditions1 prie/s1 fri>s1 m>ri$ m51 maids & wives1 ) pikes1 halb]ts & drawn swords1 all eag] = y\r in/ant de/ruction4 ,y let !m alone )\t /irr+1 or be+ surpris$ & )\t (f]+ any way to def5d y\rself4 ,i look$ on all sides to see :e!r anyone w\ld come to assi/ & def5d y2 b ,i saw n "o4 ,"s days aft]1 ^?1 :o ?r\gh envy 7 rais+ private batt]ies aga9/ me1 broke =?4 ,libels began to spread4 ,envi\s p wrote aga9/ me1 )\t kn[+ me4 ,!y said t ,i 0 a sorc]ess1 t x 0 by a magic p[] ,i attract$ s\ls1 t ev]y?+ 9 me 0 diabolical2 t if ,i did *>ities1 x 0 because ,i co9$1 & put (f false money1 ) _m o!r gross accusations1 equally false1 gr\ndless & absurd4 ,z ! tempe/ increas$ e day1 "s ( my fri5ds advis$ me to )draw1 b be=e ,i m5tion my leav+ ,gr5oble1 ,i mu/ say some?+ f>!r ( my /ate :ile "h4 ,x seem$ to me t all our ,"l made me d = s\ls1 w\ld be 9 union ) ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,9 ?is div9e union my words1 _h wond]ful effect1 ev5 ! =mation ( ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 ! s\ls ( o!rs4 ,i 0 9 no wise able ( myself to say ! ?+s ,i said4 ,he :o conduct$ me made me say :at ,he pleas$1 & z long z ,he pleas$4 ,to "s ,i 0 n p]mitt$ to speak a ^w2 & to o!rs !re fl[$ =? z x 7 a deluge ( grace1 & yet ?is pure love admitt$ n ( any sup]fluity1 or a means ( empty amusem5t4 ,:5 que/ions 7 ask$1 to :i* an answ] 7 useless1 x 0 n giv5 me4 ,x 0 ! same 9 reg>d to su* z our ,"l 0 pleas$ to conduct ?r\gh dea? to !mselves1 & :o came to seek = human consolation4 ,i _h no?+ = !m b :at 0 purely necess>y1 & c\ld proce$ no f>!r4 ,i c\ld at lea/ only speak ( indiff]5t ?+s1 9 su* lib]ty z ,god all[s1 9 ord] to suit ev]yone1 & n to be unsociable or disagreeable to any2 b = ,8 own ^w1 ,he ,himself is ! disp5s] ( x4 ,oh1 if prea*]s 7 duly c>eful to speak only 9 t _s :at fruits w\ld !y br+ =? 9 ! lives ( ! he>]s6 ,) my true *ildr5 ,i c\ld communicate be/ 9 sil5ce1 9 ! spiritual language ( ! div9e ,^w4 ,i _h ! consolation "s "t be=e to he> "o read 9 ,/4 ,augu/9e a conv]sation he _h ) 8 "m4 ,he compla9s ( ! necessity ( return+ f t heav5ly language to words4 ,i sometimes said1 ,oh1 my ,love1 give me he>ts l>ge en\gh to receive & conta9 ! fulness be/[$ on me4 ,aft] ?is mann]1 :5 ! ,holy ,virg9 approa*$ ,elizabe?1 a wond]ful comm]ce 0 ma9ta9$ betwe5 ,jesus ,*ri/ & ,/4 ,john ! ,bapti/1 :o aft] ?is manife/$ no eag]ness to come to see ,*ri/1 b 0 drawn to retire into ! des]t1 to receive ! l communications ) ! greate/ pl5itude4 ,:5 he came =? to prea* rep5tance1 he said1 n t he 0 ! ,^w1 b only a ,voice :i* 0 s5t to make way1 or op5 a passage into ! he>ts ( ! p = ,*ri/ ! ,^w4 ,he baptiz$ only ) wat]1 = t 0 8 function2 =1 z ! wat] 9 runn+ (f leaves no?+1 s does ! ,voice :5 x is pa/4 ,b ! ,^w baptiz$ ) ! ,holy ,gho/1 because ,he impr9t$ ,himself on s\ls1 & communicat$ ) !m by t ,holy ,_s4 ,x is n obs]v$ t ,jesus ,*ri/ said any?+ dur+ ! :ole obscure "p ( ,8 life1 ?\gh x is true t n any ( ,8 words %all be lo/4 ,oh ,love1 if all ?\ ha/ said & op]at$ 9 sil5ce 7 to be writt51 ,i ?9k ! :ole _w c\ld n conta9 ! books t %\ld be writt54 ,john #ba3be4 ,all t ,i exp]i5c$ 0 %[n me 9 ! ,holy ,scripture4 ,i saw ) admiration t !re pass$ no?+ )9 my s\l :i* 0 n 9 ,jesus ,*ri/ & 9 ! ,holy ,scriptures4 ,i mu/ pass ov] v _m ?+s 9 sil5ce1 because !y _c be express$4 ,if !y 7 express$ !y c\ld n be und]/ood or compreh5d$4 ,i (t5 felt mu* = ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o 0 n yet fix$ 9 8 /ate ( int]ior dea?1 b (t5 rose & fell into alt]natives4 ,i 0 made s5sible t ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 a vessel ( election1 :om ,god _h *os5 to c>ry ,8 "n among ! ,g5tiles1 & t ,he w\ld %[ him h[ mu* he mu/ suff] = t "n4 ,a c>nal _w judges c>nally ( !m1 & imputes to human atta*m5t :at is f ! pure/ grace4 ,if ?is union by any deviation be brok51 ! m pure & p]fect x is1 ! m pa9fully w x be felt2 ! sep>ation ( ! s\l f ,god by s9 be+ worse ?an t f ! body ( dea?4 ,= myself ,i may say ,i _h a cont9ual dep5d5ce on ,god1 9 e /ate2 my s\l 0 ev] will+ to obey e motion ( ,8 ,_s4 ,i ?\ght !re c\ld n be any?+ 9 ! _w :i* ,he c\ld require f me1 to :i* ,i w\ld n give myself up readily & ) pleasure4 ,i _h no int]e/ at all = myself4 ,:5 ,god requires any?+ f ?is wret*$ no?+1 ,i f9d no resi/ance left 9 me to d ,8 w1 h[ rigor\s soev] x may appe>4 ,if !re is a he>t 9 ! _w ( :i* ,?\ art ! sole & absolute ma/]1 m9e seems to be "o ( t sort4 ,?y w1 h[ev] rigor\s1 is its life & its pleasure4 ,to resume ! ?read ( my /ory1 ! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble's ,almon] p]suad$ me to g = "s "t to ,m>seilles1 to let ! /orm pass ov]4 ,he told me t ,i w\ld be well receiv$ !re1 x be+ 8 native soil1 & t _m p ( m]it 7 !re4 ,i wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,combe = 8 cons5t4 ,he readily gave x4 ,i might h gone to ,v]ceil2 = ! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil _h writt5 me v oblig+ lett]s1 e>ne/ly press+ me to come4 ,b a human respect1 & fe> ( af=d+ a h&le to my enemies1 gave me an extreme av]sion !reto4 ,beside ! above1 ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai1 :o1 s9ce my dep>ture f h]1 _h be5 m enlight5$ by h] own exp]i5ce1 hav+ met ) a "p ( ! ?+s :i* ,i ?\ght w\ld befall h]1 _h conceiv$ = me a v /rong fri5d%ip & intimate union ( _s1 9 su* a mann] t no two si/]s c\ld be m unit$ ?an we4 ,%e 0 extremely desir\s t ,i w\ld return to h]1 z ,i _h =m]ly promis$ h]4 ,b ,i c\ld n resolve ^u ?is1 le/ x %\ld be ?\ght t ,i 0 gone aft] ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,!re _h be5 no room giv5 to anybody to accuse me ( any indirect atta*m5t to him2 = :5 x dep5d$ on myself n to cont9ue ) him1 ,i did n d x4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,g5eva _h n fail$ to write aga9/ me to ,gr5oble1 z he _h done to o!r places4 ,8 nephew _h gone f h\se to h\se to cry me d[n4 ,all ?is 0 indiff]5t to me2 & ,i did n cease to d to 8 diocese all ! good 9 my p[]4 ,i ev5 wrote to him 9 a respectful mann]2 b 8 he>t 0 too mu* clos$ to yield to any?+4 ,be=e ,i left ,gr5oble1 t good girl ,i h spok5 ( came to me weep+1 & told me t ,i 0 go+1 & t ,i hid x f h]1 because ,i w\ld h nobody "k x2 b t ! ,devil w\ld be be=e me 9 all ! places ,i %\ld g to2 t ,i 0 go+ to a t[n1 :]e ,i w\ld sc>ce be arriv$1 be=e he w\ld /ir up ! :ole t[n aga9/ me1 & w\ld d me all ! h>m he possibly c\ld4 ,:at _h oblig$ me to conceal my dep>ture1 0 my fe> ( be+ load$ ) visits1 & te/imonies ( fri5d%ip f a numb] ( good p]sons1 :o _h a v great affection = me4 ,i emb>k$ !n ^u ! ,rhone1 ) my maid & a "y woman ( ,gr5oble1 :om ! ,"l has highly favor$ ?r\gh my means4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble's ,almon] also accompani$ me1 ) ano!r v wor?y ecclesia/ic4 ,we met ) _m al>m+ accid5ts & wond]ful pres]vations2 b ^? in/ant dang]s1 :i* affright$ o!rs1 f> f al>m+ me1 augm5t$ my peace4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble's ,almon] 0 mu* a/oni%$4 ,he 0 9 a desp]ate fright1 :5 ! boat /ruck aga9/ a rock1 & op5$ at ! /roke4 ,9 8 emotion look+ att5tively at me1 he obs]v$ t ,i did n *ange my c\nt5ance1 or move my eyebr[s1 reta9+ all my tranquillity4 ,i did n s mu* z feel ! fir/ emotions ( surprise1 :i* are natural to ev]ybody on ^? occasions1 z !y dep5d n on ourselves4 ,:at caus$ my peace 9 su* dang]s z t]rify o!rs1 0 my resignation to ,god1 & because dea? is mu* m agreeable to me ?an life1 if su* 7 ,8 w1 to :i* ,i desire to be ev] pati5tly submissive4 ,a man ( quality1 a s]vant ( ,god1 & "o ( my intimate fri5ds _h giv5 me a lett] = a knight ( ,malta1 :o 0 v dev\t1 & :om ,i h e/eem$ s9ce ,i h kn[n him1 z a man :om our ,"l design$ to s]ve ! ord] ( ,malta greatly1 & to be its ornam5t & support by 8 holy life4 ,i _h told him t ,i ?\ght he %\ld g ?i!r1 & t ,god w\ld assur$ly make use ( him to diffuse a _s ( piety into _m ( ! knights4 ,he has actually gone to ,malta1 :]e ! fir/ places 7 soon giv5 him4 ,?is man ( quality s5t him my little book ( pray] & pr9t$ at ,gr5oble4 ,he _h a *apla9 v av]se to ! spiritual pa?4 ,he took ?is book1 & condemn+ x at once1 w5t to /ir up a "p ( ! t[n1 & among ! re/ a set ( m5 :o call$ !mselves ! sev5ty-two disciples ( ,/4 ,cyran4 ,i arriv$ at ,m>seilles at t5 o'clock 9 ! morn+1 & t v aft]noon all 0 9 a noise aga9/ me4 ,"s w5t to speak to ! bi%op1 tell+ him t1 on acc\nt ( t book1 x 0 necess>y to bani% me f ! city4 ,!y gave him ! book :i* he exam9$ ) "o ( 8 preb5ds4 ,he lik$ x well4 ,he s5t = ,monsieur ,malaval & a fa!r ,recollect1 :o he knew _h come to see me a little aft] my arrival1 to inquire ( !m f :5ce t great tumult _h its rise1 :i* inde$ _h no o!r effect on me ?an to make me smile1 see+ s soon accompli%$ :at t "y woman _h =etold me4 ,monsieur ,malaval & t good fa!r told ! bi%op :at !y ?\ght ( me2 aft] :i* he te/ifi$ mu* uneas9ess at ! insult giv5 me4 ,i 0 oblig$ to g to see him4 ,he receiv$ me ) extraord9>y respect1 & begg$ my excuse = :at _h happ5$2 desir$ me to /ay at ,m>seilles1 & assur$ me t he w\ld protect me4 ,he ev5 ask$ :]e ,i lodg$1 t he might come to see me4 ,next day ! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble's ,almon] w5t to see him1 ) t o!r prie/ :o _h come ) u4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,m>seilles aga9 te/ifi$ to !m 8 sorr[ = ! insults giv5 me )\t any cause2 & told !m1 t x 0 usual ) ^? p]sons to insult all su* z 7 n ( _! cabal1 t !y _h ev5 insult$ himself4 ,!y 7 n cont5t ) t4 ,!y wrote to me ! mo/ (f5sive lett]s possible1 ?\gh at ! same "t !y did n "k me4 ,i appreh5d$ t our ,"l 0 beg9n+ 9 e>ne/ to take f me e place ( abode2 & ^? words 7 r5ew$ 9 my m9d1 ,! foxes h holes1 & ! birds ( ! air h ne/s1 b ! ,son ( man ha? n :]e to lay 8 head4 ,9 ! %ort "t ( my /ay at ,m>seilles1 ,i 0 in/rum5tal 9 support+ "s good s\ls1 & among o!rs an ecclesia/ic1 :o till !n 0 unacqua9t$ ) me4 ,aft] hav+ f9i%$ 8 ?anksgiv+ 9 ! *ur*1 see+ me g out1 he foll[$ me into ! h\se 9 :i* ,i lodg$4 ,!n he told me t ! ,"l _h inspir$ him to address me1 & to op5 8 inw>d /ate to me4 ,he did x ) z mu* simplicity z humility1 & ! ,"l gave him ?r\gh me all t 0 necess>y = him1 f :5ce he 0 fill$ ) joy1 & ?ankful ackn[l$gm5ts to ,god4 ,al?\gh !re 7 _m spiritual p]sons !re1 & ev5 ( 8 intimate fri5ds1 he nev] _h be5 mov$ to op5 8 m9d to any ( !m4 ,he 0 a s]vant ( ,god1 & favor$ by ,him ) a s+ul> gift ( pray]4 ,dur+ ! eight days ,i 0 at ,m>seilles1 ,i saw _m good s\ls !re4 ,?r\gh all my p]secutions1 our ,"l always /ruck "s good /roke ( ,8 own "r h&1 & t good ecclesia/ic 0 deliv]$ f an anxiety ( m9d1 :i* _h mu* afflict$ him = "s ye>s4 ,aft] ,i _h left ,gr5oble1 ^? :o hat$ me1 )\t kn[+ me1 spread libels aga9/ me4 ,a woman = :om ,i _h great love1 & :om ,i _h ev5 extricat$ f an engagem5t :i* %e _h cont9u$ 9 = sev]al ye>s1 & contribut$ to h] disc>d+ ! p]son to :om %e _h be5 atta*$1 suff]$ h] m9d to resume its fondness = t p]nici\s engagem5t4 ,%e became viol5tly enrag$ aga9/ me = hav+ brok5 x (f4 ,al?\gh ,i _h freely be5 at "s exp5se to procure h] fre$om1 /ill %e w5t to ! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble1 to tell him t ,i _h c\nsel$ h] to d an act ( inju/ice4 ,%e !n w5t f confessor to confessor1 repeat+ ! same /ory1 to animate !m aga9/ me4 ,z !y 7 too susceptible ( ! prejudices infus$1 ! fire 0 soon k9dl$ 9 all qu>t]s4 ,!re 7 none b ^? :o knew me1 & :o lov$ ,god1 t took my "p4 ,!y became m closely unit$ to me 9 sympa?y ?r\gh my p]secution4 ,x w\ld h be5 v easy = me to de/roy ! calumny1 z well ) ! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble4 ,i ne$$ only to tell :o ! p]son 01 & %[ ! fruits ( h] disord]4 ,i c\ld n decl>e ! guilty p]son1 )\t mak+ kn[n at ! same "t ! o!r :o _h be5 h] accomplice1 :o n[1 be+ t\*$ ( ,god1 0 v p5it5t1 ,i ?\ght x be/ = me to suff] & be sil5t4 ,!re 0 a v pi\s man :o knew all h] hi/ory1 f ! beg9n+ to ! end ( x1 :o wrote to h]1 t if %e did n retract h] lies1 he w\ld publi% ! acc\nt ( h] wick$ life1 to make kn[n bo? h] gross iniquity & my innoc5ce4 ,%e cont9u$ "s "t 9 h] malice1 writ+ t ,i 0 a sorc]ess1 ) _m o!r falsehoods4 ,"s "t aft] %e _h su* a cruel remorse ( consci5ce on ?is acc\nt1 t %e wrote bo? to ! bi%op & o!rs to retract :at %e _h said4 ,%e induc$ "o to write to me1 to in=m me t %e 0 9 despair = :at %e _h done2 t ,god _h puni%$ h]4 ,aft] ^! recantations ! outcry abat$1 ! bi%op disabus$1 & s9ce t "t he has te/ifi$ a great reg>d = me4 ,?is creature _h1 among o!r ?+s1 said t ,i caus$ myself to be wor%ip$2 also o!r unp>allel$ follies4 ,f ,m>seilles ,i knew n h[ or :i!r ,i %\ld turn next4 ,i saw no likelihood ei!r ( /ay+ or ( return+ to ,gr5oble1 :]e ,i _h left my daught] 9 a conv5t4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe _h writt5 to me t he did n ?9k ,i ought to g to ,p>is4 ,i ev5 felt a /rong repugnance to ! idea ( go+1 :i* made me ?9k x 0 n yet ! "t = x4 ,"o morn+ ,i felt myself inw>dly press$ to g some:]e4 ,i took a conveyance to g to see ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai1 :i* 01 ,i ?\ght1 ! mo/ honorable refuge = me 9 my pres5t condition4 ,i ?\ght ,i might pass ?r\gh ,nice on my way to h] habitation1 z "s _h assur$ me ,i might4 ,b :5 ,i arriv$ at ,nice1 ,i 0 greatly surpris$ to le>n t ! conveyance c\ld n pass ! m\nta94 ,i knew n :at to d1 nor :i* way to turn1 alone1 =sak5 ( ev]ybody1 & n kn[+ :at ,god requir$ ( me4 ,my confusion & crosses seem$ to increase4 ,i saw myself1 )\t refuge or retreat1 w&]+ z a vagabond4 ,all ! tradesm51 :om ,i saw 9 _! %ops1 appe>$ to me happy1 9 hav+ a dwell+ ( _! own 9 :i* to retire4 ,no?+ 9 ! _w seem$ h>d] ?an ?is w&]+ life to me1 :o naturally lov$ propriety & decorum4 ,z ,i 0 9 ?is unc]ta9ty1 n kn[+ :at c\rse to take1 "o came to tell me t next day a sloop w\ld set (f1 :i* us$ to g 9 "o day to ,g5oa2 & t if ,i *ose x1 !y w\ld l& me at ,savona1 f :5ce ,i might get myself c>ri$ to ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai's h\se4 ,to t ,i cons5t$1 z ,i c\ld n be suppli$ ) any o!r way4 ,i _h "s joy at emb>k+ on ! sea4 ,i said 9 myself1 ,if ,i am ! dregs ( ! e>?1 ! scorn & (fsc\r+ ( nature1 ,i am n[ go+ to emb>k on ! elem5t :i* above all o!rs is ! mo/ trea*]\s2 if x be ! ,"l's pleasure to plunge me 9 ! waves1 x %all be m9e to p]i% 9 !m4 ,!re came a tempe/ 9 a place dang]\s = a small boat2 & ! m>9]s 7 "s ( ! wick$e/4 ,! irritation ( ! waves gave a satisfaction to my m9d4 ,i pleas$ myself 9 ?9k+ t ^? mut9\s bill[s might probably supply me ) a grave4 ,p]haps ,i c>ri$ ! po9t too f> 9 ! pleasure ,i took1 at see+ myself beat5 & b&i$ by ! wat]s4 ,^? :o 7 ) me1 took notice ( my intrepidity1 b knew n ! cause ( x4 ,i ask$ "s little hole ( a rock to be plac$ 91 !re to live sep>ate f all creatures4 ,i figur$ to myself1 t "s un9habit$ isl& w\ld h t]m9at$ all my disgraces1 & put me 9 a condition ( infallibly do+ ,?y w4 ,?\ design$/ me a prison f> diff]5t f t ( ! rock1 & q ano!r bani%m5t ?an t ( ! un9habit$ isl&4 ,?\ res]ve/ me to be batt]$ by bill[s1 m irritat$ ?an ^? ( ! sea4 ,calumnies prov$ to be ! unrel5t+ waves1 to :i* ,i 0 to be expos$1 9 ord] to be la%$ & toss$ by !m )\t m]cy4 ,by ! tempe/ we 7 kept back1 & in/ead ( a %ort day's passage to ,g5oa1 we 7 elev5 days mak+ x4 ,h[ peaceable 0 my he>t 9 s viol5t an agitation6 ,we c\ld n l& at ,savona4 ,we 7 oblig$ to g on to ,g5oa4 ,we arriv$ !re 9 ! beg9n+ ( ! week be=e ,ea/]4 ,:ile ,i 0 !re ,i 0 oblig$ to be> ! insults ( ! inhabitants1 caus$ by ! res5tm5t !y _h aga9/ ! ,fr5* because ( ! havoc ( a late bomb>dm5t4 ,! ,doge 0 newly gone out ( ! city1 & _h c>ri$ (f ) him all ! coa*es4 ,i c\ld n get "o1 & 0 oblig$ to /ay sev]al days at excessive exp5ses4 ,! p !re dem&$ ( u exorbitant sums1 & z mu* = e s+le p]son z !y w\ld h ask$ = a company at ! be/ eat+ place 9 ,p>is4 ,i _h little money left1 b my /ore 9 ,provid5ce c\ld n be exhau/$4 ,i begg$ ) ! greate/ e>ne/ness = a c>riage at any price1 to pass ! fea/ ( ,ea/] at ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai's h\se4 ,x 0 !n )9 ?ree days ( ,ea/]4 ,i c\ld sc>ce any way get myself to be und]/ood4 ,by ! =ce ( entreaty1 !y br\ght me at l5g? a sorry coa* ) lame mules1 & told me t !y w\ld take me readily to ,v]ceil1 :i* 0 only two days j\rney1 b dem&$ an enorm\s sum4 ,!y w\ld n engage to take me to ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai's h\se1 z !y knew n :]e h] e/ate lay4 ,?is 0 to me a /rong mortification2 = ,i 0 v will+ to g to ,v]ceil2 nev]!less ! proximity ( ,ea/]2 & want ( money1 9 a c\ntry :]e !y us$ e k9d ( extortion & tyranny1 left me no *oice4 ,i 0 "u an absolute necessity ( submitt+ to be ?us convey$ to ,v]ceil4 ,?us ,provid5ce l$ me :i!r ,i w\ld n4 ,our mulete] 0 "o ( ! mo/ brutal m52 & = an increase ( my affliction1 ,i _h s5t away to ,v]ceil ! ecclesia/ic :o accompani$ u1 to prev5t _! surprise at see+ me !re1 aft] ,i _h prote/$ aga9/ go+4 ,t ecclesia/ic 0 v co>sely treat$ on ! road1 ?r\gh ! hatr$ !y bore to ! ,fr5*4 ,!y made him g "p ( ! way on foot1 s t1 ?\gh he set (f ! day be=e me1 he arriv$ !re only a few h\rs soon] ?an ,i did4 ,z = ! fell[ :o conduct$ u1 see+ he _h only wom5 "u 8 c>e1 he treat$ u 9 ! mo/ insol5t & boori% mann]4 ,we pass$ ?r\gh a wood infe/$ ) robb]s4 ,! mulete] 0 afraid1 & told u1 t1 if we met any ( !m on ! road1 we %\ld be murd]$4 ,!y sp>$ nobody4 ,sc>cely _h he utt]$ ^! words1 :5 !re appe>$ f\r m5 well arm$4 ,!y imm$iately /opp$ u6 ,! man 0 exce$+ly fright5$4 ,i made a light b[ ( my head1 ) a smile1 = ,i _h no fe>1 & 0 s entirely resign$ to ,provid5ce1 t x 0 all "o to die ?is way or any o!r2 9 ! sea1 or by ! h&s ( robb]s4 ,:5 ! dang]s 7 mo/ manife/1 !n 0 my fai? ! /ronge/1 z well z my intrepidity1 be+ unable to wi% = any?+ else ?an :at %\ld fall out1 :e!r to be da%$ aga9/ ! rocks1 dr[n$1 or kill$ 9 any o!r way2 ev]y?+ 9 ! w ( ,god be+ equal to me4 ,! p :o us$ to convey or att5d me said t !y _h nev] se5 a c\rage l m9e2 = ! mo/ al>m+ dang]s1 & ! "t :5 dea? appe>$ ! mo/ c]ta91 7 ^? :i* seem$ to please me ! mo/4 ,0 x n ?y pleasure1 ,o my ,god1 :i* gu>d$ me 9 e imm95t dang]1 & held me back f roll+ d[n ! precipice1 on ! in/ant ( slid+ ov] its dizzy br[8 ,! m easy ,i 0 ab\t life1 :i* ,i bore only because ,?\ wa/ pleas$ to be> x1 ! m c>e ,?\ tooke/ to pres]ve x4 ,!re seem$ a mutual emulation betwe5 u1 on my "p to resign x1 & on ?9e to ma9ta9 x4 ,! robb]s !n advanc$ to ! coa*2 b ,i _h no soon] salut$ !m1 ?an ,god made !m *ange _! design4 ,hav+ pu%$ (f "o ano!r1 z x 71 to h9d] ea* ( !m f do+ any h>m2 !y respectfully salut$ me1 &1 ) an air ( compassion1 unusual to su* sorts ( p]sons1 retir$4 ,i 0 imm$iately /ruck to ! he>t ) a full & cle> conviction t x 0 a /roke ( ,?y "r h&1 :o _h o!r designs ov] me ?an to suff] me to die by ! h& ( robb]s4 ,x is ,?y sov]eign p[] :i* takes away _! all f ,?y devot$ lov]s2 & de/roys _! lives ) all t is ( self )\t pity or sp>+ any?+4 ,! mulete]1 see+ me att5d$ only ) two "y wom51 ?\ght he might treat me z he w\ld1 p]haps expect+ to draw money f me4 ,in/ead ( tak+ me to ! inn1 he br\ght me to a mill1 9 :i* !re 0 a woman4 ,!re 0 b "o s+le room ) sev]al b$s 9 x1 9 :i* ! mill]s & mulete]s lay toge!r4 ,9 t *amb] !y =c$ me to /ay4 ,i told ! mulete] ,i 0 n a p]son to lie 9 su* a place & want$ to oblige him to take me to ! inn4 ,no?+ ( x w\ld he d4 ,i 0 con/ra9$ to g out on foot1 at t5 o'clock at night1 c>ry+ a "p ( my clo!s1 & to g a good way m ?an a qu>t] ( a league 9 ! d>k1 9 a /range place1 n kn[+ ! way1 cross+ "o end ( ! wood infe/$ ) robb]s1 to endeavor to get to ! inn4 ,t fell[1 see+ u g (f f ! place1 :]e he _h want$ to make me lodge1 hoot$ aft] u 9 a v abusive mann]4 ,i bore my humiliation *e]fully1 b n )\t feel+ x4 ,b ! w ( ,god & my resignation to x r5d]$ ev]y?+ easy to me4 ,we 7 well receiv$ at ! inn2 & ! good p !re did ! be/ 9 _! p[] = our recov]y f ! fatigue we _h und]gone4 ,!y assur$ u ! place we _h left 0 v dang]\s4 ,next morn+ we 7 oblig$ to return on foot to ! c>riage = t man w\ld n br+ x to u4 ,on ! contr>y1 he gave u a %[] ( fre% insults4 ,to consummate 8 base behavior1 he sold me to ! po/1 :]eby ,i 0 =c$ to g ! re/ ( ! way 9 a po/-*aise in/ead ( a c>riage4 ,9 ?is equipage ,i arriv$ at ,alex&ria1 a fronti] t[n1 subject to ,spa91 on ! side ( ! ,milanese4 ,our driv] took u1 accord+ to _! cu/om1 to ! po/h\se4 ,i 0 exce$+ly a/oni%$ :5 ,i saw ! l&lady com+ out n to receive him1 b to oppose 8 entrance4 ,%e _h he>d !re 7 wom5 9 ! *aise1 & tak+ u = a diff]5t sort ( wom5 f :at we 71 %e prote/$ aga9/ our com+ 94 ,on ! o!r h&1 ! driv] 0 det]m9$ to =ce 8 entrance 9 spite ( h]4 ,_! dispute rose to su* a height1 t a great numb] ( ! (fic]s ( ! g>rison1 ) a mob1 ga!r$ at ! noise1 :o 7 surpris$ at ! odd humor ( ! woman 9 refus+ to lodge u4 ,) e>ne/ness ,i entreat$ ! po/ to take u to "s o!r h\se1 b he w\ld n2 s ob/9ately 0 he b5t on c>ry+ 8 po9t4 ,he assur$ ! l&lady we 7 p]sons ( honor & piety too2 ! m>ks :]e( he _h se54 ,at la/1 by =ce ( press+ entreaties1 he oblig$ h] to come to see u4 ,z soon z %e _h look$ at u1 %e act$ z ! robb]s _h done2 %e rel5t$ at once & admitt$ u4 ,no soon] _h ,i alight$ f ! *aise1 ?an %e said1 ,g %ut y\rselves up 9 t *amb] h>d by1 & d n /ir1 t my son may n "k y are "h2 z soon z he kn[s x he w kill y4 ,%e said x ) s mu* =ce1 z did also ! s]vant maid1 t1 if dea? _h n s _m *>ms = me1 ,i %\ld h be5 ready to die ) fe>4 ,! two poor girls ) me 7 "u frightful appreh5sions4 ,:5 any /irr$1 or came to op5 ! door1 !y ?\ght !y 7 com+ to kill !m4 ,9 %ort !y cont9u$ 9 a dreadful susp5se1 betwe5 life & dea?1 till next day1 :5 we le>n$ t ! "y man _h sworn to kill any woman :o lodg$ at ! h\se4 ,a few days be=e1 an ev5t _h fall5 out1 :i* _h l to h ru9$ him2 a woman ( a bad life hav+ !re privately murd]$ a man 9 "s e/eem1 t _h co/ ! h\se a heavy f9e2 & he 0 afraid ( any m su* p]sons com+1 n )\t reason4 ,,*apt] #ah ,aft] ^! adv5tures1 & o!rs :i* x w\ld be t$i\s to recite1 ,i arriv$ at ,v]ceil4 ,i w5t to ! inn1 :]e ,i 0 badly receiv$4 ,i s5t = ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o ,i ?\ght _h be5 already appris$ ( my com+1 by ! ecclesia/ic :om ,i _h s5t be=e1 & :o w\ld be ( s mu* s]vice to me4 ,?is ecclesia/ic 0 only a little :ile arriv$4 ,h[ mu* bett] on ! road %\ld ,i h f>$1 if ,i _h him ) me6 ,= 9 t c\ntry !y look ^u ladies1 accompani$ ) ecclesia/ics1 ) v5]ation1 z p]sons ( honor & piety4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe came 9 a /range fret at my arrival1 ,god s p]mitt+ x4 ,he said t e "o w\ld ?9k ,i 0 come aft] him1 & t w\ld injure 8 reputation1 :i* 9 t c\ntry 0 v high4 ,i _h no less pa9 to g4 ,x 0 necessity only :i* _h oblig$ me to submit to su* a disagreeable task4 ,! fa!r receiv$ me ) coolness1 & 9 su* a mann] z let me suffici5tly see 8 s5tim5ts1 & inde$ r$\bl$ my pa94 ,i ask$ him if he requir$ me to return1 add+1 if he did1 ,i w\ld g (f t mom5t h[ev] oppress$ & sp5t1 bo? ) fatigues & fa/+s4 ,he said t he did n "k h[ ! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil w\ld take my arrival1 aft] he _h giv5 ov] all 8 expectations ( x1 & aft] ,i _h s long1 & s ob/9ately1 refus$ ! oblig+ (f]s he _h made me2 s9ce :i* he no long] express$ any desire to see me4 ,x seem$ to me !n z if ,i 7 reject$ f ! face ( ! e>?1 )\t be+ able to f9d any refuge1 & z if all creatures 7 comb9$ to cru% me4 ,i pass$ t night )\t sleep1 n kn[+ :at c\rse ,i %\ld be oblig$ to take1 be+ p]secut$ by my enemies1 & a subject ( disgrace to my fri5ds4 ,:5 x 0 kn[n at ! inn1 t ,i 0 "o ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe's acqua9tance1 !y treat$ me ) greate/ respect & k9dness4 ,!y e/eem$ him z a sa9t4 ,! fa!r knew n h[ to tell ! bi%op ( my arrival1 & ,i felt 8 pa9 m ?an my own4 ,z soon z t ,prelate knew t ,i 0 arriv$1 he s5t 8 niece1 :o took me 9 h] coa*1 & c>ri$ me to h] h\se4 ,^! ?+s 7 only done out ( c]emony2 & ! bi%op1 n hav+ se5 me yet1 knew n :at to ?9k ( a j\rney s v unexpect$1 aft] ,i _h ?rice refus$1 ?\gh he s5t expresses on purpose to br+ me to him4 ,he 0 out ( humor ) me4 ,nev]!less1 z he 0 in=m$ t my design 0 n to /ay at ,v]ceil1 b to g to ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai's h\se1 he gave ord]s = me to be well treat$4 ,he c\ld n see me till ,ea/] ,sunday 0 ov]4 ,he (ficiat$ all ! eve & all t day4 ,aft] x 0 ov]1 he came 9 a *aise to 8 niece's h\se to see me4 ,?\gh he und]/ood ,fr5* h>dly any bett] ?an ,i did ,italian1 he 0 v well satisfi$ ) ! conv]sation he _h ) me4 ,he appe>$ to h z mu* fav\r = me z he _h ( indiff]5ce be=e4 ,he conceiv$ z /rong a fri5d%ip = me z if ,i _h be5 8 si/]2 & 8 only pleasure1 amid 8 cont9ual occupations1 0 to come & pass half an h\r ) me 9 speak+ ( ,god4 ,he wrote to ! ,bi%op ( ,m>seilles to ?ank him = hav+ protect$ me 9 ! p]secutions !re4 ,he wrote to ! ,bi%op ( ,gr5oble2 & he omitt$ no?+ to manife/ 8 reg>d = me4 ,he n[ seem$ to ?9k alone ( f9d+ out means to deta9 me 9 8 diocese4 ,he w\ld n he> ( my go+ to see ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai4 ,on ! contr>y1 he wrote to h] to come & settle ) me 9 8 diocese4 ,he s5t ,fa!r ,la ,combe to h]1 on purpose to exhort h] to come2 assur+ h] t he w\ld unite u all to make a congregation4 ,! ,m>*ioness ent]$ into x readily1 & s did h] daught]4 ,!y w\ld h come ) ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 b ! ,m>*ioness 0 sick4 ,! bi%op 0 active & e>ne/ 9 collect+ & e/abli%+ a society ( u1 & f\nd sev]al pi\s p]sons & "s v dev\t "y ladies1 :o 7 all ready to come to jo9 u4 ,b x 0 n ! w ( ,god = fix me ?us1 b to crucify me yet m4 ,! fatigue ( travel+ made me sick4 ,! girl also :om ,i br\ght f ,gr5oble fell sick4 ,h] relations1 :o 7 covet\s took x 9 _! heads t1 if %e %\ld die 9 my s]vice1 ,i w\ld get h] to make a w 9 my favor4 ,!y 7 mu* mi/ak54 ,f> f desir+ ! prop]ty ( o!rs1 ,i _h giv5 up my own4 ,h] bro!r1 full ( ?is appreh5sion1 came ) all spe$2 ! fir/ ?+ he spoke to h] ab\t1 al?\gh he f\nd h] recov]$1 0 to make a w4 ,t made a great noise 9 ,v]ceil4 ,he want$ h] to return ) him1 b %e refus$4 ,i advis$ h] to d :at h] bro!r desir$4 ,he contract$ a fri5d%ip ) "s ( ! (fic]s ( ! g>rison1 to :om he told ridicul\s /ories1 z t ,i want$ to use 8 si/] badly4 ,he pret5d$ %e 0 a p]son ( quality4 ,!y gave out :at ,i 0 /ill afraid (1--t ,i 0 come aft] ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,!y ev5 p]secut$ him on my acc\nt4 ,! bi%op 0 mu* tr\bl$1 b c\ld n rem$y x4 ,! fri5d%ip he _h = me increas$ e day2 because1 z he lov$ ,god1 s he did all ^? :om he ?\ght desir$ to love ,god4 ,z he saw me s mu* indispos$1 he came to see me ) assiduity & *>ity1 :5 at leisure f 8 occupations4 ,he made me little pres5ts ( fruits & o!r ?+s4 ,8 relations 7 jeal\s4 ,!y said t ,i 0 come to ru9 him1 & to c>ry (f 8 money into ,france1 :i* 0 f>!/ f my ?\ghts4 ,! bi%op pati5tly bore ^! affronts1 hop+ /ill to keep me 9 8 diocese1 :5 ,i %\ld be recov]$4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 ! bi%op's preb5d & 8 confessor4 ,he e/eem$ him highly4 ,god made use ( him to conv]t sev]al ( ! (fic]s & soldi]s1 :o1 f be+ m5 ( sc&al\s lives1 became patt]ns ( piety4 ,9 t place ev]y?+ 0 mix$ ) crosses1 b s\ls 7 ga9$ to ,god4 ,!re 7 "s ( 8 fri>s1 :o1 aft] 8 example1 7 advanc+ t[>d p]fection4 ,?\gh ,i nei!r und]/ood _! language nor !y m9e1 ! ,"l made u und]/& ea* o!r 9 :at conc]n$ ,8 s]vice4 ,! ,rector ( ! ,jesuits took 8 "t1 :5 ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 gone out ( t[n1 to prove me1 z he said4 ,he _h /udi$ !ological matt]s1 :i* ,i did n und]/&4 ,he prop\nd$ sev]al que/ions4 ,! ,"l inspir$ me to answ] him 9 su* a mann]1 t he w5t away bo? surpris$ & satisfi$4 ,he c\ld n =be> speak+ ( x4 ,! ,b>nabites ( ,p>is1 or r ,fa!r de la ,mo! took x 9 head to try to draw ,fa!r ,la ,combe to g & prea* at ,p>is4 ,he wrote to ! ,fa!r-g5]al ab\t x1 because !y _h no "o at ,p>is to support _! h\se1 t _! *ur* 0 des]t$2 t x 0 a pity to leave su* a man z ,fa!r ,la ,combe 9 a place :]e he only corrupt$ 8 language4 ,x 0 necess>y to make 8 f9e tal5ts appe> at ,p>is1 :]e he himself c\ld n be> ! burd5 ( ! h\se1 if !y did n give him an assi/ant ( su* qualifications & exp]i5ce4 ,:o w\ld n h ?\ght all ?is to be s9c]e8 ,! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil1 :o 0 v mu* a fri5d ( ,fa!r-g5]al1 hav+ advice !re(1 oppos$ x1 & answ]$ t x w\ld be do+ him ! greate/ injury to take f him a man :o 0 s exce$+ly useful to him1 & at a "t :5 he _h ! greate/ ne$ ( him4 ,! ,fa!r-g5]al ( ! ,b>nabites w\ld n agree to ! reque/ ( ,fa!r de la ,mo!1 = fe> ( (f5d+ ! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil4 ,z to me1 my indisposition increas$4 ,! air1 :i* is !re extremely bad1 caus$ me a cont9ual c\gh1 ) frequ5t returns ( fev]4 ,i grew s mu* worse t x 0 ?\ght ,i c\ld n get ov] x4 ,! ,bi%op 0 afflict$ to see x1 b1 hav+ consult$ ! physicians1 !y assur$ him t ! air ( ! place 0 mortal to me1 :]eupon he said to me1 ,i _h r h y live1 ?\gh di/ant f me1 ?an see y die "h4 ,he gave up 8 design ( e/abli%+ 8 congregation1 = my fri5d w\ld n settle !re )\t me4 ,! ,g5oese lady c\ld n easily leave h] own city1 :]e %e 0 respect$4 ,! ,g5oese bes\ght h] to set up !re :at ! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil _h want$ h] to set up4 ,x 0 a congregation almo/ l t ( ,madame de ,miramion4 ,:5 ! ,bi%op _h fir/ propos$ ?is1 h[ev] agreeable x appe>$1 ,i _h a pres5tim5t t x w\ld n succe$1 & t x 0 n :at our ,"l requir$ ( me1 ?\gh ,i submissively yield$ to ! good proposal1 7 x only to ackn[l$ge ! _m special fav\rs ( ?is prelate4 ,i 0 assur$ t ! ,"l w\ld "k well h[ to prev5t :at ,he %\ld n[ require ( me4 ,z ?is good prelate saw he mu/ resign himself to let me g1 he said to me1 ,y 7 will+ to be 9 ! diocese ( ,g5eva1 & !re !y p]secut$ & reject$ y2 ,i1 :o w\ld gladly h y1 _c keep y4 ,he wrote to ,fa!r ,la ,mo! t ,i %\ld g 9 ! spr+1 z soon z ! wea!r w\ld p]mit4 ,he 0 sorry to be oblig$ to let me g4 ,yet he /ill hop$ to h kept ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :i* probably might h be51 _h n ! dea? ( ! ,fa!r-g5]al giv5 x ano!r turn4 ,"h x 0 t ,i wrote ^u ! ,apocalypse1 & t !re 0 giv5 me a great] c]ta9ty ( all ! p]secutions ( ! mo/ fai?ful s]vants ( ,god4 ,"h also ,i 0 /rongly mov$ to write to ,madame ,de ,*----4 ,i did x ) great simplicity2 & :at ,i wrote 0 l ! fir/ f\ndation ( :at ! ,"l requir$ ( h]1 hav+ be5 pleas$ to make use ( me to help to br+ h] into ,8 ways1 be+ "o to :om ,i am mu* unit$1 & by h] to o!rs4 ,! ,bi%op ( ,v]ceil's fri5d1 ! ,fa!r-g5]al ( ! ,b>nabites1 dep>t$ ?is life4 ,z soon z he 0 dead1 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! wrote to ! ,vic>-g5]al :o n[ held 8 place till ano!r %\ld be elect$ r5ew+ 8 reque/ to h ,fa!r ,la ,combe z an assi/ant4 ,! fa!r1 he>+ t ,i 0 oblig$ on acc\nt ( my indisposition to return into ,france1 s5t an ord] to ,fa!r ,la ,combe to return to ,p>is1 & to accompany me 9 my j\rney1 z 8 do+ t w\ld exempt _! h\se at ,p>is1 already poor1 f ! exp5ses ( s long a j\rney4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 :o did n p5etrate ! poison "u ?is fair outside1 cons5t$ !reto2 kn[+ x 0 my cu/om to h "s ecclesia/ic ) me 9 travel+4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe w5t (f twelve days be=e me1 9 ord] to transact "s bus9ess1 & to wait = me at ! passage ov] ! m\nta9s1 z ! place :]e ,i _h mo/ ne$ ( an escort4 ,i set (f 9 ,l5t1 ! wea!r !n be+ f9e4 ,x 0 a sorr[ful p>t+ to ! ,bi%op4 ,i piti$ him2 he 0 s mu* affect$ at los+ bo? ,fa!r ,la ,combe & me4 ,he caus$ me to be att5d$1 at 8 own exp5se1 z f> z ,tur91 giv+ me a g5tleman & "o ( 8 ecclesia/ics to accompany me4 ,z soon z ! resolution 0 tak5 t ,fa!r ,la ,combe %\ld accompany me1 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! report$ ev]y:]e t he _h be5 oblig$ to d x1 to make him return into ,france4 ,he expatiat$ on ! atta*m5t ,i _h = ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 pret5d+ to pity me4 ,^u ?is ev]yone said t ,i ought to put myself "u ! direction ( ,fa!r ,la ,mo!4 ,9 ! meantime he deceitfully palliat$ ! malignity ( 8 he>t1 writ+ lett]s full ( e/eem to ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 & "s to me ( t5d]ness1 desir+ him to br+ 8 de> si/]1 & to s]ve h] 9 h] infirmities1 & 9 ! h>d%ips ( s long a j\rney2 t he %\ld be s5sibly oblig$ to him = 8 c>e2 ) _m o!r ?+s ( ! l nature4 ,i c\ld n resolve to dep>t )\t go+ to see my good fri5d1 ! ,m>*ioness ( ,prunai1 not)/&+ ! difficulty ( ! roads4 ,i caus$ myself to be c>ri$1 x be+ sc>cely possible to g o!rwise on acc\nt ( ! m\nta9s4 ,%e 0 extremely joyful at see+ me arrive4 ,no?+ c\ld be m cordial ?an :at pass$ betwe5 u4 ,x 0 !n t %e ackn[l$g$ t all ,i _h told h] _h come to pass4 ,a good ecclesia/ic1 :o lives ) h]1 told me ! same4 ,we made o9tm5ts & pla/]s toge!r1 & ,i gave h] ! secret ( my rem$ies1 ,i enc\rag$ h]1 & s did ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 to e/abli% an hospital 9 t place2 :i* 0 done :ile we 7 !re4 ,i contribut$ my mite to x :i* has ev] be5 ble/ to all ! hospitals1 :i* h ev] be5 e/abli%$ 9 reliance on ,provid5ce4 ,i believe ,i _h =gott5 to tell1 t ! ,"l _h made use ( me to e/abli% "o ne> ,gr5oble1 :i* subsi/s )\t any o!r fund ?an ! supplies ( ,provid5ce4 ,my enemies made use ( t aft]w>d to sl&] me1 say+ t ,i _h wa/$ my *ildr5's sub/ance 9 e/abli%+ hospitals1 ?\gh1 f> f sp5d+ any ( _! sub/ance1 ,i _h ev5 giv5 !m my own4 ,all ^? hospitals h be5 e/abli%$ only on ! fund ( div9e ,provid5ce1 :i* is inexhau/ible4 ,b s x has be5 ord]$ = my good1 t all our ,"l has made me to d ,8 glory has ev] be5 turn$ into crosses = me4 ,z soon z x 0 det]m9$ t ,i %\ld come into ,france1 ! ,"l made kn[n to me1 t x 0 to h great] crosses ?an ,i ev] _h4 ,fa!r ,la ,combe _h ! l s5se4 ,he enc\rag$ me to resign myself to ! div9e w1 & to become a victim (f]$ freely to new sacrifices4 ,he also wrote to me1 ,w x n be a ?+ v glori\s to ,god1 if ,he %\ld make u s]ve 9 t great city1 = a spectacle to angels & to m58 ,i set (f !n ) a _s ( sacrifice1 to (f] myself up to new k9ds ( puni%m5ts1 if pleas+ to my de> ,"l4 ,all along ! road some?+ )9 me repeat$ ! v words ( ,/4 ,paul1 ,i g b\nd 9 ! ,_s unto ,j]usalem1 n kn[+ ! ?+s %\ld befall me !re1 save t ! ,holy ,gho/ witnesse?1 say+ t bonds & afflictions abide me4 ,b none ( ^! ?+s move me2 nei!r c\nt ,i my life de> unto myself1 s t ,i might f9i% my c\rse ) joy4 7,acts #bj3bb1 #bc1 #bd47 ,i c\ld n =be> to te/ify x to my mo/ intimate fri5ds1 :o tri$ h>d to prevail on me to /op1 & n to proce$4 ,!y 7 all will+ to contribute a %>e ( :at !y _h1 = my settlem5t !re1 & to prev5t my com+ to ,p>is4 ,b ,i f\nd x my duty to hold on my way1 & to sacrifice myself = ,him :o fir/ sacrific$ ,himself = me4 ,at ,*amb]ry we saw ,fa!r ,la ,mo!1 :o 0 go+ to ! election ( a ,fa!r-g5]al4 ,?\gh he affect$ an appe>ance ( fri5d%ip1 x 0 n difficult to discov] t 8 ?\ghts 7 diff]5t f 8 words1 & t he conceiv$ d>k designs aga9/ u4 ,i speak n ( 8 int5tions1 b to obey ! comm& giv5 me to omit no?+4 ,i %all necess>ily be oblig$ (t5 to speak ( him4 ,i c\ld wi% ) all my he>t x 7 9 my p[] to suppress :at ,i h to say ( him4 ,if :at he has done respect$ only myself1 ,i w\ld will+ly bury all2 b ,i ?9k ,i owe x to ! tru?1 & to ! innoc5ce ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 s cruelly oppress$1 & griev\sly cru%$ s long1 by wick$ calumnies1 by an imprisonm5t ( sev]al ye>s1 :i* 9 all probability w la/ z long z life4 ,?\gh ,fa!r ,la ,mo! may appe> heavily *>g$ 9 :at ,i say ( him1 ,i prote/ solemnly1 & 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god1 t ,i pass ov] 9 sil5ce _m ( 8 bad actions4 ,,*apt] #ai ,sc>cely _h ,i arriv$ at ,p>is1 :5 ,i readily discov]$ ! black designs ent]ta9$ aga9/ bo? ,fa!r ,la ,combe & me4 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! :o conduct$ ! :ole trag$y1 artfully dissembl$1 accord+ to 8 cu/om2 flatt]+ me to my face1 :ile he 0 aim+ ! ke5e/ w\nds beh9d my back4 ,he & 8 conf$]ates want$1 = _! own int]e/1 to p]suade me to g to ,mont>gis 7my native place71 hop+1 !reby1 to get ! gu>dian%ip ( my *ildr51 & to dispose ( bo? my p]son & effects4 ,all ! p]secutions f ,fa!r ,la ,mo! & my family h be5 att5d$ on _! "p ) views ( int]e/2 ^? aga9/ ,fa!r ,la ,combe h sprung f rage & rev5ge1 because he1 z my director1 did n oblige me to d :at !y want$2 z well z out ( jeal\sy4 ,i might ent] into a long detail on ?is1 suffici5t to conv9ce all ! _w2 b ,i suppress1 to avoid prolixity4 ,i %all only say1 t !y ?reat5$ to deprive me ( :at little ,i _h res]v$ to myself4 ,to ?is ,i only repli$ t ,i w\ld n g to law1 t if !y 7 resolv$ to take f me little ,i h left 7little inde$ 9 comp>ison ( :at ,i _h giv5 up7 ,i w\ld surr5d] x entirely to !m2 be+ q free & will+ n only to be poor1 b to be ev5 9 ! v extremity ( want 9 imitation ( our ,"l ,jesus ,*ri/4 ,i arriv$ at ,p>is on ,magdal5e's eve1 #afhf1 exactly five ye>s aft] my dep>ture f t city4 ,aft] ,fa!r ,la ,combe arriv$1 he 0 soon foll[$ & mu* applaud$4 ,i p]ceiv$ "s jeal\sly 9 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! h]eupon1 b did n ?9k t matt]s w\ld be c>ri$ s f> z !y h be54 ,! great] "p ( ! ,b>nabites ( ,p>is1 & its neighborhood1 jo9$ aga9/ ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 induc$ f sev]al causes t p>ticul>ly relat$ to _! ord]4 ,b all _! calumnies & evil attempts 7 ov]?r[n by ! unaffect$ piety he manife/$1 & ! good :i* multitudes reap$ f 8 labors4 ,i _h deposit$ a little sum ( money 9 8 h&s 7) ! cons5t ( 8 sup]ior7 to s]ve = ! entrance ( a nun4 ,i ?\ght myself oblig$ 9 consci5ce to d x4 ,%e _h1 ?r\gh my means1 quitt$ ! ,new ,ca?olics4 ,x 0 t "y woman :om ,i m5tion$ be=e1 :om ! prie/ ( ,gex want$ to w9 ov]4 ,z %e is beautiful1 ?\gh v prud5t1 !re always cont9ues a cause = fe>1 :5 su* an "o is expos$ 9 ! _w4 ,la ,mo! want$ to h t money1 & signifi$ to ,la ,combe t1 if he did n make me give x to him = a wall1 :i* he _h to rebuild 9 8 conv5t1 he w\ld make him suff] = x4 ,b ! latt]1 :o is always upright1 answ]$ t he c\ld n 9 consci5ce advise me to d any?+ else1 b :at ,i _h already resolv$1 9 fav\r ( t "y woman4 ,h5ce he & ! prov9cial ard5tly long$ to satisfy _! desire ( rev5ge4 ,!y employ$ all _! ?\ghts on ! means ( effect+ x4 ,a v wick$ man :o 0 employ$ = t purpose1 wrote defamatory libels1 decl>+ t ! propositions ( ,mol9os1 :i* _h be5 curr5t = two ye> pa/ 9 ,france1 7 ! s5tim5ts ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,^! libels 7 spread ab\t 9 ! community4 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! & ! prov9cial1 act+ z p]sons well affect$ to ! *ur*1 c>ri$ !m to ! (ficial1 or judge ( ! ecclesia/ical c\rt1 :o jo9$ 9 ! d>k design4 ,!y %[$ !m to ! ,ar*bi%op1 say+1 ,x 0 out ( _! zeal1 & t !y 7 exce$+ly sorry t "o ( _! frat]nity 0 an h]etic1 & z su* execrable4 ,!y also br\ght me 91 b m mod]ately1 say+ ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 almo/ always at my h\se1 :i* 0 false4 ,i c\ld sc>cely see him at all except at ! confessional1 & !n = a v %ort "t4 ,sev]al o!r ?+s equally false !y lib]ally gave out conc]n+ bo? ( u4 ,!y be?\ght !mselves ( "o ?+ fur!r likely to favor _! s*eme4 ,!y knew ,i _h be5 at ,m>seilles1 & ?\ght !y _h a good f\ndation = a fre% calumny4 ,!y c\nt]feit$ a lett] f a p]son at ,m>seilles 7,i he>d x 0 f ! ,bi%op7 address$ to ! ,ar*bi%op ( ,p>is1 or to 8 (ficial1 9 :i* !y wrote ! mo/ abom9able sc&al4 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! came to try to draw me into 8 sn>e1 & to make me say1 9 ! pres5ce ( ! p :om he _h br\ght1 t ,i _h be5 at ,m>seilles ) ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,!re are1 said he1 %ock+ acc\nts aga9/ y1 s5t by ! ,bi%op ( ,m>seilles4 ,y h !re fall5 into great sc&al ) ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,!re are good witnesses ( x4 ,i repli$ ) a smile1 ,! calumny is well devis$2 b x w\ld h be5 prop] to "k fir/ :e!r ,fa!r ,la ,combe _h be5 at ,m>seilles1 = ,i d n believe he 0 ev] !re 9 8 life4 ,:ile ,i 0 !re1 ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 labor+ at ,v]ceil4 ,he 0 conf\nd$ & w5t (f1 say+1 ,!re are witnesses ( its be+ true4 ,he w5t imm$iately to ask ,fa!r ,la ,combe if he _h n be5 at ,m>seilles4 ,he assur$ him he nev] _h be5 !re4 ,!y 7 /ruck ) disappo9tm5t4 ,!y !n gave out t x 0 n ,m>seilles b ,seisel4 ,n[ ?is ,seisel is a place ,i h nev] be5 at1 & !re is no bi%op !re4 ,e imag9able device 0 us$ to t]rify me by ?reats1 =g$ lett]s1 & by memorials drawn up aga9/ me1 accus+ me ( tea*+ errone\s doctr9es1 & ( liv+ a bad life & urg+ me to flee ! c\ntry to escape ! consequ5ces ( exposure4 ,fail+ 9 all ^!1 at l5g? ,la ,mo! took (f ! mask1 & said to me 9 ! *ur*1 be=e ,la ,combe1 ,x is n[1 my si/]1 t y mu/ ?9k ( flee+1 y are *>g$ ) crimes ( a deep dye4 ,i 0 n mov$ 9 ! lea/1 b repli$ ) my usual tranquillity1 ,if ,i am guilty ( su* crimes ,i _c be too sev]ely puni%$2 :]e=e ,i w n flee or g out ( ! way4 ,i h made an op5 pr(ession ( d$icat+ myself to ,god entirely4 ,if ,i h done ?+s (f5sive to ,him1 :om ,i w\ld wi% bo? to love1 & to cause to be lov$ by ! :ole _w1 ev5 at ! exp5se ( my life1 ,i ought by my puni%m5t to be made an example to ! _w2 b if ,i am innoc5t1 = me to flee is n ! way = my innoc5ce to be believ$4 ,simil> attempts 7 made to ru9 ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,he 0 grossly misrepres5t$ to ! k+1 & an ord] procur$ = 8 arre/ & imprisonm5t 9 ! ,ba/ile4 ,al?\gh on 8 trial he appe>$ q innoc5t1 & !y c\ld n f9d any?+ :]eupon to gr\nd a condemnation1 yet !y made ! k+ believe he 0 a dang]\s man 9 ! article ( religion4 ,he 0 !n %ut up 9 a c]ta9 =tress ( ! ,ba/ile = life2 b z 8 enemies he>d t ! capta9 9 t =tress e/eem$ him1 & treat$ him k9dly1 !y _h him remov$ into a mu* worse place4 ,god1 :o beholds ev]y?+1 w rew>d e man accord+ to 8 works4 ,i "k by an int]ior communication t he is v well cont5t1 & fully resign$ to ,god4 ,la ,mo! n[ endeavor$ m ?an ev] to induce me to flee1 assur+ me t1 if ,i w5t to ,mont>gis1 ,i %\ld be out ( all tr\ble2 b t if ,i did n1 ,i %\ld pay = x4 ,he insi/$ on my tak+ himself = my director1 to :i* ,i c\ld n agree4 ,he decri$ me :]ev] he w5t1 & wrote to 8 bre?r5 to d ! same4 ,!y s5t me v abusive lett]s1 assur+ me t1 if ,i did n put myself "u 8 direction1 ,i 0 undone4 ,i h ! lett]s by me /ill4 ,"o fa!r desir$ me 9 ?is case to make a virtue ( necessity4 ,nay1 "s advis$ me to pret5d to put myself "u 8 direction1 & to deceive him4 ,i abhorr$ ! ?\ght ( deceit4 ,i bore ev]y?+ ) ! greate/ tranquillity1 )\t tak+ any c>e to ju/ify or def5d myself1 leav+ x entirely to ,god to ord] z he %\ld please ab\t me4 ,h]e9 he 0 graci\sly pleas$ to increase ! peace ( my s\l1 :ile e "o seem$ to cry aga9/ me1 & to look on me z an infam\s creature1 except ^? few :o knew me well by a ne> union ( _s4 ,at *ur* ,i he>d p beh9d me exclaim aga9/ me1 & ev5 "s prie/s say x 0 necess>y to ca/ me out ( ! *ur*4 ,i left myself to ,god )\t res]ve1 be+ q ready to endure ! mo/ rigor\s pa9s & tortures1 if su* 7 ,8 w4 ,i nev] made any solicitation ei!r = ,fa!r ,la ,combe or myself1 ?\gh *>g$ ) t among o!r ?+s4 ,will+ to owe ev]y?+ to ,god1 ,i h no dep5d5ce on any creature4 ,i w\ld n h x said t any b ,god _h made ,abraham ri*4 ,g54 #ad3bc4 ,to lose all = ,him is my be/ ga92 & to ga9 all )\t ,him w\ld be my wor/ loss4 ,al?\gh at ?is "t s g5]al an outcry 0 rais$ aga9/ me1 ,god did n fail to make use ( me to ga9 _m s\ls to ,himself4 ,! m p]secution rag$ aga9/ me ! m *ildr5 7 giv5 me1 on :om ! ,"l conf]r$ great favors ?r\gh ,8 h&maid4 ,"o mu/ n judge ( ! s]vants ( ,god by :at _! enemies say ( !m1 nor by _! be+ oppress$ "u calumnies )\t any res\rce4 ,jesus ,*ri/ expir$ "u pangs4 ,god uses ! l conduct t[>d ,8 de>e/ s]vants1 to r5d] !m con=mable to ,8 ,son1 9 :om ,he is always well pleas$4 ,b few place t con=mity :]e x ought to be4 ,x is n 9 volunt>y pa9s or au/]ities1 b 9 ^? :i* are suff]$ 9 a submission ev] equal to ! w ( ,god1 9 a r5unciation ( our :ole selves1 to ! end t ,god may be our all 9 all1 conduct+ u accord+ to ,8 views1 & n our own1 :i* are g5]ally opposite to ,84 ,all p]fection consi/s 9 ?is entire con=mity ) ,jesus ,*ri/1 n 9 %9+ ?+s :i* m5 e/eem4 ,x w only be se5 9 et]nity :o are ! true fri5ds ( ,god4 ,no?+ pleases ,him b ,jesus ,*ri/1 & t :i* be>s ,8 m>k or "*4 ,!y 7 cont9ually press+ me to flee1 ?\gh ! ,ar*bi%op _h spok5 to myself1 & bidd5 me n to leave ,p>is4 ,b !y want$ to give ! appe>ance ( crim9ality bo? to me & to ,fa!r ,la ,combe by my flight4 ,!y knew n h[ to make me fall into ! h&s ( ! (ficial4 ,if !y accus$ me ( crimes1 x mu/ be be=e o!r judges4 ,any o!r judge w\ld h se5 my innoc5ce2 ! false witnesses w\ld h run ! risk ( suff]+ = x4 ,!y cont9ually spread /ories ( horrible crimes2 b ! (ficial assur$ me t he _h he>d no m5tion ( any4 ,he 0 afraid le/ ,i %\ld retire out ( 8 jurisdiction4 ,!y !n made ! k+ believe t ,i 0 an h]etic1 t ,i c>ri$ on a lit]>y correspond5ce ) ,mol9os 7,i1 :o nev] knew !re 0 a ,mol9os 9 ! _w1 till ! ,gazette _h told me ( x7 t ,i _h writt5 a dang]\s book2 & t on ^? acc\nts x w\ld be necess>y to issue an ord] to put me 9 a conv5t1 t !y might exam9e me4 ,i 0 a dang]\s p]son1 x w\ld be prop] = me to be lock$ up1 to be all[$ no comm]ce ) any "o2 s9ce ,i cont9ually held assemblies1 :i* 0 v false4 ,to support ?is calumny my h&writ+ 0 c\nt]feit$1 & a lett] 0 =g$ z f me1 import+1 t ,i _h great designs1 b fe>$ t !y w\ld prove abortive1 ?r\gh ! imprisonm5t ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 = :i* reason ,i _h left (f hold+ assemblies at my h\se1 be+ too closely wat*$2 b t ,i w\ld hold !m at ! h\ses ( o!r p]sons4 ,?is =g$ lett] !y %[$ ! k+1 & ^u x an ord] 0 giv5 = my imprisonm5t4 ,?is ord] w\ld h be5 put 9 execution two mon?s soon] ?an x 01 _h ,i n fall5 v sick4 ,i _h inconceivable pa9s & a fev]4 ,"s ?\ght t ,i _h a ga!r+ 9 my head4 ,! pa9 ,i suff]$ = five weeks made me deliri\s4 ,i _h also a pa9 9 my brea/ & a viol5t c\gh4 ,twice ,i receiv$ ! holy sacram5t1 z ,i 0 ?\ght to be expir+4 ,"o ( my fri5ds _h acqua9t$ ,fa!r ,la ,mo!1 7n kn[+ him to h _h any h& 9 ,f4 ,la ,combe's imprisonm5t7 t %e _h s5t me a c]tificate f ! inquisition 9 ,fa!r ,la ,combe's favor1 hav+ he>d t 8 own 0 lo/4 ,?is answ]$ a v good purpose2 = !y _h made ! k+ believe t he _h run away f ! inquisition2 b ?is %[$ ! contr>y4 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! !n came to me1 :5 ,i 0 9 excessive pa91 c\nt]feit+ all ! affection & t5d]ness 9 8 p[]1 & tell+ me t ! affair ( ,fa!r ,la ,combe 0 go+ on v well1 t he 0 j ready to come out ( prison ) honor1 t he 0 v glad ( x4 ,if he _h only ?is c]tificate1 he w\ld soon be deliv]$4 ,give me x !n1 said he1 & he w be imm$iately releas$4 ,at fir/ ,i made a difficulty ( do+ x4 ,:at6 said he1 w y be ! cause ( ru9+ poor ,fa!r ,la ,combe1 hav+ x 9 y\r p[] to save him1 & cause u t affliction1 = want ( :at y h 9 y\r h&s4 ,i yield$1 ord]+ x to be br\ght & giv5 him4 ,b he suppress$ x1 & gave out t x 0 lo/4 ,x nev] c\ld be got f him aga94 ,! ,ambassador f ! ,c\rt ( ,tur9 s5t a mess5g] to me = ?is c]tificate1 design+ ! prop] use ( x to s]ve ,fa!r ,la ,combe4 ,i ref]r$ him to ,fa!r ,la ,mo!4 ,! mess5g] w5t to him & ask$ him = x4 ,he d5i$ ,i _h giv5 x to him1 say+1 ,h] bra9 is disord]$ :i* makes h] imag9e x4 ,! man came back to me & told me 8 answ]4 ,! p]sons 9 my *amb] bore witness t ,i _h giv5 x to him4 ,yet all signifi$ no?+2 x c\ld n be got out ( 8 h&s2 b on ! contr>y1 he insult$ me1 & caus$ o!rs also to d x1 ?\gh ,i 0 s weak t ,i seem$ to be at ! v gates ( dea?4 ,!y told me !y only wait$ = my recov]y to ca/ me into prison4 ,he made 8 bre?r5 believe t ,i _h treat$ him ill4 ,!y wrote to me t x 0 = my crimes t ,i suff]$ & t ,i %\ld put myself "u ! control ( ,fa!r ,la ,mo!1 o!rwise ,i %\ld rep5t x2 t ,i 0 mad & ought to be b\nd2 & 0 a mon/] ( pride1 s9ce ,i w\ld n suff] myself to be conduct$ by ,fa!r ,la ,mo!4 ,su* 0 my daily fea/ 9 ! extremity ( my pa92 des]t$ ( my fri5ds1 & oppress$ by my enemies2 ! =m] be+ a%am$ ( me1 ?r\gh ! calumnies :i* 7 =g$ & indu/ri\sly spread2 ! latt] let loose to p]secute me2 "u all :i* ,i kept sil5ce1 leav+ myself to ! ,"l4 ,!re 0 n any k9d ( infamy1 error1 sorc]y1 or sacrilege1 ( :i* !y did n accuse me4 ,z soon z ,i 0 able to be c>ri$ to ! *ur* 9 a *air1 ,i 0 told ,i mu/ speak to ! preb5d4 7,x 0 a sn>e conc]t$ betwe5 ,fa!r ,la ,mo! & ! ,canon at ^: h\se ,i lodg$74 ,i spoke to him ) mu* simplicity & he approv$ ( :at ,i said4 ,yet1 two days aft] !y gave out t ,i _h utt]$ _m ?+s1 & accus$ _m p]sons2 & f h5ce !y procur$ ! bani%m5t ( sundry p]sons ) :om !y 7 displeas$1 p]sons :om ,i _h nev] se5 or ( :om ,i nev] he>d4 ,!y 7 m5 ( honor4 ,"o ( !m 0 bani%$1 because he said my little book is a good "o4 ,x is rem>kable t !y say no?+ to ^? :o prefix$ _! approbations1 & t1 f> f condemn+ ! book1 x has be5 repr9t$ s9ce ,i h be5 9 prison1 & adv]tisem5ts ( x h be5 po/$ up at ! ,ar*bi%op's palace1 & all ov] ,p>is4 ,9 reg>d to o!rs1 :5 !y f9d faults 9 _! books1 !y condemn ! books & leave ! p]son at lib]ty2 b z = me1 my book is approv$1 sold & spread1 :ile ,i am kept a prison] = x4 ,! same day t ^? g5tlem5 7 bani%$1 ,i receiv$ a lett] de ca*et1 or seal$ ord] to repair to ! ,conv5t ( ! ,visitation ( ,/4 ,m>y's1 9 a suburb ( ,/4 ,anto9e4 ,i receiv$ x ) a tranquillity :i* surpris$ ! be>] exce$+ly4 ,he c\ld n =be> express+ x1 hav+ se5 ! extreme sorr[ ( ^? :o 7 only bani%$4 ,he 0 s t\*$ ) x z to %$ te>s4 ,& al?\gh 8 ord] 0 to c>ry me (f directly1 he 0 n afraid to tru/ me1 b left me all ! day1 desir+ me to repair to ,/4 ,m>y's 9 ! ev5+4 ,on t day _m ( my fri5ds came to see me1 & f\nd me v *e]ful1 :i* surpris$ su* ( !m z knew my case4 ,i c\ld n /&1 ,i 0 s weak1 hav+ ! fev] e night1 x be+ only a =tnight s9ce ,i 0 ?\ght to be expir+4 ,i imag9$ !y w\ld leave me my daught] & maid to s]ve me4 ,,*apt] #bj ,on ,janu>y #bi1 #afhh1 ,i w5t to ,/4 ,m>y's4 ,!re !y let me "k ,i mu/ nei!r h my daught] nor a maid to s]ve me1 b mu/ be lock$ up alone 9 a *amb]4 ,inde$ x t\*$ me to my he>t :5 my daught] 0 tak5 f me4 ,!y w\ld nei!r all[ h] to be 9 t h\se1 nor anybody to br+ me any news ( h]4 ,i 0 !n oblig$ to sacrifice my daught]1 z if %e 7 m9e no long]4 ,! p ( ! h\se 7 prepossess$ ) s frightful an acc\nt ( me1 t !y look$ at me ) horror4 ,= my jail] !y s+l$ out a nun1 :o1 !y ?\ght1 w\ld treat me ) ! greate/ rigor1 & !y 7 n mi/ak5 !re94 ,!y ask$ me :o 0 n[ my confessor4 ,i nam$ him2 b he 0 seiz$ ) su* a fright t he d5i$ x2 ?\gh ,i c\ld h produc$ _m p]sons :o _h se5 me at 8 confessional4 ,s !n !y said !y _h caught me 9 a lie2 ,i 0 n to be tru/$4 ,my acqua9tance !n said !y knew me n1 & o!rs 7 at lib]ty to inv5t /ories1 & say all mann] ( evil ( me4 ,! woman1 appo9t$ = my keep]1 0 ga9$ ov] by my enemies1 to torm5t me z an h]etic1 an en?usia/1 "o crackbra9$ & an hypocrite4 ,god alone kn[s :at %e made me suff]4 ,z %e s\ght to surprise me 9 my words1 ,i wat*$ !m1 to be m exact 9 !m2 b ,i f>$ ! worse = x4 ,i made m slips & gave h] m advantages ov] me !reby1 beside ! tr\ble 9 my own m9d = x4 ,i !n left myself z ,i 01 & resolv$1 ?\gh ?is woman w\ld br+ me to ! scaffold1 by ! false reports %e 0 cont9ually c>ry+ to ! prioress1 t ,i w\ld simply resign myself to my lot2 s ,i re-ent]$ into my =m] condition4 ,monsieur ,*>on ! ,(ficial1 & a ,doctor ( ,sorbonne1 came f\r times to exam9e me4 ,our ,"l did me ! favor :i* ,he promis$ to ,8 apo/les1 to make me answ] mu* bett] ?an if ,i _h /udi$4 ,luke #ba3ad1 #ae4 ,!y said to me1 if ,i _h expla9$ myself1 z ,i n[ did1 9 ! book entitl$1 ,%ort & ,easy ,me?od ( ,pray]1 ,i w\ld n n[ h be5 "h4 ,my la/ exam9ation 0 ab\t a c\nt]feit lett]1 :i* !y read & let me see4 ,i told !m ! h& 0 no way l m9e4 ,!y said x 0 only a copy2 !y _h ! orig9al at home4 ,i desir$ a sight ( x1 b c\ld n obta9 x4 ,i told !m ,i nev] wrote x1 nor did ,i "k ! p]son to :om x 0 address$2 b !y took sc>cely any notice ( :at ,i said4 ,aft] ?is lett] 0 read1 ! (ficial turn$ to me & said1 ,y see1 madam1 t aft] su* a lett] !re 0 f\ndation en\gh = imprison+ y4 ,yes1 sir1 said ,i1 if ,i _h writt5 x4 ,i %[$ !m its falsehoods & inconsi/5cies1 b all 9 va94 ,i 0 left two mon?s1 & treat$ worse & worse1 be=e ei!r ( !m came aga9 to see me4 ,till !n ,i _h always "s hope t1 see+ my innoc5ce1 !y w\ld d me ju/ice2 b n[ ,i saw t !y did n want to f9d me innoc5t1 b to make me appe> guilty4 ,! (ficial alone came ! next "t1 & told me1 ,i mu/ speak no m ( ! false lett]2 t x 0 no?+4 ,h[ no?+1 said ,i1 to c\nt]feit a p]son's writ+1 & to make "o appe> an enemy to ! ,/ate6 ,he repli$1 ,we w seek out ! au?or ( x4 ,! au?or1 said ,i1 is no o!r ?an ! ,scriv5] ,gauti]4 ,he !n dem&$ :]e ! pap]s 7 :i* ,i wrote on ! ,scriptures4 ,i told him1 ,i w\ld give !m up :5 ,i %\ld be out ( prison2 b 0 n will+ to tell ) :om ,i _h lodg$ !m4 ,ab\t ?ree or f\r days be=e ,ea/] he came aga91 ) ! doctor1 & a v]bal process 0 drawn up aga9/ me = rebell+1 9 n giv+ up pap]s4 ,copies ( my writ+s 7 !n put into _! h&s2 = ,i _h n ! orig9als4 ,i "k n :]e ^? :o got !m f me h put !m2 b ,i am firm 9 ! fai? t !y w all be pres]v$1 9 spite ( ! /orm4 ,! prioress ask$ ! (ficial h[ my affair w5t4 ,he said1 v well1 & t ,i %\ld soon be dis*>g$2 ?is became ! common talk2 b ,i _h a pres5tim5t ( ! contr>y4 ,i _h an inexpressible satisfaction & joy 9 suff]+1 & be+ a prison]4 ,! conf9em5t ( my body made me bett] reli% ! fre$om ( my m9d4 ,/4 ,joseph's day 0 to me a memorable day2 = !n my /ate _h m ( ,heav5 ?an ( e>? beyond :at any expression c rea*4 ,?is 0 foll[$1 z x 71 ) a susp5sion ( e favor !n enjoy$1 a disp5sation ( new suff]+s4 ,i 0 oblig$ to sacrifice myself anew1 & to dr9k ! v dregs ( ! bitt] draught4 ,i nev] _h any res5tm5t aga9/ my p]secutors1 ?\gh ,i well knew !m1 _! _s & _! actions4 ,jesus ,*ri/ & ! sa9ts saw _! p]secutors1 & at ! same "t saw t !y c\ld h no p[] except x 7 giv5 !m f above4 ,john #ai3aa4 ,lov+ ! /rokes :i* ,god gives1 "o _c hate ! h& :i* ,he makes use ( to /rike )4 ,a few days aft]1 ! (ficial came1 & told me he gave me ! lib]ty ( ! cloi/]1 t is1 to g & come 9 ! h\se4 ,!y 7 n[ v indu/ri\s 9 urg+ my daught] to cons5t to a m>riage1 :i* _h x tak5 place1 w\ld h be5 h] ru94 ,to succe$ h]e91 !y _h plac$ h] ) a relation ( ! g5tleman :om !y want$ h] to m>ry4 ,all my confid5ce 0 9 ,god1 t ,he w\ld n p]mit x to be accompli%$1 z ! man _h no t9cture ( ,*ri/ianity1 be+ ab&on$ bo? 9 8 pr9ciples & morals4 ,to induce me to give up my daught] !y promis$ me an imm$iate release f prison & f e *>ge "u :i* ,i labor$4 ,b if ,i refus$1 !y ?reat5$ me ) imprisonm5t = life & ) dea? on ! scaffold4 ,9 spite ( all _! promises & ?reat5+s1 ,i p]si/5tly refus$4 ,soon aft]1 ! (ficial & doctor came to tell ! prioress ,i mu/ be closely lock$ up4 ,%e repres5t$ to !m t ! *amb] ,i 0 91 0 small1 hav+ an op5+ to ! light or air1 only on "o side1 ?r\gh :i* ! sun %one all ! day long1 & be+ ! mon? ( ,july1 x mu/ soon cause my dea?4 ,!y paid no reg>d4 ,%e ask$ :y ,i mu/ be ?us closely lock$ up4 ,!y said ,i _h committ$ horrible ?+s 9 h] h\se1 ev5 )9 ! la/ mon?1 & _h sc&aliz$ ! nuns4 ,%e prote/$ ! contr>y1 & assur$ !m ! :ole community _h receiv$ great edification f me1 & c\ld n b admire my pati5ce & mod]ation4 ,b x 0 all 9 va94 ,! poor woman c\ld n refra9 f te>s1 at a /atem5t s remote f ! tru?4 ,!y !n s5t = me1 & told me ,i _h done base ?+s 9 ! la/ mon?4 ,i ask$ :at ?+s8 ,!y w\ld n tell me4 ,i said !n t ,i w\ld suff] z long & z mu* z x %\ld please ,god2 t ?is affair 0 begun on =g]ies aga9/ me1 & s cont9u$4 ,t ,god 0 witness ( ev]y?+4 ,! doctor told me1 t to take ,god = a witness 9 su* a ?+ 0 a crime4 ,i repli$ no?+ 9 ! _w c\ld h9d] me f hav+ rec\rse to ,god4 ,i 0 !n %ut up m closely ?an at fir/1 until ,i 0 absolutely at ! po9t ( dea?1 be+ ?r[n into a viol5t fev]1 & almo/ /ifl$ ) ! clos5ess ( ! place1 & n p]mitt$ to h any assi/ance4 ,9 ! "t ( ! anci5t law1 !re 7 sev]al ( ! ,"l's m>tyrs :o suff]$ = ass]t+ & tru/+ 9 ! "o true ,god4 ,9 ! primitive *ur* ( ,*ri/ ! m>tyrs %$ _! blood1 = ma9ta9+ ! tru? ( ,jesus ,*ri/ crucifi$4 ,n[ !re are m>tyrs ( ! ,holy ,gho/1 :o suff] = _! dep5d5ce on ,him1 = ma9ta9+ ,8 reign 9 s\ls & = be+ victims ( ! ,div9e w4 ,x is ?is ,_s :i* is to be p\r$ out on all fle%1 z sai? ! prophet ,joel4 ,! m>tyrs ( ,jesus ,*ri/ h be5 glori\s m>tyrs1 ,he hav+ drunk up ! confusion ( t m>tyrdom2 b ! m>tyrs ( ! ,holy ,_s are m>tyrs ( reproa* & ignom9y4 ,! ,devil no m ex]cises 8 p[] aga9/ _! fai? or belief1 b directly attacks ! dom9ion ( ! ,holy ,_s1 oppos+ ,8 cele/ial motion 9 s\ls1 & dis*>g+ 8 hatr$ on ! bodies ( ^? ^: m9ds he _c hurt4 ,oh1 ,holy ,_s1 a ,_s ( love1 let me ev] be subject$ to ,?y w1 &1 z a leaf is mov$ be=e ! w9d1 s let me be mov$ by ,?y ,div9e brea?4 ,z ! impetu\s w9d breaks all t resi/s x1 s break ?\ all t opposes ,?y empire4 ,al?\gh ,i h be5 oblig$ to describe ! proc$ure ( ^? :o p]secute me1 ,i h n done x out ( res5tm5t1 s9ce ,i love !m at my he>t1 & pray = !m1 leav+ to ,god ! c>e ( def5d+ me1 & deliv]+ me out ( _! h&s1 )\t mak+ any movem5t ( my own = x4 ,i h appreh5d$ & believ$ t ,god w\ld h me write ev]y?+ s9c]ely1 t ,8 "n may be glorifi$2 t ! ?+s done 9 secret aga9/ ,8 s]vants %\ld "o day be publi%$ on ! h\setops2 = ! m !y /rive to conceal !m f ! eyes ( m51 ! m w ,god 9 ,8 own "t make !m all manife/4 ,augu/ #bb1 #afhh1 x 0 ?\ght ,i 0 ab\t com+ out ( prison1 & ev]y?+ seem$ to t5d t[>d x4 ,b ! ,"l gave me a s5se t1 f> f be+ will+ to deliv] me !y 7 only lay+ new sn>es to ru9 me m effectually1 & to make ,fa!r ,la ,mo! kn[n to ! k+1 & e/eem$ by him4 ,on ! day m5tion$1 :i* 0 my bir?day1 be+ =ty ye>s ( age1 ,i awak$ "u an impression ( ,jesus ,*ri/ 9 an agony1 see+ ! c\nsel ( ! ,jews aga9/ ,him4 ,i knew t none b ,god c\ld deliv] me out ( prison1 & ,i 0 satisfi$ t ,he w\ld d x "o day by ,8 own "r h&1 ?\gh ignorant ( ! mann]1 & leav+ x :olly to ,himself4 ,9 ! ord] ( ,div9e ,provid5ce my case 0 laid be=e ,madame de ,ma9t5on1 :o became deeply int]e/$ 9 ! acc\nt giv5 h] ( my suff]+s1 & at l5g? procur$ my release4 ,a few days aft]w>d ,i _h my fir/ int]view ) ! ,abbe ,f5elon4 ,com+ out ( ,/4 ,m>y's ,i retir$ into ! community ( ,mad4 ,miramion1 :]e ,i kept my b$ ( a fev] ?ree mon?s1 & _h an impo/hume 9 my eye4 ,yet at ?is "t ,i 0 accus$ ( go+ cont9ually out1 hold+ suspect$ assemblies1 toge!r ) o!r gr\ndless falsehoods4 ,9 ?is h\se my daught] 0 m>ri$ to ,mons4 ,l4 ,ni*olas ,f\quet1 ,c\nt de ,vaux4 ,i remov$ to my daught]'s h\se1 & on acc\nt ( h] extreme y\?1 liv$ ) h] two ye>s & an half4 ,ev5 !re my enemies 7 ev] =g+ "o ?+ aft] ano!r aga9/ me1 ,i !n want$ to retire q secretly1 to ! h\se ( ! ,b5$ict9es at ,mont>gis1 7my native place7 b x 0 discov]$1 & bo? fri5ds & enemies jo9tly prev5t$ x4 ,! family 9 :i* my daught] 0 m>ri$ be+ ( ! numb] ( ,abbe ,f5elon's fri5ds1 ,i _h ! opportunity ( (t5 see+ him at our h\se4 ,we _h "s conv]sations on ! subject ( a spiritual life1 9 :i* he made sev]al objections to my exp]i5ces !re94 ,i answ]$ !m ) my usual simplicity1 :i*1 z ,i f\nd1 ga9$ ^u him4 ,z ! affair ( ,mol9os at t "t made a great noise1 ! pla9e/ ?+s 7 di/ru/$1 & ! t]ms us$ by my/ic writ]s explod$4 ,b ,i s cle>ly exp\nd$ ev]y?+ to him1 & s fully solv$ all 8 objections1 t no "o m fully imbib$ my s5tim5ts ?an he2 :i* has s9ce laid ! f\ndation ( t p]secution he has suff]$4 ,8 answ]s to ! ,bi%op ( ,meaux evid5tly %[ ?is to all :o h read !m4 ,i n[ took a little private h\se1 to foll[ ! incl9ation ,i _h = retirem5t2 :]e ,i sometimes _h ! pleasure ( see+ my family & a few p>ticul> fri5ds4 ,c]ta9 "y ladies ( ,/4 ,cyr1 hav+ in=m$ ,mad4 ,ma9t5on1 t !y f\nd 9 my conv]sation some?+ :i* attract$ !m to ,god1 %e enc\rag$ me to cont9ue my in/ructions to !m4 ,by ! f9e *ange 9 "s ( !m ) :om be=e %e _h n be5 well pleas$1 %e f\nd %e _h no reason to rep5t ( x4 ,%e !n treat$ me ) mu* respect2 & = ?ree ye>s aft]1 :ile ?is la/$1 ,i receiv$ f h] e m>k ( e/eem & confid5ce4 ,b t v ?+ aft]w>d drew on me ! mo/ sev]e p]secution4 ,! free entrance ,i _h into ! h\se1 & ! confid5ce :i* "s "y ladies ( ! ,c\rt1 di/+ui%$ = _! rank & piety1 plac$ 9 me1 gave no small uneas9es to ! p :o _h p]secut$ me4 ,! directors took umbrage at x1 & "u pretext ( ! tr\bles ,i _h "s ye>s be=e1 !y engag$ ! ,bi%op ( ,*>tres1 ,sup]ior ( ,/4 ,cyr1 to pres5t to ,mad4 ,ma9t5on t1 by my p>ticul> conduct1 ,i tr\bl$ ! ord] ( ! h\se2 t ! "y wom5 9 x 7 s atta*$ to me1 & to :at ,i said to !m1 t !y no long] he>k5$ to _! sup]iors4 ,i !n w5t no m to ,/4 ,cyr4 ,i answ]$ ! "y ladies :o wrote to me1 only by lett]s unseal$1 :i* pass$ ?r\gh ! h&s ( ,mad4 ,ma9t5on4 ,soon aft] ,i fell sick4 ,! physicians1 aft] try+ 9 va9 ! usual me?od ( cure1 ord]$ me to repair to ! wat]s ( ,b\rbon4 ,my s]vant _h be5 induc$ to give me "s poison4 ,aft] tak+ x1 ,i suff]$ su* exquisite pa9s t1 )\t spe$y succor1 ,i %\ld h di$ 9 a few h\rs4 ,! man imm$iately ran away1 & ,i h nev] se5 him s9ce4 ,:5 ,i 0 at ,b\rbon1 ! wat]s :i* ,i ?rew up burn$ l spirits ( w9e4 ,i _h no ?\ght ( be+ poison$1 till ! physicians ( ,b\rbon assur$ me ( x4 ,! wat]s _h b little effect4 ,i suff]$ f x = above sev5 ye>s4 ,god kept me 9 su* a disposition ( sacrifice1 t ,i 0 q resign$ to suff] ev]y?+1 & to receive f ,8 h& all t might befall me1 s9ce = me to (f] 9 any way to v9dicate myself1 w\ld be only beat+ ! air4 ,:5 ! ,"l is will+ to make any "o suff]1 ,he p]mits ev5 ! mo/ virtu\s p to be readily bl9d$ t[>d !m2 & ,i may confess t ! p]secution ( ! wick$ is b little1 :5 comp>$ ) t ( ! s]vants ( ! *ur*1 deceiv$ & animat$ ) a zeal :i* !y ?9k "r4 ,_m ( ^! 7 n[1 by ! artifices made use (1 greatly impos$ on 9 reg>d to me4 ,i 0 repres5t$ to !m 9 an odi\s light1 z a /range creature4 ,s9ce1 !re=e1 ,i mu/1 ,o my ,"l1 be con=mable to ,!e1 to please ,!e2 ,i set m value on my humiliation1 & on see+ myself condemn$ ( ev]ybody1 ?an if ,i saw myself on ! summit ( honor 9 ! _w4 ,h[ (t5 h ,i said1 ev5 9 ! bitt]ness ( my he>t1 t ,i %\ld be m afraid ( "o reproa* ( my consci5ce1 ?an ( ! outcry & condemnation ( all m56 ,,*apt] #ba ,at ?is "t ,i _h my fir/ acqua9tance ) ! ,bi%op ( ,meaux4 ,i 0 introduc$ by an intimate fri5d1 ! ,duke ( ,*evreuse4 ,i gave him ! =ego+ hi/ory ( my life1 & he confess$1 t he _h f\nd !re9 su* an unction z he _h r>ely done 9 o!r books1 & t he _h sp5t ?ree days 9 read+ x1 ) an impression ( ! pres5ce ( ,god on 8 m9d all t "t4 ,i propos$ to ! bi%op to exam9e all my writ+s1 :i* he took f\r or five mon?s to d1 & !n advanc$ all 8 objections2 to :i* ,i gave answ]s4 ,f 8 unacqua9tance ) ! int]ior pa?s1 ,i c\ld n cle> up all ! difficulties :i* he f\nd 9 !m4 ,he admitt$ t look+ into ! ecclesia/ical hi/ories = ages pa/1 we may see t ,god has sometimes made use ( laym51 & ( wom5 to in/ruct1 edify1 & help s\ls 9 _! progress to p]fection4 ,i ?9k "o ( ! reasons ( ,god's act+ ?us1 is t glory may n be ascrib$ to any1 b to ,himself alone4 ,= ?is purpose1 ,he has *os5 ! weak ?+s ( ?is _w1 to conf\nd su* z are mighty4 #a ,cor4 #a3bg4 ,jeal\s ( ! attributes :i* m5 pay to o!r m51 :i* are due only to ,himself1 ,he has made a p>adox ( su* p]sons1 t ,he alone may h ! glory ( ,8 own works4 ,i pray ,god1 ) my :ole he>t1 soon] to cru% me utt]ly1 ) ! mo/ dreadful de/ruction1 ?an to suff] me to take ! lea/ honor to myself1 ( any?+ :i* ,he has be5 pleas$ to d by me = ! good ( o!rs4 ,i am only a poor no?+4 ,god is all-p[]ful4 ,he delights to op]ate1 & ex]cise ,8 p[] by m]e no?+s4 ,! fir/ "t t ,i wrote a hi/ory ( myself1 x 0 v %ort4 ,9 x ,i _h p>ticul>iz$ my faults & s9s1 & said little ( ! favors ( ,god4 ,i 0 ord]$ to burn x1 to write ano!r1 & 9 x to omit no?+ anyway rem>kable t _h befall5 me4 ,i did x4 ,x is a crime to publi% secrets ( ! ,k+2 b x is a good ?+ to decl>e ! favors ( ! ,"l our ,god1 & to magnify ,8 m]cies4 ,z ! outcry aga9/ me became m viol5t1 & ,madame ,ma9t5on 0 mov$ to decl>e aga9/ me1 ,i s5t to h] ?r\gh ! ,duke ( ,beauvilli]s1 reque/+ ! appo9tm5t ( prop] p]sons to exam9e my life & doctr9es1 (f]+ to retire into any prison until fully exculpat$4 ,my proposal 0 reject$4 ,9 ! meantime1 "o ( my mo/ intimate fri5ds & support]s1 ,mons4 ,f\quet1 0 call$ away by dea?4 ,i felt 8 loss v deeply1 b rejoic$ 9 8 felicity4 ,he 0 a true s]vant ( ,god4 ,det]m9$ to retire out ( ! way ( giv+ (f5se to any1 ,i wrote to "s ( my fri5ds1 & bade !m a la/ f>ewell2 n kn[+ :e!r ,i 7 to be c>ri$ (f by ! indisposition :i* ,i !n _h1 :i* _h be5 a con/ant fev] = =ty days pa/1 or to recov] f x4 ,ref]r+ to ! ,c\ntess ( ,g4 & ! ,du*ess ( ,m41 ,i wrote1 ,:5 ^! ladies & o!rs 7 9 ! vanities ( ! _w1 :5 !y pat*$ & pa9t$1 & "s ( !m 7 9 ! way to ru9 _! families by gam+ & pr(usion ( exp5se 9 dress1 nobody arose to say any?+ aga9/ x2 !y 7 quietly suff]$ to d x4 ,b :5 !y h brok5 (f f all ?is1 !n !y cry out aga9/ me1 z if ,i _h ru9$ !m4 ,_h ,i drawn !m f piety into luxury1 !y w\ld n make su* an outcry4 ,! ,du*ess ( ,m4 at h] giv+ h]self up to ,god1 ?\ght h]self oblig$ to quit ! c\rt1 :i* 0 to h] l a dang]\s rock1 9 ord] to be/[ h] "t on ! education ( h] *ildr5 & ! c>e ( h] family1 :i*1 till !n1 %e _h neglect$4 ,i besee* y1 !re=e1 to ga!r all ! memorials y c aga9/ me2 if ,i am f\nd guilty ( ! ?+s !y accuse me (1 ,i ought to be puni%$ m ?an any o!r1 s9ce ,god has br\ght me to "k ,him & love ,him1 & ,i am well assur$ t !re is no communion betwe5 ,*ri/ & ,belial4 ,i s5t !m my two little pr9t$ books1 ) my comm5t>ies on ! ,holy ,scriptures4 ,i also1 by _! ord]1 wrote a "w to facilitate _! exam9ation1 & to sp>e !m z mu* "t & tr\ble z ,i c\ld1 :i* 0 to collect a great numb] ( passages out ( approv$ writ]s1 :i* %[$ ! con=mity ( my writ+s ) ^? us$ by ! holy p5m54 ,i caus$ !m to be transcrib$ by ! quire1 z ,i _h writt5 !m1 9 ord] to s5d !m to ! ?ree commission]s4 ,i also1 z occasion pres5t$1 cle>$ up ! dubi\s & obscure places4 ,i _h writt5 !m at a "t :5 ! affairs ( ,mol9os _h n brok5 out1 ,i us$ ! less precaution 9 express+ my ?\ghts1 n imag9+ t !y w\ld ev] be turn$ into an evil s5se4 ,?is "w 0 entitl$1 ',,! ,,ju/ifications4' ,x 0 compos$ 9 fifty days1 & appe>$ to be v suffici5t to cle> up ! matt]4 ,b ! ,bi%op ( ,meaux w\ld nev] suff] x to be read4 ,aft] all ! exam9ations1 & mak+ no?+ out aga9/ me1 :o w\ld n h ?\ght b !y w\ld h left me to re/ 9 peace8 ,q o!rwise1 ! m my innoc5ce appe>$1 ! m did !y1 :o _h und]tak5 to r5d] me crim9al1 put e spr+ 9 motion to effect x4 ,i (f]$ ! ,bi%op ( ,meaux to g to sp5d "s "t 9 any community )9 8 diocese1 t he might be bett] acqua9t$ ) me4 ,he propos$ to me t ( ,/4 ,m>y de ,meaux1 :i* ,i accept$2 b 9 go+ 9 ! dep? ( w9t] ,i _h l to h p]i%$ 9 ! sn[1 be+ /opp$ f\r h\rs1 ! coa* hav+ ent]$ into x1 & be+ almo/ buri$ 9 x1 9 a deep holl[4 ,i 0 tak5 out at ! door ) "o maid4 ,we sat ^u ! sn[1 resign$ to ! m]cy ( ,god1 & expect$ no?+ b dea?4 ,i nev] _h m tranquillity ( m9d1 ?\gh *ill$ & soak$ ) ! sn[1 :i* melt$ on u4 ,occasions l ^! are su* z %[ :e!r we are p]fectly resign$ to ,god or n4 ,?is poor girl & ,i 7 easy 9 our m9ds1 9 a /ate ( entire resignation1 ?\gh sure ( dy+ if we pass$ ! night !re1 & see+ no likelihood ( anyone com+ to our succor4 ,at l5g? "s waggon]s came up1 :o ) difficulty drew u ?r\gh ! sn[4 ,! bi%op1 :5 he he>d ( x1 0 a/oni%$1 & _h no little self-complac5cy to ?9k t ,i _h ?us risk$ my life to obey him s punctually4 ,yet aft]w>d he d5\nc$ x z artifice & hypocrisy4 ,!re 7 times inde$ :5 ,i f\nd nature ov]*>g$2 b ! love ( ,god & ,8 grace r5d]$ sweet to me ! v wor/ ( bitt]s4 ,8 invisible h& support$ me2 else ,i _h sunk "u s _m probations4 ,sometimes ,i said to myself1 ,all ?y waves & ?y bill[s are gone ov] me1 7,psa4 #db3g74 ,?\ ha/ b5t ?y b[ & set me z a m>k = ! arr[2 ?\ has caus$ all ! arr[s ( ?y quiv] to ent] into my re9s 7,lam4 #c3ab1 #ac74 ,x seem$ to me z if ev]yone ?\ght he 0 9 ! "r to treat me ill1 & r5d]$ s]vice to ,god 9 do+ x4 ,i !n compreh5d$ t x 0 ! v mann] 9 :i* ,jesus ,*ri/ suff]$4 ,he 0 numb]$ ) ! transgressors1 7,m>k #ae3bh74 ,he 0 condemn$ by ! sov]eign pontiff1 *ief prie/s1 doctors ( ! law1 & judges deput$ by ! ,romans1 :o valu$ !mselves on do+ ju/ice4 ,happy !y :o by suff]+ = ! w ( ,god "u all ! l circum/ances1 h s ne> a relation to ! suff]+s ( ,jesus ,*ri/6 ,= six weeks aft] my arrival at ,meaux1 ,i 0 9 a cont9ual fev]1 nor _h ,i recov]$ f my indisposition1 :5 ,i 0 wait$ on by ! bi%op1 :o w\ld fa9 h compell$ me to give x "u my h&1 t ,i did n believe ! ,^w inc>nate1 7or ,*ri/ manife/ 9 ! fle%74 ,i answ]$ him1 t ?r\gh ! grace ( ,god1 ,i "k h[ to suff]1 ev5 to dea?1 b n h[ to sign su* a falsehood4 ,sev]al ( ! nuns :o ov]he>d ?is conv]sation1 & p]ceiv+ ! s5tim5ts ( ! bi%op1 !y jo9$ ) ! ,prioress1 9 giv+ a te/imonial1 n only ( my good conduct1 b ( _! belief 9 ! s\ndness ( my fai?4 ,! bi%op "s days aft]1 br\ght me a confession ( fai?1 & a reque/ to submit my books to ! *ur*1 t ,i may sign x1 promis+ to give me a c]tificate1 :i* he _h prep>$4 ,on my deliv]+ my submission sign$1 he1 not)/&+ 8 promise1 refus$ to give ! c]tificate4 ,"s "t aft]1 he endeavor$ to make me sign 8 pa/oral lett]1 & ackn[l$ge t ,i _h fall5 into ^? errors1 :i* he !re lays to my *>ge1 & made _m dem&s ( me ( ! l absurd & unreasonable nature1 ?reat5+ me ) ^? p]secutions ,i aft]w>d endur$1 9 case ( non-compliance4 ,h[ev]1 ,i cont9u$ resolute 9 refus+ to put my "n to falsehoods4 ,at l5g?1 aft] ,i _h rema9$ ab\t six mon?s at ,meaux1 he gave me ! c]tificate4 ,f9d+ ,mad4 ,ma9t5on disapprov$ ( ! c]tificate he _h grant$1 he want$ to give me ano!r 9 place ( x4 ,my refusal to deliv] up ! fir/ c]tificate enrag$ him1 & z ,i und]/ood !y int5d$ to pu% matt]s ) ! utmo/ viol5ce1 ,i ?\ght t al?\gh ,i 7 resign$ to :atev] might fall out1 yet ,i ought to take prud5t measures to avoid ! ?reat5+ /orm4 ,_m places ( retreat 7 (f]$ me2 b ,i 0 n free 9 my m9d to accept ( any1 nor to emb>rass anybody1 nor involve 9 tr\ble my fri5ds & my family1 to :om !y might attribute my escape4 ,i took ! resolution ( cont9u+ 9 ,p>is1 ( liv+ !re 9 "s private place ) my maids1 :o 7 tru/y & sure1 & to hide myself f ! view ( ! _w4 ,i cont9u$ ?us = five or six mon?s4 ,i pass$ ! day alone 9 read+1 9 pray+ to ,god1 & 9 work+4 ,b ! ,decemb] #bg1 #afie1 ,i 0 arre/$1 ?\gh exce$+ly indispos$ at t "t1 & conduct$ to ,v9c5nes4 ,i 0 ?ree days 9 ! cu/ody ( ,mons4 des ,grez1 :o _h arre/$ me2 because ! k+ w\ld n cons5t to my be+ put into prison2 say+ sev]al times ov]1 t a conv5t 0 suffici5t4 ,!y deceiv$ him by /ill /rong] calumnies4 ,!y pa9t$ me 9 8 eyes1 9 colors s black1 t !y made him scruple 8 goodness & equity4 ,he !n cons5t$ to my be+ tak5 to ,v9c5nes4 ,i %all n speak ( t long p]secution1 :i* has made s mu* noise1 = a s]ies ( t5 ye>s imprisonm5ts1 9 all sorts ( prisons1 & ( a bani%m5t almo/ z long1 & n yet end$1 ?r\gh crosses1 calumnies1 & all imag9able sorts ( suff]+s4 ,!re are facts too odi\s on ! "p ( div]s p]sons1 :i* *>ity induces me to cov]4 ,i h borne long & sore langui%+s1 & oppressive & pa9ful maladies )\t relief4 ,i h be5 also inw>dly "u great desolations = sev]al mon?s1 9 su* sort t ,i c\ld only say ^! words1 ,my ,god1 my ,god1 :y ha/ ?\ =sak5 me6 ,all creatures seem$ to be aga9/ me4 ,i !n put myself on ! side ( ,god1 aga9/ myself4 ,p]haps "s w be surpris$ at my refus+ to give ! details ( ! greate/ & /ronge/ crosses ( my life1 aft] ,i h relat$ ^? :i* 7 less4 ,i ?\ght x prop] to tell some?+ ( ! crosses ( my y\?1 to %[ ! crucify+ conduct :i* ,god held ov] me4 ,i ?\ght myself oblig$ to relate c]ta9 facts1 to manife/ _! falsehood1 ! conduct ( ^? by :om !y _h pass$1 & ! au?ors ( ^? p]secutions ( :i* ,i h be5 only ! accid5tal object1 z ,i 0 only p]secut$1 9 ord] to involve !re9 p]sons ( great m]it2 :om1 be+ out ( _! rea* by !mselves1 !y1 !re=e1 c\ld n p]sonally attack1 b by conf\nd+ _! affairs ) m9e4 ,i ?\ght ,i ow$ ?is to religion1 piety1 my fri5ds1 my family1 & myself4 ,:ile ,i 0 prison] at ,v9c5nes1 & ,monsieur ,de ,la ,re9e exam9$ me1 ,i pass$ my "t 9 great peace1 cont5t to pass ! re/ ( my life !re1 if su* 7 ! w ( ,god4 ,i sang songs ( joy1 :i* ! maid :o s]v$ me le>n$ by he>t1 z fa/ z ,i made !m4 ,we toge!r sang ?y praises1 ,o1 my ,god6 ,! /ones ( my prison look$ 9 my eyes l rubies2 ,i e/eem$ !m m ?an all ! gaudy brilliancies ( a va9 _w4 ,my he>t 0 full ( t joy :i* ,?\ give/ to !m :o love ,!e1 9 ! mid/ ( _! greate/ crosses4 ,:5 ?+s 7 c>ri$ to ! greate/ extremities1 be+ !n 9 ! ,ba/ile1 ,i said1 ,o1 my ,god1 if ?\ art pleas$ to r5d] me a new spectacle to m5 & angels1 ,?y holy w be done6 ,,decemb]1 #agji4 ,"h %e left (f h] n>rative1 ?\gh %e liv$ a retir$ life above sev5 ye>s aft] ?is date4 ,:at %e _h writt5 be+ only done 9 ob$i5ce to ! comm&s ( h] director4 ,%e di$ ,june #i1 #agag1 at ,blois1 9 h] sev5tie? ye>4