,frontispiece3 ,,nothing ,,would        
,,pacify ,,him ,,until ,i ,,gave ,,him  
,a ,,tune4       ,,dwell ,,deep   ,,or  
,,hilda ,,thorn',s ,,life ,,story       
,,by  ,,amy ,,le ,,feuvre   ,,author    
,,of ,,probable ,,sons1 ,,teddy',s      
,,button1   ,,eric',s ,,good ,,news1    
,,odd1 ,,etc4     ,,london  ,,the       
,,religious ,,tract ,,society           
,,manchester1 ,,madrid1 ,,lisbon1       
,,budapest  #ahif     ,,contents        
,,chapter       ,i  ,a ,,new ,,home     
,,ii  ,,taking ,a ,,stand    ,,iii      
,,the ,,reason ,,why     ,,iv  ,,an     
,,opening ,,for ,,work      ,v          
,,opportunities     ,,vi  ,,only ,a     
,,friend    ,,vii  ,a ,,fresh           
,,acquaintance   ,,viii  ,,drawn        
,,together     ,,ix  ,,quiet ,,days     
,x  ,,long ,,ago     ,,xi  ,a           
,,different ,,atmosphere    ,,xii  ,a   
,,test   ,,xiii  ,,take ,,home    ,,xiv 
,,wooed ,,and ,,won     ,,xv  ,a        
,,gathering ,,cloud    ,,xvi  ,,dark    
,,days   ,,xvii  ,,dawn  ,,xviii        

,,wedded    ,,xix  ,,old ,,friends      
,,dwell ,,deep   ,,chapter ,i  ,a ,,new 
,,home    ',meet is it changes should   
control   ,our being1 lest we rust in   
ease4'--,tennyson4   ,a golden cornfield
 in the still sunshine of a warm ,august
 afternoon4 ,in one corner of it1       
bordering a green lane1 a group of shady
 elms1 and under their shadow a figure  
of a young girl1 who1 gazing dreamily   
before her1 sat leaning her head against
 an old gnarled trunk in quiet content4 
,a small-shaped head1 with dark curly   
hair1 and a pair of blue-grey eyes with 
black curved lashes1 these were perhaps 
her chief characteristics2 more ,i      
cannot say1 for it is difficult to      
describe oneself1 and it was ,i1 ,hilda 
,thorn1 who was seated there4  ,it was a
 beautiful scene before me4  ,beyond the
 corn stretched a green valley1 and far 
in the distance were blue misty hills   
and moorland4  ,my soul seemed rested by
 the sweet stillness around1 but from   
the beauties of nature my eyes kept     

reverting to the ,bible on my knee1 and 
two words on the open page were         
occupying my thoughts--',dwell deep4'   
,i had been left an orphan at the age of
 ten1 both parents dying in ,india      
whilst ,i was at an ,english            
boarding-school4  ,there ,i stayed till 
,i was nineteen1 when ,i went to an old 
cousin in ,london1 and for three years  
,i lived a quiet uneventful life in a   
dull ,london square1 seeing very little 
society but that of elderly ladies and a
 few clergymen4  ,suddenly my whole life
 was changed4  ,my guardian1 who had    
been living abroad with his wife and    
family1 returned to ,england1 and wished
 me to make my home with him4  ,and my  
cousin was quite willing that it should 
be so4  ',you are young1 my dear1' she  
said to me1 'and it is only right for   
you to mix with young people and see the
 world4  ,i am getting to prefer being  
alone1 so ,i shall not miss you4'  ,it  
did not take long to settle matters1 and
 ,i soon left ,london for my guardian's 

lovely place in ,hertfordshire1 feeling 
both shy and curious at the strange     
future before me4  ,but during my stay  
in ,london there had been another and   
perhaps a greater change in my life than
 this4  ,i had been brought up          
religiously1 had said my prayers night  
and morning1 and had read my ,bible     
regularly once a day1 but with these    
outward forms my religion ceased4  ,i   
suppose all my thoughts were in the     
world and of the world4  ,i had been a  
favourite with my school-fellows1 who   
assured me ,i had more than my fair     
share of beauty1 and with all the       
ignorance and inexperience of girlhood  
had planned out glowing descriptions of 
the brilliant offers of marriage ,i     
would have1 and the delightful times    
before me4  ,i listened and laughed at  
them1 yet had chafed at the quiet       
monotony of my cousin's home1 and had   
longed for a break to come in the dull  
routine of our daily life4  ,then one   
night ,i had attended some mission      

services that were held in our church1  
and for the first time beheld life and  
death as they are in reality4  ,for     
several days ,i was in great distress of
 mind1 and turned with real earnestness 
to my ,bible for guidance and comfort4  
,the light came at last1 and ,i saw how 
completely ,christ had taken my place as
 a sinner1 and how as a little child ,i 
must come and claim the pardon that ,he 
had died to procure1 and was now holding
 out to me as a free gift4  ,this       
brought a wonderful joy into my life1   
and as each day seemed to draw me nearer
 to my ,saviour1 ,i felt that no life   
could be monotonous with all the        
boundless opportunities of speaking and 
working for ,him4 ,my craving for a gay1
 worldly life passed away1 and a deep1  
restful peace crept into my heart and   
remained there4  ,when ,i told my cousin
 of my experience she looked puzzled1   
and shook her head4  ',young people     
nowadays always go to such extremes2 but
 you look happy1 child1 and ,i shall not

 interfere with your serious views4'    
,and then my guardian arrived on the    
scene--a tall1 stern-looking man1 with  
iron-grey hair4  ,he had just retired   
from an ,indian cavalry regiment1 and   
still bore upon him the stamp of an     
officer accustomed to command4  ,he only
 stayed with us a few days1 and then    
carried me off to his country home4  ,it
 all seemed very strange to me1 and1    
though ,mrs4 ,forsyth gave me a warm    
welcome1 ,i could see ,i was an object  
of curiosity and criticism on the part  
of her three daughters1 who were all    
lively1 talkative girls4  ,two grown-up 
sons completed the home circle1 both of 
whom seemed to be at home doing nothing4
  ,i learnt afterwards that ,hugh1 the  
eldest1 wrote a great deal for some     
scientific magazines1 and was up in     
,london very constantly engaged in      
literary pursuits4  ,my thoughts were   
perplexed and anxious as ,i laid my head
 down on my pillow the first night4     
,little as ,i had as yet seen of them1  

,i knew from the conversation around me 
that there was no one who would         
sympathise with me in religious matters4
  ,how should ,i1 a mere beginner in the
 ,christian life1 be able to take a     
stand amongst this happy1 careless      
family circle1 who already were         
including me in dances and theatricals  
that were shortly coming off in the     
neighbourhood8  ,and then the next      
afternoon1 pleading fatigue from my     
journey1 ,i saw the girls go off to a   
tennis party with their mother and1     
taking my ,bible in hand1 crept out of  
the house and grounds1 and found my way1
 as ,i have already mentioned1 into that
 quiet1 sunshiny cornfield4  ,was it by 
chance that my eyes alighted on those   
two little words in ,jeremiah8  ,i think
 not4  ,i had heard a sermon upon them1 
and now ,i seized hold of them with a   
fresh realization of their strength and 
beauty4  ',dwell deep6'  ,oh1 how ,i    
silently prayed1 as ,i sat there looking
 up into the bright blue above me1 that 

,i might do so day by day and hour by   
hour6  ,silently could ,i feast and     
refresh my soul1 even amidst the gay    
laughter and talk around me1 for had ,i 
not an unseen ,friend always with me1   
upon whom ,i could lean for support and 
guidance through every detail in my     
daily life8  ,and so ,i sat on1 drinking
 in the sweet1 fresh country air1 and   
feeling so thankful for the quiet time  
,i was having4  ,suddenly the barking of
 a dog and men's voices roused me from  
my meditations1 and in another moment   
,kenneth ,forsyth sprang over a stile   
near1 and approached me1 in company with
 another young fellow about the same    
age4  ',halloo6' was his exclamation as 
he perceived me2 'is it you1 ,miss      
,thorn8  ,and all by yourself1 too8     
,what a shame of the girls6  ,let me    
introduce my friend1 ,captain ,gates4   
,you certainly have selected a cool     
spot4  ,may we share your retreat8  ,we 
were just lamenting the heat1 and       
longing for a piece of shade4'  ,and1   

without waiting for my answer1 he flung 
himself down on the grass beside me1    
whilst ,captain ,gates lounged against a
 tree close by4  ,i was a little vexed  
at the interruption1 and did not feel   
inclined to stay there with them4       
,kenneth was at present almost a        
stranger to me4 ,he had a mischievous1  
quizzical intonation in his voice when  
he spoke to me1 and ,violet1 his        
youngest sister1 a bright1 merry        
schoolgirl of fourteen1 had confided in 
me the previous night that ',kenneth was
 never so happy as when he was teasing  
people1 and that he took stock of every 
one1 and mimicked them--very often to   
their faces4'  ,i closed my little      
,bible quietly4  ,my first impulse had  
been to hide it1 but ,i conquered that  
as being unworthy of a ,christian1 and  
then ,i said brightly1--  ',i have      
enjoyed this so much4  ,you don't know  
what a pleasure it is1 after the grime  
and smoke and roar of ,london1 to come  
to a place like this4  ,your sisters    

wanted me to go with them this          
afternoon1 but ,i was a little tired1 so
 came out here instead4'  ',and are you 
fond of solitude8' inquired ,captain    
,gates4  ',most girls are not1 ,i       
fancy4'  ',i like it--sometimes1' ,i    
replied slowly4  ',this afternoon1 for  
instance1' ,kenneth said1 with a laugh4 
',but too much solitude is bad for the  
young1 so we are breaking in upon it for
 a good purpose4  ,it makes them morbid 
and self-engrossed4'  ,i saw that his   
quick eyes had already noted my ,bible1 
and was vexed to feel my cheeks         
flushing4  ',miss ,thorn's appearance is
 certainly not morbid1' said ,captain   
,gates good-naturedly2 and as ,i looked 
up at him ,i met a frank1 kindly glance 
from his dark eyes4  ',no1 ,i am not    
morbid1' ,i said2 ',i am very happy4'   
',ah6' put in ,kenneth with a mock sigh1
 'you are looking out at life with      
inexperienced eyes at present1 and      
everything has a roseate hue to you4    
,your experience has yet to come6'  ,for

 some little time longer they stayed    
there with me laughing and talking1 and 
then we all went back to the house      
together1 and my quiet time was over4   
,i liked ,kenneth better than his       
brother ,hugh1 who seemed to me to be   
too sarcastic and supercilious for any  
one to be comfortable in his presence2  
but there was a look of mischief in     
,kenneth's eyes which puzzled me1 as    
again and again this afternoon his      
glance met mine4  ,at dinner ,i was     
enlightened4  ,it was a merry home party
 that night4 ,captain ,gates and another
 man1 a ,mr4 ,stroud by name1 had come  
to stay for a few days' shooting1 and   
they certainly proved lively additions  
to our gathering4  ,in the midst of a   
buzz of conversation and laughter1 there
 was1 as so often happens1 a sudden     
lull1 and then ,kenneth from the other  
side of the table suddenly broke the    
silence3  ',miss ,thorn1 ,nell here     
wants to know the name of the book you  
were studying so deeply this afternoon  

in the corn-field8'  ,my cheeks flushed 
a little2 for one moment ,i hesitated1  
and every one seemed to be waiting for  
my answer2 then ,i said in a tolerably  
steady voice1  ',it was my ,bible4'  ,i 
felt1 rather than saw1 the astonishment 
depicted on the faces of those at the   
table4  ,nelly1 who was always          
overflowing with fun1 burst out         
laughing3  ',you don't mean to say that 
you are religious8' she said2 but her   
mother hushed her rather sharply1 and   
changed the subject at once4  ,i felt ,i
 had difficult times coming4  ,later on 
in the evening1 when music was going on1
 ,captain ,gates came over to me as ,i  
sat looking out into the dusky garden by
 one of the long ,french windows1 and   
said1  ',i see you have no difficulty in
 showing your colours1 ,miss ,thorn4'   
,i looked up at him gravely4  ',i ought 
to have no difficulty1' ,i said2 'it is 
nothing to be ashamed of4'  ,he smiled1 
and leaning against the half-open window
 seemed to regard me with some          

amusement4  ',is it a rude question to  
ask with whom you have been living      
before you came here8'  ,i told him1 and
 then he said reflectively1  ',it's a   
strange thing why the ,bible should be  
thought so out of place sometimes2 but  
,i wonder now if you read it out of pure
 pleasure1 or only from a sense of      
duty8'  ',why1 ,i love it6' ,i          
exclaimed2 then a little impulsively ,i 
added1  ',i don't mind telling you1     
,captain ,gates1 or any one else1 for   
that matter1 it is only just lately that
 ,i have felt so differently about it4  
,i used to think it dull and tedious1   
but it has changed now1 or rather1 ,i   
have changed1 and there is nothing ,i   
like better than getting away alone     
somewhere and having a nice read all by 
myself4'  ',you will not find much quiet
 time in this house1' he rejoined4  ',we
 are always on the go here2 you have    
come into a different life4  ,i fancy   
your ,bible reading will soon be a thing
 of the past4'  ',never1 ,i hope6' ,i   

said a little warmly4  ',i don't mean to
 lead a gay life1 ,captain ,gates2 ,i   
don't care for those kind of things     
now6'  ,he laughed4  ',perhaps you have 
never tried it8'  ',i never mean to4'   
,our conversation was interrupted here1 
and for the rest of the evening ,i said 
very little to any one2 but a short time
 after ,i had been in my bedroom that   
night ,nelly1 knocked at my door4  ',i'm
 coming in for a talk1' she said2 ',i'm 
very curious about you4  ,do you know   
that we have all been discussing you    
downstairs8'  ',i dare say1' ,i said1   
laughing4  ,somehow1 ,i felt very much  
drawn to ,nelly2 she seemed such a      
pleasant1 outspoken girl4  ,constance1  
the eldest of them1 though full of life 
and spirits1 was rather cold and distant
 in manner towards me4  ,in fact1 she   
had given me the impression that my     
arrival had not been welcome to her4    
,nelly seated herself in a low          
rocking-chair1 and scanned me rather    
mischievously before she proceeded3     

',you are such a pretty1 bright little  
thing to look at1 that ,bible reading   
seems so incongruous6  ,of course1 ,i   
read my ,bible in the evening when ,i go
 to bed--at least1 when ,i am not too   
tired--but that's a different matter4   
,mother said we mustn't take any notice 
of you1 and you would soon shake off    
these notions2 but ,captain ,gates said 
you told him you didn't intend to lead a
 gay life as we do--you have evidently  
taken him into your confidence--and he  
said he would back you against us for   
your determination of purpose4  ,now    
will you take my advice1 ,hilda8  ,don't
 look so hot and uncomfortable4  ,you   
haven't come into a houseful of saints1 
you know1 so you can't expect us to fall
 in with your views at once4  ,mother1  
of course1 won't like it if you go      
against her plans for you2 she will be  
very vexed1 but she will eventually give
 in2 but it's a different matter with   
father1 and he is your guardian1        
remember4  ,he hates cant1 as he calls  

it1 and he has great ideas of your      
taking your position in society as you  
should4  ,if you cross his will1 ,i warn
 you you will bring the house down upon 
your ears2 he never will stand any      
opposition4  ,and what father will do by
 his authority1 ,kenneth will do out of 
sheer love of teasing4  ,he will lead   
you a life of it1 ,i can tell you2 so ,i
 warn you beforehand4'  ',but1' ,i said1
 flushing a little1 though ,i tried to  
speak quietly1 ',i have no intention of 
setting up my will in opposition to your
 father's--,i wouldn't dream of it4     
,what do you think me like1 ,nelly8'    
,nelly laughed4  ',i think you are a    
curiosity1' she said1 'and whether we   
shall crush your originality out of you 
in a few weeks' time1 remains to be     
proved4  ,i thought ,i would give you a 
friendly intimation of what to expect4  
,and now good-night6'  ,she left me1    
and1 perplexed and troubled by her      
words1 ,i went to my window1 and1       
opening the casement1 leant out to cool 

my hot cheeks4 ,such a soft1 still night
 it was6  ,as ,i raised my eyes to the  
innumerable stars above1 and felt the   
hush and solemnity of the darkness1     
again the words came to me3 ',dwell     
deep4'  ,what did it matter if ,i found 
,i should have a cross to take up1 if ,i
 had to bear a little teasing from      
others who did not think as ,i did8     
,when ,i realized in the depths of my   
heart the riches ,i had1 and the stores 
of hidden wealth of which they knew     
nothing1 ,i could rest down upon it with
 such comfort1 feeling that my inner    
life would be sustained and strengthened
 by ,one who never left me4  ,and so ,i 
went to sleep that night at perfect     
peace in my new surroundings4           
,,chapter ,,ii  ,,taking ,a ,,stand     
',who is not afraid to say his say1     
,though a whole town's against          
him4'--,longfellow4   ,i was soon at    
home with the ,forsyths4  ,nelly and    
,violet treated me as a sister1 and     
,constance was too much engrossed at    

present with her own concerns to take   
much notice of me4  ,kenneth was the    
only one who was continually bringing   
forward serious topics of conversation  
in my presence1 and requesting me to    
give him my views on them4  ,he never   
let me alone1 and though ,i tried to    
keep out of his way1 and say as little  
as possible1 ,i found it increasingly   
difficult4  ,captain ,gates more than   
once came to my rescue2 but since ,i    
felt he had betrayed my confidence a few
 evenings before1 ,i could not talk with
 the same freedom to him4  ,i saw very  
little of ,general ,forsyth4  ,he spent 
the greater part of his time out of     
doors1 and it was only in the evening   
that he joined us all4 ,his children1   
though fond of him1 never seemed to feel
 at ease in his company1 and ,i soon    
found that his will was law with all4   
,one afternoon soon after my arrival ,i 
went out for a stroll across the fields 
at the back of the house4  ,i felt ,i   
wanted to be alone1 and away from the   

constant chatter and laughter of the    
girls4  ,so ,i wandered on farther than 
,i had intended1 and found myself at    
last on the edge of a wild moor4  ,my   
thoughts were grave ones1 but very happy
 ones2 and as ,i gazed over the broad   
expanse of heather in front of me away  
into the blue distance1 where the soft  
fleecy clouds seemed to stoop and kiss  
the outlines of purple hills as they    
swept gently by1 ,i could not help      
thanking ,god with all my heart that ,he
 had brought me into my present         
surroundings4  ,suddenly ,i was startled
 by hearing close to me a child's sobs1 
and after some minutes' search ,i came  
upon a tiny boy crouched amongst the    
heather1 grasping a bunch of faded      
harebells in his chubby fist1 and crying
 as if his heart would break4  ,as ,i   
bent over him1 he looked up into my face
 and sobbed out pitifully1--  ',cally me
 home1 lady2 ,i wants my mother4'  ',you
 poor little mite6' ,i said4  ',what is 
your name8 and where do you live8'  ,but

 as ,i lifted him up he uttered a sharp 
cry4  ',my foots is hurted2 ,i tumbled  
down1 and ,i've losted my boot4'  ,i saw
 that this was indeed the case2 his     
little foot was cut and bleeding1       
perhaps from coming in contact with some
 sharp stone1 and ,i was for a moment at
 a loss what to do4  ,he seemed about   
three or four years old1 but a heavily  
built child1 and my heart sank at the   
prospect of carrying him4  ,yet this was
 the only alternative1 and as he seemed 
to have very little idea of where he    
lived1 ,i decided to bring him back with
 me to our village1 there being no other
 houses in sight4  ,he was quite willing
 to be carried1 and wound his fat little
 arms so tightly round my neck that ,i  
thought he would throttle me4  ,but my  
progress was painfully slow2 the sun    
blazed down with fierceness1 and there  
was no shade on the moor2 even the fresh
 breeze which ,i had so enjoyed in      
coming seemed to have disappeared1 and  
every now and then ,i had to stop and   

rest4  ,the child himself soon dropped  
asleep in my arms1 and ,i became so     
tired myself that ,i was strongly       
inclined to leave him lying on the      
heather1 and send some one to fetch him 
when ,i got home4  ,at last1 to my great
 relief1 as ,i was crossing a field ,i  
saw a figure approaching1 and this      
proved to be ,kenneth4  ',halloo6' he   
said1 when he caught sight of me and my 
burden1 'what on earth have you got     
here8  ,you are certainly the most      
extraordinary young person that we have 
had in these parts for a long time6     
,where have you picked up this small    
fry8  ,are you taking a pilgrimage and  
doing penance for your sins with him8   
,if you only could see your face6  ,it  
makes me burn to look at you6'  ',don't 
tease1' ,i said wearily1 as ,i tried in 
vain to disengage the little fellow's   
arms from round my neck4  ',i found him 
crying amongst the heather1 and he has  
hurt his foot and cannot walk4  ,do take
 him from me1 will you8'  ,this was not 

such an easy matter4  ,the child woke up
 cross1 screamed when ,kenneth took him1
 and with his little fist struck him    
full in the face with all his childish  
strength1 crying out1--  ',i won't be   
callied by you2 ,i wants the lady4'     
,kenneth tossed him across his shoulder 
with calm indifference to his cries4    
',i shall have a reckoning with you     
by-and-by1 young man1 for this assault4 
,he is the infant pickle of our village1
 ,miss ,thorn--commonly called ,roddy   
,walters2 his mother keeps the small    
general shop1 and ,roddy keeps her      
pretty lively with his pranks4  ,his    
last mania has been running away        
whenever he gets a chance1 and if you   
intend to carry him home from wherever  
you find him1 you will have enough to   
do1 ,i can tell you4'  ,i made no reply1
 for ,i felt quite exhausted1 and was   
greatly relieved to find that ,kenneth  
knew where to take him4  ,presently ,i  
was asked1--  ',been having a ,bible    
study on the moor this afternoon8'      

',no1' ,i said quietly1 ',i have not4'  
',that's a pity1 isn't it8  ,you have   
been out all the afternoon2 it's rather 
frivolous1 isn't it1 and a waste of     
precious time to be sauntering over the 
moor doing nothing8  ,a time of         
meditation1 perhaps8'  ,yes1' ,i        
answered1 smiling a little in spite of  
myself1 ',i have been thinking1 as ,i   
walked1 what lovely country it is round 
here4'  ',we are going to have some     
grand doings in our neighbourhood soon1'
 ,kenneth pursued after a few moments'  
silence2 'the autumn manoeuvres are     
coming on1 and every one round here     
keeps open house4  ,we generally start  
the ball rolling by a dance4  ,are you  
fond of dancing8'  ',i used to be fond  
of it at school1' ,i said1 'but ,i--,i  
don't care about it now4'  ,i felt he   
was trying to draw me out1 and resolved 
to say as little as possible4  ',ah6 you
 wait till you're in the thick of it1   
and see the scarlet jackets flying      
round4  ,all the girls here lose their  

heads1 and their hearts1 too1 for the   
matter of that4  ,i was telling that    
fellow ,stroud to-day that if he means  
anything1 he had better cut in at once  
and get it settled1 for ,constance will 
have nothing to say to him a few weeks  
later4'  ,i said nothing2 ,i had noticed
 ,mr4 ,stroud's attentions to           
,constance1 and had drawn my own        
conclusions2 but when ,kenneth went on  
in the same strain declaring that       
,constance would keep him hanging on    
till she saw any she liked better1 ,i   
turned upon him rather sharply1--  ',i  
am very thankful you are not my brother4
  ,i think it is a shame of you to talk 
so1 and ,i won't listen to any more of  
it6'  ,he laughed1 and as we were now   
entering the village there was little   
more conversation between us till we had
 reached the small general shop4  ,mrs4 
,walters came out to us in a great state
 of excitement1 and ,roddy1 who had     
nearly fallen asleep again1 woke up and 
began to cry at the top of his voice4   

',i'm sure ,i don't know what to do with
 him1' she complained2 'he runs away    
from school whenever he get a chance1   
and last ,sunday he breaks into my      
neighbour's chicken-house1 and smashes a
 whole set of eggs that was being       
'atched6  ,school do keep him a bit     
quiet in the week1 but ,sundays he's    
just rampageous6'  ',does he go to      
,sunday ,school8' ,i asked4  ',there's  
no ,sunday ,school in our village1 miss2
 the bigger ones they goes to the next  
parish2 but it's two good miles1 and my 
,roddy he can't walk so fur4  ,now thank
 the leddy and gentleman1 you scamp1 for
 bringin' you home6'  ,roddy turned his 
big blue eyes upon us1 then suddenly    
held out his arms to me4  ',i'll kiss   
her1 for she callied me much nicer nor  
the gempleum6'  ,i gave the little      
fellow a hug4  ,he looked such a baby in
 his mother's arms1 and ,i felt quite   
drawn to him4  ',i love little children 
so1' ,i said to ,kenneth as we were     
walking home4 ',i wish there was a      

,sunday ,school in this place4  ,i      
should like ,roddy in my class4'  ',you 
might start a ,sunday ,school1'         
suggested ,kenneth gravely4  ',our old  
rector will let you do exactly as you   
like1 ,i am sure4'  ',i wonder if ,i    
could1' ,i said reflectively2 'just a   
class for the little ones1 and those    
that can't walk as far as the bigger1   
stronger ones4  ,i should be glad if ,i 
could do something on ,sunday4'  ,then  
remembering to whom ,i was speaking1 ,i 
checked myself and said no more on the  
subject1 though my thoughts were busy4  
,when we came up to the house we found  
that afternoon tea was going on under   
the old elms on the lawn4  ,mrs4        
,forsyth was in a low wicker-chair with 
her work1 ,constance was pouring out    
tea1 and ,nelly was swinging lazily in a
 hammock1 whilst ,captain ,gates and    
,mr4 ,stroud were making themselves     
generally agreeable4  ',have you two    
been taking a walk together8' asked     
,nelly as we approached4 ',i have been  

hunting for you everywhere1 ,hilda4     
,lady ,walker has been calling1 and     
wanted to see you2 she used to know your
 mother4'  ',how warm you look6'        
observed ,constance1 eyeing me1 ,i felt1
 with disapproval4  ',what have you been
 doing8'  ,i sat down on the garden     
seat1 glad to rest1 and ,kenneth1       
leaning against the tree opposite1      
began3--  ',well now1 ,i will give you a
 true account of her4  ,she felt so     
disgusted with our frivolity at lunch1  
that she went out to get away from us2  
she wandered on dreaming her dreams and 
building her castles in the air1        
mourning over our depravity1 and        
lamenting that she had no scope with us 
for all her benevolent projects1 until  
she found herself out upon the moor1    
whereupon she looked round1 and after a 
time found ,roddy ,walters asleep4  ,it 
was an opportunity to act the ,good     
,samaritan2 she hoisted him up into her 
arms in spite of his howls1 and insisted
 upon carrying him home4  ,and ,i met   

her panting and struggling with him in  
old ,drake's meadows4'  ',but why didn't
 you let him walk1 ,hilda8' interrupted 
,nelly4  ',he had hurt his foot1 poor   
little fellow--it was impossible2 even  
your brother saw that1 for he carried   
him the rest of the way himself4'  ',and
 now1' pursued ,kenneth gravely1 'the   
upshot is that she is so aghast at the  
state of heathenism and wickedness that 
the village children are in1 that she is
 going to start a ,sunday ,school       
herself next ,sunday1 and ,i expect she 
hopes to enlist some of us as teachers4 
,will you go1 ,gates8 ,i will back you  
up4'  ',oh1 ,i will go as a scholar1'   
said ,captain ,gates readily4  ',i      
think1 ,kenneth1 you are letting your   
tongue run on too fast1' said ,mrs4     
,forsyth gently2 ',i am quite sure      
,hilda has no such intentions4'  ,i felt
 myself getting vexed under all this    
chaffing1 but it has always been my way 
to speak out1 and so1 turning to ,mrs4  
,forsyth1 ,i said1--  ',he is not       

representing it fairly1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth4 
,mrs4 ,walters was telling us she wished
 she could send ,roddy to ,sunday       
,school1 and ,i said how much ,i wished 
,i could have him to teach4  ,it was    
,mr4 ,kenneth who suggested my having a 
,sunday ,school4  ,i certainly liked the
 idea1 and meant to speak to you about  
it1 but not now4'  ,kenneth laughed4    
',you meant to have a private           
confabulation with the mater and the    
parson1 but we like everything above    
board here4  ,we haven't much to amuse  
us1 and so every one likes to know every
 one else's business4  ,i can see you   
have an eye for reform1 so think it just
 as well to warn others about you4'     
',hilda1' said ,mrs4 ,forsyth1 who      
evidently wished to change the subject1 
',lady ,walker has invited you to go to 
some theatricals next ,wednesday with   
the girls4  ,i told her you had no      
engagement2 you will enjoy it1 ,i hope4 
,they live a little distance off in a   
beautiful old abbey1 and are very nice  

people4'  ,there was silence2 ,i felt   
that difficulties were all round me this
 afternoon1 and perhaps being so tired  
helped to make me less willing to assert
 my views4  ,i sipped my cup of tea     
before replying1 and then said          
quietly1--  ',it was very kind of her to
 ask me4'  ',it will be great fun1      
,hilda4  ,the ,walkers are awfully good 
at that kind of thing1 and they are     
going to have the stage out of doors4   
,i wish ,i was going to take part in it1
 but we shall finish up with a dance    
after1 so ,i shall keep myself for      
that4'  ,silently ,i put up a prayer for
 courage1 and then replied1--  ',i don't
 think ,i shall go1 ,nelly2 ,i do not   
care about theatricals nor dancing4'    
',i have accepted for you1' said ,mrs4  
,forsyth quickly and decidedly1 'for    
,general ,forsyth wishes you to go4  ,i 
am afraid you must keep your likes and  
dislikes in the background whilst with  
us about matters like this4' ,and taking
 up her work she left us and went       

towards the house1 whilst ,i felt my    
cheeks burn1 as ,i realized how         
displeased she was at my speech4  ,nelly
 began laughing and talking with        
,captain ,gates1 ,constance and ,mr4    
,stroud soon strolled away1 and ,i sat  
on1 conscious that ,kenneth's eyes were 
upon me1 yet feeling so uncertain of    
myself that ,i dared not speak4 ,i think
 ,i was very near tears4  ,presently    
,nelly turned to me3 ',have you finished
 your tea1 ,hilda8 will you come and get
 some flowers for the dinner-table8'  ,i
 jumped up1 tired though ,i was1 and    
when we were out of hearing of the      
others1 ,nelly put her hand caressingly 
on my arm3--  ',you poor little thing1  
you have been having a hot time of it   
since you came back from your walk4  ,i 
feel awfully sorry for you4  ,mother is 
vexed1 of course1 but she will have     
forgotten all about it by the time she  
next sees you4  ,she is never angry for 
long4  ,captain ,gates said to me just  
now that you were not wanting in courage

 or straightforwardness2 you spoke up   
well1 ,hilda2 but ,i have warned you    
beforehand1 you had much better1 as     
mother says1 keep your likes and        
dislikes to yourself4  ,as ,captain     
,gates was saying1 if a person feels in 
a foreign element1 the only cure is to  
adapt themselves to it4  ,he is taking  
quite an interest in you1 ,hilda2 he    
told me you had a true ring about you4  
,but it is awfully funny to me1 your    
standing out against all innocent       
pleasure4'  ',i will talk to you about  
it another day1 ,nelly1' ,i said1 trying
 to speak gently2 'don't think me       
disobliging if ,i leave you now4  ,i am 
so tired that ,i feel ,i cannot walk    
another step4  ,you don't mind getting  
the flowers by yourself1 do you8'  ',of 
course ,i don't4  ,go up to your room   
and have a nap2 you will have a quiet   
time till dinner4'  ,i left her1 for ,i 
felt ,i must be alone2 and when ,i      
reached my room ,i took my ,bible1 and  
sitting down in the low window seat     

turned over its leaves for comfort and  
guidance4  ,my thoughts were perplexed  
ones4  ,how ,i longed to live at peace  
with every one6  ,how easy it would be  
to slip along in this pleasant family   
life1 doing as others did around me2 how
 increasingly difficult ,i should find  
it1 if ,i was continually setting myself
 up in opposition to all their plans and
 wishes for me6  ,and yet in my heart ,i
 knew that unless ,i took a stand from  
the first1 ,i should be drawn into a    
whirl of gaiety1 such as ,i felt would  
not be the right position for a true    
,christian to be found in4  ,then ,i    
wondered what claims my guardian had    
upon me1 how far it would be right to   
obey him1 and where ,i must draw the    
line4  ',if only ,i had some one to     
advise me6' ,i murmured1 and the next   
minute felt ashamed of the thought as   
these words met my eye1--  ',but the    
,comforter1 which is the ,holy ,ghost1  
whom the ,father will send in ,my name1 
,he shall teach you all things4'  ,i    

bowed my head in prayer1 and when a     
little later ,i turned again to my      
,bible ,i was not long left in doubt4   
',be not conformed to this world1' ,i   
read in ,romans4  ,i turned up the      
references3 ',not fashioning yourselves 
according to the former lusts in your   
ignorance4'  ',love not the world1      
neither the things that are in the      
world4'  ',wherefore come out from among
 them1 and be ye separate1 saith the    
,lord4'  ,as ,i sat there drinking in   
these messages1 and dwelling upon them  
each in turn1 all doubt and hesitation  
left me4  ,i was quieted and refreshed1 
and when the thought of my guardian's   
possible anger flitted across my mind1  
,i was able to put it aside--',he shall 
teach you all things4'  ,and that took  
me to another verse1 ',take ye no       
thought how or what thing ye shall      
answer1 or what ye shall say2 for the   
,holy ,ghost shall teach you in the same
 hour what ye ought to say4'  ,with this
 ,i was quite content4     ,,chapter    

,,iii  ,,the ,,reason ,,why    ,let us1 
then1 be what we are1 and speak what we 
think1 and       in all things   ,keep  
ourselves loyal to truth4'--,longfellow4
   ',general ,forsyth1 may ,i speak to  
you for a few minutes8'  ,it was after  
breakfast the next morning that ,i made 
this request4  ,i was determined to have
 the matter settled as soon as possible4
  ',certainly1' my guardian said1       
looking at me in some surprise4  ',come 
into the library1 for we shall be       
undisturbed there4'  ,he led the way1   
politely handed me a chair1 and then    
stood leaning his back against the      
mantel-piece and stroking his moustache1
 giving me at the same time a keen      
glance from under his shaggy eyebrows4  
',well1' he said1 'what is it8  ,do you 
want any money8'  ',no1' ,i said a      
little nervously2 'it is quite another  
matter2' then gathering courage1 ,i     
looked him straight in the face and     
said1 ',general ,forsyth1 ,i think you  
expect me to go to those theatricals at 

the ,walkers' next week4  ,i cannot do  
it4'  ',indeed6' he said lightly1 'is it
 a question of dress8  ,what is the     
difficulty8'  ',no1 it is not that4  ,i 
want to tell you now1 for ,i think it   
may save difficulties afterwards4  ,i do
 not wish to lead a gay life3 ,i cannot 
go to dances or theatres with an easy   
conscience4  ,don't think it a mere whim
 or passing fancy2 it is a matter of    
principle with me4  ,i have given myself
 to ,god for ,his service1 and ,i look  
at everything in that light1 and from   
that standpoint4'  ,general ,forsyth    
looked amused4  ',don't put so much     
tragedy in your tone1 child6  ,since    
when have you taken up these peculiar   
notions8'  ',about two or three months  
ago1' ,i replied4  ',it has made a great
 difference in my life4  ,i thought if  
,i explained my reason to you1 you would
 not press me to go to things which are 
thoroughly distasteful to me4'  ',if it 
is only a couple of months since you    
formed these views1 ,i think you will   

find that time will alter them1 ,hilda4 
,i should like to state to you that1    
according to your father's will1 ,i am  
to have full control of your money until
 you marry1 or if that does not occur   
soon1 until you are thirty years of age4
  ,after that you are your own mistress4
 ,are you aware of this8'  ',i did not  
quite understand it so1' ,i said1       
wondering at the turn our conversation  
was taking4  ',i tell you this because  
it explains our position towards each   
other4 ,so much for the terms of the    
will4  ,now for what will touch you     
closer3 ,i was with your father when he 
died in ,india2 he was one of my dearest
 friends1 as you know1 and on his dying 
bed he made me promise that when your   
education was finished ,i should look   
after you as one of my own daughters1   
see that you were given every advantage 
due to the position in society that he  
meant you to occupy1 and in fact be to  
you what he would have been had he      
lived4  ,i know what his views were for 

you1 and those views ,i shall           
conscientiously try to further whilst   
you are with me4  ,i shall not          
countenance for a moment your hiding    
away from friends of your parents1 and  
others with whom ,i wish you to         
associate4  ,a time will come when you  
will thank me for my firmness now1 and  
for refusing to allow you to sacrifice  
all your prospects in life to some      
morbid fancies that you must have picked
 up in some ,dissenting chapel4'  ,i was
 silent for a moment1 then ,i said1--   
',i think my father would have wished me
 to be happy1 ,general ,forsyth2 ,i     
cannot go against my conscience in this 
matter1 it would make me wretched4  ,i  
do feel very grateful to you for giving 
me a home2 but indeed ,i would rather go
 away and earn my own living than lead  
the life you have planned out for me4'  
',we will not discuss the matter        
further1' said ,general ,forsyth icily2 
',i have told you my wishes on the      
subject4  ,if ,i am to treat you as one 

of my own daughters1 you will accompany 
them wherever they go4  ,i am accustomed
 to be obeyed in my own house1 and ,i do
 not think you will deliberately oppose 
my wishes for you4'  ',i am sorry to    
displease you1' ,i said in a low voice1 
'but in this one respect ,i feel ,i am  
right in acting so'2 and then ,i left   
the room with a heavy heart4  ,i went   
out into the garden a little later1 and 
made my way to a quiet spot in a        
plantation near the house1 where ,i had 
found a delightful little nook to sit   
in1 and there ,i took my ,bible and had 
a quiet read and prayer4  ,general      
,forsyth was not in to luncheon1 but ,i 
saw from ,mrs4 ,forsyth's face that he  
had told her of our interview4 ,she said
 very little to me1 and when the        
theatricals were mentioned at the table 
she changed the subject at once4  ,in   
the afternoon ,i joined ,violet and her 
governess in an expedition to a wood a  
little distance off4  ,we took tea with 
us1 and ,i thoroughly enjoyed it4  ,miss

 ,graham was a quiet woman1 but very    
clever1 and she and her pupil were the  
best of friends4  ',i wish you were in  
the schoolroom with me1' said ,violet1  
as we sat chatting together in the cool 
shade under the trees4  ',i think we    
should have great fun together1 and do  
you know1 ,i heard mother say to        
,constance this morning that she wished 
you were too1 for then the difficulty   
would be solved4  ,what did she mean8'  
,i gave an involuntary sigh1 and ,miss  
,graham looked at me a little curiously2
 then1 as ,violet started to her feet in
 pursuit of a squirrel1 she laid her    
hand gently on my arm4  ',you look      
troubled1 ,miss ,thorn2 ,i am afraid you
 are one of those who try to go through 
life too seriously1 isn't it so8'  ',i  
don't think so1' ,i said with a smile2  
',i am a little troubled to-day because 
,i am vexing both ,general and ,mrs4    
,forsyth very much1 ,i am afraid1 but ,i
 cannot help it4'  ',ah6 don't do it1 my
 dear4  ,take their advice1 and trust   

them about your life here4  ,they are   
old1 and you are young4  ,i have heard  
from ,nelly a little about your         
difficulty1 and ,i am sorry for you1 for
 ,i admire your sincerity4  ,still1 we  
see things differently when we get      
older1 and you will find that it is     
always best to give way to others1 and  
keep your own opinions in the           
background1 especially when you are     
young4'  ',it isn't my opinions that ,i 
want to bring forward1' ,i said1 'but ,i
 am old enough to be responsible for my 
actions4'  ',there was a time when ,i   
had such thoughts1' said ,miss ,graham2 
'when ,i was quite a young girl ,i used 
to long to join a ,sisterhood1 and      
devote myself to good works for the rest
 of my life2 but ,i was shown how       
visionary and unpractical such ideas    
were1 and after a time ,i ceased to     
entertain them4'  ',why did you want to 
give yourself up to good works1 ,miss   
,graham8' ,i asked a little curiously4  
,she laughed4  ',well1 if you really    

want to know1 it was partly because ,i  
had met with a disappointment4  ,some   
one ,i was very fond of--in fact1 to    
whom ,i was engaged1 left me to marry a 
girl with money1 and ,i was for the time
 disgusted with life4  ,then ,i think ,i
 did desire to live a useful life2 but  
now ,i have realized there are many     
different ways of doing that4'  ',i     
don't wonder you changed your mind1 if  
those were your motives for leaving the 
world1' ,i said slowly4  ',why1 what    
other motives would you have8  ,what is 
yours8  ,isn't it a desire to be good   
and fit yourself for heaven one day8'   
',no1' ,i replied softly2 'it isn't to  
earn my salvation that ,i want to keep  
clear of the world2 it is because ,i    
have had that given to me already1 and  
,i want to show my love to the ,saviour 
by my life4  ,i do love ,him1 and ,i am 
so afraid of a whirl of gaiety spoiling 
the communion ,i have with ,him day by  
day4'  ,miss ,graham looked at me in    
astonishment1 and was about to speak1   

when ,violet came back1 and we changed  
the conversation4  ,i do not know how it
 was that ,i spoke so openly to ,miss   
,graham1 for ,i generally found it very 
difficult to express my thoughts to any 
one2 but ,i seemed to have been led into
 it1 and as we walked back in the cool  
of the evening ,i just put up a prayer  
that she might be made to see things    
differently4  ,i was rather relieved to 
hear that ,general and ,mrs4 ,forsyth   
were dining out that night4  ,perhaps   
their absence accounted for the extra   
gaiety of our party2 ,i had never seen  
,constance and ,nelly so full of        
spirits1 and ,kenneth and ,captain      
,gates seemed bent upon having 'a real  
good time of it1' as they expressed it4 
,hugh kept them a little in check at    
dinner2 but when they joined us in the  
drawing-room afterwards1 ,i saw they    
meant to be as good as their word4      
,constance sat down to the piano and    
began playing some waltzes1 and then    
,captain ,gates sprang up4  ',here1     

,kenneth1 give me a hand2 we will move  
some of these obstacles1 and have a     
dance4'  ,in a few minutes1 chairs had  
been piled up one on top of the other in
 a corner1 tables and couches pushed to 
the side1 and a clear space left in the 
middle of the room4  ,hugh made his exit
 in disgust1 saying1 ',i think it is a  
romp1 not a dance1 that you are         
wanting6'  ,and ,mr4 ,stroud1 a quiet   
little man1 said protestingly1 ',i think
 you will find it very warm work in     
here2 would you not rather take a stroll
 by the river1 ,miss ,forsyth8'         
,constance shook her head1 and continued
 playing1 and then1 before ,i knew where
 ,i was1 ,nelly seized hold of me and1  
whirling me round1 waltzed away4  ,i    
could not help enjoying it2 ,i had      
always loved dancing at school1 so      
without a thought ,i gave myself up to  
it2 and when ,captain ,gates stopped us1
 declaring that he would not waltz with 
,kenneth1 and we must make a speedy     
exchange1 ,i made no objection4  ,i     

danced with him and with ,kenneth       
afterwards1 and then took ,constance's  
place at the piano1 to let her have a   
turn4  ,when we were all tired out and  
were resting ,kenneth said1--  ',i think
 we are in good form for the ,walkers'  
wind-up now4  ,what do you think1 ,miss 
,thorn8  ,you have changed your mind    
about going1 haven't you8'  ',no1' ,i   
said decidedly1 ',i am not going4'      
',nonsense6' ,nelly exclaimed1 'you are4
  ,mother said this morning that it was 
settled1 and why on earth do you want to
 keep away8 you dance like----'  ',like 
a midsummer elf1' put in ,captain       
,gates2 ',i thought you did not care    
about dancing4  ,why1 you love it1 you  
know you do6'  ,i felt my cheeks flush1 
as ,i realized how foolish ,i had been1 
and then ,i said1 resolving to be       
truthful at all events1--  ',well1 ,i   
thought ,i did not care for it4  ,i did 
not know till ,nelly started me off how 
enjoyable it is still to me4  ,but that 
does not alter my decision at all about 

going to the theatricals next           
,wednesday4'  ',it is those1 then1 that 
you dislike1 not the dancing8'  ,i did  
not answer4  ,kenneth now spoke from the
 depth of a large couch upon which he   
had thrown himself4  ',now look here1   
,goody ,two-,shoes1 just stand up and   
give us a discourse on the iniquities of
 dancing and such like4  ,here is your  
opportunity2 five worldlings before you6
  ,shall ,i ring the bell for ,tomkins  
to fetch your ,bible8  ,i would go      
myself1 only ,i'm just about done up4   
,you will want a text4  ,give us your   
views2 it will be most interesting and  
edifying4  ,who knows8  ,you may so     
convince us of the awful sin of going to
 the ,walkers'1 that we shall all send  
in an apology for our absence1 and from 
henceforth do our dancing at home6'     
',joking apart1 we should really like to
 know your reasons for abstaining from  
evening parties1' said ,captain ,gates4 
,still ,i was silent1 feeling the       
difficulty of my position2 and then1    

after a swift prayer for guidance1 ,i   
said slowly3 ',i don't think any of you 
will understand me1 and ,i am very sorry
 ,i have been carried away to-night by  
the music4  ,it isn't dancing itself    
that's a sin1 and ,i am not judging any 
of you2 but ,i know in my heart that    
dancing and theatricals are wrong for   
me2 they are the essentials of          
worldliness1 those and horse-racing1 and
 card-playing1 and other things of the  
same sort4  ,i want to keep clear of    
them all1 as ,i know if ,i go in for any
 ,i shall be gradually more and more    
engrossed in them4  ,and the very proof 
,i have had to-night of how my taste for
 dancing has not gone1 will make me keep
 right away from it for the future4'    
',but why is it such a sin for you8'    
asked ,nelly wonderingly4  ',because1'  
,i said1 feeling the colour rise to my  
cheeks with the effort of speaking      
out1--'because ,i have given myself1    
body and soul1 to ,god1 and ,i want to  
live only for ,him4  ,you asked me for a

 text--here is the one that has helped  
me3 ,he died for all1 that they which   
live should not henceforth live unto    
themselves1 but unto ,him which died for
 them and rose again4'  ,there was      
silence1 then ,constance said with a    
light laugh3 ',to be consistent1 ,hilda1
 you ought to go into a ,sisterhood2 are
 you thinking of doing it8'  ',no2 why  
should ,i8  ,i only tell you this to    
show you how inconsistent ,i should be  
if ,i threw myself into the midst of a  
gay life and thought of nothing but     
enjoying myself4'  ',like the rest of   
us8  ,give me one of your sort for      
parading their own virtues at the       
expense of their neighbours6' said      
,kenneth1 with a yawn4  ',oh1 please    
don't say that6  ,you made me give my   
reasons4'  ',and so you have drawn out  
this hard-and-fast line of life for     
yourself1 and think you will be happy in
 stifling all your natural instincts8'  
asked ,captain ,gates4  ',i am happy--,i
 don't want these things ,i have        

something much better6' ,then1 warming  
with my subject1 ,i added impulsively1  
',i don't believe any of you know what  
it is to realize that religion is not an
 outward form1 something we hear and    
read about1 but is a reality in one's   
soul4 ,it is living instead of merely   
existing1 it is being in touch with     
everything beautiful and ennobling1 and 
with a living personal ,friend1 whose   
love is such an utterly different thing 
from anything else on earth6'  ',i think
 we have had enough1' ,kenneth          
interrupted in a drawling tone4 ',spare 
us any more rhapsodies4  ,can't we have 
a little music8  ,you might give us a   
song1 ,stroud4'  ,mr4 ,stroud complied  
with this request at once2 he seemed    
never so happy as when ,constance was   
playing his accompaniments1 and for the 
next twenty minutes she and he were     
singing together4  ,then ,captain ,gates
 asked me a little hesitatingly if ,i   
would play on my violin4  ,i had not    
often used it since ,i had been with the

 ,forsyths1 but ,i had always been very 
fond of it1 and had played for hours to 
my old cousin in ,london4  ',i think a  
violin is rather worldly1' objected     
,kenneth in his mocking tone2 ',i am    
sure it is not a fit conclusion to the  
sermon we have just been hearing4'  ',i 
don't think it is at all worldly1' ,i   
said determinedly1 as ,i moved across to
 one of the long ,french windows and    
took my violin from the case2 then      
leaning against the side of the window  
,i looked out into the soft summer      
night1 and dreamily began to play4      
,perhaps it was the absence of ,general 
and ,mrs4 ,forsyth that made me feel    
more at ease1 but instead of playing any
 of my classical pieces ,i drifted into 
improvising as ,i went along1 and then1 
as my thoughts took me far away1 ,i gave
 myself up to them entirely4  ',dwell   
deep' was ringing softly but clearly in 
my ears4  ,storms could come and storms 
could go1 but in all and through all    
were those two little words of peace and

 quiet4  ,and my violin was with me1 and
 understood my mood4  ,i don't know how 
long ,i played1 but when ,i came to     
myself and surroundings1 soothed and    
comforted in spirit1 ,i found them all  
staring at me in astonishment4  ,i let  
my bow fall in perfect silence1 and     
,captain ,gates asked with a long-drawn 
breath1 ',what is the name of that8'    
',dwell deep6' ,i replied with a full   
heart2 and then putting my violin by1   
without another word ,i left them1 and  
went up to my room4  ,i did not go down 
again that night4     ,,chapter ,,iv    
,,an ,,opening ,,for ,,work  ',whoever  
fears ,god1 fears to sit at ease4'--,e4 
,b4 ,browning4   ',hilda1 mother wants  
to speak to you in her boudoir4  ,we    
have just been having a grand discussion
 about our dresses for the ,walkers'    
affair1 and she wants to find out from  
you whether you are really going or     
not4'  ,i sighed as ,nelly finished     
speaking4  ,i was picking some roses on 
the lawn1 and ,captain ,gates had just  

sauntered out of the smoking-room1 cigar
 in mouth4  ,it was such a lovely       
morning that ,i was meditating spending 
it in my favourite nook in the          
plantation1 and for the time ,i had     
forgotten everything unpleasant4  ',you 
poor little creature6' said ,nelly      
sympathetically1 'aren't you tired of   
it8  ,you have discussed the subject    
with father1 given us a long preach last
 night1 and now there still remains     
mother6  ,let me advise you1 don't be   
too outspoken with her4  ,constance told
 her about our dance last night1 and    
mother seems to think that it must be   
pure wilfulness on your part if you     
still refuse to go with us4'  ',i wish  
,i could be left alone1' ,i said a      
little wistfully2 ',i shall only make   
your mother angry4'  ',are you tired of 
showing your colours8' questioned       
,captain ,gates4  ',i hope not1' ,i said
 in a brighter tone1 and then ,i went   
into the house4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth was kind
 at first1 but when she saw that ,i was 

really determined she became vexed4     
',it is placing me in a very awkward    
position1 ,hilda4  ,what excuse can ,i  
make for you8  ,you have not even       
delicacy of health to account for your  
absence4  ,i am anxious to take you     
about with my own daughters1 and people 
will think ,i am purposely keeping you  
in the background4  ,i do wish you had  
given us some intimation of these       
strange views before you came to live   
with us4  ,it will be a continual       
annoyance to us4'  ',do you think ,i had
 better go back to my cousin's in       
,london8' ,i asked4 ',i really do not   
want to be such a trouble4  ,if you     
would only let me be happy in my own    
way1 and stay quietly at home1 ,i should
 be so grateful1 because you have all   
been so kind to me that ,i love to be   
here4'  ',i really don't know what we   
shall do with you1' ,mrs4 ,forsyth      
replied1 in a milder tone4  ',i believe 
,general ,forsyth has his own plans for 
you1 and if you will not fall in with   

them1 it would be better for us all that
 you should be away from us4  ,however1 
of course1 we cannot force you to go    
with us next ,wednesday1 so ,i must try 
and explain it as best ,i can to ,lady  
,walker4  ,i need hardly say that       
,general ,forsyth will not be at all    
pleased about it4'  ,i left her feeling 
rather downhearted4  ,looking at it from
 their point of view1 ,i must be        
somewhat of a trial to them1 and yet ,i 
knew ,i could not act otherwise4  ,as ,i
 was stepping out into the garden again1
 deep in thought1 ,i was startled by the
 sudden appearance of little ,roddy     
,walters from behind a large tree close 
to the house4  ,his hands were full of  
yellow marsh marigolds and blue         
forget-me-nots4  ',roddy has brought    
them for you1' were his first words1 as 
he caught sight of me4  ,i had seen the 
little fellow several times since our   
first meeting1 but this was the first   
time that he had ventured to come up to 
the house to see me1 though whenever ,i 

passed through the village he would run 
after me1 and ,i had great difficulty in
 getting away from him4  ',how lovely6' 
,i exclaimed1 as ,i took the bunch from 
his hot little hands2 'but1 ,roddy1 you 
ought to be at school4  ,have you run   
away8'  ,he laughed and nodded3 ',bess  
,brown did take me to school1 but she   
slapped me1 and ,i runned away1 and ,jim
 tooked me down to the water1 and we    
picked these booful flowers1 and ,i     
loves you1 and ,jim said ,i might give  
'em to you4'  ',and who is ,jim8'  ',jim
 is waiting for me1 ,jim is1 he's       
sittin' on the gate2 you come and ,i'll 
show you him4'  ,he led me down the     
avenue as fast as his little legs could 
carry him1 and there on a side gate that
 led into some fields was a lad about   
fifteen4  ,he got down directly he saw  
me1 and ,i noticed that he was a cripple
 and had a crutch by his side4  ',are   
you ,jim8' ,i asked4  ',yes1 mum6'      
',don't you know that ,roddy ought to be
 at school8  ,it isn't right of you to  

encourage him to play truant4'  ,jim    
laughed4  ',he's such a little 'un1 he  
is4'  ,and then we drifted into talk4   
,jim told me he lived with his uncle1   
who was a cobbler1 but he himself had no
 occupation except that of gathering    
wild flowers1 and taking them into the  
market town near1 twice a week4  ,i     
found to my surprise that he could not  
read4  ',i was on my back for years when
 ,i might 'a had my schoolin'1 and when 
,i was able to get about with my crutch 
,i was that 'shamed to go1 being such a 
big 'un1 and such a dunce4  ,uncle ,sam1
 he has a tried to teach me1 but he has 
a awful temper1 and says ,i'm that slow 
,i aggrewate him into fits4'  ',how ,i  
wish ,i could teach you6' ,i exclaimed2 
'wouldn't you like to learn8'  ',ay1    
shouldn't ,i6 but ,i'm an awful         
dullard4'  ,we talked a little longer4  
,i took a great fancy to this thin lanky
 lad1 with his great dark questioning   
eyes--he seemed lonely--and his         
affection for little ,roddy was very    

touching4  ,that afternoon the old      
rector happened to call while we were at
 tea1 and ,i took the opportunity of    
asking him about the boy2 he seemed     
quite pleased at my interest in him1 and
 then of his own accord he broached the 
subject of ,sunday ,school4  ',i should 
like to get one of you young ladies to  
have a class of the little ones on      
,sunday4  ,i am an old man myself1 and  
don't feel up to it4  ,i sometimes wish 
,i had a wife or daughter to help me    
about these things4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth1    
what do you think about it8'  ',i have  
no doubt ,miss ,thorn would be delighted
 to do what you wish4 ,she has already  
expressed a desire1 ,i believe1 to do   
something of the sort4'  ,mrs4          
,forsyth's tone was a little stiff1 but 
,i was so glad that she made no         
objection to the suggestion that ,i felt
 quite grateful to her4  ,and before the
 rector left us he had settled that ,i  
should start a class the following      
,sunday afternoon from three to four in 

the vestry of the little church4  ',i   
will go round to my parishioners and let
 them know4  ,of course you will be     
prepared for very little ones1 as the   
bigger ones attend a school a little    
distance off4  ,and as for ,jim ,carter1
 if you can give him a reading lesson   
now and then in the week1 ,i shall be   
delighted4'  ,when the rector had gone1 
,i ran up to my room1 and just knelt    
down and thanked ,god for the work ,he  
had already given me4  ,only that       
morning ,i had been praying for         
something to do1 and had anticipated    
great difficulties in the way4  ,yet the
 opening had come1 and everything seemed
 made easy for me4  ,and for the rest of
 the day this fresh interest made me    
forget my troubles1 until ,i was        
reminded of them in the drawing-room    
that evening4  ,we were all there1      
,general ,forsyth reading the evening   
paper1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth with her work1 and
 the girls round the piano1 when        
suddenly ,kenneth said1 turning to me1--

  ',what kind of a mood are you in      
to-night8  ,a musical one8  ,because if 
so1 please favour us with a repetition  
of last night's performance4'  ',what8  
,another dance8' said ,nelly laughing4  
',she is never going to dance again1 she
 says6'  ',wait and see1' and ,kenneth's
 tone was a little scornful2 'but it was
 the violin ,i was alluding to4'  ,then 
,general ,forsyth looked up4  ',i hope  
you have thought better about going to  
,lady ,walker's1 ,hilda4  ,i hear you   
were nothing loth to turn this room into
 chaos last night in order to enjoy a   
dance1 so ,i conclude you have overcome 
your foolish scruples about it4'  ',i am
 sorry1 ,general ,forsyth1' ,i said1    
trying to speak bravely1 'but ,i told   
,mrs4 ,forsyth this morning that ,i     
cannot go4'  ',you have your father's   
obstinacy1 ,i see2' and throwing down   
his paper angrily1 ,general ,forsyth got
 up and left the room4  ',never saw the 
general lose his temper before1'        
murmured ,mr4 ,stroud to ,constance2 and

 she replied1 in tones loud enough for  
me to hear1 ',she is a provoking little 
thing2 ,i believe it is nothing but cant
 with her4 ,i hate those kind of        
people4'  ,captain ,gates was sitting   
close to me1 and his eyes met mine as we
 caught the sneering words4  ,he did not
 say anything1 but got up from his seat 
and fetched my violin1 which he put into
 my hands saying1--  ',give us another  
treat1 for you make it speak6'  ,i shook
 my head1 then1 as he begged me so hard1
 ,i felt ,i ought not to refuse1 but ,i 
could not play as ,i had done the night 
before1 and when ,i had finished he     
said1--  ',thank you1 but that is rather
 different to last night4'  ',it is     
rather too classical1 perhaps4  ,i will 
try a little lullaby4 ,it's ,german1 and
 ,i think you may like it4'  ',hilda1'  
said ,mrs4 ,forsyth when ,i had         
finished1 'you ought to cultivate your  
gift for music1 for you have got a good 
touch4  ,i am anxious for ,violet to    
play well1 but her violin lessons with  

,miss ,graham are a source of constant  
trouble to me4  ,i wish you could give  
her a few hints about it4  ,miss ,graham
 is a good musician1 but she certainly  
does not handle the instrument as you   
do4'  ',i shall be very glad to practise
 with ,violet a little1' ,i said1 'if   
,miss ,graham does not object4'  ,then  
,nelly called to me from the balcony    
outside the windows1 and ,i joined her  
with a sense of relief at getting out   
into the still1 cool evening air4       
,captain ,gates joined us1 and leant    
against one of the stone pillars        
enjoying a cigar4  ,we talked and       
laughed for some time1 then as ,nelly   
moved off a little farther to speak to  
,hugh1 who had also come out1 ,captain  
,gates turned to me and said1 ',you are 
having rather a hot time of it just now1
 ,miss ,thorn1 ,i feel afraid4  ,why are
 you so determined in your views8  ,i   
feel sorry for you1 because you have    
every one against you4'  ,his tone was  
sympathetic4  ',i shall get accustomed  

to that1 ,i suppose1' ,i said2 but as ,i
 looked away to the still hills in the  
distance1 my eyes suddenly filled with  
tears1 and ,i realized how lonely my    
position was4  ',i can't think why you  
hold out2 you are planning a dreary life
 for yourself1 don't you think so8'     
',no1' ,i said1 hastily brushing away my
 tears1 and smiling at his gloomy tone2 
',i shall not be a bit dreary2 how could
 ,i be6'  ',i wish you would explain a  
few things to me1 and then perhaps ,i   
should understand better4  ,do you      
consider us all dreadful sinners here8' 
',i judge no one1 ,captain ,gates4  ,it 
seems to me you must have something to  
fill your life and interest and occupy  
you1 and if you haven't got what ,i     
have1 you must have worldly amusements4'
  ',and what have you got that we have  
not8'  ,i was silent for a moment1 then 
,i said1--  ',do you ever read your     
,bible1 ,captain ,gates8'  ',not often4'
  ',you will find a great deal about the
 ,christian's portion there1 if you     

look2 but ,i suppose the summing up of  
it all is just ,christ ,himself4 ,if we 
have ,him we want nothing more4'  ,there
 was another silence4  ,at length he    
said meditatively1 ',i should like to be
 enlightened4  ,will you come for a row 
on the river to-morrow1 and let us      
thrash the subject out8'  ',i don't     
know1' ,i said hesitatingly2 ',i will   
see what plans the others have4'  ,and  
then ,i stepped back into the           
drawing-room1 leaving him alone there1  
and wondering if he was really in       
earnest1 or only drawing me out for his 
amusement4  ,when ,i went forward to    
wish ,general ,forsyth 'good-night' that
 evening1 he refused to take my hand1   
saying coldly1 ',i shall have nothing to
 say to you for the present2 your       
conduct is highly displeasing to me4'   
,i felt the blood rush to my cheeks1 as 
he did not lower his voice1 and all in  
the room heard his words2 then ,i left  
the room slowly1 like a naughty child   
being sent off to bed in disgrace4      

,nelly came rushing upstairs after me1  
and linked her arm in mine4  ',never    
mind1 ,hilda4  ,you see father is never 
accustomed to have any one oppose him1  
and he cannot understand you4  ,you are 
a bold little thing1 to say what you do 
to him4  ,now tell me what conspiracy   
was going on between you and ,captain   
,gates this evening8  ,he is asking     
mother if we can have a picnic on the   
river to-morrow4  ,constance and ,mr4   
,stroud are delighted1 and mother has   
given her consent4  ,mother says she    
won't start with us1 but may join us    
later in the day4  ,he said we had      
better have three boats2 but ,i wonder  
how we are going to pair off4  ,i am not
 always going to be coupled with        
,kenneth1 he and ,i are sure to fight4  
,and ,i know ,captain ,gates will have  
you with him if he can manage it2 he    
follows you about everywhere4           
,constance and ,mr4 ,stroud are         
inseparable1 and no one takes any notice
 of me6'  ',oh1 ,nelly1 how you run on6'

 ,i exclaimed1 half laughing1 half      
vexed4 ',i dare say ,i shall not go with
 you4'  ',but you must2 it will be great
 fun4  ,well1 good night2 ,i must be    
going4'     ,,chapter ,v                
,,opportunities    ',draw through all   
failure to the perfect flower2   ,draw  
through all darkness to the perfect     
light4   ,yea1 let the rapture of ,thy  
spring-tide thrill   ,through me1 beyond
 me1 till its ardour fill   ,the        
ungrowing souls that know not ,thee     
aright1   ,that ,thy great love may make
 of me1 e'en me1   ,one added link to   
bind the world to ,thee4'--,e4 ,s4 ,a4  
,we had a very enjoyable day up the     
river1 ,violet begged a holiday1 and    
came with us4  ,we had only two         
boats--,constance1 ,violet1 and ,mr4    
,stroud in one1 and ,nelly1 ,kenneth1   
,captain ,gates1 and ,i in the other4   
,we took our lunch with us1 and landed  
in a wood that came down to the water's 
edge4  ,and after our meal was over     
,captain ,gates asked me to come for a  

stroll through the woods with him4  ,i  
did not feel inclined to do this at     
first1 yet hardly liked to refuse1 and  
it was not long before he turned our    
conversation towards serious subjects4  
',i looked into a ,bible which was in my
 room last night1 ,miss ,thorn1 but ,i  
couldn't see anything in it to make me  
wish to alter my life4  ,it seems to me 
that as long as we slip along1 and live 
decent1 respectable lives1 that is all  
that is required4  ,god is merciful1    
isn't ,he8  ,he won't require too much  
of us4'  ',what doth the ,lord thy ,god 
require of thee1 but to fear the ,lord  
thy ,god1 to walk in all ,his ways and  
to love ,him1 and to serve the ,lord thy
 ,god with all thy heart and with all   
thy soul8'  ,i repeated this verse      
rather slowly1 adding1--  ',i don't     
think many of us can say we come up to  
,god's requirements1 ,captain ,gates4   
,god will put up with a great many      
things in the human heart1 but there is 
one thing ,he will not put up with in   

it--a second place4  ,he who offers ,god
 a second place offers ,him no place4   
,i think that has been very truly said2 
don't you think so8'  ',well1 ,i must   
plead guilty1 of course1 when you bring 
up a verse like that1' he responded     
lightly2 'but that is an impossible     
standard to set up for us poor human    
mortals4'  ',yes1' ,i said1 after a     
minute's silence1 'judging us from that 
standard1 we have all failed4  ,we are  
condemned already4  ,i don't believe1   
,captain ,gates1 that we can ever be in 
real earnest about having our souls     
saved till we realize our condemnation4 
,the verse that made me miserable was   
this one3 ,he that believeth not the    
,son shall not see life1 but the wrath  
of ,god abideth on him4'  ',were you    
ever an unbeliever1 then8' and ,captain 
,gates looked at me curiously as he     
spoke4  ',of course ,i believed about   
,jesus ,christ1' ,i replied in a low    
voice1 'but ,i didn't believe in ,him4  
,i hadn't come to ,him and accepted my  

pardon at ,his hands4  ,i didn't        
understand that1 however good ,i might  
try to be1 ,i could never expect to     
enter heaven unless ,i was washed and   
cleansed by ,him4'  ,there was silence1 
and ,i was afraid ,i had been too       
outspoken4  ,then1 as we were passing a 
bush1 with the most lovely honeysuckle  
at the top of it1 ,i stopped and asked  
him if he would get me some4  ,this he  
willingly did1 and as he handed me some 
beautiful sprays of it said1--  ',there 
is no uncertain sound about your        
preaching1 ,miss ,thorn4  ,i believe you
 could do something with me if you were 
to try1 but your doctrines are strange  
to me1 and it will take me some time to 
get reconciled to them4  ,you must take 
me in hand2 will you8'  ,i looked up1   
and our eyes met4  ,again ,i wondered if
 he were sincere4  ',i think you will   
find all you need in the ,bible1' ,i    
said2 and then ,i changed the           
conversation4  ,a few minutes after we  
met some of the others1 and when we came

 down to the river's side ,violet seized
 hold of my arm4  ',hilda1 you come in  
our boat4  ,i had an awfully dull time  
of it coming here4  ,i think ,i was put 
in to act gooseberry1 and ,i'm not going
 to do it again4  ,do come6'  ',i will1 
of course1 if ,constance likes4'  ,and  
that was the order in which we came     
home1 for ,mrs4 ,forsyth never appeared 
at all4  ,i was not surprised when      
,nelly came to me the last thing at     
night1 as she was so fond of doing1 and 
announced1--  ',well1 it is all settled4
  ,constance and ,mr4 ,stroud are       
engaged1 and ,i wish her joy of him4    
,mother is pleased1 because he has a    
nice little property2 but ,i wouldn't   
have him for all the properties in      
creation4 ,he is a regular stick1 and   
hasn't a spark of fun in him4  ,i only  
hope he won't stay on here after next   
week4  ,both he and ,captain ,gates said
 they must go when the ,walkers'        
theatricals are over4'  ',is ,constance 
very happy about it8' ,i asked4  ',she  

seems to be1 in her way4  ,of course1   
everything is rose colour to-night4     
,hilda1 do you like ,captain ,gates8'   
',yes1 ,i like him pretty well1' ,i     
said4  ,nelly came up and put both hands
 on my shoulders4  ',now1 look me       
straight in the face1 and say that      
again4'  ',i don't know what you mean1' 
,i said1 confronting her steadily4      
',sometimes ,i wonder if you are as     
innocent as you appear1' ,nelly         
continued1 laughing4  ',but let me warn 
you of this3 he is a great flirt1 and   
tries it on with every girl he comes    
across4  ,kenneth asked him to-night    
downstairs if he thought a saint would  
make any man a good wife1 and ,i never  
saw him so put out4  ,he went off in a  
huff1 and ,kenneth said he thought he   
was hit at last4  ,what did you talk    
about1 ,hilda1 when you and he went off 
for your solitary ramble8'  ,i have     
always been told that ,i have an easy   
temper1 but ,nelly was never nearer     
making me really angry than she was that

 night4  ',i wish you would not speak   
so1 ,nelly1' ,i said1 flushing a little 
as ,i turned away from her2 ',i cannot  
bear that kind of talk2 as if you cannot
 be friendly to any one without having  
such motives ascribed to you4  ,captain 
,gates talks to me like any one else2 he
 is a little more polite to me than your
 brothers are1 that is the only         
difference4'  ',my dear1 how your eyes  
are flashing6  ,i shall begin to be     
quite frightened of you4  ,i didn't     
ascribe any motives to you1 but ,i only 
warned you to beware of ,captain ,gates4
  ,he told ,kenneth you were a          
bewitching little thing two days after  
he had first seen you1 and ,i think the 
fact of your being so different to the  
usual run of girls he sees fascinates   
him for the time4  ,i was going to      
advise you how to deal with him1 but    
really ,i hardly dare now4'  ',i don't  
mean to be cross1 ,nelly2 but ,i am     
tired1 and ,i want to be left alone4'   
,she laughed1 gave me a kiss1 and       

departed4  ,i sat down to my ,bible with
 my thoughts in a tumult4  ,i should    
have been stupid indeed if ,i had not   
seen that ,captain ,gates liked to pay  
me little attentions1 and his look as he
 handed me the honeysuckle that         
afternoon in the woods had made me      
shrink into myself1 for ,i realized that
 he was not only interested in the      
subject of our conversation1 but in me  
myself4  ,i had honestly felt glad that 
he wished to talk on serious subjects1  
and ,i had been praying for him a great 
deal that day4  ,now ,nelly's chaffing  
words had left their sting1 and ,i felt 
humiliated by being discussed downstairs
 so freely before them all4  ,my desires
 for ,captain ,gates' welfare were at an
 end4  ,i felt ,i could never talk to   
him again4  ,but when ,i went down on my
 knees1 and just spread the whole matter
 out in prayer1 and then waited in      
silence till the quiet and peace came   
back into my heart1 the case looked very
 different4  ,and1 turning over the     

leaves of my ,bible1 ,i was guided to   
this verse1 ',as every man hath received
 the gift1 even so minister the same one
 to another1 as good stewards of the    
manifold grace of ,god4'  ,yes2 ,i      
resolved that when opportunities were   
given to me of speaking a word for my   
,master1 ,i would take them gladly1 yet 
at the same time ,i would not seek to   
make them for myself1 especially in     
connection with ,captain ,gates4        
',dwell deep6' ,i said to myself4  ',i  
can let these little vexations and      
misunderstandings pass unnoticed2 they  
are like the breezes on the surface of a
 lake4  ,if ,i dwell below1 ,i shall    
enjoy the calm4'  ,the next day was     
,sunday1 and at three o'clock in the    
afternoon ,i found myself waiting in the
 vestry for my scholars4  ,they were not
 long after me4  ,first ,roddy1 with a  
shining face and a large bunch of asters
 from his mother's garden1 which he     
presented to me with great pride2 then  
two little girls in huge sun-bonnets1   

and very brown arms and legs1 named     
,hetty and ,polly ,tyke2 a very heavy1  
sleepy-looking boy about four years old1
 sucking a large piece of sugar-candy2  
and lastly ,jim ,carter and a big girl  
about his own age1 whom he held by the  
hand4  ',we thought you'd like if ,kitty
 was to come2 she's blind1 you see1 and 
has never been to no ,sunday ,school1   
because no one will take charge of her2 
they runs off after a time1 and then she
 comes to grief1 she do6'  ,i was a     
little nonplussed1 as ,i had only       
expected quite an infant class2 but ,i  
made the best of it1 and after singing a
 hymn that they all seemed to know ,i   
had a short prayer1 and then settled    
down to a ,bible story4  ,i took        
,samuel's first call1 made them each    
learn a little verse about it1 and then 
began to talk to them4  ,they were very 
quiet and listened almost breathlessly1 
but we had a few interruptions3 ,roddy  
suddenly nodded his head very violently 
towards me1 and burst forth in the      

middle of my talk1--',i'll bring you a  
robin's egg to-morrer1 a booful little  
egg for your breakfus6  ,i'll go in at  
the big gates all by myself1 and ,i'll  
knock at the big door with my stick1 and
 then won't you be very 'stonished6'  ,i
 hushed him1 and a few minutes after    
little ,tommy ,evans dropped his piece  
of sugar-candy1 and in bending down to  
pick it up1 overbalanced himself and    
fell with a crash to the ground2 of     
course he howled1 and ,i had to take him
 on my knee to pacify him4  ,but these  
little incidents did not lessen their   
interest in the ,bible story1 and when  
,i gave them each a little reward ticket
 at the close their delighted faces     
showed their appreciation of it all4    
,the hour over1 ,i dismissed them1 and  
after promising to come again the next  
,sunday with several fresh scholars1 the
 little ones scampered off4  ,jim       
politely offered to put the room tidy   
again1 and whilst he was doing it ,i    
drew the blind girl out into the church 

porch and had a little talk with her4   
,she told me her mother took in washing1
 and she helped her as much as she      
could4 ',for father's been dead this    
five years1 and grandfather's an old    
man1 and has rheumatics so bad in his   
knee he can't do no work1 so mother she 
keeps him2 ,i wasn't always blind1 ,i   
had scarlet fever when ,i was just on   
three years old1 but oh1 ,i does wish   
for my sight in the summer6'  ',you poor
 child6' ,i said pityingly1 'you must   
long to see the flowers1 ,i feel sure4' 
',teacher1' she said earnestly1 ',i like
 that about ,samuel2 ,i shall try and   
say softly sometimes1 ,speak1 ,lord1 for
 ,thy servant heareth4  ,he will speak1 
won't ,he8  ,i should like to hear ,his 
voice4'  ',you will1 ,kitty1 ,i know you
 will4  ,god wants to have you for ,his 
servant4  ,you give yourself to ,him1   
and ask for ,his ,holy ,spirit to teach 
you day by day4'  ,this short           
conversation sent me home with a happy  
heart4  ,i felt thankful that ,i had    

found some work1 and ,i resolved to     
visit the parents of each child during  
the week4  ,it was a very different     
atmosphere ,i came into a short time    
later4  ,tea on ,sunday afternoon was a 
time for visitors to drop in1 and the   
conversation seemed to me always on the 
most frivolous subjects4  ,constance and
 ,mr4 ,stroud had escaped and gone away 
into the garden by themselves1 and of   
course their engagement was being       
discussed as well as the gaieties of the
 coming week4  ,i got into a quiet      
corner and took my tea in silence1      
hoping ,i might be left unmolested1 but 
this was not to be4  ,a ,miss ,gordon1  
with a magnificent voice1 was singing as
 ,i entered1 and when she had finished  
,kenneth turned to me3 ',now1 ,goody    
,two-,shoes1 give us something from your
 violin4'  ,he invariably addressed me  
by that name now1 and ,i knew how vain  
it would be to protest against it4  ',oh
 yes1 ,miss ,thorn1' said ,miss ,gordon1
 'we have heard wonderful things of your

 playing2 you are quite a genius1 aren't
 you8'  ',no1' ,i said1 colouring a     
little1 ',i am certainly not that1      
though ,i am very fond of it2 ,i must   
ask you1 ,i am afraid1 to excuse my     
playing this afternoon4'  ',oh1 please  
play2 why won't you oblige us8'  ',i    
never use my violin on ,sunday4'  ,there
 was dead silence2 then a ,mrs4 ,parker1
 a young widow who had come with ,miss  
,gordon1 said1 ',but1 my dear ,miss     
,thorn1 play us something sacred1 of    
course4  ,i always consider the violin  
quite a ,sunday instrument4  ,in our    
village the chapel people have two going
 at every service they hold4  ,you      
surely cannot think it wicked to play it
 on ,sunday8'  ,no1' ,i said1 ',i don't 
think it is wicked1 but ,i would rather 
not do it4  ,i am sure you will not     
press me4'  ',she has just come back    
from ,sunday ,school1' said ,kenneth1   
looking across at me with a twinkle in  
his eye1 'and so she is doubly shocked  
with our levity4  ,i assure you1 ,mrs4  

,parker1 her religious scruples are such
 that ,i don't think she would pick a   
flower in the garden if you were to ask 
her to on the ,sabbath6  ,i rose from my
 seat1 for ,i had finished my tea1 and  
pointing to a crimson rose in my        
waist-belt ,i said half laughing2 ',i   
picked this as ,i came in this          
afternoon1' and then ,i left the room   
and went upstairs1 where ,i had a nice  
quiet hour by myself4  ,i felt quiet    
times alone were quite essential to me  
now1 otherwise ,i seemed to almost lose 
touch with the unseen things that were  
so dear to me4     ,,chapter ,,vi       
,,only ,a ,,friend        ',surely a    
woman's affection   ,is not a thing to  
be asked for1     and had for only the  
asking8--,longfellow4   ,wednesday      
evening came1 and all went off to ,lady 
,walker's except ,hugh and myself4  ,he 
seemed very rarely to go out with the   
others1 and was generally up in ,london 
several nights a week4  ,i had helped   
the girls to dress1 and had done all ,i 

could for them before they went1 but it 
had been a trying time4  ,general       
,forsyth had hardly spoken to me since  
he knew my decision was final1 and ,mrs4
 ,forsyth was continually referring to  
my foolishness4  ,so ,i was relieved    
when they were out of the house1 and    
quite enjoyed the quiet dinner with     
,hugh4  ,he certainly exerted himself to
 be agreeable1 and asked me if ,i would 
come upstairs and sit in his study after
 dinner4  ',bring your violin1' he said1
 'and if you will play nicely to me ,i  
will treat you to a glimpse of the      
heavens through my telescope4  ,it is a 
beautiful starry night4'  ,his study was
 a very comfortable-looking room1 with a
 large bay window overlooking the open  
country1 and ,i took up my position in  
front of it as ,i played to him4  ,i did
 not know he was so fond of music2 but  
as ,i laid my violin down ,i noticed how
 he was leaning back in his chair with a
 dreamy smile upon his face1 and drawing
 in a long breath1 he said1--  ',thank  

you4  ,i think that's a better class of 
entertainment than what is going on at  
the ,walkers' at present4  ,a low-level 
life there1 ,i consider1 and one only   
marvels at men and women spending their 
whole existence in such trifles3 time   
and talents utterly wasted1 and powers  
of intellect used and abused in the     
foolish chit-chat of society6'  ,he     
spoke so contemptuously that ,i looked  
up in surprise4  ',i think1' ,i said1   
'every one must have something to fill  
their life4 ,they are as much occupied  
in their gay sphere as you are in your  
literary one4'  ',or as you in your     
pious one6  ,quite true2 and ,i suppose 
we each think our own sphere            
immeasurably superior to any other4  ,i 
tell you honestly1 ,i have a contempt   
for the frivolous one1 and a pity for   
the religious4  ,i look at both from a  
higher platform4'  ',you place all your 
faith in man's intellect1' ,i said      
slowly2 'but religious people1 as you   
call them1 place their faith in the     

,creator of man's intellect4  ,i don't  
think you are on a higher platform than 
they2 you haven't got quite high        
enough4'  ,he made a movement of        
impatience in his chair1 then relapsed  
into his natural supercilious manner4   
',it is amusing to hear you air your    
views so dogmatically2 if you were      
versed in some of the literature of the 
present day1 and knew how many old-time 
notions and superstitions are           
disappearing under the full clear light 
of reason and science1 you would not    
speak so positively4 ,you must let me   
lend you a few books that may enlarge   
your thoughts and enlighten you on these
 subjects4'  ',no1 thank you1' ,i said  
quietly2 'you mustn't be vexed if ,i say
 again1 you don't rise high enough2 you 
read and study the works and production 
of men's brains1 but ,i go by ,god's own
 ,book1 and that is beyond and above    
them all4'  ,hugh laughed4  ',i never   
argue with women1 or ,i would show you  
how faulty your statements are4  ,but   

never mind4  ,i would rather see a girl 
take serious views of life than fritter 
it away as most do4  ,you mean well1 and
 live up to your light4  ,now would you 
like to have a look through my          
telescope8'  ,i assented2 but ,i could  
not help wondering how much or how      
little ,hugh really did believe4        
,nothing could be kinder than his       
explanations of the different planets   
and stars that we looked out upon1 and  
for a full hour ,i was engrossed in     
gazing at various constellations above4 
,i had always been interested in        
astronomy1 and ,hugh was very lucid as  
well as patient in giving me a great    
deal of fresh information4  ,i listened 
and gazed breathlessly1 and at last came
 away from the telescope with a         
deep-drawn breath of regret4  ',it is so
 lovely2 it seems to carry one quite    
away from earth altogether3 the infinite
 space stretching away and away4  ,oh1  
,mr4 ,forsyth1 you do not doubt the     
existence of ,god1 do you8'  ',no2 ,i   

believe in a ,supreme ,being4  ,i am not
 such an utter unbeliever as that4'  ',i
 should hardly think any one who studied
 astronomy could believe that the       
universe was made by chance4  ,isn't    
there some spot in the ,pleiades which  
is the centre of the whole solar system8
  ,i remember seeing some article about 
it once1 and ,i like to think of heaven 
there4'  ,he smiled1 but changed the    
conversation1 and we did not touch on   
serious subjects again4  ,when ,i prayed
 that night1 ,i especially remembered   
,hugh2 it seemed so sad to me that he   
was only using his intellect to try and 
discover flaws in the ,bible1 and prove 
to himself and others that some of the  
most important truths in ,christianity  
were only popular superstitions4  ,nelly
 had told me much about him2 for though 
he kept himself aloof a great deal from 
the girls1 every now and then he would  
unbend1 and1 as he had done this night1 
would take them into his study and      
interest them with his telescope and    

conversation4  ,but ,i resolved not to  
read any of his books4  ,i felt ,i dared
 not wilfully go into such temptation2  
and when1 as ,i was leaving him1 he     
asked me if ,i would like the loan of a 
few1 ,i answered1 ',no1 thank you1 ,i   
would rather not4  ,i am not a          
dissatisfied1 restless soul that is     
seeking for the truth4  ,i have found   
it1 and am happy in it4'  ',you are a   
very self-satisfied soul1 at all        
events1' he said4  ,i coloured up1 for  
,i had been feeling a little            
self-righteous as ,i mentally condemned 
him for his free-thinking opinions4  ',i
 ought not to be satisfied1' ,i said in 
a contrite voice1 'with self2 but ,i am 
satisfied with ,christ4'  ,and then ,i  
left him4  ,nelly was very full of the  
delightful evening they had spent1 when 
,i saw her the next morning1 and ,i     
listened and tried to take an interest  
in her account1 for ,i knew how she     
loved to talk about such things2 but ,i 
heard nothing to make me regret my      

choice4  ',captain ,gates left us that  
afternoon4  ,as he was wishing us all   
good-bye1 he turned to me and said3     
',you will see me over here in another  
three weeks1 for ,i am coming to the    
dance here then1 so this will not be a  
long good-bye4'  ,then1 as he shook     
hands with me1 he lowered his voice1 and
 said earnestly1 ',i shall not forget   
our talks together1 ,miss ,thorn4  ,i   
have been most interested1 and ,i       
honestly tell you1 ,i should like to    
have the happiness and satisfaction that
 you get out of your religion4  ,i don't
 know if ,i shall ever get it2 but you  
will give me a thought sometimes1 won't 
you8'  ',if you read the ,bible1 ,i am  
sure you will find what you need there1'
 ,i said4  ,we were very quiet for the  
next week or two2 ,i began visiting my  
,sunday scholars in their homes1 and    
started reading-lessons with ,jim4  ,we 
went out into the fields1 and under the 
shade of some old tree would spend many 
a quiet half-hour4  ,he was so anxious  

and eager to learn that ,i did not find 
his dullness trying1 and though progress
 seemed very slow1 it was sure1 for what
 he once learnt he did not easily       
forget4  ,jim's uncle1 ,roger ,carter1  
was quite a character1 and he dearly    
loved me to drop in and have a chat with
 him4  ,he was a good old man1 and      
generally asked me to have a bit of     
reading or a prayer with him before ,i  
left4 ,and when he discovered that ,i   
played on the violin1 nothing would     
pacify him until ,i had brought it down 
and given him a tune4  ',ah1' he said1  
drawing a long breath1 'that's something
 like moosic1 that is4  ,i know the     
right sort when ,i heers it4  ,i've got 
a ear for it1 though ,i've not the      
hands4  ,i plays my toones on these 'ere
 boots and shoes4'  ,and he laughed as  
he looked up at me through his shaggy   
eyebrows4  ,the day came for the        
,forsyths' dance4  ,i had asked ,mrs4   
,forsyth quietly if she would mind my   
keeping in my own room and not appearing

 at all2 but this she would not hear of1
 and ,i felt myself that it would be a  
difficult thing to do4  ,i longed to go 
away somewhere for a few days1 and so   
miss it2 but my old cousin in ,london   
had gone abroad1 and ,i had very few old
 friends4  ,so ,i determined to make no 
fuss about it1 and trusted that ,i      
should be able to escape notice in the  
crowd1 and slip away by myself when the 
dancing began4  ,i told ,nelly          
positively that if ,i was present ,i    
would not dance4  ,she laughed at me1   
and assured me ,i would change my mind  
when the time came4  ,i did not realize 
what a large affair it would be1 and ,i 
must honestly confess as the time drew  
near ,i felt a certain pleasurable      
excitement in all the preparations for  
it4  ,a large marquee was put up on the 
lawn1 and ,i with the others helped in  
decorating and draping it inside4 ,a    
regimental band was coming1 and ,nelly  
assured me with pride1--  ',our autumn  
ball is the event of the year4  ,you    

will see that everybody will be here4'  
,and so at last the evening arrived4    
,both ,nelly and ,i were in soft white  
silk2 and when ,mrs4 ,forsyth came into 
my room to inspect my dress before going
 down1 she said kindly1--  ',you look   
very nice1 child4  ,now ,i hope you are 
going to enjoy yourself like other      
girls1 and not let silly scruples lead  
you into doing anything that will       
displease ,general ,forsyth4'  ',i am   
not going to dance1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth1' ,i 
said1 flushing as ,i spoke4  ,she left  
my room without replying1 and then      
kneeling down1 ,i asked to be kept and  
guided throughout the evening4  ,i found
 great comfort in the verse1 ',i pray   
not that ,thou shouldest take them out  
of the world1 but that ,thou shouldest  
keep them from the evil4'  ,and on my   
knees ,i asked that ,i might not only be
 kept from joining in the gaiety1 but   
from wishing to join in it1 for ,i felt 
how little ,i knew my own heart4 ,all   
that day ,i had had longings to throw   

myself heart and soul into everything1  
as ,nelly intended doing2 and ,i found  
myself wondering if there would be very 
much harm in doing so4  ,an hour later  
and ,i was in the midst of it4  ,the    
first one who made his way to me was    
,captain ,gates4  ',i want you to give  
me a waltz1' he said4  ',we have danced 
together before1 so don't say ,no4  ,i  
have been looking forward to it4'  ,i   
shook my head4  ',i can see from your   
face1 ,captain ,gates1 that you know    
what my answer will be4  ,i think you   
would be very surprised if ,i were to do
 it4'  ',i assure you ,i shouldn't be1' 
he responded2 'there's no earthly       
difference in dancing now and dancing a 
week or two ago4  ,it is the same       
partner and the same place4  ,come1     
don't make my evening an unpleasant one 
by refusing6'  ',i should not do that in
 any case1' ,i answered2 'there are     
plenty of other partners in the room for
 you4'  ',i will not dance with any of  
them if ,i cannot dance with you4'  ,i  

looked up in surprise2 there was        
suppressed vehemence in his tone2 he    
went on1--  ',will you come out upon the
 terrace with me8  ,i--,i want to speak 
to you4'  ,i hesitated1 and wanted to   
refuse1 but ,i had a longing to get out 
into the cool air1 and ,i did not       
realize at the time what it might lead  
to4  ,so throwing a light shawl over my 
head ,i stepped out upon the terrace1   
and then suddenly he overwhelmed me with
 surprise and consternation by telling  
me that he cared for me1 and asking if  
,i could return his love4  ',i am very1 
very sorry1' ,i faltered2 'but you have 
known me such a little while that ,i    
never dreamt of such a thing4  ,i can   
hardly believe you are in earnest even  
now4'  ',do ,i look as if ,i were       
trifling8' he said earnestly4  ',miss   
,thorn1 you have the making of me in    
your hands4  ,i have led a useless kind 
of life up to the present1 and ,i have  
for a long time been dissatisfied and   
restless about it4  ,i see you have what

 ,i have not1 and ,i want your help4  ,i
 do want a good woman as my wife--,i    
feel she could raise my life to a higher
 level1 and you could do this for me4'  
',i cannot1' ,i said gravely4  ',no one 
can do that but ,god4'  ,he went on     
without heeding me1--  ',don't think ,i 
am asking you only to be my reformer--,i
 would give you love in return4  ,you   
don't know what you are to me6  ,i      
cannot get your image out of my heart4  
,don't steel yourself against me1 but   
try1 do just try1 to like me4'  ',i like
 you as a friend very much1' ,i replied1
 trying to speak gently1 for ,i could   
see he was very much moved4  ',you have 
been most kind to me ever since ,i came2
 ,i am only so sorry that ,i cannot     
think of you in any other light4'  ',a  
friend6' he exclaimed impetuously2 ',i  
don't want that4  ,ah6 ,miss ,thorn1 you
 are so desirous of doing good and      
spending your life in ministering to    
others1 and yet when an opportunity     
comes of really benefiting a human      

creature and of making him into a good  
man1 you turn away in scorn4  ,if you   
will have nothing to say to me1 you will
 send me from bad to worse6'  ',oh1     
,captain ,gates6' and tears that ,i     
could not keep back started to my eyes1 
'you know it is not in scorn ,i am      
acting so4  ,but it wouldn't be for our 
good if ,i were to say ,yes4  ,i have   
not any love to give you1 and ,i know   
myself better than you do4  ,if ,i loved
 you1 ,i would not dare to link my life 
with yours4  ,forgive me for saying it4 
,i am not strong enough to lead you2 ,i 
should be led by you4  ,you do not know 
what a weak creature ,i am4  ,as it is1 
,i feel ,i am safe1 for ,i put my trust 
in ,god1 and ,he keeps me2 but ,i would 
not dare to place myself in a position  
of temptation and then expect ,him to   
keep me in it4'  ',really you must have 
a very low opinion of me4  ,what kind of
 a life do you think ,i lead8  ,i want  
to do better1 ,i want to be an          
out-and-out ,christian4  ,and ,i want   

you to help me to become one4'  ',hilda6
 out here8  ,i am so warm that ,i shall 
come and join you4  ,how delicious the  
air is6'  ,it was ,nelly who cut our    
conversation short1 and ,i was very     
thankful to make my escape4  ,i felt ,i 
must be alone1 and hastened away to my  
own room4     ,,chapter ,,vii  ,a       
,,fresh ,,acquaintance    ',i say       
,just what ,i think1 and   ,nothing more
 or less4'--,longfellow4   ,i was not   
missed that night1 and no one came near 
me4  ,with my ,bible on my knees1 ,i    
felt quite convinced that ,i had acted  
rightly1 and ,i was thankful that beyond
 a sincere liking for ,captain ,gates as
 a friend ,i had no other feeling to    
make my decision a hard matter4         
,inexperienced as ,i was1 ,i knew no    
,christian ought to yoke themselves with
 another1 with only the hope of helping 
them heavenwards in view4  ,and ,i felt 
that if ,i were to love any one1 it must
 be one who could help and lead me in   
the right way1 and who was an older and 

a better ,christian than ,i was myself4 
,but ,i was sorry for ,captain ,gates1  
and wrote him a little note that same   
night1 for ,i was afraid lest the       
interruption to our conversation should 
give him the excuse for continuing the  
subject when another opportunity offered
 itself1 and that ,i wanted to avoid4   
,the next morning ,i went to ,mrs4      
,forsyth's boudoir1 and finding her     
alone told her of what had passed the   
night before4  ,she was much surprised1 
and not altogether pleased4  ',i ought  
to have looked after you better1' she   
said1 'but ,captain ,gates has seemed   
more like a brother to my girls4  ,he   
was brought up with the boys1 and has   
looked upon this as his second home4  ,i
 noticed1 of course1 how attentive he   
was to you2 but it is his way with most 
fresh acquaintances1 and ,i never       
dreamed of it leading to anything       
serious4 ,why1 he has no prospects      
beyond his pay and a trifling allowance 
from his father6  ,what could he be     

dreaming of8'  ,i listened1 but said    
nothing1 only wondered at the different 
views people took of things4  ,mrs4     
,forsyth's reason for my refusal of him 
was so very far apart from mine4  ,the  
ball was a theme of conversation for    
many days after1 and ,i was thankful    
that my absence from it had been so     
little noticed4  ,but1 as time went on1 
my life seemed to get very difficult4   
,i think ,i had naturally a bright      
disposition1 and so in the first        
freshness of my surroundings did not    
mind the little disagreeables attending 
my 'strait-laced views1' as ,nelly      
called them4  ,when ,captain ,gates had 
left us1 our gaiety did not cease2 ,i   
seemed to be continually in opposition  
to my guardian1 and after bearing a good
 deal of grave displeasure from him1 and
 light scorn from the rest1 ,i was      
finally left in peace to go my way      
alone1 with the sense of being in       
perpetual disgrace1 and being shunned   
and avoided by most of the girls'       

friends4  ,this ,i could not help       
feeling acutely--,i longed to be friends
 with every one2 and many a tear was    
shed in the privacy of my own room1 as  
,i would see a merry party leave the    
house bound on some excursion--perhaps a
 simple water picnic--to which ,i had   
not been asked1 on account of my        
'peculiar ideas4'  ,then it was ,i      
sought to 'dwell deep1' and found       
increasing comfort in studying my little
 ,bible4  ,i was not dull1 for ,i       
visited much in the village4  ,my       
,sunday class increased1 and my little  
scholars were a perpetual source of     
enjoyment to me4  ,i went for walks with
 ,violet and her governess1 and when    
feeling lonely would often take my      
violin up to my room and enjoy an hour  
or two there in quiet4  ,sometimes ,hugh
 would ask me to come in and play to    
him1 and as the evenings drew in ,i     
often went to him for an hour before    
dinner4  ,he really was fond of music1  
and would lean back in his chair and    

thoroughly enjoy it4  ,i tried to make  
myself as pleasant to every one as ,i   
could3 ,i helped ,mrs4 ,forsyth in her  
gardening1 which was her particular     
hobby2 ,i ran errands for the girls1 and
 made a point of obliging them in every 
way possible2 ,i practised my violin    
with ,violet1 and was always ready for  
an outdoor scramble with her when ,miss 
,graham was not able to accompany us2   
and in filling up my days with these    
occupations ,i learnt to be content and 
happy4  ',you are a good little thing1  
,hilda1' ,nelly said one day to me1 as  
,i was handing her back a pair of gloves
 ,i had been mending for her4  ',i      
sometimes think we are very horrid to   
you4  ,i wish you weren't so awfully    
religious2 but ,i will say this for you1
 that you practise what you preach1 and 
your religion seems to suit you4  ,i am 
sure1 though you haven't half the fun   
that ,i have1 you always look as bright 
and jolly as you can be4  ,how do you   
manage it8'  ',i try to dwell deep1' ,i 

said2 and ,nelly laughingly rejoined as 
she left me1--  ',i am sure you are     
deeper than ,i am4  ,i like to skim the 
surface as ,i go through life2 one gets 
the cream that way4'  ,it was a bright  
,october morning4  ,i had been picking  
some late roses on the lawn close to the
 house1 and with my hands full of those 
and some lovely sprays of red and       
gold-coloured leaves was just entering  
the hall door1 when a strange voice made
 me turn round4  ',is ,mrs4 ,forsyth at 
home8'  ,it was a lady who spoke1 in    
clear1 brisk tones2 she was not very    
young1 and wore a severely plain dress3 
a round felt hat like a man's1 with two 
or three crow's feathers stuck in       
carelessly at the side1 a thick pair of 
leather gauntlets1 and carried a walking
 stick in her hand4  ,i was answering in
 the affirmative1 when suddenly down    
came her hand on my shoulder4  ',are you
 ,hilda ,thorn8'  ',yes1' ,i said1      
quietly meeting a searching look from   
two keen dark eyes under very thick     

eyebrows4  ',and you are indeed1 ,i     
hear1 a veritable thorn in the side of  
my poor sister4  ,i am glad to have met 
you4  ,now take me to her4'  ,her quick1
 imperative tones awed me4  ,i had heard
 ,nelly talk about an aunt of theirs1 a 
,miss ,rayner1 who was a strong-minded  
and peculiar woman1 and ,i rightly      
conjectured that this must be she4  ,we 
found ,mrs4 ,forsyth in her own         
sitting-room1 busy with accounts1 and ,i
 fancied she did not look well pleased  
at the advent of the visitor4  ',well1  
,helen1' she said1 rising from her seat1
 'you are home again1 then4 ,i thought  
you were still in ,america4  ,this is   
quite a surprise4'  ',i don't take long 
over business1 and ,i am not one to let 
the grass grow under my feet4  ,i have  
been making acquaintance with this young
 person4 ,why1 ,maria1 she is a mere    
baby6'  ,i beat a retreat hastily1 and  
finding ,nelly practising a song in the 
drawing-room1 told her of the arrival4  
',aunt ,helen6 my goodness6 won't mother

 be in a fuss6  ,she pays us periodical 
visits to set us all straight4  ,isn't  
she a cure1 ,hilda8  ,i'm always        
expecting to see her walk in rigged out 
in a sporting costume--knickerbockers   
and all4  ,she wears a greatcoat in     
winter exactly like a man's4'  ',she has
 a handsome face1' ,i said1 'and ,i like
 her short grey hair2 it seems to suit  
her4  ,she must be quite six foot1      
,nelly1 isn't she8'  ',yes1 half an inch
 over1 ,i think4  ,what did she say to  
you8'  ',she told your mother ,i was a  
mere baby4'  ,nelly burst out laughing4 
',that's better than being called an    
empty-pated noodle1 as ,i was1 the last 
time ,i was addressed by her4  ,now ,i  
wonder if she is going to stay to lunch2
 did she say8'  ',i did not hear her4   
,where does she live8'  ',only about    
fifteen miles from here1 but we do not  
often meet4  ,she is quite a character4 
,do you know what her hobby is8         
,rearing poultry4  ,she keeps what she  
calls a chicken farm1 and sends her eggs

 and fowls up to ,london4  ,in the      
winter she uses incubators1 and has     
broods of chickens all the year round4  
,her farm is quite a sight worth seeing4
  ,i believe she has lots of visitors   
from all parts1 and she prides herself  
upon having all the latest improvements4
  ,she has just been over to ,chicago   
about an incubator2 they are always     
adding improvements1 she says1 and she  
went over to see it properly worked4'   
',but does she do this from mercenary   
motives8' ,i asked4  ',oh no4  ,she is  
very comfortably off2 it is just her    
hobby1 but ,i believe she makes money   
over it4  ,she is a clever woman1 and   
hates society4  ,she must do something  
with her life1 ,i suppose4  ,i believe  
she has a love story1 but mother will   
never tell2 she always says1 ,it was not
 for the lack of suitors that your aunt 
has remained single4'  ,i was interested
 in this account of ,miss ,rayner1 and  
when we met at luncheon ,i found my eyes
 continually wandering in her direction4

  ,she talked well1 and was most        
amusing1 though her sarcastic speeches  
and scornful curl of the lip rather     
spoilt the conversation1 ,i thought4    
,she took no notice of me1 and so ,i was
 greatly astonished1 when she was       
bidding us all good-bye shortly after   
lunch1 to see her give a quick nod at me
 and say1  ',i shall see you shortly4   
,you are coming over to stay with me the
 end of next week4  ,don't bring a lot  
of evening toggery1 for you will not see
 a soul except myself4'  ,seeing my     
surprised looks1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth said1-- 
',i have not asked her if she would like
 to go yet4'  ',oh1 she will come fast  
enough1' responded ,miss ,rayner        
sharply4  ',she has been listening      
quietly and drawing her own conclusions 
about me during luncheon1 and she thinks
 ,i am queer1 but that ,i am different  
to most folks4  ,novelty has a charm for
 the young4  ,au revoir1 ,miss ,thorn4' 
,she gave me a little mocking bow1      
kissed ,mrs4 ,forsyth1 waved her hand to

 the others1 and was gone before ,i     
could recover from my surprise at this  
sudden announcement4  ,i turned to ,mrs4
 ,forsyth for an explanation1 but she   
merely said1  ',miss ,rayner has invited
 you over to her place for a week or    
two4  ,of course it remains with you    
whether you would like to go or not4    
,nelly has stayed with her once or      
twice2 so she can tell you whether you  
will be likely to enjoy yourself there4'
  ',but she never asked me1 mother1'    
said ,nelly4  ',i only went there in a  
convalescent state after an attack of   
measles4  ,she must have taken a        
wonderful fancy to ,hilda to ask her4'  
,visions of my ,sunday scholars floated 
before me1 and ,i said hesitatingly1--  
',i don't know that ,i care about going1
 ,mrs4 ,forsyth4  ,she is a perfect     
stranger to me1 and ,i am quite happy   
here4'  ',i think the change will be    
good for you1' said ,mrs4 ,forsyth1 'and
 it has come at the right time1 for ,i  
think of taking the two girls up to     

,london for three weeks4  ,miss         
,forsyth1 their aunt1 has asked us4     
,she extended the invitation to you2 but
 unless you behave differently there to 
what you do with us1 ,i really could not
 undertake to have the charge of you4   
,she lays herself out for the pleasure  
of young people in her house1 and you   
could hardly accept her hospitality if  
you refused to take part in every       
entertainment that was provided for     
you4'  ',no1' ,i said quietly1 ',i am   
afraid ,i should only be a wet blanket  
if ,i went4  ,i will go to ,miss        
,rayner's if you wish1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth4  
,perhaps you would rather ,i went to her
 than stay quietly at home8'  ',i       
certainly should6'  ,and so the matter  
was settled4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth and the    
girls left the room1 but ,i stood for a 
moment at the window looking out into   
the garden4  ,i felt the sting of ,mrs4 
,forsyth's words2 she did not often hint
 so plainly what a trouble ,i was to    
her1 and though ,i knew it was true1 it 

gave me a lonely1 desolate feeling1 and 
,i wondered how ,i could always bear it4
 ,tears came to my eyes1 and then       
suddenly ,kenneth's voice broke in1     
',crying1 ,goody8  ,what's the matter8' 
,i had not noticed he was in the room1  
and hastily controlled myself4  ,his    
light1 bantering tone jarred upon me1   
but ,i answered1 trying to laugh1       
',nothing2 ,i am silly1 that is all4'   
',i don't think you can want to go to   
wicked ,london1 do you8' he pursued1 as 
he threw himself back into an easy chair
 and surveyed me meditatively4 ',do you 
think you are being banished to ,miss   
,rayner's as a punishment8'  ',of course
 not4  ,i--,i am only sorry that ,i vex 
your mother so4'  ',you have the remedy 
in your own hands4  ,but ,i suppose you 
get a good deal of pleasure out of the  
consciousness of your own superiority to
 us all1 and that solaces and supports  
you through everything4'  ',you know    
that is not so6' ,i said1 and my tone   
was indignant4  ,he laughed4  ',you     

mustn't get angry1 you know2 that is not
 saintly4  ,are you frightened of our   
respected aunt8'  ',no1 not frightened1 
but ,i am not fond of making fresh      
acquaintances1 and sometimes ,i feel    
that there is no place for me here2 if  
only ,i had a home of my own6'  ',i     
think ,i can manage that for you1' was  
,kenneth's reply4  ',let me send a line 
to ,gates2 ,i will tell him you are     
relenting4'  ,i ignored this speech1 and
 continued3 ',you know what ,i mean4    
,if my parents had lived1 it would have 
been so different4  ,not that ,i have   
anything to complain of4  ,no one could 
be kinder than ,general and ,mrs4       
,forsyth4  ,i am only sorry that ,i have
 disappointed them so6'  ,kenneth was   
silent for a moment1 then he said       
cheerfully1 ',look here6  ,i am not     
going up to town1 so ,i promise to ride 
over and see you while you are with my  
aunt4  ,then you can tell me if she is  
bullying you4  ,you need not stay there 
if you do not like it4'  ,i laughed4    

',perhaps ,i shall like her so much that
 ,i shall not want to come back here4   
,but ,i shall be very glad to see you if
 you come4'     ,,chapter ,,viii        
,,drawn ,,together    ',as we meet and  
touch each day   ,the many travellers on
 our way1   ,let every such brief       
contact be   ,a glorious helpful        
ministry4'   ,i have a very pleasant    
recollection of my arrival at ,miss     
,rayner's home4  ,it was a lovely       
afternoon1 bright and sunny1 with a     
touch of frost in the air1 when ,i      
reached the little country station4     
,there was a trap waiting for me        
outside1 in charge of a garrulous old   
coachman who was quite a character4     
,when he had seen to my luggage and     
wrapped a fur rug round me1 ,i noticed  
him taking a sidelong glance at me1 and 
then he commenced1 ',you're a fresh     
h'arrival here1 ,i reckon1 miss4  ,we   
don't so h'often have young lady        
visitors4'  ',you have had one of the   
,miss ,forsyths1' ,i said4  ',well--yes1

 we have1 h'and ,i don't see much harm  
in her4  ,she's flighty1 but she's      
young1 h'and time will mend that4       
,h'are you closely h'intimated with the 
mistress8'  ,i smiled4  ',no1 ,i cannot 
say that1' ,i answered1 'but ,i hope to 
be soon4'  ,he shook his head           
doubtfully4  ',she's no h'ordinary      
female4  ,hi'm no great lover of the    
weaker sex1 but hi'll say this for ,miss
 ,helen1 h'and ,i've known her from the 
time ,i took her h'out h'on her first   
pony1 she's a deal more sensibility than
 many h'of h'us men6  ,i h'often says to
 ,susan1 who h'is a poor h'useless body 
with a very long tongue1 h'and it's     
h'only the mistress's kindness to keep  
such h'an h'old pottering body h'on1 for
 she's h'always making an h'ado about   
nothing4  ,i says1 ,susan1 the mistress 
h'is h'almost h'equal to a master1 and  
that's saying a good deal4  ,she holds  
herself high1 and she's h'impatient like
 of women folks2 but she has a proper   
respect for me that has been in the     

family so long1 and though it is        
laughable how she thinks she has me in  
leading-strings and manages me          
h'entirely1 ,i h'affords her that       
pleasure1 h'and goes my h'own way4  ,ah6
  ,she's a fine woman1 ,miss ,helen is6'
  ,with these and similar remarks he    
beguiled my drive1 and though ,i smiled 
at the self-importance of his tone1 ,i  
could tell that he was an attached and  
faithful servant4  ,we stopped at length
 at a gate1 drove through it up a short 
avenue of limes1 and then came to one of
 the prettiest old-fashioned farmhouses 
that ,i have ever been in4  ,it was a   
long1 low gable-roofed house1 with      
latticed casements1 and autumn-tinted   
creepers covering the old grey stone and
 porch4  ,the door was open1 and two    
large dogs darted out to welcome us4    
,when ,i stepped inside a cheery-looking
 old woman appeared in a very large cap 
and apron4  ',miss ,thorn1 isn't it1 my 
dear8  ,the mistress was called out on a
 matter of business1 and she asked me to

 make you comfortable4  ,come this way1 
miss2 you'll be glad of a bit of a fire 
after your cold drive8'  ,she led me    
through the square hall1 wainscoted up  
to the ceiling with old oak1 and having 
an oaken staircase with very thick      
balustrades on either side going up from
 the middle of it1 into a long1 low room
 which1 with crimson druggeting on the  
floor1 and the same coloured curtains to
 the windows1 looked very cosy and      
bright in the firelight4  ,she left me  
saying she would bring in tea1 and ,i1  
seating myself in an easy chair by the  
fire1 spread out my feet in front of the
 blaze1 and looked about me curiously4  
,comfort certainly was more studied than
 elegance in this room4  ,no flimsy     
draperies or works of art adorned the   
chairs and couches4  ,a small square oak
 table stood in the centre of the room4 
,on it was a beautiful chrysanthemum1   
some magazines and papers1 and a pair of
 riding gloves thrown carelessly down4  
,two large crimson-covered couches      

occupied the deep recesses on either    
side of the fire place4  ,a well-filled 
bookcase stood opposite between the     
pretty casement windows1 and a stand of 
ferns at the end of the room was in     
front of another window1 through which  
,i could catch a glimpse of some distant
 hills and the setting sun disappearing 
behind them4 ,the walls1 like the hall1 
were wainscoted with old oak1 but some  
beautiful water-colours and old china   
relieved their somewhat sombre hue4     
,the old servant soon returned1 wheeling
 in a round table up to the fire1 and   
bringing in a tempting-looking tea with 
plenty of hot cakes and scones4  ',help 
yourself1 miss1' she said1 in a motherly
 sort of tone2 'the mistress may be out 
some time yet4  ,i hope you didn't find 
the open trap cold4  ,john1 he will have
 his way sometimes1 but ,i said to him  
you would have been better with the     
closed wagonette4  ,i hope ,john didn't 
make too free1 miss8  ,he has a longer  
tongue1 ,i tell him1 than any woman's2  

but he has seen a deal of life6  ,he was
 ,london born and bred1 and goes up     
every year to visit his friends there4  
,he's getting old now1 as ,i am myself2 
but though he speaks sharp1 he's as easy
 to be managed as a baby4  ,any one can 
twist him round with their little       
finger1 so long as they just flatter him
 a bit4'  ,how ,i laughed to myself when
 she left me1 and wondered when they    
both got together whose tongue was the  
longest6  ,i enjoyed the tea provided   
for me1 and liked the quiet and         
solitude--such a contrast to the        
,forsyths' afternoon meal4  ,then1 as no
 one came1 a sudden longing took        
possession of me to try my violin4  ,the
 dusky twilight1 and the fire flickering
 over the quaint1 old-fashioned room1   
seemed to bring me into a world of      
fancy4  ,i had my violin with me1 as ,i 
would never trust my case in any other  
hand but mine1 and so1 slipping off my  
jacket1 ,i was soon in a dream1 playing 
on and on without a thought of my       

present surroundings4  ,i don't know how
 long ,i played1 but as the last note   
died away a brisk voice said from the   
further side of the room1--  ',bravo6   
,i like to hear any one play without    
being conscious of listeners4'  ,i      
started4  ,it was ,miss ,rayner1 leaning
 back in an easy chair1 who spoke2 but  
when ,i apologised for making myself so 
at home1 she said sharply1 ',tut1 child6
  ,no company manners here1 or ,i shall 
wish you away4  ,now ,i want some tea4  
,how long have you been here8'  ,i told 
her1 and then she said1  ',and what do  
you think of my invitation8  ,are you   
pleased to be here8'  ',yes1 ,i think ,i
 am1' ,i said honestly4  ',i was a      
little shy about it at first2 but now ,i
 have come1 it seems so restful and     
quiet4'  ',that's because ,i was out1'  
she said1 with a short laugh2 'but ,i   
will allow it is a quieter house than   
the one you have left4  ,when do they   
leave for town8'  ',to-morrow4'  ',and  
are you longing to be with them8'       

,there was a quizzical gleam in her eye1
 as my gaze met hers4  ',no1' ,i said a 
little gravely2 'they would rather be   
without me1 and ,i should not be happy  
with them4'  ',you evidently do not     
shake in well with them4  ,ah1 well6  ,i
 will not catechise you too closely the 
first evening4  ,i shall soon find out  
what your special fads and crotchets    
are4  ,now1 would you like to come      
upstairs to your room8  ,i dine at      
half-past seven1 and it is nearly seven 
now4  ,have you made friends with       
,susan8  ,i call her my                 
maid-of-all-work--she was my mother's   
maid years ago1 and has stuck to me ever
 since4  ,i have a very small           
establishment1 as you perceive4 ,susan  
is house1 parlour1 and lady's-maid all  
in one1 with only a young girl to help  
her4  ,john is coachman1 groom1 and     
gardener combined1 and an old cook      
completes our household4'  ',but who    
helps in the--the poultry farm8' ,i     
asked1 as ,i followed her up the        

old-fashioned staircase4  ',i keep a man
 and a boy for that part of the         
business2 they sleep out of the house4' 
,she led me into a pretty little room   
with a very deep window seat4  ,it was  
furnished simply1 but comfortably1      
though quite devoid of all knick-knacks4
  ,when ,i was alone1 ,i just knelt down
 and asked that even here ,i might be   
given some work to do1 and1 above all1  
that ,i might not be ashamed to own my  
,master4  ,miss ,rayner appeared at     
dinner in a severe black silk made      
perfectly plain2 she glanced at my      
lighter costume as we took our seats at 
the table1 and said1--  ',how many of   
those flimsy gowns have you brought with
 you8  ,i told you ,i should have no    
company4'  ',i have only one other with 
me1' ,i replied meekly4  ',i think girls
 spend more money on evening dresses    
than any other object1 and generally    
look the worse for them1' she continued4
  ',why on earth women shouldn't have a 
universal dress suit1 like the men1 ,i  

can't imagine4'  ',you do not mean the  
same as the men's8' ,i said1 laughing4  
',the same in colour1 if not in cut1'   
she said briskly4  ',black and white    
would be suitable for young and old1 and
 the variety of face would be more      
noticeable1 instead of as now1 the      
variety of dress4'  ,and then she turned
 to other subjects1 giving me an amusing
 account of her last visit to ,chicago1 
and the people she had been introduced  
to there4  ,when dinner was over we went
 back to the drawing-room1 and without  
further preface she said1--  ',and now  
just tell me why you are giving my poor 
dear sister such trouble8  ,it's enough 
to turn her hair grey1 from her own     
account6'  ,her tone was mocking1 and ,i
 hesitated in complying with her        
request4  ',are you afraid of me8' she  
said1 with a little laugh1 after a      
minute's silence4  ,i looked her full in
 the face4  ',no1 ,i don't think ,i am2 
but ,i am afraid you will not           
understand4'  ',my intellect may not be 

quite so keen and bright as yours1 but  
if you try to use very simple language1 
perhaps ,i may be able to grasp your    
meaning4'  ,i coloured1 and said        
confusedly1 ',i am very sorry ,i am     
vexing ,mrs4 ,forsyth so4  ,i did not   
know when ,i came to live with ,general 
,forsyth that it would be so difficult4 
,i don't care for gaiety1 and don't wish
 to be drawn into it2 and they want me  
to be the same as their daughters4  ,it 
is their kindness that makes it so hard 
to hold out against their wishes4'      
',and are you living only to please     
yourself8'  ',i hope not1' ,i said      
slowly1 as ,i took in the drift of her  
question2 'it is because ,i don't want  
to live for self that ,i feel it right  
to act so4'  ,miss ,rayner smiled a     
little contemptuously1 ,i fancied4      
',oh1 you young girls6' was all she     
said2 but her tone silenced me4  ,after 
a few minutes1 she said3 ',and when did 
you come to the conclusion that you had 
a soul above the frivolities of this    

world8'  ',does that conclusion seem    
very absurd to you1 ,miss ,rayner8'     
,she looked at me with an odd kind of   
smile4  ',i believe you could be a      
little spitfire if you liked1' she said4
  ',you must remember ,i have lived a   
little longer in the world than you     
have4  ,and ,i have met with young girls
 of something the same stamp as         
yourself1 who ran away from home duties 
to visit in the slums1 and because they 
despise men of the world1 lavish all    
their love and adoration on a           
wishy-washy curate1 who very often      
encourages them1 and then gives them the
 slip in the end1 sending them back to  
their homes sadder and wiser women4  ,my
 sister has cause for thankfulness that 
there is no curate in her parish4'      
',miss ,rayner1 ,i don't think ,i quite 
deserve that1' ,i said4  ,she laughed4  
',i am very rude and plain-spoken4  ,you
 must put up with that if you come to   
stay with me4  ,i did promise not to    
catechise you the first evening1 didn't 

,i8  ,but the temptation proves too     
strong4  ,i have had a lot of           
disagreeable business to-day1 and now ,i
 feel ,i want relaxation and amusement4'
  ',why have you given up going out into
 society8' ,i asked4  ',ah6  ,now you   
are turning the tables on me4  ,but ,i  
have lived my life--you have yours yet  
to come4  ,can you give me any clear    
reason why you should be different to   
the ,forsyths8  ,is it a matter of      
principle8 ,if so1 what is the          
principle8'  ',be not conformed to this 
world1' ,i said1 in a low voice1 but a  
steady one2 ',come out from among them1 
and be ye separate4  ,those are two     
commands ,i am trying to obey1 ,miss    
,rayner4'  ',why8' was the curt inquiry4
  ',because ,i belong to ,christ1 and ,i
 want to carry out ,his wishes4'  ',i   
don't think ,christ shunned society4    
,if ,i remember my ,bible rightly1 ,he  
did quite the reverse4'  ',he would not 
have been found in the fashionable      
,roman ,court society1' ,i said4  ',i   

don't know much of the world1 ,miss     
,rayner2 perhaps that is why ,i feel1 if
 ,i went right into every sort of gaiety
 ,i should not be able to stop myself4  
,i know ,i should become so fascinated  
and engrossed that ,i should think of   
nothing else4  ,don't you think it very 
engrossing8  ,when you went out         
yourself1 didn't you find it so8'  ',i  
don't believe ,i have been put through  
my catechism so for years1' was ,miss   
,rayner's reply4  ',i reserve to myself 
the right of asking questions4  ,and so 
you try to make your life one of rigid  
self-denial8 ,it won't last long1 child4
  ,you are only human like the rest of  
us1 and the reaction will come1 as ,i   
have seen it in scores of cases before4'
  ,i said nothing4  ,she continued1     
after a pause3--  ',you can't be happy  
leading such a life4  ,it is not        
natural2 and it must be a constant      
source of fret to yourself and those    
with whom you live4'  ',but ,i am very  
happy1 ,miss ,rayner--,i really am4  ,i 

have what satisfies my heart1 and any   
amount of worldly pleasure never does   
that1 does it8 ,it is a difficult life  
to lead with the ,forsyths1 but ,i am   
helped to dwell deep1 and ,i am quite   
content4'  ',and what friends have you8'
 ,miss ,rayner asked1 her dark1 piercing
 eyes fixed intently on my face4        
',well1' ,i said slowly1 ',i have no    
special friends4  ,i like ,nelly and    
,violet very much1 but ,nelly has her   
own friends1 and ,violet is busy with   
her lessons4  ,most of the girls who    
come to the house of course find me     
rather slow1 and leave me alone1 but ,i 
am getting accustomed to that4'  ',it   
won't last1' ,miss ,rayner said again2  
and then she asked me to play to her on 
my violin4  ,i did so1 and she lay back 
in her chair1 listening with half-closed
 eyes2 but when ,i put my instrument    
down ,i again encountered her earnest   
gaze4  ',you are a pretty little thing1'
 she said abruptly2 ',i suppose that is 
no news to you8'  ',i have not often    

been told so1' ,i said1 flushing1 and   
half laughing at her bluntness4  ',it is
 no thanks to you that you are made so1'
 she said4  ',i have no patience with   
people who are possessed with good      
looks2 they invariably take the credit  
of their beauty to themselves1 and are  
quite insufferable with all their airs  
and graces4  ,i don't say this is the   
case with you1 for ,i have not seen     
enough of you to tell yet4  ,now ,i am  
going to read1 so you will be left in   
peace for a little4  ,would you like a  
magazine8'  ,there was no more talk     
between us that night4  ,at half-past   
ten ,miss ,rayner rose and wished me    
good-night4  ',i breakfast at half-past 
eight punctually1' she said2 'so you    
will like to retire now1 ,i expect4'    
,and this ,i did1 wondering1 when ,i    
reached my room1 what it was that so    
attracted me towards ,miss ,rayner2 for1
 in spite of her blunt manner and tone1 
,i really had taken a liking to her1 and
 was glad that ,i was going to see more 

of her4     ,,chapter ,,ix  ,,quiet     
,,days  ',the slow1 sweet hours that    
bring us all things good4'--,tennyson4  
,the next morning1 after breakfast1     
,miss ,rayner took me all over her      
chicken farm4  ,it was most interesting 
to me1 as ,i had never seen anything of 
the sort before4  ,all the houses and   
contrivances for the chickens1 from the 
time they left their egg-shells1 were so
 perfect in every little detail1 and the
 incubators ,i thought charming4  ,a    
brood of little chicks were just        
hatched1 but ,i could not help          
expressing my regret to ,miss ,rayner   
that they had no proper mother4  ',they 
must miss such a lot1' ,i said2 'it     
seems such a desolate state to be in4'  
',we never miss what we have not been   
accustomed to1' ,miss ,rayner said      
briskly4  ',much better have no mother  
than a bad one1 and hens are not better 
than most folks--they very often        
ill-treat their young4'  ,i saw1 from   
the way she went about and superintended

 everything1 that her whole heart was   
with her poultry1 and she was one to do 
all that came to her hand both          
thoroughly and well4  ,her servants     
seemed devoted to her1 though ,i heard  
her scolding her outdoor man so severely
 that ,i wondered he stood it as meekly 
as he did4  ,i soon became quite at     
home1 and enjoyed my new life immensely4
  ,i was left pretty much to myself in  
the morning1 but in the afternoon ,miss 
,rayner would often invite me out for a 
long walk or drive4  ,she rode a great  
deal1 and persuaded me to accompany her 
on a very quiet chestnut mare4  ,i had  
taken riding lessons at school1 but had 
not had much opportunity of riding      
since1 and the ,forsyths never seemed to
 have a horse to spare4  ,it was a great
 pleasure to me now1 and ,i could not   
but enjoy ,miss ,rayner's society4  ,she
 was a cultivated1 well-read woman1 and 
her conversation was very different to  
that to which ,i had been accustomed4   
,she made me feel my own ignorance on   

many subjects1 and ,i was glad to read  
the books and reviews she placed in my  
hands4  ,one evening she had given me a 
fresh book1 dealing with some of the    
questions of the present day1 and had   
said that she would like me to study it1
 for the writer was a clever and rising 
author4  ,i read on for some time in    
silence1 and then ,i put it down4  ',is 
it too deep for you8' she asked4  ',no1'
 ,i replied2 'but ,i don't like it4'    
',i am surprised4  ,there is such a     
decided religious tone in it that ,i    
thought it would just suit you4'  ',it  
is just that tone ,i don't like4  ,it   
represents some of the ,bible truths so 
unfairly4'  ',in what way8'  ',in       
speaking of ,god's justice----'         
',please explain1' she said1 as ,i      
faltered4  ',justice is not cruelty1    
,miss ,rayner4  ,i suppose he holds the 
same views that so many seem to hold4   
,and even in novels now that you get at 
a circulating library you constantly    
come across the same thing--a kind of   

contempt for the old1 narrow doctrines1 
as they call them1 bringing down ,god's 
standard to theirs1 and condemning what 
they cannot understand4'  ,miss ,rayner 
laughed4  ',you are getting hot over    
their iniquities4  ,i did not know you  
were such a critical young person4'  ',i
 can't bear the ,bible being made light 
of1' ,i said4  ',they cut away and put  
their own interpretation on the most    
solemn truths4  ,do you agree with this 
man1 ,miss ,rayner8'  ',in the face of  
such severe criticism1 ,i should be bold
 to say ,i did1' was the laughing reply2
 then she added1 more seriously1 ',i    
don't really know what ,i do believe4   
,perhaps you would be shocked at some of
 my theories4  ,i never trouble my head 
about doctrines2 a man's life is more   
important than his creed4'  ',and what  
kind of a life do you believe in8' ,i   
asked4  ',an upright1 honourable life1  
in which all lying and humbug would not 
find a place4  ,a life spent for the    
good of one's fellow-creatures is the   

noblest one1 but few attain to that4  ,i
 think we ought to leave some the better
 for our influence when we depart this  
life4'  ',and then8' ,i asked4  ,she    
shrugged her shoulders4  ',sufficient   
unto the day is the evil thereof4  ,the 
present is what we have to deal with1   
not the future4 ,don't look so shocked1 
child4  ,if you question me so closely1 
what am ,i to do8  ,i am not an         
unbeliever4  ,i go to church every      
,sunday morning1 and1 as you see1 ,i    
keep up the old custom of family prayers
 once a day4 ,don't judge other people  
as heathen because they may not think   
exactly the same as yourself4'  ,i said 
no more4  ,i felt too young and         
inexperienced to argue with a woman of  
such a stamp as ,miss ,rayner4  ,she    
would lean back in her chair1 and look  
and listen to me with an amused twinkle 
in her eyes2 but as for being convinced 
of the truth by anything that ,i said1  
that1 ,i knew1 was a moral              
impossibility4  ,yet1 when ,i went to my

 room that night1 ,i prayed earnestly   
for her1 and felt more than ever the    
comfort that what was impossible to man 
was easy and possible to ,god1 and the  
,holy ,spirit ,himself could convince   
her of her need of a ,saviour4  ,i was a
 little troubled lest1 through          
cowardice1 ,i had not made as good a use
 of the opportunity as ,i might have    
done2 so the next morning1 at breakfast1
 ,i said to her1--  ',miss ,rayner1 ,i  
have been thinking over our conversation
 last night4 ,do you think doing good to
 our fellow-creatures is all that ,god  
requires of us8  ,is ,he ,himself not to
 have a place in our life8  ,what do you
 think of words like these1 ,thou hast  
created all things1 and for ,thy        
pleasure they are and were created8'    
',now1 look here1' she said             
good-naturedly1 ',i am not going to be  
preached to4  ,the chief thing that made
 me take to you was1 that you were not a
 prig1 with all your extreme            
devotedness4  ,and ,i will not enter    

into religious discussions4  ,i might   
disturb your faith1 and ,i don't want to
 do that4  ,keep your religion to       
yourself1 and live it out1 child1 if you
 want to impress others4  ,i am sick of 
cant and humbug--be real and true1 and  
you are sure to commend your views to   
others1 but you will never do it by     
preaching at them4'  ,i coloured up4    
',i didn't mean to preach1' ,i began4   
',you felt it was on your conscience to 
say more to me4  ,oh1 ,i know all about 
it6  ,i can read your face like a book1 
and you took about ten minutes to make  
up your mind to do it4'  ,i could not   
help laughing at her tone1 but said no  
more1 as ,i saw how useless it would be4
  ,it was a few days after this that    
,kenneth made his appearance4  ,he rode 
up to the door just as we were sitting  
down to luncheon4  ',what do you want8' 
asked ,miss ,rayner sharply1 as she made
 him welcome at the table4  ',i am not  
accustomed to visits from you4'  ',no1' 
,kenneth said1 laughing2 ',i only came  

to see how ,goody ,two-,shoes was       
getting on1 and whether she wants to    
come home again4'  ',i am very happy    
here1 thank you1' ,i said4  ',i was not 
aware that the arrangement of her       
affairs was in your hands1' ,miss       
,rayner remarked drily4  ,kenneth       
laughed again good-humouredly4  ',well1 
you see1 my father is away1 and ,i am   
acting as his representative4  ,what do 
you think of her1 aunt8  ,has she been  
trying to convert you yet8'  ,miss      
,rayner's eyes sparkled a little as she 
looked across at me4  ',i am not going  
to tell tales1' she said4  ',we         
understand each other1 ,i think--at any 
rate1 we are trying to4'  ',i am afraid 
she has not had sufficient scope at our 
house1 for we are too many for her1'    
,kenneth pursued2 'the only one who was 
amenable to her influence was ,captain  
,gates4  ,i really believe he was quite 
willing1 only she wouldn't do it for    
him1 when it came to the point4'  ',oh1 
hush1 ,kenneth6' ,i exclaimed4  ',please

 don't talk so2 you know how ,i dislike 
it4'  ',i am afraid ,gates has lost his 
chance1' ,kenneth continued1 with one of
 his provoking smiles4  ',i met him last
 week1 ,goody1 and what do you think he 
was doing8  ,now don't look so          
indifferent1 for1 remember1 if he goes  
to the dogs1 it will be you who has     
driven him there4  ,he was packing his  
things up for ,monte ,carlo4  ,and he is
 going to propose to the first heiress  
that he comes across1 for he is         
desperately hard up just now4'  ,i felt 
my cheeks get hot1 and ,i knew that     
,miss ,rayner's eyes were scanning me   
closely4  ',how is ,violet8' ,i asked4  
',isn't she feeling rather lonely8'  ',i
 never set eyes on her1' was the        
brotherly reply1 'except that before ,i 
got off this morning she came rushing   
out with all sorts of messages to you4  
,i told her ,i shouldn't remember half4 
,one was that she wanted you back1 ,i   
think2 the other1 that ,miss ,graham had
 taken your precious ,sunday class1 and 

had found it so entertaining that she   
was going to try it again4'  ',oh1 ,i am
 so glad6' ,i exclaimed4  ',i was hoping
 she would2 and is she going to give    
,jim a reading-lesson in the week1 do   
you know8'  ',that ,i can't tell you4'  
,after luncheon1 ,miss ,rayner went down
 to the village on some errand1 and then
 ,kenneth inquired1 ',is she treating   
you well8'  ',of course1' ,i replied2   
'she is most kind1 and ,i am enjoying   
myself very much4'  ',what on earth do  
you do with yourself all day in this    
out-of-the-way hole8  ,have you seen a  
single visitor since you have been      
here8'  ',not one1' ,i said1 laughing2  
'and for myself1 ,i would just as soon  
be without them4'  ',we are awfully slow
 at home just now1' ,kenneth said2      
',hugh is as grumpy and cross as two    
sticks4  ,i dine out whenever ,i can1   
and shoot everything ,i come across in  
the day-time4  ,i even condescend to    
rabbits1 if there's nothing better on   
hand4  ,i think we shall have the house 

pretty full when the girls come back4   
,amongst other people1 ,hugh is asking a
 new crony of his1 some scientific      
fellow whom he raves about4'  ',i never 
heard him rave about anybody or         
anything6' ,i remarked4  ',it is raving 
for him1 when he tells you that his chum
 is thought no end of by different      
celebrities1 and that he considers it an
 honour to have him under our unworthy  
roof--or words to that effect4  ,mother 
will be delighted to have him1 as he is 
unmarried1 and has a big estate         
somewhere4'  ',have you heard from      
,nelly8' ,i asked1 changing the subject1
 as ,i did not like his sneering tone4  
',had a letter from her yesterday2 she  
and ,constance are going at it night and
 day4  ,i say1 ,goody1 how much longer  
are you going to stay here8  ,couldn't  
you tell the aunt you have had enough of
 it1 and come back8  ,it is too slow for
 anything just now4  ,i promise you some
 nice little treats if you come4  ,we   
will go up the river--you and ,i--and we

 shall have it all our own way1 for     
there will be nobody to interfere with  
us4'  ',i have promised to stay here    
till ,mrs4 ,forsyth comes back1' ,i     
said4  ',oh1 bother your promise6  ,say 
you found it too slow1 and couldn't     
stand it any longer4'  ',but ,i don't   
find it slow1' ,i said1 looking at him  
full in the face4 ',i think ,i like     
,miss ,rayner's society better than     
yours4'  ,kenneth looked quite taken    
aback at first1 and then we both laughed
 together4  ',it's true1' ,i persisted4 
',i don't believe it2 ,i shall give you 
a dose of my society to-day1 for ,i     
shall stay on to dinner here4  ,what    
shall we do this afternoon8'  ',miss    
,rayner does not expect you to stay on1'
 ,i said1 'for she wished you good-bye  
before she went out just now4'  ',i know
 she did1 but ,i intend to stay1 all the
 same4'  ,and this he did1 telling ,miss
 ,rayner when she came in that there was
 no dinner at home1 ,hugh was in town1  
and he was sure she would offer him     

further hospitality4  ,kenneth could be 
very amusing when he liked1 and he      
certainly brought a fresh element into  
our quiet life4  ,he asked me to play on
 my violin after dinner1 and when ,i had
 finished he turned to ,miss ,rayner and
 said1 ',that is ,goody's strong        
forte--that instrument of hers4  ,she   
could charm a man's soul away by some of
 her strains6'  ,and then he took his   
leave4  ,there was silence between us   
for some time after his departure4  ,i  
thought ,miss ,rayner was reading1 and  
though ,i was professedly doing the     
same1 my thoughts kept wandering off to 
,captain ,gates4  ,i wondered if ,i was 
responsible for his going back to his   
old reckless life4  ,he had told me once
 what a snare gambling had been to him1 
and how much he wanted to give it up4   
,this visit to ,monte ,carlo would      
plunge him into the midst of it again4  
,i was startled out of my reverie by    
,miss ,rayner's voice saying1 ',what    
pictures are you seeing in the fire1    

child8'  ,i looked up4  ',i was only    
thinking1' ,i said4  ',so ,i suppose4   
,who is this ,captain ,gates that       
,kenneth mentioned8'  ,i coloured4  ,how
 often she seemed to read my thoughts6  
',a friend of ,kenneth who often comes  
to stay with the ,forsyths4'  ',and what
 has he to do with you1 or you with     
him8'  ,i hesitated1 then said in a low 
voice1 ',he wanted me to marry him1 and 
,i couldn't6'  ',why not8'  ',i--,i     
didn't care enough for him1 and we      
should not have suited each other4  ,he 
leads a very gay life4'  ',but ,i       
suppose he vowed he would give all that 
up8'  ',yes1 he did2 but ,i don't think 
he would have done so4'  ,and then1     
encouraged by a softening in her tone   
and manner1 ,i told ,miss ,rayner all1  
asking her at the end if she did not    
think ,i had acted rightly4  ',quite    
right1' she said emphatically2 'but be  
thankful you were not head over ears in 
love with him1 for your decision would  
have cost you something then4'  ,she    

spoke with such intense feeling that ,i 
could not help thinking there must be   
something behind her words1 especially  
when she continued in low1 earnest      
tones3 ',better go through life lonely  
and single1 than tie yourself to a man  
whose aim and object in life is directly
 contrary to yours4  ,there can be only 
misery for both if you act otherwise4   
,and cut the connection at once for his 
sake1 more than for your own4  ,it is   
only prolonging the agony4'  ,i did not 
speak1 and then1 with a short laugh1    
,miss ,rayner seemed to recover herself4
  ',what am ,i saying8  ,perhaps some   
day ,i may tell you a chapter in my     
life1 child--but not now4  ,you have not
 had to go through such a sharp ordeal  
as ,i have4  ,i am afraid there is      
nothing for it but a curate for you4    
,holding your present views1 you would  
find no pleasure in a man of the world4'
  ',surely every one is not bound to    
have a husband8' ,i said1 half laughing1
 half vexed with her light1 mocking     

tone4  ',i should say you were sure to  
have one1' she retorted2 'perhaps your  
views will melt away when you come      
across some one that you really fancy4' 
,i shook my head1 but dropped the       
subject1 wondering1 with a girlish      
curiosity1 what ,miss ,rayner's life    
story was4     ,,chapter ,x  ,,long     
,,ago    ',ah6 changeless through the   
changing vein   ,the ghostly whisper    
rings between   ,the dark refrain of    
might have been4'   ,circumstances      
helped to bring about the recital of    
that story sooner than ,i had expected4 
,about ten days later1 ,i started out   
one afternoon with ,miss ,rayner for a  
ride4  ,i was not on the chestnut mare  
this time1 but on ,rawdon1 ,miss        
,rayner's special favourite1 and the one
 she always rode herself4  ,it was a    
mark of great favour her allowing me to 
try him4  ,it was a pleasant day for a  
ride1 and when we got up on a bit of the
 moor it delighted me4  ,suddenly1      
without any warning1 a pack of hounds   

dashed by1 followed closely by the      
huntsmen4  ',pull your horse in1 child6'
 ,miss ,rayner exclaimed excitedly2 'he 
is an old hunter4'  ,it was easy to say1
 but quite impossible1 ,i found1 to act 
upon4  ,rawdon threw up his head1 his   
nostrils quivering with excitement1 and 
then bolted1 and ,i found myself utterly
 powerless to check his course4  ',keep 
your seat1 and give him his head1' were 
the words ,i heard from ,miss ,rayner as
 ,i rapidly left her in the distance4   
',and keep cool1' ,i said to myself1    
knowing ,i should require all my nerve4 
,in a few minutes ,i was in the midst of
 the hunt1 to my great perplexity1 and1 
passing most of the riders1 ,rawdon     
galloped on to the front4  ,it had been 
a fortunate thing for me that the bit of
 moor we were on was on the level2 but  
now ,i saw1 to my consternation1 the    
hounds were making for some fields      
adjoining1 and ,rawdon was carrying me  
straight towards a five-barred gate4  ,i
 had practised leaps in a riding-school1

 but never since1 and my heart sank     
within me4  ,i put up a quick prayer as 
we reached it2 ,rawdon took it without  
the slightest difficulty1 and to my     
surprise ,i found myself still on his   
back4  ',it will be the finish at that  
next copse1 ,i expect1' a gentleman     
called out excitedly1 as his horse      
vainly tried to keep up with mine4      
',look out for that hedge in front1' he 
added2 'it's a nasty leap--there is a   
wide ditch the other side4'  ,what could
 ,i say or do8  ,he evidently did not   
see that my horse had obtained complete 
mastery of me4  ,i set my teeth1 and    
drew my breath as we approached it4     
,was ,i going to be carried over this in
 safety8  ,a moment later1 and1 giddy   
and confused1 ,i found myself not only  
over1 but brought to a dead stop by     
,rawdon1 who1 quivering all over with   
excitement1 had brought me right to the 
finish2 only three other gentlemen were 
there besides the master of the hounds4 
,i felt in an extremely awkward         

position4  ,one of them1 ,sir ,charles  
,courtenay1 ,i slightly knew1 as he was 
a great friend of ,general ,forsyth4    
,when he recognised me1 he came forward 
at once4  ',miss ,thorn1 ,i congratulate
 you4  ,this is the first meet of the   
season1 and we have had the most        
splendid run1 though a long one4  ,have 
you ever received a brush before8'  ',it
 is all a mistake my being here1' ,i    
said with a little laugh1 as ,i realized
 the humorous side of the situation4    
',i am not one of your number2 ,i was   
taking a quiet ride on the moor with a  
friend1 when my horse1 an old hunter1   
bolted with me1 and has carried me here 
over every obstacle1 in spite of my     
wishes4'  ',it is a good horse1 but a   
good rider too1' said the old gentleman4
 ',very few ladies would have taken that
 last leap4  ,let me introduce the      
master of the hounds to you4'  ,the     
introduction took place1 and1 in spite  
of my protestations1 the brush was      
presented1 and then1 one by one1 other  

riders came upon the scene4  ,it was a  
great relief to me when1 turning my     
horse round1 ,i came face to face with  
,kenneth4  ',goody ,two-,shoes6  ,what  
on earth are you doing here8  ,was it   
you1 then1 that took the lead so8  ,we  
couldn't imagine what lady it was6  ,i  
think ,i must be dreaming4'  ,and       
,kenneth really looked as if he could   
not believe his eyes4  ,i explained it  
all hastily1 adding1 ',do ride back with
 me away from all these people to meet  
,miss ,rayner4  ,she will be anxious    
about me4'  ,but ,kenneth only shook his
 head with mock solemnity4  ',oh6       
,goody1 ,goody1 ,i'm afraid you are a   
sad humbug6  ,you won't make everybody  
believe that patched-up story4  ,you    
didn't bargain for meeting me here4 ,no 
wonder you don't want to come back to us
 just yet6  ,i must write and tell the  
girls you are enjoying yourself in the  
hunting-field4  ,do you know that it is 
one of the governor's fads that girls   
are out of place in a hunt8  ,nell has  

always been refused permission to come  
with me4 ,it will be amusing when this  
gets to the governor's ears6  ,coming   
off by yourself on the sly1 and getting 
the brush6'  ,and ,kenneth gave a       
delighted chuckle at the end of his     
speech4  ,i rode straight away from him 
without a word1 feeling ready to cry    
with vexation4  ,then1 to my great      
delight1 ,miss ,rayner rode up4  ,her   
eyes were twinkling with suppressed     
mirth4  ',my dear girl1 ,i am afraid    
,rawdon has given you a fright4  ,i     
watched you over the gate and hedge2 you
 took them well4  ,i almost wished to be
 in your place1 though my hunting days  
are over4  ,i am proud of ,rawdon6'  ',i
 want to get away1 ,miss ,rayner1' ,i   
said imploringly4  ,she looked at me1   
and was about to speak1 when a gentleman
 rode up to her4  ',miss ,rayner1 ,i    
haven't seen you for years4  ,i am glad 
to meet you in the field again4'  ',like
 this young lady who is staying with me1
 ,i have come into it accidentally4  ,we

 were out riding1 when her horse bolted 
with her1 and ,i have only just come    
upon the scene4  ,i have given up       
hunting for many years now4  ,let me    
introduce you1 ,miss ,thorn2 this is    
,colonel ,hawkes1 an old friend4'  ,for 
some minutes he and ,miss ,rayner       
carried on an animated conversation with
 one another4  ,they seemed to have     
known each other in the past very       
intimately4  ,presently ,miss ,rayner   
asked1--  ',and where are you staying   
now8'  ,he hesitated2 then said1 slowly1
 ',with ,ratcliffe--,charlie ,ratcliffe4
 ,you remember him8'  ,miss ,rayner     
turned white to her lips2 then said1 in 
a cold1 hard voice1 ',i thought he was  
in the wilds of ,africa8'  ',he returned
 the end of last year4  ,he finished the
 piece of work out there so             
satisfactorily for the ,government that 
they want to send him out to another    
part1 but he has refused4  ,he says he  
wants to settle down quietly now1 and   
has just bought a house somewhere in    

,surrey4  ,he is a good fellow1 but odd1
 you know4  ,since his return he has    
been slumming in the ,east ,end of      
,london like a parson4  ,i am staying   
with him at his chambers in town4  ,we  
are such very old chums that ,i put up  
with his religious crotchets4  ,he      
doesn't force them down one's throat1   
that's one comfort1 and1 ,i'm bound to  
admit1 he lives them out4'  ,miss       
,rayner changed the subject1 and a few  
minutes after we rode away1 very silent 
both of us1 and we hardly exchanged a   
word till we reached home4  ,all the    
evening ,miss ,rayner was very subdued  
and unlike herself4 ,susan had very     
truly described her to me as 'a fresh   
breeze coming in and out4'  ,from the   
minute she set foot in a place1 you were
 conscious of her cheery presence4      
,sometimes whistling to her dogs1       
chatting briskly to any in her path1 and
 always full of energy and spirit2 but  
now she sat with a dreamy1 absent look  
in her eyes1 and started if ,i addressed

 her on any topic4  ,later in the       
evening1 as we sat over the drawing-room
 fire with our books1 she suddenly      
looked up and said1 ',play to me1 child2
 ,i am out of sorts4  ,colonel ,hawkes  
brought up old scenes and memories which
 are best forgotten4  ,your music has   
always a soothing effect on me4'  ,i    
took my violin up1 and leaning against  
the mantle-piece opposite to her1 ,i    
began to play in the firelight4  ,i     
played1 as ,i loved to play1 without    
notes before me1 and soon ,i was in a   
dream myself4  ,my favourite verse      
running through my head1 ,i sought to   
bring it out of my violin1 and as the   
last note died away ,i became conscious 
that ,miss ,rayner's eyes were          
glistening with tears4  ,knowing how    
utterly devoid of sentiment she         
generally seemed1 ,i was the more       
surprised1 only1 of course1 did not let 
her see ,i had noticed it4  ',you have  
never played that before1' she said     
brusquely1 as she recovered her         

composure4  ',and ,i don't know that ,i 
could play it again1' ,i said4  ',i     
never get it just the same4  ,i was     
trying to bring out a thought that ,i am
 very fond of4'  ',and what thought is  
that8'  ',do you know a verse like this8
    ,these surface troubles come and go1
     ,like rufflings of the sea2   ,the 
deeper depth is out of reach     ,to    
all1 my ,god1 but ,thee4  ,there are two
 words in ,jeremiah that ,i try and take
 for my life's motto3 ,dwell deep4  ,i  
love to bring it out of my violin4'     
,miss ,rayner smiled4  ',i should not   
have thought there had been much        
occasion in your life at present for you
 to put those words into practice4'  ,i 
was silent4  ,no doubt my small troubles
 seemed very insignificant to her who   
had perhaps seen and gone through far   
heavier ones herself4  ,after a little1 
she said thoughtfully1 as she gazed into
 the glowing coals before her1 ',one    
sometimes wonders1 if certain passages  
in our lives were given us again1       

whether we would act differently2 but ,i
 am inclined to think as a rule we      
should not4'  ,then1 turning to me      
abruptly1 she said1 ',would you like to 
hear why ,i have never married8 ,i am   
not ashamed of anything--there is no    
need why you should not know--only ,i do
 not care to discuss bygone tales too   
often2 so ,i shall not expect you to    
refer to it again4  ,i was engaged to   
,charles ,ratcliffe for six years4  ,he1
 ,colonel ,hawkes1 and ,i were always   
together2 we hunted1 danced1 and amused 
ourselves as the rest of the world4     
,charlie--,mr4 ,ratcliffe--was then a   
struggling young barrister1 and we      
waited for more prosperous times4       
,about a year before we were to have    
been married1 he'--she paused and gave a
 hard little laugh1 'well--he got       
converted1 as you would express it4  ,i 
tried to laugh him out of it at first1  
but it was of no use2 he gradually      
withdrew from amusements1 and tried to  
make me do the same4  ,we pulled        

together a little while longer1 and then
 ,i saw it wouldn't do1 and ,i told him 
so4  ,how can two walk together1 except 
they be agreed8  ,there is no truer     
verse than that in the ,bible4  ,and so 
we parted1 and ,i have never seen him   
from that day to this4'  ',i am so      
sorry6' ,i murmured1 as she paused as   
abruptly as she commenced4  ',oh1 ,i am 
not an object of pity1 ,i assure you6'  
she said1 laughing3 'it was odd running 
up against ,colonel ,hawkes to-day4     
,did you see ,kenneth there1 too8  ,i   
fancied ,i saw him in the distance4'    
',yes1' ,i said1 seeing she wished to   
turn to other subjects2 ',i am afraid he
 will never let me forget it4  ,i wish  
he were not such a tease4  ,he would    
misunderstand me1 or pretend to do so4  
,i shall not hear the last of it for a  
long time1 ,i know4'  ,miss ,rayner     
laughed4  ',i suppose he could not      
understand seeing you acting such a     
different rle from your usual one4      
,never mind1 child4 ,words do not break 

bones4  ,let him have the enjoyment of  
it4  ,perhaps this afternoon's exploit  
may have given you a taste for the      
hunting-field8  ,is it so8'  ,i shook my
 head4  ',no1 ,i don't think ,i shall   
want to mount ,rawdon again while ,i am 
here4  ,i could never trust him4'  ,that
 night ,i could not sleep1 or get ,miss 
,rayner's story out of my head4  ,she   
only gave me the bare facts1 but ,i     
could supply much that was not told4  ,i
 could see that all her likes and       
dislikes were strong ones4  ,her        
affection for him had been no light     
girlish fancy1 but had deepened1 ,i     
could not help thinking1 since          
separation4  ,i wondered if he still    
thought of her1 and whether the blank   
had been as great in his life as in     
hers4  ,but then ,i remembered that he  
had what she had not--a satisfied soul  
and an unseen personal ,friend4  ,i felt
 a great pity for her4  ,i knew from    
what ,i had heard from others that she  
had withdrawn herself from society for  

many years1 and rightly conjectured that
 when the one she really cared about was
 no longer to be met there1 it failed to
 satisfy or amuse her4  ,and ,i longed  
that even yet she might find the same   
,saviour as he had1 and become satisfied
 in the same way4 ,earnestly did ,i pray
 that she might be led to seek for this1
 and that if it was ,god's will that    
earthly happiness should be denied her1 
she still might be filled with the joy  
and peace 'which passes understanding'  
from above4     ,,chapter ,,xi  ,a      
,,different ,,atmosphere    ',and ,i    
should fear1 but lo6 amid the press1    
,the whirl and hum and pressure of my   
day1   ,i hear ,thy garments sweep1 ,thy
 seamless dress1   ,and close beside my 
work and weariness   ,discern ,thy      
gracious form1 not far away1   ,but very
 near1 ,o ,lord1 to help and            
bless4'--,susan ,coolidge4   ,my visit  
to ,miss ,rayner now drew to a close4   
,i was really sorry to leave her1 and ,i
 think she was sorry to part with me4   

,it was a strange friendship between us4
  ,she was far beyond me in knowledge of
 the world and in intellect1 and yet ,i 
know she said things to me that she     
would not say to any one else4  ,she    
would laugh at me1 tease me1 and never  
spare my blushes of embarrassment and   
discomfiture2 but as she was wishing me 
good-bye the last afternoon1 she put    
both her hands on my shoulders and stood
 looking down upon me with a strange    
softening of face and manner4  ',i have 
liked having you here1 child2 ,i knew ,i
 should from the first moment ,i saw    
you1 and ,i shall miss you after you    
have gone4  ,but ,i do not mean to lose 
sight of you1 and when you want         
advice1--or shall ,i say comfort8--come 
over and take advantage of my quiet     
resting-place here to soothe and solace 
yourself4  ,it is strange advice to give
 you1 but though ,i may have chaffed you
 about your religious views1 keep a firm
 grip of them1 and go on your own way   
straight-forward1 without bending or    

relaxing in the slightest4  ,i believe  
you have got hold of the real thing1 and
 if you have1 ,i should think it was    
worth keeping4'  ,tears were in my eyes1
 and ,i laid my hand on her arm4  ',i am
 praying that you may find it too1 ,miss
 ,rayner--or rather ,him1 for it is     
,christ ,himself that fills my life4'   
,she stooped and kissed me1 but did not 
say another word1 only there was a      
wistful look in her eyes that haunted me
 for long afterwards4  ,old ,john had   
his say1 too1 when parting with me at   
the station3 ',i hope you have h'enjoyed
 your visit1 miss1 and have had an      
h'edifying time2 the mistress wants some
 one of her h'own sex to talk to h'on   
h'occasions1 though1 h'as ,i h'often    
say1 she can hold her h'equal with h'any
 man if she chooses4  ,h'and h'if ,i    
make bold to say so1 h'if you want a    
mount h'at h'any time1 ,rawdon shall be 
h'at your disposal2 you did him credit  
the h'other day with the hounds1 h'and  
,i shall never raise h'any h'objection  

to h'allowing you to ride him6'  ,it was
 certainly a different kind of life to  
which ,i returned4  ,the house was full 
of visitors1 and all chance of quiet    
seemed gone4  ,i think ,violet and      
,nelly were genuinely glad to see me4   
,kenneth1 of course1 did not spare me2  
he coloured the story so of the way ,i  
had joined the hounds1 as to make       
,general ,forsyth quite vexed1 and ,mrs4
 ,forsyth did not seem to believe my    
true version of it4  ',why do you love  
to make people uncomfortable if you     
can8' ,i said in desperation to him1    
after he had been chaffing me           
unmercifully on the same subject before 
a lot of people in the drawing-room one 
afternoon4  ',because it is my nature   
to1 ,i suppose1' he retorted4  ',i don't
 think anything would make you          
uncomfortable1 ,goody6  ,you go serenely
 on your way1 wrapped in a cloak of     
supreme self-content and satisfaction4  
,except for bringing a little extra pink
 colour into your cheeks1 which ,i like 

to see1 no words of mine can ever stir  
you4'  ',i have feelings1' ,i said1     
'though ,i do try not to show them4  ,i 
am not a piece of stone4  ,and if ,i did
 show them1 you would be the first to   
blame me for it4'  ',i dare say ,i      
should1 for it would be highly          
inconsistent with the profession that   
you make to lose your temper like       
ordinary mortals4'  ',so that ,i cannot 
act rightly in any case in your eyes1'  
,i said1 half laughing1 half vexed4  ',i
 am just good as a kind of target that  
you can fire off volleys of ridicule at3
 if ,i resent it1 it will be showing    
anger2 if ,i bear it1 it will be because
 ,i am wrapped in a cloak of supreme    
self-content and satisfaction4'  ',upon 
my word1 ,goody1 ,i think you are       
showing too much feeling now1' was the  
laughing rejoinder2 ',i think ,i must   
make myself scarce till you are calmer4'
  ,and he walked away and left me4  ,he 
was the only one of the ,forsyths that  
,i did not quite understand4  ,no one   

said unkinder things to my face than he 
did1 and yet behind my back ,i knew that
 many a time he had made things smoother
 for me with his parents4  ,he laughed  
and scoffed openly at the weaknesses and
 insincerity of society1 yet mingled    
freely in it1 and was a favourite       
wherever he went4  ,i felt no eye in the
 household was so keen as his on my     
words and actions2 he was always wanting
 me to do things for him and go to      
places with him2 yet when ,i was with   
him he would be unsparing in his        
scoffing remarks on any subject that    
would touch me most deeply4  ,i found it
 best to take all he said as quietly as 
possible1 only now and then protesting1 
as ,i had done upon this afternoon4     
,hugh's friend1 a ,mr4 ,stanton1 arrived
 a week after my return4  ,he was rather
 a grave-looking man1 tall and          
broad-shouldered1 with dark eyes which  
seemed quick to take in every one and   
everything1 and yet which had a kindly  
gleam in them4  ,we did not see much of 

him1 for ,hugh and he spent most of     
their days in the study together2 but he
 proved very entertaining in the        
evening1 for he had travelled a great   
deal and could talk well1 and somehow or
 other would raise the conversation to a
 higher level than usual4  ,general     
,forsyth would discuss questions of the 
day with him1 with a keener interest    
than was his custom with a younger man2 
and ,nelly came gushingly to confide in 
me the first night of his arrival3 ',i  
like him awfully1 ,hilda6  ,he is so    
different to most of ,hugh's friends4   
,they seem so hard and cynical1 and have
 such a contempt for women1 ,i always   
fancy4  ,mr4 ,stanton takes as much     
trouble to talk to me as he does to     
father1 and he is awfully good-looking6'
  ,one evening1 soon after he arrived1  
,general and ,mrs4 ,forsyth and         
,constance wore dining out4  ,a ,miss   
,willoughby and her brother were staying
 in the house2 they were cousins of the 
,forsyths1 and had returned from ,london

 with them1 but ,i had always kept away 
from them1 as ,miss ,willoughby's manner
 and ways grated on me4  ,she seemed    
utterly devoid of all religion1 and was 
always ready to scoff and jeer at       
serious subjects4  ,she was a clever    
woman of the world1 and looked upon me  
as a mere child4  ,as we were in the    
drawing-room together1 before the       
gentlemen joined us after dinner1 she   
called to me from her seat by the fire1 
',come here1 you little piece of        
innocence1 ,i want to talk to you2 why  
do you always creep into a remote corner
 of the room away from everybody8  ,is  
it modesty1 or misanthropy1 that drives 
you from your fellow-creatures8'        
',neither1' ,i said1 as ,i slowly moved 
towards the fireplace and took a seat   
near her4  ',nelly was entertaining you1
 so you did not require me4'  ',but ,i  
do want you4  ,i think you could be far 
more entertaining than ,nelly here1     
because you have taken up an original   
rle1 and ,i like originality4'  ,i made 

no reply4  ,there was a mischievous     
light in her eyes which warned me she   
meant to enjoy herself at my expense4   
,she lay back in her chair1 put up her  
pince-nez1 and regarded me for some     
minutes in silence4  ,then she gave a   
mock sigh4  ',i don't see the halo1     
,nelly2 it ought to be there--round her 
head1 you know4  ,i hope she isn't a    
sham saint6'  ',you shall not tease     
her1' ,nelly said warmly2 'she gets     
quite enough of that from ,kenneth      
without your taking it up4'  ',my dear  
child1 ,i have no intention of teasing  
her4  ,i would not presume to do so on  
such short acquaintance4  ,beyond       
,good-night and ,good-morning1 ,i don't 
believe ,miss ,thorn and ,i have        
exchanged half a dozen words4  ,we are  
going to converse agreeably together    
now1 if you will allow us4'  ',i don't  
think we shall find that we have much in
 common1 ,miss ,willoughby1' ,i said1   
trying to speak pleasantly4  ',i dare   
say not4  ,i am a wicked sinner         

according to your standard1 and you are 
a righteous saint2 but may not sinners  
sometimes speak to saints8  ,how else   
are they to be made better1 ,i want to  
know1 as the ,americans say8  ,do you   
attend chapel1 ,miss ,thorn8'  ',no1' ,i
 answered a little shortly4  ',i went   
into a chapel once1' she pursued1       
looking gravely at me1 'and there was a 
revival going on1 ,i was told4  ,that is
 what led me in there--,i wanted to see 
a revival6  ,after the sermon was over1 
an old white-haired man came stumbling  
into the seat where ,i was1 and sat down
 beside me4  ,young pusson1 he said1 do 
you want to be convarted8 ,what does it 
feel like8 ,i asked4  ,he rose up1 and  
stood swelling out his waistcoat        
visibly4  ,it feels as if earth can't   
contain yer at times1 and 'even's only  
big enough for yer4  ,thank you1 ,i     
said2 ,i shouldn't care to feel that    
size4  ,earth is big enough for me at   
present1 and ,i walked out4'  ,a burst  
of laughter from behind announced that  

the gentlemen had entered the room4     
,kenneth came up to us1 and planted     
himself on the hearthrug in front of us4
  ',are you treating ,goody ,two-,shoes 
to one of your stories8' he asked4  ',we
 are having a very serious              
conversation1' said ,miss ,willoughby1  
in her clear1 loud voice1 'and do not   
wish to be interrupted4  ,now1 ,miss    
,thorn1 is your experience like that of 
the old chapel saint8  ,i have always   
heard that the godly were very big in   
their own estimation1 but never quite so
 big as that ,i ,how big do you feel8   
,tell us4  ,i have a fancy1 if ,i were  
to try to attain to it1 that it would be
 the old fable of the toad and the ox   
again being enacted4  ,what is your     
opinion8'  ',it is not a subject for    
jesting1' ,i said gravely2 and ,i rose  
from my seat to move away4  ,she        
laughingly caught hold of both my hands 
and detained me4  ',now you are my      
prisoner1 and ,i shall not let you      
escape till you have answered a few     

questions4  ,i have been doing my best  
to become acquainted with you1 but you  
listen and reply in monosyllables1 which
 is most unsociable4  ,you leave me to  
do all the talking1 and ,i want to hear 
your side of the question4  ,is she     
always so silent1 ,kenneth8'  ',silence 
marks her displeasure1' ,kenneth        
replied1 laughing4  ',i don't like sulky
 natures1' ,miss ,willoughby went on    
provokingly1 without giving me time to  
speak4  ',i don't think she is shy1 and 
,i have said nothing to displease her4  
,my object has been to become friends   
with her1 but ,i'm afraid she thinks me 
too unworthy of her friendship4 ,now1   
,miss ,thorn1--what a baby face it is1  
to be sure6--look up and speak4  ,you   
don't seem so glib on the subject as you
 ought to be4  ,what is conversion8     
,enlighten us4'  ,i looked up at my     
tormentor4  ',you will find the best    
definition of it in the dictionary1 if  
you are anxious to know1' ,i said4      
',that is evading my question4  ,i begin

 to think you have a good deal of       
cowardice in your composition4  ,you are
 afraid to show your colours4 ,now ,i am
 going to ask you a straightforward     
question1 and ,i expect a               
straightforward reply4  ,are you        
converted8'  ,hugh and ,mr4 ,stanton at 
this juncture joined our group1 and     
there was a sudden lull in the          
conversation4  ,miss ,willoughby1       
without relinquishing her hold of me1   
turned towards them with a face brimful 
of fun4  ',it's a case being tried1' she
 said to them4  ',i am cross-examining a
 witness4'  ',a prisoner1 ,i should     
say1' observed ,hugh drily4  ',i shall  
not run away1 ,miss ,willoughby1' ,i    
said1 trying to speak amicably4  ,she   
dropped my hands at once1 and ,i hoped  
the subject would be changed2 but such  
was not her intention4  ',i am waiting  
for your answer1' she pursued4  ',are   
you converted8'  ,i held my head erect  
and looked her straight in the face4    
',yes1 ,i am4'  ',good6  ,when were you 

converted8  ,no hesitation4  ,you are   
bound in honour not to run away from me1
 and ,i have several more questions yet 
to ask4'  ',about six months ago in     
,london1'  ,my tone was grave4  ,i did  
not know how this was going to end4     
',describe the process4'  ',that ,i     
refuse to do1 ,miss ,willoughby4'       
',then ,i shall not believe in you1 for 
,i expect you can't do it4  ,and it is a
 selfish1 unkind spirit to refuse to    
enlighten an inquirer4  ,my old chapel  
friend was far kinder4  ,you good people
 say conversion is a blessing2 yet1 when
 ,i want to know how to get it1 you     
refuse to assist me4'  ',if you want to 
know the way1 the ,bible will show you1'
 ,i said in a low voice4  ',the ,bible6 
,i heard a clergyman say once that the  
,bible did not teach conversion6'  ',but
 our ,lord did4  ,except ye be          
converted1 and become as little         
children1 ye shall not enter into the   
kingdom of heaven4'  ,it was ,mr4       
,stanton who spoke1 and every one looked

 up astonished4  ',do you know all about
 these things1 ,mr4 ,stanton8'          
questioned ,miss ,willoughby1 as she    
looked at him curiously4  ',i am glad to
 say ,i do1' he replied1 'and shall be  
pleased at any time to have a quiet talk
 with you about them4'  ,she shrugged   
her shoulders with a comic look of      
dismay at ,kenneth4  ',he looks as if he
 could be aggressive--it's a revelation 
to me2 ,i cannot get over it6  ,let us  
have some music to refresh us after such
 topics6'  ,she moved across to the     
piano1 and left me in peace for the     
remainder of the evening4     ,,chapter 
,,xii  ,a ,,test    ',as woods1 when    
shaken by the breeze1     ,take deeper1 
firmer root2   ,as winter's frosts but  
make the trees     ,abound in summer    
fruit2   ,so every bitter pang and throe
     ,that ,christian firmness tries1   
,but nerves us for our work below1      
,and forms us for the skies4'--,henry   
,francis ,lyte4   ,it was not to be     
wondered at that my thoughts dwelt much 

upon ,mr4 ,stanton for the next few     
days4  ,it was so strange to feel that  
there was another now in the house who  
was a follower of ,christ1 and ,i       
wondered if he would have a good        
influence over ,hugh4  ,one afternoon ,i
 was coming back from the village1 where
 ,i had been to give ,jim his reading   
lesson1 when ,mr4 ,stanton overtook me1 
and we walked home together4  ,i had    
never as yet seen him alone1 and felt a 
little shy of him2 but he soon made me  
feel at ease by his ready sympathy1 and 
,i found myself telling him of my       
different interests in the village4     
,and then he presently said1 ',do you   
find your life difficult at times in    
such surroundings8'  ',sometimes ,i do1'
 ,i responded1 'but never too           
difficult4'  ',no1' he said2 'we are    
never placed in circumstances where it  
is impossible to serve our ,master4  ,i 
sometimes wish a little more of the     
martial spirit could be instilled into  
many ,christians4  ,a true soldier does 

not shirk or shrink from the front in   
battle1 but a ,christian is very apt to 
hide his colours if he gets upon the    
enemy's ground4'  ',it is a puzzle to me
 sometimes1' ,i said1 'when it is best  
to keep silent and when to speak4       
,one's life ought to tell most amongst  
unconverted people1 and yet that tempts 
one sometimes to hide one's light4  ,it 
is easy to go on one's way quietly      
without saying a word to any one1 but   
perhaps it is not being faithful4  ,what
 do you think about it1 ,mr4 ,stanton8' 
',i think1' he said1 'if we are living  
close to the ,master1 ,he will never    
leave us in doubt as to when the        
opportunity for speaking occurs4 ,if we 
are ready and waiting on ,him1 we shall 
be led to do the right thing4  ,many    
good people do more harm than good by   
making up their minds that they are     
bound to deliver a message1 whether the 
occasion warrants it or not4  ,and then 
it is often done in their own strength1 
and not in the power of the ,spirit4  ,i

 think the answer to all such           
difficulties is3 ,live close to ,christ1
 and let ,him give you your orders--no  
one else4  ,the longer ,i live1 the more
 strongly ,i feel how useless it is to  
go by other ,christians' experiences4   
,god leads us all in different ways4    
,let us strive to learn the sound of    
,his slightest whisper1 and take ,his   
,word only as our guide4  ,we cannot go 
wrong then4'  ,we talked on till we     
reached home4  ,i could not help feeling
 the comfort of having some one to speak
 to on the subjects that were so dear to
 me4  ,i had had so few to help or      
advise me1 and though ,i knew the truth 
of what ,mr4 ,stanton said1 that we     
could not frame our lives by others'    
experiences1 yet1 as a young ,christian1
 ,i felt refreshed and strengthened by  
his words4  ,when ,i said something of  
this sort to him1 he smiled4  ',you have
 not suffered by the loneliness of your 
position1 ,miss ,thorn2 it has only     
brought you to know ,christ more        

intimately1 and to lean upon ,him       
harder4  ,i have seen a good deal of    
young ,christians pinning their faith to
 a human being3 in some cases a friend  
who has been the means of their         
conversion1 or a favourite preacher4    
,it is natural1 but ,satan often uses it
 as a snare4  ,the ,master is not       
appealed to so often as the friend4  ,he
 sinks into the background1 and when the
 friend is removed they feel utterly    
stranded1 and in some cases fall back in
 their ,christian life4'  ,when we      
reached the house1 we found every one in
 the drawing-room at tea4  ,miss        
,willoughby was in high spirits4  ,she  
was organizing some tableaux that the   
,forsyths were trying to get up1 and was
 pressing every one into her service4   
',now1 ,hilda ,thorn1' she said         
laughingly1 as ,i entered the room1 ',i 
am going to ask you a great favour4     
,don't purse up that little mouth of    
yours in anticipation4  ,it is nothing  
sinful1 upon my honour it is not4'      

',you shall not torment her till she has
 had a cup of tea1' said ,nelly         
good-naturedly4  ',come and sit down by 
me1 ,hilda4'  ',will you give her plenty
 of sugar then1 please1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth8'
 ,miss ,willoughby pursued2 ',i want her
 temper sweetened4'  ',i don't think she
 possesses a temper1' put in ,kenneth4  
',i know for a fact that ,i often lose  
mine in trying to make her lose hers6'  
',if she never loses it1 she must have  
it in her possession1' said ,miss       
,willoughby drily2 and every one        
laughed4  ',what is it you want8' ,i    
asked a few moments after1 having       
disposed of my tea4  ',just at present  
we want a little soothing4  ,there is an
 east wind to-day1 and not being a piece
 of perfection like yourself1 ,i feel on
 edge6  ,i have not been treated well4  
,i had my eye on ,mr4 ,stanton for ,king
 ,arthur1 and ,hugh tells me they are   
dining in town on the #fth1 which is the
 date we have fixed4  ,i suspect they   
have arranged it between them4  ,then   

,constance and ,i want to pose for the  
same character2 she thinks she is better
 suited to it than ,i1 and she likes her
 own way4  ,i think the contrary1 and ,i
 like mine4  ,and the fact is that ,i've
 been told that you are a great         
violinist--,music hath power to soothe  
the savage breast4  ,will you do us the 
favour of playing to us now8  ,we shall 
feel more peaceably disposed towards    
each other afterwards1 ,i know4'  ,i    
willingly complied1 and played one thing
 after another4  ,when ,i put down my   
violin1 ,i saw ,miss ,willoughby give an
 approving nod towards ,mrs4 ,forsyth1  
and then she said1 ',thank you--that is 
a great treat4 ,now ,i feel at peace    
with all mankind2 do you8'  ',i think ,i
 generally do1' ,i replied4  ',well1    
now1 what ,i want to ask you is         
this1--and ,i am sure you will not be so
 ill-natured as to refuse1--would you   
mind playing a little like that just    
behind a screen for us8  ,you won't be  
seen at all1 and no one will know who it

 is4  ,nelly says you have scruples     
about taking part in tableaux2 but of   
course this could not be an objection4' 
,miss ,willoughby dropped the           
half-mocking tone in which she usually  
addressed me1 and for an instant ,i felt
 ,i could not refuse4  ,nelly saw my    
hesitation1 and took advantage of it4   
',do say ,yes1 ,hilda2 we want a violin1
 and ,violet does play so atrociously2  
there is no one about here that can do  
it as well as you4  ,it will only be for
 about ten minutes4'  ',why do you want 
it8' ,i asked4  ',i will tell you1' said
 ,kenneth2 'we are to have some moving  
tableaux1 illustrating certain pithy    
sayings4  ,miss ,willoughby has         
mentioned the one we want you           
for1--,music hath charms1 etc4  ,i think
 ,i am to pose as one of the villains4  
,we are divided as to whether it is to  
be a duel or a cold-blooded murder2 but 
,i know my part is to transform my face 
from that in which diabolical hatred and
 fiendish rage is depicted1 into a      

gradual state of simpering1 smiling     
imbecility1 and ,i think the curtain    
will fall upon me and my rival locked in
 each other's arms1 shedding maudlin    
tears of love into our respective       
shirt-fronts6'  ',the moral is so       
awfully good1' urged ,nelly2 'do be     
obliging just this once1 ,hilda4'  ',of 
course she is going to do it1' said     
,miss ,willoughby4  ',i will give you an
 answer to-morrow1' ,i said slowly1 and 
taking up my hat and cloak ,i left the  
room4  ,it was hard sometimes to keep   
clear of the gaiety around me1 and this 
was one of the cases in which ,i much   
wished for advice4  ,i felt inclined to 
appeal to ,mr4 ,stanton2 he had stood a 
little apart from the others talking to 
,general ,forsyth1 but ,i felt sure that
 he had been within earshot of the whole
 conversation4  ,yet his words that     
afternoon came back to me4  ,i must get 
my orders from my ,master1 and not from 
him4  ,and1 as so often before1 ,i went 
down on my knees in my room1 and with my

 ,bible before me sought the advice ,i  
needed4  ,i felt1 when ,i at length     
rose1 that ,i was best out of it        
altogether4  ,i knew my wish to oblige  
them and show them that ,i had no       
ill-feeling about it might land me into 
further difficulties4  ,it would be the 
thin end of the wedge4  ,and though ,i  
dreaded the scoffing remarks of ,miss   
,willoughby1 and knew she would be      
really put out by my refusal1 my mind   
was quite made up1 and meeting her on   
the stairs going down to dinner two     
hours later1 ,i told her ,i could not do
 it4  ,she only laughed at me4          
',nonsense1 child6 you will think better
 of it2 don't be in such a hurry to     
refuse4'  ,then1 drawing my arm within  
hers1 she went on in a coaxing tone as  
we descended the stairs together3 ',i   
have taken a liking to you1 ,hilda1 for 
,i feel you have a true ring about you4 
,i am afraid ,i am a dreadful tease1 but
 ,i tell you honestly ,i admire and     
respect your religious views4  ,much    

better be one thing or the other--and   
there is no uncertain sound about you4  
,but don't you think it a pity in the   
present instance if1 in your mistaken   
zeal1 you would lose the opportunity of 
rendering us a little service1 and so   
commending your religion practically to 
us8  ,i was talking to a gentleman the  
other day who said1 ,what ,i object to  
so much in these so-called good people  
is their extreme selfishness and        
indifference to the likes and dislikes  
of those with whom they live2 good      
nature and the ordinary common little   
courtesies of life seem altogether      
lacking in their composition4  ,this    
isn't much we are asking of you1 and ,i 
don't think you will refuse4  ,five     
minutes only we want from you4  ,you    
needn't be present at the tableaux at   
all2 people will think it is some hired 
musician in the background1 and you can 
escape to your room immediately         
afterwards4  ,if you refuse1 do you     
think it will bring credit on your      

religion8  ,it's the only favour ,i have
 ever asked of you1 and it is such a    
little kindness to do4'  ,it was hard1  
in the face of this1 to adhere to my    
resolve4  ,if ,i had not come straight  
from prayer1 ,i don't believe ,i could  
have withstood her4  ',i am afraid you  
will think me very disagreeable1' ,i    
said as gently as ,i could2 'but ,i have
 thought over it1 and have made up my   
mind that it is best for me not to take 
part in the tableaux at all4  ,i think  
with a little practice ,violet will do  
what you require4'  ,miss ,willoughby's 
face was not a pleasant one to see when 
she saw ,i really was in earnest4  ,she 
dropped my arm at once1 and seeing      
,kenneth hovering about in the hall she 
went up to him1 ',take me out into the  
balcony2 ,i want a change of atmosphere4
  ,your converted people are all alike4 
,a nasty1 spiteful1 ill-natured set of  
canting hypocrites6'  ',it's war to the 
knife between you two now1' whispered   
,kenneth to me as we went in to dinner2 

'and ,i warn you she will give you no   
quarter4 ,she is not accustomed to have 
her plans thwarted4  ,you had better    
give in6'  ,i wondered why ,miss        
,willoughby should have set her heart so
 upon my helping them2 but that night1  
when ,i went to bed1 ,i was enlightened4
  ,miss ,graham tapped at my door1 and  
asked if she might come in for a few    
minutes4  ,she very often had a         
firelight talk with me at bedtime4  ,i  
was not feeling inclined for it now1 for
 ,miss ,willoughby1 though purposely    
ignoring me in the drawing-room after   
dinner1 had been lavish with her biting 
sarcasm on ,christianity and some of its
 followers4  ,mr4 ,stanton had instantly
 come forward1 upon hearing some of her 
remarks1 and in the discussion that     
followed she had been decidedly worsted4
  ,mr4 ,stanton was not a man to be     
trifled with1 and he told her some very 
plain truths4  ,from getting excited1   
she finally lost her temper1 and the    
evening had ended unpleasantly for us   

all4  ,i felt ,i had been the innocent  
cause of it1 and was too much perturbed 
in spirit to relish a long chat with    
,miss ,graham4  ,she surprised me by    
alluding at once to the subject of my   
thoughts4 ',have you consented to play  
for them at the tableaux8'  ',no1' ,i   
said a little wearily as ,i sat down1   
and drew a chair forward for her4  ',i  
have told ,miss ,willoughby ,i cannot do
 it4'  ',is that your final decision8   
,does she know it is8'  ',yes1 and she  
is very vexed about it4'  ',of course   
she is4  ,my dear ,hilda1 ,i am glad4   
,i think ,i must tell you now about it4 
,she is a clever woman1 but not a good  
one4  ,do you know that it has been a   
regular trap for you8  ,governesses are 
not supposed to have ears--and yesterday
 ,i was giving ,violet a music lesson1  
when she and ,mr4 ,kenneth and ,miss    
,forsyth came in4  ,they went over to   
the window seat1 and there began talking
 over these tableaux4  ,they did not    
lower their voices1 and she made a bet  

with ,mr4 ,kenneth that she would make  
you take part in them4  ,he laughed at  
her1 but she said she was in earnest1   
and then when he had left the room she  
propounded her plan to ,constance4  ,if 
you had agreed to play for them1--which 
she said she was pretty sure she would  
make you do1--she was going to arrange  
that just before the curtain fell the   
screen should be suddenly shifted from  
in front of you1 and you would then be  
in full view of the audience4  ,you     
were1 in fact1 to personify the girl for
 whom the two rivals were fighting4'    
',but1' ,i said1 quite bewildered1 ',i  
should not have been dressed for the    
occasion4  ,how could she imagine such a
 plan would succeed8'  ',it was all to  
be arranged4  ,she said your cream silk 
would be just the thing1 and ,mr4       
,forsyth was to tell you to wear it that
 night for dinner4  ,i assure you ,miss 
,willoughby was quite determined that   
she should succeed4  ,i am very glad she
 has failed1 for it would be a shabby   

trick to play any one1 and ,i was very  
vexed that it should be played on you4' 
,i was silent4  ,miss ,graham's words   
were a revelation to me1 and ,i wondered
 what ,i had done to cause ,miss        
,willoughby to act so4  ,and ,i         
understood her anger at having had her  
plans so frustrated4  ,how thankful ,i  
was that ,i had not yielded to her      
entreaties6  ,after a pause1 ,miss      
,graham said1 ',you must have a         
wonderful grip of unseen things1 ,hilda1
 to live your life here so cheerily and 
brightly1 when you have such constant   
difficulties and disagreeables arising  
between you and the girls4'  ,i looked  
up at her4  ',it is a happy life1 ,miss 
,graham1 and no circumstances can ever  
make it otherwise4'  ,she leant forward 
in the firelight1 and1 taking one of my 
hands in hers1 said rather brokenly1    
with tears glistening in her eyes1--    
',i have wanted to tell you--,i must    
to-night2 ,i think it will cheer you to 
know that ,i have found what you have4  

,do you remember those few words you    
said to me in the wood soon after you   
first came8  ,i could never forget them4
  ,and ,i was troubled for long         
afterwards4  ,but ,i see it all so      
differently now2 salvation is not to be 
earned1 as you said to me1 but to be    
received4  ,and ,i think when one       
receives salvation1 one receives the    
,giver with it4  ,i know ,i have found  
it so--it does indeed make life         
different4'  ',oh1 ,miss ,graham1 ,i am 
so glad6' ,i said1 and1 unable to check 
myself1 ,i burst into tears4  ,i think  
,i was overwrought1 and this coming on  
the top of my other trouble1 proved too 
much for me4  ',how long have you--have 
you known this8' ,i asked1 and in the   
fulness of my heart ,i leant over and   
kissed her4  ',i don't know1' she said  
with a smile2 ',i have been seeking for 
it on my knees and with my ,bible night 
after night4  ,sometimes ,i fancied ,i  
had the assurance of it1 and then it    
seemed to leave me4  ,i think when you  

were at ,miss ,rayner's ,i seemed to    
doubt less and trust more4  ,and now ,i 
don't think ,i have a doubt at all4  ,i 
am staking my assurance on verses like  
,john vi4 #cg4  ,it was seeing you live 
your life here that showed me you must  
have the real thing1 and made me long to
 have it too4'  ,she left me soon after1
 and ,i sat on by my fire with silent   
thanks in my heart for this news4  ,god 
had indeed been good to me1 and ,i felt 
especially grateful that ,i had been    
sent such comfort and cheer after a     
rather trying evening4     ,,chapter    
,,xiii  ,,taken ,,home    ',but ,i like 
to think of him passing1   ,like a clear
 early star1   ,into that quiet region 4
 4 4   ,i like to think of his little   
feet   ,climbing the heavenly stair1    
,of his eyes in their wondering meekness
   ,waking to glory there4'   ,the next 
morning ,i was out in the garden picking
 a few late chrysanthemums1 when ,mr4   
,stanton passed by me4  ,he stopped for 
a moment4  ',what answer have you given 

about the tableaux8' he asked1 with a   
smile4  ',i have declined to play1' ,i  
said4  ',i told ,miss ,willoughby so    
yesterday evening before dinner4'  ,he  
looked away thoughtfully into the       
distance1 and then said quietly1 ',that 
accounted for her vexation last night4  
,i wondered why she was so bitter4      
,poor girl6 one feels sorry for a life  
like that4'  ,then looking at me rather 
intently1 he asked1 ',is the violin     
consecrated to ,god1 ,miss ,thorn8'  ',i
 don't know1' ,i stammered2 ',i hope so1
 but ,i don't keep it for sacred music  
only4  ,i play to them when they want me
 to4  ,is that wrong8 ,surely not6  ,and
 ,i love it so myself2 it seems to raise
 my thoughts heavenwards4  ,do you think
 ,i ought to play nothing but hymns on  
it8'  ,he laughed4  ',no1 ,i do not2 and
 if ,i did1 you ought not to take my    
words as a leading to you4  ,for myself1
 ,i believe that music is a gift        
entrusted to us by our ,father1 and if  
we give innocent pleasure to others by  

our talent we are not using it in vain4 
,only ,i think you were wise in keeping 
clear of the tableaux4  ,if you mingle  
in one thing1 you must in another1 and a
 ,christian has to walk very carefully  
if he wishes to preserve unbroken       
communion with his ,god4'  ,he said no  
more1 and left me4  ,as ,i came into our
 morning room a little time after1 ,i   
heard ,miss ,willoughby's animated      
voice1--  ',i should like to clear them 
both out of the house4  ,he is the least
 objectionable1 as he can be            
entertaining when he chooses1 but ,i    
can't imagine why she should take up her
 abode here4  ,it is not a question of  
charity4'  ,here she noticed my         
entrance1 but calmly went on talking to 
,constance as if ,i were not there4     
',let her take herself off to some      
nursing ,sisterhood or slum work in the 
,east of ,london4  ,i hate a            
half-and-half kind of person4  ,if they 
are too good to live our life and mingle
 in our society1 let them take up a     

religious vocation1 instead of being a  
perpetual source of annoyance and       
aggravation to those they are with4'    
,constance gave a slight laugh1 then    
changed the conversation4  ,i put my    
flowers in water1 then left the room    
without a word4  ,i found ,kenneth's    
words very true4  ,miss ,willoughby     
could not forgive me1 and ,i was        
constantly reminded of her dislike to my
 presence4  ,constance sided with her2  
she had never liked me1 and ,nelly1     
though now and then warm in my defence1 
seemed to be a little afraid of         
disagreeing with her1 and rather kept   
out of my way when her cousin was near4 
,it was trying to bear and her words now
 set me thinking1 as ,i had sometimes   
thought before4  ,should ,i be wiser to 
leave the ,forsyths1 and go into work of
 some sort that would be more congenial8
  ,if my presence in the house was a    
trial to them1 why should ,i not relieve
 them of it8  ,and yet at present ,i    
hardly saw the way plain before me4     

',dwell deep1' ,i said to myself4       
',miss ,willoughby will not be here     
always1 and ,i have had the cheer of    
,miss ,graham4  ,i have much to be      
thankful for4'  ,it was indeed a comfort
 to me to be able to talk over things   
with ,miss ,graham4  ,we began having a 
little ,bible reading and prayer        
together at night1 and it refreshed and 
strengthened us both4  ,she seemed to   
have taken such a firm hold of the      
truth1 and to have such a freshness in  
her enjoyment of her ,bible1 that it did
 me good to hear her talk4  ,now and    
then1 too1 ,i enjoyed a few words with  
,mr4 ,stanton1 but not very often4  ,he 
and ,hugh were much up in town1 and he  
was very busy writing some scientific   
book in which ,hugh was helping4  ,once 
,hugh had asked me to go in and play on 
my violin to them in the dusk before    
dinner2 but ,mrs4 ,forsyth had told me  
afterwards she would rather ,i did not  
do it again1 and ,i took care not to    
repeat it4  ,i was left very much to    

myself while the preparations for the   
tableaux were going on1 and when the    
night came ,i found that ,mrs4 ,forsyth 
had no objection to my having a         
schoolroom tea with ,violet and ,miss   
,graham1 and so keeping out of the way  
of it all4  ,violet was allowed in to   
see them1 but ,miss ,graham did not care
 to go1 and she and ,i spent a very     
pleasant evening together4 ,miss        
,willoughby and her brother left a few  
days after2 but up to the last day she  
was unsparing in her comments and gibes 
on everything serious4  ,she was        
ridiculing me on the morning of the day 
she left1 when we were gathered round   
the drawing-room fire just before       
luncheon4 ,i could not well make my     
escape1 so bore it as quietly as ,i     
could2 but to my surprise ,kenneth      
turned upon her4  ',now look here1      
,florence1' he said1 'you have had it   
all your own way since ,goody made you  
lose your bet2 don't you think you can  
part from her in peace8  ,she has stood 

your fire well4  ,i like to see fair    
play1 and ,i think you have had your    
innings4  ,upon my word1 ,i give her a  
good dose on occasions1 just to keep her
 from getting too uppish and trying to  
ride it with a high hand over us2 but   
you beat me altogether6'  ,miss         
,willoughby laughed a little scornfully1
 but she took the hint1 and when she    
said good-bye her better nature overcame
 her4  ',well1 we will part as friends1 
,miss ,thorn4  ,your face is the best   
part of you2 your views are odious1 but 
no doubt you mean well4  ,i bear no     
malice2 do you8'  ',no1' ,i said1       
looking up at her gravely2 'but ,i do   
wish you understood my motives better4' 
,she laughed and turned away1 and so we 
parted4  ,i found everything easier     
after her departure4  ,one evening we   
were just going in to dinner1 when one  
of the servants came up to me4  ',if you
 please1 miss1 a message has come from  
the village that ,jim ,carter is ill1   
and wants to see you at once4'  ,i knew 

the boy had been poorly1 for two days   
before ,i had found him in bed with a   
bad sore throat1 and we had had to      
postpone the reading lesson4  ,his uncle
 said it was a cold1 but ,i had thought 
then it was a severe one4  ,i turned to 
ask ,mrs4 ,forsyth if she would excuse  
my coming in to dinner1 but she would   
not hear of this4  ',it is great        
impertinence to send up at our dinner   
hour with such a request4  ,i cannot    
agree to your running down to the       
village as late as this4  ,the boy must 
wait till to-morrow4'  ',oh1 let me just
 run down after dinner1 then6' ,i       
pleaded4  ',i am afraid he must really  
be very ill4'  ',what is the matter with
 him8  ,if it is anything infectious1   
you must not go near him4'  ',i think it
 is a bad cold4'  ',come in to dinner at
 once4  ,we cannot keep every one       
waiting4'  ,i obeyed1 but was very      
silent through the meal4  ,my thoughts  
were with ,jim1 and ,i longed to be with
 him4  ,hugh1 who was sitting next me1  

asked why ,i was so grave4  ,when ,i    
told him1 he said1 ',i am going out for 
a smoke after dinner1 so ,i will take   
you if you like4  ,the mother won't have
 any objection then1 ,i fancy4'  ,i     
thanked him1 and ,mrs4 ,forsyth giving  
her consent1 an hour later we left the  
house together4  ,as we were walking    
down the lane1 ,hugh said abruptly1     
',how do you like ,stanton8'  ',very    
much1' ,i said2 'is he going to stay    
much longer8'  ',i have just persuaded  
him to stay over ,christmas4  ,he has no
 belongings of his own1 and ,i fancy    
finds his country house rather dreary4' 
',i wonder he doesn't marry4'  ,hugh    
looked at me rather curiously1 then     
said1 ',he is too particular4 ,you good 
people are hard to please6'  ',have you 
known him long8'  ',no1 ,i was          
introduced to him last spring in town2  
but we have seen a good bit of each     
other since4  ,he is one of the few ,i  
know who reconcile science and religion 
together4  ,and ,i will acknowledge he  

has made me change some of my opinions  
about those matters4  ,he is rather a   
big man in the literary world4'  ',i am 
always thankful when clever men are true
 ,christians1' ,i said2 'so many people 
think that the two can never co-exist4' 
,when we reached ,jim's home1 ,hugh said
 he would wait outside for me4  ,i found
 old ,roger sitting by the boy's bed1   
with real trouble in his face4  ,jim    
himself lay back almost motionless1     
except for a slight movement of his     
lips4  ,at the bottom of his small bed  
little ,roddy was perched1 his round    
eyes looking full of interest and       
curiosity1 and ,roddy's mother was      
bustling about1 every now and then      
putting her apron to her eyes4  ,i bent 
over ,jim1 and called him by name4  ,he 
opened his eyes1 and smiled feebly2 then
 ,i caught the murmured words1 ',read me
 about the city4'  ',he's very ill1'    
whispered old ,roger to me2 'an' we     
can't get no doctor--but we've sent for 
'un now4  ,i thought ,i could a doctored

 him myself2 but it's no good4  ,he's   
'ad no food for four-and-twenty hours4' 
',it's inflammation of the throat or    
windpipe1 ,i think1' put in ,roddy's    
mother4  ',i only knew he was so bad    
to-day1 or ,i'd have been up sooner4'   
,the sick boy's eyes looked at me       
wistfully1 and again ,i caught the      
words1 ',the city--,i think ,i'm going  
there4'  ,i turned to my little ,bible1 
which ,i had brought with me1 and read a
 few verses from the seventh and two    
last chapters in ,revelation4  ,his eyes
 brightened2 he repeated slowly and with
 great difficulty1 ',washed--made white 
in the blood of the ,lamb4'  ',yes1' ,i 
said gently1 as ,i laid my hand on his  
fevered brow2 'and you have been washed1
 have you not1 ,jim8'  ,he nodded2 and  
here little ,roddy burst forth eagerly1 
',is ,jim goin' to heaven8'  ',we don't 
know1' ,i said2 'but he is quite ready  
to go if ,jesus wants him4'  ',what time
 will he get there8' demanded ,roddy4   
',will he get there to-morrow day8'     

,his mother hushed him1 and then old    
,roger asked me to pray with them1 which
 ,i did as simply as ,i could1 for ,i   
saw ,jim's eyes following my every      
movement1 and knew he was quite         
conscious4  ',i think ,i will take      
,roddy home to bed1 and step up again1' 
said ,mrs4 ,walters1 'if you're so good 
as to stay here with the old man1 miss4 
,the doctor won't be long now1 ,i'm     
thinkin'4'  ,roddy stoutly resisted     
being taken away at first4  ',i wants to
 see ,jim go4  ,i wants to see the      
angels come for him6'  ,when he was     
finally pacified1 and about to be led   
away1 he trotted up to ,jim1 and putting
 his rosy mouth against his cheek1 said 
in a loud whisper1 ',i sends my love to 
,jesus1 ,jim4  ,will you 'member8'  ,and
 when ,jim smiled and nodded1 he        
departed with his mother1 looking back  
with a shining face to say1--           
',good-bye1 ,jim4  ,you send me a post  
letter when you get to heaven1 like     
uncle does to mother6'  ,i sat on       

quietly for a little while1 with ,jim's 
hot hand clasped in mine1 repeating some
 verses to him1 and then the doctor     
arrived1 and ,hugh put his head in      
rather impatiently at the door4  ,jim   
would not leave go of my hand at first1 
but the doctor rather roughly put me    
aside4  ',never bend over a sick person 
so1' he said to me2 'especially if it's 
a case of a bad throat4'  ,i went to the
 door to ,hugh4  ',i am so sorry1' ,i   
said1 'but ,i promised ,mrs4 ,walters to
 stay till she returned1 and ,i should  
like to hear what the doctor says4      
,would you mind waiting a short time    
longer8'  ,he grumbled a little1 but    
allowed me ten minutes more4  ,the      
doctor did not stay very long1 and then 
he came to me with a grave face4        
',there is nothing to be done for him   
now1' he said2 'it is too late4  ,i     
don't want to alarm you1 but it is      
diphtheria4  ,if ,i had been called in  
earlier1 ,i might have saved him4  ,you 
had better not stay4  ,i doubt if the   

poor lad will last through the night4   
,is there any one besides this old man8'
  ',a neighbour is coming back          
directly1' ,i answered1 my heart sinking
 within me at the tidings4  ',you will  
just let me wish him good-bye8'  ',if   
you have been with him much already it  
will not matter4  ,not too close to him1
 please4'  ,i stood at the bottom of the
 bed1 and ,jim's eyes at once sought    
mine questioningly4  ,i tried to smile4 
',i mustn't stay1 ,jim2 you are in the  
arms of ,jesus1 remember4  ,good-bye4'  
,his lips moved1 but ,i could catch no  
sound2 only a faint smile crossed his   
face1 and ,i turned to the door to hide 
the tears already springing to my eyes4 
,i had seen a great deal of ,jim lately1
 and our reading lessons had drawn us   
very close together4  ,he seemed to have
 grasped the truth as a little child1   
and ,i had no fears about his being one 
of the ,lord's flock4  ,mrs4 ,walters   
entered the house directly after ,i had 
left ,jim4  ,she was very concerned when

 she learnt what it was1 and anxious    
about ,roddy1 but promised to stay all  
night4  ,one word ,i had with old ,roger
 before ,i left4  ',ah6' he said1 with a
 shake of his head1 in response to the  
bit of comfort ,i tried to give him2 ',i
 might a known the boy would be taken4  
,he has been gettin' so fond of spellin'
 out of my big ,bible lately1 and mostly
 his talk has been of heaven1 and the   
beautiful city1 as he calls it4  ,well1 
the ,lord wants him1 and ,i'm not the   
one to say naught against the ,lord's   
dealin's4  ,he's allays merciful1 the   
,lord is1 and maybe my time will be     
comin' soon4'  ,when ,i joined ,hugh    
outside ,i found ,mr4 ,stanton with him4
  ,he told me ,mrs4 ,forsyth was getting
 anxious at my long stay1 and wished me 
to return immediately4  ,he had         
volunteered to come down with the       
message4  ,i told them a little about   
,jim1 but my heart was too full to say  
much1 and we walked home very silently4 
,just as we were reaching the hall door1

 ,hugh happened to ask what was the     
matter with him1 and when ,i told him1  
both he and ,mr4 ,stanton looked much   
concerned4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth was really   
angry when she knew4  ',i wish ,i had   
prevented your going altogether4  ,i    
can't conceive what made you stay such a
 time with him2 it was most             
inconsiderate of you4 ,i wish you had   
never taken up with these village boys2 
it is a constant anxiety to me that you 
may bring back infectious diseases from 
their homes4'  ,i told her how it was ,i
 had stayed so long1 and then asked to  
be excused coming into the drawing-room 
that evening4  ,i wanted to be alone2 it
 had all seemed so sudden and unexpected
 that ,i could hardly realize it4       
,early the next morning the village     
church bell began to toll1 and ,i knew  
that my eldest scholar had gone home4   
,it was a real grief to me1 and yet for 
his sake ,i could not regret it4  ,how  
thankful ,i was now that ,i had taken   
him into my ,sunday class1 in spite of  

his age6  ,it seemed as if it was a     
special bit of work that ,god ,himself  
had given me1 and ,i thanked ,him for it
 on my knees in the midst of my tears4  
,i heard afterwards that he had not     
spoken to any one afterwards1 or taken  
the slightest notice of anything1 but   
had passed peacefully away about four   
o'clock in the morning4  ,roddy remarked
 cheerfully1 when he heard it1 ',jim    
will be glad now1 won't he1 mother8  ,i 
wish the angels would come for me1 too6'
     ,,chapter ,,xiv  ,,wooed ,,and     
,,won    ',beloved6 let us love so well1
 our work shall       still be better   
for our love1   ,and still our love be  
sweeter for our work2   ,and both       
commended for the sake of each1   ,by   
all true workers1 and true lovers       
born4'--,e4 ,b4 ,browning4   ,it seemed 
as if ,roddy's wish might be realized1  
for two days after he sickened with the 
same complaint4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth would   
not hear of my going near him1 and ,i   
had to be content with news from time to

 time through the different villagers4  
,i was not anxious about myself1 but ,i 
did not feel well1 and when my throat   
began to pain me ,i felt pretty sure    
that ,i was going to have it1 too4  ,i  
was meditating whether ,i should tell   
,mrs4 ,forsyth one afternoon1 as ,i sat 
by the morning-room fire1 when ,nelly   
and ,kenneth came in from a walk glowing
 with health and spirits4  ',now1' said 
,kenneth1 throwing himself full length  
on the sofa1 'we are very tired1 and    
want a rest4  ,get your fiddle and play 
to us in the gloaming1 ,goody6'  ,i did 
not feel much in the mood for it1 but ,i
 thought it would take off my thoughts  
from myself1 so ,i began to play4  ,and 
in the firelight1 with the flickering   
shadows over the room1 ,i lost all sense
 of my audience4  ,i seemed to see the  
golden gates of the ,beautiful ,city1   
and ,jim beckoning to both ,roddy and   
myself4  ',the ,lamb which is in the    
midst of the throne shall feed them1 and
 shall lead them unto living fountains  

of waters1 and ,god shall wipe away all 
tears from their eyes4'  ,these words   
came to me with a fresh realization of  
their beauty4  ,when ,i stopped playing1
 ,nelly was regarding me with round open
 eyes1 and ,kenneth took me quite aback 
by saying1 with cool deliberation1      
',there are moments1 ,goody ,two-,shoes1
 when you and your fiddle are before my 
eyes1 that ,i think ,i should like to   
marry you and take you away with me     
somewhere where you should charm me with
 those strains continually4  ,don't look
 so frightened4  ,we understand each    
other4  ,i know you wouldn't dream of   
having me1 so ,i am never going to ask  
you4 ,you have certainly a fit of       
inspiration on you to-night4  ,i don't  
think ,i have ever heard you play       
better4'  ',miss ,thorn has tired       
herself ,i think1' said a voice near the
 door2 and looking round1 ,i saw that   
,mr4 ,stanton had been an unseen        
listener4  ,i sat down in my chair by   
the fire4  ',i am tired1' ,i said4  ',i 

think ,i shall go to bed1 ,nelly4'      
,instantly ,mr4 ,stanton came forward   
and gave me his arm4  ',you are         
trembling all over1' he said very       
gently2 'lean on me4  ,i am afraid it is
 your throat4'  ,i looked up at him4    
',yes1' ,i said4  ',will you ask ,mrs4  
,forsyth to come to me8  ,i am so sorry 
to give her the anxiety1 but ,i am      
afraid ,i am going to be ill4'  ,there  
was a strange look in his eyes as his   
glance met mine--a look that haunted me 
through hours of weariness and pain     
afterwards4  ,it seemed so full of      
tender concern and anxiety2 but all he  
said was in a low tone as we left the   
room together1 ',the eternal ,god is thy
 refuge1 and underneath are the         
everlasting arms4'  ,nelly came with me 
to my room1 and in a very few moments   
her mother followed4  ,i feared what    
,mrs4 ,forsyth might say1 and began half
 apologising for the trouble ,i might   
give her2 but she cut me short1 and     
nothing could have been kinder or more  

restful than her words4  ,she told      
,nelly to leave the room1 helped me to  
bed herself1 saying1 ',don't talk or    
worry yourself1 child4  ,i have sent for
 the doctor4  ,it may be a very slight  
attack1 and the quieter you keep the    
better4  ,there is nothing for you to be
 anxious about4  ,i shall send my maid  
to you presently2 she is very good in   
sickness4  ,now lie still1 and don't    
talk to any one4  ,i only wish you had  
told me you were not feeling well       
before4'  ,the next week or ten days    
seemed like a dream2 ,i hardly knew how 
ill ,i was till afterwards2 but they had
 feared at one time that ,i would not   
pull through4  ,the verse that ,mr4     
,stanton gave me kept running through my
 head as a continual refrain3           
',underneath are the everlasting arms4' 
,and ,i found it a wonderful pillow to  
rest upon4  ,as ,i gradually recovered  
my health and strength1 ,i was          
astonished at the extreme kindness of   
all in the house4  ,my room was supplied

 with fresh flowers every day1 and all  
varieties of books and magazines were   
constantly making their appearance4     
,mrs4 ,forsyth was in and out of my room
 the whole time1 though she would not   
allow her daughters to come near me1 and
 nothing could have exceeded her        
kindness and attention4  ',how is       
,roddy8' was one of the first questions 
,i asked4  ,lyle1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth's maid1
 answered me4  ',he is getting well1    
miss4 ,his mother has been in a sore    
state of fright about him1 but the      
doctor was hopeful about him from the   
first4'  ,when ,christmas ,day came1 it 
found me still in my room2 but on ,new  
,year's ,day ,i made my first appearance
 downstairs4  ,i was surprised to find  
how weak ,i felt1 and was glad to rest  
on the couch which ,kenneth wheeled up  
towards the fire in the drawing-room for
 me4  ',we have missed you very much1'  
said ,kenneth1 with a twinkle in his eye
 that invariably came there when he     
spoke to me2 ',i fell to quarrelling    

with ,nell from lack of occupation2 she 
doesn't stand fire like you6 ,haven't   
you missed me8  ,i am sure you must     
have4'  ',i don't think ,i have thought 
of you once1' ,i replied with truth4    
',and who do you think sent you those   
beautiful flowers every day if ,i did   
not8'  ',i don't think it was you1' ,i  
said decidedly4  ,he laughed1 and ,nelly
 put in1 ',of course he didn't4  ,mr4   
,stanton was constantly bringing some   
back from ,london1 if he failed to coax 
old ,brown to cut him some from the     
houses4  ,i think he has been the most  
attentive one all through6'  ',of course
 he has4  ,i think he was longing to go 
in and read the ,bible to you1 if the   
mother had let him4  ,ministration of   
the sick1 don't you call it8  ,he will  
be very attentive yet1 ,i assure you4   
,we know the way the wind lies1 don't   
we1 ,nell8'  ',i know this1 that you are
 not going to bully ,hilda the very     
first day she comes down4'  ,kenneth    
turned away with his low chuckle1 and   

,nelly came up1 and sitting down by me1 
put her hand on mine caressingly4  ',you
 look as white and fragile as a piece of
 china1 ,hilda4  ,i am so glad you are  
better4  ,you don't know how we have    
missed you1 and when ,i thought we were 
going to lose you altogether ,i was     
miserable4  ,i thought over all the     
nasty things we had said to you1 and how
 you had borne it like an angel1 and    
then ,i thought you were going to be    
taken away because you were too good for
 us1 and ,i was wretched6'  ,her eyes   
were full of tears4  ,she added         
impulsively1 ',i prayed that you might  
be spared to us4  ,i promised ,god ,i   
would turn over a new leaf and be more  
serious1 and ,i want to keep that       
promise4  ,you will help me1 will you   
not8  ,i so often wish ,i was more like 
you6'  ',dear ,nelly1' ,i said1 tears   
coming to my own eyes1 ',i will do what 
,i can to help you4  ,i know you will   
never regret it if you do keep that     
promise6'  ,more we could not say then1 

for others came up1 ,mr4 ,stanton       
amongst them4  ,he smiled as he took my 
hand4  ',welcome back1 ,miss ,thorn4    
,are you glad to be amongst us again8'  
',yes1' ,i said1 looking up at him1 ',i 
think ,i am1 though at one time ,i      
thought ,i should like to go4  ,i did   
not think ,i would be missed4'  ,he did 
not answer for a minute1 then he said in
 a low voice1 ',i think the ,lord has   
more work for you to do yet in this     
corner of ,his vineyard4'  ,i thought of
 ,nelly1 and wondered if that was to be 
my work4  ,how often ,i had prayed that 
she might have the desire given to her  
to be different6  ,she had always       
appeared so perfectly content with her  
life1 that ,i wondered if anything would
 ever convince her of its emptiness4  ,i
 saw a great deal of ,mr4 ,stanton      
during my convalescence2 he would       
sometimes come into the morning-room    
where ,nelly and ,i spent most of our   
time1 and bring me a book or paper to   
read1 often sitting down and reading it 

himself to us4  ,and ,i soon lost all   
sense of constraint with him1 and could 
talk to him as unrestrainedly as ,i     
could to any one4  ,miss ,graham would  
often join us in her spare time1 and the
 days passed so pleasantly that ,i      
dreaded a change in them4  ,one         
afternoon ,i was lying back in an easy  
chair by the fire alone1 when ,mr4      
,stanton came in4  ',i thought ,i would 
enjoy a little chat with you before     
dinner1' he said4  ',i am going away in 
two days' time1 so may not have another 
opportunity4'  ,my heart sank within me1
 but ,i knew that it must come1 and     
steadied my voice as ,i replied simply1 
',i am sorry4'  ',are you8' he said1    
bending down over me with a look in his 
eyes that ,i could not meet4  ',will you
 miss me when ,i am gone8  ,i have such 
a longing to stay and surround you with 
the love and tenderness that ,i feel for
 you--to have the right of protecting   
and shielding you from so many things   
that must distress you in your life     

here4  ,i wonder what your feelings are 
towards me8  ,could you trust me with   
your dear little self1 or am ,i too old1
 and too grave to suit you8  ,do you    
care for me just a little--,hilda8'  ,i 
could not answer4  ,somehow or other ,i 
had never expected this or looked for   
it4  ,to have him as a friend was as    
much as ,i had ever hoped1 and ,i felt  
confused and bewildered by the thoughts 
of anything more4  ,he seemed to read my
 thoughts4  ',i have taken you by       
surprise2 do not give me your answer    
now4  ,i will wait till to-morrow4  ,i  
think ,i could make you happy1 my       
child1' and there was a little          
wistfulness in his tone4  ',i know how  
happy you would make me4'  ,i tried to  
speak1 but could not4  ,he stood up by  
the fireplace1 looking down at me       
silently for a moment1 then said1 ',do  
not distress yourself2 it is no light   
thing ,i am asking you--to give yourself
 away for life to one you know so       
comparatively little4  ,if ,i were a    

younger man1 ,i should not hesitate so4 
,but ,i do think we have a bond together
 which many have not--that of being     
fellow-workers and servants of the same 
,master4  ,and1' here his voice broke a 
little1 ',hilda1 dear child1 you have my
 love2 shall ,i be able to win yours8'  
,then1 as ,i was still silent1 he made a
 movement as if about to leave me4  ',i 
will not press you--give me an answer   
to-morrow4'  ,but by this time ,i knew  
my own heart4  ,i raised ply head and   
put my hand on his arm4  ',don't go1' ,i
 murmured2 ',i will give you the answer 
now4'  ,and the answer never got put    
into words1 for with his strong arm     
round me all doubts vanished1 and ,i    
knew that no one on earth occupied such 
a position in my heart as he did4  ',i  
don't know what ,general ,forsyth will  
say1' ,i said1 a little time after1 when
 ,i heard the first gong sound for      
dinner4  ',i had his permission to come 
to you1' was the reply4  ,i went into   
,mrs4 ,forsyth's boudoir before dinner1 

but she seemed to know all about it1 and
 kissed me in a most motherly fashion4  
',i can see what you have come to tell  
me1 child1 and you have the best wishes 
of both the general and myself4  ,you   
are exactly suited to each other in all 
your peculiar views1 and he is able to  
give you a comfortable home4  ,i thought
 when you were first taken ill how it   
would end1 he was so concerned about    
you6'  ,it certainly was a surprise to  
me that all in the house seemed to have 
expected it but myself4  ',it stands to 
reason1 my dear ,goody1' observed       
,kenneth when he heard it1 'that birds  
of a feather flock together4  ,i think  
myself he has the best of the bargain4  
,that is the first compliment ,i have   
ever paid you1 ,i believe6'  ,i seemed  
to live in a dream for the next few     
days1 for ,mr4 ,stanton--or ,philip1 as 
,i soon learnt to call him--postponed   
his departure for a week4  ,he took me  
out for drives on warm1 bright days1 and
 was continually with me4  ,it seemed to

 change my whole life1 and ,i could only
 thank ,god again and again for ,his    
goodness4  ,i suppose ,i had been so    
accustomed to live my life alone without
 receiving sympathy or help from any1   
that ,i had ceased to expect it1 and    
,philip's tender1 watchful care over me 
seemed sometimes more than ,i could     
bear4  ,i broke down one afternoon      
altogether1 and it was only some        
trifling little piece of attention on   
his part that did it4  ',you spoil me1' 
,i cried2 ',i have never had any one to 
care for my likes or dislikes before4   
,you will make me selfish1 ,philip4     
,don't be so good to me4'  ',i shall not
 spoil you1' he responded1 with a smile4
  ',i want to make your life brighter4  
,you have had plenty of loneliness in   
it1 and now ,i have the pleasure of     
altering all that4  ,dear child1 a      
little love and care will not make you  
selfish4'     ,,chapter ,,xv  ,a        
,,gathering ,,cloud    ',o friend6  ,o  
best of friends6  ,thy absence more     

,than the impending night darkens the   
landscape o'er6'--,longfellow4   ',miss 
,rayner is in the drawing-room1 and     
would like to see you1 miss1' was the   
message brought to me one afternoon4  ,i
 hastened in4  ,she had been to see me  
twice whilst ,i was ill1 but neither    
time was ,i well enough to enjoy her    
visit4  ,i had written to tell her of my
 engagement1 and was a little doubtful  
as to how she would receive the news4   
,i had not heard from her since4        
',well1' she said1 drawing me towards   
her by both hands1 'you haven't been    
long about this affair1 child6  ,you did
 not know such a person was in existence
 a couple of months ago4  ,and it isn't 
a curate1 after all6'  ',would you      
rather it had been1 ,miss ,rayner8' ,i  
asked1 laughing4  ',i abominate the     
tribe1 as you know1 but1 as far as ,i am
 concerned1 this ,mr4 ,stanton may not  
be much better4  ,who is he1 and what is
 he8 ,he is an unknown quantity to me6' 
',he is a ,christian and a gentleman1'  

,i said warmly 'and one of ,hugh's      
literary friends4'  ',a dreamy book-worm
 like ,hugh8  ,that does not commend him
 to me2 ,i should wish you something    
better4  ,now don't try to crush me with
 that fiery look4  ,how do ,i know what 
he is like8  ,i only know that you must 
have had very short acquaintance with   
him1 and you could afford to wait4  ,you
 are quite a child still4'  ',shall ,i  
call him and introduce him to you8  ,he 
is in the house1' ,i asked very quietly1
 for ,i knew ,miss ,rayner was only     
trying to draw me out4  ',not just yet2 
my call is on you this afternoon4  ,are 
you feeling strong again8  ,how that    
attack has pulled you down6  ,are they  
feeding you up well8'  ',yes1 ,i am     
getting well fast4'  ,she sat down and  
talked to me for some time1 and then    
allowed me to go and fetch ,philip4  ,i 
need not have been afraid of the result1
 though ,i had prepared him for her     
extremely blunt way of speaking4  ,as   
she shook hands with him1 she said1--   

',i have come over to see what you are  
like4  ,i take an interest in this child
 here1 and ,i was not best pleased at   
the news4  ,i hope you mean to be good  
to her4  ,are you sure you are suited to
 each other8'  ,philip was not in the   
slightest disconcerted by this speech1  
only a gleam of humour was in his eye as
 he replied1 ',that remains to be seen4 
,of course we think we are at present1  
but that is always the case4  ,i think  
you will allow ,i am strong enough to   
protect her1 and old enough to know my  
own mind4  ,i doubt if ,i am good enough
 for her1 but ,i am going to try to do  
my best4'  ,miss ,rayner was silent for 
a minute4  ,he added1 ',i am really glad
 to meet with any one who takes an      
interest in ,hilda4  ,her friends seem  
to be few and far between4  ,she has    
spoken to me of you1 and of how much she
 enjoyed her visit to you4'  ,and then  
they drifted into an easy1 amicable     
conversation one with the other1 whilst 
,i for the most part was silent1 only   

putting in a word now and then4         
,afterwards ,mrs4 ,forsyth came in1 and 
then ,miss ,rayner did not stay much    
longer4  ,i had one word alone with her 
in the hall4  ',i see by your anxious   
eyes what you want to ask1' she said    
good-naturedly1 pinching my cheek as she
 spoke4  ',i am slow to make friends1   
but he looks honest and good1 and is    
presentable2 you might do worse1 ,i     
suppose2 only don't be hurried into a   
hasty marriage1 ,i implore you4  ,get to
 know each other through and through    
first4  ,ah6 well1 you have knocked down
 one of my castles in the air1 but ,i   
might have expected it6  ,i am sure ,i  
wish you every happiness1 child4'  ,a   
quick sigh followed her words1 and then 
she called out brightly to us as she got
 into her trap1--  ',come over and dine 
with me both of you one night2 if not   
now1 when next you come down1 ,mr4      
,stanton4  ,i suppose you will be       
continually hovering about this         
neighbourhood now6'  ,the last day of   

,philip's visit soon came4  ,i drove    
down to the station to see him off1 but 
,i dreaded the parting4  ',you must     
write to me often1 and tell me all about
 yourself1' he said1 trying to speak    
cheerfully2 'and when ,easter comes ,i  
have a plan in my head4  ,i shall get a 
cousin of mine to come down with her    
husband to ,cobham ,hall1 and then she  
will help me entertain my visitors4  ,i 
shall invite all of you down1 for ,i    
want you to see your future home1       
childie4  ,meanwhile1 ,i shall doubtless
 be able to run down here for a day or  
two and see you4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth has    
kindly asked me to do so whenever ,i    
can4'  ',yes1' ,i said2 'the future     
looks very bright to me1 almost too     
bright sometimes1 ,i think4  ,oh1 how   
good ,god has been6'  ,then after a     
moment's silence ,i said1 ',i shall miss
 you so1 ,philip4  ,it will seem like a 
dream4'  ',you will dwell deep1' he     
said1 smiling as he quoted my favourite 
verse4  ',we are not solely dependent on

 each other's presence for happiness1   
are we8  ,we shall be able to strengthen
 each other's hands by prayer4'  ,he    
went2 and ,i think others besides me    
missed him4  ,his presence made itself  
felt wherever it was4  ,hugh had behaved
 very well about our engagement4  ,he   
said to me1 with a grave smile1 when    
first he heard of it1--  ',you have     
gained a friend1 and ,i have lost one4  
,i ought to be vexed1 ,i suppose4'  ',oh
 no1' ,i replied2 'your friendship with 
him remains unchanged4  ,you will find  
there will be no difference4  ,i cannot 
be to him what you are1 and if he does  
not spend quite so much time with you   
now as he has done1 it will not always  
be so4'  ,but he turned away with a     
laugh and a shake of his head4  ,we were
 very quiet for some time after         
,philip's departure4  ,constance went   
away on a visit to ,mr4 ,stroud's       
relatives4  ,kenneth went up to ,london1
 and as ,i was still far from strong1 ,i
 was left to do very much as ,i liked1  

,nelly accompanying her mother when she 
went out4  ,general ,forsyth called me  
into his study one morning to have a    
talk over my future4  ',have you any    
idea in your own head when your marriage
 is to be8  ,has ,stanton said anything 
to you about it8'  ',i--,i don't wish to
 hurry about it1' ,i said confusedly2   
'he is willing to wait4'  ',how long8'  
demanded my guardian shortly4  ',are you
 wanting to get rid of me8' ,i asked1 a 
little vexed by his tone4  ',do not be  
so foolish6' was the reply4  ',i intend1
 as ,i have told you before1 to treat   
you as ,i should one of my daughters2   
but it seems to me that there is nothing
 to wait for4  ,constance is going to be
 married about ,easter4  ,i do not see  
why that time should not suit you4'     
',oh no1' ,i cried2 and though ,i had   
resented them at the time1 ,miss        
,rayner's words came before me4  ',i    
would rather wait longer2 please let me1
 if it is not inconvenient to you4'  ,he
 said no more1 but ,i wondered much if  

the ,forsyths were relieved at the      
possibility of my leaving them soon4  ,i
 said something of the sort to ,nelly1  
who1 of course1 eagerly disclaimed it4  
',why1 ,hilda1 we shall miss you        
awfully6  ,i don't know what ,i shall   
do1 unless ,i get engaged before you go4
  ,fancy me being left here alone1 the  
old maid of the family6  ,i dare say ,i 
shall not marry4  ,i have never seen a  
single man that ,i care for yet4  ,some 
one asked me the other day if ,i wasn't 
jealous of you6  ,so ridiculous6  ,i am 
sure ,i would be frightened out of my   
life by ,mr4 ,stanton4  ,i am very glad 
he picked upon you4  ,you are just made 
for each other1 you two6  ,i wouldn't   
have him for my husband for worlds6     
,sometimes when he is thinking1 he looks
 so severe and cold that he makes me    
shiver4  ,grace ,dawkin said the other  
day that he looked like a man with a    
dark past4  ,have you ever asked him    
about his past1 ,hilda8  ,because1      
really1 we know very little about him4  

,hugh seems to know hardly anything4    
,mother is satisfied1 because she knows 
he comes of a good family2 but he may   
have murdered some one1 or done         
anything1 for all we know6'  ,i knew it 
was of no use being angry with ,nelly1  
or ,i could have scolded her well for   
her way of talking2 she always said out 
anything and everything that came into  
her head without a thought of whether   
her hearers would like it or not4       
,there was a little difficulty at first 
about my taking my ,sunday class again4 
,mrs4 ,forsyth had an objection to it1  
but she finally consented1 and only     
forbade me to visit in any of the       
cottages if there was sickness4  ,roddy 
was well again1 and no other cases of   
diphtheria had been heard of4  ,i       
promised her ,i would be careful1 and   
joyfully took up my work again1 but     
found ,i missed ,jim much more than ,i  
could have imagined4  ,he had always    
been so helpful at the class1 arranging 
the seats1 keeping an eye on the very   

little ones1 and guiding ,kitty ,brown  
to and fro4  ,poor ,kitty missed him    
dreadfully4 ',he never teased me1       
teacher1 like the other boys do2 he     
never said a cross word4  ,i wish       
sometimes it had been me that was took2 
but ,i 'spose ,i'm not good enough4'    
',i think ,jesus1 perhaps1 wants you to 
do some work for ,him that ,jim         
couldn't1' ,i replied1 answering her in 
much the same way ,i had been answered  
myself a short time before4  ,here      
,roddy broke in4  ',what's ,jim doing1  
teacher8  ,mother says singin' hymns4   
,won't he never get time to write a     
letter to me8  ,i asked him to4'  ',he  
is doing just what ,jesus wants him to1 
,roddy4  ,you mustn't expect a letter1  
but you will see him again one day1 and 
that will be better than a letter4'  ,so
 the time slipped on1 and writing so    
constantly to ,philip and hearing from  
him in return1 was my greatest          
consolation during his absence4 ,twice  
he managed to come down for a couple of 

days1 which were much enjoyed by us     
both2 and then ,easter drew near1 and   
with it all the bustle attending the    
preparations for ,constance's wedding4  
,after it was over we were to go down to
 ,cobham ,hall1 which was ,philip's     
place1 and stay there for three or four 
weeks1 and ,nelly as well as myself was 
greatly looking forward to it4  ,two    
days before the wedding we were         
gathered1 a large and merry party1 in   
the drawing-room after dinner4  ,philip 
had come down that afternoon1 but in    
spite of his pleasure at being with us  
again1 ,i fancied he was ill at ease1   
and wondered at the cause4  ',now1      
,goody ,two-,shoes1' ,kenneth cried1    
when music was going on1 'give us       
something extra nice from your fiddle4  
,get into a dream over it1 and make us  
all as dreamy as yourself4'  ,i took my 
violin up1 and standing in my favourite 
position against one of the ,french     
windows ,i began to play4  ,everything  
that evening is stamped vividly upon my 

memory4  ,i can see now the yellow      
jasmine outside the windows fluttering  
to and fro in the breeze1 the lilacs and
 laburnums on the lawn sending some of  
their sweet fragrance through one of the
 half-opened doors1 and the last rays of
 the setting sun gilding the tops of the
 distant hills4  ,as ,i turned my eyes  
inwards1 ,i saw a bright fire1 ,general 
,forsyth on one side reading the evening
 paper1 ,mrs4 ,forsyth on the other1    
busy with her fancy work and little     
table before her4  ,at the piano1       
lounging about in different attitudes1  
were ,nelly and several girl cousins1   
,kenneth and two other gentlemen in the 
background1 whilst at the farther window
 stood ,constance with ,mr4 ,stroud4    
,philip was bending over a book with    
,hugh at a small table near1 but when ,i
 began to play he threw himself into an 
easy chair1 and resting his head upon   
his hand1 prepared himself to listen4   
,i noted an abstracted1 moody look in   
his eyes1 and it was in vain that he    

tried to hide it4  ,i began to play one 
of ,beethoven's sonatas1 but drifted on 
from that to my own fancies1 and        
glancing out into the dusky twilight1   
seemed to feel1 rather than see1 great  
banks of heavy1 gloomy clouds roll up   
and envelop us in their darkness4  ,a   
strange depression seemed to take       
possession of me1 a heavy weight to     
settle down upon my spirits4  ,i played 
on dreamily1 until suddenly ,i was      
stopped by a cry from ,constance1 ',do  
for pity's sake stop that wail1 ,hilda2 
one would think you were playing our    
funeral dirge6'  ,her sharp tone so     
startled me that my violin fell to the  
ground with a crash4  ,i gave a shiver1 
and ,kenneth said1 ',has an evil spirit 
taken possession of you1 ,goody8  ,you  
have put us all into the blues by the   
uncanny cries and moans that have       
proceeded from your fiddle6  ,what is   
the matter with you8'  ,i could not     
answer him1 ,philip was picking up and  
replacing my violin in its case1 after  

which he laid his hand on my arm4       
',come into the library with me4'  ,i   
followed him2 he stirred up the fire1   
which was nearly out1 and then drew me  
to him4  ',what is the matter1 childie8'
  ,nothing could have been more tender  
than his tone4  ,the tears came to my   
eyes1 and ,i rested my head against his 
shoulder with a sigh4  ',i don't know1' 
,i said4  ',what is the matter with you1
 ,philip8'  ',you have sharp eyes to see
 that anything is the matter1' he       
replied1 smiling2 then1 in a graver     
tone1 he added1 ',i have something      
worrying me--a matter of business that  
,i cannot speak of at present to you4   
,you must trust me1 ,hilda4  ,can you do
 this1 do you think1 even if appearances
 are against me8'  ,he raised my face to
 his as he spoke1 and our eyes met4     
,trust him6  ,i felt as ,i met his      
clear1 open gaze that ,i would trust him
 through any amount of doubt or mystery1
 and ,i told him as much as we stood by 
the firelight together4  ',i wish1' he  

said presently1 'that it was our wedding
 that was going to take place to-morrow2
 and yet ,i don't know--perhaps it will 
be best for you that it is not4'  ,a    
heavy sigh followed1 and then we were   
both startled by the appearance of a    
servant4  ',a telegram1 sir4'  ,philip  
took it and turned to me4  ',i must     
leave you4  ,darling child1 don't look  
so distressed4  ,i am vexed that ,i     
should have to go before the wedding1   
but it is imperative that ,i should4  ,i
 must write and tell you my movements   
when ,i know them4  ,i shall just catch 
the #aj4cj train to town if ,i go at    
once4 ,hilda1 say good-bye to me here   
before ,i go to the drawing-room4       
,trust me1 little one1 and pray for me4'
  ,i clung to him1 for ,i still felt the
 shadow of a dark cloud hovering over   
us4  ',why need you go8  ,where are you 
going8  ,when are you coming back again8
  ,we were to have travelled to your    
home together4  ,don't go till you have 
told me more1 ,philip4  ,you must not   

leave me like this6'  ,he looked        
surprised at my vehemence4  ',dear      
child1 you are overwrought4 ,i shall be 
back in a few days at the most1 ,i hope4
  ,good-bye1 my darling2 ,god bless you 
and keep you6'  ,and taking me in his   
arms1 he kissed me over and over again4 
,i said no more1 my tongue seemed tied1 
and he left me standing by the fire1    
feeling as if a great unknown trouble   
was settling down upon me4  ,i stayed   
there1 heard his voice in the hall1 and 
then a confused babel of questions and  
exclamations from the others4  ,when1 a 
few minutes later1 ,i heard him leave   
the house1 ,i flew upstairs to my room2 
,i knew from my window ,i should see a  
bend of the road along which he must    
pass1 and as ,i saw the trap driving    
rapidly along ,i leant out and waved my 
handkerchief4  ,he saw my signal4  ,i   
suppose the light in my room and the    
unclosed shutters to the windows helped 
him to do so1 and taking up the lantern 
in front of the trap he waved it to me4 

,then came a knock at my door1 and ,mrs4
 ,forsyth appeared4  ',do you know the  
reason of this sudden disappearance1    
,hilda8  ,i do wish sometimes ,mr4      
,stanton were a little more             
communicative4'  ',it was a telegram1'  
,i said1 trying to speak quietly2 'only 
a matter of business1 he said1 but it   
obliged him to go to ,london            
immediately4'  ',it is very annoying4   
,i was quite counting on his presence   
to-morrow4 ,we seem to have such a      
scarcity of men4  ,are you not coming   
down to the drawing-room again8'  ',i   
would rather not1 please1' ,i said2 for 
,i felt ,i could not go through all the 
questions and remarks that would assail 
me4  ,mrs4 ,forsyth did not stay1 and   
,i1 trying to fight with the nameless   
fears in my heart1 took refuge and      
comfort in prayer4     ,,chapter ,,xvi  
,,dark ,,days    ',rest thou in ,god1   
amid all changes2   ,be pleased with all
 ,he may ordain2   ,wait patient till   
what ,he arranges1   ,for thy best      

welfare shall be plain2   ,god who has  
chosen us as ,his1   ,knows best what   
our true welfare is4'--,neumark4   ,the 
wedding passed off successfully4  ,i    
think ,i was the only one who felt out  
of harmony with the brightness and      
gaiety all around4  ,though the         
,forsyths felt the loss of their eldest 
daughter1 there was much to soften their
 regret at parting with her4  ,she was  
not going very far away from them2 she  
and her husband seemed exactly suited to
 each other in many ways1 and she was   
going to a comfortable1 luxurious home4 
,i think too that ,nelly occupied a     
warmer place in their hearts than       
,constance4  ,the latter seemed to live 
so entirely for herself1 and her nature 
was so cold and unsympathetic that her  
presence did not always make home the   
happier for it4  ,nelly was the sunshine
 of the house1 and it was she who up to 
the last kept up an atmosphere of       
sparkling brightness which none could   
withstand4  ,we felt rather 'flat1' as  

,kenneth expressed it1 when all was over
 and the guests had departed4  ,my      
thoughts were with ,philip1 and when1   
two days after his departure1 the post  
brought me a letter in his handwriting1 
,i opened it with trembling fingers4    
,it was very short4   ',,my ,,darling1--
  ',i am off to ,america on this        
business that ,i spoke to you about4    
,will send you my address later on1 but 
my movements are quite uncertain4  ,so  
sorry that your visit to ,cobham ,hall  
must be postponed4  ,god bless you6     
',yours   ',,philip4'   ,i had expected 
something of this sort1 and was hardly  
surprised1 though ,i did wish he had    
written more fully4  ,when ,i told the  
others1 ,i had to bear a great deal of  
comment and commiseration4  ',i cannot  
bear mysteries1' said ,general ,forsyth2
 'why can't the fellow tell his business
 instead of being so vague about it8'   
',he is so exceedingly reticent about   
his affairs1' said ,mrs4 ,forsyth1 'that
 one seems to know very little more     

about him now than one did at first4    
,are you in his confidence1 ,hugh8'     
',if ,i were1 ,i would be hardly likely 
to betray what he sees best to          
withhold4'  ,hugh's tone was haughty4   
,i looked across the breakfast table at 
him with a smile1 feeling ,i had one on 
my side to do battle for the absent one4
  ',it's awfully disappointing1'        
grumbled ,nelly4  ',i was looking       
forward to our visit at his place1 and  
have refused several invitations that ,i
 might have had instead of it4  ,when   
people go off to ,america they generally
 stay there for years1 and are never    
heard of any more4'  ',that is cheerful 
for me1' ,i said1 forcing a laugh2 'but 
,america is not very far off1 ,nelly1   
the passage takes next to no time1 it is
 only a question of a few weeks4'  ',it 
is well to keep up your spirits1 ,goody1
 but it looks bad--very bad6' and       
,kenneth shook his head with mock       
solemnity as he spoke4  ',we all noticed
 his gloom and uneasiness the last      

evening he was here4  ,i am afraid he   
has a dark past1 and his conscience is  
troubling him4 ,be prepared for the     
worst4  ,it may be a case of another    
woman1 ,goody4 ,in the style of the     
penny dreadfuls1 a wife that he thought 
dead may have turned up again1 and then 
where would you be8  ,he may have been  
married two or three times before1 for  
all we know6'  ',that will do1' ,general
 ,forsyth said sternly2 'such jokes are 
extremely out of place1 and we will have
 no more of them4'  ,and ,kenneth       
subsided1 to my great relief4  ,i felt  
,i could bear very little more1 and was 
glad to get away alone and bear my      
disappointment as best ,i could4  ,but  
the next few weeks were very trying     
ones4  ,not for an instant did ,i doubt 
,philip1 but others did1 and the remarks
 and conjectures on his sudden departure
 were hard for me to sit and listen to4 
,i did not hear from him again1 except a
 post-card to announce his arrival in   
,new ,york4  ,i wrote to him there1 but 

received no answer1 and the time of     
waiting and suspense seemed             
interminable4  ,if ,i had not learnt the
 secret of 'dwelling deep' in dark      
times1 ,i sometimes think ,i should not 
have been able to live through that     
time4 ,the ,forsyths were kind1 and felt
 for me1 ,i knew2 but my guardian was   
angry by the suddenness of it all1 and  
persisted in looking upon me as being   
ill-treated in the matter4  ,nelly took 
the very blackest view1 and declared ,i 
would never hear of or see him again1   
whilst ,kenneth spent his time in       
concocting the most elaborate stories   
and bringing them out for my benefit1 of
 different people who mysteriously      
disappeared1 and the causes of their    
doing so4  ,hugh was the only one who   
with me felt it must be right1 and he   
often cheered me by assurances of his   
speedy return4  ',it is most likely     
money matters1' he said one day to me2  
',i know a good deal of his income is in
 some funds in ,new ,york4  ,he has some

 cousin in business there1 who manages  
things for him4'  ,and this was the most
 likely solution ,i could obtain4  ,but 
why did he not write8  ,as time went on 
,i grew more and more anxious4  ,i said 
very little to any one1 and tried to be 
cheerful1 and go on with my daily life  
as before1 but it was a hard matter4  ,i
 could not bring myself to touch my     
violin4  ,that last evening rose up     
before me1 and the dim foreboding of    
evil that had so overshadowed me4 ,i    
felt a strange shrinking from the very  
thing that used to be such a comfort and
 delight to me4  ,one afternoon ,i was  
startled by a message being brought to  
me by ,miss ,rayner's old coachman1     
saying she was ill and wanted to see me4
  ,mrs4 ,forsyth had gone up to ,london 
for a fortnight1 so ,i went at once to  
my guardian4  ',helen ill6' he          
exclaimed4  ',i should not think she has
 had a day's illness in her life4  ,what
 is the matter with her8'  ',john says  
she fell into the river trying to ford  

it riding1 and did not change her wet   
things4  ,he says she got a violent     
chill last week1 and has had a great    
deal of fever4  ,this is her note to    
me4'  ,i gave him a little slip of      
paper1 on which was scrawled1 in letters
 very unlike ,miss ,rayner's usually    
firm hand3--   ',,dear ,,hilda1--  ',i  
am ill4  ,will you come and help ,susan 
to nurse me8  ',yours affectionately1   
',,helen ,,rayner4'   ,general ,forsyth 
gave his consent to my going1 and ,i    
returned that afternoon with ,john1 who 
was full of garrulous accounts of ,miss 
,rayner's illness4  ,he wound up with   
saying1--  ',and h'it's just my doing   
that hi'm taking you back4  ,i said to  
,susan this morning1--,i won't be a     
party to hiding h'it h'any longer4      
,i'll go straight over to the general's 
and get some one to come h'and see to   
her while she's yet h'alive1 and you may
 tell the mistress that hi'm doing it4  
,so ,susan she sees hi'm not to be      
trifled with1 h'and she tells ,miss     

,helen1 h'and she sends this note for   
you4  ,you will find her very h'ill1    
miss4  ,she's been at death's door1     
h'and she's not turned the corner yet6' 
,the house was very still when we       
entered it4  ,even the dogs seemed to   
know something was the matter1 for there
 was no bounding forward and barking    
when ,i appeared2 they only crept up to 
me1 and looked with mute1 wistful appeal
 into my face1 as if to ask for their   
absent mistress4  ,as ,i went quietly up
 the stairs ,i met the doctor coming    
down4  ,he looked grave1 and1 in answer 
to my inquiries1 said1--  ',i hope she  
will pull through2 the worst has passed1
 but she is very weak4  ,if you are     
going to be with her1 do not let her    
talk too much4 ,she must not be excited2
 and see that she has nourishment at the
 times ,i have ordered4  ,i shall be in 
early to-morrow morning4'  ,a minute    
after and ,i stood by her bedside1 but  
,i was shocked to see how her illness   
had pulled her down4  ,she lay          

motionless1 but not asleep1 and when ,i 
laid my hand softly upon hers she looked
 up4  ',do you know me8' she asked1 with
 a faint smile4  ',i feel a wreck1 and  
as helpless as a baby6'  ',i wish we had
 known about it before1' ,i said1 ',i   
would have come over at once4'  ',i was 
too ill to care1' she responded4  ',i   
hate people fussing round4 ,i thought ,i
 should like to see you1 and so sent    
,john over4'  ,she closed her eyes1 and 
,i1 quietly removing my hat and jacket1 
came and took up my position at the     
bedside4  ,susan and ,i had some anxious
 days after this1 and1 beyond saying a  
verse or two from the ,bible to her1 ,i 
could do nothing but pray for her4  ,she
 seemed too weak to be able to hear or  
understand4  ,but at length she really  
began to mend1 and then her recovery was
 rapid4  ,one afternoon1 the first time 
,i felt ,i could with safety let her    
talk a little to me1 she turned to me   
and said abruptly1--  ',hilda1 ,i can't 
face death4  ,i am not prepared for it4'

  ,i did not answer for a minute1 then  
,i said1--  ',god has been very good in 
saving you from that1 hasn't ,he8'      
',but ,i have been on the brink of it1  
child1 and ,i can't forget it4  ,it has 
made me see things so differently--my   
wasted life1 and my self-will and       
self-pleasing1 my rejection of so much  
,bible truth that was distasteful to me4
  ,i have thought and thought over these
 things till ,i wonder ,i did not go    
crazy4  ,it was that that made me send  
for you4  ,i felt you were the only one 
that could help me4'  ',i am afraid ,i  
have not been able to do much1' ,i      
responded4  ',you have been too ill to  
talk to1 but ,i have been praying for   
you4'  ',you said one verse to me soon  
after you came that has been ringing in 
my head ever since4  ,wasn't it         
something like this1 ,there is one      
,mediator between ,god and men1 the man 
,christ ,jesus1 in whom we have         
redemption through ,his blood1 even the 
forgiveness of sins8'  ',yes1' ,i       

replied2 'but those are bits of verses  
you have put together4 ,i repeated both 
of them to you4'  ,i took my ,bible and 
read them to her again1 then she said1--
  ',now then1 take those verses as your 
text1 and give me a little discourse on 
them1 just as you do to your little     
,sunday scholars4'  ,i hesitated4       
,never had ,i been asked to do anything 
that seemed as difficult as this4  ,yet 
,i dared not refuse such an opportunity1
 and1 with an earnest prayer for the    
,holy ,spirit's guidance1 ,i began1     
falteringly enough at first1 to talk    
about it4  ,i do not remember now what  
,i said2 ,i was only conscious at the   
time of ,miss ,rayner's earnest gaze1   
and of a longing desire that she might  
obtain both pardon and peace4  ,she     
listened in silence1 then said1--  ',now
 ,i want to hear you pray4  ,don't look 
so frightened4  ,you pray with the old  
villagers you go to see1 and ,i have a  
soul as much as they have4  ,kneel down 
and pray for me4'  ,i knelt1 and when ,i

 rose she had tears in her eyes4  ',you 
are a dear little thing6' she said in a 
softened tone2 'one would think my      
welfare was as precious to you as your  
own1 to hear you6  ,now1 that is enough 
for to-day4  ,suppose you leave me1 and 
go out into the garden for a breath of  
fresh air4  ,you can send ,susan to me4'
  ,i stooped and kissed her before ,i   
left1 saying softly1--  ',dear ,miss    
,rayner1 ,i know you will find ,him if  
you seek ,him4  ,he is very near you    
now4'  ,we had several talks together   
after that4  ,i could not help thanking 
,god again and again for having given me
 this bit of work in the midst of my own
 trouble4  ,and it was touching to see  
how1 with all her power of intellect and
 will1 ,miss ,rayner's illness had      
humbled her like a little child4  ,she  
seemed to realize deeply her sin in     
rejecting the truth for so long4  ,it   
was when she was beginning to sit up a  
little that one day she turned to me and
 said1 ',i have not asked after ,mr4    

,stanton once yet4 ,when are you going  
to ,cobham ,hall8'  ,she evidently knew 
nothing of what had taken place1 and was
 greatly surprised when ,i told her all4
  ',do you mean to say you have never   
heard from him since he left8' she      
exclaimed4  ',yes1 once--from ,new      
,york4  ,that is nearly two months ago4'
  ',i wish you hadn't been so quick     
about it1 child4  ,i felt from the      
commencement that it was a risky thing1 
your knowing so very little about him6' 
',i know him well enough to be able to  
trust him1' ,i said quietly4  ,she      
looked at me and smiled4  ',then you are
 not anxious1 at all events8'  ',yes1 ,i
 am anxious1' ,i replied1 'for ,i do not
 understand his silence4 ,he must be    
ill1 or something must have happened to 
him2 but other people do not think so1  
and their insinuations and remarks about
 it are almost more than ,i can bear4'  
,miss ,rayner was silent4  ,i added     
impulsively1 ',i had more than once     
thought of writing to you1 and asking   

you to have me for a little4  ,i felt it
 would be such a relief to get away from
 all the talk4  ,this was before ,i knew
 you were ill1 of course4'  ',and why   
did you not8'  ',i thought it would be  
rather selfish of me4  ,now ,constance  
is married1 ,nelly seems to cling more  
to me1 and there is my work in the      
village4 ,it is rather cowardly to run  
away from one's duties if the way is not
 smooth1 don't you think so8'  ,miss    
,rayner did not answer1 only said with a
 sigh a moment after1 ',i hope he will  
not disappoint you4'     ,,chapter      
,,xvii  ,,dawn    ',the night is mother 
of the day1   ,the winter of the        
spring4'   ,mrs4 ,forsyth came to see   
her sister directly she returned from   
town1 and was vexed that she had not    
been sent for before4  ,she was quite   
willing that ,i should remain where ,i  
was1 and so after she had returned home 
again ,i had some quiet1 restful weeks  
during ,miss ,rayner's convalescence4   
,i call them restful1 but though ,i had 

the sense of peace and rest deep down in
 my heart1 ,i am afraid on the surface  
,i was restless and ill at ease4  ,every
 post awakened fresh expectation and    
hope1 only to be followed by the        
depression of disappointment4  ,i prayed
 much to be given a quiet mind1 and ,i  
do think1 to some extent1 my prayer was 
answered4  ,and ,i had the intense joy  
of seeing ,miss ,rayner's whole life    
change1 her interests and thoughts now  
centred on things above4  ,she did not  
say much1 but her ,bible was now her    
constant companion1 and ,i felt by her  
conversation how real and deep the      
change was in her4  ,it was one evening 
in the beginning of ,july that we were  
sitting out in a low verandah that ran  
along one side of the house4  ,the sun  
was setting in front of us1 and a       
glorious sunset it was2 the sky was     
illuminated with rosy light from the    
deepest crimson to the most delicate    
pink1 and the fleecy clouds that passed 
by seemed bathed in its golden          

splendour4  ',it always makes me think  
of heaven's gates1' ,i was saying to    
,miss ,rayner2 but before she had time  
to reply we were startled by the sudden 
appearance of ,hugh4  ,in a moment ,i   
was on my feet1 and ,i felt every       
vestige of colour leave my face4  ',you 
have some news6' ,i cried4  ,for answer 
he quietly put a letter in my hand1 and 
when ,i saw the well-known writing the  
reaction was too much1 ,i sat down and  
burst into a flood of tears4  ,miss     
,rayner wisely left me alone4  ,she drew
 ,hugh away1 and took him inside the    
drawing-room1 saying1 ',it has been a   
strain to the child--this time of       
suspense1 though she has taken it so    
quietly4  ,she will be better left to   
herself4'  ,and then when they had left 
me ,i opened my letter4  ,it had        
evidently met with some delay on the    
road1 for it was written a long time    
past4 ,only one sheet as follows3--     
',,my ,,dearest1--  ',how you must have 
wondered at my silence1 and how little  

,i thought what a test your love and    
trust would be put to during this long  
time6 ,when ,i reached ,new ,york ,i    
found it imperative to push on somewhere
 in these remote regions1 from where ,i 
date this letter4  ,i had only time to  
send you a card1 but ,i little thought  
how long it would be before you would   
hear from me again4  ,a bad accident    
resulted in my being stretched on a     
sick-bed for two whole months1 and ,i am
 only now able to write4  ,but ,i am on 
the way to speedy recovery now1 and as  
soon as ,i can be moved ,i shall make   
the best of my way home to you4  ,the   
business ,i was called out here about is
 at an end4  ,circumstances have made me
 wonder1 as ,i lie on my bed1 whether it
 is still right to allow you to link    
your life with mine4  ,but ,i cannot    
write it4  ,i must see you face to face1
 if ,god permits1 and then we must talk 
it over4  ,i am hoping to be in ,england
 soon after you receive this4  ,till    
then1 darling1 good-bye4  ',ever yours1 

',p4 ,,stanton4'   ,i sat with the      
letter in my hand1 one thought after    
another following in rapid succession4  
,but what really filled me with anxiety 
and dismay was the date on which the    
letter was posted4  ,according to his   
statement he ought to have arrived in   
,england long before this1 and why had  
he not done so8  ,i rose from my seat   
and called ,miss ,rayner1 who came to my
 side at once4  ',well8  ,good news1 ,i 
hope6' she said cheerily4  ',why isn't  
he here8' ,i said1 and ,i handed her the
 letter4  ,she read it1 and told ,hugh  
its contents1 as ,i did not seem to have
 the voice to speak4  ',he may have been
 delayed1' ,hugh said at once1 ',i will 
go up to his agents again in town1 and  
find out if they know anything of his   
movements4'  ',again6' ,i exclaimed4    
',have you been before then8'  ',yes1'  
he said hesitatingly2 'there was nothing
 to tell you1 or ,i would have done so4 
,they had lost sight of him themselves4'
  ',when did you go8' ,i demanded1 'and 

what did they say8  ,oh6  ,hugh6 you    
might have told me4  ,i didn't know he  
had any agents in town1 or ,i would have
 gone myself4  ,let me come with you    
now--tonight4'  ,miss ,rayner laid her  
hand on my arm4  ',don't be so excited1 
child4  ,use a little of your common    
sense4  ,do you think there is any      
chance of getting up to town at this    
time of night1 or if there were1 would  
you be likely to get the information you
 need8  ,hugh can sleep here1 and go up 
the first thing tomorrow morning4'  ,to 
this ,hugh agreed at once4  ,he seemed  
almost as anxious as ,i for the welfare 
of his friend4  ,the letter had brought 
little comfort to me1 but ,i could see  
it had greatly relieved ,miss ,rayner's 
mind4  ,my one fear now was that it was 
illness1 perhaps death1 that was the    
cause of his absence4  ',he says so     
little1' ,i remarked presently2 'he does
 not tell me the nature of the accident1
 or how badly he has been hurt4  ,and   
why should the letter have been         

delayed8'  ',that is easily accounted   
for1' said ,hugh1 taking up the envelope
 and examining the post-mark4  ',he was 
evidently at some rough mountain place  
when he wrote1 and posts are few and far
 between4  ,if you trust your letters to
 a messenger or a passer-by1 you may    
think yourself fortunate if he remembers
 to post them at all1 and they may often
 lie in his coat pocket for weeks before
 he thinks of them4'  ,that was an      
anxious evening to me4  ,as ,i was      
wishing ,hugh 'good-night' ,i said1 ',i 
have never thanked you yet for coming   
over to me at once with the letter4  ,it
 was very good of you4'  ',the governor 
suggested posting it1 but ,i thought you
 would like to get it as soon as        
possible4  ,nell was dying to open it2  
she told me to tell you she wanted you  
home again4  ,when are you going to part
 with her1 aunt8'  ,and he turned       
towards ,miss ,rayner as he spoke4      
',when she wants to go1' was the blunt  
reply4  ,i went to bed soon after1 but  

,i could not sleep4  ,i read and re-read
 the letter1 and wished much that       
further details had been given4  ,yet   
when ,i thought of him penning those    
lines on a sick-bed1 perhaps with the   
greatest difficulty and pain1 ,i could  
wish he had not troubled to write so    
much4  ,earnestly did ,i pray that his  
health and strength might be given back 
to him4  ,i felt it such a comfort to   
pour out all my doubts and fears to     
,god1 knowing that ,he was not only     
willing to listen1 but able to control  
all ,himself1 and watch over and        
protect1 yes1 and heal the absent one4  
,i fell asleep1 repeating to myself1    
',the steps of a good man are ordered by
 the ,lord1' and it brought comfort to  
my soul4  ,hugh was off the first thing 
the next morning1 but ,miss ,rayner     
would not allow me to go up to town with
 him1 and it seemed the longest day that
 ,i had ever spent4  ,miss ,rayner asked
 me if ,i would like to return to the   
,forsyths at once1 but ,i shook my head4

  ',you are not quite strong yet1' ,i   
said to her1 'and ,i do like being here4
  ,i feel as if they will be so full of 
questions1 and will pick my letter to   
pieces1 if ,i go back4  ,general        
,forsyth always imagines the worst about
 people4  ,none of them believed it must
 be illness that caused his silence1    
though ,i felt myself it must be4  ,they
 all ascribed the worst motives they    
could think of for it4  ,and--and       
sometimes ,i feel ,i can't forgive them 
for doubting and mistrusting him so4'   
',you don't mean that8' ,miss ,rayner   
said1 looking at me steadily4  ',no1' ,i
 said1 colouring a little1 ',i have no  
ill-feeling really1 ,i ought not to have
 harboured it for an instant1 but it    
would come4  ,i try and look at it from 
their side1 and of course ,i know that  
what you all say is true4  ,a few months
 ago he was a stranger2 oh6 ,miss       
,rayner1 tell me1 do you fear the worst8
  ,if he is dead1 ,i think my heart will
 break6'  ',hearts are not so easily    

broken1' ,miss ,rayner replied1 with a  
little sigh2 'my dear1 you must have    
patience and wait4  ,i think most likely
 he has only been delayed4  ,you would  
have heard before now if the worst had  
happened4'  ,hugh returned about eight  
o'clock that evening1 but he had little 
news to give us4  ,philip's agents had  
known only quite recently of his        
illness1 and were expecting to hear of  
his arrival in ,england every day4  ,so 
there was nothing for me to do but wait 
patiently4  ,i left ,miss ,rayner soon  
after1 for the ,forsyths wanted me back4
  ',i shall miss you1 child1' she said1 
as we were parting1 'and you must pray  
for me4  ,i find that the habits of a   
lifetime are not easily uprooted2 if ,i 
get into a tangle1 ,i shall send for my 
little minister to put me straight      
again4'  ',no2 you don't want any one to
 come between you and ,god1' ,i said    
with a smile2 but ,i left her with a    
heavy heart4  ,we had grown1 in spite of
 the disparity between our ages1 to be  

such very close friends since her       
illness4  ,and then ,i took up my old   
life again1 hoping every day to hear    
fresh tidings1 and trying to bear the   
disappointment as brightly and bravely  
as ,i could4  ,one afternoon ,i wandered
 out by myself to the moor4  ,it was a  
hot day in ,august1 but there was always
 a breeze up there1 and ,i loved to get 
away from every one2 the loveliness and 
stillness soothed and comforted me4  ,i 
had my ,bible with me1 and the hours    
slipped by so quickly that when ,i began
 to retrace my way homewards ,i found it
 was much later than ,i had imagined4   
,at the entrance to the village ,i met  
,kenneth4  ',well1 you are a nice one6' 
was his remark when he saw me2 'do you  
know we have been scouring the country  
for you all the afternoon8  ,a telegram 
came for you about a quarter of an hour 
after you had left the house--,goodness 
gracious6 are you going to faint8       
,there's nothing wrong--allow me to     
finish my sentence--and now there's     

something better than a telegram arrived
 in the shape of a two-legged           
specimen----'  ',he has come then6' ,i  
exclaimed4  ',oh1 ,kenneth1 tell me6'   
',who has come8  ,who are you expecting8
  ,you interrupt me so that ,i have lost
 the thread of my discourse1 and forget 
what ,i was going to say4'  ,then seeing
 that ,i was not in a state to stand    
much more joking1 he altered his tone4  
',yes1 he has arrived1 looking rather   
seedy1 but he is alive4  ,he has been   
closeted with the governor for the last 
two hours1 giving an account of himself4
  ,i hope it is all fair and square1 but
 he won't let us into his secrets1      
though ,i told him his conduct had been 
rather fishy in our eyes4  ,what are you
 going to do8  ,run away from me8  ,you 
are such a dignified little soul        
generally1 that ,i expected we should   
have a saunter up to the house together2
 but ,i forgot that love lends wings1   
isn't that the saying8  ,i will race you
 if you like4  ,now1 one1 two1 three1   

and away6'  ,and in another minute we   
were tearing through the village and up 
the avenue to the house in a style that 
would have greatly shocked ,mrs4        
,forsyth1 had she seen us4  ,kenneth    
gave a loud 'whoop' when we entered the 
hall1 which brought every one out at    
once1 but ,i was only conscious of one  
form1 one greeting1 and the next minute 
,i found myself drawn into the empty    
library4  ,then my composure gave way3  
clinging hold of him1 ,i could do       
nothing but sob1 and for some minutes   
there was perfect silence between us4   
,i could only feel the touch of his     
fingers on my hair1 and the strong      
beating of his heart1 against which my  
head was resting4  ,and then ,i         
controlled myself1 and looked up into   
his face4  ',oh1 ,philip1 how ill you   
must have been6  ,how worn and ill you  
look6  ,are you well again8'  ',very    
nearly well1 thank ,god6' was the reply4
  ',and now come and sit down1 childie1 
here by me1 and let me tell you         

everything4  ,you have never doubted me1
 have you8  ,i need not ask you1 for    
your eyes tell me4 ,only you are looking
 white and thin1 darling4  ,the suspense
 must have tried you6'  ',it is all     
right now1' ,i said4  ',i am longing to 
hear it all4'  ,but ,philip's           
explanation had to be postponed--the    
gong rang for dinner1 and ,i knew we    
must not keep the others waiting4  ,as  
,i went up to my room to change my      
dress1 ,nelly seized hold of me4 ',oh1  
,hilda1 ,i'm so glad for you6  ,and it  
will come all right1 though father is   
shaking his head downstairs1 and saying 
to mother he doubts whether he ought to 
countenance your engagement proceeding4 
,what is it8 has he lost money8'  ',i   
don't know1' ,i answered1' and ,i don't 
care4  ,i only know he is safe home     
again1 that is quite enough for me at   
present6'     ,,chapter ,,xviii         
,,wedded    ',my wife1 my life4  ,o we  
will walk this world   ,yoked1 in all   
exercise of noble end1   4 4 4 4 ,indeed

 ,i love thee1 come   ,yield thyself up3
 my hopes and thine are                 
one4'--,tennyson4   ,it was after       
dinner1 wandering arm-in-arm through the
 dusky garden1 that ,philip told me the 
whole story4  ,it appeared that a young 
cousin of his whom he had promised a    
dying mother to befriend1 had fallen    
into bad company out in ,new ,york1 and 
had accomplished several successful     
forgeries for very large amounts in     
,philip's name4  ,he was clerk in a     
house of business out there with which  
,philip was connected2 in fact1 he had  
obtained the situation for him4  ,the   
forgeries were discovered whilst ,philip
 was with us1 and though he forbade any 
proceedings to be taken until he had    
investigated the matter himself1 ,ronald
 ,stanton1 the culprit1 took fright and 
absconded1 taking with him a great deal 
of money from the firm in which he was4 
,and ,philip on the impulse of the      
moment determined to follow his track   
and save him if possible from worse     

ruin4  ,it was the wish to shield this  
cousin that kept him silent1 and made   
him leave us with so little explanation4
  ,when he arrived at ,new ,york1 he    
told the managers of the firm that he   
would be responsible for the missing    
sums1 and started with a confidential   
servant in quest of the runaway4  ,he   
went through a variety of adventures    
before he came on his track1 and then at
 length when he met him in the depths of
 some backwoods1 the young fellow turned
 upon him in desperation1 and before    
,philip could explain that it was on an 
errand of mercy and not of justice that 
he had followed him1 in the heat of the 
moment ,ronald drew his revolver and    
shot him4  ',it was very nearly proving 
fatal for me1' said ,philip as he told  
the story1 'but ,god in ,his mercy      
prevented the sin of murder being laid  
to the poor lad's charge4  ,he was in   
such a state of mind when he found what 
he had done1 that if it had not been for
 my servant's restraining hand1 he would

 have made an attempt on his own life4  
,i could just manage to say1 ,i have    
come to save you1 and then ,i remembered
 no more2 but when ,i recovered         
consciousness ,i found that he had      
become my watchful1 untiring nurse4  ,i 
think it was due to his indefatigable   
care that ,i recovered4  ,both he and my
 man ,dawson never left me night or day4
  ,poor fellow6 it was as ,i feared4    
,he had been a mere tool in the hands of
 others1 who had decamped1 leaving him  
to bear the consequences of his sin4'   
',but1 ,philip1 how long were you ill8  
,and were you hurt much8  ,i have no    
pity for your cousin--no1 none2 how     
could he1 oh1 how could he treat you    
so8'  ',perhaps ,i had better tell you  
no more4  ,let us talk of other things4'
  ',no1 no1 ,i want to hear everything2 
please go on4'  ',i tried to write to   
you when ,i got better1 for ,i thought  
you would be less alarmed than if a     
stranger wrote to you2 but in illness   
one does not take much count of time1   

and ,i had no idea that ,i had left you 
so long without a line4  ,at last ,i was
 able to manage1 and then ,i did hope ,i
 should get home4  ,ronald1 poor boy1   
waited to come back and give himself up 
to the hands of justice1 and in telling 
your guardian about it he thinks ,i was 
wrong in not letting the law take its   
course4  ,but ,i would be the only      
sufferer1 it was my money he had made   
away with1 and ,i could bear the loss4  
,he was so thoroughly and truly         
repentant that ,i did not regret it4  ,i
 made arrangements for him to go and    
start life afresh out there on a farm4  
,it is his determination to pay back    
gradually as he can all he owes2 but    
this would be the work of a lifetime4   
,it was through gambling that he was    
tempted first of all4'  ',but why did   
you not come home at once8'  ',i had a  
relapse1 and found when ,i reached the  
nearest town ,i must go into hospital to
 have the bullet extracted1 which had   
never been done4 ,i did send you a      

letter from there1 which you ought to   
have had1 but an accident happened to   
some mail bags about that time2 they got
 burnt1 and ,i can only conclude yours  
must have been amongst them4'  ',and    
were you very ill in hospital8'  ',i had
 rather a bad time of it4  ,if ,i had   
been able to have a proper doctor at the
 time1 it would have saved me a good    
deal4  ,as it is1 my right lung has been
 injured1 and ,i shall have to be       
careful for a long time4'  ',i feel as  
if ,i can never forgive that cousin of  
yours1 never6  ,oh6 ,philip1 why were   
you so good to him8'  ,and unnerved by  
the account he had given me1 ,i burst   
into tears4  ',it has been too much for 
you to-night1 childie1' and ,philip drew
 me closer to him4  ',you will feel     
differently towards him to-morrow4  ,i  
have told you all1 for you have a right 
to know1 and ,i found ,i was obliged to 
tell your guardian2 but ,i did it in the
 strictest confidence1 and ,i know he   
will respect my wishes about it4        

,others need not know particulars1 and  
you must try to forget it4  ,now to come
 to the subject that will concern us    
much more closely4  ,this has made a    
difference in my prospects4  ,i have not
 gone thoroughly into my affairs yet1   
but ,i see nothing for it but to let    
,cobham for a few years4  ,i will not go
 into debt1 neither will ,i mortgage it1
 and ,i cannot now afford to keep the   
place up as it should be4  ,i think     
eventually ,i shall be able to go back  
to it1 but not at present4  ,will you be
 content with a small house somewhere   
near town1 while ,i follow my literary  
pursuits1 as much now for gain as       
formerly for pleasure8'  ',why do you   
ask me such a question8 you know how    
satisfied ,i shall be4'  ',the general  
is not4  ,he is very distressed about   
it1 and then there is another objection 
now--my health4'  ,he stopped1 and his  
face looked grave and worn in the'1     
dusky twilight4  ,i stood still and     
faced him1 a dreadful fear taking       

possession of me4  ',philip1 tell me    
truly1 is your life in danger8 are the  
doctors afraid of anything serious8'    
,he took my hands in both his1 as he    
answered1 ',there is nothing to be      
anxious about1 my darling1 at present4  
,i shall need care and nursing1 perhaps4
  ,they give me hope that time will     
outgrow the mischief1 but perhaps it may
 shorten my life4  ,i tell you this     
because ,i want you to see what is      
before us4  ,i have no right to expect  
you to link your life with mine under   
these circumstances1 and your guardian  
is very doubtful as to the wisdom and   
expediency of it4'  ',does he think1' ,i
 said1 the blood rushing to my cheeks   
with indignation1 'that this will make  
any difference in my feeling towards    
you8  ,it will certainly in one way2 it 
will make me ten times more conscious of
 the honour it will be to become your   
wife4  ,it will make me realize more and
 more your unselfish devotion and       
goodness towards the one who has marred 

and spoilt your life1 and make me know  
what a noble----'  ',hush6 hush6' he    
said1 half laughing1 as he dropped my   
hands1 and put his arm round me1 'you   
may think me a hero to-night1 but in the
 calm light of to-morrow morning you may
 think differently4  ,and yet ,i am so  
confident of your love and trust that ,i
 have never doubted how you would act4  
,i would not let you sacrifice yourself1
 if ,i were sure in my own heart that my
 health was seriously injured2 but ,i do
 not think it is4  ,i believe the       
doctors are right when they say that    
time will heal the mischief4  ,i do not 
think we shall be called to give each   
other up1 if you are content to take me 
as ,i am4'  ,much more we said to each  
other on that calm1 still evening2 and  
before we came indoors we gave thanks   
together to our ,heavenly ,father for   
,his goodness in bringing us together   
again4  ,i was obliged to have an       
interview with my guardian the next     
morning4 ,he was very kind1 but said he 

was doubtful whether1 under the present 
circumstances1 ,i ought not to look at  
things with a different eye4 ,when he   
found1 as ,i think he must have expected
 to find1 my opinions on the subject    
were totally unchanged1 he ended up by  
saying1 ',of course ,i have tried to act
 towards you as ,i should towards my own
 daughters4  ,it is a disappointment to 
me that you will not be as comfortably  
off with ,stanton as ,i had supposed you
 would be at first1 and there is his    
state of health that is a drawback2 but 
still ,i cannot press you to break off  
the engagement1 having given my sanction
 to it4  ,i only wish he had not acted  
in the extraordinary quixotic way he    
has4  ,then all this trouble might have 
been spared you both4  ,for a man of his
 age and stamp1 ,i consider he has been 
most foolish1 if not to say culpable1 in
 the manner he has treated that young   
scoundrel of a cousin6'  ,two evenings  
after this we were in the drawing-room  
after dinner1 when ,philip asked me if  

,i would play to them4  ,there was      
silence amongst the others whilst ,i    
opened my violin case1 and then ,kenneth
 remarked1 as ,i began to tighten the   
strings1 ',can it ever be used again8   
,don't you know1 ,stanton1 that it was  
not only a broken heart1 but a broken   
fiddle you left behind you1 when you    
departed so suddenly last time you were 
here8  ,it's astonishing how soon hearts
 get mended1 and fiddles too1 it        
appears4  ,goody has shuddered at the   
sight of that instrument ever since4  ,i
 thought the epitaph on her tombstone   
would be1 ,she never played again6'  ,i 
found a difficulty in playing that night
 in the midst of this nonsense4  ,i     
seemed to have lived a lifetime since   
last ,i had touched my violin2 but when 
,i had once started1 ,i as usual forgot 
everything but just the comfort and     
soothing it brought me4  ,and when ,i   
had finished1 ,nelly said1 impulsively1 
',there6 now you look like your old     
self1 ,hilda4  ,you haven't been the    

same since that night ,kenneth was      
speaking of4  ,don't you love your      
violin8  ,i am sure you do1 from the way
 you handle it6'  ',of course ,i love   
it1' ,i responded warmly4  ,kenneth     
laughed4  ',you have a rival1 ,stanton4 
,i tell you1 when she stands up there1  
her eyes getting bigger and bigger1 and 
her precious fiddle hugged tighter and  
tighter1 you are absolutely nowhere--out
 of her affections and thoughts         
altogether6  ,i think1 if ,i were in    
your place1 ,i should quietly make away 
with it when you have an opportunity4   
,it will bring discord into your life1  
,i warn you2 it is capable of it6'  ,we 
all laughed2 but ,philip said to me     
afterwards1 ',everything that ,i see and
 hear makes me realize afresh what an   
anxiety and strain ,i have brought into 
your life4  ,can you forgive me8'  ',is 
there anything to forgive8' ,i asked4   
',i have been anxious1 ,philip--it was  
no wonder1 but ,i think the trouble and 
anxiety has only made me realize the    

force and strength of that verse in the 
,psalms1 as ,i never should have done   
otherwise3 ,god is our refuge and       
strength1 a very present help in        
trouble4'  ',and it is worth going      
through the darkness to experience ,his 
tenderness and care1' was the rejoinder4
  ,philip had a great deal of business  
to do for the next month or two1 and    
then it was settled that our marriage   
should take place the latter end of     
,november4  ,a dreary month for a       
wedding generally1 but it was not so in 
our case1 and it was a sunshiny1 frosty 
morning when we stood together in the   
little village church as man and wife4  
,i could not have believed1 if any one  
had told me a twelvemonth before1 how   
much ,i should have felt the parting    
with the ,forsyths--,nelly especially   
lay very near to my heart2 we had had   
many a talk together of things above1   
and ,i sometimes dared to hope that she 
had grasped hold of the truth1 though   
she was fearful of letting others know  

about it4  ,the night before our wedding
 she came to me and asked me to pray    
with her1 which ,i did2 and then with   
tears in her eyes she said1 ',i shall   
miss you so dreadfully1 ,hilda2 you have
 helped me to see things so differently1
 and ,i don't think ,i shall ever be    
satisfied now with just a whirl of      
gaiety4'  ',you have promised to take my
 ,sunday class1 so that will give you an
 interest1' ,i said1 trying to speak    
brightly2 'and oh6 ,nelly1 if you get to
 know the ,lord as your personal        
,friend1 you won't miss me4  ,he will be
 quite sufficient4'  ',i am trying to1' 
she said softly2 ',i would like to know 
,him as you do4'  ,then in a brisker    
tone she said1 ',and you will ask me to 
stay with you soon1 won't you8  ,when   
you are in town1 you know6  ,i should   
like to come1 and ,i won't ask to go to 
any theatres1 or even to a picture      
gallery1 or a ride in the ,row1 if you  
think it worldly6  ,but do let me come  
just to be with you4'  ,miss ,graham bid

 me good-bye with much grief2 but ,i    
felt happy about her2 she was           
steadfastly setting her face            
heavenwards1 and praying and influencing
 her pupil into the same path too4  ,i  
think ,mrs4 ,forsyth was genuinely sorry
 for me to leave1 and when ,i said      
something to her about being so sorry   
that my views had clashed with hers1 and
 hoping she would understand how it was1
 she gave me a warm kiss1 saying1       
',never mind the past1 my dear4         
,perhaps if ,i had been brought up      
differently1 ,i should have seen more   
with you4  ,we shall miss you very much1
 for you have been a great help and     
comfort to us whilst you have been      
here4'  ,miss ,rayner appeared at the   
wedding1 to every one's great           
astonishment4 ,her parting words caused 
me much thought and consideration3      
',don't be surprised if you hear soon   
that ,i have given up my chicks1 and    
departed to the wilds of ,africa as a   
missionary4  ,i must do something with  

my bit of wasted life left me4'  ,my    
little ,sunday scholars were in full    
force at the church gate as we went     
through1 and irrepressible ,roddy darted
 up to me and clutched hold of my       
dress1--',you isn't going away to       
heaven1 is you1 like ,jim8'  ',not yet1 
,i think1' ,i answered1 trying to detach
 his chubby fingers from my skirt4  ',i 
thought you was1 in that booful angel   
dress6'  ,and he fell back with a trace 
of disappointment on his rosy face4     
,kitty was by his side openly weeping4  
,as ,i came down the path after it was  
all over1 ,i could not help giving her a
 special 'good-bye4'  ,her sad little   
face flushed with pleasure as ,i did so1
 and she murmured1 ',i never shall      
forget you1 teacher1 you've taught me to
 love ,jesus'2 and my own eyes filled   
with tears at her words4  ,as we drove  
away to the station on our way to the   
,continent for a month or six weeks1 and
 ,i felt ,i was on the threshold of a   
new life1 ,i said to ,philip1 ',i feel  

as if ,i could put to this chapter of my
 life1 ,not one thing hath failed of all
 the good things which the ,lord ,god   
spake concerning you6'     ,,chapter    
,,xix  ,,old ,,friends    ',one in      
heart1 in interest and design1   ,gird  
up each other to the race               
divine4'--,cowper4   ',hilda1 ,i have an
 old friend coming to dine with us      
to-night4  ,i came across him in town   
to-day2 you are sure to like him1 he is 
a general favourite wherever he goes4'  
',what is his name8'                    
',ratcliffe--,charles ,ratcliffe4  ,i   
have known him a long time1 before he   
cared for serious things4  ,it was a    
meeting in town to which ,i took him    
that was1 in ,god's hands1 the means of 
his conversion4  ,that was many years   
ago1 when ,i was just beginning to      
understand these things2 ,i was quite a 
young fellow myself1 and he is my senior
 by many years4  ,i shall like you to   
know him1 and ,i want him to know my    
wife4'  ,we were at breakfast1 and it   

was a cold morning in ,february4        
,philip had taken a flat in ,south      
,kensington1 and though in many ways we 
should have preferred a house of our    
own1 we were perfectly happy with this  
arrangement4  ,the only anxiety ,i had  
was ,philip's health2 his lung that had 
been so affected still gave him trouble1
 and he was often confined to the house 
for weeks at a time4  ,all day long ,i  
kept repeating the name of ,charles     
,ratcliffe over to myself1 and wondering
 where ,i had heard it before1 but it   
was not until our guest was actually in 
our drawing-room1 and shaking hands with
 me1 that it flashed across me4 ,miss   
,rayner had been engaged to a ,mr4      
,ratcliffe4  ,could this be the same1 ,i
 wondered8  ,and ,i determined presently
 to find out4  ,he was a tall1 handsome 
man with an iron-grey moustache and     
clear blue eyes4  ,i could not keep my  
gaze off him4  ,how often ,i had longed 
that somehow or other ,i might be       
permitted to bring those two together   

again6  ,it would be strange if ,i were 
to discover that he was the identical   
man4  ,our conversation got round to the
 ,forsyths and their part of the        
country1 and then ,i said boldly1 ',one 
of the prettiest parts is where ,mrs4   
,forsyth's sister lives1 a ,miss        
,rayner4  ,she lives in an old farmhouse
 close to the moor4  ,i spent some of my
 happiest days with her4'  ,he did not  
start or show any emotion at the name1  
as ,i hoped he would2 but he said       
slowly1 after a minute's pause1 ',i used
 to know a ,miss ,rayner long           
ago--,helen ,rayner her name was4  ,i   
suppose it is the same1 as ,i heard she 
had settled down there somewhere4'      
',she is a very great friend of mine1'  
,i said warmly2 'but ,i do not think she
 will be there much longer now1 she     
talks of giving the place up4  ,in fact1
 she is coming up to town to stay with  
us next week for a few days1 whilst she 
is meditating an interview with some    
missionary society2 she wants to go     

abroad as a missionary4  ,perhaps1 as   
you are old friends1 ,mr4 ,ratcliffe1   
you would like to meet her4  ,won't you 
come and dine with us again whilst she  
is here8  ,would next ,friday suit you8'
  ,i saw ,philip glance across at me    
with slight surprise2 but ,i was too    
intent on my own plan to mind1 and he at
 once added his invitation to mine4     
,mr4 ,ratcliffe hesitated a little1 and 
then asked if he might leave it an open 
question for that night1 as he hardly   
knew what his engagements were4  ,and   
having gained my point ,i changed the   
subject1 and ,miss ,rayner's name was   
not mentioned again4  ,we had a pleasant
 evening with our guest4  ,and when he  
had gone ,philip turned to me4  ',i need
 not ask you how you like him1' he said1
 with an amused sparkle in his eye2 ',i 
never saw my little wife more determined
 on making acquaintance with any of my  
friends1 or of improving the            
opportunity4 ,who else is to be invited 
to your dinner-party on ,friday1 may ,i 

ask8'  ',you mustn't tease me1' ,i      
rejoined1' for you don't know my        
motives4 ,come and sit down here1 and   
let me tell you all about it4'  ,he did 
not seem as interested in my story as ,i
 was1 though he laughed at my           
'match-making' propensity1 as he called 
it4  ',i recollect now1' he said1 'that 
he was engaged to some girl at the time 
,i first knew him4  ,it is strange that 
it should have been to ,miss ,rayner4   
,i remember how glad ,i was when he told
 me it was broken off1 for ,i feared she
 would be a stumbling-block to him4  ,i 
should let matters alone if ,i were you1
 little woman4  ,they are very happy    
now1 both of them4  ,it's too late in   
the day to alter things1 and neither of 
them would wish it1 ,i am sure6'  ',you 
men never understand these things1' ,i  
said1 laughing2 but at the same time ,i 
felt very doubtful as to whether my     
experiment would succeed4  ,mr4         
,ratcliffe did accept for ,friday1 and  
now ,i grew very nervous about telling  

,miss ,rayner4  ,she arrived1 and had   
been two days with us before ,i could   
pluck up courage to broach the subject1 
and it was ,philip who eventually did it
 for me4  ',by the bye1 ,miss ,rayner1' 
he said at breakfast on ,friday morning1
 'a friend of mine is coming in to      
dinner to-night4  ,i hope you won't     
object4  ,ratcliffe is his name4'  ,she 
gave a little start1 but answered1 ',of 
course ,i have no objection2 but ,i told
 ,hilda ,i would not be drawn into      
society whilst up here4  ,i came up     
solely on business1 and when that is    
over ,i shall go home4'  ,she did not   
ask any questions about him1 and ,i said
 nothing4  ,when he was announced that  
evening she and ,i were alone in the    
drawing-room4 ,certainly of the two ,mr4
 ,ratcliffe was the coolest4  ',we have 
met before1 ,miss ,rayner1 so need no   
introduction1' he said1 holding out his 
hand4  ,she took it4  ',yes1' she said1 
'it was a surprise when ,i heard your   
name mentioned4  ,what cold weather we  

are having6' and we drifted into general
 topics of conversation as easily as    
possible4  ,there was no constraint at  
the dinner-table4  ,miss ,rayner could  
always talk well1 and ,i never heard her
 talk better than on this night2 more   
than once ,i saw ,mr4 ,ratcliffe looking
 rather furtively across the table at   
her1 but nothing could have been more   
indifferent than his tone when          
addressing her4  ,then we began to talk 
on mission work at home and abroad4     
,mr4 ,ratcliffe seemed thoroughly at    
home with this subject1 whilst ,miss    
,rayner grew more and more silent4  ,i  
was longing for an opportunity to leave 
them alone1 and hoped that we might     
succeed in doing so after dinner1 but ,i
 could not manage it4  ,when he was     
taking his leave he turned to ,miss     
,rayner and said1 ',would you care to   
come down and see over the premises of  
the ,east ,end ,mission ,i am interested
 in8  ,if you have never seen ,london   
slum work1 ,i think this would give you 

an insight into it4'  ,and to my great  
delight ,miss ,rayner responded in the  
affirmative4  ,they arranged a time1 and
 tried to include me in the visit1 but  
,i declined2 and when the next morning  
,i saw the two walk off together1 ,i    
turned to ,philip with a beaming face4  
',there6' ,i exclaimed4  ',i consider ,i
 have managed that4  ,now if they don't 
make it up1 it won't be my fault4'      
',you are a foolish child1' ,philip     
responded1 as he turned round from his  
writing to draw me to him4  ',why should
 you be so anxious to bring them        
together8'  ',because1' ,i said1 as ,i  
laid my cheek lightly against his1 ',i  
want them to be as happy as we are1     
,philip1 and ,i believe they will be4'  
,miss ,rayner returned from her morning 
in the ,east ,end very quiet and        
preoccupied4  ,i asked no questions1 but
 was surprised when later in the day she
 said to me1 ',i must leave you         
to-morrow1 ,hilda4  ,i have done my     
business1 and am longing to get out of  

,london4  ,it never suits me4  ,i feel  
as if ,i cannot breathe here4'  ',you   
promised to stay till the end of the    
week1' ,i said reproachfully4           
',circumstances alter cases1' she       
rejoined briefly4  ,this did not sound  
very hopeful4  ,i was silent1 not       
knowing very well what to say4          
,presently she said1 with a short little
 laugh1 ',i am always outspoken1 ,hilda1
 so ,i'll tell you frankly that if you  
had not ,mr4 ,ratcliffe hanging about   
this part ,i might have lengthened my   
visit4 ,i cannot stand the chance of    
meeting him again4'  ',why8' ,i asked   
innocently4  ',why8' she repeated4      
',you know my story1 and he will not let
 bygones be bygones1 but insisted this  
morning upon dragging up old memories   
that are best left buried4  ,in fact1 he
 wants things to be as they once were1  
and they cannot4'  ',oh1 ,miss ,rayner1 
why not8' ,i again exclaimed4  ',because
 we are old and grey1' she said1        
laughing2 'because he has drifted into  

ways of his own1 and into mine4  ,it    
would be ridiculous and besides ,i--,i  
should be no help to him4  ,i am such a 
beginner4'  ,she turned from me quickly 
and left the room4  ,i was perplexed and
 disturbed4  ,i had felt sure that my   
little plan was going to succeed1 and ,i
 was very disappointed at its apparent  
failure4 ,i knew that she still cared   
for him1 and why she would persist in   
standing in her own light1 and putting  
such happiness from her1 ,i could not   
imagine6  ,that evening ,miss ,rayner   
and ,i were dining alone as ,philip had 
an engagement out4  ,i was a little     
anxious about him1 as he was only just  
recovering from a bad cold1 and made him
 wrap up very warmly before he went4    
,miss ,rayner said to me at dinner1 ',i 
am afraid your husband's health is a    
great anxiety to you4'  ',it is a little
 cloud to our happiness1' ,i said1 'but 
we are not troubled4  ,i always feel ,he
 is in ,god's hands2 ,i suppose we shall
 never have unclouded sunshine on earth1

 and ,i don't think ,i would have it so1
 otherwise we should perhaps lose the   
experience of dwelling deep1 and ,i     
would not wish that4'  ',have you seen  
,kenneth at all lately8' ,miss ,rayner  
asked4  ',i heard he was up in town4    
,do you know1 ,i used to fancy that he  
was very partial to you4'  ,i laughed4  
',he says he is still2 but ,kenneth is  
just ,kenneth1 ,miss ,rayner6  ,i look  
upon him as a brother4  ,he was calling 
here the other afternoon and brought    
,captain ,gates with him4'  ',was that  
your friend8'  ',yes2 but he got over   
that a long time ago4  ,he is engaged to
 a very nice girl1 ,i believe1 and told 
me he was steadying down4  ,i wish he   
had the real thing in his life2 but     
perhaps it may come yet4'  ,a short time
 after dinner ,i was surprised by ,mr4  
,ratcliffe being announced4  ,miss      
,rayner did not happen to be in the     
room4  ,he looked a little awkward1 ,i  
thought1 and said1 ',i meant to have    
given ,miss ,rayner a ,report of our    

,mission this morning1 and thought ,i   
would bring it round1 as ,i understood  
she was leaving you to-morrow morning4' 
',yes1' ,i said gravely2 ',i am afraid  
she is4  ,i wish you could persuade her 
to stay a little longer4'  ,i have no   
influence over her1' he said1 a little  
sadly4  ',but you once had1' ,i said    
softly4  ',do you know about us1 ,mrs4  
,stanton8' and there was a slight       
eagerness in his tone4  ',how ,i wish   
you could help me now6  ,all these      
years1 though ,i have steadfastly put it
 in the background1 her face--in fact1  
her self--has been haunting me4  ,there 
has only been one woman in the world for
 me2 and now1 when ,i find her so       
changed1 ,i thought that perhaps she    
might--even though ,i am no longer      
young--be willing to come to me4  ,her  
parting words years ago were1 ,it is not
 you that ,i dislike1 but your views2   
and those ,i cannot stand4  ,now she    
loves those very things that were so    
distasteful to her1 and yet she will not

 listen to me4  ,i can only conclude her
 affection for me died out long ago1 and
 is a thing of the past4'  ',no1 no1' ,i
 cried2 'it is not so4  ,i believe you  
have always been as much in her thoughts
 as she has been in yours4  ,i cannot   
quite understand her now4  ,she seems as
 if she is afraid of letting you see    
what is in her heart4  ,i should        
persevere1 if ,i were you1 and make her 
listen to you4'  ,i could say no more1  
for the door opened and ,miss ,rayner   
came in4  ,i saw from the determined set
 of her lips1 and the distant1 frosty   
tones in which she spoke to him1 that   
she had no intention of relenting2 and  
,i knew it was only a cloak to hide her 
real feelings1 and longed to tear it    
aside4  ,i tried all in my power to make
 conversation easy between them4  ,i    
could not bear to see the troubled1     
pathetic look in ,mr4 ,ratcliffe's eyes4
  ,miss ,rayner was in her worst        
mood--cynical and hard4  ,she did not   
seem to care how she was wounding by her

 words1 and ,i felt she was purposely   
representing herself in the worst light 
possible4  ,suddenly a thought struck   
me4  ,i knew how music softened her1 and
 quietly taking out my violin1 ,i asked 
them if they would like me to play4     
,they assented1 and moving to a distant 
corner of the room ,i began4  ,i think  
,i put all my soul into it1 for ,i was  
longing the sweet sounds should soothe  
and soften her1 as they had so often    
before4  ,i played on4  ,there was      
perfect silence in the room4  ,she was  
sitting in the firelight1 and he1       
leaning against the chimney-piece1 never
 took his eyes off her face4  ,when ,i  
at last paused ,i saw her eyes were     
moist1 and all the hard lines about her 
face had entirely disappeared4  ,without
 a word ,i slipped softly out of the    
room1 and going into ,philip's study1 ,i
 knelt down and asked that the two      
hearts and lives that had been so long  
severed might be brought together again4
  ,then ,i waited1 and the time seemed  

long before ,i heard the drawing-room   
door open1 and ,mr4 ,ratcliffe's voice  
inquire1 ',where is ,mrs4 ,stanton8'  ,i
 went out1 and received a grasp of the  
hand that ,i felt for long after4  ',god
 bless you for what you have done for me
 to-night6' he said1 in an agitated     
tone2 and without another word he       
departed4  ,i went in to ,miss ,rayner4 
,she was sitting where ,i had left her1 
but no explanation was needed to see    
from the expression of her face what had
 taken place4  ,i just went up to her1  
and put my arms round her neck4  ',i am 
so glad and thankful1' ,i whispered1    
'and ,i do hope that you will be happy4'
  ,miss ,rayner did not speak for a     
minute1 and then she said1 in a broken  
voice1--  ',you have brought two        
blessings into my life1 child4  ,this   
present one is big enough1 but the other
 outweighs it by far1 and my heart is   
too full to speak of it4  ,as for ,mr4  
,ratcliffe1 ,i only hope ,i shall be a  
help to him now1 and not a hindrance4'  

',it is all right1 ,philip1' ,i said1 as
 ,i met my husband an hour later in the 
hall2 'they have come together at last6'
  ,he put his arm round me1 and said    
gently1--  ',i hope ,ratcliffe will be  
as much helped and blessed by his wife  
as ,i have been by mine4  ,i have       
experienced the truth of this1 ,he that 
getteth a wife beginneth a possession1 a
 help like unto himself1 and a pillar of
 rest4'   ,,the ,,end