,,through ,,the ,,land ,,of ,,doubt ,,and ,,back ,,again999999 of the ,university of ,michigan ,digital ,library ,production ,service 7http3_/_/www4hti4umich4edu_/m_/moagrp_/ 7 ,note3 ,images of the original pages are available through the ,making of ,americal ,collection of the ,university of ,michigan's ,digital ,library ,production ,service4 ,see http3_/_/www4hti4umich4edu_/cgi_/t_/text _/text-idx8cmoa2cmoajrnl2gmoagrp2xc#a2q# a;,barker2rgnfull#bjtext2cite#a;,barker2 cite#arestrictauthor2viewtoc2idno,,ajk#b gca4jjja4jja2;ccmoa ,,modern ,,skepticism3 ,a ,,journey ,,through ,,the ,,land ,,of ,,doubt ,,and ,,back ,,again4 ,a ,life ,story by ,,joseph ,,barker4 ,philadelphia3 ,smith1 ,english ,co4 #ahgd4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahgd1 by ,rev4 ,joseph ,barker1 ,in the office of the ,librarian of ,congress at ,washington4 ,jas4 ,b4 ,rodgers ,co41 ,printers and ,stereotypers1 ,philadelphia4 ,,contents4 ,,preface1 #g ,,chapter ,i4 ,introduction4--,my early life4--,enter the ,church4--,the ,ministry4--,happy days4--,sad change4--,how happened it8 #ag ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,causes of unbelief4--,vice4--,other causes4--,constitutional tendencies to doubt4--,disappointed expectations about ,christianity4--,mysteries of ,providence4--,misrepresentations of ,christ and ,christianity in human creeds4--,church divisions4--,ignorant advocates of ,christianity4--,wrong principles of reasoning4--,false science1 #ai ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,another cause of unbelief4--,bad feeling between ministers or among church members4--,alienates them from each other4--,then separates them from the ,church4--,then from ,christ4--,how it works4--,my case1 #bf ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,origin of the unhappy feeling between me and some of my brother ministers4--,tendencies of my mind4--,rationalizing tendency4--,its effects4--,reading4--,investigations4--, discoveries1 #cj ,,chapter ,v4 ,modification of my early creed4--,unscriptural doctrines relinquished4--,scriptural ones adopted4--,some doctrines modified4--,theological fictions dropped4--,eager for the pure1 simple truth as taught by ,jesus4--,doctrine of types given up4--,other notions relinquished4--,alarm of some of my brethren at these changes1 #dd ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,how preachers and theologians indulge their fancies on religion4--,john ,wesley4--,his resolution to be a man of one book4--,what came of his resolution4--,his sermon on ,god's approbation of ,his works1--unscriptural and unphilosophical throughout4--,illustrations and proofs4--,and ,wesley was one of the best and wisest1 one of the most honest and single-minded of our theologians4--,what then may we expect of others8--,evils of theological trifling4--,mischievous effects of mixing human fictions with ,divine revelations1 #ee ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,further theological investigations4--,unwarranted statements by preachers4--,john ,foster's ,essay on ,some of the ,causes by which ,evangelical ,religion is ,rendered ,distasteful to ,persons of ,cultivated ,minds4--,introduction of similar views to the notice of my ministerial brethren4--,the reception they met with4--,no ,church has got all the truth4--,most ,churches1 perhaps all1 have got portions of it1 which others have not4--,my attempts to gather up the fragments from all4--,freedom from bigotry4--,love to all ,christians4--,judging trees by their fruit4--,reading the books of various denominations1 like foreign travel1 liberalizes the mind4--,i found truth and goodness in all denominations4--,appropriated all as part of my patrimony4--,results4--,suspicions and fears among my brethren4--,mutterings3 ,backbitings3 ,controversy4 ,bad feeling1 #fe ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,my style of preaching4--,decidedly practical4--,using ,christianity as a means for making bad people into good ones1 and good ones always better4--,reasons for this method4--,a family trait4--,hereditary4--,great need of practical preaching4--,folly of other kinds of ,preaching4--,littleness of great ,preachers4--,worthlessness of great sermons4--,the ,truly ,great are the ,greatly ,good and ,greatly ,useful4--,my ,models4--,the ,bible4--,jesus4--,my ,favorite ,preachers4--,billy ,dawson1 ,david ,stoner1 ,james ,parsons4--,my ,favorite ,books4--,the ,bible--,nature4--,simple ,common ,sense1 instructive1 earnest1 moving books4--,how my preaching was received by the people4--,its effects on churches and congregations4--,uneasiness of my colleagues4--,fresh mutterings2 tale bearings2 controversies2 and more bad feeling1 #hb ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,extracts from my ,diary4--,a strange preacher4--,horrible sermons4--,lights of the world that give no light4--,theological mist and smoke4--,narrow-mindedness4--,intoleranc e4--,t4 ,allin1--,great preaching great folly4--,a4 ,scott1--,a good preacher4--,sanctification4--,keep to ,scripture4--,r4 ,watson3 theological madness4--,big ,books on the way of salvation2 puzzling folks4--,antinomian utterances about ,christ's work and man's salvation4--,preachers taking the devil's side2 and doing his work4--,scarcity of common sense in priesthoods1 and of uncommon sense4--,the great abundance of nonsense and bad sense4--,common religious expressions that are false4--,favorite ,hymns that are not ,scriptural--,baxter's good sense1 #ih ,,chapter ,x4 ,reforming tendencies4--,corruptions in the ,church4--,bad trades4--,faults in the ministry4--,toleration of vice4--,drinking habits4--,intemperance4--,the ,connexion4--,faulty rules4--,bad customs4--,defective institutions4--,all encouraged to suggest reforms and punished for doing so4--,original principles of the ,connexion set aside1 and persecution substituted for freedom4--,my simplicity4--,my reward4--,the ,ministry4--,drunkenness4--,teetotalism4 --,advocacy of ,temperance4--,outcry of preachers4--,my ,evangelical ,reformer4--,articles on the prevailing vices of the ,church2 ,on ,toleration and ,human ,creeds2--,on ,channing's ,works2 ,on ,anti-,christian trading1 c41 get me into trouble4--,conference interference4--,conference trials4--,the state of things critical4--,no remedy4--,matters get worse and worse4--,exciting events3 too many to be named here4--,envy1 jealousy1 rage1 strife1 confusion1 and many evil works4--,conspiracies3 ,fierce conflicts4--,expulsion1 #aag ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,explanations about the different ,methodist ,bodies4--,grounds of my reformatory proceedings4--,about immoralities4--,christianity not to blame for the faults of professors and preachers4--,my own defects1 #aec ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,story of my life continued4--,results of my expulsion4--,fierce fighting4--,desperation of my persecutors4--,great excitement on my part4--,rank crop of slanders4--,monstrous ones4--,and silly ones4--,bad deeds as well as wicked words4--,hard work4--,exhaustion4--,powerlessness4--,t hree days' rest4--,long sleep4--,wonderful1--delightful1--result 4--,public debates4--,remarkable occurrences2 seemed ,providential4--,a lying opponent unexpectedly confronted and confounded4--,new ,body1--,christian ,brethren4--,my church at ,newcastle4--,change in my views1 and fresh troubles4--,losses4--,poverty4--,learn the ,printing business4--,follow it under difficulties4--,want of funds4--,generous friends4 ,family on the verge of want4--,pray4--,an unlooked-for cart-load of provisions4--,trust in ,providence4--,false friends4--,true ones4--,a mad utterance4--,a worse deed4--,theological ,conventions4--,free investigations and public discussions4--,change of views1 #ajc ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,approach to ,unitarianism4--,kindness of ,unitarians4--,preaching and lecturing in their pulpits4--,ten nights' public discussion with ,rev4 ,w4 ,cooke4--,subjects4--,results4--,publica tions4--,now periodicals4--,unitarian invitation to ,london4--,public reception4--,liberal contributions to ,steam ,press ,fund4--,press presentation4--,dr4 ,bateman2 ,dr4-,sir-,john ,bowring4--,pleasurable change from intolerance and persecution to friendship and favor4--,discoveries4--,unitarianism has many phases4--,channingism4--,anti-supernatur alism4--,deism4--,atheism4--,gradually slid down to the lower1 #aia ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,the ,bible4--,my earliest views of its origin and authority4--,changed as ,i grew up4--,further changes4--,important facts about the ,bible4--,false theories of its ,divine inspiration4--,the true--the ,bible's own1--doctrine on the subject4--,needful to keep inside of this4--,no defence outside either for the ,bible or for ,bible men4--,explanations3 illustrations3 testimonies of celebrated writers4--,the ,,perfection of the ,bible--in what does it consist4--,foolish and impossible notions of perfection4--,no absolute perfection in any thing4--,no need for it4--,foolish talk about infallibility4--,other important testimonies1 #bjb ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,enters politics4--,advocates extreme political views4--,republicanism4--,foretells the ,french ,revolution of #ahdh4--;,great political excitement in ,england4--,government alarmed4--,get arrested4--,lodged in prison4--,trial4--,triumph over ,government4--,great rejoicings4--,elected member of ,parliament for ,bolton1 and ,town ,councillor for ,leeds4--,exhaustion from excess of labor4--,health fails4--,terrible ,pains4--,voyage to ,america and back4--,removes to ,america4--,objects in doing so4--,settles on a farm4--,gets into fresh excitement4--,the ,abolitionists4--,women's ,rights4--,all kinds of wild revolutionary theories4--,go farther into unbelief instead of getting back to ,christ4--,a mad world1 with strange unwritten histories1 and awful1 nameless mysteries1 #bda ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,story of my descent from the faith of my childhood1 to doubt and unbelief4--,bad theological teaching in my early days4--,dreadful results4--,perplexity4--,madness4--,surv ive all1 and get over it4--,the first arguments ,i heard for the ,bible4--,true basis of religious belief4--,reading on the evidences4--,effects4--,unsound arguments4--,their effect4--,internal evidences best4--,negative criticism1 long continued1 ruinous both to faith and virtue4--,moving ever downwards4--,the devil as a theologian1 a poet and a philosopher4--,bible ,conventions4--,w4 ,l4 ,garrison1 ,a4 ,j4 ,davis4--,public discussions in ,philadelphia with ,dr4 ,mc,calla4--,the ,doctor's disgraceful failure4--,great1--mad1--excitement4--,n arrow escape from murder4--,eight nights' debate with ,dr4 ,berg4--,the good cause suffered through bad management4--,the ,doctor took an untenable position4--,undertook to prove too much and failed4--,substantially right1 but logically wrong4--,other debates in ,ohio1 ,indiana1 ,england and ,scotland4--,mean and mischievous opponents4--,honorable and useful ones4--,bad advocates of a good cause1 its worst enemies1 #bfi ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,continuation of my ,story4--,lectures on the ,bible in ,ohio4--,trouble4--,riot4--,rotten eggs4--,midnight mischief4--,had to move4--,settlement among ,liberals1 ,comeouters4--,too fond of liberty4--,would have my share as well as their own4--,fresh trouble4--,another forced move4--,settlement in the wilds of ,nebraska1 among ,indians1 wolves1 and rattlesnakes4--,experience there4--,a change for the better4--,how brought about4--,quiet of mind4--,reflection4--,horrors of ,atheism4--,destroys the value of life4--,deceives you2 mocks you2 makes you intolerably miserable4--,suggests suicide4--,prosperity not good for much without religion3 adversity1 sickness1 pain1 loss1 bereavement intolerable4--,strange adventures in the wilderness2 terrible dangers2 wonderful deliverances4--,solemn thoughts and feelings in the boundless desert4--,solitude and silence preach4--,religious feelings revive4--,recourse to old religious books4--,demoralizing tendency of unbelief4--,lecture in ,philadelphia4--,cases of infidel depravity4--,you can't make people good1 nor even decent1 without religion4--,infidelity means utter debasement4--,a good1 a loving1 and a faithful wife1 who never ceases to pray4--,return to ,england4--,experience there4--,unbounded licentiousness of ,secularism4--,total separation from the infidel party4--,my new ,periodical4--,resolution to re-read the ,bible1 to do justice to ,christianity1 c4--,a sight of ,jesus4--,happy results4--,change both of head and heart4--,happy transformation of character4--,a new life4--,new work4--,new lot4--,from darkness to light1--,from death to life1--from purgatory to paradise1--from hell to heaven1 #caj ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,parties whose ,christian sympathy1 and wise words1 and generous deeds1 helped me back to ,christ1 #cde ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,the steps by which ,i gradually returned to ,christ4--,lectures and sermons on the road4--,answers to objections against the ,bible and ,christianity4--,spiritualism4--,strange phenomena4--,answers to objections advanced by myself in the ,berg debate4--,the position to be taken by advocates of the ,bible and ,christianity4--,additional remarks on ,divine inspiration4--,what it implies1 and what it does not imply4--,overdoing is undoing4--,genesis and ,geology4--,the ,bible and ,science4--,public discussions1--explanation4--,at ,home in the ,church4--,sorrowful1 yet always rejoicing4--,joy unspeakable1 #cee ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,lessons ,i have learned4--#a4 ,men slow to learn wisdom by the experience of others4--#b4 ,danger of bad feeling4--#c4 ,of a controversial spirit4--#d4 ,old ministers should deal tenderly with their younger brethren4--#e4 ,young thinkers should be prayerful1 humble1 watchful2 yet faithful to conscience and to truth1 trusting in ,god4--#f4 ,with ,christian faith goes ,christian virtue4--,the tendency of unbelief is ever downwards4--#g4 ,unbelievers are not irreclaimable4--,we should not pass them by unpitied or unhelped4--#h4 ,converts from infidelity must look for trials4--,they must not expect too much from churches and ministers4 ,paul's case4--#i4 ,they must risk all for ,christ1 and bear their losses and troubles patiently4--#aj4 ,they should join the ,church1 right away4--,not look for a perfect ,church4--,keep inside4--,bear unpleasantnesses meekly4--,stones made smooth and round in the stream1 by the rubbing they get from other stones4--,reformers should move gently1 and have long patience4--,the more haste the worst speed4--,killing rats4--#ab4 ,unbelief1 when not a sin1 is a terrible calamity3 a world of calamities in one1 #djf ,,concluding ,,remarks1 #dcg ,,preface4 ,the object of this ,book is1 ,first1 to explain a portion of my own history1 and1 ,secondly1 to check the spread of infidelity1 and promote the interests of ,christianity4 ,how far it is calculated to answer these ends ,i do not pretend to know4 ,i have no very high opinion of the work myself4 ,i fear it has great defects4 ,on some points ,i may have said too much1 and on others too little4 ,i cannot tell4 ,i have however done my best1 and ,i would fain hope1 that my labors will not prove to have been altogether in vain4 ,i have spent considerable time with a view to bring my readers to distinguish between the doctrines of ,christ1 and the theological fictions which are so extensively propagated in ,his name4 ,it is exceedingly desirable that nothing should pass for ,christianity1 but ,christianity itself4 ,and it is equally desirable that ,christianity should be seen in its true light1 as presented in the teachings and character1 in the life and death of its great ,author4 ,a correct exposition of ,christianity is its best defence4 ,a true1 a plain1 a faithful and just exhibition of its spirit and teachings1 and of its adaptation to the wants of man1 and of its tendency to promote his highest welfare1 is the best answer to all objections1 and the most convincing proof of its truth and divinity4 ,and the truth1 the reasonableness1 the consistency1 the purifying and ennobling tendency1 and the unequalled consoling power of ,christianity1 can be proved1 and proved with comparative ease2 but to defend the nonsense1 the contradictions1 the antinomianism and the blasphemies of theology is impossible4 ,i have taken special pains to explain my views on the ,divine ,inspiration of the ,scriptures4 ,i am satisfied that no attempts to answer the objections of infidels against the ,bible will prove satisfactory1 so long as men's views on this subject go beyond the teachings of the ,scriptures themselves4 ,to the fanciful theories of a large number of ,theologians the sacred writings do not answer1 and you must therefore1 either set aside those theories1 and put a more moderate one in their place1 or give up the defence of the ,bible in despair4 ,i therefore leave the extravagant theories to their fate1 and content myself with what the ,scriptures themselves say2 and ,i feel at rest and secure4 ,the views ,i have given on the subject in this work1 and in my pamphlet on the ,bible1 are not new4 ,you may find them in the works of quite a number of ,evangelical ,authors4 ,the only credit to which ,i am entitled is1 that ,i state them with great plainness1 and without reserve1 and that ,i do not1 after having given them on one page1 take them back again on the next4 ,how far my friends will be able to receive or tolerate my views on these points1 ,i do not know4 ,i hope they will ponder them with all the candor and charity they can4 ,i have kept as near to orthodox standards as ,i could1 without doing violence to my conscience1 and injustice to the truth4 ,i would never be singular1 if ,i could honestly help it4 ,it is nothing but a regard to ,god1 and duty1 and the interests of humanity1 that prevents me going with the multitude4 ,it would be gratifying in the extreme to see truth and the majority on one side1 and to be permitted to take my place with them3 but if the majority take sides with error1 ,i must take my place with the minority1 and look for my comfort in a good conscience1 and in the sweet assurance of ,god's love and favor4 ,a ,dream4 ,in looking over some manuscripts some time ago1 belonging to a relation of my wife's father-in-law1 ,i found the following story of a dream4 ,some have no regard for dreams1 but ,i have4 ,i have both read of dreams1 and had dreams myself1 that answered marvellously to great realities2 and this may be one of that kind4 ,in any case1 as the ,preface does not take up all the space set apart for it1 ,i am disposed to give it a few of the vacant pages4 ,the dreamer's account of his dream is as follows4 ',after tiring my brain one day with reading a long debate between a ,catholic and a ,protestant about the ,infallibility of the ,church and the ,bible1 ,i took a walk along a quiet field-path near the river1 full of thought on the subject on which ,i had been reading4 ,the fresh air1 the pleasant scene1 and the ripple of the stream1 had such a soothing effect on me1 that ,i lost myself1 and passed unconsciously from the ,world of realities1 into the ,land of dreams4 ,i found myself in a large ,hall1 filled with an eager crowd1 listening to a number of men who had assembled1 as ,i was told1 to discuss the affairs of the ,universe1 and put an end to controversy4 ,the subject under discussion just then was the ,sun4 ,i found that after the world had lived in its light for thousands of years1 and been happy in the abundance of the fruit1 and grain1 and numberless blessings produced by his wondrous influences1 some one1 who had looked at the ,great ,light through a powerful telescope1 had discovered that there were several dark spots on his disk or face1 and that some of them were of a very considerable size4 ,he named the matter to a number of his friends who1 looking through the telescope for themselves1 saw that such was really the case4 ',now there happened to be an order of persons in the ,land of dreams whose business it was to praise the ,sun1 and extol its ,light4 ,and they had a theory to the effect1 that the ,light of the ,sun was unmixed1 and that the ,sun itself was one uniform mass of brightness and brilliancy1 without speck1 or spot1 or any such thing4 ,they held that the ,head of their order was the ,maker of the ,sun1--that ,he ,himself was ,light1 and that in ,him was no darkness at all2 and that the ,sun was exactly like ,him1 intense1 unmingled1 and unvarying ,light4 ,when these people heard of the alleged discovery of the spots1 they raised a tremendous cry1 and some howled1 and some shrieked1 and all united in pronouncing the statement a fiction1 and in denouncing in severe terms1 both its author1 and all who took his part1 as deceivers2 as the enemies of the ,sun1 as blasphemers of its ,author1 and as the enemies of the human race4 ',this was one of the great controversies which this world-wide convention had met to bring to an end4 ',as ,i took my place in the ,hall1 one of the ,professors of the ,solar ,university was speaking4 ,he said the story about the spots was a wicked calumny2 and he went into a lengthy and labored argument to show1 that the thing was absurd and impossible4 ',the ,sun1' said he1 'was made by an ,all-perfect ,artificer1--made on purpose to be a ,light1 the ,great ,light of the world1 and a ,light it must be1 and nothing else but a ,light2 a pure unsullied ,light all round1 without either spot1 or speck of any kind1 or any varying shade of brilliancy in any part4' ,he added1 ',to say the contrary1 is to do the ,sun injustice1 to dishonor its ,all-glorious ,author1 to alienate the minds of men from the ,heavenly ,luminary1 to destroy their faith in his ,light and warmth1 to plunge the world into darkness1 and reduce it to a state of utter desolation4 ,if the ,sun is not all light1 he is no ,light at all4 ,if there be dark spots on one part of his face1 there may be dark spots on every part4 ,all may be dark1 and what seems ,light may be an illusion2 a false ,light1 'that leads to bewilder1 and dazzles to blind4' ,he is not to be trusted4 ,every thing is uncertain4' ,and he called the man who said he had seen the spots1 an impostor1 a blasphemer1 a scavenger1 an ass1 a foreigner1 and a number of other strange names4 ',the man he was abusing so unmercifully1 stepped forward1 and in a meek and quiet spirit said1 ',i saw the spots with my own eyes4 ,i have seen them scores of times4 ,i can show them to you1 if you will look through this glass4' ',your glass is a cheat1 a lie1' said the ,professor4 ',but others have seen them1' said the man1 'as well as ,i1 and seen them through a number of other glasses4' '',it is impossible1' answered the ,professor4 ',a ,sun made by an ,all-perfect ,god1 and made on purpose to be a ,light1 cannot possibly be defaced with dark spots2 and whoever says any thing to the contrary is a ----4' ',here the ,professor rested his case2--',a ,sun without spots1 or no ,sun4 ,light without variation of shade1 or no ,light4 ,prove that the ,sun has spots1 and you reduce him to a level with an old extinguished lamp1 that is fit for nothing but to be cast away as an unclean and worthless thing4 ,the honor of ,god1 and the welfare of the universe all hang on this one question1--,spots1 or no spots6' ',his fellow professors took his part1 and many spoke in the same strain4 ,but the belief in the spots made its way1 and spread further every day1 and the consequence was1 the obstinate ,professors were confounded and put to shame4 ,facts were too strong for them1 and their credit and influence were damaged beyond remedy4 ',after the ,professors of the ,sun were silenced1 the ,man in the ,moon arose and spoke4 ,he contended that both ,sun and ,moon were free from spots1 but said1 that no one could see the ,sun as it really was1 unless he lived in the ,moon1 and looked at it from his standpoint4 ',the ,moon1' said he1 'like the ,sun1 is the work of the ,all-perfect ,creator2 and its face is one unchanging blaze of absolute and unvaried brightness4' ',now all who had ever looked at the ,moon1 had noticed1 that no part of her face was as bright as the ,sun1 and that some portions were of a shade considerably darker than the rest4 ,and ,i noticed that even the ,professors who had spoken extravagantly about the ,sun1 looked at each other and smiled1 when they heard the statements of the ,man in the ,moon4 ,indeed there was such a tittering and a giggling through the ,hall1 that the meeting was broken up4 ',i hastened out1 and found there were a hundred discussions going on in the street4 ,many of the disputants seemed greatly excited4 ,i felt melancholy4 ,a quiet-looking man1 with a very gentle expression of countenance1 came up to me1 and in tones of remarkable sweetness1 said1 ',you seem moved4' ',i feel troubled1' said ,i4 ',i don't know what to think2 and ,i don't know what to do4' ,he smiled1 and said1 ',none of these things move me4' ,then lifting up his eyes towards ,heaven he said1--',the ,sun still shines2 and ,i feel his blessed warmth as sensibly as ever4 ,and the millions of our race still live and rejoice in his beams4' ',thank ,god1' said ,i3 ',yes1 ,i see1 he still shines2 and ,i will rest contented with his light and warmth4' ',the spots are there1' said he1 'past doubt2 but experience1 the strongest evidence of all1 proves that they do not interfere with the beneficent influences of the ,great and ,glorious ,orb1 or lessen his claims to our respect and veneration1 or diminish one jot our obligations to his great ,author4 ,they have their use1 no doubt4 ,the ,sun might be too brilliant without them1 and destroy our eyes1 instead of giving us light4 ,too much light might prove as bad as too little4 ,all is well4 ,i accept plain facts4 ,to deny them is to fight against ,god4 ,to admit them and trust in ,god is the true faith1 and the germ of all true virtue and piety4 '',i have no faith in the kind of absolute perfection those professors contend for1 either in ,sun or ,moon1 ,bible or ,church2 but ,i believe in the ,,sufficiency1 or practical perfection of all1 and am as happy1 and only wish ,i were as good and useful1 as ----' ',just as he spoke those words1 ,i awoke4 ,he seemed as if he had much to say1 and ,i would fain have heard him talk his sweet talk till now2 but perhaps ,i had heard enough1 and ought now to set myself heartily to work1 to get through with the business of my life4' ,so ends the ,dream-story4 ,some writers seem to think that their readers should understand and receive their views1 however new and strange they may be1 the moment they place them before their minds4 ,they cannot understand how that which is clear to them1 should not be plain to everybody else4 ,and there are some readers who seem to think1 that every thing they meet with in the books they read1 however much it may be out of the way of their ordinary thought1 or however contrary to their long-cherished belief1 should1 if it be really intelligible and true1 appear so to them at first glance4 ,how can anything seem mysterious or untrue to them1 that is not mysterious or untrue in its very nature8 ,it so happened1 that along with the dream-story1 ,i found the following fragment4 ,it is not an interpretation of the dream1 but it seems as if it might teach a useful lesson1 both to writers and readers4 ',something more than light1 and eyes1 and surrounding objects1 is necessary to seeing4 ,a new-born child may have light1 and eyes1 and surrounding objects1 and yet not see anything distinctly4 ,and a man born blind may have the film removed from his eyes1 and be placed1 at noontide1 in the midst of a world of interesting objects1 and yet1 instead of seeing things1 as we see them1 have nothing but a confounding and distressing sensation4 ,seeing1 as we see1 is the result of habit1 acquired by long-continued use4 ,the new-born babe must have time to exercise its eyes1 and exercise its little mind as well1 before it can distinguish face from face1 and form from form4 ,the man who has just received his sight must have time for similar exercise1 before he can enjoy the rich pleasures and advantages of sight to perfection4 ,even we who have had our sight for fifty years do not see as many things in a picture1 a landscape1 or a bed of flowers1 when we see them for the first time1 as those who have been accustomed to inspect and examine such objects for years4 ',and so it is with mental and moral vision4 ,something more than a mind1 and instruction1 and mental objects are necessary to enable a man to understand religion and duty4 ,attention1 study1 comparison1 continued with calmness1 and candor1 and patience1 for days1 for months1 or for years1 may be necessary to enable a skeptic to understand1 to believe1 and to feel like those who have long been disciples of ,christ4 ',and a change of habits1 continued till it produces a change of tastes and desires1 is necessary to prepare the sensualist to judge correctly with regard to things moral and religious4 ,we must not therefore expect a good lecture1 or an able book1 to cure a skeptic of his doubts at once4 ,it may produce an effect which1 in time1 if the party be faithful to duty1 will end in his conversion at a future day4 ,the seed committed to the soil does not produce rich harvests in a day4 ,a change of air and habits does not at once regenerate the invalid4 ,the husbandman has to wait long for his crop3 and the physician has to wait long for the recovery of his patient4 ,and the skeptic has to wait long1 till the seed of truth1 deposited in his soul1 unfolds its germs1 and produces the rich ripe harvest of faith1 and holiness1 and joy4 ',and preachers and teachers must not think it strange1 if their hearers and readers are slow to change4 ,nor must they despond even though no signs of improvement appear for months or years4 ,a change for the better in a student may not be manifest till it has been in progress for years4 ,it may not be perfected for many years4 ,you cannot force a change of mind1 as you can force the growth of a plant in a hot-house4 ,an attempt to do so might stop it altogether4 ,baxter said1 two hundred years ago1 ',nothing so much hindereth the reception of the truth1 as urging it on men with too much importunity1 and falling too heavily on their errors4' ',have patience1 then4 ,teach1 as your pupil may be prepared to learn1 but respect the laws of the ,eternal1 which have fixed long intervals for slow and silent processes1 between the seed-time and the harvest-home4' ,while ,i am in doubt as to whether ,i have put into my book too much on some subjects1 ,i am thoroughly convinced that ,i have put into it too little on others4 ,i have not said enough1 nor half enough1 on ,atheism4 ,i ought to have exposed its groundlessness1 its folly1 and its mischievous and miserable tendency at considerable length4 ,this defect ,i shall try to remedy as soon as possible1 and in the best way ,i can4 ,some weeks ago ,i read a paper before the ,m4 ,e4 ,preachers' ,meeting of ,philadelphia1 on ,,atheism1--what can it say for itself8 ,the paper was received with great favor1 and many asked for its publication4 ,it will form the first article in my next volume4 ,i expect1 in fact1 to give the subject of ,atheism a pretty thorough examination in that volume1 and to show that it is irrational and demoralizing from beginning to end1 and to the last extreme4 ,john ,stuart ,mill1 the head and representative of ,english ,literary and ,philosophical ,atheists1 has left us a history of his life1 and of his father's life4 ,in this work he presents us with full length portraits of himself and his father1 and both gives us their reasons for being ,atheists1 and reveals to us the influence of their ,atheism on their hearts and characters1 as well as on their views on morality1 politics1 and other important subjects4 ,and though the painter1 as we might expect1 flatters to some extent both himself and his father1 yet he gives us the more important features of both so truthfully1 that we have no difficulty in learning from them1 what kind of creatures great ,philosophical ,atheists are1 or in gathering from their works a great amount of information about infidelity1 of the most melancholy1 but of the most interesting and important character4 ,this ,autobiography of ,mr4 ,mill ,i propose to review4 ,i meant to review it in this volume1 but ,i had not room4 ,i intend therefore to give it a place in my next volume1 which may be looked for in the course of the year4 ,another work has just been published1 called ,the ,old ,faith and the ,new4 ,it is the last and most important work of ,d4 ,f4 ,strauss1 the greatest and ablest advocate of antichristian and atheistic views that the ages have produced1--the ,colossus or ,goliath of all the infidel hosts of ,christendom4 ,in this work1 which he calls his ,,confession1 ,strauss1 like ,mill1 gives us a portrait of himself1 exhibiting not only his views1 and the arguments by which he labors to sustain them1 but the influence of those views on the hearts1 the lives1 the characters1 and the enjoyments of men4 ,if this ,book can be answered1--if the arguments of ,strauss can be fairly met1 and his views effectually refuted1 infidelity must suffer serious damage1 and the cause of ,christianity be greatly benefited4 ,i have gone through the ,book with great care4 ,i have measured and weighed its arguments4 ,and my conviction is1 that the work admits of a thorough and satisfactory refutation4 ,if ,i had had space1 ,i should have made some remarks on it in this volume3 but ,i had not4 ,i propose therefore to review it at considerable length in my next4 ,some time ago ,robert ,owen was a prominent man in the infidel world4 ,he was extolled by his friends as a great ,philanthropist4 ,he too left us a history of his life1 and his son1 ,robert ,dale ,owen1 has just been repeating portions of that history in the ,atlantic ,monthly4 ,it may be interesting to my readers to know what ,atheism can do in the way of ,philanthropy4 ,we propose therefore to add a review of the ,life of ,robert ,owen to those of ,strauss and ,mill4 ,robert ,dale ,owen himself was an ,atheist formerly1 and a very zealous and able advocate of ,atheistical views4 ,he gives his articles in the ,atlantic ,monthly as an autobiography1 and seeks to make the impression that he has revealed to his readers all the important facts of his history without reserve4 ,and he has certainly revealed some strange things4 ,but there are certain facts which he has not revealed1 facts of great importance too1 calculated to show the demoralizing tendency of infidelity4 ,we propose to render the autobiography of ,mr4 ,dale ,owen more complete1 more interesting1 and more instructive1 by the addition of some of those facts4 ,frances or ,fanny ,wright was a friend of ,mr4 ,dale ,owen's4 ,she was the great representative female ,atheist of her time4 ,like ,mr4 ,dale ,owen's father1 she was rich1 and like him1 seemed desirous to do something in the way of philanthropy4 ,mr4 ,dale ,owen1 who was her agent for some time1 gives us some interesting facts with regard to her history1 which may prove of service to our readers4 ,in ,buckle we have an ,atheistical ,historian1 who endeavors to prove that we are indebted for all the advantages of our superior civilization1 not to ,christianity1 but to natural science and skepticism alone4 ,he represents ,christianity as the enemy of science1 and as the great impediment to the advance of civilization4 ,these views of ,buckle we regard as false and foolish to the last extreme1 and we expect to be able to show that ,europe and ,america are indebted for their superior civilization1 and even for their rich treasures of natural science1 not to infidelity1 but to the influence of ,christianity4 ,matthew ,arnold has just published an interesting book entitled ,,literature ,,and ,,dogma4 ,it is however a mixed work2 and we propose1 while noticing a number of its beautiful utterances1 to make a few remarks on some of its objectionable sentiments4 ,there is a great multitude of important facts with regard to ,christianity1--facts which can be understood and appreciated by persons of ordinary capacity1 and which no man of intelligence and candor will be disposed to call in question2 yet facts of such a character as cannot fail1 when duly considered1 to leave the impression on men's minds1 that ,christianity is the perfection of all wisdom and goodness1 and worthy of acceptance as a revelation from an all-perfect ,god1 and as the mightiest and most beneficent friend of mankind4 ,a number of those facts we propose to give in our next volume4 ,,modern ,,skepticism4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,introduction4 ,when a man has travelled far1 and seen strange lands1 and dwelt among strange peoples1 and encountered unusual dangers1 it is natural1 on his return home1 that he should feel disposed to communicate to his family and friends some of the incidents of his travels1 and some of the discoveries which he may have made on his way4 ,so when a man has travelled far along the way of life1 especially if he has ventured on strange paths1 and come in contact with strange characters1 and had altogether a large and varied experience1 it is natural1 as he draws near to the end of his journey1 or when he reaches one of its more important stages1 that he should feel disposed to communicate to his friends and kindred some of the incidents of his life's pilgrimage1 and some of the lessons which his experience may have engraven on his heart4 ,he will especially be anxious to guard those who have life's journey yet before them1 against the errors into which he may have fallen1 and so preserve them from the sorrows that he may have had to endure4 ,and so it is with me4 ,i have travelled far along the way of life4 ,i may now be near its close4 ,i have certainly of late passed one of its most important stages4 ,i have had a somewhat eventful journey4 ,there are but few perhaps who have had a larger or more varied experience4 ,i have committed great errors1 and ,i have in consequence passed through grievous sorrows2 and ,i would fain do something towards saving those who come after me from similar errors and from similar sorrows3 and this is the object of the work before you4 ,at an early period1 when ,i was little more than sixteen years of age1 ,i became a member of the ,methodist society4 ,before ,i was twenty ,i became a local preacher4 ,before ,i was twenty-three ,i became a travelling preacher2 and after ,i had got over the first great difficulties of my calling1 ,i was happy in my work2 as happy as a mortal man need wish to be4 ,it was my delight to read good books1 to study ,god's ,word and works1 and to store my mind with useful knowledge4 ,to preach the ,gospel1 to turn men from darkness to light1 and from the power of ,satan to ,god1 and to promote the instruction and improvement of ,god's people were the joy and rejoicing of my soul4 ,there were times1 and those not a few1 when ,i could sing with ,wesley-- ,in a rapture of joy my life ,i employ1 ,the ,god of my life to proclaim3 ',tis worth living for this1 to administer bliss ,and salvation in ,jesus's name4 ,and ,i was very successful in my work4 ,i never travelled in a circuit in which there was not a considerable increase of members1 and in one place where ,i was stationed1 the numbers in church-fellowship were more than doubled in less than eighteen months4 ,in those days it never once entered my mind that ,i could ever be anything else but a ,christian minister3 yet in course of time ,i ceased to be one2 ceased to be even a ,christian4 ,i was severed first from the ,church1 and then from ,christ1 and ,i wandered at length far away into the regions of doubt and unbelief1 and came near to the outermost confines of eternal night4 ,and the question arises1 ,how happened this8 ,and how happened it that1 after having wandered so far away1 ,i was permitted to return to my present happy position8 ,these two questions ,i shall endeavor1 to the best of my ability1 to answer4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,causes ,,of ,,unbelief4 ,how came ,i to wander into doubt and unbelief8 #a4 ,there are several causes of skepticism and infidelity4 ,one is vice4 ,when a man is bent on forbidden pleasures1 he finds it hard to believe in the truth and divinity of a religion that condemns his vicious indulgences4 ,and the longer he persists in his evil course1 the darker becomes his understanding1 the more corrupt his tastes1 and the more perverse his judgment2 until at length he puts darkness for light1 and light for darkness2 calls evil good and good evil1 and mistakes bitter for sweet1 and sweet for bitter4 ,he becomes an infidel4 ,it is the decree of ,heaven that men who persist in seeking pleasure in unrighteousness1 shall be given up to strong delusions of the devil to believe a lie4 #b4 ,but there are other causes of skepticism and unbelief besides vice4 ,thomas was an unbeliever for a time1--a very resolute one1--yet the ,gospel gives no intimation that he was chargeable with any form of vice4 ,and ,john the ,baptist1 one of the noblest characters in sacred history1 after having proclaimed ,jesus as the ,messiah to others1 came himself to doubt1 whether ,he was really the one that should come1 or they should look for another4 ,like the early disciples of the ,saviour1 and the ,jewish people generally1 ,john expected the ,messiah to take the throne of ,david by force1 and to rule as a temporal prince2 and when ,jesus took a course so very different1 his confidence in his ,messiahship was shaken4 ,and one of the sweetest ,psalmists tells us that1 as for him1 his feet were almost gone2 his steps had well-nigh slipped3 and that1 not because he was eager for sinful pleasures1 but because he saw darkness and clouds around the ,providence of ,god3 he could not understand or justify the ways of ,god to man4 ,and there are thoughtful and good men still who fall into doubt and unbelief from similar causes4 ,the kind of people who1 like ,thomas1 are constitutionally inclined to doubt1 are not all dead4 ,baxter mentions a class of men who lived in his day1 that were always craving for sensible demonstrations4 ,like ,thomas1 they wanted to see and feel before they believed4 ,in other words1 they were not content with faith2 they wanted knowledge4 ,and there are men of that kind still in the world4 ,and the darkness and clouds which the ,psalmist saw around the providence of ,god are not all gone4 ,there are many things in connection with the government of the world that are hard to be understood1--hard to be reconciled by many with their ideas of what is right4 ,there are mysteries both in nature and in history1 which baffle the minds and try the faith of the best and wisest of our race4 #c4 ,and there are matters in connection with ,christianity to try the faith of men4 ,like its great ,author1 when it first made its appearance1 it had neither form nor comeliness in the eyes of many4 ,it neither met the expectations of the selfish1 proud1 ambitious ,jew1 nor of the disputatious1 philosophic ,greek4 ,to the one it was a stumbling-block1 and to the other foolishness4 ,and there have been men in every age1 who have been unable to find in ,christianity all that their preconceived notions had led them to expect in a religion from ,heaven4 ,there are men still1 even among the sincerest and devoutest friends of ,christianity1 who are puzzled and staggered at times by the mysterious aspects of some of its doctrines1 or by some of the facts connected with its history4 ,they cannot understand1 for instance1 how it is that it has not spread more rapidly1 and become1 before this1 the religion of the whole world4 ,you tell them the fault is in its disciples and ministers1 and not in ,christianity itself4 ,but they cannot understand why ,god should allow the success of a system so important to depend on faithless or fallible men4 ,nor can they understand how it is that in the nations in which the ,gospel has been received1 it has not worked a greater transformation of character1 and produced a happier change in their condition4 ,how is it1 they ask1 that it has not extinguished the spirit of war1 destroyed the sordid lust for gain1 developed more fully the spirit of self-sacrificing generosity1 and converted society into one great brotherhood of love8 ,how is it that the ,church is not more holy1 more united1 and more prosperous1--that professors and teachers of ,christianity do not exhibit more of the ,christian character1 and follow more closely the example of the meek and lowly1 the loving and laborious1 the condescending and self-sacrificing ,saviour whose name they bear8 ,they are amazed that so little is done by professing ,christians to save the perishing classes2 that so many of the churches1 instead of grappling with the vice and wretchedness of our large towns1 turn their backs on them1 build their churches in aristocratic neighborhoods mostly1 and compete with one another for the favor of the rich and powerful4 ,they cannot understand how it is1 that churches and ministers do not exert themselves more for the extinction of drunkenness1 gambling1 and licentiousness1 and for the suppression of all trades and customs that minister to sin4 ,it startles them to see to what a fearful extent the churches have allowed the power of the press1 which once was all their own1 to pass out of their hands1 into the hands of selfish1 worldly1 and godless adventurers4 ,these matters admit of explanation1 but there are many to whose minds the explanation is never presented1 and there are some whom nothing will relieve from perplexity and doubt but a grander display of ,christian zeal and philanthropic effort1 on the part of the churches1 for the regeneration of society4 #d4 ,then the religion of ,christ is not1 as a rule1 presented to men in its loveliest and most winning1 or in its grandest and most overpowering form4 ,as presented in the teachings and character of ,christ1 ,christianity is the perfection of wisdom and goodness1 the most glorious revelation of ,god and duty the mind of man can conceive3 but as presented in the creeds1 and characters1 and writings of many of its teachers and advocates1 it has neither beauty1 nor worth1 nor credibility4 ,some teach only a very small portion of ,christianity1 and the portion they teach they often teach amiss4 ,some doctrines they exaggerate1 and others they maim4 ,some they caricature1 distort1 or pervert4 ,and many add to the ,gospel inventions of their own1 or foolish traditions received from their fathers2 and the truth is hid under a mass of error4 ,many conceal and disfigure the truth by putting it in an antiquated and outlandish dress4 ,the language of many theologians1 like the ,latin of the ,romish ,church1 is1 to vast numbers1 a dead language1--an unknown tongue4 ,there are hundreds of words and phrases used by preachers and religious writers which neither they nor their hearers or readers understand4 ,in some of them there is nothing to be understood4 ,they are mere words2 meaningless sounds4 ,some of them have meanings1 but they are hard to come at1 and when you have got at them you find them to be worse than none4 ,they are falsehoods that lurk within the dark and antiquated words4 ,i have heard and even read whole sermons in which nine sentences out of ten had no more meaning in them than the chatter of an ape4 ,perhaps not so much4 ,i have gone through large volumes and found hardly a respectable1 plain-meaning sentence from beginning to end4 ,and wagon loads of so-called religious books may still be found1 in which1 as in the talk of one of ,shakespeare's characters1 the ideas are to the words as three grains of wheat to a bushel of chaff2 you may search for them all day before you find them2 and when you find them they are good for nothing4 ,when ,i first came across such books ,i supposed it was my ignorance or want of capacity that made it impossible for me to understand them2 but ,i found1 at length1 that there was nothing in them to understand4 ,there are other books which have a meaning1 a good meaning1 but it is wrapped up in such out-of-the-way words and phrases1 that it is difficult to get at it4 ,men of science have not only discarded the foolish fictions of darker ages1 but have begun to simplify their language2 to cast aside the unspeakable and unintelligible jargon of the past1 and to use plain1 good1 common ,english1 thus rendering the study of nature pleasant even to children2 while many divines1 by clinging to the unmeaning and mischievous phraseology of ancient dreamers1 render the study of religion repulsive1 and the attainment of sound ,christian knowledge almost impossible to the masses of mankind4 ,and all these things become occasions of unbelief4 ,so long as ,christian preachers and writers are limited so much to human creeds and systems1 or to stereotyped phrases of any kind1 and avail themselves so little of the popular diction of literature and of common life1 so long must they repel many whom they might convince and win4 ,dr4 ,porter1 ,president of ,yale ,college4 #e4 ,then again3 the divisions of the ,church1 and the uncharitable spirit in which points of difference between contending sects are discussed1 and the disposition sometimes shown by religious disputants to impugn each other's motives1 to call each other offensive names1 and to consign each other to perdition1 are occasions of stumbling to some4 #f4 ,and again3 many advocates of ,christianity1 more zealous than wise1 say more about the ,bible and ,christianity than is true1 and attempt to prove points which do not admit of proof2 and by their unguarded assertions1 and their failures in argument1 bring the truth itself into discredit4 ,others use unsound arguments in support of the truth1 and when men discover the unsoundness of the arguments1 they are led sometimes to suspect the soundness of the doctrine in behalf of which they are employed4 ,the pious frauds of ancient and modern fanatics have proved a stumbling-block to thousands4 ,albert ,barnes says1 ,there is no class of men that are so liable to rely on weak and inconclusive reasonings as preachers of the ,gospel4 ,many a young man in a ,theological ,seminary is on the verge of infidelity from the nature of the reasoning employed by his instructor in defence of that which is true1 and which might be well defended3 and many a youth in our congregations is almost or quite a skeptic1 not because he wishes to be so1 but because that which is true is supported by such worthless arguments4 #g4 ,again2 theological students sometimes adopt erroneous principles or unwise methods of reasoning in their search after truth1 and do not discover their mistake till they are landed in doubt and unbelief4 ,they find certain principles laid down by men in high repute for science1 and adopt them without hesitation1 not considering that men of science are sometimes mad1 fanatical infidels1 and that they manufacture principles without regard to truth1 for the simple purpose of undermining men's faith in ,god and religion4 ,writers on science of one school tell you1 that in your study of nature1 you must be careful never to admit the doctrine of final causes2 or1 in other words1 that you must never entertain the idea that anything in nature was meant to answer any particular purpose4 ,you must1 say they1 if you would be a true philosopher1 shut out from your mind all idea of design or contrivance in the works of nature4 ,you must just look at what is1 and not ask what it is for4 ,you may find wonderful adaptations of things to each other1 all tending to happy results2 but you must never suppose that any one ever designed or planned those adaptations1 with a view to those happy results4 ,you must confine yourself entirely to what you see1 and never admit the thought of a ,maker whom you do not see4 ,you must limit your observations to what is done1 and not dream of a ,doer4 ,you may see things tending to the diffusion of happiness1 but must not suppose that there is a great unseen ,benefactor1 who gives them this blessed tendency4 ,and if you feel in yourself a disposition to gratitude1 you must treat it as a foolish1 childish fancy1 and suppress it as irrational4 ,a sillier or a more contemptible notion--a notion more opposed to true philosophy and common sense1--can hardly be conceived4 ,how any one could ever have the ignorance or the impudence to propound such an unnatural and monstrous absurdity as a great philosophical principle1 would be a mystery1 if we did not know how infidelity perverts men's understandings1 and1 while puffing them up with infinite conceit of their own wisdom1 transforms them into the most arrant and outrageous fools4 ,yet this monstrous folly has found its way into books1 and papers1 and reviews1 and1 through them1 into the minds of some ,christian students2 and when the madness of the notion is not detected1 it destroys their faith1 and makes them miserable infidels4 ,some adopt the principle that reason is man's only guide1--that reason alone is judge of what is true and good1 and that to reason every thing must be submitted1 and received or rejected1 done or left undone1 as reason may decide4 ,this sounds very plausible to many1 and there is a sense in which it may be true2 but there is a sense in which it is fearfully false2 and the youth that adopts it1 and acts upon it1 will be likely to land himself in utter doubt1 both with regard to religion and morals4 ,there are numbers of cases in which reason is no guide at all1--in which instinct1 natural affection1 and consciousness are our only guides4 ,you can never prove by what is generally called reason alone1 that man is not a machine1 governed entirely by forces over which he has no control4 ,you cannot therefore prove by what certain philosophers call reason1 that any man is worthy of reward or punishment1 of praise or blame1 of gratitude or of resentment2 or that there is any such thing in men as virtue or vice1 according to the ordinary sense of the words4 ,the ablest logicians on earth1 when they take reason alone as their guide1 come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as liberty or moral responsibility1 in the ordinary acceptation of the terms1 but that all is fixed1 that all is fate1 from eternity to eternity4 ,they accordingly come to the further conclusion1 that there is no free1 voluntary ,ruler of the universe1--that there is no ,almighty ,judge and ,rewarder1--that there is neither reward nor punishment1 properly speaking1 either in this world or in the world to come4 ,they become atheists4 ,you can never prove by reason that a woman ought to love her own child better than the child of another woman4 ,you cannot prove by reason that she ought to love it at all4 ,you may say no children would be reared if mothers did not love their children1 and even love them better than the children of other mothers4 ,but how will you prove that children ought to be reared8 ,can you show that the mother will confer any advantage on her child1 or secure any advantage to herself1 or any one else1 by rearing it8 ,can you prove that it will not be a torment to her1--that it will not bring her to want1 and shame1 and an untimely death8 ,the fact is1 a mother's love1 a mother's partiality for her own child1 is not a matter of reason4 ,the hen loves her chickens1 the she bear loves its cubs1 the mother dog loves its whelps1 and the ewe loves her lambs1 without any regard to reason4 ,their affections and preferences are governed by something infinitely wiser than reason2 infinitely higher1 at least1 than any reason that man can boast4 ,and men love women1 and women love men1 and men and women marry and form new families1 not at the bidding of reason1 but under the influence of instincts or impulses that come from a wisdom infinitely higher than the wisdom of the wisest man on earth4 ,and so it is with many of our beliefs4 ,they are instinctive2 and reason1 when it becomes reasonable enough to deserve the name1 will advise you to cherish those instinctive beliefs as your life1 in spite of all the infidel philosophy and reasoning on earth4 ,but even honest and well-disposed men of science sometimes form bad1 defective1 or one-sided habits of thought and judgment unconsciously1 which render it impossible for them to do justice either to ,nature or ,christianity as revelations of the character and government of ,god4 ,and these faulty habits of thought and judgment1 and the anti-,christian conclusions to which they lead1 pass on from men of science to literary men2 and literature is vitiated1 and books and periodicals which should lead men to truth1 cause them to err4 ,thus skeptical principles pervade society4 ,they find advocates at times even among men who call themselves ministers of ,christ4 ,the consequence is1 that well-disposed1 and even pious young men1 are perplexed1 bewildered1 and some who1 like ,john the ,baptist1 were burning and shining lights1 become wandering stars1 and lose themselves1 for a time at least1 amidst the blackness and darkness of doubt and despair4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,another ,,cause ,,of ,,unbelief--,,bad ,,feeling4 ,,the ,,author',s ,,case4 ,there are several other causes of doubt and unbelief which we might name1 if we had time2 but we have not4 ,there is one however which we must notice1 because it had considerable influence in our own case2 we refer to the bad feeling which sometimes takes possession of the minds of ,christians towards each other1 or of the minds of ministers towards their brother ministers4 ,you are aware1 perhaps1 that if you scratch the skin1 and introduce a little diseased animal matter to the blood1 it will gradually spread itself through the system1 and in time poison the whole body4 ,and if you do not know this1 you know1 that if you take a little leaven1 and place it in a mass of meal1 and leave it there to work unchecked1 it will in time leaven the whole lump4 ,and as it is with things natural1 so it is with things spiritual4 ,if you allow a little leaven of bad feeling to get into your minds towards your fellow ,christians or your brother ministers1 and permit it to remain there1 it will in time infect your whole soul1 impair the action of all its faculties1 and after alienating you from individuals1 separate you first from the ,church1 and then from ,christ and ,christianity4 ,there is a passage in the ,bible which says that judges are not to take gifts2 and the reason assigned is1 not that if a judge accepts a present he will1 with his eyes open1 wilfully condemn the innocent or acquit the guilty2 but that a gift blindeth the eyes1 even of the wise1 so that he is no longer able to see clearly which is the guilty and which the guiltless party4 ,and there is another passage in the ,bible which says that oppression driveth a wise man mad4 ,the feeling a man has that he has been wickedly1 cruelly treated1 excites his mind so painfully and violently1 that it is impossible for him to think well of the character or views of his oppressor1 or of any party1 institution1 or system with which he may be connected4 ,as some friends of mine were canvassing for votes one day1 previous to an election1 they came upon a man who could not1 for a time1 say for which candidate he would vote4 ,at length a thought struck him1 and he said1 ,who is ,john ,myers going to vote for8 ,oh1 said my friends1 he's going to vote for our man4 ,then ,i'll vote for the other man1 said he1 for ,i'm sure ,myers will vote wrong4 ,myers had swindled him in a business transaction2 and his feelings towards him were so strong1 and of so unpleasant a kind1 that he could not think anything right that ,myers did1 nor could he think anything wrong that he himself did1 so long as he took care to go contrary to ,myers4 ,it is very natural to smile at such weakness when we see it in others1 and yet exhibit unconsciously the same weakness ourselves under another form4 ,there are some ,christians who1 when their minister pleases them well1 are quite delighted with his discourses4 ,they are marrow and fatness to their souls4 ,and every sermon he preaches seems better than the one that went before2 and they feel as if they could sit under that dear good man for ever4 ,but a change comes over their feelings with regard to him4 ,while going his round of pastoral visits some day1 he passes their door1 but calls at the house of a richer neighbor a little lower down3 or on visiting the ,sunday-school1 he pats someone's little boy on the head1 and speaks to him kind and pleasant words1 while he passes their little son unnoticed4 ,he has no improper design in what he does2 but it happens so2 that is all4 ,the idea of partiality never enters his mind4 ,but they fancy he has got something wrong in his mind towards them2 and it is certain now that they have got something wrong in their minds towards him4 ,and now his sermons are quite changed4 ,the marrow and fatness are all gone1 and there is nothing left but the husks which the swine should eat4 ,and every sermon he preaches seems worse than the one which went before1 until at length they get quite weary1 and their only comfort is1 if they be ,methodists1 that ,conference will come some day1 and they will have a change4 ,and all this time the preacher is just the same good man he ever was1 and his sermons are the same2 only they are changed4 ,they have misjudged him1 and become the subjects of unhappy feeling1 and are no longer capable of doing either him or his sermons justice4 ,and the longer the unhappy feeling is allowed to remain in their minds1 the stronger it will become1 and the more mischievous will it prove4 ,after disabling or perverting their judgments with regard to their pastor1 it will be in danger of separating them from the ,church2 and when once they get out of the ,church into the outside world1 no wonder if they make shipwreck both of faith1 and of a good conscience4 ,and so it is continually4 ,our views of men's characters1 talents1 sentiments1 are always more or less influenced by our feelings and affections4 ,if we like a man very much1 we look on his views in the most favorable light1 and are glad to see anything like a reason for adopting them ourselves4 ,we give his words and deeds the most favorable interpretation1 and we rate his gifts and graces above their real value4 ,on the other hand1 if we dislike a man1--if we are led to regard him as an enemy1 and to harbor feelings of resentment towards him1 we look on what he says and does with distrust2 we suspect his motives2 we under-rate his talents1 and are pleased to have an excuse for differing from him in opinion4 ,we see proofs of this power of feeling and affection over the judgment on every hand4 ,the mother of that ordinary-looking and troublesome child thinks it the most beautiful and engaging little creature under heaven2 while she wonders how people can have patience with her neighbor's child1 which1 in truth1 is quite a cherub or an angel compared with her's4 ,you know how it is with natural light4 ,you sit inside an ancient cathedral1 and the light from the bright shining sun streams in through the painted windows4 ,outside the cathedral the light is all pure white2 but inside1 as it falls upon the pulpit1 the pillars1 the pews and the people1 it is purple1 orange1 violet1 blue1 red1 or green1 according to the color of the glass through which it passes4 ,it is the same with moral or spiritual light2 it takes the tint or hue of the painted windows of our passions and prejudices1 our likes and dislikes1 through which it enters our minds4 ,the light that finds its way into men's minds1 says ,bacon1 is never pure1 white light2 but light colored by the medium through which it passes4 ,look where we will1 whether into books or into the living world1 we see differences of opinion on men and things that can be accounted for on no other principle than that the judgments of people are influenced by their passions and feelings1 their prejudices and interests4 ,the ,royalists looked on ,cromwell through spectacles of hate and vengeance1 and saw a monster of hypocrisy and blood4 ,the ,puritans looked at him through spectacles of revolutionary fanaticism1 and saw a glorious saint and hero4 ,the clergy looked on ,nonconformists through conservative glasses1 and saw a rabble of fanatics and rebels4 ,the ,nonconformists looked on the clergy through revolutionary glasses1 and saw a host of superstitious formalists1 and blind1 persecuting ,pharisees4 ,the man who looks through the unstained glasses of impartiality1 sees much that is good1 and something that is not good1 in all4 ,who1 that knows much of human nature1 expects ,catholics to judge righteously of ,protestants1 or ,protestants to judge righteously of ,catholics8 ,who1 that knows anything of the world1 expects revolutionary ,radicals to do justice to the characters and motives of ,conservatives1 or ejected ,irishmen to see anything in ,englishmen but robbers and tyrants8 ,i know that all this is great weakness1 but where is the man that is not weak8 ,the man who thinks himself free from this weakness1 has probably a double share of it4 ,the man who is really strong is some one who is keenly sensible of his weakness1 and who feels that his sufficiency is of ,god4 ,weakness and humanity are one4 ,i dwell the longer on this point because1 as ,i have already intimated1 a right understanding of it will go far towards explaining the disastrous change which took place in my own mind with regard to ,christianity4 ,one great cause of my separation from the ,church1 and then of my estrangement from ,christ1 was the influence of bad feeling which took possession of my mind towards a number of my brother ministers4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,origin ,,of ,,the ,,unhappy ,,feeling--,,characteristics ,,of ,,the ,,author',s ,,mind--,,rationalizing ,,tendency4 ,how came ,i to be the subject of this bad feeling8 ,i will tell you4 ,as a young minister ,i had two or three marked tendencies4 ,one may be called a rationalizing tendency4 ,i was anxious1 in the first place1 clearly to understand all my professed beliefs1 and to be able1 in the second place1 to make them plain to others4 ,i never liked to travel in a fog1 wrapped round as with a blinding cloud1 unable either to see my way1 or to get a view of the things with which ,i was surrounded4 ,i liked a clear1 bright sky1 with the sun shining full upon my path1 and gladdening my eyes with a view of a thousand interesting objects4 ,and so with regard to spiritual matters4 ,i never liked to travel in theological fogs4 ,they pressed on me at the outset of my religious life1 on every side1 hiding from my view the wonders and the glories of ,god's word and works2 but ,i never rested in the darkness4 ,i longed and prayed for light with all my soul1 and sought for it with all my powers4 ,regarding the ,bible as ,god's ,book1 given to man for his instruction and salvation1 ,i resolved1 by ,god's help1 to find out both what it said and what it meant1 on every important point of truth and duty4 #a4 ,i became sensible1 very early in life1 that the doctrines ,i had received from my teachers were1 in some cases1 inconsistent with each other1 and that they could not therefore all be true2 and ,i was anxious to get rid of this inconsistency1 and to bring the whole of my beliefs into harmony with each other4 #b4 ,i was also anxious to bring my views into agreement with the teachings of ,christ and ,his ,apostles4 ,i wished every article of my belief to rest1 not on the word of man1 but on the word of ,god4 ,i believed it to be my duty to come as near to ,christ as possible1 both in my views and character4 ,and ,i wished my style of preaching and teaching to be1 like ,his1 the perfection of plainness and simplicity4 ,i felt that my chief mission was to the masses1--that ,i was called especially to preach and teach the ,gospel to the poor2 and it was my wish to be able to make it plain to people of the most defective education1 and of the humblest capacity4 #c4 ,i was further wishful to see an agreement between the doctrines which ,i gathered from the ,sacred ,scriptures1 and the oracles which came to me from the works of ,god in nature4 ,if nature and ,christianity were from the same ,all-perfect ,god1 as ,i believed1 their voices must be one4 ,their lessons of truth and duty must agree4 ,they must have the same end and tendency4 ,christian precepts must be in harmony with man's mental and bodily constitution4 ,they must be conducive to the development of all man's powers2 to the perfection and happiness of his whole being4 ,they must be friendly to the improvement of his condition4 ,they must favor every thing that is conducive to his personal and domestic happiness1 and to the social and national welfare of the whole human race4 ,and the doctrines of ,christianity must be in harmony with the constitution1 and laws1 and phenomena of the visible universe4 ,if there be one ,great1 ,all-perfect ,creator and ,governor of the world and of man1 then man and the universe1 the universe and religion1 science and revelation1 philosophy and ,christianity1 the laws of nature and the laws of ,christ1 must all be one4 ,i wanted to see this oneness1 and to feel the sweet sense of it in my soul4 #d4 ,i wanted further to see the foundations on which my belief in ,god and ,christ and in the ,sacred ,scriptures rested1 that ,i might be able to justify my belief both to myself and to others4 ,i wished to have the fullest evidence and assurance of the truth of ,christianity ,i could get1 that ,i might both feel at rest and happy myself1 and be able to give rest and comfort to the souls of others4 #e4 ,with these objects in view ,i set to work4 ,i prayed to ,god1 the ,great ,father of lights1 and the ,giver of every good and perfect gift1 to lead me into all truth1 and to furnish me to every good work4 ,i read the ,bible with the greatest care4 ,i searched it through and through4 ,i studied it daily1 desirous to learn the whole scope and substance of its teachings1 on every point both of truth and duty4 ,i marked on the margin of the pages all those passages that struck me by their peculiar clearness1 and their fulness of important meaning4 ,these passages ,i read over again and again1 till ,i got great numbers of them off by heart4 ,i gave each passage a particular mark according to the subject on which it treated4 ,i then copied the whole of these passages into large ,note ,books1 placing all that spake on any particular subject together4 ,i also arranged the passages so far as ,i was able1 in their natural order1 that they might throw light on one another1 and present the subject on which they treated1 in as full and intelligible a light as possible4 ,i divided the pages of my ,note ,books into two columns1 placing the passages which favored one view of a subject in the first column1 and those which seemed to favor a different view in the second4 ,i placed in those ,note ,books passages on matters of duty1 as well as on matters of truth4 ,in this way ,i got nearly all the plainer and more important portions of the ,bible arranged in something like systematic order4 ,having done this1 ,i went through my ,books1 and put down in writing all that the passages plainly taught1 and marked the bearing of their teachings on the various articles of my creed1 with a view to bringing my creed1 and the teachings of ,scripture1 into agreement with each other4 #f4 ,to help me in these my labors1 and to secure myself as far as possible from serious error1 ,i read a multitude of other books1 on almost every subject of importance1 by authors of almost all varieties of creeds4 ,i read commentaries1 sermons1 bodies of divinity1 and a host of treatises on various points4 ,to the best of my ability ,i examined the ,scriptures in the original languages1 as well as in a number of translations1 both ancient and modern1 including several ,latin and ,french versions1 four ,german ones1 and all the ,english ones that came in my way4 ,i had a number of ,lexicons1 and of ,theological and ,bible ,dictionaries of which ,i made free use4 ,i went through the ,commentaries of ,baxter1 ,wesley and ,adam ,clarke with the greatest care1 as well as through a huge and somewhat heterodox1 but able and excellent work1 published by ,goadby1 entitled1 ,illustrations of the ,sacred ,scriptures4 ,i do not think ,i missed a single sentence in these commentaries1 or passed unweighed a single word4 ,i read and studied the writings of ,wesley generally1 and the works of ,fletcher1 ,benson and ,watson4 ,i read ,hooker and ,taylor also1 and ,wilkins1 and ,barrow1 and ,tillotson1 and ,butler1 and ,burnet1 and ,pearson1 and ,hoadley4 ,i read the writings of ,baxter almost continually4 ,i went through1 not only the whole of his voluminous practical works1 but many of his doctrinal and controversial ones1 including his ,catholic ,theology1 his ,aphorisms on ,justification1 his ,confessions1 and his most elaborate1 comprehensive and wonderful work of all1 his ,methodus ,theologiae1 in ,latin4 ,in ,baxter alone ,i had a world of materials for thought1 on almost every religious and moral subject that can engage the mind of man4 ,and on almost every subject of importance his thoughts seemed rich and wholesome1 scriptural and rational in the highest degree4 ,his ,christian spirit held me captive1 and ,i never got tired of his earnest1 eloquent1 and godly talk4 ,even the old and endless controversies on which he spent so much time and strength1 were often rendered interesting by the honesty of his heart1 by the abundance of his charity1 by the moderation of his views1 and by the never-failing good sound sense of his remarks4 ,none of the works ,i read had such a charm for me as those of ,baxter1 and no other religious writer exerted so powerful and lasting an influence either on my head or heart4 ,taylor was too flowery1 and ,barrow too wordy1 and ,tillotson was rather cold and formal2 yet ,i read them all with profit1 and with a great amount of pleasure4 ,hooker ,i found a wonder1 both for excellency of style and richness of sentiment2 and his piety and wisdom1 his candor and his charity1 have never been surpassed since the days of ,christ and ,his ,apostles4 ,and ,hoadley too ,i liked1 and ,butler1 and ,thomas a ,kempis1 and ,william ,law4 ,and then came ,bolton and ,howe1 and ,doddridge and ,watts4 ,then ,penn1 and ,barclay1 and ,clarkson1 and ,sewell1 and ,hales1 and ,dell caught my attention1 giving me interesting revelations of ,quaker thought and feeling4 ,and ,i was edified by ,lactantius and ,chrysostom1 the most eloquent1 rational and practical of the ,christian ,fathers4 ,by and by came ,priestley and ,price1 and ,dr4 ,john ,taylor1 and ,w4 ,e4 ,channing1 and a host of others of the modern school of heterodox writers4 ,i also read a number of celebrated ,french authors1 including ,bossuet and ,bourdaloue1 ,flechier and ,massillon1 ,pascal and ,fenelon1 and the eloquent1 ,protestant preacher and author1 ,m4 ,saurin4 ,i read the principal works both of ,catholics and ,protestants1 of the ,fathers and ,reformers1 of ,churchmen and ,dissenters1 of ,quakers and ,mystics1 of ,methodists and ,calvinists1 of ,unitarians and ,infidels4 ,i read several works on ,law and ,government1 including ,puffendorf's ,law of ,nature1 ,grotius on the ,laws of ,peace and ,war1 ,bodin on ,government1 ,montesquieu's ,spirit of ,laws1 ,blackstone's ,commentaries1 and ,jeremy ,taylor's ,ductor ,dubitantium4 ,i had read works on ,anatomy1 ,physiology and ,medicine1 when ,i could get hold of them1 from the time when ,i was only twelve years old4 ,i never went far into any other sciences1 yet ,i studied1 to some extent1 ,astronomy1 ,geology1 ,physical ,geography1 ,botany1 ,natural ,history1 and ,anthropology4 ,i read ,wesley's publication on ,natural ,philosophy1 and ,i gave more or less attention to every work on science and natural philosophy that came in my way4 ,works on natural religion and natural theology1 in which science was taught and used in subservience to ,christian truth and duty1 ,i read whenever ,i could get hold of them4 ,they interested me exceedingly4 ,for works on ,painting1 ,sculpture1 ,architecture1 ,i had not the least regard4 ,they seemed to have no tendency to help me in the work in which ,i was engaged1 and ,i had no desire to talk respectable nonsense on such subjects4 ,i was fond of ,ecclesiastical and ,civil ,history1 and read most greedily such works as threw light on the progress of society in learning1 science1 and useful arts2 in freedom1 morals1 religion and government4 ,i read many of the works of the ancient ,greeks and ,romans1 and the history of the wonderful periods in which they flourished4 ,i was especially fond of ,cicero1 ,seneca1 and ,epictetus4 ,all subjects bearing on the great interests of mankind1 and all works revealing the workings of the human mind and the laws of human nature1 seemed to me to bear important relations to religion and the ,bible2 and the writings of the great philosophers1 lawyers1 and historians1 appeared to be almost as much in my line as ,baxter's ,christian ,directory1 or ,wesley's ,notes on the ,new ,testament4 ,tales of wars and intrigues1 and of royal and aristocratic vices and follies ,i hated4 ,yet ,i was interested in accounts of religious controversies1 and read with eagerness1 though with pain and horror1 the tragic and soul-harrowing stories of the deadly conflicts between ,christian piety and anti-,christian intolerance4 ,above all ,i loved well-written books on the beneficial influence of ,christianity on the temporal interests and the general happiness of mankind4 ,i liked good biographies1 especially of celebrated students1 great philosophers1 and remarkable ,christian philanthropists4 ,of works of fiction ,i read very few1 and evermore still fewer as ,i got older1 until at length ,i came to view them generally as a great nuisance4 ,there are few1 ,i suppose1 that can say they read the whole1 not only of ,wesley's works1 but of his ,christian ,library1 in fifty volumes2 yet ,i went through the whole1 though one of the books was so profound1 or else so silly1 that ,i could not find one sentence in it that ,i could properly understand4 ,i read the greater part of the books of my friends4 ,i went through nearly the whole library of a village about two miles distant from my native place4 ,my native place itself could not boast a library in those days4 ,i read scores1 if not hundreds of books that taught me nothing but the ignorance and self-conceit of the writers1 and the various forms of literary and religious insanity to which poor weak humanity is liable4 ,there was a large old ,free ,library at ,newcastle-on-,tyne1 left to the city by a celebrated clergyman1 which contained all the ,fathers1 all the ,greek and ,roman ,classics1 all the more celebrated of the old ,infidels1 all the old leading skeptical and lawless writers of ,italy1 and ,france1 and ,holland1 all the great old ,church of ,england writers1 and all the leading writers of the ,nonconformists1 ,dissenters1 and ,heretics of all kinds4 ,to this library ,i used to go1 day after day1 and stay from morning to night1 reading some of the great authors through1 and examining almost all of them sufficiently to enable me to see what there was in each1 that ,i had not met with in the rest4 ,here ,i read ,hobbes and ,machiavel1 ,bolingbroke and ,shaftesbury1 ,tindal and ,chubb4 ,here ,i first saw the works of ,cudworth and ,chillingworth1 and here too ,i first found the entire works of ,bacon and ,newton1 of ,locke and ,boyle4 ,here also ,i read the works of some of the older defenders of the faith4 ,grotius on the truth of the ,christian religion ,i had read much earlier4 ,i had used it as a school book1 translating it both out of ,latin into ,english1 and out of ,english back into ,latin1 imprinting it thereby almost word for word upon my memory4 ,i had also read the work of his commentator on the causes of incredulity4 ,leland on the deistical writers1 and ,paley's ,evidences1 and others1 ,i read after4 ,but in this great old library ,i met with numbers of interesting and important works that ,i have never met with since4 ,and here1 in the dimly lighted antiquated rooms1 ,i used to fill my mind with a world of facts1 and thoughts1 and fancies1 and then go away to meditate upon them while travelling on my way1 or sitting in my room1 or lying on my bed4 ,day and night1 alone and in company1 these were the things which filled my mind and exercised my thoughts4 ,and having a rather retentive memory1 and considerable powers of imagination1 ,i was able at times to bring almost all the things of importance which ,i had met with in my reading1 before my mind1 and compare them both with each other1 and with all that was already in my memory4 ,and whatever appeared to me most rational1 most scriptural1 ,i treasured for future use1 allowing the rest to drift away into forgetfulness4 ,no one can imagine the happiness ,i found in this my search after truth1 except those who have experienced the like4 ,i seemed at times to live in a region of the highest and divinest bliss4 ,every fresh discovery of truth1 every detection of old error1 every enlargement of my views1 brought unspeakable rapture2 and had it not been for the narrow-mindedness of some of my friends1 the restraints of established creeds1 and the thought of the trials which my mental revels might some day bring on me and my family1 my life would have been a heaven on earth4 ,perhaps ,i read too much1 or too greedily and variously4 ,would it not in any case have been better for me to have refrained from reading the writings of such a host of heretics1 infidels1 and mere natural philosophers8 ,it is certain that what ,i attempted was too much for my powers1 and too vast for one man's life4 ,but ,i was not sufficiently conscious of the infinitude of truth1 or of the narrow limits of my powers1 or of the infinite mysteries of which humanity and the universe are full4 ,and my desire for knowledge was infinite1 and my appetite was very keen1 and ,i was so desirous to be right on every subject bearing on the religion of ,christ1 and on the great interests of mankind1 that nothing that ,i could do seemed too much if it seemed likely to help me in the attainment of my object4 ,then ,i had no considerate and enlightened guide2 no friend1 no colleague1 with a father's heart1 to direct me in my studies or my choice of books4 ,there was one minister in the ,body to which ,i belonged that might have given me good counsel1 if he had been at hand1 but he and ,i were never stationed in the same neighborhood4 ,and he had suffered so much on account of his superior intelligence and liberal tendencies1 that he might have felt unwilling to advise me freely4 ,the preachers generally could not understand me1 and they had no sympathy with my eager longings for religious knowledge4 ,they could not comprehend what in the world ,i could want beyond their own old stereotyped notions and phrases1 and the comfortable provision made for the supply of my temporal wants4 ,why could ,i not check my thinking1 enjoy my popularity1 and rejoice in the success of my labors8 ,and when ,i could not take their flippant counsels1 they had nothing left but hints at unpleasant consequences4 ,there was nothing for me therefore1 but to follow the promptings of my own insatiate soul1 and travel on alone in the fear of ,god1 hoping that things would get better1 and my prospects grow brighter by and by4 ,so ,i moved on in my own track1 still digging for truth as for silver1 and searching for it as for hidden treasure4 ,and ,i worked unceasingly1 and with all my might4 ,i lost no time4 ,i hated pleasure parties1 and all kinds of amusements4 ,my work was my amusement4 ,i hated company1 unless the subject of conversation could be religion1 or something pertaining to it4 ,when obliged to go out and take dinner1 or tea1 or supper1 ,i always took a book or two with me1 and if the company were not inclined to spend the time in useful conversation1 ,i would slip away into some quiet room1 or take a walk1 and spend my time in reading4 ,i always read on my walks and on my journeys1 if the weather was fair1 and on some occasions when it was not fair4 ,my mind was always on the stretch4 ,i had no idea that ,i needed rest or recreation4 ,it never entered into my mind that ,i could get to the end of my mental strength1 and when ,i was actually exhausted1--when ,i had wearied both body and mind to the utmost1 so that writing and even reading became irksome to me1 ,i still accused myself of idleness1 instead of suspecting myself of weariness4 ,i wonder that ,i lived4 ,if my constitution had not been sound and elastic to the last degree1 ,i should have worn myself out1 and been silent in the dust1 more than thirty years ago4 #g4 ,all the time that ,i was laboring to correct and enlarge my views of ,christian truth and duty1 ,i was endeavoring to improve my way of speaking and writing4 ,i wished1 of course1 to be able to speak and write correctly and forcibly1 but what ,i longed for most of all1 was to be able to speak with the greatest possible plainness and simplicity to the poorer and less favored classes4 ,if there were things in ,christianity that were inexplicable mysteries1 ,i had no wish to meddle with them at all2 if there was nothing but what was explicable1 ,i wished to be able to speak in such a manner as to make the whole subject of religion plain to them4 ,my belief was that there were not any inexplicable mysteries in ,christianity2 that though there were doctrines in ,christianity which had been mysteries in earlier times1 they were mysteries now no longer1 but revelations2 that the things which were inexplicable mysteries1 belonged to ,god1 and that none but things that were revealed belonged to us4 ,my impression was1 that all things spiritual could be made as plain to people of common sense and honest hearts1 as things natural2 that all that was necessary to this end1 was first to separate from ,christianity all that was not ,christianity1 and secondly1 to translate ,christianity out of ,latin and ,greek1 ,hebrew and ,gibberish1 into the language of the common people4 ,to qualify myself for this work of translation was the next great object of all my studies4 ,paul regarded the unnecessary use of unknown tongues in the assemblies of the ,church1 as a great nuisance4 ,he demanded that everything said in those assemblies1 should be spoken in a language that all could understand4 ,whether men prayed1 or sang1 or preached1 he insisted that they should do it in such a manner as to make themselves intelligible4 ,his remarks on this subject are the perfection of wisdom1 and deserve more attention from religious teachers than they are accustomed to receive4 ,paul's wish was1 that ,christians should not only all speak the same things1 but that they should speak them in the same way1 so that they might all be able to understand each other1 and that outsiders might be able to understand them all4 ,above all gifts1 says he1 covet the gift of plain and intelligible speaking4 ,never use an unknown tongue so long as you can use a known one4 ,he that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men but unto ,god3 for no man understandeth him4 ,he may talk about very good things1 but no one is the better for his talk4 ,but he that speaketh in a known tongue can be understood by all2 and all are instructed1 and comforted1 and strengthened4 ,and even ,god can understand a known tongue as well as an unknown one4 ,he that speaketh in an unknown tongue may edify himself perhaps2 but he that speaketh in a known one1 edifieth the ,church4 ,i do not grudge you your unknown tongues1 but ,i had a great deal rather you would use a known one2 for greater is he that speaketh in a known one1 than he that speaketh in an unknown one4 ,true greatness does not consist in saying or doing things wonderful2 but in saying and doing things useful1--in talking and acting in a loving1 condescending1 self-sacrificing spirit1 with a view to the comfort and welfare of our brethren4 ,suppose ,i were to come to you speaking in tongues that you did not understand1 what good should ,i do you1 unless ,i should translate what ,i said into a tongue you could understand8 ,and why should ,i say a thing twice over when saying it once would do as well1 and even better8 ,everything should be made as plain as possible from the first4 ,when you have made things as plain as you can1 there will be some that will find it as much as they can do to catch your meaning4 ,if you talk in an unknown tongue they cannot get at your meaning at all1 but only sit1 and stare1 and sigh4 ,some poor silly souls may admire and applaud you2 for there are always some who1 when they hear a man that they cannot understand1 will cry out1 ,what a great preacher6 ,but what good or sensible man would wish for the praise of such creatures as those8 ,talk intelligibly4 ,talk so that folks can tell what you are talking about4 ,if you have nothing worth saying1 hold your tongues4 ,if you have something worth saying1 say it so that people can understand it4 ,make everything as clear as possible4 ,we might as well be without tongues as talk unintelligibly4 ,even things without life1 giving sound1 whether pipe or harp1 except they give a distinction in the sounds1 how shall it be known what is piped or harped8 ,for if the trumpet give an uncertain sound1 who shall prepare himself to the battle8 ,so likewise ye1 except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood1 how shall it be known what is spoken8 for ye shall speak into the air4 ,there are1 no one knows how many voices in the world2 and none of them without signification4 ,the voices of birds and the voices of beasts are endless in variety2 yet each has its own distinct intelligible meaning4 ,all creatures1 though destitute of language like that of man1 make themselves properly understood by their mates1 their kindred1 and their associates4 ,they even make themselves intelligible to men4 ,talk of great preachers2--why the man that cannot or will not preach so as to make himself understood1 is smaller1 lower1 less in the esteem of ,god1 and of good1 sensible1 ,christian men and women1 than the lowest animal1 or the smallest insect1 on the face of the earth4 ,every sheep that bleats1 every ox that lows1 every ass that brays1 every bird that sings1 and every goose that gabbles1 is more of a sage1 if not more of a saint1 than the great preachers6 ,the things so-called by a certain class of simpletons1 are about the most pitiable1 if not the most blameable creatures1 in all ,god's universe4 ,what then is the upshot of what ,i am saying8 ,it is this4 ,whether ,i sing1 or pray1 or talk1 ,i will make myself understood4 ,i thank my ,god1 ,i can speak with tongues more than you all2 and ,i do speak with them when it is necessary to do so in order to make myself understood3 but in the ,church1 ,i had rather speak five words in a tongue and a style that my hearers can understand1 that by my voice ,i may teach others1 than ten thousand in an unknown tongue4 ,and so the great1 good1 common-sense ,apostle goes on4 ,my wish and purpose were to carry out his principles to the farthest possible extent4 ,if ,i had tried hard1 ,i could have preached in ,latin4 ,with a little more effort ,i could have preached in ,greek4 ,i could have preached in the ordinary1 high-sounding1 ,frenchified1 ,latinized1 mongrel style1 without an effort4 ,it required an effort to keep clear of the abomination4 ,and ,i made the effort4 ,i wanted to feel when speaking1 that ,i had not only myself a proper understanding of what ,i was talking about1 but that ,i was conveying correct and clear ideas of it to the minds of my hearers4 ,to utter words which ,i did not understand1 or words which ,i could not make my hearers understand1 was a thing ,i could not endure2 and to this day1 the very idea of such a thing excites in me a kind of horror4 ,i had no ambition to preach what were called great sermons1 or to be what was called a great preacher4 ,my great desire was not to astonish or confound people1 but to do them good2 to convey religious truth to their minds in such a way1 and so to impress it on their hearts1 that they might be converted1 edified1 and saved4 ,when ,i first began to preach ,i had a cousin who was commencing his career as a minister at the same time4 ,he was ambitious to shine1 and to astonish his hearers by a show of learning4 ,he knew nothing of ,latin and ,greek1 but he was fond of great high-sounding words of ,greek and ,latin origin4 ,he carried about with him a pocket dictionary1 which he used for the purpose of turning little words into big ones1 and common ones into strange ones4 ,my taste was just the contrary4 ,my desire was to be as simple as possible4 ,like my companion1 ,i often carried about with me a pocket dictionary1 but the end for which ,i used it was1 to help me to turn big words into little ones1 and strange and hard ones into common and easy ones4 ,and whenever ,i had to consult a dictionary in translating ,latin1 or ,greek1 or any other language1 into ,english1 ,i always took the simplest and best known words ,i could find to give the meaning of the original4 ,my cousin's desire to shine betrayed him at times into very ridiculous blunders4 ,i once heard him say1 after having spent some time in explaining his text1 ,but that ,i may devil-hope the subject a little more fully1 ,i would observe1 that the words are mephitical4 ,he1 of course1 meant to say1 metaphorical1 figurative1 not mephitical which means of a bad smell4 ,my plan secured me against such mistakes4 ,to assist me in gaining a knowledge of the true meaning1 and of the right use of words1 and to correct and simplify my style as much as possible1 ,i read whatever came in my way on grammar and philology1 on rhetoric and logic4 ,i also collected a number of the best ,english dictionaries1 including a beautiful copy of ,johnson's great work in two thick quarto volumes4 ,i read and studied the works of nearly all our great poets1 from ,spenser and ,shakespeare1 down to ,cowper and ,burns4 ,i read two or three later ones4 ,i had already committed to memory the whole1 or nearly the whole1 of the moral songs of ,dr4 ,watts2 and many of them keep their places in my memory to the present day4 ,and though it may seem incredible to some1 ,i actually committed to memory every hymn in the ,wesleyan ,hymn ,book4 ,i never knew them all off at one time1 but ,i got them all off in succession4 ,and ,i never forgot the better1 truer1 simpler1 sweeter ones4 ,i can repeat hundreds of them still1 with the exception of here and there a stanza or two4 ,and ,i committed to memory all the better portion of the new hymns introduced into the hymn book by the ,methodist ,new ,connection4 ,and ,i committed to memory choice pieces of poetry without number4 ,i read ,shakespeare till ,i could quote many of his best passages1 including nearly all his soliloquies1 and a number of long conversations1 as readily as ,i could quote the sacred writings4 ,i read all ,bunyan's works4 ,i could tell the story of his ,pilgrim from beginning to end4 ,i read ,robinson ,crusoe1 and some of the other works of ,defoe4 ,i read ,addison and ,johnson1 ,goldsmith and ,swift4 ,to get at the origin and at the primitive meaning of words1 ,i studied ,french and ,german1 as well as ,latin and ,greek4 ,when ,i met with passages in ,english authors that expressed great truths in a style that was not to my taste1 ,i used to translate them into my own style1 just as ,i did fine passages from ,latin1 ,greek1 or ,french authors4 ,i also translated poetical passages into prose4 ,i tried sometimes to translate things into the language of children1 and in some cases ,i succeeded4 ,i did my best to keep in mind how ,i felt1 and what ,i could understand1 when ,i was a child and a boy1 and endeavored to keep my style as near as ,i could to the level of my boyish understanding4 ,my first superintendent did not approve of my plan4 ,the proper way1 said he1 is1 not to go down to the people2 but to compel the people to come up to you4 ,he was fond of a swelling1 high-sounding1 long-winded style4 ,how far he succeeded in bringing people up to himself1 ,i cannot say1 but ,i recollect once hearing a pupil of his talk a whole hour without uttering either a thought or a feeling that was worth a straw4 ,an old woman1 with whom he had once lived1 and with whom he was a great favorite1 said to me after the service1 ',well1 how did you like our young man8' ',he talked away1' said ,i4 ',i think he did1' she answered1 'he grows better and better4 ,i couldn't understand him4' ,his teacher1 my superintendent1 published a volume of sermons2 but ,i never met with anybody that had read them4 ,i read one or two of them myself1 and was astonished2--perhaps not so much astonished as something else1--to find1 that at the end of one of his tall-worded1 long-winded1 round-about sentences1 he contradicted what he had said at the beginning4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,changes ,,in ,,the ,,author',s ,,views4 ,my studies led me to make considerable changes both in my views and way of speaking4 #a4 ,with regard to my views4 ,i found that some of the doctrines which ,i had been taught as ,christian doctrines1 were not so much as hinted at by ,christ and ,his ,apostles1--that some doctrines which ,christ and ,his ,apostles taught with great plainness1 ,i never had been taught at all2 and that some of the doctrines of ,christ and ,his ,apostles which ,i had been taught1 ,i had been taught in very different forms from those in which they were presented in the ,new ,testament4 ,i found that some doctrines which ,i had been taught as doctrines of the greatest importance1 were never so much as alluded to in the whole ,bible1 while in numbers of places quite contrary doctrines were taught4 ,while unscriptural doctrines were inculcated as fundamental doctrines of the ,gospel1 some of the fundamental doctrines themselves were not only neglected1 but denounced as grievous heresies4 ,many passages of ,scripture which were perfectly plain when left to speak out their own meaning1 had been used so badly by theologians1 that they had become unintelligible to ordinary ,christians4 ,while professing to give the passages needful explanations1 they had heaped upon them impenetrable obscurations4 ,words that1 as they came from ,jesus1 were spirit and life1 had been so grievously perverted1 that they had become meaningless or mischievous4 ,i met with passages which had been used as proofs of doctrines to which they had not the slightest reference4 ,there were the words of ,jeremiah for instance3 ,can the ,ethiopian change his skin1 or the leopard his spots8 ,the prophet is speaking of the impossibility of men1 after long continuance in wilful sin1 breaking off their bad habits2 as the closing words of the passage show2 ,then may ye who are accustomed to do evil1 do well4 ,but the theologians took the words and used them in support of the doctrine that no man in his unconverted state can do anything towards his salvation1--a doctrine which is neither ,scriptural nor rational4 ,again2 ,isaiah1 referring to the calamitous condition of the ,jewish nation1 in consequence of ,god's judgments1 says3 ,the whole head is sick1 and the whole heart faint4 ,from the sole of the foot to the head1 there is no soundness2 but wounds1 and bruises1 and putrefying sores1 c4 ,this1 which the prophet said with regard to the state of the ,jews1 the theologians applied to the character1 not of the ,jews only1 but of all mankind4 ,what ,paul said about the law of ,moses1 and the works or deeds required by that law1 the theologians applied to the law of ,christ4 ,and so with regard to multitudes of passages4 ,i was constantly coming across passages that the theologians systematically perverted1 taking them from their proper use and meaning1 and forcing them into the support of notions to which they had not the slightest reference4 ,the liberties taken with the words of ,paul went far towards turning the writings of that great advocate and example of holiness into lessons of licentiousness4 ,it was plain that1 on many points1 theology was one thing1 and ,christianity another2 and that many and important changes would have to be made in the creeds and confessions of ,christendom1 before they could be brought into harmony with the truth as taught by ,jesus4 ,some theological doctrines ,i found rested on the authority of ,milton's ,paradise ,lost1 or of the ,church of ,england ,prayer ,book1 or on the authority of earlier works from which ,milton or the authors of the ,prayer ,book had borrowed4 ,one day1 about forty-two years ago1 ,i was travelling homewards from ,shields to ,blyth on foot1 when a man with a cart overtook me1 and asked me to get in and ride4 ,i did so4 ,the man and ,i were soon busy discussing theology4 ,we talked on saving faith1 imputed righteousness1 predestination1 divine foreknowledge1 election1 reprobation and redemption4 ,we differed on every point1 and the man got very warm4 ,he then spake of a covenant made between ,god the ,father and ,his ,son before the creation of the world1 giving me all the particulars of the engagement4 ,i told him ,i had read something about a covenant of that kind in ,milton's ,paradise ,lost1 but that ,i had never met with anything on the subject in the sacred writings1 and added that ,i doubted whether any such transaction ever took place4 ,he got more excited than ever1 and expressed some uneasiness at having such a blasphemous heretic in his cart4 ,just then one of the cart wheels came off and down went the vehicle on one side1 spilling me and the driver on the road4 ,i was quickly on my feet1 but he lay on his back sprawling in the sand4 ,that's a judgment1 said he1 on your blasphemies4 ,you seem to have got the worst part of the judgment1 said ,i4 ,i asked him if ,i could help him4 ,he seemed to hint that ,i ought to pay for the damage done to the cart2 but as that was not in the covenant1 ,i did not take the hint2 and as he was in a somewhat unamiable temper1 ,i left him to himself1 and trudged on homeward4 ,the carter and ,i had no more discussions on covenants4 ,but many a bit of theology has been built on ,milton since then4 ,other doctrines ,i found to be new versions of old pagan imaginations4 ,some seemed to have originated in the selfish and sensual principles of human nature1 which make men wishful to avoid self-denial and a life of beneficence1 and to find some easy way to heaven4 ,in some cases ,protestants had run into extremes through a hatred and horror of ,popery1 while in others orthodox teachers had run into extremes through hatred and dread of ,socinianism4 ,in other cases doctrines seemed to have been rested on no authority but the facts1 or supposed facts1 of individual experiences4 ,some great doctrines were rendered incomprehensible1 repulsive1 or incredible1 in consequence of not being accompanied with other doctrines1 which were necessary to explain their use1 and make manifest their reasonableness and worth4 ,there was no lack of attention among theologians to the doctrine that ,christ was an incarnation of the ,deity2 but little or no regard was paid to the kindred doctrine1 its necessary accompaniment1 that ,jesus was the 'image1' the 'likeness1' of ,god1 the revelation or manifestation of ,his character4 ,yet this is essential to a right understanding and a due appreciation of the other4 ,the revelation or manifestation of ,god1 and especially of ,his eternal and infinite love1 was the great design and end of the incarnation4 ,taken apart from this doctrine the incarnation becomes a dry hard fact1 without use or meaning4 ,it is when viewed as a means of revealing ,god1--of making manifest ,his infinite goodness1 and by that means melting and purifying man's heart1 and transforming his character1 that it is seen to be full of interest and power and glory4 ,the doctrine that ,jesus is ,god's image1 ,god manifest in the flesh1 is the one great doctrine of ,christianity1--the sum1 the substance of the whole ,gospel1--the ,gospel itself1--the power of ,god to the salvation of every one that truly believes and contemplates it4 ,it is a world of truth in one1--a whole encyclopaedia of divine philosophy2 the perfection of all wisdom and of all power2 the one great revelation needful to the salvation of the world4 ,yet ,i never met with this doctrine for the first thirty years of my life1 in any theological work4 ,i have no recollection that ,i ever heard it mentioned in a sermon4 ,i certainly never heard it explained and applied to the great purposes for which it was designed4 ,i never was told that to know the character of ,god1 ,i had only to look at the character of ,christ1--that what ,christ was during ,his life on earth in the circle in which ,he moved1 that ,god was throughout all worlds1 and towards all the creatures of ,his hands1--that the love which led ,jesus to suffer and die for the salvation of the world1 lived and moved in the heart of the infinite1 invisible ,god1 prompting ,him to plan and labor throughout immensity to promote the happiness of the whole creation4 ,in short1 the ,gospel was never preached to me in its simplicity and beauty1 in its glory and power1 nor was it ever properly explained to me in catechism1 creed1 confession1 or body of divinity4 ,and generally1 no sufficient stress was ever laid by theologians on the value and necessity of personal virtue1--of religious and moral goodness4 ,it was believed that ,christians would have goodness of some kind1 in some degree1--that they would be1 on the whole1 in some respects1 better than the ungodly world2 and there was a feeling that they ought to be so3 but it was rare to meet with a preacher or a book that put the subject in any thing like a ,scriptural ,christian light4 ,no one contended that goodness was everything1 that it was the one great all-glorious object for which the world was made1 for which the universe was upheld1 for which prophets spake1 for which the ,scriptures were written1 for which ,god became incarnate1 for which ,jesus lived and labored1 for which ,he suffered and died1 for which ,he founded ,his ,church and appointed and endowed its ministers1 for which ,providence planned1 and for which all things continued to exist4 ,no one taught that goodness was the only thing for which ,god cared1 the only thing which ,he esteemed and loved1 and the only thing ,he would reward and bless4 ,books and preachers did not use to tell us1 that faith1 and knowledge1 and feeling1--that repentance1 conversion1 and sanctification1--that reading the ,scriptures1 and hearing sermons1 and singing hymns1 and offering prayers1--that church fellowship1 and religious ordinances1 were all nothing except so far as they tended to make people good1 and then to make them better1 and at last to perfect them in all divine and human excellence4 ,no one taught us that goodness was beauty1 that goodness was greatness1 that goodness was glory1 that goodness was happiness1 that goodness was heaven4 ,the truth was never pressed on us that the want of goodness was deformity1 dishonor and shame1--that it was pain1 and wretchedness1 and torment1 and death1--that goodness in full measure would make earth heaven--that its decline and disappearance would make earth hell4 ,yet a careful and long-continued perusal of the ,scriptures left the impression on my mind1 that this was really the case4 ,when ,i compared the eternal talk about all our goodness being of no account in the sight of ,god1--of all our righteousness being but as filthy rags1--with the teachings of ,scripture1 ,i felt as if theologians were anti-christ1 and their theology the gospel of the wicked one4 ,i have no wish to do injustice to theology1 or to theologians either2 but the more ,i knew of them1 the less ,i thought of them4 ,and even when the ,christian and theologian got blended1 as they did1 to some extent1 in such men as ,baxter and ,wesley1 ,i pitied the theologian while ,i esteemed and loved the ,christian4 ,theological works are poor contemptible things4 ,it would have been no great loss to the world if nineteen-twentieths of them had been burnt in the ,chicago fire4 ,i was often grievously harassed with prevailing theories of ,scripture inspiration4 ,all those theories seemed inconsistent with facts1--inconsistent with what every man of any information1 knew to be true in reference to the ,scriptures4 ,they all lay open to infidel objections1--unanswerable objections4 ,they made it impossible for a man to argue with the abler and better informed class of infidel assailants with the success and satisfaction desirable4 ,the theories did not admit of a successful defence4 ,and when the theories were refuted1 the ,bible and ,christianity suffered4 ,on searching the ,scriptures ,i found they gave no countenance to those theories4 ,they taught the doctrine of ,scripture inspiration1 but not the prevailing theories of the doctrine4 ,the doctrine ,i could defend with ease3 the defence of the theories was impossible4 ,i accordingly laid aside the theories4 ,again2 ,i heard and read continually about the influence and work of the ,holy ,spirit2 but ,i seldom heard and read of the influence of the truth4 ,yet in ,scripture we read as much and as often of the latter as of the former4 ,i had been led1 in some way1 to believe that ,adam was the federal head of all mankind1--that ,god made a covenant with him that was binding on all his posterity1--that the destinies of the whole human race were placed in his hands1--that it was so arranged that if ,adam did right1 his posterity were to be born in a state of perfection and blessedness1 incapable of sin and misery1--that if he did wrong they were to be born depraved and miserable1 under the curse of ,god1 and liable to death and damnation--that as ,adam did do wrong1 we all came into the world so depraved that we were incapable of thinking a good thought1 of feeling a good desire1 of speaking a right word1 or of doing a right thing1--that ,jesus came into the world to redeem us from the guilt of ,adam's sin1 and from the punishment due to us for that sin1 and to put us on such a footing with regard to ,god as to render possible our salvation4 ,i had been led to believe a hundred other things connected with these about the plan of redemption1 the way of salvation1 imputed righteousness1 saving faith1 c4 ,when ,i came to look for those doctrines in the ,bible1 ,i could not find one of them from the beginning of the ,book to the end4 ,i was in consequence led to regard them as the imaginations of unthinking1 trifling1 or dreamy theologians4 ,there are few doctrines more generally received than the doctrine of types1--the doctrine that persons and things under the older dispensations were intended to direct the minds of those who saw them to things corresponding to them under the ,christian dispensation4 ,in ,mc,ewen's work on ,types1 which appears to have had an immense circulation1 is this sentence1--',that the grand doctrines of ,christianity concerning the mediation of ,christ1 c41 were typically manifested to the church by a variety of ceremonies1 persons and events1 under the ,old ,testament dispensation1 is past doubt4' ,and it is very plainly intimated1 that those who affect to call this notion in question1 and yet pretend to be friends of a divine revelation1 are hypocrites4 ,it is added3 ',the sacrifices were ordained to pre-figure ,christ1--and were professions of faith in ,his propitiation4' ,there are but few preachers or religious books which do not go on the supposition that this doctrine is taught in ,scripture4 ,and you may hear sermon after sermon from some preachers1 the chief object of which is to point out correspondences between the paschal lamb1 the scape-goat1 and other sacrifices under the ,law1 and ,jesus and the sacrifice which ,he offered4 ,some preachers and religious writers take almost all things under the law to be types of ,christ1 or types of things pertaining to ,him4 ,they make ,noah1 and ,isaac1 and ,melchisedec1 and ,joseph1 and ,moses1 and ,joshua1 and ,david1 and ,samson1 and ,solomon1 and the brazen serpent1 and the rod of ,aaron1 and the manna1 types of ,christ1 and almost all the sacrifices they make types of ,his great sacrifice of ,himself4 ,i could see no warrant for this doctrine4 ,i could find no proof that any of the sacrifices under the law were intended to direct the minds of those who offered them to the sacrifice of ,jesus4 ,there is nothing in the law1 and there is nothing in the prophets to that effect4 ,there is no passage of ,scripture which says that any one ever did look through the old ,levitical sacrifices to ,christ4 ,there is no passage which says it was men's duty to do so2 none which commends any one for doing so1 or which blames any one for not doing so4 ,the prophets often rebuke the ,israelites for their injustice1 intemperance1 deceit and cruelty1 but they never rebuke them for not looking through their sacrifices to the sacrifice of ,jesus4 ,they often exhort people to 'cease to do evil and learn to do well2' but they never urge them to regard their sacrifices as types or manifestations of the sacrifice of ,christ4 ,christ nowhere teaches the ordinary doctrine of types4 ,he never refers to anything as a type of ,his sacrifice1 or of anything else connected with ,his work4 ,nor do the ,apostles say anything to countenance the prevailing notion4 ,for anything the ,scriptures say to the contrary1 the whole doctrine of types1 as set forth in such books as that of ,mc,ewen1 is a human fiction4 ,indeed1 ,i see no hint in ,scripture that any one had the least idea that the ,messiah would offer ,himself a sacrifice for sin till after the sacrifice had taken place4 ,isaiah and ,daniel spake on the subject1 and ',they inquired and searched diligently1' says ,peter1 'what1 or what manner of time the spirit of ,christ which was in them did signify1 when it testified beforehand the sufferings of ,christ and the glory that should follow2 unto whom it was revealed1 that not unto themselves1 but unto us they did minister the things1 which are now reported unto you by them that have preached the gospel unto you with the ,holy ,ghost sent down from ,heaven4' ,and we know that ,christ's own disciples did not believe that ,christ would die at all4 ,so far were they from having any thought of such a thing1 that when ,jesus told them1 in the plainest words imaginable1 they did not understand ,him4 ,the fact had to reveal itself4 ,and even now the nature and end of ,christ's sacrifice are but very imperfectly understood4 ,and if the doctrine of types falls to the ground1 some other doctrines1 which rest upon it1 must go down4 ,certain notions about the faith of the ancient saints must give way1 and the views of saving faith presented in the eleventh chapter of the ,epistle to the ,hebrews must take their place4 ,great numbers of religious teachers and writers attribute to ,adam and ,eve1 in their first state1 an amount of knowledge1 and a perfection of righteousness1 which the ,scriptures nowhere ascribe to them1 and which1 if they had possessed them1 would have rendered it impossible1 one would think1 that they should have yielded so readily to temptation4 ,they represent the first sin as having effects which are never attributed to it in the ,bible4 ,they give an unwarrantable meaning to the word death contained in the first threatening4 ,they attribute to man's first sin inconveniences of the seasons1 and of the different climates of the globe1 as well as a thousand things on the earth's surface1 and in the dispositions and habits of the lower animals1 which are not attributed to that cause by the sacred writers4 ,they spend a vast amount of time and words in trying to prove that the reason why ,abel's sacrifice was more excellent than that of ,cain1 and was accepted by ,god1 was that ,abel offered animals1 and had an eye to the sacrifice of ,christ1 while ,cain offered only the fruits of the ground1 that did not typify or symbolize that sacrifice2 a notion for which there is no authority in ,scripture4 ,the story in ,genesis seems to intimate that the sacrifice of ,cain was rejected because he was a bad-living man1 and that the sacrifice of ,abel was accepted because he was a good-living man4 ,hence the words of ,god in ,his address to ,cain1 ',why art thou wroth8 ,and why is thy countenance fallen8 ,if thou doest well shalt thou not be accepted8 and if thou doest not well1 sin lieth at the door4' ,and hence too the statement of ,john1 that ,cain slew his brother because his own works were evil and his brother's righteous4 ,and the faith attributed to ,abel1 as well as to ,enoch1 ,moses and others1 in the ,epistle to the ,hebrews1 is not faith in the sacrifice of ,christ1 but simply a belief in ,god2 a belief that ',he is1 and that ,he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek ,him1 or lovingly serve ,him4' ,there were many definitions and descriptions of saving faith common in religious books for which ,i could find no authority in ,scripture4 ,i also met with a multitude of cold hard things about the ,trinity and the ,atonement in works on ,theology which ,i never was unhappy enough to find in the ,bible4 ,all seemed pleasant and natural and of heavenly tendency there4 ,i read books which seemed to require me to believe in three ,gods2 but ,i met with nothing of the kind in ,scripture4 ,i heard prayers and forms of benediction worded in a way altogether different from the prayers and benedictions found in the ,bible4 ,the ,scriptures allowed me to think of ,god1 in the first place1 as one1 as ,i myself was one4 ,they did not tell me ,he was three in the same way as ,i was three2 but they left the doctrine of the ,trinity in such a state or shape that ,i found no more difficulty in receiving it1 than ,i found in receiving the fact of a ,trinity in myself4 ,i left accordingly the hard repulsive representations of the theologians to their fate1 and accepted and contented myself with the living1 rational and practical representations of ,scripture in their stead4 ,the work of ,christ was generally represented by theologians as exerting its influence directly on ,god4 ,his death was generally spoken of as a satisfaction to divine justice1 or as an expedient for harmonizing the divine attributes1 or maintaining the principles of the divine government4 ,god was represented as being placed in a difficulty1--as being unable to gratify ,his love in forgiving men on their repenting and turning to ,him1 without violating ,his justice and ,his truth1 and putting in peril the principles of ,his government4 ,there were several other theological theories of the design or object of the death of ,christ4 ,all these theories may be true in a certain sense4 ,they may1 perhaps1 be so explained as to make them harmonize with the teachings of ,scripture4 ,but ,i found none of them in the ,bible4 ,i found multitudes of passages which represented the death and sufferings of ,christ as intended to influence men1 but not one that taught any of the theological theories1--hardly one that even seemed to do so4 ,here again ,i took the ,scripture representations1 and allowed the theological ones to slide4 ,there was a hymn which said of ,christ1 ',our debt ,he has paid1 and our work ,he has done4' ,i could find nothing in ,scripture about the ,saviour paying our debt1 or doing our work4 ,i could find passages which taught that our debts or sins might be forgiven1 on our return to ,god4 ,so far were the ,scriptures from teaching that ,christ had done our work1 that they represented ,him as coming into the world to fit us to do it ourselves1--as redeeming us and creating us anew that we might be zealous of good works4 ,i could find nothing in ,scripture to countenance the common notion about the efficacy of the death-bed repentances of old1 wilful1 hardened sinners4 ,the ,bible left on my mind the impression that 'whatsoever a man soweth1 that shall he also reap4' ,some preachers and writers spoke as if ,god the ,father was sterner1 less tender and loving1 than the ,son4 ,but as we have seen1 the ,bible taught that ,jesus was ,god's image1 ,his likeness1 the incarnation and revelation of ,god1--,god manifest in the flesh4 ,i read in books1 and heard it said in sermons1 that ,god did not answer men's prayers1 or grant them any blessing1 or receive them at last to heaven1 on account of anything good in themselves1 or of anything good they did4 ,yet on looking through the ,scriptures ,i found such passages as these3 ',beloved1 if our heart condemn us not1 then have we confidence toward ,god4 ,and whatsoever we ask1 we receive of ,him1 because we keep ,his commandments1 and do those things that are pleasing in ,his sight4' ,in the parable of the talents ,i found ,god represented as saying1 ',well done1 thou good and faithful servant1 because thou hast been faithful in a very little1 have thou authority over ten cities4' ,and in the ,prophet ,i read1 ',again1 when the wicked man turneth away from his wickedness that he hath committed1 and doeth that which is lawful and right1 he shall save his soul alive4 ,because he considereth and turneth away from all his transgressions that he hath committed1 he shall surely live1 he shall not die4' ,i found the whole ,bible going on the same principle4 ,god loves what is good for its own sake4 ,it would be strange if ,he did not4 ,and how any one can think ,he is honoring ,god by teaching the contrary we cannot understand4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,john ,,wesley ,,and ,,his ,,views ,,on ,,certain ,,points4 ,how easy it is for men to mix up their own fancies1 or the vain conceits of others1 with divine truth1--or rather1 how hard it is to avoid doing so1--we may see by the case of ,john ,wesley4 ,wesley was one of the most devout1 and conscientious1 and1 on the whole1 one of the most rational1 ,scriptural1 practical and common-sense men the ,christian ,church ever had4 ,compared with theologians generally1 he was worthy of the highest praise4 ,he had the greatest reverence for the ,scriptures4 ,he early in life declared it to be his determination to be a man of one ,book1 and that one book the ,,bible2 and he acted in accordance with this determination to the best of his knowledge and ability4 ,the ,bible was his sole authority4 ,its testimony decided all questions1 settled all controversies4 ,yet such was the influence of prevailing custom in the theological world1 operating on his mind unconsciously from his earliest days1 that he unintentionally acted inconsistently with this good resolution in cases without number4 ,shakespeare makes one of his characters say1 ,if to do1 were as easy as to know what is fittest to be done1 beggars would ride on horses1 and poor men's cottages would be princes' palaces4 ,i could more easily tell twenty men what it was best to do1 than be one of the twenty to carry out my own instructions4 ,and we need no better proof or illustration of the truth of this wise saying1 than the case of the good and great ,john ,wesley4 ,we have seen what his resolution was4 ,look now at one or two of his sermons4 ,take first the sermon on ,god's ,approbation of ,his ,works4 ,in that discourse1 referring to the primeval earth1 he speaks as follows3 ,the whole surface of it was beautiful in a high degree4 ,the universal face was clothed with living green4 ,and every part was fertile as well as beautiful4 ,it was no where deformed by rough or ragged rocks3 it did not shock the view with horrid precipices1 huge chasms1 or dreary caverns3 with deep1 impassable morasses1 or deserts of barren sands4 ,we have not any authority to say1 with some learned and ingenious authors1 that there were no mountains on the original earth1 no unevennesses on its surface1 yet it is highly probable that they rose and fell1 by almost insensible degrees4 ,there were no agitations within the bowels of the globe3 no violent convulsions3 no concussions of the earth3 no earthquakes3 but all was unmoved as the pillars of heaven4 ,there were then no such things as eruptions of fire3 there were no volcanoes1 or burning mountains4 ,neither ,vesuvius1 ,etna1 nor ,hecla1 if they had any being1 then poured out smoke and flame1 but were covered with a verdant mantle1 from the top to the bottom4 ,it is probable there was no external sea in the paradisiacal earth3 none1 until the great deep burst the barriers which were originally appointed for it2 indeed there was not then that need of the ocean for navigation which there is now4 ,for either every country produced whatever was requisite either for the necessity or comfort of its inhabitants2 or man being then 7as he will be again at the resurrection7 equal to the angels1 was able to convey himself1 at his pleasure1 to any given distance4 ,there were no putrid lakes1 no turbid or stagnating waters4 ,the element of air was then always serene1 and always friendly to man4 ,it contained no frightful meteors1 no unwholesome vapors1 no poisonous exhalations4 ,there were no tempests1 but only cool and gentle breezes1 fanning both man and beast1 and wafting the fragrant odors on their silent wings4 ,the sun1 the fountain of fire1 ',of this great world both eye and soul1' was situated at the most exact distance from the earth1 so as to yield a sufficient quantity of heat1 7neither too little nor too much7 to every part of it4 ,god had not yet ',bid his angels turn askance this oblique globe4' ,there was1 therefore1 then no country that groaned under ',the rage of ,arctos1 and eternal frost4' ,there was no violent winter1 or sultry summer2 no extreme either of heat or cold4 ,no soil was burned up by the solar heat3 none uninhabitable through the want of it4 ,there were then no impetuous currents of air1 no tempestuous winds1 no furious hail1 no torrents of rain1 no rolling thunders or forky lightnings4 ,one perennial spring was perpetually smiling over the whole surface of the earth4 ,speaking of vegetable productions1 he says1 ,there were no weeds1 no plants that encumbered the ground4 ,much less were there any poisonous ones1 tending to hurt any one creature4 ,referring to the living creatures of the sea1 he says1 ,none of these then attempted to devour1 or in any wise hurt one another4 ,all were peaceful and quiet1 as were the watery fields wherein they ranged at pleasure4 ,referring to insects1 he adds1 ,the spider was then as harmless as the fly1 and did not then lie in wait for blood4 ,the weakest of them crept securely over the earth1 or spread their gilded wings in the air1 that wavered in the breeze and glittered in the sun1 without any to make them afraid4 ,meantime1 the reptiles of every kind were equally harmless1 and more intelligent than they4 ,referring to birds and beasts1 he says1 ,among all these there were no birds or beasts of prey3 none that destroyed or molested another4 ,all this may be very beautiful poetry1 such as one might expect from the fine frenzy of a loving1 lawless genius1 but it is not ,scripture1 nor is it science or philosophy4 ,we have not a doubt but that ,god made all things right1--that all ,his works were very good2 the ,scriptures tell us that very plainly3 but they do not tell us that the things named by ,wesley constituted their goodness4 ,he thinks that the earth could not be good if it had on its surface rough or rugged rocks1 horrid precipices1 huge chasms1 or dreary caverns1 with impassable morasses1 or deserts of barren sands4 ,we think otherwise4 ,we think the earth is all the better1 and even all the more beautiful for rough and rugged rocks1 for horrid precipices1 huge chasms1 and dreary caverns4 ,so far from regarding the rough and rugged rocks as deformities1 we look on them as ornaments4 ,so far from appearing to us as an evil1 they appear a good4 ,even the impassable morasses1 and the deserts of barren sands may have their use4 ,if man had met with nothing in the state of the earth that stood in the way of his will or pleasure2 if he had met with nothing in the shape of difficulty or inconvenience1 it would have been a terrible calamity4 ,all man's powers are developed and perfected by exertion2 and without exertion1--without vigorous exertion--he would not1 as at present constituted1 be capable of enjoying life4 ,man cannot be happy without work4 ,we therefore believe that it was wise and kind in ,god1 independent of ,adam's sin1 to make impassable morasses1 and barren deserts1 c41 to exercise man's powers of mind and body in draining the morasses1 and fertilizing the deserts4 ,we believe that the earth was very good2 but we believe that the rough and rugged rocks1 the horrid precipices1 huge chasms1 dreary caverns1 with the deep impassable morasses1 and the deserts of barren sands1 were parts of the earth's goodness1--were manifestations both of the wisdom and goodness of ,god4 ,wesley thinks there were mountains on the earth before sin was committed1 but that their sides were not abrupt or difficult of ascent2 that they rose and fell by almost insensible degrees4 ,this passage also goes on the false supposition1 that whatever things would be likely to render great exertion necessary on the part of man1 would be an evil2 whereas such things are among man's greatest blessings4 ,wesley farther tells us1 that there were no agitations within the bowels of the earth1 no violent convulsions1 no concussions of the earth1 no earthquakes1 no eruptions of fire1 no volcanoes1 or burning mountains4 ,there is proof however1 that there were all these things1 not only before sin was committed1 but before man himself was created4 ,nor do we regard earthquakes and volcanoes as evils4 ,they are calculated even at the present to answer good ends4 ,they tend to make men feel their absolute dependence upon ,god1 and thus lead them to obey ,his law4 ,they are sinking revelations of ,god's power1 and perpetual lessons of piety4 ,and they have other uses4 ,he says1 ,if ,vesuvius1 ,etna1 or ,hecla1 existed before sin was committed1 they were covered with a verdant mantle from the top to the bottom4 ,but is a mountain either better or more beautiful for being covered with a verdant mantle from the top to the bottom8 ,is it either better or more beautiful for having no abrupt sides1 difficult of ascent1--for rising and falling by almost insensible degrees8 ,we think the contrary4 ,the variety of scenery presented by mountains in their present state1 is most beautiful4 ,the abruptness of the sides of mountains contributes infinitely both to the beauty of the mountain1 and to the beauty of the earth in general2 and the toil of climbing up the steep ascent of a mountain is one of the blessings and pleasures of life4 ,we should be sorry if there were no hills so steep as to be difficult of ascent4 ,we should be sorry if the earth had no mountains with abrupt sides1 and black1 and brown1 and rugged faces4 ,we should be very sorry if the face of the earth were covered with one unvaried mantle of green4 ,green is very pleasant1 and it is well that the greater part of the earth is covered with green2 but variety also is pleasant2 and green itself would cease to be pleasant if there were nothing else but green4 ,wesley adds1 that there was probably no sea on the surface of the earth in its paradisiacal state1 none until the great deep burst the barriers which were originally appointed for it2 and he adds1 that there was not then that need of the ocean for navigation which there is now1 as every place yielded all that was necessary to man's welfare and pleasure4 ,we answer4 ,the idea that the ocean was given to facilitate communication between different nations1 makes us smile4 ,suppose there had been no ocean1 should we have had a long way to go to get into the next country1 the country nearest to us8 ,just the contrary4 ,if there had been no ocean1 there would have been land in its place1 and we should neither have had to cross water nor land to get to it4 ,it would have come up close to our own country4 ,we have all the same travelling in order to have communication with the inhabitants of other countries when we have crossed the ocean1 that we should have had1 to obtain communication with neighboring countries1 if there had been no ocean at all4 ,the ocean was intended for other purposes4 ,the use of the ocean1 one of its principal uses at least1 is to temper the climates and seasons of the earth4 ,if the earth were one unbroken continent1 the summers would be intolerably hot1 and the winters would be intolerably cold1 and the changes from winter to summer would be so violent1 and work such fearful havoc1 as to render the earth uninhabitable4 ,by means of the ocean1 those intolerable inconveniences are avoided4 ,the sea1 which is never so cold in winter as the land1 tempers the air as it blows over it1 and thus moderates the cold of the land4 ,the sea also1 which is never so warm in summer as the land1 tempers the air again1 and breathes coolness and freshness over the heated land4 ,neither heat nor cold affects the sea so suddenly or so violently as it affects the land4 ,a few days of summer heat are sufficient to make the solid earth quite hot1--so hot1 in many cases1 that you cannot bear your naked hand upon it long4 ,yet this same amount of summer heat will make scarcely any perceptible difference in the waters of the ocean4 ,then again1 in winter1 a few days severe frost will make the solid earth1 and especially the stones and metals1 so cold1 that they would blister a delicate skin1 if pressed against them2 while they make scarcely any perceptible difference upon the waters of the ocean4 ,the ocean sits on its low throne like the monarch of this lower world1 controlling the elements1 tempering the heat and the cold1 and thus preserving the earth and its living inhabitants from harm4 ,wesley tells us farther1 that before the sin of ,adam1 ,the air was always serene and always friendly to man4 ,now the air is still always friendly to man4 ,even when it comes in the form of hurricanes and tempests1 it is so4 ,it is doing work1 even then1 good work1 which gentle breezes are unable to do4 ,it is carrying away dangers which gentler currents of air would not have the power to carry away4 ,and even when they cause destruction in their course1 they are still performing friendly offices to man4 ,they are inspiring him with a livelier consciousness of his absolute dependence upon ,god1 and of the folly of resisting ,his will4 ,they are exercising his intellectual powers1 by leading him to devise means for his protection from their fury1 and obliging him also to exert his bodily powers in carrying out the devices of his intellect4 ,they are1 in fact1 contributing to make him a wiser1 a stronger1 a better1 a happier1 and in all respects1 a completer1 and a diviner being than he otherwise would be4 ,we agree therefore with ,wesley that the air before ,adam sinned was always friendly to man2 but we do not agree with him in his notions as to what constituted its friendliness2 nor do we agree with him in the notion1 that since the sin of ,adam the air has ceased to be friendly1 or even proved to be less friendly1 to man4 ,we believe that the air is as friendly to man now as it ever was1--that it does him as little mischief1 that it contributes as much to his well-being and comfort1 as it ever did4 ,wesley further says1 the sun was situated at the most exact distance from the earth1 so as to yield a sufficient quantity of heat1 neither too little nor too much1 to every part of it4 ,ho further intimates that there was at first no inclination of the earth's axis1 and that the seasons and the degree of heat and cold were1 in consequence1 the same all the world over1 and all the year round4 ,all these statements seem erroneous in the extreme4 ,the supply of heat to the different parts of the earth does not depend altogether on the distance of the sun from the earth1 as ,wesley intimates1 but on the motions of the earth around the sun and upon its own axis4 ,wesley seems to imagine that if the axis of the earth were not inclined1 or elevated at one end1 the earth would receive from the sun the same quantity of heat through every part2 whereas nothing could be farther from the truth4 ,if1 as ,wesley expresses it1 ,this oblique globe had not been turned askance1 some parts of the earth would have received from the sun scarcely any heat at all2 they would have received neither light nor heat1 except in such slight measures as to be altogether useless4 ,the arctic regions and the antarctic regions must have been alike uninhabitable4 ,that turning of the oblique globe askance1 which ,wesley represents as the cause of extreme heat and cold1 was the very thing to prevent those extremes1 or to reduce them to the lowest possible point1 and to secure to every part of the globe1 as far as possible1 an equal amount of light and warmth4 ,i say as far as possible2 for to secure to every part of the earth exactly the same amount of light and heat from one sun1 is impossible4 ,place a little globe in what position you will with respect to a neighboring candle1 and fix the axis of that globe as you please1 and move that globe2 give the globe a motion upon its own axis1 and another motion round the light near which it is placed1 and you will find it impossible to secure to every part of that globe exactly the same amount of light and heat4 ,by inclining the axis of the globe1 or as ,wesley expresses it1 turning it askance1 as the axis of the earth is inclined or turned askance1 you may secure the greatest possible equality of light and heat to every part2 but still that greatest possible equality will be a considerable inequality4 ,so far1 therefore1 from the polar regions being made colder or darker by the globe being turned askance1 they are indebted to that very obliqueness of the earth's axis1 and that apparent irregularity of its motions1 for the chief portion of that light and heat which they receive4 ,how ,wesley came to speak so erroneously on this subject1 ,i am at a loss to know1 as he must1 one would think1 have understood the first elements of geography and astronomy4 ,yet his words are at variance with the first elements of those popular sciences4 ,but it would take up too much room to notice all the unauthorized statements of ,mr4 ,wesley on this subject4 ,we have said enough to show how the most conscientious and best-intentioned man may err on theological subjects1 and what need young ,christians have to be somewhat critical and careful in adopting and testing their religious opinions4 ,there are other sermons of ,wesley which are as much at variance with ,scripture as the one we have had under notice4 ,i have not his sermons at hand just now1 but if ,i remember right1 his remarks on the righteousness of the ,scribes and ,pharisees1 in his sermon on that subject1 are quite at variance with the statements of ,christ4 ,and ,wesley was one of the best1 one of the most honest and conscientious1 one of the most single-minded men on the face of the earth4 ,no man1 ,i imagine1 was ever more anxious to be right1--no one was ever more desirous to know and teach ,god's truth in all its purity1 and in everything to do ,god's will and bless mankind4 ,and he knew and chose the right standard of truth and goodness1 and honestly endeavored to conform to it both in thought and deed and word4 ,yet he could err in this strange and wholesale way4 ,what then may we expect from other theological writers8 ,many of the theologians whose writings influence the ,church were not very good men2 they were selfish1 ambitious1 proud and worldly4 ,some were idle1 dreamy1 careless1 godless4 ,and others1 who were piously disposed1 never deliberately adopted the ,bible as their rule of faith and practice4 ,they never set themselves to conform to it1 as the standard of truth and goodness4 ,they adopted or inherited the faiths or traditions of their predecessors1 never suspecting them of error1 and never inquiring whether they were true or not4 ,the idea of testing or correcting either their way of thinking or their way of talking on religious subjects1 by the teachings of ,christ1 never entered their minds4 ,they lived at ease1 dreaming rather than thinking1 and talking in their sleep1 and filling great folios with their idle utterances4 ,what kind of thoughts1 and what kind of words were we likely to find in the writings of men like these8 ,robert ,hall is reported to have described the works of the celebrated ,john ,owen as ,a ,,continent ,,of ,,mud4 ,there are others whose writings might be justly described as volumes of smoke4 ,mere wind they are not1 but foul1 black1 blinding smoke4 ,and writings of this description are published or republished in great quantities to the present day4 ,and people read them1 and fill themselves with wind and filthy fumes1 and wrap themselves in smoky1 pitchy clouds1 and go through the world in a spiritual darkness thick enough to be felt4 ,this smoke1 this blackness and darkness1 ,i could not endure4 ,i was anxious beyond measure to free myself from its bewildering and blinding power1 and to get into the clear fresh air1 and the bright and cheerful light1 of simple ,christian truth4 ,and hence the freedom and eagerness of my investigations1 and the liberty ,i took in modifying my belief4 ,it may be said that many of the doctrines which ,i have set down as unscriptural1 are of little importance2 and that is really the case4 ,we ought1 therefore1 to be the more ready to give them up4 ,why contend for doctrines of no moment8 ,but some of them are important4 ,they are revolting and mischievous errors1 and when they are regarded as parts of ,christianity1 they tend to make men infidels4 ,and in many cases they stagger the faith1 and lessen the comfort1 and injure the souls of ,christians4 ,and even the less important ones do harm when taken to be parts of the religion of ,christ4 ,you cannot make thoughtful1 sharp-visioned men believe that ,jesus came into the world1 and lived and died to propagate trifles4 ,trifles therefore are no longer trifles when set forth as ,christian doctrines4 ,and we have enough to believe and think about without occupying our minds with childish fancies4 ,and we have things enough of high importance to preach and write about1 without spending our time and strength on idle dreams4 ,and the apparently harmless fictions prop up the hurtful ones4 ,and they lessen the influence of great truths4 ,and they make religion appear suspicious or contemptible to men of sense4 ,they disgust some4 ,they give occasion to the adversaries to speak reproachfully4 ,and if you tolerate fictions at all in ,christianity1 where will you stop8 ,and if you do not stop somewhere1 ,christianity will disappear1 and a mass of worthless and disgusting follies will take its place4 ,the new creation will vanish1 and chaos come again4 ,and again4 ,a large proportion of the controversies of the ,church are about men's inventions4 ,christ's own doctrines do not so often provoke opposition as the traditions of the elders2 nor do they1 when assailed1 require so much defending4 ,they defend themselves4 ,the devil's way of undoing1 says ,baxter1 is by overdoing4 ,to bring religious zeal into disrepute1 he makes some zealous to madness1 to persecution1 to blood4 ,to discredit freedom he urges its advocates into lawlessness4 ,to discredit ,christian morality1 he induces some to carry it to the extreme of asceticism4 ,to discredit needful authority1 he makes rulers of the ,state into despots1 and persuades the rulers of the ,church to claim infallibility4 ,to discredit ,christianity1 he adds to it human inventions4 ,wesley has a similar sentiment4 ,if you place ,christian perfection too high1 you drive it out of the world4 ,and it is certain1 that an infinite amount of hostility to ,christianity is owing to the folly of divines in supplementing its simple and practical doctrines1 by speculative and unintelligible theories4 ,the one great evidence of the divinity of ,christianity1 says one1 the master-evidence1 the evidence with which all other evidences will stand or fall1 is ,christ ,himself speaking by ,his own word4 ,but if you add to ,his words foolish fancies1 or revolting absurdities1 or immoral speculations of your own1 you destroy that evidence4 ,you make men infidels4 ,there are multitudes at the present day to whom you must present religion in an intelligible and rational1 and in a grave and commanding light1 if you would induce them to give it their serious attention4 ,you can no more interest them in mysteries and nonsense1 in speculative and unpractical fictions1 than you can change the course of nature4 ,the time for theological trifling is gone by4 ,the time has gone by for any form of religion to make its way which does not consist in solid goodness1 or which teaches doctrines1 or uses forms1 that do not tend to promote solid goodness4 ,if religion is to secure the attention of the world1--if it is to command their respect1 their reverence and their love1--if it is to conquer their hearts1 and govern their lives1 and satisfy their souls1--if it is to become the great absorbing subject of man's thought1 and the governing power of our race1 it must be so presented1 as to prove itself in harmony with all that is highest and best in man's nature1 with all that is most beautiful and useful in life1 and with all that is beneficent and glorious in the universe4 ,in a word1 old dreamy theologies with their barbarous dialects and silly notions1 must be dropped and left to die1 and the ,church and the ministry must live1 and act1 and talk as men who are dealing with the grandest and most interesting and important realities4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,further ,,investigations ,,and ,,their ,,results4 ,as my readers will have seen before this1 the changes in my views were rather numerous1 if not always of great importance4 ,and the cases ,i have given are but samples of many other changes4 ,the fact is1 ,i pared away from my creed everything that was not plainly ,scriptural4 ,i threw aside all human theories1 all mere guesses about religious matters4 ,i also dismissed all forced or fanciful interpretations of ,scripture passages4 ,i endeavored to free ,christian doctrines from all corruptions1 perversions1 or exaggerations1 retaining only the pure and simple teachings of ,christ and the sacred writings4 ,i accepted only those interpretations of ,scripture1 which were in accordance with the object and drift of the writer1 with common sense1 and with the general tenor of the sacred volume4 ,i paid special regard to the plainest and most practical portions of ,scripture4 ,i paid no regard to doctrines grounded on solitary passages1 or on texts of doubtful meaning1 while numerous texts1 with their meaning on their very faces1 taught opposite doctrines4 ,i would accept nothing that seemed irrational from any quarter1 unless required to do so by the plain unquestionable oracles of ,god4 ,i could see no propriety in ,christians encumbering their minds and clogging religion with notions bearing plain and palpable marks of inconsistency or absurdity4 ,and if a doctrine presented itself in different religious writers in a variety of forms1 ,i always took the form which seemed most in harmony with reason and the plainest teachings of ,scripture4 ,some writers seemed to take pleasure in presenting such doctrines as the ,trinity1 the ,atonement1 ,salvation by ,faith1 ,eternal ,punishment1 c41 in the most incredible and repulsive forms1 straining and wresting the ,scriptures to justify their mischievous extravagances4 ,other writers would say no more on those subjects than the ,scriptures said1 and would put what the ,scriptures said in such a light as to render it worthy of all acceptation4 ,as a matter of course1 the latter kind of writers became my favorites4 ,indeed the ,scriptures seemed always to favor what appeared most rational in the various creeds4 ,the ,scriptures and common sense seemed always in remarkable harmony4 ,the doctrines which clashed with reason seemed also to clash with ,scripture3 and ,i felt that in rejecting such doctrines ,i was promoting the honor of ,god and of ,christ1 and rendering a service to the ,church and ,christianity4 ,i was sometimes rather tried by the unwarranted and inconsiderate statements of my brother ministers4 ,take an instance4 ,a preacher one night1 in a sermon to which ,i was listening1 said1 ,how great is the love of ,god to fallen man6 ,angels sinned1 and were doomed at once to everlasting damnation4 ,no ,saviour interposed to bring them back to holiness and heaven4 ,no ambassador was sent with offers of pardon to beseech them to be reconciled to ,god4 ,man sins1 and the ,deity ,himself becomes incarnate4 ,all the machinery of nature and all the resources of ,heaven are employed to save him from destruction4 ,one sin shuts up in everlasting despair millions of spiritual beings1 while a thousand transgressions are forgiven to man4 ,now this doctrine1 instead of reflecting peculiar glory on ,god1 seemed to me to savor of blasphemy4 ,it is no honor to be partial or capricious2 it is a reproach4 ,a father that should be tenderly indulgent to one of his children1 and rigidly severe to the rest1 would be regarded with indignation4 ,the doctrine of ,divine partiality shocks both our reason and our moral feelings4 ,and it is not scriptural4 ,the ,bible says nothing about ,god dooming the rebellious angels to perdition for one sin1 without any attempt to bring them back to obedience2 but it does say that ,god is good to all1 and that ,his tender mercies are over all ,his works4 ,i accordingly rejected the doctrine4 ,there was quite a multitude of doctrines which entered into the sermons of many of my brother ministers1 which never found their way into mine4 ,and there were doctrines which entered into my discourses1 which never found their way into theirs4 ,and the doctrines which we held and preached in common1 we often presented in very different forms1 and put into very different words4 ,they could say a multitude of things which ,i could not say2 things which ,i could find no kind of warrant for saying4 ,when we met together after hearing each other preach1 we had at times long talks about our different views and ways of preaching4 ,i was free in expressing my thoughts and feelings1 especially in the earlier years of my ministry1 and our conversations were often very animated4 ,in some circuits1 ,i induced my colleagues to join me in establishing weekly meetings for mutual improvement in religious knowledge4 ,at each meeting an essay was read1 on some subject agreed upon at a former meeting1 and after the essay had been read we discussed the merits both of the sentiments it embodied1 and of the style in which it was written4 ,when it was my turn to prepare an essay1 ,i generally introduced one or more of the points on which ,i and my colleagues differed1 for the purpose of having them discussed4 ,i stated my views with the utmost freedom1 and gave every encouragement to my colleagues to state theirs with equal freedom in return4 ,when my colleagues read their productions1 ,i pointed out what ,i thought erroneous or defective with great plainness and fidelity4 ,i was anxious both to learn and to teach1 and it was my delight1 as it was my duty and business1 to endeavor to do both4 ,i was not1 however1 so anxious to change the views of my friends as ,i was to excite in them a thirst for knowledge4 ,and indeed ,i did not consider it of so much importance that a man should accept a certain number of truths1 or particular doctrines1 as that he should have a sincere desire1 and make suitable endeavors to understand all truth4 ,it was idleness1 indifference1 a state of mental stagnation1 a readiness carelessly to accept whatever might come in the way without once trying to test it by ,scripture or reason1 that ,i particularly disliked2 and to cure or abate this evil1 ,i exerted myself to the utmost4 ,when ,i was stationed in ,newcastle in #ahca1 ,i met with ,foster's ,essays1 which ,i read with a great deal of eagerness and pleasure4 ,one of these ,essays is ,on some of the ,causes by which ,evangelical ,religion has been ,rendered ,unacceptable to ,persons of ,cultivated ,taste8 ,among his remarks on this subject1 he has some to the following effect3-- #a4 ,christianity is the religion of many weak1 uncultivated and little-minded people1 and they1 by their unwise ways of talking about it1 and by their various defects of character1 make religion look weak1 and poor1 and unreasonable4 ,and many receive their impression or ideas of the character of ,christianity more from the exhibitions given of it by the religious people with whom they come in contact1 than from the exhibition given of it in the life and teachings of its great ,author1 or from the characters and writings of ,his ,apostles4 ,an intelligent and cultivated man1 for instance1 falls into the company of ,christians who know little either of the teachings of ,christ1 or of the wonderful facts which go to prove their truth and their infinite excellency--,christians who never trouble themselves about such matters1 and who look on it as no good sign when people show a disposition to inquire seriously into such subjects4 ,he hears those ,christians talk about religion1 but can find nothing in their conversation but strange and1 to him1 unintelligible expressions4 ,the speakers give proof enough of excited feelings1 but show no sign of mental enlightenment4 ,if he asks them for information on the great principles and bearings of ,christianity1 they tell him they have nothing to do with vain philosophy4 #b4 ,the man of taste and culture hears other ,christians harping eternally on two or three points1 adopted perhaps from some dreamy author1 and denouncing all who question the correctness of their version of the ,gospel1 as heretics or infidels1 while all the time their notions have little or no resemblance either to the ,gospel or to common sense2 but are at best1 only perversions or distortions of ,christian doctrines1 which have no more likeness to the religion of ,christ than a few broken bricks have to a beautiful and magnificent palace4 #c4 ,in many cases the ,christians with whom he meets have not only no general knowledge of religious subjects1 but no desire for such knowledge4 ,the ,bible is their book1 they say1 and they want no other4 ,and they make but a pitiful use of that4 ,they do not go to the ,bible as to a fountain of infinite knowledge1 whose streams of truth blend naturally with all the truths in the universe1 but merely to refresh their minds with a few misinterpreted passages1 which ignorance and bigotry are accustomed to use to support their misconceptions of ,christian doctrine4 ,they use the book not to make them wise1 but to keep them ignorant4 ,they dwell for ever on the same irrational fancies1 and repeat them for ever in the same outlandish jargon4 #d4 ,he meets with other ,christians who read a little in other books besides the ,bible2 but it is just those books that help to keep them from understanding the meaning of the ,bible4 ,and the portions of the books which they admire most and quote oftenest1 are the silliest and most erroneous portions4 ,they put darkness for light1 and light for darkness4 ,the man of culture speaks to them1 but they cannot understand him4 ,his thoughts and style are alike out of their line1 or beyond their capacity4 ,if at any time they catch a glimpse of his meaning1 they are frightened on perceiving that his thoughts are not an exact repetition of their own4 #e4 ,another cause which has tended to render ,christianity less acceptable to men of taste and culture1 is the peculiar language adopted in the discourses and writings of its ,teachers4 ,the style of some religious teachers is low1 vulgar4 ,the style of a still greater number is barbarous4 ,men soon feel the language of the ,law to be barbarous4 ,they would feel the language of theology to be as barbarous1 if they were not accustomed to hear it or read it so constantly4 ,the way in which the greater number of evangelical divines express themselves is quite different from that in which men generally express themselves4 ,their whole cast of phraseology is peculiar4 ,you cannot hear five sentences without feeling that you are listening to a dead or foreign language4 ,to put it into good current ,english you have to translate it1 and the task of translation is as hard1 and requires as much study and practice1 as that of translating ,greek or ,hebrew4 ,the language of the pulpit and of religious books is a dialect to itself1 and cannot be used in common life or common affairs4 ,if you try to apply it to anything but religion1 it becomes ridiculous1 and a common kind of wit consists in speaking of common things in pulpit phraseology4 ,a foreign heathen might master our language in its common and classical forms1 and be able to understand both our ordinary talk and our ablest authors1 yet find himself quite at a loss to understand an evangelical preacher or writer4 ,even if our heathen understood religion in its simpler and more natural forms1 he would still be unable to understand the common run of religious talkers and writers4 ,if he had religion to learn from such teachers and writers1 he would have a double task1 first1 to get the ideas1 and then to learn the uncouth and unnatural language4 ,this peculiar dialect is quite unnecessary4 ,the style of a preacher or a religious writer might be1 and1 allowing for a few terms1 ought to be1 the same as that of a man talking about ordinary affairs1 and matters of common interest and duty4 ,the want of this is one great cause of the little success1 both of our preachers at home1 and of our missionaries abroad4 ,they hide beneath an unseemly veil1 a beauty that should strike all eyes1 and win all hearts4 ,their style is just the opposite of everything that can instruct1 attract1 command4 ,and it is vain to expect much improvement in the present generation of religious teachers4 ,they could not get a good style without a long and careful study of good authors1 and for this many of them have neither the taste nor the needful industry4 ,they would have to begin life anew1 to be converted and become as little children1 before they could master the task4 ,they cannot think of religion but in common words4 ,they cannot think there can be divine truth but in the old phrases4 ,to discontinue them1 therefore1 and use others1 would in their view1 be to become heretics or infidels4 ,in truth1 many of them seem to have no ideas4 ,their phrases are not vehicles of ideas1 but substitutes for them4 ,if they hear the ideas which their phrases did once signify1 expressed ever so plainly in other language1 they do not recognise them1 and instantly suspect the man who utters them of unsoundness in the faith1 and apply to him all the abusive terms of ecclesiastical reproach4 ,for such the common pulpit jargon is the convenient refuge of ignorance1 idleness and prejudice4 #f4 ,speaking of certain kinds of religious books1 ,mr4 ,foster calls them an accumulation of bad writing1 under which the evangelical theology has been buried1 and which has contributed to bring its principles into disfavor4 ,he adds3 ,a large proportion of religious books may be sentenced as bad on more accounts than their peculiarity of dialect4 ,one has to regret that their authors did not revere the dignity of their religion too much to surround it and choke it with their works4 ,there is quite a multitude of books which form the perfect vulgar of religious authorship1--a vast exhibition of the most inferior materials that can be called thought1 in language too grovelling to be called style4 ,in these books you are mortified to see how low religious thought and expression can sink2 and you almost wonder how the grand ideas of ,god and ,providence1 of redemption and eternity1 the noblest ideas known1 can shine on a human mind1 without imparting some small occasional degree of dignity to its train of thought4 ,you can make allowances for the great defects of private ,christians1 but when men obtrude their infinite littleness and folly on the public in books1 you can hardly help regarding them as inexcusable4 ,true1 many of those worthless and mischievous books are evermore disappearing1 but others as bad1 or but little better1 take their places4 ,look where you will you will meet with them4 ,what estimate can a man have of ,christianity who receives his first impressions of it from such books8 #g4 ,there are other religious books that are tolerable as to style1 but which display no power or prominence of thought1 no living vigor of expression2 they are flat and dry as a plain of sand4 ,they tease you with the thousandth repetition of common-places1 causing a feeling of unspeakable weariness4 ,though the author is surrounded with rich immeasurable fields of truth and beauty1 he treads for ever the same narrow track already trodden into dust4 #h4 ,there is a smaller class of religious writers that may be called mock-eloquent writers4 ,they try at a superior style1 but forget that true eloquence resides essentially in the thought1 the feeling1 the character1 and that no words can make genuine eloquence out of that which is of no worth or interest4 ,they mistake a gaudy verbosity for eloquence4 #i4 ,the moral and theological materials of many religious books are as faulty as their style1 and the injury they do the ,gospel is incalculable4 ,here is a systematic writer in whose hands all the riches and magnificence of revelation shrink into a meagre list of doctrinal points1 and not a single verse in the ,bible is allowed to tell its meaning1 or even allowed to have one1 till it has been forced under torture to maintain one of his points4 ,you are next confronted with a prater about the invisible world1 that makes you shrink away into darkness2 and then you are met with a grim zealot for such a revolting theory of the ,divine attributes and government1 that he seems to delight in representing the ,deity as a dreadful king of furies1 whose dominion is overshadowed with vengeance1 whose music is the cries of victims1 and whose glory requires to be illustrated by the ruin of ,his creation4 ,one cannot help deploring that the great mass of religious books were not consigned to the flames before they were permitted to reach the eyes of the public4 ,books which exhibit ,christianity and its claims with insipid feebleness1 or which cramp its majesty into an artificial form at once distorted and mean1 must grievously injure its influence4 ,an intelligent ,christian cannot look into such works without feeling thankful that they were not the books from which he got his conceptions of the ,gospel4 ,nothing would induce him to put them into the hands of an inquiring youth1 and he would be sorry to see them on the table of an infidel1 or in the library of his children1 or of a student for the ministry4--,foster's ,essays4 ,these sentiments answered so astonishingly to my own thoughts1 that ,i read them with the greatest delight4 ,i laid them1 in substance1 before my brethren4 ,i explained them4 ,i illustrated them by quotations from books and sermons4 ,i gave them instances of the various faults pointed out by ,foster1 taken from their favorite authors1 and in some cases from the discourses of living preachers4 ,i wrote several essays on the causes of the slow progress made by ,christianity1 in which ,i embodied and illustrated many of ,foster's views4 ,i wrote essays on ,preaching ,christ1 in which ,i embodied and illustrated ,wesley's views on the subject1 including his condemnation of what1 in his days1 was falsely called ,gospel ,preaching4 ,i wrote quite a large volume on these subjects1 and read the contents1 so far as opportunity offered1 to my colleagues at our weekly meetings4 ,i was badly requited for my pains4 ,in some cases my colleagues listened to me and stared at me with amazement4 ,they thought ,i brought strange things to their ears4 ,one1 who is now dead1 said ,i should be really an excellent fellow1 he believed1 if ,i could only get the cobwebs swept out of my upper stories4 ,everything beyond his own poor standing common-places was cobwebs to him1 poor fellow4 ,the remarks on this subject in the ,,life of the preacher referred to1 show that my ideas and plans at that time are not yet understood by all his brethren4 ,travel1 they say1 frees men from their prejudices4 ,the more they see of the wonders of other countries1 and of the manners of other nations1 the more moderate becomes their estimate of the marvels1 and of some of the views and customs of their native land4 ,and it is certain that the more a man travels through good books by men of different ,churches from his own1 the less important will some of the peculiarities of his own denomination appear4 ,as ignorance of the world is favorable to blind patriotism and home idolatry1 so ignorance of ,churches1 and systems1 and literatures different from our own1 is favorable to bigotry and sectarianism4 ,and as free and extended intercourse with foreign nations tends to enlarge and liberalize the mind2 so the more extensive a ,christian's acquaintance is with different branches of the ,church1 and with their customs1 and writings1 and manners1 the more likely will his sectarian bigotry and intolerance be to give place to liberal views and to ,christian moderation and charity4 ,but just in proportion as he becomes the subject of this blessed transformation1 will he be regarded with suspicion and dread by those who still remain the slaves of ignorance and bigotry4 ,it was so in my case4 ,i travelled through extensive regions of religious literature different from that of my own ,church1 and ,i did so with an earnest desire to learn what was true and good in all4 ,the consequence was the loss of many prejudices1 and the modification of many more4 ,i lost my prejudices against all kinds of ,christians4 ,i could believe in the salvation both of ,quakers and ,catholics1 and of all between1 if they were well disposed1 ,god-fearing1 good-living men4 ,i could believe in the salvation of all1 not excepting ,jews1 ,turks1 and ,pagans1 who lived according to the light they had1 and honestly and faithfully sought for further light4 ,i believed that in every nation he that feared ,god and worked righteousness was accepted of ,him4 ,i believed that honest1 faithful souls among the pagans of old would be found at last among the saved4 ,i regarded the moral and spiritual light of the ancient pagans as light from heaven1 as divine revelation4 ,i looked on all mankind as equally objects of ,god's care and love1 as ,his children1 under ,his tuition1 though placed for a time in different schools1 with different teachers1 and with different lesson-books4 ,i came to believe that ,god was as good as a good man1 as good as the kindest and best of fathers1 and even better1 and ,i felt assured that ,he would not permit any well-disposed soul on earth to perish4 ,i believed that some who were first in privileges1 would be among the last in blessedness2 and that some that were last in privileges would be among the first in blessedness4 ,yet ,i believed in missions4 ,i believed that it was the duty of all to share their blessings with others2 to give to others the light that ,god had bestowed on them1--that though pagans might be saved without ,christian light1 if they lived according to the light they had1 ,christians could not be saved if they did not1 as they had opportunity1 impart their superior light to the pagans4 ,i respected the good moral principles1 and the portions of religious truth that ,i found in the ancient ,greek and ,roman authors1 just as ,i lamented and condemned the moral and religious errors that ,i found in ,christian books4 ,i seized on truth where'er 'twas found1 ,on ,christian or on ,heathen ground1 and made it part of my creed3 and ,i warred with error though entrenched in the strong-holds of the ,church4 ,i respected what was true and good in all denominations of ,christians2 and even in all denominations that called themselves ,christians1 whether they came near enough to ,christ to entitle them to that name or not4 ,if ,i saw anything good in the creeds or the characters of other denominations ,i accepted it1 and tried to embody it in my own creed and character4 ,and ,i did1 as ,i thought1 see good in every one that ,i did not see in others4 ,i could see things in some ,protestants1 which ,i thought ,catholics would do well to imitate2 and ,i could see things among ,catholics1 which ,i thought ,protestants would do well to imitate4 ,i could see things in ,quakerism1 which it would have been to the honor and advantage of other ,christians to imitate2 and ,i could see good things in other ,churches which ,quakers would have done well to copy4 ,i could see even among ,unitarians of the older and better class1 an attention to matters practical1 a naturalness of style1 and a freedom from certain anti-christian expressions and notions1 which it would have been well for orthodox ,churches to have made their own2 and ,i could see where ,unitarians had both gone too far through their dislike of orthodox error1 and fallen short of truth and duty through dread of orthodox weaknesses or imperfections4 ,and ,i had an idea1 that it would be well in all ,churches1 instead of avoiding1 or scolding1 or abusing one another1 to study each other lovingly1 with a view to find how much of truth and goodness they could find in each other1 that they could not find in themselves1 and how much of error and imperfection they could find in themselves1 that they did not find in others4 ,i saw that no ,church had got all the truth1 or all the goodness1 and that no ,church was free from anti-christian errors and defects4 ,i saw that to make a perfect ,christian creed1 we should have to take something out of every creed1 and leave other things in every creed behind2 and that to secure a perfect exhibition of ,christian virtue1 and a perfect system of ,christian operations1 we should have to borrow from each other habits1 customs1 rules and machinery in the same way1 and leave parts of our own to fall into disuse4 ,and ,i was willing to act on this principle4 ,i saw that ,christ and ,christianity were more and better than all the ,churches and all the creeds on earth put together1 and that all the ,churches had errors and faults or failings which ,christ and ,christianity had not2 and ,i had an idea that one of the grandest sights conceivable would be to set all the disciples of ,christ to work striving to get rid of everything anti-christian1 and to come as near to ,christ1 and to each other1 as possible1 both in truth and virtue4 ,but to proceed with my story4 ,i frequently spoke on religious subjects with my colleagues when we met1 along with the leading laymen1 at the houses of our friends4 ,some new book1 some particular sermon1 or some article in the magazine1 or perhaps the fulness of one's own mind with the subjects of one's studies1 would turn the conversation on the state of the ,church and the ministry1 and the need of improvement in the theological systems and dialects of the day1 and the manner of handling religious subjects generally1 both in the pulpit and through the press4 ,whatever the subject under consideration might be1 ,i expressed myself with the utmost freedom4 ,i stated my beliefs and disbeliefs1 my doubts and my convictions1 without the least reserve4 ,and ,i as readily gave my reasons for my views4 ,i was generally prepared with the passages of ,scripture bearing on the subjects introduced1 and gave them1 with my impressions of their meaning4 ,and ,i did my best to draw my colleagues and friends into a thorough investigation of every point1 in hopes that we might all come as near as possible in our views to a full conformity to the teachings of ,christ4 ,the results of these conversations1 and of my other labors1 were in some cases1 very satisfactory4 ,some were led to exercise their minds on religious subjects who had never troubled themselves about such matters before4 ,some that had been accustomed to think and read a little were led to think and read more1 and to better purpose4 ,some that had been helplessly and miserably perplexed had their minds put right1 and were delivered from their distresses4 ,some had their minds directed more seriously to the practical requirements of ,christianity1 and labored more1 and made more sacrifices1 for the prosperity of the ,church and the salvation of their fellow-men4 ,in considerable numbers the standard of ,christian knowledge and piety was raised1 and the general tone of the churches improved4 ,in other cases the results were of a very different character4 ,during the early years of my religious life ,i supposed that all professing ,christians1 and especially all ministers of the ,gospel1 were anxious to be as wise and good as possible1 and that they would be delighted1 as ,i was myself1 to get any new1 or larger1 or clearer views of truth and duty4 ,i judged of others by myself1 and gave them credit for the same desires and longings that swelled my own soul4 ,i gave them credit too for unlimited capacities to take in and appreciate the truth1 and for any amount of ability to use it1 when received1 in doing good to others4 ,i had seldom any difficulty in understanding them2 and it never entered my mind that they would have much difficulty in understanding me4 ,and ,i never felt myself even tempted1 much less disposed1 to misrepresent the words or sentiments of my friends1 or to take advantage of the freedom with which they spoke1 to injure them in the estimation of their friends4 ,i had no intolerance myself1 so far as ,i can recollect1 and ,i had no disposition to cause intolerance in others towards my brethren4 ,how it was with my brethren ,i will not undertake to say1 but1 as a person with any knowledge of human nature would have anticipated1 ,i was greatly misunderstood and misrepresented4 ,some of my colleagues and friends were in a maze with regard to my views and intentions4 ,shut up within the narrow confines of some old stereotyped form of faith or fancy into which they had been born1 or into which they had been brought they knew not how1 and afraid to change or modify one iota of their blind belief1 investigation1 search after truth1 enlargement of thought1 or change of sentiment1 was with them out of the question4 ,the very idea of anything differing from their own traditionary or haphazard belief was1 in the estimation of some of them1 no less than heresy1 treason1 or infidelity4 ,others1 who were not so much benighted1 were afraid to venture on a free examination of religious matters1 or a careful comparison of their views with the teachings of ,scripture4 ,some trusted in their elders1 and feared no error so long as they kept in the track of their predecessors4 ,i am not certain that ,i should go too far if ,i were to say1 that some were under the influence of worldly and selfish motives1 and were resolved to take the course which promised to be most conducive to a quiet1 easy1 self-indulgent life4 ,there were some whose conversations left this impression on my mind4 ,one young minister1 when ,i was pointing out to him some inconsistency between a statement he had made and the teachings of ,christ1 put an end to the conversation by saying1 ,i don't want to hear anything about such matters2 ,i know what is expected of a minister of the ,methodist ,new ,connexion1 and ,i am resolved to be one2 and ,i shall just hold the doctrines necessary to keep me in the office1 and nothing else4 ,and ,i suppose he did not stand alone4 ,some lacked the power to think4 ,they were all but mindless4 ,whatever they might be able to do in reference to worldly matters1 they were unable to think1 to compare doctrine with doctrine1 or to reason in any respect whatever on religious matters4 ,one young man1 a candidate for the ministry1 told me that he never had thought matters over in his own mind1 but taken what came in his way in books or sermons1 never troubling himself1 or finding himself able1 to do more than to remember and to repeat what he heard or read4 ,he had not the faculty to compare the sayings of men with the sayings of ,god2 or the sayings of one man with the sayings of another4 ,he was a mere dealer in words and phrases1 and he aspired to nothing higher than to live by the ignoble occupation4 ,how many of those with whom ,i came in contact1 and in whose society ,i poured forth so freely the thoughts of my mind1 were of the same stamp1 ,i do not know4 ,i never tested any other person so thoroughly as ,i tested him4 ,there were others1 however1 that had been fashioned in a similar mould4 ,others with whom ,i conversed had thought1 and had embraced certain views believing them to be true2 but they had fallen under the influence of teachers and books of a different cast from those by which my own mind had been chiefly influenced4 ,and they had been led to fix their thoughts almost exclusively on one particular class of ,scripture passages1 and to neglect or overlook other portions of the sacred volume1 though much more numerous1 and much more clear in their meaning4 ,they had also been led to adopt certain interpretations of the passages on which their attention had been specially fixed1 which a consideration of other passages of ,scripture had led me to reject4 ,thus our minds had run into different moulds1 and taken different forms4 ,we differed not only on certain points of doctrine1 but in our tastes1 and in our rules of judging4 ,the consequence was1 that we could never talk long on religious subjects without getting into a dispute1 or coming to a dead stand4 ,to make matters worse1 this class of people had been led to believe that their peculiar notions were the essential doctrines of the ,gospel1 and that those who did not believe them could not be ,christians4 ,when therefore they found that ,i looked upon their theories as erroneous and unscriptural1 they pronounced me at once an erratic and dangerous man4 ,i imagined1 at first1 that ,i could bring these people to see things in a different light4 ,i had such faith in the power of plain ,scripture passages1 and in the force of common sense1 and was so ignorant of the power of prejudice1 and of peculiarities of mental constitution1 that ,i conversed and reasoned with them with the greatest freedom and the utmost confidence4 ,but ,i found at length that my expectations were vain4 ,i was conversing once with a colleague who belonged to this class1 on man's natural proneness to evil4 ,he was one of the best and most enlightened of that school of theologians1 and he regarded me at the time with very kindly feelings4 ,and we were agreed as to the fact of man's natural tendency to evil1 but he had been led to rest his belief in the doctrine on somewhat different grounds from those on which my belief rested4 ,and this was enough4 ,he quoted the passage from ,isaiah1 ,the whole head is sick1 and the whole heart faint3 from the crown of the head1 to the sole of the foot1 there is no soundness1 but wounds and bruises and putrefying sores4 ,do you think that the ,prophet refers in that passage to man's natural proneness to evil8 said ,i4 ,what can he refer to else8 said he4 ,i have been accustomed to regard the words as a figurative description of the miserable state of the ,israelites under the terrible judgments of ,god1 ,i replied4 ,he instantly became red in the face1 and said1 ,do you mean to deny the natural depravity of man8 ,i said1 ,the question is not about the doctrine1 but only about the meaning of that particular passage4 ,but all was in vain4 ,i had roused his suspicions and his anger1 and the conversation came at once to an end1 and he never afterwards regarded me with the same degree of confidence and friendliness as before4 ,on another occasion a brother minister quoted1 as proof that men in their unregenerate state cannot do anything towards their own salvation1 the words of ,jeremiah1 already once referred to1 ,can the ,ethiopian change his skin1 or the leopard his spots8 ,do you really think1 said ,i1 that the ,prophet is speaking1 in those words1 of men generally8 ,what else is he speaking of8 was the answer4 ,he seems to me to be speaking of a particular class of men1 who have been so long accustomed to do wrong1 that they have lost the power to do right--having made themselves the helpless slaves of their evil habits4 ,he is not1 ,i think1 speaking of the state into which they were born2 but of the state to which they had reduced themselves by long persistence in sin4 ,hence he says at the conclusion of the passage1 ',then may ye1 who are accustomed to do evil1 do well4' ,oh6 ,i suppose you deny the doctrine of natural depravity4 ,no1 ,i do not1 said ,i4 ,it is no use saying that1 he replied1 when you explain away the passages of ,scripture in which the doctrine is taught4 ,such encounters between me and my brethren were at one time by no means uncommon4 ,they took place at almost every meeting4 ,the result was often unpleasant4 ,my brethren generally did not like to be disturbed in their notions1 or in their way of talking4 ,but few1 if any of them1 were prepared or disposed to enter on the investigations necessary to enable them to ascertain what was the truth on the points on which we were accustomed to converse4 ,some had not the power to revise their creeds and their way of talking and preaching1 and bring them into harmony with ,scripture and common sense4 ,and people of this class were sure to look on all who did not see things in the same light as themselves1 as dangerous or damnable heretics4 ,they1 of course1 concluded that ,i was not sound in the faith4 ,they felt that ,i was a troublesome1 and feared that ,i was a lost and ruined man4 ,the remarks which ,i made to them1 they repeated to their friends2 and as they seldom succeeded in understanding me properly1 their reports were generally incorrect4 ,in some cases my statements were reported with important additions1 and in others with serious alterations1 and in some cases their meaning was entirely changed4 ,and the change was seldom to my advantage4 ,a difference of expression between me and my brethren was mistaken for a difference of belief2 and the disuse of an unscriptural word1 was mistaken for a renunciation of a ,christian doctrine4 ,a dispute about the eternal sonship was mistaken for a dispute about the divinity of ,christ1 and a difference of opinion about the meaning of a passage of ,scripture1 came to be reported as the denial of ,christ's authority4 ,in one case ,i gave it as my judgment that there were really righteous people on earth when ,christ came into the world1 and that it was to such that ,christ referred1 when ,he said1 ,he came not to call the righteous1 but sinners to repentance4 ,this was made into an assertion that the coming of ,christ was unnecessary4 ,inability to accept unauthorized definitions and unscriptural theories of ,scriptural doctrines1 was construed into a denial of those doctrines4 ,my endeavor to strip religious subjects of needless mystery1 was represented as an attempt to substitute a vain philosophy for the ,gospel of ,christ4 ,an expression of dissatisfaction with a grandiloquent but foolish and mischievous sermon on the ,cross of ,christ1 was set down as a proof that my views on the sacrifice of ,christ were not evangelical4 ,my endeavors to show that ,christianity was in harmony with reason1 were mistaken for an attempt to substitute reason for faith1 and became the occasion of a rumor that ,i was running into ,pelagianism or ,socinianism4 ,my own conviction was1 that ,i was coming nearer to the simplicity1 the purity1 and the fulness of the ,gospel2 and that is my conviction still4 ,and those of my brethren in the ministry who were in advance of the rest in point of intelligence and piety1 and who were least infected with foolish fear and jealousy1 expressed to me their satisfaction with my views and proceedings4 ,and the people listened to my discourses with the greatest delight4 ,they flocked to hear me in crowds2 and the crowds continually increased4 ,and many were benefited under my ministry4 ,sinners were converted1 and believers were comforted1 and stimulated to greater efforts in the cause of ,god4 ,to those1 however1 who had come to believe that ,i was drifting towards heresy1 all this was the occasion of greater alarm1 and my great success and growing popularity led them to make increasing efforts to lessen my influence1 or silence me altogether4 ,their conduct caused me great uneasiness1 and it was this that first awakened in me unhappy feeling towards them4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,a ,,second ,,tendency4 ,,practical ,,preaching4 ,i had a second powerful tendency which helped to get me into trouble1 and so became an occasion of unhappy feeling1 namely1 a practical tendency4 ,this was bred in me4 ,it was a family peculiarity2 it ran in the blood4 ,my father had it4 ,religion with him was goodness of heart and goodness of life2 fearing ,god and working righteousness2 loving ,god and keeping ,his commandments4 ,and his belief and life were one4 ,i never knew a more conscientious or godly man4 ,and ,i never knew a man who could more truly have uttered the words of the ,psalmist3 ,lord1 my heart is not haughty1 nor mine eyes lofty2 neither do ,i exercise myself in great matters1 or in things too high for me4 ,surely ,i have behaved and quieted myself as a child that is weaned of its mother2 my soul is even as a weaned child4 ,what ,god had left mysterious1 he was willing should remain so2 he found sufficient to meet his wants and to occupy his thoughts in what ,he had clearly revealed4 ,he never troubled either himself or his children with those incomprehensible subjects on which many people are so prone to speculate and dogmatize4 ,he read but few books1 and those which he read he carefully compared with the sacred ,scriptures4 ,the ,bible was his only authority1 and by it he tested both books and preachers1 receiving nothing but what he saw and felt to be in harmony with its spirit and teachings4 ,he liked ,bunyan1 especially his ,pilgrim's ,progress2 and he liked ,wesley2 but he liked the ,bible best4 ,there were no bounds to his love and reverence for the ,scriptures4 ,he regarded them as the perfection of all wisdom1 the true and perfect unfolding of the mind and will of ,god4 ,he read them every morning on his knees1 before the rest of the family were up4 ,whatever might be the calls of business1 he spent a full hour in this exercise4 ,he read them every noon to his family4 ,he read them at night before retiring to rest4 ,he read them with a sincere desire to learn ,god's will1 and with earnest prayer for ,divine help to enable him to do it4 ,he read them till all the plainer and more practical portions were safely lodged in his memory1 and deeply engraven on his heart4 ,he read them till their teachings became a part of his very nature1 and shone forth in his character in all the beauty of holiness4 ,he was a thorough ,christian4 ,the oracles of ,god were the rule both of his faith and conduct4 ,they leavened his whole soul4 ,they mingled with all his conversation4 ,they were his only counsellors and his chief comforters4 ,they were his law1 his politics1 his philosophy1 his morals4 ,they were his treasure and his song4 ,and he received their teachings in their simple1 obvious1 common-sense meaning4 ,he had quite a distaste for commentaries1 because they would not allow the ,scriptures to speak forth their own solemn meaning in their own plain1 artless way4 ,he hated the notes to ,bunyan's ,pilgrim's ,progress for the same reason4 ,he could understand the ,bible1 but he could not understand the explanations of it given by theologians4 ,he would not study theology4 ,he would study the ,bible and ,christ2 he would study precepts and promises1 exhortations and warnings1 examples and historics2 but not theology4 ,and he never bothered us with theology4 ,there was no theology in his conversation4 ,there was none in his prayers4 ,he never used theological terms4 ,in all he said on religious matters1 whether to ,god or man1 he used the simplest ,bible terms4 ,he seldom talked much to his children about religion2 he taught us more by his deeds and spirit than by words2 but when he did say anything to us on the subject1 it was the pure1 unadulterated ,word of ,god4 ,the idea of making us theologians1 in the ordinary sense of the word1 never entered into his head4 ,he wished us to think and feel and act like ,christians1 and that was all2 and the end of all his counsels and labors was to furnish us unto every good word and work4 ,if he had written a system of divinity1 he would have left out most of the things which many put into such books1 and put in many which most leave out4 ,it would have been a book to help people to live right and feel right1 and not to dream1 or speculate1 or wrangle4 ,if he had been a preacher1 he would have filled his sermons with the living words of ,moses and the ,prophets1 of ,christ and ,his ,apostles1 and pressed them on the consciences of his hearers with all his might4 ,he would often have reasoned of righteousness1 temperance1 and a judgment to come1 but never troubled his hearers with human theories of ,christian doctrines4 ,the drift and scope of his sermons to the ungodly would have been1 ,cease to do evil2 learn to do well4 ,let the wicked forsake his way1 and the unrighteous man his thoughts1 and let him return unto the ,lord1 and ,he will have mercy upon him2 and to our ,god1 for ,he will abundantly pardon4 ,repeat and be converted1 every one of you1 that your sins may he blotted out4 ,the substance of his sermons to believers would have been1 ,i beseech you therefore1 brethren1 by the mercies of ,god1 that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice1 holy1 acceptable unto ,god1 which is your reasonable service4 ,ye are not your own2 ye are bought with a price2 therefore glorify ,god with your bodies and your spirits1 which are ,his4 ,for ye were not redeemed with corruptible things1 such as silver and gold1 from your evil way of life received by tradition from your fathers2 but with the precious blood of ,christ2 who gave ,himself for you1 that ,he might redeem you from all iniquity1 and purify you unto ,himself a peculiar people1 zealous of good works4 ,be not deceived2 ,god is not mocked2 for whatsoever a man soweth1 that shall he also reap4 ,for he that soweth to the flesh1 shall of the flesh1 reap corruption2 but he that soweth to the ,spirit1 shall of the ,spirit reap life everlasting4 ,and let us not be weary in well-doing2 for in due season we shall reap1 if we faint not4 ,as we have therefore opportunity1 let us do good unto all men1 especially to those who are of the household of faith4 ,he would have spoken of the love of ,god1 and of the death of ,christ1 and of all the great moving facts and doctrines of the ,gospel2 but1 like the sacred writers1 he would have turned them all to practical account4 ,his aim in everything would have been to bring men into subjection to ,god's will1 and into full conformity with the teachings and character of ,christ4 ,my eldest brother was a minister1 and this was the character of his preaching4 ,his favorite books were ,baxter's works and the ,bible4 ,his favorite minister was ,william ,dawson1 one of the most practical1 earnest1 and common-sense preachers that ever occupied a pulpit4 ,like his father1 he kept scrupulously to the simple teachings of the ,scriptures1 and he was once charged with unsoundness in the faith1 because he would not be wise above what was revealed1 nor preach more than the ,gospel committed to him by ,christ4 ,it was the same with myself4 ,i looked on ,christianity1 from the first1 as a means of enlightening and regenerating mankind1 and changing them into the likeness of ,christ and of ,god4 ,in other words1 ,i regarded it as a grand instrument appointed by ,god1 for making bad men into good men1 and good men always better1 thus fitting them for all the duties of life1 and all the blessedness they were created to enjoy4 ,and ,i considered that the great business of a ,christian minister was to use it for those great ends4 ,and ,i think so still4 ,the ,bible is the most practical book under heaven1 and ,i cannot conceive how any one can read it carefully1 with a mind unbiased by prejudice or evil feeling1 without perceiving that its great object is to bring men to fear and love ,god1 and to make them perfect in every good work to do ,his will4 ,how any one can study ,christianity without perceiving that its design is to bring men into harmony with ,god1 both in heart and action1 and to make them steadfast1 immovable1 always abounding in the work of the ,lord1 is a mystery to me4 ,antinomianism is ,antichrist4 ,the preaching which tends to lessen men's sense of duty1 or to reconcile people to a selfish1 idle1 or useless life1 is contrary both to ,christianity and common sense4 ,and all interpretations of ,scripture which favor the doctrine that men have nothing to do but to believe and trust in ,christ1 are madness or impiety4 ,the impression which ,god seeks to make on our minds from the beginning of ,genesis to the end of ,revelation is1 that if we would have ,his favor and blessing1 we must do ,his will4 ,the whole ,bible is one great lesson of piety and virtue1 of love and beneficence4 ,christ is the ,author of eternal salvation to those only who obey ,him4 ,those who obey ,him not ,he will punish with everlasting destruction4 ,christ and ,his ,apostles agree that1 if we would see ,god and have eternal life1 we must be holy as ,god is holy1 merciful as our ,father in heaven is merciful1 righteous as ,christ was righteous2--that ,god1 who is love1 and ,christ1 who is ,god1 must dwell in us1 live in us1 work in us2--that carnal1 sinful self must die1 and grace reign in us through righteousness unto eternal life4 ,i know what can be said about doctrines2 but there are no doctrines in the ,scriptures at variance with the principle that ,god will render to every man according to his deeds1--that to them who by patient continuance in well-doing seek for glory1 honor1 and immortality1 ,he will give eternal life2 and that to them who are contentious1 and do not obey the truth1 but obey unrighteousness1 ,he will recompense indignation and wrath1 tribulation and anguish4 ,nay1 the doctrines of ,scripture are employed throughout as motives and inducements to righteousness4 ,this is their use4 ,the truth is taught us that it may make us free from sin1 and sanctify both our hearts and lives to ,god4 ,the ,word of ,god1 the doctrine of ,christ1 is sown in our hearts as seed in the ground1 that it may bring forth in our lives the fruits of righteousness4 ,the office of faith in ,christ and ,his doctrine is1 to work by love1 to make us new creatures1 and so bring us to keep ,god's commandments4 ,the blindest man on earth is not more blind than the man who can read the ,scriptures without perceiving that their object is to make men perfect1 thoroughly furnished unto all good works4 ,as ,i had never been placed for instruction under any ,antinomian theologian1 and had never been taught at home1 either by word or deed1 to wrest the ,scriptures from their plain and simple meaning1 ,i naturally became a thoroughly practical preacher4 ,i took practical texts3 ,i preached practical sermons4 ,the first text from which ,i preached was1 ,say ye to the righteous1 it shall be well with them1 for they shall eat the fruit of their doings4 ,wo unto the wicked1 it shall be ill with him2 for the reward of his hands shall be given him4 ,the second was1 ,blessed are the pure in heart1 for they shall see ,god4 ,the third was1 ,ye are not your own2 ye are bought with a price2 therefore glorify ,god with your bodies and spirits1 which are ,god's4 ,and the fourth was1 ,these shall go away into everlasting punishment2 but the righteous into life eternal4 ,the following were among my principal texts and subjects for many years3 ,occupy till ,i come4 ,let your light so shine before men1 that they may see your good works1 and glorify your ,father which is in heaven4 ,herein is my ,father glorified1 that ye bear much fruit4 ,he that showeth mercy with cheerfulness4 ,be ye therefore merciful1 as your ,father which is in heaven is merciful4 ,he that winneth souls is wise4 ,train up a child in the way he should go1 and when he is old he will not depart from it4 ,the ,good ,samaritan4 ,the ,prodigal ,son4 ,the ,barren ,fig-tree4 ,the ,hatefulness and ,wickedness of ,lukewarmness4 ,the ,woman that did what she could4 ,the ,christian's ,race4 ,the ,good ,steward4 ,the duty of ,christians to strive with one heart and one mind for the faith of the ,gospel4 ,the example of ,christ4 ,give no occasion to the adversary to preach reproachfully4 ,and now abideth faith1 hope1 charity1 these three2 but the greatest of these is charity4 ,therefore1 my beloved brethren1 be ye steadfast1 unmovable1 always abounding in the work of the ,lord1 forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the ,lord4 ,for ,i am not ashamed of the gospel of ,christ3 for it is the power of ,god unto salvation3 to every one that believeth3 to the ,jew first1 and also to the ,greek4 ,i must work the works of ,him that sent me1 while it is day3 the night cometh1 when no man can work4 ,for ye know the grace of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ1 that1 though ,he was rich1 yet for your sakes ,he became poor1 that ye through ,his poverty might be rich4 ,as we have therefore opportunity1 let us do good unto all men1 especially unto them who are of the household of faith4 ,be not deceived2 ,god is not mocked3 for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap4 ,for he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption2 but he that soweth to the ,spirit shall of the ,spirit reap life everlasting4 ,brethren1 if a man be overtaken in a fault1 ye which are spiritual restore such an one1 in the spirit of meekness2 considering thyself lest thou also be tempted4 ,and let us not be weary in well doing3 for in due season we shall reap1 if we faint not4 ,feed ,my sheep4 ,feed ,my lambs4 ,bear ye one another's burdens1 and so fulfil the law of ,christ4 ,remember the poor4 ,freely ye have received2 freely give4 ,it is more blessed to give than to receive4 ,i had quite a multitude of such subjects4 ,i did not however confine myself to these4 ,i did my best to declare the whole counsel of ,god4 ,i kept back nothing that seemed likely to be useful to my hearers4 ,i spoke on the love of ,god1--on the condescension of ,christ1--of ,his unparalleled love in giving ,himself a sacrifice for our salvation4 ,i spoke of ,his sufferings and death1--of ,his resurrection and mediation1--of ,his sympathy with our sorrows1--of ,his coming to judgment4 ,i spoke of the miseries of sin1--of the pleasures of religion1--of the joys of heaven1--of the pains of hell1--of providence1 and of trust in ,god4 ,in short1 ,i preached on every great doctrine of revelation as ,i had opportunity4 ,i revered all ,god's truth1 and ,i preached on every part of it with fidelity4 ,but ,i treated everything in a practical way4 ,i used every subject as a means or motive to holiness and usefulness4 ,and this1 ,i believe1 was right4 ,the ,apostles did so1--,christ did so1--and they are the ,christian minister's examples4 ,i had a partiality for practical books4 ,as ,i have already said1 among my favorite ,english authors were ,hooker1 and ,baxter1 and ,barrow1 and ,howe1 and ,jeremy ,taylor1 and ,penn1 and ,tillotson1 and ,law4 ,baxter stood first1 and my favorite books were his ,christian ,directory1 his ,life of ,faith1 his ,crucifixion of the ,world by the ,cross of ,christ1 and his ,directions for ,settled ,peace of ,conscience4 ,but1 in truth1 it is hard to say which of his works ,i did not regard as favorites4 ,i liked his ,catholic ,theology1 his ,aphorisms on ,justification1 his ,confessions1 and even his ,latin ,methodus ,theologiae4 ,i read him everlastingly4 ,i read ,law and ,barrow too1 till ,i almost knew many of their works by heart4 ,i studied ,penn from beginning to end4 ,and ,i never got tired of reading ,hooker4 ,i regarded his ,ecclesiastical ,polity as one of the richest1 sweetest1 wisest1 saintliest books under heaven4 ,my favorite ,french authors were ,massillon1 ,fenelon1 ,flechier1 ,bourdaloue and ,saurin1 all practical preachers4 ,massillon moved me most4 ,i have read him now at intervals for more than forty years1 and ,i read him still with undiminished profit and delight4 ,he is the greatest of all preachers2 the most eloquent1 the most powerful2 and his works abound with the grandest1 the profoundest1 the most impressive and overpowering views of truth and duty4 ,among the ,fathers ,i liked ,lactantius and ,chrysostom best1 not only for the superiority of their style1 but for the common sense and practical character of their sentiments4 ,my favorite ,methodist author1 when ,i first began my ,christian career1 was ,benson4 ,his sermons were full of fervor and power4 ,i felt less interest in ,wesley at first4 ,i was incapable of duly appreciating his works4 ,as ,i grew older1 and got more sense1 my estimate both of his character and writings rose1 and now ,i like him better1 and esteem him more highly1 than at any former period of my life4 ,and ,i like his latest writings best4 ,i liked ,fletcher very much1 partly on account of the good1 kind ,christian feeling that pervaded his writings1 and partly on account of his able and unanswerable defence of the enlightened and scriptural views of ,wesley1 as set forth in the ,minutes of #agga4 ,among the later ,dissenting writers1 ,robert ,hall was my favorite4 ,i liked many things in the writings of ,john ,angell ,james2 but there were other things1 especially in his ,anxious ,inquirer1 that appeared to savor more of mysticism than of ,christianity1 and that seemed better calculated to perplex and embarrass young disciples of ,christ1 than to afford them guidance and comfort4 ,there were many other good authors whom ,i read and prized1 but most of the above ,i read till their thoughts and feelings became1 to a great extent1 my own2 and the effect of all was to strengthen the already strong practical tendency of my mind4 ,but no book did so much to make me a practical preacher as the ,bible4 ,it is practical throughout--intensely practical1 and nothing else but practical4 ,the moment it introduces man to our notice1 it presents him as subject to ,god's law1 and represents his life and blessedness as depending entirely on his obedience4 ,god is presented from the first as an avenger of sin1 and as a rewarder of them that diligently seek ,him4 ,in ,his address to ,cain ,he sets forth the whole principle of ,his government3 ',if thou doest well1 shalt thou not be accepted8 ,but if thou doest not well1 sin lieth at the door4' ,enoch is translated because he walked with ,god4 ,the world is destroyed because of its wickedness1 and ,noah is saved because of his righteousness4 ,abraham is blessed because he observes the statutes and judgments of ,god1 and because he is ready to make the greatest sacrifices out of respect to ,his commands4 ,the sum of the whole revelation given to the ,jews is1 ,behold ,i set before you life and death1 a blessing and a curse4 ,obey1 and all conceivable blessings shall be your portion3 disobey1 and all imaginable curses shall fall on you4 ,the history of the ,jews is an everlasting story of obedience and prosperity1 of disobedience and adversity4 ,the history of individuals is the same4 ,the just live2 the wicked die4 ,the good are honored2 the bad are put to shame4 ,the ,psalms1 the ,proverbs1 and the ,prophets are all lessons of righteousness4 ,righteousness exalteth nations2 sin brings them down to destruction4 ,and ,jesus and ,paul1 and ,peter and ,james1 and ,jude and ,john1 have all one aim1 to bless men by turning them away from their iniquities1 and by urging them to perpetual advancement in holiness4 ,all the histories1 all the biographies1 all the prophecies1 all the parables1 all the preaching1 all the praying1 all the writing1 all the reasoning1 all the things the ,book contains1 have just one object1 to make men good1 and urge them to grow continually better4 ,all the doctrines are practical1 and are used as motives to purity1 love and beneficence4 ,all the promises are given to support and cheer people in the faithful discharge of their duty4 ,all the warnings are to keep men from idleness1 selfishness and sin4 ,the ,church and all its ministries2 the ,scriptures and all their revelations2 ,providence and all its dispensations2 nature and all her operations1 are all presented as means and motives to a life of holy love and usefulness4 ,the ,bible has nothing1 is nothing1 but laws and lessons1 aiming at the illumination1 the sanctification1 the moral and spiritual perfection of mankind4 ,idleness and selfishness are the greatest of all heresies1 and love and beneficence the perfection of all religion4 ,no doctrine can be falser or more anti-christian than the doctrine that a man may sow one thing and reap another2 that he may sow tares and reap wheat2 or sow cockle and reap barley--that he can grow thistles and reap figs1 or plant thorns and gather grapes4 ',he that doeth good is of ,god2' 'he that committeth sin is of the devil4' ',by this we know that we have passed from death unto life1 because we love the brethren4' ',by this shall all men know that ye are my disciples1 if ye have love one to another4' ',ye know that every one that doeth righteousness1 or lives to do good1 is born of ,god4' ',by their fruits ye shall know them4' ,good trees will bring forth good fruit1 bad trees will bring forth bad fruit4 ',every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit shall be hewn down and cast into the fire4' ,but to give all the practical passages the ,bible contains you must quote the substance1 the soul1 the bulk of the whole ,book4 ,it is all of a piece4 ,it has one aim and one tendency from beginning to end1 to kill sin and foster righteousness1 to crush selfishness and develop philanthropy4 ,it consists of a multitude of parts1 written in different ages1 by a great variety of authors1 in a great variety of styles1 but it has one spirit1 the spirit of truth and righteousness4 ,and the last oracles it contains are like the first3 ',blessed are the dead that die in the ,lord2 they rest from their labors1 and their works follow them4' ',blessed are they that do ,his commandments1 that they may have a right to the tree of life1 and enter in through the gates into the city4' ,under the influence of this most rational1 common-sense1 practical ,book1 what could ,i do but become a thoroughly practical preacher8 ,what could ,i do but drink in its blessed1 god-like lessons1 and make it the great business of my life to teach them and preach them to my hearers1 and urge them on their consciences as the governing principles of their hearts and lives8 ,the book of nature preaches the same practical ,gospel as the ,bible4 ,there is not a creature on earth that is not required to work4 ,birds1 beasts and insects must all labor1 or die4 ,the birds must build their nests1 and gather supplies of food for themselves and their young1 or they would all perish4 ,the cattle must graze1 or browse1 or burrow1 or dive1 or lack their needed supplies of food4 ,the beaver must build its dam1 and the wolf must dig its hole1 and both must labor for their daily food4 ,the bee must gather her wax1 and build her cell1 and fetch home her honey1 or starve4 ,the ant must build her palace and look out for food both for herself and her family4 ,the spider must spin her thread1 and weave her web1 and watch all day for her prey4 ,all seek their food from ,god1 and obtain it at his hands as the reward of their industry4 ,every organ in man's body has to work1 or the body1 with all its organs1 would die4 ,the lungs must be continually breathing1 and the heart incessantly beating1 and the blood perpetually running its mysterious round1 or the whole frame would perish4 ,and the hands must work1 and the feet must walk1 and the eyes must look1 and the ears must listen1 and the tongue must talk4 ,and the jaws must grind our food1 and the stomach digest it1 and the liver and the spleen1 and the brain and the bowels1 and the nerves and the glands must all co-operate1 or we hasten to the dust4 ,and so it is through every department of nature4 ,all things are full of labor4 ,the vegetable world serves the animal world1 and the animal world serves the vegetable world1 and the mineral and meteorological worlds serve them both4 ,and the branches of the tree shed their leaves to feed the roots1 and the roots collect moisture and nutriment from the soil to feed the branches and the leaves4 ,and the clouds let fall their showers1 and the sun sheds down his warmth and light1 and the more mysterious powers of nature exert their secret influences1 and all things are thus kept right4 ,and the winds keep ever in motion1 bearing away the surplus cold of one region to temper the excessive heat of another1 and carrying back the surplus heat of the warmer climes1 to soften the rigors of the colder ones4 ,and so throughout the universe4 ,there is not an idle orb in the whole heavens1 nor is there an idle atom on earth4 ,the sun the moon and the stars are in eternal motion1 and are evermore exerting their wondrous influences for the good of the whole universe4 ,and the streams are ever flowing1 and the sea is ever toiling4 ,the great things and the small1 the seen and the unseen1 the conscious and the unconscious1 are all at work1 helping themselves1 and serving each other1 and contributing with one consent to the welfare of the great mysterious whole4 ,nature's laws are so framed that idleness is everywhere punished1 and honest industry everywhere rewarded4 ,everywhere obedience is life1 and disobedience death4 ,salvation by works is the principle of the ,divine ,government throughout the universe1 among all the creatures of ,god4 ,my favorite preachers were ,william ,dawson1 ,david ,stoner and ,james ,parsons1 all eloquent and earnest men1 and all decidedly practical4 ,i never missed an opportunity of hearing them if they came within five or six miles of the place where ,i lived4 ,and many of their sermons which ,i heard more than forty years ago are still fresh in my memory1 and continue to exert a happy influence on my heart4 ,william ,dawson was a local preacher1 a farmer4 ,he was a large1 broad-chested1 big-headed1 strong built man1--one of the finest specimens of a well-made1 thoroughly developed ,englishman ,i ever saw4 ,and he was full of life4 ,there was not a sluggish atom in his whole body1 nor a slow-going faculty in his whole soul4 ,he had eyes like fire2 and his face was the most expressive ,i ever looked upon4 ,and his voice was loud as the fall of mighty waters4 ,and it was wonderfully flexible1 and full of music4 ,and he always spoke in natural tones4 ,there was nothing like cant or monotony in his utterance4 ,yet he would raise his voice to such a pitch at times that you could hear him half a mile away4 ,he was the most perfect actor ,i ever saw1 because he was not an actor at all1 but awful1 absolute reality4 ,and he was a man of wonderful intelligence and good sense4 ,and he was well read4 ,his mind was full to overflowing of the soundest religious knowledge4 ,and his good sound sense had no perceptible admixture of nonsense4 ,every sentence answered to your best ideas of the right1 the true1 the holy1 the divine4 ,his grammar1 his logic1 and his rhetoric were perfect1 and all nature seemed to stand by to supply him with apt1 and striking1 and touching illustrations4 ,and his soul was full of feeling4 ,he seemed to sympathize with every form of humanity1 from the helpless babe to tottering age1 and to be one with them in all their joys and sorrows1 and in all their hopes and fears4 ,and now he would cry with the crying child1 and then he would wail with the afflicted mother4 ,all that is great1 all that is tender1 all that is terrible1--all nature1 with all that is human1 and much that was divine1 seemed incarnated in him4 ,he was the most wonderful embodiment of all that goes to make a great1 a mighty1 a complete man1 and a good1 an able1 and an all-powerful preacher1 it ever was my privilege to see4 ,as a matter of course1 his prayers1 his sermons1 and his public speeches were irresistible4 ,sinners trembled1 and fell on their knees praying and howling4 ,saints shouted1 and lost themselves in transports4 ,his congregations were always crowded1 and the dense1 mixed masses of men and women1 good and evil1 old and young1 all were moved by him like the sea by a strong wind4 ,all understood him3 all felt him2 and all were awed and bowed as by the power of ,god4 ,his sermons were always practical4 ,whether he spake to the saint or the sinner1 he went directly to the conscience4 ,and all that he said you saw4 ,sin stared you full in the face and looked unspeakably sinful2 it rose and stood before you a monster group of all imaginable horrors and abominations4 ,the sinner shook1 he shrank1 he writhed at the sight1 in mortal agony4 ,god1 as ,dawson pictured ,him1 was terrible in majesty and infinite in glory4 ,jesus was the perfection of tenderness1 of love1 and power1 and almighty to save4 ,thousands were converted under him4 ,his influence pervaded the whole country1 and was everywhere a check on evil1 and a power for good4 ,the effect of his ministry on me1 on my imagination1 my mind and my heart1 was living and powerful to the last degree1 and ,i remember his sermons1 and feel his power1 to the present day1 and he will dwell in my memory1 to be loved and honored1 as long as ,i live4 ,david ,stoner was a travelling preacher4 ,he lived in the same village as ,william ,dawson1 and was a member of his class4 ,he was a disciple of ,dawson in every respect1 but in no respect a servile imitator4 ,he was a man and not a slave4 ,and he had much of ,dawson's sense1 and much of ,dawson's power1 though little or nothing of ,dawson's natural dramatic manner4 ,he was a fountain pouring forth a perpetual stream of truth and holy influence4 ,the two were one in love1 and light1 and power1 but in manner they differed as much as any two powerful preachers ,i ever knew4 ,both live in my soul1 and speak with my voice1 and write with my pen4 ,both had an influence in determining both the method of my preaching and the manner of my life in my early days4 ,james ,parsons was a ,congregationalist4 ,his character1 and the character of his preaching1 may be learned from his published sermons4 ,but1 strange to say1 the sermons published by himself1 are not near so good1 nor do they convey half so good an idea of his power1 as those reported by short-hand writers and published by others4 ,he was more1 and better1 and mightier in the pulpit1 before a large and living congregation1 than in his closet alone4 ,my remembrance of these three great and godly men1 and powerful ,christian ministers1 is a rich and eternal treasure4 ,i can never come near them1 but ,i may follow them1 as ,i did in the days of my youth1 ,afar off4 ,whether the strong practical tendency of my mind did not carry me too far sometimes1 and make my preaching somewhat one-sided1 ,i cannot say4 ,i may not be considered qualified to judge4 ,i have1 however1 an opinion on the subject4 ,my impression is1 that my method of preaching was thoroughly scriptural and evangelical4 ,and it was1 ,i believe1 the kind of preaching which the ,church and the world particularly needed4 ,it was1 too1 the kind of preaching to which ,i believe ,i was specially called1 and for which ,i was specially fitted4 ,it was the only kind in which ,i felt myself perfectly at home4 ,and the effects were good4 ,sinners were converted4 ,unbelievers were convinced4 ,and believers were improved and comforted4 ,they were led to read and study the ,scriptures more1 and to read and study them with greater pleasure1 and to greater profit4 ,they became more enamoured of ,christianity1 more zealous for its spread1 and more able in its defence4 ,and the societies among which ,i labored always prospered1 and those among which ,i labored most prospered most abundantly4 ,my labors proved especially useful to the young4 ,my classes were crowded with thoughtful1 earnest1 inquiring youths4 ,and those who fell under my influence became1 as a rule1 intelligent1 devoted1 and useful characters4 ,not a few of them continue laborious and exemplary ,christians1 and able and successful ministers1 to the present day4 ,i meet with good and useful people almost everywhere1 many of whom are in the ministry1 who acknowledge me as their spiritual father1 and consider themselves indebted to my former ministry1 and to my early writings1 both for their standing and usefulness in the ,church1 and for their success and happiness in life4 ,one would suppose that a method of preaching which was followed by such happy results1 should have been encouraged4 ,and so it was by the great mass of the people4 ,they heard me gladly4 ,they came in crowds wherever ,i was announced to preach1 and filled the largest chapels to their utmost capacity4 ,they drank in my words with eagerness1 and made no secret of the place ,i occupied in their affection and esteem4 ,but many of my brethren in the ministry regarded me with great disquietude4 ,they thought my preaching grievously defective4 ,it failed1 they said1 to give due prominence to the distinctive features of the gospel economy4 ,it is good1 they would say1 as far as it goes2 but it does not go far enough4 ,it is too vague1 too general4 ,his sermons are beautiful and good in their way1 but they are not the ,gospel4 ,they are true2 but they are not the whole truth4 ,there is not enough of ,christ in them4 ,we find fault with them1 not for what they contain1 but for what they do not contain4 ,true1 they make mention of the great facts and doctrines of ,christianity1 but they do not make enough of them2 they do not dwell on them as their constant theme4 ,they made many such complaints4 ,they charged me with winning from my hearers1 for a partial and defective view of the ,gospel1 the love and reverence which were due only to a very different view4 ,they called me a legalist1 a work-monger1 and other offensive names4 ,they charged me too with spoiling the people1 with giving them a distaste for ordinary kinds of preaching1 and making it hard for other preachers to follow me4 ,the complaints they whispered in the ears of their friends soon found their way to mine4 ,i endeavored to justify myself by appeals to ,scripture1 to ,wesley1 and to other authorities4 ,it would have been better perhaps if ,i had kept silent and gone quietly on with my work4 ,but some of my friends thought otherwise4 ,they wished to be furnished with answers to my traducers1 and so constrained me to speak4 ,my defence only led to renewed and more violent attacks4 ,my opponents could not think well of my style of preaching1 without thinking ill of their own4 ,they could not acknowledge my method to be evangelical1 without confessing their own to be grievously defective1 and to have expected them to do that would have been the extreme of folly4 ,they could do no other therefore than regard me as a dangerous man1 and do what they could to bring my preaching and sentiments into suspicion1 and prepare the way for my exclusion from the ministry4 ,this was the second cause of the unhappy feeling which took possession of my mind4 ,a few quotations from a ,journal written about this time may be of use and interest here4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,extracts ,,from ,,my ,,diary4 ,i heard ,t4 ,batty yesterday4 ,his text was1 ,come unto ,me all ye that labor1 and are heavy-laden1 and ,i will give you rest4 ,he urged people to come to ,christ1 but he never told them what it was to come to ,him4 ,we cannot come to ,him literally now1 as people did when ,he was on earth2 but we can leave all other teachers and guides1 and renounce the dominion of our appetites and passions1 and put ourselves under ,his teaching and government4 ,in other words1 we can become ,christians2 we can learn ,christ's doctrine and obey it1 and1 thus obeying1 trust in ,him for salvation4 ,but ,mr4 ,batty said not a word about this4 ,he talked as if all that people had to do1 was to roll themselves on ,christ1 or cast themselves on ,him just as they were4 ,he made all the passages about bringing forth fruits meet for repentance1--hearing ,christ's words and doing them1--denying ourselves and taking up our cross1--using our talents1 working in ,his cause1 c41 of no effect4 ,he said1 ,come just as you are4 ,if you tarry till you are better1 you will never come at all2 which seems to me1 neither ,scripture nor common sense4 ,to come to ,christ1 in the proper sense of the words1 is to become better2--it is to cease to live to ourselves and sin1 and to live to ,god4 ,hence ,christ1 in connection with ,mr4 ,batty's text says1 ,take my yoke upon you1 and learn of ,me1 for ,i am meek1 and lowly in heart1 and ye shall find rest unto your souls4 ,the meaning of this is1 give up the service of self and sin1 and serve me4 ,take me for your pattern1 and be as ,i am1 and live as ,i live4 ,but he never noticed the latter part of the passage4 --,what a blessed thing it is to have so many good books6 ,they are a world of comfort to me1 as well as a means of ever-increasing spiritual good4 ,and they are evermore startling and delighting me with striking oracles of ,christian truth4 ,here is one from ,baxter4 ,every truth of ,god is appointed to be ,his instrument1 to do some holy work upon your heart6 ,charity is the end of truth4 ,here is another3 ,the ,gospel is a seal1 on which is engraven the portrait1 the likeness of ,christ4 ,our hearts are the wax1 on which the seal should be impressed1 and to which the likeness should be transferred4 ,the duty of ministers and of all religious teachers is to apply the seal to men's hearts1 that all may be brought to bear the image1 the likeness of ,christ4 --,i always placed the moral element of religion above the doctrinal2 charity above faith2 good living above any kind of opinions4 --,this afternoon ,mr4 ,burrows preached on ,mary's choice1 but he left the matter in a mist4 ,he talked about sitting at ,christ's feet1 but did not say what it meant4 ,we cannot do that literally now2 but we can do what amounts to the same thing4 ,we can read ,christ's words in the ,gospels1 as ,mary heard them from ,his lips2 and we can do as ,he bids us1 and look to ,him for all we need4 ,and this1 in truth1 is the one thing needful4 ,but he did not put the matter in this light4 ,he probably did not see it in this light4 ,he would have been afraid perhaps to receive or to give so simple an explanation of the matter4 ,i had a talk with ,mr4 ,woodhouse last night1 about man's natural state4 ,he preached on the subject on ,tuesday night1 and said things which1 to me1 seemed unwarranted4 ,he said men can do nothing good1 till they are regenerated4 ,is that your idea8 said ,i4 ,of course4 ,are they not dead8 ,and what can dead men do8 ,i suppose they can do as ,god bids them1 ,arise from the dead4 ,you spoke of the result of ,adam's sin1 but you said nothing of the effect of the second ,adam's doings4 ,now ,i believe that we are put in as good a position by ,christ1 for serving ,god and obtaining heaven1 as we should have been if ,adam had not sinned4 ,i believe men have good thoughts1 good feelings1 and do good things1 before they are regenerated2 and that they are regenerated in consequence of their good thoughts1 good purposes1 and good deeds4 ,they consider their ways1 and turn to ,god4 ,they cease to do evil1 and learn to do well1 and so get washed4 ,they purify their hearts in obeying the truth4 ,they cleanse their hands and purify their hearts4 ,they come out from the ungodly1 and leave their ungodly ways1 and then ,god receives them4 ,they hear ,god's word or read it2 and faith comes by hearing and reading2 and faith works by love1 and makes them new creatures4 ,besides1 you know we could not help what ,adam did1 and you talked as if ,adam's sin made it impossible for us to do anything else but sin1 thus throwing the blame of the sins of all the unregenerate on ,adam2 and that is neither ,scriptural nor wise4 ,there are two tendencies in unregenerate people1 one to good1 and one to evil1 and it is their duty to resist the one and obey the other1 and thus to seek for regeneration4 ,that is as ,i understand the ,bible4 ,and ,i always try to make people believe and feel1 that if they do not get regenerated1 and keep ,god's commandments1 it is their own fault1 and neither ,adam's nor ,god's4 ,we talked nearly an hour1 but ,i fancy ,mr4 ,w4 did not seem to understand either me or the ,bible4 ,it is strange that people can't take ,god's word as it stands1 and content themselves with speaking as the oracles of ,god speak4 ,if we can't do anything but sin till we are regenerated1 who is to blame for our sin1 but ,he who neglects to regenerate us8 ,what horrible notions are mistaken by some for ,gospel8 ,send out1 ,o ,god1 thy light and truth2 let them lead me and guide me4 --,poor ,mr4 ,woodhouse is full of trouble4 ,he thinks me wrong1 but does not see how to put me right4 --,what a curious creature ,mr4 ,batty is4 ,how in the world did he come to be a preacher8 ,a stranger1 sillier talker ,i think ,i never heard4 ,i cannot say he is childish exactly4 ,children talk nonsense plenty sometimes1 but no child could talk the kind of nonsense ,mr4 ,batty talks4 ,last night his text was1 ,he shall baptize you with the ,holy ,ghost and with fire4 ,but he forgot the ,holy ,ghost1 and talked only about fire4 ,his object seemed to be to prove that fire would burn4 ,he mentioned several fires spoken of in the ,bible that did burn1 such as the fire that consumed ,sodom and ,gomorrah2 the fire that formed one of the plagues of ,egypt2 c41 but he came at length on the fire in the bush that ,moses saw1 and1 poor man1 he was obliged to acknowledge that that would not burn4 ,the bush was unconsumed4 ,he got away from that fire as soon as he could1 and found a number of other fires that did burn4 ,by and by however he came upon the burning fiery furnace of ,nebuchadnezzar4 ,this would burn some that were thrown into it1 but it would not burn others4 ,then he talked about the fire of ,moscow1 and said1 that that fire gave as much light to the moon1 as the moon gives to the earth1 and he added1 that the flames of the burning city made such a blaze1 that we might have seen it in ,england1 if it had not been for the hills4 ,and this is the talk that sensible people are expected to go and hear4 --,mr4 ,w4 preached one of ,mr4 ,melville's sermons last night4 ,it was a good one though1 and ,i had rather a man preached another man's good sense1 than his own nonsense4 ,and ,i had rather hear a good sermon read1 than a bad one spoken4 ,let us have good sound sense1 real ,christian doctrine1 and fervent ,christian love1 in the first place1 and then as many other good things as we can get4 ,but do let the children of ,god have good wholesome bread1 the bread of heaven1 and pure living water from the wells of salvation4 ,don't try to feed men's souls with chaff or chopped straw1 and don't give them mud or muddy water to drink4 --,heard ,mr4 ,hulme last night on ,the ,cross of ,christ4 ,the sermon was an attempt at fine preaching4 ,it was not to my taste4 ,the preacher did not seem to understand his subject4 ,what he said had nothing to do with the conscience or the heart4 ,it was talk1--tumid talk--high-swelling words1 nothing more4 --,heard ,mr4 ,allen preach on the ,flood4 ,he talked a deal about granite--labored hard to prove something2 but whether he succeeded or not1 ,i cannot exactly tell4 ,it was a great sermon and had little effect4 ,i did not feel much interest in it4 --,heard him preach another great sermon on ,isaiah's vision4 ,it amounted to nothing4 ,i prefer a simpler and more practical kind of preaching4 --,heard him preach another sermon on death by ,adam4 ,it was not so great nor so foolish as the others4 ,the logic was wearisome1 but the application was tolerable4 --,heard ,dr4 ,newton1 on preaching ,christ4 ,his views on the subject are very different from ,wesley's1 and as different from mine4 ,i have heard many silly sermons on the subject1 but not one wise one4 ,many seem to be afraid of being sensible on religious subjects4 ,they are wise enough on smaller matters2 it is only on the greatest that their understandings are at fault4 ,but the silliest preachers repeat good words in their sermons1 such as ,christ1 ,god1 love and heaven1 and these words no doubt call up good thoughts1 and revive good feelings in the minds of people1 so that the most pitiful preachers may be of some use4 ,but how much more useful would good1 sound1 sensible and truly ,christian preachers be1 who always talked plain ,christian truth1 and pressed it home in a loving1 ,christ-like spirit4 --,heard ,mr4 ,curtis last night4 ,his text and introduction were good2 but the sermon was good for nothing4 --,heard ,mr4 ,pea this afternoon4 ,the chief use of many preachers is to visit the members1 and stand at the head of the societies as centres of union4 ,they do not do much good by preaching4 --,god save me from error and sin4 ,lead me in the way of truth and righteousness4 ,i feel a dreadful contempt for some men's preaching4 ,save me from going too far4 ,but really1 to hear how careful some are to warn people against thinking too highly of good works1 one might suppose that the world and the ,church were going to be sent to perdition for too much piety and charity2 for doing too much good1 and making too many sacrifices for ,god and the salvation of the world4 ,o fools and blind1 not to see1 that selfishness1 idleness1 luxury1 pride1 worldliness1 slavery to fashion1 neglect of the ,bible1 ignorance and lukewarmness are the things which disgrace and weaken the ,church1 and hinder the salvation of mankind4 --,mr4 ,stoner preached powerfully last night4 ,he said all true ,christians would sigh and cry on account of the abominations that are done in the land1--that they would accompany their sighing and crying with ceaseless labors for the removal of those abominations1--that they would try to bring the world into the ,church1 and lift up the ,church to the standard exhibited in the life and character of ,christ1--that they would pray1 teach1 live and give1 and if needful1 suffer for this great end4 ,i have not heard such a practical1--such a truly ,christian ,gospel sermon for a long time4 --,i notice1 that in some men's mouths1 evangelical sermons mean theological sermons1--wood1 hay1 and stubble sermons1--sermons without any ,gospel in them2 and that sermons which are evangelical indeed1 they talk of as legal1 moral1 dry4 --,mr4 ,lynn preached on the fall of ,jericho yesterday4 ,it was quite a dramatic sermon1 and it was plainly interesting to the congregation4 ,i expect it was useful too4 ,there was not much ,christian truth in it1 but it stirred the people's better feelings4 ,it made them feel like doing something for ,god4 ,the nonsensical theology introduced would not be understood ,i hope4 --,heard ,mr4 ,t4 ,parsons preach a beautiful ,christian sermon on ,brethren1 if a man be overtaken in a fault1 ye which are spiritual1 restore such a one in the spirit of meekness1 considering thyself lest thou also be tempted4 ,bear ye one another's burdens1 and so fulfil the law of ,christ4 ,it was full of useful instruction and needful caution1 and it was uttered in a truly ,christian spirit4 ,it did me good4 --,heard ,mr4 ,scott on justification4 ,he ventured to speak as the oracles of ,god4 ,it was a thoroughly ,gospel and ,wesleyan sermon4 ,he was plainer than he is in his pamphlets on that subject4 ,i can't say he made the subject plain1 for it was plain already in the ,bible--but he left it plain1 and that is saying a great deal4 ,he said that the simple way for a man who believes in ,christ1 to obtain pardon and eternal life is1 to do ,god's will4 ,i distinguish between faith and trust2 faith is belief2 trust or hope is one of its fruits4 ,people believe in ,christ1 and turn to ,god2 then they trust in ,christ and find peace4 ,he did not state this point with sufficient clearness2 and that was the only defect ,i saw in the discourse4 ,how rich and how apt he is in ,scriptural quotations and illustrations6 ,i had rather hear one of his discourses1 than ten of ,mr4 ,allin's4 ,and ,i had rather hear ten of his1 than one of ,mr4 ,allin's4 ,i had rather hear one of ,mr4 ,allin's1 than ten2 and ,i had rather hear ten of ,mr4 ,scott's than one4 ,i could listen to ,mr4 ,scott the whole year round4 --,i have just been reading a big book1 nearly five hundred pages1 on the way of salvation4 ,the ,scriptures explain the way of salvation in less than a thousandth part the space4 ,repent and be converted1 that your sins may be blotted out2 that's the first thing3 ,be ye steadfast1 unmovable1 always abounding in the work of the ,lord3 that's the second4 ,these two include the whole way of salvation4 ,blessed is everyone that hears the word of ,god and keeps it4 ,this is both in one4 ,mystery makers would be a proper name for some theologians4 ,in the multitude of words there wanteth not sin2 and there's a fearful multitude of words1--idle words1 and mischievous ones too1--in that ,book4 ,when will vain words have an end8 --,mr4 ,hatman preached on instantaneous sanctification last night4 ,he was very confused1 and1 as ,i think1 inconsistent in his remarks2 and his arguing about the instantaneousness of sanctification seemed weak4 ,sanctification1 in ,scripture language1 means1 #a4 ,separation of things and persons from common uses1 and consecration to sacred uses4 #b4 ,purification4 ,a man is sanctified in the first sense when he ceases to do evil1 and begins to do well2 and he is sanctified in the second sense in proportion as he is freed from inward defilement1 from bad passions1 bad tempers1 bad dispositions1 bad tendencies1 and filled with love to ,god1 to ,christ1 to ,god's people1 to mankind at large1 and to all things true and good4 ,there is no mystery about sanctification4 ,people are sanctified by ,god's truth4 ,christ's doctrine enters the mind1 and is the means of changing both the disposition and the life4 ,men are sanctified by the ,spirit1 using the truth as its instrument4 ,they are sanctified by afflictions1 used by ,god as means to bring them to think on the truth1 and see its meaning1 and feel its power4 ,they are sanctified by faith1 which is a belief in the ,truth4 ,they are sanctified by their own efforts1 ,cleansing themselves from all filthiness1 both of the flesh and the spirit1 perfecting holiness in the fear of the ,lord4 ,for every one that hath this hope1--the ,christian hope of heaven1--in him1 purifieth himself even as ,god is pure4 ,all this is perfectly plain4 ,but where does the ,scripture say anything about people being wholly sanctified1 or perfected in goodness1 instantaneously1 by some particular act of faith8 ,but ,god can do it in an instant1 said ,mr4 ,hatman4 ,but it is not all ,god's work4 ,it is partly ours2 and it is partly the truth's4 ,can man purify himself as ,god is pure1 in an instant8 ,god could make a babe into a man in an instant1 for anything ,i know2 but that is not ,his way4 ,he allows it to grow gradually1 first by the use of milk and exercise1 and then by the use of stronger meat1 and greater labors4 ,and according to ,scripture1 this is ,his plan of bringing up spiritual babes to spiritual manhood4 ,god could make seed produce a crop instantaneously1 if ,he would1 ,i suppose2 but ,his plan is to let the grain grow and ripen gradually4 ,and it is ,his plan1 according to ,scripture1 to let the spiritual grain grow up and the spiritual harvest ripen gradually4 ,and it is better it should be so4 ,gradual growth in knowledge and goodness is most conducive1 ,i believe1 to the happiness of man4 ,i would not make a child into a man all at once if ,i could4 ,i would let him have the pleasure and the privilege of passing1 in the ordinary way1 through all the intermediate stages4 ,nor would ,i alter the arrangement with regard to spiritual growth4 ,it is best to learn a lesson at a time4 ,you might raise the dough quicker by gunpowder than by leaven or yeast2 but ,i prefer to see it raised in the ordinary way4 ,i am content to grow in grace and knowledge1 as people grow in strength and stature4 ,it is ,god's plan1 and ,i like it4 ,if anybody can pass from the gates of hell to the gates of heaven1 from the bottom of the horrible pit to the top of the delectable mountains at a jump1 let him2 ,i prefer to trudge with ordinary pilgrims1 and enjoy the pleasures of the journey1 and the beautiful scenery of the road1 at my leisure4 ,the ways are ways of pleasantness2 the paths are paths of peace2 and ,i enjoy them4 ,and ,i would not for the world1 make the impression on people's minds1 that they are in danger of perdition1 if they cannot skip across the universe from hell to heaven in no time4 ,god likes spiritual children as well as spiritual men1 though ,he would not have them to continue children4 ,why should preachers make things hard that ,god makes easy1 and require impossible tasks where ,god asks only a reasonable service8 ,some folks have little minds1 and some have crooked ones4 ,that's my view of the matter4 ,i am charged with rejecting ,god's truth4 ,the fact however is1 ,god's truth is the joy and rejoicing of my heart4 ,it is my pleasant food4 ,but ,i do not like some people's manglement of that truth1 and ,i sometimes think the manglers belong to the class of whom ,christ said1 ,it were good for those men if they had never been born4 ,they lay stumbling-blocks in men's ways1 and cause them to fall into doubt1 perplexity1 and misery4 ,i am a believer in sanctification1--full sanctification1--but ,i won't go beyond the ,bible in what ,i say1 either on this or any other point4 ,i will go as far as the ,bible1 but no farther4 --,christianity is love2 and love prompts to diligence in all good works4 ,to be a ,christian is to have the mind of ,christ2 but the mind of ,christ was a self-sacrificing mind4 ,he pleased not ,himself1 but lived and labored1 suffered and died1 for the welfare of mankind4 ,how seldom one hears a sermon on living for the good of others1--on loving our neighbors as ourselves1--on going about doing good4 ,i have read sermons on those subjects2 but ,i have not heard one for years4 ,i have heard charity sermons as they are called1 and missionary sermons1 into which a remark or two on doing good were thrown2 but a sermon on the subject ,i have not heard4 ,certain preachers talk about preaching ,christ1 but they preach any thing rather than ,christ4 --,i have just been reading a labored and foolish attempt to prove that ,abel was accepted because he offered animals to ,god1 and that ,cain was rejected because he offered the fruits of the ground4 ,there is no end to the nonsense that can be talked and written on religious subjects4 ,here is a man from whom one expected instruction and guidance1 wasting his great powers in worse than idleness4 ,it is a foolish and a dangerous thing to hang the doctrine of reconciliation or redemption on a slender hook1 when there are strong ones plenty to hang it on4 ,but it is not the ,christian doctrine of redemption for which ,mr4 ,w4 labors so zealously1 but a theory1 a crotchet1 an invention of the elders4 ,the doctrine itself requires no labored proof1 no doubtful criticisms1 no learned or unlearned inquiry into ,greek and ,hebrew etymologies4 ,it lies on the surface of the sacred page4 ,the ,son of man came not to be ministered unto1 but to minister1 and to give ,his life a ransom for many4 ,he died the just for the unjust1 to bring us to ,god4 ,he died for all1 that they who live should henceforth live not unto themselves1 but unto ,him who died for them and rose again4 ,these theorists make ,christianity disgusting by their metaphysical vanities1 and their outlandish jargon4 ,the idea that it is necessary for me to believe that ,abel understood the ,christian doctrine of redemption1 is monstrous4 ,there is no proof that ,abel know anything about it4 ,the probabilities lean all the other way4 ,it is a pity those self-satisfied theorizers have not something else to do1 than to encumber religion and perplex good people by their miserable speculations4 --,there's another book1 one thousand two hundred and fifty pages1 by a man that had real talent1 and that could preach well when he took in hand practical subjects1 and who had the appearance of a good man1 and nine-tenths of this work of his is mischievous trifling4 ,the clown at a theatre1 the mountebank on the stage1 are not so badly employed as theological triflers1 who darken counsel by words without knowledge4 ,it is not in prayer only1 but in preaching and writing1 that men should be in ,god's fear1 and let their words be few4 ,mr4 ,jones preached last night on ,christ in you1 the hope of glory4 ,i can understand1 #a4 ,how ,christ1 in the sense of ,christianity1 or the doctrine of ,christ1 can be in us4 ,we sometimes hear from people such expressions as3 ,he is full of ,plato1 or full of ,seneca1 or full of ,shakespeare1 when speaking of a man who has got his mind full of the sentiments of those writers4 ,and ,i can understand well enough how ,christianity1 which brings life and immortality to light1 should beget in men's minds a hope of glory4 #b4 ,i can understand how ,christ1 in the sense of ,christ's spirit1 temper1 disposition1 mind1 can be in us4 ,we sometimes say of a person who exhibits much of his father's disposition1 ,he has got a deal of his father in him4 ,and ,i can understand how ,christ in us in this sense should be1 or should kindle1 the hope of glory4 ,for the mind of ,christ is man's fitness for glory4 ,the mind of ,christ1 and the life to which it prompts1 are the things to which eternal glory is promised4 ,but ,i couldn't understand ,mr4 ,jones4 ,either he had no ideas on the subject1 or he failed to convey them to me4 --,i see no mystery in ,john's doctrine that ,god dwells in those in whom love dwells1 for ,god is love4 ,and ,i see no mystery in what ,peter says about ,christians being partakers of the divine nature2 for the ,divine nature is purity1 wisdom and love4 ,we share the common human nature and the common animal nature2 that is1 we have certain qualities or properties in common with men generally1 and with the inferior orders of living things4 ,so we share the divine nature1 when we have the same dispositions1 affections1 qualities as the divine ,being4 ,and the properties of the divine being are purity1 knowledge1 love4 --,i have just been listening to another antinomian sermon4 ,the preacher contended that we are justified and saved solely on account of what ,christ has done and suffered for us1 and that the only thing we have to do1 is to believe this1 or trust in the merits of ,christ1 and be at rest as to our eternal destiny4 ,but if we are saved solely on account of what ,christ has done and suffered1 why talk as if our believing this1 or trusting in ,christ's merits1 was necessary to salvation8 ,why not go a step further and say1 that neither believing nor trusting has anything to do with our salvation8 ,but the whole theory is as anti-scriptural and false as it is foolish and mischievous4 ,the preacher said1 ,we are not under the law1--,christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law4 ,very true2 but we are under the ,gospel2 and the ,gospel requires a more perfect life than the law required4 ,the law of ,christ is much stricter than the law of ,moses4 ,he said1 ,by the works of the law no flesh living can be justified4 ,but we may still be justified by the works of the ,gospel4 ,forgive1 and ye shall be forgiven4 ,by thy words shalt thou be justified1 and by thy words shalt thou be condemned4 ,with what measure ye mete1 it shall be measured to you again4 ,blessed are the merciful1 for they shall obtain mercy4 ,because thou hast been faithful over a few things1 ,i will make thee ruler over many things3 enter thou into the joy of thy ,lord4 ,repent and be converted1 that your sins may be blotted out4 ,we have confidence in the day of judgment1 because as ,he was so are we in this world4 ,he said circumcision availeth nothing2 and it is true that the circumcision which is outward in the flesh avails nothing under the ,christian dispensation3 but that which is inward1 namely1 the putting away of all filthiness1 and living a holy life1 availeth much4 ,then followed a lot of unscriptural and unwise talk about our own righteousness and ,christ's righteousness4 ,but the truth is1 when we love ,god and keep ,his commandments1--when we love ,christ and do as ,he bids us1 and believe1 in consequence1 that we are approved of ,god1 and in a fair way for heaven1 we trust in ,god's righteousness1 or ,christ's righteousness1 and not in a righteousness of our own4 ,the righteousness of ,god means the righteousness which ,god requires2 the righteousness of ,christ means obedience to ,his precepts1 and conformity to ,his mind and character4 ,true1 if ,i obey the ,gospel1 my obedience is my own1 but the law1 or the righteousness prescribed1 is ,christ's4 ,it is when men make a law of their own1--when they set aside ,god's law1 and put some other law in its place1 and expect ,god's blessing in consequence of obeying that1 that they trust in their own righteousness4 ,and in all such cases men's own righteousness1 in ,god's sight1 is as filthy rags4 ,but hearty1 loving obedience to ,god's own law is never regarded by ,him as filthy rags1 but as a rich adorning4 ,real ,christian goodness is1 in the sight of ,god1 of great price4 ,than gold or pearls more precious far1 ,and brighter than the morning star4 ,christian obedience is a sacrifice with which ,god is well pleased3 ,to do good and to communicate forget not1 for with such sacrifices ,god is well pleased4 ,he alone trusts in the righteousness of ,christ who hears ,christ's words and does them1--who cultivates ,christ's mind1 and lives as ,christ lived1 and who1 in doing so1 expects1 according to ,christ's promise1 ,god's blessing and eternal life4 ,the idea that ,god looks on any persons as having lived like ,christ when they have not done so2 or that ,he supposes any persons to be righteous1 or treats them as righteous1 when they are not so1 is foolish and anti-scriptural in the extreme4 ,and it is unmethodistical too4 ,yet here is a ,methodist preacher so-called1 dealing out this mischievous and miserable folly4 ,and alas he is not alone4 ,and these are the men who abuse others as heretics4 --,the good done where preachers preach theology is not done by the preaching1 ,i fancy1 but by stray truth from the ,gospels1 and by the ,christian lives and ,christian labors of simple-minded1 ,bible-loving1 non-theological members of the church4 ,god bless them6 --,wesley has thirty definitions of religion1 and they all mean1 in substance1 loving ,god and loving man1 and living to do good4 ,wesley was always sensible in proportion as he got away from under the influence of the prevailing ,theology4 --,some talk as if a religious education can never be the means of a child's conversion1--that1 do for your children what you will1 they will still1 like others1 require a distinct and full conversion when they come of age4 ,i cannot see why a good ,christian mother talking to her child from her old arm-chair1 and praying with it as it kneels by her side1 or the good example and godly training of a pious father1 may not be made as effectual to the gradual conversion of a child as the preaching of a pastor from the pulpit4 ,nor can ,i see why a gradual elevation of a child to the higher spiritual life should not be as possible and as probable as the sudden elevation of a hardened and inveterate sinner4 ',you cannot give your children grace1' it is said3 but it is easy to answer1 ',,god can give children grace through the medium of ,christian parents1 as well as through public preachers and teachers4' ,i encourage people to bring up their children in ,christian knowledge and goodness1 by telling them that ,god may be expected to bless their labors to the sanctification and salvation of their children from their early days4 ,baxter used to thank ,god that he was led by his good parents to love ,god so early that he could not recollect a time when he did not love ,him4 --,churches exist in this world to remind us of the eternal laws which we are bound to obey4 ,so far as they do this1 they answer their end1 and are honored in doing so4 ,it would have been better for all of us--it would be better for us now1 could churches keep this their peculiar function steadily and singly before them4 ,unfortunately1 they have preferred in later times the speculative side of things to the practical4 --,there is a tendency in men to corrupt religion2 to change it from an aid and incentive to a holy life1 into a contrivance to enable men to sin without fear of punishment4 ,obedience to ,god's law is dispensed with1 if men will diligently profess certain opinions1 or practically take part in certain rites4 ,however scandalous the moral life1 the profession of a particular belief1 or attention to certain forms1 at the moment of death1 is held to clear the soul4 --,it would be easy to give a hundred instances of doctrines to be heard in sermons and found in religious books1 which are nowhere taught in ,scripture4 ,and some of them exert a mighty influence for evil on the church and the world4 ,they check the spread of ,christianity4 ,they strengthen the cause of infidelity4 ,they keep people away from ,christ4 ,they make an all but impassable gulf between the church and the mass of humanity4 --,some think they would not have enough to talk about if they were to give up all the doctrines or notions for which ,i say there is no scriptural authority4 ,one preacher told me ,i had already spoiled some of his best sermons4 ,he said he had never been able to preach them with comfort since he began to listen to my conversation4 ,the truth is1 preachers will never know what great1 good things there are to be talked about1 till they get rid of their foolish fancies4 ,nor will they know the true pleasure of talking till they come to feel that their utterances are the words of eternal truth4 ,and so far will they be from not having enough to talk about1 that if they give themselves in a ,christian spirit1 to study the truth as it is in ,jesus1 they will never have time to utter a tenth of the blessed things that will present themselves to their minds4 ,a hundred years would not afford me time enough to say all that ,i get glimpses of on religious subjects as presented in nature and in the ,scriptures4 ,every subject ,i take in hand requires ten times more time to do it justice than is generally allowed for a sermon4 ,and the subjects are numberless4 ,we live in an infinite universe of truth4 ,i rejoice1 says one1 that ,i have been led1 in the course of ,god's providence1 to do so much as ,i have done1 towards purging revelation from those doctrines and practices which were discordant with its teachings1 and prevented its reception with many4 ,shall ,i ever be able to do anything in this way8 ,god help me4 ,if ,i could make the ,church and the ministry more ,christ-like1 and more powerful for good1 what a blessing it would be4 ,what a world of work wants doing1 both in the church and in the world4 ,save me from an impatient1 pugnacious1 disagreeable spirit4 ,perhaps ,i see the needs of others more than ,i feel my own4 ,perhaps ,i am in danger of being more eager for reform in others1 than for a thoroughly ,christian spirit and behavior in myself4 ,how many words and phrases one hears in sermons and in prayers1 and what heaps of expressions one meets with in religious works1 that are not warranted by ,scripture or common sense6 --,some of the words and phrases that are more frequently used by ,christians than any other1 are unscriptural ones4 ,some of them express unscriptural ideas4 ,some of them are names of things that have no existence4 ,both the words and the ideas for which they stand are anti-christian4 ,many of the things said from the pulpit are unintelligible4 ,the people strain their minds to get at a meaning1 but to no purpose4 ,it is ,latin or ,greek to them4 ,they listen1 but do not learn4 ,they hear sounds1 but catch no sense4 ,they reverence1 they worship1 but they do not understand4 ,they believe1 they feel1 that there are great spiritual realities1 but they are not made clear to their minds4 ,the devouter portion of the people still pray1 and on the whole1 live sober1 righteous and godly lives2 but multitudes are discouraged1 and take themselves away4 ,the hungry sheep look up and are not fed4 ,they hear words1 but get no ideas4 ,religion does not come to them from the pulpit as a reality4 ,it does not make itself felt as truth4 ,books and lecturers on science treat of realities1 and treat of them in words that can be understood2 but many books on religion1 and many preachers1 seem to deal only in words4 ,and the consequence is1 many fancy religion is a delusion1 a fanaticism1 a dream4 ,others believe there is something in it1 but they cannot conceive what it is4 ,yet teachers and preachers appear not properly to understand why so many get weary of sermons and religious books4 ,let them talk in plain good ,english1 and say nothing but what has some great ,christian reality under it1 and sermons and religious books will be the most popular things on earth4 --,i would never sacrifice ,christian truth to conciliate the world2 but ,i would sacrifice everything at variance with ,christian truth2 and ,i would present ,christian truth itself in as intelligible and taking a form as possible4 --,the antinomian theology has had a terribly corrupting effect on many members of churches4 ,i meet proofs of it every day4 ,god help me to do my duty4 ,some of my hearers say to me1 ',we come to church to be comforted1 and not to be continually told to do1 do1 do4' ,i do not wish people to be comforted unless they will do their duty2 and they will never lack comfort if they do do it4 ,comfort is for those who labor to comfort and benefit others1 and not for those who care only for themselves4 ,i try to make the easy-going1 indolent and selfish professors miserable3 and in some cases ,i succeed4 ,but ,i make others happy1 thank ,god1 by inducing them to give themselves heartily to ,christian work4 --,here are a few more good words from ,baxter3 ',many proclaim the praise of truth in general1 but reject and persecute its various portions4 ,the name of truth they honor1 but the truth itself they despise4' ',passion is a great seducer of the understanding1 and strangely blindeth and perverteth the judgment4' ',when passion hath done boiling and the heart is cooled1 and leaveth the judgment to do its work without clamor and disturbance1 it is strange to see how things will appear to you to be quite of another tendency than in your frenzy you esteemed them4' ',be more studious to hold and improve those common truths which all profess1 than to oppose the particular opinions of any1 except so far as those common truths require you to do so4' ',be not borne down by the censoriousness of any1 to outrun your own understanding and the truth1 and to comply with them in their errors and extremes2 but hold to the truth and keep your station4 ',let them return unto thee1 but return not thou unto them4' ,jer4 xv4 #ai4' ',believe nothing that contradicteth the end of all religion4 ,if its tendency be against a holy life1 it cannot be truth4' ',plead not the darker texts of ,scripture against those that are more plain and clear1 nor a few texts against many that are as plain4 ,that passage that is interpreted against the most plain and frequent expressions of the ,scriptures is certainly misinterpreted4' ,i will carry out these principles to the best of my ability4 --,i notice that ,christ never tells people that they cannot repent and do ,god's will without divine help4 ,he did not think it necessary to supply people with excuses for their neglect of duty4 ,and ,he knew that divine help is never withheld from any man4 ,all have the help needed to do what ,god requires4 ,there is no danger of any man trying to do anything good before he receives power from ,god4 ,god is always beforehand with men4 --,i have had a troubled night4 ,i have not slept soundly for a week4 ,i have had odd hours of sleep1 but never a quarter of a night's unbroken rest4 ,parties will talk with me about religion1 and ,i am foolish enough to talk with them1 yet we never quite agree4 ,they insist on the sacredness of every old notion and of every old word they have received from their teachers1 and ,i believe in the sacredness of nothing but ,scripture truth and common sense4 ,they cannot understand me1 and ,i cannot accept their nonsense4 ,and they have no idea of liberty or toleration4 ,they allow no excuse for not being sound in the faith1 and no one is sound in the faith according to their notions but those who agree with them4 ,they know nothing of the foundation on which the ,connexion was built4 ,they know nothing of ,wesley3 nothing1 at least1 of his liberal views4 ,the fundamental principles of the ,connexion justify me in my freedom of investigation1 and in the sentiments which ,i hold and teach2 but they do not know this4 ,they know nothing but that every one is to think as they think1 and talk as they talk4 ,hence they keep me on the rack4 ,i am tired4 ,i feel sad4 ,i could weep4 ,i feel as if ,i could like to run away1 like ,elijah1 and hide myself in the wilds of some great mountain4 ,but no2 ,i must stand my ground1 and do my duty4 ,shall truth be timid1 and error bold8 ,shall folly rage and be confident1 and wisdom be afraid to whisper8 ,help me1 ,o ,god1 to do my duty as ,thy servant1 and as the minister of ,thy ,gospel4 --,there are some verses of hymns that are sung in almost all religious assemblies that have nothing answering to them in ,scripture4 ,john ,wesley once said1 that the hymns which were the greatest favorites among the ,methodists were the worst in the whole ,hymn ,book4 ,it is the same still ,i fear1 to some extent4 ,let those who would like to know to what words and hymns we refer1 take themselves to task for a time1 and demand ,scriptural authority for every word and expression they utter4 ,we would save them the trouble1 were it not that we have learned that instruction from others is of no use to people who do not endeavor to teach themselves4 ,but take a sample or two4 ,i cannot sing the following3 ,forbid it ,lord that ,i should boast ,save in the death of ,christ my ,god4 ,the immortal ,god hath died for me1 c4 ,jesus died1 and ,god dwelt in ,jesus1 but ,god did not die4 ,great allowances are made to poets2 but they should not be encouraged to write impossibilities4 ,a heart that always feels ,thy blood1 c4 ,i feel thankful for the love which led ,jesus to die for me2 but ,i cannot say ,i feel the blood4 ,i feel the happy effects of the death or blood-shedding of ,jesus2 and perhaps that is what the poet means4 ,when from the dust of death ,i rise1 ,to claim my mansion in the skies1 ,even then this shall be all my plea1 ,jesus hath lived and died for me4 ,this is not scriptural4 ,the good servant in the parable of the talents says3 ,lord1 ,thou deliveredst unto me five talents3 behold1 ,i have gained besides them five talents more4 ,and so far was his ,lord from finding fault with his plea1 that he answered1 ,well done1 good and faithful servant2 thou hast been faithful over a few things1 ,i will make thee ruler over many things3 enter thou into the joy of thy ,lord4 ,and why may not other faithful servants use the same plea8 ,john makes perfect love1 or likeness to ,jesus1 the ground of confidence or boldness in the day of judgment4 ,how strange that ,christian writers should be so ignorant of the ,bible1 or so regardless of its teachings4 ,some of them seem to think they are saying very fine things when they are talking their anti-,christian nonsense4 ,help me1 ,o ,god1 to speak and act in accordance with ,thy word4 ,fine writing may be a fine thing1 but true writing is a finer4 ,i suppose it is as hard for theologians to give up their anti-,christian words and notions as it is for drunkards to give up their drink4 ,but it would be well for them to consider1 that self-denial may be as necessary to their salvation1 as it is to the salvation of infidels and profligates4 ,i would sacrifice a little poetry to truth4 ,i would not be very particular1 but do let us have substantial truth4 ,do not let us encumber and disfigure religion by absurdities1 impossibilities1 and antinomian abominations4 ,some one has said1 ,the world is very jealous of those who assail its religious ignorance4 ,its old mistakes are great idols4 ,no man has ever carried a people one march nearer the promised land without being in danger of being stoned4 ,no man has ever purified the life of an age1 without substantially laying down his own4 ,i am anxious only for truth and righteousness4 ,truth and righteousness ,i respect in all sects1 from the ,quakers to the ,catholics2 and ,i hate nonsense1 and lies1 and sin1 in professing ,christians1 as much as in ,turks and pagans4 ,so end the extracts from my ,diary4 ,i have just been reading an article in the ,christian ,advocate1 and ,i can't resist the temptation to give a short extract or two4 ,not only is there an emasculated theology1 but there is not a little emasculated preaching4 ,nothing is emptier or feebler than cant--ringing the changes on what may be called the stock phrases of one's sect4 ,john ,wesley once said1 ',let but a pert1 self-sufficient animal1 that has neither sense nor grace1 bawl out something about ',christ1' or ',his blood1' or 'justification by faith1' and there are not wanting those who will cry out1 ',what a fine ,gospel sermon6' ,for myself1 ,i prefer a sermon on either good tempers or good works to such ',gospel sermons4' ,take away from certain preachers their 'heavenly tone1' as the old lady called it--their sing-song cadences1 and their favorite pulpit phrases--and you take away the principal part of their stock in trade4 ,out upon such 'words without knowledge'--sound without sense6 ,quite as destitute of ,gospel power is that preaching which consists largely in the presentation of old worn-out theories1 musty scholastic philosophies about religion1 usually paraded under the pretentious title of 'doctrine4' ,the devil1 it is said1 once inspired a dead priest to preach an orthodox sermon4 ,on being questioned by his imps why he ventured on such a deliverance1 he replied very significantly1 that nothing made infidels more effectually than orthodoxy preached by dead men's lips4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,the ,,reforming ,,tendency4 ,i had a third tendency which helped to get me into trouble2 namely1 a reforming tendency4 ,earnest and active-minded young men are generally reformers4 ,in me the reforming tendency was unusually strong4 ,i wanted to reform everybody and everything1 and to do it thoroughly1 and without delay4 ,and ,i commenced operations very early4 #a4 ,it was the custom of my class-leader to read over to his class once a quarter the rules of society1 and to request the members1 if they were aware of any breach of any of the rules by any of the members1 to name the matter as he proceeded4 ,now one of the rules forbade the putting on of gold or costly apparel2 yet several of the members of our class put on both4 ,so when he came to that rule1 ,i asked why it was not enforced4 ,the leader seemed confused4 ,one of the offenders was the wife of one of the travelling preachers1 and another was the wife of an influential layman1 and both were customers at his store1 and he had never entertained a thought1 ,i imagine1 of running the risk of offending them by rebuking them for their offences2 so he muttered something in the way of excuse and then passed on4 ,the truth was1 that the rule1 though copied from the ,new ,testament1 and regarded by ,mr4 ,wesley as of great importance1 was no longer considered binding either by the preachers or the leading members4 ,the reading of the rules in the class was merely a form1 and my remarks1 instead of inducing my offending class-mates to return to the old ,methodist custom1 only caused them and those who sided with them1 to look on me as a troubler of ,israel4 #b4 ,i got myself into a little trouble on a later occasion at a local preachers' meeting4 ,it was the custom at those meetings for the superintendent preacher to read over the names of the local preachers1 and to request any brother who knew of any breach of rule by any of his brethren1 to name the matter4 ,when the name of ,mr4 ,h4 was read over1 ,i stated that he had been guilty of evil speaking against one of his brethren4 ,i gave the particulars1 and the offence was acknowledged1 but the offending brother was not without excuse1 and the business of the meeting proceeded4 ,but there was a very strong feeling in the minds of many that such attempts as ,i was making to press neglected rules on the attention of the meeting1 ought not to be encouraged2 and my endeavors to enforce consistency brought down upon me many sharp rebukes4 #c4 ,among the books that ,i read in those early days was ,mason on ,self-knowledge4 ,i found some excellent remarks on temperance and frugality in this work4 ,i met with some similar remarks in translating portions of the writings of ,seneca and ,cicero4 ,in a conversation that ,i had with one of the travelling preachers1 and a person that was supplying the place of another travelling preacher1 ,i quoted the beautiful sentiments which ,i had been reading and translating1 and added some remarks of my own1 with a view to recommend attention to the lessons they inculcated4 ,the travelling preacher remained silent1 but his companion answered me with a scornful laugh1 and said1 there was no need to urge such matters on them1 for they had not the means to be anything else but frugal and temperate4 ,this was neither true nor courteous1 and though ,i made no answer1 it left an impression on my mind by no means favorable to the wisdom and piety of those who1 at that time1 were placed over me as my teachers and guides4 #d4 ,though ,i met with such poor encouragement in my early efforts to reform or check abuses among my brethren1 ,i still persisted in my course1 even after ,i became a travelling preacher4 ,it was the custom of the richer members of society to have large parties1 to which they invited each other and the preachers and their families4 ,at many of these parties there was a good deal of drinking1 and a serious waste of money on many things that were not only useless but injurious4 ,and each family tried to outdo the rest in the costliness of their parties4 ,i regarded this custom as anti-,christian1 and tried to get it changed for something better4 ,i thought the money wasted on drink and hurtful luxuries would be better spent in doing good4 ,in some cases ,i referred to the words of ,christ about making feasts1 recorded in ,luke xiv4 #ab-ad2 but no one seemed to think ,christ's rule to be binding on professing ,christians now4 ,even my brother ministers thought me needlessly particular1 and helped to render my efforts for reform both unsuccessful1 and productive of disagreeable results4 #e4 ,the custom of treating the rich who came to our chapels with more respect than the poor1 was as prevalent probably when ,i became a minister1 as it was in the days of ,james4 ,i often saw the officials of the church conducting gaily-dressed people to comfortable pews1 while they left such as were poorly clad to stand in the aisles1 or to find their way into seats themselves2 and on some occasions ,i showed my dissatisfaction with such proceedings4 #f4 ,it was customary to have society meetings in each place once a quarter1 and at these meetings ,i used to refer to what ,i thought amiss in the conduct of professors1 and to urge attention to such lessons of ,christ and ,his ,apostles as seemed to be generally overlooked or forgotten4 ,on some occasions too on week nights1 instead of preaching a regular sermon1 ,i used to give a kind of lecture or exhortation1 in which ,i presented a summary of neglected duties1 and read over the passages of ,scripture in which they were enjoined1 making remarks on them4 ,there were many matters pertaining to marriage1 to the education and government of children1 and to domestic duties generally2 and there were matters pertaining to trade1 to social intercourse1 to mental improvement1 and the like1 on which preachers1 as a rule1 were entirely silent in their sermons1 from the beginning of the year to the end4 ,yet many of these matters were of the utmost importance1 and for want of information on them many religious people were neither so happy themselves1 nor so useful to others1 as they ought to be4 ,on these matters ,i spoke in as plain and faithful a way as possible4 ,i cautioned the young against wasting their time1 advised them to spend their leisure hours in reading and writing1 told them what books to read1 and how to read them1 showed them the most profitable plan of reading the ,bible1 warned them against bad company1 and advised them not to spend too much time even in good company4 ,i urged them1 if they thought of being preachers1 to endeavor to be preachers of the highest order1 workmen that needed not to be ashamed1 rightly distributing the word of truth4 ,and whether they thought of being preachers or not1 ,i urged them to improve their talents1 and to become as wise1 as able and as useful as possible4 ,many were delighted1 and reduced my lessons to practice4 ,others however took offence1 and repaid my endeavors to do them good with uncharitable censures4 #g4 ,it was the custom in the ,body to which ,i belonged to keep the doors of the annual conference closed against all but those who were sent as delegates by the circuits4 ,i and a few others thought this course led to inconsiderate1 and1 in some cases1 to unjust and oppressive measures1 and in #ahce ,i wrote a letter on the subject to the ,christian ,advocate4 ,my remarks were not agreeable to the leading members of conference1 and ,i was instantly called to account and severely censured1 and threatened with the heaviest punishment if ever ,i offended so grievously again4 ,the reason why my letter proved so offensive was probably its truthfulness1 for the change ,i recommended was afterwards adopted1 though not till the old objectionable system had produced most disastrous consequences4 #h4 ,one rule of the ,connexion to which ,i belonged forbade the preachers to marry till after they had been engaged in the ministry from four to five years or upwards4 ,this regulation seemed to me to be the cause of serious evils4 ,some of these evils ,i had myself experienced1 and others ,i had seen in the conduct and mishaps of many of my brethren4 ,the reason assigned for the law seemed to me to be not only insufficient1 but to be a disgrace to a body of ,christians situated as we were4 ,i urged an alteration or a repeal of the law1 recommending conference to take out the best and ablest men as ministers1 whether they were married or not1 and to allow such ministers as were single to marry whenever they thought fit1 and to urge the churches to provide for the additional expense of married preachers by a little additional liberality4 ,there were members that wasted as much on one foolish and mischievous party1 as would have made up the difference between a single man's salary and a married man's salary4 ,there were members that spent as much in intoxicating drinks as would have kept a married preacher or two out and out4 ,there were tradesmen that could have supported five or six preachers out of their yearly profits1 if they had been as liberal as the old selfish ,jews were required to be4 ,if they had been as liberal as ,christians are required to be1--if they had loved their neighbors1 or ,jesus1 or ,god1 as they loved themselves1 they could have supported twenty preachers1 and still retained enough to keep their families in comfort and plenty1 and to carry on and extend their businesses too4 ,to shut good men out of the ministry because they were married1 and take in doubtful men because they were single1 was1 in my view1 disgraceful and inexcusable4 ,but in this also ,i was considered wrong by the rulers of the ,connexion1 and was once more censured and admonished for what was considered my presumptuous interference4 #i4 ,fifty years ago1 and for some years after1 almost everybody used to drink intoxicating drinks4 ,ale and beer1 wine and spirits1 were as freely used as tea and coffee1 and were taken in great quantities by many even in the church and ministry4 ,i remember once1 while yet a local preacher1 going round with ,mr4 ,etchells1 a new minister in my native town1 on his first pastoral visits1 to show him where the principal members of the church lived4 ,he was invited to drink at every house1 and never failed to comply with the invitations4 ,i saw him drink sixteen glasses of beer1 wine and spirits1 on that one round1 occupying only two or three hours4 ,this same minister prosecuted ,mr4 ,farrar1 his superintendent1 for drunkenness1 and got him suspended4 ,whether his superintendent drank more than he or not1 ,i do not know1 but he did not keep up appearances so well4 ,he showed himself drunk in the pulpit1--so drunk1 on one or two occasions1 that he was unable to speak plainly1 or even to stand steadily4 ,he also fell down in the streets sometimes1 and had to be carried home4 ,his colleague did not commit himself in such ways1 though he drank enough at times in one day to make half a dozen sober people drunk4 ,the leading member in the ,methodist church1 ,richard ,wilson1 opened the first wine and spirit store at ,bramley1 and corrupted the whole country round with his wares1 doing far more for the devil and sin than the preachers could do for ,god and holiness4 ,yet no one seemed to think there was anything dishonorable or diabolical in the business4 ,at a social party to which ,i was invited at ,leeds1 consisting of preachers and leading members of the church1 one man1 a preacher1 got so drunk1 that he became a most distressing spectacle4 ,i cannot describe his mishaps4 ,there were others who ought to have committed themselves in the same sad way1 for they drank as much1 and even more1 but they had stronger constitutions1 or were better seasoned4 ,at ,liverpool1 my first station1 every one on whom the preachers called in their pastoral rounds1 asked them to drink4 ,even ,dr4 ,raffles1 the popular ,congregational minister1 had wine and cakes brought out1 when ,i and my superintendent called on him one morning4 ,wine and cakes1 or cakes and spirits1 were placed on the table by all who were not too poor to buy such things1 and even the poorer members contrived to supply themselves with rum or whisky4 ,and all expected the preachers to drink4 ,and the preachers did drink4 ,mr4 ,allin1 my superintendent1 was not by far the greatest drinker in the ,connexion1 yet he seldom allowed the poison placed before him to remain untasted4 ,i was so organized1 that ,i never could drink a full glass of either wine or ale without feeling more or less intoxicated1 and for spirits ,i had quite a distaste2 so that ,i was obliged to take intoxicating drinks very sparingly4 ,yet ,i conformed1 to some extent1 to the prevailing custom2 and it was not1 ,i fear1 through any great goodness of my own1 that ,i did not become a drunkard4 ,several of my fellow-ministers became drunkards4 ,mr4 ,allin himself1 after he fell under the influence of that bad rich man at ,sheffield became a drunkard1 and brought on shocks of paralysis by his excesses4 ,my superintendent at ,sheffield drank himself into delirium tremens1 and ,i fear he never got over his bad habits4 ,mr4 ,chapman was a notorious sot4 ,i knew him personally1 and was compelled1 at times1 to witness his disgusting habits4 ,yet he was never expelled1 though he was superannuated some forty years or more before his death4 ,his superannuation reduced his income some seventy-five per cent41 and made it impossible for him to drink so freely as he had been wont1 and so1 very probably1 helped to prolong his miserable life4 ,while stationed at ,liverpool1 ,i was called away to supply the place of the superintendent preacher in the ,chester circuit for a few weeks1 who had died very suddenly1 under very peculiar circumstances4 ,his name was ,dunkerley4 ,i was told by persons likely to know the truth1 that he was a very drunken man4 ,on one occasion1 while he was over at ,liverpool1 he fell down in the ,theatre ,square1 and had to be taken up and carried into a neighboring shop4 ,at first it was supposed he had had a fit2 but a little further attention to the case revealed the secret that he was drunk4 ,on another occasion1 on his return from ,liverpool to ,chester1 he was observed1 when he got off the coach1 to stagger backwards and fall down4 ,some friends that were waiting for his arrival1 ran and helped him up1 and took him to a member's house just by4 ,he was found to be drunk then also4 ,the members spoke to him on the subject1 and reproved him sharply1 and then put him to bed4 ,the ,tuesday night following1 the matter was mentioned at the leaders' meeting1 when he was present4 ,the leaders told him that such conduct could not be tolerated1 and that unless a change took place for the better1 the matter would have to be laid before the ,quarterly ,meeting4 ,the preacher acknowledged his fault1 and promised1 if they would forgive him that once1 that he would do so no more4 ,i believe that from that time he gave up the use of intoxicating drinks for a week or two2 but shortly after1 having to go to the ,welsh side of the ,circuit1 he began to use them again4 ,at one of the places on that side of the ,circuit1 the leaders were accustomed to have their meetings in a room in a public-house1 near the ,chapel1 and to lodge the preacher there4 ,perhaps poor ,dunkerley thought it would hardly look right for him to be accommodated at a public-house with a bed1 and yet take nothing to drink2 so he got some gin4 ,the relish for the gin must have returned upon him with great power when he began to taste it1 for he drank very freely4 ,he drank so much1 that the publican himself began to feel alarmed for him4 ,a short time after he had gone up stairs to bed1 the people of the house heard a noise of an unusual character in his room1 and on going to see what was the matter1 they found the preacher on his knees1 in an apoplectic fit1 the blood gushing from his nose and ears4 ,he died the same evening4 ,he died drunk4 ,it was this man's place that ,i went to supply4 ,i do not wonder now that ,dunkerley and several other preachers in the ,new ,connexion were drunkards1 when ,i take into consideration the customs and habits of the people of the ,connexion in those days4 ,i never met with anything in any society1 that ,i recollect1 more at variance with the principles of ,christian temperance1 and more likely to lead both preachers and people into drunkenness and profligacy1 than the habits and customs of many of the members of the ,new ,connexion in the ,chester circuit4 ,in the first place they were all users of intoxicating drinks1 and all those that were in tolerable circumstances regularly kept spirits as well as milder1 weaker kinds of intoxicating drinks in their houses4 ,in the next place a preacher could never call at the houses of those people1 whatever the time of day1 without being urged to drink of either the stronger or weaker kinds of intoxicating drinks4 ,and he could hardly refuse to drink without seeming to slight the kindness of the people1 and running the risk of giving offence4 ,in the third place they were very much addicted to extravagant social parties1 pleasure jaunts1 c4 ,they were worse than the people of ,leeds in this respect2 unless they were worse than usual while ,i was there4 ,all the time that ,i was in ,chester1 there was not a single week or day when they had not either some dinner-party or tea-party1 or both1 or else some pleasure jaunt on the water or on land4 ,and those pleasure parties and feasts were always occasions of extravagant eating and drinking4 ,besides abundance of flesh and game1 and other luxuries1 there was always an overwhelming supply of intoxicating drinks1 and great quantities were consumed4 ,i have seen men on those occasions drink five1 six1 eight1 or even ten glasses of wine or spirits1 besides drinking ale1 or porter1 or wine at meals4 ,i recollect very distinctly seeing a person1 and that a preacher1 drink1 in addition to what he consumed over his meal1 ten glasses of ,port wine between dinner and tea1 after which he went to preach4 ,religious society was not quite so corrupt in the principal towns of the ,hanley circuit1 where ,i was next stationed1 as at ,liverpool and ,chester1 yet there was a fearful amount of respectable intemperance there4 ,there was no end to the feasting4 ,and as ,i1 though so young1 was very popular1 ,i was always expected to be present4 ,the luxuries in which ,i indulged brought on indigestion4 ,indigestion1 and close study1 and hard work in the pulpit1 brought on a most wearisome languor and depression4 ,to help me1 one rich friend sent me a bottle of ,sherry wine4 ,another sent me ,elderberry wine4 ,these made me worse4 ,it was well this mistaken kindness did not ruin me4 ,but ,i was preserved1 thank ,god1 both from death and drunkenness4 ,for two years more ,i was in the midst of these awful temptations to intemperance1 and a witness to their deadly effects on several of my brethren4 ,i felt that ,i was in danger4 ,and ,i saw that the church was suffering4 ,i looked round for a remedy4 ,just then there came rumors of a temperance society1 and of attempts at a temperance reformation4 ,one of our young preachers had joined this new society1 and had labelled his whisky and brandy medicine4 ,he left his beer1 and porter1 and wine1 unlabelled1 and drank them as freely as before4 ,the people who told me of this1 ridiculed the man1 and ridiculed the movement for temperance reform4 ,i was rather pleased with the news1 though news of a more thorough movement might have pleased me better4 ,but the beginnings of things are small4 ,the movement soon became radical enough1 and ,i kept pace with it4 ,in #ahcb ,i gave up the use of ardent spirits1 and became a member of the old-fashioned temperance society4 ,in #ahcc ,i gave up the use of intoxicating drinks of all kinds1 and joined the teetotal society4 ,in #ahcd ,i gave up the use of tobacco4 ,a few months later ,i gave up tea and coffee1 and took water as my usual drink4 ,these changes in my way of life gave great offence to many in the church to which ,i belonged1 and led them to speak of me1 and act towards me1 in a way that was anything but kind and agreeable4 ,this was especially the case with regard to my disuse of intoxicating drinks1 and my advocacy of teetotalism4 ,i might have been borne with perhaps if ,i had become a drunkard2 for drunkards were in some cases tolerated2 but a teetotaler was not to be endured4 ,some called me a fool1 and some a madman1 and one man pronounced me no better than a suicide and a murderer4 ,you will be dead1 said he1 in twelve months1 if you persist in your miserable course1 and what will become of your wife and children8 ,and what account can you give of the people you are leading to untimely death by your example8 ,one person at ,chester1 at whose house ,i had visited some years before1 when supplying the place of the deceased minister1 would neither invite me to his house1 nor speak to me in the street1 except in the way of insult1 now that ,i had become a teetotaler4 ,he said no one should ever sit at his table who would not take a glass of wine4 ,and ,i never did sit at his table after4 ,he invited my colleagues1 and he invited the old superannuated minister1 whose character ,i cannot describe1 but he never invited me4 ,one object that ,i had in view in adopting my abstemious way of life was to save a little money to buy books4 ,i had become an author too1 and had thoughts of publishing a number of works1 and ,i wanted to be able to do so without having to go into debt4 ,then ,i wanted to do good in other ways4 ,i liked to be able to give a little to the distressed and needy that ,i was called upon to visit4 ,and ,i liked to subscribe occasionally to funds for the erection of new schools and chapels in circuits where ,i was stationed4 ,among my reasons for becoming a teetotaler was a desire to induce others to do so1 who seemed to me to be likely1 if they continued to use intoxicating drinks1 to become drunkards4 ,then ,i had seen the terrible effects of the drinking system1 both in the ,church and among my relations4 ,and ,i was anxious for the success of every kind of measure that seemed likely to promote the reformation and salvation of mankind4 #aj4 ,i had not been a teetotaler long before ,i became anxious to see my brethren in the ministry teetotalers4 ,i wrote a letter to the ,temperance ,advocate1 giving an account of the experiment ,i had made1 and stating the happy results by which it had been followed1 and urging others1 by all the considerations that had influenced my own mind1 to adopt and advocate the teetotal principle4 ,mr4 ,livesey sent a copy of the ,advocate containing my letter to all the ministers of the ,body to which ,i belonged4 ,there were but few of them however who seemed to be able to enter into my views and feelings1 or to understand and appreciate the motives by which ,i was actuated4 ,the generality looked on the course ,i had taken as a proof of a restless and ill-regulated mind1 and instead of following my example1 treated me and my teetotalism with ridicule4 ,some were angry1 and scolded me in right good earnest4 ,they supposed that it was ,i that had sent them the ,paper containing my letter1 and seemed to think themselves called upon to resent my interference with their tastes and habits in a very decided manner4 ,several of them sent me very offensive letters1 and one of them concluded a long outpouring of abuse and insolence with some very cutting but just remarks on my inconsistency in pressing abstinence from intoxicating drinks so earnestly on others1 while ,i myself was guilty of the unreasonable and offensive practice of smoking tobacco4 ,i had long had misgivings as to the propriety of smoking1 and when ,i read this cutting rebuke1 ,i resolved to smoke no more4 ,i said to my wife1 ,they shall not be able to charge me with inconsistency again on that score1 and ,i there and then broke my pipe on the grate1 and emptied my tobacco cup into the fire1 and ,i have never annoyed others1 or defiled myself1 with the abomination of tobacco smoke or tobacco spittle from that day to this4 ,my angry correspondent had done me an important service4 #aa4 ,i met with some of the bitterest and most persistent enemies of teetotalism in the circuit in which ,i was then travelling4 ,there were several members of society1 class-leaders1 and local preachers1 in and around ,chester1 who were slaves to intoxicating drinks4 ,some of them were habitual drunkards1 and others of them were not much better2 and they treated all who would not countenance their excesses as personal enemies4 ,many of them were accustomed to go to public houses1 and sit there drinking and smoking for hours together1 like ordinary drunkards4 ,this horrible habit they gave up shortly after my appointment to the circuit1 but several of them raged against me with tremendous fury1 and would have done anything to destroy my influence4 ,at first they were kept in check to some extent by the wisdom and goodness of my superintendent1 who1 though he did not become a teetotaler himself1 showed great respect for those who did4 ,when he left ,chester1 a man of a very different character came in his place1 who sided with the drinkers1 and took a savage delight in annoying the teetotalers1 and exulted as if he had achieved some wonder of benevolence and piety when he had induced some poor reformed drunkard to break his pledge1 though he plunged again into the horrors of intemperance4 ,i called one forenoon on ,mr4 ,downs4 ,he was frantic1 and his wife was wild with anxiety and terror4 ,she seemed as if she had been awake and weeping all the night4 ,i soon saw the cause of the dreadful spectacle4 ,downs had been a drunkard1 but had1 under my influence1 become a teetotaler1 and joined the church4 ,his wife had been a member of the church for some years4 ,she was overjoyed with the reformation and conversion of her husband1 and was promising for herself and her husband1 for the future1 a very happy life4 ,my superintendent had got poor ,downs into his company1 and by reasoning1 ridicule1 and coaxing1 had induced him to take a glass of ale4 ,his horrible appetite for intoxicating drink returned with irresistible force1 and he drank himself drunk4 ,he went home in a very deplorable condition4 ,his wife1 distressed beyond measure1 got him to bed1 and he fell asleep1 and she1 poor woman1 sat watching him1 and weeping1 hoping he might wake to lament his error and become again a sober man4 ,he awoke in a fury1 and attempted to destroy himself4 ,he was mad with shame and horror1 and declared he could not and would not live4 ,when ,i entered1 his wife had been watching him and struggling with him for several hours1 to keep him from suicide4 ,i just got in in time to save the man1 and relieve his exhausted wife1 and ,i was enabled to reconcile the man to live a little longer1 and try teetotalism again4 ,my misguided superintendent never attempted to reason with me1 but when he thought he had a chance of punishing me for my teetotalism1 he snatched at the apparent opportunity with the greatest eagerness4 ,one week night1 when appointed to preach in ,chester ,chapel1 ,i gave the people a sermon on temperance4 ,some days after1 ,i was summoned to a meeting of officials1 to give an account of my doings4 ,i attended4 ,my superintendent1 the bitter enemy of teetotalism1 was in the chair1 and on each side of him sat a number of men of similar feelings1 and of grosser habits4 ,i was told there was a complaint against me1 to the effect that the last time ,i was at ,chester ,i had preached teetotalism instead of the ,gospel4 ,i said1 ,is that all8 ,and they answered ,yes4 ,then you ought to be ashamed of yourselves1 ,i said1 and left the meeting4 ,what they did after my departure ,i was never told4 ,one man in that neighborhood circulated a report that ,i had asked my mother-in-law1 who had been staying some time at our house1 to have a glass of brandy and water1 when she was leaving for home in the coach4 ,this slander was refuted by a deputation1 who at once visited my mother-in-law1 and brought back from her a flat contradiction of the statement4 ,i ought to say1 that while ,i was in this circuit1 hundreds of drunkards were reformed1 many of whom became happy1 exemplary1 and useful members of the ,church4 ,i was the means of tens of thousands becoming teetotalers in the country round about1 and the happy effects of my labors in those regions remain1 to some extent1 to the present day4 #ab4 ,in #ahcg1 while ,i was stationed in the ,mossley ,circuit1 ,i began a weekly periodical called the ,evangelical ,reformer4 ,i had long wished for a suitable means of laying my views before my friends1 but had found none4 ,the editor of the magazine published by the ,body to which ,i belonged was a very disagreeable man1 and to me he was more unaccommodating and offensive than to others4 ,he would have published articles under my name1 but not till he had altered them1 and made them conformable to his own ideas and tastes4 ,and this was more than ,i could endure4 ,there was another periodical which ,i could use1 and had used occasionally1 but it lent itself to ill-disposed people as a vehicle of slander1 and ,i had ceased to feel myself at liberty to give it my countenance4 ,with a small periodical of my own ,i could communicate with my friends at pleasure1 and ,i used my ,evangelical ,reformer for this purpose with great freedom4 ,i published my views on temperance1 on marriage1 on trade1 on education1 on dress1 on diet1 on religious parties1 on books and reading1 on the use of money1 on the duty of the ,church to support its poor members1 on toleration and human creeds1 and on a multitude of other subjects1 and urged on the churches a reform on all these points4 ,my freedom of expression soon brought me into fresh trouble4 ,an article which ,i published on ,toleration and ,human ,creeds1 was considered by some of my brethren to be highly objectionable and dangerous1 and was brought before ,conference4 ,conference was pressed by many to condemn the article1 and to show its disapprobation of it by punishing the author4 ,others entreated that ,conference should spare the author1 lest mischief should follow1 and content itself with privately expressing disapprobation of the article4 ,the latter parties prevailed2 but their moderation was made of no effect by the editor of the magazine who wickedly published the obnoxious resolution to the world1 and so rendered it necessary for me to write again on the subject1 to defend myself and my article4 ,the result was a controversy between me and some of my brethren1 which led at length to the most serious consequences4 ,another article was objected to by many of my brother ministers4 ,a draper1 a leading member of the society at ,ashton1 published a circular1 announcing the winter fashions1 and sent copies to members of my congregation1 pressing them to go and purchase his wares1 many of which were both costly and useless4 ,i copied this circular into my periodical1 and advised my readers to disregard its counsels1 and to spend their money like ,christians4 ,i added some remarks on the inconsistency of professing ,christians urging people1 even in the way of trade1 to waste their ,master's money on things forbidden by ,his word4 ,this article created a great amount of excitement1 and some would fain have had it censured by ,conference1 along with the other article2 but they were not allowed to have their way4 ,both my periodical and my other publications were favorably received1 and had a large circulation1 and my opponents thought they gave me too much power1 and made me dangerous2 and this became the occasion of further unpleasantness4 ,on the other hand the magazine had but a poor circulation1 and the ,book-room1 though it had a large amount of capital1 did but a very limited business2 and ,i suggested reforms with a view to render them more useful4 ,i urged an improvement of the magazine1 and the publication of cheap books1 with a view to supply useful reading to the members of the churches1 and to people generally4 ,all these propositions proved unpalatable to the easy-going officials1 and brought on me fresh trials4 #ac4 ,again2 the standard of morality was low in many of our societies1 and ,i pleaded for the enforcement of ,christian discipline4 ,some of our members were brewers1 some publicans1 some spirit-merchants1 some beer-shop keepers4 ,old ,mr4 ,thwaites was a publican4 ,his son1 who was both class-leader and local preacher1 was both a drink-seller and a pawnbroker4 ,and ,i am not certain that pawnbroking in ,england is not as bad a business as drink-selling4 ,the two are nearly related and are fast friends4 ,drunkenness leads to pawnbroking1 and pawnbroking helps drunkenness4 ,timothy ,bentley1 one of the greatest brewers in ,england1 the poisoner-general both of the souls and bodies of the immense population of my native county1 was a ,methodist class-leader at ,huddersfield4 ,i once met in his class4 ,he was a most venerable and saintly-looking man1 and stood in high repute4 ,i regarded these businesses as anti-christian1 and contended that those who persisted in them after due admonition1 should be expelled4 ,the businesses named above were not the worst4 ,some members of society were wholesale panders4 ,take the following facts4 ,when ,i was sent to ,liverpool ,i had a young man1 whose name ,i need not give1 for a bed-fellow4 ,he was a draper1 and his customers were unfortunate women4 ,he sold to them on trust1 and went round weekly to collect his money4 ,his father1 who was a leading man in the society1 and his brothers1 were in the same way of business4 ,another man who was a leading member and an official1 followed the same dishonorable occupation4 ,it was usual with those people1 when their wretched customers were turned out of their houses by their landlords1 to provide them with fresh houses1 and even to supply them with furniture4 ,when fairs or races were at hand1 they supplied them with extra dresses and ornaments1 to enable them to ply their horrible trade to better advantage4 ,these facts ,i had in part from my bed-fellow1 and in part from the people in whose house he kept his shop1 and with whom ,i lived4 ,when ,i came to know these things ,i was very uneasy2 and on finding that it was unsafe to sleep with my bed-fellow1 ,i got fresh lodgings4 ,this vexed my bed-fellow and all his family1 and made them my enemies4 ,i spoke of these things to my superintendent1 but he advised me to be cautious what ,i did and said in reference to such matters4 ,and he told me a story that he had met with in a work on the ministry by an ,american1 which he had just been reading4 ,this author said1 that out of fifty ministers whom he had known expelled from their holy office1 only one or two had been expelled for immoral conduct or gross inconsistency3 all the rest had been discarded on account of imprudences4 ,this was meant to deter me from interfering either by word or deed with faulty members of society4 ,and he backed his ungodly counsel by as bad an example4 ,for he not only left those wicked people to pursue their evil courses undisturbed1 but visited at their houses1 allowed his family to receive presents from them1 and1 when he was leaving the circuit1 did himself accept from their unclean hands a portion of their filthy gains1 in the shape of a testimonial of their respect for his great abilities and distinguished virtues4 ,this person1 whose general conduct was much in keeping with the facts ,i have given above1 though he was the foremost minister in the ,connexion1 proved my most persistent adversary in after life1 and never rested till he had brought about my expulsion from the ministry4 #ad4 ,i will mention another affair to show what notions certain members of the church had of what was required of ,christians in reference to business matters4 ,i bought some handkerchiefs of a man1 a member of society1 in ,chester1 on his assurance that they would wash4 ,when we washed them they came to pieces4 ,i asked the man afterwards if he was aware when he sold the handkerchiefs that they were rotten4 ,he said he was4 ,then why did you sell me them8 ,i asked4 ,he said he had bought them for good ones himself1 and that he could not afford to lose what he had given for them4 ,i wanted such people to be dealt with according to the rules of ,christian discipline4 #ae4 ,there were many other sad facts1 far more than ,i have either time or disposition to mention1 which forced themselves on my notice1 and obliged me1 in conscience1 to plead and labor for reform4 ,there seemed a dreadful distance between the character of ,christ and the character of the ,church2 and ,i wished to make it less4 ,how far ,i erred in my efforts to bring about this desirable result1 and how far ,i acted wisely1 it is not for me to say4 ,i know that my object was good1 and that the course ,i took was the one that seemed best to me at the time2 but it is probable that some would have gone about the work in a wiser way4 ,i never excelled in certain forms of prudence4 ,i was prone to speak forth my thoughts and feelings without much consideration and with but little reserve2 and ,i often used the plainest and even the strongest words4 ,i was too open4 ,my heart was too near my mouth4 ,i thought aloud4 ,and ,i was not sufficiently tender of people's feelings4 ,nor did ,i make sufficient allowance for their prejudices and imperfections4 ,i probably expected too much from men4 ,and some of the reforms which ,i proposed might at the time be impracticable4 ,i was accustomed to muse very much on the teachings of ,christ and ,his ,apostles1 and to image to myself a state of things in the ,church which1 though very desirable1 was probably unattainable1 except through many slow preliminary changes4 ,i wished for a church without spot1 or wrinkle1 or any such thing1--a church that should set forth and carry out the highest principles of ,christian purity and charity--and that was a blessing to be looked for not in the present1 but in the future only4 #af4 ,then ,i had but little knowledge of human nature1 either in its regenerate or unregenerate state4 ,i over-rated men's virtues1 and under-rated their defects4 ,i trusted them too much and feared them too little4 ,i took all who put on a fair appearance1 for friends1 and imparted to them the innermost thoughts of my soul4 ,and many proved unworthy of my confidence4 ,and ,i often over-rated men's talents or capabilities4 ,i was not aware of the infinite difference in men's powers4 ,i thought all my brethren in the ministry1 and almost all my brother ,christians1 were capable1 under proper culture1 of being made as wise1 as able1 as eloquent1 as the most distinguished in the ,church4 ,i was not aware that some men were naturally palm-trees1 and others only brambles2 that some were pearls1 and others only pebbles2 and that these constitutional differences were unalterable4 ,hence ,i expected too much of some1 and was too impatient perhaps when disappointed4 ,i erred with regard both to men and institutions1 and my colleagues were often offended with what they deemed my unreasonable expectations and demands4 #ag4 ,but in truth1 it is not necessary for reformers to err1 in order to give offence4 ,the best and wisest ,one that ever appeared on earth gave offence to those who were wedded to error and abuses4 ,a ,christian reformer can never please the earthly1 the sensual1 and the devilish4 ,the history of ,christ and of ,paul has settled that4 ,a ,christian reformer never does the right thing in the estimation of the idle1 the selfish1 the corrupt3 and if he does1 he never does it at the right time1 or in the right way4 ,he always meddles too early1 or too late2 and he always goes too fast1 or too slow2 and he always does too much1 or too little4 ,he interferes with their ease1 their interests1 and their pleasures1 and that is enough4 ,they will1 in return1 endeavor to destroy his influence1 if not to take away his life4 ,they will impute to him the vilest motives4 ,they will stick at no lie1 no wrong1 that seems likely to damage his reputation4 ,they will magnify his innocent weaknesses or trifling inconsistencies1 and represent them as gross and unpardonable faults4 ,if he is faithful they will call him rash2 if he is prudent they will call him hypocritical2 and they will labor in every way to awaken against him distrust and prejudice in the minds of the better-disposed among their brethren4 ,and many of the better-disposed themselves often see what tries them greatly in the character and doings of reformers4 ,it is the natural tendency of the reforming spirit to lead a man to look too much at what is amiss in men and systems1 and too little at what is right and praiseworthy4 ,it is what is amiss that wants reforming1 so he fixes his mind on that1 and makes it the constant subject of his conversation4 ,and so it was with myself no doubt to some extent4 ,and this1 to men of conservative tendencies1 who look more at the good and less at the evil in the men and systems with which they are connected1 seems a grievous fault1 an inexcusable piece of injustice1 deserving the severest censure4 ,and they repay it with the sternest condemnation4 ,and conservatives can be as blind or one-sided as the most eager reformers4 ,they can shut their eyes to what is evil1 or treat great abuses as excusable trifles2 while they magnify what is good beyond all bounds4 ,and when they get excited or vexed they can be as unjust towards the reformer1 as the most rabid reformer can be towards them or their pet institutions4 ,and there are few things fiercer than the fire of bigotry1 even in minds not destitute of piety4 ,the truth is1 when men wax hot1 either in favor of reform or against it1 justice is forgotten1 and kindness and courtesy are out of the question4 ,and so it was in the controversies which arose out of my efforts at reform4 ,i was assailed both by the malignity of the corrupt1 and by the bigotry of the misguided4 ,i was hated by the bad1 and dreaded by some of the good1 and abused and persecuted by both4 ,and some of my enemies had neither mercy nor moderation4 ,they pressed matters to the most terrible extremes4 ,and ,i was not sufficiently on my guard4 ,instead of possessing my soul in patience1 and casting my care on ,god1 ,i allowed their persecutions to increase the bitterness of my unhappy feelings1 and render my ultimate separation from them inevitable4 #ah4 ,there were several other matters which had something to do in causing unpleasant feelings between me and a number of my brethren4 ,it fell to my lot to be unusually popular4 ,i became so at a very early period4 ,i was1 in consequence1 often invited by other circuits to preach their special sermons1 and ,i frequently accepted those invitations4 ,some of my superintendents were annoyed at this1 and showed their displeasure in very offensive ways4 ,while ,i was in ,hanley circuit my superintendent called a meeting of a number of leading friends1 before which ,i was summoned to appear4 ,there my acceptance of invitations to preach occasional sermons was charged against me as an offence1 and ,i was ordered not to go into other circuits any more1 without the consent of my superintendent4 ,i offered no objection to this4 ,my superintendent next charged me with having a number of objectionable books in my library4 ,he had requested the woman at whose house ,i lodged to show him into my room during my absence1 and there he had found the works of ,shakespeare1 ,barrow1 ,tillotson1 and ,paley1 and some volumes of poems by ,lord ,byron4 ,the meeting advised me to get rid of ,shakespeare and ,byron1 and to be careful how ,i used the works of ,barrow1 ,tillotson1 and ,paley1 as they were not ,methodistical1 and my great concern1 it was said1 should be to excel as a teacher and defender of ,methodism4 ,with this recommendation ,i could not entirely comply4 ,i retained my ,shakespeare2 ,i have him yet4 ,and ,i read the works of ,tillotson1 ,barrow1 and ,paley as freely as ,i had done before4 ,but ,i lost all confidence in my superintendent1 and a portion of the respect ,i had felt for those who took his part4 ,towards the close of the year my superintendent and his friends endeavored to prevent me from receiving a perfect certificate1 on the pretence that ,i had expressed a doubt whether my health would prove equal to the work of the ministry4 ,their objections proved of no avail2 but the spirit which my superintendent showed1 increased the unhappy feeling which his previous unkindness had awakened in my breast4 #ai4 ,the wife of one of our ministers published a book1 and the husband sent it to me for review4 ,it contained1 mixed up with a great variety of useful remarks1 a number of anti-scriptural and antinomian passages4 ,while ,i did justice to the rest of the book1 ,i exposed its errors with great fidelity1 and gave the husband great offence4 #bj4 ,about the same time a gentleman at whose house ,i was billeted at ,bury1 when lecturing there on temperance1 made me a present of a volume of ,channing's discourses4 ,i read this volume with the greatest delight1 and spoke of it highly in my periodical4 ,now ,channing was a ,unitarian1 and in one of the discourses contained in the volume which ,i had commended1 there were several ,unitarian expressions4 ,the husband of the lady whose book ,i had reviewed brought the matter before ,conference4 ,he also quoted from my periodical a number of passages which he contended were not ,methodistical4 ,he was very violent in his remarks1 and concluded his address by demanding my expulsion4 ,he had conferred with a number of other preachers before ,conference came on1 and formed a considerable party1 and the clamor for my condemnation was both loud and somewhat general4 ,a gentleman1 however1 of great influence in ,conference1--the same who had pleaded for moderation at the ,conference previous1--rose and proposed a gentler course4 ,the result was a committee1 explanations and a settlement4 ,after the ,conference1 the terms of the settlement were misrepresented by my opponents1 and ,i felt called upon to put them in their proper light4 ,this revived the controversy1 and made matters worse than they had been before4 #ba4 ,i have referred to the rule which required young preachers to remain single for four or five years4 ,when a person was received into the ministry1 he was required to give a pledge that he would keep this rule4 ,i declined to give this pledge1 ,i said ,i had no intention to marry before the appointed time1 and that if ,i did so1 ,i should be in the hands of the ,conference1 and they could do with me what they thought best4 ,this was considered sufficient1 and ,i was accepted4 ,as it happened ,i did marry before the appointed time4 ,i had had such unsuitable lodgings found me where ,i had been stationed1 and ,i had suffered so much in consequence1 that ,i felt justified in taking a wife and providing accommodations for myself1 ,i took for my wife a woman of exemplary character1 of amiable disposition1 and engaging manners1 and ,i put the circuits in which ,i was stationed to no additional expense or trouble4 ,i took my own house1 and provided my own furniture4 ,and ,i neither begged nor borrowed a penny1 nor did ,i run one penny into debt4 ,and ,i worked as hard after marriage as before1 and probably harder1 and to better purpose4 ,the ,conference however punished me by putting me a year back1 and transporting me to the most distant part of a very distant circuit4 ,thither ,i had to remove my wife and furniture at great expense4 ,and the allowance for board there was the lowest that the laws allowed a society to give4 ,my whole yearly income was only forty pounds1 or two hundred dollars4 ,i was required too to be often and long from home in distant parts of the circuit4 ,i went however to my appointment and set to work1 disposed1 though sorrowful1 to do my duty4 ,i got a part of an old uninhabited house1 and my wife made it comfortable4 ,we lived economically1 and kept out of debt1 without the aid of either gifts or loans1 and ,i never had a happier year1 and my labors were never better received or more successful2 and ,blyth1 the place of my banishment1 will be dear to me as long as ,i live4 #bb4 ,yet ,i had many trials while stationed there4 ,my superintendent was unkind1 and tried from time to time to do me harm4 ,but though he caused me much trouble at times1 a higher power overruled things for my good4 ,one of the societies over which he had great influence was really cruel4 ,it refused to postpone a service to allow me to go and see my child when it was very ill1 and thought to be in great danger4 ,the circuit was nearly thirty miles in length1 and ,i had to spend nearly half my time from fifteen to twenty-three miles away from home4 ,once when starting for the most distant of my appointments1 ,i had left my little child very unwell1 and apparently in danger of death4 ,it was too bad that ,i should have had to leave my little family under such circumstances2 but the feeling in many parts of the circuit was so unfriendly towards me1 in consequence of the unfavorable representations of my views and habits of thought circulated by my superintendent and his friends1 that ,i could not have missed an appointment with safety4 ,i had been away five days1 when ,i heard that my child was worse1 and likely to die4 ,i had still one appointment to fulfil1 but ,i resolved1 if possible1 to get it postponed1 and hasten home4 ,i went to the place and requested the leaders to allow me to put off the appointment to the following week4 ,they refused my request4 ,i told them ,i had received word that my child was likely to die1 and that ,i was anxious to be with its afflicted mother2 but they would not give way4 ,i was sadly tried1 and ,i said1 ,i shall go home notwithstanding4 ,if ,i find my child alive and likely to recover1 ,i will return and preach2 if ,i do not find it better1 ,i shall not return4 ,i shall stay at home and take the consequences6 ,i had already walked thirteen miles4 ,it was ten or eleven more to ,blyth4 ,i walked the whole distance4 ,there was no conveyance4 ,my superintendent was allowed horse hire2 but ,i was not3 and ,i could not afford to pay for a horse myself out of sixteen dollars or three pound five a month4 ,i reached home1 and found my child a little better4 ,after a little rest1 ,i started back on foot to my appointment4 ,my wife looked out of the window after me1 weeping1 afraid to ask me to remain with her4 ,she knew the temper of my superintendent1 and the feeling of the people1 so she wept in silence4 ,i walked over ten miles more1 and then preached4 ,i walked altogether thirty-three miles that day4 ,i was very much tired2 but ,i had seen my wife and child1 so ,i went through my work without complaining1 and was up very early next morning1 and walked ten miles more to breakfast with my darling wife1 and to comfort her sorrowful heart4 ,my child got well1 and all things turned out happily in the end4 ,still1 the unkindness of the ,conference in punishing me so undeservedly1 and the cruelty of my superintendent and the ,westmoor leaders1 made me feel very keenly1 and ,i could never think of those matters without something like indignation and horror4 ,and all these annoyances lessened my respect for many of my brethren1 and helped to prepare the way for future troubles4 ,my troubles did not all come from the preachers4 ,there were several laymen in and about ,newcastle-on-,tyne1 who seemed to think it a duty to annoy their young minister4 ,the worst1 though in some respects the best1 of that class was ,thomas ,snowdon1 an old local preacher1 leader1 and trustee4 ,the first interview that ,i had with this man he took occasion to insult me respecting my marriage1 and also gave me to understand that he should expect me to be in perfect subjection to his will1 if ,i wished to enjoy much peace or comfort in the circuit4 ,it fell to my lot to be lodged and boarded for part of my time at his house1 and to show his way of proceeding ,i may give the following4 ,it was his custom to read a portion of the ,scriptures to his family every morning1 and as he passed along he would make comments on what he read4 ,when ,i was there1 he would frequently stop in his readings and comments1 to ask my opinion1 and he seemed to expect that ,i must always concur in what he said4 ,at times however ,i was obliged to dissent from his sayings1 and then would follow a little controversy4 ,those controversies were never very profitable1 in consequence of his constant desire to force his own opinions on me1 and to extort from me assent to his whimsical and foolish observations4 ,yet he still continued to force those controversies4 ,he also took upon himself the office of perpetual censurer of my discourses4 ,and his censures were generally proportioned to the goodness of the sermon4 ,if ,i happened to be particularly at liberty in my discourse1 and preach better than usual1 he would blame almost everything4 ,if ,i preached indifferently1 he would censure less2 and if ,i preached poorly1 if ,i was embarrassed in my discourse1 and seemed troubled or sad on that account1 he would scarcely censure at all4 ,then the things which he censured would be sure to be the best and truest parts of my sermon4 ,he appeared to think that he was out of his duty1 unless he was endeavoring to torture the mind of the young preacher1 and to force him1 if possible1 into subjection to his will4 ,on one occasion he and ,i had nearly quarrelled4 ,he had tried me till ,i could keep silence no longer1 so ,i told him plainly what ,i thought about his manner of proceeding4 ,i spoke so plainly1 that both he and his wife were seriously put about4 ,soon after that1 on my visiting the ,newcastle side of the circuit1 ,i found that the people at whose house ,i was then accustomed to sleep1 had gone off1 and closed the house1 so that ,i was obliged to look out for other lodgings4 ,i went directly to ,mr4 ,snowdon's4 ,he was the principal man in the circuit1 and it was his place to see that ,i was properly provided for4 ,his wife seemed astonished when ,i entered the house3 but ,i told her how the matter stood2 and ,i added1 that ,i did not feel disposed to go1 at that time of the night1 7for it was getting rather late7 to any other lodging2 so that ,i hoped she would give me a bed4 ,i also said1 that unless ,i could be accommodated with a bed there1 ,i would at once return to ,blyth4 ,she said1 ',i should always be glad to see you1 and to give you either bed or anything else1 if you would not disagree and dispute so with our master4' ,i replied1 ',it is your master that will disagree and dispute with me4 ,i should be quiet enough1 if he would let me alone4 ,i never force my opinions on him2 it is only when he attempts to force his opinions on me that ,i ever speak4 ,you must yourself have seen that he will neither allow me to be silent1 nor allow me quietly to speak my mind2 that he will oblige me to speak1 and yet always finds fault if ,i say anything at variance with what he says4' ,she acknowledged that her husband was rather queer in that respect1 but still thought that ,i might manage a great deal better with him if ,i would4 ,i told her ,i had done my best1 and that it was all to no purpose4 ',he will ask my opinion1' said ,i1 'on every subject that comes into his head1 and then begin to complain whenever my opinion happens to differ from his4' ,i also added1 that ,i thought he sometimes disputed with me merely for the sake of disputing1 and contradicted me1 not because he thought ,i was wrong1 but because he thought that it would be too much of a compliment to acknowledge that he agreed with me on any subject4 ,she thought ,i was too severe upon him4 ,i said1 ',well1 just wait and see to-night1 and if it is not as ,i have said1 you shall blame me as much as you like1 and ,i will acknowledge myself in error4' ,almost immediately ,mr4 ,snowdon came in4 ',what are you doing here to-night8' said he4 ',i have come to sleep here1' ,i replied1 'and more than that1 ,i must sleep here1 or else return to ,blyth4 ,mr4 ,g----'s house is closed1 and it is too late to seek a bed elsewhere4' ,he made no objections1 and things proceeded as usual4 ,he soon took his ,bible1 called the family around him1 and began to read4 ,the lesson was in ,isaiah4 ,he had not read far before he began to explain a passage4 ',this1' said he1 'refers to our blessed ,lord ,jesus ,christ4 ,it points out the glory of ,his character and of ,his person as the supreme ,god and ,lord of all2 exhibits ,him as the ,maker as well as the ,saviour of the world4 ,do you not think so1 ,mr4 ,barker8' said he4 ,i remained silent4 ',is not that your view of the subject1 ,mr4 ,barker8' he added4 ',i have no objections to offer1' ,i said4 ,this did not seem exactly to satisfy him2 but he went on1 and read again4 ',and so it is1' said he2 'we are all by nature as an unclean thing2 there is no health in us4 ,how deeply we are fallen1 ,mr4 ,barker6 ,do you not think so1 ,mr4 ,barker8' ,i made no reply4 ,he wished to know why ,i was silent4 ,i said ,i did not like to be always talking on those matters1--that ,i would rather he would read on1 and allow us to think about the chapter at our leisure afterwards4 ,all this time his wife was dreadfully fidgetty4 ,she wanted to speak to him1 but could not4 ,she wished to catch his attention by her looks1 but to no purpose4 ,the proof of the truth of what ,i had said was becoming too strong for her1 and she could scarcely sit still on her chair4 ,he proceeded3 ',this1' said he1 'refers to the glory of the ,church of ,christ in the latter days1 when the ,gentiles shall be converted1 and the ,jews brought back to their own land4 ,this will be a glorious time1 ,mr4 ,barker4 ,what are your views on this subject1 ,mr4 ,barker8' ,then he added some further remarks1 concluding with the question1 ',do you not think so1 ,mr4 ,barker8' ,i now began to laugh3 ,i could hold no longer4 ',and do you laugh at ,god's holy word8' said he3 and a terrible lecture he would have read me1 had not his wife broke out and said1 ',hinney1 you are to blame1 you are to blame4 ,you won't let ,mr4 ,barker alone3 he would be silent if you would allow him3 you are too bad4' ,he repeated his terrible rebuke of my levity1 and ,i began to explain4 ,i told him what had passed between his wife and me before he came in4 ,i told him all that ,i thought about his way of proceeding towards me in those matters1 and he1 poor fellow1 was completely confounded4 ,i told him that it seemed to me as if he really took pleasure in tormenting people2 as if he could not be happy unless he thought that he was making other people miserable1--that he seemed to begrudge those that were around him the least ease1 or quietness1 or pleasure1 and to wish to keep them on a perpetual rack4 ,it was his time now to explain and apologize1 and what do you think was the reason he assigned for his proceedings8 ',hinney1' said he1 ',mr4 ,barker is a young minister1 and ,i wish to inure him to hardness as a good soldier of our ,lord ,jesus ,christ4' ,i told him there were painful things enough in the world to inure men to hardness without his making more1 c4 ,after this he never annoyed me much in that way again4 ,he did not allow me to rest altogether2 that would have been too much2 but he was a vast deal better2 and if he ever after this began to be queer1 ,i always felt greater confidence in refusing to talk to him1 and in letting him know that ,i expected to be allowed to have a little of my own way4 ,i never could persuade myself but that this man was1 after all1 a good man4 ,i believe he really feared ,god and loved his fellow-men4 ,i think he was conscientious and benevolent4 ,among other proofs of his benevolence ,i may mention1 that he took an orphan family under his care1 and reared them4 ,he made them work1 it is true2 he made every one work that was under him2 but he fed them1 and clothed them1 and taught them in his way4 ,he acted1 in short1 like a father to them4 ,again1 when my mother came over to see me at ,newcastle1 he invited her to his house4 ,he showed her every possible attention4 ,he was as kind as it was possible for a man to be4 ,and when she had to leave for ,leeds1 he was up by four or five o'clock in the morning1 to provide her a comfortable breakfast1 and take her to the coach4 ,but ,i observed that he was always kinder to old people than to young people4 ,i suppose he thought that old people had had trouble enough1 and that he had therefore no need to give them more2 but that young people were in danger of being too happy1 of having too little trouble1 and that it was necessary therefore that he should be their tormentor4 ,but even to the young he could be kind on occasions1 very kind2 and if the young showed a disposition to meet his views1 to receive his sayings as oracles1 and always to consult his will1 he would even caress and commend them4 ,but he could receive no measured or limited subjection4 ,they must neither think1 nor speak1 nor smile1 nor stir but in accordance with his will if they wished to enjoy his favor4 ,the least imaginable opposition to his judgment or his pleasure1 would draw forth his rebukes4 ,there were laymen in almost all places who took upon themselves to tell you what you should believe and teach1 and to condemn you as a heretic if you did not attend to their suggestions4 #bd4 ,in #ahcg1 shortly after ,i was stationed in ,mossley1 ,i had a public discussion with a clergyman on the propriety or lawfulness of teaching the children of the poor to write in our ,sunday-schools4 ,the ,new ,connexion people in the ,mossley circuit taught writing in their ,sunday-schools1 and they had1 in consequence1 a very large attendance of scholars1 and very prosperous churches4 ,their scholars outnumbered those of all the other schools put together4 ,this seemed to annoy the ministers of the other denominations1 and it was no uncommon thing for those ministers1 when they came to preach the yearly sermons in behalf of the funds of their ,schools1 to say strong things against the practice of the ,new ,connexion4 ,dr4 ,nunn1 of the ,established ,church1 contended that it was ,sabbath-breaking1 and challenged the ,new ,connexion officials to a public discussion on the subject4 ,they accepted the challenge1 and appointed me their champion4 ,i contended1 that in the circumstances in which the children of the poor were placed at that time1 it was an act of mercy and ,christian beneficence to teach them to write on ,sundays4 ,the clergyman gave up the contest before the time allowed for the debate came to a close1 and ,i was proclaimed victor4 ,i published my views on the subject in a pamphlet1 entitled ,,mercy ,,triumphant1 which had an extensive circulation1 and produced a powerful effect on the views of large numbers of people4 ,some of my brethren denounced the pamphlet as heretical1 and the editor of the ,magazine took occasion to inform his readers1 in an offensive way1 that my views were not the views of the body to which ,i belonged4 #be4 ,in the ,sheffield circuit ,i had several unpleasant collisions with one of my colleagues1 and a couple of superannuated ministers1 about a rich but very unworthy member there4 ,this man was anxious to control the action of the whole circuit1 and even of the whole ,connexion1 and one of my colleagues1 and the two superannuated ministers1 one of which was ,mr4 ,allin1 my old and persistent opponent1 took his part4 ,i had myself no faith in the man4 ,i knew him to be both an ignorant and unworthy person4 ,he was1 in fact1 a drunkard4 ,both he and ,mr4 ,allin once1 after having spent the day at a public feast1 came into an official meeting drunk in the evening4 ,i was present1 and saw the horrible sight4 ,it afterwards came out that this rude1 ambitious man was something worse than a drunkard4 ,i did what ,i could to avoid an open rupture with my colleagues and this man's friends1 and succeeded for a time1 but they obliged me at last1 either to sanction what ,i felt to be wrong1 or openly to protest against their proceedings4 ,i protested4 ,and now the unsubstantial peace which had existed between us for a time was followed by a very unhappy rupture1 which left deep and angry wounds in the hearts of all the contending parties4 #bf4 ,but to give all the incidents which proved the occasion of bitter feeling and alienation between me and a number of my brethren would require a book4 ,they were happening almost continually4 ,when once people have ceased to regard each other with love and confidence1 they can neither speak nor stir without giving each other offence4 ,and this was the state to which ,i and several of my brethren had come4 ,indeed such was the unhappy state of our feelings1 that we had ceased to take pleasure in pleasing1 and had come almost to take delight in trying one another4 ,instead of coming as near together as we could1 we got as far as possible apart4 ,we came at length to feel a kind of gratification in finding what appeared good reasons for differing from one another4 ,the consequence was1 we came to differ from each other so much1 that it became impossible for us to work together to any advantage4 ,and there was no one with wisdom and piety sufficient to interpose and heal the breach1 or even to prevent it from getting continually wider4 ,the gentleman who had acted as mediator and moderator when my article on ,toleration and ,human ,creeds was arraigned1 and who had also brought about the temporary settlement of a more serious dispute at the ,conference following1 now found the case beyond his powers1 and made no further attempts at reconciliation4 ,he saw it necessary1 if he would retain his influence in the ,body1 to become a partizan1 instead of a mediator1 and he chose the side of my opponents4 ,there were two other men--two of the oldest and ablest of our ministers--and two of the most exemplary ,christians in the ,body--who saw the danger of the tempest that was raging against me1 and who would have been glad to screen me from its violence1 but they were afraid to interpose4 ,they loved me and esteemed me1 and sympathized with me in many of my views2 but to have attempted to save me from the fury of my opponents1 would have been to risk their own reputation and position4 ,one of them had already suffered in consequence of the freedom with which he had expressed his views on certain anti-christian doctrines1 though he had written with far more caution1 and acted with much more prudence1 than ,i had done2 and he no doubt felt1 that if he could not1 without so much difficulty1 save himself1 it would be vain to attempt to save another1 who had spoken and written with so much more freedom1 and acted with so much more independence4 ,so the storm was left to rage and spend its fury on my own head4 ,i cannot give an account of all that followed during the last two years which ,i spent in connection with the ,church2 it would make my story too long4 ,but things got worse and worse as time passed on4 ,in #ahdj ,i brought my ,evangelical ,reformer to a close4 ,in the last number ,i declared my unchanged belief in the sentiments set forth in my article on ,toleration1 ,human ,creeds1 c4 ,i also contradicted the reports that had been spread abroad by my enemies1 to the effect that ,i had1 at the preceding ,conference1 retracted certain expressions used in my writings with regard to justification1 the witness of the ,spirit1 c42 and censured the conduct of the ruling party in my case in very plain terms4 ,i said1 ,if any of my opponents imagine that ,i have recanted a single sentence that ,i have published in this work1 they are under some misapprehension4 ,there is not a doctrine that ,i have inculcated in it that ,i do not still maintain4 ,and ,i declare my full conviction that the resolutions which were passed in reference to me by the ,ashton and ,huddersfield ,conferences were based in error1 and that the proceedings of my opponents in this matter were uncalled for and unchristian4 ,my enemies at once decided on my expulsion4 ,their purpose was to cast me out at the following ,conference1 and ,mr4 ,allin published a small tract in reply to my article on ,human ,creeds1 to prepare the minds of the people for the intended measure4 ,he published it just before ,conference1 when he supposed it would be impossible for me to prepare a reply before the ,body assembled4 ,i never saw it till the evening of ,thursday1 the day but one before that on which ,i was to leave home for the distant place where the ,conference was to meet4 ,but ,i wrote a reply the same night1 and got it printed1 and in less than twenty-four hours it was circulating in every direction4 ,i had been able to show that my opponent's arguments proved just the contrary of what they were brought forward to prove4 ,i also showed that the views advocated in my article were the views of ,mr4 ,kilham1 the founder of the ,body to which we all belonged1 and were1 in fact1 the views of some of the best and ablest men that the ,church universal had ever produced4 ,i gave quite a multitude of quotations justifying my article to the very letter4 ,the effect was astounding4 ,the people saw at once that ,i was right4 ,my enemies were confounded4 ,they were paralyzed4 ,and ,i was saved4 ,but it was only for a time4 ,the contest had lasted so long1 and had produced such a fearful amount of unhappy feeling between me and my opponents1 that reconciliation and comfortable co-operation had become impossible4 ,it could not be expected that a powerful party would rest content under a defeat2 and it was not in me to give up my efforts to bring about a better state of things in the ,connexion4 ,and hence a renewal of the unhappy strife4 ,it is natural to suppose that my enemies would now be anxious to get rid of me1 and would watch for a suitable occasion to cast me out2 and my ideas of duty were such1 that it was impossible for me long to refrain from giving them the opportunity they desired4 ,i did it as follows4 #a4 ,the early churches provided for their poor members4 ,the ,quakers1 the ,moravians1 and the early ,methodists did the same4 ,this exercise of brotherly love is enjoined by ,christ and ,his ,apostles4 ,i urged this duty on the church to which ,i belonged4 ,i preached and published a sermon on the subject1 and circulated a number of tracts on the same point1 published by others4 #b4 ,the travelling preachers had a ,fund1 called the ,beneficent ,fund1 for the support of superannuated preachers and preachers' widows4 ,some of the rules of this fund seemed to me to be anti-christian1 and ,i labored to get them altered4 ,i also recommended that there should be a fund for worn-out and needy local preachers4 #c4 ,members of the churches mingled with drunkards1 profligates1 and infidels1 in benefit societies1 and many other associations4 ,this seemed to me to be very objectionable1 and plainly unscriptural1 and ,i recommended that they should come out from such societies1 and form associations for good objects among themselves4 #d4 ,wesley had provided cheap books and pamphlets for his societies1 and ,i urged the ,conference to do the same for ours4 ,i wrote letters to the ,annual ,committee1 the representatives of the ,connexion1 showing that books published at eight or ten shillings a volume1 could be supplied at one or one and sixpence4 ,i reminded them of the fact that the ,book-room had abundance of spare capital which might be profitably used in such a work1 and ,i pointed out the advantages likely to result from the encouragement of thoughtful and studious habits among the people4 ,i published a pamphlet on the subject1 entitled ,the ,church and the ,press1 showing that the churches might almost monopolize the supply of books1 and become the teachers and the rulers of the nations1 ,i said1 ,if the ,church at large would do its duty1 every dark place on earth might be visited1 and the seeds of truth and righteousness sown in every part of the globe in a few years4 ,with regard to our own ,connexion ,i said1 ,our ,magazine and ,book-room1 which ought to be promoting the intellectual and religious improvement of the ,connexion and the world1 are doing just nothing at all1 or next to nothing4 ,the leading articles of the ,magazine are among the dullest and most useless things ever printed4 ,the ,book-room1 which has capital enough to publish thirty or forty new books a year1 does not issue one4 ,an institution which ought to be filling the ,connexion and the country generally with the light and blessings of ,christianity1 and which is capable of being made a blessing to the world at large1 is allowed to 'stand there all the day idle4' ,i then proposed1 as a means of stimulating the ,book ,committee and the ,editor of the ,magazine to greater activity1 that ,i and my friends should be allowed to publish a periodical1 and to establish a ,book-room1 at our own expense4 ,the proposal was not only rejected1 but even treated as a capital offence4 #e4 ,i had labored hard against the infidel socialists1 lecturing against them in almost all the large towns in the kingdom1 and ,i was1 to a great extent1 the means of breaking up their societies4 ,but my contests with those infidels made me more sensible of the necessity of abandoning all human additions to ,christ's doctrine1 and of having nothing to defend but the beautiful and beneficent principles of pure unadulterated ,christianity4 ,hence ,i became still less of a sectarian in my belief1 and more and more of a simple ,christian1 and ,i labored to promote a stricter conformity to the teachings of ,christ among ministers and ,christians generally4 #f4 ,i wrote against the waste of ,god's money by professing ,christians in luxurious living and vain show1 and exhorted the rich to employ their surplus wealth in doing good4 #g4 ,that it might not be said that ,i received pay from the church for doing one kind of work while ,i employed a portion of my time in doing others1 ,i gave up my salary1 and refused to receive anything from the circuit in which ,i was stationed1 except what was given me as a free-will offering4 #h4 ,i withdrew from the preachers' benefit society1 resolved1 in case of sickness or old age1 to trust for a supply of my wants to the providence of ,god4 #i4 ,i recommended the ,connexion to pay off all the chapel debts1 and prepare itself for more vigorous and extensive aggressions on the kingdom of darkness4 ,all these things increased the anxiety of my opponents to get me out of the ministry2 but they would probably have failed to give them the power to accomplish their object1 if ,i had gone no farther4 ,but ,i believed it my duty to take another step4 #aj4 ,it was the custom in the ,body to which ,i belonged1 to baptize children in the name of the ,father1 the ,son1 and the ,holy ,ghost4 ,this form of words was understood by me to imply that infant baptism was commanded by ,god in ,scripture4 ,this1 however1 ,i doubted1 and ,i declined to use the words when naming or baptizing children4 ,i had no objection to name children1 to pray for them1 or even to sprinkle them2 but ,i could not use an expression in a sense in which ,i did not think it strictly true4 ,this emboldened my enemies to attempt my expulsion without more ado1 and this time they adopted measures calculated to ensure success4 ,they issued circulars on the subject to the ministers and to the leading and influential laymen4 ,they called secret meetings4 ,they employed a variety of means which seemed to me and my friends to savor more of ,popish tyranny than of ,christian discipline4 ,at length ,conference came1 and ,i was called to account4 ,the charges against me were-- #a4 ,that ,i had denied the divine appointment of baptism1 and refused to administer the ordinance4 #b4 ,that ,i had denied the divine appointment and present obligation of the ,lord's supper4 #c4 ,that ,i had declared myself opposed to the beneficent fund4 #d4 ,that ,i had announced the formation of a book establishment1 thereby engaging in worldly pursuits1 contrary to rule1 and by this means opposing the best interests of the ,book-room4 ,none of those charges were true4 #a4 ,what ,i proposed to do with regard to the supply of books1 was no more worldly business than preaching was1 or selling the publications of the ,connexion4 ,the object was not profit1 but extended usefulness4 #b4 ,i had not declared myself opposed to the ,beneficent ,fund1 but had simply proposed the improvement of its rules1 and the extension of its operations4 #c4 ,i had not denied either the divine appointment or present obligation of the ,lord's supper4 #d4 ,nor had ,i denied the divine appointment of baptism1 but only declared my belief that water baptism1 though a becoming rite under the ,christian dispensation1 was the baptism of ,john1 and absolutely binding only under his intermediate dispensation4 ,the two latter charges were not pressed1 and even the second was speedily given up1 the one on baptism only remaining4 ,this was pressed1 and as my views on the subject were deemed intolerable1 ,i was expelled4 ,there was a fearful display of bad feeling on the part of many of my opponents4 ,and no little pressure was brought to bear on those who were opposed to extreme measures4 ,it was a time of terrible trial to those who showed themselves my friends4 ,the height to which the excitement against me rose can hardly be made intelligible to my readers of the present day4 ,i regarded the proceedings of my opponents from beginning to end as dishonorable1 unjust and cruel4 ,they have gone1 said ,i1 in my account of the proceedings of the ,conference1 they have gone in opposition to every dictate both of equity and charity4 ,the principles on which they have acted are the low1 the dark1 and the tyrannical principles of ,popery4 ,they have covered themselves with dishonor1 and earned for themselves a name for injustice1 intolerance and cruelty1 beyond all the religious denominations in the land4 ,many a time1 as ,i sat in my place in ,conference1 hearing what was said1 and observing what was done1 ,i asked myself1 ',is this like ,christ8 ,can this be pleasing to ,god8 ,what must angels think to look upon a scene like this8 ,perpetual talk about the authority of ,conference and the majesty of the rules2 but not a word about the authority of ,christ1 or the majesty and supremacy of the ,gospel4 ,and such overbearing1 such harshness1 such determined unrelenting cruelty towards all who showed a determination to act according to their own convictions of duty4' ,in the evenings1 after the sittings of ,conference were adjourned1 ,i and a friend frequently walked out among the hills surrounding the town1 conversing with each other1 and with our heavenly ,father1 and oh6 what a contrast6 ,what a boundless contrast between the atmosphere of ,conference1 and the atmosphere of those sweet hills6 ,what an infinite relief to be placed beyond the sound of angry strife1 and jealous1 persecuting rage2 to walk at large over the lofty hills1 to breathe the fresh air of heaven1 to converse with ,god1 to look upon ,his wondrous works1 to hear the sweet music of the birds1 to trace the silent path of the shadowy woods1 or to stand on the exposed1 uncovered peaks of the mountain tops1 and cast one's eyes on fruitful vales1 and quiet homes1 and all that earth can show of grand and beautiful1 and most of all1 to see in every sight the hand of ,god--to hear in every sound ,his voice1--to feel that the ,great1 ,almighty1 ,unseen ,spirit of the ,universe1 that lived and worked through all1 was our ,father and our love1--to feel that we were one with ,him1 and that ,he was one with us4 ',this is heaven1' ,i cried2 and1 pointing to the scene of strife and hate that lurked below1 ,i added1 ',that is hell4' ,never before did we understand why ,jesus1 after having spent the day in crowds1 and being harassed with the captious1 cruel1 persecuting ,scribes and ,pharisees1 retired at night into the desert1 or withdrew to the mountains4 ,never before did the ,gospel seem so true a story4 ,never before were we brought into such living sympathy with the ,saviour of mankind4 ,i can recollect nothing ,i ever met with so trying as to sit in ,conference2 but in our walks upon the high places1 ,god made up for all4 ,well1 ,i added1 ,i thank ,god ,i am now free4 ,my ,conference trials are ended4 ,o never more may ,i be found shut up with men who set at nought the authority of ,christ1 and who1 by all the cruel acts of unrelenting persecution1 strive to bend the immortal godlike mind into unnatural subjection to their ambitious will4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,explanations4 ,a few explanations are required before we go further4 ,explanation ,first4 ,the ,different ,methodist ,bodies4 ,the ,methodist ,body to which my parents belonged1 and to which ,i myself belonged till ,i was twenty-one years of age1 was the ,old ,connexion or ,wesleyan ,body4 ,i was a local preacher in that ,body1 and was expected and requested to go out as a travelling preacher4 ,but insurmountable difficulties lay in the way4 ,in the first place1 none could be received as travelling preachers1 unless they were willing to go to whatever part of the world the conference or the missionary committee might think fit to send them1 and unless they could express their willingness to be so disposed of before they went out4 ,this ,i could not do4 ,it was my conviction that ,god had called me to labor in my own country1 and to do good amongst my own people4 ,i did not believe myself called to go to any foreign country to preach the gospel1 and ,i did not therefore feel at liberty to offer to go out on the terms required4 ,i felt as if ,i should do wrong to expose myself to unseen dangers and unknown trials and difficulties in foreign lands1 without a conviction that ,god required it at my hands4 ,and ,i could not think that ,i should be likely to succeed in missionary labors1 unless ,i could enter on them with a belief that those were the labors for which ,god designed me4 ,there was another difficulty4 ,conference had made a new law1 establishing a new test of orthodoxy1 and no one could be taken out as a travelling preacher now1 who could not subscribe to the doctrine of the ,eternal ,sonship1 as taught by ,richard ,watson and ,jabez ,bunting1 in opposition to ,adam ,clarke4 ,this test ,i could not subscribe4 ,i cannot say that ,i altogether disbelieved the doctrine of the ,eternal ,sonship2 but ,i was not in a state of mind to justify me in subscribing the doctrine4 ,whether the doctrine of the ,eternal ,sonship was right or not1 ,i had not a firm belief in it3 and that was reason enough why ,i should refuse to subscribe it4 ,about this time ,conference passed laws forbidding the teaching of writing in all the ,sunday ,schools4 ,i disapproved of these laws1 and was unable to bind myself to enforce them4 ,i was obliged therefore to give up all thoughts of becoming a travelling preacher in the ,old ,connexion4 ,not long after this1 disturbances took place in the ,methodist society in ,leeds1 respecting the introduction of an organ into ,brunswick ,chapel4 ,conference1 through the importunities of some rich people1 had broken through its own laws1 and given authority for the introduction of an organ into ,brunswick ,chapel contrary to the wishes of a great part of the members1 trustees1 local preachers1 and leaders4 ,i of coarse disapproved of this proceeding on the part of ,conference4 ,i had heard the ,rev4 ,joseph ,suttcliffe speak very seriously and with great and sorrowful dissatisfaction of the proceedings of those who were then at the head of ,methodistical affairs1 and though ,i did not1 at the time1 rightly understand him1 events that took place afterwards1 both brought his words to my mind1 and showed me their meaning4 ,in consequence of what ,i saw1 ,i began to be greatly dissatisfied with the manner in which things were carried on in the society4 ,a division took place in ,leeds1 and in several other places1 and the seceders formed a new body1 called the ,protestant ,methodists4 ,i left the old ,body at the same time1 but having heard favorable accounts of the ,methodist ,new ,connexion1 ,i joined that community4 ,this ,body had seceded from the ,old ,connexion some thirty years before1 under the ,leadership of ,alexander ,kilham4 ,kilham was a great reformer both in religion and politics4 ,he sympathized with the ,french revolutionists1 and with the ,english religious ,latitudinarians4 ,he was a great admirer of ,robert ,robinson of ,cambridge1 and reprinted1 in his periodical1 the ,methodist ,monitor1 his writings on religious liberty4 ,he denounced all human creeds1 and proclaimed the ,bible the one sole authority in the church both in matters of doctrine and matters of duty4 ,the conference of the ,body was to consist of one-half preachers and the other half laymen4 ,in the circuit and society meetings the power was to be divided in the same way4 ,a list of doctrines generally held in the ,body was afterwards drawn up and published1 but was not put forward as an authoritative creed4 ,the writings of ,wesley and ,fletcher were referred to1 but not as authorities1 but only as works to be consulted4 ,i found on looking through the rules1 that there was nothing to hinder me from becoming a travelling preacher in this ,body4 ,i offered myself as a member1 and was received4 ,i was then sent out as a travelling preacher2 and it is to this ,body chiefly that ,i refer in this work4 ,i entered the ministry with the full understanding that ,i should have perfect ,christian liberty both of thought and speech1--that nothing was required of any minister but a belief in the ,new ,testament1 a life in accordance with its teachings1 and the abilities necessary to fit him for his work4 ,the perfection of the ,scriptures1 both as a rule of faith and a rule of life1 was one of the first articles in the connexional list of doctrines1 and each preacher was left to interpret the ,scriptures for himself4 ,to show that the liberty ,i took in revising my creed was in full agreement with the principles on which the ,body to which ,i belonged was founded1 ,i will give a quotation or two from the ,founder's works4 ,subscription to all human creeds implies two dispositions contrary to true religion1 love of dominion over conscience in the imposer1 and slavery in the subscribers4 ,the first usurps the right of ,christ2 the last implies allegiance to a pretender4 ,vol4 ,i1 page #gg4 ,the revelation itself is infallible1 and the ,author of it has given it me to examine2 but the establishment of a given meaning of it renders examination needless1 and perhaps dangerous4 ,p4 #gh4 ,i have no patience with those who cover their own stupidity1 pride1 or laziness1 with a pretended acquiescence in the unexamined opinions of men who very probably never examined their own opinions themselves1 but professed those which lay nearest at hand1 and which best suited their base secular interest4 ,vol4 ,,ii1 p4 #cdj4 ,i am seriously of opinion1 and ,i wish all my readers would seriously consider it1 that real ,christianity will never thoroughly prevail and flourish in the world1 till the professors of it are brought to be upon better terms with one another2 lay aside their mutual jealousies and animosities1 and live as brethren in sincere harmony and love2 but which will1 ,i apprehend1 never be1 till conscience is left entirely free2 and the plain ,,bible become in ,,fact1 as it is in ,,profession1 the ,,only rule of their religious faith and practice4 ,p4 #bga4 ,such were the sentiments which ,alexander ,kilham thought proper to publish on the subject of creeds4 ,he adds1 that he did so for the purpose of giving to our people and others suitable views of religious liberty in general1 ,,and ,,of ,,what ,,ought ,,to ,,be ,,established ,,among ,,us ,,in ,,particular4 ,in all ,i did1 then1 both in endeavoring to bring my views into harmony with the teachings of ,christ1 and in suggesting reforms in the laws and institutions of the ,body1 ,i acted in perfect accordance with the principles on which the ,connexion was founded4 ,whether the principle was a good one or not may be questioned3 all ,i say is1 it sanctioned my course4 ,explanation ,second4 ,immoralities4 ,what ,i say of immoralities in ministers and members of the ,church refers chiefly to ministers and members of the ,new ,connexion4 ,i must not however be understood as saying that the ministers and members of the ,old ,connexion were free from such vices4 ,they were not4 ,james ,etchells1 the minister who drank sixteen glasses of intoxicating drinks on one round of pastoral calls1 and ,john ,farrar1 his superintendent1 whom he got suspended for drunkenness1 and ,richard ,wilson1 who opened the first spirit shop in my native town1 and corrupted the people all round the country1 and ,timothy ,bentley1 the great ,brewer and ,poisoner-,general of the bodies and souls of the ,yorkshire people1 and ,john ,falkener1 of ,new ,castle-on-,tyne1 the wholesale ,beershop-,keeper1 c41 were all members and high officials in the ,wesleyan ,body4 ,and ,i never heard of a man being either kept out or put out of the ,wesleyan ,connexion either for being a ,brewer1 a ,distiller1 a ,spirit ,merchant1 a ,ginshop ,keeper1 a ,publican1 a ,pawnbroker1 or a ,beershop-keeper4 ,and ,i never heard of the ,conference doing anything to promote teetotalism1 or the suppression of the liquor trade4 ,the rules and teachings of ,wesley1 and the principles of ,christ on this subject1 were as little cared for in the ,old as in the ,new ,connexion4 ,there were points though in which the ,old ,connexion seemed to me superior to the ,new4 ,there seemed more hearty religiousness in the ,old ,connexion than in the ,new4 ,the preachers in the ,old ,connexion seemed to be a higher order of men1 both in piety and intelligence4 ,they seemed to be kinder too to each other1 less jealous1 less envious1 and less disposed to annoy and persecute one another4 ,and they worked harder4 ,they had more of the spirit of ,wesley4 ,they were less anxious to steal sheep from other folds1 and more disposed to go out into the wilderness to bring in those which were astray4 ,with many of the ,new ,connexion members religion was too much of a form and a name3 with an immense number in the ,old ,connexion it was a life and a power4 ,hence the ,old ,connexion prospered1 while the ,new ,connexion languished and declined4 ,the ,new ,connexion trusted to their democratic principles of church government for additions1 and were disappointed4 ,the ,old ,connexion trusted to honest1 zealous1 ,christian work1 and succeeded4 ,the ,old ,connexion1 bred great and mighty men1 the ,new ,connexion bred weak and little ones4 ,the ,new ,connexion was afraid of superior men1 and if any made their appearance1 drove them away1 as in the case of ,richard ,watson and others2 the ,old ,connexion welcomed such men1 and used them1 and reaped from their labors rich harvests of blessing4 ,i might myself perhaps1 if my way into its ministry had not been blocked up1 have been much more happy and useful in the ,old ,connexion than in the ,new1 and have had a very different story to tell in my old age1 from that which ,i am telling you now4 ,i don't know4 ,no2 ,i don't know4 ,it is quite possible that ,i was so formed1--that religious freedom was so essential to the soul ,god had given me1--that ,i should have broken through the enclosures of any sect1 and made for myself a history like that which ,i am now writing4 ,but speculations on such subjects are all vain4 ,a man can live but once1 and in one way1 and all we can do now is to live well for the future1--as well as we can4 ,god help us4 ,god will help us4 ,and we must not suppose that because we have not had the lot which imagination pictures as most desirable1 we have lived in vain4 ,let us look on matters in a more cheerful light4 ,the world1 and all our affairs1 are in the hands of an all-perfect ,god1 and always have been1 and ,i am inclined to believe1 that with regard to myself1 ,he has done all things well4 ,i meant to do right from the first4 ,i never wickedly departed from ,god4 ,i erred unintentionally and unexpectedly4 ,i erred seeking for the truth4 ,i erred praying to ,god to lead me right4 ,and ,i am inclined to believe that my course was not entirely of myself1 but was a discipline appointed me by a higher power1 and meant to further some desirable end4 ,so ,i will go on hoping and rejoicing1 interpreting ,god's doings as favorably as ,i can1 and believing1 that what ,i know not now1 ,i shall know hereafter4 ,and all the time ,i will rejoice in ,god's love1 and sing ,glory1 ,hallelujah4 ,explanation ,third4 ,christianity and ,methodism not to ,blame4 ,do not let any one judge of ,christianity or ,methodism1 nor even of the whole body of the ,methodist ,church1 from the cases of immorality which ,i have found it necessary to name4 ,christianity and real ,wesleyan ,methodism are as opposed to bad trades and bad deeds as light is to darkness4 ,and bad as things were in the churches to which ,i have referred1 a large portion1 if not the great bulk of the members1 were sincere ,christians1 fearing ,god and working righteousness4 ,nor were all the preachers bad-hearted or cruel men4 ,it often happens that a few control the many4 ,and the ruling few are often worse than the many whom they rule4 ,the least worthy members of the church are often1 like ,diotrephes1 eager for the pre-eminence1 while the best are modest and retiring4 ,it is not always the cream that comes to the top1 either in civil or religious society2 it is sometimes the scum4 ,and my readers must take these things into account while reading my story4 ,the early ,methodist churches were blessed organizations1 bitterly as ,wesley and ,fletcher lamented their shortcomings and backslidings4 ,with all their faults they were the lights of the world1 and the salt of the earth4 ,they are so still4 ,they were so in the days of which ,i write4 ,and the same may be said of other churches4 ,they fall very far short of the perfection of ,christian knowledge and holiness1 but they are as far in advance of a godless world1 as ,christianity is in advance of them4 ,i think it no objection to ,christians or to ,christian churches that they do not at once embody and exemplify ,christian truth and virtue in all their fullness1 any more than ,i think it an objection to men of science and scientific associations that they do not know and set forth all the laws of the material universe4 ,men are finite1 while ,nature and ,christianity are infinite4 ,christianity will always be ahead of churches1 and nature will always be ahead of science1 as ,god will always be ahead of man4 ,i would have churches and ministers improve1 and ,i would tell them of their faults and shortcomings that they may see where improvement is wanted1 but ,i would not on any account do them injustice1 or give countenance to the infidel slander that the church is worse than the godless world1 or a twentieth part as bad4 ,and though ,i would explain how unhappily ,i was influenced by the errors and misdoings of my brethren1 that ,i may make my apostacy from ,christ intelligible1 ,i have no desire to make the impression that all with whom ,i came in uncomfortable collision were great sinners1 while ,i was a meek and faultless saint4 ,i know the contrary4 ,there were errors and failings on both sides4 ,i may sometimes think ',i was more sinned against than sinning1' but at other times ,i am ashamed and confounded at my great and grievous errors4 ,god forgive me4 ,i was dreadfully tried at times by my brethren2 but my brethren were tried by me at other times past all endurance4 ,god only knows which was most to blame2 but ,i was bad enough4 ,if either ,i or my brethren had been as wise and good as men should strive to be1 both they and ,i might have had a very different story to tell2 a story much more agreeable to our readers and much more creditable to ourselves4 ,but the past is past1 and my brethren1 most of them1 have gone to judgment1 and ,i am hastening after2 and it behooves me to tell as fair a story1 and to tell it in as meek and lowly and loving a spirit as possible4 ,and ,i here declare1 that if any expression of bitterness1 or any statement savoring of harshness or injustice1 escapes my lips1 ,i wish it softened1 and brought into harmony with perfect truth and charity4 ,it is very difficult1 when a man is giving an account of his life1 to be strictly just and impartial4 ,perhaps it is impossible4 ,it is very difficult1 when he is telling of his trials1 to keep from all expressions of strong and unpleasant feeling towards those whom he regards as the causes of his trials4 ,perhaps this also is impossible4 ,my readers must consider this1 and make allowances both for me and my brethren4 ,and both my readers and ,i must try to bear in mind1 that men are not the sole actors in the pitiable blunders and melancholy tragedies of their lives4 ,god had to do with the descent of ,joseph into ,egypt4 ,his brethren were the visible actors1 but a ,great ,invisible ,actor directed and controlled their doings4 ,our ignorance and our vices are our own1 but the form they take in action1 and the effects they produce1 are ,god's4 ,shimei's wickedness was his own1 but it was ,god that caused it to show itself in throwing stones at ,david4 ,all our trials are1 in truth1 from ,god1 and it would be well for us to regard them in that light4 ,and we ought no more to be malignantly resentful towards the men whom ,god makes use of to try us1 than we ought to murmur against ,god4 ,we should try to go through all with the meek and quiet spirit with which ,jesus went through the still greater trials that lay in ,his path4 ,and in speaking of our trials1 we should try to exhibit the sweet forgiving temper that shines out so gloriously in the life and death of the ,redeemer4 ,and if we can go a step farther1 and rejoice in tribulation1 and smile in peaceful tranquility at the erring but divinely guided actors in our trials1 so much the better4 ,and if we can believe that all things work together for good not only to them that love ,god1 but even to those who for a time are unwittingly separated from ,god1 why should we not 'rejoice evermore1 and in everything give thanks8' ,my gracious ,god1 ,i know that there are expressions in this book that might have been better1--that feelings sometimes show themselves that are not the perfection of ,christian love and meekness2 and ,i ask ,thee in ,thy mercy to forgive them all3 ,and ,i pray ,thee so to influence my soul for the time to come1 and to enable me so to use my tongue and pen1 that all ,i say and write may savor of ,jesus1 be in agreement with my ,christian profession1 and tend to the instruction and spiritual improvement of my hearers and readers4 ,explanation ,fourth4 ,my ,own ,defects4 ,my character was very defective in my early days4 ,i have felt this a hundred times while ,i have been writing and revising the foregoing pages4 ,i was wanting in humility4 ,there were some kinds of pride from which ,i was probably free2 but there were others of which ,i had more than my share4 ,and ,i was lacking in meekness4 ,i could control myself and keep quite calm in a public debate2 but could be angry and resentful in other cases4 ,i was not sufficiently forbearing4 ,i was not sufficiently forgiving4 ,and ,i was too critical1 too pugnacious1 too controversial4 ,i was too much in the habit of looking for defects in what ,i heard and read2 defects in style2 errors in thought2 mistakes in reasoning2 faults in arrangement2 and improprieties in manner and spirit4 ,considering that ,i was to a great extent self-taught1 that much that ,i learned ,i learned after ,i had become almost a man1 this perhaps was natural2 but it was a disadvantage4 ,it would have been better if ,i had sought only for the true1 the good1 the beautiful in what ,i heard1 and read1 and saw4 ,i ought1 perhaps1 instead of exercising my critical powers on others1 to have contented myself with exercising them on my own character and performances1 and with endeavoring in all things to set an example of what was worthy of imitation4 ,it may be that ,i was naturally1 constitutionally critical2 but that does not make it right or wise4 ,i ought to have warred with my constitutional propensities1 and to have kept my critical tendencies within the bounds of prudence and charity4 ,but this wisdom was too high for me in my early days1 and ,i fear that while ,i was pressing attention to practical matters on others1 ,i was myself too much busied in doctrinal matters4 ,i was too zealous against certain doctrines while rebuking others for being too zealous for them4 ,while they were too doctrinal and controversial positively1 ,i was too doctrinal and controversial negatively4 ,they erred in going too far2 ,i was too zealous in pushing them back4 ,in many things my enemies were wrong3 but there were other things in which ,i was not right4 ,they were very foolish2 and ,i was far from wise4 ,i see it1 ,i feel it all1 and ,i lament it too4 ,and still ,i feel the remains of my old defects and vices clinging to me4 ,i have still great need of the mercy of ,god1 and of the forbearance and kind consideration of my brethren4 ,god help me1 if it be not too late1 to improve both in wisdom and in ,christian virtue4 ,my ,gracious ,god1 it is ,thy wish that ,thy people 'should be conformed to the image of ,thy ,son1 that ,he might be the first-born among many brethren4' ,oh1 if ,i could but approach that point1 and be worthy to take some humble place as a brother of that glorious embodiment of all moral and spiritual excellence1 what would ,i not give1--what would ,i not do6 ,if it be possible1 ,make me1 by thy transforming love1 ,dear ,saviour1 daily more like ,thee4 ,and while the blessed process of transformation is going on1 keep me1 ,o ,thou ,friend and ,saviour of mankind1 from every evil word and deed1 and from every great and grievous error4 ,explanation ,fifth4 ,theology and ,theologians4 ,if any think ,i have been too severe in my remarks on theology and theologians1 and on the preachers who mock their hearers with theological vanities1 and puzzle them with their senseless theological dialect1 let them read the remarks of the ,rev4 ,joseph ,parker1 ,d4 ,d41 ,g4 ,gilfillan1 ,albert ,barnes1 ,john ,wesley1 ,richard ,baxter1 and others on this subject4 ,quotations from their writings may be found farther on in the volume4 ,we would give a few of their remarks here1 but we must now hasten on with our story4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,the ,,story ,,continued4 ,,what ,,followed ,,expulsion4 ,,desperate ,,word ,,fighting4 ,,abuse4 ,i was expelled on a ,saturday afternoon4 ,i was unable to stay till the closing scene1 as ,i had an engagement to preach anniversary sermons on the ,sunday1 some thirty miles away4 ,but the news soon reached me1 and ,i received it with strange and indescribable emotions4 ,i felt that something very important had happened1--that ,i was placed in a new and serious position1 and was entering on a new and untried way of life2 but ,i little dreamt what the results would be4 ,i expected an eventful future1 but not the kind of future that was really waiting for me4 ,i anticipated trials1 and sorrows1 and great changes2 but how strangely different the realities have proved from what ,i anticipated in my fevered dreams6 ,but ,i had strong faith in ,god1 and a firm trust in ,his all-perfect ,providence1 and no one saw me tremble or turn pale4 ,i had not been expelled long when ,i found myself face to face with a terrible host of trials4 ,some who had promised to stand by my side took fright1 and left me to my fate4 ,some found their interests were endangered by their attachment to me1 and fell away4 ,some were influenced by the threats of their masters1 and some by the tears and entreaties of their kindred1 and reluctantly joined the ranks of my enemies4 ,some thought ,i should have yielded a point or two1 and were vexed at what they called my obstinacy4 ,there were fearful and melancholy changes4 ,people who had always heretofore received me with smiles of welcome1 now looked cold and gloomy4 ,some raged1 some wept1 and some embraced me with unspeakable tenderness2 while some wished me dead1 and said it had been better for me if ,i had never been born4 ,one man1 a person of considerable influence1 who had encouraged me in my movements1 and joined me in lamenting the shortcomings of the ,connexion1 and in condemning the conduct of my opponents1 no sooner saw that ,i was doomed1 than he sent me a most unfeeling letter4 ,i met the postman and got the letter in the street1 and read it as ,i walked along4 ,it pained me terribly1 but it comforted me to think that it had not fallen into the hands of my delicate and sensitive wife4 ,that no other eye might see it1 and no other soul be afflicted with the treachery and cruelty of the writer1 ,i tore it in pieces1 and threw it into the ,tyne1 and kept the matter a secret from those whose souls it might have shocked too rudely for endurance4 ,another man1 who had said to me a short time before my expulsion1 that whoever else might close their doors against me1 his would always be open1 proved as faithless as the basest4 ,i called one day at his shop4 ,as soon as he saw me1 he turned away his eyes1 and stood motionless and speechless behind the counter1 as if agitated with painful and unutterable passion4 ,i saw his family move hurriedly from the room behind the shop to another room1 as if afraid lest ,i should step forward into their presence4 ,the man kept his door open sure enough1 his shop door2 but his heart was closed1 and he never spoke to me more as long as he lived4 ,one day ,i went with a brother of mine to the house of a tradesman near ,gateshead1 a member and a leading man in the ,new ,connexion1 on a matter of business4 ,as soon as the person saw me1 he began to abuse me in a very extravagant manner4 ,i had always had a favorable opinion of the man1 and ,i quietly answered1 ,i can excuse your severity2 for you no doubt are acting conscientiously4 ,that is more than ,i believe you are doing1 he answered1 and turned away4 ,there was great excitement throughout the whole ,connexion4 ,and while many were transported with rage1 great numbers took my part4 ,the feeling in my favor was both strong and very general4 ,one-third of the whole ,connexion probably separated from my opponents1 and formed themselves into a new society4 ,several ministers joined them1 and had not the chapels been secured to the ,conference1 it is probable that the greater portion of the community would have seceded4 ,as it was1 the existence of the ,body seemed in peril1 and the leaders found it necessary to strain every nerve to save it from utter destruction4 ,and they were not particular as to the means they used4 ,before my expulsion even my enemies had considered me a virtuous1 godly man1 and acknowledged me to be a most laborious and successful minister4 ,now they fabricated and circulated all manner of slanderous reports respecting me4 ,one day they gave it out that ,i had broken my teetotal pledge1 and had been taken up drunk out of the gutter1 and wheeled home in a wheelbarrow4 ,then it was discovered that ,i had not broken my pledge1 but ,i had been seen nibbling a little ,spanish juice1 so it was said ,i was eating opium1 and killing myself as fast as the poison could destroy me4 ,at another time it was said ,i had gone stark mad1 and had been smothered to death between two beds4 ,a friend came1 pale and dismally sorrowful1 to condole with my wife on the dreadful catastrophe1 and was himself almost mad with delight when he found that ,i was in the parlor writing1 as well and as sane as usual4 ,then it was reported that ,i had applied for a place in the ministry among the ,calvinists1 though ,i had up to that time professed views at variance with ,calvinism1 and had even objected to be a hired minister4 ,when ,i called for the names of the parties to whom ,i had made the offer1 and engaged to give a large reward if my slanderers would produce them1 they found it was another ,joseph that had applied for the place1 and not ,joseph ,barker4 ,but the death of one slander seemed to be the birth of two or three fresh ones4 ,and sometimes opposite slanders sprang up together4 ,if he had been a good man1 said one1 he would have stopped in the ,connexion quietly1 and waited for reform6 ,if he had been an honest man1 said another1 he would have left the ,connexion long ago1 and not remained in a community that he thought in error4 ,i had been too hasty for one1 and too slow for another4 ,one wrote to assure me that ,i should die a violent death in less than eighteen months4 ,another said he foresaw me lying on my death-bed1 with ,satan sitting on my breast1 ready to carry away my soul to eternal torments4 ,one sent me a number of my pamphlets blotted and torn1 packed up with a piece of wood1 for the carriage of which ,i was charged from four to five shillings4 ,another sent me a number of my publications defaced in another way1 with offensive enclosures that do not admit of description4 ,at one time it was reported that ,i had died suddenly at ,leeds4 ,after lecturing there one night1 the story said1 a certain person got upon the platform to oppose me1 and ,i was so frightened1 that ,i first turned pale1 then fainted1 and in two hours breathed my last4 ,i was preaching at ,penrith1 in ,cumberland1 some seventy or eighty miles away1 at the time ,i was said to have died at ,leeds4 ,some weeks later it was rumored that ,i had destroyed myself at ,otley4 ,the maker of the tale in this case had been very particular1 and given his story the appearance of great truthfulness4 ,he said ,i had gone to lecture at ,otley1 and on my arrival there1 was found to be more than usually thoughtful and depressed4 ,i lectured with my usual freedom and power1 but seemed oppressed with some mysterious sorrow4 ,after the lecture1 instead of going along with my host1 ,i unaccountably disappeared1 and though my friends sought for me and inquired for me all about the town1 ,i was nowhere to be found4 ,in the morning1 as the son of my host was seeking for some cows in a wood on the side of the ,chevin1 he found me dead and cold1 with my throat cut1 and the razor in my hand with which ,i had done the deadly deed4 ,the news soon spread1 and my body was taken back to ,otley1 where an inquest was held4 ,the verdict was that ,i had died by my own hand1 in a fit of temporary insanity4 ,these stories were printed and published1 and circulated through the whole country4 ,they were shouted aloud in the street opposite my own door1 in the hearing of my wife and family1 during my absence4 ,at first my wife and children were terribly alarmed when they heard men crying1 ,the melancholy death of ,mr4 ,joseph ,barker4 ,but they got so used to me dying and destroying myself in time1 that they took such matters more calmly1 especially as ,i always came again1 and appeared no worse for the terrible deaths through which ,i had been made to pass4 ,for a year or two my enemies published a periodical called ,the ,beacon1 every page of which they filled with malignant slanders4 ,the loss of members exasperated them past measure4 ,the danger which threatened the ,connexion drove them mad4 ,they took up evil reports respecting me without consideration4 ,they looked on all ,i did with an evil eye1 and recklessly charged me with wicked devices which had no existence but in their own disturbed imaginations4 ,one charged me with having acted inconsistently with my views with regard to the use of money1 and another with having acted inconsistently with my belief with regard to baptism4 ,any tale to my discredit was welcome1 and the supply of slanderous tales seemed infinite4 ,they wrested my words1 they belied my deeds1 they misinterpreted my motives1 they misrepresented the whole course of my life1 and the whole texture of my character4 ,one of the pitiful slanders circulated by my enemies was the following4 ,my custom was1 when ,i went out to lecture1 or to preach anniversary sermons1 to charge only my coach fares1 rendering my services gratis4 ,for eighteen years ,i never charged a penny either for preaching or lecturing4 ,but the people of ,berry ,brow1 near ,huddersfield1 said ,i had charged them thirty shillings for preaching their anniversary sermons1 and the ,conference party took the trouble to spread the contemptible charge through the ,connexion4 ,the facts of the case were these3 ,i had an engagement to preach anniversary sermons at ,hanley1 in the ,staffordshire ,potteries4 ,the ,berry ,brow people heard of this1 and as ,i had to pass their place on my way to ,hanley1 they requested me to spend a ,sabbath with them1 and preach their anniversary sermons4 ,i did so1 and charged them thirty shillings1 about one-third of the expenses of my journey1 taking the other two-thirds from the ,hanley people4 ,this was all4 ,of course such matters would not be worth naming1 if it were not to show how much there was in the conduct of my persecutors to give me a dislike to their character1 and to prejudice me against their views4 ,that you may have an idea of my labors as a preacher1 take the following account of one week's work1 when ,i was lecturing against the infidel ,socialists1 previous to my expulsion4 ,i had preached three times on the ,sunday1 walked six miles1 and attended to several other duties4 ,at half past ten at night ,i started by stage coach for ,bolton1 a hundred and fifty miles away4 ,i travelled all night1 and all next day1 outside the coach4 ,it was winter1 and the weather was very cold4 ,about six in the evening ,i reached ,bolton4 ,at half past seven ,i began my lecture1 in a place crowded almost to suffocation4 ,after the lecture1 ,i had an hour and a half's debate4 ,between eleven and twelve ,i went to bed4 ,i spent next day mostly in writing4 ,at half past seven ,i began my second lecture1 with a congregation more closely packed than the night before4 ,the lecture was followed with a somewhat longer debate4 ,this continued five nights4 ,on ,friday night ,i got to bed about twelve4 ,at half past two ,i started in an open gig for ,manchester1 twelve miles off4 ,the morning was very cold4 ,there was a severe frost and a thick fog4 ,at ,manchester ,i took the coach for ,newcastle1 and ,i rode outside all day1 until half past ten at night4 ,the ,sunday following ,i preached three times again4 ,and in this way ,i labored for nearly two years4 ,i paid all my own expenses4 ,i also engaged and paid a person to preach for me1 and to attend to my other duties in the circuit1 during the week4 ,if there was a loss at my meetings ,i bore it myself2 never asking any one for aid4 ,and at times ,i had heavy losses4 ,at ,manchester once1 after giving five lectures1 ,i was eleven pounds out of pocket4 ,at ,birmingham ,i had a loss of thirty-seven pounds on five lectures4 ,that was about the hardest week ,i ever had4 ,my tongue got rather white4 ,my food lost its relish4 ,my thoughts kept me awake after ,i lay down in bed sometimes1 and sometimes awoke me after ,i had gone to sleep4 ,i caught myself drawing long breaths at times4 ,money came into my head at prayer1 though none came into my pocket4 ,i did not even ask for that4 ,i met with ,combe's work on digestion and read it1 but it did not help me much1 either in digesting my food1 or my heavy loss4 ,but ,i made no complaints4 ,i did not even tell my wife till long after1 when ,i was prosperous and comfortable again4 ,and none of those who heard my lectures1 saw in me any sign of discouragement4 ,i lectured to my small audience as earnestly as if the vast amphitheatre had been crowded4 ,and ,i paid the whole loss out of my own pocket1 asking help from neither stranger nor friend4 ,just about this time ,mr4 ,hulme1 the son-in-law of my chief persecutor1 set afloat a story that ,i was getting immensely rich by my lectures1 and demanded that ,i should hand over my gains to the ,connexional funds4 ,i could hardly help wishing that he had been compelled to take one-half of my ,manchester and ,birmingham gains4 ,i never charged more than two-pence1 ,i seldom charged more than a penny1 for admission to my lectures3 but such were the crowds that attended1 and such was the readiness of my friends in different places to help me without charge1 that in nine cases out of ten ,i had a surplus4 ,i had forty pounds in hand with which to pay the loss of thirty-seven at ,birmingham4 ,besides1 ,i sold large quantities of my pamphlets1 and they yielded me a profit1 though ,i sold my works eighty or ninety per cent4 cheaper than my envious brethren sold theirs4 ,after my expulsion ,i worked harder than ,i had done before4 ,the following is only a part of one week's work4 ,i preached three times on the ,sunday2 twice to immense crowds in the open air4 ,the time between the three meetings ,i spent in talking1 writing1 and walking4 ,i walked fifteen miles4 ,on ,monday ,i wrote a lengthy article for my periodical1 the ,christian ,investigator4 ,at night ,i lectured to a crowded audience1 and had a three hours' discussion after4 ,about one ,i got to bed4 ,at five ,i was up to take the coach to ,manchester4 ,at ,manchester ,i carried a heavy pack two miles to the railway station4 ,i went by train to ,sandbach1 then walked about twenty-three miles to ,longton1 carrying my carpet bag1 and some thirty pounds weight of books1 on my shoulder4 ,it was a hot day in ,june4 ,at ,longton ,i preached an hour and a quarter to about five thousand people in the open air1 and had a lengthy discussion after4 ,how ,i slept1 ,i forget4 ,i believe ,i was feverish through the night4 ,in the morning my nose bled freely1 and ,i was better4 ,i walked six1 eight1 or ten miles daily1 carrying my bag and books along with me1 and preaching1 or lecturing and discussing1 every night4 ,i did this daily for weeks1 and months1 and years4 ,and ,i never charged a penny for my labors4 ,and ,i had no salary4 ,i supported myself and my family by the sale of my cheap publications4 ,yet one of the slanders circulated by my enemies was1 as ,i said1 that ,i acted inconsistently with my published views on the use of money4 ,i taught1 as ,wesley had taught1 and as ,jesus and ,paul had taught1 that a man should not lay up for himself treasures on earth1--that money was a trust from ,god1 to be used in ,his service1 for the good of mankind4 ,and ,i acted on these principles4 ,i did not lay up a penny for myself on earth4 ,i employed all ,i received in doing good1 hardly spending enough on myself and family to purchase the barest necessaries4 ,but my enemies found ,i had placed fifty pounds on interest1 in the hands of ,mr4 ,townsend2 and away went the charge of inconsistency1 hypocrisy1 and what not1 through the country4 ,there was no inconsistency at all in what ,i had done4 ,it was a principle with me1 never to go into debt4 ,and my plan was1 never to begin to print a book1 till ,i had1 in the first place1 got the money ready to pay the expense of printing1 and1 in the second place1 reconciled myself to lose the money in case the book did not sell4 ,at the time ,i placed the fifty pounds in the hands of ,mr4 ,t41 ,i was preparing to print a book that would cost me thrice that amount4 ,i did print it1 and paid the expense in cash1 according to my principles and plan4 ,i follow the same plan still3 my printers like it2 and so do ,i4 ,i owed a dollar and a half at the close of last year4 ,the thought of it troubled me1 not much1 but still a little1 during the watch-night services at ,siloam church4 ,i had only owed the sum ten hours1 and ,i paid it next morning1 but still1 the thought of the debt made the ending of the old year1 and the beginning of the new one1 a trifle less happy than they might have been1 if ,i had been entirely straight with all the world4 ,in some cases1 when ,i went out to lecture1 the leading ministers of the ,connexion would come to my meetings1 and exciting discussions followed4 ,these injured the ,connexion still more1 for ,i invariably gained the sympathy of the audience4 ,on some occasions my enemies behaved in such a manner as to provoke my audiences past endurance1 and uproar followed2 and the greatest coolness on my part1 and the employment of all my influence1 were necessary to keep the more excitable of my friends from resorting to violence4 ,very curious incidents took place sometimes1 strangely confounding my opponents1 and making the impression on my friends1 and on myself as well1 that ,god had specially interfered on my behalf4 ,on more than one occasion1 when discreditable tales were told of me by my opponents1 some one in the audience who knew the facts1 would rise and testify in my behalf1 and publicly convict my slanderers of falsehood4 ,in one case1 at ,dudley1 ,mr4 ,bakewell1 who had always taken a leading part against me1 charged me before a crowded audience1 with having baptized a child of certain parents1 at ,hawarden in ,wales1 a hundred miles away1 after ,i had declared my belief that it was improper to baptize children4 ,he adduced some testimony in support of his statement1 which seemed to satisfy many in the audience that ,i had been guilty of inconsistency4 ,what could ,i do8 ,i had nothing to oppose to his testimony and his pretended proofs1 but my solemn denial of the statement4 ,most happily for me1 as soon as my opponent took his seat1 a lady rose1 towards the farther end of the room1 with a baby in her arms4 ,i wish to speak1 said the lady4 ,the people near her helped her to step upon a seat1 that she might be seen and heard to better advantage4 ,i am the mother referred to by ,mr4 ,bakewell1 said the lady1 and this is the child4 ,mr4 ,bakewell's statement is untrue4 ,mr4 ,barker did not sprinkle my child4 ,he only named it1 and asked ,god's blessing on it4 ,here is my husband1 and he can testify to the truth of this statement4 ,the lady stepped down and the husband rose4 ,i am the ,richard ,burrows mentioned by ,mr4 ,bakewell4 ,this is my wife1 and that is our child4 ,mr4 ,barker did not baptize it4 ,mr4 ,bakewell's statement is false4 ,that settled the question4 ,the feeling against my slanderer was tremendous4 ,the people would not hear him speak another word4 ,it had so happened that ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,burrows had been obliged to remove from ,wales to the neighborhood of ,dudley1 and had just arrived at their new home4 ,hearing that ,i was lecturing at ,dudley1 they hastened to the meeting1 and got there just in time to hear my opponent mention their names in support of his charge of inconsistency4 ,what could be more natural than that ,i and my friends should regard this remarkable and happy incident as a gracious interposition of ,providence in our behalf8 ,the conduct of my opponents had a most injurious effect not only on my own mind1 but on the minds of my wife and children4 ,we came to look on ,new ,connexion ,methodist preachers as some of the worst of men1--as the very essence or embodiment of deceit and malignity2 and our respect for ,methodist preachers generally1 and even for ,methodism itself1 was greatly abated4 ,the consequence was1 we were prepared to move in almost any direction that would take us farther away from our old associates1 and we all became1 to some extent1 anti-,methodistical in our feelings and sentiments4 ,exciting meetings like the one at ,dudley took place in almost every part of the country4 ,the numbers attending them were so great that no room could hold them1 so that ,i generally had to speak in the open air4 ,and ,i lectured almost every night1 and often through the day as well2 and every lecture was followed with discussion4 ,when opponents did not rise to assail me1 friends rose to consult me1 and our evening meetings often continued till nearly midnight4 ,and ,i preached three times on a ,sunday4 ,and after every meeting there was a crowd of friends anxious to talk with me1 or have my counsel about the formation or management of societies4 ,some had heard strange stories about me1 and wanted to know whether they were true or not4 ,others had had discussions with opponents1 and wished to tell me how they had fared4 ,some had been puzzled with passages of ,scripture quoted by opponents1 and they wished to know my views of their meaning4 ,some were sick1 and wanted my prayers4 ,some wanted prescriptions as well as prayers1 and ,i was obliged to be a physician as well as a preacher and reformer4 ,reports of cures wrought by my means led many to believe ,i had the gift of healing1 and sufferers sought my aid wherever ,i made my appearance4 ,while one-half of each day was taken up with talking1 another half was taken up with writing4 ,i had hundreds of letters to write1 and hundreds upon hundreds of all kinds of letters to read4 ,i had1 besides1 a new periodical on hand1 for which ,i was expected to provide the principal part of the articles4 ,and special attacks on me or on my views required a constant succession of pamphlets4 ,in addition to my press of work1 ,i had no small share of anxiety4 ,my wife was greatly tried1 and saw no prospect of a speedy end to her trials4 ,when expelled ,i was living in the preacher's house1 and had the preacher's furniture1 and many in the circuit considered that ,i had a right to them1 and advised me to keep them1 and set the ,conference partly at defiance4 ,i however refused to retain possession of property with a doubtful title1 and gave all up4 ,and now ,i had not a chair on which to sit1 nor a bed on which to sleep4 ,and the little money ,i had was wanted for the printers4 ,my friends provided for me in a way1 but not in the way to satisfy an anxious mother4 ,one child was taken by one family1 and another by another1 while ,i and my wife were accommodated by a third4 ,and one of the children was unkindly treated1 and the rest were not content2 and no house could be a home to my wife which was not her own2 and no condition could make her content while deprived of the company of her children4 ,and ,i saw her heart was the seat of fearful conflicts4 ,for several months ,i went through my arduous and ceaseless labors1 and my varied and exhausting trials1 without apparent injury to my health4 ,at length1 however1 continual excitement1 intense thought1 ceaseless anxiety1 the foul air of close and crowded rooms1 perpetual travelling1 loss of sleep1 lack of domestic comforts1 unhealthy food1 and trials of other kinds without end1 so exhausted me1 that ,i found it difficult to rise from my chair1 or to steady myself on my feet4 ,to walk was quite a task1--a really painful one4 ,i had a difficulty in putting one foot before the other4 ,it was a labor to drag myself along4 ,a walk of two or three miles quite wearied me4 ,and when ,i got to my journey's end1 my lungs lacked power to utter words2 my brain lacked energy to supply thoughts2 and lecturing and preaching became a weariness4 ,when ,i sat down to write1 my pen seemed reluctant to touch the paper4 ,my mind shrank back from its task4 ,in my ignorance of the laws of life1 ,i charged myself with idleness1 and tried to spur myself on to renewed activity4 ,the attempt was vain4 ,one afternoon ,i ventured to lie down and treat myself to an after-dinner nap4 ,i slept three hours4 ,i had no engagement that night1 and feeling still unaccountably sleepy1 ,i slipped off to bed about eight o'clock4 ,i slept till nearly nine next morning4 ,i slept an hour or two more after dinner4 ,at night ,i slept about ten hours more4 ,next day ,i felt as if my strength was running over4 ,i could do anything4 ,my pen seemed to point to the paper of itself1 as if anxious to be writing4 ,walking was a pleasure4 ,i could preach or lecture without effort4 ,words1 thoughts1 and feelings were all at hand to do my bidding4 ,what ,i had charged on myself as idleness1 was strengthlessness1 the result of sheer exhaustion4 ,i had suffered so much from the intolerance of my old colleagues1 that ,i now resolved to be subject to no authority whatever but ,god and my own conscience4 ,and ,i kept my resolution4 ,i would neither rule nor be ruled4 ,the extreme of priestly tyranny1 from which ,i had suffered so grievously1 had begotten in me the extreme of religious license4 ,i have seen since1 that a man may have too much liberty1 as well as too little2 too little restraint as well as too much2 and that a church without authority and discipline must inevitably lose itself in confusion and ruin4 ,we are none of us fit for unlimited liberty3 we all need the supervision1 and counsels1 and admonitions1 of our ,christian brethren4 ,after my separation from the ,methodist ,new ,connexion ,i became the pastor of a church in ,newcastle1 which had left the ,connexion on account of my expulsion4 ,the trustees had legal and rightful possession of the large and nice new chapel there1 and they and the other officials of the church were both dissatisfied with the doings of ,conference1 and desirous to secure me as their minister4 ,they were aware of my admiration of the ,quakers1 and of my leaning towards some of their peculiar views and customs4 ,they were also acquainted with my way of preaching1 for ,i had travelled in that ,circuit some years before1 and ,i had preached for them frequently while stationed at ,gateshead4 ,they knew my character too1 and were acquainted with all my conflicts with the ruling party in the ,connexion from which ,i had been expelled4 ,and though they did not think exactly as ,i thought on every point1 they saw nothing in my views but what they could freely tolerate4 ,they were satisfied that ,i was conscientious2 and they considered my general deportment to be highly exemplary4 ,and they knew ,i was a hard-working and successful minister4 ,one of the leading members was a printer1 and had been consulted by the ,annual ,committee of the ,new ,connexion in reference to my communications to them about the publication of cheap books by the ,book-room4 ,they thought my statements were extravagant2 he told them they were very near the truth1 if not the truth itself4 ,this gentleman was one of the most eager now to arrange for my settlement as a minister in ,newcastle4 ,the officers and members of the church generally were disposed to consult my feelings and meet my views4 ,they did not require me to be a hired or salaried minister4 ,they knew the wants of my family1 and they would provide for them4 ,they would appoint a person to baptize children4 ,they were not particular about theological niceties4 ,they had read my writings2 they were acquainted with the controversies that had taken place between me and my opponents2 and they were satisfied that ,i was right on every point of importance2 and that was enough4 ,and they liked my simple1 earnest1 practical style of preaching4 ,so everything was comfortably arranged4 ,we united on the principle laid down in my article on ,toleration1 ,human ,creeds1 c4 ,the ,bible was our creed3 the ,bible was our law-book2 though we were still1 on the whole1 methodistical1 both in doctrine and discipline4 ,numbers of other churches were organized on the same principle1 in various parts of the country2 and several young preachers left the body to which ,i had belonged1 or were expelled on account of their attachment to me1 and became their ministers4 ,and the churches prospered4 ,numbers of people joined them1 both from the world and from other religious communities4 ,for nearly two years things went on very happily at ,newcastle1 and the church was very prosperous4 ,i labored to the utmost extent of my powers4 ,i preached twice every ,sunday to my own congregation1 and once to another congregation at ,gateshead1 or in the country4 ,i visited the churches also in every part of the land1 preaching and lecturing continually4 ,all this time my old opponents continued their abuse4 ,though ,i relinquished no ,christian doctrine1 and added to the truth no dreams or speculations of my own1 but employed myself continually in preaching the great practical principles of the ,gospel1 and in urging my hearers to love and good works1 they assailed me with the bitterest hatred4 ,and the more the churches with which ,i was connected prospered1 the more furiously my enemies raged4 ,and when people left other denominations to unite with my friends1 ministers and members of those denominations joined my opponents in their evil work4 ,they preached abusive sermons and published abusive pamphlets4 ,there was eager1 angry controversy on every hand4 ,hard words were used on both sides4 ,the feelings of both parties were heated to a high pitch4 ,and as is usual in such cases1 both parties1 under the influence of their passions1 came to the conclusion that their opponents were neither sound in doctrine1 nor good in character4 ,towards the close of the second year ,i got into trouble at ,newcastle4 ,a religious reformer of the name of ,george ,bird came to the town4 ,his father was a clergyman in the ,church of ,england1 and he himself was rector of ,cumberworth4 ,he was recommended to me by some of my friends who lived near ,cumberworth1 and as he was wishful to spend some time in ,newcastle and the neighborhood1 ,i took him into my house1 and gave him a home4 ,he had published a book on the ,reform of the ,church of ,england1 urging the abolition of a number of abuses1 and recommending the restoration of what he considered true ,christian discipline4 ,his idea was1 that ,christians should meet for religious worship apart from people of the world1--that though preachers might preach to mixed audiences1 they should reserve their singing and praying1 and all that was strictly worship1 for assemblies of ,christians alone4 ,he recommended that the members of the church should meet first1 in a place apart1 or in a part of the chapel marked off for themselves1 and go through their devotions all alone1 and that the sermon1 addressed both to believers and unbelievers1 should be quite a separate service4 ,he had passages of ,scripture1 and church tradition1 and considerations of fitness and propriety1 by which he recommended his doctrine1 and to some they proved convincing4 ,i began myself1 after thinking the matter over for awhile1 to have a leaning towards his views4 ,my friends could so far tolerate the new views1 that they allowed ,mr4 ,bird to preach in their chapels1 letting some one else conduct the singing and praying parts of the service4 ,but when they found that their own minister began to look with favor on the new plan1 they became alarmed4 ,they could tolerate peculiarities in others1 but they were not disposed to appear before the world as reformers and innovators themselves4 ,nor would they allow their minister to go any farther in the way of reform than he had gone before they had accepted him as their pastor4 ,they had reconciled themselves to the changes of which he had been the subject previous to his special connection with them1 but they would have no new ones4 ,he might go back a little if he pleased1 but not forwards4 ,both my friends and ,i were placed in a trying position4 ,i was bent on compliance with whatever seemed to be the requirements of the ,gospel1 and my friends1 who had no misgivings on the subject of public worship1 were resolved not to tolerate a change4 ,i kept the usual course as long as ,i could do so without self-condemnation1 but at length was constrained to change4 ,one ,sunday night ,i preached from the concluding words of the ,sermon on the ,mount1--,therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of ,mine1 and doeth them1 ,i will liken him unto a wise man1 which built his house upon a rock3 and the rain descended1 and the floods came1 and the winds blew1 and beat upon that house2 and it fell not3 for it was founded upon a rock4 ,and every one that heareth these sayings of ,mine1 and doeth them not1 shall be likened unto a foolish man1 which built his house upon the sand3 and the rain descended1 and the floods came1 and the winds blew1 and beat upon that house2 and it fell3 and great was the fall of it4 ,i reviewed the sayings of ,christ referred to in the text4 ,i dwelt at some length on the passage about praying in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets4 ,the congregation was very large1 and the sermon was unusually impressive4 ,some said they had never heard me preach with so much power4 ,as ,i drew towards a close1 ,i referred again to the words on public prayer1 and gave what appeared to me to be their meaning4 ,i remarked1 that ,i felt bound to comply with what ,i believed to be the command of the ,saviour1 and that ,i must therefore decline to conclude the service in the usual way1 by a public prayer1 and request the disciples of ,christ to retire to their homes and secret places to pray4 ,the result was exceedingly painful4 ,the confusion was dreadful4 ,some1 who had never thought on the subject before1 and who had probably listened to me that evening without comprehending properly my meaning1 were horrified4 ,the officers of the church1 who had accepted me as their minister in the belief that ,i should never try them by anything new in my views or proceedings1 were grieved beyond measure4 ,one of them said to me at a meeting the following evening3 ,you have committed a crime1 compared with which the sin of him who betrayed his ,lord for silver1 was honor and piety6 ,this1 of course1 was madness1 if not blasphemy4 ,but it helps to show the fearful difficulties that lie in the way of the man who feels himself called to be a religious reformer4 ,and it tends to show the tempest of excitement in which1 for so long a period1 it was my lot to live4 ,the result of this last step in my reforming career was1 that almost all the richer and more influential members of the church deserted me1 and some even of the less influential followed their example4 ,this however did not change my determination to do what ,i believed to be the will of ,god4 ,nor did it dispose me to hesitate longer before making changes when they seemed to be called for by the teachings of ,christ4 ,on the contrary1 it led me to resolve1 that ,i would hold myself more at liberty to follow the revelations of truth and duty than ever4 ,i blamed myself for having accepted the situation of a regular minister1 blamed myself for having allowed myself to be influenced so much by a regard to the judgments and feelings of others4 ,i felt a kind of pleasure at length1 when ,i found the leading friends who had held me so much in check1 were gone4 ,i attributed their departure to my fidelity to ,christ1 and to my growing conformity to ,his likeness2 and ,i resolved to labor more than ever to come to the perfection of ,christian manhood1 to the measure of the stature of the fulness of ,christ4 ,i comforted myself with the thought that ,jesus had been deserted1 betrayed1 and persecuted1 before me2 and felt happy in the assurance1 that if ,i suffered with ,him1 ,i should also be glorified with ,him4 ,i now resolved to speak and write and act more freely than ever4 ,i would no longer keep my thoughts to myself till ,i was thoroughly convinced of their truth1 but submit them to the consideration of my friends as soon as they assumed the appearance of probability4 ,i would think aloud4 ,i would search to the bottom of all things1 and make known the result without reserve4 ,i would favor a free and fearless discussion of every subject4 ,and ,i would reduce to practice everything inculcated by ,christ and ,his ,apostles1 however much at variance it might be with the customs of the ,church4 ,i would rid myself of prejudice4 ,i would take nothing on trust4 ,old things should now1 at last1 pass away1 unless they were found to form part of the doctrine of ,christ2 and all things should become new4 ,and what ,i purposed1 ,i did1 to the best of my ability4 ,i arranged for meetings of the church1 at which we sang and prayed1 and endeavored to instruct and comfort one another1 and provoke each other to love and good works4 ,when this church meeting was over1 ,i ascended the pulpit1 and addressed the public congregation4 ,we changed the manner of conducting class-meetings1 encouraging the members to read hymns1 or portions of ,scripture1 or extracts from any instructive book1 or to speak to each other for comfort or improvement4 ,i would be no longer the teacher of the church1 but only one of its teachers4 ,that ,i might be able to support my family without the aid of the church1 and so feel myself thoroughly free and independent1 ,i resolved to commence business as a printer4 ,i bought a press1 and type1 and all the other requisites of a printing-office1 and set to work4 ,elizabeth ,pease1 a good kind ,quakeress of ,darlington1 gave me thirty pounds to help me in my undertaking1 and others1 nearer at hand1 assisted me according to their ability4 ,i engaged a man to work for me1 and teach me how to work myself1 for ,i was quite a stranger to the business4 ,i soon was able both to set up type and work the press1 though the pressure of other work prevented me from excelling in either of those lines4 ,before long ,i had two men at work4 ,but my workmen were not so faithful as they should have been1 and it cost me more to print my works myself1 than it had done to get them printed by others4 ,i got a foreman1 but he used my office to carry on a business of his own1 instead of doing what he could for mine1 and ,i was obliged to turn him off1 and pay him a considerable sum to keep him from troubling me with a law-suit4 ,a short time after1 a very unpromising-looking young man came and asked me for a place in my printing establishment4 ,he was hardly a young man1 in fact1 but just a half-taught random-looking kind of boy4 ,i asked what he could do4 ,to my unspeakable astonishment he told me that the place he wanted was that of foreman4 ,i smiled1 and looked on the poor creature as a simpleton4 ,but though he seemed a little disconcerted1 he was not to be abashed4 ,he told me1 that if ,i would give him a trial1 he would let me see whether he could manage the office or not4 ,but how can you manage the men8 said ,i4 ,nothing however would satisfy the poor boy but a trial1 and ,i1 under some kind of influence1 agreed to give him one4 ,what the men thought when he took his place1 ,i don't know2 but they seemed to act on the principle1 that as ,i had made him foreman1 they must obey his orders2 and obey him they did1 and to my agreeable surprise1 everything went on in a satisfactory manner4 ,the youthful foreman1 who turned out to be a sensible1 modest1 hard-working1 honest young man1 did well from the first1 and improved every year1 and remained with me1 giving satisfaction both to me and to my men1 so long as ,i continued in business4 ,i had many fearful trials to pass through after ,i offended the leading members of my congregation by giving up singing and prayer at public meetings1 and a heavy loss entailed on me by the dishonesty of one of those leading members was not the least4 ,ever since the time when ,i first became an author1 ,i had acted as my own publisher and bookseller1 sending out parcels to my friends1 keeping accounts1 and doing the whole work of a ,book-room4 ,when ,i engaged to be minister of the church in ,newcastle1 and became servant of the newly-formed churches all over the country1 ,mr4 ,blackwell1 the printer referred to on page #age1 advised me to put the book-selling business into the hands of ,mr4 ,townsend1 another leading official of the church4 ,you have work enough1 said he1 and too much1 in preaching1 lecturing1 writing1 and travelling1 and ,mr4 ,townsend can do the book-selling better than you4 ,he is a business man2 he understands book-keeping2 and he will conduct the business in an orderly and efficient manner4 ,it had always been a principle with me never to go into debt1 and ,i said to ,mr4 ,blackwell1 who was then my printer1 ,if you will give me a guarantee that no debt shall be incurred1--that you will never print anything till ,mr4 ,townsend has paid you for all work previously printed1 ,i will agree to your proposal4 ,he gave me his word that he would do exactly as ,i requested4 ,mr4 ,townsend was accordingly made wholesale agent for my new periodical1 and for all my other publications1 and all my stock of books was placed in his hands4 ,for fifteen or eighteen months ,i gave myself no concern about matters of business1 trusting to ,mr4 ,blackwell to keep things right1 according to his pledge4 ,mr4 ,townsend had another business besides my book concern1 the china and earthenware business1 and about eighteen months after my business was placed in his hands1 he went into ,scotland to dispose of a quantity of his surplus stock4 ,he had only been gone a few days before word came that he was dead4 ,it then came out that ,mr4 ,blackwell had allowed him to run up a debt of nearly seven hundred pounds for printing4 ,it also came out that ,mr4 ,townsend was insolvent4 ,he had been in difficulties for years1 and he had used the money he had received for my books to prevent his creditors from making him a bankrupt4 ,his journey to ,scotland was his last shift1 and failing in that1 he had taken opiates1 it was said1 to such an extent1 as to cause death4 ,the dreadful revelations that were laid before me shocked and troubled me beyond measure1 and ,i knew not what to do4 ,mr4 ,blackwell1 through whose neglect or unfaithfulness the debt had been incurred1 exhorted me not to be alarmed1 assuring me that he should never trouble me for the money4 ,so ,i set to work to gather up the fragments of my property1 and re-organize the business4 ,i got in what money ,i could from the agents1 and gave it1 along with all ,i could earn1 to ,mr4 ,blackwell1 to reduce the debt1 though it was not in reality a debt of mine4 ,i gave him also a sum belonging to my wife1 which she had just received as a legacy4 ,i gave him all that came into my hands1 except a trifle that ,i spent in procuring food for my family2 and in eight months ,i had reduced the debt to two hundred and thirty pounds4 ,it was while ,i was exerting myself to pay off this debt that ,i offended the leaders of my congregation by giving up public worship4 ,the person who said that in doing so1 ,i had been guilty of a crime1 compared with which that of ,judas in selling his ,master1 was honor and piety1 was this same ,mr4 ,blackwell4 ,when ,i began to print for myself1 he demanded the instant payment of the remaining two hundred and thirty pounds1 and followed the demand by legal proceedings4 ,a friend1 ,mr4 ,john ,hindhaugh1 who had heard how ,i was situated1 and who had also heard that ,mr4 ,blackwell had said that he would soon put a stop to my printing1 went and paid the amount demanded1 and brought me the receipt1 and said1 that if ever ,i found myself able1 ,i might repay him the amount1 but that ,i must by no means put myself to any inconvenience4 ,in course of time ,i repaid my friend1 and was once more out of debt4 ,it was just while tried by this sad affair1 that ,i formed the resolution to throw off all restraints of prevailing creeds and customs1 and enter on a career of wholesale and untrammelled investigation and discussion4 ,i was not in the fittest state of mind to do justice to the forms of ,christianity in favor with the churches4 ,on the contrary1 the influences to which ,i had been long subjected1 and the peculiar state of excitement in which ,i was still living1 could hardly fail to carry me into extremes4 ,no matter1 ,i set to work4 ,i printed thousands upon thousands of hand-bills1 announcing a three months' convention and free discussion in my chapel1 and had them posted and distributed all round the country4 ,free admission and freedom of speech were promised to all comers4 ,among the subjects announced for discussion were1 the ,trinity1 the ,godhead of ,christ1 the ,atonement1 ,natural ,depravity1 ,hereditary ,guilt1 ,eternal ,torments1 ,everlasting ,destruction1 ,justification by ,faith alone1 the ,nature of ,saving ,faith1 ,what is a ,christian8 ,trust in the ,merits of ,christ1 ,instantaneous ,regeneration1 ,christian ,perfection1 the direct ,witness of the ,spirit1 the ,sabbath ,question1 ,non-resistance1 ,peace1 ,war1 and ,human ,governments1 ,law-,suits1 the ,credit ,system1 ,toleration and ,human ,creeds1 the ,church1 the ,hired ,ministry1 ,public ,prayer1 ,public ,worship generally1 ,preaching1 ,sunday ,schools1 ,freedom of ,thought1 ,freedom of ,conscience1 ,class-,meetings1 and the ,duty of the ,church to its ,poor ,members4 ,the chapel was kept open every day1 and every day1 when not called out of town1 ,i delivered one or two lectures on one of those subjects1 stating my own views on the point1 and my reasons for holding them1 and then calling on any one that might differ from me1 to state his views in reply4 ,the chapel was generally crowded1 and the discussions were often very animated4 ,persons of various denominations took part in them1 and people came from almost every part of the country to witness the proceedings4 ,my principal opponent1 for a portion of the time1 was ,george ,bird1 the rector of ,cumberworth1 who had inoculated me with his views on public worship4 ,he was very orthodox on many points1 while ,i1 on some points1 was leaning towards ,latitudinarianism4 ,we had1 at times1 very exciting contests4 ,mr4 ,bird was exceedingly anxious to gain a victory1 both for himself and for his views4 ,and he was not particular as to the means he employed to accomplish his object4 ,he was very unfair4 ,he could not1 or he would not1 refrain from personal abuse1 nor from misrepresentations of my views and statements4 ,i was severe enough in my criticisms1 but ,i never was knowingly1 and ,i do not think ,i was often even unintentionally1 unjust to an opponent4 ,i never charged people with saying what they did not say1 and ,i never forced a meaning on their words which they were not intended to express4 ,and if at any time an opponent charged me with misquoting his words1 or with misrepresenting his meaning1 ,i always accepted his corrections or explanations4 ,nor did ,i indulge in personal abuse4 ,nor did ,i lose my temper4 ,i did my utmost to be just to all1 and when ,i could not exhibit much esteem or love for an opponent1 ,i tried to be respectful4 ,the records of those long-continued and strange debates are1 ,i am sorry to say1 lost4 ,but while they were proceeding ,i drifted further away1 on some points1 from the views maintained by orthodox communities4 ,i am not aware however that ,i went much further than ,wesley went during the latter years of his life4 ,i found1 not only in ,scripture1 but in the sermons of ,wesley1 and in the writings of ,baxter1 who was a favorite with ,wesley1 what seemed to me fully to justify all that ,i had taught on the great doctrines of ,christianity up to this period4 ,i gave up the ,christian ,investigator at the end of two years1 and as two of my friends were anxious to publish a periodical1 ,i refrained for a time from commencing another1 to give them a better chance of success4 ,i also helped them by writing for them1 at their request1 a number of articles for the earlier numbers of their work4 ,their attempt however proved a failure4 ,the work contained a heap of ,antinomian and ,millenarian nonsense1 and my readers had no taste for such stuff2 and the work was given up1 and the ,editors shortly after left me and my friends1 and joined the ,plymouth ,brethren1 repaying me for my kindness by treachery and abuse4 ,one of them published a tract when he took himself away1 exhorting my friends to be on their guard lest they should be led by me into anti-christian error4 ,their conduct towards me altogether1 as ,i thought1 was unjust and dishonorable1 and though they are now both dead1 ,i can think of no good excuse for the way in which they acted4 ,but ,god is judge4 ,i now laid aside the name of ,methodist and adopted that of ,christian1 and ,i commenced a new periodical1 bearing the same title4 ,i made it1 as ,i had made my other periodicals1 the organ of my own mind1 the vehicle of my own thoughts on every subject of importance that engaged my attention4 ,my writing was simply free and friendly talk with my readers on matters in which we were all greatly interested4 ,and the work contains the history of the changes which took place in my views during the period of its publication4 ,while publishing ,the ,christian1 ,i published a multitude of pamphlets4 ,in answer to a pamphlet by the ,rev4 ,w4 ,cooke1 in which ,i was roughly and unjustly handled1 ,i published seven letters entitled ,truth and ,reform against the ,world1 signing myself ,a ,christian4 ,in these letters ,i spoke with the greatest freedom both of myself and of my opponents1 as well as on a great variety of other subjects4 ,i exposed a number of what seemed extravagant or unguarded statements made by my assailant with regard to the ,scriptures4 ,i also published a work on ,the ,hired ,ministry4 ,my tracts on ,saving ,faith and ,the ,atonement came out about the same time4 ,my aim in these latter publications was to free the subject of ,saving ,faith and the doctrine of the ,atonement from needless mystery1 by separating from the teachings of ,christ and the ,apostles on those points1 the bewildering and mischievous additions of ignorant theologians4 ,i did not deny the doctrine of salvation by faith in ,christ1 but only showed that the faith in ,christ spoken of in the ,new ,testament was simply a belief in ,him as the ,messiah1 leading us to receive and obey ,his teachings1 and to trust in ,him for salvation4 ,nor did ,i deny the doctrine of redemption or atonement2 but simply endeavored to put what the ,new ,testament said on these subjects in its true light4 ,in most of those works1 if not in all of them1 there are evidences of undue excitement1 and in many of them there are passages which1 in one's calmer and more candid mood1 one is obliged to condemn4 ,i extended my investigations to all religious subjects1 endeavoring to bring my views and proceedings on every point into perfect harmony with the teachings of ,christ and ,his ,apostles4 ,i also did my best1 in connection with my friends1 to carry into practice in our church at ,newcastle what we regarded as the ,new ,testament principles of discipline and church government4 ,the following were among our regulations3--,we would have no fixed payments4 ,all must be given freely4 ,there must be no charge for admission to the church feasts4 ,we would support our poor members4 ,we would deal with offenders according to the instructions of ,christ3 first1 tell them of their faults between them and us alone1 c41 c4 ,we encountered many difficulties in our attempts to carry out some of our principles4 ,some1 that were able to contribute1 were too selfish to do so1 and left the expenses of the church to be met by the generous few4 ,they would eat like gluttons at the church feasts1 but give nothing towards paying for the provisions4 ,some seemed to enter the church to get supported in idleness out of its funds4 ,this seemed to be the case especially with a blind beggar4 ,he spared no pains in making known his connection with the church1 and its generosity in supporting him1 to the public4 ,this brought in a number of others who were wishful to be supported4 ,but many of these people1 after joining the church1 refused to work4 ,it was plain that we must either give up the attempt to carry out our generous principles1 or else adopt some method of testing people before admitting them as members1 and some wise system of discipline and government with regard to those already admitted4 ,but we had said so much about unlimited liberty1 that we could do neither the one nor the other without breaking up the church and building it up anew2 and it seemed too late to do that4 ,so we dragged along as well as we could4 ,some lost patience1 and went to other churches4 ,some came to the conclusion that ,christianity as laid down in the ,new ,testament was impracticable1 and so became skeptical4 ,some kept aloof from all the churches1 but still retained their faith in ,christianity1 and their attachment to the principles to which we had given prominence4 ,at one period ,i lectured frequently on ,peace4 ,the ,quakers aided me in obtaining rooms for my lectures1 and supplied me with money to pay my travelling expenses2 and the ,backhouses and ,peases of ,darlington1 and the ,richardsons and others of ,newcastle1 contributed to the support of my family4 ,i met with some of the best and most agreeable people ,i ever knew1 among the ,quakers4 ,many of them were remarkably liberal and enlightened in their views1 not only on religion1 but on many other subjects4 ,i was astonished at the extent of their reading1 and at the amount of knowledge they possessed4 ,and they had a wonderful amount of charity towards other religious denominations4 ,they believed the churches were doing much good1 and rejoiced in their usefulness1 though they could not always join them in their labors4 ,i also found that in their dealings with each other1 they were exceedingly conscientious4 ,one ,friend had recommended another1 a lady1 to invest her money in some mining speculation1 which he believed was likely to prove profitable4 ,she did so1 and lost her money1 or received no interest from it4 ,the ,friend who had counselled the investment1 took the shares1 and returned the lady her money4 ,this1 ,i believe1 was not a thing by itself1 but a sample of ,quaker dealings with each other4 ,i learned some useful lessons from the ,quakers1 and ,i received from them many favors4 ,i retain many pleasant recollections of my intercourse with them1 and expect to think of them with pleasure to my dying day4 ,after ,i ceased to receive a salary for preaching1 ,i and my family were often in straits1 and at times we seemed on the very verge of starvation4 ,my printing business did not pay its own expenses at first1 and for several years after it began to yield a profit1 the profit was required for new presses1 new type1 or had to lie dead in the shape of increased stock of publications4 ,and ,i had no income from property4 ,yet in every case when we seemed to be reduced to extremities1 supplies came from some quarter or other4 ,sometimes ,i knew the hand by which assistance was sent1 but at other times my benefactors remained unknown4 ,there was one good ,christian1 ,john ,donaldson1 who was always ready with his help4 ,he not only aided me by many gifts1 but busied himself to induce his friends to send mo aid4 ,he gave the first subscription towards a steam press2 and when the press was bought1 he sent a sum to purchase the first load of coals to get up the steam1 to put the press in motion4 ,on one occasion1 while ,i was lecturing in the ,south1 nearly two hundred miles away from home1 ,i failed to receive the supplies ,i expected from the agents for my publications1 and my family seemed likely to be out of provisions before ,i could send them help4 ,my wife and children had begun to feel uneasy and afraid4 ,that day a man came up to the door with a cart-load of provisions4 ,does ,mr4 ,barker live here8 said the man to my eldest son1 who had answered the knock at the door4 ,yes1 answered my son4 ,i have brought you some things1 said the man1 some flour1 and potatoes1 and things4 ,they are not for us1 said the poor little fellow1 my father is away4 ,but this is ,mr4 ,barker's1 is it not8 said the man4 ,yes1 said my son1 ,then it is all right1 said the man1 ,i was told to leave them here1 and he began to unload4 ,both children and mother were afraid there was some mistake1 but the man went on unloading1 and stocked the house with food for weeks to come4 ,a day or two before1 my wife and children had been talking to each other1 and expressing their apprehensions1 as ,i had not been able to send them any money1 that they would soon be without anything to eat4 ,one of the children said1 ',let us pray1 mother3 perhaps ,god will send us something4' ,they all knelt down1 and both mother and children prayed3 and when they saw the abundant supplies with which the cart had stocked the house1 they believed that ,god had sent them in answer to their prayers4 ,i refused to buy paper1 or type1 or anything1 on credit1 and ,i was often at a loss1 when my stock of paper was almost out1 to know where the money was to come from to get a fresh supply4 ,and ,i had not so much faith as ,g4 ,mueller of ,bristol2 at any rate1 my faith did not give me the same pleasant assurances that ,i should receive what ,i desired1 that ,mueller's faith gave him4 ,i am inclined however to think that ,i had not so much trust in ,providence1 as ,i ought to have had4 ,i certainly had not so much as ,i have now4 ,but then1 ,i am better off now than ,i was then4 ,but ,i was lacking1 to some extent1 in ,christian trust in ,god1 as well as in resignation to ,his will1 and hence my uneasiness4 ,many a time when ,i laid myself down on my bed at night1 instead of going to sleep1 ,i spent long hours in thought about my business1 looking in every direction for a prospect of supplies to enable me to pay the wages of my men1 and purchase paper4 ,the first thing was to think of all the men that owed me money1--to consider which of all the number would be likely to send me remittances in time1 and to reckon up the sums1 to see if they would enable me to meet the demands upon me4 ,the next thing was to do the same thing over again2 and the next1 to do it over again a third time4 ,all this was accompanied with long and deep-drawn sighs1 which were listened to by a fond and wakeful bedfellow1 who silently sympathized with me in all my trials1 and who was as restless and anxious as myself4 ,sometimes ,i moaned1 and sometimes ,i prayed2 and when ,i was wearied out with my fruitless labors1 ,i fell asleep4 ,it would have been better1 if ,i could have done it1 to have given to the winds my fears1 and lost myself in peaceful and refreshing slumbers2 for generally1 on the following morning1 the needful supplies arrived4 ,they seldom came from the parties from whom ,i expected them1 but they came notwithstanding4 ,one day1 towards the close of the year1 my stock of paper was very low1 and ,i had nothing with which to purchase a fresh supply4 ,next morning a letter came1 enclosing thirty-five pounds1 a ,christmas gift from friends in ,ireland4 ,on one occasion1 when ,i was unwell1 a gentleman whom ,i had never seen1 and whom ,i have not seen yet in fact1 sent me forty pounds1 to enable me to spend a month at some hydropathic establishment4 ,he had read a number of my publications1 and had been pleased with them1 and having learned in some way that ,i was not well1 had sent this proof of his kind regard4 ,there was one man in ,newcastle1 a wealthy man1 who said to me1 ,come to me whenever you are in difficulty1 and you shall have whatever you need4 ,i was often in difficulties1 but hesitated to ask his help4 ,one day1 however1 after having waited for supplies from other quarters as long as ,i durst1 ,i went to him1 and stated my case4 ,he kept me waiting an hour or more1 and then said1 ,no4 ,i turned away ashamed and sad4 ,a friend whom ,i encountered on my way home1 said1 ,what is the matter with you8 ,are you ill8 ,you look bad4 ,i was obliged to tell him my story4 ,is that all8 said he4 ,we can soon put that right4 ,and he gave me1 unasked1 as much as ,i needed4 ,while we were struggling with our other difficulties1 my wife was taken ill4 ,the house in which we lived was badly drained1 or rather1 the drains being out of order1 the offensive materials from other houses lodged under the floor of our cellar kitchen1 and sent forth1 through the floor1 deadly effluvia4 ,in this cellar kitchen we were obliged to live4 ,i was so much from home1 and when at home was so much in the open air1 travelling to my appointments1 and even when in the house1 ,i spent so much of my time in an upper room writing1 that ,i took no harm4 ,it was otherwise with my poor wife4 ,she had to be in this room almost all day long1 and often till late at night4 ,the result was a deadly attack of fever4 ,she had felt unwell for some days1 but had still gone on with her work1 and sought no medical advice or help4 ,at length1 as she was going to bed one night1 she fainted on the stairs4 ,the stairs were very steep1 and the point at which she lost her consciousness was a most dangerous one1 and it seemed a miracle that she had not fallen back to the bottom and been killed4 ,but somehow she fell only a step or two4 ,my eldest son heard there was something the matter1 and ran to see what it was4 ,there he found his poor1 darling mother apparently dead1 in the middle of the steep and winding staircase4 ,how he did it1 ,i do not know1 nor does he1 but though he was only a child of about thirteen years of age1 he took his mother1 and by some mysterious means1 carried her up the remainder of the stairs1 placed her on her bed1 and then stood sorrowing and trembling till she came to herself4 ,she was ill thirteen weeks4 ,for two or three weeks she seemed on the point of death4 ,on my return1 late one night1 from one of my engagements1 ten miles away in the country1 ,i found her strangely changed for the worse4 ,she looked at me with a look ,i can never forget4 ,she thought she was dying4 ,i thought so too4 ,her eye said1 ,death2 her whole expression said1 ,death4 ,i burst into tears1 and gave what ,i thought was my last fond embrace4 ,she had power to utter just one sentence3 it was an expression of tenderness and kindness1 more kind and tender than ,i deserved2 and then fell back on her pillow1 as if giving up the ghost4 ,but she lived through the night1 and she lived through the following day1 helpless and speechless1 yet still breathing4 ,she recovered1 and remained with us to comfort and guide and bless us for nearly thirty years1 and then1 alas1 all too soon apparently1 for those who loved and all but adored her1 she passed in peace to the worlds of light4 ,i believed myself all this time engaged in the service of my ,maker1 and ,i regarded the arrival of seasonable help from time to time1 as a proof that ,i was an object of ,his tender care1 and that my labors had ,his smile and blessing4 ,why did ,i not trust ,him more fully8 ,by the time ,i had carried on my printing business for four or five years1 the outlay for type1 and presses1 and other kinds of printing apparatus1 became much less1 while my income from the sale of books became much greater1 and ,i found myself able1 at length1 to purchase whatever ,i needed as soon as ,i wanted it4 ,by-and-bye ,i had money always on hand4 ,the relief ,i felt1 when ,i found myself fairly above want and difficulty1 was delightful beyond measure4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,contact ,,with ,,unitarians1 ,,and ,,downward ,,tendency ,,to ,,deism4 ,i had now for some time been gradually approaching the views of the more moderate class of ,unitarians4 ,some of my friends1 when they saw this1 became alarmed1 and returned to their old associates in the orthodox communities2 others got out of patience with me for moving so slowly1 and ran headlong into unbelief2 while the great majority still chose to follow my guidance4 ,two of my ,quaker friends1 who had aided me in my peace lectures1 waited upon me and said1 that it would be necessary for me1 if ,i meant to continue to lecture in connection with the ,peace ,society1 not to allow myself to be known as holding heterodox views4 ,i answered that ,i would not submit to one hair's breadth of restraint1 nor to a feather's weight of pressure2 and the consequence was1 the withdrawal of all assistance and countenance from the orthodox portion of the ,quakers in every part of the country4 ,the ,unitarians had long been observing our movements1 and when they found us coming so near to their views1 they began to attend our meetings1 and to court our company4 ,at first we were very uneasy at their advances1 and shrank from them with real horror2 but our dislike and dread of them gradually gave way4 ,they were very kind4 ,they lent us books1 and assisted us with the loan of schools and chapels4 ,they showed themselves gracious in many ways4 ,and after the cruelty we had experienced from other parties1 their kindness and sympathy proved very agreeable4 ,i read their works with great eagerness1 and was often delighted to find in them so many sentiments so like my own4 ,i had read some of ,channing's works before1 and now ,i read them all1 and many of them with the greatest delight4 ,i read the work of ,worcester on the ,atonement1 of ,norton on the ,trinity1 and of ,ware on a variety of subjects4 ,i also read several of the works of ,carpenter1 ,belsham1 ,priestley1 and ,martineau4 ,some of those works ,i published4 ,i also published a work by ,w4 ,penn1 ,the ,sandy ,foundation ,shaken1 which some thought ,unitarian4 ,i came at length to be regarded by the ,unitarians as one of their party4 ,they invited me to preach in their chapels1 and aided me in the circulation of some of my publications4 ,i preached for them in various parts of the country4 ,i was invited to visit the ,unitarians in ,london1 and ,i preached in most of their chapels there1 and was welcomed by many of the ministers and leading laymen of the ,metropolis at a public meeting4 ,when my friends raised a fund to purchase me a steam printing press1 many ,unitarians gave liberal subscriptions4 ,several of their leading men attended the meeting at which the press was presented1 and took a leading part in the proceedings4 ,i had not mingled long with the ,unitarians before ,i found that they differed from one another very much in their views4 ,some few were ,arian1 some were ,socinian1 and some quite ,latitudinarian4 ,some admired ,priestley1 some ,carpenter1 some ,channing1 and some ,parker4 ,some looked on ,channing as an old fogy1 and said there was not an advanced or progressive idea in his writings2 while others thought that everything beyond ,channing bordered on the regions of darkness and death4 ,some looked on the ,scriptures as of divine authority1 and declared their readiness to believe whatever they could be proved to teach3 others regarded the ,scriptures as of no authority whatever1 and declared their determination to accept no views but such as could be proved to be true independent of the ,bible4 ,some believed ,jesus to be a supernatural person1 commissioned by ,god to give a supernatural revelation of truth and duty1 and empowered to prove the divinity of ,his mission and doctrine by supernatural works4 ,others looked on ,christ as the natural result of the moral development of our race1 like ,bacon1 ,shakespeare1 or ,baxter4 ,they looked on miracles as impossible1 and regarded all the ,bible accounts of supernatural events as fables4 ,they were ,deists4 ,one ,i found who declared his disbelief in a future life4 ,there was a gradual incline from the almost ,christian doctrine of ,carpenter and ,channing1 down to the principles of ,deism and ,atheism4 ,while in ,london ,i became acquainted with ,dr4 ,bowring1 afterwards ,sir ,john ,bowring4 ,he was one of my hearers at ,stamford ,street ,chapel1 and complimented me1 after the sermon1 by calling me the modern ,john ,bunyan4 ,he had been pleased with the simplicity of my style1 and the familiar and striking character of my illustrations4 ,he invited me to his house1 showed me a multitude of curiosities1 which he had collected in his travels round the world1 made me a present of part of a skull which he had taken from an ,egyptian ,pyramid--the skull of a prince1 who1 he said1 had lived in the days of ,joseph1--he also made me a present of his works1 including five volumes of translations from the ,poets of ,russia1 ,hungary1 and other countries1 and some works connected with his own eventful history4 ,dr4 ,bowring was a member of ,parliament1 and he took me to the ,house of ,commons1 introduced me to a number of the members1 got me into the ,house of ,lords1 and did all in his power to make my stay in ,london as pleasant as possible4 ,another ,london gentleman who was very kind was ,dr4 ,bateman1 the ,queen's ,assistant ,solicitor of ,excise4 ,he took me to several assemblies1 at one of which1 besides a number of the great ones of the land1 ,i was introduced to a ,new ,zealand chief1 a strong-built1 broad-set1 large-headed1 lion-looking man4 ,it was hinted that he knew the taste of human flesh1 and was probably thinking at that moment1 what rich contributions some of the youthful and well-fed parties who were paying their respects to him1 would make to a ,new ,zealand feast4 ,at one of those assemblies there was a tremendous crowd1 and ,i lost my hat1 and some body else must have lost his1 for ,i got a magnificent and strange-shaped head-cover1 that might have distinguished1 if not adorned1 the greatest magnate of the land4 ,dr4 ,bateman and ,dr4 ,bowring showed me kindness in other ways1 obtaining for me and my friends large grants of books1 contributing to the fund for the purchase of a steam press to be presented to me1 and inducing a number of their friends to contribute4 ,i was also introduced to ,dr4 ,hutton1 minister of ,carter ,lane ,chapel1 and preached and lectured in his pulpit4 ,and ,i visited the meeting-place of the ,free-thinking ,christians1 was introduced to the leading members of the society1 and was presented with their publications4 ,i preached at ,hackney ,chapel1 where ,i had ,william and ,mary ,howitt as hearers1 who were introduced to me after the sermon1 invited me to spend some time at their house1 showed me the greatest possible kindness1 and did as much as good and kind people could do to make my stay in ,london a pleasure never to be forgotten4 ,a meeting was called in the ,assembly room of the ,crown and ,anchor1 or the city of ,london ,tavern1 to give me a public welcome to ,london1 and a great number1 the principal part1 ,i suppose1 of the ,london ,unitarians met me there1 to give me a demonstration of their respect and good wishes4 ,i spoke1 and my remarks were very favorably received2 and so many and kind were the friends that gathered round me1 and so strange and gratifying the position in which ,i found myself1 that ,i seemed in another world4 ,the contrast was so great between the treatment to which ,i had so long been accustomed in the ,new ,connexion1 and the long-continued and flattering ovation ,i was receiving from so large a multitude of the most highly cultivated people in the country1 that if ,i had lost my senses amid the delightful excitement it could have been no matter for wonder4 ,but it was more than ,i was able to enjoy4 ,i longed for quiet4 ,i wanted to be at home with my wife and children1 and in the society of my less distinguished1 but older and more devoted friends4 ,i fear ,i hardly showed myself thankful enough for the honor done me1 or made the returns to my new friends to which they were entitled4 ,they must have thought me rather cool in private2 but they knew that ,i had been bred a ,methodist1 a plain ,methodist1 and had lived and moved among ,methodists of the plainer kind1 and never before been fairly outside the ,methodist world4 ,and some of them knew that ,i had not much time for pleasure-taking1 sight-seeing1 and the current kind of chat1 or even the multiplication of new friends and acquaintances4 ,they knew too that ,i had a business which required my attention1 and a vast quantity of letters to answer1 and parties calling for my help in almost every part of the country4 ,i was happy at length to find myself at liberty to leave the metropolis1 and my many new1 agreeable and generous friends and acquaintances there1 and return to quieter and calmer scenes1 and more customary occupations1 in the country4 ,but ,i never was permitted to confine myself within my old circle of acquaintances1 and my old sphere of labor1 after my visit to ,london4 ,accounts of my ,london meetings were given in the ,unitarian newspapers and periodicals1 and spread abroad through the whole country4 ,the result was1 ,i received invitations to preach and lecture from almost every town of importance throughout the kingdom1 and from many places that were not of so much importance2 and many of those invitations ,i was induced to accept4 ,i visited ,bristol1 and had a welcome there as gratifying and almost as flattering as my ,london one4 ,i was introduced to all the leading ,unitarians there1 and had a grand reception1 and a course of lectures in the largest and most splendid hall in the city4 ,and the place was crowded4 ,i visited ,bridgewater1 ,plymouth1 ,exeter1 and ,tavistock1 with like results4 ,and then ,i had calls to ,yarmouth1 ,lynn1 ,bridport1 ,northampton1 ,taunton1 ,birmingham1 ,sheffield1 ,hull1 ,manchester1 ,liverpool1 ,bolton1 ,stockton1 and other places without number4 ,and everywhere ,i found myself in very agreeable society1 and in every place ,i met with real1 hearty1 and generous friends4 ,it is true ,i met with some who had little of religion but the name2 but ,i met with others1 and that in considerable numbers1 who really feared and loved ,god1 and who were heartily desirous to promote a living practical ,christianity among their neighbors4 ,these were delighted to see and hear a man who1 while he held to a great extent their own religious views1 was full of ,methodistical zeal and energy1 and who had power to attract1 and interest1 and move the masses of the people4 ,they regarded me as an ,apostle of their faith4 ,they believed the millennium of enlightened and liberal ,christianity was at hand4 ,they hearkened to my counsels1 and set to work to distribute tracts1 to improve their schools1 to establish new ones1 to organize city missions1 to employ local preachers1 and to circulate books of a popular and rousing character4 ,and both they and ,i believed that a great and lasting revival of pure unadulterated religion was at hand4 ,and it took some time to dissipate these pleasant hopes1 and throw the well disposed and more pious part of the ,unitarians down into the depths of despondency again4 ,but the melancholy period arrived at length4 ,you cannot kindle a fire and keep it burning in the depths of the sea4 ,and it is as hard to revive a dead or dying church1 especially when its ministers and schools are supported by old endowments1 and when many of its most influential members have caught the infection of infidelity1 and become mere selfish1 flesh-pleasing worldlings4 ,and this was the case with ,unitarians4 ,many of the trustees1 and a considerable portion of the wealthier members1 cared nothing for religion4 ,others had no regard for anything about ,christianity but the name and a little of the form4 ,some had such a hatred of what they called ,methodist fanaticism1 that they shrank from any manifestation of religious life or earnestness4 ,and they had such a horror of cant1 that they canted on the other side4 ,their talk about religion was little else but cant4 ,their talk about cant itself was cant4 ,they had quite a dislike of any thing like religious zeal1 and had a dread of any one who had been a ,methodist1 especially if he retained any of his ,methodistical earnestness4 ,the word unction was a term of reproach1 and the rich1 invaluable treasure for which it stood was an offence4 ,they wished to enjoy themselves in a quiet1 easy1 self-indulgent1 fashionable way1 and have just so much of the form and appearance of religion as was requisite to a first class worldly reputation4 ,they had no desire to be regarded as skeptics or unbelievers2 that would have been as bad as to have been reputed ,methodists2 but they would have nothing to do with any schemes or efforts for the revival of religious feeling in their churches1 or with any interference with the customary habits or quiet worldliness of their peaceable neighbors4 ,some1 and in certain districts many1 even of the poorer members1 were utterly indifferent1 and in some cases even opposed1 to any religion4 ,in some cases both rich and poor had become grossly immoral4 ,their churches had degenerated into eating and drinking clubs4 ,the endowments were spent in periodical feasts4 ,there were also cases in which the chapel and school endowments had fallen into the hands of individuals or families1 who looked on them and used them very much as private property4 ,the schools and congregations had disappeared1 and even the chapels and school-houses were rapidly hastening to ruin4 ,and there was everywhere a tendency downward from the ,christian to the infidel level4 ,if churches do not labor for the conversion of the world1 and endeavor to become themselves more ,christ-like and godly1 degeneracy1 and utter degradation and ruin are inevitable4 ,and the tendency1 at the time to which ,i refer1 throughout the whole little world of ,unitarianism was downwards to utter unbelief4 ,in many minds there was as much impatience with old-fashioned moderate ,unitarianism1 as with old-fashioned ,christianity or ,methodism4 ,they wanted preachers who would openly assail the doctrine of the divine or special inspiration of the ,bible1 and the supernatural origin of ,christianity1 and try to bring people down or up to the pagan or infidel level of mere sense and reason4 ,the ,unitarians required no profession of faith2 so that deists and atheists had the same title to membership as believers in ,christ4 ,they administered the ,lord's ,supper1 but they had no church discipline1 so that people defiled with the filthiest vices had the same right to communicate as people of the rarest virtues4 ,even the ministers were not required to make any profession of faith1 so that deists and atheists were admitted1 not only into the churches1 but into the pulpits4 ,i was not aware of these things when ,i first became identified with the ,body4 ,it is possible that the ,body was not so corrupt at that time as it was after4 ,any way1 at the time of my return from infidelity to ,christianity1 both deists and atheists were among the ministers4 ,if any find it hard to believe these things1 let them read my pamphlet on ,unitarianism1 where they will find testimony from leading ,unitarians themselves1 to the truth of these statements4 ,whatever encouragement therefore certain portions of the ,unitarian ,body might give to a man like me1 the influence of the ,body generally was sure to render my labors of little or no avail4 ,if the more religious portion of the ministers and members had been willing to come out from the ,body1 and leave their old-fashioned buildings and endowments behind them1 they might have done some good2 but this they were not prepared to do4 ,many even of the better class of ,unitarian ministers were fond of a quiet literary life4 ,they were students1 scholars1 and gentlemen1 rather than preachers and apostles4 ,they were too good to be where they were1 and yet not robust1 and daring1 and energetic enough to make their way into more useful positions4 ,and their style of preaching was not popular4 ,it never would have moved the masses4 ,indeed much of it would have been unintelligible to the kind of people who crowded to my meetings4 ,they could not therefore have moved into my sphere without exposing themselves to want4 ,if some one could have gone and helped them in their own work1 in their own spheres1 it might have answered for them2 but it would not have answered for them to come out and battle with the rude1 coarse1 outside world4 ,and even if good1 earnest ministers had gone to their aid1 it would have caused a rupture and division in the church4 ,my labors therefore could do little more than rouse the better portion of the ,body to a temporary zeal and activity1 and transfer a number of my friends to their communion4 ,and ,i and my friends were out of our place1 and out of our element1 in their society4 ,the earnest words we spoke were not 'like fire among dry stubble2' but like sparks falling into the water4 ,instead of us kindling them1 they extinguished us4 ,the 'strong man armed' who had got possession of the ,unitarian ,house1 was too strong to be overpowered and cast out by anything short of a miracle of ,omnipotence4 ,and that was out of the question4 ,christ can save individuals1 but not churches4 ,to members of a dead or depraved church his words are1 ',come out of her1 my people4' ,and there was1 and there is1 no revival1 no salvation1 for ,unitarians1 but by their abandonment of the ,unitarian fellowship1 and their return to ,christ as individuals4 ,so you may guess what followed4 ,i had got where it was impossible for me to do others much good1 even if ,i had been better myself1 and where it was impossible for me to prevent others from doing me most serious harm4 ,i was on an inclined plane1 tending ever downward1 with all surrounding influences calculated to render my descent every day more rapid4 ,down this inclined plane ,i gradually slid1 till ,i reached at length the land of doubt and unbelief4 ,my descent was very slow4 ,it took me several years to pass from the more moderate to the more extravagant forms of ,unitarianism4 ,when ,i first read the works of ,dr4 ,channing1 though ,i was delighted beyond measure with many portions of his writings1 ,i had a great dislike for some of his remarks about ,christ and the ,atonement4 ,and when ,i first resolved to publish an edition of his works1 ,i intended to add notes1 with a view to neutralize the tendency of his objectionable views2 but by the time ,i got his works into the press1 those views appeared objectionable no longer4 ,i still however regarded portions of ,theodore ,parker's works with horror4 ,his rejection of miracles1 and of the supernatural origin of ,christianity1 seemed inexcusable4 ,and many a time was ,i shocked while reading his ,discourse on ,matters pertaining to ,religion1 by the contemptuous manner in which he spoke of portions of the sacred ,scriptures4 ,i was enchanted with many parts of the book2 but how a man of so much learning1 and with such amazing powers1 and with so much love and admiration of ,christ1 and ,god1 and goodness1 could go to such extremes seemed a mystery4 ,and ,i resolved1 that if ever ,i published an edition of his works1 ,i would add a refutation of his revolting extravagances4 ,yet time1 and intercourse with the more advanced ,unitarians1 brought me1 in a few years1 to look on ,parker as my model man4 ,when ,i first heard an ,unitarian say1 ,supernaturalism is superstition1 ,i gave him to understand that ,i did not feel easy in his company4 ,you are right1 said ,dr4 ,bateman1 ,pay no regard to such extreme views3 preach your own old-fashioned practical doctrines4 ,this made me feel more at ease4 ,yet the gentleman who spoke to me thus1 as ,i afterwards found1 was himself on anti-supernaturalist4 ,but he saw that ,i had to be dealt with carefully1--that ,i was not to be hurried or argued1 but led gently and unconsciously1 into ultra views4 ,this was the gentleman that busied himself more than any other in obtaining subscriptions towards the steam press4 ,he professed to like my supernatural beliefs much better than the anti-supernatural views of the extremer portion of his brethren4 ,and perhaps he did like them better1 though he had lost the power to believe them himself4 ,but whether he liked them or not1 he won my confidence1 and gained an influence over me1 which an honest avowal of his opinions1 and especially an open attempt to induce me to accept them1 would have rendered it impossible for him to gain4 ,strange as it may seem1 ,i still retained many of my old methodistical habits1 and tastes1 and sensibilities4 ,my mind was still imbued to a considerable extent with true religious feeling4 ,my head had changed faster than my heart4 ,and ,i still took delight in reading a number of my old religious books4 ,and ,i had no disposition to indulge myself in worldly amusements4 ,i could not be induced to go to a theatre1 or even to a concert4 ,i would not play at draughts or chess4 ,i hated cards4 ,and all this time ,i held myself prepared to defend1 in public discussion1 what ,i considered to be the substance of ,christianity4 ,an arrangement was actually made for a public debate on ,christianity about this time1 between me and ,mr4 ,holyoake4 ,it was to take place at ,halifax1 and ,i attended at the time1 and stated my views in two lectures2 but ,mr4 ,holyoake did not attend4 ,he was prevented from doing so by illness1 it was said4 ,some of the publications which ,i issued about this time1 in reply to one sent forth by the ,rev4 ,w4 ,cooke1 led to a public discussion between me and that gentleman1 in the ,lecture-room1 ,newcastle-on-,tyne4 ,mr4 ,cooke was a minister--the ablest minister--in the ,body to which ,i myself had formerly belonged4 ,the list of subjects for debate included the following3--,what is a ,christian8 ,what is the ,scripture doctrine with regard to the ,atonement8 ,what is ,saving ,faith8 ,what do the ,scriptures teach with regard to ,original ,sin1 or ,natural ,depravity1 ,the ,trinity1 ,the ,divinity of ,christ1 ,the ,hired ,ministry1 and ,future ,punishment8 ,the discussion lasted ten nights1 and every night the room was crowded to its utmost capacity4 ,the excitement was intense4 ,and it pervaded the whole country4 ,there were persons present from places nearly two hundred miles distant4 ,hugh ,miller1 the ,scotch geologist1 was there one night4 ,as usual1 both parties considered themselves victorious4 ,and both were right4 ,neither the truth nor the error was all on one side2 nor was the argument4 ,christianity was something different from the creed of either party1 and something more and better4 ,it was more and better than the creeds of both parties put together4 ,my opponent1 though something of a ,christian1 was more of a theologian4 ,he was committed to a system1 and could not see beyond it1 or dared not accept any views at variance with its doctrines4 ,hence he went in direct opposition to the plainest teachings of the ,scriptures1 and the clearest dictates of common sense4 ,he found it necessary also1 to spend a portion of his time in foolish criticisms on ,greek and ,hebrew words1 and in efforts to make the worse appear the better reason4 ,as for myself1 ,i was committed to change4 ,i was travelling downwards at the time1 at a rather rapid rate1 and was not to be turned back1 or even made to slacken my pace4 ,the ordinary kind of theological vanities ,i regarded with the utmost contempt1 and ,i had come to look on some portions even of ,christ's own teachings as nothing more than doubtful human opinions4 ,i held to the great foundation truths of religion1 and to the general principles of ,christian truth and duty1 and1 ,i will not say1 defended them1 for they needed no defence beyond their own manifest reasonableness and excellence1--but stated them both with sufficient clearness and fulness4 ,but neither party was in a state of mind to learn from the other4 ,war1 whether it be a war of words1 or a war of deadlier weapons1 tends generally to widen the differences and increase the antipathies of the combatants4 ,and so it was here4 ,and one party certainly went further and travelled faster in the way of error after this exciting contest than he had done before4 ,and greater extremes produced more bitterness of feeling in my opponents4 ,one man wished me dead1 and said to a near relation of mine1 ,if there was a rope round his neck1 and ,i had hold of it1 ,i would hang him myself4 ,and this was a man remarkable1 in general1 for his meekness and gentleness4 ,another said he should like to stick me3 but he was a butcher4 ,another person1 a woman1 said1 ,hanging would be too good for him3 hell is not bad enough for him4 ,there was one even among my relations that would not speak to me2 a relation that before had regarded me with pride4 ,at some places where ,i was announced to lecture1 men organized and plotted to do me bodily injury1 and in some cases they threatened me with death4 ,on more than one occasion ,i had narrow escapes with my life4 ,once ,i was struck on the head with a brick1 which almost took away my consciousness1 and came near putting an end to my life4 ,on another occasion ,i was hunted by a furious mob for hours1 and had repeated hair-breadth escapes from their violence4 ,one man advocated my assassination in a newspaper1 and the editor inserted the article1 and quietly gave it his sanction4 ,all this was natural1 but it was not ,christian1 nor was it wise4 ,the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of ,god4 ,hard bricks have no tendency to soften a man's heart4 ,these attempts to force me into submission made me more rebellious4 ,they roused my indignation to the highest pitch1 and fearfully increased my hatred of the churches and their creeds1 and made me feel as if ,i ought to wage against my persecutors an unsparing and eternal war4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,bible ,,question4 ,,inspiration1 ,,infallibility4 ,,history ,,of ,,my ,,views ,,on ,,the ,,subject4 ,a ,,prayer4 ,help me1 ,o ,thou ,great ,good ,father of my spirit1 in the work on which ,i am now about to enter4 ,enable me1 on the great and solemn subject on which ,i am now to speak1 to separate the true from the false1 the doubtful from the certain1 the important from the unimportant4 ,and may ,i be enabled to make all plain4 ,and save me1 ,o my ,father1 from going too far4 ,let me not run to any extreme4 ,yet enable me to go far enough4 ,may ,i not1 through needless fear1 or through any evil motive1 be kept from speaking anything that ought to be said4 ,i am ,thine1 ,o my ,god2 use me according to ,thy will1 for the service of ,thy ,church1 and for the welfare of the world4 ,i am every moment accountable to ,thee2 help me so to speak that ,i may be at peace with my own soul1 and have a sweet assurance of ,thy approbation4 ,fill my soul1 ,o my ,father1 with the spirit of love1 of truth1 of tenderness1 and of all goodness4 ,guide ,thou my pen1 and control my spirit4 ,grant that ,i may so write1 that ,i may do some good and no harm4 ,may ,thy people endeavor to do justice to what ,i say4 ,if any one1 through error or evil disposition1 should do me wrong1 help me to bear the trial with ,christian meekness and patience4 ,and may the time at length come1 when the religion of ,christ1 so full of truth and love1 shall be understood and embraced by all mankind1 and when by its blessed and transforming power the earth shall become the abode of purity1 and love1 and bliss4 ,,amen4 99 99 99 99 99 ,it may not be amiss to state now1 how far ,i had gone at this time1 with regard to my views on the ,bible4 #a4 ,i remember a time1 when ,i believed that the ,bible in which my father read1 came down direct from ,god out of heaven1 just as it was4 ,i looked on it as simply and purely divine4 #b4 ,i afterwards learnt that the ,bible was printed on earth1 and that it was a translation from other books which had been written in ,greek and ,hebrew4 #c4 ,but ,i still supposed that the ,greek and ,hebrew ,bible was wholly divine1 and that the translation was as perfect as the original4 #d4 ,i next learned that the translation was not perfect1--that the translators were sometimes in doubt as to the meaning of the original1 and put one meaning in the body of the page1 and another in the margin1--that in other cases they had misunderstood the original1 and given erroneous translations4 ,i sometimes heard preachers correcting the translation of passages1 and when ,i came to read commentaries and other theological works1 ,i found the authors doing the same thing4 #e4 ,i then found that there were several translations of the ,scriptures1 one by ,wesley1 one by ,campbell1 and others by other men1 and that they all differed from each other1 and that none of them could be regarded as wholly correct4 ,when ,i read the ,notes of ,adam ,clarke on the ,bible1 ,i found that he often differed from all the translators1 and that in some cases he differed from them very widely4 #f4 ,i still supposed that the originals were perfect2 that in them we had the words of ,god just as they came from ,his own mind4 #g4 ,but ,i afterwards found that there were several originals1--or at least several ,greek and ,hebrew ,bibles1--and that they also differed from each other to some extent1 and that none of them could be said to be entirely free from error4 #h4 ,i learnt from ,adam ,clarke and others that the printed ,greek and ,hebrew ,bibles had been compiled from manuscripts1--or from ,bibles1 or portions of the ,bible1 written by the hand1 before the art of printing was known4 #i4 ,i also found that those manuscripts differed from each other1 in a great many places1 and that in some cases they differed on points supposed to be of considerable importance1 and that it was impossible to tell which of the manuscripts were most correct4 #aj4 ,i also learnt1 that all existing manuscripts were copies of other manuscripts1 and that the real original books1 the books written by ,moses and the ,prophets1 and by the ,evangelists and ,apostles1 were all lost1 so that it was impossible to tell1 with absolute certainty1 whether any of the manuscripts were absolutely correct1--that when the best and ablest men on earth had done their utmost1 there would still be room for doubt as to the true reading1 as well as to the correct meaning1 of various portions of ,scripture4 #aa4 ,i next learned that there were differences of opinion among critics and divines as to whether certain books ought to have a place in the ,bible or not4 ,in my father's ,bible there were several books called the ,apocrypha4 ,some of these were very interesting4 ,i used to read them with a great deal of pleasure4 ,and large portions of others1 especially those called ,the ,wisdom of ,solomon1 and ,ecclesiasticus1 seemed as good1 as true1 and as beautiful as anything in the ,book of ,proverbs4 ,my parents however told me1 that those books were not to be put on a level with the other books of the ,bible1--that there was some mystery about their origin1 and that there was some doubt whether they were really a part of the word of ,god4 #ab4 ,i afterwards learnt though1 that they were regarded as part of ,god's word by the ,catholics1 and ,i continued to read large portions of them with much satisfaction and profit4 #ac4 ,i also learnt from ,adam ,clarke and others1 that there had been doubts in the minds of some of the ancient ,christians with regard to the right of some of the ,epistles and of the ,book of ,revelation to be admitted as parts of the ,bible4 ,and ,i afterwards found that the ,book of ,revelation was excluded from the ,bible by the ,greek ,church1 and by ,luther as well3--and that ,luther had but little regard for the ,epistle of ,james1 one of the finest portions of the whole ,bible as ,i thought4 #ad4 ,i further learnt that some had doubts as to the right of ,solomon's ,song to a place in the ,bible1 and ,i found that even ,adam ,clarke did not believe that it had any spiritual meaning4 ,all these were facts2 and ,i learned them all from ,christian authors of the highest repute for learning and piety4 ,and so long as things went on smoothly1 they had not1 so far as ,i can remember1 any injurious effect on my mind4 ,but when1 after having been harassed for years by the intolerance of my brethren1 ,i was expelled from the ministry and the church1 and finally placed in a hostile position with regard to the great body of ,christians and ,christian ministers1 ,i began to see1 that those facts were incompatible with the views and theories of the divine inspiration and absolute perfection of the ,bible held by my opponents4 ,i came very slowly to see this1 and after ,i saw it ,i was slow to speak on the subject in my publications2 but the time to see and to speak arrived at length4 ,one of my ,new ,connection opponents1 by repeated charges of infidelity1 and by statements about the ,scriptures which ,i knew he could not maintain1 got me into controversy on the subject4 ,then ,i uttered all that was in my mind4 ,i showed that many of the things which he had said about the ,bible were not true1--that they were inconsistent with plain unquestionable facts1--with facts acknowledged by all the divines on earth of any consequence1 and known even to himself and his brethren4 ,while engaged in this controversy ,i made discoveries of other facts inconsistent with the views of my persecutors1 and pressed them upon my opponent without mercy4 ,and the violent and resentful feeling excited by his unfairness1 dishonesty and malignity in defending the ,bible1 led me probably to be less concerned for its claims than ,i otherwise should have been4 ,suffice it to say1 ,i came out of the debate with my savage opponent1 not a disbeliever in the ,bible or ,christianity1 but with views farther removed from those which he contended for1 and with feelings much less hostile to heterodox extremes perhaps than those with which ,i entered it4 ,among the views ,i was led to entertain and promulgate with regard to the ,bible about this time1 were the following4 #a4 ,we have no proof that the different portions of the ,bible were absolutely perfect as they came from the hands of the writers4 ,the probability is on the other side4 ,for if an absolutely perfect book had been necessary for man1 it would have been as necessary to keep it perfect1 as to make it perfect4 ,and as ,god has not seen fit to keep it perfect1 we have no reason to suppose that ,he made it so4 #b4 ,but in truth1 to write an absolutely perfect book in an imperfect language1 is impossible4 ,and all human languages are imperfect4 ,the ,hebrew language1 in which the greater part of the ,bible was written1 is very imperfect4 ,and it seems to have been much more imperfect in those times when the ,bible was written1 than it is now4 ,and the ,greek language1 in which the remainder of the ,bible was written1 was imperfect4 ,and the ,greek used in the ,new ,testament is not the best ,greek2--it is not the ,greek of the ,classics4 #c4 ,and both ,greek and ,hebrew now are dead languages1 and have been so for many ages4 ,this renders them more imperfect in some respects3 it makes it harder in many cases to ascertain the sense in which words1 and particular forms of expression1 are used by the writers4 ,with regard to the ,hebrew1 we have no other books in that language1 written in those early ages when the different parts of the ,bible were written1 to assist us in ascertaining the sense in which words were used4 #d4 ,the writers of ,scripture differ very much from one another both in style and matter1 and their works differ greatly in worth and usefulness4 ,ezekiel is much more obscure than ,jeremiah2 and ,jeremiah is less plain than ,isaiah4 ,many of the figures1 and some of the visions of ,ezekiel1 seem coarse1 and some of them appear unintelligible4 ,and the matter of many parts of ,ezekiel's prophecies seems inferior to that of the prophecies of ,jeremiah and ,isaiah4 ,some portions of ,ezekiel are very valuable2 they are good and useful to the last degree4 ,but other portions1 whatever value they might have for persons of former times and other lands1 have none1 that ,i can see1 for us4 #e4 ,some portions of ,jeremiah1 and even of ,isaiah1 appear to have little that is calculated to be of use in the present day4 ,indeed some portions seem unintelligible4 ,but many portions of the writings of both those prophets abound in the most touching1 startling1 and useful lessons4 #f4 ,and so with ,daniel and the minor prophets4 ,the darkness and the light1 and things more useful and things less useful1 are mingled in them all4 #g4 ,it is the same with the ,new ,testament4 ,some portions of ,paul's writings are as plain as they well can be2 others are very obscure1 perhaps quite unintelligible4 ,some passages in the controversial portions of his ,epistles to the ,romans and the ,galatians1 and considerable parts of the ,epistle to the ,hebrews1 are dark as night to many2 and ,i fear that those who think they understand them1 are under a delusion4 ,and as portions of these ,epistles were wrested by the unlearned and unconfirmed in ,peter's time1 so have they been mistaken for lessons in moral laxity since4 ,and still they are used by many as props for immoral and blasphemous doctrines4 #h4 ,and what shall we say of the ,book of ,revelation8 ,adam ,clarke thought he understood it as well as any one1 yet acknowledged that he did not understand it at all4 ,and though there are several passages that are both plain and practical1 and many that are most wondrously and sublimely poetical1 and some few that are rich both in truth and tenderness1 yet1 as a whole1 the ,book is exceedingly1 if not impenetrably1 dark4 #i4 ,some portions of the ,old ,testament history are given twice over1 as in the ,books of ,kings and ,chronicles1 and the two accounts1 in some cases1 seem to be irreconcilable with each other4 ,the numbers often differ1 and some of them seem altogether too large4 ,the accounts agree well enough1 and the statements are credible enough1 as a rule1 on matters of great importance2 but on smaller matters there are many plain discrepancies4 ,some other portions of the ,bible1 including two or three of the ,psalms1 are given twice over4 #aj4 ,then who that reads the ,proverbs attentively can help seeing1 that some of them are much plainer1 and calculated to be much more useful1 than others4 ,many of them are rich in wisdom and goodness beyond measure2 but others appear to have neither much of beauty1 nor much of utility4 #aa4 ,and the ,psalms are not all of equal excellence4 ,some contain terrible outpourings of hatred and vengeance4 ,many contain fierce and resentful expressions4 ,and though these things were excusable in early times1 and were1 in fact1 not wicked1 but only a lower form of virtue1 we cannot but feel their great inferiority to the teachings and spirit of ,jesus4 ,but taken as a whole1 the ,psalms are miracles of beauty and sublimity1 of tenderness and majesty1 of purity and piety1 of wisdom and righteousness4 ,they are a heaven of bright constellations2 a world of glory and blessedness4 #ab4 ,the ,book of ,job too is a mixture1 and to some extent a mystery1 but it would be a great loss to the world if it were to perish4 ,the twenty-ninth and thirty-first chapters are worth the whole literature of infidel philosophy a hundred times over4 ,and many other portions of the book are 'gems of purest ray serene1' and treasures of incalculable value4 #ac4 ,and even the ,book of ,ecclesiastes1 while it contains many things of a strange1 a dark1 and a doubtful character1 has many oracles of wisdom and piety4 ,it contains lessons of wonderful beauty1 and of great solemnity and power4 #ad4 ,there is a vast amount of wisdom and goodness in the laws of ,moses4 ,i say nothing of the laws that are merely ceremonial3 but there are lessons of great importance mixed up even with them at times4 ,take those about the ,nazarites4 ,most of them are beautiful1 excellent2 and well would it be if people even in our days would accept them as rules for their own conduct4 ,then take the laws which forbid the use of wine and strong drink to the ministering priests4 ,they are wonderfully wise4 ,and even the laws about the different kinds of beasts1 and birds1 and fishes1 that were allowed or forbidden as food1 are1 on the whole1 remarkably philosophical4 ,considering the time when they were given1 and the people for whom they were intended1 and the ends for which they were designed1 the laws of ,moses generally1 are worthy of the highest praise4 #ae4 ,but ,judaism is not ,christianity4 ,that which was the best for the ,jews three thousand years ago1 was not the best for all mankind through all the ages of time4 ,compared with the religions and laws of surrounding nations1 and of preceding ages1 ,judaism was glorious1--but compared with ,christianity it is no longer glorious4 ,judaism compared with ,paganism1 was a wonder of wisdom1 philosophy1 and righteousness2 but compared with ,christianity it is a mass of rudiments1 first lessons1 beggarly elements4 ,hence several things contained in the law of ,moses are repealed or forbidden by ,christ2 still more are quietly dropped and left behind2 while other portions are developed1 expanded1 and exalted4 ,all these things1 and a multitude of other things1 have to be taken into account1 if we would form a correct and proper estimate of the ,bible4 ,all these1 and quite a multitude of other matters1 should be borne in mind when we are considering in what terms to speak of the ,book1 and in what way to qualify our commendations of its contents4 ,i do not believe it possible to praise the ,bible too highly2 but nothing is easier than to praise it unwisely1 untruly4 ,you cannot love or prize the ,bible too much2 but you may err as to what constitutes its worth4 ,you cannot over-estimate its beneficent power2 but you may make mistakes as to the parts or properties of the book in which its strength lies4 ,a child can hardly value gold or silver too highly1 but he makes a great mistake when he fancies their great excellency to consist in the brightness of their colors4 ,and so with regard to the ,bible4 ,its best friends and its ablest eulogists can never think or speak of it beyond its real worth2 but they may fancy its worth to consist in qualities of secondary importance1 or in a kind or form of perfection which it does not possess4 ,the enemies of the ,bible often speak evil of it ignorantly1 from the mere force of bad example1 as parrots curse3 and the friends of the ,bible often speak well of it ignorantly1 as parrots pray4 ,they know1 they feel1 they are sure1 that the ,bible is good1--that it does them good1--that it purifies their souls1--that it improves their characters1--that it makes them cheerful1 joyful1 useful1 happy4 ,yet all the time they fancy1 because they have been erroneously taught1 that the blessed volume owes its comforting1 transforming1 and glorious power to some metaphysical nicety1 or to some unreal or impossible kind of perfection4 ,when ,christians attribute the sanctifying1 elevating1 comforting power of the ,bible to the fact that it is divinely inspired1 they are right4 ,but many do not stop there4 ,they suppose that divine inspiration has given the ,book certain grammatical1 rhetorical1 logical1 historical1 scientific and metaphysical qualities which it has not given it1 and they even attribute its superior worth and saving power to those imaginary qualities4 ,it was against the mistakes and mis-statements of my opponents that ,i first wrote1 and it was their ignorance1 or their want of honesty and candor1 that gave me at times the advantage over them in our debates on the subject4 ,it was for want of seeing things in their proper light1 and putting them in their proper shape before their hearers and readers1 that made their efforts to keep people from doubt and unbelief unavailing4 ,they1 in truth1 made unbelief or infidelity to consist in something in which it did not consist1 and made people think they were infidels when they were no such thing4 ,if they had given up all that was erroneous with regard to the ,bible1 and undertaken the defence of nothing but what was true1 they might both have convinced the honest skeptic1 and strengthened the faith of ,christians4 ,but they undertook to defend the false1 and to assail the true1 and the consequence was1 they were beaten1 and the cause which they sought to serve was injured4 ,john ,wesley says1 that the way to drive the doctrine of ,christian perfection1 or 'true holiness1' out of the world1 is to place it too high1--to make it consist in something that is beyond man's power4 ,and the way to drive the doctrine of the divine inspiration of the ,scriptures out of the world1 is to give the doctrine a form which the ,scriptures themselves do not give it1--to change it from a truth into an error1--to teach that divine inspiration produces effects which it does not produce1--that it imparts qualities which it does not impart1 and which the ,scriptures themselves do not exhibit4 ,and this is what many defenders of the ,bible do4 ,and this is one great cause both of the increase of infidelity1 and of the confidence of its disciples4 ,it is impossible to prove the doctrine of the divine inspiration of the ,bible1 as that doctrine is defined by many religious writers4 ,it is not true4 ,and those who attempt to prove that the ,bible is such a book1 as these false theological theories of divine inspiration would require it to be1 must always be beaten1 in a fair fight1 with an able and well-informed infidel opponent4 ,the man who contends that the ,bible is all that certain old theories of inspiration require it to be1 fights against plain facts1 and even his friends will often see and feel that he has not succeeded4 ,he may say a many fine things1 a many good things1 a many great things1 a many glorious things about the ,bible1 and they may all be true3 and he may say a many bad things1 a many horrible things against infidelity1 and they too may be true4 ,and his friends may see and feel that1 on the whole1 he is substantially right1 and that the infidel is essentially wrong4 ,they may see and feel that on the ,christian side is all that is good1 and true1 and holy2 and that on the infidel side is a world of darkness and depravity1 of horror and despair4 ,still1 on the one definite point1 ',is the ,bible divinely inspired according to the theory of divine inspiration laid down by certain theologians1' the ,christian will be beaten out and out1--he will not only be confuted1 but confounded1 dishonored1 and utterly routed4 ,the ,bible and ,christianity will receive an undeserved wound1 and infidelity will have an undeserved triumph2 and many a poor young man whose leanings were towards the ,bible1 and who would have liked its advocate to triumph1 will be disheartened1 distressed1 embarrassed1 distracted1 and perhaps undone4 ,the true doctrine of ,scripture inspiration1 or of ,scripture authority1 is about as applicable to the common version1 and to honest ,christian translations generally1 and to all the manuscripts1 and to all the printed ,greek and ,hebrew ,bibles1 as it would be to the lost originals if they could be recovered4 ,there is divine inspiration enough in the poorest translation of the ,scriptures1 and in the most imperfect ,greek and ,hebrew transcript of them ever made1 to place the ,bible above all the books on earth1 as a means of enlightening1 regenerating1 comforting1 and saving mankind4 ,but in none of its forms is the ,bible so inspired1 as to make it what the unauthorized1 fanciful1 impossible theories of certain dreamy1 or proud1 presumptuous1 and overbearing theologians require it to be4 ,i have seen twenty or thirty definitions of ,scripture ,,inspiration all of which betray the ,bible into the hands of its adversaries4 ,and it is no use expecting to convert skeptics1 till those definitions are set aside1 and better1 truer ones put in their place4 ,we ourselves pay no regard to these definitions4 ,they are merely human fictions4 ,they have no warrant from ,scripture1 and we cannot allow ourselves to be hampered with them4 ,the passage in the ,new ,testament which speaks of the ,holy ,scriptures of the ,old ,testament as divinely inspired1 gives us no definition of divine inspiration4 ,it says1 ',all ,scripture given by inspiration of ,god is profitable for teaching1 for reproof1 for correction1 for instruction in righteousness1 tending to make the man of ,god perfect1 thoroughly furnished unto all good works3' but it goes no further4 ,it does not say that all ,scripture given by inspiration of ,god will be written in a superhuman language1 or in a superhuman style4 ,nor does it say that all its allusions to natural things will be perfectly correct2 that all the stories which it tells will be told in a superhuman way4 ,nor does it say that all the precepts1 and all the institutions1 and all the revelations1 and all the examples of the ,book will be up to the level of absolute perfection4 ,what the passage does say of such ,scriptures as are given by inspiration of ,god1 is true of the ,old ,testament writings as a whole1 and still truer of the ,new ,testament writings3 they are profitable for doctrine1 for reproof1 for correction1 and for instruction in righteousness2 and they are adapted to make men perfect1 thoroughly furnished unto all good works4 ,all this you can prove4 ,but you cannot prove that they answer to the definitions of divine inspiration so often given in books of theology4 ,there is another passage in the ,new ,testament which says that ',whatsoever things were written aforetime1 were written for our learning1 that we through patience and comfort of the ,scriptures might have hope4' ,this too is true of the ,old ,testament writings as a whole2 but it gives no countenance to the definitions of ,scripture inspiration given by dreamy theologians4 ,peter says that 'holy men of old spake as they were moved by the ,holy ,spirit2' but he does not say that everything spoken or written by holy men1 when moved by the ,holy ,spirit1 would answer to some human dream of absolute perfection4 ,he does not say that the holy men1 when moved to speak by the ,holy ,spirit1 would cease to be men1 or even be free from all the imperfections or misconceptions of their age and nation1 and speak as if they had become at once perfect in the knowledge of natural philosophy1 or of common history1 or even on every point pertaining to religion4 ,they might speak as moved by the ,holy ,spirit1 and yet utter divine oracles in an imperfect human language1 and in a defective human style1 and even use illustrations based on erroneous conceptions of natural facts and historical events4 ,a man moved to speak by the ,holy ,spirit would not exhort people to be idle or heedless2 he would urge them to be industrious and prudent3 but in enforcing his exhortation to those virtues by a reference to the ,,ant1 he might give proof that his knowledge of the ,,ant was not perfect1--that his ideas of its ways were not in every little point correct4 ,a man full of the ,holy ,spirit1 and especially a man who had received of its influences without measure1 would be sure to exhort men to be very wise and very harmless2 but he might use a form of words in his exhortation which had originated in the misconception that serpents were wiser than any other animals1 and that doves were more harmless than any other birds4 ,yet the exhortation would be good in substance2 and even the form1 being in accordance with the views prevailing in his times1 would be unobjectionable2 and both would be consistent with the fullest inspiration of the ,holy ,spirit4 ,a great1 good man1 speaking under divine impulse1 urging his son in the ,gospel to resist false and immoral teachers1 might say1 ',now as ,jannes and ,jambres withstood ,moses1 so do these also resist the truth2 but their folly shall be made manifest unto all men1 as theirs also was4' ,whether the men who withstood ,moses were really called ,jannes and ,jambres or not1 ,i do not know4 ,the ,old ,testament does not say they were4 ,the probability is1 that ,paul rested his illustration on a ,jewish tradition4 ,but as the tradition was received as true by his people1 his lesson was just as good as if it had rested on some unquestionable fact stated in authentic history4 ,and so with regard to illustrations and incidental statements and allusions generally4 ,though they may rest on misconceptions1 the moral lessons and spiritual revelations into the service of which they are pressed1 may be ,god's own oracles1 and the book in which they appear may1 as a whole1 be given by divine inspiration1 and be profitable for teaching1 for reproof1 for correction1 and for instruction in righteousness1 and conducive to all the great and desirable ends so dear to ,god4 ,there is no such thing as absolute perfection with regard to books4 ,there is no authorized standard1 no test1 no measure of absolute perfection for books2 and if there were1 no man could apply it4 ,of a thousand different books each may be perfect in its way1 yet none of them be absolutely perfect4 ,each may have some great good end in view1 and be adapted to answer that end2 and that is the only perfection of which a book admits4 ,and it is perfection enough4 ,and this perfection the ,bible has4 ,it has the best1 the highest1 the most glorious objects in view1 and it is adapted to accomplish those objects2 and that is sufficient4 ,they that undertake to prove that it has any other perfection1 will fail1 and both bring discredit on themselves1 and suspicion on the ,bible4 ,the ,bible may be more grievously wronged by unwise praise1 than by unjust censure4 ,absolutely perfect books and teachers are not necessary to our instruction and welfare4 ,we can learn all we need to know1 and all we need to do1 from books and teachers that are not perfect4 ,we have no absolutely perfect books on ,grammar1 ,rhetoric1 or ,logic4 ,yet men learn those sciences readily enough when they study them heartily and diligently4 ,we have no perfect systems of ,arithmetic1 ,geometry1 or ,algebra2 of ,geography1 ,astronomy1 or ,geology2 of ,anatomy1 ,physiology1 or ,chemistry2 of ,botany1 ,natural ,history1 or ,physical ,geography4 ,yet on all those subjects men gather an immense amount of knowledge1 make a multitude of new discoveries1 and arrive at a wonderful degree of certainty4 ,and so with arts and trades4 ,we have no absolutely perfect teachers or books in music1 or painting1 or sculpture2 in farming1 or manufactures1 or trade4 ,yet what wonderful proficients men become in those arts6 ,we have no perfect teachers of languages3 yet any man with a taste for the study of them1 may learn twenty or thirty of them in a life-time4 ,even indifferent books and teachers will enable a man who is bent on learning1 to master the most difficult language on earth4 ,a man once asked me1 ',which is the best ,english ,grammar8' ,my answer was1 ',the first you come at4 ,a poor one to-day is better than a good one to-morrow4 ,begin your studies at once with the grammar you have2 and you will soon find out which is the best4' ,and so ,i say with regard to books on other subjects4 ,make the best use you can of the books you have1 and you will soon come across better4 ,and when you do come across them1 you will be all the better prepared to profit by them1 than if you were to waste your time in idleness till you can get hold of the best of all4 ,besides2 the book that is best for others1 may not be the best for you4 ,and if a man should ask me1 ',which is the best translation of the ,bible8' ,i would say1 ',the first you come at4 ,read any1 till you meet with others4 ,then read many1 and1 using your common sense1 judge for yourself which is best4 ,that which does most to make you a good1 a strong1 a useful and a happy man is the best4' ,some want books and teachers that will save them the trouble of study4 ,and there are none such4 ,it would be a pity if there were4 ,they would do no good1 but harm4 ,nothing strengthens and develops the mind like labor4 ,but if you had the best books possible they would not enable you to acquire much useful knowledge1 without close study1 and vigorous mental effort4 ,i learned ,greek with the worst ,greek ,grammar ,i ever saw2 but when ,i had learned the language tolerably1 ,i found one of the best ,greek ,grammars in the world1 and went rapidly through it1 and found that it had little to add to the information ,i had gained already from the poorer one4 ,and it is the same with regard to books on ,god1 religion1 and duty4 ,books with numbers of defects1--with defects of style1 defects of arrangement1 and even defects in matter1 may teach you many useful lessons1 if you read and study them properly2 and the best books on earth will not teach you much if you read them carelessly4 ,a great deal1 almost every thing1 depends on the spirit or the object with which a man reads a good book4 ,you may read the best books to little profit1 and you may get great good from very inferior ones4 ,the ,bible is the best religious and moral book on earth2 it is1 in its most imperfect translations1 able to make men wise1 and good1 and useful1 and happy to the last degree1 if they will read and study it properly4 ,but there is not a better book on earth for making a man a fool1 if he comes to it with a vain mind1 a proud spirit1 a fulness of self-conceit1 or a wish to be a prophet4 ,a desire to be a prater about the millennium1 the second coming of ,christ1 the personal reign1 the orders of angels1 the ranks of devils1 the secrets of ,god's counsels1 the hidden meaning of the badgers' skins1 the shittim wood1 the ,urim and ,thummim1 the ,cherubim and ,seraphim1 the ,teraphim and ,anakim1 and all the imaginary meanings of imaginary types1 and the place where ,paradise was situated1 and the mountain peak on which the ,ark rested1 and ,behemoth1 and ,leviathan1 and the spot at which the ,israelites entered the ,red ,sea1 and the compass of ,adam's knowledge before he named the animals1 and the fiery sword at the gate of ,paradise1 and the controversial parts of ,paul's epistles1 and the mysteries of the ,book of ,revelation1 and the spiritual meaning of ,solomon's ,song1 and the place where ,satan had his meeting with the sons of ,god in the days of ,job1 and the exact way in which ,job used the potsherd1 when he scraped himself as he sat among the ashes1 c41 c41--,i say if this is what a man desires1 the ,bible will help him to his wish1 and make him the laughing-stock1 or the pity of all sensible men4 ,and if he employs the one hundred and fifty rules of ,hartwell ,horne for misinterpreting the plain portions of the ,bible1 and his one hundred and forty other rules for darkening his mind1 and confounding his soul1 the ,bible will ruin him still quicker4 ,a better book for trying a man1 and for rewarding his honesty1 and piety1 and charity1 if he has those virtues1 and for making them ever more2 or for punishing a man's vanity1 and pride1 and selfishness1 and perversity1 if he be the slave of such passions1 ,god could hardly have given4 ,and to try and to bless men are the two great objects of all ,god's revelations4 ,my opponent was fond of saying that the ,bible was an infallible guide4 ,the statement was not true in any strict and rigorous sense of the words4 ,and it was foolish for him to make it in an eager debate1 for he could never prove it4 ,and he was not long in finding this out4 ,a few plain questions set him quite fast4 ,the ,bible is an infallible guide1 you say4 ,we ask1 ,which ,bible8 ,the common version8 ,no4 ,john ,wesley's version8 ,no4 ,dr4 ,conquest's8 ,no4 ,the ,unitarian version8 ,no4 ,any version8 ,no4 ,is it some particular ,greek or ,hebrew ,bible then8 ,no4 ,is it the manuscripts8 ,no4 ,but these are all the ,bibles we have4 ,the ,bible is an infallible guide1 you say4 ,what to8 ,uniformity of opinion8 ,no4 ,uniformity of worship8 ,no4 ,uniformity of life8 ,no4 ,uniformity of feeling1 of affection1 of effort8 ,no4 ,it does not even require uniformity in those matters4 ,it supposes diversity4 ,it asks only for sincerity1 honesty1 fidelity4 ,but it is an infallible guide to all truth and duty1 you say4 ,has it guided you to all truth and duty8 ,no4 ,whom has it guided to those blessed results8 ,you cannot say4 ,but it is an infallible guide to all that truth which is necessary to a man's salvation1 you say4 ,but there is no particular amount of truth that is necessary to a man's salvation4 ,the amount of truth necessary to a man's salvation differs according to his powers and privileges4 ,that which is necessary to my salvation may not be necessary to the salvation of a ,pagan4 ,it is sincerity in the search of truth1 and fidelity in reducing it to practice1 which is necessary to a man's salvation1 and not the acquisition of some particular quantity of truth4 ,the ,bible is an infallible guide4 ,to whom8 ,to the ,catholics8 ,no4 ,to the ,unitarians8 ,no4 ,to the ,quakers8 ,no4 ,to the ,church of ,england people8 ,no4 ,to ,methodists and ,calvinists8 ,no4 ,that the ,bible is a trusty guide enough1 ,i have no doubt1 if we will faithfully and prayerfully follow it2 but to talk as if it would guide every one infallibly to exactly the same views1 or to the fulness of all truth1 is not wise4 ,it is not warranted either by the ,bible itself1 or by facts4 ,besides1 if a book is to guide a man infallibly1 it must be made perfectly plain2 it must be infallibly interpreted4 ,and where are the infallible interpreters8 ,we know of none that even profess to be such outside the ,church of ,rome2 and none but themselves and their own ,church members believe their professions4 ,you do not believe them4 ,as a rule1 the claim of infallibility is taken as a proof that the man who makes it is not only fallible1 but something worse4 ,but if we had infallible interpreters1 they would not be able to keep us from error1 unless we had infallible hearts and infallible understandings4 ,and we have no such things4 ,if we had1 we should neither need infallible books nor infallible interpreters4 ,that the ,bible is all that it needs to be1 and all that it ought to be1 ,i am satisfied2 but that it is all that some of its zealous advocates say it is1 plain and unquestionable facts make it impossible for any candid1 unbiassed1 and well-informed man to believe4 ,we have all an infallible guide within us1 if we be true ,christians4 ,for the ,spirit of ,god dwells in the hearts of all true disciples of ,christ4 ,but the infallible guide does not make us all infallible followers4 ,the infallible teacher does not make us all infallible learners4 ,we are blessed with divine inspiration1 but we are not converted into machines4 ,inspiration does not make us absolutely perfect either in knowledge or virtue1 still less does it make us perfect all at once4 ,we shall learn enough1 and we shall learn fast enough1 if we are faithful2 but we shall never be perfect or infallible in our knowledge in this world4 ,as the subject of ,bible inspiration is one of great importance1 and as it is at present exciting the greatest interest1 it may not be amiss here to give a few quotations from writers who have been led to see the doctrine in the same light as ourselves4 ,i am unable to give the names of some of the authors from whose works ,i quote1 but they are all connected with one or other of the great evangelical denominations of the day4 ,the following is from ,,bases ,,of ,,belief1 by ,edward ,miall1 one of the best books on the truth and divinity of ,christianity ,i have had the happiness to read4 ,mr4 ,miall is a ,congregational minister1 editor of the ,nonconformist ,newspaper1 and ,member of ,parliament4 ,as his remarks are lengthy1 we are obliged to abridge them in some cases4 ',it is not needed1 in order to show satisfactorily that there is a divine revelation in the record1 to prove that the record is itself divine4 ,to disprove that revelation1 a man must do something more than point out marks of imperfection in the ,book containing it1 such marks as would not be expected in a book written directly by the hand of ,god4 ,if it could be demonstrated that the penmen who have given us the life of ,christ1 were indebted to no other aid than that supplied by the good mental and moral qualifications which any others might possess1 the main strength of ,christianity as a communication of ,god's mind and will1 would remain untouched4 ',the discrepancies between the statements of the four ,evangelists1--the indications of individual or national peculiarities1--the modes of describing occurrences1 true because well understood in the locality of the speaker1 but not strictly true in other places1--all matters which serve to show that the same objects have been seen by different persons1 but from different points of view1 are to be allowed for as reconcilable with a truthfulness that may be implicitly relied upon4 ,one informant may have blundered in geography1 another may have been mistaken in an historical reference1 a third may have misquoted or misapplied some prophetical allusion1 and all may have given ample proof that they were not free from the influence of the traditions generally received in the places to which they belonged2 but unless these peculiarities and infirmities show a want of competency as witnesses1 or a lack of integrity1 they may be dismissed1 as having no bearing on the main point4 ',the question whether the ,gospel records are free from blemishes found to attach to every other record1 has nothing to do with the main issue4 ,our theories may require them to be free from such harmless imperfections2 but our reason makes no such demand4 ',the memoir of a great man does not lose its use and virtue1 because written by a biographer open to some censure3 nor can the life of ,christ fail of its transcendent purpose1 because the writers were not in all things infallible4 ',appearances of harmless human imperfections in the writers do not invalidate the sacred records4 ,for instance1 if it should be found that those faithful witnesses have given their testimony in exceptionable ,greek1--or that in some matters1 not touching their main object1 they are not enlightened above the common standard of their times and station1--or that they have habits of thought1 or speech1 or action1 which1 though perfectly innocent in themselves1 show that they are not so far advanced in science as some1--if1 in a word1 it should appear that the historic writers of the ,new ,testament were really men of the age in which they lived1 and men of the country in which they were born and educated1 subject to the then limitations of general knowledge1--men of individual tendencies1 tastes1 temperaments1 passions1 and even prejudices1--wherein is the world worse for this1 and in what respect could our reason have wished it otherwise8 ,we protest1 we do not see4 ,on the contrary1 we feel it to be an advantage1 that the divine light emanating from the life of ,jesus ,christ1 should reach us through an artless and thoroughly human medium4 ,it is no misfortune1 in our judgment1 but quite the opposite1 that 'we have this treasure in earthen vessels4' ,such traces on the pages of evangelic history as mark the writers for men1--honest1 faithful1 competent1 but yet verily and indeed men1--bring their narrative much more closely home to our sympathies1 and set us upon a more ardent search for the spirit in its several portions1 than if the story had been written by the faultless pen of some superior being4' ,mr4 ,miall then refers to the errors and discrepancies in the genealogies prefixed to two of the lives of ,christ1 and says1 ',they are accounted for1 in our view1 by the humanity of the writers4 ,we are not bound to regard the genealogies as infallibly accurate1 any more than we are bound to regard the dialect of the writers as pure ,greek4 ,no essential truth is affected by either1 and that is enough4' ,mr4 ,miall further argues that intellectual infallibility was not necessary1 and was not to be looked for1 in ,paul1 the great expounder of the ,gospel4 ,and he adds1 ',taking the ,new ,testament as a whole1 we are not disposed to deny1 that it bears upon the face of it1 many indications that its several writers were not entirely exempt from mental imperfection1--but we contend that the mental imperfection which their works exhibit1 is perfectly compatible with the communication to men of infallible knowledge respecting ,god1 ,his moral relations to us1 ,his purposes with regard to us1 and the religious duties which these things enforce on all who would attain eternal life4 ,and if this be true1 the record satisfies the spiritual need of man in its fullest extent4' ,we have given ,mr4 ,miall's views at greater length1 because he occupies so high a position1 not only in one of the largest religious denominations in ,england1 but in the country generally1 and because we have never seen any protest against his views from any writer of influence1 in any branch of the ,church of ,christ4 ,such protests may have appeared1 but we have never met with any4 ,we may add1 that while ,mr4 ,miall gives up the idea of infallibility1 he holds that the writers of the ,new ,testament history were under divine guidance in composing their several memoirs of ,christ4 ,mr4 ,miall's views on the ,old ,testament writings we may have occasion to notice further on4 ,the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,parker1 author of ,,ecce ,,deus1 has some remarks of a character somewhat similar to those of ,mr4 ,miall1 but we have not his works at hand4 ,our next quotation is from a lecture on ,,science ,,and ,,revelation1 by the very reverend ,r4 ,payne ,smith1 ,d4 ,d41 ,dean of ,canterbury4 ,the lecture was delivered at the request of the ,christian ,evidence ,society1 ,london1 and is published by that society1 in their volume1 entitled ,,modern ,,skepticism4 ',revelation has nothing to do with our physical state4 ,reason is quite sufficient to teach us all those sanitary laws by which our bodies will be maintained in healthful vigor4 ,whatever we can attain by our mental powers1 we are to attain by them4 ,physical and metaphysical science alike lie remote from the object matter of revelation4 ,the ,bible never gives us any scientific knowledge in a scientific way4 ,if it did1 it would be leaving its own proper domain4 ,when it seems to give us any such knowledge1 as in the first chapter of ,genesis1 what it says has always reference to man4 ,the first chapter of ,genesis does not tell us how the earth was formed absolutely1 but how it was prepared and fitted for man4 ,look at the work of the fourth day4 ,does any man suppose that the stars were set in the expanse of heaven absolutely that men might know what time of the year it was8 ,they did render men this service1 but this was not their great use4 ,as the ,bible speaks to all people1 at all times1 it must use popular language4' ,this writer1 like many others when they approach this subject1 speaks timidly1 and in consequence somewhat vaguely and obscurely2 but his meaning is1 that we must expect the ,bible1 on scientific subjects1 to speak1 not according to science1 but according to the prevailing ideas of their times on scientific subjects2 and that we are to regard the ,bible as our teacher1 not on every subject to which it may allude1 or on which it may speak1 but only on matters of religious truth and duty4 ,the following is from the ,rev4 ,h4 ,w4 ,beecher4 ',matthew says1 that ,jesus dwelt in ,nazareth2 that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophets1 ,he shall be called a ,nazarene4 ,no such line has ever been found in the prophets4 ',infinite ingenuity of learning has been brought to bear upon this difficulty1 without in the slightest degree solving it4 ',what would happen if it should be said that ,matthew recorded the current impression of his time in attributing this declaration to the ,old ,testament ,prophets8 ,would a mere error of reference invalidate the trustworthiness of the evangelist8 ,we lean our whole weight in other matters upon men who are fallible4 ,must a record be totally infallible before it can be trusted at all8 ,navigators trust ship1 cargo1 and the lives of all on board1 to calculations based on tables of logarithms1 knowing that there never was a set of logarithms computed1 without machinery1 that had not some error in it4 ,the supposition1 that to admit that there are immaterial and incidental mistakes in ,sacred ,writ would break the confidence of men in it1 is contradicted by the uniform experience of life1 and by the whole procedure of society4 ',on the contrary1 the shifts and ingenuities to which critics are obliged to resort1 either blunt the sense of truth1 or disgust men with the special pleading of critics1 and tend powerfully to general unbelief4 ',the theory of inspiration must be founded upon the grounds on which the ,scriptures themselves found it4 ,all ,scripture is given by inspiration of ,god1 and is profitable for doctrine1 for reproof1 for correction1 for instruction in righteousness2 that the man of ,god may be perfect1 thoroughly furnished unto all good works4 7#b ,tim4 #c3 #af1 #ag47 ',under this declaration1 no more can be claimed for the doctrine of inspiration than that there shall have been such an influence exerted upon the formation of the record1 that it shall be the truth respecting ,god1 and no falsity2 that it shall so expound the duty of man under ,god's moral government1 as to secure1 in all who will1 a true holiness2 that it shall contain no errors which can affect the essential truths taught1 or which shall cloud the reason or sully the moral sense4 ',but it is not right or prudent to infer from the ,biblical statement of inspiration1 that it makes provision for the very words and sentences2 that it shall raise the inspired penmen above the possibility of literary inaccuracy1 or minor or immaterial mistakes4 ,it is enough if the ,bible be a sure and sufficient guide to spiritual morality and rational piety4 ,to erect for it a claim to absolute literary infallibility1 or to infallibility in things not directly pertaining to faith1 is to weaken its real authority1 and to turn it aside from its avowed purpose4 ,the theory of verbal inspiration brings a strain upon the ,word of ,god which it cannot bear4 ,if rigorously pressed1 it tends powerfully to bigotry on the one side1 and to infallibility on the other4 ',the inspiration of holy men is to be construed1 as we construe the doctrine of an over-ruling and special ,providence2 of the divine supervision and guidance of the church2 of the faithfulness of ,god in answering prayer4 ,the truth of these doctrines is not inconsistent with the existence of a thousand evils1 mischiefs1 and mistakes1 and with the occurrence of wanderings long and almost fatal4 ,yet the general supervision of a ,divine ,providence is rational4 ,we might expect that there would be an analogy between ,god's care and education of the race1 and ,his care of the ,bible in its formation4 ',around the central certainty of saving truth are wrapped the swaddling-clothes of human language4 ,neither the condition of the human understanding1 nor the nature of human speech1 which is the vehicle of thought1 admits of more than a fragmentary and partial presentation of truth4 ,for we know in part1 and we prophesy in part4 7#a ,cor4 xiii4 #i47 ,still less are we then to expect that there will be perfection in this vehicle4 ,and incidental errors1 which do not reach the substance of truth and duty1 which touch only contingent and external elements1 are not to be regarded as inconsistent with the fact that the ,scriptures were inspired of ,god4 ,nor will our reverence for the ,scriptures be impaired if1 in such cases1 it be frankly said1 ',there is an insoluble difficulty4' ,such a course is far less dangerous to the moral sense than that pernicious ingenuity which1 assuming that there can be no literal errors in ,scripture1 resorts to subtle arts of criticism1 improbabilities of statement1 and violence of construction1 such as1 if made use of in the intercourse of men in daily life1 would break up society and destroy all faith of man in man4 ',we dwell at length on this topic now1 that we may not be obliged to recur to it when1 as will be the case1 other instances arise in which there is no solution of unimportant1 though real1 literary difficulties4 ',there are a multitude of minute1 and on the whole1 as respects the substance of truth1 not important questions and topics1 which1 like a fastened door1 refuse to be opened by any key which learning has brought to them4 ,it is better to let them stand closed than1 like impatient mastiffs1 after long barking in vain1 to lie whining at the door1 unable to enter1 and unwilling to go away4 ,life of ,jesus1 pp4 #gg-ha4 ,the ,rev4 ,g4 ,rawlinson1 in an able lecture in defence of the ,bible1 published by the ,,christian ,,evidence ,,society of ,london1 acknowledges that there are matters of uncertainty in some parts of the ,old ,testament history1 and says1 ',the time allowed by the common version of the ,bible for all the events which took place from the days of ,noah1 to the birth of ,christ1 and for all the changes by which the various races of men were formed1 by which civilization and the arts were developed1 etc41 is less than #b1fjj years4 ,now this is quite insufficient4 ,how is this difficulty to be met8 ,we answer2 a special uncertainty attaches to the numbers in this case4 ,they are given differently in the different ancient versions4 ,the ,samaritan version extends the time #fej years4 ,the ,septuagint extends it eight or nine hundred years4 ,if more time still be thought wanting for the development of government1 art1 science1 language1 diversities of races1 etc41 ,i should not be afraid to grant that the original record of ,scripture on this point may have been lost1 and that the true chronology cannot now be ascertained4 ,nothing in ancient manuscripts is so liable to corruption as the numbers4 ,the original mode of writing them was by signs not very different from one another1 and thus it happens that in almost all ancient works1 the numbers are found to be deserving of very little reliance4' ,but the errors and uncertainty with regard to numbers amount to nothing4 ,they do not affect the ,bible as the great religious instructor of the world4 ,the sun has its spots1 dark ones and large ones too2 and the face of the moon is not all of equal brightness2 but are the sun and the moon less useful on that account8 ,do they not answer the ends for which they were made1 and are not those ends the most important and desirable imaginable8 ,cavillers might say1 if the sun and moon were made to be lights of the earth1 why are they not all light1 and why is not their light of the greatest brilliancy possible8 ,but we too have a right to ask1 ,do they not give us light enough8 ,and is not their light as brilliant as is desirable8 ,will the caviller prove that the sun and moon would be greater blessings if their light wore more intense1 or more abundant8 ,men may have too much light as well as too little4 ,if light exceeds a certain degree of intensity1 it dazzles and blinds instead of enlightening4 ,it is well to have a little warmth1 but if the heat be increased beyond a certain point1 it burns and consumes1 instead of comforting and cheering4 ,the disposition of the caviller is anything but enviable1 and if ,god were to take him at his word1 his lot would be anything but comfortable4 ,happy are they who accept ,god's gifts as ,he presents them1 with thankfulness1 and use them in ,his service faithfully1 rejoicing and trusting in ,his infinite wisdom and love4 ,what a man wants in a book are instruction1 impulse1 strength1 correction1 regeneration1 consolation1 lessons fit to furnish him to every good work1 something to give pleasure1 supply exercise for his intellect1 conscience1 affections3 and the ,bible is all4 ,if ,god may employ an imperfect and fallible man to preach for him1 allowing a portion of his imperfections to mingle with his message1 why might ,he not employ an imperfect and fallible man to write for ,him1 allowing a portion of his imperfections to mingle with his writing8 ,the following is from the ,,bishop ,,of ,,london4 ',the vindication of the supernatural and authoritative character of the ,bible has too often been embarrassed by speculative theories not authorized by the statements of the ,bible itself4' ',it is no reply to the essential claims of the ,bible to be a supernatural revelation from ,god1 to show that certain speculative theories concerning the manner and degree of its inspiration are untenable4' ,from whose works the following quotation is made1 we do not remember4 ',the watchword of the ,reformation was1 ',the sufficiency of the ,scriptures for salvation4' ',definite theories of inspiration were seldom propounded till of late years4 ',the ,bible is a revelation of spiritual truth communicated chiefly in illustrations and figurative language1 and making use of the history1 chronology1 and other sciences of the age1 as vehicles or helps4 ,this principle will explain those seeming contradictions to science which result from the use of popular language1 as when the sun and moon are said to stand still1 or when the sun is said to go from one end of the heaven to the other1 etc4 ,it will also account for many actual errors in science1 chronology1 and history1 should such be found to exist4 ,the ,scriptures were not intended to teach men these things1 but to reveal what relates to our connection with moral law1 and the spiritual world1 and our salvation4 ,in teaching these things1 the writers availed themselves of the popular language1 and the current science and literature of the age in which they lived4 ,as in the present day a man may be well instructed in ,christian doctrine1 and have the unction from the ,holy ,one1 while ignorant of the teachings of modern science1 so likewise it was possible to those who first received religious truth and were commissioned to declare it4 ,the presence of the ,holy ,spirit no more preserved men from errors in science in the one case than in the other4 ,one may as well seek to study surveying in a biography of ,washington1 as the details of geology or chronology in ,genesis4 ',the proper test to apply to the ,gospels is1 whether each gives us a picture of the life and ministry of ,jesus that is self-consistent and consistent with the others2 such as would be suitable to the use of believers4 ',many of the apparent contradictions of the ,bible may be explained by the mistakes of transcribers1 or in some other way equally natural2 but1 as the ,bishop of ,london has well remarked1 ',when laborious ingenuity has exerted itself to collect a whole store of such difficulties1 supposing them to be real1 what on earth does it signify8 ,they may be left quietly to float away without our being able to solve them1 if we bear in mind the acknowledged fact1 that there is a human element in the ,bible4' ',what if many of the numbers given in ,exodus should1 as ,bishop ,colenso asserts1 be inaccurate8 ,what is to be gained by assertions or denials relative to matters which have for ever passed out of the reach of our verification8 ,and what if1 here and there1 a law should seem to us strange and unaccountable2 an event difficult to comprehend2 a statement to involve an apparent contradiction8 ,what has all this to do with the essential value of the ,book4 ,absolutely nothing1 unless thereby its honesty truthfulness can be set aside4 ',if error were cunningly interspersed with truth in the ,bible1 the case would be different4 ,but it is not so4 ,the ,book1 as a whole1 and as it stands1 is wholesome and useful2 each portion of it has its proper place1 and is adequate to fulfil its appointed end4 ,but everything in the ,book does not take hold alike on the heart and conscience4 ,it may be very interesting1 as indeed it is1 to trace on the map the various journeyings of ,st4 ,paul1 or the wanderings of the children of ,israel in the wilderness2 to note a hundred designed coincidences1 etc4 ,yet all this may be done without the slightest moral or spiritual benefit to the man who does it4 ,and1 of course1 all this may be left undone by others without the slightest spiritual loss or disadvantage4' ,the following may be our own4 ,the great thing is to use the ,scriptures as a means of instruction in religious truth and ,christian duty1 and as a means of improvement in all moral excellence and ,christian usefulness4 ,set the doctrine of ,scripture inspiration too high1 and people1 finding that the ,scriptures do not come up to it1 will conclude that the doctrine is false1--that the ,scriptures are not inspired1--that they do not differ from other books1--that divine revelation is a fiction1--that religion is a delusion1--and that the true philosophy of life and of the universe is infidelity4 ,and the ,scriptures do not come up to the doctrine of inspiration held by many4 ,it is impossible they should4 ,no book written in human language can come up to it4 ,what they say an inspired book must be1 no book on earth ever was1 and no book ever will be4 ,and infidels see it1 and are confirmed in their infidelity4 ,and others see it and become infidels4 ,and ,christians argue with them and are overcome4 ,and others are perplexed and bewildered1 and obliged to close their eyes to facts1 and though they cling to their belief1 they are troubled with fears and misgivings as long as they live4 ,if men would be strong in the faith1 and strong in its defence1 they should accept nothing as part of their creed but what is strictly true4 ,there are passages which speak of the sun smiting men by day1 and there is one at least which speaks of the moon smiting men by night1 and both1 for any thing ,i know1 may be literally true4 ,but suppose it were proved that neither the sun nor the moon ever smites men1 would my faith in ,christianity1 or in the divine inspiration of the ,bible1 be shaken thereby8 ,not at all4 ,nor would it destroy or weaken the effect of the passages on my mind in which those allusions to the sun and moon occur4 ,i should still believe in the substantial truth of the passages1 namely1 that1 day and night1 the good man is secure under the protection of ,god4 ,a man says that he has lately been under 'disastrous influences4' ,literally1 the words disastrous influences mean the influences of unfriendly stars4 ,but there are no unfriendly stars4 ,then why does he use such an expression8 ,because1 though it does not now in its current meaning refer to the stars at all1 it means calamitous1 unfavorable1 influences4 ,i do not believe that the sun like a strong man runs a race3 ,i believe its motion is only apparent1--that the real motion is in the earth4 ,but do ,i therefore question the divine inspiration of the ,bible which uses that expression8 ,not at all2 for the words are substantially true4 ,and so in a hundred other cases4 ,and so in passages of other kinds4 ,it does not matter to me whether the account of creation in ,genesis answers literally to the real processes revealed by ,geology1 or whether the account of the flood answers exactly to past facts4 ,both accounts are perfect as lessons of divine truth and duty1 and that is enough4 ,those who undertake to prove that every passage of the ,bible is literally true1 must fail4 ,if they were all literally true1 they would never have done4 ,there are more difficult passages1 and more apparent little contradictions1 than any man could go through in a life-time4 ,i would no more undertake such a task than ,i would undertake to prove that every leaf1 and every flower1 and every seed1 of every plant on earth is perfect1 and that each is exactly like its fellows4 ,god's honor and man's welfare are as much concerned in the one as in the other4 ,they are concerned in neither4 ,the leaves1 the flowers1 and the seeds of plants are right enough1--they are as perfect as they need to be1--and ,i ask no more4 ,and the ,bible is as perfect as it needs to be1 and ,i am satisfied4 ,the following is abridged from a work entitled ,,christianity ,,and ,,our ,,era1 by the ,rev4 ,g4 ,gilfillan of ,scotland4 ,mr4 ,gilfillan speaks of it as a ',generally admitted fact1 that there is a human1 as well as a divine element in ,scripture1' and adds1 'that this should modify our judgment in considering perplexing discrepancies and minor objections4 ,there are spots in the sun2 there are bogs on the earth2 and why should the perplexities in a book1 which is a multifarious collection of poetico-theological and historical tracts1 written in various ages1 and subject1 in their history1 to many human vicissitudes1 bewilder and appal us8 ,the candid inquirer will be satisfied if1 from the unity of spirit1 the truth and simplicity of manner1 the majesty of thought1 the heavenliness of tone1 and the various collateral and external proofs1 he gathers a general inspiration in the ,bible1 and the general truth of ,christianity4 ,logical strictness1 perfect historic accuracy1 systematic arrangement1 etc41 could not be expected in a book of intuitions and bursts of inspiration2 the authors of which seemed often the child-like organs of the power within4 ,it seemed enough that there should be no wilful mis-statements1 and no errors but those arising from the inevitable conditions to which all writings are liable4 ,the skeptic who proceeds to peruse the ,bible1 expecting it everywhere to be conformable to the highest ideal standard--that there shall be nothing to perplex his understanding1 to try his belief1 or to offend his taste1 will be disappointed1 and will either give up his task1 or go on in weariness and hesitation4 ,on the other hand1 if he be told to prepare for historical discrepancies1 for staggering statements1 for phrases more plain than elegant1 and for sentences of inscrutable darkness1 he will be far more likely to come to a satisfactory conclusion4 ,and the apparent dark spots will only serve to increase the surrounding splendor4 ,we therefore cry to the skeptic who purposes to explore the region of revelation2 ',we promise you no pavement of gold2 you will find your path an ,alpine road1 steep1 rugged1 with profound chasms below1 and giddy precipices above1 and thick mists often closing in around1 but rewarding you by prospects of ineffable loveliness1 by gleams of far-revealing light1 and delighting you with a thousand unearthly pleasures4 ,try this pass1 with a sincere desire to come at truth1 and with hope and courage in your hearts1 and you will be richly rewarded1 and the toils of the ascent will seem to you afterwards only a portion of your triumph4' ,one writer gives the following definition of inspiration4 ',a supernatural1 divine influence on the sacred writers1 by which they were qualified to communicate moral and religious truth with authority4' ,this is tolerable4 ,another writer says1 ',it is a miraculous influence1 by which men are enabled to receive and communicate divine truth4' ,this too is tolerable1 notwithstanding the word miraculous4 ,another writer says1 ',there has been a great diversity of opinions among the best men of all ages1 as to the nature and extent of ,bible inspiration4' ,he might have added1 that these opinions have generally been nothing more than opinions1--mere fancies1 theories1 framed without regard to facts4 ,another writer says1 ',it should be remembered1 that the inspiration which breathes through the ,book is not of a scientific1 critical1 or historical character1 but exclusively religious4' ,he means1 that while inspiration makes the ,bible all that is desirable as a teacher on religious matters1 it does not1 on other subjects1 raise it above the views of the ages and places in which it was written4 ,for he adds1 ',the sacred record is not in every respect faultless4 ,it is not free from literary1 typographical1 and other defects4 ,nature herself1 where no one can deny the finger of ,god1 has imperfections4 ,the ,book presents the same characteristics as the best and highest of ,god's other gifts1 namely1 not the outward symmetry of a finite and mechanical perfection1 but the inward1 elastic1 and reproductive power of a divine life6' ,the meaning of this latter vague and wordy sentence seems to be1 that the inspiration of the ,bible is such as to make it a powerful means of producing spiritual life1--real religion2 but not such as to preserve it from little ordinary human errors and imperfections4 ,this writer represents ,dr4 ,stowe as saying1 ',inspiration1 according to the ,bible1 is just that measure of extraordinary ,divine influence afforded to the sacred speakers and writers1 which was necessary to secure the purpose intended1 and no more4' ,this too we can accept4 ,it does not authorize us to expect of the ,bible1 or require us to prove with regard to it1 any thing more1 than that it is adapted to be the religious and moral instructor of mankind4 ,this same writer represents ,dr4 ,robinson as saying1 ',whenever1 and as far as1 divine assistance was necessary1 it was always afforded4' ,this too is tolerable4 ,one writer says1 ',divine inspiration cannot be claimed for the transcribers or translators of the original ,scriptures4' ,we think it can4 ,we see no reason to doubt1 but that many of the transcribers and translators of the ,scriptures were as much under the influence of the ,holy ,spirit1--the spirit of love1 and truth1 and all goodness1--as the original writers4 ,our impression is1 that the common version is as truly the work of divine inspiration1 as any book on earth4 ,one writer says1 ',the language of the whole ,bible is that of appearances4 ,in drawing illustrations from nature1 the writers could not have been understood1 unless they had used figures and forms of speech based on nature as popularly understood4 ,hence the heavenly bodies are spoken of as revolving round the earth1 the ant as storing up food in summer1 and the earth as being immovable1 all of which are now known to be contrary to strict truth4' ,this writer1 like some others1 feeling as if he had gone too far in uttering words so true1 contradicts them a few pages after1 and makes a number of statements which remind one of what the ,apostle says1 about handling the word of ,god deceitfully4 ,one would be tempted to charge him with 'cunning craftiness1' only his craft is not very cunning4 ,when religious teachers act so unfaithfully1 they have no right to complain if people lose all confidence in their honesty4 ,we grant1 however1 that the temptation to keep back the truth on this point is very strong1 and we must not be hard on the timid ones4 ,it is not always a fear of personal loss or suffering that keeps men from speaking freely on religious subjects1 but a dread of lessening their usefulness1 of hurting the minds of good though mistaken people1 or of disturbing and injuring the ,church4 ,but it is no use trying to cheat unbelievers4 ,you cannot do it4 ,they will find you out1 and be all the more suspicious and skeptical in consequence4 ,we must deal with them honestly2 tell them nothing but what is true1 and use no arguments but what are sound and unanswerable4 ,advocates of ,christianity have made numberless unbelievers by teaching erroneous doctrines1 and by using weak and vicious arguments4 ,the ,christian should so speak and act1 that it shall be impossible for any one ever to find him in the wrong4 ,the following is probably our own4 ,the historical difficulties of the ,bible amount to little4 ,they do not affect its scope and tendency1 as a moral and spiritual teacher4 ,nor are they inconsistent with the doctrine that the ,scriptures were given by inspiration of ,god1 as that doctrine is presented in the ,scriptures themselves4 ,they may be inconsistent with the views of ,scripture inspiration taught by certain ,theologians2 but all we have to do is to set the views of these ,theologians aside1 and content ourselves with the simple teachings of ,scripture4 ,now the doctrine of ,scripture inspiration as taught by the ,scriptures themselves1 gives me no authority to expect the ,scriptures to be free from historical and scientific errors1 or from any of those so-called imperfections which are inseparable from human language or from human nature4 ,it authorizes me to expect that the ,scriptures shall aim at my moral and spiritual instruction and salvation1 and that they shall be adapted to answer that great end4 ,it authorizes me to expect that the body and substance of the ,book shall be true and good1 and that a spirit of wisdom and purity and love shall pervade the ,book1 giving it a rousing and a sanctifying power4 ,it authorizes me to expect in it all that is necessary to bring me into harmony and fellowship with ,christ1 to fill me with ,his spirit1 to change me into ,his likeness1 to enable me to live as ,he lived1 and to labor as ,he labored4 ,it authorizes me to expect in the ,bible all that is necessary to comfort me in affliction1 to give me patience1 to sustain my hopes1 and to support and cheer me in the hour of death4 ,and all this ,i find in infinite abundance4 ,i find it in a multitude of forms1--forms the most touching and impressive4 ,i find it presented in the plainest1 simplest style4 ,i find in the ,bible an infinite treasury of all that is holy1 just and good1--of all that is beautiful1 sublime1 and glorious1--of all that is quickening1 renovating1 strengthening1--of all that is cheering1 exhilarating1 transporting1--of all that ,i can wish for or enjoy1--of all that my powers can comprehend1--of all that my soul can appropriate and use4 ,i find in it1 in short1 riches unsearchable1 beyond all that ,i could ever have asked1 or thought4 ,and what can ,i wish for more8 ,god has given us no perfect teachers1 no perfect preachers1 no perfect churches2 why should we suppose it necessary that ,he should give us a perfect book8 ,he has not given us any perfect books on medicine1 on diet1 on trades1 on politics1 on farming1 on gardening1 on education1 or on poetry4 ,why should we expect ,him to give us one on religion8 ,as a matter of fact1 ,he has not done so4 ,our common ,bible is a translation4 ,so are all the common ,bibles in the world4 ,and all translations are imperfect4 ,the translations are made from ,greek and ,hebrew ,bibles1 and those are all imperfect4 ,the ,greek and ,hebrew ,bibles are compiled or formed from ,greek and ,hebrew manuscripts4 ,but these also are imperfect4 ,they all differ from each other4 ,and no one can tell which is nearest to the originals1 for the originals are lost4 ,so that whether there was an absolutely perfect ,bible at first or not1 there is no such ,bible now4 ,god ,himself has so ordered things1 that all the ,bibles in the world1 like all the preachers1 churches1 and teachers1 share the innocent imperfections of our common humanity4 ,suppose the original ,bible to have been perfect1 and to have been preserved from destruction1 only one person could have possessed it4 ,the rest would have had to be content with imperfect human copies4 ,god might ,himself have written perfect ,bibles for all mankind1 but ,he did not choose to do it4 ,or ,he might have made perfect copies of the original ,bible1 but ,he did not choose to do even that4 ,he might have employed a few legions of angels in making copies of the ,bible2 but that ,he did not do4 ,he left the work to be done by men1 and men have done it1 as they do all their work1 imperfectly4 ,still1 they have done it well enough4 ,the poorest manuscript ,bible in the world is good enough4 ,the most imperfect ,greek and ,hebrew ,bible is good enough4 ,the poorest translation is good enough4 ,it is so good1 we mean1 that those who are able to read it1 may learn from it all that is necessary to make them good1 and useful1 and happy on earth1 and to fit them for the blessedness of eternal life in heaven4 ,there is a sense in which no translation of the ,scriptures is good enough1 if we can make it better2 and we have no desire to prevent men from doing their best to improve the translations in all languages as much as possible4 ,but do not let them make the impression that a perfect translation is necessary or even possible2 for it is not4 ,god has caused the ,bible to be written in such a way1 ,he has put all important matters of truth and duty in such a variety of forms1 that any translation1 made with a reasonable amount of learning and honesty1 is sure to make things intelligible enough in some of the forms in which they are presented in the ,book4 ,the ,bible1 like the ,church and the ,ministry1 is a great mixture of the human and the divine4 ,there is not a single book1 nor a single passage perhaps1 in the whole volume1 in which the weaknesses of man and the perfections of ,god are not blended4 ,everywhere we have revelations of the divine glory1 and everywhere we have manifestations of human imperfection4 ,we have human errors side by side with divine truths4 ,we have neither a perfect teacher nor a perfect example in the whole ,book1 but one2 and of that one we have not a perfect record1 either of ,his teachings or ,his life4 ,we have nothing but brief1 imperfect1 fragmentary records of either4 ,they are perfect enough2 but they are very imperfect4 ,and ,moses1 and the ,prophets1 and the ,apostles1 are perfect enough2 but they are all imperfect4 ,the ,bible is perfect enough2 but it is1 according to the ordinary meaning of the word1 still imperfect4 ,we do not need perfection1 we do not need infallibility1 in anything2 and we have it not4 ,imperfection is better1 and that we have in everything4 ,and all this is in keeping with ,god's doings in other cases1 ',the inspiration of the ,holy ,one giveth man understanding2' but does not make his mind infallible4 ,christians 'have an unction1 an inspiration1 from the ,holy ,one1 and know all things3' and yet they do not know all things2 but only those things which pertain to ,god and ,christ3 and even their knowledge of these is acquired not all at once1 or without the use of means2 but by degrees only1 and by the faithful use of their natural powers4 ,the ,apostles were not machines4 ,their inspiration did not take away their liberty1 or suspend the use of their natural powers4 ,nor did it teach them natural science1 or history2 or lift them above ordinary1 innocent errors4 ,nor did it cause them to learn all ,christian truth at once4 ,they gained their knowledge by degrees4 ,some imagine1 that the moment the ,apostles received the ,spirit on the day of ,pentecost1 they were perfect and infallible2 whereas it took them nearly ten years to learn that they were to preach the ,gospel to the ,gentiles4 ,they had the words of ,christ1 ',go ye into all the world1 and preach the ,gospel to every creature2' yet it required nearly ten years1 and a special vision1 to make them understand that every creature included the ,gentiles4 ,nor have we any proof that the ,spirit ever made the ,apostles infallible in every little matter4 ,paul says1 when speaking of the resurrection1 ',that which thou sowest is not quickened1 except it die4' ,now the truth is1 that the seed from which the harvest springs1 does not die4 ,it simply expands and unfolds4 ,his doctrine was right1 but the notion on which he grounded his illustration of it was an error4 ,but it answered his purpose4 ,and there is a sense in which seed dies4 ,it ceases to be a seed in becoming a plant4 ,bishop ,watson says1 'a grain of wheat must become rotten before it can sprout2' but that is not the case4 ,it ceases to be a mere grain to become a plant2 but it does not become rotten2 it remains alive and sound4 ,the ,apostle is an able minister1 a glorious interpreter of ,christ and ,his doctrine2 and there is nothing seriously amiss in his illustrations2 but several of them are based on prevailing misconceptions4 ,some say1 ',if the ,apostles were not infallible in everything1 their writings would be of no use to us4 ,if they might err in one thing1 they might err in others1 and we could have no certainty of the truth of anything4' ,but that is not true4 ,on one occasion1 ,paul says1 ',i knew not that it was ,god's high-priest4' ,and on another1 he says1 ',i baptized none of you but ,crispus and ,gaius4' ,afterwards he says ',i baptized also the house of ,stephanas3' and he finishes by saying1 ',i know not whether ,i baptized any other4' ,will you say1 ',if ,paul could be ignorant or mistaken about the high-priest1 or the number of persons he had baptized2 he might be ignorant or mistaken on every subject8' ,the truth is1 a man who was so much taken up with great things1 would be sure to think but little of small things4 ,his determination to know nothing but ,christ2 would be sure to keep him from wasting his time or strength on trifles4 ,a man's ignorance on some points is often proportioned to his knowledge on others4 ,and ,paul is all the more trustworthy on great matters of ,christian truth and duty1 because of his indifference to matters of little or no importance4 ,and say what we will1 the ,apostles were not infallible on every point1 and they never professed to be so4 ,they professed to be inspired1 and inspired they were1 but they did not profess to be wholly infallible1 and it is certain they were not so4 ,and the admission of the truth on this point1 will not destroy our confidence in them on others4 ,we may believe that the ,apostles were fallible on matters of little moment1 and have the fullest assurance possible that they were right on matters of great importance4 ,the ,apostles themselves were sufficiently assured of the truth of those impressions which they had received about ,christ through their eyes and ears2 yet neither the eyes nor the ears of man are always or absolutely infallible4 ,i have myself mistaken blue for green1 and yellow for white2 and ,i recollect two occasions on which coal or jet1 seemed1 at a distance1 in the sunlight1 as white as snow4 ,and ,i have often thought things to be moving1 which were at rest2 and things to be at rest1 which were moving4 ,yet ,i have the fullest confidence in my eyes4 ,i have sometimes been mistaken with regard to sounds4 ,i have thought a sound to be near1 when it was far off2 and ,i have thought a sound to be far off1 when it was near4 ,and ,i have often mistaken one sound for another4 ,yet ,i have all the confidence ,i need to have in my ears4 ,both eyes and ears may need the help of the mind at times2 but the mind is always at hand with its help4 ,in short1 ,i know that all my senses are fallible2 yet on every point of moment ,i have all the assurance1 with regard to things sensible1 that is needful to my welfare4 ,and so with regard to religious matters4 ,there is nothing like omniscience1--nothing like infinite or absolutely perfect knowledge or infallibility in any man3 yet every one may have all the information and all the assurance on things moral and spiritual needful to his comfort and salvation4 ,our assurance of the truth and excellency of ,christian doctrine rests on something better1 surer1 than theological and metaphysical niceties4 ,you who fancy that your strong and heart-cheering faith rests on theological theories1 and that if those theories were exploded1 it would perish1 are1 happily1 under a great mistake4 ,your faith1 and hope1 and joy1 rest on the harmony between ,christianity and your souls4 ,my faith and trust in the outward world1 and my infinite appreciation of its arrangements1 rest1 not on any philosophical theory2 but on the wonderful1 the perfect adaptation of every thing to my nature1 to my wants1 to my comfort and welfare4 ,nature answers to me1 fits into me1 at every point4 ,i am just the kind of being nature was made for2 and nature is just the kind of world my being requires4 ,they match4 ,they answer to each other exactly1 all round1 and make one glorious and blessed whole4 ,and this is the secret of my trust in nature4 ,and so it is with regard to ,christianity and my soul4 ,they are made for each other4 ,they fit each other4 ,my soul just wants what ,christianity brings2 and ,christianity just brings what my soul requires4 ,it answers to my soul1 as light and beauty answer to the eye1 and as sound and music answer to the ear1 and the whole of nature to the whole of man4 ,there is neither want1 nor superfluity1 nor disagreement4 ,christianity and my soul1 like nature and my physical being1 are a glorious match4 ,they are one3 as ,i and my life are one4 ,christ is my life4 ,christ is my all4 ,and ,he is all that my soul requires or desires4 ,and this is the ground of the good ,christian's faith4 ,it is not external or historical evidence2 it is not metaphysical niceties or theories2 it is not the endless mass of jarring evidences of any kind which lie in misty1 musty1 dusty volumes on the shelves of dreamy1 doting divines1 that makes you feel at rest in ,jesus2 but ,jesus ,himself1 whose fulness just answers to your wants1 and whose life and love just make your heaven4 ,it is just that1 and nothing more4 ,there is a story of a judge who was celebrated for the wisdom and justice of his judgments1 but often censured for the weakness or folly of the reasons which he gave for them4 ,many ,christians resemble this judge4 ,they make a wise and worthy profession of faith2 but when they attempt to give reasons for their belief1 they betray the most lamentable ignorance4 ,they have good reasons1 but they cannot put them into words4 ,they do not always know what their reasons for believing are4 ,the reasons they assign are not their real reasons4 ,they believed1 and believed on good grounds1 for sufficient reasons1 years before they heard of the reasons they give for their belief to those who question them on the subject4 ,the reasons they assign did not at first convince them1 and they are not the kind of reasons likely to convince others4 ,and it would be better if1 instead of assigning them1 they were to say3 ',well2 ,i do not know that ,i can tell you the reasons why ,i believe the ,bible2 but ,i have reasons4 ,i am satisfied my belief is right4 ,i am satisfied the ,bible is the right thing for me4 ,i meet with things in it that make me feel very happy4 ,i meet with things in it that will not let me do wrong2 that will keep impelling me to do right1 to do good4 ,i meet with things in it that support me in trouble2 that make me thankful in prosperity2 that fill me with good thoughts1 good feelings1 good purposes1 good hopes1 great peace1 sweet rest1 strong confidence1 and a blessed prospect of a better life4 ,i like the ,bible ,god3 ,he is a great protector1 and a blessed comforter4 ,i like the ,bible story about ,jesus1 and all the glorious things it says about ,his love and salvation4 ,in short1 the ,bible is a great part of my life1 my soul1 my joy1 my strength1 my being1 and ,i don't know what ,i could do without it4 ,i cannot argue4 ,i don't know the reasons why ,i believe4 ,but the ,bible just suits my soul1 and ,i am inclined to believe that the world would be a dark place1 and life a poor affair1 without its blessed revelations and precious promises4' ,now in speaking thus1 most men would really1 without knowing it1 be giving the reasons or grounds of their faith4 ,the great reason really is1 the perfect adaptation of the ,bible to their nature and wants4 ,they believe unconsciously and unthinkingly in the divinity of nature1 on account of the wonderful adaptation of its provisions to their natural wants4 ,they believe in virtuous love1 and honorable marriage1 and family life1 and natural affections1 and friendship1 and society1 and government1 and law1 on similar grounds4 ,the reasons of their faith are real1 and good1 and strong2 but like the roots of a tree1 they are low down1 out of sight1 under the ground4 ,they do not reflect on them1 dig them up1 bring them to the light1 and give them a critical examination4 ,this internal evidence is gaining favor day by day4 ,it is preferred by the ablest modern writers to all others4 ,it was the evidence that vanquished the infidel socialists of five and thirty years ago4 ,it is the evidence that makes our modern infidel advocates wince and waver4 ,they hardly think it necessary to notice the historical evidences4 ,they know that they seldom get hold of men's hearts4 ,but they cannot afford to despise the internal evidences4 ,they are a real power4 ,thousands are touched by a sight of ,jesus as presented in the ,gospels1 for one that is moved by arguments from miracles or prophecies4 ,even the miracles of ,jesus owe their chief power to their benevolent character4 ,the ablest ,american writer on the ,evidences of ,christianity1 ,rev4 ,mark ,hopkins1 makes the moral and internal evidence almost everything1 and the external ones next to nothing4 ,the ,rev4 ,f4 ,c4 ,cooke1 ,canon of ,exeter1 in his lecture before the ,christian ,evidence ,society of ,london1 says1 ',the one great evidence1 the master evidence1 the evidence with which all other evidences will stand or fall1 is ,christ ,himself speaking by ,his own word4 ,it is the character of ,jesus that makes men feel that ,he and ,his religion are divine4 ,it is this that warms men's hearts1 and wins their love1 and produces a faith full of life and power4 ,other evidences apart from this leave men cold1 and indifferent1 or opposed to ,christ4' ,but more on this point hereafter4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,goes ,,into ,,politics4 ,,arrested4 ,,lodged ,,in ,,prison4 ,,elected ,,town ,,councillor1 ,,member ,,of ,,parliament1 ,c4 ,in #ahdf1 ,i began to dabble in politics4 ,and my views of political subjects were as much out of the ordinary way as my views on matters pertaining to religion4 ,i was a republican4 ,i would have no ,king1 no ,queen1 no ,house of ,lords1 and no ,state ,church4 ,i would abolish the laws of entail and primogeniture1 and reduce land to a level with other kinds of property4 ,the sale of land should be as untrammelled as that of common merchandise1 and it should be as liable to be taken for debt4 ,i broached startling views with regard to the right of property in land1 and urged that as it was naturally common property1 it should be considered as belonging1 in part1 to the nation1 or ,government1 and made to bear the principal burden of taxation4 ,i recommended that the property of the church should be used for the promotion of education4 ,i proposed to divide the country into equal electoral districts1 and give to every man who was not a criminal1 a vote for members of ,parliament4 ,as a rule1 ,i held up ,america as an example in matters of government1 but objected to a ,senate and a four years' ,president1 preferring to place all power in the hands of one ,body1 the direct representatives of the people4 ,a committee of that ,body should be the ministry1 and the chairman of that committee the ,president4 ,i really believed that this would be the perfection of ,government4 ,and if all men were naturally good1 as ,unitarianism taught1 what could be wiser or better calculated to secure the happiness of a nation1 than to give every one an equal share of the power8 ,i believed with ,paine1 that a pure and unqualified democracy would secure the strictest economy1 the greatest purity1 the best laws1 and the most perfect administration of the laws4 ,i also believed that a pure unmixed democracy would prevent insurrections1 rebellions1 and civil war1 and that it would promote peace with all the world4 ,true1 ,i believed the people would require education1 but ,i also believed that an ultra democracy would see to it that the people were educated1 and educated in the best possible way4 ,were not the people educated in ,america8 ,and were we not taught that the educational system of ,america was the result of its democratic form of ,government8 ,and were not ,price and ,priestley democrats8 ,and were not ,channing and ,parker1 the two great lights of ,unitarianism in ,america1 democrats8 ,democracy then was the remedy for the evils of the world2 the one thing needful to the salvation of our race4 ,more extravagant or groundless notions have seldom entered the mind of man4 ,yet ,i accepted them as the true political gospel1 and exerted myself to the utmost to propagate them among the masses of my countrymen4 ,the ,irish reformers demanded a repeal of the ,union and the right of self-government4 ,i advocated both repeal for ,ireland and ,republicanism for ,england4 ,and in all my speeches and publications ,i gave utterance to the bitterest reproaches against the aristocracy1 and against all who took their part4 ,i had suffered grievously in my early days4 ,i had been subjected to all the hardships and miseries of extreme poverty4 ,i had spent three years on the verge of starvation1 never knowing1 more than twice or thrice during the whole of that dreadful period1 what it was to have the gnawings of hunger appeased by a plentiful meal4 ,i had seen one near and dear to me perish for want of food1 and had escaped the same sad fate myself by a kind of miracle only4 ,and all these sufferings ,i believed to have been caused by the corn and provision laws1 enacted and maintained by the selfishness of the aristocracy4 ,i regarded the aristocracy therefore1 and all who took their part1 as my personal enemies2 as men who had robbed me of my daily bread1 and all but sent me to an untimely grave4 ,i regarded them as the greatest of criminals1 as the enemies of the human race4 ,i considered them answerable for the horrors of the first great ,french ,revolution1 and for the miseries of the ,irish famine4 ,i gave them credit for nothing good4 ,true1 they had allowed the ,reform ,bill of #ahca to pass1 but not till they saw that a refusal would cause a revolution4 ,they had accepted free trade1 but not till they saw that to reject it would be their ruin4 ,i had not then learnt that in legislating with an eye to their own interests they had done no more than other classes are accustomed to do when they get possession of power4 ,i had not yet discovered that the germs of selfish legislation and tyranny are sown in the hearts of all1 and that the faults of the higher classes prevail among all classes under different forms4 ,i saw the misdoings of the parties in power1 and looked no further1 and ,i heaped on them the bitterest invectives4 ,my passionate hatred of the privileged classes1 expressed in the plainest ,english1 and justified1 apparently1 by so much that was bad in the history of their doings1 roused the indignation of my hearers and readers to the highest pitch4 ,i commenced a periodical1 which at once became a favorite with the ultra democrats1 and speedily gained an extensive circulation4 ,in #ahdg1 in my ,companion to the ,almanacs1 ,i foretold the ,french ,revolution of #ahdh4 ,how it happened ,i do not exactly know2 but ,i have1 at times1 made remarkable guesses1 and this perhaps was one of them4 ,when the ,revolution took place it caused a tremendous excitement in every nation in ,europe4 ,kings and emperors found it necessary to promise their subjects constitutional governments4 ,it turned the heads of many people in ,england4 ,numbers who had never been politicians before1 became politicians then4 ,and many politicians who had previously been moderate in their views1 became wild and revolutionary4 ,the ,chartists clamored for the ,charter1 the whole ,charter1 and nothing but the ,charter4 ,meetings were held in almost every part of the country1 and speeches were delivered1 and publications were circulated1 of a most inflammatory character4 ,monster demonstrations were got up1 and many who did not take part in them encouraged them1 in hopes that they would frighten the ,government into large concessions to the party of reform4 ,a meeting of the leading reformers was called in ,london1 and ,i was present4 ,young ,stansfield1 now member of ,parliament1 was there1 and ,sergeant ,parry1 and ,edward ,miall1 and ,henry ,vincent1 and a number of others4 ,the ,chartists arranged for a convention in ,london1 and ,i was sent as a member4 ,the meeting cut but a pitiful figure4 ,it soon got into unspeakable disorder4 ,the second day the question was1 ,what means should we recommend our constituents to use in order to obtain the reforms they desired8 ,i1 extravagant as ,i had shown myself on many points1 had always set myself against resort to violence4 ,my counsel therefore was for peaceful1 legal measures4 ,ernest ,jones and several others clamored for organization1 with a view to an armed insurrection4 ,by and by we got into confusion again4 ,some one hinted that agents of the ,government were present1 and that we were venturing on dangerous ground4 ,ernest ,jones replied1 ,it is not for us to be afraid of the ,government1 but for the ,government to be afraid of us4 ,confusion got worse confounded4 ,i began to be ashamed of my position4 ,mad as ,i was1 ,i was not insane enough for the leaders of the convention1 so ,i started home4 ,on ,good ,friday there was an immense meeting on ,skircoat ,moor1 near ,halifax1 and ,i was one of the speakers4 ,it was the largest assembly ,i ever saw4 ,the ,speakers that preceded me talked about the uselessness of talk1 and called for action4 ,i talked about the usefulness of talk1 and contended that resort to violence would be both folly and wickedness4 ,while ,i was speaking1 a man in the crowd on my left fired a pistol1 as if to intimidate me1 and encourage the party favorable to insurrection4 ,i at once denounced him as a traitor1 who had come to hurry the people into crime1 or a madman1 whom no one ought for a moment to think of imitating4 ,the physical force men were terribly vexed at my remarks1 but the mass of the meeting applauded my counsels1 and the immense concourse dispersed and went home1 without either perpetrating a crime1 or meeting with an accident4 ,my advocacy of peace was duly appreciated by some even of those who lamented the extravagance of my views on other subjects4 ,others looked on me with unmitigated horror4 ,and the feelings of the richer classes generally against me rose to such a pitch at length1 that it was hardly safe for me to go abroad after dark4 ,my religious and political opponents joined their forces1 and seemed bent on my destruction4 ,they believed ,i was undermining the foundations of society1 and throwing all things into confusion4 ,they looked on me as little better than a madman1 scattering abroad firebrands1 arrows1 and death4 ,and many treated me as a kind of outlaw1 as a man who had no rights that anybody was bound to respect2 and rude boys and reckless men took liberties with my property1 and even threatened me with death4 ,insurance companies would not insure my property4 ,schoolmasters would not admit my sons into their schools1 lest others should take their children away4 ,mothers would not allow their daughters to play with my little daughter1 lest she should infect them with her father's heresies4 ,after the ,summer ,assizes in #ahdh1 the judge at ,liverpool issued ,bench warrants for the arrest of a number of political agitators1 and in the list of the names of those parties1 published in the newspapers1 mine was included4 ,as ,i had always kept within the limits of the law1 and as ,i had received no visit from the police1 ,i supposed that my name had been inserted in the list by mistake4 ,and as ,i was allowed to remain at large for six weeks1 ,i felt confident that it was either some other ,joseph ,barker that was wanted1 or that my name had been mentioned as one of the parties to be arrested1 in jest1 or to frighten me into silence4 ,and the probability is1 that if ,i had kept at home and remained quiet1 ,i should have been permitted to go on with my business undisturbed4 ,but ,i had an engagement at the end of six weeks1 to give two political lectures at ,bolton4 ,just about that time a vacancy occurred in the representation of that ,borough1 and my friends there1 without consulting me1 put me forward as a candidate for the vacant seat1 and announced my lectures as a statement of my political views1 urging the people to come and hear me1 and judge for themselves1 whether ,i was not the fittest man to represent them in the ,national ,legislature4 ,i gave my first lecture on a ,friday night1 to a crowded and excited audience in the ,town ,hall1 and when ,i had done1 the people passed a resolution by acclamation1 to the effect that ,i was just the man for them1 and that they would have no other4 ,on the ,saturday ,i went on into ,wales1 to fulfil an engagement which ,i had for the ,sunday1 and returned on ,monday to give my second lecture4 ,when ,i got near to ,bolton1 some friends met me1 and told me that the police from ,manchester were in the town looking for me1 and that ,i had better go right home4 ,i said1 ,nay1 ,i never broke an engagement yet1 and ,i won't do so now2 so ,i went on4 ,as soon as ,i had rested myself a little ,i went direct to the head of the ,manchester police1 and asked him if he would not allow me to deliver my lecture1 promising1 if he wished it1 to go with him quietly afterwards4 ,he said1 ,no1 ,i could not be allowed to deliver my lecture1 and added1 that ,i must consider myself his prisoner4 ,i1 of course1 offered no resistance1 but at his request went with him at once to the railway station4 ,the people had already collected in the streets as ,i passed along1 and there was soon an excited crowd at the station1 but ,i and my friends urged them to be peaceful1 and peaceful they were4 ,we were soon at ,manchester1 and ,i was taken at once to the ,city ,jail1 where lodgings had been procured for me at the public expense4 ,i passed the night in an underground cell1 of the kind provided for criminals of the baser sort4 ,it was anything but clean and sweet1 and the conduct of the authorities in placing me in such a hole1 when ,i was not even charged with any gross offence1 was neither wise nor just4 ,there were some raised boards on one side1 but no bed1 no sheets1 no blankets4 ,it was not long before a number of friends who had heard of my arrest1 called to see me1 and were admitted to my dungeon4 ,they brought some food1 some candles1 and as they had been informed that ,i had not been permitted to wash myself before being locked up1 one of them1 a lady1 brought me a moistened towel with which to wipe my face4 ,while these kind friends were trying to make things comfortable for me in my prison1 others were running to and fro in search of bail1 with a view to my speedy release4 ,one dear1 good soul1 ,mr4 ,travers ,madge1 when he heard that ,i was in jail1 started at once for ,mossley1 a distance of ten or eleven miles1 to see ,mr4 ,robinson1 a faithful friend1 to request him to come to my help4 ,it was two o'clock in the morning when1 weary and full of anxiety1 he knocked at ,mr4 ,robinson's door4 ,mr4 ,robinson rose as soon as he heard his voice1 and took him into the house1 and requested him to take something to eat1 and go to rest till daylight1 promising to start with him back to ,manchester by the earliest conveyance4 ,but poor ,mr4 ,madge could neither eat nor sleep till his friend was out of prison4 ,early in the morning ,i was brought into court4 ,bail was offered at once1 but the magistrates would not accept bail so early1 though offered by well-known and thoroughly respectable parties4 ,the reason was1 the election was to take place at ,bolton that day1 and the magistrates were afraid that if ,i were allowed to be present1 there might be more excitement than would be consistent with the peace and safety of the ,borough4 ,so they kept me in prison till four o'clock1 when they received intelligence that the election was over1 and that all was peaceful4 ,they then set me at liberty4 ,i went at once to ,bolton1 and found1 sure enough1 that ,i had been elected1 and that by an immense majority1 of more than eight to one4 ,and as no one else was elected at that time1 either by show of hands or a poll1 ,i was1 in truth1 the only legal representative1 though ,i never sat in ,parliament4 ,explanations after4 ,i was soon surrounded by a vast multitude of people1 to whom ,i gave a short address4 ,as soon as ,i could get away from the excited crowd1 ,i hastened home4 ,a friend had started for ,wortley as soon as ,i was out of prison1 to inform my wife and children that ,i was safe and at liberty1 and he was there when ,i arrived4 ,it fortunately happened that my family heard of my imprisonment and of my liberation at the same time1 and from the same lips1 so that the shock they received was not so severe as it might have been4 ,but they were terribly tried4 ,it would be vain to attempt to describe their feelings when they saw me enter the house4 ,i did my best to comfort them1 and assured them that ,i should take no hurt4 ,i was bound over to appear to take my trial at the ,winter ,assizes on a charge of sedition and conspiracy1 and ,i set to work to prepare for the event4 ,a good kind friend residing at ,barnard ,castle1 ,george ,brown1 ,esq41 who had helped me in my contests with my theological opponents1 helped me in this new trial4 ,he had studied the law all his life1 and was a most faithful and trustworthy adviser4 ,he directed me what steps to take1 and all his instructions proved wise and good4 ,my friends set on foot a subscription1 to procure for me the ablest defence1 and raised1 in the course of a few weeks1 from two to three hundred pounds4 ,i am amazed when ,i look back to those days1 at the number and ardor of my friends1 and at the eagerness with which they hastened to my aid4 ,some friends from ,holbeck1 in the ,borough of ,leeds1 requested me to allow myself to be put forward as a candidate for the ,town ,council at the approaching election4 ,not thinking that ,i should have any chance of being elected1 ,i hesitated2 but as they expressed a contrary opinion1 and seemed exceedingly anxious that ,i should place myself in their hands1 ,i complied with their request4 ,they elected me by the largest number of votes that had ever been given for a town councillor in any borough in the kingdom up to that time4 ,my neighbors chose this method of testifying their regard for me1 and of protesting against the conduct of the ,government in interfering with my liberty4 ,at length the ,assizes came4 ,i made my appearance in court at the time appointed1 with more than thirty voluntary witnesses by my side1 all prepared to testify1 that in my lectures and public speeches ,i had uniformly advocated peaceful measures1 and denounced everything in the shape of conspiracy1 violence1 or insurrection4 ,i waited ten days for my trial1 attending in court all the time4 ,i watched the trials of other political prisoners1 and was not a little discouraged to find that they were all convicted1 and sentenced1 generally1 to lengthy terms of imprisonment4 ,the charge against one of the prisoners was1 that he had sold and circulated seditious publications4 ,copies of the works which he was charged with circulating were brought into court4 ,what were my feelings when ,i found that the publications were my own ,companion to the ,almanacs1 and my weekly periodical ,the ,people4 ,these works were handed about the court1 and placed in the hands of the judge4 ,the man was convicted1 and sentenced to two years' imprisonment4 ,what chance was there now for me8 ,my solicitor advised me to plead guilty1 telling me ,i should thus get off with a lighter punishment2 but ,i refused4 ,some did plead guilty1 and did get off with lighter punishments than those who stood their trial2 but ,i was determined to have a public trial1 or else be honorably discharged4 ,it was alarming enough to see a man convicted for selling my publications3 but something still more alarming happened the following day4 ,a most unprincipled and lying witness was brought forward by the ,attorney-,general4 ,during the trial of one of the ,chartist leaders he swore that he had himself formed one of a band of conspirators in ,manchester1 who pledged themselves to burn the city1 and who had prepared the most destructive combustibles to secure the success of their horrible plot4 ,when asked to name the parties composing the meeting at which he said he had been present1 he named me as one4 ,i was horrified4 ,i had never seen the man before in all my life1 and the idea that ,i should be a party to such a plot as he had described1 was monstrous2 but what was to hinder a prejudiced or a frightened jury from believing his testimony8 ,fortunately for me1 the ,judge asked him if he saw in court1 and could point out1 any of the persons he had named as parties to the conspiracy4 ,i stood within two or three yards of him1 and looked him full in the face4 ,it was plain from the way in which his wandering eyes passed by me1 that whatever other parties he might know1 he did not know me4 ,at length he pointed out a person that he said was present at the secret meeting4 ',what is his name8' said the ,judge4 ,the fellow gave a name4 ,it was not the right one4 ,he pointed out another4 ',what is his name8' said the ,judge again4 ,the fellow gave a name4 ,he was wrong again4 ,the court got out of patience with the villain1 and the ,judge ordered him into custody to await his trial on a charge of perjury4 ,this was an unspeakable relief both to me and to my anxious wife and friends1 who had witnessed the dreadful affair with the most intense anxiety and alarm4 ,some time after this horrible exhibition of baseness1 my solicitor came to me and told me that he had had an interview with the ,attorney-,general1 and that he had authorized him to say1 that if ,i would enter into bonds and give securities to keep the peace1 he would not ask me to plead guilty1 but set me at liberty without more to do4 ,he even offered1 at last1 to accept my own recognizances to the small amount of fifty pounds1 without any other security4 ,i refused the offer4 ,to give bonds to keep the peace seemed like an acknowledgment that ,i had attempted or threatened to break it2 and ,i had done no such thing4 ,my solicitor said the offer was a very generous one1 and pressed me very earnestly to accept it3 my counsel did the same2 but without effect4 ,a number of friends came round me and tried to remove my objections to the measure3 but all was vain4 ,i was sorry to go against their advice1 but my feeling was1 that to agree to the compromise proposed would be a sacrifice of principle1 and would entail dishonor on me1 and be followed by self-reproach and shame4 ,at last1 to obtain a little respite1 and to get out of the way of my importunate friends for a time1 ,i told my solicitor that ,i would lay the matter before my wife1 and that whatever she might advise1 ,i would do4 ,he agreed to this4 ,he was satisfied that there was not a woman in the country that would not advise her husband to make a concession like that required of me1 rather than see him run the risk of two or three years' imprisonment4 ,my wife was at ,southport just then1 some eighteen miles away1 and it was too late for me to get to her that evening1 so ,i had to spend the night alone in ,liverpool4 ,i went to bed1 but found it impossible to sleep4 ,my anxious mind kept turning over and over the proposal of the ,attorney-,general1 and trying to find some good reason for accepting it2 but all in vain4 ,i had promised to be guided by my wife2 but suppose she should counsel me to give the required security1 could ,i do so and be happy8 ,it seemed impossible4 ,it struck twelve1--it struck one--two--three1 and ,i was still unsettled4 ,at last ,i said1 ',i will explain my misgivings to my wife1--,i will tell her that ,i feel as if ,i should never be happy to consent to the compromise1--that ,i cannot get rid of the feeling that it would be dishonorable4 ,and ,i know she will never advise me to do anything that ,i regard as dishonorable4' ,as soon as ,i had fairly decided what to do1 ,i fell asleep4 ,i was at ,southport in the morning by the earliest conveyance1 and laid the matter before my wife4 ',do nothing1' said she1 'that you regard as a sacrifice of principle1 or an act of dishonor4 ,whatever you believe to be your duty1 do it2 ,i am willing to take the consequences4' ,i answered1 ',i believe it my duty to insist on a trial1 or on an honorable discharge1' ',then insist on it1' said she4 ,that was enough4 ,i returned to ,liverpool at once1 and told my solicitor the result of my interview with my wife1 and he communicated the intelligence to the ,attorney-,general4 ,the ,attorney-,general was very much vexed1 and1 using an expression which we cannot with propriety repeat1 declared that he would 'make me squeak4' ,the result of my refusal was that the ,attorney-,general put off my case to the very last4 ,on the eleventh day of the ,assizes ,i was placed in the dock with a number of prisoners who had agreed to plead guilty1 and enter into bonds4 ,my name was called at length1 and ,i refused either to plead guilty1 or to be bound to keep the peace4 ',can there be any man so foolish as not to accept the mercy of her ,majesty8' said the ,judge4 ,my answer was1 that ,i had committed no crime1 and that it was justice that ,i wanted1 and not mercy4 ',i demand a trial1' said ,i1 'or an honorable discharge4 ,i have been arrested on a charge of sedition and conspiracy1 and held up before the world as a criminal1 and ,i claim the right of justifying myself before the public1 unless ,i am honorably discharged4' ,the ,judge said ,i had no need to concern myself about the public1--that the public did not concern itself about me4 ,i answered that the public did concern itself about me2 and that ,i was right in concerning myself about the public4 ,at this point my ,counsel rose1 and spoke of my character and position1 with a view to justify my demand for a trial1 or an honorable discharge4 ,the ,attorney-,general then applied for a postponement of my trial to the following ,assizes1 alleging that ,i was the author of a seditious and blasphemous publication4 ,i said the statement was false1 and that the ,attorney-,general had no right to make such a charge against me1 and added that to ask a postponement after ,i and my witnesses had been waiting there eleven days1 was most unreasonable4 ,the ,judge then asked on what grounds a postponement was desired4 ,when the ,attorney-,general stated his grounds1 the ,judge pronounced them insufficient4 ,the ,attorney-,general then said he should enter a nolle prosequi4 ,some of my friends1 when they heard this1 were greatly alarmed4 ,they supposed it to be a threat of something very terrible1 and expected to see me carried away at once to prison4 ,and some of the bystanders began to reproach me1 and say ,i was rightly served for not accepting the generous offer of the ,attorney-,general4 ,i1 of course1 knew that the ,attorney-,general's nolle prosequi meant that he would have nothing more to do with me1 and that ,i was now free4 ,while therefore my friends were fearing and trembling1 ,i stood calm and comfortable4 ,after a few moments the ,judge said ',you are at liberty1 and may retire4' ,when my friends found that ,i was free1 they were wild with delight1 and flocked round me1 eager to shake me by the hand1 and give me their congratulations4 ,they were now satisfied that in rejecting the proposal of the ,attorney-,general1 ,i had done no more than my duty4 ,one gentleman1 who had been bail for me1 was extravagant enough to declare that ,i occupied the proudest position of any man in the country4 ',you have withstood the tyranny of the ,government1' said he1 'and have triumphed4' ,i hurried home as fast as ,i could with my happy wife and my exulting friends4 ,when we got there the cannon were roaring and the bands playing4 ,my workmen and neighbors had heard of my triumph1 and were celebrating it in the noisiest way they could4 ,then followed feasting and public congratulations1 both at home and in distant parts of the country1 and for a time ,i was quite a hero4 ,the interference of the authorities with my liberty1 and the needless annoyances to which they had subjected me1 had roused my indignation to a high pitch1 and after my liberation1 ,i wrote and spoke more violently against the ,government than ,i had done before4 ,at length the great excitement in which ,i had so long lived1 and the excessive labors in which ,i had been so long engaged1 exhausted my strength2 my health began to fail2 ,i thought my constitution was giving way1 so ,i resolved on some change of position and occupation4 ,i had long suffered from dyspepsia4 ,for twenty years ,i had spent so much nervous energy in mental work1 that ,i had not sufficient left to digest my food4 ,and ,i had suffered in consequence1 not only from violent heart-burn1 but from a more distressing pain at the pit of my stomach4 ,i had continually1 or almost continually1 for months together1 a feeling as if a red-hot bullet lay burning in my stomach1 or as if some living creature was eating a hole through the bottom of it4 ,i took medicine1 but it gave me no relief4 ,the disuse of intoxicating drinks had once cured me for a time1--cured me for some years in fact1--but the torturing1 depressing sensation came again at last1 and seemed more obstinate than ever4 ,in #ahdg1 as ,i was leaving home one day in the train1 ,i was seized with a pain of a much more dreadful description4 ,it seemed as if it would burst my stomach1 or tear it in pieces1 and destroy my life at once4 ,it continued for nearly an hour4 ,it returned repeatedly1 and remained sometimes for several hours4 ,in some cases it tortured me all night4 ,vomiting took it away1 so ,i frequently took warm water to produce vomiting4 ,i was advised to take more exercise in the open air1 so ,i bought a gun and went out shooting4 ,i purchased a horse and carriage too1 and went out riding4 ,these did me good4 ,but ,i found that when ,i took certain kinds of food1 such as rich cakes1 rich pies1 or rich puddings1 the pain returned4 ,so ,i began to deny myself of those luxuries4 ,but even spare living seemed to lose its effect after a time1 and first the gnawing1 and then the stretching1 tearing1 rending pain returned4 ,in #ahdi1 ,i took a voyage to ,america4 ,vast numbers of my readers wanted to emigrate to ,america1 and they looked to me for information respecting the country4 ,i had given them the best ,i could get1 but they wanted more and better4 ,they wanted me to visit the country1 and give them the result of my observations and inquiries4 ,i did so4 ,to fit myself the better for giving them counsel1 ,i crossed the ocean in a common emigrant sailing vessel1 and saw how the poor creatures fared4 ,we were nearly eight weeks on the water4 ,for much of the time the winds were idle4 ,they refused to blow4 ,they might have struck for shorter hours or better pay4 ,when they did blow1 they blew with all their might1 but almost always in the wrong direction2 as if they regarded us as their enemies1 and were bent on giving us all the annoyance they could4 ,many were sick2 more were discontented2 and all longed wearily for land4 ,these eight weeks were the longest ones ,i ever lived4 ,they looked like years4 ,at length we got a sight of land1 and rejoiced exceedingly4 ,for myself1 ,i had other feelings as well as joy1 when ,i first got sight of the great ,new ,world of which ,i had heard1 and read1 and thought so much1 and so long1 and of which ,i had dreamt so often4 ,for ,america had lived in my thoughts from my early days2 and the first faint glimpse of her wooded shores thrilled my whole soul with unspeakable emotions4 ,we landed4 ,i examined the emigrant boarding houses4 ,i sought information about work and wages1 and about means of transport to the ,west4 ,i called on ,horace ,greeley and others1 to whom ,i had letters of recommendation1 who helped me to books about the ,west4 ,i made my way through ,new ,york1 and across ,lake ,erie to ,cleveland4 ,i had three brothers who were settled in different parts of ,ohio1 and a number of old friends4 ,i visited them4 ,i explored ,ohio4 ,i went into ,western ,virginia1 and examined some lands there that had been advertised for sale in ,england4 ,i passed on to ,michigan1 ,indiana1 ,illinois1 and ,wisconsin4 ,i spent some days in ,chicago4 ,the city was awfully dull4 ,the people were despondent4 ,i almost think ,i could have bought the whole city for fifty thousand pounds4 ,i had a farm offered me for seven dollars and a half an acre1 on which now a great part of the city ,i suppose is built4 ,i went to ,milwaukie4 ,there the people seemed more hopeful2 though several were leaving for warmer climes4 ,it was autumn1 and ,i treated myself freely to the peaches and other rich fruits of the country4 ,about the end of ,october ,i started for ,england1 in one of the ,cunard ,steamers1 crossing the ocean in nine days1 about one-sixth of the time ,i spent in the voyage out4 ,i gave to my readers an account of all ,i had seen1 and heard1 and read1 and thousands of them left the land of their birth in search of homes in the domains of the ,great ,republic4 ,some got home-sick1 and cursed me4 ,some got profitable work1 or promising farms1 and blessed me4 ,and ,i learned two lessons2 first1 that a man must not look to men for the reward of his beneficent services1 but to ,god and a good conscience2 and1 second1 that some will be miserable1 and that some will be happy1 go where they may3--that it is not the land they live in1 but the dispositions they cherish1 and the life they live1 that makes their heaven or hell4 ,i had already made up my mind to settle in ,america myself1 and early in #ahea ,i disposed of my business1 and prepared to transport myself and my family to ,central ,ohio4 ,i had suffered so long from pain1 and weakness1 and depression1 and ,i was so utterly wearied with continual over-work1 and so disgusted too with the government and institutions of the country1 and with some of its inhabitants1 that ,i felt it an infinite relief to be freed from all further care and concern about business1 and in the first rush of my new wild joy1 ,i took my gun and blew off part of the top of the chimney of my printing establishment4 ,no child could be wilder in his delight1 when escaping from long confinement in a weary school1 and starting for the longed-for society and pleasures of his home4 ,but preparing for a journey of four thousand miles1 with wife and children1 was itself work enough for a time4 ,there were a hundred things to be bought1 which you would need in your new and far off home4 ,and there were a thousand things which you already had1 to be packed1 and as many more to be set aside1 to be destroyed1 or sold1 or given away4 ,and there were a thousand letters and papers to be examined1 and a judgment formed1 as to which should be preserved1 and which should perish in the flames4 ,and there were visits to be paid and repaid1 and there were partings1 and regrets1 and tears4 ,but all was over at length1 and we were on our way to the world beyond the flood4 ,it was pleasant to get away from one's religious and political opponents1 but painful to part with so many devoted friends1 who had proved their affection for me and for my family by so many sacrifices1 and their steadfastness in times of so much trial4 ,but ,i had hopes of keeping up my intercourse with them through the ,press1 and of ministering to their gratification and improvement by sending them accounts of all ,i saw or learnt of an interesting character in the land to which ,i was going4 ,i had also hopes that a quiet home1 in a retired and peaceful part of a new country1 might prove conducive to my own improvement and happiness4 ,one of the objects ,i had in view in going to ,america was to obtain a little quiet for calm reflection on the course ,i had so long been pursuing1 and a sober consideration of the position which ,i had reached4 ,i was not satisfied that the changes which had taken place in my views and way of life1 since my separation from the ,church and the ministry1 had all been changes for the better4 ,i had had suspicions for some time1 that amidst the whirl of perpetual excitement in which ,i had lived1 and the continual succession of angry contests in which ,i had been engaged1 ,i had probably missed my way on some points1 and ,i wished for a favorable opportunity of ascertaining whether these suspicions were well grounded or not4 ,but when ,i got to ,america ,i found myself in a condition less friendly to calm reflection and to a just and impartial review of my past history1 than the one from which ,i had fled4 ,the very day we landed in ,new ,york we fell in with the ,hutchinson family4 ,i had become acquainted with them in ,england1 and had spent some time in their company1 and had attended some of their concerts at ,leeds4 ,they were to sing that night in ,new ,york1 and we attended the performance1 and were delighted with their sweet wild music1 and with their wisdom and their wit4 ,they were all reformers of the radical school1 and though their songs and conversation were not immoral or profane1 they were advanced beyond the bounds of religion1 into the neutral ground of ,latitudinarianism4 ,when we got to ,akron1 ,ohio1 we found a ,woman's ,rights ,convention in session2 and there we got introduced to a number of advanced spirits1 both male and female1 and in their society became acquainted with quite a multitude of strange and lawless speculations1 of which1 till then1 we had lived in happy or in woful ignorance4 ,we reached at length the region where we were to make our home1 and now other matters engrossed my mind4 ,i had1 in the first place1 a farm to select1 and then the purchase to make4 ,i had then my goods to look after1 my house to arrange1 and my food to provide4 ,then work wanted doing on the farm--a hundred kinds of work1 all new1 and many of them hard and very perplexing4 ,we wanted men to aid us2 and men were not to be got2 or1 when got1 were difficult to manage1 and hard to please4 ,and horses1 and cows1 and sheep1 were wanted2 and poultry1 and pigs2 and ploughs1 and harrows1 and wagons1 and harness4 ,and stoves and fuel were required4 ,and the house had to be enlarged1 and the barns rebuilt1 and the gardens cultivated1 and the orchard replanted4 ,and a hundred lessons on farming had to be learnt1 and a hundred more to be unlearnt4 ,and we were always making mistakes1 and sustaining losses4 ,and our neighbors were not all that we could wish2 and we were not all that they could wish4 ,it was impossible to avoid impositions1 and difficult to take injustice quietly2 so we remonstrated1 and resisted1 and made things worse4 ,before we had got ourselves fairly settled we began to be visited by a number of friends4 ,and many of those friends were wilder and more extravagant1 in their views on religion and politics1 than myself2 and instead of helping me to quiet reflection1 did much to render such a thing impossible4 ,they were mostly ,garrisonian ,abolitionists1 with whom ,i had become acquainted while in ,england1 or through the medium of anti-slavery publications4 ,many of them had had an experience a good deal like my own4 ,they had been members and ministers of churches1 and had got into trouble in consequence of their reforming tendencies1 and had at length been cast out1 or obliged to withdraw4 ,they had waged a long and bitter war against the churches and ministers of their land1 and had become skeptics and unbelievers of a somewhat extravagant kind4 ,henry ,c4 ,wright was an ,atheist4 ,so were some others of the party4 ,my own descent to skepticism was attributable in some measure to my intercourse with them1 and to a perusal of their works1 while in ,england4 ,the first deadly blow was struck at my belief in the supernatural inspiration of the ,scriptures by ,henry ,c4 ,wright4 ,it was in conversation with him too that my belief in the necessity of church organization was undermined1 and that the way was smoothed to that state of utter lawlessness which so naturally tends to infidelity and all ungodliness4 ,my respect for the talents of the abolitionists1 and the interest ,i felt in the cause to which they had devoted their lives1 and the sympathy arising from the similar way in which we had all been treated by the churches and priesthoods with which we had come in contact1 disposed me1 first1 to regard their skeptical views with favor1 and then to accept them as true4 ,and now they welcomed me to their native land1 and embraced the earliest opportunity of visiting me in my new home4 ,and all that passed between us tended to confirm us in our common unbelief4 ,i afterwards found that in some of the abolitionists1 in nearly all1 ,i fear1 anti-christian views had led to immoral habits1 which rendered their antipathy to ,christianity all the more bitter4 ,in almost all of them infidelity had produced a lawlessness of speculation on moral matters1 which could hardly fail to produce in the end1 if it had not already produced1 great licentiousness of life4 ,i had no sooner got things comfortably fixed at home1 than ,i received an invitation from the ,american ,anti-slavery ,society1 to attend their ,annual ,meeting1 which was to be held in ,rochester1 ,new ,york4 ,i went1 and there ,i met with ,s4 ,s4 ,foster1 ,abby ,kelly ,foster1 ,parker ,pillsbury1 ,c4 ,l4 ,remond1 ,henry ,c4 ,wright1 ,wendell ,phillips1 ,w4 ,l4 ,garrison1 ,lucy ,stone1 ,lucretia and ,lydia ,mott1 and a number of other leading ,abolitionists4 ,here too ,i met with ,frederick ,douglas1 the celebrated fugitive slave1 who had settled in ,rochester1 and was publishing his paper there4 ,some of the ,anti-,slavery ,leaders ,i had seen before in ,england1 and had had the pleasure of having them as my guests1 and of enjoying their conversation4 ,henry ,c4 ,wright1 ,w4 ,l4 ,garrison1 ,frederick ,douglas1 and ,c4 ,l4 ,remond1 were old acquaintances4 ,the rest ,i knew only by report3 but ,i had read the story of their labors and sufferings in behalf of the negro slave1 and had longed for years to make their acquaintance4 ,they were1 in my estimation1 among the best and bravest of their race4 ,i had read of them a thousand times with the greatest interest1 and a thousand times ,i had wished for the honor of co-operating with them in their generous labors4 ,and now ,i was in their midst1 on ,american soil4 ,and all seemed glad to make my acquaintance1 and eager to testify their regard for me1 and to welcome me to a share in their benevolent labors4 ,i was soon at home with them all1 for they were a free and hearty people4 ,i attended both their public and their private meetings4 ,the anniversary lasted several days1 and the time was one continued ,festival4 ,there were people from almost every part of the country1 and the house of every ,anti-,slavery person in the city was placed at the service of the visitors4 ,they were as one family1 and had all things in common4 ,the public meetings were largely attended1 and the audiences seemed favorably impressed4 ,in the intervals ,i visited the ,falls on the ,genesee ,river4 ,more beautiful and enchanting scenes ,i never beheld4 ,in all but terrible grandeur they equal1 if they do not surpass1 the ,falls of ,niagara4 ,and there was an infinite abundance of strange and exciting conversation in many of the circles1 not only on ,slavery1 but on the ,bible and ,religion1 on the ,church and the ,priesthood1 and on ,woman's ,rights1 and the ,bloomer ,costume1 and ,marriage ,laws1 and ,free-love1 and ,education1 and ,solomon's ,rod1 and ,non-resistance1 and ,human ,government1 and ,communism1 and ,individualism1 and ,unitarianism1 and ,theodore ,parkerism1 and ,spiritualism1 and ,vegetarianism1 and ,teetotalism1 and ,deism1 and ,atheism1 and ,clairvoyance1 and ,andrew ,jackson ,davis1 and the ,american ,congress1 and ,quakerism1 and ,william ,henry ,channing1 and his journey to ,england1 and ,free-soil1 and the ,public ,lands1 and the ,common ,right to the ,soil1 and ,rent1 and ,interest1 and ,capital1 and ,labor1 and ,fourierism1 and ,congeniality of ,spirit1 and ,natural ,affinities1 and ,domestic ,difficulties1 and--the ,good time ,coming4 ,all were full of reform1 and most were wild and fanatical4 ,some regarded marriage as unnatural1 and pleaded for ,free-love as the law of life4 ,some were for ,communism1 but differed as to the form which it ought to assume4 ,one contended that all should be perfectly free1--that each should be a law unto himself1 and should work1 and rest1 and eat1 and drink1 as his own free spirit should prompt him4 ,another said that the principle had been tried1 and had failed1--that some were anxious to do all the eating1 and sleeping1 and loving1 and left others to do all the working4 ,joseph ,treat was there1 advocating ,atheism1 and defending the right of men and women1 married or single1 to give free play to native tendencies and sexual affinities4 ,but ,treat was indifferently clad1 and not well washed1 and he was evidently no great favorite4 99 99 99 ,most were in favor of non-resistance1 and full individual freedom4 ,to acknowledge the right of human government and of human laws1 was treason to humanity4 ,man is a law to himself4 ,he is his own governor4 ,the ,protestant principle of the right of private judgment and liberty of conscience strikes at the root of all the governments on earth4 ,each one's nature is his own sole law4 ,the one principle of duty is1 for every one to do that which is right in his own eyes4 ,the principle of the ,anti-,slavery ,society means that1 and neither more nor less4 ,and the ,anti-,slavery ,society will1 after emancipating the negro1 destroy all the governments1 remodel all the laws and institutions1 and emancipate all the nations of the earth4 ,of course the laws of marriage will fall to the ground4 ,why not8 ,they originated only with men1--with men who lived in darker times1 and who were less developed1 than we4 ,it would be strange if children could make laws fit to govern men4 ,and with the laws of marriage will go the laws of property in land4 ,land was common property at first1 and what right had any one to make it private8 ,the first man who appropriated land was a thief4 ,and those who inherited it from him were receivers of stolen goods4 ,and the title that was vicious at first could never be made valid by time4 ,the continuance of a wrong can never make it right4 ,allow that men have a right to the land in consequence of long possession and inheritance1 and you must allow that men may have a right to their slaves4 ,the right to land1 and the right to slaves1 are not so different as some would suppose4 ,what is man's right to his own body worth1 if he is deprived of his right to the land8 ,man lives from the land1 and unless he has a right to the land1 he can have no right to life4 ,a right to life implies a right to the land4 ,men live on the land as well as from it2 and if they have not a right to the land1 they can have no right to live4 ,and man has a right to perfect freedom4 ,life without freedom is slavery2 and slavery is the extinction of all rights1 the right to life included4 ,and woman has equal rights with man4 ,and children have equal rights with either4 ,the idea that human beings have no rights till they are twenty-one1 is monstrous4 ,what mighty change is it that takes place at the moment a person reaches the age of twenty-one1 that he should be a slave a moment before1 and a free man a moment after8 ,no change at all takes place4 ,the rights of a human being are the gift of ,nature1 and not the gift of the law4 ,who authorized men to make laws for one another8 ,in making men different from each other1 ,nature has made it impossible for one man to legislate wisely for another4 ,the majority have a right to rule themselves1 but they have no fight to rule the minority4 ,all rights are the rights of individuals1 and the rights of individuals composing a minority1 are the same as the rights of individuals composing a majority4 ,a man may elect a representative2 but he cannot be bound by a representative elected by others4 ,children should be educated1 not by force or authority1 but by attraction4 ,the assumption of authority over a child by a parent is usurpation2 the use of authority over a child is tyranny4 ,the individuality of a child is its life1 and life is sacred4 ,to destroy individuality is murder4 ,we have no right to take ,nature's place1 and make a human being something different from what she has formed him4 ,solomon's rod and ,paul's authority are alike immoral4 ,all should be governed by their attractions1 like the orbs of heaven1 and the constituents of the earth4 ,the law of ,nature is one1 both for living men and dead matter4 ,our sympathies and affinities are our only rulers4 ,they are ourselves1--our best selves1--and to allow either law or ruler to interfere with them1 is self-destruction4 ,we are no longer ourselves when we allow ourselves to be controlled by the will or power of another4 ,animals have equal rights with man4 ,the poet was right when he said1 ,take not away the life thou canst not give1 ,for all things have an equal right to live4 ,how can man have a right to take away the life of an animal8 ,the lower animals occupied the world before man1 and man1 a later comer1 could not abrogate the prior rights of his predecessors4 ,the use of animal food is unnatural4 ,it is unhealthy4 ,in feeding on other living creatures man degrades1 corrupts1 and then destroys himself4 ,and vegetables1 grains1 and fruits should be taken in their natural state4 ,the art of cooking is an unnatural innovation4 ,the first of our race did not cook4 ,man is the only cooking animal1 and he is the only sickly one4 ,he is the only one that loses his teeth1 or suffers from indigestion4 ,teetotalism is binding on all4 ,alcohol is an unnatural product4 ,man is the only being unnatural enough to drink it4 ,grapes are good1 and so is grain2 but wine1 and beer1 and spirits1 are a trinity of devils1 which destroy the bodies and torment the souls of unnatural men4 ,there is no ,god1 said one4 ,gods and devils are alike fantastic creatures of the erring mind of man4 ,but there must be a ,god1 said another4 ,all nature cries aloud there is a ,god4 ,our own hearts' instincts--our highest intuitions1--assure us there is4 ,as well deny the universe1 and the primal intuitions of humanity1 as the being of ,god4 ,a ,god and a future life are necessities of human nature4 ,and there is1 without us1 a supply for every want within us4 ,as soon will you find a race of beings with appetites for food1 for whom no food is provided1 as a race with longings for ,god and desires for immortality1 while no ,god and immortality exist to meet those longings1 to satisfy those desires4 ,but if there be a ,god to answer to our longings1 and a blessed immortality to satisfy our desires1 why not a devil to answer to our fears1 and a hell to answer to our guilty terrors8 ,and would a ,god leave us without a revelation of his will4 ,the instincts of our nature are the revelation of ,god's will4 ,to obey our instincts is to obey the law of ,god4 ,then is the law of ,god as various as men's natural tendencies8 ,does the murderer1 whose tendency is to kill1 obey the law of ,god1 as well as the victim who struggles to escape his doom8 ,and does the eagle obey the law of ,god in pouncing on the dove1 and the dove in seeking to evade its talons8 ,is every tendency the law of ,god8 ,if it be the will of ,god that the powerful tendencies of some should neutralize the feebler tendencies of others1 is not might1 right8 ,and if might be right1 why murmur at anything that is8 ,for everything that is1 exists by virtue of its might3 and every thing that perishes1 perishes in virtue of its weakness4 ,are you not sanctioning the doctrine of the ,optimist1 and saying with ,pope1 ,in spite of sense1 in erring reason's spite1 ,one truth is clear--whatever is1 is ,,right4 ,whatever is1 is right1 says another4 ,it is the result of eternal wisdom1 of almighty power1 and infinite love4 ,god is all perfect1 and ,he is all in all4 ,a perfect ,god could have nothing short of a perfect object in all ,his works1 a perfect motive prompting ,him1 a perfect rule to guide ,him2 and1 as the author of all existence1 a perfect material out of which to make the creatures of ,his love4 ,all is perfect4 ,it is men's own imperfection that makes them think otherwise4 ,all is perfect1 you say1 yet man is imperfect2 and his imperfection makes him think other things imperfect4 ,all is perfect1 yet something is imperfect2 and that something is the most perfect or the least imperfect creature in existence4 ,imperfection itself is a part of perfection1 says the ,optimist4 ,as discords are necessary to the highest musical compositions2 so imperfection is necessary to the highest perfection4 ,the most difficult point of all1 says a philosophical ,unitarian1 is that of necessity4 ,every thing must have a cause4 ,man's actions are the result of physical causes2 yet man is consciously free4 ,man is no more free than the planets1 says an ,atheist4 ,he acts freely1 as the planets do1--that is1 he acts in harmony with his tendencies1--in harmony with the causes of his actions1--the causes of his actions cause them by causing him to will them1 by inclining him to do them2 and the causes of planetary action produce that action in the same way3 but the freedom and the necessity are the same in the one case as in the other4 ,all is free1 and all is bound4 ,the chain is infinite1 eternal1 and almighty4 ,the difference between man and a planet is1 that man is conscious of his acts1 and the planet is not4 ,then duty is a dream1 said a third1 and conscience a delusion2 and responsibility a fiction2 and virtue and vice are alike unworthy of either praise or blame1 reward or punishment4 ,a tree is not responsible1 said the ,necessitarian1 yet we cut it down1 if it bears no fruit2 and we cut off the natural branches1 and insert new scions1 if its fruit is not to our liking4 ,a musquito is irresponsible1 yet we kill it when it gives us pain4 ,a horse is irresponsible1 yet we caress it when it gives us pleasure4 ,so man is no more than a tree1 a musquito1 or a horse6 ,and selfishness is the measure of our duty6 ,we caress or kill as we are pleased or pained4 ,and so the conversation ran on in one party4 ,in another the ,bible is the subject of conversation4 ,but here all are agreed on the principal point4 ,no one regards it as of supernatural origin1 or of ,divine authority4 ,the question is1 whether the ,anti-,slavery ,society shall acknowledge that the clergy are right in saying that the ,bible sanctions ,slavery4 ,that it does sanction ,slavery is certain1 says one4 ,abraham was a slave-holder1 a slave-trader1 and a slave-breeder4 ,isaac inherited his slave property4 ,jacob had slaves1 and had offspring by two of them4 ,moses allows the ,jews to buy up the nations round about them1 and to hold them as slaves1 as a possession1 and to transmit them as an inheritance to their children for ever4 ,the ,decalogue recognizes slaves as property4 ,jesus never condemns slave-holding1 and ,paul returns a fugitive1 to his master4 ,take the clergy at their word4 ,acknowledge that their sacred book does sanction ,slavery4 ,acknowledge that it allows a master to flog his slave to death1 on the ground that the slave is his money4 ,acknowledge too that it allows the slave-holder to make his female slaves his concubines4 ,acknowledge every thing4 ,take the preachers' side in the matter1 and you will shock the preachers1 and you will shock the public1 and cause them to give up the defence of ,slavery4 ,the slave-holders are not governed by the ,bible1 says another4 ,their appeal to it is only a pretence1--an argumentum ad hominem4 ,they favor ,slavery because it is profitable1 and because they like it4 ,make it unprofitable1 and they will soon find a different interpretation for the ,bible4 ,show that the ,bible is no authority1--that it is merely a human book1--and you take away their argument for ,slavery1 said one4 ,their argument is force1 said another1 and you will never abolish ,slavery till you take up arms and crush the tyrants4 ,but the ,bible is the question1 says a third4 ,call a ,convention to discuss the ,bible1 said ,i1 and the ,convention was accordingly called4 ,and thus the conversation ran in private circles1 during the intervals of the public meetings4 ,i had supposed1 that as the people of ,america had got a ,democratic form of government1 no further reforms were necessary1 except the ,abolition of ,slavery4 ,i now found however that there were more ,reformers1 and a greater variety of ,reformers1 in the circle into which ,i had fallen1 than in ,england4 ,there was nothing right1--nothing as it ought to be4 ,the family1 the church1 the school1 the government1 religion1 morals1 and even nature were all wrong4 ,the world was full of prejudice4 ,we were heirs of all the mistakes of our forefathers for a thousand generations4 ,every thing wants destroying1 said one1 that every thing may be created anew4 ,the oracle of the universe cries1 ,behold1 ,i make all things new2 and that oracle we ought to echo2 and on that oracle we ought to act4 ',when ,i was a child1 ,i thought as a child1 ,i spoke as a child1 ,i understood as a child2 but when ,i became a man1 ,i put away childish things4' ,such was the language of the great ,reformer of antiquity4 ,the human race should adopt the same language1 and follow the great example4 ,the race should say1 ',when ,i was a child1 ,i thought as a child1 ,i spoke as a child1 ,i understood as a child2 but now1 having become a man1 ,i will put away childish things4' ,i will put away my childish thoughts on religion1 on science1 on morals1 on government1 on education1 on marriage1 on slavery1 on war1 on every thing4 ,the fact that they are old1 is a proof they are wrong4 ,the clothes which fit a child cannot fit a man4 ,the notions1 the institutions1 the laws1 which were good for the world's infancy1 cannot be good for its manhood4 ,and they shall be put away1 so far as ,i am concerned1 said a lady4 ,and they shall be put away1 so far as ,i am concerned1 answered another4 ,ye are born again1 says a third4 ,that noble declaration proves you new creatures4 ,old things are passed away2 behold1 all things are become new4 ,a thousand wild sentiments were uttered2 a thousand extravagant things were said2 and many unwise things were done4 ,it was plain that a license of thought was preparing the way1 had already prepared the way1 for a license of deed4 ,this license produced a fearful amount of mischief before long4 ,it had produced no little then4 ,many a domestic schism1--many a disgraceful alliance1--many a broken heart1--were the result of those lawless1 wanton speculations4 ,and some came to see their folly and repented in part4 ,lucy ,stone declared she would never marry according to law2 but she married according to law in the end1 contenting herself with recording a vain and foolish protest4 ,harriet ,k4 ,hunt would never pay any more taxes till she was allowed to vote1 and was eligible to the ,presidency of the ,united ,states4 ,whether she has paid her tax or not we do not know2 but she has not yet got a vote1 and is certainly not yet the ,president of the ,united ,states4 ,mrs4 ,c4 ,l4 made a declaration1 the publication of which covered her hard-working and excellent husband with shame2 but she too has since seen her error1 and endeavored to make all things right4 ,it was rather amusing1 but somewhat startling1--it was very bewildering1 yet very instructive1--to listen to all the projects and theories of a multitude of thoughtful people1 suddenly emancipated from religion and moral obligation1 and from law and custom1 and to speculate on what might be the result of so much extravagance4 ,it put humanity before one in a new light4 ,it was a new revelation4 ,and all those people were educated up to the ,american standard4 ,and they were all in tolerable circumstances4 ,some were rich1 and most were owners of the lands on which they lived4 ,several of them had been ministers of the ,gospel4 ,many of them were authors4 ,and their appearance and manners were often equal to those of the best4 ,and some of them could hardly be excelled as public speakers4 ,some of the lady speakers were the best ,i ever heard4 ,after mingling in such society1 and witnessing such a strange breaking up of the fountains of the great deep of thought1 and fancy1 and animal passion1 it is hard to say what might not take place in the world1 if the spirit of infidel reform which is pervading the nations should become general4 ,i returned to my home neither a better nor a wiser man4 ,but ,i was full of thought4 ,i had been afraid that in the excitement of controversy1 and under the smart of persecution1 ,i had gone too far4 ,but here were people who had gone immeasurably farther4 ,i was afraid ,i had been too rash4 ,but here were pleasant looking and educated people1 compared with whom ,i was the perfection of sobriety4 ,and the sense of my comparative moderation quieted my fears1 prevented salutary investigation1 and prepared me to go still farther in the way of doubt4 ,new books were placed in my hands1 all favorable to anti-christian views4 ,i got new friends and acquaintances1 and all were of the doubting1 unbelieving class4 ,several of them were atheists1 and insinuated doubts with regard to the foundation of all religious belief4 ,till my settlement in ,america ,i had continued to believe1 not only in ,god1 and providence1 and prayer1 but in immortality2 and to look on ,atheism as the extreme of folly4 ,but now my faith in those doctrines began to be shaken4 ,instead of drawing back from the gulf of utter unbelief1 and retracing my steps toward ,christ as ,i had partly hoped1 ,i got farther astray2 and though ,i did not plunge headlong into ,atheism1 ,i came near to the dreadful abyss1 and was not a little bewildered with the horrible mists that floated round its brink4 ,thus my hopes of calm and quiet thought1 and of a sober reconsideration of the steps ,i had taken in the path of doubt and unbelief1 were all1 alas6 exploded1 and the last state of my soul was worse than the first4 ,to make things worse1 ,i got into trouble with my ,christian neighbors4 ,my alienation from ,christ had already produced in me a deterioration of character4 ,i was not exactly aware of it at the time1 and if ,i had been told of it1 ,i might not have been able to believe it2 but such was really the case4 ,the matter is clear to me now past doubt4 ,i had become less courteous1 less conciliatory1 less agreeable4 ,i had discarded1 to some extent1 the ,christian doctrines of meekness and humility4 ,my temper had suffered4 ,i was sooner provoked1 and was less forgiving1 ,i was more prompt in asserting my rights1 and more prone perhaps to regard as rights what were no such things4 ,and ,i made myself enemies in consequence1 and got into unhappy disputes and painful excitements4 ,i imagined1 ,i suppose1 while in ,england1 that the disturbers of my peace were all outside me1 and that when ,i went to ,america ,i should leave them all behind2 but ,i see now that many of them were within me1 and that ,i carried them with me over the sea1 to my far-off ,western home4 ,and they gave me as much trouble in my new abode as they had given me in my old one4 ,it is the state of our minds that determines the measure of our bliss4 ,as ,burns says1 ,if happiness have not her seat ,and centre in the breast1 ,we may be wise1 or rich1 or great1 ,but never can be blest4 ,no treasures1 nor pleasures4 ,can make us happy long2 ,the heart ay's the part ay ,that makes us right or wrong4 ,and my heart was out of tune1 and tended to put everything around me out of tune4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,my ,,descent ,,from ,,the ,,faith ,,of ,,my ,,childhood1 ,,to ,,doubt ,,and ,,unbelief4 ,my parents were ,methodists of the strictest kind1 and they did their utmost to make their children ,methodists4 ,and they were very successful4 ,they had eleven children1 ten of which became members of the ,methodist ,society before they were twenty years of age2 and even the odd one did not escape the influence of religion altogether4 ,i was a believer in ,god and ,christ1 in duty and immortality1 from my earliest days4 ,and my faith was strong4 ,things spiritual were as real to me as things natural4 ,things seen and things unseen1 things temporal and things eternal1 formed one great whole1--one solemn and boundless universe4 ,i lived and breathed in a spiritual world4 ,my parents were rigorously consistent4 ,they were true ,christians4 ,they not only talked1 but looked and lived as persons who felt themselves in the presence of a great and holy ,god1 and in the face of an awful eternity2 and the influence of their godly life1 and daily prayers1 and solemn counsels fell on me with a power that was irresistible4 ,if the doctrine taught me in my early days had been the doctrine of ,christ1 and the doctrine of ,christ alone1 in a form adapted to my youthful mind1 the probability is1 that ,i should have grown up to manhood1 and passed through life a happy1 useful and consistent ,christian4 ,but ,i was taught other doctrines4 ,though my father and mother taught me little but what was ,christian1 doctrines were taught me by others that shocked both my reason and my sense of right4 ,i was taught1 among other things1 that in consequence of the sin of ,adam1 ,god had caused me to come into the world utterly depraved1 and incapable1 till ,i was made over again1 of thinking one good thought1 of speaking one good word1 or of doing one good deed4 ,i felt that ,i did think good thoughts1 and that ,i had good feelings1 and that ,i both said and did good things4 ,but this ,i was told was a great delusion3--that nothing was good1 and that nothing was pleasing to ,god1 unless it came from faith in ,christ4 ,but ,i had faith in ,christ4 ,i believed in ,him with all my heart4 ,i had believed in ,him from the first4 ,the answer was that ,i had believed with a common kind of faith1 but that it was another kind of faith that was necessary to salvation1 and that whatsoever did not spring from this other kind of faith1 was sin4 ,and ,i was given to understand1 that if ,i thought otherwise1 it was because of the naughtiness of my heart1 which1 ,i was told1 was deceitful above all things1 and desperately wicked4 ,what this other kind of faith was1 ,i did not know1 and could not learn4 ,i was then told that the natural man could not understand the things of the ,spirit1 and that before ,i could understand them1 ,i must experience a change from nature to grace2 all of which was past my comprehension4 ,i was then informed that ,i must wait till ,god revealed those things unto me by ,his ,spirit4 ,but this made the matter no plainer4 ,i was further taught1 that ,i was1 in some way1 answerable for ,adam's sin1--that ,god made ,adam the federal head of all mankind1 and that all were bound by what he did2--that if he had done right1 all would have come into the world pure1 and good1 and happy1 and sure of eternal life2 but that through his sin1 we wore all born1 not only utterly depraved1 but guilty and liable to eternal damnation4 ,then followed strange things about satisfaction to offended justice1 trust in ,christ's merits and righteousness1 justification1 regeneration1 and sanctification1 all mysteries as dark to me as night4 ,sometime after1 ,i found in my ,catechism the doctrine of ,god's absolute and infinite fore-knowledge1--the doctrine that from eternity ,god knew who should be saved and who should be lost4 ,this gave me the most terrible shock of all4 ,it was plain that my doom was fixed forever4 ,for if it was certainly foreknown1 it must he unchangeably fixed4 ,these dreadful doctrines filled me with horror4 ,they all but drove me mad4 ,for a time1 when ,i was about eight or nine years old1 they did drive me mad4 ,they were more than my nature could bear4 ,i felt that if things were as these doctrines represented them to be1 the ways of ,god were horribly unjust4 ,and as ,i could do no other than believe the doctrines1 my whole soul rose in rebellion against ,god4 ,i supposed1 as a matter of course1 that ,i should be sent to hell for my rebelliousness2 still ,i rebelled4 ,it seemed a dreadful thing that ,god should hang one's eternal destiny on things that were not in one's own power4 ,i thought that if people could not do all that ,god required of them1 ,he ought to allow them to fall back into their original nothingness4 ,my mind especially revolted against the arrangement which ,god was said to have made with ,adam1 and the terrible consequences entailed thereby on his posterity4 ,to bring men into being1 and force them to live on forever1 and at the same time to hang their eternal destiny on another1 or on something beyond their power1 seemed dreadfully unjust4 ,i felt that every man ought to be allowed a fair trial for himself1 and to stand or fall by his own doings4 ,and nothing could make me feel that ,i was really answerable for the sin of ,adam1 any more than that ,adam was answerable for my sins4 ,and how ,god could impute one man's sin to another1 was past all comprehension4 ,and ,i felt1 that if matters were managed as they were represented to be1 the government of the universe was not right4 ,but supposing that ,god had a right to do as ,he pleased1 and not knowing that ,he was so good that it was impossible that ,he should ever please to do wrong1 ,i suffered in silence4 ,but ,i often said to myself1 ',god does not deal fairly with mankind1' and my feelings towards ,him were anything but those of love and gratitude4 ,so far was ,i from feeling any obligation to ,him1 that ,i looked on my existence as a tremendous curse1 and ,i would gladly have consented to undergo any amount of torment1 for any length of time short of eternity1 for the privilege of being allowed to return to my original nothingness4 ,the thought that even this was too much to be hoped for1--that it was fixed unchangeably that ,i must live on forever1 and that there was but one dark path1 which ,i might never be able to find1 by which ,i could escape the unbounded and unending torments of hell1 darkened all the days of my early youth1 and made me exceedingly miserable4 ,some kind of blind unbelief1 or a partial spiritual slumber at length came over me1 and made it possible for me to live4 ,but even then my life was anything but a happy one4 ,i cannot give the story of my life at length2 but ,i afterwards got over the difficulties of my early creed1 or exchanged the blasphemous horrors of theology for the teachings of ,christ1 and became a cheerful1 joyous ,christian1 and a happy and successful ,christian minister4 ,as ,i have said in ,chapter fourteenth1 ,i regarded the ,bible as the ,word of ,god from my early childhood4 ,i believed every word to be true1 and every command to be binding4 ,my faith1 at first1 rested on the testimony of my parents and teachers1 and of those among whom ,i lived4 ,every one ,i heard speak of the ,book1 spoke of it as divine1 and the thought that it might be otherwise did not1 that ,i remember1 ever enter my mind4 ,this my hereditary faith in the ,bible was strengthened by the instinctive tendencies of my mind to believe in ,god1 and in all the great doctrines which the book inculcated4 ,the first attempt to prove the divinity of the ,bible1 of which ,i have any recollection1 was made by my mother1 while ,i was yet a child4 ,what led her to make the attempt ,i do not remember4 ,it might be some perplexing question that ,i had asked her2 for ,i used to propose to her puzzling questions sometimes4 ,her argument was1--',bad men could not write such a book1 and good men would not4 ,it must therefore1 have been written by ,god4' ,another argument that ,i remember to have heard in those days was1--',no man would write the ,bible who did not know it to be true2 because it tells liars that their portion will be in the lake of fire and brimstone4' ,there was also an impression among such people as my parents1 that the ,bible was so good a book1 and that it wrought with such a blessed power upon their souls1 that it was impossible it should be written by any one but ,god4 ,the last had probably the greatest effect upon their minds4 ,then they found in the ,bible so many things in harmony with their best affections1 their moral instincts1 and their religious feelings1 that they felt as if they had proof of its heavenly origin in their own souls4 ,i came1 at one period of my life1 to look on these arguments with contempt4 ,and it is certain1 that to give them much force with men of logical habits1 they would require qualification1 and considerable illustration4 ,but they are none of them so foolish as ,i once supposed4 ,as for the last two1 they are1 when presented in a proper way1 unanswerable4 ,there was another argument that was sometimes used1 namely1--that though the different portions of the ,bible were written by persons of widely distant ages1 of different occupations and ranks1 and of very different degrees of culture1 they all aim at one end1 all bear one way1 and all tend to make men good and happy to the last degree4 ,this is a great fact1 and when properly considered1 may well be accepted as a proof that the ,bible1 as a whole1 is from ,god4 ,what effect these arguments had on my mind in my early days1 ,i do not exactly remember1 but the probability is1 that they helped to strengthen my instinctive and hereditary faith in the divine origin of the ,bible4 ,this my instinctive and hereditary faith was a great and beneficent power1 and would have proved an inestimable blessing1 if it had been preserved unshaken through life4 ,and ,i am sorry it was not4 ,i have no sympathy with those who speak of doubt as a blessing1 and who recommend people to demolish their first belief1 that they may raise a better structure in its place4 ,we do not destroy our first and lower life1 to prepare the way for a higher spiritual life4 ,nor do we kill the body to secure the development of the soul4 ,nor do we extinguish our natural home affections1 in order to kindle the fires of friendship1 patriotism1 and philanthropy4 ,the higher life grows out of the lower4 ,the lower nourishes and sustains the higher4 ,at first we are little more than vegetables3 then we become animals3 then men2 and last of all1 sages1 saints1 and angels4 ,but the vegetable nature lives through all1 and is the basis and strength of the animal2 and the animal nature lives1 and is the basis and strength of the human2 and the human lives1 and is the basis and strength of the spiritual and divine4 ,and the higher forms of life are all the more perfect1 for the vigor and fulness of those by which they are preceded4 ,and so with faith4 ,instinctive faith is the proper basis for the faith that comes from testimony4 ,and the faith which rests on testimony is the proper basis for that which comes from reason1 investigation1 experience1 and knowledge4 ,and in no case ought the first to be demolished to make way for the second1 or the second discarded to make way for the third4 ,to kill a tree in order to graft on it new scions1 would be madness2 and to kill1 or discard1 or in any way to slight or injure our first instinctive child-like faith1 to graft on our souls a higher one1 would be equal madness4 ,our instincts are infallible4 ,the faith to which they constrain us is always substantially right and true1 and no testimony1 no reasonings1 no philosophy1 ought to be allowed to set it aside4 ,testimony1 and science1 and experience1 may be allowed to develop it1 enlighten it1 and modify it1 but not to displace or destroy it4 ,it is a divine inspiration1 and is essential to the life and vigor of the soul1 to the beauty and perfection of the character1 and to the fulness and enjoyment of life4 ,if you lose it1 you will have to find it again1 or be wretched4 ,if you kill it1 you will have to bring it to life again1 or perish4 ,it is a necessary support of all other faith1 and a needful part of all religion1 of all virtue1 and of all philosophy4 ,skeptics may call it prejudice2 but it is a kind of prejudice which1 as ,burke very truly says1 is wiser than all our reasonings4 ,i did not fall out with my instinctive belief1 though ,i did not know its value2 but ,i was so formed1 that ,i longed for proofs or corroborating of its truth4 ,i wanted to be able to do something more1 when questioned by doubters or unbelievers as to the grounds of my faith1 than to say1 ',i feel that it is true2' or to refer to the testimony of my parents and teachers2 and ,i did not rest till ,i could do so4 ,i had a dear1 good friend1 ,mr4 ,hill1 a schoolmaster1 a local preacher1 and a scholar1 who1 believing that ,i had talents to fit me for a travelling preacher1 and desiring to prepare me for that high office1 kindly undertook to aid me in my studies4 ,after he had taught me something of ,english grammar1 he began to teach me ,latin4 ,when he had got me through the elementary books1 and exercised me well in one of the ,roman historians1 he lent me a copy of ,grotius1 on the truth of the ,christian religion1 and recommended me to translate it into ,english1 and then to translate it back again into ,latin4 ',it contains the best arguments1' said he1 'in favor of ,christianity1 and it is written in pure and elegant ,latin2 and by the course ,i recommend1 you will both improve yourself greatly in ,latin1 and obtain a large amount of useful religious knowledge4' ,i did as ,i was bid1 and the result was truly delightful4 ,i found in the book proofs both of the existence of ,god1 and of the truth of ,christianity1 which seemed to me most decisive4 ,when ,i had got through the book1 ,i felt as if ,i could convince the whole infidel world4 ,by translating the work first into ,english and then back into ,latin1 and repeating my translations to my teacher without manuscript1 ,i got the whole book1 with all its train of reasoning1 so fixed in mind1 that ,i was able to produce the arguments whenever ,i found it necessary4 ,i could1 in fact1 repeat almost the whole work from beginning to end4 ,i can hardly describe the pleasure ,i felt when ,i found that my faith had a solid foundation to rest upon1--that after having believed instinctively1 and on the testimony of my parents and teachers1 ,i could both justify my faith to my own mind1 and give sound reasons for it to any who might question me on the subject4 ,i afterwards got ,watson's ,theological ,institutes1 which amplified some of the arguments of ,grotius1 and added fresh ones4 ,here too ,i found large quotations from ,howe's ,,living ,,temple1 an argument for the existence of ,god drawn from the wonderful structure of the human body1 and considerable portions of ,paley's work on ,,natural ,,theology4 ,about the same time ,i read the ,lectures of ,doddridge1 which gave me a more comprehensive view than either ,grotius or ,watson1 both of the evidences of the existence of ,god1 and those of the truth of ,christianity4 ,i afterwards met with ,dwight's ,theology1 in which ,i found a number of things which interested me1 though some of his reasonings seemed mere metaphysical fallacies4 ,i next read ,adam ,clarke's ,commentary1 where ,i found1 besides his arguments for the existence of ,god1 abundance of quotations from ,paley1 ,lardner1 ,michaelis1 and others1 on the credibility of the ,new ,testament history1 and the truth of ,christianity4 ,his a priori argument for the existence of ,god seemed only a play on words4 ,his other arguments were much the same as ,watson's4 ,about this time ,i read ,mosheim's ,history of the ,church4 ,this did me harm4 ,it is a bad book4 ,it is1 in truth1 no real history of the ,church at all1 but a miserable chronicle of the heresies1 inconsistencies and crimes of the worldly and priestly party in the ,church1 who perverted the religion of ,christ to worldly1 selfish purposes4 ,the whole tendency of the book is to put the sweet image of ,christ and the glories of ,his religion1 out of sight1 and to present to you in their place1 a distressing picture of human weakness and human wickedness4 ,it is a great pity that this wretched pretence to a church history was not long ago displaced by a work calculated to do some justice1 and to render some service1 to the cause of ,christ4 ,i afterwards read works in favor of ,christianity and against infidelity1 by ,robert ,hall1 ,olinthus ,gregory1 ,dr4 ,chalmers1 ,le ,clerc1 ,hartwell ,horne1 ,s4 ,thompson1 ,bishop ,watson1 ,bishop ,pearson1 ,bishop ,porteus4 ,i also read ,leland's ,view of ,deistical ,writers1 ,leslie's ,short and ,easy ,method with ,deists1 ,faber's ,difficulties of ,infidelity1 ,fuller's ,gospel its ,own ,witness1 ,butler's ,analogy1 ,baxter's ,unreasonableness of ,infidelity1 and his ,evidences of ,christianity1 ,simpson's ,plea for ,religion and the ,sacred ,writings1 ,ryan on the ,beneficial ,effects of ,christianity1 ,cave on the ,early ,christians1 the ,debate between ,r4 ,owen and ,a4 ,campbell1 ,scotch ,lectures1 ,g4 ,campbell on ,miracles1 ,ray's ,wisdom of ,god in ,creation1 ,constable's ,history of ,converts from ,infidelity1 ,newton on the ,prophecies1 ,locke on the ,reasonableness of ,christianity1 ,nelson on the ,cause and ,cure of ,infidelity1 ,priestley's ,institutes of ,natural and ,revealed ,religion1 ,jews' ,letters to ,voltaire1 and works by ,beattie1 ,soame ,jenyns1 ,west1 ,lyttleton1 ,ogilvie1 ,addison1 ,gilbert ,wakefield and others4 ,i also read sermons on different branches of the evidences1 by ,tillotson1 ,barrow1 and others4 ,one of the last and one of the best works ,i read on the ,evidences of ,christianity1 were some sermons by ,dr4 ,channing4 ,these sermons presented the historical argument in a simpler and more impressive form than any work ,i had ever read4 ,this reading of works on the evidences did not prove an unmixed blessing4 ,i am not certain that it did not prove a serious injury4 #a4 ,in the first place1 the works ,i read weakened1 in time1 and then destroyed1 my instinctive and hereditary faith1 and gave me nothing so satisfactory in its place4 ,they filled my mind with thoughts of things outside me1 and even outside ,christianity itself1 which did not take a firm and lasting hold of my affections4 ,they seemed to take me from solid ground and living realities1 into regions of cold1 thin air1 and bewildering mists and clouds4 #b4 ,in the second place1 the writers disagreed among themselves4 ,they differed as to the value of different kinds of evidence4 ,some were all for external evidences1 and some were all for internal evidences4 ,some said there was no such thing as internal evidence4 ',the very idea of such a thing1' said they1 'supposes that man is able to judge what doctrines are true1 or rational1 or worthy of ,god2 and what precepts1 laws1 institutions1 and examples are right and good2 and man has no such power4 ,reason has no right to judge revelation4 ,all that reason has a right to do is to judge as to the matter of fact whether the ,bible and ,christianity be really a revelation from ,god or not1 and1 if it be1 what is its purport4 ,as to the reasonableness of the doctrines1 and the goodness of the precepts1 reason has no right or power to judge at all4' ,others contended that miracles could never prove the truth or divinity of any system of doctrines or morals that did not commend itself to the judgments and consciences of enlightened1 candid1 and virtuous men4 ,these two parties1 between them1 condemned both kinds of evidence4 #c4 ,then thirdly2 some used unsound arguments4 ,they used arguments founded on mistakes with regard to matters of fact4 ,grotius1 for instance1 based two of his arguments for the existence of ,god on misconceptions of this kind4 ',that there is a ,god1' said ,grotius1 'is evident from the fact1 that water1 which naturally runs downward to the level of the sea1 is made to run upwards through subterranean channels1 from the sea to the tops of the mountains1 and thus supply springs and streams to water the earth1 and supply the wants of its inhabitants4' ,but the waters are not forced upwards from the sea to the mountains in this way3 they are carried to the hills in the form of vapors4 ,true1 the evidence for the existence of ,god supplied by the conversion of water into vapor1 and by the many beneficent ends answered thereby1 is as real and as convincing a proof of ,god's existence as any evidence that could have been furnished by such an arrangement as that imagined by ,grotius4 ,but ,i did not see this at the time2 hence the discovery that the argument of ,grotius was unsound1 had an unfavorable effect on my mind4 ',again1' says ,grotius1 'it is plain that the world must have had a beginning1 from the existence of mountains4 ,for if the earth had existed from eternity1 the mountains1 which the rains and floods are always reducing1 washing down particles into the valleys and plains1 would long ago have disappeared1 and every part of the earth would long before this have been quite level4' ,here was another error4 ,grotius was not aware1 it would seem1 that there are forces continually at work in the interior of the earth making new mountains1--that some portions of the earth are continually rising1 and others gradually subsiding4 #d4 ,several of the arguments which ,i met with in ,doddridge's great work ,i found to be unsound4 ,and there were others which1 if ,i did not discover to be fallacious1 ,i felt to be unsatisfactory4 ,they were1 in truth1 as ,i afterwards found1 mere metaphysical puzzles4 #e4 ,among the most honest and earnest works on the evidences that came in my way1 were those of ,richard ,baxter4 ,but many of his arguments were unsatisfactory4 ,among other things of doubtful value1 he gave a number of ghost stories1 and accounts of witches and their doings1 and of persons possessed by evil spirits1 and even of men and women who had sold themselves to the devil1 and who had been seized and carried away by him bodily1 in the presence of their neighbors and friends4 ,then some of his arguments took for granted points of importance which ,i was particularly anxious to have proved4 ,much of his reasoning seemed conclusive enough1 but when sound and unsound arguments are so blended in the same book1 the unsound ones seem to lessen the credit and the force of the sound ones4 ,on the subject of the evidences1 ,baxter1 like ,grotius1 was behind the times4 ,his works might be satisfactory enough to people of his own day1 but they were not adapted to the minds of people of the present day4 #f4 ,the works of ,paley and ,butler gave me the greatest satisfaction4 ,paley1 both in his ,natural ,theology and in his evidences of ,christianity1 seemed to be almost all that ,i could desire1 and ,i rested in him for a length of time with great satisfaction4 ,but ,i read him only once1 and ,i ought1 for a time at least1 to have made him my daily study1 and imprinted his work on my mind1 as ,i did the work of ,grotius4 #g4 ,many writers on the ,bible attempted to settle points which could not be settled4 ,they tried to make out the authors of all the books in the ,bible1 and this was found impossible4 ,different writers ascribed books to different authors4 ,the ,book of ,job was ascribed by one writer to ,job himself1 by another to ,moses1 and by a third to ,elihu4 ,the ,book of ,ecclesiastes was ascribed by some to ,solomon1 by others to a writer of a later age4 ,writers differed with regard to the authorship of many of the ,psalms and many of the ,proverbs4 ,they differed with regard to the author of the ,epistle to the ,hebrews1 and the ,book of ,revelation1 and even with regard to some of the ,gospels4 ,they multiplied controversies instead of ending them1 and in some cases made matters seem doubtful that were not so4 #h4 ,the writers on evidences often attempted to prove points which were not true1 and which1 if they had been true1 would have been no credit to the ,bible or ,christianity4 ,some of them spent more time in laboring to prove that ,christianity taught doctrines which it did not teach1 than in proving that the doctrines which it did teach were 'worthy of all acceptation4' ,some left the impression that ,christianity was a mass of vain1 improbable1 and incomprehensible doctrines1 calculated neither to satisfy man's intellect nor his conscience1 neither to renovate his heart1 nor improve his life1 nor increase his happiness4 ,such writers served the cause of infidelity rather than the cause of ,christ4 #i4 ,some1 like ,hartwell ,horne1 gave so many rules for interpreting the ,bible1 and required such a multitude of rare qualifications to fit a man for being a ,bible student1 that they left the impression on one's mind that the ,book must be utterly unintelligible to people at large4 ,and they directed the attention of their readers so much to matters of little or no moment1 that they lost sight of the matters which the ,bible was specially intended to teach and impress on men's minds and hearts4 #aj4 ,many dwelt so much on things doubtful1 that they left the impression on the minds of their readers1 that there was little or nothing but what was doubtful4 ,they busied themselves so much in answering objections1 that they left the impression that there was little or nothing but what was open to objections4 ,they had so little to say about what was true1 and good1 and glorious beyond all question1 that they left people in doubt whether there was any thing past question or controversy in ,christianity or not4 #aa4 ,and many treated the subject so coolly or carelessly1 that they abated rather than increased the interest of their readers in religious matters4 #ab4 ,and the great mass of writers followed one another so servilely1--they wrote so much by rote1 and so little from experience or real knowledge1 that all seemed cold and formal1 uninteresting and unprofitable4 ,it was a rare thing to come across a writer that touched the heart1 or even satisfied the judgment4 #ac4 ,and they often labored hard and long to prove points of little or no importance1 while points of greatest moment were left untouched1 or handled so unskillfully as to do harm rather than good4 #ad4 ,and almost all had unauthorized and unscriptural theories of ,scripture inspiration1 which it was impossible for them to prove1 and which they so manifestly failed to prove1 that a critical reader could not but see their failure4 ,they tried to justify expressions and actions which could not be justified1 and to reconcile differences which did not admit of reconciliation4 #ae4 ,even the historical arguments of ,paley and ,grotius consisted of so many particulars1 and carried one so far back into regions with which one was so imperfectly acquainted1 and into states of society which it was so difficult for one to realize1 that it was impossible they should have much power over the heart2 and the little they had was soon lost1 when their books were laid aside4 ,even when we remembered the facts1 and could run them over in our minds1 we could not feel the force of the argument based on them1 or use it so as to make it felt by others4 ,the historical argument drawn from miracles never exerted much satisfying power on my mind for any length of time4 ,i could remember that it had satisfied me once1 but that was not to feel its satisfying power then4 ,and you could not go back to your books continually1 and pore over the arguments forever4 ,so that long before ,i became a doubter1 ,i felt that the historical argument could never be useful to people generally1 either in producing faith where it was not1 or in perpetuating it where it was4 ,i was sure that if mankind at large were to be brought to receive and cherish ,christianity1 it must be by proofs of a simpler and more popular kind1 which people could feel1 and carry along with them in their hearts as well as in their heads4 ,and now ,i see most clearly that ,i was right4 ,miracles had a use1 and ,i may show what it was by and by2 but it was not the use to which they have been so often and so vainly applied4 #af4 ,the writers on prophecy were as unsatisfactory as those on miracles4 ,they often handled the prophecies unfairly if not deceitfully4 ,they treated as absolute prophecies1 prophecies which were expressly conditional4 ,and they lost sight of the fact1 so plainly stated in ,jeremiah xviii1 that all prophetic promises and threatenings are conditional4 ,then they took one bit of a prophecy and left another3 kept out of sight predictions which had not been fulfilled1 and dwelt exclusively on phrases which had been fulfilled4 ,they dealt deceitfully with history as well as prophecy4 ,they made or modified facts4 ,they gave fanciful interpretations to prophecies4 ,and they tried to make prophecy prove what it could not prove1 however unquestionable and miraculous the fulfilment might be4 ,the manner in which ,nelson and ,keith dealt with prophecy was often childish1 and even dishonest4 ,a careful examination of their works left a most painful impression on my mind4 ,what ,albert ,barnes says about much of the reasoning of preachers and divines is applicable to this class of writers more than to some others4 ',a great part of the reasoning founded upon prophecies is unsound4 ,much of the reasoning employed by the early ,christian ,fathers1 by the ,schoolmen1 and by the ,reformers had no intrinsic force3 it was based on ignorance and error4 ,yet theologians are prone to cling to it4 ,they forget the age in which they live4 ,they linger1 they live1 among the shades of the past4 ,their thoughts1 their dialect1 their way of reasoning are all of other days4 ',the quality of another kind of reasoning common among divines is1 that it is not understood by the mass of men1 and that it does not seem to be understood by those who use it4' #ag4 ,in the following paragraph he speaks important words about theology as well as about theological reasoning4 ',there is much theology1' says he1 'that a good man cannot preach4 ,it would shock his own feelings2 it would contradict his prayers2 it would be fatal to all his efforts to do good2 it would drive off the sinner to a hopeless distance1 though he had begun to return to ,god2 it would be at war with the elementary convictions which men have of what must be true4 ,among the doctrines of this theology are those1--that ,christ died for the salvation of only a part of mankind1--that we are to blame for ,adam's sin1--condemned for an act done ages before we were born4 ',the theology that should be preached to make the pulpit what it should be1 should be based on obvious and honest principles of ,scripture interpretation4 ,the preacher is the interpreter of a book1 and he should be the voice1 the organ1 of its true and natural meaning4 ,nothing should be misquoted2 nothing should be perverted or misapplied4 ,his interpretation should be seen and felt to be in harmony with the scope1 the drift1 the spirit1 the aim of the ,bible4 ,the success of preaching has been greatly hindered by false principles of ,biblical interpretation4 ,in interpreting other books men have gone on rational principles2 but in interpreting the ,bible they have gone on principles quite irrational4 ,they have sought for double senses1 and mystical meanings1 and used texts as proofs of doctrines1 that had no reference to the doctrines whatever4 ,metaphors and symbols have had all possible meanings forced on them4 ,infidels and men of the world are approached with arguments that are little less than insults to their understandings4 ,they are disgusted1 instead of being convinced4 ,they are led to look on the ,bible with disdain4 ,they are willing to remain infidels1 rather than become idiots4 ,one is pained and sickened that such a multitude of impertinent and inapplicable texts should be brought as proofs of ,christian doctrine2--texts applicable to anything else rather than the points under consideration4 ,even ,dr4 ,edwards misuses texts of ,scripture thus4 ,the ,bible is to be interpreted as other books are4 ,men are not to hide themselves in the mist of a hidden meaning1 and shock the common sense of the world4 ,preachers should go on the supposition1 that in every congregation there are shrewd and sagacious men1 who can appreciate a good argument1 and see the weakness of a bad one2 men who can appreciate a good sermon1 if there be a good sermon to be appreciated4 ,for such1 he may be assured1 is the fact4' ,all these unwise things had a tendency to shake my faith in writers on the evidences1 to lessen my interest in the subject1 to abate my confidence in the knowledge and integrity of the authors1 and to diminish my faith in the supernatural origin of the ,bible and ,christianity4 #ah4 ,the evidences that had most weight with me were the internal evidences4 ,but these were often handled in an unsatisfactory way4 ,the greater part of ,soame ,jenyns' little work was good1 as far as it went2 but it went only a very short way4 ,it took a step or two1 in the most difficult1 doubtful1 and uninviting part of the road1 but it left the vast paradise of internal evidences unexplored1 and even unapproached4 ,his work was rather an apology for ,christianity1 proving that it was not open to censure1 than a demonstration of its incalculable worth and power4 ,i did not myself see clearly at the time1 that the adaptation of ,christianity to man's wants1 to man's nature1 and its tendency to promote man's temporal as well as his spiritual welfare1 was really a proof of its divine origin4 ,i saw that it was a valid answer to the infidel objection that it was useless or mischievous2 but not that it was a decisive proof of its divinity4 ,hence though ,i employed it as a refutation of infidel charges against ,christianity1 ,i never pressed it further4 ,and though ,i got at length much larger views of the excellency of ,christianity than those presented by ,soame ,jenyns1 ,i saw not half1 ,i saw not a tenth of its worth and glory4 ,i saw not a tenth even of what ,i see now4 ,i now see there are no limits to the excellency of ,christianity1 or to the power of the argument supplied by its glorious character1 in proof of its divinity4 ,and the worth and excellency of ,christianity you can carry continually in your mind4 ,they present themselves whenever you open the ,gospels1 or look at ,jesus4 ,they move you whenever you think of the happy effect ,christianity has had on your own hearts and lives4 ,they come to your minds whenever you look on the prevailing vices and miseries of society1 which result from a want of ,christianity4 ,they touch your heart1 as well as convince your judgment4 ,but ,i neither saw them in their true light nor in their full extent before ,i fell into doubt2 so that they were unable to make up for the deficiency in the external evidences1 and to check my growing tendency to unbelief4 #ai4 ,there were other influences that helped me down to unbelief4 ,negative criticism1 pulling things to pieces with a view to find faults1 to which our modern philosophers give the fine name of ,analysis1 tends to cause doubt about every thing4 ,it eats out of one the very soul of truth1 of love1 and of faith4 ,it tends naturally to kill all our good instincts and natural affections1 and to render not only religion1 but philosophy1 virtue and happiness impossible4 ,the ,cartesian system of reasoning1 which begins by calling in question every thing1 and which refuses to believe anything without formal proof1 is essentially vicious4 ,the man who adopts it and carries it out thoroughly1 must necessarily become an infidel1 not only in religion1 but in morals and philosophy4 ,and he must become intolerably miserable1 and destroy himself1 unless1 like ,john ,s4 ,mill1 he can find out some method of deceiving himself4 ,and this is the system of reasoning now in vogue4 ,this vicious system ,i adopted1 and it hastened my fall into unbelief as a matter of course4 ,not one of all the most important things on earth admits of proof in this formal way4 ,you cannot prove your own existence in this way4 ,you cannot prove the existence of the universe4 ,you cannot prove the existence of ,god4 ,you cannot prove that there are such things as vice and virtue1 good and evil4 ,you cannot prove that men ought to marry1 rear families1 form governments1 live in society1 tell the truth1 be honest1 restrain their appetites and passions1 or abstain from treachery and murder4 ,all reasonings in favor of religion1 virtue1 society1 philosophy1 must rest on assumptions1--must take a number of things for granted1--must take for granted the truth and goodness of those instincts1 sentiments1 and natural affections which constrain us to be religious1 social1 and moral1 independent of argument4 ,all reasoning1 to be of any use1 must begin1 not with doubt1 but belief4 ,the reasoning that begins with doubting every thing1 and accepting nothing till it is proved by formal argument1 will end in doubt of every thing that ought to be believed4 ,it will end1 not only in ,atheism1 but in boundless immorality1 and in utter wretchedness and ruin4 ,the man who would not be undone by his logic1 must pity ,descartes instead of admiring him1 and instead of following him go just the contrary way4 ,descartes made a fool of himself1 or his method of reasoning made a fool of him1 the very first time he used it4 ,his very first argument was a fallacy and a folly4 ,he pretended1 first1 to doubt1 and then to prove1 his own existence4 ,his argument was1 ',i think2 therefore ,i exist3' as if he could be more sure that he thought1 than he was that he existed4 ,he took his existence for granted when he said ',i think4' #bj4 ,other things helped on the horrible change that was taking place in my soul4 ,i got a taste for reading a different kind of works from those which ,i had been accustomed to read4 ,i turned away from works on religion and duty1 and began to read the works of the critical1 destructive party4 ,i turned away even from the best practical writers of the orthodox school1 such as ,baxter1 ,tillotson and ,barrow1 and read ,theodore ,parker1 ,martineau1 ,w4 ,f4 ,newman1 ,w4 ,j4 ,fox1 and ,froude4 ,i also read ,carlyle1 ,emerson1 and ,w4 ,mackay1 the metaphysical bore1 and ,c4 ,mackay1 the charming1 fascinating1 but not ,christian poet4 ,theodore ,parker became my favorite among the prose writers4 ,his beautiful style and practical lessons had already reconciled me to his harsh expressions about the ,bible1 and to his contemptuous treatment of miracles2 and now ,i had degenerated so far that ,i liked him for those very faults4 ,i read the writings of the ,american ,abolitionists1 all of which tended to draw me from the ,church and the ,bible1 and to bring me more fully under skeptical influences4 ,i began to look more freely and frequently into works of science1 and most of those waged covert war with supernaturalism1 and sought to bring down the ,bible and ,christianity to the level of ordinary human thought4 ,all ideas of authority in books and religious systems1 in ecclesiastical and social institutions1 gradually faded away4 ,all ideas of superhuman authority1 or divine obligation1 in marriage1 in home1 and in family life vanished4 ,all things lost their sacredness1 and came down to the vulgar level of mere human opinion1 or of personal interest1 convenience1 or pleasure4 #ba4 ,there was a change in my companions4 ,those who had high and holy thoughts of all things1 and whose meat and drink it was to do good1 withdrew from me2 and men and women came around me who cared only for earth and self2 whose talk was of gain1 and fashion1 and self-indulgence2 and whose desire it was to silence conscience1 and to stifle thoughts of duty4 #bb4 ,i ceased to pray4 ,i had already given up family prayer4 ,i now gave up private prayer4 ,i gave up prayer altogether4 ,i had impulses to prayer1 but ,i resisted them4 ,prayer was irrational1 according to the new philosophy1 and must be discarded4 #bc4 ,and praise and thanksgiving went next4 ,what reason could there be for telling an all-wise ,god what you thought of ,him1 or how you felt towards ,him8 ,and besides1 it now began to appear that ,god had not been so very bountiful as to deserve either high commendation1 or enthusiastic thanksgiving4 #bd4 ,i had fresh work4 ,politics first got into partnership with my religion1 and then turned religion out of the concern4 ,and politics1 severed from religion1 soon become selfish1 and even devilish4 ,so long as ,christian philanthropy occupied my thoughts and feelings1 it helped religiousness2 but when it gave way to polities1 my religiousness declined1 languished1 and died4 #be4 ,i began to indulge in amusements4 ,chess1 drafts1 cards1 concerts1 theatres1 and feasting asked for a portion of my time and money1 and ,i gave it to them4 ,i began to think of pleasure more than of usefulness2 to live for myself rather than for others2 and the higher virtues and religion went down together4 #bf4 ,my position improved4 ,i passed from poverty to comparative wealth4 ,this helped my degeneracy4 ,i had more abundant means of self-indulgence1 and ,i began1 though slowly1 timidly1 and with misgivings1 and self-reproaches1 and occasional fits of remorse1 to use them for selfish1 worldly purposes4 ,god had given me more1 so ,i gave ,him less4 ,jeshurun waxed fat and kicked4 ,jesus knew what ,he was saying when ,he warned people against the danger1 the deceitfulness1 of riches4 #bg4 ,i was often uneasy during the decline of religion in my soul1 but philosophy had its anodynes1 its soothing syrups1 its dreamy1 delusive1 spiritual drugs4 ,it could flatter1 it could cheat1 in the most approved fashion4 ,it could bewitch1 intoxicate1 and take captive the whole soul1--judgment1 conscience1 fancy1 everything4 ,satan can put on the appearance of an 'angel of light4' ,he can talk religion4 ,he can talk philanthropy4 ,he can preach the most beautiful doctrines4 ,he can use the most charming words4 ,at the very moment that he is destroying religion and virtue1 he can speak of them in the highest terms1 and even sing of them in the sweetest strains4 ,he can talk of liberty in the most swelling1 high-sounding1 and fascinating style1 while all the time he is making men the most degraded and miserable slaves4 ,he can lead people1 singing and dancing1 laughing and shouting1 through a philosopher's paradise1 to a purgatory of guilt and horror4 ,and all the time he will preach to them the finest doctrines2 the most exalted sentiments4 ',religion6--everything is religion1 that is in accordance with the laws of our own nature1 that is suitable to our position and relations1 that helps our brothers or our families4 ,and all truth is religious truth4 ,all science is divine revelation4 ,all laws are ,god's laws1 except the arbitrary laws of men4 ,all work is divine work1 if it be according to nature4 ,all useful work is religion4 ,farming1 trade1 government1 are all religion4 ,so are waking and sleeping4 ,they are all divine ordinances2 they are all divine service4 ,all good work is worship4 ,singing foolish hymns1 reading foolish lessons1 preaching foolish sermons1 offering foolish prayers1 in unhealthy churches1 half stifled with foul air1 are not religion4 ,religion is the free and natural utterance of great1 true thoughts1 of good and generous feelings1 of nature's own rich sentiments and inspirations4 ,the flowery fields1 the shadowy woods1 the lofty mountains are nobler places of worship than the dark and damp cathedral2 and the fresh air of heaven is a diviner inspiration than carbonic acid gas4 ,and the sun is a diviner light than waxen tapers1 explosive lamps1 or oxygen-consuming gas4 ,and the gorgeous sun-tinted clouds are grander and more beautiful than painted windows6 ,god's temple is all space2 ,his altar2 earth1 air1 skies6 ,his ministers are sun1 moon1 stars2 birds1 beasts1 and flowers4 ,nature is ,god's revelation2 the true ,bible2 written in an universal language2 speaking to all eyes2 needing no translation2 in danger of no interpolation1 alteration1 or mutilation4 ,man is the true ,shekinah1--the veritable image1 the real glory1 the true revelation and manifestation of ,god4 ,man is the saviour of man3 the teacher1 the guide1 the comforter of man4 ,every one1 male or female1 is a servant1 a minister of ,god4 ,all are priests4 ,all are kings4 ,the truth makes us free3 free from all authorities1 but the authority of ,god1--,god in the soul4 ,christ is our brother1 not our master4 ,he is a helper1 not a ruler4 ,and all are helpers of each other4 ,all are saviours4 ,all are ,christs4 ,inspiration is not a matter of time1 or place1 or person4 ,it is eternal and universal4 ,it is in all1 and it endures forever4 ,every good book is a ,bible4 ,every good hymn or song is a holy psalm4 ,purity of body is holiness1 as well as purity of mind4 ,every day is a sabbath1 a holy day4 ,every place is holy ground4 ,the ,church of ,god is the human race4 ,all are ,god's disciples1 under training by nature's operations1 and by the events of daily life4 ,the earth is ,god's great school-house2 mankind are one great school2 ,god is our chief ,master2 the universe is our lesson book1 and all we are ushers and under teachers4 ,all things are our helpers1 not masters2--our servants1 not lords4 ,they are made for us1 not we for them2 and must be used so as to make them answer their ends4 ,the ,sabbath was made for man2 not man for the ,sabbath4 ,bibles are for men1 not men for ,bibles4 ,governments1 churches1 authorities1 laws1 institutions1 customs1 events1 suns1 moons1 stars1 systems1 atoms1 elements1 all are made for man1 and to man's interest and pleasure they must be subordinated4 ,all must be changed to meet man's changing wants4 ,nothing is entitled to be permanent1 but that which answers beneficently to something permanent in man4 ,man is lord of the universe4 ,man is lord of himself4 ,man is his own rightful governor4 ,man is his own law4 ,his nature is his law4 ,each individual man is his own law4 ,individualities are divine1 and must be respected2 respected by laws and governments4 ,law must yield to individuality2 not individuality to law4 ,individuality is sacred4 ,the individuality of the individual is his life1 and must be fostered4 ,it is a new manifestation of ,god4 ,as to means of grace1--all expressions and interchanges of kind feeling are means of grace4 ,shaking hands is a means of grace4 ,free1 friendly talk1 a concert or a song1 a social ride1 a family feast1 a social gathering1 a pleasant chat1 a game at whist1 all are means of grace4 ,all are holy to holy souls4 ,all are pure to pure minds4 ,eating1 drinking1 sleeping are all divine ordinances4 ,religion1 in its higher and more enlightened form1 raises our views of all things2 makes all things beautiful2 all things glorious4 ,it does not bring down the high and holy2 but lifts up all things to a divine level4 ,it desecrates no temple2 but consecrates the universe4 ,it breaks no ,sabbath2 but makes every day a ,sabbath1 and all time one lengthened holy day4 ,it degrades no priest2 but makes all men priests4 ,it does not bring down the high1 but raises the low4 ,it denies not heaven2 but brings down heaven to earth4 ,everywhere is heaven4 ,god's kingdom is an universal kingdom4 ,his presence1 ,his throne1 ,his glory1 are everywhere1 and heaven is all around us and within us4 ,the universe is heaven4' ,thus spake the devil4 ,and now came in his progressive poets to give those broad1 those high1 those rational1 those philosophical principles1 this theology and religion of advanced humanity1 this ,church and worship of the future1 the fascination of their ecstatic genius1 and all the charms of numbers1 rhyme1 and melody4 ',my religion is love1' sings one1 'the richest and fairest4' ',abou ,ben ,adhem1' sings another4 ',he loves not ,god2 but loves ,god's creature man4 ,give him a place1--the highest place1--in heaven4' ,another sings1 ',the poor man's ,sunday walk4' ,the advanced religionist1 addressing his wife1 exclaims1 ,the morning of our rest has come1 ,the sun is shining clear2 ,i see it on the steeple-top3 ,put on your shawl1 my dear1 ,and let us leave the smoky town1 ,the dense and stagnant lane1 ,and take our children by the hand ,to see the fields again4 ,i've pined for air the livelong week2 ,for the smell of new-mown hay2 ,for a pleasant1 quiet1 country walk1 ,on a sunny ,sabbath day4 ,our parish church is cold and damp2 ,i need the air and sun2 ,we'll sit together on the grass1 ,and see the children run4 ,we'll watch them gather butter-cups1 ,or cowslips in the dell1 ,or listen to the cheerful sounds ,of the far-off village bell2 ,and thank our ,god with grateful hearts1 ,though in the fields we pray2 ,and bless the healthful breeze of heaven1 ,on a sunny ,sabbath day4 ,i'm weary of the stifling room1 ,where all the week we're pent2 ,of the alley fill'd with wretched life1 ,and odors pestilent3 ,and long once more to see the fields1 ,and the grazing sheep and beeves2 ,to hear the lark amid the clouds1 ,and the wind among the leaves2 ,and all the sounds that glad the air ,on green hills far away3-- ,the sounds that breathe of ,peace and ,love1 ,on a sunny ,sabbath day4 ,for somehow1 though they call it wrong1 ,in church ,i cannot kneel ,with half the natural thankfulness ,and piety ,i feel ,when out1 on such a day as this1 ,i lie upon the sod1 ,and think that every leaf and flower ,is grateful to its ,god2 ,that ,i1 who feel the blessing more1 ,should thank ,him more than they1 ,that ,i can elevate my soul ,on a sunny ,sabbath day4 ,put on your shawl1 and let us go2 ,for one day let us think ,of something else than daily care1 ,or toil1 and meat1 and drink3 ,for one day let our children sport ,and feel their limbs their own3 ,for one day let us quite forget ,the grief that we have known3-- ,let us forget that we are poor2 ,and1 basking in the ray1 ,thank ,god that we can still enjoy ,a sunny ,sabbath day4 ,what can be more natural1--what more plausible1--what more rational1--what more pious8 ,yet it means forgetfulness of ,god1 forgetfulness of ,christ1 forgetfulness of duty1 forgetfulness of immortality4 ,it means self1 and sin1 and ruin4 ,and so it is with a multitude of other sweet poems4 ,one of the sweetest singers that ever received a poetic soul from ,god1 ignores ,christ and ,christianity4 ,his works are full of truth1 but it is truth turned into a lie1 and made to do the work of sin and death4 ,it is ,satan clad as an angel of light4 ,every day a ,sabbath1 means no day a ,sabbath4 ,all places holy1 means no place holy4 ,all things worship1 means nothing worship4 ,all honest labor religious1 means no labor religious4 ,freedom means license1 contempt for virtue1 enslavement to vice4 ,progress means falling back4 ,elevation means degradation4 ,liberality means leniency to error and evil1 and severity towards truth and goodness4 ,in short1 darkness means light1 and light means darkness2 good means evil1 and evil good2 bitter means sweet1 and sweet bitter4 ,reform means revolution1 and renovation means degradation1 and all these charming things mean wretchedness and ruin4 ,we must not be understood as condemning all the sentiments uttered by the great deceiver4 ,many of them are true and good4 ,they are ,christian4 ,satan is too wise to preach unmitigated falsehood4 ,he understands too well the art of using truth so as to serve the ends of falsehood4 ,it is enough for him if he can sever men's souls from ,christ1 and truth from divine authority1 and religion from ,christianity1 the ,church1 and the ,bible4 ,allow him to do this1 and he will discourse and sing to you a world of sweet words and lofty sentiments4 ,truth is the ladder by which men climb to ,god1 and goodness1 and heaven4 ,but ,satan has found out that there is a way down the ladder as well as up1 and that to praise the ladder to the descending crowd is the surest way to draw them ever further downward1 till they lose themselves amid the blinding smoke of the abyss beneath4 ,we love1 we cherish every sweet word of truth1 but we value nothing apart from ,god1 and ,christ1 and ,religion4 #bh4 ,it is a bad thing when people are taught things in their youth that are not true4 ,they are sure1 when they become students1 if they are honest and able1 to find out the errors1 and to lay them aside4 ,and the mere habit of detecting and laying aside errors1 has a tendency to make men skeptical4 ,now ,i had been taught a multitude of things in my youth that were not true1 both with regard to the doctrines and the evidences of ,christianity4 ,these things ,i detected and set aside in riper years4 ,and ,i had so many things to set aside1 that ,i came to look with suspicion on almost all my creed4 ,the skeptical tendency got too strong for my habit of belief4 ,i suspected where there was no good ground for suspicion4 ,i rejected truth as well as error4 ,i held in doubt doctrines that ,i ought to have cherished as my life4 ,change became too easy2 judgment too hasty2 and error and unbelief were naturally the result4 ,it is especially a bad thing when an earnest young student sees signs of carelessness in religious writers2 a readiness to repeat what has been said before2 to support what is popular1 without endeavoring to ascertain whether it be true or not4 ,it is still worse when a student discovers in religious writers signs of dishonesty and fraud4 ,i discovered both4 ,i saw cases in which false doctrines were passed on from generation to generation1 and from writer to writer1 without the least attempt to ascertain their true character4 ,i saw other cases in which dishonesty was manifest1 in which fraud was used1 in support of doctrines4 ,old creeds were allowed to remain unaltered1 long after portions of them had been found to be unscriptural2 and error was subscribed as a matter of course4 ,the result was1 a distrust of everything held by such parties1 unless it was supported by the plainest and most decisive proofs4 #bi4 ,i was now in a state of mind to go down quietly and almost unconsciously into utter unbelief4 ,and ,i went down4 ,i did not reject the doctrine of the divine origin of the ,bible and ,christianity1 but gradually lost it4 ,my faith died a natural death4 ,i was in the world1 and became a worldly man4 ,i mixed with unbelievers1 and gradually came down to their level4 ,i had supposed that a man could be as religious outside the ,church as inside2 but ,i found it otherwise4 ,it was a sad1 an awful change ,i underwent2 but ,i not only did not see it1 at the time1 in its true light1 but was actually unconscious for a long time that it was taking place4 ,in ,november #aheb1 ,i attended a ,bible convention at ,salem1 ,columbiana ,county1 ,ohio4 ,it lasted three days4 ,i spoke repeatedly1 and at considerable length1 at its meetings4 ,my remarks wore directed chiefly1 not against the ,bible1 but against what ,i regarded as unauthorized theories of ,scripture inspiration4 ,i contended that those theories were injurious to the interests of virtue and humanity4 ,i also spoke about the darkness in which the human authorship of portions of the ,bible was wrapt4 ,my remarks were a mixture of truth and error1 but in their general tenor they were unjust1 and could hardly fail to be injurious4 ,henry ,c4 ,wright spoke at this convention1 contending that man had an infallible rule of life engraven on his own nature1 independent of instruction from without4 ,he was often severe and extravagant in his remarks4 ,he was fierce1 and said things which he could not make good4 ,the ,rev4 ,jonas ,harzell and others spoke in defence of the ,bible4 ,on the last evening the hall in which the convention was held was densely crowded1 and the audience was greatly excited4 ,a ,mr4 ,ambler spoke at great length1 and seemed desirous to excite the people to violence against the assailants of the ,bible4 ,when he closed1 a large portion of the audience seemed bent on mischief4 ,i rose to reply to ,mr4 ,ambler1 and soon got the attention of the audience4 ,their rage quickly subsided1 and at the close of my address1 the people separated in peace4 ,in ,june #ahec1 ,i attended another ,bible convention at ,hartford1 ,connecticut4 ,i was appointed ,president4 ,a4 ,j4 ,davis1 the celebrated spiritualist1 gave the first address4 ,it was on the propriety of free discussion on religious subjects4 ,henry ,c4 ,wright spoke next1 making strong remarks on portions of the ,old ,testament4 ,i followed1 going over much the same ground as at ,salem1 but speaking with more severity of feeling4 ,my heart was getting harder4 ,the ,rev4 ,george ,storrs replied4 ,he set himself especially to answer ,h4 ,c4 ,wright1 and he spoke with much effect4 ,in the afternoon of the second day1 ,w4 ,l4 ,garrison proposed six resolutions1 bearing partly on the ,bible1 and partly on the church and clergy4 ,they were very strong4 ,there was a considerable amount of truth in them1 but their spirit and tendency were bad4 ,parker ,pillsbury followed with a speech1 in which he praised natural religion1 but condemned the religion of the church4 ,in the evening ,mr4 ,garrison spoke4 ,he spoke with much power4 ,he dwelt chiefly on what was called the doctrine of plenary inspiration4 ,his strength was in the extreme views of the orthodox theologians1 and in the inconsistencies of the church and the clergy4 ,mr4 ,garrison made a second speech on the fourth evening1 still dwelling on the theory of plenary inspiration4 ,before he got through his speech the meeting was disturbed by a number of theological students1 from a college in the city4 ,they threatened mischief4 ,one displayed a dagger4 ,confusion followed4 ,some of the speakers fled1 and others were alarmed4 ,i kept my place1 but soon found ,i had the platform to myself4 ,i expected more courage from my skeptical friends4 ,but they understood ,judge ,lynch better than ,i did1 and their discretion1 under the circumstances1 might be the better part of valor4 ,my rashness1 however1 ended in no mishap4 ,and the only bad effect which the violence of our opponents had on me was1 to increase my hatred1 perhaps1 of the church and its theology4 ,it is not wise in professing ,christians to resort to carnal weapons in defence of their views4 ,in ,december #ahec1 ,i gave a course of lectures in ,philadelphia4 ,i was brought to the city by the ,sunday ,institute4 ,the object of the lectures was to show1 that the ,bible was of human origin1 that its teachings were not of divine authority1 and that the doctrine of its absolute perfection was injurious in its tendency4 ,the room in which ,i lectured was crowded1 and the audience was much excited4 ,i stated1 in opening1 that ,i had nothing to say against anything that was true and good in the ,bible1--that virtue was essential to man's happiness1 and that ,i had no sympathy with those who rejected the ,bible because it rebuked their vices4 ,i was sincere in these remarks2 but my older infidel friends1 ,i found1 regarded them as intended to deceive the unwary4 ,many of them were grossly immoral1 and hated the ,bible for its hostility to their evil ways4 ,after each lecture discussion followed4 ,but the ability of my opponents was not equal to their zeal4 ,they were often ignorant of both sides of the question1 and injured the cause they sought to aid4 ,these lectures led to a public discussion between me and ,dr4 ,mc,calla1 a ,presbyterian clergyman4 ,it was to continue five nights1 but ended on the fourth4 ,we met first in the ,chinese ,assembly ,room2 but the place proving too small for the crowds which were anxious to hear the debate1 we adjourned to the large hall4 ,dr4 ,mc,calla was very abusive4 ,he was so intent on calling me bad names1 and on saying savage and provoking things1 that he forgot his argument4 ,i kept to the subject4 ,i neither abused my opponent1 nor spent my time in answering his abuse of me4 ,i reproved him once or twice1 telling him how unseemly it was in an old man1 professing to be a disciple and a minister of ,jesus1 to show such a spiteful disposition1 and to utter such offensive words2 and then went on with my argument4 ,the third night my opponent seemed to be losing his reason4 ,on the fourth night he was literally mad4 ,loss of sleep1 rage1 and mortification1 seemed to have brought on fever of the brain1 and he was really insane4 ,his friends were terribly put about4 ,many of them were furious1 and were plainly bent on violence4 ,a policeman climbed up the back of the platform behind where ,i was sitting and said in my ear3 ',there's mischief brewing3 you had better come with me4 ,step down now while they are looking the other way4' ,i looked for my overcoat and hat1 but they were gone4 ,some one had carried them off1 to prevent me from escaping4 ,a gentleman who had seen a person take them away1 and place them in a distant corner of the room1 seeing what was coming1 went and brought them to me1 and ,i at once slipped over the back of the platform to the floor1 and accompanied the policeman4 ,the crowd1 intent on getting towards the front of the platform1 had left a vacant space near the wall1 and ,i and the policeman got nearly to the door of the hall before we were observed4 ,but just as we were passing out a cry arose1 ',he's off6 ,he's off6' and a maddened crowd prepared for pursuit4 ,when we got into the street the policeman said hurriedly1 ',which is the way to your lodgings8' ',that1' said ,i1 pointing south4 ',then come this way1' said he1 'quick2' and he pulled me north4 ,this probably saved my life4 ,the mob knew which way my lodgings lay1 and as soon as they got out of the hall1 they hurried south1 like a pack of hounds1 roaring and furious4 ,i was soon half a mile away in the other direction4 ',where shall ,i take you8' said the policeman4 ',do you know any one hereabouts8' ',take me to ,mr4 ,mott's1' said ,i1 'in ,arch ,street4' ,we were there in a few moments1 and as the door opened to receive me1 the policeman received his gratuity1 and hastened away4 ,in fifteen minutes there was a noise in the street4 ,mr4 ,mott opened the door and looked out1 when a brickbat passed just by his head1 and broke itself to pieces on the door-post1 leaving its mark on the marble4 ,he had a narrow escape4 ,he closed the door1 and after awhile the mob dispersed1 and all was quiet4 ,thus ended the discussion with ,dr4 ,mc,calla4 ,one would have thought that after such an experience as this1 ,i should have taken care to keep out of debates on such an exciting subject4 ,but ,i was daring to madness4 ,i was engaged again in discussion on the same subject1 in the same city1 in less than a month4 ,the clergy of ,philadelphia1 unwilling to leave the cause of the ,bible in this plight1 demanded that ,i should discuss the question with ,dr4 ,berg1 a minister in whom they had great confidence4 ,i yielded to the demand1 and the discussion took place in ,concert ,hall1 in ,january1 #ahed4 ,the hall was crowded every night4 ,one very wet and stormy night1 the number present was only #bjjj1 but every other night it was from #bbej to #bdjj4 ,a ,philadelphia newspaper of that period says1 ,we cannot forbear to notice the contrast in the manner and bearing of the two disputants4 ,mr4 ,barker uniformly bore himself as a gentleman1 courteously and respectfully towards his opponent1 and with the dignity becoming his position1 and the solemnity and importance of the question4 ,we regret we cannot say the same of ,dr4 ,berg1 who at times seemed to forget the obligations of the gentleman1 in his zeal as a controversialist4 ,he is an able and skilful debater1 though less logical than ,mr4 ,barker2 but he wasted his time and strength too often on personalities and irrelevant matters4 ,his personal inuendoes and offensive epithets1 his coarse witticisms and arrogant bearing1 may have suited the vulgar and intolerant among his party1 but they won him no respect from the calm and thinking portion of the audience2 while we know that they grieved and offended some intelligent and candid men who thoroughly agreed with his views4 ,it is time that ,christians and clergymen had learned that men whom they regard as heretics and infidels have not forfeited all claims to the respect and courtesies of social life by their errors of opinion1 and that insolence and arrogance1 contemptuous sneers and impeachment of motives and character towards such men1 are not effective means of grace for their enlightenment and conversion4 ,there was a large number of men among the audience who lost their self-control in their dislike of ,mr4 ,barker's views1 and he was often interrupted1 and sometimes checked in his argument1 by hisses1 groans1 sneers1 vulgar cries1 and clamors1 though through all these annoyances and repeated provocations1 he maintained his wonted composure of manner and his clearness of thought4 ,on the other hand1 ,dr4 ,berg was heard with general quiet by his opponents1 and greeted with clamorous applause by his friends4 ,i am afraid the above remarks were true4 ,still1 ,dr4 ,berg was almost a gentleman compared with ,dr4 ,mc,calla1 and he was vastly more of a scholar and debater1 far as he was from being a model disputant4 ,dr4 ,berg had the right side2 he stood for the defence of all that was good1 and true1 and great1 and glorious2 but the way in which he went about his work was by no means the best one4 ,he took a wrong position1--a position which it was impossible for him to maintain4 ,his doctrine was that the ,bible was absolutely perfect1--that the inspiration of the ,book was such as not only to make it a fit and proper instrument for the religious instruction1 and the moral and spiritual renovation1 of mankind1 but such as to preserve it from all the innocent1 harmless1 and unimportant weaknesses1 imperfections1 and errors of regenerate and sanctified humanity4 ,he even contended for a kind or a degree of perfection which many of the most highly esteemed professors and theologians of orthodox churches had relinquished4 ,he held to views about the creation and the universality of the deluge1 which orthodox ,christian ,geologists like ,professor ,hitchcock of ,america1 as well as ,dr4 ,pye ,smith of ,england1 had given up as untenable4 ,he contended for a perfection which1 in fact1 is physically impossible1 and which1 in truth1 was inconsistent with his own acknowledgments in other parts of the discussion4 ,i have no wish to disparage my opponent2 ,i had rather do the contrary2 but he did not properly and adequately understand the great question which he undertook to discuss4 ,hence he got involved in inextricable difficulties1 and1 in spite of all he could do1 his attempted defence of the ,bible was1 to a great extent1 a failure4 ,he said a many good things about the ,bible4 ,he proved a many things in its favor4 ,he made the impression1 at times1 that there was something in its teachings of a most powerful and blessed tendency2 that it was a book of infinite value1--that it was a wonderful teacher and a mighty comforter1--that it had done a vast amount of good1 and was calculated to do a vast amount more1--that it was a friend and patron of all things good and glorious1--that it was the nurse of individual and national virtue1 and the source of personal1 domestic1 and national happiness4 ,he said many good things about the excellency of ,christ's precepts1 and the beauty and glory of ,his example4 ,a hundred good things he said1 both in favor of the ,bible1 and in opposition to infidelity4 ,but the one great point which he had pledged himself to prove he did not prove4 ,it could not be proved4 ,it was not true4 ,so that though he won a substantial victory2 he sustained a logical defeat4 ,and if he had been twenty times more learned1 and twenty times more able than he was1 he would have been defeated4 ,if a man attempts the impossible1 failure is inevitable2 and if he has a skilful1 wary1 and able opponent1 his failure will be seen and felt1 even by his most ardent friends1 and greatest admirers4 ,and so it was in the case of ,dr4 ,berg4 ,but the error was not his alone2 it was the error of his friends2 the error of his patrons2 the error of his times4 ,what learning1 and talent1 and zeal1 and skill in debate1 considerably above the average of his profession1 could do1 he did2 and that was a good deal3 and his failure was chargeable not on himself1 so much as on the faulty theology of the school in which he had been trained1 and to which he still belonged4 ,so far as the general merits of the ,bible were concerned1 ,i was in the wrong4 ,but the fact was not made so plain1 so palpable to the audience1 as it should have been1 and as it might have been1 if ,i had had a wiser1 a warier1 and an abler opponent1 and one who had no false theory of ,bible inspiration or abstract perfection to defend4 ,a man thoroughly furnished for the work1 and free from foolish and unauthorized theories1 would have been able to give proof of the substantial truth and divinity of the ,scriptures1 and of their transcendent moral and spiritual excellence1 absolutely overwhelming2 and ,i do most heartily wish ,i had had the happiness to encounter such an advocate in my discussions4 ,it might have proved an infinite advantage to me1 and an incalculable blessing to my friends4 ,as it was1 the debate only tended to strengthen me in my unbelief1 and to increase my confidence in future controversies with the clergy4 ,how ,i answered my own arguments1 and got over my own objections1 when on my way back to ,christianity1 ,i may state hereafter4 ,all ,i need say here is1 that ,i took a qualified view of the divine authority of the ,bible1 and of the doctrine of its divine inspiration1--a view in accordance with facts1 and with the teachings of ,scripture itself on the subject4 ,this view did not require me to demand in a book of divine origin the kind of abstract or absolute perfection which ,dr4 ,berg required1 and which he so rashly undertook to prove4 ,on the contrary1 it taught me to look for a thousand innocent and unimportant errors and imperfections in the ,bible4 ,a thousand things which would1 if proved1 have been regarded by ,dr4 ,berg as valid objections to the doctrine of its superhuman authority and divine authority1 were no objections at all to me4 ,i could acknowledge the truth of them all1 and yet believe in the substantial truth and divinity of the ,book as a whole4 ,the dust and mud of our streets and roads1 and the decaying timbers and rotting grasses of our forests and farms do not make me question the divine origin and the substantial perfection of the world3 nor do the errors and imperfections of ancient transcribers or modern translators1 or the want of absolute scientific1 historical1 chronological1 literary1 theological or moral perfection even in the original authors of the ,bible1 make me doubt its divine origin and inspiration1 or its practical and substantial perfection4 ,you may show me ten thousand things in the earth which1 to multitudes1 would seem inconsistent with the doctrine that it is the work of an all-perfect ,creator2 but they would not be inconsistent with that doctrine in my view4 ,they would probably seem1 to my mind1 proofs of its truth4 ,things which1 to men who had not properly studied them1 appeared serious defects1 or results of ,adam's sin1 would be seen by me to be important excellencies2 masterpieces of infinite wisdom and goodness4 ,many of the things ,i said about the ,bible in my debate with ,dr4 ,berg were true2 but they amounted to nothing4 ,dr4 ,berg thought they were serious charges1 and that if they were not refuted1 they would destroy the credit and power of the ,book4 ,he was mistaken4 ,and he never did refute them4 ,if ,i were in the place of ,dr4 ,berg1 and an opponent were to bring forward those things in proof that the ,bible was not of ,god1 ,i should say1 ,your statements may be true1 or they may be false1 and ,i do not care much which they are2 but they are good for nothing as disproofs of the divine origin and practical perfection of the ,bible4 ,the ,bible is all it professes to be1 and it is more and better than its greatest admirers suppose it to be1 notwithstanding its numberless traces of innocent human imperfections4 ,the sun has spots1 but they neither disprove its value nor its divine origin4 ,the probability is1 that the spots in the sun have their use1 and would be seen1 if properly understood1 to be proofs of the wisdom and goodness of the ,creator4 ,and it is certainly plain to me1 that what you regard us defects in the ,bible1 are proofs both of its divine origin1 and of its real perfection4 ,i said some things about the ,bible in my debate with ,dr4 ,berg1 which1 if they had been true1 would have proved that the ,bible was not of divine origin4 ,but they were not true4 ,all these things should have been refuted by ,dr4 ,berg with great promptness1 and refuted so thoroughly and plainly1 that every one should have been made to see and feel that they were refuted4 ,but they were not4 ,some of them were left unnoticed4 ,others were handled unskilfully4 ,the time and strength that should have been given to them were wasted on trifles1 or unwisely spent in offensive personalities1 unseasonable witticisms1 or attempts at fine speaking4 ,the objections of this class1 which my opponent failed to answer1 or answered unsatisfactorily1 we may notice further on4 ,in ,january1 #ahee1 while over on business1 ,i had a public debate at ,halifax1 ,england1 with ,brewin ,grant1 a congregational minister4 ,this1 so far as its impression on my own mind was concerned1 was the most unfortunate discussion ,i ever had4 ,my opponent was the meanest and most unprincipled or ill-principled man ,i ever met4 ,in a pamphlet which he had published1 giving instructions to those who were called to defend the ,bible and ,christianity against unbelievers1 he had laid it down as a rule1 that their first object should be to destroy the influence of their opponents1 and that in order to do this1 they should do their utmost to damage their reputation1 and make them odious4 ,he acted on this principle1 in his debate with me1 with the greatest fidelity4 ,he raked together1 and gave forth in his speeches1 all the foolish and wicked stories which my old persecutors had fabricated and spread abroad respecting me1 except those about my having committed suicide1 and being smothered to death1 and some others which were so notoriously false that they could no longer be used to my disadvantage4 ,those stories he improved by making them worse4 ,he made a number of new ones also4 ,i had published a book1 giving the story of my life up to the time of my expulsion from the ,methodist ,new ,connexion4 ,this work1 like my other works1 was written in the clearest and simplest style1 so that no man with ordinary abilities could fail to understand it1 and no man without powers of perversion bordering on the miraculous1 could give to any part of it an objectionable meaning4 ,this book he took1 and read1 and misread1 and interpreted1 and misinterpreted1 so as to make the impression on persons unacquainted with it1 that ,i had written and published the most foolish1 ridiculous1 and in some cases1 really discreditable things of myself1 and even false and unwarrantable statements about others4 ,before the discussion came on he gave a lecture on this book4 ,i went to hear it4 ,he spoke about an hour1 and every quotation from the work1 and every reference he made to it1 was false4 ,there was not a word of truth in the whole lecture4 ,there was not a sentence which was not as opposite to truth and as full of falsehood as he could make it4 ,and the ingenuity he displayed in his task was marvellous4 ,it was really devilish4 ,he enlarged my conception of the evil powers of wicked men1 in the line of turning good into evil1 and truth into lies1 beyond all that ,i could otherwise have imagined4 ,he did a hundred things1 the least of which my poor limited capacity would have deemed impossible4 ,he pursued the same course in the debate4 ,he went as far beyond poor ,mc,calla1 as ,mc,calla had gone beyond ordinary sinners4 ,if ,i had undertaken to correct his misrepresentations1 and expose his fictions1 ,i should not have had one moment to give to the subject we were met to discuss4 ,so ,i did as ,i did with ,mc,calla1 ,i rebuked the man with becoming severity2 ,i contradicted his statements in the plainest and strongest way ,i could2 ,i also offered to arrange for a discussion of personal matters1 if he wished it1 after we had gone through our discussion of principles1 and engaged to prove every discreditable story he told of me to be false1 and then went on with the discussion4 ,he accepted my challenge to discuss personalities1 but neither kept his engagement1 nor abated his efforts at misrepresentation during the remainder of the debate4 ,he was not content with sober1 sad1 deliberate falsehood2 he resorted to ridicule4 ,he pulled comical and ugly faces2 put out his tongue2 put his thumb to his nose2 threw orange peel at me2 and said and did other things which it is not lawful for me to utter4 ,he had thought1 ,i suppose1 to disgust me2 to tire me out2 to make me withdraw from the debate1 and give him the opportunity of saying he had put me to flight4 ,he was mistaken4 ,i kept my ground4 ,and ,i kept my temper4 ,and ,i kept my gravity4 ,i rebuked him at times with becoming sternness1 and then went on with my task4 ,it is probable that ,i spoke more strongly against the ,bible1 and that ,i said harder things against the church and the ministry1 than ,i should have done1 if he had conducted himself with any regard to truth and decency2 but ,i did not raise my voice above its usual pitch1 nor did ,i show any unusual signs of indignation1 disgust1 or irritation4 ,my feelings became more intense1 my language more cutting1 and my style and logic more pointed and forcible2 but my manner was calm1 and my behaviour guarded4 ,and ,i husbanded my strength4 ,i let him explode1 while ,i let off my steam quietly1 and in just measure only1 making every particle do its proper work4 ,i wasted neither words1 nor strength1 nor time4 ,in three or four days my wicked opponent began to get weak and weary4 ,he had tired himself instead of me4 ,he had disgusted and put to shame many of his friends4 ,he had driven away several of his supporters4 ,he had weakened his party4 ,he had strengthened his opponent4 ,he had lost1 he had betrayed1 his cause4 ,he dragged on heavily4 ,he was all but helpless4 ,i had every thing my own way4 ,i had an easy fight1 and a decisive victory4 ,i had the last speech2 and when the battle was over1 ,i felt free to deal with my unprincipled opponent rather severely1 and ,i said3 ,my opponent has acted1 from beginning to end of this debate1 in anything but a noble and manly way4 ,i refer not merely to his personal abuse1 his use of foul names1 his insolence of manner1 his malignity of spirit2 but to the way in which he has misconducted the argument4 ,he was pledged to prove the ,bible of ,divine origin and authority4 ,he was bound to bring out1 as early as possible1 what he thought his strongest arguments1 and afford me an opportunity of meeting them4 ,but he did not do this4 ,to judge from his proceedings1 you would conclude that he had no faith in any of the popular arguments1 such as those employed by ,paley1 ,horne1 c4 ,he sat watching1 like an animal we need not name1 for some stray thought to pounce upon4 ,he tried every device to draw me from the question1 and showed1 not only the greatest reluctance1 but a fixed determination1 not to come any nearer to it himself than he could possibly help4 ,he has shown nothing like courage1 nothing like confidence in the goodness of his cause1 nothing like openness1 candor1 or generosity2 nothing but craft and cunning4 ,he has never fought like a soldier1 but dodged like an assassin4 ,honorable men give up a cause that can't be honorably maintained4 ,for myself1 ye are witnesses1 ,i came out openly1 boldly1 and at once1 and gave my opponent the best opportunity he could have of grappling fairly with my arguments4 ,but he would not meet them4 ,he slunk behind his mud-battery1 and instead of firing shot and shell1 spurted forth filth4 ,by-and-by he took my old deserted battery1 and began to play upon me with my worn-out guns and wooden shot1 till his friends compelled him to give up4 ,he complained that ,i had taken up my position on ,mount ,horeb1 and pattered him with grapeshot from the old ,jewish armory1 and besought and urged me to plant myself on ,mount ,tabor1 or the ,mount of ,olives1 and try what ,i could do with ,christian ammunition4 ,i did so2 but even that did not please him4 ,he stared and squalled1 as if it had been raining red-hot shot1 as thick as it once poured hailstones and fire in ,egypt1 killing every beast that was out in the fields4 ,and thus he has gone on4 ,he never seems to have been satisfied1 either with his own position or mine4 ,i might have pleased him1 no doubt1 by giving in before the battle1 and surrendering at discretion2 but that is not my custom4 ,well1 now the battle draws near its close2 and no one1 ,i trust1 has lost anything1 but what is better lost than found4 ,i am satisfied with my own position1 and nearly so with my share of the fight4 ,with a manlier foe1 ,i should have had a pleasanter fight2 but soldiers cannot always choose their antagonists1 nor can they keep1 in all cases1 to their own best mode of warfare4 ,the hunter cannot always find the noblest game2 and perhaps it is better for his neighbour1 if not so pleasant to himself1 that he should sometimes be obliged to employ his dogs and rifles in destroying vermin4 ,i feel that an apology is due from me to you and the public1 for entering the lists with my opponent4 ,it is soon given4 ,when ,i first offered to meet him in discussion on the ,bible1 ,i supposed him to be a well-informed and respectable man1 and the representative of the highest intellectual and moral culture1 combined with superior talent and experience as a debater1 that the orthodox world could boast4 ,i soon found out my mistake1 but ,i did not feel at liberty to withdraw my challenge4 ,when ,i learned the infamous character of his personal lectures1 ,i declined all further correspondence with him till he should retract his slanders2 but still ,i did not feel free to say ,i would not debate with him1 if his friends should bring him to reasonable terms4 ,his friends in ,halifax succeeded in doing so1 and out of regard to the wishes of my friends1 ,i submitted to the temporary degradation of being placed on the same platform with my unprincipled calumniator1 and the calumniator of the best1 the wisest1 and the greatest men of every age and nation4 ,i do not regret having done so4 ,he will leave this discussion a sadder and a wiser man4 ,he has found that the power of insolence1 and falsehood1 and of vulgar1 brutal wit1 has its bounds2 that there are those whom they cannot abash or cow2 that the might in moral encounters is with the right4 ,i part with my opponent without malice1 though without regret4 ,if he has natural characteristics which others have not1 and lacks some higher qualities which others have1 the fault is not entirely his4 ,he did not make himself4 ,nor did he nurse1 or rear1 or train himself4 ,he is the production1 and his character may1 to a great extent1 be the production1 of influences over which he had no control4 ,i shall not therefore state all ,i have felt while listening to the false and fierce personalities with which this discussion has been disgraced4 ,i will rather acknowledge my own errors1 and lament that anything he has said or done should have been permitted1 in any case1 to affect my own style of advocacy1 and render me less gentle or guarded in my utterances than ,i otherwise might have been4 ,i retract every expression of unkindness or resentment4 ,i apologize for everything harsh1 offensive1 or ungraceful in my manner2 and ,i am sorry ,i could not declare and advocate my views1 without shocking or distressing some of your minds4 ,and now1 with best and heartiest wishes for your welfare1 and for the welfare of mankind at large1 and in the fall and certain hope of the final1 universal1 and eternal triumph of the truth1 and in the ultimate regeneration and salvation of our race1 ,i bid you all farewell4 ,this man purchased the copyright of the debate1 and pledged himself to issue a correct edition1 in accordance with the notes of the reporter4 ,instead of doing so1 besides making unlimited alterations in his own speeches1 he altered every speech of mine4 ,some things he left out4 ,in one case1 to prevent an exposure of one of his more reckless mis-statements1 he left out two pages of one of my speeches4 ,by a free and artful use of italics1 and an abuse of stops1 he altered and perverted the meaning of quite a multitude of my statements4 ,and when1 after all1 he found that the publication damaged him terribly in the estimation of his friends1 he suppressed it altogether4 ,the conduct of this opponent had a bad effect on my mind1 and if anything short of sound reason could have kept me in the ranks of infidelity1 it would have been the shameless1 the outrageous conduct of such pretenders to ,christianity as this bad man4 ,but ,i thank ,god1 such horrible and inexcusable inconsistency was not allowed to decide my fate4 ,better powers1 sweeter and happier influences1 were brought into play to counteract its deadly tendency4 ,and even other opponents1 of a worthier character and of a higher order1 came in my way1 who1 by their ,christian temper1 and high culture1 and by their regard for my feelings1 and their manifest desire for my welfare1 obliterated the bad impressions produced by the unscrupulous and malignant conduct of ,brewin ,grant1 and all but won me over to the cause of ,christ4 ,it happened that while ,i was yet in ,england1 an arrangement was made for a public discussion between me and ,colonel ,michael ,shaw1 of ,bourtree ,park1 ,ayr4 ,colonel ,shaw was a kind of lay minister1 who preached the ,gospel gratuitously1 and spent his time and property in doing good4 ,he was a ,christian and a gentleman out and out2 a ,christian and a gentleman of the highest order4 ,five such men might have saved ,sodom and ,gomorrah1 and all the cities of the plain4 ,he was as guileless as a little child1 and as honest as the light1 and about as pure1 and good1 and kind as a regenerated human soul could be4 ,this1 at least1 was the impression which his looks1 and conversation1 and behaviour1 made on my mind4 ,he not only commanded my respect1 but called forth my veneration2 and he made me love him1 as ,i never did love more than two or three good men in all my life4 ,well1 an arrangement was made for a public discussion on the divine authority of the ,bible between this good and godly man and me4 ,the discussion took place in the ,city ,hall1 ,glasgow4 ,the ,colonel was so kind and gentlemanly1 that ,i found my task exceedingly difficult4 ,it was very unpleasant to speak lightly of the faith of so good and true a man2 or to say anything calculated to hurt the feelings of one so guileless and so affectionate4 ,and many a time ,i wished myself employed about some other business1 or engaged in a contest with some other man4 ,at the end of the second night's debate we were to rest two days1 and the ,colonel was so kind as to invite me1 and even to press me1 to spend those days with him at his residence near ,ayr4 ,the ,colonel had given his good lady so favorable an account of my behaviour in the debate1 that she wrote to me enforcing her good husband's invitation4 ,i went4 ,i could do no other4 ,the ,colonel and his venerable father met me at the station with a carriage1 and ,i was soon in the midst of the ,colonel's truly ,christian and happy family4 ,neither the ,colonel nor any of his household attempted to draw me into controversy4 ,not a word was spoken that was calculated to make me feel uneasy4 ,there seemed no effort on the part of any one1 yet every thing was said and done in such a way as to make me feel myself perfectly at home4 ,love1 true ,christian love1 under the guidance of the highest culture1 was the moving spirit in the ,colonel's family circle4 ,a visit to the birthplace of ,burns1 and to the banks of ,bonny ,doon1 was proposed1 and a most delightful stroll we had1 made all the more pleasant by the ,colonel's remarks on the various objects of interest that came in view1 and his apt quotation of passages from the works of the poet1 referring to the scenery amidst which we were moving4 ,on our return home ,i was made to feel at ease again with regard to every thing but myself4 ,i felt sorry that ,i should be at variance with my kind and accomplished host on a subject of so much interest and importance as religion and the ,bible4 ,the thought that on the evening of the coming day ,i should have to appear on the platform again as his opponent1 was really annoying4 ,to talk with such a man privately1 in a free and friendly way1 seemed proper enough2 but to appear in public as his antagonist seemed too bad4 ,when we started from ,ayr to ,glasgow in the same train1 and in the same carriage1 ,i felt as if ,i would much rather have travelled in some other direction1 or on a different errand4 ,but an agreement had been made1 and it must be kept2 so two more nights were spent in discussion4 ,but it was discussion1--fair and friendly discussion1--and not quarrelling4 ,neither he nor ,i gave utterance to an unkind or reproachful word4 ,when the discussion was over1 the ,colonel shook me by the hand in a most hearty manner in the presence of an excited audience1 and presented me with a book as an expression of his respect and good feeling4 ,i made the best returns ,i could1 unwilling to be too much outdone by my gallant and ,christian friend4 ,the audience1 divided as they were on matters of religion1 after gazing some time on the spectacle presented on the platform1 as if at loss what to do1 or which of the disputants they should applaud1 dropped their differences1 and all united in applauding both1 and the disputants and the audience separated with the heartiest demonstrations of satisfaction and mutual good-will4 ,the events of those days1 and the impression ,i received of my opponent's exalted character1 never faded from my memory4 ,and though they had not all the effect they ought to have had1 their influence on my mind was truly salutary4 ,i have never thought of ,colonel ,shaw and his good1 kind1 ,christian family1 without affection1 gratitude1 and delight4 ,he wrote to me repeatedly after my return to ,america1 and his letters1 which reached us when we were living among the wilds of ,nebraska1 were among our pleasantest visitants1 and must be reckoned among the means of my recovery from the horrors of unbelief4 ,i cannot doubt but that my encounter with this blessed man did much towards winning back my soul to ,god1 and ,christ1 and the ,church4 ,this gracious man1--this child of light and love1--is still living1 and he continues1 when ,i give him the opportunity1 to testify his love for me1 and his good wishes for my health and welfare4 ,god bless his soul2 and bless his household2 and1 after having given them a long and happy life on earth1 receive them to ,his kingdom1 to share together the riches of ,his love for ever and ever4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,continuation ,,of ,,my ,,story4 ,,fresh ,,troubles4 ,a ,,change ,,for ,,the ,,better4 ,,how ,,brought ,,about4 ,,incidents4 ,,the ,,change ,,complete ,,at ,,length4 ,,its ,,results4 ,in compliance with the request of some skeptical neighbours1 ,i lectured against the ,divine authority of the ,bible in my first settlement in ,ohio4 ,mr4 ,spofforth1 a ,methodist minister was induced to hold a public discussion with me on the subject1 and as he was not well acquainted either with his own side of the question or the other1 he was soon embarrassed and confounded1 and obliged to retire from the contest4 ,not content with the retirement of my opponent1 ,i announced another course of lectures on the ,bible1 resolved not to relinquish my hold of the people's attention1 till ,i had laid before them my thoughts on the exciting subject at greater length4 ,the company listened to me for a time with great patience1 but while ,i was giving my last lecture1 some young men set to work outside to pull down the log school-house in which ,i was speaking1 and ,i and my friends had to make haste out before the lecture was over1 to avoid being buried before we were dead4 ,the young men had provided themselves plentifully with rotten eggs1 thinking to pelt me on my way home2 but the night was very dark1 and the way led through a tall1 dense1 shadowy forest1 and somehow they mistook their own father for me1 and gave him the eggs4 ,when he got home he was as slimy and odoriferous as a man need to be2 while ,i was perfectly clean and sweet4 ,but ,i was not to be permitted to escape in this way4 ,during the night they pulled down the fences of my farm1 and gave me other hints1 that ,i must leave1 or do worse4 ,so ,i sold my farm for what ,i could get1 and bought another some seventy miles away1 near ,salem1 ,columbiana ,county1 a region occupied chiefly by what1 in ,america1 were called ,come-outers--people who had left the churches and the ministry1 and even separated themselves from civil organizations1 resolved to be subject to no authority but their own wills or their own whims4 ,among people so free as those1 ,i thought ,i should have liberty plenty2 but ,i soon found that they were so fond of freedom1 that they wanted my share as well as their own1 and ,i got into trouble once more4 ,and then ,i saw that the greatest brawlers about liberty1 when they come to be tried1 are often the most arrant despots and tyrants on the face of the earth4 ,then the people in the district were not all ,come-outers4 ,some were ,christians4 ,and these ,i provoked by my disregard of the ,sabbath1 and by my advocacy of views unfriendly to religion and the divine authority of the ,bible4 ,i worked in my garden or on my farm on a ,sunday1 in sight of my neighbors as they went to church4 ,i had previously called a ,bible convention in the place1 and taken the leading part in its proceedings4 ,i took the skeptical side in a public discussion on ,christianity in the town1 and gave utterance to sentiments which pained the hearts of the religious portion of my neighbors beyond endurance4 ,the consequence was1 ,i got into trouble again1 and had to move once more1 or be undone4 ,so ,i moved once more4 ,this time ,i resolved to make sure of a quiet home1 so ,i went right away beyond the limits of the ,states1 into the unpeopled territory of ,nebraska1 a country at that period ten or twelve times as large as ,pennsylvania or ,england1 and containing less than five thousand white inhabitants--an immense wilderness1 occupied chiefly by tribes of red ,indians1 herds of buffalo and deer1 countless multitudes of wolves1 with here and there a bear1 a panther1 or a catamount1 and heaps of rattlesnakes4 ,and here ,i thought ,i should be safe4 ,and so ,i was4 ,the ,indians gave me no trouble4 ,i always treated them kindly1 and they were kind to me in return4 ,as for the wild beasts1 ,god has put the fear and dread of man upon every beast of the earth2 and as he approaches1 they retire4 ,as a rule1 the fiercest beasts of the forest will turn aside to make way for man4 ,i have lived in the midst of multitudes of wolves1 and taken no harm4 ,i have slept on the open prairie in regions swarming with wolves1 and never been disturbed4 ,i have travelled by night in other parts of the country1 over the wildest mountains1 the homes of panthers1 bears1 and catamounts1 and never been molested4 ,the rattlesnakes were the most dangerous creatures4 ,yet even from them ,i took no harm1 ,i have walked among them time after time in slippers or low shoes1 yet ,i never was bitten4 ,i slept once for three nights with a rattlesnake within two or three inches of my breast1 yet escaped unhurt4 ,god took care of me1 when ,i neither took due care of myself1 nor cared as ,i ought for ,him4 ,the parties ,i feared the most were the white people4 ,they had heard of me1 and as they passed me in the street1 they looked at me askance1 regarding me apparently as a mystery or a monster4 ,but ,i never shocked them by skeptical lectures1 or by any other act of hostility to religion1 so they bore with me1 and came at length to treat me with respect and confidence4 ,my wife and family were regarded with favor from the first4 ,and ,i shall never forget the kindness of one of our ,christian neighbors to my wife1 in a time of affliction and sorrow4 ,and it is from my settlement in this desolate and far-off region1 that ,i date the commencement of a change for the better in the state of my mind4 ,i do not say that my opinions began to change1 but the state of my feelings got better1 which rendered possible a change for the better in my sentiments4 ,but ,i had reached a sad extreme4 ,i had lost all trust in a ,fatherly ,god1 and all good hope of a better life4 ,i had come near to the horrors of utter ,atheism4 ,and the universe had become an appalling and inexplicable mystery4 ,and the world had come to be a dreary habitation2 and life a weary affair2 and many a time ,i wished ,i had never been born4 ,and there were occasions when the dark suggestion came1 ,life is a burden2 throw it down4 ,but ,i said2 ,nay2 there are my wife and children3 ,i will live for their sakes if for nothing else4 ,and for their sakes ,i did live1 thank ,god1 till ,i had something else to live for4 ,if ,i were asked what first gave a check to my skepticism1 and led me to turn my face once more towards ,christ and ,christianity1 ,i should say1 ,the answer is supplied by my story4 ,as ,i have shown1 it was the troubled state of my mind1--the tempest of unhappy feeling1 and the whirlwind of excitement in which ,i had lived so long1--that had most to do in carrying me away from ,christ2 and now my mind was allowed to be at rest4 ,the whirlwind of excitement had spent its fury4 ,the tempest in my soul had subsided1 so that the principal hindrance to my return was gone4 ,there were other causes that had contributed to the destruction of my faith in ,christ and ,christianity1 but this was the first and chief one1 and the one which gave the principal part of their force to the rest4 ,as ,i have shown1 ,i had been taught things about the ,scriptures that were not correct4 ,i had found a number of the arguments used by divines in support of the divinity of the ,scriptures to be unsound4 ,i had detected pious frauds in the writings of some of the advocates of the ,bible and ,christianity4 ,i had met with untenable views on the inspiration and infallibility of the ,scriptures4 ,i had1 besides1 adopted a defective method of reasoning on religious matters1 which exerted an injurious influence on my mind4 ,all these things1 and many others which ,i cannot at present mention1 had proved occasions of doubt and unbelief4 ,but the probability is1 that none of these things would have destroyed my faith in ,christ1 if ,i had been in a proper state of mind4 ,there was nothing in them to justify unbelief to a mind unprejudiced1 undistempered1 calm4 ,there was attractiveness enough in ,christ1 if the mists which passion had thrown around ,him1 to hide ,his worth and glory from my view1 could be cleared away4 ,and there was truth and goodness enough in ,christianity1 and there were evidences sufficient of its divinity1 if one could have the films removed from one's eyes1 and be permitted to behold it in its own sweet light4 ,the great difficulty was in the disordered state of my mind1 and the trying nature of my situation4 ,what was wanted1 therefore1 to make it possible for me to return to my former faith1 was not so much an explanation of particular difficulties1 as a better1 happier1 calmer state of mind4 ,explanations of difficulties were desirable1 but they were not the first or principal things required4 ,the great1 the one thing needful1 at the outset1 was a fitting state of mind1--a mind sufficiently free from irritation1 painful excitement1 and consequent unhappy bias1 to enable me to do justice to the religion of ,christ4 ,and the circumstances in which ,i was placed in ,nebraska were calculated to bring me to this desirable state of mind2 and many things which befel me there were calculated to stimulate my return to ,christ4 #a4 ,in the first place1 ,i was in a region favorable to calm and serious thought4 ,true1 we were infected for a time with the fever of speculation so prevalent in new countries2 and we shared the hardships and toils1 the cares and anxieties1 of a border life3 but there were seasons when serious thought and salutary reflection were inevitable4 ,i was often alone amid the quiet and solemnity of a boundless wilderness4 ,the busy world of men was far away4 ,there was no one near to foster doubt or unbelief1 or to reopen or irritate afresh the closing wounds inflicted by bigotry and intolerance in days gone by4 ,and the loneliness of my condition seemed to bring me nearer to ,god4 ,it allowed the revival of those ,godward-tending instincts implanted in man's heart by the hand of the ,creator4 ,it favored the resurrection to life of the natural religious affections1 and the revival of those holy longings and aspirations after a higher life and a grander destiny than earth can give1 which arise so spontaneously in the breasts of men4 ,it allowed the better self to rise and assert its power1 while it shamed the evil self into the shade4 ,and often1 when away beyond the sight of man or of human habitation1 amidst the eternal silence and the boundless solitude1 ,i had strange thoughts and strange feelings2 and there were times when1 if ,i had yielded to the impulses from within1 ,i should have cast myself down upon the ground1 and adored the ,great ,mysterious ,infinite4 ,on one occasion ,i went1 in company with my youngest son and a friend1 some distance into the interior of the country4 ,at one point we came upon a deserted and decaying ,indian village1 and then upon an ,indian track across the desert4 ,a little further on we struck a ,mormon track1 along which a company of the ,latter-day saints had groped their way towards their promised ,paradise in the ,salt ,lake ,valley4 ,as we followed the track we came upon a mound1 and then upon another1 marking the spots where worn-out travellers had ended their weary pilgrimages1 and been consigned1 amid the desolate wilds1 to their final resting places4 ,into one of these unprotected graves the wolves had made their way1 to feed upon the fallen victim of the new faith4 ,when night came on it found us in these dreary and desolate wilds1 and there we had to prepare to pass the night under the open sky1 with multitudes of wolves around us4 ,we had hardly spread our blankets when the sky was covered with black and heavy clouds1 and lightnings flashed1 and thunders roared1 and everything betokened a night of storm and rain4 ,we protected ourselves against the threatening elements as well as we could1 and prepared ourselves for cold and drenching showers1 and for a sleepless and troubled night1 when1 happily for us1 the wind suddenly changed1 and dissipated the clouds4 ,the stars came out in all their glory1 and the night was calm and bright1 and all we had to try our patience was a little frost4 ,and there ,i slept2 and there ,i often awoke2 and in my intervals of wakefulness ,i gazed on the magnificence of the outspread skies1 and mused on the dreariness of the surrounding wilderness1 and thought of the stirring scenes through which ,i had passed in days gone by1 and of the strange and death-like silent one in which ,i then was placed4 ,and what will the future be8 said ,i4 ,and here is my son2 in the spring of life2 on adventures so strange2 in a universe so vast and so mysterious2 what will be his destiny8 ,and what will be the destiny of the dear ones we have left behind8 ,and then ,i lost myself in a world of strange imaginings4 ,when wearied with my restless musings1 ,i sank to rest again1 and passed from waking into sleeping dreams4 ,morning broke at length1 and we arose1 and started on our journey4 ,the deer were skipping gaily over the plains4 ,the wolves were hiding in their holes4 ,we came at length to a stream4 ,it was skirted by a grove1 into which we made our way1 and there we kindled a fire1 and prepared our breakfast4 ,we filled our coffee kettle from the brook4 ,a hazel twig served us for a toasting fork2 and we were soon engaged in one of the pleasantest parts of a hungry traveller's work4 ,we relished our bread and ham and coffee amazingly4 ,the wolves might be snuffing the odor of our viands1 and coveting our repast2 but they remained within their hiding-places1 and kept silent2 and we finished our meal in peace4 ,we rested next on the outskirts of a grove on the banks of the ,elkhorn river4 ,here ,i was left to take care of the stuff1 to prepare a bed1 and to gather wood for a fire to cook our supper1 and to frighten away the wolves1 and keep us warm through the night1 ,i gathered a quantity of dry and withered grass1 and spread it on the ground1 and covered it with a blanket1 for a bed4 ,i then looked around for wood4 ,i saw some down in a dark deep gully1 and went to fetch it2 when ,i found myself all alone and unarmed in front of a hideous wolf-hole4 ,i retreated with all the haste ,i could1 and was soon on the top of the bank again1 panting and trembling1 and endeavoring to increase the distance between myself and the horrible den as rapidly as ,i could4 ,i next looked round for wood on safer ground1 and having collected a quantity1 ,i waited with anxiety for the return of my companions4 ,we slept that night in a half-built and deserted log cabin1 without doors or windows1 put up by some adventurous border-man to secure a claim to a portion of the surrounding land4 ,a considerable part of the cabin was without roof4 ,and there were large spaces between the layers of logs through which the frosty winds had free admission4 ,for a time we deliberated whether we should be colder inside the cabin or outside4 ,at length we decided in favor of the interior4 ,we then took the wagon body off the frame and carried it into the cabin1 and raised it on one side to screen us from the wind which came through the cabin walls4 ,against the wall at our head we fixed up rugs4 ,at our feet1 between our bed and the open doorway1 we had our blazing fire4 ,and there we slept4 ,we had prickly sensations in our eyes in the morning1 but they soon passed away4 ,we took no cold1 or none that proved serious at all4 ,and the wolves seemed to keep at a respectable distance4 ,as soon as we had got through our breakfast1 and put our wagon and team in order1 we started homewards4 ,at one point1 as we passed along1 a wolf looked quietly down upon us from the side of a hill just by4 ,a bigger one had passed us as we stood in front of the half-built cabin in which we had passed the night4 ,the region abounded with them1 on every side4 ,while crossing a tract of rich bottom land1 where the dry and withered grass of the previous summer lay thick1 ,i struck a light1 and for an experiment1 set the prairie on fire4 ,the flames blazed forth at once like gunpowder4 ,they spread and roared4 ,the wind rose1 and blew the flames in the direction of our wagon4 ,it was all we could do to get to the wagon and jump in and flee4 ,we had no sooner started the horses than we found that the traces of one of them were loose1 and we had to jump out again to fasten them2 and before we could retake our places the flames were almost at our ears4 ,the horses fled1 however1 at a good quick pace1 and speedily carried us beyond the reach of danger1 and we got safe home4 #b4 ,there were many things in my new situation and in my strange way of life1 besides the silence and the solitude of a boundless desert1 that were calculated to awaken within me solemn feeling1 and to rouse me to serious thoughtfulness on things pertaining to ,god and religion4 ,and when once my mind had begun to awake to such matters1 it was never permitted to sink again1 for any length of time1 into its former death-like slumber4 ,and many things befel me that tended to make me feel1 and feel most painfully at times1 the helplessness and cheerlessness1 the gloom and wretchedness1 of the man who has lost his trust in ,god1 and his hope of a blessed immortality4 ,there is nothing in utter doubt and unbelief to satisfy a man with a heart4 ,a man with a heart wants a ,father in whose bosom he can repose1 a ,saviour in whose care and sympathy he can trust1 and a better world to which he can look forward as his final home and resting-place1 and as the eternal home and resting-place of those who are dear to him4 ,and ,i had a heart4 ,i was not made for infidelity4 ,i never submitted to it willingly1 and ,i never sat easy under its power4 ,i had affections1 cravings1 wants1 which nothing but religion could satisfy4 #c4 ,then trouble came4 ,infidelity is a wretched affair even in prosperity2 but in adversity it is still worse4 ,and adversity overtook me4 ,in the spring of #aheg we had a reasonable income1 from property which we supposed to be of considerable value4 ,a few weeks later a panic came1 and our income fell to nothing2 our property was valueless2 instead of a support it became a burden1 and we had to set to work to get a living by our labor1 at a time when work was hard to be got1 and when wages were down at the lowest point4 ,this was a time of great distress and grievous trial1 and ,i felt the want of consolation most keenly4 ,i could once have said1 ,although the fig tree shall not blossom1 neither shall fruit be on the vines2 the labor of the olive shall fail1 and the fields shall yield no meat2 the flock shall be cut off from the fold1 and there shall be no herd in the stalls2 yet will ,i rejoice in the ,lord1 ,i will joy in the ,god of my salvation4 ,but now ,i had no ,god4 ,the universe had no great ,fatherly ,ruler4 ,the affairs of man were governed by chance1 or by a harsh and grinding necessity2 and all good ground of hope and cheerful trust had given place to doubt1 and gloom1 and cruel uncertainty4 #d4 ,trials of other kinds came4 ,sickness and pain entered our dwelling1 and seized upon one of my family4 ,my youngest son was taken ill4 ,he was racked with excruciating pain4 ,it seemed as if the agony would drive him to distraction1 or cut short his days4 ,and there ,i stood1 watching his agony1 and distracted with his cries1 unable to utter a whisper about a gracious ,providence1 or to offer up a prayer for help or deliverance4 #e4 ,another dear one was afflicted2 and again my heart was torn1 and again my lips were sealed4 ,i could not even say to the suffering one1 ,god bless you4 #f4 ,i was called to attend the funeral of a child4 ,the parents were in great distress1 and ,i was anxious to speak to them a word of comfort2 but doubt and unbelief had left me no such word to speak4 ,i remembered the day when ,i could have said1 ,of such is the kingdom of heaven4 ,they rest in ,jesus1 and are blest1 ,how sweet their slumbers are4 ,but the happy day was gone1 and ,i was dumb in the presence of the mourners4 #g4 ,i was called1 on another occasion1 to visit a friend1 a brother skeptic1 who was sick and likely to die4 ,i had often visited him when he was well1 and we had managed1 on those occasions1 to interest or amuse each other2 but now we were helpless4 ,both were in sorrow1 and neither could console his brother4 ,and there we were1 looking mournfully on each other in the face of death1 speechless and comfortless4 ,i am horrified when ,i think of the dreadful position in which ,i was placed on those solemn occasions4 ,it seemed to me as if ,i had been enchanted all those dreary days by some malignant demon1 and made the sport of his infernal cruelty4 ,my friend1 like myself1 had been a ,christian in his earlier days1 and had rejoiced in the assurance of ,god's love and favor1 and in hopes of future and eternal blessedness2 and now he was passing away in utter cheerlessness and hopelessness4 ,he died1 and ,i followed his remains to the grave4 ,i spoke2 but ,i had no great comforting truths with which to cheer the sad hearts of his weeping kindred4 ,i looked down1 with his disconsolate widow1 and his sorrowing children1 into the dark cold vault1 but could say not a single word of a better life4 ,we sorrowed as those who have no hope4 #h4 ,while ,i was in ,nebraska my mother died4 ,like my father1 who had died some years before1 she had been a ,christian from her early days2 a very happy one2 and she continued a ,christian to the last4 ,she was one of the most affectionate and devoted mothers that ever lived4 ,she had eleven children4 ,the eldest one died when he was twenty-one1 after having spent a number of years1 young as he was1 as an able and useful minister of ,christ4 ,he died a happy death4 ,the remaining ten were all permitted to grow up to manhood and womanhood1 and my mother had the happiness at one time1 an unspeakable happiness to her1 to see them all1 with one exception1 devoted to the service of ,god1 and several of them engaged as preachers of the ,gospel4 ,they were joyful days to her when she could get them all together1 as she sometimes did1 to sing with her the sweet hymns of praise and gratitude1 of hope and rapture1 which had cheered her so often during the years of her pilgrimage4 ,and now she was gone4 ,i had seen her some years before when on a visit to my native land4 ,she know of my skeptical tendencies1 and though she had faith in my desire to be right1 she was afraid lest ,i should miss my way1 and entreated me with all the affectionate tenderness of an anxious mother1 not to allow myself to be carried away from the faith and hope of the ,gospel4 ,do pray1 my dear son1 she said1--,do pray that ,god may lead you in the right path4 ,i want to meet you all in heaven4 ,it would be a dreadful thing if any of you should be found wanting at last4 ,don't forsake ,god4 ,don't leave ,christ4 ,religion is a reality2 a blessed reality4 ,i know it1 ,i feel it1 my dear son4 ,it is the pearl of great price4 ,these were the last words ,i heard from her lips4 ,i listened to them in silence4 ,though ,i was too far gone to be able to sympathize with her remarks as much as ,i ought1 ,i was wishful that she should enjoy all the comfort that her faith could give her4 ,she wept2 she prayed for me2 she kissed me2 and ,i left her1 to see her face no more on earth4 ,i returned to my home in ,america1 and the next thing ,i heard of the dear good creature was1 that she had finished her course4 ,i kept the sad intelligence to myself1 for my heart was too full to allow me to speak of my loss1 even to those who were nearest and dearest to me4 ,i thought of all her love for me from my earliest days2 and of all her labors and sacrifices for my comfort and welfare4 ,i remembered her counsels and her warnings4 ,i remembered her last kind words1 her kiss1 her prayers1 her tears4 ,it seems dreadful2 but unbelief had so chilled my soul1 that ,i could no longer indulge the sweet thought of an immortal life even for the soul of my dear good ,christian mother4 ,i had once had visions of a land of rest1 a paradise of bliss1 and countless crowds of happy souls1 and rapturous songs1 and shouts of praise1 and joyous meetings of loving and long parted friends in realms of endless life and boundless blessedness2 but all were gone4 ,a sullen gloom1 a deathlike stupor1 a horrible and unnatural paralysis of hope had come in place of those sweet visions of celestial glories4 ,my only comfort was1 that though ,i had ceased to believe in the divinity of ,christianity myself1 she had retained her faith1 and had lived and died in the enjoyment of its consolations4 #i4 ,we had a young woman that had lived with us1 with the exception of two short intervals1 all the time we had been in ,america4 ,she had come to regard us as her natural guardians1 and we had come to look on her as one of our family4 ,the second time she left us she caught a fever1 and returned to us in hopes that in her old and quiet home she would soon be well again4 ,we procured her medical aid1 but the fever got worse4 ,the doctor lost hopes1 and it soon began to be evident1 that she was doomed to a speedy death4 ,i attended her during the last sad night of her sufferings4 ,i heard her moanings as her life drew slowly towards a close4 ,i wanted to comfort her1 but ,i had lost the power4 ,i could once have spoken to her of a ,father in heaven1 and of a better world2 but ,i could speak on those subjects no longer4 ,i could once have kneeled by her side and prayed2 but ,i could pray no more4 ,i could neither comfort myself nor my dying charge4 ,she passed away without a word of consolation or a whisper of hope to cheer her as she trod the dark valley of the shadow of death4 ,i stood by1 afflicted and comfortless1 when her lifeless form was committed to its final resting-place1 unable to speak a word of hope or consolation to the sorrowing minds that were gathered around her grave4 ,she was interred on the slope of the hill1 on the opposite side of the stream over against my farm1 within view of the field and the garden in which ,i often worked1 and the lonely dwelling in which ,i frequently slept4 ,and there she lay1 far from her kindred and her native land1 the wild winds moaning over her solitary grave1 and no sweet word about ,god1 or ,christ1 or a better life1 to mark the spot where she slept4 ,and there1 on that quiet farm1 and in that solitary dwelling1 with that one melancholy grave in view1 ,i passed at times the long sad days1 and the still and solemn nights1 in utter loneliness1 gazing on the desolate scenes around1 or feeding on saddening thoughts within1 without hope and without ,god in the world4 ,i sought for comfort in a ,godless and ,christless philosophy1 but sought in vain4 ,i tried to extort from nature some word of consolation1 but not a whisper could ,i obtain4 ,i tried to forge some theory of my own that might lessen the gloom in which ,i was wrapt2 but my efforts were fruitless4 ,the light of life was quenched2 the joy1 the bliss of being was no more4 ,i had forsaken the fountain of living waters1 and nothing remained but broken cisterns that could hold no water4 ,i was wretched2 and1 apart from ,god1 and ,christ1 and immortality1 my wretchedness was incurable2 and the sense of my wretchedness prepared me1 and ultimately constrained me1 to look once more in the direction of the religion that had cheered me in my earlier days4 #aj4 ,i had a great and grievous trial of another kind while in ,nebraska4 ,when we removed to that far-off country1 we left our eldest son in ,ohio to look after our interests there1 and to send off to us what goods we might require in our new home4 ,the river ,ohio1 down which our goods had to be sent1 was low at the time1 and the steamer on which they were placed1 while racing recklessly with another steamer1 struck on a rock and was wrecked4 ,there were over a thousand volumes of my books on board1 the best and principal part of my library2 nearly all my manuscripts too were on board1 and much other property1 amounting in value to twelve or thirteen hundred pounds2 over #f1jjj2 and nearly all was lost1 or irreparably damaged4 ,this however was but a light part of the trial4 ,as soon as my eldest son got news of the wreck1 he hastened to the spot1 to save what portions of our property he could4 ,the weather was hot by day1 and cold by night4 ,both the season and the place were unhealthy1 and by his great anxiety1 and excessive labors1 and continual exposure1 he brought on a violent fever4 ,the first information we received about the matter was that he was dying4 ,when the dreadful tidings reached us we were more than a thousand miles away4 ,i started at once for ,ohio1 and made what haste ,i could to reach my son2 but go what way ,i would1 ,i must be four or five long days on the road1 and four or five long nights4 ,i took my way down the river4 ,for four long days and four long dreary nights ,i travelled1 in doubt all the time whether my child was dead or alive4 ,and all that time ,i was unable to offer up a prayer1 either for my son1 myself1 or the anxious and sorrowing ones ,i had left behind4 ,nor could ,i apply to myself a single consolatory promise of ,scripture4 ,my mad antichristian philosophy had robbed me of all4 ,god and ,his ,providence1 ,christ and ,his sympathy1 heaven and its blessedness1 were all gone1 and nothing was left but the hard blank horrors of inexorable fate4 ,my soul was shut up as in a dungeon1 unable to help itself4 ,it was stretched on a rack1 and tortured with excruciating pain4 ,those four long dreary days and nights were the darkest and most miserable ,i ever passed4 ,but ,god was merciful4 ,i lived to reach the end of my dreadful journey1 and ,he had spared my son4 ,we embraced1--we wept4 ,we were spared--the whole of our family were spared1 thank ,god--for better days1 and for a happier lot4 #aa4 ,there were other events which befell me while ,i was in ,nebraska1 that had a salutary influence on my mind4 ,i was frequently in the greatest danger1 and was as frequently preserved from harm4 ,as ,i have said1 ,i slept three nights with a rattlesnake within three inches of my breast4 ,my eldest son slept repeatedly in the same terrible position2 yet we both escaped unhurt4 ,once ,i was within an inch--within a hair's breadth1 ,i may say--of being killed by the kick of a horse4 ,on another occasion1 when my eldest son was forking hay in the field1 and ,i was piling it on the wagon1 he heard a rattlesnake1 and looked all round upon the ground to find it1 with a view to kill it1 but looked in vain4 ,at length1 turning his eyes upwards1 he saw it writhing and wriggling on one of the prongs of his hayfork1 which he was holding up in the air4 ,he had pierced the deadly creature while forking the hay1 and ,i had taken the hay from the fork with my naked hands1 and escaped unbitten4 ,i had quite a multitude of escapes from deadly peril1 some more remarkable than those ,i have described4 ,and there were times when the thoughts of those wonderful deliverances made me feel1 that there were far more incredible doctrines than that of a watchful and gracious ,providence4 #ab4 ,again4 ,when ,i commenced my career of religious exploration1 ,i expected ,i should get rid of all difficulties1 and that ,i should reach a region at last where all would be light2 where there would be no more harassing or perplexing mysteries4 ,for a time my hopes appeared to get realized4 ,the doctrines of ,calvinism ,i threw away in mass1 and thus got rid of the difficulties connected with predestination1 election and reprobation4 ,the difficulties connected with infinite and absolute fore-knowledge ,i got rid of by modifying and limiting the doctrine4 ,many theological difficulties appeared to arise1 not from the doctrines of ,scripture1 but from anti-christian fictions1 and false theories of ,scripture doctrines4 ,these ,i set aside without much ceremony4 ,but when one difficulty was disposed of1 another made its appearance1 and in some cases several4 ,and when ,i got outside the religion of ,christ1 more difficulties than ever made their appearance1 and difficulties often of a more appalling character4 ,the doctrine of predestination came back in the shape of fate or necessity4 ,all the great difficulties of theology had ugly likenesses in infidel philosophy4 ,instead of reaching a region of unsullied light1 ,i got into one of clouds and darkness4 ,and the further ,i wandered1 the blacker the clouds became1 and the thicker the darkness4 ,the difficulties1 the perplexities1 on the side of unbelief1 were more distressing and embarrassing than those ,i had encountered on the side of ,christianity4 #ac4 ,again4 ,i was frequently tried by the characters of unbelievers4 ,i had read and believed that many of the older unbelievers had been immoral2 but ,i supposed that modern unbelievers were a better class4 ,i had seen a number of statements to that effect in books and newspapers1 some of them proceeding from ,christians1 and even from ,christian ministers4 ,i was disposed to believe that even the older infidels had not been so bad as represented4 ,i knew that ,i had been belied1 and ,i considered it probable that all who had had quarrels or controversies with members of the priesthood1 had been belied in like manner4 ,i believed for a long time1 that the loss of faith in the supernatural origin of ,christianity and the ,bible1 had made me better1 in some respects1 instead of worse4 ,i thought no changes had taken place in my character1 but what1 on the whole1 were improvements4 ,for years after ,i became an unbeliever1 ,i endeavored to practise all the unquestionable virtues inculcated in the ,bible1 and ,i was disposed to believe that modern unbelievers generally did the same4 ,and when ,i lectured against the ,divine authority of the ,bible1 ,i disclaimed1 as ,i have already said1 all sympathy with those who rejected the ,bible because it discountenanced vice4 ,and such was the violence of my anti-religious fanaticism1 that ,i had actually come at one time to believe that infidelity1 in connection with natural science1 was more friendly to virtue than ,christianity4 ,but my faith in this view met with many rude shocks after ,i had been some time in ,america4 ,often when ,i came to be acquainted with the men who invited me to lecture1 ,i was ashamed to be seen standing with them in the streets2 and ,i shrank from the touch of their hand as from pollution4 ,and many a time when ,i had associated with persons for a length of time1 thinking them above suspicion1 ,i was amazed to find1 at length1 that they looked on vicious indulgence as harmless1 and were astonished that any man who had lost his faith in ,christianity1 should have scruples with regard to fornication or adultery4 ,though these painful discoveries did not at once convince me that infidelity was wrong1 and ,christianity right1 they were not without effect4 ,they lessened my respect for the infidel philosophy1 and prepared the way for my return to ,christ4 ,in ,england1 where ,i expected on my return1 to find unbelievers better1 ,i found them worse4 ,i supposed that the ,secularists thought as ,i did with regard to virtue4 ,i thought their object was to advance the temporal interests of mankind1 and never dreamt but that they regarded virtue as the greatest of those interests4 ,and when ,i found first one and then another to be dishonest1 drunken1 licentious1 ,i was disposed to regard them as exceptions to the general rule4 ,to the last2 nay1 for some time after my entire separation from the party1 ,i supposed the profligate1 unprincipled1 abandoned ones to be the few1 and the honest and virtuous ones to be the many4 ,and when at length ,i was convinced past doubt of my mistake1 the effect was terribly painful4 ,but it was salutary4 ,it went far towards convincing me1 that whether religion was founded in truth or not1 it was necessary to the virtue and happiness of mankind4 ,it prepared me and inclined me still further to return to ,christ1 and brought me a step or two nearer to ,his side4 #ad4 ,then again1 the influences of my family were strongly in my favor4 ,i had a wife that always loved me1 and that never ceased to pray4 ,and ,i had children that grew up believers1 to a great extent1 under the shadow of my unbelief4 ,they had suffered1 as ,i have already said1 from the cruel treatment to which they had seen their father subjected3 they had been awfully prejudiced against certain classes of ministers1 if not against ministers generally2 but now their prejudices were well nigh gone4 ,and they had never been embittered against ,christianity4 ,and now they had come to feel strongly in its favor1 and to look on skepticism both as a great error1 and a terrible calamity4 ,my youngest son was something of a genius4 ,he was a clever mathematician1 and an acute logician4 ,and he would say to me sometimes1 when he heard me uttering antichristian sentiments1 ,father1 ,i think you are wrong4 ,i am sure you are wrong on that point2 and if you will listen to me ,i think ,i can convince you that you are4 ,and ,i did listen4 ,i had long been accustomed to regard my children more as friends and companions1 than as inferiors1 and to encourage them to speak to me with all freedom4 ,and they were kind and considerate enough as a rule to use the liberty ,i gave them without abusing it2 so ,i hearkened to their remarks and remonstrances4 ,and there were occasions on which the logic of the child proved mightier than the logic of the father--there were cases in which the father learned lessons of truth1 from those whom he ought to have instructed4 ,my eldest son1 if not so powerful in logic1 was surpassed by none in goodness and tenderness2 and if his brother excelled him in acuteness and caution1 no one could excel him in devout and passionate longings for his father's return to ,christ4 ,and both these sons1 and the whole of my family1 exerted an influence1 which tended first to check the extravagances of my skepticism1 and then to help and hasten my return to the truth as it is in ,jesus4 ,my sons assisted me in more ways than one4 ,they were more observant of men than ,i was1 and they were better judges of character4 ,and they had better opportunities than ,i had1 of learning what the infidels with whom they came in contact1 really were1 both in their principles and way of life4 ,and they were readier to receive the truth on the subject than ,i4 ,the consequence was1 that both in ,america and in ,england1 they gathered up a multitude of facts that ,i should have passed unnoticed2 and were prepared to use them for my benefit1 when the proper time should come4 ,and the proper time did come at length4 ,i could believe nothing against parties with whom ,i was connected1 on any one's testimony1 till ,i had begun myself to detect their misdoings4 ,my wife and children knew this1 so they never troubled me with their discoveries1 till ,i had myself begun to make similar discoveries4 ,as soon as they found ,i had seen enough to shake my confidence in a number of the unbelievers--as soon as they found that ,i had got rid of my mad prejudices in favor of the parties1 and had so far come to myself as to have obtained the use of my eyes and understanding1 they knew that the time for making known to me their discoveries had come4 ,and they made them known4 ,and they agreed so perfectly with what ,i myself had seen and proved1 that ,i could no longer discredit their statements4 ,and they explained a multitude of other matters4 ,thus another blow was struck1 both at my faith in skeptics1 and my faith in skepticism4 ,and both my wife and children had1 on the whole1 wonderful patience with me in my tardy movements towards the truth4 ,when ,i consider how much of evil they saw in connexion with infidelity1 and how strong their feeling was of the truth and necessity of religion1 ,i wonder at their forbearance4 ,at times their patience was well-nigh exhausted1 but they seldom betrayed the fact by their behavior4 ,but my eldest son informed me1 after my return to ,christ1 that at one time1 doubting whether ,i should ever be cured of my insanity1 he made up his mind to forswear all other occupations1 and give himself exclusively to the ,christian ministry1 that he might spend his life and powers in a ceaseless warfare against the horrible delusions to which ,i seemed so irretrievably wedded4 #ae4 ,in the year #aheg1 towards the close of the summer1 ,i left my home in ,nebraska for a time1 and went eastward on a lecturing tour4 ,my first appointment was at ,east ,liverpool1 in ,ohio4 ,there ,i met with my good1 old friend ,john ,donaldson1 of ,byker1 near ,newcastle-on-,tyne1 ,england4 ,he spoke of days long past1 when we worked together in the cause of ,christ4 ,he was kind1 as he had always been2 but it troubled him to find me so changed--so far estranged from the views of former times4 ,though glad to see my friend1 the memories which his presence revived1 of the days when ,i was a happy and a useful minister of ,christ1 and the partial re-awakening of old religious thoughts and feelings which it occasioned1 made me feel1 for a moment1 an indescribable sensation1 as of one who had got an unlooked-for glimpse of some fearful loss he had sustained1 or of some tremendous mistake he had committed4 ,my infidel logic1 however1 hastened to my aid1 and assured me ,i was right2 but the deep and deathless instincts of my soul were not entirely at rest4 ,i reached ,philadelphia at length4 ,there ,i was engaged by ,dr4 ,w4 ,wright for eight months4 ,i lectured every ,sunday1 sometimes on theological1 sometimes on moral1 and sometimes on scientific and general subjects4 ,i always urged on my hearers a virtuous life1 and did what ,i could to escape the society of persons of immoral habits4 ,and ,i thought1 for a time1 ,i had succeeded4 ,but ,i was grievously mistaken4 ,one of the acting men in my congregation was a ,plymouth man4 ,he1 as ,i afterwards found1 had deserted his wife and family1 and was living with another woman4 ,another1 a more important member of my congregation1 whom ,i supposed to be an example of propriety1 turned out to be an advocate of unlimited license4 ,and another1 a man of great wealth1 who had often invited me to his house1 and shown me kindness in other ways1 ,i found1 after his death1 had never been married to the person with whom he had lived as his wife4 ,i also found that he had another family in another part of the city4 ,i mention these unpleasant matters to show1 that facts were not wanting to shake my faith in the moral influence of infidel principles4 ,the gentleman by whom ,i was employed1 treated me with great respect and kindness1 and some of my congregation did what they could to make me comfortable2 but the longer ,i remained in my position1 the less encouragement ,i saw to expect infidelity or skepticism to produce a virtuous and honorable life4 ,the gentleman by whom ,i was employed had thought of expending some fifty thousand dollars in building a hall1 and endowing a lecture1 c41 for the propagation of infidel principles2 but the conduct of the skeptics that gathered round him1 soon cured him of his anti-christian zeal4 #af4 ,before my term was quite expired1 ,i was engaged by another gentleman for eight months4 ,but ,i had seen so much to shake my faith in the beneficent tendency of infidelity1 that this time ,i left myself free1 both to lecture on what subjects ,i thought best1 and to leave my situation on two months' notice4 ,as my new engagement did not commence for three months or more1 ,i had the happiness of spending some time in the bosom of my family4 ,as usual1 the influences to which ,i was subject there were all calculated to abate my faith in irreligious principles1 and to dispose me to look with less disfavor and prejudice on ,christianity4 ,in ,august ,i started again for ,philadelphia4 ,i left my family with sadness and tears1 and ,i proceeded on my journey with a feeling that it would not be long before my labors in ,philadelphia would come to an end4 ,and the feeling grew stronger every week4 ,the ,hebrews had a hard task when they were required to make bricks without straw2 but he who undertakes to make people good without religion1 has to make bricks without clay--and that is a vast deal harder4 ,i felt my position was not the right one1 and ,i longed and sighed for something more in accordance with my gradually changing views and better feelings2 but knew not exactly what it was ,i needed1 or where it was to be found4 ,i frequently attended the ministry of ,dr4 ,furness1 the ,unitarian minister2 and though his preaching was far from being all it should be1 his sermons had a salutary effect on my mind4 ,his words about ,god and duty1 about ,christ and immortality1 fell on my soul at times like refreshing dew4 ,i also went to hear the ,rev4 ,albert ,barnes1 and was both pleased and surprised with the truth and excellence of many of his remarks4 ,i heard several other ministers2 but the irrational and anti-christian doctrines set forth by some of them1 exerted an influence on my mind which was the opposite of salutary4 ,at the end of two months ,i gave notice to my committee that ,i should give up my situation as lecturer4 ,i had come to the conclusion1 that to war with ,christianity was not the way to promote the virtue and happiness of mankind1 and ,i told my congregation so4 ,i added1 that if we were even sure that the sentiments entertained by ,christians were erroneous1 it would be well to refrain from assailing them1 till we had something better to put in their place4 ,and ,i also advised them1 now they were about to be left without a lecturer1 to go to some place of worship2 and if they could not hear exactly what they could like1 to make the best of what they did hear1 and by all means to live a virtuous1 honorable1 and useful life4 ,i gave similar advice to congregations in other places1 and by many it was well received4 ,when ,i gave up my situation in ,philadelphia1 my intention was to return to ,england4 ,i was anxious to free myself1 as far as possible1 from men of extreme views1 whether in religion or politics1 and to place myself in a position in which ,i should be perfectly free to pursue whatever course a regard to truth and duty might require4 ,i made up my mind1 therefore1 that on my arrival in ,england1 ,i would stand alone1 apart from all societies and public men1 and have a paper of my own1 and publish from time to time whatever might commend itself to my judgment as true and good4 ,i knew ,i had changed during the last two years1 though ,i did not know how much2 and ,i believed ,i was changing1 though ,i could not tell in what the change which was taking place would end4 ,i had no idea that ,i could ever become a ,christian again1 though the tendency of the change which was taking place in me was in that direction4 ,having taken leave of my friends1 ,i hastened to ,boston1 and prepared for my voyage across the deep4 ,i was to sail by the ,royal ,mail ,steamship ,canada1 on the eleventh of ,january1 #ahfj4 ,just as ,i was stepping on board the packet1 ,i received a letter from my youngest son4 ,among a number of other kind things1 it contained words like the following3 ,father1 dear1 when you get to ,england1 don't dream that by any breath of yours1 or by any paper balls that you can fire1 you can ever shatter or shake the eternal foundations on which ,christianity rests4 ,words like those from a dear good son could not but have a powerful effect on my mind4 ,and now ,i started on my voyage4 ,i had never ventured on the sea before without dread of shipwreck and drowning4 ,this time ,i had no such fear4 ,on the contrary1 as the vessel threaded her way among the rocks and islands of ,boston ,harbor1 ,i experienced a strange and unaccountable elevation of soul4 ,i had not felt so cheerful1 so hopeful1 so happy1 for many years4 ,and this delightful joyousness of soul continued during the whole of the voyage4 ,yet ,i had never gone to sea at so dangerous a season4 ,and ,i never encountered such fearful and long-continued storms4 ,before we had fairly lost sight of the last point of land1 the winds1 which were already raging with unusual violence1 began to blow more furiously4 ,they fell on us in the most fearful blasts1 and roared around us in a deafening howl4 ,the sea was thrown into the wildest uproar4 ,the vessel was tossed and tumbled about in the most merciless manner4 ,one moment she was plunging head foremost into the deep2 the next she was climbing the most stupendous waves4 ,now her right wheel was vainly laboring deep in the water1 while her left was spinning uselessly in the air2 then her right wheel was whirling in the air1 while her left was splurging in the deep4 ,sometimes the waves swept over the vessel1 while at other times they would strike her so rudely on the side1 that she staggered through all her timbers4 ,after the storm had raged for two or three days1 there came what are called white squalls4 ,a light grey cloud appears in the distance1 and as it approaches you1 it sends forth lightnings1 accompanied with hurried bursts of thunder4 ,a furious storm of hail or snow immediately follows4 ,the howl of the tempest rises to a yell1 and the squall1 as it sweeps along in its fury1 cuts off the tops of the waves1 and scatters them in foam over the surface of the deep like a mantle of snow4 ,the first of those squalls went right through our large square sail1 tearing it to shreds4 ,another sent a wave on board which snapped in pieces stanchions of wrought iron thicker than my arms1 and carried away one of our best boats4 ,and this unspeakable uproar of the elements continued for several days4 ,at times ,i crept on deck for a few moments1 and1 holding by the rigging1 gazed on the wild magnificence of the appalling scene4 ,and all this time my heart1 instead of being tortured with its customary fears1 was full of a cheerful joyous confidence4 ,it was as if some spirit of heaven had taken possession of my soul to give me sweet presentiments of the approach of better days4 ,and so perhaps it was4 ,i was moving onwards1 though ,i knew it not1 to a happier destiny1 and the peace and joy ,i felt were as the dawn or twilight of the coming day of my redemption4 ,we reached ,liverpool at length1 and ,i was soon at ,betley1 the native place of my wife1 which was to be my temporary home4 ,and now1 if ,i had fallen into good hands1 or if the better thoughts and tendencies of my soul had been sufficiently strong1 ,i might have entered at once on a happier course4 ,but ,i encountered an unlooked-for difficulty4 ,as ,i have said1 my intention was1 on landing in ,england1 to begin a periodical1 and to keep apart from persons of extravagant views4 ,i was not a ,christian1 nor did ,i1 at the time1 suppose ,i should ever become one2 but ,i was an earnest moralist1 and ,i had become more moderate in my ideas both on religious and political subjects4 ,and ,i was1 to some extent1 prepared to receive fresh light4 ,i had got an impression1--,i had had it for some time before ,i left ,america1--that my mind was not in a thoroughly healthy state1--that it was not exactly itself1--that it was so much biassed in favor of irreligion1 that it was incapable of doing justice to arguments for a ,god and ,providence1 for a spiritual world and a future life4 ,i partly believed1 and now ,i know1 that facts and arguments in favor of the great fundamental doctrines of religion1 did not affect and influence me so much as they ought1--that my doubts and disbeliefs were stronger than facts or the nature of things warranted4 ,i suspected1 what now ,i regard as past doubt1 that erroneous principles1 and a defective method of reasoning1 and long practice in searching out flaws in arguments1 and detecting and exposing errors and pious frauds1 had disposed me too strongly to distrust and disbelief1--that ,i was in fact a slave to bad habits of thought and reasoning1 as really as the inveterate drunkard is the slave to his irrational appetite for strong drink4 ,what ,i should believe in case the freedom of my mind and the just and harmonious action of its powers were fully restored1 ,i could not tell2 but ,i had a strong impression1 amounting to something like an assurance1 that ,i should believe more than ,i did with respect to ,god and a spiritual world4 ,had ,i1 on arriving in ,england1 found myself in favorable circumstances1 my mind might quickly have recovered its freedom1 and returned1 in part at least1 to the faith of its earlier days4 ,but this was not my lot4 ,i was beset with new temptations1 and was doomed to further disappointments4 ,the ,secularists had got out a prospectus of a new paper1 and ,i was urged to become one of the editors2 and thinking that it would seem mean and selfish to begin a paper of my own under such circumstances1 ,i reluctantly consented4 ,i however stipulated for full control over one half of the paper1 and when ,i found that articles of a disgraceful and mischievous tendency were published in the other half1 ,i published a special notice in mine1 every week1 that ,i was not answerable for those articles4 ,in ,august #ahfj my wife and children arrived in ,england4 ,they were sorry to find me in connection with that paper and with the party which it represented2 and they set themselves at once to work to bring about a change2 and it was not long before they succeeded4 ,a book1 written by a leading ,secularist1 was sent to me for review4 ,when ,i read it1 ,i found that its object was to undermine marriage and bring it into disrepute1 and to induce men and women to abandon honorable wedlock1 and to substitute for it unbounded sensual license4 ,it was the filthiest1 the most horrible and revolting production ,i had ever read4 ,this loathsome book had already been advertised in the paper of which ,i was one of the editors1 and in the part of the paper over which ,i had no control1 it had been strongly recommended4 ,i found1 too1 that it had been very extensively circulated among the readers of the paper1 and that the ,secularist leaders were adopting measures to promote its still more extensive circulation4 ,i at once exposed the villainous production in my portion of the paper4 ,as far as a respect for decency would permit1 ,i laid its loathsome and horrible abominations before my readers4 ,this led to an instant1 a total1 and final separation between me and the friends of the licentious book4 ,i now commenced a ,paper of my own1 and ,i said to myself1 and ,i said to my children3 ,i will now re-read the ,bible2 ,i will examine ,christianity2 ,i will review the history of the ,church2 ,i will examine the character and workings of the various religious organizations of the day2 and whatever ,i find in them that is true or good1 ,i will lay before my readers4 ,i am not a ,christian1 said ,i2 and ,i never expect to be one2 but ,i will do justice to the ,christian cause to the best of my ability4 ,i have said and written enough on the skeptical side3 ,i will see what there is to be said on the ,christian side4 ,i had no idea of the greatness of the task ,i was undertaking4 ,i supposed that ten or a dozen articles would be sufficient to set forth all that was true and good in the ,bible4 ,but when ,i came to examine the ,book1 with my somewhat altered views1 and enlarged experience1 and chastened feelings1 ,i found in it treasures of truth and goodness1 of beauty and blessedness1 of which1 even in my better days1 ,i seemed to have had but a very inadequate conception4 ,i was touched with a hundred precepts of mercy and tenderness in the laws of ,moses4 ,i was startled and delighted with many ,old ,testament stories4 ,the character of ,job1 as portrayed in the twenty-ninth and thirty-first chapters of the book that goes under his name1 melted me to tears4 ,i was delighted with the purity and tenderness1 the beauty and sublimity of the ,psalms4 ,i was amazed at the depth and vastness of the wisdom of the ,book of ,proverbs4 ,i was pleased with the stern fidelity with which the prophets rebuked the vices and the crimes1 the selfishness and cruelty1 of the sinners of their days1 and the tenderness and devotion with which they pleaded the cause of the poor1 the fatherless1 and the widow4 ,when ,i came to the ,gospels1 and read again the wonderful story of the ,man of ,nazareth1 my whole soul gave way4 ,the beauty1 the tenderness1 the glory of ,his character overpowered me4 ,i was ashamed1 that ,i should ever have so fearfully misconceived it1 and done it such grievous injustice4 ,the tears rolled from my eyes1 moistening the book in which ,i was reading1 and the paper on which ,i was writing4 ,but ,i proceeded with my task4 ,i pondered every word ,he uttered1 and was delighted with ,his glorious revelations of ,god1 and truth1 and duty4 ,i gazed on all ,his wondrous works4 ,i marked1 ,i studied1 every trait in his character4 ,i read the sad story of ,his trials4 ,i traced him through all ,his sufferings4 ,i saw the indignities and cruelties to which ,he was subjected1 and ,i saw the meekness1 the patience1 and the fortitude with which ,he suffered4 ,i saw ,him on the cross4 ,i heard the prayer which ,he offered in the midst of ,his agonies in behalf of ,his murderers1 ',father1 forgive them2 they know not what they do4' ,and still ,i read1 and still ,i gazed1 and still ,i listened4 ,i was entranced4 ,i had thought to stand at a distance2 to look at ,jesus with the eye of a philosopher and moralist only1 and calmly and coolly to take ,his portrait2 but ,i was overpowered4 ,the strange1 the touching sight drew me nearer4 ,the loving one got hold of me4 ,his infinite tenderness1 ,his transcendent goodness1 the glory of ,his whole character1 and life1 and doctrine took me captive2 and ,i was no way loth to be held by such charms4 ,he had won me entirely4 ,i loved ,him with all my heart and soul4 ,i was ,his1--,his disciple1 ,his servant1 entirely1 and forever4 ,and ,i wanted no other treasure but to share ,his love1 and no other employment but to share ,his work4 ,i was1 though but very imperfectly enlightened on many things1 and exceedingly weak and imperfect in many respects1 most blessedly and indissolubly wedded to ,christ and ,his cause4 ,i drew the portrait of the ,saviour to the best of my ability1 and sent the articles to the press4 ,it fell to the lot of my children1 in correcting the press1 to read those articles4 ,and when they read them1 they too wept1 and one said to another1 ,father is coming right2 he will be himself again by and by4 ,and they were right in thinking so4 ,i had come in contact with the ,great ,healer4 ,i had got a sight of ,one on whom it is impossible to look steadfastly and long without experiencing a thorough transformation of soul4 ,and so it was with me4 ,from my first look ,i became less and less of a skeptic1 and more and more of a believer in ,christianity1 till my transformation was complete4 ,the more ,i read the ,bible with my altered feelings and change of purpose1 the more was ,i impressed with its transcendent worth1 and the more was ,i influenced by its renovating power4 ,i saw that whatever might be said with regard to particular portions of the ,book1 it was1 as a whole1 the grandest revelation of truth and duty that the mind of man could conceive4 ,i could no longer find in my heart to talk or write about what appeared to be its imperfections4 ,there were passages that seemed dark or doubtful3 there were some that seemed erroneous or contradictory2 but they amounted to nothing4 ,they did not affect the scope1 the drift1 the aim1 the tendency of the ,book as a whole4 ,they might not be consistent with certain erroneous theories of inspiration1 or with certain unguarded statements of extravagant theologians2 but they were consistent with the belief that the book1 as a whole1 was worthy of the ,great ,good being from whom it was said to have come1 and adapted to the illumination and salvation of the race to which it had been given4 ,christianity began to present itself to my mind as the truest philosophy2 as the perfection of all wisdom and goodness4 ,while it met man's spiritual wants1 and cheered him with the promise of eternal bliss1 it was manifestly its tendency to promote his highest interests even in the present world4 ,as the clouds that had darkened my mind passed away1 it become plain as the light1 that if mankind could be brought to receive its teachings1 and to live in accordance with its principles1 the world would become a paradise4 #b4 ,i reviewed ,church ,history4 ,while under the influence of anti-,christian views and feelings1 ,i had read the history of the ,church and ,christianity with a view to justify my unbelief1 rather than with a desire to know the simple truth4 ,i had looked more for facts which could be used to damage the ,church1 than for fair full views of things4 ,my mind had dwelt particularly on the ,church's quarrels1 its divisions1 its intolerance1 and its wars2--on the favor which the clergy had sometimes shown to slavery and to despotism2--on their asceticisms1 fanaticisms1 and follies2 and on cases of fraud1 and selfishness1 and impurity4 ,i had read as an advocate retained to plead the cause of unbelief1 rather than as a candid judge1 or an unbiassed student1 anxious to know and teach the whole truth4 ,i was not conscious of my unfairness at the time1 but ,i now began to see that ,i had been influenced by my irreligious passions and prejudices4 ,i saw1 on looking over my ,guizot for instance1 that ,i had marked the passages which contained matters not creditable to the clergy1 and passed unnoticed those portions of the work which set forth the services which the ,church and ,christianity had rendered to civilization4 ,i also remembered how eagerly ,i had swallowed the unfair representations and fallacious reasonings of ,buckle with regard to ,christianity and skepticism1 and how impatiently ,i had hurried over what reviewers friendly to ,christianity said on the other side of the subject4 ,the balance of my mind was at length restored4 ,i now saw that ,christianity had proved itself the friend of peace and freedom1 of learning and science1 of trade and agriculture1 of temperance and purity1 of justice and charity1 of domestic comfort and national prosperity4 ,the history of ,christianity was the history of our superior laws1 of our improved manners1 of our beneficent institutions1 of our schools of learning1 of our boundless wealth1 of our constitutional governments1 of our unequalled literature1 of our world-wide influence1 of our domestic happiness1 and of all that goes to make up our highest forms of civilization4 ,imperfectly as it had been understood1 and defectively as it had been reduced to practice1 ,christianity had placed the nations of ,europe at the head of the human race4 ,christian nations were the most enlightened and virtuous1 the most prosperous and powerful1 the most free and happy of all the nations of the earth4 ,the pious frauds1 the intolerance and persecutions1 the oppressions and wrongs1 the selfishness and sin1 which were found in the history of the ,church1 were not the effects of ,christianity1 but the effects of passions and principles directly opposed to its spirit and teachings4 #c4 ,i looked at the ,churches of the day4 ,i found them all at work for the education of the young1 and for the instruction and salvation of the world4 ,i saw them building schools and chapels1 and supplying them with teachers and preachers4 ,i saw them printing books1 and tracts1 and ,bibles1 and spreading them abroad in all directions4 ,i saw them founding libraries and reading-rooms1 and young men's ,christian associations1 and ladies' sewing societies4 ,i saw them sending out missionaries abroad1 and carrying on a multitude of beneficent operations at home4 ,i asked for the schools and libraries1 the books and periodicals1 the halls of science and the missionary operations of the enemies of ,christianity2 but they were nowhere to be found4 ,they talked about education1 but instructed no one4 ,they talked about science1 but did nothing for its spread or its advancement4 ,they abused ,christians for neglecting men's temporal interests1 but did nothing to promote men's earthly happiness themselves4 ,they found fault with ,sunday-schools1 and talked of the faults of ,christians1 but never corrected their own4 ,they talked of liberty1 and practised tyranny4 ,they complained of intolerance1 yet followed such as renounced their society1 or questioned their views1 with the bitterest reproaches1 and the most heartless persecution4 ,they talked of reform1 but sowed the seeds of rebellion1 anarchy1 and unbounded licentiousness4 ,the ,christians had the advantage over their adversaries even in outward appearance4 ,they were cleaner and better clad1 and were more orderly in their deportment4 ,there was quite a contrast between the crowds of ,christians that passed along the streets to their places of worship1 and the knots of ,godless1 ,christless men who strolled along1 or sat in their doors1 in their dirty clothes1 with their unwashed faces1 smoking their pipes1 or reading their filthy papers4 ,there was a contrast between ,christian congregations and infidel meetings4 ,one had the appearance of purity and elevation2 while the other had the stamp of pollution and degradation4 ,irreligion seemed the nurse of coarseness and barbarism4 ,some of the secularists actually argued against civilization1 as ,rousseau had done before them4 ,one of them reprinted ,burke's ironical work in favor of the savage state1 and sent it to me for review1 and was greatly offended because ,i refused to recommend it as a sober1 serious1 philosophical treatise to my readers4 ,it was plain that there was something wrong in infidelity2 that its tendency was to vice and depravity2 while ,christianity1 whether it was divine in its origin or not1 was evidently the friend and benefactor of our race4 ,in #ahfb1 some friends of mine at ,burnley1 who had built a public hall there1 engaged me as their lecturer4 ,the parties were unbelievers1 but they were opposed to the advocates of unbounded license4 ,they were favorable to morality1 and wished to have an association that should embody what they thought good in the ,church1 without being decidedly religious4 ,they wished to have music and singing at the ,sunday meetings1 and to limit public discussion to the week-night meetings4 ,they also wished to have ,sunday-schools1 day-schools1 reading-rooms1 and libraries4 ,we had come to the conclusion that the ,christians were right on the whole in their way of conducting their public meetings1 and we were resolved to imitate them as far as we honestly could4 ,and here ,i lived and labored for more than a year4 ,we did not succeed however so well as we had expected4 ,our singers1 and musicians1 and ,sunday-school teachers had no high and powerful motive to keep them regularly at their posts1 so that whenever a strong temptation came to lure them away1 they ran from their tasks1 and left me and another or two to toil alone4 ,we then formed a ,church1 and made laws1 thinking to keep our associates to their duty in that way4 ,but this made matters worse4 ,their fancies and pleasures were their laws1 and they would obey no other4 ,most of our teachers left1 and ,i and a friend or two had to teach the school ourselves4 ,my friends established a day-school1 and hired a teacher2 but he turned out to be an unbounded license man2 he brought with him1 in fact1 an unmarried woman instead of his wife1 and they found it necessary to get rid of him as soon as they could4 ,all the time ,i was at ,burnley my heart first1 and then my head1 were coming nearer and nearer to ,christ and ,christianity4 ,i gradually gave up my opposition both to religion and to the churches4 ,the last lecture in which ,i gave utterance to anything unfavorable to the ,bible was one on ,noah's flood4 ,i spoke on the subject by request1 and against my inclination1 and before ,i had got half through ,i began to feel unutterably dissatisfied with myself4 ,i was really unhappy4 ,from that time forward ,i dwelt chiefly on moral subjects1 and often took occasion to speak favorably of the ,bible and ,christianity4 ,i tried to explain what was dark1 and to set forth what was manifestly true and good in their teachings4 ,i lectured on the wisdom of the ,book of ,proverbs1 on the beauty of ,christ's character1 and on the excellency of many of ,his doctrines1 on the advantages of faith in ,christ1 and on the follies and vices of infidel secularism1 and on quite a number of other ,christian subjects4 ,my younger son came to reside at ,burnley while ,i was there1 and we had frequent talks as we walked together along the fields and lanes1 and over the neighboring hills2 and this also helped to bring me nearer to ,christ and ,his ,church4 ,i read the works of ,epictetus at this time1 and my faith in ,god and immortality1 and my love of virtue too1 were strengthened by his reasonings4 ,about the same time a person wrote to me to go and lecture at ,goole4 ,i went4 ,no subject had been named to me1 and ,i resolved to speak in favor of the leading practical principles of ,christianity4 ,when ,i got to ,goole1 ,i found that the man who had invited me had put up a bill1 calling on his neighbors and fellow-townsmen to come and hear the triumphant opponent of ,christianity demolish their religion4 ,i told him he should not have put forth a bill like that1--that ,i was not an opponent of ,christianity1--that ,i was not an enemy of the churches1--that ,i had no desire to demolish religion1--that ,i wished to bring people to cherish and practise the leading principles of ,christianity4 ,this rather puzzled and distressed him2 but notwithstanding his disappointment1 he would have me lecture4 ,the meeting was out of doors4 ,i soon had a large audience4 ,i quickly undeceived such as had come expecting to hear me vilify the ,bible1 the churches1 or religion4 ,i spoke in the highest terms of ,christ and ,his teachings4 ,i showed that many of them were the perfection of wisdom and goodness4 ,i spoke of the causes of human wretchedness1 and showed that obedience to the teachings of ,christ and ,his ,apostles would remove them all4 ,many things that ,i said1 and especially some remarks ,i made on domestic duties and domestic happiness1 went home to the hearts of my hearers4 ,not a murmur was heard from any quarter4 ,men nudged each other1 and women looked in each others' faces1 and all gave signs that they felt the truth of my remarks1 and the wisdom of my counsels1 and the meeting ended as satisfactorily as could be desired4 ,it was while ,i was living at ,burnley that ,i began again to pray4 ,a young atheist died1 and ,i was invited to his funeral1 and requested to speak at his grave4 ,when we got to the cemetery the little chapel was occupied by another company1 and we had to wait some time for our turn4 ,my mind was in a sad and solemn mood1 and ,i left my party and wandered to the farther end of the cemetery4 ,it was a bright and beautiful day in ,april4 ,the grass was springing fresh and green1 and the hawthorn buds were opening1 and everything seemed full of life1 and big with promise4 ,the sun was shining in all his glory4 ,the thrushes and the blackbirds were singing in the surrounding groves and thickets1 and the larks were pouring forth their melody in the air4 ,yet all was dark and sorrowful within4 ,i felt the misery of unbelief1 yet felt myself unable to free myself from its horrible and tormenting power4 ,i had a growing conviction that ,i was the slave of a vicious method of reasoning1 and of an inveterate habit of unreasonable or excessive doubt1 and that ,i had not the power to do ,god and ,christianity justice4 ,i felt as if ,i ought to pray1 but something whispered1 ,it is irrational4 ,no matter1 ,i could refrain no longer3 and lifting up my tearful eyes to heaven ,i exclaimed1 ,god help me4 ,he did help me4 ,he strengthened my struggling soul from that hour1 and gave to the good within me a growing power over the evil4 ,i dried my tears and returned to my party4 ,i spoke at the poor young ,atheist's grave1 and concluded my address with the following prayer1 ,may trust in ,god1 and the hope of a better life1 and the love of truth and virtue1 and delight in doing good1 remain with all who have them1 and come to all who have them not4 ,amen4 ,the gentleman with whom ,i had lived at ,burnley had said to me on the morning of that very day1 that if ,i prayed at the funeral he should never think well of me more4 ,he afterwards said1 when he heard of the prayer ,i had offered1 he had no objection to a prayer like that4 ,he was not aware of the shorter prayer that ,i had offered when alone1 or he would have spoken probably in another strain4 ,he was dreadfully opposed to religion1 and very uneasy when he saw me moving in the direction of ,christianity4 ,among the friends who left the church on account of my expulsion1 was ,samuel ,methley1 of ,mirfield1 near ,huddersfield4 ,he was rather eccentric in some respects2 but he was an honest1 earnest1 kind1 and ,christian man4 ,he had had little or no school instruction1 and he had nothing that could be called learning1 or high intellectual culture2 but he was a man of great faith1 of much love1 and much prayer4 ,his affection and reverence for me were almost unbounded1 and so long as ,i continued a believer in ,christ1 he was ready to go with me any lengths in ,evangelical reform4 ,when ,i ran into politics he was somewhat staggered1 but followed me as far as he durst4 ,when ,i began to be skeptical he stood still1 afraid1 and very unhappy4 ,on one occasion he ventured to rebuke me2 but ,i knew that the rebuke was the offspring of affection1 and ,i took it quietly4 ,when ,i went to ,america he was greatly distressed1 and prayed for me most anxiously and earnestly4 ,when he found ,i had become an unbeliever1 he resolved never to go near a meeting of mine again1 and prayed to ,god to help him to keep his resolution4 ,for many years he tried to wean himself from me1 to extinguish his passionate regard for me2 but whenever he found that ,i was to lecture in his neighborhood1 he lost his self-control1 and came1 though with reluctance1 and many misgivings1 to my meetings4 ,he generally rose after my lectures1 to protest against my extravagances1 and to testify his uncontrollable affection for me1 and his anxious desire for my salvation4 ,to do otherwise than take his remarks in good part was impossible4 ,poor1 dear1 good man6 ,i little thought at the time how much distress and pain ,i was causing him4 ,when he found that ,i was coming back to ,christ1 he was joyful beyond measure4 ,when he heard me preach on true religion1 he was in transports4 ,at a meeting that followed1 he spoke with so much feeling and fervor1 that ,i was obliged to try to check him a little1 for fear the violence of his excitement should injure his feeble and failing health4 ,my conversion1 though but partial then1 gave him the utmost delight4 ,at length his feeble frame gave way1 and he sank into his bed to rise no more4 ,he sent me word that he was very desirous to see me1 and ,i visited him without delay4 ,he was very ill4 ,his voice was almost gone1 and he spoke with great difficulty4 ,he told me he wished me1 when he was gone1 to preach his funeral sermon1 and write his epitaph1 and take charge of a manuscript containing the story of his life4 ,i told him ,i would do so4 ,he then spoke of his trust in ,god1 his love of ,christ1 and his hopes of a blessed immortality1 while tears of joy stood glistening in his eyes4 ,he then referred to some matters that had tried him sadly1 but added3 ,i have cast my care on ,god4 ,he tried to speak of his feelings towards me1 but said3 ,those papers 7referring to the story of his life7 will tell you all4 ,at last he said3 ,pray with me1 ,joseph4 ,i had not prayed with any one for many years1 but ,i said at once3 ,i will1 ,sammy2 and ,i fell on my knees1 and prayed by his side4 ,he then1 weak as he was1 prayed earnestly for me1 and for my wife and family4 ,he died a few weeks after4 ,i preached his funeral sermon on the following ,sunday1 in ,may1 #ahfc1 in a field near the house in which he had lived and died1 from the text3 ,let me die the death of the righteous1 and let my last end be like his4 ,there was an immense congregation1 consisting of people of all denominations1 both infidel and ,christian1 from every part of the surrounding district4 ,when speaking of his conduct in clinging to the religion of ,christ1 instead of following me into the regions of doubt and unbelief1 ,i declared my conviction that he had done right4 ,he had read little1 said ,i1 and ,i had read much3 yet he was the wiser man of the two4 ,his good religious instincts and feelings kept him right1 and kept him happy in the warmth and sunlight of the religion of ,christ2 while my vain reasonings carried me astray into the dark and chilling regions of eternal cold and utter desolation4 ,there is a seeming wisdom that is foolishness2 and there is a childlike1 artless simplicity of faith1 which1 while it is regarded as foolishness by many1 is in truth the perfection of wisdom4 ,there are things which are hid from the wise and prudent1 that are revealed to babes4 ,and ,jesus was right1 when1 addressing the self-conceited skeptical critics of ,his day1 ,he said3 ',except ye be converted and become as little children1 ye cannot enter the kingdom of heaven4' ,my dear departed friend1 when trusting in ,god as his ,father1 and in ,christ as his ,saviour1 and living a godly life1 was right1 while ,i1 in distrusting the promptings of my religious instincts and affections1 and committing myself to the reasonings of a cold and heartless logic1 was wrong4 ,the new-born babe1 that rests untroubled in its mother's arms1 and1 without misgiving1 sucks from her breast the milk so wonderfully provided for it1 does the best and wisest thing conceivable4 ,in obeying its instincts1 it obeys the great good ,author of its being1 and lives4 ,if--to suppose what is happily an impossibility--if the child should discard its instincts1 and refuse to trust its mother1 till it had logical proof of her trustworthiness2 and1 distrusting its natural cravings1 should refuse to take the nutriment provided for it1 till it could ascertain by chemical analysis and physiological investigation1 that it was just the kind of food which it required1 it would die4 ,my departed friend was the happy1 confiding child1 and saved his soul alive2 while ,i was the analytical and logical doubter1 and all but starved my miserable soul to death4 ,thank ,god1 ,i have lived to see my error4 ,the loving1 trusting ,christian is right4 ,the religion of ,jesus is substantially true and divine2 and1 thus far1 ,i declare myself a ,christian4 ,it was a beautiful1 summer-like day4 ,the sun shone brightly1 and the winds were low1 and the vast congregation was orderly and attentive1 and many were much affected4 ,the report that ,i had declared myself a ,christian1 without any qualification annexed1 got into the papers1 and ran through the country4 ,to many it gave the greatest satisfaction4 ,good1 kind ,christians came round me wherever ,i went1 testifying their delight and gratitude4 ,some wept for joy4 ,unbelievers were greatly annoyed at the tidings of my conversion1 and some of them came and entreated me to give the report a public contradiction4 ,this ,i refused to do4 ,true1 the papers said somewhat more than ,i had said2 but the statement they gave was true in substance1 so ,i let it pass1 and the growing change for the better in my views and feelings soon made it true in form4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,parties ,,who ,,contributed ,,towards ,,my ,,return ,,to ,,christ4 ,after ,i fell into doubt and unbelief1 the ,church1 and the ministry generally1 appeared to look on me as irretrievably lost4 ,the great mass of them made no attempt for my recovery4 ,how much they cared for my soul ,i do not know2 but for nearly twenty years they left me to wander as a sheep that had no shepherd4 ,many of them spoke against me1 and wrote against me1 and some of them even met me in public discussion2 but they never approached me in the spirit of gentleness and love1 to try to win me back to ,christ1 and bring me once more into ,his ,church4 ,some of them treated me with grievous injustice4 ,as ,i have said some pages back1 one minister made himself most odious to me and my friends1 and did something towards increasing our antipathy to the religion which he so grossly dishonored1 by his unjust and hateful doings4 ,it is bad for ,christianity when men like these are put forward as its advocates4 ,no open enemies can do it so much injury as such unworthy friends4 ,there were others1 however1 who took a more ,christian course1 and if they did not succeed in at once reclaiming me from my melancholy delusions1 they produced a happy effect on my mind1 which helped to bring about1 in the end1 my return to the ,christian faith4 #a4 ,there was one man1 a minister1 who1 though he wrote against some of my views1 always treated me with respect4 ,he never gave me offensive names1 nor charged me with unworthy motives1 nor treated me with affected contempt4 ,he regarded me simply as an erring brother1 and strove1 with genuine ,christian affection1 to bring me back to what he regarded as the truth4 ,he died before my restoration to the ,church1 but his labors on my behalf were not in vain4 #b4 ,a kind-hearted layman once sent me a book--,the ,philosophy of the ,plan of ,salvation1--accompanied with a short1 but affectionate letter4 ,the book did not convert me1 but the kindness of the friend that sent it had a happy effect4 ,though beyond the reach of logic1 ,i was within the reach of love4 #c4 ,the ,author of ,the ,philosophy of the ,plan of ,salvation was ,mr4 ,walker1 a minister of ,mansfield1 ,ohio4 ,while in ,america ,i gave a course of lectures in that town on the ,bible4 ,the friend at whose house ,i was staying took me to see ,mr4 ,walker1 who received me with great kindness1 invited me to dine with him1 and conversed with me in a truly ,christian manner4 ,he even came to one of my lectures1 in hopes of helping me over the difficulties which blocked my way to the faith of ,christ4 ,i did not1 however1 treat him with the kind and considerate tenderness with which he had treated me4 ,i was under unhappy influences1 and ,i spoke on the ,bible in such a manner as to try him past endurance1 and he left me that night with very painful feelings1 regarding me1 probably1 as lost past hope4 ,should he read this work1 it may give him satisfaction to know1 that his kindness1 and his work on ,christ as a revelation of the ,eternal ,father1 had a part in helping me back to the religion of ,christ4 #d4 ,five years ago last ,december1 ,mr4 ,john ,mawson1 ,sheriff of ,newcastle-on-,tyne1 was killed on the ,town ,moor by a terrible explosion of nitro-glycerine4 ,i had been acquainted with him more than five-and-twenty years4 ,he joined the church at ,newcastle1 of which ,i was a minister1 and remained my friend to the last4 ,he had his doubts on certain points of theology1 but he never lost his faith in the great principles of ,christianity4 ,when ,i was over from ,america once1 ,i spent some time in his company1 and we had frequent conversations on religion4 ,it seems to me1 said he1 that we ought to put some trust in our hearts4 ,my head has often tempted me to doubt2 but my heart has always clung to ,god and immortality4 ,it does so still2 and ,i believe it is right4 ,indeed1 ,i have no doubt of it4 ,i remembered his words4 ,they led me to study the moral and spiritual instincts of my nature more thoroughly than ,i had done before4 ,they led me to study the subject of instinct and natural affection generally4 ,my instincts1 like the instincts of my friend1 had always clung to ,god and a future life1 and to the principles of religion and virtue1 even when reason hesitated and doubted most4 ,i had never given up my belief in any of the great doctrines of ,christianity without a painful struggle4 ,but ,i had been led to think it my duty1 when there was a conflict between my head and my heart1 to take part with my head4 ,my heart1 for instance1 would say1 ,pray2 but reason1 or something in the garb of reason1 would say1 ,don't4 ,if what you desire is good1 ,god will give it you1 whether you pray for it or not2 and if it be evil1 ,he will withhold it1 pray as you may4 ,prayer may move a man like yourself2 but it cannot move ,god4 ,and ,i hearkened to the seeming reason1 and gave up prayer4 ,my heart said1 ,there is a personal1 conscious1 all-perfect ,god4 ,my head1 or my infidel philosophy said1 ,there cannot be such a ,god4 ,a ,god all-powerful could prevent evil4 ,a ,god all-good would prevent it4 ,god cannot therefore be a conscious1 personal1 all-perfect being4 ,he must be a blind1 unconscious power2 the sum total of natural tendencies1 working according to the eternal properties of things1 without the possibility of change2 and hence the existence of evil1 and the prevalence of eternal1 unalterable law4 ,and here again my head was permitted to prevail1 and my heart1 in spite of all its remonstrances1 was compelled to give way4 ,and with a personal1 conscious1 all-perfect ,god1 went the richest treasures of the human heart1--trust in a ,fatherly ,providence2 the hope of a blessed immortality1 and faith in the ultimate triumph of truth and justice1 and all assurance of human progress and a good time coming4 ,yet ,i was obliged1 in spite of the false philosophical principle ,i had adopted1 to accept the oracles of my heart on many points1 and to reject the logic of my head4 ,my heart said1 ,speak the truth2 to lie is wrong4 ,but now that it had got rid of a personal ,god1 logic said1 ,there can be nothing wrong in a lie that hurts no one4 ,there is something commendable in a useful1 serviceable lie4 ,to lie to save a person from danger or destruction is a virtue4 ,the feeling which shrinks from such a lie is a blind1 irrational prejudice1 and should be plucked up and cast out of the soul4 ,truth may be proper enough in the strong3 but deceit is the wisdom of the weak4 ,but in this case my heart1 my instinctive love of truth1 prevailed4 ,again1 my heart pleaded for justice and mercy2 for justice to all2 and for mercy to the needy and helpless4 ,but reason1 or the heartless and godless philosophy that usurped its name1 said1 ,utility is the supreme law2 the only law of man4 ,justice and mercy are right when they are useful2 but when they are hurtful they are right no longer4 ,if by destroying the helpless and the needy we can deliver them from their misery1 and increase the happiness of the rest of our race1 their destruction is a virtue1 especially if we dispose of them in a quiet and painless way1 so as to spare them the fears and agonies of death6 ,but here again my heart prevailed4 ,my natural1 unreasoning1 instinctive horror of injustice and murder rendered the specious pleadings of ,atheistic utilitarianism powerless4 ,and so on moral matters generally4 ,as a rule1 ,atheists succeed1 in course of time1 in vanquishing and destroying their moral as well as their religious instincts1 and then they embrace the most revolting doctrines1 and reconcile themselves to the most appalling deeds4 ,they look on marriage as irrational1 and regard modesty and chastity as vices4 ,shame is a weakness in their eyes1 and natural affections are irrational prejudices4 ,scruples against lying1 theft and murder1 when any great good is to be gained by those practices1 are insanity4 ,gratitude1 even to parents1 is an absurdity4 ,free indulgence1 unlimited license1 is a virtue4 ,the curse of our race is religion4 ,the one great social evil is a surplus population2 and the prevention or destruction of children is the sum of social science and virtue4 ,the extinction of the weaker races1 and the destruction of those of every race who cannot contribute their share of wealth and pleasure to the common stock1 is the perfection of philosophy4 ,in short1 all the old-fashioned principles of virtue1 honor1 conscience1 generosity1 self-restraint1 self-sacrifice1 and natural affection are exploded1 and in their place there comes a black and hideous chaos of all indecencies and immoralities1 a boundless and bottomless abyss of all imaginable and unspeakable horrors4 ,i shudder when ,i think how near ,i came to this hell of atheistical philosophy4 ,my inability entirely to extinguish my better instincts and affections1 prevented me from plunging headlong into its frightful depths4 ,it was more than ,i could do to carry out the atheistical principles of mere theoretical reasoning to its last results4 ,i was1 thank ,god1 on some points1 always inconsistent1 and my inconsistency was my salvation4 ,my heart preserved me in spite of my head4 ,but if ,i could not carry out my principle of trusting to mere reasoning to its full extent1 why did ,i act on it at all8 ,when ,i found that it led to utter degradation and ruin1 why did ,i not renounce it1 and trust once more in my native instincts8 ,when ,i found myself obliged to follow my heart in so many matters1 why not follow it in all8 ,i answer1 ,i had not a sufficient understanding of the matter4 ,i wanted more light4 ,but the course of study on which the remarks of my dear good friend ,mr4 ,mawson led me to enter1 led to clearer and correcter views on the subject4 ,it led to the conviction that instinct and natural affection are divine inspirations1--that the beliefs and practices to which they constrain us are the perfection of wisdom and goodness1--that to set them aside is inevitable ruin1--that whenever reason says one thing1 and our religious and moral affections and instincts say another1 we ought to turn a deaf ear to reason1 and follow implicitly the dictates of our moral and religious faculties4 ,and to this conviction1 resulting in a great measure from the remarks of my faithful and devoted friend1 ,i owe1 in part1 my present unspeakable happiness as a believer in ,christ4 #e4 ,i encountered two ,christian men in public discussion who left a favorable impression on my mind4 ,one was the ,rev4 ,andrew ,loose1 of ,winchester1 ,indiana4 ,the subject of discussion between me and ,mr4 ,loose was the divine authority of the ,bible4 ,he went through the whole debate1 which lasted several days1 without uttering one uncharitable1 scornful1 or angry word1 with the exception of a single phrase in his last speech2 and even that he meekly and generously recalled1 after ,i had satisfied him of its impropriety4 ,i never forgot the conduct of that dear good man1 and his ,christian meekness and forbearance had a good effect on my heart4 #f4 ,the other gentleman whose conduct left the most favorable impression of all on my mind1 was ,colonel ,shaw1 of ,bourtree ,park1 ,ayr1 ,scotland1 of whose gentlemanly behavior and great ,christian kindness ,i have already spoken4 #g4 ,there were some other persons who1 without assailing me with argument1 did me considerable good4 ,after lecturing at ,burnley once1 a person rose to oppose me1 and a great disturbance followed4 ,i was thrown from the platform1 and fell backward on the floor1 and a crowd of persons fell upon me1 and ,i had a narrow escape from death by violence and suffocation4 ,i was rescued however alive4 ,in the tumult my overcoat1 my hat1 and my watch disappeared1 and my body was somewhat bruised4 ,next day a gentleman who had heard of the way in which ,i had been treated1 came to my lodgings to see me4 ,he seemed very much distressed on my account1 and anxious1 if possible1 to do something which might minister comfort to my mind4 ,his name was ,philips4 ,he was a ,methodist1 and the son of a ,methodist preacher4 ,his kindness and sympathy were so genuine and so earnest1 that they made a deep impression on my mind1 and they naturally recur to my memory when ,i think of the friends whose influence helped to reclaim me from the miseries of doubt and unbelief4 #h4 ,about thirteen years ago ,i lectured at ,bacup4 ,the ,rev4 ,t4 ,lawson1 ,congregational minister of ,bacup1 attended my lectures1 and came and spoke to me afterwards1 and invited me to call and see him1 and dine with him4 ,i went1 and we had a lengthened conversation on matters pertaining to religion and the ,church4 ,my host exhibited a remarkable amount of ,christian charity and true liberality of sentiment4 ,he had been a reader of mine in his earlier days1 when ,i was an advocate of ,evangelical reform1 and he spoke of himself as my debtor2 and he was desirous1 if possible1 of repaying the debt1 by smoothing the way for my return to ,christianity4 ,mrs4 ,lawson sat and listened to our conversation in silence2 but when ,i rose to take my leave1 she bade me good-bye with most unmistakable evidences of interest in my welfare1 and said1 as she held me by the hand1 ,i hope we shall meet you in heaven4 ,i had one or two other interviews with ,mr4 ,lawson at a somewhat later period1 and all are to be placed among the means by which ,i was brought to my present happy position4 #i4 ,some nineteen years ago ,i had a public discussion with the ,rev4 ,charles ,williams1 ,baptist minister1 of ,accrington4 ,it was a very unpleasant affair4 ,i was much exhausted at the time with over much work1 and with long-continued and painful excitement caused by a very unpleasant piece of business which ,i had in hand2 and ,i did what ,i honorably could to avoid the discussion4 ,my friends1 however1 would have no nay1 and ,i reluctantly1 and in anything but an amiable temper1 made my appearance at the time appointed on the platform4 ,how far the blame was chargeable on me1 or how far it was chargeable on others1 ,i do not know2 but the first night's meeting was a very disagreeable one4 ,i thought myself in the right at the time1 but ,i fancy my unhappy state of mind must have rendered me very provoking1 and at the same time blinded me to the real character of my proceedings4 ,on the following night the discussion went on more smoothly1 and it ended better than it began4 ,i was constrained to regard ,mr4 ,williams as an able and good man4 ,i met him occasionally after my separation from the ,secularists1 and his behaviour and spirit deepened the favorable impression of his character already made on my mind4 ,while ,i was at ,burnley he delivered a lecture in that town on ,bishop ,colenso's work on the ,pentateuch4 ,i was present4 ,when he had done1 he invited me in the kindest way imaginable to speak4 ,i had heard next to nothing in the lecture to which ,i could object1 but much that ,i could heartily approve and applaud4 ,to all that he had said in praise of the ,bible ,i could subscribe most heartily4 ,indeed ,i felt that the ,bible was worthy of more and higher praise than he had bestowed on it1 and ,i expressed myself to that effect4 ,the meeting altogether was a very pleasant one1 except to a number of unbelievers1 who were dreadfully vexed at my remarks in commendation of the ,bible4 ,i saw ,mr4 ,williams repeatedly afterwards1 and his kind and interesting conversation1 and his very gentlemanly and ,christian demeanor1 had always a beneficial effect on my mind4 #aj4 ,one of the first to express a conviction that ,i should become a ,christian was an ,american lady1 whom ,i sometimes saw in ,london4 ,she had herself been an unbeliever1 but had been cured of her skepticism by spiritualism4 ,she was then a ,catholic4 ,she gave me a medal of the ,virgin ,mary1 and entreated me to wear it round my neck4 ,to please her ,i promised to do so4 ,but the medal disappeared before long1 and what became of it ,i never could tell2 but my friend had the satisfaction to see her prophecy fulfilled in my happy return to ,christianity4 #aa4 ,an acquaintance which ,i formed with the ,rev4 ,w4 ,newton1 of ,newcastle-on-,tyne1 must also be reckoned among the things which exerted an influence on my mind favorable to ,christianity4 ,mr4 ,newton had been a ,baptist in his earlier days1 but getting into perplexity with regard to certain doctrines1 he became a ,unitarian4 ,he came to feel however1 in course of time1 that something more than ,unitarianism was necessary to the satisfaction of his soul1 and to the salvation of the world2 and at the time that ,i became acquainted with him1 he had made up his mind to leave the ,unitarians4 ,on my way to the far-off regions of unbelief1 ,i had passed through the ,unitarian territory2 and ,i passed through the same territory1 or near to its border1 on my return to ,christianity2 and had it not been for my interviews with ,mr4 ,newton1 and a somewhat startling event or two that occurred about that period1 ,i might have lingered for a time in that cold and hungry land4 ,mr4 ,newton helped to quicken my steps1 and ,i moved onward1 and rested not1 till ,i found my way back to the paradise1 or a garden that very much resembled the paradise1 of my earlier days4 #ab4 ,mr4 ,j4 ,potts1 like ,mr4 ,j4 ,mawson1 without following me into the extremes of doubt1 retained his friendship for me through all my wanderings1 and never neglected any opportunity he had of showing me kindness4 ,and others1 whom ,i cannot take the liberty to name1 evinced the same unfailing constancy of esteem and love4 ,and the unbroken connexion that remained between my enduring friends and their amiable families and myself1 added to the attractions ,christ-ward1 and made it easier for my soul to return at last to its home of peace and rest4 #ac4 ,between thirteen and fourteen years ago1 while living in ,london1 ,i became acquainted with ,mr4 ,w4 ,white4 ,he had been reared a ,quaker1 but1 like most hard thinkers1 had had experience of doubt1 and was1 in consequence1 after his faith was re-established1 able to strengthen his doubting brethren4 ,he contributed to my conversion1 first by his enlightened conversation1 and then by a long1 kind1 ,christian letter on the ,bible1 by which he helped me over a number of difficulties which stood in the way of my faith4 #ad4 ,but perhaps none of the parties ,i have named1 had a more powerful and beneficial effect on my mind than one whom ,i have not yet mentioned4 ,if ,i had been asked thirteen years ago1 whether ,i supposed there was any minister in the ,methodist ,new ,connexion who regarded me with affectionate solicitude1 and who was wishful for an opportunity to speak to me words of love and tenderness1 ,i should have answered1 ,no4 ,if any one had told me that there really was one of my old associates1 with whom ,i had formerly had warm controversy1 not only on matters theological1 but on matters personal1 who had been watching my career for years1 with the deepest interest1 and who for months and years had been earnestly praying for me every day1 he would have seemed to me as one amusing himself with fables4 ,yet such was really the case4 ,with no one had ,i come in closer contact perhaps1 or in more frequent and violent collision1 than with the ,rev4 ,w4 ,cooke1 now ,dr4 ,cooke4 ,he had taken the lead in the proceedings against me in the ,ashton ,conference1 on account of my article on ,toleration1 ,human ,creeds1 c41 proceedings which had a most unhappy effect on my mind1 and which led1 at length1 to my separation from the ,church1 and to my alienation from ,christ4 ,he had taken an active part in the violent controversies which followed my expulsion from the ministry4 ,we had1 at a later period1 spent ten nights in public discussion on the leading doctrines of ,christianity4 ,he had1 in the performance of what he considered his duty ,i suppose in my case1 said things which had tried me terribly2 and ,i1 with ideas of duty differing from his1 had made him very liberal returns1 in a way not calculated to leave the most favorable or comfortable impressions on his mind towards me4 ,i had never seen him since our long discussion but once1 and then he seemed1 to my fancy1 to be struggling with an inward tempest of very unhappy feeling towards me1 which he was hardly able to keep from exploding4 ,i afterwards found though1 that ,i had not interpreted his looks on this occasion correctly4 ,at the time when ,i took my leave of the ,secularists1 my unpleasant feelings towards my old opponent had about subsided2 but ,i had no idea that his unpleasant feelings towards me had passed away4 ,yet such was the case4 ,he had been reading my periodical for some time1 and had been pleased to find that both on religion and politics1 ,i was returning1 though slowly1 to the views of my happier days4 ,some time in ,august1 #ahfb1 he called at my office in ,london1 with a parcel of books under his arm4 ,he had been praying for me daily for twelve months1 when something seemed to say to him1 ,you should do something more than pray4 ,and now he had come to try what he could do by a personal interview to aid the wanderer's return to ,christ4 ,i was from home at the time1 but my eldest son was in the office1 and he and the ,doctor were at once engaged in friendly conversation4 ,how like you are to what your father was four and thirty years ago1 when ,i first knew him1 said the ,doctor4 ,your father and ,i were great friends4 ,it was your father that first directed me to the study of ,latin and ,greek1 which have been of great service to me2 and ,i feel indebted to him on that account4 ,we were afterwards separated4 ,but ,i have observed1 as ,i think1 symptoms that your father is returning towards his former views4 ,and many other kind remarks he made4 ,at length he said1 ,do you think your father would accept a copy of my works8 ,my son1 who knew the state of his father's mind1 answered2 ,i am sure he would1 with great pleasure4 ,the ,doctor left copies of his works1 kindly inscribed to me with his own hand2 and with the books1 he left for me a kind and ,christian letter4 ,my son lost no time in forwarding me the letter1 together with an account of the pleasant and unlooked-for interview which he had had with the writer4 ,i received the letter1 and the interesting story with which it was accompanied1 with the greatest astonishment and pleasure4 ,i wrote to the ,doctor1 reciprocating his expressions of kindness1 and making the best returns ,i could for the valuable present of his works4 ,the result was a correspondence1 which has continued to the present time4 ,the correspondence led to interviews1 in which the ,doctor exhibited1 in a very striking manner1 the graces and virtues that adorn the ,christian character4 ,we talked1 we read1 we sang1 we prayed together1 and gave ,god thanks1 with tears of gratitude1 for all the blessings of ,his boundless love4 ,the effect of this kindness on the part of ,dr4 ,cooke was1 not only to free my mind from any remains of hurtful feelings towards him1 but to dispose me1 and enable me1 to review the claims of ,christianity and the ,bible in a spirit of greater fairness and candor1 and so to make it possible for me to become1 what ,i had long believed ,i never could become1 a hearty believer in the religion of ,christ4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,some ,,of ,,the ,,steps ,,by ,,which ,i ,,came ,,to ,,faith ,,in ,,christ4 ,i am not certain that ,i can state the exact process by which ,i passed from doubt and unbelief to faith in ,christ1 but the following1 ,i believe1 is very near the truth4 #a4 ,there was1 first1 a sense of the cheerlessness of unbelief--the sadness and the sorrow resulting from the loss of trust in ,god and hope of immortality1 and from the wretched prospect of a return to utter nothingness4 #b4 ,then came the distressing feeling of inability to comfort my afflicted or dying friends--my utter helplessness in the presence of sorrow1 grief and agony4 #c4 ,and then ,i found myself unable to account for the wonderful marks of design appearing in nature1 and especially in my own body1 without the acknowledgment of an intelligent ,deity4 ,the wonderful perfection and beauty of a flower or a feather would confound me2 while mysterious adaptations in my own frame would fill me with amazement4 ,darwin's theory of development relieved me for a time2 but ,i soon came to see that some of his explanations of natural phenomena were erroneous1 and that none of his facts proved the truth of his theory4 ,still later ,i found that ,darwin himself acknowledged that the evidences of design in the methods by which certain species of plants were fertilized1 were not only overpowering1 but startling4 #d4 ,then came dissatisfaction with the theories by which unbelievers sought to account for the existence and order of the universe4 ,they supposed the universe to be eternal1 and attributed the production of plants1 and animals1 and man to the blind unconscious working of lifeless matter4 ,they attributed to dead matter the powers which believers attributed to a living ,god4 ,they were obliged to believe that senseless atoms could produce works transcending the powers of the mightiest minds on earth4 ,to reconcile their belief in the eternity of the universe1 and in the unchanging properties of matter1 with the phenomena of change and progress1 they supposed an infinite succession of worlds1 or of beginnings and endings of the same world1 and imagined the earth running exactly the same course1 and having exactly the same history1 every time it came into existence4 ,hence it became with them an article of faith1 that we had ourselves lived an infinite number of times1 and should live an infinite number of times more in the future1 repeating always exactly the same life1 with exactly the same results4 ,it was also an article of faith that we were mere machines1 governed by powers over which we had no control2 that our ideas of liberty1 and our feelings of responsibility1 or of good and ill desert1 were all delusions2 that all the errors1 and crimes1 and miseries of our race were inevitable1 and were to be eternally repeated2 and that a change for the better was eternally impossible4 ,but time would fail me to mention all their theories4 ,it is enough to say that the wild and unsatisfactory nature of these dreams helped to drive me back to ,christianity4 #e4 ,there was1 of course1 no tendency in unbelief to promote virtue1 or to check vice4 ,its natural tendency was to utter depravity4 ,and ,christianity retained such an influence over me1 even to the last1 that ,i could never reconcile myself to a vicious life4 #f4 ,then came another trouble4 ,infidelity could give no guarantee that wrong should not finally triumph1 and right be finally crushed4 ,it is belief in ,god alone that can give assurance that virtue shall be ultimately rewarded1 and vice ultimately punished4 ,the ,christian can believe past doubt1 that ,whatsoever a man soweth1 that shall he also reap2 that with what judgment we judge1 we shall be judged2 and with what measure we mete1 it shall be measured to us again4 ,but the infidel has no foundation for such a faith4 ,for anything he knows1 a man may sow villany1 and reap honor and blessedness4 ,he may live by injustice and cruelty1 and meet with no punishment1 either here or hereafter2 while another may spend his days in doing good1 and give his life for the salvation of his fellows1 and receive only torture1 reproach1 and death4 ,nor is there any security for the triumph of truth on the infidel principle4 ,for anything infidelity knows1 truth may be always in the mire1 and its friends be forever reproached and shunned2 while error may always be in the ascendant1 and its propagators honored and rewarded4 ,indeed this is the case at present1 if infidelity be true4 ,for infidelity is in the dust1 while faith in ,god and ,christ is in high repute4 ,and infidels are suspected and dreaded1 while consistent believers are loved and trusted4 ,faith smoothes man's way through life1 and in some cases raises him to honor and power2 while ,atheism makes a man's pathway rugged1 and prevents his elevation4 ,this state of things is exceedingly unsatisfactory to unbelievers4 ,they ought1 if they are the wisest of men1 as they suppose1 to be everywhere received with honor4 ,they ought to be placed in power4 ,the world should ring with their praise4 ,the universe should enrich them with its treasures4 ,the names of their predecessors in unbelief should be had in the greatest honor4 ,they should stand first on the roll of fame4 ,their monuments should fill the earth4 ,the sweetest poets should sing their praises2 the most eloquent orators should proclaim their greatness2 and the nations should delight to celebrate their worth4 ,their pictures and statues should grace our courts1 our temples1 and our palaces4 ,their deeds should form the staple of our pleasant histories1 and their writings crowd the shelves of our libraries4 ,children should be taught to lisp their names with reverence1 and the aged should bless them with their parting breath4 ,on the other hand1 if religion be false and foolish1 if it be unnatural and mischievous1 its friends should be pitied or despised1 if not rebuked and punished4 ,its founders and propagators should be branded as the weakest or the basest of men4 ,their names should be had in contempt or abhorrence4 ,their writings should be everywhere decried4 ,their pictures and statues should fill some chamber of horrors4 ,historians1 poets1 and orators should hold them up to reprobation4 ,christians should be kept from places of trust1 and from posts of honor4 ,they should be wretched1 and poor1 and miserable1 and the hearts of men1 and the powers of nature1 should combine for their destruction1 and for the utter extinction of their cause4 ,yet the state of things is just the contrary4 ,christianity triumphs1 and ,christians are honored2 while infidelity languishes1 and its disciples are covered with shame4 ,on the ,atheist's theory the human race has existed for millions of years1 yet it has never produced more than a few individuals who have acknowledged the principle of his creed4 ,the mass of men1 in all ages1 have been believers in ,god4 ,the civilized as well as the savage1 the learned as well as the ignorant1 the high as well as the low1 alike have adored a ,deity4 ,even the greatest of our race have been believers4 ,the sweetest poets1 the profoundest philosophers1 the greatest statesmen1 the wisest legislators1 the most venerable judges1 the most devoted philanthropists1 have all believed in ,god4 ,two or three tribes have been found1 it is said1 without an idea of ,god2 but they were savages of the lowest grade2 and it is not yet settled whether the accounts that have been given of those wretched creatures be correct or not4 ,and ,atheism has always been regarded with horror4 ,it is so still4 ,it is believed to be the nurse of vice and crime4 ,atheists are everywhere looked upon with suspicion and dread4 ,the prevailing impression is that they are bad and dangerous men1--that no reliance is to be placed on their word1--that they are naturally licentious1 dishonest1 deceitful1 cruel1--that they are prepared for any enormity1--that they are enemies to domestic purity and civil order1 and that no one is safe in their power4 ,if ever they were regarded by mankind with favor1 the time is forgotten4 ,there is not a nation on earth in which they are popular now4 ,they are everywhere branded as infamous4 ,if ,atheists have always been so bad as to deserve this fate1 their principles must be bad4 ,if they have deserved a better fate1--if they have been pure1 and just1 and true1--if they have been remarkable for generosity1 patriotism1 and philanthropy1--if they have distinguished themselves as the friends of virtue1 and the benefactors of mankind1 how sad to think that they have never received their due at the hands of men4 ,the longer the ,atheists look on their condition1 the less satisfactory it appears4 ,they have no grand history1 no glorious names1 to reflect honor on their cause4 ,they have no noble army of martyrs4 ,they have no great monuments4 ,and they can have no assurance of anything better in days to come4 ,the probability is that their memory will rot1 and that their principles will be an offence and loathing to mankind through all succeeding generations4 ,but look on the other side8 ,the highest name on earth is a religious name2 the name of ,jesus4 ,the names which stand next in honor are those of ,his ,apostles and followers4 ,the mightiest nations on earth are ,christian nations4 ,christians rule the world4 ,christian ministers are honored and revered4 ,christian churches rise to wealth and power4 ,the ,church controls the state4 ,it controls it most when it is least ambitious1 and most consistent4 ,the ,church has a glorious history4 ,it has the grandest array of honorable names4 ,it has the noblest army of martyrs4 ,it has the richest literature4 ,its sacred books are read in all the leading languages of the earth4 ,the great geniuses are her's4 ,the richest poetry1 the grandest eloquence1 the divinest philosophy1 the noblest courage1 the richest generosity1 the most devoted philanthropy1 are all her's4 ,she has the credit of being the parent and the nurse of our highest civilization4 ,she is the great educator4 ,she builds our schools4 ,she rules our colleges4 ,she controls the press4 ,she plants new nations4 ,she spreads herself and exerts her influence in every land4 ,you cannot destroy the ,church4 ,it is immortal4 ,you cannot limit its power4 ,it is irresistibly expansive and invincible4 ,if at any time it suffers loss1 it is through its own unfaithfulness2 and a return to duty is a return to dominion4 ,even in countries not ,christian the religious element is supreme1 and the religious men alone are honored4 ,the greatest names in the history of ,india and ,china1 of ,persia and ,turkey1 are the names of their prophets and religious leaders4 ,what follows from all this8 ,that if infidelity be true and good1 and religion false and mischievous1 the world and the human race are wholly wrong4 ,the best and wisest men are everywhere despised1 and the weakest and wickedest are everywhere honored4 ,the originators of the greatest delusions are deified2 and the revealers of the greatest truths are regarded as monsters4 ,truth no longer can be said to be mighty1 and error can no longer be said to be weak4 ,the right is no longer sure of triumph1 nor the wrong of overthrow4 ,men love darkness and hate the light2 and it is not the few that do so1 but the many4 ,and there seems no hope of a change for the better4 ,earth is no place for the great1 the good1 the wise2 but for the ignorant1 the deluded1 and the base alone4 ,it is the paradise of fools1 and the purgatory of philosophers4 ,but ,i asked1 ,is infidelity true and good1 and religion false and mischievous8 ,am ,i not laboring under some monster delusion8 ,have ,i not been imposed upon by a vicious logic8 ,are not mankind right in hating and dreading infidelity1 and in loving and honoring religion8 ,there is a tremendous mistake somewhere4 ,either infidelity is wrong1 or mankind and the universe are fearfully perverse4 #g4 ,and now ,i began a reconsideration of the claims of religion and infidelity4 ,as ,i have said1 ,i re-read the ,bible4 ,i reviewed ,church history4 ,i examined the character and workings of religious communities4 ,and ,i found the ,bible a better and a wiser book than ,i had ever imagined4 ,and ,i found ,christianity1 as presented in the teachings and life of ,jesus1 the fairest and loveliest1 the most glorious and beneficent of all systems4 ,i found ,jesus ,himself to be the most beautiful and exalted of all characters4 ,i saw in ,paul a dignity and a glory second only to those of ,christ4 ,i found in the ,new ,testament the perfection of wisdom and beneficence4 ,i found in the history of the ,church a record of the grandest movement1 and of the most glorious and beneficent reformation1 the world had ever witnessed4 ,i found in the churches the mightiest agencies and the most manifold operations for the salvation of mankind4 ,christianity1 said ,i1 whether supernatural or not1 is a wondrous power4 ,it is good1 if it is not true4 ,it is glorious4 ,it deserves to be ,divine1 whether it be so or not4 ,what a world we should have1--what a heaven on earth--if men could be brought to believe its teachings1 to imbibe its spirit1 and to obey its precepts4 ,what a heaven of bliss it would be to one's soul if one could see it and feel it to be really true4 ,it had conquered my heart4 ,it had won my love4 ,and ,i would gladly have died1 or would gladly have lived through ages of hardship and toil1 to be satisfied of its divinity4 ,how glad ,i was when ,i found men heartily believing it4 ,how sad when ,i found them doubting1 like myself4 ,how delighted ,i was when ,i found my objections to its truth slowly fading away1 and saw facts in its favor coming gradually into view4 ,but doubt had become a powerful tyrant1 and ,i had become a slave2 and though ,i wished ,i could be a ,christian1 ,i could indulge no hope of ever experiencing so great a happiness4 ,but ,i would do ,christianity justice1 to the best of my ability4 ,i would exhibit its excellencies4 ,i would defend it against false accusations4 ,i would preach it so far as ,i honestly could4 ,i would practise its precepts so far as ,i was able4 ,i would cherish its spirit4 ,if it is not from ,god1 said ,i1 it is the best production of the mind of man4 ,if ,i cannot hold it forth as a divine revelation1 ,i can extol it as the perfection of human wisdom4 ,and some of its teachings are evidently true1 and others are easily proved to be so4 ,it is true throughout1 so far as ,i can test it2 and it may be true--perhaps ,i shall some day find it to be true--on points on which ,i am unable to test it at present4 ,i will wait1 and labor meanwhile to promote its beneficent influence6 ,i looked on the other side4 ,i read the ,secularists' ,bible3 ,i reviewed the history of unbelief2 ,i examined the character and working of infidel communities4 ,and what was the result6 ,the ,secularists' ,bible ,i found to be a huge and revolting mass of filth and loathsomeness2 the most shameless attack on virtue and happiness that ever came under my view4 ,i remembered that ,carlisle and ,robert ,owen had published books of the same immoral and dehumanizing tendency4 ,the history of infidelity ,i found to be a history of licentiousness1 and of every abomination4 ,the infidel communities ,i found to be hot-beds of depravity4 ,the leaders of the party were teachers and examples of deceit1 of dishonesty1 of intemperance1 of gambling1 and of unbounded licentiousness4 ,they had no virtue2 they had no conscience2 and it was only when they were in the presence of men of other views1 that they had any shame1 or modesty1 or regard for decency4 ,and they were fearfully intolerant and malignant towards those who crossed them1 or thwarted them1 in their projects4 ,they were no great workers1 but they would exert themselves to the utmost to annoy or vilify the objects of their displeasure4 ,the facts that came to my knowledge with regard to the morals of the ,secularists contributed to my deliverance from the thraldom of unbelief4 ,the honor awarded to ,christ1 and the infamy attached to infidelity1 are no mistakes4 ,jesus has never been exalted beyond ,his merits1 and infidelity has never been hated or dreaded beyond its deserts4 ,christianity is the sum and perfection of all that is good1 and true1 and glorious2 and atheism is the sum and aggravation of all that is vile1 and mischievous1 and miserable4 ,it would be sad for the world if men should lose their instinctive dread of infidelity1 and begin to speak of it as an error of little moment4 ,it is a monster conglomeration of all evil1 and it has no redeeming quality4 #h4 ,among the lectures which ,i delivered in my transition state was one in answer to the question2 ,what do you offer as a substitute for the ,bible8 ,can you give us anything better8 ,i said that ,i had no desire to do away with the ,bible2 that ,i wished them to read it1 study it1 and reduce the better part of its precepts to practice4 ,i said3 ,with those who would destroy the ,bible1 or prevent its circulation1 ,i have no sympathy and no connexion4 ,the ,bible is a book of great interest and value2 to say the least1 it presents us with the thoughts of the best and wisest of men1 on subjects of the greatest interest and importance2 it gives us the best picture of the life and manners of the nations and institutions of the ancient world2 it is a wonderful revelation of human nature2 it tells the most interesting stories2 it contains the grandest and most beautiful poetry1 the wisest proverbs1 the most faithful denunciations of vice and crime1 the most earnest exhortations to duty1 the best examples of virtue1 the most instructive and touching narratives of people of distinguished worth1 the most rational and practical definitions of religion1 the worthiest representations of ,god and the universe1 the greatest encouragement to fidelity under reproach and persecution1 the richest consolations under afflictions and trials1 and the most cheering exhibitions of future blessedness4 ,we know of nothing good in any system which is not favored by some portion of the ,bible4 ,we know of nothing evil which is not condemned by other portions4 ,all that is best and noblest and grandest in man's nature is there embodied4 ,we know of no good or generous feeling which is not there expressed4 ,we cannot imagine it possible for a book to be more earnest in its exhortations to the performance of duty1 or to the culture of virtue4 ,there is no book on earth that we should be more reluctant to part with than the ,bible4 ,its destruction would be a fearful loss to mankind4 ,it is a mine containing treasures of infinite value4 ,the wisest may learn more wisdom from its teachings1 and the best be raised to higher virtue by its influence4 ,it has done much good2 it is doing good still2 it is calculated to do still greater good in days to come4 ,old as it is1 it is a wiser book than the books of religion that are written in the present day4 ,it is wiser than the preachers2 wiser than the great divines4 ,it is infinitely superior to the ,bibles that have been made in later times1 such as the ,bible of the ,shakers1 the ,bible of ,reason1 and the ,book of ,mormon4 ,it is superior to the ,koran1 though the authors of the ,koran1 like later makers of ,bibles1 had the older ,bible to help them4 ,the ,koran is the best of modern ,bibles1 because it borrows most freely from the ,old and ,new ,testaments4 ,the ,bible is vastly better as a moral book1 and as a persuasive and help to duty1 than the writings of the best of the ancient ,greeks and ,romans4 ,the ,bible is consistent with itself as a moral teacher1 though the precepts of ,judaism are inferior to those of ,christianity4 ,the ,bible treats man as a subject of law1 as bound to obey ,god and do right1 from first to last2 and though it begins with fewer and less perfect precepts1 suited to lower states of society1 it goes steadily on to perfection1 till it gives us the highest law1 and the most perfect example1 in the teachings and life of ,christ4 ,read your ,bibles2 commit the better portions of the ,book to your memory2 think of them1 practise them4 ,don't be ashamed to do so4 ,the greatest philosophers1 not excepting such men as ,newton1 ,locke1 and ,boyle2 the most celebrated monarchs1 from ,alfred to ,victoria2 the most venerable judges1 with ,sir ,matthew ,hale as their representative2 the sweetest poets1 from ,chaucer1 ,spenser1 ,shakespeare1 and ,milton1 down to ,dryden1 ,young1 and ,cowper2 and the most devoted philanthropists1 from ,penn1 and ,howard1 and ,wesley1 to ,elizabeth ,fry and ,florence ,nightingale1 have been lovers and students of the ,bible4 ,the men that hate the ,bible and wish for its destruction1 are the base and bad4 ,the men who love it and labor for its world-wide circulation1 are the good and the useful4 ,you cannot have a better companion than the ,bible1 if you will use it judiciously4 ,there is no danger that you should rate it too high4 ,if you should regard it as supernaturally inspired1 it will do you no harm4 ,such ideas may make you read it more carefully1 and pay more respect to its teachings1 and that will be a blessing4 ,men are in no danger of prizing good books too highly4 ,as a rule1 they esteem them far too lightly4 ,a great good book is one of the richest treasures on earth4 ,there is still less danger that you should think too much of the ,bible4 ,the man does not live that has erred in that direction4 ,the best friends the ,bible has1 the most strenuous advocates of its divinity1 do not estimate the ,book above its worth4 ,they do not value it according to its worth4 ,it is richer in its contents1 it is better and mightier in its influences1 than its devoutest friends are aware4 ,there are men who prate about ,bibliolatry1 and labor to lower men's estimate of the ,bible4 ,they may spare their breath4 ,the people who idolize the ,bible too much are creatures of their own imagination only1 and not living men and women4 ,people may love the ,bible unwisely1 but not too well4 ,to place it too high as a means of instructing1 regenerating and blessing mankind1 is not in man's power4 ,i esteem it myself more highly than ,i ever did4 ,my ramblings in the regions of doubt and unbelief2 my larger acquaintance with the works of infidel philosophers1 atheistical reformers1 fanatical dreamers1 re-organizers of society1 makers of new moral worlds1 skeptical historians of civilization1 ,essays and ,reviews1 ,elements of ,social ,science1 ,phases of ,faith1 and ,phases of no ,faith1 and a world of other books2 my enlarged acquaintance with men1 my sense of spiritual want and wretchedness when shut out from religious consolations1 have led me to value the ,bible1 skeptical as ,i yet am1 as ,i never valued it before4 ,i was born in a town on a hill1 from which ,i had delightful views of a rich and beautiful valley4 ,i looked on those beautiful prospects spread out before me1 with their charming variety of scenery1 from my earliest days1 to the time ,i left my native land1 but ,i have no recollection that ,i ever experienced in those early times any large amount of pleasure from the sight4 ,in course of time ,i left the place of my birth and the home of my childhood1 and visited other lands4 ,i saw rivers and lakes1 and mountains and plains1 and forests and prairies in great abundance1 and in almost endless variety4 ,and ,i compared them one with another1 and marked their points of difference and resemblance4 ,and then after my many and long wanderings1 ,i returned to the place of my birth1 and looked on the scenes of my childhood again2 and ,i was lost in ecstacies4 ,i was amazed that ,i had seen so little of their beauty1 and been so little transported with their charms before4 ,and so with regard to the ,bible4 ,i was born in a family in which the ,bible was read every day of the year4 ,i heard its lessons from the lips of a venerable father1 and of a most affectionate mother4 ,i read the book myself4 ,i studied it when ,i came of age1 and treasured up many of its teachings in my heart4 ,i preached its truths to others4 ,i defended its teachings against infidel assailants1 and was eloquent in its praise4 ,but a change took place2 a strange1 unlooked-for change4 ,i was severed from the ,church4 ,i became an unbeliever4 ,i turned away my eyes from the book1 or looked chiefly on such portions of it as seemed to justify my unbelief4 ,i have been led of late to return to the book1 and to study it with a desire to do it justice2 and the result is1 ,i love it1 ,i prize it1 as ,i never did in my life4 ,i read it at times with unshakable transports1 and ,i am sorry ,i should ever have been so insensible to its infinite excellences4 ,such was my lecture4 ,those who had come to oppose1 seemed puzzled what to say4 ,one man said ,i had been brought there to curse the ,bible1 and lo6 ,i had blessed it altogether4 ,another said that what ,i had uttered could not be my real sentiments--that my praise of the ,bible must be a trap or a snare4 ,my answer was1 ,they are my real convictions1 and the sentiments that ,i publish in my weekly paper4 ,then how comes it that you are brought here by the ,secularists8 ,i answered1 ,my custom is to accept invitations from any party1 but to teach my own sentiments4 ,one young man came to me at ,bristol1 after hearing me deliver this lecture1 and said how glad he was at what ,i had said4 ,when my mother was dying1 said he1 she gave me a ,bible1 and pressed me to read it2 and ,i did so for a while4 ,but when ,i became a skeptic1 ,i lost my interest in the book1 and ,i didn't know what to do with it4 ,i didn't like to sell it1 or destroy it1 because it was the gift of my mother2 yet ,i seemed to have no use for it4 ,i shall read it now with pleasure4 ,on the following evening ,i lectured on ,true ,religion4 ,the gentleman who had come to oppose me said it was the best sermon1 or about the best1 he had over heard4 ,he seemed at a loss to know what right ,i had to speak so earnestly in favor of all that was good1 and appeared inclined to abuse me for not saying something bad4 ,i took all calmly1 and the meeting ended pleasantly4 #i4 ,and now1 instead of trying to shake men's faith in religion1 ,i labored to strengthen it4 ,i was satisfied that the faith of the ,christian was right in substance1 if it was not quite right in form4 ,and ,i was satisfied there was something terribly wrong in unbelief1 though ,i could not yet free myself entirely from its horrible power4 #aj4 ,the feeling grew stronger that my remaining doubts were unreasonable2 that my soul was a slave to an evil spell1 the result of long persistence in an evil method of reasoning2 yet ,i lacked the power to emancipate myself4 ,at length1 as ,i have said1 ,i appealed to ,heaven and cried1 ,,god ,,help ,,me6 and my struggling soul was strengthened and released4 #aa4 ,i had looked at the ,church when a ,christian minister from the highest ground1 and it seemed too low4 ,i had compared it with ,christ and ,his teachings1 and it seemed full of shortcomings4 ,i now looked at it from low ground1 and it seemed high4 ,i compared it with what ,i had seen in infidel society1 and read in infidel books2 and ,i was filled with admiration of its order1 and of its manifold labors of love4 ,i tried to imitate the order and beneficent operations of the ,church in my ,burnley society1 but failed4 ,faith in ,christianity1 and the spirit of its glorious ,author1 were wanting4 ,the body without the spirit is dead4 #ab4 ,i was first convinced that ,christianity was necessary to the happiness of man1 and to the regeneration of the world1 but had doubts as to its truth4 ,i now saw that much of it was true4 ,in course of time ,i came to be satisfied that the religion of ,christ was true as a whole2 that it was a revelation from ,god2 that ,christ ,himself was a revelation both of what ,god is1 and of what man ought to be2 that ,he was ,god's image and man's model3 that ,he was ,god incarnate1 ,god manifest in the flesh1 and the one great ,saviour of mankind4 ,my objections to miracles gave way4 ,they seemed groundless4 ,i saw miracles in nature4 ,they were wrought on every emergency1 even to secure the comfort of the lower animals4 ,what could be more rational than to expect them to be wrought in aid of man's illumination and salvation8 ,my moral and religious feelings got stronger4 ,my skeptical tendencies grew weaker4 ,i continued to look at ,christ4 ,i studied him more and more4 ,my heart waxed warmer2 my love to ,god and ,christ became a mighty flame4 ,i got among the followers of ,christ2 ,i gave free scope1 ,i gave full play1 to my better affections1 and heavenward tendencies4 ,i read1 ,i prayed1 ,i wrote1 ,i lectured1 ,i preached4 ,i gave free utterance to what ,i believed1 and while doing so1 came to believe still more1 and to believe with fuller assurance4 ,i used no violence with myself1 except my lower self4 ,i went no further in my preaching than ,i had gone in my belief1 and ,i accepted no doctrines or theories which did not present themselves to my soul as true and right4 ,but ,i came at length to see1 not the perfection and divinity of any particular system of theology1 but the perfection and divinity of ,christianity1 and the substantial perfection and divinity of the ,sacred ,scriptures4 #ac4 ,i examined the popular objections to ,christianity and the ,bible4 ,some were exceedingly childish2 some seemed wicked2 some1 it was plain1 originated in ignorance2 some in error4 ,paine1 ,owen1 ,parker1 and certain students of nature1 came to erroneous conclusions with regard to ,christ and the ,bible1 because they tried them by false standards4 ,jesus said nothing on the value of representative and democratic forms of government1 so ,paine considered ,him ignorant of the conditions of human happiness4 ,it was ,paine however that was ignorant1 not ,jesus4 ,jesus was so wise1 that ,paine was not able to appreciate ,his views or do ,him justice4 ,owen believed that man was the creature of circumstances2 that his character was formed for him1 not by him1 and that he was not responsible therefore for his actions4 ,christ taught a contrary doctrine4 ,owen therefore considered ,christ to be in error3 but the error was in himself4 ,parker did not believe in the possibility of miracles3 but the ,bible contained accounts of miracles4 ,the ,bible therefore must be pronounced1 to a great extent1 fabulous4 ,but miracles are possible2 miracles are actual1 palpable realities1 and ,parker's objection falls to the ground4 ,many smatterers in science object to the credibility of the gospel history on the same ground1 and are answered in the same way4 ,some objections to the ,bible and ,christianity originate in misinterpretations of portions of the ,bible4 ,the ,scriptures are made answerable for foolish doctrines which they do not teach4 ,some objections seem based on a wilful misconstruction of passages of ,scripture4 ,many objections owe their force to wrong theories of ,divine inspiration1 and to erroneous notions with regard to the design of the ,sacred ,scriptures put forth by certain divines4 ,these are obviated by the rejection of those unwarrantable theories and erroneous ideas1 and the acceptance of better ones4 ,many get wrong notions about what constitutes the perfection of the ,bible1 and look in the ,scriptures for a kind of perfection which is impossible in a book written in human language1 and meant for the instruction and education of imperfect human beings4 ,there is not a language on earth that is absolutely perfect1 nor is it likely that there ever was1 or ever will be1 such a language4 ,an absolutely perfect book therefore in any human language is an impossibility4 ,but no such thing as an absolutely perfect book is necessary or desirable1 any more than an absolutely perfect body or soul1 or an absolutely perfect church or ministry4 ,there is a kind of imperfection in ,god's works which constitutes their perfection4 ,there is a kind of perfection talked about by metaphysical divines1 which would be the extreme of imperfection4 ,we have reason to be thankful that there is no such perfection either in ,nature or the ,bible4 ,nature and the ,bible would be worthless if there were4 ,but there is a practical perfection1 a perfection of usefulness1 in both2 a perfection of adaptation to the accomplishment of the highest and most desirable objects3 and that is enough4 ,the principal objects for which the ,bible was written were1 #a4 ,to make men wise unto salvation through faith in ,christ ,jesus4 #b4 ,to furnish ,god's people unto every good work4 #c4 ,to support them under their trials1 and to comfort them under their sorrows1 on their way to heaven4 ,no higher or more desirable ends can be conceived4 ,and it answers these ends1 whenever its teachings are received and obeyed4 ,and this is true1 substantial perfection4 ,this is the reasoning of the ,psalmist4 ,the law of the ,lord is perfect1 says he1 and the proof he gives is this1 it converteth the soul4 ,the testimony of the ,lord is sure1 making wise the simple4 ,the statutes of the ,lord are right1 rejoicing the heart4 ,moreover by them is ,thy servant warned1 and in keeping of them there is great reward4 ,this is all the perfection we need4 #ad4 ,spiritualism had something to do with my conversion4 ,i know the strong feeling prevailing among many ,christians against spiritualism1 but ,i should feel as if ,i had not quite done my duty1 if ,i did not1 to the best of my recollection1 set down the part it had in the cure of my unbelief4 ,my friends must therefore bear with me while ,i give them the following particulars3-- ,as ,i travelled to and fro in ,america1 fulfilling my lecturing engagements1 ,i met with a number of persons who had been converted1 by means of spiritualism1 from utter infidelity1 to a belief in ,god and a future life4 ,several of those converts told me their experience1 and pressed me to visit some medium myself1 in hopes that ,i might witness something that would lead to my conversion4 ,i was1 at the time1 so exceedingly skeptical1 that the wonderful stories which they told me1 only caused me to suspect them of ignorance1 insanity1 or dishonesty2 and the repetition of such stories1 to which ,i was compelled to listen in almost every place ,i visited1 had such an unhappy effect on my mind1 that ,i was strongly tempted to say1 ,all men are liars4 ,i had so completely forgotten1 or explained away1 my own previous experiences1 and ,i was so far gone in unbelief1 that ,i had no confidence whatever in anything that was told me about matters spiritual or supernatural4 ,i might have the fullest confidence imaginable in the witnesses when they spoke on ordinary subjects1 but ,i could not put the slightest faith in their testimony when they told me their stories about spiritual matters4 ,and though fifty or a hundred persons1 in fifty or a hundred different places1 without concert with each other1 and without any temptation of interest1 told me similar stories1 their words had not the least effect on my mind4 ,the most credible testimony in the world was utterly powerless1 so far as things spiritual were concerned4 ,and when the parties whose patience ,i tried by my measureless incredulity1 entreated me to visit some celebrated medium1 that ,i might see and judge for myself1 ,i paid not the least regard to their entreaties4 ,i was wiser in my own conceit than all the believers on earth4 ,at length1 to please a particular friend of mine in ,philadelphia1 ,i visited a medium called ,dr4 ,redman4 ,it was said that the proofs given through him of the existence and powers of departed spirits were such as no one could resist4 ,my friend and his family had visited this medium1 and had seen things which to them seemed utterly unaccountable1 except on the supposition that they were the work of disembodied spirits4 ,when ,i entered ,dr4 ,redman's room1 he gave me eight small pieces of paper1 about an inch wide and two inches long1 and told me to take them aside1 where no one could see me1 and write on them the names of such of my departed friends as ,i might think fit1 and then wrap them up like pellets and bring them to him4 ,i took the papers1 and wrote on seven of them the names of my father and mother1 my eldest and my youngest brothers1 a sister1 a sister-in-law1 and an aunt1 one name on each2 and one ,i left blank4 ,i retired to a corner of the room to do the writing1 where there was neither glass nor window1 and ,i was so careful not to give any one a chance of knowing what ,i wrote1 that ,i wrote with a short pencil1 so that even the motion of the top of my pencil could not be seen4 ,i was besides entirely alone in that part of the room1 with my face to the dark wall4 ,the bits of paper which the medium had given me were soft1 so that ,i had no difficulty in rolling them into round pellets1 about the size of small peas4 ,i rolled them up1 and could no more have told which was blank and which was written on1 nor which1 among the seven ,i had written on1 contained the name of any one of my friends1 and which the names of the rest1 than ,i can tell at this moment what is taking place in the remotest orbs of heaven4 ,having rolled up the papers as described1 ,i laid them on a round table1 about three feet broad4 ,i laid on the table at the same time a letter1 wrapped up1 but not sealed1 written to my father1 but with no address outside4 ,i also laid down a few loose leaves of note paper4 ,the medium sat on one side the table1 and ,i sat on the other1 and the pellets of paper and the letter lay between us4 ,we had not sat over a minute1 ,i think1 when there came very lively raps on the table1 and the medium seemed excited4 ,he seized a pencil1 and wrote on the outside of my letter1 wrong side up1 and from right to left1 so that what he wrote lay right for me to read1 these words3 ,i ,,came ,,in ,,with ,,you1 ,,but ,,you ,,neither ,,saw ,,me ,,nor ,,felt ,,me4 ,,william ,,barker4 ,and immediately he seized me by the hand1 and shook hands with me4 ,this rather startled me4 ,i felt very strange4 ,for ,,william ,,barker was the name of my youngest brother1 who had died in ,ohio some two or three years before4 ,i had never named him1 ,i believe1 in ,philadelphia1 and ,i have no reason to suppose that any one in the city was aware that ,i had ever had such a brother1 much less that he was dead4 ,i did not tell the medium that the name that he had written was the name of a brother of mine2 but ,i asked1 ,is the name of this person among those written in the paper pellets on the table8 ,the answer was instantly given by three loudish raps1 ,yes4 ,i asked1 ,can he select the paper containing his name8 ,the answer1 given as before1 was ,yes4 ,the medium then took up first one of the paper pellets and then another1 laying them down again1 till he came to the fifth1 which he handed to me4 ,i opened it out1 and it contained my brother's name4 ,i was startled again1 and felt very strange4 ,i asked1 ,will the person whose name is on this paper answer me some questions8 ,the answer was1 ,yes4 ,i then took part of my note paper1 and with my left hand on edge1 and the top of my short pencil concealed1 ,i wrote1 ,where d----1 intending to write1 ,where did you die8 ,but as soon as ,i had written ,where d----1 the medium reached over my hand and wrote1 upside down1 and backwards way1 as before1-- ,put down a number of places1 and ,i will tell you4 ,thus answering my question before ,i had had time to ask it in writing4 ,i then wrote down a list of places1 four in all1 and pointed to each separately with my pencil1 expecting raps when ,i touched the right one2 but no raps came4 ,the medium then said1 ,write down a few more4 ,i then discovered that ,i had not1 at first1 written down the place where my brother died3 so ,i wrote down two more places1 the first of the two being the place where he died4 ,the list then stood thus3-- ,,salem1 ,,leeds1 ,,ravenna1 ,,akron1 ,,cuyahoga ,,falls1 ,,new ,,york4 ,the medium then took his pencil1 and moved it between the different names1 till he came to ,,cuyahoga ,,falls1 which he scratched out4 ,that was the name of the place where he died4 ,i then wrote a number of other questions1 in no case giving the medium any chance of knowing by any ordinary means what ,i wrote1 and in every case he answered the questions in writing as he had done before2 and in every case but one the answers were such as to show1 both that the answerer knew what questions ,i had asked1 and was acquainted with the matters to which they referred4 ,when ,i had asked some ten or a dozen questions1 the medium said1 ,there is a female spirit wishes to communicate with you4 ,is her name among those on the table8 ,i asked4 ,the answer1 in three raps1 was1 ,yes4 ,can she select the paper containing her name8 ,i asked4 ,the answer again was1 ,yes4 ,the medium then took up one of the paper pellets1 and put it down2 then took up and put down a second2 and then took up a third and handed it to me4 ,i was just preparing to undo it1 to look for the name1 when the medium reached over as before1 and wrote on a leaf of my note paper-- ,,it ,,is ,,my ,,name4 ,,elizabeth ,,barker4 ,and the moment he had written it1 he stretched out his hand1 smiling1 and shook hands with me again4 ,whether it really was so or not1 ,i will not say1 but his smile seemed the smile of my mother1 and the expression of his face was the old expression of my mother's face2 and when he shook hands with me1 he drew his hand away in the manner in which my mother had always drawn away her hand4 ,the tears started into my eyes1 and my flesh seemed to creep on my bones4 ,i felt stranger than ever4 ,i opened the paper1 and it was my mother's name3 ,,elizabeth ,,barker4 ,i asked a number of questions as before1 and received appropriate answers4 ,but ,i had seen enough4 ,i felt no desire to multiply experiments4 ,so ,i came away--sober1 sad1 and thoughtful4 ,i had a particular friend in ,philadelphia1 an old unbeliever1 called ,thomas ,illman4 ,he was born at ,thetford1 ,england1 and educated1 ,i was told1 for the ministry in the ,established ,church4 ,he was remarkably well informed4 ,i never met with a skeptic who had read more or knew more on historical or religious subjects1 or who was better acquainted with things in general1 except ,theodore ,parker4 ,he was the leader of the ,philadelphia ,freethinkers1 and was many years president of the ,sunday ,institute of that city4 ,he told me1 many months before ,i paid my visit to ,dr4 ,redman1 that he once paid him a visit1 and that he had seen what was utterly beyond his comprehension1--what seemed quite at variance with the notion that there was no spiritual world1--and what compelled him to regard with charity and forbearance the views of ,christians on that subject4 ,at the time he told me of these things1 ,i had become rather uncharitable towards the ,spiritualists1 and very distrustful of their statements1 and the consequence was1 that his account of what he had witnessed1 and of the effect it had had on his mind1 made but little impression on me4 ,but when ,i saw things resembling what my friend had seen1 his statements came back to my mind with great power1 and helped to increase my astonishment4 ,but my friend was now dead1 and ,i had no longer an opportunity of conversing with him about what we had seen4 ,this ,mr4 ,illman was the gentleman mentioned on a former page1 whom ,i attended on his bed of death4 ,the result of my visit to ,dr4 ,redman was1 that ,i never afterwards felt the same impatience with ,spiritualists1 or the same inclination to pronounce them all foolish or dishonest1 that ,i had felt before4 ,it was plain1 that whether their theory of a spirit world was true or not1 they were excusable in thinking it true4 ,it looked like truth4 ,i did not myself conclude from what ,i had seen1 that it was true1 but ,i was satisfied that there was more in this wonderful universe than could be accounted for on the coarse materialistic principles of ,atheism4 ,my skepticism was not destroyed1 but it was shaken and confounded4 ,and now1 when ,i look back on these things1 it seems strange that it was not entirely swept away4 ,but believing and disbelieving are habits1 and they are subject to the same laws as other habits4 ,you may exercise yourself in doubting till you become the slave of doubt4 ,and this was what ,i had done4 ,i had exercised myself in doubting1 till my tendencies to doubt had become irresistible4 ,my faith1 both in ,god and man1 seemed entirely gone4 ,i had not1 so far as ,i can see1 so much as a grain of mustard seed left4 ,so far as religious matters were concerned1 ,i was insane4 ,it makes me sad to think what a horrible extravagance of doubt had taken possession of my mind4 ,a thousand thanks to ,god for my deliverance from that dreadful thraldom4 #ae4 ,i have been asked how ,i meet my own old objections to the ,divine authority of the ,bible4 ,i answer1 some of them originated in misinterpretations of ,scripture4 ,others originated in mistakes with regard to the character of ,christ4 ,some things which ,i regarded as defects in ,christ were1 in truth1 excellencies4 ,some were based on mistakes with regard to the truth of certain doctrines1 and the value of certain precepts4 ,i looked on certain doctrines as false1 which ,i now am satisfied are true2 and ,i regarded certain precepts as bad1 which ,i am now persuaded are good4 ,some things which ,i said about the ,bible were true1 but they proved nothing against its substantial perfection and divinity4 ,much of what ,i said in my speech at ,salem1 ,ohio1 about the imperfection of all translations of the ,scriptures1 the various readings of ,greek and ,hebrew manuscripts1 the defects of ,greek and ,hebrew compilations1 and the loss of the original manuscripts1 was true2 but it amounted to nothing4 ,it disproved the unguarded statements of certain rash divines2 but it proved nothing against the divine inspiration or substantial perfection of the ,bible as taught in the ,bible itself1 and as held by divines of the more enlightened and sober class4 ,that which is untrue in what ,i wrote about the ,scriptures is no longer an obstacle to my faith1 now that ,i see it to be untrue4 ,and those remarks which are true in my writings on the ,bible give me no trouble1 because my faith in ,bible inspiration is of such a form1 that they do not affect it4 ,they might shake the faith of a man who believes in a kind of inspiration of the ,bible which is unscriptural1 and in a kind of perfection of the ,book which is impossible2 but they do not affect the faith of a man who keeps his belief in ,bible inspiration and ,bible perfection within the bounds of ,scripture and reason4 ,and here ,i may say a few words about the objections ,i advanced in my debate with ,dr4 ,berg4 #a4 ,the great mass of those objections prove nothing against the ,bible itself1 as the great and divinely appointed means of man's religious instruction and improvement4 ,they simply show that the theory held by ,dr4 ,berg about the inspiration and absolute perfection of the book was erroneous4 ,if ,dr4 ,berg had modified his notions1 and brought them within ,scriptural bounds1 this class of objections would all have fallen to the ground4 #b4 ,but some of my statements were untrue and unjust4 ,for instance1 in one case ,i said1 ',the man who forms his ideas of ,god from the ,bible can hardly fail to have blasphemous ideas of ,him4' ,now1 from the account of the ,creation in ,genesis1 to the last chapter in ,revelation1 the one grand idea presented of ,god is that ,he is good1 and that ,his delight is to do good1--that ,he is good to all1 and that ,his tender mercies are over all ,his works4 ,whatever may be said of a few passages of dark or doubtful meaning1 the whole drift of the ,bible is in accordance with that wonderful1 that unparalleled oracle of the ,apostle1 ',,god ,,is ,,love4' #c4 ,another statement that ,i made was1 that the man who studies ,god in ,nature1 without the ,bible1 is infinitely likelier to get worthier views of ,god1 than he who gets his ideas of ,god from the ,bible without regard to ,nature4 ,now the truth is1 no man can get his ideas of ,god from the ,bible without regard to ,nature2 for the ,bible constantly refers to ,nature as a revelation of ,god1 and represents ,nature as exhibiting the grandest displays of ,god's boundless and eternal goodness4 ,the ,bible and ,nature are in harmony on the character of ,god4 ,the only difference is1 that the revelations of ,god's love in the ,bible1 and especially in ,christ1 are more striking1 more overpowering and transforming than those of ,nature4 ,and lastly1 the notions of ,god entertained by those who have the light of ,nature alone1 are not to be compared with the views entertained by those who form their views of ,god from the ,bible alone1 or from the ,bible and ,nature conjoined4 #d4 ,one of my strongest objections was based on the #ajith ,psalm4 ,this ,psalm contains strong expressions of revenge and hatred towards the enemy of the ,psalmist4 ,the answer to this objection is1 #a4 ,that the ,psalmist is not set up as our great example1 and that his utterances are not given as the highest manifestation of goodness4 #b4 ,the ,psalms are exceedingly instructive and interesting1 and must have been of immense value1 both as a means of comfort and improvement1 to those to whom they were first given2 but the perfection of divine revelation was yet to come4 ,the ,psalms are of incalculable value still1 but they are not our standard of the highest virtue4 ,john the ,baptist was greater1 higher1 better than the ,psalmist2 yet the least of the followers of ,jesus is higher than he4 #c4 ,but thirdly2 we must not conclude that the feelings and expressions of the ,psalmist were wicked1 merely because they fell short of the highest ,christian virtue4 ',revenge1' says one of our wisest men1 'is a wild kind of justice2' but it is justice notwithstanding1 when called forth by real and grievous wrong4 ,it is goodness1 though not goodness of the highest kind4 ,it is virtue1 though not perfect ,christian virtue4 ,and the revenge of the ,psalmist was provoked by wrong of the most grievous description4 ,read the account of the matter given in the ,psalm itself4 ',hold not thy peace1 ,o ,god of my praise2 for the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened against me3 they have spoken against me with a lying tongue4 ,they compassed me about also with words of hatred2 and fought against me without a cause4 ,for my love they are my adversaries3 but ,i give myself unto prayer4 ,and they have rewarded me evil for good1 and hatred for my love4' ,this was injustice1 ingratitude1 cruelty of the most grievous kind4 ,and these wrongs had been continued till his health and strength wore reduced to the lowest point4 ',i am gone1' says he1 'like the shadow when it declineth4 ,my knees are weak2 my flesh faileth2 so that when men look at me1 they shake their heads4' ,and a similar cause is assigned for the revengeful expressions in the #fith ,psalm4 ,there we find the persecuted ,psalmist saying1 ,they that hate me1 and would destroy me1 are my enemies wrongfully1 and they are many and mighty4 ,then ,i restored that which ,i took not away4 ,for thy sake have ,i borne reproach3 the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me4 ,i was the song of the drunkards4 ,reproach hath broken my heart2 and ,i am full of heaviness3 and ,i looked for some one to take pity1 but there was none2 and for comforters1 but none appeared4 ,thus the men that wronged and tormented the ,psalmist were enemies to ,god and goodness1 as well as to himself4 ,we know that the virtue of the injured and tormented ,psalmist was not the virtue of the ,gospel2 but it was virtue4 ,it was the virtue of the law4 ,and the law was holy1 just1 and good1 so far as it went4 ,if the resentment of the ,psalmist had been cherished against some good or innocent man1 it would have been wicked2 as it was1 it was righteous4 ,true1 if the ,psalmist had lived under the better and brighter dispensation of ,christianity1 he would neither have felt the reproaches heaped on him so keenly1 nor moaned under them so piteously1 nor resented them so warmly4 ,he might then have learned ,to hate the sin with all his heart1 ,and still the sinner love4 ,he might have counted reproach and persecution matters for joy and gladness4 ,and instead of calling for vengeance on his enemies1 he might have cried1 ,father1 forgive them2 for they know not what they do4 ,but the ,psalmist did not live under the dispensation of the ,gospel4 ,he lived under a system which1 good as it was1 made nothing perfect4 ,and he acted in accordance with that system4 ,and the intelligent ,christian1 and the enlightened lover of the ,bible1 will not be ashamed either of the ,psalmist1 or of the ,book which gives us the instructive and interesting revelations of his experience4 #e4 ,another of my objections to the ,bible was grounded on the statement1 that ,god visits the iniquities of the fathers on the children4 ,but it is a fact1 first1 that children do suffer through the sins of their fathers4 ,the children of drunkards1 thieves1 profligates1 all suffer through the misdoings of their parents4 ,it is also a fact1 that men generally suffer through the misdoings of their fellow-men4 ,we all suffer through the vices of our neighbors and countrymen4 ,the sins of idlers1 spendthrifts1 misers1 drunkards1 gluttons1 bigots1 persecutors1 tyrants1 thieves1 murderers1 corrupt politicians1 and sinners of every kind1 are in this sense visited on us all4 ,and we derive advantages on the other hand from the virtues of the good4 ,and it would be a strange world1 if no one could help or hurt another4 ,it is better things are as they are4 ,the advantages we receive from the good1 tend to draw us to imitate their virtues4 ,the sufferings entailed on us by the bad1 tend to deter us from their vices4 ,and so it is with parents and children4 ,children are specially prone to imitate their parents4 ,if they never suffered from the evil ways of their parents1 they would be in danger of walking in those ways themselves for ever4 ,when they suffer keenly from their parents' misdoings1 there is ground to hope that they will themselves do better4 ,i have known persons who were made teetotalers through the sufferings brought on them by the drunkenness of their fathers4 ,and on the other hand2 the blessings entailed on children by the virtue of their parents1 tend to draw them to goodness4 ,and ,i have known fathers1 who would venture on evil deeds when they thought only of the suffering they might bring on themselves1 who have been staggered1 and have shrunk from their contemplated crimes1 when they have thought of the ruin they might bring on their children4 ,and where is the good parent who is not more powerfully stimulated to virtue and piety by thoughts of the blessings which he may secure thereby to his offspring8 ,the whole arrangement1 by which our conduct is made to entail good or evil on others1 and by which the conduct of others is made to entail good or evil on us1 tends to engage us all more earnestly in the war with evil1 and to make us labor more zealously for the promotion of knowledge and righteousness among all mankind4 #f4 ,another of my objections to the ,bible was based on those passages which represent ,god as causing men to do bad deeds4 ,joseph tells his brethren1 that it was not they1 but ,god1 who sent him into ,egypt4 ,david says1 ',let ,shimei curse2 for ,god hath bidden him4' ,of course1 the words of men like ,joseph and ,david are not always the words of ,god4 ,but ,jesus ,himself speaks of ,judas as appointed or destined to his deed of treachery4 ,what can we make of such passages8 ,does ,god make men wicked1 or cause them to sin8 ,we answer1 ,no4 ,how is it then8 ,we answer1 ,what ,god does is this3 when men have made themselves wicked1 ,he turns their wickedness to good account1 by causing it to show itself in some particular way rather than in some other4 ,god did not make the brethren of ,joseph envious and malicious2 but he caused their envy and malice to induce them to sell their brother into ,egypt1 rather than to kill him and throw him into a pit4 ,the wickedness was their own2 the particular turn given to it was of ,god4 ,god did not make ,shimei a base1 bad man2 but ,shimei having become base and bad1 ,god chose that his villany should spend itself on ,david1 rather than on some other person4 ,god did not make ,judas a thief and a traitor2 but ,judas having made himself so1 ,god so places him1 that his avarice1 his dishonesty and his treachery shall minister to the accomplishment of a great beneficent design4 ,god did not teach the spirits that deceived ,ahab to lie2 but those spirits having given themselves to lying1 ,god chose that they should practise their illusions on ,ahab rather than on others4 ,god did not make ,pharaoh mean or tyrannical2 but ,pharaoh having become so1 ,god chooses to employ his evil dispositions in bringing about remarkable displays of ,his power4 ,god does not make politicians corrupt2 but politicians having become corrupt1 ,god chooses to place them in positions in which they can rob1 and torment1 and dishonor us1 and so incite us to labor more zealously for the ,christianization of our country4 ,a man becomes a thief1 and says1 ,i will rob ,john ,brown to-night4 ,and he places himself in the way along which he expects ,john ,brown to pass1 and prepares himself for his deed of plunder4 ,but ,god does not wish to have ,john ,brown robbed2 so ,he arranges that ,david ,jones1 a man whom he wishes to be relieved of his money1 shall pass that way1 and the thief robs him4 ,the dishonesty is the thief's own1 but it is ,god that determines the party on whom it shall be practised4 ,i have a bull-dog that would worry a certain animal1 if ,i would take it where the animal is feeding4 ,but ,i choose to bring it in view of another animal which ,i wish to be destroyed1 and he worries that4 ,i do not make the bull-dog savage2 but ,i use his savagery for a good purpose1 instead of letting him gratify it for an evil one4 ,this view of things explains a multitude of difficult passages of ,scripture1 and enables us to see wisdom and goodness in many of ,god's doings1 in which we might otherwise fancy we saw injustice and inconsistency4 ,i have not time to answer all my old objections to the ,bible1 advanced in the ,berg debate1 nor have ,i time to answer any of them at full length3 but ,i have answered the principal ones2 and the answers given are a fair sample of what might be given to all the objections4 ,as for the objections grounded on little contradictions1 on matters of little or no moment1 they require no answer4 ,whether the contradictions are real or only apparent1 and whether they originated with copyists1 translators1 or the original human authors of the ,books in which they are found1 it is not worth our while to inquire4 ,they do not detract from the worth of the ,bible one particle1 nor are they inconsistent with its claims to a super-human origin4 ,and so with regard to the expressions scattered up and down the ,scriptures in reference to natural things1 which are supposed to be inconsistent with the teachings of modern science4 ,they are1 in our view1 of no moment whatever4 ,men writing or speaking under divine impulse1 with a view to the promotion of religion or righteousness1 would be sure1 when they alluded to natural things1 to speak of them according to the ideas of their times4 ,their geography1 their astronomy1 and even their historical traditions1 would be those of the people among whom they lived4 ,their spirit1 their aim1 would be holy and divine4 ,nor have we any reason to wish it should be otherwise4 ,nor had our old theologians ever any right1 or ,scriptural authority1 for saying it was1 or that it ought to be1 otherwise4 ,to us it is a pleasure and an advantage to have a record of the ideas1 of the first rude guesses1 of our early ancestors1 with regard to the wonders and mysteries of the universe1 and of the events of 'the far backward and abyss of time4' ,it comforts us1 and it makes us thankful1 to see from what small and blundering beginnings our numberless volumes of science have sprung4 ,and it comforts us1 and makes us thankful1 to see how the first faint streaks of spiritual and moral light1 that fell on our race1 gradually increased1 till at length the day-spring and the morning dawned1 and then the full bright light of the ,sun of ,righteousness brought the effulgence of the ,perfect ,day4 ,and here perhaps may be the place for a few additional remarks on ,divine inspiration4 ,we may observe1 in the first place1 that a man moved to speak by the ,holy ,spirit1 will1 of course1 speak for holiness4 ,his aim will be the promotion of true religiousness1 and this will be seen in all he says4 ,he may not be a good scholar4 ,he may not speak in a superhuman style4 ,his reasoning may not be in strict accordance with the logic of the schools4 ,his dialect may be unpolished4 ,he may betray a lack of acquaintance with modern science4 ,he may not be perfect even in his knowledge of religion and virtue4 ,but he will show a godly spirit4 ,the aim and tendency of all he says will be to do good1 to promote righteousness and true holiness4 ,and so if a man be moved to write by the ,holy ,spirit1 there will be an influence favorable to holiness in all he writes4 ,his object will be good4 ,if he be a scholar1 he will unconsciously show his learning2 if he be a man of science1 he may show his science4 ,if he be ignorant of science1 his ignorance may show itself4 ,the ,spirit of ,holiness will neither remove his ignorance nor conceal it3 it will not make him talk like a learned man or a philosopher2 but it will make him talk like a saint1 like a servant of ,god1 and a friend of man4 ,his writings will breathe the spirit and show the love of holiness1 and a tendency to all goodness4 ,and these are just the qualities we see in the ,bible4 ,it breathes a holy spirit4 ,it tends to promote holiness4 ,the writers were not all equally advanced in holiness2 hence there is a difference in their writings4 ,they were not alike in their mental constitutions or their natural endowments4 ,they were not equal in learning1 or in a knowledge of nature1 or in general culture4 ,they differed almost endlessly4 ,and their writings differ in like manner4 ,but they all tend to holiness4 ,some of the writers were poets1 and their writings are poetical4 ,others were not poets1 and their writings are prose4 ,the poets were not all equal4 ,some of them were very good poets1 and their writings are full of beauty1 sublimity and power4 ,others of them were inferior poets1 and their compositions are more coarse1 or more formal4 ,some of the writers were shepherds or herdsmen1 and their writings are rough and homely4 ,some of them were princes and nobles1 scholars and philosophers1 and their writings are richer and more polished4 ,some of them were mere clerks and chroniclers1 and their writings are dry and common-place2 others were fervid1 powerful geniuses1 and their works are full of fire and originality4 ,their thoughts startle you4 ,their words warm you4 ,they are spirit and life4 ,all the writers show their natural qualities and tempers4 ,all exhibit the defects of their learning and philosophy4 ,all write like men1--like men of the age1 and of the rank1 and of the profession1 and of the country1 to which they belong4 ,they write1 in many respects1 like other men4 ,the thing that distinguished them is1 a spirit of holiness2 a regard1 a zeal1 for ,god and righteousness1 and for the instruction and welfare of mankind4 ,in their devotion to ,god and goodness they are all alike1 though not all equal2 but in other respects they differ almost endlessly4 ,in their devotion to ,god and goodness1 they are unlike the mass of pagan worldly writers1 but not so unlike them in every other respect4 ,the divine inspiration of the sacred writers1 or their wondrous zeal for righteousness1 is hardly a matter for dispute4 ,it is a simple1 plain1 palpable matter of fact4 ,we see it on almost every page of their writings4 ,we feel it in almost every sentence4 ,take the account of ,creation in ,genesis4 ,no one could have written that document under the influence of an ungodly or unholy spirit4 ,it speaks throughout with the utmost reverence of ,god4 ,it represents ,him as acting from the best and noblest feeling4 ,he works1 not for ,his own interest or honor1 but solely for the purpose of diffusing happiness4 ,he not only does the greatest1 the best1 the noblest things1 but ,he does them with a hearty good will4 ,every now and then ,he stops to examine ,his works1 and is delighted to find that everything is good4 ,it is plain ,he meant them to be good4 ,he creates countless multitudes of happy beings1 and does it all from impulses of ,his own generous nature4 ,all living things are made to be happy1 and all nature is made and adapted to minister to their happiness4 ,and when at length ,he has completed ,his works1 crowning all with the creation of man1 ,he looks on all again1 and with evident satisfaction and delight1 declares them all very good4 ,read the account of ,his creation of man4 ,and ,god said1 ,let us make man in our image1 after our likeness3 and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea1 and over the fowl of the air1 and over the cattle1 and over all the earth1 and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth4 ,so ,god created man in his own image1 in the image of ,god created he him1 male and female created he them4 ,and ,god blessed them1 and ,god said unto them1 ,be fruitful1 and multiply1 and replenish the earth1 and subdue it3 and have dominion over the fish of the sea1 and over the fowl of the air1 and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth4 ,and ,god said1 ,behold1 ,i have given you every herb bearing seed1 which is upon the face of all the earth1 and every tree1 in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed2 to you it shall be for meat4 ,and to every beast of the earth1 and to every fowl of the air1 and to everything that creepeth upon the earth1 wherein there is life1 ,i have given every green herb for meat3 and it was so4 ,and ,god saw everything that he had made1 and behold1 it was very good4 ,and the evening and the morning were the sixth day4 ,there can be no mistake as to the spirit and disposition of the ,great ,being whom we see working1 and hear speaking1 in this passage4 ,everything savors of pure and boundless love4 #a4 ,he makes man male and female1 that they may have the comfort and advantages of society1 and of love and friendship in their highest1 holiest1 and most intimate form4 #b4 ,then ,he makes them in ,his own image1 which1 whatever else it may mean1 means ungrudging and unbounded goodness on ,his part4 ,there can be nothing higher1 greater1 better1 happier than ,god4 ,to make man in ,his own image1 and to appoint him1 so far as possible1 to a like position1 and a like lot with ,himself1 was the grandest display of goodness possible4 #c4 ,and ,he gives the man and woman dominion over every living thing1--makes them1 next to ,himself1 lords of the universe4 ,and ,he blesses them1 speaks to them sweet good words2 and ,his blessing maketh rich and adds no sorrow4 ,he encourages them to be fruitful2 to multiply1 and replenish the earth1 and to subdue it1--to turn it ever more to their advantage4 ,he in effect places all things at their disposal2 every green herb1 bearing seed1 and every tree yielding fruit1 is given to them for food2 and they are at the same time given for food to every beast of the field1 and to every fowl of the air1 and to everything that creepeth on the face of the earth4 ,a richer1 sweeter story1--a story of more cheerful1 generous liberality1--a picture more creditable or honorable to ,god1 one cannot imagine4 ,and the story is all of a piece4 ,there is not a jar in it from first to last4 ,its consistency is complete4 ,whatever else may be said of the author of this account1 it is certain that he was moved by a ,holy ,spirit1 that he had the loftiest and worthiest views of ,god1 and that he loved ,him with all his heart and soul4 ,he believed in a good and holy ,god1 and in a good and holy life4 ,i say nothing about the harmony or discord between this account of ,creation1 and the facts of ,geographical1 ,astronomical1 or ,geological science4 ,i do not trouble myself about such matters4 ,to me it is a question of no importance or concern whatever4 ,and ,i have no trouble about the interpretation of the story4 ,it wants no interpretation4 ,it is as plain as the light4 ,and ,i take it in its simple1 obvious1 literal1 natural sense4 ,i keep to the old-fashioned meaning--the meaning generally given to it before the disputes about ,geology and ,astronomy seemed to render a new and unnatural one necessary4 ,the days of the story are natural days1 and the nights are natural nights4 ,the length of each of the six days was the same as that of the ,sabbath day4 ,the seven days made an ordinary week4 ,the first verse does not refer to a ,creation previous to the week in which man was made4 ,it is a statement of the work of ,creation in general1 of which the verses following give the particulars4 ,all the work that is spoken of was believed by the writer to have been begun and ended in six ordinary natural days4 ,as to whether the story be literally or scientifically correct or not1 ,i do not care to inquire4 ,i am satisfied that it is the result of divine inspiration--that he who wrote it or spoke it was moved by the ,holy ,spirit4 ,the ,spirit of truth1 of love1 of purity1 of holiness pervades it from beginning to end4 ,it does justice to ,god2 it bears benignly on man2 it favors all goodness4 ,i see1 ,i feel the blessed ,spirit in every line1 and ,i want no more4 ,we are told that there are two accounts of ,creation1 and that on some points they differ from each other4 ,for anything ,i know this may be the case4 ,but one thing is certain1 they do not differ in the views they give of ,god or of ,his objects4 ,they both represent ,him as a being not only of almighty power and infinite wisdom1 but of pure1 unsullied1 boundless generosity4 ,in truth1 the only impulse to ,creation that presents itself is1 the natural1 spontaneous goodness of the ,creator4 ,and on some points the manifestations of ,god's love and purity1 of ,his righteousness and holiness1 are more full and striking in the second account than in the first4 ,god's desire for the social happiness of man comes out more fully4 ,man1 according to this second account1 is made previous to woman1 and permitted for a time to experience the sense of comparative loneliness4 ,he is left to look through the orders of inferior creatures1 in search of a mate1 and permitted to feel1 for a moment1 the sense of disappointment4 ,at length he is cast into a deep and quiet sleep1 and when he awakes1 his mate1 his counterpart1 an exact answer to his wants1 his cravings1 perfect in her loveliness1 stands before his eyes1 and fills his soul with love and ecstacy4 ,marriage is instituted in its purest and highest form4 ,the law of marriage is proclaimed1 which is just1 and good1 and holy in the highest degree4 ,provision is made for the comfort and welfare of the new-created pair4 ,their home is a paradise1 or garden of delights2 their task is to dress it and to keep it4 ,their life is love4 ,the general law under which they are placed is made known to them1 and they are graciously warned against transgression4 ,the law is the perfection of wisdom and generosity4 ,it allows them an all but unlimited liberty of indulgence4 ,they may eat of the fruit of every tree in the garden but one4 ,indulgence must have its limits somewhere1 or there could be no virtue1 and without virtue there could be no true happiness4 ,law1 trial1 and temptation are all essential to virtue and righteousness4 ,here they are all supplied2 supplied so far as we can see1 in their best and most considerate forms4 ,no law is given to the lower animals4 ,no self-denial is required of them4 ,they are incapable of virtue or righteousness1 and are therefore left lawless4 ,a child left to himself would bring his mother to shame2 a man left to himself would rush headlong to destruction4 ,but birds and beasts do best when left to themselves1 or when left to the law in their own natures4 ,their instincts1 or ,god's own impulses1 urge them ever in the right direction1 and secure to them the kind and amount of happiness they are capable of enjoying4 ,they are incapable of virtue1 so they are made incapable of vice4 ,they cannot share the highest pleasures2 they shall not be exposed therefore to the bitterest pains4 ,man is capable of both virtue and vice1 and he must either rise to the one or sink to the other4 ,he cannot stay midway with the lower animals4 ,man must be happy or miserable in a way of his own2 he cannot have the portion of the brute4 ,he must either be the happiest or the most miserable creature on earth4 ,he must either dwell in a paradise1 or writhe in a purgatory4 ,he must either live in happy fellowship with ,god1 or languish and die beneath his frown4 ,and in the nature of things1 the possibility of one implies liability to the other4 ,this is man's greatness1 and bliss1 and glory1 that he is capable of righteousness2 capable of fellowship1 unity1 with ,god2 and capable of progress1 improvement1 without limits1 of life without end1 and of happiness without bounds4 ,all this1 which is the perfection of true philosophy1 the sum of all true wisdom and knowledge1 is presented in the most striking1 astounding1 and intelligible form in this second1 or supplementary account of creation4 ,duty is defined in the clearest manner4 ,it is enjoined in the plainest terms4 ,the results of transgression are foretold with all fidelity4 ,the great principle is revealed that righteousness is life and happiness1 and that sin is misery and death4 ,and man is left to his choice4 ,here we have the substance1 the elements1 of all knowledge1 of all law1 of all duty1 of all retribution4 ,we have the principles of the divine government4 ,we have the substance of all history4 ,we have in substance1 the lessons1 the warnings1 the counsels1 the encouragements1 the prophecies and revelations of all times and of all worlds4 ,the tendency of the whole story is to make us feel that righteousness is the one great1 unchanging and eternal good2 and that sin1 unchecked indulgence1 is the one great1 eternal1 and unchanging curse4 ,the spirit of the story1 its drift1 its aim1 is holiness from first to last4 ,the writer is moved throughout by the ,holy ,spirit--the ,spirit of truth and righteousness--the ,spirit of ,god4 ,we see it1 we feel it1 in every part4 ,we want no proof of the fact in the shape of miracle2 the proof is in the story itself4 ,it is not a matter of dispute2 it is a matter of plain unquestionable fact4 ,and that the story is essentially1 morally1 and eternally true1 is proved by all the events of history1 by all the facts of consciousness1 and by the laws and constitution of universal nature4 ,and in the history of man's first sin as here given1 and in the account of its effects1 and in the conduct of ,god to the sinning pair1 ,i find1 not the monster fictions of an immoral and blasphemous theology1 but the most important elements of moral1 religious1 and physical science4 ,and instead of feeling tempted to ridicule the document1 ,i am constrained to gaze on it with the highest admiration and the profoundest reverence for its amazing wisdom4 ,as to whether the account of the creation of the man and the woman1 and the story of the forbidden fruit1 and of the serpent1 and of the tree of life1 are to be taken literally or allegorically1 ,i have no concern at present4 ,my sole concern with it is that of a ,christian teacher and moralist4 ,the only question with me is3 ',is it divinely inspired8 ,does the writer speak as a man moved by the ,holy ,spirit8 ,is it the tendency of the story to make men lawless1 recklessly self-indulgent1 regardless of ,god and duty2 or is it the tendency of the story to make men fear ,god and work righteousness8' ,and that is a question answered by the story itself4 ,on other matters the author writes as a man of his age and country2 on this1 the only matter of importance1 he writes as a man moved by the ,spirit of ,god4 ,and what ,i say of the accounts of ,creation1 ,i say of the history of ,cain and ,abel1 of ,enoch and ,job1 of ,noah and the ,flood1 of ,abraham and ,lot1 of ,moses and his laws1 and of the ,hebrews and their history1 of the ,psalms and ,proverbs1 of the ,prophets and ,apostles4 ,all have one aim and tendency2 all make for righteousness4 ,the writers are all moved by one ,spirit--the ,spirit of holiness4 ,with the exception of the ,book called ,solomon's ,song1 and some other unimportant portions of the ,bible1 the ,scriptures all bear unquestionable marks1 are full from ,genesis to ,revelations1 of proofs indubitable1 that they are the products of divine inspiration2 that their authors wrote as they were moved by the ,holy ,spirit4 ,whatever their rank or profession1 whatever their position or education1 whatever their age or country1 whatever their particular views on matters of learning or science1 the sacred writers all speak as men under holy1 heavenly influences1 and their writings1 however they may differ in style1 or size1 or other respects1 are all1 profitable for doctrine1 for reproof1 for correction1 for instruction in righteousness3 that the man of ,god may be perfect1 thoroughly furnished unto all good works4 #af4 ,i have been asked why ,i do not publish a refutation of my former reasonings one by one1 and a full explanation and defence of my present views4 ,i answer1 my only reason for not doing this1 so far as it is really desirable1 is a want of time4 ,i did something in this line in my ,review4 ,i have done a little more in my lectures on the ,bible and on ,faith and ,science1 and ,i hope1 in time1 to do more4 #ag4 ,i have been asked again1 why ,i shun discussion on the subject4 ,i answer1 ,i have never done so4 ,when those who invite me to lecture wish me to allow discussion1 ,i comply with their wishes4 ,i agreed to a public discussion at ,northampton2 but the person who was to have met me drew back4 ,again1 if any one really wishes to discuss with me1 he can do so through the press4 ,i published my views in my ,review thirteen or fourteen years ago4 ,i have published many of them since in a number of pamphlets1 giving all as good an opportunity of discussing them as they can wish4 ,and there is not the same necessity for a man who has published his views through the press1 to invite discussion on the platform1 as there is for a man who has not given his views through the press4 ,the following letter1 written to a friend in ,newcastle-on-,tyne1 may explain my views on this point a little more fully3-- ,,my ,,dear ,,sir1--,in answer to your question whether ,i will meet the ,representative of ,secularism in debate1 ,i would say1 that ,i had rather1 for several reasons1 spend what remains of my life and strength in peaceful labors as a preacher1 a lecturer1 and an author4 ,i seem to have done enough in the way of public discussion4 ,and ,i have not the amount of physical or nervous energy1 or the strength of voice and lungs1 which ,i once had4 ,i am suffering1 not only from the effects of age1 but from a terrible shock received in a collision on the railway1 causing serious paralysis of my right side1 and greatly reducing the force and action of my heart and brain4 ,then ,i am not the representative of the ,church1 or of any section of it4 ,i can only stand forth as the advocate of my own views4 ,further2 there are many questions connected with the ,bible1 which appear to me more fitted for quiet thought and friendly discussion among scholars and critics1 than for debate in a popular audience4 ,on many of those points ,christian divines differ among themselves4 ,they differ1 for instance1 to some extent1 in their views of ,bible inspiration and the sacred canon2 they differ as to the worth of manuscripts1 texts1 and versions1 the validity of various readings1 the origin and significance of discrepancies in some of the historical and chronological portions of the ,bible1 c41 c4 ,on none of these points do ,i consider myself called upon to state or advocate any particular views4 ,there are however points of a broader and more important character1 on which a public popular discussion might be proper and useful2 such as the general drift and scope of the ,bible1 or its aim and tendency2 the character and tendency of ,christianity as presented in the life and teachings of its ,author1 and in the writings of the ,apostles2 the comparative merits of ,christianity1 and of ,atheistic ,secularism as set forth in the writings of ,secularists4 ,i understand the leaders of the ,secularists to teach1 that ,christianity is exceedingly mischievous in its tendency1--that it is adverse to civilization1 and to the temporal interests of mankind generally1--that the ,bible is the curse of ,europe1 c4 ,these are subjects on which a popular audience may be as well qualified to judge1 as scholars and critics4 ,and if you particularly desire it1 ,i will authorize you to arrange for a discussion on them between me and such representative of ,secularism as you may think fit4 ,i should not however like the discussion to occupy more than three nights in any one week4 ,and ,i should wish effectual precautions to be taken to secure a peaceful and orderly debate4 ,it will be necessary also to have the subjects to be discussed plainly and definitely stated4 ,yours1 most respectfully1 ,,joseph ,,barker4 #ah4 ,i may now add1 that the evidences which had most to do in convincing me of the truth and divinity of ,christianity1 were the internal ones4 ,i was influenced more by moral and spiritual1 than by historical and critical considerations4 ,i do not think lightly of ,paley's works on the ,evidences1 or of ,miall's ,bases of ,belief1 or of ,dr4 ,hopkins'1 or ,dr4 ,channing's1 or ,dr4 ,priestley's ,evidences of ,christianity2 but the ,bible1 and especially the story of ,christ1 was the principal instrument of my conversion4 ,i believed first with my heart rather than my head4 ,true1 my head soon justified the belief of my heart3 but my heart was first in the business4 ,i believe in miracles2 ,i think them of great importance4 ,i believe especially in the miracles of ,christ4 ,but that which melted my heart2 that which won my infinite admiration2 that which filled me with unspeakable love and gratitude2 that which made me a ,christian and a ,christian believer1 was ,christ himself4 ,even ,his miracles moved me more as expressions of ,his love1 than as proofs of ,his power4 ,the great thing that overpowered me was the infinite excellency of ,christ1 and the wonderful adaptation of ,christianity to the spiritual and moral1 the social and physical1 wants of mankind1 ,christ ,himself is ,his own best advocate4 ,his life and character are ,his strongest claims on our love and loyalty4 ,and ,his religion1 like the sun1 is its own best evidence of its divinity4 ,the infinite worth of the sun--the astonishing and infinitely varied adaptation of his light and warmth to the wants of every living thing--his wonderful and beneficent effects on plants and trees1 on animals and man1 are the strongest proofs of ,his ,divine original4 ,and so with ,christianity1 the ,sun of the moral and spiritual world4 ,it proves its heavenly origin by its amazing adaptation to man's nature1 and by its almighty tendency to promote his improvement and perfection2 by the light1 the life1 the blessedness it gives2 by the love it kindles2 by the glorious transformations which it effects in depraved individuals and degenerate communities2 by the peace1 the hope1 the joy it inspires2 and by the courage and strength it imparts both in life and in death4 #ai4 ,the form in which ,christianity presented itself to me1 and the way in which it operated on my soul1 may be seen from the articles ,i wrote on ,christ and ,his teachings1 about the time of my conversion4 ,they refer to the doctrine of ,christ with regard to a ,fatherly ,god1 and ,his loving care of ,his creatures4 ,the first thing that struck me in this doctrine was its beauty and tenderness4 ,it is just the kind of doctrine which the hearts of the best of men would wish to be true4 ,it answers to the weaknesses and the wants of our nature2 to the longings and aspirations of our souls4 ,it is full of consolation4 ,it makes the universe complete4 ,it makes man's life worth living4 ,it makes the greatness1 the vastness1 the infinitude of our intellectual and affectional nature a blessing4 ,it gives peace--the peace that passes understanding4 ,it gives joy1--the joy that is unspeakable and full of glory4 ,it opens our lips in the sight of sorrow1 and enables us to give the sufferer consolation4 ,it gives the universe a head4 ,it gives it unity4 ,it gives to man a ,ruler4 ,it gives to law a commanding force4 ,it gives to conscience a controlling power4 ,it makes virtue duty1 while it gives to it fresh grandeur and beauty4 ,it exalts it in our eyes2 and it endears it to our hearts4 ,and it furnishes the all-perfect example4 ,and it makes reasonable the inculcation of humility and charity1 of forbearance and forgiveness4 ,and it dignifies the work of beneficence4 ,it makes us the allies and fellow-workers of the infinite4 ,it makes us one with ,him4 ,in teaching the ignorant1 in bringing back the erring1 in strengthening the weak1 in reforming the vicious1 in cheering the sad1 in blessing the world1 we are working as children in fellowship with their infinite ,father1 and the pulses of our generous nature beat in harmony with the living1 loving1 all-pervading ,spirit of the universe4 ,and while it brightens the present1 it gilds the future4 ,it makes a blessed immortality a natural certainty4 ,if ,god our ,father lives1 then we ,his children shall live also4 ,death is abolished4 ,day dawns at last on the night of the grave4 ,earth is our birth-place and our nursery2 death is the gate-way to infinity1 and there is our glorious and eternal home4 ,our work for ever is the joyous work of doing good4 ,our future life is an eternal unfolding1 and a delightful exercise1 of our highest powers4 ,the mysteries of universal nature open to our view1 and in the confluence of the delights of knowledge and the transports of benevolence1 our joy is full2 our bliss complete4 ,this doctrine1 in the form in which ,jesus presents it1 has hold of the hearts of nearly the whole population of ,christendom4 ,it has the strongest hold on the best4 ,even those who doubt it1 doubt it with a sigh2 and those who give it up1 surrender it with regret4 ,and as they make the sacrifice the earth grows dark4 ,and life grows sad4 ,and nature wears the air of desolation4 ,the music of the woods becomes less sweet4 ,the beauty of the flowers becomes less charming4 ,there creeps a dreary silence over land and sea4 ,existence loses more than half its charms4 ,the light of life burns dim4 ,the past1 the present1 and the future all are cheerless4 ,the world is one vast orphan-house4 ,mankind are fatherless4 ,our dearest ones are desolate4 ,and language has no word to comfort them4 ,the lover sighs4 ,the husband and the father weeps4 ,the bravest stand aghast4 ,the charm of life1 the unmixed bliss of being1 is no more4 ,but the question of questions is1 ,is the doctrine true8 ,the heart says it is1 and even the intellect acknowledges that there are ten thousand appearances in nature which cannot be accounted for on any other principle4 ,we cannot at present dwell on the subject2 but the doctrine of ,jesus with regard to ,god and immortality is the grandest and most consoling1 and is the most adapted to strengthen the soul to duty1 and to cheer and support it under suffering1 that the mind of man can conceive4 ,and then as to ,jesus ,himself1 the love and the reverence with which ,he is honored by so large a portion of the foremost nations of the earth1 are no mistake1--no accident4 ,they are the natural result of ,his worth and excellency4 ,they are the natural response of the generous heart of humanity1 to its wisest ,teacher1 its loftiest ,example1 and its greatest ,benefactor4 ,the devoutest love1 the liveliest gratitude1 the richest honors1 the costliest offerings are his1--,he deserves them all4 ,and ,his name shall remain1 and ,his fame shall spread1 as long as the sun and moon endure4 ,all nations love and adore the good4 ,men will even die for them4 ,what wonder then that ,jesus should be so loved8 ,what wonder that so many tongues should praise ,him1 so many hearts adore ,him1 and so many nations bow before ,him1 and accept ,him as their ,lord8 ,for ,he devoted ,himself to the service1 not of a class or a nation1 but of the world4 ,the sick1 the poor1 the ignorant1 the fallen2 the little innocent children1 the wronged and outcast woman1 the hated ,samaritan1 the despised ,pagan1 the obnoxious publican1 the youthful prodigal1 the dying penitent1 the cruel persecutor1 all shared ,his love1 ,his pity1 and ,his prayers4 ,he lived1 ,he taught1 ,he died for all4 #bj4 ,the first ,christians that invited me to preach were the ,methodist ,reformers of ,wolverhampton4 ,the next were the ,primitive ,methodists of ,tunstall and ,bilston4 ,the ,primitive ,methodists at ,tunstall invited me to join their community1 and as soon as ,i consistently could1 ,i did so4 ,i was afterwards accepted as a local preacher4 ,my labors as a preacher and lecturer have been mostly in connection with that community4 ,i was specially struck with the zeal1 the labors1 and the usefulness of the ,primitive ,methodists while on my way from the wilds of error2 and my intercourse with its ministers and members since ,i became a ,christian1 has proved to me an unspeakable comfort and blessing4 ,i have received from them the greatest kindness3 and ,i pray ,god that ,i may prove a comfort and a blessing to them in return4 #ba4 ,i had great sacrifices to make when ,i renounced my connection with the unbelievers and became a ,christian1 and for some time ,i and my family had experience of severe trials4 ,we had to give up our old business1 and it seemed impossible to obtain a new one1 and for a time we were threatened with the bitterness of want4 ,we were unwilling to ask a favor of any ,christian party1 lest our motives for embracing ,christianity should be suspected2 and at times ,i felt perplexed and sad4 ,one day my eldest son1 seeing ,i was depressed1 said1 ,father1 dear1 don't be troubled4 ,we must trust in ,god now4 ,i do trust in ,him2 and ,i am so happy to think that we are all ,christians1 that ,i can bear anything4 ,god bless his dear good soul4 ,we did trust in ,god1 and ,he sustained us4 ,he supplied our wants4 ,he overruled all things for our good4 ,and we can now say1 ,the lines have fallen to us in pleasant places2 we have a goodly heritage4 #bb4 ,i have met with some unpleasantnesses since my return to ,christ2 but ,i am not sure that they are worth naming2 and for the present they shall remain unnamed4 ,i have met with many things of a very pleasant character4 ,thousands that followed me into doubt have come back with me to ,christianity4 ,thousands that were sinking1 were saved by my conversion4 ,i believe ,i may say thousands of unbelievers that were not led into doubt by me1 have been redeemed from their wretchedness through my example and labors4 ,some young ministers have been kept from rash and ruinous steps by the story of my experience4 ,many believers have been strengthened in their faith and encouraged in their ,christian labors under my sermons and lectures4 ,many have been benefited by my publications4 ,my family has been greatly comforted and blessed4 ,the power of the infidel class has been diminished4 ,i have myself enjoyed a kind and a degree of happiness that ,i never enjoyed while the slave of doubt and unbelief4 ,and it is a great consolation to think that ,i was brought to ,god while in my health and strength1 and that ,i have now been permitted to spend from eleven to twelve years in the work of ,christ4 ,another great comfort is1 that my circumstances are such as to enable me to give some proof of my devotion to the cause of ,christ2 of my infinite preference of the religion of ,christ1 both to the miserable philosophy of unbelief1 and to the wretched fictions of ignorant or anti-,christian divines4 #bc4 ,i read quite a multitude of books on my way back to ,christ1 and if ,i had time1 ,i would give some account of the influence which some of them made on my mind4 ,but ,i have not4 ,it may seem strange1 but ,i had sunk below the level of ancient ,paganism1 and the books which ,i read on my first awaking to a consciousness that ,i was wrong1 were ,pagan works4 ,i read much in ,plato and ,aristotle1 ,cicero and ,seneca1 for a time1 and then in ,plutarch1 ,m4 ,a4 ,antonine1 and ,epictetus4 ,the works of ,epictetus1 with the comments of ,simplicius1 proved exceedingly profitable4 ,i then read the writings of ,theodore ,parker1 ,dr4 ,channing1 and some of the works of ,dr4 ,priestley1 and got good from all4 ,they all helped to inspire me with a horror of ,atheism1 and to strengthen my faith in ,god1 and in ,his boundless and eternal love4 ,i next read a number of my own works1 beginning with those that were somewhat skeptical1 and reading backwards1 to those which were ,christian4 ,i then read freely my old companions and favorites1 including ,hooker1 ,baxter1 and ,howe2 ,jeremy ,taylor1 ,william ,law1 and ,bishop ,butler4 ,i read ,shakespeare freely1 and ,pope1 and then ,thomson1 and ,goldsmith1 and ,young1 and ,cowper1 and ,tennyson1 and several others of our poets4 ,then came the works of ,carlyle1 ,burke1 ,penn1 and ,wesley2 of ,robert ,hall1 and ,dr4 ,cooke1 and ,mr4 ,newton2 and the writings of ,paley and ,grotius4 ,i also read ,guizot's ,history of ,civilization1 and those portions of ,dr4 ,henry's ,history of ,england that referred to the ,church and ,christianity4 ,still later ,i read ,augustine's ,confessions1 ,montalembert's ,monks of the ,west1 and everything ,i could find to illustrate the history of ,christianity4 ,i was delighted1 transported1 with many of ,wesley's hymns4 ,i found in them an amount of truth1 and beauty1 and richness of good feeling1 ,i had never found in them before4 ,i read many of the hymns of ,watts with great pleasure1 as well as several collections of hymns and poetry by ,roundell ,palmer and others4 ,i also read the writings of ,chalmers1 ,whewell1 and ,lord ,brougham on natural theology1 and the works of several other authors on that subject4 ,at a later period ,i read something in ,neander1 ,lange1 and others on the life of ,christ4 ,still later ,i read ,young's ,christ of ,history1 with ,renan and ,ecce ,homo4 ,renan tried me very much4 ,he seemed to write in the scoffing spirit of ,voltaire1 and ,i laid the book aside before ,i got to the end4 ,ecce ,homo delighted me exceedingly4 ,i read it a dozen times4 ,i studied it1 and it did me a great deal of good4 ,it both strengthened my faith in ,christ1 and increased my love to ,him4 ,still later ,i read ,ecce ,deus with pleasure and profit4 ,the book however that did me most good was the ,bible4 ,i came to it continually1 as to an overflowing fountain1 and drank of its waters with ever-increasing delight4 #bd4 ,i began to preach before ,i was fit2 but ,i never might have been fit1 if ,i had not begun4 ,i became fit by working while unfit4 ,and my imperfect labors proved a blessing to many4 #be4 ,there was much prejudice against me at first2 but not more than ,i had reason to expect2 and it gradually gave place to confidence and kind feeling4 ,some said ,i ought to remain silent a few years2 but as ,i did not know what a few years or even a few days might bring forth1 ,i thought it best to speak at once4 ,i had spoken freely enough on the wrong side1 and ,i saw no reason why ,i should not speak as freely and at once on the right side4 ,nor do ,i regret the course ,i took4 ,it was the best4 ,some that thought otherwise at first1 think as ,i do now4 ,for instance1 when ,mr4 ,everett first heard that some of his friends had invited me to preach for them1 he was very angry1 and said ,i ought never to speak or show my face again in public as long as ,i lived4 ,in less than four years he came to hear me1 was much affected1 shook me by the hand1 thanked me1 invited me to his house1 showed me his library1 and his museum of ,methodist antiquities and curiosities1 offered me a home in his house1 and was as kind to me as a father4 ,i never quarrelled with people for regarding me with distrust or fear1 though ,i often checked my over-zealous friends1 who were disposed to quarrel with all who did not regard me with the same amount of love and confidence as themselves4 ,i have never defended myself against slanderers1 either by word or writing1 except when justice to my friends has seemed to require it4 ,i have never complained of any disadvantages under which ,i have labored4 ,it is right that a man who has erred as ,i have1 should have something unpleasant in his lot to remind him of his error1 and render him more careful and prayerful for the time to come3 and there is to me a pleasure in doing penance for my faults4 #bf4 ,i have never thrown the whole blame of my errors on others1 nor have ,i ever seen reason to take the whole to myself4 ,god alone is able to distribute praise and blame1 rewards and punishments1 according to men's deserts1 and to ,him ,i leave the task4 ,at first ,i was disposed to be very severe towards myself3 but two years' experience in the religious body that ,i first joined1 of a kind of treatment resembling that of my early days1 satisfied me that ,i ought to judge myself a little more leniently4 ,i would not however be unduly severe towards others4 ,i cannot tell1 when a man does me wrong1 how far he may be under the influence of unavoidable error1 and how far he may be under the influence of a wicked will4 ,i may be able to measure the injustice of the act1 but not the wickedness of the actor4 ,god alone can do that4 ,a man's treatment of me may satisfy me that ,i ought not to place myself in his power2 but cannot justify me in saying of him that he deserves the damnation of hell4 ,the rule with regard to men's deserts is1 ,judge not1 that ye be not judged4 #bg4 ,but when ,i have made the most liberal allowance for myself1 and even while ,i feel satisfied that in my investigations my object was the discovery of truth1 and that my errors were wholly unintentional1 ,i must still feel ashamed and mortified at the thought that ,i was so weak as to be capable of such grievous errors4 ,even when ,i take into account the imperfection of my education1 and the disadvantages of my situation1 and all the temptations by which ,i was assailed1 ,i am still ashamed and humbled1 and feel that my place is in the dust4 ,but if1 while prostrate1 ,god says to me1 ,arise6 shall ,i resist the call8 ,if in the exercise of ,his love ,he restores to me the joys of ,his salvation1 and bids me speak and labor in ,his cause1 shall ,i not thankfully obey the heavenly voice8 ,shall ,i carry my humility to the extreme of disobedience8 ,shall ,i not rather arise1 and1 with a cheerful and joyous heart1 do my ,saviour what service ,i can8 ,i will not presume to usurp the prerogative of ,god1 even to judge and punish myself4 ,i will leave myself to ,him1 the merciful and all-knowing1 and ,he shall do with me what ,he sees best4 ,i will not reject ,his mercy4 ,i will not resist ,his will4 ,let ,him do what seemeth to ,him good1 whether it be in the way of tenderness or of severity4 ,it has pleased ,him1 thus far1 to mingle much compassion with ,his chastisements1 and ,his goodness calls for gratitude and joy4 #bh4 ,and as ,i act towards ,god1 ,i will act towards ,his people4 ,if they frown on me1 ,i will take it patiently2 but if they welcome me with demonstrations of affection1 ,i will rejoice4 ,if they close their pulpits against me1 ,i will say1 ,your will be done4 ,if they open them to me1 ,i will enter1 and1 to the best of my ability1 declare the counsel of ,god4 ,a portion of ,god's people1--a large and most worthy portion--have received me graciously2 and my duty is1 and my endeavor1 ,i trust1 will be1 to reciprocate their love and confidence4 ,i say with the poet3-- ,people of the living ,god1 ,i have sought the world around1 ,paths of doubt and sorrow trod1 ,peace and comfort nowhere found2 ,now to you my spirit turns1 ,turns1 a fugitive unblest2 ,brethren1 where your altar burns ,o receive me to your rest4 ,lonely ,i no longer roam1 ,like the cloud1 the wind1 the wave2 ,where you dwell shall be my home1 ,where you die shall be my grave2 ,mine the ,god whom you adore1 ,your ,redeemer shall be mine2 ,earth can fill my heart no more1 ,all my joys shall be divine4 #bi4 ,it seems strange that ,i should have been permitted to wander into doubt and unbelief1 and live so long under its darkness and horrors4 ,there is a mystery about it that ,i cannot understand4 ,but what ,i know not now1 ,i may know hereafter4 ,the mystery of ,job's trial was explained when his afflictions were at an end4 ,the mystery of my strange trial is still wrapt up in darkness4 ,true1 my strange experience has not been an unmixed calamity4 ,it has brought me advantages which ,i could not otherwise have enjoyed4 ,i know things which ,i never could have known1 if ,i had always remained within the enclosures of the ,church1 and under the influence of ,christianity4 ,and my heart is more subdued to the will of ,god4 ,i am more at one with ,him than ,i ever was before4 ,i love ,him more4 ,i love ,jesus more4 ,i love ,his religion more4 ,i have a clearer view and a fuller knowledge of its infinite worth4 ,i have1 of course1 a fuller knowledge of the horrors of infidelity4 ,and my faith in ,god and ,christianity rests on a firmer foundation than it did in my early days4 ,many things which ,i once only believed1 ,i now know4 ,many things for which ,i had formerly only the testimony of others1 ,i now know to be true by my own experience4 ,there are quite a multitude of things on which ,i have greater certainty1 and on which ,i can1 in consequence1 speak with more authority than in my early days4 ,there are1 too1 cases of doubt which ,i can meet1 which formerly ,i could not have met4 ,i can make more allowances too1 than formerly1 for those who are troubled with doubt1 or ensnared by error4 ,and my preaching1 in some cases1 is more powerful4 ,and ,i am more free from bigotry and intolerance4 ,while ,i see more to love and admire in the ,church generally1 ,i love all hard-working churches without partiality4 ,i think less of the points on which they differ1 and more of the points on which they agree4 ,they appear to me more as one church4 ,there are many points on which ,i might once have engaged in controversy1 which now appear of little or no moment4 ,while ,i have more zeal for ,god1 ,i have more charity for men4 ,there are many things in ,wesley's hymns1 and many things in other hymns1 which formerly ,i did not understand or appreciate1 or understood and appreciated but very imperfectly1 which now ,i understand more perfectly1 and prize more highly4 ,and so with many things in the ,bible4 #cj4 ,and ,i have1 at times1 and have had for years1 strange glimpses of the magnificence and wondrousness of the universe2 startling views of the awful grandeur and movements of its huge orbs1 and of the terrible working of its great forces1 and an overpowering sight and sense of the presence and power of the living ,god in all1 which ,i never had in my earlier days4 ,and ,i have often had1 and still have1 at times1 strange feelings of the fact and mystery of existence3 of my own existence1 and of the existence of other beings1 and of ,god4 #ca4 ,and ,i have1 at times1 strange feelings with regard to the infinite value of life and consciousness1 and of my intellectual and moral powers4 ,and ,i have pleasant and wonderful thoughts and feelings with regard to the lower animals1 as the creatures of ,god1 my ,father2 and as manifestations of ,his goodness1 and wisdom1 and power2 and as sharers with me of an infinite ,father's love4 ,and ,i love them as ,i never loved them in my earlier days4 ,i feel happier in their company4 ,i listen with more pleasure to the songs of birds1 and gaze with more delight on every living thing4 ,the earth and its inhabitants are new to me4 ,the plants and flowers are new4 ,the universe is new4 ,i am new to myself4 ,all things are new4 ,it seems1 at times1 as if the new1 enlarged1 and higher life of which ,i have become conscious through my strange experience1 were worth the fearful price which ,i have paid for it4 #cb4 ,but then again ,i think of the time ,i spent in sin and folly1--of the mischief ,i did in those dark days1--of the grief ,i caused to so many good and godly souls1--of the sorrows ,i entailed on those most dear to me1 and of the terrible disadvantages under which ,i labor1 and under which ,i must always labor1 in consequence of my unaccountable errors1 and ,i am confounded and dismayed4 ,but then1 on the other hand1 ,i am reminded that ,i did not sin wilfully1--that ,i did not err purposely or wantonly1--that what ,i did amiss ,i did in ignorance1--that ,i verily believed myself in the way of duty when ,i went astray1--that ,i was influenced by a desire to know the truth1--that ,i believed myself1 at the outset1 bound as a ,christian1 and as a creature of ,god1 to use my faculties to the utmost in searching the ,scriptures1 and exploring ,nature1 in pursuit of truth1--that when ,i advocated infidel views1 ,i advocated them believing them to be true1 and believing that truth must be most conducive to the virtue and happiness of mankind4 ,true1 appearances were against me2 but ,i felt myself bound1 even when an unbeliever1 to walk by faith1--by faith in principles which ,i supposed myself to have found to be true4 ,my life1 even in my worst condition1 was a life of self-sacrifice for what ,i regarded as eternal truth4 ,when ,i gave up my belief in a ,fatherly ,god1 and my faith in a blessed immortality1 ,i believed myself to be making a sacrifice at the shrine of truth4 ,i thought ,i heard her voice from the infinite universe demanding the surrender1 and conscience compelled me to comply with the demand4 ,i felt the dreadful nature of the sacrifice1 but what could ,i do8 ,i remember the words ,i uttered1 and ,i remember the mingled emotions which filled and agitated my soul1 on that occasion4 ,i was distressed at the terrible necessity of giving up the cherished idols of my soul1 yet ,i was filled for a moment with a strange delight at the thought that ,i was doing my duty in compliance with the stern demands of eternal law1 and the dread realities of universal being4 ,and ,i hoped against hope that the result would all be right4 ,i weep when ,i read the strange words which ,i uttered on that dark and terrible occasion4 ,i said to myself1 ,the last remains of my religious faith are gone4 ,the doctrines of a personal ,god1 and of a future life1 ,i am compelled to regard as the offspring1 not of the understanding1 but of the imagination and affections4 ,it is no easy matter to wean one's-self from flattering and long cherished illusions4 ,it is no easy matter to believe that doctrines which have been almost universally received1 and which have been so long and so generally regarded as essential to the virtue and happiness of mankind--doctrines1 too1 which have mingled their mighty influences with so much of the beautiful and sublime in human history1 and which still1 to so many1 form all the poetry and romance1 almost all the interest and grandeur and blessedness of human life1 have no foundation in truth4 ,to persons who believe in a ,fatherly ,god1 and in human immortality1 pure naturalism is terribly uninviting4 ,it was always so to me4 ,i well remember the mingled horror and pity with which1 when a ,christian1 ,i regarded the man who had no personal ,god1 and no hope of a future life4 ,i remember too how ,i wrote or spoke of such4 ,i mourned over them as the most hapless and miserable of all living beings4 ,yet ,i myself have come at length1 by slow degrees1 after a thousand struggles1 and with infinite reluctance1 to the dread conclusion1 that a personal ,god and an immortal life are fictions of the human mind4 ,yet existence has not quite lost its charms1 nor life its enjoyments4 ,there is something infinitely grand1 and unspeakably exciting and elevating in the consciousness of having made a sacrifice of the most popular and bewitching of all illusions1 out of respect to truth4 ,it was an enviable state of mind which prompted1 the grand and thrilling exclamation1 ,let justice be done1 though the heavens should fall4 ,and that state of mind is no less enviable which can sustain a man in the sacrifice of ,god and immortality at the shrine of truth4 ,such a sacrifice1 accompanied1 as it must be in the present state of society1 with a thousand other sacrifices of reputation1 friendships1 popular pleasures1 and social favor1 is an exercise of the highest virtue1 a demonstration of the greatest magnanimity1 and is accompanied or followed with an intensity of satisfaction which none but the martyr-spirit of truth can conceive4 ,it is often said by ,christians1 that the reason why persons doubt the existence of ,god and a future life is1 that they have good cause to dread them2 or1 as ,grotius expresses it1 that they live in such a way that it would be to their interest that there should be no ,god or future life4 ,this was not the case with me4 ,my unbelief came upon me while ,i was diligently striving in all things to do ,god's will4 ,my virtue outlived my faith4 ,born of ,methodist parents1 and reared under ,christian influences1 and a ,christian myself1 and even a ,christian minister for many years1 ,i was brought slowly and reluctantly1 in spite of a world of prejudices1 and in spite of interests and associations and tastes all but almighty in their influence1 to the conclusion1 that pure1 unmixed ,naturalism alone accorded with what was known of the present state and the past history of the universe4 ,i say ,i was brought to these conclusions in spite of a world of opposing influences4 ,while a ,christian1 all that the world could promise or bestow seemed to be within my reach4 ,friends1 popularity1 wealth1 power1 fame2 and visions of infinite usefulness to others1 and of unbounded happiness to myself in the future1 were all promised me as the reward of continued devotion to the cause of ,god and ,christianity4 ,as the reward of heresy and unbelief1 ,i had to encounter suspicion1 desertion1 hatred1 reproach1 persecution1 want1 grief of friends and kindred1 anxious days and sleepless nights1 and almost every extreme of mental anguish4 ,still1 inquiry forced me into heresy further and further every year1 and brought me at length to the extreme of doubt and unbelief4 ,it was1 then1 in no light mood that ,i gave up my faith in ,god1 and ,christ1 and immortality4 ,the change in my views was no headlong1 hasty freak4 ,it was the result of long and serious thought--of misguided1 but honest1 conscientious study4 ,and hence ,i have sometimes thought1 and am still inclined to think1 that ,god had a hand in the matter--that ,he led me1 or permitted me to wander1 along that strange and sorrowful road1 and to pass through those dreary and dolorous scenes1 and drink so deeply of so dreadful a cup of sorrow1 for some good end4 ,he maketh the wrath of man to praise ,him1 and perhaps he may turn our errors also to good account4 ,i am not disposed to believe that my life has been a failure4 ,it may1 for anything ,i know1 prove to have been a great success4 ,men are educated largely by their mistakes1 says one4 ,it hardly seems likely that ,god would suffer a well-intentioned1 though weak and erring child1 to ruin either himself or others for ever4 ,god is good1 and the future will justify ,his ways1 and all ,his saints shall praise ,him4 ,my business meanwhile is1 to do what ,i can to promote the interests of truth1 and the welfare of mankind4 ,i must1 so far as possible1 redeem lost time4 ,i have a thousand causes for gratitude1 and none for complaint4 ,i am very happy in general2 as happy as ,i desire to be1 and as happy1 ,i expect1 as it is good for me to be4 ,i sometimes feel as if ,i were too happy4 ,and ,i certainly never ask ,god to make me more happy4 ,i ask ,him to make me wiser1 and better1 and more useful1 but not more happy4 ,at times my cup of joy runs over4 ,it is strange it should be so1 yet so it is4 ,but joy and sorrow are often found in company4 ,paul says of himself1 ,sorrowful1 yet always rejoicing4 ,the author of ,ecce ,deus says1 ,the good man's life is one unbroken repentance4 ,throughout his life he suffers on account of his sins4 ,what1 then of joy8 he asks3 and he answers1 ,it is contemporaneous with sorrow4 ,they are inseparable4 ,the joy that is born of sorrow is the only joy that is enduring4 ,it may seem strange1 but it is true1 the last year of my life has been the happiest ,i ever experienced4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,a ,,few ,,of ,,the ,,lessons ,i ,,have ,,learned ,,on ,,my ,,way ,,through ,,life4 ,and now for a few of the lessons which ,i have learned on my way through life4 #a4 ,one1 alas6 is1 that it is very difficult to bring young people to benefit by the experience of their elders4 ,it would be a happy thing if we could put old men's heads on young men's shoulders2 but no method of performing the operation has1 as yet1 been hit upon4 ,it might answer as well1 if old men could empty their heads into the heads of the young4 ,but this is a task almost as difficult as the former4 ,the heads of the young are generally full of foolish thoughts1 and vain conceits1 and wild dreams of what they are to be1 and do1 and enjoy in the days to come1 with large admixtures at times of more objectionable materials2 so that there is no room for the counsels and admonitions of their elders4 ,then there are some who do not like to be counselled or admonished4 ,having set their minds on the attainment of a certain object1 they are unwilling to listen to any but such as commend their course1 and encourage them with promises of success4 ,there are others who think they have no need of counsel or admonition4 ,counsel and admonition are proper enough for some people1 but they are not required in their case1 they imagine4 ,they do not exactly think themselves beings of a superior order1 beyond the reach of ordinary dangers2 but they act as if they thought so4 ,in words they would acknowledge themselves to be but men1 liable to the common frailties of their race2 but their conduct seems to say1 ,it is impossible we should ever err or sin as some men do2 we are better constructed1 and are born to a happier lot4 ,their purpose is to do right1 and it never enters their minds that they can ever do wrong4 ,and if you tell them that they are in danger of becoming intemperate1 or skeptical1 or of falling into any great error or sin1 they feel hurt1 and say1 ,do you suppose we are dogs that we should do such things8 ,dogs or not1 when the time of trial comes1 they do them4 ,and then they discover1 that men are not always so wise1 so good1 or so strong as they suppose themselves2 that people may be the subjects of weaknesses of which they are utterly unconscious1 till assailed by some unlooked for temptation2 and they mourn at the last1 and say1 ,how have we hated instruction1 and despised the counsel of the ,holy ,one4 ,and now they see that the strongest need a stronger one than themselves to shield them1 and that the wisest need a wiser one than themselves to guide them1 if they are to be kept from harm4 ,we have no disposition to be severe with such persons1 for we belonged to the same unhappy class ourselves4 ,it never once entered our minds in our earlier days1 that we could ever fall away from ,christ4 ,we saw that others were in danger1 but we never supposed we were in danger ourselves4 ,we preached from the text1 ,let him that thinketh he standeth1 take heed lest he fall1 and we pressed the solemn warning on our hearers with the greatest earnestness2 but we never applied it to ourselves4 ,we supposed ourselves secure4 ,and if any one had told us that we should one day cease to be a ,christian1 and above all1 if any man had said that we should fall into unbelief1 and be ranked with the opponents of ,christianity1 we should have thought him insolent or mad4 ,yet we know what followed4 ,we cannot therefore deal harshly with our too self-confident brethren4 ,but we must give them faithful warning4 ,be on your guard1 my dear young friends4 ,you are not so free from defects1 nor so far from danger1 as your conscious innocence1 or the great deceiver1 may insinuate4 ,there may be tendencies to evil within you1 and temptations in the mysterious world around you1 of the character and force of which you have no conception4 ,it was as great and good a man as you perhaps that said1 ,weaker than a bruised reed1 ,help ,i every moment need4 ,and he was wise that said1-- ,beware of ,peter's words1 ,nor confidently say1 ',i never will deny thee1 ,lord2' ,but1 ',grant ,i never may4' ,there are devices of the wicked one of which you are not yet aware2 depths of ,satan which you have not yet fathomed2 and terrible possibilities of which1 as yet1 you have never dreamed4 ,i say again1 ,be on your guard4 ,be not high-minded1 but fear4 ,blessed is the man that feareth always4 ,none are so weak as those who think themselves strong4 ,none are in such danger as those who think themselves secure4 ,man1 even at best1 is not so great1 so wise1 so strong1 as some are prone to suppose3 and when1 cut off from ,christ and ,his people1 from the ,bible and prayer1 he trusts in his own resources1 he is poor1 and weak1 and frail in the extreme4 ,there are no errors1 no extravagances1 no depths of degradation1 into which the lawless self-reliant man may not fall4 ,when ,i had lost my faith in ,christ1 and had freed myself from all restraints of ,bible authority and ,church discipline1 ,i said to myself1 ,i will be a ,,man2 all that a man acting freely1 giving his soul full scope1 tends naturally to become2 and ,i will be nothing else4 ,i had come to the conclusion that man was naturally good--that1 when freely and fully developed1 apart from the authority of religion1 churches and books1 he would become the perfection of wisdom1 and goodness1 and happiness4 ,i said to myself1 ,christ was but a man2 and the reason why ,he so much excelled all other men was1 that ,he acted freely1 without regard to the traditions of the elders1 the law of ,moses1 or any authority but that of ,his own untrammelled mind4 ,i will follow the same course4 ,i will free myself from the prejudices of my education1 from the influence of my surroundings1 and from the authority of all existing laws and religions1 and be my own sole ruler1 my own sole counsellor1 my own sole guide4 ,i will act with regard to the religion of ,christ1 as ,christ acted with regard to the religion of ,moses2 obey it1 abolish it1 or modify it1 as its different parts may require4 ,i will act with regard to the ,church authorities of my time as ,jesus acted with regard to the ,scribes and ,pharisees of ,his day2 ,i will set them aside4 ,i will be a man2 a free1 self-ruled1 and self-developed man4 ,alas1 ,i little knew the terrible possibilities of the nature of man when left to itself4 ,i had no conception of its infinite weakness with regard to what is good1 or its fearful capabilities with regard to what is bad4 ,i had no idea of the infinite amount of evil that lay concealed in the human heart1 ready1 when unrepressed1 to unfold itself1 and take all horrible forms of vice and folly4 ,i indulged myself in my mad experiments of unlimited freedom till appalled by the melancholy results4 ,i did not become all that unchecked license could make me2 but ,i became so different a creature from what ,i had anticipated1 that ,i saw the madness of my resolution1 and recoiled4 ,i came to the verge of all evil4 ,god had mercy on me and held me back in spite of my impiety1 or ,i should have become a monster of iniquity4 ,man was not made for unlimited liberty4 ,he was made for subjection to the ,divine will1 and for obedience to ,god's law4 ,he was made for fellowship with the good among his fellow-men1 and for submission to ,christian discipline4 ,he can become good and great and happy only by faith in ,god and ,christ1 by self-denial1 by good society1 by careful moral and religious culture1 and by constant prayer and dependence on ,god4 ,i now no longer say1 ,i will be a man2 but1 ,let me be a ,christian4 ,i no longer say1 ,i will be all that my nature1 working unchecked1 will make me2 but1 ,let me be all that ,christ and ,christianity can make me4 ,let me check all tempers at variance with the mind of ,christ2 and all tendencies at variance with ,his precepts4 ,let the mouth of that fearful abyss which lies deep down in my nature be closed1 and let the infernal fires that smoulder there be utterly smothered2 and let the love of ,god and the love of man reign in me1 producing a life of ,christ-like piety and beneficence4 ,let all ,i have and all ,i am be a sacrifice to ,god in ,christ1 and used in the cause of truth and righteousness for the welfare of mankind4 ,the enemy of man has many devices4 ,in my case1 as in the case of so many others1 he transformed himself into an angel of light4 ,he did not say1 ,give up your work3 forsake ,christ2 desert ,his ,church2 indulge your appetites2 give yourself to selfish1 sensual pleasure2 free yourself from religious restraint1 from moral control1 from scruples of conscience1 and live for gain1 or fame1 or power4 ,on the contrary2 his counsel was1 ,perfect your creed2 perfect your knowledge2 reform the ,church2 expose its corruptions2 reform the ministry2 expose its errors2 go back to the simplicity of ,christ2 return to the order of the ancient ,church2 pay no regard to prevailing sentiments1 or to established customs2 begin anew4 ,resolve on perfection2 it is attainable2 be content with nothing less4 ,assert your rights4 ,be true4 ,prove all things2 hold fast to what is good1 but cast away whatever you find to be evil4 ,call no one master but ,christ2 and what ,christ requires1 ask no one but yourself4 ,be true to your own conscience4 ,god has called you to restore the ,church to its purity1 to its simplicity1 to its ancient power4 ,be faithful1 and fear no opposition4 ,free inquiry must lead to truth1 and truth is infinitely desirable4 ,assail error2 assail men's inventions2 spare nothing but what is of ,god4 ,it is ,god's own work you are doing2 it is the world's salvation for which you are laboring2 and ,god's own ,spirit will guide you1 and ,his power will keep you from harm4 ,all this was true2 but it was truth without the needful accompaniment of pious caution4 ,it was true1 but it was truth without the needful amount of humility1 of meekness1 of gentleness1 and of self-distrust4 ,it was truth1 but it was truth put in such a form as to do the work of falsehood4 ,it was an appeal to pride1 to self-conceit1 to self-sufficiency4 ,it was truth presented in such a shape1 as to abate the sense of my dependence on ,god2 as to make me forgetful of my own imperfections2 as to exclude from my mind all thoughts of danger1 and so prepare me for mistakes1 mishaps1 and ultimately ruin4 ,it is not enough to aim at good objects3 we must be humble2 we must be sensible that our sufficiency is of ,god2 we must be conscious of our own weakness1 of our own imperfections1 and of our own danger1 and move with care1 and watchfulness1 and prayer4 ,we must not please ourselves with thoughts of the wonders we will achieve1 of the services we will render to the world1 and of the honor we shall gain2 but cherish the feeling that ,god is all1 and be content that ,he alone shall be glorified4 ,we are but earthen vessels2 the excellency of the power is of ,god4 ,o my poor soul1 how do ,i grieve when ,i think of thy early dreams1 and of thy sad awakening4 ,like ,adam1 ,i lived in a ,paradise of bliss1 suspecting no evil1 and dreading no change4 ,i had been trained to piety from my earliest years4 ,the ,bible was my delight4 ,christ and ,christianity were my glory and joy4 ,the ,church was my home4 ,to preach the ,gospel1 to defend ,god's cause1 and to labor for the salvation of the world1 were the delight of my life4 ,i was successful4 ,i was popular4 ,i had many friends1 and was passionately beloved4 ,wherever ,i went1 men hailed me as their spiritual father4 ,the chapels in which ,i preached were crowded to their utmost capacity1 and men regarded me as the champion of ,christianity4 ,they applauded my labors in its behalf1 and testified their esteem and admiration by unmistakable signs4 ,at one time ,i might have applied to myself the words of ,job1 ,when the ear heard me1 then it blessed me2 and when the eye saw me1 it gave witness to me4 ,the young men saw me1 and gave me reverence2 and the aged arose and stood up4 ,unto me men gave ear1 and waited2 and kept silence at my counsel4 ,they waited for my words as for the showers2 and opened their mouths as for the latter rain4 ,i chose out their way1 and sat chief1 and dwelt as a king in the army1 as one that comforteth the mourners4 ,and everything seemed to foretell a continuance of my happy lot4 ,my prejudices and my convictions1 my tastes and my affections1 my habits and my inclinations1 my interests and my family1 all joined to bind me to the cause of ,christ by the strongest bonds4 ,and ,i seemed as secure to others as to myself4 ,hence ,i looked forward to a life of ever-increasing usefulness1 reflecting credit on my family and friends1 and conferring blessings on mankind at large4 ,i revelled in hopes of a reformed ,church1 and a regenerated world2 and1 passing the bounds of time1 my spirit exulted in the prospect of a glorious immortality4 ,yet when ,i looked for good then evil came2 and when ,i waited for light there came darkness4 ,i fell away4 ,my happy thoughts1 my joyous hopes1 my delightful prospects1 all vanished4 ,i underwent a most melancholy transformation4 ,the eyes that gazed on me with affectionate rapture1 now stared at me with affright and terror2 and brave1 stout men wept over me like children4 ,the light of my life was extinguished4 ,my dwelling was in darkness4 ,i was a brother to dragons1 and a companion to owls4 ,and there was nothing before me but the dreary prospect of a return to nothingness4 ,and can you1 my young friends1 dream of safety with facts like these in view8 ,again1 ,i say1 be on your guard4 ,an easy1 dreamy self-security is the extreme of madness4 ,our only safety is in watchfulness and prayer4 ,our only sufficiency is of ,god4 ,o1 never suffer me to sleep ,secure within the reach of hell2 ,but still my watchful spirit keep ,in lowly awe and loving zeal3 ,and bless me with a godly fear1 ,and plant that guardian angel here4 #b4 ,the second lesson ,i would name is this3 ,it is dangerous to allow bad feeling to get into your hearts towards your ,christian friends1 or your brother ministers4 ,it is especially dangerous to allow it to remain there4 ,it works like the infection of the plague4 ,try therefore to keep your minds in a calm and comfortable state towards all with whom you have to do4 ,guard against rash judgments and groundless suspicions2 or you may take offence when no offence is meant4 ,but even when people do you harm on purpose1 it is best to be forbearing4 ,we never know the force of temptation under which men act2 or the misconceptions under which they labor4 ,we may ourselves have caused their misdoings by some unconscious error of our own4 ,it is well to suspect ourselves sometimes of unknown faults1 and to go on the supposition that what appears unkindness in others towards us1 may be the result of some unguarded word or inconsiderate action on our part towards them4 #b4 ,keep your hearts as full as possible of ,christian love4 ,the more abundant your love1 the less will be your liability either to give or take offence4 #c4 ,and do not overrate the importance of men's misconduct towards you4 ,we are not so much in the power of others as we are prone to imagine4 ,the world is governed by ,god1 and no one can hurt us against ,his will4 ,do that which is right1 and you and your interests are secure4 ,so take things comfortably4 ,and try to overcome evil with good4 ,and if you find the task a hard one1 seek help from ,god4 #c4 ,another lesson which ,i have learned on my way through life is1 that it is dangerous to indulge a spirit of controversy4 ,there may be occasions when controversy is a duty2 but it is best1 as a rule1 just to state what you believe to be the truth1 and leave it to work its way in silence4 ,if people oppose it1 misrepresent it1 or ridicule it1 then state it again at the proper time1 with becoming meekness and gentleness1 and then commit it to the care of its great ,patron4 ,it is difficult to run into controversy without falling into sin4 ,men need to be very wise and good to be able to go through a controversy honorably and usefully2 and by the time they are qualified for the dangerous work1 they prefer more peaceful employment4 ,controversy always tends to produce excess of warmth1 and warmth of a dangerous kind4 ,it often degenerates into a quarrel1 and ends in shame4 ,men go from principles to personalities2 and instead of seeking each other's instruction1 try only to humble and mortify each other4 ,they begin perhaps with a love of truth1 but they end with a struggle for victory4 ,they try to deal fairly at the outset1 but become unscrupulous at last1 and say or do anything that seems likely to harass or injure their opponents4 ,the beginning of strife is like the letting out of water from a reservoir2 there is first a drop1 then a trickle1 then a headlong rushing torrent1 bearing down all before it1 and sweeping away men and their works to destruction4 ,it is best1 therefore1 to take the advice of the proverb1 and leave off contention before it be meddled with4 #d4 ,another lesson that ,i have learnt on my way through life is1 that ministers should deal very tenderly with their younger brethren4 ,they should teach them1 so far as they are able1 and check them when they see them doing anything really wrong2 but they should never interfere needlessly with their spiritual freedom4 ,young men of mind and conscience will think4 ,they will test their creeds by the ,sacred ,oracles1 and endeavor to bring them into harmony with the teachings of ,christ and ,his ,apostles4 ,and it is right they should4 ,it is their duty1 as they have opportunity1 to prove all things4 ,and few young men1 of any considerable powers1 can compare the creeds which they receive in their childhood with the teachings of ,sacred ,scripture1 without coming to the conclusion1 that on some points they are erroneous1 and on others defective2 that on some subjects they contain too much1 and on others too little4 ,and good young men will naturally feel disposed to lay aside what they regard as erroneous1 and to accept what presents itself to their minds as true4 ,in some cases they will make mistakes4 ,the only men that never think wrong1 are those who never think at all4 ,there never was a child born into the world that learned to walk without stumbling occasionally1 and at times even falling outright4 ,and there never was a spiritual child that learned to travel in the paths of religious investigation1 without falling at times into error4 ,but what is to be done on such occasions8 ,what does the mother do when her baby falls8 ,does she run and kick the poor little creature1 and say1 ,you naughty1 dirty tike1 if ever you try to walk again1 ,i will throw you into the gutter8 ,on the contrary1 she runs and catches up the dear little thing2 and if it has hurt itself1 she kisses the place to make it well1 and says1 ,try again1 my darling2 try again4 ,and it does try again3 and in course of time it learns to walk as steadily as its mother2 and when she begins to stagger under the infirmities of age1 it takes her hand1 and steadies her goings4 ,and so it should be in spiritual matters4 ,when a good young man falls into error1 we should treat him with the tenderness and affection of a mother4 ,we were gentle among you1 says ,paul to the ,thessalonians1 even as a nurse cherisheth her children4 ,and this is the example that we should follow towards our younger brethren4 ,whether we would keep them from erring1 or bring them back when they go astray1 we should treat them tenderly4444 ,we should try to win their love and confidence4 ,men can often be led1 when they cannot be driven4 ,there are numbers who1 if you attempt to drive them1 will run the contrary way2 who1 if you treat them with respect1 and show them that you love them1 will follow you where-ever you may go4 ,but you must give them time4 ,they cannot always come right all at once4 ,when a fisherman angles for large fish1 he provides himself with a flexible1 elastic rod1 and a good long length of line2 and when he has hooked his prey1 he gives it the line without stint1 and allows it to dart to and fro1 and plunge and flounder at pleasure1 till it has tired itself well1 and then he brings it to the bank with ease4 ,if he were to attempt to drag the fish to the shore at once1 by main force1 it would snap his rod1 or break his line1 and get away into the deep2 and he would lose both his fish and his tackle4 ,and so it is in the world of mind4 ,when we have to do with vigorous and active-minded young men1 we must allow their intellects a little play4 ,we must wait till they begin to feel their weakness4 ,we must place a little confidence in them1 and give them a chance both of finding out their deficiencies1 and of developing their strength4 ,it would not be amiss if elder preachers could go on the supposition that they are not quite perfect or infallible themselves1--that it is possible that their brethren may discover some truth in ,scripture1 that has not yet found its way into their creed2 or detect some error in their creed1 that has lurked there unsuspected for ages4 ,and they ought to be willing to learn1 as well as disposed to teach4 ,but in any case1 if our studious young brethren miss their way sometimes1 we must be kind and gentle towards them1 and in our endeavors to save them1 must proceed with care4 ,deal harshly with them1 and you drive them into heresy or unbelief4 ,deal gently and lovingly with them1 and you bring them back to the truth4 ,how often the disciples of ,jesus erred with regard to the nature of ,his kingdom1 and the means by which it was to be established4 ,yet how patiently ,he bore with them4 ,and in this1 as in other things1 ,he has left us an example that we should tread in ,his steps4 ,the sun keeps the planets within their spheres1 and even brings back the comets from their far-off wanderings1 by the gentle power of attraction4 ,and the ,sun of ,righteousness keeps ,his spiritual planets in their orbits1 and brings from the blackness of darkness the stars that wander1 by the same sweet power4 ,and the secondary lights of the world must keep their satellites in their orbits1 and bring back to their spheres the stars that fall or lose their way1 by kindred influences4 ,the mightiest and divinest power in the universe is ,,love4 #e4 ,and now comes a lesson to the young thinkers4 ,suppose your elder brethren should treat you unkindly2 suppose they should discourage your search after truth1 and require you to conform your creed to their own ideas1 and your way of speaking to their own old style of expression2 suppose that they should look with suspicion on your endeavors to come nearer to the truth1 and1 whenever you give utterance to a thought or an expression at variance with their own1 should denounce you as heretics1 and threaten you with excommunication1 what should you do8 ,we answer1 go quietly on in the fear of the ,lord4 ,make no complaint1 but prepare yourselves for expulsion4 ,when expelled1 go quietly to some ,church that can tolerate your freedom1 and work there in peace as the servants of ,god4 ,cherish no resentment4 ,commit your cause to ,god1 and1 laboring to do ,his will1 leave ,him to choose your lot4 ,even the trials that come from the ignorance or wickedness of men1 are of ,god's appointment4 ,we are taught that it was by ,god's ordination that ,judas betrayed ,christ2 that ,god employed the wickedness of the traitor for the accomplishment of ,his great designs4 ,david said1 referring to ,shimei1 ,let him curse1 for ,god hath commanded him4 ,god employed the wickedness of ,shimei1 to try and punish ,david4 ,wesley has embodied the sentiment in one of his hymns1 as follows3 ,lord1 ,i adore ,thy gracious will2 ,through every instrument of ill ,my ,father's goodness see3 ,accept the complicated wrong ,of ,shimei's hand1 and ,shimei's tongue1 ,as kind rebukes from ,thee4 ,joseph said1 ,god had sent him down to ,egypt to save many souls alive4 ,his wicked brethren were only the instruments of his banishment4 ,they meant it for evil1 ,god turned it to good4 ,and so in your case3 ,god may be using the ignorance or the wickedness of your persecutors to separate you from a body for which you are not fitted1 and to place you in one where you will be more useful and more happy4 ,when we do right1 ,god will make the errors1 and even the sins of our enemies1 work for our good4 #f4 ,another lesson which ,i have thoroughly learnt is1 that though men may become unbelievers through other causes than vice1 they cannot continue unbelievers without spiritual and moral loss4 ,the inevitable tendency of infidelity is to debase men's souls4 ,and here ,i speak not on the testimony of others merely1 but from extensive observation and personal experience4 ,i have known numbers whom infidelity has degraded1 but none whom it has elevated4 ,we do not say that every change in a ,christian's belief is demoralizing4 ,disbelief in error1 resulting from increase of knowledge1 may improve his character2 but the loss of faith in ,christ1 and ,god1 and immortality1 can never do otherwise than strengthen a man's tendencies to vice1 and weaken his inclinations towards virtue4 ,when infidels say that their unbelief has made them more virtuous1 they attach different ideas to the word virtuous from those which ,christians attach to it4 ,they call evil good1 and good evil4 ,the secularists call fornication and adultery virtue4 ,but this is fraud4 ,that infidelity is unfavorable to what men generally call virtue1 and friendly to what men generally call vice1 infidels themselves know4 ,their passions and prejudices may make them doubt the bad influence of their unbelief for a time1 but not long4 ,i myself questioned the downward tendency of infidelity in my own case for a time1 but facts proved too strong for me in the end4 ,my friends could see a deterioration both in my temper and conduct4 ,and there was a falling off in my zeal and labors for the good of mankind from the first4 ,there was a falling off even in my talents4 ,there was a greater tendency to self-indulgence4 ,it was owing to the still lingering influence of my early faith1 and of my early ,christian tastes and habits1 that ,i was no worse4 ,the virtue which ,i retained ,i owed to the religion on which ,i had unhappily turned my back4 ,when unbelievers are moral1 they are so1 not in consequence1 but in spite of their unbelief4 ,when ,christian believers are bad1 they are so1 not in consequence1 but in spite of their religion4 ,infidelity tends to destroy conscience4 ,it annihilates the great motives to virtue4 ,it strengthens the selfish and weakens the benevolent affections and tendencies of our nature1 and smoothes the road to utter depravity4 ,the farther men wander from ,christ1 and the longer they remain away1 the nearer they approach to utter degeneracy4 ,it seldom happens that men who have lived long under the influence of ,christianity1 become grossly immoral as soon as they lose their faith3 but they decline in virtue from the first1 and utter depravation comes in time4 ,i have seen a tree growing prostrate on the ground1 when many of its roots had been torn up from the soil2 but it grew very poorly2 and the growth it made was owing to the hold which the remainder of its roots still had on the soil4 ,the branch that is cut off from the tree may retain a portion of its sap1 and show some signs of languishing life for weeks2 but it dies at length4 ,and so with the branches cut off from the spiritual vine2 they gradually wither and decay4 ,the iron taken white hot from the furnace1 does not get cool at once2 but it gradually comes down to the temperature of the atmosphere with which it is surrounded4 ,the prodigal did not get through his share of his father's property in a day1 but he found himself perishing of hunger at length4 ,a man does not die the moment he ceases to eat1 but he will die if he persists in his abstinence4 ,a man may live in an unhealthy district1 and breathe unwholesome air for some time1 without apparent injury2 but disease will show itself in the end4 ,it is not uncharitableness that makes us speak thus1 but charity itself4 ,it is desirable1 that both believers and unbelievers should know the truth on this important subject4 ,infidelity is the enemy of all virtue1 and consequently of all happiness2 and it is necessary that this should be generally and thoroughly known1 and that the old-fashioned prejudice against it should be allowed to keep its ground1 and remain as strong as ever4 ,and ,christians must show their charity towards unbelievers1 not by abating men's horror of infidelity1 but by endeavoring to deliver them from its deadly power4 #g4 ,and here comes another lesson4 ,do not suppose that unbelievers are irreclaimable4 ,there is always good ground to hope for the conversion of those unbelievers who retain a respect for virtue1 if they are properly treated2 and even those who are sunk in vice should not be abandoned in despair4 ,several of those who have returned to ,christ during the last ten years1 were men who had gone far in various forms of wickedness4 ,and many of those converts from infidelity of whom we read in old religious books1 were persons of immoral character4 ,and though habits of vice are not easily broken off1 yet the miseries they entail on men may rouse them to more vigorous efforts for their deliverance4 ,and it sometimes happens that those who are poor in promise1 are rich in performance4 ,you remember the ,saviour's parable of the two sons4 ,the ,father said to the first1 ,son1 go work to-day in my vineyard4 ,and he answered and said1 ,i will not1 but afterwards he repented and went4 ,and the father said to the second1 ,go4 ,and he answered and said1 ,i go1 ,sir1 and went not4 ,and this1 said ,christ1 is what takes place between ,me and mankind4 ,i say to the fair-seeming people1 ,give yourselves to ,god2 and they answer1 ,we will1 ,lord1 but still live on in selfishness and sin4 ,i say to abandoned profligates1 ,give yourselves to ,god2 and they answer1 ,we will not2 but on thinking the matter over1 they repent and live to ,god4 ,harlots and publicans enter the kingdom of ,god1 while scribes and pharisees remain without4 ,the oyster1 if you look at its outward covering1 is a hard case2 yet within1 it is soft and tender in the extreme4 ,the ugliest caterpillar is but an undeveloped butterfly1 and in time1 if placed under favorable influences1 may leave its crawling1 and mount aloft on wings of gold and silver4 ,and it often happens that the worst children make the best men4 ,the fiercest persecutor of the early ,church became the chief of the ,apostles4 ,he was honest when dragging the saints to prison2 and all that was wanted to make him a preacher of the faith which he labored so madly to destroy1 was ,,light4 ,and so it is still4 ,some of the most unhappy and unpromising of men and women may require but a gentle word1 a glimmer of light1 or a manifestation of your kind concern for their welfare1 to win their hearts to ,god4 ,it does not appear that any of the early ,christians supposed that there was anything good in the heart of ,saul the persecutor1 and nothing is said of any attempt on their part to convince him of his error4 ,and many1 even when they heard he was converted1 could not believe the story4 ,and even ,ananias1 when told by ,god ,himself that the converted persecutor was praying1 could not get over his fears and suspicions all at once4 ,when ,god said1 ,go1 and help the poor man1 ,ananias answered1 ,lord1 ,i have heard by many of this man1 how much evil he hath done to ,thy saints at ,jerusalem4 ,but the ,lord said unto him1 ,go thy way1 haste to his help1 for he is a chosen vessel unto ,me1 to bear ,my name before the ,gentiles1 and to kings1 and to the children of ,israel4 ,at last ,ananias went his way1 and visited the praying penitent4 ,but even after this1 when ,paul had been preaching for some time with great success1 and had made the greatest sacrifices1 and braved even death itself1 in the cause of ,christ1 there were numbers who doubted his sincerity4 ,when he went to ,jerusalem1 and attempted to join himself to the disciples1 they were all afraid of him1 and did not believe that he was a disciple4 ,barnabas however1 good man1 took him by the hand1 and succeeded at length in obtaining for him1 to some extent1 the advantages of ,church fellowship4 ,here then we have a couple of lessons2 the first is1 to seek the conversion of unbelievers2 the second is1 to guard against an excess of skepticism in ourselves with regard to the sincerity of those who appear to be converted4 ,it would be well in forming our judgments of persons professing religion1 to follow the rule laid down by ,christ1 ,by their fruits ye shall know them4 ,a good tree cannot bring forth bad fruit1 nor a bad tree good fruit4 ,if men live soberly1 righteously1 and godly--if they make great sacrifices1 and incur reproach and persecution for ,christ1 and labor zealously in ,his cause1 it is no great stretch of charity to go on the supposition1 that their profession of faith in ,god and ,christ is sincere4 #h4 ,but suppose the churches should treat a convert from infidelity as the church at ,jerusalem treated ,paul1 what should he do8 ,we would say1 ,take all quietly1 and go zealously on with your work4 ,you are the servant of ,god1 and not of man2 and you must not desert your ,master1 because a number of ,his servants err in their judgment of you1 or show1 in their conduct towards you1 a lack of charity4 ,serve your ,redeemer all the more faithfully4 ,this was the course which ,paul took4 ,he increased the more in strength2 and he abounded the more in labors4 ,it would be a poor excuse for the neglect of your duty to ,god and ,christ1 to yourselves and your fellow creatures1 to say1 ,the churches did not treat us as kindly as they ought2 they doubted our sincerity4 ,such conduct would not only be exceedingly wicked1 but extremely foolish4 ,it would be the surest way to confirm the doubts of the churches1 and make them feel1 that in treating you coldly1 they had acted wisely4 ,the surest way to gain the confidence of the ,church1 is not to care too much about it4 ,if you show that you are satisfied with the favor of ,god1 and with your own sweet consciousness of the happy change you have experienced1 everything else will come in its season4 ,goodness will draw after it the reputation of goodness4 ,the shadow will follow the substance4 ,and whether it does or not1 your duty is to be resigned and cheerful4 ,a man that has really been converted from infidelity to ,christianity1 will be so happy1 and will feel so thankful for the blessed change1 if he appreciates it as he ought1 that he will hardly care whether he has the favor and confidence of his brethren or not4 ,there is no intimation that the returned ,prodigal looked black at his father1 and threatened to go back again into the far country1 because his elder brother refused to join in his welcome home4 ,the probability is1 that he felt so ashamed of his sin and folly1 so overpowered with the tenderness of his father1 and so happy to find himself at home again1 that he never inquired whether other people were satisfied or not4 ,the father noticed the unhappiness of his elder son1 and sought to soothe and comfort him2 but the younger son was occupied with other thoughts2 and having suffered long the grievous pangs of hunger1 he would1 for a time at least1 be busy at the table1 speculating in raptures1 it may be1 on the difference between the flesh of the fatted calf1 and the husks that the swine did eat4 ,it is1 in one respect1 an advantage to the converted unbeliever to be treated by the ,church with shyness4 ,it affords him an opportunity of proving his attachment to ,christ and ,christianity1 in a way in which he could not prove it1 if every one welcomed him with demonstrations of affection1 and signs of joy4 ,none are so slow to believe in the sincerity of a converted infidel as infidels themselves2 and to be able to give to his old associates a proof so decisive of the genuineness of his change1 and of the value he puts on ,christianity1 will be regarded by the convert as a privilege of no light value4 ,and it is fit and proper1 as well as better for the convert1 that he should be reminded of his former weakness1 and incited to watchfulness and humility1 by the pain of some kind of life-long disadvantage4 #i4 ,let no one expect to get through the world without trouble4 ,the thing is not possible4 ,nor is it desirable4 ,we need a little trouble now and then to keep us awake2 and ,god will take care that we have it4 ,we had better therefore look for it1 and when it comes1 bear it patiently4 ,it is no use fretting or fuming2 it only makes things worse4 ,when we are restless under little troubles1 ,god sends us greater ones2 and if our impatience continues1 he sends us greater still4 ,and there is no remedy4 ,an eel may wriggle itself out of the frying-pan1 into the fire2 but it cannot wriggle itself back again out of the fire1 even into the frying-pan4 ,and so it is with us4 ,we may wriggle ourselves out of one little trouble1 into two greater ones2 but we cannot wriggle ourselves back again out of the two greater ones1 into the little one4 ,the longer we resist the will of ,god1 the worse we shall fare4 ,we had better therefore bear the ills we have1 than plunge into others that we know not of4 ,it is best to submit at once4 ,if we were wise we should say with the ,redeemer1 ,the cup that ,my ,father giveth me1 shall ,i not drink it8 ,god knows what is best for us1 and ,he will never inflict on us a pang which ,he does not see to be necessary to our usefulness and welfare4 ,it is not for ,his own pleasure that ,he afflicts us1 but for our profit1 that we may be partakers of ,his holiness4 ,and sorrow is the seed of joy4 ,and pain adds to the sweetness of our pleasures4 ,hunger sweetens our food1 and thirst our drink1 and weariness our moments of rest2 and our light afflictions1 which are but for a moment1 work out for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory4 ,we are quite mistaken when we look at our trials as unmixed evils4 ,they are blessings in disguise4 ,the dripping clouds which hide the sun1 enrich the earth4 ,the difficulties with which we have to contend1 increase our strength4 ,the tail of the kite1 which seems to pull it down1 helps it to rise4 ,and the afflictions1 which seem to press us to the ground1 help to raise us to heaven4 ,let us take our lot with meekness then1 and learn in all things to say to our ,heavenly ,father1 ,thy will be done4 #aj4 ,join the ,church4 ,the ,church is an institution of ,heaven1 and connection with it is necessary to your spiritual safety4 ,some think they can stand alone2 but when they make the attempt1 they fall4 ,no one can stand1 who does not use the means which ,god has given him for his support2 and one of those means is fellowship with the ,church4 ,without civil society men gradually sink into barbarism2 and without religious society ,christians sink into earthliness and impiety4 ,some of the sweetest and most beautiful of our flowering shrubs1 and some of the richest of our fruit-bearing trees1 are unable to raise themselves from the ground without the assistance of their stronger kindred4 ,this is the case with the honeysuckle1 the ivy1 and the grape vine4 ,left to themselves on the open plain1 they sprawl upon the ground1 choked with the grass1 and cropped and trampled on by beasts1 until at length they perish4 ,but placed in woods or hedgerows1 they clasp with their living tendrils1 or embrace with their whole bodies1 their vigorous neighbors1 climb to the light and sunshine by their aid1 display their blossoms1 and bear their rich delicious fruit in full perfection4 ,and we are like these trees4 ,we must have support from others1 or perish4 ,this is not all4 ,even the stoutest and strongest trees1 such as the oak1 the ash1 and the sycamore1 do best in company4 ,plant those trees in groves1 and guard them from the crushing steps and greedy maws of cattle1 and they grow up tall1 and straight1 and smooth4 ,they shield each other from the stormy winds1 and they show a sort of silent emulation1 each raising its head as high as possible1 to catch the freshest air and the fullest streams of light4 ,but plant one of those trees alone in the open field1 and leave it unfenced and unguarded1 and the probability is1 it will perish4 ,if it should escape destruction1 its growth will be retarded1 and its form will be disfigured4 ,it will have neither size nor comeliness4 ,it will be cropped by the cattle1 and bent and twisted by the winds2 it will be stunted and dwarfed1 crooked and mis-shapen1 knotted and gnarled1 neither pleasant to the eye1 nor good for timber4 ,not one in a thousand would ever become a tall1 a straight1 and a majestic tree4 ,mr4 ,darwin says1 that on some large tracts on which1 while they were unenclosed and unprotected1 there was not a tree to be seen1 there soon appeared1 after the land was enclosed by a fence1 a countless multitude of fine ,scotch firs4 ,the seeds of these trees had been sown by some means1 and they had germinated1 and the embryo trees had sprung up2 but the cattle had cropped the tender shoots1 or crushed and trampled them down1 and not one had been able to raise its head above the grass or heather4 ,on looking down and searching carefully among the heather1 he found in one square yard of ground1 no fewer than thirty-two small trees1 one of which had been vainly trying to raise its head above the heather for six and twenty years4 ,after this tract of land had been enclosed for awhile1 it was covered thick with a countless multitude of fine young trees4 ,and so it is with ,christians4 ,leave them in the open common of the world1 and they gradually come down to a level with the tastes and manners of the world4 ,place them within the guarded enclosures of the ,church1 and they rise to the dignity and glory of saints4 ,he that walketh with wise men shall be wise2 but a companion of fools shall be destroyed4 ,hence the ,lord added to the ,church daily such as should be saved4 ,when you get into the ,church1 stay there as long as you honestly can2 and honor it by a truly ,christian life2 and aid it by your labors2 and support it liberally with your money4 ,the best spent money in the world is that which is employed in promoting the spread of ,christianity4 ,and try to live in peace both with your pastor and your fellow-members4 ,obey the rules4 ,do not dream of unlimited liberty2 you cannot have it2 and it would do you no good if you could1 but harm4 ,and unlimited liberty for one1 would be slavery or martyrdom for the rest4 ,judge the ,church and your pastors charitably1 as you would like to be judged yourself4 ,expect to find imperfections in them1 and make as much allowance for them as you can1 that they may be led to make allowances for the imperfections they find in you4 ,look more at the good that is in your brethren than at the evil2 it will cause you to love them the more1 and make you feel happier in their company4 ,if any of them be overtaken in a fault1 try to restore them1 in the spirit of meekness4 ,and let the mishaps of your brethren remind you that you too are exposed to temptation4 ,calculate on meeting with trials or unpleasantnesses in the ,church occasionally2 for offences are sure to come4 ,churches are made up of men1 and men are full of imperfections1 so that misunderstandings1 and even misdoings at times1 are inevitable4 ,you may be misjudged or undervalued4 ,there will be differences of tastes and opinions1 and even clashings of interest1 between you and your brethren4 ,and trials may come from quarters from which you could never have expected them1 and of a kind that you could not possibly anticipate4 ,but make up your minds1 by the help of ,god1 to bear all patiently4 ,remember how ,god has borne with you2 and consider what ,jesus suffered from the weaknesses1 the errors1 and the sins of men2 and how meekly and patiently ,he endured4 ,and understand that others may have to bear with as many unpleasantnesses from you1 as you have to bear with from them4 ,you may misunderstand or undervalue others1 as much as they misunderstand or undervalue you4 ,and others may be as much disappointed in you1 as you are in them4 ,and you may try their patience1 as much as they try yours4 ,we know when we are hurt by others1 but we do not always know when others are hurt by us4 ,and we can see the defects of others1 when we cannot see our own4 ,and we should consider1 that they will know when they are hurt by us1 when they may not know that we are hurt by them2 and that they will be able to see our imperfections1 when they will be quite unconscious of their own4 ,and if we would not have them to make too much of our defects and blunders1 we must not make too much of theirs4 ,if they can bear with us1 we must learn to bear with them1 and think ourselves well off to have things settled so4 ,if we could see ourselves as ,god sees us1 we might be more astonished that others should be able to bear with us1 than that we should be required to bear with them4 ,and the trials we meet with in the ,church will do us good1 if we look at them in a proper light1 and receive them in a proper spirit4 ,they will reveal to us the defects of our brethren1 and draw us to labor for their improvement4 ,and in laboring for the improvement of others1 we shall improve ourselves4 ,and the unpleasant friction which takes place between us and our brethren1 will only tend to smoothe the ruggedness of our temper1 and rub off the unevennesses of our character1 provided we can keep ourselves from impatience and resentment4 ,in going along the course of a brook or a river1 you sometimes come upon a bend1 where you find a heap of smooth and nicely rounded pebble stones thrown up4 ,did you ever ask yourselves how these pebbles came to be so round and smooth8 ,when broken off from their respective rocks1 they were as irregular in form1 they had as sharp corners1 and as rough1 and ragged1 and jagged edges1 and were altogether as ugly and unsightly things as any fragments of rocks you ever looked upon4 ,but they got into the water1 and the stream rolled them along1 and rubbed them gently one against another1 and this was the way they came to be so round and smooth4 ,there is no doubt1 that if the stones could have talked1 and if they had had no more sense than we have1 whenever they found that their neighbor stones were rubbing them1 they would have screamed out1 ,oh6 how you scratch2 never dreaming that they were scratching the other stones just as much at the same time4 ,but fortunately the stones could not talk2 and though they had not so much sense as we have1 they had less nonsense1 and that served them as well--so they took their rubbing quietly2 and hence the smoothness of their surface1 and the beauty of their shape4 ,now here we are1 living stones in the great stream of time1 tumbled about and rubbed one against another4 ,let us take our rubbing patiently1 and give ourselves a chance of getting rid of our unevennesses1 and of being brought to a comely shape4 ,have patience1 my friends4 ,the trouble will not continue long4 ,when we have got our proper shape1 ,god will remove us to our proper places in that living temple which ,he is building in the heavens1 and our rubbing will be at an end for ever4 ,when ,i was first invited by the ,primitive ,methodists of ,tunstall to preach in their chapel1 one of the class-leaders and local preachers in the circuit threw up his plan1 and sent in his class-book1 saying he would not belong to a society that would allow ,joseph ,barker to preach in their pulpits4 ,he was under a wrong impression with regard to my views4 ,one of the ,tunstall travelling preachers went to see him1 and told him that he was laboring under a mistake1 and advised him to take back his class-book and plan4 ,come1 said he1 and have a little talk with ,mr4 ,barker4 ,he came1 and found he had been mistaken4 ,forgive me1 said he4 ,i cannot1 said ,i2 you have committed no offence4 ,i will save my pardons till you do something really wicked4 ,then let us pray1 said he2 and we knelt down1 and prayed for one another1 and we all felt better4 ,he came that night to hear me lecture4 ,the subject was ,,the ,,church4 ,i spoke of the unpleasantnesses with which we sometimes meet from our brethren1 and while exhorting my hearers to take their trials patiently1 ,i used the illustration ,i have given here4 ,the old man sat on my left in the front of the gallery1 and was much excited4 ,he wept4 ,at length1 unable any longer to restrain his feelings1 he cried aloud1 ,glory2 ,hallelujah2 ,i'll stop and be rubbed4 ,he did stop4 ,but he had not much more rubbing to endure4 ,in less than twelve months1 on retiring one night to rest1 in his usual health1 he passed away suddenly1 and peacefully1 to his rest in heaven4 ,let us stop and be rubbed4 ,better be rubbed in the ,church1 than thrown out into the broad highway of the world1 and broken with the strong man's hammer4 #aa4 ,and now with regard to reform4 ,it is right that we should be reformers4 ,there are plenty of evils both in the ,church and the ,state1 as well as in individuals1 and it is our duty to do what we can to abate or cure them4 ,but there is a right and a wrong way of going about the business1 and if we would avoid doing mischief while we are trying to do good1 we must proceed with care4 ,reformers must learn to wait as well as to work4 ,you cannot make churches1 or states1 or even individuals1 all that you would like them to be1 in a moment4 ,you cannot make yourselves what you would like to be as quickly as you would wish4 ,if you are like a man that ,i know1 you will find the improvement of your own habits1 and tempers1 and manners1 a task for life4 ,and if the change for the better is so slow in yourselves1 whom you have in your hands continually1 and with whom you can take what liberties you please1 what can you expect it to be in others8 ,it is the law of ,god that things shall pass from bad to good1 and from better to best1 by slow and almost imperceptible gradations4 ,all the great and beneficent operations of ,nature are silent and slow4 ,nothing starts suddenly into being2 nothing arrives instantly at perfection2 nothing falls instantly into decay4 ,the germination of the seed1 the growth of the plant1 the swelling of the bud1 the opening of the flower1 the ripening of the fruit1 are all the results of slow and silent operations4 ,still slower is the growth of the majestic forest4 ,and the trees of greatest worth1 which supply us with our choicest and most durable timber1 have the slowest growth of all4 ,and so it is with things that live and move4 ,their growth is silent as the grave4 ,and man1 the highest of created beings1 advances to maturity most tardily of all4 ,our development is so gradual1 that the changes we undergo from day to day are imperceptible4 ,and the development of our minds is as gradual as the growth of our bodies4 ,we gather our knowledge a thought1 a fact1 a lesson at a time4 ,we form our character1 a line1 a trace1 a touch a day4 ,society is subject to the same law4 ,churches and nations are collections of individuals1 each changing slowly1 and must therefore themselves change more slowly still4 ,you cannot force the growth of a single plant or animal at pleasure2 still less can you force at will the advancement or improvement of society4 ,you may change a nation's laws and institutions suddenly1 but the change will be of no service1 so long as the minds of the people remain unchanged4 ,all the great beneficent changes of ,nature are gradual4 ,how slowly the darkness of the night gives place to the morning dawn1 and how slowly the grey dawn of the morning brightens into noon6 ,how slowly the cold of winter gives place to the warmth of spring and summer4 ,how slowly the seed deposited in the ground springs up1 putting forth first the blade1 then the ear1 and then the full ripe corn in the ear4 ,and how slowly we grow up from babyhood to manhood1 and how slowly we pass on from early sprightly manhood1 to the sobriety and wisdom of age4 ,and how slowly the nations advance in science1 in arts1 and in commerce2 in religion1 and morals1 and government4 ,and so it is in all the works of ,god4 ,even the startling phenomena presented by the earth's surface1 which earlier philosophers supposed to be the result of violent and sudden convulsions1 are now regarded as the result of the slow and ordinary action of natural powers4 ,leisurely movement is the eternal and universal law4 ,and it is no use complaining2 you cannot alter it4 ,you cannot make a hen hatch her eggs in less than three weeks1 do what you will4 ,you may crack the shells1 thinking to let the chickens out a little earlier2 but you let death in1 and the chickens never do come out at all4 ,the more haste the less speed4 ,i have had proof of this more than once in my own experience4 ,i once lived in a house terribly infested with rats1 and ,i wanted to get rid of them as quick as ,i could1 for they were a great nuisance4 ,but1 ,i was in too big a hurry to succeed4 ,one night ,i heard a terrible splashing in the water-tub in the cellar4 ,that's a rat1 said ,i1 ,i'll dispatch that1 anyhow3 and ,i took the lighted candle and poker1 and hastened into the cellar1 thinking to kill the creature at once4 ,when the rat saw me with candle and poker1 it made an extra spring1 completely cleared the edge of the tub1 and got safe away into its hole4 ,i was in such a hurry to kill it1 that ,i saved its life4 ,when ,i got to it1 it was drowning itself as nicely as it could do2 and if ,i had had patience to wait1 it would have been dead in ten minutes4 ,but because ,i would not wait1 and let it die quietly1 it would not die at all4 ,and it may be living now for anything ,i know1 and may have bred a hundred other rats since then1 and all because ,i would not give it time to die in peace4 ,there are rats everywhere still4 ,there are rats in the ,church1 rats in the ,state2 rats in palaces1 and rats in hovels4 ,there are rats of despotism and tyranny1 rats of slavery and war1 rats of rebellion and anarchy4 ,there are rats of superstition and idolatry1 rats of heresy and infidelity1 rats of intemperance and licentiousness4 ,and it is right to try to kill them off4 ,but we had better go to work carefully4 ,we cannot put things right in an instant4 ,and when wicked laws1 or vicious principles have received their death blow1 we had better give them time to die in quiet4 ,haste and impatience may spoil all4 #ab4 ,though unbelief may not always be a sin1 it is always a great calamity4 ,as we have said1 its tendency is always to immorality1 and immorality always tends to misery and death4 ,byron perished in his prime1 and his short life and his untimely death were both unhappy4 ,unbelievers are seldom happy in their domestic relations4 ,and in cutting themselves off from ,god1 they reduce the noblest affections of their souls to starvation4 ,they have no suitable exercise or gratification for their natural instinctive gratitude1 their reverence1 or their love4 ,they have nothing in which they can securely trust4 ,even their family and social affections often decline and die4 ,many unbelievers are poor1 and infidel poverty is always envious4 ,the world is a very trying one to unbelievers3 hardly anything pleases them2 and nothing pleases them long4 ,rulers do not please them3 they are despots and tyrants4 ,their fellow subjects do not please them3 they are cowardly slaves4 ,their masters do not please them3 they are extortioners4 ,their men do not please them3 they are knaves4 ,the rich do not please them3 they are leeches1 caterpillars1 cormorants4 ,the poor do not please them3 they are mean1 deceitful and dishonest4 ,religion does not please them2 it is superstition3 and philosophy does not please them2 it is a bore and a sham4 ,priests do not please them2 they are cheats3 and the people do not please them2 they are dupes4 ,the climates do not suit them3 they are too hot1 or too cold2 too damp1 or too dry2 and the seasons do not please them--they are always uncertain1 and seldom right4 ,the world at large disgusts them3 it takes the part of their enemies4 ,it favors the religious classes1 and mocks and tortures the infidel philosopher4 ,their bodies are not right2 they are always ailing1 and threatening to give way3 and their minds are not right2 they are never contented and at rest4 ,there is nothing right in the present2 and there is nothing promising in the future4 ,they think themselves the wisest people in the world1 yet people in general regard them as fools2 and they themselves can see that their fancied wisdom does not prove their friend4 ,they can give no explanation of the mysteries of the universe4 ,they cannot account for the facts which geology reveals with regard to the natural history of the globe4 ,they cannot account for the mechanism of the heavens1 or the chemistry of the earth4 ,they cannot account for life1 organization1 or intelligence4 ,they cannot account for instinct4 ,they cannot account for the marks of design which are everywhere visible in ,nature1 nor for the numberless wonders of special arrangement and adaptation manifest in her works4 ,they cannot account for the difference between man and the lower animals4 ,animals can indulge themselves freely and take no harm2 man cannot indulge himself freely without misery and ruin4 ,animals can be happy without self-denial2 man cannot4 ,man excels in the gift of reason1 yet commits mistakes1 and perpetrates crimes1 which we look for in vain among the beasts of the field4 ,man1 with a thousand times more power than the brutes1 and with immensely greater capacities and opportunities for happiness1 is frequently the most miserable being on earth4 ,on the supposition that man was made for a different end1 and endowed with a different nature from the brutes--on the supposition that man was made for virtue1 for piety1 for rational1 religious self-government1 for voluntary obedience to ,god1 for the joy of a good conscience1 for heaven--in a word1 on the supposition that the ,scriptural and ,christian doctrine about man is true1 all this is explained2 but on the infidel theory all is a torturing1 maddening mystery4 ,and let infidels do what they will1 and say what they please1 the world at large will hold to the religious theory4 ,mahometans1 ,pagans1 and ,christians all insist that man is made for higher work1 and meant for a higher destiny1 than the lower animals4 ,the ,christian theory is accepted by the highest of our race4 ,they regard it with the deepest reverence4 ,the books that unfold it they regard as divine4 ,they read them in their families4 ,they read them in their temples4 ,they teach them in their schools4 ,they publish them in every language2 they send them round the globe4 ,in ,england and ,america1 the first of the nations1 you see them everywhere4 ,you meet with them in hotels1 in boarding-houses1 at railway stations1 and on steam packets2 in asylums and infirmaries2 in barracks and in prisons2 in poor-houses and in palaces2 in the drawing-rooms of the wealthy1 and in the hovels of the poor4 ,the greatest scholars and rarest geniuses devote their lives to the diffusion of their doctrines2 and there is no probability of a change4 ,if ,christianity be false1 the world is mad3 if it be true1 the case of the infidel is deplorable in the extreme4 ,and that many portions of the ,christian system are true1 is past doubt4 ,they carry the evidence of their truth on their very face4 ,and other portions admit of easy proof4 ,the truth of many ,christian doctrines can be proved by experience4 ,and the rest are probable enough4 ,there is nothing absurd1 nothing irrational in ,christianity4 ,the teachings of ,christ are the perfection of goodness4 ,they are the perfection of wisdom and beauty4 ,even ,goethe could say1 ,the human race can never attain to anything higher than ,christianity1 as presented in the life and teachings of its ,founder4 ,and again he says1 ,how much soever spiritual culture may advance1 the natural sciences broaden and deepen1 and the human mind enlarge1 the world will never get beyond the loftiness and moral culture of ,christianity as it shines and glistens in the ,gospels4--,farhenlehre1 iii4 #cg4 ,and nothing can be more true4 ,look for a few moments at ,christ and ,christianity4 ,and1 first1 what is ,christ as presented in the ,gospels8 #a4 ,he is1 first1 holy1 harmless1 undefiled2 a lamb without blemish and without spot4 ,this is the lowest trait in ,his character4 ,yet it is a great thing for any one to remain innocent in a world like this1 with a nature like ours4 #b4 ,but ,he was1 second1 an example of the highest moral and spiritual excellence4 ,he was devout1 pious1 resigned1 towards ,his ,heavenly ,father4 ,he was full of benevolence towards men4 ,he did good4 ,the happiness of mankind was the end1 and doing good the business1 of ,his life4 ,he had no other object4 ,he paid no regard to wealth1 to power1 to pleasure1 or to fame4 ,he was so fixed and single in ,his aim1 that there is no room for mistake4 ,to do good1 to bless mankind1 was ,his meat and drink4 #c4 ,and ,he did good to men's bodies as well as to their souls4 ,while ,he taught the ignorant1 and reformed the bad1 and comforted the penitent1 ,he healed the sick1 gave sight to the blind1 hearing to the deaf1 bread to the hungry1 and life to the dead4 #d4 ,he enjoined the same way of life on ,his disciples4 ,freely ye have received1 said ,he1 freely give4 #e4 ,while ,he lived and labored for the good of all1 ,he paid special attention to the poor4 #f4 ,yet ,he never flattered the poor1 nor pandered to their prejudices or passions4 ,he never taught them to envy the rich1 or revile the great1 or to throw the blame of their sorrows on others4 #g4 ,while kind to the poor1 ,he was just and respectful to the rich4 ,his conduct to ,nicodemus1 to ,zaccheus1 to the young man that came to question ,him about the way to heaven1 and to the ,roman centurion1 was courteous and comely to the last degree4 ,he was faithful1 but not harsh4 #h4 ,he was good to all classes4 ,he loved the ,jews1 yet ,he was just and kind to the ,samaritans1 to the ,syro-phenician woman1 and to the ,roman soldier4 #i4 ,he was especially kind to women1 even to the fallen ones4 ,he showed none of that indifference or disdain for woman that the proud barbarian exhibits1 or of that heartless contempt which the vicious sensualist manifests4 ,he rose alike above the selfish passions and the inveterate prejudices of his age1 and conferred on the injured sex the blessings of freedom and dignity1 of purity and blessedness4 #aj4 ,he showed the tenderest regard to children4 ,he took them in ,his arms and blessed them1 and said1 ,suffer little children to come unto ,me1 and forbid them not1 for of such is the kingdom of heaven4 #aa4 ,he was kind to the outcast4 ,he was a friend of publicans and sinners4 ,he went among the lowest1 the most neglected1 the most despised1 the most hated and dreaded of mankind1 and labored for their salvation4 ,the parables of the ,lost ,sheep1 and of the ,prodigal ,son1 speak volumes in ,his praise4 #ab4 ,he was always gentle1 tolerant1 and forgiving4 ,he refused to bring down fire from heaven on the villagers that had slighted ,him1 saying ,the ,son of ,man is not come to destroy men's lives1 but to save them4 ,he commended the virtue of ,samaritan heretics4 ,he has nothing harsh even for the infidel ,sadducee4 ,he complies with the unreasonable wishes of the skeptical ,thomas4 ,he pardons ,peter4 ,he is severe with the ,scribes and ,pharisees only1 who made void the law of righteousness by their traditions1 and took the key of knowledge1 and used it1 not to open1 but to keep shut the door of the kingdom of heaven4 #ac4 ,as a reformer1 ,he went to the root of social and political evils1 and sought the reform of laws1 institutions1 and governments1 by laboring for the instruction and renovation of individuals4 #ad4 ,he was patient as well as disinterested4 ,he was willing to sow1 and let others reap2 to labor1 and let others enjoy the fruits of his labors4 #ae4 ,he formed a ,church1 employing the social instincts and affections of ,his followers as a means of perpetuating and extending ,his beneficent influence in the world4 #af4 ,he checked the impertinence1 and silenced the vanity of captious cavillers4 #ag4 ,he carried the truth into markets and sea-ports1 as well as taught it in the temple and in the synagogues4 #ah4 ,he had the eloquence of silence as well as of speech4 #ai4 ,he could suffer as well as labor4 ,he bore reproach and insolence1 and at last laid down ,his life for mankind4 #bj4 ,he could make allowances even for ,his murderers4 ,when they mocked ,him in ,his dying agonies1 ,he could say1 ,father1 forgive them2 they know not what they do4 ,he excelled as a teacher4 #a4 ,he was very practical2 seeking always to bring men to be merciful1 as their ,father in ,heaven is merciful4 #b4 ,he was very plain2 using the simplest forms of speech1 and the most natural and touching illustrations4 #c4 ,he presented truth and duty in ,his parables in the most impressive forms4 #d4 ,his doctrines about ,god and providence1 about duty and immortality1 about right worship and the proper employment of the ,sabbath2 about true greatness1 and the forgiveness of injuries2 about gentleness and toleration2 about meekness and humility2 about purity and sincerity1 as well as on a great variety of other subjects1 were the perfection of true philosophy4 ,his parable of the talents1 ,his remarks on the widow and her two mites1 and on the woman and the box of ointment1 showing that nothing is required of us beyond our powers and opportunities1 are striking1 instructive1 and impressive in the highest degree4 #e4 ,he made it the duty of all whom ,he taught to instruct others4 ,his words1 freely ye have received1 freely give2 and the sentence1 ,it is more blessed to give than to receive1 are among the divinest oracles ever heard on earth4 #f4 ,he illustrated and enforced all ,his lessons by a consistent example4 ,he practised what ,he taught4 #g4 ,and ,he commanded ,his disciples to do the same4 ,let your light so shine before men1 that they may see your good works1 and glorify your ,father which is in heaven4 #h4 ,there can be nothing juster or kinder than ,his great rule1 ,all things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you1 do ye even so unto them4 #i4 ,his doctrine that ,god will treat men as they treat each other1 is most striking and important4 ,blessed are the merciful1 for they shall obtain mercy4 ,with what judgment ye judge ye shall be judged2 and with what measure ye mete1 it shall be measured to you again4 ,if ye forgive men their trespasses1 your heavenly ,father will forgive you your trespasses2 but if ye forgive not men their trespasses1 neither will your heavenly ,father forgive you your trespasses4 #aj4 ,his remarks on riches and poverty1 on honor and reproach1 on suffering and glory1 though regarded by some with shyness and distrust1 contain a world of important truth4 #aa4 ,his lessons on spiritual or religious freedom1 on self-denial1 on the true mark of discipleship1 on the great judgment1 on the future of ,christianity1 and on the heavenly felicity1 are all remarkable for their wisdom1 and for their purifying and ennobling tendency4 ,but it would require volumes to do ,christ and ,his doctrine justice4 ,and ,i feel as if ,i were wronging the ,saviour to speak of ,his worth and doctrine1 when ,i have neither time nor space duly to set forth their transcendent excellency4 ,every peculiar trait in ,his character that ,i have named1 deserves a treatise to present it in all its importance and glory2 and ,i1 alas1 can give but a sentence or two to each4,a ,but ,christ has our devoutest love and gratitude1 and our profoundest reverence4 ,and the more we contemplate ,him1 the more constrained we feel to regard ,him1 not only as the perfection of all human excellence1 but as the revelation and incarnation of the eternal ,god4 ,and we feel it a great honor and unspeakable privilege to be permitted to bear ,his name1 to belong to ,his party1 and to labor in ,his cause4 ,we are indebted to ,him for everything that gives value to our existence1 and we give ,him1 in return1 with cheerfulness and gladness1 our heart1 our life1 our all4 ,ah1 why did ,i so late ,thee know1 ,thee1 lovelier than the sons of men8 ,ah1 why did ,i no sooner go ,to ,thee1 the only ease in pain8 ,ashamed ,i sigh1 and inly mourn ,that ,i so late to ,thee did turn4 ,a ,since the above was written we have published a book entitled ,,jesus3 ,a ,,portrait4 ,look at it4 ,,concluding ,,remarks4 #a4 ,while the tendency of infidelity is to make men miserable1 it is the tendency of ,christianity to make men happy4 ,when ,i was living at ,burnley1 an infidel came to me one morning and said1 ,barker1 we may say what we will1 but those ,ranters1 7meaning the ,primitive ,methodists7 are the happiest men alive4 ,there is one lives next to me1 and he sings all the day long4 ,he gets up singing and goes to bed singing4 ,they are the happiest men alive4 ,and real ,christians of all denominations are happy4 #b4 ,some time after my return to ,christianity1 ,i spent a few days in the house of a ,primitive ,methodist1 a farmer1 on the ,cheshire ,hills4 ,i seemed in ,paradise4 ,the master and the mistress were cheerful and kind1 and the daughters and girls were almost continually singing delightful ,christian melodies while busy at their work4 ,one moment they were singing of a ,,beautiful ,,stream1 and then of a ,,happy ,,land4 ,one would begin1 ,jesus1 ,lover of my soul--and when that was finished1 another would begin with1 ,when ,i can read my title clear1 to mansions in the skies1--and the singing and the work went on together all the day4 ,it was heaven4 ,and a thousand such facts might be given4 #c4 ,my own experience is in harmony with these facts4 ,my return to ,christ made me happy beyond measure4 ,it brought me enjoyments1 transports1 to which1 for years1 ,i had been an utter stranger4 ,the fact is1 for a long time the worth of my life was well-nigh gone4 ,i lived1 because ,i felt ,i ought to live1 for the sake of those who were dear to me4 ,but for myself1 the light and joy of my life seemed gone for ever4 ,my existence was a long dark struggle with crushing destiny4 ,though naturally hopeful1 ,i was made to feel the bitterness of blank despair4 ,i had moments of relief1 but ,i had weeks of gloom and despondency4 ,now all is changed4 ,i have moments of sadness and depression2 but weeks and months of joy and gladness4 ,i see the universe in an entirely different light4 ,and instead of murmuring at ,nature as cruel1 ,i adore a gracious and merciful ,god4 ,of my errors and misdoings ,i must always feel ashamed1 and a consciousness of them must for ever tend to make me sad at times2 yet notwithstanding all drawbacks1 ,i have enjoyed more satisfaction1 more real happiness1 a hundred times over1 during the last twelve months1 than ,i enjoyed during the whole period of my alienation from ,god4 ,the simple-hearted ,christian knows what he says1 when he tells you ,there's something in religion4 ,it has a power and a blessedness altogether different from anything else under heaven4 ,knowledge is sweet1 and love is sweet1 and power and victory are sweet2 but religion--the religion of ,christ--is sweeter1 infinitely sweeter than all4 ,it is the life and blessedness of the soul4 ,it is its greatness1 its strength1 its glory3 its joy1 its paradise1 its heaven4 #d4 ,if the churches abound with defects1 the cause is in humanity1 and not in ,christianity4 ,men are not imperfect because they are ,christians1 but because they are not ,christian enough4 ,the worst men are the farthest from ,christianity1 and the best are nearest to it4 ,and the worst creeds are the least ,christian1 and the best are the most ,christian4 ,and ,christianity is better than the best4 ,there is not a virtue on earth1 nor a truth in the universe1 which does not form a part1 or a consistent and fitting appendage1 of the ,christian system4 ,the best1 the wisest1 the noblest man on earth is no better1 no wiser1 no nobler1 than the teachings of ,jesus tend to make the whole human race4 #e4 ,the influence which ,jesus exerted on the world1 and the influence which ,he is still exerting1 is the mightiest and most beneficent ever experienced by mankind2 and the monument which ,he has raised for ,himself1 the ,christian ,church1 with all its institutions1 its literatures1 its agencies and achievements is1 beyond all comparison1 the grandest1 the noblest1 and in all respects the most magnificent and glorious that the history of the world can boast4 ,he has indeed gained for ,himself a name above every name2 a glory and a power which have no equal and no resemblance2 and ,his followers may well adore ,him as the brightness of the ,father's glory1 and the express image of ,his love and majesty4 #f4 ,and what can we do better than chime in with the anthem of ,his worshippers8 ,what can we do better than teach ,his beneficent doctrines1 and follow ,his glorious example8 ,talk as we will1 the noblest and the happiest life a man can live is a life of ,christian love and beneficence4 ,and the best association on earth is that which is organized on the principle of love to ,christ1 pledged to the self-sacrificing labors of a wise philanthropy1 the work of serving and blessing mankind4 #g4 ,a belief in ,christ gives one a power to do good to mankind which no skeptic can have4 ,it kindles love1 and stimulates to activity1 as nothing else does4 ,and it inspires courage1 and produces patience1 and gives comfort under persecution4 ,and it lays on us no unnecessary restraints4 ,it leaves us free to every good word and to every good work4 ,and it is friendly to science and to unlimited progress4 ,it offers a bond of union for all great minds1 and for all good hearts4 ,it increases our power to reform both churches and states1 without urging us to wild and revolutionary measures1 which might imperil the interests of both4 ,to accept this religion1 to avow this faith1 involves nothing of which we need be ashamed1 but everything in which we may reasonably glory4 ,we escape alike the follies of theological dreamers1 and the gloom and horrors of infidel philosophy4 ,we live amidst the soft mild glories of eternal light2 we cheer ourselves with the richest and most glorious hopes1 and we spend our lives in the grandest contemplations and the noblest occupations the heart of man can conceive4 #h4 ,the vainest of all vain things1 the most unseemly and revolting of all forms of pride1 is the pride of disbelief in ,god and immortality4 ,and the maddest if not the wickedest of all occupations1 is to labor to destroy the faith and blight the hopes of others4 ,what good1 humane1 or merciful motive can a man have to impel him to such a horrible undertaking8 #i4 ,how soothing the thought that your sufferings are marked by a loving ,god1 and will be overruled for your good6 ,and how cheering the thought1 when life is in danger1 or drawing to a close1 that death is the gate of a higher life6 ,and how comforting the thought1 when your loved ones are leaving you1 that they are going before you to a happier home1 and that by-and-by you will see their faces1 hear their voices1 and share their presence and society again6 ,and what a relief1 when visiting the sick1 the sorrowing1 or the dying1 to be able to speak to them of an infinite ,father1 of another life1 and of brighter scenes1 and of a happier lot1 in a better land6 #aj4 ,we have spent time enough among the dead4 ,and you can see with your own eyes which are the living1 loving1 and laboring portions of the ,church4 ,you can see which portions build the most schools1 teach the most children1 reclaim the most drunkards and profligates1 and do most to develop and cultivate the religious and moral sentiments of the masses4 ,and one of the lessons we always pressed on you was1 to judge a tree by its fruits4 ,we do not intend to swerve from our plan of avoiding sectarian and theological controversy2 but we may ask you to compare the amount of good religious work done by the ,methodists in fifty years1 with the good done by the so-called liberal ,christians1 and to draw your own conclusion4 ,the ,primitive ,methodists alone1 with the smallest amount of means1 have done incalculably more good in fifty years1 than the ,unitarians1 with unlimited supplies of wealth1 and all the advantages of learning and position1 have done in a hundred and fifty years4 ,we have cast in our lot with the living1 working portion of the ,church4 ,it is our home4 ,we had rather be a doorkeeper of the humblest living1 hard-working church in the land1 than dwell with the spiritually dead and cold in the palaces of princes4 ,we will help the men that are doing the hard and needful work of humanity4 ,if you can see such men as the ,primitive ,methodists and the orthodox ,churches generally1 working as they do work1 and succeeding as they do succeed1 and not respect them and love them1 and take part in helping them1 you have not the heart of tenderness and the spirit of ,christian manliness for which we have given you credit4 #aa4 ,the influence of ,christianity cannot be otherwise than beneficial2 nor is it possible that ,christianity should become the ruling power on earth without greatly abating1 if not entirely curing the evils of humanity1 and making mankind as happy as their nature and capacities admit4 ,imagine ,christianity to be received and reduced to practice by all the people on earth1 what would be the result8 ,disease would gradually diminish4 ,nine-tenths of it would quickly disappear2 and life would be both happier and much longer4 ,along with disease would go want1 and the fear of want4 ,all would be well fed1 well clad1 well housed1 and well supplied with all the necessaries and comforts of life4 ,the world is stored with abundance of natural wealth4 ,the surface of the earth is vast enough1 and its soil is rich enough1 to supply homes and plenty to all its inhabitants1 if they were fifty times as numerous as they are4 ,three or four hours a day would be the utmost length of time that men would need to labor4 ,the cessation of war would set the soldiers free for productive employment4 ,the peaceful disposition of the people at home would allow the police forces to devote themselves to useful labor4 ,the idle classes would set to work1 and the wasteful classes would become economical4 ,a limit would be fixed to the extravagances of fashion4 ,things comely and useful would satisfy the desires of both men and women4 ,the powers of nature would be pressed more generally into our service1 and compelled to do our drudgery both in the mine and on the farm4 ,a sense of justice would dispose men to be content with their share of the blessings of ,providence1 and ,christian generosity would prompt the rich to supply the wants of the helpless4 ,the dangers of useful toil would be diminished4 ,the catalogue of mournful accidents in flood and field1 in mines and factories1 would be abridged4 ,oppression would cease4 ,the wisest and best would be our legislators and rulers4 ,patriots1 philanthropists1 and philosophers would take the place of selfish politicians4 ,political trickery would give place to honorable statesmanship4 ,all cruel forms of servitude would cease4 ,all wicked laws would be abolished4 ,all needless burdens would be removed from the backs of the people4 ,all would be well taught4 ,all dreams of impossible equality1 and all thoughts of violent and bloody revolutions1 would pass away4 ,vice and crime would disappear1 with all the tortures both of mind and body which they occasion4 ,commerce would flourish4 ,all nations would freely and lovingly exchange their surplus products4 ,all classes would deal with each other honorably4 ,each one would do to others as he would that others should do to him4 ,no one would suffer from fraud1 or from the fear of fraud4 ,trade would be a mutual exchange of benefits4 ,business would be a pleasant pastime1 gainful to all1 and ruinous to none4 ,marriage would be universal1 and would prove in every case a comfort and a blessing4 ,the family circle would be the abode of love1 and peace1 and joy4 ,each home would be a little heaven4 ,children would be wisely trained and carefully nurtured in knowledge and piety4 ,the virtues and the graces would adorn their lives from youth to age4 ,all talent and skill1 the powers of eloquence and of poetry1 the influences of music and of song1 and all the powers of art would serve the cause of truth and virtue1 of religion and humanity4 ,superstition would die4 ,unnatural conceptions of ,god1 and cruel1 wasteful1 and useless forms of worship1 would give place to faith in a ,god of light and love1 of wisdom and of purity1 and to a spiritual1 rational1 and rapturous kind of devotion4 ,all ignorant dread of natural phenomena would give place to joyous and loving admiration1 and to devoutest adoration1 of the great eternal ,ruler of the world4 ,if calamities came they would be accepted as divine appointments1 as needful means of everlasting good4 ,death would lose its terrors4 ,belief in a blessed immortality would enable us to pass from earth in peace and joy4 ,bereavements would be less distressing4 ,the departure of our friends would be but a transition to a better state of being4 ,the world itself would change4 ,its beauties would become more beautiful2 its glories would become more glorious1 and all its joys and pleasures would be more transporting4 ,the eye1 the ear1 the taste1 the smell would all become the inlets of more and richer enjoyments4 ,science and literature in their divinest forms would become the common lot of our race4 ,the glory of ,god's character and the brightness of the eternal future1 would shed unwonted radiance over the present life1 and make it rapturous1 glorious1 and divine4 ,the religion of ,christ1 while raising men to heaven1 would bring down heaven to earth4 ,on the other hand1 the want of trust in ,god and of a hope of immortality tends to darken earth1 and to embitter life4 ,when men are severed from ,god and ,christ1 they suffer loss both in character and enjoyment4 ,we can speak from experience4 ,we never ruined our health by vicious indulgence4 ,we never became the slave of intemperance or licentiousness4 ,we never dishonored our family1 or lost the love and confidence of our wife and children4 ,but we lost our trust in ,god1 and our hope of immortality4 ,and the heavens above grew dark1 and the earth became a desolation4 ,life lost its value1 and sorrow its consolation2 and many and many a time we wished that we had never been born4 ,for hours have we trod the earth with heavy heart and downcast eyes1 groaning beneath a weight of sadness indescribable4 ,loss of faith in ,christ1 even with men of a naturally cheerful and hopeful spirit1 renders life a burden too heavy to be borne4 ,hence for years before we fully regained our own faith in ,christianity1 we encouraged others to cherish theirs4 ,an infidel once said1 that the ,christian's hope1 if false1 was worth all this world's best truths2 and we felt the truth of the remark1 and shrank from attempts to take from men the inestimable treasure4 ,and now we would rather die than shake or undermine the faith of any ,christian soul on earth4 ,to the work of cherishing a belief in ,christ in our own heart1 and nurturing it in the hearts of others1 we consecrate our life1 our all4 ,we would rather live on a crust1 in a mud hut1 with faith in ,god and ,christ1 than feast on all the dainties of the earth1 in the palace of a king1 with the hopelessness and gloom of the ,atheist4 ,we have no disposition to exaggerate2 but we are constrained to say1 that if all the wisdom and all the virtue on earth had dwelt in one man1 and if that one man had presented a revelation of ,god with a view to supply the strongest1 the mightiest1 the most touching1 the most tender1 the most varied1 and the most irresistible inducements to renounce all selfishness and sin1 and to live a pure and godly1 a holy and a useful1 a divine and glorious life1 that revelation could have assumed no better1 no more perfect or effective form1 than that which is presented in the revelation of ,god by ,jesus ,christ4 ,we feel1 while we contemplate it1 that it can have no fitter or truer name than that bestowed on it by the ,apostles1 ',the power of ,god to salvation to every one that believeth4' ,and we are reminded of the words1 ',we all1 with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the ,lord1 are changed into the same image from glory to glory1 as by the ,spirit of the ,lord4' ,of course the destruction of this belief can operate no otherwise than as an encouragement to evil1 and a discouragement to good4 ,the loss of ,christian belief in ,god can be to the virtues and the graces of the heart and life1 but as a blight to plants and flowers4 ,the ,christian belief makes it summer to the soul1 giving birth1 and power1 and full development to all that is godlike and glorious in human character4 ,the loss of that belief is winter to the soul2 killing with its frosts each form of life and beauty1 and making all a waste and desolation4 ,there have been three great disbelievers in ,god in our own country during the present century1 all of whom have written books denouncing marriage1 and counselling unbounded sensual license4 ,if their counsels were generally taken1 the result would be a state of society as horrible as that portrayed in the beginning of ,paul's ,epistle to the ,romans1 and a return to faith in ,god alone could save the race of man from utter extinction4 ,but we will not dwell on this dreadful side of the subject4 ,we know the effects of the light and warmth of the sun2 and we may safely be left to infer the horror1 the misery1 the world-wide ruin1 and the utter dreariness and desolation that would follow if the orb of day were extinguished1 or for ever and utterly withdrawn4 ,religion is the sun of the spiritual world2 it is its light and life1 its joy and blessedness2 and its extinction would be the death and destruction of our race4 ,while belief in ,god is favorable to virtue generally1 it tends also to produce displays of superior excellence2 of unusual courage1 perseverance1 and endurance4 ,the believer in ,god may brave the most appalling dangers4 ,his feeling is1 that he who is for him is greater than all that can be against him4 ,it is no vain boast in him to say1 ',i fear ,god1 and know no other fear4' ,it is natural that he should say1 when threatened by mistaken or malignant men1 ',you may kill me1 but you cannot hurt me4' ,the ,christian believer can afford to be a martyr4 ,when excited by ungodly or inhuman opposition1 he naturally displays the martyr's courage4 ,he can bear too to suffer disrepute4 ,he can trust his reputation to his omniscient and almighty ,friend4 ,he can bear to look with patience both on the adversity of the good1 and the prosperity of the bad4 ,he knows the fate1--he sees the end1--of both4 ,the ,judge of all the earth will do right4 ,he knows no evil but sin4 ,he knows no security but righteousness4 ,and ,christian faith is a fountain of all conceivable comfort4 ,it is a comfort to feel secure4 ,it is a comfort to feel strong4 ,it is a comfort to feel assured that we are beloved of ,god4 ,it is a comfort to feel that we love ,him in return4 ,it is a comfort to believe that the universe has a ,head1 a ,lord1 a ,ruler4 ,it is a comfort to believe that we are not orphans1 fatherless inhabitants of a ,godless world4 ,there is pleasure in admiration and reverence4 ,there is pleasure in feelings of gratitude4 ,there is a pleasure in tracing the wonders and beauties of creation to a living1 loving ,creator4 ,it adds to the pleasure of science to believe1 that behind the wonderful phenomena which we behold1 there is a ,great ,unseen from whose all-loving heart they all proceed4 ,it is a pleasure to believe that our ways are ordered by infinite wisdom4 ,it is a pleasure to believe that our sorrows are known to an almighty sympathizing ,friend4 ,it is a pleasure to believe that our kindred and friends have a helper greater than ourselves4 ,it is a pleasure to believe that our lot is appointed by an infinite ,father2 that we shall not be permitted to be tried beyond our strength2 that in every temptation1 a way will be made for our escape2 that nothing can harm us1 however painful2 that nothing can destroy us1 however terrible2 that all things work together for our good4 ,in short1 there is no end to the strength which a ,christian belief in ,god is calculated to give to our virtue1 or to the consolation which it is calculated to impart to our souls4 ,but what can be sadder than to be without ,god1 and without hope1 in a world like this8 ,with all our science how little we know6 ,how terrible the thought that we have no unerring guide6 ,with all our powers how feeble we are6 ,how terrible the thought that we have no almighty friend6 ,and vast and numberless as are the provisions that are made for our happiness1 how often we are thwarted1 how prone we are1 even in the midst of plenty1 to be dissatisfied2 and how soon we may perish6 ,and how sad the thought that there is no restorer6 ,is it strange that1 when faith in ,god is lost1 the value of life is felt to be gone8 ,we have no harsh word for the doubter or the disbeliever1 but we raise our warning voice against the dangers which beset the way of youth1 and counsel all to consider well their steps4 ',there are ways which at times seem right unto men1 but the end thereof is death4' ',the fear of the ,lord is the beginning of wisdom1 and to depart from evil is understanding4' ,science has advanced2 arts have multiplied2 governments have changed2 and many are tempted to believe that the principles of religion and virtue are exploded4 ,but woe to the man that yields to the temptation4 ,his days shall be darkened with grief2 and his heart distracted with horror4 ,but peace and purity and joy shall be the lot of the faithful ,christian4 ,the light of life shall shine upon his path4 ,the wisdom of the ,holy ,one shall be his guide2 and1 living and dying1 he shall be secure4 #ab4 ,the ,christian has the highest1 the happiest employment4 ,he works in the spirit of eternal love4 ,he works for the highest and the holiest ends4 ,and he works in hope4 ,he sees the harvest in the ploughing of the field1 the coming crop in the scattered seed4 ,the result of his labors may come slowly1 but he can afford to wait4 ,the ,lord reigneth2 and the plans of ,his eternal love can never fail4 ,and all things rich and beautiful are his4 ,the earth and its fulness are his4 ,the heavens and their glories are his4 ,all sights of beauty1 all sounds of melody1 all emotions of wonder1 all transports of delight are his4 ,there are no forms1 no elements of bliss from which he is excluded4 ,all the innocent pleasures of sense1 all that can delight the soul through the eye1 the ear1 the taste1 or the feelings2 all that is rich in art2 all that is rapturous in song2 all the pleasures of science and literature1 all are his4 ,and all earth's blessings1 all pure and harmless pleasures1 he can enjoy more truly and more fully than other men4 ,while his faith in ,god gives greater beauty and glory to the universe1 his hope of immortality gives greater sweetness to his earthly life4 ,the brightness of the eternal world throws a celestial radiance over the present1 and gives to earth a portion of the blessedness of heaven4 ,a ,,few ,,testimonies ,,of ,,great ,,men ,,in ,,favor ,,of ,,christianity4 ,we live in the midst of blessings1 till we are utterly insensible of their greatness1 and of the source from which they flow4 ,we speak of our civilization1 our arts1 our freedom1 our laws1 and forget entirely how large a share of all is due to ,christianity4--,coleridge4 ,there never was found in any age of the world1 either philosopher or sect1 or law or discipline1 which did so highly exalt the public good as the ,christian faith4--,bacon4 ,as the man of pleasure1 by a vain attempt to be more happy than any man can be1 is often more miserable than most men are2 so the skeptic1 in a vain attempt to be wise beyond what is permitted to man1 plunges into a darkness more deplorable than that of the common herd4--,colton4 ,since the introduction of ,christianity1 human nature has made great progress2 but it has not got in advance of ,christianity4 ,men have outgrown other institutions and systems1 but they may grow for ever and not outgrow ,christianity4--,channing4 ,i have lived long enough to know what ,i did not at one time believe--that no society can be upheld in happiness and honor without the sentiment of religion4--,la ,place4 ,it is heaven on earth to have one's mind to move in charity1 to rest on ,providence1 and follow truth4--,bacon4 ,of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity1 religion and morality are most essential4 ,in vain would that man claim the tribute of patriotism1 who should labor to destroy those great pillars of human happiness2 these firmest props of virtue4 ,and let us not suppose that morality can be maintained without religion4 ,whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure1 reason and experience both forbid us to expect national morality to prevail in the absence of religious principle4--,washington4 ,i have carefully and regularly perused these ,holy ,scriptures1 and am of opinion1 that the volume1 independently of its divine origin1 contains more sublimity1 purer morality1 more important history1 and finer strains of eloquence1 than can be collected from all other books1 in whatever language they may have been written4--,sir ,william ,jones4