file which includes the original illustrations4 ,see #agfji-;h4htm or #agfji-;h4zip3 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/dirs_/#a_/ g_/f_/j_/agfji_/agfji-;h_/#agfji-;h4htm7 or 7https3_/_/www4gutenberg4org_/dirs_/#a_/ g_/f_/j_/agfji_/agfji-;h4zip7 ,,our ,,deportment ,or the ,manners1 ,conduct and ,dress of the ,most ,refined ,society2 ,,including ,forms for ,letters1 ,invitations1 ,etc41 ,etc4 ,also1 ,valuable ,suggestions on ,home ,culture and ,training4 ,compiled from the ,latest ,reliable ,authorities1 by ,,john ,h4 ,,young1 ,a4,m4 ,revised and ,illustrated4 ,illustration ,f4 ,b4 ,dickerson ,co41 ,detroit1 ,mich4 ,st4 ,louis1 ,mo4 ,pennsylvania ,publishing ,co41 ,harrisburgh1 ,pa4 ,union ,publishing ,house1 ,chicago1 ,ill4 #ahha4 ,illustration ,to go through this life with good manners possessed1 ,is to be kind unto all1 rich1 poor and oppressed1 ,for kindness and mercy are balms that will heal ,the sorrows1 the pains1 and the woes that we feel4 ,illustration ,copyrighted by ,freeman ,b4 ,dickerson1 #ahgi and #ahha4 ,illustration ,preface4 ,no one subject is of more importance to people generally than a knowledge of the rules1 usages and ceremonies of good society1 which are commonly expressed by the word ,etiquette4 ,its necessity is felt wherever men and women associate together1 whether in the city1 village1 or country town1 at home or abroad4 ,to acquire a thorough knowledge of these matters1 and to put that knowledge into practice with perfect ease and self-complacency1 is what people call good breeding4 ,to display an ignorance of them1 is to subject the offender to the opprobrium of being ill-bred4 ,in the compilation of this work1 the object has been to present the usages and rules which govern the most refined ,american society1 and to impart that information which will enable any one1 in whatever circumstances of life to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman1 or the gentle manners and graceful deportment of a well-bred lady1 whose presence will be sought for1 and who1 by their graceful deportment will learn the art of being at home in any good society4 ,the work is so arranged1 that every subject is conveniently classified and subdivided2 it is thus an easy matter to refer at once to any given subject4 ,it has been the aim of the compiler to give minutely all points that are properly embraced in a work on etiquette1 even upon matters of seemingly trivial importance4 ,upon some hitherto disputed points1 those rules are given1 which are sustained by the best authorities and endorsed by good sense4 ,as the work is not the authorship of any one individual1 and as no individual1 whatever may be his acquirements1 could have the presumption to dictate rules for the conduct of society in general1 it is therefore only claimed that it is a careful compilation from all the best and latest authorities upon the subject of etiquette and kindred matters1 while such additional material has been embraced within its pages1 as1 it is hoped1 will be found of benefit and interest to every ,american household4 ,j4,h4,y4 ,illustration ,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,page4 ,,introductory #ac ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,manners4 ,good manners as an element of worldly success--,manner an index of character--,the true gentleman--,the true lady--,importance of trifles--,value of pleasing manners--,personal appearance enhanced and fortunes made by pleasing manners--,politeness the outgrowth of good manners #bj ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,introductions4 ,acquaintances thus formed--,promiscuous1 informal and casual introductions--,introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a gentleman--,introduction at a ball--,the manner of introduction--,introducing relatives--,obligatory introductions--,salutations after introduction--,introducing one's self--,letters of introduction--,how they are to be delivered--,duty of a person to whom a letter of introduction is addressed--,letters of introduction for business purposes #ca ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,salutations4 ,the salutation originally an act of worship--,its form in different nations--,the bow1 its proper mode--,words of salutation--,manner of bowing--,duties of the young to older people--,how to avoid recognition--,etiquette of handshaking--,kissing as a mode of salutation--,the kiss of friendship--,the kiss of respect #db ,,chapter ,v4 ,,etiquette ,,on ,,calls4 ,morning calls--,evening calls--,rules for formal calls--,calls at ,summer resorts--,reception days--,calls made by cards--,returning the first call--,calls after a betrothal takes place--,forming new acquaintance by calls--,the first call1 by whom to be made--,calls of ,congratulation--,visits of condolence--,keeping an account of calls--,evening visits--,engaged or not at home to callers--,general rules relative to calls--,new ,year's calls #eb ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,etiquette ,,on ,,visiting4 ,general invitations not to be accepted--,the limit of a prolonged visit--,duties of a visitor--,duties of the host or hostess--,true hospitality--,leave-taking--,invitations to guests--,forbearance with children--,guests making presents--,treatment of a host's friends #fi ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,cards4 ,visiting and calling cards--,their size and style--,wedding cards--,leaving cards in calling--,cards for mother and daughter--,cards not to be sent in envelopes to return formal calls--,glazed cards not in fashion--,p4,p4,c4 cards--,cards of congratulation--,when sent--,leave cards in making first calls of the season and after invitations--,mourning cards--,christmas and ,easter cards--,cards of condolence--,bridegroom's card4 #ge ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,conversation4 ,character revealed by conversation--,importance of conversing well--,children should be trained to talk well--,cultivation of the memory--,importance of remembering names--,how ,henry ,clay acquired this habit--,listening--,writing down one's thoughts--,requisites for a good talker--,vulgarisms--,flippancy--,sympat hizing with another--,bestowing compliments--,slang--,flattery--,scandal and gossip--,satire and ridicule--,religion and politics to be avoided--,bestowing of titles--,interrupting another while talking--,adaptability in conversation--,correct use of words--,speaking one's mind--,profanity --,display of knowledge--,double entendres--,impertinent questions --,things to be avoided in conversation--,hobbies--,fault-finding --,disputes #hd ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,dinner ,,parties4 ,dinners are entertainments for married people--,whom to invite--,forms of invitations--,punctuality required--,the success of a dinner party--,table appointments--,proper size of a dinner party--,arrangement of guests at table--,serving dinner a la ,russe--,duties of servants--,serving the dishes--,general rules regarding dinner--,waiting on others--,monopolizing conversation--,duties of hostess and host--,retiring from the table--,calls required after a dinner party--,returning hospitalities--,expensive dinners not the most enjoyable--,wines at dinners #ajf ,,chapter ,x4 ,,table ,,etiquette4 ,importance of acquiring good habits at the table--,table appointments for breakfast1 luncheon and dinner--,use of the knife and fork--,of the napkin--,avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness--,general rules on the subject #abc ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,receptions1 ,,parties ,,and ,,balls4 ,morning receptions--,the dress and refreshments for them--,invitations--,musical matinees--,parties in the country--,five o'clock teas and kettle-drums--,requisites for a successful ball--,introductions at a ball--,receiving guests--,the number to invite--,duties of the guests--,general rules to be observed at balls--,some suggestions for gentlemen--,duties of an escort--,preparations for a ball--,the supper--,an after-call required #abi ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,street ,,etiquette4 ,the street manners of a lady--,forming street acquaintances--,recognizing friends in the street--,saluting a lady--,passing through a crowd--,the first to bow--,do not lack politeness--,how a lady and gentleman should walk together--,when to offer the lady the arm--,going up and down stairs--,smoking in the streets--,carrying packages--,meeting a lady acquaintance--,corner loafers--,shouting in the street--,shopping etiquette--,for public conveyances--,cutting acquaintances--,general suggestions #ade ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,public ,,places4 ,conduct in church--,invitations to opera1 theatres and concerts--,conduct in public assemblages--,remain until the performance closes--,conduct in picture galleries--,behavior at charity fairs--,conduct at an artist's studio #aeg ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,traveling ,,etiquette4 ,courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone--,duties of an escort--,duties of a lady to her escort--,ladies should assist other ladies traveling alone--,the seats to be occupied in a railway car--,discretion to be used in forming acquaintances in traveling #afg ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,riding ,,and ,,driving4 ,learning to ride on horseback--,the gentleman's duty as an escort in riding--,how to assist a lady to mount--,riding with ladies--,assisting a lady to alight from a horse--,driving--,the seat of honor in a carriage--,trusting the driver #agd ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,courtship4 ,proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies toward each other--,premature declaration of love--,love at first sight--,proper manner of courtship--,parents should exercise authority over daughters--,an acceptable suitor--,requirements for a happy marriage--,proposals of marriage--,a gentleman should not press an unwelcome suit--,a lady's refusal--,a doubtful answer--,unladylike conduct toward a suitor--,the rejected suitor--,asking consent of parents--,presents after engagement--,conduct and relations of the engaged couple--,lovers' quarrels--,breaking an engagement #agi ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,wedding ,,etiquette4 ,choice of bridemaids and groomsmen or ushers--,the bridal costume ,costumes of bridegroom and ushers--,presents of the bride and bridegroom--,ceremonials at church when there are no bridemaids or ushers--,invitations to the ceremony alone--,the latest ceremonials--,weddings at home--,the evening wedding--,at home receptions--,calls--,the wedding ring--,marriage ceremonials of a widow--,form of invitations to a reception--,duties of invited guests--,of bridemaids and ushers--,bridal presents--,master of ceremonies--,wedding fees--,congratulations--,the bridal tour #aid ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,home ,,life ,,and ,,etiquette4 ,home the woman's kingdom--,home companionship--,conduct of husband and wife--,duties of the wife to her husband--,the wife a helpmate--,the husband's duties #bjh ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,home ,,training4 ,first lessons learned at home--,parents should set good examples to their children--,courtesies in the home circle--,early moral training of children--,the formation of their habits--,politeness at home--,train children for some occupation--,bad temper--,selfishness--,home maxims #baf ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,home ,,culture4 ,cultivate moral courage--,the pernicious influence of indolence--,self-respect--,result of good breeding at home--,fault-finding and grumbling--,family jars not to be made public--,conflicting interests--,religious education--,obedience--,influence of example--,the influence of books #bbe ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,woman',s ,,higher ,,education4 ,its importance--,train young women to some occupation--,education of girls too superficial--,an education appropriate to each sex--,knowledge of the laws of health needed by women--,idleness the source of all misery--,a spirit of independence--,health and life dependent upon a higher culture--,cultivation of the moral sense #bcc ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,the ,,letter ,,writer4 ,letter writing is an indication of good breeding--,requirements for correct writing--,anonymous letters--,note paper to be used--,forms of letters and notes--,forms of addressing notes and letters--,forms of signature--,letters of introduction--,when to be given--,notes of invitation and replies thereto--,acceptances and regrets--,formal invitations must be answered--,letters of friendship--,love letters--,business letters and correspondence--,form of letter requesting employment--,regarding the character of a servant--,forms for notes1 drafts1 bills and receipts #bdb ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,general ,,rules ,,to ,,govern ,,conduct4 ,attention to the young in society--,gracefulness of carriage--,attitude1 coughing1 sneezing1 etc4--,anecdotes1 puns1 etc4--,a sweet and pure breath--,smoking--,a good listener--,give precedence to others--,be moderate in speaking--,singing and playing in society--,receiving and making presents--,governing our moods--,a lady driving with a gentleman--,an invitation cannot be recalled--,avoid talking of personalities--,shun gossip and tale bearing--,removing the hat--,intruding on privacy--,politeness --,adapting yourself to others--,contradicting--,a woman's good name --,expressing unfavorable opinions--,vulgarities--,miscellaneous rules governing conduct--,washington's maxims #bff ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,anniversary ,,weddings4 ,how and when they are celebrated--,the paper1 cotton and leather weddings--,the wooden wedding--,the tin wedding--,the crystal wedding--,the silver wedding--,the golden wedding--,the diamond wedding--,presents at anniversary weddings--,forms of invitations1 etc4 #bhe ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,,births ,,and ,,christenings4 ,naming the child--,the christening--,godparents or sponsors--,presents from godparents--,the ceremony--,the breakfast--,christening gifts--,the hero of the day--,fees #bia ,,chapter ,,xxvi ,,funerals4 ,death notices and funeral invitations--,arrangement for the funeral--,the house of mourning--,conducting the funeral services--,the pall-bearers --,order of the procession--,floral and other decorations--,calls upon the bereaved family--,seclusion of the family #bif ,,chapter ,,xxvii4 ,,etiquette ,,at ,,washington4 ,social duties required of the ,president and his family--,receptions at the ,white ,house--,order of official rank--,duties required of members of the cabinet and their families--,how to address officials--,the first to visit #cjc ,,chapter ,,xxviii4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,foreign ,,courts4 ,foreign titles--,royalty--,the nobility--,the gentry--,esquires--,imperial rank--,european titles--,presentation at the court of ,st4 ,james--,those eligible and ineligible for presentation--,preliminaries--,presentat ion costumes #cjh ,,chapter ,,xxix4 ,,business4 ,the example of a merchant prince--,keep your temper--,honesty the best policy--,form good habits--,breaking an appointment--,prompt payment of bills1 notes and drafts--,general suggestions #cae ,,chapter ,,xxx4 ,,dress4 ,requirements for dressing well--,perils of the love of dress to weak minds--,consistency in dress--,extravagance--,indifference to dress--,appropriate dress--,the wearing of gloves--,evening or full dress for gentlemen--,morning dress for gentlemen--,evening or full dress for ladies--,ball dresses--,the full dinner dress--,for receiving and making morning calls--,morning dress for street--,carriage dress--,promenade dress and walking suit--,opera dress--,the riding dress--,for women of business--,ordinary evening dress--,for a social party--,dress for the theater1 lecture and concert--,archery1 croquet and skating costumes--,bathing dress--,for traveling--,the bridal costume--,dress of bridemaids--,at wedding receptions--,mourning dress--,how long mourning should be worn #cbj ,,chapter ,,xxxi4 ,,colors ,,and ,,their ,,harmony ,,in ,,dress4 ,the proper arrangement of colors--,the colors adapted to different persons--,material for dress--,size in relation to color and dress--,a list of colors that harmonize #cda ,,chapter ,,xxxii4 ,,the ,,toilet4 ,importance of neatness and cleanliness--,perfumes--,the bath--,the teeth and their care--,the skin--,the eyes1 eyelashes and brows--,the hair and beard--,the hands and feet #cea ,,chapter ,,xxxiii4 ,,toilet ,,recipes4 ,to remove freckles1 pimples and sunburn--,to beautify the complexion--,to prevent the hair falling out--,pomades and hair oils--,sea foam or dry shampoo--,to prevent the hair turning gray--,to soften the skin--,to cleanse the teeth--,remedy for chapped hands--,for corns and chilblains1 etc4 #cgb ,,chapter ,,xxxiv4 ,,sports1 ,,games ,,and ,,amusements4 ,archery and its practice--,lawn ,tennis--,boating--,picnics--,private ,theatricals--,card playing #cih ,,chapter ,,xxxv4 ,,language ,,of ,,flowers1 #daj ,,chapter ,,xxxvi4 ,,precious ,,stones1 #dbc ,,chapter ,i4 ,introductory4 ,ingenious ,art with her expressive face1 ,steps forth to fashion and refine the race4--,,cowper4 ,a knowledge of etiquette has been defined to be a knowledge of the rules of society at its best4 ,these rules have been the outgrowth of centuries of civilization1 had their foundation in friendship and love of man for his fellow man--the vital principles of ,christianity--and are most powerful agents for promoting peace1 harmony and good will among all people who are enjoying the blessings of more advanced civilized government4 ,in all civilized countries the influence of the best society is of great importance to the welfare and prosperity of the nation1 but in no country is the good influence of the most refined society more powerfully felt than in our own1 the land of the future1 where mankind may plant1 essay1 and resolve all social problems4 ,these rules make social intercourse more agreeable1 and facilitate hospitalities1 when all members of society hold them as binding rules and faithfully regard their observance4 ,they are to society what our laws are to the people as a political body1 and to disregard them will give rise to constant misunderstandings1 engender ill-will1 and beget bad morals and bad manners4 ,says an eminent ,english writer3 ,on manners1 refinement1 rules of good breeding1 and even the forms of etiquette1 we are forever talking1 judging our neighbors severely by the breach of traditionary and unwritten laws1 and choosing our society and even our friends by the touchstone of courtesy4 ,the ,marchioness de ,lambert expressed opinions which will be endorsed by the best bred people everywhere when she wrote to her son3 ,nothing is more shameful than a voluntary rudeness4 ,men have found it necessary as well as agreeable to unite for the common good2 they have made laws to restrain the wicked2 they have agreed among themselves as to the duties of society1 and have annexed an honorable character to the practice of those duties4 ,he is the honest man who observes them with the most exactness1 and the instances of them multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a person's honor4 ,originally a gentleman was defined to be one who1 without any title of nobility1 wore a coat of arms4 ,and the descendants of many of the early colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the mother country4 ,although despising titles and ignoring the rights of kings1 they still clung to the grand old name of gentleman4 ,but race is no longer the only requisite for a gentleman1 nor will race united with learning and wealth make a man a gentleman1 unless there are present the kind and gentle qualities of the heart1 which find expression in the principles of the ,golden ,rule4 ,nor will race1 education and wealth combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement and consideration of the feelings of others4 ,good manners are only acquired by education and observation1 followed up by habitual practice at home and in society1 and good manners reveal to us the lady and the gentleman4 ,he who does not possess them1 though he bear the highest title of nobility1 cannot expect to be called a gentleman2 nor can a woman1 without good manners1 aspire to be considered a lady by ladies4 ,manners and morals are indissolubly allied1 and no society can be good where they are bad4 ,it is the duty of ,american women to exercise their influence to form so high a standard of morals and manners that the tendency of society will be continually upwards1 seeking to make it the best society of any nation4 ,as culture is the first requirement of good society1 so self-improvement should be the aim of each and all of its members4 ,manners will improve with the cultivation of the mind1 until the pleasure and harmony of social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of discordant elements1 and they only will be excluded from the best society whose lack of education and whose rude manners will totally unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation4 ,good manners are even more essential to harmony in society than a good education1 and may be considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form4 ,the principles of the ,golden ,rule1 whatsoever ye would that men should do to you1 do ye even so to them1 is the basis of all true politeness--principles which teach us to forget ourselves1 to be kind to our neighbors1 and to be civil even to our enemies4 ,the appearance of so being and doing is what society demands as good manners1 and the man or woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well-bred4 ,the people1 thus trained1 are easy to get along with1 for they are as quick to make an apology when they have been at fault1 as they are to accept one when it is made4 ,the noble-hearted only understand the noble-hearted4 ,in a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtfulness of ignorance1 or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding1 the iron rule1 ,do unto others1 as they do unto you1 is more often put into practice than the golden one4 ,the savages know nothing of the virtues of forgiveness1 and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in spirit2 so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended to promote the general interests of society1 and to carry out the injunction of the ,scriptures to strive after the things that make for peace4 ,society is divided into sets1 according to their breeding4 ,one set may be said to have no breeding at all1 another to have a little1 another more1 and another enough2 and between the first and last of these1 there are more shades than in the rainbow4 ,good manners are the same in essence everywhere--at courts1 in fashionable society1 in literary circles1 in domestic life--they never change1 but social observances1 customs and points of etiquette1 vary with the age and with the people4 ,a ,french writer has said3 ,to be truly polite1 it is necessary to be1 at the same time1 good1 just1 and generous4 ,true politeness is the outward visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty1 unselfishness and generosity4 ,the manners of a gentleman are the index of his soul4 ,his speech is innocent1 because his life is pure2 his thoughts are right1 because his actions are upright2 his bearing is gentle1 because his feelings1 his impulses1 and his training are gentle also4 ,a gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence4 ,he avoids homage1 instead of exacting it4 ,mere ceremonies have no attraction for him4 ,he seeks not to say any civil things1 but to do them4 ,his hospitality1 though hearty and sincere1 will be strictly regulated by his means4 ,his friends will be chosen for their good qualities and good manners2 his servants for their truthfulness and honesty2 his occupations for their usefulness1 their gracefulness or their elevating tendencies1 whether moral1 mental or political4 ,in the same general tone does ,ruskin describe a gentleman1 when he says3 ,a gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness of structure in the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation1 and of that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate sympathies--one may say1 simply1 'fineness of nature4' ,this is1 of course1 compatible with the heroic bodily strength and mental firmness2 in fact1 heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy4 ,elephantine strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no touch of the boughs1 but the white skin of ,homer's ,atrides would have felt a bent rose-leaf1 yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and behave itself like iron4 ,i do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar animal2 but if you think about him carefully1 you will find that his non-vulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine nature--not in his insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot1 but in the way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way1 and in his sensitive trunk and still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on points of honor4 ,hence it will follow that one of the probable signs of high breeding in men generally1 will be their kindness and mercifulness1 these always indicating more or less firmness of make in the mind4 ,can any one fancy what our society might be1 if all its members were perfect gentlemen and true ladies1 if all the inhabitants of the earth were kind-hearted2 if1 instead of contending with the faults of our fellows we were each to wage war against our own faults8 ,every one needs to guard constantly against the evil from within as well as from without1 for as has been truly said1 a man's greatest foe dwells in his own heart4 ,a recent ,english writer says3 ,etiquette may be defined as the minor morality of life4 ,no observances1 however minute1 that tend to spare the feelings of others1 can be classed under the head of trivialities2 and politeness1 which is but another name for general amiability1 will oil the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents supplied by mere wealth and station4 ,while the social observances1 customs and rules which have grown up are numerous1 and some perhaps considered trivial1 they are all grounded upon principles of kindness to one another1 and spring from the impulses of a good heart and from friendly feelings4 ,the truly polite man acts from the highest and noblest ideas of what is right4 ,lord ,chesterfield declared good breeding to be the result of much good sense1 some good nature and a little self-denial for the sake of others1 and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them4 ,again he says3 ,good sense and good nature suggest civility in general1 but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established only by custom4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,our ,manners4 ,no one quality of the mind and heart is more important as an element conducive to worldly success than civility--that feeling of kindness and love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners4 ,yet how many of our young men1 with an affected contempt for the forms and conventionalities of life1 assume to despise those delicate attentions1 that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner1 that mark the true gentleman4 ,,manners ,,as ,,an ,,element ,,of ,,success4 ,history repeats1 over and over again1 examples showing that it is the bearing of a man toward his fellow-men which1 more than any other one quality of his nature1 promotes or retards his advancement in life4 ,the success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address and manner of the man4 ,though there are a few people who can look beyond the rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities hidden within1 yet the vast majority1 not so keen-visaged nor tolerant1 judge a person by his appearance and demeanor1 more than by his substantial character4 ,experience of every day life teaches us1 if we would but learn1 that civility is not only one of the essentials of high success1 but that it is almost a fortune of itself1 and that he who has this quality in perfection1 though a blockhead1 is almost sure to succeed where1 without it1 even men of good ability fail4 ,a good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers4 ,civility1 refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes1 while awkwardness1 coarseness and gruffness are met with locked doors and closed hearts4 ,emerson says3 ,give a boy address and accomplishments1 and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes2 he has not the trouble of earning or owning them2 they solicit him to enter and possess4 ,in every class of life1 in all professions and occupations1 good manners are necessary to success4 ,the business man has no stock-in-trade that pays him better than a good address4 ,if the retail dealer wears his hat on his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him1 if he does not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them1 if he seats himself in their presence1 if he smokes a pipe or cigar1 or has a chew of tobacco in his mouth1 while talking with them1 or is guilty of any of the small incivilities of life1 they will not be apt to make his shop a rendezvous1 no matter how attractive the goods he displays4 ,a telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his hearers1 and makes them feel both that he has something to say1 and that he can say it1 by his manner4 ,the successful medical man inspires in his patients belief in his sympathy1 and confidence in his skill1 by his manner4 ,the lawyer1 in pleading a case before a jury1 and remembering that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great an extent as pure reason1 must not be forgetful of his manner1 if he would bring them to his own way of thinking4 ,and how often does the motto1 ,manners make the man1 govern both parties in matters of courtship1 the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a true nobility of the soul1 and the gentleman preferring her who displays in her manner a gentleness of spirit4 ,,manner ,,an ,,index ,,of ,,character4 ,a rude person1 though well meaning1 is avoided by all4 ,manners1 in fact1 are minor morals2 and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad person4 ,the manner in which a person says or does a thing1 furnishes a better index of his character than what he does or says1 for it is by the incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings1 by his looks1 tones and gestures1 rather than by his words and deeds1 that we prefer to judge him1 for the reason that the former are involuntary4 ,the manner in which a favor is granted or a kindness done1 often affects us more than the deed itself4 ,the deed may have been prompted by vanity1 pride1 or some selfish motive or interest2 the warmth or coldness with which the person who has done it speaks to you1 or grasps your hand1 is less likely to deceive4 ,the manner of doing any thing1 it has been truly said1 is that which stamps its life and character on any action4 ,a favor may be performed so grudgingly as to prevent any feeling of obligation1 or it may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings than if it had been ungraciously granted4 ,,the ,,true ,,gentleman4 ,politeness is benevolence in small things4 ,a true gentleman must regard the rights and feelings of others1 even in matters the most trivial4 ,he respects the individuality of others1 just as he wishes others to respect his own4 ,in society he is quiet1 easy1 unobtrusive1 putting on no airs1 nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better1 or wiser1 or richer than any one about him4 ,he never boasts of his achievements1 or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what he has done4 ,he is distinguished1 above all things1 by his deep insight and sympathy1 his quick perception of1 and prompt attention to1 those small and apparently insignificant things that may cause pleasure or pain to others4 ,in giving his opinions he does not dogmatize2 he listens patiently and respectfully to other men1 and1 if compelled to dissent from their opinions1 acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own views in such a manner as to command the respect of all who hear him4 ,frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with his fellows1 and1 however high his station1 the humblest man feels instantly at ease in his presence4 ,,the ,,true ,,lady4 ,calvert says3 ,ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by culture2 giving as two requisites for the highest breeding1 transmitted qualities and the culture of good training4 ,he continues3 ,of the higher type of ladyhood may always be said what ,steele said of ,lady ,elizabeth ,hastings1 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the attendance of the graces in all her actions4' ,at its highest1 ladyhood implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace4 ,from the lady there exhales a subtle magnetism4 ,unconsciously she encircles herself with an atmosphere of unruffled strength1 which1 to those who come into it1 gives confidence and repose4 ,within her influence the diffident grow self-possessed1 the impudent are checked1 the inconsiderate are admonished2 even the rude are constrained to be mannerly1 and the refined are perfected2 all spelled1 unawares1 by the flexible dignity1 the commanding gentleness1 the thorough womanliness of her look1 speech and demeanor4 ,a sway is this1 purely spiritual4 ,every sway1 every legitimate1 every enduring sway is spiritual2 a regnancy of light over obscurity1 of right over brutality4 ,the only real gains ever made are spiritual gains--a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal1 of body to soul1 of the animal to the human4 ,the finest and most characteristic acts of a lady involve a spiritual ascension1 a growing out of herself4 ,in her being and bearing1 patience1 generosity1 benignity are the graces that give shape to the virtues of truthfulness4 ,here is the test of true ladyhood4 ,whenever the young find themselves in the company of those who do not make them feel at ease1 they should know that they are not in the society of true ladies and true gentlemen1 but of pretenders2 that well-bred men and women can only feel at home in the society of the well-bred4 ,,the ,,importance ,,of ,,trifles4 ,some people are wont to depreciate these kind and tender qualities as trifles2 but trifles1 it must be remembered1 make up the aggregate of human life4 ,the petty incivilities1 slight rudenesses and neglects of which men are guilty1 without thought1 or from lack of foresight or sympathy1 are often remembered1 while the great acts performed by the same persons are often forgotten4 ,there is no society where smiles1 pleasant looks and animal spirits are not welcomed and deemed of more importance than sallies of wit1 or refinements of understanding4 ,the little civilities1 which form the small change of life may appear separately of little moment1 but1 like the spare pennies which amount to such large fortunes in a lifetime1 they owe their importance to repetition and accumulation4 ,,value ,,of ,,pleasing ,,manners4 ,the man who succeeds in any calling in life is almost invariably he who has shown a willingness to please and to be pleased1 who has responded heartily to the advances of others1 through nature and habit1 while his rival has sniffed and frowned and snubbed away every helping hand4 ,the charming manners of the ,duke of ,marlborough1 it is said1 often changed an enemy to a friend1 and to be denied a favor by him was more pleasing than to receive one from another4 ,it was these personal graces that made him both rich and great4 ,his address was so exquisitely fascinating as to dissolve fierce jealousies and animosities1 lull suspicion and beguile the subtlest diplomacy of its arts4 ,his fascinating smile and winning tongue1 equally with his sharp sword1 swayed the destinies of empires4 ,the gracious manners of ,charles ,james ,fox preserved him from personal dislike1 even when he had gambled away his last shilling1 and politically1 was the most unpopular man in ,england4 ,,manners ,,and ,,personal ,,appearance4 ,a charming manner not only enhances personal beauty1 but even hides ugliness and makes plainness agreeable4 ,an ill-favored countenance is not necessarily a stumbling-block1 at the outset1 to its owner1 which cannot be surmounted1 for who does not know how much a happy manner often does to neutralize the ill effects of forbidding looks8 ,the fascination of the demagogue ,wilkes's manner triumphed over both physical and moral deformity1 rendering even his ugliness agreeable2 and he boasted to ,lord ,townsend1 one of the handsomest men in ,great ,britain1 that with half an hour's start he would get ahead of his lordship in the affections of any woman in the kingdom4 ,the ugliest ,frenchman1 perhaps1 that ever lived was ,mirabeau2 yet such was the witchery of his manner1 that the belt of no gay ,lothario was hung with a greater number of bleeding female hearts than this thunderer of the tribune1 whose looks were so hideous that he was compared to a tiger pitted with the small-pox4 ,,fortunes ,,made ,,by ,,pleasing ,,manners4 ,pleasing manners have made the fortunes of men in all professions and in every walk of life--of lawyers1 doctors1 clergymen1 merchants1 clerks and mechanics--and instances of this are so numerous that they may be recalled by almost any person4 ,the politician who has the advantage of a courteous1 graceful and pleasing manner finds himself an easy winner in the race with rival candidates1 for every voter with whom he speaks becomes instantly his friend4 ,civility is to a man what beauty is to a woman4 ,it creates an instantaneous impression in his behalf1 while gruffness or coarseness excites as quick a prejudice against him4 ,it is an ornament1 worth more as a means of winning favor than the finest clothes and jewels ever worn4 ,lord ,chesterfield said the art of pleasing is1 in truth1 the art of rising1 of distinguishing one's self1 of making a figure and a fortune in the world4 ,some years ago a drygoods salesman in a ,london shop had acquired such a reputation for courtesy and exhaustless patience1 that it was said to be impossible to provoke from him any expression of irritability1 or the smallest symptom of vexation4 ,a lady of rank learning of his wonderful equanimity1 determined to put it to the test by all the annoyances with which a veteran shop-visitor knows how to tease a shopman4 ,she failed in her attempt to vex or irritate him1 and thereupon set him up in business4 ,he rose to eminence in trade1 and the main spring of his later1 as of his earlier career1 was politeness4 ,hundreds of men1 like this salesman1 have owed their start in life wholly to their pleasing address and manners4 ,,cultivation ,,of ,,good ,,manners4 ,the cultivation of pleasing1 affable manners should be an important part of the education of every person of whatever calling or station in life4 ,many people think that if they have only the substance1 the form is of little consequence4 ,but manners are a compound of spirit and form--spirit acted into form4 ,the first law of good manners1 which epitomizes all the rest is1 ,thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself4 ,true courtesy is simply the application of this golden rule to all our social conduct1 or1 as it has been happily defined1 real kindness1 kindly expressed4 ,it may be met in the hut of the ,arab1 in the courtyard of the ,turk1 in the hovel of the freedman1 and the cottage of the ,irishman4 ,even ,christian men sometimes fail in courtesy1 deeming it a mark of weakness1 or neglecting it from mere thoughtlessness4 ,yet when we find this added to the other virtues of the ,christian1 it will be noted that his influence for good upon others has been powerfully increased1 for it was by this that he obtained access to the hearts of others4 ,an old ,english writer said reverently of our ,saviour3 ,he was the first true gentleman that ever lived4 ,the influence of many good men would be more than doubled if they could manage to be less stiff and more elastic4 ,gentleness in society1 it has been truly said1 is like the silent influence of light which gives color to all nature2 it is far more powerful than loudness or force1 and far more fruitful4 ,it pushes its way silently and persistently like the tiniest daffodil in spring1 which raises the clod and thrusts it aside by the simple persistence of growing4 ,,politeness4 ,politeness is kindness of manner4 ,this is the outgrowth of kindness of heart1 of nobleness1 and of courage4 ,but in some persons we find an abundance of courage1 nobleness and kindness of heart1 without kindness of manner1 and we can only think and speak of them as not only impolite1 but even rude and gruff4 ,such a man was ,dr4 ,johnson1 whose rudeness secured for him the nickname of ,ursa ,major1 and of whom ,goldsmith truthfully remarked1 ,no man alive has a more tender heart2 he has nothing of the bear about him but his skin4 ,to acquire that ease and grace of manners which is possessed by and which distinguishes every well-bred person1 one must think of others rather than of himself1 and study to please them even at his own inconvenience4 ,do unto others as you would that others should do unto you--the golden rule of life--is also the law of politeness1 and such politeness implies self-sacrifice1 many struggles and conflicts4 ,it is an art and tact1 rather than an instinct and inspiration4 ,an eminent divine has said3 ,a noble and attractive every-day bearing comes of goodness1 of sincerity1 of refinement4 ,and these are bred in years1 not moments4 ,the principle that rules our life is the sure posture-master4 ,sir ,philip ,sidney was the pattern to all ,england of a perfect gentleman2 but then he was the hero that1 on the field of ,zutphen1 pushed away the cup of cold water from his own fevered and parched lips1 and held it out to the dying soldier at his side4 ,a ,christian by the very conditions of his creed1 and the obligations of his faith is1 of necessity1 in mind and soul--and therefore in word and act--a gentleman1 but a man may be polite without being a ,christian4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,introductions4 ,an acquaintanceship or friendship usually begins by means of introductions1 though it is by no means uncommon that when it has taken place under other circumstances--without introduction--it has been a great advantage to both parties2 nor can it be said that it is improper to begin an acquaintance in this way4 ,the formal introduction has been called the highway to the beginning of friendship1 and the scraped acquaintance the by-path4 ,,promiscuous ,,introduction4 ,there is a large class of people who introduce friends and acquaintances to everybody they meet1 whether at home or abroad1 while walking or riding out4 ,such promiscuous introductions are neither necessary1 desirable1 nor at all times agreeable4 ,,an ,,introduction ,a ,,social ,,endorsement4 ,it is to be remembered that an introduction is regarded as a social endorsement of the person introduced1 and that1 under certain circumstances1 it would be wrong to introduce to our friends casual acquaintances1 of whom we know nothing1 and who may afterwards prove to be anything but desirable persons to know4 ,care should be taken1 therefore1 in introducing two individuals1 that the introduction be mutually agreeable4 ,whenever it is practicable1 it is best to settle the point by inquiring beforehand4 ,when this is inexpedient from any cause1 a thorough acquaintance with both parties will warrant the introducer to judge of the point for him or herself4 ,,universal ,,introductions4 ,while the habit of universal introductions is a bad one1 there are many men in cities and villages who are not at all particular whom they introduce to each other4 ,as a general rule1 a man should be as careful about the character of the person he introduces to his friends1 as he is of him whose notes he would endorse4 ,,the ,,introduction ,,of ,a ,,gentleman ,,to ,a ,,lady4 ,a gentleman should not be introduced to a lady1 unless her permission has been previously obtained1 and no one should ever be introduced into the house of a friend1 except permission is first granted4 ,such introductions1 however1 are frequent1 but they are improper1 for a person cannot know that an introduction of this kind will be agreeable4 ,if a person asks you to introduce him to another1 or a gentleman asks to be introduced to a lady1 and you find the introduction would not be agreeable to the other party1 you may decline on the grounds that you are not sufficiently intimate to take that liberty4 ,when a gentleman is introduced to a lady1 both bow slightly1 and the gentleman opens conversation4 ,it is the place of the one who is introduced to make the first remark4 ,,informal ,,introduction4 ,it is not strictly necessary that acquaintanceship should wait a formal introduction4 ,persons meeting at the house of a common friend may consider that fact a sufficient warrant for the preliminaries of acquaintanceship1 if there appears to be a mutual inclination toward such acquaintanceship4 ,the presence of a person in a friend's house is a sufficient guaranty for his or her respectability4 ,gentlemen and ladies may form acquaintances in traveling1 on a steamboat1 in a railway car1 or a stage-coach1 without the formality of an introduction4 ,such acquaintanceship should be conducted with a certain amount of reserve1 and need not be prolonged beyond the time of casual meeting4 ,the slightest approach to disrespect or familiarity should be checked by dignified silence4 ,a young lady1 however1 is not accorded the same privilege of forming acquaintances as is a married or elderly lady1 and should be careful about doing so4 ,,introductions ,,at ,a ,,ball4 ,it is the part of the host and hostess at a ball to introduce their guests1 though guests may1 with perfect propriety1 introduce each other1 or1 as already intimated1 may converse with one another without the ceremony of a formal introduction4 ,a gentleman1 before introducing his friends to ladies1 should obtain permission of the latter to do so1 unless he is perfectly sure1 from his knowledge of the ladies1 that the introductions will be agreeable4 ,the ladies should always grant such permission1 unless there is a strong reason for refusing4 ,the ,french1 and to some extent the ,english1 dispense with introductions at a private ball4 ,the fact that they have been invited to meet each other is regarded as a guaranty that they are fit to be mutually acquainted1 and is a sufficient warrant for self-introduction4 ,at a public ball partners must be introduced to each other4 ,special introducing may be made with propriety by the master of ceremonies4 ,at public balls it is well for ladies to dance only1 or for the most part1 with gentlemen of their own party1 or those with whom they have had a previous acquaintance4 ,,the ,,manner ,,of ,,introduction4 ,the proper form of introduction is to present the gentleman to the lady1 the younger to the older1 the inferior in social standing to the superior4 ,in introducing1 you bow to the lady and say1 ,miss ,c41 allow me to introduce to you ,mr4 ,d4 ,mr4 ,d41 ,miss ,c4 ,it is the duty of ,mr4 ,d4 upon bowing to say1 ,it gives me great pleasure to form your acquaintance1 ,miss ,c41 or a remark of this nature4 ,if gentlemen are to be introduced to one another1 the form is1 ,col4 ,blank1 permit me to introduce to you ,mr4 ,cole4 ,mr4 ,cole1 ,col4 ,blank4 ,the exact words of an introduction are immaterial1 so long as the proper form and order is preserved4 ,the word present is often used in place of introduce4 ,while it is customary to repeat the names of the two parties introduced at the close of the introduction1 it is often omitted as a useless formality4 ,it is of the utmost importance that each name should be spoken distinctly4 ,if either of the parties does not distinctly hear the name of the other he should say at once1 without hesitation or embarrassment1 before making the bow1 ,i beg your pardon2 ,i did not catch 7or understand7 the name1 when it may be repeated to him4 ,if several persons are to be introduced to one individual1 mention the name of the single individual first1 and then call the others in succession1 bowing slightly as each name is pronounced4 ,it is the part of true politeness1 after introductions1 to explain to each person introduced something of the business or residence of each1 as they will assist in opening conversation4 ,or1 if one party has recently returned from a foreign trip1 it is courteous to say so4 ,,casual ,,introductions4 ,while it is not necessary to introduce people who chance to meet in your house during a morning call2 yet1 if there is no reason for supposing that such an introduction will be objectionable to either party1 it seems better to give it1 as it sets both parties at ease in conversation4 ,acquaintanceship may or may not follow such an introduction1 at the option of the parties4 ,people who meet at the house of a mutual friend need not recognize each other as acquaintances if they meet again elsewhere1 unless they choose to do so4 ,,introducing ,,relatives4 ,in introducing members of your own family1 be careful not only to specify the degree of relationship1 but to give the name also4 ,it is awkward to a stranger to be introduced to ,my brother ,tom1 or ,my sister ,carrie4 ,when either the introducer or the introduced is a married lady1 the name of the party introduced can only be guessed at4 ,,bestowing ,,of ,,titles4 ,in introducing a person give him his appropriate title4 ,if he is a clergyman1 say ,the ,rev4 ,mr4 ,clark4 ,if a doctor of divinity1 say ,the ,rev4 ,dr4 ,clark4 ,if he is a member of ,congress1 call him ,honorable1 and specify to which branch of ,congress he belongs4 ,if he is governor of a ,state1 mention what ,state4 ,if he is a man of any celebrity in the world of art or letters1 it is well to mention the fact something after this manner3 ,mr4 ,fish1 the artist1 whose pictures you have frequently seen1 or ,mr4 ,hart1 author of ',our ,future ,state1' which you so greatly admired4 ,,obligatory ,,introductions4 ,a friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers1 and courtesy requires the latter to cultivate the acquaintance while your visitor remains with you4 ,if you are the caller introduced1 you must show the same attention to the friend of your friend that you wish shown your own friends under the same circumstances4 ,persons meeting at public places need not introduce each other to the strangers who may chance to be with them2 and1 even if the introduction does take place1 the acquaintance need not be continued unless desired4 ,,the ,,obligation ,,of ,,an ,,introduction4 ,two persons who have been properly introduced have in future certain claims upon one another's acquaintance which should be recognized1 unless there are sufficient reasons for overlooking them4 ,even in that case good manners require the formal bow of recognition upon meeting1 which1 of itself1 encourages no familiarity4 ,only a very ill-bred person will meet another with a stare4 ,,the ,,salutation ,,after ,,introduction4 ,a slight bow is all that is required by courtesy1 after an introduction4 ,shaking hands is optional1 and it should rest with the older1 or the superior in social standing to make the advances4 ,it is often an act of kindness on their part1 and as such to be commended4 ,it is a common practice among gentlemen1 when introduced to one another1 to shake hands1 and as it evinces more cordiality than a mere bow1 is generally to be preferred4 ,an unmarried lady should not shake hands with gentlemen indiscriminately4 ,,the ,,first ,,to ,,recognize4 ,it is the privilege of the lady to determine whether she will recognize a gentleman after an introduction1 and he is bound to return the bow4 ,in bowing to a lady on the street1 it is not enough that a gentleman should touch his hat1 he should lift it from his head4 ,,the ,,cut ,,direct4 ,the cut direct1 which is given by a prolonged stare at a person1 if justified at all1 can only be in case of extraordinary and notoriously bad conduct on the part of the individual cut1 and is very seldom called for4 ,if any one wishes to avoid a bowing acquaintance with another1 it can be done by looking aside or dropping the eyes4 ,it is an invariable rule of good society1 that a gentleman cannot cut a lady under any circumstances1 but circumstances may arise when he may be excused for persisting in not meeting her eyes1 for if their eyes meet1 he must bow4 ,,meeting ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,if1 while walking with one friend1 in the street1 you meet another and stop a moment to speak with the latter1 it is not necessary to introduce the two who are strangers to one another2 but1 when you separate1 the friend who accompanies you gives a parting salutation1 the same as yourself4 ,the same rule applies if the friend you meet chances to be a lady4 ,,introducing ,,yourself4 ,if1 on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit1 you are not recognized1 mention your name immediately4 ,if you know but one member of the family and you find others only in the room1 introduce yourself to them4 ,unless this is done1 much awkwardness may be occasioned4 ,,about ,,shaking ,,hands4 ,when a lady is introduced to a gentleman1 she should merely bow but not give her hand1 unless the gentleman is a well known friend of some member of the family4 ,in that case she may do so if she pleases1 as a mark of esteem or respect4 ,a gentleman must not offer to shake hands with a lady until she has made the first movement4 ,a married lady should extend her hand upon being introduced to a stranger brought to her house by her husband1 or by a common friend1 as an evidence of her cordial welcome4 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction4 ,friendly letters of introduction should only be given to personal friends1 introducing them1 and only addressed to those with whom the writer has a strong personal friendship4 ,it is not only foolish1 but positively dangerous to give such a letter to a person with whom the writer is but slightly acquainted1 as you may thus give your countenance and endorsement to a person who will take advantage of your carelessness to bring you into embarrassing and mortifying positions4 ,again1 you should never address a letter of introduction to any but an intimate friend of long standing1 and even then it should not be done1 unless you are perfectly satisfied that the person you are to introduce will be an agreeable and congenial person for your friend to meet1 as it would be very annoying to send to your friend a visitor who would prove to him disagreeable4 ,even amongst friends of long standing such letters should be given very cautiously and sparingly4 ,the form of letters of introduction is given in the chapter on ,letter-writing4 ,,delivering ,a ,,letter ,,of ,,introduction4 ,it is not necessary to deliver a friendly letter of introduction to a person who resides in another town4 ,it is better to send it to the person to whom it is directed1 on your arrival1 accompanied by your card of address4 ,if he wishes to comply with the request of his friend he will call upon you1 and give you an invitation to visit him2 circumstances1 however1 might render it exceedingly inconvenient1 or impossible for the person to whom the letter is addressed1 to call upon you2 consequently a neglect to call need not be considered a mark of ill-breeding1 though by some people it is so considered4 ,the person addressed must consult his own feelings in the matter1 and while aiming to do what is right1 he is not bound to sacrifice business or other important matters to attend to the entertainment of a friend's friend4 ,in such a case he may send his own card to the address of the person bearing the letter of introduction1 and the latter is at liberty to call upon him at his leisure4 ,,the ,,duty ,,of ,,the ,,person ,,addressed4 ,in ,europe it is the custom for a person with a letter of introduction to make the first call1 but in this country we think that a stranger should never be made to feel that he is begging our attention1 and that it is indelicate for him to intrude until he is positive that his company would be agreeable4 ,consequently1 if it is your wish and in your power to welcome any one recommended to you by letter from a friend1 or to show your regard for your friend's friend1 you must call upon him with all possible dispatch1 after you receive his letter of introduction1 and give him as hospitable a reception and entertainment as it is possible to give1 and such as you would be pleased to receive were you in his place4 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction ,,for ,,business ,,purposes4 ,letters of introduction to and from business men may be delivered by the bearers in person1 and etiquette does not require the receiver to entertain the person introduced as a friend of the writer4 ,it is entirely optional with the person to whom the latter is introduced how he welcomes him1 or whether he entertains him or not1 though his courtesy would be apt to suggest that some kind attentions should be paid him4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,salutations4 ,carlyle says3 ,what we call 'formulas' are not in their origin bad2 they are indisputably good4 ,formula is method1 habitude2 found wherever man is found4 ,formulas fashion themselves as paths do1 as beaten highways leading toward some sacred1 high object1 whither many men are bent4 ,consider it3 ,one man full of heartfelt1 earnest impulse finds out a way of doing something--were it uttering his soul's reverence for the ,highest1 were it but of fitly saluting his fellow-man4 ,an inventor was needed to do that1 a poet2 he has articulated the dim1 struggling thought that dwelt in his own and many hearts4 ,this is the way of doing that4 ,these are his footsteps1 the beginning of a 'path4' ,and now see the second man travels naturally in the footsteps of his foregoer2 it is the easiest method4 ,in the footsteps of his foregoer1 yet with his improvements1 with changes where such seem good2 at all events with enlargements1 the path ever widening itself as more travel it1 till at last there is a broad highway1 whereon the whole world may travel and drive4 ,,salutation ,,originally ,,an ,,act ,,of ,,worship4 ,a lady writer of distinction says of salutations3 ,it would seem that good manners were originally the expression of submission from the weaker to the stronger4 ,in a rude state of society every salutation is to this day an act of worship4 ,hence the commonest acts1 phrases and signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar1 date from those earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated his allegiance by studied servility4 ,let us take1 for example1 the words 'sir' and 'madam4' ',sir' is derived from seigneur1 sieur1 and originally meant lord1 king1 ruler and1 in its patriarchal sense1 father4 ,the title of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of ,france1 who1 as ,selden has said1 'affected rather to be styled by the name of sire than baron1 as ,le ,sire de ,montmorenci and the like4' ',madam' or 'madame1' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am1' and by ,mrs4 ,gamp and her tribe into 'mum1' is in substance equivalent to 'your exalted1' or 'your highness1' madame originally meaning high-born1 or stately1 and being applied only to ladies of the highest rank4 ,to turn to our every-day forms of salutation4 ,we take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance4 ,we bow on being introduced to strangers4 ,we rise when visitors enter our drawing-room4 ,we wave our hand to our friend as he passes the window or drives away from our door4 ,the ,oriental1 in like manner1 leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays a visit4 ,the natives of the ,tonga ,islands kiss the soles of a chieftain's feet4 ,the ,siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a ,russian noble4 ,each of these acts has a primary1 an historical significance4 ,the very word 'salutation1' in the first place1 derived as it is from salutatio1 the daily homage paid by a ,roman client to his patron1 suggests in itself a history of manners4 ,to bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods and rulers4 ,a bow is a modified prostration4 ,a lady's courtesy is a modified genuflection4 ,rising and standing are acts of homage2 and when we wave our hand to a friend on the opposite side of the street1 we are unconsciously imitating the ,romans1 who1 as ,selden tells us1 used to stand 'somewhat off before the images of their gods1 solemnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting it1 as if they had cast kisses4' ,again1 men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady--a custom evidently of feudal origin4 ,the knight removed his iron gauntlet1 the pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chatelaine2 and the custom1 which began in necessity1 has traveled down to us as a point of etiquette4 ,,salutations ,,of ,,different ,,nations4 ,each nation has its own method of salutation4 ,in ,southern ,africa it is the custom to rub toes4 ,in ,lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours4 ,the ,turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very low4 ,the ,moors of ,morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation4 ,they ride at a gallop toward a stranger1 as though they would unhorse him1 and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol over the person's head4 ,the ,egyptian solicitously asks you1 ,how do you perspire8 and lets his hand fall to the knee4 ,the ,chinese bows low and inquires1 ,have you eaten8 ,the ,spaniard says1 ,god be with you1 sir1 or1 ,how do you stand8 ,and the ,neapolitan piously remarks1 ,grow in holiness4 ,the ,german asks1 ,how goes it with you8 ,the ,frenchman bows profoundly and inquires1 ,how do you carry yourself4 ,foreigners are given to embracing4 ,in ,france and ,germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on the forehead1 men throw their arms around the necks of their friends1 and brothers embrace like lovers4 ,it is a curious sight to ,americans1 with their natural prejudices against publicity in kissing4 ,in ,england and ,america there are three modes of salutation--the bow1 the handshaking and the kiss4 ,,the ,,bow4 ,it is said3 ,a bow is a note drawn at sight4 ,you are bound to acknowledge it immediately1 and to the full amount4 ,it should be respectful1 cordial1 civil or familiar1 according to circumstances4 ,between gentlemen1 an inclination of the head1 a gesture of the hand1 or the mere touching of the hat is sufficient2 but in bowing to a lady1 the hat must be lifted from the head4 ,if you know people slightly1 you recognize them slightly2 if you know them well1 you bow with more familiarity4 ,the body is not bent at all in bowing2 the inclination of the head is all that is necessary4 ,if the gentleman is smoking1 he withdraws his cigar from his mouth before lifting his hat to a lady1 or if he should happen to have his hand in his pocket he removes it4 ,at the moment of the first meeting of the eyes of an acquaintance you bow4 ,any one who has been introduced to you1 or any one to whom you have been introduced1 is entitled to this mark of respect4 ,the bow is the touchstone of good breeding1 and to neglect it1 even to one with whom you may have a trifling difference1 shows deficiency in cultivation and in the instincts of refinement4 ,a bow does not entail a calling acquaintance4 ,its entire neglect reveals the character and training of the person2 the manner of its observance reveals the very shades of breeding that exist between the ill-bred and the well-bred4 ,,returning ,a ,,bow4 ,a gentleman walking with a lady returns a bow made to her1 whether by a lady or gentleman 7lifting his hat not too far from his head71 although the one bowing is an entire stranger to him4 ,it is civility to return a bow1 although you do not know the one who is bowing to you4 ,either the one who bows1 knows you1 or has mistaken you for some one else4 ,in either case you should return the bow1 and probably the mistake will be discovered to have occurred for want of quick recognition on your own part1 or from some resemblance that you bear to another4 ,,the ,,manner ,,of ,,bowing4 ,the manner in which the salutation of recognition is made1 may be regarded as an unerring test of the breeding1 training1 or culture of a person4 ,it should be prompt as soon as the eyes meet1 whether on the street or in a room4 ,the intercourse need go no further1 but that bow must be made4 ,there are but few laws which have better reasons for their observance than this4 ,this rule holds good under all circumstances1 whether within doors or without4 ,those who abstain from bowing at one time1 and bow at another1 should not be surprised to find that the person whom they have neglected1 has avoided the continuation of their acquaintance4 ,,duties ,,of ,,young ,,to ,,older ,,people4 ,having once had an introduction that entitles to recognition1 it is the duty of the person to recall himself or herself to the recollection of the older person1 if there is much difference in age1 by bowing each time of meeting1 until the recognition becomes mutual4 ,as persons advance in life1 they look for these attentions upon the part of the young4 ,persons who have large circles of acquaintance1 often confuse the faces of the young whom they know with the familiar faces which they meet and do not know1 and from frequent errors of this kind1 they get into the habit of waiting to catch some look or gesture of recognition4 ,,how ,,to ,,avoid ,,recognition4 ,if a person desires to avoid a bowing acquaintance with a person who has been properly introduced1 he may do so by looking aside1 or dropping the eyes as the person approaches1 for1 if the eyes meet1 there is no alternative1 bow he must4 ,,on ,,public ,,promenades4 ,bowing once to a person upon a public promenade or drive is all that civility requires4 ,if the person is a friend1 it is in better form1 the second and subsequent passings1 should you catch his or her eye1 to smile slightly instead of bowing repeatedly4 ,if an acquaintance1 it is best to avert the eyes4 ,a ,,smiling ,,bow4 ,a bow should never be accompanied by a broad smile1 even when you are well acquainted1 and yet a high authority well says3 ,you should never speak to an acquaintance without a smile in your eyes4 ,,deference ,,to ,,elderly ,,people4 ,a young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady that a gentleman does to a lady4 ,it may also be said that a young man should show proper deference to elderly gentlemen4 ,,words ,,of ,,salutation4 ,the words commonly used in saluting a person are ,good ,morning1 ,good ,afternoon1 ,good ,evening1 ,how do you do 7sometimes contracted into ,howdy and ,how dye do17 and ,how are you4 ,the three former are most appropriate1 as it seems somewhat absurd to ask after a person's health1 unless you stop to receive an answer4 ,a respectful bow should accompany the words4 ,,shaking ,,hands4 ,among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial expression of good-will4 ,it is not necessary1 though in certain cases it is not forbidden1 upon introduction2 but when acquaintanceship has reached any degree of intimacy1 it is perfectly proper4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,handshaking4 ,an authority upon this subject says3 ,the etiquette of handshaking is simple4 ,a man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered4 ,he has even less right to pinch or retain it4 ,two young ladies shake hands gently and softly4 ,a young lady gives her hand1 but does not shake a gentleman's unless she is his friend4 ,a lady should always rise to give her hand2 a gentleman1 of course1 never dares to do so seated4 ,on introduction in a room1 a married lady generally offers her hand2 a young lady1 not4 ,in a ball-room1 where the introduction is to dancing1 not to friendship1 you never shake hands2 and as a general rule1 an introduction is not followed by shaking hands1 only by a bow4 ,it may perhaps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction1 the less handshaking takes place4 ,but if the introduction be particular1 if it be accompanied by personal recommendation1 such as1 ',i want you to know my friend ,jones1' or if ,jones comes with a letter of presentation1 then you give ,jones your hand1 and warmly1 too4 ,lastly1 it is the privilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand1 so that an inferior should never put his forward first4 ,when a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all1 she should give her hand with frankness and cordiality4 ,there should be equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part1 and even more warmth1 though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such4 ,in shaking hands1 the right hand should always be offered1 unless it be so engaged as to make it impossible1 and then an excuse should be offered4 ,the ,french give the left hand1 as nearest the heart4 ,the mistress of a household should offer her hand to every guest invited to her house4 ,a gentleman must not shake hands with a lady until she has made the first move in that direction4 ,it is a mark of rudeness not to give his hand instantly1 should she extend her own4 ,a married lady should always extend her hand to a stranger brought to her house by a common friend1 as an evidence of her cordial welcome4 ,where an introduction is for dancing there is no shaking of hands4 ,,the ,,kiss4 ,this is the most affectionate form of salutation1 and is only proper among near relations and dear friends4 ,,the ,,kiss ,,of ,,friendship4 ,the kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead4 ,in this country this act of affection is generally excluded from public eyes1 and in the case of parents and children and near relations1 it is perhaps unnecessarily so4 ,,kissing ,,in ,,public4 ,the custom which has become quite prevalent of women kissing each other whenever they meet in public1 is regarded as vulgar1 and by ladies of delicacy and refinement is entirely avoided4 ,,the ,,kiss ,,of ,,respect4 ,the kiss of respect--almost obsolete in this country--is made on the hand4 ,the custom is retained in ,germany and among gentlemen of the most courtly manners in ,england4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,v4 ,etiquette of ,calls4 ,there are calls of ceremony1 of condolence1 of congratulation and of friendship4 ,all but the latter are usually of short duration4 ,the call of friendship is usually of less formality and may be of some length4 ,,morning ,,calls4 ,morning calls1 as they are termed1 should not be made earlier than #ab ,p4,m41 nor later than #e ,p4,m4 ,a morning call should not exceed half an hour in length4 ,from ten to twenty minutes is ordinarily quite long enough4 ,if other visitors come in1 the visit should terminate as speedily as possible4 ,upon leaving1 bow slightly to the strangers4 ,in making a call be careful to avoid the luncheon and dinner hour of your friends4 ,from two until five is ordinarily the most convenient time for morning calls4 ,,evening ,,calls4 ,it is sometimes more convenient for both the caller and those called upon that the call should be made in the evening4 ,an evening call should never be made later than nine o'clock1 nor be prolonged after ten1 neither should it exceed an hour in length4 ,,rules ,,for ,,formal ,,calls4 ,the lady of the house rises upon the entrance of her visitors1 who at once advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others4 ,if too many callers are present to enable her to take the lead in conversation1 she pays special attention to the latest arrivals1 watching to see that no one is left alone1 and talking to each of her guests in succession1 or seeing that some one is doing so4 ,a lady who is not in her own house does not rise1 either on the arrival or departure of ladies1 unless there is some great difference of age4 ,attention to the aged is one of the marks of good breeding which is never neglected by the thoughtful and refined4 ,it is not customary to introduce residents of the same city1 unless the hostess knows that an introduction will be agreeable to both parties4 ,strangers in the place are always introduced4 ,ladies and gentlemen who meet in the drawing-room of a common friend are privileged to speak to each other without an introduction2 though gentlemen generally prefer to ask for introductions4 ,when introduced to any one1 bow slightly1 and enter at once into conversation4 ,it shows a lack of good breeding not to do so4 ,when introductions are given1 it is the gentleman who should be presented to the lady2 when two ladies are introduced1 it is the younger who is presented to the older4 ,a lady receiving gives her hand to a stranger as to a friend1 when she wishes to bestow some mark of cordiality in welcoming a guest to her home1 but a gentleman should not take the initiatory in handshaking4 ,it is the lady's privilege to give or withhold1 as she chooses4 ,a gentleman rises when those ladies with whom he is talking rise to take their leave4 ,he also rises upon the entrance of ladies1 but he does not offer seats to those entering1 unless in his own house1 or unless requested to do so by the hostess1 and then he does not offer his own chair if others are available4 ,a call should not be less than fifteen minutes in duration1 nor should it be so long as to become tedious4 ,a bore is a person who does not know when you have had enough of his or her company1 and gives more of it than is desirable4 ,choose a time to leave when there is a lull in the conversation1 and the hostess is not occupied with fresh arrivals4 ,then take leave of your hostess1 bowing to those you know as you leave the room1 not to each in turn1 but let one bow include all4 ,calls ought to be made within three days after a dinner or tea party1 if it is a first invitation2 and if not1 within a week4 ,after a party or a ball1 whether you have accepted the invitation or not1 you call within a week4 ,a lady who has no regular reception day will endeavor to receive callers at any time4 ,if she is occupied1 she will instruct her servant to say that she is engaged2 but a visitor once admitted into the house must be seen at any inconvenience4 ,a lady should never keep a caller waiting without sending to see whether a delay of a few minutes will inconvenience the caller4 ,servants should be instructed to return and announce to the person waiting that the lady will be down immediately4 ,any delay whatever should be apologized for4 ,if1 on making a call1 you are introduced into a room where you are unknown to those assembled1 at once give your name and mention upon whom your call is made4 ,in meeting a lady or gentleman whose name you cannot recall1 frankly say so1 if you find it necessary4 ,sensible persons will prefer to recall themselves to your memory rather than to feel that you are talking to them without fully recognizing them4 ,to affect not to remember a person is despicable1 and reflects only on the pretender4 ,gentlemen1 as well as ladies1 when making formal calls1 send in but one card1 no matter how many members of the family they may wish to see4 ,if a guest is stopping at the house1 the same rule is observed4 ,if not at home1 one card is left for the lady1 and one for the guest4 ,the card for the lady may be folded so as to include the family4 ,,rules ,,for ,,summer ,,resorts4 ,at places of summer resort1 those who own their cottages1 call first upon those who rent them1 and those who rent1 in turn1 call upon each other1 according to priority of arrival4 ,in all these cases there are exceptions2 as1 where there is any great difference in ages1 the younger then calling upon the older1 if there has been a previous acquaintance or exchange of calls4 ,if there has been no previous acquaintance or exchange of calls1 the older lady pays the first call1 unless she takes the initiative by inviting the younger to call upon her1 or by sending her an invitation to some entertainment1 which she is about to give4 ,when the occupants of two villas1 who have arrived the same season1 meet at the house of a common friend1 and the older of the two uses her privilege of inviting the other to call1 it would be a positive rudeness not to call2 and the sooner the call is made1 the more civil will it be considered4 ,it is equally rude1 when one lady asks permission of another to bring a friend to call1 and then neglects to do it1 after permission has been given4 ,if the acquaintance is not desired1 the first call can be the last4 ,,calls ,,made ,,by ,,cards4 ,only calls of pure ceremony--such as are made previous to an entertainment on those persons who are not to be invited1 and to whom you are indebted for any attentions--are made by handing in cards2 nor can a call in person be returned by cards4 ,exceptions to this rule comprise ,p4,p4,c4 calls1 cards left or sent by persons in mourning1 and those which announce a lady's day for receiving calls1 on her return to town1 after an absence4 ,,reception ,,days4 ,some ladies receive only on certain days or evenings1 which are once a week1 once a fortnight1 or once a month as the case may be1 and the time is duly announced by cards4 ,when a lady has made this rule it is considerate1 on the part of her friends1 to observe it1 for it is sometimes regarded as an intrusion to call at any other time4 ,the reason of her having made this rule may have been to prevent the loss of too much time from her duties1 in the receiving of calls from her friends4 ,,calls ,,after ,,betrothal4 ,when a betrothal takes place and it is formally announced to the relatives and friends on both sides1 calls of congratulation follow4 ,the bridegroom that is to be1 is introduced by the family of the proposed bride to their connections and most intimate friends1 and his family in return introduce her to relatives and acquaintances whom they desire her to know4 ,the simplest way of bringing this about is by the parents leaving the cards of the betrothed1 with their own1 upon all families on their visiting list whom they wish to have the betrothed pair visit4 ,,the ,,cards ,,and ,,calls ,,of ,,strangers4 ,strangers arriving are expected to send their cards to their acquaintances1 bearing their direction1 as an announcement that they are in the city4 ,this rule is often neglected1 but1 unless it is observed1 strangers may be a long time in town without their presence being known4 ,,returning ,a ,,first ,,call4 ,a first call ought to be returned within three or four days4 ,a longer delay than a week is considered an intimation that you are unwilling to accept the new acquaintance1 unless some excuse for the remissness is made4 ,,forming ,,acquaintance4 ,in an event of exchange of calls between two ladies1 without meeting1 who are known to each other only by sight1 they should upon the first opportunity1 make themselves acquainted with one another4 ,the younger should seek the older1 or the one who has been the recipient of the first attention should introduce herself1 or seek an introduction1 but it is not necessary to stand upon ceremony on such points4 ,ladies knowing each other by sight1 bow1 after an exchange of cards4 ,,the ,,first ,,call4 ,when it becomes a question as to who shall call first1 between old residents1 the older should take the initiatory4 ,ladies1 who have been in the habit of meeting for sometime without exchanging calls1 sometimes say to each other3 ,i hope you will come and see me6 and often the answer is made3 ,oh1 you must come and see me first6 ,that answer could only be given1 with propriety1 by a lady who is much the older of the two4 ,the lady who extends the invitation makes the first advance1 and the one who receives it should at least say3 ,i thank you--you are very kind1 and then accept the invitation or not1 as it pleases her4 ,it is the custom for residents to make the first call upon strangers4 ,,calls ,,of ,,congratulation4 ,calls of congratulation are made when any happy or auspicious event may have occurred in the family visited--such as a birth1 marriage1 or any piece of good fortune4 ,such visits may be made either similar to the morning or the evening call4 ,such visits may also be made upon the appointment of friends to any important office or honored position1 or when a friend has distinguished himself by a notable public address or oration4 ,p4,p4,c4 ,,calls4 ,when persons are going abroad to be absent for a considerable period1 if they have not time or inclination to take leave of all their friends by making formal calls1 they will send to each of their friends a card with the letters ,p4,p4,c4 written upon it4 ,they are the initials of ,pour ,prendre ,conge--to take leave--and may with propriety stand for presents parting compliments4 ,on returning home1 it is customary that friends should first call upon them4 ,a neglect to do so1 unless for some good excuse1 is sufficient cause to drop their acquaintance4 ,in taking leave of a family1 you send as many cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary visit4 ,,visits ,,of ,,condolence4 ,visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event which occasioned them2 but if the acquaintance be slight1 immediately after the family appear at public worship4 ,a card should be sent in1 and if your friends are able to receive you1 your manners and conversation should be in harmony with the character of your visit4 ,it is deemed courteous to send in a mourning card2 and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel4 ,it denotes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family1 and a warm1 heartfelt sympathy is always appreciated4 ,,evening ,,visits4 ,evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted4 ,they should not be frequent1 even where one is intimate1 nor should they be protracted to a great length4 ,frequent visits are apt to become tiresome to your friends or acquaintances1 and long visits may entitle you to the appellation of bore4 ,if you should happen to pay an evening visit at a house where a small party had assembled1 unknown to you1 present yourself and converse for a few minutes with an unembarrassed air1 after which you may leave1 pleading as an excuse that you had only intended to make a short call4 ,an invitation to stay and spend the evening1 given for the sake of courtesy1 should not be accepted4 ,if urged very strongly to remain1 and the company is an informal gathering1 you may with propriety consent to do so4 ,,keep ,,an ,,account ,,of ,,calls4 ,a person should keep a strict account of ceremonial calls1 and take note of how soon calls are returned4 ,by doing so1 an opinion can be formed as to how frequently visits are desired4 ,instances may occur1 when1 in consequence of age or ill health1 calls should be made without any reference to their being returned4 ,it must be remembered that nothing must interrupt the discharge of this duty4 ,,calls ,,of ,,ceremony ,,among ,,friends4 ,among relatives and friends1 calls of mere ceremony are unnecessary4 ,it is1 however1 needful to make suitable calls1 and to avoid staying too long1 if your friend is engaged4 ,the courtesies of society should be maintained among the nearest friends1 and even the domestic circle4 ,,engaged ,,or ,,not ,,at ,,home4 ,if a lady is so employed that she cannot receive callers she should charge the servant who goes to answer the bell to say that she is engaged or not at home4 ,this will prove sufficient with all well-bred people4 ,the servant should have her orders to say engaged or not at home before any one has called1 so that the lady shall avoid all risk of being obliged to inconvenience herself in receiving company when she has intended to deny herself4 ,if there are to be exceptions made in favor of any individual or individuals1 mention their names specially to the servant1 adding that you will see them if they call1 but to all others you are engaged4 ,a lady should always be dressed sufficiently well to receive company1 and not keep them waiting while she is making her toilet4 ,a well-bred person always endeavors to receive visitors at whatever time they call1 or whoever they may be1 but there are times when it is impossible to do so1 and then1 of course1 a servant is instructed beforehand to say not at home to the visitor4 ,if1 however1 the servant admits the visitor and he is seated in the drawing room or parlor1 it is the duty of the hostess to receive him or her at whatever inconvenience it may be to herself4 ,when you call upon persons1 and are informed at the door that the parties whom you ask for are engaged1 you should never insist in an attempt to be admitted1 but should acquiesce at once in any arrangements which they have made for their convenience1 and to protect themselves from interruption4 ,however intimate you may be in any house you have no right1 when an order has been given to exclude general visitors1 and no exception has been made of you1 to violate that exclusion1 and declare that the party should be at home to you4 ,there are times and seasons when a person desires to be left entirely alone1 and at such times there is no friendship for which she would give up her occupation or her solitude4 ,,general ,,rules ,,regarding ,,calls4 ,a gentleman in making a formal call should retain his hat and gloves in his hand on entering the room4 ,the hat should not be laid upon a table or stand1 but kept in the hand1 unless it is found necessary from some cause to set it down4 ,in that case1 place it upon the floor4 ,an umbrella should be left in the hall4 ,in an informal evening call1 the hat1 gloves1 overcoat and cane may be left in the hall4 ,a lady1 in making a call1 may bring a stranger1 even a gentleman1 with her1 without previous permission4 ,a gentleman1 however1 should never take the same liberty4 ,no one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is found dressed ready to go out4 ,a lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than for an ordinary walk4 ,a lady should never call upon a gentleman except upon some business1 officially or professionally4 ,never allow young children1 dogs or pets of any sort to accompany you in a call4 ,they often prove disagreeable and troublesome4 ,two persons out of one family1 or at most three1 are all that should call together4 ,it is not customary in cities to offer refreshments to callers4 ,in the country1 where the caller has come from some distance1 it is exceedingly hospitable to do so4 ,calls in the country may be less ceremonious and of longer duration1 than those made in the city4 ,a person making a call should not1 while waiting for a hostess1 touch an open piano1 walk about the room examining pictures1 nor handle any ornament in the room4 ,if there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend1 the acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early date4 ,never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon whom you have called1 but wait for an invitation to do so4 ,in receiving morning calls1 it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside any employment1 not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to be engaged4 ,embroidery1 crocheting or light needle-work are perfectly in harmony with the requirements of the hour1 and the lady looks much better employed than in absolute idleness4 ,a lady should pay equal attention to all her guests4 ,the display of unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or reputation or advanced age justifies it4 ,a guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess4 ,a gentleman should never seat himself on a sofa beside her1 nor in a chair in immediate proximity1 unless she specially invites him to do so4 ,a lady need not lay aside her bonnet during a formal call1 even though urged to do so4 ,if the call be a friendly and unceremonious one1 she may do so if she thinks proper1 but not without an invitation4 ,a gentleman caller must not look at his watch during a call1 unless1 in doing so1 he pleads some engagement and asks to be excused4 ,formal calls are generally made twice a year2 but only once a year is binding1 when no invitations have been received that require calls in return4 ,in calling upon a person living at a hotel or boarding-house1 it is customary to stop in the parlor and send your card to the room of the person called upon4 ,when a person has once risen to take leave1 he should not be persuaded to prolong his stay4 ,callers should take special pains to make their visits opportune4 ,on the other hand1 a lady should always receive her callers1 at whatever hour or day they come1 if it is possible to do so4 ,when a gentleman has called and not found the lady at home1 it is civility on the part of the lady1 upon the occasion of their next meeting1 to express her regret at not seeing him4 ,he should reciprocate the regret1 and not reply unthinkingly or awkwardly3 ,oh1 it made no particular difference1 it was of no great consequence1 or words to that effect4 ,after you have visited a friend at her country seat1 or after receiving an invitation to visit her1 a call is due her upon her return to her town residence4 ,this is one of the occasions when a call should be made promptly and in person1 unless you have a reason for wishing to discontinue the acquaintance2 even then it would be more civil to take another opportunity for dropping a friend who wished to show a civility1 unless her character has been irretrievably lost in the meantime4 ,,new-,,year',s ,,calls4 ,the custom of ,new-,year's calling is prevalent in all cities1 and most villages in the country1 and so agreeable a custom is it1 that it is becoming more in favor every year4 ,this is the day when gentlemen keep up their acquaintanceship with ladies and families1 some of whom they are unable to see1 probably1 during the whole year4 ,of late it has been customary in many cities to publish in one or more newspapers1 a day or two before ,new ,years1 a list of the ladies who will receive calls on that day1 and from this list gentlemen arrange their calls4 ,for convenience and to add to the pleasure of the day1 several ladies frequently unite in receiving calls at the residence of one of their number1 but this is usually done when only one or two members of a family can receive4 ,where there are several members of a family1 who can do so1 they usually receive at their own home4 ,gentlemen call either singly1 in couples1 by threes or fours and sometimes even more1 in carriages or on foot1 as they choose4 ,calls commence about ten o'clock in the morning1 and continue until about nine in the evening4 ,when the gentlemen go in parties1 they call upon the lady friends of each1 and if all are not acquainted1 those who are1 introduce the others4 ,the length of a call is usually from five to fifteen minutes1 but it is often governed by circumstances1 and may be prolonged to even an hour4 ,refreshments are usually provided for the callers1 and should always be offered1 but it is not necessary that they should be accepted4 ,if not accepted1 an apology should be tendered1 with thanks for the offer4 ,the refreshments may consist of oysters1 raw or scalloped1 cold meats1 salads1 fruits1 cakes1 sandwiches1 etc41 and hot tea and coffee4 ,when callers are ushered into the reception-room1 they are met by the ladies1 when introductions are given1 and the callers are invited to remove their overcoats1 but it is optional with them whether they do so or not4 ,it is also optional with them whether they remove their gloves4 ,when gentlemen are introduced to ladies in making ,new-,year's calls1 they are not thereby warranted in calling again upon any of these ladies1 unless especially invited to do so4 ,it is the lady's pleasure whether the acquaintance shall be maintained4 ,in making ,new-,year's calls1 a gentleman leaves one card1 whatever may be the number of ladies receiving with the hostess4 ,if there is a basket at the door1 he leaves a card for each of the ladies at the house1 including lady guests of the family1 provided there are any4 ,the ,new-,year's card should not differ from an ordinary calling card4 ,it should be plain1 with the name engraved1 or printed in neat script4 ,it is not now considered in good taste to have ,happy ,new ,year or other words upon it1 unless it may be the residence of the gentleman1 which may be printed or written in the right hand corner1 if deemed desirable4 ,a gentleman does not make calls the first ,new-,year's after his marriage1 but receives at home with his wife4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,etiquette of ,visiting4 ,some of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from one's own home1 and accepting the hospitalities of friends1 are here given1 and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike4 ,,general ,,invitations4 ,no one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit4 ,do come and spend some time with me may be said with all earnestness and cordiality1 but to give the invitation real meaning the date should be definitely fixed and the length of time stated4 ,a person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected4 ,his friends may be absent from home1 or their house may be already full1 or they may not have made arrangements for visitors4 ,from these and other causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival4 ,it would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom of giving general invitations1 which really mean nothing1 and be scrupulous to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a given period4 ,,limit ,,of ,a ,,prolonged ,,visit4 ,if no exact length of time is specified1 it is well for visitors to limit a visit to three days or a week1 according to the degree of intimacy they may have with the family1 or the distance they have come to pay the visit1 announcing this limitation soon after arrival1 so that the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation of the stay if they desire it1 or so that they can make their arrangements in accordance4 ,one never likes to ask of a guest1 ,how long do you intend to remain8 yet it is often most desirable to know4 ,,true ,,hospitality4 ,offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms1 and express no regrets1 and make no excuses that you have nothing better to give them4 ,try to make your guests feel at home2 and do this1 not by urging them in empty words to do so1 but by making their stay as pleasant as possible1 at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause you4 ,devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the amusement and entertainment of your guests4 ,,duties ,,of ,,the ,,visitor4 ,on the other hand1 the visitor should try to conform as much as possible to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him4 ,he should never object to the hours at which meals are served1 nor should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting on his account4 ,it is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the morning1 or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of his own1 without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess2 for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be attended to at this portion of the day1 in order to leave the balance of the time free for the entertainment of their guests4 ,if any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the knowledge of the guest during his stay1 he must seem both blind and deaf1 and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of them first4 ,the rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests as much at ease as possible2 that on which a visitor should act is to interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house4 ,it is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the entertainment of her guests4 ,the latter may prefer to be left to their own devices for a portion of the day4 ,on the other hand1 it shows the worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself from the family and seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to join in them or entertain him4 ,you should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you are visiting4 ,if they propose to you to ride1 to drive or walk1 you should acquiesce as far as your strength will permit1 and do your best to seem pleased at the efforts made to entertain you4 ,you should not accept invitations without consulting your host4 ,you should not call upon the servants to do errands for you1 or to wait upon you too much1 nor keep the family up after hours of retiring4 ,if you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends1 while partaking of their hospitality1 it should never be mentioned1 either while you are under their roof or afterwards4 ,speak only of what redounds to their praise and credit4 ,this feeling ought to be mutual between host and guest4 ,whatever good is observed in either may be commented upon1 but the curtain of silence must be drawn over their faults4 ,give as little trouble as possible when a guest1 but at the same time never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your visit may occasion4 ,it would imply that you thought your friends incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to themselves4 ,keep your room as neat as possible1 and leave no articles of dress or toilet around to give trouble to servants4 ,a lady guest will not hesitate to make her own bed1 if few or no servants are kept2 and in the latter case she will do whatever else she can to lighten the labors of her hostess as a return for the additional exertion her visit occasions4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,guests4 ,any invitation given to a lady guest should also include the hostess1 and the guest is justified in declining to accept any invitation unless the hostess is also invited4 ,invitations received by the hostess should include the guest4 ,thus1 at all places of amusement and entertainment1 guest and host may be together4 ,,forbearance ,,with ,,children4 ,a guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of the children in the household where visiting1 and should put up with any of their faults1 and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable actions on their part4 ,,guests ,,making ,,presents4 ,if a guest wishes to make a present to any member of the family she is visiting1 it should be to the hostess1 or if to any of the children1 to the youngest in preference1 though it is usually better to give it to the mother4 ,upon returning home1 when the guest writes to the hostess1 she expresses her thanks for the hospitality1 and requests to be remembered to the family4 ,,treatment ,,of ,a ,,host',s ,,friends4 ,if you are a guest1 you must be very cautious as to the treatment of the friends of your host or hostess4 ,if you do not care to be intimate with them1 you must be careful not to show a dislike for them1 or that you wish to avoid them4 ,you must be exceedingly polite and agreeable to them1 avoiding any special familiarity1 and keep them at a distance without hurting their feelings4 ,do not say to your host or hostess that you do not like any of their friends4 ,,leave-,,taking4 ,upon taking leave1 express the pleasure you have experienced in your visit4 ,upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform your friends of your safe arrival1 at the same time repeating your thanks4 ,a host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend agreeable2 they should urge him to stay as long as it is consistent with his own plans1 and at the same time convenient to themselves4 ,but when the time for departure has been fully fixed upon1 no obstacle should be placed in the way of leave-taking4 ,help him in every possible way to depart1 at the same time giving him a cordial invitation to renew the visit at some future period4 ,welcome the coming1 speed the parting1 guest1 expresses the true spirit of hospitality4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,visiting and ,calling ,cards4 ,an authentic writer upon visiting cards says3 ,to the unrefined or underbred1 the visiting card is but a trifling and insignificant bit of paper2 but to the cultured disciple of social law1 it conveys a subtle and unmistakable intelligence4 ,its texture1 style of engraving1 and even the hour of leaving it combine to place the stranger1 whose name it bears1 in a pleasant or a disagreeable attitude1 even before his manners1 conversation and face have been able to explain his social position4 ,the higher the civilization of a community1 the more careful it is to preserve the elegance of its social forms4 ,it is quite as easy to express a perfect breeding in the fashionable formalities of cards1 as by any other method1 and perhaps1 indeed1 it is the safest herald of an introduction for a stranger4 ,its texture should be fine1 its engraving a plain script1 its size neither too small1 so that its recipients shall say to themselves1 ',a whimsical person1' nor too large to suggest ostentation4 ,refinement seldom touches extremes in anything4 ,,calling ,,cards4 ,a card used in calling should have nothing upon it but the name of the caller4 ,a lady's card should not bear her place of residence2 such cards having1 of late1 been appropriated by the members of the demi-monde4 ,the street and number always look better upon the card of the husband than upon that of the wife4 ,when necessary1 they can be added in pencil on the cards of the wife and daughter4 ,a business card should never be used for a friendly call4 ,a physician may put the prefix ,dr41 or the affix ,m4,d41 upon his card1 and an army or navy officer his rank and branch of service4 ,,wedding ,,cards4 ,wedding cards are only sent to those people whom the newly married couple desire to keep among their acquaintances1 and it is then the duty of those receiving the cards to call first on the young couple4 ,an ancient custom1 but one which has been recently revived1 is for the friends of the bride and groom to send cards2 these are of great variety in size and design1 and resemble ,christmas or ,easter cards but are usually more artistic4 ,,christmas ,,and ,,easter ,,cards4 ,a very charming custom that is coming into vogue is the giving or sending of ,easter and ,christmas cards4 ,these are of such elegant designs and variety of colors that the stationer takes great pride in decorating his shop windows with them2 indeed some of them are so elegant as to resemble oil paintings4 ,books and other small offerings may accompany cards as a token of remembrance4 ,,cards ,,to ,,serve ,,for ,,calls4 ,a person may make a card serve the purpose of a call1 and it may either be sent in an envelope1 by messenger or left in person4 ,if left in person1 one corner should be turned down4 ,to indicate that a call is made on all or several members of the family2 the card for the lady of the house is folded in the middle4 ,if guests are visiting at the house1 a card is left for each guest4 ,,enclosing ,a ,,card ,,in ,,an ,,envelope4 ,to return a call made in person with a card inclosed in an envelope1 is an intimation that visiting between the parties is ended4 ,those who leave or send their cards with no such intention1 should not inclose them in an envelope4 ,an exception to this rule is where they are sent in return to the newly married living in other cities1 or in answering wedding cards forwarded when absent from home4 ,p4,p4,c4 cards are also sent in this way1 and are the only cards that it is as yet universally considered admissible to send by post4 ,,size ,,and ,,style ,,of ,,visiting ,,or ,,calling ,,cards4 ,a medium sized is in better taste than a very large card for married persons4 ,cards bearing the name of the husband alone are smaller4 ,the cards of unmarried men should also be small4 ,the engraving in simple writing is preferred1 and without flourishes4 ,nothing in cards can be more commonplace than large printed letters1 be the type what it may4 ,young men should dispense with the ,mr4 before their names4 ,illustration3 ,,calling ,,cards4 ,,corners ,,of ,,cards ,,turned ,,down4 ,the signification of turning down the corners of cards are3 ,visite--,the right hand upper corner4 ,felicitation--,the left hand upper corner4 ,condolence--,the left hand lower corner4 ,p4,p4,c4 ,to ,take ,leave ,the right hand lower corner4 ,card1 right hand end turned down--,delivered in ,person4 ,,card ,,for ,,mother ,,and ,,daughter4 ,the name of young ladies are sometimes printed or engraved on their mother's cards2 both in script4 ,it is1 of course1 allowable1 for the daughter to have cards of her own4 ,some ladies have adopted the fashion of having the daughter's name on the same card with their own and their husband's names4 ,,glazed ,,cards4 ,glazed cards are quite out of fashion1 as are cards and note paper with gilt edges4 ,the fashion in cards1 however1 change so often1 that what is in style one year1 may not be the next4 ,p4,p4,c4 ,,cards4 ,a card left at a farewell visit1 before a long protracted absence1 has ,p4,p4,c4 7,pour ,prendre ,conge7 written in one corner4 ,it is not necessary to deliver such cards in person1 for they may be sent by a messenger1 or by post if necessary4 ,p4,p4,c4 cards are not left when the absence from home is only for a few months1 nor by persons starting in mid-summer for a foreign country1 as residents are then supposed to be out of town4 ,they are sent to or left with friends by ladies just previous to their contemplated marriage to serve the purpose of a call4 ,,cards ,,of ,,congratulation4 ,cards of congratulation must be left in person1 or a congratulatory note1 if desired1 can be made to serve instead of a call2 excepting upon the newly married4 ,calls in person are due to them1 and to the parents who have invited you to the marriage4 ,when there has been a reception after the ceremony1 which you have been unable to attend1 but have sent cards by some member of your family1 your cards need not again represent you until they have been returned1 with the new residence announced2 but a call is due to the parents or relatives who have given the reception4 ,when no wedding cards are sent you1 nor the card of the bridegroom1 you cannot call without being considered intrusive4 ,one month after the birth of a child the call of congratulation is made by acquaintances4 ,,leave ,,cards ,,in ,,making ,,first ,,call4 ,in making the first calls of the season 7in the autumn7 both ladies and gentlemen should leave a card each1 at every house called upon1 even if the ladies are receiving4 ,the reason of this is that where a lady is receiving morning calls1 it would be too great a tax upon her memory to oblige her to keep in mind what calls she has to return or which of them have been returned1 and in making out lists for inviting informally1 it is often the card-stand which is first searched for bachelors' cards1 to meet the emergency4 ,young men should be careful to write their street and number on their cards4 ,,leave ,,cards ,,after ,,an ,,invitation4 ,after an invitation1 cards must be left upon those who have sent it1 whether it is accepted or not4 ,they must be left in person1 and if it is desired to end the acquaintance the cards can be left without inquiring whether the ladies are at home4 ,gentlemen should not expect to receive invitations from ladies with whom they are only on terms of formal visiting1 until the yearly or autumnal call has been made1 or until their cards have been left to represent themselves4 ,,cards ,,in ,,memoriam4 ,these are a loving tribute to the memory of the departed2 an ,english custom rapidly gaining favor with us2 it announces to friends the death1 of which they might remain in ignorance but for this mark of respect3 ,illustration3 ,george ,a4 ,custer ,lieutenant-,colonel ,seventh ,cavalry1 ,brevet ,major-,general ,united ,states ,army1 ,born ,december #eth1 #ahci1 ,harrison ,county1 ,ohio1 ,killed1 with his entire ,command1 in the ,battle of ,little ,big ,horn1 ,june #beth1 #ahgf4 99 99 99 99 99 ,oh1 ,custer--,gallant ,custer6 man fore-doomed ,go ride1 like ,rupert1 spurred and waving-plumed1 ,into the very jaws of death4 ,,cards ,,of ,,condolence4 ,cards of condolence left by mere acquaintances must be returned by mourning cards before such persons feel at liberty to make a call4 ,when the bereaved are ready to receive calls 7instead of the cards7 of their acquaintances1 mourning cards in envelopes1 or otherwise1 are returned to all those who have left their cards since the death1 which was the occasion of the cards being left4 ,intimate friends1 of course1 do not wait for cards1 but continue their calls1 without regard to any ceremonious observances made for the protection of the bereaved4 ,acquaintances leaving cards should inquire after the health of the family1 leaving the cards in person4 ,,mourning ,,cards4 ,on announcement of a death it is correct to call in person at the door2 to make inquiries and leave your card1 with lower left hand corner turned down4 ,unless close intimacy exists1 it is not usage to ask to see the afflicted4 ,cards can be sent to express sympathy1 but notes of condolence are permissible only from intimate friends4 ,a ,,bridegroom',s ,,card4 ,when only the family and the most intimate friends of a bride and bridegroom have been included in the invitation for the marriage1 or where there has been no reception after the marriage at church1 the bridegroom often sends his bachelor card 7inclosed in an envelope7 to those of his acquaintances with whom he wishes to continue on visiting terms4 ,those who receive a card should call on the bride1 within ten days after she has taken possession of her home4 ,some persons have received such a card as an intimation that the card was to end the acquaintance4 ,this mistake shows the necessity of a better understanding of social customs4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,conversation4 ,the character of a person is revealed by his conversation as much as by any one quality he possesses1 for strive as he may he cannot always be acting4 ,,importance ,,of ,,conversing ,,well4 ,to be able to converse well is an attainment which should be cultivated by every intelligent man and woman4 ,it is better to be a good talker than a good singer or musician1 because the former is more widely appreciated1 and the company of a person who is able to talk well on a great variety of subjects1 is much sought after4 ,the importance1 therefore1 of cultivating the art of conversation1 cannot easily be over-estimated4 ,it should be the aim of all intelligent persons to acquire the habit of talking sensibly and with facility upon all topics of general interest to society1 so that they may both interest others and be themselves interested1 in whatever company they may chance to be thrown4 ,,training ,,children4 ,the training for this should be commenced in early childhood4 ,parents should not only encourage their children to express themselves freely upon everything that attracts their attention and interests them1 but they should also incite their faculties of perception1 memory and close observation1 by requiring them to recount everything1 even to its minutest details1 that they may have observed in walking to and from school1 or in taking a ride in a carriage or in the cars4 ,by training a child to a close observation of everything he meets or passes1 his mind becomes very active1 and the habit having once been acquired1 he becomes interested in a great variety of objects2 sees more and enjoys more than one who has not been so trained4 ,,cultivating ,,the ,,memory4 ,a good memory is an invaluable aid in acquiring the art of conversation1 and the cultivation and training of this faculty is a matter of importance4 ,early youth is the proper time to begin this training1 and parents and teachers should give special attention to the cultivation of memory4 ,when children are taken to church1 or to hear a lecture1 they should be required to relate or to write down from memory1 such a digest of the sermon or lecture as they can remember4 ,adults may also adopt this plan for cultivating the memory1 and they will be surprised to find how continued practice in this will improve this faculty4 ,the practice of taking notes impairs rather than aids the memory1 for then a person relies almost entirely in the notes taken1 and does not tax the memory sufficiently4 ,a person should also train himself to remember the names of persons whom he becomes acquainted with1 so as to recall them whenever or wherever he may subsequently meet them4 ,it is related of a large wholesale boot and shoe merchant of an eastern city1 that he was called upon one day by one of his best customers1 residing in a distant city1 whom he had frequently met1 but whose name1 at the time1 he could not recall1 and received his order for a large bill of goods4 ,as he was about to leave1 the merchant asked his name1 when the customer indignantly replied that he supposed he was known by a man from whom he had purchased goods for many years1 and countermanding his order1 he left the store1 deaf to all attempts at explanation4 ,though this may be an extreme case1 it illustrates the importance of remembering the names of people when circumstances require it4 ,,henry ,,clay',s ,,memory ,,of ,,names4 ,one secret of ,henry ,clay's popularity as a politician was his faculty of remembering the names of persons he had met4 ,it is said of him that if he was once introduced to a person1 he was ever afterwards able to call him by name1 and recount the circumstances of their first meeting4 ,this faculty he cultivated after he entered upon the practice of law in ,kentucky1 and soon after he began his political life4 ,at that time his memory for names was very poor1 and he resolved to improve it4 ,he adopted the practice1 just before retiring at night1 of recalling the names of all the persons he had met during the day1 writing them in a note book1 and repeating over the list the next morning4 ,by this practice1 he acquired in time1 his wonderful faculty in remembering the names of persons he had become acquainted with4 ,,writing ,,as ,,an ,,aid ,,to ,,correct ,,talking4 ,to converse correctly--to use correct language in conversation--is also a matter of importance1 and while this can be acquired by a strict attention to grammatical rules1 it can be greatly facilitated by the habit of writing down one's thoughts4 ,in writing1 strict regard is1 or should be1 paid to the correct use of language1 and when a person1 from constant writing1 acquires the habit of using correct language1 this habit will follow him in talking4 ,a person who is accustomed to much writing1 will always be found to use language correctly in speaking4 ,,requisites ,,for ,a ,,good ,,talker4 ,to be a good talker then1 one should be possessed of much general information1 acquired by keen observation1 attentive listening1 a good memory1 extensive reading and study1 logical habits of thought1 and have a correct knowledge of the use of language4 ,he should also aim at a clear intonation1 well chosen phraseology and correct accent4 ,these acquirements are within the reach of every person of ordinary ability1 who has a determination to possess them1 and the energy and perseverance to carry out that determination4 ,,vulgarisms4 ,in conversation1 one must scrupulously guard against vulgarisms4 ,simplicity and terseness of language are the characteristics of a well educated and highly cultivated person4 ,it is the uneducated or those who are but half educated1 who use long words and high-sounding phrases4 ,a hyperbolical way of speaking is mere flippancy1 and should be avoided4 ,such phrases as awfully pretty1 immensely jolly1 abominably stupid1 disgustingly mean1 are of this nature1 and should be avoided4 ,awkwardness of attitude is equally as bad as awkwardness of speech4 ,lolling1 gesticulating1 fidgeting1 handling an eye-glass or watch chain and the like1 give an air of gaucherie1 and take off a certain percentage from the respect of others4 ,,listening4 ,the habit of listening with interest and attention is one which should be specially cultivated4 ,even if the talker is prosy and prolix1 the well-bred person will appear interested1 and at appropriate intervals make such remarks as shall show that he has heard and understood all that has been said4 ,some superficial people are apt to style this hypocrisy2 but if it is1 it is certainly a commendable hypocrisy1 directly founded on that strict rule of good manners which commands us to show the same courtesy to others that we hope to receive ourselves4 ,we are commanded to check our impulses1 conceal our dislikes1 and even modify our likings whenever or wherever these are liable to give offense or pain to others4 ,the person who turns away with manifest displeasure1 disgust or want of interest when another is addressing him1 is guilty not only of an ill-bred1 but a cruel act4 ,,flippancy4 ,in conversation all provincialism1 affectations of foreign accents1 mannerisms1 exaggerations and slang are detestable4 ,equally to be avoided are inaccuracies of expression1 hesitation1 an undue use of foreign words1 and anything approaching to flippancy1 coarseness1 triviality or provocation4 ,gentlemen sometimes address ladies in a very flippant manner1 which the latter are obliged to pass over without notice1 for various reasons1 while inwardly they rebel4 ,many a worthy man has done himself an irreparable injury by thus creating a lasting prejudice in the minds of those whom he might have made his friends1 had he addressed them as though he considered them rational beings1 capable of sustaining their part in a conversation upon sensible subjects4 ,flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual smile1 the wandering eye1 the vacant stare1 and the half-opened mouth of the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation4 ,,be ,,sympathetic ,,and ,,animated4 ,do not go into society unless you make up your mind to be sympathetic1 unselfish1 animating1 as well as animated4 ,society does not require mirth1 but it does demand cheerfulness and unselfishness1 and you must help to make and sustain cheerful conversation4 ,the manner of conversation is as important as the matter4 ,,compliments4 ,compliments are said by some to be inadmissible4 ,but between equals1 or from those of superior position to those of inferior station1 compliments should be not only acceptable but gratifying4 ,it is pleasant to know that our friends think well of us1 and it is always agreeable to know that we are thought well of by those who hold higher positions1 such as men of superior talent1 or women of superior culture4 ,compliments which are not sincere1 are only flattery and should be avoided2 but the saying of kind things1 which is natural to the kind heart1 and which confers pleasure1 should be cultivated1 at least not suppressed4 ,those parents who strive most for the best mode of training their children are said to have found that it is never wise to censure them for a fault1 without preparing the way by some judicious mention of their good qualities4 ,,slang4 ,all slang is vulgar4 ,it lowers the tone of society and the standard of thought4 ,it is a great mistake to suppose that slang is in any manner witty4 ,only the very young or the uncultivated so consider it4 ,,flattery4 ,do not be guilty of flattery4 ,the flattery of those richer than ourselves or better born is vulgar1 and born of rudeness1 and is sure to be received as emanating from unworthy motives4 ,testify your respect1 your admiration1 and your gratitude by deeds more than words4 ,words are easy but deeds are difficult4 ,few will believe the former1 but the latter will carry confirmation with them4 ,,scandal ,,and ,,gossip4 ,scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities4 ,envy prompts the tongue of the slanderer4 ,jealousy is the disturber of the harmony of all interests4 ,a writer on this subject says3 ,gossip is a troublesome sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears and never bites deep2 slander is the beast of prey that leaps upon you from its den and tears you in pieces4 ,slander is the proper object of rage2 gossip of contempt4 ,those who best understand the nature of gossip and slander1 if the victims of both1 will take no notice of the former1 but will allow no slander of themselves to go unrefuted during their lifetime1 to spring up in a hydra-headed attack upon their children4 ,no woman can be too sensitive as to any charges affecting her moral character1 whether in the influence of her companionship1 or in the influence of her writings4 ,,religion ,,and ,,politics4 ,religion and politics are topics that should never be introduced into general conversation1 for they are subjects dangerous to harmony4 ,persons are most likely to differ1 and least likely to preserve their tempers on these topics4 ,long arguments in general company1 however entertaining to the disputants1 are very tiresome to the hearers4 ,,satire ,,and ,,ridicule4 ,young persons appear ridiculous when satirizing or ridiculing books1 people or things4 ,opinions to be worth the consideration of others should have the advantage of coming from mature persons4 ,cultivated people are not in the habit of resorting to such weapons as satire and ridicule4 ,they find too much to correct in themselves to indulge in coarse censure of the conduct of others1 who may not have had advantages equal to their own4 ,,titles4 ,in addressing persons with titles always add the name2 as what do you think of it1 ,doctor ,hayes8 not what do you think of it1 ,doctor8 ,in speaking of foreigners the reverse of the ,english rule is observed4 ,no matter what the title of a ,frenchman is1 he is always addressed as ,monsieur1 and you never omit the word ,madame1 whether addressing a duchess or a dressmaker4 ,the former is ,madame la ,duchesse1 the latter plain ,madame4 ,always give a foreigner his title4 ,if ,general ,sherman travels in ,europe and is received by the best classes with the dignity that his worth1 culture and position as an ,american general demand1 he will never be called ,mr4 ,sherman1 but his title will invariably precede his name4 ,there are persons who fancy that the omission of the title is annoying to the party who possesses it1 but this is not the ground taken why the title should be given1 but because it reveals either ignorance or ill-breeding on the part of those omitting it4 ,,christian ,,names4 ,there is a class of persons1 who from ignorance of the customs of good society1 or from carelessness1 speak of persons by their ,christian names1 who are neither relations nor intimate friends4 ,this is a familiarity which1 outside of the family circle1 and beyond friends of the closest intimacy1 is never indulged in by the well-bred4 ,,interruption4 ,interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against good-breeding4 ,it has been aptly said that if you interrupt a speaker in the middle of a sentence1 you act almost as rudely as if1 when walking with a companion1 you were to thrust yourself before him and stop his progress4 ,,adaptability ,,in ,,conversation4 ,the great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation1 as skillfully as may be1 to your company4 ,some men make a point of talking commonplace to all ladies alike1 as if a woman could only be a trifler4 ,others1 on the contrary1 seem to forget in what respects the education of a lady differs from that of a gentleman1 and commit the opposite error of conversing on topics with which ladies are seldom acquainted1 and in which few1 if any1 are ever interested4 ,a woman of sense has as much right to be annoyed by the one1 as a woman of ordinary education by the other4 ,if you really wish to be thought agreeable1 sensible1 amiable1 unselfish and even well-informed1 you should lead the way1 in tete-a-tete conversations1 for sportsmen to talk of their shooting1 a mother to talk of her children1 a traveler of his journeys and the countries he has visited1 a young lady of her last ball and the prospective ones1 an artist of his picture and an author of his book4 ,to show any interest in the immediate concerns of people is very complimentary1 and when not in general society one is privileged to do this4 ,people take more interest in their own affairs than in anything else you can name1 and if you manifest an interest to hear1 there are but few who will not sustain conversation by a narration of their affairs in some form or another4 ,thackeray says3 ,be interested by other people and by their affairs4 ,it is because you yourself are selfish that that other person's self does not interest you4 ,,correct ,,use ,,of ,,words4 ,the correct use of words is indispensable to a good talker who would escape the unfavorable criticism of an educated listener4 ,there are many words and phrases1 used in some cases by persons who have known better1 but who have become careless from association with others who make constant use of them4 ,because that and but that should never be used in connection1 the word that being entirely superfluous4 ,the word vocation is often used for avocation4 ,unhealthy food is spoken of when it should be unwholesome4 ,had not ought to is sometimes heard for ought not to2 banister for baluster2 handsful and spoonsful for handfuls and spoonfuls2 it was him for it was he2 it was me for it was ,i2 whom do you think was there8 for who do you think was there82 a mutual friend for a common friend2 like ,i did instead of as ,i did2 those sort of things instead of this sort of things2 laying down for lying down2 setting on a chair for sitting on a chair2 try and make him instead of try to make him2 she looked charmingly for she looked charming2 loan for lend2 to get along instead of to get on2 cupalo instead of cupola2 who for whom--as1 who did you see for whom did you see2 double negatives1 as1 he did not do neither of those things2 lesser for least2 move instead of remove2 off-set instead of set-off1 and many other words which are often carelessly used by those who have been better taught1 as well as by those who are ignorant of their proper use4 ,,speaking ,,one',s ,,mind4 ,certain honest but unthinking people often commit the grievous mistake of speaking their mind on all occasions and under all circumstances1 and oftentimes to the great mortification of their hearers4 ,and especially do they take credit to themselves for their courage1 if their freedom of speech happens to give offense to any of them4 ,a little reflection ought to show how cruel and unjust this is4 ,the law restrains us from inflicting bodily injury upon those with whom we disagree1 yet there is no legal preventive against this wounding of the feeling of others4 ,,unwise ,,expression ,,of ,,opinion4 ,another class of people1 actuated by the best of intentions1 seem to consider it a duty to parade their opinions upon all occasions1 and in all places without reflecting that the highest truth will suffer from an unwise and over-zealous advocacy4 ,civility requires that we give to the opinions of others the same toleration that we exact for our own1 and good sense should cause us to remember that we are never likely to convert a person to our views when we begin by violating his notions of propriety and exciting his prejudices4 ,a silent advocate of a cause is always better than an indiscreet one4 ,,profanity4 ,no gentleman uses profane language4 ,it is unnecessary to add that no gentleman will use profane language in the presence of a lady4 ,for profanity there is no excuse4 ,it is a low and paltry habit1 acquired from association with low and paltry spirits1 who possess no sense of honor1 no regard for decency and no reverence or respect for beings of a higher moral or religious nature than themselves4 ,the man who habitually uses profane language1 lowers his moral tone with every oath he utters4 ,moreover1 the silliness of the practice1 if no other reason1 should prevent its use by every man of good sense4 ,,public ,,mention ,,of ,,private ,,matters4 ,do not parade merely private matters before a public or mixed assembly or to acquaintances4 ,if strangers really wish to become informed about you or your affairs1 they will find the means to gratify their curiosity without your advising them gratuitously4 ,besides1 personal and family affairs1 no matter how interesting they may be to the parties immediately concerned1 are generally of little moment to outsiders4 ,still less will the well-bred person inquire into or narrate the private affairs of any other family or individual4 ,,ostentatious ,,display ,,of ,,knowledge4 ,in refined and intelligent society one should always display himself at his best1 and make a proper and legitimate use of all such acquirements as he may happen to have4 ,but there should be no ostentatious or pedantic show of erudition4 ,besides being vulgar1 such a show subjects the person to ridicule4 ,,prudery4 ,avoid an affectation of excessive modesty4 ,do not use the word limb for leg4 ,if legs are really improper1 then let us1 on no account1 mention them4 ,but having found it necessary to mention them1 let us by all means give them their appropriate name4 ,,double ,,entendres4 ,no person of decency1 still less of delicacy1 will be guilty of double entendre4 ,a well-bred person always refuses to understand a phrase of doubtful meaning4 ,if the phrase may be interpreted decently1 and with such interpretation would provoke a smile1 then smile to just the degree called for by such interpretation1 and no more4 ,the prudery which sits in solemn and severe rebuke at a double entendre is only second in indelicacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it1 since both must recognize the evil intent4 ,it is sufficient to let it pass unrecognized4 ,,indelicate ,,words ,,and ,,expressions4 ,not so when one hears an indelicate word or expression1 which allows of no possible harmless interpretation4 ,then not the shadow of a smile should flit across the lips4 ,either complete silence should be preserved in return1 or the words1 ,i do not understand you1 be spoken4 ,a lady will always fail to hear that which she should not hear1 or1 having unmistakably heard1 she will not understand4 ,,vulgar ,,exclamations4 ,no lady should make use of any feminine substitute for profanity4 ,the woman who exclaims ,the ,dickens6 or ,mercy6 or ,goodness6 when she is annoyed or astonished1 is as vulgar in spirit1 though perhaps not quite so regarded by society1 as though she had used expressions which it would require but little stretch of the imagination to be regarded as profane4 ,,wit4 ,you may be witty and amusing if you like1 or rather if you can2 but never use your wit at the expense of others4 ,wit's an unruly engine1 wildly striking ,sometimes a friend1 sometimes the engineer2 ,hast thou the knack8 pamper it not with liking2 ,but if thou want it1 buy it not too dear4 ,many affecting wit beyond their power ,have got to be a dear fool for an hour4--,,herbert4 ,,display ,,of ,,emotions4 ,avoid all exhibitions of temper before others1 if you find it impossible to suppress them entirely4 ,all emotions1 whether of grief or joy1 should be subdued in public1 and only allowed full play in the privacy of your own apartments4 ,,impertinent ,,questions4 ,never ask impertinent questions4 ,some authorities in etiquette even go so far as to say that all questions are strictly tabooed4 ,thus1 if you wished to inquire after the health of the brother of your friend1 you would say1 ,i hope your brother is well1 not1 ,how is your brother's health8 ,,the ,,confidence ,,of ,,others4 ,never try to force yourself into the confidence of others2 but if they give you their confidence of their own free will1 let nothing whatever induce you to betray it4 ,never seek to pry into a secret1 and never divulge one4 ,,use ,,of ,,foreign ,,language4 ,do not form the habit of introducing words and phrases of ,french or other foreign languages into common conversation4 ,this is only allowable in writing1 and not then except when the foreign word or phrase expresses more clearly and directly than ,english can do the desired meaning4 ,in familiar conversation this is an affectation1 only pardonable when all persons present are particularly familiar with the language4 ,,pretenses4 ,avoid all pretense at gentility4 ,pass for what you are1 and nothing more4 ,if you are obliged to make any little economies1 do not be ashamed to acknowledge them as economies1 if it becomes necessary to speak of them at all4 ,if you keep no carriage1 do not be over-solicitous to impress upon your friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is because you prefer to walk4 ,do not be ashamed of poverty2 but1 on the other hand1 do not flaunt its rags unmercifully in the faces of others4 ,it is better to say nothing about it1 either in excuse or defense4 ,,dogmatic ,,style ,,of ,,speaking4 ,never speak dogmatically or with an assumption of knowledge or information beyond that of those with whom you are conversing4 ,even if you are conscious of this superiority1 a proper and becoming modesty will lead you to conceal it as far as possible1 that you may not put to shame or humiliation those less fortunate than yourself4 ,if they discover your superiority of their own accord1 they will have much more admiration for you than though you forced the recognition upon them4 ,if they do not discover it1 you cannot force it upon their perceptions1 and they will only hold you in contempt for trying to do so4 ,besides1 there is the possibility that you over-estimate yourself1 and instead of being a wise man you are only a self-sufficient fool4 ,,fault-,,finding4 ,do not be censorious or fault-finding4 ,long and close friendship may sometimes excuse one friend in reproving or criticising another1 but it must always be done in the kindest and gentlest manner1 and in nine cases out of ten had best be left undone4 ,when one is inclined to be censorious or critical1 it is well to remember the scriptural injunction1 ,first cast the beam out of thine own eye1 and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye4 ,,conversing ,,with ,,ladies4 ,a gentleman should never lower the intellectual standard of his conversation in addressing ladies4 ,pay them the compliment of seeming to consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen4 ,you will1 no doubt1 be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the supposition will be grounded on fact1 and in the few instances where it is not1 the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate compliment you pay them4 ,when you come down to commonplace or small-talk with an intelligent lady1 one of two things is the consequence2 she either recognizes the condescension and despises you1 or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you are capable1 and rates you accordingly4 ,,hobbies4 ,people with hobbies are at once the easiest and most difficult persons with whom to engage in conversation4 ,on general subjects they are idealess and voiceless beyond monosyllables4 ,but introduce their special hobby1 and if you choose you need only to listen4 ,there is much profit to be derived from the conversation of these persons4 ,they will give you a clearer idea of the aspects of any subject or theory which they may have taken to heart1 than you could perhaps gain in any other way4 ,the too constant riding of hobbies is not1 however1 to be specially recommended4 ,an individual1 though he may be pardoned in cultivating special tastes1 should yet be possessed of sufficiently broad and general information to be able to converse intelligently on all subjects1 and he should1 as far as possible1 reserve his hobby-riding for exhibition before those who ride hobbies similar to his own4 ,,things ,,to ,,be ,,avoided4 ,it must be remembered that a social gathering should never be made the arena of a dispute4 ,consequently every subject liable to provoke a discussion should be avoided4 ,even slight inaccuracy in a statement of facts or opinions should rarely be remarked on in conversation4 ,do not permit yourself to lose your temper in society1 nor show that you have taken offense at a supposed slight4 ,if anyone should assume a disagreeable tone of voice or offensive manner toward you1 never return it in company1 and1 above all1 do not adopt the same style of conversation with him4 ,appear not to notice it1 and generally it will be discontinued1 as it will be seen that it has failed in its object4 ,avoid all coarseness and undue familiarity in addressing others4 ,a person who makes himself offensively familiar will have few friends4 ,never attack the character of others in their absence2 and if you hear others attacked1 say what you can consistently to defend them4 ,if you are talking on religious subjects1 avoid all cant4 ,cant words and phrases may be used in good faith from the force of habit1 but their use subjects the speaker to a suspicion of insincerity4 ,do not ask the price of articles you observe1 except from intimate friends1 and then very quietly1 and only for some good reason4 ,do not appear to notice an error in language1 either in pronunciation or grammar1 made by the person with whom you are conversing1 and do not repeat correctly the same word or phrase4 ,this would be as ill-bred as to correct it when spoken4 ,mimicry is ill-bred1 and must be avoided4 ,sneering at the private affairs of others has long ago been banished from the conversation of well-mannered people4 ,never introduce unpleasant topics1 nor describe revolting scenes in general company4 ,never give officious advice4 ,even when sought for1 give advice sparingly4 ,never1 directly or indirectly1 refer to the affairs of others1 which it may give them pain in any degree to recall4 ,never hold your companion in conversation by the button-hole4 ,if you are obliged to detain him forcibly in order to say what you wish1 you are pressing upon him what is disagreeable or unwelcome1 and you commit a gross breach of etiquette in so doing4 ,especially avoid contradictions1 interruptions and monopolizing all conversation yourself4 ,these faults are all intolerable and very offensive4 ,to speak to one person in a company in ambiguous terms1 understood by him alone1 is as rude as if you had whispered in his ear4 ,avoid stale and trite remarks on commonplace subjects2 also all egotism and anecdotes of personal adventure and exploit1 unless they should be called out by persons you are conversing with4 ,to make a classical quotation in a mixed company is considered pedantic and out of place1 as is also an ostentatious display of your learning4 ,a gentleman should avoid talking about his business or profession1 unless such matters are drawn from him by the person with whom he is conversing4 ,it is in bad taste1 particularly1 to employ technical or professional terms in general conversation4 ,long arguments or heated discussions are apt to be tiresome to others1 and should be avoided4 ,it is considered extremely ill-bred for two persons to whisper in society1 or to converse in a language with which all persons are not familiar4 ,avoid talking too much1 and do not inflict upon your hearers interminably long stories1 in which they can have but little interest4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,dinner ,giving and ,dining ,out4 ,dining should be ranked among the fine arts4 ,a knowledge of dinner-table etiquette is all important in many respects2 but chiefly in this3 that it is regarded as one of the strong tests of good breeding4 ,dinners are generally looked upon as entertainments for married people and the middle aged1 but it is often desirable to have some young unmarried persons among the guests4 ,,whom ,,to ,,invite4 ,those invited should be of the same standing in society4 ,they need not necessarily be friends1 nor even acquaintances1 but1 at dinner1 as people come into closer contact than at a dance1 or any other kind of a party1 those only should be invited to meet one another who move in the same class of circles4 ,care must1 of course1 be taken that those whom you think agreeable to each other are placed side by side around the festive board4 ,good talkers are invaluable at a dinner party--people who have fresh ideas and plenty of warm words to clothe them in2 but good listeners are equally invaluable4 ,,invitations4 ,invitations to dinner parties are not usually sent by post1 in cities1 and are only answered by post where the distance is such as to make it inconvenient to send the note by hand4 ,they are issued in the name of the gentleman and lady of the house1 from two to ten days in advance4 ,they should be answered as soon as received1 without fail1 as it is necessary that the host and hostess should know who are to be their guests4 ,if the invitation is accepted1 the engagement should1 on no account1 be lightly broken4 ,this rule is a binding one1 as the non-arrival of an expected guest produces disarrangement of plans4 ,gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives1 where other ladies than those of the family are present2 nor ladies without their husbands1 when other ladies are invited with their husbands4 ,this rule has no exceptions4 ,no more than three out of a family should be invited1 unless the dinner party is a very large one4 ,,manner ,,of ,,writing ,,invitations4 ,the invitations should be written on small note paper1 which may have the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it1 but good taste forbids anything more4 ,the envelope should match the sheet of paper4 ,the invitation should be issued in the name of the host and hostess4 ,the form of invitations should be as follows3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,potter request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,barton's company at dinner on ,thursday1 the #acth of ,october at #e o'clock4 ,an answer should be returned at once1 so that if the invitation is declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly4 ,,invitation ,,accepted4 ,an acceptance may be given in the following form1 and may be sent either by post or messenger3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,barton have much pleasure in accepting ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,potter's invitation for ,october #acth4 ,,invitation ,,declined4 ,the invitation is declined in the following manner3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,barton regret that a previous engagement 7or whatever the cause may be7 prevents their having the pleasure of accepting ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,potter's invitation at dinner for ,october #acth4 ,or1 ,illustration3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,barton regret exceedingly that owing to 7whatever the preventing cause may be71 they cannot have the pleasure of dining with ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,potter on ,thursday1 ,october #acth4 ,whatever the cause for declining may be1 it should be stated briefly1 yet plainly1 that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings4 ,,invitation ,,to ,,tea-,,party4 ,the invitation to a tea-party may be less formal4 ,it may take the form of a friendly note1 something in this manner3 ,illustration3 ,dear ,miss ,summer3 ,we have some friends coming to drink tea with us to-morrow3 will you give us the pleasure of your company also8 ,we hope you will not disappoint us4 ,,failing ,,to ,,fill ,,an ,,engagement4 ,when it becomes absolutely necessary to break an engagement once made for dinner or tea1 a note must be sent at once to the hostess and host1 with full explanation of the cause1 so that your place may be supplied1 if possible4 ,,punctuality4 ,the hour generally selected in cities is after business hours1 or from five to eight o'clock4 ,in the country or villages it may be an hour or two earlier4 ,to be punctual at the hour mentioned is obligatory4 ,if you are too early you are in the way2 if too late you annoy the hostess1 cause impatience among the assembled guests1 and perhaps spoil the dinner4 ,fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy guest4 ,,the ,,success ,,of ,a ,,dinner4 ,a host and hostess generally judge of the success of a dinner by the manner in which conversation has been sustained4 ,if it has flagged often1 it is considered proof that the guests have not been congenial2 but if a steady stream of talk has been kept up1 it shows that they have smoothly amalgamated1 as a whole4 ,no one should monopolize conversation1 unless he wishes to win for himself the appellation of a bore1 and be avoided as such4 ,,the ,,table ,,appointments4 ,a snow-white cloth of the finest damask1 beautiful china1 glistening or finely engraved glass1 and polished plate are considered essential to a grand dinner4 ,choice flowers1 ferns and mosses tastefully arranged1 add much to the beauty of the table4 ,a salt-cellar should be within the reach of every guest4 ,napkins should be folded square and placed with a roll of bread upon each plate4 ,the dessert is placed on the table amidst the flowers4 ,an epergne1 or a low dish of flowers1 graces the centre2 stands of bon-bons and confectionery are ranged on both sides of the table1 which complete the decorations of the table4 ,the name of each guest1 written upon a card and placed one on each plate1 marks the seat assigned4 ,,assigning ,,partners ,,for ,,dinner4 ,the number at a dinner should not be less than six1 nor more than twelve or fourteen4 ,then the host will be able to designate to each gentleman the lady whom he is to conduct to the table2 but when the number exceeds this limit it is a good plan to have the name of each couple written upon a card and enclosed in an addressed envelope1 ready to be handed to the gentleman by the servant1 before entering the drawing-room1 or left on a tray for the guests to select those which bear their names4 ,if a gentleman finds upon his card the name of a lady with whom he is unacquainted1 he requests the host to present him immediately after he has spoken with the hostess1 also to any members of the family with whom he is not acquainted4 ,,introductions4 ,all the guests should secure introductions to the one for whom the dinner is given4 ,if two persons1 unknown to each other1 find themselves placed side by side at a table1 they may enter into conversation without an introduction4 ,,arrangements ,,of ,,guests ,,at ,,the ,,table4 ,when dinner is announced1 the host offers his right arm to the lady he is to escort to the table4 ,the others follow1 arm in arm1 the hostess being the last to leave the drawing-room4 ,age should take the precedence in proceeding from the drawing-room to the dining-room1 the younger falling back until the elder have advanced4 ,the host escorts the eldest lady or the greatest stranger1 or if there be a bride present1 precedence is given to her1 unless the dinner is given for another person1 in which case he escorts the latter4 ,the hostess is escorted either by the greatest stranger1 or some gentleman whom she wishes to place in the seat of honor1 which is at her right4 ,the host places the lady whom he escorts at his right4 ,the seats of the host and hostess may be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table1 or at the opposite ends4 ,husbands should not escort their wives1 or brothers their sisters1 as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering4 ,,dinner ,a ,,la ,,russe4 ,the latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinner a la ,russe 7the ,russian style7--all the food being placed upon a side table1 and servants do the carving and waiting4 ,this style gives an opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table1 which1 as the meal progresses1 does not become encumbered with partially empty dishes and platters4 ,,duties ,,of ,,servants4 ,the servants commence1 in passing the dishes1 one upon the right of the host and one upon the right of the hostess4 ,a master or mistress should never censure the servants at dinner1 however things may go wrong4 ,servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their steps may be noiseless1 and if they should use napkins in serving 7as is the ,english custom7 instead of gloves1 their hands and nails should be faultlessly clean4 ,a good servant is never awkward4 ,he avoids coughing1 breathing hard or treading on a lady's dress2 never lets any article drop1 and deposits plates1 glasses1 knives1 forks and spoons noiselessly4 ,it is considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at table1 but to use a damask napkin1 with one corner wrapped around the thumb1 that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand4 ,,soup4 ,soup is the first course4 ,all should accept it even if they let it remain untouched1 because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served1 than to sit waiting1 or compel the servants to serve one before the rest4 ,soup should not be called for a second time4 ,a soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful4 ,,fish4 ,fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork1 unless fish knives are provided4 ,if fish knives are not provided1 a piece of bread in the left hand answers the purpose as well1 with the fork in the right hand4 ,fish may be declined1 but must not be called for a second time4 ,,the ,,side ,,dishes4 ,after soup and fish come the side dishes1 which must be eaten with the fork1 though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard for a fork4 ,,general ,,rules ,,regarding ,,dinner4 ,when the plate of each course is set before you1 with the knife and fork upon it1 remove the knife and fork at once4 ,this matter should be carefully attended to1 as the serving of an entire course is delayed by neglecting to remove them4 ,greediness should not be indulged in4 ,indecision must be avoided4 ,do not take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another1 or hesitate4 ,never allow the servant1 or the one who pours1 to fill your glass with wine that you do not wish to drink4 ,you can check him by touching the rim of your glass4 ,cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife4 ,if you have occasion to speak to a servant1 wait until you can catch his eye1 and then ask in a low tone for what you want4 ,the mouth should always be kept closed in eating1 and both eating and drinking should be noiseless4 ,bread is broken at dinner4 ,vegetables are eaten with a fork4 ,asparagus can be taken up with the fingers1 if preferred4 ,olives and artichokes are always so eaten4 ,fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks4 ,you are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat4 ,if any course is set down before you that you do not wish1 do not touch it4 ,never play with food1 nor mince your bread1 nor handle the glass and silver near you unnecessarily4 ,never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct2 that is the business of the host4 ,when a dish is offered you1 accept or refuse at once1 and allow the waiter to pass on4 ,a gentleman will see that the lady whom he has escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes1 but it is officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts4 ,if the guests pass the dishes to one another1 instead of being helped by a servant1 you should always help yourself from the dish1 if you desire it at all1 before passing it on to the next4 ,a knife should never1 on any account1 be put into the mouth4 ,many people1 even well-bred in other respects1 seem to regard this as an unnecessary regulation2 but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette1 and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many people1 it is wisest to observe it4 ,be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating4 ,if a bone inadvertently should get into the mouth1 the lips must be covered with the napkin in removing it4 ,cherry stones and grape skins should be removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible1 and deposited on the side of the plate4 ,never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead1 face or nose4 ,pastry should be eaten with a fork4 ,every thing that can be cut without a knife should be eaten with the fork alone4 ,pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon4 ,never lay your hand1 or play with your fingers1 upon the table4 ,do not toy with your knife1 fork or spoon1 make crumbs of your bread1 or draw imaginary lines upon the table cloth4 ,never bite fruit4 ,an apple1 peach or pear should be peeled with a knife1 and all fruit should be broken or cut4 ,,waiting ,,on ,,others4 ,if a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person1 politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for themselves anything to eat or drink1 and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table1 and he should be eager to offer them what he thinks may be most to their taste4 ,,praising ,,dishes4 ,a hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table1 nor make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction4 ,it is much better that she should observe silence in this respect1 and allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not1 as they deem proper4 ,neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat1 nor to load their plates against their inclination4 ,,monopolizing ,,conversation4 ,for one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general1 is exceedingly rude4 ,if the dinner party is a large one1 you may converse with those near you1 raising the voice only loud enough to be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with4 ,,picking ,,teeth ,,at ,,the ,,table4 ,it is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table1 and it should always be avoided4 ,to hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not avoid the rudeness of the act1 but if it becomes a matter of necessity to remove some obstacle from between the teeth1 then your open mouth should be concealed by your hand or napkin4 ,,selecting ,a ,,particular ,,dish4 ,never express a preference for any dish or any particular portion of a fowl or of meat1 unless requested to do so1 and then answer promptly1 that no time may be wasted in serving you and others after you4 ,,duties ,,of ,,hostess ,,and ,,host4 ,tact and self-possession are demanded of the hostess1 in order that she may perform her duties agreeably1 which are not onerous4 ,she should instruct her servants not to remove her plate until her guests have finished4 ,if she speaks of any omission by which her servants have inconvenienced her guests1 she must do it with dignity1 not betraying any undue annoyance4 ,she must put all her guests at their ease1 and pay every possible attention to the requirements of each and all around her4 ,no accident must disturb her2 no disappointment embarrass her4 ,if her precious china and her rare glass are broken before her eyes1 she must seem to take but little or no notice of it4 ,the host must aid the hostess in her efforts4 ,he should have ease and frankness of manner1 a calmness of temper that nothing can ruffle1 and a kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted4 ,he must encourage the timid1 draw out the silent and direct conversation rather than sustain it himself4 ,no matter what may go wrong1 a hostess should never seem to notice it to the annoyance of her guests4 ,by passing it over herself1 it will very frequently escape the attention of others4 ,if her guests arrive late1 she should welcome them as cordially as if they had come early1 but she will commit a rudeness to those who have arrived punctually1 if she awaits dinner for tardy guests for more than the fifteen minutes of grace prescribed by custom4 ,,retiring ,,from ,,the ,,table4 ,when the hostess sees that all have finished1 she looks at the lady who is sitting at the right of the host1 and the company rise1 and withdraw in the order they are seated1 without precedence4 ,after retiring to the drawing-room1 the guests should intermingle in a social manner4 ,it is expected that the guests will remain from one to three hours after dinner4 ,,accepting ,,hospitality ,a ,,sign ,,of ,,good-,,will4 ,as eating with another under his own roof is in all conditions of society regarded as a sign of good-will1 those who partake of proffered hospitalities1 only to gossip about and abuse their host and hostess1 should remember1 that in the opinion of all honorable persons1 they injure themselves by so doing4 ,,calls ,,after ,a ,,dinner ,,party4 ,calls should be made shortly after a dinner party by all who have been invited1 whether the invitation be accepted or not4 ,,returning ,,hospitality4 ,those who are in the habit of giving dinner parties should return the invitation before another is extended to them4 ,society is very severe upon those who do not return debts of hospitality1 if they have the means to do so4 ,if they never entertain anyone because of limited means1 or for other good reasons1 it is so understood1 and it is not expected that they should make exceptions2 or if they are in the habit of giving other entertainments and not dinners1 their debts of hospitality can be returned by invitations to whatever the entertainment might be4 ,some are deterred from accepting invitations by the feeling that they cannot return the hospitality in so magnificent a form4 ,it is not the costly preparations1 nor the expensive repast offered which are the most agreeable features of any entertainment1 but it is the kind and friendly feeling shown4 ,those who are not deterred from accepting such invitations for this reason1 and who enjoy the fruits of friendliness thus shown them1 must possess narrow views of their duty1 and very little self-respect1 if1 when an opportunity presents itself in any way to reciprocate the kind feeling manifested1 they fail to avail themselves of it4 ,true hospitality1 however1 neither expects nor desires any return4 ,,expensive ,,dinners ,,not ,,the ,,most ,,enjoyable4 ,it is a mistake to think that in giving a dinner1 it is indispensable to have certain dishes and a variety of wines1 because others serve them4 ,those who entertain frequently often use their own discretion1 and never feel obliged to do as others do1 if they wish to do differently4 ,some of the most enjoyable dinners given are those which are least expensive4 ,it is this mistaken feeling that people cannot entertain without committing all sorts of extravagances1 which causes many persons1 in every way well qualified to do incalculable good socially1 to exclude themselves from all general society4 ,,wines ,,at ,,dinners4 ,the menu of a dinner party is by some not regarded as complete1 unless it includes one or more varieties of wine4 ,when used it is first served after soup1 but any guest may1 with propriety1 decline being served4 ,this1 however1 must not be done ostentatiously4 ,simply say to the waiter1 or whoever pours it1 not any2 thank you4 ,wine1 offered at a dinner party1 should never be criticized1 however poor it may be4 ,a person who has partaken of wine1 may also decline to have the glass filled again4 ,if the guests should include one or more people of well-known temperance principles1 in deference to the scruples of these guests1 wines or liquors should not be brought to the table4 ,people who entertain should also be cautious as to serving wines at all4 ,it is impossible to tell what harm you may do to some of your highly esteemed guests4 ,it may be that your palatable wines may create an appetite for the habitual use of wines or stronger alcoholic liquors2 or you may renew a passion long controlled and entombed2 or you may turn a wavering will from a seemingly steadfast resolution to forever abstain4 ,this is an age of reforms1 the temperance reform being by no means the least powerful of these1 and no ladies or gentlemen will be censured or misunderstood if they neglect to supply their dinner table with any kind of intoxicating liquor4 ,mrs4 ex-,president ,hayes banished wines and liquors from her table1 and an example set by the first lady of the land can be safely followed in every ,american household1 whatever may have been former prevailing customs4 ,it is safe to say that no mistress of the ,white ,house will ever set aside the temperance principles established by ,mrs4 ,hayes4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,x4 ,table ,manners and ,etiquette4 ,it is of the highest importance that all persons should conduct themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding1 even in the privacy of their own homes1 when at table1 a neglect of such observances will render one stiff and awkward in society4 ,there are so many little points to be observed1 that unless a person is habitually accustomed to observe them1 he unconsciously commits some error1 or will appear awkward and constrained upon occasions when it is important to be fully at ease4 ,to be thoroughly at ease at such times is only acquired by the habitual practice of good manners at the table1 and is the result of proper home training4 ,it is the duty of parents to accustom their children1 by example as well as by precept1 to be attentive and polite to each other at every meal1 as well as to observe proper rules of etiquette1 and if they do so1 they need never fear that they will be rude or awkward when they go abroad4 ,even when persons habitually eat alone1 they should pay due regard to the rules of etiquette1 for by so doing they form habits of ease and gracefulness which are requisite in refined circles2 otherwise they speedily acquire rude and awkward habits which they cannot shake off without great difficulty1 and which are at times embarrassing to themselves and their friends4 ,in private families it should be observed as a rule to meet together at all meals of the day around one common table1 where the same rules of etiquette should be rigidly enforced1 as though each member of the family were sitting at a stranger's table4 ,it is only by this constant practice of the rules of good behaviour at home1 that good manners become easy when any of them go abroad4 ,,the ,,breakfast4 ,at the first meal of the day1 even in the most orderly households1 an amount of freedom is allowed1 which would be unjustifiable at any other meal4 ,the head of the house may look over his morning paper1 and the various other members may glance over correspondence or such books or studies as they are interested in4 ,each may rise and leave the table when business or pleasure dictates1 without awaiting for the others or for a general signal4 ,the breakfast table should be simply decorated1 yet it may be made very attractive with its snowy cloth and napkins1 its array of glass1 and its ornamentation of fruits and flowers4 ,bread should be placed upon the table1 cut in slices4 ,in eating1 it must always be broken1 never cut1 and certainly not bitten4 ,fruit should be served in abundance at breakfast whenever practicable4 ,there is an old adage which declares that fruit is gold in the morning1 silver at noon1 and lead at night4 ,,luncheon4 ,in many of our large cities1 where business prevents the head of the family from returning to dinner until a late hour1 luncheon is served about midday and serves as an early dinner for children and servants4 ,there is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner4 ,it is all placed upon the table at once1 whether it consists of one or more courses4 ,where only one or two are at luncheon1 the repast is ordinarily served on a tray4 ,,dinner4 ,the private family dinner should be the social hour of the day4 ,then parents and children should meet together1 and the meal should be of such length as to admit of the greatest sociality4 ,it is an old saying that chatted food is half digested4 ,the utmost good feeling should prevail among all4 ,business and domestic cares and troubles should be1 for the time1 forgotten1 and the pleasures of home most heartily enjoyed4 ,in another chapter we have spoken at length upon fashionable dinner parties4 ,,the ,,knife ,,and ,,fork4 ,the knife and fork were not made for playthings1 and should not be used as such when people are waiting at the table for the food to be served4 ,do not hold them erect in your hands at each side of your plate1 nor cross them on your plate when you have finished1 nor make a noise with them4 ,the knife should only be used for cutting meats and hard substances1 while the fork1 held in the left hand1 is used in carrying food into the mouth4 ,a knife must never1 on any account1 be put into the mouth4 ,when you send your plate to be refilled1 do not send your knife and fork1 but put them upon a piece of bread1 or hold them in your hand4 ,,greediness4 ,to put large pieces of food into your mouth appears greedy1 and if you are addressed when your mouth is so filled1 you are obliged to pause1 before answering1 until the vast mouthful is masticated1 or run the risk of choking1 by swallowing it too hastily4 ,to eat very fast is also a mark of greediness1 and should be avoided4 ,the same may be said of soaking up gravy with bread1 scraping up sauce with a spoon1 scraping your plate and gormandizing upon one or two articles of food only4 ,,general ,,rules ,,on ,,table ,,etiquette4 ,refrain from making a noise when eating1 or supping from a spoon1 and from smacking the lips or breathing heavily while masticating food1 as they are marks of ill-breeding4 ,the lips should be kept closed in eating as much as possible4 ,it is rude and awkward to elevate your elbows and move your arms at the table1 so as to incommode those on either side of you4 ,whenever one or both hands are unoccupied1 they should be kept below the table1 and not pushed upon the table and into prominence4 ,do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests1 without asking the head1 or host1 to excuse you1 except at a hotel or boarding house4 ,tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool1 but sipped from the cup4 ,if a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee1 he should place his spoon in his saucer4 ,if he has had sufficient1 let it remain in the cup4 ,if by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food1 such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee1 remove it without remark4 ,even though your own appetite be spoiled1 it is well not to prejudice others4 ,always make use of the butter-knife1 sugar-spoon and salt-spoon1 instead of using your knife1 spoon or fingers4 ,never1 if possible1 cough or sneeze at the table4 ,at home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your ring4 ,if you are visiting1 leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate4 ,eat neither too fast nor too slow4 ,never lean back in your chair1 nor sit too near or too far from the table4 ,keep your elbows at your side1 so that you may not inconvenience your neighbors4 ,do not find fault with the food4 ,the old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon the plate is no longer observed4 ,it is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied1 if necessary4 ,if a plate is handed you at the table1 keep it yourself instead of passing it to a neighbor4 ,if a dish is passed to you1 serve yourself first1 and then pass it on4 ,the host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of particular dishes2 nor ask persons more than once1 nor put anything on their plates which they have declined4 ,it is ill-bred to urge a person to eat of anything after he has declined4 ,when sweet corn is served on the ear1 the grain should be pared from it upon the plate1 instead of being eaten from the cob4 ,strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible1 and use the edge of the plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,receptions1 ,parties and ,balls4 ,morning receptions1 as they are called1 but more correctly speaking1 afternoon parties1 are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the afternoon4 ,sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed4 ,,the ,,dress4 ,the dress for receptions is1 for men1 morning dress2 for ladies1 demi-toilet1 with or without bonnet4 ,no low-necked dress nor short sleeves should be seen at day receptions1 nor white neck-ties and dress coats4 ,the material of a lady's costume may be of velvet1 silk1 muslin1 gauze or grenadine1 according to the season of the year1 and taste of the wearer1 but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for evening parties4 ,,the ,,refreshments4 ,the refreshments for morning receptions are generally light1 consisting of tea1 coffee1 frozen punch1 claret punch1 ices1 fruit and cakes4 ,often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments have been served1 and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties1 and renewed from time to time4 ,,invitations4 ,invitations to a reception are simple1 and are usually very informal4 ,frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription1 ,at ,home ,thursday1 from four to seven4 ,no answers are expected to these invitations1 unless ,r4,s4,v4,p4 is on one corner4 ,one visiting card is left by each person who is present1 to serve for the after call4 ,no calls are expected from those who attend4 ,those who are not able to be present1 call soon after4 ,,musical ,,matinees4 ,a matinee musicale partakes of the nature of a reception1 and is one of the most difficult entertainments attempted4 ,for this it is necessary to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental talent to insure the success of the entertainment1 and to arrange with them a programme1 assigning to each1 in order1 his or her part4 ,it is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music1 followed by solos1 duets1 quartettes1 etc41 with instrumental music interspersed1 in not too great proportions4 ,some competent person is needed as accompanist4 ,it is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music4 ,if any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in talking or whispering at such times1 she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint them of the fact4 ,it is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies are accompanied to the piano2 that the leaves of the music are turned for them1 and that they are conducted to their seats again4 ,when not intimately acquainted with them1 the hostess should join in expressing gratification4 ,the dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception1 only bonnets are more generally dispensed with4 ,those who have taken part1 often remain for a hot supper4 ,,parties ,,in ,,the ,,country4 ,morning and afternoon parties in the country1 or at watering places1 are of a less formal character than in cities4 ,the hostess introduces such of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable4 ,music or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties4 ,,sunday ,,hospitalities4 ,in this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal hospitalities extended on ,sunday4 ,all gatherings on that day ought to be informal4 ,no dinner parties are given on ,sunday1 or1 at least1 they are not considered as good form in good society4 ,,five ,o',,clock ,,tea1 ,,coffee ,,and ,,kettle-,,drums4 ,five o'clock tea1 coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced into this country from ,england4 ,for these invitations are usually issued on the lady's visiting card1 with the words written in the left hand corner4 ,illustration3 ,five o'clock tea1 ,wednesday1 ,october #f4 ,or1 if for a kettle-drum3 ,illustration3 ,kettle-drum1 ,wednesday1 ,october #f4 ,no answers are expected to these invitations1 unless there is an ,r4,s4,v4,p4 on the card4 ,it is optional with those who attend1 to leave cards4 ,those who do not attend1 call afterwards4 ,the hostess receives her guests standing1 aided by other members of the family or intimate friends4 ,for a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd1 and yet but few remain over half an hour--the conventional time allotted--unless they are detained by music or some entertaining conversation4 ,a table set in the dining-room is supplied with tea1 coffee1 chocolate1 sandwiches1 buns and cakes1 which constitute all that is offered to the guests4 ,there is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception4 ,the time is spent in desultory conversation with friends1 in listening to music1 or such entertainment as has been provided4 ,gentlemen wear the usual morning dress4 ,ladies wear the demi-toilet1 with or without bonnets4 ,at five o'clock tea 7or coffee71 the equipage is on a side table1 together with plates of thin sandwiches1 and of cake4 ,the pouring of the tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the family or friends1 without the assistance of servants1 where the number assembled is small2 for1 as a rule1 the people who frequent these social gatherings1 care more for social intercourse than for eating and drinking4 ,,more ,,formal ,,entertainments4 ,evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the entertainments that have been mentioned4 ,they require evening dress4 ,of late years1 however1 evening dress is almost as much worn at grand dinners as at balls and evening parties1 only the material is not of so diaphanous a character4 ,lace and muslin are out of place4 ,invitations to evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance1 and in all cases they should be answered immediately4 ,,balls4 ,the requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people to dance4 ,an ,english writer says1 ,the advantage of the ball is1 that it brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation1 and takes them away from silly1 if not from bad ones2 that it gives them exercise1 and that the general effect of the beauty1 elegance and brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind4 ,it may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great extent1 and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them1 to the exclusion of square and other dances4 ,america should not be the only nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes1 as is done in some of our cities4 ,there should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles1 with one or two contra dances1 which would give an opportunity to those who object 7or whose parents object7 to round dances to appear on the floor4 ,,preparations ,,for ,a ,,ball4 ,there should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen1 with a servant or servants to each4 ,there should be cards with the names of the invited guests upon them1 or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests ready to pin upon the wraps of each one4 ,each dressing-room should be supplied with a complete set of toilet articles4 ,it is customary to decorate the house elaborately with flowers4 ,although this is an expensive luxury1 it adds much to beautifying the rooms4 ,,the ,,music4 ,four musicians are enough for a dance4 ,when the dancing room is small1 the flageolet is preferable to the horn1 as it is less noisy and marks the time as well4 ,the piano and violin form the mainstay of the band2 but when the rooms are large enough1 a larger band may be employed4 ,,the ,,dances4 ,the dances should be arranged beforehand1 and for large balls programmes are printed with a list of the dances4 ,usually a ball opens with a waltz1 followed by a quadrille1 and these are succeeded by galops1 lancers1 polkas1 quadrilles and waltzes in turn4 ,,introductions ,,at ,a ,,ball4 ,gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball1 solely for the purpose of dancing1 wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon meeting afterwards1 but they are at liberty to recall themselves by lifting their hats in passing4 ,in ,england a ball-room acquaintance rarely goes any farther1 until they have met at more balls than one2 so1 also1 a gentleman cannot1 after being introduced to a young lady1 ask her for more than two dances during the same evening4 ,in ,england an introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute acquaintanceship4 ,with us1 as in ,continental ,europe1 it does4 ,it is for this reason that1 in ,england1 ladies are expected to bow first1 while on the ,continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of recognition1 as it should be here1 or better still1 simultaneously1 when the recognition is simultaneous4 ,it is as much the gentleman's place to bow 7with our mode of life7 as it is the lady's4 ,the one who recognizes first should be the first to show that recognition4 ,introductions take place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners1 or between persons residing in different cities4 ,in all other cases permission is asked before giving introductions4 ,but where a hostess is sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests1 those assembled under her roof should remember that they are1 in a certain sense1 made known to one another1 and ought1 therefore1 to be able to converse freely without introductions4 ,,receiving ,,guests4 ,the custom of the host and hostess receiving together1 is not now prevalent4 ,the receiving devolves upon the hostess1 but it is the duty of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are principally over1 that he may be easily found by any one seeking him4 ,the same duty devolves upon the sons1 who1 that evening1 must share their attentions with all4 ,the daughters1 as well as the sons1 will look after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance1 and they will try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers themselves4 ,,an ,,after-,,call4 ,after a ball1 an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you were entertained1 and should be made as soon as convenient--within two weeks at the farthest4 ,the call loses its significance entirely1 and passes into remissness1 when a longer time is permitted to elapse4 ,if it is not possible to make a call1 send your card or leave it at the door4 ,it has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception day1 in sending invitations to a ball1 to inclose her card in each invitation for one or more receptions1 in order that the after-calls due her may be made on that day4 ,,supper4 ,the supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock4 ,the table is made as elegant as beautiful china1 cut-glass and an abundance of flowers can make it4 ,the hot dishes are oysters1 stewed1 fried1 broiled and scalloped1 chicken1 game1 etc41 and the cold dishes are such as boned turkey1 boeuf a la mode1 chicken salad1 lobster salad and raw oysters4 ,when supper is announced1 the host leads the way with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention1 who may be an elderly lady1 or a stranger or a bride4 ,the hostess remains until the last1 with the gentleman who takes her to supper1 unless some distinguished guest is present1 with whom she leads the way4 ,no gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone1 unless he has seen every lady enter before him4 ,when ladies are left unattended1 gentlemen1 although strangers1 are at liberty to offer their services in waiting upon them1 for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the respectability of their guests4 ,,the ,,number ,,to ,,invite4 ,persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite more than their rooms will accommodate1 so as to avoid a crush4 ,invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities1 but inflictions4 ,a hostess is usually safe1 however1 in inviting one-fourth more than her rooms will hold1 as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received4 ,people who do not dance will not1 as a rule1 expect to be invited to a ball or dancing party4 ,,duties ,,of ,,guests4 ,some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the guests4 ,in fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored4 ,it is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation1 and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend1 to send a regret1 even at the last moment1 and as it is rude to send an acceptance with no intention of going1 those who so accept will do well to remember this duty4 ,it is the duty of every lady who attends a ball1 to make her toilet as fresh as possible4 ,it need not be expensive1 but it should at least be clean2 it may be simple1 but it should be neither soiled nor tumbled4 ,the gentlemen should wear evening dress4 ,it is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the hour named1 when it is mentioned in the invitation4 ,another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening1 and neither hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess requests4 ,it is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment longer than he desires with any lady4 ,by constantly moving from one to another1 when he feels so inclined1 he gives an opportunity to others to circulate as freely2 and this custom1 generally introduced in our society1 would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of all4 ,the false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected to remain standing by the side of a lady1 like a sentinel on duty1 until relieved by some other person1 is absurd1 and deters many who would gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances1 could they but know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation flagged1 or that they desired to join another4 ,in a society where it is not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one1 to exchange some words with another1 there is a constant interchange of civilities1 and the men circulate through the room with that charming freedom which insures the enjoyment of all4 ,while the hostess is receiving1 no person should remain beside her except members of her family who receive with her1 or such friends as she has designated to assist her4 ,all persons entering should pass on to make room for others4 ,,some ,,suggestions ,,for ,,gentlemen4 ,a gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train4 ,he should walk around it4 ,if by any accident he should tread upon any portion of her dress1 he must instantly beg her pardon1 and if by greater carelessness he should tear it1 he must pause in his course and offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it repaired4 ,if a lady asks any favor of a gentleman1 such as to send a servant to her with a glass of water1 to take her into the ball-room when she is without an escort1 to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting1 or any of the numerous services which ladies often require1 no gentleman will1 under any circumstances1 refuse her request4 ,a really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to dance1 as it is his imperative duty to do so2 and if the ball has been given for a lady who dances1 he should include her in his attentions4 ,if he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman1 he will sacrifice himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the dance4 ,the consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action will be his reward4 ,when gentlemen1 invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment1 are not acquainted with all the members of the family1 their first duty1 after speaking to their host and hostess1 is to ask some common friend to introduce them to those members whom they do not know4 ,the host and hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this4 ,,duties ,,of ,,an ,,escort4 ,a lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of entertainment2 go with her as far as the dressing-room1 return to meet her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room2 enter the latter room with her and lead her to the hostess2 dance the first dance with her2 conduct her to the supper-room1 and be ready to accompany her home whenever she wishes to go4 ,he should watch during the evening to see that she is supplied with dancing partners4 ,when he escorts her home she should not invite him to enter the house1 and even if she does so1 he should by all means decline the invitation4 ,he should call upon her within the next two days4 ,,general ,,rules ,,for ,,balls4 ,a young man who can dance1 and will not dance1 should stay away from a ball4 ,the lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to supper4 ,therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other1 unless his partner is already engaged4 ,public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party4 ,the great charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony4 ,all altercations1 loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room4 ,very little suffices to disturb the whole party4 ,in leaving a ball1 it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the house a good night4 ,in leaving a small dance or party1 it is civil to do so4 ,the difference between a ball and an evening party is1 that at a ball there must be dancing1 and at an evening party there may or may not be4 ,a ,london authority defines a ball to be an assemblage for dancing1 of not less than seventy-five persons4 ,common civility requires that those who have not been present1 but who were among the guests invited1 should1 when meeting the hostess the first time after an entertainment1 make it a point to express some acknowledgment of their appreciation of the invitation1 by regretting their inability to be present4 ,when dancing a round dance1 a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand behind him1 or on his hip1 or high in the air1 moving her arm as though it were a pump handle1 as seen in some of our western cities1 but should hold it gracefully by his side4 ,never forget ball-room engagements1 nor confuse them1 nor promise two dances to one person4 ,if a lady has forgotten an engagement1 the gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology4 ,good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable4 ,it is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a quadrille2 it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half way round the room with her4 ,he is not obliged to remain beside her unless he wishes to do so1 but may leave her with any lady whom she knows4 ,never be seen without gloves in a ball-room1 or with those of any other color than white1 unless they are of the most delicate hue4 ,though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society1 those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual attention1 if they possess any independence1 will not be deterred from doing so by their fear of any comments from ,mrs4 ,grundy4 ,the sooner that we recover from the effects of the ,puritanical idea that clergymen should never be seen at balls1 the better for all who attend them4 ,where it is wrong for a clergyman to go1 it is wrong for any member of his church to be seen4 ,in leaving a ball room before the music has ceased1 if no members of the family are in sight1 it is not necessary to find them before taking your departure4 ,if1 however1 the invitation is a first one1 endeavor not to make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the entertainment4 ,you can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you1 but it is not necessary that you should say it has been a grand success4 ,young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance1 for unless a good reason is given1 a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal dislike4 ,after a lady refuses1 the gentleman should not urge her to dance1 nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance4 ,the members of the household should see that those guests who wish to dance are provided with partners4 ,ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to their carriages1 unless overcoats and hats are on for departure4 ,when balls are given1 if the weather is bad1 an awning should be provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the house4 ,in all cases1 a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the door to the carriage steps4 ,gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance1 before the music strikes up4 ,in a private dance1 a lady cannot well refuse to dance with any gentleman who invites her1 unless she has a previous engagement4 ,if she declines from weariness1 the gentleman will show her a compliment by abstaining from dancing himself1 and remaining with her while the dance progresses4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,etiquette of the ,street4 ,the manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people he meets in the public streets of a city or village1 in public conveyances and in traveling generally4 ,the true gentleman1 at all times1 in all places1 and under all circumstances1 is kind and courteous to all he meets1 regards not only the rights1 but the wishes and feelings of others1 is deferential to women and to elderly men1 and is ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it4 ,,the ,,street ,,manners ,,of ,a ,,lady4 ,the true lady walks the street1 wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve1 so impenetrable that insult and coarse familiarity shrink from her1 while she1 at the same time1 carries with her a congenial atmosphere which attracts all1 and puts all at their ease4 ,a lady walks quietly through the streets1 seeing and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and hear1 recognizing acquaintances with a courteous bow1 and friends with words of greeting4 ,she is always unobtrusive1 never talks loudly1 or laughs boisterously1 or does anything to attract the attention of the passers-by4 ,she walks along in her own quiet1 lady-like way1 and by her pre-occupation is secure from any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be subjected4 ,a lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman1 but1 when voluntarily offered1 accepts them gratefully1 graciously1 and with an expression of hearty thanks4 ,,forming ,,street ,,acquaintances4 ,a lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street1 or seeks to attract the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex4 ,to do so would render false her claims to ladyhood1 if it did not make her liable to far graver charges4 ,,recognizing ,,friends ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,no one1 while walking the streets1 should fail1 through pre-occupation1 or absent-mindedness1 to recognize friends or acquaintances1 either by a bow or some form of salutation4 ,if two gentlemen stop to talk1 they should retire to one side of the walk4 ,if a stranger should be in company with one of the gentlemen1 an introduction is not necessary4 ,if a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does not know1 he lifts his hat to salute them both4 ,if he knows the lady1 he should salute her first4 ,the gentleman who accompanies a lady1 always returns a salutation made to her4 ,a ,,crowded ,,street4 ,when a gentleman and lady are walking in the street1 if at any place1 by reason of the crowd1 or from other cause1 they are compelled to proceed singly1 the gentleman should always precede his companion4 ,,intrusive ,,inquiries4 ,if you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article whatever1 under his arm or in his hand1 and he does not offer to show it to you1 you should not1 even if it be your most intimate friend1 take it from him and look at it4 ,that intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent with the delicacy of a well-bred man1 and always offends in some degree4 ,,the ,,first ,,to ,,bow4 ,in ,england strict etiquette requires that a lady1 meeting upon the street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance1 shall give the first bow of recognition4 ,in this country1 however1 good sense does not insist upon an imperative following of this rule4 ,a well-bred man bows and raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets1 without waiting for her to take the initiative4 ,if she is well-bred1 she will certainly respond to his salutation4 ,as politeness requires that each salute the other1 their salutations will thus be simultaneous4 ,,always ,,recognize ,,acquaintances4 ,one should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street1 either by bowing or words of greeting1 a gentleman lifting his hat4 ,if they stop to speak1 it is not obligatory to shake hands4 ,shaking hands is not forbidden1 but in most cases it is to be avoided in public4 ,illustration3 ,,gentleman ,,meeting ,a ,,lady4 ,,bowing ,,to ,,strangers ,,with ,,friends4 ,if a gentleman meets a friend1 and the latter has a stranger with him1 all three should bow4 ,if the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him1 he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him4 ,if the stranger is a lady1 the same deference should be shown as if she were an acquaintance4 ,,do ,,not ,,lack ,,politeness4 ,never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be recognized or returned4 ,one cannot be too polite so long as he conforms to rules1 while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them4 ,besides1 if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff1 it is not for the courteous person to feel mortification1 but the boorish one2 and so all lookers-on will regard the matter4 ,,talking ,,with ,a ,,lady ,,in ,,the ,,street4 ,in meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to speak4 ,if the gentleman has anything to say to her1 he should not stop her1 but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he has to say1 when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat4 ,,lady ,,and ,,gentleman ,,walking ,,together4 ,a gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most scrupulous politeness1 and may take either side of the walk4 ,it is customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side1 and he offers her his right arm1 when walking arm in arm4 ,if1 however1 the street is crowded1 the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him where she will be the least exposed to crowding4 ,,offering ,,the ,,arm ,,to ,a ,,lady4 ,a gentleman should1 in the evening1 or whenever her safety1 comfort or convenience seems to require it1 offer a lady companion his arm4 ,at other times it is not customary to do so unless the parties be husband and wife or engaged4 ,in the latter case1 it is not always advisable to do so1 as they may be made the subject of unjust remarks4 ,,keeping ,,step4 ,in walking together1 especially when arm in arm1 it is desirable that the two keep step4 ,ladies should be particular to adapt their pace as far as practicable1 to that of their escort4 ,it is easily done4 ,,opening ,,the ,,door ,,for ,a ,,lady4 ,a gentleman should always hold open the door for a lady to enter first4 ,this is obligatory1 not only in the case of the lady who accompanies him1 but also in that of any strange lady who chances to be about to enter at the same time4 ,,answering ,,questions4 ,a gentleman will answer courteously any questions which a lady may address to him upon the street1 at the same time lifting his hat1 or at least touching it respectfully4 ,,smoking ,,upon ,,the ,,streets4 ,in ,england a well-bred man never smokes upon the streets4 ,while this rule does not hold good in this country1 yet no gentleman will ever insult a lady by smoking in the streets in her company1 and in meeting and saluting a lady he will always remove his cigar from his mouth4 ,,offensive ,,behavior4 ,no gentleman is ever guilty of the offense of standing on street corners and the steps of hotels or other public places and boldly scrutinizing every lady who passes4 ,,carrying ,,packages4 ,a gentleman will never permit a lady with whom he is walking to carry a package of any kind1 but will insist upon relieving her of it4 ,he may even accost a lady when he sees her overburdened and offer his assistance1 if their ways lie in the same direction4 ,,shouting4 ,never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the other4 ,shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity4 ,first approach1 and then make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately loud tone of voice4 ,,two ,,gentlemen ,,walking ,,with ,a ,,lady4 ,when two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street they should not be both upon the same side of her1 but one of them should walk upon the outside and the other upon the inside4 ,,crossing ,,the ,,street ,,with ,a ,,lady4 ,if a gentleman is walking with a lady who has his arm1 and they cross the street1 it is better not to disengage the arm1 and go round upon the outside4 ,such effort evinces a palpable attention to form1 and that is always to be avoided4 ,,fulfilling ,,an ,,engagement4 ,when on your way to fill an engagement1 if a friend stops you on the street you may1 without committing a breach of etiquette1 tell him of your appointment1 and release yourself from any delay that may be occasioned by a long talk2 but do so in a courteous manner1 expressing regret for the necessity4 ,,walking ,,with ,a ,,lady ,,acquaintance4 ,a gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on the street for the purpose of walking with her1 unless he ascertains that his company would be perfectly agreeable to her4 ,it might be otherwise1 and she should frankly say so1 if asked4 ,,passing ,,before ,a ,,lady4 ,when a lady wishes to enter a store1 house or room1 if a gentleman accompanies her1 he should hold the door open and allow her to enter first1 if practicable2 for a gentleman must never pass before a lady anywhere if he can avoid it1 or without an apology4 ,,shopping ,,etiquette4 ,in inquiring for goods at a store or shop1 do not say to the clerk or salesman1 ,i want such an article1 but1 ,please show me such an article1 or some other polite form of address4 ,you should never take hold of a piece of goods or an article which another person is examining4 ,wait until it is replaced upon the counter1 when you are at liberty to examine it4 ,it is rude to interrupt friends whom you meet in a store before they have finished making their purchases1 or to ask their attention to your own purchases4 ,it is rude to offer your opinion unasked1 upon their judgment or taste1 in the selection of goods4 ,it is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods1 and exceedingly discourteous to the salesman4 ,use no deceit1 but be honest with them1 if you wish them to be honest with you4 ,avoid jewing down the prices of articles in any way4 ,if the price does not suit1 you may say so quietly1 and depart1 but it is generally best to say nothing about it4 ,it is an insult for the salesman to offensively suggest that you can do better elsewhere1 which should be resented by instant departure4 ,ladies should not monopolize the time and attention of salesmen in small talk1 while other customers are in the store to be waited upon4 ,whispering in a store is rude4 ,loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly vulgar4 ,,etiquette ,,for ,,public ,,conveyances4 ,in street cars1 omnibuses and other public street conveyances1 it should be the endeavor of each passenger to make room for all persons entering1 and no gentleman will retain his seat when there are ladies standing4 ,when a lady accepts a seat from a gentleman1 she expresses her thanks in a kind and pleasant manner4 ,a lady may1 with perfect propriety1 accept the offer of services from a stranger in alighting from1 or entering an omnibus or other public conveyance1 and should always acknowledge the courtesy with a pleasant ,thank you1 sir1 or a bow4 ,never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance4 ,gentlemen should not cross their legs1 nor stretch their feet out into the passage-way of a public conveyance4 ,,avoid ,,cutting4 ,no gentleman will refuse to recognize a lady after she has recognized him1 under any circumstances4 ,a young lady should1 under no provocation1 cut a married lady4 ,it is the privilege of age to first recognize those who are younger in years4 ,no young man will fail to recognize an aged one after he has met with recognition4 ,cutting is to be avoided if possible4 ,there are other ways of convincing a man that you do not know him1 yet1 to young ladies1 it is sometimes the only means available to rid them of troublesome acquaintances4 ,cutting consists in returning a bow or recognition with a stare1 and is publicly ignoring the acquaintance of the person so treated4 ,it is sometimes done by words in saying1 ,really ,i have not the pleasure of your acquaintance4 ,,avoiding ,,carriages4 ,for a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is inelegant and also dangerous4 ,to attempt to cross the street between the carriages of a funeral procession1 is rude and disrespectful4 ,the foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful attitude until the melancholy train has passed1 is a commendable one to be followed in this country4 ,,keep ,,to ,,the ,,right4 ,on meeting and passing people in the street1 keep to your right hand1 except when a gentleman is walking alone2 then he must always turn aside to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady1 to anyone carrying a heavy load1 to a clergyman or to an old gentleman4 ,,some ,,general ,,suggestions4 ,if a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm1 and there is but one umbrella1 he should give it to his companions and walk outside4 ,nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself1 but half deluges his companions with its dripping streams4 ,never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down1 or may knock down another1 by the violent contact4 ,always look in the way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision4 ,a young lady should1 if possible1 avoid walking alone in the street after dark4 ,if she passes the evening with a friend1 provision should be made beforehand for an escort4 ,if this is not practicable1 the person at whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her1 or some proper person--a gentleman acquaintance present1 or her own husband--to perform the duty4 ,a married lady may1 however1 disregard this rule1 if circumstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort4 ,a gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs1 and allow her to precede him in going down4 ,do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare1 but pay him and dismiss him4 ,if you have a complaint to make against him1 take his name and make it to the proper authorities4 ,it is rude to keep a lady waiting while you are disputing with a hack-man4 ,illustration ,illustration3 ,,summer ,,afternoon1 ,,central ,,park4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,etiquette of ,public ,places4 ,all well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all places with perfect decorum4 ,wherever they meet people they will be found polite1 considerate of the comfort1 convenience and wishes of others1 and unobtrusive in their behavior4 ,they seem to know1 as if by instinct1 how to conduct themselves1 wherever they may go1 or in whatever society they may be thrown4 ,they consider at all times the fitness of things1 and their actions and speech are governed by feelings of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into social relations1 having a due consideration for the opinions and prejudices of others1 and doing nothing to wound their feelings4 ,many people1 however1 either from ignorance1 thoughtlessness or carelessness1 are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining to places of public assemblages4 ,it is for this reason that rules are here given by which may be regulated the conduct of people in various public gatherings1 where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call forth unfavorable criticism4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,church4 ,a gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium4 ,when visiting a strange church1 you should wait in the vestibule until an usher appears to show you to a seat4 ,a gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of1 or by the side of a lady1 allowing the lady to first enter the pew4 ,there should be no haste in passing up the aisle4 ,people should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church1 and avoid whispering1 laughing1 staring1 or making a noise of any kind with the feet or hands4 ,it is ill-mannered to be late at church4 ,if one is unavoidably late1 it is better to take a pew as near the door as possible4 ,ladies always take the inside seats1 and gentlemen the outside or head of the pew4 ,when a gentleman accompanies a lady1 however1 it is customary for him to sit by her side during church services4 ,a person should never leave church until the services are over1 except in some case of emergency4 ,do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone1 to watch the choir1 to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing noise4 ,if books or fans are passed in church1 let them be offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture of the head4 ,it is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books2 and if the service is strange to them1 the places for the day's reading should be indicated4 ,it is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use4 ,in visiting a church of a different belief from your own1 pay the utmost respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of the church--that is1 kneel1 sit and rise with the congregation4 ,no matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you1 let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the church4 ,when the services are concluded1 there should be no haste in crowding up the aisle1 but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously4 ,when the vestibule is reached1 it is allowable to exchange greetings with friends1 but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous laughter4 ,neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues4 ,if a ,protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a ,roman ,catholic to her own church1 it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water4 ,this he must do with the ungloved right hand4 ,in visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice1 one should always go at a time when there are no services being held4 ,if people are even then found at their devotions1 as is apt to be the case in ,roman ,catholic churches especially1 the demeanor of the visitor should be respectful and subdued and his voice low1 so that he may not disturb them4 ,,invitation ,,to ,,opera ,,or ,,concert4 ,a gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera1 theatre1 concert or other public place of amusement1 must send his invitation the previous day4 ,the lady must reply immediately1 so that if she declines1 there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion4 ,it is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment1 or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where they can neither see nor hear4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,opera1 ,,theater ,,or ,,public ,,hall4 ,on entering the hall1 theater or opera house the gentleman should walk side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow1 in which case he should precede her4 ,upon reaching the seats1 he should allow her to take the inner one1 assuming the outer one himself4 ,a gentleman should1 on no account1 leave the lady's side from the beginning to the close of the performance4 ,if it is a promenade concert or opera1 the lady may be invited to promenade during the intermission4 ,if she declines1 the gentleman must retain his position by her side4 ,there is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to a lady4 ,on the contrary1 his duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies4 ,he must remain beside her during the evening to converse with her between the acts1 and to render the entertainment as agreeable to her as possible4 ,during the performance complete quiet should be preserved1 that the audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing4 ,between the acts it is perfectly proper to converse1 but it should be done in a low tone1 so as not to attract attention4 ,neither should one whisper4 ,there should be no loud talking1 boisterous laughter1 violent gestures1 lover-like demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention of others4 ,it is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they deserve it4 ,it is their only means of knowing whether they are giving satisfaction4 ,the gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme1 and with libretto also if they are attending opera4 ,in passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should precede the lady1 and there should be no crowding or pushing4 ,if the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing1 he should call for his companion in a carriage4 ,this is especially necessary if the evening is stormy4 ,he should call sufficiently early to allow them to reach their destination before the performance commences4 ,it is unjust to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in obtaining seats4 ,the gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following day1 which permission she should grant2 and if she be a person of delicacy and tact1 she will make him feel that he has conferred a real pleasure upon her by his invitation4 ,even if she finds occasion for criticism in the performance1 she should be lenient in this respect1 and seek for points to praise instead1 that he may not feel regret at taking her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy4 ,,remain ,,until ,,the ,,performance ,,closes4 ,at a theatrical or operatic performance1 you should remain seated until the performance is concluded and the curtain falls4 ,it is exceedingly rude and ill-bred to rise and leave the hall while the play is drawing to a close1 yet this severely exasperating practice has of late been followed by many well-meaning people1 who1 if they were aware of the extent to which they outraged the feelings of many of the audience1 and unwittingly offered an insult to the actors on the stage1 would shrink from repeating such flagrantly rude conduct4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,picture-,,galleries4 ,in visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment of a gentleman or a lady4 ,make no loud comments and do not seek to show superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous criticism4 ,if you have not an art education you will probably only be giving publicity to your own ignorance4 ,do not stand in conversation before a picture1 and thus obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk4 ,if you wish to converse with any anyone on general subjects1 draw to one side1 out of the way of those who want to look at the pictures4 ,,conduct ,,at ,,charity ,,fairs4 ,in visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the article or their price1 unless you can praise4 ,if you want them1 pay the price demanded1 or let them alone4 ,if you can conscientiously praise an article1 by all means do so1 as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances to be within hearing4 ,if you have a table at a fair1 use no unladylike means to obtain buyers4 ,not even the demands of charity can justify you in importuning others to purchase articles against their own judgment or beyond their means4 ,never appear so beggarly as to retain the change1 if a larger amount is presented than the price4 ,offer the change promptly1 when the gentleman will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best1 and you may accept it with thanks4 ,he is1 however1 under no obligation whatever to make such donation4 ,be guilty of no loud talking or laughing1 and by all means avoid conspicuous flirting in so public a place4 ,as a gentleman must always remove his hat in the presence of ladies1 so he should remain with head uncovered1 carrying his hat in his hand1 in a public place of this character4 ,,conduct ,,in ,,an ,,artist',s ,,studio4 ,if you have occasion to visit an artist's studio1 by no means meddle with anything in the room4 ,reverse no picture which stands or hangs with face to the wall2 open no portfolio without permission1 and do not alter by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery1 piece of furniture or article of vertu posed as a model4 ,you do not know with what care the artist may have arranged these things1 nor what trouble the disarrangement may cost him4 ,use no strong expression either of delight or disapprobation at anything presented for your inspection4 ,if a picture or a statue please you1 show your approval and appreciation by close attention1 and a few quiet1 well chosen words1 rather than by extravagant praise4 ,do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a purchaser2 and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works1 make your choice1 and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded4 ,you may express your desire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from the artist4 ,if you desire to conclude the bargain at once you may ask his price1 and if he names a higher one than you wish to give1 you may say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay1 when it will be optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your offer4 ,it is not proper to visit the studio of an artist except by special invitation or permission1 and at an appointed time1 for you cannot estimate how much you may disturb him at his work4 ,the hours of daylight are all golden to him2 and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil is sometimes only acquired each day after hours of practice1 and may be instantly lost on the irruption and consequent interruption of visitors4 ,never take a young child to a studio1 for it may do much mischief in spite of the most careful watching4 ,at any rate1 the juvenile visitor will try the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a constant state of apprehension4 ,if you have engaged to sit for your portrait never keep the artist waiting one moment beyond the appointed time4 ,if you do so you should in justice pay for the time you make him lose4 ,a visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work2 for if he be a man of nervous temperament it will be likely to disturb him greatly4 ,,gentlemen ,,passing ,,before ,,ladies4 ,gentleman having occasion to pass before ladies who are already seated in lecture and concert rooms1 theaters and other public places1 should beg pardon for disturbing them2 passing with their faces and never with their backs toward them4 ,,where ,,gentlemen ,,may ,,keep ,,their ,,hats ,,on4 ,at garden parties and at all assemblies held in the open air1 gentlemen keep their hats on their heads4 ,if draughts of cold air1 or other causes1 make it necessary for them to retain their hats on their heads1 when in the presence of ladies within doors1 they explain the necessity and ask permission of the ladies whom they accompany4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,etiquette of ,travelling4 ,there is nothing that tests the natural politeness of men and women so thoroughly as traveling4 ,we all desire as much comfort as possible and as a rule are selfish4 ,in these days of railroad travel1 when every railway is equipped with elegant coaches for the comfort1 convenience and sometimes luxury of its passengers1 and provided with gentlemanly conductors and servants1 the longest journeys by railroad can be made alone by self-possessed ladies with perfect safety and but little annoyance4 ,then1 too1 a lady who deports herself as such may travel from the ,atlantic to the ,pacific1 from ,maine to the ,gulf of ,mexico1 and meet with no affront or insult1 but on the contrary receive polite attentions at every point1 from men who may chance to be her fellow-travelers4 ,this may be accounted for from the fact that1 as a rule in ,america1 all men show a deferential regard for women1 and are especially desirous of showing them such attentions as will render a long and lonesome journey as pleasant as possible4 ,,duties ,,of ,,an ,,escort4 ,however self-possessed and ladylike in all her deportment and general bearing a lady may be1 and though capable of undertaking any journey1 howsoever long it may be1 an escort is at all times much more pleasant1 and generally acceptable4 ,when a gentleman undertakes the escort of a lady1 he should proceed with her to the depot1 or meet her there1 a sufficient time before the departure of the train to attend to the checking of her baggage1 procure her ticket1 and obtain for her an eligible seat in the cars1 allowing her to choose such seat as she desires4 ,he will then dispose of her packages and hand-baggage in their proper receptacle1 and make her seat and surroundings as agreeable for her as possible1 taking a seat near her1 or by the side of her if she requests it1 and do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one4 ,upon arriving at her destination1 he should conduct her to the ladies' waiting-room or to a carriage1 until he has attended to her baggage1 which he arranges to have delivered where the lady requests it4 ,he should then escort her to whatever part of the city she is going and deliver her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his care4 ,on the following day he should call upon her to inquire after her health4 ,it is optional with the lady whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged or not after this call4 ,if the lady does not wish to prolong the acquaintance1 she can have no right1 nor can her friends1 to request a similar favor of him at another time4 ,,the ,,duty ,,of ,a ,,lady ,,to ,,her ,,escort4 ,the lady may supply her escort with a sum of money ample to pay all the expenses of the journey before purchasing her ticket1 or furnish him the exact amount required1 or1 at the suggestion of her escort1 she may allow him to defray the expenses from his own pocket1 and settle with him at the end of the journey4 ,the latter course1 however1 should only be pursued when the gentleman suggests it1 and a strict account of the expenses incurred must be insisted on4 ,a lady should give her attendant as little trouble and annoyance as possible1 and she should make no unnecessary demands upon his good nature and gentlemanly services4 ,her hand-baggage should be as small as circumstances will permit1 and when once disposed of1 it should remain undisturbed until she is about to leave the car1 unless she should absolutely require it4 ,as the the train nears the end of her journey1 she will deliberately gather together her effects preparatory to departure1 so that when the train stops she will be ready to leave the car at once and not wait to hurriedly grab her various parcels1 or cause her escort unnecessary delay4 ,a ,,lady ,,traveling ,,alone4 ,a lady1 in traveling alone1 may accept services from her fellow-travelers1 which she should always acknowledge graciously4 ,indeed1 it is the business of a gentleman to see that the wants of an unescorted lady are attended to4 ,he should offer to raise or lower her window if she seems to have any difficulty in doing it herself4 ,he may offer his assistance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car1 or in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk4 ,still1 women should learn to be as self-reliant as possible2 and young women particularly should accept proffered assistance from strangers1 in all but the slightest offices1 very rarely4 ,,ladies ,,may ,,assist ,,other ,,ladies4 ,it is not only the right1 but the duty of ladies to render any assistance or be of any service to younger ladies1 or those less experienced in traveling than themselves4 ,they may show many little courtesies which will make the journey less tedious to the inexperienced traveler1 and may give her important advice or assistance which may be of benefit to her4 ,an acquaintance formed in traveling1 need never be retained afterwards4 ,it is optional whether it is or not4 ,,the ,,comfort ,,of ,,others4 ,in seeking his own comfort1 no passenger has a right to overlook or disregard that of others4 ,if for his own comfort1 he wishes to raise or lower a window he should consult the wishes of passengers immediately around him before doing so4 ,the discomforts of traveling should be borne cheerfully1 for what may enhance your own comfort may endanger the health of some fellow-traveler4 ,,attending ,,to ,,the ,,wants ,,of ,,others4 ,see everywhere and at all times that ladies and elderly people have their wants supplied before you think of your own4 ,nor is there need for unmanly haste or pushing in entering or leaving cars or boats4 ,there is always time enough allowed for each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly manner and with a due regard to the rights of others4 ,if1 in riding in the street-cars or crossing a ferry1 your friend insists on paying for you1 permit him to do so without serious remonstrance4 ,you can return the favor at some other time4 ,,reading ,,when ,,travelling4 ,if a gentleman in traveling1 either on cars or steamboat1 has provided himself with newspapers or other reading1 he should offer them to his companions first4 ,if they are refused1 he may with propriety read himself1 leaving the others free to do the same if they wish4 ,,occupying ,,too ,,many ,,seats4 ,no lady will retain possession of more than her rightful seat in a crowded car4 ,when others are looking for accommodations she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dispose of her baggage that the seat beside her may be occupied by anyone who desires it1 no matter how agreeable it may be to retain possession of it4 ,it shows a great lack of proper manners to see two ladies1 or a lady and gentleman turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their wraps and bundles1 retaining it in spite of the entreating or remonstrating looks of fellow-passengers4 ,in such a case any person who desires a seat is justified in reversing the back1 removing the baggage and taking possession of the unused seat4 ,,retaining ,,possession ,,of ,a ,,seat4 ,a gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after baggage or procure a lunch1 leaving the seat in charge of a companion1 or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to show that it is engaged4 ,when a seat is thus occupied1 the right of possession must be respected1 and no one should presume to take a seat thus previously engaged1 even though it may be wanted for a lady4 ,a gentleman cannot1 however1 in justice1 vacate his seat to take another in the smoking-car1 and at the same time reserve his rights to the first seat4 ,he pays for but one seat1 and by taking another he forfeits the first4 ,it is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady1 though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather than allow the lady to stand or suffer inconvenience from poor accommodations4 ,in the street cars the case is different4 ,no woman should be allowed to stand while there is a seat occupied by a man4 ,the inconvenience to the man will be temporary and trifling at the most1 and he can well afford to suffer it rather than to do an uncourteous act4 ,,discretion ,,in ,,forming ,,acquaintances4 ,while an acquaintance formed in a railway car or on a steamboat1 continues only during the trip1 discretion should be used in making acquaintances4 ,ladies may1 as has been stated1 accept small courtesies and favors from strangers1 but must check at once any attempt at familiarity4 ,on the other hand1 no man who pretends to be a gentleman will attempt any familiarity4 ,the practice of some young girls just entering into womanhood1 of flirting with any young man they may chance to meet1 either in a railway car or on a steamboat1 indicates low-breeding in the extreme4 ,if1 however1 the journey is long1 and especially if it be on a steamboat1 a certain sociability may be allowed1 and a married lady or a lady of middle age may use her privileges to make the journey an enjoyable one1 for fellow-passengers should always be sociable to one another4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,riding ,,and ,,driving4 ,one of the most exhilarating and enjoyable amusements that can be indulged in by either ladies or gentlemen is that of riding on horseback1 and it is a matter of regret that it is not participated in to a greater extent than it is4 ,the etiquette of riding1 though meagre1 is exact and important4 ,,learning ,,to ,,ride4 ,the first thing to do is to learn to ride1 and no one should attempt to appear in public until a few preliminary lessons in riding are taken4 ,until a person has learned to appear at ease on horseback1 he or she should not appear in public4 ,the advice given in the old rhyme should be kept in mind1 viz3 ,keep up your head and your heart1 ,your hands and your heels keep down2 ,press your knees close to your horse's sides1 ,and your elbows close to your own4 ,,the ,,gentleman',s ,,duty ,,as ,,an ,,escort4 ,when a gentleman contemplates riding with a lady1 his first duty is to see that her horse is a proper one for her use1 and one that she can readily manage4 ,he must see that her saddle and bridle are perfectly secure1 and trust nothing of this kind to the stable men1 without personal examination4 ,he must be punctual at the appointed hour1 and not keep the lady waiting for him clad in her riding costume4 ,he should see the lady comfortably seated in her saddle before he mounts himself2 take his position on the lady's right in riding1 open all gates and pay all tolls on the road4 ,illustration ,,assisting ,a ,,lady ,,to ,,mount4 ,the lady will place herself on the left side of the horse1 standing as close to it as possible1 with her skirts gathered in her left hand1 her right hand upon the pommel1 and her face toward the horse's head4 ,the gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder1 facing the lady1 and stooping1 hold his hand so that she may place her foot in it4 ,this she does1 when the foot is lifted as she springs1 so as to gently aid her in gaining the saddle4 ,the gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup1 smooth the skirt of her riding habit1 and give her the reins and her riding whip4 ,,riding ,,with ,,ladies4 ,in riding with one lady1 a gentleman takes his position to the right of her4 ,when riding with two or more1 his position is still to the right unless one of them needs his assistance or requests his presence near her4 ,he must offer all the courtesies of the road1 and yield the best and shadiest side to the ladies4 ,the lady must always decide upon the pace at which to ride4 ,it is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake4 ,if a gentleman1 when riding alone1 meets a lady who is walking and wishes to enter into conversation with her1 he must alight and remain on foot while talking with her4 ,,assisting ,a ,,lady ,,to ,,alight ,,from ,,her ,,horse4 ,after the ride1 the gentleman must assist his companion to alight4 ,she must first free her knee from the pommel1 and be certain that her habit is entirely disengaged4 ,he must then take her left hand in his right1 and offer his left hand as a step for her foot4 ,he then lowers his hand slowly and allows her to reach the ground gently without springing4 ,a lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle4 ,,driving4 ,the choicest seat in a double carriage is the one facing the horses1 and gentlemen should always yield this seat to the ladies4 ,if only one gentleman and one lady are riding in a two-seated carriage1 the gentleman must sit opposite the lady1 unless she invites him to a seat by her side4 ,the place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing the horses4 ,this is also the seat of the hostess1 which she never resigns4 ,if she is not driving1 it must be offered to the most distinguished lady4 ,a person should enter a carriage with the back to the seat1 so as to prevent turning round in the carriage4 ,a gentleman must be careful not to trample upon or crush a lady's dress4 ,in driving1 one should always remember that the rule of the road in meeting and passing another vehicle is to keep to the right4 ,,assisting ,,ladies ,,to ,,alight4 ,a gentleman must first alight from a carriage1 even if he has to pass before a lady in doing so4 ,he must then assist the ladies to alight4 ,if there is a servant with the carriage1 the latter may hold open the door1 but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required assistance4 ,if a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the gentleman accompanying her1 he must alight to assist her out1 and if she wishes to resume her seat1 he must again alight to help her to do so4 ,in assisting a lady to enter a carriage1 a gentleman will take care that the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside4 ,a carriage robe should be provided to protect her dress from the mud and dust of the road4 ,the gentleman should provide the lady with her parasol1 fan and shawl1 and see that she is comfortable in every way1 before he seats himself4 ,,trusting ,,the ,,driver4 ,while driving with another who holds the reins1 you must not interfere with the driver1 as anything of this kind implies a reproof1 which is very offensive4 ,if you think his conduct wrong1 or are in fear of danger resulting1 you may delicately suggest a change1 apologizing therefor4 ,you should resign yourself to the driver's control1 and be perfectly calm and self-possessed during the course of a drive4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,courtship and ,marriage4 ,the correct behavior of young men toward young ladies1 and of young ladies toward young men1 during that portion of their lives when they are respectively paying attention to1 and receiving attention from1 one another1 is a matter which requires consideration in a work of this nature4 ,a ,,gentleman',s ,,conduct ,,toward ,,ladies4 ,young people of either sex1 who have arrived at mature age1 and who are not engaged1 have the utmost freedom in their social intercourse in this country1 and are at liberty to associate and mingle freely in the same circles with those of the opposite sex4 ,gentlemen are at liberty to invite their lady friends to concerts1 operas1 balls1 etc41 to call upon them at their homes1 to ride and drive with them1 and make themselves agreeable to all young ladies to whom their company is acceptable4 ,in fact they are at liberty to accept invitations and give them ad libitum4 ,as soon1 however1 as a young gentleman neglects all others1 to devote himself to a single lady1 he gives that lady reason to suppose that he is particularly attracted to her1 and may give her cause to believe that she is to become engaged to him1 without telling her so4 ,a gentleman who does not contemplate matrimony should not pay too exclusive attention to any one lady4 ,a ,,lady',s ,,conduct ,,toward ,,gentlemen4 ,a young lady who is not engaged may receive calls and attentions from such unmarried gentlemen as she desires1 and may accept invitations to ride1 to concerts1 theatres1 etc4 ,she should use due discretion1 however1 as to whom she favors by the acceptance of such invitations4 ,a young lady should not allow special attention from anyone to whom she is not specially attracted1 because1 first1 she may do injury to the gentleman in seeming to give his suit encouragement2 and1 secondly1 she may keep away from her those whom she likes better1 but who will not approach her under the mistaken idea that her feelings are already interested4 ,a young lady should not encourage the addresses of a gentleman unless she feels that she can return his affections4 ,it is the prerogative of a man to propose1 and of a woman to accept or refuse1 and a lady of tact and kind heart will exercise her prerogative before her suitor is brought to the humiliation of an offer which must result in a refusal4 ,no well-bred lady will too eagerly receive the attentions of a gentleman1 no matter how much she admires him2 nor1 on the other hand1 will she be so reserved as to altogether discourage him4 ,a man may show considerable attention to a lady without becoming a lover2 and so a lady may let it be seen that she is not disagreeable to him without discouraging him4 ,she will be able to judge soon from his actions and deportment1 as to his motive in paying her his attentions1 and will treat him accordingly4 ,a man does not like to be refused when he makes a proposal1 and no man of tact will risk a refusal4 ,neither will a well-bred lady encourage a man to make a proposal1 which she must refuse4 ,she should endeavor1 in discouraging him as a lover1 to retain his friendship4 ,a young man of sensibilities1 who can take a hint when it is offered him1 need not run the risk of a refusal4 ,,premature ,,declaration4 ,it is very injudicious1 not to say presumptuous1 for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady on too brief an acquaintance4 ,a lady who would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the discretion needed to make a good wife4 ,,thorough ,,acquaintance ,,as ,a ,,basis ,,for ,,marriage4 ,perhaps there is such a thing as love at first sight1 but love alone is a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage4 ,there should be thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon4 ,,proper ,,manner ,,of ,,courtship4 ,it is impossible to lay down any rule as to the proper mode of courtship and proposal4 ,in ,france it is the business of the parents to settle all preliminaries4 ,in ,england the young man asks the consent of the parents to pay addresses to their daughter4 ,in this country the matter is left almost entirely to the young people4 ,it seems that circumstances must determine whether courtship may lead to engagement4 ,thus1 a man may begin seriously to court a girl1 but may discover before any promise binds them to each other1 that they are entirely unsuited to one another1 when he may1 with perfect propriety and without serious injury to the lady1 withdraw his attentions4 ,certain authorities insist that the consent of parents must always be obtained before the daughter is asked to give herself in marriage4 ,while there is nothing improper or wrong in such a course1 still1 in this country1 with our social customs1 it is deemed best in most cases not to be too strict in this regard4 ,each case has its own peculiar circumstances which must govern it1 and it seems at least pardonable if the young man should prefer to know his fate directly from the lips of the most interested party1 before he submits himself to the cooler judgment and the critical observation of the father and mother1 who are not by any means in love with him1 and who may possibly regard him with a somewhat jealous eye1 as having already monopolized their daughter's affections1 and now desires to take her away from them altogether4 ,,parents ,,should ,,exercise ,,authority ,,over ,,daughters4 ,parents should always be perfectly familiar with the character of their daughter's associates1 and they should exercise their authority so far as not to permit her to form any improper acquaintances4 ,in regulating the social relations of their daughter1 parents should bear in mind the possibility of her falling in love with any one with whom she may come in frequent contact4 ,therefore1 if any gentleman of her acquaintance is particularly ineligible as a husband1 he should be excluded as far as practicable from her society4 ,a ,,watchful ,,care ,,required ,,by ,,parents4 ,parents1 especially mothers1 should also watch with a jealous care the tendencies of their daughter's affections2 and if they see them turning toward unworthy or undesirable objects1 influence of some sort should be brought to bear to counteract this4 ,great delicacy and tact are required to manage matters rightly4 ,a more suitable person may1 if available1 be brought forward1 in the hope of attracting the young girl's attention4 ,the objectionable traits of the undesirable suitor should be made apparent to her without the act seeming to be intentional2 and if all this fails1 let change of scene and surroundings by travel or visiting accomplish the desired result4 ,the latter course will generally do it1 if matters have not been allowed to progress too far and the young girl is not informed why she is temporarily banished from home4 ,,an ,,acceptable ,,suitor4 ,parents should always be able to tell from observation and instinct just how matters stand with their daughter2 and if the suitor is an acceptable one and everything satisfactory1 then the most scrupulous rules of etiquette will not prevent their letting the young couple alone4 ,if the lover chooses to propose directly to the lady and consult her father afterward1 consider that he has a perfect right to do so4 ,if her parents have sanctioned his visits and attentions by a silent consent1 he has a right to believe that his addresses will be favorably received by them4 ,,requirements ,,for ,a ,,happy ,,marriage4 ,respect for each other is as necessary to a happy marriage as that the husband and wife should have an affection for one another4 ,social equality1 intellectual sympathy1 and sufficient means are very important matters to be considered by those who contemplate matrimony4 ,it must be remembered that husband and wife1 after marriage1 have social relations to sustain1 and perhaps it will be discovered1 before many months of wedded life have passed1 when there is a social inequality1 that one of the two have made a sacrifice for which no adequate compensation has been or ever will be received4 ,and so both lives become soured and spoiled1 because neither receives nor can receive the sympathy which their efforts deserve1 and because their cares are multiplied from a want of congeniality4 ,one or the other may find that the noble qualities seen by the impulse of early love1 were but the creation of an infatuated fancy1 existing only in the mind where it originated4 ,another condition of domestic happiness is intellectual sympathy4 ,man requires a woman who can make his home a place of rest for him1 and woman requires a man of domestic tastes4 ,while a woman who seeks to find happiness in a married life will never consent to be wedded to an idler or a pleasure-seeker1 so a man of intelligence will wed none but a woman of intelligence and good sense4 ,neither beauty1 physical characteristics nor other external qualifications will compensate for the absence of intellectual thought and clear and quick comprehensions4 ,an absurd idea is held by some that intelligence and domestic virtues cannot go together2 that an intellectual woman will never be content to stay at home to look after the interests of her household and children4 ,a more unreasonable idea has never been suggested1 for as the intellect is strengthened and cultured1 it has a greater capacity of affection1 of domesticity and of self-sacrifice for others4 ,mutual trust and confidence are other requisites for happiness in married life4 ,there can be no true love without trust4 ,the responsibility of a man's life is in a woman's keeping from the moment he puts his heart into her hands4 ,without mutual trust there can be no real happiness4 ,another requisite for conjugal happiness is moral and religious sympathy1 that each may walk side by side in the same path of moral purpose and social usefulness1 with joint hope of immortality4 ,,proposals ,,of ,,marriage4 ,rules in regard to proposals of marriage cannot be laid down1 for they are and should be as different as people4 ,the best way is to apply to the lady in person1 and receive the answer from her own lips4 ,if courage should fail a man in this1 he can resort to writing1 by which he can clearly and boldly express his feelings4 ,a spoken declaration should be bold1 manly and earnest1 and so plain in its meaning that there can be no misunderstanding4 ,as to the exact words to be used1 there can be no set formula2 each proposer must be governed by his own ideas and sense of propriety in the matter4 ,,do ,,not ,,press ,,an ,,unwelcome ,,suit4 ,a gentleman should evince a sincere and unselfish affection for his beloved1 and he will show as well as feel that her happiness must be considered before his own4 ,consequently he should not press an unwelcome suit upon a young lady4 ,if she has no affection for him1 and does not conceive it possible even to entertain any1 it is cruel to urge her to give her person without her love4 ,the eager lover may believe1 for the time being1 that such possession would satisfy him1 but the day will surely come when he will reproach his wife that she had no love for him1 and he will possibly make that an excuse for all manner of unkindness4 ,a ,,lady',s ,,first ,,refusal4 ,it is not always necessary to take a lady's first refusal as absolute4 ,diffidence or uncertainty as to her own feelings may sometimes influence a lady to reply in the negative1 and after-consideration cause her to regret that reply4 ,though a gentleman may repeat his suit with propriety after having been once repulsed1 still it should not be repeated too often nor too long1 lest it should degenerate into importuning4 ,no lady worthy any gentleman's regard will say no twice to a suit which she intends ultimately to receive with favor4 ,a lady should be allowed all the time she requires before making up her mind2 and if the gentleman grows impatient at the delay1 he is always at liberty to insist on an immediate answer and abide by the consequences of his impatience4 ,a ,,lady',s ,,positive ,,refusal4 ,a lady who really means no should be able to so say it as to make her meaning unmistakable4 ,for her own sake and that of her suitor1 if she really desires the suit ended her denial should be positive1 yet kind and dignified1 and of a character to let no doubt remain of its being final4 ,,trifling ,,with ,a ,,lady4 ,a man should never make a declaration in a jesting manner4 ,it is most unfair to a lady4 ,he has no right to trifle with her feelings for mere sport1 nor has he a right to hide his own meaning under the guise of a jest4 ,a ,,doubtful ,,answer4 ,nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable than a doubtful answer given under the plea of sparing the suitor's feelings4 ,it raises false hopes4 ,it renders a man restless and unsettled4 ,it may cause him to express himself or to shape his conduct in such a manner as he would not dream of doing were his suit utterly hopeless4 ,,how ,,to ,,treat ,a ,,refusal4 ,as a woman is not bound to accept the first offer that is made to her1 so no sensible man will think the worse of her1 nor feel himself personally injured by a refusal4 ,that it will give him pain is most probable4 ,a scornful no or a simpering promise to think about it is the reverse of generous4 ,in refusing1 the lady ought to convey her full sense of the high honor intended her by the gentleman1 and to add1 seriously but not offensively1 that it is not in accordance with her inclination1 or that circumstances compel her to give an unfavorable answer4 ,,unladylike ,,conduct ,,toward ,a ,,suitor4 ,it is only the contemptible flirt that keeps an honorable man in suspense for the purpose of glorifying herself by his attentions in the eyes of friends4 ,nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast of the offer she had received and rejected4 ,such an offer is a privileged communication4 ,the secret of it should be held sacred4 ,no true lady will ever divulge to anyone1 unless it may be to her mother1 the fact of such an offer4 ,it is the severest breach of honor to do so4 ,a lady who has once been guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a second opportunity for thus boasting4 ,no true-hearted woman can entertain any other feeling than that of commiseration for the man over whose happiness she has been compelled to throw a cloud1 while the idea of triumphing in his distress1 or abusing his confidence1 must be inexpressibly painful to her4 ,,the ,,rejected ,,suitor4 ,the duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear4 ,etiquette demands that he shall accept the lady's decision as final and retire from the field4 ,he has no right to demand the reason of her refusal4 ,if she assign it1 he is bound to respect her secret1 if it is one1 and to hold it inviolable4 ,to persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with marked attentions would be in the worst possible taste4 ,the proper course is to withdraw as much as possible1 from the circles in which she moves1 so that she may be spared reminiscences which cannot be otherwise than painful4 ,,presents ,,after ,,engagement4 ,when a couple become engaged1 the gentleman presents the lady with a ring1 which is worn on the ring-finger of the right hand4 ,he may also make her other small presents from time to time1 until they are married1 but if she has any scruples about accepting them1 he can send her flowers1 which are at all times acceptable4 ,,conduct ,,of ,,the ,,fiancee4 ,the conduct of the fiancee should be tender1 assiduous and unobtrusive4 ,he will be kind and polite to the sisters of his betrothed and friendly with her brothers4 ,yet he must not be in any way unduly familiar or force himself into family confidences on the ground that he is to be regarded as a member of the family4 ,let the advance come rather from them to him1 and let him show a due appreciation of any confidences which they may be pleased to bestow upon him4 ,the family of the young man should make the first advances toward an acquaintance with his future wife4 ,they should call upon her or write to her1 and they may with perfect propriety invite her to visit them in order that they may become acquainted4 ,,the ,,position ,,of ,,an ,,engaged ,,woman4 ,an engaged woman should eschew all flirtations1 though it does not follow that she is to cut herself off from all association with the other sex because she has chosen her future husband4 ,she may still have friends and acquaintances1 she may still receive visits and calls1 but she must try to conduct herself in such a manner as to give no offense4 ,,position ,,of ,,an ,,engaged ,,man4 ,the same rules may be laid down in regard to the other party to the contract1 only that he pays visits instead of receiving them4 ,neither should assume a masterful or jealous altitude toward the other4 ,they are neither of them to be shut up away from the rest of the world1 but must mingle in society after marriage nearly the same as before1 and take the same delight in friendship4 ,the fact that they have confessed their love for each other1 ought to be deemed a sufficient guarantee of faithfulness2 for the rest let there be trust and confidence4 ,,the ,,relations ,,of ,,an ,,engaged ,,couple4 ,a young man has no right to put a slight upon his future bride by appearing in public with other ladies while she remains neglected at home4 ,he is in future her legitimate escort4 ,he should attend no other lady when she needs his services2 she should accept no other escort when he is at liberty to attend her4 ,a lady should not be too demonstrative of her affection during the days of her engagement4 ,there is always the chance of a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip2 and over-demonstrations of love are not pleasant to be remembered by a young lady1 if the man to whom they are given by any chance fails to become her husband4 ,an honorable man will never tempt his future bride to any such demonstration4 ,he will always maintain a respectful and decorous demeanor toward her4 ,no young man who would shrink from being guilty of a great impropriety1 should ever prolong his visits beyond ten o'clock1 unless it be the common custom of the family to remain up and to entertain visitors to a later hour1 and the visit paid is a family one and not a tete-a-tete4 ,two hours is quite long enough for a call2 and the young man will give evidence of his affection no less than his consideration1 by making his visits short1 and1 if need be1 making them often1 rather than by prolonging to unreasonable hours4 ,,lovers' ,,disputes4 ,neither party should try to make the other jealous for the purpose of testing his or her affection4 ,such a course is contemptible2 and if the affections of the other are permanently lost by it1 the offending party is only gaining his or her just deserts4 ,neither should there be provocation to little quarrels for the foolish delight of reconciliation4 ,no lover will assume a domineering attitude over his future wife4 ,if he does so1 she will do well to escape from his thrall before she becomes his wife in reality4 ,a domineering lover will be certain to be more domineering as a husband4 ,,breaking ,,an ,,engagement4 ,sometimes it is necessary to break off an engagement4 ,many circumstances will justify this4 ,indeed anything which may occur or be discovered which shall promise to render the marriage an unsuitable or unhappy one is1 and should be accepted as1 justification for such rupture4 ,still1 breaking an engagement is always a serious and distressing thing1 and ought not to be contemplated without absolute and just reasons4 ,it is generally best to break an engagement by letter4 ,by this means one can express himself or herself more clearly1 and give the true reason for his or her course much better than in a personal interview4 ,the letter breaking the engagement should be accompanied by everything1 in the way of portraits1 letters or gifts1 that has been received during the engagement4 ,such letters should be acknowledged in a dignified manner1 and no efforts should be made or measures be taken to change the decision of the writer1 unless it is manifest that he or she is greatly mistaken in his or her premises4 ,a similar return of letters1 portraits and gifts should be made4 ,many men1 in taking retrospective glances1 remember how they were devoted to women1 the memory of whom calls up only a vague sort of wonder how they ever could have fallen into the state of infatuation in which they once were4 ,the same may be said of many women4 ,heart-breaking separations have taken place between young men and young women who have learned that the sting of parting does not last forever4 ,the heart1 lacerated by a hopeless or misplaced attachment1 when severed from the cause of its woe1 gradually heals and prepares itself to receive fresh wounds1 for affection requires either a constant contemplation of1 or intercourse1 with its object1 to keep it alive4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,etiquette of ,weddings4 ,the circumstances under which weddings take place are so varied1 and the religious forms observed in their solemnization so numerous1 that to lay down rules applicable to all cases would be a matter of great difficulty1 if not an impossibility4 ,consequently only those forms of marriage attended with the fullest ceremonies1 and all the attendant ceremonials will here be given1 and others may be modeled after them as the occasion may seem to require4 ,after the marriage invitations are issued1 the fiancee does not appear in public4 ,it is also de rigueur at morning weddings1 that she does not see the bridegroom on the wedding-day1 until they meet at the altar4 ,,the ,,bridemaids ,,and ,,groomsmen4 ,only relatives and the most intimate friends are asked to be bridemaids--the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom1 where it is possible4 ,the bridegroom chooses his best man and the groomsmen and ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age1 and from the relatives of his fiancee of a suitable age4 ,the dresses of the bridemaids are not given unless their circumstances are such as to make it necessary4 ,,the ,,bridal ,,costume4 ,the most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk1 high corsage1 a long wide veil of white tulle1 reaching to the feet1 and a wreath of maiden-blush roses with orange blossoms4 ,the roses she can continue to wear1 but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the ceremony4 ,,costumes ,,of ,,the ,,bridegroom ,,and ,,ushers4 ,the bridegroom and ushers1 at a morning wedding1 wear full morning dress1 dark blue or black frock coats1 or cut-aways1 light neckties1 and light trousers4 ,the bridegroom wears white gloves4 ,the ushers wear gloves of some delicate color4 ,,presents ,,of ,,the ,,bride ,,and ,,bridegroom4 ,where the bride makes presents to the bridemaids on her wedding-day1 they generally consist of some articles of jewelry1 not costly1 and given more as a memento of the occasion than for their own intrinsic worth4 ,the bridegroom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin of some quaint device1 or some other slight memento of the day1 as a slight acknowledgment of their services4 ,,ceremonials ,,when ,,there ,,are ,,no ,,ushers ,,or ,,bridemaids4 ,when there are no bridemaids or ushers the marriage ceremonials at the church are as follows3 ,the members of the bride's family proceed to the church before the bride1 who follows with her mother4 ,the bridegroom awaits them at the church and gives his arm to the bride's mother4 ,they walk up the aisle to the altar1 the mother falling back to her position on the left4 ,the father1 or relative representing him1 conducts the bride to the bridegroom1 who stands at the altar with his face turned toward her as she approaches1 and the father falls back to the left4 ,the relatives follow1 taking their places standing2 those of the bride to the left1 those of the groom to the right4 ,after kneeling at the altar for a moment1 the bride1 standing on the left of the bridegroom1 takes the glove off from her left hand1 while he takes the glove off from his right hand4 ,the service then begins4 ,the father of the bride gives her away by bowing when the question is asked1 which is a much simpler form than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman4 ,perfect self-control should be exhibited by all parties during the ceremony4 ,the bride leaves the altar1 taking the bridegroom's right arm1 and they pass down the aisle without looking to the right or left4 ,it is considered very bad form to recognize acquaintances by bows and smiles while in the church4 ,the bride and bridegroom drive away in their own carriage1 the rest following in their carriages4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,the ,,ceremony ,,only4 ,when the circle of friends on both sides is very extensive1 it has become customary of late to send invitations to such as are not called to the wedding breakfast1 to attend the ceremony at church4 ,this stands in the place of issuing cards4 ,no one must think of calling on the newly married couple who has not received an invitation to the ceremony at church1 or cards after their establishment in their new home4 ,,the ,,latest ,,ceremonials4 ,the latest ,new ,york form for conducting the marriage ceremony is substantially as follows3 ,when the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance1 the ushers1 in pairs march slowly up to the altar and turn to the right4 ,behind them follows the groom alone4 ,when he reaches the altar he turns1 faces the aisle1 and watches intently for the coming of his bride4 ,after a slight interval the bridemaids follow1 in pairs1 and at the altar turn to the left4 ,after another brief interval1 the bride1 alone and entirely veiled1 with her eyes cast down1 follows her companions4 ,the groom comes forward a few steps to meet her1 takes her hand1 and places her at the altar4 ,both kneel for a moment's silent devotion4 ,the parents of the bride1 having followed her1 stand just behind her and partly to the left4 ,the services by the clergyman now proceed as usual4 ,while the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church1 the bridemaids follow slowly1 each upon the arm of an usher1 and they afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her own door1 and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the reception room1 half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his--the first bridemaid retaining the place of honor4 ,,the ,,ushers' ,,duties4 ,the ushers at the door of the reception room offer themselves as escorts to parties1 who arrive slowly from the church1 conducting them to the bridal party1 and there presenting them by name4 ,this announcement becomes necessary when two families and two sets of friends are brought together for the first time4 ,if ladies are present without gentlemen1 the ushers accompany them to the breakfast or refreshment room1 or provide them with attendants4 ,at the church the ushers are the first to arrive4 ,they stand by the inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies1 as they enter1 to their proper seats in the church4 ,if a lady be accompanied by a gentleman1 the latter follows the usher and the lady to the seat shown her4 ,the ushers1 knowing the two families1 understand where to place the nearer1 and where the remoter relatives and friends of the bridal party1 the groom's friends being arranged upon the right of the entrance1 and the bride's upon the left4 ,the distribution of guests places the father 7or guardian7 of the bride at the proper place during the ceremony4 ,,another ,,form ,,of ,,church ,,ceremonials4 ,the ceremonials for the entry to the church by the bridal party may be varied to suit the taste4 ,precedents for the style already described are found among the highest social circles in ,new ,york and other large cities1 but there are brides who prefer the fashion of their grandmothers1 which is almost strictly an ,american fashion4 ,in this style1 the bridemaids1 each leaning upon the arm of a groomsman1 first pass up the aisle to the altar1 the ladies going to their left1 and the gentlemen to their right4 ,the groom follows with the bride's mother1 or some one to represent her1 leaning on his arm1 whom he seats in a front pew at the left4 ,the bride follows1 clinging to the arm of her father 7or near relative71 who leads her to the groom4 ,the father waits at her left and a step or two back of her1 until asked to give her away1 which he does by taking her right hand and placing it in that of the clergyman4 ,after this he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew1 and becomes her escort while they pass out of the church4 ,in case there are no bridemaids1 the ushers walk into church in pairs1 just in advance of the groom1 and parting at the altar1 half of them stand at one side and half at the other4 ,while the clergyman is congratulating the bride1 they pass out in pairs1 a little in advance of the wedded couple4 ,,weddings ,,at ,,home4 ,weddings at home vary but little from those at church4 ,the music1 the assembling of friends1 the entree of the bridal party to the position selected1 are the same4 ,an altar of flowers1 and a place of kneeling can be easily arranged at home4 ,the space behind the altar need be no wider than is allowed for the clergyman to stand4 ,the altar is generally only a fender or railing entirely wound and concealed by greenery or blossoms4 ,other floral accessories1 such as the marriage-bell1 horseshoe1 or white dove1 etc41 can be arranged with ease by a skillful florist1 if desired4 ,when the marriage ceremony is concluded1 the party turn in their places and face their friends1 who proceed to congratulate them4 ,if space be required1 the kneeling stool and floral altar may be removed1 a little later1 without observation4 ,,the ,,evening ,,wedding4 ,if the wedding occur in the evening1 the only difference in the ceremonials from those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen wear full evening dress1 and the bridal pair retire quietly to dress for their journey before the dancing party disperses1 and thus leave unobserved4 ,at the morning wedding only bridemaids1 ushers and relatives remain to witness the departure of the pair4 ,,at ,,home ,,receptions4 ,when the newly married couple commence life in a home of their own1 it is customary to issue at home cards for a few evenings1 at an early date after the wedding1 for informal receptions4 ,only such persons are invited as the young couple choose to keep as friends1 or perhaps only those whom they can afford to retain4 ,this is a suitable opportunity to carefully re-arrange one's social list1 and their list of old acquaintances may be sifted at the time of the beginning of housekeeping4 ,this custom of arranging a fresh list is admitted as a social necessity1 and nobody is offended4 ,,calls4 ,all guests and friends who receive at home invitations1 or who are invited to the church1 are required by etiquette to call upon the family of the bride1 or to leave their cards1 within ten days after the wedding4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,ring4 ,all churches at present use the ring1 and vary the sentiment of its adoption to suit the customs and ideas of their own rites4 ,a jeweled ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal1 but at present a plain gold circlet1 with the date of the engagement inscribed within1 is generally preferred4 ,the ring is removed by the groom at the altar1 passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony4 ,a jeweled ring is placed upon her hand by the groom on the way home from the church1 or as soon after the service as is convenient4 ,it stands guard over its precious fellow1 and is a confirmation of the first promise4 ,,the ,,marriage ,,ceremonials ,,of ,a ,,widow4 ,the marriage ceremonials of a widow differ from that of a young lady in not wearing the veil and orange blossoms4 ,she may be costumed in white and have her maids at the altar if she pleases4 ,this liberty1 however1 has only been given her within a few years4 ,on her wedding cards of invitation1 her maiden name is used as a part of her proper name2 which is done in respect to her parents4 ,having dropped the initials of her dead husband's name when she laid aside her mourning1 she uses her ,christian name4 ,if she has sons or unmarried daughters at the time she becomes again a wife1 she may prefix the last name of her children to her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they are interested in common with herself4 ,this respect is really due them1 and etiquette permits it1 although our social usages do not command its adoption4 ,the formalities which follow the marriage of a widow can seldom be regulated in the same manner as those of a younger bride4 ,no fixed forms can be arranged for entertainments1 which must be controlled by circumstances4 ,,invitations4 ,wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script4 ,neither ,old ,english nor ,german text are admissible in invitations4 ,the following is given as the latest form for invitations3 ,illustration3 ,mr4 ,mrs4 ,theodore ,grosser request your presence at the marriage of their daughter1 ,miss ,felicia ,grosser to ,mr4 ,julius ,c4 ,forsyth1 on ,wednesday1 ,september #eth1 at #ab o'clock4 ,st4 ,luke's ,church1 ,cass ,avenue4 ,this invitation requires no answer4 ,friends living in other towns and cities receiving it1 inclose their cards1 and send by mail4 ,residents call on the family within the prescribed time1 or as soon after as possible4 ,the invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same envelope1 generally conveyed on a square card1 the same size as the sheet of note paper which bears the invitation for the ceremony after it has been once folded across the middle4 ,the following is one of the adopted forms3 ,illustration3 ,at ,home1 ,wednesday1 ,september #eth1 from #ab until #c o'clock4 #bj ,main ,avenue4 ,the separate cards of the bride and groom are no longer necessary4 ,the card of admission to the church is narrower1 and is plainly engraved in large script1 as follows3 ,illustration3 ,st4 ,luke's ,church1 ,ceremony at #ab o'clock4 ,generally only half an hour intervenes between the ceremony and the reception4 ,,duties ,,of ,,those ,,invited4 ,people who receive ,at ,home wedding invitations1 are expected to acknowledge them as soon as received1 and never fail to accept1 unless for some very good reason4 ,guests invited to the house1 or to a marriage feast following the ceremony1 should not feel at liberty to decline from any whim or caprice4 ,,requirements ,,of ,,the ,,bridemaids ,,and ,,ushers4 ,bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but illness or some unavoidable accident to prevent them from officiating1 thus showing their appreciation of the friendship which has caused their selection to this honored position4 ,if by reason of sudden affliction1 some one of the bridemaids or ushers is prevented from attending1 a substitute should1 if possible1 be provided immediately4 ,the reasons for this1 however1 should be well understood1 that no opportunity may be given for uncharitable comments4 ,,bridal ,,presents4 ,when bridal presents are given1 they are sent to the bride previous to the day of the marriage ceremony4 ,as the universal bridal present has fallen into disuse1 this custom is not now considered obligatory1 and if immediate friends and relatives desire to make presents1 it should be spontaneous1 and in no sense considered obligatory4 ,these presents are not put on exhibition as formerly1 but are acknowledged by the bride in a private note to the donor4 ,it is not now considered in good form to talk about these contributions4 ,,arrangements ,,for ,,the ,,ceremonies4 ,in weddings at churches a master of ceremonies is often provided1 who is expected to be at the church as soon as the doors are opened4 ,he arranges beforehand for the spreading of a carpet from the church door to the pavement1 and if the weather be inclement1 he sees that an awning is also spread4 ,he also sees that a white ribbon is stretched across the main aisle of the church1 far enough back from the altar to afford sufficient room for all invited guests to occupy the front pews of the main aisle4 ,sometimes an arch of flowers extends over the aisle1 so as to divide those who come in wedding garments1 from those who do not4 ,the organist should be early at his post1 and is expected to play during the arrival of guests4 ,the order of the religious part of the marriage ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,fees4 ,there is no prescribed fee for performing the marriage ceremony4 ,it is regulated according to the means and liberality of the bridegroom1 but no less amount than five dollars should be given under any circumstances4 ,,the ,,congratulations4 ,at wedding receptions1 friends who congratulate the newly married couple should address the bride first1 if they have any previous acquaintance with her1 then the bridegroom1 then the bridemaids1 and after that the parents and family of the bride and groom4 ,they should give their good wishes to the bride and congratulate the bridegroom4 ,if they are acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the bride1 let them address him first and he will introduce them to his bride4 ,,the ,,bridal ,,tour4 ,the honeymoon of repose1 exempt from all claims of society1 is now prescribed by the dictates of common sense and fashion1 and the same arbiters unite in condemning the harrassing bridal tour4 ,it is no longer de rigueur to maintain any secrecy as to their plans for traveling1 when a newly married couple depart upon a tour4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,home ,life and ,etiquette4 ,home is the woman's kingdom1 and there she reigns supreme4 ,to embellish that home1 to make happy the lives of her husband and the dear ones committed to her trust1 is the honored task which it is the wife's province to perform4 ,all praise be to her who so rules and governs in that kingdom1 that those reared beneath her roof shall rise up and call her blessed4 ,a ,,home4 ,after marriage one of the first requirements for happiness is a home4 ,this can seldom be found in a boarding house or at a hotel1 and not always beneath the parental roof of either husband or wife4 ,it will oftenest be found in a house or even a cottage apart from the immediate association of relatives or friends1 acquaintances or strangers1 and here husband and wife may begin in reality1 that new life of which they have had fond dreams2 and upon their own actions must depend their future welfare4 ,,home ,,companionship4 ,illustration ,husband and wife should remember1 when starting out upon their newly wedded life1 that they are to be life companions1 that the affection they have possessed and expressed as lovers must ripen into a life-long devotion to one another's welfare and happiness1 that the closest friendship must be begotten from their early love1 and that each must live and work for the other4 ,they must seek to be congenial companions to each other1 so that every hour they pass together will be mutually enjoyable4 ,they should aim to have the same tastes so that what one enjoys will be alike enjoyable to the other1 and what is distasteful to one shall be no less so to the other4 ,each should yield in matters where it is right to yield1 and be firm only where duty is concerned4 ,with a firm trust in one another they should ever abide1 that each may say to the world1 ,i possess one on whose character and heart ,i can lean as upon a rock4 ,,conduct ,,of ,,husband ,,and ,,wife4 ,let neither ever deceive the other1 or do anything to shake the other's confidence1 for once deceived1 the heart can never wholly trust again4 ,fault-finding should only be done by gentle and mild criticism1 and then with loving words and pleasant looks4 ,make allowances for one another's weaknesses1 and at the same time endeavor to mutually repress them4 ,for the sake of mutual improvement the husband and wife should receive and give corrections to one another in a spirit of kindness1 and in doing so they will prepare themselves for the work ,god gives the parents of training lives for usefulness here and hereafter4 ,their motto should be faithful unto death in all things1 and they must exercise forbearance with each other's peculiarities4 ,let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues1 that neither may utter anything rude1 contemptuous or severe1 and guard their tempers1 that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one another's presence4 ,they should not expect too much from each other2 if either offends1 it is the part of the other to forgive1 remembering that no one is free from faults1 and that we are all constantly erring4 ,if1 perchance1 after they have entered upon the stern realities of life1 they find1 that they have made a mistake1 that they are not well mated1 then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end1 for better or for worse2 for only in this way can they find consolation for having found out1 when too late1 that they were unfitted for a life-long companionship4 ,a journalist has said3 ,no lessons learned by experience1 however sharply taught and sadly earned1 can enlighten the numbed senses which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination2 and things as plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night1 unfathomable as the sea1 to those who let themselves love before they prove4 ,,duties ,,of ,,the ,,wife ,,to ,,her ,,husband4 ,the wife should remember that upon her1 to the greatest extent1 devolves the duty of making home happy4 ,she should do nothing to make her husband feel uncomfortable1 either mentally or physically1 but on the other hand she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best calculated to please him1 continually showing him that her love1 plighted upon the altar1 remains steadfast1 and that no vicissitudes of fortune can change or diminish it4 ,she should never indulge in fits of temper1 hysterics1 or other habits of ill-breeding1 which1 though easy to conquer at first1 grow and strengthen with indulgence1 if she would retain her husband as her lover and her dearest and nearest friend4 ,she should be equally as neat and tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she appears in society1 and her manners towards her husband should be as kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company4 ,she should bear in mind that to retain the good opinion of her husband is worth far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of society1 and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her husband1 so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends4 ,she should be careful not to confide to another any small misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband1 should any occur4 ,this is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony that may occur between husband and wife1 for the more such misunderstandings are talked about1 and the more advice she receives from her confidants1 there is less probability that harmonious relations will be speedily resumed4 ,,the ,,wife ,a ,,helpmate4 ,a wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters1 keeping an exact account of her expenditures1 and carefully guarding against any extravagances2 and while her husband is industriously at work1 she should seek to encourage him1 by her own frugality1 to be economical1 thrifty1 enterprising and prosperous in his business1 that he may be better enabled1 as years go by and family cares press more heavily on each1 to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the luxuries of a happy home4 ,no condition is hopeless when the wife possesses firmness1 decision and economy1 and no outward prosperity can counteract indolence1 folly and extravagance at home4 ,she should consult the disposition and tastes of her husband1 and endeavor to lead him to high and noble thoughts1 lofty aims1 and temporal comfort2 be ever ready to welcome him home1 and in his companionship draw his thoughts from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and happiness4 ,the influence of a good wife over her husband may be very great1 if she exerts it in the right direction4 ,she should1 above all things1 study to learn the disposition of her husband1 and if1 perchance1 she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent temper1 the utmost discretion1 as well as perfect equanimity on her own part is required1 for she should have such perfect control over herself as to calm his perturbed spirits4 ,a ,,husband',s ,,duties4 ,it must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make married life and home happy4 ,she must be seconded in her noble efforts by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends1 to be his companion through life's pilgrimage4 ,he has placed her in a new home1 provided with such comforts as his means permit1 and the whole current of both their lives have been changed4 ,his constant duty to his wife is to be ever kind and attentive1 to love her as he loves himself1 even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness4 ,from his affection for her1 there should grow out a friendship and fellowship1 such as is possessed for no other person4 ,his evenings and spare moments should be devoted to her1 and these should be used for their intellectual1 moral and social advancement4 ,the cares and anxieties of business should not exclude the attentions due to wife and family1 while he should carefully keep her informed of the condition of his business affairs4 ,many a wife is capable of giving her husband important advice about various details of his business1 and if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs1 she will be able to govern her expenditures accordingly4 ,it is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to instruct her children1 to defer all matters pertaining to their discipline to her1 aiding her in this respect as she requires it4 ,in household matters the wife rules predominant1 and he should never interfere with her authority and government in this sphere4 ,it is his duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church1 to social gatherings1 to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both mutually enjoy and appreciate4 ,in fact he ought not to attend a social gathering unless accompanied by his wife1 nor go to an evening entertainment without her4 ,if it is not a fit place for his wife to attend1 neither is it fit for him4 ,while he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her faithfulness1 trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all places1 he should1 on his part1 remain faithful and constant to her1 and give her no cause of complaint4 ,he should pass by unnoticed any disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes1 taking care at the proper time1 and without giving offense1 to remind her of them1 with the idea of having her correct them4 ,he should never seek to break her of any disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess1 by ridiculing them4 ,he should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the welfare of her household1 or in laudable endeavors to promote the happiness of others1 by engaging in such works of benevolence and charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform4 ,the husband1 in fact1 should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect gentleman1 regarding her as the best lady in the land1 to whom1 above all other earthly beings1 he owes paramount allegiance4 ,if he so endeavors to act1 his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the many little courtesies which are due her1 and which every good wife cannot fail to appreciate4 ,the observance of the rules of politeness are nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle1 between husband and wife1 parents and children4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,home ,training4 ,our earliest and best recollections are associated with home4 ,there the first lessons of infancy are learned4 ,the mother's heart is the child's first school-room4 ,the parents' examples are first imitated by the child1 whose earliest impressions are gained from them4 ,in no way are evil habits more effectually propagated than by example1 and therefore parents should be what they wish their children to be4 ,,the ,,mother',s ,,influence4 ,to the mother belongs the privilege of planting in the hearts of her children those seeds of love1 which1 nurtured and fostered1 will bear the fruit of earnest and useful lives4 ,it is she who must fit them to meet the duties and emergencies of life1 and in this work of training she keeps her heart fresh and young1 and thereby insures the growth of those powers with which nature has endowed her4 ,as the faculties of man1 woman or child are brought into active exercise1 so do they become strengthened1 and the mother1 in doing her work in the training of her children1 grows in wisdom1 in knowledge and in power1 thus enabling her the better to perform her duties4 ,,parents ,,should ,,set ,,good ,,examples4 ,as children first acquire knowledge and habits from the examples of their parents1 the latter should be circumspect in all their actions1 manners and modes of speech4 ,if you wish your children's faces illumined with good humor1 contentment and satisfaction1 so that they will be cheerful1 joyous and happy1 day by day1 then must your own countenance appear illumined by the sunshine of love4 ,kind words1 kind deeds and loving looks are true works of charity1 and they are needed in our home circle4 ,never a tear bedims the eye1 ,that time and patience can not dry2 ,never a lip is curved with pain1 ,that can not be kissed into smiles again4 ,your children will form habits of evil speaking if they hear you deal lightly with the reputation of another--if they hear you slander or revile your neighbor4 ,if you wish your child to show charity toward the erring1 you must set the example by the habitual exercise of that virtue yourself4 ,without this your teaching will be of but little avail4 ,if you take pleasure in dwelling upon the faults of others1 if you refuse to cover over their infirmities with the mantle of charity1 your example will nullify your teaching1 and your admonitions will be lost4 ,,courtesies ,,in ,,the ,,home ,,circle4 ,mothers should early train their children to regard all the courtesies of life as scrupulously toward each other as to mere acquaintances and strangers4 ,this is the only way in which you can secure to them the daily enjoyment of a happy home4 ,when the external forms of courtesy are disregarded in the family circle1 we are sure to find contention and bickering perpetually recurring4 ,rudeness is a constant source of bickering4 ,each will have his own way of being rude1 and each will be angry at some portion of the ill-breeding of all the rest1 thus provoking accusations and retorts4 ,where the rule of life is to do good and to make others happy1 there will be found the art of securing a happy home4 ,it is said that there is something higher in politeness than ,christian moralists have recognized4 ,in its best forms1 none but the truly religious man can show it1 for it is the sacrifice of self in the habitual matters of life--always the best test of our principles--together with a respect for man as our brother1 under the same great destiny4 ,,early ,,moral ,,training4 ,the true test of the success of any education is its efficiency in giving full use of the moral and intellectual faculties wherewith to meet the duties and the struggles of life1 and not by the variety of knowledge acquired4 ,the development of the powers of the mind and its cultivation are the work of a teacher2 moral training is the work of the mother1 and commences long before one word of precept can be understood4 ,children should be early taught to regard the rights of others1 that they may early learn the rights which property confers and not entertain confused ideas upon this subject4 ,,formation ,,of ,,habits4 ,virtue is the child of good habits1 and the formation of habits may be said to almost constitute the whole work of education4 ,the mother can create habits which shall mold character and enable the mind to maintain that habitual sense of duty which gives command over the passions1 and power to fight temptation1 and which makes obedience to principle comparatively easy1 under most circumstances4 ,the social and domestic life are marred by habits which have grown into a second nature4 ,it is not in an occasional act of civility that the charm of either home or society consists1 but in continued practice of courtesy and respect for the rights and feelings of those around us4 ,whatever may be the precepts for a home1 the practices of the fireside will give form to the habits4 ,parents who indulge in gossip1 scandal1 slander and tale-telling1 will rear children possessing the same tastes and deteriorating habits4 ,a parent's example outlines the child's character4 ,it sinks down deep into his heart and influences his whole life for good or for evil4 ,a parent should carefully avoid speaking evil of others1 and should never exhibit faults requiring the mantle of charity to cover4 ,a parent's example should be such as to excite an abhorrence of evil speaking1 of tattling and of uncharitable construction of the motives of others4 ,let the mother begin the proper training of her children in early life and she will be able to so mold their characters that not only will they acquire the habit of bridling the tongue1 but they will learn to avoid the presence of the slanderer as they do a deadly viper4 ,,politeness ,,at ,,home4 ,genuine politeness is a great fosterer of domestic love1 and those who are habitually polished at home are those who exhibit good manners when abroad4 ,when parents receive any little attention from their children1 they should thank them for it4 ,they should ask a favor only in a courteous way2 never reply to questions in monosyllables1 or indulge in the rudeness of paying no attention to a question1 for such an example will be surely followed by the children4 ,parents sometimes thoughtlessly allow their children to form habits of disrespect in the home circle1 which crop out in the bad manners that are found in society4 ,,how ,,to ,,reprove4 ,parents should never check expressions of tenderness in their children1 nor humiliate them before others4 ,this will not only cause suffering to little sensitive hearts1 but will tend to harden them4 ,reproof1 if needed1 should be administered to each child singly and alone4 ,,cheerfulness ,,at ,,the ,,table4 ,children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the table4 ,joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood1 enlivens and invigorates it1 and sends it to all parts of the system1 carrying with it animation1 vigor and life4 ,controversy should not be permitted at the table1 nor should any subjects which call forth political or religious difference4 ,every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct1 interest or amuse4 ,business matters1 past disappointments and mishaps should not be alluded to1 nor should bad news be spoken of at the table1 nor for half an hour before4 ,all conversation should be of joyous and gladsome character1 such as will bring out pleasant remarks and agreeable associations4 ,reproof should never be administered at the table1 either to a child or to a servant2 no fault found with anything1 and no unkind word should be spoken4 ,if remarks are to be made of absent ones1 they should be of a kind and charitable nature4 ,thus will the family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years1 when the family shall have been scattered far and near1 and some1 perhaps1 have been laid in their final resting-place4 ,,train ,,children ,,for ,,some ,,occupation4 ,chancellor ,kent says3 ,without some preparation made in youth for the sequel of life1 children of all conditions would probably become idle and vicious when they grow up1 from want of good instruction and habits1 and the means of subsistence1 or from want of rational and useful occupations4 ,a parent who sends his son into the world without educating him in some art1 science1 profession or business1 does great injury to mankind1 as well as to his son and his own family1 for he defrauds the community of a useful citizen1 and bequeaths to it a nuisance4 ,that parent who trains his child for some special occupation1 who inspires him with a feeling of genuine self-respect1 has contributed a useful citizen to society4 ,,bad ,,temper4 ,dread an insubordinate temper1 and deal with it as one of the greatest evils4 ,let the child feel by your manner that he is not a safe companion for the rest of the family when he is in anger4 ,allow no one to speak to him at such times1 not even to answer a question4 ,take from him books1 and whatever he may have1 and place him where he shall feel that the indulgence of a bad temper shall deprive him of all enjoyment1 and he will soon learn to control himself4 ,,selfishness4 ,selfishness that binds the miser in his chains1 that chills the heart1 must never be allowed a place in the family circle4 ,teach the child to share his gifts and pleasures with others1 to be obliging1 kind and benevolent1 and the influence of such instruction may come back into your own bosom1 to bless your latest hours4 ,,home ,,maxims ,,for ,,training ,,children4 ,remember that children are men and women in miniature1 and though they should be allowed to act as children1 still our dealings with them should be manly and not morose4 ,remember also that every word1 tone and gesture1 nay1 even your dress1 makes an impression4 ,never correct a child on suspicion1 or without understanding the whole matter1 nor trifle with a child's feelings when under discipline4 ,be always mild and cheerful in their presence1 communicative1 but never extravagant1 trifling or vulgar in language or gesture4 ,never trifle with a child nor speak beseechingly when it is doing wrong4 ,always follow commands with a close and careful watch1 until the thing is done1 allowing no evasion and no modification1 unless the child ask for it1 and it be expressly granted4 ,never reprove children severely in company1 nor hold them up to ridicule1 nor make light of their failings4 ,never speak in an impatient1 pitiful manner1 if you have occasion to find fault4 ,never say to a child1 ,i don't believe what you say1 nor even imply your doubts4 ,if you have such feelings1 keep them to yourself and wait2 the truth will eventually be made plain4 ,never disappoint the confidence a child places in you1 whether it be a thing placed in your care or a promise4 ,always give prompt attention to a child when he speaks1 so as to prevent repeated calls1 and that he may learn to give prompt attention when you call him4 ,never try to impress a child with religious truth when in anger1 or talk to him of ,god1 as it will not have the desired effect4 ,do it under more favorable circumstances4 ,at the table a child should be taught to sit up and behave in a becoming manner1 not to tease when denied1 nor to leave his chair without asking4 ,a parent's wish at such time should be a law from which no appeal should be made4 ,even in sickness gentle restraint is better for a child than indulgence4 ,there should never be two sets of manners1 the one for home and the other for company1 but a gentle behavior should be always required4 ,illustration ,illustration3 ,,music4 ,a protection against vice1 ,an incentive to virtue4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,home ,culture4 ,the work of home culture should be made a matter of great importance to every one1 for upon it depends the happiness of earthly homes1 as well as our fitness for the enjoyment of the eternal home in heaven4 ,the sufferings endured here1 friend for friend1 parents for children1 unrequited sacrifices1 cares and tears1 all tend to discipline us1 and prepare us for the recompense which eternity brings4 ,,cultivate ,,moral ,,courage4 ,moral courage will be cultivated in your children as they observe that you say and do whatever you conscientiously believe to be right and true1 without being influenced by the views of others2 thus showing them that you fear nothing so much as failing to do your duty4 ,perhaps this may be difficult to do1 but every mother can at least show her appreciation of moral courage when she sees it exhibited by others1 and in this way incite its growth in the souls of her children4 ,moral courage is a rare endowment1 and those who possess it are able to act with perfect independence of the opinions of others1 and govern themselves only by the laws of propriety1 uprightness and charity4 ,,the ,,pernicious ,,influence ,,of ,,indolence4 ,if you would preserve your children from the pernicious influence of indolence and all its corrupting tendencies1 you must be earnest in purpose1 active1 energetic and fervent in spirit4 ,earnestness sharpens the faculties2 indolence corrodes and dulls them4 ,by the former we rise higher and higher1 by the latter we sink lower and lower4 ,indolence begets discontent1 envy and jealousy1 while labor elevates the mind and character4 ,cultivate in your children habits of thought which will keep their minds occupied upon something that will be of use or advantage1 and prevent them from acquiring habits of idleness1 if you would secure their future well-being4 ,it has been said that he who performs no useful act in society1 who makes no human being happier1 is leading a life of utter selfishness--a life of sin--for a life of selfishness is a life of sin4 ,there is nowhere room for idleness4 ,work is both a duty and a necessity of our nature1 and a befitting reward will ever follow it4 ,to foster and encourage labor in some useful form1 is a duty which parents should urge upon their children1 if they should seek their best good4 ,,self-,,respect4 ,it is the mother's duty to see that her children protect themselves from the many pit-falls which surround them1 such as malice1 envy1 conceit1 avariciousness1 and other evils1 by being clad in the armor of self-respect2 and then they will be able to encounter temptation and corruption1 unstained and unpolluted4 ,this feeling of self-respect is something stronger than self-reliance1 higher than pride4 ,it is an energy of the soul which masters the whole being for its good1 watching with a never-ceasing vigilance4 ,it is the sense of duty and the sense of honor combined4 ,it is an armor1 which1 though powerless to shield from sorrows that purify and invigorate1 yet will avert all hostile influences that assail1 from whatever source they come4 ,the mother having once made her children conscious that always and everywhere they carry with them such an angel to shield1 warn and rescue them1 may let them go out into the world1 and fear nothing from the wiles and temptations which may beset them4 ,,results ,,of ,,good-,,breeding ,,in ,,the ,,home ,,circle4 ,the laws of good-breeding in no place bear more gratifying results than in the home circle4 ,here1 tempered with love1 and nurtured by all kindly impulses1 they bear the choicest fruit4 ,a true lady will show as much courtesy1 and observe the duties of politeness as unfailingly1 toward every member of her family as toward her most distinguished guest4 ,a true gentleman will feel bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his intercourse with those who depend upon him for protection and example4 ,children influenced by such examples at home1 will never fail to show to their elders the respect due them1 to their young companions the same consideration for their feelings which they expect to meet with in return1 nor to servants that patience which even the best too often require4 ,in such a home peace and good will are the household gods4 ,,fault-,,finding ,,and ,,grumbling4 ,the oil of civility is required to make the wheels of domestic life run smoothly4 ,the habit of fault-finding and grumbling indulged in by some1 is an exceedingly vexatious one1 and will1 in time1 ruffle the calmest spirit and the sweetest temper4 ,it is the little annoyances1 perplexities and misfortunes which often render life a burden2 the little omission of minor duties and the committing of little faults that perpetually scourge us and keep the heart sore4 ,constant fault-finding1 persistent misrepresentations of motives1 suspicions of evil where no evil was intended1 will complete the work in all but the finest and most heroic natures4 ,they alone can stand the fiery test1 coming out purer and stronger for the ordeal4 ,children who habitually obey the commandment1 ,be kind to one another1 will find in mature life1 how strong the bonds of affection may be that bind the members of the household together4 ,,family ,,jars ,,not ,,to ,,be ,,made ,,public4 ,whatever may be the family disagreements1 they should never be made known outside of the home circle1 if it can be avoided4 ,those who expose the faults of the members of their family are severely judged by the world1 and no provocation can be a good excuse for it4 ,it is exceedingly vulgar1 not to say unchristianlike1 for the members of the same family to be at enmity with one another4 ,,yielding ,,to ,,one ,,another4 ,one of the greatest disciplines of human life1 is that which teaches us to yield our wills to those who have a claim upon us to do so1 even in trifling1 every-day affairs2 the wife to the husband1 children to parents1 to teachers and to one another4 ,in cases where principle is concerned1 it is1 of course1 necessary to be firm1 which requires an exercise of moral courage4 ,,conflicting ,,interests4 ,conflicting interests are a fruitful source of family difficulties4 ,the command of ,christ to the two brothers who came to ,him with their disputes1 ,beware of covetousness1 is as applicable among members of the same family now1 as it was when those words were spoken4 ,it is better that you have few or no business transactions with any one who is near and dear to you1 and connected by family ties4 ,in business relations men are apt to be very exact1 because of their habits of business1 and this exactness is too often construed by near friends and relatives as actuated by purely selfish motives4 ,upon this rock many a bark of family love has been wrecked4 ,,religious ,,education4 ,it is well to remember that every blessing of our lives1 every joy of our hearts and every ray of hope shed upon our pathway1 have had their origin in religion1 and may be traced in all their hallowed1 healthful influences to the ,bible4 ,with the dawn of childhood1 then1 in the earliest days of intelligence1 should the mind be impressed and stored with religious truth1 and nothing should be allowed to exclude or efface it4 ,it should be taught so early that the mind will never remember when it began to learn2 it will then have the character of innate1 inbred principles1 incorporated with their very being4 ,,obedience4 ,if you would not have all your instructions and counsels ineffectual1 teach your children to obey4 ,government in a family is the great safeguard of religion and morals1 the support of order and the source of prosperity4 ,nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a family than the insubordination and disobedience of children1 and there is no more painful and disgusting sight than an ungoverned child4 ,,influence ,,of ,,example4 ,never forget that the first book children read is their parents' example--their daily deportment4 ,if this is forgotten you may find1 in the loss of your domestic peace1 that while your children well know the right path1 they follow the wrong4 ,childhood is like a mirror1 catching and reflecting images all around it4 ,remember that an impious1 profane or vulgar thought may operate upon the heart of a young child like a careless spray of water upon polished steel1 staining it with rust that no efforts can thoroughly efface4 ,improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity1 which may never return4 ,it is the seed time1 and your harvest depends upon the seed then sown4 ,,the ,,influence ,,of ,,books4 ,few mothers can over-estimate the influence which the companionship of books exerts in youth upon the habits and tastes of their children1 and no mother who has the welfare of her children at heart will neglect the important work of choosing the proper books for them to read1 while they are under her care4 ,she should select for them such as will both interest and instruct1 and this should be done during the early years1 before their minds shall have imbibed the pernicious teachings of bad books and sensational novels4 ,the poison imbibed from bad books works so secretly that their influence for evil is even greater than the influence of bad associates4 ,the mother has it in her power to make such books the companions and friends of her children as her good judgment may select1 and to impress upon them their truths1 by conversing with them about the moral lessons or the intellectual instructions they contain4 ,a taste may be easily cultivated for books on natural science and for history1 as well as for those that teach important and wholesome lessons for the young1 such as are contained in the works of ,mrs4 ,edgeworth1 ,mrs4 ,child1 ,mrs4 ,yonge1 and many other books written for the young4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,woman's ,higher ,education4 ,it has been seen that in the rearing and training of her children1 woman has a great work to perform2 that in this work she exerts an incalculable influence upon untold numbers1 and that she molds the minds and characters of her sons and daughters4 ,how important1 then1 that she should cultivate her mental faculties to the highest extent1 if for no other reason than to fit herself the better for the performance of this great duty of educating her children4 ,how important it is1 also1 that she should look to the higher education of her daughters1 who1 in turn1 will become mothers of future generations1 or may1 perhaps1 by some vicissitude of fortune1 become dependent upon their own resources for support4 ,with the highest culture of the mental faculties1 woman will be best enabled to faithfully perform whatever she may undertake4 ,,train ,,young ,,women ,,to ,,some ,,occupation4 ,owing to the changes in social and industrial life which have crowded many women from their homes into business and public life1 women must train for their branch of labor as men train for their work1 if they wish to attain any degree of success4 ,even where women have independent fortunes1 their lives will be all the happier if they have been trained to some occupation1 that1 in case of reverses1 may be made a self-sustaining one4 ,a young woman who is able to support herself1 increases her chances for a happy marriage1 for1 not being obliged to rely upon a husband for support or for a home1 she is able to judge calmly of an offer when it comes1 and is free to accept or decline1 because of her independence4 ,women are capable of and adapted to a large number of employments1 which have hitherto been kept from them1 and some of these they are slowly wrenching from the hands of the sterner sex4 ,in order that women may enter the ranks of labor which she is forcing open to herself1 she needs a special education and training to fit her for such employment4 ,,education ,,of ,,girls ,,too ,,superficial4 ,the school instruction of our girls is too superficial4 ,there is a smattering of too many branches1 where two or three systematically studied and thoroughly mastered1 would accomplish much more for them in the way of a sound mental training1 which is the real object of education4 ,the present method of educating young girls is to give them from five to ten studies1 in which they prepare lessons1 and this1 too1 at an age when their physical development suffers and is checked by excess of mental labor4 ,such a course of instruction1 bestowing only a smattering of many branches1 wastes the powers of the mind1 and deters1 rather than aids1 self-improvement4 ,it is only a concentration of the mind upon the thorough acquisition of all it undertakes that strengthens the reflective1 and forms the reasoning1 faculties1 and thus helps to lay a solid foundation for future usefulness4 ,the word education means to educe1 to draw out the powers of the mind2 not the cramming into it of facts1 dates and whole pages to be repeated verbatim4 ,,an ,,education ,,appropriate ,,to ,,each ,,sex4 ,the fact is becoming more palpable every year that there is an education appropriate to each sex2 that identical education for the two sexes is so unnatural1 that physiology protests against it and experience weeps over it4 ,the physiological motto in education is1 ,educate a man for manhood1 a woman for womanhood1 and both for humanity4 ,herbert ,spencer1 in speaking of the want of a proper course of education for girls1 says3 ,it is an astonishing fact that1 though on the treatment of offspring depend their lives or deaths1 and their moral welfare or ruin1 yet not one word of instruction on treatment of offspring is ever given to those who will1 by and by1 be parents4 ,it will thus be seen1 that as women have the care1 the training and the education of children1 they need an education in a special direction1 and should have a very thorough one1 to prepare them for the task4 ,,women ,,should ,,have ,a ,,knowledge ,,of ,,the ,,laws ,,of ,,health4 ,physiology is one of the branches of that higher education1 which should be thoroughly pursued by women to enable them to fulfill the various duties of their allotted stations4 ,yet it is also desirable that they should have a thorough knowledge of all branches that they undertake1 and a mastery of the studies pursued by them2 for the want of thoroughness in woman's education is an obstacle to success in all branches of labor4 ,but woman should especially have a thorough knowledge of the laws of physiology and hygiene4 ,if she becomes a mother1 such knowledge will enable her to guard better the lives and health of her children4 ,she will understand that when she sends out her child insufficiently clad1 and he comes home chilled through1 that his vitality1 his power of resisting disease1 is wasted4 ,she will know that by taking the necessary precautions1 she may save the child's life2 that she must not take him thus chilled1 to the fire or into a room highly heated1 but that by gentle exercise or friction1 she must restore the circulation of the blood1 and in using such precautions1 she may ward off the attacks of disease that would surely follow if they were neglected4 ,this is but a single case1 for there are instances of almost daily occurrence when a proper knowledge of the laws of health will ward off disease1 in her own case1 as well as in those of various members of her household4 ,the diseases which carry off children1 are for the most part1 such as ought to be under the control of the women who love them1 pet them1 educate them1 and who would1 in many cases1 lay down their lives for them4 ,,result ,,of ,,ignorance ,,of ,,sanitary ,,laws4 ,ignorance of the laws of ventilation in sleeping-rooms and school-rooms is the cause of a vast amount of disease4 ,from ignorance of the signs of approaching disease1 children are often punished for idleness1 listlessness1 sulkiness and wilfulness1 and this punishment is too often by confinement in a closed room1 and by an increase of tasks2 when what is really needed is more oxygen1 more open-air exercise1 and less study4 ,these forms of ignorance have too often resulted in malignant typhus and brain fevers4 ,knowledge of the laws of hygiene will often spare the waste of health and strength in the young1 and will also spare anxiety and misery to those who love and tend them4 ,if the time devoted to the many trashy so-called accomplishments in a young lady's education1 were given to a study of the laws of preserving health1 how many precious lives might be spared to loving parents1 and how many frail and delicate forms1 resulting from inattention to physical training1 might have become strong and beautiful temples of exalted souls4 ,we are all in duty bound to know and to obey the laws of nature1 on which the welfare of our bodies depends1 for the full enjoyment of our faculties can only be attained when the body is in perfect health4 ,,idleness ,a ,,source ,,of ,,misery4 ,perhaps the greatest cause of misery and wretchedness in social life is idleness4 ,the want of something to do is what makes people wicked and miserable4 ,it breeds selfishness1 mischief-making1 envy1 jealousy and vice1 in all its most dreadful forms4 ,it is the duty of mothers to see that their daughters are trained to habits of industry1 that their minds are at all times occupied1 that they are well informed as to household duties1 and to the duties of married life1 for upon a knowledge of household details may depend their life-long happiness or misery4 ,it is frequently the case1 that a girl's education ends just as her mind is beginning to mature and her faculties are beginning to develop4 ,her education ends when it ought properly to begin4 ,she enters upon marriage entirely unprepared1 and1 perchance1 by some misfortune1 she is thrown penniless upon the world with no means of obtaining a livelihood1 for her education has never fitted her for any vocation4 ,not having been properly taught herself1 she is not able to teach1 and she finds no avenue of employment open to her4 ,an ,english clergyman1 writing upon this subject1 says3 ,let girls take a serious interest in art2 let them take up some congenial study1 let it be a branch of science or history4 ,let them write4 ,they can do almost anything they try to do1 but let their mothers never rest until they have implanted in their daughters' lives one growing interest beyond flirtation and gossip1 whether it be work at the easel1 music1 literature1 the structure of the human body and the laws of health1 any solid interest that will occupy their thoughts and their hearts4 ,idleness1 frivolity and ignorance can only be put down by education and employment4 ,in the last resort1 the spirit of evil becomes teacher and task-master4 ,,women ,,should ,,cultivate ,a ,,spirit ,,of ,,independence4 ,in this country more than any other1 women should1 to some extent1 cultivate a spirit of independence4 ,they should acquire a knowledge of how business is transacted1 of the relation between capital and labor1 and of the value of labor1 skilled and unskilled4 ,as housekeepers1 they would then be saved from many annoyances and mistakes4 ,if they chance to be left alone1 widows1 or orphans possessing means1 they would be saved from many losses and vexatious experiences by knowing how to transact their own business4 ,and those women who are obliged to take care of themselves1 who have no means1 how necessary is it that they should have a thorough knowledge of some occupation or business by which they can maintain themselves and others dependent upon them4 ,in this country1 the daughter brought up in affluence1 may1 by some rapid change of fortune1 be obliged1 upon arriving at maturity1 to be among the applicants for whatever employment she may be fitted4 ,if she has been trained to some useful occupation1 or if her faculties have been developed by a thoroughness of study of any subject she has undertaken1 she will be better qualified to prepare herself to fill any position which may be open to her4 ,with a mind drilled by constant study she will the more quickly acquire a knowledge and grasp the details of any subject or business to which she may devote herself4 ,,health ,,and ,,life ,,dependent ,,upon ,a ,,higher ,,culture4 ,not only wealth and comfort1 but health and life are dependent upon a higher form of culture1 a more thorough course of education than is now the standard4 ,not more1 but fewer branches of study and a more thorough comprehension of those pursued4 ,not only are the health and life of each woman dependent upon the kind and degree of the education she receives1 but the health and lives of great numbers may depend upon it4 ,in proportion as she has a knowledge of the laws and nature of a subject will she be able to work at it easily1 rapidly and successfully4 ,knowledge of physical laws saves health and life1 knowledge of the laws of intellect saves wear and tear of the brain1 knowledge of the laws of political economy and business affairs saves anxiety and worrying4 ,,cultivation ,,of ,,the ,,moral ,,sense4 ,a well educated moral sense prevents idleness and develops a well regulated character1 which will preserve from excess those tenderer emotions and deeper passions of woman1 which are potent in her for evil or for good1 in proportion as they are undisciplined and allowed to run wild1 or are trained and developed into a noble and harmonious self-restraint4 ,the girl who has so educated and regulated her intellect1 her tastes1 her emotions and her moral sense1 as to be able to discern the true from the false1 will be ready for the faithful performance of whatever work in life is allotted to her2 while she who is allowed to grow up ignorant1 idle1 vain1 frivolous1 will find herself fitted for no state of existence1 and1 in after years1 with feelings of remorse and despair over a wasted life1 may cast reproach upon those in whose trust was reposed her early education4 ,it is not for women alone that they should seek a higher education of their faculties and powers but for the sake of the communities in which they live1 for the sake of the homes in which they rule and govern1 and govern immortal souls1 and for the sake of those other homes in the humbler walks of life1 where they owe duties as ministering spirits as well as in their own1 for in proportion as they minister to the comfort and health of others1 so do they exalt their own souls4 ,women should seek a higher education in order that they may elevate themselves1 and that they may prepare themselves for whatever duty they may be called upon to perform4 ,in social life we find that the truest wives1 the most patient and careful mothers1 the most exemplary housekeepers1 the model sisters1 the wisest philanthropists and the women of the greatest social influence are women of cultivated minds4 ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,the ,art of ,letter ,writing4 ,a ,french writer says1 that the writing a note or letter1 the wording of a regret1 the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation1 the manner of a salutation1 the neglect of a required attention1 all betray to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good-breeding4 ,a person who has self-respect as well as respect for others1 should never carelessly write a letter or note4 ,,requirements ,,for ,,correct ,,writing4 ,the letter or note should be free from all flourishes4 ,the rules of punctuation should be followed as nearly as possible1 and no capital letters used where they are not required4 ,ink-blots1 erasures1 and stains on the paper are inadmissible4 ,any abbreviations of name1 rank or title are considered rude1 beyond those sanctioned by custom4 ,no abbreviations of words should be indulged in1 nor underlining of words intended to be made emphatic4 ,all amounts of money or other numbers should be written1 reserving the use of numerical figures for dates only4 ,it is a good form to have the address of the writer printed at the top of the sheet1 especially for all business letters4 ,for letters of friendship and notes1 pure white paper and envelopes are in better taste than tinted or colored1 and the paper should be of a superior quality4 ,when a page is once written from left to right side1 it should not be written over again from top to bottom4 ,,anonymous ,,letters4 ,no attention should ever be paid to anonymous letters4 ,the writers of such stamp themselves as cowardly1 and cowards do not hesitate to say or write what is not true when it suits their purpose4 ,all statements made in such letters should be regarded as false1 and the writers as actuated by some bad motives4 ,anonymous letters should be burned at once1 for they are not to be noticed4 ,,letters ,,and ,,notes4 ,the writing of notes in the third person is generally confined to notes of invitation1 and such notes are never signed4 ,when a letter is upon business1 commencing ,sir or ,dear ,sir1 the name of the person addressed may be written either at the beginning or at the close of the letter1 in the left hand corner4 ,in letters commencing with the name of the person to whom you are writing1 as1 ,my ,dear ,mrs4 ,brown1 the name should not be repeated in the left hand corner4 ,no notes should be commenced very high or very low on the page1 but nearer the top than the middle of the sheet4 ,,manner ,,of ,,address4 ,in addressing a clergyman1 it is customary to commence ,reverend ,sir1 or ,dear ,sir4 ,it is not now customary to write ,b4,a4 or ,m4,a4 after his name4 ,doctors of divinity and medicine are thus distinguished3 ,to the ,rev4 ,john ,blair1 ,d4,d41 or ,rev4 ,dr4 ,blair2 ,to ,g4,t4 ,roscoe1 ,m4,d41 ,doctor ,roscoe or ,dr4 ,roscoe4 ,the ,president of the ,united ,states and ,governors of ,states1 are addressed ,his ,excellency4 ,u4,s4 ,senators1 members of ,congress and men distinguished by holding various political offices of an honorable nature1 are addressed as ,honorable4 ,the superscription or address should be written upon the envelope as legibly as possible1 beginning a little to the left of the center of the envelope4 ,the number of the house and name of the street may be written immediately under this line1 or in the lower left hand corner1 as the writer sees fit4 ,the postage stamp should be securely fixed in the upper right hand corner of the envelope4 ,the following forms will show the appearance of a properly addressed envelope3 ,illustration3 ,thos4 ,y4 ,stevens1 ,esq4 ,chicago1 #gif ,ashland ,ave4 ,ills4 ,illustration3 ,stamp ,mr4 ,thos4 ,y4 ,stevens1 #gif ,ashland ,avenue1 ,chicago1 ,ills4 ,illustration3 ,stamp ,wm4 ,b4 ,houston ,esq41 ,wooster1 ,wayne ,county4 ,ohio4 ,in sending a letter in care of another person the following form is the manner in which the envelope should be addressed3 ,illustration3 ,stamp ,mrs4 ,s4,m4 ,thomas1 ,care of ,st4 ,louis1 ,h4,h4 ,johnson ,mo4 ,in sending a letter by a friend or acquaintance1 and not through the mail1 acknowledge the courtesy of your friend on the envelope4 ,the letter should not be sealed4 ,the following is the proper form3 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,julia ,c4 ,wheeler1 #gcd ,simson ,street1 ,kindness 7or ,politeness7 of ,dayton1 ,james ,steinfield4 ,ohio4 ,a note or letter sent to a friend residing in the same place1 by a messenger1 may be addressed as follows1 or bear the full address3 ,illustration3 ,miss ,mary ,wyman1 ,presented4 ,,form ,,of ,a ,,letter4 ,illustration3 ,denver1 ,may #ac1 #ahha4 ,my ,esteemed ,friend3 ,i received your very good letter1 and hasten to reply4 ,i am overjoyed at the prospects of a speedy return to the ancient1 but delightful ,city of the ,straits1 and anticipate spending a pleasant summer with you and my many friends4 ,we are making preparations to leave ,june #eth4 ,your old friend1 ,joe ,j4 ,wilson ,geo4 ,w4 ,smyth1 ,detroit1 ,mich4 ,,degrees ,,of ,,formality ,,observed4 ,in commencing and signing notes and letters there is a difference of opinion in the degrees of formality to be observed1 but generally this scale is used according to the degree of acquaintance or friendship4 ,madam or ,sir1 ,dear ,madam or ,dear ,sir1 ,my ,dear ,madam or ,my ,dear ,sir1 ,dear ,mrs4 ,brown or ,dear ,mr4 ,brown1 ,my ,dear ,mrs4 ,brown or ,my ,dear ,mr4 ,brown1 ,my ,dear ,friend4 ,in closing a note1 the degrees are implied as follows3 ,truly ,yours or ,yours ,truly1 ,very ,truly ,yours1 ,sincerely ,yours1 ,cordially ,yours1 ,faithfully ,yours1 ,affectionately ,yours4 ,the proper words should be carefully selected1 as the conclusion of a note or letter makes an impression on the person reading it4 ,to aged persons the form1 ,with great respect1 sincerely yours1 recommends itself as a proper form4 ,yours1 etc41 is considered a rude ending4 ,if you are sufficiently well acquainted with a person to address her ,my ,dear ,mrs4 ----1 do not sign ,yours ,truly1 or ,truly ,yours1 as this is the form to be used in writing to strangers or in business letters4 ,,signature ,,of ,,ladies4 ,a married lady should not sign herself with the ,mrs4 before her baptismal name1 or a single lady with the ,miss4 ,in writing to strangers who do not know whether to address you as ,mrs4 or ,miss1 the address should be given in full1 after signing your letter2 as ,mrs4 ,john ,smith1 followed by the direction2 or if unmarried1 the ,miss should be placed in brackets a short distance preceding the signature4 ,only the letters of unmarried ladies and widows are addressed with their baptismal names4 ,the letters of married ladies are addressed with their husbands' names1 as ,mrs4 ,john ,smith4 ,,letters ,,of ,,introduction4 ,letters of introduction should be brief and carefully worded4 ,give in full the name of the person introduced1 the city or town he is from1 intimating the mutual pleasure that you believe the acquaintance will confer1 adding a few remarks concerning the one introduced1 as circumstances seem to require4 ,modest persons sometimes shrink from delivering letters of introduction which appear to them to be undeservedly complimentary4 ,letters of introduction are left unsealed1 to be sealed before delivery by the one introduced4 ,they should receive immediate attention by the parties who receive them4 ,when a gentleman delivers such a letter to a lady1 he is at liberty to call upon her1 sending her his card to ascertain whether she will receive him then1 or appoint another hour that will be more convenient4 ,the same rule is to be observed by those whose stay in the city is short4 ,he may also send it to her with his card bearing his address4 ,a letter of introduction should not be given1 unless the person writing it is very well acquainted with the one whom he introduces1 and the one to whom he writes4 ,if the person who receives such a letter is really well-bred1 you will hear from him or her within twenty-four hours1 for a letter of introduction is said to be like a draft1 it must be cashed at sight4 ,the one receiving it either invites you to dine1 or to meet others1 or to a drive1 or to visit some place of amusement4 ,too great caution cannot be exercised in giving a letter which makes such demands upon an acquaintance4 ,when the letter of introduction is left with a card1 if there is a gentleman in the family1 he may call upon the stranger the next day1 unless some engagement prevents1 when he should send his card with an invitation4 ,if the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady1 she may write a note of invitation in answer1 appointing a time for him to call4 ,the following is an appropriate form for a letter of introduction4 ,illustration ,illustration3 ,new ,york1 ,dec #bj1 #ahhj4 ,dear ,sir3 ,i take great pleasure in introducing to you my esteemed friend1 ,miss ,ida ,a ,thornton1 a young lady of culture and refinement1 who will spend a few months in your city4 ,i am sure that an acquaintance with her will be a pleasure to you1 as it will also be to ,miss ,thornton4 ,any favor you may show her during her stay in your city1 ,i will consider a personal favor4 ,yours ,sincerely1 ,mrs4 ,j4,q4,a4 ,jones4 ,to ,geo4 ,morris1 ,chicago4 ,the envelope containing a letter of introduction1 should be addressed as follows3 ,illustration3 ,geo4 ,morris1 ,esq4 #afga ,jackson ,street1 ,chicago1 ,introducing ,ill4 ,miss ,ida ,a4 ,thornton4 ,,notes ,,of ,,congratulation ,,or ,,condolence4 ,notes of congratulation and condolence should be brief1 and the letter should only be sent by near and intimate friends4 ,do not allude to any subject except the one for which you are offering your congratulations or sympathy4 ,such notes should be made expressive of real feeling1 and not be mere matters of form4 ,,invitation ,,to ,a ,,reception4 ,for a general reception1 invitations are printed on cards4 ,their style is like the following1 and do not require an answer unless ,r4,s4,v4,p4 is upon one corner4 ,illustration3 ,mrs4 ,j4,l4 ,ashton1 ,at home1 ,wednesday ,evening1 ,jan4 #f1 ,no4 #bdh ,james ,st #h to #aa ,p4,m4 ,,invitation ,,to ,a ,,ball4 ,the ,at ,home form of invitation for a reception is often adopted for a ball with the word ,dancing in one corner1 though many people use the ,at ,home form only for receptions4 ,for balls the hours are not limited as at receptions4 ,when the above form is not used for a ball1 the invitation may read as follows3 ,mrs4 ,blair requests the pleasure of ,miss ,milton's company at a ball1 on ,tuesday1 ,february #g1 at #i o'clock4 ,invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the house1 and require an answer1 which should not be delayed4 ,if the invitation is accepted1 the answer should be as follows3 ,miss ,milton accepts with pleasure ,mrs4 ,blair's kind invitation for ,tuesday1 ,february #g4 ,if it is found impossible to attend1 a note of regrets1 something like the following1 should be sent3 ,miss ,milton regrets that intended absence from home 7or whatever may be the preventing cause7 prevents her accepting ,mrs4 ,blair's kind invitation for ,february #g4 ,,invitation ,,to ,a ,,large ,,party4 ,the invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball1 only the words at a ball are omitted1 and the hour may be earlier4 ,the notes of acceptance and regret are the same as for a ball4 ,if the party is a small one1 it should be indicated by inserting the words1 to a small evening party1 so that there may be no misunderstanding4 ,a large party calls for full evening dress1 and it would be embarrassing for a lady or gentleman to go to a house in full evening dress1 expecting to find a large party there in similar costumes1 and meet only a few friends and acquaintances plainly dressed4 ,if there is any special feature which is to give character to the evening1 it is best to mention this fact in the note of invitation4 ,thus the words musical party1 to take part in dramatic readings1 amateur theatricals1 will denote the character of the evening's entertainment4 ,if you have programmes1 enclose one in the invitation4 ,,invitation ,,to ,a ,,public ,,entertainment4 ,an invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend a concert1 lecture1 theatre1 opera or other amusement1 may read as follows3 ,mr4 ,hayden would be pleased to have ,miss ,morton's company to the ,academy of ,music1 on ,monday evening1 ,november #h1 when ',richelieu' will be played by ,edwin ,booth's ,company4 ,an invitation of this kind demands an immediate answer of acceptance or regrets4 ,a previous engagement may be a reason for rejection4 ,,dinner ,,invitations4 ,these are written in the name of the husband and wife1 and demand an immediate reply4 ,this form may be used3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,eugene ,snow request the pleasure of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,horace ,allen's company at dinner1 on ,tuesday1 the #acth of ,january1 at #g o'clock4 ,a note of acceptance may read as follows3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,horace ,allen accept with pleasure ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,eugene ,snow's kind invitation to dine with them on ,tuesday1 the #acth inst41 at #g o'clock4 ,a note of regret may read3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,horace ,allen regret exceedingly that sickness in the family 7or whatever the cause may be7 prevents the acceptance of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,eugene ,snow's kind invitation to dine with them on ,tuesday1 ,january #acth4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,tea4 ,an invitation to a tea-drinking may be less formal and should partake more of the nature of a private note2 thus3 ,dear ,miss ,brock3 ,some friends are coming to drink tea with me on ,thursday1 and ,i should be glad of the pleasure of your company also4 ,please do not disappoint me4 ,an invitation of this informal nature needs no reply1 unless ,r4,s4,v4,p4 is appended1 in which case the answer must be returned1 if possible1 by the messenger who brought it1 or sent at once1 as your friend may depend upon having a certain number of people at her tea-drinking1 and if you cannot go1 she will want to supply your place4 ,,less ,,formal ,,invitations4 ,invitations of a less formal character are sent for charades1 private theatricals1 and for archery1 croquet1 sailing and garden parties2 but1 however informal the invitation 7except only when a visiting card is used7 on no account neglect to give immediate attention to it1 by sending an acceptance or a regret1 for any want of courtesy in this respect is unpardonable4 ,,promptness ,,in ,,answering4 ,all invitations requiring answers should be answered as soon as possible after receiving them4 ,the ,french have a saying1 applicable to all notes of invitation1 to the effect that it is as important to reply as promptly to a note requiring an answer1 as it is to a question in speaking4 ,all refined people who are accustomed to the best social forms1 consider that it would be an unpardonable negligence to omit for a single day replying to an invitation or a note requiring a reply4 ,in accepting dinner invitations1 repeat the hour and day named in your letter of acceptance1 in order that if any mistake has been made it may be corrected4 ,promptly acknowledge all attentions you receive1 such as receiving presents of books1 flowers1 etc4 ,,expressions ,,to ,,be ,,used4 ,the expression presents compliments has become obsolete in the writing of invitations4 ,the expression kind or very kind invitation has taken the place of polite1 in notes of acceptance or regret4 ,be particular to distinguish between go and come1 you go to a friend's house and your friend comes to your house4 ,,time ,,to ,,send ,,invitations4 ,invitations for parties and entertainments of a formal nature1 can be sent out for a week or two weeks before the entertainment is to take place4 ,a notice of not less than one week is expected for such invitations4 ,they should be printed or engraved on small note paper or large cards1 with the envelopes to match1 with no colors in the monogram1 if one is used4 ,,invitations ,,for ,,several ,,members ,,of ,a ,,family4 ,it is not considered good form to have one card of invitation answer for several persons belonging to the same family1 or to address an invitation ,mrs4 ,blank and family1 as it indicates a scarcity of cards4 ,one card or invitation may be sent to ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,blank1 and one each to the several members of the family who are to be invited4 ,,the ,,least ,,formal ,,invitations4 ,the least formal1 of formal invitations1 is when a lady sends or leaves her own visiting card with the invitation upon it4 ,an invitation of this kind need not be answered unless an ,r4,s4,v4,p4 7,respondez s'il vous plait71 is on the card4 ,you go or not1 as you please1 but if you do not go1 you call1 or leave a card as soon after as is convenient4 ,,uncivil ,,answers4 ,uncivil and curt1 not to say rude1 answers are sometimes returned to invitations1 more frequently the result of carelessness in their writers than of premeditated rudeness4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,adam ,brown regret that they cannot accept ,mrs4 ,smith's invitation for ,wednesday evening1 is a rude form of regret4 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,adam ,brown decline ,mrs4 ,moses ,smith's invitation for ,friday evening1 is a still ruder form4 ,a curt and thoughtless reply is3 ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,adam ,brown's compliments and regrets for ,friday evening4 ,,reasons ,,for ,,regrets4 ,all regrets from persons who are not able to accept invitations1 should contain a reason for regretting1 is a rule strictly observed in our best society1 and is considered especially binding in answering a first invitation4 ,if persons are in mourning1 they regret that a recent bereavement prevents them from accepting4 ,those contemplating being absent from home1 regret that contemplated absence from home prevents them from accepting4 ,a previous engagement is made the excuse when there is an engagement either at home or away from it1 and also when one has no inclination to accept2 which makes it quite necessary for those who really regret their inability to accept1 to mention what that engagement is4 ,,the ,,family ,,letter4 ,it seems hardly necessary to give the form of a letter from one member of a family to another4 ,it is often the case that letters sent from home to an absent member are decidedly unsatisfactory1 if not to a great extent of little interest outside of one or two facts mentioned4 ,consequently some hint as to what those letters should be1 are here given4 ,they should be written as though the writer were talking1 using familiar expressions1 and such peculiarities as the writer possesses in ordinary speech should find a place in the letter4 ,the writer may speak of many trivial things at and about home1 and gossipy matters in the neighborhood1 and should keep the absent one posted upon all minor facts and occurrences1 as well as the more important ones4 ,the writer may make inquiries as to how the absent one is enjoying himself1 whether he finds any place better than home1 and ask such other questions as he may desire1 concluding with sincere expressions of affection from various members of the family4 ,the absent one may1 in like manner1 express himself freely on all subjects1 describe his journey minutely1 and speak of whatever he may feel deep interest in4 ,in short1 a family letter may be as gossipy as the writer can make it1 without much regard to an attempt at showy or dignified composition4 ,,the ,,letter ,,of ,,friendship4 ,this should be of a more dignified tone1 contain less trivialities than the family letter1 and should embrace matters that will be of interest to both4 ,a letter of friendship should be answered in due time1 according to the intimacy of the parties1 but should not be delayed long enough to allow the friendship to cool1 if there is a desire to keep it warm4 ,,the ,,love ,,letter4 ,of this it may be only said1 that while it may be expressive of sincere esteem and affection1 it should be of a dignified tone1 and written in such a style1 that if it should ever come under the eyes of others than the party to whom it was written1 there may be found in it nothing of which the writer may be ashamed1 either of silliness or of extravagant expression4 ,,business ,,letters4 ,these should be brief and to the point1 should be of plain chirography1 and relate to the business in hand1 in as few words and as clearly as possible4 ,begin at once without apology or explanation1 and finish up the matter pertaining to the business4 ,if an apology or explanation is due1 it may be made briefly at the close of the letter1 after the business has been attended to4 ,a letter on business should be answered at once1 or as soon as possible after receiving it4 ,it is allowable1 in some cases1 upon receiving a brief business letter1 to write the reply on the same page1 beneath the original letter1 and return both letter and answer together4 ,among business letters may be classed all correspondence relating to business1 applications for situations1 testimonials regarding the character of a servant or employe1 letters requesting the loan of money or an article1 and letters granting or denying the favor2 while all forms of drawing up notes1 drafts and receipts may properly be included4 ,the forms of some of these are here given4 ,,letters ,,requesting ,,employment4 ,a letter of this kind should be short1 and written with care and neatness1 that the writer may both show his penmanship and his business-like qualities1 which are often judged of by the form of his letter4 ,it may be after this fashion3 ,,new ,,york1 ,march #a1 #ahhj4 ,,messrs4 ,,lord ,,noble1 ,,dear ,,sirs3 ,having heard that you are in need of more assistance in your establishment 7or store1 office7 ,i venture to ask you for employment4 ,i can refer you to ,messrs4 ,jones ,smith1 my late employers1 as to my qualifications1 should you decide to consider my application4 ,yours truly1 ,,james ,,roberts4 ,,letters ,,regarding ,,the ,,character ,,of ,a ,,servant4 ,,dear ,,madam3 ,sarah ,riley1 having applied to me for the position of cook1 refers me to you for a character4 ,i feel particularly anxious to obtain a good servant for the coming winter1 and shall therefore feel obliged by your making me acquainted with any particulars referring to her character1 and remain1 madam1 ,your very obedient servant1 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,,stone4 ,,to ,,mrs4 ,,alfred ,,stark4 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,,stone1 ,,dear ,,madam3 ,it gives me pleasure to say that ,sarah ,riley lived with me for two years1 and during that time ,i found her active1 diligent and efficient4 ,she is a superior cook1 and ,i have full confidence in her honesty4 ,i feel that ,i can recommend her with full confidence of her being likely to give you satisfaction4 ,i am1 madam1 ,your very obedient servant1 ,,mrs4 ,,alfred ,,stark4 ,,mrs4 ,,george ,,stone1 ,,dear ,,madam3 ,in replying to your note of inquiry1 ,i beg to inform you that ,sarah ,riley1 who lived with me in the capacity of cook1 left my services because ,i did not find her temper and habits in all respects satisfactory4 ,she was thoroughly competent as a cook1 but in other respects ,i cannot conscientiously recommend her4 ,i remain1 ,yours1 very truly1 ,,mrs4 ,,alfred ,,stark4 ,,notes1 ,,drafts1 ,,bills ,,and ,,receipts4 ,the following are forms of notes1 drafts1 receipts1 etc43 ,promissory ,note ,without ,interest4 #ejj4 ,,cincinnati1 ,o41 ,june #f1 #ahhj4 ,sixty days after date1 ,i promise to pay ,samuel ,archover1 or order1 at my office in ,cincinnati1 five hundred dollars1 value received4 ,,timothy ,,mortgrave4 ,promissory ,note ,with ,interest but not ,negotiable4 #abe4cj4 ,,chicago1 ,sept4 #b1 #ahhj4 ,for value received1 ,i promise to pay ,daniel ,cartright one hundred and twenty-five dollars and thirty cents1 on ,august #abth next1 with interest at seven per cent4 after ,january #a1 #ahha4 ,,john ,s4 ,,allbright4 ,a ,negotiable ,note ,payable to ,bearer4 #ge4 ,,detroit1 ,,mich41 ,oct4 #h1 #ahha4 ,thirty days after date1 for value received1 ,i promise to pay ,silas ,g4 ,smithers1 or bearer1 at my office in ,detroit1 seventy-five dollars with interest from date4 ,,samuel ,q4 ,,pettibone4 ,form of a ,receipt4 #be4 ,,new ,,york1 ,nov4 #c1 #ahhj4 ,received from ,james ,o4 ,mitchell1 twenty-five dollars1 to apply on account4 ,,smith1 ,,jones ,,co4 ,form of a ,draft1 ,time from ,sight4 #a1jjj4 ,,detroit1 ,,mich41 ,july #g1 #ahhj4 ,at ten days sight1 pay to the order of ,j4 ,smith ,co41 one thousand dollars1 and charge the same to the account of ,,shepard ,,niles ,,to ,,samuel ,,stoker ,,co41 ,indianapolis1 ,ind4 ,a ,draft or ,order ,without ,grace4 #age4 ,,cincinnati1 ,,ohio1 ,aug4 #ab1 #ahhj4 ,at sight1 without grace1 pay to ,f4 ,b4 ,dickerson ,co41 one hundred and seventy-five dollars1 and charge to the account of ,h4,s4 ,morehouse4 ,,to ,,traders' ,,national ,,bank1 ,cincinnati1 ,ohio4 ,form of a ,bill4 ,,buffalo1 ,n4,y41 ,dec4 #f1 #ahhj4 ,,martin ,,hughes1 ,dr4 ,,to ,,john ,j4 ,,hart4 ,four volumes ,history of ,france1 at #b4ej per volume1 #aj4jj4 ,received payment4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,general ,rules of ,conduct4 ,in society1 everybody should receive equal attention1 the young as well as the old4 ,a high authority says1 ,if we wish our young people to grow up self-possessed and at ease1 we must early train them in those graces by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of maturer years4 ,if we snub them1 and systematically neglect them1 they will acquire an awkwardness and a deprecatory manner1 which will be very difficult for them to overcome4 ,,gracefulness ,,of ,,carriage4 ,physical education is indispensable to every well-bred man and woman4 ,a gentleman should not only know how to fence1 to box1 to ride1 to shoot and to swim1 but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully1 and how to dance1 if he would enjoy life to the utmost4 ,a graceful carriage can best be attained by the aid of a drilling master1 as dancing and boxing are taught4 ,a man should be able to defend himself from ruffians1 if attacked1 and also to defend women from their insults4 ,dancing and calisthenics are also essential for a lady1 for the better the physical training1 the more graceful and self-possessed she will be4 ,every lady should know how to dance1 whether she intends to dance in society or not4 ,swimming1 skating1 archery1 games of lawn-tennis1 and croquet1 riding and driving1 all aid in strengthening the muscles and giving open air exercise1 and are therefore desirable recreations for the young of both sexes4 ,,attitude4 ,awkwardness of attitude is a mark of vulgarity4 ,lolling1 gesticulating1 fidgeting1 handling an eye-glass1 a watch-chain or the like1 gives an air of gaucherie4 ,a lady who sits cross-legged or sidewise on her chair1 who stretches out her feet1 who has a habit of holding her chin1 or twirling her ribbons or fingering her buttons2 a man who lounges in his chair1 nurses his leg1 bites his nails1 or caresses his foot crossed over on his knee1 shows clearly a want of good home training4 ,each should be quiet and graceful1 either in their sitting or standing position1 the gentleman being allowed more freedom than the lady4 ,he may sit cross-legged if he wishes1 but should not sit with his knees far apart1 nor with his foot on his knee4 ,if an object is to be indicated1 you must move the whole hand1 or the head1 but never point the finger4 ,,coughing1 ,,sneezing1 ,,etc4 ,coughing1 sneezing1 clearing the throat1 etc41 if done at all1 must be done as quickly as possible4 ,snuffing1 hawking and expectorating must never be done in society4 ,a sneeze can be checked by pressing the thumb or fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose4 ,if not checked1 the face should be buried in the handkerchief1 during the act of sneezing1 for obvious reasons4 ,,anecdotes1 ,,puns ,,and ,,repartees4 ,anecdotes should be seldom brought into a conversation4 ,puns are always regarded as vulgar4 ,repartee should be indulged in with moderation1 and never kept up1 as it degenerates into the vulgarity of an altercation4 ,a ,,sweet ,,and ,,pure ,,breath4 ,the breath should be kept sweet and pure4 ,onions are the forbidden fruit1 because of their offensiveness to the breath4 ,no gentleman should go into the presence of ladies smelling of tobacco4 ,,smoking4 ,it is neither respectful nor polite to smoke in the presence of ladies1 even though they have given permission1 nor should a gentleman smoke in a room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting4 ,in those homes when the husband is permitted to smoke in any room of the house1 the sons will follow the father's example1 and the air of the rooms becomes like that of a public house4 ,,suppression ,,of ,,emotion4 ,suppression of undue emotion1 whether of laughter1 of anger1 or of mortification1 of disappointment1 or of selfishness in any form1 is a mark of good breeding4 ,a ,,good ,,listener4 ,to be a good listener is almost as great an art as to be a good talker2 but it is not enough only to listen1 you must endeavor to seem interested in the conversation of those who are talking4 ,only the low-bred allow their impatience to be manifest4 ,,give ,,precedence ,,to ,,others4 ,give precedence to those older or of higher social position than yourself1 unless they required you to take the precedence1 when it is better to obey than to refuse4 ,be more careful to give others their rank of precedence than to take your own4 ,,be ,,moderate4 ,always express your own opinions with modesty1 and1 if called upon1 defend them1 but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings4 ,do not enter into argument4 ,having spoken your mind1 and thus shown you are not cowardly in your beliefs and opinions1 drop the subject and lead to some other topic4 ,there is seldom any profit in idle discussion4 ,,singing ,,and ,,playing ,,in ,,society4 ,a lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play3 but being requested to do so1 if she intends to comply1 she should do so at once1 without waiting to be urged4 ,if she refuses1 she should do so in a manner that shall make her decision final4 ,having complied1 she should not monopolize the evening with her performances1 but make room for others4 ,,receiving ,,and ,,making ,,presents4 ,emerson says3 ,our tokens of love are for the most part barbarous1 cold and lifeless1 because they do not represent our life4 ,the only gift is a portion of thyself4 ,therefore let the farmer give his corn2 the miner his gem2 the sailor coral or shells2 the painter his picture1 and the poet his poem4 ,to persons of refined nature1 whatever the friend creates takes added value as part of themselves--part of their lives1 as it were1 having gone into it4 ,people of the highest rank1 abroad1 will often accept1 with gratitude1 a bit of embroidery done by a friend1 a poem inscribed to them by an author2 a painting executed by some artist2 who would not care for the most expensive bauble that was offered them4 ,mere costliness does not constitute the soul of a present2 it is the kind feeling that it manifests which gives it its value4 ,people who possess noble natures do not make gifts where they feel neither affection nor respect1 but their gifts are bestowed out of the fullness of kind hearts4 ,a present should be acknowledged without delay1 but you must not follow it quickly by a return4 ,it is to be taken for granted that a gift is intended to afford pleasure to the recipient1 not to be regarded as a question of investment or exchange4 ,never allude to a present you have given1 unless you have reason to believe that it has not been received by the person to whom it was sent4 ,unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen who are neither related nor engaged to them1 nor indebted to them for some marked favors4 ,a married lady may accept presents from a gentleman who is indebted to her for hospitality4 ,in presenting a book to a friend1 do not write in it the name of the person to whom it is given4 ,but this is a rule better honored in its breach than in its observance1 when the giver of the book is its author4 ,presents made by a married lady to a gentleman1 should be in the name of both herself and her husband4 ,never refuse a present if offered in kindness1 unless the circumstances are such that you cannot1 with propriety1 receive it4 ,nor1 in receiving a present1 make such comments as would seem to indicate that your friend cannot afford to make the present4 ,on the other hand1 never make a present which you cannot afford to make4 ,in that case the recipient1 if he or she knows anything of your circumstances1 will think that you had better kept it yourself4 ,,governing ,,our ,,moods4 ,we should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society4 ,to look pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others4 ,neither should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health1 state of mind or outward circumstances4 ,nevertheless1 if another makes us the confidant of his woes1 we should strive to appear sympathetic1 and if possible help him to be stronger under them4 ,a lady who shows by act1 or expresses in plain1 curt words1 that the visit of another is unwelcome1 may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite4 ,but she is1 in reality1 worse4 ,she is grossly selfish4 ,courtesy requires her1 for the time being1 to forget her own feelings1 and remember those of her visitor1 and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she remains4 ,a ,,lady ,,driving ,,with ,a ,,gentleman4 ,when a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton1 he should walk to her house1 if he accepts the invitation1 unless1 the distance being great1 she should propose to call for him4 ,in that case he will be on the watch1 so as not to keep her waiting1 and1 if possible1 meet her on the way4 ,,an ,,invitation ,,cannot ,,be ,,recalled4 ,an invitation1 once given1 cannot be recalled1 even from the best motives1 without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of politeness4 ,there is but one exception to this rule1 and that is when the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person4 ,,avoid ,,talking ,,of ,,personalities4 ,avoid speaking of your birth1 your travels and of all personal matters1 to those who may misunderstand you1 and consider it boasting4 ,when induced to speak of them1 do not dwell too long upon them1 and do not speak boastfully4 ,,about ,,persons' ,,names4 ,do not speak of absent persons1 who are not relatives or intimate friends1 by their ,christian names or surnames1 but always as ,mr4 ----1 or ,mrs4 ----1 or ,miss ----4 ,never name anyone by the first letter of his name1 as ,mr4 ,c4 ,give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of him4 ,,shun ,,gossip ,,and ,,tale-,,bearing4 ,gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of malice or imbecility4 ,the young of both sexes should not only shun these things1 but1 by the most thorough culture1 relieve themselves from all temptation in that direction4 ,,removing ,,the ,,hat4 ,a gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies4 ,indeed1 a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he enters a room1 the habitual resort of ladies4 ,a gentleman never retains his hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment4 ,,treatment ,,of ,,inferiors4 ,never affect superiority4 ,in the company of an inferior never let him feel his inferiority4 ,if you invite an inferior as your guest1 treat him with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal4 ,,intruding ,,on ,,privacy4 ,never enter a private room anywhere without knocking4 ,sacredly respect the private property of others1 and let no curiosity tempt you to pry into letters1 desks1 packets1 trunks1 or other belongings of another4 ,it is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk2 whatever it may be1 it is certainly no business of yours4 ,no person should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing4 ,you must not question a servant or child upon family affairs4 ,never betray an implied confidence1 even if you have not been bound to secrecy4 ,,keeping ,,engagements4 ,nothing is more rude than to make an engagement1 be it of business or pleasure1 and break it4 ,if your memory is not sufficiently retentive to keep all the engagements you make1 carry a little memorandum book1 and enter them there4 ,,value ,,of ,,politeness4 ,chesterfield says3 ,as learning1 honor and virtue are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind1 politeness and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and agreeable in conversation and common life4 ,great talents1 such as honor1 virtue1 learning and arts1 are above the generality of the world1 who neither possess them themselves1 nor judge of them rightly in others2 but all people are judges of the lesser talents1 such as civility1 affability1 and an obliging1 agreeable address and manner2 because they feel the good effects of them1 as making society easy and pleasing4 ,,adapting ,,yourself ,,to ,,others4 ,conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be with1 only do not throw yourself into improper company4 ,it is better even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity1 so that it do not degenerate into indecency1 than to set yourself up as better1 and better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated4 ,true politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of etiquette4 ,a ,,woman',s ,,good ,,name4 ,let no man speak a word against a woman at any time1 or mention a woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken4 ,civility1 says ,lord ,chesterfield1 is particularly due to all women2 and remember that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every woman2 and the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman4 ,it is due to their sex1 and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours4 ,,do ,,not ,,contradict4 ,never directly contradict anyone4 ,say1 ,i beg your pardon1 but ,i think you are mistaken or misinformed1 or some such similar phrase which shall break the weight of direct contradiction4 ,where the matter is unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction4 ,,expressing ,,unfavorable ,,opinions4 ,you should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be attracted by1 and attentive to her4 ,if they should marry1 the remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor the married parties4 ,a ,,conversation ,,checked4 ,if a person checks himself in a conversation1 you should not insist on hearing what he intended to say4 ,there is some good reason for checking himself1 and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry out his first intentions4 ,,vulgarities4 ,some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in the presence of others are given3 ,to sit with your back to a person1 without asking to be excused4 ,to stand or sit with the feet wide apart4 ,to hum1 whistle or sing in suppressed tones4 ,to stand with the arms akimbo2 to lounge or yawn1 or to do anything which shows disrespect1 selfishness or indifference4 ,to correct inaccuracies in the statements of others1 or their modes of speech4 ,to use profane language1 or stronger expression than the occasion justifies4 ,to chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment1 spitting1 are vulgar in the extreme4 ,,miscellaneous ,,rules4 ,a gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd2 ladies precede gentlemen under ordinary circumstances4 ,give your children1 unless married1 their ,christian names only1 or say my daughter or my son1 in speaking of them to any one except servants4 ,ladies in escorting each other1 never offer to take the arm4 ,acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend1 or any unusual attention without delay4 ,never boast of birth1 money or friends1 or of any superior advantages you may possess4 ,never ridicule others1 be the object of your ridicule present or absent4 ,always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of others1 no matter how much they may differ from your own4 ,you should never scratch your head1 pick your teeth1 clean your nails or pick your nose in company4 ,never lean your head against the wall1 as you may disgust your wife or hostess by soiling the paper of her room4 ,never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room4 ,always be punctual4 ,you have no right to waste the time of others by making them wait for you4 ,always hand a chair for a lady1 pick up her glove and perform any little service she may seem to require4 ,never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in public gatherings4 ,keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances4 ,do not get fidgety4 ,if you feel that time drags heavily1 do not let this be apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness4 ,refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others4 ,you pay them a poor compliment if you thus forget them4 ,never refuse to accept an apology for an offense1 and never hesitate to make one1 if one is due from you4 ,never answer another rudely or impatiently4 ,reply courteously1 at whatever inconvenience to yourself4 ,never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you wish to see them on business4 ,never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others1 nor make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands4 ,on entering a room1 bow slightly as a general salutation1 before speaking to each of the persons assembled4 ,do not seem to notice by word or glance1 the deformity of another4 ,to administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very impolite4 ,to scold at any time is unwise4 ,never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it4 ,never play a practical joke upon anyone1 or answer a serious remark by a flippant one4 ,never lend a borrowed book1 and never keep such a book a single day after you are done with it4 ,never pass between two persons who are talking together2 and never pass before persons when it is possible to pass behind them4 ,when such an act is absolutely necessary1 always apologize for so doing4 ,never speak of a man's virtues before his face1 or his faults behind his back1 is a maxim to be remembered4 ,another maxim is1 ,in private watch your thoughts2 in your family watch your temper2 in society watch your tongue4 ,never address a mere acquaintance by his or her ,christian name4 ,it is a presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense4 ,haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided4 ,the best way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous4 ,in the presence of others1 talk as little of yourself as possible1 or of the business or profession in which you are engaged4 ,it shows a want of courtesy to consult your watch1 either at home or abroad4 ,if at home1 it appears as though you were tired of your company1 and wished them to be gone4 ,if abroad1 it appears as though the hours dragged heavily1 and you were calculating how soon you would be released4 ,do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house where you visit4 ,they are intended to be admired1 not handled by visitors4 ,do not read in company4 ,a gentleman or lady may1 however1 look over a book of engravings or a collection of photographs with propriety4 ,every species of affectation should be avoided1 as it is always detected1 and exceedingly disagreeable4 ,,washington',s ,,maxims4 ,mr4 ,sparks1 in his biography of ,washington1 has given to the public a collection of ,washington's directions as to personal conduct1 which he called his ,rules of ,civility and ,decent ,behavior in ,company4 ,we give these rules entire1 as the reader may be interested in learning the principles which governed the conduct of the ,father of his ,country4 ,every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present4 ,in the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice1 nor drum with your fingers or feet4 ,speak not when others speak1 sit not when others stand1 and walk not when others stop4 ,turn not your back to others1 especially in speaking2 jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes2 lean not on anyone4 ,be no flatterer1 neither play with anyone that delights not to be played with4 ,read no letters1 books or papers in company2 but when there is a necessity for doing it1 you must not leave4 ,come not near the books or writings of anyone so as to read them unasked2 also look not nigh when another is writing a letter4 ,let your countenance be pleasant1 but in serious matters somewhat grave4 ,show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another1 though he were your enemy4 ,they that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency1 but whilst they are young1 they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities1 though they have no public charge4 ,it is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves1 especially if they be above us4 ,let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive4 ,in visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein4 ,in writing or speaking1 give to every person his due title according to his degree and the custom of the place4 ,strive not with your superiors in argument1 but always submit your judgment to others with modesty4 ,undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes2 it savors arrogancy4 ,when a man does all he can though it succeeds not well1 blame not him that did it4 ,being to advise or reprehend anyone1 consider whether it ought to be in public or in private1 presently or at some other time1 also in what terms to do it2 and in reproving show no signs of choler1 but do it with sweetness and mildness4 ,mock not nor jest at anything of importance2 break no jests that are sharp or biting1 and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant1 abstain from laughing thereat yourself4 ,wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself1 for example is more prevalent than precept4 ,use no reproachful language against any one1 neither curses or revilings4 ,be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone4 ,in your apparel be modest1 and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration4 ,keep to the fashion of your equals1 such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place4 ,play not the peacock1 looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked1 if your shoes fit well1 if your stockings set neatly and clothes handsomely4 ,associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation1 for it is better to be alone than in bad company4 ,let your conversation be without malice or envy1 for it is a sign of a tractable and commendable nature2 and in all cases of passion admit reason to govern4 ,be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret4 ,utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men1 nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant1 nor things hard to be believed4 ,speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table2 speak not of melancholy things1 as death and wounds2 and if others mention them1 change1 if you can1 the discourse4 ,tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends4 ,break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth4 ,laugh not aloud1 nor at all without occasion4 ,deride no man's misfortunes1 though there seem to be some cause4 ,speak not injurious words1 neither in jest nor earnest4 ,scoff at none1 although they give occasion4 ,be not forward1 but friendly and courteous1 the first to salute1 hear and answer1 and be not pensive when it is time to converse4 ,detract not from others1 but neither be excessive in commending4 ,go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not4 ,give not advice without being asked2 and when desired1 do it briefly4 ,if two contend together1 take not the part of either unconstrained1 and be not obstinate in your opinions2 in things indifferent be of the major side4 ,reprehend not the imperfection of others1 for that belongs to parents1 masters and superiors4 ,gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others1 and ask not how they came4 ,what you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others4 ,speak not in an unknown tongue in company1 but in your own language2 and that as those of quality do1 and not as the vulgar4 ,sublime matters treat seriously4 ,think before you speak2 pronounce not imperfectly1 nor bring out your words too heartily1 but orderly and distinctly4 ,when another speaks1 be attentive yourself1 and disturb not the audience4 ,if any hesitate in his words1 help him not1 nor prompt him without being desired2 interrupt him not1 nor answer him till his speech be ended4 ,treat with men at fit times about business1 and whisper not in the company of others4 ,make no comparisons2 and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue1 commend not another for the same4 ,be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof4 ,in discoursing of things that you have heard1 name not your author always4 ,a secret discover not4 ,be not curious to know the affairs of others1 neither approach to those who speak in private4 ,undertake not what you cannot perform2 but be careful to keep your promise4 ,when you deliver a matter1 do it without passion and indiscretion1 however mean the person may be you do it to4 ,when your superiors talk to anybody1 hear them2 neither speak nor laugh4 ,in disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion1 and submit to the judgment of the major part1 especially if they are judges of the dispute4 ,be not tedious in discourse1 make not many digressions1 nor repeat often the same matter of discourse4 ,speak no evil of the absent1 for it is unjust4 ,be not angry at table1 whatever happens2 and if you have reason to be so show it not2 put on a cheerful countenance1 especially if there be strangers1 for good humor makes one dish a feast4 ,set not yourself at the upper end of the table2 but if it be your due1 or the master of the house will have it so1 contend not1 lest you should trouble the company4 ,when you speak of ,god or his attributes1 let it be seriously1 in reverence and honor1 and obey your natural parents4 ,let your recreations be manful1 not sinful4 ,labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,anniversary ,weddings4 ,the custom of celebrating anniversary weddings has1 of late years1 been largely practiced1 and they have become a very pleasant means of social reunion among the relatives and friends of both husband and wife4 ,often this is the only reason for celebrating them1 and the occasion is sometimes taken advantage of to give a large party1 of a more informal nature than could be given under other circumstances4 ,the occasion becomes one of the memorable events in the life of the couple whose wedding anniversary is celebrated4 ,it is an occasion for recalling the happy event which brought to each a new existence1 and changed the current of their lives4 ,it is an occasion for them to receive congratulations upon their past married life1 and wishes for many additional years of wedded bliss4 ,upon these occasions the married couple sometimes appear in the costumes worn by them on their wedding day1 which they have preserved with punctilious care1 and when many years have intervened the quaintness and oddity of the style of dress from the prevailing style is a matter of interest1 and the occasion of pleasant comments4 ,the couple receive their guests together1 who upon entering the drawing-room1 where they are receiving1 extend to them their congratulations and wishes for continued prosperity and happiness4 ,the various anniversaries are designated by special names1 indicative of the presents suitable on each occasion1 should guests deem it advisable to send presents4 ,it may be here stated that it is entirely optional with parties invited as to whether any presents are sent or taken4 ,at the earlier anniversaries1 much pleasantry and amusement is occasioned by presenting unique and fantastic articles1 gotten up for the occasion4 ,when this is contemplated1 care should be taken that they should not be such as are liable to give offense to a person of sensitive nature4 ,,the ,,paper1 ,,cotton ,,and ,,leather ,,wedding4 ,the first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the ,paper ,wedding1 the second the ,cotton ,wedding1 and the third the ,leather ,wedding4 ,the invitations to the first should be issued on a grey paper1 representing thin cardboard4 ,presents1 if given should be solely articles made of paper4 ,the invitations for the cotton wedding should be neatly printed on fine white cloth1 and presents should be of articles of cotton cloth4 ,for the leather wedding invitations should be issued upon leather1 tastily gotten up1 and presents1 of course1 should be articles made of leather4 ,,the ,,wooden ,,wedding4 ,the wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage4 ,the invitations should be upon thin cards of wood1 or they may be written on a sheet of wedding note paper1 and a card of wood enclosed in the envelope4 ,the presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous1 and may range from a wooden paper knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a complete set of parlor or kitchen furniture4 ,,the ,,tin ,,wedding4 ,the tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding4 ,the invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards covered with a tin card inclosed4 ,the guests1 if they desire to accompany their congratulations with appropriate presents1 have the whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner's art from which to select4 ,,the ,,crystal ,,wedding4 ,the crystal wedding is the fifteenth anniversary4 ,invitations may be on thin1 transparent paper1 or colored sheets of prepared gelatine1 or on ordinary wedding note-paper1 enclosing a sheet of mica4 ,the guests make their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass1 which may be more or less valuable1 as the donor feels inclined4 ,,the ,,china ,,wedding4 ,the china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the wedding-day4 ,invitations should be issued on exceedingly fine1 semi-transparent note-paper or cards4 ,various articles for the dining or tea-table or for the toilet-stand1 vases or mantel ornaments1 all are appropriate on this occasion4 ,,the ,,silver ,,wedding4 ,the silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anniversary4 ,the invitations issued for this wedding should be upon the finest note-paper1 printed in bright silver1 with monogram or crest upon both paper and envelope1 in silver also4 ,if presents are offered by any of the guests1 they should be of silver1 and may be the merest trifles1 or more expensive1 as the means and inclinations of the donors incline4 ,,the ,,golden ,,wedding4 ,the close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the appropriate time for the golden wedding4 ,fifty years of married happiness may indeed be crowned with gold4 ,the invitations for this anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold1 with crest or monogram on both paper and envelopes in highly-burnished gold4 ,the presents1 if any are offered1 are also in gold4 ,,the ,,diamond ,,wedding4 ,rarely1 indeed1 is a diamond wedding celebrated4 ,this should be held on the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day4 ,so seldom are these occurrences that custom has sanctioned no particular style or form to be observed in the invitations4 ,they might be issued upon diamond-shaped cards1 enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape4 ,there can be no general offering of presents at such a wedding1 since diamonds in any number are beyond the means of most persons4 ,,presents ,,at ,,anniversary ,,weddings4 ,it is not1 as before stated1 required that an invitation to an anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift1 or indeed by any4 ,the donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family or intimate friends1 and may act at their own discretion in the matter of giving presents4 ,on the occasion of golden or silver weddings1 it is not amiss to have printed at the bottom of the invitation the words ,no presents1 or to enclose a card announcing-- ,it is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered4 ,,invitations ,,to ,,anniversary ,,weddings4 ,the invitations to anniversary weddings may vary something in their wording1 according to the fancy of the writer1 but they are all similar4 ,they should give the date of the marriage and the anniversary4 ,they may or may not give the name of the husband at the right-hand side and the maiden name of the wife at the left4 ,what the anniversary is should also be indicated4 ,the following form will serve as a model3 ,illustration3 #aheeahhj4 ,the pleasure of your company is requested at the ,silver ,wedding ,reception of ,mr4 and ,mrs4 ,cyrus ,jennings1 ,on ,thursday evening1 ,november #acth at nine o'clock4 #be ,jackson ,avenue4 ,r4,s4,v4,p4 ,a proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the other anniversary weddings4 ,,marriage ,,ceremony ,,at ,,anniversary ,,weddings4 ,it is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these anniversary weddings1 especially at the silver or golden wedding4 ,the earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to introduce this ceremony4 ,the clergyman who officiates may so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to the occasion4 ,,chapter ,,xxv4 ,births and ,christenings4 ,upon the announcement of the birth of a child1 the lady friends of the mother send her their cards1 with inquiries after her health4 ,as soon as she is strong enough to permit1 the mother returns her own card to all from whom she received cards and inquiries1 with thanks for kind inquiries4 ,her lady friends then make personal visits1 but gentlemen do not call upon the mother on these occasions4 ,if they wish1 they may pay their visits to the father1 and inquire after the health of the mother and child4 ,,naming ,,the ,,child4 ,it becomes an all-important matter to the parents1 what name they shall give to the newly-born child1 and as this is a matter which may also concern the latter at some future day1 it becomes an object of solicitude1 until a suitable name is settled upon4 ,the custom in ,scotland is to name the first son after the father's father1 and the first daughter after the mother's mother1 the second son after the father1 the second daughter after the mother1 and succeeding children after other near relations4 ,this perpetuates family names1 and if they are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation1 it may be considered a good custom to follow4 ,with some it is customary to name children after some renowned person1 either living or dead4 ,there are objections to this plan1 however1 for if the person be still living1 he may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name1 and so cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a disgraced name4 ,if the person after whom the child is named be dead1 it may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the person who formerly bore it1 that the name shall be made a reproach or satire4 ,the plan of reviving the old ,saxon names has been adopted by some1 and it has been claimed that the names of ,edgar1 ,edwin1 ,arthur1 ,alfred1 ,ethel1 ,maud1 ,edith1 ,theresa1 and many others of the ,saxon names are pleasant sounding and strong1 and a desirable contrast to the ,fannies1 ,mamies1 ,minnies1 ,lizzies1 ,sadies1 and other petty diminutives which have taken the place of better sounding and stronger names4 ,,the ,,christening4 ,the christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time1 and are regulated according to the practices of the special church where the parents attend worship4 ,as these are quite varied1 it will be sufficient only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such times4 ,,godparents ,,or ,,sponsors4 ,in the ,episcopal ,church there are two1 and sometimes three1 godparents or sponsors4 ,if the child is a boy1 there are two godfathers and one godmother4 ,if a girl1 two godmothers and one godfather4 ,the persons selected for godparents should be near relatives or friends of long and close standing1 and should be members of the same church into which the child is baptized4 ,the maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather usually act as sponsors for the first child1 the maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother for the second4 ,a person invited to act as godparent should not refuse without good reason4 ,if the grandparents are not selected1 it is an act of courtesy to select the godmother1 and allow her to designate the godfather4 ,young persons should not stand sponsors to an infant2 and none should offer to act unless their superior position warrants them in so doing4 ,,presents ,,from ,,godfathers4 ,the sponsors must make their godchild a present of some sort--a silver mug1 a knife1 spoon and fork1 a handsomely-bound bible1 or perhaps a costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear4 ,the godfather may give a cup1 with name engraved1 and the godmother the christening robe and cap4 ,,the ,,christening ,,ceremony4 ,upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its nurse4 ,next come the sponsors1 and after them the father and mother1 if she is able to be present4 ,the invited guests follow4 ,in taking their places the sponsors stand1 the godfather on the right and the godmother on the left of the child4 ,when the question is asked1 ,who are the sponsors for the child8 the proper persons should merely bow their heads without speaking4 ,in the ,roman ,catholic ,church baptism takes place at as early a date as possible4 ,if the child does not seem to be strong1 a priest is sent for at once1 and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside4 ,if1 on the other hand1 the child is healthy1 it is taken to the church within a few days after its birth4 ,in ,protestant churches the ceremony of baptism is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present4 ,if the ceremony is performed at home1 a carriage must be sent for the clergyman1 and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is concluded4 ,a luncheon may follow the christening1 though a collation of cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette4 ,it is the duty of the godfather to propose the health of the infant4 ,,presents ,,from ,,guests4 ,friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor they convene1 by some trifling gift4 ,gentlemen may present an article of silver1 ladies something of their own manufacture4 ,,the ,,hero ,,of ,,the ,,occasion4 ,it should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest importance on these occasions1 and the guests should give it a large share of attention and praise4 ,the parents1 however1 must not make this duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired1 fretful child on exhibition4 ,it is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as soon as the ceremony is over4 ,,fees ,,to ,,the ,,clergyman4 ,though the ,church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously1 the parents should1 if they are able1 make a present to the officiating clergyman1 or1 through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxvi4 ,funerals4 ,the saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of relatives and friends1 and it becomes us to show1 in every possible way1 the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved1 and the deepest respect for the melancholy occasion4 ,of late the forms of ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing1 and by some people of intelligence1 even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in part4 ,,invitation ,,to ,a ,,funeral4 ,it is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement of a funeral through the daily newspapers1 though sometimes when such announcement may not reach all friends in time1 invitations to the funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased4 ,in villages where there is no daily paper1 such invitations are often issued4 ,private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper1 with a heavy black border1 and in such form as the following3 ,illustration3 ,yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of ,mr4 ,james ,b4 ,southey1 from his late residence1 ,no4 #hig ,williams avenue1 on ,friday1 ,october #ah1 at #c o' clock ,p4,m4 7or from ,st4 ,paul's ,episcopal ,church71 to proceed to ,woodland ,cemetery4 ,when an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a distant point1 it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death1 time and place of funeral1 to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive before the services4 ,it is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral1 when one is sent4 ,,arrangements ,,for ,,the ,,funeral4 ,it is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral to some relative or friend of the family1 and if there be no friend who can perform this duty1 it can be safely left with the undertaker to perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies4 ,it is prudent to name a limit for the expenses of the funeral1 and the means of the family should always govern these4 ,pomp and display should always be avoided1 as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion1 and inconsistent with real grief4 ,at the funeral some one should act as usher to seat the friends who attend4 ,,the ,,house ,,of ,,mourning4 ,upon entering the house of mourning1 a gentleman should always remove his hat in the hall1 and not replace it until he is about to depart4 ,no calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the dead remains in the house1 and members of the family may be excused from receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time4 ,there should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in the house4 ,all differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house of mourning1 and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each other with respect and dignity4 ,the bell knob or door handle is draped with black crape1 with a black ribbon tied on1 if the deceased is married or advanced in years1 and with a white ribbon1 if young or unmarried4 ,,the ,,funeral ,,services4 ,if the services are held at the house1 some near friend or relative will receive the guests4 ,the immediate members of the family and near relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the arrival of the guests1 and should not make their appearance again until the services are about to commence4 ,it is becoming customary now to reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are held1 for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the family during the services4 ,then the clergyman takes his position at the door between the two rooms while conducting the services4 ,as guests arrive1 they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before seating themselves1 and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin lid is closed1 and the remains are borne to the hearse4 ,the custom of opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final look at the corpse1 is rapidly coming into disfavor4 ,the friends who desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house1 before it is taken to the church4 ,if1 however1 the deceased is a person of great prominence in the community1 and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased1 then1 perhaps1 it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church4 ,,the ,,pall-,,bearers4 ,the pall-bearers1 usually six1 but sometimes eight1 when the deceased is a person of considerable prominence1 are generally chosen from the intimate acquaintances of the deceased1 and of nearly the same age4 ,if they walk to the cemetery1 they take their position in equal numbers on either side of the hearse4 ,if they ride1 their carriage or carriages precede the hearse4 ,,order ,,of ,,the ,,procession4 ,the carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the hearse1 immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest relatives1 more distant relatives and friends respectively4 ,when societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the hearse4 ,the horse of a deceased mounted military officer1 fully equipped and draped in mourning1 will be led immediately after the hearse4 ,as the mourners pass out to enter the carriage1 the guests stand with uncovered heads4 ,no salutations are given or received4 ,the person who officiates as master of ceremonies1 assists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages4 ,at the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance of the coffin4 ,in towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand and the procession goes on foot1 the men should go with uncovered heads1 if the weather permit1 the hat being held in the right hand4 ,guests return to their respective homes after the services at the grave4 ,,floral ,,decorations4 ,the usual decorations of the coffin are flowers1 tastefully arranged in a beautiful wreath for a child or young person1 and a cross for a married person1 which are placed upon the coffin4 ,these flowers should mostly be white4 ,near friends of the deceased may send beautiful floral devices1 if they wish1 as a mark of their esteem for the deceased1 which should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes4 ,,other ,,decorations4 ,a person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin4 ,thus a deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the national flag1 and his hat1 epaulettes1 sword and sash laid upon the lid4 ,the regalia of a deceased officer of the ,masonic or ,odd ,fellows' fraternity is often placed upon the coffin4 ,,calls ,,upon ,,the ,,bereaved ,,family4 ,about a week after the funeral1 friends call upon the bereaved family1 and acquaintances call within a month4 ,the calls of the latter are not repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family1 the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends4 ,it is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their calls of condolence4 ,in making first calls of condolence1 none but most intimate friends ask to see the family4 ,short notes of condolence1 expressing the deepest sympathy1 are usually accepted1 and help to comfort stricken hearts4 ,formal notes of condolence are no longer sent4 ,those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not attempt consolation4 ,all that they attempt to do is to find words wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones4 ,,seclusion ,,of ,,the ,,bereaved ,,family4 ,no member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house between the time of the death and the funeral4 ,a lady friend will be commissioned to make all necessary purchases1 engage seamstresses1 etc4 ,it is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement1 however great it may be1 and consequently no prescribed period of seclusion can be given4 ,real grief needs no appointed time for seclusion4 ,it is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the exertion2 for1 in fulfilling our duties to the living1 we best show the strength of our affection for the dead1 as well as our submission to the will of ,him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know or dream4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxvii4 ,washington ,etiquette4 ,certain local rules have been recognized in society at ,washington1 from the fact that a gentleman's social position is acquired by virtue of certain offices which he holds1 and the social status of woman is also determined by the official rank of her husband4 ,,the ,,president4 ,as the ,president of the ,united ,states holds the highest official rank in political life1 so is he also by virtue of that office1 awarded precedence in social life4 ,there is no necessity of special formalities to form his acquaintance1 and he receives calls without being under any obligation to return them4 ,he may be addressed either as ,mr4 ,president1 or ,your ,excellency4 ,sometimes he gives up the morning hours to receiving calls1 and at such times precedence is given to such people as have business with him1 over parties who go to make a formal call4 ,in either case1 the caller is shown to the room occupied by the ,president's secretaries1 presents his card and waits his turn to be admitted4 ,if the caller has no business1 but goes out of curiosity1 he pays his respects and withdraws to make room for others4 ,it is better in making a private call1 to secure the company of some official or some friend of the ,president to introduce you4 ,,receptions ,,at ,,the ,,white ,,house4 ,stated receptions are given at the ,white ,house by the ,president during sessions of congress1 and all are at liberty to attend them4 ,sometimes these are morning1 and sometimes evening1 receptions4 ,upon entering the reception room1 the caller gives his name to the usher1 who announces it1 and upon approaching the ,president is introduced1 by some official to whom the duty is assigned1 both to the ,president and to the members of his family who receive with him4 ,the callers pass on1 after being introduced1 mingle in social intercourse and view the various rooms until ready to depart4 ,if a caller wishes he may leave his card4 ,the same rules of etiquette prevail at state dinners given by the ,president as at any formal dinner1 precedence being given to guests according to official rank and dignity4 ,an invitation by the ,president must be accepted1 and it is admissible to break any other engagement already made2 however1 it is necessary to explain the cause1 in order to avoid giving offense4 ,it is not regarded as discourteous to break an engagement for this reason4 ,the wife of the ,president is not under obligation to return calls1 though she may visit those whom she wishes to favor with such attentions4 ,other members of the ,president's family may receive and return calls4 ,,new-,,year',s ,,receptions ,,at ,,the ,,white ,,house4 ,as the ,new-,year's receptions at the ,white ,house are the most ceremonious occasions of the executive mansion1 it is the custom of the ladies who attend them to appear in the most elegant toilets suited to a morning reception4 ,members of foreign legations appear in the court dresses of their respective countries on this occasion1 in paying their respects to the ,president of the ,united ,states4 ,,order ,,of ,,official ,,rank4 ,next in rank to the ,president come the ,chief ,justice1 the ,vice-,president and the ,speaker of the ,house of ,representatives4 ,these receive first visits from all others4 ,the ,general of the army and the ,admiral of the navy come next in the order of official rank4 ,members of the ,house of ,representatives call first on all the officials named4 ,the wife of any official is entitled to the same social precedence as her husband4 ,among officers of the army and navy1 the ,lieutenant-,general corresponds to the ,vice-,admiral1 the ,major-,general to ,rear-,admiral1 ,brigadier-,general to ,commodore1 ,colonel to ,captain in the navy1 and so on through the lower grades4 ,,the ,,cabinet ,,officers4 ,the officers of the cabinet1 comprising the ,secretaries of ,state1 the ,treasury1 the ,war1 the ,navy1 the ,postmaster-,general1 the ,secretary of the ,interior and ,attorney-,general1 expect to receive calls1 and as all the officers are of the same rank and dignity1 it is only on occasions of ,state ceremonies that an order of preference is observed1 which is as above given4 ,the wives of the cabinet officers1 or the ladies of their household1 have onerous social duties to perform4 ,they hold receptions every ,wednesday during the season1 which lasts from the first of ,january to ,lent1 when their houses are open to all who choose to favor them with a call1 and on these occasions refreshments are served4 ,the ladies of the family are expected to return these calls1 at which time they leave the card of the cabinet officer1 and an invitation to an evening reception4 ,the cabinet officers are expected to entertain ,senators1 ,representatives1 ,justices of the ,supreme ,court1 members of the diplomatic corps and distinguished visitors at ,washington1 as well as the ladies of their respective families4 ,the visiting hours at the capital are usually from two until half-past five4 ,the labor and fatigue which social duties require of the ladies of the family of a cabinet officer are fairly appalling4 ,to stand for hours during receptions at her own house1 to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of others1 whose invitation courtesy requires should be accepted1 and to return in person calls made upon her1 are a few of the duties of the wife of a cabinet officer4 ,,how ,,to ,,address ,,the ,,officials4 ,when writing to the different officials1 the ,president is addressed ,his ,excellency1 the ,president of the ,united ,states2 the members of the cabinet ,the ,honorable1 the ,secretary of ,state1 etc41 giving each his proper title2 the ,vice-,president1 ,the ,honorable1 the ,vice-,president of the ,united ,states4 ,in a ceremonious note1 words must not be abbreviated4 ,in conversation the ,speaker of the ,house of ,representatives is addressed as ,mr4 ,speaker2 a member of the cabinet as ,mr4 ,secretary2 a senator as ,mr4 ,senator2 a member of the ,house of ,representatives as ,mister1 unless he has some other title2 but he is introduced as ,the ,honorable ,mr4 ,burrows1 of ,michigan4 ,the custom is becoming prevalent of addressing the wives of officials with the prefixed titles of their husbands1 as ,mrs4 ,general ,sherman1 ,mrs4 ,senator ,thurman1 ,mrs4 ,secretary ,evarts4 ,,the ,,first ,,to ,,visit4 ,the custom of first visits or calls at the capital is that residents shall make the first call on strangers1 and among the latter those arriving first upon those coming later4 ,foreign ministers1 however1 in order to make themselves known1 call first upon the members of the cabinet1 which is returned4 ,,senators ,,and ,,representatives4 ,it is entirely optional with ,senators1 ,representatives and all other officials except the ,president and members of his cabinet1 whether they entertain4 ,they act upon their own pleasure in the matter4 ,,chapter ,,xxviii4 ,foreign ,titles4 ,in this country1 where everybody possesses one and the same title1 that of a citizen of this ,republic1 no one can claim a superiority of rank and title4 ,not so in ,european countries1 where the right of birth entitles a person to honor1 rank and title4 ,and as our citizens are constantly visiting foreign countries1 it is well to understand something of titles and ranks and their order of precedence4 ,,royalty4 ,in ,england1 the king and queen are placed at the top of the social structure4 ,the mode by which they are addressed is in the form ,your ,majesty4 ,the ,prince of ,wales1 the heir-apparent to the throne1 stands second in dignity4 ,the other children are all known during their minority as princes and princesses4 ,the eldest princess is called the crown princess4 ,upon their majority the younger sons have the title of duke bestowed upon them1 and the daughters retain that of princesses1 adding to it the title of their husbands4 ,they are all designated as ,their ,royal ,highnesses4 ,,the ,,nobility4 ,a duke who inherits the title from his father1 stands one grade below a royal duke4 ,the wife of a duke is known as a duchess4 ,they are both addressed as ,your ,grace4 ,the eldest son is a marquis until he inherits the higher title of his father4 ,his wife is a marchioness4 ,the younger sons are lords by courtesy1 and the daughters are distinguished by having ,lady prefixed to their ,christian names4 ,earls and barons are both spoken of as lords and their wives as ladies1 though the latter are by right respectively countesses and baronesses4 ,the daughters of the former are ladies1 the younger sons of both honorables4 ,the earl occupies the higher position of the two in the peerage4 ,these complete the list of nobility1 unless we include bishops1 who are lords in right of their ecclesiastical office1 but whose title is not hereditary4 ,all these are entitled to seats in the upper ,house of ,parliament4 ,,the ,,gentry4 ,baronets are known as ,sirs1 and their wives receive the title of ,lady2 but they are only commoners of a higher degree1 though there are families who have borne their title for many successive generations who would not exchange it for a recently created peerage4 ,a clergyman1 by right of his calling1 stands on an equality with all commoners1 a bishop with all peers4 ,,esquire4 ,the title of ,esquire1 which is only an empty compliment in this country1 has special significance in ,england4 ,the following in that country have a legal right to the title3 ,the sons of peers1 whether known in common conversation as lords or honorables4 ,the eldest sons of peers' sons1 and their eldest sons in perpetual succession4 ,all the sons of baronets4 ,all esquires of the ,knights of the ,bath4 ,lords of manors1 chiefs of clans and other tenants of the crown in capite are esquires by prescription4 ,esquires created to that rank by patent1 and their eldest sons in perpetual succession4 ,esquires by office1 such as justices of the peace while on the roll1 mayors of towns during mayoralty1 and sheriffs of counties 7who retain the title for life74 ,members of the ,house of ,commons4 ,barristers-at-law4 ,bachelors of divinity1 law and physic4 ,all who in commissions signed by the sovereign1 are ever styled esquires retain that designation for life4 ,,imperial ,,rank4 ,emperors and empresses rank higher than kings4 ,the sons and daughters of the emperor of ,austria are called archdukes and archduchesses1 the names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country claimed for himself no higher title than that of archduke4 ,the emperor of ,russia is known as the czar1 the name being identical with the ,roman caesar and the ,german kaiser4 ,the heir-apparent to the ,russian throne is the czarowitch4 ,,european ,,titles4 ,titles in continental ,europe are so common and so frequently unsustained by landed and moneyed interests1 that they have not that significance which they hold in ,england4 ,a count may be a penniless scamp1 depending upon the gambling-table for a precarious subsistence1 and looking out for the chance of making a wealthy marriage4 ,a ,german baron may be a good1 substantial1 unpretending man1 something after the manner of an ,american farmer4 ,a ,german prince or duke1 since the absorption of the smaller principalities of ,germany by ,prussia1 may have nothing left him but a barren title and a meagre rent-roll4 ,the ,italian prince is even of less account than the ,german one1 since his rent-roll is too frequently lacking altogether1 and his only inheritance may be a grand but decayed palace1 without means sufficient to keep it in repair or furnish it properly4 ,,presentation ,,at ,,the ,,court ,,of ,,st4 ,,james4 ,it is frequently a satisfaction to an ,american to be presented to the ,queen during a sojourn in ,england1 and as the ,queen is really an excellent woman1 worthy of all honor1 not only can there be no valid cause for objection to such presentation1 but it may well be looked upon as an honor to be sought for4 ,,those ,,eligible ,,to ,,presentation ,,at ,,court4 ,the nobility1 with their wives and daughters1 are eligible to presentation at court1 unless there be some grave moral objection1 in which case1 as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous ,queen to maintain a high standard of morality within her court1 the objectionable parties are rigidly excluded4 ,the clergy1 naval and military officers1 physicians and barristers and the squirearchy1 with their wives and daughters1 have also the right to pay their personal respects to their queen4 ,those of more democratic professions1 such as solicitors1 merchants and mechanics1 have not1 as a rule1 that right1 though wealth and connection have recently proven an open sesame at the gates of ,st4 ,james4 ,any person who has been presented at court may present a friend in his or her turn4 ,a person wishing to be presented1 must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or she may possess4 ,,preliminaries ,,to ,,presentation4 ,any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen1 must leave at the lord chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock1 two days before the levee1 a card with his name written thereon1 and with the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to be presented4 ,in order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be made at a levee except by a person actually attending that levee1 it is also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to make the presentation1 stating it to be his intention to be present1 should accompany the presentation card above referred to1 which will be submitted to the queen for ,her ,majesty's approbation4 ,these regulations of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed4 ,directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are always printed in the newspapers4 ,these directions apply with equal force to ladies and to gentlemen4 ,the person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court costume1 which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose1 for women of an ample court train4 ,these costumes are indispensable1 and can be hired for the occasion4 ,,the ,,presentation4 ,it is desirable to be early to escape the crowd4 ,when the lady leaves her carriage1 she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf behind her4 ,her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she enters the long gallery of ,st4 ,james1 where she waits her turn for presentation4 ,the lady is at length ushered into the presence-chamber1 which is entered by two doors4 ,she goes in at the one indicated to her1 dropping her train as she passes the threshold1 which train is instantly spread out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting4 ,the lady then walks forward towards the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign4 ,the card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another lord-in-waiting1 who reads the name aloud4 ,when she arrives just before ,his or ,her ,majesty1 she should courtesy as low as possible1 so as to almost kneel4 ,if the lady presented be a peeress or a peer's daughter1 the queen kisses her on the forehead4 ,if only a commoner1 then the queen extends her hand to be kissed by the lady presented1 who1 having done so1 rises1 courtesies to each of the other members of the royal family present1 and then passes on4 ,she must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as she passes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxix4 ,business4 ,in the chapter on ,our ,manners1 we have spoken of the importance of civility and politeness as a means of success to the business and professional man4 ,it is in the ordinary walks of life1 in the most trivial affairs that a man's real character is shown1 and consequently every man1 whatever may be his calling1 will do well to give due attention to those trivial affairs which1 in his daily association with men of the world1 will give him a reputation of being cold1 austere1 and unapproachable1 or warm-hearted1 genial1 and sympathetic4 ,,form ,,good ,,habits4 ,it is important for the young man learning business1 or just getting a start in business1 to form correct habits1 and especially of forming the habit of being polite to all with whom he has business relations1 showing the same courteous treatment to men or women1 poorly or plainly dressed1 as though they were attired in the most costly of garments4 ,a man who forms habits of politeness and gentlemanly treatment of everybody in early life1 has acquired the good-will of all with whom he has ever been brought into social or business relations4 ,he should also guard against such habits as profanity1 the use of tobacco and intoxicating liquors1 if he would gain and retain the respect of the best portion of the community1 and should1 if possible1 cultivate the habit of being cheerful at all times and in all places4 ,,keep ,,your ,,temper4 ,in discussing business matters1 never lose your temper1 even though your opponent in a controversy should become angry1 and in the heat of discussion make rude and disagreeable remarks and charges4 ,by a calm and dignified bearing and courteous treatment you will conquer his rudeness4 ,,honesty ,,the ,,best ,,policy4 ,honesty is the best policy1 is a maxim which merchants and tradesmen will find as true as it is trite1 and no tradesman who wishes to retain his customers and his reputation will knowingly misrepresent the quality of his goods4 ,it is not good policy for a merchant or clerk1 in selling goods1 to tell the customer what they cost1 as1 in a majority of cases1 he will not be believed4 ,,the ,,example ,,of ,a ,,merchant ,,prince4 ,the value of politeness to a merchant is nowhere more clearly shown than in the case of the late ,a4,t4 ,stewart1 the merchant prince of ,new ,york4 ,he not only treated every customer he waited upon with the utmost courtesy1 but he demanded it of every employe1 and sought for men possessing every quality of character tending to secure this suavity of manner1 in the selection of his salesmen and clerks4 ,he required them to observe rigidly all rules and forms of politeness1 and would allow no partiality shown to people on account of their dress1 those clad in humble apparel being treated with the same affability and politeness as those richly dressed4 ,everybody who entered his store was sure of receiving kind and courteous treatment4 ,this may1 or may not1 have been his secret of success1 but it certainly gained and retained for him a large custom1 and was one element in his character which can be highly commended4 ,and every merchant will be judged of by his customers in proportion to the courteous treatment they receive from him1 or from clerks in his store4 ,the lawyer or the doctor will also acquire popularity and patronage as he exhibits courteous and kind treatment to all with whom he comes into social or business relations4 ,,breaking ,,an ,,appointment4 ,do not break an appointment with a business man1 if possible to avoid it1 for if you do1 the party with whom you made it may have reason to think that you are not a man of your word1 and it may also cause him great annoyance1 and loss of time4 ,if1 however1 it becomes absolutely necessary to do so1 you should inform him beforehand1 either by a note or by a special messenger1 giving reasons for its non-fulfillment4 ,,promptly ,,meeting ,,notes ,,and ,,drafts4 ,every business man knows the importance of meeting promptly his notes and drafts1 for to neglect it is disastrous to his reputation as a prompt business man4 ,he should consider1 also1 apart from this1 that he is under a moral obligation to meet these payments promptly when due4 ,if circumstances which you cannot control prevent this1 write at once to your creditor1 stating plainly and frankly the reason why you are unable to pay him1 and when you will be able4 ,he will accommodate you if he has reason to believe your statements4 ,,prompt ,,payment ,,of ,,bills4 ,if a bill is presented to you for payment1 you should1 if it is correct1 pay it as promptly as though it were a note at the bank already due4 ,the party who presents the bill may be in need of money1 and should receive what is his due when he demands it4 ,on the other hand1 do not treat a man who calls upon you to pay a bill1 or to whom you send to collect a bill1 as though you were under no obligation to him4 ,while you have a right to expect him to pay it1 still its prompt payment may have so inconvenienced him as to deserve your thanks4 ,,general ,,rules4 ,if you chance to see a merchant's books or papers left open before you1 it is not good manners to look over them1 to ascertain their contents4 ,if you write a letter asking for information1 you should always enclose an envelope1 addressed and stamped for the answer4 ,courtesy demands that you reply to all letters immediately4 ,if you are in a company of men where two or more are talking over business matters1 do not listen to the conversation which it was not intended you should hear4 ,in calling upon a man during business hours1 transact your business rapidly and make your call as short as is consistent with the matters on hand4 ,as a rule1 men have but little time to visit during business hours4 ,if an employer has occasion to reprove any of his clerks or employes1 he will find that by speaking kindly he will accomplish the desired object much better than by harsher means4 ,in paying out a large sum of money1 insist that the person to whom it is paid shall count it in your presence1 and on the other hand1 never receive a sum of money without counting it in the presence of the party who pays it to you4 ,in this way mistakes may be avoided4 ,,chapter ,,xxx4 ,dress4 ,to dress well requires good taste1 good sense and refinement4 ,a woman of good sense will neither make dress her first nor her last object in life4 ,no sensible wife will betray that total indifference for her husband which is implied in the neglect of her appearance1 and she will remember that to dress consistently and tastefully is one of the duties which she owes to society4 ,every lady1 however insignificant her social position may appear to herself1 must exercise a certain influence on the feelings and opinions of others4 ,an attention to dress is useful as retaining1 in the minds of sensible men1 that pride in a wife's appearance1 which is so agreeable to her1 as well as that due influence which cannot be obtained without it4 ,but a love of dress has its perils for weak minds4 ,uncontrolled by good sense1 and stimulated by personal vanity it becomes a temptation at first1 and then a curse4 ,when it is indulged in to the detriment of better employments1 and beyond the compass of means1 it cannot be too severely condemned4 ,it then becomes criminal4 ,,consistency ,,in ,,dress4 ,consistency in regard to station and fortune is the first matter to be considered4 ,a woman of good sense will not wish to expend in unnecessary extravagances money wrung from an anxious1 laborious husband2 or if her husband be a man of fortune1 she will not1 even then1 encroach upon her allowance4 ,in the early years of married life1 when the income is moderate1 it should be the pride of a woman to see how little she can spend upon her dress1 and yet present that tasteful and creditable appearance which is desirable4 ,much depends upon management1 and upon the care taken of garments4 ,she should turn everything to account1 and be careful of her clothing when wearing it4 ,,extravagance ,,in ,,dress4 ,dress1 to be in perfect taste1 need not be costly4 ,it is unfortunate that in the ,united ,states1 too much attention is paid to dress by those who have neither the excuse of ample means nor of social culture4 ,the wife of a poorly paid clerk1 or of a young man just starting in business1 aims at dressing as stylishly as does the wealthiest among her acquaintances4 ,the sewing girl1 the shop girl1 the chambermaid1 and even the cook1 must have their elegantly trimmed silk dresses and velvet cloaks for ,sunday and holiday wear1 and the injury done by this state of things to the morals and manners of the poorer classes is incalculable4 ,as fashions are constantly changing1 those who do not adopt the extremes1 as there are so many of the prevailing modes at present1 can find something to suit every form and face4 ,,indifference ,,to ,,dress4 ,indifference and inattention to dress is a defect of character rather than virtue1 and often denotes indolence and slovenliness4 ,every woman should aim to make herself look as well as possible with the means at her command4 ,among the rich1 a fondness for dress promotes exertion and activity of the mental powers1 cultivates a correct taste and fosters industry and ingenuity among those who seek to procure for them the material and designs for dress4 ,among the middle classes it encourages diligence1 contrivance1 planning and deftness of handiwork1 and among the poorer classes it promotes industry and economy4 ,a fondness for dress1 when it does not degenerate into vain show1 has an elevating and refining influence on society4 ,,appropriate ,,dress4 ,to dress appropriately is another important matter to be considered4 ,due regard must be paid to the physical appearance of the person1 and the dress must be made to harmonize throughout4 ,an appropriate dress is that which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the apparel unnoticeable4 ,thin ladies can wear delicate colors1 while stout persons look best in black or dark grey4 ,for young and old the question of appropriate color must be determined by the figure and complexion4 ,rich colors harmonize with brunette complexions or dark hair1 and delicate colors with persons of light hair and blonde complexions4 ,,gloves4 ,gloves are worn by gentlemen as well as ladies in the street1 at an evening party1 at the opera or theatre1 at receptions1 at church1 when paying a call1 riding or driving2 but not in the country or at dinner4 ,white should be worn at balls2 the palest colors at evening parties and neutral shades at church4 ,,evening ,,dress ,,for ,,gentlemen4 ,the evening or full dress for gentlemen is a black dress-suit--a swallow-tail coat1 the vest cut low1 the cravat white1 and kid gloves of the palest hue or white4 ,the shirt front should be white and plain2 the studs and cuff-buttons simple4 ,especial attention should be given to the hair1 which should be neither short nor long4 ,it is better to err upon the too short side1 as too long hair savors of affectation1 destroys the shape of the physiognomy1 and has a touch of vulgarity about it4 ,evening dress is the same for a large dinner party1 a ball or an opera4 ,in some circles1 however1 evening dress is considered an affectation1 and it is as well to do as others do4 ,on ,sunday1 morning dress is worn and on that day of the week no gentleman is expected to appear in evening dress1 either at church1 at home or away from home4 ,gloves are dispensed with at dinner parties1 and pale colors are preferred to white for evening wear4 ,,morning ,,dress ,,for ,,gentlemen4 ,the morning dress for gentlemen is a black frock-coat1 or a black cut-away1 white or black vest1 according to the season1 gray or colored pants1 plaid or stripes1 according to the fashion1 a high silk 7stove-pipe7 hat1 and a black scarf or necktie4 ,a black frock coat with black pants is not considered a good combination1 nor is a dress coat and colored or light pants4 ,the morning dress is suitable for garden parties1 ,sundays1 social teas1 informal calls1 morning calls and receptions4 ,it will be seen that morning and evening dress for gentlemen varies as much as it does for ladies4 ,it is decidedly out of place for a gentleman to wear a dress coat and white tie in the day-time1 and when evening dress is desired on ceremonious occasions1 the shutters should be closed and the gas or lamps lighted4 ,the true evening costume or full dress suit1 accepted as such throughout the world1 has firmly established itself in this country2 yet there is still a considerable amount of ignorance displayed as to the occasions when it should be worn1 and it is not uncommon for the average ,american1 even high officials and dignified people1 to wear the full evening costume at a morning reception or some midday ceremony4 ,a dress coat at a morning or afternoon reception or luncheon1 is entirely out of place1 while the frock-coat or cut-away and gray pants1 make a becoming costume for such an occasion4 ,,jewelry ,,for ,,gentlemen4 ,it is not considered in good taste for men to wear much jewelry4 ,they may with propriety wear one gold ring1 studs and cuff-buttons1 and a watch chain1 not too massive1 with a modest pendant1 or none at all4 ,anything more looks like a superabundance of ornament4 ,,evening ,,dress ,,for ,,ladies4 ,evening dress for ladies may be as rich1 elegant and gay as one chooses to make it4 ,it is everywhere the custom to wear full evening dress in brilliant evening assemblages4 ,it may be cut either high or low at the neck1 yet no lady should wear her dress so low as to make it quite noticeable or a special subject of remark4 ,evening dress is what is commonly known as full dress1 and will serve for a large evening party1 ball or dinner4 ,no directions will be laid down with reference to it1 as fashion devises how it is to be made and what material used4 ,,ball ,,dress4 ,ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations of costume in the dinner dress1 and the dress for evening parties4 ,for a ball1 everything should be light and diaphanous1 somewhat fanciful and airy4 ,the heavy1 richly trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not dance4 ,the richest velvets1 the brightest and most delicate tints in silk1 the most expensive laces1 elaborate coiffures1 a large display of diamonds1 artificial flowers for the head-dress and natural flowers for hand bouquets1 all belong1 more or less1 to the costume for a large ball4 ,,the ,,full ,,dinner ,,dress4 ,the full dinner dress for guests admits of great splendor4 ,it may be of any thick texture of silk or velvet for winter1 or light rich goods for summer1 and should be long and sweeping4 ,every trifle in a lady's costume should be1 as far as she can afford it1 faultless4 ,the fan should be perfect in its way1 and the gloves should be quite fresh4 ,diamonds are used in broaches1 pendants1 ear-rings and bracelets4 ,if artificial flowers are worn in the hair1 they should be of the choicest description4 ,all the light neutral tints1 and black1 dark blue1 purple1 dark green1 garnet1 brown and fawn are suited for dinner wear4 ,,dress ,,of ,,hostess ,,at ,a ,,dinner ,,party4 ,the dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be rich in material1 but subdued in tone1 so as not to eclipse any of her guests4 ,a young hostess should wear a dress of rich silk1 black or dark in color1 with collar and cuffs of fine lace1 and if the dinner be by daylight1 plain jewelry1 but by gaslight diamonds4 ,,showy ,,dress4 ,the glaring colors and loud costumes1 once so common1 have given place to sober grays1 and browns and olives2 black predominating over all4 ,the light1 showily-trimmed dresses1 which were once displayed in the streets and fashionable promenades1 are now only worn in carriages4 ,this display of showy dress and glaring colors is generally confined to those who love ostentation more than comfort4 ,,dress ,,for ,,receiving ,,calls4 ,if a lady has a special day for the reception of calls1 her dress must be of silk1 or other goods suitable to the season1 or to her position1 but must be of quiet colors and plainly worn4 ,lace collars and cuffs should be worn with this dress1 and a certain amount of jewelry is also admissible4 ,a lady whose mornings are devoted to the superintendence of her domestic affairs1 may receive a casual caller in her ordinary morning dress1 which must be neat1 yet plain1 with white plain linen collars and cuffs4 ,for ,new ,year's1 or other calls of special significance1 the dress should be rich1 and may be elaborately trimmed4 ,if the parlors are closed and the gas lighted1 full evening dress is required4 ,,carriage ,,dress4 ,the material for a dress for a drive through the public streets of a city1 or along a fashionable drive or park1 cannot be too rich4 ,silks1 velvets and laces1 are all appropriate1 with rich jewelry and costly furs in cold weather4 ,if the fashion require it1 the carriage dress may be long enough to trail1 or it may be of the length of a walking dress1 which many prefer4 ,for driving in the country1 a different style of dress is required1 as the dust and mud would soil rich material4 ,,visiting ,,costumes4 ,visiting costumes1 or those worn at a funeral or informal calls1 are of richer material than walking suits4 ,the bonnet is either simple or rich1 according to the taste of the wearer4 ,a jacket of velvet1 or shawl1 or fur-trimmed mantle are the concomitants of the carriage dress for winter4 ,in summer all should be bright1 cool1 agreeable to wear and pleasant to look at4 ,,dress ,,for ,,morning ,,calls4 ,morning calls may be made either in walking or carriage dress1 provided the latter is justified by the presence of the carriage4 ,the dress should be of silk2 collar and cuffs of the finest lace2 light gloves2 a full dress bonnet and jewelry of gold1 either dead1 burnished or enameled1 or of cameo or coral4 ,diamonds are not usually worn in daylight4 ,a dress of black or neutral tint1 in which light colors are introduced only in small quantities1 is the most appropriate for a morning call4 ,,morning ,,dress ,,for ,,street4 ,the morning dress for the street should be quiet in color1 plainly made and of serviceable material4 ,it should be short enough to clear the ground without collecting mud and garbage4 ,lisle-thread gloves in midsummer1 thick gloves in midwinter1 are more comfortable for street wear than kid ones4 ,linen collars and cuffs are most suitable for morning street dress4 ,the bonnet and hat should be quiet and inexpressive1 matching the dress as nearly as possible4 ,in stormy weather a large waterproof with hood is more convenient and less troublesome than an umbrella4 ,the morning dress for visiting or breakfasting in public may be1 in winter1 of woolen goods1 simply made and quietly trimmed1 and in summer1 of cambric1 pique1 marseilles or other wash goods1 either white or figured4 ,for morning wear at home the dress may be still simpler4 ,the hair should be plainly arranged without ornament4 ,,the ,,promenade ,,dress4 ,the dress for the promenade should be in perfect harmony with itself4 ,all the colors worn should harmonize if they are not strictly identical4 ,the bonnet should not be of one color1 and parasol of another1 the dress of a third and the gloves of a fourth4 ,nor should one article be new and another shabby4 ,the collars and cuffs should be of lace2 the kid gloves should be selected to harmonize with the color of the dress1 a perfect fit4 ,the jewelry worn should be bracelets1 cuff-buttons1 plain gold ear-rings1 a watch chain and brooch4 ,,opera ,,dress4 ,opera dress for matinees may be as elegant as for morning calls4 ,a bonnet is always worn even by those who occupy boxes1 but it may be as dressy as one chooses to make it4 ,in the evening1 ladies are at liberty to wear evening dresses1 with ornaments in their hair1 instead of a bonnet1 and as the effect of light colors is much better than dark in a well-lighted opera house1 they should predominate4 ,,the ,,riding ,,dress4 ,a lady's riding habit should fit perfectly without being tight4 ,the skirt must be full1 and long enough to cover the feet1 but not of extreme length4 ,the boots must be stout and the gloves gauntleted4 ,broadcloth is regarded as the more dressy cloth1 though waterproof is the more serviceable4 ,something lighter may be worn for summer1 and in the lighter costumes a row of shot must be stitched at the bottom of the breadths of the left side to prevent the skirts from being blown by the wind4 ,the riding dress is made to fit the waist closely1 and button nearly to the throat4 ,above a small collar or reverse of the waist is shown a plain linen collar1 fastened at the throat with a bright or black necktie4 ,coat sleeves should come to the wrist with linen cuffs beneath them4 ,no lace or embroidery is allowable in a riding costume4 ,it is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of the usual length1 and the long skirt fastened over it1 so that if any accident occurs obliging the lady to dismount1 she may easily remove the long overskirt and still be properly dressed4 ,the hair should be put up compactly1 and no veil should be allowed to stream in the wind4 ,the shape of the hat will vary with the fashion1 but it should always be plainly trimmed1 and if feathers are worn they must be fastened so that the wind cannot blow them over the wearer's eyes4 ,a ,,walking ,,suit4 ,the material for a walking suit may be either rich or plain to suit the taste and means of the wearer4 ,it should always be well made and never appear shabby4 ,bright colors appear best only as trimmings4 ,black has generally been adopted for street dresses as the most becoming4 ,for the country1 walking dresses are made tasteful1 solid and strong1 more for service than display1 and what would be perfectly appropriate for the streets of a city would be entirely out of place on the muddy1 unpaved walks of a small town or in a country neighborhood4 ,the walking or promenade dress is always made short enough to clear the ground4 ,thick boots are worn with the walking suit4 ,,dress ,,for ,,ladies ,,of ,,business4 ,for women who are engaged in some daily employment such as teachers1 saleswomen and those who are occupied in literature1 art or business of some sort1 the dress should be somewhat different from the ordinary walking costume4 ,its material should be more serviceable1 better fitted to endure the vicissitudes of the weather1 and of quiet colors1 such as brown or gray1 and not easily soiled4 ,while the costume should not be of the simplest nature1 it should dispense with all superfluities in the way of trimming4 ,it should be made with special reference to a free use of the arms1 and to easy locomotion4 ,linen cuffs and collars are best suited to this kind of dress1 gloves which can be easily removed1 street walking boots1 and for jewelry1 plain cuff-buttons1 brooch and watch chain4 ,the hat or bonnet should be neat and tasty1 with but few flowers or feathers4 ,for winter wear1 waterproof1 tastefully made up1 is the best material for a business woman's outer garment4 ,,ordinary ,,evening ,,dress4 ,the ordinary evening house dress should be tasteful and becoming1 with a certain amount of ornament1 and worn with jewelry4 ,silks are the most appropriate for this dress1 but all the heavy woolen dress fabrics for winter1 and the lighter lawns and organdies for summer1 elegantly made1 are suitable4 ,for winter1 the colors should be rich and warm1 and knots of bright ribbon of a becoming color1 should be worn at the throat and in the hair4 ,the latter should be plainly dressed4 ,artificial flowers and diamonds are out of place4 ,this is both a suitable dress in which to receive or make a casual evening call4 ,if a hood is worn1 it must be removed during the call4 ,otherwise a full dress bonnet must be worn4 ,,dress ,,for ,,social ,,party4 ,for the social evening party1 more latitude is allowed in the choice of colors1 material1 trimmings1 etc41 than for the ordinary evening dress4 ,dresses should cover the arms and shoulder2 but if cut low in the neck1 and with short sleeves1 puffed illusion waists or some similar device should be employed to cover the neck and arms4 ,gloves may or may not be worn1 but if they are they should be of some light color4 ,,dress ,,for ,,church4 ,the dress for church should be plain1 of dark1 quiet colors1 with no superfluous trimming or jewelry4 ,it should1 in fact1 be the plainest of promenade dresses1 as church is not the place for display of fine clothes4 ,,the ,,dress ,,for ,,the ,,theatre4 ,the promenade dress with the addition of a handsome cloak or shawl1 which may be thrown aside if it is uncomfortable1 is suitable for a theatre4 ,the dress should be quiet and plain without any attempt at display4 ,either a bonnet or hat may be worn4 ,gloves should be dark1 harmonizing with the dress4 ,,dress ,,for ,,lecture ,,and ,,concert4 ,for the lecture or concert1 silk is an appropriate dress1 and should be worn with lace collars and cuffs and jewelry4 ,a rich shawl or velvet promenade cloak1 or opera cloak for a concert is an appropriate outer garment4 ,the latter may or may not be kept on the shoulders during the evening4 ,white or light kid gloves should be worn4 ,,croquet1 ,,archery ,,and ,,skating ,,costumes4 ,croquet and archery costumes may be similar1 and they admit of more brilliancy in coloring than any of the out-of-door costumes4 ,they should be short1 displaying a handsomely fitting but stout boot1 and should be so arranged as to leave the arms perfectly free4 ,the gloves should be soft and washable4 ,kid is not suitable for either occasion4 ,the hat should have a broad brim1 so as to shield the face from the sun1 and render a parasol unnecessary4 ,the trimming for archery costumes is usually of green4 ,an elegant skating costume may be of velvet1 trimmed with fur1 with fur bordered gloves and boots4 ,any of the warm1 bright colored wool fabrics1 however1 are suitable for the dress4 ,if blue or green are worn1 they should be relieved with trimmings of dark furs4 ,silk is not suitable for skating costume4 ,to avoid suffering from cold feet1 the boot should be amply loose4 ,,bathing ,,costume4 ,flannel is the best material for a bathing costume1 and gray is regarded as the most suitable color4 ,it may be trimmed with bright worsted braid4 ,the best form is the loose sacque1 or the yoke waist1 both of them to be belted in1 and falling about midway between the knee and ankle2 an oilskin cap to protect the hair from the water1 and merino socks to match the dress1 complete the costume4 ,,traveling ,,dress4 ,comfort and protection from dust and dirt are the requirements of a traveling dress4 ,when a lady is about making an extensive journey1 a traveling suit is a great convenience1 but for a short journey1 a large linen overdress or duster may be put on over the ordinary dress in summer1 and in winter a waterproof cloak may be used in the same way4 ,for traveling costumes a variety of materials may be used1 of soft1 neutral tints1 and smooth surface which does not retain the dust4 ,these should be made up plainly and quite short4 ,the underskirts should be colored1 woolen in winter and linen in summer4 ,the hat or bonnet must be plainly trimmed and completely protected by a large veil4 ,velvet is unfit for a traveling hat1 as it catches and retains the dust2 collars and cuffs of plain linen4 ,the hair should be put up in the plainest manner4 ,a waterproof and warm woolen shawl are indispensible1 and may be rolled in a shawl strap when not needed4 ,a satchel should be carried1 in which may be kept a change of collars1 cuffs1 gloves1 handkerchiefs1 toilet articles1 and towels4 ,a traveling dress should be well supplied with pockets4 ,the waterproof should have large pockets1 and there should be one in the underskirt in which to carry such money and valuables as are not needed for immediate use4 ,,the ,,wedding ,,dress4 ,a full bridal costume should be white from head to foot4 ,the dress may be of silk1 heavily corded1 moire antique1 satin or plain silk1 merino1 alpaca1 crape1 lawn or muslin4 ,the veil may be of lace1 tulle or illusion1 but it must be long and full4 ,it may or may not descend over the face4 ,orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden blush roses should form the bridal wreath and bouquet4 ,the dress is high and the arms covered4 ,slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete the dress4 ,the dress of the bridegroom and ushers is given in the chapter treating of the etiquette of weddings4 ,,dress ,,of ,,bridemaids4 ,the dresses of bridemaids are not so elaborate as that of the bride4 ,they should also be of white1 but may be trimmed with delicately colored flowers and ribbons4 ,white tulle1 worn over pale pink or blue silk and caught up with blush roses or forget-me-nots1 with bouquet de corsage and hand bouquet of the same1 makes a beautiful costume for the bridemaids4 ,the latter1 may or may not1 wear veils1 but if they do1 they should be shorter than that of the bride4 ,,traveling ,,dress ,,of ,a ,,bride4 ,this should be of silk1 or any of the fine fabrics for walking dresses2 should be of some neutral tint2 and bonnet and gloves should match in color4 ,it may be more elaborately trimmed than an ordinary traveling dress1 but if the bride wishes to attract as little attention as possible1 she will not make herself conspicuous by a too showy dress4 ,in private weddings the bride is sometimes married in traveling costume1 and the bridal pair at once set out upon their journey4 ,,dress ,,at ,,wedding ,,receptions4 ,at wedding receptions in the evening1 guests should wear full evening dress4 ,no one should attend in black or mourning dress1 which should give place to grey or lavender4 ,at a morning reception of the wedded couple1 guests should wear the richest street costume with white gloves4 ,,mourning4 ,the people of the ,united ,states have settled upon no prescribed periods for the wearing of mourning garments4 ,some wear them long after their hearts have ceased to mourn4 ,where there is profound grief1 no rules are needed1 but where the sorrow is not so great1 there is need of observance of fixed periods for wearing mourning4 ,deep mourning requires the heaviest black of serge1 bombazine1 lustreless alpaca1 delaine1 merino or similar heavily clinging material1 with collar and cuffs of crape4 ,mourning garments should have little or no trimming2 no flounces1 ruffles or bows are allowable4 ,if the dress is not made en suite1 then a long or square shawl of barege or cashmere with crape border is worn4 ,the bonnet is of black crape2 a hat is inadmissible4 ,the veil is of crape or barege with heavy border2 black gloves and black-bordered handkerchief4 ,in winter dark furs may be worn with the deepest mourning4 ,jewelry is strictly forbidden1 and all pins1 buckles1 etc41 must be of jet4 ,lustreless alpaca and black silk trimmed with crape may be worn in second mourning1 with white collars and cuffs4 ,the crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle1 but the jet jewelry is still retained4 ,a still less degree of mourning is indicated by black and white1 purple and gray1 or a combination of these colors4 ,crape is still retained in bonnet trimming1 and crape flowers may be added4 ,light gray1 white and black1 and light shades of lilac1 indicate a slight mourning4 ,black lace bonnet1 with white or violet flowers1 supercedes crape1 and jet and gold jewelry is worn4 ,,periods ,,of ,,wearing ,,mourning4 ,the following rules have been given by an authority competent to speak on these matters regarding the degree of mourning and the length of time it should be worn3 ,the deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband4 ,it is worn two years1 sometimes longer4 ,widow's mourning for the first year consists of solid black woolen goods1 collar and cuffs of folded untrimmed crape1 a simple crape bonnet1 and a long1 thick1 black crape veil4 ,the second year1 silk trimmed with crape1 black lace collar and cuffs1 and a shorter veil may be worn1 and in the last six months gray1 violet and white are permitted4 ,a widow should wear the hair perfectly plain if she does not wear a cap1 and should always wear a bonnet1 never a hat4 ,the mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year4 ,the first six months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with crape1 black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings1 black crape veil1 collar and cuffs of black crape4 ,three months1 black silk with crape trimming1 white or black lace collar and cuffs1 veil of tulle and white bonnet-facings2 and the last three months in gray1 purple and violet4 ,mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn for a parent4 ,mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months1 three months black woolen goods1 white collar and cuffs1 short crape veil and bonnet of crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon2 six weeks in black silk trimmed with crape1 lace collar and cuffs1 short tulle veil2 and six weeks in gray1 purple1 white and violet4 ,mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance1 is the same as that worn for a grandparent4 ,mourning for a brother or sister is worn six months1 two months in solid black trimmed with crape1 white linen collar and cuffs1 bonnet of black with white facing and black strings2 two months in black silk1 with white lace collar and cuffs2 and two months in gray1 purple1 white and violet4 ,mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months1 and is the second mourning named above1 tulle1 white linen and white bonnet facings being worn at once4 ,for a nephew or niece1 the same is worn for the same length of time4 ,the deepest mourning excludes kid gloves2 they should be of cloth1 silk or thread2 and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close mourning4 ,embroidery1 jet trimmings1 puffs1 plaits--in fact1 trimming of any kind--is forbidden in deep mourning1 but worn when it is lightened4 ,mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen1 with a border of black1 very wide for close mourning1 narrower as the black is lightened4 ,mourning silks should be perfectly lusterless1 and the ribbons worn without any gloss4 ,ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress1 even if they are not in mourning2 and it is bad taste to appear with a gay bonnet or shawl1 as if for a festive occasion4 ,the mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer and gray in winter1 with black trimmings1 belt1 sleeve ruffles and bonnet ribbons4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxxi4 ,harmony of ,colors in ,dress4 ,the selection and proper arrangement of colors1 so that they will produce the most pleasant harmony1 is one of the most desirable requisites in dress4 ,sir ,joshua ,reynolds says3 ,color is the last attainment of excellence in every school of painting4 ,the same may also be said in regard to the art of using colors in dress4 ,nevertheless1 it is the first thing to which we should give our attention and study4 ,we put bright colors upon our little children2 we dress our young girls in light and delicate shades2 the blooming matron is justified in adopting the warm1 rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf1 while black and neutral tints are declared appropriate to the old4 ,one color should predominate in the dress2 and if another is adopted1 it should be in a limited quantity and only by way of contrast or harmony4 ,some colors may never1 under any circumstances1 be worn together1 because they produce positive discord to the eye4 ,if the dress be blue1 red should never be introduced by way of trimming1 or vice versa4 ,red and blue1 red and yellow1 blue and yellow1 and scarlet and crimson may never be united in the same costume4 ,if the dress be red1 green maybe introduced in a minute quantity2 if blue1 orange2 if green1 crimson4 ,scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies1 each killing the other whenever they meet4 ,two contrasting colors1 such as red and green1 may not be used in equal quantities in the dress1 as they are both so positive in tone that they divide and distract the attention4 ,when two colors are worn in any quantity1 one must approach a neutral tint1 such as gray or drab4 ,black may be worn with any color1 though it looks best with the lighter shades of the different colors4 ,white may also be worn with any color1 though it looks best with the darker tones4 ,thus white and crimson1 black and pink1 each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink4 ,drab1 being a shade of no color between black and white1 may be worn with equal effect with all4 ,a person of very fair1 delicate complexion1 should always wear the most delicate of tints1 such as light blue1 mauve and pea-green4 ,a brunette requires bright colors1 such as scarlet and orange1 to bring out the brilliant tints in her complexion4 ,a florid face and auburn hair call for blue4 ,black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet1 orange or white1 and will bear diamonds1 pearls or lustreless gold4 ,dark brown hair will bear light blue1 or dark blue in a lesser quantity4 ,if the hair has no richness of coloring1 a pale yellowish green will by reflection produce the lacking warm tint4 ,light brown hair requires blue1 which sets off to advantage the golden tint4 ,pure golden or yellow hair needs blue1 and its beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or white flowers4 ,auburn hair1 if verging on the red1 needs scarlet to tone it down4 ,if of a golden red1 blue1 green1 purple or black will bring out the richness of its tints4 ,flaxen hair requires blue4 ,,material ,,for ,,dress4 ,the material for dress must be selected with reference to the purpose which it is to serve4 ,no one buys a yellow satin dress for the promenade1 yet a yellow satin seen by gaslight is beautiful1 as an evening-dress4 ,neither would one buy a heavy serge of neutral tint for an opera-dress4 ,,size ,,in ,,relation ,,to ,,dress ,,and ,,colors4 ,a small person may dress in light colors which would be simply ridiculous on a person of larger proportions4 ,so a lady of majestic appearance should never wear white1 but will be seen to the best advantage in black or dark tints4 ,a lady of diminutive stature is dressed in bad taste when she appears in a garment with large figures1 plaids or stripes4 ,neither should a lady of large proportions be seen in similar garments1 because1 united with her size1 they give her a loud appearance4 ,indeed1 pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are never in perfect taste4 ,heavy1 rich materials suit a tall figure1 while light1 full draperies should only be worn by those of slender proportions and not too short4 ,the very short and stout must be content with meagre drapery and quiet colors4 ,tall and slim persons should avoid stripes2 short1 chunky ones1 flounces1 or any horizontal trimming of the dress which1 by breaking the outline from the waist to the feet1 produces an effect of shortening4 ,,how ,,colors ,,harmonize4 ,colors may form a harmony either by contrast or by analogy4 ,when two remote shades of one color are associated1 such as very light blue and a very dark blue1 they harmonize by contrast1 though the harmony may be neither striking nor perfect4 ,when two colors which are similar to each other are grouped1 such as orange and scarlet1 crimson and orange1 they harmonize by analogy4 ,a harmony of contrast is characterized by brilliancy and decision1 and a harmony of analogy by a quiet and pleasing association of colors4 ,when a color is chosen which is favorable to the complexion1 it is well to associate with it the tints which will harmonize by analogy1 as to use contrasting colors would diminish its favorable effect4 ,when a color is used in dress1 not suitable to the complexion1 it should be associated with contrasting colors1 as they have the power to neutralize its objectionable influence4 ,illustration ,colors of similar power which contrast with each other1 mutually intensify each other's brilliancy1 as blue and orange1 scarlet and green2 but dark and light colors associated do not intensify each other to the same degree1 the dark appearing darker and the light appearing lighter1 as dark blue and straw color4 ,colors which harmonize with each other by analogy1 reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less degree1 as white and yellow1 blue and purple1 black and brown4 ,the various shades of purple and lilac1 dark blues and dark greens1 lose much of their brilliancy by gaslight1 while orange1 scarlet1 crimson1 the light browns and light greens1 gain brilliancy by a strong artificial light4 ,below the reader will find a list of colors that harmonize1 forming most agreeable combinations1 in which are included all the latest and most fashionable shades and colors3 ,black and pink4 ,black and lilac4 ,black and scarlet4 ,black and maize4 ,black and slate color4 ,black and orange1 a rich harmony4 ,black and white1 a perfect harmony4 ,black and brown1 a dull harmony4 ,black and drab or buff4 ,black1 white or yellow and crimson4 ,black1 orange1 blue and scarlet4 ,black and chocolate brown4 ,black and shaded cardinal4 ,black and cardinal4 ,black1 yellow1 bronze and light blue4 ,black1 cardinal1 blue and old gold4 ,blue and brown4 ,blue and black4 ,blue and gold1 a rich harmony4 ,blue and orange1 a perfect harmony4 ,blue and chestnut 7or chocolate74 ,blue and maize4 ,blue and straw color4 ,blue and white4 ,blue and fawn color1 weak harmony4 ,blue and stone color4 ,blue and drab4 ,blue and lilac1 weak harmony4 ,blue and crimson1 imperfectly4 ,blue and pink1 poor harmony4 ,blue and salmon color4 ,blue1 scarlet and purple 7or lilac74 ,blue1 orange and black4 ,blue1 orange and green4 ,blue1 brown1 crimson and gold 7or yellow74 ,blue1 orange1 black and white4 ,blue1 pink and bronze green4 ,blue1 cardinal and old gold4 ,blue1 yellow1 chocolate-brown and gold4 ,blue1 mulberry and yellow4 ,bronze and old gold4 ,bronze1 pink and light blue4 ,bronze1 black1 blue1 pink and gold4 ,bronze1 cardinal and peacock blue4 ,brown1 blue1 green1 cardinal and yellow4 ,brown1 yellow1 cardinal and peacock blue4 ,crimson and gold1 rich harmony4 ,crimson and orange1 rich harmony4 ,crimson and brown1 dull harmony4 ,crimson and black1 dull harmony4 ,crimson and drab4 ,crimson and maize4 ,crimson and purple4 ,cardinal and old gold4 ,cardinal1 brown and black4 ,cardinal and navy blue4 ,chocolate1 blue1 pink and gold4 ,claret and old gold4 ,dark green1 white and cardinal4 ,ecrue1 bronze and peacock4 ,ecrue and light blue4 ,garnet1 bronze and pink4 ,gensd'arme and cardinal4 ,gensd'arme and bronze4 ,gensd'arme and myrtle4 ,gensd'arme and old gold4 ,gensd'arme1 yellow and cardinal4 ,gensd'arme1 pink1 cardinal and lavender4 ,green and gold1 or gold color4 ,green and scarlet4 ,green and orange4 ,green and yellow4 ,green1 crimson1 blue and gold1 or yellow4 ,green1 blue and scarlet4 ,green1 gold and mulberry4 ,green and cardinal4 ,lilac and white1 poor4 ,lilac and gray1 poor4 ,lilac and maize4 ,lilac and cherry4 ,lilac and gold1 or gold color4 ,lilac and scarlet4 ,lilac and crimson4 ,lilac1 scarlet and white or black4 ,lilac1 gold color and crimson4 ,lilac1 yellow or gold1 scarlet and white4 ,light pink and garnet4 ,light drab1 pine1 yellow and white4 ,myrtle and old gold4 ,myrtle and bronze4 ,myrtle1 red1 blue and yellow4 ,myrtle1 mulberry1 cardinal1 gold and light green4 ,mulberry and old gold4 ,mulberry and gold4 ,mulberry and bronze4 ,mulberry1 bronze and gold4 ,mulberry and pearl4 ,mode1 pearl and mulberry4 ,maroon1 yellow1 silvery gray and light green4 ,navy blue1 light blue and gold4 ,navy blue1 gensd'arme and pearl4 ,navy blue1 maize1 cardinal and yellow4 ,orange and bronze1 agreeable4 ,orange and chestnut4 ,orange1 lilac and crimson4 ,orange1 red and green4 ,orange1 purple and scarlet4 ,orange1 blue1 scarlet and purple4 ,orange1 blue1 scarlet and claret4 ,orange1 blue1 scarlet1 white and green4 ,orange1 blue and crimson4 ,pearl1 light blue and peacock blue4 ,peacock blue and light gold4 ,peacock blue and old gold4 ,peacock blue and cardinal4 ,peacock blue1 pearl1 gold and cardinal4 ,purple and maize4 ,purple and blue4 ,purple and gold1 or gold color1 rich4 ,purple and orange1 rich4 ,purple and black1 heavy4 ,purple and white1 cold4 ,purple1 scarlet and gold color4 ,purple1 scarlet and white4 ,purple1 scarlet1 blue and orange4 ,purple1 scarlet1 blue1 yellow and black4 ,red and white1 or gray4 ,red and gold1 or gold color4 ,red1 orange and green4 ,red1 yellow or gold color and black4 ,red1 gold color1 black and white4 ,seal brown1 gold and cardinal4 ,sapphire and bronze4 ,sapphire and old gold4 ,sapphire and cardinal4 ,sapphire and light blue4 ,sapphire and light pink4 ,sapphire and corn4 ,sapphire and garnet4 ,sapphire and mulberry4 ,shaded blue and black4 ,scarlet and blue4 ,scarlet and slate color4 ,scarlet and orange4 ,scarlet1 blue and white4 ,scarlet1 blue and yellow4 ,scarlet1 black and white4 ,scarlet1 blue1 black and yellow4 ,shaded blue1 shaded garnet and shaded gold4 ,shaded blue and black4 ,white and cherry4 ,white and crimson4 ,white and brown4 ,white and pink4 ,white and scarlet4 ,white and gold color1 poor4 ,yellow and black4 ,yellow and brown4 ,yellow and red4 ,yellow and chestnut or chocolate4 ,yellow and white1 poor4 ,yellow and purple1 agreeable4 ,yellow and violet4 ,yellow and lilac1 weak4 ,yellow and blue1 cold4 ,yellow and crimson4 ,yellow1 purple and crimson4 ,yellow1 purple1 scarlet and blue4 ,yellow1 cardinal and peacock blue4 ,yellow1 pink1 maroon and light blue4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxxii4 ,the ,toilet4 ,to appear at all times neat1 clean and tidy1 is demanded of every well-bred person4 ,the dress may be plain1 rich or extravagant1 but there must be a neatness and cleanliness of the person4 ,whether a lady is possessed of few or many personal attractions1 it is her duty at all times to appear tidy and clean1 and to make herself as comely and attractive as circumstances and surroundings will permit4 ,the same may be said of a gentleman4 ,if a gentleman calls upon a lady1 his duty and his respect for her demand that he shall appear not only in good clothes1 but with well combed hair1 exquisitely clean hands1 well trimmed beard or cleanly shaven face1 while the lady will not show herself in an untidy dress1 or disheveled hair4 ,they should appear at their best4 ,upon the minor details of the toilet depend1 in a great degree1 the health1 not to say the beauty1 of the individual4 ,in fact the highest state of health is equivalent to the highest degree of beauty of which the individual is capable4 ,,perfumes4 ,perfumes1 if used at all1 should be used in the strictest moderation1 and be of the most recherche kind4 ,musk and patchouli should always be avoided1 as1 to many people of sensitive temperament1 their odor is exceedingly disagreeable4 ,cologne water of the best quality is never offensive4 ,,the ,,bath4 ,cleanliness is the outward sign of inward purity4 ,cleanliness of the person is health1 and health is beauty4 ,the bath is consequently a very important means of preserving the health and enhancing the beauty4 ,it is not to be supposed that we bathe simply to become clean1 but because we wish to remain clean4 ,cold water refreshes and invigorates1 but does not cleanse1 and persons who daily use a sponge bath in the morning1 should frequently use a warm one1 of from ninety-six to one hundred degrees ,fahrenheit for cleansing purposes4 ,when a plunge bath is taken1 the safest temperature is from eighty to ninety degrees1 which answers the purposes of both cleansing and refreshing4 ,soap should be plentifully used1 and the fleshbrush applied vigorously1 drying with a coarse ,turkish towel4 ,nothing improves the complexion like the daily use of the fleshbrush1 with early rising and exercise in the open air4 ,in many houses1 in large cities1 there is a separate bath-room1 with hot and cold water1 but in smaller places and country houses this convenience is not to be found4 ,a substitute for the bath-room is a large piece of oil-cloth1 which can be laid upon the floor of an ordinary dressing-room4 ,upon this may be placed the bath tub or basin1 or a person may use it to stand upon while taking a sponge bath4 ,the various kinds of baths1 both hot and cold1 are the shower bath1 the douche1 the hip bath and the sponge bath4 ,the shower bath can only be endured by the most vigorous constitutions1 and therefore cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use4 ,a douche or hip bath may be taken every morning1 with the temperature of the water suited to the endurance of the individual4 ,in summer a sponge bath may be taken upon retiring4 ,once a week a warm bath1 at from ninety to one hundred degrees1 may be taken1 with plenty of soap1 in order to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin4 ,rough towels should be vigorously used after these baths1 not only to remove the impurities of the skin but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the whole body4 ,the hair glove or flesh brush may be used to advantage in the bath before the towel is applied4 ,,the ,,teeth4 ,the teeth should be carefully brushed with a hard brush after each meal1 and also on retiring at night4 ,use the brush so that not only the outside of the teeth becomes white1 but the inside also4 ,after the brush is used plunge it two or three times into a glass of water1 then rub it quite dry on a towel4 ,use tooth-washes or powders very sparingly4 ,castile soap used once a day1 with frequent brushings with pure water and a brush1 cannot fail to keep the teeth clean and white1 unless they are disfigured and destroyed by other bad habits1 such as the use of tobacco1 or too hot or too cold drinks4 ,,decayed ,,teeth4 ,on the slightest appearance of decay or tendency to accumulate tartar1 go at once to the dentist4 ,if a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neglected1 it will eat in until the tooth is eventually destroyed4 ,a dentist seeing the tooth in its first stage1 will remove the decayed part and plug the cavity in a proper manner4 ,,tartar ,,on ,,the ,,teeth4 ,tartar is not so easily dealt with1 but it requires equally early attention4 ,it results from an impaired state of the general health1 and assumes the form of a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums4 ,at first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of the tooth brush2 but if a firm1 solid mass accumulates1 it is necessary to have it chipped off by a dentist4 ,unfortunately1 too1 by that time it will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the teeth on which it fixes1 and is pretty certain to have produced one obnoxious effect--that of tainting the breath4 ,washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush is used has been recommended as a means of removing tartar4 ,tenderness of the gums1 to which some persons are subject1 may sometimes be met by the use of salt and water1 but it is well to rinse the mouth frequently with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it4 ,,foul ,,breath4 ,foul breath1 unless caused by neglected teeth1 indicates a deranged state of the system4 ,when it is occasioned by the teeth or other local case1 use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of solution of chloride of lime in half a tumbler of water4 ,gentlemen smoking1 and thus tainting the breath1 may be glad to know that the common parsley has a peculiar effect in removing the odor of tobacco4 ,,the ,,skin4 ,beauty and health of the skin can only be obtained by perfect cleanliness of the entire person1 an avoidance of all cosmetics1 added to proper diet1 correct habits and early habits of rising and exercise4 ,the skin must be thoroughly washed1 occasionally with warm water and soap1 to remove the oily exudations on its surface4 ,if any unpleasant sensations are experienced after the use of soap1 they may be immediately removed by rinsing the surface with water to which a little lemon juice or vinegar has been added4 ,,preserving ,a ,,youthful ,,complexion4 ,the following rules may be given for the preservation of a youthful complexion3 ,rise early and go to bed early4 ,take plenty of exercise4 ,use plenty of cold water and good soap frequently4 ,be moderate in eating and drinking4 ,do not lace4 ,avoid as much as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded assemblies4 ,shun cosmetics and washes for the skin4 ,the latter dry the skin1 and only defeat the end they are supposed to have in view4 ,,moles4 ,moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the face1 but they should not be tampered with in any way4 ,the only safe and certain mode of getting rid of moles is by a surgical operation4 ,,freckles4 ,freckles are of two kinds4 ,those occasioned by exposure to the sunshine1 and consequently evanescent1 are denominated summer freckles2 those which are constitutional and permanent are called cold freckles4 ,with regard to the latter1 it is impossible to give any advice which will be of value4 ,they result from causes not to be affected by mere external applications4 ,summer freckles are not so difficult to deal with1 and with a little care the skin may be kept free from this cause of disfigurement4 ,some skins are so delicate that they become freckled on the slightest exposure to open air in summer4 ,the cause assigned for this is that the iron in the blood1 forming a junction with the oxygen1 leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place4 ,we give in their appropriate places some recipes for removing these latter freckles from the face4 ,,other ,,discolorations4 ,there are various other discolorations of the skin1 proceeding frequently from derangement of the system4 ,the cause should always be discovered before attempting a remedy2 otherwise you may aggravate the complaint rather than cure it4 ,,the ,,eyes4 ,beautiful eyes are the gift of ,nature1 and can owe little to the toilet4 ,as in the eye consists much of the expression of the face1 therefore it should be borne in mind that those who would have their eyes bear a pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits of character and beautify the soul1 and then this beautiful soul will look through its natural windows4 ,never tamper with the eyes4 ,there is danger of destroying them4 ,all daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and vulgar4 ,,short-,,sightedness4 ,short-sightedness is not always a natural defect4 ,it may be acquired by bad habits in youth4 ,a short-sighted person should supply himself with glasses exactly adapted to his wants2 but it is well not to use these glasses too constantly1 as1 even when they perfectly fit the eye1 they really tend to shorten the sight4 ,unless one is very short-sighted1 it is best to keep the glasses for occasional use1 and trust ordinarily to the unaided eye4 ,parents and teachers should watch their children and see that they do not acquire the habit of holding their books too close to their eyes1 and thus injure their sight4 ,,squint-,,eyes ,,and ,,cross-,,eyes4 ,parents should also be careful that their children do not become squint or cross-eyed through any carelessness4 ,a child's hair hanging down loosely over its eyes1 or a bonnet projecting too far over them1 or a loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the forehead1 is sometimes sufficient to direct the sight irregularly until it becomes permanently crossed4 ,,the ,,eyelashes ,,and ,,eyebrows4 ,a beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye4 ,the lashes may be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood4 ,care should be taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly1 and especially that the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye4 ,the eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the direction in which they should lie4 ,in general1 it is in exceeding bad taste to dye either lashes or brows1 for it usually brings them into disharmony with the hair and features4 ,there are cases1 however1 when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is utterly ruined by white lashes and brows4 ,in such cases one can hardly be blamed if ,india ink is resorted to to give them the desired color4 ,never shave the brows4 ,it adds to their beauty in no way1 and may result in an irregular growth of new hair4 ,,take ,,care ,,of ,,the ,,eyes4 ,the utmost care should be taken of the eyes4 ,they should never be strained in an imperfect light1 whether that of shrouded daylight1 twilight or flickering lamp or candle-light4 ,many persons have an idea that an habitually dark room is best for the eyes4 ,on the contrary1 it weakens them and renders them permanently unable to bear the light of the sun4 ,our eyes were naturally designed to endure the broad light of day1 and the nearer we approach to this in our houses1 the stronger will be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight4 ,,eyebrows ,,meeting4 ,some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose4 ,this is usually considered a disfigurement1 but there is no remedy for it4 ,it may be a consolation for such people to know that the ancients admired this style of eyebrows1 and that ,michael ,angelo possessed it4 ,it is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs2 and if a depilatory is applied1 a mark like that of a scar left from a burn remains1 and is more disfiguring than the hair4 ,,inflamed ,,eyes4 ,if the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly1 do not seek to remove the scales roughly1 for they will bring the lashes with them4 ,apply at night a little cold cream to the edges of the closed eyelids1 and wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water4 ,it is well to have on the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes4 ,spermaceti ointment is simple and well adapted to this purpose4 ,apply at night1 and wash off with rose-water in the morning4 ,there is a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same size in a quart of water2 put the ingredients into the water cold and let them simmer4 ,bathe the eyes frequently with it4 ,,the ,,sty4 ,a sty in the eye is irritating and disfiguring4 ,bathe with warm water2 at night apply a bread-and-milk poultice4 ,when a white head forms1 prick it with a fine needle4 ,should the inflammation be obstinate1 a little citrine ointment may be applied1 care being taken that it does not get into the eye4 ,,the ,,hair4 ,there is nothing that so adds to the charm of an individual1 especially a lady1 as a good head of hair4 ,the skin of the head requires even more tenderness and cleanliness than any other portion of the body1 and is capable of being irritated by disease4 ,the hair should be brushed carefully4 ,the brush should be of moderate hardness1 not too hard4 ,the hair should be separated1 in order that the head itself may be well brushed1 as by doing so the scurf is removed1 and that is most essential1 as it is not only unpleasant and unsightly1 but if suffered to remain it becomes saturated with perspiration1 and tends to weaken the roots of the hair1 so that it is easily pulled out4 ,in brushing or combing1 begin at the extreme points1 and in combing1 hold the portion of hair just above that through which the comb is passing1 firmly between the first and second fingers1 so that if it is entangled it may drag from that point1 and not from the roots4 ,the finest head of hair may be spoiled by the practice of plunging the comb into it high up and dragging it in a reckless manner4 ,short1 loose1 broken hairs are thus created1 and become very troublesome4 ,,the ,,use ,,of ,,hair ,,oils4 ,do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum4 ,a white1 concrete oil pertains naturally to the covering of the human head1 but some persons have it in more abundance than others4 ,those whose hair is glossy and shining need nothing to render it so2 but when the hair is harsh1 poor and dry1 artificial lubrication is necessary4 ,persons who perspire freely1 or who accumulate scurf rapidly1 require it also4 ,nothing is simpler or better in the way of oil than pure1 unscented salad oil1 and in the way of a pomatum1 bear's grease is as pleasant as anything4 ,apply either with the hands1 or keep a soft brush for the purpose1 but take care not to use the oil too freely4 ,an overoiled head of hair is vulgar and offensive4 ,so are scents of any kind in the oil applied to the hair4 ,it is well also to keep a piece of flannel with which to rub the hair at night after brushing it1 in order to remove the oil before laying the head upon the pillow4 ,vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots of the hair4 ,ammonia diluted in water is still better4 ,the hair-brush should be frequently washed in diluted ammonia4 ,for removing scurf1 glycerine1 diluted with a little rose-water1 will be found of service4 ,any preparation of rosemary forms an agreeable and highly cleansing wash4 ,the yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an excellent application to the scalp4 ,many heads of hair require nothing more in the way of wash than soap and water4 ,beware of letting the hair grow too long1 as the points are apt to weaken and split4 ,it is well to have the ends clipped off once a month4 ,young girls should wear their hair cut short until they are grown up1 if they would have it then in its best condition4 ,,dyeing ,,the ,,hair4 ,a serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is almost impossible to give the hair a tint which harmonizes with the complexion4 ,if the hair begins to change early1 and the color goes in patches1 procure from the druggist's a preparation of the husk of the walnut water of eau crayon4 ,this will1 by daily application1 darken the tint of the hair without actually dyeing it4 ,when the change of color has gone on to any great extent1 it is better to abandon the application and put up with the change1 which1 in nine cases out of ten1 will be in accordance with the change of the face4 ,indeed1 there is nothing more beautiful than soft1 white hair worn in bands or clustering curls about the face4 ,the walnut water may be used for toning down too red hair4 ,,baldness4 ,gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies1 owing1 no doubt1 to the use of the close hat1 which confines and overheats the head4 ,if the hair is found to be falling out1 the first thing to do is to look to the hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated4 ,there is no greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress-hat4 ,it is best to lay this hat aside altogether and adopt a light felt or straw in its place4 ,long1 flowing hair on a man is not in good taste1 and will indicate him to the observer as a person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic character--a man1 in brief1 who seeks to impress others with the fact that he is eccentric1 something which a really eccentric person never attempts4 ,,the ,,beard4 ,those who shave should be careful to do so every morning4 ,nothing looks worse than a shabby beard4 ,some persons whose beards are strong should shave twice a day1 especially if they are going to a party in the evening4 ,the style of the growth of the beard should be governed by the character of the face4 ,but whatever the style be1 the great point is to keep it well brushed and trimmed1 and to avoid any appearance of wildness or inattention4 ,the full1 flowing beard of course requires more looking after in the way of cleanliness1 than any other4 ,it should be thoroughly washed and brushed at least twice a day1 as dust is sure to accumulate in it1 and it is very easy to suffer it to become objectionable to one's self as well as to others4 ,if it is naturally glossy1 it is better to avoid the use of oil or pomatum4 ,the moustache should be worn neatly and not over-large4 ,there is nothing that so adds to native manliness as the full beard if carefully and neatly kept4 ,,the ,,hand4 ,the beautiful hand is long and slender1 with tapering fingers and pink1 filbert-shaped nails4 ,the hand to be in proper proportion to the rest of the body1 should be as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of the hair on the forehead4 ,the hands should be kept scrupulously clean1 and therefore should be very frequently washed--not merely rinsed in soap and water1 but thoroughly lathered1 and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush4 ,in cold weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjectionable1 after which the hands should be dipped into cold water and very carefully dried on a fine towel4 ,be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly1 and rub them briskly for some time afterward4 ,when this is not sufficiently attended to in cold weather1 the hands chap and crack4 ,when this occurs1 rub a few drops of honey over them when dry1 or anoint them with cold cream or glycerine before going to bed4 ,,chapped ,,hands4 ,as cold weather is the usual cause of chapped hands1 so the winter season brings with it a cure for them4 ,a thorough washing in snow and soap will cure the worst case of chapped hands1 and leave them beautifully soft4 ,,to ,,make ,,the ,,hands ,,white ,,and ,,delicate4 ,should you wish to make your hands white and delicate1 you might wash them in milk and water for a day or two4 ,on retiring to rest1 rub them well over with some palm oil and put on a pair of woolen gloves4 ,the hands should be thoroughly washed with hot water and soap the next morning1 and a pair of soft leather gloves worn during the day4 ,they should be frequently rubbed together to promote circulation4 ,sunburnt hands may be washed in lime-water or lemon-juice4 ,,treatment ,,of ,,warts4 ,warts1 which are more common with young people than with adults1 are very unsightly1 and are sometimes very difficult to get rid of4 ,the best plan is to buy a stick of lunar caustic1 which is sold in a holder and case at the druggist's for the purpose1 dip it in water1 and touch the wart every morning and evening1 care being taken to cut away the withered skin before repeating the operation4 ,a still better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day with a camel's hair pencil to the summit of the wart4 ,care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch any of the surrounding skin2 to prevent this the finger or hand at the base of the wart may be covered with wax during the operation4 ,,the ,,nails4 ,nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentleman1 however well dressed they may otherwise be1 with unclean nails4 ,it always results from carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the toilet1 which is most reprehensible4 ,the nails should be cut about once a week--certainly not oftener4 ,this should be accomplished just after washing1 the nail being softer at such a time4 ,care should be taken not to cut them too short1 though1 if they are left too long1 they will frequently get torn and broken4 ,they should be nicely rounded at the corners4 ,recollect the filbert-shaped nail is considered the most beautiful4 ,never bite the nails2 it not only is a most disagreeable habit1 but tends to make the nails jagged1 deformed and difficult to clean1 besides gives a red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips4 ,some persons are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the nail as it grows4 ,this may be pressed down by the towel after washing2 or should that not prove efficacious1 it must be loosened round the edge with some blunt instrument4 ,on no account scrape the nails with a view to polishing their surface4 ,such an operation only tends to make them wrinkled4 ,absolute smallness of hand is not essential to beauty1 which requires that the proper proportions should be observed in the human figure4 ,with proper care the hand may be retained beautiful1 soft and shapely1 and yet perform its fair share of labor4 ,the hands should always be protected by gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure them4 ,gloves are imperatively required for garden-work4 ,the hands should always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such labor4 ,if they are roughened by soap1 rinse them in a little vinegar or lemon-juice1 and they will become soft and smooth at once4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,moist ,,hands4 ,people afflicted with moist hands should revolutionize their habits1 take more out-door exercise and more frequent baths4 ,they should adopt a nutritious but not over-stimulating diet1 and perhaps take a tonic of some sort4 ,local applications of starch-powder and the juice of lemon may be used to advantage4 ,,the ,,feet4 ,a well formed foot is broad at the sole1 the toes well spread1 each separate toe perfect and rounded in form4 ,the nails are regular and perfect in shape as those of the fingers4 ,the second toe projects a little beyond the others1 and the first1 or big toe1 stands slightly apart from the rest and is slightly lifted4 ,the feet1 from the circumstance of their being so much confined by boots and shoes1 require more care in washing than the rest of the body4 ,yet they do not always get this care4 ,the hands receive frequent washings every day4 ,once a week is quite as often as many people can bestow the same attention upon their feet4 ,a tepid bath at about #hj or #ij degrees1 should be used4 ,the feet may remain in the water about five minutes1 and the instant they are taken out they should be rapidly and thoroughly dried by being well rubbed with a coarse towel4 ,sometimes bran is used in the water4 ,few things are more invigorating and refreshing after a long walk1 or getting wet in the feet1 than a tepid foot-bath1 clean stockings and a pair of easy shoes4 ,after the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails1 as they are so much softer and more pliant after having been immersed in warm water4 ,,treatment ,,for ,,moist ,,or ,,damp ,,feet4 ,some persons are troubled with moist or damp feet4 ,this complaint arises more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time1 and the greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to it4 ,persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice a day in soap and warm water1 after which they should put on clean socks4 ,should this fail to cure1 they may1 after being washed as above1 be rinsed1 and then thoroughly rubbed with a mixture consisting of half a pint of warm water and three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of soda4 ,,blisters ,,on ,,the ,,feet4 ,people who walk much are frequently afflicted with blisters4 ,the best preventative of these is to have easy1 well-fitting boots and woolen socks4 ,should blisters occur1 a very good plan is to pass a large darning-needle threaded with worsted through the blister lengthwise1 leaving an inch or so of the thread outside at each end4 ,this keeps the scurf-skin close to the true skin1 and prevents any grit or dirt entering4 ,the thread absorbs the matter1 and the old skin remains until the new one grows4 ,a blister should not be punctured save in this manner1 as it may degenerate into a sore and become very troublesome4 ,,chilblains4 ,to avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to observe three rules3 #a4 ,avoid getting the feet wet2 if they become so1 change the shoes and stockings at once4 #b4 ,wear lamb's wool socks or stockings4 #c4 ,never under any circumstances toast your toes before the fire1 especially if you are very cold4 ,frequent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of alum is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains4 ,on the first indication of any redness of the toes and sensation of itching it would be well to rub them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary1 to which a little turpentine has been added4 ,then a piece of lint soaked in camphorated spirits1 opodeldoc or camphor liniment may be applied and retained on the part4 ,should the chilblain break1 dress it twice daily with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax1 with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine4 ,,the ,,toe ,,nails4 ,the toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger-nails1 but they should be looked after and trimmed at least once a fortnight4 ,they are much more subject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails1 owing to their confined position4 ,if the nails show a tendency to grow in at the sides1 the feet should be bathed in hot water1 pieces of lint introduced beneath the parts with an inward tendency1 and the nail itself scraped longitudinally4 ,pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fingers4 ,keep them a moderate length--long enough to protect the toe1 but not so long as to cut holes in the stockings4 ,always cut the nails2 never tear them1 as is too frequently the practice4 ,be careful not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails1 as that is the great guard to prevent them going into the quick4 ,,corns4 ,it is tolerably safe to say that those who wear loose1 easy-fitting shoes and boots will never be troubled with corns4 ,some people are more liable to corns than others1 and some will persist in the use of tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns4 ,,how ,,to ,,have ,,shoes ,,made4 ,the great fault with modern shoes is that their soles are made too narrow4 ,if one would secure perfect healthfulness of the feet1 he should go to the shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a sheet of paper4 ,let the shoemaker mark with a pencil upon the paper the exact size of his foot1 and then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad as this outlined foot4 ,still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry of our women's feet have been the high1 narrow heels so much worn lately4 ,they make it difficult to walk1 and even in some cases permanently cripple the feet4 ,a shoe1 to be comfortable1 should have a broad sole and a heel of moderate height1 say one-half an inch1 as broad at the bottom as at the top4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxxiii4 ,toilet ,recipes4 ,,to ,,remove ,,freckles4 ,bruise and squeeze the juice out of common chick-weed1 and to this juice add three times its quantity of soft water4 ,bathe the skin with this for five or ten minutes morning and evening1 and wash afterwards with clean water4 ,elder flowers treated and applied exactly in the same manner as above4 ,when the flowers are not to be had1 the distilled water from them1 which may be procured from any druggist1 will answer the purpose4 ,a good freckle lotion is made of honey1 one ounce1 mixed with one pint of lukewarm water4 ,apply when cold4 ,carbonate of potassa1 twenty grains2 milk of almonds1 three ounces2 oil of sassafras1 three drops4 ,mix and apply two or three times a day4 ,one ounce of alcohol2 half a dram salts tartar2 one dram oil bitter almonds4 ,let stand for one day and apply every second day4 ,,for ,,pimples ,,on ,,the ,,face4 ,wash the face in a solution composed of one teaspoonful of carbolic acid to a pint of water4 ,this is an excellent purifying lotion1 and may be used on the most delicate skin4 ,be careful not to get any of it in the eyes as it will weaken them4 ,one tablespoonful of borax to half a pint of water is an excellent remedy for cutaneous eruptions1 canker1 ringworm1 etc4 ,pulverize a piece of alum the size of a walnut1 dissolve it in one ounce of lemon juice1 and add one ounce of alcohol4 ,apply once or twice a day4 ,mix two ounces of rose-water with one dram of sulphate of zinc4 ,wet the face gently and let it dry4 ,then touch the affected part with cream4 ,,wash ,,for ,,the ,,complexion4 ,a teaspoonful of the flour of sulphur and a wine-glassful of lime-water1 well shaken and mixed2 half a wine-glass of glycerine and a wine-glass of rose water4 ,rub it on the face every night before going to bed4 ,shake well before using4 ,another prescription1 used by hunters to keep away the black flies and mosquitoes1 is said to leave the skin very clear and fair1 and is as follows3 ,mix one spoonful of the best tar in a pint of pure olive oil or almond oil1 by heating the two together in a tin cup set in boiling water4 ,stir till completely mixed and smooth1 putting in more oil if the compound is too thick to run easily4 ,rub this on the face when going to bed1 and lay patches of soft cloth on the cheeks and forehead to keep the tar from rubbing off4 ,the bed linen must be protected by cloth folded and thrown over the pillows4 ,the whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water2 half an ounce of alum2 half an ounce of sweet almonds2 beat the whole together until it assumes the consistency of paste4 ,spread upon a silk or muslin mask1 to be worn at night4 ,take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of wine till it becomes a rich tincture4 ,in using it pour fifteen drops into a glass of water1 wash the face and hands and allow it to dry4 ,,boracic ,,acid ,,for ,,skin ,,diseases4 ,boracic acid has been used with great success as an external application in the treatment of vegetable parasitic diseases of the skin4 ,a solution of a dram of the acid to an ounce of water1 or as much of the acid as the water will take up1 is found to meet the requirements of the case satisfactorily4 ,the affected parts should be well bathed in the solution twice a day and well rubbed4 ,,to ,,soften ,,the ,,skin4 ,mix half an ounce of glycerine with half an ounce of alcohol1 and add four ounces of rose-water4 ,shake well together and it is ready for use4 ,this is a splendid remedy for chapped hands4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,ringworm4 ,apply a solution of the root of common narrow-leafed dock1 which belongs to the botanical genus of ,rumex4 ,use vinegar for the solvent4 ,dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash1 the size of a walnut1 in one ounce of water4 ,apply night and morning for a couple of days1 and it will disappear4 ,,to ,,remove ,,sunburn4 ,take two drams of borax1 one dram of alum1 one dram of camphor1 half an ounce of sugar-candy1 and a pound of ox-gall4 ,mix and stir well for ten minutes1 and stir it three or four times a fortnight4 ,when clear and transparent1 strain through a blotting paper and bottle for use4 ,,to ,,prevent ,,hair ,,falling ,,out4 ,ammonia one ounce1 rosemary one ounce1 cantharides four drams1 rose-water four ounces1 glycerine one ounce4 ,first wet the head with cold water1 then apply the mixture1 rubbing briskly4 ,vinegar of cantharides half an ounce1 eau-de-cologne one ounce1 rose-water one ounce4 ,the scalp should be brushed briskly until it becomes red1 and the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the hair twice a day4 ,,to ,,beautify ,,the ,,hair4 ,take two ounces of olive oil1 four ounces of good bay rum1 and one dram of the oil of almonds2 mix and shake well4 ,this will darken the hair4 ,,hair ,,oils4 ,mix two ounces of castor oil with three ounces of alcohol1 and add two ounces of olive oil4 ,perfume to liking4 ,,to ,,make ,,pomades ,,for ,,the ,,hair4 ,take the marrow out of a beef shank bone1 melt it in a vessel placed over or in boiling water1 then strain and scent to liking1 with ottar of roses or other perfume4 ,unsalted lard five ounces1 olive oil two and a half ounces1 castor oil one-quarter ounce1 yellow wax and spermaceti one-quarter ounce4 ,these ingredients are to be liquified over a warm bath1 and when cool1 perfume to liking4 ,fresh beef marrow1 boiled with a little almond oil or sweet oil1 and scented with ottar of roses or other mild perfume4 ,a transparent hair pomade is made as follows3 ,take half a pint of fine castor oil and an ounce of white wax4 ,stir until it gets cool enough to thicken1 when perfume may be stirred in2 geranium1 bergamot or lemon oil may be used4 ,,german ,,method ,,of ,,treating ,,the ,,hair4 ,the women of ,germany have remarkably fine and luxuriant hair4 ,the following is their method of managing it3 ,about once in two or three weeks1 boil for half an hour or more a large handful of bran in a quart of soft water2 strain into a basin1 and when tepid1 rub into the water a little white soap4 ,with this wash the head thoroughly1 using a soft linen cloth or towel1 thoroughly dividing the hair so as to reach the roots4 ,then take the yolk of an egg1 slightly beaten in a saucer1 and with the fingers rub it into the roots of the hair4 ,let it remain a few minutes1 and then wash it off entirely with a cloth dipped in pure water4 ,rinse the head well till the yolk of the egg has disappeared from it1 then wipe and rub it dry with a towel1 and comb the hair from the head1 parting it with the fingers1 then apply some soft pomatum4 ,in winter it is best to do all this in a warm room4 ,,to ,,keep ,,the ,,hair ,,from ,,turning ,,grey4 ,take the hulls of butternuts1 about four ounces1 and infuse in a quart of water1 and to this add half an ounce of copperas4 ,apply with a soft brush every two or three days4 ,this preparation is harmless1 and is far better than those dyes made of nitrate of silver4 ,oxide of bismuth four drams1 spermaceti four drams1 pure hog's lard four ounces4 ,melt the two last and add the first4 ,,to ,,cleanse ,,the ,,hair ,,and ,,scalp4 ,beat up a fresh egg and rub it well into the hair1 or if more convenient1 rub it into the hair without beating4 ,rub the egg in until a lather is formed1 occasionally wetting the hands in warm water softened by borax4 ,by the time a lather is formed1 the scalp is clean1 then rinse the egg all out in a basin of warm water1 containing a tablespoonful of powdered borax3 after that rinse in a basin of clean water4 ,,hair ,,wash4 ,bay rum six ounces1 aromatic spirits of ammonia half an ounce1 bergamot oil six drops4 ,mix4 ,,to ,,make ,,the ,,hair ,,grow4 ,if the head be perfectly bald1 nothing will ever cause the hair to grow again4 ,if the scalp be glossy1 and no small hairs are discernible1 the roots or follicles are dead1 and can not be resuscitated4 ,however if small hairs are to be seen1 there is hope4 ,brush well1 and bathe the bald spot three or four times a week with cold1 soft water2 carbonate of ammonia one dram1 tincture of cantharides four drams1 bay rum four ounces1 castor oil two ounces4 ,mix well and use it every day4 ,,sea ,,foam ,,or ,,dry ,,shampoo4 ,take a pint of alcohol1 half pint of bay rum1 and half an ounce of spirits of ammonia1 and one dram of salts tartar4 ,shake well together and it is ready for use4 ,pour a quantity on the head1 rub well with the palm of the hand4 ,it will produce a thick foam1 and will cleanse the scalp4 ,this is used generally by first-class barbers4 ,,barber',s ,,shampoo4 ,to one pint of warm water add half an ounce of salts tartar4 ,cut up very fine a piece of castile soap1 the size of two crackers1 and mix it1 shaking the mixture well1 and it is ready for use4 ,,cleaning ,,gold ,,jewelry4 ,gold ornaments may be kept bright and clean with soap and warm water1 scrubbing them well with a soft nail brush4 ,they may be dried in sawdust of box-wood4 ,imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way4 ,,to ,,loosen ,,stoppers ,,of ,,toilet ,,bottles4 ,let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper and let the bottle stand a foot or two from the fire4 ,after a time tap the stopper smartly1 but not too hard1 with the handle of a hair brush4 ,if this is not effectual1 use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process4 ,it is almost sure to succeed4 ,,to ,,make ,,bandoline4 ,half a pint of water1 rectified spirits with an equal quantity of water three ounces1 gum tragacanth one and a half drams4 ,add perfume1 let the mixture stand for a day or two and then strain4 ,simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes1 strain1 cool1 add a few drops of scent1 and bottle1 corking tightly4 ,iceland moss one-fourth of an ounce1 boiled in a quart of water1 and a little rectified spirit added1 so that it will keep4 ,,to ,,make ,,lip-,,salve4 ,melt in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and spermaceti1 flour of benzoin fifteen grains1 and half an ounce of the oil of almonds4 ,stir till the mixture is cool4 ,color red with alkanet root4 ,,to ,,clean ,,kid ,,boots4 ,mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle1 so that the composition may be well shaken up when required for use4 ,apply to the kid with a piece of sponge and rub dry4 ,the best thing to rub dry with is the palm of the hand4 ,when the kid shows symptoms of cracking1 rub in a few drops of sweet oil4 ,the soles and heels should be polished with common blacking4 ,,to ,,clean ,,patent-,,leather ,,boots4 ,in cleaning patent-leather boots1 first remove all the dirt upon them with a sponge or flannel2 then the boot should be rubbed lightly over with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed oil1 both of which require to be warmed before being mixed4 ,polish with a soft cloth4 ,,to ,,remove ,,stains ,,and ,,spots ,,from ,,silk4 ,boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a short time1 and pour it into a vessel to cool4 ,warm it for use1 and wash the stained part with it and leave dry4 ,wash the soiled part with ether1 and the grease will disappear4 ,we often find that lemon-juice1 vinegar1 oil of vitriol and other sharp corrosives1 stain dyed garments4 ,sometimes1 by adding a little pearlash to a soap-lather and passing the silks through these1 the faded color will be restored4 ,pearlash and warm water will sometimes do alone1 but it is the most efficacious to use the soap-lather and pearlash together4 ,,toothache ,,preventive4 ,use flower of sulphur as a tooth powder every night1 rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather hard toothbrush4 ,if done after dinner1 too1 all the better4 ,it preserves the teeth and does not communicate any smell whatever to the mouth4 ,,how ,,to ,,whiten ,,linen4 ,stains occasioned by fruit1 iron rust and other similar causes may be removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of lime1 the cloth having been previously well washed4 ,the parts subjected to this operation should be subsequently rinsed in soft1 clear1 warm water1 without soap1 and be immediately dried in the sun4 ,oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the same end4 ,,to ,,take ,,stains ,,out ,,of ,,silk4 ,mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of lemon and one ounce of oil of turpentine4 ,grease and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently with a linen rag dipped in the above composition4 ,to remove acid stains from silks1 apply with a soft rag1 spirits of ammonia4 ,,to ,,remove ,,stains ,,from ,,white ,,cotton ,,goods4 ,for mildew1 rub in salt and some buttermilk1 and expose it to the influence of a hot sun4 ,chalk and soap or lemon juice and salt are also good4 ,as fast as the spots become dry1 more should be rubbed on1 and the garment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear4 ,some one of the preceding things will extract most kinds of stains1 but a hot sun is necessary to render any one of them effectual4 ,scalding water will remove fruit stains4 ,so also will hartshorn diluted with warm water1 but it will be necessary to apply it several times4 ,common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry will extract them4 ,colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them1 should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk4 ,,to ,,remove ,,spots ,,of ,,pitch ,,or ,,tar4 ,scrape off all the pitch or tar you can1 then saturate the spots with sweet oil or lard2 rub it in well1 and let it remain in a warm place for an hour4 ,,to ,,extract ,,paint ,,from ,,garments4 ,saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine1 let it remain a number of hours1 then rub it between the hands2 it will crumble away without injury either to the texture or color of any kind of woolen1 cotton or silk goods4 ,,to ,,clean ,,silks ,,and ,,ribbons4 ,take equal quantities of soft lye-soap1 alcohol or gin1 and molasses4 ,put the silk on a clean table without creasing2 rub on the mixture with a flannel cloth4 ,rinse the silk well in cold1 clear water1 and hang it up to dry without wringing4 ,iron it before it gets dry1 on the wrong side4 ,silks and ribbons treated in this way will look very nicely4 ,camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without changing the color of most things4 ,they should be dried in the open air and ironed when pretty dry4 ,the water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very good to wash black silks in2 it stiffens and makes them glossy and black4 ,soap-suds answer very well4 ,they should be washed in two suds and not rinsed in clean water4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,burnt ,,kid ,,or ,,leather ,,shoes4 ,if a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too near the stove1 and thus had them burned1 she can make them nearly as good as ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are still hot1 and then1 when they are cold1 washing it off4 ,it softens the leather and prevents it drawing up4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,corns4 ,soak the feet for half an hour two or three nights successively in a pretty strong solution of common soda4 ,the alkali dissolves the indurated cuticle and the corn comes away1 leaving a little cavity which1 however1 soon fills up4 ,corns between the toes are generally more painful than others1 and are frequently so situated as to be almost inaccessible to the usual remedies4 ,they may be cured by wetting them several times a day with spirits of ammonia4 ,,inflamed ,,eyelids4 ,take a slice of stale bread1 cut as thin as possible1 toast both sides well1 but do not burn it2 when cold soak it in cold water1 then put it between a piece of old linen and apply1 changing when it gets warm4 ,,to ,,make ,,cold ,,cream4 ,melt in a jar two ounces of white wax1 half an ounce of spermaceti1 and mix with a pint of sweet oil4 ,add perfume to suit4 ,melt together an ounce of white wax1 half an ounce of spermaceti1 and mix with a pint of oil of sweet almonds and half a pint of rose-water4 ,beat to a paste4 ,,to ,,make ,,rose-,,water4 ,take half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drams of magnesia4 ,with these mix twelve drops of ottar of roses4 ,add a quart of water1 two ounces of alcohol1 mix in a gradual manner1 and filter through blotting paper4 ,,how ,,to ,,wash ,,laces4 ,take a quart bottle and cover it over with the leg of a soft1 firm stocking1 sew it tightly above and below4 ,then wind the collar or lace smoothly around the covered bottle2 take a fine needle and thread and sew very carefully around the outer edge of the collar or lace1 catching every loop fast to the stocking4 ,then shake the bottle up and down in a pailful of warm soap-suds1 occasionally rubbing the soiled places with a soft sponge4 ,it must be rinsed well after the same manner in clean water4 ,when the lace is clean1 apply a very weak solution of gum arabic and stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry4 ,take off the lace very carefully when perfectly dry4 ,instead of ironing1 lay it between the white leaves of a heavy book2 or1 if you are in a hurry1 iron on flannel between a few thicknesses of fine muslin4 ,done up in this way1 lace collars will wear longer1 stay clean longer1 and have a rich1 new1 lacy look that they will not have otherwise4 ,,how ,,to ,,darken ,,faded ,,false ,,hair4 ,the switches1 curls and frizzes which fashion demands should be worn1 will fade in course of time2 and though they matched the natural hair perfectly at first1 they will finally present a lighter tint4 ,if the hair is brown this can be remedied4 ,obtain a yard of dark brown calico4 ,boil it until the color has well come out into the water4 ,then into this water dip the hair1 and take it out and dry it4 ,repeat the operation until it shall be of the required depth of shade4 ,,putting ,,away ,,furs ,,for ,,the ,,summer4 ,when you are ready to put away furs and woolens1 and want to guard against the depredations of moths1 pack them securely in paper flour sacks and tie them up well4 ,this is better than camphor or tobacco or snuff scattered among them in chests and drawers4 ,before putting your muffs away for the summer1 twirl them by the cord at the ends1 so that every hair will straighten4 ,put them in their boxes and paste a strip of paper where the lid fits on4 ,,to ,,keep ,,the ,,hair ,,in ,,curl4 ,to keep the hair in curl take a few quince-seed1 boil them in water1 and add perfumery if you like2 wet the hair with this and it will keep in curl longer than from the use of any other preparation4 ,it is also good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the wind4 ,,protection ,,against ,,moths4 ,dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol and spirits of turpentine2 keep in a stone bottle and shake before using4 ,dip blotting paper in the liquid1 and place in the box with the articles to be preserved4 ,,to ,,take ,,mildew ,,out ,,of ,,linen4 ,wet the linen in soft water1 rub it well with white soap1 then scrape some fine chalk to powder1 and rub it well into the linen2 lay it out on the grass in the sunshine1 watching to keep it damp with soft water4 ,repeat the process the next day1 and in a few hours the mildew will entirely disappear4 ,,cure ,,for ,,in-,,growing ,,nails ,,on ,,toes4 ,take a little tallow and put it into a spoon1 and heat it over a lamp until it becomes very hot2 then pour it on the sore or granulation4 ,the effect will be almost magical4 ,the pain and tenderness will at once be relieved4 ,the operation causes very little pain if the tallow is perfectly heated4 ,perhaps a repetition may be necessary in some cases4 ,,to ,,remove ,,grease-,,spots ,,from ,,woolen ,,cloth4 ,take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol1 twelve drops of winter green1 one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavendar4 ,a little alkanet to color if you wish4 ,mix4 ,,to ,,clean ,,woolen ,,cloth4 ,take equal parts of spirits hartshorn and ether4 ,ox-gall mixed with it makes it better4 ,,to ,,take ,,ink-,,spots ,,from ,,linen4 ,take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind1 melt it1 and dip the spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow3 ,then throw the linen into the wash4 ,,to ,,remove ,,fruit-,,stains4 ,moisten the parts stained with cold water2 then hold it over the smoke of burning brimstone1 and the stain will disappear4 ,this will remove iron mould also4 ,,cleaning ,,silver4 ,for cleaning silver1 either articles of personal wear or those pertaining to the toilet-table or dressing-case1 there is nothing better than a spoonful of common whiting1 carefully pounded so as to be without lumps1 reduced to a paste with gin4 ,,to ,,remove ,,grease ,,spots4 ,french chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing4 ,spots on silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over them and the blade of a knife is heated 7not too much7 and passed over the paper4 ,,to ,,remove ,a ,,tight ,,ring4 ,when a ring happens to get so tight on a finger that it cannot be removed1 a piece of string1 well soaped1 may be wound tightly round the finger1 commencing at the end of the finger and continued until the ring is reached4 ,then force the end of the twine between the ring and finger1 and as the string is unwound1 the ring will be gradually forced off4 ,,mosquitoes ,,warded ,,off4 ,to ward off mosquitoes1 apply to the skin a solution made of fifty drops of carbolic acid to an ounce of glycerine4 ,mosquito bites may be instantly cured by touching them with the solution4 ,add two or three drops of the ottar of roses to disguise the smell4 ,the pure1 crystalized form of the acid has a less powerful odor than the common preparation4 ,,liniment ,,for ,,the ,,face ,,after ,,shaving4 ,one ounce of lime water1 one ounce of sweet oil1 one drop oil of roses1 is a good liniment for the face after shaving4 ,shake well before using4 ,apply with the forefinger4 ,,to ,,remove ,,sunburn4 ,wash thoroughly with milk of almonds1 which can be obtained at the drug store4 ,,to ,,whiten ,,the ,,finger ,,nails4 ,take two drams of dilute sulphuric acid1 one dram of the tincture of myrrh1 four ounces of spring water1 and mix in a bottle4 ,after washing the hands1 dip the fingers in a little of the mixture4 ,rings with stones or pearls in them should be removed before using this mixture4 ,,to ,,remove ,,tan4 ,tan can be removed from the face by dissolving magnesia in soft water4 ,beat it to a thick mass1 spread it on the face1 and let it remain a minute or two4 ,then wash off with castile soapsuds and rinse with soft water4 ,,to ,,cure ,,warts4 ,take a piece of raw beef steeped in vinegar for twenty-four hours1 tie it on the part affected4 ,apply each night for two weeks4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,in-,,growing ,,toe-,,nails4 ,the best remedy for in-growing toe-nails is to cut a notch about the shape of a ,v in the end of the nail1 about one-quarter the width of the nail from the in-growing side4 ,cut down as nearly to the quick as possible1 and one-third the length of the nail4 ,the pressure of the boot or shoe will tend to close the opening you have made in the nail1 and this soon affords relief4 ,allow the in-growing portion of the nail to grow without cutting it1 until it gets beyond the flesh4 ,,to ,,remove ,,wrinkles4 ,melt one ounce of white wax1 add two ounces of juice of lily-bulbs1 two ounces of honey1 two drams of rose-water1 and a drop or two of ottar of roses4 ,use it twice a day4 ,put powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently hot to melt the gum gently1 and when it liquefies1 cover over your head with a napkin1 and hold your face over the fumes at a distance that will cause you no inconvenience4 ,if it produces headache1 discontinue its use4 ,in washing1 use warm instead of cold water4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,chapped ,,hands4 ,after washing with soap1 rinse the hands in fresh water and dry them thoroughly1 by applying ,indian meal or rice flour4 ,lemon-juice three ounces1 white wine vinegar three ounces1 and white brandy half a pint4 ,add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerine1 and apply freely at night4 ,,to ,,cure ,,chilblains4 ,two tablespoonfuls of lime water mixed with enough sweet oil to make it as thick as lard4 ,rub the chilblains with the mixture and dry it in1 then wrap up in linen4 ,bathe the chilblains in strong alum water1 as hot as it can be borne4 ,when indications of the chilblains first present themselves1 take vinegar three ounces and camphorated spirits of wine one ounce2 mix and rub on the parts affected4 ,bathe the feet in warm water1 in which two or three handsful of common salt have been dissolved4 ,rub with a raw onion dipped in salt4 ,,hair ,,restorative4 ,the oil of mace one-half ounce1 mixed with a pint of deodorized alcohol1 is a powerful stimulant for the hair4 ,to apply it1 pour a spoonful or two into a saucer1 dip a stiff brush into it and brush the hair and head smartly4 ,on bald heads1 if hair will start at all1 it may be stimulated by friction with a piece of flannel till the skin becomes red4 ,repeat this process three times a day1 until the hair begins to grow1 when the tincture may be applied but once a day1 till the growth is well established4 ,the head should be bathed in cold water every morning1 and briskly brushed to bring the blood to the surface4 ,,wash ,,for ,,the ,,teeth4 ,dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of warm water4 ,before the water is quite cold1 add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor4 ,bottle the mixture for use4 ,one wine-glass of the mixture1 added to half a pint of tepid water1 is sufficient for each application4 ,this solution used daily1 beautifies and preserves the teeth4 ,,foe ,,whitening ,,the ,,hands4 ,a wine-glass of cologne and one of lemon-juice strained clear4 ,scrape two cakes of brown ,windsor soap to a powder and mix well in a mould4 ,when hard1 it is fit for use1 and will be found excellent for whitening the hands4 ,wear during the night1 large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or oatmeal1 and tied closely at the wrist4 ,persons who have a great deal of house-work to do1 may keep their hands soft and white by wearing bran or oatmeal mittens4 ,,to ,,reduce ,,the ,,flesh4 ,a strong decoction of sassafras1 drank frequently1 will reduce the flesh as rapidly as any remedy known4 ,a strong infusion is made at the rate of an ounce of sassafras to a quart of water4 ,boil it half an hour very slowly1 and let it stand till cold1 heating again if desired4 ,keep it from the air4 ,,smooth ,,and ,,soft ,,hands4 ,a few drops of glycerine thoroughly rubbed over the hands1 after washing them1 will keep them smooth and soft4 ,,to ,,make ,,tincture ,,of ,,roses4 ,take the leaves of the common rose and place1 without pressing them1 in a glass bottle1 then pour some spirits of wine on them1 close the bottle and let it stand till required for use4 ,its perfume is nearly equal to that of ottar of roses4 ,,soft ,,corns4 ,a weak solution of carbolic acid will heal soft corns between the toes4 ,,burned ,,eyebrows4 ,five grains sulphate of quinine dissolved in an ounce of alcohol1 will1 if applied1 cause eyebrows to grow when burned off by the fire4 ,,to ,,restore ,,gray ,,hair4 ,a recipe for restoring gray hair to its natural color1 said to be very effective when the hair is changing color1 is as follows3 ,one pint of water1 one ounce tincture of acetate of iron1 half an ounce of glycerine1 and five grains sulphuret potassium4 ,mix and let the bottle stand open until the smell of the potassium has disappeared1 then add a few drops of ottar of roses4 ,rub a little into the hair daily1 and it will restore its color and benefit the health4 ,bathing the head in a strong solution of rock salt1 is said to restore gray hair in some cases4 ,make the solution two heaping tablespoonfuls of salt to a quart of boiling water1 and let it stand until cold before using4 ,a solution made of a tablespoonful of carbonate of ammonia to a quart of water is also recommended1 wash the head thoroughly with the solution and brush the hair while wet4 ,,to ,,take ,,stains ,,out ,,of ,,silks4 ,make a solution of two ounces of essence of lemon1 and one ounce oil of turpentine4 ,rub the silk gently with linen cloth1 dipped in the solution4 ,to remove acid stains from silk1 apply spirits of ammonia with a soft rag4 ,,to ,,take ,,ink-,,spots ,,from ,,linen4 ,dip the spotted part of the linen in clean1 pure melted tallow1 before being washed4 ,,to ,,remove ,,discoloration ,,by ,,bruising4 ,apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of very hot water1 and renew frequently until the pain ceases4 ,,to ,,clean ,,kid ,,gloves4 ,make a solution of one quart of distilled benzine with one-fourth of an ounce of carbonate of ammonia1 one-fourth of an ounce of fluid chloroform1 one-fourth of an ounce of sulphuric ether4 ,pour a small quantity into a saucer1 put on the gloves1 and wash1 as if washing the hands1 changing the solution until the gloves are clean4 ,rub them clean and as dry as possible with a clean dry cloth1 and take them off and hang them where there is a good current of air to dry4 ,this solution is also excellent for cleaning ribbons1 silks1 etc41 and is perfectly harmless to the most delicate tints4 ,do not get near the fire when using1 as the benzine is very inflammable4 ,washing the gloves in turpentine1 the same as above1 is also a good means of cleaning them4 ,,perspiration4 ,to remove the unpleasant odor produced by perspiration1 put two tablespoonfuls of the compound spirit of ammonia in a basin of water1 and use it for bathing4 ,it leaves the skin clear1 sweet and fresh as one could wish4 ,it is perfectly harmless1 very cheap1 and is recommended on the authority of an experienced physician4 ,,to ,,remove ,,flesh ,,worms4 ,flesh worms1 or little black specks1 which appear on the nose1 may be removed by washing in warm water1 drying with a towel1 and applying a wash of cologne and liquor of potash1 made of three ounces of the former to one ounce of the latter4 ,,chapped ,,lips4 ,oil of roses four ounces1 white wax one ounce1 spermaceti half an ounce2 melt in a glass vessel1 stirring with a wooden spoon1 and pour into a china or glass cup4 ,,recipes ,,for ,,the ,,care ,,of ,,the ,,teeth4 ,a remedy for unsound gums1 is a gargle made of one ounce of coarsely powdered ,peruvian bark steeped in half a pint of brandy for two weeks4 ,put a teaspoonful of this into a tablespoonful of water1 and gargle the mouth twice a day4 ,the ashes of stale bread1 thoroughly burned1 is said to make a good dentifrice4 ,the teeth should be carefully brushed after every meal1 as a means of preserving a sweet breath4 ,in addition1 a small piece of licorice may be dissolved in the mouth1 which corrects the effects of indigestion4 ,licorice has no smell1 but simply corrects ill-flavored odor4 ,a good way to clean teeth is to dip the brush in water1 rub it over white castile soap1 then dip it in prepared chalk1 and brush the teeth briskly4 ,to beautify the teeth1 dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of boiling water1 and before it is cold1 add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor2 bottle for use4 ,use a teaspoonful of this with an equal quantity of warm water4 ,,to ,,make ,,cold ,,cream4 ,five ounces oil of sweet almonds1 three ounces spermaceti1 half an ounce of white wax1 and three to five drops ottar of roses4 ,melt together in a shallow dish over hot water4 ,strain through a piece of muslin when melted1 and as it begins to cool1 beat it with a silver spoon until cold and snowy white4 ,for the hair use seven ounces of oil of almonds instead of five4 ,,remedy ,,for ,,black ,,teeth4 ,take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt1 pulverize it and mix it well4 ,wash the teeth in the morning and rub them well with the powder4 ,,to ,,cleanse ,,the ,,teeth ,,and ,,gums4 ,take an ounce of myrrh in fine powder1 two tablespoonfuls of honey1 and a little green sage in very fine powder2 mix them well together1 and wet the teeth and gums with a little1 twice a day4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxxiv4 ,sports1 ,games1 ,amusements4 ,there is a great variety of games1 sports and amusements for both out-door and in-door entertainment1 in which both sexes mingle for pleasure1 and brief mention is here made of some of these4 ,,archery4 ,the interest that has been recently awakened in this country in archery1 is worthy of mention4 ,as a graceful1 healthful and innocent sport1 it has no equal among any of the games that have been introduced1 where both sexes participate4 ,our young and middle aged ladies too often neglect out-door physical exertion1 which is essential to acquiring strength of limbs and muscle1 and a gracefulness of carriage which is dependent thereon4 ,it is a mistaken idea that with youth all indulgence in physical recreation should cease4 ,on the contrary1 such exercises as are most conducive to health1 and are attended with pleasure1 might with propriety be kept up by young women as well as by young men1 as a means of retaining strength and elasticity of the muscles2 and1 instead of weak1 trembling frames and broken down constitutions1 in the prime of life1 a bright1 vigorous old age would be the reward4 ,the pursuit of archery is recommended to both young and old1 male and female1 as having advantages far superior to any of the out-door games and exercises1 as a graceful and invigorating pastime1 developing in ladies a strong constitution1 perfection of sight at long range1 and above all1 imparting to the figure a graceful appearance and perfect action of the limbs and chest4 ,let the women of this country devote some of their spare hours to this pleasant1 health-giving sport1 and their reward will be bright1 ruddy faces1 elasticity of movement1 and strong and vigorous constitutions4 ,,implements ,,for ,,archery4 ,for the purposes of archery1 the implements required are the bow1 arrows1 targets1 a quiver pouch and belt1 an arm-guard or brace1 a shooting glove or finger tip1 and a scoring card4 ,the bow is from five to six feet long1 made of lancewood or locust4 ,spanish yew is considered the choicest1 next comes the ,italian1 then the ,english yew2 lancewood and lancewood backed with hickory are used more than any other4 ,in choosing a bow1 get the best you can afford1 it will prove the cheapest in the end4 ,men should use bows six feet long1 pulling from forty to sixty pounds1 and ladies bows of five feet or five feet six inches in length1 and pulling from twenty-five to forty pounds4 ,the arrows are generally of uniform thickness throughout1 and are made of pine2 the finest grades being made of white deal1 with sharp points of iron or brass4 ,they are from #be to #cj inches in length4 ,the quiver belt is worn round the waist1 and contains the arrows which are being used4 ,the arm is protected from the blow of the string by the arm-guard1 a broad guard of strong leather buckled on the left wrist by two straps4 ,a shooting-glove is worn on the right hand to protect the fingers from soreness in drawing the string of the bow4 ,the target consists of a circular1 thick mat of straw1 from two to four feet in diameter1 covered with canvas1 painted in a series of circles4 ,the inner circle is a gold color1 then comes red1 white1 black1 and the outer circle white4 ,the score for a gold hit is nine2 the red #g1 the inner white #e2 the black #c1 and the outer white #a4 ,the use of the bow and arrows1 the proper manner of holding them1 and directions for shooting are to be found in pamphlets of instruction1 which often accompany the implements4 ,,archery ,,clubs ,,and ,,practice4 ,in many cities and villages throughout the country1 clubs have been formed1 and regular days for practice and prize shooting are appointed4 ,each member of the the club is expected to furnish his or her own implements1 and to attend all the practice meetings and prize shootings4 ,the clubs are about equally divided as to ladies and gentlemen1 as both sexes participate equally in the sport4 ,the officers are such as are usually chosen in all organizations1 with the addition of a ,lady ,paramount1 a scorer1 and a ,field ,marshal4 ,the lady paramount is the highest office of honor in the club4 ,she is expected to act as an umpire or judge in all matters of dispute that may come up in the club1 and her decisions must be regarded as final4 ,she is also expected to do all in her power to further the interests of the organization4 ,a field marshal has been appointed by some clubs1 and his duties are to place the targets1 measure the shooting distances1 and have general supervision of the field on practice days4 ,the scorer keeps a score of each individual member of the club4 ,in meeting for practice1 it is customary to have one target for every six1 eight or ten persons1 the latter number being sufficient for any one target4 ,the targets are placed at any distance required1 from thirty to one hundred yards2 ladies being allowed an advantage of about one-fourth the distance in shooting4 ,to beginners1 a distance of from twenty-five to forty yards for gentlemen1 and twenty to thirty for ladies1 is sufficient1 and this distance may be increased as practice is acquired4 ,an equal number of ladies and gentlemen usually occupy one target1 and each shoots a certain number of arrows as agreed upon1 usually from three to six1 a score being kept as the target is hit4 ,after each person has shot the allotted number of arrows1 it is regarded as an end1 and a certain number of ends1 as agreed upon1 constitute a round4 ,for prize shooting1 the ,national ,archery ,association has established three rounds1 known as the ,york ,round1 the ,american ,round1 and the ,columbia ,round 7for ladies74 ,the ,york ,round consists of #gb arrows at #ajj yards1 #dh at #hj yards1 and #bd at #fj yards4 ,the ,american ,round consists of #cj arrows1 each at #fj1 #ej and #dj yards respectively1 and the ,columbia ,round 7for ladies71 #bd arrows1 each at #ej1 #dj and #cj yards respectively4 ,a captain is appointed for each target1 who designates a target scorer1 and the gentleman who makes the largest score1 is appointed captain of the target at the succeeding meeting4 ,the target scorer1 at the close of the round1 hands the score to the official scorer1 who announces the result at the next meeting of the club4 ,some clubs have adopted the plan of having every alternate meeting for prize shooting1 awarding some small token to the lady and gentleman who makes the highest scores4 ,ladies' costume for archery may be more brilliant than for an ordinary walking dress1 and are usually trimmed with green and gold color1 and in many cases a green jacket is worn4 ,the costumes are short enough for convenience in movement1 and made so as to give free and easy movement of the arms4 ,,lawn-,,tennis4 ,amongst all games1 none1 perhaps can so justly lay claim to the honor of antiquity as tennis4 ,the ancient ,greeks played it1 the ,romans knew it as pila1 and ever since those days1 with little intermission1 the game has been played in many ,european countries4 ,after a long season of rest1 the game has now re-appeared in all the freshness of renewed youth4 ,there are many points to be said to commend tennis4 ,both ladies and gentlemen can join in the game1 and often the palm will be borne off by the weaker1 yet fairer sex4 ,the exercise required to enjoy the game is not in any way of an exhausting character1 and affords ladies a training in graceful and charming movements4 ,lawn-tennis may be played either in summer or winter1 and in cold weather1 if the ground be dry1 is a very agreeable out-door recreation4 ,at a croquet or garden party it is certainly a desideratum4 ,the requisites for playing lawn-tennis1 are a lawn or level surface about #de by #ajj feet1 as the court upon which the playing is done is #bg by #gh feet4 ,a net four or five feet in height and #bg feet long1 divides the court4 ,a ball made of india rubber and covered with cloth1 and a racket for each player are the implements needed for playing4 ,the racket is used for handling the ball1 and is about two feet in length1 with net work at the outer end1 by means of which the ball is tossed from one place to another4 ,rules for playing the game are obtained with the implements needed1 which can be procured from dealers in such lines of goods4 ,,croquet4 ,the game of croquet is played by opposite parties1 of one or more on a side1 each player being provided with a mallet and her own ball which are distinguished by their color4 ,the players in their turn place their ball a mallet's length from the starting stake1 and strike it with the mallet1 the object being to pass it through the first one or two hoops4 ,the turning or upper stake must be struck with the ball before the player can pass her ball through the returning hoops1 and on returning to the starting point the ball must hit the starting stake before the player is the winner4 ,the one who passes through all the hoops and gets her ball to the starting stake first is the winner4 ,we do not give the rules of the game as each croquet set is accompanied by a complete set of rules4 ,where four are playing1 two of whom are gentlemen1 one lady and gentleman usually play as partners4 ,as it is the height of ill-manners to display any rudeness1 no lady or gentleman will be so far forgetful as to become angry should the opposing parties be found cheating4 ,invitations to a croquet party may be of the same form as invitations to any other party4 ,,boating4 ,where there is a sufficiently large body or stream of water to admit of it1 boating is a very enjoyable recreation1 which may be pursued by both ladies and gentlemen4 ,there is much danger in sailing1 and the proper management of a sail-boat requires considerable tact and experience4 ,rowing is safer1 but caution should be observed in not over-loading the boat4 ,a gentleman should not invite ladies to ride on the water unless he is thoroughly capable of managing the boat4 ,rowing is a healthful and delightful recreation1 and many ladies become expert and skillful at it4 ,every gentleman should have some knowledge of rowing1 as it is easily acquired4 ,if a gentleman who is inexperienced in rowing1 goes out with other gentlemen in a boat1 he should refrain from any attempt to row1 as he will only display his awkwardness1 and render the ride uncomfortable to his companions4 ,in rowing with a friend1 it is polite to offer him the stroke oar1 which is the post of honor4 ,when two gentlemen take a party of ladies out for a row1 one stands in the boat to steady it and offer assistance to the ladies in getting seated1 and the other aids from the wharf4 ,a lady's dress for rowing should be one which will give perfect freedom to her arm2 a short skirt1 stout boots1 and hat with sufficient brim to protect her face from the sun4 ,,picnics4 ,while ladies and gentlemen never forget their good manners1 and are always polite and courteous1 yet at picnics they are privileged to relax many of the forms and ceremonies required by strict etiquette4 ,here men and women mingle for a day of pleasure in the woods or fields1 or on the water1 and it is the part of all who attend to do what they can for their own and their neighbor's enjoyment4 ,hence1 formal introductions and other ceremonies need not stand in the way of enjoyment either by ladies or gentlemen1 and at the same time no act of rudeness should occur to mar the pleasure of the occasion4 ,it is the duty of gentlemen to do all they can to make the occasion enjoyable and even mirthful4 ,they should also look to providing the means of conveyance to and from the spot selected for the festivities1 make such arrangements as are necessary in the way of providing music1 games1 boats1 and whatever else is needed to enhance the pleasure of the day4 ,the ladies provide the luncheon or dinner1 which is spread upon the grass or eaten out of their baskets1 and at which the restraints of the table are withdrawn4 ,at picnics1 gentlemen become the servants as well as the escorts and guides of the ladies1 and perform such services for ladies in the way of procuring flowers1 carrying baskets1 climbing trees1 baiting their fish-hooks1 and many other things as are requested of them4 ,,private ,,theatricals4 ,private theatricals may be made very pleasing and instructive entertainments for fall or winter evenings1 among either young or married people4 ,they include charades1 proverbs1 tableaux1 dramatic readings1 and the presentation of a short dramatical piece1 and may successfully be given in the parlor or drawing room4 ,the hostess seeks the aid of friends in the preparation of her arrangements1 and if a drama has been determined upon1 she assigns the various parts to each4 ,her friends should aid her in her efforts by giving her all the assistance they can1 and by willingly and good-naturedly complying with any request she may make1 accepting the parts allotted to them1 even if they are obscure or distasteful4 ,they should endeavor to perform their part in any dramatical piece1 tableau or charade as well as possible1 and the success they achieve will determine how conspicuous a part they may be called upon to perform at a subsequent time4 ,the hostess should consult each performer before alloting a part1 and endeavor to suit each one4 ,the host or hostess should not have any conspicuous part assigned them1 unless it is urged by all the other performers4 ,those who are to participate1 should not only learn their parts1 but endeavor to imbue themselves with the spirit of the character they personate1 so as to afford pleasure to all who are invited to witness its performance4 ,when persons have consented to participate in any such entertainment1 only sickness or some very grave cause should prevent them from undertaking their part4 ,supper or refreshments usually follow private theatricals1 of which both the performers and invited guests are invited to partake1 and the remainder of the evening is spent in social intercourse4 ,,etiquette ,,of ,,card ,,playing4 ,never urge any one who seems to be unwilling to play a game of cards4 ,they may have conscientious scruples in the matter1 which must be respected4 ,if you have no scruples of conscience1 it is not courteous to refuse1 when a game cannot be made up without you4 ,you may refuse to play if you do not understand the game thoroughly4 ,if1 however1 you are urged to try1 and your partner and opponents offer to instruct you1 you may accede to their requests1 for in so doing1 you will acquire a better knowledge of the game4 ,married and elderly people take precedence over young and unmarried people1 in a game of cards4 ,it is the privilege of the host and hostess to suggest cards as a means of amusement for the guests4 ,the latter should never call for them4 ,whist is a game of cards so-called1 because it requires silence and close attention4 ,therefore in playing this game1 you must give your whole attention to the cards1 and secure at least comparative silence4 ,do not suggest or keep up any conversation during a game1 which will distract your own mind or the mind of others from the game4 ,never hurry any one who is playing4 ,in endeavoring to play their best1 they should take their own time1 without interruption4 ,betting at cards is vulgar1 partakes of the nature of gambling1 and should at all times be avoided4 ,never finger the cards while they are being dealt1 nor take up any of them until all are dealt out1 when you may take your own cards and proceed to play4 ,in large assemblies it is best to furnish the cards and tables1 and allow guests to play or not1 at their option1 the host and hostess giving their assistance in seeking for people disposed to play1 and in making up a game4 ,in giving card parties1 new cards should be provided on every occasion4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxxv4 ,the ,language of ,flowers4 ,how beautiful and yet how cheap are flowers6 ,not exotics1 but what are called common flowers4 ,a rose1 for instance1 is among the most beautiful of the smiles of nature4 ,the laughing flowers1 exclaims the poet4 ,but there is more than gayety in blooming flowers1 though it takes a wise man to see the beauty1 the love1 and the adaptation of which they are full4 ,what should we think of one who had invented flowers1 supposing that1 before him1 flowers were unknown8 ,would he not be regarded as the opener-up of a paradise of new delight8 ,should we not hail the inventor as a genius1 as a god8 ,and yet these lovely offsprings of the earth have been speaking to man from the first dawn of his existence until now1 telling him of the goodness and wisdom of the ,creative ,power1 which bid the earth bring forth1 not only that which was useful as food1 but also flowers1 the bright consummate flowers to clothe it in beauty and joy6 ,illustration3 ,,flowers4 ,the meanest flower that blows1 can give ,thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears4 ,bring one of the commonest field-flowers into a room1 place it on a table1 or chimney-piece1 and you seem to have brought a ray of sunshine into the place4 ,there is a cheerfulness about flowers4 ,what a delight are they to the drooping invalid6 ,they are a sweet enjoyment1 coming as messengers from the country1 and seeming to say1 ,come and see the place where we grow1 and let your heart be glad in our presence4 ,there is a sentiment attached to flowers1 and this sentiment has been expressed in language by giving names to various flowers1 shrubs and plants4 ,these names constitute a language1 which may be made the medium of pleasant and amusing interchange of thought between men and women4 ,a bouquet of flowers and leaves may be selected and arranged so as to express much depth of feeling--to be truly a poem4 ,we present herewith a list of many flowers and plants1 to which1 by universal consent1 a sentiment has become attached4 ,acacia--,concealed love4 ,acacia1 ,rose--,friendship4 ,acanthus--,arts4 ,adonis ,vernalis--,bitter memories4 ,agnus ,casus--,coldness4 ,agrimony--,thankfulness4 ,almond--,hope4 ,aloe--,superstition4 ,althea--,consumed by love4 ,alyssum1 ,sweet--,worth beyond beauty4 ,amaranth--,immortality4 ,amaryllis--,splendid beauty4 ,ambrosia--,love returned4 ,anemone--,expectation4 ,anemone1 ,garden--,forsaken4 ,angelica--,inspiration4 ,apocynum 7,dogbane7--,inspiration4 ,apple--,temptation4 ,apple ,blossom--,preference4 ,arbor vitae--,unchanging friendship4 ,arbutus1 ,trailing--,welcome4 ,arum--,ardor4 ,ash--,grandeur4 ,ash1 ,mountain--,prudence4 ,aspen ,tree--,lamentation4 ,asphodel--,regrets beyond the grave4 ,aurilica--,avarice4 ,azalea--,romance4 ,bachelor's ,button--,hope in love4 ,balm--,sympathy4 ,balm of ,gilead--,healing4 ,balsam--,impatience4 ,barberry--,sharpness1 satire4 ,basil--,hatred4 ,bay ,leaf--,no change till death4 ,beech--,prosperity4 ,bee ,ophrys--,error4 ,bee ,orchis--,industry4 ,bell ,flower--,gratitude4 ,belvidere1 ,wild 7,licorice7--,i declare against you4 ,bilberry--,treachery4 ,birch ,tree--,meekness4 ,black ,bryony--,be my support4 ,bladder-,nut ,tree--,frivolous amusements4 ,blue ,bottle--,delicacy4 ,borage--,bluntness4 ,box--,constancy4 ,briers--,envy4 ,broken ,straw--,constancy4 ,broom--,neatness4 ,buckbean--,calm repose4 ,bugloss--,falsehood4 ,burdock--,importunity4 ,buttercup--,riches4 ,cactus--,thou leavest me4 ,calla ,lilly--,feminine beauty4 ,calycanthus--,benevolence4 ,camelia--,pity4 ,camomile--,energy in action4 ,candytuft--,indifference4 ,canterbury ,bell--,gratitude4 ,cape ,jasmine ,gardenia--,transport1 ecstasy4 ,cardinal ,flower--,distinction4 ,carnation1 ,yellow--,disdain4 ,catchfly 7,silene71 ,red--,youthful love4 ,catchfly1 ,white--,i fall a victim4 ,cedar--,i live for thee4 ,cedar of ,lebanon--,incorruptible4 ,celandine--,future joy4 ,cherry ,tree--,good education4 ,chickweed--,i cling to thee4 ,chickory--,frugality4 ,china ,aster--,i will think of thee4 ,china1 ,pink--,aversion4 ,chrysanthemum1 ,rose--,in love4 ,chrysanthemum1 ,white--,truth4 ,chrysanthemum1 ,yellow--,slighted love4 ,cinquefoil--,beloved child4 ,clematis--,artifice4 ,clover1 ,red--,industry4 ,coboea--,gossip4 ,coxcomb--,foppery4 ,colchium--,my best days fled4 ,coltsfoot--,justice shall be done you4 ,columbine--,folly4 ,columbine1 ,purple--,resolved to win4 ,columbine1 ,red--,anxious4 ,convolvulus ,major--,dead hope4 ,convolvulus ,minor--,uncertainty4 ,corchorus--,impatience of happiness4 ,coreopsis--,love at first sight4 ,coriander--,hidden merit4 ,corn--,riches4 ,cornelian ,cherry ,tree--,durability4 ,coronilla--,success to you4 ,cowslip--,pensiveness4 ,cowslip1 ,american--,my divinity4 ,crocus--,cheerfulness4 ,crown ,imperial--,majesty4 ,currants--,you please me4 ,cypress--,mourning4 ,cypress and ,marigold--,despair4 ,daffodil--,chivalry4 ,dahlia--,forever thine4 ,daisy1 ,garden--,i share your feelings4 ,daisy1 ,michaelmas--,farewell4 ,daisy1 ,red--,beauty unknown to possessor4 ,daisy1 ,white--,innocence4 ,daisy1 ,wild--,i will think of it4 ,dandelion--,coquetry4 ,daphne ,mezereon--,i desire to please4 ,daphne ,odora--,i would not have you otherwise4 ,deadleaves--,sadness4 ,diosma--,usefulness4 ,dittany--,birth4 ,dock--,patience4 ,dodder--,meanness4 ,dogwood ,flowering 7,cornus7--,am ,i indifferent to you8 ,ebony--,hypocrisy4 ,eglantine--,i wound to heal4 ,elder--,compassion4 ,elm--,dignity4 ,endine--,frugality4 ,epigaea1 ,repens 7,mayflower7--,budding beauty4 ,eupatorium--,delay4 ,evening ,primrose--,inconstancy4 ,evergreen--,poverty4 ,everlasting 7,graphalium7--,never ceasing memory4 ,filbert--,reconciliation4 ,fir ,tree--,elevation4 ,flax--,i feel your kindness4 ,flora's ,bell--,without pretension4 ,flowering ,reed--,confide in heaven4 ,forget-me-not--,true love4 ,foxglove--,insincerity4 ,fraxinella--,fire4 ,fritilaria 7,guinea-hen ,flower7--,persecution4 ,furze--,anger4 ,fuchsia--,the ambition of my love thus plagues itself4 ,fuchsia1 ,scarlet--,taste4 ,gardenia--,transport2 ,ecstasy4 ,gentian1 ,fringed--,intrinsic worth4 ,geranium1 ,apple--,present preference4 ,geranium1 ,ivy--,your hand for next dance4 ,geranium1 ,nutmeg--,i expect a meeting4 ,geranium1 ,oak--,lady1 deign to smile4 ,geranium1 ,rose--,preference4 ,geranium1 ,silver-leaf--,recall4 ,gillyflower--,lasting beauty4 ,gladiolus--,ready armed4 ,golden ,rod--,encouragement4 ,gooseberry--,anticipation4 ,goosefoot--,goodness4 ,gorse--,endearing affection4 ,grape--,charity4 ,grass--,utility4 ,guelder ,rose 7,snowball7--,winter4 ,harebell--,grief4 ,hawthorn--,hope4 ,heart's ,ease--,think of me4 ,heart's ,ease1 ,purple--,you occupy my thoughts4 ,hazel--,reconciliation4 ,heath--,solitude4 ,helenium--,tears4 ,heliotrope1 ,peruvian--,i love2 devotion4 ,hellebore--,scandal4 ,henbane--,blemish4 ,hepatica--,confidence4 ,hibiscus--,delicate ,beauty4 ,holly--,foresight4 ,hollyhock--,fruitfulness4 ,hollyhock1 ,white--,female ambition4 ,honesty 7,lunaria7--,sincerity4 ,honeysuckle--,the bond of love4 ,honeysuckle1 ,coral--,the color of my fate4 ,honeysuckle1 ,monthly--,i will not answer hastily4 ,hop--,injustice4 ,hornbeam--,ornament4 ,horse-,chestnut--,luxury4 ,house-,leek--,domestic ,economy4 ,houstonia--,content4 ,hoya 7,wax ,plant7--,sculpture4 ,hyacinth--,jealousy4 ,hyacinth1 ,blue--,constancy4 ,hyacinth1 ,purple--,sorrow4 ,hydrangea--,heartlessness4 ,ice ,plant--,your looks freeze me4 ,indian ,cress--,resignation4 ,ipomaca--,i attach myself to you4 ,iris--,message4 ,iris1 ,german--,flame4 ,ivy--,friendship2 matrimony4 ,jessamine1 ,cape--,transient joy4 ,jessamine1 ,white--,amiability4 ,jessamine1 ,yellow--,grace2 elegance4 ,jonquil--,return my affection4 ,judas-,tree--,betrayed4 ,juniper--,perfect ,loveliness4 ,kalmia 7,mountain ,laurel7--,treachery4 ,kennedia--,intellectual beauty4 ,laburnum--,pensive ,beauty4 ,lady's ,slipper--,capricious beauty4 ,lagerstroema 7,cape ,myrtle7--,eloquence4 ,lantana--,rigor4 ,larch--,boldness4 ,larkspur--,fickleness4 ,laurel--,glory4 ,laurestinus--,i die if neglected4 ,lavender--,distrust4 ,lemon ,blossom--,discretion4 ,lettuce--,cold-hearted4 ,lilac--,first emotion of love4 ,lilac1 ,white--,youth4 ,lily--,purity2 modesty4 ,lily of the ,valley--,return of happiness4 ,lily1 ,day--,coquetry4 ,lily1 ,water--,eloquence4 ,lily1 ,yellow--,falsehood4 ,linden ,tree--,conjugal love4 ,live ,oak--,liberty4 ,liverwort--,confidence4 ,locust--,affection beyond the grave4 ,london ,pride--,frivolity4 ,lotus--,forgetful of the past4 ,love in a ,mist--,you puzzle me4 ,love ,lies ,bleeding--,hopeless1 not heartless4 ,lucerne--,life4 ,lungwort 7,pulmonaria7--,thou art my life4 ,lupine--,imagination4 ,lychnis--,religious ,enthusiasm4 ,lythrum--,pretension4 ,madder--,calumny4 ,maiden's ,hair--,discretion4 ,magnolia1 ,chinese--,love of ,nature4 ,magnolia1 ,grandiflora--,peerless and ,proud4 ,magnolia1 ,swamp--,perseverance4 ,mallow--,sweetness4 ,mandrake--,horror4 ,maple--,reserve4 ,marigold--,cruelty4 ,marigold1 ,african--,vulgar-minded4 ,marigold1 ,french--,jealousy4 ,marjoram--,blushes4 ,marshmallow--,beneficence4 ,marvel of ,peru 7,four o'clock7--,timidity4 ,meadow ,saffron--,my best days gone4 ,meadow ,sweet--,usefulness4 ,mignonette--,your qualities surpass your charms4 ,mimosa--,sensitiveness4 ,mint--,virtue4 ,mistletoe--,i surmount all difficulties4 ,mock ,orange 7,syringia7--,counterfeit4 ,monkshood--,a deadly foe is near4 ,moonwort--,forgetfulness4 ,morning ,glory--,coquetry4 ,moss--,maternal love4 ,motherwort--,secret ,love4 ,mourning ,bride 7,scabious7--,unfortunate attachment4 ,mouse-ear ,chickweed--,simplicity4 ,mulberry1 ,black--,i will not survive you4 ,mulberry1 ,white--,wisdom4 ,mullein--,good nature4 ,mushroom--,suspicion4 ,mush ,plant--,weakness4 ,mustard ,seed--,indifference4 ,myosotis--,forget me not4 ,myrtle--,love4 ,narcissus--,egotism4 ,nasturtium--,patriotism4 ,nettle--,cruelty2 ,slander4 ,night ,blooming ,cereus--,transient beauty4 ,nightshade--,bitter truth4 ,oak--,hospitality4 ,oats--,music4 ,oleander--,beware4 ,orange--,generosity4 ,orange ,flower--,chastity4 ,orchis--,beauty4 ,osier--,frankness4 ,osmunda--,dreams4 ,pansy--,think of me4 ,parsley--,entertainment4 ,pasque ,flower--,unpretentious4 ,passion ,flower--,religious ,fervor4 ,pea--,appointed meeting4 ,pea1 ,everlasting--,wilt go with me8 ,pea1 ,sweet--,departure4 ,peach ,blossom--,my heart is thine4 ,pear ,tree--,affection4 ,peony--,anger4 ,pennyroyal--,flee away4 ,periwinkle--,sweet memories4 ,persimmon--,bury me amid nature's beauties4 ,petunica--,am not proud4 ,pheasant's ,eye--,sorrowful memories4 ,phlox--,our souls united4 ,pimpernel--,change4 ,pine--,time4 ,pine ,apple--,you are perfect4 ,pine1 ,spruce--,farewell4 ,pink--,pure affection4 ,pink1 ,clove--,dignity4 ,pink1 ,double-red--,pure1 ardent love4 ,pink1 ,indian--,aversion4 ,pink1 ,mountain--,you are aspiring4 ,pink1 ,variegated--,refusal4 ,pink1 ,white--,you are fair4 ,pink1 ,yellow--,disdain4 ,plane ,tree--,genius4 ,pleurisy ,root 7,asclopias7--,heartache cure4 ,plum ,tree--,keep promise4 ,plum ,tree1 ,wild--,independence4 ,polyanthus--,confidence4 ,poplar1 ,black--,courage4 ,poplar1 ,white--,time4 ,poppy--,consolation4 ,poppy1 ,white--,sleep of the heart4 ,pomegranate--,foolishness4 ,pomegranate ,flower--,elegance4 ,potato--,beneficence4 ,pride of ,china 7,melia7--,dissension4 ,primrose--,early youth4 ,primrose1 ,evening--,inconstancy4 ,privet--,mildness4 ,pumpkin--,coarseness4 ,quince--,temptation4 ,ragged-robin 7,lychnis7--,wit4 ,ranunculus--,radiant with charms4 ,reeds--,music4 ,rhododendron--,agitation4 ,rose--,beauty4 ,rose1 ,austrian--,thou art all that is lovely4 ,rose1 ,bridal--,happy love4 ,rose1 ,burgundy--,unconscious beauty4 ,rose1 ,cabbage--,love's ,ambassador4 ,rose1 ,campion--,only deserve my love4 ,rose1 ,carolina--,love is dangerous4 ,rose1 ,china--,grace4 ,rose1 ,daily--,that smile ,i would aspire to4 ,rose1 ,damask--,freshness4 ,rose1 ,dog--,pleasure and pain4 ,rose1 ,hundred ,leaf--,pride4 ,rose1 ,inermis--,ingratitude4 ,rose1 ,maiden's ,blush--,if you do love me you will find me out4 ,rose1 ,moss--,superior merit4 ,rosebud1 ,moss--,confessed love4 ,rose1 ,multiflora--,grace4 ,rose1 ,musk-cluster--,charming4 ,rose1 ,sweetbriar--,sympathy4 ,rose1 ,tea--,always lovely4 ,rose1 ,unique--,call me not beautiful4 ,rose1 ,white--,i am worthy of you4 ,rose1 ,white 7withered7--,transient impression4 ,rose1 ,wild--,simplicity4 ,rose1 ,yellow--,decrease of love4 ,rose1 ,york and ,lancaster--,war4 ,roses1 ,garland of--,reward of ,virtue4 ,rosebud--,young girl4 ,rosebud1 ,white--,the heart that knows not love4 ,rosemary--,your presence revives me4 ,rue--,disdain4 ,rush--,docility4 ,saffron--,excess is dangerous4 ,sage--,esteem4 ,sardonia--,irony4 ,satin-flower 7,lunaria7--,sincerity4 ,scabious1 ,mourning ,bride--,widowhood4 ,sensitive ,plant--,timidity4 ,service ,tree--,prudence4 ,snapdragon--,presumption4 ,snowball--,thoughts of heaven4 ,snowdrop--,consolation4 ,sorrel--,wit ill-timed4 ,southernwood--,jesting4 ,spearmint--,warm feelings4 ,speedwell1 ,veronica--,female fidelity4 ,spindle-tree--,your image is engraven on my heart4 ,star of ,bethlehem--,reconciliation4 ,starwort1 ,american--,welcome to a stranger4 ,st4 ,john's ,wort 7,hypericum7--,superstition4 ,stock1 ,ten-week--,promptitude4 ,stramonium1 ,common--,disguise4 ,strawberry--,perfect excellence4 ,strawberry ,tree 7,arbutus7--,esteemed love4 ,sumac--,splendor4 ,sunflower1 ,dwarf--,your devout admirer4 ,sunflower1 ,fall--,pride4 ,sweet ,sultan--,felicity4 ,sweet ,william--,artifice4 ,sycamore--,curiosity4 ,syringia--,memory4 ,tansy--,i declare against you4 ,teasel--,misanthropy4 ,thistle--,austerity4 ,thorn ,apple--,deceitful charms4 ,thorn1 ,black--,difficulty4 ,thorns--,severity4 ,thrift--,sympathy4 ,throatwood 7,pulmonaria7--,neglected beauty4 ,thyme--,activity4 ,tiger ,flower--,may pride befriend thee4 ,touch me not1 ,balsam--,impatience4 ,truffle--,surprise4 ,trumpet ,flower--,separation4 ,tuberose--,dangerous pleasures4 ,tulip--,declaration of love4 ,tulip ,tree--,rural happiness4 ,tulip1 ,variegated--,beautiful eyes4 ,tulip1 ,yellow--,hopeless love4 ,turnip--,charity4 ,valerian--,accommodating disposition4 ,venus's ,flytrap--,caught at last4 ,venus's ,looking-glass--,flattery4 ,verbena--,sensibility4 ,vine--,intoxicating4 ,violet1 ,blue--,love4 ,violet1 ,white--,modesty4 ,violet1 ,yellow--,modest worth4 ,virgin's ,bower--,filial love4 ,wall ,flower--,fidelity4 ,walnut--,stratagem4 ,weeping ,willow--,forsaken4 ,wheat--,prosperity4 ,woodbine--,fraternal love4 ,wood ,sorrel--,joy4 ,wormwood--,absence4 ,yarrow--,cure for heartache4 ,yew--,sorrow4 ,zennae--,absent friends4 ,illustration ,,chapter ,,xxxvi4 ,precious ,stones4 ,some of the precious stones and gems have been given a distinct significance by imparting a special meaning or name to them4 ,the ancients besides considered certain months sacred to the different stones1 and some people have considered this in making birthday or wedding presents4 ,below will be found the stones regarded as sacred to the various months1 with the meaning given to each4 ,january--,garnet--,constancy and ,fidelity4 ,february--,amethyst--,sincerity4 ,march--,bloodstone--,courage4 ,april--,sapphire--,repentance4 ,may--,emerald--,success in love4 ,june--,agate--,health and long life4 ,july--,ruby--,forgetfulness of1 and exemption from vexations caused by friendship and love4 ,august--,sardonyx--,conjugal ,fidelity4 ,september--,chrysolite--,freedom from evil passions and sadness of mind4 ,october--,opal--,hope and ,faith4 ,november--,topaz--,fidelity and ,friendship4 ,december--,turquoise--,prosperity4 ,of the precious stones not included in the above list1 the language is given below3 ,diamond--,innocence4 ,pearl--,purity4 ,cornelian--,contented mind4 ,moonstone--,protects from danger4 ,heliotrope--,causing the owner to walk invisible4 ,illustration 99 99 99 99 99 ,transcriber's ,notes3 ,punctuation normalized except where hyphenation could not be determined4 ,page #aj1 ,,lteter changed to ,,letter4 ,page #ch1 circumstrances changed to circumstances4 7but circumstances may7 ,page #eb1 ,m4 changed to ,p4,m4 7#ab ,p4,m47 ,page #hh1 abominally changed to abominably4 7abominably stupid7 ,page #acb1 alloted changed to allotted4 7conventional time allotted7 ,page #adb1 remaned changed to remained4 7obliged to remain7 ,page #afg1 defferential changed to deferential4 7show a deferential7 ,page #bea1 acquantance changed to acquaintance4 7upon an acquaintance7 ,page #bfa1 trivialties changed to trivialities4 7trivialities than the family7 ,page #bfg1 wish changed to wishes4 7wishes1 but should7 ,page #bhf1 anniversay changed to anniversary4 7,the first anniversary7 ,page #bhg1 anniversay chanted to anniversary4 7the fifth anniversary7 ,page #bic1 somtimes changed to sometimes4 7two1 and sometimes7 ,page #cae1 charater changed to character4 7man's real character7 ,page #cbe1 comonly changed to commonly4 7dress is what is commonly7 ,page #cce1 boquet changed to bouquet4 7wreath and bouquet47 ,page #cfh1 paring changed to paring4 7paring the toe-nails7 ,page #cgd1 halt changed to half4 7half an ounce7 ,page #cgf1 ounce changed to ounces4 7mix two ounces7 ,page #cgi1 on changed to an4 7moss one-fourth of an ounce7 ,page #dab1 alloted changed to allotted4 7the allotted number7 ,page #dac1 ,frugalit 4 changed to ,frugality4 7,chickory--,frugality47 ,page #dag1 ,valey changed to ,valley4 7,lily of the ,valley7