,,st4 ,,th,r,,se ,,of ,,lisieux  ,,the  
,,story ,,of ,a ,,soul 7,l',,histoire   
,d',,une ,,me73 ,,the ,,autobiography   
,,of ,,st4 ,,th,r,,se ,,of ,,lisieux    
,,with ,,additional ,,writings ,,and    
,,sayings ,,of ,,st4 ,,th,r,,se         
,,note ,,to ,,this ,,electronic         
,,edition  ,this electronic edition of  
the autobiography of ,st4 ,thrse of     
,lisieux 7,the ,story of a ,soul7       
includes much1 but not all1 of the      
content of ,soeur ,thrse of ,lisieux    
7,london3 ,burns1 ,oates  ,washbourne1  
#aiab2 #hth ed41 #aibb71 edited by ,rev4
 ,t4,n4 ,taylor4 ,all the translated    
writings and sayings of ,st4 ,thrse     
contained in that book are in this      
electronic edition1 including the       
autobiography as well as ,counsels and  
,reminiscences1 letters1 and selected   
poems4 ,also included are the preface by
 ,cardinal ,bourne1 the prologue        
relating ,thrse's parentage and birth1  
and the epilogue describing her final   
illness1 her death1 and related events4 

,not included are the illustrations1 the
 list of illustrations1 accounts of     
favors attributed to the intercession of
 ,st4 ,thrse1 documents related to her  
beatification1 and some other material  
not written by her4  ,footnotes have    
been re-numbered sequentially in each   
chapter4 ,they are presented at the end 
of each chapter1 and some have been     
slightly modified for ease of reference4
 ,a few footnotes1 referring to page    
numbers in the original1 have been      
modified or omitted4 ,citations to the  
,psalms1 many of which were numbered    
differently in ,catholic ,bibles of ,st4
 ,thrse's time than they commonly are   
today1 have the new number in brackets  
next to the old number from the         
original--e4g41 ,psalm #bbbc3a-d4       
,footnote numbers are shown in brackets1
 e4g41 #a4  ,the original page headers1 
page numbering1 disclaimer of any       
intention to anticipate the judgment of 
the ,church in calling ,st4 ,thrse a    
saint before her canonization1 and other

 extraneous matter1 which were deemed   
suitable for a printed book in #aibb but
 not for an e-book in #bjje1 are not    
here4 ,the ,french oe ligature1 in words
 such as soeur1 is not available in the 
standard ,,iso-#hhei-a character set1   
and obviously is represented here by the
 two-letter combination oe4 ,italics are
 represented by underscores at the      
beginning and end1 like this4 ,the first
 word of each chapter is not set in all 
caps as it was in the printed book4 ,a  
few obvious typographical errors have   
been corrected1 with the changes in     
brackets1 e4g41 she for the in ,chapter 
,,ix4 ,all else1 including              
capitalization1 punctuation1 grammar1   
and ,british spelling1 is intended to   
reflect the content of the eighth       
edition of ,soeur ,thrse of ,lisieux4   
,if it does not1 the fault is that of   
the transcriber 7me1 ,david             
,mc,clamrock74    ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se    
,,of ,,lisieux1 ,,the ,,little ,,flower 
,,of ,,jesus  ,a ,,new ,,and ,,complete 

,,translation ,,of ,l',,histoire        
,d',,une ,,me1 ,,with ,,an ,,account    
,,of ,,some ,,favours ,,attributed ,,to 
,,the ,,intercession ,,of ,,soeur       
,,th,r,,se  ,,edited ,,by ,t4 ,n4       
,,taylor3 ,,priest ,,of ,,the           
,,archdiocese ,,of ,,glasgow3 ,,witness 
,,before ,,the ,,tribunal ,,of ,,the    
,,beatification  ,,burns1 ,,oates       
,,washbourne ,,ld4  ,,twenty-,,eight    
,,orchard ,,street1 ,,london1 ,w41 ,,and
 ,,eight ,,to ,,ten ,,paternoster ,,row1
 ,,london1 ,e4,c4    ,,nihil ,,obstat   
,,joannes ,n4 ,,strassmaier1 ,s4,j4     
,censor ,deputatus  ,,imprimatur        
,,edmundus ,canonicus ,,surmont         
,vicarius ,generalis  ,,westmonasterii1 
die non ,decembris1 #aiab4    ,,contents
    ,,dedication  ,,preface ,,by ,h4,e4 
,,cardinal ,,bourne  ,,prologue3        
,,parentage ,,and ,,birth               
,,autobiography  ,chapter   ,i4         
,earliest ,memories         ,,ii4 ,a    
,catholic ,household        ,,iii4      
,pauline ,enters the ,carmel            

,,iv4 ,first ,communion and             
,confirmation          ,v4 ,vocation of 
,thrse         ,,vi4 ,a ,pilgrimage to  
,rome        ,,vii4 ,the ,little ,flower
 ,enters the ,carmel        ,,viii4     
,profession of ,soeur ,thrse            
,,ix4 ,the ,night of the ,soul          
,x4 ,the ,new ,commandment         ,,xi4
 ,a ,canticle of ,love  ,,epilogue3 ,a  
,,victim ,,of ,,divine ,,love           
,,counsels ,,and ,,reminiscences        
,,letters ,,of ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se    ,to
 ,cline    ,to ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus 
,to ,sister ,mary of the ,sacred ,heart 
,to ,sister ,frances ,teresa    ,to     
,marie ,gurin    ,to ,jeanne ,gurin     
,to ,missionaries  ,,prayers ,,of       
,,soeur ,,th,r,,se    ,her ,act of      
,oblation    ,a ,morning ,prayer    ,act
 of ,consecration to the ,holy ,face    
,prayer in ,honour of the ,holy ,child  
,prayer to the ,holy ,child    ,prayer  
to the ,holy ,face    ,prayer in ,honour
 of ,st4 ,joan of ,arc    ,prayer to    
,obtain ,humility  ,,days ,,of ,,grace  

,,selected ,,poems    ,my ,song of      
,to-day    ,memories    ,i ,thirst for  
,love    ,to ,scatter ,flowers    ,why  
,i ,love ,thee1 ,mary  ,,shower ,,of    
,,roses omitted  ,,process ,,of         
,,beatification omitted  ,,letters ,,of 
,,pius ,x ,,and ,,others omitted        
,,indulgenced ,,prayers omitted         
,,supplement omitted    ,,this ,,book   
,,is ,,dedicated ,,to ,,the ,,servant   
,,of ,,god1 ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se1 ,,in    
,,thanksgiving ,,for ,,graces           
,,obtained1 ,,and ,,to ,,her ,,petite   
,m,,re1 ,,mother ,,agnes ,,of ,,jesus1  
,,in ,,grateful ,,memory ,,of           
,,innumerable ,,kindnesses ,,extending  
,,over ,,many ,,years    ,,preface  ,as 
we become acquainted with the histories 
of those in whom1 in long succession1   
,god has been pleased to show forth     
examples of holiness of life1 it seems  
as if every phase of human existence had
 in the history of the ,church received 
its consecration as a power to bring men
 nearer to their ,maker4 ,but there is  

no limit to the types of sanctity which 
the ,creator is pleased to unfold before
 ,his ,creatures4 ,to many1 on reading  
for the first time the story of ,sister 
,teresa of the ,child ,jesus and of the 
,holy ,face1 it came almost as a shock  
to find a very youthful member of an    
austere ,order1 strictly retired from   
the world1 engaged in hidden prayer and 
mortification1 appearing before us to   
reveal to the whole world the wonders of
 the close intimacy of friendship to    
which her ,divine ,spouse had been      
pleased to call her4 ,certainly the way 
by which ,soeur ,thrse was led is not   
the normal life of ,carmel1 nor hers the
 manner whereby most ,carmelites are    
called to accomplish the wondrous       
apostolate of intercession to which     
their lives are given4 ,but no less     
certain is it that1 in her particular   
case1 her work for ,god and her         
apostolate were not to be confined      
between the walls of her religious home1
 or to be limited by her few years on   

earth4  ,in the first place1 we know    
that it was by obedience that the record
 of ,god's dealings with her soul were  
set down in writing4 ,and again1 the    
long tale of graces granted in such     
strange profusion through her           
intercession is proof sufficient that it
 was not without ,divine permission and 
guidance that the history of her special
 and peculiar vocation has become the   
property of all ,catholics in every     
land4 ,it is for ,god to keep1 and for  
,him to make known the secrets of ,his  
,love for men4 ,and in the case of      
,soeur ,thrse it has been ,his ,will to 
divulge ,his secrets in most generous   
consideration for our needs4  ,what are 
the hidden treasures which ,our ,divine 
,master thus reveals to us through ,his 
chosen little servant8  ,it is the old  
story of simplicity in ,god's service1  
of the perfect accomplishment of small  
recurring duties1 of trustful confidence
 in ,him who made and has redeemed and  
sanctified us4 ,humility1               

self-effacement1 obedience1 hiddenness1 
unfaltering charity1 with all the       
self-control and constant effort that   
they imply1 are written on every page of
 the history of this little ,saint4     
,and1 as we turn its pages1 the lesson  
is borne in upon our souls that there is
 no surer nor safer way of pleasing ,our
 ,father ,who is in ,heaven than by     
remaining ever as little children in    
,his sight4 ,doubtless for many of her  
clients whose hearts are kindled as they
 read this book1 ,soeur ,thrse will     
obtain1 as she has done so often in the 
past1 wonderful gifts for health of soul
 and body4 ,but may she win for all of  
us without exception a deep and fruitful
 conviction of the unchanging truth1    
that unless we become as little children
 in the doing of our ,heavenly ,father's
 ,will1 we cannot enter into our        
,eternal ,home4  ,,francis ,,cardinal   
,,bourne1 ,archbishop of ,westminster4  
,feast of the ,presentation of ,our     
,blessed ,lady1 #aiab4    ,,prologue3   

,,the ,,parentage  ,,birth ,,of ,,marie 
,,fran,,oise ,,th,r,,se ,,martin  ,in   
the month of ,september1 #ahdc1 a young 
man of twenty climbed the mountain of   
the ,great ,st4 ,bernard4 ,his eyes     
shone with a holy enthusiasm as the     
splendour of the ,alps stirred to the   
depths his responsive nature4           
,presently1 accustomed as they were to  
discern ,god's beauty in the beauty of  
,his handiwork1 they glistened with     
tears4 ,he paused for a space1 then1    
continuing his journey1 soon reached the
 celebrated monastery that like a beacon
 on those heights darts afar its beams  
of faith and magnificent charity4  ,the 
,prior1 struck by the frank and open    
countenance of his guest1 welcomed him  
with more than wonted hospitality4      
,louis ,joseph ,stanislaus ,martin was  
the pilgrim's name4 ,he was born on     
,august #bb1 #ahbc1 at ,bordeaux1 while 
his father1 a brave and devout soldier1 
was captain in the garrison there4 ,god 
has predestined this little one for     

,himself1 said the saintly ,bishop of   
,bordeaux on the occasion of his        
baptism1 and events have proved the     
truth of his words4 ,from this town1 by 
the banks of the ,garonne1 his parents  
went to ,alenon in lower ,normandy1 and 
there in their new home1 as in their old
 one1 ,louis was the cherished          
,benjamin4  ,it was not the loveliness  
of ,swiss lakes and mountains and skies 
that had drawn the traveller from       
distant ,alenon4 ,he came to the        
monastery--and his journey was chiefly  
on foot--to consecrate his days to ,god4
 ,on learning his purpose the ,prior    
questioned him upon his knowledge of    
,latin1 only to discover that the young 
aspirant had not completed his course of
 studies in that language4 ,i am indeed 
sorry1 my child1 said the venerable     
monk1 since this is an essential        
condition1 but you must not be          
disheartened4 ,go back to your own      
country1 apply yourself diligently1 and 
when you have ended your studies we     

shall receive you with open arms4       
,louis was disappointed4 ,he set out for
 home--for exile he would have said--but
 ere long he saw clearly that his life  
was to be dedicated to ,god in another  
and equally fruitful way1 and that the  
,alpine monastery was to be nothing more
 to him than a sweet memory4  99   99   
99   99   99   99  ,a few years after   
the vain quest of ,louis ,martin1 a     
similar scene was enacted in ,alenon    
itself4 ,accompanied by her mother1     
,zlie ,gurin--an attractive and pious   
girl--presented herself at the ,convent 
of the ,sisters of ,charity in the hope 
of gaining admission4 ,for years it had 
been her desire to share the ,sisters'  
work1 but this was not to be4 ,in the   
interview that followed1 the            
,superioress--guided by the ,holy       
,ghost--decided unhesitatingly that     
,zlie's vocation was not for the        
religious life4 ,god wanted her in the  
world1 and so she returned to her       
parents1 and to the companionship of her

 elder sister and her younger brother4  
,shortly afterwards the gates of the    
,visitation ,convent at ,le ,mans closed
 upon her beloved sister1 and ,zlie's   
thoughts turned to the ,sacrament of    
,holy ,matrimony4 ,o my ,god--she       
repeated constantly-- since ,i am       
unworthy to be ,thy ,spouse1 like my    
dear sister1 ,i shall enter the married 
state to fulfill ,thy ,holy ,will1 and  
,i beseech ,thee to make me the mother  
of many children1 and to grant that all 
of them may be dedicated to ,thee4  ,god
 gave ear to her prayer1 and ,his       
,finger was visible in the circumstances
 which led to her becoming the wife of  
,louis ,martin1 on ,july #ab1 #aheh1 in 
,alenon's lovely ,church of ,notre      
,dame4 ,like the chaste ,tobias1 they   
were joined together in                 
matrimony--solely for the love of       
children1 in whom ,god's ,name might be 
blessed for ever and ever4 ,nine white  
flowers bloomed in this sacred garden4  
,of the nine1 four were transplanted to 

,paradise ere their buds had quite      
unfolded1 while five were gathered in   
,god's walled gardens upon earth1 one   
entering the ,visitation ,convent at    
,caen1 the others the ,carmel of        
,lisieux4 ,from the cradle all were     
dedicated to ,mary ,immaculate1 and all 
received her name3 ,marie ,louise1      
,marie ,pauline1 ,marie ,lonie1 ,marie  
,hlne1 who died at the age of four and a
 half1 ,marie ,joseph ,louis1 ,marie    
,joseph ,jean ,baptiste1 ,marie ,cline1 
,marie ,mlanie ,therse1 who died when   
three months old1 and lastly1 ,marie    
,franoise ,thrse4  ,the two boys were   
the fruit of prayers and tears4 ,after  
the birth of the four elder girls1 their
 parents entreated ,st4 ,joseph to      
obtain for them the favour of a son who 
should become a priest and a missionary4
 ,marie ,joseph soon was given them1 and
 his pretty ways appealed to all hearts1
 but only five months had run their     
course when ,heaven demanded what it had
 lent4 ,then followed more urgent       

novenas4  ,the grandeur of the          
,priesthood1 glorious upon earth1       
ineffable in eternity1 was so well      
understood by those ,christian parents1 
that their hearts coveted it most       
dearly4 ,at all costs the family must   
have a ,priest of the ,lord1 one who    
would be an apostle1 peradventure a     
martyr4 ,but1 the thoughts of the ,lord 
are not our thoughts1 ,his ways are not 
our ways4 ,another little ,joseph was   
born1 and with him hope once again grew 
strong4 ,alas6 ,nine months had scarcely
 passed when he1 too1 fled from this    
world and joined his angel brother4     
,they did not ask again4 ,yet1 could the
 veil of the future have been lifted1   
their heavy hearts would1 of a surety1  
have been comforted4 ,a child was to be 
vouchsafed them who would be a herald of
 ,divine love1 not to ,china alone1 but 
to all the ends of the earth4  ,nay1    
they themselves were destined to shine  
as apostles1 and we read on one of the  
first pages of the ,portuguese edition  

of the ,autobiography1 these significant
 words of an eminent ,jesuit3  ,to the  
,sacred ,memory of ,louis ,joseph       
,stanislaus ,martin and of ,zlie ,gurin1
 the blessed parents of ,sister ,teresa 
of the ,child ,jesus1 for an example to 
all ,christian parents4  ,they little   
dreamed of this future apostolate1      
nevertheless they made ready their souls
 day by day to be ,god's own instruments
 in ,god's good time4 ,with most loving 
resignation they greeted the many       
crosses which the ,lord laid upon       
them--the ,lord whose tender name of    
,father is truest in the dark hour of   
trial4  ,every morning saw them at      
,mass2 together they knelt at the ,holy 
,table4 ,they strictly observed the     
fasts and abstinences of the ,church1   
kept ,sunday as a day of complete rest  
from work in spite of the remonstrance  
of friends1 and found in pious reading  
their most delightful recreation4 ,they 
prayed in common--after the touching    
example of ,captain ,martin1 whose      

devout way of repeating the ,our ,father
 brought tears to all eyes4 ,thus the   
great ,christian virtues flourished in  
their home4 ,wealth did not bring luxury
 in its train1 and a strict simplicity  
was invariably observed4  ,how mistaken 
are the great majority of men6 ,madame  
,martin used often to say4 ,if they are 
rich1 they at once desire honours2 and  
if these are obtained1 they are still   
unhappy2 for never can that heart be    
satisfied which seeks anything but ,god4
  ,her whole ambition as a mother was   
directed to ,heaven4 ,four of my        
children are already well settled in    
life1 she once wrote2 and the others    
will go likewise to that ,heavenly      
,kingdom--enriched with greater merit   
because the combat will have been more  
prolonged4  ,charity in all its forms   
was a natural outlet to the piety of    
these simple hearts4 ,husband and wife  
set aside each year a considerable      
portion of their earnings for the       
,propagation of the ,faith2 they        

relieved poor persons in distress1 and  
ministered to them with their own hands4
 ,on one occasion ,monsieur ,martin1    
like a good ,samaritan1 was seen to     
raise a drunken man from the ground in a
 busy thoroughfare1 take his bag of     
tools1 support him on his arm1 and lead 
him home4 ,another time when he saw1 in 
a railway station1 a poor and starving  
epileptic without the means to return to
 his distant home1 he was so touched    
with pity that he took off his hat and1 
placing in it an alms1 proceeded to beg 
from the passengers on behalf of the    
sufferer4 ,money poured in1 and it was  
with a heart brimming over with         
gratitude that the sick man blessed his 
benefactor4  ,never did he allow the    
meannesses of human respect to degrade  
his ,christian dignity4 ,in whatever    
company he might be1 he always saluted  
the ,blessed ,sacrament when passing a  
,church2 and he never met a priest      
without paying him a mark of respect4 ,a
 word from his lips sufficed to silence 

whosoever dared blaspheme in his        
presence4  ,in reward for his virtues1  
,god showered even temporal blessings on
 ,his faithful servant4 ,in #ahga he was
 able to give up his business as a      
jeweller1 and retire to a house in the  
,rue ,st4 ,blaise4 ,the making of       
point-lace1 however1 begun by ,madame   
,martin1 was still carried on4  ,in that
 house the ,little ,flower of ,jesus    
first saw the sunshine4 ,again and      
again1 in the pages of her              
,autobiography1 she calls herself by    
this modest name of the ,little ,flower1
 emblematic of her humility1 her purity1
 her simplicity1 and it may be added1 of
 the poetry of her soul4 ,the reader    
will learn in the ,epilogue how it was  
also used by one of her favourite       
martyr-saints--the now ,blessed         
,thophane ,vnard4 ,on the manuscript of 
her ,autobiography she set the title3   
,the ,story of the ,springtime of a     
little white ,flower1 and in truth such 
it was1 for long ere the rigours of     

life's winter came round1 the ,flower   
was blossoming in ,paradise4  ,it was1  
however1 in mid-winter1 ,january #b1    
#ahgc1 that this ninth child of ,louis  
,martin and ,zlie ,gurin was born4      
,marie and ,pauline were at home for the
 ,christmas holidays from the           
,visitation ,convent at ,le ,mans1 and  
though there was1 it is true1 a slight  
disappointment that the future priest   
was still denied them1 it quickly       
passed1 and the little one was regarded 
as a special gift from ,heaven4  ,later 
on1 her beloved ,father delighted in    
calling her his ,little ,queen1 adding  
at times the high-sounding titles--,of  
,france and ,navarre4  ,the ,little     
,queen was indeed well received that    
winter's morning1 and in the course of  
the day a poor waif rang timidly at the 
door of the happy home1 and presented a 
paper bearing the following simple      
stanza3  ,smile and swiftly grow2 ,all  
beckons thee to joy1 ,sweet love1 and   
tenderest care4 ,smile gladly at the    

dawn1 ,bud of an hour6--for thou ,shalt 
be a stately rose4  ,it was a charming  
prophecy1 for the bud unfolded its      
petals and became a rose--a rose of     
love--but not for long1 for the space of
 a morn6  99   99   99   99   99   99   
,on ,january #d1 she was carried to the 
,church of ,notre ,dame to receive the  
,sacrament of ,baptism2 her eldest      
sister1 ,marie1 was her godmother1 and  
she was given the name of ,marie        
,franoise ,thrse4#a  ,all was joy at    
first1 but soon the tender bud drooped  
on its delicate stem3 little hope was   
held out--it must wither and die4 ,you  
must pray to ,st4 ,francis de ,sales1   
wrote her aunt from the convent at ,le  
,mans1 and you must promise1 if the     
child recovers1 to call her by her      
second name1 ,frances4 ,this was a      
sword-thrust for the ,mother4 ,leaning  
over the cradle of her ,thrse1 she      
awaited the coming of the end1 saying3  
,only when the last hope has gone1 will 
,i promise to call her ,frances4  ,the  

gentle ,st4 ,francis waived his claim in
 favour of the great ,reformer of the   
,carmelite ,order3 the child recovered1 
and so retained her sweet name of       
,thrse4 ,sorrow1 however1 was mixed with
 the ,mother's joy1 when it became      
necessary to send the babe to a         
foster-mother in the country4 ,there the
 little rose-bud grew in beauty1 and    
after some months had gained strength   
sufficient to allow of her being brought
 back to ,alenon4 ,her memory of this   
short but happy time spent with her     
sainted ,mother in the ,rue ,st4 ,blaise
 was extraordinarily vivid4 ,to-day a   
tablet on the balcony of ,no4 #db       
informs the passers-by that here was    
born a certain ,carmelite1 by name1     
,sister ,teresa of the ,child ,jesus and
 the ,holy ,face4 ,fifteen years have   
gone since the meeting in ,heaven of    
,madame ,martin and her ,carmelite      
child1 and if the pilgrimage to where   
the ,little ,flower first saw the light 
of day1 be not so large as that to the  

grave where her remains await their     
glorious resurrection1 it may           
nevertheless be numbered in thousands4  
,and to the ,english-speaking pilgrim   
there is an added pleasure in the fact  
that her most notable convert1 the first
 minister of the ,united ,free ,church  
of ,scotland to enter the ,true ,fold1  
performs1 with his convert wife1 the    
courteous duties of host4  99   99   99 
99   99   99  ,it will not be amiss to  
say a brief word here on the brother and
 sister of ,madame ,martin4 ,her        
sister--in religion1 ,sister ,marie     
,dosithea--led a life so holy at ,le    
,mans that she was cited by ,dom        
,guranger1 perhaps the most             
distinguished ,benedictine of the       
nineteenth century1 as the model of a   
perfect nun4 ,by her own confession1 she
 had never been guilty from earliest    
childhood of the smallest deliberate    
fault4 ,she died on ,february #bd1      
#ahgg4 ,it was in the convent made      
fragrant by such holiness that her niece

 ,pauline ,martin1 elder sister and     
little mother of ,thrse1 and for five   
years her ,prioress at the ,carmel1     
received her education4 ,and if the     
,little ,flower may have imbibed the    
liturgical spirit from her teachers1 the
 daughters of ,st4 ,benedict in         
,lisieux1 so that she could say before  
her death3 ,i do not think it is        
possible for anyone to have desired more
 than ,i to assist properly at choir and
 to recite perfectly the ,divine        
,office--may it not be to the influences
 from ,le ,mans that may be traced      
something of the honey-sweet spirit of  
,st4 ,francis de ,sales which pervades  
the pages of the ,autobiography8  ,with 
the brother of ,zlie ,gurin the reader  
will make acquaintance in the narrative 
of ,thrse4 ,he was a chemist in         
,lisieux1 and it was there his daughter 
,jeanne ,gurin married ,dr4 ,la ,nele   
and his younger child ,marie entered the
 ,carmel4 ,our foreign missionaries had 
a warm friend in the uncle of           

,thrse--for his charities he was made   
godfather to an ,african ,king2 and to  
the ,catholic ,press--that home         
missionary--he was ever most devoted4   
,founder1 at ,lisieux1 of the ,nocturnal
 ,adoration of the ,blessed ,sacrament1 
and a zealous member of the ,society of 
,st4 ,vincent de ,paul1 he was called to
 his abundant reward on ,september #bh1 
#aiji4 ,verily the lamp of faith is not 
extinct in the land of the ,norman4     
,the ,father of ,thrse1 after the death 
of his wife1 likewise made his home in  
the delightful town which lies amid the 
beautiful apple orchards of the valley  
of the ,touques4 ,lisieux is deeply     
interesting by reason of its fine old   
churches of ,st4 ,jacques and ,st4      
,pierre1 and its wonderful specimens of 
quaint houses1 some of which date from  
the twelfth century4 ,in matters of     
faith it is neither fervent nor hostile1
 and in #ahgg its inhabitants little    
thought that through their new citizen1 
,marie ,franoise ,thrse ,martin1 their  

town would be rendered immortal4  99    
99   99   99   99   99  ,the cell at    
,lisieux reminds us of the cell of the  
,blessed ,gabriel at ,isola4 ,there is  
the same even tenor of way1 the same    
magnificant fidelity in little things1  
the same flames of divine charity1      
consuming but concealed4 ,nazareth1 with
 the simplicity of its ,child1 and the  
calm abysmal love of ,mary and          
,joseph--,nazareth1 adorable but        
imitable1 gives the key to her spirit1  
and her ,autobiography does but repeat  
the lessons of the thirty hidden        
years4#b  ,and it repeats them with an  
unrivalled charm4 ,this master of       
asceticism1 writes a biographer#c of    
,st4 ,ignatius ,loyola1 loved the garden
 and loved the flowers4 ,in the balcony 
of his study he sat gazing on the stars3
 it was then ,lainez heard him say3     
',oh1 how earth grows base to me when ,i
 look on ,heaven6' 4 4 4 ,the like      
imaginative strain1 so scorned of our   
petty day1 inhered in all the lofty     

souls of that age4 ,even the ,saints of 
our day speak a less radiant language3  
and sanctity shows 'shorn of its rays'  
through the black fog of universal      
utilitarianism1 the materiality which   
men have drawn into the very lungs of   
their souls4  ,this is not true of the  
sainted authoress of the chapters that  
follow--less radiant1 in the medium of a
 translation4 ,in her own inimitable    
pages1 as in those of a ,campion or an  
,ignatius1 a ,teresa of ,avila1 or a    
,john of the ,cross--the ,spirit of     
,poetry is the handmaiden of ,holiness4 
,this new lover of flowers and student  
of the stars1 this strewer of roses1 has
 uplifted a million hearts from the base
 earth and black fog to the very throne 
of ,god1 and her mission is as yet but  
begun4  ,the pen of ,soeur ,thrse       
herself must now take up the narrative4 
,it will do so in words that do not     
merely tell of love but set the heart on
 fire1 and at the same time lay bare the
 workings of ,god in a soul that since  

the age of three never refused the ,good
 ,god anything4 ,the writing of this    
,autobiography was an act of obedience1 
and the ,prioress who imposed the task  
sought1 in all simplicity1 her own      
personal edification4 ,but the fragrance
 of its pages was such that she was     
advised to publish them to the world4   
,she did so in #ahii under the title of 
,l',histoire d'une me4 ,an ,english     
version by ,m4 ,h4 ,dziewicki appeared  
in #aija4  ,this new translation relates
 more fully the story of the childhood1 
girlhood1 and brief convent days of     
,soeur ,thrse4 ,it tells of her ,roses1 
and sets forth again1 in our world-wide 
tongue1 her world-wide embassy--the ever
 ancient message of ,god's ,merciful    
,love1 the ever new way to ,him of      
confidence and self-surrender4  ,the    
,editor4   #a ,the baptismal entry1 with
 its numerous signatures1 is shown to   
visitors1 and a tablet in the baptistry 
of the beautiful ,gothic church tells   
the pilgrim that here the ,little ,queen

 was made a child of ,god4 ,ed4  #b ,as 
,little ,children3 the abridged life of 
,soeur ,thrse4 ,published at the        
,orphans' ,press1 ,rochdale4  #c        
,francis ,thompson4    ,,the            
,,autobiography ,,of ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se 
,,of ,,lisieux1 ,,entitled ,,by         
,,herself3 ,,the ,,story ,,of ,,the     
,,springtime ,,of ,a ,,little ,,white   
,,flower    ,,chapter ,i ,,earliest     
,,memories  ,it is to you1 dear ,mother1
 that ,i am about to confide the story  
of my soul4 ,when you asked me to write 
it1 ,i feared the task might unsettle   
me1 but since then ,our ,lord has       
deigned to make me understand that by   
simple obedience ,i shall please ,him   
best4 ,i begin therefore to sing what   
must be my eternal song3 the ,mercies of
 the ,lord4#a  ,before setting about my 
task ,i knelt before the statue of ,our 
,lady which had given my family so many 
proofs of ,our ,heavenly ,mother's      
loving care4#b ,as ,i knelt ,i begged of
 that dear ,mother to guide my hand1 and

 thus ensure that only what was pleasing
 to her should find place here4  ,then  
opening the ,gospels1 my eyes fell on   
these words3 ,jesus1 going up into a    
mountain1 called unto ,him whom ,he     
would ,himself4#c  ,they threw a clear  
light upon the mystery of my vocation   
and of my entire life1 and above all    
upon the favours which ,our ,lord has   
granted to my soul4 ,he does not call   
those who are worthy1 but those whom ,he
 will4 ,as ,st4 ,paul says3 ,god will   
have mercy on whom ,he will have        
mercy4#d ,so then it is not of him that 
willeth1 nor of him that runneth1 but of
 ,god that showeth mercy4#e  ,i often   
asked myself why ,god had preferences1  
why all souls did not receive an equal  
measure of grace4 ,i was filled with    
wonder when ,i saw extraordinary favours
 showered on great sinners like ,st4    
,paul1 ,st4 ,augustine1 ,st4 ,mary      
,magdalen1 and many others1 whom ,he    
forced1 so to speak1 to receive ,his    
grace4 ,in reading the lives of the     

,saints ,i was surprised to see that    
there were certain privileged souls1    
whom ,our ,lord favoured from the cradle
 to the grave1 allowing no obstacle in  
their path which might keep them from   
mounting towards ,him1 permitting no sin
 to soil the spotless brightness of     
their baptismal robe4 ,and again it     
puzzled me why so many poor savages     
should die without having even heard the
 name of ,god4  ,our ,lord has deigned  
to explain this mystery to me4 ,he      
showed me the book of nature1 and ,i    
understood that every flower created by 
,him is beautiful1 that the brilliance  
of the rose and the whiteness of the    
lily do not lessen the perfume of the   
violet or the sweet simplicity of the   
daisy4 ,i understood that if all the    
lowly flowers wished to be roses1 nature
 would lose its springtide beauty1 and  
the fields would no longer be enamelled 
with lovely hues4 ,and so it is in the  
world of souls1 ,our ,lord's living     
garden4 ,he has been pleased to create  

great ,saints who may be compared to the
 lily and the rose1 but ,he has also    
created lesser ones1 who must be content
 to be daisies or simple violets        
flowering at ,his ,feet1 and whose      
mission it is to gladden ,his ,divine   
,eyes when ,he deigns to look down on   
them4 ,and the more gladly they do ,his 
,will the greater is their perfection4  
,i understood this also1 that ,god's    
,love is made manifest as well in a     
simple soul which does not resist ,his  
grace as in one more highly endowed4 ,in
 fact1 the characteristic of love being 
self-abasement1 if all souls resembled  
the holy ,doctors who have illuminated  
the ,church1 it seems that ,god in      
coming to them would not stoop low      
enough4 ,but ,he has created the little 
child1 who knows nothing and can but    
utter feeble cries1 and the poor savage 
who has only the natural law to guide   
him1 and it is to their hearts that ,he 
deigns to stoop4 ,these are the field   
flowers whose simplicity charms ,him2   

and by ,his condescension to them ,our  
,saviour shows ,his infinite greatness4 
,as the sun shines both on the cedar and
 on the floweret1 so the ,divine ,sun   
illumines every soul1 great and small1  
and all correspond to ,his care--just as
 in nature the seasons are so disposed  
that on the appointed day the humblest  
daisy shall unfold its petals4  ,you    
will wonder1 dear ,mother1 to what all  
this is leading1 for till now ,i have   
said nothing that sounds like the story 
of my life2 but did you not tell me to  
write quite freely whatever came into my
 mind8 ,so1 it will not be my life      
properly speaking1 that you will find in
 these pages1 but my thoughts about the 
graces which it has pleased ,our ,lord  
to bestow on me4  ,i am now at a time of
 life when ,i can look back on the past1
 for my soul has been refined in the    
crucible of interior and exterior       
trials4 ,now1 like a flower after the   
storm1 ,i can raise my head and see that
 the words of the ,psalm are realised in

 me3 ,the ,lord is my ,shepherd and ,i  
shall want nothing4 ,he hath set me in a
 place of pasture4 ,he hath brought me  
up on the water of refreshment4 ,he hath
 converted my soul4 ,he hath led me on  
the paths of justice for ,his own       
,name's sake4 ,for though ,i should walk
 in the midst of the shadow of death1 ,i
 will fear no evils for ,thou are with  
me4#f  ,yes1 to me ,our ,lord has always
 been compassionate and merciful1       
long-suffering and plenteous in mercy4#g
  ,and so it gives me great joy1 dear   
,mother1 to come to you and sing ,his   
unspeakable mercies4 ,it is for you     
alone that ,i write the story of the    
little flower gathered by ,jesus4 ,this 
thought will help me to speak freely1   
without troubling either about style or 
about the many digressions that ,i shall
 make2 for a ,mother's heart always     
understands her child1 even when it can 
only lisp1 and so ,i am sure of being   
understood and my meaning appreciated4  
,if a little flower could speak1 it     

seems to me that it would tell us quite 
simply all that ,god has done for it1   
without hiding any of its gifts4 ,it    
would not1 under the pretext of         
humility1 say that it was not pretty1 or
 that it had not a sweet scent1 that the
 sun had withered its petals1 or the    
storm bruised its stem1 if it knew that 
such were not the case4  ,the ,little   
,flower1 that now tells her tale1       
rejoiced in having to publish the wholly
 undeserved favours bestowed upon her by
 ,our ,lord4 ,she knows that she had    
nothing in herself worthy of attracting 
,him3 ,his ,mercy alone showered        
blessings on her4 ,he allowed her to    
grow in holy soil enriched with the     
odour of purity1 and preceded by eight  
lilies of shining whiteness4 ,in ,his   
,love ,he willed to preserve her from   
the poisoned breath of the world--hardly
 had her petals unfolded when this good 
,master transplanted her to the mountain
 of ,carmel1 ,our ,lady's chosen garden4
  ,and now1 dear ,mother1 having summed 

up in a few words all that ,god's       
goodness has done for me1 ,i will relate
 in detail the story of my childhood4 ,i
 know that1 though to others it may seem
 wearisome1 your motherly heart will    
find pleasure in it4 ,in the story of my
 soul1 up to the time of my entry into  
the ,carmel1 there are three clearly    
marked periods3 the first1 in spite of  
its shortness1 is by no means the least 
rich in memories4  ,it extends from the 
dawn of reason to the death of my dearly
 loved ,mother2 in other words1 till ,i 
was four years and eight months old4    
,god1 in ,his goodness1 did me the      
favour of awakening my intelligence very
 early1 and ,he has imprinted the       
recollections of my childhood so deeply 
in my memory that past events seem to   
have happened but yesterday4 ,without   
doubt ,he wished to make me know and    
appreciate the ,mother ,he had given me4
 ,alas6 ,his ,divine ,hand soon took her
 from me to crown her in ,heaven4  ,all 
my life it has pleased ,him to surround 

me with affection4 ,my first            
recollections are of loving smiles and  
tender caresses2 but if ,he made others 
love me so much1 ,he made me love them  
too1 for ,i was of an affectionate      
nature4  ,you can hardly imagine how    
much ,i loved my ,father and ,mother1   
and1 being very demonstrative1 ,i showed
 my love in a thousand little ways1     
though the means ,i employed make me    
smile now when ,i think of them4  ,dear 
,mother1 you have given me the letters  
which my ,mother wrote at this time to  
,pauline1 who was at school at the      
,visitation ,convent at ,le ,mans4 ,i   
remember perfectly the events they refer
 to1 but it will be easier for me simply
 to quote some passages1 though these   
charming letters1 inspired by a         
,mother's love1 are too often full of my
 praises4  ,in proof of what ,i have    
said about my way of showing affection  
for my parents1 here is an example3     
,baby is the dearest little rogue2 she  
comes to kiss me1 and at the same time  

wishes me to die4 ',oh1 how ,i wish you 
would die1 dear ,mamma1' she said1 and  
when she was scolded she was quite      
astonished1 and answered3 ',but ,i want 
you to go to ,heaven1 and you say we    
must die to go there'2 and in her       
outburst of affection for her ,father   
she wishes him to die too4 ,the dear    
little thing will hardly leave me1 she  
follows me everywhere1 but likes going  
into the garden best2 when ,i am not    
there she refuses to stay1 and cries so 
much that they are obliged to bring her 
back4 ,she will not even go upstairs    
alone without calling me at each step1  
',mamma6 ,mamma6' and if ,i forget to   
answer ',yes1 darling6' she waits where 
she is1 and will not move4  ,i was      
nearly three years old when my ,mother  
wrote3 ,little ,thrse asked me the other
 day if she would go to ,heaven4 ',yes1 
if you are good1' ,i told her4 ',oh1    
,mamma1' she answered1 'then if ,i am   
not good1 shall ,i go to ,hell8 ,well1  
you know what ,i will do--,i shall fly  

to you in ,heaven1 and you will hold me 
tight in your arms1 and how could ,god  
take me away then8' ,i saw that she was 
convinced that ,god could do nothing to 
her if she hid herself in my arms4      
,marie loves her little sister very     
much2 indeed she is a child who delights
 us all4 ,she is extraordinarily        
outspoken1 and it is charming to see her
 run after me to confess her childish   
faults3 ',mamma1 ,i have pushed ,cline2 
,i slapped her once1 but ,i'll not do it
 again4' ,the moment she has done       
anything mischievous1 everyone must     
know4 ,yesterday1 without meaning to do 
so1 she tore off a small piece of wall  
paper2 you would have been sorry for    
her--she wanted to tell her father      
immediately4 ,when he came home four    
hours later1 everyone else had forgotten
 about it1 but she ran at once to ,marie
 saying3 ',tell ,papa that ,i tore the  
paper4' ,she waited there like a        
criminal for sentence2 but she thinks   
she is more easily forgiven if she      

accuses herself4  ,papa's name fills me 
with many happy memories4 ,mamma        
laughingly said he always did whatever  
,i wanted1 but he answered3 ,well1 why  
not8 ,she is the ,queen6 ,then he would 
lift me on to his shoulder1 and caress  
me in all sorts of ways4 ,yet ,i cannot 
say that he spoilt me4 ,i remember one  
day while ,i was swinging he called out 
as he passed3 ,come and kiss me1 little 
,queen4 ,contrary to my usual custom1 ,i
 would not stir1 and answered pertly3   
,you must come for it1 ,papa4 ,he       
refused quite rightly1 and went away4   
,marie was there and scolded me1 saying3
 ,how naughty to answer ,papa like that6
 ,her reproof took effect2 ,i got off   
the swing at once1 and the whole house  
resounded with my cries4 ,i hurried     
upstairs1 not waiting this time to call 
,mamma at each step2 my one thought was 
to find ,papa and make my peace with    
him4 ,i need not tell you that this was 
soon done4  ,i could not bear to think  
,i had grieved my beloved parents1 and  

,i acknowledged my faults instantly1 as 
this little anecdote1 related by my     
,mother1 will show3 ,one morning before 
going downstairs ,i wanted to kiss      
,thrse2 she seemed to be fast asleep1   
and ,i did not like to wake her1 but    
,marie said3 ',mamma1 ,i am sure she is 
only pretending4' ,so ,i bent down to   
kiss her forehead1 and immediately she  
hid herself under the clothes1 saying in
 the tone of a spoilt child3 ',i don't  
want anyone to look at me4' ,i was not  
pleased with her1 and told her so4 ,a   
minute or two afterwards ,i heard her   
crying1 and was surprised to see her by 
my side4 ,she had got out of her cot by 
herself1 and had come downstairs with   
bare feet1 stumbling over her long      
nightdress4 ,her little face was wet    
with tears3 ',mamma1' she said1 throwing
 herself on my knee1 ',i am sorry for   
being naughty--forgive me6' ,pardon was 
quickly granted2 ,i took the little     
angel in my arms and pressed her to my  
heart1 smothering her with kisses4  ,i  

remember also my great affection for my 
eldest sister ,marie1 who had just left 
school4 ,without seeming to do so1 ,i   
took in all that ,i saw and heard1 and  
,i think that ,i reflected on things    
then as ,i do now4 ,i listened          
attentively while she taught ,cline1 and
 was very good and obedient1 so as to   
obtain the privilege of being allowed in
 the room during lessons4 ,she gave me  
many trifling presents which pleased me 
greatly4 ,i was proud of my two big     
sisters2 but as ,pauline seemed so far  
away from us1 ,i thought of her all day 
long4 ,when ,i was only just learning to
 talk1 and ,mamma asked3 ,what are you  
thinking about8 my answer invariably    
was3 ,pauline4 ,sometimes ,i heard      
people saying that ,pauline would be a  
nun1 and1 without quite knowing what it 
meant1 ,i thought3 ,i will be a nun too4
 ,this is one of my first recollections1
 and ,i have never changed my mind2 so  
it was the example of this beloved      
sister which1 from the age of two1 drew 

me to the ,divine ,spouse of ,virgins4  
,my dearest ,mother1 what tender        
memories of ,pauline ,i could confide to
 you here6 ,but it would take me too    
long4  ,lonie had also a very warm place
 in my heart2 she loved me very much1   
and her love was returned4 ,in the      
evening when she came home from school  
she used to take care of me while the   
others went out1 and it seems to me ,i  
can still hear the sweet songs she sang 
to put me to sleep4 ,i remember         
perfectly the day of her ,first         
,communion1 and ,i remember also her    
companion1 the poor child whom my       
,mother dressed1 according to the       
touching custom of the well-to-do       
families in ,alenon4 ,this child did not
 leave ,lonie for an instant on that    
happy day1 and in the evening at the    
grand dinner she sat in the place of    
honour4 ,alas6 ,i was too small to stay 
up for this feast1 but ,i shared in it a
 little1 thanks to ,papa's goodness1 for
 he came himself to bring his little    

,queen a piece of the iced cake4  ,the  
only one now left to speak of is ,cline1
 the companion of my childhood4 ,my     
memories of her are so many that ,i do  
not know which to choose4 ,we understood
 each other perfectly1 but ,i was much  
more forward and lively1 and far less   
ingenuous4 ,here is a letter which will 
show you1 dear ,mother1 how sweet was   
,cline1 and how naughty ,thrse4 ,i was  
then nearly three years old1 and ,cline 
six and a half4 ,cline is naturally     
inclined to be good2 as to the little   
puss1 ,thrse1 one cannot tell how she   
will turn out1 she is so young and      
heedless4 ,she is a very intelligent    
child1 but has not nearly so sweet a    
disposition as her sister1 and her      
stubbornness is almost unconquerable4   
,when she has said ',no1' nothing will  
make her change2 one could leave her all
 day in the cellar without getting her  
to say ',yes4' ,she would sooner sleep  
there4  ,i had another fault also1 of   
which my ,mother did not speak in her   

letters3 it was self-love4 ,here are two
 instances3 --,one day1 no doubt wishing
 to see how far my pride would go1 she  
smiled and said to me1 ,thrse1 if you   
will kiss the ground ,i will give you a 
halfpenny4 ,in those days a halfpenny   
was a fortune1 and in order to gain it  
,i had not far to stoop1 for ,i was so  
tiny there was not much distance between
 me and the ground2 but my pride was up 
in arms1 and holding myself very erect1 
,i said1 ,no1 thank you1 ,mamma1 ,i     
would rather go without it4  ,another   
time we were going into the country to  
see some friends4 ,mamma told ,marie to 
put on my prettiest frock1 but not to   
let me have bare arms4 ,i did not say a 
word1 and appeared as indifferent as    
children of that age should be1 but ,i  
said to myself1 ,i should have looked   
much prettier with bare arms4  ,with    
such a disposition ,i feel sure that had
 ,i been brought up by careless parents 
,i should have become very wicked1 and  
perhaps have lost my soul4 ,but ,jesus  

watched over ,his little ,spouse1 and   
turned even her faults to advantage1    
for1 being checked early in life1 they  
became a means of leading her towards   
perfection4 ,for instance1 as ,i had    
great self-love and an innate love of   
good as well1 it was enough to tell me  
once3 ,you must not do that1 and ,i     
never wanted to do it again4 ,having    
only good example before my eyes1 ,i    
naturally wished to follow it1 and ,i   
see with pleasure in my ,mother's       
letters that as ,i grew older ,i began  
to be a greater comfort4 ,this is what  
she writes in #ahgf3 ,even ,thrse is    
anxious to make sacrifices4 ,marie has  
given her little sisters a string of    
beads on purpose to count their acts of 
self-denial4 ,they have really          
spiritual1 but very amusing1            
conversations together4 ,cline said the 
other day3 ',how can ,god be in such a  
tiny ,host8' ,thrse answered3 ',that is 
not strange1 because ,god is ,almighty6'
 ',and what does ,almighty mean8' ',it  

means that ,he can do whatever ,he      
likes4'  ,but it is more amusing still  
to see ,thrse put her hand in her       
pocket1 time after time1 to pull a bead 
along the string1 whenever she makes a  
little sacrifice4 ,the children are     
inseparable1 and are quite sufficient   
company for one another4 ,nurse has     
given ,thrse two bantams1 and every day 
after dinner she and ,cline sit by the  
fire and play with them4  ,one morning  
,thrse got out of her cot and climbed   
into ,cline's4 ,the nurse went to fetch 
her to be dressed1 and1 when at last she
 found her1 the little thing said1      
hugging her sister very hard3 ',oh1     
,louise6 leave me here1 don't you see   
that we are like the little white       
bantams1 we can't be separated from one 
another4'  ,it is quite true that ,i    
could not be separated from ,cline2 ,i  
would rather leave my dessert unfinished
 at table than let her go without me1   
and ,i would get down from my high chair
 when she did1 and off we went to play  

together4 ,on ,sundays1 as ,i was still 
too small to go to the long services1   
,mamma stayed at home to take care of   
me4 ,i was always very good1 walking    
about on tip-toe2 but as soon as ,i     
heard the door open there was a         
tremendous outburst of joy--,i threw    
myself on my dear little sister1        
exclaiming3 ,oh1 ,cline6 give me the    
blessed bread1 quick6#h ,one day she had
 not brought any--what was to be done8  
,i could not do without it1 for ,i      
called this little feast my ,mass4 ,a   
bright idea struck me3 ,you have no     
blessed bread6 --make some4 ,cline      
immediately opened the cupboard1 took   
out the bread1 cut a tiny bit off1 and  
after saying a ,hail ,mary quite        
solemnly over it1 triumphantly presented
 it to me2 and ,i1 making the sign of   
the ,cross1 ate it with devotion1       
fancying it tasted exactly like the real
 blessed bread4  ,one day ,lonie1       
thinking no doubt that she was too big  
to play with dolls1 brought us a basket 

filled with clothes1 pretty pieces of   
stuff1 and other trifles on which her   
doll was laid3 ,here1 dears1 she said1  
choose whatever you like4 ,cline looked 
at it1 and took a woollen ball4 ,after  
thinking about it for a minute1 ,i put  
out my hand saying3 ,i choose           
everything1 and ,i carried off both doll
 and basket without more ado4  ,this    
childish incident was a forecast1 so to 
speak1 of my whole life4 ,later on1 when
 the way of perfection was opened out   
before me1 ,i realised that in order to 
become a ,saint one must suffer much1   
always seek the most perfect path1 and  
forget oneself4 ,i also understood that 
there are many degrees of holiness1 that
 each soul is free to respond to the    
calls of ,our ,lord1 to do much or      
little for ,his ,love--in a word1 to    
choose amongst the sacrifices ,he asks4 
,and then also1 as in the days of my    
childhood1 ,i cried out3 ,my ,god1 ,i   
choose everything1 ,i will not be a     
,saint by halves1 ,i am not afraid of   

suffering for ,thee1 ,i only fear one   
thing1 and that is to do my own will4   
,accept the offering of my will1 for ,i 
choose all that ,thou willest4  ,but1   
dear ,mother1 ,i am forgetting          
myself--,i must not tell you yet of my  
girlhood1 ,i am still speaking of the   
baby of three and four years old4  ,i   
remember a dream ,i had at that age     
which impressed itself very deeply on my
 memory4 ,i thought ,i was walking alone
 in the garden when1 suddenly1 ,i saw   
near the arbour two hideous little      
devils dancing with surprising agility  
on a barrel of lime1 in spite of the    
heavy irons attached to their feet4 ,at 
first they cast fiery glances at me2    
then1 as though suddenly terrified1 ,i  
saw them1 in the twinkling of an eye1   
throw themselves down to the bottom of  
the barrel1 from which they came out    
somehow1 only to run and hide themselves
 in the laundry which opened into the   
garden4 ,finding them such cowards1 ,i  
wanted to know what they were going to  

do1 and1 overcoming my fears1 ,i went to
 the window4 ,the wretched little       
creatures were there1 running about on  
the tables1 not knowing how to hide     
themselves from my gaze4 ,from time to  
time they came nearer1 peering through  
the windows with an uneasy air1 then1   
seeing that ,i was still there1 they    
began to run about again looking quite  
desperate4 ,of course this dream was    
nothing extraordinary2 yet ,i think ,our
 ,lord made use of it to show me that a 
soul in the state of grace has nothing  
to fear from the devil1 who is a coward1
 and will even fly from the gaze of a   
little child4  ,dear ,mother1 how happy 
,i was at that age6 ,i was beginning to 
enjoy life1 and goodness itself seemed  
full of charms4 ,probably my character  
was the same as it is now1 for even then
 ,i had great self-command1 and made a  
practice of never complaining when my   
things were taken2 even if ,i was       
unjustly accused1 ,i preferred to keep  
silence4 ,there was no merit in this1   

for ,i did it naturally4  ,how quickly  
those sunny years of my childhood passed
 away1 and what tender memories they    
have imprinted on my mind6 ,i remember  
the ,sunday walks when my dear ,mother  
always accompanied us2 and ,i can still 
feel the impression made on my childish 
heart at the sight of the fields bright 
with cornflowers1 poppies1 and          
marguerites4 ,even at that age ,i loved 
far-stretching views1 sunlit spaces and 
stately trees2 in a word1 all nature    
charmed me and lifted up my soul to     
,heaven4  ,often1 during these walks1 we
 met poor people4 ,i was always chosen  
to give them an alms1 which made me feel
 very happy4 ,sometimes1 my dear        
,father1 knowing the way was too long   
for his little ,queen1 took me home4    
,this was a cause of grief1 and to      
console me ,cline would fill her basket 
with daisies1 and give them to me on her
 return4 ,truly everything on earth     
smiled on me2 ,i found flowers strewn at
 every step1 and my naturally happy     

disposition helped to make life bright4 
,but a new era was about to dawn4  ,i   
was to be the ,spouse of ,our ,lord at  
such an early age that it was necessary 
,i should suffer from my childhood4 ,as 
the early spring flowers begin to come  
up under the snow and open at the first 
rays of the sun1 so the ,little ,flower 
whose story ,i am writing had to pass   
through the winter of trial and to have 
her tender cup filled with the dew of   
tears4   #a ,ps4 #hhhi3a4  #b ,this     
statue twice appeared as if endowed with
 life1 in order to enlighten and console
 ,mme4 ,martin1 mother of ,thrse4 ,a    
like favour was granted to ,thrse       
herself1 as will be seen in the course  
of the narrative4  #c ,mark #c3ac4  #d  
,cf4 ,exodus #cc3ai4  #e ,cf4 ,rom4     
#i3af4  #f ,cf4 ,ps4 #bbbc3a-d4  #g ,ps4
 #ajbajc3h4  #h ,the custom still       
prevails in some parts of ,france of    
blessing bread at the ,offertory of the 
,mass and then distributing it to the   
faithful4 ,it is known as pain bnit4    

,this blessing only takes place at the  
,parochial ,mass4 ,ed4    ,,chapter ,,ii
 ,a ,,catholic ,,household  ,all the    
details of my ,mother's illness are     
still fresh in my mind4 ,i remember     
especially her last weeks on earth1 when
 ,cline and ,i felt like poor little    
exiles4 ,every morning a friend came to 
fetch us1 and we spent the day with her4
 ,once1 we had not had time to say our  
prayers before starting1 and on the way 
my little sister whispered3 ,must we    
tell her that we have not said our      
prayers8 ,yes1 ,i answered4 ,so1 very   
timidly1 ,cline confided our secret to  
her1 and she exclaimed3 ,well1 well1    
children1 you shall say them4 ,then she 
took us to a large room1 and left us    
there4 ,cline looked at me in amazement4
 ,i was equally astonished1 and         
exclaimed3 ,this is not like ,mamma1 she
 always said our prayers with us4       
,during the day1 in spite of all efforts
 to amuse us1 the thought of our dear   
,mother was constantly in our minds4 ,i 

remember once1 when my sister had an    
apricot given to her1 she leant towards 
me and said3 ,we will not eat it1 ,i    
will give it to ,mamma4 ,alas6 our      
beloved ,mother was now too ill to eat  
any earthly fruit2 she would never more 
be satisfied but by the glory of        
,heaven4 ,there she would drink of the  
mysterious wine which ,jesus1 at ,his   
,last ,supper1 promised to share with us
 in the ,kingdom of ,his ,father4  ,the 
touching ceremony of ,extreme ,unction  
made a deep impression on me4 ,i can    
still see the place where ,i knelt1 and 
hear my poor ,father's sobs4  ,my dear  
,mother died on ,august #bh1 #ahgg1 in  
her forty-sixth year4 ,the day after her
 death my ,father took me in his arms   
and said3 ,come and kiss your dear      
,mother for the last time4 ,without     
saying a word ,i put my lips to her icy 
forehead4 ,i do not remember having     
cried much1 and ,i did not talk to      
anyone of all that filled my heart2 ,i  
looked and listened in silence1 and ,i  

saw many things they would have hidden  
from me4 ,once ,i found myself close to 
the coffin in the passage4 ,i stood     
looking at it for a long time2 ,i had   
never seen one before1 but ,i knew what 
it was4 ,i was so small that ,i had to  
lift up my head to see its whole length1
 and it seemed to me very big and very  
sad4  ,fifteen years later ,i was again 
standing by another coffin1 that of our 
holy ,mother ,genevieve1#a and ,i was   
carried back to the days of my          
childhood4 ,memories crowded upon me2 it
 was the same little ,thrse who looked  
at it1 but she had grown1 and the coffin
 seemed small4 ,she had not to lift up  
her head to it1 now she only raised her 
eyes to contemplate ,heaven which seemed
 to her very full of joy1 for trials had
 matured and strengthened her soul1 so  
that nothing on earth could make her    
grieve4  ,our ,lord did not leave me    
wholly an orphan2 on the day of my      
,mother's funeral ,he gave me another   
mother1 and allowed me to choose her    

freely4 ,we were all five together1     
looking at one another sadly1 when our  
nurse1 overcome with emotion1 said1     
turning to ,cline and to me3 ,poor      
little dears1 you no longer have a      
,mother4 ,then ,cline threw herself into
 ,marie's arms1 crying3 ,well1 you will 
be my ,mother now4 ,i was so accustomed 
to imitate ,cline that ,i should        
undoubtedly have followed her example1  
but ,i feared ,pauline would be sad and 
feel herself left out if she too had not
 a little daughter4 ,so1 with a loving  
look1 ,i hid my face on her breast      
saying in my turn3 ,and ,pauline will be
 my ,mother4  ,that day1 as ,i have     
said1 began the second period of my     
life4 ,it was the most sorrowful of all1
 especially after ,pauline1 my second   
,mother1 entered the ,carmel2 and it    
lasted from the time ,i was four years  
old until ,i was fourteen1 when ,i      
recovered much of my childish gaiety1   
even though ,i understood more fully the
 serious side of life4  ,i must tell you

 that after my ,mother's death my       
naturally happy disposition completely  
changed4 ,instead of being lively and   
demonstrative as ,i had been1 ,i became 
timid1 shy1 and extremely sensitive2 a  
look was enough to make me burst into   
tears4 ,i could not bear to be noticed  
or to meet strangers1 and was only at   
ease in my own family circle4 ,there ,i 
was always cherished with the most      
loving care2 my ,father's affectionate  
heart seemed endowed with a mother's    
love1 and my sisters were no less tender
 and devoted4 ,if ,our ,lord had not    
lavished so much love and sunshine on   
,his ,little ,flower1 she never could   
have become acclimatised to this earth4 
,still too weak to bear the storm1 she  
needed warmth1 refreshing dew1 and soft 
breezes1 and these gifts were never     
wanting to her1 even in the chilling    
seasons of trials4  ,soon after my      
,mother's death1 ,papa made up his mind 
to leave ,alenon and live at ,lisieux1  
so that we might be near our uncle1 my  

,mother's brother4 ,he made this        
sacrifice in order that my young sisters
 should have the benefit of their aunt's
 guidance in their new life1 and that   
she might act as a mother towards them4 
,i did not feel any grief at leaving my 
native town3 children love change and   
anything out of the common1 and so ,i   
was pleased to come to ,lisieux4 ,i     
remember the journey quite well1 and our
 arrival in the evening at my uncle's   
house1 and ,i can still see my little   
cousins1 ,jeanne and ,marie1 waiting on 
the doorstep with my aunt4 ,how touching
 was the affection all these dear ones  
showed us6  ,the next day they took us  
to our new home1 ,les ,buissonets1#b    
situated in a quiet part of the town4 ,i
 was charmed with the house my ,father  
had taken4 ,the large upper window from 
which there was an extensive view1 the  
flower garden in front1 and the kitchen 
garden at the back--all these seemed    
delightfully new to my childish mind2   
and this happy home became the scene of 

many joys and of family gatherings which
 ,i can never forget4 ,elsewhere1 as ,i 
said before1 ,i felt an exile1 ,i cried 
and fretted for my ,mother2 but here my 
little heart expanded1 and ,i smiled on 
life once more4  ,when ,i woke there    
were my sisters ready to caress me1 and 
,i said my prayers kneeling between     
them4 ,then ,pauline gave me my reading 
lesson1 and ,i remember that ,heaven was
 the first word ,i could read alone4    
,when lessons were over ,i went         
upstairs1 where ,papa was generally to  
be found1 and how pleased ,i was when ,i
 had good marks to show4 ,every         
afternoon ,i went out for a walk with   
him1 and we paid a visit to the ,blessed
 ,sacrament in one or other of the      
,churches4 ,it was in this way that ,i  
first saw the ,chapel of the ,carmel3   
,look1 little ,queen1 ,papa said to me1 
behind that big grating there are holy  
nuns who are always praying to ,almighty
 ,god4 ,little did ,i think that nine   
years later ,i should be amongst them1  

that in this blessed ,carmel ,i should  
receive so many graces4  ,on returning  
home ,i learnt my lessons1 and then     
spent the rest of the day playing in the
 garden near ,papa4 ,i never cared for  
dolls1 but one of my favourite          
amusements was making coloured mixtures 
with seeds and the bark of trees4 ,if   
the colours were pretty1 ,i would       
promptly offer them to ,papa in a little
 cup and entice him to taste them2 then 
my dearest ,father would leave his work 
and smilingly pretend to drink4 ,i was  
very fond of flowers1 and amused myself 
by making little altars in holes which  
,i happened to find in the middle of my 
garden wall4 ,when finished ,i would run
 and call ,papa1 and he seemed delighted
 with them4 ,i should never stop if ,i  
told you of the thousand and one        
incidents of this kind that ,i can      
remember4 ,how shall ,i make you        
understand the love that my ,father     
lavished on his little ,queen6  ,those  
were specially happy days for me when ,i

 went fishing with my dear ,king1 as ,i 
used to call him4 ,sometimes ,i tried my
 hand with a small rod of my own1 but   
generally ,i preferred to sit on the    
grass some distance away4 ,then my      
reflections became really deep1 and1    
without knowing what meditation meant1  
my soul was absorbed in prayer4 ,far-off
 sounds reached me1 the murmuring of the
 wind1 sometimes a few uncertain notes  
of music from a military band in the    
town a long way off2 all this imparted a
 touch of melancholy to my thoughts4    
,earth seemed a place of exile1 and ,i  
dreamed of ,heaven4  ,the afternoon     
passed quickly away1 and it was soon    
time to go home1 but before packing up  
,i would eat the provisions ,i had      
brought in a small basket4 ,somehow the 
slices of bread and jam1 prepared by my 
sisters1 looked different2 they had     
seemed so tempting1 and now they looked 
stale and uninviting4 ,even such a      
trifle as this made the earth seem      
sadder1 and ,i realised that only in    

,heaven will there be unclouded joy4    
,speaking of clouds1 ,i remember how one
 day when we were out1 the blue sky     
became overcast and a storm came on1    
accompanied by vivid lightning4 ,i      
looked round on every side1 so as to    
lose nothing of the grand sight4 ,a     
thunderbolt fell in a field close by1   
and1 far from feeling the least bit     
afraid1 ,i was delighted--it seemed that
 ,god was so near4 ,papa was not so     
pleased1 and put an end to my reverie1  
for already the tall grass and daisies1 
taller than ,i1 were sparkling with     
rain-drops1 and we had to cross several 
fields to reach the road4 ,in spite of  
his fishing tackle1 he carried me in his
 arms while ,i looked down in the       
beautiful jewelled drops1 almost sorry  
that ,i could not be drenched by them4  
,i do not think ,i have told you that in
 our daily walks at ,lisieux1 as in     
,alenon1 ,i often used to give alms to  
the beggars4 ,one day we came upon a    
poor old man who dragged himself        

painfully along on crutches4 ,i went up 
to give him a penny4 ,he looked sadly at
 me for a long time1 and then1 shaking  
his head with a sorrowful smile1 he     
refused my alms4 ,i cannot tell you what
 ,i felt2 ,i had wished to help and     
comfort him1 and instead of that1 ,i    
had1 perhaps1 hurt him and caused him   
pain4 ,he must have guessed my thought1 
for ,i saw him turn round and smile at  
me when we were some way off4  ,just    
then ,papa bought me a cake4 ,i wished  
very much to run after the old man and  
give it to him1 for ,i thought3 ,well1  
he did not want money1 but ,i am sure he
 would like to have a cake4 ,i do not   
know what held me back1 and ,i felt so  
sad ,i could hardly keep from crying2   
then ,i remembered having heard that one
 obtains all the favours asked for on   
one's ,first ,communion ,day4 ,this     
thought consoled me immediately1 and    
though ,i was only six years old at the 
time1 ,i said to myself3 ,i will pray   
for my poor old man on the day of my    

,first ,communion4 ,five years later ,i 
faithfully kept my resolution4 ,i have  
always thought that my childish prayer  
for this suffering member of ,christ has
 been blessed and rewarded4  ,as ,i grew
 older my love of ,god grew more and    
more4 ,i often offered my heart to ,him1
 using the words my ,mother had taught  
me1 and ,i tried very hard to please    
,him in all my actions1 taking great    
care never to offend ,him4 ,and yet one 
day ,i committed a fault which ,i must  
tell you here--it gives me a good       
opportunity of humbling myself1 though  
,i believe ,i have grieved over it with 
perfect contrition4  ,it was the month  
of ,may1 #ahgh4 ,my sisters decided that
 ,i was too small to go to the ,may     
devotions every evening1 so ,i stayed at
 home with the nurse and said my prayers
 with her before the little altar which 
,i had arranged according to my own     
taste4 ,everything was                  
small--candlesticks1 vases1 and the     
rest2 two wax vestas were quite         

sufficient to light it up properly4     
,sometimes ,victoire1 the maid1 gave me 
some little bits of real candle1 but not
 often4  ,one evening1 when we went to  
our prayers1 ,i said to her3 ,will you  
begin the ,memorare8 ,i am going to     
light the candles4 ,she tried to begin1 
and then looked at me and burst out     
laughing4 ,seeing my precious vestas    
burning quickly away1 ,i begged her once
 more to say the ,memorare4 ,again there
 was silence1 broken only by bursts of  
laughter4 ,all my natural good temper   
deserted me4 ,i got up feeling          
dreadfully angry1 and1 stamping my foot 
furiously1 ,i cried out3 ,victoire1 you 
naughty girl6 ,she stopped laughing at  
once1 and looked at me in utter         
astonishment1 then showed me--too       
late--the surprise she had in store     
hidden under her apron--two pieces of   
candle4 ,my tears of anger were soon    
changed into tears of sorrow2 ,i was    
very much ashamed and grieved1 and made 
a firm resolution never to act in such a

 way again4  ,shortly after this ,i made
 my first confession4#c ,it is a very   
sweet memory4 ,pauline had warned me3   
,thrse1 darling1 it is not to a man but 
to ,god ,himself that you are going to  
tell your sins4 ,i was so persuaded of  
this that ,i asked her quite seriously  
if ,i should not tell ,father ,ducellier
 that ,i loved him with my whole heart1 
as it was really ,god ,i was going to   
speak to in his person4  ,well          
instructed as to what ,i was to do1 ,i  
entered the confessional1 and turning   
round to the priest1 so as to see him   
better1 ,i made my confession and       
received absolution in a spirit of      
lively faith--my sister having assured  
me that at this solemn moment the tears 
of the ,holy ,child ,jesus would purify 
my soul4 ,i remember well that he       
exhorted me above all to a tender       
devotion towards ,our ,lady1 and ,i     
promised to redouble my love for her who
 already filled so large a place in my  
heart4 ,then ,i passed him my ,rosary to

 be blessed1 and came out of the        
,confessional more joyful and           
lighthearted than ,i had ever felt      
before4 ,it was evening1 and as soon as 
,i got to a street lamp ,i stopped and  
took the newly blessed ,rosary out of my
 pocket1 turning it over and over4 ,what
 are you looking at1 ,thrse1 dear8 asked
 ,pauline4 ,i am seeing what a blessed  
,rosary looks like4 ,this childish      
answer amused my sisters very much4 ,i  
was deeply impressed by the graces ,i   
had received1 and wished to go to       
confession again for all the big feasts1
 for these confessions filled me with   
joy4 ,the feasts6 ,what precious        
memories these simple words bring to me4
 ,i loved them2 and my sisters knew so  
well how to explain the mysteries hidden
 in each one4 ,those days of earth      
became days of ,heaven4 ,above all ,i   
loved the procession of the ,blessed    
,sacrament3 what a joy it was to strew  
flowers in ,god's path6 ,but before     
scattering them on the ground ,i threw  

them high in the air1 and was never so  
happy as when ,i saw my rose-leaves     
touch the sacred ,monstrance4  ,and if  
the great feasts came but seldom1 each  
week brought one very dear to my heart1 
and that was ,sunday4 ,what a glorious  
day6 ,the ,feast of ,god6 ,the day of   
rest6 ,first of all the whole family    
went to ,high ,mass1 and ,i remember    
that before the sermon we had to come   
down from our places1 which were some   
way from the pulpit1 and find seats in  
the nave4 ,this was not always easy1 but
 to little ,thrse and her ,father       
everyone offered a place4 ,my uncle was 
delighted when he saw us come down2 he  
called me his ,sunbeam1 and said that to
 see the venerable old man leading his  
little daughter by the hand was a sight 
which always filled him with joy4 ,i    
never troubled myself if people looked  
at me1 ,i was only occupied in listening
 attentively to the preacher4 ,a sermon 
on the ,passion of our ,blessed ,lord   
was the first ,i understood1 and it     

touched me deeply4 ,i was then five and 
a half1 and after that time ,i was able 
to understand and appreciate all        
instructions4 ,if ,st4 ,teresa was      
mentioned1 my ,father would bend down   
and whisper to me3 ,listen attentively1 
little ,queen1 he is speaking of your   
holy patroness4 ,i really did listen    
attentively1 but ,i must own ,i looked  
at ,papa more than at the preacher1 for 
,i read many things in his face4        
,sometimes his eyes were filled with    
tears which he strove in vain to keep   
back2 and as he listened to the eternal 
truths he seemed no longer of this      
earth1 his soul was absorbed in the     
thought of another world4 ,alas6 ,many  
long and sorrowful years had to pass    
before ,heaven was to be opened to him1 
and ,our ,lord with ,his ,own ,divine   
,hand was to wipe away the bitter tears 
of ,his faithful servant4  ,to go back  
to the description of our ,sundays4     
,this happy day which passed so quickly 
had also its touch of melancholy2 my    

happiness was full till ,compline1 but  
after that a feeling of sadness took    
possession of me4 ,i thought of the     
morrow when one had to begin again the  
daily life of work and lessons1 and my  
heart1 feeling like an exile on this    
earth1 longed for the repose of         
,heaven--the never ending ,sabbath of   
our true ,home4 ,every ,sunday my aunt  
invited us in turns to spend the evening
 with her4 ,i was always glad when mine 
came1 and it was a pleasure to listen to
 my uncle's conversation4 ,his talk was 
serious1 but it interested me1 and he   
little knew that ,i paid such attention2
 but my joy was not unmixed with fear   
when he took me on his knee and sang    
,bluebeard in his deep voice4  ,about   
eight o'clock ,papa would come to fetch 
me4 ,i remember that ,i used to look up 
at the stars with inexpressible delight4
 ,orion's belt fascinated me especially1
 for ,i saw in it a likeness to the     
letter ,t4 ,look1 ,papa1 ,i would cry1  
my name is written in ,heaven6 ,then1   

not wishing to see this dull earth any  
longer1 ,i asked him to lead me1 and    
with my head thrown back1 ,i gazed      
unweariedly at the starry skies4  ,i    
could tell you much about our winter    
evenings at home4 ,after a game of      
draughts my sisters read aloud ,dom     
,guranger's ,liturgical ,year1 and then 
a few pages of some other interesting   
and instructive book4 ,while this was   
going on ,i established myself on       
,papa's knee1 and when the reading was  
done he used to sing soothing snatches  
of melody in his beautiful voice1 as if 
to lull me to sleep1 and ,i would lay my
 head on his breast while he rocked me  
gently to and fro4  ,later on we went   
upstairs for night prayers1 and there   
again my place was beside my beloved    
,father1 and ,i had only to look at him 
to know how the ,saints pray4 ,pauline  
put me to bed1 and ,i invariably asked  
her3 ,have ,i been good to-day8 ,is ,god
 pleased with me8 ,will the ,angels     
watch over me8 ,the answer was always   

,yes1 otherwise ,i should have spent the
 whole night in tears4 ,after these     
questions my sisters kissed me1 and     
little ,thrse was left alone in the     
dark4  ,i look on it as a real grace    
that from childhood ,i was taught to    
overcome my fears4 ,sometimes in the    
evening ,pauline would send me to fetch 
something from a distant room2 she would
 take no refusal1 and she was quite     
right1 for otherwise ,i should have     
become very nervous1 whereas now it is  
difficult to frighten me4 ,i wonder     
sometimes how my little ,mother was able
 to bring me up with so much tenderness1
 and yet without spoiling me1 for she   
did not pass over the least fault4 ,it  
is true she never scolded me without    
cause1 and ,i knew well she would never 
change her mind when once a thing was   
decided upon4  ,to this dearly loved    
sister ,i confided my most intimate     
thoughts2 she cleared up all my doubts4 
,one day ,i expressed surprise that ,god
 does not give an equal amount of glory 

to all the elect in ,heaven--,i was     
afraid that they would not all be quite 
happy4 ,she sent me to fetch ,papa's big
 tumbler1 and put it beside my tiny     
thimble1 then1 filling both with water1 
she asked me which seemed the fuller4 ,i
 replied that one was as full as the    
other--it was impossible to pour more   
water into either of them1 for they     
could not hold it4 ,in this way ,pauline
 made it clear to me that in ,heaven the
 least of the ,blessed does not envy the
 happiness of the greatest2 and so1 by  
bringing the highest mysteries down to  
the level of my understanding1 she gave 
my soul the food it needed4  ,joyfully  
each year ,i welcomed the prize day4    
,though ,i was the only competitor1     
justice was none the less strictly      
observed1 and ,i never received rewards 
unless they were well merited4 ,my heart
 used to beat with excitement when ,i   
heard the decisions1 and in presence of 
the whole family received prizes from   
,papa's hands4 ,it was to me like a     

picture of the ,judgment ,day6  ,seeing 
,papa so cheerful1 no suspicion of the  
terrible trials which awaited him       
crossed my mind2 but one day ,god showed
 me1 in an extraordinary vision1 a vivid
 picture of the trouble to come4 ,my    
,father was away on a journey1 and could
 not return as early as usual4 ,it was  
about two or three o'clock in the       
afternoon2 the sun was shining brightly1
 and all the world seemed gay4 ,i was   
alone at the window1 looking on to the  
kitchen garden1 my mind full of cheerful
 thoughts1 when ,i saw before me1 in    
front of the wash-house1 a man dressed  
exactly like ,papa1 of the same height  
and appearance1 but more bent and aged4 
,i say aged1 to describe his general    
appearance1 for ,i did not see his face 
as his head was covered with a thick    
veil4 ,he advanced slowly1 with measured
 step1 along my little garden2 at that  
instant a feeling of supernatural fear  
seized me1 and ,i called out loudly in a
 trembling voice3 ,papa1 ,papa6 ,the    

mysterious person seemed not to hear1 he
 continued his walk without even        
turning1 and went towards a clump of    
firs which grew in the middle of the    
garden4 ,i expected to see him reappear 
at the other side of the big trees1 but 
the prophetic vision had vanished4  ,it 
was all over in a moment1 but it was a  
moment which impressed itself so deeply 
on my memory that even now1 after so    
many years1 the remembrance of it is as 
vivid as the vision itself4  ,my sisters
 were all together in an adjoining room4
 ,hearing me call ,papa6 they were      
frightened themselves1 but ,marie1      
hiding her feelings1 ran to me and said3
 ,why are you calling ,papa1 when he is 
at ,alenon8 ,i told her what ,i had     
seen1 and to reassure me they said that 
,nurse must have covered her head with  
her apron on purpose to frighten me4    
,victoire1 however1 when questioned1    
declared she had not left the           
kitchen--besides1 the truth was too     
deeply impressed on my mind3 ,i had seen

 a man1 and that man was exactly like my
 ,father4 ,we all went to look behind   
the clump of trees1 and1 finding        
nothing1 my sisters told me to think no 
more about it4 ,ah1 that was not in my  
power6 ,often and often my imagination  
brought before me this mysterious       
vision1 often and often ,i tried to     
raise the veil which hid its true       
meaning1 and deep down in my heart ,i   
had a conviction that some day it would 
be fully revealed to me4 ,and you know  
all1 dear ,mother4 ,you know that it was
 really my ,father whom ,god showed me1 
bent by age1 and bearing on his         
venerable face and his white head the   
symbol of his terrible trial4#d  ,as the
 ,adorable ,face of ,jesus was veiled   
during ,his ,passion1 so it was fitting 
that the face of ,his humble servant    
should be veiled during the days of his 
humiliation1 in order that it might     
shine with greater brilliancy in        
,heaven4 ,how ,i admire ,god's ways6 ,he
 showed us this precious cross          

beforehand1 as a father shows his       
children the glorious future he is      
preparing for them--a future which will 
bring them an inheritance of priceless  
treasures4  ,but a thought comes into my
 mind3 ,why did ,god give this light to 
a child who1 if she had understood it1  
would have died of grief8 ,why8 ,here is
 one of those incomprehensible mysteries
 which we shall only understand in      
,heaven1 where they will be the subject 
of our eternal admiration4 ,my ,god1 how
 good ,thou art6 ,how well dost ,thou   
suit the trial to our strength6  ,at    
that time ,i had not courage even to    
think that ,papa could die1 without     
being terrified4 ,one day he was        
standing on a high step-ladder1 and as  
,i was close by he called out3 ,move    
away1 little ,queen2 if ,i fall ,i shall
 crush you4 ,instantly ,i felt an inward
 shock1 and1 going still nearer to the  
ladder1 ,i thought3 ,at least if ,papa  
falls ,i shall not have the pain of     
seeing him die1 for ,i shall die with   

him4 ,i could never say how much ,i     
loved him4 ,i admired everything he did4
 ,when he explained his ideas on serious
 matters1 as if ,i were a big girl1 ,i  
answered him navely3 ,it is quite       
certain1 ,papa1 that if you spoke like  
that to the great men who govern the    
country they would take you and make you
 ,king4 ,then ,france would be happier  
than it was ever been2 but you would be 
unhappy1 because that is the lot of     
kings2 besides you would no longer be my
 ,king alone1 so ,i am glad that they do
 not know you4  ,when ,i was six or     
seven years old ,i saw the sea for the  
first time4 ,the sight made a deep      
impression on me1 ,i could not take my  
eyes off it4 ,its majesty1 and the roar 
of the waves1 all spoke to my soul of   
the greatness and power of ,god4 ,i     
remember1 when we were on the beach1 a  
man and woman looked at me for a long   
time1 then1 asking ,papa if ,i was his  
child1 they remarked that ,i was a very 
pretty little girl4 ,papa at once made a

 sign to them not to flatter me2 ,i was 
delighted to hear what they said1 for ,i
 did not think ,i was pretty4 ,my       
sisters were most careful never to talk 
before me in such a way as to spoil my  
simplicity and childish innocence2 and1 
because ,i believed so implicitly in    
them1 ,i attached little importance to  
the admiration of these people and      
thought no more about it4  ,that evening
 at the hour when the sun seems to sink 
into the vast ocean1 leaving behind it a
 trail of glory1 ,i sat with ,pauline on
 a bare rock1 and gazed for long on this
 golden furrow which she told me was an 
image of grace illumining the way of    
faithful souls here below4 ,then ,i     
pictured my soul as a tiny barque1 with 
a graceful white sail1 in the midst of  
the furrow1 and ,i resolved never to let
 it withdraw from the sight of ,jesus1  
so that it might sail peacefully and    
quickly towards the ,heavenly ,shore4   
#a ,this holy nun had been professed at 
the ,carmel of ,poitiers1 and was sent  

from there to make the foundation at    
,lisieux in #ahch4 ,her memory is held  
in benediction in both these convents2  
in the sight of ,god she constantly     
practised the most heroic virtue1 and on
 ,december #e1 #ahia1 crowned a life of 
good works by a holy death4 ,she was    
then eighty-six years of age4  #b ,this 
house1 an object of deep interest to the
 clients of ,soeur ,thrse1 is much      
frequented by pilgrims to ,lisieux4 ,ed4
  #c ,this first confession was made in 
the beautiful church of ,st4 ,pierre1   
formerly the cathedral of ,lisieux4 ,ed4
  #d ,it seems advisable1 on account of 
the vague allusions which occur here and
 elsewhere1 to state what happened to   
,m4 ,louis ,martin4 ,at the age of      
sixty-six1 having already had several   
partial attacks1 he was struck with     
general paralysis1 and his mind gave way
 altogether4    ,,chapter ,,iii         
,,pauline ,,enters ,,the ,,carmel  ,i   
was eight and a half when ,lonie left   
school1 and ,i took her place at the    

,benedictine ,abbey in ,lisieux4 ,the   
girls of my class were all older than   
myself2 one of them was fourteen1 and1  
though not clever1 she knew how to      
impose on the little ones4 ,seeing me so
 young1 nearly always first in class1   
and a favourite with all the nuns1 she  
was jealous1 and used to pay me out in a
 thousand ways4 ,naturally timid and    
sensitive1 ,i did not know how to defend
 myself1 and could only cry in silence4 
,cline and my elder sisters did not know
 of my grief1 and1 not being advanced   
enough in virtue to rise above these    
troubles1 ,i suffered considerably4     
,every evening ,i went home1 and then my
 spirits rose4 ,i would climb on to     
,papa's knee1 telling him what marks ,i 
had1 and his caresses made me forget all
 my troubles4 ,with what delight ,i     
announced the result of my first essay1 
for ,i won the maximum number of marks4 
,in reward ,i received a silver coin    
which ,i put in my money box for the    
poor1 and nearly every ,thursday ,i was 

able to increase the fund4  ,indeed1 to 
be spoilt was a real necessity for me4  
,the ,little ,flower had need to strike 
its tender roots deeper and deeper into 
the dearly loved garden of home1 for    
nowhere else could it find the          
nourishment it required4 ,thursday was a
 holiday1 but it was not like the       
holidays ,i had under ,pauline1 which ,i
 generally spent upstairs with ,papa4   
,not knowing how to play like other     
children1 ,i felt myself a dull         
companion4 ,i tried my best to do as the
 others did1 but without success4       
,after ,cline1 who was1 so to say1      
indispensable to me1 ,i sought the      
company of my little cousin ,marie1     
because she left me free to choose the  
games ,i liked best4 ,we were already   
closely united in heart and will1 as if 
,god were showing us in advance how one 
day in the ,carmel we should embrace the
 same religious life4#a  ,very often1 at
 my uncle's house1 we used to play at   
being two austere hermits1 with only a  

poor hut1 a little patch of corn1 and a 
garden in which to grow a few           
vegetables4 ,our life was to be spent in
 continual contemplation1 one praying   
while the other engaged in active       
duties4 ,all was done with religious    
gravity and decorum4 ,if we went out1   
the make-believe continued even in the  
street2 the two hermits would say the   
,rosary1 using their fingers to count   
on1 so as not to display their devotion 
before those who might scoff4 ,one day1 
however1 the hermit ,thrse forgot       
herself--before eating a cake1 given her
 for lunch1 she made a large ,sign of   
the ,cross1 and some worldly folk did   
not repress a smile4  ,we were so bent  
on always doing the same thing that     
sometimes we carried it too far4        
,endeavouring one evening1 on our way   
home from school1 to imitate the modest 
demeanour of the hermits1 ,i said to    
,marie3 ,lead me1 ,i am going to shut my
 eyes4 ,so am ,i1 she answered4 ,being  
on the pavement we were in no fear of   

vehicles1 and for a short while all went
 well1 and we enjoyed walking with our  
eyes shut2 but presently we both fell   
over some boxes standing at a shop door 
and knocked them down4 ,the shopkeeper  
came out in a rage to replace them1 but 
the would-be blind pair picked          
themselves up and ran off as fast as    
they could1 with eyes wide open4 ,then  
the hermits had to listen to a          
well-deserved scolding from ,jeanne1 the
 maid1 who seemed as vexed as the       
shopkeeper4  ,i have not yet told you   
how ,cline and ,i altered when we came  
to ,lisieux4 ,she had now become the    
little romp1 full of mischief1 while    
,thrse had turned into a very quiet     
little girl1 far too much inclined to   
tears4 ,i needed a champion1 and who can
 say how courageously my dear little    
sister played that part4 ,we used to    
enjoy making each other little presents1
 for1 at that age1 the simplicity of our
 hearts was unspoiled4 ,like the spring 
flowers they unfolded1 glad to receive  

the morning dew1 while the same soft    
breezes swayed their petals4 ,yes1 our  
joys were mutual4 ,i felt this          
especially on the happy day of ,cline's 
,first ,communion2 ,i was only seven    
years old1 and had not yet begun school 
at the ,abbey4 ,how sweet is the        
remembrance of her preparation6 ,every  
evening during its last weeks my sisters
 talked to her of the great event4 ,i   
listened1 eager to prepare myself too1  
and my heart swelled with grief when ,i 
was told to go away because ,i was still
 too young4 ,i thought that four years  
was not too long to spend in making     
ready to receive ,our dear ,lord4 ,one  
evening ,i heard someone say to my happy
 little sister3 ,from the time of your  
,first ,communion you must begin an     
entirely new life4 ,at once ,i made a   
resolution not to wait till the time of 
my ,first ,communion1 but to begin with 
,cline4 ,during her retreat she remained
 as a boarder at the ,abbey1 and it     
seemed to me she was away a long time2  

but at last the happy day came4 ,what a 
delightful impression it has left on my 
mind--it was like a foretaste of my own 
,first ,communion6 ,how many graces ,i  
received that day6 ,i look on it as one 
of the most beautiful of my life4  ,i   
have gone back a little in order to     
recall these happy memories2 but now ,i 
must tell you of the mournful parting   
which crushed my heart when ,our ,lord  
took from me my little ,mother whom ,i  
loved so dearly4 ,i told her once that  
,i would like to go away with her to a  
far-off desert2 she replied that it was 
her wish too1 but that she was waiting  
till ,i was big enough to set out4 ,this
 impossible promise ,i took in earnest1 
and what was my grief when ,i heard     
,pauline talking to ,marie about soon   
entering the ,carmel6 ,i did not know   
the ,carmel2 but ,i knew that she was   
leaving me to enter a convent1 and that 
she would not wait for me4  ,how can ,i 
describe the anguish ,i suffered6 ,in a 
flash ,i saw life spread out before me  

as it really is1 full of sufferings and 
frequent partings1 and ,i shed bitter   
tears4 ,at that time ,i did not know the
 joy of sacrifice2 ,i was weak--so weak 
that ,i look on it as a great grace that
 ,i was able to bear such a trial1 one  
seemingly so much beyond my             
strength--and yet live4 ,i shall never  
forget how tenderly my little ,mother   
consoled me1 while explaining the       
religious life4 ,then one evening1 when 
,i was thinking over the picture she had
 drawn1 ,i felt that the ,carmel was the
 desert where ,god wished me also to    
hide4 ,i felt this so strongly that ,i  
had not the least doubt about it2 nor   
was it a childish dream1 but the        
certainty of a ,divine ,call4 ,this     
impression1 which ,i cannot properly    
describe1 left me with a feeling of     
great inward peace4  ,next day ,i       
confided my desires to ,pauline4 ,they  
seemed to her as a proof of ,god's      
,will1 and she promised to take me soon 
to the ,carmel1 to see the ,mother      

,prioress and to tell her my secret4    
,this solemn visit was fixed for a      
certain ,sunday1 and great was my       
embarrassment on hearing that my cousin 
,marie--who was still young enough to be
 allowed to see the ,carmelites--was to 
come with us4#b  ,i had to contrive a   
means of being alone with the ,reverend 
,mother1 and this is what ,i planned4 ,i
 told ,marie1 that1 as we were to have  
the great privilege of seeing her1 we   
must be very good and polite1 and tell  
her our little secrets1 and in order to 
do that1 we must go out of the room in  
turns4 ,though she did not quite like   
it1 because she had no secrets to       
confide1 ,marie took me at my word1 and 
so ,i was able to be alone with you1    
dear ,mother4 ,you listened to my great 
disclosure1 and believed in my vocation1
 but you told me that postulants were   
not received at the age of nine1 and    
that ,i must wait till ,i was sixteen4  
,in spite of my ardent desire to enter  
with ,pauline and make my ,first        

,communion on her clothing day1 ,i had  
to be resigned4  ,at last the #bnd of   
,october came--a day of tears1 but also 
of blessings1 when ,our ,lord gathered  
the first of ,his flowers1 the chosen   
flower who1 later on1 was to become the 
,mother of her sisters4#c ,whilst ,papa1
 with my uncle and ,marie1 climbed the  
mountain of ,carmel to offer his first  
sacrifice1 my aunt took me to ,mass1    
with my sisters and cousins4 ,we were   
bathed in tears1 and people gazed at us 
in astonishment when we entered the     
church1 but that did not stop our       
crying4 ,i even wondered how the sun    
could go on shining4 ,perhaps1 dear     
,mother1 you think ,i exaggerate my     
grief a little4 ,i confess that this    
parting ought not to have upset me so   
much1 but my soul was yet far from      
mature1 and ,i had to pass through many 
trials before reaching the haven of     
peace1 before tasting the delicious     
fruits of perfect love and of complete  
abandonment to ,god's ,will4  ,in the   

afternoon of that ,october day1 #ahhb1  
behind the grating of the ,carmel1 ,i   
saw my beloved ,pauline1 now become     
,sister ,agnes of ,jesus4 ,oh1 how much 
,i suffered in that parlour6 ,as ,i am  
writing the story of my soul1 it seems  
to me that ,i ought to tell you         
everything4 ,well1 ,i acknowledge that  
,i hardly counted the first pains of    
this parting1 in comparison with those  
which followed4 ,i1 who had been        
accustomed to talk with my little       
,mother of all that was in my heart1    
could now scarcely snatch two or three  
minutes with her at the end of the      
family visits2 even these short minutes 
were passed in tears1 and ,i went away  
with my heart torn with grief4  ,i did  
not realise that it was impossible to   
give us each half an hour1 and that of  
course ,papa and ,marie must have the   
largest share4 ,i could not understand  
all this1 and ,i said from the depths of
 my heart3 ,pauline is lost to me4      
,this suffering so affected me that ,i  

soon became seriously ill4 ,the illness 
was undoubtedly the work of the devil1  
who1 in his fury at this first entry    
into the ,carmel1 tried to avenge       
himself on me for the great harm my     
family was to do him in the future4     
,however1 he little knew that the ,queen
 of ,heaven was watching faithfully over
 her ,little ,flower1 that she was      
smiling upon it from on high1 ready to  
still the tempest just when the delicate
 and fragile stalk was in danger of     
being broken once and for all4 ,at the  
close of the year #ahhb ,i began to     
suffer from constant headaches2 they    
were bearable1 however1 and did not     
prevent me from continuing my studies4  
,this lasted till the ,easter of #ahhc4 
,just then ,papa went to ,paris with my 
elder sisters1 and confided ,cline and  
me to the care of our uncle and aunt4   
,one evening ,i was alone with my uncle1
 and he talked so tenderly of my ,mother
 and of bygone days that ,i was deeply  
moved and began to cry4 ,my             

sensitiveness touched him too2 he was   
surprised that one of my age should feel
 as ,i did4 ,so he determined to do all 
he could to divert my mind during the   
holidays4  ,but ,god had decided        
otherwise4 ,that very evening my        
headache became acute1 and ,i was seized
 with a strange shivering which lasted  
all night4 ,my aunt1 like a real mother1
 never left me for a moment2 all through
 my illness she lavished on me the most 
tender and devoted care4 ,you may       
imagine my poor ,father's grief when he 
returned from ,paris to find me in this 
hopeless state2 he thought ,i was going 
to die1 but ,our ,lord might have said  
to him3 ,this sickness is not unto      
death1 but for the glory of ,god4#d     
,yes1 ,god was glorified by means of    
this trial1 by the wonderful resignation
 of my ,father and sisters4 ,and to     
,marie especially what suffering it     
brought1 and how grateful ,i am to this 
dear sister6 ,she seemed to divine my   
wants by instinct1 for a mother's heart 

is more knowing than the science of the 
most skilful doctors4  ,and now         
,pauline's clothing day was drawing     
near2 but1 fearing to distress me1 no   
one dared mention it in my presence1    
since it was taken for granted that ,i  
should not be well enough to be there4  
,deep down in my heart1 however1 ,i     
firmly believed that ,god would give me 
the consolation of seeing dear ,pauline 
on that day4 ,i was quite sure that this
 feast would be unclouded2 ,i knew that 
,our ,lord would not try ,his ,spouse by
 depriving her of my presence1 she had  
already suffered so much on account of  
my illness4 ,and so it turned out4 ,i   
was there1 able to embrace my dear      
little ,mother1 to sit on her knee1 and1
 hiding myself under her veil1 to       
receive her loving caresses4 ,i was able
 to feast my eyes upon her--she looked  
so lovely in her veil and mantle of     
white4 ,truly it was a day of happiness 
in the midst of heavy trials2 but this  
day1 or rather this hour1 passed only   

too quickly1 and soon we were in the    
carriage which was to take us away from 
the ,carmel4 ,on reaching home ,i was   
made to lie down1 though ,i did not feel
 at all tired2 but next day ,i had a    
serious relapse1 and became so ill that1
 humanly speaking1 there was no hope of 
any recovery4  ,i do not know how to    
describe this extraordinary illness4 ,i 
said things which ,i had never thought  
of2 ,i acted as though ,i were forced to
 act in spite of myself2 ,i seemed      
nearly always to be delirious2 and yet  
,i feel certain that ,i was never1 for a
 minute1 deprived of my reason4         
,sometimes ,i remained in a state of    
extreme exhaustion for hours together1  
unable to make the least movement1 and  
yet1 in spite of this extraordinary     
torpor1 hearing the least whisper4 ,i   
remember it still4 ,and what fears the  
devil inspired6 ,i was afraid of        
everything2 my bed seemed to be         
surrounded by frightful precipices2     
nails in the wall took the terrifying   

appearance of long fingers1 shrivelled  
and blackened with fire1 making me cry  
out in terror4 ,one day1 while ,papa    
stood looking at me in silence1 the hat 
in his hand was suddenly transformed    
into some horrible shape1 and ,i was so 
frightened that he went away sobbing4   
,but if ,god allowed the devil to       
approach me in this open way1 ,angels   
too were sent to console and strengthen 
me4 ,marie never left me1 and never     
showed the least trace of weariness in  
spite of all the trouble ,i gave        
her--for ,i could not rest when she was 
away4 ,during meals1 when ,victoire took
 care of me1 ,i never ceased calling    
tearfully ,marie6 ,marie6 ,when she     
wanted to go out1 it was only if she    
were going to ,mass or to see ,pauline  
that ,i kept quiet4 ,as for ,lonie and  
my little ,cline1 they could not do     
enough for me4 ,on ,sundays they shut   
themselves up for hours with a poor     
child who seemed almost to have lost her
 reason4 ,my own dear sisters1 how much 

,i made you suffer6 ,my uncle and aunt  
were also devoted to me4 ,my aunt came  
to see me every day1 and brought me many
 little gifts4 ,i could never tell you  
how my love for these dear ones         
increased during this illness4 ,i       
understood better than ever what ,papa  
had so often told us3 ,always remember1 
children1 that your uncle and aunt have 
devoted themselves to you in a way that 
is quite exceptional4 ,in his old age he
 experienced this himself1 and now he   
must bless and protect those who        
lavished upon him such affectionate     
care4#e  ,when my sufferings grew less1 
my great delight was to weave garlands  
of daisies and forget-me-nots for ,our  
,lady's statue4 ,we were in the         
beautiful month of ,may1 when all nature
 is clothed with the flowers of spring2 
the ,little ,flower alone drooped1 and  
seemed as though it had withered for    
ever4 ,yet she too had a shining sun1   
the miraculous statue of the ,queen of  
,heaven4 ,how often did not the ,little 

,flower turn towards this glorious ,sun6
  ,one day ,papa came into my room in   
the deepest distress1 and ,i watched him
 go up to ,marie and give her some      
money1 bidding her write to ,paris1 and 
have a novena of ,masses said at the    
shrine of ,our ,lady of ,victories1#f to
 obtain the cure of his poor little     
,queen4 ,how touching were his faith and
 love6 ,how much ,i longed to get up and
 tell him ,i was cured6 ,alas6 my wishes
 could not work a miracle1 and it needed
 one to restore me to health4 ,yes1 it  
needed a great miracle1 and this was    
wrought by ,our ,lady of ,victories     
herself4  ,one ,sunday1 during the      
novena1 ,marie went into the garden1    
leaving me with ,lonie1 who was reading 
by the window4 ,after a short time ,i   
began to call3 ,marie6 ,marie6 very     
softly4 ,lonie1 accustomed to hear me   
fret like this1 took no notice1 so ,i   
called louder1 until ,marie came back to
 me4 ,i saw her come into the room quite
 well1 but1 for the first time1 ,i      

failed to recognise her4 ,i looked all  
round and glanced anxiously into the    
garden1 still calling3 ,marie6 ,marie6  
,her anguish was perhaps greater than   
mine1 and that was unutterable4 ,at     
last1 after many fruitless efforts to   
make me recognise her1 she whispered a  
few words to ,lonie1 and went away pale 
and trembling4 ,lonie presently carried 
me to the window4 ,there ,i saw the     
garden1 and ,marie walking up and down1 
but still ,i did not recognise her2 she 
came forward1 smiling1 and held out her 
arms to me calling tenderly3 ,thrse1    
dear little ,thrse6 ,this last effort   
failing1 she came in again and knelt in 
tears at the foot of my bed2 turning    
towards the statue of ,our ,lady1 she   
entreated her with the fervour of a     
mother who begs the life of her child   
and will not be refused4 ,lonie and     
,cline joined her1 and that cry of faith
 forced the gates of ,heaven4 ,i too1   
finding no help on earth and nearly dead
 with pain1 turned to my ,heavenly      

,mother1 begging her from the bottom of 
my heart to have pity on me4 ,suddenly  
the statue seemed to come to life and   
grow beautiful1 with a divine beauty    
that ,i shall never find words to       
describe4 ,the expression of ,our       
,lady's face was ineffably sweet1       
tender1 and compassionate2 but what     
touched me to the very depths of my soul
 was her gracious smile4 ,then1 all my  
pain vanished1 two big tears started to 
my eyes and fell silently4 4 4 4  ,they 
were indeed tears of unmixed heavenly   
joy4 ,our ,blessed ,lady has come to me1
 she has smiled at me4 ,how happy ,i am1
 but ,i shall tell no one1 or my        
happiness will leave me6 ,such were my  
thoughts4 ,looking around1 ,i recognised
 ,marie2 she seemed very much overcome1 
and looked lovingly at me1 as though she
 guessed that ,i had just received a    
great grace4  ,indeed her prayers had   
gained me this unspeakable favour--a    
smile from the ,blessed ,virgin6 ,when  
she saw me with my eyes fixed on the    

statue1 she said to herself3 ,thrse is  
cured6 ,and it was true4 ,the ,little   
,flower had come to life again--a bright
 ray from its glorious ,sun had warmed  
and set it free for ever from its cruel 
enemy4 ,the dark winter is past1 the    
rain is over and gone1#g and ,our       
,lady's ,little ,flower gathered such   
strength that five years later it opened
 wide its petals on the fertile mountain
 of ,carmel4  ,as ,i said before1 ,marie
 was convinced that ,our ,blessed ,lady1
 while restoring my bodily health1 had  
granted me some hidden grace4 ,so1 when 
,i was alone with her1 ,i could not     
resist her tender and pressing          
inquiries4 ,i was so astonished to find 
my secret already known1 without my     
having said a word1 that ,i told her    
everything4 ,alas6 as ,i had foreseen1  
my joy was turned into bitterness4 ,for 
four years the remembrance of this grace
 was a cause of real pain to me1 and it 
was only in the blessed sanctuary of    
,our ,lady of ,victories1 at my         

,mother's feet1 that ,i once again found
 peace4 ,there it was restored to me in 
all its fulness1 as ,i will tell you    
later4  ,this is how my joy was changed 
into sadness4 ,when ,marie had heard the
 childish1 but perfectly sincere1       
account of the grace ,i had received1   
she begged my leave to tell them at the 
,carmel1 and ,i did not like to refuse  
her4 ,my first visit there after my     
illness was full of joy at seeing       
,pauline clothed in the habit of ,our   
,lady of ,carmel4 ,it was a happy time  
for us both1 we had so much to say1 we  
had both suffered so much4 ,my heart was
 so full that ,i could hardly speak4    
,you were there1 dear ,mother1 and      
plainly showed your affection for me2 ,i
 saw several other ,sisters too1 and you
 must remember how they questioned me   
about my cure4 ,some asked if ,our ,lady
 was holding the ,infant ,jesus in her  
arms1 others if the ,angels were with   
her1 and so on4 ,all these questions    
distressed and grieved me1 and ,i could 

only make one answer3 ,our ,lady looked 
very beautiful2 ,i saw her come towards 
me and smile4 ,but noticing that the    
nuns thought something quite different  
had happened from what ,i had told them1
 ,i began to persuade myself that ,i had
 been guilty of an untruth4  ,if only ,i
 had kept my secret ,i should have kept 
my happiness also4 ,but ,our ,lady      
allowed this trouble to befall me for   
the good of my soul2 perhaps without it 
vanity would have crept into my heart1  
whereas now ,i was humbled1 and ,i      
looked on myself with feelings of       
contempt4 ,my ,god1 ,thou alone knowest 
all that ,i suffered6   #a ,marie ,gurin
 entered the ,carmel at ,lisieux on     
,august #ae1 #ahie1 and took the name of
 ,sister ,mary of the ,eucharist4 ,she  
died on ,april #ad1 #aije1 aged         
thirty-four4  #b ,with the ,carmelites  
the grating is only opened for near     
relatives and very young children4 ,ed4 
#c ,pauline has several times been      
,prioress of the ,carmel of ,lisieux1   

and in #aiji again succeeded to that    
office on the death of the young and    
saintly ,mother ,mary of ,st4 ,angelus  
of the ,child ,jesus4 ,ed4  #d ,john    
#aa3d4  #e ,mme4 ,gurin died holily on  
,february #ac1 #aijj1 aged fifty-two4   
,during her illness ,thrse assisted her 
in an extraordinary way1 several times  
making her presence felt4 ,monsieur     
,gurin1 having for many years used his  
pen in defence of the ,church1 and his  
fortune in the support of good works1   
died a beautiful death on ,september    
#bh1 #aiji1 in his sixty-ninth year4    
,ed4  #f ,it was in this small          
church--once deserted and to-day perhaps
 the most frequented in ,paris--that the
 saintly ,abb ,desgenettes was inspired 
by ,our ,lady1 in #ahcf1 to establish   
the ,confraternity of the ,immaculate   
,heart of ,mary for the conversion of   
sinners4 ,ed4  #g ,cant4 #b3aa4         
,,chapter ,,iv ,,first ,,communion ,,and
 ,,confirmation  ,while describing this 
visit to the ,carmel1 my thoughts are   

carried back to the first one which ,i  
paid after ,pauline entered4 ,on the    
morning of that happy day1 ,i wondered  
what name would be given to me later on4
 ,i knew that there was already a       
,sister ,teresa of ,jesus2 nevertheless1
 my beautiful name of ,thrse could not  
be taken from me4 ,suddenly ,i thought  
of the ,child ,jesus whom ,i loved so   
dearly1 and ,i felt how much ,i should  
like to be called ,teresa of the ,child 
,jesus4 ,i was careful not to tell you  
of my wish1 dear ,mother1 yet you said  
to me1 in the middle of our             
conversation3 ,when you come to us1     
little one1 you will be called ',teresa 
of the ,child ,jesus4' ,my joy was great
 indeed4 ,this happy coincidence of     
thought seemed a special favour from the
 ,holy ,child4  ,so far ,i have not said
 anything about my love for pictures and
 books1 and yet ,i owe some of the      
happiest and strongest impressions which
 have encouraged me in the practice of  
virtue to the beautiful pictures        

,pauline used to show me4 ,everything   
was forgotten while looking at them4    
,for instance1 ,the ,little ,flower of  
the ,divine ,prisoner suggested so many 
thoughts that ,i would remain gazing at 
it in a kind of ecstasy4 ,i offered     
myself to ,our ,lord to be ,his ,little 
,flower2 ,i longed to console ,him1 to  
draw as near as possible to the         
,tabernacle1 to be looked on1 cared for1
 and gathered by ,him4  ,as ,i was of no
 use at games1 ,i should have preferred 
to spend all my time in reading4        
,happily for me1 ,i had visible guardian
 angels to guide me in this matter2 they
 chose books suitable to my age1 which  
interested me and at the same time      
provided food for my thoughts and       
affections4 ,i was only allowed a       
limited time for this favourite         
recreation1 and it became an occasion of
 much self-sacrifice1 for as soon as the
 time had elapsed ,i made it my duty to 
stop instantly1 even in the middle of a 
most interesting passage4  ,as to the   

impressions produced on me by these     
books1 ,i must frankly own that1 in     
reading certain tales of chivalry1 ,i   
did not always understand the realities 
of life4 ,and so1 in my admiration of   
the patriotic deeds of the heroines of  
,france1 especially of the ,venerable   
,joan of ,arc1 ,i longed to do what they
 had done4 ,about this time ,i received 
what ,i have looked on as one of the    
greatest graces of my life1 for1 at that
 age1 ,i was not favoured with lights   
from ,heaven1 as ,i am now4  ,our ,lord 
made me understand that the only true   
glory is that which lasts for ever2 and 
that to attain it there is no necessity 
to do brilliant deeds1 but rather to    
hide from the eyes of others1 and even  
from oneself1 so that the left hand     
knows not what the right hand does4#a   
,then1 as ,i reflected that ,i was born 
for great things1 and sought the means  
to attain them1 it was made known to me 
interiorly that my personal glory would 
never reveal itself before the eyes of  

men1 but that it would consist in       
becoming a ,saint4  ,this aspiration may
 very well appear rash1 seeing how      
imperfect ,i was1 and am1 even now1     
after so many years of religious life2  
yet ,i still feel the same daring       
confidence that one day ,i shall become 
a great ,saint4 ,i am not trusting in my
 own merits1 for ,i have none2 but ,i   
trust in ,him ,who is ,virtue and       
,holiness itself4 ,it is ,he alone ,who1
 pleased with my feeble efforts1 will   
raise me to ,himself1 and1 by clothing  
me with ,his merits1 make me a ,saint4  
,at that time ,i did not realise that to
 become one it is necessary to suffer a 
great deal2 but ,god soon disclosed this
 secret to me by means of the trials ,i 
have related4  ,i must now continue my  
story where ,i left off4 ,three months  
after my cure ,papa took me away for a  
change4 ,it was a very pleasant time1   
and ,i began to see something of the    
world4 ,all around me was joy and       
gladness2 ,i was petted1 made much of1  

admired--in fact1 for a whole fortnight 
my path was strewn with flowers4 ,the   
,wise ,man is right when he says3 ,the  
bewitching of vanity overturneth the    
innocent mind4#b ,at ten years of age   
the heart is easily fascinated1 and ,i  
confess that in my case this kind of    
life had its charms4 ,alas6 the world   
knows well how to combine its pleasures 
with the service of ,god4 ,how little it
 thinks of death6 ,and yet death has    
come to many people ,i knew then1 young1
 rich1 and happy4 ,i recall to mind the 
delightful places where they lived1 and 
ask myself where they are now1 and what 
profit they derive to-day from the      
beautiful houses and grounds where ,i   
saw them enjoying all the good things of
 this life1 and ,i reflect that ,all is 
vanity besides loving ,god and serving  
,him alone4#c  ,perhaps ,our ,lord      
wished me to know something of the world
 before ,he paid ,his first visit to my 
soul1 so that ,i might choose more      
deliberately the way in which ,i was to 

follow ,him4  ,i shall always remember  
my ,first ,communion ,day as one of     
unclouded happiness4 ,it seems to me    
that ,i could not have been better      
prepared4 ,do you remember1 dear        
,mother1 the charming little book you   
gave me three months before the great   
day8 ,i found in it a helpful method    
which prepared me gradually and         
thoroughly4 ,it is true ,i had been     
thinking about my ,first ,communion for 
a long time1 but1 as your precious      
manuscript told me1 ,i must stir up in  
my heart fresh transports of love and   
fill it anew with flowers4 ,so1 each day
 ,i made a number of little sacrifices  
and acts of love1 which were to be      
changed into so many flowers3 now       
violets1 another time roses1 then       
cornflowers1 daisies1 or                
forget-me-nots--in a word1 all nature's 
blossoms were to form in me a cradle for
 the ,holy ,child4  ,i had ,marie1 too1 
who took ,pauline's place4 ,every       
evening ,i spent a long time with her1  

listening eagerly to all she said4 ,how 
delightfully she talked to me6 ,i felt  
myself set on fire by her noble1        
generous spirit4 ,as the warriors of old
 trained their children in the          
profession of arms1 so she trained me   
for the battle of life1 and roused my   
ardour by pointing to the victor's      
glorious palm4 ,she spoke1 too1 of the  
imperishable riches which are so easy to
 amass each day1 and of the folly of    
trampling them under foot when one has  
but to stoop and gather them4 ,when she 
talked so eloquently1 ,i was sorry that 
,i was the only one to listen to her    
teaching1 for1 in my simplicity1 it     
seemed to me that the greatest sinners  
would be converted if they but heard    
her1 and that1 forsaking the perishable 
riches of this world1 they would seek   
none but the riches of ,heaven4  ,i     
should have liked at this time to       
practise mental prayer1 but ,marie1     
finding me sufficiently devout1 only let
 me say my vocal prayers4 ,a mistress at

 the ,abbey asked me once what ,i did on
 holidays1 when ,i stayed at home4 ,i   
answered timidly3 ,i often hide myself  
in a corner of my room where ,i can shut
 myself in with the bed curtains1 and   
then ,i think4 ,but what do you think   
about8 said the good nun1 laughing4 ,i  
think about the ,good ,god1 about the   
shortness of life1 and about eternity3  
in a word1 ,i think4 ,my mistress did   
not forget this1 and later on she used  
to remind me of the time when ,i        
thought1 asking me if ,i still thought4 
4 4 4 ,now1 ,i know that ,i was really  
praying1 while my ,divine ,master gently
 instructed me4  ,the three months'     
preparation for ,first ,communion passed
 quickly by2 it was soon time for me to 
begin my retreat1 and1 during it1 ,i    
stayed at the ,abbey4 ,oh1 what a       
blessed retreat it was6 ,i do not think 
that one can experience such joy except 
in a religious house2 there1 with only a
 few children1 it is easy for each one  
to receive special attention4 ,i write  

this in a spirit of filial gratitude2   
our mistresses at the ,abbey showed us a
 true motherly affection4 ,i do not know
 why1 but ,i saw plainly that they      
watched over me more carefully than they
 did over the others4  ,every night the 
first mistress1 carrying her little     
lamp1 opened my bed curtains softly1 and
 kissed me tenderly on the forehead4    
,she showed me such affection that1     
touched by her kindness1 ,i said one    
night3 ,mother1 ,i love you so much that
 ,i am going to tell you a great secret4
 ,then ,i took from under my pillow the 
precious little book you had given me1  
and showed it to her1 my eyes sparkling 
with pleasure4 ,she opened it with care1
 and1 looking through it attentively1   
told me how privileged ,i was4 ,in fact1
 several times during the retreat1 the  
truth came home to me that very few     
motherless children of my age are as    
lovingly cared for as ,i was then4  ,i  
listened most attentively to the        
instructions given us by ,father ,domin1

 and wrote careful notes on them1 but ,i
 did not put down any of my own         
thoughts1 as ,i knew ,i should remember 
them quite well4 ,and so it proved4     
,how happy ,i was to attend ,divine     
,office as the nuns did6 ,i was easily  
distinguished from my companions by a   
large crucifix1 which ,lonie had given  
me1 and which1 like the missionaries1 ,i
 carried in my belt4 ,they thought ,i   
was trying to imitate my ,carmelite     
sister1 and indeed my thoughts did often
 turn lovingly to her4 ,i knew she was  
in retreat too1 not that ,jesus might   
give ,himself to her1 but that she might
 give herself entirely to ,jesus1 and   
this on the same day as ,i made my      
,first ,communion4 ,the time of quiet   
waiting was therefore doubly dear to me4
  ,at last there dawned the most        
beautiful day of all the days of my     
life4 ,how perfectly ,i remember even   
the smallest details of those sacred    
hours6 the joyful awakening1 the        
reverent and tender embraces of my      

mistresses and older companions1 the    
room filled with snow-white frocks1     
where each child was dressed in turn1   
and1 above all1 our entrance into the   
chapel and the melody of the morning    
hymn3 ,o ,altar of ,god1 where the      
,angels are hovering4  ,but ,i would not
 and ,i could not tell you all4 ,some   
things lose their fragrance when exposed
 to the air1 and so1 too1 one's inmost  
thoughts cannot be translated into      
earthly words without instantly losing  
their deep and heavenly meaning4 ,how   
sweet was the first embrace of ,jesus6  
,it was indeed an embrace of love4 ,i   
felt that ,i was loved1 and ,i said3 ,i 
love ,thee1 and ,i give myself to ,thee 
for ever4 ,jesus asked nothing of me1   
and claimed no sacrifice2 for a long    
time ,he and little ,thrse had known and
 understood one another4 ,that day our  
meeting was more than simple            
recognition1 it was perfect union4 ,we  
were no longer two4 ,thrse had          
disappeared like a drop of water lost in

 the immensity of the ocean2 ,jesus     
alone remained--,he was the ,master1 the
 ,king6 ,had not ,thrse asked ,him to   
take away her liberty which frightened  
her8 ,she felt herself so weak and      
frail1 that she wished to be for ever   
united to the ,divine ,strength4  ,and  
then my joy became so intense1 so deep1 
that it could not be restrained2 tears  
of happiness welled up and overflowed4  
,my companions were astonished1 and     
asked each other afterwards3 ,why did   
she cry8 ,had she anything on her       
conscience8 ,no1 it is because neither  
her ,mother nor her dearly loved        
,carmelite sister is here4 ,and no one  
understood that all the joy of ,heaven  
had come down into one heart1 and that  
this heart1 exiled1 weak1 and mortal as 
it was1 could not contain it without    
tears4  ,how could my ,mother's absence 
grieve me on my ,first ,communion ,day8 
,as ,heaven itself dwelt in my soul1 in 
receiving a visit from ,our ,divine     
,lord ,i received one from my dear      

,mother too4 ,nor was ,i crying on      
account of ,pauline's absence1 for we   
were even more closely united than      
before4 ,no1 ,i repeat it--joy alone1 a 
joy too deep for words1 overflowed      
within me4  ,during the afternoon ,i    
read the act of consecration to ,our    
,lady1 for myself and my companions4 ,i 
was chosen probably because ,i had been 
deprived of my earthly ,mother while    
still so young4 ,with all my heart ,i   
consecrated myself to the ,blessed      
,virgin ,mary1 and asked her to watch   
over me4 ,she seemed to look lovingly on
 her ,little ,flower and to smile at her
 again1 and ,i thought of the visible   
smile which had once cured me1 and of   
all ,i owed her4 ,had she not herself1  
on the morning of that #hth of ,may1    
placed in the garden of my soul her ,son
 ,jesus--the ,flower of the field and   
the ,lily of the valleys8#d  ,on the    
evening of this happy day ,papa and ,i  
went to the ,carmel1 and ,i saw         
,pauline1 now become the ,spouse of     

,christ4 ,she wore a white veil like    
mine and a crown of roses4 ,my joy was  
unclouded1 for ,i hoped soon to join    
her1 and at her side to wait for        
,heaven4  ,i was pleased with the feast 
prepared for me at home1 and was        
delighted with the beautiful watch given
 to me by ,papa4 ,my happiness was      
perfect1 and nothing troubled the inward
 peace of my soul4 ,night came1 and so  
ended that beautiful day4 ,even the     
brightest days are followed by darkness2
 one alone will know no setting1 the day
 of the ,first and ,eternal ,communion  
in our true ,home4 ,somehow the next day
 seemed sorrowful4 ,the pretty clothes  
and the presents ,i had received could  
not satisfy me4 ,henceforth ,our ,lord  
alone could fill my heart1 and all ,i   
longed for was the blissful moment when 
,i should receive ,him again4  ,i made  
my second ,communion on ,ascension ,day1
 and had the happiness of kneeling at   
the rails between ,papa and ,marie4 ,my 
tears flowed with inexpressible         

sweetness2 ,i kept repeating those words
 of ,st4 ,paul3 ,i live now1 not ,i2 but
 ,christ liveth in me4#e ,after this    
second visit of ,our ,lord ,i longed for
 nothing else but to receive ,him4      
,alas6 the feasts seemed so far apart4 4
 4 4  ,on the eve of these happy days   
,marie helped me to prepare1 as she had 
done for my ,first ,communion4 ,i       
remember once she spoke of suffering1   
and said that in all probability1       
instead of making me walk by this road1 
,god1 in ,his goodness1 would carry me  
always like a little child4 ,her words  
came into my mind next day after my     
,communion2 my heart became inflamed    
with an ardent desire for suffering1 and
 ,i felt convinced that many crosses    
were in store for me4 ,then my soul was 
flooded with such consolation as ,i have
 never since experienced4 ,suffering    
became attractive1 and ,i found in it   
charms which held me spellbound1 though 
as yet ,i did not appreciate them to the
 full4  ,i had one other great wish2 it 

was to love ,god only1 and to find my   
joy in ,him alone4 ,during my           
thanksgiving after ,holy ,communion ,i  
often repeated this passage from the    
,imitation of ,christ3 ,o my ,god1 who  
art unspeakable sweetness1 turn for me  
into bitterness all the consolations of 
earth4#f ,these words rose to my lips   
quite naturally2 ,i said them like a    
child1 who1 without well understanding1 
repeats what a friend may suggest4      
,later on ,i will tell you1 dear        
,mother1 how ,our ,lord has been pleased
 to fulfill my desire1 how ,he1 and ,he 
alone1 has always been my joy2 but if ,i
 were to speak of it now ,i should have 
to pass on to my girlhood1 and there is 
still much to tell you of my early days4
  ,soon after my ,first ,communion ,i   
went into retreat again1 before being   
confirmed4 ,i prepared myself with the  
greatest care for the coming of the     
,holy ,ghost2 ,i could not understand   
anyone not doing so before receiving    
this ,sacrament of ,love4 ,as the       

ceremony could not take place on the day
 fixed1 ,i had the consolation of       
remaining somewhat longer in retreat4   
,how happy ,i felt6 ,like the ,apostles1
 ,i looked with joy for the promised    
,comforter1 gladdened by the thought    
that ,i should soon be a perfect        
,christan1 and have the holy ,cross1 the
 symbol of this wondrous ,sacrament1    
traced upon my forehead for eternity4 ,i
 did not feel the mighty wind of the    
first ,pentecost1 but rather the gentle 
breeze which the prophet ,elias heard on
 ,mount ,horeb4 ,on that day ,i received
 the gift of fortitude in suffering--a  
gift ,i needed sorely1 for the martyrdom
 of my soul was soon to begin4  ,when   
these delightful feasts1 which can never
 be forgotten1 were over1 ,i had to     
resume my life as a day scholar1 at the 
,abbey4 ,i made good progress with my   
lessons1 and remembered easily the sense
 of what ,i read1 but ,i had the        
greatest difficulty in learning by      
heart2 only at catechism were my efforts

 crowned with success4 ,the ,chaplain   
called me his little ,doctor of         
,theology1#g no doubt because of my     
name1 ,thrse4  ,during recreation ,i    
often gave myself up to serious         
thoughts1 while from a distance ,i      
watched my companions at play4 ,this was
 my favourite occupation1 but ,i had    
another which gave me real pleasure4 ,i 
would search carefully for any poor     
little birds that had fallen dead under 
the big trees1 and ,i then buried them  
with great ceremony1 all in the same    
cemetery1 in a special grass plot4      
,sometimes ,i told stories to my        
companions1 and often even the big girls
 came to listen2 but soon our mistress1 
very rightly1 brought my career as an   
orator to an end1 saying she wanted us  
to exercise our bodies and not our      
brains4 ,at this time ,i chose as       
friends two little girls of my own age2 
but how shallow are the hearts of       
creatures6 ,one of them had to stay at  
home for some months2 while she was away

 ,i thought about her very often1 and on
 her return ,i showed how pleased ,i    
was4 ,however1 all ,i got was a glance  
of indifference--my friendship was not  
appreciated4 ,i felt this very keenly1  
and ,i no longer sought an affection    
which had proved so inconstant4         
,nevertheless ,i still love my little   
school friend1 and continue to pray for 
her1 for ,god has given me a faithful   
heart1 and when once ,i love1 ,i love   
for ever4  ,observing that some of the  
girls were very devoted to one or other 
of the mistresses1 ,i tried to imitate  
them1 but ,i never succeeded in winning 
special favour4 ,o happy failure1 from  
how many evils have you saved me6 ,i am 
most thankful to ,our ,lord that ,he let
 me find only bitterness in earthly     
friendships4 ,with a heart like mine1 ,i
 should have been taken captive and had 
my wings clipped1 and how then should ,i
 have been able to fly away and be at   
rest8#h  ,how can a heart given up to   
human affections be closely united to   

,god8 ,it seems to me that it is        
impossible4 ,i have seen so many souls1 
allured by this false light1 fly right  
into it like poor moths1 and burn their 
wings1 and then return1 wounded1 to ,our
 ,lord1 the ,divine fire which burns and
 does not consume4 ,i know well ,our    
,lord saw that ,i was too weak to be    
exposed to temptation1 for1 without     
doubt1 had the deceitful light of       
created love dazzled my eyes1 ,i should 
have been entirely consumed4 ,where     
strong souls find joy and practise      
detachment faithfully1 ,i only found    
bitterness4 ,no merit1 then1 is due to  
me for not having given up to these     
frail ties1 since ,i was only preserved 
from them by the ,mercy of ,god4 ,i     
fully realised that without ,him ,i     
should have fallen as low as ,st4 ,mary 
,magdalen1 and the ,divine ,master's    
words re-echoed sweetly in my soul4     
,yes1 ,i know that ,to whom less is     
forgiven he loveth less1#i but ,i know  
too that ,our ,lord has forgiven me more

 than ,st4 ,mary ,magdalen4 ,here is an 
example which will1 at any rate1 show   
you some of my thoughts4  ,let us       
suppose that the son of a very clever   
doctor1 stumbling over a stone on the   
road1 falls and breaks his leg4 ,his    
father hastens to him1 lifts him        
lovingly1 and binds up the fractured    
limb1 putting forth all his skill4 ,the 
son1 when cured1 displays the utmost    
gratitude1 and he has excellent reason  
for doing so4 ,but let us take another  
supposition4  ,the father1 aware that a 
dangerous stone lies in his son's path1 
is beforehand with the danger and       
removes it1 unseen by anyone4 ,the son1 
thus tenderly cared for1 not knowing of 
the mishap from which his father's hand 
has saved him1 naturally will not show  
him any gratitude1 and will love him    
less than if he had cured him of a      
grievous wound4 ,but suppose he heard   
the whole truth1 would he not in that   
case love him still more8 ,well now1 ,i 
am this child1 the object of the        

foreseeing love of a ,father ,who did   
not send ,his son to call the just1 but 
sinners4#aj ,he wishes me to love ,him1 
because ,he has forgiven me1 not much1  
but everything4 ,without waiting for me 
to love ,him much1 as ,st4 ,mary        
,magdalen did1 ,he has made me          
understand how ,he has loved me with an 
ineffable love and forethought1 so that 
now my love may know no bounds4  ,i had 
often heard it said1 both in retreats   
and elsewhere1 that ,he is more deeply  
loved by repentant souls than by those  
who have not lost their baptismal       
innocence4 ,ah6 ,if ,i could but give   
the lie to those words4 4 4 4  ,but ,i  
have wandered so far from my subject    
that ,i hardly know where to begin      
again4 ,it was during the retreat before
 my second ,communion that ,i was       
attacked by the terrible disease of     
scruples4 ,one must have passed through 
this martyrdom to understand it4 ,it    
would be quite impossible for me to tell
 you what ,i suffered for nearly two    

years4 ,all my thoughts and actions1    
even the simplest1 were a source of     
trouble and anguish to me2 ,i had no    
peace till ,i had told ,marie           
everything1 and this was most painful1  
since ,i imagined ,i was obliged to tell
 absolutely all my thoughts1 even the   
most extravagant4 ,as soon as ,i had    
unburdened myself ,i felt a momentary   
peace1 but it passed like a flash1 and  
my martyrdom began again4 ,many an      
occasion for patience did ,i provide for
 my dear sister4  ,that year we spent a 
fortnight of our holidays at the        
sea-side4 ,my aunt1 who always showed us
 such motherly care1 treated us to all  
possible pleasures--donkey rides1       
shrimping1 and the rest4 ,she even      
spoiled us in the matter of clothes4 ,i 
remember one day she gave me some pale  
blue ribbon2 although ,i was twelve and 
a half1 ,i was still such a child that  
,i quite enjoyed tying it in my hair4   
,but this childish pleasure seemed      
sinful to me1 and ,i had so many        

scruples that ,i had to go to           
,confession1 even at ,trouville4  ,while
 ,i was there ,i had an experience which
 did me good4 ,my cousin ,marie often   
suffered from sick headaches4 ,on these 
occasions my aunt used to fondle her and
 coax her with the most endearing names1
 but the only response was continual    
tears and the unceasing cry3 ,my head   
aches6 ,i had a headache nearly every   
day1 though ,i did not say so2 but one  
evening ,i thought ,i would imitate     
,marie4 ,so ,i sat down in an armchair  
in a corner of the room1 and set to work
 to cry4 ,my aunt1 as well as my cousin 
,jeanne1 to whom ,i was very devoted1   
hastened to me to know what was the     
matter4 ,i answered like ,marie3 ,my    
head aches4 ,it would seem that         
complaining was not in my line2 no one  
would believe that a headache was the   
reason of my tears4 ,instead of petting 
me as usual1 my aunt spoke to me        
seriously4 ,even ,jeanne reproached me1 
very kindly it is true1 and was grieved 

at my want of simplicity and trust in my
 aunt4 ,she thought ,i had a big        
scruple1 and was not giving the real    
reason of my tears4 ,at last1 getting   
nothing for my pains1 ,i made up my mind
 not to imitate other people any more4  
,i thought of the fable of the ass and  
the little dog2 ,i was the ass1 who1    
seeing that the little dog got all the  
petting1 put his clumsy hoof on the     
table to try and secure his share4 ,if  
,i did not have a beating like the poor 
beast1 at any rate ,i got what ,i       
deserved--a severe lesson1 which cured  
me once for all of the desire to attract
 attention4  ,i must go back now to the 
subject of my scruples4 ,they made me so
 ill that ,i was obliged to leave school
 when ,i was thirteen4 ,in order to     
continue my education1 ,papa took me    
several times a week to a lady who was  
an excellent teacher4 ,her lessons      
served the double purpose of instructing
 me and making me associate with other  
people4  ,visitors were often shown into

 the old-fashioned room where ,i sat    
with my books and exercises4 ,as far as 
possible my teacher's mother carried on 
the conversation1 but still ,i did not  
learn much while it lasted4 ,seemingly  
absorbed in my book1 ,i could hear many 
things it would have been better for me 
not to hear4 ,one lady said ,i had      
beautiful hair2 another asked1 as she   
left1 who was that pretty little girl4  
,such remarks1 the more flattering      
because ,i was not meant to hear them1  
gave me a feeling of pleasure which     
showed plainly that ,i was full of      
self-love4  ,i am very sorry for souls  
who lose themselves in this way4 ,it is 
so easy to go astray in the seductive   
paths of the world4 ,without doubt1 for 
a soul somewhat advanced in virtue1 the 
sweetness offered by the world is       
mingled with bitterness1 and the immense
 void of its desires cannot be filled by
 the flattery of a moment2 but ,i       
repeat1 if my heart had not been lifted 
up towards ,god from the first moment of

 consciousness1 if the world had smiled 
on me from the beginning of my life1    
what should ,i have become8 ,dearest    
,mother1 with what a grateful heart do  
,i sing the ,mercies of the ,lord6 ,has 
,he not1 according to the words of ,holy
 ,wisdom1 taken me away from the world  
lest wickedness should alter my         
understanding1 or deceit beguile my     
soul8#aa  ,meanwhile ,i resolved to     
consecrate myself in a special way to   
,our ,blessed ,lady1 and ,i begged to be
 enrolled among the ,children of        
,mary4#ab ,to gain this favour ,i had to
 go twice a week to the ,convent1 and ,i
 must confess this cost me something1 ,i
 was so shy4 ,there was no question of  
the affection ,i felt towards my        
mistresses1 but1 as ,i said before1 ,i  
had no special friend among them1 with  
whom ,i could have spent many hours like
 other old pupils4 ,so ,i worked in     
silence till the end of the lesson1 and 
then1 as no one took any notice of me1  
,i went to the tribune in the ,chapel   

till ,papa came to fetch me home4 ,here1
 during this silent visit1 ,i found my  
one consolation--for was not ,jesus my  
only ,friend8 ,to ,him alone could ,i   
open my heart2 all conversation with    
creatures1 even on holy subjects1       
wearied me4 ,it is true that in these   
periods of loneliness ,i sometimes felt 
sad1 and ,i used often to console myself
 by repeating this line of a beautiful  
poem ,papa had taught me3 ,time is thy  
barque1 and not thy dwelling-place4     
,young as ,i was1 these words restored  
my courage1 and even now1 in spite of   
having outgrown many pious impressions  
of childhood1 the symbol of a ship      
always delights me and helps me to bear 
the exile of this life4 ,does not the   
,wise ,man tell us--,life is like a ship
 that passeth through the waves3 when it
 is gone by1 the trace thereof cannot be
 found8#ac  ,when my thoughts run on in 
this way1 my soul loses itself as it    
were in the infinite2 ,i seem already to
 touch the ,heavenly ,shore and to      

receive ,our ,lord's embrace4 ,i fancy  
,i can see ,our ,blessed ,lady coming to
 meet me1 with my ,father and ,mother1  
my little brothers and sisters2 and ,i  
picture myself enjoying true family joys
 for all eternity4  ,but before reaching
 ,our ,father's ,home in ,heaven1 ,i had
 to go through many partings on this    
earth4 ,the year in which ,i was made a 
,child of ,mary1 ,our ,lady took from me
 my sister ,marie1 the only support of  
my soul1#ad my oracle and inseparable   
companion since the departure of        
,pauline4 ,as soon as ,i knew of her    
decision1 ,i made up my mind to take no 
further pleasure in anything here below4
 ,i could not tell you how many tears ,i
 shed4 ,but at this time ,i was much    
given to crying1 not only over big      
things1 but over trifling ones too4 ,for
 instance3 ,i was very anxious to       
advance in virtue1 but ,i went about it 
in a strange way4 ,i was not accustomed 
to wait on myself2 ,cline always        
arranged our room1 and ,i never did any 

household work4 ,sometimes1 in order to 
please ,our ,lord1 ,i used to make my   
bed1 or1 if she were out in the evening1
 to bring in her plants and seedlings4  
,as ,i said before1 it was simply to    
please ,our ,lord that ,i did these     
things1 and so ,i ought not to have     
expected any thanks from creatures4     
,but1 alas6 ,i did expect them1 and1 if 
unfortunately ,cline did not seem       
surprised and grateful for my little    
services1 ,i was not pleased1 and tears 
rose to my eyes4  ,again1 if by accident
 ,i offended anyone1 instead of taking  
it in the right way1 ,i fretted till ,i 
made myself ill1 thus making my fault   
worse1 instead of mending it2 and when  
,i began to realise my foolishness1 ,i  
would cry for having cried4  ,in fact1  
,i made troubles out of everything4     
,now1 things are quite different4 ,god  
in ,his goodness has given me grace not 
to be cast down by any passing          
difficulty4 ,when ,i think of what ,i   
used to be1 my heart overflows with     

gratitude4 ,the graces ,i have received 
have changed me so completely1 that ,i  
am scarcely the same person4  ,after    
,marie entered the ,carmel1 and ,i no   
longer had her to listen to my scruples1
 ,i turned towards ,heaven and confided 
them to the four little angels who had  
already gone before me1 for ,i thought  
that these innocent souls1 who had never
 known sorrow or fear1 ought to have    
pity on their poor little suffering     
sister4 ,i talked to them with childish 
simplicity1 telling them that1 as ,i was
 the youngest of the family1 ,i had     
always been the most petted and loved by
 my parents and sisters2 that if they   
had remained on earth they would no     
doubt have given me the same proofs of  
their affection4 ,the fact that they had
 gone to ,heaven seemed no reason why   
they should forget me--on the contrary1 
as they were able to draw form the      
treasury of ,heaven1 they ought to      
obtain for me the grace of peace1 and   
prove that they still knew how to love  

me4  ,the answer was not long in coming2
 soon my soul was flooded with the      
sweetest peace4 ,i knew that ,i was     
loved1 not only on earth but also in    
,heaven4 ,from that time my devotion for
 these little brothers and sisters      
increased2 ,i loved to talk to them and 
tell them of all the sorrows of this    
exile1 and of my wish to join them soon 
in our ,eternal ,home4   #a ,cf4 ,matt4 
#f3c4  #b ,wisdom #d3ab4  #c ,imit41 ,i1
 ch4 i4 #c4  #d ,cant4 #b3a4  #e ,gal4  
#b3bj4  #f ,imit41 ,,iii1 ch4 xxvi4 #c4 
#g ,st4 ,teresa1 who reformed the       
,carmelite ,order1 and died in #aehb1 is
 sometimes called the ,doctor of        
,mystical ,theology1 because of her     
luminous writings on the relations of   
the soul with ,god in prayer4 ,ed4  #h  
,ps4 #edee3g4  #i ,luke #g3dg4  #aj     
,luke #e3cb4  #aa ,cf4 ,wisdom #d3aa4   
#ab ,it was on ,may #ca1 #ahhf1 that she
 became a ,sodalist of ,our ,lady4 ,ed4 
#ac ,wisdom #e3aj4  #ad ,marie entered  
the ,carmel of ,lisieux on ,october #ae1

 #ahhf1 taking the name of ,sister ,mary
 of the ,sacred ,heart4     ,,chapter ,v
 ,,vocation ,,of ,,th,r,,se  ,i was far 
from meriting all the graces which ,our 
,lord showered on me4 ,i had a constant 
and ardent desire to advance in virtue1 
but often my actions were spoilt by     
imperfections4 ,my extreme sensitiveness
 made me almost unbearable4 ,all        
arguments were useless4 ,i simply could 
not correct myself of this miserable    
fault4 ,how1 then1 could ,i hope soon to
 be admitted to the ,carmel8 ,a miracle 
on a small scale was needed to give me  
strength of character all at once1 and  
,god worked this long-desired miracle on
 ,christmas ,day1 #ahhf4  ,on that      
blessed night the sweet ,infant ,jesus1 
scarce an hour old1 filled the darkness 
of my soul with floods of light4 ,by    
becoming weak and little1 for love of   
me1 ,he made me strong and brave2 ,he   
put ,his own weapons into my hands1 so  
that ,i went from victory to victory1   
beginning1 if ,i may say so1 to run as a

 giant4#a ,the fountain of my tears was 
dried up1 and from that time they flowed
 neither easily nor often4  ,now ,i will
 tell you1 dear ,mother1 how ,i received
 this inestimable grace of complete     
conversion4 ,i knew that when we reached
 home after ,midnight ,mass ,i should   
find my shoes in the chimney-corner1    
filled with presents1 just as when ,i   
was a little child1 which proves that my
 sisters still treated me as a baby4    
,papa1 too1 liked to watch my enjoyment 
and hear my cries of delight at each    
fresh surprise that came from the magic 
shoes1 and his pleasure added to mine4  
,but the time had come when ,our ,lord  
wished to free me from childhood's      
failings1 and even withdraw me from its 
innocent pleasures4 ,on this occasion1  
instead of indulging me as he generally 
did1 ,papa seemed vexed1 and on my way  
upstairs ,i heard him say3 ,really all  
this is too babyish for a big girl like 
,thrse1 and ,i hope it is the last year 
it will happen4 ,his words cut me to the

 quick4 ,cline1 knowing how sensitive ,i
 was1 whispered3 ,don't go downstairs   
just yet--wait a little1 you would cry  
too much if you looked at your presents 
before ,papa4 ,but ,thrse was no longer 
the same--,jesus had changed her heart4 
,choking back my tears1 ,i ran down to  
the dining-room1 and1 though my heart   
beat fast1 ,i picked up my shoes1 and   
gaily pulled out all the things1 looking
 as happy as a queen4 ,papa laughed1 and
 did not show any trace of displeasure1 
and ,cline thought she must be dreaming4
 ,but happily it was a reality2 little  
,thrse had regained1 once for all1 the  
strength of mind which she had lost at  
the age of four and a half4  ,on this   
night of grace1 the third period of my  
life began--the most beautiful of all1  
the one most filled with heavenly       
favours4 ,in an instant ,our ,lord1     
satisfied with my good will1            
accomplished the work ,i had not been   
able to do during all these years4 ,like
 the ,apostle ,i could say3 ,master1 we 

have laboured all night1 and have taken 
nothing4#b  ,more merciful to me even   
than to ,his beloved disciples1 ,our    
,lord ,himself took the net1 cast it1   
and drew it out full of fishes4 ,he made
 me a fisher of men4 ,love and a spirit 
of self-forgetfulness took possession of
 me1 and from that time ,i was perfectly
 happy4  ,one ,sunday1 closing my book  
at the end of ,mass1 a picture of ,our  
,lord on the ,cross half slipped out1   
showing only one of ,his ,divine ,hands1
 pierced and bleeding4 ,i felt an       
indescribable thrill such as ,i had     
never felt before4 ,my heart was torn   
with grief to see that ,precious ,blood 
falling to the ground1 and no one caring
 to treasure ,it as ,it fell1 and ,i    
resolved to remain continually in spirit
 at the foot of the ,cross1 that ,i     
might receive the ,divine ,dew of       
,salvation and pour it forth upon souls4
 ,from that day the cry of my dying     
,saviour--,i thirst6--sounded           
incessantly in my heart1 and kindled    

therein a burning zeal hitherto unknown 
to me4 ,my one desire was to give my    
,beloved to drink2 ,i felt myself       
consumed with thirst for souls1 and ,i  
longed at any cost to snatch sinners    
from the everlasting flames of hell4    
,in order still further to enkindle my  
ardour1 ,our ,divine ,master soon proved
 to me how pleasing to him was my       
desire4 ,just then ,i heard much talk of
 a notorious criminal1 ,pranzini1 who   
was sentenced to death for several      
shocking murders1 and1 as he was quite  
impenitent1 everyone feared he would be 
eternally lost4 ,how ,i longed to avert 
this irreparable calamity6 ,in order to 
do so ,i employed all the spiritual     
means ,i could think of1 and1 knowing   
that my own efforts were unavailing1 ,i 
offered for his pardon the infinite     
merits of ,our ,saviour and the         
treasures of ,holy ,church4  ,need ,i   
say that in the depths of my heart ,i   
felt certain my request would be        
granted8 ,but1 that ,i might gain       

courage to persevere in the quest for   
souls1 ,i said in all simplicity3 ,my   
,god1 ,i am quite sure that ,thou wilt  
pardon this unhappy ,pranzini4 ,i should
 still think so if he did not confess   
his sins or give any sign of sorrow1    
because ,i have such confidence in ,thy 
unbounded ,mercy2 but this is my first  
sinner1 and therefore ,i beg for just   
one sign of repentance to reassure me4  
,my prayer was granted to the letter4   
,my ,father never allowed us to read the
 papers1 but ,i did not think there was 
any disobedience in looking at the part 
about ,pranzini4 ,the day after his     
execution ,i hastily opened the paper1  
,la ,croix1 and what did ,i see8 ,tears 
betrayed my emotion2 ,i was obliged to  
run out of the room4 ,pranzini had      
mounted the scaffold without confessing 
or receiving absolution1 and the        
executioners were already dragging him  
towards the fatal block1 when all at    
once1 apparently in answer to a sudden  
inspiration1 he turned round1 seized the

 crucifix which the ,priest was offering
 to him1 and kissed ,our ,lord's ,sacred
 ,wounds three times4 4 4 4 ,i had      
obtained the sign ,i asked for1 and to  
me it was especially sweet4 ,was it not 
when ,i saw the ,precious ,blood flowing
 from the ,wounds of ,jesus that the    
thirst for souls first took possession  
of me8 ,i wished to give them to drink  
of the ,blood of the ,immaculate ,lamb  
that ,it might wash away their stains1  
and the lips of my first born had been  
pressed to these ,divine ,wounds4 ,what 
a wonderful answer6  ,after receiving   
this grace my desire for the salvation  
of souls increased day by day4 ,i seemed
 to hear ,our ,lord whispering to me1 as
 ,he did to the ,samaritan woman3 ,give 
me to drink6#c ,it was indeed an        
exchange of love3 upon souls ,i poured  
forth the ,precious ,blood of ,jesus1   
and to ,jesus ,i offered these souls    
refreshed with the ,dew of ,calvary4 ,in
 this way ,i thought to quench ,his     
,thirst2 but the more ,i gave ,him to   

drink1 so much the more did the thirst  
of my own poor soul increase1 and ,i    
accepted it as the most delightful      
recompense4  ,in a short time ,god1 in  
,his goodness1 had lifted me out of the 
narrow sphere in which ,i lived4 ,the   
great step was taken2 but1 alas6 ,i had 
still a long road to travel4 ,now that  
,i was free from scruples and morbid    
sensitiveness1 my mind developed4 ,i had
 always loved what was noble and        
beautiful1 and about this time ,i was   
seized with a passionate desire for     
learning4 ,not content with lessons from
 my teachers1 ,i took up certain        
subjects by myself1 and learnt more in a
 few months than ,i had in my whole     
school life4 ,was not this              
ardour--vanity and vexation of spirit8#d
 ,for me1 with my impetuous nature1 this
 was one of the most dangerous times of 
my life1 but ,our ,lord fulfilled in me 
those words of ,ezechiel's prophecy3    
,behold thy time was the time of lovers3
 and ,i spread my garment over thee4    

,and ,i swore to thee1 and ,i entered   
into a covenant with thee1 saith the    
,lord ,god1 and thou becamest ,mine4    
,and ,i washed thee with water1 and ,i  
anointed thee with oil4 ,i clothed thee 
with fine garments1 and put a chain     
about thy neck4 ,thou didst eat fine    
flour and honey and oil1 and wast made  
exceedingly beautiful1 and wast advanced
 to be a queen4#e  ,yes1 ,our ,lord has 
done all this for me4 ,i might take each
 word of that striking passage and show 
how it has been completely realised in  
me1 but the graces of which ,i have     
already told you are sufficient proof4  
,so ,i will only speak now of the food  
with which my ,divine ,master abundantly
 provided me4 ,for a long time ,i had   
nourished my spiritual life with the    
fine flour contained in the ,imitation  
of ,christ4 ,it was the only book which 
did me good1 for ,i had not yet found   
the treasures hidden in the ,holy       
,gospels4 ,i always had it with me1 to  
the amusement of my people at home4 ,my 

aunt used often to open it1 and make me 
repeat by heart the first chapter she   
chanced to light upon4  ,seeing my great
 thirst for knowledge1 ,god was pleased1
 when ,i was fourteen1 to add to the    
fine flour1 honey and oil in abundance4 
,this honey and oil ,i found in the     
conferences of ,father ,arminjon on ,the
 ,end of this ,world and the ,mysteries 
of the ,world to ,come4 ,while reading  
this book my soul was flooded with a    
happiness quite supernatural4 ,i        
experienced a foretaste of what ,god has
 prepared for those who love ,him2 and1 
seeing that eternal rewards are so much 
in excess of the petty sacrifices of    
this life1 ,i yearned to love ,our      
,lord1 to love ,him passionately1 and to
 give ,him countless proofs of affection
 while this was still in my power4      
,cline had become the most intimate     
sharer of my thoughts1 especially since 
,christmas4 ,our ,lord1 ,who wished to  
make us advance in virtue together1 drew
 us to one another by ties stronger than

 blood4 ,he made us sisters in spirit as
 well as in the flesh4 ,the words of our
 ,holy ,father1 ,st4 ,john of the       
,cross1 were realised in us3            
,treading within ,thy ,footsteps        
,young maidens lightly run upon the way4
         ,from the spark's contact1     
,and the spicd wine1         ,they give 
forth aspirations of a balm divine4  ,it
 was lightly indeed that we followed in 
the footsteps of ,our ,saviour4 ,the    
burning sparks which ,he cast into our  
souls1 the strong wine which ,he gave us
 to drink1 made us lose sight of all    
earthly things1 and we breathed forth   
sighs of love4  ,very sweet is the      
memory of our intercourse4 ,every       
evening we went up to our attic window  
together and gazed at the starry depths 
of the sky1 and ,i think very precious  
graces were bestowed on us then4 ,as the
 ,imitation says3 ,god communicates     
,himself sometimes amid great light1 at 
other times sweetly in signs and        
figures4#f  ,in this way ,he deigned to 

manifest ,himself to our hearts2 but how
 slight and transparent was the veil6   
,doubt was no longer possible2 already  
,faith and ,hope had given place to     
,love1 which made us find ,him whom we  
sought1 even on this earth4 ,when ,he   
found us alone--,he gave us ,his kiss1  
and now no one may despise us4#g  ,these
 divine impressions could not but bear  
fruit4 ,the practice of virtue gradually
 became sweet and natural to me4 ,at    
first my looks betrayed the effort1 but1
 little by little1 self-sacrifice seemed
 to come more easily and without        
hesitation4 ,our ,lord has said3 ,to    
everyone that hath shall be given1 and  
he shall abound4#h  ,each grace         
faithfully received brought many others4
 ,he gave ,himself to me in ,holy       
,communion oftener than ,i should have  
dared to hope4 ,i had made it my        
practice to go to ,communion as often as
 my confessor allowed me1 but never to  
ask for leave to go more frequently4    
,now1 however1 ,i should act            

differently1 for ,i am convinced that a 
soul ought to disclose to her director  
the longing she has to receive her ,god4
 ,he does not come down from ,heaven    
each day in order to remain in a golden 
ciborium1 but to find another           
,heaven--the ,heaven of our souls in    
which ,he takes such delight4  ,our     
,lord1 ,who knew my desire1 inspired my 
confessor to allow me to go to          
,communion several times a week1 and    
this permission1 coming as it did       
straight from ,him1 filled me with joy4 
,in those days ,i did not dare to speak 
of my inner feelings2 the road which ,i 
trod was so direct1 so clear1 that ,i   
did not feel the need of any guide but  
,jesus4 ,i compared directors to mirrors
 who faithfully reflect ,our ,saviour to
 the souls under their care1 and ,i     
thought that in my case ,he did not use 
an intermediary but acted directly4     
,when a gardener gives special attention
 to a fruit which he wishes to ripen    
early1 he does so1 not with a view to   

leaving it on the tree1 but in order to 
place it on a well-spread table4 ,our   
,lord lavished ,his favours on ,his     
,little ,flower in the same way4 ,he    
wishes ,his ,mercies to shine forth in  
me--,he ,who1 while on earth1 cried out 
in a transport of joy3 ,i bless ,thee1  
,o ,father1 because ,thou hast hidden   
these things from the wise and prudent  
and hast revealed them to little ones4#i
  ,and because ,i was small and frail1  
,he bent down to me and instructed me   
sweetly in the secrets of ,his love4 ,as
 ,st4 ,john of the ,cross says in his   
,canticle of the ,soul3          ,on    
that happy night         ,in secret ,i  
went forth1 beheld by none1         ,and
 seeing naught2         ,having no light
 nor guide         ,excepting that which
 burned within my heart1          ,which
 lit my way         ,more safely than   
the glare of noon-day sun         ,to   
where1 expectant1         ,he waited for
 me ,who doth know me well1             
,where none appeared but ,he4  ,this    

place was ,carmel1 but before ,i could  
sit down under ,his ,shadow ,whom ,i    
desired1#aj ,i had to pass through many 
trials4 ,and yet the ,divine ,call was  
becoming so insistent that1 had it been 
necessary for me to go through fire1 ,i 
would have thrown myself into it to     
follow my ,divine ,master4  ,pauline#aa 
was the only one who encouraged me in my
 vocation2 ,marie thought ,i was too    
young1 and you1 dear ,mother1 no doubt  
to prove me1 tried to restrain my       
ardour4 ,from the start ,i encountered  
nothing but difficulties4 ,then1 too1 ,i
 dared not speak of it to ,cline1 and   
this silence pained me deeply2 it was so
 hard to have a secret she did not      
share4  ,however1 this dear sister soon 
found out my intention1 and1 far from   
wishing to keep me back1 she accepted   
the sacrifice with wonderful courage4   
,as she also wished to be a nun1 she    
ought to have been given the first      
opportunity2 but1 imitating the martyrs 
of old1 who used joyfully to embrace    

those chosen to go before them into the 
arena1 she allowed me to leave her1 and 
took my troubles as much to heart as if 
it were a question of her own vocation4 
,from ,cline1 then1 ,i had nothing to   
fear1 but ,i did not know how to set    
about telling ,papa4 ,how could his     
little ,queen talk of leaving him when  
he had already parted with his two      
eldest daughters8 ,moreover1 this year  
he had been stricken with a serious     
attack of paralysis1 and though he      
recovered quickly we were full of       
anxiety for the future4  ,what struggles
 ,i went through before ,i could make up
 my mind to speak6 ,but ,i had to act   
decisively2 ,i was now fourteen and a   
half1 and in six months' time the       
blessed feast of ,christmas would be    
here4 ,i had resolved to enter the      
,carmel at the same hour at which a year
 before ,i had received the grace of    
conversion4  ,i chose the feast of      
,pentecost on which to make my great    
disclosure4 ,all day ,i was praying for 

light from the ,holy ,ghost1 and begging
 the ,apostles to pray for me1 to       
inspire me with the words ,i ought to   
use4 ,were they not the very ones to    
help a timid child whom ,god destines to
 become an apostle of apostles by prayer
 and sacrifice8  ,in the afternoon1 when
 ,vespers were over1 ,i found the       
opportunity ,i wanted4 ,my ,father was  
sitting in the garden1 his hands        
clasped1 admiring the wonders of nature4
 ,the rays of the setting sun gilded the
 tops of the tall trees1 and the birds  
chanted their evening prayer4  ,his     
beautiful face wore a heavenly          
expression--,i could feel that his soul 
was full of peace4 ,without a word1 ,i  
sat down by his side1 my eyes already   
wet with tears4 ,he looked at me with   
indescribable tenderness1 and1 pressing 
me to his heart1 said3 ,what is it1     
little ,queen8 ,tell me everything4     
,then1 in order to hide his own emotion1
 he rose and walked slowly up and down1 
still holding me close to him4  ,through

 my tears ,i spoke of the ,carmel and of
 my great wish to enter soon4 ,he1 too1 
wept1 but did not say a word to turn me 
from my vocation2 he only told me that  
,i was very young to make such a grave  
decision1 and as ,i insisted1 and fully 
explained my reasons1 my noble and      
generous ,father was soon convinced4 ,we
 walked about for a long time2 my heart 
was lightened1 and ,papa no longer shed 
tears4 ,he spoke to me as ,saints speak1
 and showed me some flowers growing in  
the low stone wall4 ,picking one of     
them1 he gave it to me1 and explained   
the loving care with which ,god had made
 it spring up and grow till now4  ,i    
fancied myself listening to my own      
story1 so close was the resemblance     
between the little flower and little    
,thrse4 ,i received this floweret as a  
relic1 and noticed that in gathering it 
my ,father had pulled it up by the roots
 without breaking them2 it seemed       
destined to live on1 but in other and   
more fertile soil4 ,papa had just done  

the same for me4 ,he allowed me to leave
 the sweet valley1 where ,i had passed  
the first years of my life1 for the     
mountain of ,carmel4 ,i fastened my     
little white flower to a picture of ,our
 ,lady of ,victories--the ,blessed      
,virgin smiles on it1 and the ,infant   
,jesus seems to hold it in ,his ,hand4  
,it is there still1 but the stalk is    
broken close to the root4 ,god doubtless
 wishes me to understand that ,he will  
soon break all the earthly ties of ,his 
,little ,flower and will not leave her  
to wither on this earth4  ,having       
obtained my ,father's consent1 ,i       
thought ,i could now fly to the ,carmel 
without hindrance4 ,far from it6 ,when  
,i told my uncle of my project1 he      
declared that to enter such a severe    
,order at the age of fifteen seemed to  
him against all common sense1 and that  
it would be doing a wrong to religion to
 let a child embrace such a life4 ,he   
added that he should oppose it in every 
way possible1 and that nothing short of 

a miracle would make him change his     
mind4  ,i could see that all arguments  
were useless1 so ,i left him1 my heart  
weighed down by profound sadness4 ,my   
only consolation was prayer4 ,i         
entreated ,our ,lord to work this       
miracle for me because thus only could  
,i respond to ,his appeal4 ,some time   
went by1 and my uncle did not seem even 
to remember our conversation1 though ,i 
learnt later that it had been constantly
 in his thoughts4  ,before allowing a   
ray of hope to shine on my soul1 ,our   
,lord deigned to send me another most   
painful trial which lasted for three    
days4 ,never had ,i understood so well  
the bitter grief of ,our ,lady and ,st4 
,joseph when they were searching the    
streets of ,jerusalem for the ,divine   
,child4 ,i seemed to be in a frightful  
desert1 or rather1 my soul was like a   
frail skiff1 without a pilot1 at the    
mercy of the stormy waves4 ,i knew that 
,jesus was there asleep in my little    
boat1 but how could ,i see ,him while   

the night was so dark8 ,if the storm had
 really broken1 a flash of lightning    
would perhaps have pierced the clouds   
that hung over me3 even though it were  
but a passing ray1 it would have enabled
 me to catch a momentary glimpse of the 
,beloved of my heart--but this was      
denied me4 ,instead1 it was night1 dark 
night1 utter desolation1 death6 ,like my
 ,divine ,master in the ,agony in the   
,garden1 ,i felt that ,i was alone1 and 
found no comfort on earth or in ,heaven4
  ,nature itself seemed to share my     
bitter sadness1 for during these three  
days there was not a ray of sunshine and
 the rain fell in torrents4 ,i have     
noticed again and again that in all the 
important events of my life nature has  
reflected my feelings4 ,when ,i wept1   
the skies wept with me2 when ,i         
rejoiced1 no cloud darkened the blue of 
the heavens4 ,on the fourth day1 a      
,saturday1 ,i went to see my uncle4     
,what was my surprise when ,i found his 
attitude towards me entirely changed6   

,he invited me into his study1 a        
privilege ,i had not asked for2 then1   
after gently reproaching me for being a 
little constrained with him1 he told me 
that the miracle of which he had spoken 
was no longer needed4 ,he had prayed    
,god to guide his heart aright1 and his 
prayer had been heard4 ,i felt as if ,i 
hardly knew him1 he seemed so different4
 ,he embraced me with fatherly          
affection1 saying with much feeling3 ,go
 in peace1 my dear child1 you are a     
privileged little flower which ,our     
,lord wishes to gather4 ,i will put no  
obstacle in the way4  ,joyfully ,i went 
home4 4 4 4 ,the clouds had quite       
disappeared from the sky1 and in my soul
 also dark night was over4 ,jesus had   
awakened to gladden my heart4 ,i no     
longer heard the roar of the waves4     
,instead of the bitter wind of trial1 a 
light breeze swelled my sail1 and ,i    
fancied myself safe in port4 ,alas6 more
 than one storm was yet to rise1        
sometimes even making me fear that ,i   

should be driven1 without hope of       
return1 from the shore which ,i longed  
to reach4  ,i had obtained my uncle's   
consent1 only to be told by you1 dear   
,mother1 that the ,superior of the      
,carmelites would not allow me to enter 
till ,i was twenty-one4 ,no one had     
dreamt of this serious opposition1 the  
hardest of all to overcome4 ,and yet1   
without losing courage1 ,i went with    
,papa to lay my request before him4 ,he 
received me very coldly1 and could not  
be induced to change his mind4 ,we left 
him at last with a very decided ,no4 ,of
 course1 he added1 ,i am only the       
,bishop's delegate2 if he allows you to 
enter1 ,i shall have nothing more to    
say4  ,when we came out of the          
,presbytery again1 it was raining in    
torrents1 and my soul1 too1 was overcast
 with heavy clouds4 ,papa did not know  
how to console me1 but he promised1 if  
,i wished1 to take me to ,bayeux to see 
the ,bishop1 and to this ,i eagerly     
consented4  ,many things happened1      

however1 before we were able to go4 ,to 
all appearances my life seemed to       
continue as formerly4 ,i went on        
studying1 and1 what is more important1  
,i went on growing in the love of ,god4 
,now and then ,i experienced what were  
indeed raptures of love4  ,one evening1 
not knowing in what words to tell ,our  
,lord how much ,i loved him1 and how    
much ,i wished that ,he was served and  
honoured everywhere1 ,i thought         
sorrowfully that from the depths of hell
 there does not go up to ,him one single
 act of love4 ,then1 from my inmost     
heart1 ,i cried out that ,i would gladly
 be cast into that place of torment and 
blasphemy so that ,he might be eternally
 loved even there4 ,this could not be   
for ,his ,glory1 since ,he only wishes  
our happiness1 but love feels the need  
of saying foolish things4 ,if ,i spoke  
in this way1 it was not that ,i did not 
long to go to ,heaven1 but for me       
,heaven was nothing else than ,love1 and
 in my ardour ,i felt that nothing could

 separate me from the ,divine ,being    
,who held me captive4  ,about this time 
,our ,lord gave me the consolation of an
 intimate knowledge of the souls of     
children4 ,i gained it in this way4     
,during the illness of a poor woman1 ,i 
interested myself in her two little     
girls1 the elder of whom was not yet    
six4 ,it was a real pleasure to see how 
simply they believed all that ,i told   
them4 ,baptism does indeed plant deeply 
in our souls the theological virtues1   
since from early childhood the hope of  
heavenly reward is strong enough to make
 us practise self-denial4 ,when ,i      
wanted my two little girls to be        
specially kind to one another1 instead  
of promising them toys and sweets1 ,i   
talked to them about the eternal        
recompense the ,holy ,child ,jesus would
 give to good children4 ,the elder one1 
who was coming to the use of reason1    
used to look quite pleased and asked me 
charming questions about the little     
,jesus and ,his beautiful ,heaven4 ,she 

promised me faithfully always to give in
 to her little sister1 adding that all  
through her life she would never forget 
what ,i had taught her4 ,i used to      
compare these innocent souls to soft    
wax1 ready to receive any               
impression--evil1 alas6 as well as good1
 and ,i understood the words of ,our    
,lord3 ,it were better to be thrown into
 the sea than to scandalise one of these
 little ones4#ab  ,how many souls might 
attain to great sanctity if only they   
were directed aright from the first6 ,i 
know ,god has not need of anyone to help
 ,him in ,his work of sanctification1   
but as ,he allows a clever gardener to  
cultivate rare and delicate plants1     
giving him the skill to accomplish it1  
while reserving to ,himself the right of
 making them grow1 so does ,he wish to  
be helped in the cultivation of souls4  
,what would happen if an ignorant       
gardener did not graft his trees in the 
right way8 if he did not understand the 
nature of each1 and wished1 for         

instance1 to make roses grow on peach   
trees8  ,this reminds me that ,i used to
 have among my birds a canary which sang
 beautifully1 and also a little linnet  
taken from the nest1 of which ,i was    
very fond4 ,this poor little prisoner1  
deprived of the teaching it should have 
received from its parents1 and hearing  
the joyous trills of the canary from    
morning to night1 tried hard to imitate 
them4 ,a difficult task indeed for a    
linnet6 ,it was delightful to follow the
 efforts of the poor little thing2 his  
sweet voice found great difficulty in   
accommodating itself to the vibrant     
notes of his master1 but he succeeded in
 time1 and1 to my great surprise1 his   
song became exactly like the song of the
 canary4  ,oh1 dear ,mother1 you know   
who taught me to sing from the days of  
my earliest childhood6 ,you know the    
voices which drew me on4 ,and now ,i    
trust that one day1 in spite of my      
weakness1 ,i may sing for ever the      
,canticle of ,love1 the harmonious notes

 of which ,i have often heard sweetly   
sounding here below4  ,but where am ,i8 
,these thoughts have carried me too far1
 and ,i must resume the history of my   
vocation4  ,on ,october #ca1 #ahhg1     
alone with ,papa1 ,i started for        
,bayeux1 my heart full of hope1 but also
 excited at the idea of presenting      
myself at the ,bishop's house4 ,for the 
first time in my life1 ,i was going to  
pay a visit without any of my sisters1  
and this to a ,bishop4 ,i1 who had never
 yet had to speak except to answer      
questions addressed to me1 would have to
 explain and enlarge on my reasons for  
begging to enter the ,carmel1 and so    
give proofs of the genuineness of my    
vocation4  ,it cost me a great effort to
 overcome my shyness sufficiently to do 
this4 ,but it is true that ,love knows  
no such word as impossible1 for it deems
 all things possible1 all things        
allowed4 ,nothing whatsoever but the    
love of ,jesus could have made me face  
these difficulties and others which     

followed1 for ,i had to purchase my     
happiness by heavy trials4 ,now1 it is  
true1 ,i think ,i bought it very        
cheaply1 and ,i would willingly bear a  
thousand times more bitter suffering to 
gain it1 if it were not already mine4   
,when we reached the ,bishop's house1   
the floodgates of ,heaven seemed open   
once more4 ,the ,vicar-,general1 ,father
 ,rvrony1 who had settled the date of   
our coming1 received us very kindly1    
though he looked a little surprised1 and
 seeing tears in my eyes said3 ,those   
diamonds must not be shown to ,his      
,lordship6 ,we were led through large   
reception-rooms which made me feel how  
small ,i was1 and ,i wondered what ,i   
should dare say4 ,the ,bishop was       
walking in a corridor with two ,priests4
 ,i saw the ,vicar-,general speak a few 
words to him1 then they came into the   
room where we were waiting4 ,there were 
three large armchairs in front of the   
fireplace1 where a bright fire blazed4  
,as his ,lordship entered1 my ,father   

and ,i knelt for his blessing2 then he  
made us sit down4 ,father ,rvrony       
offered me the armchair in the middle4  
,i excused myself politely1 but he      
insisted1 telling me to show if ,i knew 
how to obey4 ,i did so without any more 
hesitation1 and was mortified to see him
 take an ordinary chair while ,i was    
buried in an enormous seat that would   
comfortably have held four children like
 me--more comfortably in fact1 for ,i   
was far from being at ease4 ,i hoped    
that ,papa was going to do all the      
talking1 but he told me to explain the  
reason of our visit4 ,i did so as       
eloquently as ,i could1 though ,i knew  
well that one word from the ,superior   
would have carried more weight than all 
my reasons1 while his opposition told   
strongly against me4 ,the ,bishop asked 
how long ,i had wanted to enter the     
,carmel4 ,a very long time1 my ,lord6   
,come6 said the ,vicar-,general1        
laughing1 it cannot be as long as       
fifteen years4 ,that is true1 ,i        

answered1 but it is not much less1 for  
,i have wished to give myself to ,god   
from the time ,i was three4 ,the        
,bishop1 no doubt to please ,papa1 tried
 to explain that ,i ought to remain some
 time longer with him2 but1 to his great
 surprise and edification1 my ,father   
took my part1 adding respectfully that  
we were going to ,rome with the diocesan
 pilgrimage1 and that ,i should not     
hesitate to speak to the ,holy ,father  
if ,i could not obtain permission before
 then4 ,however1 it was decided that1   
previous to giving an answer1 an        
interview with the ,superior was        
absolutely necessary4 ,this was         
particularly unpleasant hearing1 for ,i 
knew his declared and determined        
opposition2 and1 in spite of the advice 
not to allow the ,bishop to see any     
diamonds1 ,i not only showed them but   
let them fall4 ,he seemed touched1 and  
caressed me fondly4 ,i was afterwards   
told he had never treated any child so  
kindly4  ,all is not lost1 little one1  

he said1 but ,i am very glad that you   
are going to ,rome with your good       
,father2 you will thus strengthen your  
vocation4 ,instead of weeping1 you ought
 to rejoice4 ,i am going to ,lisieux    
next week1 and ,i will talk to the      
,superior about you4 ,you shall         
certainly have my answer when you are in
 ,italy4 ,his ,lordship then took us to 
the garden1 and was much interested when
 ,papa told him that1 to make myself    
look older1 ,i had put up my hair for   
the first time that very morning4 ,this 
was not forgotten1 for ,i know that even
 now1 whenever the ,bishop tells anyone 
about his little daughter1 he always    
repeats the story about her hair4 ,i    
must say ,i should prefer my little     
secret to have been kept4 ,as he took us
 to the door1 the ,vicar-,general       
remarked that such a thing had never    
been seen--a father as anxious to give  
his child to ,god as the child was to   
offer herself4  ,we had to return to    
,lisieux without a favourable answer4   

,it seemed to me as though my future    
were shattered for ever2 the nearer ,i  
drew to the goal1 the greater my        
difficulties became4 ,but all the time  
,i felt deep down in my heart a wondrous
 peace1 because ,i knew that ,i was only
 seeking the ,will of my ,lord4   #a    
,cf4 ,psalm #ahai3e4  #b ,luke #e3e4  #c
 ,john #d3g4  #d ,eccl4 #a3ad4  #e      
,ezechiel #af3h1 #i1 #ac4  #f ,cf4      
,imit41 ,,iii1 ch4 xliii4 #d4  #g ,cf4  
,cant4 #h3a4  #h ,luke #ai3bf4  #i ,cf4 
,luke #aj3ba4  #aj ,cant4 #b3c4  #aa    
,sister ,agnes of ,jesus4  #ab ,cf4     
,matt4 #ah3f4    ,,chapter ,,vi ,a      
,,pilgrimage ,,to ,,rome  ,three days   
after the journey to ,bayeux1 ,i started
 on a much longer one--to the ,eternal  
,city4 ,this journey taught me the      
vanity of all that passes away4         
,nevertheless ,i saw splendid monuments2
 ,i studied the countless wonders of art
 and religion2 and better than all1 ,i  
trod the very ground the ,holy ,apostles
 had trodden--the ground watered by the 

blood of martyrs--and my soul grew by   
contact with these holy things4  ,i was 
delighted to go to ,rome2 but ,i could  
quite understand people crediting ,papa 
with the hope that in this way ,i should
 be brought to change my mind about the 
religious life4 ,it might certainly have
 upset a vocation that was not very     
strong4  ,to begin with1 ,cline and ,i  
found ourselves in the company of many  
distinguished people4 ,in fact1 there   
were scarcely any others in the         
pilgrimage2 but1 far from being dazzled 
thereby1 titles seemed to us but a      
vapour of smoke1#a and ,i understood the
 words of the ,imitation3 ,be not       
solicitous for the shadow of a great    
name4#b ,i understood that true         
greatness is not found in a name but in 
the soul4 ,the ,prophet ,isaias tells   
us3 ,the ,lord shall call ,his servants 
by another name1#c and we read in ,st4  
,john3 ,to him that overcometh ,i will  
give a white counter1 and on the counter
 a new name written which no man knoweth

 but he that receiveth it4#d ,in        
,heaven1 therefore1 we shall know our   
titles of nobility1 and then shall every
 man have praise from ,god1#e and he who
 on earth chose to be poorest and least 
known for love of his ,saviour1 he will 
be the first1 the noblest1 and the      
richest4  ,the second thing ,i learnt   
had to do with ,priests4 ,up to this    
time ,i had not understood the chief aim
 of the ,carmelite ,reform4 ,to pray for
 sinners delighted me2 to pray for      
,priests1 whose souls seemed pure as    
crystal1 that indeed astonished me4 ,but
 in ,italy ,i realised my vocation1 and 
even so long a journey was a small price
 to pay for such valuable knowledge4    
,during that month ,i met with many holy
 ,priests1 and yet ,i saw that even     
though the sublime dignity of           
,priesthood raises them higher than the 
,angels1 they are still but weak and    
imperfect men4 ,and so if holy ,priests1
 whom ,our ,lord in the ,gospel calls   
the salt of the earth1 have need of our 

prayers1 what must we think of the      
lukewarm8 ,has not ,our ,lord said3 ,if 
the salt lose its savour wherewith shall
 it be salted8#f ,oh1 dear ,mother1 how 
beautiful is our vocation6 ,we          
,carmelites are called to preserve the  
salt of the earth4 ,we offer our prayers
 and sacrifices for the apostles of the 
,lord2 we ourselves ought to be their   
apostles1 while they1 by word and       
example1 are preaching the ,gospel to   
our brethren4 ,have we not a glorious   
mission to fulfill8 ,but ,i must say no 
more1 for ,i feel that on this subject  
my pen would run on for ever4  ,now let 
me describe my journey in some detail4  
,at three o'clock in the morning of     
,november #d1 we passed through the     
silent streets4 ,lisieux still lay      
shrouded in the darkness of night4 ,i   
felt that ,i was going out into the     
unknown1 and that great things were     
awaiting me in ,rome4 ,when we reached  
,paris1 ,papa took us to see all the    
sights4 ,for me there was but one--,our 

,lady of ,victories4 ,i can never tell  
you what ,i felt at her shrine2 the     
graces ,our ,lady granted me were like  
those of my ,first ,communion ,day4 ,i  
was filled with peace and happiness4 ,in
 this holy spot the ,blessed ,virgin1 my
 ,mother1 told me plainly that it was   
really she who had smiled on me and     
cured me4 ,with intense fervour ,i      
entreated her to keep me always1 and to 
realise my heart's desire by hiding me  
under her spotless mantle1 and ,i also  
asked her to remove from me every       
occasion of sin4  ,i was well aware that
 during this journey ,i should come     
across things that might disturb me2    
knowing nothing of evil1 ,i feared ,i   
might discover it4 ,as yet ,i had not   
experienced that to the pure all things 
are pure1#g that a simple and upright   
soul does not see evil in anything1     
because evil only exists in impure      
hearts and not in inanimate objects4 ,i 
prayed specially to ,st4 ,joseph to     
watch over me2 from my childhood1       

devotion to him has been interwoven with
 my love for our ,blessed ,lady4 ,every 
day ,i said the prayer beginning3 ,st4  
,joseph1 ,father and ,protector of      
,virgins 4 4 4 so ,i felt ,i was well   
protected and quite safe from danger4   
,we left ,paris on ,november #g1 after  
our solemn ,consecration to the ,sacred 
,heart in the ,basilica of              
,montmartre4#h ,each compartment of the 
train was named after a ,saint1 and the 
selection was made in honour of some    
,priest occupying it--his own patron or 
that of his parish being chosen4 ,but in
 the presence of all the pilgrims our   
compartment was named after ,st4        
,martin6 ,my ,father1 deeply touched by 
this compliment1 went at once to thank  
,mgr4 ,legoux1 ,vicar-,general of       
,coutances and director of the          
pilgrimage4 ,from this onwards he was   
often called ,monsieur ,saint ,martin4  
,father ,rvrony watched my behaviour    
closely4 ,i could tell that he was doing
 so2 at table1 if ,i were not opposite  

to him1 he would lean forward to look at
 me and listen to what ,i was saying4 ,i
 think he must have been satisfied with 
his investigations1 for1 towards the end
 of the journey1 he seemed more         
favourably disposed4 ,i say towards the 
end1 for in ,rome he was far from being 
my advocate1 as ,i will tell you        
presently4 ,still ,i would not have it  
thought he deceived me in any way by    
falling short of the good will he had   
shown at ,bayeux4 ,on the contrary1 ,i  
am sure that he always felt kindly      
towards me1 and that if he opposed my   
wishes it was only to put me to the     
test4  ,on our way into ,italy we passed
 through ,switzerland1 with its high    
mountains1 their snowy peaks lost in the
 clouds1 its rushing torrents1 and its  
deep valleys filled with giant ferns and
 purple heather4 ,great good was wrought
 in my soul by these beauties of nature 
so abundantly scattered abroad4 ,they   
lifted it to ,him ,who had been pleased 
to lavish such masterpieces upon this   

transient earth4  ,sometimes we were    
high up the mountain side1 while at our 
feet an unfathomable abyss seemed ready 
to engulf us4 ,a little later we were   
passing through a charming village with 
its cottages and graceful belfry1 above 
which light fleecy clouds floated       
lazily4 ,farther on a great lake with   
its blue waters1 so calm and clear1     
would blend with the glowing splendour  
of the setting sun4 ,i cannot tell you  
how deeply ,i was impressed with this   
scenery so full of poetry and grandeur4 
,it was a foretaste of the wonders of   
,heaven4 ,then the thought of religious 
life would come before me1 as it really 
is1 with its constraints and its little 
daily sacrifices made in secret4 ,i     
understood how easily one might become  
wrapped in self and forget the sublime  
end of one's vocation1 and ,i thought3  
,later on1 when the time of trial comes1
 when ,i am enclosed in the ,carmel and 
shall only be able to see a little bit  
of sky1 ,i will remember this day and it

 will encourage me4 ,i will make light  
of my own small interests by thinking of
 the greatness and majesty of ,god2 ,i  
will love ,him alone1 and will not be so
 foolish as to attach myself to the     
fleeting trifles of this world1 now that
 my heart has had a glimpse of what is  
reserved for those who love ,him4       
,after having contemplated the works of 
,god1 ,i turned next to admire those of 
,his creatures4 ,milan was the first    
,italian town we visited1 and we        
carefully studied its ,cathedral of     
white marble1 adorned with countless    
statues4 ,cline and ,i left the timid   
ones1 who hid their faces in fear after 
climbing to the first stage1 and1       
following the bolder pilgrims1 we       
reached the top1 from whence we viewed  
the city below4 ,when we came down we   
started on the first of our expeditions2
 these lasted the whole month of the    
pilgrimage1 and quite cured me of a     
desire to be always lazily riding in a  
carriage4  ,the ,campo ,santo#i charmed 

us4 ,the whole vast enclosure is covered
 with marble statues1 so exquisitely    
carved as to be life-like1 and placed   
with an apparent negligence that only   
enhances their charm4 ,you feel almost  
tempted to console the imaginary        
personages that surround you1 their     
expression so exactly portrays a calm   
and ,christian sorrow4 ,and what works  
of art6 ,here is a child putting flowers
 on its father's grave--one forgets how 
solid is marble--the delicate petals    
appear to slip through its fingers4     
,sometimes the light veils of the       
widows1 and the ribbons of the young    
girls1 seem floating on the breeze4  ,we
 could not find words to express our    
admiration1 but an old gentleman who    
followed us everywhere--regretting no   
doubt his inability to share our        
sentiments--said in a tone of           
ill-temper3 ,oh1 what enthusiasts these 
,french people are6 and yet he also was 
,french4 ,i think the poor man would    
have done better to stay at home4       

,instead of enjoying the journey he was 
always grumbling3 nothing pleased him1  
neither cities1 hotels1 people1 nor     
anything else4 ,my ,father1 whose       
disposition was the exact opposite1 was 
quite content1 no matter what happened1 
and tried to cheer our friend1 offering 
him his place in the carriage or        
elsewhere1 and with his wonted goodness 
encouraging him to look on the bright   
side of things4 ,but nothing could cheer
 him4 ,how many different kinds of      
people we saw and how interesting it is 
to study the world when one is just     
about to leave it6  ,in ,venice the     
scene changed completely4 ,instead of   
the bustle of a large city1 silence     
reigned1 broken only by the lapping of  
the waters and the cries of the         
gondoliers as they plied their oars2 it 
is a city full of charm but full of     
sadness4 ,even the ,palace of the       
,doges1 splendid though it be1 is sad2  
we walked through halls whose vaulted   
roofs have long since ceased to re-echo 

the voices of the governors in their    
sentences of life and death4 ,its dark  
dungeons are no longer a living tomb for
 unfortunate prisoners to pine within4  
,while visiting these dreadful prisons  
,i fancied myself in the times of the   
martyrs1 and gladly would ,i have chosen
 this sombre abode for my dwelling if   
there had been any question of          
confessing my faith4 ,presently the     
guide's voice roused me from my reverie1
 and ,i crossed the ,bridge of ,sighs1  
so called because of the sighs uttered  
by the wretched prisoners as they passed
 from their dungeons to sentence and to 
death4 ,after leaving ,venice we visited
 ,padua and there venerated the relic of
 ,st4 ,anthony's tongue2 then ,bologna1 
where ,st4 ,catherine's body rests4 ,her
 face still bears the impress of the    
kiss bestowed on her by the ,infant     
,jesus4  ,i was indeed happy when on the
 way to ,loreto4 ,our ,lady had chosen  
an ideal spot in which to place her     
,holy ,house4 ,everything is poor1      

simple1 and primitive2 the women still  
wear the graceful dress of the country  
and have not1 as in the large towns1    
adopted the modern ,paris fashions4 ,i  
found ,loreto enchanting4 ,and what     
shall ,i say of the ,holy ,house8 ,i was
 overwhelmed with emotion when ,i       
realised that ,i was under the very roof
 that had sheltered the ,holy ,family4  
,i gazed on the same walls ,our ,lord   
had looked on4 ,i trod the ground once  
moistened with the sweat of ,st4        
,joseph's toil1 and saw the little      
chamber of the ,annunciation1 where the 
,blessed ,virgin ,mary held ,jesus in   
her arms after she had borne ,him there 
in her virginal womb4 ,i even put my    
,rosary into the little porringer used  
by the ,divine ,child4 ,how sweet those 
memories6  ,but our greatest joy was to 
receive ,jesus in ,his own ,house1 and  
thus become ,his living temple in the   
very place which ,he had honoured by    
,his ,divine ,presence4 ,according to   
,roman custom the ,blessed ,sacrament is

 reserved at one ,altar in each ,church1
 and there only is it given to the      
faithful4 ,at ,loreto this ,altar was in
 the ,basilica--which is built round the
 ,holy ,house1 enclosing it as a        
precious stone might be enclosed in a   
casket of white marble4 ,the exterior   
mattered little to us1 it was in the    
diamond itself that we wished to receive
 the ,bread of ,angels4 ,my ,father1    
with his habitual gentleness1 followed  
the other pilgrims1 but his daughters1  
less easily satisfied1 went towards the 
,holy ,house4  ,god favoured us1 for a  
,priest was on the point of celebrating 
,mass2 we told him of our great wish1   
and he immediately asked for two hosts1 
which he placed on the paten4 ,you may  
picture1 dear ,mother1 the ecstatic     
happiness of that ,communion2 no words  
can describe it4 ,what will be our joy  
when we communicate eternally in the    
dwelling of the ,king of ,heaven8 ,it   
will be undimmed by the grief of        
parting1 and will know no end4 ,his     

,house will be ours for all eternity1   
and there will be no need to covet      
fragments from the walls hallowed by the
 ,divine ,presence4 ,he will not give us
 ,his earthly ,home--,he only shows it  
to us to make us love poverty and the   
hidden life4 ,what ,he has in store for 
us is the ,palace of ,his ,glory1 where 
we shall no longer see ,him veiled under
 the form of a child or the appearance  
of bread1 but as ,he is1 in the         
brightness of ,his ,infinite ,beauty4   
,now ,i am going to tell you about      
,rome--,rome1 where ,i thought to find  
comfort and where ,i found the cross4   
,it was night when we arrived4 ,i was   
asleep1 and was awakened by the porters 
calling3 ,roma6 ,the pilgrims caught up 
the cry and repeated3 ,roma1 ,roma6     
,then ,i knew that it was not a dream1  
,i was really in ,rome6  ,our first day1
 and perhaps the most enjoyable1 was    
spent outside the walls4 ,there1        
everything retains its stamp of         
antiquity1 whilst in ,rome1 with its    

hotels and shops1 one might fancy       
oneself in ,paris4 ,this drive in the   
,roman ,campagna has left a specially   
delightful impression on my mind4  ,how 
shall ,i describe the feelings which    
thrilled me when ,i gazed on the        
,coliseum8 ,at last ,i saw the arena    
where so many ,martyrs had shed their   
blood for ,christ4 ,my first impulse was
 to kiss the ground sanctified by their 
glorious combats4 ,but what a           
disappointment6 ,the soil has been      
raised1 and the real arena is now buried
 at the depth of about twenty-six feet4 
,as the result of excavations the centre
 is nothing but a mass of rubbish1 and  
an insurmountable barrier guards the    
entrance2 in any case no one dare       
penetrate into the midst of these       
dangerous ruins4 ,but was it possible to
 be in ,rome and not go down to the real
 ,coliseum8 ,no1 indeed6 ,and ,i no     
longer listened to the guide's          
explanations3 one thought only filled my
 mind--,i must reach the arena4  ,we are

 told in the ,gospel that ,st4 ,mary    
,magdalen remained close to the         
,sepulchre and stooped down constantly  
to look in2 she was rewarded by seeing  
two ,angels4 ,so1 like her1 ,i kept     
stooping down and ,i saw1 not two       
,angels1 but what ,i was in search of4  
,i uttered a cry of joy and called out  
to my sister3 ,come1 follow me1 we shall
 be able to get through4 ,we hurried on 
at once1 scrambling over the ruins which
 crumbled under our feet4 ,papa1 aghast 
at our boldness1 called out to us1 but  
we did not hear4  ,as the warriors of   
old felt their courage grow in face of  
peril1 so our joy increased in          
proportion to the fatigue and danger we 
had to face to attain the object of our 
desires4 ,cline1 more foreseeing than   
,i1 had listened to the guide4 ,she     
remembered that he had pointed out a    
particular stone marked with a cross1   
and had told us it was the place where  
the ,martyrs had fought the good fight4 
,she set to work to find it1 and having 

done so we threw ourselves on our knees 
on this sacred ground4 ,our souls united
 in one and the same prayer4 ,my heart  
beat violently when ,i pressed my lips  
to the dust reddened with the blood of  
the early ,christians4 ,i begged for the
 grace to be a martyr for ,jesus1 and ,i
 felt in the depths of my heart that my 
prayer was heard4 ,all this took but a  
short time4 ,after collecting some      
stones we approached the walls once more
 to face the danger4 ,we were so happy  
that ,papa had not the heart to scold   
us1 and ,i could see that he was proud  
of our courage4  ,from the ,coliseum we 
went to the ,catacombs1 and there ,cline
 and ,i laid ourselves down in what had 
once been the tomb of ,st4 ,cecilia1 and
 took some of the earth sanctified by   
her holy remains4 ,before our journey to
 ,rome ,i had not felt any special      
devotion to ,st4 ,cecilia1 but on       
visiting the house where she was        
martyred1 and hearing her proclaimed    
,queen of harmony--because of the sweet 

song she sang in her heart to her       
,divine ,spouse--,i felt more than      
devotion towards her1 it was real love  
as for a friend4 ,she became my chosen  
patroness1 and the keeper of all my     
secrets2 her abandonment to ,god and her
 boundless confidence delighted me      
beyond measure4 ,they were so great that
 they enabled her to make souls pure    
which had never till then desired aught 
but earthly pleasures4  ,st4 ,cecilia is
 like the ,spouse in the ,canticles4 ,i 
find in her the ,scriptural choir in an 
armed camp4#aj ,her life was one        
melodious song in the midst of the      
greatest trials2 and this is not        
strange1 because we read that the ,book 
of the ,holy ,gospels lay ever on her   
heart1#aa while in her heart reposed the
 ,spouse of ,virgins4  ,our visit to the
 ,church of ,st4 ,agnes was also very   
delightful4 ,i tried1 but without       
success1 to obtain a relic to take back 
to my little ,mother1 ,sister ,agnes of 
,jesus4 ,men refused me1 but ,god       

,himself came to my aid3 a little bit of
 red marble1 from an ancient mosaic     
dating back to the time of the sweet    
martyr1 fell as my feet4 ,was this not  
touching8 ,st4 ,agnes herself gave me a 
keepsake from her house4  ,we spent six 
days in visiting the great wonders in   
,rome1 and on the seventh saw the       
greatest of all--,leo ,,xiii4 ,i longed 
for1 yet dreaded1 that day1 for on it   
depended my vocation4 ,i had received no
 answer from the ,bishop of ,bayeux1 and
 so the ,holy ,father's permission was  
my one and only hope4 ,but in order to  
obtain this permission ,i had first to  
ask it4 ,the mere thought made me       
tremble1 for ,i must dare speak to the  
,pope1 and that1 in presence of many    
,cardinals1 ,archbishops1 and ,bishops6 
,on ,sunday morning1 ,november #bj1 we  
went to the ,vatican1 and were taken to 
the ,pope's private chapel4 ,at eight   
o'clock we assisted at his ,mass1 during
 which his fervent piety1 worthy of the 
,vicar of ,christ1 gave evidence that he

 was in truth the ,holy ,father4  ,the  
,gospel for that day contained these    
touching words3 ,fear not1 little flock1
 for it hath pleased your ,father to    
give you a ,kingdom4#ab ,my heart was   
filled with perfect confidence4 ,no1 ,i 
would not fear1 ,i would trust that the 
,kingdom of the ,carmel would soon be   
mine4 ,i did not think of those other   
words of ,our ,lord3 ,i dispose to you1 
as my ,father hath disposed to ,me1 a   
,kingdom4#ac ,that is to say1 ,i will   
give you crosses and trials1 and thus   
will you become worthy to possess ,my   
,kingdom4 ,if you desire to sit on ,his 
right hand you must drink the chalice   
which ,he has drunk ,himself4#ad ,ought 
not ,christ to have suffered these      
things1 and so to enter into ,his       
glory8#ae  ,a ,mass of thanksgiving     
followed1 and then the audience began4  
,leo ,,xiii1 whose cassock and cape were
 of white1 was seated on a raised chair1
 and round him were grouped various     
dignitaries of the church4 ,according to

 custom each visitor knelt in turn and  
kissed1 first the foot and next the hand
 of the venerable ,pontiff1 and finally 
received his blessing2 then two of the  
,noble ,guard signed to the pilgrim that
 he must rise and pass on to the        
adjoining room to make way for those who
 followed4  ,no one uttered a word1 but 
,i was firmly determined to speak1 when 
suddenly the ,vicar-,general of ,bayeux1
 ,father ,rvrony1 who was standing at   
the ,pope's right hand1 told us in a    
loud voice that he absolutely forbade   
anyone to address the ,holy ,father4 ,my
 heart beat fast4 ,i turned to ,cline1  
mutely inquiring what ,i should do4     
,speak6 she said4  ,the next moment ,i  
found myself on my knees before the     
,holy ,father4 ,i kissed his foot and he
 held out his hand2 then raising my     
eyes1 which were filled with tears1 ,i  
said entreatingly3 ,holy ,father1 ,i    
have a great favour to ask you4 ,at once
 he bent towards me till his face almost
 touched mine1 and his piercing black   

eyes seemed to read my very soul4 ,holy 
,father1 ,i repeated1 in honour of your 
jubilee1 will you allow me to enter the 
,carmel when ,i am fifteen8  ,the       
,vicar-,general1 surprised and          
displeased1 said quickly3 ,holy ,father1
 this is a child who desires to become a
 ,carmelite1 but the ,superiors of the  
,carmel are looking into the matter4    
,well1 my child1 said ,his ,holiness1 do
 whatever the ,superiors decide4        
,clasping my hands and resting them on  
his knee1 ,i made a final effort3 ,holy 
,father1 if only you say 'yes1' everyone
 else would agree4  ,he looked at me    
fixedly and said clearly and            
emphatically3 ,well1 well6 ,you will    
enter if it is ,god's ,will4 ,i was     
going to speak again1 when the ,noble   
,guards motioned to me4 ,as ,i paid     
little attention they came forward1 the 
,vicar-,general with them1 for ,i was   
still kneeling before the ,pope with my 
hands resting on his knee4 ,just as ,i  
was forced to rise1 the dear ,holy      

,father gently placed his hand on my    
lips1 then lifted it to bless me1       
letting his eyes follow me for quite a  
long time4  ,my ,father was much        
distressed to find me coming from the   
audience in tears2 he had passed out    
before me1 and so did not know anything 
about my request4 ,the ,vicar-,general  
had shown him unusual kindness1         
presenting him to ,leo ,,xiii as the    
father of two ,carmelites4 ,the         
,sovereign ,pontiff1 as a special sign  
of benevolence1 had placed his hand on  
his head1 thus appearing in the name of 
,christ ,himself to mark him with a     
mysterious seal4 ,but now that this     
father of four ,carmelites is in        
,heaven1 it is no longer the hand of    
,christ's ,vicar which rests on his     
brow1 prophesying his martyrdom3 it is  
the hand of the ,spouse of ,virgins1 of 
the ,king of ,heaven2 and this ,divine  
,hand will never be taken away from the 
head which it has blessed4  ,this trial 
was indeed a heavy one1 but ,i must     

admit that in spite of my tears ,i felt 
a deep inward peace1 for ,i had made    
every effort in my power to respond to  
the appeal of my ,divine ,master4 ,this 
peace1 however1 dwelt in the depths of  
my soul--on the surface all was         
bitterness2 and ,jesus was              
silent--absent it would seem1 for       
nothing revealed that ,he was there4    
,on that day1 too1 the sun dared not    
shine1 and the beautiful blue sky of    
,italy1 hidden by dark clouds1 mingled  
its tears with mine4 ,all was at an end4
 ,my journey had no further charm for me
 since it had failed in its object4 ,it 
is true the ,holy ,father's words3 ,you 
will enter if it is ,god's ,will1 should
 have consoled me1 they were indeed a   
prophecy4 ,in spite of all these        
obstacles1 what ,god in ,his goodness   
willed1 has come to pass4 ,he has not   
allowed ,his creatures to do what they  
will but only what ,he wills4 ,sometime 
before this took place ,i had offered   
myself to the ,child ,jesus to be ,his  

little plaything4 ,i told ,him not to   
treat me like one of those precious toys
 which children only look at and dare   
not touch1 but to treat me like a little
 ball of no value1 that could be thrown 
on the ground1 kicked about1 pierced1   
left in a corner1 or pressed to ,his    
,heart just as it might please ,him4 ,in
 a word ,i wished to amuse the ,holy    
child and to let ,him play with me as   
,he fancied4 ,here indeed ,he was       
answering my prayer4 ,in ,rome ,jesus   
pierced ,his little plaything4 ,he      
wanted to see what was inside 4 4 4 and 
when satisfied1 ,he let it drop and went
 to sleep4 ,what was ,he doing during   
,his sweet slumber1 and what became of  
the ball thus cast on one side8 ,he     
dreamed that ,he was still at play1 that
 ,he took it up or threw it down1 that  
,he rolled it far away1 but at last ,he 
pressed it to ,his ,heart1 nor did ,he  
allow it again to slip from ,his tiny   
,hand4 ,dear ,mother1 you can imagine   
the sadness of the little ball lying    

neglected on the ground6 ,and yet it    
continued to hope against hope4  ,after 
our audience my ,father went to call on 
,brother ,simeon--the founder and       
director of ,st4 ,joseph's ,college--and
 there he met ,father ,rvrony4 ,he      
reproached him gently for not having    
helped me in my difficult task1 and told
 the whole story to ,brother ,simeon4   
,the good old man listened with much    
interest and even made notes1 saying    
with evident feeling3 ,this kind of     
thing is not seen in ,italy4  ,the next 
day we started for ,naples and ,pompeii4
 ,vesuvius did us the honour of emitting
 from its crater a thick volume of      
smoke1 accompanied by numerous loud     
reports4 ,the traces of the devastation 
of ,pompeii are terrifying4 ,they show  
forth the power of ,god3 ,he looketh    
upon the earth1 and maketh it tremble2  
,he toucheth the mountains and they     
smoke4  ,i should like to have wandered 
alone among its ruins1 meditating on the
 instability of human things1 but such  

solitude was not to be thought of4  ,at 
,naples we made an expedition to the    
monastery of ,san ,martino2 it crowns a 
high hill overlooking the whole city4   
,on the way back the horses took the bit
 in their teeth1 and it is solely to our
 ,guardian ,angels that ,i attribute our
 safe return to the splendid hotel4     
,this word splendid is not too strong to
 describe it2 in fact during the whole  
journey we stayed only at the most      
expansive hotels4 ,i had never been     
surrounded by such luxury1 but it is    
indeed a true saying that riches do not 
make happiness4 ,i should have been a   
thousand times more contented under a   
thatched room1 with the hope of entering
 the ,carmel1 than ,i was amid marble   
staircases1 gilded ceilings1 and silken 
hangings1 with my heart full of sorrow4 
,i realised thoroughly that joy is not  
found in the things which surround us1  
but lives only in the soul4 ,one could  
possess it as well in an obscure prison 
as in the palace of a king4 ,and so now 

,i am happier at the ,carmel1 in the    
midst of trials within and without1 than
 ,i was in the world where ,i had       
everything ,i wanted1 and1 above all1   
the joys of a happy home4  ,although ,i 
felt heavy of heart1 outwardly ,i was as
 usual1 for ,i thought no one had any   
knowledge of my petition to the ,pope4  
,i was mistaken4 ,one day1 when the     
other pilgrims had gone to the          
refreshment-room and ,cline and ,i were 
alone1 ,mgr4 ,legoux came to the door of
 the carriage4 ,he looked at me         
attentively and smiling said3 ,well1 and
 how is our little ,carmelite8 ,this    
showed me that my secret was known to   
all the pilgrims1 and ,i gathered it1   
too1 from their kindly looks2 but       
happily no one spoke to me on the       
subject4  ,at ,assisi ,i had a little   
adventure4 ,while visiting the places   
sanctified by the virtues of ,st4       
,francis and ,st4 ,clare ,i lost the    
buckle of my belt in the monastery4 ,it 
took me some time to find and put it    

back in place1 and when ,i reached the  
door all the carriages had started      
except one2 that belonged to the        
,vicar-,general of ,bayeux6 ,should ,i  
run after those which were no longer in 
sight and so perhaps miss the train1 or 
should ,i beg for a seat in the carriage
 of ,father ,rvrony8 ,i decided that    
this was the wiser plan4  ,i tried to   
hide my extreme embarrassment and       
explained things4 ,he was placed in a   
difficulty himself1 for all the seats   
were occupied1 but one of the party     
promptly gave me his place and sat by   
the driver4 ,i felt like a squirrel     
caught in a snare4 ,i was ill at ease in
 the midst of these great people1 and ,i
 had to sit face to face with the most  
formidable of all4 ,he was exceedingly  
kind1 however1 and now and then         
interrupted his conversation to talk to 
me about the ,carmel and promise that he
 would do all in his power to realise my
 desire of entering at fifteen4 ,this   
meeting was like balm to my wounds1     

though it did not prevent me from       
suffering4 ,i had now lost all trust in 
creatures and could only lean on ,god   
,himself4  ,and yet my distress did not 
hinder me from taking a deep interest in
 the holy places we visited4 ,in        
,florence we saw the shrine of ,st4     
,mary ,magdalen of ,pazzi1 in the choir 
of the ,carmelite ,church4 ,all the     
pilgrims wanted to touch the ,saint's   
tomb with their ,rosaries1 but my hand  
was the only one small enough to pass   
through the grating4 ,so ,i was deputed 
for this important and lengthy task1 and
 ,i did it with pride4  ,it was not the 
first time ,i had obtained special      
favours4 ,one day1 at ,santa ,croce1 in 
,rome1 we venerated the relics of the   
,true ,cross1 together with two of the  
,thorns1 and one of the ,sacred ,nails4 
,i wanted to examine them closely1 so ,i
 remained behind1 and when the monk in  
charge was going to replace them on the 
,altar1 ,i asked if ,i might touch the  
precious treasures4 ,he said ,i might do

 so1 but was doubtful if ,i should      
succeed2 however1 ,i put my little      
finger into one of the openings of the  
reliquary and was able to touch the     
,sacred ,nail once hallowed by the      
,blood of ,our ,saviour4 ,you see ,i    
behaved towards ,him like a child who   
thinks it may do as it pleases and looks
 on its ,father's treasures as its own4 
,having passed through ,pisa and ,genoa 
we came back to ,france by one of the   
loveliest routes4 ,at times we were     
close to the sea1 and one day during a  
storm it seemed as though the waves     
would reach the train4 ,farther on we   
travelled through plains covered with   
orange trees1 olives1 and feathery      
palms1 while at night the numerous      
seaports twinkled with lights1 and stars
 came out in the deep blue sky4 ,but ,i 
watched the fairy picture fade away from
 my eyes without any regret--my heart   
was set elsewhere4  ,my ,father proposed
 to take me to ,jerusalem1 but in spite 
of the natural wish ,i had to visit the 

places sanctified by ,our ,lord's       
,footsteps1 ,i was weary of earthly     
pilgrimages and only longed for the     
beauties of ,heaven4 ,in order to win   
these beauties for souls ,i wanted to   
become a prisoner as quickly as         
possible4 ,i felt that ,i must suffer   
and struggle still more before the gates
 of my blessed prison would open2 yet my
 trust in ,god did not grow less1 and ,i
 still hoped to enter at ,christmas4    
,we had hardly reached home when ,i paid
 a visit to the ,carmel4 ,you must      
remember well that interview1 dear      
,mother4 ,i left myself entirely in your
 hands1 for ,i had exhausted all my     
resources4 ,you told me to write to the 
,bishop and remind him of his promise4  
,i obeyed at once1 and as soon as my    
letter was posted ,i felt ,i should     
obtain the coveted permission without   
any delay4 ,alas6 each day brought fresh
 disappointments4 ,the beautiful feast  
of ,christmas dawned2 still ,jesus      
slept4 ,he left ,his little ball on the 

ground without even glancing that way4  
,this was indeed a sore trial1 but ,our 
,lord1 ,whose ,heart is always watching1
 taught me that ,he granted miracles to 
those whose faith is small as a grain of
 mustard seed1 in the hope of           
strengthening this slender faith2 whilst
 for ,his intimate friends1 for ,his    
,mother1 ,he did not work miracles till 
,he had proved their faith4 ,did ,he not
 permit ,lazarus to die even though     
,mary and ,martha had sent word that he 
was sick8 ,and at the marriage feast of 
,cana1 when ,our ,lady asked her ,divine
 ,son to aid the master of the house1   
did ,he not answer that ,his hour had   
not yet come8 ,but after the trial what 
a reward6 ,water is changed into wine1  
and ,lazarus rises from the dead4 ,in   
this way did my ,beloved act with ,his  
little ,thrse2 after ,he had tried her  
for a long time ,he granted all her     
desires4  ,for my ,new ,year's gift of  
#ahhh1 ,jesus again gave me ,his ,cross4
 ,you told me1 dear ,mother1 that you   

had had the ,bishop's answer since      
,december #bh1 the feast of ,holy       
,innocents2 that he authorised my       
immediate entry into the ,carmel1 but   
that nevertheless you had decided not to
 open its doors till after ,lent4 ,i    
could not restrain my tears at the      
thought of such a long delay4 ,this     
trial affected me in a special manner1  
for ,i felt my earthly ties were        
severed1 and yet the ,ark in its turn   
refused to admit the poor little dove4  
,how did these three months pass8 ,they 
were fruitful in sufferings and still   
more so in other graces4 ,at first the  
thought came into my mind that ,i would 
not put any extra restraint on myself1  
,i would lead a life somewhat less      
strictly ordered than was my custom4    
,but ,our ,lord made me understand the  
benefit ,i might derive from this time  
,he had granted me1 and ,i then resolved
 to give myself up to a more serious and
 mortified life4 ,when ,i say mortified1
 ,i do not mean that ,i imitated the    

penances of the ,saints2 far from       
resembling those beautiful souls who    
have practised all sorts of             
mortifications from their infancy1 ,i   
made mine consist in simply checking my 
inclinations1 keeping back an impatient 
answer1 doing little services to those  
around me without setting store thereby1
 and a hundred other things of the kind4
 ,by practising these trifles ,i        
prepared myself to become the ,spouse of
 ,jesus1 and ,i can never tell you1     
,mother1 how much the added delay helped
 me to grow in abandonment1 in humility1
 and in other virtues4   #a ,joel #b3ai4
  #b ,imitation of ,christ1 ,,iii1 xxiv4
 #b4  #c ,isa4 #fe3ae4  #d ,apoc4 #b3ag4
  #e #a ,cor4 #d3e4  #f ,matt4 #e3ac4   
#g ,tit4 #a3ae4  #h ,montmartre--the    
,mount of ,martyrs--is the hill whereon 
,st4 ,denis1 apostle and bishop of      
,paris1 was martyred with his two       
companions in the third century4 ,it was
 a famous place of pilgrimage in        
medieval times1 and here ,st4 ,ignatius 

and the first ,jesuits took their vows4 
,under the presidency of ,marshal       
,mac,mahon1 the erection of the         
well-known ,basilica was voted in #ahgc 
by the ,french ,chamber of ,deputies as 
a national act of reparation to the     
,sacred ,heart4 ,ed4  #i ,cemetery4  #aj
 ,cf4 ,cant4 #g3a4  #aa ,office of ,st4 
,cecilia4  #ab ,luke #ab3cb4  #ac ,luke 
#bb3bi4  #ad ,cf4 ,matt4 #bj3bb4  #ae   
,luke #bd3bf4     ,,chapter ,,vii ,,the 
,,little ,,flower ,,enters ,,the        
,,carmel  ,monday1 ,april #i1 #ahhh1    
being the ,feast of the ,annunciation1  
transferred from ,passiontide1 was the  
day chosen for me to enter the ,carmel4 
,on the evening before1 we were gathered
 around the table where ,i was to take  
my place for the last time4 ,these      
farewells are in themselves             
heartrending1 and just when ,i would    
have liked to be forgotten ,i received  
the tenderest expressions of affection1 
as if to increase the pain of parting4  
,the next morning1 after a last look at 

the happy home of my childhood1 ,i set  
out for the ,carmel1 where we all heard 
,mass4 ,at the moment of ,communion1    
when ,jesus had entered our hearts1 ,i  
heard sobs on all sides4 ,i did not shed
 a tear1 but as ,i led the way to the   
cloister door my heart beat so violently
 that ,i wondered if ,i were going to   
die4 ,oh1 the agony of that moment6 ,one
 must have experienced it in order to   
understand4 ,i embraced all my dear ones
 and knelt for my ,father's blessing4   
,he1 too1 knelt down and blessed me     
through his tears4 ,it was a sight to   
gladden the ,angels1 this old man giving
 his child to ,god while she was yet in 
the springtime of life4 ,at length the  
doors of the ,carmel closed upon me4 4 4
 4 ,i found a welcome in your arms1 dear
 ,mother1 and received the embraces of  
another family1 whose devotedness and   
love is not dreamt of by the outside    
world4  ,at last my desires were        
realised1 and ,i cannot describe the    
deep sweet peace which filled my soul4  

,this peace has remained with me during 
the eight and a half years of my life   
here1 and has never left me even amid   
the greatest trials4  ,everything in the
 ,convent delighted me1 especially our  
little cell4#a ,i fancied myself        
transported to the desert4 ,i repeat    
that my happiness was calm and          
peaceful--not even the lightest breeze  
ruffled the tranquil waters on which my 
little barque sailed2 no cloud darkened 
the blue sky4 ,i felt fully recompensed 
for all ,i had gone through1 and ,i kept
 saying3 ,now ,i am here for ever4 ,mine
 was no passing joy1 it did not fade    
like first illusions4 ,from illusions   
,god in ,his ,mercy has ever preserved  
me4 ,i found the religious life just    
what ,i expected1 and sacrifice was     
never a matter of surprise4 ,yet you    
know well that from the beginning my    
ways was strewn with thorns rather than 
with roses4  ,in the first place1 my    
soul had for its daily food the bread of
 spiritual dryness4 ,then1 too1 dear    

,mother1 ,our ,lord allowed you1        
unconsciously1 to treat me very         
severely4 ,you found fault with me      
whenever you met me4 ,i remember once ,i
 had left a cobweb in the cloister1 and 
you said to me before the whole         
community3 ,it is easy to see that our  
cloisters are swept by a child of       
fifteen4 ,it is disgraceful6 ,go and    
sweep away that cobweb1 and be more     
careful in future4  ,on the rare        
occasions when ,i spent an hour with you
 for spiritual direction1 you seemed to 
be scolding me nearly all the time1 and 
what pained me most of all was that ,i  
did not see how to correct my faults3   
for instance1 my slow ways and want of  
thoroughness in my duties1 faults which 
you were careful to point out4  ,one day
 it occurred to me that you would       
certainly prefer me to spend my free    
time in work instead of in prayer1 as   
was my custom2 so ,i plied my needle    
industriously without even raising my   
eyes4 ,no one ever knew of this1 as ,i  

wished to be faithful to ,our ,lord and 
do things solely for ,him to see4  ,when
 ,i was a postulant our ,mistress used  
to send me every afternoon at half-past 
four to weed the garden4 ,this was a    
real penance1 the more so1 dear ,mother1
 because ,i was almost sure to meet you 
on the way1 and once you remarked3      
,really1 this child does absolutely     
nothing4 ,what are we to think of a     
novice who must have a walk every day8  
,and yet1 dear ,mother1 how grateful ,i 
am to you for giving me such a sound and
 valuable training4 ,it was an          
inestimable grace4 ,what should ,i have 
become1 if1 as the world outside        
believed1 ,i had been but the pet of the
 ,community8 ,perhaps1 instead of seeing
 ,our ,lord in the person of my         
superiors1 ,i should only have          
considered the creature1 and my heart1  
which had been so carefully guarded in  
the world1 would have been ensnared by  
human affection in the cloister4        
,happily1 your motherly prudence saved  

me from such a disaster4  ,and not only 
in this matter1 but in other and more   
bitter trials1 ,i can truly say that    
,suffering opened her arms to me from   
the first1 and ,i took her to my heart4 
,in the solemn examination before my    
profession ,i declared--as was          
customary--the reason of my entry into  
the ,carmel3 ,i have come to save souls1
 and especially to pray for ,priests4   
,one cannot attain the end without      
adopting the means1 and as ,our ,lord   
made me understand that it was by the   
,cross ,he would give me souls1 the more
 crosses ,i met with1 the stronger grew 
my attraction to suffering4 ,for five   
years this way was mine1 but ,i alone   
knew it2 this was precisely the flower  
,i wished to offer to ,jesus1 a hidden  
flower which keeps its perfume only for 
,heaven4  ,two months after my entry    
,father ,pichon was surprised at the    
workings of grace in my soul2 he thought
 my piety childlike and my path an easy 
one4 ,my conversation with this good    

,father would have brought me great     
comfort1 had it not been for the extreme
 difficulty ,i found in opening my      
heart4 ,nevertheless ,i made a general  
confession1 and after it he said to me3 
,before ,god1 the ,blessed ,virgin1 and 
,angels1 and all the ,saints1 ,i declare
 that you have never committed a mortal 
sin4 ,thank ,god for the favours ,he has
 so freely bestowed on you without any  
merit on your part4  ,without any merit 
on my part6 ,that was not difficult to  
believe4 ,fully conscious of my weakness
 and imperfection1 my heart overflowed  
with gratitude4 ,i had distressed       
myself1 fearing ,i might have stained my
 baptismal robe1 and this assurance1    
coming as it did from the lips of a     
director1 a man of wisdom and holiness1 
such as our ,mother ,st4 ,teresa        
desired1 seemed to come from ,god       
,himself4 ,father ,pichon added3 ,may   
,our ,lord always be your ,superior and 
your ,novice ,master6 ,and indeed ,he   
ever was1 and likewise my ,director4 ,in

 saying this ,i do not mean to imply    
that ,i was not communicative with my   
superiors2 far from being reserved1 ,i  
always tried to be as an open book4     
,our ,mistress was a true saint1 the    
perfect type of the first ,carmelites1  
and ,i seldom left her side1 for she had
 to teach me how to work4 ,her kindness 
was beyond words1 ,i loved and          
appreciated her1 and yet my soul did not
 expand4 ,i could not explain myself1   
words failed me1 and so the time of     
spiritual direction became a veritable  
martyrdom4  ,one of the older nuns      
seemed to understand what ,i felt1 for  
she once said to me during recreation3  
,i should think1 child1 you have not    
much to tell your superiors4 ,why do you
 think that1 dear ,mother8 ,i asked4    
,because your soul is very simple2 but  
when you are perfect you will become    
more simple still4 ,the nearer one      
approaches ,god1 the simpler one        
becomes4  ,this good ,mother was right4 
,nevertheless the great difficulty ,i   

found in opening my heart1 though it    
came from simplicity1 was a genuine     
trial4 ,now1 however1 without having    
lost my simplicity1 ,i am able to       
express my thoughts with the greatest   
ease4  ,i have already said that ,our   
,lord ,himself had acted as my          
,spiritual ,guide4 ,hardly had ,father  
,pichon become my director when his     
,superiors sent him to ,canada4 ,i was  
only able to hear from him once in the  
year1 so now the ,little ,flower which  
had been transplanted to the mountain of
 ,carmel quickly turned to the ,director
 of ,directors1 and unfolded itself     
under the shadow of ,his ,cross1 having 
for refreshing dew ,his ,tears1 ,his    
,precious ,blood1 and for radiant sun   
,his ,adorable ,face4  ,until then ,i   
had not appreciated the beauties of the 
,holy ,face2 it was my dear ,mother1    
,agnes of ,jesus1 who unveiled them to  
me4 ,as she had been the first of her   
sisters to enter the ,carmel1 so she was
 the first to penetrate the mysteries of

 love hidden in the ,face of ,our       
,divine ,spouse4 ,then she showed them  
to me and ,i understood better than     
ever1 in what true glory consists4 ,he  
whose ,kingdom is not of this world#b   
taught me that the only royalty to be   
coveted lies in being unknown and       
esteemed as naught1#c and in the joy of 
self-abasement4 ,and ,i wished that my  
face1 like the ,face of ,jesus1 should  
be1 as it were1 hidden and despised1#d  
so that no one on earth should esteem   
me4 ,i thirsted to suffer and to be     
forgotten4  ,most merciful has been the 
way by which the ,divine ,master has    
ever led me4 ,he has never inspired me  
with any desire and left it unsatisfied1
 and that is why ,i have always found   
,his bitter chalice full of sweetness4  
,at the end of ,may1 ,marie1 our eldest1
 was professed1 and ,thrse1 the         
,benjamin1 had the privilege of crowning
 her with roses on the day of her       
mystical espousals4 ,after this happy   
feast trials again came upon us4 ,ever  

since his first attack of paralysis we  
realised that my ,father was very easily
 tired4 ,during our journey to ,rome ,i 
often noticed that he seemed exhausted  
and in pain4 ,but1 above all1 ,i        
remarked his progress in the path of    
holiness2 he had succeeded in obtaining 
a complete mastery over the impetuosity 
of his natural disposition1 and earthly 
things were unable to ruffle his calm4  
,let me give you an instance4  ,during  
our pilgrimage we were in the train for 
days and nights together1 and to wile   
away the time our companions played     
cards1 and occasionally grew very noisy4
 ,one day they asked us to join them1   
but we refused1 saying we knew little   
about the game2 we did not find the time
 long--only too short1 indeed1 to enjoy 
the beautiful views which opened before 
us4 ,presently their annoyance became   
evident1 and then dear ,papa began      
quietly to defend us1 pointing out that 
as we were on pilgrimage1 more of our   
time might be given to prayer4  ,one of 

the players1 forgetting the respect due 
to age1 called out thoughtlessly3 ,thank
 ,god1 ,pharisees are rare6 ,my ,father 
did not answer a word1 he even seemed   
pleased2 and later on he found an       
opportunity of shaking hands with this  
man1 and of speaking so pleasantly that 
the latter must have thought his rude   
words had either not been heard1 or at  
least were forgotten4  ,his habit of    
forgiveness did not date from this day2 
my ,mother and all who knew him bore    
witness that no uncharitable word ever  
passed his lips4  ,his faith and        
generosity were likewise equal to any   
trial4 ,this is how he announced my     
departure to one of his friends3 ,thrse1
 my little ,queen1 entered the ,carmel  
yesterday4 ,god alone could ask such a  
sacrifice2 but ,he helps me so mightily 
that even in the midst of tears my heart
 is overflowing with joy4  ,this        
faithful servant must needs receive a   
reward worthy of his virtues1 and he    
himself claimed that reward4 ,you       

remember the interview when he said to  
us3 ,children1 ,i have just come back   
from ,alenon1 and there1 in the ,church 
of ,notre ,dame1 ,i received such graces
 and consolations that ,i made this     
prayer3 ',my ,god1 it is too much1 yes1 
,i am too happy2 ,i shall not get to    
,heaven like this1 ,i wish to suffer    
something for ,thee--and ,i offered     
myself as a'--the word victim died on   
his lips4 ,he dared not pronounce it    
before us1 but we understood4 ,you know1
 dear ,mother1 the story of our trial2  
,i need not recall its sorrowful        
details4  ,and now my clothing day drew 
near4 ,contrary to all expectations1 my 
,father had recovered from a second     
attack1 and the ,bishop fixed the       
ceremony for ,january #aj4 ,the time of 
waiting had been long indeed1 but now   
what a beautiful feast6 ,nothing was    
wanting1 not even snow4  ,do you        
remember my telling you1 dear ,mother1  
how fond ,i am of snow8 ,while ,i was   
still quite small1 its whiteness        

entranced me4 ,why had ,i such a fancy  
for snow8 ,perhaps it was because1 being
 a little winter flower1 my eyes first  
saw the earth clad in its beautiful     
white mantle4 ,so1 on my clothing day1  
,i wished to see it decked1 like myself1
 in spotless white4 ,the weather was so 
mild that it might have been spring1 and
 ,i no longer dared hope for snow4 ,the 
morning of the feast brought no change  
and ,i gave up my childish desire1 as   
impossible to be realised4 ,my ,father  
came to meet me at the enclosure door1  
his eyes full of tears1 and pressing me 
to his heart exclaimed3 ,ah6 ,here is my
 little ,queen6 ,then1 giving me his    
arm1 we made our solemn entry into the  
public ,chapel4 ,this was his day of    
triumph1 his last feast on earth2 now   
his sacrifice was complete1 and his     
children belonged to ,god4#e ,cline had 
already confided to him that later on   
she also wished to leave the world for  
the ,carmel4 ,on hearing this he was    
beside himself with joy3 ,let us go     

before the ,blessed ,sacrament1 he said1
 and thank ,god for all the graces ,he  
has granted us and the honour ,he has   
paid me in choosing ,his ,spouses from  
my household4 ,god has indeed done me   
great honour in asking for my children4 
,if ,i possessed anything better ,i     
would hasten to offer it to ,him4 ,that 
something better was himself1 and ,god  
received him as a victim of holocaust2  
,he tried him as gold in the furnace1   
and found him worthy of ,himself4#f     
,after the ceremony in the ,chapel ,i   
re-entered the ,convent and the ,bishop 
intoned the ,te ,deum4 ,one of the      
,priests observed to him that this hymn 
of thanksgiving was only sung at        
professions1 but1 once begun1 it was    
continued to the end4 ,was it not right 
that this feast should be complete1     
since in it all other joyful days were  
reunited8  ,the instant ,i set foot in  
the enclosure again my eyes fell on the 
statue of the ,child ,jesus smiling on  
me amid the flowers and lights2 then1   

turning towards the quadrangle1 ,i saw  
that1 in spite of the mildness of the   
weather1 it was covered with snow4 ,what
 a delicate attention on the part of    
,jesus6 ,gratifying the least wish of   
,his little ,spouse1 ,he even sent her  
this4 ,where is the creature so mighty  
that he can make one flake of it fall to
 please his beloved8  ,everyone was     
amazed1 and since then many people1     
hearing of my desire1 have described    
this event as the little miracle of my  
clothing day1 and thought it strange ,i 
should be so fond of snow4 ,so much the 
better1 it shows still more the         
wonderful condescension of the ,spouse  
of ,virgins--of ,him ,who loves lilies  
white as the snow4 ,after the ceremony  
the ,bishop entered4 ,he gave me many   
proofs of his fatherly tenderness1 and1 
in presence of all the ,priests1 spoke  
of my visit to ,bayeux and the journey  
to ,rome2 nor did he forget to tell them
 how ,i had put up my hair before       
visiting him4 ,then1 laying his hand on 

my head1 he blessed me affectionately4  
,my mind dwelt with ineffable sweetness 
on the caresses ,our ,lord will soon    
lavish upon me before all the ,saints1  
and this consoling thought was a        
foretaste of ,heaven4 ,i have just said 
that ,january #aj was a day of triumph  
for my dear ,father4 ,i liken it to the 
feast of the entry of ,christ into      
,jerusalem1 on ,palm ,sunday4 ,as in the
 case of ,our ,divine ,master1 his day  
of triumph was followed by long days of 
sorrow2 and1 even as the agony of ,jesus
 pierced the heart of ,his divine       
,mother1 so our hearts were deeply      
wounded by the humiliations and         
sufferings of him1 whom we loved best on
 earth4 4 4 4 ,i remember that in the   
month of ,june #ahhh1 when we were      
fearing another stroke of paralysis1 ,i 
surprised our ,novice ,mistress by      
saying3 ,i am suffering a great deal1   
,mother1 yet ,i feel ,i can suffer still
 more4 ,i did not then foresee the trial
 awaiting us4 ,i did not know that on   

,february #ab1 one month after my       
clothing day1 our beloved ,father would 
drink so deeply of such a bitter        
chalice4 ,i no longer said ,i could     
suffer more1 words cannot express our   
grief2 nor shall ,i attempt to describe 
it here4  ,in ,heaven1 we shall enjoy   
dwelling on these dark days of exile4   
,yet the three years of my ,father's    
martyrdom seem to me the sweetest and   
most fruitful of our lives4 ,i would not
 exchange them for the most sublime     
ecstasies1 and my heart cries out in    
gratitude for such a priceless treasure3
 ,we have rejoiced for the days wherein 
,thou hast afflicted us4#g ,precious and
 sweet was this bitter cross1 and our   
hearts only breathed out sighs of       
grateful love4 ,we no longer walked--we 
ran1 we flew along the path of          
perfection4  ,lonie and ,cline1 though  
living in the world1 were no longer of  
the world4 ,the letters they wrote were 
full of the most edifying resignation4  
,and what talks ,i had with ,cline6 ,far

 from separating us1 the grating of the 
,carmel united us more closely3 the same
 thoughts1 the same desires1 the same   
love for ,our ,lord and for souls1 made 
our very life4 ,not a word concerning   
things of earth entered into our        
conversation2 but1 just as in former    
days we lifted longing eyes to ,heaven1 
so now our hearts strained after the    
joys beyond time and space1 and1 for the
 sake of an eternal happiness1 we chose 
to suffer and be despised here below4   
,though my suffering seemed to have     
reached its height1 yet my attraction   
thereto did not grow less1 and soon my  
soul shared in the trials my heart had  
to bear4 ,my spiritual aridity          
increased1 and ,i found no comfort      
either in ,heaven or on earth2 yet1 amid
 these waters of tribulation that ,i had
 so thirsted for1 ,i was the happiest of
 mortals4  ,thus passed the time of my  
betrothal1 too long a time for me4 ,at  
the end of the year you told me1 dear   
,mother1 that ,i must not yet think of  

my profession1 as our ,ecclesiastical   
,superior expressly forbade it4 ,i had  
therefore to wait for eight months more4
 ,at first ,i found it very difficult to
 be resigned to such a sacrifice1 but   
divine light penetrated my soul before  
long4  ,at this time ,i was using for my
 meditations ,surin's ,foundations of   
the ,spiritual life4 ,one day during    
prayer1 it was brought home to me that  
my too eager desire to take my vows was 
mingled with much self-love2 as ,i      
belonged to ,our ,lord and was ,his     
little plaything to console and please  
,him1 it was for me to do ,his ,will1   
not for ,him to do mine4 ,i also        
understood that a bride would not be    
pleasing to the bridegroom on her       
wedding day were she not magnificently  
attired4 ,but1 what had ,i made ready8  
,so ,i said to ,our ,lord3 ,i do not ask
 ,thee to hasten the day of my          
profession1 ,i will wait as long as     
,thou pleasest1 only ,i cannot bear that
 through any fault of mine my union with

 ,thee should be delayed2 ,i will set to
 work and carefully prepare a           
wedding-dress enriched with diamonds and
 precious stones1 and1 when ,thou       
findest it sufficiently rich1 ,i am sure
 that nothing will keep ,thee from      
accepting me as ,thy ,spouse4  ,i took  
up the task with renewed zest4 ,since my
 clothing day ,i had received abundant  
lights on religious perfection1 chiefly 
concerning the vow of poverty4 ,whilst  
,i was a postulant ,i liked to have nice
 things to use and to find everything   
needful ready to hand4 ,jesus bore with 
me patiently1 for ,he gives ,his light  
little by little4 ,at the beginning of  
my spiritual life1 about the age of     
fourteen1 ,i used to ask myself how1 in 
days to come1 ,i should more clearly    
understand the true meaning of          
perfection4 ,i imagined ,i then         
understood it completely1 but ,i soon   
came to realise that the more one       
advances along this path the farther one
 seems from the goal1 and now ,i am     

resigned to be always imperfect1 and ,i 
even find joy therein4  ,to return to   
the lessons which ,our ,lord taught me4 
,one evening after ,compline ,i searched
 in vain for our lamp on the shelves    
where they are kept1 and1 as it was the 
time of the ,great ,silence1 ,i could   
not recover it4 ,i guessed rightly that 
a ,sister1 believing it to be her own1  
had taken it2 but just on that evening  
,i had counted much on doing some work1 
and was ,i to spend a whole hour in the 
dark on account of this mistake8        
,without the interior light of grace ,i 
should undoubtedly have pitied myself1  
but1 with that light1 ,i felt happy     
instead of aggrieved1 and reflected that
 poverty consists in being deprived not 
only of what is convenient1 but of what 
is necessary4 ,and1 in this exterior    
darkness1 ,i found my soul illumined by 
a brightness that was divine4  ,at this 
time ,i was seized with a craving for   
whatever was ugly and inconvenient2 and 
was thus quite pleased when a pretty    

little jug was taken from our cell and a
 large chipped one put in its place4 ,i 
also tried hard not to make excuses1 but
 ,i found this very difficult1          
especially with our ,mistress2 from her 
,i did not like to hide anything4  ,my  
first victory was not a great one1 but  
it cost me a good deal4 ,a small jar1   
left behind a window1 was found broken4 
,no one knew who had put it there1 but  
our ,mistress was displeased1 and1      
thinking ,i was to blame in leaving it  
about1 told me ,i was very untidy and   
must be more careful in future4 ,without
 answering1 ,i kissed the ground and    
promised to be more observant4 ,i was so
 little advanced in virtue that these   
small sacrifices cost me dear1 and ,i   
had to console myself with the thought  
that at the day of ,judgment all would  
be known4  ,above all ,i endeavoured to 
practise little hidden acts of virtue2  
thus ,i took pleasure in folding the    
mantles forgotten by the ,sisters1 and  
,i sought for every possible occasion of

 helping them4 ,one of ,god's gifts was 
a great attraction towards penance1 but 
,i was not permitted to satisfy it2 the 
only mortification allowed me consisted 
in mortifying my self-love1 and this did
 me far more good than bodily penance   
would have done4  ,however1 ,our ,lady  
helped me with my wedding-dress1 and1 as
 soon as it was finished1 every obstacle
 vanished and my profession was fixed   
for ,september #h1 #ahij4  ,all that ,i 
have set down in these few words would  
take many pages to relate2 but those    
pages will never be read on earth4 4 4 4
   #a ,nuns1 in the spirit of poverty1  
avoid using the word my1 as denoting    
private possessions2 so1 later on1 our  
lamp1 our handkerchief1 will occur4 ,ed4
  #b ,john #ah3cf4  #c ,imit41 ,i1 ii4  
#c4  #d ,is4 #ec3c4  #e ,lonie1 having  
entered an order too severe for her     
delicate health1 had been obliged to    
return home to her ,father4 ,later she  
became a ,visitation nun at ,caen1 and  
took the name of ,sister ,frances       

,teresa4  #f ,cf4 ,wisdom #c3e1f4  #g   
,ps4 #hiij3ae4     ,,chapter ,,viii     
,,profession ,,of ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se    
,need ,i tell you1 dear ,mother1 about  
the retreat before my profession8 ,far  
from receiving consolation1 ,i went     
through it in a state of utter dryness  
and as if abandoned by ,god4 ,jesus1 as 
was ,his wont1 slept in my little       
barque4 ,how rarely do souls suffer ,him
 to sleep in peace6 ,this ,good ,master 
is so wearied with continually making   
fresh advances that ,he eagerly avails  
,himself of the repose ,i offer ,him1   
and1 no doubt1 ,he will sleep on until  
my great and everlasting retreat2 but1  
instead of being grieved at this1 ,i am 
glad4  ,in truth ,i am no ,saint1 as    
this frame of mind well shows4 ,i ought 
not to rejoice in my dryness of soul1   
but rather attribute it to my want of   
fervour and fidelity4 ,that ,i fall     
asleep so often during meditation1 and  
thanksgiving after ,communion1 should   
distress me4 ,well1 ,i am not           

distressed4 ,i reflect that little      
children are equally dear to their      
parents whether they are asleep or      
awake2 that1 in order to perform        
operations1 doctors put their patients  
to sleep2 and finally that ,the ,lord   
knoweth our frame1 ,he remembereth that 
we are but dust4#a ,yet1 apparently     
barren as was my retreat--and those     
which followed have been no less so--,i 
unconsciously received many interior    
lights on the best means of pleasing    
,god1 and practising virtue4 ,i have    
often observed that ,our ,lord will not 
give me any store of provisions1 but    
nourishes me each moment with food that 
is ever new2 ,i find it within me       
without knowing how it has come there4  
,i simply believe that it is ,jesus     
,himself hidden in my poor heart1 who is
 secretly at work1 inspiring me with    
what ,he wishes me to do as each        
occasion arises4  ,shortly before my    
profession ,i received the ,holy        
,father's blessing1 through the hands of

 ,brother ,simeon2 and this precious    
,blessing undoubtedly helped me through 
the most terrible storm of my whole     
life4  ,on the eve of the great day1    
instead of being filled with the        
customary sweetness1 my vocation        
suddenly seemed to me as unreal as a    
dream4 ,the devil--for it was he--made  
me feel sure that ,i was wholly unsuited
 for life in the ,carmel1 and that ,i   
was deceiving my superiors by entering  
on a way to which ,i was not called4    
,the darkness was so bewildering that ,i
 understood but one thing--,i had no    
religious vocation1 and must return to  
the world4 ,i cannot describe the agony 
,i endured4 ,what was ,i to do in such a
 difficulty8 ,i chose the right course1 
deciding to tell my ,novice ,mistress of
 the temptation without delay4 ,i sent  
for her to come out of choir1 and though
 full of confusion1 ,i confessed the    
state of my soul4 ,fortunately she saw  
more clearly than ,i did1 and reassured 
me completely by laughing frankly at my 

story4 ,the devil was put to instant    
flight by my humble avowal2 what he     
wanted was to keep me from speaking1 and
 thus draw me into his snares4 ,but it  
was my turn now to ensnare him1 for1 to 
make my humiliation more complete1 ,i   
also told you everything1 dear ,mother1 
and your consoling words dispelled my   
last fears4  ,on the morning of         
,september #h1 a wave of peace flooded  
my soul1 and1 in that peace which       
surpasseth all understanding1#b ,i      
pronounced my holy vows4  ,many were the
 graces ,i asked4 ,i felt myself truly a
 queen and took advantage of my title to
 obtain every favour from the ,king for 
,his ungrateful subjects4 ,no one was   
forgotten4 ,i wished that every sinner  
on earth might be converted2 that on    
that day ,purgatory should set its      
captives free2 and ,i bore upon my heart
 this letter containing what ,i desired 
for myself3  ,o ,jesus1 my ,divine      
,spouse1 grant that my baptismal robe   
may never be sullied4 ,take me from this

 world rather than let me stain my soul 
by committing the least wilful fault4   
,may ,i never seek or find aught but    
,thee alone6 ,may all creatures be      
nothing to me and ,i nothing to them6   
,may no earthly thing disturb my peace6 
,o ,jesus1 ,i ask but ,peace4 4 4 4     
,peace1 and above all1 ,love4 4 4 4     
,love--without limit4 ,jesus1 ,i ask    
that for ,thy sake ,i may die a ,martyr2
 give me martyrdom of soul or body4 ,or 
rather give me both the one and the     
other4  ,grant that ,i may fulfill my   
engagements in all their perfection2    
that no one may think of me2 that ,i may
 be trodden under foot1 forgotten1 as a 
little grain of sand4 ,i offer myself to
 ,thee1 ,o my ,beloved1 that ,thou      
mayest ever perfectly accomplish in me  
,thy ,holy ,will1 without let or        
hindrance from creatures4  ,when at the 
close of this glorious day ,i laid my   
crown of roses1 according to custom1 at 
,our ,lady's feet1 it was without       
regret4 ,i felt that time would never   

lessen my happiness4  ,it was the       
,nativity of ,mary4 ,what a beautiful   
feast on which to become the ,spouse of 
,jesus6 ,it was the little new-born     
,holy ,virgin who presented her little  
,flower to the little ,jesus4 ,that day 
everything was little except the graces 
,i received--except my peace and joy in 
gazing upon the beautiful star-lit sky  
at night1 and in thinking that soon ,i  
should fly away to ,heaven and be united
 to my ,divine ,spouse amid eternal     
bliss4  ,on ,september #bd took place   
the ceremony of my receiving the veil4  
,this feast was indeed veiled in tears4 
,papa was too ill to come and bless his 
little ,queen2 at the last minute ,mgr4 
,hugonin1 who should have presided1 was 
unable to do so1 and1 for other reasons 
also1 the day was a painful one4 ,and   
yet amid it all1 my soul was profoundly 
at peace4 ,that day it pleased ,our     
,lord that ,i should not be able to     
restrain my tears1 and those tears were 
not understood4 ,it is true ,i had borne

 far harder trials without shedding a   
tear2 but then ,i had been helped by    
special graces1 whilst on this day      
,jesus left me to myself1 and ,i soon   
showed my weakness4  ,eight days after  
,i had taken the veil my cousin1 ,jeanne
 ,gurin1 was married to ,dr4 ,la ,nele4 
,when she came to see us afterwards and 
,i heard of all the little attentions   
she lavished on her husband1 my heart   
thrilled and ,i thought3 ,it shall never
 be said that a woman in the world does 
more for her husband than ,i do for     
,jesus1 my ,beloved4 ,and1 filled with  
fresh ardour1 ,i set myself more        
earnestly than ever to please my        
,heavenly ,spouse1 the ,king of ,kings1 
,who had deigned to honour me by a      
divine alliance4  ,having seen the      
letter announcing the marriage1 ,i      
amused myself by composing the following
 invitation1 which ,i read to the       
novices in order to bring home to them  
what had struck me so forcibly--that the
 glory of all earthly unions is as      

nothing compared to the titles of a     
,spouse of ,our ,divine ,lord4  ,god    
,almighty1 ,creator of ,heaven and      
,earth1 ,sovereign ,ruler of the        
,universe1 and the ,glorious ,virgin    
,mary1 ,queen of the ,heavenly ,court1  
announce to you the ,spiritual          
,espousals of their ,august ,son1       
,jesus1 ,king of ,kings and ,lord of    
,lords1 with little ,thrse ,martin1 now 
,princess and ,lady of ,his ,kingdoms of
 the ,holy ,childhood and the ,passion1 
assigned to her as a dowry1 by her      
,divine ,spouse1 from which ,kingdoms   
she holds her titles of nobility--of the
 ,child ,jesus and of the ,holy ,face4  
,it was not possible to invite you to   
the ,wedding ,feast which took place on 
the ,mountain of ,carmel1 ,september #h1
 #ahij--the ,heavenly ,court was alone  
admitted--but you are requested to be   
present at the ,wedding ,feast which    
will take place to-morrow1 the day of   
,eternity1 when ,jesus1 the ,son of     
,god1 will come in the clouds of        

,heaven1 in the splendour of ,his       
,majesty1 to judge the living and the   
dead4  ,the hour being still uncertain1 
you are asked to hold yourselves in     
readiness and watch4#c  ,and now1       
,mother1 what more shall ,i say8 ,it was
 through your hands that ,i gave myself 
to ,our ,lord1 and you have known me    
from childhood--need ,i write my        
secrets8 ,forgive me if ,i cut short the
 story of my religious life4  ,during   
the general retreat following my        
profession ,i received great graces4 ,as
 a rule ,i find preached retreats most  
trying1 but this one was quite an       
exception4 ,i anticipated so much       
suffering that ,i prepared myself by a  
fervent novena4 ,it was said that the   
good ,priest understood better how to   
convert sinners than to direct the souls
 of nuns4 ,well then1 ,i must be a great
 sinner1 for ,god made use of this holy 
religious to bring me much consolation4 
,at that time ,i had all kinds of       
interior trials which ,i found it       

impossible to explain to anyone2        
suddenly1 ,i was able to lay open my    
whole soul4 ,the ,father understood me  
in a marvellous way2 he seemed to divine
 my state1 and launched me full sail    
upon that ocean of confidence and love  
in which ,i had longed to advance1 but  
so far had not dared4 ,he told me that  
my faults did not pain the ,good ,god1  
and added3 ,at this moment ,i hold ,his 
place1 and ,i assure you from ,him that 
,he is well pleased with your soul4 ,how
 happy these consoling words made me6 ,i
 had never been told before that it was 
possible for faults not to pain the     
,sacred ,heart2 this assurance filled me
 with joy and helped me to bear with    
patience the exile of this life4 ,it was
 also the echo of my inmost thoughts4   
,in truth ,i had long known that the    
,lord is more tender than a mother1 and 
,i have sounded the depths of more than 
one mother's heart4 ,i know that a      
mother is ever ready to forgive her     
child's small thoughtless faults4 ,how  

often have ,i not had this sweet        
experience6 ,no reproach could have     
touched me more than one single kiss    
from my ,mother4 ,my nature is such that
 fear makes me shrink1 while1 under     
love's sweet rule1 ,i not only          
advance--,i fly4  ,two months after this
 happy retreat our ,venerable           
,foundress1 ,mother ,genevieve of ,st4  
,teresa1 quitted our little convent to  
enter the ,heavenly ,carmel4 ,before    
speaking of my impressions at the time  
of her death1 ,i should like to tell you
 what a joy it was to have lived for    
some years with a soul whose holiness   
was not inimitable1 but lay in the      
practice of simple and hidden virtues4  
,more than once she was to me a source  
of great consolation4  ,one ,sunday ,i  
went to the infirmary to pay her a      
visit1 but1 as two of the older nuns    
were there1 ,i was retiring quietly1    
when she called me and said1 with       
something of inspiration in her manner3 
,wait1 my child1 ,i have just a word for

 you2 you are always asking me for a    
spiritual bouquet1 well1 to-day ,i give 
you this one3 ,serve the ,lord in peace 
and in joy4 ,remember that ,our ,god is 
the ,god of peace4  ,i thanked her quite
 simply and went out of the room4 ,i was
 moved almost to tears1 and was         
convinced that ,god had revealed to her 
the state of my soul4 ,that day ,i had  
been sorely tried1 almost to sadness4   
,such was the darkness that ,i no longer
 knew if ,i were beloved of ,god1 and   
so1 dear ,mother1 you can understand    
what light and consolation succeeded    
this gloom4  ,the following ,sunday ,i  
asked her whether she had received any  
revelation about me1 but she assured me 
that she had not1 and this only made me 
admire her the more1 for it showed how  
intimately ,jesus lived in her soul and 
directed her words and actions4 ,such   
holiness seems to me the most true1 the 
most holy2 it is the holiness ,i desire1
 for it is free from all illusion4  ,on 
the day when this revered ,mother ended 

her exile1 ,i received a very special   
grace4 ,it was the first time ,i had    
assisted at a death-bed1 yet though the 
sight enchanted me by its beauty1 my two
 hours of watching had made me very     
drowsy4 ,i was grieved at this1 but1 at 
the moment her soul took its flight to  
,heaven1 my feelings were completely    
changed4 ,in an instant ,i was filled   
with an indescribable joy and fervour1  
as if the soul of our blessed ,foundress
 made me share in the happiness she     
already enjoyed--for ,i am quite        
convinced she went straight to ,heaven4 
,i had said to her some time previously3
 ,you will not go to ,purgatory1 dear   
,mother4 ,i hope not1 she answered      
sweetly4 ,certainly ,god would not      
disappoint a hope so full of humility2  
and the proof that ,he did not1 lies in 
the many favours we have received4  ,the
 ,sisters hastened to claim something   
belonging to our beloved ,mother1 and   
you know what a precious relic is mine4 
,during her agony ,i had noticed a tear 

glistening like a beautiful diamond4    
,that tear1 the last she shed on this   
earth1 did not fall1 ,i still saw it    
shining when her body was exposed in the
 choir4 ,when evening came1 ,i made bold
 to approach unseen1 with a little piece
 of linen1 and ,i now have the happiness
 of possessing the last tear of a       
,saint4  ,i attach no importance to my  
dreams1 and indeed1 they seldom have any
 special meaning1 though ,i do often    
wonder how it is that1 as ,i think of   
,god all the day1 my mind does not dwell
 on ,him more in my sleep4 ,generally ,i
 dream of the woods and the flowers1 the
 brooks and the sea1 and nearly always  
of pretty children2 or ,i chase birds   
and butterflies such as ,i have never   
seen4 ,but1 if my dreams are sometimes  
poetical1 they are never mystical4      
,however1 one night after ,mother       
,genevieve's death1 ,i had a more       
consoling one4 ,i thought ,i saw her    
giving to each of us something that had 
belonged to herself4 ,when my turn came1

 her hands were empty1 and ,i was afraid
 ,i was not to receive anything2 but she
 looked at me lovingly1 and said three  
times3 ,to you ,i leave my heart4       
,about a month after that seraphic      
death1 towards the close of the year    
#ahia1 an epidemic of influenza raged in
 the ,community2 ,i only had it slightly
 and was able to be about with two other
 ,sisters4 ,it is impossible to imagine 
the heartrending state of our ,carmel   
throughout those days of sorrow4 ,the   
worst sufferers were nursed by those who
 could hardly drag themselves about2    
death was all around us1 and1 when a    
,sister had breathed her last1 we had to
 leave her instantly4  ,my nineteenth   
birthday was saddened by the death of   
,mother ,sub-,prioress2 ,i assisted with
 the infirmarian during her agony1 and  
two more deaths quickly followed4 ,i now
 had to do the ,sacristy work           
single-handed1 and ,i wonder sometimes  
how ,i was equal to it all4  ,one       
morning1 when it was time to rise1 ,i   

had a presentiment that ,sister         
,magdalen was no more4 ,the dormitory   
was quite in darkness1 no one was       
leaving her cell4 ,i decided1 however1  
to go in to ,sister ,magdalen1 and ,i   
found her dressed1 but lying dead on her
 bed4 ,i was not in the least afraid1   
and running to the ,sacristy ,i quickly 
brought a blessed candle1 and placed on 
her head a wreath of roses4 ,amid all   
this desolation ,i felt the ,hand of    
,god and knew that ,his ,heart was      
watching over us4 ,our dear ,sisters    
left this life for a happier one without
 any struggle2 an expression of heavenly
 joy shone on their faces1 and they     
seemed only to be enjoying a pleasant   
sleep4 ,during all these long and trying
 weeks ,i had the unspeakable           
consolation of receiving ,holy          
,communion every day4 ,how sweet it was6
 ,for a long time ,jesus treated me as a
 spoilt child1 for a longer time than   
,his more faithful ,spouses4 ,he came to
 me daily for several months after the  

influenza had ceased1 a privilege not   
granted to the ,community4 ,i had not   
asked this favour1 but ,i was           
unspeakably happy to be united day after
 day to my ,beloved4  ,great was my joy 
in being allowed to touch the ,sacred   
,vessels and prepare the ,altar linen on
 which ,our ,lord was to be laid4 ,i    
felt that ,i must increase in fervour1  
and ,i often recalled those words       
addressed to deacons at their           
ordination3 ,be you holy1 you who carry 
the ,vessels of the ,lord4  ,what can ,i
 tell you1 dear ,mother1 about my       
thanksgivings after ,communion8 ,there  
is no time when ,i taste less           
consolation4 ,but this is what ,i should
 expect4 ,i desire to receive ,our      
,lord1 not for my own satisfaction1 but 
simply to give ,him pleasure4  ,i       
picture my soul as a piece of waste     
ground and beg ,our ,blessed ,lady to   
take away my imperfections--which are as
 heaps of rubbish--and to build upon it 
a splendid tabernacle worthy of ,heaven1

 and adorn it with her own adornments4  
,then ,i invite all the ,angels and     
,saints to come and sing canticles of   
love1 and it seems to me that ,jesus is 
well pleased to see ,himself received so
 grandly1 and ,i share in ,his joy4 ,but
 all this does not prevent distractions 
and drowsiness from troubling me1 and   
not unfrequently ,i resolve to continue 
my thanksgiving throughout the day1     
since ,i made it so badly in choir4     
,you see1 dear ,mother1 that my way is  
not the way of fear2 ,i can always make 
myself happy1 and profit by my          
imperfections1 and ,our ,lord ,himself  
encourages me in this path4 ,once1      
contrary to my usual custom1 ,i felt    
troubled when ,i approached the ,holy   
,table4 ,for several days there had not 
been a sufficient number of ,hosts1 and 
,i had only received a small part of    
one2 this morning ,i foolishly thought3 
,if the same thing happens to-day1 ,i   
shall imagine that ,jesus does not care 
to come into my heart4 ,i approached the

 rails4 ,what a joy awaited me6 ,the    
,priest hesitated a moment1 then gave me
 two entire ,hosts4 ,was this not a     
sweet response8  ,i have much to be     
thankful for4 ,i will tell you quite    
openly what the ,lord has done for me4  
,he has shown unto me the same mercy as 
unto ,king ,solomon4 ,all my desires    
have been satisfied2 not only my desires
 of perfection1 but even those of which 
,i understood the vanity1 in theory1 if 
not in practice4 ,i had always looked on
 ,sister ,agnes of ,jesus as my model1  
and ,i wished to be like her in         
everything4 ,she used to paint exquisite
 miniatures and write beautiful poems1  
and this inspired me with a desire to   
learn to paint1#d and express my        
thoughts in verse1 that ,i might do some
 good to those around me4 ,but ,i would 
not ask for these natural gifts1 and my 
desire remained hidden in my heart4     
,jesus1 too1 had hidden ,himself in this
 poor little heart1 and ,he was pleased 
to show me once more the vanity of all  

that passes4 ,to the great astonishment 
of the ,community1 ,i succeeded in      
painting several pictures and in writing
 poems which have been a help to certain
 souls4 ,and just as ,solomon1 turning  
to all the works which his hand had     
wrought1 and to the labours wherein he  
had laboured in vain1 saw in all things 
vanity and vexation of mind1#e so       
experience showed me that the sole      
happiness of earth consists in lying    
hidden1 and remaining in total ignorance
 of created things4 ,i understood that  
without love even the most brilliant    
deeds count for nothing4 ,these gifts1  
which ,our ,lord lavished upon me1 far  
from doing me any harm1 drew me towards 
,him2 ,i saw that ,he alone is          
unchangeable1 ,he alone can fill the    
vast abyss of my desires4  ,talking of  
my desires1 ,i must tell you about      
others of quite a different kind1 which 
the ,divine ,master has also been       
pleased to grant3 childish desires1 like
 the wish for snow on my clothing day4  

,you know1 dear ,mother1 how fond ,i am 
of flowers4 ,when ,i made myself a      
prisoner at the age of fifteen1 ,i gave 
up for ever the delights of rambling    
through meadows bright with the         
treasures of spring4 ,well1 ,i never    
possessed so many flowers as ,i have had
 since entering the ,carmel4 ,in the    
world young men present their betrothed 
with beautiful bouquets1 and ,jesus did 
not forget me4 ,for ,his ,altar ,i      
received1 in abundance1 all the flowers 
,i loved best3 cornflowers1 poppies1    
marguerites--one little friend only was 
missing1 the purple vetch4 ,i longed to 
see it again1 and at last it came to    
gladden me and show that1 in the least  
as in the greatest1 ,god gives a        
hundred-fold1 even in this life1 to     
those who have left all for ,his ,love4 
,but one desire1 the dearest of all1 and
 for many reasons the most difficult1   
remained unfulfilled4 ,it was to see    
,cline enter the ,carmel of ,lisieux4   
,however1 ,i had made a sacrifice of my 

longing1 and committed to ,god alone the
 future of my loved sister4 ,i was      
willing she should be sent to far       
distant lands if it must be so2 but ,i  
wanted above all things to see her like 
myself1 the ,spouse of ,jesus4 ,i       
suffered deeply1 aware that she was     
exposed in the world to dangers ,i had  
never even known4 ,my affection for her 
was maternal rather than sisterly1 and  
,i was filled with solicitude for the   
welfare of her soul4  ,she was to go one
 evening with my aunt and cousins to a  
dance4 ,i know not why1 but ,i felt more
 anxious than usual1 and ,i shed many   
tears1 imploring ,our ,lord to hinder   
her dancing4 ,and this was just what    
happened2 for ,he did not suffer ,his   
little ,spouse to dance that evening1   
although as a rule she did so most      
gracefully4 ,and1 to the astonishment of
 everyone1 her partner1 too1 found that 
he was only able to walk gravely up and 
down with ,mademoiselle4 ,the poor young
 man slipped away in confusion1 and did 

not dare appear again that evening4     
,this unique occurrence increased my    
confidence in ,our ,lord1 and showed me 
clearly that ,he had already set ,his   
seal on my sister's brow4  ,on ,july    
#bi1 #ahid1 ,god called my saintly and  
much-tried ,father to ,himself4 ,for the
 last two years of his life he was      
completely paralysed2 so my uncle took  
him into his house and surrounded him   
with the tenderest care4 ,he became     
quite helpless and was only able to     
visit us once during the whole course of
 his illness4 ,it was a sad interview4  
,at the moment of parting1 as we said   
good-bye1 he raised his eyes1 and       
pointing upwards said in a voice full of
 tears3 ,in ,heaven6  ,now that he was  
with ,god1 the last ties which kept his 
consoling ,angel in the world were      
broken4 ,angels do not remain on this   
earth2 when they have accomplished their
 mission1 they return instantly to      
,heaven4 ,that is why they have wings4  
,cline tried therefore to fly to the    

,carmel2 but the obstacles seemed       
insurmountable4 ,one day1 when matters  
were going from bad to worse1 ,i said to
 ,our ,lord after ,holy ,communion3     
,thou knowest1 dear ,jesus1 how         
earnestly ,i have desired that the      
trials my ,father endured should serve  
as his purgatory4 ,i long to know if my 
wish is granted4 ,i do not ask ,thee to 
speak to me1 ,i only want a sign4 ,thou 
knowest how much opposed is ,sister ,n4 
to ,cline's entering2 if she withdraw   
her opposition1 ,i shall regard it as an
 answer from ,thee1 and in this way ,i  
shall know that my ,father went straight
 to ,heaven4  ,god1 ,who holds in ,his  
,hand the hearts of ,his creatures1 and 
inclines them as ,he will1 deigned in   
,his infinite mercy and ineffable       
condescension to change that ,sister's  
mind4 ,she was the first person ,i met  
after my thanksgiving1 and1 with tears  
in her eyes1 she spoke of ,cline's      
entrance1 which she now ardently        
desired4 ,shortly afterwards the ,bishop

 set every obstacle aside1 and then you 
were able1 dear ,mother1 without any    
hesitation1 to open our doors to the    
poor little exile4#f  ,now ,i have no   
desire left1 unless it be to love ,jesus
 even unto folly6 ,it is ,love alone    
that draws me4 ,i no longer wish either 
for suffering or death1 yet both are    
precious to me4 ,long did ,i call upon  
them as the messengers of joy4 ,i have  
suffered much1 and ,i have thought my   
barque near indeed to the ,everlasting  
,shore4 ,from earliest childhood ,i have
 imagined that the ,little ,flower would
 be gathered in its springtime2 now1 the
 spirit of self-abandonment alone is my 
guide4 ,i have no other compass1 and    
know not how to ask anything with       
eagerness1 save the perfect             
accomplishment of ,god's designs upon my
 soul4 ,i can say these words of the    
,canticle of our ,father1 ,st4 ,john of 
the ,cross3  ,i drank deep in the cellar
 of my ,friend1 ,and1 coming forth      
again1 ,knew naught of all this plain1  

,and lost the flock ,i erst was wont to 
tend4 ,my soul and all its wealth ,i    
gave to be ,his ,own2 ,no more ,i tend  
my flock1 all other work is done1 ,and  
all my exercise is ,love alone4#g  ,or  
rather3  ,love hath so wrought in me    
,since ,i have known its sway1 ,that all
 within me1 whether good or ill1 ,it    
makes subservient to the end it seeks1  
,and soon transforms my soul into       
itself4#h  ,full sweet is the way of    
,love4 ,it is true one may fall and be  
unfaithful to grace2 but ,love1 knowing 
how to profit by everything1 quickly    
consumes whatever is displeasing to     
,jesus1 leaving in the heart only a deep
 and humble peace4 ,i have obtained many
 spiritual lights through the works of  
,st4 ,john of the ,cross4 ,when ,i was  
seventeen and eighteen they were my only
 food2 but1 later on1 and even now1 all 
spiritual authors leave me cold and dry4
 ,however beautiful and touching a book 
may be1 my heart does not respond1 and  
,i read without understanding1 or1 if ,i

 understand1 ,i cannot meditate4 ,in my 
helplessness the ,holy ,scriptures and  
the ,imitation are of the greatest      
assistance2 in them ,i find a hidden    
manna1 genuine and pure4 ,but it is from
 the ,gospels that ,i find most help in 
the time of prayer2 from them ,i draw   
all that ,i need for my poor soul4 ,i am
 always discovering in them new lights  
and hidden mysterious meanings4 ,i know 
and ,i have experienced that the        
,kingdom of ,god is within us4#i ,our   
,lord has no need of books or teachers  
to instruct our souls4 ,he1 the ,teacher
 of ,teachers1 instructs us without any 
noise of words4 ,i have never heard ,him
 speak1 yet ,i know ,he is within me4   
,he is there1 always guiding and        
inspiring me2 and just when ,i need     
them1 lights1 hitherto unseen1 break in4
 ,this is not as a rule during my       
prayers1 but in the midst of my daily   
duties4 ,sometimes1 however1 as this    
evening1 at the close of a meditation   
spent in utter dryness1 a word of       

comfort is given to me3 ,here is the    
,master ,i give thee1 ,he will teach    
thee all that thou shouldst do4 ,i wish 
thee to read in the ,book of ,life in   
which is contained the science of love4 
4 4 4#aj  ,the ,science of ,love6 ,how  
sweetly do these words echo in my soul6 
,that science alone do ,i desire4       
,having given all my substance for it1  
like the ,spouse in the ,canticles1 ,i  
think that ,i have given nothing4#aa    
,after so many graces1 may ,i not sing  
with the ,psalmist that the ,lord is    
good1 that ,his ,mercy endureth for     
ever8#ab  ,it seems to me that if       
everyone were to receive such favours   
,god would be feared by none1 but loved 
to excess2 that no one would ever commit
 the least wilful fault--and this       
through love1 not fear4  ,yet all souls 
cannot be alike4 ,it is necessary that  
they should differ from one another in  
order that each ,divine ,perfection may 
receive its special honour4 ,to me1 ,he 
has given ,his ,infinite ,mercy1 and it 

is in this ineffable mirror that ,i     
contemplate his other attributes4       
,therein all appear to me radiant with  
,love4 ,his ,justice1 even more perhaps 
than the rest1 seems to me to be clothed
 with ,love4 ,what joy to think that    
,our ,lord is just1 that is to say1 that
 ,he takes our weakness into account1   
that ,he knows perfectly the frailty of 
our nature6 ,of what1 then1 need ,i be  
afraid8  ,will not the ,god of ,infinite
 ,justice1 ,who deigns so lovingly to   
pardon the sins of the ,prodigal ,son1  
be also just to me who am always with   
,him8#ac  ,in the year #ahie ,i received
 the grace to understand1 more than     
ever1 how much ,jesus desires to be     
loved4 ,thinking one day of those who   
offer themselves as victims to the      
,justice of ,god1 in order to turn aside
 the punishment reserved for sinners by 
taking it upon themselves1 ,i felt this 
offering to be noble and generous1 but  
was very far from feeling myself drawn  
to make it4 ,o my ,divine ,master1 ,i   

cried from the bottom of my heart1 shall
 ,thy ,justice alone receive victims of 
holocaust8 ,has not ,thy ,merciful ,love
 also need thereof8 ,on all sides it is 
ignored1 rejected 4 4 4 the hearts on   
which ,thou wouldst lavish it turn to   
creatures1 there to seek their happiness
 in the miserable satisfaction of a     
moment1 instead of casting themselves   
into ,thine ,arms1 into the unfathomable
 furnace of ,thine ,infinite ,love4  ,o 
my ,god6 must ,thy ,love which is       
disdained lie hidden in ,thy ,heart8    
,methinks1 if ,thou shouldst find souls 
offering themselves as victims of       
holocaust to ,thy ,love1 ,thou wouldst  
consume them rapidly2 ,thou wouldst be  
well pleased to suffer the flames of    
infinite tenderness to escape that are  
imprisoned in ,thy ,heart4  ,if ,thy    
,justice--which is of earth--must needs 
be satisfied1 how much more must ,thy   
,merciful ,love desire to inflame souls1
 since ,thy mercy reacheth even to the  
,heavens8#ad ,o ,jesus6 ,let me be that 

happy victim--consume ,thy holocaust    
with the ,fire of ,divine ,love6  ,dear 
,mother1 you know the love1 or rather   
the oceans of grace which flooded my    
soul immediately after ,i made that ,act
 of ,oblation on ,june #i1 #ahie4 ,from 
that day ,i have been penetrated and    
surrounded with love4 ,every moment this
 ,merciful ,love renews me and purifies 
me1 leaving in my soul no trace of sin4 
,i cannot fear ,purgatory2 ,i know ,i do
 not merit to enter1 even1 into that    
place of expiation with the ,holy       
,souls1 but ,i also know that the fire  
of ,love is more sanctifying than the   
fire of ,purgatory4 ,i know that ,jesus 
could not wish useless suffering for us1
 and ,he would not inspire me with the  
desires ,i feel1 were ,he not willing to
 fulfill them4   #a ,psalm #ajbajc3ad4  
#b ,phil4 #d3g4  #c ,this letter1 the   
style of which may seem strange to      
,english ears1 is modelled closely on   
the formal and quaint letters whereby   
,french parents of the better class     

announce to their friends the marriage  
of their children4 ,such letters of     
faire-part are issued in the name of    
relatives to the third or fourth degree4
 ,ed4  #d ,thrse had kept this wish     
hidden in her heart from the days of her
 childhood1 and later in life she made  
the following confidence3 ,i was ten the
 day ,papa told ,cline that she was to  
begin painting lessons4 ,i felt quite   
envious4 ,then he turned to me and said3
 ',well1 little ,queen1 would you like  
to learn painting too8' ,i was going to 
say3 ',yes1 indeed ,i should1' when     
,marie remarked that ,i had not the same
 taste for it as ,cline4 ,she carried   
her point1 and ,i said nothing1 thinking
 it was a splendid opportunity to make a
 big sacrifice for ,our ,lord2 ,i was so
 anxious to learn1 that even now ,i     
wonder how ,i was able to keep silence4 
#e ,eccl4 #b3aa4  #f ,cline entered the 
,convent on ,september #ad1 #ahid1 and  
took the name of ,sister ,genevieve of  
,st4 ,teresa4  #g ,spiritual ,canticle3 

,stanzas #ah and #bj4  #h ,hymn to the  
,deity4  #i ,luke #ag3ba4  #aj          
,revelation of ,our ,lord to ,bd4       
,margaret ,mary4  #aa ,cant4 #h3g4  #ab 
,psalm #ajcajd3a4  #ac ,luke #ae3ca4    
#ad ,cf4 ,psalm #cecf3f4     ,,chapter  
,,ix ,,the ,,night ,,of ,,the ,,soul    
,dear ,mother1 ,i thought ,i had written
 enough1 and now you wish for more      
details of my religious life4 ,i will   
not argue1 but ,i cannot help smiling   
when ,i have to tell you things that you
 know quite as well as ,i do4           
,nevertheless1 ,i will obey4 ,i do not  
ask what use this manuscript can be to  
any one1 ,i assure you that even were   
you to burn it before my eyes1 without  
having read it1 ,i should not mind in   
the least4  ,the opinion is not uncommon
 in the ,community that you have always 
indulged me1 ever since ,i entered the  
,convent2 however1 ,man seeth those     
things that appear1 but the ,lord       
beholdeth the heart4#a ,dear ,mother1   
once again ,i thank you for not having  

spared me4 ,jesus knew well that ,his   
,little ,flower needed the life-giving  
water of humiliation--it was too weak to
 take root otherwise1 and to you it owes
 so great a blessing4 ,but for some     
months1 the ,divine ,master has entirely
 changed ,his method of cultivating ,his
 ,little ,flower4 ,finding no doubt that
 it has been sufficiently watered1 ,he  
now allows it to expand under the warm  
rays of a brilliant sun4 ,he smiles on  
it1 and this favour also comes through  
you1 dear ,mother1 but far from doing it
 harm1 those smiles make the ,little    
,flower grow in a wondrous way4 ,deep   
down in its heart it treasures those    
precious drops of dew--the              
mortifications of other days--and they  
remind it that it is small and frail4   
,even were all creatures to draw near to
 admire and flatter it1 that would not  
add a shade of idle satisfaction to the 
true joy which thrills it1 on realising 
that in ,god's ,eyes it is but a poor1  
worthless thing1 and nothing more4      

,when ,i say that ,i am indifferent to  
praise1 ,i am not speaking1 dear        
,mother1 of the love and confidence you 
show me2 on the contrary ,i am deeply   
touched thereby1 but ,i feel that ,i    
have now nothing to fear1 and ,i can    
listen to those praises unperturbed1    
attributing to ,god all that is good in 
me4 ,if it please ,him to make me appear
 better than ,i am1 it is nothing to me1
 ,he can act as ,he will4 ,my ,god1 how 
many ways dost ,thou lead souls6 ,we    
read of ,saints who left absolutely     
nothing at their death1 not the least   
thing by which to remember them1 not    
even a single line of writing2 and there
 are others like our holy ,mother1 ,st4 
,teresa1 who have enriched the ,church  
with their sublime teaching1 and have   
not hesitated to reveal the secrets of  
the ,king1#b that ,he may be better     
known and better loved4  ,which of these
 two ways is more pleasing to ,our      
,lord8 ,it seems to me that they are    
equally so4  ,all those beloved by ,god 

have followed the inspiration of the    
,holy ,ghost1 who commanded the prophets
 to write3 ,tell the just man that all  
is well4#c ,yes1 all is well when one   
seeks only the ,master's ,will1 and so  
,i1 poor ,little ,flower1 obey my ,jesus
 when ,i try to please you1 who         
represent him here on earth4  ,you know 
it has ever been my desire to become a  
,saint1 but ,i have always felt1 in     
comparing myself with the ,saints1 that 
,i am as far removed from them as the   
grain of sand1 which the passer-by      
tramples underfoot1 is remote from the  
mountain whose summit is lost in the    
clouds4  ,instead of being discouraged1 
,i concluded that ,god would not inspire
 desires which could not be realised1   
and that ,i may aspire to sanctity in   
spite of my littleness4 ,for me to      
become great is impossible4 ,i must bear
 with myself and my many imperfections2 
but ,i will seek out a means of getting 
to ,heaven by a little way--very short  
and very straight1 a little way that is 

wholly new4 ,we live in an age of       
inventions2 nowadays the rich need not  
trouble to climb the stairs1 they have  
lifts instead4 ,well1 ,i mean to try and
 find a lift by which ,i may be raised  
unto ,god1 for ,i am too tiny to climb  
the steep stairway of perfection4 ,i    
have sought to find in ,holy ,scripture 
some suggestion as to what this lift    
might be which ,i so much desired1 and  
,i read these words uttered by the      
,eternal ,wisdom ,itself3 ,whosoever is 
a little one1 let him come to ,me4#d    
,then ,i drew near to ,god1 feeling sure
 that ,i had discovered what ,i sought2 
but wishing to know further what ,he    
would do to the little one1 ,i continued
 my search and this is what ,i found3   
,you shall be carried at the breasts and
 upon the knees2 as one whom the mother 
caresseth1 so will ,i comfort you4#e    
,never have ,i been consoled by words   
more tender and sweet4 ,thine ,arms1    
then1 ,o ,jesus1 are the lift which must
 raise me up even unto ,heaven4 ,to get 

there ,i need not grow2 on the contrary1
 ,i must remain little1 ,i must become  
still less4 ,o my ,god1 thou hast gone  
beyond my expectation1 and ,i 4 4 4 ,i  
will sing ,thy mercies6 ,thou hast      
taught me1 ,o ,lord1 from my youth and  
till now ,i have declared ,thy wonderful
 works1 and thus unto old age and grey  
hairs4#f  ,what will this old age be for
 me8 ,it seems to me that it could as   
well be now as later3 two thousand years
 are no more in the ,eyes of the ,lord  
than twenty years 4 4 4 than a single   
day6 ,but do not think1 dear ,mother1   
that your child is anxious to leave you1
 and deems it a greater grace to die in 
the morning rather than in the evening  
of life2 to please ,jesus is what she   
really values and desires above all     
things4 ,now that ,he seems to come near
 and draw her to ,his ,heavenly ,home1  
she is glad2 she has understood that    
,god has need of no one to do good upon 
earth1 still less of her than of others4
 ,meantime ,i know your will1 dear      

,mother4 ,you wish me to carry out1 at  
your side1 a work which is both sweet   
and easy1#g and this work ,i shall      
complete in ,heaven4 ,you have said to  
me1 as ,our ,lord said to ,st4 ,peter3  
,feed my lambs4 ,i am amazed1 for ,i    
feel that ,i am so little4 ,i have      
entreated you to feed your little lambs 
yourself and to keep me among them4 ,you
 have complied in part with my          
reasonable wish1 and have called me     
their companion1 rather than their      
mistress1 telling me nevertheless to    
lead them through fertile and shady     
pastures1 to point out where the grass  
is sweetest and best1 and warn them     
against the brilliant but poisonous     
flowers1 which they must never touch    
except to crush under foot4  ,how is it1
 dear ,mother1 that my youth and        
inexperience have not frightened you8   
,are you not afraid that ,i shall let   
your lambs stray afar8 ,in acting as you
 have done1 perhaps you remembered that 
,our ,lord is often pleased to give     

wisdom to little ones4  ,on this earth  
it is rare indeed to find souls who do  
not measure ,god's ,omnipotence by their
 own narrow thoughts4 ,the world is     
always ready to admit exceptions        
everywhere here below4 ,god alone is    
denied this liberty4 ,it has long been  
the custom among men to reckon          
experience by age1 for in his youth the 
holy ,king ,david sang to ,his ,lord3 ,i
 am young and despised1#h but in the    
same ,psalm he does not fear to say3 ,i 
have had understanding above old men1   
because ,i have sought ,thy             
commandments1 ,thy word is a lamp to my 
feet1 and a light to my paths2 ,i have  
sworn1 and ,i am determined1 to keep the
 judgments of ,thy ,justice4#i  ,and you
 did not even consider it imprudent to  
assure me one day1 that the ,divine     
,master had enlightened my soul and     
given me the experience of years4 ,i am 
too little now to be guilty of vanity2  
,i am likewise too little to endeavour  
to prove my humility by fine-sounding   

words4 ,i prefer to own in all          
simplicity that ,he that is mighty hath 
done great things to me--#aj and the    
greatest is that ,he has shown me my    
littleness and how incapable ,i am of   
anything good4  ,my soul has known      
trials of many kinds4 ,i have suffered  
much on this earth4 ,in my childhood ,i 
suffered with sadness1 but now ,i find  
sweetness in all things4 ,anyone but    
you1 dear ,mother1 who know me          
thoroughly1 would smile at reading these
 pages1 for has ever a soul seemed less 
tried than mine8 ,but if the martyrdom  
which ,i have endured for the past year 
were made known1 how astonished everyone
 would be6 ,since it is your wish ,i    
will try to describe it1 but there are  
no words really to explain these things4
 ,the words will always fall short of   
the reality4  ,during ,lent last year ,i
 felt much better than ever and         
continued so until ,holy ,week1 in spite
 of the fast which ,i observed in all   
its rigour4 ,but in the early hours of  

,good ,friday1 ,jesus gave me to hope   
that ,i should soon join ,him in ,his   
beautiful ,home4 ,how sweet is this     
memory6  ,i could not obtain permission 
to remain watching at the ,altar of     
,repose throughout the ,thursday night1 
and ,i returned to our cell at midnight4
 ,scarcely was my head laid on the      
pillow when ,i felt a hot stream rise to
 my lips4 ,i thought ,i was going to    
die1 and my heart nearly broke with joy4
 ,but as ,i had already put out our     
lamp1 ,i mortified my curiosity until   
the morning and slept in peace4 ,at five
 o'clock1 when it was time to get up1 ,i
 remembered at once that ,i had some    
good news to learn1 and going to the    
window ,i found1 as ,i had expected1    
that our handkerchief was soaked with   
blood4 ,dearest ,mother1 what hope was  
mine6 ,i was firmly convinced that on   
this anniversary of ,his ,death1 my     
,beloved had allowed me to hear ,his    
first call1 like a sweet1 distant       
murmur1 heralding ,his joyful approach4 

,i assisted at ,prime and ,chapter most 
fervently1 and then ,i hastened to cast 
myself at my ,mother's knees and confide
 to her my happiness4 ,i did not feel   
the least pain1 so ,i easily obtained   
permission to finish ,lent as ,i had    
begun1 and on this ,good ,friday ,i     
shared in all the austerities of the    
,carmel without any relaxation4 ,never  
had these austerities seemed sweeter to 
me2 the hope of soon entering ,heaven   
transported me with joy4  ,still full of
 joy1 ,i returned to our cell on the    
evening of that happy day1 and was      
quietly falling asleep1 when my sweet   
,jesus gave me the same sign as on the  
previous night1 of my speedy entrance to
 ,eternal ,life4 ,i felt such a clear   
and lively ,faith that the thought of   
,heaven was my sole delight4 ,i could   
not believe it possible for men to be   
utterly devoid of ,faith1 and ,i was    
convinced that those who deny the       
existence of another world really lie in
 their hearts4  ,but during the ,paschal

 days1 so full of light1 our ,lord made 
me understand that there really are in  
truth souls bereft of ,faith and ,hope1 
who1 through abuse of grace1 lose these 
precious treasures1 the only source of  
pure and lasting joy4 ,he allowed my    
soul to be overwhelmed with darkness1   
and the thought of ,heaven1 which had   
consoled me from my earliest childhood1 
now became a subject of conflict and    
torture4 ,this trial did not last merely
 for days or weeks2 ,i have been        
suffering for months1 and ,i still await
 deliverance4 ,i wish ,i could express  
what ,i feel1 but it is beyond me4 ,one 
must have passed through this dark      
tunnel to understand its blackness4     
,however1 ,i will try to explain it by  
means of a comparison4  ,let me suppose 
that ,i had been born in a land of thick
 fogs1 and had never seen the beauties  
of nature1 or a single ray of sunshine1 
although ,i had heard of these wonders  
from my early youth1 and knew that the  
country wherein ,i dwelt was not my real

 home--there was another land1 unto     
which ,i should always look forward4    
,now this is not a fable1 invented by an
 inhabitant of the land of fogs1 it is  
the solemn truth1 for the ,king of that 
sunlit country dwelt for three and      
thirty years in the land of darkness1   
and alas6--the darkness did not         
understand that ,he was the ,light of   
the ,world4#aa  ,but1 dear ,lord1 ,thy  
child has understood ,thou art the      
,light ,divine2 she asks ,thy pardon for
 her unbelieving brethren1 and is       
willing to eat the bread of sorrow as   
long as ,thou mayest wish4 ,for love of 
,thee she will sit at that table of     
bitterness where these poor sinners take
 their food1 and she will not stir from 
it until ,thou givest the sign4 ,but may
 she not say in her own name1 and the   
name of her guilty brethren3 ,o ,god1 be
 merciful to us sinners6#ab ,send us    
away justified4 ,may all those on whom  
,faith does not shine see the light at  
last6 ,o my ,god1 if that table which   

they profane can be purified by one that
 loves ,thee1 ,i am willing to remain   
there alone to eat the bread of tears1  
until it shall please ,thee to bring me 
to ,thy ,kingdom of ,light3 the only    
favour ,i ask is1 that ,i may never give
 ,thee cause for offence4  ,from the    
time of my childhood ,i felt that one   
day ,i should be set free from this land
 of darkness4 ,i believed it1 not only  
because ,i had been told so by others1  
but my heart's most secret and deepest  
longings assured me that there was in   
store for me another and more beautiful 
country--an abiding dwelling-place4 ,i  
was like ,christopher ,columbus1 whose  
genius anticipated the discovery of the 
,new ,world4 ,and suddenly the mists    
about me have penetrated my very soul   
and have enveloped me so completely that
 ,i cannot even picture to myself this  
promised country 4 4 4 all has faded    
away4 ,when my heart1 weary of the      
surrounding darkness1 tries to find some
 rest in the thought of a life to come1 

my anguish increases4 ,it seems to me   
that out of the darkness ,i hear the    
mocking voice of the unbeliever3 ,you   
dream of a land of light and fragrance1 
you dream that the ,creator of these    
wonders will be yours for ever1 you     
think one day to escape from these mists
 where you now languish4 ,nay1 rejoice  
in death1 which will give you1 not what 
you hope for1 but a night darker still1 
the night of utter nothingness6 4 4 4   
,dear ,mother1 this description of what 
,i suffer is as far removed from reality
 as the first rough outline is from the 
model1 but ,i fear that to write more   
were to blaspheme 4 4 4 even now ,i may 
have said too much4 ,may ,god forgive   
me6 ,he knows that ,i try to live by    
,faith1 though it does not afford me the
 least consolation4 ,i have made more   
acts of ,faith in this last year than   
during all the rest of my life4  ,each  
time that my enemy would provoke me to  
combat1 ,i behave as a gallant soldier4 
,i know that a duel is an act of        

cowardice1 and so1 without once looking 
him in the face1 ,i turn my back on the 
foe1 then ,i hasten to my ,saviour1 and 
vow that ,i am ready to shed my blood in
 witness of my belief in ,heaven4 ,i    
tell him1 if only ,he will deign to open
 it to poor unbelievers1 ,i am content  
to sacrifice all pleasure in the thought
 of it as long as ,i live4 ,and in spite
 of this trial1 which robs me of all    
comfort1 ,i still can say3 ,thou hast   
given me1 ,o ,lord1 delight in all ,thou
 dost4#ac ,for what joy can be greater  
than to suffer for ,thy ,love8 ,the more
 the suffering is and the less it       
appears before men1 the more is it to   
,thy ,honour and ,glory4 ,even if--but  
,i know it to be impossible--,thou      
shouldst not deign to heed my           
sufferings1 ,i should still be happy to 
bear them1 in the hope that by my tears 
,i might perhaps prevent or atone for   
one sin against ,faith4  ,no doubt1 dear
 ,mother1 you will think ,i exaggerate  
somewhat the night of my soul4 ,if you  

judge by the poems ,i have composed this
 year1 it must seem as though ,i have   
been flooded with consolations1 like a  
child for whom the veil of ,faith is    
almost rent asunder4 ,and yet it is not 
a veil--it is a wall which rises to the 
very heavens and shuts out the starry   
sky4  ,when ,i sing of the happiness of 
,heaven and the eternal possession of   
,god1 ,i do not feel any joy therein1   
for ,i sing only of what ,i wish to     
believe4 ,sometimes1 ,i confess1 a      
little ray of sunshine illumines my dark
 night1 and ,i enjoy peace for an       
instant1 but later1 the remembrance of  
this ray of light1 instead of consoling 
me1 makes the blackness thicker still4  
,and yet never have ,i felt so deeply   
how sweet and merciful is the ,lord4 ,he
 did not send me this heavy cross when  
it might have discouraged me1 but at a  
time when ,i was able to bear it4 ,now  
it simply takes from me all natural     
satisfaction ,i might feel in my longing
 for ,heaven4  ,dear ,mother1 it seems  

to me that at present there is nothing  
to impede my upward flight1 for ,i have 
no longer any desire save to love ,him  
till ,i die4 ,i am free2 ,i fear nothing
 now1 not even what ,i dreaded more than
 anything else1 a long illness which    
would make me a burden to the           
,community4 ,should it please the ,good 
,god1 ,i am quite content to have my    
bodily and mental sufferings prolonged  
for years4 ,i do not fear a long life2  
,i do not shrink from the struggle4 ,the
 ,lord is the rock upon which ,i        
stand--,who teacheth my hands to fight1 
and my fingers to war4 ,he is my        
,protector and ,i have hoped in ,him4#ad
 ,i have never asked ,god to let me die 
young1 ,it is true ,i have always       
thought ,i should do so1 but it is a    
favour ,i have not tried to obtain4     
,our ,lord is often content with the    
wish to do something for ,his ,glory1   
and you know the immensity of my        
desires4 ,you know also that ,jesus has 
offered me more than one bitter chalice 

through my dearly loved sisters4 ,the   
holy ,king ,david was right when he     
sang3 ,behold how good and how pleasant 
it is for brethren to dwell together in 
unity4#ae ,but such unity can only exist
 upon earth in the midst of sacrifice4  
,it was not in order to be with my      
sisters that ,i came to this holy       
,carmel2 on the contrary1 ,i knew well  
that in curbing my natural affection ,i 
should have much to suffer4  ,how can it
 be said that it is more perfect to     
separate oneself from home and friends8 
,has anyone ever reproached brothers who
 fight side by side1 or together win the
 martyr's palm8 ,it is true1 no doubt1  
they encourage each other2 but it is    
also true that the martyrdom of each is 
a martyrdom to them all4  ,and so it is 
in the religious life2 theologians call 
it a martyrdom4 ,a heart given to ,god  
loses nothing of its natural            
affection--on the contrary1 this        
affection grows stronger by becoming    
purer and more spiritual4 ,it is with   

this love1 dear ,mother1 that ,i love   
you and my sisters4 ,i am glad to fight 
beside you for the glory of the ,king of
 ,heaven1 but ,i am ready to go to      
another battlefield1 did the ,divine    
,commander but express a wish4 ,an order
 would not be necessary3 a simple look1 
a sign1 would suffice4  ,ever since ,i  
came to the ,carmel ,i have thought that
 if ,our ,lord did not take me quickly  
to ,heaven1 my lot would be that of     
,noe's dove1 and that one day he would  
open the window of the ,ark and bid me  
fly to heathen lands1 bearing the olive 
branch4 ,this thought has helped me to  
soar above all created things4  ,knowing
 that even in the ,carmel there must be 
partings1 ,i tried to make my abode in  
,heaven2 and ,i accepted not only exile 
in the midst of an unknown people1 but  
what was far more bitter1 ,i accepted   
exile for my sisters4 ,and indeed1 two  
of them were asked for by the ,carmel of
 ,sagon1 our own foundation4 ,for a time
 there was serious question of their    

being sent1 and ,i would not say a word 
to hold them back1 though my heart ached
 at the thought of the trials awaiting  
them4 ,now all that is at an end2 the   
superiors were absolutely opposed to    
their departure1 and ,i only touched the
 cup with my lips long enough to taste  
of its bitterness4  ,let me tell you1   
dear ,mother1 why1 if ,our ,lady cures  
me1 ,i wish to respond to the call from 
our ,mothers of ,hano4 ,it appears that 
to live in foreign ,carmels1 a very     
special vocation is needed1 and many    
souls think they are called without     
being so in reality4 ,you have told me  
that ,i have this vocation1 and that my 
health alone stands in the way4 ,but if 
,i am destined one day to leave this    
,carmel1 it will not be without a pang4 
,my heart is naturally sensitive1 and   
because this is a cause of much         
suffering1 ,i wish to offer ,jesus      
whatsoever it can bear4 ,here1 ,i am    
loved by you and all the ,sisters1 and  
this love is very sweet to me1 and ,i   

dream of a convent where ,i should be   
unknown1 where ,i should taste the      
bitterness of exile4 ,i know only too   
well how useless ,i am1 and so it is not
 for the sake of the services ,i might  
render to the ,carmel of ,hano that ,i  
would leave all that is dearest to      
me--my sole reason would be to do ,god's
 ,will1 and sacrifice myself for ,him4  
,and ,i should not suffer any           
disappointment1 for when we expect      
nothing but suffering1 then the least   
joy is a surprise2 and later on         
suffering itself becomes the greatest of
 all joys1 when we seek it as a precious
 treasure4  ,but ,i know ,i shall never 
recover from this sickness1 and yet ,i  
am at peace4 ,for years ,i have not     
belonged to myself1 ,i have surrendered 
myself wholly to ,jesus1 and ,he is free
 to do with me whatsoever ,he pleases4  
,he has spoken to me of exile1 and has  
asked me if ,i would consent to drink of
 that chalice4 ,at once ,i essayed to   
grasp it1 but ,he1 withdrawing ,his     

,hand1 showed me that my consent was all
 ,he desired4  ,o my ,god6 from how much
 disquiet do we free ourselves by the   
vow of obedience6 ,happy is the simple  
religious4 ,her one guide being the will
 of her superiors1 she is ever sure of  
following the right path1 and has no    
fear of being mistaken1 even when it    
seems that her superiors are making a   
mistake4 ,but if she ceases to consult  
the unerring compass1 then at once her  
soul goes astray in barren wastes1 where
 the waters of grace quickly fail4 ,dear
 ,mother1 you are the compass ,jesus has
 given me to direct me safely to the    
,eternal ,shore4 ,i find it most sweet  
to fix my eyes upon you1 and then do the
 ,will of my ,lord4 ,by allowing me to  
suffer these temptations against ,faith1
 ,he has greatly increased the spirit of
 ,faith1 which makes me see ,him living 
in your soul1 and through you           
communicating ,his holy commands4  ,i am
 well aware that you lighten the burden 
of obedience for me1 but deep in my     

heart ,i feel that my attitude would not
 change1 nor would my filial affection  
grow less1 were you to treat me with    
severity3 and this because ,i should    
still see the ,will of ,god manifesting 
itself in another way for the greater   
good of my soul4  ,among the numberless 
graces that ,i have received this year1 
not the least is an understanding of how
 far-reaching is the precept of charity4
 ,i had never before fathomed these     
words of ,our ,lord3 ,the second        
commandment is like to the first3 ,thou 
shalt love thy neighbour as thyself4#af 
,i had set myself above all to love     
,god1 and it was in loving ,him that ,i 
discovered the hidden meaning of these  
other words3 ,it is not those who say1  
,lord1 ,lord6 who enter into the        
,kingdom of ,heaven1 but he who does the
 ,will of ,my ,father4#ag  ,jesus       
revealed me this ,will when at the ,last
 ,supper ,he gave ,his ,new ,commandment
 in telling ,his ,apostles to love one  
another as ,he had loved them4#ah ,i set

 myself to find out how ,he had loved   
,his ,apostles2 and ,i saw that it was  
not for their natural qualities1 for    
they were ignorant men1 full of earthly 
ideas4 ,and yet ,he calls them ,his     
,friends1 ,his ,brethren2 ,he desires to
 see them near ,him in the ,kingdom of  
,his ,father1 and in order to admit them
 to this ,kingdom ,he wills to die on   
the ,cross1 saying3 ,greater love than  
this no man hath1 that a man lay down   
his life for his friends4#ai  ,as ,i    
meditated on these ,divine words1 ,i saw
 how imperfect was the love ,i bore my  
,sisters in religion4 ,i understood that
 ,i did not love them as ,our ,lord     
loves them4 ,i know now that true       
charity consists in bearing all our     
neighbours' defects--not being surprised
 at their weakness1 but edified at their
 smallest virtues4 ,above all ,i know   
that charity must not remain shut up in 
the heart1 for ,no man lighteth a       
candle1 and putteth it in a hidden      
place1 nor under a bushel2 but upon a   

candlestick1 that they who come in may  
see the light4#bj  ,it seems to me1 dear
 ,mother1 this candle represents that   
charity which enlightens and gladdens1  
not only those who are dear to us1 but  
all those who are of the household4  ,in
 the ,old ,law1 when ,god told ,his     
people to love their neighbour as       
themselves1 ,he had not yet come down   
upon earth2 and knowing full well how   
man loves himself1 ,he could not ask    
anything greater4 ,but when ,our ,lord  
gave ,his ,apostles a ,new              
,commandment--,his own                  
commandment#ba--;,he was not content    
with saying3 ,thou shalt love thy       
neighbour as thyself1 but would have    
them love even as ,he had loved1 and as 
,he will love till the end of time4  ,o 
my ,jesus6 ,thou does never ask what is 
impossible2 ,thou knowest better than   
,i1 how frail and imperfect ,i am1 and  
,thou knowest that ,i shall never love  
my ,sisters as ,thou hast loved them1   
unless within me ,thou lovest them1 dear

 ,lord6 ,it is because ,thou dost desire
 to grant me this grace that ,thou hast 
given a ,new ,commandment4 ,oh how ,i   
love it1 since ,i am assured thereby    
that it is ,thy ,will to love in me all 
those ,thou dost bid me love6  ,yes1 ,i 
know when ,i show charity to others1 it 
is simply ,jesus acting in me1 and the  
more closely ,i am united to ,him1 the  
more dearly ,i love my ,sisters4 ,if ,i 
wish to increase this love in my heart1 
and the devil tries to bring before me  
the defects of a ,sister1 ,i hasten to  
look for her virtues1 her good motives2 
,i call to mind that though ,i may have 
seen her fall once1 no doubt she has    
gained many victories over herself1     
which in her humility she conceals4 ,it 
is even possible that what seems to me a
 fault1 may very likely1 on account of  
her good intention1 be an act of virtue4
 ,i have no difficulty in persuading    
myself of this1 because ,i have had the 
same experience4 ,one day1 during       
recreation1 the portress came to ask for

 a ,sister to help her4 ,i had a        
childish longing to do this work1 and it
 happened the choice fell upon me4 ,i   
therefore began to fold up our          
needlework1 but so slowly that my       
neighbour1 who ,i knew would like to    
take my place1 was ready before me4 ,the
 ,sister who had asked for help1 seeing 
how deliberate ,i was1 said laughingly3 
,i thought you would not add this pearl 
to your crown1 you are so extremely     
slow1 and all the ,community thought ,i 
had yielded to natural reluctance4 ,i   
cannot tell you what profit ,i derived  
from this incident1 and it made me      
indulgent towards others4 ,it still     
checks any feelings of vanity1 when ,i  
am praised1 for ,i reflect that since my
 small acts of virtue can be mistaken   
for imperfections1 why should not my    
imperfections be mistaken for virtue8   
,and ,i say with ,st4 ,paul3 ,to me it  
is a very small thing to be judged by   
you1 or by man's day4 ,but neither do ,i
 judge myself4 ,he that judgeth me is   

the ,lord4#bb  ,and it is the ,lord1 it 
is ,jesus1 ,who is my judge4 ,therefore 
,i will try always to think leniently of
 others1 that ,he may judge me          
leniently1 or rather not at all1 since  
,he says3 ,judge not1 and ye shall not  
be judged4#bc  ,but returning to the    
,holy ,gospel where ,our ,lord explains 
to me clearly in what ,his ,new         
,commandment consists1 ,i read in ,st4  
,matthew3 ,you have heard that it hath  
been said1 ,thou shalt love thy         
neighbour1 and hate thy enemy3 but ,i   
say unto you1 ,love your enemies1 and   
pray for them that persecute you4#bd    
,there are1 of course1 no enemies in the
 ,carmel2 but1 after all1 we have our   
natural likes and dislikes4 ,we may feel
 drawn towards one ,sister1 and may be  
tempted to go a long way round to avoid 
meeting another4 ,well1 ,our ,lord tells
 me that this is the ,sister to love and
 pray for1 even though her behaviour may
 make me imagine she does not care for  
me4 ,if you love them that love you1    

what thanks are to you8 ,for sinners    
also love those that love them4#be ,and 
it is not enough to love1 we must prove 
our love2 naturally one likes to please 
a friend1 but that is not charity1 for  
sinners do the same4  ,our ,lord also   
taught me3 ,give to everyone that asketh
 thee2 and of him that taketh away thy  
goods1 ask them not again4#bf ,to give  
to everyone who asks is not so pleasant 
as to give of one's own accord4 ,if we  
are asked pleasantly1 it is easy to     
give2 but if we are asked               
discourteously1 then1 unless we are     
perfect in charity1 there is an inward  
rebellion1 and we find no end of excuses
 for refusing4 ,perhaps1 after first    
pointing out the rudeness of the        
request1 we make such a favour of       
consenting thereto1 that the slight     
service takes far less time to perform  
than was lost in arguing the point4 ,and
 if it is difficult to give to whosoever
 asks1 it is far more difficult to let  
what belongs to us be taken without     

asking it again4 ,dear ,mother1 ,i say  
this is hard1 but ,i should rather say  
that it seems hard1 for ,the yoke of the
 ,lord is sweet and ,his burden         
light4#bg ,and when we submit to that   
yoke1 we at once feel its sweetness4  ,i
 have said ,jesus does not wish me to   
ask again for what is my own4 ,this     
ought to seem quite easy1 for1 in       
reality1 nothing is mine4 ,i ought1     
then1 to be glad when an occasion arises
 which brings home to me the poverty to 
which ,i am vowed4 ,i used to think     
myself completely detached1 but since   
,our ,lord's words have become clear1 ,i
 see that ,i am indeed very imperfect4  
,for instance3 when starting to paint1  
if ,i find the brushes in disorder1 and 
a ruler or penknife gone1 ,i feel       
inclined to lose patience1 and have to  
keep a firm hold over myself not to     
betray my feelings4 ,of course ,i may   
ask for these needful things1 and if ,i 
do so humbly ,i am not disobeying ,our  
,lord's command4 ,i am then like the    

poor who hold out their hands for the   
necessaries of life1 and1 if refused1   
are not surprised1 since no one owes    
them anything4 ,deep peace inundates the
 soul when it soars above mere natural  
sentiments4 ,there is no joy equal to   
that which is shared by the truly poor  
in spirit4 ,if they ask with detachment 
for something necessary1 and not only is
 it refused1 but an attempt is made to  
take away what they already possess1    
they are following the ,master's advice3
 ,if any man will take away thy coat1   
let him have thy cloak also4#bh ,to give
 up one's cloak is1 it seems to me1 to  
renounce every right1 and to regard     
oneself as the servant1 the slave1 of   
all4 ,without a cloak it is easier to   
walk or run1 and so the ,master adds3   
,and whosoever shall force thee to go   
one mile1 go with him other two4#bi  ,it
 is therefore not enough for me to give 
to whoever asks--,i ought to anticipate 
the wish1 and show myself glad to be of 
service2 but if anything of mine be     

taken away1 ,i should show myself glad  
to be rid of it4 ,i cannot always carry 
out to the letter the words of the      
,gospel1 for there are occasions when ,i
 am compelled to refuse some request4   
,yet when charity is deeply rooted in   
the soul it lets itself be outwardly    
seen1 and there is a way of refusing so 
graciously what one is unable to give1  
that the refusal affords as much        
pleasure as the gift would have done4   
,it is true that people do not hesitate 
to ask from those who readily oblige1   
nevertheless ,i ought not to avoid      
importunate ,sisters on the pretext that
 ,i shall be forced to refuse4 ,the     
,divine ,master has said3 ,from him that
 would borrow of thee turn not away4#cj 
,nor should ,i be kind in order to      
appear so1 or in the hope that the      
,sister will return the service1 for    
once more it is written3 ,if you lend to
 them of whom you hope to receive1 what 
thanks are to you8 ,for sinners also    
lend to sinners for to receive as much4 

,but you do good and lend1 hoping for   
nothing thereby1 and your reward shall  
be great4#ca  ,verily1 the reward is    
great even on earth4 ,in this path it is
 only the first step which costs4 ,to   
lend without hope of being repaid seems 
hard2 one would rather give outright1   
for what you give is no longer yours4   
,when a ,sister says confidently3 ,i    
want your help for some hours--,i have  
our ,mother's leave1 and be assured ,i  
will do as much for you later1 one may  
know well that these hours lent will not
 be repaid1 and be sorely tempted to    
say3 ,i prefer to give them4 ,but that  
would gratify self-love1 besides letting
 the ,sister feel that you do not rely  
much on her promise4 ,the ,divine       
precepts run contrary to our natural    
inclinations1 and without the help of   
grace it would be impossible to         
understand them1 far less to put them in
 practice4  ,dear ,mother1 ,i feel that 
,i have expressed myself with more than 
usual confusion1 and ,i do not know what

 you can find to interest you in these  
rambling pages1 but ,i am not aiming at 
a literary masterpiece1 and if ,i weary 
you by this discourse on charity1 it    
will at least prove your child's good   
will4 ,i must confess ,i am far from    
living up to my ideal1 and yet the very 
desire to do so gives me a feeling of   
peace4 ,if ,i fall into some fault1 ,i  
arise again at once--and for some months
 now ,i have not even had to struggle4  
,i have been able to say with our holy  
,father1 ,st4 ,john of the ,cross3 ,my  
house is entirely at peace1 and ,i      
attribute this interior peace to a      
victory ,i gained over myself4 ,since   
that victory1 the hosts of ,heaven have 
hastened to my aid1 for they will not   
allow me to be wounded1 now that ,i have
 fought so valiantly4  ,a holy nun of   
our community annoyed me in all that she
 did2 the devil must have had something 
to do with it1 and he it was undoubtedly
 who made me see in her so many         
disagreeable points4 ,i did not want to 

yield to my natural antipathy1 for ,i   
remembered that charity ought to betray 
itself in deeds1 and not exist merely in
 the feelings1 so ,i set myself to do   
for this sister all ,i should do for the
 one ,i loved most4 ,every time ,i met  
her ,i prayed for her1 and offered to   
,god her virtues and merits4 ,i felt    
that this was very pleasing to ,our     
,lord1 for there is no artist who is not
 gratified when his works are praised1  
and the ,divine ,artist of souls is     
pleased when we do not stop at the      
exterior1 but1 penetrating to the inner 
sanctuary ,he has chosen1 admire its    
beauty4  ,i did not rest satisfied with 
praying for this ,sister1 who gave me   
such occasions for self-mastery1 ,i     
tried to render her as many services as 
,i could1 and when tempted to answer her
 sharply1 ,i made haste to smile and    
change the subject1 for the ,imitation  
says3 ,it is more profitable to leave   
everyone to his way of thinking than to 
give way to contentious discourses4 ,and

 sometimes when the temptation was very 
severe1 ,i would run like a deserter    
from the battlefield if ,i could do so  
without letting the ,sister guess my    
inward struggle4  ,one day she said to  
me with a beaming face3 ,my dear ,soeur 
,thrse1 tell me what attraction you find
 in me1 for whenever we meet1 you greet 
me with such a sweet smile4 ,ah6 ,what  
attracted me was ,jesus hidden in the   
depths of her soul--,jesus who maketh   
sweet even that which is most bitter4   
,i spoke just now1 dear ,mother1 of the 
flight that is my last resource to      
escape defeat4 ,it is not honourable1 ,i
 confess1 but during my noviciate1      
whenever ,i had recourse to this means1 
it invariably succeeded4 ,i will give   
you a striking example1 which will1 ,i  
am sure1 amuse you4 ,you had been ill   
with bronchitis for several days1 and we
 were all uneasy about you4 ,one        
morning1 in my duty as sacristan1 ,i    
came to put back the keys of the        
,communion-grating4 ,this was my work1  

and ,i was very pleased to have an      
opportunity of seeing you1 though ,i    
took good care not to show it4 ,one of  
the ,sisters1 full of solicitude1 feared
 ,i should awake you1 and tried to take 
the keys from me4 ,i told her as        
politely as ,i could1 that ,i was quite 
as anxious as she was there should be no
 noise1 and added that it was my right  
to return them4 ,i see now that it would
 have been more perfect simply to yield1
 but ,i did not see it then1 and so ,i  
followed her into the room4 ,very soon  
what she feared came to pass3 the noise 
did awaken you4 ,all the blame fell upon
 me2 the ,sister ,i had argued with     
began a long discourse1 of which the    
point was3 ,soeur ,thrse made all the   
noise4 ,i was burning to defend myself1 
but a happy inspiration of grace came to
 me4 ,i thought that if ,i began to     
justify myself ,i should certainly lose 
my peace of mind1 and as ,i had too     
little virtue to let myself be unjustly 
accused without answering1 my last      

chance of safety lay in flight4 ,no     
sooner thought than done4 ,i hurried    
away1 but my heart beat so violently1 ,i
 could not go far1 and ,i was obliged to
 sit down on the stairs to enjoy in     
quiet the fruit of my victory4 ,this is 
an odd kind of courage1 undoubtedly1 but
 ,i think it is best not to expose      
oneself in the face of certain defeat4  
,when ,i recall these days of my        
noviciate ,i understand how far ,i was  
from perfection1 and the memory of      
certain things makes me laugh4 ,how good
 ,god has been1 to have trained my soul 
and given it wings ,all the snares of   
the hunter can no longer frighten me1   
for ,a net is spread in vain before the 
eyes of them that have wings4#cb  ,it   
may be that some day my present state   
will appear to me full of defects1 but  
nothing now surprises me1 and ,i do not 
even distress myself because ,i am so   
weak4 ,on the contrary ,i glory therein1
 and expect each day to find fresh      
imperfections4 ,nay1 ,i must confess1   

these lights on my own nothingness are  
of more good to my soul than lights on  
matters of ,faith4 ,remembering that    
,charity covereth a multitude of        
sins1#cc ,i draw from this rich mine1   
which ,our ,saviour has opened to us in 
the ,gospels4 ,i search the depths of   
,his adorable words1 and cry out with   
,david3 ,i have run in the way of ,thy  
commandments since ,thou hast enlarged  
my heart4#cd ,and charity alone can make
 wide the heart4 ,o ,jesus6 ,since its  
sweet flame consumes my heart1 ,i run   
with delight in the way of ,thy ,new    
,commandment1 and ,i desire to run      
therein until that blessed day when1    
with ,thy company of ,virgins1 ,i shall 
follow ,thee through ,thy boundless     
,realm1 singing ,thy ,new               
,canticle--,the ,canticle of ,love4   #a
 #a ,kings #af3g4  #b ,tobias #ab3g4  #c
 ,cf4 ,isaias #c3aj4  #d ,prov4 #i3d4   
#e ,isa4 #ff3ab1 #ac4  #f ,cf4 ,ps4     
#gjga3ag1 #ah4  #g ,soeur ,thrse had    
charge of the novices without being     

given the title of ,novice ,mistress4   
#h ,ps4 #aahaai3ada4  #i ,ps4           
#aahaai3ajj1 #aje1 #ajf4  #aj ,luke     
#a3di4  #aa ,cf4 ,john #a3e4  #ab ,cf4  
,luke #ah3ac4  #ac ,ps4 #iaib3e4  #ad   
,ps4 #adcadd3a1 #b4  #ae ,ps4 #acbacc3a4
  #af ,matt4 #bb3ci4  #ag ,cf4 ,matt4   
#g3ba4  #ah ,cf4 ,john #ac3cd4  #ai     
,john #ae3ab4  #bj ,luke #aa3cc4  #ba   
,john #ae3ab4  #bb #a ,cor4 #d3c1d4  #bc
 ,luke #f3cg4  #bd ,matt4 #e3dc1 #dd4   
#be ,luke #f3cb4  #bf ,luke #f3cj4  #bg 
,matt4 #aa3cj4  #bh ,matt4 #e3dj4  #bi  
,matt4 #e3da4  #cj ,matt4 #e3db4  #ca   
,luke #f3cd1 #ce4  #cb ,prov4 #a3bg4    
#cc ,prov4 #aj3ab4  #cd ,ps4 #aahaai3cb4
     ,,chapter ,x ,,the ,,new           
,,commandment  ,dear ,mother1 ,god in   
,his infinite goodness has given me a   
clear insight into the deep mysteries of
 ,charity4 ,if ,i could but express what
 ,i know1 you would hear a heavenly     
music2 but alas6 ,i can only stammer    
like a child1 and if ,god's own words   
were not my support1 ,i should be       

tempted to beg leave to hold my peace4  
,when the ,divine ,master tells me to   
give to whosoever asks of me1 and to let
 what is mine be taken without asking it
 again1 it seems to me that ,he speaks  
not only of the goods of earth1 but also
 of the goods of ,heaven4 ,besides1     
neither one nor the other are really    
mine2 ,i renounced the former by the vow
 of poverty1 and the latter gifts are   
simply lent4 ,if ,god withdraw them1 ,i 
have no right to complain4  ,but our    
very own ideas1 the fruit of our mind   
and heart1 form a treasury on which none
 dare lay hands4 ,for instance1 if ,i   
reveal to a ,sister some light given me 
in prayer1 and she repeats it later on  
as though it were her own1 it seems as  
though she appropriates what is mine4   
,or1 if during recreation someone makes 
an apt and witty remark1 which her      
neighbour repeats to the ,community1    
without acknowledging whence it came1 it
 is a sort of theft2 and the person who 
originated the remark is naturally      

inclined to seize the first opportunity 
of delicately insinuating that her      
thoughts have been borrowed4  ,i could  
not so well explain all these weaknesses
 of human nature had ,i not experienced 
them4 ,i should have preferred to       
indulge in the illusion that ,i was the 
only one who suffered thus1 had you not 
bidden me advise the novices in their   
difficulties4 ,i have learnt much in the
 discharge of this duty1 and especially 
,i feel bound to put in practice what ,i
 teach4  ,i can say with truth that by  
,god's grace ,i am no more attached to  
the gifts of the intellect than to      
material things4 ,if it happens that a  
thought of mine should please my        
,sisters1 ,i find it quite easy to let  
them regard it as their own4 ,my        
thoughts belong to the ,holy ,ghost4    
,they are not mine4 ,st4 ,paul assures  
us that without the ,spirit of ,love1 we
 cannot call ,god our ,father4#a  ,and  
besides1 though far from depreciating   
those beautiful thoughts which bring us 

nearer to ,god1 ,i have long been of    
opinion that we must be careful not to  
over-estimate their worth4 ,the highest 
inspirations are of no value without    
good works4 ,it is true that others may 
derive much profit therefrom1 if they   
are duly grateful to our ,lord for      
allowing them to share in the abundance 
of one of ,his privileged souls2 but    
should this privileged soul take pride  
in spiritual wealth1 and imitate the    
,pharisee1 she becomes like to a hostess
 dying of starvation at a well-spread   
table1 while her guests enjoy the       
richest fare1 and perhaps cast envious  
glances at the possessor of so many     
treasures4  ,verily it is true that ,god
 alone can sound the heart4 ,how        
short-sighted are ,his creatures6 ,when 
they see a soul whose lights surpass    
their own1 they conclude that the       
,divine ,master loves them less4 ,since 
when has ,he lost the right to make use 
of one of ,his children1 in order to    
supply the others with the nourishment  

they need8 ,that right was not lost in  
the days of ,pharaoh1 for ,god said unto
 him3 ,and therefore have ,i raised     
thee1 that ,i may show ,my power in     
thee1 and ,my name may be spoken of     
throughout all the earth4#b             
,generations have passed away since the 
,most ,high spoke these words1 and ,his 
ways have not changed4 ,he has ever     
chosen human instruments for the        
accomplishment of ,his work4  ,if an    
artist's canvas could but think and     
speak1 surely it would never complain of
 being touched and re-touched by the    
brush1 nor would it feel envious        
thereof1 knowing that all its beauty is 
due to the artist alone4 ,so1 too1 the  
brush itself could not boast of the     
masterpiece it had helped to produce1   
for it must know that an artist is never
 at a loss2 that difficulties do but    
stimulate him2 and that at times it     
pleases him to make use of instruments  
the most unlikely and defective4  ,dear 
,mother1 ,i am the little brush that    

,jesus has chosen to paint ,his likeness
 in the souls you have confided to my   
care4 ,now an artist has several        
brushes--two at the least3 the first1   
which is more useful1 gives the ground  
tints and rapidly covers the whole      
canvas2 the other1 and smaller one1 puts
 in the lesser touches4 ,mother1 you    
represent the big brush which our ,lord 
holds lovingly in ,his ,hand when ,he   
wishes to do some great work in the     
souls of your children2 and ,i am the   
little one ,he deigns to use afterwards1
 to fill in the minor details4  ,the    
first time the ,divine ,master took up  
,his little brush was about ,december   
#h1 #ahib4 ,i shall always remember that
 time as one of special grace4  ,when ,i
 entered the ,carmel1 ,i found in the   
noviciate a companion about eight years 
older than ,i was4 ,in spite of this    
difference of age1 we became the closest
 friends1 and to encourage an affection 
which gave promise of fostering virtue  
we were allowed to converse together on 

spiritual subjects4 ,my companion       
charmed me by her innocence and by her  
open and frank disposition1 though ,i   
was surprised to find how her love for  
you differed from mine2 and besides1 ,i 
regretted many things in her behaviour4 
,but ,god had already given me to       
understand that there are souls for whom
 in ,his ,mercy ,he waits unweariedly1  
and to whom ,he gives ,his light by     
degrees2 so ,i was very careful not to  
forestall ,him4  ,one day when ,i was   
thinking over the permission we had to  
talk together1 so that we might--as our 
holy constitutions tells us--incite     
ourselves more ardently to the love of  
our ,divine ,spouse1 it came home to me 
sadly that our conversations did not    
attain the desired end2 and ,i          
understood that either ,i must no longer
 fear to speak out1 or else ,i must put 
an end to what was degenerating into    
mere worldly talk4 ,i begged our ,lord  
to inspire me with words1 kind and      
convincing2 or better still1 to speak   

,himself for me4 ,he heard my prayer1   
for those who look upon ,him shall be   
enlightened1#c and to the upright a     
light is risen in the darkness4#d ,the  
first of these texts ,i apply to myself1
 the other to my companion1 who was     
truly upright in heart4  ,the next time 
we met1 the poor little ,sister saw at  
once that my manner had changed1 and1   
blushing deeply1 she sat down beside me4
 ,i pressed her to my heart1 and told   
her gently what was in my mind2 then ,i 
pointed out to her in what true love    
consists1 and proved that in loving her 
,prioress with such natural affection   
she was in reality loving herself4 ,i   
confided to her the sacrifices of this  
kind which ,i had been obliged to make  
at the beginning of my religious life1  
and before long her tears were mingled  
with mine4 ,she admitted very humbly    
that she was in the wrong and that ,i   
was right1 and1 begging me as a favour  
always to point out her faults1 she     
promised to begin a new life4 ,from this

 time our love for one another became   
truly spiritual2 in us were fulfilled   
these words of the ,holy ,ghost3 ,a     
brother that is helped by his brother is
 like a strong city4#e  ,dear ,mother1  
you know very well that it was not my   
wish to turn my companion away from you1
 ,i only wanted her to grasp that true  
love feeds on sacrifice1 and that in    
proportion as our souls renounce natural
 enjoyments our affections become       
stronger and more detached4  ,i remember
 that when ,i was a postulant ,i was    
sometimes so violently tempted to seek  
my own satisfaction by having a word    
with you1 that ,i was obliged to hurry  
past your cell and hold on to the       
banisters to keep myself from turning   
back4 ,numerous permissions ,i wanted to
 ask1 and a hundred pretexts for        
yielding to my desires suggested        
themselves1 but now ,i am truly glad    
that ,i did not listen4 ,i already enjoy
 the reward promised to those who fight 
bravely4 ,i no longer feel the need of  

refusing myself these consolations1 for 
my heart is fixed on ,god4 ,because it  
has loved ,him only1 it has grown1      
little by little1 and now it can give to
 those who are dear to ,him a far deeper
 and truer love than if it were centred 
in a barren and selfish affection4  ,i  
have told you of the first piece of work
 which you accomplished together with   
,our ,lord by means of the little brush1
 but that was only the prelude to the   
masterpiece which was afterwards to be  
painted4 ,from the moment ,i entered the
 sanctuary of souls1 ,i saw at a glance 
that the task was beyond my strength4   
,throwing myself without delay into ,our
 ,lord's ,arms1 ,i imitated those tiny  
children1 who1 when they are frightened1
 hide their faces on their father's     
shoulder1 and ,i said3  ,dear ,lord1    
,thou seest that ,i am too small to feed
 these little ones1 but if through me   
,thou wilt give to each what is         
suitable1 then fill my hands1 and       
without leaving the shelter of ,thine   

,arms1 or even turning away1 ,i will    
distribute ,thy treasures to the souls  
who come to me asking for food4 ,should 
they find it to their taste1 ,i shall   
know that this is due not to me1 but to 
,thee2 and if1 on the contrary1 they    
find fault with its bitterness1 ,i shall
 not be cast down1 but try to persuade  
them that it cometh from ,thee1 while   
taking good care to make no change in   
it4  ,the knowledge that it was         
impossible to do anything of myself     
rendered my task easier4 ,my one        
interior occupation was to unite myself 
more and more closely to ,god1 knowing  
that the rest would be given to me over 
and above4 ,and indeed my hope has never
 been deceived2 ,i have always found my 
hands filled when sustenance was needed 
for the souls of my ,sisters4 ,but had  
,i done otherwise1 and relied on my own 
strength1 ,i should very soon have been 
forced to abandon my task4  ,from afar  
it seems so easy to do good to souls1 to
 teach them to love ,god more1 and to   

model them according to one's own ideas4
 ,but1 when we draw nearer1 we quickly  
feel that without ,god's help this is   
quite as impossible as to bring back the
 sun when once it has set4 ,we must     
forget ourselves1 and put aside our     
tastes and ideas1 and guide souls not by
 our own way1 but along the path which  
,our ,lord points out4 ,even this is not
 the most difficult part2 what costs me 
more than all is having to observe their
 faults1 their slightest imperfections1 
and wage war against them4  ,unhappily  
for me--,i was going to say1 but that   
would be cowardly1 so ,i will           
say--happily for my ,sisters1 ever since
 ,i placed myself in the ,arms of ,jesus
 ,i have been like a watchman on the    
look-out for the enemy from the highest 
turret of a fortified castle4 ,nothing  
escapes my vigilance2 indeed1 ,i am     
sometimes surprised at my own           
clear-sightedness1 and ,i think it was  
quite excusable in the prophet ,jonas to
 fly before the face of the ,lord1 that 

he might not have to announce the ruin  
of ,ninive4 ,rather than make one single
 reproach1 ,i would prefer to receive a 
thousand1 yet ,i feel it is necessary   
that the task should cause me pain1 for 
if ,i spoke only through natural        
impulse1 then the soul in fault would   
not understand its defects and would    
simply think3 ,this ,sister is          
displeased1 and her displeasure falls on
 me although ,i am full of the best     
intentions4  ,but in this1 as in all    
else1 ,i must practise sacrifice and    
self-denial4 ,even in the matter of     
writing a letter1 ,i feel that it will  
produce no fruit1 unless ,i am          
disinclined to write1 and only do so    
from obedience4  ,when conversing with a
 novice ,i am on the watch to mortify   
myself1 and ,i avoid asking questions   
which would satisfy my curiosity4 ,if   
she begins to speak on an interesting   
subject1 and1 leaving it unfinished1    
passes on to another that wearies me1 ,i
 take care not to remind her of the     

interruption1 for it seems to me that no
 good can come of self-seeking4  ,i     
know1 dear ,mother1 that your little    
lambs find me severe2 if they were to   
read these lines1 they would say that1  
so far as they can see1 it does not     
distress me to run after them1 and show 
them how they have soiled their         
beautiful white fleece1 or torn it in   
the brambles4 ,well1 the little lambs   
may say what they like--in their hearts 
they know ,i love them dearly2 there is 
no fear of my imitating the hireling 4 4
 4 who seeth the wolf coming and leaveth
 the sheep1 and flieth4#f  ,i am ready  
to lay down my life for them1 and my    
affection is so disinterested that ,i   
would not have my novices know this4 ,by
 ,god's help1 ,i have never tried to    
draw their hearts to myself1 for ,i have
 always understood that my mission was  
to lead them to ,him and to you1 dear   
,mother1 who on this earth hold ,his    
place in their regard1 and whom1        
therefore1 they must love and respect4  

,i said before1 that ,i have learnt much
 by guiding others4 ,in the first place 
,i see that all souls have more or less 
the same battles to fight1 and on the   
other hand1 that one soul differs widely
 from another1 so each must be dealt    
with differently4 ,with some ,i must    
humble myself1 and not shrink from      
acknowledging my own struggles and      
defeats2 then they confess more readily 
the faults into which they fall1 and are
 pleased that ,i know by experience what
 they suffer4 ,with others1 my only     
means of success is to be firm1 and     
never go back on what ,i have once said2
 self-abasement would be taken for      
weakness4  ,our ,lord has granted me the
 grace never to fear the conflict2 at   
all costs ,i must do my duty4 ,i have   
more than once been told3 ,if you want  
me to obey1 you must be gentle and not  
severe1 otherwise you will gain nothing4
 ,but no one is a good judge in his own 
case4 ,during a painful operation a     
child will be sure to cry out and say   

that the remedy is worse than the       
disease2 but if after a few days he is  
cured1 then he is greatly delighted that
 he can run about and play4 ,and it is  
the same with souls3 they soon recognise
 that a little bitter is better than too
 much sweet1 and they are not afraid to 
make the acknowledgment4 ,sometimes the 
change which takes place from one day to
 another seems almost magical4  ,a      
novice will say to me3 ,you did well to 
be severe yesterday2 at first ,i was    
indignant1 but when ,i thought it all   
over1 ,i saw that you were quite right4 
,i left your cell thinking3 ',this ends 
it4 ,i will tell ,our ,mother that ,i   
shall never go to ,soeur ,thrse again'2 
but ,i knew this was the devil's        
suggestion1 and then ,i felt you were   
praying for me1 and ,i grew calm4 ,i    
began to see things more clearly1 and   
now ,i come to you for further guidance4
  ,i am only too happy to follow the    
dictates of my heart and hasten to      
console with a little sweetness1 but ,i 

see that one must not press forward too 
quickly--a word might undo the work that
 cost so many tears4 ,if ,i say the     
least thing which seems to tone down the
 hard truths of the previous day1 ,i see
 my little ,sister trying to take       
advantage of the opening thus given her4
 ,at once ,i have recourse to prayer1 ,i
 turn to ,our ,blessed ,lady1 and ,jesus
 always triumphs4 ,verily in prayer and 
sacrifice lies all my strength1 they are
 my invincible arms2 experience has     
taught me that they touch hearts far    
more easily than words4  ,two years ago1
 during ,lent1 a novice came to me      
smiling1 and said3 ,you would never     
imagine what ,i dreamt last night--,i   
thought ,i was with my sister1 who is so
 worldly1 and ,i wanted to withdraw her 
from all vain things2 to this end ,i    
explained the words of your hymn3       
',they richly lose who love ,thee1      
dearest ,lord2 ,thine are my perfumes1  
,thine for evermore4'  ,i felt that my  
words sank deep into her soul1 and ,i   

was overjoyed4 ,this morning it seems to
 me that perhaps ,our ,lord would like  
me to gain ,him this soul4 ,how would it
 do if ,i wrote at ,easter and described
 my dream1 telling her that ,jesus      
desires to have her for ,his ,spouse8 ,i
 answered that she might certainly ask  
permission4  ,as ,lent was not nearly   
over1 you were surprised1 dear ,mother1 
at such a premature request1 and1       
evidently guided by ,god1 you replied   
that ,carmelites should save souls by   
prayer rather than by letters4 ,when ,i 
heard your decision ,i said to the      
little ,sister3 ,we must set to work and
 pray hard2 if our prayers are answered 
at the end of ,lent1 what a joy it will 
be6 ,o ,infinite ,mercy of our ,lord6   
,at the close of ,lent1 one soul more   
had given herself to ,god4 ,it was a    
real miracle of grace--a miracle        
obtained through the fervour of a humble
 novice4  ,how wonderful is the power of
 prayer6 ,it is like unto a queen1 who1 
having free access to the king1 obtains 

whatsoever she asks4 ,in order to secure
 a hearing there is no need to recite   
set prayers composed for the            
occasion--were it so1 ,i ought indeed to
 be pitied6  ,apart from the ,divine    
,office1 which in spite of my           
unworthiness is a daily joy1 ,i have not
 the courage to look through books for  
beautiful prayers4 ,i only get a        
headache because of their number1 and   
besides1 one is more lovely than        
another4 ,unable therefore to say them  
all1 and lost in choice1 ,i do as       
children who have not learnt to read--,i
 simply tell ,our ,lord all that ,i     
want1 and ,he always understands4  ,with
 me prayer is an uplifting of the heart2
 a glance towards heaven2 a cry of      
gratitude and love1 uttered equally in  
sorrow and in joy4 ,in a word1 it is    
something noble1 supernatural1 which    
expands my soul and unites it to ,god4  
,sometimes when ,i am in such a state of
 spiritual dryness that not a single    
good thought occurs to me1 ,i say very  

slowly the ,our ,father or the ,hail    
,mary1 and these prayers suffice to take
 me out of myself1 and wonderfully      
refresh me4  ,but what was ,i speaking  
of8 ,again ,i am lost in a maze of      
reflections4 ,forgive me1 dear ,mother1 
for wandering thus4 ,my story is like a 
tangled skein1 but ,i fear ,i can do no 
better4 ,i write my thoughts as they    
come2 ,i fish at random in the stream of
 my heart1 and offer you all that ,i    
catch4  ,i was telling you about the    
novices4 ,they often say3 ,you have an  
answer for everything4 ,this time ,i    
thought ,i should puzzle you4 ,where do 
you find all that you teach us8 ,some   
are even simple enough to think ,i can  
read their souls1 because at times it   
happens ,i discover to them--without    
revelation--the subject of their        
thoughts4 ,the senior novice had        
determined to hide from me a great      
sorrow4 ,she spent the night in anguish1
 keeping back her tears lest her eyes   
might betray her4 ,yet she came to me   

with a smile next day1 seeming even more
 cheerful than usual1 and when ,i said3 
,you are in trouble1 ,i am sure1 she    
looked at me in inexpressible amazement4
 ,her surprise was so great that it     
reacted on me1 and imparted a sense of  
the supernatural4 ,i felt that ,god was 
close to us4 ,unwittingly--for ,i have  
not the gift of reading souls--,i had   
spoken as one inspired1 and was able to 
console her completely4  ,and now1 dear 
,mother1 ,i will tell you wherein ,i    
gain most with the novices4 ,you know   
they are allowed without restriction to 
say anything to me1 agreeable or the    
reverse2 this is all the easier since   
they do not owe me the respect due to a 
,novice-,mistress4 ,i cannot say that   
,our ,lord makes me walk in the way of  
exterior humiliation2 ,he is satisfied  
with humbling me in my inmost soul4 ,in 
the eyes of creatures all is success1   
and ,i walk in the dangerous path of    
honour--if a religious may so speak4 ,i 
understand ,god's way and that of my    

superiors in this respect2 for if the   
,community thought me incapable1        
unintelligent1 and wanting in judgment1 
,i could be of no possible use to you1  
dear ,mother4 ,this is why the ,divine  
,master has thrown a veil over all my   
shortcomings1 both interior and         
exterior4 ,because of this veil ,i      
receive many compliments from the       
novices--compliments without flattery1  
for they really mean what they say2 and 
they do not inspire me with vanity1 for 
the remembrance of my weakness is ever  
before me4 ,at times my soul tires of   
this over-sweet food1 and ,i long to    
hear something other than praise2 then  
,our ,lord serves me with a nice little 
salad1 well spiced1 with plenty of      
vinegar--oil alone is wanting1 and this 
it is which makes it more to my taste4  
,and the salad is offered to me by the  
novices at the moment ,i least expect4  
,god lifts the veil that hides my       
faults1 and my dear little ,sisters1    
beholding me as ,i really am1 do not    

find me altogether agreeable4 ,with     
charming simplicity1 they tell me how ,i
 try them and what they dislike in me2  
in fact1 they are as frank as though    
they were speaking of someone else1 for 
they are aware that ,i am pleased when  
they act in this way4  ,i am more than  
pleased--,i am transported with delight 
by this splendid banquet set before me4 
,how can anything so contrary to our    
natural inclinations afford such        
extraordinary pleasure8 ,had ,i not     
experienced it1 ,i could not have       
believed it possible4  ,one day1 when ,i
 was ardently longing for some          
humiliation1 a young postulant came to  
me and sated my desire so completely1   
that ,i was reminded of the occasion    
when ,semei cursed ,david1 and ,i       
repeated to myself the words of the holy
 ,king3 ,yea1 it is the ,lord who hath  
bidden him say all these things4#g ,in  
this way ,god takes care of me4 ,he     
cannot always provide that              
strength-giving bread1 exterior         

humiliation1 but from time to time ,he  
allows me to eat of the crumbs from the 
table of the children4#h ,how           
magnificent are ,his ,mercies6  ,dear   
,mother1 since that ,infinite ,mercy is 
the subject of this my earthly song1 ,i 
ought also to discover to you one real  
advantage1 reaped with many others in   
the discharge of my task4 ,formerly1 if 
,i saw a ,sister acting in a way that   
displeased me1 and was seemingly        
contrary to rule1 ,i would think3 ,ah1  
how glad ,i should be if only ,i could  
warn her and point out where she is     
wrong4 ,since1 however1 this burden has 
been laid upon me my ideas have changed1
 and when ,i happen to see something not
 quite right1 ,i say with a sigh of     
relief3 ,thank ,god6 ,it is not a       
novice1 and ,i am not obliged to        
correct2 and at once ,i try to find     
excuses1 and credit the doer with the   
good intentions she no doubt possesses4 
,your devotedness1 dear ,mother1 now    
that ,i am ill1 has also taught me many 

a lesson of charity4 ,no remedy is too  
costly1 and if one does not succeed1 you
 unhesitatingly try something new4 ,when
 ,i am present at recreation1 how       
careful you are to shield me from       
draughts4 ,i feel that ,i ought to be as
 compassionate for the spiritual        
infirmities of my ,sisters as you are   
for my bodily ills4  ,i have noticed    
that it is the holiest nuns who are most
 deeply loved2 everyone is anxious to   
seek their company1 and do them service1
 without even being asked4 ,these very  
souls who are well able to bear with    
want of affection and little attentions 
are always surrounded by an atmosphere  
of love4 ,our ,father1 ,st4 ,john of the
 ,cross1 says with great truth3 ,all    
good things have come unto me1 since ,i 
no longer sought them for myself4       
,imperfect souls1 on the contrary1 are  
left alone4 ,they are treated1 it is    
true1 with the measure of politeness    
which religious life demands2 yet their 
company is avoided1 lest a word might be

 said which would hurt their feelings4  
,when ,i say imperfect souls1 ,i am not 
referring to souls with spiritual       
imperfections only1 for the holiest     
souls will not be perfect till they are 
in heaven4 ,i mean those who are also   
afflicted with want of tact and         
refinement1 as well as ultra-sensitive  
souls4 ,i know such defects are         
incurable1 but ,i also know how patient 
you would be1 in nursing and striving to
 relieve me1 were my illness to last for
 many years4  ,from all this ,i draw the
 conclusion3--,i ought to seek the      
companionship of those ,sisters towards 
whom ,i feel a natural aversion1 and try
 to be their good ,samaritan4 ,a word or
 a smile is often enough to put fresh   
life in a despondent soul4 ,and yet it  
is not merely in the hope of giving     
consolation that ,i try to be kind4 ,if 
it were1 ,i know that ,i should soon be 
discouraged1 for well-intentioned words 
are often totally misunderstood4        
,consequently1 not to lose my time or   

labour1 ,i try to act solely to please  
,our ,lord1 and follow this precept of  
the ,gospel3 ,when thou makest a dinner 
or a supper1 call not thy friends or thy
 brethren1 lest perhaps they also invite
 thee again and a recompense be made to 
thee4 ,but when thou makest a feast1    
call the poor1 the maimed1 the blind1   
and the lame1 and thou shalt be blessed1
 because they have naught wherewith to  
make thee recompense1 and thy ,father   
,who seeth in secret will repay thee4#i 
,what feast can ,i offer my ,sisters but
 a spiritual one of sweet and joyful    
charity6 ,i know none other1 and ,i wish
 to imitate ,st4 ,paul1 who rejoiced    
with those who rejoiced4 ,it is true    
that he wept with those who wept1 and at
 my feast1 too1 the tears must sometimes
 fall1 still ,i shall always try to     
change them into smiles1 for ,god loveth
 a cheerful giver4#aj  ,i remember an   
act of charity with which ,god inspired 
me while ,i was still a novice1 and this
 act1 though seemingly small1 has been  

rewarded even in this life by ,our      
,heavenly ,father1 ,who seeth in secret4
  ,shortly before ,sister ,st4 ,peter   
became quite bedridden1 it was necessary
 every evening1 at ten minutes to six1  
for someone to leave meditation and take
 her to the refectory4 ,it cost me a    
good deal to offer my services1 for ,i  
knew the difficulty1 or ,i should say   
the impossibility1 of pleasing the poor 
invalid4 ,but ,i did not want to lose   
such a good opportunity1 for ,i recalled
 ,our ,lord's words3 ,as long as you did
 it to one of these my least brethren1  
you did it to ,me4#aa ,i therefore      
humbly offered my aid4 ,it was not      
without difficulty ,i induced her to    
accept it1 but after considerable       
persuasion ,i succeeded4 ,every evening1
 when ,i saw her shake her sand-glass1  
,i understood that she meant3 ,let us   
go6 ,summoning up all my courage ,i     
rose1 and the ceremony began4 ,first of 
all1 her stool had to be moved and      
carried in a particular way1 and on no  

account must there be any hurry4 ,the   
solemn procession ensued4 ,i had to     
follow the good ,sister1 supporting her 
by her girdle2 ,i did it as gently as   
possible1 but if by some mischance she  
stumbled1 she imagined ,i had not a firm
 hold1 and that she was going to fall4  
,you are going too fast1 she would say1 
,i shall fall and hurt myself6 ,then    
when ,i tried to lead her more quietly3 
,come quicker 4 4 4 ,i cannot feel you 4
 4 4 you are letting me go6 ,i was right
 when ,i said you were too young to take
 care of me4  ,when we reached the      
refectory without further mishap1 more  
troubles were in store4 ,i had to settle
 my poor invalid in her place1 taking   
great pains not to hurt her4 ,then ,i   
had to turn back her sleeves1 always    
according to her own special rubric1 and
 after that ,i was allowed to go4  ,but 
,i soon noticed that she found it very  
difficult to cut her bread1 so ,i did   
not leave her till ,i had performed this
 last service4 ,she was much touched by 

this attention on my part1 for she had  
not expressed any wish on the subject2  
it was by this unsought-for kindness    
that ,i gained her entire confidence1   
and chiefly because--as ,i learnt       
later--at the end of my humble task ,i  
bestowed upon her my sweetest smile4    
,dear ,mother1 it is long since all this
 happened1 but ,our ,lord allows the    
memory of it to linger with me like a   
perfume from ,heaven4 ,one cold winter  
evening1 ,i was occupied in the lowly   
work of which ,i have just spoken1 when 
suddenly ,i heard in the distance the   
harmonious strains of music outside the 
convent walls4 ,i pictured a            
drawing-room1 brilliantly lighted and   
decorated1 and richly furnished4 ,young 
ladies1 elegantly dressed1 exchanged a  
thousand compliments1 as is the way of  
the world4 ,then ,i looked on the poor  
invalid ,i was tending4 ,instead of     
sweet music ,i heard her complaints1    
instead of rich gilding ,i saw the brick
 walls of our bare cloister1 scarcely   

visible in the dim light4 ,the contrast 
was very moving4 ,our ,lord so          
illuminated my soul with the rays of    
truth1 before which the pleasures of the
 world are but as darkness1 that for a  
thousand years of such worldly delights1
 ,i would not have bartered even the ten
 minutes spent in my act of charity4    
,if even now1 in days of pain and amid  
the smoke of battle1 the thought that   
,god has withdrawn us from the world is 
so entrancing1 what will it be when1 in 
eternal glory and everlasting repose1 we
 realise the favour beyond compare ,he  
has done us here1 by singling us out to 
dwell in ,his ,carmel1 the very portal  
of ,heaven8  ,i have not always felt    
these transports of joy in performing   
acts of charity1 but at the beginning of
 my religious life ,jesus wished to make
 me feel how sweet to ,him is charity1  
when found in the hearts of his         
,spouses4 ,thus when ,i led ,sister ,st4
 ,peter1 it was with so much love that  
,i could not have shown more were ,i    

guiding ,our ,divine ,lord ,himself4    
,the practice of charity has not always 
been so pleasant as ,i have just pointed
 out1 dear ,mother1 and to prove it ,i  
will recount some of my many struggles4 
,for a long time my place at meditation 
was near a ,sister who fidgeted         
continually1 either with her ,rosary1 or
 something else2 possibly1 as ,i am very
 quick of hearing1 ,i alone heard her1  
but ,i cannot tell you how much it tried
 me4 ,i should have liked to turn round1
 and by looking at the offender1 make   
her stop the noise2 but in my heart ,i  
knew that ,i ought to bear it           
tranquilly1 both for the love of ,god   
and to avoid giving pain4 ,so ,i kept   
quiet1 but the effort cost me so much   
that sometimes ,i was bathed in         
perspiration1 and my meditation         
consisted merely in suffering with      
patience4 ,after a time ,i tried to     
endure it in peace and joy1 at least    
deep down in my soul1 and ,i strove to  
take actual pleasure in the disagreeable

 little noise4 ,instead of trying not to
 hear it1 which was impossible1 ,i set  
myself to listen1 as though it had been 
some delightful music1 and my           
meditation--which was not the prayer of 
quiet--was passed in offering this music
 to ,our ,lord4  ,another time ,i was   
working in the laundry1 and the ,sister 
opposite1 while washing handkerchiefs1  
repeatedly splashed me with dirty water4
 ,my first impulse was to draw back and 
wipe my face1 to show the offender ,i   
should be glad if she would behave more 
quietly2 but the next minute ,i thought 
how foolish it was to refuse the        
treasures ,god offered me so generously1
 and ,i refrained from betraying my     
annoyance4 ,on the contrary1 ,i made    
such efforts to welcome the shower of   
dirty water1 that at the end of half an 
hour ,i had taken quite a fancy to this 
novel kind of aspersion1 and ,i resolved
 to come as often as ,i could to the    
happy spot where such treasures were    
freely bestowed4  ,dear ,mother1 you see

 that ,i am a very little soul1 who can 
only offer very little things to ,our   
,lord4 ,it still happens that ,i        
frequently let slip the occasion of     
these slender sacrifices1 which bring so
 much peace1 but this does not          
discourage me2 ,i bear the loss of a    
little peace1 and ,i try to be more     
watchful for the future4  ,how happy    
does ,our ,lord make me1 and how sweet  
and easy is ,his service on this earth6 
,he has always given me what ,i desired1
 or rather ,he has made me desire what  
,he wishes to give4 ,a short time before
 my terrible temptation against ,faith1 
,i had reflected how few exterior       
trials1 worthy of mention1 had fallen to
 my lot1 and that if ,i were to have    
interior trials1 ,god must change my    
path2 and this ,i did not think ,he     
would do4 ,yet ,i could not always live 
at ease4 ,of what means1 then1 would ,he
 make use8  ,i had not long to wait for 
an answer1 and it showed me that ,he    
whom ,i love is never at a loss1 for    

without changing my way1 ,he sent me    
this great trial2 and thus mingled a    
healing bitterness with all the sweet4  
#a ,cf4 ,rom4 #h3ae4  #b ,exod4 #i3af4  
#c ,cf4 ,ps4 #cccd3f4  #d ,ps4          
#aaaaab3d4  #e ,prov4 #ah3ai4  #f ,john 
#aj3ab4  #g ,cf4 #b ,kings #af3aj4  #h  
,mark #g3bh4  #i ,cf4 ,luke #ad3ab1 #ac1
 #ad4  #aj #b ,cor4 #i3g4  #aa ,matt4   
#be3dj4     ,,chapter ,,xi ,a ,,canticle
 ,,of ,,love  ,it is not only when ,he  
is about to send me some trial that ,our
 ,lord gives me warning and awakens my  
desire for it4 ,for years ,i had        
cherished a longing which seemed        
impossible of realisation--to have a    
brother a ,priest4 ,i often used to     
think that if my little brothers had not
 gone to ,heaven1 ,i should have had the
 happiness of seeing them at the ,altar4
 ,i greatly regretted being deprived of 
this joy4 ,yet ,god went beyond my      
dream2 ,i only asked for one brother who
 would remember me each day at the ,holy
 ,altar1 and ,he has united me in the   

bonds of spiritual friendship with two  
of ,his apostles4 ,i should like to tell
 you1 dear ,mother1 how ,our ,divine    
,master fulfilled my desire4  ,in #ahie 
our holy ,mother1 ,st4 ,teresa1 sent my 
first brother as a gift for my feast4   
,it was washing day1 and ,i was busy at 
my work1 when ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus1 
then ,prioress1 called me aside and read
 me a letter from a young ,seminarist1  
in which he said he had been inspired by
 ,st4 ,teresa to ask for a sister who   
would devote herself specially to his   
salvation1 and to the salvation of his  
future flock4 ,he promised always to    
remember this spiritual sister when     
saying ,mass1 and the choice fell upon  
me4 ,dear ,mother1 ,i cannot tell you   
how happy this made me4 ,such           
unlooked-for fulfillment of my desire   
awoke in my heart the joy of a child2 it
 carried me back to those early days1   
when pleasures were so keen1 that my    
heart seemed too small to contain them4 
,years had passed since ,i had tasted a 

like happiness1 so fresh1 so unfamiliar1
 as if forgotten chords had been stirred
 within me4  ,fully aware of my         
obligations1 ,i set to work1 and strove 
to redouble my fervour4 ,now and again  
,i wrote to my new brother4             
,undoubtedly1 it is by prayer and       
sacrifice that we can help our          
missionaries1 but sometimes1 when it    
pleases ,our ,lord to unite two souls   
for ,his ,glory1 ,he permits them to    
communicate their thoughts1 and thus    
inspire each other to love ,god more4   
,of course an express command from those
 in authority is needed for this1       
otherwise1 it seems to me1 that such a  
correspondence would do more harm than  
good1 if not to the missionary1 at least
 to the ,carmelite1 whose manner of life
 tends to continual introversion4 ,this 
exchange of letters1 though rare1 would 
occupy her mind uselessly2 instead of   
uniting her to ,god1 she would perhaps  
fancy she was doing wonders1 when in    
reality1 under cover of zeal1 she was   

doing nothing but producing needless    
distraction4--,and here am ,i1 launched1
 not upon a distraction1 but upon a     
dissertation equally superfluous4 ,i    
shall never be able to correct myself of
 these lengthy digressions which must be
 so wearisome to you1 dear ,mother4     
,forgive me1 should ,i offend again4    
,last year1 at the end of ,may1 it was  
your turn to give me my second brother1 
and when ,i represented that1 having    
given all my merits to one future       
apostle1 ,i feared they could not be    
given to another1 you told me that      
obedience would double their value4 ,in 
the depths of my heart ,i thought the   
same thing1 and1 since the zeal of a    
,carmelite ought to embrace the whole   
world1 ,i hope1 with ,god's help1 to be 
of use to even more than two            
missionaries4 ,i pray for all1 not      
forgetting our ,priests at home1 whose  
ministry is quite as difficult as that  
of the missionary preaching to the      
heathen4 4 4 4 ,in a word1 ,i wish to be

 a true daughter of the ,church1 like   
our holy ,mother ,st4 ,teresa1 and pray 
for all the intentions of ,christ's     
,vicar4 ,that is the one great aim of my
 life4 ,but just as ,i should have had a
 special interest in my little brothers 
had they lived1 and that1 without       
neglecting the general interests of the 
,church1 so now1 ,i unite myself in a   
special way to the new brothers whom    
,jesus has given me4 ,all that ,i       
possess is theirs also4 ,god is too good
 to give by halves2 ,he is so rich that 
,he gives me all ,i ask for1 even though
 ,i do not lose myself in lengthy       
enumerations4 ,as ,i have two brothers  
and my little sisters1 the novices1 the 
days would be too short were ,i to ask  
in detail for the needs of each soul1   
and ,i fear ,i might forget something   
important4 ,simple souls cannot         
understand complicated methods1 and1 as 
,i am one of their number1 ,our ,lord   
has inspired me with a very simple way  
of fulfilling my obligations4 ,one day1 

after ,holy ,communion1 ,he made me     
understand these words of the           
,canticles3 ,draw me3 we will run after 
,thee to the odour of ,thy ointments4#a 
,o my ,jesus1 there is no need to say3  
,in drawing me1 draw also the souls that
 ,i love3 these words1 ,draw me1        
suffice4 ,when a soul has let herself be
 taken captive by the inebriating odour 
of ,thy perfumes1 she cannot run alone2 
as a natural consequence of her         
attraction towards ,thee1 the souls of  
all those she loves are drawn in her    
train4  ,just as a torrent carries into 
the depths of the sea all that it meets 
on its way1 so1 my ,jesus1 does the soul
 who plunges into the shoreless ocean of
 ,thy ,love bring with it all its       
treasures4 ,my treasures are the souls  
it has pleased thee to unite with mine2 
,thou hast confided them to me1 and     
therefore ,i do not fear to use ,thy own
 words1 uttered by ,thee on the last    
night that saw ,thee still a traveller  
on this earth4 ,jesus1 my ,beloved6 ,i  

know not when my exile will have an end4
 ,many a night ,i may yet sing ,thy     
,mercies here below1 but for me also    
will come the last night1 and then ,i   
shall be able to say3  ,i have glorified
 ,thee upon earth3 ,i have finished the 
work which ,thou gavest me to do4 ,i    
have manifested ,thy name to the men    
whom ,thou hast given me out of the     
world4 ,thine they were1 and to me ,thou
 gavest them2 and they have kept ,thy   
word4 ,now they have known that all     
things which ,thou hast given me are    
from ,thee3 because the words which     
,thou gavest me ,i have given to them2  
and they have received them1 and have   
known for certain that ,i came forth    
from ,thee1 and they have believed that 
,thou didst send me4 ,i pray for them3  
,i pray not for the world1 but for them 
whom ,thou hast given me1 because they  
are ,thine4 ,and all mine are ,thine1   
and ,thine are mine2 and ,i am glorified
 in them4 ,and now ,i am no more in the 
world1 and these are in the world1 and  

,i come to ,thee4 ,holy ,father1 keep   
them in ,thy name1 whom ,thou hast given
 me1 that they may be one1 as we also   
are one4 ,and now ,i come to ,thee1 and 
these things ,i speak in the world1 that
 they may have my joy filled in         
themselves4 ,i do not ask that ,thou    
take them away out of the world1 but    
that ,thou preserve them from evil4     
,they are not of the world1 as ,i also  
am not of the world4 ,and not for them  
only do ,i pray1 but for those also who 
through their word shall believe in me4 
,father1 ,i will that where ,i am they  
also whom ,thou hast given me may be    
with me1 that they may see my glory     
which ,thou hast given me1 because ,thou
 hast loved me before the foundation of 
the world4 ,and ,i have made known ,thy 
name unto them1 and will make it known1 
that the love wherewith ,thou hast loved
 me may be in them and ,i in them4#b    
,yea1 ,lord1 thus would ,i repeat ,thy  
words1 before losing myself in ,thy     
loving embrace4 ,perhaps it is daring1  

but1 for a long time1 hast thou not     
allowed me to be daring with ,thee8     
,thou hast said to me1 as the           
,prodigal's father to his elder son3    
,all ,i have is thine4#c ,and therefore 
,i may use thy very own words to draw   
down favours from ,our ,heavenly ,father
 on all who are dear to me4  ,my ,god1  
,thou knowest that ,i have ever desired 
to love ,thee alone4 ,it has been my    
only ambition4 ,thy love has gone before
 me1 even from the days of my childhood4
 ,it has grown with my growth1 and now  
it is an abyss whose depths ,i cannot   
fathom4  ,love attracts love2 mine darts
 towards ,thee1 and would fain make the 
abyss brim over1 but alas6 it is not    
even as a dewdrop in the ocean4 ,to love
 ,thee as ,thou lovest me1 ,i must make 
,thy ,love mine own4 ,thus alone can ,i 
find rest4 ,o my ,jesus1 it seems to me 
that ,thou couldst not have overwhelmed 
a soul with more love than ,thou hast   
poured out on mine1 and that is why ,i  
dare ask ,thee to love those ,thou hast 

given me1 even as ,thou lovest me4  ,if1
 in ,heaven1 ,i find that thou lovest   
them more than ,thou lovest me1 ,i shall
 rejoice1 for ,i acknowledge that their 
deserts are greater than mine1 but now1 
,i can conceive no love more vast than  
that with which ,thou hast favoured me1 
without any merit on my part4  4   4   4
   4   4   4   4  ,dear ,mother1 what ,i
 have just written amazes me4 ,i had no 
intention of writing it4 ,when ,i said3 
,the words which ,thou gavest me ,i have
 given unto them1 ,i was thinking only  
of my little sisters in the noviciate4  
,i am not able to teach missionaries1   
and the words ,i wrote for them were    
from the prayer of ,our ,lord3 ,i do not
 ask that ,thou shouldst take them out  
of the world2 ,i pray also for them who 
through their word shall believe in     
,thee4  ,how could ,i forget those souls
 they are to win by their sufferings and
 exhortations8  ,but ,i have not told   
you all my thoughts on this passage of  
the ,sacred ,canticles3 ,draw me--we    

will run6 ,our ,lord has said3 ,no man  
can come to ,me except the ,father ,who 
hath sent ,me1 draw him1#d and later ,he
 tells us that whosoever seeks shall    
find1 whosoever asks shall receive1 that
 unto him that knocks it shall be       
opened1 and ,he adds that whatever we   
ask the ,father in ,his ,name shall be  
given us4 ,it was no doubt for this     
reason that1 long before the birth of   
,our ,lord1 the ,holy ,spirit dictated  
these prophetic words3 ,draw me--we will
 run6 ,by asking to be drawn1 we desire 
an intimate union with the object of our
 love4 ,if iron and fire were endowed   
with reason1 and the iron could say3    
,draw me6 would not that prove its      
desire to be identified with the fire to
 the point of sharing its substance8    
,well1 this is precisely my prayer4 ,i  
asked ,jesus to draw me into the ,fire  
of ,his love1 and to unite me so closely
 to ,himself that ,he may live and act  
in me4 ,i feel that the more the fire of
 love consumes my heart1 so much the    

more shall ,i say3 ,draw me6 and the    
more also will souls who draw near me   
run swiftly in the sweet odour of the   
,beloved4  ,yes1 they will run--we shall
 all run together1 for souls that are on
 fire can never be at rest4 ,they may   
indeed1 like ,st4 ,mary ,magdalen1 sit  
at the feet of ,jesus1 listening to ,his
 sweet and burning words1 but1 though   
they seem to give ,him nothing1 they    
give much more than ,martha1 who busied 
herself about many things4 ,it is not   
,martha's work that ,our ,lord blames1  
but her over-solicitude2 ,his ,blessed  
,mother humbly occupied herself in the  
same kind of work when she prepared the 
meals for the ,holy ,family4 ,all the   
,saints have understood this1 especially
 those who have illumined the earth with
 the light of ,christ's teaching4 ,was  
it not from prayer that ,st4 ,paul1 ,st4
 ,augustine1 ,st4 ,thomas ,aquinas1 ,st4
 ,john of the ,cross1 ,st4 ,teresa1 and 
so many other friends of ,god drew that 
wonderful science which has enthralled  

the loftiest minds8 ,give me a lever and
 a fulcrum on which to lean it1 said    
,archimedes1 and ,i will lift the world4
  ,what he could not obtain because his 
request had only a material end1 without
 reference to ,god1 the ,saints have    
obtained in all its fulness4 ,they lean 
on ,god ,almighty's power itself and    
their lever is the prayer that inflames 
with love's fire4 ,with this lever they 
have raised the world--with this lever  
the ,saints of the ,church ,militant    
still raise it1 and will raise it to the
 end of time4  ,dear ,mother1 ,i have   
still to tell you what ,i understand by 
the sweet odour of the ,beloved4 ,as    
,our ,lord is now in ,heaven1 ,i can    
only follow ,him by the footprints ,he  
has left--footprints full of life1 full 
of fragrance4 ,i have only to open the  
,holy ,gospels and at once ,i breathe   
the perfume of ,jesus1 and then ,i know 
which way to run2 and it is not to the  
first place1 but to the last1 that ,i   
hasten4 ,i leave the ,pharisee to go up1

 and full of confidence ,i repeat the   
humble prayer of the ,publican4 ,above  
all ,i follow ,magdalen1 for the        
amazing1 rather ,i should say1 the      
loving audacity1 that delights the      
,heart of ,jesus1 has cast its spell    
upon mine4 ,it is not because ,i have   
been preserved from mortal sin that ,i  
lift up my heart to ,god in trust and   
love4 ,i feel that even had ,i on my    
conscience every crime one could commit1
 ,i should lose nothing of my           
confidence3 my heart broken with sorrow1
 ,i would throw myself into the ,arms of
 my ,saviour4 ,i know that ,he loves the
 ,prodigal ,son1 ,i have heard ,his     
words to ,st4 ,mary ,magdalen1 to the   
woman taken in adultery1 and to the     
woman of ,samaria4 ,no one could        
frighten me1 for ,i know what to believe
 concerning ,his ,mercy and ,his ,love4 
,and ,i know that all that multitude of 
sins would disappear in an instant1 even
 as a drop of water cast into a flaming 
furnace4  ,it is told in the ,lives of  

the ,fathers of the ,desert how one of  
them converted a public sinner1 whose   
evil deeds were the scandal of the whole
 country4 ,this wicked woman1 touched by
 grace1 followed the ,saint into the    
desert1 there to perform rigorous       
penance4 ,but on the first night of the 
journey1 before even reaching the place 
of her retirement1 the bonds that bound 
her to earth were broken by the         
vehemence of her loving sorrow4 ,the    
holy man1 at the same instant1 saw her  
soul borne by ,angels to the ,bosom of  
,god4  ,this is a striking example of   
what ,i want to say1 but these things   
cannot be expressed4 ,dearest ,mother1  
if weak and imperfect souls like mine   
felt what ,i feel1 none would despair of
 reaching the summit of the ,mountain of
 ,love1 since ,jesus does not ask for   
great deeds1 but only for gratitude and 
self-surrender4  ,he says3 ,i will not  
take the he-goats from out of the       
flocks1 for all the beasts of the       
forests are mine1 the cattle on the     

hills and the oxen4 ,i know all the     
fowls of the air4 ,if ,i were hungry1 ,i
 would not tell thee1 for the world is  
,mine1 and the fulness thereof4 ,shall  
,i eat the flesh of bullocks1 or shall  
,i drink the blood of goats8 ,offer to  
,god the sacrifice of praise and        
thanksgiving4#e  ,this is all ,our ,lord
 claims from us4 ,he has need of our    
love--,he has no need of our works4 ,the
 same ,god1 ,who declares that ,he has  
no need to tell us if ,he be hungry1 did
 not disdain to beg a little water from 
the ,samaritan woman4 ,he was athirst1  
but when ,he said3 ,give me to drink1#f 
,he1 the ,creator of the ,universe1     
asked for the love of ,his creature4 ,he
 thirsted for love4  ,and this thirst of
 ,our ,divine ,lord was ever on the     
increase4 ,amongst the disciples of the 
world1 ,he meets with nothing but       
indifference and ingratitude1 and alas6 
among ,his own1 how few hearts surrender
 themselves without reserve to the      
infinite tenderness of ,his ,love4      

,happy are we who are privileged to     
understand the inmost secrets of ,our   
,divine ,spouse4 ,if you1 dear ,mother1 
would but set down in writing all you   
know1 what wonders could you not unfold6
  ,but1 like ,our ,blessed ,lady1 you   
prefer to keep all these things in your 
heart4#g ,to me you say that ,it is     
honourable to reveal and confess the    
world of ,god4#h ,yet you are right to  
keep silence1 for no earthly words can  
convey the secrets of ,heaven4  ,as for 
me1 in spite of all ,i have written1 ,i 
have not as yet begun4 ,i see so many   
beautiful horizons1 such infinitely     
varied tints1 that the palette of the   
,divine ,painter will alone1 after the  
darkness of this life1 be able to supply
 me with the colours wherewith ,i may   
portray the wonders that my soul        
descries4 ,since1 however1 you have     
expressed a desire to penetrate into the
 hidden sanctuary of my heart1 and to   
have in writing what was the most       
consoling dream of my life1 ,i will end 

this story of my soul1 by an act of     
obedience4 ,if you will allow me1 it is 
to ,jesus ,i will address myself1 for in
 this way ,i shall speak more easily4   
,you may find my expressions somewhat   
exaggerated1 but ,i assure you there is 
no exaggeration in my heart--there all  
is calm and peace4  ,o my ,jesus1 who   
can say how tenderly and gently ,thou   
dost lead my soul6 ,the storm had raged 
there ever since ,easter1 the glorious  
feast of ,thy triumph1 until1 in the    
month of ,may1 there shone through the  
darkness of my night one bright ray of  
grace4 4 4 4 ,my mind dwelt on          
mysterious dreams sent sometimes to ,thy
 favoured ones1 and ,i thought how such 
a consolation was not to be mine--that  
for me1 it was night1 always the dark   
night4 ,and in the midst of the storm ,i
 fell asleep4 ,the following day1 ,may  
#aj1 just at dawn1 ,i dreamt that ,i was
 walking in a gallery alone with ,our   
,mother4 ,suddenly1 without knowing how 
they had entered1 ,i perceived three    

,carmelites1 in mantles and long veils1 
and ,i knew that they came from ,heaven4
 ,ah6 ,i thought1 how glad ,i should be 
if ,i could but look on the face of one 
of these ,carmelites6 ,and1 as if my    
wish had been heard1 ,i saw the tallest 
of the three ,saints advance towards me4
 ,an inexpressible joy took possession  
of me as she raised her veil1 and then  
covered me with it4  ,at once ,i        
recognised our ,venerable ,mother1 ,anne
 of ,jesus1 foundress of the ,carmel in 
,france4#i ,her face was beautiful with 
an unearthly beauty2 no rays came from  
it1 and yet1 in spite of the thick veil 
which enveloped us1 ,i could see it     
suffused by a soft light1 which seemed  
to emanate from her heavenly            
countenance4 ,she caressed me tenderly1 
and seeing myself the object of such    
affection1 ,i made bold to say3 ,dear   
,mother1 ,i entreat you1 tell me1 will  
,our ,lord leave me much longer in this 
world8 ,will ,he not soon come to fetch 
me8 ,she smiled sweetly1 and answered1  

,yes1 soon 4 4 4 very soon 4 4 4 ,i     
promise you4 ,dear ,mother1 ,i asked    
again1 tell me if ,he does not want more
 from me than these poor little acts and
 desires that ,i offer ,him4 ,is ,he    
pleased with me8 ,then our ,venerable   
,mother's face shone with a new         
splendour1 and her expression became    
still more gracious3 ,the ,good ,god    
asks no more of you1 she said1 ,he is   
pleased1 quite pleased1 and1 taking my  
head between her hands1 she kissed me so
 tenderly that it would be impossible to
 describe the joy ,i felt4 ,my heart was
 overflowing with gladness1 and1        
remembering my ,sisters1 ,i was about to
 beseech some favour for them1 when1    
alas6 ,i awoke4 ,my happiness was too   
great for words4 ,many months have      
passed since ,i had this wonderful      
dream1 and yet its memory is as fresh   
and delightful as ever4 ,i can still    
picture the loving smiles of this holy  
,carmelite and feel her fond caresses4  
,o ,jesus6 ,thou didst command the winds

 and the storm1 and there came a great  
calm4#aj  ,on waking1 ,i realised that  
,heaven does indeed exist1 and that this
 ,heaven is peopled with souls who      
cherish me as their child1 and this     
impression still remains with me--all   
the sweeter1 because1 up to that time1  
,i had but little devotion to the       
,venerable ,mother ,anne of ,jesus4 ,i  
had never sought her help1 and but      
rarely heard her name4 ,and now ,i know 
and understand how constantly ,i was in 
her thoughts1 and the knowledge adds to 
my love for her and for all the dear    
ones in my ,father's ,home4  ,o my      
,beloved6 this was but the prelude of   
graces yet greater which ,thou didst    
desire to heap upon me4 ,let me remind  
,thee of them to-day1 and forgive my    
folly if ,i venture to tell ,thee once  
more of my hopes1 and my heart's well   
nigh infinite longings--forgive me and  
grant my desire1 that it may be well    
with my soul4 ,to be ,thy ,spouse1 ,o my
 ,jesus1 to be a daughter of ,carmel1   

and by my union with ,thee to be the    
mother of souls1 should not all this    
content me8 ,and yet other vocations    
make themselves felt--,i feel called to 
the ,priesthood and to the              
,apostolate--,i would be a ,martyr1 a   
,doctor of the ,church4 ,i should like  
to accomplish the most heroic deeds--the
 spirit of the ,crusader burns within   
me1 and ,i long to die on the field of  
battle in defence of ,holy ,church4     
,the vocation of a ,priest6 ,with what  
love1 my ,jesus1 would ,i bear ,thee in 
my hand1 when my words brought ,thee    
down from ,heaven6 ,with what love would
 ,i give ,thee to souls6 ,and yet1 while
 longing to be a ,priest1 ,i admire and 
envy the humility of ,st4 ,francis of   
,assisi1 and am drawn to imitate him by 
refusing the sublime dignity of the     
,priesthood4 ,how reconcile these       
opposite tendencies8#aa  ,like the      
,prophets and ,doctors1 ,i would be a   
light unto souls1 ,i would travel to    
every land to preach ,thy name1 ,o my   

,beloved1 and raise on heathen soil the 
glorious standard of ,thy ,cross4 ,one  
mission alone would not satisfy my      
longings4 ,i would spread the ,gospel to
 the ends of the earth1 even to the most
 distant isles4 ,i would be a           
,missionary1 not for a few years only1  
but1 were it possible1 from the         
beginning of the world till the         
consummation of time4 ,above all1 ,i    
thirst for the ,martyr's crown4 ,it was 
the desire of my earliest days1 and the 
desire has deepened with the years      
passed in the ,carmel's narrow cell4    
,but this too is folly1 since ,i do not 
sigh for one torment2 ,i need them all  
to slake my thirst4 ,like ,thee1 ,o     
,adorable ,spouse1 ,i would be scourged1
 ,i would be crucified6 ,i would be     
flayed like ,st4 ,bartholomew1 plunged  
into boiling oil like ,st4 ,john1 or1   
like ,st4 ,ignatius of ,antioch1 ground 
by the teeth of wild beasts into a bread
 worthy of ,god4#ab  ,with ,st4 ,agnes  
and ,st4 ,cecilia ,i would offer my neck

 to the sword of the executioner1 and   
like ,joan of ,arc ,i would murmur the  
name of ,jesus at the stake4  ,my heart 
thrills at the thought of the frightful 
tortures ,christians are to suffer at   
the time of ,anti-,christ1 and ,i long  
to undergo them all4 ,open1 ,o ,jesus1  
the ,book of ,life1 in which are written
 the deeds of ,thy ,saints3 all the     
deeds told in that book ,i long to have 
accomplished for ,thee4 ,to such folly  
as this what answer wilt ,thou make8 ,is
 there on the face of this earth a soul 
more feeble than mine8 ,and yet1        
precisely because ,i am feeble1 it has  
delighted ,thee to accede to my least   
and most child-like desires1 and to-day 
it is ,thy good pleasure to realise     
those other desires1 more vast than the 
,universe4 ,these aspirations becoming a
 true martyrdom1 ,i opened1 one day1 the
 ,epistles of ,st4 ,paul to seek relief 
in my sufferings4 ,my eyes fell on the  
#abth and #acth chapters of the ,first  
,epistle to the ,corinthians4 ,i read   

that all cannot become ,apostles1       
,prophets1 and ,doctors2 that the       
,church is composed of different        
members2 that the eye cannot also be the
 hand4 ,the answer was clear1 but it did
 not fulfill my desires1 or give to me  
the peace ,i sought4 ,then descending   
into the depths of my nothingness1 ,i   
was so lifted up that ,i reached my     
aim4#ac  ,without being discouraged ,i  
read on1 and found comfort in this      
counsel3 ,be zealous for the better     
gifts4 ,and ,i show unto you a yet more 
excellent way4#ad ,the ,apostle then    
explains how all perfect gifts are      
nothing without ,love1 that ,charity is 
the most excellent way of going surely  
to ,god4 ,at last ,i had found rest4    
,meditating on the mystical ,body of    
,holy ,church1 ,i could not recognise   
myself among any of its members as      
described by ,st4 ,paul1 or was it not  
rather that ,i wished to recognise      
myself in all8 ,charity provided me with
 the key to my vocation4 ,i understood  

that since the ,church is a body        
composed of different members1 the      
noblest and most important of all the   
organs would not be wanting4 ,i knew    
that the ,church has a heart1 that this 
heart burns with love1 and that it is   
love alone which gives life to its      
members4 ,i knew that if this love were 
extinguished1 the ,apostles would no    
longer preach the ,gospel1 and the      
,martyrs would refuse to shed their     
blood4 ,i understood that love embraces 
all vocations1 that it is all things1   
and that it reaches out through all the 
ages1 and to the uttermost limits of the
 earth1 because it is eternal4  ,then1  
beside myself with joy1 ,i cried out3 ,o
 ,jesus1 my ,love1 at last ,i have found
 my vocation4 ,my vocation is love6     
,yes1 ,i have found my place in the     
bosom of the ,church1 and this place1 ,o
 my ,god1 ,thou hast ,thyself given to  
me3 in the heart of the ,church1 my     
,mother1 ,i will be ,,love6 4 4 4 ,thus 
,i shall be all things3 thus will my    

dream be realised4 4 4 4  ,why do ,i say
 ,i am beside myself with joy8 ,this    
does not convey my thought4 ,rather is  
it peace which has become my            
portion--the calm peace of the sailor   
when he catches sight of the beacon     
which lights him to port4 ,o luminous   
,beacon of ,love6 ,i know how to come   
even unto ,thee1 ,i have found the means
 of borrowing ,thy ,fires4  ,i am but a 
weak and helpless child1 yet it is my   
very weakness which makes me dare to    
offer myself1 ,o ,jesus1 as victim to   
,thy ,love4  ,in olden days pure and    
spotless holocausts alone were          
acceptable to the ,omnipotent ,god4 ,nor
 could ,his ,justice be appeased1 save  
by the most perfect sacrifices4 ,but the
 law of fear has given place to the law 
of love1 and ,love has chosen me1 a weak
 and imperfect creature1 as its victim4 
,is not such a choice worthy of ,god's  
,love8 ,yea1 for in order that ,love may
 be fully satisfied1 it must stoop even 
unto nothingness1 and must transform    

that nothingness into fire4 ,o my ,god1 
,i know it--,love is repaid by love     
alone4#ae ,therefore ,i have sought1 ,i 
have found1 how to ease my heart1 by    
rendering ,thee love for love4  ,use the
 riches that make men unjust1 to find   
you friends who may receive you into    
everlasting dwellings4#af ,this1 ,o     
,lord1 is the advice ,thou gavest to    
,thy disciples after complaining that   
the children of this world are wiser in 
their generation than the children of   
light4#ag  ,child of light1 as ,i am1 ,i
 understood that my desires to be all   
things1 and to embrace all vocations1   
were riches that might well make me     
unjust2 so ,i set to work to use them   
for the making of friends4 ,mindful of  
the prayer of ,eliseus when he asked the
 ,prophet ,elias for his double spirit1 
,i presented myself before the company  
of the ,angels and ,saints and addressed
 them thus3 ,i am the least of all      
creatures4 ,i know my mean estate1 but  
,i know that noble and generous hearts  

love to do good4 ,therefore1 ,o ,blessed
 ,inhabitants of the ,celestial ,city1  
,i entreat you to adopt me as your      
child4 ,all the glory that you help me  
to acquire1 will be yours2 only deign to
 hear my prayer1 and obtain for me a    
double portion of the love of ,god4  ,o 
my ,god6 ,i cannot measure the extent of
 my request1 ,i should fear to be       
crushed by the very weight of its       
audacity4 ,my only excuse is my claim to
 childhood1 and that children do not    
grasp the full meaning of their words4  
,yet if a father or mother were on the  
throne and possessed vast treasures1    
they would not hesitate to grant the    
desires of those little ones1 more dear 
to them than life itself4 ,to give them 
pleasure they will stoop even unto      
folly4  ,well1 ,i am a child of ,holy   
,church1 and the ,church is a ,queen1   
because she is now espoused to the      
,divine ,king of ,kings4 ,i ask not for 
riches or glory1 not even the glory of  
,heaven--that belongs by right to my    

brothers the ,angels and ,saints1 and my
 own glory shall be the radiance that   
streams from the queenly brow of my     
,mother1 the ,church4 ,nay1 ,i ask for  
,love4 ,to love ,thee1 ,jesus1 is now my
 only desire4 ,great deeds are not for  
me2 ,i cannot preach the ,gospel or shed
 my blood4 ,no matter6 ,my brothers work
 in my stead1 and ,i1 a little child1   
stay close to the throne1 and love ,thee
 for all who are in the strife4  ,but   
how shall ,i show my love1 since love   
proves itself by deeds8 ,well6 ,the     
little child will strew flowers 4 4 4   
she will embrace the ,divine ,throne    
with their fragrance1 she will sing     
,love's ,canticle in silvery tones4     
,yes1 my ,beloved1 it is thus my short  
life shall be spent in ,thy sight4 ,the 
only way ,i have of proving my love is  
to strew flowers before ,thee--that is  
to say1 ,i will let no tiny sacrifice   
pass1 no look1 no word4 ,i wish to      
profit by the smallest actions1 and to  
do them for ,love4 ,i wish to suffer for

 ,love's sake1 and for ,love's sake even
 to rejoice3 thus shall ,i strew        
flowers4 ,not one shall ,i find without 
scattering its petals before ,thee 4 4 4
 and ,i will sing 4 4 4 ,i will sing    
always1 even if my roses must be        
gathered from amidst thorns2 and the    
longer and sharper the thorns1 the      
sweeter shall be my song4  ,but of what 
avail to thee1 my ,jesus1 are my flowers
 and my songs8 ,i know it well3 this    
fragrant shower1 these delicate petals  
of little price1 these songs of love    
from a poor little heart like mine1 will
 nevertheless be pleasing unto ,thee4   
,trifles they are1 but ,thou wilt smile 
on them4 ,the ,church ,triumphant1      
stooping towards her child1 will gather 
up these scattered rose leaves1 and1    
placing them in ,thy ,divine ,hands1    
there to acquire an infinite value1 will
 shower them on the ,church ,suffering  
to extinguish its flames1 and on the    
,church ,militant to obtain its victory4
  ,o my ,jesus1 ,i love ,thee6 ,i love  

my ,mother1 the ,church2 ,i bear in mind
 that the least act of pure love is of  
more value to her than all other works  
together4#ah  ,but is this pure love    
really in my heart8 ,are not my         
boundless desires but dreams--but       
foolishness8 ,if this be so1 ,i beseech 
,thee to enlighten me2 ,thou knowest ,i 
seek but the truth4 ,if my desires be   
rash1 then deliver me from them1 and    
from this most grievous of all          
martyrdoms4 ,and yet ,i confess1 if ,i  
reach not those heights to which my soul
 aspires1 this very martyrdom1 this     
foolishness1 will have been sweeter to  
me than eternal bliss will be1 unless by
 a miracle ,thou shouldst take from me  
all memory of the hopes ,i entertained  
upon earth4 ,jesus1 ,jesus6 ,if the mere
 desire of ,thy ,love awakens such      
delight1 what will it be to possess it1 
to enjoy it for ever8  ,how can a soul  
so imperfect as mine aspire to the      
plenitude of ,love8 ,what is the key of 
this mystery8 ,o my only ,friend1 why   

dost ,thou not reserve these infinite   
longings to lofty souls1 to the eagles  
that soar in the heights8 ,alas6 ,i am  
but a poor little unfledged bird4 ,i am 
not an eagle1 ,i have but the eagle's   
eyes and heart6 ,yet1 notwithstanding my
 exceeding littleless1 ,i dare to gaze  
upon the ,divine ,sun of ,love1 and ,i  
burn to dart upwards unto ,him6 ,i would
 fly1 ,i would imitate the eagles2 but  
all that ,i can do is to lift up my     
little wings--it is beyond my feeble    
power to soar4 ,what is to become of me8
 ,must ,i die of sorrow because of my   
helplessness8 ,oh1 no6 ,i will not even 
grieve4 ,with daring self-abandonment   
there will ,i remain until death1 my    
gaze fixed upon that ,divine ,sun4      
,nothing shall affright me1 nor wind nor
 rain4 ,and should impenetrable clouds  
conceal the ,orb of ,love1 and should ,i
 seem to believe that beyond this life  
there is darkness only1 that would be   
the hour of perfect joy1 the hour in    
which to push my confidence to its      

uttermost bounds4 ,i should not dare to 
detach my gaze1 well knowing that beyond
 the dark clouds the sweet ,sun still   
shines4  ,so far1 ,o my ,god1 ,i        
understand ,thy ,love for me4 ,but ,thou
 knowest how often ,i forget this1 my   
only care4 ,i stray from ,thy side1 and 
my scarcely fledged wings become        
draggled in the muddy pools of earth2   
then ,i lament like a young swallow1#ai 
and my lament tells ,thee all1 and ,i   
remember1 ,o ,infinite ,mercy6 that     
,thou didst not come to call the just1  
but sinners4#bj  ,yet shouldst ,thou    
still be deaf to the plaintive cries of 
,thy feeble creature1 shouldst ,thou    
still be veiled1 then ,i am content to  
remain benumbed with cold1 my wings     
bedraggled1 and once more ,i rejoice in 
this well-deserved suffering4  ,o ,sun1 
my only ,love1 ,i am happy to feel      
myself so small1 so frail in ,thy       
sunshine1 and ,i am in peace 4 4 4 ,i   
know that all the eagles of ,thy        
,celestial ,court have pity on me1 they 

guard and defend me1 they put to flight 
the vultures--the demons that fain would
 devour me4 ,i fear them not1 these     
demons1 ,i am not destined to be their  
prey1 but the prey of the ,divine       
,eagle4  ,o ,eternal ,word6 ,o my       
,saviour6 ,thou art the ,divine ,eagle  
,whom ,i love--,who lurest me4 ,thou    
,who1 descending to this land of exile1 
didst will to suffer and to die1 in     
order to bear away the souls of men and 
plunge them into the very heart of the  
,blessed ,trinity--,love's ,eternal     
,home6 ,thou ,who1 reascending into     
inaccessible light1 dost still remain   
concealed here in our vale of tears     
under the snow-white semblance of the   
,host1 and this1 to nourish me with     
,thine own substance6 ,o ,jesus6 forgive
 me if ,i tell ,thee that ,thy ,love    
reacheth even unto folly4 ,and in face  
of this folly1 what wilt ,thou1 but that
 my heart leap up to ,thee8 ,how could  
my trust have any limits8  ,i know that 
the ,saints have made themselves as     

fools for ,thy sake2 being 'eagles1'    
they have done great things4 ,i am too  
little for great things1 and my folly it
 is to hope that ,thy ,love accepts me  
as victim2 my folly it is to count on   
the aid of ,angels and ,saints1 in order
 that ,i may fly unto ,thee with thine  
own wings1 ,o my ,divine ,eagle6 ,for as
 long a time as ,thou willest ,i shall  
remain--my eyes fixed upon ,thee4 ,i    
long to be allured by ,thy ,divine      
,eyes2 ,i would become ,love's prey4 ,i 
have the hope that ,thou wilt one day   
swoop down upon me1 and1 bearing me away
 to the ,source of all ,love1 ,thou wilt
 plunge me at last into that glowing    
abyss1 that ,i may become for ever its  
happy ,victim4  ,o ,jesus6 would that ,i
 could tell all little souls of ,thine  
ineffable condescension6 ,i feel that if
 by any possibility ,thou couldst find  
one weaker than my own1 ,thou wouldst   
take delight in loading her with still  
greater favours1 provided that she      
abandoned herself with entire confidence

 to ,thine ,infinite ,mercy4 ,but1 ,o my
 ,spouse1 why these desires of mine to  
make known the secrets of ,thy ,love8   
,is it not ,thyself alone ,who hast     
taught them to me1 and canst ,thou not  
unveil them to others8 ,yea6 ,i know it1
 and this ,i implore ,thee6 4 4 4  ,i   
,,entreat ,,thee ,,to ,,let ,,thy       
,,divine ,,eyes ,,rest ,,upon ,a ,,vast 
,,number ,,of ,,little ,,souls1 ,i      
,,entreat ,,thee ,,to ,,choose1 ,,in    
,,this ,,world1 ,a ,,legion ,,of        
,,little ,,victims ,,of ,,thy ,,love4   
#a ,cant4 #a3c4  #b ,cf4 ,john #ag4  #c 
,luke #ae3ca4  #d ,john #f3dd4  #e ,ps4 
#diej3i-ad4  #f ,john #d3g4  #g ,cf4    
,luke #b3ai4  #h ,tob4 #ab3g4  #i ,the  
,venerable ,mother ,anne of ,jesus--in  
the world1 ,anne of ,lobera--was born in
 ,spain in #aede4 ,she entered the      
,carmelite ,order in #aegj1 in the first
 convent of ,st4 ,joseph of ,avila1 and 
shortly afterwards became the counsellor
 and coadjutor of ,st4 ,teresa1 who     
called her1 her daughter and her crown4 

,st4 ,john of the ,cross1 who was her   
spiritual director for fourteen years1  
described her as a seraph incarnate1 and
 her prudence and sanctity were held in 
such esteem that the most learned men   
consulted her in their doubts1 and      
accepted her answers as oracles4 ,she   
was always faithful to the spirit of    
,st4 ,teresa1 and had received from     
,heaven the mission to restore the      
,carmel to its primitive perfection4    
,having founded three convents of the   
,reform in ,spain1 she established one  
in ,france1 and another in ,belgium4    
,she died in the odor of sanctity in the
 ,carmel of ,brussels on ,march #d1     
#afba4 ,on ,may #c1 #ahgh1 ,his         
,holiness ,pope ,leo ,,xiii signed the  
,decree introducing the ,cause of her   
,beatification4  #aj ,matt4 #h3aj4  #aa 
,st4 ,francis of ,assisi1 out of        
humility1 refused to accept the sublime 
dignity of the ,priesthood1 and remained
 a ,deacon until his death4 ,ed4  #ab   
,an allusion to the beautiful words of  

the martyr ,st4 ,ignatius of ,antioch1  
uttered when he heard the roar of the   
lions in the ,roman arena4 ,i am the    
wheat of ,christ2 let me be ground by   
the teeth of the wild beasts1 that ,i   
may become clean bread4 ,ed4  #ac ,st4  
,john of the ,cross4  #ad #a ,cor4      
#ab3ca4  #ae ,st4 ,john of the ,cross4  
#af ,cf4 ,luke #af3i4  #ag ,luke #af3h4 
#ah ,st4 ,john of the ,cross4  #ai ,isa4
 #ch3ad4  #bj ,matt4 #i3ae4     ,,end   
,,of ,,the ,,autobiography              
,,epilogue3 ,a ,,victim ,,of ,,divine   
,,love  ,many pages of this story--said 
its writer--will never be read upon     
earth4 ,it is necessary to repeat and   
emphasize her words4 ,there are         
sufferings which are not to be disclosed
 here below2 ,our ,lord has jealously   
reserved to ,himself the right to reveal
 their merit and glory1 in the clear    
vision where all veils shall be removed4
 ,my ,god1 she cried on the day of her  
religious profession1 give me martyrdom 
of soul or body 4 4 4 or rather give me 

both the one and the other6 ,and ,our   
,lord ,who1 as she herself avowed1      
fulfilled all her desires1 granted this 
one also1 and in more abundant measure  
than the rest4 ,he caused the floods of 
infinite tenderness pent up in ,his     
,divine ,heart to overflow into the soul
 of ,his little ,spouse4 ,this was the  
,martyrdom of ,love1 so well described  
in her melodious song4 ,but it was her  
own doctrine that1 to dedicate oneself  
as a ,victim of ,love is not to be      
dedicated to sweetness and consolations2
 it is to offer oneself to all that is  
painful and bitter1 because ,love lives 
only by sacrifice 4 4 4 and the more we 
would surrender ourselves to ,love1 the 
more we must surrender ourselves to     
suffering4  ,therefore1 because she     
desired to attain the loftiest height of
 ,love1 the ,divine ,master led her     
thither by the rugged path of sorrow1   
and it was only on its bleak summit that
 she died a ,victim of ,love4  4   4   4
   4   4   4   4  ,we have seen how     

great was her sacrifice in leaving her  
happy home and the ,father who loved her
 so tenderly4 ,it may be imagined that  
this sacrifice was softened1 because at 
the ,carmel she found again her two     
elder and dearly loved sisters4 ,on the 
contrary1 this afforded the young       
postulant many an occasion for          
repressing her strong natural           
affections4 ,the rules of solitude and  
silence were strictly observed1 and she 
only saw her sisters at recreation4 ,had
 she been less mortified1 she might     
often have sat beside them1 but by      
preference she sought out the company of
 those religious who were least         
agreeable to her1 and no one could tell 
whether or not she bore a special       
affection towards her own sisters4      
,some time after her entrance1 she was  
appointed as aid to ,sister ,agnes of   
,jesus1 her dear ,pauline2 this was a   
fresh occasion for sacrifice4 ,thrse    
knew that all unnecessary conversation  
was forbidden1 and therefore she never  

allowed herself even the least word4 ,o 
my little ,mother1 she said later1 how  
,i suffered6 ,i could not open my heart 
to you1 and ,i thought you no longer    
knew me6  ,after five years of this     
heroic silence1 ,sister ,agnes of ,jesus
 was elected ,prioress4 ,on the evening 
of the election ,thrse might well have  
rejoiced that henceforth she could speak
 freely to her little ,mother1 and1 as  
of old1 pour out her soul4 ,but         
sacrifice had become her daily food4 ,if
 she sought one favour more than        
another1 it was that she might be looked
 on as the lowest and the least2 and1   
among all the religious1 not one saw    
less of the ,mother ,prioress4  ,she    
desired to live the life of ,carmel with
 all the perfection required by ,st4    
,teresa1 and1 although a martyr to      
habitual dryness1 her prayer was        
continuous4 ,on one occasion a novice1  
entering her cell1 was struck by the    
heavenly expression of her countenance4 
,she was sewing industriously1 and yet  

seemed lost in deep contemplation4 ,what
 are you thinking of8 the young ,sister 
asked4 ,i am meditating on the ',our    
,father1' ,thrse answered4 ,it is so    
sweet to call ,god1 ',our ,father6' 4 4 
4 and tears glistened in her eyes4      
,another time she said1 ,i cannot well  
see what more ,i shall have in ,heaven  
than ,i have now2 ,i shall see ,god1 it 
is true1 but1 as to being with ,him1 ,i 
am that already even on earth4  ,the    
flame of ,divine ,love consumed her1 and
 this is what she herself relates3 ,a   
few days after the oblation of myself to
 ,god's ,merciful ,love1 ,i was in the  
choir1 beginning the ,way of the ,cross1
 when ,i felt myself suddenly wounded by
 a dart of fire so ardent that ,i       
thought ,i should die4 ,i do not know   
how to explain this transport2 there is 
no comparison to describe the intensity 
of that flame4 ,it seemed as though an  
invisible force plunged me wholly into  
fire4 4 4 4 ,but oh6 what fire6 what    
sweetness6  ,when ,mother ,prioress     

asked her if this rapture was the first 
she had experienced1 she answered       
simply3 ,dear ,mother1 ,i have had      
several transports of love1 and one in  
particular during my ,noviciate1 when ,i
 remained for a whole week far removed  
from this world4 ,it seemed as though a 
veil were thrown over all earthly       
things4 ,but1 ,i was not then consumed  
by a real fire4 ,i was able to bear     
those transports of love without        
expecting to see the ties that bound me 
to earth give way2 whilst1 on the day of
 which ,i now speak1 one minute--one    
second--more and my soul must have been 
set free4 ,alas6 ,i found myself again  
on earth1 and dryness at once returned  
to my heart4 ,true1 the ,divine ,hand   
had withdrawn the fiery dart--but the   
wound was unto death6  ,in that close   
union with ,god1 ,thrse acquired a      
remarkable mastery over self4 ,all sweet
 virtues flourished in the garden of her
 soul1 but do not let us imagine that   
these wondrous flowers grew without     

effort on her part4  ,in this world     
there is no fruitfulness without        
suffering--either physical pain1 secret 
sorrow1 or trials known sometimes only  
to ,god4 ,when good thoughts and        
generous resolutions have sprung up in  
our souls through reading the lives of  
the ,saints1 we ought not to content    
ourselves1 as in the case of profane    
books1 with paying a certain tribute of 
admiration to the genius of their       
authors--we should rather consider the  
price which1 doubtless1 they have paid  
for that supernatural good they have    
produced4#a  ,and1 if to-day ,thrse     
transforms so many hearts1 and the good 
she does on earth is beyond reckoning1  
we may well believe she bought it all at
 the price with which ,jesus bought back
 our souls3 by suffering and the ,cross6
  ,not the least of these sufferings was
 the unceasing war she waged against    
herself1 refusing every satisfaction to 
the demands of her naturally proud and  
impetuous nature4 ,while still a child  

she had acquired the habit of never     
excusing herself or making a complaint2 
at the ,carmel she strove to be the     
little servant of her ,sisters in       
religion1 and in that same spirit of    
humility she endeavoured to obey all    
without distinction4  ,one evening1     
during her illness1 the ,community had  
assembled in the garden to sing a hymn  
before an ,altar of the ,sacred ,heart4 
,soeur ,thrse1 who was already wasted by
 fever1 joined them with difficulty1    
and1 arriving quite exhausted1 was      
obliged to sit down at once4 ,when the  
hymn began1 one of the ,sisters made her
 a sign to stand up4 ,without           
hesitation1 the humble child rose1 and1 
in spite of the fever and great         
oppression from which she was suffering1
 remained standing to the end4  ,the    
,infirmarian had advised her to take a  
little walk in the garden for a quarter 
of an hour each day4 ,this              
recommendation was for her a command4   
,one afternoon a ,sister1 noticing what 

an effort it cost her1 said3 ,soeur     
,thrse1 you would do much better to     
rest2 walking like this cannot do you   
any good4 ,you only tire yourself6 ,that
 is true1 she replied1 but1 do you know 
what gives me strength8 ,i offer each   
step for some missionary4 ,i think that 
possibly1 over there1 far away1 one of  
them is weary and tired in his apostolic
 labours1 and to lessen his fatigue ,i  
offer mine to the ,good ,god4  ,she gave
 her novices some beautiful examples of 
detachment4 ,one year the relations of  
the ,sisters and the servants of the    
,convent had sent bouquets of flowers   
for ,mother ,prioress's feast4 ,thrse   
was arranging them most tastefully1 when
 a ,lay-sister said crossly3 ,it is easy
 to see that the large bouquets have    
been given by your friends4 ,i suppose  
those sent by the poor will again be put
 in the background6 4 4 4 ,a sweet smile
 was the only reply1 and notwithstanding
 the unpleasing effect1 she immediately 
put the flowers sent by the servants in 

the most conspicuous place4  ,struck    
with admiration1 the ,lay-sister went at
 once to the ,prioress to accuse herself
 of her unkindness1 and to praise the   
patience and humility shown by ,soeur   
,thrse4  ,after the death of ,thrse that
 same ,sister1 full of confidence1      
pressed her forehead against the feet of
 the saintly nun1 once more asking      
forgiveness for her fault4 ,at the same 
instant she felt herself cured of       
cerebral anmia1 from which she had      
suffered for many years1 and which had  
prevented her from applying herself     
either to reading or mental prayer4     
,far from avoiding humiliations1 ,soeur 
,thrse sought them eagerly1 and for that
 reason she offered herself as aid to a 
,sister who1 she well knew1 was         
difficult to please1 and her generous   
proposal was accepted4 ,one day1 when   
she had suffered much from this ,sister1
 a novice asked her why she looked so   
happy4 ,great was her surprise on       
receiving the reply3 ,it is because     

,sister ,n4 has just been saying        
disagreeable things to me4 ,what        
pleasure she has given me6 ,i wish ,i   
could meet her now1 and give her a sweet
 smile4 4 4 4 ,as she was still         
speaking1 the ,sister in question       
knocked at the door1 and the astonished 
novice could see for herself how the    
,saints forgive4 ,soeur ,thrse          
acknowledged later on1 she soared so    
high above earthly things that          
humiliations did but make her stronger4 
,to all these virtues she joined a      
wonderful courage4 ,from her entrance   
into the ,carmel1 at the age of fifteen1
 she was allowed to follow all the      
practices of its austere ,rule1 the     
fasts alone excepted4 ,sometimes her    
companions in the noviciate1 seeing how 
pale she looked1 tried to obtain a      
dispensation for her1 either from the   
,night ,office1 or from rising at the   
usual hour in the morning1 but the      
,mother ,prioress would never yield to  
these requests4 ,a soul of such mettle1 

she would say1 ought not to be dealt    
with as a child2 dispensations are not  
meant for her4 ,let her be1 for ,god    
sustains her4 ,besides1 if she is really
 ill1 she should come and tell me       
herself4#b  ,but it was always a        
principle with ,thrse that ,we should go
 to the end of our strength before we   
complain4 ,how many times did she assist
 at ,matins suffering from vertigo or   
violent headaches6 ,i am able to walk1  
she would say1 and so ,i ought to be at 
my duty4 ,and1 thanks to this undaunted 
energy1 she performed acts that were    
heroic4  ,it was with difficulty that   
her delicate stomach accustomed itself  
to the frugal fare of the ,carmel4      
,certain things made her ill1 but she   
knew so well how to hide this1 that no  
one ever suspected it4 ,her neighbour at
 table said that she had tried in vain  
to discover the dishes that she         
preferred1 and the kitchen ,sisters1    
finding her so easy to please1          
invariably served her with what was     

left4 ,it was only during her last      
illness1 when she was ordered to say    
what disagreed with her1 that her       
mortifications came to light4 ,when     
,jesus wishes us to suffer1 she said at 
that time1 there can be no evading it4  
,and so1 when ,sister ,mary of the      
,sacred ,heart#c was procuratrix1 she   
endeavoured to look after me with a     
mother's tenderness4 ,to all            
appearances1 ,i was well cared for1 and 
yet what mortifications did she not     
impose upon me6 for she served me       
according to her own taste1 which was   
entirely opposed to mine4  ,thrse's     
spirit of sacrifice was far-reaching2   
she eagerly sought what was painful and 
disagreeable1 as her rightful share4    
,all that ,god asked she gave ,him      
without hesitation or reserve4  ,during 
my postulancy1 she said1 it cost me a   
great deal to perform certain exterior  
penances1 customary in our convents1 but
 ,i never yielded to these repugnances2 
it seemed to me that the image of my    

,crucified ,lord looked at me with      
beseeching eyes1 and begged these       
sacrifices4  ,her vigilance was so keen1
 that she never left unobserved any     
little recommendations of the ,mother   
,prioress1 or any of the small rules    
which render the religious life so      
meritorious4 ,one of the old nuns1      
having remarked her extraordinary       
fidelity on this point1 ever afterwards 
regarded her as a ,saint4 ,soeur ,thrse 
was accustomed to say that she never did
 any great penances4 ,that was because  
her fervour counted as nothing the few  
that were allowed her4 ,it happened1    
however1 that she fell ill through      
wearing for too long a time a small iron
 ,cross1 studded with sharp points1 that
 pressed into her flesh4 ,such a trifle 
would not have caused this1 she said    
afterwards1 if ,god had not wished thus 
to make me understand that the greater  
austerities of the ,saints are not meant
 for me--nor for the souls that walk in 
the path of 'spiritual childhood4'  4   

4   4   4   4   4   4  ,the souls that  
are the most dear to ,my ,father1 ,our  
,lord once said to ,saint ,teresa1 are  
those ,he tries the most1 and the       
greatness of their trials is the measure
 of ,his ,love4 ,thrse was a soul most  
dear to ,god1 and ,he was about to fill 
up the measure of ,his ,love by making  
her pass through a veritable martyrdom4 
,the reader will remember the call on   
,good ,friday1 ,april #c1 #ahif1 when1  
to use her own expression1 she heard the
 distant murmur which announced the     
approach of the ,bridegroom2 but she had
 still to endure long months of pain    
before the blessed hour of her          
deliverance4  ,on the morning of that   
,good ,friday1 she made so little of the
 hmorrhage of the previous night1 that  
,mother ,prioress allowed her to        
practise all the penances prescribed by 
the ,rule for that day4 ,in the         
afternoon1 a novice saw her cleaning    
windows4 ,her face was livid1 and1 in   
spite of her great energy1 it was       

evident that her strength was almost    
spent4 ,seeing her fatigue1 the novice1 
who loved her dearly1 burst into tears1 
and begged leave to obtain her some     
little reprieve4 ,but the young         
novice-mistress strictly forbade her1   
saying that she was quite able to bear  
this slight fatigue on the day on which 
,jesus had suffered and died4  ,soon a  
persistent cough made the ,mother       
,prioress feel anxious2 she ordered     
,soeur ,thrse a more strengthening diet1
 and the cough ceased for some time4    
,truly sickness is too slow a liberator1
 exclaimed our dear little ,sister1 ,i  
can only rely upon ,love4  ,she was     
strongly tempted to respond to the      
appeal of the ,carmelites of ,hano1 who 
much desired to have her1 and began a   
novena to the ,venerable ,thophane      
,vnard#d to obtain her cure1 but alas6  
that novena proved but the beginning of 
a more serious phase of her malady4     
,like her ,divine ,master1 she passed   
through the world doing good2 like ,him1

 she had been forgotten and unknown1 and
 now1 still following in ,his           
,footsteps1 she was to climb the hill of
 ,calvary4 ,accustomed to see her always
 suffering1 yet always joyous and brave1
 ,mother ,prioress1 doubtless inspired  
by ,god1 allowed her to take part in the
 ,community exercises1 some of which    
tired her extremely4 ,at night1 she     
would courageously mount the stairs     
alone1 pausing at each step to take     
breath4 ,it was with difficulty that she
 reached her cell1 and then in so       
exhausted a state1 that sometimes1 as   
she avowed later1 it took her quite an  
hour to undress4 ,after all this        
exertion it was upon a hard pallet that 
she took her rest4 ,her nights1 too1    
were very bad1 and when asked if she    
would not like someone to be near her in
 her hours of pain1 she replied3 ,oh1   
no6 on the contrary1 ,i am only too glad
 to be in a cell away from my ,sisters1 
that ,i may not be heard4 ,i am content 
to suffer alone--as soon as ,i am pitied

 and loaded with attentions1 my         
happiness leaves me4  ,what strength of 
soul these words betray6 ,where we find 
sorrow she found joy4 ,what to us is to 
hard to bear--being overlooked and      
ignored by creatures--became to her a   
source of delight4 ,and her ,divine     
,spouse knew well how to provide that   
bitter joy she found so sweet4 ,painful 
remedies had often to be applied4 ,one  
day1 when she had suffered from them    
more than usual1 she was resting in her 
cell during recreation1 and overheard a 
,sister in the kitchen speaking of her  
thus3 ,soeur ,thrse will not live long1 
and really sometimes ,i wonder what our 
,mother ,prioress will find to say about
 her when she dies4#e ,she will be      
sorely puzzled1 for this little ,sister1
 amiable as she is1 has certainly never 
done anything worth speaking about4 ,the
 ,infirmarian1 who had also overheard   
the remark1 turned to ,thrse and said3  
,if you relied upon the opinion of      
creatures you would indeed be           

disillusioned today4 ,the opinion of    
creatures6 she replied2 happily ,god has
 given me the grace to be absolutely    
indifferent to that4 ,let me tell you   
something which showed me1 once and for 
all1 how much it is worth4 ,a few days  
after my ,clothing1 ,i went to our dear 
,mother's room1 and one of the ,sisters 
who happened to be there1 said on seeing
 me3 ',dear ,mother1 this novice        
certainly does you credit4 ,how well she
 looks6 ,i hope she may be able to      
observe the ,rule for many years to     
come4' ,i was feeling decidedly pleased 
at this compliment when another ,sister 
came in1 and1 looking at me1 said3      
',poor little ,soeur ,thrse1 how very   
tired you seem6 ,you quite alarm me4 ,if
 you do not soon improve1 ,i am afraid  
you will not be able to keep the ,rule  
very long4' ,i was then only sixteen1   
but this little incident made such an   
impression on me1 that ,i never again   
set store on the varying opinion of     
creatures4  ,on another occasion someone

 remarked3 ,it is said that you have    
never suffered much4 ,smiling1 she      
pointed to a glass containing medicine  
of a bright red colour4 ,you see this   
little glass8 she said4 ,one would      
suppose that it contained a most        
delicious draught1 whereas1 in reality1 
it is more bitter than anything else ,i 
take4 ,it is the image of my life4 ,to  
others it has been all rose colour2 they
 have thought that ,i continually drank 
of a most delicious wine2 yet to me it  
has been full of bitterness4 ,i say     
bitterness1 and yet my life has not been
 a bitter one1 for ,i have learned to   
find my joy and sweetness in all that is
 bitter4  ,you are suffering very much  
just now1 are you not8 ,yes1 but then ,i
 have so longed to suffer4 ,how it      
distresses us to see you in such pain1  
and to think that it may increase6 said 
her novices4  ,oh6 ,do not grieve about 
me4 ,i have reached a point where ,i can
 no longer suffer1 because all suffering
 is become so sweet4 ,besides1 it is    

quite a mistake to trouble yourselves as
 to what ,i may still have to undergo4  
,it is like meddling with ,god's work4  
,we who run in the way of ,love must    
never allow ourselves to be disturbed by
 anything4 ,if ,i did not simply live   
from one moment to another1 it would be 
impossible for me to be patient2 but ,i 
only look at the present1 ,i forget the 
past1 and ,i take good care not to      
forestall the future4 ,when we yield to 
discouragement or despair1 it is usually
 because we think too much about the    
past and the future4 ,but pray much for 
me1 for it is often just when ,i cry to 
,heaven for help that ,i feel most      
abandoned4  ,how do you manage not to   
give way to discouragement at such      
times8 ,i turn to ,god and all ,his     
,saints1 and thank them notwithstanding2
 ,i believe they want to see how far my 
trust may extend4 ,but the words of ,job
 have not entered my heart in vain3     
',even if ,god should kill me1 ,i would 
still trust in ,him4'#f ,i own it has   

taken a long time to arrive at this     
degree of self-abandonment2 but ,i have 
reached it now1 and it is the ,lord     
,himself ,who has brought me there4     
,another time she said3 ,our ,lord's    
,will fills my heart to the brim1 and   
hence1 if aught else is added1 it cannot
 penetrate to any depth1 but1 like oil  
on the surface of limpid waters1 glides 
easily across4 ,if my heart were not    
already brimming over1 and must needs be
 filled by the feelings of joy and      
sadness that alternate so rapidly1 then 
indeed would it be flooded by a wave of 
bitter pain2 but these quick-succeeding 
changes scarcely ruffle the surface of  
my soul1 and in its depths there reigns 
a peace that nothing can disturb4  ,and 
yet her soul was enveloped in thick     
darkness1 and her temptations against   
,faith1 ever conquered but ever         
returning1 were there to rob her of all 
feeling of happiness at the thought of  
her approaching death4 ,were it not for 
this trial1 which is impossible to      

understand1 she would say1 ,i think ,i  
should die of joy at the prospect of    
soon leaving this earth4  ,by this      
trial1 the ,divine ,master wished to put
 the finishing touches to her           
purification1 and thus enable her not   
only to walk with rapid steps1 but to   
run in her little way of confidence and 
abandonment4 ,her words repeatedly      
proved this4 ,i desire neither death nor
 life4 ,were ,our ,lord to offer me my  
choice1 ,i would not choose4 ,i only    
will what ,he wills2 it is what ,he does
 that ,i love4 ,i do not fear the last  
struggle1 nor any pains--however        
great--my illness may bring4 ,god has   
always been my help4 ,he has led me by  
the hand from my earliest childhood1 and
 on ,him ,i rely4 ,my agony may reach   
the furthest limits1 but ,i am convinced
 ,he will never forsake me4  ,such      
confidence in ,god1 of necessity stirred
 the fury of the devil--of him who1 at  
life's close1 tries every ruse to sow   
the seeds of despair in the hearts of   

the dying4  ,last night ,i was seized   
with a terrible feeling of anguish1 she 
confessed to ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus on
 one occasion2 ,i was lost in darkness1 
and from out of it came an accursed     
voice3 ',are you certain ,god loves you8
 ,has ,he ,himself told you so8 ,the    
opinion of creatures will not justify   
you in ,his sight4' ,these thoughts had 
long tortured me1 when your little note1
 like a message from ,heaven1 was       
brought to me4 ,you recalled to me1 dear
 ,mother1 the special graces ,jesus had 
lavished upon me1 and1 as though you had
 had a revelation concerning my trial1  
you assured me ,i was deeply loved by   
,god1 and was on the eve of receiving   
from ,his ,hands my eternal crown4      
,immediately peace and joy were restored
 to my heart4 ,yet the thought came to  
me1 ',it is my little ,mother's         
affection that makes her write these    
words4' ,straightway ,i felt inspired to
 take up the ,gospels1 and1 opening the 
book at random1 ,i lighted on a passage 

which had hitherto escaped me3 ',he whom
 ,god hath sent speaketh the ,words of  
,god1 for ,god doth not give the ,spirit
 by measure4'#g ,then ,i fell asleep    
fully consoled4 ,it was you1 dear       
,mother1 whom the ,good ,god sent me1   
and ,i must believe you1 because you    
speak the ,words of ,god4  ,for several 
days1 during the month of ,august1      
,thrse remained1 so to speak1 beside    
herself1 and implored that prayers might
 be offered for her4 ,she had never     
before been seen in this state1 and in  
her inexpressible anguish she kept      
repeating3 ,oh6 how necessary it is to  
pray for the agonising6 ,if one only    
knew6  ,one night she entreated the     
,infirmarian to sprinkle her bed with   
,holy ,water1 saying3 ,i am besieged by 
the devil4 ,i do not see him1 but ,i    
feel him2 he torments me and holds me   
with a grip of iron1 that ,i may not    
find one crumb of comfort2 he augments  
my woes1 that ,i may be driven to       
despair4 4 4 4 ,and ,i cannot pray4 ,i  

can only look at ,our ,blessed ,lady and
 say3 ',jesus6' ,how needful is that    
prayer we use at ,compline3 ',procul    
recedant somnia et noctium phantasmata6'
 7',free us from the phantoms of the    
night4'7 ,something mysterious is       
happening within me4 ,i am not suffering
 for myself1 but for some other soul1   
and satan is angry4 ,the ,infirmarian1  
startled1 lighted a blessed candle1 and 
the spirit of darkness fled1 never to   
return2 but the sufferer remained to the
 end in a state of extreme anguish4     
,one day1 while she was contemplating   
the beautiful heavens1 some one said to 
her3 soon your home will be there1      
beyond the blue sky4 ,how lovingly you  
gaze at it6 ,she only smiled1 but       
afterwards she said to the ,mother      
,prioress3 ,dear ,mother1 the ,sisters  
do not realise my sufferings4 ,just now1
 when looking at the sky1 ,i merely     
admired the beauty of the material      
heaven--the true ,heaven seems more than
 ever closed against me4 ,at first their

 words troubled me1 but an interior     
voice whispered3 ',yes1 you were looking
 to ,heaven out of love4 ,since your    
soul is entirely delivered up to love1  
all your actions1 even the most         
indifferent1 are marked with this divine
 seal4' ,at once ,i was consoled4  ,in  
spite of the darkness which enveloped   
her1 her ,divine ,saviour sometimes left
 the door of her prison ajar4 ,those    
were moments in which her soul lost     
itself in transports of confidence and  
love4 ,thus it happened that on a       
certain day1 when walking in the garden 
supported by one of her own sisters1 she
 stopped at the charming spectacle of a 
hen sheltering its pretty little ones   
under its wing4 ,her eyes filled with   
tears1 and1 turning to her companion1   
she said3 ,i cannot remain here any     
longer1 let us go in6 ,and even when she
 reached her cell1 her tears continued  
to fall1 and it was some time before she
 could speak4 ,at last she looked at her
 sister with a heavenly expression1 and 

said3 ,i was thinking of ,our ,lord1 and
 the beautiful comparison ,he chose in  
order to make us understand ,his        
ineffable tenderness4 ,this is what ,he 
has done for me all the days of my life4
 ,he has completely hidden me under ,his
 ,wing4 ,i cannot express all that has  
just stirred my heart2 it is well for me
 that ,god conceals ,himself1 and lets  
me see the effects of ,his ,mercy but   
rarely1 and as it were from 'behind the 
lattices4' ,were it not so ,i could     
never bear such sweetness4  4   4   4   
4   4   4   4  ,disconsolate at the     
prospect of losing their treasure1 the  
,community began a novena to ,our ,lady 
of ,victories on ,june #e1 #ahig1 in the
 fervent hope that she would once again 
miraculously raise the drooping ,little 
,flower4 ,but her answer was the same as
 that given by the blessed ,martyr1     
,thophane ,vnard1 and they were forced  
to accept with generosity the bitterness
 of the coming separation4  ,at the     
beginning of ,july1 her state became    

very serious1 and she was at last       
removed to the ,infirmary4 ,seeing her  
empty cell1 and knowing she would never 
return to it1 ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus  
said to her3 ,when you are no longer    
with us1 how sad ,i shall feel when ,i  
look at this cell6  ,for consolation1   
little ,mother1 you can think how happy 
,i am up there1 and remember that much  
of my happiness was acquired in that    
little cell2 for1 she added1 raising her
 beautiful eyes to ,heaven1 ,i have     
suffered so much there1 and ,i should   
have been happy to die there4  ,as she  
entered the ,infirmary she looked       
towards the miraculous statue of ,our   
,lady1 which had been brought thither4  
,it would be impossible to describe that
 look4 ,what is it you see8 said her    
sister ,marie1 the witness of her       
miraculous cure as a child4 ,and ,thrse 
answered3 ,never has she seemed to me so
 beautiful 4 4 4 but to-day it is the   
statue1 whereas that other day1 as you  
well know1 it was not the statue6 ,and  

from that time she often received       
similar consolations4  ,one evening she 
exclaimed3 ,oh1 how ,i love ,our        
,blessed ,lady6 ,had ,i been a ,priest1 
how ,i would have sung her praises6 ,she
 is spoken of as unapproachable1 whereas
 she should be represented as easy of   
imitation4 4 4 4 ,she is more ,mother   
than ,queen4 ,i have heard it said that 
her splendour eclipses that of all the  
,saints as the rising sun makes all the 
stars disappear4 ,it sounds so strange4 
,that a ,mother should take away the    
glory of her children6 ,i think quite   
the reverse4 ,i believe that she will   
greatly increase the splendour of the   
elect 4 4 4 ,our ,mother ,mary6 ,oh6 how
 simple her life must have been6 and1   
continuing her discourse1 she drew such 
a sweet and delightful picture of the   
,holy ,family that all present were lost
 in admiration4  ,a very heavy cross    
awaited her before going to join her    
,spouse4 ,from ,august #af to ,september
 #cj1 the happy day of her death1 she   

was unable to receive ,holy ,communion1 
because of her continual sickness4 ,few 
have hungered for the ,bread of ,angels 
like this seraph of earth4 ,again and   
again during that last winter of her    
life1 after nights of intolerable pain1 
she rose at early morn to partake of the
 ,manna of ,heaven1 and she thought no  
price too heavy to pay for the bliss of 
feeding upon ,god4 ,before depriving her
 altogether of this ,heavenly ,food1    
,our ,lord often visited her on her bed 
of pain4 ,her ,communion on ,july #af1  
the feast of ,our ,lady of ,mount       
,carmel1 was specially touching4 ,during
 the previous night she composed some   
verses which were to be sung before     
,communion4  ,thou know'st the baseness 
of my soul1 ,o ,lord1 ,yet fearest not  
to stoop and enter me4 ,come to my      
heart1 ,o ,sacrament adored6 ,come to my
 heart 4 4 4 it craveth but for ,thee6  
,and when ,thou comest1 straightway let 
me die ,of very love for ,thee2 this    
boon impart6 ,oh1 hearken ,jesus1 to my 

suppliant cry3 ,come to my heart6  ,in  
the morning1 when the ,holy ,viaticum   
was carried to the ,infirmary1 the      
cloisters were thickly strewn with wild 
flowers and rose-petals4 ,a young       
,priest1 who was about to say his first 
,mass that day in the ,chapel of the    
,carmel1 bore the ,blessed ,sacrament to
 the dying ,sister2 and at her desire1  
,sister ,mary of the ,eucharist--whose  
voice was exceptionally sweet--sang the 
following couplet3  ,sweet martyrdom6 to
 die of love's keen fire3 ,the martyrdom
 of which my heart is fain6 ,hasten1 ye 
,cherubim1 to tune your lyre2 ,i shall  
not linger long in exile's pain6 4   4  
4   4   4   4   4  ,fulfill my dream1 ,o
 ,jesus1 since ,i sigh ,of love to die6 
,a few days later ,thrse grew worse1 and
 on ,july #cj she received ,extreme     
,unction4 ,radiant with delight the     
little ,victim of ,love said to us3 ,the
 door of my dark prison is ajar4 ,i am  
steeped in joy1 especially since our    
,father ,superior has assured me that   

to-day my soul is like unto that of a   
little child after ,baptism4  ,no doubt 
she thought she was quickly to join the 
white-robed band of the ,holy           
,innocents4 ,she little knew that two   
long months of martyrdom had still to   
run their course4 ,dear ,mother1 she    
said1 ,i entreat you1 give me leave to  
die4 ,let me offer my life for such and 
such an intention--naming it to the     
,prioress4 ,and when the permission was 
refused1 she replied3 ,well1 ,i know    
that just at this moment ,our ,lord has 
such a longing for a tiny bunch of      
grapes--which no one will give          
,him--that ,he will perforce have to    
come and steal it4 4 4 4 ,i do not ask  
anything2 this would be to stray from my
 path of self-surrender4 ,i only beseech
 ,our ,lady to remind her ,jesus of the 
title of ,thief1 which ,he takes to     
,himself in the ,gospels1 so that ,he   
may not forget to come and carry me     
away4  4   4   4   4   4   4   4  ,one  
day ,soeur ,thrse took an ear of corn   

from a sheaf they had brought her4 ,it  
was so laden with grain that it bent on 
its stalk1 and after gazing upon it for 
some time she said to the ,mother       
,prioress3 ,mother1 that ear of corn is 
the image of my soul4 ,god has loaded it
 with graces for me and for many others4
 ,and it is my dearest wish ever to bend
 beneath the weight of ,god's gifts1    
acknowledging that all comes from ,him4 
,she was right4 ,her soul was indeed    
laden with graces1 and it was easy to   
discern the ,spirit of ,god speaking    
,his praises out of the mouth of that   
innocent child4  ,had not this ,spirit  
of ,truth already dictated these words  
to the great ,teresa of ,avila3  ,let   
those souls who have reached to perfect 
union with ,god hold themselves in high 
esteem1 with a humble and holy          
presumption4 ,let them keep unceasingly 
before their eyes the remembrance of the
 good things they have received1 and    
beware of the thought that they are     
practising humility in not recognising  

the gifts of ,god4 ,is it not clear that
 the constant remembrance of gifts      
bestowed serves to increase the love of 
the giver8 ,how can he who ignores the  
riches he possesses1 spend them         
generously upon others8  ,but the above 
was not the only occasion on which the  
little ,thrse of ,lisieux#h gave        
utterance to words that proved          
prophetic4 ,in the month of ,april1     
#ahie1 while she was still in excellent 
health1 she said in confidence to one of
 the older nuns3 ,i shall die soon4 ,i  
do not say that it will be in a few     
months1 but in two or three years at    
most2 ,i know it because of what is     
taking place in my soul4  ,the novices  
betrayed surprise when she read their   
inmost thoughts4 ,this is my secret1 she
 said to them3 ,i never reprimand you   
without first invoking ,our ,blessed    
,lady1 and asking her to inspire me as  
to what will be most for your good1 and 
,i am often astonished myself at the    
things ,i teach you4 ,at such times ,i  

feel that ,i make no mistake1 and that  
it is ,jesus ,who speak by my lips4     
,during her illness one of her sisters  
had experienced some moments of acute   
distress1 amounting almost to           
discouragement1 at the thought of the   
inevitable parting4 ,immediately        
afterwards she went to the ,infirmary1  
but was careful not to let any sign of  
grief be seen4 ,what was her surprise   
when ,thrse1 in a sad and serious tone1 
thus addressed her3 ,we ought not to    
weep like those who have no hope4  ,one 
of the ,mothers1 having come to visit   
her1 did her a trifling service4 ,how   
happy ,i should be1 thought the ,mother1
 if this ,angel would only say3 ',i will
 repay you in ,heaven6' ,at that instant
 ,soeur ,thrse1 turning to her1 said3   
,mother1 ,i will repay you in ,heaven6  
,but more surprising than all1 was her  
consciousness of the mission for which  
,our ,lord had destined her4 ,the veil  
which hides the future seemed lifted1   
and more than once she revealed to us   

its secrets1 in prophecies which have   
already been realised4  ,i have never   
given the ,good ,god aught but love2 it 
is with ,love ,he will repay4  ,,after  
,,my ,,death ,i ,,will ,,let ,,fall ,a  
,,shower ,,of ,,roses4  ,at another time
 she interrupted a ,sister1 who was     
speaking to her of the happiness of     
,heaven1 by the sublime words3 ,it is   
not that which attracts me4  ,and what  
attracts you8 asked the other4 ,oh6 it  
is ,love6 ,to love1 to be beloved1 and  
to return to earth to win love for our  
,love6  ,one evening1 she welcomed      
,mother ,agnes of ,jesus with an        
extraordinary expression of joy3        
,mother6 she said1 some notes from a    
concert far away have just reached my   
ears1 and have made me think that soon  
,i shall be listening to the wondrous   
melodies of ,paradise4 ,the thought1    
however1 gave me but a moment's joy--one
 hope alone makes my heart beat fast3   
the ,love that ,i shall receive and the 
,love ,i shall be able to give6  ,i feel

 that my mission is soon to begin--my   
mission to make others love ,god as ,i  
love ,him 4 4 4 to each souls my little 
way 4 4 4  ,i ,,will ,,spend ,,my       
,,heaven ,,in ,,doing ,,good ,,upon     
,,earth4  ,nor is this impossible1 since
 from the very heart of the ,beatific   
,vision1 the ,angels keep watch over us4
 ,no1 there can be no rest for me until 
the end of the world4 ,but when the     
,angel shall have said3 ',time is no    
more6' then ,i shall rest1 then ,i shall
 be able to rejoice1 because the number 
of the elect will be complete4  ,and    
what is this little way that you would  
teach to souls8  ,,it ,,is ,,the ,,way  
,,of ,,spiritual ,,childhood1 ,,the     
,,way ,,of ,,trust ,,and ,,absolute     
,,self-,,surrender4  ,i want to point   
out to them the means that ,i have      
always found so perfectly successful1 to
 tell them that there is but one thing  
to do here below3 we must offer ,jesus  
the flowers of little sacrifices and win
 ,him by a caress4 ,that is how ,i have 

won ,him1 and that is why ,i shall be   
made so welcome4  ,should ,i guide you  
wrongly by my little way of love1 she   
said to a novice1 do not fear that ,i   
shall allow you to continue therein2 ,i 
should soon come back to the earth1 and 
tell you to take another road4 ,if ,i do
 not return1 then believe in the truth  
of these my words3 ,we can never have   
too much confidence in the ,good ,god1  
,he is so mighty1 so merciful4 ,as we   
hope in ,him so shall we receive4  ,on  
the eve of the feast of ,our ,lady of   
,mount ,carmel1 a novice said to her3 ,i
 think that if you were to die          
to-morrow1 after ,holy ,communion1 ,i   
should be quite consoled--it would be   
such a beautiful death6 ,thrse answered 
quickly3 ,die after ,holy ,communion6   
,upon a great feast6 ,nay1 not so4 ,in  
my 'little way' everything is most      
ordinary2 all that ,i do1 little souls  
must be able to do likewise4  ,and to   
one of her missionary brothers she      
wrote3 ,what draws me to my ,heavenly   

,home is the summons of my ,lord1       
together with the hope that at length ,i
 shall love ,him as my heart desires1   
and shall be able to make ,him loved by 
a multitude of souls who will bless ,him
 throughout eternity4  ,and in another  
letter to ,china3 ,i trust fully that ,i
 shall not remain idle in ,heaven2 my   
desire is to continue my work for the   
,church and for souls4 ,i ask this of   
,god1 and ,i am convinced ,he will hear 
my prayer4 ,you see that if ,i quit the 
battle-field so soon1 it is not from a  
selfish desire of repose4 ,for a long   
time now1 suffering has been my ,heaven 
here upon earth1 and ,i can hardly      
conceive how ,i shall become            
acclimatised to a land where joy is     
unmixed with sorrow4 ,jesus will        
certainly have to work a complete change
 in my soul--else ,i could never support
 the ecstasies of ,paradise4  ,it was   
quite true1 suffering had become her    
,heaven upon earth--she welcomed it as  
we do happiness4 ,when ,i suffer much1  

she would say1 when something painful or
 disagreeable happens to me1 instead of 
a melancholy look1 ,i answer by a smile4
 ,at first ,i did not always succeed1   
but now it has become a habit which ,i  
am glad to have acquired4  ,a certain   
,sister entertained doubts concerning   
the patience of ,thrse4 ,one day1 during
 a visit1 she remarked that the         
invalid's face wore an expression of    
unearthly joy1 and she sought to know   
the reason4 ,it is because the pain is  
so acute just now1 ,thrse replied2 ,i   
have always forced myself to love       
suffering and to give it a glad welcome4
 ,why are you so bright this morning8   
asked ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus4 ,because
 of two little crosses4 ,nothing gives  
me 'little joys' like 'little crosses4' 
,and another time3 ,you have had many   
trials to-day8 ,yes1 but ,i love them6 4
 4 4 ,i love all the ,good ,god sends   
me6 ,your sufferings are terrible6      
,no--they are not terrible3 can a little
 ,victim of ,love find anything terrible

 that is sent by her ,spouse8 ,each     
moment ,he sends me what ,i am able to  
bear1 and nothing more1 and if ,he      
increase the pain1 my strength is       
increased as well4 ,but ,i could never  
ask for greater sufferings--,i am too   
little a soul4 ,they would then be of my
 own choice4 ,i should have to bear them
 all without ,him1 and ,i have never    
been able to do anything when left to   
myself4  ,thus spoke that wise and      
prudent ,virgin on her deathbed1 and her
 lamp1 filled to the brim with the oil  
of virtue1 burned brightly to the end4  
,if1 as the ,holy ,spirit reminds us in 
the ,book of ,proverbs3 ,a man's        
doctrine is proved by his patience1#i   
those who have heard her may well       
believe in her doctrine1 for she has    
proved it by a patience no test could   
overcome4  ,at each visit the doctor    
expressed his admiration4 ,if only you  
knew what she has to endure6 ,i have    
never seen any one suffer so intensely  
with such a look of supernatural joy4 4 

4 4 ,i shall not be able to cure her2   
she was not made for this earth4 ,in    
view of her extreme weakness1 he ordered
 some strengthening remedies4 ,thrse was
 at first distressed because of their   
cost1 but she afterwards admitted3 ,i am
 no longer troubled at having to take   
those expensive remedies1 for ,i have   
read that when they were given to ,st4  
,gertrude1 she was gladdened by the     
thought that it would redound to the    
good of our benefactors1 since ,our     
,lord ,himself has said3 ',whatever you 
do to the least of ,my little ones1 you 
do unto ,me4'#aj ,i am convinced that   
medicines are powerless to cure me1 she 
added1 but ,i have made a covenant with 
,god that the poor missionaries who have
 neither time nor means to take care of 
themselves may profit thereby4  ,she was
 much moved by the constant gifts of    
flowers made to her by her friends      
outside the ,convent1 and again by the  
visits of a sweet little redbreast that 
loved to play about her bed4 ,she saw in

 these things the ,hand of ,god4        
,mother1 ,i feel deeply the many        
touching proofs of ,god's ,love for me4 
,i am laden with them 4 4 4             
nevertheless1 ,i continue in the deepest
 gloom6 4 4 4 ,i suffer much 4 4 4 very 
much6 and yet my state is one of        
profound peace4 ,all my longings have   
been realised 4 4 4 ,i am full of       
confidence4  ,shortly afterwards she    
told me this touching little incident3  
,one evening1 during the ',great        
,silence1' the ,infirmarian brought me a
 hot-water bottle for my feet1 and put  
tincture of iodine on my chest4 ,i was  
in a burning fever1 and parched with    
thirst1 and1 whilst submitting to these 
remedies1 ,i could not help saying to   
,our ,lord3 ',my ,jesus1 ,thou seest ,i 
am already burning1 and they have       
brought me more heat and fire4 ,oh6 if  
they had brought me even half a glass of
 water1 what a comfort it would have    
been6 4 4 4 ,my ,jesus6 ,thy little     
child is so thirsty4 ,but she is glad to

 have this opportunity of resembling    
,thee more closely1 and thus helping    
,thee to save souls4' ,the ,infirmarian 
soon left me1 and ,i did not expect to  
see her again until the following       
morning4 ,what was my surprise when she 
returned a few minutes later with a     
refreshing drink6 ',it has just struck  
me that you may be thirsty1' she said1  
'so ,i shall bring you something every  
evening4' ,i looked at her astounded1   
and when ,i was once more alone1 ,i     
melted into tears4 ,oh6 how good ,jesus 
is6 how tender and loving6 ,how easy it 
is to reach ,his ,heart6  4   4   4   4 
4   4   4  ,on ,september #f1 the little
 ,spouse of ,jesus received a touching  
proof of the loving thought of ,his     
,sacred ,heart4 ,she had frequently     
expressed a wish to possess a relic of  
her special patron1 the ,venerable      
,thophane ,vnard1 but as her desire was 
not realised1 she said no more4 ,she was
 quite overcome1 therefore1 when ,mother
 ,prioress brought her the longed-for   

treasure--received that very day4 ,she  
kissed it repeatedly1 and would not     
consent to part with it4  ,it may be    
asked why she was so devoted to this    
young ,martyr4 ,she herself explained   
the reason in an affectionate interview 
with her own sisters3 ,thophane ,vnard  
is a little saint2 his life was not     
marked by anything extraordinary4 ,he   
had an ardent devotion to ,our          
,immaculate ,mother and a tender love of
 his own family4 ,dwelling on these     
words she added3 ,and ,i1 too1 love my  
family with a tender love2 ,i fail to   
understand those ,saints who do not     
share my feelings4 ,as a parting gift ,i
 have copied for you some passages from 
his last letters home4 ,his soul and    
mine have many points of resemblance1   
and his words do but re-echo my         
thoughts4  ,we give here a copy of that 
letter1 which one might have believed   
was composed by ,thrse herself3  ,i can 
find nothing on earth that can make me  
truly happy2 the desires of my heart are

 too vast1 and nothing of what the world
 calls happiness can satisfy it4 ,time  
for me will soon be no more1 my thoughts
 are fixed on ,eternity4 ,my heart is   
full of peace1 like a tranquil lake or a
 cloudless sky4 ,i do not regret this   
life on earth4 ,i thirst for the waters 
of ,life ,eternal4  ,yet a little while 
and my soul will have quitted this      
earth1 will have finished her exile1    
will have ended her combat4 ,i go to    
,heaven4 ,i am about to enter the ,abode
 of the ,blessed--to see what the eye   
hath never seen1 to hear what the ear   
hath never heard1 to enjoy those things 
the heart of man hath not conceived 4 4 
4 ,i have reached the hour so coveted by
 us all4 ,it is indeed true that ,our   
,lord chooses the little ones to        
confound the great ones of this earth4  
,i do not rely upon my own strength but 
upon ,him ,who1 on the ,cross1          
vanquished the powers of hell4  ,i am a 
spring flower which the ,divine ,master 
culls for ,his pleasure4 ,we are all    

flowers1 planted on this earth1 and ,god
 will gather us in ,his own good        
time--some sooner1 some later 4 4 4 ,i1 
little flower of one day1 am the first  
to be gathered6 ,but we shall meet again
 in ,paradise1 where lasting joy will be
 our portion4  ,sister ,teresa of the   
,child ,jesus1 using the words of the   
angelic martyr--,thophane ,vnard4       
,toward the end of ,september1 when     
something was repeated to her that had  
been said at recreation1 concerning the 
responsibility of those who have care of
 souls1 she seemed to revive a little   
and gave utterance to these beautiful   
words3 ,to him that is little1 mercy is 
granted4#aa ,it is possible to remain   
little even in the most responsible     
position1 and is it not written that1 at
 the last day1 'the ,lord will arise to 
save the meek and lowly ones of the     
earth'8#ab ,he does not say 'to judge1' 
but 'to save6'  ,as time went on1 the   
tide of suffering rose higher and       
higher1 and she became so weak1 that she

 was unable to make the slightest       
movement without assistance4 ,even to   
hear anyone whisper increased her       
discomfort2 and the fever and oppression
 were so extreme that it was with the   
greatest difficulty she was able to     
articulate a word4 ,and yet a sweet     
smile was always on her lips4 ,her only 
fear was lest she should give her       
,sisters any extra trouble1 and until   
two days before her death she would     
never allow any one to remain with her  
during the night4 ,however1 in spite of 
her entreaties1 the ,infirmarian would  
visit her from time to time4 ,on one    
occasion she found ,thrse with hands    
joined and eyes raised to ,heaven4 ,what
 are you doing8 she asked2 you ought to 
try and go to sleep4 ,i cannot1 ,sister1
 ,i am suffering too much1 so ,i am     
praying4 4 4 4 ,and what do you say to  
,jesus8 ,i say nothing--,i only love    
,him6  ,oh6 how good ,god is6 4 4 4 she 
sometimes exclaimed4 ,truly ,he must be 
very good to give me strength to bear   

all ,i have to suffer4 ,one day she said
 to the ,mother ,prioress3 ,mother1 ,i  
would like to make known to you the     
state of my soul2 but ,i cannot1 ,i feel
 too much overcome just now4 ,in the    
evening ,thrse sent her these lines1    
written in pencil with a trembling hand3
  ,o my ,god6 how good ,thou art to the 
little ,victim of ,thy ,merciful ,love6 
,now1 even when ,thou joinest these     
bodily pains to those of my soul1 ,i    
cannot bring myself to say3 ',the       
anguish of death hath encompassed       
me4'#ac ,i rather cry out in my         
gratitude3 ',i have gone down into the  
valley of the shadow of death1 but ,i   
fear no evil1 because ,thou1 ,o ,lord1  
art with me4'#ad  ,her little ,mother   
said to her3 ,some think that you are   
afraid of death4 ,that may easily come  
to pass1 she answered2 ,i do not rely on
 my own feelings1 for ,i know how frail 
,i am4 ,it will be time enough to bear  
that cross if it comes1 meantime ,i wish
 to rejoice in my present happiness4    

,when the ,chaplain asked me if ,i was  
resigned to die1 ,i answered3 ',father1 
,i need rather to be resigned to        
live--,i feel nothing but joy at the    
thought of death4' ,do not be troubled1 
dear ,mother1 if ,i suffer much and show
 no sign of happiness at the end4 ,did  
not ,our ,lord ,himself die 'a ,victim  
of ,love1' and see how great was ,his   
,agony6  4   4   4   4   4   4   4  ,at 
last dawned the eternal day4 ,it was    
,thursday1 ,september #cj1 #ahig4 ,in   
the morning1 the sweet ,victim1 her eyes
 fixed on ,our ,lady's statue1 spoke    
thus of her last night on earth3 ,oh6   
with what fervour ,i have prayed to her6
 4 4 4 ,and yet it has been pure agony1 
without a ray of consolation4 4 4 4     
,earth's air is failing me3 when shall  
,i breathe the air of ,heaven8  ,for    
weeks she had been unable to raise      
herself in bed1 but1 at half-past two in
 the afternoon1 she sat up and          
exclaimed3 ,dear ,mother1 the chalice is
 full to overflowing6 ,i could never    

have believed that it was possible to   
suffer so intensely4 4 4 4 ,i can only  
explain it by my extreme desire to save 
souls4 4 4 4 ,and a little while after3 
,yes1 all that ,i have written about my 
thirst for suffering is really true6 ,i 
do not regret having surrendered myself 
to ,love4  ,she repeated these last     
words several times4 ,a little later she
 added3 ,mother1 prepare me to die well4
 ,the good ,mother ,prioress encouraged 
her with these words3 ,my child1 you are
 quite ready to appear before ,god1 for 
you have always understood the virtue of
 humility4 ,then1 in striking words1    
,thrse bore witness to herself3  ,yes1  
,i feel it2 my soul has ever sought the 
truth4 4 4 4 ,i have understood humility
 of heart6  4   4   4   4   4   4   4   
,at half-past four1 her agony began--the
 agony of this ,victim of ,divine ,love4
 ,when the ,community gathered round    
her1 she thanked them with the sweetest 
smile1 and then1 completely given over  
to love and suffering1 the ,crucifix    

clasped in her failing hands1 she       
entered on the final combat4 ,the sweat 
of death lay heavy on her brow 4 4 4 she
 trembled 4 4 4 but1 as a pilot1 when   
close to harbour1 is not dismayed by the
 fury of the storm1 so this soul1 strong
 in faith1 saw close at hand the        
beacon-lights of ,heaven1 and valiantly 
put forth every effort to reach the     
shore4  ,as the convent bells rang the  
evening ,angelus1 she fixed an          
inexpressible look upon the statue of   
the ,immaculate ,virgin1 the ,star of   
the ,sea4 ,was it not the moment to     
repeat her beautiful prayer3  ,o thou   
who camest to smile on me in the morn of
 my life1 come once again and smile1    
,mother1 for now it is eventide6#ae  ,a 
few minutes after seven1 turning to the 
,prioress1 the poor little ,martyr      
asked3 ,mother1 is it not the agony8 4 4
 4 am ,i not going to die8 ,yes1 my     
child1 it is the agony1 but ,jesus      
perhaps wills that it be prolonged for  
some hours4 ,in a sweet and plaintive   

voice she replied3 ,ah1 very well then 4
 4 4 very well 4 4 4 ,i do not wish to  
suffer less6  ,then1 looking at her     
crucifix3  ,oh6 4 4 4 ,i love ,him6 4 4 
4 ,my ,god1 ,i 4 4 4 love 4 4 4 ,thee6  
,these were her last words4 ,she had    
scarcely uttered them when1 to our great
 surprise1 she sank down quite suddenly1
 her head inclined a little to the      
right1 in the attitude of the ,virgin   
,martyrs offering themselves to the     
sword2 or rather1 as a ,victim of ,love1
 awaiting from the ,divine ,archer the  
fiery shaft1 by which she longs to die4 
,suddenly she raised herself1 as though 
called by a mysterious voice2 and       
opening her eyes1 which shone with      
unutterable happiness and peace1 fixed  
her gaze a little above the statue of   
,our ,lady4 ,thus she remained for about
 the space of a ,credo1 when her blessed
 soul1 now become the prey of the       
,divine ,eagle1 was borne away to the   
heights of ,heaven4  4   4   4   4   4  
4   4  ,a few days before her death1    

this little ,saint had said3 ,the death 
of ,love which ,i so much desire is that
 of ,jesus upon the ,cross4 ,her prayer 
was fully granted4 ,darkness enveloped  
her1 and her soul was steeped in        
anguish4 ,and yet1 may we not apply to  
her also that sublime prophecy of ,st4  
,john of the ,cross1 referring to souls 
consumed by the fire of ,divine ,love3  
,they die ,victims of the onslaughts of 
,love1 in raptured ecstasies--like the  
swan1 whose song grows sweeter as death 
draws nigh4 ,wherefore the ,psalmist    
declared3 ',precious in the sight of the
 ,lord is the death of ,his ,saints4'#af
 ,for then it is that the rivers of love
 burst forth from the soul and are      
whelmed in the ,ocean of ,divine ,love4 
,no sooner had her spotless soul taken  
its flight than the joy of that last    
rapture imprinted itself on her brow1   
and a radiant smile illumined her face4 
,we placed a palm-branch in her hand2   
and the lilies and roses that adorned   
her in death were figures of her white  

robe of baptism made red by her         
,martyrdom of ,love4  ,on the ,saturday 
and ,sunday a large crowd passed before 
the grating of the nuns' chapel1 to gaze
 on the mortal remains of the ,little   
,flower of ,jesus4 ,hundreds of medals  
and rosaries were brought to touch the  
,little ,queen as she lay in the        
triumphant beauty of her last sleep4  4 
4   4   4   4   4   4  ,on ,october #d1 
the day of the funeral1 there gathered  
in the ,chapel of the ,carmel a goodly  
company of ,priests4 ,the honour was    
surely due to one who had prayed so     
earnestly for those called to that      
sacred office4 ,after a last solemn     
blessing1 this grain of priceless wheat 
was cast into the furrow by the hands of
 ,holy ,mother ,church4  ,who shall tell
 how many ripened ears have sprung forth
 since1 how many the sheaves that are   
yet to come8 ,amen1 amen1 ,i say to you1
 unless the grain of wheat1 falling into
 the ground1 die1 itself remaineth      
alone4 ,but if it die1 it bringeth forth

 much fruit4#ag ,once more the word of  
the ,divine ,reaper has been            
magnificently fulfilled4  ,,the         
,,prioress ,,of ,,the ,,carmel4   #a    
,dom ,guranger4  #b ,mother ,mary of    
,gonzaga died ,dec4 #ag1 #aijd1 at the  
age of #ga4 ,mother ,agnes of ,jesus    
7,pauline7 was at that time ,prioress4  
,the former--herself of the line of ,st4
 ,antony of ,padua--recognized in ,soeur
 ,thrse an heroic soul1 filled with     
holiness1 and capable of becoming one   
day an excellent ,prioress4 ,with this  
end in view1 she trained her with a     
strictness for which the young ,saint   
was most grateful4 ,in the arms of      
,mother ,mary of ,gonzaga the ,little   
,flower of ,jesus was welcomed to the   
,carmel1 and in those arms she          
died--happy1 she declared1 not to have  
in that hour as ,superioress her 'little
 ,mother1' in order the better to       
exercise her spirit of faith in         
authority4 ,ed4  #c ,as will be         
remembered1 this was ,marie1 her eldest 

sister4 ,ed4  #d ,the ,blessed ,thophane
 ,vnard was born at ,st4 ,loup1 in the  
diocese of ,poitiers1 on the ,feast of  
the ,presentation of ,our ,lady1 ,nov4  
#ba1 #ahbi4 ,he was martyred at ,kecho1 
,tong-,king1 on the ,feast of the       
,presentation of ,our ,lord1 ,feb4 #b1  
#ahfa1 at the age of #cb4 ,a long and   
delightful correspondence with his      
family1 begun in his college days and   
completed from his cage at ,kecho1      
reveals a kinship of poesy as well as of
 sanctity and of the love of home1      
between the two spring flowers4 ,the    
beauty of his soul was so visible in his
 boyish face that he was spared all     
torture during his two months in the    
cage4 ,in #aiji1 the year in which      
,thrse became ,servant of ,god by the   
commencement of the ,episcopal ,process1
 her patron received the honours of     
,beatification4 ,another child of       
,france--,joan1 its ,martyr-,maid--whose
 praises have been sung in affectionate 
verse by the ,saints of ,st4 ,loup and  

,lisieux1 was beatified that same year4 
,ed4  #e ,an allusion to the obituary   
notice sent to each of the ,french      
,carmels when a ,carmelite nun dies in  
that country4 ,in the case of those who 
die in the odour of sanctity these      
notices sometimes run to considerable   
length4 ,four notices issued from the   
,carmel of ,lisieux are of great        
interest to the clients of ,soeur       
,thrse1 and are in course of publication
 at the ,orphans' ,press1 ,rochdale2    
those of the ,carmel's saintly          
,foundress1 ,mother ,genevieve of ,st4  
,teresa1 whose death is referred to in  
,chapter ,,viii2 ,mother ,mary of       
,gonzaga1 the ,prioress of ,thrse2      
,sister ,mary of the ,eucharist 7,marie 
,gurin71 the cousin of ,thrse 7,chapter 
,,iii72 and most interesting of all1 the
 long sketch1 partly autobiographical1  
of ,mother ,mary of ,st4 ,angelus       
7,marie ,ange71 the trophy of ,thrse1   
brought by her intercession to the      
,carmel in #aijb--where the writer made 

her acquaintance in the following       
spring2 she became ,prioress in #aijh1  
dying eighteen months later in the odour
 of sanctity1 aged only #bh4 ,ed4  #f   
,cf4 ,job #ac3ae4  #g ,john #c3cd4  #h  
,when asked before her death how they   
should pray to her in ,heaven1 ,soeur   
,thrse1 with her wonted simplicity1 made
 answer3 ,you will call me ',little     
,thrse'--petite ,thrse4 ,and at         
,gallipoli1 on the occasion of her      
celebrated apparition in the ,carmel    
there1 when the ,prioress1 taking her to
 be ,st4 ,teresa of ,avila1 addressed   
her as our holy ,mother1 the visitor1   
adopting her then official title1       
replied3--,nay1 ,i am not our holy      
,mother1 ,i am the ,servant of ,god1    
,soeur ,thrse of ,lisieux4 ,this1 her   
own name of ,soeur ,thrse1 has been     
retained in the present edition1 unless 
where it was advisable to set down her  
name in full--,sister ,teresa of the    
,child ,jesus and of the ,holy ,face4   
,the name of the ,little ,flower1       

borrowed by her from the ,blessed       
,thophane ,vnard1 and used so           
extensively in the pages of her         
manuscript1 is the one by which she is  
best known in ,english-speaking lands4  
,ed4  #i ,cf4 ,prov4 #ai3aa4  #aj ,matt4
 #be3di4  #aa ,wisdom #f3g4  #ab ,cf4   
,ps4 #gegf3aj4  #ac ,cf4 ,ps4 #agah3e4  
#ad ,cf4 ,ps4 #bbbc3d4  #ae ,from the   
last poem written by ,soeur ,thrse4  #af
 ,ps4 #aaeaaf3ae4  #ag ,john #ab3bd1    
#be4     ,,counsels ,,and               
,,reminiscences ,,of ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se1
 ,,the ,,little ,,flower ,,of ,,jesus   
,most of what follows has been gathered 
from the conversations of ,soeur ,thrse 
with her novices4 ,her advice cannot but
 prove helpful to souls within the      
cloister1 and likewise to many in the   
world who may be attracted by her simple
 and easy little way to ,god4  99   99  
99   99   99   99  ,one of the novices1 
greatly discouraged at the thought of   
her imperfections1 tells us that her    
mistress spoke to her as follows3  ,you 

make me think of a little child that is 
learning to stand but does not yet know 
how to walk4 ,in his desire to reach the
 top of the stairs to find his mother1  
he lifts his little foot to climb the   
first step4 ,it is all in vain1 and at  
each renewed effort he falls4 ,well1 be 
like that little child4 ,always keep    
lifting your foot to climb the ladder of
 holiness1 and do not imagine that you  
can mount even the first step4 ,all ,god
 asks of you is good will4 ,from the top
 of the ladder ,he looks lovingly upon  
you1 and soon1 touched by your fruitless
 efforts1 ,he will ,himself come down1  
and1 taking you in ,his ,arms1 will     
carry you to ,his ,kingdom never again  
to leave ,him4 ,but should you cease to 
raise your foot1 you will be left for   
long on the earth4  99   99   99   99   
99   99  ,the only way to advance       
rapidly in the path of love is to remain
 always very little4 ,that is what ,i   
did1 and now ,i can sing with our holy  
,father1 ,st4 ,john of the ,cross3      

',then ,i abased myself so low1 so very 
low1 ,that ,i ascended to such heights1 
such heights indeed1 ,that ,i did       
overtake the prey ,i chased6'  99   99  
99   99   99   99  ,under a temptation  
which seemed to me irresistible1 ,i said
 to her3 ,this time1 ,i cannot surmount 
it4 ,she replied3 ,why seek to surmount 
it8 ,rather pass beneath4 ,it is all    
well for great souls to soar above the  
clouds when the storm rages2 we have    
simply to suffer the showers4 ,what does
 it matter if we get wet8 ,we shall dry 
ourselves in the sunshine of love4  ,it 
recalls a little incident of my         
childhood4 ,one day a horse was standing
 in front of the garden gate1 and       
preventing us from getting through4 ,my 
companions talked to him and tried to   
make him move off1 but while they were  
still talking ,i quietly slipped between
 his legs 4 4 4 ,such is the advantage  
of remaining small4  99   99   99   99  
99   99  ,our ,lord said to the mother  
of the sons of ,zebedee3 ',to sit on my 

right or left hand is for them for whom 
it is prepared by my ,father4'#a ,i     
imagine that these chosen places1 which 
have been refused alike to great ,saints
 and ,martyrs1 will be reserved for     
little children2 and did not ,david     
foretell it when he said1 that 'the     
little ,benjamin will preside amidst the
 assemblies#b of the ,saints4'  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,you are wrong to    
find fault with this thing and with     
that1 or to try and make everyone see   
things as you see them4 ,we desire to be
 'as little children1' and little       
children do not know what is best3 to   
them all seems right4 ,let us imitate   
their ways4 ,besides1 there is no merit 
in doing what reason dictates4  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,my patrons and my   
special favourites in ,heaven are those 
who1 so to speak1 stole it1 such as the 
,holy ,innocents and the ,good ,thief4  
,the great ,saints won it by their      
works2 ,i wish to be like the thieves   
and to win it by stratagem--a stratagem 

of love which will open its gates both  
to me and to poor sinners4 ,in the ,book
 of ,proverbs the ,holy ,ghost          
encourages me1 for ,he says3 ',come to  
me1 little one1 to learn subtlety6'#c   
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,what would
 you do if you could begin over again   
your religious life8  ,i think ,i should
 do as ,i have already done4  ,then you 
do not share the feeling of the hermit  
who said3 ',while a quarter of an hour1 
or even a breath of life still remains  
to me1 ,i shall fear the fires of hell  
even though ,i should have spent long   
years in penance'8  ,no1 ,i do not share
 that fear2 ,i am too small4 ,little    
children are not damned4  ,you are ever 
seeking to be as little children are1   
but tell us what must be done to obtain 
that childlike spirit4 ',remaining      
little'--what does it mean8  ',remaining
 little' means--to recognise one's      
nothingness1 to await everything from   
the ,goodness of ,god1 to avoid being   
too much troubled at our faults2        

finally1 not to worry over amassing     
spiritual riches1 not to be solicitous  
about anything4 ,even amongst the poor1 
while a child is still small1 he is     
given what is necessary2 but1 once he is
 grown up1 his father will no longer    
feed him1 and tells him to seek work and
 support himself4 ,well1 it was to avoid
 hearing this1 that ,i have never wished
 to grow up1 for ,i feel incapable of   
earning my livelihood1 which is ,life   
,eternal6  99   99   99   99   99   99  
,in imitation of our saintly ,mistress  
,i also wished never to grow up2 she    
called me therefore the little one1 and 
during a retreat she wrote to me the    
following notes3  ,do not fear to tell  
,jesus that you love him1 even though   
you may not feel that love4 ,in this way
 you will compel ,him to come to your   
aid1 and to carry you like a little     
child who is too weak to walk4  ,it is  
indeed a great source of trial1 when    
everything looks black1 but this does   
not depend entirely on yourself4 ,do all

 in your power to detach your heart from
 earthly cares1 especially from         
creatures2 then be assured ,our ,lord   
will do the rest4 ,he could not permit  
you to fall into the abyss4 ,be         
comforted1 little one6 ,in ,heaven      
everything will no longer look black1   
but dazzling white4 ,there all will be  
clothed in the ,divine radiance of ,our 
,spouse--the ,lily of the ,valley4      
,together we will follow ,him           
whithersoever ,he goeth4 ,meantime we   
must make good use of this life's brief 
day4 ,let us give ,our ,lord pleasure1  
let us by self-sacrifice give ,him      
souls6 ,above all1 let us be little--so 
little that everyone might tread us     
underfoot without our even seeming to   
suffer pain4  ,i am not surprised at the
 failures of the little one2 she forgets
 that in her rle of missionary and      
warrior she ought to forgo all childish 
consolations4 ,it is wrong to pass one's
 time in fretting1 instead of sleeping  
on the ,heart of ,jesus4  ,should the   

little one fear the dark of the night1  
or complain at not seeing ,him who      
carries her1 let her shut her eyes4 ,it 
is the one sacrifice ,god asks4 ,by     
remaining thus1 the dark will cease to  
terrify1 because she will not see it1   
and before long1 peace--if not joy--will
 re-enter her soul4  99   99   99   99  
99   99  ,to help me accept a           
humiliation she confided to me what     
follows3  ,if ,i had not been received  
into the ,carmel1 ,i would have entered 
a ,refuge1 and lived there unknown and  
despised among the poor 'penitents4' ,my
 joy would have been to pass for one1   
and ,i would have become an apostle     
among my companions1 telling them my    
thoughts on the ,infinite ,mercy of     
,god4  ,but how could you have hidden   
your innocence from your ,confessor8  ,i
 would have told him that while still in
 the world ,i made a general confession1
 and that it was forbidden me to repeat 
it4  99   99   99   99   99   99  ,oh6  
,when ,i think of all ,i have to        

acquire6  ,or rather to lose6 ,it is    
,jesus ,who takes upon ,himself to fill 
your soul according as you rid it of    
imperfections4 ,i see clearly that you  
are mistaking the road1 and that you    
will never arrive at the end of your    
journey4 ,you want to climb the         
mountain1 whereas ,god wishes you to    
descend it4 ,he is awaiting you in the  
fruitful valley of humility4  99   99   
99   99   99   99  ,to me it seems that 
humility is truth4 ,i do not know       
whether ,i am humble1 but ,i do know    
that ,i see the truth in all things4  99
   99   99   99   99   99  ,indeed you  
are a ,saint6  ,no1 ,i am not a ,saint4 
,i have never wrought the works of a    
,saint4 ,i am but a tiny soul whom      
,almighty ,god has loaded with ,his     
favours4  ,the truth of what ,i say will
 be made known to you in ,heaven4  ,but 
have you not always been faithful to    
those favours8  ,yes1 from the age of   
three ,i have never refused our ,good   
,god anything4 ,still ,i cannot glorify 

myself4 ,see how this evening the       
tree-tops are gilded by the setting sun4
 ,so likewise my soul appears to you all
 shining and golden because it is       
exposed to the rays of ,love4 ,but      
should the ,divine ,sun no longer shine 
thereon1 it would instantly be sunk in  
gloom4  ,we too would like to become all
 golden--what must we do8  ,you must    
practise the little virtues4 ,this is   
sometimes difficult1 but ,god never     
refuses the first grace--courage for    
self-conquest2 and if the soul          
correspond to that grace1 she at once   
finds herself in ,god's sunlight4 ,the  
praise given to ,judith has always      
struck me3 ',thou hast done manfully1   
and thy heart has been strengthened4'#d 
,in the onset we must act with courage4 
,by this means the heart gains strength1
 and victory follows victory4  99   99  
99   99   99   99  ,in conformity with  
the ,rule1 ,soeur ,thrse never raised   
her eyes in the refectory1 and1 as ,i   
found great difficulty in this          

observance1 she composed for me the     
following prayer4 ,it reveals her       
exceeding humility1 because in it she   
asked a grace of which ,i alone stood in
 need3  ,o ,jesus1 in honour and in     
imitation of the example ,thou gavest in
 the house of ,herod1 ,thy two little   
,spouses resolve to keep their eyes cast
 down in the refectory4 ,when that      
impious king scoffed at ,thee1 ,o       
,infinite ,beauty1 no complaint came    
from ,thy ,lips4 ,thou didst not even   
deign to fix on him ,thy ,adorable      
,eyes4 ,he was not worthy of the favour1
 but we who are ,thy ,spouses1 we desire
 to draw ,thy ,divine ,gaze upon        
ourselves4 ,as often as we refrain from 
raising our eyes1 we beg ,thee to reward
 us by a glance of love1 and we even    
dare ask ,thee not to refuse this sweet 
glance when we fail in our self-control1
 for we will humble ourselves most      
sincerely before ,thee4  99   99   99   
99   99   99  ,i confided to her that ,i
 made no progress1 and that consequently

 ,i had lost heart4  ,up to the age of  
fourteen1 she said1 ,i practised virtue 
without tasting its sweetness4 ,i       
desired suffering1 but ,i did not think 
of making it my joy2 that grace was     
vouchsafed me later4 ,my soul was like a
 beautiful tree the flowers of which had
 scarcely opened when they fell4  ,offer
 to ,god the sacrifice of never         
gathering any fruit4 ,if ,he will that  
throughout your whole life you should   
feel a repugnance to suffering and      
humiliation--if ,he permit that all the 
flowers of your desires and of your good
 will should fall to the ground without 
any fruit appearing1 do not worry4 ,at  
the hour of death1 in the twinkling of  
an eye1 ,he will cause fair fruits to   
ripen on the tree of your soul4  ,we    
read in the ,book of ,ecclesiasticus3   
',there is an inactive man that wanteth 
help1 is very weak in ability1 and full 
of poverty3 yet the ,eye of ,god hath   
looked upon him for good1 and hath      
lifted him up from his low estate1 and  

hath exalted his head3 and many have    
wondered at him1 and have glorified     
,god4 4 4 4 ,trust in ,god1 and stay in 
thy place4 ,for it is easy in the ,eyes 
of ,god1 on a sudden1 to make the poor  
man rich4 ,the blessing of ,god maketh  
haste to reward the just1 and in a swift
 hour ,his blessing beareth fruit4'#e   
,but if ,i fall1 ,i shall always be     
found imperfect2 whereas you are looked 
upon as holy4  ,that is1 perhaps1       
because ,i have never desired to be     
considered so4 4 4 4 ,but that you      
should be found imperfect is just what  
is best4 ,here is your harvest4 ,to     
believe oneself imperfect and others    
perfect--this is true happiness4 ,should
 earthly creatures think you devoid of  
holiness1 they rob you of nothing1 and  
you are none the poorer3 it is they who 
lose4 ,for is there anything more sweet 
than the inward joy of thinking well of 
our neighbour8  ,as for myself ,i am    
glad and rejoice1 not only when ,i am   
looked upon as imperfect1 but above all 

when ,i feel that it is true4           
,compliments1 on the contrary1 do but   
displease me4  99   99   99   99   99   
99  ,god has a special love for you     
since ,he entrusts souls to your care4  
,that makes no difference1 and ,i am    
really only what ,i am in ,his ,eyes4   
,it is not because ,he wills me to be   
,his interpreter among you1 that ,he    
loves me more2 rather1 ,he makes me your
 little handmaid4 ,it is for you1 and   
not for myself1 that ,he has bestowed   
upon me those charms and those virtues  
which you see4  ,i often compare myself 
to a little bowl filled by ,god with    
good things4 ,all the kittens come to   
eat from it1 and they sometimes quarrel 
as to which will have the largest share4
 ,but the ,holy ,child ,jesus keeps a   
sharp watch4 ',i am willing you should  
feed from ,my little bowl1' ,he says1   
'but take heed lest you upset and break 
it4'  ,in truth there is no great       
danger1 because ,i am already on the    
ground4 ,not so with ,prioresses2 set1  

as they are1 on tables1 they run far    
more risks4 ,honours are always         
dangerous4 ,what poisonous food is      
served daily to those in high positions6
 ,what deadly fumes of incense6 ,a soul 
must be well detached from herself to   
pass unscathed through it all4  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,it is a consolation 
for you to do good and to procure the   
,glory of ,god4 ,i wish ,i were equally 
favoured4  ,what if ,god does make use  
of me1 rather than of another1 to       
procure ,his ,glory6 ,provided ,his     
,kingdom be established among souls1 the
 instrument matters not4 ,besides1 ,he  
has no need of anyone4  ,some time ago  
,i was watching the flicker1 almost     
invisible1 of a tiny night-light1 when  
one of the ,sisters drew near1 and1     
lighting her candle in the dying flame1 
passed it round to light all those of   
the ,community4 ',who dare glory in his 
own good works8' ,i reflected4 ',from   
one faint spark such as this1 it would  
be possible to set the whole earth on   

fire4' ,we often think we receive graces
 and are divinely illumined by means of 
brilliant candles4 ,but from whence     
comes their light8 ,from the prayers1   
perhaps1 of some humble1 hidden soul1   
whose inward shining is not apparent to 
human eyes2 a soul of unrecognised      
virtue and1 in her own sight1 of little 
value--a dying flame4  ,what mysteries  
will yet be unveiled to us6 ,i have     
often thought that perhaps ,i owe all   
the graces with which ,i am laden1 to   
some little soul whom ,i shall know only
 in ,heaven4  ,it is ,god's ,will that  
in this world souls shall dispense to   
each other1 by prayer1 the treasures of 
,heaven1 in order that when they reach  
their ,everlasting ,home they may love  
one another with grateful hearts1 and   
with an affection far in excess of that 
which reigns in the most perfect family 
on earth4  ,there no looks of           
indifference will meet us1 because all  
the ,saints will be mutually indebted to
 each other4 ,no envious glances will be

 cast1 for the happiness of each one of 
the ,blessed will be the happiness of   
all4 ,with the ,doctors of the ,church  
we shall be like unto ,doctors2 with the
 ,martyrs1 like unto ,martyrs2 with the 
,virgins1 like unto ,virgins2 and just  
as the members of one family are proud  
one of the other1 so without the least  
jealousy shall we take pride in our     
brothers and sisters4  ,when we see the 
glory of the great ,saints1 and know    
that through the secret working of      
,providence we have contributed to it1  
who knows whether the joy we shall feel 
will not be as intense1 perhaps sweeter1
 than the happiness they themselves     
possess8  ,and do you not think that the
 great ,saints1 on their side1 seeing   
what they owe to all little souls1 will 
love them with a love beyond compare8   
,the friendships of ,paradise will be   
both sweet and full of surprise1 of this
 ,i am certain4 ,the familiar friend of 
an ,apostle1 or of a great ,doctor of   
the ,church1 may be a shepherd boy1 and 

a simple little child may be united in  
closest intimacy with a ,patriarch4 4 4 
4 ,i long to enter that ,kingdom of     
,love6  99   99   99   99   99   99     
,believe me1 the writing of pious books1
 the composing of the sublimest poetry1 
all that does not equal the smallest act
 of self-denial4 ,when1 however1 our    
inability to do good gives us pain1 our 
only resource is to offer up the good   
works of others1 and in this lies the   
benefit of the ,communion of ,saints4   
,recall to mind that beautiful verse of 
the canticle of our ,father1 ,st4 ,john 
of the ,cross3  ',return1 my dove6 ,see 
on the height ,the wounded ,hart1 ,to   
whom refreshment brings ,the breeze1    
stirred by thy wings4'  ,thus the       
,spouse1 the wounded ,hart1 is not      
attracted by the height1 but only by the
 breeze from the pinions of the dove--a 
breeze which one single stroke of wing  
is sufficient to create4  99   99   99  
99   99   99  ,the one thing which is   
not open to envy is the lowest place4   

,here alone1 therefore1 there is neither
 vanity nor affliction of spirit4 ,yet1 
'the way of a man is not his own1'#f and
 sometimes we find ourselves wishing for
 what dazzles4 ,in that hour let us in  
all humility take our place among the   
imperfect1 and look upon ourselves as   
little souls who at every instant need  
to be upheld by the goodness of ,god4   
,from the moment ,he sees us fully      
convinced of our nothingness1 and hears 
us cry out3 ',my foot stumbles1 ,lord1  
but ,thy ,mercy is my strength1'#g ,he  
reaches out ,his ,hand to us4 ,but1     
should we attempt great things1 even    
under pretext of zeal1 ,he deserts us4  
,it suffices1 therefore1 to humble      
ourselves1 to bear with meekness our    
imperfections4 ,herein lies--for        
us--true holiness4  99   99   99   99   
99   99  ,one day ,i was complaining of 
being more tired than my ,sisters1 for1 
besides the ordinary duties1 ,i had     
other work unknown to the rest4 ,soeur  
,thrse replied3  ,i should like always  

to see you a brave soldier1 never       
grumblng at hardships1 but considering  
the wounds of your companions as most   
serious1 and your own as mere scratches4
 ,you feel this fatigue so much because 
no one is aware of it4  ,now the        
,blessed ,margaret ,mary1 at the time   
she had two whitlows1 confessed that she
 really suffered from the hidden one    
only4 ,the other1 which she was unable  
to hide1 excited her ,sisters' pity and 
made her an object of compassion4 ,this 
is indeed a very natural feeling1 the   
desire that people should know of our   
aches and pains1 but in giving way to it
 we play the coward4  99   99   99   99 
99   99  ,when we are guilty of a fault 
we must never attribute it to some      
physical cause1 such as illness or the  
weather4 ,we must ascribe it to our own 
imperfections1 without being discouraged
 thereby4 ',occasions do not make a man 
frail1 but show what he is4'#h  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,god did not permit  
that our ,mother should tell me to write

 my poems as soon as ,i had composed    
them1 and1 fearful of committing a sin  
against poverty1 ,i would not ask leave4
 ,i had therefore to wait for some free 
time1 and at eight o'clock in the       
evening ,i often found it extremely     
difficult to remember what ,i had       
composed in the morning4  ,true1 these  
trifles are a species of martyrdom2 but 
we must be careful not to alleviate the 
pain of the martyrdom by permitting     
ourselves1 or securing permission for1 a
 thousand and one things which would    
tend to make the religious life both    
comfortable and agreeable4  99   99   99
   99   99   99  ,one day1 as ,i was in 
tears1 ,soeur ,thrse told me to avoid   
the habit of allowing others to see the 
trifles that worried me1 adding that    
nothing made community life more trying 
than unevenness of temper4  ,you are    
indeed right1 ,i answered1 such was my  
own thought4 ,henceforward my tears will
 be for ,god alone4 ,i shall confide my 
worries to ,one ,who will understand and

 console me4  ,tears for ,god6 she      
promptly replied1 that must not be4 ,far
 less to ,him than to creatures ought   
you to show a mournful face4 ,our       
,divine ,master has only our monasteries
 where ,he may obtain some solace for   
,his ,heart4 ,he comes to us in search  
of rest--to forget the unceasing        
complaints of ,his friends in the world1
 who1 instead of appreciating the value 
of the ,cross1 receive it far more often
 with moans and tears4 ,would you then  
be as the mediocre souls8 ,frankly1 this
 is not disinterested love4 4 4 4 ,it is
 for us to console our ,lord1 and not   
for ,him to console us4 ,his ,heart is  
so tender that if you cry ,he will dry  
your tears2 but thereafter ,he will go  
away sad1 since you did not suffer ,him 
to repose tranquilly within you4 ,our   
,lord loves the glad of heart1 the      
children that greet ,him with a smile4  
,when will you learn to hide your       
troubles from ,him1 or to tell ,him     
gaily that you are happy to suffer for  

,him8  ,the face is the mirror of the   
soul1 she said once1 and yours1 like    
that of a contented little child1 should
 always be calm and serene4 ,even when  
alone1 be cheerful1 remembering always  
that you are in the sight of the        
,angels4  99   99   99   99   99   99   
,i was anxious she should congratulate  
me on what1 in my eyes1 was an heroic   
act of virtue2 but she said to me3      
,compare this little act of virtue with 
what our ,lord has the right to expect  
of you6 ,rather should you humble       
yourself for having lost so many        
opportunities of proving your love4     
,little satisfied with this answer1 ,i  
awaited an opportunity of finding out   
how ,soeur ,thrse herself would act     
under trial1 and the occasion was not   
long in coming4 ,reverend ,mother asked 
us to do some extremely tiring work     
which bristled with difficulties1 and1  
on purpose1 ,i made it still more       
difficult for our ,mistress4  ,not for  
one second1 however1 could ,i detect her

 in fault1 and1 heedless of the fatigue 
involved1 she remained gracious and     
amiable1 eager throughout to help others
 at her own expense4 ,at last ,i could  
resist no longer1 and ,i confessed to   
her what my thoughts had been4  ,how    
comes it1 ,i said1 that you can be so   
patient8 ,you are ever the same--calm   
and full of joy4 ,it was not always the 
case with me1 she replied1 but since ,i 
have abandoned all thought of           
self-seeking1 ,i live the happiest life 
possible4  99   99   99   99   99   99  
,our dear ,mistress used to say that    
during recreation1 more than at any     
other time1 we should find opportunities
 for practising virtue4  ,if your desire
 be to draw great profit1 do not go with
 the idea of procuring relaxation1 but  
rather with the intention of            
entertaining others and practising      
complete detachment from self4 ,thus1   
for instance1 if you are telling one of 
the ,sisters something you think        
entertaining1 and she should interrupt  

to tell you something else1 show        
yourself interested1 even though in     
reality her story may not interest you  
in the least4 ,be careful1 also1 not to 
try to resume what you were saying4 ,in 
this way you will leave recreation      
filled with a great interior peace and  
endowed with fresh strength for the     
practice of virtue1 because you have not
 sought to please yourself1 but others4 
,if only we could realise what we gain  
by self-denial in all things6  ,you     
realise it1 certainly1 for you have     
always practised self-denial4  ,yes1 ,i 
have forgotten myself1 and ,i have tried
 not to see myself in anything4  99   99
   99   99   99   99  ,when some one    
knocks at our door1 or when we are rung 
for1 we must practise mortification and 
refrain from doing even another stitch  
before answering4 ,i have practised this
 myself1 and ,i assure you that it is a 
source of peace4  ,after this advice1   
and according as occasion offered1 ,i   
promptly answered every summons4 ,one   

day1 during her illness1 she was witness
 of this1 and said3  ,at the hour of    
death you will be very happy to find    
this to your account4 ,you have just    
done something more glorious than if1   
through clever diplomacy1 you had       
procured the good-will of the           
,government for all religious           
communities and had been proclaimed     
throughout ,france as a second ,judith4 
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,questioned
 as to her method of sanctifying meals1 
she answered3  ,in the refectory we have
 but one thing to do3 perform a lowly   
action with lofty thoughts4 ,i confess  
that the sweetest aspirations of love   
often come to me in the refectory4      
,sometimes ,i am brought to a standstill
 by the thought that were ,our ,lord in 
my place ,he would certainly partake of 
those same dishes which are served to   
me4 ,it is quite probable that during   
,his lifetime ,he tasted of similar     
food--,he must have eaten bread and     
fruit4  ,here are my little rubrics3  ,i

 imagine myself at ,nazareth1 in the    
house of the ,holy ,family4 ,if1 for    
instance1 ,i am served with salad1 cold 
fish1 wine1 or anything pungent in      
taste1 ,i offer it to ,st4 ,joseph4 ,to 
our ,blessed ,lady ,i offer hot foods   
and ripe fruit1 and to the ,infant      
,jesus our feast-day fare1 especially   
rice and preserves4 ,lastly1 when ,i am 
served a wretched dinner ,i say         
cheerfully3 ',to-day1 my little one1 it 
is all for you6'  ,thus in many pretty  
ways she hid her mortifications4 ,one   
fast-day1 however1 when our ,reverend   
,mother ordered her some special food1  
,i found her seasoning it with wormwood 
because it was too much to her taste4   
,on another occasion ,i saw her drinking
 very slowly a most unpleasant medicine4
 ,make haste1 ,i said1 drink it off at  
once6 ,oh1 no6 she answered2 must ,i not
 profit of these small opportunities for
 penance since the greater ones are     
forbidden me8  ,toward the end of her   
life ,i learned that1 during her        

noviciate1 one of our ,sisters1 when    
fastening the scapular for her1 ran the 
large pin through her shoulder1 and for 
hours she bore the pain with joy4 ,on   
another occasion she gave me proof of   
her interior mortification4 ,i had      
received a most interesting letter which
 was read aloud at recreation1 during   
her absence4 ,in the evening she        
expressed the wish to read it1 and ,i   
gave it to her4 ,later on1 when she     
returned it1 ,i begged her to tell me   
what she thought of one of the points of
 the letter which ,i knew ought to have 
charmed her4 ,she seemed rather         
confused1 and after a pause she         
answered3 ,god asked of me the sacrifice
 of this letter because of the eagerness
 ,i displayed the other day 4 4 4 so ,i 
have not read it4  99   99   99   99    
99   99  ,when speaking to her of the   
mortifications of the ,saints1 she      
remarked3 ,it was well that ,our ,lord  
warned us3 ',in ,my ,father's ,house    
there are many mansions1 otherwise ,i   

would have told you4'#i ,for1 if every  
soul called to perfection were obliged  
to perform these austerities in order to
 enter ,heaven1 ,he would have told us1 
and we should have willingly undertaken 
them4 ,but ,he has declared that1 'there
 are many mansions in ,his ,house4' ,if 
there are some for great souls1 for the 
,fathers of the ,desert and for ,martyrs
 of penance1 there must also be one for 
little children4 ,and in that one a     
place is kept for us1 if we but love    
,him dearly together with ,our ,father  
and the ,spirit of ,love4  99   99   99 
99   99   99  ,while in the world1 ,i   
used1 on waking1 to think of all the    
pleasant or unpleasant things which     
might happen throughout the day1 and if 
,i foresaw nothing but worries ,i got up
 with a heavy heart4 ,now it is quite   
the reverse4 ,i think of the pains and  
of the sufferings awaiting me1 and ,i   
rise1 feeling all the more courageous   
and light of heart in proportion to the 
opportunities ,i foresee of proving my  

love for ,our ,lord1 and of             
gaining--mother of souls as ,i am--my   
children's livelihood4 ,then ,i kiss my 
crucifix1 and1 laying it gently on my   
pillow1 ,i leave it there while ,i      
dress1 and ,i say3 ',my ,jesus1 ,thou   
hast toiled and wept enough during ,thy 
three-and-thirty years on this miserable
 earth4 ,rest ,thee1 to-day6 ,it is my  
turn to suffer and to fight4'  99   99  
99   99   99   99  ,one washing-day ,i  
was sauntering towards the laundry1 and 
looking at the flowers as ,i passed4    
,soeur ,thrse was following1 and quickly
 overtook me3 ,is that1 she said        
quietly1 how people hurry themselves    
when they have children1 and are obliged
 to work to procure them food8  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,do you know which   
are my ,sundays and feast-days8 ,they   
are the days on which ,god tries me the 
most4  99   99   99   99   99   99  ,i  
was distressed at my want of courage1   
and ,soeur ,thrse said to me3 ,you are  
complaining of what should be your      

greatest happiness4 ,if you fought only 
when you felt eagerness1 where would be 
your merit8 ,what does it matter1 even  
if you are devoid of courage1 provided  
you act as though you possessed it8 ,if 
you feel too lazy to pick up a bit of   
thread1 and yet do so for love of       
,jesus1 you acquire more merit than for 
a much nobler action done in a moment of
 fervour4 ,instead of grieving1 be glad 
that1 by allowing you to feel your own  
weakness1 ,our ,lord is furnishing you  
with an opportunity of saving a greater 
number of souls4  99   99   99   99   99
   99  ,i asked her whether ,our ,lord  
were not displeased at the sight of my  
many failings4 ,this was her answer3 ,be
 comforted1 for ,he ,whom you have      
chosen as your ,spouse has every        
imaginable perfection2 but--dare ,i say 
it8--,he has one great infirmity        
too--,he is blind6 ,and there is a      
science about which ,he knows           
nothing--addition6 ,these two great     
defects1 much to be deplored in an      

earthly bridegroom1 do but make ours    
infinitely more lovable4 ,were it       
necessary that ,he should be            
clear-sighted1 and familiar with the    
science of figures1 do you not think    
that1 confronted with our many sins1 ,he
 would send us back to our nothingness8 
,but ,his ,love for us makes him        
actually blind4  ,if the greatest sinner
 on earth should repent at the moment of
 his death1 and draw ,his last breath in
 an act of love1 neither the many graces
 he had abused1 nor the multiplied      
crimes he had committed1 would stand in 
his way4 ,our ,lord would see nothing1  
count nothing1 but the sinner's last    
prayer1 and without delay ,he would     
receive him into the arms of ,his       
,mercy4  ,but1 to make ,him thus blind  
and to prevent ,him doing the smallest  
sum of addition1 we must approach ,him  
through ,his ,heart--on that side ,he is
 vulnerable and defenceless4  99   99   
99   99   99   99  ,i had grieved her1  
and had gone to ask her pardon3 ,if you 

but knew what ,i feel6 she exclaimed4   
,never have ,i more clearly understood  
the love with which ,jesus receives us  
when we seek ,his forgiveness4 ,if ,i1  
,his poor little creature1 feel so      
tenderly towards you when you come back 
to me1 what must pass through ,our      
,lord's ,divine ,heart when we return to
 ,him8 ,far more quickly than ,i have   
just done will ,he blot out our sins    
from ,his memory4 4 4 4 ,nay1 ,he will  
even love us more tenderly than before  
we fell4  99   99   99   99   99   99   
,i had an immense dread of the judgments
 of ,god1 and no argument of ,soeur     
,thrse could remove it4 ,one day ,i put 
to her the following objection3 ,it is  
often said to us that in ,god's sight   
the angels themselves are not pure4     
,how1 therefore1 can you expect me to be
 otherwise than filled with fear8  ,she 
replied3 ,there is but one means of     
compelling ,god not to judge us1 and it 
is--to appear before ,him empty-handed4 
,and how can that be done8 ,it is quite 

simple3 lay nothing by1 spend your      
treasures as you gain them4 ,were ,i to 
live to be eighty1 ,i should always be  
poor1 because ,i cannot economise4 ,all 
my earnings are immediately spent on the
 ransom of souls4  ,were ,i to await the
 hour of death to offer my trifling     
coins for valuation1 ,our ,lord would   
not fail to discover in them some base  
metal1 and they would certainly have to 
be refined in ,purgatory4 ,is it not    
recorded of certain great ,saints that1 
on appearing before the ,tribunal of    
,god1 their hands laden with merit1 they
 have yet been sent to that place of    
expiation1 because in ,god's ,eyes all  
our justice is unclean8  ,but1 ,i       
replied1 if ,god does not judge our good
 actions1 ,he will judge our bad ones4  
,do not say that6 ,our ,lord is ,justice
 itself1 and if ,he does not judge our  
good actions1 neither will ,he judge our
 bad ones4 ,it seems to me1 that for    
,victims of ,love there will be no      
judgment4 ,god will rather hasten to    

reward with eternal delights ,his own   
,love which ,he will behold burning in  
their hearts4  ,to enjoy such a         
privilege1 would it suffice to repeat   
that ,act of ,oblation which you have   
composed8 ,oh1 no6 words do not suffice4
 ,to be a true ,victim of ,love we must 
surrender ourselves entirely4 4 4 4     
,love will consume us only in the       
measure of our self-surrender4  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,i was grieving      
bitterly over a fault ,i had committed4 
,take your ,crucifix1 she said1 and kiss
 it4 ,i kissed the ,feet4  ,is that how 
a child kisses its father8 ,throw your  
arms at once round ,his ,neck and kiss  
,his ,face4 ,when ,i had done so1 she   
continued3 ,that is not sufficient--,he 
must return your caress4 ,i had to press
 the ,crucifix to both my cheeks1       
whereupon she added3 ,now1 all is       
forgiven4  99   99   99   99   99   99  
,i told her one day that if ,i must be  
reproached ,i preferred deserving it to 
being unjustly accused4 ,for my part1   

she replied1 ,i prefer to be charged    
unjustly1 because1 having nothing to    
reproach myself with1 ,i offer gladly   
this little injustice to ,god4 ,then1   
humbling myself1 ,i think how easily ,i 
might have deserved the reproach4 ,the  
more you advance1 the fewer the combats2
 or rather1 the more easy the victory1  
because the good side of things will be 
more visible4 ,then your soul will soar 
above creatures4 ,as for me1 ,i feel    
utterly indifferent to all accusations  
because ,i have learned the hollowness  
of human judgment4  ,she added further3 
,when misunderstood and judged          
unfavourably1 what benefit do we derive 
from defending ourselves8 ,leave things 
as they are1 and say nothing4 ,it is so 
sweet to allow ourselves to be judged   
anyhow1 rightly or wrongly4  ,it is not 
written in the ,gospel that ,saint ,mary
 ,magdalen put forth excuses when       
charged by her sister with sitting idle 
at ,our ,lord's ,feet4 ,she did not say3
 ',martha1 if you knew the happiness    

that is mine and if you heard the words 
that ,i hear1 you too would leave       
everything to share my joy and my       
repose4' ,no1 she preferred to keep     
silent4 4 4 4 ,blessed silence which    
giveth such peace to the soul6  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,at a moment of      
temptation and struggle ,i received this
 note3 ',the just man shall correct me  
in mercy and shall reprove me2 but let  
not the oil of the sinner perfume my    
head4'#aj ,it is only by the just that  
,i can be either reproved or corrected1 
because all my ,sisters are pleasing to 
,god4 ,it is less bitter to be rebuked  
by a sinner than by a just man2 but     
through compassion for sinners1 to      
obtain their conversion1 ,i beseech     
,thee1 ,o my ,god1 to permit that ,i may
 be well rebuked by those just souls who
 surround me4 ,i ask also that the oil  
of praise1 so sweet to our nature1 may  
not perfume my head1 that is to say1 my 
mind1 by making me believe that ,i      
possess virtues when ,i have merely     

performed a few good actions4  ,jesus6  
',thy ,name is as oil poured out1'#aa   
and it is into this divine perfume that 
,i desire wholly to plunge myself1 far  
from the gaze of mankind4  99   99   99 
99   99   99  ,it is not playing the    
game to argue with a ,sister that she is
 in the wrong1 even when it is true1    
because we are not answerable for her   
conduct4 ,we must not be ,justices of   
the peace1 but ,angels of peace only4   
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,you give  
yourselves up too much to what you are  
doing1 she used to say to us2 you worry 
about the future as though it were in   
your hands4 ,are you much concerned at  
this moment as to what is happening in  
other ,carmelite convents1 and whether  
the nuns there are busy or otherwise8   
,does their work prevent you praying or 
meditating8 ,well1 just in the same way1
 you ought to detach yourselves from    
your own personal labours1              
conscientiously spending on them the    
time prescribed1 but with perfect       

freedom of heart4 ,we read that the     
,israelites1 while building the walls of
 ,jerusalem1 worked with one hand and   
held a sword in the other4#ab ,this is  
an image of what we should do3 avoid    
being wholly absorbed in our work4  99  
99   99   99   99   99  ,one ,sunday1   
,thrse relates1 ,i was going toward the 
chestnut avenue1 full of rejoicing1 for 
it was spring-time1 and ,i wanted to    
enjoy nature's beauties4 ,what a bitter 
disappointment6 ,my dear chestnuts had  
been pruned1 and the branches1 already  
covered with buds1 now lay on the       
ground4 ,on seeing this havoc1 and      
thinking that three years must elapse   
before it could be repaired1 my heart   
felt very sore4 ,but the grief did not  
last long4 ',if ,i were in another      
convent1' ,i reflected1 'what would it  
matter to me if the chestnut-trees of   
the ,carmel at ,lisieux were entirely   
cut down8' ,i will not worry about      
things that pass4 ,god shall be my all4 
,i will take my walks in the wooded     

groves of ,his ,love1 whereon none dare 
lay hands4  99   99   99   99   99   99 
,a novice asked her ,sisters to help her
 shake some blankets4 ,as they were     
somewhat liable to tear because of their
 worn condition1 she insisted1 rather   
sharply1 on their being handled with    
care4 ,what would you do1 said ,thrse to
 the impatient one1 if it were not your 
duty to mend these blankets8 ,there     
would be no thought of self in the      
matter1 and if you did call attention to
 the fact that they are easily torn1 it 
would be done in quite an impersonal    
way4 ,in all your actions1 you should   
avoid the least trace of self-seeking4  
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,seeing one
 of our ,sisters very much fatigued1 ,i 
said to ,soeur ,thrse3 ,it grieves me to
 see people suffer1 especially those who
 are holy4 ,she instantly replied3 ,i do
 not feel as you do4 ,saints who suffer 
never excite my pity4 ,i know they have 
strength to bear their sufferings1 and  
that through them they are giving great 

glory to ,god4 ,but ,i compassionate    
greatly those who are not ,saints1 and  
who do not know how to profit by        
suffering4 ,they indeed awake my pity4  
,i would strain every nerve to help and 
comfort them4  99   99   99   99   99   
99  ,were ,i to live longer1 it is the  
office of ,infirmarian that would most  
please me4 ,i would not ask for it1 but 
were it imposed through obedience1 ,i   
should consider myself highly favoured4 
,i think ,i should fulfill its duties   
with much affection1 always mindful of  
,our ,lord's words3 ',i was sick1 and   
you visited ,me4'#ac ,the infirmary bell
 should be for you as heavenly music1   
and you ought purposely to pass by the  
windows of the sick that it might be    
easy for them to summon you4 ,consider  
yourself as a little slave whom everyone
 has the right to command4 ,could you   
but see the ,angels who from the heights
 of ,heaven watch your combats in the   
arena6 ,they are awaiting the end of the
 fight to crown you and cover you with  

flowers4 ,you know that we claim to rank
 as little ,martyrs 4 4 4 4 but we must 
win our palms4  ,god does not despise   
these hidden struggles with ourselves1  
so much richer in merit because they are
 unseen3 ',the patient man is better    
than the valiant1 and he that ruleth his
 spirit than he that taketh cities4'#ad 
,through our little acts of charity1    
practised in the dark1 as it were1 we   
obtain the conversion of the heathen1   
help the missionaries1 and gain for them
 plentiful alms1 thus building both     
spiritual and material dwellings for    
,our ,eucharistic ,god4  99   99   99   
99   99   99  ,i had seen ,mother       
,prioress showing1 as ,i thought1 more  
confidence and affection to one of our  
,sisters than she extended to me4       
,expecting to win sympathy1 ,i told my  
trouble to ,soeur ,thrse1 and great was 
my surprise when she put me the         
question3 ,do you think you love our    
,mother very much8 ,certainly6 otherwise
 ,i should be indifferent if others were

 preferred to me4  ,well1 ,i shall prove
 that you are absolutely mistaken1 and  
that it is not our ,mother that you     
love1 but yourself4 ,when we really love
 others1 we rejoice at their happiness1 
and we make every sacrifice to procure  
it4 ,therefore if you had this true1    
disinterested affection1 and loved our  
,mother for her own sake1 you would be  
glad to see her find pleasure even at   
your expense2 and since you think she   
has less satisfaction in talking with   
you than with another ,sister1 you ought
 not to grieve at being apparently      
neglected4  99   99   99   99   99   99 
,i was distressed at my many            
distractions during prayers3 ,i also    
have many1 she said1 but as soon as ,i  
am aware of them1 ,i pray for those     
people the thought of whom is diverting 
my attention1 and in this way they reap 
benefit from my distractions4 4 4 4 ,i  
accept all for the love of ,god1 even   
the wildest fancies that cross my mind4 
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,i was     

regretting a pin which ,i had been asked
 for1 and which ,i had found most       
useful4 ,how rich you are1 said ,thrse1 
you will never be happy6  99   99   99  
99   99   99  ,the grotto of the ,holy  
,child was in her charge1 and1 knowing  
that one of our ,mothers greatly        
disliked perfumes1 she never put any    
sweet-smelling flowers there1 not even a
 tiny violet4 ,this cost her many a real
 sacrifice4 ,one day1 just as she had   
placed a beautiful artificial rose at   
the foot of the statue1 the ,mother     
called her4 ,soeur ,thrse1 surmising    
that it was to bid her remove the rose1 
was anxious to spare her any            
humiliation4 ,she therefore took the    
flower to the good ,sister1 and1        
forestalling all observations1 said3    
,look1 ,mother1 how well nature is      
imitated nowadays3 would you not think  
this rose had been freshly gathered from
 the garden8  99   99   99   99   99    
99  ,there are moments1 she told us1    
when we are so miserable within1 that   

there is nothing for it but to get away 
from ourselves4 ,at those times ,god    
does not oblige us to remain at home4   
,he even permits our own company to     
become distasteful to us in order that  
we may leave it4 ,now ,i know no other  
means of exit save through the doorway  
of charitable works1 on a visit to      
,jesus and ,mary4  99   99   99   99    
99   99  ,when ,i picture the ,holy     
,family1 the thought that does me most  
good is--the simplicity of their        
home-life4 ,our ,lady and ,st4 ,joseph  
were well aware that ,jesus was ,god1   
while at the same time great wonders    
were hidden from them1 and--like        
us--they lived by faith4 ,you have heard
 those words of the ,gospel3 ',they     
understood not the word that ,he spoke  
unto them'2#ae and those others no less 
mysterious3 ',his ,father and ,mother   
were wondering at those things which    
were spoken concerning ,him4'#af ,they  
seemed to be learning something new1 for
 this word 'wondering' implies a certain

 amount of surprise4  99   99   99   99 
99   99  ,there is a verse in the       
,divine ,office which ,i recite each day
 with reluctance3 ',i have inclined my  
heart to do ,thy justifications for     
ever1 because of the reward4'#ag ,i     
hasten to add in my heart3 ',my ,jesus1 
,thou knowest ,i do not serve ,thee for 
sake of reward1 but solely out of love1 
and a desire to win ,thee souls4  99    
99   99   99   99   99  ,in ,heaven only
 shall we be in possession of the clear 
truth4 ,on earth1 even in matters of    
,holy ,scripture1 our vision is dim4 ,it
 distresses me to see the differences in
 its translations1 and had ,i been a    
,priest ,i would have learned ,hebrew1  
so as to read the ,word of ,god as ,he  
deigned to utter it in human speech4  99
   99   99   99   99   99  ,soeur ,thrse
 often spoke to me of a well-known toy  
with which she had amused herself when a
 child4 ,this was the kaleidoscope1     
shaped like a small telescope1 through  
which1 as it is made to revolve1 one    

perceives an endless variety of         
pretty-coloured figures4  ,this toy1 she
 said1 excited my admiration1 and ,i    
wondered what could provide so charming 
a phenomenon1 when one day1 after a     
lengthy examination1 ,i found that it   
consisted simply of tiny bits of paper  
and cloth scattered inside4 ,a further  
examination revealed that there were    
three mirrors inside the tube1 and the  
problem was solved4 ,it became for me   
the illustration of a great truth4  ,so 
long as our actions1 even the most      
trivial1 remain within ,love's          
kaleidoscope1 so long the ,blessed      
,trinity1 figured by the three mirrors1 
imparts to them a wonderful brightness  
and beauty4 ,the eye-piece is ,jesus    
,christ1 and ,he1 looking from outside  
through ,himself into the kaleidoscope1 
finds perfect all our works4 ,but1      
should we leave that ineffable abode of 
,love1 ,he would see but the rags and   
chaff of unclean and worthless deeds4   
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,i told    

,soeur ,thrse of the strange phenomena  
produced by magnetism on persons who    
surrender their will to the hypnotiser4 
,it seemed to interest her greatly1 and 
next day she said to me3 ,your          
conversation yesterday did me so much   
good6 ,how ,i long to be hypnotised by  
,our ,lord6 ,it was my waking thought1  
and verily it was sweet to surrender    
,him my will4 ,i want ,him to take      
possession of my faculties in such wise 
that my acts may no more be mine1 or    
human1 but ,divine--inspired and guided 
by the ,spirit of ,love4  99   99   99  
99   99   99  ,before my profession ,i  
received through my saintly             
,novice-mistress a very special grace4  
,we had been washing all day4 ,i was    
worn-out with fatigue and harassed with 
spiritual worries4 ,that night1 before  
meditation1 ,i wanted to speak to her1  
but she dismissed me with the remark3   
,that is the bell for meditation1 and ,i
 have not time to console you2 besides1 
,i see plainly that it would be useless 

trouble4 ,for the present1 ,god wishes  
you to suffer alone4 ,i followed her to 
meditation so discouraged that1 for the 
first time1 ,i doubted of my vocation4  
,i should never be able to be a         
,carmelite4 ,the life was too hard4  ,i 
had been kneeling for some minutes1 when
 all at once1 in the midst of this      
interior struggle--without having asked 
or even wished for peace--,i felt a     
sudden and extraordinary change of soul4
 ,i no longer knew myself4 ,my vocation 
appeared to me both lovely and lovable4 
,i saw the sweetness and priceless value
 of suffering4 ,all the privations and  
fatigues of the religious life appeared 
to me infinitely preferable to worldly  
pleasures1 and ,i came away from my     
meditation completely transformed4      
,next day ,i told my ,mistress what had 
taken place1 and1 seeing she was deeply 
touched1 ,i begged to know the reason4  
,god is good1 she exclaimed4 ,last      
evening you inspired me with such       
profound pity that ,i prayed incessantly

 for you at the beginning of meditation4
 ,i besought ,our ,lord to bring you    
comfort1 to change your dispositions1   
and show you the value of suffering4 ,he
 has indeed heard my prayers4  99   99  
99   99   99   99  ,being somewhat of a 
child in my ways1 the ,holy ,child--to  
help me in the practice of              
virtue--inspired me with the thought of 
amusing myself with ,him1 and ,i chose  
the game of ninepins4 ,i imagined them  
of all sizes and colours1 representing  
the souls ,i wished to reach4 ,the ball 
was--love4  ,in ,december1 #ahif1 the   
novices received1 for the benefit of the
 ,foreign ,missions1 various trifles    
towards a ,christmas tree1 and at the   
bottom of the box containing them was a 
top--a rare thing in a ,carmelite       
convent4 ,my companions remarked3 ,what 
an ugly thing6--of what use will it be8 
,but ,i1 who knew the game1 caught hold 
of it1 exclaiming3 ,nay1 what fun6 it   
will spin a whole day without stopping  
if it be well whipped2 and thereupon ,i 

spun it around to their great surprise4 
,soeur ,thrse was quietly watching us1  
and on ,christmas night1 after midnight 
,mass1 ,i found in our cell the famous  
top1 with a delightful letter addressed 
as follows3  ,to ,my ,beloved ,little   
,spouse  ,player of ,ninepins on the    
,mountain of ,carmel  ,christmas ,night1
 #ahif4  ,,my ,,beloved ,,little        
,,spouse1--,i am well pleased with thee6
 ,all the year round thou hast amused   
,me by playing at ninepins4 ,i was so   
overjoyed that the whole court of       
,angels was surprised and charmed4      
,several little cherubs have asked me   
why ,i did not make them children4      
,others wanted to know if the melody of 
their instruments were not more pleasing
 to me than thy joyous laugh when a     
ninepin fell at the stroke of thy       
love-ball4 ,my answer to them was1 that 
they must not regret they are not       
children1 since one day they would play 
with thee in the meadows of ,heaven4 ,i 
told them also that thy smiles were     

certainly more sweet to ,me than their  
harmonies1 because these smiles were    
purchased by suffering and forgetfulness
 of self4  ,and now1 my cherished       
,spouse1 it is my turn to ask something 
of thee4 ,thou wilt not refuse ,me--thou
 lovest ,me too much4 ,let us change the
 game4 ,ninepins amuse me greatly1 but  
at present ,i should like to play at    
spinning a top1 and1 if thou dost       
consent1 thou shalt be the top4 ,i give 
thee one as a model4 ,thou seest that it
 is ugly to look at1 and would be kicked
 aside by whosoever did not know the    
game4 ,but at the sight of it a child   
would leap for joy and shout3 ,what fun6
 it will spin a whole day without       
stopping6  ,although thou too art not   
attractive1 ,i--the little ,jesus--love 
thee1 and beg of thee to keep always    
spinning to amuse ,me4 ,true1 it needs a
 whip to make a top spin4 ,then let thy 
,sisters supply the whip1 and be thou   
most grateful to those who shall make   
thee turn fastest4 ,when ,i shall have  

had plenty of fun1 ,i will bring thee to
 join ,me here1 and our games shall be  
full of unalloyed delight4--,thy little 
,brother1  ,,jesus4  99   99   99   99  
99   99  ,i had the habit of constantly 
crying about the merest trifles1 and    
this was a source of great pain to      
,soeur ,thrse4 ,one day a bright idea   
occurred to her3 taking a mussel-shell  
from her painting table1 and1 holding my
 hands lest ,i should prevent her1 she  
gathered my tears in the shell1 and soon
 they were turned into merry laughter4  
,there1 she said1 from this onwards ,i  
permit you to cry as much as you like on
 condition that it is into the shell6   
,a week1 however1 before her death ,i   
spent a whole evening in tears at the   
thought of her fast-approaching end4    
,she knew it1 and said3 ,you have been  
crying4 ,was it into the shell8 ,i was  
unable to tell an untruth1 and my answer
 grieved her4 ,i am going to die1 she   
continued1 and ,i shall not be at rest  
about you unless you promise to follow  

faithfully my advice4 ,i consider it of 
the utmost importance for the good of   
your soul4  ,i promised what she asked1 
begging leave1 however1 as a favour1 to 
be allowed to cry at her death4 ,but1   
she answered1 why cry at my death8      
,those tears will certainly be useless4 
,you will be bewailing my happiness6    
,still ,i have pity on your weakness1   
and for the first few days you have     
leave to cry1 though afterwards you must
 again take up the shell4  ,it has cost 
me some heroic efforts1 but ,i have been
 faithful4 ,i have kept the shell at    
hand1 and each time the wish to cry     
overcame me1 ,i laid hold of the        
pitiless thing4 ,however urgent the     
tears1 the trouble of passing it from   
one eye to the other so distracted my   
thoughts1 that before very long this    
ingenious method entirely cured me of my
 sensibility4  99   99   99   99   99   
99  ,owing to a fault which had caused  
,soeur ,thrse much pain1 but of which ,i
 had deeply repented1 ,i intended to    

deprive myself of ,holy ,communion4 ,i  
wrote to her of my resolution1 and this 
was her reply3 ,little flower1 most dear
 to ,jesus1 by this humiliation your    
roots are feeding upon the earth4 ,you  
must now open wide your petals1 or      
rather lift high your head1 so that the 
,manna of the ,angels may1 like a divine
 dew1 come down to strengthen you and   
supply all your wants4 ,good-night1 poor
 little flower6 ,ask of ,jesus that all 
the prayers offered for my cure may     
serve to increase the fire which ought  
to consume me4  99   99   99   99   99  
99  ,at the moment of ,communion ,i     
sometimes liken my soul to that of a    
little child of three or four1 whose    
hair has been ruffled and clothes soiled
 at play4 ,this is a picture of what    
befalls me in my struggling with souls4 
,but ,our ,blessed ,lady comes promptly 
to the rescue1 takes off my soiled      
pinafore1 and arranges my hair1 adorning
 it with a pretty ribbon or a simple    
flower4 4 4 4 ,then ,i am quite nice1   

and able1 without any shame1 to seat    
myself at the ,banquet of ,angels4  99  
99   99   99   99   99  ,in the         
infirmary we scarcely waited for the end
 of her thanksgiving before seeking her 
advice4 ,at first1 this somewhat        
distressed her1 and she would make      
gentle reproaches1 but soon she yielded 
to us1 saying3 ,i must not wish for more
 rest than ,our ,lord4 ,when ,he        
withdrew into the desert after          
preaching1 the crowds would come and    
intrude upon ,his solitude4 ,come1 then1
 to me as much as you like2 ,i must die 
sword in hand--'the sword of the        
,spirit1 which is the ,word of ,god4'#ah
  99   99   99   99   99   99  ,advise  
us1 we said to her1 how to profit by our
 spiritual instructions4 ,go for        
guidance with great simplicity1 not     
counting too much on help which may fail
 you at any moment4 ,you would then have
 to say with the ,spouse in the         
,canticles3 ',the keepers took away my  
cloak and wounded me2 when ,i had a     

little passed by them1 ,i found ,him    
whom my soul loveth4'#ai ,if you ask    
with humility and with detachment after 
your ,beloved1 the keepers will tell    
you4 ,more often1 you will find ,jesus  
only when you have passed by all        
creatures4 ,many times have ,i repeated 
this verse of the ,spiritual ,canticle  
of ,st4 ,john of the ,cross3            
',messengers1 ,i pray1 no more ,between 
us send1 who know not how ,to tell me   
what my spirit longs to know4 ,for they 
,thy charms who read--,for ever telling 
of a thousand more--,make all my wounds 
to bleed1 ,while deeper then before     
,doth an--,i know not what6--my spirit  
grieve ,with stammerings vague1 and of  
all life bereave4'  99   99   99   99   
99   99  ,if1 supposing the impossible1 
,god ,himself could not see my good     
actions1 ,i would not be troubled4 ,i   
love ,him so much ,i would like to give 
,him joy without ,his knowing who gave4 
,when ,he sees the gift being made1 ,he 
is1 as it were1 obliged to make a       

return4 4 4 4 ,i should wish to spare   
,him the trouble4  99   99   99   99    
99   99  ,had ,i been rich1 ,i could    
never have seen a poor person hungry    
without giving him to eat4 ,this is my  
way also in the spiritual life4 ,there  
are many souls on the brink of hell1 and
 as my earnings come to hand they are   
scattered among these sinners4 ,the time
 has never yet been when ,i could say3  
',now ,i am going to work for myself4'  
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,there are 
people who make the worst of everything4
 ,as for me1 ,i do just the contrary4 ,i
 always see the good side of things1 and
 even if my portion be suffering1       
without a glimmer of solace1 well1 ,i   
make it my joy4  99   99   99   99   99 
99  ,whatever has come from ,god's      
,hands has always pleased me1 even those
 things which have seemed to me less    
good and less beautiful than the gifts  
made to others4  99   99   99   99   99 
99  ,when staying with my aunt1 while ,i
 was still a little girl1 ,i was given a

 certain book to read4 ,in one of the   
stories great praise was bestowed on a  
schoolmistress who by her tact escaped  
from every difficulty without hurting   
anyone's feelings4 ,her method of saying
 to one person3 ',you are right1' and to
 another3 ',you are not wrong1' struck  
me particularly1 and as ,i read ,i      
reflected that ,i would not have acted  
in that way because we should always    
tell the truth4 ,and this ,i always do1 
though ,i grant it is much more         
difficult4 ,it would be far less trouble
 for us1 when told of a worry1 to cast  
the blame on the absent4 ,less trouble 4
 4 4 nevertheless ,i do just the        
contrary1 and if ,i am disliked it      
cannot be helped4 ,let the novices not  
come to me if they do not want to learn 
the truth4  99   99   99   99   99   99 
,before a reproof#bj bear fruit it must 
cost something and be free from the     
least trace of passion4 ,kindness must  
not degenerate into weakness4 ,when we  
have had good reason for finding fault1 

we must leave it1 and not allow         
ourselves to worry over having given    
pain4 ,to seek out the delinquent for   
the purpose of consoling her1 is to do  
more harm than good4 ,left alone1 she is
 compelled to look beyond creatures1 and
 to turn to ,god2 she is forced to see  
her faults and to humble herself4       
,otherwise she would become accustomed  
to expect consolation after a merited   
rebuke1 and would act like a spoilt     
child who stamps and screams1 knowing   
well that by this means its mother will 
be forced to return and dry its tears4  
99   99   99   99   99   99  ',let the  
sword of the ,spirit1 which is the ,word
 of ,god1 be ever in your mouth and in  
your hearts4'#ba ,if we find any one    
particular person disagreeable we should
 never be disheartened1 much less cease 
our endeavour to reform that soul4 ,we  
should wield the sword of the ,spirit1  
and so correct her faults4 ,things      
should never be allowed to pass for the 
sake of our own ease4 ,we must carry on 

the war even when there is no hope of   
victory4 ,success matters nothing1 and  
we must fight on and never complain3 ',i
 shall gain nothing from that soul1 she 
does not understand1 there is nothing   
for it but to abandon her4' ,that would 
be the act of a coward4 ,we must do our 
duty to the very end4  99   99   99   99
   99   99  ,formerly1 if any of my     
friends were in trouble1 and ,i did not 
succeed in consoling them when they came
 to see me1 ,i left the parlour quite   
heart-broken4 ,soon1 however1 ,our ,lord
 made me understand how incapable ,i was
 of bringing comfort to a soul1 and from
 that day ,i no longer grieved when my  
visitors went away downcast4 ,i confided
 to ,god the sufferings of those so dear
 to me1 and ,i felt sure that ,he heard 
my prayer4 ,at their next visit ,i      
learned that ,i was not mistaken4 ,after
 this experience1 ,i no longer worry    
when ,i have involuntarily given pain4 4
 4 4 ,i simply ask ,our ,lord to make   
amends4  99   99   99   99   99   99    

,what do you think of all the graces    
that have been heaped upon you8--,i     
think 'the ,spirit of ,god breatheth    
where ,he will4'#bb  99   99   99   99  
99   99  ,mother1 she one day said to   
the ,prioress1 were ,i unfaithful1 were 
,i to commit even the smallest          
infidelity1 ,i feel that my soul would  
be plunged into the most terrible       
anguish1 and ,i should be unable to     
welcome death4  ,mother ,prioress       
evinced surprise at hearing her speak in
 this strain1 and she continued3 ,i am  
speaking of infidelity in the matter of 
pride4 ,if1 for example1 ,i were to say3
 ',i have acquired such or such a virtue
 and ,i can practise it'2 or again3 ',my
 ,god1 ,thou knowest ,i love ,thee too  
much to dwell on one single thought     
against faith1' straightway ,i should be
 assailed by the most dangerous         
temptations and should certainly yield4 
,to prevent this misfortune ,i have but 
to say humbly and from my heart3 ',my   
,god1 ,i beseech ,thee not to let me be 

unfaithful4'  ,i understand clearly how 
,st4 ,peter fell4 ,he placed too much   
reliance on his own ardent nature1      
instead of leaning solely on the ,divine
 strength4 ,had he only said3 ',lord1   
give me strength to follow ,thee unto   
death6' the grace would not have been   
refused him4  ,how is it1 ,mother1 that 
,our ,lord1 knowing what was about to   
happen1 did not say to him3 ',ask of ,me
 the strength to do what is in thy      
mind8' ,i think ,his purpose was to give
 us a twofold lesson--first3 that ,he   
taught ,his ,apostles nothing by ,his   
presence which ,he does not teach us    
through the inspirations of grace2 and  
secondly3 that1 having made choice of   
,st4 ,peter to govern the whole ,church1
 wherein there are many sinners1 ,he    
wished him to test in himself what man  
can do without ,god's help4 ,this is why
 ,jesus said to him before his fall3    
',thou being once converted confirm thy 
brethren'2#bc that is1 ',tell them the  
story of thy sin--show them by thy own  

experience1 how necessary it is for     
salvation to rely solely upon ,me4'  99 
99   99   99   99   99  ,i was much     
afflicted at seeing her ill1 and ,i     
often exclaimed3 ,life is so dreary6    
,life is not dreary--she would          
immediately say2 on the contrary1 it is 
most gay4 ,now if you said3 ',exile is  
dreary1' ,i could understand4 ,it is a  
mistake to call 'life' that which must  
have an end4 ,such a word should be only
 used of the joys of ,heaven--joys that 
are unfading--and in this true meaning  
life is not sad but gay--most gay4 4 4 4
  ,her own gaiety was a thing of        
delight4 ,for several days she had been 
much better1 and we were saying to her3 
,we do not yet know of what disease you 
will die4 4 4 4 ,but1 she answered1 ,i  
shall die of death6 ,did not ,god tell  
,adam of what he would die when ,he said
 to him3 ',thou shalt die of death'8#bd 
,then death will come to fetch          
you8--,no1 not death1 but the ,good     
,god4 ,death is not1 as pictures tell   

us1 a phantom1 a horrid spectre4 ,the   
,catechism says that it is the          
separation of soul and body--no more6   
,well1 ,i do not fear a separation which
 will unite me for ever to ,god4  ,will 
the ,divine ,thief1 some one asked1 soon
 come to steal ,his little bunch of     
grapes8 ,i see ,him in the distance1 and
 ,i take good care not to cry out3      
',stop thief6' ,rather1 ,i call to ,him3
 ',this way1 this way6'  99   99   99   
99   99   99  ,asked under what name we 
should pray to her in ,heaven1 she      
answered humbly3 ,call me ,little       
,thrse4  99   99   99   99   99   99  ,i
 was telling her that the most beautiful
 angels1 all robed in white1 would bear 
her soul to ,heaven3 ,fancies like      
those1 she answered1 do not help me1 and
 my soul can only feed upon truth4 ,god 
and ,his ,angels are pure spirits4 ,no  
human eye can see them as they really   
are4 ,that is why ,i have never asked   
extraordinary favours4 ,i prefer to     
await the ,eternal ,vision4  ,to console

 me at your death ,i have asked ,god to 
send me a beautiful dream4--,that is a  
thing ,i would never do 4 4 4 ask for   
consolations4 ,since you wish to        
resemble me1 you know what are my ideas 
on this3  ',fear not1 ,o ,lord1 that ,i 
shall waken ,thee3 ,i shall await in    
peace the ,heavenly ,shore4'  ,it is so 
sweet to serve ,god in the dark night   
and in the midst of trial4 ,after all1  
we have but this life in which to live  
by faith4  99   99   99   99   99   99  
,i am happy at the thought of going to  
,heaven1 but when ,i reflect on these   
words of ,our ,lord3 ',i come quickly1  
and ,my reward is with ,me1 to render to
 every man according to his works1'#be  
,i think that ,he will find my case a   
puzzle3 ,i have no works4 4 4 4 ,well1  
,he will render unto me according to    
,his own works6  99   99   99   99   99 
99  ,the chief plenary indulgence1 which
 is within reach of everybody1 and can  
be gained without the ordinary          
conditions1 is that of charity--which   

'covereth a multitude of sins4'#bf  99  
99   99   99   99   99  ,surely you will
 not even pass through ,purgatory4 ,if  
such a thing should happen1 then        
certainly nobody goes straight to       
,heaven4--,that gives me little thought4
 ,i shall be quite content with the     
,merciful ,god's decision4 ,should ,i go
 to ,purgatory1 ,i shall--like the three
 ,hebrew children in the furnace--walk  
amid the flames singing the ,canticle of
 ,love4  99   99   99   99   99   99    
,in ,heaven you will be placed among the
 ,seraphim4 ,if so1 ,i shall not imitate
 them4 ,at the sight of ,god they cover 
themselves with their wings#bg3 ,i shall
 take good care not to hide myself with 
mine4  99   99   99   99   99   99  ,i  
showed her a picture which represented  
,joan of ,arc being comforted in prison 
by her ,voices1 and she remarked3 ,i    
also am comforted by an interior voice4 
,from above1 the ,saints encourage me1  
saying3 ',so long as thou art a captive 
in chains1 thou canst not fulfill thy   

mission1 but later on1 after thy death1 
will come thy day of triumph4'  99   99 
99   99   99   99  ,in ,heaven1 ,god    
will do all ,i desire1 because on earth 
,i have never done my own will4  99   99
   99   99   99   99  ,you will look    
down upon us from ,heaven1 will you     
not8--,no1 ,i will come down4  99   99  
99   99   99   99  ,some months before  
the death of ,soeur ,thrse1 ,the ,life  
of ,st4 ,aloysius was being read in the 
refectory1 and one of the ,mothers was  
struck by the mutual and tender         
affection which existed between the     
young ,saint and the aged ,jesuit1      
,father ,corbinelli4  ,you are little   
,aloysius1 she said to ,thrse1 and ,i am
 old ,father ,corbinelli--be mindful of 
me when you enter ,heaven4 ,would you   
like me to fetch you thither soon1 dear 
,mother8 ,no1 ,i have not yet suffered  
enough4 ,nay1 ,mother1 ,i tell you that 
you have suffered quite enough4 ,to     
which ,mother ,hermance replied3 ,i dare
 not say ,yes4 4 4 4 ,in so grave a     

matter ,i must have the sanction of     
authority4 ,so the request was made to  
,mother ,prioress1 who1 without         
attaching much importance to it1 gave   
her sanction4  ,now1 on one of the last 
days of her life1 ,soeur ,thrse1        
scarcely able to speak owing to her     
great weakness1 received through the    
infirmarian a bouquet of flowers4 ,it   
had been gathered by ,mother ,hermance1 
and was accompanied by an entreaty for  
one word of affection4 ,the message3    
,tell ,mother ,hermance of the ,heart of
 ,jesus that during ,mass this morning  
,i saw ,father ,corbinelli's grave close
 to that of little ,aloysius4  ,that is 
well1 replied the good ,mother1 greatly 
touched2 tell ,soeur ,thrse that ,i have
 understood4 4 4 4 ,and from that moment
 she felt convinced her death was near4 
,it took place just one year later1 and1
 according to the prediction of the     
,little ,aloysius1 the two graves lie   
side by side4  99   99   99   99   99   
99  ,the last words penned by the hand  

of ,soeur ,thrse were3 ,o ,mary1 were ,i
 ,queen of ,heaven1 and wert thou       
,thrse1 ,i should wish to be ,thrse1    
that ,i might see thee ,queen of        
,heaven6   #a ,cf4 ,matt4 #bj3bc4  #b   
,cf4 ,ps4 #fgfh3bh4  #c ,cf4 ,prov4     
#a3d4  #d ,judith #ae3aa4  #e ,ecclus4  
#aa3ab1 #ac1 #bb1 #bc1 #bd4  #f ,jer4   
#aj3bc4  #g ,cf4 ,psalm #icid3ah4  #h   
,imit41 ,i1 xvi4 #d4  #i ,john #ad3b4   
#aj ,cf4 ,psalm #aaaaab3e4  #aa ,cant4  
#a3b4  #ab ,cf4 #b ,esdras #d3ag4  #ac  
,matt4 #be3cf4  #ad ,prov4 #af3cb4  #ae 
,luke #b3ej4  #af ,luke #b3cc4  #ag ,ps4
 #aahaai3aab4  #ah ,ephes4 #f3ag4  #ai  
,cf4 ,cant4 #e3g1 #c3d4  #bj ,in this   
and the following counsel it should be  
remembered that it is a                 
,novice-,mistress who is speaking4 ,ed4 
#ba ,cf4 ,ephes4 #f3ag2 ,isaias #fa3ba4 
#bb ,cf4 ,john #c3h4  #bc ,luke #bb3cb4 
#bd ,cf4 ,gen4 #b3ag4 ,a play on the    
,french3 ,tu mourras de mort4 ,ed4  #be 
,apoc4 #bb3ab4  #bf ,prov4 #aj3ab4  #bg 
,cf4 ,isaias #f3b4     ,,letters ,,of   

,,soeur ,,th,r,,se ,,the ,,little       
,,flower ,,of ,,jesus     ,,letters ,,of
 ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se ,,to ,,her ,,sister 
,c,,line  ,i  ,j4,m4,j4,t4  ,may #h1    
#ahhh4  ,,dearest ,c,,line1--,there are 
moments when ,i wonder whether ,i am    
really and truly in the ,carmel2        
sometimes ,i can scarcely believe it4   
,what have ,i done for ,god that ,he    
should shower so many graces upon me8   
,a whole month has passed since we      
parted2 but why do ,i say parted8 ,even 
were the wide ocean between us1 our     
souls would remain as one4 ,and yet ,i  
know that not to have me is real        
suffering1 and if ,i listened to myself 
,i should ask ,jesus to let me bear the 
sadness in your stead6 ,i do not listen1
 as you see2 ,i should be afraid of     
being selfish in wishing for myself the 
better part--,i mean the suffering4 ,you
 are right--life is often burdensome and
 bitter4 ,it is painful to begin a day  
of toil1 especially when ,jesus hides   
,himself from our love4 ,what is this   

sweet ,friend about8 ,does ,he not see  
our anguish and the burden that weighs  
us down8 ,why does ,he not come and     
comfort us8  ,be not afraid4 4 4 4 ,he  
is here at hand4 ,he is watching1 and it
 is ,he who begs from us this pain1     
these tears4 4 4 4 ,he needs them for   
souls1 for our souls1 and ,he longs to  
give us a magnificent reward4 ,i assure 
you that it costs ,him dear to fill us  
with bitterness1 but ,he knows that it  
is the only means of preparing us to    
know ,him as ,he knows ,himself1 and to 
become ourselves ,divine6 ,our soul is  
indeed great and our destiny glorious4  
,let us lift ourselves above all things 
that pass1 and hold ourselves far from  
the earth6 ,up above1 the air is so     
pure4 4 4 4 ,jesus may hide ,himself1   
but we know that ,he is there4   ,,ii   
,october #bj1 #ahhh4  ,,my ,,dearest    
,,sister1--,do not let your weakness    
make you unhappy4 ,when1 in the morning1
 we feel no courage or strength for the 
practice of virtue1 it is really a      

grace3 it is the time to lay the axe to 
the root of the tree1#a relying upon    
,jesus alone4 ,if we fall1 an act of    
love will set all right1 and ,jesus     
smiles4 ,he helps us without seeming to 
do so2 and the tears which sinners cause
 ,him to shed are wiped away by our poor
 weak love4 ,love can do all things4    
,the most impossible tasks seem to it   
easy and sweet4 ,you know well that ,our
 ,lord does not look so much at the     
greatness of our actions1 nor even at   
their difficulty1 as at the love with   
which we do them4 ,what1 then1 have we  
to fear8  ,you wish to become a ,saint1 
and you ask me if this is not attempting
 too much4 ,cline1 ,i will not tell you 
to aim at the seraphic holiness of the  
most privileged souls1 but rather to be 
perfect as your ,heavenly ,father is    
perfect4#b ,you see that your           
dream--that our dreams and our          
desires--are not fancies1 since ,jesus  
,himself has laid their realisation upon
 us as a commandment4   ,,iii  ,january1

 #ahhi4  ,,my ,,dear ,,little           
,c,,line1--,jesus offers you the cross1 
a very heavy cross1 and you are afraid  
of not being able to carry it without   
giving way4 ,why8 ,our ,beloved ,himself
 fell three times on the way to         
,calvary1 and why should we not imitate 
our ,spouse8 ,what a favour from ,jesus1
 and how ,he must love us to send us so 
great a sorrow6 ,eternity itself will   
not be long enough to bless ,him for it4
 ,he heaps his favours upon us as upon  
the greatest ,saints4 ,what1 then1 are  
,his loving designs for our souls8 ,that
 is a secret which will only be revealed
 to us in our ,heavenly ,home1 on the   
day when the ,lord shall wipe away all  
our tears4#c  ,now we have nothing more 
to hope for on earth--the cool evenings 
are passed#d--;for us suffering alone   
remains6 ,ours is an enviable lot1 and  
the ,seraphim in ,heaven are jealous of 
our happiness4  ,the other day ,i came  
across this striking passage3 ,to be    
resigned and to be united to the will of

 ,god are not the same2 there is the    
same difference between them as that    
which exists between union and unity2 in
 union there are still two1 in unity    
there is but one4#e ,yes1 let us be one 
with ,god even in this life2 and for    
this we should be more than resigned1 we
 should embrace the ,cross with joy4    
,,iv  ,february #bh1 #ahhi4  ,,my ,,dear
 ,,little ,,sister1--,jesus is a ,spouse
 of blood4#f ,he wishes for ,himself all
 the blood of our hearts4 ,you are      
right--it costs us dear to give ,him    
what ,he asks4 ,but what a joy that it  
does cost6 ,it is happiness to bear our 
crosses1 and to feel our weakness in    
doing so4  ,cline1 far from complaining 
to ,our ,lord of this cross which ,he   
sends us1 ,i cannot fathom the ,infinite
 ,love which had led ,him to treat us in
 this way4 ,our dear ,father must indeed
 be loved by ,god to have so much       
suffering given to him4 ,i know that by 
humiliation alone can ,saints be made1  
and ,i also know that our trial is a    

mine of gold for us to turn to account4 
,i1 who am but a little grain of sand1  
wish to set to work1 though ,i have     
neither courage nor strength4 ,now this 
very want of power will make my task    
easier1 for ,i wish to work for love4   
,our martyrdom is beginning 4 4 4 ,let  
us go forth to suffer together1 dear    
sister1 and let us offer our sufferings 
to ,jesus for the salvation of souls4   
,v  ,march #ab1 #ahii4  4 4 4 ,i must   
forget this world4 ,here everything     
wearies me--,i find only one joy1 that  
of suffering1 and this joy1 which is not
 one of sense1 is above all joy4 ,life  
is passing1 and eternity is drawing     
near4 ,soon we shall live the very life 
of ,god4 ,after we have been filled at  
the source of all bitterness1 our thirst
 will be quenched at the very ,fountain 
of all sweetness4  ,the figure of this  
world passeth away#g--soon we shall see 
new skies--a more radiant sun will light
 with its splendour crystal seas and    
infinite horizons4 ,we shall no longer  

be prisoners in a land of exile1 all    
will have passed away1 and with our     
,heavenly ,spouse we shall sail upon    
boundless seas4 ,now1 our harps are     
hanging on the willows which grow by the
 rivers of ,babylon1#h but in the day of
 our deliverance what harmonies will    
they not give forth1 how joyfully shall 
we make all their strings vibrate6 ,now1
 we shed tears as we remember ,sion1 for
 how can we sing the songs of the ,lord 
in a land of exile8#i ,the burden of our
 song is suffering4 ,jesus offers us a  
chalice of great bitterness4 ,let us not
 withdraw our lips from it1 but suffer  
in peace4 ,he who says peace does not   
say joy1 or at least sensible joy3 to   
suffer in peace it is enough to will    
heartily all that ,our ,lord wills4 ,do 
not think we can find love without      
suffering1 for our nature remains and   
must be taken into account2 but it puts 
great treasures within our reach4       
,suffering is indeed our very           
livelihood1 and is so precious that     

,jesus came down upon earth on purpose  
to possess it4 ,we should like to suffer
 generously and nobly2 we should like   
never to fall4 ,what an illusion6 ,what 
does it matter to me if ,i fall at every
 moment6 ,in that way ,i realise my     
weakness1 and ,i gain thereby4 ,my ,god1
 ,thou seest how little ,i am good for1 
when ,thou dost carry me in ,thy ,arms2 
and if ,thou leavest me alone1 well1 it 
is because it pleases ,thee to see me   
lie on the ground4 ,then why should ,i  
be troubled8  ,if you are willing to    
bear in peace the trial of not being    
pleased with yourself1 you will be      
offering the ,divine ,master a home in  
your heart4 ,it is true that you will   
suffer1 because you will be like a      
stranger to your own house2 but do not  
be afraid--the poorer you are1 the more 
,jesus will love you4 ,i know that ,he  
is better pleased to see you stumbling  
in the night upon a stony road1 than    
walking in the full light of day upon a 
path carpeted with flowers1 because     

these flowers might hinder your advance4
   ,,vi  ,july #ad1 #ahhi4  ,,my        
,,darling ,,sister1--,i am ever with you
 in spirit4 ,yes1 it is very hard to    
live upon this earth1 but to-morrow1 in 
a brief hour1 we shall be at rest4 ,o my
 ,god1 what shall we then see8 ,what is 
this life which will have no end8 ,our  
,lord will be the soul of our soul4 ,o  
unsearchable mystery6 ,eye hath not seen
 nor ear heard1 neither hath it entered 
into the heart of man what things ,god  
hath prepared for them that love        
,him4#aj ,and all this will come        
soon--very soon--if we love ,jesus      
ardently4 ,it seems to me that ,god has 
no need of years to perfect ,his labour 
of love in a soul4 ,one ray from ,his   
,heart can in an instant make ,his      
flower blossom forth1 never to fade4 4 4
 4 ,cline1 during the fleeting moments  
that remain to us1 let us save souls6 ,i
 feel that ,our ,spouse asks us for     
souls--above all1 for the souls of      
,priests4 4 4 4 ,it is ,he ,who bids me 

tell you this4  ,there is but one thing 
to be done here below3 to love ,jesus1  
and to save souls for ,him that ,he may 
be more loved4 ,we must not let slip the
 smallest opportunity of giving ,him    
joy4 ,we must refuse ,him nothing4 ,he  
is in such need of love4  ,we are ,his  
chosen lilies4 ,he dwells as a ,king in 
our midst--,he lets us share the honours
 of ,his ,royalty--,his ,divine ,blood  
bedews our petals--and ,his ,thorns as  
they wound us spread abroad the perfume 
of our love4   ,,vii  ,october #bb1     
#ahhi4  ,,my ,,dearest ,c,,line1--,i    
send you a picture of the ,holy ,face4  
,the contemplation of this ,divine      
subject seems to me to belong in a      
special way to my little sister1 truly  
the sister of my soul4 ,may she be      
another ,veronica1 and wipe away all the
 ,blood and ,tears of ,jesus1 her only  
,love6 ,may she give ,him souls6 ,may   
she force her way through the           
soldiers--that is1 the world--to come   
close to ,his side4 4 4 4 ,happy will   

she be when she sees in ,heaven the     
value of that mysterious draught with   
which she quenched the thirst of her    
,heavenly ,spouse2 when she sees ,his   
,lips1 once parched with burning thirst1
 speaking to her the one eternal        
word--love1 and the thanks which shall  
have no end4 4 4 4  ,good-bye1 dear     
little ,veronica2#aa to-morrow1 no      
doubt1 your ,beloved will ask some new  
sacrifice1 a fresh relief for ,his      
thirst 4 4 4 but let us go and die with 
,him6   ,,viii  ,july #ah1 #ahij4  ,,my 
,,dear ,,little ,,sister1--,i send you a
 passage from ,isaias which will comfort
 you4 ,long ago the ,prophet's soul was 
filled with the thought of the hidden   
beauties of the ,divine ,face1 as our   
souls are now4 ,many a century has      
passed since then4 ,it makes me wonder  
what is ,time4 ,time is but a mirage1 a 
dream4 ,already ,god sees us in glory1  
and rejoices in our everlasting bliss4  
,how much good ,i derive from this      
thought6 ,i understand now why ,he      

allows us to suffer4  ,since ,our       
,beloved has trodden the wine-press     
alone1#ab the wine-press from which ,he 
gives us to drink--on our side let us   
not refuse to be clothed in             
blood-stained garments1 or to tread out 
for ,jesus a new wine which may quench  
,his thirst6 ,when ,he looks around     
,him1 ,he will not be able to say now   
that ,he is alone#ac--we shall be there 
to help ,him4  ,his look as it were     
hidden4#ad ,alas6 it is so even to this 
day1 and no one understands ,his ,tears4
 ,open to ,me1 ,my ,sister1 ,my ,spouse1
 he says to us1 for ,my ,head is full of
 dew and ,my ,locks of the drops of the 
night4#ae ,thus ,jesus complains to our 
souls when ,he is deserted and forgotten
 4 4 4 ,to be forgotten4 ,it is this1 ,i
 think1 which gives ,him most pain4     
,and our dear ,father6--it is           
heartrending1 but how can we repine     
since ,our ,lord ,himself was looked    
upon as one struck by ,god and          
afflicted8#af ,in this great sorrow we  

should forget ourselves1 and pray for   
,priests--our lives must be entirely    
devoted to them4 ,our ,divine ,master   
makes me feel more and more that this is
 what ,he asks of you and me4   ,,ix    
,september #bc1 #ahij4  ,o ,cline1 how  
can ,i tell you all that is happening   
within me8 ,what a wound ,i have        
received6 ,and yet ,i feel it is        
inflicted by a loving ,hand1 by a ,hand 
divinely jealous4  ,all was ready for my
 espousals2#ag but do you not think that
 something was still wanting to the     
feast8 ,it is true1 ,jesus had already  
enriched me with many jewels1 but no    
doubt there was one of incomparable     
beauty still missing2 this priceless    
diamond ,he has given me to-day 4 4 4   
,papa will not be here to-morrow6       
,cline1 ,i confess that ,i have cried   
bitterly4 4 4 4 ,i am still crying so   
that ,i can scarcely hold my pen4  ,you 
know how intensely ,i longed to see our 
dearest ,father again2 but now ,i feel  
that it is ,god's ,will that he should  

not be at my feast4 ,god has allowed it 
simply to try our love4 ,jesus wishes me
 to be an orphan 4 4 4 to be alone1 with
 ,him alone1 so that ,he may unite      
,himself more closely to me4 ,he wishes1
 too1 to give me back in ,heaven this   
joy so lawfully desired1 but which ,he  
has denied me here on earth4  ,to-day's 
trial is one of those sorrows that are  
difficult to understand3 a joy was set  
before us1 one most natural and easy of 
attainment4 ,we stretched forth our     
hands 4 4 4 and the coveted joy was     
withdrawn4 ,but it is not the hand of   
man which has done this thing--it is    
,god's work4 ,cline1 understand your    
,thrse1 and let us accept cheerfully the
 thorn which is offered us4 ,to-morrow's
 feast will be one of tears1 but ,i feel
 that ,jesus will be greatly consoled4 4
 4 4   ,x  ,october #ad1 #ahij4  ,,my   
,,darling ,,sister1--,i know quite well 
all you are suffering4 ,i know your     
anguish1 and ,i share it4 ,oh6 ,if ,i   
could but impart to you the peace which 

,jesus has put into my soul amid my most
 bitter tears4 ,be comforted--all passes
 away4 ,our life of yesterday is spent2 
death too will come and go1 and then we 
shall rejoice in life1 true life1 for   
countless ages1 for evermore4 ,meanwhile
 let us make of our heart a garden of   
delights where ,our sweet ,saviour may  
come and take ,his rest4 ,let us plant  
only lilies there1 and sing with ,st4   
,john of the ,cross3  ,there ,i remained
 in deep oblivion1 ,my head reposing    
upon ,him ,i love1 ,lost to myself and  
all6 ,i cast my cares away ,and let     
them1 heedless1 mid the lilies lie4#ah  
,,xi  ,april #bf1 #ahia4  ,,my ,,dear   
,,little ,,sister1--,three years ago our
 hearts had not yet been bruised1 and   
life was one glad smile4 ,then ,jesus   
looked down upon us1 and all things were
 changed into an ocean of tears 4 4 4   
but likewise into an ocean of grace and 
of love4 ,god has taken from us him whom
 we loved so tenderly--was it not that  
we might be able to say more truly than 

ever3 ,our ,father ,who art in heaven8  
,how consoling is this divine word1 and 
what vast horizons it opens before us6  
,my darling ,cline1 you who asked me so 
many questions when we were little1 ,i  
wonder how it was you never asked3 ,why 
has ,god not made me an ,angel8 ,well1  
,i am going to tell you4 ,our ,lord     
wishes to have ,his ,court here on      
earth1 as ,he has in ,heaven2 ,he wishes
 for angel-martyrs and angel-apostles2  
and if ,he has not made you an ,angel in
 ,heaven1 it is because ,he wishes you  
to be an ,angel of earth1 so that you   
may be able to suffer for ,his ,love4   
,dearest sister1 the shadows will soon  
disappear1 the rays of the ,eternal ,sun
 will thaw the hoar frost of winter4 4 4
 4 ,a little longer1 and we shall be in 
our true country1 and our childhood's   
joys--those ,sunday evenings1 those     
outpourings of the heart--will be given 
back to us for ever6   ,,xii  ,august   
#ae1 #ahib4  ,,my ,,dear ,,little       
,,sister1--,to write to you to-day ,i am

 obliged to steal a little time from    
,our ,lord4 ,he will forgive1 because it
 is of ,him that we are going to speak  
together4 ,the vast solitudes and       
enchanting views which unfold themselves
 before you ought to uplift your soul4  
,i do not see those things1 and ,i      
content myself by saying with ,st4 ,john
 of the ,cross in his ,spiritual        
,canticle3  ,in ,christ ,i have the     
mountains1 ,the quiet1 wooded valleys4  
,lately ,i have been thinking what ,i   
could undertake for the salvation of    
souls1 and these simple words of the    
,gospel have given me light4 ,pointing  
to the fields of ripe corn1 ,jesus once 
said to ,his disciples3 ,lift up your   
eyes and see the fields1 for they are   
already white with the harvest2#ai and  
again3 ,the harvest indeed is great1 but
 the labourers are few2 pray ye         
therefore the ,lord of the harvest that 
,he send forth labourers4#bj  ,here is a
 mystery indeed6 ,is not ,jesus         
all-powerful8 ,do not creatures belong  

to ,him who made them8 ,why does ,he    
deign to say3 ,pray ye the ,lord of the 
harvest that ,he send forth labourers8  
,it is because ,his ,love for us is so  
unsearchable1 so tender1 that ,he wishes
 us to share in all ,he does4 ,the      
,creator of the ,universe awaits the    
prayer of a poor little soul to save a  
multitude of other souls1 ransomed1 like
 her1 at the price of ,his ,blood4  ,our
 vocation is not to go forth and reap in
 ,our ,father's fields4 ,jesus does not 
say to us3 ,look down and reap the      
harvest4 ,our mission is even more      
sublime4 ,lift up your eyes and see1    
saith our ,divine ,master1 see how in   
,heaven there are empty thrones4 ,it is 
for you to fill them4 4 4 4 ,you are as 
,moses praying on the mountain1 so ask  
,me for labourers and they shall be     
sent4 ,i only await a prayer1 a sigh6   
,is not the apostolate of prayer--so to 
speak--higher than that of the spoken   
word8 ,it is for us by prayer to train  
workers who will spread the glad tidings

 of the ,gospel and who will save       
countless souls--the souls to whom we   
shall be the spiritual ,mothers4 ,what1 
then1 have we to envy in the ,priests of
 the ,lord8   ,,xiii  ,,my ,,darling    
,,sister1--,the affection of our        
childhood days has changed into a       
closest union of mind and heart4 ,jesus 
has drawn us to ,him together1 for are  
you not already ,his8 ,he has put the   
world beneath our feet4 ,like ,zaccheus 
we have climbed into a tree to behold   
,him--mysterious tree1 raising us high  
above all things1 from whence we can    
say3 ,all is mine1 all is for me3 the   
,earth and the ,heavens are mine1 ,god  
,himself is mine1 and the ,mother of my 
,god is for me4#ba  ,speaking of that   
,blessed ,mother1 ,i must tell you of   
one of my simple ways4 ,sometimes ,i    
find myself saying to her3 ,dearest     
,mother1 it seems to me that ,i am      
happier than you4 ,i have you for my    
,mother1 and you have no ,blessed       
,virgin to love4 4 4 4 ,it is true1 you 

are the ,mother of ,jesus1 but you have 
given ,him to me2 and ,he1 from the     
,cross1 has given you to be our         
,mother--thus we are richer than you6   
,long ago1 in your humility1 you wished 
to become the little handmaid of the    
,mother of ,god2 and ,i--poor little    
creature--am not your handmaid but your 
child6 ,you are the ,mother of ,jesus1  
and you are also mine6  ,our greatness  
in ,jesus is verily marvellous1 my      
,cline4 ,he has unveiled for us many a  
mystery by making us climb the mystical 
tree of which ,i spoke above4 ,and now  
what science is ,he going to teach8     
,have we not learned all things from    
,him8  ,make haste to come down1 for    
this day ,i must abide in thy house4#bb 
,jesus bids us come down4 ,where1 then1 
must we go8 ,the ,jews asked ,him3      
,master1 where dwellest thou8#bc ,and   
,he answered1 ,the foxes have holes and 
the birds of the air nests1 but the ,son
 of ,man hath not where to lay ,his     
,head4#bd ,if we are to be the          

dwelling-place of ,jesus1 we must come  
down even to this--we must be so poor   
that we have not where to lay our heads4
  ,this grace of light has been given to
 me during my retreat4 ,our ,lord       
desires that we should receive ,him into
 our hearts1 and no doubt they are empty
 of creatures4 ,alas6 mine is not empty 
of self2 that is why ,he bids me come   
down4 ,and ,i shall come down even to   
the very ground1 that ,jesus may find   
within my heart a resting-place for ,his
 ,divine ,head1 and may feel that there 
at least ,he is loved and understood4   
,,xiv  ,april #be1 #ahic4  ,,my ,,little
 ,c,,line1--,i must come and disclose   
the desires of ,jesus with regard to    
your soul4 ,remember that ,he did not   
say3 ,i am the flower of the gardens1 a 
carefully-tended ,rose2 but1 ,i am the  
,flower of the fields and the ,lily of  
the valleys4#be ,well1 you must be      
always as a drop of dew hidden in the   
heart of this beautiful ,lily of the    
valley4  ,the dew-drop--what could be   

simpler1 what more pure8 ,it is not the 
child of the clouds2 it is born beneath 
the starry sky1 and survives but a      
night4 ,when the sun darts forth its    
ardent rays1 the delicate pearls        
adorning each blade of grass quickly    
pass into the lightest of vapour4 4 4 4 
,there is the portrait of my little     
,cline6 ,she is a drop of dew1 an       
offspring of ,heaven--her true ,home4   
,through the night of this life she must
 hide herself in the ,field-flower's    
golden cup2 no eye must discover her    
abode4  ,happy dewdrop1 known to ,god   
alone1 think not of the rushing torrents
 of this world6 ,envy not even the      
crystal stream which winds among the    
meadows4 ,the ripple of its waters is   
sweet indeed1 but it can be heard by    
creatures4 ,besides1 the ,field-flower  
could never contain it in its cup4 ,one 
must be so little to draw near to       
,jesus1 and few are the souls that      
aspire to be little and unknown4 ,are   
not the river and the brook1 they urge1 

of more use than a dewdrop8 ,of what    
avail is it8 ,its only purpose is to    
refresh for one moment some poor little 
field-flower4  ,ah6 ,they little know   
the true ,flower of the field4 ,did they
 know ,him they would understand better 
,our ,lord's reproach to ,martha4 ,our  
,beloved needs neither our brilliant    
deeds nor our beautiful thoughts4 ,were 
,he in search of lofty ideas1 has ,he   
not ,his ,angels1 whose knowledge       
infinitely surpasses that of the        
greatest genius of earth8 ,neither      
intellect nor other talents has ,he come
 to seek among us4 4 4 4 ,he has become 
the ,flower of the field to show how    
much ,he loves simplicity4  ,the ,lily  
of the valley asks but a single dewdrop1
 which for one night shall rest in its  
cup1 hidden from all human eyes4 ,but   
when the shadows shall begin to fade1   
when the ,flower of the field shall have
 become the ,sun of ,justice1#bf then   
the dewdrop--the humble sharer of ,his  
exile--will rise up to ,him as love's   

vapour4 ,he will shed on her a ray of   
,his light1 and before the whole court  
of ,heaven she will shine eternally like
 a precious pearl1 a dazzling mirror of 
the ,divine ,sun4   ,,xv  ,august #b1   
#ahic4  ,,my ,,dear ,c,,line1--,what you
 write fills me with joy2 you are making
 your way by a royal road4 ,the ,spouse 
in the ,canticles1 unable to find her   
,beloved in the time of repose1 went    
forth to seek ,him in the city4 ,but in 
vain 4 4 4 it was only without the walls
 she found ,him4 ,it is not in the      
sweetness of repose that ,jesus would   
have us discover ,his ,adorable         
,presence4 ,he hides ,himself and       
shrouds ,himself in darkness4 ,true1    
this was not ,his way with the          
multitude1 for we read that all the     
people were carried away as soon as ,he 
spoke to them4  ,the weaker souls ,he   
charmed by ,his divine eloquence with   
the aim of strengthening them against   
the day of temptation and trial1 but    
,his faithful friends were few that day 

when ,he was silent#bg in the presence  
of ,his judges4 ,sweet melody to my     
heart is that silence of the ,divine    
,master6  ,he would have us give ,him   
alms as to a poor man1 and puts         
,himself--so to speak--at our mercy4 ,he
 will take nothing that is not          
cheerfully given1 and the veriest trifle
 is precious in ,his ,divine ,eyes4 ,he 
stretches forth ,his ,hand to receive a 
little love1 that in the radiant day of 
the ,judgment ,he may speak to us those 
ineffably sweet words3 ,come1 ye blessed
 of ,my ,father1 for ,i was hungry and  
you gave ,me to drink1 ,i was a stranger
 and you took ,me in1 ,i was sick and   
you visited ,me1 ,i was in prison and   
you came to ,me4#bh  ,dearest ,cline1   
let us rejoice in the lot that is ours6 
,let us give and give again1 and give   
royally1 never forgetting that ,our     
,beloved is a hidden ,treasure which few
 souls know how to find4 ,now to        
discover that which is hidden we must   
needs hide ourselves in the             

hiding-place4 ,let our life1 then1 be   
one of concealment4 ,the author of the  
,imitation tells us3  ,if thou would'st 
know and learn something to the purpose1
 love to be unknown1 and to be esteemed 
as nothing 4 4 4 #bi ,having forsaken   
all things1 a man should forsake        
himself4 4 4 #cj ,let this man glory in 
this and another in that1 but thou for  
thy part rejoice neither in this nor in 
that1 but in the contempt of thyself4#ca
   ,,xvi  ,,my ,,dear ,c,,line1--,you   
tell me that my letters do good to you4 
,i am indeed glad1 but ,i assure you    
that ,i am under no misapprehension3    
,unless the ,lord build the house1 they 
labour in vain who build it4#cb ,the    
greatest eloquence cannot call forth a  
single act of love without that grace   
which touches the heart4  ,think of a   
beautiful peach with its delicate tint  
of rose1 with its flavour so sweet that 
no human skill could invent such nectar4
 ,tell me1 ,cline1 is it for the peach's
 own sake that ,god created that colour 

so fair to the eye1 that velvety        
covering so soft to the touch8 ,is it   
for itself that ,he made it so sweet8   
,nay1 it is for us2 the only thing that 
is all its own and is essential to its  
being1 is the stone2 it possesses       
nothing beyond4  ,thus also it pleases  
,jesus to lavish ,his gifts on certain  
souls in order to draw yet others to    
,himself2 in ,his ,mercy ,he humbles    
them inwardly and gently compels them to
 recognise their nothingness and ,his   
,almighty ,power4 ,now this sentiment of
 humility is like a kernel of grace     
which ,god hastens to develop against   
that blessed day1 when1 clothed with an 
imperishable beauty1 they will be       
placed1 without danger1 on the          
banqueting-table of ,paradise4 ,dear    
little sister1 sweet echo of my soul1   
,thrse is far from the heights of       
fervour at this moment2 but when ,i am  
in this state of spiritual dryness1     
unable to pray1 or to practise virtue1  
,i look for little opportunities1 for   

the smallest trifles1 to please my      
,jesus3 a smile or a kind word1 for     
instance1 when ,i would wish to be      
silent1 or to show that ,i am bored4 ,if
 no such occasion offer1 ,i try at least
 to say over and over again that ,i love
 ,him4 ,this is not hard1 and it keeps  
alive the fire in my heart4 ,even should
 the fire of love seem dead1 ,i would   
still throw my tiny straws on the ashes1
 and ,i am confident it would light up  
again4  ,it is true ,i am not always    
faithful1 but ,i never lose courage4 ,i 
leave myself in the ,arms of ,our ,lord4
 ,he teaches me to draw profit from     
everything1 from the good and from the  
bad which ,he finds in me4#cc ,he       
teaches me to speculate in the ,bank of 
,love1 or rather it is ,he ,who         
speculates for me1 without telling me   
how ,he does it--that is ,his affair1   
not mine4 ,i have but to surrender      
myself wholly to ,him1 to do so without 
reserve1 without even the satisfaction  
of knowing what it is all bringing to   

me4 4 4 4 ,after all1 ,i am not the     
prodigal child1 and ,jesus need not     
trouble about a feast for me1 because ,i
 am always with ,him4#cd  ,i have read  
in the ,gospel that the ,good ,shepherd 
leaves the faithful ones of ,his flock  
in the desert to hasten after the lost  
sheep4 ,this confidence touches me      
deeply4 ,you see ,he is sure of them4   
,how could they stray away8 ,they are   
prisoners of ,love4 ,in like manner does
 the ,beloved ,shepherd of our souls    
deprive us of the sweets of ,his        
,presence1 to give ,his consolations to 
sinners2 or if ,he lead us to ,mount    
,thabor it is but for one brief moment 4
 4 4 the pasture land is nearly always  
in the valleys1 it is there that ,he    
takes ,his rest at mid-day4#ce   ,,xvii 
,october #bj1 #ahic4  ,,my ,,dear       
,,sister1--,i find in the ,canticle of  
,canticles this passage which may be    
fitly applied to you3 ,what dost thou   
see in thy beloved but a band of        
musicians in an armed camp8#cf ,through 

suffering1 your life has in truth become
 a battle-field1 and there must be a    
band of musicians1 so you shall be the  
little harp of ,jesus4 ,but no concert  
is complete without singing1 and if     
,jesus plays1 must not ,cline make      
melody with her voice8 ,when the music  
is plaintive1 she will sing the songs of
 exile2 when the music is gay1 she will 
lilt the airs of her ,heavenly ,home4 4 
4 4  ,whatever may happen1 all earthly  
events1 be they happy or sad1 will be   
but distant sounds1 unable to awake a   
vibration from the harp of ,jesus4 ,he  
reserves to ,himself alone the right of 
lightly touching its strings4  ,i cannot
 think without delight of that sweet    
saint1 ,cecilia4 ,what an example she   
gives us6 ,in the midst of a pagan      
world1 in the very heart of danger1 at  
the moment when she was to be united to 
a man whose love was so utterly of      
earth1 it seems to me as if she should  
have wept and trembled with fear4 ,but  
instead1 during the music of the        

marriage-feast ,cecilia kept singing in 
her heart4#cg ,what perfect resignation6
 ,no doubt she heard other melodies than
 those of this world2 her ,divine       
,spouse too was singing1 and the ,angels
 repeated in chorus the refrain of      
,bethlehem's blessed night3 ,glory to   
,god in the highest1 and on earth peace 
to men of goodwill4#ch  ,the ,glory of  
,god6 ,st4 ,cecilia understood it well1 
and longed for it with all her heart4   
,she guessed that her ,jesus was        
thirsting for souls 4 4 4 and that is   
why her whole desire was to bring to    
,him quickly the soul of the young      
,roman1 whose only thought was of human 
glory4 ,this wise ,virgin will make of  
him a ,martyr1 and multitudes will      
follow in his footsteps4 ,she knows no  
fear3 the ,angels in their song made    
promise of peace4 ,she knows that the   
,prince of ,peace is bound to protect   
her1 to guard her virginity1 and to make
 her recompense4 4 4 4 ,oh1 how         
beautiful is the chaste generation6#ci  

,dearest sister1 ,i hardly know what ,i 
write2 ,i let my pen follow the dictates
 of my heart4 ,you tell me that you feel
 your weakness1 but that is a grace4 ,it
 is ,our ,lord ,who sows the seeds of   
distrust of self in your soul4 ,do not  
be afraid6 ,if you do not fail to give  
,him pleasure in small things1 he will  
be obliged to help you in great ones4   
,the ,apostles laboured long without    
,him1 they toiled a whole night and     
caught no fish4 ,their labours were not 
inacceptable to him1 but ,he wished to  
prove that ,he is the ,giver of all     
things4 ,so an act of humility was asked
 of the ,apostles1 and ,our loving ,lord
 called to them3 ,children1 have you    
anything to eat8#dj ,st4 ,peter1 avowing
 his helplessness1 cried out3 ,lord1 we 
have laboured all the night1 and have   
taken nothing4#da ,it is enough1 the    
,heart of ,jesus is touched4 4 4 4 ,had 
the ,apostle caught some small fish1    
perhaps our ,divine ,master would not   
have worked a miracle2 but he had caught

 nothing1 and so through the power and  
goodness of ,god his nets were soon     
filled with great fishes4 ,such is ,our 
,lord's way4 ,he gives as ,god--with    
divine largesse--but ,he insists on     
humility of heart4   ,,xviii  ,july #g1 
#ahid4  ,,my ,,dear ,,little            
,,sister1--,i do not know if you are    
still in the same frame of mind as when 
you last wrote to me2 ,i presume that   
you are1 and ,i answer with this passage
 of the ,canticle of ,canticles1 which  
explains so well the state of a soul in 
utter dryness1 a soul which cannot find 
joy or consolation in anything3 ,i went 
down into the garden of nut-trees to see
 the fruits of the valleys1 and to look 
if the vineyard had flourished1 and the 
pomegranates were in bud4 ,i no longer  
knew where ,i was3 my soul was troubled 
because of the chariots of ,aminadab4#db
  ,there is the true picture of our     
souls4 ,often we go down in the fertile 
valleys where our heart loves to find   
its nourishment2 and the vast fields of 

,holy ,scripture1 which have so often   
opened to yield us richest treasures1   
now seem but an arid and waterless      
waste4 ,we no longer even know where we 
stand4 ,in place of peace and light1 all
 is sorrow and darkness4 ,but1 like the 
,spouse in the ,canticles1 we know the  
cause of this trial3 ,my soul was       
troubled because of the chariots of     
,aminadab4 ,we are not as yet in our    
true country1 and as gold is tired in   
the fire so must our souls be purified  
by temptation4 ,we sometimes think we   
are abandoned4 ,alas6 the chariots--that
 is to say1 the idle clamours which     
beset and disturb us--are they within   
the soul or without8 ,we cannot tell1   
but ,jesus knows2 ,he sees all our      
grief1 and in the night1 on a sudden1   
,his ,voice is heard3 ,return1 return1  
,o ,sulamitess3 return1 return1 that we 
may behold thee4#dc  ,o gracious call6  
,we dared no longer even look upon      
ourselves1 the sight filled us with     
horror1 and ,jesus calls us that ,he may

 look upon us at leisure4 ,he wills to  
see us2 ,he comes1 and with ,him come   
the other two ,persons of the ,adorable 
,trinity to take possession of our soul4
  ,our ,lord had promised this1 when1   
with unspeakable tenderness1 ,he had    
said of old3 ,if anyone love ,me he will
 keep ,my word1 and ,my ,father will    
love him1 and ,we will come to him1 and 
will make ,our abode with him4#dd ,to   
keep the word of ,jesus1 then1 is one   
condition of our happiness1 the proof of
 our love for ,him2 and this word seems 
to me to be ,his very ,self1 for ,he    
calls ,himself the ,uncreated ,word of  
the ,father4  ,in the same ,gospel of   
,st4 ,john ,he makes the sublime prayer3
 ,sanctify them by ,thy word1 ,thy word 
is truth4#de ,and in another passage    
,jesus teaches us that ,he is the ,way  
and the ,truth and the ,life4#df ,we    
know1 then1 what is this word which must
 be kept2 we cannot say1 like ,pilate3  
,what is truth8#dg ,we possess the      
,truth1 for our ,beloved dwells in our  

hearts4  ,often this ,beloved is to us a
 bundle of myrrh4#dh ,we share the      
chalice of ,his sufferings2 but how     
sweet it will be to us one day to hear  
these gentle words3 ,you are they who   
have continued with ,me in ,my          
temptations1 and ,i dispose to you1 as  
,my ,father hath disposed to ,me1 a     
kingdom4#di   ,,xix  ,august #ai1 #ahid4
  ,this is perhaps the last time that ,i
 need have recourse to writing in order 
to talk to you1 my dear little sister4  
,god in ,his goodness has granted my    
dearest wish4 ,come1 and we will suffer 
together 4 4 4 ,then ,jesus will take   
one of us1 and the others will remain in
 exile yet a little longer4 ,now1 listen
 well to what ,i am going to say3 ,god  
will never1 never separate us2 and if ,i
 die before you1 do not think that ,i   
shall be far away--never shall we have  
been more closely united4 ,you must not 
be grieved at my childish prophecy4 ,i  
am not ill1 ,i have an iron             
constitution2 but the ,lord can break   

iron as if it were clay4  ,our dear     
,father makes his presence felt in a way
 which touches me deeply4 ,after a death
 lasting for five long years1 what joy  
to find him as he used to be1 nay1 more 
a father than ever6 ,how well he is     
going to repay you for the care you so  
generously bestowed on him6 ,you were   
his ,angel1 now he will be yours4 ,he   
has only been one month in heaven1 and  
already1 through the power of his       
intercession1 all your plans are        
succeeding4 ,it is easy for him now to  
arrange matters for us1 and he has had  
less to suffer on ,cline's account than 
he had for his poor little ,queen4  ,for
 a long time you have been asking me for
 news about the noviciate1 especially   
about my work1 and now ,i am going to   
satisfy you4 ,in my dealings with the   
novices ,i am like a setter on the scent
 of game4 ,the rle gives me much anxiety
 because it so very exacting4 ,you shall
 decide for yourself if this be not the 
case4 ,all day long1 from morn till     

night1 ,i am in pursuit of game4 ,mother
 ,prioress and the ,novice ,mistress    
play the part of sportsmen--but         
sportsmen are too big to be creeping    
through the cover1 whereas a little dog 
can push its way in anywhere 4 4 4 and  
then its scent is so keen6 ,i keep a    
close watch upon my little rabbits2 ,i  
do not want to do them any harm1 but ,i 
tell them gently3 ,you must keep your   
fur glossy1 and must not look foolishly 
about as does a rabbit of the warren4   
,in fact1 ,i try to make them such as   
the ,hunter of ,souls would have them1  
simple little creatures that go on      
browsing heedless of everything else4   
,i laugh now1 but seriously ,i am quite 
convinced that one of these rabbits--you
 know which one ,i mean--is worth a     
hundred times more than the setter2 it  
has run through many a danger1 and ,i   
own that1 had ,i been in its place1 ,i  
should have long since been lost for    
ever in the great forest of the world4  
,,xx  ,i am so glad1 dearest ,cline1    

that you do not feel any particular     
attraction at the thought of entering   
the ,carmel4 ,this is really a mark of  
,our ,lord's favour1 and shows that ,he 
looks for a gift from your hands4 ,he   
knows that it is so much sweeter to give
 than to receive4 ,what happiness to    
suffer for ,him ,who loves us even unto 
folly1 and to pass for fools in the eyes
 of the world6 ,we judge others by      
ourselves1 and1 as the world will not   
hearken to reason1 it calls us          
unreasonable too4  ,we may console      
ourselves1 we are not the first4 ,folly 
was the only crime with which ,herod    
could reproach ,our ,lord 4 4 4 and1    
after all1 ,herod was right4 ,yes1      
indeed1 it was folly to come and seek   
the poor hearts of mortal men to make   
them thrones for ,him1 the ,king of     
,glory1 ,who sitteth above the          
,cherubim6 ,was ,he not supremely happy 
in the company of ,his ,father and the  
,holy ,spirit of ,love8 ,why1 then1 come
 down on earth to seek sinners and make 

of them ,his closest friends8 ,nay1 our 
folly could never exceed ,his1 and our  
deeds are quite within the bounds of    
reason4 ,the world may leave us alone4  
,i repeat1 it is the world that is      
insane1 because it heeds not what ,jesus
 has done and suffered to save it from  
eternal damnation4  ,we are neither     
idlers nor spendthrifts4 ,our ,divine   
,master has taken our defence upon      
,himself4 ,remember the scene in the    
house of ,lazarus3 ,martha was serving1 
while ,mary had no thought of food but  
only of how she could please her        
,beloved4 ,and she broke her alabaster  
box1 and poured out upon her ,saviour's 
,head the precious spikenard1#ej and the
 house was filled with the odour of the 
ointment4#ea  ,the ,apostles murmured   
against ,magdalen4 ,this still happens1 
for so do men murmur against us4 ,even  
some fervent ,catholics think our ways  
are exaggerated1 and that--with         
,martha--we ought to wait upon ,jesus1  
instead of pouring out on ,him the      

odorous ointment of our lives4 ,yet what
 does it matter if these                
ointment-jars--our lives--be broken1    
since ,our ,lord is consoled1 and the   
world in spite of itself is forced to   
inhale the perfumes they give forth8 ,it
 has much need of these perfumes to     
purify the unwholesome air it breathes4 
,for a while only1 good-bye1 dearest    
sister4 ,your barque is near to port4   
,the breezes filling its sails are the  
zephyrs of ,love--breezes that speed    
more swiftly than the lightning-flash4  
,good-bye6 in a few days we shall be    
together within these ,carmel walls 4 4 
4 and in the after days together in     
,paradise4 ,did not ,jesus say during   
,his ,passion3 ,hereafter you shall see 
the ,son of ,man sitting on the right   
hand of the power of ,god and coming in 
the clouds of heaven8#eb 4 4 4 ,we shall
 be there6  ,,th,r,,se4   #a ,matt4     
#c3aj4  #b ,matt4 #e3dh4  #c ,apoc4     
#ba3d4  #d ,st4 ,john of the ,cross4  #e
 ,mme4 ,swetchine4  #f ,exodus #d3be4   

#g ,i ,cor4 #g3ca4  #h ,cf4 ,ps4 #acf3b4
  #i ,cf4 ,ps4 #acf3a1 #d4  #aj ,i ,cor4
 #b3i4  #aa ,it is remarkable that      
,soeur ,thrse applied this name to her  
sister ,cline1 who1 under her           
inspiration1 was later to reproduce so  
faithfully the true likeness of ,our    
,lord1 from the ,holy ,winding ,sheet of
 ,turin4 ,ed4 ,remainder of long        
footnote1 discussing this likeness1 its 
reproduction1 and related matters1      
omitted from this electronic edition4   
#ab ,isa4 #fc3c4  #ac ,cf4 ,isa4 #fc3e4 
#ad ,isa4 #ec3c4  #ae ,cant4 #e3b4  #af 
,is4 #ec3d4  #ag ,soeur ,thrse received 
the veil on ,september #bd1 #ahij4  #ah 
,st4 ,john of the ,cross3 ,the ,night of
 the ,soul1 #hth stanza4  #ai ,john     
#d3ce4  #bj ,matt4 #i3cg1 #ch4  #ba ,st4
 ,john of the ,cross4  #bb ,luke #ai3e4 
#bc ,john #a3ch4  #bd ,luke #i3eh4  #be 
,cant4 #b3a4  #bf ,malachias #d3b4  #bg 
,matt4 #bf3bc4  #bh ,matt4 #be3cd-cf4   
#bi ,imit41 ,bk4 ,i1 ch4 ii4 #c4  #cj   
,ib41 ,bk4 ,,ii1 ch4 xi4 #d4  #ca ,ib41 

,bk4 ,,iii1 ch4 xlix4 #g4  #cb ,ps4     
#abfabg3a4  #cc ,st4 ,john of the       
,cross4  #cd ,cf4 ,luke #ae3ca4  #ce    
,cant4 #a3f4  #cf ,cf4 ,cant4 #g3a4  #cg
 ,office of ,st4 ,cecilia4  #ch ,luke   
#b3ad4  #ci ,wisdom #d3a4  #dj ,john    
#ba3e4  #da ,luke #e3e4 ,soeur ,thrse   
joins in one the two miraculous draughts
 of fishes4 ,ed4  #db ,cf4 ,cant4 #f3aj1
 #aa4  #dc ,cant4 #f3ab4  #dd ,john     
#ad3bc4  #de ,cf4 ,john #ag3ag4  #df    
,john #ad3f4  #dg ,john #ah3ch4  #dh    
,cf4 ,cant4 #a3ab4  #di ,luke #bb3bh1   
#bi4  #ej ,cf4 ,mark #ad3c4  #ea ,john  
#ab3c4  #eb ,matt4 #bf3fd4     ,,letters
 ,,to ,,mother ,,agnes ,,of ,,jesus     
,selections   ,i  7,written in #ahhg1   
shortly before ,thrse entered the       
,carmel47  ,,my ,,darling ,,little      
,,mother1--,you are right when you tell 
me that every cup must contain its drop 
of gall4 ,i find that trials are a great
 help towards detachment from the things
 of earth3 they make one look higher    
than this world4 ,nothing here can      

satisfy1 and we can find rest only in   
holding ourselves ready to do ,god's    
will4  ,my frail barque has great       
difficulty in reaching port4 ,i sighted 
it long since1 and still ,i find myself 
afar off4 ,yet ,jesus steers this little
 barque1 and ,i am sure that on ,his    
appointed day it will come safely to the
 blessed haven of the ,carmel4 ,o       
,pauline6 when ,jesus shall have        
vouchsafed me this grace1 ,i wish to    
give myself entirely to ,him1 to suffer 
always for ,him1 to live for ,him alone4
 ,i do not fear ,his rod1 for even when 
the smart is keenest we feel that it is 
,his sweet ,hand which strikes4  ,it is 
such joy to think that for each pain    
cheerfully borne we shall love ,god more
 through eternity4 ,happy should ,i be  
if at the hour of my death ,i could     
offer ,jesus a single soul4 ,there would
 be one soul less in hell1 and one more 
to bless ,god in ,heaven4   ,,ii        
7,written during her retreat before     
receiving the habit47  ,january1 #ahhi4 

,dryness and drowsiness--such is the    
state of my soul in its intercourse with
 ,jesus6 ,but since my ,beloved wishes  
to sleep ,i shall not prevent ,him4 ,i  
am only too happy that ,he does not     
treat me as a stranger1 but rather in a 
homely way4 ,he riddles his little ball 
with pin-pricks that hurt indeed1 though
 when they come from the ,hand of this  
loving ,friend1 the pain is all         
sweetness1 so gentle in ,his touch4 ,how
 different the hand of man6  ,yet ,i am 
happy1 most happy to suffer6 ,if ,jesus 
,himself does not pierce me1 ,he guides 
the hand which does4 ,mother6 ,if you   
knew how utterly indifferent to earthly 
things ,i desire to be1 and of how      
little concern to me are all the        
beauties of creation4 ,i should be      
wretched were ,i to possess them4 ,my   
heart seems so vast when ,i think of the
 goods of earth--all of them together   
unable to fill it4 ,but by the side of  
,jesus how small does it appear6 ,he is 
full good to me--this ,god who soon will

 be my ,spouse4 ,he is divinely lovable 
for not permitting me to be the captive 
of any passing joy4 ,he knows well that 
if ,he sent me but a shadow of earthly  
happiness ,i should cling to it with all
 the intense ardour of my heart1 and ,he
 refuses even this shadow 4 4 4 ,he     
prefers to leave me in darkness1 rather 
than afford me a false glimmer which    
would not be ,himself4  ,i do not wish  
creatures to have one atom of my love4  
,i wish to give all to ,jesus1 since ,he
 makes me understand that ,he alone is  
perfect happiness4 ,all6--all shall be  
for ,him6 ,and even when ,i have        
nothing1 as is the case to-night1 ,i    
will give ,him this nothing 4 4 4       
,,iii  #ahhi4  4   4   4   4   4   4   4
  ,i have a longing for those           
heart-wounds1 those pin-pricks which    
inflict so much pain4 ,i know of no     
ecstasy to which ,i do not prefer       
sacrifice4 ,there ,i find happiness1 and
 there alone4 ,the slender reed has no  
fear of being broken1 for it is planted 

beside the waters of ,love4 ,when1      
therefore1 it bends before the gale1 it 
gathers strength in the refreshing      
stream1 and longs for yet another storm 
to pass and sway its head4 ,my very     
weakness makes me strong4 ,no harm can  
come to me since1 in whatever happens1  
,i see only the tender ,hand of ,jesus 4
 4 4 ,besides1 no suffering is too big a
 price to pay for the glorious palm4    
,,iv  7,written during her retreat      
before profession47  ,september1 #ahij4 
,,my ,,dearest ,,mother1--,your little  
hermit must give you an account of her  
journey4 ,before starting1 my ,beloved  
asked me in what land ,i wished to      
travel1 and what road ,i wished to take4
 ,i told him that ,i had only one       
desire1 that of reaching the summit of  
the ,mountain of ,love4  ,thereupon     
roads innumerable spread before my gaze1
 but so many of these were perfect that 
,i felt incapable of choosing any of my 
own free will4 ,then ,i said to my      
,divine ,guide3 ,thou knowest where lies

 the goal of my desire1 and for ,whose  
sake ,i would climb the ,mountain4 ,thou
 knowest ,who possesses the love of my  
heart4 ,for ,him only ,i set out on this
 journey2 lead me therefore by the paths
 of ,his choosing3 my joy shall be full 
if only ,he is pleased4  ,and ,our ,lord
 took me by the hand1 and led me through
 an underground passage where it is     
neither hot nor cold1 where the sun     
shines not1 and where neither wind nor  
rain can enter--a place where ,i see    
nothing but a half-veiled light1 the    
light that gleams from the downcast     
,eyes of the ,face of ,jesus4  ,my      
,spouse speaks not a word1 and ,i say   
nothing save that ,i love ,him more than
 myself2 and in the depths of my heart  
,i know this is true1 for ,i am more    
,his than mine4 ,i cannot see that we   
are advancing toward our journey's goal 
since we travel by a subterranean way2  
and yet1 without knowing how1 it seems  
to me that we are nearing the summit of 
the ,mountain4  ,i give thanks to my    

,jesus for making me walk in darkness1  
and in this darkness ,i enjoy profound  
peace4 ,willingly do ,i consent to      
remain through all my religious life in 
this gloomy passage into which ,he has  
led me4 ,i desire only that my darkness 
may obtain light for sinners4 ,i am     
content1 nay1 full of joy1 to be without
 all consolation4 ,i should be ashamed  
if my love were like that of those      
earthly brides who are ever looking for 
gifts from their bridegrooms1 or seeking
 to catch the loving smile which fills  
them with delight4  ,thrse1 the little  
,spouse of ,jesus1 loves ,him for       
,himself2 she only looks on the ,face of
 her ,beloved to catch a glimpse of the 
,tears which delight her with their     
secret charm4 ,she longs to wipe away   
those ,tears1 or to gather them up like 
priceless diamonds with which to adorn  
her bridal dress4 ,jesus6 4 4 4 ,oh6 ,i 
would so love ,him6 ,love ,him as ,he   
has never yet been loved6 4 4 4  ,at all
 cost ,i must win the palm of ,st4      

,agnes2 if it cannot be mine through    
blood1 ,i must win it by ,love4   ,v    
#ahia4  ,love can take the place of a   
long life4 ,jesus does not consider     
time1 for ,he is ,eternal4 ,he only     
looks at the love4 ,my little ,mother1  
beg ,him to bestow it upon me in full   
measure4 ,i do not desire that thrill of
 love which ,i can feel2 if ,jesus feel 
its thrill1 then that is enough for me4 
,it is so sweet to love ,him1 to make   
,him loved4 ,ask ,him to take me to ,him
 on my profession-day1 if by living on  
,i should ever offend ,him1 because ,i  
wish to bear unsullied to ,heaven the   
white robe of my second ,baptism4#a ,now
 ,jesus can grant me the grace never to 
offend ,him more1 or rather never to    
commit any faults but those which do not
 offend ,him or give ,him pain2 faults  
which serve but to humble me and        
strengthen my love4 ,there is no one to 
lean on apart from ,jesus4 ,he alone    
faileth not1 and it is exceeding joy to 
think that ,he can never change4   ,,vi 

#ahia4  ,,my ,,dearest ,,little         
,,mother1--,your letter has done me such
 good4 ,the sentence3 ,let us refrain   
from saying a word which could raise us 
in the eyes of others1 has indeed       
enlightened my soul4 ,yes1 we must keep 
all for ,jesus with jealous care4 ,it is
 so good to work for ,him alone4 ,how it
 fills the heart with joy1 and lends    
wings to the soul6 ,ask of ,jesus that  
,thrse--,his grain of sand--may save    
,him a multitude of souls in a short    
space of time1 so that she may the      
sooner behold ,his ,adorable ,face4     
,,vii  #ahib4  ,here is the dream of    
this grain of sand3 ,love ,jesus alone1 
and naught else beside6 ,the grain of   
sand is so small that if it wished to   
open its heart to any other but ,jesus1 
there would no longer be room for this  
,beloved4  ,what happiness to be so     
entirely hidden that no one gives us a  
thought--to be unknown even to those    
with whom we live6 ,my little ,mother1  
,i long to be unknown to everyone of    

,god's creatures6 ,i have never desired 
glory amongst men1 and if their contempt
 used to attract my heart1 ,i have      
realized that even this is too glorious 
for me1 and ,i thirst to be forgotten4  
,the ,glory of ,jesus--this is my sole  
ambition4 ,i abandon my glory to ,him2  
and if ,he seem to forget me1 well1 ,he 
is free to do so since ,i am no longer  
my own1 but ,his4 ,he will weary sooner 
of making me wait than ,i shall of      
waiting4   ,,viii  ,one day when ,soeur 
,thrse was suffering acutely from       
feverishness1 one of the ,sisters urged 
her to help in a difficult piece of     
painting4 ,for a moment ,thrse's        
countenance betrayed an inward struggle1
 which did not escape the notice of     
,mother ,agnes of ,jesus4 ,that same    
evening ,thrse wrote her the following  
letter4  ,may #bh1 #ahig4  ,,my         
,,dearest ,,mother1--,i have just been  
shedding sweet tears--tears of          
repentance1 but still more of           
thankfulness and love4 ,to-day ,i showed

 you the treasure of my patience1 and   
how virtuous ,i am--,i who preach so    
well to others6 ,i am glad that you have
 seen my want of perfection4 ,you did   
not scold me1 and yet ,i deserved it4   
,but at all times your gentleness speaks
 to me more forcibly than would severe  
words4 ,to me you are the image of      
,god's ,mercy4  ,sister ,n41 on the     
contrary1 is more often the image of    
,god's severity4 ,well1 ,i have just met
 her1 and1 instead of passing me coldly 
by1 she embraced me and said3 ,poor     
little ,sister1 ,i am so sorry 4 4 4 ,i 
do not want to tire you2 it was wrong of
 me to ask your help2 leave the work    
alone4 ,in my heart ,i felt perfect     
sorrow1 and ,i was much surprised to    
escape all blame4 ,i know she must      
really deem me imperfect4 ,she spoke in 
this way because she thinks ,i am soon  
to die4 ,however that may be1 ,i have   
heard nothing but kind and tender words 
from her2 and so ,i consider her most   
kind1 and myself an unamiable creatures4

  ,when ,i returned to our cell1 ,i was 
wondering what ,jesus thought1 when all 
at once ,i remembered ,his words to the 
woman taken in adultery3 ,hath no man   
condemned thee8#b ,with tears in my     
eyes1 ,i answered ,him3 ,no one1 ,lord1 
4 4 4 neither my little ,mother--the    
image of ,thy ,mercy--nor ,sister ,n41  
the image of ,thy ,justice4 ,i feel that
 ,i can go in peace1 because neither    
wilt ,thou condemn me4  ,i confess ,i am
 much happier because of my weakness    
than if--sustained by grace--,i had been
 a model of patience4 ,it does me so    
much good to see that ,jesus is always  
sweet and tender towards me4 ,truly it  
is enough to make me die of grateful    
love4  ,my little ,mother1 you will     
understand how this evening the vessel  
of ,god's ,mercy has overflowed for your
 child4 4 4 4 ,even now ,i know it6     
,yea1 all my hopes will be fulfilled 4 4
 4  ,,verily ,,the ,,lord ,,will ,,work 
,,wonders ,,for ,,me1 ,,and ,,they      
,,will ,,infinitely ,,surpass ,,my      

,,boundless ,,desires4   #a ,soeur      
,thrse here alludes to the probable     
opinion of theologians that--as in      
,baptism--all stain of sin is removed   
and all temporal punishment for sin     
remitted1 by the vows taken on the day  
of religious profession4 ,ed4  #b ,john 
#h3aj4     ,,letters ,,to ,,sister      
,,mary ,,of ,,the ,,sacred ,,heart   ,i 
,february #ba1 #ahhh4  ,,my ,,dear      
,,marie1--,you cannot think what a      
lovely present ,papa made me last week2 
,i believe if ,i gave you a hundred or  
even a thousand guesses you would never 
find out what it was4 ,well1 my dear    
,father bought me a new-born lamb1 all  
white and fleecy4 ,he said that before  
,i entered the ,carmel he wanted me to  
have this pleasure4 ,we were all        
delighted1 especially ,cline4 ,what     
touched me more than anything was       
,papa's thoughtfulness4 ,besides1 a lamb
 is symbolic1 and it made me think of   
,pauline4  ,so far1 so good1 but now for
 the sequel4 ,we were already building  

castles in the air1 and expected that in
 two or three days the lamb would be    
frisking round us4 ,but the pretty      
creature died that same afternoon4 ,poor
 little thing1 scarcely was it born when
 it suffered and died4 ,it looked so    
gentle and innocent that ,cline made a  
sketch of it1 and then we laid it in a  
grave dug by ,papa4 ,it appeared to be  
asleep4 ,i did not want the earth to be 
its covering1 so we put snow upon our   
pet1 and all was over4  ,you do not     
know1 dearest ,godmother1 how this      
little creature's death has made me     
reflect4 ,clearly we must not become    
attached to anything1 no matter how     
innocent1 because it will slip from our 
grasp when least expected2 nothing but  
the eternal can content us4   ,,ii      
7,written during her retreat before     
receiving the habit47  ,january #h1     
#ahhi4  ,your little ,lamb--as you love 
to call me1 dearest sister--would borrow
 from you some strength and courage4 ,i 
cannot speak to ,our ,lord1 and ,he is  

silent too4 ,pray that my retreat may be
 pleasing to the ,heart of ,him ,who    
alone reads the secrets of the soul4    
,life is full of sacrifice1 it is true1 
but why seek happiness here8 ,for life  
is but a night to be spent in a wretched
 inn1 as our holy ,mother ,st4 ,teresa  
says4 ,i assure you my heart thirsts    
ardently for happiness1 but ,i see      
clearly that no creature can quench that
 thirst4 ,on the contrary1 the oftener  
,i would drink from these seductive     
waters the more burning will my thirst  
become4 ,i know a source where they that
 drink shall yet thirst1#a but with a   
delicious thirst1 a thirst one can      
always allay4 4 4 4 ,that source is the 
suffering known to ,jesus only4   ,,iii 
,august #ad1 #ahhi4  ,you ask for a word
 from your little ,lamb4 ,but what shall
 ,i say8 ,is it not you who have taught 
me8 ,remember those days when ,i sat    
upon your knee1 and you talked to me of 
,heaven4  ,i can still hear you say3    
,look at those who want to become rich1 

and see how they toil to obtain money4  
,now1 my little ,thrse1 through every   
moment of the day and with far less     
trouble1 we can lay up riches in        
,heaven4 ,diamonds are so plentiful1 we 
can gather them together as with a rake1
 and we do this by performing all our   
actions for the love of ,god4 ,then ,i  
would leave you1 my heart overflowing   
with joy1 and fully bent on amassing    
great wealth4  ,time has flown since    
those happy hours spent together in our 
dear nest4 ,jesus has visited us1 and   
has found us worthy to be tried in the  
crucible of suffering4 ,god has said    
that on the last day ,he will wipe away 
all tears from our eyes1#b and no doubt 
the more tears there are to dry1 the    
greater will be the happiness4  ,pray   
to-morrow for the little one who owes   
you her upbringing1 and who1 without    
you1 might never have come to the       
,carmel4   ,,iv  7,during her retreat   
before profession7  ,september #d1      
#ahij4  ,the heavenly music falls but   

faintly on the ear of your child1 and it
 has been a dreary journey towards her  
,bridal ,day4 ,it is true her ,betrothed
 has led her through fertile lands and  
gorgeous scenery1 but the dark night has
 prevented her admiring1 much less      
revelling in1 the beauty all around4    
,perhaps you think this grieved her4    
,oh1 no6 she is happy to follow her     
,betrothed for ,his own sake1 and not   
for the sake of ,his gifts4 ,he is so   
ravishingly beautiful1 even when        
silent--even when concealed4 ,weary of  
earthly consolation1 your little child  
wishes for her ,beloved alone4 ,i       
believe that the work of ,jesus during  
this retreat has been to detach me from 
everything but ,himself4 ,my only       
comfort is the exceeding strength and   
peace that is mine4 ,besides1 ,i hope to
 be just what ,he wills ,i should be1   
and in this lies all my happiness4  ,did
 you but know how great is my joy at    
giving pleasure to ,jesus through being 
utterly deprived of all joy6 4 4 4 4    

,truly this is the very refinement of   
all joy--joy we do not feel4   ,v       
,september #g1 #ahij4  ,to-morrow ,i    
shall be the ,spouse of ,jesus1 of ,him 
,whose look was as it were hidden and   
despised4#c ,what a future this alliance
 opens up6 ,how can ,i thank ,him1 how  
render myself less unworthy of so great 
a favour8  ,i thirst after ,heaven1 that
 blessed abode where our love for ,jesus
 will be without bounds4 ,true1 we must 
pass through suffering and tears to     
reach that home1 but ,i wish to suffer  
all that my ,beloved is pleased to send 
me2 ,i wish to let ,him do as ,he wills 
with ,his little ball4 ,you tell me1    
dearest ,godmother1 that my ,holy ,child
 is beautifully adorned for my          
wedding-day2#d perhaps1 however1 you    
wonder why ,i have not put new          
rose-coloured candles4 ,the old ones    
appeal to me more because they were     
lighted for the first time on my        
clothing-day4 ,they were then fresh and 
of rosy hue4 ,papa had given them to me2

 he was there1 and all was joyful4 ,but 
now their tint has faded4 ,are there yet
 any rose-coloured joys on earth for    
your little ,thrse8 ,no1 for her there  
are only heavenly joys2 joys where the  
hollowness of all things gives place to 
the ,uncreated ,reality4   ,,vi  ,,my   
,,dearest ,,sister1--,i do not find it  
difficult to answer you4 4 4 4 ,how can 
you ask me if it be possible for you to 
love ,god as ,i love ,him6 ,my desire   
for martyrdom is as nothing2 it is not  
to that ,i owe the boundless confidence 
that fills my heart4 ,such desires might
 be described as spiritual riches1 which
 are the unjust mammon1#e when one is   
complacent in them as in something      
great4 4 4 4 ,these aspirations are a   
consolation ,jesus sometimes grants to  
weak souls like mine--and there are many
 such6 ,but when ,he withholds this     
consolation1 it is a special grace4     
,remember these words of a holy monk3   
,the martyrs suffered with joy1 and the 
,king of ,martyrs in sorrow4 ,did not   

,jesus cry out3 ,my father1 remove this 
chalice from ,me8#f ,do not think1 then1
 that my desires are a proof of my love4
 ,indeed ,i know well that it is        
certainly not these desires which make  
,god take pleasure in my soul4 ,what    
does please ,him is to find me love my  
littleness1 my poverty3 it is the blind 
trust which ,i have in ,his ,mercy4 4 4 
4 ,there is my sole treasure1 dearest   
,godmother1 and why should it not be    
yours8  ,are you not ready to suffer all
 that ,god wills8 ,assuredly2 and so if 
you wish to know joy and to love        
suffering1 you are really seeking your  
own consolation1 because once we love1  
all suffering disappears4 ,verily1 if we
 were to go together to martyrdom1 you  
would gain great merit1 and ,i should   
have none1 unless it pleased ,our ,lord 
to change my dispositions4  ,dear       
sister1 do you not understand that to   
love ,jesus and to be ,his ,victim of   
,love1 the more weak and wretched we are
 the better material do we make for this

 consuming and transfiguring ,love8 4 4 
4 ,the simple desire to be a ,victim    
suffices1 but we must also consent to   
ever remain poor and helpless1 and here 
lies the difficulty3 ,where shall we    
find one that is truly poor in spirit8  
,we must seek him afar off1 says the    
author of the ,imitation4#g ,he does not
 say that we must search among great    
souls1 but afar off--that is to say1 in 
abasement and in nothingness4 ,let us   
remain far from all that dazzles1 loving
 our littleness1 and content to have no 
joy4 ,then we shall be truly poor in    
spirit1 and ,jesus will come to seek us 
however far off we may be1 and transform
 us into flames of ,love4 4 4 4 ,i long 
to make you understand what ,i feel4    
,confidence alone must lead us to ,love4
 4 4 4 ,does not fear lead to the       
thought of the strict justice that is   
threatened to sinners8 ,but that is not 
the justice ,jesus will show to such as 
love ,him4  ,god would not vouchsafe you
 the desire to be the ,victim of ,his   

,merciful ,love1 were this not a favour 
in store--or rather already granted1    
since you are wholly surrendered unto   
,him and long to be consumed by ,him1   
and ,god never inspires a longing which 
,he cannot fulfill4  ,the road lies     
clear1 and along it we must run         
together4 ,i feel that ,jesus wishes to 
bestow on us the same graces2 ,he wishes
 to grant us both a free entrance into  
,his ,heavenly ,kingdom4 ,dearest       
,godmother1 you would like to hear still
 more of the secrets which ,jesus       
confides to your child1 but human speech
 cannot tell what the human heart itself
 can scarcely conceive4 ,besides1 ,jesus
 confides ,his secrets to you likewise4 
,this ,i know1 for you it was who taught
 me to listen to ,his ,divine teaching4 
,on the day of my ,baptism you promised 
in my name that ,i would serve ,him     
alone4 ,you were the ,angel who led me  
and guided me in my days of exile and   
offered me to ,our ,lord4 ,as a child   
loves its mother1 ,i love you2 in       

,heaven only will you realise the       
gratitude with which my heart is full to
 overflowing4  ,your little daughter1   
,teresa of the ,child ,jesus4   #a      
,eccles4 #bd3bi4  #b ,apoc4 #ba3d4  #c  
,isa4 #ec3c4  #d ,she alludes to the    
,statue of the ,holy ,child in the      
cloister1 which was under her own       
special care4 ,ed4  #e ,luke #af3b4  #f 
,luke #bb3db4  #g ,cf4 ,imit41 ,,ii1 xi4
 #d4     ,,letters ,,to ,,sister        
,,frances ,,teresa#a   ,i  ,august #ac1 
#ahic4  ,,dear ,,little ,,sister1--,at  
last your desires are satisfied4 ,like  
the dove sent forth from the ark1 you   
have been unable to find a spot on earth
 whereon to rest1 and have long been on 
the wing seeking to re-enter the blessed
 abode where your heart had for ever    
fixed its home4 ,jesus has kept you     
waiting1 but at last1 touched by the    
plaintive cry of ,his dove1 ,he has put 
forth ,his ,divine ,hand1 and1 taking   
hold of it1 has set it in ,his          
,heart--that sanctuary of ,his ,love4   

,it is quite a spiritual joy1 this joy  
of mine4 ,for ,i shall never look upon  
you again1 never hear your voice as ,i  
outpour my heart into yours4 ,yet ,i    
know that earth is but a halting-place  
to us who journey towards a ,heavenly   
,home4 ,what matter if the routes we    
follow lie apart8 ,our goal is the      
same--that ,heaven where we shall meet1 
no more to be separated4 ,there we shall
 taste for ever the sweets of our       
earthly home4 ,we shall have much to    
tell one another when this exile is     
ended4 ,speech here below is so         
inadequate1 but a single glance will be 
enough for perfect understanding in our 
home beyond2 and ,i believe that our    
happiness will be greater than if we had
 never been parted here4  ,meanwhile we 
must live by sacrifice4 ,without it     
there would be no merit in the religious
 life4 ,as someone told us in a         
conference3 ,the reason why the forest  
oak raises its head so high is because1 
hemmed in on all sides1 it wastes no sap

 in putting forth branches underneath1  
but towers aloft4 ,thus in the religious
 life the soul1 hedged in all around by 
the rule and by the practice of         
community life1 of necessity finds there
 a means of lifting a high head towards 
,heaven4  ,dearest sister1 pray for your
 little ,thrse that she may draw profit 
from her exile on earth and from the    
plentiful means granted her of meriting 
,heaven4   ,,ii  ,january1 #ahie4       
,,dear ,,little ,,sister1--,how fruitful
 for ,heaven has been the year that is  
gone6 4 4 4 ,our dear ,father has seen  
that which the eye of man cannot see1 he
 has heard the minstrelsy of the angels 
4 4 4 now his heart understands1 and his
 soul enjoys the things which ,god hath 
prepared for those who love ,him4#b 4 4 
4 ,our turn will come1 and it is full   
sweet to think our sails are set towards
 the ,eternal ,shore4  ,do you not find1
 as ,i do1 that our beloved ,father's   
death has drawn us nearer to ,heaven8   
,more than half of our loved ones       

already enjoy the ,vision of ,god1 and  
the five who remain in exile will follow
 soon4 ,this thought of the shortness of
 life gives me courage1 and helps me to 
put up with the weariness of the        
journey4 ,what matters a little toil    
upon earth8 ,we pass 4 4 4 ,we have not 
here a lasting city4#c  ,think of your  
,thrse during this month consecrated to 
the ,infant ,jesus1 and beg of ,him that
 she may always remain a very little    
child4 ,i will offer the same prayer for
 you1 because ,i know your desires1 and 
that humility is your favourite virtue4 
,which ,thrse will be the more fervent8 
4 4 4 ,she who will be the more humble1 
the more closely united to ,jesus1 and  
the more faithful in making love the    
mainspring of every action4 ,we must not
 let slip one single occasion of        
sacrifice1 everything has such value in 
the religious life 4 4 4 ,pick up a pin 
from a motive of love1 and you may      
thereby convert a soul4 ,jesus alone can
 make our deeds of such worth1 so let us

 love ,him with every fibre of our      
heart4   ,,iii  ,july #ab1 #ahif4  ,,my 
,,dear ,,little ,l,,onie1--,i should    
have answered your letter last ,sunday  
if it had been given to me1 but you know
 that1 being the youngest1 ,i run the   
risk of not seeing letters for some     
considerable time after my sisters1 and 
occasionally not at all4 ,i only read   
yours on ,friday1 so forgive my delay4  
,you are right--,jesus is content with a
 tender look or a sigh of love4 ,for my 
part1 ,i find it quite easy to practise 
perfection1 now that ,i realise it only 
means making ,jesus captive through ,his
 ,heart4 ,look at a little child who has
 just vexed its mother1 either by giving
 way to temper or by disobedience4 ,if  
it hides in a corner and is sulky1 or if
 it cries for fear of being punished1   
its mother will certainly not forgive   
the fault4 ,but should it run to her    
with its little arms outstreteched1 and 
say2 ,kiss me1 ,mother2 ,i will not do  
it again6 what mother would not         

straightway clasp her child lovingly to 
her heart1 and forget all it had done8 4
 4 4 ,she knows quite well that her     
little one will repeat the fault--no    
matter1 her darling will escape all     
punishment so long as it makes appeal to
 her heart4  ,even when the law of fear 
was in force1 before ,our ,lord's       
coming1 the prophet ,isaias             
said--speaking in the name of the ,king 
of ,heaven3 ,can a woman forget her     
babe8 4 4 4 ,and if she should forget1  
yet will ,i not forget thee4#d ,what a  
touching promise6 ,we who live under the
 law of ,love1 shall we not profit by   
the loving advances made by our ,spouse8
 ,how can anybody fear ,him ,who allows 
,himself to be made captive with one    
hair of our neck8#e  ,let us learn to   
keep ,him prisoner--this ,god1 the      
,divine ,beggar of love4 ,by telling us 
that a single hair can work this wonder1
 ,he shows us that the smallest actions 
done for ,his ,love are those which     
charm ,his ,heart4 ,if it were necessary

 to do great things1 we should be       
deserving of pity1 but we are happy     
beyond measure1 because ,jesus lets     
,himself be led captive by the smallest 
action4 4 4 4 ,with you1 dear ,lonie1   
little sacrifices are never lacking4 ,is
 not your life made up of them8 ,i      
rejoice to see you in presence of such  
wealth1 especially when ,i remember that
 you know how to make profit thereby1   
not only for yourself but likewise for  
poor sinners4 ,it is so sweet to help   
,jesus to save the souls which ,he has  
ransomed at the price of ,his ,precious 
,blood1 and which only await our help to
 keep them from the abyss4  ,it seems to
 me that if our sacrifices take ,jesus  
captive1 our joys make ,him prisoner    
too4 ,all that is needful to attain this
 end is1 that instead of giving         
ourselves over to selfish happiness1 we 
offer to our ,spouse the little joys ,he
 scatters in our path1 to charm our     
hearts and draw them towards ,him4  ,you
 ask for news of my health4 ,well1 my   

cough has quite disappeared4 ,does that 
please you8 ,it will not prevent ,our   
,lord from taking me to ,himself        
whensoever ,he wishes4 ,and ,i need not 
prepare for that journey1 since my whole
 endeavour is to remain as a little     
child4 ,jesus ,himself must pay all its 
expenses1 as well as the price of my    
admission to ,heaven4  ,good-bye1       
dearest one1 pray to ,him without fail  
for the last and least of your sisters4 
,,iv  ,july #ag1 #ahig4  ,,my ,,dear    
,l,,onie1--,i am so pleased to be able  
to write to you again4 ,some days ago ,i
 thought ,i should never again have this
 consolation1 but it seems ,god wishes  
to prolong somewhat the time of my      
exile4 ,this does not trouble me--,i    
would not enter ,heaven one moment      
sooner through my own will4 ,the only   
real happiness on earth is to strive    
always to think how goodly is the       
chalice#f that ,jesus give us4 ,yours is
 indeed a goodly one1 dear ,lonie4 ,if  
you wish to be a ,saint--and it will not

 be hard--keep only one end in view3    
give pleasure to ,jesus1 and bind       
yourself more closely to ,him4          
,good-bye1 my dear sister1 ,i should    
wish the thought of my entering ,heaven 
to fill you with joy1 because ,i shall  
then be better able to give you proof of
 my tender love4 ,in the ,heart of our  
,heavenly ,spouse we shall live ,his    
very life1 and through eternity ,i shall
 remain1  ,your very little sister1     
,,teresa ,,of ,,the ,,child ,,jesus4    
#a ,nearly all the letters written by   
,soeur ,thrse to her sister ,lonie are  
lost4 ,these few have been recovered4   
,it will be remembered that ,lonie      
entered the ,convent of the ,visitation 
at ,caen4 ,see note1 page #aac4  #b ,cf4
 ,i ,cor4 #b3i4  #c ,heb4 #ac3ad4  #d   
,isa4 #di3ae4  #e ,cant4 #d3i4  #f ,ps4 
#bbbc3e4     ,,letters ,,to ,,her       
,,cousin ,,marie ,,gu,,rin   ,i  #ahhh4 
,before you confided in me1#a ,i felt   
you were suffering1 and my heart was one
 with yours4 ,since you have the        

humility to ask advice of your little   
,thrse1 this is what she thinks3 you    
have grieved me greatly by abstaining   
from ,holy ,communion1 because you have 
grieved ,our ,lord4 ,the devil must be  
very cunning to deceive a soul in this  
way4 ,do you not know1 dear ,marie1 that
 by acting thus you help him to         
accomplish his end8 ,the treacherous    
creature knows quite well that when a   
soul is striving to belong wholly to    
,god he cannot cause her to sin1 so he  
merely tries to persuade her that she   
has sinned4 ,this is a considerable     
gain1 but not enough to satisfy his     
hatred1 so he aims at something more1   
and tries to shut out ,jesus from a     
tabernacle which ,jesus covets4 ,unable 
to enter this sanctuary himself1 he     
wishes that at least it remain empty and
 without its ,god4 ,alas1 what will     
become of that poor little heart8 ,when 
the devil has succeeded in keeping a    
soul from ,holy ,communion he has gained
 all his ends 4 4 4 while ,jesus weeps6 

4 4 4  ,remember1 little ,marie1 that   
this sweet ,jesus is there in the       
,tabernacle expressly for you and you   
alone4 ,remember that ,he burns with the
 desire to enter your heart4 ,do not    
listen to satan4 ,laugh him to scorn1   
and go without fear to receive ,jesus1  
the ,god of peace and of love4  ,thrse  
thinks all this--you say--because she   
does not know my difficulties4 ,she does
 know1 and knows them well2 she         
understands everything1 and she tells   
you confidently that you can go without 
fear to receive your only true ,friend4 
,she1 too1 has passed through the       
martyrdom of scruples1 but ,jesus gave  
her the grace to receive the ,blessed   
,sacrament always1 even when she        
imagined she had committed great sins4  
,i assure you ,i have found that this is
 the only means of ridding oneself of   
the devil4 ,when he sees that he is     
losing his time he leaves us in peace4  
,in truth it is impossible that a heart 
which can only find rest in             

contemplation of the ,tabernacle--and   
yours is such1 you tell me--could so far
 offend ,our ,lord as not to be able to 
receive ,him 4 4 4 ,what does offend    
,jesus1 what wounds ,him to the ,heart1 
is want of confidence4  ,pray much that 
the best portion of your life may not be
 overshadowed by idle fears4 ,we have   
only life's brief moments to spend for  
the ,glory of ,god1 and well does satan 
know it4 ,this is why he employs every  
ruse to make us consume them in useless 
labour4 ,dear sister1 go often to ,holy 
,communion1 go very often--that is your 
one remedy4   ,,ii  #ahid  ,you are like
 some little village maiden who1 when   
sought in marriage by a mighty king     
would not dare to accept him1 on the    
plea that she is not rich enough1 and is
 strange to the ways of a court4 ,but   
does not her royal lover know better    
than she does1 the extent of her poverty
 and ignorance8  ,marie1 though you are 
nothing1 do not forget that ,jesus is   
,all4 ,you have only to lose your own   

nothingness in that ,infinite ,all1 and 
thenceforth to think only of that ,all  
who alone is worthy of your love4  ,you 
tell me you wish to see the fruit of    
your efforts4 ,that is exactly what     
,jesus would hide from you4 ,he likes to
 contemplate by ,himself these little   
fruits of our virtue4 ,they console     
,him4  ,you are quite wrong1 ,marie1 if 
you think that ,thrse walks eagerly     
along the way of ,sacrifice3 her        
weakness is still very great1 and every 
day some new and wholesome experience   
brings this home more clearly4 ,yet     
,jesus delights to teach her how to     
glory in her infirmities4#b ,it is a    
great grace1 and ,i pray ,him to give it
 to you1 for with it come peace and     
tranquillity of heart4 ,when we see our 
misery we do not like to look at        
ourselves but only upon our ,beloved4   
,you ask me for a method of obtaining   
perfection4 ,i know of ,love--and ,love 
only6 ,our hearts are made for this     
alone4 ,sometimes ,i endeavour to find  

some other word for love2 but in a land 
of exile words which have a beginning   
and an end#c are quite unable to render 
adequately the emotions of the soul1 and
 so we must keep to the one simple      
word--,,love4  ,but on whom shall our   
poor hearts lavish this love1 and who   
will be worthy of this treasure8 ,is    
there anyone who will understand it     
and--above all--is there anyone who will
 be able to repay8 ,marie1 ,jesus alone 
understands love3 ,he alone can give    
back all--yea1 infinitely more than the 
utmost we can give4   #a ,the allusion  
is to the scruples from which ,marie    
suffered4 ,having read this             
letter--which is a strong plea for      
,frequent ,communion--,pope ,pius ,x    
declared it most opportune4 ,thrse was  
but fifteen when she wrote it4 ,ed4  #b 
#b ,cor4 #aa3e4  #c ,st4 ,augustine4    
,,letter ,,to ,,her ,,cousin1 ,,jeanne  
,,gu,,rin 7,,madame ,,la ,n,,ele7       
,august1 #ahie4  ,it is a very great    
sacrifice that ,god has asked of you1 my

 dear ,jeanne1 in calling your little   
,marie to the ,carmel2 but remember that
 ,he has promised a hundredfold to      
anyone who for ,his ,love hath left     
father or mother or sister4#a ,now1 for 
love of ,jesus1 you have not hesitated  
to part with a sister dearer to you than
 words can say1 and therefore ,he is    
bound to keep ,his promise4 ,i know that
 these words are generally applied to   
those who enter the religious life1 but 
my heart tells me they were spoken1 too1
 for those whose generosity is such that
 they will sacrifice to ,god even the   
loved ones they hold dearer than life   
itself4   #a ,mark #aj3cj4     ,,letters
 ,,to ,,her ,,brother ,,missionaries    
,i  #ahie4  ,our ,divine ,lord asks no  
sacrifice beyond our strength4 ,at      
times1 it is true1 ,he makes us taste to
 the full the bitterness of the chalice 
,he puts to our lips4 ,and when ,he     
demands the sacrifice of all that is    
dearest on earth1 it is impossible      
without a very special grace not to cry 

out as ,he did during ,his ,agony in the
 ,garden3 ,my ,father1 let this chalice 
pass from me6 ,but we must hasten to    
add3 ,yet not as ,i will1 but as ,thou  
wilt4#a ,it is so consoling to think    
that ,jesus1 the ,strong ,god1#b has    
felt all our weaknesses and shuddered at
 the sight of the bitter chalice--that  
very chalice ,he had so ardently        
desired4  ,your lot is indeed a         
beautiful one1 since ,our ,lord has     
chosen it for you1 and has first touched
 with ,his own ,lips the cup which ,he  
holds out to yours4 ,a ,saint has said3 
,the greatest honour ,god can bestow    
upon a soul is not to give to it great  
things1 but to ask of it great things4  
,jesus treats you as a privileged child4
 ,it is ,his wish you should begin your 
mission even now1#c and save souls      
through the ,cross4 ,was it not by      
suffering and death that ,he ransomed   
the world8 ,i know that you aspire to   
the happiness of laying down your life  
for ,him2 but the martyrdom of the heart

 is not less fruitful than the shedding 
of blood1 and this martyrdom is already 
yours4 ,have ,i not1 then1 good reason  
to say that your lot is a beautiful     
one--worthy an apostle of ,christ8      
,,ii  #ahif4  ,let us work together for 
the salvation of souls6 ,we have but the
 one day of this life to save them1 and 
so give to ,our ,lord a proof of our    
love4 ,to-morrow will be ,eternity1 then
 ,jesus will reward you a hundredfold   
for the sweet joys you have given up for
 ,him4 ,he knows the extent of your     
sacrifice4 ,he knows that the sufferings
 of those you hold dear increase your   
own2 but ,he has suffered this same     
martyrdom for our salvation4 ,he1 too1  
left ,his ,mother2 ,he beheld that      
sinless ,virgin standing at the foot of 
the ,cross1 her heart pierced through   
with a sword of sorrow1 and ,i hope he  
will console your own dear mother4 4 4 4
 ,i beg ,him most earnestly to do so4   
,ah6 ,if the ,divine ,master would      
permit those you are about to leave for 

,his ,love but one glimpse of the glory 
in store1 and the vast retinue of souls 
that will escort you to ,heaven1 already
 they would be repaid for the great     
sacrifice that is at hand4   ,,iii      
,february #bd1 #ahif4  ,please say this 
little prayer for me each day2 it sums  
up all my desires3  ,merciful ,father1  
in the name of ,thy sweet ,jesus1 of the
 ,blessed ,virgin1 and all the ,saints1 
,i beg ,thee to consume my sister with  
,thy spirit of love1 and to grant her   
the grace to make ,thee greatly loved4  
,if ,our ,lord takes me soon to         
,himself1 ,i ask you still to continue  
this prayer1 because my longing will be 
the same in ,heaven as upon earth3 to   
love ,jesus and to make ,him loved4     
,,iv  4   4   4   4   4   4   4  ,all ,i
 desire is ,god's ,holy ,will1 and if in
 ,heaven ,i could no longer work for    
,his glory1 ,i should prefer exile to   
,home4   ,v  ,june #ba1 #ahig  ,you may 
well sing of the ,mercies of ,god6 ,they
 shine forth in you with splendour4 ,you

 love ,st4 ,augustine and ,st4 ,mary    
,magdalen1 those souls to whom many sins
 were forgiven because they loved much4 
,i love them too2 ,i love their sorrow1 
and especially their audacious love4    
,when ,i see ,mary ,magdalen come forth 
before all ,simon's guests to wash with 
her tears her ,master's ,feet--those    
,feet that for the first time she       
touches--,i feel her heart has fathomed 
that abyss of love and mercy1 the ,heart
 of ,jesus2 and ,i feel1 too1 that not  
only was ,he willing to forgive1 but    
even liberally to dispense the favours  
of a ,divine and intimate friendship1   
and to raise her to the loftiest heights
 of prayer4  ,my ,brother1 since ,i also
 have been given to understand the ,love
 of the ,heart of ,jesus1 ,i confess    
that all fear has been driven from mine4
 ,the remembrance of my faults humbles  
me2 and it helps me never to rely upon  
my own strength--which is but           
weakness--but more than all1 it speaks  
to me of mercy and of love4 ,when a soul

 with childlike trust casts her faults  
into ,love's all-devouring furnace1 how 
shall they escape being utterly         
consumed8  ,i know that many ,saints    
have passed their lives in the practice 
of amazing penance for the sake of      
expiating their sins4 ,but what of that8
 ,in my ,father's house there are many  
mansions4#d ,these are the words of     
,jesus1 and therefore ,i follow the path
 ,he marks out for me2 ,i try to be     
nowise concerned about myself and what  
,jesus deigns to accomplish in my soul4 
,,vi  #ahig4  ,on this earth where      
everything changes1 one thing alone does
 never change--our ,heavenly ,king's    
treatment of ,his friends4 ,from the day
 ,he raised the standard of the ,cross1 
in its shadow all must fight and win4   
,the life of every missionary abounds in
 crosses1 said ,thophane ,vnard4 ,and   
again3 ,true happiness consists in      
suffering1 and in order to live we must 
die4  ,rejoice1 my ,brother1 that the   
first efforts of your ,apostolate are   

stamped with the seal of the ,cross4    
,far more by suffering and by           
persecution than by eloquent discourses 
does ,jesus wish to build up ,his       
,kingdom4  ,you are still--you tell     
me--a little child who cannot speak4    
,neither could ,father ,mazel1 who was  
ordained with you1 and yet he has       
already won the palm 4 4 4 ,far beyond  
our thoughts are the thoughts of ,god6  
,when ,i learnt that this young         
missionary had died before he had set   
foot on the field of his labours1 ,i    
felt myself drawn to invoke him4 ,i     
seemed to see him amidst the glorious   
,martyr choir4 ,no doubt1 in the eyes of
 men he does not merit the title of     
,martyr1 but in the eyes of ,god this   
inglorious death is no less precious    
than the sacrifice of him who lays down 
his life for the ,faith4  ,though one   
must be exceeding pure before appearing 
in the sight of the ,all-,holy ,god1    
still ,i know that ,he is infinitely    
just1 and this very ,justice which      

terrifies so many souls is the source of
 all my confidence and joy4 ,justice is 
not only stern severity towards the     
guilty2 it takes account of the good    
intention1 and gives to virtue its      
reward4 ,indeed ,i hope as much from the
 ,justice of ,god as from ,his ,mercy4  
,it is because ,he is just1 that ,he is 
compassionate and merciful1             
longsuffering1 and plenteous in mercy4  
,for ,he knoweth our frame1 ,he         
remembereth that we are dust4 ,as a     
father hath compassion on his children1 
so hath the ,lord compassion on us4#e   
,o my ,brother1 after these beautiful   
and consoling words of the ,royal       
,prophet1 how can we doubt ,god's power 
to open the gates of ,his ,kingdom to   
,his children who have loved ,him unto  
perfect sacrifice1 who have not only    
left home and country so as to make ,him
 known and loved1 but even long to lay  
down their lives for ,him8 4 4 4 ,jesus 
said truly there is no greater love than
 this4 ,nor will ,he be outdone in      

generosity4 ,how could ,he cleanse in   
the flames of ,purgatory souls consumed 
with the fire of ,divine ,love8  ,i have
 used many words to express my thought1 
and yet ,i fear ,i have failed4 ,what ,i
 wish to convey is1 that in my opinion  
all missionaries are ,martyrs by will   
and desire1 and not even one should pass
 through the purifying flames4  ,this1  
then1 is what ,i think about the        
,justice of ,god2 my own way is all     
confidence and love1 and ,i cannot      
understand those souls who are afraid of
 so affectionate a ,friend4 ,sometimes1 
when ,i read books in which perfection  
is put before us with the goal          
obstructed by a thousand obstacles1 my  
poor little head is quickly fatigued4 ,i
 close the learned treatise1 which tires
 my brain and dries up my heart1 and ,i 
turn to the ,sacred ,scriptures4 ,then  
all becomes clear and lightsome--a      
single word opens out infinite vistas1  
perfection appears easy1 and ,i see that
 it is enough to acknowledge our        

nothingness1 and like children surrender
 ourselves into the ,arms of the ,good  
,god4 ,leaving to great and lofty minds 
the beautiful books which ,i cannot     
understand1 still less put in practice1 
,i rejoice in my littleness because only
 little children and those who are like 
them shall be admitted to the ,heavenly 
banquet4#f ,fortunately--there are many 
mansions in my ,father's ,house3#g if   
there were only those--to               
me--incomprehensible mansions with their
 baffling roads1 ,i should certainly    
never enter there 4 4 4   ,,vii  ,july  
#ac1 #ahig4  ,your soul is too great to 
cling to the consolations of earth1 and 
even now its abode should be in ,heaven1
 for it is written3 ,where your treasure
 is1 there will your heart be also4#h   
,is not ,jesus your only treasure8 ,now 
that ,he is in ,heaven1 it is there your
 heart should dwell4 ,this sweet        
,saviour has long since forgotten your  
infidelities4 ,he sees only your longing
 after perfection1 and the sight makes  

glad ,his ,heart4  ,stay no longer at   
,his ,feet1 ,i beseech you1 but follow  
this first impulse to throw yourself    
into ,his ,arms4 ,your place is there1  
and ,i see clearly--more clearly than in
 your former letters--that all other    
heavenly route is barred to you save the
 way your little sister treads4  ,i hold
 with you when you say that the ,heart  
of ,jesus is more grieved by the        
thousand little imperfections of ,his   
friends than by the faults1 even grave1 
which ,his enemies commit4 ,yet it seems
 to me1 dear ,brother1 it is only when  
those who are ,his own are habitually   
guilty of want of thought1 and neglect  
to seek ,his pardon1 that ,he can say3  
,these ,wounds which you see in the     
midst of ,my ,hands1 ,i have received in
 the house of those who love ,me4#i ,but
 ,his ,heart thrills with you when ,he  
had to deal with all those who truly    
love1 and who after each little fault   
come to fling themselves into ,his ,arms
 imploring forgiveness4 ,he says to ,his

 ,angels what the prodigal's father said
 to his servants3 ,put a ring upon his  
finger1 and let us rejoice4#aj ,o       
,brother6 ,verily the ,divine ,heart's  
,goodness and ,merciful ,love are little
 known6 ,it is true that to enjoy these 
treasures we must humble ourselves1 must
 confess our nothingness 4 4 4 and here 
is where many a soul draws back4        
,,viii  #ahig4  ,what attracts me       
towards our ,heavenly ,home is the      
,master's call--the hope of loving ,him 
at last to the fulfilling of all my     
desire--the thought that ,i shall be    
able to win ,him the love of a multitude
 of souls1 who will bless ,him through  
all eternity4  ,i have never asked ,god 
that ,i might die young--that to me were
 a cowardly prayer2 but from my         
childhood ,he has deigned to inspire me 
with a strong conviction that my life   
would be a short one4  ,i feel we must  
tread the same road to ,heaven--the road
 of suffering and love4 ,when ,i myself 
have reached the port1 ,i will teach you

 how best to sail the world's           
tempestuous sea--with the               
self-abandonment of a child well aware  
of a father's love1 and of his vigilance
 in the hour of danger4  ,i long so much
 to make you understand the expectant   
love of the ,heart of ,jesus4 ,your last
 letter has made my own heart thrill    
sweetly4 ,i learnt how closely your soul
 is sister to mine1 since ,god calls    
that soul to mount to ,himself by the   
lift of love1 without climbing the steep
 stairway of fear4 ,i am not surprised  
you find it hard to be familiar with    
,jesus--one cannot become so in a day2  
but this ,i do know1 ,i shall aid you   
much more to tread this beautiful path  
when ,i lay aside the burden of this    
perishable body4 ,ere long you will     
exclaim with ,st4 ,augustine3 ,love is  
my lodestone6   ,,ix  ,july #bf1 #ahig4 
,when you read these few lines ,i shall 
perhaps be no more4 ,i know not the     
future2 yet ,i can confidently say that 
my ,spouse is at the door4 ,it would    

need a miracle to keep me in exile1 and 
,i do not think that ,jesus will work   
that miracle--,he does nothing that is  
of no avail4  ,brother1 ,i am so happy  
to die6 ,yes1 happy 4 4 4 not because ,i
 shall be free from suffering3 on the   
contrary1 suffering combined with love  
seems the one thing worthy of desire in 
this vale of tears2 but happy to die    
because far more than on earth ,i shall 
help the souls ,i hold dear4  ,jesus has
 always treated me as a spoilt child4 4 
4 4 ,it is true that ,his ,cross has    
been with me from the cradle1 but for   
that ,cross ,he has given me a          
passionate love 4 4 4   ,x  ,august #ad1
 #ahig4  ,i am about to go before ,god1 
and ,i understand now more than ever    
that one thing only is needful--to work 
for ,him alone1 and do nothing for self 
or creatures4 ,jesus wishes to own your 
heart completely4 ,before this can be1  
you will have much to suffer 4 4 4 but  
oh6 what joy when comes the happy hour  
of going ,home6 ,i shall not die--,i do 

but enter into ,life 4 4 4 and          
whatsoever ,i cannot tell you here upon 
earth ,i will make you understand from  
the heights of ,heaven4 4 4 4   #a      
,matt4 #bf3ci4  #b ,isa4 #i3f4  #c ,this
 letter and the following are addressed 
to a ,seminarist4 ,ed4  #d ,john #ad3b4 
#e ,ps4 #ajbajc3h1 #ad1 #ac4  #f ,cf4   
,matt4 #ai3ad4  #g ,john #ad3b4  #h     
,luke #ab3cd4  #i ,cf4 ,zach4 #ac3f4    
#aj ,cf4 ,luke #ae3bb4     ,,prayers    
,,of ,,soeur ,,th,r,,se1 ,,the ,,little 
,,flower ,,of ,,jesus     ,,an ,,act    
,,of ,,oblation ,,as ,a ,,victim ,,of   
,,divine ,,love  ,this ,prayer was found
 after the death of ,sister ,teresa of  
the ,child ,jesus and of the ,holy ,face
 in the copy of the ,gospels which she  
carried night and day close to her      
heart4  ,o my ,god1 ,o ,most ,blessed   
,trinity1 ,i desire to love ,thee and to
 make ,thee loved--to labour for the    
glory of ,holy ,church by saving souls  
here upon earth and by delivering those 
suffering in ,purgatory4 ,i desire to   

fulfill perfectly ,thy ,holy ,will1 and 
to reach the degree of glory ,thou hast 
prepared for me in ,thy ,kingdom4 ,in a 
word1 ,i wish to be holy1 but1 knowing  
how helpless ,i am1 ,i beseech ,thee1 my
 ,god1 to be ,thyself my holiness4      
,since ,thou hast loved me so much as to
 give me ,thy ,only-,begotten ,son to be
 my ,saviour and my ,spouse1 the        
infinite treasures of ,his merits are   
mine4 ,gladly do ,i offer them to ,thee1
 and ,i beg of ,thee to behold me only  
through the ,eyes of ,jesus1 and in ,his
 ,heart aflame with love4 ,moreover1 ,i 
offer ,thee all the merits of the       
,saints both of ,heaven and of earth1   
together with their acts of love1 and   
those of the holy ,angels4 ,lastly1 ,i  
offer ,thee1 ,o ,blessed ,trinity1 the  
love and the merits of the ,blessed     
,virgin1 my dearest ,mother--to her ,i  
commit this ,oblation1 praying her to   
present it to ,thee4  ,during the days  
of ,his life on earth her ,divine ,son1 
my sweet ,spouse1 spake these words3 ,if

 you ask the ,father anything in ,my    
,name1 ,he will give it you4#a          
,therefore ,i am certain ,thou wilt     
fulfill my longing4 ,o my ,god1 ,i know 
that the more ,thou wishest to bestow1  
the more ,thou dost make us desire4 ,in 
my heart ,i feel boundless desires1 and 
,i confidently beseech ,thee to take    
possession of my soul4 ,i cannot receive
 ,thee in ,holy ,communion as often as  
,i should wish2 but1 ,o ,lord1 art ,thou
 not all-powerful8 ,abide in me as ,thou
 dost in the ,tabernacle--never abandon 
,thy ,little ,victim4 ,i long to console
 ,thee for ungrateful sinners1 and ,i   
implore ,thee to take from me all       
liberty to sin4 ,if through weakness ,i 
should chance to fall1 may a glance from
 ,thine ,eyes straightway cleanse my    
soul1 and consume all my                
imperfections--as fire transforms all   
things into itself4  ,i thank ,thee1 ,o 
my ,god1 for all the graces ,thou hast  
granted me3 especially for having       
purified me in the crucible of          

suffering4 ,at the ,day of ,judgment ,i 
shall gaze on ,thee with joy1 as ,thou  
bearest ,thy sceptre of the ,cross4 ,and
 since ,thou hast deigned to give me    
this precious ,cross as my portion1 ,i  
hope to be like unto ,thee in ,paradise 
and to behold the ,sacred ,wounds of    
,thy ,passion shine on my glorified     
body4  ,after earth's exile ,i trust to 
possess ,thee in the ,home of our       
,father2 but ,i do not seek to lay up   
treasures in ,heaven4 ,i wish to labour 
for ,thy ,love alone--with the sole aim 
of pleasing ,thee1 of consoling ,thy    
,sacred ,heart1 and of saving souls who 
will love ,thee through eternity4  ,when
 comes the evening of life1 ,i shall    
stand before ,thee with empty hands1    
because ,i do not ask ,thee1 my ,god1 to
 take account of my works4 ,all our     
works of justice are blemished in ,thine
 ,eyes4 ,i wish therefore to be robed   
with ,thine own ,justice1 and to receive
 from ,thy ,love the everlasting gift of
 ,thyself4 ,i desire no other ,throne1  

no other ,crown but ,thee1 ,o my        
,beloved6  ,in ,thy sight time is       
naught--one day is a thousand years4#b  
,thou canst in a single instant prepare 
me to appear before ,thee4  99   99   99
   99   99   99   99  ,in order that my 
life may be one ,act of perfect ,love1  
,i offer myself as a ,victim of         
,holocaust to ,thy ,merciful ,love1     
imploring ,thee to consume me           
unceasingly1 and to allow the floods of 
infinite tenderness gathered up in ,thee
 to overflow into my soul1 that so ,i   
may become a very martyr of ,thy ,love1 
,o my ,god6 ,may this martyrdom1 after  
having prepared me to appear in ,thy    
,presence1 free me from this life at the
 last1 and may my soul take its         
flight--without delay--into the eternal 
embrace of ,thy ,merciful ,love6  99    
99   99   99   99   99   99  ,o my      
,beloved1 ,i desire at every beat of my 
heart to renew this ,oblation an        
infinite number of times1 till the      
shadows retire1#c and everlastingly ,i  

can tell ,thee my love face to face4    
,,mary ,,frances ,,teresa ,,of ,,the    
,,child ,,jesus ,,and ,,of ,,the ,,holy 
,,face4  ,the ninth of ,june1 ,feast of 
the ,most ,blessed ,trinity1 ,in the    
year of grace1 #ahie4   ,a ,,morning    
,,prayer  ,o my ,god6 ,i offer ,thee all
 my actions of this day for the         
intentions and for the glory of the     
,sacred ,heart of ,jesus4 ,i desire to  
sanctify every beat of my heart1 my     
every thought1 my simplest works1 by    
uniting them to ,its infinite merits2   
and ,i wish to make reparation for my   
sins by casting them into the furnace of
 ,its ,merciful ,love4  ,o my ,god6 ,i  
ask of ,thee for myself and for those   
whom ,i hold dear1 the grace to fulfil  
perfectly ,thy ,holy ,will1 to accept   
for love of ,thee the joys and sorrows  
of this passing life1 so that we may one
 day be united together in ,heaven for  
all ,eternity4 ,amen4   ,,an ,,act ,,of 
,,consecration ,,to ,,the ,,holy ,,face 
,written for the ,novices  ,o ,adorable 

,face of ,jesus1 since ,thou hast       
deigned to make special choice of our   
souls1 in order to give ,thyself to     
them1 we come to consecrate these souls 
to ,thee4 ,we seem1 ,o ,jesus1 to hear  
,thee say3 ,open to ,me1 ,my ,sisters1  
,my ,spouses1 for ,my ,face is wet with 
the dew1 and ,my ,locks with the drops  
of the night4#d ,our souls understand   
,thy language of love2 we desire to wipe
 ,thy sweet ,face1 and to console ,thee 
for the contempt of the wicked4 ,in     
their eyes ,thou art still as it were   
hidden 4 4 4 they esteem ,thee an object
 of reproach4#e  ,o ,blessed ,face1 more
 lovely than the lilies and the roses of
 the spring1 ,thou art not hidden from  
us4 ,the tears which dim ,thine ,eyes   
are as precious pearls which we delight 
to gather1 and1 through their infinite  
value1 to purchase the souls of our     
brethren4  ,from ,thy ,adorable ,lips we
 have heard ,thy loving plaint3 ,i      
thirst4 ,since we know that this thirst 
which consumes ,thee is a thirst for    

love1 to quench it we would wish to     
possess an infinite love4  ,dear ,spouse
 of our souls1 if we could love with the
 love of all hearts1 that love would be 
,thine4 4 4 4 ,give us1 ,o ,lord1 this  
love6 ,then come to thy ,spouses and    
satisfy ,thy ,thirst4  ,and give to us  
souls1 dear ,lord 4 4 4 ,we thirst for  
souls6--,above all for the souls of     
,apostles and ,martyrs 4 4 4 that       
through them we may inflame all poor    
sinners with love of ,thee4  ,o         
,adorable ,face1 we shall succeed in    
winning this grace from ,thee6          
,unmindful of our exile1 by the rivers  
of ,babylon1 we will sing in ,thine     
,ears the sweetest of melodies4 ,since  
,thou art the true and only ,home of our
 souls1 our songs shall not be sung in a
 strange land4#f ,o ,beloved ,face of   
,jesus1 while we await the ,eternal ,day
 when we shall gaze upon ,thine         
,infinite ,glory1 our only desire is to 
delight ,thy ,divine ,eyes by keeping   
our faces hidden too1 so that no one on 

earth may recognize us 4 4 4 ,dear      
,jesus1 ,heaven for us is ,thy ,hidden  
,face6   ,,various ,,prayers  ,if you   
ask the ,father anything in ,my ,name1  
,he will give it you4-- ,john #af3bc4   
,o ,eternal ,father1 ,thy               
,only-,begotten ,son1 the dear ,child   
,jesus1 belongs to me since ,thou hast  
given ,him4 ,i offer ,thee the infinite 
merits of ,his ,divine ,childhood1 and  
,i beseech ,thee in ,his ,name to open  
the gates of ,heaven to a countless host
 of little ones who will for ever follow
 this ,divine ,lamb4  ,just as the      
,king's image is a talisman through     
which anything may be purchased in his  
,kingdom1 so through ,my ,adorable      
,face--that priceless coin of my        
,humanity--you will obtain all you      
desire4         ,our ,lord to ,sister   
,mary of ,st4 ,peter4#g  ,eternal       
,father1 since ,thou hast given me for  
my inheritance the ,adorable ,face of   
,thy ,divine ,son1 ,i offer that ,face  
to ,thee1 and ,i beg ,thee1 in exchange 

for this coin of infinite value1 to     
forget the ingratitude of those souls   
who are consecrated to ,thee1 and to    
pardon all poor sinners4   ,,prayer ,,to
 ,,the ,,holy ,,child  ,o ,jesus1 dear  
,holy ,child1 my only treasure1 ,i      
abandon myself to ,thy every whim4 ,i   
seek no other joy than that of calling  
forth ,thy sweet ,smile4 ,vouchsafe to  
me the graces and the virtues of ,thy   
,holy ,childhood1 so that on the day of 
my birth into ,heaven the ,angels and   
,saints may recognise in ,thy ,spouse3  
,teresa of the ,child ,jesus4   ,,prayer
 ,,to ,,the ,,holy ,,face  ,o ,adorable 
,face of ,jesus1 sole beauty which      
ravisheth my heart1 vouchsafe to impress
 on my soul ,thy ,divine ,likeness1 so  
that it may not be possible for ,thee to
 look at ,thy ,spouse without beholding 
,thyself4 ,o my ,beloved1 for love of   
,thee ,i am content not to see here on  
earth the sweetness of ,thy ,glance1 nor
 to feel the ineffable ,kiss of ,thy    
,sacred ,lips1 but ,i beg of ,thee to   

inflame me with ,thy ,love1 so that it  
may consume me quickly1 and that soon   
,teresa of the ,holy ,face may behold   
,thy glorious ,countenance in ,heaven4  
,,prayer  ,inspired by the sight of a   
statue of ,the ,blessed ,joan of ,arc   
,o ,lord ,god of ,hosts1 who hast said  
in ,thy ,gospel3 ,i am not come to bring
 peace but a sword1#h arm me for the    
combat4 ,i burn to do battle for ,thy   
,glory1 but ,i pray ,thee to enliven my 
courage4 4 4 4 ,then with holy ,david ,i
 shall be able to exclaim3 ,thou alone  
art my shield2 it is ,thou1 ,o ,lord    
,who teachest my hands to fight4#i  ,o  
my ,beloved1 ,i know the warfare in     
which ,i am to engage2 it is not on the 
open field ,i shall fight4 4 4 4 ,i am a
 prisoner held captive by ,thy ,love2 of
 my own free will ,i have riveted the   
fetters which bind me to ,thee1 and cut 
me off for ever from the world4 ,my     
sword is ,love6 with it--like ,joan of  
,arc--,i will drive the strangers from  
the land1 and ,i will have ,thee        

proclaimed ,king--over the ,kingdom of  
souls4  ,of a truth ,thou hast no need  
of so weak an instrument as ,i1 but     
,joan1 thy chaste and valiant ,spouse1  
has said3 ,we must do battle before ,god
 gives the victory4 ,o my ,jesus6 ,i    
will do battle1 then1 for ,thy love1    
until the evening of my life4 ,as ,thou 
didst not will to enjoy rest upon earth1
 ,i wish to follow ,thy example2 and    
then this promise which came from thy   
,sacred ,lips will be fulfilled in me3  
,if any man minister to me1 let him     
follow ,me1 and where ,i am there also  
shall ,my servant be1 and 4 4 4 him will
 ,my ,father honour4#aj ,to be with     
,thee1 to be in ,thee1 that is my one   
desire2 this promise of fulfilment1     
which ,thou dost give1 helps me to bear 
with my exile as ,i wait the joyous     
,eternal ,day when ,i shall see ,thee   
face to face4   ,,prayer ,,to ,,obtain  
,,humility  ,written for a ,novice  ,o  
,,jesus6 ,when ,thou wast a wayfarer    
upon earth1 ,thou didst say3--,learn of 

,me1 for ,i am ,meek and ,humble of     
,heart1 and you shall find rest to your 
souls4#aa ,o ,almighty ,king of ,heaven6
 my soul indeed finds rest in seeing    
,thee condescend to wash the feet of    
,thy ,apostles--having taken the form of
 a slave4#ab ,i recall the words ,thou  
didst utter to teach me the practice of 
humility3 ,i have given you an example1 
that as ,i have done to you1 so you do  
also4 ,the servant is not greater than  
his ,lord 4 4 4 ,if you know these      
things1 you shall be blessed if you do  
them4#ac ,i understand1 dear ,lord1     
these words which come from ,thy ,meek  
and ,humble ,heart1 and ,i wish to put  
them in practice with the help of ,thy  
grace4  ,i desire to humble myself in   
all sincerity1 and to submit my will to 
that of my ,sisters1 without ever       
contradicting them1 and without         
questioning whether they have the right 
to command4 ,no one1 ,o my ,beloved6 had
 that right over ,thee1 and yet ,thou   
didst obey not only the ,blessed ,virgin

 and ,st4 ,joseph1 but even ,thy        
executioners4 ,and now1 in the ,holy    
,eucharist1 ,i see ,thee complete ,thy  
self-abasement4 ,o ,divine ,king of     
,glory1 with wondrous humility1 ,thou   
dost submit ,thyself to all ,thy        
,priests1 without any distinction       
between those who love ,thee and those  
who1 alas6 are lukewarm or cold in ,thy 
service4 ,they may advance or delay the 
hour of the ,holy ,sacrifice3 ,thou art 
always ready to come down from ,heaven  
at their call4  ,o my ,beloved1 under   
the white ,eucharistic ,veil ,thou dost 
indeed appear to me ,meek and ,humble of
 ,heart6 ,to teach me humility1 ,thou   
canst not further abase ,thyself1 and so
 ,i wish to respond to ,thy ,love1 by   
putting myself in the lowest place1 by  
sharing ,thy humiliations1 so that ,i   
may have part with ,thee#ad in the      
,kingdom of ,heaven4  ,i implore ,thee1 
dear ,jesus1 to send me a humiliation   
whensoever ,i try to set myself above   
others4  ,and yet1 dear ,lord1 ,thou    

knowest my weakness4 ,each morning ,i   
resolve to be humble1 and in the evening
 ,i recognise that ,i have often been   
guilty of pride4 ,the sight of these    
faults tempts me to discouragement2 yet 
,i know that discouragement is itself   
but a form of pride4 ,i wish1 therefore1
 ,o my ,god1 to build all my trust upon 
,thee4 ,as ,thou canst do all things1   
deign to implant in my soul this virtue 
which ,i desire1 and to obtain it from  
,thy ,infinite ,mercy1 ,i will often say
 to ,thee3 ,jesus1 ,meek and ,humble of 
,heart1 make my heart like unto ,thine4 
#a ,john #af3bc4  #b ,ps4 #cidj3d4  #c  
,cant4 #d3f4  #d ,cf4 ,cant4 #e3b4  #e  
,cf4 ,isa4 #ec3c4  #f ,cf4 ,ps4         
#acfacg3d4  #g ,sister ,mary of ,st4    
,peter entered the ,carmel of ,tours in 
#ahdj4 ,three years later she had the   
first of a series of revelations        
concerning devotion to the ,holy ,face  
as a means of reparation for blasphemy4 
,see ,life of ,lon ,papin-,dupont1 known
 as ,the ,holy ,man of ,tours4  #h      

,matt4 #aj3cd4  #i ,cf4 ,ps4 #adcadd3a1 
#b4  #aj ,john #ab3bf4  #aa ,matt4      
#aa3bi4  #ab ,phil4 #b3g4  #ac ,john    
#ac3ae-ag4  #ad ,cf4 ,john #ac3h4       
,,motto ,,of ,,the ,,little ,,flower    
,from ,st4 ,john of the ,cross  ,,love  
,,is ,,repaid ,,by ,,love ,,alone       
,,my ,,days ,,of ,,grace  ,birthday  4  
4   4   4   ,january #b1 #ahgc ,baptism 
4   4   4   4   ,january #d1 #ahgc ,the 
,smile of ,our ,lady 4   ,may #aj1 #ahhc
 ,first ,communion   4   4   ,may #h1   
#ahhd ,confirmation  4   4   4   ,june  
#ad1 #ahhd ,conversion4   4   4   4     
,december #be1 #ahhf ,audience with ,leo
 ,,xiii4   ,november #bj1 #ahhg ,entry  
into the ,carmel 4   ,april #i1 #ahhh   
,clothing  4   4   4   4   ,january #aj1
 #ahhi ,profession4   4   4   4         
,september #h1 #ahij ,taking of the     
,veil4   4   ,september #bd1 #ahij ,act 
of ,oblation   4   4   ,june #i1 #ahie  
,,entry ,,into ,,heaven--,september #cj1
 #ahig     ,,selected ,,poems ,,of      
,,soeur ,,th,r,,se1 ,,the ,,little      

,,flower ,,of ,,jesus   ,,my ,,song ,,of
 ,,to-,,day  ,oh6 how ,i love ,thee1    
,jesus6 my soul aspires to ,thee--      
,and yet for one day only my simple     
prayer ,i pray6 ,come reign within my   
heart1 smile tenderly on me1            
,to-day1 dear ,lord1 to-day6  ,but if ,i
 dare take thought of what the morrow   
brings1    ,it fills my fickle heart    
with dreary1 dull dismay2 ,i crave1     
indeed1 my ,god1 the ,cross and         
sufferings1       ,but only for to-day6 
,o sweetest ,star of ,heaven6 ,o        
,virgin1 spotless1 blest1    ,shining   
with ,jesus' light1 guiding to ,him my  
way6 ,mother6 beneath thy veil let my   
tired spirit rest1       ,for this brief
 passing day6  ,soon shall ,i fly afar  
among the holy choirs1    ,then shall be
 mine the joy that knoweth no decay2    
,and then my lips shall sing1 to        
,heaven's angelic lyres1       ,the     
eternal1 glad ,to-day6  ,june1 #ahid4   
,,memories  ,selected ,stanzas  ,i find 
in my ,beloved the mountains1 the lonely

 and wooded vales1 the distant isles1   
the murmur of the waters1 the soft      
whisper of the zephyrs 4 4 4 the quiet  
night with its sister the dawn1 the     
perfect solitude--all that delights and 
all that fires our love4--,st4 ,john of 
the ,cross4  ,i hold full sweet your    
memory1 ,my childhood days1 so glad1 so 
free4 ,to keep my innocence1 dear ,lord1
 for ,thee1 ,thy ,love came to me night 
and day1       ,alway4 4   4   4   4   4
   4   4  ,i loved the swallows'        
graceful flight1 ,the turtle doves' low 
chant at night1 ,the pleasant sound of  
insects gay and bright1 ,the grassy vale
 where doth belong       ,their song4 4 
4   4   4   4   4   4  ,i loved the     
glow-worm on the sod2 ,the countless    
stars1 so near to ,god1 ,but most ,i    
loved1 in all the sky abroad1 ,the      
shining moon of silver bright1       ,at
 night4 4   4   4   4   4   4   4  ,the 
grass is withered in its bed2 ,the      
flowers within my hands are dead4 ,would
 that my weary feet1 ,jesu6 might tread 

,thy ,heavenly ,fields1 and ,i might be 
,with ,thee6 4   4   4   4   4   4   4  
,my rainbow in the rain-washed skies--  
,horizon where my suns arise-- ,my isle 
in far-off seas--pearl ,i most prize--  
,sweet spring and butterflies--,i see   
,in ,thee6 4   4   4   4   4   4   4    
,in ,thee ,i have the springs1 the      
rills1 ,the mignonette1 the daffodils1  
,the ,eglantine1 the harebell on the    
hills1 ,the trembling poplar1 sighing   
low       ,and slow4 4   4   4   4   4  
4   4  ,the lovely lake1 the valley fair
 ,and lonely in the lambent air1 ,the   
ocean touched with silver everywhere--  
,in ,thee their treasures1 all combined1
       ,i find4 4   4   4   4   4   4   
4  ,i go to chant1 with ,angel-throngs1 
,the homage that to ,thee belongs4 ,soon
 let me fly away1 to join their songs6  
,oh1 let me die of love1 ,i pray1       
,one day6 4   4   4   4   4   4   4  ,i 
hear1 e'en ,i1 ,thy last and least1 ,the
 music from ,thy ,heavenly ,feast2      
,there1 deign receive me as ,thy loving 

guest ,and1 to my harp1 let me but sing1
       ,my ,king6 4   4   4   4   4   4 
4  ,unto the ,saints ,i shall be near1  
,to ,mary1 and those once treasured     
here4 ,life is all past1 and dried is   
every tear2 ,to me my home again is     
given--       ,in ,heaven4  ,april #bh1 
#ahie4   ,i ,,thirst ,,for ,,love  ,in  
wondrous ,love1 ,thou didst come down   
from ,heaven    ,to immolate ,thyself1  
,o ,christ1 for me2 ,so1 in my turn1 my 
love to ,thee is given--    ,i wish to  
suffer and to die for ,thee4  ,thou1    
,lord1 didst speak this truth benign3   
,to die for one loved tenderly1 ,of     
greatest love on earth is sign2    ,and 
now1 such love is mine--       ,such    
love for ,thee6  ,do ,thou abide with   
me1 ,o ,pilgrim blest6    ,behind the   
hill fast sinks the dying day4 ,helped  
by ,thy ,cross1 ,i mount the rocky      
crest2    ,oh1 come1 to guide me on my  
,heavenward ,way4  ,to be like ,thee is 
my desire2    ,thy ,voice finds echo in 
my soul4 ,suffering ,i crave6 ,thy words

 of fire    ,lift me above earth's mire1
       ,and sin's control4  ,chanting   
,thy victories1 gloriously sublime1     
,the ,seraphim--all ,heaven--cry to me1 
,that even ,thou1 to conquer sin and    
crime1    ,upon this earth a sufferer   
needs must be4  ,for me upon life's     
dreary way    ,what scorn1 what anguish1
 ,thou didst bear6 ,let me but hide me  
day by day1    ,be least of all1 alway1 
,thy lot to share4  ,ah1 ,christ6 ,thy  
great example teaches me    ,myself to  
humble1 honours to despise4 ,a little   
one--as ,thou--,i choose to be1         
,forgetting self1 so ,i may charm ,thine
 ,eyes4  ,my peace ,i find in solitude1 
,nor ask ,i more1 dear ,lord1 than this3
 ,be ,thou my sole beatitude1    ,and   
ever--in ,thee--renewed       ,my joy1  
my bliss6  ,thou1 the great ,god ,whom  
earth and ,heaven adore1    ,thou       
dwell'st a prisoner for me night and    
day2 ,and every hour ,i hear ,thy ,voice
 implore3    ,i thirst--,i thirst--,i   
thirst--for love alway6  ,i1 too1 ,thy  

prisoner am ,i2    ,i1 too1 cry ever    
unto ,thee ,thine own divine and tender 
cry3    ,i thirst6 ,oh1 let me die      
,of love for ,thee4  ,for love of ,thee 
,i thirst6 fulfil my hope2    ,augment  
in me ,thine own celestial flame6 ,for  
love of ,thee ,i thirst6 too scant      
earth's scope3    ,the glorious ,vision 
of ,thy ,face ,i claim6  ,my long1 slow 
martyrdom of fire    ,still more and    
more consumeth me4 ,thou art my joy1 my 
one desire1    ,jesu6 may ,i expire     
,of love for ,thee4  ,april #cj1 #ahif4 
,,to ,,scatter ,,flowers  ,o ,jesus6 ,o 
my ,love6 each eve ,i come to fling     
,my springtide roses sweet before ,thy  
,cross divine2 ,by their plucked petals 
fair1 my hands so gladly bring1       ,i
 long to dry ,thine every tear6  ,to    
scatter flowers6--that means each       
sacrifice3    ,my lightest sighs and    
pains1 my heaviest1 saddest hours1 ,my  
hopes1 my joys1 my prayers--,i will not 
count the price--       ,behold my      
flowers6  ,with deep untold delight ,thy

 beauty fills my soul1    ,would ,i     
might light this love in hearts of all  
who live6 ,for this1 my fairest flowers1
 all things in my control1       ,how   
fondly1 gladly would ,i give6  ,to      
scatter flowers6--behold my chosen sword
    ,for saving sinners' souls and      
filling ,heaven's bowers3 ,the victory  
is mine--yea1 ,i disarm ,thee1 ,lord1   
,with these my flowers6  ,the petals in 
their flight caress ,thy ,holy ,face2   
,they tell ,thee that my heart is       
,thine1 and ,thine alone4 ,thou knowest 
what these leaves are saying in my      
place3       ,on me ,thou smilest from  
,thy ,throne4  ,to scatter              
flowers6--that means1 to speak of       
,thee--    ,my only pleasure here1 where
 tears fill all the hours2 ,but soon1   
with ,angel ,hosts1 my spirit shall be  
free       ,to scatter flowers4  ,june  
#bh1 #ahif4   ,,why ,i ,,love ,,thee1   
,,mary6  ,last ,poem written by ,soeur  
,thrse  ,concluding ,stanzas            
,henceforth thy shelter in thy woe was  

,john's most humble dwelling2    ,the   
son of ,zebedee replaced the ,son ,whom 
,heaven adored4 ,naught else the        
,gospels tell us of thy life1 in grace  
excelling2    ,it is the last they say  
of thee1 sweet ,mother of my ,lord6     
,but oh6 ,i think that silence means    
that1 high in ,heaven's ,glory1    ,when
 time is past1 and to their ,house thy  
children safe are come1 ,the ,eternal   
,word1 my ,mother dear1 ,himself will   
tell thy story1    ,to charm our        
souls--thy children's souls--in our     
,eternal ,home4  ,soon ,i shall hear    
that harmony1 that blissful1 wondrous   
singing2    ,soon1 unto ,heaven that    
waits for us1 my soul shall swiftly fly4
 ,o thou who cam'st to smile on me at   
dawn of life's beginning6    ,come once 
again to smile on me 4 4 4 ,mother6 the 
night is nigh4  ,i fear no more thy     
majesty1 so far removed above me1       
,for ,i have suffered sore with thee3   
now hear me1 ,mother mild6 ,oh1 let me  
tell thee face to face1 dear ,mary6 how 

,i love thee2    ,and say to thee for   
evermore3 ,i am ,thy little child4  ,may
 #ahig4  ,,note4--,the above poems are  
reprinted from the translation of the   
,little ,flower's poems made by ,susan  
,l4 ,emery1 of ,dorchester1 ,mass41     
,u4,s4,a41 and published by the ,carmel 
of ,boston4 ,ed4