,,the ,,child ,,of ,,the ,,dawn         
,by ,,arthur ,,christopher ,,benson     
,,fellow ,,of ,,magdalene ,,college     
,,cambridge        ,greek3 du ti        
tharsaleais ton makron teiein bion      
elpisin  ,author of ,,the ,,upton       
,,letters1 ,,from ,a ,,college ,,window1
 ,,beside ,,still ,,waters1 ,,the       
,,altar ,,fire1 ,,the ,,schoolmaster1   
,,at ,,large1 ,,the ,,gate ,,of ,,death1
 ,,the ,,silent ,,isle1 ,,john ,,ruskin1
 ,,leaves ,,of ,,the ,,tree1 ,,child    
,,of ,,the ,,dawn1 ,,paul ,,the         
,,minstrel                              
#aiab     ,to ,,my ,,best ,,and         
,,dearest ,,friend ,,herbert ,,francis  
,,william ,,tatham ,,in ,,love ,,and    
,,hope     ,,introduction   ,i think    
that a book like the following1 which   
deals with a subject so great and so    
mysterious as our hope of immortality1  
by means of an allegory or fantasy1     
needs a few words of preface1 in order  
to clear away at the outset any         
misunderstandings which may possibly    

arise in a reader's mind4 ,nothing is   
further from my wish than to attempt any
 philosophical or ontological exposition
 of what is hidden behind the veil of   
death4 ,but one may be permitted to deal
 with the subject imaginatively or      
poetically1 to translate hopes into     
visions1 as ,i have tried to do4  ,the  
fact that underlies the book is this3   
that in the course of a very sad and    
strange experience--an illness which    
lasted for some two years1 involving me 
in a dark cloud of dejection--,i came to
 believe practically1 instead of merely 
theoretically1 in the personal          
immortality of the human soul4 ,i was   
conscious1 during the whole time1 that  
though the physical machinery of the    
nerves was out of gear1 the soul and the
 mind remained1 not only intact1 but    
practically unaffected by the disease1  
imprisoned1 like a bird in a cage1 but  
perfectly free in themselves1 and       
uninjured by the bodily weakness which  
enveloped them4 ,this was not all4 ,i   

was led to perceive that ,i had been    
living life with an entirely distorted  
standard of values2 ,i had been         
ambitious1 covetous1 eager for comfort  
and respect1 absorbed in trivial dreams 
and childish fancies4 ,i saw1 in the    
course of my illness1 that what really  
mattered to the soul was the relation in
 which it stood to other souls2 that    
affection was the native air of the     
spirit2 and that anything which         
distracted the heart from the duty of   
love was a kind of bodily delusion1 and 
simply hindered the spirit in its       
pilgrimage4  ,it is easy to learn this1 
to attain to a sense of certainty about 
it1 and yet to be unable to put it into 
practice as simply and frankly as one   
desires to do6 ,the body grows strong   
again and reasserts itself2 but the     
blessed consciousness of a great        
possibility apprehended and grasped     
remains4  ,there came to me1 too1 a     
sense that one of the saddest effects of
 what is practically a widespread       

disbelief in immortality1 which affects 
many people who would nominally disclaim
 it1 is that we think of the soul after 
death as a thing so altered as to be    
practically unrecognisable--as a meek   
and pious emanation1 without qualities  
or aims or passions or traits--as a sort
 of amiable and weak-kneed sacristan in 
the temple of ,god2 and this is the     
unhappy result of our so often making   
religion a pursuit apart from life--an  
occupation1 not an atmosphere2 so that  
it seems impious to think of the        
departed spirit as interested in        
anything but a vague species of         
liturgical exercise4  ,i read the other 
day the account of the death-bed of a   
great statesman1 which was written from 
what ,i may call a somewhat clerical    
point of view4 ,it was recorded with    
much gusto that the dying politician    
took no interest in his schemes of      
government and cares of ,state1 but     
found perpetual solace in the repetition
 of childish hymns4 ,this fact had1 or  

might have had1 a certain beauty of its 
own1 if it had been expressly stated    
that it was a proof that the tired and  
broken mind fell back upon old1 simple1 
and dear recollections of bygone love4  
,but there was manifest in the record a 
kind of sanctimonious triumph in the    
extinction of all the great man's       
insight and wisdom4 ,it seemed to me    
that the right treatment of the episode 
was rather to insist that those great   
qualities1 won by brave experience and  
unselfish effort1 were only temporarily 
obscured1 and belonged actually and     
essentially to the spirit of the man2   
and that if heaven is indeed1 as we may 
thankfully believe1 a place of work and 
progress1 those qualities would be      
actively and energetically employed as  
soon as the soul was freed from the     
trammels of the failing body4  ,another 
point may also be mentioned4 ,the idea  
of transmigration and reincarnation is  
here used as a possible solution for the
 extreme difficulties which beset the   

question of the apparently fortuitous   
brevity of some human lives4 ,i do not1 
of course1 propound it as literally and 
precisely as it is here set down--it is 
not a forecast of the future1 so much as
 a symbolising of the forces of         
life--but the renewal of conscious      
experience1 in some form or other1 seems
 to be the only way out of the          
difficulty1 and it is that which is here
 indicated4 ,if life is a probation for 
those who have to face experience and   
temptation1 how can it be a probation   
for infants and children1 who die before
 the faculty of moral choice is         
developed8 ,again1 ,i find it very hard 
to believe in any multiplication of     
human souls4 ,it is even more difficult 
for me to believe in the creation of new
 souls than in the creation of new      
matter4 ,science has shown us that there
 is no actual addition made to the sum  
of matter1 and that the apparent        
creation of new forms of plants or      
animals is nothing more than a          

rearrangement of existing               
particles--that if a new form appears in
 one place1 it merely means that so much
 matter is transferred thither from     
another place4 ,i find it1 ,i say1 hard 
to believe that the sum total of life is
 actually increased4 ,to put it very    
simply for the sake of clearness1 and   
accepting the assumption that human life
 had some time a beginning on this      
planet1 it seems impossible to think    
that when1 let us say1 the two first    
progenitors of the race died1 there were
 but two souls in heaven2 that when the 
next generation died there were1 let us 
say1 ten souls in heaven2 and that this 
number has been added to by thousands   
and millions1 until the unseen world is 
peopled1 as it must be now1 if no       
reincarnation is possible1 by myriads of
 human identities1 who1 after a single  
brief taste of incarnate life1 join some
 vast community of spirits in which they
 eternally reside4 ,i do not say that   
this latter belief may not be true2 ,i  

only say that in default of evidence1 it
 seems to me a difficult faith to hold2 
while a reincarnation of spirits1 if one
 could believe it1 would seem to me both
 to equalise the inequalities of human  
experience1 and give one a lively belief
 in the virtue and worth of human       
endeavour4 ,but all this is set down1 as
 ,i say1 in a tentative and not in a    
philosophical form4  ,and ,i have also  
in these pages kept advisedly clear of  
,christian doctrines and beliefs2 not   
because ,i do not believe wholeheartedly
 in the divine origin and unexhausted   
vitality of the ,christian revelation1  
but because ,i do not intend to lay rash
 and profane hands upon the highest and 
holiest of mysteries4  ,i will add one  
word about the genesis of the book4     
,some time ago ,i wrote a number of     
short tales of an allegorical type4 ,it 
was a curious experience4 ,i seemed to  
have come upon them in my mind1 as one  
comes upon a covey of birds in a field4 
,one by one they took wings and flew2   

and when ,i had finished1 though ,i was 
anxious to write more tales1 ,i could   
not discover any more1 though ,i beat   
the covert patiently to dislodge them4  
,this particular tale rose unbidden in  
my mind4 ,i was never conscious of      
creating any of its incidents4 ,it      
seemed to be all there from the         
beginning2 and ,i felt throughout like a
 man making his way along a road1 and   
describing what he sees as he goes4 ,the
 road stretched ahead of me2 ,i could   
not see beyond the next turn at any     
moment2 it just unrolled itself         
inevitably and1 ,i will add1 very       
swiftly to my view1 and was thus a      
strange and momentous experience4  ,i   
will only add that the book is all based
 upon an intense belief in ,god1 and a  
no less intense conviction of personal  
immortality and personal responsibility4
 ,it aims at bringing out the fact that 
our life is a very real pilgrimage to   
high and far-off things from mean and   
sordid beginnings1 and that the key of  

the mystery lies in the frank facing of 
experience1 as a blessed process by     
which the secret purpose of ,god is made
 known to us2 and1 even more1 in a      
passionate belief in ,love1 the love of 
friend and neighbour1 and the love of   
,god2 and in the absolute faith that we 
are all of us1 from the lowest and most 
degraded human soul to the loftiest and 
wisest1 knit together with chains of    
infinite nearness and dearness1 under   
,god1 and in ,him1 and through ,him1 now
 and hereafter and for evermore4        
,a4,c4,b4  ,,the ,,old ,,lodge1         
,,magdalene ,,college1 ,,cambridge1     
,january1 #aiab4     ,the ,child of the 
,dawn     ,i   ,certainly the last few  
moments of my former material1 worn-out 
life1 as ,i must still call it1 were    
made horrible enough for me4 ,i came to1
 after the operation1 in a deadly       
sickness and ghastly confusion of       
thought4 ,i was just dimly conscious of 
the trim1 bare room1 the white bed1 a   
figure or two1 but everything else was  

swallowed up in the pain1 which filled  
all my senses at once4 ,yet surely1 ,i  
thought1 it is all something outside me8
 444 my brain began to wander1 and the  
pain became a thing4 ,it was a tower of 
stone1 high and blank1 with a little    
sinister window high up1 from which     
something was every now and then waved  
above the house-roofs4444 ,the tower was
 gone in a moment1 and there was a heap 
piled up on the floor of a great room   
with open beams--a granary1 perhaps4    
,the heap was of curved sharp steel     
things like sickles3 something moved and
 muttered underneath it1 and blood ran  
out on the floor4 ,then ,i was instantly
 myself1 and the pain was with me again2
 and then there fell on me a sense of   
faintness1 so that the cold sweat-drops 
ran suddenly out on my brow4 ,there came
 a smell of drugs1 sharp and pungent1 on
 the air4 ,i heard a door open softly1  
and a voice said1 ,he is sinking        
fast--they must be sent for at once4    
,then there were more people in the     

room1 people whom ,i thought ,i had     
known once1 long ago2 but ,i was buried 
and crushed under the pain1 like the    
thing beneath the heap of sickles4      
,there swept over me a dreadful fear2   
and ,i could see that the fear was      
reflected in the faces above me2 but now
 they were strangely distorted and      
elongated1 so that ,i could have        
laughed1 if only ,i had had the time2   
but ,i had to move the weight off me1   
which was crushing me4 ,then a roaring  
sound began to come and go upon the air1
 louder and louder1 faster and faster2  
the strange pungent scent came again2   
and then ,i was thrust down under the   
weight1 monstrous1 insupportable2       
further and further down2 and there came
 a sharp bright streak1 like a blade    
severing the strands of a rope drawn    
taut and tense2 another and another2 one
 was left1 and the blade drew near4444  
,i fell suddenly out of the sound and   
scent and pain into the most incredible 
and blessed peace and silence4 ,it would

 have been like a sleep1 but ,i was     
still perfectly conscious1 with a sense 
of unutterable and blissful fatigue2 a  
picture passed before me1 of a calm sea1
 of vast depth and clearness4 ,there    
were cliffs at a little distance1 great 
headlands and rocky spires4 ,i seemed to
 myself to have left them1 to have come 
down through them1 to have embarked4    
,there was a pale light everywhere1     
flushed with rose-colour1 like the light
 of a summer dawn2 and ,i felt as ,i had
 once felt as a child1 awakened early in
 the little old house among the         
orchards1 on a spring morning2 ,i had   
risen from my bed1 and leaning out of my
 window1 filled with a delightful       
wonder1 ,i had seen the cool morning    
quicken into light among the dewy       
apple-blossoms4 ,that was what ,i felt  
like1 as ,i lay upon the moving tide1   
glad to rest1 not wondering or hoping1  
not fearing or expecting anything--just 
there1 and at peace4  ,there seemed to  
be no time in that other blessed        

morning1 no need to do anything4 ,the   
cliffs1 ,i did not know how1 faded from 
me1 and the boundless sea was about me  
on every side2 but ,i cannot describe   
the timelessness of it4 ,there are no   
human words for it all1 yet ,i must     
speak of it in terms of time and space1 
because both time and space were there1 
though ,i was not bound by them4  ,and  
here first ,i will say a few words about
 the manner of speech ,i shall use4 ,it 
is very hard to make clear1 but ,i think
 ,i can explain it in an image4 ,i once 
walked alone1 on a perfect summer day1  
on the ,south ,downs4 ,the great smooth 
shoulders of the hills lay left and     
right1 and1 in front of me1 the rich    
tufted grass ran suddenly down to the   
plain1 which stretched out before me    
like a map4 ,i saw the fields and woods1
 the minute tiled hamlet-roofs1 the     
white roads1 on which crawled tiny      
carts4 ,a shepherd1 far below1 drove his
 flock along a little deep-cut lane     
among high hedges4 ,the sounds of earth 

came faintly and sweetly up1 obscure    
sounds of which ,i could not tell the   
origin2 but the tinkling of sheep-bells 
was the clearest1 and the barking of the
 shepherd-dog4 ,my own dog sat beside   
me1 watching my face1 impatient to be   
gone4 ,but at the barking he pricked up 
his ears1 put his head on one side1 and 
wondered1 ,i saw1 where that            
companionable sound came from4 ,what he 
made of the scene ,i do not know2 the   
sight of the fruitful earth1 the homes  
of men1 the fields and waters1 filled me
 with an inexpressible emotion1 a       
wide-flung hope1 a sense of the         
immensity and intricacy of life4 ,but to
 my dog it meant nothing at all1 though 
he saw just what ,i did4 ,to him it was 
nothing but a great excavation in the   
earth1 patched and streaked with green4 
,it was not then the scene itself that  
,i loved2 that was only a symbol of     
emotions and ideas within me4 ,it       
touched the spring of a host of         
beautiful thoughts2 but the beauty and  

the sweetness were the contribution of  
my own heart and mind4  ,now in the new 
world in which ,i found myself1 ,i      
approached the thoughts of beauty and   
loveliness direct1 without any          
intervening symbols at all4 ,the        
emotions which beautiful things had     
aroused in me upon earth were all there1
 in the new life1 but not confused or   
blurred1 as they had been in the old    
life1 by the intruding symbols of ugly1 
painful1 evil things4 ,that was all gone
 like a mist4 ,i could not think an evil
 or an ugly thought4  ,for a period it  
was so with me4 ,for a long time--,i    
will use the words of earth henceforth  
without any explanation--,i abode in the
 same calm1 untroubled peace1 partly in 
memory of the old days1 partly in the   
new visions4 ,my senses seemed all      
blended in one sense2 it was not sight  
or hearing or touch--it was but an      
instant apprehension of the essence of  
things4 ,all that time ,i was absolutely
 alone1 though ,i had a sense of being  

watched and tended in a sort of helpless
 and happy infancy4 ,it was always the  
quiet sea1 and the dawning light4 ,i    
lived over the scenes of the old life in
 a vague1 blissful memory4 ,for the joy 
of the new life was that all that had   
befallen me had a strange and perfect   
significance4 ,i had lived like other   
men4 ,i had rejoiced1 toiled1 schemed1  
suffered1 sinned4 ,but it was all one   
now4 ,i saw that each influence had     
somehow been shaping and moulding me4   
,the evil ,i had done1 was it indeed    
evil8 ,it had been the flowering of a   
root of bitterness1 the impact of       
material forces and influences4 ,had ,i 
ever desired it8 ,not in my spirit1 ,i  
now felt4 ,sin had brought me shame and 
sorrow1 and they had done their work4   
,repentance1 contrition--ugly words6 ,i 
laughed softly at the thought of how    
different it all was from what ,i had   
dreamed4 ,i was as the lost sheep found1
 as the wayward son taken home2 and     
should ,i spoil my joy with recalling   

what was past and done with for ever8   
,forgiveness was not a process1 then1 a 
thing to be sued for and to be withheld2
 it was all involved in the glad return 
to the breast of ,god4  ,what was the   
mystery1 then8 ,the things that ,i had  
wrought1 ignoble1 cruel1 base1 mean1    
selfish--had ,i ever willed to do them8 
,it seemed impossible1 incredible4 ,were
 those grievous things still growing1   
seeding1 flowering in other lives left  
behind8 ,had they invaded1 corrupted1   
hurt other poor wills and lives8 ,i     
could think of them no longer1 any more 
than ,i could think of the wrongs done  
to myself4 ,those had not hurt me       
either4 ,perhaps ,i had still to suffer1
 but ,i could not think of that4 ,i was 
too much overwhelmed with joy4 ,the     
whole thing seemed so infinitely little 
and far away4 ,so for a time ,i floated 
on the moving crystal of the translucent
 sea1 over the glimmering deeps1 the    
dawn above me1 the scenes of the old    
life growing and shaping themselves and 

fading without any will of my own1      
nothing within or without me but        
ineffable peace and perfect joy4        
,,ii   ,i knew quite well what had      
happened to me2 that ,i had passed      
through what mortals call ,death3 and   
two thoughts came to me2 one was this4  
,there had been times on earth when one 
had felt sure with a sort of deep       
instinct that one could not really ever 
die2 yet there had been hours of        
weariness and despair when one had      
wondered whether death would not mean a 
silent blankness4 ,that thought had     
troubled me most1 when ,i had followed  
to the grave some friend or some        
beloved4 ,the mouldering form1 shut into
 the narrow box1 was thrust with a sense
 of shame and disgrace into the clay1   
and no word or sign returned to show    
that the spirit lived on1 or that one   
would ever find that dear proximity     
again4 ,how foolish it seemed now ever  
to have doubted1 ever to have been      
troubled6 ,of course it was all eternal 

and everlasting4 ,and then1 too1 came a 
second thought4 ,one had learned in     
life1 alas1 so often to separate what   
was holy and sacred from daily life2    
there were prayers1 liturgies1 religious
 exercises1 solemnities1 ,sabbaths--an  
oppressive strain1 too often1 and a     
banishing of active life4 ,brought up as
 one had been1 there had been a mournful
 overshadowing of thought1 that after   
death1 and with ,god1 it would be all   
grave and constrained and serious1 a    
perpetual liturgy1 an unending ,sabbath4
 ,but now all was deliciously merged    
together4 ,all of beautiful and gracious
 that there had been in religion1 all of
 joyful and animated and eager that     
there had been in secular life1         
everything that amused1 interested1     
excited1 all fine pictures1 great poems1
 lovely scenes1 intrepid thoughts1      
exercise1 work1 jests1 laughter1        
perceptions1 fancies--they were all one 
now2 only sorrow and weariness and      
dulness and ugliness and greediness were

 gone4 ,the thought was fresh1 pure1    
delicate1 full of a great and mirthful  
content4  ,there were no divisions of   
time in my great peace2 past1 present1  
and future were alike all merged4 ,how  
can ,i explain that8 ,it seems so       
impossible1 having once seen it1 that it
 should be otherwise4 ,the day did not  
broaden to the noon1 nor fade to        
evening4 ,there was no night there4     
,more than that4 ,in the other life1 the
 dark low-hung days1 one seemed to have 
lived so little1 and always to have been
 making arrangements to live2 so much   
time spent in plans and schemes1 in     
alterations and regrets4 ,there was this
 to be done and that to be completed2   
one thing to be begun1 another to be    
cleared away2 always in search of the   
peace which one never found2 and if one 
did achieve it1 then it was surrounded1 
like some cast carrion1 by a cloud of   
poisonous thoughts1 like buzzing        
blue-flies4 ,now at last one lived      
indeed2 but there grew up in the soul1  

very gradually and sweetly1 the sense   
that one was resting1 growing accustomed
 to something1 learning the ways of the 
new place4 ,i became more and more aware
 that ,i was not alone2 it was not that 
,i met1 or encountered1 or was          
definitely conscious of any thought that
 was not my own2 but there were motions 
as of great winds in the untroubled calm
 in which ,i lay1 of vast deeps drawing 
past me4 ,there were hoverings and      
poisings of unseen creatures1 which gave
 me neither awe nor surprise1 because   
they were not in the range of my thought
 as yet2 but it was enough to show me   
that ,i was not alone1 that there was   
life about me1 purposes going forward1  
high activities4  ,the first time ,i    
experienced anything more definite was  
when suddenly ,i became aware of a great
 crystalline globe that rose like a     
bubble out of the sea4 ,it was of an    
incredible vastness2 but ,i was         
conscious that ,i did not perceive it as
 ,i had perceived things upon the earth1

 but that ,i apprehended it all         
together1 within and without4 ,it rose  
softly and swiftly out of the expanse4  
,the surface of it was all alive4 ,it   
had seas and continents1 hills and      
valleys1 woods and fields1 like our own 
earth4 ,there were cities and houses    
thronged with living beings2 it was a   
world like our own1 and yet there was   
hardly a form upon it that resembled any
 earthly form1 though all were          
articulate and definite1 ranging from   
growths which ,i knew to be vegetable1  
with a dumb and sightless life of their 
own1 up to beings of intelligence and   
purpose4 ,it was a world1 in fact1 on   
which a history like that of our own    
world was working itself out2 but the   
whole was of a crystalline texture1 if  
texture it can be called2 there was no  
colour or solidity1 nothing but form and
 silence1 and ,i realised that ,i saw1  
if not materially yet in thought1 and   
recognised then1 that all the qualities 
of matter1 the sounds1 the colours1 the 

scents--all that depends upon material  
vibration--were abstracted from it2     
while form1 of which the idea exists in 
the mind apart from all concrete        
manifestations1 was still present4 ,for 
some time after that1 a series of these 
crystalline globes passed through the   
atmosphere where ,i dwelt1 some near1   
some far2 and ,i saw in an instant1 in  
each case1 the life and history of each4
 ,some were still all aflame1 mere      
currents of molten heat and flying      
vapour4 ,some had the first signs of    
rudimentary life--some1 again1 had a    
full and organised life1 such as ours on
 earth1 with a clash of nations1 a      
stream of commerce1 a perfecting of     
knowledge4 ,others were growing cold1   
and the life upon them was artificial   
and strange1 only achieved by a highly  
intellectual and noble race1 with an    
extraordinary command of natural forces1
 fighting in wonderfully constructed and
 guarded dwellings against the growing  
deathliness of a frozen world1 and with 

a tortured despair in their minds at the
 extinction which threatened them4      
,there were others1 again1 which were   
frozen and dead1 where the drifting snow
 piled itself up over the gigantic and  
pathetic contrivances of a race living  
underground1 with huge vents and        
chimneys1 burrowing further into the    
earth in search of shelter1 and         
nurturing life by amazing processes     
which ,i cannot here describe4 ,they    
were marvellously wise1 those pale and  
shadowy creatures1 with a vitality      
infinitely ahead of our own1 a vitality 
out of which all weakly or diseased     
elements had long been eliminated4 ,and 
again there were globes upon which all  
seemed dead and frozen to the core1     
slipping onwards in some infinite       
progress4 ,but though ,i saw life under 
a myriad of new conditions1 and with an 
endless variety of forms1 the nature of 
it was the same as ours4 ,there was the 
same ignorance of the future1 the same  
doubts and uncertainties1 the same      

pathetic leaning of heart to heart1 the 
same wistful desire after permanence and
 happiness1 which could not be there or 
so attained4  ,then1 too1 ,i saw wild   
eddies of matter taking shape1 of a     
subtlety that is as far beyond any known
 earthly conditions of matter as steam  
is above frozen stone4 ,great tornadoes 
whirled and poised2 globes of spinning  
fire flew off on distant errands of     
their own1 as when the heavens were     
made2 and ,i saw1 too1 the crash of     
world with world1 when satellites that  
had lost their impetus drooped inwards  
upon some central sun1 and merged       
themselves at last with a titanic leap4 
,all this enacted itself before me1     
while life itself flew like a pulse from
 system to system1 never diminished1    
never increased1 withdrawn from one to  
settle on another4 ,all this ,i saw and 
knew4     ,,iii   ,i thought ,i could   
never be satiated by this infinite      
procession of wonders4 ,but at last     
there rose in my mind1 like a rising    

star1 the need to be alone no longer4 ,i
 was passing through a kind of heavenly 
infancy2 and just as a day comes when a 
child puts out a hand with a conscious  
intention1 not merely a blind groping1  
but with a need to clasp and caress1 or 
answers a smile by a smile1 a word by a 
purposeful cry1 so in a moment ,i was   
aware of some one with me and near me1  
with a heart and a nature that leaned to
 mine and had need of me1 as ,i of him4 
,i knew him to be one who had lived as  
,i had lived1 on the earth that was     
ours1--lived many lives1 indeed2 and it 
was then first that ,i became aware that
 ,i had myself lived many lives too4 ,my
 human life1 which ,i had last left1 was
 the fullest and clearest of all my     
existences2 but they had been many and  
various1 though always progressive4 ,i  
must not now tell of the strange life   
histories that had enfolded me--they had
 risen in dignity and worth from a life 
far back1 unimaginably elementary and   
instinctive2 but ,i felt in a moment    

that my new friend's life had been far  
richer and more perfect than my own1    
though ,i saw that there were still     
experiences ahead of both of us2 but not
 yet4 ,i may describe his presence in   
human similitudes1 a presence perfectly 
defined1 though apprehended with no     
human sight4 ,he bore a name which      
described something clear1 strong1 full 
of force1 and yet gentle of access1 like
 water4 ,it was just that2 a thing      
perfectly pure and pervading1 which     
could be stained and troubled1 and yet  
could retain no defilement or agitation2
 which a child could scatter and divide1
 and yet was absolutely powerful and    
insuperable4 ,i will call him ,amroth4  
,him1 ,i say1 because though there was  
no thought of sex left in my            
consciousness1 his was a courageous1    
inventive1 masterful spirit1 which gave 
rather than received1 and was withal of 
a perfect kindness and directness1 love 
undefiled and strong4 ,the moment ,i    
became aware of his presence1 ,i felt   

him to be like one of those wonderful1  
pure youths of an ,italian picture1     
whose whole mind is set on manful       
things1 untroubled by the love of woman1
 and yet finding all the world intensely
 gracious and beautiful1 full of eager  
frankness1 even impatience1 with long1  
slim1 straight limbs and close-curled   
hair4 ,i knew him to be the sort of     
being that painters and poets had been  
feeling after when they represented or  
spoke of angels4 ,and ,i could not help 
laughing outright at the thought of the 
meek1 mild1 statuesque draped figures1  
with absurd wings and depressing smiles1
 that encumbered pictures and churches1 
with whom no human communication would  
be possible1 and whose grave and        
discomfiting glance would be fatal to   
all ease or merriment4 ,i recognised in 
,amroth a mirthful soul1 full of humour 
and laughter1 who could not be shocked  
by any truth1 or hold anything          
uncomfortably sacred--though indeed he  
held all things sacred with a kind of   

eagerness that charmed me4 ,instead of  
meeting him in dolorous pietistic mood1 
,i met him1 ,i remember1 as at school or
 college one suddenly met a frank1      
smiling1 high-spirited youth or boy1 who
 was ready at once to take comradeship  
for granted1 and walked away with one   
from a gathering1 with an outrush of    
talk and plans for further meetings4 ,it
 was all so utterly unlike the subdued  
and cautious and sensitive atmosphere of
 devotion that it stirred us both1 ,i   
was aware1 to a delicious kind of       
laughter4 ,and then came a swift        
interchange of thought1 which ,i must   
try to represent by speech1 though      
speech was none4  ,i am glad to find    
you1 ,amroth1 ,i said4 ,i was just      
beginning to wonder if ,i was not going 
to be lonely4  ,ah1 he said1 one has    
what one desires here2 you had too much 
to see and learn at first to want my    
company4 ,and yet ,i have been with you1
 pointing out a thousand things1 ever   
since you came here4  ,was it you1 ,i   

said1 that have been showing me all     
this8 ,i thought ,i was alone4  ,at     
which ,amroth laughed again1 a laugh    
full of content4 ,yes1 he said1 the     
crags and the sunset--do you not        
remember8 ,i came down with you1        
carrying you like a child in my arms1   
while you slept2 and then ,i saw you    
awake4 ,you had to rest a long time at  
first2 you had had much to              
bear--uncertainty--that is what tires   
one1 even more than pain4 ,and ,i have  
been telling you things ever since1 when
 you could listen4  ,oh1 ,i said1 ,i    
have a hundred things to ask you2 how   
strange it is to see so much and        
understand so little6  ,ask away1 said  
,amroth1 putting an arm through mine4   
,i was afraid1 ,i said1 that it would   
all be so different--like a catechism   
',dost thou believe--is this thy        
desire8' ,but instead it seems so       
entirely natural and simple6  ,ah1 he   
said1 that is how we bewilder ourselves 
on earth4 ,why1 it is hard to say6 ,but 

all the real things remain4 ,it is all  
just as surprising and interesting and  
amusing and curious as it ever was3 the 
only things that are gone--for a time1  
that is--are the things that are ugly   
and sad4 ,but they are useful too in    
their way1 though you have no need to   
think of them now4 ,those are just the  
discipline1 the training4  ,but1 ,i     
said1 what makes people so different    
from each other down there--so many     
people who are sordid1 grubby1          
quarrelsome1 cruel1 selfish1 spiteful8  
,only a few who are bold and kind--like 
you1 for instance8  ,no1 he said1       
answering the thought that rose in my   
mind1 of course ,i don't mind--,i like  
compliments as well as ever1 if they    
come naturally6 ,but don't you see that 
all the little poky1 sensual1 mean1     
disgusting lives are simply those of    
spirits struggling to be free2 we begin 
by being enchained by matter at first1  
and then the stream runs clearer4 ,the  
divine things are imagination and       

sympathy4 ,that is the secret4     ,,iv 
,once ,i said3  ,which kind of people do
 you find it hardest to help along8     
,the young people1 said ,amroth1 with a 
smile4  ,youth6 ,i said4 ,why1 down     
below1 we think of youth as being so    
generous and ardent and imitative6 ,we  
speak of youth as the time to learn1 and
 form fine habits2 if a man is wilful   
and selfish in after-life1 we say that  
it was because he was too much indulged 
in childhood--and we attach great       
importance to the impressions of youth4 
,that is quite right1 said ,amroth1     
because the impressions of youth are    
swift and keen2 but of course1 here1 age
 is not a question of years or failing  
powers4 ,the old1 here1 are the wise and
 gracious and patient and gentle2 the   
youth of the spirit is stupidity and    
unimaginativeness4 ,on the one hand are 
the stolid and placid1 and on the other 
are the brutal and cruel and selfish and
 unrestrained4  ,you confuse me greatly1
 ,i said2 surely you do not mean that   

spiritual life and progress are a matter
 of intellectual energy8  ,no1 not at   
all1 said he2 the so-called intellectual
 people are often the most stupid and   
youngest of all4 ,the intellect counts  
for nothing3 that is only a kind of     
dexterity1 a pretty game4 ,the          
imagination is what matters4  ,worse and
 worse6 ,i said4 ,does salvation belong 
to poets and novelists8  ,no1 no1 said  
,amroth1 that is a game too6 ,the       
imagination ,i speak of is the power of 
entering into other people's minds and  
hearts1 of putting yourself in their    
place--of loving them1 in fact4 ,the    
more you know of people1 the better     
chance there is of loving them2 and you 
can only find your way into their minds 
by imaginative sympathy4 ,i will tell   
you a story which will show you what ,i 
mean4 ,there was once a famous writer on
 earth1 of whose wisdom people spoke    
with bated breath4 ,men went to see him 
with fear and reverence1 and came away1 
saying1 ',how wonderful6' ,and this man1

 in his age1 was waited upon by a little
 maid1 an ugly1 tired1 tiny creature4   
,people used to say that they wondered  
he had not a better servant4 ,but she   
knew all that he liked and wanted1 where
 his books and papers were1 what was    
good for him to do4 ,she did not        
understand a word of what he said1 but  
she knew both when he had talked too    
much1 and when he had not talked enough1
 so that his mind was pent up in itself1
 and he became cross and fractious4     
,now1 in reality1 the little maid was   
one of the oldest and most beautiful of 
spirits4 ,she had lived many lives1 each
 apparently humbler than the last4 ,she 
never grumbled about her work1 or wanted
 to amuse herself4 ,she loved the silly 
flies that darted about her kitchen1 or 
brushed their black heads on the        
ceiling2 she loved the ivy tendrils that
 tapped on her window in the breeze4    
,she did not go to church1 she had no   
time for that2 or if she had gone1 she  
would not have understood what was said1

 though she would have loved all the    
people there1 and noticed how they      
looked and sang4 ,but the wise man      
himself was one of the youngest and     
stupidest of spirits1 so young and      
stupid that he had to have a very old   
and wise spirit to look after him4 ,he  
was eaten up with ideas and vanity1 so  
that he had no time to look at any one  
or think of anybody1 unless they praised
 him4 ,he has a very long pilgrimage    
before him1 though he wrote pretty songs
 enough1 and his mortal body1 or one of 
them1 lies in the ,poets' ,corner of the
 ,abbey1 and people come and put wreaths
 there with tears in their eyes4  ,it is
 very bewildering1 ,i said1 but ,i see a
 little more than ,i did4 ,it is all a  
matter of feeling1 then8 ,but it seems  
hard on people that they should be so   
dull and stupid about it all1--that the 
truth should lie so close to their hand 
and yet be so carefully concealed4  ,oh1
 they grow out of dulness6 he said1 with
 a movement of his hand2 that is what   

experience does for us--it is always    
going on2 we get widened and deepened4  
,why1 he added1 ,i have seen a great    
man1 as they called him1 clever and     
alert1 who held a high position in the  
,state4 ,he was laid aside by a long and
 painful illness1 so that all his work  
was put away4 ,he was brave about it1   
too1 ,i remember2 but he used to think  
to himself how sad and wasteful it was1 
that when he was most energetic and     
capable he should be put on the         
shelf--all the fine work he might have  
done interrupted2 all the great speeches
 he would have made unuttered4 ,but as a
 matter of fact1 he was then for the    
first time growing fast1 because he had 
to look into the minds and hearts of all
 sorrowful and disappointed people1 and 
to learn that what we do matters so     
little1 and that what we are matters so 
much4 ,when he did at last get back to  
the world1 people said1 ',what a sad    
pity to see so fine a career spoilt6'   
,but out of all the years of all his    

lives1 those years had been his very    
best and richest1 when he sat half the  
day feeble in the sun1 and could not    
even look at the papers which lay beside
 him1 or when he woke in the grey       
mornings1 with the thought of another   
miserable day of idleness and pain      
before him4  ,i said1 ,then is it a bad 
thing to be busy in the world1 because  
it takes off your mind from the things  
which matter8  ,no1 said ,amroth1 not a 
bad thing at all3 because two things are
 going on4 ,partly the framework of     
society and life is being made1 so that 
men are not ground down into that sordid
 struggle1 when little experience is    
possible because of the drudgery which  
clouds all the mind4 ,though even that  
has its opportunities6 ,and all depends1
 for the individual1 upon how he is     
doing his work4 ,if he has other people 
in mind all the time1 and does his work 
for them1 and not to be praised for it1 
then all is well4 ,but if he is thinking
 of his credit and his position1 then he

 does not grow at all2 that is          
pomposity--a very youthful thing indeed2
 but the worst case of all is if a man  
sees that the world must be helped and  
made1 and that one can win credit thus1 
and so engages in work of that kind1 and
 deals in all the jargon of it1 about   
using influence and living for others1  
when he is really thinking of himself   
all the time1 and trying to keep the    
eyes of the world upon him4 ,but it is  
all growth really1 though sometimes1 as 
on the beach when the tide is coming in1
 the waves seem to draw backward from   
the land1 and poise themselves in a     
crest of troubled water4  ,but is a     
great position in the world1 ,i said1   
whether inherited or attained1 a        
dangerous thing8  ,nothing is dangerous1
 child1 he said4 ,you must put all that 
out of your mind4 ,but men in high posts
 and stations are often not progressing 
evenly1 only in great jogs and starts4  
,they learn very often1 with a sudden   
surprise1 which is not always painful1  

and sometimes is very beautiful and     
sweet1 that all the ceremony and pomp1  
the great house1 the bows and the       
smiles1 mean nothing at all--absolutely 
nothing1 except the chance1 the         
opportunity of not being taken in by    
them4 ,that is the use of all pleasures 
and all satisfactions--the frame of mind
 which made the old king say1 ',is not  
this great ,babylon1 which ,i have      
builded8'--they are nothing but the work
 of another class in the great school of
 life4 ,a great many people are put to  
school with self-satisfaction1 that they
 may know the fine joy of humiliation1  
the delight of learning that it is not  
effectiveness and applause that matters1
 but love and peacefulness4 ,and the    
great thing is that we should feel that 
we are growing1 not in hardness or      
indifference1 nor necessarily even in   
courage or patience1 but in our power to
 feel and our power to suffer4 ,as love 
multiplies1 suffering must multiply too4
 ,the very ,heart of ,god is full of    

infinite1 joyful1 hopeful suffering2 the
 whole thing is so vast1 so slow1 so    
quiet1 that the end of suffering is yet 
far off4 ,but when we suffer1 we climb  
fast2 the spirit grows old and wise in  
faith and love2 and suffering is the one
 thing we cannot dispense with1 because 
it is the condition of our fullest and  
purest life4     ,v   ,i said suddenly1 
,the joy of this place is not the       
security of it1 but the fact that one   
has not to think about security4 ,i am  
not afraid of anything that may happen1 
and there is no weariness of thought4   
,one does not think till one is tired1  
but till one has finished thinking4     
,yes1 said ,amroth1 that was the misery 
of the poor body6  ,and yet ,i used to  
think1 ,i said1 in the old days that ,i 
was grateful to the body for many       
pleasant things it gave me--breathing   
the air1 feeling the sun1 eating and    
drinking1 games and exercise1 and the   
strange thing one called love4  ,yes1   
said ,amroth1 all those things have to  

be made pleasant1 or to appear so2      
otherwise no one could submit to the    
discipline at all2 but of course the    
pleasure only got in the way of the     
thought and of the happiness2 it was not
 what one saw1 tasted1 smelt1 felt1 that
 one desired1 but the real thing behind 
it2 even the purest thing of all1 the   
sight and contact of one whom one loved1
 let us say1 with no sensual passion at 
all1 but with a perfectly pure love2    
what a torment that was--desiring       
something which one could not get1 the  
real fusion of feeling and thought6 ,but
 the poor body was always in the way    
then1 saying1 ',here am ,i--please me1  
amuse me4'  ,but then1 ,i said1 what is 
the use of all that8 ,why should the    
pure1 clear1 joyful1 sleepless life ,i  
now feel be tainted and hampered and    
drugged by the body8 ,i don't feel that 
,i am losing anything by losing the     
body4  ,no1 not losing1 said ,amroth1   
but1 happy though you are1 you are not  
gaining things as fast now--it is your  

time of rest and refreshment--but we    
shall go back1 both of us1 to the other 
life again1 when the time comes3 and the
 point is this1 that we have got to win 
the best things through trouble and     
struggle4  ,but even so1 ,i said1 there 
are many things ,i do not               
understand--the child that opens its    
eyes upon the world and closes them     
again2 the young child that suffers and 
dies1 just when it is the darling of the
 home2 and at the other end of the      
scale1 the helpless1 fractious invalid1 
or the old man who lives in weariness1  
wakeful and tortured1 and who is glad   
just to sit in the sun1 indifferent to  
every one and everything1 past feeling  
and hoping and thinking--or1 worst of   
all1 the people with diseased minds1    
whose pain makes them suspicious and    
malignant4 ,what is the meaning of all  
this pain1 which seems to do people     
nothing but harm1 and makes them a      
burden to themselves and others too8    
,oh1 said he1 it is difficult enough2   

but you must remember that we are all   
bound up with the hearts and lives of   
others2 the child that dies in its      
helplessness has a meaning for its      
parents2 the child that lives long      
enough to be the light of its home1 that
 has a significance deep enough2 and all
 those who have to tend and care for the
 sick1 to lighten the burden and the    
sorrow for them1 that has a meaning     
surely for all concerned8 ,the reason   
why we feel as we do about broken lives1
 why they seem so utterly purposeless1  
is because we have the proportion so    
wrong4 ,we do not really1 in fact1      
believe in immortality1 when we are     
bound in the body--some few of us do1   
and many of us say that we do4 ,but we  
do not realise that the little life is  
but one in a great chain of lives1 that 
each spirit lives many times1 over and  
over4 ,there is no such thing as waste  
or sacrifice of life4 ,the life is meant
 to do just what it does1 no more and no
 less2 bound in the body1 it all seems  

so long or so short1 so complete or so  
incomplete2 but now and here we can see 
that the whole thing is so endless1 so  
immense1 that we think no more of       
entering life1 say1 for a few days1 or  
entering it for ninety years1 than we   
should think of counting one or ninety  
water-drops in the river that pours in a
 cataract over the lip of the rocks4    
,where we do lose1 in life1 is in not   
taking the particular experience1 be it 
small or great1 to heart4 ,we try to    
forget things1 to put them out of our   
minds1 to banish them4 ,of course it is 
very hard to do otherwise1 in a body so 
finite1 tossed and whirled in a stream  
so infinite2 and thus we are happiest if
 we can live very simply and quietly1   
not straining to multiply our uneasy    
activities1 but just getting the most   
and the best out of the elements of life
 as they come to us4 ,as we get older in
 spirit1 we do that naturally2 the      
things that men call ambitions and      
schemes are the signs of immaturity2 and

 when we grow older1 those slip off us  
and concern us no more2 while the real  
vitality of feeling and emotion runs    
ever more clear and strong4  ,but1 ,i   
said1 can one revive the old lives at   
will8 ,can one look back into the long  
range of previous lives8 ,is that       
permitted8  ,yes1 of course it is       
permitted1 said ,amroth1 smiling2 there 
are no rules here2 but one does not care
 to do it overmuch4 ,one is just glad it
 is all done1 and that one has learnt   
the lesson4 ,look back if you           
like--there are all the lives behind    
you4  ,i had a curious sensation--,i saw
 myself suddenly a stalwart savage1     
strangely attired for war1 near a hut in
 a forest clearing4 ,i was going away   
somewhere2 there were other huts at     
hand2 there was a fire1 in the side of a
 mound1 where some women seemed to be   
cooking something and wrangling over it2
 the smoke went up into the still air4  
,a child came out of the hut1 and ran to
 me4 ,i bent down and kissed it1 and it 

clung to me4 ,i was sorry1 in a dim way1
 to be going out--for ,i saw other      
figures armed too1 standing about the   
clearing4 ,there was to be fighting that
 day1 and though ,i wished to fight1 ,i 
thought ,i might not return4 ,but the   
mind of myself1 as ,i discerned it1 was 
full of hurtful1 cruel1 rapacious       
thoughts1 and ,i was sad to think that  
this could ever have been ,i4  ,it is   
not very nice1 said ,amroth with a      
smile2 one does not care to revive that6
 ,you were young then1 and had much     
before you4  ,another picture flashed   
into the mind4 ,was it true8 ,i was a   
woman1 it seemed1 looking out of a      
window on the street in a town with     
high1 dark houses1 strongly built of    
stone3 there was a towered gate at a    
little distance1 with some figures      
drawing up sacks with a pulley to a door
 in the gate4 ,a man came up behind me1 
pulled me roughly back1 and spoke       
angrily2 ,i answered him fiercely and   
shrilly4 ,the room ,i was in seemed to  

be a shop or store2 there were barrels  
of wine1 and bags of corn4 ,i felt that 
,i was busy and anxious--it was not a   
pleasant retrospect4  ,yet you were     
better then1 said ,amroth you thought   
little of your drudgery1 and much of    
your children4  ,yes1 ,i had had        
children1 ,i saw4 ,their names and      
appearance floated before me4 ,i had    
loved them tenderly4 ,had they passed   
out of my life8 ,i felt bewildered4     
,amroth laid a hand on my arm and smiled
 again4 ,no1 you came near to some of   
them again4 ,do you not remember another
 life in which you loved a friend with a
 strange love1 that surprised you by its
 nearness8 ,he had been your child long 
before2 and one never quite loses that4 
,i saw in a flash the other life he     
spoke of4 ,i was a student1 it seemed1  
at some university1 where there was a   
boy of my own age1 a curious1 wilful1   
perverse1 tactless creature1 always     
saying and doing the wrong thing1 for   
whom ,i had felt a curious and          

unreasonable responsibility4 ,i had     
always tried to explain him to other    
people1 to justify him2 and he had      
turned to me fop help and companionship 
in a singular way4 ,i saw myself walking
 with him in the country1 expostulating1
 gesticulating2 and ,i saw him angry and
 perplexed4444 ,the vision vanished4    
,but what becomes of all those whom we  
have loved8 ,i said2 it cannot be as if 
we had never loved them4  ,no1 indeed1  
said ,amroth1 they are all there or     
here2 but there lies one of the great   
mysteries which we cannot yet attain to4
 ,we shall be all brought together some 
time1 closely and perfectly2 but even   
now1 in the world of matter1 the spirit 
half remembers2 and when one is         
strangely and lovingly drawn to another 
soul1 when that love is not of the body1
 and has nothing of passion in it1 then 
it is some close ancient tie reasserting
 itself4 ,do you not know how old and   
remote some of our friendships          
seemed--so much older and larger than   

could be accounted for by the brief days
 of companionship8 ,that strange hunger 
for the past of one we love is nothing  
but the faint memory of what has been4  
,indeed1 when you have rested happily a 
little longer1 you will move farther    
afield1 and you will come near to       
spirits you have loved4 ,you cannot bear
 it yet1 though they are all about you2 
but one regains the spiritual sense     
slowly after a life like yours4  ,can ,i
 revisit1 ,i said1 the scene of my last 
life--see and know what those ,i loved  
are doing and feeling8  ,not yet1 said  
,amroth2 that would not profit either   
you or them4 ,the sorrow of earth would 
not be sorrow1 it would have no         
cleansing power1 if the parted spirit   
could return at once4 ,you do not guess1
 either1 how much of time has passed    
already since you came here--it seems to
 you like yesterday1 no doubt1 since you
 last suffered death4 ,to meet loss and 
sorrow upon earth1 without either       
comfort or hope1 is one of the finest of

 lessons4 ,when we are there1 we must   
live blindly1 and if we here could make 
our presence known at once to the       
friends we leave behind1 it would be all
 too easy4 ,it is in the silence of     
death that its virtue lies4  ,yes1 ,i   
said1 ,i do not desire to return4 ,this 
is all too wonderful4 ,it is the        
freshness and sweetness of it all that  
comes home to me4 ,i do not desire to   
think of the body1 and1 strange to say1 
if ,i do think of it1 the times that ,i 
remember gratefully are those when the  
body was faint and weary4 ,the old joys 
and triumphs1 when one laughed and loved
 and exulted1 seem to me to have        
something ugly about them1 because one  
was content1 and wished things to remain
 for ever as they were4 ,it was the     
longing for something different that    
helped me2 the acquiescence was the     
shame4     ,,vi   ,one day ,i said to   
,amroth1 ,what a comfort it is to find  
that there is no religion here6  ,i know
 what you mean1 he said4 ,i think it is 

one of the things that one wonders at   
most1 to remember into how very small   
and narrow a thing religion was made1   
and how much that was religious was     
never supposed to be so4  ,yes1 ,i said1
 as ,i think of it now1 it seems to have
 been a game played by a few players1 a 
game with a great many rules4  ,yes1 he 
said1 it was a game often enough2 but of
 course the mischief of it was1 that    
when it was most a game it most         
pretended to be something else--to      
contain the secret of life and all      
knowledge4  ,i used to think1 ,i said1  
that religion was like a noble and      
generous boy with the lyrical heart of a
 poet1 made by some sad chance into a   
king1 surrounded by obsequious respect  
and pomp and etiquette1 bound by a      
hundred ceremonious rules1 forbidden to 
do this and that1 taught to think that  
his one duty was to be magnificently    
attired1 to acquire graceful arts of    
posture and courtesy1 subtly and gently 
prevented from obeying natural and      

simple impulses1 made powerless--a      
crowned slave2 so that1 instead of being
 the freest and sincerest thing in the  
world1 it became the prisoner of        
respectability and convention1 just a   
part of the social machine4  ,that was  
only one side of it1 said ,amroth4 ,it  
was often where it was least supposed to
 be4  ,yes1 ,i said1 as far as ,i resent
 anything now1 ,i resent the conversion 
of so much religion from an inspiring   
force into a repressive force4 ,one     
learnt as a child to think of it1 not as
 a great moving flood of energy and joy1
 but as an awful power apart from life1 
rejoicing in petty restrictions1 and    
mainly concerned with creating an unreal
 atmosphere of narrow piety1 hostile to 
natural talk and laughter and freedom4  
,god's aid was invoked1 in childhood1   
mostly when one was naughty and         
disobedient1 so that one grew to think  
of ,him as grim1 severe1 irritable1     
anxious to interfere4 ,what wonder that 
one lost all wish to meet ,god and all  

natural desire to know ,him6 ,one       
thought of ,him as impossible to please 
except by behaving in a way in which it 
was not natural to behave2 and one      
thought of religion as a stern and      
dreadful process going on somewhere1    
like a law-court or a prison1 which one 
had to keep clear of if one could4 ,yet 
,i hardly see how1 in the interests of  
discipline1 it could have been avoided4 
,if only one could have begun at the    
other end6  ,yes1 said ,amroth1 but that
 is because religion has fallen so much 
into the hands of the wrong people1 and 
is grievously misrepresented4 ,it has   
too often come to be identified1 as you 
say1 with human law1 as a power which   
leaves one severely alone1 if one       
behaves oneself1 and which punishes     
harshly and mechanically if one outsteps
 the limit4 ,it comes into the world as 
a great joyful motive2 and then it      
becomes identified with respectability1 
and it is sad to think that it is simply
 from the fact that it has won the      

confidence of the world that it gains   
its awful power of silencing and        
oppressing4 ,it becomes hostile to      
frankness and independence1 and puts a  
premium on caution and submissiveness2  
but that is the misuse of it and the    
degradation of it2 and religion is still
 the most pure and beautiful thing in   
the world for all that2 the doctrine    
itself is fine and true in a way1 if one
 can view it without impatience2 it     
upholds the right things2 it all makes  
for peace and order1 and even for       
humility and just kindliness2 it        
insists1 or tries to insist1 on the fact
 that property and position and material
 things do not matter1 and that quality 
and method do matter4 ,of course it is  
terribly distorted1 and gets into the   
hands of the wrong people--the people   
who want to keep things as they are4    
,now the ,gospel1 as it first came1 was 
a perfectly beautiful thing--the idea   
that one must act by tender impulse1    
that one must always forgive1 and       

forget1 and love2 that one must take a  
natural joy in the simplest things1 find
 every one and everything interesting   
and delightful 444 the perfectly        
natural1 just1 good-humoured1           
uncalculating life--that was the idea of
 it2 and that one was not to be superior
 to the hard facts of the world1 not to 
try to put sorrow or pain out of sight1 
but to live eagerly and hopefully in    
them and through them2 not to try to    
school oneself into hardness or         
indifference1 but to love lovable       
things1 and not to condemn or despise   
the unlovable4 ,that was indeed a       
message out of the very heart of ,god4  
,but of course all the acrid divisions  
and subdivisions of it come1 not from   
itself1 but from the material part of   
the world1 that determines to traffic   
with the beautiful secret1 and make it  
serve its turn4 ,but there are plenty of
 true souls within it all1 true         
teachers1 faithful learners--and the    
world cannot do without it yet1 though  

it is strangely fettered and bound4     
,indeed1 men can never do without it1   
because the spiritual force is there2 it
 is full of poetry and mystery1 that    
ageless brotherhood of saints and       
true-hearted disciples2 but one has to  
learn that many that claim its powers   
have them not1 while many who are       
outside all organisations have the      
secret4  ,yes1 ,i said1 all that is true
 and good2 it is the exclusive claim and
 not the inclusive which one regrets4   
,it is the voice which says1 ',accept my
 exact faith1 or you have no part in the
 inheritance1' which is wrong4 ,the real
 voice of religion is that which says1  
',you are my brother and my sister1     
though you know it not4' ,and if one    
says1 ',we are all at fault1 we are all 
far from the truth1 but we live as best 
we can1 looking for the larger hope and 
for the dawn of love1' that is the      
secret4 ,the sacrament of ,god is       
offered and eaten at many a social meal1
 and the ,spirit of ,love finds         

utterance in quiet words from smiling   
lips4 ,one cannot teach by harsh        
precept1 only by desirable example2 and 
the worst of the correct profession of  
religion is that it is often little more
 than taking out a licence to           
disapprove4  ,yes1 said ,amroth1 you are
 very near a great truth4 ,the mistake  
we make is like the mistake so often    
made on earth in matters of human       
government--the opposing of the         
individual to the ,state1 as if the     
,state were something above and         
different to the individual--like the   
old thought of the ,spirit moving on the
 face of the waters4 ,the individual is 
the ,state2 and it is the same with the 
soul and ,god4 ,god is not above the    
soul1 seeing and judging1 apart in      
isolation4 ,the ,spirit of ,god is the  
spirit of humanity1 the spirit of       
admiration1 the spirit of love4 ,it     
matters little what the soul admires and
 loves1 whether it be a flower or a     
mountain1 a face or a cause1 a gem or a 

doctrine4 ,it is that wonderful power   
that the current of the soul has of     
setting towards something that is       
beautiful3 the need to admire1 to       
worship1 to love4 ,a regiment of        
soldiers in the street1 a procession of 
priests to a sanctuary1 a march of      
disordered women clamouring for their   
rights--if the idea thrills you1 if it  
uplifts you1 it matters nothing whether 
other people dislike or despise or      
deride it--it is the voice of ,god for  
you4 ,we must advance from what is      
merely brilliant to what is true2 and   
though in the single life many a man    
seems to halt at a certain point1 to    
have tied up his little packet of       
admirations once and for all1 there are 
other lives where he will pass on to    
further loves1 his passion growing more 
intense and pure4 ,we are not limited by
 our circle1 by our generation1 by our  
age2 and the things which youthful      
spirits are divining and proclaiming as 
great and wonderful discoveries1 are    

often being practised and done by silent
 and humble souls4 ,it is not the       
concise or impressive statement of a    
truth that matters1 it is the intensity 
of the inner impulse towards what is    
high and true which differentiates4 ,the
 more we live by that1 the less are we  
inclined to argue and dispute about it4 
,the base1 the impure desire is only the
 imperfect desire2 if it is gratified1  
it reveals its imperfections1 and the   
soul knows that not there can it stay2  
but it must have faced and tested       
everything4 ,if the soul1 out of        
timidity and conventionality1 says ',no'
 to its eager impulses1 it halts upon   
its pilgrimage4 ,some of the most       
grievous and shameful lives on earth    
have been fruitful enough in reality4   
,the reason why we mourn and despond    
over them is1 again1 that we limit our  
hope to the single life4 ,there is time 
for everything2 we must not be          
impatient4 ,we must despair of nothing  
and of no one2 the true life consists   

not in what a man's reason approves or  
disapproves1 not in what he does or     
says1 but in what he sees4 ,it is       
useless to explain things to souls2 they
 must experience them to apprehend them4
 ,the one treachery is to speak of      
mistakes as irreparable1 and of sins as 
unforgivable4 ,the sin against the      
,spirit is to doubt the ,spirit1 and the
 sin against life is not to use it      
generously and freely2 we are happiest  
if we love others well enough to give   
our life to them2 but it is better to   
use life for ourselves than not to use  
it at all4     ,,vii   ,one day ,i said 
to ,amroth1 ,are there no rules of life 
here8 ,it seems almost too good to be   
true1 not to be found fault with and    
censured and advised and blamed4  ,oh1  
said ,amroth1 laughing1 there are plenty
 of rules1 as you call them2 but one    
feels them1 one is not told them2 it is 
like breathing and seeing4  ,yes1 ,i    
replied1 yet it was like that1 too1 in  
the old days2 the misery was when one   

suddenly discovered that when one was   
acting in what seemed the most natural  
way possible1 it gave pain and concern  
to some one whom one respected and even 
loved4 ,one knew that one's action was  
not wrong1 and yet one desired to please
 and satisfy one's friends2 and so one  
fell back into conventional ways1 not   
because one liked them but because other
 people did1 and it was not worth while 
making a fuss--it was a sort of         
cowardice1 ,i suppose8  ,not quite1 said
 ,amroth2 you were more on the right    
lines than the people who interfered    
with you1 no doubt2 but of course the   
truth is that our principles ought to be
 used1 like a stick1 to support         
ourselves1 not like a rod to beat other 
people with4 ,the most difficult people 
to teach1 as you will see hereafter1 are
 the self-righteous people1 whose lives 
are really pure and good1 but who allow 
their preferences about amusements1     
occupations1 ways of life1 to become    
matters of principle4 ,the worst        

temptation in the world is the habit of 
influence and authority1 the desire to  
direct other lives and to conform them  
to one's own standard4 ,the only way in 
which we can help other people is by    
loving them2 by frightening another out 
of something which he is apt to do and  
of which one does not approve1 one      
effects absolutely nothing3 sin cannot  
be scared away2 the spirit must learn to
 desire to cast it away1 because it sees
 that goodness is beautiful and fine2   
and this can only be done by example1   
never by precept4  ,but it is the entire
 absence of both that puzzles me here1  
,i said4 ,nothing to do and a friend to 
talk to2 it's a lazy business1 ,i think4
  ,amroth looked at me with amusement4  
,it's a sign1 he said1 if you feel that1
 that you are getting rested1 and ready 
to move on2 but you will be very much   
surprised when you know a little more   
about the life here4 ,you are like a    
baby in a cradle at present2 when you   
come to enter one of our communities    

here1 you will find it as complicated a 
business as you could wish4 ,part of the
 difficulty is that there are no rules1 
to use your own phrase4 ,it is real     
democracy1 but it is not complicated by 
any questions of property1 which is the 
thing that clogs all political progress 
in the world below4 ,there is nothing to
 scheme for1 no ambitions to gratify1   
nothing to gain at the expense of       
others2 the only thing that matters is  
one's personal relation to others2 and  
this is what makes it at once so simple 
and so complex4 ,but ,i do not think it 
is of any use to tell you all this2 you 
will see it in a flash1 when the time   
comes4 ,but it may be as well for you to
 remember that there will be no one to  
command you or compel you or advise you4
 ,your own heart and spirit will be your
 only guides4 ,there is no such thing as
 compulsion or force in heaven4 ,nothing
 can be done to you that you do not     
choose or allow to be done4  ,yes1 ,i   
said1 it is the blessed and beautiful   

sense of freedom from all ties and      
influences and fears that is so utterly 
blissful4  ,but this is not all1 said   
,amroth1 shaking his head with a smile4 
,this is a time of rest for you1 but    
things are very different elsewhere4    
,when you come to enter heaven itself1  
you will be constantly surprised4 ,there
 are labour and fear and sorrow to be   
faced2 and you must not think it is a   
place for drifting pleasantly along4    
,the moral struggle is the same--indeed 
it is fiercer and stronger than ever1   
because there is no bodily languor or   
fatigue to distract4 ,there are choices 
to be made1 duties to perform1 evil to  
be faced4 ,the bodily temptations are   
absent1 but there is still that which   
lay behind the bodily                   
frailties--curiosity1 love of sensation1
 excitement1 desire2 the strong duality 
of nature--the knowledge of duty on the 
one hand and the indolent shrinking from
 performance--that is all there2 there  
is the same sense of isolation1 and the 

same need for patient endeavour as upon 
earth4 ,all that one gets is a certain  
freedom of movement2 one is not bound to
 places and employments by the material 
ties of earth2 but you must not think   
that it is all to be easy and           
straightforward4 ,we can each of us by  
using our wills shorten our probation1  
by not resisting influences1 by putting 
our hearts and minds in unison with the 
will of ,god for us2 and that is easier 
in heaven than upon earth1 because there
 is less to distract us4 ,but on the    
other hand1 there is more temptation to 
drift1 because there are no material    
consequences to stimulate us4 ,there are
 many people on earth who exercise a    
sort of practical virtue simply to avoid
 material inconveniences1 while there is
 no such motive in heaven2 ,i say all   
this not to disturb your present        
tranquillity1 which it is your duty now 
to enjoy1 but just to prepare you4 ,you 
must be prepared for effort and for     
endeavour1 and even for strife4 ,you    

must use right judgment1 and1 above all1
 common sense2 one does not get out of  
the reach of that in heaven6     ,,viii 
,these are only some of the many talks  
,i had with ,amroth4 ,they ranged over a
 great many subjects and thoughts4 ,what
 ,i cannot indicate1 however1 is the    
lightness and freshness of them2 and    
above all1 their entire frankness and   
amusingness4 ,there were times when we  
talked like two children1 revived old   
simple adventures of life--he had lived 
far more largely and fully than ,i had  
done--and ,i never tired of hearing the 
tales of his old lives1 so much more    
varied and wonderful than my own4       
,sometimes we merely told each other    
stories out of our imaginations and     
hearts4 ,we even played games1 which ,i 
cannot describe1 but they were like the 
games of earth4 ,we seemed at times to  
walk and wander together2 but ,i had a  
sense all this time that ,i was1 so to  
speak1 in hospital1 being tended and    
cared for1 and not allowed to do        

anything wearisome or demanding effort4 
,but ,i became more and more aware of   
other spirits about me1 like birds that 
chirp and twitter in the ivy of a tower1
 or in the thick bushes of a shrubbery4 
,amroth told me one day that ,i must    
prepare for a great change soon1 and ,i 
found myself wondering what it would be 
like1 half excited about it1 and half   
afraid1 unwilling as ,i was to lose the 
sweet rest1 and the dear companionship  
of a friend who seemed like the crown   
and sum of all hopes of friendship4     
,amroth became utterly dear to me1 and  
it was a joy beyond all joys to feel his
 happy and smiling nature bent upon me1 
hour by hour1 in sympathy and           
understanding and love4 ,he said to me  
laughingly once that ,i had much of     
earth about me yet1 and that ,i must    
soon learn not to bend my thoughts so   
exclusively one way and on one friend4  
,yes1 ,i said1 ,i am not fit for heaven 
yet6 ,i believe ,i am jealous2 ,i cannot
 bear to think that you will leave me1  

or that any other soul deserves your    
attention4  ,oh1 he said lightly1 this  
is my business and delight now--but you 
will soon have to do for others what ,i 
am doing for you4 ,you like this easy   
life at present1 but you can hardly     
imagine how interesting it is to have   
some one given you for your own1 as you 
were given to me4 ,it is the delight of 
motherhood and fatherhood in one2 and   
when ,i was allowed to take you away out
 of the room where you lay--,i admit it 
was not a pleasant scene--,i felt just  
like a child who is given a kitten for  
its very own4  ,well1 ,i said1 ,i have  
been a very satisfactory pet--,i have   
done little else but purr4 ,i felt his  
eyes upon me in a wonderful nearness of 
love2 and then ,i looked up and ,i saw  
that we were not alone4  ,it was then   
that ,i first perceived that there could
 be grief in heaven4 ,i say first       
perceived1 but ,i had known it all      
along4 ,but by ,amroth's gentle power   
that had been for a time kept away from 

me1 that ,i might rest and rejoice4     
,the form before me was that of a very  
young and beautiful woman--so beautiful 
that for a moment all my thought seemed 
to be concentrated upon her4 ,but ,i    
saw1 too1 that all was not well with    
her4 ,she was not at peace with herself1
 or her surroundings4 ,in her great wide
 eyes there was a look of pain1 and of  
rebellious pain4 ,she was attired in a  
robe that was a blaze of colour2 and    
when ,i wondered at this1 for it was    
unlike the clear hues1 pearly grey and  
gold1 and soft roseate light that had   
hitherto encompassed me1 the voice of   
,amroth answered my unuttered question1 
and said1 ,it is the image of her       
thought4 ,her slim white hands moved    
aimlessly over the robe1 and seemed to  
finger the jewels which adorned it4 ,her
 lips were parted1 and anything more    
beautiful than the pure curves of her   
chin and neck ,i had seldom seen1 though
 she seemed never to be still1 as       
,amroth was still1 but to move          

restlessly and wearily about4 ,i knew by
 a sort of intuition that she was       
unaware of ,amroth and only aware of    
myself4 ,she seemed startled and        
surprised at the sight of me1 and ,i    
wondered in what form ,i appeared to    
her2 in a moment she spoke1 and her     
voice was low and thrilling4  ,i am so  
glad1 she said in a half-courteous1     
half-distracted way1 to find some one in
 the place to whom ,i can speak4 ,i seem
 to be always moving in a crowd1 and yet
 to see no one--they are afraid of me1  
,i think2 and it is not what ,i         
expected1 not what ,i am used to4 ,i am 
in need of help1 ,i feel1 and yet ,i do 
not know what sort of help it is that ,i
 want4 ,may ,i stay with you a little8  
,why1 yes1 ,i said2 there is no question
 of 'may' here4  ,she came up to me with
 a sort of proud confidence1 and looked 
at me fixedly4 ,yes1 she said1 ,i see   
that ,i can trust you2 and ,i am tired  
of being deceived6 ,then she added with 
a sort of pettishness1 ,i have nowhere  

to go1 nothing to do--it is all dull and
 cold4 ,on earth it was just the        
opposite4 ,i had only too much attention
 and love4444 ,oh1 yes1 she added with a
 strange glance1 it was what you would  
probably call sinful4 ,the only man ,i  
ever loved did not care for me1 and ,i  
was loved by many for whom ,i did not   
care4 ,well1 ,i had my pleasures1 and ,i
 suppose ,i must pay for them4 ,i do not
 complain of that4 ,but ,i am determined
 not to give way3 it is unjust and      
cruel4 ,i never had a chance4 ,i was    
always brought up to be admired from the
 first4 ,we were rich at my home1 and in
 society--you understand8 ,i made what  
was called a good match1 and ,i never   
cared for my husband1 but amused myself 
with other people2 and it was splendid  
while it lasted3 then all kinds of      
horrible things happened--scenes1       
explanations1 a lawsuit--it makes me    
shudder to remember it all2 and then ,i 
was ill1 ,i suppose1 and suddenly it was
 all over1 and ,i was alone1 with a     

feeling that ,i must try to take up with
 all kinds of tiresome things--all the  
things that bored me most4 ,but now it  
may be going to be better2 you can tell 
me where ,i can find people1 perhaps8 ,i
 am not quite unpresentable1 even here8 
,no1 ,i can see that in your face4      
,well1 take me somewhere1 show me       
something1 find something for me to do  
in this deadly place4 ,i seem to have   
got into a perpetual sunset1 and ,i am  
so sick of it all4  ,i felt very        
helpless before this beautiful creature 
who seemed so troubled and discontented4
 ,no1 said the voice of ,amroth beside  
me1 it is of no use to talk2 let her    
talk to you2 let her make friends with  
you if she can4  ,that's better1 she    
said1 looking at me4 ,i was afraid you  
were going to be grave and serious4 ,i  
felt for a minute as if ,i was going to 
be confirmed4  ,no1 ,i said1 you need   
not be disturbed2 nothing will be done  
to you against your wish4 ,one has but  
to wish here1 or to be willing1 and the 

right thing happens4  ,she came close to
 me as ,i said this1 and said1 ,well1 ,i
 think ,i shall like you1 if only you   
can promise not to be serious4 ,then she
 turned1 and stood for a moment         
disconsolate1 looking away from me4     
,all this while the atmosphere around me
 had been becoming lighter and clearer1 
as though a mist were rising4 ,suddenly 
,amroth said1 ,you will have to go with 
her for a time1 and do what you can4 ,i 
must leave you for a little1 but ,i     
shall not be far off2 and if you need   
me1 ,i shall be at hand4 ,but do not    
call for me unless you are quite sure   
you need me4 ,he gave me a hand-clasp   
and a smile1 and was gone4  ,then1      
looking about me1 ,i saw at last that ,i
 was in a place4 ,lonely and bare though
 it was1 it seemed to me very beautiful4
 ,it was like a grassy upland1 with     
rocky heights to left and right4 ,they  
were most delicate in outline1 those    
crags1 like the crags in an old picture1
 with sharp1 smooth curves1 like a      

fractured crystal4 ,they seemed to be of
 a creamy stone1 and the shadows fell   
blue and distinct4 ,down below was a    
great plain full of trees and waters1   
all very dim4 ,a path1 worn lightly in  
the grass1 lay at my feet1 and ,i knew  
that we must descend it4 ,the girl with 
me--,i will call her ,cynthia--was      
gazing at it with delight4 ,ah1 she     
said1 ,i can see clearly now4 ,this is  
something like a real place1 instead of 
mist and light4 ,we can find people down
 here1 no doubt2 it looks inhabited out 
there4 ,she pointed with her hand1 and  
it seemed to me that ,i could see spires
 and towers and roofs1 of a fine and    
airy architecture1 at the end of a long 
horn of water which lay very blue among 
the woods of the plain4 ,it puzzled me1 
because ,i had the sense that it was all
 unreal1 and1 indeed1 ,i soon perceived 
that it was the girl's own thought that 
in some way affected mine4 ,quick1 let  
us go1 she said2 what are we waiting    
for8  ,the descent was easy and gradual4

 ,we came down1 following the path1 over
 the hill-shoulders4 ,a stream of clear 
water dripped among stones2 it all      
brought back to me with an intense      
delight the recollection of long days   
spent among such hills in holiday times 
on earth1 but all without regret2 ,i    
only wished that an old and dear friend 
of mine1 with whom ,i had often gone1   
might be with me4 ,he had quitted life  
before me1 and ,i knew somehow or hoped 
that ,i should before long see him2 but 
,i did not wish things to be otherwise2 
and1 indeed1 ,i had a strange interest  
in the fretful1 silly1 lovely girl with 
me1 and in what lay before us4 ,she     
prattled on1 and seemed to be recovering
 her spirits and her confidence at the  
sights around us4 ,if ,i could but find 
anything that would draw her out of her 
restless mood into the peace of the     
morning6 ,she had a charm for me1 though
 her impatience and desire for amusement
 seemed uninteresting enough2 and ,i    
found myself talking to her as an elder 

brother might1 with terms of familiar   
endearment1 which she seemed to be      
grateful for4 ,it was strange in a way1 
and yet it all appeared natural4 ,the   
more we drew away from the hills1 the   
happier she became4 ,ah1 she said once1 
we have got out of that hateful place1  
and now perhaps we may be more          
comfortable1--and when we came down     
beside the stream to a grove of trees1  
and saw something which seemed like a   
road beneath us1 she was delighted4     
,that's more like it1 she said1 and now 
we may find some real people            
perhaps1--she turned to me with a       
smile--though you are real enough too1  
and very kind to me2 but ,i still have  
an idea that you are a clergyman1 and   
are only waiting your time to draw a    
moral4     ,,ix   ,now before ,i go on  
to tell the tale of what happened to us 
in the valley there were two very       
curious things that ,i observed or began
 to observe4  ,the first was that ,i    
could not really see into the girl's    

thought4 ,i became aware that though ,i 
could see into the thought of ,amroth as
 easily and directly as one can look    
into a clear sea-pool1 with all its     
rounded pebbles and its swaying fringes 
of seaweed1 there was in the girl's mind
 a centre of thought to which ,i was not
 admitted1 a fortress of personality    
into which ,i could not force my way4   
,more than that4 ,when she mistrusted or
 suspected me1 there came a kind of     
cloud out from the central thought1 as  
if a turbid stream were poured into the 
sea-pool1 which obscured her thoughts   
from me1 though when she came to know me
 and to trust me1 as she did later1 the 
cloud was gradually withdrawn2 and ,i   
perceived that there must be a perfect  
sacrifice of will1 an intention that the
 mind should lie open and unashamed     
before the thought of one's friend and  
companion1 before the vision can be     
complete4 ,with ,amroth ,i desired to   
conceal nothing1 and he had no          
concealment from me4 ,but with the girl 

it was different4 ,there was something  
in her heart that she hid from me1 and  
by no effort could ,i penetrate it2 and 
,i saw then that there is something at  
the centre of the soul which is our very
 own1 and into which ,god ,himself      
cannot even look1 unless we desire that 
,he should look2 and even if we desire  
that ,he should look into our souls1 if 
there is any timidity or shame or       
shrinking about us1 we cannot open our  
souls to ,him4 ,i must speak about this 
later1 when the great and wonderful day 
came to me1 when ,i beheld ,god and was 
beheld by ,him4 ,but now1 though when   
the girl trusted me ,i could see much of
 her thought1 the inmost cell of it was 
still hidden from me4  ,and then1 too1  
,i perceived another strange thing2 that
 the landscape in which we walked was   
very plain to me1 but that she did not  
see the same things that ,i saw4 ,with  
me1 the landscape was such as ,i had    
loved most in my last experience of     
life2 it was a land to me like the      

,english hill-country which ,i loved the
 best2 little fields of pasture mostly1 
with hedgerow ashes and sycamores1 and  
here and there a clear stream of water  
running by the wood-ends4 ,there were   
buildings1 too1 low white-walled farms1 
roughly slated1 much-weathered1 with    
evidences of homely life1 byre and barn 
and granary1 all about them4 ,these     
sloping fields ran up into high         
moorlands and little grey crags1 with   
the trees and thickets growing in the   
rock fronts4 ,i could not think that    
people lived in these houses and        
practised agriculture1 though ,i saw    
with surprise and pleasure that there   
were animals about1 horses and sheep    
grazing1 and dogs that frisked in and   
out4 ,i had always believed and hoped   
that animals had their share in the     
inheritance of light1 and now ,i thought
 that this was a proof that it was      
indeed so1 though ,i could not be sure  
of it1 because ,i realised that it might
 be but the thoughts of my mind taking  

shape1 for1 as ,i say1 ,i was gradually 
aware that the girl did not see what ,i 
saw4 ,to her it was a different scene1  
of some southern country1 because she   
seemed to see vineyards1 and high-walled
 lanes1 hill-crests crowded with houses 
and crowned with churches1 such as one  
sees at a distance in the ,campagna1    
where the plain breaks into             
chestnut-clad hills4 ,but this          
difference of sight did not make me feel
 that the scene was in any degree       
unreal2 it was the idea of the landscape
 which we loved1 its pretty associations
 and familiar features1 and the mind did
 the rest1 translating it all into a    
vision of scenes which had given us joy 
on earth1 just as we do in dreams when  
we are in the body1 when the sleeping   
mind creates sights which give us       
pleasure1 and yet we have no knowledge  
that we are ourselves creating them4 ,so
 we walked together1 until ,i perceived 
that we were drawing near to the town   
which we had discerned4  ,and now we    

became aware of people going to and fro4
 ,sometimes they stopped and looked upon
 us with smiles1 and even greetings2 and
 sometimes they went past absorbed in   
thought4  ,houses appeared1 both small  
wayside abodes and larger mansions with 
sheltered gardens4 ,what it all meant ,i
 hardly knew2 but just as we have       
perfectly decided tastes on earth as to 
what sort of a house we like and why we 
like it1 whether we prefer high1 bright 
rooms1 or rooms low and with subdued    
light1 so in that other country the mind
 creates what it desires4  ,presently   
the houses grew thicker1 and soon we    
were in a street--the town to my eyes   
was like the little towns one sees in   
the ,cotswold country1 of a beautiful   
golden stone1 with deep plinths and     
cornices1 with older and simpler        
buildings interspersed4 ,my companion   
became strangely excited1 glancing this 
way and that4 ,and presently1 as if we  
were certainly expected1 there came up  
to us a kindly and grave person1 who    

welcomed us formally to the place1 and  
said a few courteous words about his    
pleasure that we should have chosen to  
visit it4  ,i do not know how it was1   
but ,i did not wholly trust our host4   
,his mind was hidden from me2 and indeed
 ,i began to have a sense1 not of evil1 
indeed1 or of oppression1 but a feeling 
that it was not the place appointed for 
me1 but only where my business was to   
lie for a season4 ,a group of people    
came up to us and welcomed my companion 
with great cheerfulness1 and she was    
soon absorbed in talk4     ,x   ,now    
before ,i come to tell this next part of
 my story1 there are several things     
which seem in want of explanation4 ,i   
speak of people as looking old and      
young1 and of there being relations     
between them such as fatherly and       
motherly1 son-like and lover-like4 ,it  
bewildered me at first1 but ,i came to  
guess at the truth4 ,it would seem that 
in the further world spirits do preserve
 for a long time the characteristics of 

the age at which they last left the     
earth2 but ,i saw no very young children
 anywhere at first1 though ,i came      
afterwards to know what befell them4 ,it
 seemed to me that1 in the first place  
,i visited1 the only spirits ,i saw were
 of those who had been able to make a   
deliberate choice of how they would live
 in the world and which kind of desires 
they would serve2 it is very hard to say
 when this choice takes place in the    
world below1 but ,i came to believe     
that1 early or late1 there does come a  
time when there is an opening out of two
 paths before each human soul1 and when 
it realises that a choice must be made4 
,sometimes this is made early in life2  
but sometimes a soul drifts on1         
guileless in a sense1 though its life   
may be evil and purposeless1 not looking
 backwards or forwards1 but simply      
acting as its nature bids it act4 ,what 
it is that decides the awakening of the 
will ,i hardly know2 it is all a secret 
growth1 ,i think2 but the older that the

 spirit is1 in the sense of spiritual   
experience1 the earlier in mortal life  
that choice is made2 and this is only   
another proof of one of the things which
 ,amroth showed me1 that it is1 after   
all1 imagination which really makes the 
difference between souls1 and not       
intellect or shrewdness or energy2 all  
the real things of life--sympathy1 the  
power of entering into fine relations1  
however simple they may be1 with others1
 loyalty1 patience1 devotion1           
goodness--seem to grow out of this power
 of imagination2 and the reason why the 
souls of whom ,i am going to speak were 
so content to dwell where they were1 was
 simply that they had no imagination    
beyond1 but dwelt happily among the     
delights which upon earth are           
represented by sound and colour and     
scent and comeliness and comfort4 ,this 
was a perpetual surprise to me1 because 
,i saw in these fine creatures such a   
faculty of delicate perception1 that ,i 
could not help believing again and again

 that their emotions were as deep and   
varied too2 but ,i found little by      
little1 that they were all bent1 not on 
loving1 and therefore on giving         
themselves away to what they loved1 but 
in gathering in perceptions and         
sensations1 and finding their delight in
 them2 and ,i realised that what lies at
 the root of the artistic nature is its 
deep and vital indifference to anything 
except what can directly give it        
delight1 and that these souls1 for all  
their amazing subtlety and              
discrimination1 had very little hold on 
life at all1 except on its outer details
 and superficial harmonies2 and that    
they were all very young in experience1 
and like shallow waters1 easily troubled
 and easily appeased2 and that therefore
 they were being dealt with like        
children1 and allowed full scope for all
 their little sensitive fancies1 until  
the time should come for them to go     
further yet4 ,of course they were one   
degree older than the people who in the 

world had been really immersed in what  
may be called solid interests and       
serious pursuits--science1 politics1    
organisation1 warfare1 commerce--all    
these spirits were very youthful indeed1
 and they were1 ,i suppose1 in some very
 childish nursery of ,god4 ,but what    
first bewildered me was the finding of  
the earthly proportions of things so    
strangely reversed1 the serious matters 
of life so utterly set aside1 and so    
much made of the things which many      
people take no sort of trouble about1 as
 companionships and affections1 which   
are so often turned into a matter of    
mere propinquity and circumstance4 ,but 
of this ,i shall have to speak later in 
its place4  ,now it is difficult to     
describe the time ,i spent in the land  
of delight1 because it was all so unlike
 the life of the world1 and yet was so  
strangely like it4 ,there was work going
 on there1 ,i found1 but the nature of  
it ,i could not discern1 because that   
was kept hidden from me4 ,men and women 

excused themselves from our company1    
saying they must return to their work2  
but most of the time was spent in       
leisurely converse about things which ,i
 confess from the first did not interest
 me4 ,there was much wit and laughter1  
and there were constant games and       
assemblies and amusements4 ,there were  
feasts of delicious things1 music1      
dramas4 ,there were books read and      
discussed2 it was just like a very      
cultivated and civilised society4 ,but  
what struck me about the people there   
was that it was all very restless and   
highly-strung1 a perpetual tasting of   
pleasures1 which somehow never pleased4 
,there were two people there who        
interested me most4 ,one was a very     
handsome and courteous man1 who seemed  
to desire my company1 and spoke more    
freely than the rest2 the other a young 
man1 who was very much occupied with the
 girl1 my companion1 and made a great   
friendship with her4 ,the elder of the  
two1 for ,i must give them names1 shall 

be called ,charmides1 which seems to    
correspond with his stately charm1 and  
the younger may be known as ,lucius4  ,i
 sat one day with ,charmides1 listening 
to a great concert of stringed and wind 
instruments1 in a portico which gave on 
a large sheltered garden4 ,he was much  
absorbed in the music1 which was now of 
a brisk and measured beauty1 and now of 
a sweet seriousness which had a very    
luxurious effect upon my mind4 ,it is   
wonderful to me1 said ,charmides1 as the
 last movement drew to a close of liquid
 melody1 that these sounds should pass  
into the heart like wine1 heightening   
and uplifting the thought--there is     
nothing so beautiful as the             
discrimination of mood with which it    
affects one1 weighing one delicate      
phrase against another1 and finding all 
so perfect4  ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i can      
understand that2 but ,i must confess    
that there seems to me something wanting
 in the melodies of this place4 ,the    
music which ,i loved in the old days was

 the music which spoke to the soul of   
something further yet and unattainable2 
but here the music seems to have        
attained its end1 and to have fulfilled 
its own desire4  ,yes1 said ,charmides1 
,i know that you feel that2 your mind is
 very clear to me1 up to a certain      
point2 and ,i have sometimes wondered   
why you spend your time here1 because   
you are not one of us1 as your friend   
,cynthia is4  ,i glanced1 as he spoke1  
to where ,cynthia sat on a great carved 
settle among cushions1 side by side with
 ,lucius1 whispering to him with a      
smile4  ,no1 ,i said1 ,i do not think ,i
 have found my place yet1 but ,i am     
here1 ,i think1 for a purpose1 and ,i do
 not know what that purpose is4  ,well1 
he said1 ,i have sometimes wondered     
myself4 ,i feel that you may have       
something to tell me1 some message for  
me4 ,i thought that when ,i first saw   
you2 but ,i cannot quite perceive what  
is in your mind1 and ,i see that you do 
not wholly know what is in mine4 ,i have

 been here for a long time1 and ,i have 
a sense that ,i do not get on1 do not   
move2 and yet ,i have lived in extreme  
joy and contentment1 except that ,i     
dread to return to life1 as ,i know ,i  
must return4 ,i have lived often1 and   
always in joy--but in life there are    
constantly things to endure1 little     
things which just ruffle the serenity of
 soul which ,i desire1 and which ,i may 
fairly say ,i here enjoy4 ,i have loved 
beauty1 and not intemperately2 and there
 have been other people--men and        
women--whom ,i have loved1 in a sense2  
but the love of them has always seemed a
 sort of interruption to the life ,i    
desired1 something disordered and       
strained1 which hurt me1 and kept me    
away from the peace ,i desired--from the
 fine weighing of sounds and colours1   
and the pleasure of beautiful forms and 
lines2 and ,i dread to return to life1  
because one cannot avoid love and       
sorrow1 and mean troubles1 which waste  
the spirit in vain4  ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i  

can understand what you feel very well1 
because ,i too have known what it is to 
desire to live in peace and beauty1 not 
to be disturbed or fretted2 but the     
reason1 ,i think1 why it is dangerous1  
is not because life becomes too easy4   
,that is not the danger at all--life is 
never easy1 whatever it is6 ,but the    
danger is that it grows too solemn6 ,one
 is apt to become like a priest1 always 
celebrating holy mysteries1 always in a 
vision1 with no time for laughter1 and  
disputing1 and quarrelling1 and being   
silly and playing4 ,it is the poor body 
again that is amiss4 ,it is like the    
camel1 poor thing2 it groans and weeps1 
but it goes on4 ,one cannot live wholly 
in a vision2 and life does not become   
more simple so1 but more complicated1   
for one's time and energy are spent in  
avoiding the sordid and the tiresome    
things which one cannot and must not    
avoid4 ,i remember1 in an illness which 
,i had1 when ,i was depressed and       
fanciful1 a homely old doctor said to   

me1 ',don't be too careful of yourself3 
don't think you can't bear this and     
that--go out to dinner--eat and drink   
rather too much6' ,it seemed to be      
coarse advice1 but it was wise4  ,yes1  
said ,charmides1 it was wise2 but it is 
difficult to feel it so at the time4 ,i 
wonder6 ,i think perhaps ,i have made   
the mistake of being too fastidious4    
,but it seemed so fine a goal that one  
had in sight1 to chasten and temper all 
one's thoughts to what was beautiful--to
 judge and distinguish1 to choose the   
right tones and harmonies1 to be always 
rejecting and refining4 ,it had its     
sorrows1 of course4 ,how often in the   
old days one came in contact with some  
gracious and beautiful personality1 and 
flung oneself into close relations2 and 
then one began to see this and that     
flaw4 ,there were lapses in tact1       
petulances1 littlenesses2 one's friend  
did not rightly use his beautiful mind2 
he was jealous1 suspicious1 trivial1    
petty2 it ended in disillusionment4     

,instead of taking him as a passenger on
 one's vessel1 and determining to live  
at peace1 to overlook1 to accommodate1  
one began to watch for an opportunity of
 putting him down courteously at some   
stopping-place2 and instead of being    
grateful for his friendship1 one was    
vexed with him for disappointing one4   
,we must speak more of these things4 ,i 
seem to feel the want of something      
commoner and broader in my thoughts2 but
 in this place it is hard to change4    
,will you forgive me then1 ,i said1 if  
,i ask you plainly what this place is8  
,it seems very strange to me1 and yet ,i
 think ,i have been here before4        
,charmides looked at me with a smile4   
,it has been called1 he said1 by many   
ugly names1 and men have been           
unreasonably afraid of it4 ,it is the   
place of satisfied desire1 and1 as you  
see1 it is a comfortable place enough4  
,the theologians in their coarse way    
call it ,hell1 though that is a word    
which is forbidden here2 it is indeed a 

sort of treason to use the word1 because
 of its unfortunate association--and you
 can see with your own eyes that ,i have
 done wrong even to speak of it4  ,i    
looked round1 and saw indeed that a     
visible tremor had fallen on the groups 
about us2 it was as though a cold cloud1
 full of hail and darkness1 had floated 
over a sunny sky4 ,people were hurrying 
out of the garden1 and some were        
regarding us askance and with frowns of 
disapproval4 ,in a moment or two we were
 left alone4  ,i have been indiscreet1  
said ,charmides1 but ,i feel somehow in 
a rebellious mood2 and indeed it has    
long seemed absurd to me that you should
 be unaware of the fact1 and so         
obviously guileless6 ,but ,i will speak 
no more of this to-day4 ,people come and
 go here very strangely1 and ,i have    
sometimes wondered if it would not soon 
be time for me to go2 but it would be   
idle to pretend that ,i have not been   
happy here4     ,,xi   ,what ,charmides 
had told me filled me with great        

astonishment2 it seemed to me strange   
that ,i had not perceived the truth     
before4 ,it made me feel that ,i had    
somehow been wasting time4 ,i was       
tempted to call ,amroth to my side1 but 
,i remembered what he had said1 and ,i  
determined to resist the impulse4 ,i    
half expected to find that our strange  
talk1 and the very obvious disapproval  
of our words1 had made some difference  
to me4 ,but it was not the case4 ,i     
found myself treated with the same      
smiling welcome as before1 and indeed   
with an added kind of gentleness1 such  
as older people give to a child who has 
been confronted with some hard fact of  
life1 such as a sorrow or an illness4   
,this in a way disconcerted me2 for in  
the moment when ,i had perceived the    
truth1 there had come over me the       
feeling that ,i ought in some way to    
bestir myself to preach1 to warn1 to    
advise4 ,but the idea of finding any    
sort of fault with these contented1     
leisurely1 interested people1 seemed to 

me absurd1 and so ,i continued as       
before1 half enjoying the life about me1
 and half bored by it4 ,it seemed so    
ludicrous in any way to pity the        
inhabitants of the place1 and yet ,i    
dimly saw that none of them could       
possibly continue there4 ,but ,i soon   
saw that there was no question of       
advice1 because ,i had nothing to       
advise4 ,to ask them to be discontented1
 to suffer1 to inquire1 seemed as absurd
 as to ask a man riding comfortably in a
 carriage to get out and walk2 and yet  
,i felt that it was just that which they
 needed4 ,but one effect the incident   
had2 it somehow seemed to draw me more  
to ,cynthia4 ,there followed a time of  
very close companionship with her4 ,she 
sought me out1 she began to confide in  
me1 chattering about her happiness and  
her delight in her surroundings1 as a   
child might chatter1 and half chiding   
me1 in a tender and pretty way1 for not 
being more at ease in the place4 ,you   
always seem to me1 she said1 as if you  

were only staying here1 while ,i feel as
 if ,i could live here for ever4 ,of    
course you are very kind and patient    
about it all1 but you are not at        
home--and ,i don't care a bit about your
 disapproval now4 ,she talked to me much
 about ,lucius1 who seemed to have a    
great attraction for her4 ,he is all    
right1 she said4 ,there is no nonsense  
about him1--we understand each other2 ,i
 don't get tired of him1 and we like the
 same things4 ,i seem to know exactly   
what he feels about everything2 and that
 is one of the comforts of this place1  
that no one asks questions or makes     
mischief2 one can do just as one likes  
all the time4 ,i did not think1 when ,i 
was alive1 that there could be anything 
so delightful as all this ahead of me4  
,do you never think--8 ,i began1 but she
 put her hand to my lips1 like a child1 
to stop me1 and said1 ,no1 ,i never     
think1 and ,i never mean to think1 of   
all the old hateful things4 ,i never    
wilfully did any harm2 ,i only liked the

 people who liked me1 and gave them all 
they asked--and now ,i know that ,i did 
right1 though in old days serious people
 used to try to frighten me4 ,god is    
very good to me1 she went on1 smiling1  
to allow me to be happy in my own way4  
,while we talked thus1 sitting on a seat
 that overlooked the great city--,i had 
never seen it look so stately and       
beautiful1 so full of all that the heart
 could desire--,lucius himself drew near
 to us1 smiling1 and seated himself the 
other side of ,cynthia4 ,now is not this
 heavenly8 she said2 to be with the two 
people ,i like best--for you are a      
faithful old thing1 you know--and not to
 be afraid of anything disagreeable or  
tiresome happening--not to have to      
explain or make excuses1 what could be  
better8  ,yes1 said ,lucius1 it is happy
 enough1 and he smiled at me in a       
friendly way4 ,the pleasantest point is 
that one can wait in this charming      
place4 ,in the old days1 one was afraid 
of a hundred things--money1 weather1    

illness1 criticism4 ,one had to make    
love in a hurry1 because one missed the 
beautiful hour2 and then there was the  
horror of growing old4 ,but now if      
,cynthia chooses to amuse herself with  
other people1 what do ,i care8 ,she     
comes back as delightful as ever1 and it
 is only so much more to be amused      
about4 ,one is not even afraid of being 
lazy1 and as for those ugly twinges of  
what one called conscience--which were  
only a sort of rheumatism after         
all--that is all gone too2 and the      
delight of finding that one was right   
after all1 and that there were really no
 such things as consequences6  ,i became
 aware1 as ,lucius spoke thus1 in all   
his careless beauty1 of a vague trouble 
of soul4 ,i seemed to foresee a kind of 
conflict between myself and him4 ,he    
felt it too1 ,i was aware2 for he drew  
,cynthia to him1 and said something to  
her2 and presently they went off        
laughing1 like a pair of children1      
waving a farewell to me4 ,i experienced 

a sense of desolation1 knowing in my    
mind that all was not well1 and yet     
feeling so powerless to contend with    
happiness so strong and wide4     ,,xii 
,presently ,i wandered off alone1 and   
went out of the city with a sudden      
impulse4 ,i thought ,i would go in the  
opposite direction to that by which ,i  
had entered it4 ,i could see the great  
hills down which ,cynthia and ,i had    
made our way in the dawn2 but ,i had    
never gone in the further direction1    
where there stretched what seemed to be 
a great forest4 ,the whole place lay    
bathed in a calm light1 all unutterably 
beautiful4 ,i wandered long by streams  
and wood-ends1 every corner that ,i     
turned revealing new prospects of       
delight4 ,i came at last to the edge of 
the forest1 the mouths of little open   
glades running up into it1 with fern and
 thorn-thickets4 ,there were deer here  
browsing about the dingles1 which let me
 come close to them and touch them1     
raising their heads from the grass1 and 

regarding me with gentle and fearless   
eyes4 ,birds sang softly among the      
boughs1 and even fluttered to my        
shoulder1 as if pleased to be noticed4  
,so this was what was called on earth   
the place of torment1 a place into which
 it seemed as if nothing of sorrow or   
pain could ever intrude6  ,just on the  
edge of the wood stood a little cottage1
 surrounded by a quiet garden1 bees     
humming about the flowers1 the scents of
 which came with a homely sweetness on  
the air4 ,but here ,i saw something     
which ,i did not at first understand4   
,this was a group of three people1 a man
 and a woman and a boy of about         
seventeen1 beside the cottage porch4    
,they had a rustic air about them1 and  
the same sort of leisurely look that all
 the people of the land wore4 ,they were
 all three beautiful1 with a simple and 
appropriate kind of beauty1 such as     
comes of a contented sojourn in the open
 air4 ,but ,i became in a moment aware  
that there was a disturbing element     

among them4 ,the two elders seemed to be
 trying to persuade the boy1 who        
listened smilingly enough1 but half     
turned away from them1 as though he were
 going away on some errand of which they
 did not approve4 ,they greeted me1 as  
,i drew near1 with the same cordiality  
as one received everywhere1 and the man 
said1 ,perhaps you can help us1 sir1 for
 we are in a trouble8 ,the woman joined 
with a murmur in the request1 and ,i    
said ,i would gladly do what ,i could2  
while ,i spoke1 the boy watched me      
earnestly1 and something drew me to him1
 because ,i saw a look that seemed to   
tell me that he was1 like myself1 a     
stranger in the place4 ,then the man    
said1 ,we have lived here together very 
happily a long time1 we three--,i do not
 know how we came together1 but so it   
was2 and we have been more at ease than 
words can tell1 after hard lives in the 
other world2 and now this lad here1 who 
has been our delight1 says that he must 
go elsewhere and cannot stay with us2   

and we would persuade him if we could2  
and perhaps you1 sir1 who no doubt know 
what lies beyond the fields and woods   
that we see1 can satisfy him that it is 
better to remain4  ,while he spoke1 the 
other two had drawn near to me1 and the 
eyes of the woman dwelt upon the boy    
with a look of intent love1 while the   
boy looked in my face anxiously and     
inquiringly4 ,i could see1 ,i found1    
very deep into his heart1 and ,i saw in 
him a need for further experience1 and a
 desire to go further on2 and ,i knew at
 once that this could only be satisfied 
in one way1 and that something would    
grow out of it both for himself and for 
his companions4 ,so ,i said1 as         
smilingly as ,i could1 ,i do not indeed 
know much of the ways of this place1 but
 this ,i know1 that we must go where we 
are sent1 that no harm can befall us1   
and that we are never far away from     
those whom we love4 ,i myself have      
lately been sent to visit this strange  
land2 it seems only yesterday since ,i  

left the mountains yonder1 and yet ,i   
have seen an abundance of strange and   
beautiful things2 we must remember that 
here there is no sickness or misfortune 
or growing old2 and there is no reason1 
as there often seemed to be on earth1   
why we should fight against separation  
and departure4 ,no one can1 ,i think1 be
 hindered here from going where he is   
bound4 ,so ,i believe that you will let 
the boy go joyfully and willingly1 for  
,i am sure of this1 that his journey    
holds not only great things for himself1
 but even greater things for both of you
 in the future4 ,so be content and let  
him depart4  ,at this the woman said1   
,yes1 that is right1 the stranger is    
right1 and we must hinder the child no  
longer4 ,no harm can come of it1 but    
only good2 perhaps he will return1 or we
 may follow him1 when the day comes for 
that4  ,i saw that the old man was not  
wholly satisfied with this4 ,he shook   
his head and looked sadly on the boy2   
and then for a time we sat and talked of

 many things4 ,one thing that the old   
man said surprised me very greatly4 ,he 
seemed to have lived many lives1 and    
always lives of labour2 he had grown1 ,i
 gathered from his simple talk1 to have 
a great love of the earth1 the lives of 
flocks and herds1 and of all the plants 
that grew out of the earth or flourished
 in it4 ,i had thought before1 in a     
foolish way1 that all this might be put 
away from the spirit1 in the land where 
there was no need of such things2 but ,i
 saw now that there was a claim for     
labour1 and a love of common things1    
which did not belong only to the body1  
but was a real desire of the spirit4 ,he
 spoke of the pleasures of tending      
cattle1 of cutting fagots in the forest 
woodland among the copses1 of ploughing 
and sowing1 with the breath of the earth
 about one2 till ,i saw that the toil of
 the world1 which ,i had dimly thought  
of as a thing which no one would do if  
they were not obliged1 was a real       
instinct of the spirit1 and had its     

counterpart beyond the body4 ,i had     
supposed indeed that in a region where  
all troublous accidents of matter were  
over and done with1 and where there was 
no need of bodily sustenance1 there     
could be nothing which resembled the old
 weary toil of the body2 but now ,i saw 
gladly that this was not so1 and that   
the primal needs of the spirit outlast  
the visible world4 ,though my own life  
had been spent mostly among books and   
things of the mind1 ,i knew well the    
joys of the countryside1 the blossoming 
of the orchard-close1 the high-piled    
granary1 the brightly-painted waggon    
loaded with hay1 the creaking of the    
cider-press1 the lowing of cattle in the
 stall1 the stamping of horses in the   
stable1 the mud-stained implements      
hanging in the high-roofed1 cobwebbed   
barn4 ,i had never known why ,i loved   
these things so well1 and had invented  
many fancies to explain it2 but now ,i  
saw that it was the natural delight in  
work and increase2 and that the love    

which surrounded all these things was   
the sign that they were real indeed1 and
 that in no part of life could they be  
put away4 ,and then there came on me a  
sort of gentle laughter at the thought  
of how much of the religion of the world
 spent itself on bidding the heart turn 
away from vanities1 and lose itself in  
dreams of wonders and doctrines1 and    
what were called higher and holier      
things than barns and byres and         
sheep-pens4 ,yet the truth had been     
staring me in the face all the time1 if 
only ,i could have seen it2 that the    
sense of constraint and unreality that  
fell upon one in religious matters1 when
 some curious and intricate matter was  
confusedly expounded1 was perfectly     
natural and wholesome2 and that the real
 life of man lay in the things to which 
one returned1 on work-a-day mornings1   
with such relief--the acts of life1 the 
work of homestead1 library1 barrack1    
office1 and class-room1 the sight and   
sound of humanity1 the smiles and       

glances and unconsidered words4  ,when  
we had sat together for a time1 the boy 
made haste to depart4 ,we three went    
with him to the edge of the wood1 where 
a road passed up among the oaks4 ,the   
three embraced and kissed and said many 
loving words2 and then to ease the      
anxieties of the two1 ,i said that ,i   
would myself set the boy forward on his 
way1 and see him well bestowed4 ,they   
thanked me1 and we went together into   
the wood1 the two lovingly waving and   
beckoning1 and the boy stepping blithely
 by my side4  ,i asked him whether he   
was not sorry to go and leave the quiet 
place and the pair that loved him4 ,he  
smiled and said that he knew he was not 
leaving them at all1 and that he was    
sure that they would soon follow2 and   
that for himself the time had come to   
know more of the place4 ,i learned from 
him that his last life had been an      
unhappy one1 in a crowded street and a  
slovenly home1 with much evil of talk   
and act about him2 he had hated it all1 

he said1 but for a little sister that he
 had loved1 who had kissed and clasped  
him1 weeping1 when he lay dying of a    
miserable disease4 ,he said that he     
thought he should find her1 which made  
part of his joy of going2 that for a    
long while there had come to him a sense
 of her remembrance and love2 and that  
he had once sent his thought back to    
earth to find her1 and she was in much  
grief and care2 and that then all these 
messages had at once ceased1 and he knew
 that she had left the body4 ,he was a  
merry boy1 full of delight and laughter1
 and we went very cheerfully together   
through the sunlit wood1 with its green 
glades and open spaces1 which seemed all
 full of life and happiness1 creatures  
living together in goodwill and comfort4
 ,i saw in this journey that all things 
that ever lived a conscious life in one 
of the innumerable worlds had a place   
and life of their own1 and a time of    
refreshment like myself4 ,what ,i could 
not discern was whether there was any   

interchange of lives1 whether the soul  
of the tree could become an animal1 or  
the animal progress to be a man4 ,it    
seemed to me that it was not so1 but    
that each had a separate life of its    
own4 ,but ,i saw how foolish was the    
fancy that ,i had pursued in old days1  
that there was a central reservoir of   
life1 into which at death all little    
lives were merged2 ,i was yet to learn  
how strangely all life was knit         
together1 but now ,i saw that           
individuality was a real and separate   
thing1 which could not be broken or     
lost1 and that all things that had ever 
enjoyed a consciousness of the privilege
 of separate life had a true dignity and
 worth of existence2 and that it was    
only the body that had made hostility   
necessary2 that though the body could   
prey upon the bodies of animal and      
plant1 yet that no soul could devour or 
incorporate any other soul4 ,but as yet 
the merging of soul in soul through love
 was unseen and indeed unsuspected by   

me4  ,now as we went in the wood1 the   
boy and ,i1 it came into my mind in a   
flash that ,i had seen a great secret4  
,i had seen1 ,i knew1 very little of the
 great land yet--and indeed ,i had been 
but in the lowest place of all3 and ,i  
thought how base and dull our ideas had 
been upon earth of ,god and ,his care of
 men4 ,we had thought of ,him dimly as  
sweeping into ,his place of torment and 
despair all poisoned and diseased lives1
 all lives that had clung to the body   
and to the pleasures of the body1 all   
who had sinned idly1 or wilfully1 or    
proudly2 and ,i saw now that ,he used   
men far more wisely and lovingly than   
thus4 ,into this lowest place indeed    
passed all sad1 and diseased1 and       
unhappy spirits3 and instead of being   
tormented or accursed1 all was made     
delightful and beautiful for them there1
 because they needed not harsh and rough
 handling1 but care and soft tendance4  
,they were not to be frightened hence1  
or to live in fear and anguish1 but to  

live deliciously according to their     
wish1 and to be drawn to perceive in    
some quiet manner that all was not well 
with them2 they were to have their      
heart's desire1 and learn that it could 
not satisfy them2 but the only thing    
that could draw them thence was the love
 of some other soul whom they must      
pursue and find1 if they could4 ,it was 
all so high and reasonable and just that
 ,i could not admire it enough4 ,i saw  
that the boy was drawn thence by the    
love of his little sister1 who was      
elsewhere2 and that the love and loss of
 the boy would presently draw the older 
pair to follow him and to leave the     
place of heart's delight4 ,and then ,i  
began to see that ,cynthia and          
,charmides and ,lucius were being made  
ready1 each at his own time1 to leave   
their little pleasures and ordered lives
 of happiness1 and to follow heavenwards
 in due course4 ,because it was made    
plain to me that it was the love and    
worship of some other soul that was the 

constraining force2 but what the end    
would be ,i could not discern4  ,and now
 as we went through the wood1 ,i began  
to feel a strange elation and joy of    
spirit1 severe and bracing1 very        
different from my languid and           
half-contented acquiescence in the place
 of beauty2 and now the woods began to  
change their kind2 there were fewer     
forest trees now1 but bare heaths with  
patches of grey sand and scattered      
pines2 and there began to drift across  
the light a grey vapour which hid the   
delicate hues and colours of the        
sunlight1 and made everything appear    
pale and spare4 ,very soon we came out  
on the brow of a low hill1 and saw1 all 
spread out before us1 a place which1 for
 all its dulness and darkness1 had a    
solemn beauty of its own4 ,there were   
great stone buildings very solidly made1
 with high chimneys which seemed to     
stream with smoke2 we could see men1 as 
small as ants1 moving in and out of the 
buildings2 it seemed like a place of    

manufacture1 with a busy life of its    
own4 ,but here ,i suddenly felt that ,i 
could go no further1 but must return4 ,i
 hoped that ,i should see the grim place
 again1 and ,i desired with all my soul 
to go down into it1 and see what eager  
life it was that was being lived there4 
,and the boy1 ,i saw1 felt this too1 and
 was impatient to proceed4 ,so we said  
farewell with much tenderness1 and the  
boy went down swiftly across the        
moorland1 till he met some one who was  
coming out of the city1 and conferred a 
little with him2 and then he turned and 
waved his hand to me1 and ,i waved my   
hand from the brow of the hill1 envying 
him in my heart1 and went back in sorrow
 into the sunshine of the wood4  ,and as
 ,i did so ,i had a great joy1 because  
,i saw ,amroth come suddenly running to 
me out of the wood1 who put his arm     
through mine1 and walked with me4 ,then 
,i told him of all ,i had seen and      
thought1 while he smiled and nodded and 
told me it was much as ,i imagined4     

,yes1 he said1 it is even so4 ,the souls
 you have seen in this fine country here
 are just as children who are given     
their fill of pleasant things4 ,many of 
them have come into the state in which  
you see them from no fault of their own1
 because their souls are young and      
ignorant4 ,they have shrunk from all    
pain and effort and tedium1 like a child
 that does not like his lessons4 ,there 
is no thought of punishment1 of course4 
,no one learns anything of punishment   
except a cowardly fear4 ,we never       
advance until we have the will to       
advance1 and there is nothing in mere   
suffering1 unless we learn to bear it   
gently for the sake of love4 ,on earth  
it is not ,god but man who is cruel4    
,there is indeed a place of sorrow1     
which you will see when you can bear the
 sight1 where the self-righteous and the
 harsh go for a time1 and all those who 
have made others suffer because they    
believed in their own justice and       
insight4 ,you will find there all       

tyrants and conquerors1 and many rich   
men1 who used their wealth heedlessly2  
and even so you will be surprised when  
you see it4 ,but those spirits are the  
hardest of all to help1 because they    
have loved nothing but their own virtue 
or their own ambition2 yet you will see 
how they too are drawn thence2 and now  
that you have had a sight of the better 
country1 tell me how you liked it4      
,why1 ,i said1 it is plain and austere  
enough2 but ,i felt a great quickening  
of spirit1 and a desire to join in the  
labours of the place4  ,amroth smiled1  
and said1 ,you will have little share in
 that4 ,you will find your task1 no     
doubt1 when you are strong enough2 and  
now you must go back and make unwilling 
holiday with your pleasant friends1 you 
have not much longer to stay there2 and 
surely--he laughed as he spoke--you can 
endure a little more of those pretty    
concerts and charming talk of art and   
its values and pulsations6  ,i can      
endure it1 ,i said1 laughing1 for it    

does me good to see you and to hear you2
 but tell me1 ,amroth1 what have you    
been about all this time8 ,have you had 
a thought of me8  ,yes1 indeed1 said    
,amroth1 laughing4 ,i don't forget you1 
and ,i love your company2 but ,i am a   
busy man myself1 and have something     
pleasanter to do than to attend these   
elegant receptions of yours--at which1  
indeed1 ,i have sometimes thought you   
out of place4  ,as we thus talked we    
came to the forest lodge4 ,the old pair 
came running out to greet me1 and ,i    
told them that the boy was well         
bestowed4 ,i could see in the woman's   
face that she would soon follow him1 and
 even the old man had a look that ,i had
 not seen in him before2 and here       
,amroth left me1 and ,i returned to the 
city1 where all was as peaceable as     
before4     ,,xiii   ,but when ,i saw   
,cynthia1 as ,i presently did1 she too  
was in a different mood4 ,she had       
positively missed me1 and told me so    
with many endearments4 ,i was not to    

remain away so long4 ,i was useful to   
her4 ,charmides had become tiresome and 
lost in thought1 but ,lucius was as     
sweet as ever4 ,some new-comers had     
arrived1 all pleasant enough4 ,she asked
 me where ,i had been1 and ,i told her  
all the story4 ,yes1 that is beautiful  
enough1 she said1 but ,i hate all this  
breaking up and going on4 ,i am sure ,i 
do not wish for any change4 ,she made a 
grimace of disgust at the idea of the   
ugly town ,i had seen1 and then she said
 that she would go with me some time to 
look at it1 because it would make her   
happier to return to her peace2 and then
 she went off to tell ,lucius4  ,i soon 
found ,charmides1 and ,i told him my    
adventures4 ,that is a curious story1 he
 said4 ,i like to think of people caring
 for each other so2 that is picturesque6
 ,these simple emotions are interesting4
 ,and one likes to think that people who
 have none of the finer tastes should   
have something to fall back             
upon--something hot and strong1 as we   

used to say4  ,but1 ,i said1 tell me    
this1 ,charmides1 was there never any   
one in the old days whom you cared for  
like that8  ,i thought so often enough1 
said he1 a little peevishly1 but you do 
not know how much a man like myself is  
at the mercy of little things6 ,an ugly 
hand1 a broken tooth1 a fallen cheek 444
 it seems little enough1 but one has a  
sort of standard4 ,i had a microscopic  
eye1 you know1 and a little blemish was 
a serious thing to me4 ,i was always in 
search of something that ,i could not   
find2 then there were awkward strains in
 the characters of people--they were    
mean or greedy or selfish1 and all my   
pleasure was suddenly dashed4 ,i am     
speaking1 he went on1 with a strange    
candour6 ,i don't defend it or excuse   
it1 but there it was4 ,i did once1 as a 
child1 ,i believe1 care for one         
person--an old nurse of mine--in the    
right way4 ,dear1 how good she was to   
me6 ,i remember once how she came all   
the way1 after she had left us1 to see  

me on my way through town4 ,she just met
 me at a railway station1 and she had   
bought a little book which she thought  
might amuse me1 and a bag of            
oranges--she remembered that ,i used to 
like oranges4 ,i recollect at the time  
thinking it was all very touching and   
devoted2 but ,i was with a friend of    
mine1 and had not time to say much4 ,i  
can see her old face1 smiling1 with     
tears in her eyes1 as we went off4 ,i   
gave the book and the oranges away1 ,i  
remember1 to a child at the next        
station4 ,it is curious how it all comes
 back to me now2 ,i never saw her again1
 and ,i wish ,i had behaved better4 ,i  
should like to see her again1 and to    
tell her that ,i really cared6 ,i wonder
 if that is possible8 ,but there is     
really so much to do here and to enjoy2 
and there is no one to tell me where to 
go1 so that ,i am puzzled4 ,what is one 
to do8  ,i think that if one desires a  
thing enough here1 ,charmides1 ,i said1 
one is in a fair way to obtain it4      

,never mind6 a door will be opened4 ,but
 one has got to care1 ,i suppose2 it is 
not enough to look upon it as a pretty  
effect1 which one would just like to put
 in its place with other                
effects--',open1 sesame'--do you        
remember8 ,there is a charm at which all
 doors fly open1 even here6  ,i will    
talk to you more about this1 said       
,charmides1 when ,i have had time to    
arrange my thoughts a little4 ,who would
 have supposed that an old recollection 
like that would have disturbed me so    
much8 ,it would make a good subject for 
a picture or a song4     ,,xiv   ,it was
 on one of these days that ,amroth came 
suddenly upon me1 with a very mirthful  
look on his face1 his eyes sparkling    
like a man struggling with hidden       
laughter4 ,come with me1 he said2 you   
have been so dutiful lately that ,i am  
alarmed for your health4 ,then we went  
out of the garden where ,i was sitting1 
and we were suddenly in a street4 ,i saw
 in a moment that it was a real street1 

in the suburb of an ,english town2 there
 were electric trams running1 and rows  
of small trees1 and an open space       
planted with shrubs1 with asphalt paths 
and ugly seats4 ,on the other side of   
the road was a row of big villas1       
tasteless1 dreary1 comfortable houses1  
with meaningless turrets and balconies4 
,i could not help feeling that it was   
very dismal that men and women should   
live in such places1 think them neat and
 well-appointed1 and even grow to love  
them4 ,we went into one of these houses2
 it was early in the morning1 and a     
little drizzle was falling1 which made  
the whole place seem very cheerless4 ,in
 a room with a bow-window looking on the
 road there were three persons4 ,an old 
man was reading a paper in an arm-chair 
by the fire1 with his back to the light4
 ,he looked a nice old man1 with his    
clear skin and white hair2 opposite him 
was an old lady in another chair1       
reading a letter4 ,with his back to the 
fire stood a man of about thirty-five1  

sturdy-looking1 but pale1 and with an   
appearance of being somewhat overworked4
 ,he had a good face1 but seemed a      
little uninteresting1 as if he did not  
feed his mind4 ,the table had been      
spread for breakfast1 and the meal was  
finished and partly cleared away4 ,the  
room was ugly and the furniture was a   
little shabby2 there was a glazed       
bookcase1 full of dull-looking books1 a 
sideboard1 a table with writing         
materials in the window1 and some       
engravings of royal groups and          
celebrated men4  ,the younger man1 after
 a moment1 said1 ,well1 ,i must be off4 
,he nodded to his father1 and bent down 
to kiss his mother1 saying1 ,take care  
of yourself--,i shall be back in good   
time for tea4 ,i had a sense that he was
 using these phrases in a mechanical    
way1 and that they were customary with  
him4 ,then he went out1 planting his    
feet solidly on the carpet1 and         
presently the front door shut4 ,i could 
not understand why we had come to this  

very unemphatic party1 and examined the 
whole room carefully to see what was the
 object of our visit4 ,a maid came in   
and removed the rest of the breakfast   
things1 leaving the cloth still on the  
table1 and some of the spoons and       
knives1 with the salt-cellars1 in their 
places4 ,when she had finished and gone 
out1 there was a silence1 only broken by
 the crackling of the paper as the old  
man folded it4 ,presently the old lady  
said3 ,i wish ,charles could get his    
holiday a little sooner2 he looks so    
tired1 and he does not eat well4 ,he    
does stick so hard to his business4     
,yes1 dear1 he does1 said the old man1  
but it is just the busiest time1 and he 
tells me that they have had some large  
orders lately4 ,they are doing very     
well1 ,i understand4  ,there was another
 silence1 and then the old lady put down
 her letter1 and looked for a moment at 
a picture1 representing a boy1 a large  
photograph a good deal faded1 which hung
 close to her--underneath it was a small

 vase of flowers on a bracket4 ,she gave
 a little sigh as she did this1 and the 
old man looked at her over the top of   
his paper4 ,just think1 father1 she     
said1 that ,harry would have been       
thirty-eight this very week6  ,the old  
man made a comforting sort of little    
noise1 half sympathetic and half        
deprecatory4 ,yes1 ,i know1 said the old
 lady1 but ,i can't help thinking about 
him a great deal at this time of the    
year4 ,i don't understand why he was    
taken away from us4 ,he was always such 
a good boy--he would have been just like
 ,charles1 only handsomer--he was always
 handsomer and brighter2 he had so much 
of your spirit6 ,not but what ,charles  
has been the best of sons to us--,i     
don't mean that--no one could be better 
or more easy to please6 ,but ,harry had 
a different way with him4 ,her eyes     
filled with tears1 which she brushed    
away4 ,no1 she added1 ,i won't fret     
about him4 ,i daresay he is happier     
where he is--,i am sure he is--and      

thinking of his mother too1 my bonny    
boy1 perhaps4  ,the old man got up1 put 
his paper down1 went across to the old  
lady1 and gave her a kiss on the brow4  
,there1 there1 he said soothingly1 we   
may be sure it's all for the best2 and  
he stood looking down fondly at her4    
,amroth crossed the room and stood      
beside the pair1 with a hand on the     
shoulder of each4 ,i saw in an instant  
that there was an unmistakable likeness 
between the three2 but the contrast of  
the marvellous brilliance and beauty of 
,amroth with the old1 world-wearied1    
simple-minded couple was the most       
extraordinary thing to behold4 ,yes1 ,i 
feel better already1 said the old lady1 
smiling2 it always does me good to say  
out what ,i am feeling1 father2 and then
 you are sure to understand4  ,the mist 
closed suddenly in upon the scene1 and  
we were back in a moment in the garden  
with its porticoes1 in the radiant1     
untroubled air4 ,amroth looked at me    
with a smile that was full1 half of     

gaiety and half of tenderness4 ,there1  
he said1 what do you think of that8 ,if 
all had gone well with me1 as they say  
on earth1 that is where ,i should be    
now1 going down to the city with        
,charles4 ,that is the prospect which to
 the dear old people seems so           
satisfactory compared with this6 ,in    
that house ,i lay ill for some weeks1   
and from there my body was carried out4 
,and they would have kept me there if   
they could--and ,i myself did not want  
to go4 ,i was afraid4 ,oh1 how ,i envied
 ,charles going down to the city and    
coming back for tea1 to read the        
magazines aloud or play backgammon4 ,i  
am afraid ,i was not as nice as ,i      
should have been about all that--the    
evenings were certainly dull6  ,but what
 do you feel about it now8 ,i said4     
,don't you feel sorry for the muddle and
 ignorance and pathos of it all8 ,can't 
something be done to show everybody what
 a ghastly mistake it is1 to get so tied
 down to the earth and the things of    

earth8  ,a mistake8 said ,amroth4 ,there
 is no such thing as a mistake4 ,one    
cannot sorrow for their grief1 any more 
than one can sorrow for the child who   
cries out in the tunnel and clasps his  
mother's hand4 ,don't you see that their
 grief and loss is the one beautiful    
thing in those lives1 and all that it is
 doing for them1 drawing them hither8   
,why1 that is where we grow and become  
strong1 in the hopeless suffering of    
love4 ,i am glad and content that my own
 stay was made so brief4 ,i wish it     
could be shortened for the three--and   
yet ,i do not1 because they will gain so
 wonderfully by it4 ,they are mounting  
fast2 it is their very ignorance that   
teaches them4 ,not to know1 not to      
perceive1 but to be forced to believe in
 love1 that is the point4  ,yes1 ,i     
said1 ,i see that2 but what about the   
lives that are broken and poisoned by   
grief1 in a stupor of pain--or the souls
 that do not feel it at all1 except as a
 passing shadow--what about them8  ,oh1 

said ,amroth lightly1 the sadder the    
dream the more blessed the awakening2   
and as for those who cannot feel--well1 
it will all come to them1 as they grow  
older4  ,yes1 ,i said1 it has done me   
good to see all this--it makes many     
things plain2 but can you bear to leave 
them thus8  ,leave them6 said ,amroth4  
,who knows but that ,i shall be sent to 
help them away1 and carry them1 as ,i   
carried you1 to the crystal sea of      
peace8 ,the darling mother1 ,i shall be 
there at her awakening4 ,they are old   
spirits1 those two1 old and wise2 and   
there is a high place prepared for them4
  ,but what about ,charles8 ,i said4    
,amroth smiled4 ,old ,charles8 he said4 
,i must admit that he is not a very     
stirring figure at present4 ,he is much 
immersed in his game of finance1 and    
talks a great deal in his lighter       
moments about the commercial prospects  
of the ,empire and the need of          
retaliatory tariffs4 ,but he will       
outgrow all that6 ,he is a very loyal   

soul1 but not very adventurous just now4
 ,he would be sadly discomposed by an   
affection which came in between him and 
his figures4 ,he would think he wanted a
 change--and he will have a thorough    
one1 the good old fellow1 one of these  
days4 ,but he has a long journey before 
him4  ,well1 ,i said1 there are some    
surprises here6 ,i am afraid ,i am very 
youthful yet4  ,yes1 dear child1 you are
 very ingenuous1 said ,amroth1 and that 
is a great part of your charm4 ,but we  
will find something for you to do before
 long6 ,but here comes ,charmides1 to   
talk about the need of exquisite        
pulsations1 and their symbolism--though 
,i see a change in him too4 ,and now ,i 
must go back to business4 ,take care of 
yourself1 and ,i will be back to tea4   
,and ,amroth flashed away in a very     
cheerful mood4     ,,xv   ,there were   
many things at that time that were full 
of mystery1 things which ,i never came  
to understand4 ,there was in particular 
a certain sort of people1 whom one met  

occasionally1 for whom ,i could never   
wholly account4 ,they were unlike others
 in this fact1 that they never appeared 
to belong to any particular place or    
community4 ,they were both men and      
women1 who seemed--,i can express it in 
no other way--to be in the possession of
 a secret so great that it made         
everything else trivial and indifferent 
to them4 ,not that they were impatient  
or contemptuous--it was quite the other 
way2 but to use a similitude1 they were 
like good-natured1 active1 kindly elders
 at a children's party4 ,they did not   
shun conversation1 but if one talked    
with them1 they used a kind of tender   
and gentle irony1 which had something   
admiring and complimentary about it1    
which took away any sense of vexation or
 of baffled curiosity4 ,it was simply as
 though their concern lay elsewhere2    
they joined in anything with a frank    
delight1 not with any touch of          
condescension4 ,they were even more     
kindly and affectionate than others1    

because they did not seem to have any   
small problems of their own1 and could  
give their whole attention and thought  
to the person they were with4 ,these    
inscrutable people puzzled me very much4
 ,i asked ,amroth about them once4  ,who
 are these people1 ,i said1 whom one    
sometimes meets1 who are so far removed 
from all of us8 ,what are they doing    
here8  ,amroth smiled4 ,so you have     
detected them6 he said4 ,you are quite  
right1 and it does your observation     
credit4 ,but you must find it out for   
yourself4 ,i cannot explain1 and if ,i  
could1 you would not understand me yet4 
,then ,i am not mistaken1 ,i said1 but  
,i wish you would give me a hint--they  
seem to know something more worth       
knowing than all beside4  ,exactly1 said
 ,amroth4 ,you are very near the truth2 
it is staring you in the face2 but it   
would spoil all if ,i told you4 ,there  
is plenty about them in the old books   
you used to read--they have the secret  
of joy4 ,and that is all that he would  

say4  ,it was on a solitary ramble one  
day1 outside of the place of delight1   
that ,i came nearer to one of these     
people than ,i ever did at any other    
time4 ,i had wandered off into a        
pleasant place of grassy glades with    
little thorn-thickets everywhere4 ,i    
went up a small eminence1 which         
commanded a view of the beautiful plain 
with its blue distance and the enamelled
 green foreground of close-grown        
coverts4 ,there ,i sat for a long time  
lost in pleasant thought and wonder1    
when ,i saw a man drawing near1 walking 
slowly and looking about him with a     
serene and delighted air4 ,he passed not
 far from me1 and observing me1 waved a 
hand of welcome1 came up the slope1 and 
greeting me in a friendly and open      
manner1 asked if he might sit with me   
for a little4  ,this is a pleasant      
place1 he said1 and you seem very       
agreeably occupied4  ,yes1 ,i said1     
looking into his smiling face1 one has  
no engagements here1 and no need of     

business to fill the time--but indeed ,i
 am not sure that ,i am busy enough4 ,as
 ,i spoke ,i was regarding him with some
 curiosity4 ,he was a man of mature age1
 with a strong1 firm-featured face1     
healthy and sunburnt of aspect1 and he  
was dressed1 not as ,i was for ease and 
repose1 but with the garments of a      
traveller4 ,his hat1 which was large and
 of some soft grey cloth1 was pushed to 
his back1 and hung there by a cord round
 his neck4 ,his hair was a little       
grizzled1 and lay close-curled to his   
head2 in his strong and muscular hand he
 carried a stick4 ,he smiled again at my
 words1 and said3  ,oh1 one need not    
trouble about being busy until the time 
comes2 that is a feeling one inherits   
from the life of earth1 and ,i am sure  
you have not left it long4 ,you have a  
very fresh air about you1 as if you had 
rested1 and rested well4  ,yes1 ,i have 
rested1 ,i said2 but though ,i am       
content enough1 there is something      
unquiet in me1 ,i am afraid6  ,ah6 he   

said1 there is that in all of us1 and it
 would not be well with us if there were
 not4 ,will you tell me a little about  
yourself8 ,that is one of the pleasures 
of this life here1 that we have no need 
to be cautious1 or to fear that we shall
 give ourselves away4  ,i told him my   
adventures1 and he listened with serious
 attention4  ,ah1 that is all very good1
 he said at last1 but you must not be in
 any hurry2 it is a great thing that    
ideas should dawn upon us gradually--one
 gets the full truth of them so4 ,it was
 the hurry of life which was so         
bewildering--the shocks1 the surprises1 
the ugly reflections of one's conduct   
that one saw in other lives--the corners
 one had to turn4 ,things1 indeed1 come 
suddenly even here1 but one is led up to
 them gently enough2 allowed to enter   
the sea for oneself1 not soused and     
ducked in it4 ,you will need all the    
strength you can store up for what is   
before you1 and ,i can see in your face 
that you are storing up strength--but   

the weariness is not quite gone out of  
your mind4  ,he was silent for a little1
 musing1 till ,i said1 ,will you not    
tell me some of your own adventures8 ,i 
am sure from your look that you have    
them2 and you are a pilgrim1 it seems4  
,where are you bound8  ,oh1 he said     
lightly1 ,i am not one of the people who
 have adventures--just the journey and  
the talk beside the way4  ,but1 ,i said1
 ,i have seen some others like you1 and 
,i am puzzled about it4 ,you seem1 if ,i
 may say so--,i do not mean anything    
disrespectful or impertinent--to be like
 the gipsies whom one meets in quiet    
country places1 with a secret knowledge 
of their own1 a pride too great to be   
worth expressing1 not anxious about     
life1 not weary or dissatisfied1 caring 
not for localities or possessions1 but  
with a sort of eager pleasure in freedom
 and movement4  ,he laughed4 ,yes1 he   
said1 you are right6 ,i am no doubt a   
sort of nomad1 as you say1 detached from
 life perhaps4 ,i don't know that it is 

desirable2 there is a great deal to be  
said for living in the same place and   
loving the same things4 ,most people are
 happier so1 and learn what they have to
 learn in that manner4  ,yes1 ,i said1  
that is true and beautiful--the same old
 house1 the same trees and pastures1 the
 stream and the water-plants that hide  
it1 the blue hills beyond the nearer    
wood--the dear familiar things2 but even
 so the road which passes through the   
fields1 over the bridge1 up the         
covert-side 444 it leads somewhere1 and 
the heart on sunny days leaps up to     
follow it6 ,talking with you here1 ,i   
feel a hunger for something wider and   
more free2 your voice has the sound of  
the wind1 with the secret knowledge of  
strange hill-tops and solitary seas6    
,sometimes the heart settles down upon  
what it knows and loves1 but sometimes  
it reaches out to all the love and      
beauty hidden in the world1 and in the  
waters beyond the world1 and would      
embrace it all if it could4 ,the faces  

one sees as one passes through          
unfamiliar cities or villages1 how one  
longs to talk1 to question1 to ask what 
gave them the look they wear4444 ,and   
you1 if ,i may say it1 seem to have     
passed beyond the need of wanting or    
desiring anything 444 but ,i must not   
talk thus to a stranger2 you must       
forgive me4  ,forgive you8 said the     
stranger2 that is only an earthly       
phrase--the old terror of indiscretion  
and caution4 ,what are we here for but  
to get acquainted with one another--to  
let our inmost thoughts talk together8  
,in the world we are bounded by time and
 space1 and we have the terror of each  
other's glances and exteriors to contend
 with4 ,we make friends on earth in     
spite of our limitations2 but in heaven 
we get to know each other's hearts2 and 
that blessing goes back with us to the  
dim fields and narrow houses of the     
earth4 ,i see plainly enough that you   
are not perfectly happy2 but one can    
only win content through discontent4    

,where you are now1 you are not in      
accord with the souls about you4 ,never 
mind that6 ,there are beautiful spirits 
within reach of your hand and heart2 a  
little clouded by mistaking the quality 
of joy1 no doubt1 but great and         
everlasting for all that4 ,you must try 
to draw near to them1 and find spirits  
to love4 ,do you not remember in the    
days of earth how one felt sometimes in 
an unfamiliar place--among a gathering  
of strangers--at church perhaps1 or at  
some school which one visited1 where one
 saw the young faces1 which showed so   
clearly1 before the world had stamped   
itself in frowns and heaviness upon     
them1 the quality of the soul within8   
,don't you remember the feeling at such 
times of how many there were in the     
world whom one might love1 if one had   
leisure and opportunity and energy8     
,well1 there is no need to resist that1 
or to deplore it here2 one may go where 
one's will inclines one1 and speak as   
one's heart tells one to speak4 ,i think

 you are perhaps too conscious of       
waiting for something4 ,your task lies  
ahead of you1 but the work of love can  
begin at once and anywhere4  ,yes1 ,i   
said1 ,i feel that now and here4 ,will  
you not tell me something of yourself in
 return8 ,i cannot read your mind       
clearly--it is occupied with something  
,i cannot grasp--what is your work in   
heaven8  ,oh1 he said lightly1 that is  
easy enough1 and yet you would not      
understand it4 ,i have been led through 
the shadow of fear1 and ,i have passed  
out on the other side4 ,and my duty is  
to release others from fear1 as far as  
,i can4 ,it is the darkest shadow of    
all1 because it dwells in the unknown4  
,pain1 without it1 is no suffering at   
all2 indeed pain is almost a pleasure1  
when one knows what it is doing for one4
 ,but fear is the doubt whether pain or 
suffering are really helping us2 and    
just as memory never has any touch of   
fear about it1 so hope may likewise have
 done with fear4  ,but how did you learn

 this8 ,i said4  ,only by fearing to the
 uttermost1 he replied4 ,the power--it  
is not courage1 because that only defies
 fear--cannot be given one2 it must be  
painfully won4 ,you remember the        
blessing of the pure in heart1 that they
 shall see ,god8 ,there would be little 
hope in that promise for the soul that  
knew itself to be impure1 if it were not
 for the other side of it--that the     
vision of ,god1 which is the most       
terrible of all things1 can give purity 
to the most sin-stained soul4 ,in that  
vision1 all desire and all fear have an 
end1 because there is nothing left      
either to desire or to dread4 ,that     
vision we may delay or hasten4 ,we may  
delay it1 if we allow our prudence1 or  
our shame1 or our comfort1 to get in the
 way3 we may hasten it1 if we cast      
ourselves at every moment of our        
pilgrimage upon the mercy and the love  
of ,god4 ,his one desire is that we     
should be satisfied2 and if ,he seems to
 put obstacles in our way1 to keep us   

waiting1 to permit us to be miserable1  
that is only that we may learn to cast  
ourselves into love and service--which  
is the one way to ,his heart4 ,but now  
,i must be going1 for ,i have said all  
that you can bear4 ,will you remember   
this--not to reserve yourself1 not to   
think others unworthy or hostile1 but to
 cast your love and trust freely and    
lavishly1 everywhere and anywhere8 ,we  
must gather nothing1 hold on to nothing1
 just give ourselves away at every      
moment1 flowing like the stream into    
every channel that is open1 withholding 
nothing1 retaining nothing4 ,i see1 he  
added1 very great and beautiful things  
ahead of you1 and very sad and painful  
things as well4 ,but you are close to   
the light1 and it is breaking all about 
you with a splendour which you cannot   
guess4  ,he rose up1 he took my hand in 
his own and laid the other on my brow1  
and ,i felt his heart go out to mine and
 gather me to him1 as a child is        
gathered to a father's arms4 ,and then  

he went silently and lightly upon his   
way4     ,,xvi   ,the time moved on     
quietly enough in the land of delight4  
,i made acquaintance with quite a number
 of the soft-voiced contented folk4     
,sometimes it interested me to see the  
change coming upon one or another1 a    
wonder or a desire that made them sit   
withdrawn and abstracted1 and breaking  
with a sort of effort out of the        
dreamful mood4 ,then they would leave   
us1 sometimes quite suddenly1 sometimes 
with courteous adieus4 ,new-comers1 too1
 kept arriving1 to be made pleasantly at
 home4 ,i found myself seeing more of   
,cynthia4 ,she was much with ,lucius1   
and they seemed as gay as ever1 but ,i  
saw that she was sometimes puzzled4 ,she
 said to me one day as we sat together1 
,i wish you would tell me what this is  
all about8 ,i do not want to change it1 
and ,i am very happy1 but isn't it all  
rather pointless8 ,i believe you have   
some secret you are keeping from me4    
,she was sitting close beside me1 like a

 child1 resting her head on my arm1 and 
she took my hand in both of hers4  ,no1 
,i said1 ,i am keeping nothing from you1
 pretty child6 ,i could not explain to  
you what is in my mind1 and it would    
spoil your pleasure if ,i could4 ,it is 
all right1 and you will see in good     
time4  ,i hate to be put off like that1 
she said4 ,you are not really interested
 in me2 and you do not trust me2 you do 
not care about the things ,i care about1
 and if you are so superior1 you ought  
to explain to me why4  ,well1 ,i said1  
,i will try to explain4 ,do you ever    
remember having been very happy in a    
place1 and having been obliged to leave 
it1 always hoping to return2 and then   
when you did return1 finding that1      
though nothing was changed1 you were    
yourself changed1 and could not1 even if
 you would1 have taken up the old life  
again8  ,yes1 said ,cynthia1 musing1 ,i 
remember that sort of thing happening   
once1 about a house where ,i stayed as a
 child4 ,it seemed so stupid and dull   

when ,i went back that ,i wondered how  
,i could ever have really liked it4     
,well1 ,i said1 it is the same sort of  
thing here4 ,i am only here for a time1 
and though ,i do not know where ,i am   
going or when1 ,i think ,i shall not be 
here much longer4  ,at this ,cynthia did
 what she had never done before--she    
kissed me4 ,then she said1 ,don't speak 
of such disagreeable things4 ,i could   
not get on without you4 ,you are so     
convenient1 like a comfortable old      
arm-chair4  ,what a compliment6 ,i said4
 ,but you see that you don't like my    
explanation4 ,why trouble about it8 ,you
 have plenty of time4 ,is ,lucius like  
an arm-chair1 too8  ,no1 she said1 he is
 exciting1 like a new necklace--and     
,charmides1 he is exciting too1 in a    
way1 but rather too fine for me1 like a 
ball-dress6  ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i noticed  
that your own taste in dress is         
different of late4 ,this is a much      
simpler thing than what you came in4    
,oh1 yes1 she said1 it doesn't seem     

worth while to dress up now4 ,i have    
made my friends1 and ,i suppose ,i am   
getting lazy4  ,we said little more1 but
 she did not seem inclined to leave me1 
and was more with me for a time4 ,i     
actually heard her tell ,lucius once    
that she was tired1 at which he laughed1
 not very pleasantly1 and went away4    
,but my own summons came to me so       
unexpectedly that ,i had but little time
 to make my farewell4  ,i was sitting   
once in a garden-close watching a       
curious act proceeding1 which ,i did not
 quite understand4 ,it looked like a    
religious ceremony2 a man in embroidered
 robes was being conducted by some boys 
in white dresses through the long       
cloister1 carrying something carefully  
wrapped up in his arms1 and ,i heard    
what sounded like an antique hymn of a  
fine stiff melody1 rapidly sung4  ,there
 had been nothing quite like this       
before1 and ,i suddenly became aware    
that ,amroth was beside me1 and that he 
had a look of anger in his face4 ,you   

had better not look at this1 he said to 
me2 it might not be very helpful1 as    
they say4  ,am ,i to come with you8 ,i  
said4 ,that is well--but ,i should like 
to say a word to one or two of my       
friends here4  ,no1 not a word6 said    
,amroth quickly4 ,he looked at me with a
 curious look1 in which he seemed to be 
measuring my strength and courage4 ,yes1
 that will do6 he added4 ,come at       
once--don't be surprised--it will be    
different from what you expect4  ,he    
took me by the arm1 and we hurried from 
the place2 one or two of the people who 
stood by looked at us in lazy wonder4   
,we walked in silence down a long alley1
 to a great gate that ,i had often      
passed in my strolls4 ,it was a barred  
iron gate1 of a very stately air1 with  
high stone gateposts4 ,i had never been 
able to find my outward way to this1 and
 there was a view from it of enchanting 
beauty1 blue distant woods and rolling  
slopes4 ,amroth came quickly to the     
gate1 seemed to unlock it1 and held it  

open for me to pass4 ,one word1 he said 
with his most beautiful smile1 his eyes 
flashing and kindling with some secret  
emotion1 whatever happens1 do not be    
afraid6 ,there is nothing whatever to   
fear1 only be prepared and wait4 ,he    
motioned me through1 and ,i heard him   
close the gate behind me4     ,,xvii    
,i was alone in an instant1 and in      
terrible pain--pain not in any part of  
me1 but all around and within me4 ,a    
cold wind of a piercing bitterness      
seemed to blow upon me2 but with it came
 a sense of immense energy and strength1
 so that the pain became suddenly       
delightful1 like the stretching of a    
stiffened limb4 ,i cannot put the pain  
into exact words4 ,it was not attended  
by any horror2 it seemed a sense of     
infinite grief and loss and loneliness1 
a deep yearning to be delivered and made
 free4 ,i felt suddenly as though       
everything ,i loved had gone from me1   
irretrievably gone and lost4 ,i looked  
round me1 and ,i could discern through a

 mist the bases of some black and       
sinister rocks1 that towered up         
intolerably above me2 in between them   
were channels full of stones and drifted
 snow4 ,anything more stupendous than   
those black-ribbed crags1 those toppling
 precipices1 ,i had never seen4 ,the    
wind howled among them1 and sometimes   
there was a noise of rocks cast down4 ,i
 knew in some obscure way that my path  
lay there1 and my heart absolutely      
failed me4 ,instead of going straight to
 the rocks1 ,i began to creep along the 
base to see whether ,i could find some  
easier track4 ,suddenly the voice of    
,amroth said1 rather sharply1 in my ear1
 ,don't be silly6 ,this homely          
direction1 so peremptorily made1 had an 
instantaneous effect4 ,if he had said1  
,be not faithless1 or anything in the   
copybook manner1 ,i should have sat down
 and resigned myself to solemn despair4 
,but now ,i felt a fool and a coward as 
well4  ,so ,i addressed myself1 like a  
dog who hears the crack of a whip1 to   

the rocks4  ,it would be tedious to     
relate how ,i clambered and stumbled and
 agonised4 ,there did not seem to me the
 slightest use in making the attempt1 or
 the smallest hope of reaching the top1 
or the least expectation of finding     
anything worth finding4 ,i hated        
everything ,i had ever seen or known2   
recollections of old lives and of the   
quiet garden ,i had left came upon me   
with a sort of mental nausea4 ,this was 
very different from the amiable and     
easy-going treatment ,i had expected4   
,yet ,i did struggle on1 with a hideous 
faintness and weariness--but would it   
never stop8 ,it seemed like years to me1
 my hands frozen and wetted by snow and 
dripping water1 my feet bruised and     
wounded by sharp stones1 my garments    
strangely torn and rent1 with stains of 
blood showing through in places4 ,still 
the hideous business continued1 but     
progress was never quite impossible4 ,at
 one place ,i found the rocks wholly    
impassable1 and choosing the broader of 

two ledges which ran left and right1 ,i 
worked out along the cliff1 only to find
 that the ledge ran into the precipices1
 and ,i had to retrace my steps1 if the 
shuffling motions ,i made could be so   
called4 ,then ,i took the harder of the 
two1 which zigzagged backwards and      
forwards across the rocks4 ,at one place
 ,i saw a thing which moved me very     
strangely4 ,this was a heap of bones1   
green1 slimy1 and ill-smelling1 with    
some tattered rags of cloth about them1 
which lay in a heap beneath a precipice4
 ,the thought that a man could fall and 
be killed in such a place moved me with 
a fresh misery4 ,what that meant ,i     
could not tell4 ,were we not away from  
such things as mouldering flesh and     
broken bones8 ,it seemed not2 and ,i    
climbed madly away from them4 ,quite    
suddenly ,i came to the top1 a bleak    
platform of rock1 where ,i fell         
prostrate on my face and groaned4  ,yes1
 that was an ugly business1 said the    
voice of ,amroth beside me1 but you got 

through it fairly well4 ,how do you     
feel8  ,i call it a perfect outrage1 ,i 
said4 ,what is the meaning of this      
hateful business8  ,the meaning8 said   
,amroth2 never mind about the meaning4  
,the point is that you are here6  ,oh1  
,i said1 ,i have had a horrible time4   
,all my sense of security is gone from  
me4 ,is one indeed liable to this kind  
of interruption1 ,amroth8  ,of course1  
said ,amroth1 there must be some tests2 
but you will be better very soon4 ,it is
 all over for the present1 ,i may tell  
you1 and you will soon be able to enjoy 
it4 ,there is no terror in past         
suffering--it is the purest joy4  ,yes1 
,i used to say so and think so1 ,i said1
 closing my eyes4 ,but this was         
different--it was horrible6 ,and the    
time it lasted1 and the despair of it6  
,it seems to have soaked into my whole  
life and poisoned it4  ,amroth said     
nothing for a minute1 but watched me    
closely4  ,presently ,i went on4 ,and   
tell me one thing4 ,there was a ghastly 

thing ,i saw1 some mouldering bones on a
 ledge4 ,can people indeed fall and die 
there8  ,perhaps it was only a phantom1 
said ,amroth1 put there like the sights 
in the ,pilgrim's ,progress1 the fire   
that was fed secretly with oil1 and the 
robin with his mouth full of spiders1 as
 an encouragement for wayfarers6  ,but  
that1 ,i said1 would be too horrible for
 anything--to turn the terrors of death 
into a sort of conjuring trick--a       
dramatic entertainment1 to make one's   
flesh creep6 ,why1 that was the misery  
of some of the religion taught us in old
 days1 that it seemed often only        
dramatic--a scene without cause or      
motive1 just displayed to show us the   
anger or the mercy of ,god1 so that one 
had the miserable sense that much of it 
was a spectacular affair1 that ,he      
,himself did not really suffer or feel  
indignation1 but thought it well to     
feign emotions1 like a schoolmaster to  
impress his pupils4--and that people too
 were not punished for their own sakes1 

to help them1 but just to startle or    
convince others4  ,yes1 said ,amroth1 ,i
 was only jesting1 and ,i see that my   
jests were out of place4 ,of course what
 you saw was real--there are no         
pretences here4 ,men and women do indeed
 suffer a kind of death--the second     
death--in these places1 and have to     
begin again2 but that is only for a     
certain sort of self-confident and      
sin-soaked person1 whose will needs to  
be roughly broken4 ,there are certain   
perverse sins of the spirit which need a
 spiritual death1 as the sins of the    
body need a bodily death4 ,only thus can
 one be born again4  ,well1 ,i said1 ,i 
am amazed--but now what am ,i to do8 ,i 
am fit for nothing1 and ,i shall be fit 
for nothing hereafter4  ,if you talk    
like this1 said ,amroth1 you will only  
drive me away4 ,there are certain things
 that it is better not to confess to    
one's dearest friend1 not even to ,god4 
,one must just be silent about them1 try
 to forget them1 hope they can never    

happen again4 ,i tell you1 you will soon
 be all right2 and if you are not you   
will have to see a physician4 ,but you  
had better not do that unless you are   
obliged4  ,this made me feel ashamed of 
myself1 and the shame took off my       
thoughts from what ,i had endured2 but  
,i could do nothing but lie aching and  
panting on the rocks for a long time1   
while ,amroth sat beside me in silence4 
,are you vexed8 ,i said after a long    
pause4  ,no1 no1 not vexed1 said        
,amroth1 but ,i am not sure whether ,i  
have not made a mistake4 ,it was ,i who 
urged that you might go forward1 and ,i 
confess ,i am disappointed at the       
result4 ,you are softer than ,i thought4
  ,indeed ,i am not1 ,i said4 ,i will go
 down the rocks and come up again1 if   
that will satisfy you4  ,come1 that is a
 little better1 said ,amroth1 and ,i    
will tell you now that you did          
well--better indeed at the time than ,i 
expected4 ,you did the thing in very    
good time1 as we used to say4  ,by this 

time ,i felt very drowsy1 and suddenly  
dropped off into a sleep--such a deep   
and dreamless sleep1 to descend into    
which was like flinging oneself into a  
river-pool by a bubbling weir on a hot  
and dusty day of summer4  ,i awoke      
suddenly with a pressure on my arm1 and1
 waking up with a sense of renewed      
freshness1 ,i saw ,amroth looking at me 
anxiously4 ,do not say anything1 he     
said4 ,can you manage to hobble a few   
steps8 ,if you cannot1 ,i will get some 
help1 and we shall be all right--but    
there may be an unpleasant encounter1   
and it is best avoided4 ,i scrambled to 
my feet1 and ,amroth helped me a little 
higher up the rocks1 looking carefully  
into the mist as he did so4 ,close      
behind us was a steep rock with ledges4 
,amroth flung himself upon them1 with an
 agile scramble or two4 ,then he held   
his hand down1 lying on the top2 ,i took
 it1 and1 stiffened as ,i was1 ,i       
contrived to get up beside him4 ,that is
 right1 he said in a whisper4 ,now lie  

here quietly1 don't speak a word1 and   
just watch4  ,i lay1 with a sense of    
something evil about4 ,presently ,i     
heard the sound of voices in the mist to
 the left of us2 and in an instant there
 loomed out of the mist the form of a   
man1 who was immediately followed by    
three others4 ,they were different from 
all the other spirits ,i had yet        
seen--tall1 lean1 dark men1 very spare  
and strong4 ,they looked carefully about
 them1 mostly glancing down the cliff1  
and sometimes conferred together4 ,they 
were dressed in close-fitting dark      
clothes1 which seemed as if made out of 
some kind of skin or untanned leather1  
and their whole air was sinister and    
terrifying4 ,they passed quite close    
beneath us1 so that ,i saw the bald head
 of one of them1 who carried a sort of  
hook in his hands4  ,when they got to   
the place where my climb had ended1 they
 stopped and examined the stones        
carefully3 one of them clambered a few  
feet down the cliff4 ,then he came back 

and seemed to make a brief report1 after
 which they appeared undecided what to  
do2 they even looked up at the rock     
where we lay2 but while they did this1  
another man1 very similar1 came         
hurriedly out of the mist1 said         
something to the group1 and they all    
disappeared very quickly into the       
darkness the same way they had come4    
,then there was a silence4 ,i should    
have spoken1 but ,amroth put a finger on
 his lips4 ,presently there came a sound
 of falling stones1 and after that there
 broke out among the rocks below a      
horrible crying1 as of a man in sore    
straits and instant fear4 ,amroth jumped
 quickly to his feet4 ,this will not do1
 he said4 ,stay here for me4 ,and then  
leaping down the rock1 he disappeared1  
shouting words of help--,hold on--,i am 
coming4  ,he came back some little time 
afterwards1 and ,i saw that he was not  
alone4 ,he had with him an old stumbling
 man1 evidently in the last extremity of
 terror and pain1 with beads of sweat on

 his brow and blood running down from   
his hands4 ,he seemed dazed and         
bewildered4 ,and ,amroth too looked     
ruffled and almost weary1 as ,i had     
never seen him look4 ,i came down the   
rock to meet them4 ,but ,amroth said1   
,wait here for me2 it has been a        
troublesome business1 and ,i must go and
 bestow this poor creature in a place of
 safety--,i will return4 ,he led the old
 man away among the rocks1 and ,i waited
 a long time1 wondering very heavily    
what it was that ,i had seen4  ,when    
,amroth came back to the rock he was    
fresh and smiling again3 he swung       
himself up1 and sat by me1 with his     
hands clasped round his knees4 ,then he 
looked at me1 and said1 ,i daresay you  
are surprised8 ,you did not expect to   
see such terrors and dangers here8 ,and 
it is a great mystery4  ,you must be    
kind1 ,i said1 and explain to me what   
has happened4  ,well1 said ,amroth1     
there is a large gang of men who infest 
this place1 who have got up here by     

their agility1 and can go no further1   
who make it their business to prevent   
all they can from coming up4 ,i confess 
that it is the hardest thing of all to  
understand why it is allowed2 but if you
 expect all to be plain sailing up here1
 you are mistaken4 ,one needs to be wary
 and strong4 ,they do much harm here1   
and will continue to do it4  ,what would
 have happened if they had found us     
here8 ,i said4  ,nothing very much1 said
 ,amroth2 a good deal of talk no doubt1 
and some blows perhaps4 ,but it was well
 ,i was with you1 because ,i could have 
summoned help4 ,they are not as strong  
as they look either--it is mostly fear  
that aids them4  ,well1 but who are     
they8 ,i said4  ,they are the most      
troublesome crew of all1 said ,amroth1  
and come nearest to the old idea of     
fiends--they are indeed the origin of   
that notion4 ,to speak plainly1 they are
 men who have lived virtuous lives1 and 
have done cruel things from good        
motives4 ,there are some kings and      

statesmen among them1 but they are      
mostly priests and schoolmasters1 ,i    
imagine--people with high ideals1 of    
course6 ,but they are not replenished so
 fast as they used to be1 ,i think4     
,their difficulty is that they can never
 see that they are wrong4 ,their notion 
is that this is a bad place to come to1 
and that people are better left in      
ignorance and bliss1 obedient and       
submissive4 ,a good many of them have   
given up the old rough methods1 and hang
 about the base of the cliff1 dissuading
 souls from climbing3 they do the most  
harm of all1 because if one does turn   
back here1 it is long before one may    
make a new attempt4 ,but enough of this1
 he added2 it makes me sick to think of 
them--the old fellow you saw with me had
 an awful fright--he was nearly done as 
it was6 ,but ,i see you are feeling     
stronger1 and ,i think we had better be 
going4 ,one does not stay here by       
choice1 though the place has a beauty of
 its own4 ,and now you will have an     

easier time for awhile4  ,we descended  
from our rock1 and ,amroth led the way1 
through a long cleft1 with rocks1 very  
rough and black1 on either side1 and    
fallen fragments under foot4 ,it was    
steep at first2 but soon the rocks grew 
lower2 and we came out presently on to a
 great desolate plain1 with stones lying
 thickly about1 among a coarse kind of  
grass4 ,at each step ,i seemed to grow  
stronger1 and walked more lightly1 and  
in the thin fine air my horrors left me1
 though ,i still had a dumb sense of    
suffering which1 strange to say1 ,i     
found it almost pleasant to resist4 ,and
 so we walked for a time in friendly    
silence1 ,amroth occasionally indicating
 the way4 ,the hill began to slope      
downwards very slowly1 and the wind to  
subside4 ,the mist drew off little by   
little1 till at last ,i saw ahead of us 
a great bare-looking fortress with high 
walls and little windows1 and a great   
blank tower over all4     ,,xviii   ,we 
were received at the guarded door of the

 fortress by a porter1 who seemed to be 
well acquainted with ,amroth4 ,within1  
it was a big1 bare place1 with1         
stone-arched cloisters and corridors1   
more like a monastery than a castle4    
,amroth led me briskly along the        
passages1 and took me into a large room 
very sparely furnished1 where an elderly
 man sat writing at a table with his    
back to the light4 ,he rose when we     
entered1 and ,i had a sudden sense that 
,i was coming to school again1 as indeed
 ,i was4 ,amroth greeted him with a     
mixture of freedom and respect1 as a    
well-loved pupil might treat an old     
schoolmaster4 ,the man himself was tall 
and upright1 and serious-looking1 but   
for a twinkle of humour that lurked in  
his eye2 yet ,i felt he was one who     
expected to be obeyed4 ,he took ,amroth 
into the embrasure of a window1 and     
talked with him in low tones4 ,then he  
came back to me and asked me a few      
questions of which ,i did not then      
understand the drift--but it seemed a   

kind of very informal examination4 ,then
 he made us a little bow of dismissal1  
and sat down at once to his writing     
without giving us another look4 ,amroth 
took me out1 and led me up many stone   
stairs1 along whitewashed passages1 with
 narrow windows looking out on the      
plain1 to a small cell or room near the 
top of the castle4 ,it was very         
austerely furnished1 but it had a little
 door which took us out on the leads1   
and ,i then saw what a very large place 
the fortress was1 consisting of several 
courts with a great central tower4      
,where on earth have we got to now8 ,i  
said4  ,nowhere 'on earth1' said        
,amroth4 ,you are at school again1 and  
you will find it very interesting1 ,i   
hope and expect1 but it will be hard    
work4 ,i will tell you plainly that you 
are lucky to be here1 because if you do 
well1 you will have the best sort of    
work to do4  ,but what am ,i to do1 and 
where am ,i to go8 ,i said4 ,i feel like
 a new boy1 with all sorts of dreadful  

rules in the background4  ,that will all
 be explained to you1 said ,amroth4 ,and
 now good-bye for the present4 ,let me  
hear a good report of you1 he added1    
with a parental air1 when ,i come again4
 ,what would not we older fellows give  
to be back here6 he added with a        
half-mocking smile4 ,let me tell you1 my
 boy1 you have got the happiest time of 
your life ahead of you4 ,well1 be a     
credit to your friends6  ,he gave me a  
nod and was gone4 ,i stood for a little 
looking out rather desolately into the  
plain4 ,there came a brisk tap at my    
door1 and a man entered4 ,he greeted me 
pleasantly1 gave me a few directions1   
and ,i gathered that he was one of the  
instructors4 ,you will find it hard     
work1 he said2 we do not waste time     
here4 ,but ,i gather that you have had  
rather a troublesome ascent1 so you can 
rest a little4 ,when you are required1  
you will be summoned4  ,when he left me1
 ,i still felt very weary1 and lay down 
on a little couch in the room1 falling  

presently asleep4 ,i was roused by the  
entry of a young man1 who said he had   
been sent to fetch me3 we went down     
along the passages1 while he talked     
pleasantly in low tones about the       
arrangements of the place4 ,as we went  
along the passages1 the doors of the    
cells kept opening1 and we were joined  
by young men and women1 who spoke to me 
or to each other1 but all in the same   
subdued voices1 till at last we entered 
a big1 bare1 arched room1 lit by high   
windows1 with rows of seats1 and a great
 desk or pulpit at the end4 ,i looked   
round me in great curiosity4 ,there must
 have been several hundred people       
present1 sitting in rows4 ,there was a  
murmur of talk over the hall1 till a    
bell suddenly sounded somewhere in the  
castle1 a door opened1 a man stepped    
quickly into the pulpit1 and began to   
speak in a very clear and distinct tone4
  ,the discourse--and all the other     
discourses to which ,i listened in the  
place--was of a psychological kind1     

dealing entirely with the relations of  
human beings with each other1 and the   
effect and interplay of emotions4 ,it   
was extremely scientific1 but couched in
 the simplest phraseology1 and made many
 things clear to me which had formerly  
been obscure4 ,there is nothing in the  
world so bewildering as the selective   
instinct of humanity1 the reasons which 
draw people to each other1 the          
attractive power of similarity and      
dissimilarity1 the effects of class and 
caste1 the abrupt approaches of passion1
 the influence of the body on the soul  
and of the soul on the body4 ,it came   
upon me with a shock of surprise that   
while these things are the most serious 
realities in the world1 and undoubtedly 
more important than any other thing1    
little attempt is made by humanity to   
unravel or classify them4 ,i cannot here
 enter into the details of these        
instructions1 which indeed would be     
unintelligible1 but they showed me at   
first what ,i had not at all            

apprehended1 namely the proportionate   
importance and unimportance of all the  
passions and emotions which regulate our
 relations with other souls4 ,these     
discourses were given at regular        
intervals1 and much of our time was     
spent in discussing together or working 
out in solitude the details of          
psychological problems1 which we did    
with the exactness of chemical analysis4
  ,what ,i soon came to understand was  
that the whole of psychology is ruled by
 the most exact and immutable laws1 in  
which there is nothing fortuitous or    
abnormal1 and that the exact course of  
an emotion can be predicted with perfect
 certainty if only all the data are     
known4  ,one of the most striking parts 
of these discourses was the fact that   
they were accompanied by illustrations4 
,i will describe the first of these     
which ,i saw4 ,the lecturer stopped for 
an instant and held up his hand4 ,in the
 middle of one of the side-walls of the 
room was a great shallow arched recess4 

,in this recess there suddenly appeared 
a scene1 not as though it were cast by a
 lantern on the wall1 but as if the wall
 were broken down1 and showed a room    
beyond4  ,in the room1 a comfortably    
furnished apartment1 there sat two      
people1 a husband and wife1 middle-aged 
people1 who were engaged in a miserable 
dispute about some very trivial matter4 
,the wife was shrill and provocative1   
the husband curt and contemptuous4 ,they
 were obviously not really concerned    
about the subject they were             
discussing--it only formed a ground for 
disagreeable personalities4 ,presently  
the man went out1 saying harshly that it
 was very pleasant to come back from his
 work1 day after day1 to these scenes2  
to which the woman fiercely retorted    
that it was all his own fault2 and when 
he was gone1 she sat for a time         
mechanically knitting1 with the tears   
trickling down her cheeks1 and every now
 and then glancing at the door4 ,after  
which1 with great secrecy1 she helped   

herself to some spirits which she took  
from a cupboard4  ,the scene was one of 
the most vulgar and debasing that can be
 described or imagined2 and it was      
curious to watch the expressions on the 
faces of my companions4 ,they wore the  
air of trained doctors or nurses1       
watching some disagreeable symptoms1    
with a sort of trained and serene       
compassion1 neither shocked nor grieved4
 ,then the situation was discussed and  
analysed1 and various suggestions were  
made which were dealt with by the       
lecturer1 in a way which showed me that 
there was much for us to master and to  
understand4  ,there were many other such
 illustrations given4 ,they were1 ,i    
discovered1 by no means imaginary cases1
 projected into our minds by a kind of  
mental suggestion1 but actual things    
happening upon earth4 ,we saw many      
strange scenes of tragedy1 we had a     
glimpse of lunatic asylums and          
hospitals1 of murder even1 and of evil  
passions of anger and lust4 ,we saw     

scenes of grief and terror2 and1        
stranger still1 we saw many things that 
were being enacted not on the earth1 but
 upon other planets1 where the forms and
 appearances of the creatures concerned 
were fantastic and strange enough1 but  
where the motive and the emotion were   
all perfectly clear4 ,at times1 too1 we 
saw scenes that were beautiful and      
touching1 high and heroic beyond words4 
,these seemed to come rather by contrast
 and for encouragement2 for the work was
 distinctly pathological1 and dealt with
 the disasters and complications of     
emotions1 as a rule1 rather than with   
their glories and radiances4 ,but it was
 all incredibly absorbing and           
interesting1 though what it was to lead 
up to ,i did not quite discern4 ,what   
struck me was the concentration of      
effort upon human emotion1 and still    
more the fact that other hopes and      
passions1 such as ambition and          
acquisitiveness1 as well as all material
 and economic problems1 were treated as 

infinitely insignificant1 as just the   
framework of human life1 only           
interesting in so far as the baser and  
meaner elements of circumstance can just
 influence1 refining or coarsening1 the 
highest traits of character and emotion4
  ,we were given special cases1 too1 to 
study and consider1 and here ,i had the 
first inkling of how far it is possible 
for disembodied spirits to be in touch  
with those who are still in the body4   
,as far as ,i can see1 no direct        
intellectual contact is possible1 except
 under certain circumstances4 ,there is1
 of course1 a great deal of             
thought-vibration taking place in the   
world1 to which the best analogy is     
wireless telegraphy4 ,there exists an   
all-pervading emotional medium1 into    
which every thought that is tinged with 
emotion sends a ripple4 ,thoughts which 
are concerned with personal emotion send
 the firmest ripple into this medium1   
and all other thoughts and passions     
affect it1 not in proportion to the     

intensity of the thought1 but to the    
nature of the thought4 ,the scale is    
perfectly determined and quite          
unalterable2 thus a thought1 however    
strong and intense1 which is concerned  
with wealth or with personal ambition   
sends a very little ripple into the     
medium1 while a thought of affection is 
very noticeable indeed1 and more        
noticeable in proportion as it is purer 
and less concerned with any kind of     
bodily passion4 ,thus1 strange to say1  
the thought of a father for a child is a
 stronger thought than that of a lover  
for his beloved4 ,i do not know the     
exact scale of force1 which is as exact 
as that of chemical values--and of      
course such emotions are apt to be      
complex and intricate2 but the purer and
 simpler the thought is1 the greater is 
its force4 ,perhaps the prayers that one
 prays for those whom one loves send the
 strongest ripple of all4 ,if it happens
 that two of these ripples of personal  
emotion are closely similar1 a reflex   

action takes place2 and thus is         
explained the phenomenon which often    
takes place1 the sudden sense of a      
friend's personality1 if that friend1 in
 absence1 writes one a letter1 or bends 
his mind intently upon one4 ,it also    
explains the way in which some national 
or cosmic emotion suddenly gains        
simultaneous force1 and vibrates in     
thousands of minds at the same time4    
,the body1 by its joys and sufferings   
alike1 offers a great obstruction to    
these emotional waves4 ,in the land of  
spirits1 as ,i have indicated1 an       
intention of congenial wills gives an   
instantaneous perception2 but this seems
 impossible between an embodied spirit  
and a disembodied spirit4 ,the only     
communication which seems possible is   
that of a vague emotion2 and it seems   
quite impossible for any sort of        
intellectual idea to be directly        
communicated by a disembodied spirit to 
an embodied spirit4  ,on the other hand1
 the intellectual processes of an       

embodied spirit are to a certain extent 
perceptible by a disembodied spirit2 but
 there is a condition to this1 and that 
is that some emotional sympathy must    
have existed between the two on earth4  
,if there is no such sympathy1 then the 
body is an absolute bar4  ,i could look 
into the mind of ,amroth and see his    
thought take shape1 as ,i could look    
into a stream1 and see a fish dart from 
a covert of weed4 ,but with those still 
in the body it is different4 ,and ,i    
will therefore proceed to describe a    
single experience which will illustrate 
my point4  ,i was ordered to study the  
case of a former friend of my own who   
was still living upon earth4 ,nothing   
was told me about him1 but1 sitting in  
my cell1 ,i put myself into             
communication with him upon earth4 ,he  
had been a contemporary of mine at the  
university1 and we had many interests in
 common4 ,he was a lawyer2 we did not   
very often meet1 but when we did meet it
 was always with great cordiality and   

sympathy4 ,i now found him ill and      
suffering from overwork1 in a very      
melancholy state4 ,when ,i first visited
 him1 he was sitting alone1 in the      
garden of a little house in the country4
 ,i could see that he was ill and sad2  
he was making pretence to read1 but the 
book was wholly disregarded4  ,when ,i  
attempted to put my mind into           
communication with his1 it was very     
difficult to see the drift of his       
thoughts4 ,i was like a man walking in a
 dense fog1 who can just discern at     
intervals recognisable objects as they  
come within his view2 but there was no  
general prospect and no distance4 ,his  
mind seemed a confused current of       
distressing memories2 but there came a  
time when his thought dwelt for a moment
 upon myself2 he wished that ,i could be
 with him1 that he might speak of some  
of his perplexities4 ,in that instant1  
the whole grew clearer1 and little by   
little ,i was enabled to trace the drift
 of his thoughts4 ,i became aware that  

though he was indeed suffering from     
overwork1 yet that his enforced rest    
only removed the mental distraction of  
his work1 and left his mind free to     
revive a whole troop of painful         
thoughts4 ,he had been a man of strong  
personal ambitions1 and had for twenty  
years been endeavouring to realise them4
 ,now a sense of the comparative        
worthlessness of his aims had come upon 
him4 ,he had despised and slighted other
 emotions2 and his mind had in          
consequence drifted away like a boat    
into a bitter and barren sea4 ,he was a 
lonely man1 and he was feeling that he  
had done ill in not multiplying human   
emotions and relations4 ,he reflected   
much upon the way in which he had       
neglected and despised his home         
affections1 while he had formed no ties 
of his own4 ,now1 too1 his career seemed
 to him at an end1 and he had nothing to
 look forward to but a maimed and       
invalided life of solitude and failure4 
,many of his thoughts ,i could not      

discern at all--the mist1 so to speak1  
involved them--while many were obscure  
to me4 ,when he thought about scenes and
 people whom ,i had never known1 the    
thought loomed shapeless and dark2 but  
when he thought1 as he often did1 about 
his school and university days1 and     
about his home circle1 all of which     
scenes were familiar to me1 ,i could    
read his mind with perfect clearness4   
,at the bottom of all lay a sense of    
deep disappointment and resentment4 ,he 
doubted the justice of ,god1 and blamed 
himself but little for his miseries4 ,it
 was a sad experience at first1 because 
he was falling day by day into more     
hopeless dejection2 while he refused the
 pathetic overtures of sympathy which   
the relations in whose house he was--a  
married sister with her husband and     
children--offered him4 ,he bore himself 
with courtesy and consideration1 but he 
was so much worn with fatigue and       
despondency that he could not take any  
initiative4 ,but ,i became aware very   

gradually that he was learning the true 
worth and proportion of things--and the 
months which passed so heavily for him  
brought him perceptions of the value of 
which he was hardly aware4 ,let me say  
that it was now that the incredible     
swiftness of time in the spiritual      
region made itself felt for me4 ,a month
 of his sufferings passed to me1        
contemplating them1 like an hour4  ,i   
found to my surprise that his thoughts  
of myself were becoming more frequent2  
and one day when he was turning over    
some old letters and reading a number of
 mine1 it seemed to me that his spirit  
almost recognised my presence in the    
words which came to his lips1 ,it seems 
like yesterday6 ,i then became blessedly
 aware that ,i was actually helping him1
 and that the very intentness of my own 
thought was quickening his own4  ,i     
discussed the whole case very closely   
and carefully with one of our           
instructors1 who set me right on several
 points and made the whole state of     

things clear to me4  ,i said to him1    
,one thing bewilders me2 it would almost
 seem that a man's work upon earth      
constituted an interruption and a       
distraction from spiritual influences4  
,it cannot surely be that people in the 
body should avoid employment1 and give  
themselves to secluded meditation8 ,if  
the soul grows fast in sadness and      
despondency1 it would seem that one     
should almost have courted sorrow on    
earth2 and yet ,i cannot believe that to
 be the case4  ,no1 he said1 it is not  
the case2 the body has here to be       
considered4 ,no amount of active        
exertion clouds the eye of the soul1 if 
only the motive of it is pure and lofty1
 and if the soul is only set patiently  
and faithfully upon the true end of     
life4 ,the body indeed requires due     
labour and exercise1 and the soul can   
gain health and clearness thereby4 ,but 
what does cloud the spirit is if it     
gives itself wholly up to narrow        
personal aims and ambitions1 and uses   

friendship and love as mere recreations 
and amusements4 ,sickness and sorrow are
 not1 as we used to think1 fortuitous   
things2 they are given to those who need
 them1 as high and rich opportunities2  
and they come as truly blessed gifts1   
when they break a man's thought off from
 material things1 and make him fall back
 upon the loving affections and         
relations of life4 ,when one re-enters  
the world1 a woman's life is sometimes  
granted to a spirit1 because a woman by 
circumstance and temperament is less    
tempted to decline upon meaner ambitions
 and interests than a man2 but work and 
activity are no hindrances to spiritual 
growth1 so long as the soul waits upon  
,god1 and desires to learn the lessons  
of life1 rather than to enforce its own 
conclusions upon others4  ,yes1 ,i said1
 ,i see that4 ,what1 then1 is the great 
hindrance in the life of men8           
,authority1 he said1 whether given or   
taken4 ,that is by far the greatest     
difficulty that a soul has to contend   

with4 ,the knowledge of the true        
conditions of life is so minute and yet 
so imperfect1 when one is in the body1  
that the man or woman who thinks it a   
duty to disapprove1 to correct1 to      
censure1 is in the gravest danger4 ,in  
the first place it is so impossible to  
disentangle the true conditions of any  
human life2 to know how far those       
failures which are lightly called sins  
are inherited instincts of the body1 or 
the manifestation of immaturity of      
spirit4 ,complacency1 hard              
righteousness1 spiritual security1      
severe judgments1 are the real foes of  
spiritual growth2 and if a man is in a  
position to enforce his influence and   
his will upon others1 he can fall very  
low indeed1 and suspend his own growth  
for a very long and sad period4 ,it is  
not the criticism or the analysis of    
others which hurts the soul1 so long as 
it remains modest and sincere and       
conscious of its own weaknesses4 ,it is 
when we indulge in secure or            

compassionate comparisons of our own    
superior worth that we go backwards4    
,this was but one of the many cases     
which ,i had to investigate4 ,i do not  
say that this is the work of all spirits
 in the other world--it is not so2 there
 are many kinds of work and occupation4 
,this was the one now allotted to me2   
but ,i did become aware of the intense  
and loving interest which is bent upon  
the souls of the living by those who are
 departed4 ,there is not a soul alive   
who is not being thus watched and       
tended1 and helped1 as far as help is   
possible2 for no one is ever forced or  
compelled or frightened into truth1 only
 drawn and wooed by love and care4  ,i  
must say a word1 too1 of the great and  
noble friendships which ,i formed at    
this period of my existence4 ,we were   
not free to make many of these at a     
time4 ,love seems to be the one thing   
that demands an entire concentration1   
and though in the world of spirits ,i   
became aware that one could be conscious

 of many of the thoughts of those about 
me simultaneously1 yet the emotion of   
love1 in the earlier stages1 is single  
and exclusive4  ,i will speak of two    
only4 ,there were a young man and a     
young woman who were much associated    
with me at that time1 whom ,i will call 
,philip and ,anna4 ,philip was one of   
the most beautiful of all the spirits ,i
 ever came near4 ,his last life upon    
earth had been a long one1 and he had   
been a teacher4 ,i used to tell him that
 ,i wished ,i had been under him as a   
pupil1 to which he replied1 laughing1   
that ,i should have found him very      
uninteresting4 ,he said to me once that 
the way in which he had always          
distinguished the two kinds of teachers 
on earth had been by whether they were  
always anxious to teach new books and   
new subjects1 or went on contentedly    
with the old4 ,the pleasure1 he said1   
was in the teaching1 in making the      
thought clear1 in tempting the boys to  
find out what they knew all the time2   

and the oftener ,i taught a subject the 
better ,i liked it2 it was like a big   
cog-wheel1 with a number of little      
cog-wheels turning with it4 ,but the men
 who were always wanting to change their
 subjects were the men who thought of   
their own intellectual interest first1  
and very little of the small interests  
revolving upon it4 ,the charm of ,philip
 was the charm of extreme ingenuousness 
combined with daring insight4 ,he never 
seemed to be shocked or distressed by   
anything4 ,he said one day1 ,it was not 
the sensual or the timid or the         
ill-tempered boys who used to make me   
anxious4 ,those were definite faults and
 brought definite punishment2 it was the
 hard-hearted1 virtuous1 ambitious1     
sensible boys1 who were good-humoured   
and respectable and selfish1 who        
bothered me2 one wanted to shake them as
 a terrier shakes a rat--but there was  
nothing to get hold of4 ,they were a    
credit to themselves and to their       
parents and to the school2 and yet they 

went downhill with every success4  ,anna
 was a woman of singularly unselfish and
 courageous temperament4 ,she had been1 
in the course of her last life upon     
earth1 a hospital nurse2 and she used to
 speak gratefully of the long periods   
when she was nursing some anxious case1 
when she had interchanged day and night1
 sleeping when the world was awake1 and 
sitting with a book or needlework by the
 sick-bed1 through the long darkness4   
,people used to say to me that it must  
be so depressing2 but those were my     
happiest hours1 as the dark brightened  
into dawn1 when many of the strange     
mysteries of life and pain and death    
gave up their secrets to me4 ,but of    
course1 she added with a smile1 it was  
all very dim to me4 ,i felt the truth   
rather than saw it2 and it is a great   
joy to me to perceive now what was      
happening1 and how the sad1 bewildered  
hours of pain and misery leave their    
blessed marks upon the soul1 like the   
tools of the graver on the gem4 ,if only

 we could learn to plan a little less   
and to believe a little more1 how much  
simpler it would all be6  ,these two    
became very dear to me1 and ,i learnt   
much heavenly wisdom from them in long1 
quiet conferences1 where we spoke       
frankly of all we had felt and known4   
,,xix   ,it was at this time1 ,i think1 
that a great change came over my        
thoughts1 or rather that ,i realised    
that a great change had gradually taken 
place4 ,till now1 ,i had been dominated 
and haunted by memories of my latest    
life upon earth2 but at intervals there 
had visited me a sense of older and     
purer recollections4 ,i cannot describe 
exactly how it came about--and1 indeed1 
the memory of what my heavenly progress 
had hitherto been1 as opposed to my     
earthly experience1 was never very clear
 to me2 but ,i became aware that my life
 in heaven--,i will call it heaven for  
want of a better name--was my real      
continuous life1 my home-life1 so to    
speak1 while my earthly lives had been1 

to pursue the metaphor1 like terms which
 a boy spends at school1 in which he is 
aware that he not only learns definite  
and tangible things1 but that his       
character is hardened and consolidated  
by coming into contact with the rougher 
facts of life--duty1 responsibility1    
friendships1 angers1 treacheries1       
temptations1 routine4 ,the boy returns  
with gladness to the serener and sweeter
 atmosphere of home2 and just in the    
same way ,i felt ,i had returned to the 
larger and purer life of heaven4 ,but1  
as ,i say1 the recollection of my       
earlier life in heaven1 my occupations  
and experience1 was never clear to me1  
but rather as a luminous and haunting   
mist4 ,i questioned ,amroth about this  
once1 and he said that this was the     
universal experience1 and that the      
earthly lives one lived were like deep  
trenches cut across a path1 and seemed  
to interrupt the heavenly sequence2 but 
that as the spirit grew more pure and   
wise1 the consciousness of the heavenly 

life became more distinct and secure4   
,but he added1 what ,i did not quite    
understand1 that there was little need  
of memory in the life of heaven1 and    
that it was to a great extent the       
inheritance of the body4 ,memory1 he    
said1 was to a great extent an          
interruption to life2 the thought of    
past failures and mistakes1 and         
especially of unkindnesses and          
misunderstandings1 tended to obscure and
 complicate one's relations with other  
souls2 but that in heaven1 where        
activity and energy were untiring and   
unceasing1 one lived far more in the    
emotion and work of the moment1 and less
 in retrospect and prospect4 ,what      
mattered was actual experience and the  
effect of experience2 memory itself was 
but an artistic method of dealing with  
the past1 and corresponded to fanciful  
and delightful anticipations of the     
future4 ,the truth is1 he said1 that the
 indulgence of memory is to a great     
extent a mere sentimental weakness2 to  

live much in recollection is a sign of  
exhausted and depleted vitality4 ,the   
further you are removed from your last  
earthly life1 the less tempted you will 
be to recall it4 ,the highest spirits of
 all here1 he said1 have no temptation  
ever to revert to retrospect1 because   
the pure energies of the moment are     
all-sustaining and all-sufficing4  ,the 
only trace ,i ever noticed of any memory
 of my past life in heaven was that     
things sometimes seemed surprisingly    
familiar to me1 and that ,i had the     
sense of a serene permanence1 which     
possessed and encompassed me4 ,indeed ,i
 came to believe that the strange       
feeling of permanence which haunts one  
upon earth1 when one is happy and       
content1 even though one knows that     
everything is changing and shifting     
around one1 and that all is precarious  
and uncertain1 is in itself a memory of 
the serene and untroubled continuance of
 heaven1 and a desire to taste it and   
realise it4  ,be this as it may1 from   

the time of my finding my settled task  
and ordered place in the heavenly       
community the memories of my old life   
upon earth began to fade from my        
thoughts4 ,i could1 indeed1 always      
recall them by an effort1 but there     
seemed less and less inclination to do  
so the more ,i became absorbed in my    
heavenly activities4  ,one thing ,i     
noticed in these days2 it surprised me  
very greatly1 till ,i reflected that my 
surprise was but the consequence of the 
strange and mournful blindness with     
regard to spiritual things in which we  
live under the dark skies of earth4 ,we 
have there a false idea that somehow or 
other death takes all the individuality 
out of a man1 obliterating all the      
whims1 prejudices1 the thorny and       
unreasonable dislikes and fancies1      
oddities1 tempers1 roughnesses1 and     
subtlenesses from a temperament4 ,of    
course there are a good many of these   
things which disappear together with the
 body1 such as the glooms1 suspicions1  

and cloudy irritabilities1 which are    
caused by fatigue and malaise1 and by   
ill-health generally4 ,but a man's whims
 and fancies and dislikes do not by any 
means disappear on earth when he is in  
good health2 on the contrary1 they are  
often apt to be accentuated and         
emphasised when he is free from pain and
 care and anxiety1 and riding blithely  
over the waves of life4 ,indeed there   
are men whom ,i have known who are never
 kind or sympathetic till they are in   
some wearing trouble of their own2 when 
they are prosperous and cheerful1 they  
are frankly intolerable1 because their  
mirth turns to derision and insolence4  
,but one of the reasons why the heavenly
 life is apt to appear in prospect so   
wearisome a thing is1 because we are    
brought up to feel that the whole       
character is flattened out and charged  
with a serene kind of priggishness1     
which takes all the salt out of life4   
,the word saintly1 so terribly          
misapplied on earth1 grows to mean1 to  

many of us1 an irritating sort of       
kindness1 which treats the interests and
 animated elements of life with a       
painful condescension1 and a sympathy of
 which the basis is duty rather than    
love4 ,the true sanctification1 which ,i
 came to perceive something of later1 is
 the result of a process of endless     
patience and infinite delay1 and the    
attainment of it implies a humility1    
seven times refined in the fires of     
self-contempt1 in which there remains no
 smallest touch of superiority or       
aloofness4 ,how utterly depressing is   
the feigned interest of the imperfect   
human saint in matters of mundane       
concern6 ,how it takes at once both the 
joy out of holiness and the spirit out  
of human effort6 ,it is as dreary as the
 professional sympathy of the secluded  
student for the news of athletic        
contests1 as the tolerance of the shrewd
 man of science for the feminine logic  
of religious sentiment6  ,but ,i found  
to my great content that whatever change

 had passed over the spirits of my      
companions1 they had at least lost no   
fibre of their individuality4 ,the      
change that had passed over them was    
like the change that passes over a young
 man1 who has lived at the ,university  
among dilettante literary designs and   
mild sociological theorising1 when he   
finds himself plunged into the urgent   
practical activities of the world4 ,our 
happiness was the happiness which comes 
of intense toil1 with no fatigue to dog 
it1 and from a consciousness of the     
vital issues which we were pursuing4    
,but my companions had still            
intellectual faults and preferences1    
self-confidence1 critical intolerance1  
boisterousness1 wilfulness4 ,stranger   
still1 ,i found coldness1 anger1        
jealousy1 still at work4 ,of course in  
the latter case reconciliation was      
easier1 both in the light of common     
enthusiasm and1 still more1 because     
mental communication was so much swifter
 and easier than it had been on earth4  

,there was no need of those protracted  
talks1 those tiresome explanations which
 clever people1 who really love and     
esteem each other1 fall into on         
earth--the statements which affirm      
nothing1 the explanations which         
elucidate nothing1 because of the       
intricacies of human speech and the fact
 that people use the same words with    
such different implications and         
meanings4 ,all those became unnecessary1
 because one could pierce               
instantaneously into the very essence of
 the soul1 and manifest1 without the    
need of expression1 the regard and      
affection which lay beneath the         
cross-currents of emotion4 ,but love and
 affection waxed and waned in heaven as 
on earth2 it was weakened and it was    
transferred4 ,few souls are so serene on
 earth as to see with perfect equanimity
 a friend1 whom one loves and trusts1   
becoming absorbed in some new and       
exciting emotion1 which may not perhaps 
obliterate the original regard1 but     

which must withdraw from it for a time  
the energy which fed the flame of the   
intermitted relation4  ,it was very     
strange to me to realise the fact that  
friendships and intimacies were formed  
as on earth1 and that they lost their   
freshness1 either from some lack of real
 congeniality or from some divergence of
 development4 ,sometimes1 ,i may add1   
our teachers were consulted by the      
aggrieved1 sometimes they even          
intervened unasked4  ,i will freely     
confess that this all immensely         
heightened the interests to me of our   
common life4 ,one could see two spirits 
drawn together by some secret tie of    
emotion1 and one could see some further 
influence strike across and suspend it4 
,one case of this ,i will mention1 which
 is typical of many4 ,there came among  
us an extremely lively and rather       
whimsical spirit1 more like a boy than a
 man4 ,i wondered at first why he was   
chosen for this work1 because he seemed 
both fitful and even capricious2 but ,i 

gradually realised in him an            
extraordinary fineness of perception1   
and a swiftness of intuition almost     
unrivalled4 ,he had a power of weighing 
almost by instinct the constituent      
elements of character1 which seemed to  
me something like the power of tonality 
in a musician1 the gift of recognising1 
by pure faculty1 what any notes may be1 
however confusedly jangled on an        
instrument4 ,it was wonderful to me how 
often his instantaneous judgments proved
 more sagacious than our carefully      
formed conclusions4  ,this boy became   
extraordinarily attractive to an older  
woman who was one of our number1 who was
 solitary and abstracted1 and of an     
intense seriousness of devotion to her  
work4 ,it was evident both that she felt
 his charm intensely and that her       
disposition was wholly alien to the     
disposition of the boy himself4 ,in     
fact1 she simply bored him4 ,he took all
 that he did lightly1 and achieved by an
 intense momentary concentration what   

she could only achieve by slow          
reflection4 ,this devotion had in it    
something that was strangely pathetic1  
because it took the form in her of      
making her wish to conciliate the boy's 
admiration1 by treating thoughts and    
ideas with a lightness and a humour to  
which she could by no means attain1 and 
which made things worse rather than     
better1 because she could read so       
easily1 in the thoughts of others1 the  
impression that she was attempting a    
handling of topics which she could not  
in the least accomplish4 ,but advice was
 useless4 ,there it was1 the old1       
fierce1 constraining attraction of love1
 as it had been of old1 making havoc of 
comfortable arrangements1 attempting the
 impossible2 and yet one knew that she  
would gain by the process1 that she was 
opening a door in her heart that had    
hitherto been closed1 and learning a    
largeness of view and sympathy in the   
process4 ,her fault had ever been1 no   
doubt1 to estimate slow and accurate    

methods too highly1 and to believe that 
all was insecure and untrustworthy that 
was not painfully accumulated4 ,now she 
saw that genius could accomplish without
 effort or trouble what no amount of    
homely energy could effect1 and a new   
horizon was unveiled to her4 ,but on the
 boy it did not seem to have the right  
result4 ,he might have learned to extend
 his sympathy to a nature so dumb and   
plodding2 and this coldness of his      
called down a rebuke of what seemed     
almost undue sternness from one of our  
teachers4 ,it was not given in my       
presence1 but the boy1 bewildered by the
 severity which he did not anticipate1  
coupled indeed with a hint that he must 
be prepared1 if he could not exhibit a  
more elastic sympathy1 to have his      
course suspended in favour of some more 
simple discipline1 told me the whole    
matter4 ,what am ,i to do8 he said4 ,i  
cannot care for ,barbara2 her whole     
nature upsets me and revolts me4 ,i know
 she is very good and all that1 but ,i  

simply am not myself when she is by2 it 
is like taking a run with a tortoise6   
,well1 ,i said1 no one expects you to   
give up all your time to taking         
tortoises for runs2 but ,i suppose that 
tortoises have their rights1 and must   
not be jerked along on their backs1 like
 a sledge4  ,oh1 said he1 you are all   
against me1 ,i know2 and ,i am not sure 
that this place is not rather too solemn
 for me4 ,what is the good of being     
wiser than the aged1 if one has more    
commandments to keep8  ,things1 however1
 settled down in time4 ,barbara1 ,i     
think1 must have been taken to task as  
well1 because she gave up her attempts  
at wit2 and the end of it was that a    
quiet friendship sprang up between the  
incongruous pair1 like that between a   
wayward young brother and a plain1      
kindly1 and elderly sister1 of a very   
fine and chivalrous kind4  ,it must not 
be thought that we spent our time wholly
 in these emotional relations4 ,it was a
 place of hard and urgent work2 but ,i  

came to realise that1 just as on earth1 
institutions like schools and colleges1 
where a great variety of natures are    
gathered in close and daily contact1 are
 shot through and through with strange  
currents of emotion1 which some people  
pay no attention to1 and others dismiss 
as mere sentimentality1 so it was also  
bound to be beyond1 with this           
difference1 that whereas on earth we are
 shy and awkward with our friendships1  
and all sorts of physical complications 
intervene1 in the other world they      
assume their frank importance4 ,i saw   
that much of what is called the serious 
business of life is simply and solely   
necessitated by bodily needs1 and is    
really entirely temporary and trivial1  
while the real life of the soul1 which  
underlies it all1 stifled and subdued1  
pent-up uneasily and cramped unkindly   
like a bright spring of water under the 
superincumbent earth1 finds its way at  
last to the light4 ,on earth we         
awkwardly divide this impulse2 we speak 

of the relation of the soul to others   
and of the relation of the soul to ,god 
as two separate things4 ,we pass over   
the words of ,christ in the ,gospel1    
which directly contradict this1 and     
which make the one absolutely dependent 
on1 and conditional on1 the other4 ,we  
speak of human affection as a thing     
which may come in between the soul and  
,god1 while it is in reality the        
swiftest access thither4 ,we speak as   
though ambition were itself made more   
noble1 if it sternly abjures all        
multiplication of human tenderness4 ,we 
speak of a life which sacrifices        
material success to emotion as a failure
 and an irresponsible affair4 ,the truth
 is the precise opposite4 ,all the      
ambitions which have their end in       
personal prestige are wholly barren2 the
 ambitions which aim at social          
amelioration have a certain nobility    
about them1 though they substitute a    
tortuous by-path for a direct highway4  
,and the plain truth is that all social 

amelioration would grow up as naturally 
and as fragrantly as a flower1 if we    
could but refine and strengthen and     
awaken our slumbering emotions1 and let 
them grow out freely to gladden the     
little circle of earth in which we live 
and move4     ,,xx   ,it was at this    
time that ,i had a memorable interview  
with the ,master of the ,college4 ,he   
appeared very little among us1 though1  
he occasionally gave us a short         
instruction1 in which he summed up the  
teaching on a certain point4 ,he was a  
man of extraordinary impressiveness1    
mainly1 ,i think1 because he gave the   
sense of being occupied in much larger  
and wider interests4 ,i often pondered  
over the question why the short1 clear1 
rather dry discourses which fell from   
his lips appeared to be so far more     
weighty and momentous than anything else
 that was ever said to us4 ,he used no  
arts of exhortation1 showed no emotion1 
seemed hardly conscious of our presence2
 and if one caught his eye as he spoke1 

one became aware of a curious tremor of 
awe4 ,he never made any appeal to our   
hearts or feelings2 but it always seemed
 as if he had condescended for a moment 
to put aside far bigger and loftier     
designs in order to drop a fruit of     
ripened wisdom in our way4 ,he came     
among us1 indeed1 like a statesman      
rather than like a teacher4 ,the brief  
interviews we had with him were regarded
 with a sort of terror1 but produced1 in
 me at least1 an almost fanatical       
respect and admiration4 ,and yet ,i had 
no reason to suppose that he was not1   
like all of us1 subject to the law of   
life and pilgrimage1 though one could   
not conceive of him as having to enter  
the arena of life again as a helpless   
child6  ,on this occasion ,i was        
summoned suddenly to his presence4 ,i   
found him1 as usual1 bent over his work1
 which he did not intermit1 but merely  
motioned me to be seated4 ,presently he 
put away his papers from him1 and turned
 round upon me4 ,one of the             

disconcerting things about him was the  
fact that his thought had a peculiarly  
compelling tendency1 and that while he  
read one's mind in a flash1 his own     
thoughts remained very nearly           
impenetrable4 ,on this occasion he      
commended me for my work and my         
relations with my fellow-students1      
adding that ,i had made rapid progress4 
,he then said1 ,i have two questions to 
ask you4 ,have you any special          
relations1 either with any one whom you 
have left behind you on earth1 or with  
any one with whom you have made         
acquaintance since you quitted it1 which
 you desire to pursue8  ,i told him1    
which was the truth1 that since my stay 
in the ,college ,i had become so much   
absorbed in the studies of the place    
that ,i seemed to have became strangely 
oblivious of my external friends1 but   
that it was more a suspension than a    
destruction of would-be relations4      
,yes1 he said1 ,i perceive that that is 
your temperament4 ,it has its           

effectiveness1 no doubt1 but it also has
 its dangers2 and1 whatever happens1 one
 ought never to be able to accuse       
oneself justly of any disloyalty4  ,he  
seemed to wait for me to speak1         
whereupon ,i mentioned a very dear      
friend of my days of earth2 but ,i added
 that most of those whom ,i had loved   
best had predeceased me1 and that ,i had
 looked forward to a renewal of our     
intercourse4 ,i also mentioned the names
 of ,charmides and ,cynthia1 the latter 
of whom was in memory strangely near to 
my heart4  ,he seemed satisfied with    
this4 ,then he said1 ,it is true that we
 have to multiply relationships with    
others1 both in the world and out of it2
 but we must also practise economy4 ,we 
must not abandon ourselves to passing   
fancies1 or be subservient to charm1    
while if we have made an emotional      
mistake1 and have been disappointed with
 one whom we have taken the trouble to  
win1 we must guard such conquests with a
 close and peculiar tenderness4 ,but    

enough of that1 for ,i have to ask you  
if there is any special work for which  
you feel yourself disposed4 ,there is a 
great choice of employment here4 ,you   
may choose1 if you will1 just to live   
the spiritual life and discharge        
whatever duties of citizenship you may  
be called upon to perform4 ,that is what
 most spirits do4 ,i need not perhaps   
tell you--here he smiled--that freedom  
from the body does not confer upon any  
one1 as our poor brothers and sisters   
upon earth seem to think1 a heavenly    
vocation4 ,neither of course is the     
earthly fallacy about a mere absorption 
in worship a true one--only to a very   
few is that conceded4 ,still less is    
this a life of leisure4 ,to be leisurely
 here is permitted only to the wearied1 
and to those childish creatures with    
whom you have spent some time in their  
barren security4 ,i do not think you are
 suited for the work of recording the   
great scheme of life1 nor do ,i think   
you are made for a teacher4 ,you are not

 sufficiently impartial6 ,for mere      
labour you are not suited2 and yet ,i   
hardly think you would be fit to adopt  
the most honourable task which your     
friend ,amroth so finely fulfils--a     
guide and messenger4 ,what do you think8
  ,i said at once that ,i did not wish  
to have to make a decision1 but that ,i 
preferred to leave it to him4 ,i added  
that though ,i was conscious of my      
deficiencies1 ,i did not feel conscious 
of any particular capacities1 except    
that ,i found character a very          
fascinating study1 especially in        
connection with the circumstances of    
life upon earth4  ,very well1 he said1  
,i think that you may perhaps be best   
suited to the work of deciding what sort
 of life will best befit the souls who  
are prepared to take up their life upon 
earth again4 ,that is a task of deep and
 infinite concern2 it may surprise you1 
he added1 to learn that this is left to 
the decision of other souls4 ,but it is1
 of course1 the goal at which all       

earthly social systems are aiming1 the  
right apportionment of circumstances to 
temperament1 and you must not be        
surprised to find that here we have gone
 much further in that direction1 though 
even here the system is not perfected2  
and you cannot begin to apprehend that  
fact too soon4 ,it is unfortunate that  
on earth it is commonly believed1 owing 
to the deadening influence of material  
causes1 that beyond the grave everything
 is done with a ,divine unanimity4 ,but 
of course1 if that were so1 further     
growth and development would be         
impossible1 and in view of infinite     
perfectibility there is yet very much   
that is faulty and incomplete4 ,but ,i  
am not sure what lies before you2 there 
is something in your temperament which a
 little baffles me1 and our plans may   
have to be changed4 ,your very          
absorption in your work1 your quick     
power of forgetting and throwing off    
impressions has its dangers4 ,but ,i    
will bear in mind what you have said1   

and you may for the present resume your 
studies1 and ,i will once more commend  
you2 you have done well hitherto1 and ,i
 will say frankly that ,i regard you as 
capable of useful and honourable work4  
,he bowed in token of dismissal1 and ,i 
went back to my work with unbounded     
gratitude and enthusiasm4     ,,xxi     
,some time after this ,i was surprised  
one morning at the sudden entrance of   
,amroth into my cell4 ,he came in with a
 very bright and holiday aspect1 and1   
assuming a paternal air1 said that he   
had heard a very creditable account of  
my work and conduct1 and that he had    
obtained leave for me to have an exeat4 
,i suppose that ,i showed signs of      
impatience at the interruption1 for he  
broke into a laugh1 and said1 ,well1 ,i 
am going to insist4 ,i believe you are  
working too hard1 and we must not       
overstrain our faculties4 ,it was bad   
enough1 in the old days1 but then it was
 generally the poor body which suffered 
first4 ,but indeed it is quite possible 

to overwork here1 and you have the dim  
air of the pale student4 ,come1 he said1
 whatever happens1 do not become        
priggish4 ,not to want a holiday is a   
sign of spiritual pride4 ,besides1 ,i   
have some curious things to show you4   
,i got up and said that ,i was ready1   
and ,amroth led the way like a boy out  
for a holiday4 ,he was brimming over    
with talk1 and told me some stories     
about my friends in the land of delight1
 interspersing them with imitation of   
their manner and gesture1 which made me 
giggle--,amroth was an admirable mimic4 
,i had hopes of ,charmides1 he said2    
your stay there aroused his curiosity4  
,but he has gone back to his absurd     
tones and half-tones1 and is nearly     
insupportable4 ,cynthia is much more    
sensible1 but ,lucius is a nuisance1 and
 ,charmides1 by the way1 has become     
absurdly jealous of him4 ,they really   
are very silly2 but ,i have a pleasant  
plot1 which ,i will unfold to you4  ,as 
we went down the interminable stairs1 ,i

 said to ,amroth1 ,there is a question  
,i want to ask you4 ,why do we have to  
go and come1 up and down1 backwards and 
forwards1 in this absurd way1 as if we  
were still in the body8 ,why not just   
slip off the leads1 and fly down over   
the crags like a pair of pigeons8 ,it   
all seems to me so terribly material4   
,amroth looked at me with a smile4 ,i   
don't advise you to try1 he said4 ,why1 
little brother1 of course we are just as
 limited here in these ways4 ,the       
material laws of earth are only a type  
of the laws here4 ,they all have a      
meaning which remains true4  ,but1 ,i   
said1 we can visit the earth with       
incredible rapidity8  ,how can ,i       
explain8 said ,amroth4 ,of course we can
 do that1 because the material universe 
is so extremely small in comparison4    
,all the stars in the world are here but
 as a heap of sand1 like the motes which
 dance in a sunbeam4 ,there is no       
question of size1 of course6 ,but there 
is such a thing as spiritual nearness   

and spiritual distance for all that4    
,the souls who do not return to earth   
are very far off1 as you will sometime  
see4 ,but we messengers have our short  
cuts1 and ,i shall take advantage of    
them to-day4  ,we went out of the great 
door of the fortress1 and ,i felt a     
sense of relief4 ,it was good to put it 
all behind one4 ,for a long time ,i     
talked to ,amroth about all my doings4  
,come1 he said at last1 this will never 
do6 ,you are becoming something of a    
bore6 ,do you know that your talk is    
very provincial8 ,you seem to have      
forgotten about every one and everything
 except your ,philips and ,annas--very  
worthy creatures1 no doubt--and the     
,master1 who is a very able man1 but not
 the little demigod you believe4 ,you   
are hypnotised6 ,it is indeed time for  
you to have a holiday4 ,why1 ,i believe 
you have half forgotten about me1 and   
yet you made a great fuss when ,i       
quitted you4  ,i smiled1 frowned1       
blushed4 ,it was indeed true4 ,now that 

he was with me ,i loved him as well1    
indeed better than ever2 but ,i had not 
been thinking very much about him4  ,we 
went over the moorlands in the keen air1
 ,amroth striding cleanly and lightly   
over the heather4 ,then we began to     
descend into the valley1 through a fine 
forest country1 somewhat like the       
chestnut-woods of the ,apennines4 ,the  
view was of incomparable beauty and     
width4 ,i could see a great city far out
 in the plain1 with a river entering it 
and leaving it1 like a ribbon of silver4
 ,there were rolling ridges beyond4 ,on 
the left rose huge1 shadowy1 snow-clad  
hills1 rising to one tremendous dome of 
snow4  ,where are you going to take me8 
,i said to ,amroth4  ,never mind1 said  
he2 it's my day and my plan for once4   
,you shall see what you shall see1 and  
it will amuse me to hear your ingenuous 
conjectures4  ,we were soon on the      
outskirts of the city we had seen1 which
 seemed a different kind of place from  
any ,i had yet visited4 ,it was built1  

,i perceived1 upon an exactly conceived 
plan1 of a stately1 classical kind of   
architecture1 with great gateways and   
colonnades4 ,there were people about1   
rather silent and serious-looking1      
soberly clad1 who saluted us as we      
passed1 but made no attempt to talk to  
us4 ,this is rather a tiresome place1 ,i
 always think1 said ,amroth2 but you    
ought to see it4  ,we went along the    
great street and reached a square4 ,i   
was surprised at the elderly air of all 
we met4 ,we found ourselves opposite a  
great building with a dome1 like a      
church4 ,people were going in under the 
portico1 and we went in with them4 ,they
 treated us as strangers1 and made      
courteous way for us to pass4  ,inside1 
the footfalls fell dumbly upon a great  
carpeted floor4 ,it was very like a     
great church1 except that there was no  
altar or sign of worship4 ,at the far   
end1 under an alcove1 was a statue of   
white marble gleaming white1 with head  
and hand uplifted4 ,the whole place had 

a solemn and noble air4 ,out of the     
central nave there opened a series of   
great vaulted chapels2 and ,i could now 
see that in each chapel there was a dark
 figure1 in a sort of pulpit1 addressing
 a standing audience4 ,there were names 
on scrolls over the doors of the light  
iron-work screens which separated the   
chapels from the nave1 but they were in 
a language ,i did not understand4       
,amroth stopped at the third of the     
chapels1 and said1 ,here1 this will do4 
,we came in1 and as before there was a  
courteous notice taken of us4 ,a man in 
black came forward1 and led us to a high
 seat1 like a pew1 near the preacher1   
from which we could survey the crowd4 ,i
 was struck with their look of weariness
 combined with intentness4  ,the        
lecturer1 a young man1 had made a pause1
 but upon our taking our places1 he     
resumed his speech4 ,it was a discourse1
 as far as ,i could make out1 on the    
development of poetry2 he was speaking  
of lyrical poetry4 ,i will not here     

reproduce it4 ,i will only say that     
anything more acute1 delicate1 and      
discriminating1 and1 ,i must add1 more  
entirely valueless and pedantic1 ,i do  
not think ,i ever heard4 ,it must have  
required immense and complicated        
knowledge4 ,he was tracing the          
development of a certain kind of        
dramatic lyric1 and what surprised me   
was that he supplied the subtle         
intellectual connection1 the missing    
links1 so to speak1 of which there is no
 earthly record4 ,let me give a single  
instance4 ,he was accounting for a      
rather sudden change of thought in a    
well-known poet1 and he showed that it  
had been brought about by his making the
 acquaintance of a certain friend who   
had introduced him to a new range of    
subjects1 and by his study of certain   
books4 ,these facts are unrecorded in   
his published biography1 but the        
analysis of the lecturer1 done in a few 
pointed sentences1 not only carried     
conviction to the mind1 but just1 so to 

speak1 laid the truth bare4 ,and yet it 
was all to me incredibly sterile and    
arid4 ,not the slightest interest was   
taken in the emotional or psychological 
side2 it was all purely and exactly     
scientific4 ,we waited until the end of 
the address1 which was greeted with     
decorous applause1 and the hall was     
emptied in a moment4  ,we visited other 
chapels where the same sort of thing was
 going on in other subjects4 ,it all    
produced in me a sort of stupefaction1  
both at the amazing knowledge involved1 
and in the essential futility of it all4
  ,before we left the building we went  
up to the statue1 which represented a   
female figure1 looking upwards1 with a  
pure and delicate beauty of form and    
gesture that was inexpressibly and      
coldly lovely4  ,we went out in silence1
 which seemed to be the rule of the     
place4  ,when we came away from the     
building we were accosted by a very     
grave and courteous person1 who said    
that he perceived that we were          

strangers1 and asked if he could be of  
any service to us1 and whether we       
proposed to make a stay of any duration4
 ,amroth thanked him1 and said smilingly
 that we were only passing through4 ,the
 gentleman said that it was a pity1     
because there was much of interest to   
hear4 ,in this place1 he said with a    
deprecating gesture1 we grudge every    
hour that is not devoted to thought4 ,he
 went on to inquire if we were following
 any particular line of study1 and as   
our answers were unsatisfactory1 he said
 that we could not do better than begin 
by attending the school of literature4  
,i observed1 he said1 that you were     
listening to our ,professor1 ,sylvanus1 
with attention4 ,he is devoting himself 
to the development of poetical form4 ,it
 is a rich subject4 ,it has generally   
been believed that poets work by a sort 
of native inspiration1 and that the     
poetic gift is a sort of heightening of 
temperament4 ,but ,sylvanus has         
proved--,i think ,i may go so far as to 

say this--that this is all pure fancy1  
and what is worse1 unsound fancy4 ,it is
 all merely a matter of heredity1 and   
the apparent accidents on which poetical
 expression depends can be analysed     
exactly and precisely into the most     
commonplace and simple elements4 ,it is 
only a question of proportion4 ,now we  
who value clearness of mind above       
everything1 find this a very refreshing 
thought4 ,the real crown and sum of     
human achievement1 in the intellectual  
domain1 is to see things clearly and    
exactly1 and upon that clearness all    
progress depends4 ,we have disposed by  
this time of most illusions2 and the    
same scientific method is being         
strenuously applied to all other        
processes of human endeavour4 ,it is    
even hinted that ,sylvanus has          
practically proved that the imaginative 
element in literature is purely a taint 
of barbarism1 though he has not yet     
announced the fact4 ,but many of his    
class are looking forward to his final  

lecture on the subject as to a          
profoundly sensational event1 which is  
likely to set a deep mark upon all our  
conceptions of literary endeavour4 ,so  
that1 he said with a tolerant smile1    
gently rubbing his hands together1 our  
life here is not by any means destitute 
of the elements of excitement1 though we
 most of us1 of course1 aim at the      
acquisition of a serene and philosophic 
temper4 ,but ,i must not delay you1 he  
added2 there is much to see and to hear1
 and you will be welcomed everywhere3   
and indeed ,i am myself somewhat closely
 engaged1 though in a subject which is  
not fraught with such polite emollience4
 ,i attend the school of metaphysics1   
from which we have at last1 ,i hope1    
eliminated the last traces of that      
debasing element of psychology1 which   
has so long vitiated the exact study of 
the subject4  ,he took himself off with 
a bow1 and ,i gazed blankly at ,amroth4 
,the conversation of that very polite   
person1 ,i said1 is like a bad dream6   

,what is this extraordinarily depressing
 place8 ,shall ,i have to undergo a     
course here8  ,no1 my dear boy1 said    
,amroth4 ,this is rather out of your    
depth4 ,but ,i am somewhat disappointed 
at your view of the situation4 ,surely  
these are all very important matters8   
,your disposition is1 ,i am afraid1     
incurably frivolous6 ,how could people  
be more worthily employed than in       
getting rid of the last traces of       
intellectual error1 and in referring    
everything to its actual origin8 ,did   
not your heart burn within you at his   
luminous exposition8 ,i had always      
thought you a boy of intellectual       
promise4  ,amroth1 ,i said1 ,i will not 
be made fun of4 ,this is the most       
dreadful place ,i have ever seen or     
conceived of6 ,it frightens me4 ,the    
dryness of pure science is terrifying   
enough1 but after all that has a kind of
 strange beauty1 because it deals either
 with transcendental ideas of           
mathematical relation1 or with the      

deducing of principle from accumulated  
facts4 ,but here the object appears to  
be to eliminate the human element from  
humanity4 ,i insist upon knowing where  
you have brought me1 and what is going  
on here4  ,well1 then1 said ,amroth1 ,i 
will conceal it from you no longer4     
,this is the paradise of thought1 where 
meagre and spurious philosophers1 and   
all who have submerged life in          
intellect1 have their reward4 ,it is1 as
 you say1 a very dreary place for       
children of nature like you and me4 ,but
 ,i do not suppose that there is a      
happier or a busier place in all our    
dominions4 ,the worst of it is that it  
is so terribly hard to get out of4 ,it  
is a blind alley and leads nowhere4     
,every step has to be retraced4 ,these  
people have to get a very severe dose of
 homely life to do them any good2 and   
the worst of it is that they are so     
entirely virtuous4 ,they have never had 
the time or the inclination to be       
anything else4 ,and they are among the  

most troublesome and undisciplined of   
all our people4 ,but ,i see you have had
 enough2 and unless you wish to wait for
 ,professor ,sylvanus's sensational     
pronouncement1 we will go elsewhere1 and
 have some other sort of fun4 ,but you  
must not be so much upset by these      
things4  ,it would kill me1 ,i said1 to 
hear any more of these lectures1 and if 
,i had to listen to much of our polite  
friend's conversation1 ,i should go out 
of my mind4 ,i would rather fall into   
the hands of the cragmen6 ,i would      
rather have a stand-up fight than be    
slowly stifled with interesting         
information4 ,but where do these unhappy
 people come from8  ,a few come from    
universities1 said ,amroth1 but they are
 not as a rule really learned men4 ,they
 are more the sort of people who        
subscribe to libraries1 and belong to   
local literary societies1 and go into a 
good many subjects on their own account4
 ,but really learned men are almost     
always more aware of their ignorance    

than of their knowledge1 and recognise  
the vitality of life1 even if they do   
not always exhibit it4 ,but come1 we are
 losing time1 and we must go further    
afield4     ,,xxii   ,we went some      
considerable distance1 after leaving our
 intellectual friends1 through very     
beautiful wooded country1 and as we went
 we talked with much animation about the
 intellectual life and its dangers4 ,it 
had always1 ,i confess1 appeared to me a
 harmless life enough2 not very         
effective1 perhaps1 and possibly liable 
to encourage a man in a trivial sort of 
self-conceit2 but ,i had always looked  
upon that as an instinctive kind of     
self-respect1 which kept an intellectual
 person from dwelling too sorely upon   
the sense of ineffectiveness2 as an     
addiction not more serious in its       
effects upon character than the practice
 of playing golf1 a thing in which a    
leisurely person might immerse himself1 
and cultivate a decent sense of         
self-importance4 ,but ,amroth showed me 

that the danger of it lay in the        
tendency to consider the intellect to be
 the basis of all life and progress4    
,the intellectual man1 he said1 is      
inclined to confuse his own acute       
perception of the movement of thought   
with the originating impulse of that    
movement4 ,but of course thought is a   
thing which ebbs and flows1 like public 
opinion1 according to its own laws1 and 
is not originated but only perceived by 
men of intellectual ability4 ,the danger
 of it is a particularly arid sort of   
self-conceit4 ,it is as if the ,lady of 
,shalott were to suppose that she       
created life by observing and rendering 
it in her magic web1 whereas her        
devotion to her task simply isolates her
 from the contact with other minds and  
hearts1 which is the one thing worth    
having4 ,that is1 of course1 the danger 
of the artist as well as of the         
philosopher4 ,they both stand aside from
 the throng1 and are so much absorbed in
 the aspect of thought and emotion that 

they do not realise that they are       
separated from it4 ,they are            
consequently spared1 when they come     
here1 the punishment which falls upon   
those who have mixed greedily1          
selfishly1 and cruelly with life1 of    
which you will have a sight before long4
 ,but that place of punishment is not   
nearly so sad or depressing a place as  
the paradise of delight1 and the        
paradise of intellect1 because the      
sufferers have no desire to stay there1 
can repent and feel ashamed1 and        
therefore can suffer1 which is always   
hopeful4 ,but the artistic and          
intellectual have really starved their  
capacity for suffering1 the one by      
treating all emotion as spectacular1 and
 the other by treating it as a puerile  
interruption to serious things4 ,it     
takes people a long time to work their  
way out of self-satisfaction6 ,but there
 is another curious place ,i wish you to
 visit4 ,it is a dreadful place in a    
way1 but by no means consciously        

unhappy1 and ,amroth pointed to a great 
building which stood on a slope of the  
hill above the forest1 with a wide and  
beautiful view from it4 ,before very    
long we came to a high stone wall with a
 gate carefully guarded4 ,here ,amroth  
said a few words to a porter1 and we    
went up through a beautiful terraced    
park4 ,in the park we saw little knots  
of people walking aimlessly about1 and a
 few more solitary figures4 ,but in each
 case they were accompanied by people   
whom ,i saw to be warders4 ,we passed   
indeed close to an elderly man1 rather  
fantastically dressed1 who looked       
possessed with a kind of flighty        
cheerfulness4 ,he was talking to himself
 with odd1 emphatic gestures1 as if he  
were ticking off the points of a speech4
 ,he came up to us and made us an       
effusive greeting1 praising the         
situation and convenience of the place1 
and wishing us a pleasant sojourn4 ,he  
then was silent for a moment1 and added1
 ,now there is a matter of some         

importance on which ,i should like your 
opinion4 ,at this the warder who was    
with him1 a strong1 stolid-looking man1 
with an expression at once slightly     
contemptuous and obviously kind1 held up
 his hand and said1 ,you will1 no doubt1
 sir1 remember that you have            
undertaken-- ,not a word1 not a word1   
said our friend2 of course you are      
right6 ,i have really nothing to say to 
these gentlemen4  ,we went up to the    
building1 which now became visible1 with
 its long and stately front of stone4   
,here again we were admitted with some  
precaution1 and after a few minutes     
there came a tall and benevolent-looking
 man1 to whom ,amroth spoke at some     
length4 ,the man then came up to me1    
said that he was very glad to welcome   
me1 and that he would be delighted to   
show us the place4  ,we went through    
fine and airy corridors1 into which many
 doors1 as of cells1 opened4            
,occasionally a man or a woman1 attended
 by a male or a female warder1 passed   

us4 ,the inmates had all the same kind  
of air--a sort of amused dignity1 which 
was very marked4 ,presently our         
companion opened a door with his key and
 we went in4 ,it was a small1           
pleasantly-furnished room4 ,some books1 
apparently of devotion1 lay on the      
table4 ,there was a little kneeling-desk
 near the window1 and the room had a    
half-monastic air about it4 ,when we    
entered1 an elderly man1 with a very    
serene face1 was looking earnestly into 
the door of a cupboard in the wall1     
which he was holding open2 there was1 so
 far as ,i could see1 nothing in the    
cupboard2 but the inmate seemed to be   
struggling with an access of rather     
overpowering mirth4 ,he bowed to us4    
,our conductor greeted him respectfully1
 and then said1 ,there is a stranger    
here who would like a little            
conversation with you1 if you can spare 
the time4  ,by all means1 said the      
inmate1 with a very ingratiating smile4 
,it is very kind of him to call upon me1

 and my time is entirely at his         
disposal4  ,our conductor said to me    
that he and ,amroth had some brief      
business to transact1 and that they     
would call for me again in a moment4    
,the inmate bowed1 and seemed almost    
impatient for them to depart4 ,he       
motioned me to a chair1 and the moment  
they left us he began to talk with great
 animation4 ,he asked me if ,i was a new
 inmate1 and when ,i said no1 only a    
visitor1 he looked at me                
compassionately1 saying that he hoped ,i
 might some day attain to the privilege4
 ,this1 he said1 is the abode of final  
and lasting peace4 ,no one is admitted  
here unless his convictions are of the  
firmest and most ardent character2 it is
 a reward for faithful service4 ,but as 
our time is short1 ,i must tell you1 he 
said1 of a very curious experience ,i   
have had this very morning--a spiritual 
experience of the most reassuring       
character4 ,you must know that ,i held a
 high official position in the religious

 world--,i will mention no details--and 
,i found at an early age1 ,i am glad to 
say1 the imperative necessity of forming
 absolutely impregnable convictions4 ,i 
went to work in the most business-like  
way4 ,i devoted some years to hard      
reading and solid thought1 and ,i found 
that the sect to which ,i belonged was  
lacking in certain definite notes of    
divine truth1 while the weight of       
evidence pointed in the clearest        
possible manner to the fact that one    
particular section of the ,church had   
preserved absolutely intact the         
primitive faith of the ,saints1 and was 
without any shadow of doubt the         
perfectly logical development of the    
principles of the ,gospel4 ,mine is not 
a nature that can admit of compromise2  
and at considerable sacrifice of worldly
 prospects ,i transferred my allegiance1
 and was instantly rewarded by a perfect
 serenity of conviction which has never 
faltered4  ,i had a friend with whom ,i 
had often discussed the matter1 who was 

much of my way of thinking4 ,but though 
,i showed him the illogical nature of   
his position1 he hung back--whether from
 material motives or from mere emotional
 associations ,i will not now stop to   
inquire4 ,but ,i could not palter with  
the truth4 ,i expostulated with him1 and
 pointed out to him in the sternest     
terms the eternal distinctions involved4
 ,i broke off all relations with him    
ultimately4 ,and after a life spent in  
the most solemn and candid denunciation 
of the fluidity of religious belief1    
which is the curse of our age1 though it
 involved me in many of the             
heart-rending suspensions of human      
intercourse with my nearest and dearest 
so plainly indicated in the ,gospel1 ,i 
passed at length1 in complete           
tranquillity1 to my final rest4 ,the    
first duty of the sincere believer is   
inflexible intolerance4 ,if a man will  
not recognise the truth when it is      
plainly presented to him1 he must accept
 the eternal consequences of his        

act--separation from ,god1 and          
absorption in guilty and awestruck      
regret1 which admits of no repentance4  
,one of the privileges of our sojourn   
here is that we have a strange and      
beautiful device--a window1 ,i will call
 it--which admits one to a sight of the 
spiritual world4 ,i was to-day          
contemplating1 not without pain1 but    
with absolute confidence in its justice1
 the sufferings of some of these lost   
souls1 and ,i observed1 ,i cannot say   
with satisfaction1 but with complete    
submission1 the form of my friend1 whom 
my testimony might have saved1 in       
eternal misery4 ,i have the tenderest   
heart of any man alive4 ,it has cost me 
a sore struggle to subdue it--it is more
 unruly even than the will--but you may 
imagine that it is a matter of deep and 
comforting assurance to reflect that on 
earth the door1 the one door1 to        
salvation is clearly and plainly        
indicated--though few there be that find
 it--and that this signal mercy has been

 vouchsafed to me4 ,i have then the     
peace of knowing1 not only that my      
choice was right1 but that all those to 
whom the truth is revealed have the     
power to choose it4 ,i am a firm        
believer in the uncovenanted mercies    
vouchsafed to those who have not had the
 advantages of clear presentment1 but   
for the deliberately unfaithful1 for all
 sinners against light1 the sentence is 
inflexible4  ,he closed his eyes1 and a 
smile played over his features4  ,i     
found it very difficult to say anything 
in answer to this monologue2 but ,i     
asked my companion whether he did not   
think that some clearer revelation might
 be made1 after the bodily death1 to    
those who for some human frailty were   
unable to receive it4  ,an intelligent  
question1 said my companion1 but ,i am  
obliged to answer in the negative4 ,of  
course the case is different for those  
who have accepted the truth loyally1    
even if their record is stained by the  
foulest and most detestable of crimes4  

,it is the moral and intellectual       
adhesion that matters2 that once        
secured1 conduct is comparatively       
unimportant1 if the soul duly recurs to 
the medicine of penitence and contrition
 so mercifully provided4 ,i have the    
utmost indulgence for every form of     
human frailty4 ,i may say that ,i never 
shrank from contact with the grossest   
and vilest forms of continuous          
wrong-doing1 so long as ,i was assured  
that the true doctrines were            
unhesitatingly and submissively         
accepted4 ,a soul which admits the      
supremacy of authority can go astray    
like a sheep that is lost1 but as long  
as it recognises its fold and the       
authority of the divine law1 it can be  
sought and found4  ,the little window of
 which ,i spoke has given me indubitable
 testimony of this4 ,there was a man ,i 
knew in the flesh1 who was regarded as a
 monster of cruelty and selfishness4 ,he
 ill-treated his wife and misused his   
children2 his life was spent in gross   

debauchery1 and his conduct on several  
occasions outstepped the sanctions of   
legality4 ,he was a forger and an       
embezzler4 ,i do not attempt to palliate
 his faults1 and there will be a heavy  
reckoning to pay4 ,but he made his      
submission at the last1 after a long and
 prostrating illness2 and ,i have ocular
 demonstration of the fact that1 after a
 mercifully brief period of suffering1  
he is numbered among the blest4 ,that is
 a sustaining thought4  ,he then with   
much courtesy invited me to partake of  
some refreshment1 which ,i gratefully   
declined4 ,once or twice he rose1 and   
opening the little cupboard door1 which 
revealed nothing but a white wall1 he   
drank in encouragement from some hidden 
sight4 ,he then invited me to kneel with
 him1 and prayed fervently and with some
 emotion that light might be vouchsafed 
to souls on earth who were in darkness4 
,just as he concluded1 ,amroth appeared 
with our conductor4 ,the latter made a  
courteous inquiry after my host's health

 and comfort4 ,i am perfectly happy     
here1 he said1 perfectly happy4 ,the    
attentions ,i receive are indeed more   
than ,i deserve2 and ,i am specially    
grateful to my kind visitor1 whose      
indulgence ,i must beg for my somewhat  
prolonged statement--but when one has a 
cause much at heart1 he added with a    
smile1 some prolixity is easily excused4
  ,as we re-entered the corridor1 our   
conductor asked me if ,i would care to  
pay any more visits4 ,the case you have 
seen1 he said1 is an extremely typical  
and interesting one4  ,have you any     
hope1 said ,amroth1 of recovery8  ,of   
course1 of course1 said our conductor   
with a smile4 ,nothing is hopeless here2
 our cures are complete and even rapid2 
but this is a particularly obstinate    
one6  ,well1 said ,amroth1 would you    
like to see more8  ,no1 ,i said1 ,i have
 seen enough4 ,i cannot now bear any    
more4  ,our conductor smiled            
indulgently4  ,yes1 he said1 it is      
bewildering at first2 but one sees      

wonderful things here6 ,this is our     
library1 he added1 leading us to a great
 airy room1 full of books and           
reading-desks1 where a large number of  
inmates were sitting reading and        
writing4 ,they glanced up at us with    
friendly and contented smiles4 ,a little
 further on we came to another cell1    
before which our conductor stopped1 and 
looked at me4 ,i should like1 he said1  
if you are not too tired1 just to take  
you in here2 there is a patient1 who is 
very near recovery indeed1 in here1 and 
it would do him good to have a little   
talk with a stranger4  ,i bowed1 and we 
went in4 ,a man was sitting in a chair  
with his head in his hands4 ,an         
attendant was sitting near the window   
reading a book4 ,the patient1 at our    
entry1 removed his hands from his face  
and looked up1 half impatiently1 with an
 air of great suffering1 and then slowly
 rose4  ,how are you feeling1 dear sir8 
said our conductor quietly4  ,oh1 said  
the man1 looking at us1 ,i am better1   

much better4 ,the light is breaking in1 
but it is a sore business1 when ,i was  
so strong in my pride4  ,ah1 said our   
guide1 it is indeed a slow process2 but 
happiness and health must be purchased2 
and every day ,i see clearly that you   
are drawing nearer to the end of your   
troubles--you will soon be leaving us6  
,but now ,i want you kindly to bestir   
yourself1 and talk a little to this     
friend of ours1 who has not been long   
with us1 and finds the place somewhat1  
bewildering4 ,you will be able to tell  
him something of what is passing in your
 mind2 it will do you good to put it    
into words1 and it will be a help to    
him4  ,very well1 said the man gravely1 
,i will do my best4 ,and the others     
withdrew1 leaving me with the man4 ,when
 they had gone1 the man asked me to be  
seated1 and leaning his head upon his   
hand he said1 ,i do not know how much   
you know and how little1 so ,i will tell
 you that ,i left the world very        
confident in a particular form of faith1

 and very much disposed to despise and  
even to dislike those who did not agree 
with me4 ,i had lived1 ,i may say1      
uprightly and purely1 and ,i will       
confess that ,i even welcomed all signs 
of laxity and sinfulness in my          
opponents1 because it proved what ,i    
believed1 that wrong conduct sprang     
naturally from wrong belief4 ,i came    
here in great content1 and thought that 
this place was the reward of faithful   
living4 ,but ,i had a great shock4 ,i   
was very tenderly attached to one whom  
,i left on earth1 and the severest grief
 of my life was that she did not think  
as ,i did1 but used to plead with me for
 a wider outlook and a larger faith in  
the designs of ,god4 ,she used to say to
 me that she felt that ,god had         
different ways of saving different      
people1 and that people were saved by   
love and not by doctrine4 ,and this ,i  
combated with all my might4 ,i used to  
say1 ',doctrine first1 and love         
afterwards1' to which she often said1   

',no1 love is first6'  ,well1 some time 
ago ,i had a sight of her2 she had died1
 and entered this world of ours4 ,she   
was in a very different place from this1
 but she thought of me without ceasing1 
and her desire prevailed4 ,i saw her1   
though ,i was hidden from her1 and      
looked into her heart1 and discerned    
that the one thing which spoiled her joy
 was that ,i was parted from her4  ,and 
after that ,i had no more delight in my 
security4 ,i began to suffer and to     
yearn4 ,and then1 little by little1 ,i  
began to see that it is love after all  
which binds us together1 and which draws
 us to ,god2 but my difficulty is this1 
that ,i still believe that my faith is  
true2 and if that is true1 then other   
faiths cannot be true also1 and then ,i 
fall into sad bewilderment and despair4 
,he stopped and looked at me fixedly4   
,but1 ,i said1 if ,i may carry the      
thought further1 might not all be true8 
,two men may be very unlike each other  
in form and face and thought--yet both  

are very man4 ,it would be foolish      
arguing1 if a man were to say1 ',i am   
indeed a man1 and because my friend is  
unlike me--taller1 lighter-complexioned1
 swifter of thought--therefore he cannot
 be a man4' ,or1 again1 two men may     
travel by the same road1 and see many   
different things1 yet it is the same    
road they have both travelled2 and one  
need not say to the other1 ',you cannot 
have travelled by the same road1 because
 you did not see the violets on the bank
 under the wood1 or the spire that      
peeped through the trees at the folding 
of the valleys--and therefore you are a 
liar and a deceiver6' ,if one believes  
firmly in one's own faith1 one need not 
therefore say that all who do not hold  
it are perverse and wilful4 ,there is no
 excuse1 indeed1 for not holding to what
 we believe to be true1 but there is no 
excuse either for interfering with the  
sincere belief of another1 unless one   
can persuade him he is wrong4 ,is not   
the mistake to think that one holds the 

truth in its entirety1 and that one has 
no more to learn and to perceive8 ,i    
myself should welcome differences of    
faith1 because it shows me that faith is
 a larger thing even than ,i know4 ,what
 another sees may be but a thought that 
is hidden from me1 because the truth may
 be seen from a different angle4 ,to    
complain that we cannot see it all is as
 foolish as when the child is vexed     
because it cannot see the back of the   
moon4 ,and it seems to me that our duty 
is not to quarrel with others who see   
things that we do not see1 but to       
rejoice with them1 if they will allow   
us1 and meanwhile to discern what is    
shown to us as faithfully as we can4    
,the man heard me with a strange smile4 
,yes1 he said1 you are certainly right1 
and ,i bless the goodness that sent you 
hither2 but when you are gone1 ,i doubt 
that ,i shall fall back into my old     
perplexities1 and say to myself that    
though men may see different parts of   
the same thing1 they cannot see the same

 thing differently4  ,i think1 ,i said1 
that even that is possible1 because on  
earth things are often mere symbols1 and
 clothe themselves in material forms2   
and it is the form which deludes us4 ,i 
do not myself doubt that grace flows    
into us by very different channels4 ,we 
may not deny the claim of any one to    
derive grace from any source or symbol  
that he can4 ,the only thing we may and 
must dare to dispute is the claim that  
only by one channel may grace flow4 ,but
 ,i think that the words of the one whom
 you loved1 of whom you spoke1 are      
indeed true1 and that the love of each  
other and of ,god is the force which    
draws us1 by whatever rite or symbol or 
doctrine it may be interpreted4 ,that1  
as ,i read it1 is the message of        
,christ1 who gave up all things for     
utter love4  ,as ,i said this1 our guide
 and ,amroth entered the cell4 ,the man 
rose up quickly1 and drawing me apart1  
thanked me very heartily and with tears 
in his eyes2 and so we said farewell4   

,when we were outside1 ,i said to the   
guide1 ,may ,i ask you one question8    
,would it be of use if ,i remained here 
for a time to talk with that poor man8  
,it seemed a relief to him to open his  
heart1 and ,i would gladly be with him  
and try to comfort him4  ,the guide     
shook his head kindly4 ,no1 he said1 ,i 
think not4 ,i recognise your kindness   
very fully--but a soul like this must   
find the way alone2 and there is one who
 is helping him faster than any of us   
can avail to do2 and besides1 he added1 
he is very near indeed to his release4  
,so we went to the door1 and said       
farewell2 and ,amroth and ,i went       
forward4 ,then ,i said to him as we went
 down through the terraced garden1 and  
saw the inmates wandering about1 lost in
 dreams1 ,this must be a sad place to   
live in1 ,amroth6  ,no1 indeed1 said he1
 ,i do not think that there are any     
happier than those who have the charge  
here4 ,when the patients are in the grip
 of this disease1 they are themselves   

only too well content2 and it is a      
blessed thing to see the approach of    
doubt and suffering1 which means that   
health draws near4 ,there is no place in
 all our realm where one sees so clearly
 and beautifully the instant and perfect
 mercy of ,god1 and the joy of pain4    
,and so we passed together out of the   
guarded gate4     ,,xxiii   ,well1 said 
,amroth1 with a smile1 as we went out   
into the forest1 ,i am afraid that the  
last two visits have been rather a      
strain4 ,we must find something a little
 less serious2 but ,i am going to fill  
up all your time4 ,you had got too much 
taken up with your psychology1 and we   
must not live too much on theory1 and   
spin problems1 like the spider1 out of  
our own insides2 but we will not spend  
too much time in trudging over this     
country1 though it is well worth it4    
,did you ever see anything more         
beautiful than those pine-trees on the  
slope there1 with the blue distance     
between their stems8 ,but we must not   

make a business of landscape-gazing like
 our friend ,charmides6 ,we are men of  
affairs1 you and ,i4 ,come1 ,i will show
 you a thing4 ,shut your eyes for a     
minute and give me your hand4 ,now6  ,a 
sudden breeze fanned my face1 sweet and 
odorous1 like the wind out of a wood4   
,now1 said ,amroth1 we have arrived6    
,where do you think we are8  ,the scene 
had changed in an instant4 ,we were in a
 wide1 level country1 in green          
water-meadows1 with a full stream       
brimming its grassy banks1 in willowy   
loops4 ,not far away1 on a gently rising
 ground1 lay a long1 straggling village1
 of gabled houses1 among high trees4 ,it
 was like the sort of village that you  
may find in the pleasant ,wiltshire     
countryside1 and the sight filled me    
with a rush of old and joyful memories4 
,it is such a relief1 ,i said1 to       
realise that if man is made in the image
 of ,god1 heaven is made in the image of
 ,england6  ,that is only how you see   
it1 child1 said ,amroth4 ,some of my own

 happiest days were spent at ,tooting3  
would you be surprised if ,i said that  
it reminded me of ,tooting8  ,i am      
surprised at nothing1 ,i said4 ,i only  
know that it is all very considerate6   
,we entered the village1 and found a    
large number of people1 mostly young1   
going cheerfully about all sorts of     
simple work4 ,many of them were         
gardening1 and the gardens were full of 
old-fashioned flowers1 blooming in      
wonderful profusion4 ,there was an air  
of settled peace about the place1 the   
peace that on earth one often dreamed of
 finding1 and indeed thought one had    
found on visiting some secluded         
place--only to discover1 alas6 on a     
nearer acquaintance1 that life was as   
full of anxieties and cares there as    
elsewhere4 ,there were one or two       
elderly people going about1 giving      
directions or advice1 or lending a      
helping hand4 ,the workers nodded       
blithely to us1 but did not suspend     
their work4  ,what surprises me1 ,i said

 to ,amroth1 is to find every one so    
much occupied wherever we go4 ,one heard
 so much on earth about craving for     
rest1 that one grew to fancy that the   
other life was all going to be a sort of
 solemn meditation1 with an occasional  
hymn4  ,yes1 indeed1 said ,amroth1 it   
was the body that was tired--the soul is
 always fresh and strong--but rest is   
not idleness4 ,there is no such thing as
 unemployment here1 and there is hardly 
time1 indeed1 for all we have to do4    
,every one really loves work4 ,the child
 plays at working1 the man of leisure   
works at his play4 ,the difference here 
is that work is always amusing--there is
 no such thing as drudgery here4  ,we   
walked all through the village1 which   
stretched far away into the country4    
,the whole place hummed like a beehive  
on a ,july morning4 ,many sang to       
themselves as they went about their     
business1 and sometimes a couple of     
girls1 meeting in the roadway1 would    
entwine their arms and dance a few steps

 together1 with a kiss at parting4      
,there was a sense of high spirits      
everywhere4 ,at one place we found a    
group of children sitting in the shade  
of some trees1 while a woman of middle  
age told them a story4 ,we stood awhile 
to listen1 the woman giving us a        
pleasant nod as we approached4 ,it was a
 story of some pleasant adventure1 with 
nothing moral or sentimental about it1  
like an old folk-tale4 ,the children    
were listening with unconcealed delight4
  ,when we had walked a little further1 
,amroth said to me1 ,come1 ,i will give 
you three guesses4 ,who do you think1 by
 the light of your psychology1 are all  
these simple people8 ,i guessed in vain4
 ,well1 ,i see ,i must tell you1 he     
said4 ,would it surprise you to learn   
that most of these people whom you see  
here passed upon earth for wicked and   
unsatisfactory characters8 ,yet it is   
true4 ,don't you know the kind of boys  
there were at school1 who drifted into  
bad company and idle ways1 mostly out of

 mere good-nature1 went out into the    
world with a black mark against them1   
having been bullied in vain by virtuous 
masters1 the despair of their parents1  
always losing their employments1 and    
often coming what we used to call social
 croppers--untrustworthy1 sensual1      
feckless1 no one's enemy but their own1 
and yet preserving through it all a kind
 of simple good-nature1 always ready to 
share things with others1 never knowing 
how to take advantage of any one1       
trusting the most untrustworthy people2 
or if they were girls1 getting into     
trouble1 losing their good name1 perhaps
 living lives of shame in big           
cities--yet1 for all that1 guileless1   
affectionate1 never excusing themselves1
 believing they had deserved anything   
that befell them8 ,these were the sort  
of people to whom ,christ was so closely
 drawn4 ,they have no respectability1 no
 conventions2 they act upon instinct1   
never by reason1 often foolishly1 but   
seldom unkindly or selfishly4 ,they give

 all they have1 they never take4 ,they  
have the faults of children1 and the    
trustful affection of children4 ,they   
will do anything for any one who is kind
 to them and fond of them4 ,of course   
they are what is called hopeless1 and   
they use their poor bodies very ill4 ,in
 their last stages on earth they are    
often very deplorable objects1 slinking 
into public-houses1 plodding raggedly   
and dismally along highroads1 suffering 
cruelly and complaining little1         
conscious that they are universally     
reprobated1 and not exactly knowing why4
 ,they are the victims of society2 they 
do its dirty work1 and are cast away as 
offscourings4 ,they are really youthful 
and often beautiful spirits1 very void  
of offence1 and needing to be treated as
 children4 ,they live here in great     
happiness1 and are conscious vaguely of 
the good and great intention of ,god    
towards them4 ,they suffer in the world 
at the hands of cruel1 selfish1 and     
stupid people1 because they are both    

humble and disinterested4 ,but in all   
our realms ,i do not think there is a   
place of simpler and sweeter happiness  
than this1 because they do not take     
their forgiveness as a right1 but as a  
gracious and unexpected boon4 ,and      
indeed the sights and sounds of this    
place are the best medicine for crabbed1
 worldly1 conventional souls1 who are   
often brought here when they are drawing
 near the truth4  ,yes1 ,i said1 this is
 just what ,i wanted4 ,interesting as my
 work has lately been1 it has wanted    
simplicity4 ,i have grown to consider   
life too much as a series of cases1 and 
to forget that it is life itself that   
one must seek1 and not pathology4 ,this 
is the best sight ,i have seen1 for it  
is so far removed from all sense of     
judgment4 ,the song of the saints may be
 sometimes of mercy too4     ,,xxiv     
,and now1 said ,amroth1 that we have    
been refreshed by the sight of this     
guileless place1 and as our time is     
running short1 ,i am going to show you  

something very serious indeed4 ,in fact1
 before ,i show it you ,i must remind   
you carefully of one thing which ,i     
shall beg you to keep in mind4 ,there is
 nothing either cruel or hopeless here2 
all is implacably just and entirely     
merciful4 ,whatever a soul needs1 that  
it receives2 and it receives nothing    
that is vindictive or harsh4 ,the ideas 
of punishment on earth are hopelessly   
confused2 we do not know whether we are 
revenging ourselves for wrongs done to  
us1 or safeguarding society1 or         
deterring would-be offenders1 or trying 
to amend and uplift the criminal4 ,we   
end1 as a rule1 by making every one     
concerned1 whether punisher or punished1
 worse4 ,we encourage each other in     
vindictiveness and hypocrisy1 we cow and
 brutalise the transgressor4 ,we rescue 
no one1 we amend nothing4 ,and yet we   
cannot read the clear signs of all this4
 ,the milder our methods of punishment  
become1 the less crime is there to      
punish4 ,but instead of being at once   

kind and severe1 which is perfectly     
possible1 we are both cruel and         
sentimental4 ,now1 there is no such     
thing as sentiment here1 just as there  
is no cruelty4 ,there is emotion in full
 measure1 and severity in full measure2 
no one is either pettishly frightened or
 mildly forgiven2 and the joy that      
awaits us is all the more worth having1 
because it cannot be rashly enjoyed or  
reached by any short cuts2 but do not   
forget1 in what you now see1 that the   
end is joy4  ,he spoke so solemnly that 
,i was conscious of overmastering       
curiosity1 not unmixed with awe4 ,again 
the way was abbreviated4 ,amroth took me
 by the hand and bade me close my eyes4 
,the breeze beat upon my face for a     
moment4 ,when ,i opened my eyes1 we were
 on a bare hillside1 full of stones1 in 
a kind of grey and chilly haze which    
filled the air4 ,just ahead of us were  
some rough enclosures of stone1         
overlooked by a sort of tower4 ,they    
were like the big sheepfolds which ,i   

have seen on northern wolds1 into which 
the sheep of a whole hillside can be    
driven for shelter4 ,we went round the  
wall1 which was high and strong1 and    
came to the entrance of the tower1 the  
door of which stood open4 ,there seemed 
to be no one about1 no sign of life2 the
 only sound a curious wailing note1     
which came at intervals from one of the 
enclosures1 like the crying of a        
prisoned beast4 ,we went up into the    
tower2 the staircase ended in a bare    
room1 with four apertures1 one in each  
wall1 each leading into a kind of       
balcony4 ,amroth led the way into one of
 the balconies1 and pointed downwards4  
,we were looking down into one of the   
enclosures which lay just at our feet1  
not very far below4 ,the place was      
perfectly bare1 and roughly flagged with
 stones4 ,in the corner was a rough     
thatched shelter1 in which was some     
straw4 ,but what at once riveted my     
attention was the figure of a man1 who  
half lay1 half crouched upon the stones1

 his head in his hands1 in an attitude  
of utter abandonment4 ,he was dressed in
 a rough1 weather-worn sort of cloak1   
and his whole appearance suggested the  
basest neglect2 his hands were muscular 
and knotted2 his ragged grey hair       
streamed over the collar of his cloak4  
,while we looked at him1 he drew himself
 up into a sitting posture1 and turned  
his face blankly upon the sky4 ,it was1 
or had been1 a noble face enough1 deeply
 lined1 and with a look of command upon 
it2 but anything like the hopeless and  
utter misery of the drawn cheeks and    
staring eyes ,i had never conceived4 ,i 
involuntarily drew back1 feeling that it
 was almost wrong to look at anything so
 fallen and so wretched4 ,but ,amroth   
detained me4  ,he is not aware of us1 he
 said1 and ,i desire you to look at him4
  ,presently the man rose wearily to his
 feet1 and began to pace up and down    
round the walls1 with the mechanical    
movements of a caged animal1 avoiding   
the posts of the shelter without seeming

 to see them1 and then cast himself down
 again upon the stones in a paroxysm of 
melancholy4 ,he seemed to have no desire
 to escape1 no energy1 except to suffer4
 ,there was no hope about it all1 no    
suggestion of prayer1 nothing but blank 
and unadulterated suffering4  ,amroth   
drew me back into the tower1 and        
motioned me to the next balcony4 ,again 
,i went out4 ,the sight that ,i saw was 
almost more terrible than the first1    
because the prisoner here1 penned in a  
similar enclosure1 was more restless1   
and seemed to suffer more acutely4 ,this
 was a younger man1 who walked swiftly  
and vaguely about1 casting glances up at
 the wall which enclosed him4 ,sometimes
 he stopped1 and seemed to be pursuing  
some dreadful train of solitary thought2
 he gesticulated1 and even broke out    
into mutterings and cries--the cries    
that ,i had heard from without4 ,i could
 not bear to look at this sight1 and    
coming back1 besought ,amroth to lead me
 away4 ,amroth1 who was himself1 ,i     

perceived1 deeply moved1 and stood with 
lips compressed1 nodded in token of     
assent4 ,we went quickly down the       
stairway1 and took our way up the hill  
among the stones1 in silence4 ,the      
shapes of similar enclosures were to be 
seen everywhere1 and the indescribable  
blankness and grimness of the scene     
struck a chill to my heart4  ,from the  
top of the ridge we could see the same  
bare valleys stretching in all          
directions1 as far as the eye could see4
 ,the only other building in sight was a
 great circular tower of stone1 far down
 in the valley1 from which beat the     
pulse of some heavy machinery1 which    
gave the sense1 ,i do not know how1 of a
 ghastly and watchful life at the centre
 of all4  ,that is the ,tower of ,pain1 
said ,amroth1 and ,i will spare you the 
inner sight of that4 ,only our very     
bravest and strongest can enter there   
and preserve any hope4 ,but it is well  
for you to know it is there1 and that   
souls have to enter it4 ,it is thence   

that all the pain of countless worlds   
emanates and vibrates1 and the governor 
of the place is the most tried and      
bravest of all the servants of ,god4    
,thither we must go1 for you shall have 
sight of him1 though you shall not      
enter4  ,we went down the hill with all 
the speed we might1 and1 ,i will confess
 it1 with the darkest dismay ,i have    
ever experienced tugging at my heart4   
,we were soon at the foot of the        
enormous structure4 ,amroth knocked at  
the gate1 a low door1 adorned with some 
vague and ghastly sculptures1 things    
like worms and huddled forms drearily   
intertwined4 ,the door opened1 and      
revealed a fiery and smouldering light  
within4 ,high up in the tower a great   
wheel whizzed and shivered1 and moving  
shadows crossed and recrossed the       
firelit walls4  ,but the figure that    
came out to us--how shall ,i describe   
him8 ,it was the most beautiful and     
gracious sight of all that ,i saw in my 
pilgrimage4 ,he was a man of tall       

stature1 with snow-white1 silvery hair  
and beard1 dressed in a dark cloak with 
a gleaming clasp of gold4 ,but for all  
his age he had a look of immortal youth4
 ,his clear and piercing eye had a      
glance of infinite tenderness1 such as  
,i had never conceived4 ,there were many
 lines upon his brow and round his eyes1
 but his complexion was as fresh as that
 of a child1 and he stepped as briskly  
as a youth4 ,we bowed low to him1 and he
 reached out his hands1 taking ,amroth's
 hand and mine in each of his4 ,his     
touch had a curious thrill1 the hand    
that held mine being firm and smooth and
 wonderfully warm4  ,well1 my children1 
he said in a clear1 youthful voice1 ,i  
am glad to see you1 because there are   
few who come hither willingly2 and the  
old and weary are cheered by the sight  
of those that are young and strong4     
,amroth ,i know4 ,but who are you1 my   
child8 ,you have not been among us long4
 ,have you found your work and place    
here yet8 ,i told him my story in a few 

words1 and he smiled indulgently4 ,there
 is nothing like being at work1 he said4
 ,even my business here1 which seems sad
 enough to most people1 must be done2   
and ,i do it very willingly4 ,do not be 
frightened1 my child1 he said to me     
suddenly1 drawing me nearer to him1 and 
folding my arm beneath his own4 ,it is  
only on earth that we are frightened of 
pain2 it spoils our poor plans1 it makes
 us fretful and miserable1 it brings us 
into the shadow of death4 ,but for all  
that1 as ,amroth knows1 it is the best  
and most fruitful of all the works that 
the ,father does for man1 and the thing 
dearest to ,his heart4 ,we cannot       
prosper till we suffer1 and suffering   
leads us very swiftly into joy and      
peace4 ,indeed this ,tower of ,pain1 as 
it is called1 is in fact nothing but the
 ,tower of ,love4 ,not until love is    
touched with pain does it become        
beautiful1 and the joy that comes       
through pain is the only real thing in  
the world4 ,of course1 when my great    

engine here sends a thrill into a       
careless life1 it comes as a dark       
surprise2 but then follow courage and   
patience and wonder1 and all the dear   
tendance of ,love4 ,i have borne it all 
myself a hundred times1 and ,i shall    
bear it again if the ,father wills it4  
,but when you leave me here1 do not     
think of me as of one who works1 grim   
and indifferent1 wrecking lives and     
destroying homes4 ,it is but the burning
 of the weeds of life2 and it is as     
needful as the sunshine and the rain4   
,pain does not wander aimlessly1 smiting
 down by mischance and by accident2 it  
comes as the close and dear intention of
 the ,father's heart1 and is to a man as
 a trumpet-call from the land of life1  
not as a knell from the land of death4  
,and now1 dear children1 you must leave 
me1 for ,i have much to do4 ,and ,i will
 give you1 he added1 turning to me1 a   
gift which shall be your comfort1 and a 
token that you have been here1 and seen 
the worst and the best that there is to 

see4  ,he drew from under his cloak a   
ring1 a circlet of gold holding a red   
stone with a flaming heart1 and put it  
on my finger4 ,there pierced through me 
a pang intenser than any ,i had ever    
experienced1 in which all the love and  
sorrow ,i had ever known seemed to be   
suddenly mingled1 and which left behind 
it a perfect and intense sense of joy4  
,there1 that is my gift1 he said1 and   
you shall have an old man's loving      
blessing too1 for it is that1 after all1
 that ,i live for4 ,he drew me to him   
and kissed me on the brow1 and in a     
moment he was gone4  ,we walked away in 
silence1 and for my part with an elation
 of spirit which ,i could hardly        
control1 a desire to love and suffer1   
and do and be all that the mind of man  
could conceive4 ,but my heart was too   
full to speak4  ,come1 said ,amroth     
presently1 you are not as grateful as ,i
 had hoped--you are outgrowing me6 ,come
 down to my poor level for an instant1  
and beware of spiritual pride6 ,then    

altering his tone he said1 ,ah1 yes1    
dear friend1 ,i understand4 ,there is   
nothing in the world like it1 and you   
were most graciously and tenderly       
received--but the end is not yet4       
,amroth1 ,i said1 ,i am like one        
intoxicated with joy4 ,i feel that ,i   
could endure anything and never make    
question of anything again4 ,how        
infinitely good he was to me--like a    
dear father6  ,yes1 said ,amroth1 he is 
very like the ,father --and he smiled at
 me a mysterious smile4  ,amroth1 ,i    
said1 bewildered1 you cannot mean--8    
,no1 ,i mean nothing1 said ,amroth1 but 
you have to-day looked very far into the
 truth1 farther than is given to many so
 soon2 but you are a child of fortune1  
and seem to please every one4 ,i declare
 that a little more would make me       
jealous4  ,presently1 catching sight of 
one of the enclosures hard by1 ,i said  
to ,amroth1 ,but there are some         
questions ,i must ask4 ,what has just   
happened had put it mostly out of my    

head4 ,those poor suffering souls that  
we saw just now--it is well1 with them1 
,i am sure1 so near the ,master of the  
,tower--he does not forget them1 ,i am  
sure--but who are they1 and what have   
they done to suffer so8  ,i will tell   
you1 said ,amroth1 for it is a dark     
business4 ,those two that you have      
seen--well1 you will know one of them by
 name and fame1 and of the other you may
 have heard4 ,the first1 that old       
shaggy-haired man1 who lay upon the     
stones1 that was ----  ,he mentioned a  
name that was notorious in ,europe at   
the time of my life on earth1 though he 
was then long dead2 a ruthless and      
ambitious conqueror1 who poured a       
cataract of life away1 in wars1 for his 
own aggrandisement4 ,then he mentioned  
another name1 a statesman who pursued a 
policy of terrorism and oppression1     
enriched himself by barbarous cruelty   
exercised in colonial possessions1 and  
was famous for the calculated           
libertinism of his private life4  ,they 

were great sinners1 said ,amroth1 and   
the sorrows they made and flung so      
carelessly about them1 beat back upon   
them now in a surge of pain4 ,these men 
were strangely affected1 each of them1  
by the smallest sight or sound of       
suffering--a tortured animal1 a crying  
child2 and yet they were utterly        
ruthless of the pain that they did not  
see4 ,it was a lack1 no doubt1 of the   
imagination of which ,i spoke1 and which
 makes all the difference4 ,and now they
 have to contemplate the pain which they
 could not imagine2 and they have to    
learn submission and humility4 ,it is a 
terrible business in a way--the         
loneliness of it6 ,there used to be an  
old saying that the strongest man was   
the man that was most alone4 ,but it was
 just because these men practised       
loneliness on earth that they have to   
suffer so4 ,they used others as counters
 in a game1 they had neither friend nor 
beloved1 except for their own pleasure4 
,they depended upon no one1 needed no   

one1 desired no one4 ,but there are many
 others here who did the same on a small
 scale--selfish fathers and mothers who 
made homes miserable2 boys who were     
bullies at school and tyrants in the    
world1 in offices1 and places of        
authority4 ,this is the place of        
discipline for all base selfishness and 
vile authority1 for all who have        
oppressed and victimised mankind4  ,but1
 ,i said1 here is my difficulty4 ,i     
understand the case of the oppressors   
well enough2 but about the oppressed1   
what is the justice of that8 ,is there  
not a fortuitous element there1 an      
interruption of the ,divine plan8 ,take 
the case of the thousands of lives      
wasted by some brutal conqueror4 ,are   
souls sent into the world for that1 to  
be driven in gangs1 made to fight1 let  
us say1 for some abominable cause1 and  
then recklessly dismissed from life8    
,ah1 said ,amroth1 you make too much of 
the dignity of life6 ,you do not know   
how small a thing a single life is1 not 

as regards the life of mankind1 but in  
the life of one individual4 ,of course  
if a man had but one single life on     
earth1 it would be an intolerable       
injustice2 and that is the factor which 
sets all straight1 the factor which most
 of us1 in our time of bodily           
self-importance1 overlook4 ,these       
oppressors have no power over other     
lives except what ,god allows1 and      
bewildered humanity concedes4 ,not only 
is the great plan whole in the mind of  
,god1 but every single minutest life is 
considered as well4 ,in the very case   
you spoke of1 the little conscript1 torn
 from his home to fight a tyrant's      
battles1 hectored and ill-treated1 and  
then shot down upon some crowded        
battle-field1 that is precisely the     
discipline which at that point of time  
his soul needs1 and the blessedness of  
which he afterwards perceives2 sometimes
 discipline is swift and urgent1        
sometimes it is slow and lingering3 but 
all experience is exactly apportioned to

 the quality of which each soul is in   
need4 ,the only reason why there seems  
to be an element of chance in it1 is    
that the whole thing is so inconceivably
 vast and prolonged2 and our happiness  
and our progress alike depend upon our  
realising at every moment that the      
smallest joy and the most trifling      
pleasure1 as well as the tiniest ailment
 or the most subtle sorrow1 are just the
 pieces of experience which we are meant
 at that moment to use and make our own4
 ,no one1 not even ,god1 can force us to
 understand this2 we have to perceive it
 for ourselves1 and to live in the      
knowledge of it4  ,yes1 ,i said1 it is  
true1 all that4 ,my heart tells me so2  
but it is very wonderful and mysterious1
 all the same4 ,but1 ,amroth1 ,i have   
seen and heard enough4 ,my spirit       
desires with all its might to be at its 
own work1 hastening on the mighty end4  
,now1 ,i can hold no more of wonders4   
,let me return4  ,yes1 said ,amroth1 you
 are right6 ,these wonders are so       

familiar to me that ,i forget1 perhaps1 
the shock with which they come to minds 
unused to them4 ,yet there are other    
things which you must assuredly see1    
when the time comes2 but ,i must not let
 you bite off a larger piece than you   
can swallow4  ,he took me by the hand2  
the breeze passed through my hair2 and  
in an instant we were back at the       
fortress-gate1 and ,i entered the       
beloved shelter1 with a grateful sense  
that ,i was returning home4     ,,xxv   
,i returned1 as ,i said1 with a sense of
 serene pleasure and security to my     
work2 but that serenity did not last    
long4 ,what ,i had seen with ,amroth1 on
 that day of wandering1 filled me with a
 strange restlessness1 and a yearning   
for ,i knew not what4 ,i plunged into my
 studies with determination rather than 
ardour1 and ,i set myself to study what 
is the most difficult problem of        
all--the exact limits of individual     
responsibility4 ,i had many             
conversations on the point with one of  

my teachers1 a young man of very wide   
experience1 who combined in an unusual  
way a close scientific knowledge of the 
subject with a peculiar emotional       
sympathy4 ,he told me once that it was  
the best outfit for the scientific study
 of these problems1 when the heart      
anticipated the slower judgment of the  
mind1 and set the mind a goal1 so to    
speak1 to work up to2 though he warned  
me that the danger was that the mind was
 often reluctant to abandon the more    
indulgent claims of the heart2 and he   
advised me to mistrust alike scientific 
conclusions and emotional inferences4   
,i had a very memorable conversation    
with him on the particular question of  
responsibility1 which ,i will here give4
  ,the mistake1 ,i said to him1 of human
 moralists seems to me to be1 that they 
treat all men as more or less equal in  
the matter of moral responsibility4 ,how
 often1 ,i added1 have ,i heard a school
 preacher tell boys that they could not 
all be athletic or clever or popular1   

but that high principle and moral       
courage were things within the reach of 
all4 ,whereas the more that ,i studied  
human nature1 the more did the power of 
surveying and judging one's own moral   
progress1 and the power of enforcing and
 executing the dictates of the          
conscience1 seem to me faculties1 like  
other faculties4 ,indeed1 it appears to 
me1 ,i said1 that on the one hand there 
are people who have a power of moral    
discrimination1 when dealing with the   
retrospect of their actions1 but no     
power of obeying the claims of          
principle1 when confronted with a       
situation involving moral strain2 while 
on the other hand there seem to me to be
 some few men with a great and resolute 
power of will1 capable of swift decision
 and firm action1 but without any       
instinct for morality at all4  ,yes1 he 
said1 you are quite right4 ,the moral   
sense is in reality a high artistic     
sense4 ,it is a power of discerning and 
being attracted by the beauty of moral  

action1 just as the artist is attracted 
by form and colour1 and the musician by 
delicate combinations of harmonies and  
the exquisite balance of sound4 ,you    
know1 he said1 what a suspension is in  
music--it is a chord which in itself is 
a discord1 but which depends for its    
beauty on some impending resolution4 ,it
 is just so with moral choice4 ,the     
imagination plays a great part in it4   
,the man whose morality is high and     
profound sees instinctively the         
approaching contingency1 and his act of 
self-denial or self-forgetfulness       
depends for its force upon the way in   
which it will ultimately combine with   
other issues involved1 even though at   
the moment that act may seem to be      
unnecessary and even perverse4  ,but1 ,i
 said1 there are a good many people who 
attain to a sensible1 well-balanced kind
 of temperance1 after perhaps a few     
failures1 from a purely prudential      
motive4 ,what is the worth of that8     
,very small indeed1 said my teacher4 ,in

 fact1 the prudential morality1 based on
 motives of health and reputation and   
success1 is a thing that has often to be
 deliberately unlearnt at a later stage4
 ,the strange catastrophes which one    
sees so often in human life1 where a man
 by one act of rashness1 or moral folly1
 upsets the tranquil tenor of his       
life--a desperate love-affair1 a passion
 of unreasonable anger1 a piece of      
quixotic generosity--are often a symptom
 of a great effort of the soul to free  
itself from prudential considerations4  
,a good thing done for a low motive has 
often a singularly degrading and        
deforming influence on the soul4 ,one   
has to remember how terribly the        
heavenly values are obscured upon earth 
by the body1 its needs and its desires2 
and current morality of a cautious and  
sensible kind is often worse than       
worthless1 because it produces a kind of
 self-satisfaction1 which is the hardest
 thing to overcome4  ,but1 ,i said1 in  
the lives of some of the greatest       

moralists1 one so often sees1 or at all 
events hears it said1 that their        
morality is useless because it is       
unpractical1 too much out of the reach  
of the ordinary man1 too contemptuous of
 simple human faculties4 ,what is one to
 make of that8  ,it is a difficult      
matter1 he replied2 one does indeed1 in 
the lives of great moralists1 see       
sometimes that their work is vitiated by
 perverse and fantastic preferences1    
which they exalt out of all proportion  
to their real value4 ,but for all that1 
it is better to be on the side of the   
saints2 for they are gifted with the    
sort of instinctive appreciation of the 
beauty of high morality of which ,i     
spoke4 ,unselfishness1 purity1          
peacefulness seem to them so beautiful  
and desirable that they are constrained 
to practise them4 ,while controversy1   
bitterness1 cruelty1 meanness1 vice1    
seem so utterly ugly and repulsive that 
they cannot for an instant entertain    
even so much as a thought of them4  ,but

 if a man sees that he is wanting in    
this kind of perception1 ,i said1 what  
can he do8 ,how is he to learn to love  
what he does not admire and to abhor    
what he does not hate8 ,it all seems so 
fatalistic1 so irresistible4  ,if he    
discerns his lack1 said my teacher with 
a smile1 he is probably not so very far 
from the truth4 ,the germ of the sense  
of moral beauty is there1 and it only   
wants patience and endeavour to make it 
grow4 ,but it cannot be all done in any 
single life1 of course2 that is where   
the human faith fails1 in its           
limitations of a man's possibilities to 
a single life4  ,but what is the reason1
 ,i said1 why the morality1 the high    
austerity of some persons1 who are      
indubitably high-minded and             
pure-hearted1 is so utterly discouraging
 and even repellent8  ,ah1 he said1     
there you touch on a great truth4 ,the  
reason of that is that these have but a 
sterile sort of connoisseur-ship in     
virtue4 ,virtue cannot be attained in   

solitude1 nor can it be made a matter of
 private enjoyment4 ,the point is1 of   
course1 that it is not enough for a man 
to be himself2 he must also give        
himself2 and if a man is moral because  
of the delicate pleasure it brings      
him--and the artistic pleasure of       
asceticism is a very high one--he is apt
 to find himself here in very strange   
and distasteful company4 ,in this1 as in
 everything1 the only safe motive is the
 motive of love4 ,the man who takes     
pleasure in using influence1 or setting 
a lofty example1 is just as arid a      
dilettante as the musician who plays1 or
 the artist who paints1 for the sake of 
the applause and the admiration he wins2
 he is only regarding others as so many 
instruments for registering his own     
level of complacency4 ,every one1 even  
the least complicated of mankind1 must  
know the exquisite pleasure that comes  
from doing the simplest and humblest    
service to one whom he loves2 how such  
love converts the most menial office    

into a luxurious joy2 and the higher    
that a man goes1 the more does he       
discern in every single human being with
 whom he is brought into contact a soul 
whom he can love and serve4 ,of course  
it is but an elementary pleasure to     
enjoy pleasing those whom we regard with
 some passion of affection1 wife or     
child or friend1 because1 after all1 one
 gains something oneself by that4 ,but  
the purest morality of all discerns the 
infinitely lovable quality which is in  
the depth of every human soul1 and      
lavishes its tenderness and its grace   
upon it1 with a compassion that grows   
and increases1 the more unthankful and  
clumsy and brutish is the soul which it 
sets out to serve4  ,but1 ,i said1      
beautiful as that thought is--and ,i see
 and recognise its beauty--it does limit
 the individual responsibility very     
greatly4 ,surely a prudential morality1 
the morality which is just because it   
fears reprisal1 and is kind because it  
anticipates kindness1 is better than    

none at all8 ,the morality of which you 
speak can only belong to the noblest    
human creatures4  ,only to the noblest1 
he said2 and ,i must repeat what ,i said
 before1 that the prudential morality is
 useless1 because it begins at the wrong
 end1 and is set upon self throughout4  
,i must say deliberately that the soul  
which loves unreasonably and unwisely1  
which even yields itself to the passion 
of others for the pleasure it gives     
rather than for the pleasure it         
receives--the thriftless1 lavish1       
good-natured1 affectionate people1 who  
are said to make such a mess of their   
lives--are far higher in the scale of   
hope than the cautiously respectable1   
the prudently kind1 the selfishly pure4 
,there must be no mistake about this4   
,one must somehow or other give one's   
heart away1 and it is better to do it in
 error and disaster than to treasure it 
for oneself4 ,of course there are many  
lives on earth--and an increasing number
 as the world develops--which are       

generous and noble and unselfish1       
without any sacrifice of purity or      
self-respect4 ,but the essence of       
morality is giving1 and not receiving1  
or even practising2 the point is free   
choice1 and not compulsion2 and if one  
cannot give because one loves1 one must 
give until one loves4     ,,xxvi   ,but 
all my speculations were cut short by a 
strange event which happened about this 
time4 ,one day1 without any warning1 the
 thought of ,cynthia darted urgently and
 irresistibly into my mind4 ,her image  
came between me and all my tasks2 ,i saw
 her in innumerable positions and       
guises1 but always with her eyes bent on
 me in a pitiful entreaty4 ,after       
endeavouring to resist the thought for a
 little as some kind of fantasy1 ,i     
became suddenly convinced that she was  
in need of me1 and in urgent need4 ,i   
asked for an interview with our ,master1
 and told him the story2 he heard me    
gravely1 and then said that ,i might go 
in search of her2 but ,i was not sure   

that he was wholly pleased1 and he bent 
his eyes upon me with a very inquiring  
look4 ,i hesitated whether or not to    
call ,amroth to my aid1 but decided that
 ,i had better not do so at first4 ,the 
question was how to find her2 the great 
crags lay between me and the land of    
delight2 and when ,i hurried out of the 
college1 the thought of the descent and 
its dangers fairly unmanned me4 ,i knew1
 however1 of no other way4 ,but what was
 my surprise when1 on arriving at the   
top1 not far from the point where       
,amroth had greeted me after the ascent1
 ,i saw a little steep path1 which wound
 itself down into the gulleys and       
chimneys of the black rocks4 ,i took it 
without hesitation1 and though again and
 again it seemed to come to an end in   
front of me1 ,i found that it could be  
traced and followed without serious     
difficulty4 ,the descent was            
accomplished with a singular rapidity1  
and ,i marvelled to find myself at the  
crag-base in so brief a time1           

considering the intolerable tedium of   
the ascent4 ,i rapidly crossed the      
intervening valley1 and was very soon at
 the gate of the careless land4 ,to my  
intense joy1 and not at all to my       
surprise1 ,i found ,cynthia at the gate 
itself1 waiting for me with a look of   
expectancy4 ,she came forwards1 and     
threw herself passionately into my arms1
 murmuring words of delight and welcome1
 like a child4  ,i knew you would come1 
she said4 ,i am frightened--all sorts of
 dreadful things have happened4 ,i have 
found out where ,i am--and ,i seem to   
have lost all my friends4 ,charmides is 
gone1 and ,lucius is cruel to me--he    
tells me that ,i have lost my spirits   
and my good looks1 and am tiresome      
company4  ,i looked at her--she was     
paler and frailer-looking than when ,i  
left her2 and she was habited very      
differently1 in simpler and graver      
dress4 ,but she was to my eyes          
infinitely more beautiful and dearer1   
and ,i told her so4 ,she smiled at that1

 but half tearfully2 and we seated      
ourselves on a bench hard by1 looking   
over the garden1 which was strangely and
 luxuriantly beautiful4  ,you must take 
me away with you at once1 she said4 ,i  
cannot live here without you4 ,i thought
 at first1 when you went1 that it was   
rather a relief not to have your grave  
face at my shoulder1--here she took my  
face in her hands--always reminding me  
of something ,i did not want1 and ought 
to have wanted--but oh1 how ,i began to 
miss you6 and then ,i got so tired of   
this silly1 lazy place1 and all the     
music and jokes and compliments4 ,but ,i
 am a worthless creature1 and not good  
for anything4 ,i cannot work1 and ,i    
hate being idle4 ,take me anywhere1 make
 me do something1 beat me if you like1  
only force me to be different from what 
,i am4  ,very well1 ,i said4 ,i will    
give you a good beating presently1 of   
course1 but just let me consider what   
will hurt you most1 silly child6  ,that 
is it1 she said4 ,i want to be hurt and 

bruised1 and shaken as my nurse used to 
shake me1 when ,i was a naughty child4  
,oh dear1 oh dear1 how wretched ,i am6  
and poor ,cynthia laid her head on my   
shoulder and burst into tears4  ,come1  
come1 ,i said1 you must not do that--,i 
want my wits about me2 but if you cry1  
you will simply make a fool of me--and  
this is no time for love-making4  ,then 
you do really care1 said ,cynthia in a  
quieter tone4 ,that is all ,i want to   
know6 ,i want to be with you1 and see   
you every hour and every minute4 ,i     
can't help saying it1 though it is      
really very undignified for me to be    
making love to you4 ,i did many silly   
things on earth1 but never anything     
quite so feeble as that6  ,i felt myself
 fairly bewildered by the situation4 ,my
 psychology did not seem to help me2 and
 here at least was something to love and
 rescue4 ,i will say frankly that1 in my
 stupidity and superiority1 ,i did not  
really think of loving ,cynthia in the  
way in which she needed to be loved4    

,she was to me1 with all my grave       
concerns and problems1 as a charming and
 intelligent child1 with whom ,i could  
not even speak of half the thoughts     
which absorbed me4 ,so ,i just held her 
in my arms1 and comforted her as best ,i
 could2 but what to do and where to     
bestow her ,i could not tell4 ,i saw    
that her time to leave the place of     
desire had come1 but what she could turn
 to ,i could not conceive4  ,suddenly ,i
 looked up1 and saw ,lucius approaching1
 evidently in a very angry mood4  ,so   
this is the end of all our amusement8 he
 said1 as he came near4 ,you bring      
,cynthia here in your tiresome1         
condescending way1 you live among us    
like an almighty prig1 smiling gravely  
at our fun1 and then you go off when it 
is convenient to yourself2 and then1    
when you want a little recreation1 you  
come and sit here in a corner and hug   
your darling1 when you have never given 
her a thought of late4 ,you know that is
 true1 he added menacingly4  ,yes1 ,i   

said1 it is true6 ,i went of my own     
will1 and ,i have come back of my own   
will2 and you have all been out of my   
thoughts1 because ,i have had much work 
to do4 ,but what of that8 ,cynthia wants
 me and ,i have come back to her1 and ,i
 will do whatever she desires4 ,it is no
 good threatening me1 ,lucius--there is 
nothing you can do or say that will have
 the smallest effect on me4  ,we will   
see about that1 said ,lucius4 ,none of  
your airs here6 ,we are peaceful enough 
when we are respectfully and fairly     
treated1 but we have our own laws1 and  
no one shall break them with impunity4  
,we will have no half-hearted fools     
here4 ,if you come among us with your   
damned missionary airs1 you shall have  
what ,i expect you call the crown of    
martyrdom4  ,he whistled loud and       
shrill4 ,half-a-dozen men sprang from   
the bushes and flung themselves upon me4
 ,i struggled1 but was overpowered1 and 
dragged away4 ,the last sight ,i had was
 of ,lucius standing with a disdainful  

smile1 with ,cynthia clinging to his    
arm2 and to my horror and disgust she   
was smiling too4     ,,xxvii   ,i had   
somehow never expected to be used with  
positive violence in the world of       
spirits1 and least of all in that lazy  
and good-natured place4 ,considering1   
too1 the errand on which ,i had come1   
not for my own convenience but for the  
sake of another1 my treatment seemed to 
me very hard4 ,what was still more      
humiliating was the fact that my spirit 
seemed just as powerless in the hands of
 these ruffians as my body would have   
been on earth4 ,i was pushed1 hustled1  
insulted1 hurt4 ,i could have summoned  
,amroth to my aid1 but ,i felt too proud
 for that2 yet the thought of the       
cragmen1 and the possibility of the     
second death1 did visit my mind with    
dismal iteration4 ,i did not at all     
desire a further death2 ,i felt very    
much alive1 and full of interest and    
energy4 ,worst of all was my sense that 
,cynthia had gone over to the enemy4 ,i 

had been so loftily kind with her1 that 
,i much resented having appeared in her 
sight as feeble and ridiculous4 ,it is  
difficult to preserve any dignity of    
demeanour or thought1 with a man's hand 
at one's neck and his knee in one's     
back3 and ,i felt that ,lucius had      
displayed a really ,satanical malignity 
in using this particular means of       
degrading me in ,cynthia's sight1 and of
 regaining his own lost influence4  ,i  
was thrust and driven before my captors 
along an alley in the garden1 and what  
added to my discomfiture was that a good
 many people ran together to see us     
pass1 and watched me with decided       
amusement4 ,i was taken finally to a    
little pavilion of stone1 with heavily  
barred windows1 and a flagged marble    
floor4 ,the room was absolutely bare1   
and contained neither seat nor table4   
,into this ,i was thrust1 with some     
obscene jesting1 and the door was locked
 upon me4  ,the time passed very        
heavily4 ,at intervals ,i heard music   

burst out among the alleys1 and a good  
many people came to peep in upon me with
 an amused curiosity4 ,i was entirely   
bewildered by my position1 and did not  
see what ,i could have done to have     
incurred my punishment4 ,but in the     
solitary hours that followed ,i began to
 have a suspicion of my fault4 ,i had   
found myself hitherto the object of so  
much attention and praise1 that ,i had  
developed a strong sense of complacency 
and self-satisfaction4 ,i had an        
uncomfortable suspicion that there was  
even more behind1 but ,i could not1 by  
interrogating my mind and searching out 
my spirits1 make out clearly what it    
was2 yet ,i felt ,i was having a sharp  
lesson2 and this made me resolve that ,i
 would ask for no kind of assistance    
from ,amroth or any other power1 but    
that ,i would try to meet whatever fell 
upon me with patience1 and extract the  
full savour of my experience4  ,i do not
 know how long ,i spent in the dismal   
cell4 ,i was in some discomfort from the

 handling ,i had received1 and in still 
greater dejection of mind4 ,suddenly ,i 
heard footsteps approaching4 ,three of  
my captors appeared1 and told me roughly
 to go with them4 ,so1 a pitiable       
figure1 ,i limped along between two of  
them1 the third following behind1 and   
was conducted through the central piazza
 of the place1 between two lines of     
people who gave way to the most         
undisguised merriment1 and even shouted 
opprobrious remarks at me1 calling me   
spy and traitor and other unpleasant    
names4 ,i could not have believed that  
these kind-mannered and courteous       
persons could have exhibited1 all of a  
sudden1 such frank brutality1 and ,i saw
 many of my own acquaintance among them1
 who regarded me with obvious derision4 
,i was taken into a big hall1 in which  
,i had often sat to hear a concert of   
music4 ,on the dais at the upper end    
were seated a number of dignified       
persons1 in a semicircle1 with a very   
handsome and stately old man in the     

centre on a chair of state1 whose face  
was new to me4 ,before this ,court ,i   
was formally arraigned2 ,i had to stand 
alone in the middle of the floor1 in an 
open space4 ,two of my captors stood on 
each side of me2 while the rest of the  
court was densely packed with people1   
who greeted me with obvious hostility4  
,when silence was procured1 the         
,president said to me1 with a show of   
great courtesy1 that he could not       
disguise from himself that the charge   
against me was a serious one2 but that  
justice would be done to me1 fully and  
carefully4 ,i should have ample         
opportunity to excuse myself4 ,he then  
called upon one of those who sat with   
him to state the case briefly1 and call 
witnesses and after that he promised ,i 
might speak for myself4  ,a man rose    
from one of the seats1 and1 pleading    
somewhat rhetorically1 said that the    
object of the great community1 to which 
so many were proud to belong1 was to    
secure to all the utmost amount of      

innocent enjoyment1 and the most entire 
peace of mind2 that no pressure was put 
upon any one who decided to stay there1 
and to observe the quiet customs of the 
place2 but that it was always considered
 a heinous and ill-disposed thing to    
attempt to unsettle any one's           
convictions1 or to attempt1 by using    
undue influence1 to bring about the     
migration of any citizen to conditions  
of which little was known1 but which    
there was reason to believe were        
distinctly undesirable4  ,we are1 above 
all1 he said1 a religious community2 our
 rites and our ceremonies are privileges
 open to all2 we compel no one to attend
 them2 all that we insist is that no    
one1 by restless innovation or cynical  
contempt1 should attempt to disturb the 
emotions of serene contemplation1       
distinguished courtesy1 and artistic    
feeling1 for which our society has been 
so long and justly celebrated4  ,this   
was received with loud applause1        
indulgently checked by the ,president4  

,some witnesses were then called1 who   
testified to the indifference and       
restlessness which ,i had on many       
occasions manifested4 ,it was brought up
 against me that ,i had provoked a      
much-respected member of the community1 
,charmides1 to utter some very          
treasonous and unpleasant language1 and 
that it was believed that the rash and  
unhappy step1 which he had lately taken1
 of leaving the place1 had been entirely
 or mainly the result of my discontented
 and ill-advised suggestion4  ,then     
,lucius himself1 wearing an air of      
extreme gravity and even despondency1   
was called1 and a murmur of sympathy ran
 through the audience4 ,lucius1         
apparently struggling with deep emotion1
 said that he bore me no actual         
ill-will2 that on my first arrival he   
had done his best to welcome me and make
 me feel at home2 that it was probably  
known to all that ,i had been           
accompanied by an accomplished and      
justly popular lady1 whom ,i had openly 

treated with scanty civility and        
undisguised contempt4 ,that he had      
himself1 under the laws of the place1   
contracted a close alliance with my     
unhappy protge1 and that their union had
 been duly accredited2 but that ,i had  
lost no opportunity of attempting to    
undermine his happiness1 and to maintain
 an unwholesome influence over her4     
,that ,i had at last left the place     
myself1 with a most uncivil abruptness2 
during the interval of absence my       
occupations were believed to have been  
of the most dubious character3 it was   
more than suspected1 indeed1 that ,i had
 penetrated to places1 the very name of 
which could hardly be mentioned without 
shame and consternation4 ,that my       
associates had been persons of the      
vilest character and the most brutal    
antecedents2 and at last1 feeling in    
need of distraction1 ,i had again       
returned with the deliberate intention  
of seducing his unhappy partner into    
accompanying me to one or other of the  

abandoned places ,i had visited4 ,he    
added that ,cynthia had been so much    
overcome by her emotion1 and her natural
 compassion for an old acquaintance1    
that he had persuaded her not to subject
 herself to the painful strain of an    
appearance in public2 but that for this 
action he threw himself upon the mercy  
of the ,court1 who would know that it   
was only dictated by chivalrous motives4
  ,at this there was subdued applause1  
and ,lucius1 after adding a few broken  
words to the effect that he lived only  
for the maintenance of order1 peace1 and
 happiness1 and that he was devoted     
heart and soul to the best interests of 
the community1 completely broke down1   
and was assisted from his place by      
friends4  ,the whole thing was so       
malignant and ingenious a travesty of   
what had happened1 that ,i was entirely 
at a loss to know what to say4 ,the     
,president1 however1 courteously        
intimated that though the case appeared 
to present a good many very             

unsatisfactory features1 yet ,i was     
entirely at liberty to justify myself if
 ,i could1 and1 if not1 to make         
submission2 and added that ,i should be 
dealt with as leniently as possible4  ,i
 summoned up my courage as well as ,i   
might4 ,i began by saying that ,i       
claimed no more than the liberty of     
thought and action which ,i knew the    
,court desired to concede4 ,i said that 
my arrival at the place was mysterious  
even to myself1 and that ,i had simply  
acted under orders in accompanying      
,cynthia1 and in seeing that she was    
securely bestowed4 ,i said that ,i had  
never incited any rebellion1 or any     
disobedience to laws of the scope of    
which ,i had never been informed4 ,that 
,i had indeed frankly discussed matters 
of general interest with any citizen who
 seemed to desire it2 that ,i had been  
always treated with marked consideration
 and courtesy2 and that1 as far as ,i   
was aware1 ,i had always followed the   
same policy myself4 ,i said that ,i was 

sincerely attached to ,cynthia1 but     
added that1 with all due respect1 ,i    
could no longer consider myself a member
 of the community4 ,i had transferred   
myself elsewhere under direct orders1   
with my own entire concurrence1 and that
 ,i had since acted in accordance with  
the customs and regulations of the      
community to which ,i had been allotted4
 ,i went on to say that ,i had returned 
under the impression that my presence   
was desired by ,cynthia1 and that ,i    
must protest with all my power against  
the treatment ,i had received4 ,i had   
been arrested and imprisoned with much  
violence and contumely1 without having  
had any opportunity of hearing what my  
offence was supposed to have been1 or   
having had any semblance of a trial1 and
 that ,i could not consider that my     
usage had been consistent with the      
theory of courtesy1 order1 or justice so
 eloquently described by the ,president4
  ,this onslaught of mine produced an   
obvious revulsion in my favour4 ,the    

,president conferred hastily with his   
colleagues1 and then said that my arrest
 had indeed been made upon the          
information of ,lucius1 and with the    
cognisance of the ,court2 but that he   
sincerely regretted that ,i had any     
complaint of unhandsome usage to make1  
and that the matter would be certainly  
inquired into4 ,he then added that he   
understood from my words that ,i desired
 to make a complete submission1 and that
 in that case ,i should be acquitted of 
any evil intentions4 ,my fault appeared 
to be that ,i had yielded too easily to 
the promptings of an ill-balanced and   
speculative disposition1 and that if ,i 
would undertake to disturb no longer the
 peace of the place1 and to desist from 
all further tampering with the domestic 
happiness of a much-respected pair1 ,i  
should be discharged with a caution1 and
 indeed be admitted again to the        
privileges of orderly residence4  ,and  
,i will undertake to say1 he added1 that
 the kindness and courtesy of our       

community will overlook your fault1 and 
make no further reference to a course of
 conduct which appears to have been     
misguided rather than deliberately      
malevolent4 ,we have every desire not to
 disturb in any way the tranquillity    
which it is1 above all things1 our      
desire to maintain4 ,may ,i conclude1   
then1 that this is your intention8  ,no1
 sir1 ,i said1 certainly not6 ,with all 
due respect to the ,court1 ,i cannot    
submit to the jurisdiction4 ,the only   
privilege ,i claim is the privilege of  
an alien and a stranger1 who in a       
perfectly peaceful manner1 and with no  
seditious intent1 has re-entered this   
land1 and has thereupon been treated    
with gross and unjust violence4 ,i do   
not for a moment contest the right of   
this community to make its own laws and 
regulations1 but ,i do contest its right
 to fetter the thought and the liberty  
of speech of all who enter it4 ,i make  
no submission4 ,the ,lady ,cynthia came 
here under my protection1 and if any    

undue influence has been used1 it has   
been used by ,lucius1 whom ,i treated   
with a confidence he has abused4 ,and ,i
 here appeal to a higher power and a    
higher court1 which may indeed permit   
this unhappy community to make its own  
regulations1 but will not permit any    
gross violation of elementary justice4  
,i was carried away by great indignation
 in the course of my words1 which had a 
very startling effect4 ,a large number  
of the audience left the hall in haste4 
,the judge grew white to the lips1      
whether with anger or fear ,i did not   
know1 said a few words to his neighbour1
 and then with a great effort to control
 himself1 said to me3  ,you put us1 sir1
 by your words1 in a very painful       
position4 ,you do not know the          
conditions under which we live--that is 
evident--and intemperate language like  
yours has before now provoked an        
invasion of our peace of a most         
undesirable kind4 ,i entreat you to calm
 yourself1 to accept the apologies of   

the ,court for the incidental and indeed
 unjustifiable violence with which you  
were treated4 ,if you will only return  
to your own community1 the nature of    
which ,i will not now stay to inquire1  
you may be assured that you will be     
conducted to our gates with the utmost  
honour4 ,will you pledge yourself as a  
gentleman1 and1 as ,i believe ,i am     
right in saying1 as a ,christian1 to do 
this8  ,yes1 ,i said1 upon one          
condition3 that ,i may have an interview
 with the ,lady ,cynthia1 and that she  
may be free to accompany me1 if she     
wishes4  ,the ,president was about to   
reply1 when a sudden and unlooked-for   
interruption occurred4 ,a man in a      
pearly-grey dress1 with a cloak clasped 
with gold1 came in at the end of the    
hall1 and advanced with rapid steps and 
a curiously unconcerned air up the hall4
 ,the judges rose in their places with a
 hurried and disconcerted look4 ,the    
stranger came up to me1 tapped me on the
 shoulder1 and bade me presently follow 

him4 ,then he turned to the ,president1 
and said in a clear1 peremptory voice3  
,dissolve the ,court6 ,your powers have 
been grossly and insolently exceeded4   
,see that nothing of this sort occurs   
again6 and then1 ascending the dais1 he 
struck the ,president with his open hand
 hard upon the cheek4  ,the ,president  
gave a stifled cry and staggered in his 
place1 and then1 covering his face with 
his hands1 went out at a door on the    
platform1 followed by the rest of the   
,council in haste4 ,then the man came   
down again1 and motioned me to follow   
him4 ,i was not prepared for what       
happened4 ,outside in the square was a  
great1 pale1 silent crowd1 in the most  
obvious and dreadful excitement and     
consternation4 ,we went rapidly1 in     
absolute stillness1 through two lines of
 people1 who watched us with an emotion 
,i could not quite interpret1 but it was
 something very like hatred4  ,follow me
 quickly1 said my guide2 do not look    
round6 and1 as we went1 ,i heard the    

crowd closing up in a menacing way      
behind us4 ,but we walked straight      
forward1 neither slowly nor hurriedly   
but at a deliberate pace1 to the gateway
 which opened on the cliffs4 ,at this   
point ,i saw a confusion in the crowd1  
as though some one were being kept back1
 and in the forefront of the throng1    
gesticulating and arguing1 was ,lucius  
himself1 with his back to us4 ,just as  
we reached the gate ,i heard a cry2 and 
from the crowd there ran ,cynthia1 with 
her hair unbound1 in terror and         
faintness4 ,our guide opened the gate1  
and motioned us swiftly through1 turning
 round to face the crowd1 which now ran 
in upon us4 ,i saw him wave his arm2 and
 then he came quickly through the gate  
and closed it4 ,he looked at us with a  
smile4 ,don't be afraid1 he said2 that  
was a dangerous business4 ,but they     
cannot touch us here4 ,as he said the   
word1 there burst from the gardens      
behind us a storm of the most hideous   
and horrible cries ,i had ever heard1   

like the howling of wild beasts4        
,cynthia clung to me in terror1 and     
nearly swooned in my arms4 ,never mind1 
said the guide2 they are disappointed1  
and no wonder4 ,it was a near thing2    
but1 poor creatures1 they have no       
initiative2 their life is not a         
fortifying one2 and besides1 they will  
have forgotten all about it to-morrow4  
,rut we had better not stop here4 ,there
 is no use in facing disagreeable       
things1 unless one is obliged4 ,and he  
led the way down the valley4  ,when we  
had got a little farther off1 our guide 
told us to sit down and rest4 ,cynthia  
was still very much frightened1         
speechless with excitement and          
agitation1 and1 like all impulsive      
people1 regretting her decision4 ,i saw 
that it was useless to say anything to  
her at present4 ,she sat wearily enough1
 her eyes closed1 and her hands clasped4
 ,our guide looked at me with a         
half-smile1 and said3  ,that was rather 
an unpleasant business6 ,it is          

astonishing how excited those placid and
 polite people can get if they think    
their privileges are being threatened4  
,but really that ,court was rather too  
much4 ,they have tried it before with   
some success1 and it is a clever trick4 
,but they have had a lesson to-day1 and 
it will not need to be repeated for a   
while4  ,you arrived just at the right  
moment1 ,i said1 and ,i really cannot   
express how grateful ,i am to you for   
your help4  ,oh1 he said1 you were quite
 safe4 ,it was just that touch of temper
 that saved you2 but ,i was hard by all 
the time1 to see that things did not go 
too far4  ,may ,i ask1 ,i said1 exactly 
what they could have done to me1 and    
what their real power is8  ,they have   
none at all1 he said4 ,they could not   
really have done anything to you1 except
 imprison you4 ,what helps them is not  
their own power1 which is nothing1 but  
the terror of their victims4 ,if you had
 not been frightened when you were first
 attacked1 they could not have          

overpowered you4 ,it is all a kind of   
playacting1 which they perform with     
remarkable skill4 ,the ,court was really
 an admirable piece of drama--they have 
a great gift for representation4  ,do   
you mean to say1 ,i said1 that they were
 actually aware that they had no sort of
 power to inflict any injury upon me8   
,they could have made it very           
disagreeable for you1 he said1 if they  
had frightened you1 and kept you        
frightened4 ,as long as that lasted1 you
 would have been extremely              
uncomfortable4 ,but as you saw1 the     
moment you defied them they were        
helpless4 ,the part played by ,lucius   
was really unpardonable4 ,i am afraid he
 is a great rascal4  ,cynthia faintly   
demurred to this4 ,never mind1 said the 
guide soothingly1 he has only shown you 
his good side1 of course2 and ,i don't  
deny that he is a very clever and       
attractive fellow4 ,but he makes no     
progress1 and ,i am really afraid that  
he will have to be transferred          

elsewhere2 though there is indeed one   
hope for him4  ,tell me what that is1   
said ,cynthia faintly4  ,i don't think  
,i need do that1 said our friend1 you   
know better than ,i2 and some day1 ,i   
think1 when you are stronger1 you will  
find the way to release him4  ,ah1 you  
don't know him as ,i do1 said ,cynthia1 
and relapsed into silence2 but did not  
withdraw her hand from mine4  ,well1    
said our guide after a moment's pause1  
,i think ,i have done all ,i can for the
 time being1 and ,i am wanted elsewhere4
  ,but will you not advise me what to do
 next8 ,i said4 ,i do not see my way    
clear4  ,no1 said the guide rather      
drily1 ,i am afraid ,i cannot do that4  
,that lies outside my province4 ,these  
delicate questions are not in my line4  
,i will tell you plainly what ,i am4 ,i 
am just a messenger1 perhaps more like a
 policeman1 he added1 smiling1 than     
anything else4 ,i just go and appear    
when ,i am wanted1 if there is a row or 
a chance of one4 ,don't misunderstand   

me6 he said more kindly4 ,it is not from
 any lack of interest in you or our     
friend here4 ,i should very much like to
 know what step you will take1 but it is
 simply not my business3 our duties here
 are very clearly defined1 and ,i can   
just do my job1 and nothing more4  ,he  
made a courteous salute1 and walked off 
without looking back1 leaving on me the 
impression of a young military officer1 
perfectly courteous and reliable1 not   
inclined to cultivate his emotions or to
 waste words1 but absolutely effective1 
courageous1 and dutiful4  ,well1 ,i said
 to ,cynthia with a show of             
cheerfulness1 what shall we do next8    
,are you feeling strong enough to go on8
  ,i am sure ,i don't know1 said        
,cynthia wearily4 ,don't ask me4 ,i have
 had a great fright1 and ,i begin to    
wish ,i had stayed behind4 ,how         
uncomfortable everything is6 ,why can   
one never have a moment's peace8 ,there1
 she said to me1 don't be vexed1 ,i am  
not blaming you2 but ,i hated you for   

not showing more fight when those men   
set on you1 and ,i hated ,lucius for    
having done it2 you must forgive me6 ,i 
am sure you only did what was kind and  
right--but ,i have had a very trying    
time1 and ,i don't like these bothers4  
,let me alone for a little1 and ,i      
daresay ,i shall be more sensible4  ,i  
sat by her in much perplexity1 feeling  
singularly helpless and ineffective2 and
 in a moment of weakness1 not knowing   
what to do1 ,i wished that ,amroth were 
near me1 to advise me2 and to my relief 
saw him approaching1 but also realised  
in a flash that ,i had acted wrongly1   
and that he was angry1 as ,i had never  
seen him before4  ,he came up to us1 and
 bending down to ,cynthia with great    
tenderness1 took her hand1 and said1    
,will you stay here quietly a little1   
,cynthia1 and rest8 ,you are perfectly  
safe now1 and no one will come near you4
 ,we two shall be close at hand2 but we 
must have a talk together1 and see what 
can be done4  ,cynthia smiled and       

released me4 ,amroth beckoned me to     
withdraw with him4 ,when we had got out 
of earshot1 he turned upon me very      
fiercely1 and said1 ,you have made a    
great mess of this business4  ,i know   
it1 ,i said feebly1 but ,i cannot for   
the life of me see where ,i was wrong4  
,you were wrong from beginning to end1  
he said4 ,cannot you see that1 whatever 
this place is1 it is not a sentimental  
place8 ,it is all this wretched         
sentiment that has done the mischief4   
,come1 he added1 ,i have an unpleasant  
task before me1 to unmask you to        
yourself4 ,i don't like it1 but ,i must 
do it4 ,don't make it harder for me4    
,very good1 ,i said1 rather angrily too4
 ,but allow me to say this first4 ,this 
is a place of muddle4 ,one is worked too
 hard1 and shown too many things1 till  
one is hopelessly confused4 ,but ,i had 
rather have your criticism first1 and   
then ,i will make mine4  ,very well6    
said ,amroth facing me1 looking at me   
fixedly with his blue eyes1 and his     

nostrils a little distended4 ,the       
mischief lies in your temperament4 ,you 
are precocious1 and you are volatile4   
,you have had special opportunities1 and
 in a way you have used them well1 but  
your head has been somewhat turned by   
your successes4 ,you came to that place 
yonder1 with ,cynthia1 with a sense of  
superiority4 ,you thought yourself too  
good for it1 and instead of just trying 
to see into the minds and hearts of the 
people you met1 you despised them2      
instead of learning1 you tried to teach4
 ,you took a feeble interest in         
,cynthia1 made a pet of her2 then1 when 
,i took you away1 you forgot all about  
her4 ,even the great things ,i was      
allowed to show you did not make you    
humble4 ,you took them as a compliment  
to your powers4 ,and so when you had    
your chance to go back to help ,cynthia1
 you thought out no plan1 you asked no  
advice4 ,you went down in a very        
self-sufficient mood1 expecting that    
everything would be easy4  ,that is not 

true1 ,i said4 ,i was very much         
perplexed4  ,it is only too true1 said  
,amroth2 you enjoyed your perplexity2 ,i
 daresay you called it faith to         
yourself6 ,it was that which made you   
weak4 ,you lost your temper with        
,lucius1 you made a miserable fight of  
it--and even in prison you could not    
recognise that you were in fault4 ,you  
did better at the trial--,i fully admit 
that you behaved well there--but the    
fault is in this1 that this girl gave   
you her heart and her confidence1 and   
you despised them4 ,your mind was taken 
up with other things2 a very little     
more1 and you would be fit for the      
intellectual paradise4 ,there1 he said1 
,i have nearly done6 ,you may be angry  
if you will1 but that is the truth4 ,you
 have a wrong idea of this place4 ,it is
 not plain sailing here4 ,life here is a
 very serious1 very intricate1 very     
difficult business4 ,the only           
complications which are removed are the 
complications of the body2 but one has  

anxious and trying responsibilities all 
the same1 and you have trifled with     
them4 ,you must not delude yourself4    
,you have many good qualities4 ,you have
 some courage1 much ingenuity1 keen     
interests1 and a good deal of           
conscientiousness2 but you have the     
makings of a dilettante1 the readiness  
to delude yourself that the particular  
little work you are engaged in is       
excessively and peculiarly important4   
,you have got the proportion all wrong4 
,i had a feeling of intense anger and   
bitterness at all this2 but as he spoke1
 the scales seemed to fall from my eyes1
 and ,i saw that ,amroth was right4 ,i  
wrestled with myself in silence4        
,presently ,i said1 ,amroth1 ,i believe 
you are right1 though ,i think at this  
moment that you have stated all this    
rather harshly4 ,but ,i do see that it  
can be no pleasure to you to state it1  
though ,i fear ,i shall never regain my 
pleasure in your company4  ,there1 said 
,amroth1 that is sentiment again6  ,this

 put me into a great passion4  ,very    
well1 ,i said1 ,i will say no more4     
,perhaps you will just be good enough to
 tell me what ,i am to do with ,cynthia1
 and where ,i am to go1 and then ,i will
 trouble you no longer4  ,oh1 said      
,amroth with a sneer1 ,i have no doubt  
you can find some very nice semidetached
 villas hereabouts4 ,why not settle     
down1 and make the poor girl a little   
mote worthy of yourself8  ,at this ,i   
turned from him in great anger1 and left
 him standing where he was4 ,if ever ,i 
hated any one1 ,i hated ,amroth at that 
moment4 ,i went back to ,cynthia4  ,i   
have come back to you1 dear1 ,i said4   
,can you trust me and go with me8 ,no   
one here seems inclined to help us1 and 
we must just help each other4  ,at which
 ,cynthia rose and flung herself into my
 arms4  ,that was what ,i wanted all    
along1 she said1 to feel that ,i could  
be of use too4 ,you will see how brave  
,i can be4 ,i can go anywhere with you  
and do anything1 because ,i think ,i    

have loved you all the time4  ,and you  
must forgive me1 ,cynthia1 ,i said1 as  
well4 ,for ,i did not know till this    
moment that ,i loved you1 but ,i know it
 now2 and ,i shall love you to the end4 
,as ,i said these words ,i turned1 and  
saw ,amroth smiling from afar2 then with
 a wave of the hand to us1 he turned and
 passed out of our sight4     ,,xxviii  
,left to ourselves1 ,cynthia and ,i sat 
awhile in silence1 hand in hand1 like   
children1 she looking anxiously at me4  
,our talk had broken down all possible  
reserve between us2 but what was strange
 to me was that ,i felt1 not like a     
lover with any need to woo1 but as      
though we two had long since been       
wedded1 and had just come to a knowledge
 of each other's hearts4 ,at last we    
rose2 and strange and bewildering as it 
all was1 ,i think ,i was perhaps happier
 at this time than at any other time in 
the land of light1 before or after4     
,and let me here say a word about these 
strange unions of soul that take place  

in that other land4 ,there is there a   
whole range of affections1 from         
courteous tolerance to intense passion4 
,but there is a peculiar bond which     
springs up between pairs of people1 not 
always of different sex1 in that        
country4 ,my relation with ,amroth had  
nothing of that emotion about it4 ,that 
was simply like a transcendental essence
 of perfect friendship2 but there was a 
peculiar relation1 between pairs of     
souls1 which seems to imply some curious
 duality of nature1 of which earthly    
passion is but a symbol4 ,it is         
accompanied by an absolute clearness of 
vision into the inmost soul and being of
 the other4 ,cynthia's mind was as clear
 to me in those days as a crystal globe 
might be which one could hold in one's  
hand1 and my mind was as clear to her4  
,there is a sense accompanying it almost
 of identity1 as if the other nature was
 the exact and perfect complement of    
one's own2 ,i can explain this best by  
an image4 ,think of a sphere1 let us    

say1 of alabaster1 broken into two      
pieces by a blow1 and one piece put away
 or mislaid4 ,the first piece1 let us   
suppose1 stands in its accustomed place1
 and the owner often thinks in a trivial
 way of having it restored4 ,one day1   
turning over some lumber1 he finds the  
other piece1 and wonders if it is not   
the lost fragment4 ,he takes it with    
him1 and sees on applying it that the   
fractures correspond exactly1 and that  
joined together the pieces complete the 
sphere4  ,even so did ,cynthia's soul   
fit into mine4 ,but ,i grew to          
understand later the words of the       
,gospel--they neither marry nor are     
given in marriage4 ,these unions are not
 permanent1 any more than they are      
really permanent on earth4 ,on earth1   
owing to material considerations such as
 children and property1 a marriage is   
looked upon as indissoluble4 ,but this  
takes no account of the development of  
souls2 and indeed many of the unions of 
earth1 the passion once over1 do grow   

into a very noble and beautiful         
friendship4 ,but sometimes1 even on     
earth1 it is the other way2 and passion 
once extinct1 two natures often realise 
their dissimilarities rather than their 
similarities2 and this is the cause of  
much unhappiness4 ,but in the other     
land1 two souls may develop in quite    
different ways and at a different pace4 
,and then this relation may also come   
quietly and simply to an end1 without   
the least resentment or regret1 and is  
succeeded invariably by a very tender   
and true friendship1 each being sweetly 
and serenely content with all that has  
been given or received2 and this        
friendship is not shaken or fretted1    
even if both of the lovers form new ties
 of close intimacy4 ,some natures form  
many of these ties1 some few1 some none 
at all4 ,i believe that1 as a matter of 
fact1 each nature has its counterpart at
 all times1 but does not always succeed 
in finding it4 ,but the union1 when it  
comes1 seems to take precedence of all  

other emotions and all other work4 ,i   
did not know this at the time2 but ,i   
had a sense that my work was for a time 
over1 because it seemed quite plain to  
me that as yet ,cynthia was not in the  
least degree suited to the sort of work 
which ,i had been doing4  ,we walked on 
together for some time1 in a happy      
silence1 though quiet communications of 
a blessed sort passed perpetually       
between us without any interchange of   
word4 ,our feet moved along the         
hillside1 away from the crags1 because  
,i felt that ,cynthia had no strength to
 climb them2 and ,i wondered what our   
life would be4  ,presently a valley     
opened before us1 folding quietly in    
among the hills1 full of a golden haze2 
and it seemed to me that our further way
 lay down it4 ,it fell softly and       
securely into a further plain1 the      
country being quite unlike anything ,i  
had as yet seen--a land of high and     
craggy mountains1 the lower parts of    
them much overgrown with woods2 the     

valley itself widened out1 and passed   
gently among the hills1 with here and   
there a lake4 ,dotted all about the     
mountain-bases1 at the edges of the     
woods1 were little white houses1        
stone-walled and stone-tiled1 with small
 gardens2 and then the place seemed to  
become strangely familiar and homelike2 
and ,i became aware that ,i was coming  
home3 the same thought occurred to      
,cynthia2 and at last1 when we turned a 
corner of the road1 and saw lying a     
little back from the road a small house1
 with a garden in front of it1 shaded by
 a group of sycamores1 we darted        
forwards with a cry of delight to the   
home that was indeed our own4 ,the door 
stood open as though we were certainly  
expected4 ,it was the simplest little   
place1 just a pair of rooms very roughly
 and plainly furnished4 ,and there we   
embraced with tears of joy4     ,,xxix  
,the time that ,i spent in the valley   
home with ,cynthia is the most difficult
 to describe of all my wanderings2      

because1 indeed1 there is nothing to    
describe4 ,we were always together4     
,sometimes we wandered high up among the
 woods1 and came out on the bleak       
mountain-heads4 ,sometimes we sat within
 and talked2 and by a curious provision 
there were phenomena there that were    
more like changes of weather1 and       
interchange of day and night1 than at   
any other place in the heavenly country4
 ,sometimes the whole valley would be   
shrouded with mists1 sometimes it would 
be grey and overcast1 sometimes the     
light was clear and radiant1 but through
 it all there beat a pulse of light and 
darkness2 and ,i do not know which was  
the more desirable--the hours when we   
walked in the forests1 with the wind    
moving softly in the leaves overhead    
like a falling sea1 or those calm and   
silent nights when we seemed to sleep   
and dream1 or when1 if ,i waked1 ,i     
could hear ,cynthia's breath coming and 
going evenly as the breath of a tired   
child4 ,it seemed like the essence of   

human passion1 the end that lovers      
desire1 and discern faintly behind and  
beyond the accidents of sense and       
contact1 like the sounding of a sweet   
chord1 without satiety or fever of the  
sense4  ,i learnt many strange and      
beautiful secrets of the human heart in 
those days3 what the dreams of womanhood
 are--how wholly different from the     
dreams of man1 in which there is always 
a combative element4 ,the soul of       
,cynthia was like a silent cleft among  
the hills1 which waits1 in its own still
 content1 until the horn of the shepherd
 winds the notes of a chord in the      
valley below2 and then the cleft makes  
answer and returns an airy echo1        
blending the notes into a harmony of    
dulcet utterance4 ,and she too1 ,i doubt
 not1 learnt something from my soul1    
which was eager and inventive enough1   
but restless and fugitive of purpose4   
,and then there came a further joy to   
us4 ,that which is fatherly and motherly
 in the world below is not a thing that 

is lost in heaven2 and just as the love 
of man and woman can draw down and      
imprison a soul in a body of flesh1 so  
in heaven the dear intention of one soul
 to another brings about a yearning1    
which grows day by day in intensity1 for
 some further outlet of love and care4  
,it was one quiet misty morning that1 as
 we sat together in tranquil talk1 we   
heard faltering steps within our garden4
 ,we had seen1 let me say1 very little  
of the other inhabitants of our valley4 
,we had sometimes seen a pair of figures
 wandering at a distance1 and we had    
even met neighbours and exchanged a     
greeting4 ,but the valley had no social 
life of its own1 and no one ever seemed1
 so far as we knew1 to enter any other  
dwelling1 though they met in quiet      
friendliness4 ,cynthia went to the door 
and opened it2 then she darted out1 and1
 just when ,i was about to follow1 she  
returned1 leading by the hand a tiny    
child1 who looked at us with an air of  
perfect contentment and simplicity4     

,where on earth has this enchanting baby
 sprung from8 said ,cynthia1 seating the
 child upon her lap1 and beginning to   
talk to it in a strangely unintelligible
 language1 which the child appeared to  
understand perfectly4  ,i laughed4 ,out 
of our two hearts1 perhaps1 ,i said4 ,at
 which ,cynthia blushed1 and said that  
,i did not understand or care for       
children4 ,she added that men's only    
idea about children was to think how    
much they could teach them4  ,yes1 ,i   
said1 we will begin lessons to-morrow1  
and go on to the ,latin ,grammar very   
shortly4  ,at which ,cynthia folded the 
child in her arms1 to defend it1 and    
reassured it in a sentence which is far 
too silly to set down here4  ,i think   
that sometimes on earth the arrival of a
 first child is a very trying time for a
 wedded pair4 ,the husband is apt to    
find his wife's love almost withdrawn   
from him1 and to see her nourishing all 
kinds of jealousies and vague ambitions 
for her child4 ,paternity is apt to be a

 very bewildered and often rather       
dramatic emotion4 ,but it was not so    
with us4 ,the child seemed the very     
thing we had been needing without       
knowing it4 ,it was a constant source of
 interest and delight2 and in spite of  
,cynthia's attempts to keep it ignorant 
and even fatuous1 it did develop a very 
charming intelligence1 or rather1 as ,i 
soon saw1 began to perceive what it     
already knew4 ,it soon overwhelmed us   
with questions1 and used to patter about
 the garden with me1 airing all sorts of
 delicious and absurd fancies4 ,but1 for
 all that1 it did seem to make an end of
 the first utter closeness of our love4 
,cynthia after this seldom went far     
afield1 and ,i ranged the hills and     
woods alone2 but it was all absurdly and
 continuously happy1 though ,i began to 
wonder how long it could last1 and      
whether my faculties and energies1 such 
as they were1 could continue thus       
unused4 ,and ,i had1 too1 in my mind    
that other scene which ,i had beheld1 of

 how the boy was withdrawn from the two 
old people in the other valley4 ,was it 
always thus1 ,i wondered8 ,was it so1   
that souls were drawn upwards in        
ceaseless pilgrimage1 loving and passing
 on1 and leaving in the hearts of those 
who stayed behind a longing unassuaged1 
which was presently to draw them onwards
 from the peace which they loved perhaps
 too well8     ,,xxx   ,the serene life 
came all to an end very suddenly1 and   
with no warning4 ,one day ,i had been   
sitting with ,cynthia1 and the child was
 playing on the floor with some little  
things--stones1 bits of sticks1         
nuts--which it had collected4 ,it was a 
mysterious game too1 accompanied with   
much impressive talk and gesticulations1
 much emphatic lecturing of recalcitrant
 pebbles1 with interludes of            
unaccountable laughter4 ,we had been    
watching the child1 when ,cynthia leaned
 across to me and said3  ,there is      
something in your mind1 dear1 which ,i  
cannot quite see into4 ,it has been     

there for a long time1 and ,i have not  
liked to ask you about it4 ,won't you   
tell me what it is8  ,yes1 of course1 ,i
 said2 ,i will tell you anything ,i can4
  ,it has nothing to do with me1 said   
,cynthia1 nor with the child2 it is     
about yourself1 ,i think2 and it is not 
altogether a happy thought4  ,it is not 
unhappy1 ,i said1 because ,i am very    
happy and very well-content4 ,it is just
 this1 ,i think4 ,you know1 don't you1  
how ,i was being employed1 before ,i    
came back1 ,god be praised1 to find you8
 ,i was being trained1 very carefully   
and elaborately trained1 ,i won't say to
 help people1 but to be of use in a way4
 ,well1 ,i have been wondering why all  
that was suspended and cut short1 just  
when ,i seemed to be finishing my       
training4 ,i have been much happier here
 than ,i ever was before1 of course4    
,indeed ,i have been so happy that ,i   
have sometimes thought it almost wrong  
that any one should have so much to     
enjoy4 ,but ,i am puzzled1 because the  

other work seems thrown away4 ,if you   
wonder whether ,i want to leave our life
 here and go back to the other1 of      
course ,i do not2 but ,i have felt idle1
 and like a boy turned down from a high 
class at school to a low one4  ,that is 
not very complimentary to me6 said      
,cynthia1 laughing4 ,suppose we say a   
boy who has been working too hard for   
his health1 and has been given a long   
holiday8  ,yes1 ,i said1 that is better4
 ,it is as if a clerk was told that he  
need not attend his office1 but stay at 
home2 and though it is pleasant enough1 
he feels as if he ought to be at his    
work1 that he appreciates his home all  
the more when he can't sit reading the  
paper all the morning1 and that he does 
not love his home less1 but rather more1
 because he is away all the day4  ,yes1 
said ,cynthia1 that is sensible enough2 
and ,i am amazed sometimes that you can 
be so good and patient about it all--so 
content to be so much with me and baby  
here2 but ,i don't think it is          

quite--what shall ,i say8--quite healthy
 either6  ,well1 ,i said1 ,i have no    
wish to change2 and here1 ,i am glad to 
think1 there is never any doubt about   
what one is meant to do4  ,and so the   
subject dropped4  ,how little ,i thought
 then that this was to be the end of the
 old scene1 and that the curtain was to 
draw up so suddenly upon a new one4     
,but the following morning ,i had been  
wandering contentedly enough in the     
wood1 watching the shafts of light      
strike in among the trees1 upon the     
glittering fronds of the ferns1 and     
thinking idly of all my strange         
experiences4 ,i came home1 and to my    
surprise1 as ,i came to the door1 ,i    
heard talk going on inside4 ,i went     
hastily in1 and saw that ,cynthia was   
not alone4 ,she was sitting1 looking    
very grave and serious1 and wonderfully 
beautiful--her beauty had grown and     
increased in a marvellous way of late4  
,and there were two men1 one sitting in 
a chair near her and regarding her with 

a look of love2 it was ,lucius2 and ,i  
saw at a glance that he was strangely   
changed4 ,he had the same spirited and  
mirthful look as of old1 but there was  
something there which ,i had never seen 
before--the look of a man who had work  
of his own1 and had learned something of
 the perplexity and suffering of        
responsibility4 ,the other was ,amroth1 
who was looking at the two with an air  
of irrepressible amusement4 ,when ,i    
entered1 ,lucius rose1 and ,amroth said 
to me3  ,here ,i am again1 you see1 and 
wondering whether you can regain the    
pleasure you once were kind enough to   
take in my company8  ,what nonsense6 ,i 
said rather shamefacedly4 ,how often    
have ,i blushed in secret to think of   
that awful remark4 ,but ,i was rather   
harried1 you must admit4  ,amroth came  
across to me and put his arm through    
mine4  ,i forgive you1 he said1 and ,i  
will admit that ,i was very provoking2  
but things were in a mess1 and1 besides1
 it was very inconvenient for me to be  

called away at that moment from my job6 
,but ,lucius came up to me and said3  ,i
 have come to apologise to you4 ,my     
behaviour was hideous and horrible4 ,i  
won't make any excuses1 and ,i don't    
suppose you can ever forget what ,i did4
 ,i was utterly and entirely in the     
wrong4  ,thank you1 ,lucius1 ,i said4   
,but please say no more about it4 ,my   
own behaviour on that occasion was      
infamous too4 ,and really we need not go
 back on all that4 ,the whole affair has
 become quite an agreeable reminiscence4
 ,it is a pleasure1 when it is all over1
 to have been thoroughly and wholesomely
 shown up1 and to discover that one has 
been a pompous and priggish ass4 ,and   
you and ,amroth between you did me that 
blessed turn4 ,i am not quite sure which
 of you ,i hated most4 ,but ,i may say  
one thing1 and that is that ,i am       
heartily glad to see you have left the  
land of delight4  ,it was a tedious     
place really1 said ,lucius1 but one felt
 bound in honour to make the best of it4

 ,but indeed after that day it was      
horrible4 ,and ,i wearied for a sight of
 ,cynthia6 ,but you seem to have done   
very well for yourselves here4 ,may ,i  
venture to say frankly how well she is  
looking1 and you too8 ,but ,i am not    
going to interrupt you4 ,i have got my  
billet1 ,i am thankful to say4 ,it is   
not a very exalted one1 but it is better
 than ,i deserve2 and ,i shall try to   
make up for wasted time4  ,hear1 hear6  
said ,amroth2 a very creditable         
sentiment1 to be sure6  ,lucius smiled  
and blushed4 ,then he said3  ,i never   
was much of a hand at expressing myself 
correctly2 but you know what ,i mean4   
,don't take the wind out of my sails6   
,and then ,amroth turned to me1 and said
 suddenly3  ,and now ,i have something  
else to tell you1 and not wholly good   
news2 so ,i will just say it at once1   
without beating about the bush4 ,you are
 to come with us too4  ,cynthia looked  
up suddenly with a glance of pale       
inquiry4 ,amroth took her hand4  ,no1   

dear child1 he said1 you are not to     
accompany him4 ,you must stay here      
awhile1 until the child is grown4 ,but  
don't look like that6 ,there is no such 
thing as separation here1 or anywhere4  
,don't make it harder for us all4 ,it is
 unpleasant of course2 but1 good        
heavens1 what would become of us all if 
it were not for that6 ,how dull we      
should be without suffering6  ,yes1 yes1
 said ,cynthia1 ,i know--and ,i will say
 nothing against it4 ,but-- and she     
burst into tears4  ,come1 come1 said    
,amroth cheerfully1 we must not go back 
to the old days1 and behave as if there 
were partings and funerals4 ,i will give
 you five minutes alone to say good-bye4
 ,lucius1 we must start1 and1 turning to
 me1 he said1 ,meet us in five minutes  
by the oak-tree in the road4  ,they went
 out1 ,lucius kissing ,cynthia's hand in
 silence4  ,cynthia came up to me and   
put her arms round my neck and her cheek
 to mine4 ,we sobbed1 ,i fear1 like two 
children4  ,don't forget me1 dearest1   

she said4  ,my darling1 what a word6 ,i 
said4  ,oh1 how happy we have been      
together6 she said4  ,yes1 and shall be 
happier still1 ,i said4  ,and then with 
more words and signs of love1 too sacred
 even to be written down1 we parted4 ,it
 was over4 ,i looked back once1 and saw 
my darling gather the child to her      
heart1 and look up once more at me4     
,then ,i closed the door2 something     
seemed to surge up in my heart and      
overwhelm me2 and then the ring on my   
finger sent a sharp pang through my     
whole frame1 which recalled me to       
myself4 ,and ,i say it with all the     
strength of my spirit1 ,i saw how joyful
 a thing it was to suffer and grieve4 ,i
 came down to the oak4 ,the two were    
waiting in silence1 and ,lucius seemed  
to be in tears4 ,amroth put his arm     
through mine4  ,come1 brother1 he said1 
that was a bad business2 ,i won't       
pretend otherwise2 but these things had 
better come swiftly4  ,yes1 said        
,lucius1 but it is a cruel affair1 and  

,i can't say otherwise4 ,why cannot ,god
 leave us alone8  ,lucius1 said ,amroth 
very gravely1 here you may say and think
 as you will--and the thoughts of the   
heart are best uttered4 ,but one must   
not blaspheme4  ,no1 no1 said ,lucius1  
,i was wrong4 ,i ought not to have      
spoken so4 ,and indeed ,i know in my    
heart that somehow1 far off1 it is well4
 ,but ,i was thinking1 he said1 turning 
to me1 and grasping my hand in both of  
his own1 not of you1 but of ,cynthia4 ,i
 am glad with all my heart that you took
 her from me1 and have made her happy4  
,but what miserable creatures we all    
are2 and how much more miserable we     
should be if we were not miserable6     
,and then we started4 ,it was a dreary  
hour that1 full of deep and gnawing     
pain4 ,i pictured to myself ,cynthia at 
every moment1 what she was doing and    
thinking2 how swiftly the good days had 
flown2 how perfectly happy ,i had been2 
and so my wretched silent reverie went  
on4  ,i must say1 said ,amroth at       

length1 breaking a dismal silence1 that 
this is very tedious4 ,can't you take   
some interest8 ,i have very disagreeable
 things to do1 but that is no reason why
 ,i should be bored as well6 ,and he    
then set himself to talk with much zest 
of all my old friends and companions1   
telling me how each was faring4         
,charmides1 it seemed1 had become a very
 accomplished architect and designer2   
,philip was a teacher at the ,college4  
,and he went on until1 in spite of my   
heaviness1 ,i felt the whole of life    
beginning to widen and vibrate all about
 me1 and a sense almost of shame        
creeping into my mind that ,i had become
 so oblivious of all the other          
friendships and relations ,i had formed4
 ,i forced myself to talk and to ask    
questions1 and found myself walking more
 briskly4 ,it was not very long before  
we parted with ,lucius4 ,he was left at 
the doors of a great barrack-like like  
building1 and ,amroth told me he was to 
be employed as an officer1 very much in 

the same way as the young man who was   
sent to conduct me away from the trial2 
and ,i felt what a good officer ,lucius 
would make--smart1 prompt1 polite1 and  
not in the least sentimental4  ,so we   
went on together rather gloomily2 and   
then ,amroth let me look for a little   
deep into his heart2 and ,i saw that it 
was filled with a kind of noble pity for
 me in my suffering2 but behind the pity
 lay that blissful certainty which made 
,amroth so light-hearted1 that it was   
just so1 through suffering1 that one    
became wise2 and he could no more think 
of it as irksome or sad than a jolly    
undergraduate thinks of the training for
 a race or the rowing in the race as    
painful1 but takes it all with a kind of
 high-hearted zest1 and finds even the  
nervousness an exciting thing1 life     
lived at high pressure in a crowded     
hour4     ,,xxxi   ,and thus we came    
ourselves to a new place1 though ,i took
 but little note of all we passed1 for  
my mind was bent inward upon itself and 

upon ,cynthia4 ,the place was a great   
solid stone building1 in many courts1   
with fine tree-shaded fields all about2 
a school1 it seemed to me1 with boys and
 girls going in and out1 playing games  
together4 ,amroth told me that children 
were bestowed here who had been of      
naturally fine and frank dispositions1  
but who had lived their life on earth   
under foul and cramped conditions1 by   
which they had been fretted rather than 
tainted4 ,it seemed a very happy and    
busy place4 ,amroth took me into a great
 room that seemed a sort of library or  
common-room4 ,there was no one there1   
and ,i was glad to sit and rest2 when   
suddenly the door opened1 and a man came
 in with outstretched hands and a smile 
of welcome4 ,i looked up1 and it was    
none but the oldest and dearest friend  
of my last life1 who had died before me4
 ,he had been a teacher1 a man of the   
simplest and most guileless life1 whose 
whole energy and delight was given to   
teaching and loving the young4 ,the     

surprising thing about him had always   
been that he could meet one1 after a    
long silence or a suspension of         
intercourse1 as simply and easily as if 
one had but left him the day before2 and
 it was just the same here4 ,there was  
no effusiveness of greeting--we just    
fell at once into the old familiar talk4
  ,you are just the same1 ,i said to    
him1 looking at the burly figure1 the   
big1 almost clumsy1 head1 and the       
irradiating smile4 ,his great charm had 
always been an entire unworldliness and 
absence of ambition4  ,he smiled at this
 and said3  ,yes1 ,i am afraid ,i am too
 easy-going4 ,he had never cared to talk
 about himself1 and now he said1 ,well1 
yes1 ,i go along in my old prosy way4   
,it is just like the old schooldays1    
with half the difficulties gone4 ,of    
course the children are not always good1
 but that makes it the more amusing2 and
 one can see much more easily what they 
are thinking of and dreaming about4  ,i 
found myself telling him my adventures1 

which he heard with the same quiet      
attention and ,i was sure that he would 
never forget a single point--he never   
forgot anything in the old days4  ,yes1 
he said at the end1 that's a wonderful  
story4 ,you always had the trouble of   
the adventures1 and ,i had the fun of   
hearing them4  ,he asked me what ,i was 
now going to do1 and ,i said that ,i had
 not the least idea4  ,oh1 that will be 
all right1 he said4  ,it was all so     
comfortable and simple1 so obvious      
indeed1 that ,i laughed to think of the 
bitter and miserable reveries ,i had    
indulged in when he was taken from me1  
and when the stay of my life seemed     
gone4 ,the whole incident seemed to give
 me back a touch of the serenity which  
,i had lost1 and ,i saw how beautifully 
this joy of meeting had been planned for
 me1 when ,i wanted it most4 ,presently 
he said that he must go off for a       
lesson1 and asked me to come with him   
and see the children4 ,we went into a   
big class-room1 where some boys and     

girls were assembling4 ,here he was     
exactly the same as ever2 no sentiment1 
but just a kind of bluff paternal       
kindness4 ,the lesson was most          
informal--a good deal of questioning and
 answering2 it was a biographical       
lecture1 but devoted1 ,i saw1 in a      
simple way1 to tracing the development  
of the hero's character4 ,what made him 
do that8 was a constant question4 ,the  
answers were most ingenious and         
extraordinarily lively2 but the order   
was perfect4 ,at the end he called up   
two or three children who had shown some
 impatience or jealousy in the lesson1  
and said a few half-humorous words to   
them1 with an air of affectionate       
interest4  ,they are jolly little       
creatures1 he said when they had all    
gone out4  ,yes1 ,i said1 with a sigh1  
,i do indeed envy you4 ,i wish ,i could 
be set to something of the kind4  ,oh1  
no1 you don't1 he said2 this is too     
simple for you6 ,you want something more
 artistic and more psychological4 ,this 

would bore you to extinction4  ,we      
walked all round the place1 saw the     
games going on1 and were presently      
joined by ,amroth1 who seemed to be on  
terms of old acquaintanceship with my   
friend4 ,i was surprised at this1 and he
 said3  ,why1 yes1 ,amroth had the      
pleasure of bringing me here too4       
,things are done here in groups1 you    
know2 and ,amroth knows all about our   
lot4 ,it is very well organised1 much   
better than one perceives at first4 ,you
 remember how you and ,i drifted to     
school together1 and the set of boys we 
found ourselves with--my word1 what     
young ruffians some of us were6 ,well1  
of course all that had been planned1    
though we did not know it4  ,what6 said 
,i2 the evil as well as the good8  ,the 
two looked at each other and smiled4    
,that is not a very real distinction1   
said ,amroth4 ,of course the poor bodies
 got in the way1 as always2 there was   
some fizzing and some precipitation1 as 
they say in chemistry4 ,but you each of 

you gave and received just what you were
 meant to give and receive2 though these
 are complicated matters1 like the      
higher mathematics2 and we must not talk
 of them to-day4 ,if one can escape the 
being shocked at things and yet be      
untainted by them1 and1 on the other    
hand1 if one can avoid pomposity and yet
 learn self-respect1 that is enough4    
,but you are tired to-day1 and ,i want  
you just to rest and be refreshed4      
,presently ,amroth asked me if ,i should
 like to stay there awhile1 and ,i most 
willingly consented4  ,you want         
something to do1 he said1 and you shall 
have some light employment4  ,that same 
day1 before ,amroth left me1 ,i had a   
curious talk with him4  ,i said to him3 
,let me ask you one question4 ,i had    
always had a sort of hope that when ,i  
came to the land of spirits1 ,i should  
have a chance of seeing and hearing     
something of some of the great souls of 
earth4 ,i had dimly imagined a sort of  
reception1 where one could wander about 

and listen to the talk of the men one   
had admired and longed to see--,plato1  
let me say1 and ,shakespeare1 ,walter   
,scott1 and ,shelley--some of the       
immortals4 ,but ,i don't seem to have   
seen anything of them--only just        
ordinary and simple people4  ,amroth    
laughed4  ,you do say the most          
extraordinarily ingenuous things1 he    
said4 ,in the first place1 of course1 we
 have quite a different scale of values 
here4 ,people do not take rank by their 
accomplishments1 but by their power of  
loving4 ,many of the great men of       
earth--and this is particularly the case
 with writers and artists--are          
absolutely nothing here4 ,they had1 it  
is true1 a fine and delicate brain1 on  
which they played with great skill2 but 
half the artists of the world are great 
as artists1 simply because they do not  
care4 ,they perceive and they express2  
but they would not have the heart to do 
it at all1 if they really cared4 ,some  
of them1 no doubt1 were men of great    

hearts1 and they have their place and   
work4 ,but to claim to see all the      
highest spirits together is as absurd as
 if you called on a doctor in ,london at
 eleven o'clock and expected to meet all
 the great physicians at his house1     
intent on general conversation4 ,some of
 the great people1 indeed1 you have met1
 and they were very simple persons on   
earth4 ,the greatest person you have    
hitherto seen was a butler on earth--the
 master of your ,college4 ,and if it    
does not shock your aristocratic        
susceptibilities too much1 the          
,president of this place kept a small   
shop in a country village4 ,but one of  
the teachers here was actually a marquis
 in the world6 ,does that uplift you8   
,he teaches the little girls how to play
 cricket1 and he is a very good dancer4 
,perhaps you would like to be introduced
 to him8  ,don't treat me as a child1 ,i
 said1 rather pettishly4  ,no1 no1 said 
,amroth1 it isn't that4 ,but you are one
 of those impressible people2 and they  

always find it harder to disentangle    
themselves from the old ideas4  ,i spent
 a long and happy time in the school4 ,i
 was given a little teaching to do1 and 
found it perfectly enchanting4 ,imagine 
children with everything greedy and     
sensual gone1 with none of the crossness
 or spitefulness that comes of fatigue  
or pressure1 but with all the           
interesting passions of humanity1       
admiration1 keenness1 curiosity1 and    
even jealousy1 emulation1 and anger1 all
 alive and active in them4 ,they were   
not angelic children at all1 neither    
meek nor mild4 ,but they were generous  
and affectionate1 and it was easy to    
evoke these feelings4 ,the one thing    
absent from the whole place was any     
touch of sentimentality1 which arises   
from natural affections suppressed into 
a giggling kind of secrecy4 ,they       
expressed affection loudly and frankly1 
just as they expressed indignation and  
annoyance4 ,all the while ,i kept       
,cynthia in my heart2 she was ever      

before me in a thousand sweet postures  
and with innumerable glances4 ,but ,i   
saw much of my sturdy and               
wholesome-minded old friend2 and the    
sore pain of parting faded away out of  
my heart1 and left me with nothing but  
the purest and deepest love1 which      
helped me in all ,i did or said1 and    
made me patient and tender-hearted4 ,and
 thus the period sped not unhappily     
away1 though ,i had my times of agony   
and despair4     ,,xxxii   ,i became    
aware at this time1 very gradually and  
even solemnly1 that some crisis of my   
life was approaching4 ,how the monition 
came to me ,i hardly know2 ,i felt like 
a man wandering in the dark1 with eyes  
strained and hands outstretched1 who is 
dimly aware of some great object1 tree  
or haystack or house1 looming up ahead  
of him1 which he cannot directly see1   
but of which he is yet conscious by the 
vibration of some sixth sense4 ,the     
wonder came by degrees to overshadow my 
thoughts with a sense of expectant awe1 

and to permeate all the urgent concerns 
of my life with its shadowy presence4   
,even the thought of ,cynthia1 who      
indeed was always in my mind1 became    
obscured with the dimness of this       
obscure anticipation4  ,one day ,amroth 
stood beside me as ,i worked2 he was    
very grave and serious1 but with a      
joyful kind of courage about him4 ,i    
pushed my books and papers away1 and    
rose to greet him1 saying               
half-unconsciously1 and just putting my 
thought into words3  ,so it has come6   
,yes1 said ,amroth1 it has come6 ,i have
 known it for some little time1 and my  
thought has mingled with yours4 ,i tell 
you frankly that ,i did not quite expect
 it2 but one never knows here4 ,you must
 come with me at once4 ,you are to see  
the last mystery2 and though ,i am glad 
for your sake that it is come1 yet ,i   
tremble for you1 because it is unlike   
any other experience2 and one can never 
be the same again4  ,i felt myself      
oppressed by a sudden terror of         

darkness1 but1 half to reassure myself1 
,i answered lightly3  ,but it does not  
seem to have affected you1 ,amroth6 ,you
 are always light-hearted and cheerful1 
and not overshadowed by any dark or     
gloomy thoughts4  ,yes1 yes1 said       
,amroth hurriedly4 ,it is easy enough1  
when it is once over4 ,nothing that is  
behind one matters2 but this is a thing 
that one cannot jest about4 ,of course  
there is nothing to fear2 but to be     
brought face to face with the greatest  
thing in the world is not a light       
matter4 ,let me say this4 ,i am to be   
with you all through2 and my only word  
to you is that you must do exactly what 
,i tell you1 and at once1 without any   
doubting or flinching4 ,then all will be
 well6 ,but we must not delay4 ,come at 
once1 and keep your mind perfectly      
quiet4  ,we went out together2 and there
 seemed to have fallen a sense of       
gravity over all whom we met4 ,my       
companions did not speak to me as we    
walked out1 but stood aside to see me   

pass1 and even looked at me1 ,i thought1
 with an air half of reverence1 half of 
a sort of natural compassion1 as one    
might watch a dear friend go to be tried
 for his life4  ,we came out of the     
door1 and found1 it seemed to me1 an    
unusual stillness everywhere4 ,the wind1
 which often blew high on the bare moor1
 had dropped4 ,we took a path1 which ,i 
had never seen1 which struck off over   
the hills4 ,we walked for a long time1  
almost in silence4 ,but ,i could not    
bear the strange curiosity which was    
straining at my heart1 and ,i said      
presently to ,amroth3  ,give me some    
idea what ,i am to see or to endure4 ,is
 it some judgment which ,i am to face1  
or am ,i to suffer pain8 ,i would rather
 know the best and the worst of it4  ,it
 is everything1 said ,amroth2 you are to
 see ,god4 ,all is comprised in that4   
,his words fell with a shocking         
distinctness in the calm air1 and ,i    
felt my heart and limbs fail me1 and a  
dizziness came over my mind4 ,hardly    

knowing what ,i did or said1 ,i came to 
a stop4  ,but ,i did not know that it   
was possible1 ,i said4 ,i thought that  
,god was everywhere--within us1 about   
us1 beyond us8 ,how can that be8  ,yes1 
said ,amroth1 ,god is indeed everywhere1
 and no place contains ,him2 neither can
 any of us see or comprehend ,him4 ,i   
cannot explain it2 but there is a       
centre1 so to speak1 near to which the  
unclean and the evil cannot come1 where 
the fire of ,his thought burns the      
hottest4444 ,oh1 he said1 neither word  
nor thought is of any use here2 you will
 see what you will see6  ,perhaps the   
hardest thing ,i had to bear in all my  
wanderings was the sight of ,amroth's   
own fear4 ,it was unmistakable4 ,his    
spirit seemed prepared for it1 perfectly
 courageous and sincere as it was2 but  
there was a shuddering awe upon him1 for
 all that1 which infected me with an    
extremity of terror4 ,was it that he    
thought me unequal to the experience8 ,i
 could not tell4 ,but we walked as men  

dragging themselves into some fiery and 
dreadful martyrdom4  ,again ,i could not
 bear it1 and ,i cried out suddenly3    
,but1 ,amroth1 ,he is ,love2 and we can 
enter without fear into the presence of 
,love6  ,have you not yet guessed1 said 
,amroth sternly1 how terrible ,love can 
be8 ,it is the most terrible thing in   
the world1 because it is the strongest4 
,if ,death is dreadful1 what must that  
be which is stronger than ,death8 ,come1
 let us be silent1 for we are near the  
place1 and this is no time for words2   
and then he added with a look of the    
deepest compassion and tenderness1 ,i   
wish ,i could speak differently1        
brother1 at this hour2 but ,i am myself 
afraid4  ,and at that we gave up all    
speech1 and only our thoughts sprang    
together and intertwined1 like two      
children that clasp each other close in 
a burning house1 when the smoke comes   
volleying from the door4  ,we were      
coming now to what looked like a ridge  
of rocks ahead of us2 and ,i saw here a 

wonderful thing1 a great light of       
incredible pureness and whiteness1 which
 struck upwards from the farther side4  
,this began to light up our own pale    
faces1 and to throw our backs into a    
dark shadow1 even though the radiance of
 the heavenly day was all about us4 ,and
 at last we came to the place4  ,it was 
the edge of a precipice so vast1 so     
stupendous1 that no word can even dimly 
describe its depth2 it was all          
illuminated with incredible clearness by
 the light which struck upwards from    
below4 ,it was absolutely sheer1 great  
pale cliffs of white stone running      
downwards into the depth4 ,to left and  
right the precipice ran1 with an        
irregular outline1 so that one could see
 the cliff-fronts gleam how many        
millions of leagues below6 ,there seemed
 no end to it4 ,but at a certain point  
far down in the abyss the light seemed  
stronger and purer4 ,i was at first so  
amazed by the sight that ,i gazed in    
silence4 ,then a dreadful dizziness came

 over me1 and ,i felt ,amroth's hand put
 round me to sustain me4 ,then in a     
faint whisper1 that was almost          
inaudible1 ,amroth1 pointing with his   
finger downwards1 said3  ,watch that    
place where the light seems clearest4   
,i did so4 ,suddenly there came1 as from
 the face of the cliff1 a thing like a  
cloudy jet of golden steam4 ,it passed  
out into the clear air1 shaping itself  
in strange and intricate curves2 then it
 grew darker in colour1 hung for an     
instant like a cloud of smoke1 and then 
faded into the sky4  ,what is that8 ,i  
said1 surprised out of my terror4  ,i   
may tell you that1 said ,amroth1 that   
you may know what you see4 ,there is no 
time here2 and you have seen a universe 
made1 and live its life1 and die4 ,you  
have seen the worlds created4 ,that     
cloud of whirling suns1 each with its   
planets1 has taken shape before your    
eyes2 life has arisen there1 has        
developed2 men like ourselves have      
lived1 have wrestled with evil1 have    

formed states1 have died and vanished4  
,that is all but a single thought of    
,god4  ,another came1 and then another  
of the golden jets1 each fading into    
darkness and dispersing4  ,and now1 said
 ,amroth1 the moment has come4 ,you are 
to make the last sacrifice of the soul4 
,do not shrink back1 fear nothing4 ,leap
 into the abyss6  ,the thought fell upon
 me with an infinity and an incredulity 
of horror that ,i cannot express in     
words4 ,i covered my eyes with my hands4
  ,oh1 ,i cannot1 ,i cannot1 ,i said2   
anything but this6 ,god be merciful2 let
 me go rather to some infinite place of 
torment where at least ,i may feel      
myself alive4 ,do not ask this of me6   
,amroth made no answer1 and ,i saw that 
he was regarding me fixedly1 himself    
pale to the lips2 but with a touch of   
anger and even of contempt1 mixed with a
 world of compassion and love4 ,there   
was something in this look which seemed 
to entreat me mutely for my own sake and
 his own to act4 ,i do not know what the

 impulse was that came to               
me--self-contempt1 trust1 curiosity1 the
 yearning of love4 ,i closed my eyes1 ,i
 took a faltering step1 and stumbled1   
huddling and aghast1 over the edge4 ,the
 air flew up past me with a sort of     
shriek2 ,i opened my eyes once1 and saw 
the white cliffs speeding past4 ,then an
 unconsciousness came over me and ,i    
knew no more4     ,,xxxiii   ,i came to 
myself very gradually and dimly1 with no
 recollection at first of what had      
happened4 ,i was lying on my back on    
some soft grassy place1 with the air    
blowing cool over me4 ,i thought ,i saw 
,amroth bending over me with a look of  
extraordinary happiness1 and felt his   
arm about me2 but again ,i became       
unconscious1 yet all the time with a    
blissfulness of repose and joy1 far     
beyond what ,i had experienced at my    
first waking on the sunlit sea4 ,again  
life dawned upon me4 ,i was there1 ,i   
was myself4 ,what had happened to me8 ,i
 could not tell4 ,so ,i lay for a long  

time half dreaming and half swooning2   
till at last life seemed to come back   
suddenly to me1 and ,i sat up4 ,amroth  
was holding me in his arms close to the 
spot from which ,i had sprung4  ,have ,i
 been dreaming8 ,i said4 ,was it here8  
and when8 ,i cannot remember4 ,it seems 
impossible1 but was ,i told to jump     
down8 ,what has happened to me8 ,i am   
confused4  ,you will know presently1    
said ,amroth1 in a tone from which all  
the fear seemed to have vanished4 ,it is
 all over1 and ,i am thankful4 ,do not  
try to recollect2 it will come back to  
you presently4 ,just rest now2 you have 
been through strange things4  ,suddenly 
a thought began to shape itself in my   
mind1 a thought of perfect and          
irresistible joy4  ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i    
remember now4 ,we were afraid1 both of  
us1 and you told me to leap down4 ,but  
what was it that ,i saw1 and what was it
 that was told me8 ,i cannot recall it4 
,oh1 ,i said at last1 ,i know now2 it   
comes back to me4 ,i fell1 in hideous   

cowardice and misery4 ,the wind blew    
shrill4 ,i saw the cliffs stream past2  
then ,i was unconscious1 ,i think4 ,i   
seem to have died2 but part of me was   
not dead4 ,my flight was stayed1 and ,i 
floated out somewhere4 ,i was joined to 
something that was like both fire and   
water in one4 ,i was seen and known and 
understood and loved1 perfectly and     
unutterably and for ever4 ,but there was
 pain1 somewhere1 ,amroth6 ,how was     
that8 ,i am sure there was pain4  ,of   
course1 dear child1 said ,amroth1 there 
was pain1 because there was everything4 
,but1 ,i said1 ,i cannot understand yet2
 why was that terrible leap demanded of 
me8 ,and why did ,i confront it with    
such abject cowardice and dismay8       
,surely one need not go stumbling and   
cowed into the presence of ,god8  ,there
 is no other way1 said ,amroth2 you do  
not understand how terrible perfect love
 is4 ,it is because it is perfect that  
it is terrible4 ,our own imperfect love 
has some weakness in it4 ,it is mixed   

with pleasure1 and then it is not a     
sacrifice2 one gives as much of oneself 
as one chooses2 one is known just so far
 as one wishes to be known4 ,but here   
with ,god there must be no              
concealment--though even there a man can
 withhold his heart from ,god--,god     
never uses compulsion2 and the will can 
prevail even against ,him4 ,but the     
reason of the leap that must be taken is
 this3 it is the last surrender1 and it 
cannot be made on our terms and         
conditions2 it must be absolute4 ,and   
what ,i feared for you was not anything 
that would happen if you did commit     
yourself to ,god1 but what would happen 
if you did not2 for1 of course1 you     
could have resisted1 and then you would 
have had to begin again4  ,i was silent 
for a little1 and then ,i said3 ,i      
remember now more clearly1 but did ,i   
really see ,him8 ,it seems so absolutely
 simple4 ,nothing happened4 ,i just     
became one with the heart and life of   
the world2 ,i came home at last4 ,yet   

how am ,i here8 ,how is it ,i was not   
merged in light and life8  ,ah1 said    
,amroth1 it is the new birth4 ,you can  
never be the same again4 ,but you are   
not yet lost in ,him4 ,the time for that
 is not yet4 ,it is a mystery2 but as   
yet ,god works outward1 radiates energy 
and force and love2 the time will come  
when all will draw inward again1 and be 
merged in ,him4 ,but the world is as yet
 in its dawning4 ,the rising sun        
scatters light and heat1 and the hot and
 silent noon is yet to come2 then the   
shadows move eastward1 and after that   
comes the waning sunset and the evening 
light1 and last of all the huge and     
starlit peace of the night4  ,but1 ,i   
said1 if this is really so1 if ,i have  
been gathered close to ,god's heart1 why
 is it that instead of feeling stronger1
 ,i only feel weak and unstrung8 ,i have
 indeed an inner sense of peace and     
happiness1 but ,i have no will or       
purpose of my own that ,i can discern4  
,that1 said ,amroth1 is because you have

 given up all4 ,the sense of strength is
 part of our weakness4 ,our plans1 our  
schemes1 our ambitions1 all the things  
that make us enjoy and hope and arrange1
 are but signs of our incompleteness4   
,your will is still as molten metal1 it 
has borne the fierce heat of inner love2
 and this has taken all that is hard and
 stubborn and complacent out of you--for
 a time4 ,but when you return to the    
life of the body1 as you will return1   
there will be this great difference in  
you4 ,you will have to toil and suffer1 
and even sin4 ,but there will be one    
thing that you will not do3 you will    
never be complacent or self-righteous1  
you will not judge others hardly4 ,you  
will be able to forgive and to make     
allowances2 you will concern yourself   
with loving others1 not with trying to  
improve them up to your own standard4   
,you will wish them to be different1 but
 you will not condemn them for being    
different2 and hereafter the lives you  
live on earth will be of the humblest4  

,you will have none of the temptations  
of authority1 or influence1 or ambition 
again--all that will be far behind you4 
,you will live among the poor1 you will 
do the most menial and commonplace      
drudgery1 you will have none of the     
delights of life4 ,you will be despised 
and contemned for being ugly and humble 
and serviceable and meek4 ,you will be  
one of those who will be thought to have
 no spirit to rise1 no power of making  
men serve your turn4 ,you will miss what
 are called your chances1 you will be a 
failure2 but you will be trusted and    
loved by children and simple people2    
they will depend upon you1 and you will 
make the atmosphere in which you live   
one of peace and joy4 ,you will have    
selfish employers1 tyrannical masters1  
thankless children perhaps1 for whom you
 will slave lovingly4 ,they will slight 
you and even despise you1 but their     
hearts will turn to you again and again1
 and yours will be the face that they   
will remember when they come to die1 as 

that of the one person who loved them   
truly and unquestioningly4 ,that will be
 your destiny2 one of utter obscurity   
and nothingness upon earth4 ,yet each   
time1 when you return hither1 your work 
will be higher and holier1 and nearer to
 the heart of ,god4 ,and now ,i have    
said enough2 for you have seen ,god1 as 
,i too saw ,him long ago2 and our hope  
is henceforward the same4  ,yes1 ,i said
 to ,amroth1 ,i am content4 ,i had      
thought that ,i should be exalted and   
elated by my privileges2 but ,i have no 
thought or dream of that4 ,i only desire
 to go where ,i am sent1 to do what is  
desired of me4 ,i have laid my burden   
down4     ,,xxxiv   ,presently ,amroth  
rose1 and said that we must be going    
onward4  ,and now1 he said1 ,i have a   
further thing to tell you1 and that is  
that ,i have very soon to leave you4 ,to
 bring you hither was the last of my    
appointed tasks1 and my work is now     
done4 ,it is strange to remember how ,i 
bore you in my arms out of life1 like a 

little sleeping child1 and how much we  
have been together4  ,do not leave me   
now1 ,i said to ,amroth4 ,there seems so
 much that ,i have to ask you4 ,and if  
your work with me is done1 where are you
 now going8  ,where am ,i going1        
brother8 said ,amroth4 ,back to life    
again1 and immediately4 ,and there is   
one thing more that is permitted1 and   
that is that you should be with me to   
the last4 ,strange that ,i should have  
attended you here1 to the very crown and
 sum of life1 and that you should now   
attend me where ,i am going6 ,but so it 
is4  ,and what do you feel about it8 ,i 
said4  ,oh1 said ,amroth1 ,i do not like
 it1 of course4 ,to be so free and      
active here1 and to be bound again in   
the body1 in the close1 suffering1      
ill-savoured house of life6 ,but ,i have
 much to gain by it4 ,i have a sharpness
 of temper and a peremptoriness--of     
which indeed1 he said1 smiling1 you have
 had experience4 ,i am fond of doing    
things in my own way1 inconsiderate of  

others1 and impatient if they do not go 
right4 ,i am hard1 and perhaps even     
vulgar4 ,but now ,i am going like a     
board to the carpenter1 to have some of 
my roughness planed out of me1 and ,i   
hope to do better4  ,well1 ,i said1 ,i  
am too full of wonder and hope just now 
to be alarmed for you4 ,i could even    
wish ,i were myself departing4 ,but ,i  
have a desire to see ,cynthia again4    
,yes1 said ,amroth1 and you will see    
her2 but you will not be long after me1 
brother2 comfort yourself with that6    
,we walked a little farther across the  
moorland1 talking softly at intervals1  
till suddenly ,i discerned a solitary   
figure which was approaching us swiftly4
  ,ah1 said ,amroth1 my time has indeed 
come4 ,i am summoned4  ,he waved his    
hand to the man1 who came up quickly and
 even breathlessly1 and handed ,amroth a
 sealed paper4 ,amroth tore it open1    
read it smilingly1 gave a nod to the    
officer1 saying ,many thanks4 ,the      
officer saluted him2 he was a brisk     

young man1 with a fresh air2 and he     
then1 without a word1 turned from us and
 went over the moorland4  ,come1 said   
,amroth1 let us descend4 ,you can do    
this for yourself now2 you do not need  
my help4 ,he took my hand1 and a mist   
enveloped us4 ,suddenly the mist broke  
up and streamed away4 ,i looked round me
 in curiosity4  ,we were standing in a  
very mean street of brick-built houses1 
with slated roofs2 over the roofs we    
could see a spire1 and the chimneys of  
mills1 spouting smoke4 ,the houses had  
tiny smoke-dried gardens in front of    
them4 ,at the end of the street was an  
ugly1 ill-tended field1 on which much   
rubbish lay4 ,there were some dirty     
children playing about1 and a few women1
 with shawls over their heads1 were     
standing together watching a house      
opposite4 ,the window of an upper room  
was open1 and out of it came cries and  
moans4  ,it's going very badly with her1
 said one of the women1 poor soul2 but  
the doctor will be here soon4 ,she was  

about this morning too4 ,i had a word   
with her1 and she was feeling very bad4 
,i said she ought to be in bed1 but she 
said she had her work to do first4  ,the
 women glanced at the window with a     
hushed sort of sympathy4 ,a young woman1
 evidently soon to become a mother1     
looked pale and apprehensive4  ,will she
 get through8 she said timidly4  ,oh1   
don't you fear1 ,sarah1 said one of the 
women1 kindly enough4 ,she will be all  
right4 ,bless you1 ,i've been through it
 five times myself1 and ,i am none the  
worse4 ,and when it's over she'll be as 
comfortable as never was4 ,it seems     
worth it then4  ,a man suddenly turned  
the corner of the street2 he was dressed
 in a shabby overcoat with a bowler hat1
 and he carried a bag in his hand4 ,he  
came past us4 ,he looked a busy1        
overtried man1 but he had a             
good-humoured air4 ,he nodded pleasantly
 to the women4 ,one said3  ,you are     
wanted badly in there1 doctor4  ,yes1 he
 said cheerfully1 ,i am making all the  

haste ,i can4 ,where's ,john8  ,oh1 he's
 at work1 said the woman4 ,he didn't    
expect it to-day4 ,but he's better out  
of the way3 he 'd be no good2 he'd only 
be interfering and grumbling2 but ,i'll 
come across with you1 and when it's     
over1 ,i'll just run down and tell him4 
,that's right1 said the doctor1 come    
along--the nurse will be round in a     
minute2 and ,i can make things easy     
meantime4  ,strange to say1 it had      
hardly dawned upon me what was          
happening4 ,i turned to ,amroth1 who    
stood there smiling1 but a little pale1 
his arm in mine2 fresh and upright1 with
 his slim and graceful limbs1 his bright
 curled hair1 a strange contrast to the 
slatternly women and the heavily-built  
doctor4  ,so this1 he said1 is where ,i 
am to spend a few years2 my new father  
is a hardworking man1 ,i believe1       
perhaps a little given to drink but kind
 enough2 and ,i daresay some of these   
children are my brothers and sisters4 ,a
 score of years or more to spend here1  

no doubt6 ,well1 it might be worse4 ,you
 will think of me while you can1 and if 
you have the time1 you may pay me a     
visit1 though ,i don't suppose ,i shall 
recognise you4  ,it seems rather        
dreadful to me1 said ,i1 ,i must        
confess6 ,who would have thought that ,i
 should have forgotten my visions so    
soon8 ,amroth1 dear1 ,i can't bear      
this--that you should suffer such a     
change4  ,sentiment again1 brother1 said
 ,amroth4 ,to me it is curious and      
interesting1 even exciting4 ,well1      
good-bye2 my time is just up1 ,i think4 
,the doctor had gone into the house1 and
 the cries died away4 ,a moment after a 
woman in the dress of a nurse came      
quickly along the street1 knocked1      
opened the door1 and went in4 ,i could  
see into the room1 a poorly furnished   
one4 ,a girl sat nursing a baby by the  
fire1 and looked very much frightened4  
,a little boy played in the corner4 ,a  
woman was bustling about1 making some   
preparations for a meal4  ,let me do you

 the honours of my new establishment1   
said ,amroth with a smile4 ,no1 dear    
man1 don't go with me any farther4 ,we  
will part here1 and when we meet again  
we shall have some new stories to tell4 
,bless you4 ,he took his hand from my   
arm1 caught up my hand1 kissed it1 said1
 ,there1 that is for you1 and           
disappeared smiling into the house4  ,a 
moment later there came the cry of a    
new-born child from the window above4   
,the doctor came out and went down the  
street2 one of the women joined him and 
walked with him4 ,a few minutes later   
she returned with a young and sturdy    
workman1 looking rather anxious4  ,it's 
all right1 ,i heard her say1 it's a fine
 boy1 and ,annie is doing well--she'll  
be about again soon enough4  ,they      
disappeared into the house1 and ,i      
turned away4     ,,xxxv   ,it is        
difficult to describe the strange       
emotions with which the departure of    
,amroth filled me4 ,i think that1 when  
,i first entered the heavenly country1  

the strongest feeling ,i experienced was
 the sense of security--the thought that
 the earthly life was over and done     
with1 and that there remained the rest  
and tranquillity of heaven4 ,what ,i    
cannot even now understand is this4 ,i  
am dimly aware that ,i have lived a     
great series of lives1 in each of which 
,i have had to exist blindly1 not       
knowing that my life was not bounded and
 terminated by death1 and only darkly   
guessing and hoping1 in passionate      
glimpses1 that there might be a         
permanent life of the soul behind the   
life of the body4 ,and yet1 at first1 on
 entering the heavenly country1 ,i did  
not remember having entered it before2  
it was not familiar to me1 nor did ,i at
 first recall in memory that ,i had been
 there before4 ,the earthly life seems  
to obliterate for a time even the       
heavenly memory4 ,but the departure of  
,amroth swept away once and for all the 
sense of security4 ,one felt of the     
earthly life1 indeed1 as a busy man may 

think of a troublesome visit he has to  
pay1 which breaks across the normal     
current of his life1 while he           
anticipates with pleasure his return to 
the usual activities of home across the 
interval of social distraction1 which he
 does not exactly desire1 but yet is    
glad that it should intervene1 if only  
for the heightened sense of delight with
 which he will resume his real life4 ,i 
had been happy in heaven1 though with   
periods of discontent and moments of    
dismay4 ,but ,i no longer desired a     
dreamful ease2 ,i only wished           
passionately to be employed4 ,and now ,i
 saw that ,i must resign all expectation
 of that4 ,as so often happens1 both on 
earth and in heaven1 ,i had found       
something of which ,i was not in search1
 while the work which ,i had estimated  
so highly1 and prepared myself so       
ardently for1 had never been given to me
 to do at all4  ,but for the moment ,i  
had but one single thought4 ,i was to   
see ,cynthia again1 and ,i might then   

expect my own summons to return to life4
 ,what surprised me1 on looking back at 
my present sojourn1 was the extreme     
apparent fortuitousness of it4 ,it had  
not been seemingly organised or laid out
 on any plan2 and yet it had shown me   
this1 that my own intentions and desires
 counted for nothing4 ,i had meant to   
work1 and ,i had been mostly idle2 ,i   
had intended to study psychology1 and ,i
 had found love4 ,how much wiser and    
deeper it had all been than anything    
which ,i had designed6  ,even now ,i was
 uncertain how to find ,cynthia4 ,but   
recollecting that ,amroth had warned me 
that ,i had gained new powers which ,i  
might exercise1 ,i set myself to use    
them4 ,i concentrated myself upon the   
thought of ,cynthia2 and in a moment1   
just as the hand of a man in a dark     
room1 feeling for some familiar object1 
encounters and closes upon the thing he 
is seeking1 ,i seemed to touch and      
embrace the thought of ,cynthia4 ,i     
directed myself thither4 ,the breeze    

fanned my hair1 and as ,i opened my eyes
 ,i saw that ,i was in an unfamiliar    
place--not the forest where ,i had left 
,cynthia1 but in a terraced garden1     
under a great hill1 wooded to the peak4 
,stone steps ran up through the         
terraces1 the topmost of which was      
crowned by a long irregular building1   
very quaintly designed4 ,i went up the  
steps1 and1 looking about me1 caught    
sight of two figures seated on a wooden 
seat at a little distance from me1      
overlooking the valley4 ,one of these   
was ,cynthia4 ,the other was a young and
 beautiful woman2 the two were talking  
earnestly together4 ,suddenly ,cynthia  
turned and saw me1 and rising quickly1  
came to me and caught me in her arms4   
,i was sure you were somewhere near me1 
dearest1 she said2 ,i dreamed of you    
last night1 and you have been in my     
thoughts all day4  ,my darling was in   
some way altered4 ,she looked older1    
wiser1 and calmer1 but she was in my    
eyes even more beautiful4 ,the other    

girl1 who had looked at us in surprise  
for a moment1 rose too and came shyly   
forwards4 ,cynthia caught her hand1 and 
presented her to me1 adding1 ,and now   
you must leave us alone for a little1 if
 you will forgive me for asking it1 for 
we have much to ask and to say4  ,the   
girl smiled and went off1 looking back  
at us1 ,i thought1 half-enviously4  ,we 
went and sat down on the seat1 and      
,cynthia said3  ,something has happened 
to you1 dear one1 ,i see1 since ,i saw  
you last--something great and glorious4 
,yes1 ,i said1 you are right2 ,i have   
seen the beginning and the end2 and ,i  
have not yet learned to understand it4  
,but ,i am the same1 ,cynthia1 and yours
 utterly4 ,we will speak of this later4 
,tell me first what has happened to you1
 and what this place is4 ,i will not    
waste time in talking2 ,i want to hear  
you talk and to see you talk4 ,how often
 have ,i longed for that6  ,cynthia took
 my hand in both of her own1 and then   
unfolded to me her story4 ,she had lived

 long in the forest1 alone with the     
child1 and then the day had come when   
the desire to go farther had arisen in  
his mind1 and he had left her1 and she  
had felt strangely desolate1 till she   
too had been summoned4  ,and this       
place--how can ,i describe it8 she said4
 ,it is a home for spirits who have     
desired love on earth1 and who yet1 from
 some accident of circumstance1 have    
never found one to love them with any   
intimacy of passion4 ,how strange it is 
to think1 she went on1 that ,i1 just by 
the inheritance of beauty1 was          
surrounded with love and the wrong sort 
of love1 so that ,i never learned to    
love rightly and truly2 while so many1  
just from some lack of beauty1 some     
homeliness or ungainliness of feature or
 carriage1 missed the one kind of love  
that would have sustained and fed       
them--have never been held in a lover's 
arms1 or held a child of their own      
against their heart4 ,and so1 she went  
on smiling1 many of them lavished their 

tenderness upon animals or crafty       
servants or selfish relations2 and grew 
old and fanciful and petulant before    
their time4 ,it seems a sad waste of    
life that6 ,because so many of them are 
spirits that could have loved finely and
 devotedly all the time4 ,but here1 she 
said1 they unlearn their caprices1 and  
live a life by strict rule--and they go 
out hence to have the care of children1 
or to tend broken lives into            
tranquillity--and some of them1 nay most
 of them1 find heavenly lovers of their 
own4 ,they are odd1 fractious people at 
first1 curiously concerned about health 
and occupation and one can often do     
nothing but listen to their complaints4 
,but they find their way out in time1   
and one can help them a little1 as soon 
as they begin to desire to hear         
something of other lives but their own4 
,they have to learn to turn love        
outwards instead of inwards2 just as ,i1
 she added laughing1 had to turn my own 
love inwards instead of outwards4  ,then

 ,i told ,cynthia what ,i could tell of 
my own experiences1 and she heard them  
with astonishment4 ,then ,i said3  ,what
 surprises me about it1 is that ,i seem 
somehow to have been given more than ,i 
can hold4 ,i have a very shallow and    
trivial nature1 like a stream that      
sparkles pleasantly enough over a pebbly
 bottom1 but in which no boat or man can
 swim4 ,i have always been absorbed in  
the observation of details and in the   
outside of things4 ,i spent so much     
energy in watching the faces and        
gestures and utterances and tricks of   
those about me that ,i never had the    
leisure to look into their hearts4 ,and 
now these great depths have opened      
before me1 and ,i feel more childish and
 feeble than ever1 like a frail glass   
which holds a most precious liquor1 and 
gains brightness and glory from the hues
 of the wine it holds1 but is not like  
the gem1 compact of colour and radiance4
  ,cynthia laughed at me4  ,at all      
events1 you have not forgotten how to   

make metaphors1 she said4  ,no1 said ,i1
 that is part of the mischief1 that ,i  
see the likenesses of things and not    
their essences4 ,at which she laughed   
again more softly1 and rested her cheek 
on my shoulder4  ,then ,i told her of   
the departure of ,amroth4  ,that is     
wonderful1 she said4  ,and then ,i told 
her of my own approaching departure1 at 
which she grew sad for a moment4 ,then  
she said1 ,but come1 let us not waste   
time in forebodings4 ,will you come with
 me into the house to see the likenesses
 of things1 or shall we have an hour    
alone together1 and try to look into    
essences8  ,i caught her by the hand4   
,no1 ,i said1 ,i care no more about the 
machinery of these institutions4 ,i am  
the pilgrim of love1 and not the student
 of organisations4 ,if you may quit your
 task1 and leave your ladies to         
regretful memories of their lap-dogs1   
let us go out together for a little1 and
 say what we can--for ,i am sure that my
 time is approaching4  ,cynthia smiled  

and left me1 and returned running2 and  
then we rambled off together1 up the    
steep paths of the woodland1 to the     
mountain-top1 from which we had a wide  
prospect of the heavenly country1 a     
great blue well-watered plain lying out 
for leagues before us1 with the shapes  
of mysterious mountains in the distance4
 ,but ,i can give no account of all we  
said or did1 for heart mingled with     
heart1 and there was little need of     
speech4 ,and even so1 in those last     
sweet hours1 ,i could not help          
marvelling at how utterly different     
,cynthia's heart and mind were from my  
own2 even then it was a constant shock  
of surprise that we should understand   
each other so perfectly1 and yet feel so
 differently about so much4 ,it seemed  
to me that1 even after all ,i had seen  
and suffered1 my heart was still bent on
 taking and ,cynthia's on giving4 ,i    
seemed to see my own heart through      
,cynthia's1 while she appeared to see   
mine but through her own4 ,we spoke of  

our experiences1 and of our many        
friends1 now hidden from us--and at last
 we spoke of ,lucius4 ,and then ,cynthia
 said3  ,it is strange1 dearest1 that   
now and then there should yet remain any
 doubt at all in my mind about your wish
 or desire2 but ,i must speak2 and      
before ,i speak1 ,i will say that       
whatever you desire1 ,i will do4 ,but ,i
 think that ,lucius has need of me1 and 
,i am his1 in a way which ,i cannot     
describe4 ,he is halting now in his way1
 and he is unhappy because his life is  
incomplete4 ,may ,i help him8  ,at this 
there struck through me a sharp and     
jealous pang2 and a dark cloud seemed to
 float across my mind for a moment4 ,but
 ,i set all aside1 and thought for an   
instant of the vision of ,god4 ,and then
 ,i said3  ,yes1 ,cynthia6 ,i had       
wondered too2 and it seems perhaps like 
the last taint of earth1 that ,i would1 
as it were1 condemn you to a sort of    
widowhood of love when ,i am gone4 ,but 
you must follow your own heart1 and its 

pure and sweet advice1 and the ,will of 
,love2 and you must use your treasure1  
not hoard it for me in solitude4        
,dearest1 ,i trust you and worship you  
utterly and entirely4 ,it is through you
 and your love that ,i have found my way
 to the heart of ,god2 and if indeed you
 can take another heart thither1 you    
must do it for love's own sake4 ,and    
after this we were silent for a long    
space1 heart blending wholly with heart4
  ,then suddenly ,i became aware that   
some one was coming up through the wood1
 to the rocks where we sat3 and ,cynthia
 clung close to me1 and ,i knew that she
 was sorrowful to death4 ,and then ,i   
saw ,lucius come up out of the wood1 and
 halt for a moment at the sight of us   
together4 ,then he came on almost       
reverently1 and ,i saw that he carried  
in his hand a sealed paper like that    
which had been given to ,amroth2 and ,i 
read it and found my summons written4   
,then while ,lucius stood beside me1    
with his eyes upon the ground1 ,i said3 

,i must go in haste2 and ,i have but one
 thing to do4 ,we have spoken1 ,cynthia 
and ,i1 of the love you have long borne 
her2 and she is yours now1 to comfort   
and lead you as she has led and         
comforted me4 ,this is the last         
sacrifice of love1 to give up love      
itself2 and this ,i do very willingly   
for the sake of ,him that loves us3 and 
here1 ,i said1 is a strange thing1 that 
at the very crown and summit of life1   
for ,i am sure that this is so1 we      
should be three hearts1 so full of love1
 and yet so sorrowing and suffering as  
we are4 ,is pain indeed the end of all8 
,no1 said ,cynthia1 it is not the end1  
and yet only by it can we measure the   
depth and height of love4 ,if we look   
into our hearts1 we know that in spite  
of all we are more than rewarded1 and   
more than conquerors4  ,then ,i took    
,cynthia's hand and laid it in the hand 
of ,lucius2 and ,i left them there upon 
the peak1 and turned no more4 ,and no   
more woeful spirit was in the land of   

heaven that day than mine as ,i stumbled
 wearily down the slope1 and found the  
valley4 ,and then1 for ,i did not know  
the way to descend1 ,i commended myself 
to ,god2 and ,he took me4     ,,xxxvi   
,i saw that ,i was standing in a narrow 
muddy road1 with deep ruts1 which led up
 from the bank of a wide river--a tidal 
river1 as ,i could see1 from the great  
mudflats fringed with seaweed4 ,the sun 
blazed down upon the whole scene4 ,just 
below was a sort of landing-place1 where
 lay a number of long1 low boats1 shaded
 with mats curved like the hood of a    
waggon2 a little farther out was a big  
quaint ship1 with a high stern and      
yellow sails4 ,beyond the river rose    
great hills1 thickly clothed with       
vegetation4 ,in front of me1 along the  
roadside1 stood a number of mud-walled  
huts1 thatched with some sort of reeds2 
beyond these1 on the left1 was the      
entrance of a larger house1 surrounded  
with high walls1 the tops of trees1 with
 a strange red foliage1 appearing over  

the enclosure1 and the tiled roofs of   
buildings4 ,farther still were the walls
 of a great town1 huge earthworks       
crowned with plastered fortifications1  
and a gate1 with a curious roof to it1  
running out at each end into horns      
carved of wood4 ,at some distance1 out  
of a grove to the right1 rose a round   
tapering tower of mouldering brickwork4 
,the rest of the nearer country seemed  
laid out in low plantations of some     
green-leaved shrub1 with rice-fields    
interspersed in the more level ground4  
,there were only a few people in sight4 
,some men with arms and legs bare1 and  
big hats made of reeds1 were carrying up
 goods from the landing-place1 and a    
number of children1 pale and small-eyed1
 dirty and half-naked1 were playing     
about by the roadside4 ,i went a few    
paces up the road1 and stopped beside a 
house1 a little larger than the rest1   
with a rough verandah by the door4 ,here
 a middle-aged man was seated1 plaiting 
something out of reeds1 but evidently   

listening for sounds within the house1  
with an air half-tranquil1 half-anxious2
 by him on a slab stood something that  
looked like a drum1 and a spray of      
azalea flowers4 ,while ,i watched1 a man
 of a rather superior rank1 with a dark 
flowered jacket and a curious hat1      
looked out of a door which opened on the
 verandah and beckoned him in2 a sound  
of low subdued wailing came out from the
 house1 and ,i knew that my time was    
hard at hand4 ,it was strange and       
terrible to me at the moment to realise 
that my life was to be bound up1 ,i knew
 not for how long1 with this remote     
place2 but ,i was conscious too of a    
deep excitement1 as of a man about to   
start upon a race on which much depends4
 ,there came a groan from the interior  
of the house1 and through the half-open 
door ,i could see two or three dim      
figures standing round a bed in a dark  
and ill-furnished room4 ,one of the     
figures bent down1 and ,i could see the 
face of a woman1 very pale1 the eyes    

closed1 and the lips open1 her arms     
drawn up over her head as in an agony of
 pain4 ,then a sudden dimness came over 
me1 and a deadly faintness4 ,i stumbled 
through the verandah to the open door4  
,the darkness closed in upon me1 and ,i 
knew no more4  ,,the ,,end