,,superseded ,,by ,,may ,,sinclair ,author of ,the ,divine ,fire #aijf ,,publishers' ,,note ,miss ,sinclair has expressed a desire to have this book republished in ,america1 because she considers it the best of her work previous to ,the ,divine ,fire4 ,it originally appeared with another work in a volume entitled ,two ,sides of a ,question1 a small imported edition of which is now exhausted4 ,,contents ,,chapter ,i4 ,,prologue4--,,miss ,,quincey ,,stops ,,the ,,way ,,ii4 ,,household ,,gods ,,iii4 ,,inaugural ,,addresses ,,iv4 ,,bastian ,,cautley1 ,m4,d4 ,v4 ,,healers ,,and ,,regenerators ,,vi4 ,,spring ,,fashions ,,vii4 ,,under ,a ,,blue ,,moon ,,viii4 ,a ,,painful ,,misunderstanding ,,ix4 ,,through ,,the ,,stethoscope ,x4 ,,miss ,,quincey ,,stands ,,back ,,xi4 ,,dr4 ,,cautley ,,sends ,,in ,,his ,,bill ,,xii4 ,,epilogue4--,,the ,,man ,,and ,,the ,,woman ,,superseded ,,chapter ,i ,prologue4--,miss ,quincey ,stops the ,way ,stand back1 ,miss ,quincey1 if you please4 ,the school was filing out along the main corridor of ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,it came with a tramp and a rustle and a hiss and a tramp1 urged to a trot by the excited teachers4 ,the ,first ,division first1 half-woman1 carrying itself smoothly1 with a swish of its long skirts1 with a blush1 a dreamy intellectual smile1 or a steadfast impenetrable air1 as it happened to be more or less conscious of the presence of the ,head4 ,then the ,second ,division1 light-hearted1 irrepressible1 making a noise with its feet1 loose hair flapping1 pig-tails flopping to the beat of its march4 ,then the straggling1 diminishing lines of the ,third1 a froth of white pinafores1 a confusion of legs1 black or tan1 staggering1 shifting1 shuffling in a frantic effort to keep time4 ,on it came in a waving stream2 a stream that flickered with innumerable eyes1 a stream that rippled with the wind of its own flowing1 that flushed and paled and brightened as some flower-face was tossed upwards1 or some crest1 flame-coloured or golden1 flung back the light4 ,a stream that was one in its rhythm and in the sex that was its soul1 obscurely or luminously feminine2 it might have been a single living thing that throbbed and undulated1 as girl after girl gave out the radiance and pulsation of her youth4 ,the effect was overpowering2 your senses judged ,st4 ,sidwell's by these brilliant types that gave life and colour to the stream4 ,the rest were nowhere4 ,so at least it seemed to ,miss ,cursiter1 the ,head4 ,that tall1 lean1 iron-grey ,dignity stood at the cross junction of two corridors1 talking to ,miss ,rhoda ,vivian1 the new ,classical ,mistress4 ,and while she talked she watched her girls as a general watches his columns wheeling into action4 ,a dangerous spot that meeting of the corridors4 ,there the procession doubles the corner at a swinging curve1 and there1 time it as she would1 the little arithmetic teacher was doomed to fall foul of the procession4 ,daily ,miss ,quincey thought to dodge the line2 daily it caught her at the disastrous corner4 ,then ,miss ,quincey1 desperate under the eye of the ,head1 would try to rush the thing1 with ridiculous results4 ,and ,fate or the ,order of the day contrived that ,miss ,cursiter should always be there to witness her confusion4 ,nothing escaped ,miss ,cursiter2 if her face grew tender for the young girls and the eight-year-olds1 at the sight of ,miss ,quincey it stiffened into tolerance1 cynically braced to bear4 ,miss ,cursiter had an eye for magnificence of effect1 and the unseemly impact of ,miss ,quincey was apt to throw the lines into disorder1 demoralising the younger units and ruining the spectacle as a whole4 ,to-day it made the new ,classical ,mistress smile1 and somehow that smile annoyed ,miss ,cursiter4 ,she1 ,miss ,quincey1 was a little dry1 brown woman1 with a soft pinched mouth1 and a dejected nose4 ,so small and insignificant was she that she might have crept along for ever unnoticed but for her punctuality in obstruction4 ,as ,st4 ,sidwell's prided itself on the brilliance and efficiency of its staff1 the wonder was how ,miss ,quincey came to be there1 but there she had been for five-and-twenty years4 ,she seemed to have stiffened into her place4 ,five-and-twenty years ago she had been arithmetic teacher1 vaguely attached to the ,second ,division1 and she was arithmetic teacher still4 ,miss ,quincey was going on for fifty2 she had out-lived the old ,head1 and now she was the oldest teacher there1 twice as old as ,miss ,vivian1 the new ,classical ,mistress1 older1 far older than ,miss ,cursiter4 ,she had found her way into ,st4 ,sidwell's1 not because she was brilliant or efficient1 but because her younger sister ,louisa already held an important post there4 ,louisa was brilliant and efficient enough for anybody1 so brilliant and so efficient that the glory of it rested on her family4 ,and when she married the ,greek master and went away ,juliana stayed on as a matter of course1 wearing a second-hand aureole of scholarship and supporting a tradition4 ,she stayed on and taught arithmetic for one thing4 ,and when she was not teaching arithmetic1 she was giving little dictations1 setting little themes1 controlling some fifty young and very free translators of ,le ,philosophe sous les ,toils4 ,miss ,quincey had a passion for figures and for everything that could be expressed in figures4 ,not a pure passion1 nothing to do with the higher mathematics1 which is the love of the soul1 but an affection sadly alloyed with baser matter1 with rods and perches1 firkins and hogsheads1 and articles out of the grocer's shop4 ,among these objects ,miss ,quincey's imagination ran voluptuous riot4 ,but upon such things as history or poetry she had a somewhat blighting influence4 ,the flowers in the school ,anthology withered under her fingers1 and the flesh and blood of heroes crumbled into the dust of dates4 ,as for the philosopher under the roofs1 who he was1 and what was his philosophy1 and how he ever came to be under the roofs at all1 nobody in ,st4 ,sidwell's ever knew or ever cared to know2 ,miss ,quincey had made him eternally uninteresting4 ,yet ,miss ,quincey's strength was in her limitations4 ,it was the strength of unreasoning but undying conviction4 ,nothing could shake her belief in the supreme importance of arithmetic and the majesty of its elementary rules4 ,pale and persistent and intolerably meek1 she hammered hard facts into the brain with a sort of muffled stroke1 hammered till the hardest stuck by reason of their hardness1 for she was a teacher of the old school4 ,thus in her own way she made her mark4 ,among the other cyphers1 the irrelevant and insignificant figure of ,miss ,quincey was indelibly engraved on many an immortal soul4 ,there was a curious persistency about ,miss ,quincey4 ,miss ,quincey was not exactly popular4 ,the younger teachers pronounced her cut and dried2 for dryness1 conscientiously acquired1 passed for her natural condition4 ,nobody knew that it cost her much effort and industry to be so stiff and starched2 that the starch had to be put on fresh every morning2 that it was quite a business getting up her limp little personality for the day4 ,in five-and-twenty years1 owing to an incurable malady of shyness1 she had never made friends with any of her pupils4 ,her one exception proved her rule4 ,miss ,quincey seemed to have gone out of her way to attract that odious little ,laura ,lazarus1 who was known at ,st4 ,sidwell's as the ,mad ,hatter4 ,at fourteen1 being still incapable of adding two and two together1 the ,mad ,hatter had been told off into an idiot's class by herself for arithmetic2 and ,miss ,quincey1 because she was so meek and patient and persistent1 was told off to teach her4 ,the child1 a queer1 ugly little pariah1 half-,jew1 half-,cockney1 held all other girls in abhorrence1 and was avoided by them with an equal loathing4 ,she seemed to have attached herself to the unpopular teacher out of sheer perversity and malignant contempt of public opinion4 ,abandoned in their corner1 with their heads bent together over the sums1 the two outsiders clung to each other in a common misery and isolation4 ,miss ,quincey was well aware that she was of no account at ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,she supposed that it was because she had never taken her degree4 ,to be sure she had never tried to take it2 but it was by no means certain that she could have taken it if she had tried4 ,she was not clever2 ,louisa had carried off all the brains and the honours of the family4 ,it had been considered unnecessary for ,juliana to develop an individuality of her own2 enough for her that she belonged to ,louisa1 and was known as ,louisa's sister4 ,louisa's sister was a part of ,louisa2 ,louisa was a part of ,st4 ,sidwell's ,college1 ,regent's ,park2 and ,st4 ,sidwell's ,college1 ,regent's ,park1 was a part--no1 ,st4 ,sidwell's was the whole2 it was the glorious world4 ,miss ,quincey had never seen1 or even desired to see any other4 ,that college was to her a place of exquisite order and light4 ,light that was filtered through the high tilted windows1 and reflected from a prevailing background of green tiles and honey-white pine1 from countless rows of shining desks and from hundreds of young faces4 ,light1 the light of ideas1 that streamed from the platform in the great hall where three times in the year ,miss ,cursiter gave her address to the students and teachers of ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,now ,miss ,cursiter was a pioneer at war with the past1 a woman of vast ambitions1 a woman with a system and an end2 and she chose her instruments finely1 toiling early and late to increase their brilliance and efficiency4 ,she was new to ,st4 ,sidwell's1 and would have liked to make a clean sweep of the old staff and to fill their places with women like ,rhoda ,vivian1 young and magnificent and strong4 ,as it was1 she had been weeding them out gradually1 as opportunity arose2 and the new staff1 modern to its finger-tips1 was all but complete and perfect now4 ,only ,miss ,quincey remained4 ,st4 ,sidwell's in the weeding time had not been a bed of roses for ,miss ,cursiter1 and ,miss ,quincey1 blameless but incompetent1 was a thorn in her side1 a thorn that stuck4 ,impossible to remove ,miss ,quincey quickly1 she was so very blameless and she worked so hard4 ,she worked from nine till one in the morning1 from two-thirty till four-thirty in the afternoon1 and from six-thirty in the evening till any hour in the night4 ,she worked with the desperate zeal of the superseded who knows that she holds her post on sufferance1 the terrified tenacity of the middle-aged who feels behind her the swift-footed rivalry of youth4 ,and the more she worked the more she annoyed ,miss ,cursiter4 ,so now1 above all the tramping and shuffling and hissing1 you heard the self-restrained and slightly metallic utterance of the ,head4 ,stand back1 ,miss ,quincey1 if you please4 ,and ,miss ,quincey stood back1 flattening herself against the wall1 and the procession passed her by1 rosy1 resonant1 exulting1 a triumph of life4 ,,chapter ,,ii ,household ,gods ,punctually at four-thirty ,miss ,quincey vanished from the light of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 ,regent's ,park1 into the obscurity of ,camden ,town4 ,camden ,town is full of little houses standing back in side streets1 houses with porticoed front doors monstrously disproportioned to their size4 ,nobody ever knocks at those front doors2 nobody ever passes down those side streets if they can possibly help it4 ,the houses are all exactly alike2 they melt and merge into each other in dingy perspective1 each with its slag-bordered six foot of garden uttering a faint suburban protest against the advances of the pavement4 ,miss ,quincey lived in half of one of them 7number ninety1 ,camden ,street ,north7 with her old aunt ,mrs4 ,moon and their old servant ,martha4 ,she had lived there five-and-twenty years1 ever since the death of her uncle4 ,tollington ,moon had been what his family called unfortunate2 that is to say1 he had mislaid the greater portion of his wife's money and the whole of ,juliana's and ,louisa's2 he1 poor fellow1 had none of his own to lose4 ,uncle ,tollington1 being the only male representative of the family1 had been appointed to drive the family coach4 ,he was a genial good-natured fellow and he cheerfully agreed1 declaring that there was nothing in the world he liked better than driving2 though indeed he had had but little practice in the art4 ,so they started with a splendid flourishing of whips and blowing of horns2 ,tollington driving at a furious break-neck pace in a manner highly diverting and exhilarating to the ladies inside4 ,the girls 7they were girls in those days7 sat tight and felt no fear1 while ,mrs4 ,moon1 with her teeth shaking1 explained to them the advantages of having so expert a driver on the box seat4 ,of course there came the inevitable smash at the corner4 ,the three climbed out of that coach more dead than alive2 but they uttered no complaints2 they had had their fun2 and in accidents of this kind the poor driver generally gets the worst of it4 ,mrs4 ,moon at any rate found consolation in disaster by steadily ignoring its most humiliating features4 ,secure in the new majesty of her widowhood1 she faced her nieces with an unflinching air and demanded of them eternal belief in the wisdom and rectitude of their uncle ,tollington4 ,she hoped that they would never forget him1 never forget what he had to bear1 never forget all he had done for them4 ,her attitude reduced ,juliana to tears2 in ,louisa it roused the instinct of revolt1 and ,louisa was for separating from ,mrs4 ,moon4 ,it was then1 in her first difference from ,louisa1 that ,miss ,quincey's tender and foolish little face acquired its strangely persistent air4 ,hitherto the elder had served the younger2 now she took her stand4 ,she said1 ,whatever we do1 we must keep together2 and she professed her willingness to believe in her uncle ,tollington and remember him for ever4 ,to this ,louisa1 who prided herself on speaking the truth or at any rate her mind1 replied that she wasn't likely to forget him in a hurry2 that her uncle ,tollington had ruined her life1 and she did not want to be reminded of him any more than she could help4 ,moreover1 she found her aunt ,moon's society depressing4 ,she meant to get on and be independent2 and she advised ,juliana to do the same4 ,juliana did not press the point1 for it was a delicate one1 seeing that ,louisa was earning a hundred and twenty pounds a year and she but eighty4 ,so she added her eighty pounds to her aunt's eighty and went to live with her in ,camden ,street ,north1 while ,louisa shrugged her shoulders and carried herself and her salary elsewhere4 ,there was very little room for ,mrs4 ,moon and ,juliana at number ninety4 ,the poor souls had crowded themselves out with relics of their past1 a pathetic salvage1 dragged hap-hazard from the wreck in the first frenzy of preservation4 ,dreadful things in marble and gilt and in papier-mach inlaid with mother-o'-pearl1 rickety work tables with pouches underneath them1 banner-screens in silk and footstools in ,berlin wool-work fought with each other and with ,juliana for standing-room4 ,for ,juliana1 with her genius for collision1 was always knocking up against them1 always getting in their way4 ,in return1 ,juliana's place at an oblique angle of the fireside was disputed by a truculent cabinet with bandy legs4 ,there was a never-ending quarrel between ,juliana and that piece of furniture1 in which ,mrs4 ,moon took the part of the furniture4 ,her own world had shrunk to a square yard between the window and the fire4 ,there she sat and dreamed among her household gods1 smiling now and then under the spell of the dream1 or watched her companion with critical disapproval4 ,she had accepted ,juliana's devotion as a proper sacrifice to the gods2 but for ,juliana1 or ,louisa for the matter of that1 she seemed to have but little affection4 ,if anything ,louisa was her favourite4 ,louisa was better company1 to begin with2 and ,louisa1 with her cleverness and her salary and her general air of indifference and prosperity1 raised no questions4 ,besides1 ,louisa was married4 ,but ,juliana1 toiling from morning till night for her eighty pounds a year2 ,juliana1 painful and persistent1 growing into middle-age without a hope1 ,juliana was an incarnate reproach1 a perpetual monument to the folly of ,tollington ,moon4 ,juliana disturbed her dream4 ,but nobody else disturbed it1 for nobody ever came to their half of the house in ,camden ,street ,north4 ,louisa used to come and go in a brief perfunctory manner2 but ,louisa had married the ,greek professor and gone away for good1 and her friends at ,st4 ,sidwell's were not likely to waste their time in cultivating ,juliana and ,mrs4 ,moon4 ,the thing had been tried by one or two of the younger teachers who went in for all-round self-development and were getting up the minor virtues4 ,but they had met with no encouragement and they had ceased to come4 ,then nobody came2 not even the doctor or the clergyman4 ,the two ladies were of one mind on that point2 it was convenient for them to ignore their trifling ailments1 spiritual or bodily4 ,and as soon as they saw that the world renounced them they adopted a lofty tone and said to each other that they had renounced the world4 ,for they were proud1 ,mrs4 ,moon especially so4 ,tollington ,moon had married slightly1 ever so slightly beneath him1 the ,moons again marking a faint descent from the standing of the ,quinceys4 ,but the old lady had completely identified herself1 not only with the ,moons1 but with the higher branch1 which she always spoke of as my family4 ,in fact she had worn her connection with the ,quinceys as a feather in her cap so long that the feather had grown1 as it were1 into an entire bird of paradise4 ,and once a bird of paradise1 always a bird of paradise1 though it had turned on the world a somewhat dilapidated tail4 ,so the two lived on together2 so they had always lived4 ,mrs4 ,moon was an old woman before she was five-and-fifty2 and before she was five-and-twenty ,juliana's youth had withered away in the sour and sordid atmosphere born of perishing gentility and acrid personal remark4 ,and their household gods looked down on them1 miniatures and silhouettes of ,moons and ,quinceys1 calm and somewhat contemptuous presences4 ,from the post of honour above the mantelshelf1 ,tollington1 attired as an ,early ,victorian dandy1 splendid in velvet waistcoat1 scarf and chain-pin1 leaned on a broken column symbolical of his fortunes1 and smiled genially on the ruin he had made4 ,that was how ,miss ,quincey came to ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,and now she was five-and-forty2 she had always been five-and-forty2 that is to say1 she had never been young1 for to be young you must be happy4 ,and this was so far an advantage1 that when middle-age came on her she felt no difference4 ,,chapter ,,iii ,inaugural ,addresses ,it was evening1 early in the winter term1 and ,miss ,cursiter was giving her usual inaugural address to the staff4 ,their number had increased so considerably that the little class-room was packed to overflowing4 ,miss ,cursiter stood in the free space at the end1 facing six rows of eager faces arranged in the form of a horse-shoe4 ,she looked upon them and smiled2 she joyed with the joy of the creator who sees his idea incarnate before him4 ,a striking figure1 ,miss ,cursiter4 ,tall1 academic and austere2 a keen eagle head crowned with a mass of iron-grey hair2 grey-black eyes burning under a brow of ashen grey2 an intelligence fervent with fire of the enthusiast1 cold with the renunciant's frost4 ,such was ,miss ,cursiter4 ,she was in splendid force to-day1 grappling like an athlete with her enormous theme--,the ,educational ,advantages of ,general ,culture4 ,she delivered her address with an utterance rapid but distinct1 keeping one eye on the reporter and the other on ,miss ,rhoda ,vivian1 ,m4,a4 ,she might well look to ,rhoda ,vivian4 ,if she had needed a foil for her own commanding personality1 she had found it there4 ,but the new ,classical ,mistress was something more than ,miss ,cursiter's complement4 ,nature1 usually so economical1 not to say parsimonious1 seemed to have made her for her own delight1 in a fit of reckless extravagance4 ,she had given her a brilliant and efficient mind in a still more brilliant and efficient body1 clothed her in all the colours of life2 made her a creature of ardent and elemental beauty4 ,rhoda ,vivian had brown hair with sparkles of gold in it and flakes of red fire2 her eyes were liquid grey1 the grey of water2 her lips were full1 and they pouted a little proudly2 it was the pride of life4 ,and she had other gifts which did not yet appear at ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,there was something about her still plastic and unformed2 you could not say whether it was the youth of genius1 or only the genius of youth4 ,but at three-and-twenty she had chosen her path1 and gone far on it1 and it had been honours all the way4 ,she went up and down at ,st4 ,sidwell's1 adored and unadoring1 kindling the fire of a secret worship4 ,in any other place1 with any other woman at the head of it1 such a vivid individuality might have proved fatal to her progress4 ,but ,miss ,cursiter was too original herself not to perceive the fine uses of originality4 ,all her hopes for the future were centred in ,rhoda ,vivian4 ,she looked below that brilliant surface and saw in her the ideal leader of young womanhood4 ,rhoda was a force that could strike fire from a stone2 what she wanted she was certain to get2 she seemed to compel work from the laziest and intelligence from the dullest by the mere word of her will4 ,what was more1 her nature was too large for vanity2 she held her worshippers at arm's length and consecrated her power of personal seduction to strictly intellectual ends4 ,at the end of her first term her position was second only to the ,head4 ,if ,miss ,cursiter was the will and intelligence of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 ,rhoda ,vivian was its subtle poetry and its soul4 ,and ,miss ,cursiter meant to keep her there2 being a woman who made all sacrifices and demanded them4 ,so now1 while ,miss ,cursiter stood explaining1 ostensibly to the entire staff1 the unique advantages of ,general ,culture1 it was to ,rhoda ,vivian as to a supreme audience that she addressed her deeper thought and her finer phrase4 ,if ,miss ,cursiter had not had to consult her notes now and again1 she must have seen that ,rhoda ,vivian's mind was wandering1 that the ,classical ,mistress was if anything more interested in her companions than in the noble utterances of the ,head4 ,as her grey eyes swept the tiers of faces1 they lingered on that corner where ,miss ,quincey seemed perpetually striving to suppress1 consume1 and utterly obliterate herself4 ,and each time she smiled1 as she had smiled earlier in the day when first she saw ,miss ,quincey4 ,for ,miss ,quincey was there1 far back in the ranks of the brilliant and efficient4 ,note-book on desk1 she followed the quick march of thought with a fatigued and stumbling brain4 ,she was painfully1 ludicrously out of step2 yet to judge by the light that shone now and then in her eyes1 by the smile that played about the corners of her weak1 tender mouth1 she too had caught the sympathetic rapture1 the intellectual thrill4 ,ready to drop was ,miss ,quincey1 but she would not have missed that illuminating hour1 not if you had paid her--three times her salary4 ,it was her one glimpse of the larger life2 her one point of contact with the ideal4 ,her pencil staggered over her note-book as ,miss ,cursiter flamed and lightened in her peroration4 ,we have looked at our subject in the light of the ideals by which and for which we live4 ,let us now turn to the practical side of the matter1 as it touches our business and our bosoms4 ,do not say we have no room for poetry in our crowded days4 ,a score of weary heads looked up2 there was a vague inquiry in all eyes4 ,you have your evenings--all of you4 ,much can be done with evenings2 if your training has done nothing else for you it has taught you the economy of time4 ,you are tired in the evenings1 yes4 ,but the poets1 ,shakespeare1 ,tennyson1 and ,browning1 are the great healers and regenerators of worn-out humanity4 ,when you are faint and weary with your day's work1 the best thing you can do is to rise and refresh yourselves at the living wells of literature4 ,long before the closing sentence ,miss ,quincey's ,,ms4 had become a sightless blur4 ,but she had managed to jot down in her neat arithmetical way3 ,poets healers and regenerators4 ,the address was printed and a copy was given to each member of the staff4 ,miss ,quincey treasured up hers as a priceless scripture4 ,miss ,quincey was aware of her shortcomings and had struggled hard to mend them1 toiling pantingly after those younger ones who had attained the standard of brilliance and efficiency4 ,she joined the ,teachers' ,debating ,society4 ,not that she debated4 ,she had once put some elementary questions in an inaudible voice1 and had been requested to speak a little louder1 whereupon she sank into her seat and spoke no more4 ,but she heard a great deal4 ,about the emancipation of women2 about the women's labour market2 about the doors that were now thrown open to women4 ,she was told that all they wanted was a fair field and no favour4 7,the speaker1 a rosy-cheeked child of one-and-twenty1 was quite violent in her repudiation of favour47 ,and ,miss ,quincey believed it all1 though she understood very little about it4 ,but it was illumination1 a new gospel to her1 this doctrine of ,general ,culture2 it was the large easy-fitting formula which she had seemed to need4 ,with touching simplicity she determined to follow the course recommended by the ,head4 ,though by the time she had corrected some seventy manuscripts in marble-backed covers1 and prepared her lesson for the next day1 she had nothing but the fag-end of her brain to give to the healers and regenerators2 as for rising1 ,miss ,quincey felt much more like going to bed1 and it was as much as she could do to drag her poor little body there4 ,still ,miss ,quincey was nothing if not heroic2 night after night twelve o'clock would find her painfully trying to draw water from the wells of literature4 ,she had begun upon ,browning2 set herself to read through the whole of ,sordello from beginning to end4 ,it is as easy as a sum in arithmetic if you don't bother your head too much about the ,guelphs and ,ghibellines and the metaphors and things1 and if you take it in short fits1 say three pages every evening4 ,never any more1 or you might go to sleep and forget all about it2 never any less1 or you would have bad arrears4 ,as there are exactly two hundred and thirteen pages1 she calculated that she would finish it in ten weeks and a day4 ,there was no place for ,miss ,quincey and her pile of marble-backed exercise-books in the dim and dingy first-floor drawing-room 7,mrs4 ,moon and the bandy-legged cabinet would have had something to say to that74 ,all this terrific intellectual travail went on in a dimmer and dingier dining-room beneath it4 ,then one night1 old ,martha1 disturbed by sounds that came from ,miss ,juliana's bedroom1 groped her way fumblingly in and found ,miss ,juliana sitting up in her sleep and posing the darkness with a problem4 ,if1 said ,miss ,juliana1 three men can finish one hundred and nineteen hogsheads of ,browning in eight weeks1 how long will it take seven women to finish a thousand and forty-five--forty-five--forty-five1 if one woman works twice as hard as eleven men8 ,martha shook her head and went fumbling back to bed again2 and being a conscientious servant she said nothing about it for fear of frightening the old lady4 ,about a fortnight later1 ,rhoda ,vivian1 sailing down the corridor1 came upon the little arithmetic teacher all sick and tremulous1 leaning up against the hot-water pipes beside a pile of exercise-books4 ,the sweat streamed from her sallow forehead1 and her face was white and drawn4 ,she could give no rational account of herself1 but offered two hypotheses as equally satisfactory2 either she had taken a bad chill1 or else the hot air from the water-pipes had turned her faint4 ,rhoda picked up the pile of exercise-books and led her into the dressing-room1 and ,miss ,quincey was docile and ridiculously grateful4 ,she was glad that ,miss ,vivian was going to take her home4 ,she even smiled her little pinched smile and pressed ,rhoda's hand as she said1 ,a friend in need is a friend indeed4 ,rhoda would have given anything to be able to return the pressure and the sentiment1 but ,rhoda was too desperately sincere4 ,she was sorry for ,miss ,quincey2 but all her youth1 unfettered and unfeeling1 revolted from the bond of friendship4 ,so she only stooped and laced up the shabby boots1 and fastened the thin cape by its solitary button4 ,the touch of ,miss ,quincey's clothes thrilled her with a pang of pity1 and she could have wept over the unutterable pathos of her hat4 ,in form and substance it was a rock1 beaten by the weather2 its limp ribbons clung to it like seaweed washed up and abandoned by the tide4 ,when ,miss ,quincey's head was inside it the hat seemed to become one with ,miss ,quincey2 you could not conceive anything more melancholy and forlorn4 ,rhoda was beautifully attired in pale grey cloth4 ,rhoda wore golden sables about her throat1 and a big black ,gainsborough hat on the top of her head1 a hat that ,miss ,quincey would have thought a little daring and theatrical on anybody else2 but ,rhoda wore it and looked like a ,puritan princess4 ,rhoda's clothes were enough to show that she was a woman for whom a profession is a superfluity1 a luxury4 ,rhoda sent for a hansom1 and having left ,miss ,quincey at her home went off in search of a doctor4 ,she had insisted on a doctor1 in spite of ,miss ,quincey's protestations4 ,after exploring a dozen dingy streets and conceiving a deep disgust for ,camden ,town1 she walked back to find her man in the neighbourhood of ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,,chapter ,,iv ,bastian ,cautley1 ,m4,d4 ,it was half-past five and ,dr4 ,bastian ,cautley had put on his house jacket1 loosened his waistcoat1 settled down by his library fire with a pipe and a book1 and was thanking ,heaven that for once he had an hour to himself between his afternoon round and his time for consultation4 ,he had been working hard ever since nine o'clock in the morning2 but now nobody could have looked more superlatively lazy than ,bastian ,cautley as he stretched himself on two armchairs in an attitude of reckless ease4 ,his very intellect 7the most unrestful part of him7 was at rest2 all his weary being merged in a confused voluptuous sensation1 a beatific state in which smoking became a higher kind of thinking1 and thought betrayed an increasing tendency to end in smoke4 ,the room was double-walled with book-shelves1 and but for the far away underground humming of a happy maidservant the house was soundless4 ,he rejoiced to think that there was not a soul in it above stairs to disturb his deep tranquility4 ,at six o'clock he would have to take his legs off that chair1 and get into a frock-coat2 once in the frock-coat he would become another man1 all patience and politeness4 ,after six there would be no pipe and no peace for him1 but the knocking and ringing at his front door would go on incessantly till seven-thirty4 ,there was flattery in every knock1 for it meant that ,dr4 ,cautley was growing eminent1 and that at the ridiculously early age of nine-and-twenty4 ,there was a sharp ring now4 ,he turned wearily in his chairs4 ,there's another damned patient1 said ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,he was really so eminent that he could afford to think blasphemously of patients2 and he had no love for those who came to consult him before their time4 ,he sat up with his irritable nerves on edge4 ,the servant was certainly letting somebody in1 and from the soft rustling sounds in the hall he gathered that somebody was a woman2 much patience and much politeness would then be required of him1 and he was feeling anything but patient and polite4 ,miss ,rhoda ,vivian was the name on the card that was brought to him4 ,he did not know ,miss ,rhoda ,vivian4 ,the gas-jets were turned low in the consulting-room2 when he raised them he saw a beautiful woman standing by the fire in an attitude of impatience4 ,he had kept her waiting2 and it seemed that this adorable person knew the value of time4 ,she was not going to waste words either4 ,as it was impossible to associate her with the ordinary business of the place1 he was prepared for her terse and lucid statement of somebody else's case4 ,he said he would look round early in the morning 7,miss ,vivian looked dissatisfied72 or perhaps that evening 7,miss ,vivian was dubious72 or possibly at once 7,miss ,vivian smiled in hurried approval74 ,she was eager to be gone4 ,and when she had gone he stood deliberating4 ,miss ,quincey was a pathological abstraction1 ,miss ,vivian was a radiant reality2 it was clear that ,miss ,quincey was not urgent1 and that once safe in her bed she could very well wait till to-morrow2 but when he thought of ,miss ,vivian he became impressed with the gravity and interest of ,miss ,quincey's case4 ,while the doctor was making up his mind1 little ,miss ,quincey1 in her shabby back bedroom1 lay waiting for him1 trembling1 fretting her nerves into a fever1 starting at imaginary footsteps1 and entertaining all kinds of dismal possibilities4 ,she was convinced that she was going to die1 or worse still1 to break down1 to be a perpetual invalid4 ,she thought of several likely illnesses1 beginning with general paralysis and ending with anemia of the brain4 ,it might be anemia of the brain1 but she rather thought it would be general paralysis1 because this would be so much the more disagreeable of the two4 ,anyhow ,rhoda ,vivian must have thought she was pretty bad or she would not have called in a doctor4 ,to call in a doctor seemed to ,miss ,quincey next door to invoking ,providence itself2 it was the final desperate resort1 implying catastrophe and the end of all things4 ,oh1 dear6 ,miss ,quincey wished he would come up if he was coming1 and get it over4 ,after all he did not keep her waiting long1 and it was over in five minutes4 ,and yet it was amazing the amount of observation1 and insight1 and solid concentrated thought the young man contrived to pack into those five minutes4 ,well--it seemed that it was not general paralysis this time1 nor yet anemia of the brain2 but he could tell her more about it in the morning4 ,meanwhile she had nothing to do but to do what he told her and stay where she was till he saw her again4 ,and he was gone before she realized that he had been there4 ,again8 ,so he was coming again1 was he8 ,miss ,quincey did not know whether to be glad or sorry4 ,his presence had given her a rare and curiously agreeable sense of protection1 but she had to think of the expense4 ,she had to think too of what ,mrs4 ,moon would say to it--of what she would say to him4 ,mrs4 ,moon had a good deal to say to it4 ,she took ,juliana's illness as a personal affront1 as a deliberate back-handed blow struck at the memory of ,tollington ,moon4 ,with all the base implications of her daily acts1 ,juliana had never attempted anything like this4 ,capers and nonsense1 she said1 ,juliana has never had an illness in her life4 ,she said it to ,rhoda ,vivian1 the bold young person who had taken upon herself to bring the doctor into the house4 ,mrs4 ,moon spoke of the doctor as if he was a disease4 ,fortunately ,miss ,vivian was by when he endured the first terrifying encounter4 ,her manner suggested that she took him under her protection1 stood between him and some unfathomable hostility4 ,he found the ,old ,lady disentangling herself with immense dignity from her maze of furniture4 ,mrs4 ,moon was a small woman shrunk with her eighty years1 shrunk almost to extinction in her black woollen gown and black woollen mittens4 ,her very face seemed to be vanishing under the immense shadow of her black net cap4 ,spirals of thin grey hair stuck flat to her forehead2 she wore other and similar spirals enclosed behind glass in an enormous brooch2 it was the hair of her ancestors1 that is to say of the ,quinceys4 ,as the ,old ,lady looked at ,cautley her little black eyes burned like pinpoints pierced in a paste-board mask4 ,i think you've been brought here on a wild goose chase1 doctor1 said she1 there is nothing the matter with my niece4 ,he replied 7battling sternly with his desire to laugh7 that he would be delighted if it were so2 adding that a wild goose chase was the sport he preferred to any other4 ,here he looked at ,miss ,vivian to the imminent peril of his self-control4 ,mrs4 ,moon's gaze had embraced them in a common condemnation1 and the subtle sympathy of their youth linked them closer and made them one in their intimate appreciation of her4 ,then you must be a very singular young man4 ,i thought you doctors were never happy until you'd found some mare's nest in people's constitutions8 ,you'd much better let well alone4 ,miss ,quincey is very far from well1 said ,cautley with recovered gravity1 and ,i rather fancy she has been let alone too long4 ,cautley thought that he had said quite enough to alarm any old lady4 ,and indeed ,mrs4 ,moon was slowly taking in the idea of disaster1 and it sent her poor wits wandering in the past4 ,her voice sank suddenly from grating2 antagonism to pensive garrulity4 ,i've no faith in medicine1 she quavered1 nor in medical men either4 ,though to be sure my husband had a brother-in-law once on his wife's side1 ,dr4 ,quincey1 ,dr4 ,arnold ,quincey1 ,juliana's father and ,louisa's4 ,he was a medical man4 ,he wrote a book1 ,i daresay you've heard of it2 ,quincey on ,diseases of the ,heart it was4 ,but he's dead now1 of one of 'em1 poor man4 ,we haven't seen a doctor for five-and-twenty years4 ,then isn't it almost time that you should see one now8 said he1 cheerfully taking his leave4 ,i shall look round again in the morning4 ,he looked round again in the morning and sat half an hour with ,miss ,quincey2 so she had time to take a good look at him4 ,he was very nice to look at1 this young man4 ,he was so clean-cut and tall and muscular2 he had such an intellectual forehead2 his mouth was so firm1 you could trust it to tell no secrets2 and his eyes 7they were dark and deep set7 looked as if they saw nothing but ,miss ,quincey4 ,indeed1 at the moment he had forgotten all about ,rhoda ,vivian1 and did see nothing but the little figure in the bed looking more like a rather worn and wizened child than a middle-aged woman4 ,he was very gentle and sympathetic2 but for that his youth would have been terrible to her4 ,as it was1 ,miss ,quincey felt a little bit in awe of this clever doctor1 who in spite of his cleverness looked so young1 and not only so young but so formidably fastidious and refined4 ,she had not expected him to look like that4 ,all the clever young men she had met had displayed a noble contempt for appearances4 ,to be sure1 ,miss ,quincey knew but little of the world of men2 for at ,st4 ,sidwell's the types were limited to three little eccentric professors1 and the plaster gods in the art studio4 ,but for the gods she might just as well have lived in a nunnery1 for whenever ,miss ,quincey thought of a man she thought of something like ,louisa's husband1 ,andrew ,mackinnon1 who spoke with a strong ,scotch accent1 and wore flannel shirts with celluloid collars1 and coats that hung about him all anyhow4 ,but ,dr4 ,cautley was not in the least like ,andrew ,mackinnon4 ,he had a distinguished voice2 his clothes fitted him to perfection2 and his linen1 irreproachable itself1 reproved her silently4 ,her eyes left him suddenly and wandered about the room4 ,she was full of little tremors and agitations2 she wished that the towels wouldn't look so much like dish-cloths2 she credited him with powers of microscopic observation1 and wondered if he had noticed the stain on the carpet and the dust on the book-shelves1 and if he would be likely to mistake the quinine tabloids for vulgar liver pills1 or her bottle of hair-wash for hair-dye4 ,once released from its unnatural labours1 her mind returned instinctively to the trivial as to its home4 ,she glanced at her hat1 perched conspicuously on the knob of the looking-glass1 and a dim sense of its imperfections came over her and vanished as it came4 ,then she tried to compose herself for the verdict4 ,it did not come all at once4 ,first of all he asked her a great many questions about herself and her family1 whereupon she gave him a complete pathological story of the ,moons and ,quinceys4 ,and all the time he looked so hard at her that it was quite embarrassing4 ,his eyes seemed to be taking her in 7no other eyes had ever performed that act of hospitality for ,miss ,quincey74 ,he pulled out a little book from his pocket and made notes of everything she said2 ,miss ,quincey's biography was written in that little book 7you may be sure nobody else had ever thought of writing it74 ,and when he had finished the biography he talked to her about her work 7nobody else had ever been the least interested in ,miss ,quincey's work74 ,then ,miss ,quincey sat up in bed and became lyrical as she described the delirious joy of decimals--recurring decimals--and the rapture of cube-root4 ,she herself had never got farther than cube-root2 but it was enough4 ,beyond that1 she hinted1 lay the infinite4 ,and ,dr4 ,cautley laughed at her defence of the noble science4 ,oh yes1 he could understand its fascination1 its irresistible appeal to the emotions2 he only wished to remind her that it was the most debilitating study in the world4 ,he refused to commit himself to any opinion as to the original strength and magnitude of ,miss ,quincey's brain2 he could only assure her that the most powerful intellect in the world would break down if you kept it perpetually doing sums in arithmetic4 ,it was the monotony of the thing1 you see2 year after year ,miss ,quincey had been ploughing up the same little patch of brain4 ,no1 certainly not--she mustn't think of going back to ,st4 ,sidwell's for another three months4 ,three months6 ,impossible6 ,it was a whole term4 ,dr4 ,cautley scowled horribly and said that if she was ever to be fit for cube-root and decimals again1 she positively and absolutely must4 ,whereupon ,miss ,quincey gave way to emotion4 ,to leave ,st4 ,sidwell's1 abandon her post for three months1 she who had never been absent for a day6 ,if she did that it would be all up with ,miss ,quincey2 a hundred eager applicants were ready to fill her empty place4 ,it was as if she heard the hungry1 leaping pack behind her1 the strong young animals trained for the chase2 they came tearing on the scent1 hunting her1 treading her down4 ,when ,rhoda ,vivian looked in after morning school1 she found a flushed and embarrassed young man trying to soothe ,miss ,quincey1 who paid not the least attention to him2 she seemed to have shrunk into her bed1 and lay there staring with dilated eyes like a hare crouched flat and trembling in her form4 ,from the other side of the bed ,dr4 ,cautley's helpless and desperate smile claimed ,rhoda as his ally4 ,it seemed to say1 ,for ,god's sake take my part against this unreasonable woman4 ,now no one 7not even ,miss ,quincey7 could realize the insecurity of ,miss ,quincey's position better than ,rhoda1 who was fathoms deep in the confidence of the ,head4 ,she happened to know that ,miss ,cursiter was only waiting for an opportunity like this to rid herself for ever of the little obstructive4 ,she knew too that once they had ceased to fill their particular notch in it1 the world had no further use for people like ,miss ,quincey2 that she1 ,rhoda ,vivian1 belonged to the new race whose eternal destiny was to precipitate their doom4 ,it was the first time that ,rhoda had thought of it in that light2 the first time indeed that she had greatly concerned herself with any career beside her own4 ,she sat for a few minutes talking to ,miss ,quincey and thinking as she talked4 ,perhaps she was wondering how she would like to be forty-five and incompetent2 to be overtaken on the terrible middle-way2 to feel the hurrying generations after her1 their breath on her shoulders1 their feet on her heels2 to have no hope2 to see ,mrs4 ,moon sitting before her1 immovable and symbolic1 the image of what she must become4 ,they were two very absurd and diminutive figures1 but they stood for a good deal4 ,to ,cautley1 ,rhoda herself as she revolved these things looked significant enough4 ,leaning forward1 one elbow bent on her knee1 her chin propped on her hand1 her lips pouting1 her forehead knit1 she might have been a young and passionate ,pallas1 brooding tempestuously on the world4 ,miss ,vivian is on my side1 ,i see4 ,i'll leave her to do the fighting4 ,and he left her4 ,rhoda's first movement was to capture ,miss ,quincey's hand as it wildly reconnoitred for a pocket handkerchief among the pillows4 ,don't worry about it1 she said1 ,i'll speak to ,miss ,cursiter4 ,dr4 ,cautley1 enduring a perfunctory five minutes with ,mrs4 ,moon1 could hear ,miss ,vivian running downstairs and the front door opening and closing upon her4 ,with a little haste and discretion he managed to overtake her before she had gone very far4 ,he stopped to give his verdict on her friend4 ,she had expected him4 ,well1 she asked1 it is overwork1 isn't it8 ,very much overwork2 and no wonder4 ,i knew she was a ,st4 ,sidwell's woman as soon as ,i saw her4 ,that was clever of you4 ,and do you always know a ,st4 ,sidwell's woman when you see one8 ,i do2 they all go like this1 more or less4 ,it seems to me that ,st4 ,sidwell's sacrifices its women to its girls1 and its girls to itself4 ,i don't imagine you've much to do with the place1 so you won't mind my saying so4 ,rhoda smiled a little maliciously4 ,you seem to take a great deal for granted4 ,as it happens ,i am ,classical ,mistress there4 ,dr4 ,cautley looked at her and bit his lip4 ,he was annoyed with himself for his blunder and with her for being anything but ,rhoda ,vivian--pure and simple4 ,rhoda laughed frankly at his confusion4 ,never mind4 ,appearances are deceitful4 ,i'm glad ,i don't look like it4 ,you certainly do not4 ,still1 ,miss ,quincey is a warning to anybody4 ,she8 ,she was never fit for the life4 ,no4 ,your race is to the swift and your battle to the strong4 ,he was still looking at her as he spoke4 ,she was looking straight before her1 her nostrils slightly distended1 her grey eyes wide1 as if she sniffed the battle1 saw the goal4 ,we must make her strong1 said he4 ,she had quickened her pace as if under a renewed impulse of energy and will4 ,suddenly at the door of the ,college she stopped and held out her hand4 ,you will look after her well1 will you not8 ,her voice was resonant on the note of appeal4 ,now you could withstand ,rhoda in her domineering mood if you were strong enough and cool enough2 but when she looked straight through your eyes in that way she was irresistible4 ,cautley did not attempt to resist her4 ,he went on his way thinking how intolerable the question might have been in some one else's mouth2 how suggestive of impertinent coquetry1 the beautiful woman's assumption that he would do for her what he would not do for insignificant ,miss ,quincey4 ,she had taken it for granted that his interest in ,miss ,quincey was supreme4 ,,chapter ,v ,healers and ,regenerators ,rhoda had spoken to ,miss ,cursiter4 ,nobody ever knew what she said to her1 but the next day ,miss ,cursiter's secretary had the pleasure to inform ,miss ,quincey that she would have leave of absence for three months1 and that her place would be kept for her4 ,miss ,quincey had become a person of importance4 ,old ,martha fumbled about1 unnaturally attentive1 even ,mrs4 ,moon acknowledged ,juliana's right to be ill if her foolish mind were set on it4 ,there was nothing active or spontaneous in the ,old ,lady's dislike of her niece1 it was simply a habit she had got4 ,an agreeable sense of her dignity stole in on the little woman of no account4 ,she knew and everybody knew that hers was no vulgar illness4 ,it was brain exhaustion2 altogether a noble and transcendental affair2 ,miss ,quincey was a victim of the intellectual life4 ,in all the five-and-twenty years she had worked there ,st4 ,sidwell's had never heard so much about ,miss ,quincey's brain4 ,and on her part ,miss ,quincey was surprised to find that she had so many friends4 ,day after day the teachers left their cards and sympathy2 the girls sent flowers with love2 there were even messages of inquiry from ,miss ,cursiter4 ,and not only flowers and sympathy1 but more solid testimonials poured in from ,st4 ,sidwell's1 parcels which by some curious coincidence contained everything that ,dr4 ,cautley had suggested and ,miss ,quincey refused on the grounds that she couldn't fancy it4 ,for a long time ,miss ,quincey was supremely happy in the belief that these delicacies were sent by the ,head2 and she said to herself that one had only to be laid aside a little while for one's worth to be appreciated4 ,it was as if a veil of blessed illusion had been spread between her and her world2 and nobody knew whose fingers had been busy in weaving it so close and fine4 ,dr4 ,cautley came every day and always at the same time4 ,at first he was pretty sure to find ,miss ,vivian1 sitting with ,miss ,quincey or drinking tea in perilous intimacy with ,mrs4 ,moon4 ,then came a long spell when1 time it as he would1 he never saw her at all4 ,rhoda had taken it into her head to choose six o'clock for her visits1 and at six he was bound to be at home for consultations4 ,but ,rhoda or no ,rhoda1 he kept his promise4 ,he was looking well after ,miss ,quincey4 ,he would have done that as a matter of course2 for his worst enemies--and he had several--could not say that ,cautley ever neglected his poorer patients4 ,only he concentrated or dissipated himself according to the nature of the case1 giving five minutes to one and twenty to another4 ,when he could he gave half-hours to ,miss ,quincey4 ,he was absorbed1 excited2 he battled by her bedside2 his spirits went up and down with every fluctuation of her pulse2 you would have thought that ,miss ,quincey's case was one of exquisite interest1 rarity and charm1 and that ,cautley had staked his reputation on her recovery4 ,when he said to her in his emphatic way1 ,we must get you well1 ,miss ,quincey1 his manner implied that it would be a very serious thing for the universe if ,miss ,quincey did not get well4 ,when he looked at her his eyes seemed to be taking her in1 taking her in1 seeing nothing in all the world but her4 ,as it happened1 sooner than anybody expected ,miss ,quincey did get well4 ,mrs4 ,moon was the first to notice that4 ,she hailed ,juliana's recovery as a sign of grace1 of returning allegiance to the memory of ,tollington ,moon4 ,now1 said the ,old ,lady1 ,i hope we've seen the last of ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,of course we have1 said ,miss ,quincey4 ,she said it irritably1 but everybody knows that a little temper is the surest symptom of returning health4 ,what should he come for8 ,to run up his little bill1 my dear4 ,you don't imagine he comes for the pleasure of seeing you8 ,i never imagine anything1 said the little arithmetic teacher with some truth4 ,but they had by no means seen the last of him4 ,if the ,old ,lady's theory was correct1 ,cautley must have been the most grossly avaricious of young men4 ,the length of his visits was infamous1 their frequency appalling4 ,he kept on coming long after ,miss ,quincey was officially and obviously well2 and on the most trivial1 the most ridiculous pretexts4 ,it was just to see how she was getting on1 or because he happened to be passing1 or to bring that book he told her about4 ,he had prescribed a course of light literature for ,miss ,quincey and seemed to think it necessary to supply his own drugs4 ,to be sure he brought a great many medicines that you cannot get made up at the chemist's1 insight1 understanding1 sympathy1 the tonic of his own virile youth2 and ,heaven only knows if these things were not the most expensive4 ,all the time ,miss ,quincey was trying to keep up with the new standard imposed on the staff4 ,hitherto she had laboured under obvious disadvantages2 now1 in her leisurely convalescence1 sated as she was with time1 she wallowed openly and wantonly in ,general ,culture4 ,and it seemed that the doctor had gone in for ,general ,culture too4 ,he could talk to her for ever about ,shakespeare1 ,tennyson and ,browning4 ,miss ,quincey was always dipping into those poets now1 always drawing water from the wells of literature4 ,by the way1 she was head over heels in debt to ,sordello1 and was working double time to pay him off4 ,she reported her progress with glee4 ,it was only a hundred and thirty-eight more pages1 ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,in forty-six days ,i shall have finished ,sordello4 ,then you will have done what ,i never did in my whole life4 ,it amused ,cautley to talk to ,miss ,quincey4 ,she wore such an air of adventure2 she was so fresh and innocent in her excursions into the realms of gold2 and when she sat handling her little bits of ,tennyson and ,browning as if they had been rare nuggets recently dug up there1 what could he do but feign astonishment and interest8 ,he had travelled extensively in the realms of gold4 ,he was acquainted with all the poets and intimate with most2 he knew some of them so well as to be able to make jokes at their expense4 ,he was at home in their society4 ,beside his light-hearted intimacy ,miss ,cursiter's academic manner showed like the punctilious advances of an outsider4 ,but he was terribly modern this young man4 ,he served strange gods1 healers and regenerators whose names had never penetrated to ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,some days he was really dreadful2 he shook his head over the ,idylls of the ,king1 made no secret of his unbelief in ,the ,princess1 and shamelessly declared that a great deal of ,in ,memoriam would go where ,mendelssohn and the old crinolines have gone4 ,then something very much worse than that happened2 ,miss ,quincey gave him a copy of the ,address to the ,students and ,teachers of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 and it made him laugh4 ,she pointed out the bit about the healers and regenerators1 and refreshing yourself at the wells of literature4 ,that is a beautiful passage1 said ,miss ,quincey4 ,he laughed more than ever4 ,oh yes1 beautiful1 beautiful4 ,they're to do it in their evenings1 are they8 ,and when they're faint and weary with their day's work8 ,and he laughed again quite loud1 laughed till ,mrs4 ,moon woke out of a doze and started as if this world had come to an end and another one had begun4 ,he was very sorry1 and he begged a thousand pardons2 but1 really1 that passage was unspeakably funny4 ,he didn't know that ,miss ,cursiter had such a rich vein of humour in her4 ,for the life of her ,miss ,quincey could not see what there was to laugh at1 nor why she should be teased about ,tennyson and bantered on the subject of ,browning2 but she enjoyed it all the same4 ,he was so young2 he was like a big schoolboy throwing stones into the living wells of literature and watching for the splash2 it did her good to look at him4 ,so she looked1 smiling her starved smile and snatching a fearful joy from his profane conversation4 ,there were moments when she asked herself how he came to be there at all2 he was so out-of-place somehow4 ,the ,moons and ,quinceys denounced him as a stranger and intruder2 the very chairs and tables had memories1 associations that rejected him2 everything in the room suggested the same mystic antagonism2 it was as if ,mrs4 ,moon and all her household gods were in league against him4 ,oddly enough this attitude of theirs heightened her sense of intimacy with him1 made him hers and no one else's for the time4 ,the pleasure she took in his society had some of the peculiar private ecstasy of sin4 ,and ,mrs4 ,moon wondered what the young man was going to charge for that little visit2 and what the total of his account would be4 ,she said that if ,juliana didn't give him a hint1 she would be obliged to speak to him herself2 and at that ,juliana looked frightened and begged that ,mrs4 ,moon would do nothing of the kind4 ,there will be no charge for friendly visits1 said she2 and she made a rapid calculation in the top of her head4 ,nineteen visits at1 say1 seven-and-six a visit1 would come to exactly nine pounds nine and sixpence4 ,and she smiled2 possibly she thought it was worth it4 ,and really those friendly visits had sometimes an ambiguous character2 he dragged his profession into them by the head and shoulders4 ,he had left off scribbling prescriptions1 but he would tell her what to take in a light and literary way1 as if it was just part of their very interesting conversation4 ,browning was bitter and bracing1 he was like iron and quinine1 and by the way she had better take a little of both4 ,then when he met her again he would ask1 ,have you been taking any more ,browning1 ,miss ,quincey8 and while ,miss ,quincey owned with a blush that she had1 he would look at her and say she wanted a change--a little ,tennyson and a lighter tonic2 strychnine and arsenic was the thing4 ,and ,mrs4 ,moon still wondered4 ,i never saw anything like the indelicacy of that young man1 said she4 ,you're running up a pretty long bill1 ,i can tell you4 ,oh1 yes1 a long1 long bill2 for we pay heavily for our pleasures in this sad world1 ,juliana6 ,,chapter ,,vi ,spring ,fashions ,winter had come and gone1 and spring found ,miss ,quincey back again at ,st4 ,sidwell's1 the place of illumination2 a place that knew rather less of her than it had known before4 ,after five-and-twenty years of constant attendance she had only to be away three months to be forgotten4 ,the new staff was not greatly concerned with ,miss ,quincey2 it was always busy4 ,as for the girls1 they were wholly given over to the new worship of ,rhoda ,vivian2 impossible to rouse them to the faintest interest in ,miss ,quincey4 ,her place had been kept for her by ,rhoda4 ,rhoda had put out the strong young arm that she was so proud of1 and held back for a little while ,miss ,quincey's fate2 and now at all costs she was determined to stand between her and the truth4 ,so ,miss ,quincey never knew that it was ,rhoda who was responsible for the delicate attentions she had received during her illness2 ,rhoda who had bought and sent off the presents from ,st4 ,sidwell's2 ,rhoda who had conceived that pretty little idea of flowers with love2 and ,rhoda who had inspired the affectionate messages of the staff4 7,the ,classical ,mistress had to draw most extravagantly on her popularity in order to work that fraud47 ,rhoda had taken her place1 and it was not in ,rhoda's power to give it back to her4 ,but ,miss ,quincey never saw it2 for a subtler web than that of ,rhoda's spinning was woven about her eyes4 ,possibly in some impressive and inapparent way her unhappy little favourite ,laura ,lazarus may have been glad to see her back again1 though the two queer creatures exchanged no greeting more intimate than an embarrassed smile4 ,in this rapidly-advancing world the ,mad ,hatter alone remained where ,miss ,quincey had left her4 ,she explained at some length how the figures twisted themselves round in her head and would never stay the same for a minute together4 ,miss ,quincey listened patiently to this explanation2 she was more indulgent1 less persistent than before4 ,under that veil of illusion she herself had become communicative4 ,she went up and down between the classes and poured out her soul as to an audience all interest1 all sympathy4 ,there was a certain monotony about her conversation since the epoch of her illness4 ,it was1 ,oh yes1 ,i am quite well now1 thank you4 ,dr4 ,cautley is so very clever4 ,dr4 ,cautley has taken splendid care of me4 ,dr4 ,cautley has been so very kind and attentive1 ,i think it would be ungrateful of me if ,i had not got well4 ,dr4 ,cautley-- ,perhaps it was just as well for ,miss ,quincey that the staff were too busy to attend to her4 ,the most they noticed was that in the matter of obstruction ,miss ,quincey was not quite so precipitate as she had been4 ,she offended less by violent contact and rebound than by drifting absently into the processions and getting mixed up with them4 ,rhoda saw a change in her2 ,rhoda was never too busy to spare a thought for ,miss ,quincey4 ,yes1 she said1 you are better4 ,your eyes are brighter4 ,that1 said ,miss ,quincey1 with simple pride is the arsenic4 ,dr4 ,cautley is giving me arsenic4 ,now arsenic 7like happiness7 has some curious properties4 ,it looks most innocently like sugar1 which it is not4 ,a little of it goes a long way and undoubtedly acts as a tonic2 a little more may undermine the stoutest constitution1 and a little too much of it is a deadly poison and kills you4 ,as yet ,miss ,quincey had only taken it in microscopic doses4 ,something had changed her2 it may have been happiness1 it may have been illusion2 whatever it was ,miss ,quincey thought it was the arsenic--if it was not the weather1 the very remarkable weather4 ,for that year ,spring came with a burst4 ,indeed there is seldom anything shy and tentative1 anything obscure and gradual about the approaches of the ,london ,spring4 ,spring is always in a hurry there1 for she knows that she has but a short time before her2 she has to make an impression and make it at once2 so she works careless of delicacies and shades1 relying on broad telling strokes1 on strong outlines and stinging contrasts4 ,she is like a clever artist handicapped with her materials4 ,only a patch of grass1 a few trees and the sky2 but you wake one morning and the boughs are drawn black and bold against the blue2 and leaves are sharp as emeralds against the black2 and the grass in the squares and the shrubs in the gardens repeat the same brilliant extravaganza2 and it is all very eccentric and beautiful and daring4 ,that is the way of a ,cockney ,spring1 and when you are used to it the charm is undeniable4 ,one day ,miss ,quincey walked in ,camden ,town and noted the singular caprices of the ,spring4 ,strange longings1 freaks of the blood and brain1 stirred within her at this bursting of the leaf4 ,they led her into ,camden ,road1 into the ,high ,street1 to the great shops where the virginal young fashions and the artificial flowers are4 ,at this season ,hunter's window blooms out in blouses of every imaginable colour and texture and form4 ,there was one1 a silk one1 of so discreet and modest a mauve that you could have called it lavender4 ,to say that it caught ,miss ,quincey's eye would be to wrong that maidenly garment4 ,there was nothing blatant1 nothing importunate in its behaviour4 ,gently1 imperceptibly1 it stole into the field of vision and stood there1 delicately alluring4 ,it could afford to wait4 ,it had not even any pattern to speak of1 only an indefinable white something1 a dice1 a diaper1 a sprig4 ,it was the sprig that touched her1 tempted her4 ,amongst the poorer ranks of ,miss ,quincey's profession the sumptuary laws are exceptionally severe4 ,it is a crime1 a treachery1 to spend money on mere personal adornment4 ,you are clothed1 not for beauty's sake1 but because the rigour of the climate and of custom equally require it4 ,miss ,quincey's conscience pricked her all the time that she stood looking in at ,hunter's window4 ,never before had she suffered so terrible a solicitation of the senses4 ,it was as if all those dim and germinal desires had burst and blossomed in this sinful passion for a blouse4 ,she resisted1 faltered1 resisted2 turned away and turned back again4 ,the blouse sat immovable on its wooden bust1 absolute in its policy of reticence4 ,miss ,quincey had just decided that it had a thought too much mauve in it1 and was most successfully routing desire by depreciation of its object when a shopman stepped on to the stage1 treading airily among the gauzes and the flowers4 ,there was no artifice about the young man2 it was in the dreamiest abstraction that he clasped that fair form round the collar and turned it to the light4 ,it shuddered like a living thing2 its violent mauve vanished in silver grey4 ,the effect was irresistible4 ,miss ,quincey was tempted beyond all endurance2 and she fell4 ,once in possession of the blouse1 its price1 a guinea1 paid over the counter1 ,miss ,quincey was all discretion4 ,she carried her treasure home in a pasteboard box concealed under her cape2 lest its shameless arrival in ,hunter's van should excite scandal and remark4 ,that night1 behind a locked door1 ,miss ,quincey sat up wrestling and battling with her blouse4 ,to ,miss ,quincey in the watches of the night it seemed that a spirit of obstinate malevolence lurked in that deceitful garment4 ,like all the things in ,hunter's shop1 it was designed for conventional well-rounded womanhood4 ,it repudiated the very idea of ,miss ,quincey2 in every fold it expressed its contempt for her person2 its collar was stiff with an invincible repugnance4 ,miss ,quincey had to take it in where it went out1 and let it out where it went in1 to pinch1 pull1 humour and propitiate it before it would consent to cling to her diminished figure4 ,when all was done she wrapped it in tissue paper and hid it away in a drawer out of sight1 for the very thought of it frightened her4 ,but when next she went to look at it she hardly knew it again4 ,the malignity seemed all smoothed out of it2 it lay there with its meek sleeves folded1 the very picture of injured innocence and reproach4 ,miss ,quincey thought she might get reconciled to it in time4 ,a day might even come when she would be brave enough to wear it4 ,not many days after1 ,miss ,quincey might have been seen coming out of ,st4 ,sidwell's with a reserved and secret smile playing about her face2 so secret and so reserved1 that nobody1 not even ,miss ,quincey1 could tell what it was playing at4 ,miss ,quincey was meditating an audacity4 ,that night she took pen and paper up to her bedroom and sat down to write a little note4 ,sat down to write it and got up again2 wrote it and tore it up1 and sat down to write another4 ,this she left open for such emendations and improvements as should occur to her in the night4 ,perhaps none did occur2 perhaps she realized that a literary work loses its force and spontaneity in conscious elaboration2 anyhow the note was put up just as it was and posted first thing in the morning at the pillar-box on her way to ,st4 ,sidwell's4 ,old ,martha was cleaning the steps as ,miss ,quincey went out2 but ,miss ,quincey carefully avoided looking ,martha's way4 ,like the ostrich she supposed that if she did not see ,martha1 ,martha could not see her4 ,but ,martha had seen her4 ,she saw everything4 ,she had seen the note open on ,miss ,juliana's table by the window in the bedroom when she was drawing up the blind2 she had seen the silk blouse lying in its tissue paper when she was tidying ,miss ,juliana's drawer2 and that very afternoon she discovered a certain cake deposited by ,miss ,juliana in the dining-room cupboard with every circumstance of secrecy and disguise4 ,and ,martha shook her old head and put that and that together1 the blouse1 the cake and the letter2 though what connection there could possibly be between the three was more than ,miss ,juliana could have told her4 ,even to ,martha the association was so singular that it pointed to some painful aberration of intellect on ,miss ,juliana's part4 ,as in duty bound1 ,martha brought up her latest discovery and laid it before ,mrs4 ,moon4 ,beyond that she said nothing1 indeed there was nothing to be said4 ,the cake 7it was of the expensive pound variety1 crowned with a sugar turret and surrounded with almond fortifications7 spoke for itself1 though in an unknown language4 ,what does that mean1 ,martha8 ,miss ,juliana1 m'm1 ,i suppose4 ,martha pursed up her lips1 suppressing the impertinence of her own private opinion and awaiting her mistress's with respect4 ,no doubt she would have heard it but that ,miss ,juliana happened to come in at that moment1 and ,mrs4 ,moon's attention was distracted by the really amazing spectacle presented by her niece4 ,and ,miss ,juliana1 who for five-and-twenty years had never appeared in anything but frowsy drab or dingy grey1 ,miss ,juliana flaunting in silk at four o'clock in the afternoon1 ,miss ,juliana1 all shining and shimmering like a silver and mauve chameleon1 was a sight to take anybody's breath away4 ,martha dearly loved a scene1 for to be admitted to a scene was to be admitted to her mistress's confidence2 but the excellent woman knew her place1 and before that flagrant apparition she withdrew as she would have withdrawn from a family scandal4 ,miss ,quincey advanced timidly1 for of course she knew that she had to cross that room under fire of criticism2 but on the whole she was less abject than she might have been1 for at the moment she was thinking of ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,he had actually accepted her kind invitation1 and that fact explained and justified her2 besides1 she carried her ,browning in her hand1 and it made her feel decidedly more natural4 ,mrs4 ,moon restrained her feelings until her niece had moved about a bit1 and sat down by her enemy the cabinet1 and presented herself in every possible aspect4 ,the ,old ,lady's eyes lost no movement of the curious figure2 when she had taken it in1 grasped it in all its details1 she began4 ,well1 ,i declare1 ,juliana--7five-and-twenty years ago she used to call her ,jooley1 keeping the full name to mark disapproval or displeasure4 ,now it was always ,juliana1 so that ,mrs4 ,moon seemed to be permanently displeased7--whatever possessed you to make such an exhibition of yourself8 7,and will you draw your chair back--you're incommoding the cabinet47 ,i never saw anything so unsuitable and unbecoming in my life--at this hour of the day too4 ,why1 you're just like a whirligig out of a pantomime4 ,if you think you can carry off that kind of thing you're very much mistaken4 ,that did seem to be ,miss ,quincey's idea--to carry it off2 to brazen it out2 to sit down and read ,browning as if there was nothing at all remarkable in her personal appearance4 ,and to choose lilac of all things in the world6 ,you never could stand that shade at the best of times4 ,lilac6 ,why1 ,i declare if it isn't mauve-pink4 ,mauve-pink6 ,she had given voice to the fear that lay hidden in ,miss ,quincey's heart4 ,a sensitive culprit caught in humiliating guilt could not look more cowed with self-consciousness than ,miss ,quincey at that word4 ,criminal and crime1 ,miss ,quincey and her blouse1 seemed linked in an awful bond of mutual abhorrence4 ,the blouse shivered as ,miss ,quincey trembled in nervous agitation2 as she went red and yellow by turns it paled and flushed its painful pink4 ,they were blushing for each other4 ,for it was mauve-pink2 she could see that well enough now4 ,turn round6 ,miss ,quincey turned round4 ,much too young for you6 ,why1 bless me1 if it doesn't throw up every bit of yellow in your face6 ,if you don't believe me1 look in the glass4 ,miss ,quincey looked in the glass4 ,it did throw up the yellow tints4 ,it threw everything up to her4 ,if she had owned to a little fear of it before1 it affected her now with positive terror4 ,the thing was young1 much too young2 and it was brutal and violent in its youth4 ,it was possessed by a perfect demon of juvenility2 it clashed and fought with every object in the room2 it made them all look old1 ever so old1 and shabby4 ,and as ,miss ,quincey stood with it before the looking glass1 it flared up and told her to her face that she was forty-five--forty-five1 and looked fifty4 ,louisa1 murmured the ,old ,lady1 was the only one of our family who could stand pink4 ,i will give it to ,louisa1 cried ,miss ,quincey with a touch of passion4 ,tchee--tchee6 ,at that idea the ,old ,lady chuckled in supreme derision4 ,capers and nonsense6 ,louisa indeed6 ,much good it'll do ,louisa when you've been and nipped all the shape out of it to suit yourself4 ,however you came to be so skimpy and flat-chested is a mystery to me4 ,all the ,quinceys were tall1 your uncle ,tollington was tall1 your father1 he was tall2 and your sister1 well2 ,i will say this for ,louisa1 she's as tall as any of 'em1 and she has a bust4 ,yes1 ,i daresay it would have been very becoming to ,louisa1 said ,miss ,quincey humbly4 ,i--,i thought it was lavender4 ,lavender or no lavender1 ,i'm surprised at you--throwing money away on a thing like that4 ,i can afford it1 said ,miss ,quincey with the pathetic dignity of the turning worm4 ,now it was not worm-like subtlety that suggested that reply4 ,it was positive inspiration4 ,by those simple words ,juliana had done something to remove the slur she was always casting on a certain character4 ,tollington ,moon had not managed his nieces' affairs so badly after all if one of them could afford herself extravagances of that sort4 ,the blouse therefore might be taken as a sign and symbol of his innermost integrity4 ,so ,mrs4 ,moon was content with but one more parting shot4 ,i don't say you can't afford the money1 ,i say you can't afford the colour--not at your time of life4 ,two tears that had gathered in ,miss ,quincey's eyes now fell on the silk1 deepening the mauve-pink to a hideous magenta4 ,i was deceived in the colour1 she said as she turned from her tormentor4 ,she toiled upstairs to the back bedroom and took it off4 ,she could never wear it4 ,it was waste--sheer waste2 for no other woman could wear it either2 certainly not ,louisa2 she had made it useless for ,louisa by paring it down to her own ridiculous dimensions4 ,louisa was and always had been a head and shoulders taller than she was2 and she had a bust4 ,so ,miss ,quincey came down meek and meagre in the old dress that she served her for so many seasons1 and she looked for peace4 ,but that terrible old lady had not done with her yet1 and the worst was still to come4 ,no longer having any grievance against the blouse1 ,mrs4 ,moon was concentrating her attention on that more mysterious witness to ,juliana's foolishness--the ,cake4 ,and now1 said she1 pointing as she might have pointed to a monument1 will you kindly tell me the meaning of this8 ,i expect--perhaps--it is very likely--that ,dr4 ,cautley will come in to tea this afternoon4 ,the ,old ,lady peered at ,miss ,quincey and her eyes were sharp as needles1 needles that carried the thread of her thought pretty plainly too1 but it was too fine a thread for ,miss ,quincey to see4 ,besides she was looking at the cake and almost regretting that she had bought it1 lest he should think that it was eating too many of such things that had made her ill4 ,and what put that notion into your head1 ,i should like to know8 ,he has written to say so4 ,juliana--you don't mean to tell me that he invited himself8 ,well1 no4 ,that is--it was an answer to my invitation4 ,your invitation8 ,you were not content to have that man poking his nose in here at all hours of the day and night1 but you must go out of your way to send him invitations8 ,dr4 ,cautley has been most kind and attentive1 and--,i thought--it was time we paid him some little attention4 ,attention indeed6 ,i should be very sorry to let any young man suppose that ,i paid any attention to him4 ,i should have thought you'd have had a little more maidenly reserve4 ,besides1 you know perfectly well that ,i don't enjoy my tea unless we have it by ourselves4 ,oh yes1 she knew2 they had been having it that way for five-and-twenty years4 ,as for that cake1 continued the ,old ,lady1 it's ridiculous4 ,look at it4 ,why1 you might just as well have ordered wedding cake at once4 ,i tell you what it is1 ,juliana1 you're getting quite flighty4 ,flighty8 ,no mind but a feminine one1 grown up and trained under the shadow of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 could conceive the nature of ,miss ,quincey's feelings on being told that she was flighty4 ,she herself made no attempt to express them4 ,she sat down and gasped1 clutching her ,browning to give herself a sense of moral support4 ,all the rest was intelligible1 she had understood and accepted it2 but to be told that she1 a teacher in ,st4 ,sidwell's1 was flighty--the charge was simply confusing to the intellect1 and it left her dumb4 ,flighty8 ,when ,martha came in with the tea-tray and she had to order a knife for the cake and an extra cup for ,dr4 ,cautley1 she saw ,mrs4 ,moon looking at ,martha1 and ,martha looking at ,mrs4 ,moon1 and they seemed to be saying to each other1 ,how flighty ,miss ,juliana is getting4 ,flighty8 ,the idea afflicted her to such a degree that when ,dr4 ,cautley came she had not a word to say to him4 ,for a whole week she had looked forward to this tea-drinking with tremors of joyous expectancy and palpitations of alarm4 ,it was to have been one of those rare and solitary occasions that can only come once in a blue moon4 ,the lump sum of pleasure that other people get spread for them more or less thickly over the surface of the years1 she meant to take once for all1 packed and pressed into one rapturous hour1 one ,saturday afternoon from four-thirty to five-thirty1 the memory of it to be stored up and economised so as to last her life-time1 thus justifying the original expense4 ,she knew that success was doubtful1 because of the uncertainty of things in general and of the ,old ,lady's temper in particular4 ,and then she had to stake everything on his coming2 and the chances1 allowing for the inevitable claims on a doctor's time1 were a thousand to one against it4 ,she had nothing to go upon but the delicate incalculable balance of events4 ,and now1 when the blue moon had risen1 the impossible thing happened1 and the man had come1 he might just as well1 in fact a great deal better1 have stayed away4 ,the whole thing was a waste and failure from beginning to end4 ,the tea was a waste and a failure1 for ,martha would bring it in a quarter of an hour too soon2 the cake was a waste and a failure1 for nobody ate any of it2 and she was a waste and a failure--she hardly knew why4 ,she cut her cake with trembling fingers and offered it1 blushing as the gash in its side revealed the thoroughly unwholesome nature of its interior4 ,she felt ashamed of its sugary artifice1 its treacherously festive air1 and its embarrassing affinity to bride's-cake4 ,no wonder that he had no appetite for cake1 and that ,miss ,quincey had no appetite for conversation4 ,he tried to tempt her with bits of ,browning1 but she refused them all4 ,she had lost her interest in ,browning4 ,he thought1 ,she is too tired to talk1 and left half an hour sooner than he had intended4 ,she thought1 ,he is offended4 ,or else--he thinks me flighty4 ,and that was all4 ,,chapter ,,vii ,under a ,blue ,moon ,it was early on another ,saturday evening1 a fortnight after that disastrous one1 and ,miss ,quincey was taking the air in ,primrose ,hill ,park4 ,she was walking to keep herself warm1 for the breeze was brisk and cool4 ,there was a little stir and flutter in the trees and a little stir and flutter in her heart1 for she had caught sight of ,dr4 ,cautley in the distance4 ,he was coming round the corner of one of the intersecting walks1 coming at a frantic pace1 with the tails of his frock-coat waving in the wind4 ,he pulled himself up as he neared her and held out a friendly hand4 ,that's right1 ,miss ,quincey4 ,i'm delighted to see you out4 ,you really are getting strong again1 aren't you8 ,yes1 thank you--very well1 very strong4 ,was it her fancy1 or did his manner imply that he wanted to sink that humiliating episode of the tea-party and begin again where they had left off8 ,it might be so2 his courtesy was so infinitely subtle4 ,he had actually turned and was walking her way now4 ,and how is ,sordello8 he asked1 the tone of his inquiry suggesting that there was something seriously the matter with ,sordello4 ,getting on4 ,only fifty-six pages more4 ,you are advancing1 ,miss ,quincey--gaining on him by leaps and bounds4 ,you're not overdoing it1 ,i hope8 ,oh no1 ,i read a little in the evenings--,i have to keep up to the standard of the staff4 ,indeed1 she added1 turning with a sudden suicidal panic1 ,i ought to be at home and working now4 ,what8 ,on a half-holiday8 ,it is a half-holiday8 ,for some people--not for me4 ,his eyes--she could not be mistaken--were taking her in as they had done before4 ,and why not for you8 ,do you know1 you're looking horribly tired4 ,suppose we sit down a bit4 ,miss ,quincey admitted that it would be very nice4 ,hadn't you better put your cape on--the wind's changing4 ,she obeyed him4 ,that's hardly a thick enough wrap for this weather1 is it8 ,she assured him it was very warm1 very comfortable4 ,do you know what ,i would like to do with you1 ,miss ,quincey8 ,no4 ,i should like to pack you off somewhere--anywhere--for another three months' holiday4 ,another three months6 ,what would my pupils do1 and what would ,miss ,cursiter say8 ,it was part of the illusion that she conceived herself to be indispensable to ,miss ,cursiter4 ,confound ,miss ,cursiter6 ,evidently he felt strongly on the subject of ,miss ,cursiter4 ,he confounded her with such energy that the seat provided for them by the ,london ,county ,council vibrated under it4 ,he stared sulkily out over the park a moment2 he gave his cuffs a hitch as if he were going to fight somebody1 and then--he let himself go4 ,at a blind headlong pace1 lashing himself up as he went1 falling furiously on civilization1 the social order1 women's education and women's labour1 the system that threw open all doors to them1 and let them be squeezed and trampled down together in the crush4 ,he was ready to take the nineteenth century by the throat and strangle it2 he squared himself against the universe4 ,what1 said ,miss ,quincey1 do you not believe in equal chances for men and women8 ,she was eager to redeem herself from the charge of flightiness4 ,equal chances8 ,i daresay4 ,but not unequal work4 ,the work must be unequal if the conditions are unequal4 ,it's not the same machine4 ,to turn a woman on to a man's work is like trying to run an express train by clock-work1 with a pendulum for a piston1 and a hairspring for steam4 ,miss ,quincey timidly hinted that the question was a large one1 that there was another side to it4 ,of course there is2 there are fifty sides to it2 but there are too many people looking at the other forty-nine for my taste4 ,i loathe a crowd4 ,stirred by a faint esprit de corps ,miss ,quincey asked him if he did not believe in the open door for women8 ,he said1 ,it would be kinder to shut it in their faces4 ,she threw in a word about the women's labour market--the enormous demand4 ,he said that only meant that women's labour could be bought cheap and sold dear4 ,she sighed4 ,but women must do something--surely you see the necessity8 ,he groaned4 ,oh yes4 ,it's just the necessity that ,i do see--the damnable necessity4 ,i only protest against the preventable evil4 ,if you must turn women into so many machines1 for ,heaven's sake treat them like machines4 ,you don't work an engine when it's undergoing structural alterations--because1 you know1 you can't4 ,your precious system recognises no differences4 ,it sets up the same absurd standard for every woman1 the brilliant genius and the average imbecile4 ,which is not only morally odious but physiologically fatuous4 ,there must be one of two results--either the average imbeciles are sacrificed by thousands to a dozen or so of brilliant geniuses1 or it's the other way about4 ,whichever way it is1 said ,miss ,quincey1 with her back1 so to speak1 to the wall1 it's all part of civilization1 of our intellectual progress4 ,they're not the same thing4 ,and it isn't civilization1 it's intellectual savagery4 ,it isn't progress either1 it's a blind rush1 an inhuman scrimmage--the very worst form of the struggle for existence4 ,it doesn't even mean survival of the intellectually fittest4 ,it develops monstrosities4 ,it defeats its own ends by brutalising the intellect itself4 ,and the worst enemies of women are women4 ,i swear1 if ,i were a woman1 ,i'd rather do without an education than get it at that price4 ,or ,i'd educate myself4 ,after all1 that's the way of the fittest--the one in a thousand4 ,do you not approve of educated women then8 ,miss ,quincey was quite shaken by this cataclysmal outbreak1 this overturning and shattering of the old beacons and landmarks4 ,he stared into the distance4 ,oh yes1 ,i approve of them when they are really educated--not when they are like that4 ,you won't get the flower of womanhood out of a forcing-house like ,st4 ,sidwell's2 though ,i daresay it produces pumpkins to perfection4 ,what did he say to ,miss ,vivian then8 ,miss ,quincey could not think badly of a system that could produce women like ,miss ,vivian4 ,a cloud came over his angry eyes as they stared into the distance4 ,that's it4 ,it hasn't produced them4 ,they have produced it4 ,miss ,quincey smiled4 ,evidently consistency was not to be expected of this young man4 ,he was so young1 and so irresponsible and passionate4 ,she admired him for it2 and not only for that2 she admired him--she could not say exactly why1 but she thought it was because he had such a beautiful1 bumpy1 intellectual forehead4 ,and as she sat beside him and shook to that vibrating passion of his1 she felt as if the blue moon had risen again and was shining through the trees of the park2 and she was happy1 absolutely1 indubitably happy and safe2 for she felt that he was her friend and her protector and the defender of her cause4 ,it was for her that he raged and maddened and behaved himself altogether so unreasonably4 ,now as it happened1 ,cautley did champion certain theories which ,miss ,cursiter1 when she met them1 denounced as physiologist's fads4 ,but it was not they1 nor yet ,miss ,quincey1 that accounted for his display of feeling4 ,he was angry because he wanted to come to a certain understanding with the ,classical ,mistress2 to come to it at once2 and the system kept him waiting4 ,it was robbing him of ,rhoda1 and ,rhoda of her youth4 ,meanwhile ,rhoda was superbly happy at ,st4 ,sidwell's1 playing at being ,pallas ,athene2 as for checking her midway in her brilliant career1 that was not to be thought of for an instant4 ,the flower of womanhood--it was the flower of life4 ,he had never seen a woman so invincibly and superlatively alive4 ,cautley deified life2 and in his creed1 which was simplicity itself1 life and health were one2 health the sole source of strength1 intelligence and beauty1 of all divine and perfect possibilities4 ,at least that was how he began4 ,but three years' practice in ,london had somewhat strained the faith of the young devotee4 ,he soon found himself in the painful position of a priest who no longer believes in his deity2 overheard himself asking whether health was not an unattainable ideal2 then declaring that life itself was all a matter of compromise2 finally coming to the conclusion that the soul of things was ,neurosis4 ,beyond that he refused to commit himself to any theory of the universe4 ,he even made himself unpleasant4 ,a clerical patient would approach him with conciliatory breadth1 and say3 ,i envy you1 ,cautley2 ,i envy your marvellous experience4 ,your opportunities are greater than mine4 ,and sometimes1 do you know1 ,i think you see deeper into the work of the ,maker4 ,and ,cautley would shrug his shoulders and smile in the good man's face1 and say1 ,the ,maker6 ,i can only tell you ,i'm tired of mending the work of the ,maker4 ,yet the more he doubted the harder he worked2 though his world spun round and round1 shrieking like a clock running down1 and he had persuaded himself that all he could do was to wind up the crazy wheels for another year or so4 ,which all meant that ,cautley was working a little too hard and running down himself4 ,he had begun to specialize in gynecology and it increased his scepticism4 ,then suddenly1 one evening1 when he least looked for it1 least wanted it1 he saw his divinity incarnate4 ,rhoda had appealed to him as the supreme expression of ,nature's will to live4 ,that was the instantaneous and visible effect of her4 ,rhoda was the red flower on the tree of life4 ,at ,st4 ,sidwell's1 that great forcing-house1 they might grow some vegetables to perfection2 whether it was orchids or pumpkins he neither knew nor cared2 but he defied them to produce anything like that4 ,he was sorry for the vegetables1 the orchids and the pumpkins2 and he was sorry for ,miss ,quincey1 who was neither a pumpkin nor an orchid1 but only a harmless little withered leaf4 ,not a pleasant leaf1 the sort that goes dancing along1 all crisp and curly1 in the arms of the rollicking wind2 but the sort that the same wind kicks into a corner1 to lie there till it rots and comes in handy as leaf mould for the forcing-house4 ,rhoda's friend was not like ,rhoda2 yet because the leaf may distantly suggest the rose1 he liked to sit and talk to her and think about the most beautiful woman in the world4 ,to any other man conversation with ,miss ,quincey would have been impossible2 for ,miss ,quincey in normal health was uninteresting when she was not absurd4 ,but to ,cautley at all times she was simply heart-rending4 ,for this young man with the irritable nerves and blasphemous temper had after all a divine patience at the service of women1 even the foolish and hysterical2 because like their ,maker he knew whereof they were made4 ,this very minute the queer meta-physical thought had come to him that somehow1 in the infinite entanglement of things1 such women as ,miss ,quincey were perpetually being sacrificed to such women as ,rhoda ,vivian4 ,it struck him that ,nature had made up for any little extra outlay in one direction by cruel pinching in another4 ,it was part of her rigid economy4 ,she was not going to have any bills running up against her at the other end of the universe4 ,nature had indulged in ,rhoda ,vivian and she was making ,miss ,quincey pay4 ,he wondered if that notion had struck ,rhoda ,vivian too1 and if she were trying to make up for it4 ,he had noticed that ,miss ,quincey had the power 7if you could predicate power of such a person71 a power denied to him1 of drawing out the woman-hood of the most beautiful woman in the world2 some infinite tenderness in ,rhoda answered to the infinite absurdity in her4 ,he was not sure that her attitude to ,miss ,quincey was not the most beautiful thing about her4 ,he had begun by thinking about the colour of ,rhoda's eyes4 ,he could not for the life of him remember whether they were blue or green1 till something 7,miss ,quincey's eyes perhaps7 reminded him that they were grey1 pure grey1 without a taint of green or a shadow of blue in them4 ,that was what his mind was running on as he looked into the distance and ,miss ,quincey imagined that his bumpy intellectual forehead was bulging with great thoughts4 ,and now ,miss ,quincey supplied a convenient pivot for the wild gyrations of his wrath4 ,he got up and with his hands behind his back he seemed to be lashing himself into a fury with his coat-tail4 ,the whole thing is one-sided and artificial and absurd4 ,bad enough for men1 but fatal for women4 ,any system that unfits them for their proper functions-- ,and do we know--have we decided--yet--what they are8 ,miss ,quincey was anxious to sustain her part in the dialogue with credit4 ,he stared1 not at the distance but at her4 ,why1 surely1 he said more gently1 to be women first--to be wives and mothers4 ,she drew her cape a little closer round her and turned from him with half-shut eyes4 ,she seemed at once to be protecting herself against his theory and blinding her sight to her own perishing and thwarted woman-hood4 ,all ,nature is against it1 he said4 ,nature8 she repeated feebly4 ,yes1 ,nature2 and she'll go her own way in spite of all the systems that ever were4 ,don't you know---you are a teacher1 so you ought to know--that overstrain of the higher faculties is sometimes followed by astonishing demonstrations on the part of ,nature8 ,miss ,quincey replied that no cases of the kind had come under her notice4 ,well--your profession ought to go hand-in-hand with mine4 ,if you only saw the half of what we see--,but you only see the process2 we get the results4 ,by the way ,i must go and look at some of them4 ,his words echoed madly in a feverish little brain1 ,ought to go--hand-in-hand--hand-in-hand with mine4 ,nature can be very cruel1 said she4 ,something in her tone recalled him from his flight4 ,he stood looking down at her1 thoughtful and pitiful4 ,and ,nature can be very kind2 kinder than we are4 ,you are a case in point4 ,nature is trying to make you well against your will4 ,a little more rest--a little more exercise--a little more air-- ,she smiled4 ,yes1 a little more of all the things she wanted and had never had4 ,that was what her smile said in its soft and deprecating bitterness4 ,he held out his hand1 and she too rose1 shivering a little in her thin dress4 ,she was the first to hurry away4 ,he looked after her small figure1 noted her nervous gait and the agitated movement of her hand as the streamers on her poor cape flapped and fluttered1 the sport of the unfeeling wind4 ,,chapter ,,viii ,a ,painful ,misunderstanding ,and now1 on early evenings and ,saturday afternoons when the weather was fine1 ,miss ,quincey was to be found in ,primrose ,hill ,park4 ,not that anybody ever came to look for ,miss ,quincey4 ,nevertheless1 whether she was walking up and down the paths or sitting on a bench1 ,miss ,quincey had a certain expectant air1 as if at any moment ,dr4 ,cautley might come tearing round the corner with his coat-tails flying1 or as if she might look up and find him sitting beside her and talking to her4 ,but he did not come4 ,there are some histories that never repeat themselves4 ,and he had never called since that day--,miss ,quincey remembered it well2 it was ,saturday the thirteenth of ,march4 ,april and ,may went by2 she had not seen him now for more than two months2 and she began to think there must be a reason for it4 ,at last she saw him2 she saw him twice running4 ,once in the park where they had sat together1 and once in the forked road that leads past that part of ,st4 ,sidwell's where ,miss ,cursiter and ,miss ,vivian lived in state4 ,each time he was walking very fast as usual1 and he looked at her1 but he never raised his hat2 she spoke1 but he passed her without a word4 ,and yet he had recognised her2 there could be no possible doubt of it4 ,depend upon it there was a reason for that4 ,miss ,quincey was one of those innocent people who believe that every variety of human behaviour must have a reason 7as if only two months ago she had not been favoured with the spectacle of an absolutely unreasonable young man74 ,to be sure it was not easy to find one for conduct so strange and unprecedented1 and in any case ,miss ,quincey's knowledge of masculine motives was but small4 ,taken by itself it might have passed without any reason1 as an oversight1 a momentary lapse2 but coupled with his complete abandonment of ,camden ,street ,north it looked ominous indeed4 ,not that her faith in ,bastian ,cautley wavered for an instant4 ,because ,bastian ,cautley was what he was1 he could never be guilty of spontaneous discourtesy2 on the other hand1 she had seen that he could be fierce enough on provocation2 therefore1 she argued1 he had some obscure ground of offence against her4 ,miss ,quincey passed a sleepless night reasoning about the reason1 a palpitating never-ending night1 without a doze or a dream in it or so much as the winking of an eyelid4 ,she reasoned about it for a week between the classes1 and in her spare time 7when she had any7 in the evening 7thus running into debt to ,sordello again74 ,at the end of the week ,miss ,quincey's mind seemed to have become remarkably lucid2 every thought in it ground to excessive subtlety in the mill of her logic4 ,she saw it all clearly4 ,there had been some misunderstanding1 some terrible mistake4 ,she had forfeited his friendship through a blunder nameless but irrevocable4 ,once or twice she wondered if ,mrs4 ,moon could be at the bottom of it--or ,martha4 ,had her aunt carried out her dreadful threat of giving him a hint to send in his account8 ,and had the hint implied that for the future all accounts with him were closed8 ,had he called on ,mrs4 ,moon and been received with crushing hostility8 ,or had ,martha permitted herself to say that she1 ,miss ,quincey1 was out when perhaps he knew for a positive fact that she was in8 ,but she soon dismissed these conjectures as inadequate and fell back on her original hypothesis4 ,and all the time the ,old ,lady's eyes1 and her voice too1 were sharper than ever2 from the corner where she dreamed she watched ,miss ,quincey incessantly between the dreams4 ,at times the ,old ,lady was shaken with terrible and mysterious mirth4 ,bastian ,cautley began to figure fantastically in her conversation4 ,her ideas travelled by slow trains of association that started from nowhere but always arrived at ,bastian ,cautley as a terminus4 ,if ,juliana had a headache ,mrs4 ,moon supposed that she wanted that young man to be dancing attendance on her again2 if ,juliana sighed she declared that ,dr4 ,cautley was a faithless swain who had forsaken ,juliana2 if ,martha brought in the tea-tray she wondered when ,dr4 ,cautley was coming back for another slice of ,juliana's wedding-cake4 ,mrs4 ,moon referred to a certain abominable piece of confectionery now crumbling away on a shelf in the sideboard1 where1 with a breach in its side and its sugar turret in ruins1 it seemed to nod at ,miss ,quincey with all sorts of satirical suggestions4 ,and when ,louisa sent her accounts of ,teenie who lisped in ,german1 ,alexander who wrote ,latin letters to his father1 and ,mildred who refused to read the ,new ,testament in anything but ,greek1 and ,miss ,quincey remarked that if she had children she wouldn't bring them up so1 the ,old ,lady laughed--,tchee--,tchee6 ,we all know about old maids' children4 ,miss ,quincey said nothing to that2 but she hardened her heart against ,louisa's children1 and against ,louisa's husband and ,louisa4 ,she couldn't think how ,louisa could have married such a dreadful little man as ,andrew ,mackinnon1 with his unmistakable accent and problematical linen4 ,the gentle creature who had never said a harsh word to anybody in her life became mysteriously cross and captious4 ,she hardened her heart even to little ,laura ,lazarus4 ,and one morning when she came upon the ,mad ,hatter in her corner of the class-room1 and found her adding two familiar columns of figures together and adding them all wrong1 ,miss ,quincey was very cross and very captious indeed4 ,the ,mad ,hatter explained at more length than ever that the figures twisted themselves about2 they wouldn't stay still a minute so that she could hold them2 they were always going on and on1 turning over and over1 and growing1 growing1 till there were millions1 billions1 trillions of them2 oh1 they were wonderful things those figures2 you could go on watching them for ever if you were sharp enough2 you could even--here ,laura lowered her voice in awe of her own conception1 for ,laura was a mystic1 a seer1 a metaphysician1 what you will--you could even think with them1 if you knew how2 in short you could do anything with them but turn them into sums4 ,and as all this was very confusing to the intellect ,miss ,quincey became crosser than ever4 ,and while ,miss ,quincey quivered all over with irritability1 the ,mad ,hatter paid no heed whatever to her instructions1 but thrust forward a small yellow face that was all nose and eyes1 and gazed at ,miss ,quincey like one possessed by a spirit of divination4 ,have you got a headache1 ,miss ,quincey8 she inquired on hearing herself addressed for the third time as ,stupid child6 ,miss ,quincey relied tartly that no1 she had not got a headache4 ,the ,mad ,hatter appeared to be absorbed in tracing rude verses on her rough notebook with a paralytic pencil4 ,i'm sorry2 because then you must be unhappy4 ,when people are cross1 she continued1 it means one of two things4 ,either their heads ache or they are unhappy4 ,you must be very unhappy4 ,i know all about it4 ,the paralytic pencil wavered and came to a full stop4 ,you like somebody1 and so somebody has made you unhappy4 ,but for the shame of it1 ,miss ,quincey could have put her head down on the desk and cried as she had seen the ,mad ,hatter cry over her sums1 and for the same reason2 because she could not put two and two together4 ,and what ,mrs4 ,moon saw1 what ,martha saw1 what the ,mad ,hatter divined with her feverish1 precocious brain1 ,rhoda ,vivian could not fail to see4 ,it was ,dr4 ,cautley's business to look after ,miss ,quincey in her illness1 and it was ,rhoda's to keep an eye on her in her recovery1 and instantly report the slightest threatening of a break-down4 ,miss ,quincey's somewhat eccentric behaviour filled her with misgivings2 and in order to investigate her case at leisure1 she chose the first afternoon when ,miss ,cursiter was not at home to ask the little arithmetic teacher to lunch4 ,after ,rhoda's lunch1 soothed with her sympathy and hidden1 not to say extinguished1 in an enormous chair1 ,miss ,quincey was easily worked into the right mood for confidences2 indeed she was in that state of mind when they rush out of their own accord in the utter exhaustion of the will4 ,are you sure you are perfectly well8 so ,rhoda began her inquiry4 ,perfectly1 perfectly--in myself1 said ,miss ,quincey1 ,i think1 perhaps--that is1 sometimes ,i'm a little afraid that taking so much arsenic may have disagreed with me4 ,you know it is a deadly poison4 ,but ,i've left it off lately1 so ,i ought to be better--unless perhaps ,i'm feeling the want of it4 ,you are not worrying about ,st4 ,sidwell's--about your work8 ,it's not that--not that4 ,but to tell you the truth1 ,i am worried1 ,rhoda4 ,for some reason or other1 my own fault1 no doubt1 ,i have lost a friend4 ,it's a hard thing1 said ,miss ,quincey1 to lose a friend4 ,oh1 ,i am sure--,do you mean ,miss ,cursiter8 ,no1 ,i do not mean ,miss ,cursiter4 ,do you mean--me then8 ,not me8 ,you1 dear child8 ,never4 ,to be plain--this is in confidence1 ,rhoda--,i am speaking of ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,dr4 ,cautley8 ,yes4 ,i do not know what ,i have done1 or how ,i have offended him1 but he has not been near me for over two months4 ,perhaps he has been busy--in fact1 ,i know he has4 ,he has always been busy4 ,it is not that4 ,it is something--well1 ,i hardly care to speak of it1 it has been so very painful4 ,my dear--,miss ,quincey's voice sank to an awful whisper--he has cut me in the street4 ,oh1 ,i know--he will do it2 he has done it to all his patients4 ,he is so dreadfully absent-minded4 ,if ,miss ,quincey had not been as guileless as the little old maid she was1 she would have recognised these indications of intimacy2 as it was1 she said with superior conviction1 ,my dear1 ,i know ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,he has never cut me before1 and he would not do it now without a reason4 ,there has been some awful mistake4 ,if ,i only knew what ,i had done6 ,you've done nothing4 ,i wouldn't worry if ,i were you4 ,i can't help worrying4 ,you don't know1 ,rhoda4 ,the bitter and terrible part of this friendship is1 and always has been1 that ,i am under obligations to ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,i owe everything to him2 ,i cannot tell you what he has done for me1 and here ,i am1 not allowed1 and ,i never shall be allowed1 to do anything for him4 ,a sob struggled in ,miss ,quincey's throat4 ,rhoda was silent4 ,did she know8 ,very dimly1 with a mere intellectual perception1 but still a great deal better than the little arithmetic teacher could have told her1 she understood the desire of that innocent person1 not for love1 not for happiness1 but just for leave to lay down her life for this friend1 this deity of hers1 to be consumed in sacrifice4 ,and the bitter and terrible thing was that she was not allowed to do it4 ,the friend had no use for the life1 the deity no appetite for the sacrifice4 ,don't think about it1 she said2 it seemed the best thing to say in the singular circumstances4 ,it will all come right4 ,by this time ,miss ,quincey had got the better of the sob in her throat4 ,it may1 she replied with dignity2 but ,i shall not be the first to make advances4 ,advances8 ,rather not4 ,but if ,i thought he was thinking things--he isn't1 you know1 he's not that sort2 still1 if ,i thought it ,i should have it out with him4 ,how could you have it--'out with him'8 ,oh ,i should just ask him what he thought of me2 or better still1 tell him what ,i thought of him4 ,miss ,quincey shrank visibly from the bold suggestion4 ,would you8 ,oh1 that would never do4 ,you won't mind my saying so1 but ,i think it would look a little indelicate4 ,of course it would be very different if it were a woman2 if it were you for instance4 ,i should do it any way4 ,it's the straightest thing4 ,i daresay1 dear1 in your friendships it is4 ,but ,i think you can hardly judge of this4 ,you do not know ,dr4 ,cautley as ,i do4 ,no1 said ,rhoda meekly1 perhaps ,i don't4 ,not for worlds would she have destroyed that beautiful illusion4 ,it has been1 continued ,miss ,quincey1 a very peculiar1 a very interesting relationship4 ,strange too--considering4 ,if you had asked me six months ago ,i should have told you that the thing was impossible1 or rather1 that in nine cases out of ten--,i mean ,i should have said it was highly improbable that ,dr4 ,cautley would take the faintest interest in me1 let alone like me4 ,he does like you1 dear ,miss ,quincey1 ,i know he does4 ,how do you know8 ,he told me so4 7,miss ,quincey quivered and a faint flush worked up through the sallow of her cheek47 ,and ,i'm sure he would be most distressed to think you were unhappy4 ,it is not unhappiness2 certainly not unhappiness4 ,on the contrary ,i have been happy1 quite happy lately4 ,and ,i think it has been bad for me4 ,i wasn't used to it4 ,perhaps1 if it had happened five-and-twenty years ago--,do not misunderstand me1 ,i am merely speaking of friendship1 dear2 but it might--,i mean ,i might-- ,far back in the chair and favoured by ,rhoda's silence1 ,miss ,quincey dropped into a dream4 ,presently she woke up as it were with a start4 ,what am ,i thinking of8 ,let us be reasonable2 let us reduce it to figures4 ,forty-five--thirty--he is thirty4 ,take twenty-five from thirty and five remain4 ,why1 ,rhoda1 he would have been-- ,they looked at each other1 but neither said3 ,he would have been five years old4 ,miss ,quincey seemed quite prostrated by the result of her calculations4 ,to everything that ,rhoda could urge to soothe her she answered steadily3 ,you do not know him as ,i do4 ,the voice was not ,miss ,quincey's voice2 it was the monotonous1 melancholy voice of the ,fixed ,idea4 ,her knowledge of him4 ,after all1 nothing could take from her the exquisite privacy of that possession4 99 99 99 99 99 ,eros anikate machan1 said ,rhoda4 ,miss ,quincey was gone and the ,classical ,mistress was in school again1 coaching a backward student through the ,antigone4 ,oh ,love1 unconquered in fight4 ,love who--,love who fliest1 who fliest about among things1 said the student4 ,and the teacher laughed4 ,laughed1 for the entertaining blunder called up a vivid image of the god in ,miss ,quincey's drawing-room1 fluttering about among the furniture and doing terrific damage with his wings4 ,what's wrong8 asked the student4 ,oh nothing2 only a slight confusion between flying about and falling upon4 ',oh ,love who fallest on the prey'2 please go on4 ',oh ,love who fallest on the prey'-- ,the chorus mumbled and stumbled1 and the student sighed heavily1 for the ,greek was hard4 ,he who has--he who has--,oh dear1 ,i can't see any sense in these old choruses2 ,i do hate them4 ,still1 said ,rhoda sweetly1 you mustn't murder them4 ',he who has love has madness4' ,the chorus limped to its end and the student left the coach to some curious reflections4 ,eros anikate machan6 ,oh ,love1 unconquered in fight6 ,it sang in her ears persistently1 joyously1 ironically--a wedding-song1 a battle-song1 a song of victory4 ,bastian ,cautley was right when he said that the race was to the swift and the battle to the strong4 ,how eager she had been for the fight1 how mad for the crowded course6 ,she had rushed on1 heat after heat1 outstripping all competitors and carrying off all the crowns and the judges' compliments at the end of the day4 ,she loved the race for its own sake1 this young athlete2 and though she took the crowns and the compliments very much as a matter of course1 she had come to look on life as nothing but an endless round of ,olympic games4 ,and just as she forgot each successive event in the excitement of the next1 she also had forgotten the losers and those who were tumbled in the dust4 ,until she had seen ,miss ,quincey4 ,miss ,quincey--so they had let her come to this among them all8 ,they had left her so bare of happiness that the first man 7it happened to be her doctor7 who spoke two kind words to her became necessary to her existence4 ,no1 that was hardly the way to put it2 it was underrating ,bastian ,cautley4 ,he was the sort of man that any woman--,but who would have thought it of ,miss ,quincey8 ,and the really sad thing was that she did not think it of herself2 it showed how empty of humanity her life had been4 ,it was odd how these things happened4 ,miss ,quincey was neither brilliant nor efficient1 but she had made the most of herself2 at least she had lived a life of grinding intellectual toil2 the whole woman had seemed absorbed in her miserable arithmetical function4 ,and yet at fifty 7she looked fifty7 she had contrived to develop that particular form of foolishness which it was ,miss ,cursiter's business to exterminate4 ,there were some of them who talked as if the thing was done2 as if competitive examinations had superseded the primitive rivalry of sex4 ,bastian ,cautley was right4 ,you may go on building as high as you please1 but you will never alter the original ground-plan of human nature4 ,and how she had scoffed at his man's view2 how indignantly she had repulsed his suggestion that there was a side to the subject that her friends the idealists were much too ideal to see4 ,were they really1 as ,bastian ,cautley put it1 so engrossed in producing a new type that they had lost sight of the individual8 ,was the system so far in accordance with ,nature that it was careless of the single life8 ,which was the only life open to most of them1 poor things4 ,and she had blundered more grossly than the system itself4 ,what1 after all1 had she done for that innocent whom she had made her friend8 ,she had taken everything from her4 ,she had promised to keep her place for her at ,st4 ,sidwell's and was monopolising it herself4 ,worse than that1 she had given her a friend with one hand and snatched him from her with the other4 7,if you came to think of it1 it was hard that she who had so much already could have ,bastian ,cautley too1 any day1 to play with1 or to keep--for her very own4 ,there was not a bit of him that could by any possibility belong to ,miss ,quincey47 ,she had tried to stand between her and her ,fate1 and she had become her ,fate4 ,worse than all1 she had kept from her the knowledge of the truth--the truth that might have cured her4 ,of course she had done that out of consideration for ,bastian ,cautley4 ,there it seemed that ,rhoda's regard for his feelings ended4 ,though she admitted ten times over that he was right1 she was by no means more disposed to come to an understanding with him on that account4 ,on the contrary1 when she saw him the very next evening 7poor ,bastian had chosen his moment indiscreetly7 she endeavoured to repair her blunders by visiting them on his irreproachable head1 dealing to him a certain painful1 but not wholly unexpected back-hander in the face4 ,she had done all she could for ,miss ,quincey4 ,at any rate1 she said to herself1 she had spared her the final blow4 ,,chapter ,,ix ,through the ,stethoscope ,one morning the ,mad ,hatter was madder than ever4 ,it was impossible to hold her attention4 ,the black eyes blazed as they wandered1 the paralytic pencil was hot in her burning fingers4 ,when she laid it down towards the end of the morning and rested her head on her hands1 ,miss ,quincey had not the heart to urge her to the loathsome toil4 ,she let her talk4 ,miss ,quincey1 said the ,mad ,hatter in a solemn whisper1 ,i'm going to tell you a secret4 ,do you see her8 ,she indicated ,miss ,rhoda ,vivian with the point of her pencil4 ,it was evident that ,laura ,lazarus did not adore the ,classical ,mistress1 and ,rhoda1 sick of her worshippers1 had found this attitude refreshing4 ,even now she bestowed a smile and a nod on the ,mad ,hatter that would have kept any other ,st4 ,sidwellite in a fortnight's ecstasy4 ,laura1 that is not the way to speak of your teachers4 ,the child raised the ,semitic arch of her eye-brows4 ,her face belonged to the type formed from all eternity for the expression of contempt4 ,she's not my teacher1 thank goodness4 ,do you know what ,i'm going to be some day1 when she's married and gone away8 ,i'm going to be what she is--,classical ,mistress4 ,i shan't have to do any sums for that1 you know4 ,i shall only have to know ,greek1 and isn't it a shame1 ,miss ,quincey1 they won't let me learn it till ,i'm in the ,fourth1 and ,i never shall be4 ,but--don't tell any one--they've stuck me here1 behind her now1 and when she's coaching that young idiot ,susie ,parker-- ,laura1 that is not the way to speak of your school-fellows4 ,i know it isn't1 but she is1 you know4 ,i've bought the books1 and ,i get behind them and ,i listen hard1 and ,i can read now4 ,what's more1 ,i've done a bit of a chorus4 ,look-- ,the pariah took a dirty bit of paper from the breast of her gown4 ,it goes1 ',oh ,love unconquered in battle1' and it's simply splendiferous4 ,miss ,quincey--when you like anything very much--or anybody--it doesn't matter which--do you turn red all over8 ,do you have creeps all down your back8 ,and do you feel it just here8 ,the child clapped her yellow claw to ,miss ,quincey's heart4 ,you do1 you do1 ,miss ,quincey2 ,i can see it go thump1 ,i can feel it go thud6 ,she gazed into the teacher's face1 and again the power of divination was upon her4 ,laura6 ,miss ,quincey gasped2 for the ,head had been looming in their neighbourhood1 a deadly peril1 and now she was sweeping down on them1 smiling a dangerous smile4 ,miss ,quincey1 ,i hope you've been making that child work1 said she and passed on4 ,i say6 ,she didn't see my verses1 did she8 ,you won't let on that ,i wrote them8 ,you'll never write verses1 said ,miss ,quincey1 deftly improving a bad occasion1 if you don't understand arithmetic4 ,why1 it's the science of numbers4 ,come now1 if ninety hogsheads-- ,oh-h6 ,i'm so tired of hogsheads2 mayn't it be firkins this time8 ,and1 for fancy's sake1 firkins ,miss ,quincey permitted it to be4 ,now ,rhoda was responsible for much1 but for what followed the ,mad ,hatter must1 strictly speaking1 be held accountable4 ,miss ,quincey had never been greatly interested in the movements of her heart2 but now that her attention had been drawn to them she admitted that it was beating in a very extraordinary way2 there was a decided palpitation1 a flutter4 ,that night she lay awake and listened to it4 ,it was going diddledy1 diddledy1 like the triplets in a ,beethoven sonata 7only that it had no idea of time72 then it suddenly left off till she put her hand over it1 when it gave a terrifying succession of runaway knocks4 ,then it pretended that it was going to stop altogether1 and ,miss ,quincey implicitly believed it and prepared to die4 ,then its tactics changed2 it seemed to have shifted its habitation2 to be rising and rising1 to be entangled with her collar-bone and struggling in her throat4 ,then it sank suddenly and lay like a lump of lead1 dragging her down through the mattress1 and through the bedstead1 and through the floor1 down to the bottom of all things4 ,miss ,quincey did not mind much2 she had been so unhappy4 ,and then it gave an alarming double-knock at her ribs1 and ,miss ,quincey came to life again as unhappy as ever4 ,and of what it all meant ,miss ,quincey had no more idea than the man in the moon1 though even the ,mad ,hatter could have told her4 ,her heart went through the same performance a second and a third night1 and ,miss ,quincey said to herself that if it happened again she would have to send for ,dr4 ,cautley4 ,nothing would have induced her to see him for a mere trifle1 but pride was one thing and prudence was another4 ,it did happen again1 and she sent4 ,she may have hoped that he would discover something wrong1 being dimly conscious that her chance lay there1 that suffering constituted the incontestable claim on his sympathy2 most distinctly she felt the desire 7monstrous of course in a woman of no account7 to wear the aureole of pain for its own sake2 to walk for a little while in the glory and glamour of death4 ,she did not want or mean to give any trouble1 to be a source of expense2 she had saved a little money for the supreme luxury4 ,but she had hardly entertained the idea for a moment when she dismissed it as selfish4 ,it was her duty to live1 for the sake of ,st4 ,sidwell's and of ,mrs4 ,moon2 and she was only calling ,dr4 ,cautley in to help her to do it4 ,but through it all the feeling uppermost was joy in the certainty that she would see him on an honourable pretext1 and would be able to set right that terrible misunderstanding4 ,she hardly expected him till late in the day2 so she was a little startled1 when she came in after morning school1 to find ,mrs4 ,moon waiting for her at the stairs1 quivering with indignation that could have but one cause4 ,he had lost no time in answering her summons4 ,the drawing-room door was ajar2 the ,old ,lady closed it mysteriously1 and pushed her niece into the bedroom behind4 ,will you tell me the meaning of this8 ,that man has been cooling his heels in there for the last ten minutes1 and he says you sent for him4 ,is that the case8 ,miss ,quincey meekly admitted that it was1 and entered upon a vague description of her trouble4 ,it's all capers and nonsense1 said the ,old ,lady1 there's nothing the matter with your heart4 ,you're just hysterical1 and you just want--8 ,i want to know1 and ,dr4 ,cautley will tell me4 ,oh ho6 ,i daresay he'll find some mare's nest fast enough1 if you tell him where to look4 ,miss ,quincey took off her hat and cape and laid them down with a sigh4 ,she gave a terrified glance at the looking-glass and smoothed her thin hair with her hand4 ,auntie--,i must go4 ,i can't keep him waiting any longer4 ,go then--,i won't stop you4 ,she went trembling1 followed so closely by ,mrs4 ,moon that she looked like a prisoner conducted to the dock4 ,how will he receive me8 she wondered4 ,he received her coldly and curtly4 ,there was a hurry and abstraction in his manner utterly unlike his former leisurely sympathy4 ,many causes contributed to this effect2 he was still all bruised and bleeding from the blow dealt to him by ,rhoda's strong young arm2 an epidemic had kept him on his legs all day and a great part of the night2 his time had never been so valuable1 and he had been obliged to waste ten minutes of it contemplating the furniture in that detestable drawing-room4 ,he was worried and overworked1 and ,miss ,quincey thought he was still offended2 his very appearance made her argue the worst4 ,no hope to-day of clearing up that terrible misunderstanding4 ,she tremulously obeyed his first brief order1 one by one undoing the buttons of her dress1 laying bare her poor chest1 all flat and formless as a child's4 ,a momentary gentleness came over him as he adjusted the tubes of his stethoscope and began the sounding1 backwards and forwards from heart to lungs1 and from lungs to heart again2 while the ,old ,lady looked on as merry as ,destiny1 and nodded her head and smiled1 as much to say1 ,tchee-tchee1 what a farce it is6 ,he put up the stethoscope with a click4 ,there is nothing the matter with you4 ,mrs4 ,moon gave out a subdued ironical chuckle4 ,miss ,quincey looked anxiously into his face4 ,do you not think the heart--the heart is a little--8 ,he smiled and at the same time he sighed4 ,heart's all right4 ,but you've left off your tonic4 ,she had1 she was afraid that so much poison-- ,poison8 7,he was not in the least offended47 ,do you mean the arsenic8 ,there are some poisons you can't live without2 but you must take them in moderation4 ,will you--will you want to see me again8 ,it will not be necessary4 ,at that ,mrs4 ,moon's chuckle broke all bounds and burst into a triumphant ,tchee-tchee-chee6 ,he went away under cover of it4 ,it was her way of putting a pleasant face on the matter4 ,she hardly waited till his back was turned before she delivered herself of that which was working within her4 ,i tell you what it is1 ,juliana2 you're a silly woman4 ,miss ,quincey looked up with a faint premonitory fear4 ,her fingers began nervously buttoning and unbuttoning her dress bodice2 while half-dressed and shivering she waited the attack4 ,and a pretty exhibition you've made of yourself this day4 ,anybody might have thought you wanted to let that young man see what was the matter with you4 ,so ,i did4 ,he says there is nothing the matter with me4 ,nothing the matter with you1 indeed6 ,he knows well enough what's the matter with you4 ,the victim was staring now1 with terror in her tired eyes4 ,her mouth dropped open with the question her tongue refused to utter4 ,if you1 continued ,mrs4 ,moon1 had wanted to tell him plainly that you were in love with him1 you couldn't have set about it better4 ,i should have thought you'd have been ashamed to look him in the face--at your age4 ,you're a disgrace to my family6 ,the poor fingers ceased their labour of buttoning and unbuttoning2 ,miss ,quincey sat with her shoulders naked as it were to the lash4 ,there6 said ,mrs4 ,moon with an air of drawing back the whip and putting it by for the present4 ,if ,i were you ,i'd cover myself up1 and not sit there catching cold with my dress-body off4 ,,chapter ,x ,miss ,quincey ,stands ,back ,as it happened on a ,saturday morning she had plenty of time to think about it4 ,all the afternoon and the evening and the night lay before her2 she was powerless to cope with ,sunday and the night beyond that4 ,the remarkable revelation made to her by ,mrs4 ,moon was so great a shock that her mind refused to realize it all at once4 ,it was an outrage to all the meek reticences and chastities of her spirit4 ,but she owned its truth2 she saw it now1 the thing they all had seen1 that she only could not see4 ,she had sinned the sin of sins1 the sin of youth in middle-age4 ,now it was not imagination in ,miss ,quincey1 so much as the tradition of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 that gave her innocent affection the proportions of a crime4 ,miss ,quincey had lived all her life in ignorance of her own nature1 having spent the best part of five-and-forty years in acquiring other knowledge4 ,she had nothing to go upon1 for she had never been young2 or rather she had treated her youth unkindly1 she had fed it on saw-dust and given it nothing but arithmetic books to play with1 so that its experiences were of no earthly use to her4 ,and now1 if they had only let her alone1 she might have been none the wiser2 her folly might have put on many quaint disguises1 friendship1 literary sympathy1 intellectual esteem--there were a thousand delicate subterfuges and innocent hypocrisies1 and under any one of them it might have crept about unchallenged in the shadows and blind alleys of thought4 ,as love pure and simple1 if it came to that1 there was no harm in it4 ,many an old maid1 older than she1 has just such a secret folded up and put away all sweet and pure2 the poor lady does not call it love1 but remembrance1 which is so to speak love laid in lavender2 and she--who knows8 ,she might have contrived a little shrine for it somewhere2 she had always understood that love was a holy thing4 ,unfortunately1 when a holy thing has been pulled about and dragged in the mud1 it may be as holy as ever but it will never look the same4 ,in ,miss ,quincey's case mortal passion had been shaken out of its sleep and forced to look at itself before it had time to put on a shred of immortality4 ,in the sudden glare it stood out monstrous1 naked and ashamed2 she herself had helped to deprive it of all the delicacies and amenities that made it tolerable to thought4 ,with her own hands she had delivered it up to the stethoscope4 ,he knew1 he knew4 ,in the mad rush of her ideas one sentence detached itself from the torrent4 ,he knows well enough what's the matter with you4 ,the nature of the crime was such that there was no possibility or explanation or defence against the accuser whose condemnation weighed heaviest on her soul4 ,he loomed before her1 hovered over her1 with the tubes of the heart-probing stethoscope in his ears 7as a matter of fact they gave him a somewhat grotesque appearance1 remotely suggestive of a ,hindoo idol2 but ,miss ,quincey had not noticed that72 his bumpy forehead was terrible with intelligence2 his eyes were cold and comprehensive2 the smile of a foregone conclusion flickered on his lips4 ,he must have known it all the time4 ,there never had been any misunderstanding4 ,that was the clue to his conduct2 that was the reason why he had left off coming to the house2 for he was the soul of delicacy and honour4 ,and yet she had never said a word that might be interpreted--,he must have seen it in her face1 then1--that day--when she allowed herself to sit with him in the park4 ,she remembered--things that he had said to her--did they mean that he had seen8 ,she saw it all as he had seen it4 ,delicacy and honour indeed6 ,disgust and contempt would be more likely feelings4 ,she lay awake all ,saturday night and all ,sunday night1 until four o'clock on ,monday morning2 always reviewing the situation1 always going over the same patch of ground in the desperate hope of finding some place where her self-respect could rest1 and discovering nothing but the traces of her guilty feet4 ,a subtler woman would have flourished lightly over the territory1 till she had whisked away every vestige of her trail2 another would have seen the humour of the situation and blown the whole thing into the inane with a burst of healthy laughter2 but subtlety and humour were not ,miss ,quincey's strong points4 ,she could do nothing but creep shivering to bed and lie there1 face to face with her own enormity4 ,on ,monday morning and on many mornings after she crept out into the street stealthily1 like a criminal seeking some shelter where she could hide her head4 ,she acquired a habit--odd enough to the casual onlooker--of slinking cautiously round every turning and rushing every crossing in her abject terror of meeting ,bastian ,cautley4 ,there was nobody to tell her that it would not matter if she did meet him2 no cheerful woman of the world to smile in her frightened face and say3 ,my dear ,miss ,quincey1 there is nothing remarkable in this4 ,we all do it1 sooner or later4 ,too late8 ,not a bit of it2 better too late than never1 and if it's that ,cautley man ,i'm sure ,i don't wonder4 ,i'm in love with him myself4 ,lost your self-respect1 have you8 ,self-respect1 indeed1 why bless your soul1 you are all the nicer for it4 ,as for hiding your head ,i never heard such rubbish in my life4 ,nobody is looking at you--certainly not the ,cautley man4 ,in fact1 to tell you the truth1 at this moment he is particularly engaged in looking the other way4 ,but ,miss ,quincey did not know that lady4 ,she knew no one but ,rhoda and ,mrs4 ,moon2 and if ,mrs4 ,moon was too old1 ,rhoda was too young to take that view2 besides1 ,mrs4 ,moon was not a woman of the world and no ridiculous delicacy prompted her to look the other way4 ,in any case ,juliana's state of mind1 advertised as it was by her complexion and many eccentricities of behaviour1 could not have escaped her notice4 ,the ,old ,lady had reverted to her former humorous attitude1 and was trying whether ,juliana's state of mind would not yield to skilfully directed banter4 ,in these tactics she was not left unsupported4 ,louisa had written a long letter about her husband and her children1 with a postscript4 ,p4,s4--,i don't half like what you tell me about ,juliana and ,dr4 ,c--4 ,for goodness' sake don't encourage her in any of that nonsense4 ,sit on it4 ,laugh her out of it4 ,i agree with you that it would be better if she cultivated her mind a little more4 ,p4,p4,s4--,andrew has just come in4 ,he says we oughtn't to call her ,juliana1 but ,fooliana4 ,so laughed ,louisa1 the married woman4 ,and ,fooliana she was called4 ,the joke was quite unworthy of the ,greek ,professor's reputation1 but for ,mrs4 ,moon's purposes he could hardly have made a better one4 ,louisa had put a terrible weapon into the ,old ,lady's hands4 ,it was many weapons in one4 ,it could be turned on in all its broad robust humour--,fooliana6 ,or refined away into a playful or delicate suggestion1 pointed with an uplifted finger--,fooli6 ,or cut down and compressed into its essential meaning--,fool6 ,but whichever missile came handy1 the effect was much the same4 ,juliana's complexion grew redder or grayer1 but her state of mind remained unchanged4 ,sometimes the ,old ,lady tried a graver method4 ,if you would cultivate your mind a little in the evenings you would have no time for all this nonsense4 ,but ,juliana had abandoned the cultivation of her mind4 ,she made no attempt to pay off that small outstanding debt to ,sordello4 ,there was an end of the intellectual life2 for the living wells of literature were tainted2 ,browning had become a bitter memory and ,tennyson a shame4 ,but if ,miss ,quincey had no heart for ,general ,culture1 she was busier than ever in the discharge of her regular duties4 ,at the end of the midsummer term the pressure on the staff was heavy4 ,her work had grown with the growth of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 and the pile of marble and granite copy-books rose higher than ever2 it was monumental1 and ,miss ,quincey was glad enough to bury her grief under it for a time4 ,indeed it looked as if in ,st4 ,sidwell's she had found the shelter where she could hide her head2 and a very desirable shelter too1 as long as ,mrs4 ,moon continued in that lively temper4 ,gradually she began to realize that of all those five hundred pairs of eyes there was none that had discovered her secret2 that not one of those busy brains was occupied with her affairs4 ,it was a relief to lose herself among them all and be of no account again4 ,in the corner behind ,rhoda ,vivian she and the ,mad ,hatter seemed to be clinging together more than ever in an ecstasy of isolation4 ,after all1 above the turmoil of emotion a little tremulous1 attenuated ideal was trying to raise its head4 ,her duty4 ,she dimly discerned a possibility of deliverance1 of purification from her sin4 ,therefore she clung more desperately than ever to her post4 ,seeing that she had served the system for five-and-twenty years1 it was hard if she could not get from it a little protection against her own weakness1 if she could not claim the intellectual support it professed to give4 ,it was the first time she had ever put it to the test4 ,if she could only stay on another year or two-- ,and now at the very end of the midsummer term it really looked as if ,st4 ,sidwell's was anxious to keep her4 ,everybody was curiously kind2 the staff cast friendly glances on her as she sat in her corner2 ,rhoda was almost passionate in her tenderness4 ,even ,miss ,cursiter seemed softened4 ,she had left off saying ,stand back1 ,miss ,quincey1 if you please2 and ,miss ,quincey began to wonder what it all meant4 ,she was soon to know4 ,one night1 the last of the term1 the ,classical ,mistress was closeted with the ,head4 ,rhoda1 elbow-deep in examination papers1 had been critically considering seventy variously ingenious renderings of a certain chorus1 when the sudden rapping of a pen on the table roused her from her labours4 ,you must see for yourself1 ,rhoda1 how we are placed4 ,we must keep up to a certain standard of efficiency in the staff4 ,miss ,quincey is getting past her work4 7,rhoda became instantly absorbed in sharpening a pencil47 ,for the last two terms she has been constantly breaking down2 and now ,i'm very much afraid she is breaking-up4 ,the ,head remained solemnly unconscious of her own epigram4 ,no wonder1 said ,rhoda to herself1 first love at fifty is new wine in old bottles2 everybody knows what happens to the bottles4 ,the flush and the frown on the ,classical ,mistress's face might have been accounted for by the sudden snapping of the pencil4 ,you see1 continued ,miss ,cursiter1 as if defending herself from some accusation conveyed by the frown1 as it is we have kept her on a long while for her sister's sake4 7,a murmur from the ,classical ,mistress47 ,of course we must put it to her prettily1 wrap it up--in tissue paper4 7,the ,classical ,mistress is still inarticulate47 ,you are not giving me your opinion4 ,it seems to me ,i've said a great deal more than ,i've any right to say4 ,oh you4 ,we know all about that4 ,i asked for your opinion4 ,and when ,i gave it you told me ,i was under an influence4 ,what if ,i did8 ,and what if it were so8 ,what indeed8 ,you would get the benefit of two opinions instead of one4 ,now if ,miss ,cursiter were thinking of ,dr4 ,cautley there was some point in what ,rhoda said2 for in the back of her mind the ,head had a curious respect for masculine judgment4 ,there can be no two opinions about ,miss ,quincey4 ,i don't know4 ,miss ,quincey1 said ,rhoda thoughtfully to her pencil1 is a large subject4 ,yes1 if you mean that ,miss ,quincey is a terrible legacy from the past4 ,the question for me is--how long am ,i to let her hamper our future8 ,the future8 ,it strikes me that we're not within shouting distance of the future4 ,we talk as if we could see the end1 and we're nowhere near it1 we're in all the muddle of the middle--that's why we're hampered with ,miss ,quincey and other interesting relics of the past4 ,we are slowly getting rid of them4 ,at that ,rhoda blazed up4 ,she was young1 and she was reckless1 and she had too many careers open to her to care much about consequences4 ,miss ,cursiter had asked for her opinion and she should have it with a vengeance4 ,it's not enough to get rid of them4 ,we ought to provide for them4 ,who or what do we provide for1 if it comes to that8 ,we're always talking about specialisation1 and the fact is we haven't specialised enough4 ,don't we give the same test papers to everybody8 ,i shall be happy to set separate papers for each girl if you'll undertake to correct them4 ,the more ,rhoda fired the more ,miss ,cursiter remained cold4 ,that's just it--we couldn't if we tried4 ,we know nothing about each girl4 ,that's where we shall have to specialise in the future if we're to do any good4 ,we've specialised enough with our teachers and our subjects2 chipped and chopped till we can't divide them any more2 and we've taken our girls in the lump4 ,we know less about them than they do themselves4 ,as for the teachers-- ,which by the way brings us back to ,miss ,quincey4 ,everything brings us back to ,miss ,quincey4 ,miss ,quincey will be always with us4 ,we must put younger women in her place4 ,rhoda winced as though ,miss ,cursiter had struck her4 ,they will soon grow old4 ,our profession is a cruel one4 ,it uses up the finest and most perishable parts of a woman's nature4 ,it takes the best years of her life--and throws the rest away4 ,yet thousands of women are willing to take it up1 and leave comfortable homes to do it too4 ,yes1 sighed ,rhoda1 it's the rush for the open door4 ,my dear ,rhoda1 the women's labour market is the same as every other4 ,the best policy is the policy of the open door4 ,don't you see that the remedy is to open it wider--wider6 ,and when we've opened all the doors as wide as ever they'll go1 what then8 ,where are we going to8 ,i can't tell you4 ,miss ,cursiter looked keenly at her4 ,do you mean that you'll go no further unless you know8 ,rhoda was silent4 ,there are faults in the system4 ,i can see that as well as you1 perhaps better4 ,i am growing old too1 ,rhoda4 ,but you are youth itself4 ,it is women like you we want--to save us4 ,are you going to turn your back on us8 ,miss ,cursiter bore down on her with her steady gaze1 a gaze that was a menace and an appeal1 and ,rhoda gave a little gasp as if for breath4 ,i can't go any farther4 ,do you realize what this means8 ,you are not a deserter from the ranks4 ,it is the second in command going over to the enemy4 ,the words were cold1 but there was a fiery court-martial in ,miss ,cursiter's eyes that accused and condemned her4 ,if ,rhoda had been dashing her head against the barrack walls her deliverance was at hand4 ,it seemed that she could never strike a blow for ,miss ,quincey without winning the battle for herself4 ,i can't help it1 said she4 ,i hate it--,i hate the system4 ,the system8 ,suppose you do away with it--do away with every woman's college in the kingdom--have you anything to put in its place8 ,no4 ,i have nothing to put in its place4 ,ah1 said ,miss ,cursiter1 you are older than ,i thought4 ,rhoda smiled4 ,by this time1 wrong or right1 she was perfectly reckless4 ,if everybody was right in rejecting ,miss ,quincey1 there was rapture in being wildly and wilfully in the wrong4 ,she had flung up the game4 ,miss ,cursiter saw it4 ,i was right1 said she4 ,you are under an influence1 and a dangerous one4 ,perhaps--but1 influence for influence 7here ,rhoda returned ,miss ,cursiter's gaze intrepidly71 ,i'm not far wrong4 ,i honestly think that if we persist in turning out these intellectual monstrosities we shall hand over worse incompetents than ,miss ,quincey to the next generation4 ,rhoda was intrepid2 all the same she reddened as she realized what a mouthpiece she had become for ,bastian ,cautley's theories and temper4 ,my dear ,rhoda1 you're an intellectual monstrosity yourself4 ,i know4 ,and in another twenty years' time they'll want to get rid of me4 ,of me too1 thought the ,head4 ,miss ,cursiter felt curiously old and worn4 ,she had invoked ,rhoda's youth and it had risen up against her4 ,influence for influence1 her power was dead4 ,rhoda had talked at length in the hope of postponing judgment in ,miss ,quincey's case2 now she was anxious to get back to ,miss ,quincey1 to escape judgment in her own4 ,and how about ,miss ,quincey8 she asked4 ,miss ,cursiter had nothing to say about ,miss ,quincey4 ,she had done with that section of her subject4 ,she understood that ,rhoda had said in effect1 ,if ,miss ,quincey goes1 ,i go too4 ,nevertheless her mind was made up2 in tissue paper1 all ready for ,miss ,quincey4 ,unfortunately tissue paper is more or less transparent1 and ,miss ,quincey had no difficulty in perceiving the grounds of her dismissal when presented to her in this neat way4 ,not even when ,miss ,cursiter said to her1 at the close of the interview they had early the next morning1 ,for your own sake1 dear ,miss ,quincey1 ,i feel we must forego your valuable--most valuable services4 ,miss ,cursiter hesitated1 warned by something in the aspect of the tiny woman who had been a thorn in her side so long4 ,somehow1 for this occasion1 the most incompetent1 most insignificant member of her staff had contrived to clothe herself with a certain nobility4 ,she was undeniably the more dignified of the two4 ,the ,head1 usually so eloquent at great moments1 found actual difficulty in getting to the end of her next sentence4 ,what ,i was thinking of--really again entirely for your own sake--was whether it would not be better for you to take a little longer holiday4 ,i do feel in your case the imperative necessity for rest4 ,indeed if you found that you wished to retire at the end of the holidays--of course receiving your salary for the term-- ,try as she would to speak as though she were conferring a benefit1 the ,head had the unmistakable air of asking a favour from her subordinate1 of imploring her help in a delicate situation1 of putting it to her honour4 ,miss ,quincey's honour was more than equal to the demand made on it4 ,she had sunk so low in her own eyes lately that she was glad to gain some little foothold for her poor pride4 ,she faced ,miss ,cursiter bravely with her innocent dim eyes as she answered3 ,i am ready to go1 ,miss ,cursiter1 whenever it is most convenient to you2 but ,i cannot think of taking payment for work ,i have not done4 ,my dear ,miss ,quincey1 the rule is always a term's notice--or if--if any other arrangement is agreed upon1 a term's salary4 ,there can be no question--you must really allow me-- ,there ,miss ,cursiter's address failed her and her voice faltered4 ,she had extracted the thorn2 but it had worked its way deeper than she knew1 and the operation was a painful one4 ,a few compliments on the part of the ,head1 and the hope that ,st4 ,sidwell's would not lose sight of ,miss ,quincey altogether1 and the interview was closed4 ,it was understood by the end of the morning that ,miss ,quincey had sent in her resignation4 ,the news spread from class to class--,miss ,quincey is going--and was received by pupils and teachers with cries of incredulity4 ,after all1 ,miss ,quincey belonged to ,st4 ,sidwell's2 she was part and parcel of the place2 her blood and bones had been built into its very walls1 and her removal was not to be contemplated without dismay4 ,why1 what would a procession be like without ,miss ,quincey to enliven it8 ,and so1 as she went her last round1 a score of hands that had never clasped hers in friendship were stretched out over the desks in a wild leave-taking2 three girls had tears in their eyes2 one1 more emotional than the rest1 sobbed audibly without shame4 ,the staff were unanimous in their sympathy and regret4 ,rhoda withdrew hastily from the painful scene4 ,only the ,mad ,hatter in her corner made no sign4 ,she seemed to take the news of ,miss ,quincey's departure with a resigned philosophy4 ,well1 little ,classical ,mistress1 said ,miss ,quincey1 we must say good-bye4 ,you know ,i'm going4 ,the child nodded her small head4 ,of course you're going4 ,i might have known it4 ,i did know it all along4 ,you were booked to go4 ,why1 ,laura8 ,miss ,quincey was mystified and a little hurt4 ,because--a sinister convulsion passed over the ugly little pariah face--because--the ,mad ,hatter had learnt the force of under-statement--because ,i like you4 ,at that ,miss ,quincey broke down4 ,my dear little girl--,i am going because ,i am too old to stay4 ,write to me1 dear1 she said at the last moment2 let me know how you are getting on4 ,but she never knew4 ,the ,mad ,hatter did not write4 ,in fact she never wrote anything again1 not even verses4 ,she was handed over next term to ,miss ,quincey's brilliant and efficient successor1 who made her work hard1 with the result that the ,mad ,hatter got ill of a brain fever just before the ,christmas holidays and was never fit for any more work2 and never became ,classical ,mistress or anything else in the least distinguished4 ,but this is by the way4 ,as the ,college clock struck one1 ,miss ,quincey walked home as usual and went up into her bedroom without a word4 ,she opened a drawer and took from it her ,post ,office ,savings ,bank book and looked over her account4 ,there stood to her credit the considerable sum of twenty-seven pounds four shillings and eight pence4 ,no1 not quite that1 for the blouse1 the abominable blouse1 had been paid for out of her savings and it had cost a guinea4 ,twenty-six pounds three shillings and eight pence was all that she had saved in five-and-twenty years4 ,this1 with the term's salary which ,miss ,cursiter had insisted on1 was enough to keep her going for a year4 ,and a year is a long time4 ,she came slowly downstairs to the drawing-room where her aunt was dozing and dreaming in her chair4 ,there still hung about her figure the indefinable dignity that had awed ,miss ,cursiter4 ,if she was afraid of ,mrs4 ,moon she was too proud to show her fear4 ,this morning1 she said simply1 ,i received my dismissal4 ,the old lady looked up dazed1 not with the news but with her dream4 ,miss ,quincey repeated her statement4 ,do you mean you are not going back to that place there8 she asked mildly4 ,i am never going back4 ,still with dignity she waited for the burst of feeling she felt to be justifiable in the circumstances4 ,none came2 neither anger1 nor indignation1 nor contempt1 not even surprise4 ,in fact the ,old ,lady was smiling placidly1 as she was wont to smile under the spell of the dream4 ,slowly1 very slowly1 it was dawning upon her that the reproach had been taken away from the memory of ,tollington ,moon4 ,henceforth his niece ,miss ,quincey would be a gentlewoman at large4 ,at the same time it struck her that after all poor ,juliana did not look so very old4 ,very well then1 said she1 if ,i were you ,i should put on that nice silk blouse in the evenings4 ,,chapter ,,xi ,dr4 ,cautley ,sends in his ,bill ,i wonder1 ,mrs4 ,moon observed suddenly one morning1 if that man is going to let his bill run on to the day of judgment8 ,the ,old ,lady had not even distantly alluded to ,dr4 ,cautley for as many as ten months4 ,after the great day of what she called ,juliana's resignation she seemed to have tacitly agreed that since ,juliana had spared her dream she would spare ,juliana's4 ,did she not know1 she too1 that the dream is the reality8 ,as ,miss ,quincey1 gentlewoman at large1 ,juliana had a perfect right to set up a dream of her own2 as to whether she was able to afford the luxury1 ,juliana was the best judge4 ,her present wonder1 then1 had no malignant reference2 it was simply wrung from her by inexorable economy4 ,juliana's supplies were calculated to last a year2 as it was the winter season that they had lately weathered1 she was rather more than three-quarters of the way through her slender resources1 and it behoved them to look out for bills ahead4 ,and ,mrs4 ,moon had always suspected that young man1 not only of a passion for mare's-nesting1 but of deliberately and systematically keeping back his accounts that he might revel in a larger haul4 ,the remark1 falling with a shock all the greater for a silence of ten months1 had the effect of driving ,juliana out of the room4 ,out of the room and out of the house1 down ,high ,street1 where ,hunter's shop was already blossoming in another spring2 up ,park ,street and past the long wall of ,st4 ,sidwell's1 till she found herself alone in ,primrose ,hill ,park4 ,the young day was so glorious that ,miss ,quincey had some thoughts of climbing ,primrose ,hill and sitting on the top2 but after twenty yards or so of it she abandoned the attempt4 ,for the last few months her heart had been the seat of certain curious sensations1 so remarkably like those she had experienced in the summer that she took them for the same1 and sternly resolved to suppress their existence by ignoring it4 ,that1 she understood1 was the right treatment for hysteria4 ,but this morning ,miss ,quincey's heart protested so violently against her notion of ascending ,primrose ,hill1 threatening indeed to strangle her if she persisted in it1 that ,miss ,quincey unwillingly gave in and contented herself with a seat in one of the lower walks of the park4 ,there she leaned back and looked about her1 but with no permanent interest in one thing more than another4 ,presently1 as she settled down to quieter breathing1 there came to her a strange sensation1 that grew till it became an unusually vivid perception of the outer world2 a perception mingled with a still stranger double vision1 a sense that seemed to be born in the dark of the brain and to be moving there to a foregone conclusion4 ,and all the time her eyes were busy1 now with a bush of ,may in crimson blossom1 now with the many-pointed leaves of a sycamore pricked against the blue2 now with the straight rectangular paths that made the park an immense mathematical diagram4 ,from where she sat her eyes swept the length of the wide walk that cuts the green from east to west4 ,far down at the west end was a seat1 and she could see two people1 a man and a woman1 sitting on it2 they must have been there a quarter of an hour or more2 she had noticed them ever since she came into the park4 ,they had risen1 and her gaze left everything else to follow them2 or rather1 it went to meet them1 for they had turned and were coming slowly eastward now4 ,they had stopped2 they were facing each other1 and her gaze rested with them1 fascinated yet uncertain4 ,and now she could see nothing else2 the park1 with the regions beyond it and the sky above it1 had become merely a setting for one man and one woman2 the avenue1 fresh strewn with red golden gravel1 led up to them and ended there at their feet2 a young poplar trembled in the wind and shook its silver green fans above them in delicate confusion4 ,the next minute a light went up in that obscure and prophetic background of her brain2 and she saw ,rhoda ,vivian and ,bastian ,cautley coming towards her1 greeting her1 with their kind faces shining4 ,she rose1 turned from them1 and went slowly home4 ,it was the last rent in the veil of illusion that ,rhoda had spun so well4 ,up till then ,miss ,quincey had seen only half the truth4 ,now she had seen the whole1 with all that ,rhoda had disguised and kept hidden from her2 the truth that kills or cures4 ,miss ,quincey did not go out again that day1 but sat all afternoon silent in her chair4 ,towards evening she became talkative and stayed up later than had been her wont since she recovered her freedom4 ,she seemed to be trying to make up to her aunt for a want of sociability in the past4 ,at eleven she got up and stood before the ,old ,lady in the attitude of a penitent4 ,apparently she had been seized with a mysterious impulse of confession4 ,aunt1 she said1 there's something ,i want to say to you4 ,she paused1 casting about in her mind for the sins she had committed4 ,they were three in all4 ,i am afraid ,i have been very extravagant--she was thinking of the blouse--and--and very foolish--she was thinking of ,bastian ,cautley--and very selfish--she was thinking of her momentary desire to die4 ,juliana1 if you're worrying about that money--the ,old ,lady was thinking of nothing else--don't4 ,i've plenty for us both4 ,as long as we can keep together ,i don't care what ,i eat1 nor what ,i drink1 nor what ,i put on my poor back4 ,and if the worst comes to the worst ,i'll sell the furniture4 ,it seemed to ,miss ,quincey that she had never known her aunt in all those five-and-twenty years2 never known her until this minute4 ,for perhaps1 after all1 being angry with ,juliana was only ,mrs4 ,moon's way of being sorry for her4 ,but how was ,juliana to know that8 ,only1 continued the ,old ,lady1 ,i won't part with your uncle's picture4 ,don't ask me to part with your uncle's picture4 ,you won't have to part with anything4 ,i'll--,i'll get something to do4 ,i'm not worrying4 ,there's nothing to worry about4 ,she stooped down and tenderly kissed the wrinkled forehead4 ,a vague fear clutched at the ,old ,lady's heart4 ,then1 ,juliana1 you are not well4 ,hadn't you better see--she hesitated--pausing with unwonted delicacy for her words--a doctor8 ,i don't want to see a doctor4 ,there is nothing the matter with me4 ,and still insisting that there was nothing the matter with her1 she went to bed4 ,and old ,martha had come with her early morning croak to call ,miss ,juliana2 she had dumped down the hot-water can in the basin with a clash1 pulled up the blind with a jerk1 and drawn back the curtains with a clatter1 before she noticed that ,miss ,juliana was up all the time4 ,up and dressed1 and sitting in her chair by the hearth1 warming her feet at an imaginary fire4 ,she had been sitting up all night1 for her bed was as ,martha had left it the night before4 ,martha approached cautiously1 still feeling her way1 though there was no need for it1 the room being full of light4 ,she groped like a blind woman for ,miss ,juliana's forehead1 laying her hand there before she looked into her face4 ,after some fumbling futile experiments with brandy1 a looking-glass and a feather1 old ,martha hid these things carefully out of sight2 she disarranged the bed1 turning back the clothes as they might have been left by one newly wakened and risen out of it2 drew a shawl over the head and shoulders of the figure in the chair2 pulled down the blind and closed the curtains till the room was dark again4 ,then she groped her way out and down the stairs to her mistress's door4 ,there she stayed a moment1 gathering her feeble wits together for the part she meant to play4 ,she had made up her mind what she would do4 ,so she called the ,old ,lady as usual2 said she was afraid there was something the matter with ,miss ,juliana2 thought she might have got up a bit too early and turned faint like4 ,the ,old ,lady answered that she would come and see2 and the two crept up the stairs1 and went groping their way in the dark of the curtained room4 ,old ,martha fumbled a long time with the blind2 she drew back the curtains little by little1 with infinite precaution letting in the light upon the fearful thing4 ,but the ,old ,lady approached it boldly4 ,don't you know me1 ,jooley dear8 she said1 peering into the strange eyes4 ,there was no recognition in them for all their staring4 ,don't know me1 m'm1 said ,martha soothingly2 seems all of a white swoon1 don't she8 ,martha was warming to her part4 ,she made herself busy2 she brought hot water bottles and eau de cologne2 she spent twenty minutes chafing the hands and forehead and laying warmth to the feet1 that the ,old ,lady might have the comfort of knowing that everything had been done that could be done4 ,she shuffled off to find brandy1 as if she had only thought of it that instant2 and she played out the play with the looking-glass and the feather4 ,the feather fluttered to the floor1 and ,martha ceased bending and peering1 and looked at her mistress4 ,she's gone1 m'm1 ,i do believe4 ,the ,old ,lady sank by the chair1 her arms clinging to those rigid knees4 ,jooley--,jooley--don't you know me8 she cried1 as if in a passion of affront4 ,,chapter ,,xii ,epilogue4--,the ,man and the ,woman ,by daylight there is neither glamour nor beauty in the great burying-ground of ,north ,london2 you must go to it at evening1 in the first fall of the summer dusk1 to feel the fascination of that labyrinth of low graves1 crosses and headstones1 urns and sarcophagi1 crowded in the black-green of the grass2 of marble columns1 granite pyramids and obelisks1 massed and reared and piled in the grey of the air4 ,it is nothing if not fantastic4 ,even by day that same mad grouping and jostling of monumental devices1 gathered together from the ends of the world1 gives to the place a cheerful half-pagan character2 now1 in its confusion and immensity1 it might be some city of dreams1 tossed up in cloud and foam and frozen into marble2 some aerial half-way limbo where life slips a little from the living and death from the dead4 ,for these have their own way here4 ,no priest interferes with them1 and whatever secular power ordains these matters is indulgent to its children4 ,if one of them would have his horse or his dog carved on his tomb instead of an angel1 or a pair of compasses instead of a cross1 there is no one to thwart his fancy4 ,he may even be humorous if he will4 ,it is as if he implored us to laugh with him a little while though the jest be feeble1 and not to chill him with so many tears4 ,at twilight a man and a woman were threading their way through this cemetery1 and as they went they smiled faintly at the memorial caprices of the living and the still quainter originalities of the dead4 ,but on the whole they seemed to be trying not to look too happy4 ,they said nothing to each other till they came to a mound raised somewhere in the borderland that divides the graves of the rich from the paupers' ground4 ,there was just room for them to stand together on the boards that roofed in the narrow pit dug ready for the next comer4 ,if ,i believed in a ,creator 7it was the man who spoke71 ,i should want to know what pleasure he found in creating that poor little woman4 ,the woman did not answer as she looked at him4 ,yet1 he went on1 ,i'm selfish enough to be glad that she lived4 ,if ,i had not known ,miss ,quincey1 ,i should not have known you4 ,and ,i1 said the woman1 and her face was rosy under the touch of grief1 if ,i had not loved ,miss ,quincey1 ,i could not have loved you4 ,they seemed to think ,miss ,quincey had justified her existence4 ,perhaps she had4 ,and the woman took the roses that she wore in her belt and laid them on the breast of the grave4 ,she stood for a minute studying the effect with a shamefaced look1 as if she had mocked the dead woman with flowers flung from her wedding-wreath of youth and joy4 ,then she turned to the man2 the closing bell tolled1 and they passed through the iron gates into the ways of the living4 ,,the ,,end