,,back ,,to ,,methuselah ,a ,metabiological ,pentateuch by ,,bernard ,,shaw #aiba ,contents ,the ,infidel ,half ,century ,the ,dawn of ,darwinism ,the ,advent of the ,neo-,darwinians ,political ,inadequacy of the ,human ,animal ,cowardice of the ,irreligious ,is there any ,hope in ,education8 ,homeopathic ,education ,the ,diabolical ,efficiency of ,technical ,education ,flimsiness of ,civilization ,creative ,evolution ,voluntary ,longevity ,the ,early ,evolutionists ,the ,advent of the ,neo-,lamarckians ,how ,acquirements are ,inherited ,the ,miracle of ,condensed ,recapitulation ,heredity an ,old ,story ,discovery ,anticipated by ,divination ,corrected ,dates for the ,discovery of ,evolution ,defying the ,lightning3 a ,frustrated ,experiment ,in ,quest of the ,first ,cause ,paley's ,watch ,the ,irresistible ,cry of ,order1 ,order6 ,the ,moment and the ,man ,the ,brink of the ,bottomless ,pit ,why ,darwin ,converted the ,crowd ,how we ,rushed ,down a ,steep ,place ,darwinism not ,finally ,refutable ,three ,blind ,mice ,the ,greatest of ,these is ,self-,control ,a ,sample of ,lamarcko-,shavian ,invective ,the ,humanitarians and the ,problem of ,evil ,how ,one ,touch of ,darwin makes the ,whole ,world ,kin ,why ,darwin ,pleased the ,socialists ,darwin and ,karl ,marx ,why ,darwin pleased the ,profiteers also ,the ,poetry and ,purity of ,materialism ,the ,viceroys of the ,king of ,kings ,political ,opportunism in ,excelsis ,the ,betrayal of ,western ,civilization ,circumstantial ,selection in ,finance ,the ,homeopathic ,reaction against ,darwinism ,religion and ,romance ,the ,danger of ,reaction ,a ,touchstone for ,dogma ,what to do with the ,legends ,a ,lesson from ,science to the ,churches ,the ,religious ,art of the ,twentieth ,century ,the ,artist-,prophets ,evolution in the ,theatre ,my ,own ,part in the ,matter ,in the ,beginning3 ,b4,c4 #djjd 7,in the ,garden of ,eden7 ,the ,gospel of the ,brothers ,barnabas3 ,present ,day ,the ,thing ,happens3 ,a4,d4 #bagj ,tragedy of an ,elderly ,gentleman3 ,a4,d4 #cjjj ,as ,far as ,thought ,can ,reach3 ,a4,d4 #ca1ibj ,,preface ,the ,infidel ,half ,century ,,the ,,dawn ,,of ,,darwinism ,one day early in the eighteen hundred and sixties1 ,i1 being then a small boy1 was with my nurse1 buying something in the shop of a petty newsagent1 bookseller1 and stationer in ,camden ,street1 ,dublin1 when there entered an elderly man1 weighty and solemn1 who advanced to the counter1 and said pompously1 ',have you the works of the celebrated ,buffoon8' ,my own works were at that time unwritten1 or it is possible that the shop assistant might have misunderstood me so far as to produce a copy of ,man and ,superman4 ,as it was1 she knew quite well what he wanted2 for this was before the ,education ,act of #ahgj had produced shop assistants who know how to read and know nothing else4 ,the celebrated ,buffoon was not a humorist1 but the famous naturalist ,buffon4 ,every literate child at that time knew ,buffon's ,natural ,history as well as ,esop's ,fables4 ,and no living child had heard the name that has since obliterated ,buffon's in the popular consciousness3 the name of ,darwin4 ,ten years elapsed4 ,the celebrated ,buffoon was forgotten2 ,i had doubled my years and my length2 and ,i had discarded the religion of my forefathers4 ,one day the richest and consequently most dogmatic of my uncles came into a restaurant where ,i was dining1 and found himself1 much against his will1 in conversation with the most questionable of his nephews4 ,by way of making myself agreeable1 ,i spoke of modern thought and ,darwin4 ,he said1 ',oh1 thats the fellow who wants to make out that we all have tails like monkeys4' ,i tried to explain that what ,darwin had insisted on in this connection was that some monkeys have no tails4 ,but my uncle was as impervious to what ,darwin really said as any ,neo-,darwinian nowadays4 ,he died impenitent1 and did not mention me in his will4 ,twenty years elapsed4 ,if my uncle had been alive1 he would have known all about ,darwin1 and known it all wrong4 ,in spite of the efforts of ,grant ,allen to set him right1 he would have accepted ,darwin as the discoverer of ,evolution1 of ,heredity1 and of modification of species by ,selection4 ,for the pre-,darwinian age had come to be regarded as a ,dark ,age in which men still believed that the book of ,genesis was a standard scientific treatise1 and that the only additions to it were ,galileo's demonstration of ,leonardo da ,vinci's simple remark that the earth is a moon of the sun1 ,newton's theory of gravitation1 ,sir ,humphry ,davy's invention of the safety-lamp1 the discovery of electricity1 the application of steam to industrial purposes1 and the penny post4 ,it was just the same in other subjects4 ,thus ,nietzsche1 by the two or three who had come across his writings1 was supposed to have been the first man to whom it occurred that mere morality and legality and urbanity lead nowhere1 as if ,bunyan had never written ,badman4 ,schopenhauer was credited with inventing the distinction between the ,covenant of ,grace and the ,covenant of ,works which troubled ,cromwell on his deathbed4 ,people talked as if there had been no dramatic or descriptive music before ,wagner2 no impressionist painting before ,whistler2 whilst as to myself1 ,i was finding that the surest way to produce an effect of daring innovation and originality was to revive the ancient attraction of long rhetorical speeches2 to stick closely to the methods of ,molire2 and to lift characters bodily out of the pages of ,charles ,dickens4 ,,the ,,advent ,,of ,,the ,,neo-,,darwinians ,this particular sort of ignorance does not always or often matter4 ,but in ,darwin's case it did matter4 ,if ,darwin had really led the world at one bound from the book of ,genesis to ,heredity1 to ,modification of ,species by ,selection1 and to ,evolution1 he would have been a philosopher and a prophet as well as an eminent professional naturalist1 with geology as a hobby4 ,the delusion that he had actually achieved this feat did no harm at first1 because if people's views are sound1 about evolution or anything else1 it does not make two straws difference whether they call the revealer of their views ,tom or ,dick4 ,but later on such apparently negligible errors have awkward consequences4 ,darwin was given an imposing reputation as not only an ,evolutionist1 but as the ,evolutionist1 with the immense majority who never read his books4 ,the few who never read any others were led by them to concentrate exclusively on ,circumstantial ,selection as the explanation of all the transformations and adaptations which were the evidence for ,evolution4 ,and they presently found themselves so cut off by this specialization from the majority who knew ,darwin only by his spurious reputation1 that they were obliged to distinguish themselves1 not as ,darwinians1 but as ,neo-,darwinians4 ,before ten more years had elapsed1 the ,neo-,darwinians were practically running current ,science4 ,it was #aijf2 ,i was fifty2 ,i published my own view of evolution in a play called ,man and ,superman2 and ,i found that most people were unable to understand how ,i could be an ,evolutionist and not a ,neo-,darwinian1 or why ,i habitually derided ,neo-,darwinism as a ghastly idiocy1 and would fall on its professors slaughterously in public discussions4 ,it was in the hope of making me clear the matter up that the ,fabian ,society1 which was then organizing a series of lectures on ,prophets of the ,nineteenth ,century1 asked me to deliver a lecture on the prophet ,darwin4 ,i did so2 and scraps of that lecture1 which was never published1 variegate these pages4 ,,political ,,inadequacy ,,of ,,the ,,human ,,animal ,ten more years elapsed4 ,neo-,darwinism in politics had produced a ,european catastrophe of a magnitude so appalling1 and a scope so unpredictable1 that as ,i write these lines in #aibj1 it is still far from certain whether our civilization will survive it4 ,the circumstances of this catastrophe1 the boyish cinema-fed romanticism which made it possible to impose it on the people as a crusade1 and especially the ignorance and errors of the victors of ,western ,europe when its violent phase had passed and the time for reconstruction arrived1 confirmed a doubt which had grown steadily in my mind during my forty years public work as a ,socialist3 namely1 whether the human animal1 as he exists at present1 is capable of solving the social problems raised by his own aggregation1 or1 as he calls it1 his civilization4 ,,cowardice ,,of ,,the ,,irreligious ,another observation ,i had made was that goodnatured unambitious men are cowards when they have no religion4 ,they are dominated and exploited not only by greedy and often half-witted and half-alive weaklings who will do anything for cigars1 champagne1 motor cars1 and the more childish and selfish uses of money1 but by able and sound administrators who can do nothing else with them than dominate and exploit them4 ,government and exploitation become synonymous under such circumstances2 and the world is finally ruled by the childish1 the brigands1 and the blackguards4 ,those who refuse to stand in with them are persecuted and occasionally executed when they give any trouble to the exploiters4 ,they fall into poverty when they lack lucrative specific talents4 ,at the present moment one half of ,europe1 having knocked the other half down1 is trying to kick it to death1 and may succeed3 a procedure which is1 logically1 sound ,neo-,darwinism4 ,and the goodnatured majority are looking on in helpless horror1 or allowing themselves to be persuaded by the newspapers of their exploiters that the kicking is not only a sound commercial investment1 but an act of divine justice of which they are the ardent instruments4 ,but if ,man is really incapable of organizing a big civilization1 and cannot organize even a village or a tribe any too well1 what is the use of giving him a religion8 ,a religion may make him hunger and thirst for righteousness2 but will it endow him with the practical capacity to satisfy that appetite8 ,good intentions do not carry with them a grain of political science1 which is a very complicated one4 ,the most devoted and indefatigable1 the most able and disinterested students of this science in ,england1 as far as ,i know1 are my friends ,sidney and ,beatrice ,webb4 ,it has taken them forty years of preliminary work1 in the course of which they have published several treatises comparable to ,adam ,smith's ,wealth of ,nations1 to formulate a political constitution adequate to existing needs4 ,if this is the measure of what can be done in a lifetime by extraordinary ability1 keen natural aptitude1 exceptional opportunities1 and freedom from the preoccupations of bread-winning1 what are we to expect from the parliament man to whom political science is as remote and distasteful as the differential calculus1 and to whom such an elementary but vital point as the law of economic rent is a pons asinorum never to be approached1 much less crossed8 ,or from the common voter who is mostly so hard at work all day earning a living that he cannot keep awake for five minutes over a book8 ,,is ,,there ,,any ,,hope ,,in ,,education8 ,the usual answer is that we must educate our masters3 that is1 ourselves4 ,we must teach citizenship and political science at school4 ,but must we8 ,there is no must about it1 the hard fact being that we must not teach political science or citizenship at school4 ,the schoolmaster who attempted it would soon find himself penniless in the streets without pupils1 if not in the dock pleading to a pompously worded indictment for sedition against the exploiters4 ,our schools teach the morality of feudalism corrupted by commercialism1 and hold up the military conqueror1 the robber baron1 and the profiteer1 as models of the illustrious and the successful4 ,in vain do the prophets who see through this imposture preach and teach a better gospel3 the individuals whom they convert are doomed to pass away in a few years2 and the new generations are dragged back in the schools to the morality of the fifteenth century1 and think themselves ,liberal when they are defending the ideas of ,henry ,,vii1 and gentlemanly when they are opposing to them the ideas of ,richard ,,iii4 ,thus the educated man is a greater nuisance than the uneducated one3 indeed it is the inefficiency and sham of the educational side of our schools 7to which1 except under compulsion1 children would not be sent by their parents at all if they did not act as prisons in which the immature are kept from worrying the mature7 that save us from being dashed on the rocks of false doctrine instead of drifting down the midstream of mere ignorance4 ,there is no way out through the schoolmaster4 ,,homeopathic ,,education ,in truth1 mankind cannot be saved from without1 by schoolmasters or any other sort of masters3 it can only be lamed and enslaved by them4 ,it is said that if you wash a cat it will never again wash itself4 ,this may or may not be true3 what is certain is that if you teach a man anything he will never learn it2 and if you cure him of a disease he will be unable to cure himself the next time it attacks him4 ,therefore1 if you want to see a cat clean1 you throw a bucket of mud over it1 when it will immediately take extraordinary pains to lick the mud off1 and finally be cleaner than it was before4 ,in the same way doctors who are up-to-date 7,,burge-,,lubin per cent of all the registered practitioners1 and #bj per cent of the unregistered ones71 when they want to rid you of a disease or a symptom1 inoculate you with that disease or give you a drug that produces that symptom1 in order to provoke you to resist it as the mud provokes the cat to wash itself4 ,now an acute person will ask me why1 if this be so1 our false education does not provoke our scholars to find out the truth4 ,my answer is that it sometimes does4 ,voltaire was a pupil of the ,jesuits2 ,samuel ,butler was the pupil of a hopelessly conventional and erroneous country parson4 ,but then ,voltaire was ,voltaire1 and ,butler was ,butler3 that is1 their minds were so abnormally strong that they could throw off the doses of poison that paralyse ordinary minds4 ,when the doctors inoculate you and the homeopathists dose you1 they give you an infinitesimally attenuated dose4 ,if they gave you the virus at full strength it would overcome your resistance and produce its direct effect4 ,the doses of false doctrine given at public schools and universities are so big that they overwhelm the resistance that a tiny dose would provoke4 ,the normal student is corrupted beyond redemption1 and will drive the genius who resists out of the country if he can4 ,byron and ,shelley had to fly to ,italy1 whilst ,castlereagh and ,eldon ruled the roost at home4 ,rousseau was hunted from frontier to frontier2 ,karl ,marx starved in exile in a ,soho lodging2 ,ruskin's articles were refused by the magazines 7he was too rich to be otherwise persecuted72 whilst mindless forgotten nonentities governed the land2 sent men to the prison or the gallows for blasphemy and sedition 7meaning the truth about ,church and ,state72 and sedulously stored up the social disease and corruption which explode from time to time in gigantic boils that have to be lanced by a million bayonets4 ,this is the result of allopathic education4 ,homeopathic education has not yet been officially tried1 and would obviously be a delicate matter if it were4 ,a body of schoolmasters inciting their pupils to infinitesimal peccadilloes with the object of provoking them to exclaim1 ',get thee behind me1 ,satan1' or telling them white lies about history for the sake of being contradicted1 insulted1 and refuted1 would certainly do less harm than our present educational allopaths do2 but then nobody will advocate homeopathic education4 ,allopathy has produced the poisonous illusion that it enlightens instead of darkening4 ,the suggestion may1 however1 explain why1 whilst most people's minds succumb to inculcation and environment1 a few react vigorously3 honest and decent people coming from thievish slums1 and sceptics and realists from country parsonages4 ,,the ,,diabolical ,,efficiency ,,of ,,technical ,,education ,but meanwhile--and here comes the horror of it--our technical instruction is honest and efficient4 ,the public schoolboy who is carefully blinded1 duped1 and corrupted as to the nature of a society based on profiteering1 and is taught to honor parasitic idleness and luxury1 learns to shoot and ride and keep fit with all the assistance and guidance that can be procured for him by the most anxiously sincere desire that he may do these things well1 and if possible superlatively well4 ,in the army he learns to fly2 to drop bombs2 to use machine-guns to the utmost of his capacity4 ,the discovery of high explosives is rewarded and dignified3 instruction in the manufacture of the weapons1 battleships1 submarines1 and land batteries by which they are applied destructively1 is quite genuine3 the instructors know their business1 and really mean the learners to succeed4 ,the result is that powers of destruction that could hardly without uneasiness be entrusted to infinite wisdom and infinite benevolence are placed in the hands of romantic schoolboy patriots who1 however generous by nature1 are by education ignoramuses1 dupes1 snobs1 and sportsmen to whom fighting is a religion and killing an accomplishment2 whilst political power1 useless under such circumstances except to militarist imperialists in chronic terror of invasion and subjugation1 pompous tufthunting fools1 commercial adventurers to whom the organization by the nation of its own industrial services would mean checkmate1 financial parasites on the money market1 and stupid people who cling to the status quo merely because they are used to it1 is obtained by heredity1 by simple purchase1 by keeping newspapers and pretending that they are organs of public opinion1 by the wiles of seductive women1 and by prostituting ambitious talent to the service of the profiteers1 who call the tune because1 having secured all the spare plunder1 they alone can afford to pay the piper4 ,neither the rulers nor the ruled understand high politics4 ,they do not even know that there is such a branch of knowledge as political science2 but between them they can coerce and enslave with the deadliest efficiency1 even to the wiping out of civilization1 because their education as slayers has been honestly and thoroughly carried out4 ,essentially the rulers are all defectives2 and there is nothing worse than government by defectives who wield irresistible powers of physical coercion4 ,the commonplace sound people submit1 and compel the rest to submit1 because they have been taught to do so as an article of religion and a point of honor4 ,those in whom natural enlightenment has reacted against artificial education submit because they are compelled2 but they would resist1 and finally resist effectively1 if they were not cowards4 ,and they are cowards because they have neither an officially accredited and established religion nor a generally recognized point of honor1 and are all at sixes and sevens with their various private speculations1 sending their children perforce to the schools where they will be corrupted for want of any other schools4 ,the rulers are equally intimidated by the immense extension and cheapening of the means of slaughter and destruction4 ,the ,british ,government is more afraid of ,ireland now that submarines1 bombs1 and poison gas are cheap and easily made than it was of the ,german ,empire before the war2 consequently the old ,british custom which maintained a balance of power through command of the sea is intensified into a terror that sees security in nothing short of absolute military mastery of the entire globe3 that is1 in an impossibility that will yet seem possible in detail to soldiers and to parochial and insular patriotic civilians4 ,,flimsiness ,,of ,,civilization ,this situation has occurred so often before1 always with the same result of a collapse of civilization 7,professor ,flinders ,petrie has let out the secret of previous collapses71 that the rich are instinctively crying ',let us eat and drink2 for tomorrow we die1' and the poor1 ',how long1 ,o ,lord1 how long8' ,but the pitiless reply still is that ,god helps those who help themselves4 ,this does not mean that if ,man cannot find the remedy no remedy will be found4 ,the power that produced ,man when the monkey was not up to the mark1 can produce a higher creature than ,man if ,man does not come up to the mark4 ,what it means is that if ,man is to be saved1 ,man must save himself4 ,there seems no compelling reason why he should be saved4 ,he is by no means an ideal creature4 ,at his present best many of his ways are so unpleasant that they are unmentionable in polite society1 and so painful that he is compelled to pretend that pain is often a good4 ,nature holds no brief for the human experiment3 it must stand or fall by its results4 ,if ,man will not serve1 ,nature will try another experiment4 ,what hope is there then of human improvement8 ,according to the ,neo-,darwinists1 to the ,mechanists1 no hope whatever1 because improvement can come only through some senseless accident which must1 on the statistical average of accidents1 be presently wiped out by some other equally senseless accident4 ,,creative ,,evolution ,but this dismal creed does not discourage those who believe that the impulse that produces evolution is creative4 ,they have observed the simple fact that the will to do anything can and does1 at a certain pitch of intensity set up by conviction of its necessity1 create and organize new tissue to do it with4 ,to them therefore mankind is by no means played out yet4 ,if the weight lifter1 under the trivial stimulus of an athletic competition1 can 'put up a muscle1' it seems reasonable to believe that an equally earnest and convinced philosopher could 'put up a brain4' ,both are directions of vitality to a certain end4 ,evolution shews us this direction of vitality doing all sorts of things3 providing the centipede with a hundred legs1 and ridding the fish of any legs at all2 building lungs and arms for the land and gills and fins for the sea2 enabling the mammal to gestate its young inside its body1 and the fowl to incubate hers outside it2 offering us1 we may say1 our choice of any sort of bodily contrivance to maintain our activity and increase our resources4 ,,voluntary ,,longevity ,among other matters apparently changeable at will is the duration of individual life4 ,weismann1 a very clever and suggestive biologist who was unhappily reduced to idiocy by ,neo-,darwinism1 pointed out that death is not an eternal condition of life1 but an expedient introduced to provide for continual renewal without overcrowding4 ,now ,circumstantial ,selection does not account for natural death3 it accounts only for the survival of species in which the individuals have sense enough to decay and die on purpose4 ,but the individuals do not seem to have calculated very reasonably3 nobody can explain why a parrot should live ten times as long as a dog1 and a turtle be almost immortal4 ,in the case of man1 the operation has overshot its mark3 men do not live long enough3 they are1 for all the purposes of high civilization1 mere children when they die2 and our ,prime ,ministers1 though rated as mature1 divide their time between the golf course and the ,treasury ,bench in parliament4 ,presumably1 however1 the same power that made this mistake can remedy it4 ,if on opportunist grounds ,man now fixes the term of his life at three score and ten years1 he can equally fix it at three hundred1 or three thousand1 or even at the genuine ,circumstantial ,selection limit1 which would be until a sooner-or-later-inevitable fatal accident makes an end of the individual4 ,all that is necessary to make him extend his present span is that tremendous catastrophes such as the late war shall convince him of the necessity of at least outliving his taste for golf and cigars if the race is to be saved4 ,this is not fantastic speculation3 it is deductive biology1 if there is such a science as biology4 ,here1 then1 is a stone that we have left unturned1 and that may be worth turning4 ,to make the suggestion more entertaining than it would be to most people in the form of a biological treatise1 ,i have written ,back to ,methuselah as a contribution to the modern ,bible4 ,many people1 however1 can read treatises and cannot read ,bibles4 ,darwin could not read ,shakespear4 ,some who can read both1 like to learn the history of their ideas4 ,some are so entangled in the current confusion of ,creative ,evolution with ,circumstantial ,selection by their historical ignorance that they are puzzled by any distinction between the two4 ,for all their sakes ,i must give here a little history of the conflict between the view of ,evolution taken by the ,darwinians 7though not altogether by ,darwin himself7 and called ,natural ,selection1 and that which is emerging1 under the title of ,creative ,evolution1 as the genuinely scientific religion for which all wise men are now anxiously looking4 ,,the ,,early ,,evolutionists ,the idea of ,evolution1 or ,transformation as it is now sometimes called1 was not first conceived by ,charles ,darwin1 nor by ,alfred ,russel ,wallace1 who observed the operation of ,circumstantial ,selection simultaneously with ,charles4 ,the celebrated ,buffoon was a better ,evolutionist than either of them2 and two thousand years before ,buffon was born1 the ,greek philosopher ,empedocles opined that all forms of life are transformations of four elements1 ,fire1 ,air1 ,earth1 and ,water1 effected by the two innate forces of attraction and repulsion1 or love and hate4 ,as lately as #ahfj ,i myself was taught as a child that everything was made out of these four elements4 ,both the ,empedocleans and the ,evolutionists were opposed to those who believed in the separate creation of all forms of life as described in the book of ,genesis4 ,this 'conflict between religion and science'1 as the phrase went then1 did not perplex my infant mind in the least3 ,i knew perfectly well1 without knowing that ,i knew it1 that the validity of a story is not the same as the occurrence of a fact4 ,but as ,i grew up ,i found that ,i had to choose between ,evolution and ,genesis4 ,if you believed that dogs and cats and snakes and birds and beetles and oysters and whales and men and women were all separately designed and made and named in ,eden garden at the beginning of things1 and have since survived simply by reproducing their kind1 then you were not an ,evolutionist4 ,if you believed1 on the contrary1 that all the different species are modifications1 variations1 and elaborations of one primal stock1 or even of a few primal stocks1 then you were an ,evolutionist4 ,but you were not necessarily a ,darwinian2 for you might have been a modern ,evolutionist twenty years before ,charles ,darwin was born1 and a whole lifetime before he published his ,origin of ,species4 ,for that matter1 when ,aristotle grouped animals with backbones as blood relations1 he began the sort of classification which1 when extended by ,darwin to monkeys and men1 so shocked my uncle4 ,genesis had held the field until the time 7#agjg-aggh7 of ,linnaeus the famous botanist4 ,in the meantime the microscope had been invented4 ,it revealed a new world of hitherto invisible creatures called ,infusorians1 as common water was found to be an infusion of them4 ,in the eighteenth century naturalists were very keen on the ,infusorian ,amoebas1 and were much struck by the way in which the members of this old family behaved and developed4 ,but it was still possible for ,linnaeus to begin a treatise by saying ',there are just so many species as there were forms created in the beginning1' though there were hundreds of commonplace ,scotch gardeners1 pigeon fanciers1 and stock breeders then living who knew better4 ,linnaeus himself knew better before he died4 ,in the last edition of his ,system of ,nature1 he began to wonder whether the transmutation of species by variation might not be possible4 ,then came the great poet who jumped over the facts to the conclusion4 ,goethe said that all the shapes of creation were cousins2 that there must be some common stock from which all the species had sprung2 that it was the environment of air that had produced the eagle1 of water the seal1 and of earth the mole4 ,he could not say how this happened2 but he divined that it did happen4 ,erasmus ,darwin1 the grandfather of ,charles1 carried the environment theory much further1 pointing out instance after instance of modifications made in species apparently to adapt it to circumstances and environment3 for instance1 that the brilliant colors of the leopard1 which make it so conspicuous in ,regent's ,park1 conceal it in a tropical jungle4 ,finally he wrote1 as his declaration of faith1 ',the world has been evolved1 not created3 it has arisen little by little from a small beginning1 and has increased through the activity of the elemental forces embodied in itself1 and so has rather grown than come into being at an almighty word4 ,what a sublime idea of the infinite might of the great ,architect1 the ,cause of all causes1 the ,father of all fathers1 the ,ens ,entium6 ,for if we would compare the ,infinite1 it would surely require a greater ,infinite to cause the causes of effects than to produce the effects themselves4' ,in this1 published in the year #agid1 you have nineteenth-century ,evolution precisely defined4 ,and ,erasmus ,darwin was by no means its only apostle4 ,it was in the air then4 ,a ,german biologist named ,treviranus1 whose book was published in #ahjb1 wrote1 ',in every living being there exists a capacity for endless diversity of form4 ,each possesses the power of adapting its organization to the variations of the external world2 and it is this power1 called into activity by cosmic changes1 which has enabled the simple zoophytes of the primitive world to climb to higher and higher stages of organization1 and has brought endless variety into nature4' ,there you have your evolution of ,man from the amoeba all complete whilst ,nelson was still alive on the seas4 ,and in #ahji1 before the battle of ,waterloo1 a ,french soldier named ,lamarck1 who had beaten his musket into a microscope and turned zoologist1 declared that species were an illusion produced by the shortness of our individual lives1 and that they were constantly changing and melting into one another and into new forms as surely as the hand of a clock is continually moving1 though it moves so slowly that it looks stationary to us4 ,we have since come to think that its industry is less continuous3 that the clock stops for a long time1 and then is suddenly 'put on' by a mysterious finger4 ,but never mind that just at present4 ,,the ,,advent ,,of ,,the ,,neo-,,lamarckians ,i call your special attention to ,lamarck1 because later on there were ,neo-,lamarckians as well as ,neo-,darwinians4 ,i was a ,neo-,lamarckian4 ,lamarck passed on from the conception of ,evolution as a general law to ,charles ,darwin's department of it1 which was the method of ,evolution4 ,lamarck1 whilst making many ingenious suggestions as to the reaction of external causes on life and habit1 such as changes of climate1 food supply1 geological upheavals and so forth1 really held as his fundamental proposition that living organisms changed because they wanted to4 ,as he stated it1 the great factor in ,evolution is use and disuse4 ,if you have no eyes1 and want to see1 and keep trying to see1 you will finally get eyes4 ,if1 like a mole or a subterranean fish1 you have eyes and dont want to see1 you will lose your eyes4 ,if you like eating the tender tops of trees enough to make you concentrate all your energies on the stretching of your neck1 you will finally get a long neck1 like the giraffe4 ,this seems absurd to inconsiderate people at the first blush2 but it is within the personal experience of all of us that it is just by this process that a child tumbling about the floor becomes a boy walking erect2 and that a man sprawling on the road with a bruised chin1 or supine on the ice with a bashed occiput1 becomes a bicyclist and a skater4 ,the process is not continuous1 as it would be if mere practice had anything to do with it2 for though you may improve at each bicycling lesson during the lesson1 when you begin your next lesson you do not begin at the point at which you left off3 you relapse apparently to the beginning4 ,finally1 you succeed quite suddenly1 and do not relapse again4 ,more miraculous still1 you at once exercise the new power unconsciously4 ,although you are adapting your front wheel to your balance so elaborately and actively that the accidental locking of your handle bars for a second will throw you off2 though five minutes before you could not do it at all1 yet now you do it as unconsciously as you grow your finger nails4 ,you have a new faculty1 and must have created some new bodily tissue as its organ4 ,and you have done it solely by willing4 ,for here there can be no question of ,circumstantial ,selection1 or the survival of the fittest4 ,the man who is learning how to ride a bicycle has no advantage over the non-cyclist in the struggle for existence3 quite the contrary4 ,he has acquired a new habit1 an automatic unconscious habit1 solely because he wanted to1 and kept trying until it was added unto him4 ,,how ,,acquirements ,,are ,,inherited ,but when your son tries to skate or bicycle in his turn1 he does not pick up the accomplishment where you left it1 any more than he is born six feet high with a beard and a tall hat4 ,the set-back that occurred between your lessons occurs again4 ,the race learns exactly as the individual learns4 ,your son relapses1 not to the very beginning1 but to a point which no mortal method of measurement can distinguish from the beginning4 ,now this is odd2 for certain other habits of yours1 equally acquired 7to the ,evolutionist1 of course1 all habits are acquired71 equally unconscious1 equally automatic1 are transmitted without any perceptible relapse4 ,for instance1 the very first act of your son when he enters the world as a separate individual is to yell with indignation3 that yell which ,shakespear thought the most tragic and piteous of all sounds4 ,in the act of yelling he begins to breathe3 another habit1 and not even a necessary one1 as the object of breathing can be achieved in other ways1 as by deep sea fishes4 ,he circulates his blood by pumping it with his heart4 ,he demands a meal1 and proceeds at once to perform the most elaborate chemical operations on the food he swallows4 ,he manufactures teeth2 discards them2 and replaces them with fresh ones4 ,compared to these habitual feats1 walking1 standing upright1 and bicycling are the merest trifles2 yet it is only by going through the wanting1 trying process that he can stand1 walk1 or cycle1 whereas in the other and far more difficult and complex habits he not only does not consciously want nor consciously try1 but actually consciously objects very strongly4 ,take that early habit of cutting the teeth3 would he do that if he could help it8 ,take that later habit of decaying and eliminating himself by death--equally an acquired habit1 remember--how he abhors it6 ,yet the habit has become so rooted1 so automatic1 that he must do it in spite of himself1 even to his own destruction4 ,we have here a routine which1 given time enough for it to operate1 will finally produce the most elaborate forms of organized life on ,lamarckian lines without the intervention of ,circumstantial ,selection at all4 ,if you can turn a pedestrian into a cyclist1 and a cyclist into a pianist or violinist1 without the intervention of ,circumstantial ,selection1 you can turn an amoeba into a man1 or a man into a superman1 without it4 ,all of which is rank heresy to the ,neo-,darwinian1 who imagines that if you stop ,circumstantial ,selection1 you not only stop development but inaugurate a rapid and disastrous degeneration4 ,let us fix the ,lamarckian evolutionary process well in our minds4 ,you are alive2 and you want to be more alive4 ,you want an extension of consciousness and of power4 ,you want1 consequently1 additional organs1 or additional uses of your existing organs3 that is1 additional habits4 ,you get them because you want them badly enough to keep trying for them until they come4 ,nobody knows how3 nobody knows why3 all we know is that the thing actually takes place4 ,we relapse miserably from effort to effort until the old organ is modified or the new one created1 when suddenly the impossible becomes possible and the habit is formed4 ,the moment we form it we want to get rid of the consciousness of it so as to economize our consciousness for fresh conquests of life2 as all consciousness means preoccupation and obstruction4 ,if we had to think about breathing or digesting or circulating our blood we should have no attention to spare for anything else1 as we find to our cost when anything goes wrong with these operations4 ,we want to be unconscious of them just as we wanted to acquire them2 and we finally win what we want4 ,but we win unconsciousness of our habits at the cost of losing our control of them2 and we also build one habit and its corresponding functional modification of our organs on another1 and so become dependent on our old habits4 ,consequently we have to persist in them even when they hurt us4 ,we cannot stop breathing to avoid an attack of asthma1 or to escape drowning4 ,we can lose a habit and discard an organ when we no longer need them1 just as we acquired them2 but this process is slow and broken by relapses2 and relics of the organ and the habit long survive its utility4 ,and if other and still indispensable habits and modifications have been built on the ones we wish to discard1 we must provide a new foundation for them before we demolish the old one4 ,this is also a slow process and a very curious one4 ,,the ,,miracle ,,of ,,condensed ,,recapitulation ,the relapses between the efforts to acquire a habit are important because1 as we have seen1 they recur not only from effort to effort in the case of the individual1 but from generation to generation in the case of the race4 ,this relapsing from generation to generation is an invariable characteristic of the evolutionary process4 ,for instance1 ,raphael1 though descended from eight uninterrupted generations of painters1 had to learn to paint apparently as if no ,sanzio had ever handled a brush before4 ,but he had also to learn to breathe1 and digest1 and circulate his blood4 ,although his father and mother were fully grown adults when he was conceived1 he was not conceived or even born fully grown3 he had to go back and begin as a speck of protoplasm1 and to struggle through an embryonic lifetime1 during part of which he was indistinguishable from an embryonic dog1 and had neither a skull nor a backbone4 ,when he at last acquired these articles1 he was for some time doubtful whether he was a bird or a fish4 ,he had to compress untold centuries of development into nine months before he was human enough to break loose as an independent being4 ,and even then he was still so incomplete that his parents might well have exclaimed ',good ,heavens6 have you learnt nothing from our experience that you come into the world in this ridiculously elementary state8 ,why cant you talk and walk and paint and behave decently8' ,to that question ,baby ,raphael had no answer4 ,all he could have said was that this is how evolution or transformation happens4 ,the time may come when the same force that compressed the development of millions of years into nine months may pack many more millions into even a shorter space2 so that ,raphaels may be born painters as they are now born breathers and blood circulators4 ,but they will still begin as specks of protoplasm1 and acquire the faculty of painting in their mother's womb at quite a late stage of their embryonic life4 ,they must recapitulate the history of mankind in their own persons1 however briefly they may condense it4 ,nothing was so astonishing and significant in the discoveries of the embryologists1 nor anything so absurdly little appreciated1 as this recapitulation1 as it is now called3 this power of hurrying up into months a process which was once so long and tedious that the mere contemplation of it is unendurable by men whose span of life is three-score-and-ten4 ,it widened human possibilities to the extent of enabling us to hope that the most prolonged and difficult operation of our minds may yet become instantaneous1 or1 as we call it1 instinctive4 ,it also directed our attention to examples of this packing up of centuries into seconds which were staring us in the face in all directions4 ,as ,i write these lines the newspapers are occupied by the exploits of a child of eight1 who has just defeated twenty adult chess players in twenty games played simultaneously1 and has been able afterwards to reconstruct all the twenty games without any apparent effort of memory4 ,most people1 including myself1 play chess 7when they play it at all7 from hand to mouth1 and can hardly recall the last move but one1 or foresee the next but two4 ,also1 when ,i have to make an arithmetical calculation1 ,i have to do it step by step with pencil and paper1 slowly1 reluctantly1 and with so little confidence in the result that ,i dare not act on it without 'proving' the sum by a further calculation involving more ciphering4 ,but there are men who can neither read1 write1 nor cipher1 to whom the answer to such sums as ,i can do is instantly obvious without any conscious calculation at all2 and the result is infallible4 ,yet some of these natural arithmeticians have but a small vocabulary2 are at a loss when they have to find words for any but the simplest everyday occasions2 and cannot for the life of them describe mechanical operations which they perform daily in the course of their trade2 whereas to me the whole vocabulary of ,english literature1 from ,shakespear to the latest edition of the ,encyclopaedia ,britannica1 is so completely and instantaneously at my call that ,i have never had to consult even a thesaurus except once or twice when for some reason ,i wanted a third or fourth synonym4 ,again1 though ,i have tried and failed to draw recognizable portraits of persons ,i have seen every day for years1 ,mr ,bernard ,partridge1 having seen a man once1 will1 without more strain than is involved in eating a sandwich1 draw him to the life4 ,the keyboard of a piano is a device ,i have never been able to master2 yet ,mr ,cyril ,scott uses it exactly as ,i use my own fingers2 and to ,sir ,edward ,elgar an orchestral score is as instantaneously intelligible at sight as a page of ,shakespear is to me4 ,one man cannot1 after trying for years1 finger the flute fluently4 ,another will take up a flute with a newly invented arrangement of keys on it1 and play it at once with hardly a mistake4 ,we find people to whom writing is so difficult that they prefer to sign their name with a mark1 and beside them men who master systems of shorthand and improvise new systems of their own as easily as they learnt the alphabet4 ,these contrasts are to be seen on all hands1 and have nothing to do with variations in general intelligence1 nor even in the specialized intelligence proper to the faculty in question3 for example1 no composer or dramatic poet has ever pretended to be able to perform all the parts he writes for the singers1 actors1 and players who are his executants4 ,one might as well expect ,napoleon to be a fencer1 or the ,astronomer ,royal to know how many beans make five any better than his bookkeeper4 ,even exceptional command of language does not imply the possession of ideas to express2 ,mezzofanti1 the master of fifty-eight languages1 had less to say in them than ,shakespear with his little ,latin and less ,greek2 and public life is the paradise of voluble windbags4 ,all these examples1 which might be multiplied by millions1 are cases in which a long1 laborious1 conscious1 detailed process of acquirement has been condensed into an instinctive and unconscious inborn one4 ,factors which formerly had to be considered one by one in succession are integrated into what seems a single simple factor4 ,chains of hardly soluble problems have coalesced in one problem which solves itself the moment it is raised4 ,what is more1 they have been pushed back 7or forward1 if you like7 from post-natal to pre-natal ones4 ,the child in the womb may take some time over them2 but it is a miraculously shortened time4 ,the time phenomena involved are curious1 and suggest that we are either wrong about our history or else that we enormously exaggerate the periods required for the pre-natal acquirement of habits4 ,in the nineteenth century we talked very glibly about geological periods1 and flung millions of eons about in the most lordly manner in our reaction against ,archbishop ,ussher's chronology4 ,we had a craze for big figures1 and positively liked to believe that the progress made by the child in the womb in a month was represented in prehistoric time by ages and ages4 ,we insisted that ,evolution advanced more slowly than any snail ever crawled1 and that ,nature does not proceed by leaps and bounds4 ,this was all very well as long as we were dealing with such acquired habits as breathing or digestion4 ,it was possible to believe that dozens of epochs had gone to the slow building up of these habits4 ,but when we have to consider the case of a man born not only as an accomplished metabolist1 but with such an aptitude for shorthand and keyboard manipulation that he is a stenographer or pianist at least five sixths ready-made as soon as he can control his hands intelligently1 we are forced to suspect either that keyboards and shorthand are older inventions than we suppose1 or else that acquirements can be assimilated and stored as congenital qualifications in a shorter time than we think2 so that1 as between ,lyell and ,archbishop ,ussher1 the laugh may not be with ,lyell quite so uproariously as it seemed fifty years ago4 ,,heredity ,,an ,,old ,,story ,it is evident that the evolutionary process is a hereditary one1 or1 to put it less drily1 that human life is continuous and immortal4 ,the ,evolutionists took heredity for granted4 ,so did everybody4 ,the human mind has been soaked in heredity as long back as we can trace its thought4 ,hereditary peers1 hereditary monarchs1 hereditary castes and trades and classes were the best known of social institutions1 and in some cases of public nuisances4 ,pedigree men counted pedigree dogs and pedigree horses among their most cherished possessions4 ,far from being unconscious of heredity1 or sceptical1 men were insanely credulous about it3 they not only believed in the transmission of qualities and habits from generation to generation1 but expected the son to begin mentally where the father left off4 ,this belief in heredity led naturally to the practice of ,intentional ,selection4 ,good blood and breeding were eagerly sought after in human marriage4 ,in dealing with plants and animals1 selection with a view to the production of new varieties and the improvement and modification of species had been practised ever since men began to cultivate them4 ,my pre-,darwinian uncle knew as well as ,darwin that the race-horse and the dray-horse are not separate creations from the ,garden of ,eden1 but adaptations by deliberate human selection of the medieval war-horse to modern racing and industrial haulage4 ,he knew that there are nearly two hundred different sorts of dogs1 all capable of breeding with one another and of producing cross varieties unknown to ,adam4 ,he knew that the same thing is true of pigeons4 ,he knew that gardeners had spent their lives trying to breed black tulips and green carnations and unheard-of orchids1 and had actually produced flowers just as strange to ,eve4 ,his quarrel with the ,evolutionists was not a quarrel with the evidence for ,evolution3 he had accepted enough of it to prove ,evolution ten times over before he ever heard of it4 ,what he repudiated was cousinship with the ape1 and the implied suspicion of a rudimentary tail1 because it was offensive to his sense of his own dignity1 and because he thought that apes were ridiculous1 and tails diabolical when associated with the erect posture4 ,also he believed that ,evolution was a heresy which involved the destruction of ,christianity1 of which1 as a member of the ,irish ,church 7the pseudo-,protestant one71 he conceived himself a pillar4 ,but this was only his ignorance2 for man may deny his descent from an ape and be eligible as a churchwarden without being any the less a convinced ,evolutionist4 ,,discovery ,,anticipated ,,by ,,divination ,what is more1 the religious folk can claim to be among the pioneers of ,evolutionism4 ,weismann1 ,neo-,darwinist though he was1 devoted a long passage in his ,history of ,evolution to the ,nature ,philosophy of ,lorenz ,oken1 published in #ahji4 ,oken defined natural science as 'the science of the everlasting transmutations of the ,holy ,ghost in the world4' ,his religion had started him on the right track1 and not only led him to think out a whole scheme of ,evolution in abstract terms1 but guided his aim in a significantly good scientific shot which brought him within the scope of ,weismann4 ,he not only defined the original substance from which all forms of life have developed as protoplasm1 or1 as he called it1 primitive slime 7,urschleim71 but actually declared that this slime took the form of vesicles out of which the universe was built4 ,here was the modern cell morphology guessed by a religious thinker long before the microscope and the scalpel forced it on the vision of mere laboratory workers who could not think and had no religion4 ,they worked hard to discover the vital secrets of the glands by opening up dogs and cutting out the glands1 or tying up their ducts1 or severing their nerves1 thereby learning1 negatively1 that the governors of our vital forces do not hold their incessant conversations through the nerves1 and1 positively1 how miserably a horribly injured dog can die1 leaving us to infer that we shall probably perish likewise if we grudge our guineas to ,harley ,street4 ,lorenz ,oken thought very hard to find out what was happening to the ,holy ,ghost1 and thereby made a contribution of extraordinary importance to our understanding of uninjured creatures4 ,the man who was scientific enough to see that the ,holy ,ghost is a scientific fact got easily in front of the blockheads who could only sin against it4 ,hence my uncle was turning his back on very respectable company when he derided ,evolution1 and would probably have recanted and apologized at once had anybody pointed out to him what a solecism he was committing4 ,the metaphysical side of ,evolution was thus no novelty when ,darwin arrived4 ,had ,oken never lived1 there would still have been millions of persons trained from their childhood to believe that we are continually urged upwards by a force called the ,will of ,god4 ,in #ahai ,schopenhauer published his treatise on ,the ,world as ,will1 which is the metaphysical complement to ,lamarck's natural history1 as it demonstrates that the driving force behind ,evolution is a will-to-live1 and to live1 as ,christ said long before1 more abundantly4 ,and the earlier philosophers1 from ,plato to ,leibniz1 had kept the human mind open for the thought of the universe as one idea behind all its physically apprehensible transformations4 ,,corrected ,,dates ,,for ,,the ,,discovery ,,of ,,evolution ,all this1 remember1 is the state of things in the pre-,darwin period1 which so many of us still think of as a pre-evolutionary period4 ,evolutionism was the rage before ,queen ,victoria came to the throne4 ,to fix this chronology1 let me repeat the story told by ,weismann of the ,july revolution in ,paris in #ahcj1 when the ,french got rid of ,charles the ,tenth4 ,goethe was then still living2 and a ,french friend of his called on him and found him wildly excited4 ',what do you think of the great event8' said ,goethe4 ',the volcano is in eruption2 and all is in flames4 ,there can no longer be discussion with closed doors4' ,the ,frenchman replied that no doubt it was a terrible business2 but what could they expect with such a ministry and such a king8 ',stuff6' said ,goethe3 ',i am not thinking of these people at all1 but of the open rupture in the ,french ,academy between ,cuvier and ,st ,hilaire4 ,it is of the utmost importance to science1' ,the rupture ,goethe meant was about ,evolution1 ,cuvier contending that there were four species1 and ,st ,hilaire that there was only one4 ,from #ahcj1 when ,darwin was an apparently unpromising lad of twenty-one1 until #ahei1 when he turned the world upside down by his ,origin of ,species1 there was a slump in ,evolutionism4 ,the first generation of its enthusiasts was ageing and dying out2 and their successors were being taught from the ,book of ,genesis1 just as ,edward ,,vi was 7and ,edward ,,vii too1 for that matter74 ,nobody who knew the theory was adding anything to it4 ,this slump not only heightened the impression of entire novelty when ,darwin brought the subject to the front again3 it probably prevented him from realizing how much had been done before1 even by his own grandfather1 to whom he was accused of being unjust4 ,besides1 he was not really carrying on the family business4 ,he was an entirely original worker2 and he was on a new tack1 as we shall see presently4 ,and he would not in any case have thought much1 as a practical naturalist1 of the more or less mystical intellectual speculations of the ,deists of #agij-ahcj4 ,scientific workers were very tired of ,deism just then4 ,they had given up the riddle of the ,great ,first ,cause as insoluble1 and were calling themselves1 accordingly1 ,agnostics4 ,they had turned from the inscrutable question of ,why things existed1 to the spade work of discovering ,what was really occurring in the world and ,how it really occurred4 ,with all his attention bent in this new direction1 ,darwin soon noticed that a good deal was occurring in an entirely unmystical and even unmeaning way of which the older speculative ,deist-,evolutionists had taken little or no account4 ,nowadays1 when we are turning in weary disgust and disillusion from ,neo-,darwinism and ,mechanism to ,vitalism and ,creative ,evolution1 it is difficult to imagine how this new departure of ,darwin's could possibly have appealed to his contemporaries as exciting1 agreeable1 above all as hopeful4 ,let me therefore try to bring back something of the atmosphere of that time by describing a scene1 very characteristic of its superstitions1 in which ,i took what was then considered an unspeakably shocking part4 ,,defying ,,the ,,lightning3 ,a ,,frustrated ,,experiment ,one evening in #ahgh or thereabouts1 ,i1 being then in my earliest twenties1 was at a bachelor party of young men of the professional class in the house of a doctor in the ,kensingtonian quarter of ,london4 ,they fell to talking about religious revivals2 and an anecdote was related of a man who1 having incautiously scoffed at the mission of ,messrs ,moody and ,sankey1 a then famous firm of ,american evangelists1 was subsequently carried home on a shutter1 slain by divine vengeance as a blasphemer4 ,a timid minority1 without quite venturing to question the truth of the incident--for they naturally did not care to run the risk of going home on shutters themselves--nevertheless shewed a certain disposition to cavil at those who exulted in it2 and something approaching to an argument began4 ,at last it was alleged by the most evangelical of the disputants that ,charles ,bradlaugh1 the most formidable atheist on the ,secularist platform1 had taken out his watch publicly and challenged the ,almighty to strike him dead in five minutes if he really existed and disapproved of atheism4 ,the leader of the cavillers1 with great heat1 repudiated this as a gross calumny1 declaring that ,bradlaugh had repeatedly and indignantly contradicted it1 and implying that the atheist champion was far too pious a man to commit such a blasphemy4 ,this exquisite confusion of ideas roused my sense of comedy4 ,it was clear to me that the challenge attributed to ,charles ,bradlaugh was a scientific experiment of a quite simple1 straightforward1 and proper kind to ascertain whether the expression of atheistic opinions really did involve any personal risk4 ,it was certainly the method taught in the ,bible1 ,elijah having confuted the prophets of ,baal in precisely that way1 with every circumstance of bitter mockery of their god when he failed to send down fire from heaven4 ,accordingly ,i said that if the question at issue were whether the penalty of questioning the theology of ,messrs ,moody and ,sankey was to be struck dead on the spot by an incensed deity1 nothing could effect a more convincing settlement of it than the very obvious experiment attributed to ,mr ,bradlaugh1 and that consequently if he had not tried it1 he ought to have tried it4 ,the omission1 ,i added1 was one which could easily be remedied there and then1 as ,i happened to share ,mr ,bradlaugh's views as to the absurdity of the belief in these violent interferences with the order of nature by a short-tempered and thin-skinned supernatural deity4 ,therefore--and at that point ,i took out my watch4 ,the effect was electrical4 ,neither sceptics nor devotees were prepared to abide the result of the experiment4 ,in vain did ,i urge the pious to trust in the accuracy of their deity's aim with a thunderbolt1 and the justice of his discrimination between the innocent and the guilty4 ,in vain did ,i appeal to the sceptics to accept the logical outcome of their scepticism3 it soon appeared that when thunderbolts were in question there were no sceptics4 ,our host1 seeing that his guests would vanish precipitately if the impious challenge were uttered1 leaving him alone with a solitary infidel under sentence of extermination in five minutes1 interposed and forbade the experiment1 pleading at the same time for a change of subject4 ,i of course complied1 but could not refrain from remarking that though the dreadful words had not been uttered1 yet1 as the thought had been formulated in my mind1 it was very doubtful whether the consequences could be averted by sealing my lips4 ,however1 the rest appeared to feel that the game would be played according to the rules1 and that it mattered very little what ,i thought so long as ,i said nothing4 ,only the leader of the evangelical party1 ,i thought1 was a little preoccupied until five minutes had elapsed and the weather was still calm4 ,,in ,,quest ,,of ,,the ,,first ,,cause ,another reminiscence4 ,in those days we thought in terms of time and space1 of cause and effect1 as we still do2 but we do not now demand from a religion that it shall explain the universe completely in terms of cause and effect1 and present the world to us as a manufactured article and as the private property of its ,manufacturer4 ,we did then4 ,we were invited to pity the delusion of certain heathens who held that the world is supported by an elephant who is supported by a tortoise4 ,mahomet decided that the mountains are great weights to keep the world from being blown away into space4 ,but we refuted these orientals by asking triumphantly what the tortoise stands on8 ,freethinkers asked which came first3 the owl or the egg4 ,nobody thought of saying that the ultimate problem of existence1 being clearly insoluble and even unthinkable on causation lines1 could not be a causation problem4 ,to pious people this would have been flat atheism1 because they assumed that ,god must be a ,cause1 and sometimes called him ,the ,great ,first ,cause1 or1 in still choicer language1 ,the ,primal ,cause4 ,to the ,rationalists it would have been a renunciation of reason4 ,here and there a man would confess that he stood as with a dim lantern in a dense fog1 and could see but a little way in any direction into infinity4 ,but he did not really believe that infinity was infinite or that the eternal was also sempiternal3 he assumed that all things1 known and unknown1 were caused4 ,hence it was that ,i found myself one day towards the end of the eighteen-seventies in a cell in the old ,brompton ,oratory arguing with ,father ,addis1 who had been called by one of his flock to attempt my conversion to ,roman ,catholicism4 ,the universe exists1 said the father3 somebody must have made it4 ,if that somebody exists1 said ,i1 somebody must have made him4 ,i grant that for the sake of argument1 said the ,oratorian4 ,i grant you a maker of ,god4 ,i grant you a maker of the maker of ,god4 ,i grant you as long a line of makers as you please2 but an infinity of makers is unthinkable and extravagant3 it is no harder to believe in number one than in number fifty thousand or fifty million2 so why not accept number one and stop there1 since no attempt to get behind him will remove your logical difficulty8 ,by your leave1 said ,i1 it is as easy for me to believe that the universe made itself as that a maker of the universe made himself3 in fact much easier2 for the universe visibly exists and makes itself as it goes along1 whereas a maker for it is a hypothesis4 ,of course we could get no further on these lines4 ,he rose and said that we were like two men working a saw1 he pushing it forward and ,i pushing it back1 and cutting nothing2 but when we had dropped the subject and were walking through the refectory1 he returned to it for a moment to say that he should go mad if he lost his belief4 ,i1 glorying in the robust callousness of youth and the comedic spirit1 felt quite comfortable and said so2 though ,i was touched1 too1 by his evident sincerity4 ,these two anecdotes are superficially trivial and even comic2 but there is an abyss of horror beneath them4 ,they reveal a condition so utterly irreligious that religion means nothing but belief in a nursery bogey1 and its inadequacy is demonstrated by a toy logical dilemma1 neither the bogey nor the dilemma having anything to do with religion1 or being serious enough to impose on or confuse any properly educated child over the age of six4 ,one hardly knows which is the more appalling3 the abjectness of the credulity or the flippancy of the scepticism4 ,the result was inevitable4 ,all who were strong-minded enough not to be terrified by the bogey were left stranded in empty contemptuous negation1 and argued1 when they argued at all1 as ,i argued with ,father ,addis4 ,but their position was not intellectually comfortable4 ,a member of parliament expressed their discomfort when1 objecting to the admission of ,charles ,bradlaugh into parliament1 he said ',hang it all1 a man should believe in something or somebody4' ,it was easy to throw the bogey into the dustbin2 but none the less the world1 our corner of the universe1 did not look like a pure accident3 it presented evidences of design in every direction4 ,there was mind and purpose behind it4 ,as the anti-,bradlaugh member would have put it1 there must be somebody behind the something3 no atheist could get over that4 ,,paley',s ,,watch ,paley had put the argument in an apparently unanswerable form4 ,if you found a watch1 full of mechanism exquisitely adapted to produce a series of operations all leading to the fulfilment of one central purpose of measuring for mankind the march of the day and night1 could you believe that it was not the work of a cunning artificer who had designed and contrived it all to that end8 ,and here was a far more wonderful thing than a watch1 a man with all his organs ingeniously contrived1 cords and levers1 girders and kingposts1 circulating systems of pipes and valves1 dialysing membranes1 chemical retorts1 carburettors1 ventilators1 inlets and outlets1 telephone transmitters in his ears1 light recorders and lenses in his eye3 was it conceivable that this was the work of chance8 that no artificer had wrought here8 that there was no purpose in this1 no design1 no guiding intelligence8 ,the thing was incredible4 ,in vain did ,helmholtz declare that 'the eye has every possible defect that can be found in an optical instrument1 and even some peculiar to itself1' and that 'if an optician tried to sell me an instrument which had all these defects ,i should think myself quite justified in blaming his carelessness in the strongest terms1 and sending him back his instrument4' ,to discredit the optician's skill was not to get rid of the optician4 ,the eye might not be so cleverly made as ,paley thought1 but it was made somehow1 by somebody4 ,and then my argument with ,father ,addis began all over again4 ,it was easy enough to say that every man makes his own eyes3 indeed the embryologists had actually caught him doing it4 ,but what about the very evident purpose that prompted him to do it8 ,why did he want to see1 if not to extend his consciousness and his knowledge and his power8 ,that purpose was at work everywhere1 and must be something bigger than the individual eye-making man4 ,only the stupidest muckrakers could fail to see this1 and even to know it as part of their own consciousness4 ,yet to admit it seemed to involve letting the bogey come back1 so inextricably had we managed to mix up belief in the bogey's existence with belief in the existence of design in the universe4 ,,the ,,irresistible ,,cry ,,of ,,order1 ,,order6 ,our scornful young scientific and philosophic lions of today must not blame the ,church of ,england for this confusion of thought4 ,in #aefb the ,church1 in convocation in ,london 'for the avoiding of diversities of opinions and for the establishment of consent touching true religion1' proclaimed in their first utterance1 and as an ,article of ,religion1 that ,god is 'without body1 parts1 or passions1' or1 as we say1 an ,elan ,vital or ,life ,force4 ,unfortunately neither parents1 parsons1 nor pedagogues could be induced to adopt that article4 ,st ,john might say that ',god is spirit' as pointedly as he pleased2 our ,sovereign ,lady ,elizabeth might ratify the ,article again and again2 serious divines might feel as deeply as they could that a ,god with body1 parts1 and passions could be nothing but an anthropomorphic idol3 no matter3 people at large could not conceive a ,god who was not anthropomorphic3 they stood by the ,old ,testament legends of a ,god whose parts had been seen by one of the patriarchs1 and finally set up as against the ,church a ,god who1 far from being without body1 parts1 or passions1 was composed of nothing else1 and of very evil passions too4 ,they imposed this idol in practice on the ,church itself1 in spite of the ,first ,article1 and thereby homeopathically produced the atheist1 whose denial of ,god was simply a denial of the idol and a demonstration against an unbearable and most unchristian idolatry4 ,the idol was1 as ,shelley had been expelled from ,oxford for pointing out1 an almighty fiend1 with a petty character and unlimited power1 spiteful1 cruel1 jealous1 vindictive1 and physically violent4 ,the most villainous schoolmasters1 the most tyrannical parents1 fell far short in their attempts to imitate it4 ,but it was not its social vices that brought it low4 ,what made it scientifically intolerable was that it was ready at a moment's notice to upset the whole order of the universe on the most trumpery provocation1 whether by stopping the sun in the valley of ,ajalon or sending an atheist home dead on a shutter 7the shutter was indispensable because it marked the utter unpreparedness of the atheist1 who1 unable to save himself by a deathbed repentance1 was subsequently roasted through all eternity in blazing brimstone74 ,it was this disorderliness1 this refusal to obey its own laws of nature1 that created a scientific need for its destruction4 ,science could stand a cruel and unjust god2 for nature was full of suffering and injustice4 ,but a disorderly god was impossible4 ,in the ,middle ,ages a compromise had been made by which two different orders of truth1 religious and scientific1 had been recognized1 in order that a schoolman might say that two and two make four without being burnt for heresy4 ,but the nineteenth century1 steeped in a meddling1 presumptuous1 reading-and-writing1 socially and politically powerful ignorance inconceivable by ,thomas ,aquinas or even ,roger ,bacon1 was incapable of so convenient an arrangement2 and science was strangled by bigoted ignoramuses claiming infallibility for their interpretation of the ,bible1 which was regarded1 not as a literature nor even as a book1 but partly as an oracle which answered and settled all questions1 and partly as a talisman to be carried by soldiers in their breast pockets or placed under the pillows of persons who were afraid of ghosts4 ,the tract shops exhibited in their windows bullet-dinted testaments1 mothers' gifts to their soldier sons whose lives had been saved by it2 for the muzzle-loaders of those days could not drive a projectile through so many pages4 ,,the ,,moment ,,and ,,the ,,man ,this superstition of a continual capricious disorder in nature1 of a lawgiver who was also a lawbreaker1 made atheists in all directions among clever and lightminded people4 ,but atheism did not account for ,paley's watch4 ,atheism accounted for nothing2 and it was the business of science to account for everything that was plainly accountable4 ,science had no use for mere negation3 what was desired by it above all things just then was a demonstration that the evidences of design could be explained without resort to the hypothesis of a personal designer4 ,if only some genius1 whilst admitting ,paley's facts1 could knock the brains out of ,paley by the discovery of a method whereby watches could happen without watchmakers1 that genius was assured of such a welcome from the thought of his day as no natural philosopher had ever enjoyed before4 ,the time being thus ripe1 the genius appeared2 and his name was ,charles ,darwin4 ,and now1 what did ,darwin really discover8 ,here1 ,i am afraid1 ,i shall require once more the assistance of the giraffe1 or1 as he was called in the days of the celebrated ,buffoon1 the camelopard 7by children1 cammyleopard74 ,i do not remember how this animal imposed himself illustratively on the ,evolution controversy2 but there was no getting away from him then2 and ,i am old-fashioned enough to be unable to get away from him now4 ,how did he come by his long neck8 ,lamarck would have said1 by wanting to get at the tender leaves high up on the tree1 and trying until he succeeded in wishing the necessary length of neck into existence4 ,another answer was also possible3 namely1 that some prehistoric stockbreeder1 wishing to produce a natural curiosity1 selected the longest-necked animals he could find1 and bred from them until at last an animal with an abnormally long neck was evolved by intentional selection1 just as the race-horse or the fantail pigeon has been evolved4 ,both these explanations1 you will observe1 involve consciousness1 will1 design1 purpose1 either on the part of the animal itself or on the part of a superior intelligence controlling its destiny4 ,darwin pointed out--and this and no more was ,darwin's famous discovery--that a third explanation1 involving neither will nor purpose nor design either in the animal or anyone else1 was on the cards4 ,if your neck is too short to reach your food1 you die4 ,that may be the simple explanation of the fact that all the surviving animals that feed on foliage have necks or trunks long enough to reach it4 ,so bang goes your belief that the necks must have been designed to reach the food4 ,but ,lamarck did not believe that the necks were so designed in the beginning3 he believed that the long necks were evolved by wanting and trying4 ,not necessarily1 said ,darwin4 ,consider the effect on the giraffes of the natural multiplication of their numbers1 as insisted on by ,malthus4 ,suppose the average height of the foliage-eating animals is four feet1 and that they increase in numbers until a time comes when all the trees are eaten away to within four feet of the ground4 ,then the animals who happen to be an inch or two short of the average will die of starvation4 ,all the animals who happen to be an inch or so above the average will be better fed and stronger than the others4 ,they will secure the strongest and tallest mates2 and their progeny will survive whilst the average ones and the sub-average ones will die out4 ,this process1 by which the species gains1 say1 an inch in reach1 will repeat itself until the giraffe's neck is so long that he can always find food enough within his reach1 at which point1 of course1 the selective process stops and the length of the giraffe's neck stops with it4 ,otherwise1 he would grow until he could browse off the trees in the moon4 ,and this1 mark you1 without the intervention of any stockbreeder1 human or divine1 and without will1 purpose1 design1 or even consciousness beyond the blind will to satisfy hunger4 ,it is true that this blind will1 being in effect a will to live1 gives away the whole case2 but still1 as compared to the open-eyed intelligent wanting and trying of ,lamarck1 the ,darwinian process may be described as a chapter of accidents4 ,as such1 it seems simple1 because you do not at first realize all that it involves4 ,but when its whole significance dawns on you1 your heart sinks into a heap of sand within you4 ,there is a hideous fatalism about it1 a ghastly and damnable reduction of beauty and intelligence1 of strength and purpose1 of honor and aspiration1 to such casually picturesque changes as an avalanche may make in a mountain landscape1 or a railway accident in a human figure4 ,to call this ,natural ,selection is a blasphemy1 possible to many for whom ,nature is nothing but a casual aggregation of inert and dead matter1 but eternally impossible to the spirits and souls of the righteous4 ,if it be no blasphemy1 but a truth of science1 then the stars of heaven1 the showers and dew1 the winter and summer1 the fire and heat1 the mountains and hills1 may no longer be called to exalt the ,lord with us by praise2 their work is to modify all things by blindly starving and murdering everything that is not lucky enough to survive in the universal struggle for hogwash4 ,,the ,,brink ,,of ,,the ,,bottomless ,,pit ,thus did the neck of the giraffe reach out across the whole heavens and make men believe that what they saw there was a gloaming of the gods4 ,for if this sort of selection could turn an antelope into a giraffe1 it could conceivably turn a pond full of amoebas into the ,french ,academy4 ,though ,lamarck's way1 the way of life1 will1 aspiration1 and achievement1 remained still possible1 this newly shewn way of hunger1 death1 stupidity1 delusion1 chance1 and bare survival was also possible3 was indeed most certainly the way in which many apparently intelligently designed transformations had actually come to pass4 ,had ,i not preluded with the apparently idle story of my revival of the controversial methods of ,elijah1 ,i should be asked how it was that the explorer who opened up this gulf of despair1 far from being stoned or crucified as the destroyer of the honor of the race and the purpose of the world1 was hailed as ,deliverer1 ,savior1 ,prophet1 ,redeemer1 ,enlightener1 ,rescuer1 ,hope ,giver1 and ,epoch ,maker2 whilst poor ,lamarck was swept aside as a crude and exploded guesser hardly worthy to be named as his erroneous forerunner4 ,in the light of my anecdote1 the explanation is obvious4 ,the first thing the gulf did was to swallow up ,paley1 and the ,disorderly ,designer1 and ,shelley's ,almighty ,fiend1 and all the rest of the pseudo-religious rubbish that had blocked every upward and onward path since the hopes of men had turned to ,science as their true ,savior4 ,it seemed such a convenient grave that nobody at first noticed that it was nothing less than the bottomless pit1 now become a very real terror4 ,for though ,darwin left a path round it for his soul1 his followers presently dug it right across the whole width of the way4 ,yet for the moment1 there was nothing but wild rejoicing3 a sort of scientific mafficking4 ,we had been so oppressed by the notion that everything that happened in the world was the arbitrary personal act of an arbitrary personal god of dangerously jealous and cruel personal character1 so that even the relief of the pains of childbirth and the operating table by chloroform was objected to as an interference with his arrangements which he would probably resent1 that we just jumped at ,darwin4 ,when ,napoleon was asked what would happen when he died1 he said that ,europe would express its intense relief with a great ',ouf6'3 ,well1 when ,darwin killed the god who objected to chloroform1 everybody who had ever thought about it said ',ouf6' ,paley was buried fathoms deep with his watch1 now fully accounted for without any divine artificer at all4 ,we were so glad to be rid of both that we never gave a thought to the consequences4 ,when a prisoner sees the door of his dungeon open1 he dashes for it without stopping to think where he shall get his dinner outside4 ,the moment we found that we could do without ,shelley's almighty fiend intellectually1 he went into the gulf that seemed only a dustbin with a suddenness that made our own lives one of the most astonishing periods in history4 ,if ,i had told that uncle of mine that within thirty years from the date of our conversation ,i should be exposing myself to suspicions of the grossest superstition by questioning the sufficiency of ,darwin2 maintaining the reality of the ,holy ,ghost2 declaring that the phenomenon of the ,word becoming ,flesh was occurring daily1 he would have regarded me as the most extravagant madman our family had ever produced4 ,yet it was so4 ,in #aijf ,i might have vituperated ,jehovah more heartily than ever ,shelley did without eliciting a protest in any circle of thinkers1 or shocking any public audience accustomed to modern discussion2 but when ,i described ,darwin as 'an intelligent and industrious pigeon fancier1' that blasphemous levity1 as it seemed1 was received with horror and indignation4 ,the tide has now turned2 and every puny whipster may say what he likes about ,darwin2 but anyone who wants to know what it was to be a ,lamarckian during the last quarter of the nineteenth century has only to read ,mr ,festing ,jones's memoir of ,samuel ,butler to learn how completely even a man of genius could isolate himself by antagonizing ,darwin on the one hand and the ,church on the other4 ,,why ,,darwin ,,converted ,,the ,,crowd ,i am well aware that in describing the effect of ,darwin's discovery on naturalists and on persons capable of serious reflection on the nature and attributes of ,god1 ,i am leaving the vast mass of the ,british public out of account4 ,i have pointed out elsewhere that the ,british nation does not consist of atheists and ,plymouth ,brothers2 and ,i am not now going to pretend that it ever consisted of ,darwinians and ,lamarckians4 ,the average citizen is irreligious and unscientific3 you talk to him about cricket and golf1 market prices and party politics1 not about evolution and relativity1 transubstantiation and predestination4 ,nothing will knock into his head the fateful distinction between ,evolution as promulgated by ,erasmus ,darwin1 and ,circumstantial 7so-called ,natural7 ,selection as revealed by his grandson4 ,yet the doctrine of ,charles reached him1 though the doctrine of ,erasmus had passed over his head4 ,why did not ,erasmus ,darwin popularize the word ,evolution as effectively as ,charles8 ,the reason was1 ,i think1 that ,circumstantial ,selection is easier to understand1 more visible and concrete1 than ,lamarckian evolution4 ,evolution as a philosophy and physiology of the will is a mystical process1 which can be apprehended only by a trained1 apt1 and comprehensive thinker4 ,though the phenomena of use and disuse1 of wanting and trying1 of the manufacture of weight lifters and wrestlers from men of ordinary strength1 are familiar enough as facts1 they are extremely puzzling as subjects of thought1 and lead you into metaphysics the moment you try to account for them4 ,but pigeon fanciers1 dog fanciers1 gardeners1 stock breeders1 or stud grooms1 can understand ,circumstantial ,selection1 because it is their business to produce transformation by imposing on flowers and animals a ,selection ,from ,without4 ,all that ,darwin had to say to them was that the mere chapter of accidents is always doing on a huge scale what they themselves are doing on a very small scale4 ,there is hardly a laborer attached to an ,english country house who has not taken a litter of kittens or puppies to the bucket1 and drowned all of them except the one he thinks the most promising4 ,such a man has nothing to learn about the survival of the fittest except that it acts in more ways than he has yet noticed2 for he knows quite well1 as you will find if you are not too proud to talk to him1 that this sort of selection occurs naturally 7in ,darwin's sense7 too3 that1 for instance1 a hard winter will kill off a weakly child as the bucket kills off a weakly puppy4 ,then there is the farm laborer4 ,shakespear's ,touchstone1 a court-bred fool1 was shocked to find in the shepherd a natural philosopher1 and opined that he would be damned for the part he took in the sexual selection of sheep4 ,as to the production of new species by the selection of variations1 that is no news to your gardener4 ,now if you are familiar with these three processes3 the survival of the fittest1 sexual selection1 and variation leading to new kinds1 there is nothing to puzzle you in ,darwinism4 ,that was the secret of ,darwin's popularity4 ,he never puzzled anybody4 ,if very few of us have read ,the ,origin of ,species from end to end1 it is not because it overtaxes our mind1 but because we take in the whole case and are prepared to accept it long before we have come to the end of the innumerable instances and illustrations of which the book mainly consists4 ,darwin becomes tedious in the manner of a man who insists on continuing to prove his innocence after he has been acquitted4 ,you assure him that there is not a stain on his character1 and beg him to leave the court2 but he will not be content with enough evidence3 he will have you listen to all the evidence that exists in the world4 ,darwin's industry was enormous4 ,his patience1 his perseverance1 his conscientiousness reached the human limit4 ,but he never got deeper beneath or higher above his facts than an ordinary man could follow him4 ,he was not conscious of having raised a stupendous issue1 because1 though it arose instantly1 it was not his business4 ,he was conscious of having discovered a process of transformation and modification which accounted for a great deal of natural history4 ,but he did not put it forward as accounting for the whole of natural history4 ,he included it under the heading of ,evolution1 though it was only pseudo-evolution at best2 but he revealed it as a method of evolution1 not as the method of evolution4 ,he did not pretend that it excluded other methods1 or that it was the chief method4 ,though he demonstrated that many transformations which had been taken as functional adaptations 7the current phrase for ,lamarckian evolution7 either certainly were or conceivably might be due to ,circumstantial ,selection1 he was careful not to claim that he had superseded ,lamarck or disproved ,functional ,adaptation4 ,in short1 he was not a ,darwinian1 but an honest naturalist working away at his job with so little preoccupation with theological speculation that he never quarrelled with the theistic ,unitarianism into which he was born1 and remained to the end the engagingly simple and socially easy-going soul he had been in his boyhood1 when his elders doubted whether he would ever be of much use in the world4 ,,how ,,we ,,rushed ,,down ,a ,,steep ,,place ,not so the rest of us intellectuals4 ,we all began going to the devil with the utmost cheerfulness4 ,everyone who had a mind to change1 changed it4 ,only ,samuel ,butler1 on whom ,darwin had acted homeopathically1 reacted against him furiously2 ran up the ,lamarckian flag to the top-gallant peak2 declared with penetrating accuracy that ,darwin had 'banished mind from the universe'2 and even attacked ,darwin's personal character1 unable to bear the fact that the author of so abhorrent a doctrine was an amiable and upright man4 ,nobody would listen to him4 ,he was so completely submerged by the flowing tide of ,darwinism that when ,darwin wanted to clear up the misunderstanding on which ,butler was basing his personal attacks1 ,darwin's friends1 very foolishly and snobbishly1 persuaded him that ,butler was too ill-conditioned and negligible to be answered4 ,that they could not recognize in ,butler a man of genius mattered little3 what did matter was that they could not understand the provocation under which he was raging4 ,they actually regarded the banishment of mind from the universe as a glorious enlightenment and emancipation for which he was ignorantly ungrateful4 ,even now1 when ,butler's eminence is unchallenged1 and his biographer1 ,mr ,festing ,jones1 is enjoying a vogue like that of ,boswell or ,lockhart1 his memoirs shew him rather as a shocking example of the bad controversial manners of our country parsonages than as a prophet who tried to head us back when we were gaily dancing to our damnation across the rainbow bridge which ,darwinism had thrown over the gulf which separates life and hope from death and despair4 ,we were intellectually intoxicated with the idea that the world could make itself without design1 purpose1 skill1 or intelligence3 in short1 without life4 ,we completely overlooked the difference between the modification of species by adaptation to their environment and the appearance of new species3 we just threw in the word 'variations' or the word 'sports' 7fancy a man of science talking of an unknown factor as a sport instead of as x67 and left them to 'accumulate' and account for the difference between a cockatoo and a hippopotamus4 ,such phrases set us free to revel in demonstrating to the ,vitalists and ,bible worshippers that if we once admit the existence of any kind of force1 however unintelligent1 and stretch out the past to unlimited time for such force to operate accidentally in1 that force may conceivably1 by the action of ,circumstantial ,selection1 produce a world in which every function has an organ perfectly adapted to perform it1 and therefore presents every appearance of having been designed1 like ,paley's watch1 by a conscious and intelligent artificer for the purpose4 ,we took a perverse pleasure in arguing1 without the least suspicion that we were reducing ourselves to absurdity1 that all the books in the ,british ,museum library might have been written word for word as they stand on the shelves if no human being had ever been conscious1 just as the trees stand in the forest doing wonderful things without consciousness4 ,and the ,darwinians went far beyond denying consciousness to trees4 ,weismann insisted that the chick breaks out of its eggshell automatically2 that the butterfly1 springing into the air to avoid the pounce of the lizard1 'does not wish to avoid death2 knows nothing about death1' what has happened being simply that a flight instinct evolved by ,circumstantial ,selection reacts promptly to a visual impression produced by the lizard's movement4 ,his proof is that the butterfly immediately settles again on the flower1 and repeats the performance every time the lizard springs1 thus shewing that it learns nothing from experience1 and--,weismann concludes--is not conscious of what it does4 ,it should hardly have escaped so curious an observer that when the cat jumps up on the dinner table1 and you put it down1 it instantly jumps up again1 and finally establishes its right to a place on the cloth by convincing you that if you put it down a hundred times it will jump up a hundred and one times2 so that if you desire its company at dinner you can have it only on its own terms4 ,if ,weismann really thought that cats act thus without any consciousness or any purpose1 immediate or ulterior1 he must have known very little about cats4 ,but a thoroughgoing ,weismannite1 if any such still survive from those mad days1 would contend that ,i am not at present necessarily conscious of what ,i am doing2 that my writing of these lines1 and your reading of them1 are effects of ,circumstantial ,selection2 that ,i heed know no more about ,darwinism than a butterfly knows of a lizard's appetite2 and that the proof that ,i actually am doing it unconsciously is that as ,i have spent forty years in writing in this fashion without1 as far as ,i can see1 producing any visible effect on public opinion1 ,i must be incapable of learning from experience1 and am therefore a mere automaton4 ,and the ,weismannite demonstration of this would of course be an equally unconscious effect of ,circumstantial ,selection4 ,,darwinism ,,not ,,finally ,,refutable ,do not too hastily say that this is inconceivable4 ,to ,circumstantial ,selection all mechanical and chemical reactions are possible1 provided you accept the geologists' estimates of the great age of the earth1 and therefore allow time enough for the circumstances to operate4 ,it is true that mere survival of the fittest in the struggle for existence plus sexual selection fail as hopelessly to account for ,darwin's own life work as for my conquest of the bicycle2 but who can prove that there are not other soulless factors1 unnoticed or undiscovered1 which only require imagination enough to fit them to the evolution of an automatic ,jesus or ,shakespear8 ,when a man tells you that you are a product of ,circumstantial ,selection solely1 you cannot finally disprove it4 ,you can only tell him out of the depths of your inner conviction that he is a fool and a liar4 ,but as this1 though ,british1 is uncivil1 it is wiser to offer him the counter-assurance that you are the product of ,lamarckian evolution1 formerly called ,functional ,adaptation and now ,creative ,evolution1 and challenge him to disprove that1 which he can no more do than you can disprove ,circumstantial ,selection1 both forces being conceivably able to produce anything if you only give them rope enough4 ,you may also defy him to act for a single hour on the assumption that he may safely cross ,oxford ,street in a state of unconsciousness1 trusting to his dodging reflexes to react automatically and promptly enough to the visual impression produced by a motor bus1 and the audible impression produced by its hooter4 ,but if you allow yourself to defy him to explain any particular action of yours by ,circumstantial ,selection1 he should always be able to find some explanation that will fit the case if only he is ingenious enough and goes far enough to find it4 ,darwin found several such explanations in his controversies4 ,anybody who really wants to believe that the universe has been produced by ,circumstantial ,selection co-operating with a force as inhuman as we conceive magnetism to be can find a logical excuse for his belief if he tries hard enough4 ,,three ,,blind ,,mice ,the stultification and damnation which ensued are illustrated by a comparison of the ease and certainty with which ,butler's mind moved to humane and inspiring conclusions with the grotesque stupidities and cruelties of the idle and silly controversy which arose among the ,darwinians as to whether acquired habits can be transmitted from parents to offspring4 ,consider1 for example1 how ,weismann set to work on that subject4 ,an ,evolutionist with a live mind would first have dropped the popular expression 'acquired habits1' because to an ,evolutionist there are no other habits and can be no others1 a man being only an amoeba with acquirements4 ,he would then have considered carefully the process by which he himself had acquired his habits4 ,he would have assumed that the habits with which he was born must have been acquired by a similar process4 ,he would have known what a habit is3 that is1 an ,action voluntarily attempted until it has become more or less automatic and involuntary2 and it would never have occurred to him that injuries or accidents coming from external sources against the will of the victim could possibly establish a habit2 that1 for instance1 a family could acquire a habit of being killed in railway accidents4 ,and yet ,weismann began to investigate the point by behaving like the butcher's wife in the old catch4 ,he got a colony of mice1 and cut off their tails4 ,then he waited to see whether their children would be born without tails4 ,they were not1 as ,butler could have told him beforehand4 ,he then cut off the children's tails1 and waited to see whether the grandchildren would be born with at least rather short tails4 ,they were not1 as ,i could have told him beforehand4 ,so with the patience and industry on which men of science pride themselves1 he cut off the grandchildren's tails too1 and waited1 full of hope1 for the birth of curtailed great-grandchildren4 ,but their tails were quite up to the mark1 as any fool could have told him beforehand4 ,weismann then gravely drew the inference that acquired habits cannot be transmitted4 ,and yet ,weismann was not a born imbecile4 ,he was an exceptionally clever and studious man1 not without roots of imagination and philosophy in him which ,darwinism killed as weeds4 ,how was it that he did not see that he was not experimenting with habits or characteristics at all8 ,how had he overlooked the glaring fact that his experiment had been tried for many generations in ,china on the feet of ,chinese women without producing the smallest tendency on their part to be born with abnormally small feet8 ,he must have known about the bound feet even if he knew nothing of the mutilations1 the clipped ears and docked tails1 practised by dog fanciers and horse breeders on many generations of the unfortunate animals they deal in4 ,such amazing blindness and stupidity on the part of a man who was naturally neither blind nor stupid is a telling illustration of what ,darwin unintentionally did to the minds of his disciples by turning their attention so exclusively towards the part played in ,evolution by accident and violence operating with entire callousness to suffering and sentiment4 ,a vital conception of ,evolution would have taught ,weismann that biological problems are not to be solved by assaults on mice4 ,the scientific form of his experiment would have been something like this4 ,first1 he should have procured a colony of mice highly susceptible to hypnotic suggestion4 ,he should then have hypnotized them into an urgent conviction that the fate of the musque world depended on the disappearance of its tail1 just as some ancient and forgotten experimenter seems to have convinced the cats of the ,isle of ,man4 ,having thus made the mice desire to lose their tails with a life-or-death intensity1 he would very soon have seen a few mice born with little or no tail4 ,these would be recognized by the other mice as superior beings1 and privileged in the division of food and in sexual selection4 ,ultimately the tailed mice would be put to death as monsters by their fellows1 and the miracle of the tailless mouse completely achieved4 ,the objection to this experiment is not that it seems too funny to be taken seriously1 and is not cruel enough to overawe the mob1 but simply that it is impossible because the human experimenter cannot get at the mouse's mind4 ,and that is what is wrong with all the barren cruelties of the laboratories4 ,darwin's followers did not think of this4 ,their only idea of investigation was to imitate ',nature' by perpetrating violent and senseless cruelties1 and watch the effect of them with a paralyzing fatalism which forbade the smallest effort to use their minds instead of their knives and eyes1 and established an abominable tradition that the man who hesitates to be as cruel as ,circumstantial ,selection itself is a traitor to science4 ,for ,weismann's experiment upon the mice was a mere joke compared to the atrocities committed by other ,darwinians in their attempts to prove that mutilations could not be transmitted4 ,no doubt the worst of these experiments were not really experiments at all1 but cruelties committed by cruel men who were attracted to the laboratory by the fact that it was a secret refuge left by law and public superstition for the amateur of passionate torture4 ,but there is no reason to suspect ,weismann of ,sadism4 ,cutting off the tails of several generations of mice is not voluptuous enough to tempt a scientific ,nero4 ,it was a mere piece of one-eyedness2 and it was ,darwin who put out ,weismann's humane and sensible eye4 ,he blinded many another eye and paralyzed many another will also4 ,ever since he set up ,circumstantial ,selection as the creator and ruler of the universe1 the scientific world has been the very citadel of stupidity and cruelty4 ,fearful as the tribal god of the ,hebrews was1 nobody ever shuddered as they passed even his meanest and narrowest ,little ,bethel or his proudest war-consecrating cathedral as we shudder now when we pass a physiological laboratory4 ,if we dreaded and mistrusted the priest1 we could at least keep him out of the house2 but what of the modern ,darwinist surgeon whom we dread and mistrust ten times more1 but into whose hands we must all give ourselves from time to time8 ,miserably as religion had been debased1 it did at least still proclaim that our relation to one another was that of a fellowship in which we were all equal and members one of another before the judgment-seat of our common father4 ,darwinism proclaimed that our true relation is that of competitors and combatants in a struggle for mere survival1 and that every act of pity or loyalty to the old fellowship is a vain and mischievous attempt to lessen the severity of the struggle and preserve inferior varieties from the efforts of ,nature to weed them out4 ,even in ,socialist ,societies which existed solely to substitute the law of fellowship for the law of competition1 and the method of providence and wisdom for the method of rushing violently down a steep place into the sea1 ,i found myself regarded as a blasphemer and an ignorant sentimentalist because whenever the ,neo-,darwinian doctrine was preached there ,i made no attempt to conceal my intellectual contempt for its blind coarseness and shallow logic1 or my natural abhorrence of its sickening inhumanity4 ,,the ,,greatest ,,of ,,these ,,is ,,self-,,control ,as there is no place in ,darwinism for free will1 or any other sort of will1 the ,neo-,darwinists held that there is no such thing as self-control4 ,yet self-control is just the one quality of survival value which ,circumstantial ,selection must invariably and inevitably develop in the long run4 ,uncontrolled qualities may be selected for survival and development for certain periods and under certain circumstances4 ,for instance1 since it is the ungovernable gluttons who strive the hardest to get food and drink1 their efforts would develop their strength and cunning in a period of such scarcity that the utmost they could do would not enable them to over-eat themselves4 ,but a change of circumstances involving a plentiful supply of food would destroy them4 ,we see this very thing happening often enough in the case of the healthy and vigorous poor man who becomes a millionaire by one of the accidents of our competitive commerce1 and immediately proceeds to dig his grave with his teeth4 ,but the self-controlled man survives all such changes of circumstance1 because he adapts himself to them1 and eats neither as much as he can hold nor as little as he can scrape along on1 but as much as is good for him4 ,what is self-control8 ,it is nothing but a highly developed vital sense1 dominating and regulating the mere appetites4 ,to overlook the very existence of this supreme sense2 to miss the obvious inference that it is the quality that distinguishes the fittest to survive2 to omit1 in short1 the highest moral claim of ,evolutionary ,selection3 all this1 which the ,neo-,darwinians did in the name of ,natural ,selection1 shewed the most pitiable want of mastery of their own subject1 the dullest lack of observation of the forces upon which ,natural ,selection works4 ,a ,,sample ,,of ,,lamarcko-,,shavian ,,invective ,the ,vitalist philosophers made no such mistakes4 ,nietzsche1 for example1 thinking out the great central truth of the ,will to ,power instead of cutting off mouse-tails1 had no difficulty in concluding that the final objective of this ,will was power over self1 and that the seekers after power over others and material possessions were on a false scent4 ,the stultification naturally became much worse as the first ,darwinians died out4 ,the prestige of these pioneers1 who had the older evolutionary culture to build on1 and were in fact no more ,darwinian in the modern sense than ,darwin himself1 ceased to dazzle us when ,huxley and ,tyndall and ,spencer and ,darwin passed away1 and we were left with the smaller people who began with ,darwin and took in nothing else4 ,accordingly1 ,i find that in the year #aijf ,i indulged my temper by hurling invectives at the ,neo-,darwinians in the following terms4 ',i really do not wish to be abusive2 but when ,i think of these poor little dullards1 with their precarious hold of just that corner of evolution that a blackbeetle can understand--with their retinue of twopenny-halfpenny ,torquemadas wallowing in the infamies of the vivisector's laboratory1 and solemnly offering us as epoch-making discoveries their demonstrations that dogs get weaker and die if you give them no food2 that intense pain makes mice sweat2 and that if you cut off a dog's leg the three-legged dog will have a four-legged puppy1 ,i ask myself what spell has fallen on intelligent and humane men that they allow themselves to be imposed on by this rabble of dolts1 blackguards1 impostors1 quacks1 liars1 and1 worst of all1 credulous conscientious fools4 ,better a thousand times ,moses and ,spurgeon a then famous preacher back again4 ,after all1 you cannot understand ,moses without imagination nor ,spurgeon without metaphysics2 but you can be a thorough-going ,neo-,darwinian without imagination1 metaphysics1 poetry1 conscience1 or decency4 ,for ,natural ,selection has no moral significance3 it deals with that part of evolution which has no purpose1 no intelligence1 and might more appropriately be called accidental selection1 or better still1 ,unnatural ,selection1 since nothing is more unnatural than an accident4 ,if it could be proved that the whole universe had been produced by such ,selection1 only fools and rascals could bear to live4' ,,the ,,humanitarians ,,and ,,the ,,problem ,,of ,,evil ,yet the humanitarians were as delighted as anybody with ,darwinism at first4 ,they had been perplexed by the ,problem of ,evil and the ,cruelty of ,nature4 ,they were ,shelleyists1 but not atheists4 ,those who believed in ,god were at a terrible disadvantage with the atheist4 ,they could not deny the existence of natural facts so cruel that to attribute them to the will of ,god is to make ,god a demon4 ,belief in ,god was impossible to any thoughtful person without belief in the ,devil as well4 ,the painted ,devil1 with his horns1 his barbed tail1 and his abode of burning brimstone1 was an incredible bogey2 but the evil attributed to him was real enough2 and the atheists argued that the author of evil1 if he exists1 must be strong enough to overcome ,god1 else ,god is morally responsible for everything he permits the ,devil to do4 ,neither conclusion delivered us from the horror of attributing the cruelty of nature to the workings of an evil will1 or could reconcile it with our impulses towards justice1 mercy1 and a higher life4 ,a complete deliverance was offered by the discovery of ,circumstantial ,selection3 that is to say1 of a method by which horrors having every appearance of being elaborately planned by some intelligent contriver are only accidents without any moral significance at all4 ,suppose a watcher from the stars saw a frightful accident produced by two crowded trains at full speed crashing into one another6 ,how could he conceive that a catastrophe brought about by such elaborate machinery1 such ingenious preparation1 such skilled direction1 such vigilant industry1 was quite unintentional8 ,would he not conclude that the signal-men were devils8 ,well1 ,circumstantial ,selection is largely a theory of collisions3 that is1 a theory of the innocence of much apparently designed devilry4 ,in this way ,darwin brought intense relief as well as an enlarged knowledge of facts to the humanitarians4 ,he destroyed the omnipotence of ,god for them2 but he also exonerated ,god from a hideous charge of cruelty4 ,granted that the comfort was shallow1 and that deeper reflection was bound to shew that worse than all conceivable devil-deities is a blind1 deaf1 dumb1 heartless1 senseless mob of forces that strike as a tree does when it is blown down by the wind1 or as the tree itself is struck by lightning4 ,that did not occur to the humanitarians at the moment3 people do not reflect deeply when they are in the first happiness of escape from an intolerably oppressive situation4 ,like ,bunyan's pilgrim they could not see the wicket gate1 nor the ,slough of ,despond1 nor the castle of ,giant ,despair2 but they saw the shining light at the end of the path1 and so started gaily towards it as ,evolutionists4 ,and they were right2 for the problem of evil yields very easily to ,creative ,evolution4 ,if the driving power behind ,evolution is omnipotent only in the sense that there seems no limit to its final achievement2 and if it must meanwhile struggle with matter and circumstance by the method of trial and error1 then the world must be full of its unsuccessful experiments4 ,christ may meet a tiger1 or a ,high ,priest arm-in-arm with a ,roman ,governor1 and be the unfittest to survive under the circumstances4 ,mozart may have a genius that prevails against ,emperors and ,archbishops1 and a lung that succumbs to some obscure and noxious property of foul air4 ,if all our calamities are either accidents or sincerely repented mistakes1 there is no malice in the ,cruelty of ,nature and no ,problem of ,evil in the ,victorian sense at all4 ,the theology of the women who told us that they became atheists when they sat by the cradles of their children and saw them strangled by the hand of ,god is succeeded by the theology of ,blanco ,posnet1 with his ',it was early days when ,he made the croup1 ,i guess4 ,it was the best ,he could think of then2 but when it turned out wrong on ,his hands ,he made you and me to fight the croup for ,him4' ,,how ,,one ,,touch ,,of ,,darwin ,,makes ,,the ,,whole ,,world ,,kin ,another humanitarian interest in ,darwinism was that ,darwin popularized ,evolution generally1 as well as making his own special contribution to it4 ,now the general conception of ,evolution provides the humanitarian with a scientific basis1 because it establishes the fundamental equality of all living things4 ,it makes the killing of an animal murder in exactly the same sense as the killing of a man is murder4 ,it is sometimes necessary to kill men as it is always necessary to kill tigers2 but the old theoretic distinction between the two acts has been obliterated by ,evolution4 ,when ,i was a child and was told that our dog and our parrot1 with whom ,i was on intimate terms1 were not creatures like myself1 but were brutal whilst ,i was reasonable1 ,i not only did not believe it1 but quite consciously and intellectually formed the opinion that the distinction was false2 so that afterwards1 when ,darwin's views were first unfolded to me1 ,i promptly said that ,i had found out all that for myself before ,i was ten years old2 and ,i am far from sure that my youthful arrogance was not justified2 for this sense of the kinship of all forms of life is all that is needed to make ,evolution not only a conceivable theory1 but an inspiring one4 ,st ,anthony was ripe for the ,evolution theory when he preached to the fishes1 and ,st ,francis when he called the birds his little brothers4 ,our vanity1 and our snobbish conception of ,godhead as being1 like earthly kingship1 a supreme class distinction instead of the rock on which ,equality is built1 had led us to insist on ,god offering us special terms by placing us apart from and above all the rest of his creatures4 ,evolution took that conceit out of us2 and now1 though we may kill a flea without the smallest remorse1 we at all events know that we are killing our cousin4 ,no doubt it shocks the flea when the creature that an almighty ,celestial ,flea created expressly for the food of fleas1 destroys the jumping lord of creation with his sharp and enormous thumbnail2 but no flea will ever be so foolish as to preach that in slaying fleas ,man is applying a method of ,natural ,selection which will finally evolve a flea so swift that no man can catch him1 and so hardy of constitution that ,insect ,powder will have no more effect on him than strychnine on an elephant4 ,,why ,,darwin ,,pleased ,,the ,,socialists ,the ,humanitarians were not alone among the agitators in their welcome to ,darwin4 ,he had the luck to please everybody who had an axe to grind4 ,the ,militarists were as enthusiastic as the ,humanitarians1 the ,socialists as the ,capitalists4 ,the ,socialists were specially encouraged by ,darwin's insistence on the influence of environment4 ,perhaps the strongest moral bulwark of ,capitalism is the belief in the efficacy of individual righteousness4 ,robert ,owen made desperate efforts to convince ,england that her criminals1 her drunkards1 her ignorant and stupid masses1 were the victims of circumstance3 that if we would only establish his new moral world we should find that the masses born into an educated and moralized community would be themselves educated and moralized4 ,the stock reply to this is to be found in ,lewes's ,life of ,goethe4 ,lewes scorned the notion that circumstances govern character4 ,he pointed to the variety of character in the governing rich class to prove the contrary4 ,similarity of circumstance can hardly be carried to a more desolating dead level than in the case of the individuals who are born and bred in ,english country houses1 and sent first to ,eton or ,harrow1 and then to ,oxford or ,cambridge1 to have their minds and habits formed4 ,such a routine would destroy individuality if anything could4 ,yet individuals come out from it as different as ,pitt from ,fox1 as ,lord ,russell from ,lord ,gurzon1 as ,mr ,winston ,churchill from ,lord ,robert ,cecil4 ,this acceptance of the congenital character of the individual as the determining factor in his destiny had been reinforced by the ,lamarckian view of ,evolution4 ,if the giraffe can develop his neck by wanting and trying1 a man can develop his character in the same way4 ,the old saying1 ',where there is a will1 there is a way1' condenses ,lamarck's theory of functional adaptation into a proverb4 ,this felt bracingly moral to strong minds1 and reassuringly pious to feeble ones4 ,there was no more effective retort to the ,socialist than to tell him to reform himself before he pretends to reform society4 ,if you were rich1 how pleasant it was to feel that you owed your riches to the superiority of your own character6 ,the industrial revolution had turned numbers of greedy dullards into monstrously rich men4 ,nothing could be more humiliating and threatening to them than the view that the falling of a shower of gold into their pockets was as pure an accident as the falling of a shower of hail on their umbrellas1 and happened alike to the just and unjust4 ,nothing could be more flattering and fortifying to them than the assumption that they were rich because they were virtuous4 ,now ,darwinism made a clean sweep of all such self-righteousness4 ,it more than justified ,robert ,owen by discovering in the environment of an organism an influence on it more potent than ,owen had ever claimed4 ,it implied that street arabs are produced by slums and not by original sin3 that prostitutes are produced by starvation wages and not by feminine concupiscence4 ,it threw the authority of science on the side of the ,socialist who said that he who would reform himself must first reform society4 ,it suggested that if we want healthy and wealthy citizens we must have healthy and wealthy towns2 and that these can exist only in healthy and wealthy countries4 ,it could be led to the conclusion that the type of character which remains indifferent to the welfare of its neighbors as long as its own personal appetite is satisfied is the disastrous type1 and the type which is deeply concerned about its environment the only possible type for a permanently prosperous community4 ,it shewed that the surprising changes which ,robert ,owen had produced in factory children by a change in their circumstances which does not seem any too generous to us nowadays were as nothing to the changes--changes not only of habits but of species1 not only of species but of orders--which might conceivably be the work of environment acting on individuals without any character or intellectual consciousness whatever4 ,no wonder the ,socialists received ,darwin with open arms4 ,,darwin ,,and ,,karl ,,marx ,besides1 the ,socialists had an evolutionary prophet of their own1 who had discredited ,manchester as ,darwin discredited the ,garden of ,eden4 ,karl ,marx had proclaimed in his ,communist ,manifesto of #ahdh 7now enjoying ,scriptural authority in ,russia7 that civilization is an organism evolving irresistibly by circumstantial selection2 and he published the first volume of his ,das ,kapital in #ahfg4 ,the revolt against anthropomorphic idolatry1 which was1 as we have seen1 the secret of ,darwin's success1 had been accompanied by a revolt against the conventional respectability which covered not only the brigandage and piracy of the feudal barons1 but the hypocrisy1 inhumanity1 snobbery1 and greed of the bourgeoisie1 who were utterly corrupted by an essentially diabolical identification of success in life with big profits4 ,the moment ,marx shewed that the relation of the bourgeoisie to society was grossly immoral and disastrous1 and that the whited wall of starched shirt fronts concealed and defended the most infamous of all tyrannies and the basest of all robberies1 he became an inspired prophet in the mind of every generous soul whom his book reached4 ,he had said and proved what they wanted to have proved2 and they would hear nothing against him4 ,now ,marx was by no means infallible3 his economics1 half borrowed1 and half home-made by a literary amateur1 were not1 when strictly followed up1 even favorable to ,socialism4 ,his theory of civilisation had been promulgated already in ,buckle's ,history of ,civilization1 a book as epoch-making in the minds of its readers as ,das ,kapital4 ,there was nothing about ,socialism in the widely read first volume of ,das ,kapital3 every reference it made to workers and capitalists shewed that ,marx had never breathed industrial air1 and had dug his case out of bluebooks in the ,british ,museum4 ,compared to ,darwin1 he seemed to have no power of observation3 there was not a fact in ,das ,kapital that had not been taken out of a book1 nor a discussion that had not been opened by somebody else's pamphlet4 ,no matter3 he exposed the bourgeoisie and made an end of its moral prestige4 ,that was enough3 like ,darwin he had for the moment the ,world ,will by the ear4 ,marx had1 too1 what ,darwin had not3 implacability and a fine ,jewish literary gift1 with terrible powers of hatred1 invective1 irony1 and all the bitter qualities bred1 first in the oppression of a rather pampered young genius 7,marx was the spoilt child of a well-to-do family7 by a social system utterly uncongenial to him1 and later on by exile and poverty4 ,thus ,marx and ,darwin between them toppled over two closely related idols1 and became the prophets of two new creeds4 ,,why ,,darwin ,,pleased ,,the ,,profiteers ,,also ,but how1 at this rate1 did ,darwin succeed with the capitalists too8 ,it is not easy to make the best of both worlds when one of the worlds is preaching a ,class ,war1 and the other vigorously practising it4 ,the explanation is that ,darwinism was so closely related to ,capitalism that ,marx regarded it as an economic product rather than as a biological theory4 ,darwin got his main postulate1 the pressure of population on the available means of subsistence1 from the treatise of ,malthus on ,population1 just as he got his other postulate of a practically unlimited time for that pressure to operate from the geologist ,lyell1 who made an end of ,archbishop ,ussher's ,biblical estimate of the age of the earth as #djjd ,b4,c4 plus ,a4,d4 ,the treatises of the ,ricardian economists on the ,law of ,diminishing ,return1 which was only the ,manchester ,school's version of the giraffe and the trees1 were all very fiercely discussed when ,darwin was a young man4 ,in fact the discovery in the eighteenth century by the ,french ,physiocrats of the economic effects of ,commercial ,selection in soils and sites1 and by ,malthus of a competition for subsistence which he attributed to pressure of population on available subsistence1 had already brought political science into that unbreathable atmosphere of fatalism which is the characteristic blight of ,darwinism4 ,long before ,darwin published a line1 the ,ricardo-,malthusian economists were preaching the fatalistic ,wages ,fund doctrine1 and assuring the workers that ,trade ,unionism is a vain defiance of the inexorable laws of political economy1 just as the ,neo-,darwinians were presently assuring us that ,temperance ,legislation is a vain defiance of ,natural ,selection1 and that the true way to deal with drunkenness is to flood the country with cheap gin and let the fittest survive4 ,cobdenism is1 after all1 nothing but the abandonment of trade to ,circumstantial ,selection4 ,it is hardly possible to exaggerate the importance of this preparation for ,darwinism by a vast political and clerical propaganda of its moral atmosphere4 ,never in history1 as far as we know1 had there been such a determined1 richly subsidized1 politically organized attempt to persuade the human race that all progress1 all prosperity1 all salvation1 individual and social1 depend on an unrestrained conflict for food and money1 on the suppression and elimination of the weak by the strong1 on ,free ,trade1 ,free ,contract1 ,free ,competition1 ,natural ,liberty1 ,laisser-faire3 in short1 on 'doing the other fellow down' with impunity1 all interference by a guiding government1 all organization except police organization to protect legalized fraud against fisticuffs1 all attempt to introduce human purpose and design and forethought into the industrial welter1 being 'contrary to the laws of political economy4' ,even the proletariat sympathized1 though to them ,capitalist liberty meant only wage slavery without the legal safeguards of chattel slavery4 ,people were tired of governments and kings and priests and providences1 and wanted to find out how ,nature would arrange matters if she were let alone4 ,and they found it out to their cost in the days when ,lancashire used up nine generations of wage slaves in one generation of their masters4 ,but their masters1 becoming richer and richer1 were very well satisfied1 and ,bastiat proved convincingly that ,nature had arranged ,economic ,harmonies which would settle social questions far better than theocracies or aristocracies or mobocracies1 the real deus ex machina being unrestrained plutocracy4 ,,the ,,poetry ,,and ,,purity ,,of ,,materialism ,thus the stars in their courses fought for ,darwin4 ,every faction drew a moral from him2 every catholic hater of faction founded a hope on him2 every blackguard felt justified by him2 and every saint felt encouraged by him4 ,the notion that any harm could come of so splendid an enlightenment seemed as silly as the notion that the atheists would steal all our spoons4 ,the physicists went further than the ,darwinians4 ,tyndall declared that he saw in ,matter the promise and potency of all forms of life1 and with his ,irish graphic lucidity made a picture of a world of magnetic atoms1 each atom with a positive and a negative pole1 arranging itself by attraction and repulsion in orderly crystalline structure4 ,such a picture is dangerously fascinating to thinkers oppressed by the bloody disorders of the living world4 ,craving for purer subjects of thought1 they find in the contemplation of crystals and magnets a happiness more dramatic and less childish than the happiness found by the mathematicians in abstract numbers1 because they see in the crystals beauty and movement without the corrupting appetites of fleshly vitality4 ,in such ,materialism as that of ,lucretius and ,tyndall there is a nobility which produces poetry3 ,john ,davidson found his highest inspiration in it4 ,even its pessimism as it faces the cooling of the sun and the return of the ice-caps does not degrade the pessimist3 for example1 the ,quincy ,adamses1 with their insistence on modern democratic degradation as an inevitable result of solar shrinkage1 are not dehumanized as the vivisectionists are4 ,perhaps nobody is at heart fool enough to believe that life is at the mercy of temperature3 ,dante was not troubled by the objection that ,brunetto could not have lived in the fire nor ,ugolino in the ice4 ,but the physicists found their intellectual vision of the world incommunicable to those who were not born with it4 ,it came to the public simply as ,materialism2 and ,materialism lost its peculiar purity and dignity when it entered into the ,darwinian reaction against ,bible fetichism4 ,between the two of them religion was knocked to pieces2 and where there had been a god1 a cause1 a faith that the universe was ordered however inexplicable by us its order might be1 and therefore a sense of moral responsibility as part of that order1 there was now an utter void4 ,chaos had come again4 ,the first effect was exhilarating3 we had the runaway child's sense of freedom before it gets hungry and lonely and frightened4 ,in this phase we did not desire our ,god back again4 ,we printed the verses in which ,william ,blake1 the most religious of our great poets1 called the anthropomorphic idol ,old ,nobodaddy1 and gibed at him in terms which the printer had to leave us to guess from his blank spaces4 ,we had heard the parson droning that ,god is not mocked2 and it was great fun to mock ,him to our hearts' content and not be a penny the worse4 ,it did not occur to us that ,old ,nobodaddy1 instead of being a ridiculous fiction1 might be only an impostor1 and that the exposure of this ,koepenik ,captain of the heavens1 far from proving that there was no real captain1 rather proved the contrary3 that1 in short1 ,nobodaddy could not have impersonated anybody if there had not been ,somebodaddy to impersonate4 ,we did not see the significance of the fact that on the last occasion on which ,god had been 'expelled with a pitchfork1' men so different as ,voltaire and ,robespierre had said1 the one that if ,god did not exist it would be necessary to invent him1 and the other that after an honest attempt to dispense with a ,supreme ,being in practical politics1 some such hypothesis had been found quite indispensable1 and could not be replaced by a mere ,goddess of ,reason4 ,if these two opinions were quoted at all1 they were quoted as jokes at the expense of ,nobodaddy4 ,we were quite sure for the moment that whatever lingering superstition might have daunted these men of the eighteenth century1 we ,darwinians could do without ,god1 and had made a good riddance of ,him4 ,,the ,,viceroys ,,of ,,the ,,king ,,of ,,kings ,now in politics it is much easier to do without ,god than to do without his viceroys and vicars and lieutenants2 and we begin to miss the lieutenants long before we begin to miss their principal4 ,roman ,catholics do what their confessors advise without troubling ,god2 and ,royalists are content to worship the ,king and ask the policeman4 ,but ,god's trustiest lieutenants often lack official credentials4 ,they may be professed atheists who are also men of honor and high public spirit4 ,the old belief that it matters dreadfully to ,god whether a man thinks himself an atheist or not1 and that the extent to which it matters can be stated with exactness as one single damn1 was an error3 for the divinity is in the honor and public spirit1 not in the mouthed credo or non credo4 ,the consequences of this error became grave when the fitness of a man for public trust was tested1 not by his honor and public spirit1 but by asking him whether he believed in ,nobodaddy or not4 ,if he said yes1 he was held fit to be a ,prime ,minister1 though1 as our ablest ,churchman has said1 the real implication was that he was either a fool1 a bigot1 or a liar4 ,darwin destroyed this test2 but when it was only thoughtlessly dropped1 there was no test at all2 and the door to public trust was open to the man who had no sense of ,god because he had no sense of anything beyond his own business interests and personal appetites and ambitions4 ,as a result1 the people who did not feel in the least inconvenienced by being no longer governed by ,nobodaddy soon found themselves very acutely inconvenienced by being governed by fools and commercial adventurers4 ,they had forgotten not only ,god but ,goldsmith1 who had warned them that 'honor sinks where commerce long prevails4' ,the lieutenants of ,god are not always persons3 some of them are legal and parliamentary fictions4 ,one of them is ,public ,opinion4 ,the pre-,darwinian statesmen and publicists were not restrained directly by ,god2 but they restrained themselves by setting up an image of a ,public ,opinion which would not tolerate any attempt to tamper with ,british liberties4 ,their favorite way of putting it was that any ,government which proposed such and such an infringement of such and such a ,british liberty would be hurled from office in a week4 ,this was not true3 there was no such public opinion1 no limit to what the ,british people would put up with in the abstract1 and no hardship short of immediate and sudden starvation that it would not and did not put up with in the concrete4 ,but this very helplessness of the people had forced their rulers to pretend that they were not helpless1 and that the certainty of a sturdy and unconquerable popular resistance forbade any trifling with ,magna ,carta or the ,petition of ,rights or the authority of parliament4 ,now the reality behind this fiction was the divine sense that liberty is a need vital to human growth4 ,accordingly1 though it was difficult enough to effect a political reform1 yet1 once parliament had passed it1 its wildest opponent had no hope that the ,government would cancel it1 or shelve it1 or be bought off from executing it4 ,from ,walpole to ,campbell-,bannerman there was no ,prime ,minister to whom such renagueing or trafficking would ever have occurred1 though there were plenty who employed corruption unsparingly to procure the votes of members of parliament for their policy4 ,,political ,,opportunism ,,in ,,excelsis ,the moment ,nobodaddy was slain by ,darwin1 ,public ,opinion1 as divine deputy1 lost its sanctity4 ,politicians no longer told themselves that the ,british public would never suffer this or that3 they allowed themselves to know that for their own personal purposes1 which are limited to their ten or twenty years on the front benches in parliament1 the ,british public can be humbugged and coerced into believing and suffering everything that it pays to impose on them1 and that any false excuse for an unpopular step will serve if it can be kept in countenance for a fortnight3 that is1 until the terms of the excuse are forgotten4 ,the people1 untaught or mistaught1 are so ignorant and incapable politically that this in itself would not greatly matter2 for a statesman who told them the truth would not be understood1 and would in effect mislead them more completely than if he dealt with them according to their blindness instead of to his own wisdom4 ,but though there is no difference in this respect between the best demagogue and the worst1 both of them having to present their cases equally in terms of melodrama1 there is all the difference in the world between the statesman who is humbugging the people into allowing him to do the will of ,god1 in whatever disguise it may come to him1 and one who is humbugging them into furthering his personal ambition and the commercial interests of the plutocrats who own the newspapers and support him on reciprocal terms4 ,and there is almost as great a difference between the statesman who does this naively and automatically1 or even does it telling himself that he is ambitious and selfish and unscrupulous1 and the one who does it on principle1 believing that if everyone takes the line of least material resistance the result will be the survival of the fittest in a perfectly harmonious universe4 ,once produce an atmosphere of fatalism on principle1 and it matters little what the opinions or superstitions of the individual statesmen concerned may be4 ,a ,kaiser who is a devout reader of sermons1 a ,prime ,minister who is an emotional singer of hymns1 and a ,general who is a bigoted ,roman ,catholic may be the executants of the policy2 but the policy itself will be one of unprincipled opportunism2 and all the ,governments will be like the tramp who walks always with the wind and ends as a pauper1 or the stone that rolls down the hill and ends as an avalanche3 their way is the way to destruction4 ,,the ,,betrayal ,,of ,,western ,,civilization ,within sixty years from the publication of ,darwin's ,origin of ,species political opportunism had brought parliaments into contempt2 created a popular demand for direct action by the organized industries 7',syndicalism'72 and wrecked the centre of ,europe in a paroxysm of that chronic terror of one another1 that cowardice of the irreligious1 which1 masked in the bravado of militarist patriotism1 had ridden the ,powers like a nightmare since the ,franco-,prussian war of #ahgj-ga4 ,the sturdy old cosmopolitan ,liberalism vanished almost unnoticed4 ,at the present moment all the new ordinances for the government of our ,grown ,colonies contain1 as a matter of course1 prohibitions of all criticism1 spoken or written1 of their ruling officials1 which would have scandalized ,george ,,iii and elicited ,liberal pamphlets from ,catherine ,,ii4 ,statesmen are afraid of the suburbs1 of the newspapers1 of the profiteers1 of the diplomatists1 of the militarists1 of the country houses1 of the trade unions1 of everything ephemeral on earth except the revolutions they are provoking2 and they would be afraid of these if they were not too ignorant of society and history to appreciate the risk1 and to know that a revolution always seems hopeless and impossible the day before it breaks out1 and indeed never does break out until it seems hopeless and impossible2 for rulers who think it possible take care to insure the risk by ruling reasonably4 ,this brings about a condition fatal to all political stability3 namely1 that you never know where to have the politicians4 ,if the fear of ,god was in them it might be possible to come to some general understanding as to what ,god disapproves of2 and ,europe might pull together on that basis4 ,but the present panic1 in which ,prime ,ministers drift from election to election1 either fighting or running away from everybody who shakes a fist at them1 makes a ,european civilization impossible4 ,such peace and prosperity as we enjoyed before the war depended on the loyalty of the ,western ,states to their own civilization4 ,that loyalty could find practical expression only in an alliance of the highly civilized ,western ,powers against the primitive tyrannies of the ,east4 ,britain1 ,germany1 ,france1 and the ,united ,states of ,america could have imposed peace on the world1 and nursed modern civilization in ,russia1 ,turkey1 and the ,balkans4 ,every meaner consideration should have given way to this need for the solidarity of the higher civilization4 ,what actually happened was that ,france and ,england1 through their clerks the diplomatists1 made an alliance with ,russia to defend themselves against ,germany2 ,germany made an alliance with ,turkey to defend herself against the three2 and the two unnatural and suicidal combinations fell on one another in a war that came nearer to being a war of extermination than any wars since those of ,timur the ,tartar2 whilst the ,united ,states held aloof as long as they could1 and the other ,states either did the same or joined in the fray through compulsion1 bribery1 or their judgment as to which side their bread was buttered4 ,and at the present moment1 though the main fighting has ceased through the surrender of ,germany on terms which the victors have never dreamt of observing1 the extermination by blockade and famine1 which was what forced ,germany to surrender1 still continues1 although it is certain that if the vanquished starve the victors will starve too1 and ,europe will liquidate its affairs by going1 not into bankruptcy1 but into chaos4 ,now all this1 it will be noticed1 was fundamentally nothing but an idiotic attempt on the part of each belligerent ,state to secure for itself the advantage of the survival of the fittest through ,circumstantial ,selection4 ,if the ,western ,powers had selected their allies in the ,lamarckian manner intelligently1 purposely1 and vitally1 ad majorem ,dei gloriam1 as what ,nietzsche called good ,europeans1 there would have been a ,league of ,nations and no war4 ,but because the selection relied on was purely circumstantial opportunist selection1 so that the alliances were mere marriages of convenience1 they have turned out1 not merely as badly as might have been expected1 but far worse than the blackest pessimist had ever imagined possible4 ,,circumstantial ,,selection ,,in ,,finance ,how it will all end we do not yet know4 ,when wolves combine to kill a horse1 the death of the horse only sets them fighting one another for the choicest morsels4 ,men are no better than wolves if they have no better principles3 accordingly1 we find that the ,armistice and the ,treaty have not extricated us from the war4 ,a handful of ,serbian regicides flung us into it as a sporting navvy throws a bull pup at a cat2 but the ,supreme ,council1 with all its victorious legions and all its prestige1 cannot get us out of it1 though we are heartily sick and tired of the whole business1 and know now very well that it should never have been allowed to happen4 ,but we are helpless before a slate scrawled with figures of ,national ,debts4 ,as there is no money to pay them because it was all spent on the war 7wars have to be paid for on the nail7 the sensible thing to do is to wipe the slate and let the wrangling ,states distribute what they can spare1 on the sound communist principle of from each according to his ability1 to each according to his need4 ,but no3 we have no principles left1 not even commercial ones2 for what sane commercialist would decree that ,france must not pay for her failure to defend her own soil2 that ,germany must pay for her success in carrying the war into the enemy's country2 and that as ,germany has not the money to pay1 and under our commercial system can make it only by becoming once more a commercial competitor of ,england and ,france1 which neither of them will allow1 she must borrow the money from ,england1 or ,america1 or even from ,france3 an arrangement by which the victorious creditors will pay one another1 and wait to get their money back until ,germany is either strong enough to refuse to pay or ruined beyond the possibility of paying8 ,meanwhile ,russia1 reduced to a scrap of fish and a pint of cabbage soup a day1 has fallen into the hands of rulers who perceive that ,materialist ,communism is at all events more effective than ,materialist ,nihilism1 and are attempting to move in an intelligent and ordered manner1 practising a very strenuous ,intentional ,selection of workers as fitter to survive than idlers2 whilst the ,western ,powers are drifting and colliding and running on the rocks1 in the hope that if they continue to do their worst they will get ,naturally ,selected for survival without the trouble of thinking about it4 ,,the ,,homeopathic ,,reaction ,,against ,,darwinism ,when1 like the ,russians1 our ,nihilists have it urgently borne in on them1 by the brute force of rising wages that never overtake rising prices1 that they are being ,naturally ,selected for destruction1 they will perhaps remember that ',dont ,care came to a bad end1' and begin to look round for a religion4 ,and the whole purpose of this book is to shew them where to look4 ,for1 throughout all the godless welter of the infidel half-century1 ,darwinism has been acting not only directly but homeopathically1 its poison rallying our vital forces not only to resist it and cast it out1 but to achieve a new ,reformation and put a credible and healthy religion in its place4 ,samuel ,butler was the pioneer of the reaction as far as the casting out was concerned2 but the issue was confused by the physiologists1 who were divided on the question into ,mechanists and ,vitalists4 ,the ,mechanists said that life is nothing but physical and chemical action2 that they have demonstrated this in many cases of so-called vital phenomena2 and that there is no reason to doubt that with improved methods they will presently be able to demonstrate it in all of them4 ,the ,vitalists said that a dead body and a live one are physically and chemically identical1 and that the difference can be accounted for only by the existence of a ,vital ,force4 ,this seems simple2 but the ,anti-,mechanists objected to be called ,vitalists 7obviously the right name for them7 on two contradictory grounds4 ,first1 that vitality is scientifically inadmissible1 because it cannot be isolated and experimented with in the laboratory4 ,second1 that force1 being by definition anything that can alter the speed or direction of matter in motion 7briefly1 that can overcome inertia71 is essentially a mechanistic conception4 ,here we had the ,new ,vitalist only half extricated from the ,old ,mechanist1 objecting to be called either1 and unable to give a clear lead in the new direction4 ,and there was a deeper antagonism4 ,the ,old ,vitalists1 in postulating a ,vital ,force1 were setting up a comparatively mechanical conception as against the divine idea of the life breathed into the clay nostrils of ,adam1 whereby he became a living soul4 ,the ,new ,vitalists1 filled by their laboratory researches with a sense of the miraculousness of life that went far beyond the comparatively uninformed imaginations of the authors of the ,book of ,genesis1 regarded the ,old ,vitalists as ,mechanists who had tried to fill up the gulf between life and death with an empty phrase denoting an imaginary physical force4 ,these professional faction fights are ephemeral1 and need not trouble us here4 ,the ,old ,vitalist1 who was essentially a ,materialist1 has evolved into the ,new ,vitalist1 who is1 as every genuine scientist must be1 finally a metaphysician4 ,and as the ,new ,vitalist turns from the disputes of his youth to the future of his science1 he will cease to boggle at the name ,vitalist1 or at the inevitable1 ancient1 popular1 and quite correct use of the term ,force to denote metaphysical as well as physical overcomers of inertia4 ,since the discovery of ,evolution as the method of the ,life ,force the religion of metaphysical ,vitalism has been gaining the definiteness and concreteness needed to make it assimilable by the educated critical man4 ,but it has always been with us4 ,the popular religions1 disgraced by their ,opportunist cardinals and bishops1 have been kept in credit by canonized saints whose secret was their conception of themselves as the instruments and vehicles of divine power and aspiration3 a conception which at moments becomes an actual experience of ecstatic possession by that power4 ,and above and below all have been millions of humble and obscure persons1 sometimes totally illiterate1 sometimes unconscious of having any religion at all1 sometimes believing in their simplicity that the gods and temples and priests of their district stood for their instinctive righteousness1 who have kept sweet the tradition that good people follow a light that shines within and above and ahead of them1 that bad people care only for themselves1 and that the good are saved and blessed and the bad damned and miserable4 ,protestantism was a movement towards the pursuit of a light called an inner light because every man must see it with his own eyes and not take any priest's word for it or any ,church's account of it4 ,in short1 there is no question of a new religion1 but rather of redistilling the eternal spirit of religion and thus extricating it from the sludgy residue of temporalities and legends that are making belief impossible1 though they are the stock-in-trade of all the ,churches and all the ,schools4 ,,religion ,,and ,,romance ,it is the adulteration of religion by the romance of miracles and paradises and torture chambers that makes it reel at the impact of every advance in science1 instead of being clarified by it4 ,if you take an ,english village lad1 and teach him that religion means believing that the stories of ,noah's ,ark and the ,garden of ,eden are literally true on the authority of ,god himself1 and if that boy becomes an artisan and goes into the town among the sceptical city proletariat1 then1 when the jibes of his mates set him thinking1 and he sees that these stories cannot be literally true1 and learns that no candid prelate now pretends to believe them1 he does not make any fine distinctions3 he declares at once that religion is a fraud1 and parsons and teachers hypocrites and liars4 ,he becomes indifferent to religion if he has little conscience1 and indignantly hostile to it if he has a good deal4 ,the same revolt against wantonly false teaching is happening daily in the professional classes whose recreation is reading and whose intellectual sport is controversy4 ,they banish the ,bible from their houses1 and sometimes put into the hands of their unfortunate children ,ethical and ,rationalist tracts of the deadliest dullness1 compelling these wretched infants to sit out the discourses of ,secularist lecturers 7,i have delivered some of them myself71 who bore them at a length now forbidden by custom in the established pulpit4 ,our minds have reacted so violently towards provable logical theorems and demonstrable mechanical or chemical facts that we have become incapable of metaphysical truth1 and try to cast out incredible and silly lies by credible and clever ones1 calling in ,satan to cast out ,satan1 and getting more into his clutches than ever in the process4 ,thus the world is kept sane less by the saints than by the vast mass of the indifferent1 who neither act nor react in the matter4 ,butler's preaching of the gospel of ,laodicea was a piece of common sense founded on his observation of this4 ,but indifference will not guide nations through civilization to the establishment of the perfect city of ,god4 ,an indifferent statesman is a contradiction in terms2 and a statesman who is indifferent on principle1 a ,laisser-faire or ,muddle-,through doctrinaire1 plays the deuce with us in the long run4 ,our statesmen must get a religion by hook or crook2 and as we are committed to ,adult ,suffrage it must be a religion capable of vulgarization4 ,the thought first put into words by the ,mills when they said ',there is no ,god2 but this is a family secret1' and long held unspoken by aristocratic statesmen and diplomatists1 will not serve now2 for the revival of civilization after the war cannot be effected by artificial breathing3 the driving force of an undeluded popular consent is indispensable1 and will be impossible until the statesman can appeal to the vital instincts of the people in terms of a common religion4 ,the success of the ,hang the ,kaiser cry at the last ,general ,election shews us very terrifyingly how a common irreligion can be used by myopic demagogy2 and common irreligion will destroy civilization unless it is countered by common religion4 ,,the ,,danger ,,of ,,reaction ,and here arises the danger that when we realize this we shall do just what we did half a century ago1 and what ,pliable did in ,the ,pilgrim's ,progress when ,christian landed him in the ,slough of ,despond3 that is1 run back in terror to our old superstitions4 ,we jumped out of the frying-pan into the fire2 and we are just as likely to jump back again1 now that we feel hotter than ever4 ,history records very little in the way of mental activity on the part of the mass of mankind except a series of stampedes from affirmative errors into negative ones and back again4 ,it must therefore be said very precisely and clearly that the bankruptcy of ,darwinism does not mean that ,nobodaddy was ,somebodaddy with 'body1 parts1 and passions' after all2 that the world was made in the year #djjd ,b4,c42 that damnation means a eternity of blazing brimstone2 that the ,immaculate ,conception means that sex is sinful and that ,christ was parthenogenetically brought forth by a virgin descended in like manner from a line of virgins right back to ,eve2 that the ,trinity is an anthropomorphic monster with three heads which are yet only one head2 that in ,rome the bread and wine on the altar become flesh and blood1 and in ,england1 in a still more mystical manner1 they do and they do not2 that the ,bible is an infallible scientific manual1 an accurate historical chronicle1 and a complete guide to conduct2 that we may lie and cheat and murder and then wash ourselves innocent in the blood of the lamb on ,sunday at the cost of a credo and a penny in the plate1 and so on and so forth4 ,civilization cannot be saved by people not only crude enough to believe these things1 but irreligious enough to believe that such belief constitutes a religion4 ,the education of children cannot safely be left in their hands4 ,if dwindling sects like the ,church of ,england1 the ,church of ,rome1 the ,greek ,church1 and the rest1 persist in trying to cramp the human mind within the limits of these grotesque perversions of natural truths and poetic metaphors1 then they must be ruthlessly banished from the schools until they either perish in general contempt or discover the soul that is hidden in every dogma4 ,the real ,class ,war will be a war of intellectual classes2 and its conquest will be the souls of the children4 ,a ,,touchstone ,,for ,,dogma ,the test of a dogma is its universality4 ,as long as the ,church of ,england preaches a single doctrine that the ,brahman1 the ,buddhist1 the ,mussulman1 the ,parsee1 and all the other sectarians who are ,british subjects cannot accept1 it has no legitimate place in the counsels of the ,british ,commonwealth1 and will remain what it is at present1 a corrupter of youth1 a danger to the ,state1 and an obstruction to the ,fellowship of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,this has never been more strongly felt than at present1 after a war in which the ,church failed grossly in the courage of its profession1 and sold its lilies for the laurels of the soldiers of the ,victoria ,cross4 ,all the cocks in ,christendom have been crowing shame on it ever since2 and it will not be spared for the sake of the two or three faithful who were found even among the bishops4 ,let the ,church take it on authority1 even my authority 7as a professional legend maker7 if it cannot see the truth by its own light3 no dogma can be a legend4 ,a legend can pass an ethnical frontier as a legend1 but not as a truth2 whilst the only frontier to the currency of a sound dogma as such is the frontier of capacity for understanding it4 ,this does not mean that we should throw away legend and parable and drama3 they are the natural vehicles of dogma2 but woe to the ,churches and rulers who substitute the legend for the dogma1 the parable for the history1 the drama for the religion6 ,better by far declare the throne of ,god empty than set a liar and a fool on it4 ,what are called wars of religion are always wars to destroy religion by affirming the historical truth or material substantiality of some legend1 and killing those who refuse to accept it as historical or substantial4 ,but who has ever refused to accept a good legend with delight as a legend8 ,the legends1 the parables1 the dramas1 are among the choicest treasures of mankind4 ,no one is ever tired of stories of miracles4 ,in vain did ,mahomet repudiate the miracles ascribed to him3 in vain did ,christ furiously scold those who asked him to give them an exhibition as a conjurer3 in vain did the saints declare that ,god chose them not for their powers but for their weaknesses2 that the humble might be exalted1 and the proud rebuked4 ,people will have their miracles1 their stories1 their heroes and heroines and saints and martyrs and divinities to exercise their gifts of affection1 admiration1 wonder1 and worship1 and their ,judases and devils to enable them to be angry and yet feel that they do well to be angry4 ,every one of these legends is the common heritage of the human race2 and there is only one inexorable condition attached to their healthy enjoyment1 which is that no one shall believe them literally4 ,the reading of stories and delighting in them made ,don ,quixote a gentleman3 the believing them literally made him a madman who slew lambs instead of feeding them4 ,in ,england today good books of ,eastern religious legends are read eagerly2 and ,protestants and ,atheists read ,roman ,catholic legends of the ,saints with pleasure4 ,but such fare is shirked by ,indians and ,roman ,catholics4 ,freethinkers read the ,bible3 indeed they seem to be its only readers now except the reluctant parsons at the church lecterns1 who communicate their discomfort to the congregation by gargling the words in their throats in an unnatural manner that is as repulsive as it is unintelligible4 ,and this is because the imposition of the legends as literal truths at once changes them from parables into falsehoods4 ,the feeling against the ,bible has become so strong at last that educated people not only refuse to outrage their intellectual consciences by reading the legend of ,noah's ,ark1 with its funny beginning about the animals and its exquisite end about the birds3 they will not read even the chronicles of ,king ,david1 which may very well be true1 and are certainly more candid than the official biographies of our contemporary monarchs4 ,,what ,,to ,,do ,,with ,,the ,,legends ,what we should do1 then1 is to pool our legends and make a delightful stock of religious folk-lore on an honest basis for all mankind4 ,with our minds freed from pretence and falsehood we could enter into the heritage of all the faiths4 ,china would share her sages with ,spain1 and ,spain her saints with ,china4 ,the ,ulster man who now gives his son an unmerciful thrashing if the boy is so tactless as to ask how the evening and the morning could be the first day before the sun was created1 or to betray an innocent calf-love for the ,virgin ,mary1 would buy him a bookful of legends of the creation and of mothers of ,god from all parts of the world1 and be very glad to find his laddie as interested in such things as in marbles or ,police and ,robbers4 ,that would be better than beating all good feeling towards religion out of the child1 and blackening his mind by teaching him that the worshippers of the holy virgins1 whether of the ,parthenon or ,st ,peter's1 are fire-doomed heathens and idolaters4 ,all the sweetness of religion is conveyed to the world by the hands of storytellers and image-makers4 ,without their fictions the truths of religion would for the multitude be neither intelligible nor even apprehensible2 and the prophets would prophesy and the teachers teach in vain4 ,and nothing stands between the people and the fictions except the silly falsehood that the fictions are literal truths1 and that there is nothing in religion but fiction4 ,a ,,lesson ,,from ,,science ,,to ,,the ,,churches ,let the ,churches ask themselves why there is no revolt against the dogmas of mathematics though there is one against the dogmas of religion4 ,it is not that the mathematical dogmas are more comprehensible4 ,the law of inverse squares is as incomprehensible to the common man as the ,athanasian creed4 ,it is not that science is free from legends1 witchcraft1 miracles1 biographic boostings of quacks as heroes and saints1 and of barren scoundrels as explorers and discoverers4 ,on the contrary1 the iconography and hagiology of ,scientism are as copious as they are mostly squalid4 ,but no student of science has yet been taught that specific gravity consists in the belief that ,archimedes jumped out of his bath and ran naked through the streets of ,syracuse shouting ,eureka1 ,eureka1 or that the law of inverse squares must be discarded if anyone can prove that ,newton was never in an orchard in his life4 ,when some unusually conscientious or enterprising bacteriologist reads the pamphlets of ,jenner1 and discovers that they might have been written by an ignorant but curious and observant nurserymaid1 and could not possibly have been written by any person with a scientifically trained mind1 he does not feel that the whole edifice of science has collapsed and crumbled1 and that there is no such thing as smallpox4 ,it may come to that yet2 for hygiene1 as it forces its way into our schools1 is being taught as falsely as religion is taught there2 but in mathematics and physics the faith is still kept pure1 and you may take the law and leave the legends without suspicion of heresy4 ,accordingly1 the tower of the mathematician stands unshaken whilst the temple of the priest rocks to its foundation4 ,,the ,,religious ,,art ,,of ,,the ,,twentieth ,,century ,creative ,evolution is already a religion1 and is indeed now unmistakeably the religion of the twentieth century1 newly arisen from the ashes of pseudo-,christianity1 of mere scepticism1 and of the soulless affirmations and blind negations of the ,mechanists and ,neo-,darwinians4 ,but it cannot become a popular religion until it has its legends1 its parables1 its miracles4 ,and when ,i say popular ,i do not mean apprehensible by villagers only4 ,i mean apprehensible by ,cabinet ,ministers as well4 ,it is unreasonable to look to the professional politician and administrator for light and leading in religion4 ,he is neither a philosopher nor a prophet3 if he were1 he would be philosophizing and prophesying1 and not neglecting both for the drudgery of practical government4 ,socrates and ,coleridge did not remain soldiers1 nor could ,john ,stuart ,mill remain the representative of ,westminster in the ,house of ,commons even when he was willing4 ,the ,westminster electors admired ,mill for telling them that much of the difficulty of dealing with them arose from their being inveterate liars4 ,but they would not vote a second time for the man who was not afraid to break the crust of mendacity on which they were all dancing2 for it seemed to them that there was a volcanic abyss beneath1 not having his philosophic conviction that the truth is the solidest standing ground in the end4 ,your front bench man will always be an exploiter of the popular religion or irreligion4 ,not being an expert1 he must take it as he finds it2 and before he can take it1 he must have been told stories about it in his childhood and had before him all his life an elaborate iconography of it produced by writers1 painters1 sculptors1 temple architects1 and artists of all the higher sorts4 ,even if1 as sometimes happens1 he is a bit of an amateur in metaphysics as well as a professional politician1 he must still govern according to the popular iconography1 and not according to his own personal interpretations if these happen to be heterodox4 ,it will be seen then that the revival of religion on a scientific basis does not mean the death of art1 but a glorious rebirth of it4 ,indeed art has never been great when it was not providing an iconography for a live religion4 ,and it has never been quite contemptible except when imitating the iconography after the religion had become a superstition4 ,italian painting from ,giotto to ,carpaccio is all religious painting2 and it moves us deeply and has real greatness4 ,compare with it the attempts of our painters a century ago to achieve the effects of the old masters by imitation when they should have been illustrating a faith of their own4 ,contemplate1 if you can bear it1 the dull daubs of ,hilton and ,haydon1 who knew so much more about drawing and scumbling and glazing and perspective and anatomy and 'marvellous foreshortening' than ,giotto1 the latchet of whose shoe they were nevertheless not worthy to unloose4 ,compare ,mozart's ,magic ,flute1 ,beethoven's ,ninth ,symphony1 ,wagner's ,ring1 all of them reachings-forward to the new ,vitalist art1 with the dreary pseudo-sacred oratorios and cantatas which were produced for no better reason than that ,handel had formerly made splendid thunder in that way1 and with the stale confectionery1 mostly too would-be pious to be even cheerfully toothsome1 of ,spohr and ,mendelssohn1 ,stainer and ,parry1 which spread indigestion at our musical festivals until ,i publicly told ,parry the bludgeoning truth about his ,job and woke him to conviction of sin4 ,compare ,flaxman and ,thorwaldsen and ,gibson with ,phidias and ,praxiteles1 ,stevens with ,michael ,angelo1 ,bouguereau's ,virgin with ,cimabue's1 or the best operatic ,christs of ,scheffer and ,mller with the worst ,christs that the worst painters could paint before the end of the fifteenth century1 and you must feel that until we have a great religious movement we cannot hope for a great artistic one4 ,the disillusioned ,raphael could paint a mother and child1 but not a queen of ,heaven as much less skilful men had done in the days of his great-grandfather2 yet he could reach forward to the twentieth century and paint a ,transfiguration of the ,son of ,man as they could not4 ,also1 please note1 he could decorate a house of pleasure for a cardinal very beautifully with voluptuous pictures of ,cupid and ,psyche2 for this simple sort of ,vitalism is always with us1 and1 like portrait painting1 keeps the artist supplied with subject-matter in the intervals between the ages of faith2 so that your sceptical ,rembrandts and ,velasquezs are at least not compelled to paint shop fronts for want of anything else to paint in which they can really believe4 ,,the ,,artist-,,prophets ,and there are always certain rare but intensely interesting anticipations4 ,michael ,angelo could not very well believe in ,julius ,,ii or ,leo ,x1 or in much that they believed in2 but he could paint the ,superman three hundred years before ,nietzsche wrote ,also ,sprach ,zarathustra and ,strauss set it to music4 ,michael ,angelo won the primacy among all modern painters and sculptors solely by his power of shewing us superhuman persons4 ,on the strength of his decoration and color alone he would hardly have survived his own death twenty years2 and even his design would have had only an academic interest2 but as a painter of prophets and sibyls he is greatest among the very greatest in his craft1 because we aspire to a world of prophets and sibyls4 ,beethoven never heard of radioactivity nor of electrons dancing in vortices of inconceivable energy2 but pray can anyone explain the last movement of his ,hammerklavier ,sonata1 ,opus #ajf1 otherwise than as a musical picture of these whirling electrons8 ,his contemporaries said he was mad1 partly perhaps because the movement was so hard to play2 but we1 who can make a pianola play it to us over and over until it is as familiar as ,pop ,goes the ,weasel1 know that it is sane and methodical4 ,as such1 it must represent something2 and as all ,beethoven's serious compositions represent some process within himself1 some nerve storm or soul storm1 and the storm here is clearly one of physical movement1 ,i should much like to know what other storm than the atomic storm could have driven him to this oddest of all those many expressions of cyclonic energy which have given him the same distinction among musicians that ,michael ,angelo has among draughtsmen4 ,in ,beethoven's day the business of art was held to be 'the sublime and beautiful4' ,in our day it has fallen to be the imitative and voluptuous4 ,in both periods the word passionate has been freely employed2 but in the eighteenth century passion meant irresistible impulse of the loftiest kind3 for example1 a passion for astronomy or for truth4 ,for us it has come to mean concupiscence and nothing else4 ,one might say to the art of ,europe what ,antony said to the corpse of ,caesar3 ',are all thy conquests1 glories1 triumphs1 spoils1 shrunk to this little measure8' ,but in fact it is the mind of ,europe that has shrunk1 being1 as we have seen1 wholly preoccupied with a busy spring-cleaning to get rid of its superstitions before readjusting itself to the new conception of ,evolution4 ,,evolution ,,in ,,the ,,theatre ,on the stage 7and here ,i come at last to my own particular function in the matter71 ,comedy1 as a destructive1 derisory1 critical1 negative art1 kept the theatre open when sublime tragedy perished4 ,from ,molire to ,oscar ,wilde we had a line of comedic playwrights who1 if they had nothing fundamentally positive to say1 were at least in revolt against falsehood and imposture1 and were not only1 as they claimed1 'chastening morals by ridicule1' but1 in ,johnson's phrase1 clearing our minds of cant1 and thereby shewing an uneasiness in the presence of error which is the surest symptom of intellectual vitality4 ,meanwhile the name of ,tragedy was assumed by plays in which everyone was killed in the last act1 just as1 in spite of ,molire1 plays in which everyone was married in the last act called themselves comedies4 ,now neither tragedies nor comedies can be produced according to a prescription which gives only the last moments of the last act4 ,shakespear did not make ,hamlet out of its final butchery1 nor ,twelfth ,night out of its final matrimony4 ,and he could not become the conscious iconographer of a religion because he had no conscious religion4 ,he had therefore to exercise his extraordinary natural gifts in the very entertaining art of mimicry1 giving us the famous 'delineation of character' which makes his plays1 like the novels of ,scott1 ,dumas1 and ,dickens1 so delightful4 ,also1 he developed that curious and questionable art of building us a refuge from despair by disguising the cruelties of ,nature as jokes4 ,but with all his gifts1 the fact remains that he never found the inspiration to write an original play4 ,he furbished up old plays1 and adapted popular stories1 and chapters of history from ,holinshed's ,chronicle and ,plutarch's biographies1 to the stage4 ,all this he did 7or did not2 for there are minus quantities in the algebra of art7 with a recklessness which shewed that his trade lay far from his conscience4 ,it is true that he never takes his characters from the borrowed story1 because it was less trouble and more fun to him to create them afresh2 but none the less he heaps the murders and villainies of the borrowed story on his own essentially gentle creations without scruple1 no matter how incongruous they may be4 ,and all the time his vital need for a philosophy drives him to seek one by the quaint professional method of introducing philosophers as characters into his plays1 and even of making his heroes philosophers2 but when they come on the stage they have no philosophy to expound3 they are only pessimists and railers2 and their occasional would-be philosophic speeches1 such as ,the ,seven ,ages of ,man and ,the ,soliloquy on ,suicide1 shew how deeply in the dark ,shakespear was as to what philosophy means4 ,he forced himself in among the greatest of playwrights without having once entered that region in which ,michael ,angelo1 ,beethoven1 ,goethe1 and the antique ,athenian stage poets are great4 ,he would really not be great at all if it were not that he had religion enough to be aware that his religionless condition was one of despair4 ,his towering ,king ,lear would be only a melodrama were it not for its express admission that if there is nothing more to be said of the universe than ,hamlet has to say1 then 'as flies to wanton boys are we to the gods3 they kill us for their sport4' ,ever since ,shakespear1 playwrights have been struggling with the same lack of religion2 and many of them were forced to become mere panders and sensation-mongers because1 though they had higher ambitions1 they could find no better subject-matter4 ,from ,congreve to ,sheridan they were so sterile in spite of their wit that they did not achieve between them the output of ,molire's single lifetime2 and they were all 7not without reason7 ashamed of their profession1 and preferred to be regarded as mere men of fashion with a rakish hobby4 ,goldsmith's was the only saved soul in that pandemonium4 ,the leaders among my own contemporaries 7now veterans7 snatched at minor social problems rather than write entirely without any wider purpose than to win money and fame4 ,one of them expressed to me his envy of the ancient ,greek playwrights because the ,athenians asked them1 not for some 'new and original' disguise of the half-dozen threadbare plots of the modern theatre1 but for the deepest lesson they could draw from the familiar and sacred legends of their country4 ',let us all1' he said1 'write an ,electra1 an ,antigone1 an ,agamemnon1 and shew what we can do with it4' ,but he did not write any of them1 because these legends are no longer religious3 ,aphrodite and ,artemis and ,poseidon are deader than their statues4 ,another1 with a commanding position and every trick of ,british farce and ,parisian drama at his fingers' ends1 finally could not write without a sermon to preach1 and yet could not find texts more fundamental than the hypocrisies of sham ,puritanism1 or the matrimonial speculation which makes our young actresses as careful of their reputations as of their complexions4 ,a third1 too tenderhearted to break our spirits with the realities of a bitter experience1 coaxed a wistful pathos and a dainty fun out of the fairy cloudland that lay between him and the empty heavens4 ,the giants of the theatre of our time1 ,ibsen and ,strindberg1 had no greater comfort for the world than we3 indeed much less2 for they refused us even the ,shakespearian-,dickensian consolation of laughter at mischief1 accurately called comic relief4 ,our emancipated young successors scorn us1 very properly4 ,but they will be able to do no better whilst the drama remains pre-,evolutionist4 ,let them consider the great exception of ,goethe4 ,he1 no richer than ,shakespear1 ,ibsen1 or ,strindberg in specific talent as a playwright1 is in the empyrean whilst they are gnashing their teeth in impotent fury in the mud1 or at best finding an acid enjoyment in the irony of their predicament4 ,goethe is ,olympian3 the other giants are infernal in everything but their veracity and their repudiation of the irreligion of their time3 that is1 they are bitter and hopeless4 ,it is not a question of mere dates4 ,goethe was an ,evolutionist in #ahcj3 many playwrights1 even young ones1 are still untouched by ,creative ,evolution in #aibj4 ,ibsen was ,darwinized to the extent of exploiting heredity on the stage much as the ancient ,athenian playwrights exploited the ,eumenides2 but there is no trace in his plays of any faith in or knowledge of ,creative ,evolution as a modern scientific fact4 ,true1 the poetic aspiration is plain enough in his ,emperor or ,galilean2 but it is one of ,ibsen's distinctions that nothing was valid for him but science2 and he left that vision of the future which his ,roman seer calls 'the third ,empire' behind him as a ,utopian dream when he settled down to his serious grapple with realities in those plays of modern life with which he overcame ,europe1 and broke the dusty windows of every dry-rotten theatre in it from ,moscow to ,manchester4 ,,my ,,own ,,part ,,in ,,the ,,matter ,in my own activities as a playwright ,i found this state of things intolerable4 ,the fashionable theatre prescribed one serious subject3 clandestine adultery3 the dullest of all subjects for a serious author1 whatever it may be for audiences who read the police intelligence and skip the reviews and leading articles4 ,i tried slum-landlordism1 doctrinaire ,free ,love 7pseudo-,ibsenism71 prostitution1 militarism1 marriage1 history1 current politics1 natural ,christianity1 national and individual character1 paradoxes of conventional society1 husband hunting1 questions of conscience1 professional delusions and impostures1 all worked into a series of comedies of manners in the classic fashion1 which was then very much out of fashion1 the mechanical tricks of ,parisian 'construction' being de rigueur in the theatre4 ,but this1 though it occupied me and established me professionally1 did not constitute me an iconographer of the religion of my time1 and thus fulfil my natural function as an artist4 ,i was quite conscious of this2 for ,i had always known that civilization needs a religion as a matter of life or death2 and as the conception of ,creative ,evolution developed ,i saw that we were at last within reach of a faith which complied with the first condition of all the religions that have ever taken hold of humanity3 namely1 that it must be1 first and fundamentally1 a science of metabiology4 ,this was a crucial point with me2 for ,i had seen ,bible fetichism1 after standing up to all the rationalistic batteries of ,hume1 ,voltaire1 and the rest1 collapse before the onslaught of much less gifted ,evolutionists1 solely because they discredited it as a biological document2 so that from that moment it lost its hold1 and left literate ,christendom faithless4 ,my own ,irish eighteenth-centuryism made it impossible for me to believe anything until ,i could conceive it as a scientific hypothesis1 even though the abominations1 quackeries1 impostures1 venalities1 credulities1 and delusions of the camp followers of science1 and the brazen lies and priestly pretensions of the pseudo-scientific cure-mongers1 all sedulously inculcated by modern 'secondary education1' were so monstrous that ,i was sometimes forced to make a verbal distinction between science and knowledge lest ,i should mislead my readers4 ,but ,i never forgot that without knowledge even wisdom is more dangerous than mere opportunist ignorance1 and that somebody must take the ,garden of ,eden in hand and weed it properly4 ,accordingly1 in #aija1 ,i took the legend of ,don ,juan in its ,mozartian form and made it a dramatic parable of ,creative ,evolution4 ,but being then at the height of my invention and comedic talent1 ,i decorated it too brilliantly and lavishly4 ,i surrounded it with a comedy of which it formed only one act1 and that act was so completely episodical 7it was a dream which did not affect the action of the piece7 that the comedy could be detached and played by itself3 indeed it could hardly be played at full length owing to the enormous length of the entire work1 though that feat has been performed a few times in ,scotland by ,mr ,esme ,percy1 who led one of the forlorn hopes of the advanced drama at that time4 ,also ,i supplied the published work with an imposing framework consisting of a preface1 an appendix called ,the ,revolutionist's ,handbook1 and a final display of aphoristic fireworks4 ,the effect was so vertiginous1 apparently1 that nobody noticed the new religion in the centre of the intellectual whirlpool4 ,now ,i protest ,i did not cut these cerebral capers in mere inconsiderate exuberance4 ,i did it because the worst convention of the criticism of the theatre current at that time was that intellectual seriousness is out of place on the stage2 that the theatre is a place of shallow amusement2 that people go there to be soothed after the enormous intellectual strain of a day in the city3 in short1 that a playwright is a person whose business it is to make unwholesome confectionery out of cheap emotions4 ,my answer to this was to put all my intellectual goods in the shop window under the sign of ,man and ,superman4 ,that part of my design succeeded4 ,by good luck and acting1 the comedy triumphed on the stage2 and the book was a good deal discussed4 ,since then the sweet-shop view of the theatre has been out of countenance2 and its critical exponents have been driven to take an intellectual pose which1 though often more trying than their old intellectually nihilistic vulgarity1 at least concedes the dignity of the theatre1 not to mention the usefulness of those who live by criticizing it4 ,and the younger playwrights are not only taking their art seriously1 but being taken seriously themselves4 ,the critic who ought to be a newsboy is now comparatively rare4 ,i now find myself inspired to make a second legend of ,creative ,evolution without distractions and embellishments4 ,my sands are running out2 the exuberance of #aija has aged into the garrulity of #aicj2 and the war has been a stern intimation that the matter is not one to be trifled with4 ,i abandon the legend of ,don ,juan with its erotic associations1 and go back to the legend of the ,garden of ,eden4 ,i exploit the eternal interest of the philosopher's stone which enables men to live for ever4 ,i am not1 ,i hope1 under more illusion than is humanly inevitable as to the crudity of this my beginning of a ,bible for ,creative ,evolution4 ,i am doing the best ,i can at my age4 ,my powers are waning2 but so much the better for those who found me unbearably brilliant when ,i was in my prime4 ,it is my hope that a hundred apter and more elegant parables by younger hands will soon leave mine as far behind as the religious pictures of the fifteenth century left behind the first attempts of the early ,christians at iconography4 ,in that hope ,i withdraw and ring up the curtain4 ,,back ,,to ,,methuselah4 ,,part ,i ,in the ,beginning ,,act ,i ,the ,garden of ,eden4 ,afternoon4 ,an immense serpent is sleeping with her head buried in a thick bed of ,johnswort1 and her body coiled in apparently endless rings through the branches of a tree1 which is already well grown2 for the days of creation have been longer than our reckoning4 ,she is not yet visible to anyone unaware of her presence1 as her colors of green and brown make a perfect camouflage4 ,near her head a low rock shows above the ,johnswort4 ,the rock and tree are on the border of a glade in which lies a dead fawn all awry1 its neck being broken4 ,adam1 crouching with one hand on the rock1 is staring in consternation at the dead body4 ,he has not noticed the serpent on his left hand4 ,he turns his face to his right and calls excitedly4 ,,adam4 ,eve6 ,eve6 ,,eve',s ,,voice4 ,what is it1 ,adam8 ,,adam4 ,come here4 ,quick4 ,something has happened4 ,,eve running in ,what8 ,where8 ,adam points to the fawn4 ,oh6 ,she goes to it2 and he is emboldened to go with her4 ,what is the matter with its eyes8 ,,adam4 ,it is not only its eyes4 ,look4 ,he kicks it4 ,,eve4 ,oh don't6 ,why doesn't it wake8 ,,adam4 ,i don't know4 ,it is not asleep4 ,,eve4 ,not asleep8 ,,adam4 ,try4 ,,eve trying to shake it and roll it over ,it is stiff and cold4 ,,adam4 ,nothing will wake it4 ,,eve4 ,it has a queer smell4 ,pah6 ,she dusts her hands1 and draws away from it4 ,did you find it like that8 ,,adam4 ,no4 ,it was playing about2 and it tripped and went head over heels4 ,it never stirred again4 ,its neck is wrong he stoops to lift the neck and shew her4 ,,eve4 ,dont touch it4 ,come away from it4 ,they both retreat1 and contemplate it from a few steps' distance with growing repulsion4 ,,eve4 ,adam4 ,,adam4 ,yes8 ,,eve4 ,suppose you were to trip and fall1 would you go like that8 ,,adam4 ,ugh6 ,he shudders and sits down on the rock4 ,,eve throwing herself on the ground beside him1 and grasping his knee ,you must be careful4 ,promise me you will be careful4 ,,adam4 ,what is the good of being careful8 ,we have to live here for ever4 ,think of what for ever means6 ,sooner or later ,i shall trip and fall4 ,it may be tomorrow2 it may be after as many days as there are leaves in the garden and grains of sand by the river4 ,no matter3 some day ,i shall forget and stumble4 ,,eve4 ,i too4 ,,adam horrified ,oh no1 no4 ,i should be alone4 ,alone for ever4 ,you must never put yourself in danger of stumbling4 ,you must not move about4 ,you must sit still4 ,i will take care of you and bring you what you want4 ,,eve turning away from him with a shrug1 and hugging her ankles ,i should soon get tired of that4 ,besides1 if it happened to you1 ,i should be alone4 ,i could not sit still then4 ,and at last it would happen to me too4 ,,adam4 ,and then8 ,,eve4 ,then we should be no more4 ,there would be only the things on all fours1 and the birds1 and the snakes4 ,,adam4 ,that must not be4 ,,eve4 ,yes3 that must not be4 ,but it might be4 ,,adam4 ,no4 ,i tell you it must not be4 ,i know that it must not be4 ,,eve4 ,we both know it4 ,how do we know it8 ,,adam4 ,there is a voice in the garden that tells me things4 ,,eve4 ,the garden is full of voices sometimes4 ,they put all sorts of thoughts into my head4 ,,adam4 ,to me there is only one voice4 ,it is very low2 but it is so near that it is like a whisper from within myself4 ,there is no mistaking it for any voice of the birds or beasts1 or for your voice4 ,,eve4 ,it is strange that ,i should hear voices from all sides and you only one from within4 ,but ,i have some thoughts that come from within me and not from the voices4 ,the thought that we must not cease to be comes from within4 ,,adam despairingly ,but we shall cease to be4 ,we shall fall like the fawn and be broken4 ,rising and moving about in his agitation4 ,i cannot bear this knowledge4 ,i will not have it4 ,it must not be1 ,i tell you4 ,yet ,i do not know how to prevent it4 ,,eve4 ,that is just what ,i feel2 but it is very strange that you should say so3 there is no pleasing you4 ,you change your mind so often4 ,,adam scolding her ,why do you say that8 ,how have ,i changed my mind8 ,,eve4 ,you say we must not cease to exist4 ,but you used to complain of having to exist always and for ever4 ,you sometimes sit for hours brooding and silent1 hating me in your heart4 ,when ,i ask you what ,i have done to you1 you say you are not thinking of me1 but of the horror of having to be here for ever4 ,but ,i know very well that what you mean is the horror of having to be here with me for ever4 ,,adam4 ,oh6 ,that is what you think1 is it8 ,well1 you are wrong4 ,he sits down again1 sulkily4 ,it is the horror of having to be with myself for ever4 ,i like you2 but ,i do not like myself4 ,i want to be different2 to be better1 to begin again and again2 to shed myself as a snake sheds its skin4 ,i am tired of myself4 ,and yet ,i must endure myself1 not for a day or for many days1 but for ever4 ,that is a dreadful thought4 ,that is what makes me sit brooding and silent and hateful4 ,do you never think of that8 ,,eve4 ,no3 ,i do not think about myself3 what is the use8 ,i am what ,i am3 nothing can alter that4 ,i think about you4 ,,adam4 ,you should not4 ,you are always spying on me4 ,i can never be alone4 ,you always want to know what ,i have been doing4 ,it is a burden4 ,you should try to have an existence of your own1 instead of occupying yourself with my existence4 ,,eve4 ,i have to think about you4 ,you are lazy3 you are dirty3 you neglect yourself3 you are always dreaming3 you would eat bad food and become disgusting if ,i did not watch you and occupy myself with you4 ,and now some day1 in spite of all my care1 you will fall on your head and become dead4 ,,adam4 ,dead8 ,what word is that8 ,,eve pointing to the fawn ,like that4 ,i call it dead4 ,,adam rising and approaching it slowly ,there is something uncanny about it4 ,,eve joining him ,oh6 ,it is changing into little white worms4 ,,adam4 ,throw it into the river4 ,it is unbearable4 ,,eve4 ,i dare not touch it4 ,,adam4 ,then ,i must1 though ,i loathe it4 ,it is poisoning the air4 ,he gathers its hooves in his hand and carries it away in the direction from which ,eve came1 holding it as far from him as possible4 ,eve looks after them for a moment2 then1 with a shiver of disgust1 sits down on the rock1 brooding4 ,the body of the serpent becomes visible1 glowing with wonderful new colors4 ,she rears her head slowly from the bed of ,johnswort1 and speaks into ,eve's ear in a strange seductively musical whisper4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,eve4 ,,eve startled ,who is that8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,it is ,i4 ,i have come to shew you my beautiful new hood4 ,see she spreads a magnificent amethystine hood6 ,,eve admiring it ,oh6 ,but who taught you to speak8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,you and ,adam4 ,i have crept through the grass1 and hidden1 and listened to you4 ,,eve4 ,that was wonderfully clever of you4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i am the most subtle of all the creatures of the field4 ,,eve4 ,your hood is most lovely4 ,she strokes it and pets the serpent4 ,pretty thing6 ,do you love your godmother ,eve8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i adore her4 ,she licks ,eve's neck with her double tongue4 ,,eve petting her ,eve's wonderful darling snake4 ,eve will never be lonely now that her snake can talk to her4 ,,the ,,snake4 ,i can talk of many things4 ,i am very wise4 ,it was ,i who whispered the word to you that you did not know4 ,dead4 ,death4 ,die4 ,,eve shuddering ,why do you remind me of it8 ,i forgot it when ,i saw your beautiful hood4 ,you must not remind me of unhappy things4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,death is not an unhappy thing when you have learnt how to conquer it4 ,,eve4 ,how can ,i conquer it8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,by another thing1 called birth4 ,,eve4 ,what8 ,trying to pronounce it ,b-birth8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,yes1 birth4 ,,eve4 ,what is birth8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,the serpent never dies4 ,some day you shall see me come out of this beautiful skin1 a new snake with a new and lovelier skin4 ,that is birth4 ,,eve4 ,i have seen that4 ,it is wonderful4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,if ,i can do that1 what can ,i not do8 ,i tell you ,i am very subtle4 ,when you and ,adam talk1 ,i hear you say ',why8' ,always ',why8' ,you see things2 and you say ',why8' ,but ,i dream things that never were2 and ,i say ',why not8' ,i made the word dead to describe my old skin that ,i cast when ,i am renewed4 ,i call that renewal being born4 ,,eve4 ,born is a beautiful word4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,why not be born again and again as ,i am1 new and beautiful every time8 ,,eve4 ,i6 ,it does not happen3 that is why4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,that is how2 but it is not why4 ,why not8 ,,eve4 ,but ,i should not like it4 ,it would be nice to be new again2 but my old skin would lie on the ground looking just like me2 and ,adam would see it shrivel up and-- ,,the ,,serpent4 ,no4 ,he need not4 ,there is a second birth4 ,,eve4 ,a second birth8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,listen4 ,i will tell you a great secret4 ,i am very subtle2 and ,i have thought and thought and thought4 ,and ,i am very wilful1 and must have what ,i want2 and ,i have willed and willed and willed4 ,and ,i have eaten strange things3 stones and apples that you are afraid to eat4 ,,eve4 ,you dared6 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i dared everything4 ,and at last ,i found a way of gathering together a part of the life in my body-- ,,eve4 ,what is the life8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,that which makes the difference between the dead fawn and the live one4 ,,eve4 ,what a beautiful word6 ,and what a wonderful thing6 ,life is the loveliest of all the new words4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,yes3 it was by meditating on ,life that ,i gained the power to do miracles4 ,,eve4 ,miracles8 ,another new word4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,a miracle is an impossible thing that is nevertheless possible4 ,something that never could happen1 and yet does happen4 ,,eve4 ,tell me some miracle that you have done4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i gathered a part of the life in my body1 and shut it into a tiny white case made of the stones ,i had eaten4 ,,eve4 ,and what good was that8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i shewed the little case to the sun1 and left it in its warmth4 ,and it burst2 and a little snake came out2 and it became bigger and bigger from day to day until it was as big as ,i4 ,that was the second birth4 ,,eve4 ,oh6 ,that is too wonderful4 ,it stirs inside me4 ,it hurts4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,it nearly tore me asunder4 ,yet ,i am alive1 and can burst my skin and renew myself as before4 ,soon there will be as many snakes in ,eden as there are scales on my body4 ,then death will not matter3 this snake and that snake will die2 but the snakes will live4 ,,eve4 ,but the rest of us will die sooner or later1 like the fawn4 ,and then there will be nothing but snakes1 snakes1 snakes everywhere4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,that must not be4 ,i worship you1 ,eve4 ,i must have something to worship4 ,something quite different to myself1 like you4 ,there must be something greater than the snake4 ,,eve4 ,yes3 it must not be4 ,adam must not perish4 ,you are very subtle3 tell me what to do4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,think4 ,will4 ,eat the dust4 ,lick the white stone3 bite the apple you dread4 ,the sun will give life4 ,,eve4 ,i do not trust the sun4 ,i will give life myself4 ,i will tear4 another ,adam from my body if ,i tear my body to pieces in the act4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,do4 ,dare it4 ,everything is possible3 everything4 ,listen4 ,i am old4 ,i am the old serpent1 older than ,adam1 older than ,eve4 ,i remember ,lilith1 who came before ,adam and ,eve4 ,i was her darling as ,i am yours4 ,she was alone3 there was no man with her4 ,she saw death as you saw it when the fawn fell2 and she knew then that she must find out how to renew herself and cast the skin like me4 ,she had a mighty will3 she strove and strove and willed and willed for more moons than there are leaves on all the trees of the garden4 ,her pangs were terrible3 her groans drove sleep from ,eden4 ,she said it must never be again3 that the burden of renewing life was past bearing3 that it was too much for one4 ,and when she cast the skin1 lo6 there was not one new ,lilith but two3 one like herself1 the other like ,adam4 ,you were the one3 ,adam was the other4 ,,eve4 ,but why did she divide into two1 and make us different8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i tell you the labor is too much for one4 ,two must share it4 ,,eve4 ,do you mean that ,adam must share it with me8 ,he will not4 ,he cannot bear pain1 nor take trouble with his body4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,he need not4 ,there will be no pain for him4 ,he will implore you to let him do his share4 ,he will be in your power through his desire4 ,,eve4 ,then ,i will do it4 ,but how8 ,how did ,lilith work this miracle8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,she imagined it4 ,,eve4 ,what is imagined8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,she told it to me as a marvellous story of something that never happened to a ,lilith that never was4 ,she did not know then that imagination is the beginning of creation4 ,you imagine what you desire2 you will what you imagine2 and at last you create what you will4 ,,eve4 ,how can ,i create out of nothing8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,everything must have been created out of nothing4 ,look at that thick roll of hard flesh on your strong arm6 ,that was not always there3 you could not climb a tree when ,i first saw you4 ,but you willed and tried and willed and tried2 and your will created out of nothing the roll on your arm until you had your desire1 and could draw yourself up with one hand and seat yourself on the bough that was above your head4 ,,eve4 ,that was practice4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,things wear out by practice3 they do not grow by it4 ,your hair streams in the wind as if it were trying to stretch itself further and further4 ,but it does not grow longer for all its practice in streaming1 because you have not willed it so4 ,when ,lilith told me what she had imagined in our silent language 7for there were no words then7 ,i bade her desire it and will it2 and then1 to our great wonder1 the thing she had desired and willed created itself in her under the urging of her will4 ,then ,i too willed to renew myself as two instead of one2 and after many days the miracle happened1 and ,i burst from my skin another snake interlaced with me2 and now there are two imaginations1 two desires1 two wills to create with4 ,,eve4 ,to desire1 to imagine1 to will1 to create4 ,that is too long a story4 ,find me one word for it all3 you1 who are so clever at words4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,in one word1 to conceive4 ,that is the word that means both the beginning in imagination and the end in creation4 ,,eve4 ,find me a word for the story ,lilith imagined and told you in your silent language3 the story that was too wonderful to be true1 and yet came true4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,a poem4 ,,eve4 ,find me another word for what ,lilith was to me4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,she was your mother4 ,,eve4 ,and ,adam's mother8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,yes4 ,,eve about to rise ,i will go and tell ,adam to conceive4 ,,the ,,serpent laughs666 ,,eve jarred and startled ,what a hateful noise6 ,what is the matter with you8 ,no one has ever uttered such a sound before4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,adam cannot conceive4 ,,eve4 ,why8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,lilith did not imagine him so4 ,he can imagine3 he can will3 he can desire3 he can gather his life together for a great spring towards creation3 he can create all things except one2 and that one is his own kind4 ,,eve4 ,why did ,lilith keep this from him8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,because if he could do that he could do without ,eve4 ,,eve4 ,that is true4 ,it is ,i who must conceive4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,yes4 ,by that he is tied to you4 ,,eve4 ,and ,i to him6 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,yes1 until you create another ,adam4 ,,eve4 ,i had not thought of that4 ,you are very subtle4 ,but if ,i create another ,eve he may turn to her and do without me4 ,i will not create any ,eves1 only ,adams4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,they cannot renew themselves without ,eves4 ,sooner or later you will die like the fawn2 and the new ,adams will be unable to create without new ,eves4 ,you can imagine such an end2 but you cannot desire it1 therefore cannot will it1 therefore cannot create ,adams only4 ,,eve4 ,if ,i am to die like the fawn1 why should not the rest die too8 ,what do ,i care8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,life must not cease4 ,that comes before everything4 ,it is silly to say you do not care4 ,you do care4 ,it is that care that will prompt your imagination2 inflame your desires2 make your will irresistible2 and create out of nothing4 ,,eve thoughtfully ,there can be no such thing as nothing4 ,the garden is full1 not empty4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i had not thought of that4 ,that is a great thought4 ,yes3 there is no such thing as nothing1 only things we cannot see4 ,the chameleon eats the air4 ,,eve4 ,i have another thought3 ,i must tell it to ,adam4 ,calling ,adam6 ,adam6 ,coo-ee6 ,,adam',s ,,voice4 ,coo-ee6 ,,eve4 ,this will please him1 and cure his fits of melancholy4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,do not tell him yet4 ,i have not told you the great secret4 ,,eve4 ,what more is there to tell8 ,it is ,i who have to do the miracle4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,no3 he1 too1 must desire and will4 ,but he must give his desire and his will to you4 ,,eve4 ,how8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,that is the great secret4 ,hush6 he is coming4 ,,adam returning ,is there another voice in the garden besides our voices and the ,voice8 ,i heard a new voice4 ,,eve rising and running to him ,only think1 ,adam6 ,our snake has learnt to speak by listening to us4 ,,adam delighted ,is it so8 ,he goes past her to the stone1 and fondles the serpent4 ,,the ,,serpent responding affectionately ,it is so1 dear ,adam4 ,,eve4 ,but ,i have more wonderful news than that4 ,adam3 we need not live for ever4 ,,adam dropping the snake's head in his excitement ,what6 ,eve3 do not play with me about this4 ,if only there may be an end some day1 and yet no end6 ,if only ,i can be relieved of the horror of having to endure myself for ever6 ,if only the care of this terrible garden may pass on to some other gardener6 ,if only the sentinel set by the ,voice can be relieved6 ,if only the rest and sleep that enable me to bear it from day to day could grow after many days into an eternal rest1 an eternal sleep1 then ,i could face my days1 however long they may last4 ,only1 there must be some end1 some end3 ,i am not strong enough to bear eternity4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,you need not live to see another summer2 and yet there shall be no end4 ,,adam4 ,that cannot be4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,it can be4 ,,eve4 ,it shall be4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,it is4 ,kill me2 and you will find another snake in the garden tomorrow4 ,you will find more snakes than there are fingers on your hands4 ,,eve4 ,i will make other ,adams1 other ,eves4 ,,adam4 ,i tell you you must not make up stories about this4 ,it cannot happen4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i can remember when you were yourself a thing that could not happen4 ,yet you are4 ,,adam struck ,that must be true4 ,he sits down on the stone4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i will tell ,eve the secret2 and she will tell it to you4 ,,adam4 ,the secret6 ,he turns quickly towards the serpent1 and in doing so puts his foot on something sharp4 ,oh6 ,,eve4 ,what is it8 ,,adam rubbing his foot ,a thistle4 ,and there1 next to it1 a briar4 ,and nettles1 too6 ,i am tired of pulling these things up to keep the garden pleasant for us for ever4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,they do not grow very fast4 ,they will not overrun the whole garden for a long time3 not until you have laid down your burden and gone to sleep for ever4 ,why should you trouble yourself8 ,let the new ,adams clear a place for themselves4 ,,adam4 ,that is very true4 ,you must tell us your secret4 ,you see1 ,eve1 what a splendid thing it is not to have to live for ever4 ,,eve throwing herself down discontentedly and plucking at the grass ,that is so like a man4 ,the moment you find we need not last for ever1 you talk as if we were going to end today4 ,you must clear away some of those horrid things1 or we shall be scratched and stung whenever we forget to look where we are stepping4 ,,adam4 ,oh yes1 some of them1 of course4 ,but only some4 ,i will clear them away tomorrow4 ,,the ,,serpent laughs666 ,,adam4 ,that is a funny noise to make4 ,i like it4 ,,eve4 ,i do not4 ,why do you make it again8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,adam has invented something new4 ,he has invented tomorrow4 ,you will invent things every day now that the burden of immortality is lifted from you4 ,,eve4 ,immortality8 ,what is that8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,my new word for having to live for ever4 ,,eve4 ,the serpent has made a beautiful word for being4 ,living4 ,,adam4 ,make me a beautiful word for doing things tomorrow2 for that surely is a great and blessed invention4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,procrastination4 ,,eve4 ,that is a sweet word4 ,i wish ,i had a serpent's tongue4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,that may come too4 ,everything is possible4 ,,adam springing up in sudden terror ,oh6 ,,eve4 ,what is the matter now8 ,,adam4 ,my rest6 ,my escape from life6 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,death4 ,that is the word4 ,,adam4 ,there is a terrible danger in this procrastination4 ,,eve4 ,what danger8 ,,adam4 ,if ,i put off death until tomorrow1 ,i shall never die4 ,there is no such day as tomorrow1 and never can be4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i am very subtle2 but ,man is deeper in his thought than ,i am4 ,the woman knows that there is no such thing as nothing3 the man knows that there is no such day as tomorrow4 ,i do well to worship them4 ,,adam4 ,if ,i am to overtake death1 ,i must appoint a real day1 not a tomorrow4 ,when shall ,i die8 ,,eve4 ,you may die when ,i have made another ,adam4 ,not before4 ,but then1 as soon as you like4 ,she rises1 and passing behind him1 strolls off carelessly to the tree and leans against it1 stroking a ring of the snake4 ,,adam4 ,there need be no hurry even then4 ,,eve4 ,i see you will put it off until tomorrow4 ,,adam4 ,and you8 ,will you die the moment you have made a new ,eve8 ,,eve4 ,why should ,i8 ,are you eager to be rid of me8 ,only just now you wanted me to sit still and never move lest ,i should stumble and die like the fawn4 ,now you no longer care4 ,,adam4 ,it does not matter so much now4 ,,eve angrily to the snake ,this death that you have brought into the garden is an evil thing4 ,he wants me to die4 ,,the ,,serpent to ,adam ,do you want her to die8 ,,adam4 ,no4 ,it is ,i who am to die4 ,eve must not die before me4 ,i should be lonely4 ,,eve4 ,you could get one of the new ,eves4 ,,adam4 ,that is true4 ,but they might not be quite the same4 ,they could not3 ,i feel sure of that4 ,they would not have the same memories4 ,they would be--,i want a word for them4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,strangers4 ,,adam4 ,yes3 that is a good hard word4 ,strangers4 ,,eve4 ,when there are new ,adams and new ,eves we shall live in a garden of strangers4 ,we shall need each other4 ,she comes quickly behind him and turns up his face to her4 ,do not forget that1 ,adam4 ,never forget it4 ,,adam4 ,why should ,i forget it8 ,it is ,i who have thought of it4 ,,eve4 ,i1 too1 have thought of something4 ,the fawn stumbled and fell and died4 ,but you could come softly up behind me and she suddenly pounces on his shoulders and throws him forward on his face throw me down so that ,i should die4 ,i should not dare to sleep if there were no reason why you should not make me die4 ,,adam scrambling up in horror ,make you die666 ,what a frightful thought6 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,kill1 kill1 kill1 kill4 ,that is the word4 ,,eve4 ,the new ,adams and ,eves might kill us4 ,i shall not make them4 ,she sits on the rock and pulls him down beside her1 clasping him to her with her right arm4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,you must4 ,for if you do not there will be an end4 ,,adam4 ,no3 they will not kill us3 they will feel as ,i do4 ,there is something against it4 ,the ,voice in the garden will tell them that they must not kill1 as it tells me4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,the voice in the garden is your own voice4 ,,adam4 ,it is2 and it is not4 ,it is something greater than me3 ,i am only a part of it4 ,,eve4 ,the ,voice does not tell me not to kill you4 ,yet ,i do not want you to die before me4 ,no voice is needed to make me feel that4 ,,adam throwing his arm round her shoulder with an expression of anguish ,oh no3 that is plain without any voice4 ,there is something that holds us together1 something that has no word-- ,,the ,,serpent4 ,love4 ,love4 ,love4 ,,adam4 ,that is too short a word for so long a thing4 ,,the ,,serpent laughs666 ,,eve turning impatiently to the snake ,that heart-biting sound again6 ,do not do it4 ,why do you do it8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,love may be too long a word for so short a thing soon4 ,but when it is short it will be very sweet4 ,,adam ruminating ,you puzzle me4 ,my old trouble was heavy2 but it was simple4 ,these wonders that you promise to do may tangle up my being before they bring me the gift of death4 ,i was troubled with the burden of eternal being2 but ,i was not confused in my mind4 ,if ,i did not know that ,i loved ,eve1 at least ,i did not know that she might cease to love me1 and come to love some other ,adam and desire my death4 ,can you find a name for that knowledge8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,jealousy4 ,jealousy4 ,jealousy4 ,,adam4 ,a hideous word4 ,,eve shaking him ,adam3 you must not brood4 ,you think too much4 ,,adam angrily ,how can ,i help brooding when the future has become uncertain8 ,anything is better than uncertainty4 ,life has become uncertain4 ,love is uncertain4 ,have you a word for this new misery8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,fear4 ,fear4 ,fear4 ,,adam4 ,have you a remedy for it8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,yes4 ,hope4 ,hope4 ,hope4 ,,adam4 ,what is hope8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,as long as you do not know the future you do not know that it will not be happier than the past4 ,that is hope4 ,,adam4 ,it does not console me4 ,fear is stronger in me than hope4 ,i must have certainty4 ,he rises threateningly4 ,give it to me2 or ,i will kill you when next ,i catch you asleep4 ,,eve throwing her arms round the serpent ,my beautiful snake4 ,oh no4 ,how can you even think such a horror8 ,,adam4 ,fear will drive me to anything4 ,the serpent gave me fear4 ,let it now give me certainty or go in fear of me4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,bind the future by your will4 ,make a vow4 ,,adam4 ,what is a vow8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,choose a day for your death2 and resolve to die on that day4 ,then death is no longer uncertain but certain4 ,let ,eve vow to love you until your death4 ,then love will be no longer uncertain4 ,,adam4 ,yes3 that is splendid3 that will bind the future4 ,,eve displeased1 turning away from the serpent ,but it will destroy hope4 ,,adam angrily ,be silent1 woman4 ,hope is wicked4 ,happiness is wicked4 ,certainty is blessed4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,what is wicked8 ,you have invented a word4 ,,adam4 ,whatever ,i fear to do is wicked4 ,listen to me1 ,eve2 and you1 snake1 listen too1 that your memory may hold my vow4 ,i will live a thousand sets of the four seasons-- ,,the ,,serpent4 ,years4 ,years4 ,,adam4 ,i will live a thousand years2 and then ,i will endure no more3 ,i will die and take my rest4 ,and ,i will love ,eve all that time and no other woman4 ,,eve4 ,and if ,adam keeps his vow ,i will love no other man until he dies4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,you have both invented marriage4 ,and what he will be to you and not to any other woman is husband2 and what you will be to him and not to any other man is wife4 ,,adam instinctively moving his hand towards her ,husband and wife4 ,,eve slipping her hand into his ,wife and husband4 ,,the ,,serpent laughs666 ,,eve snatching herself loose from ,adam ,do not make that odious noise1 ,i tell you4 ,,adam4 ,do not listen to her3 the noise is good3 it lightens my heart4 ,you are a jolly snake4 ,but you have not made a vow yet4 ,what vow do you make8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i make no vows4 ,i take my chance4 ,,adam4 ,chance8 ,what does that mean8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,it means that ,i fear certainty as you fear uncertainty4 ,it means that nothing is certain but uncertainty4 ,if ,i bind the future ,i bind my will4 ,if ,i bind my will ,i strangle creation4 ,,eve4 ,creation must not be strangled4 ,i tell you ,i will create1 though ,i tear myself to pieces in the act4 ,,adam4 ,be silent1 both of you4 ,i will bind the future4 ,i will be delivered from fear4 ,to ,eve ,we have made our vows2 and if you must create1 you shall create within the bounds of those vows4 ,you shall not listen to that snake any more4 ,come he seizes her by the hair to drag her away4 ,,eve4 ,let me go1 you fool4 ,it has not yet told me the secret4 ,,adam releasing her ,that is true4 ,what is a fool8 ,,eve4 ,i do not know3 the word came to me4 ,it is what you are when you forget and brood and are filled with fear4 ,let us listen to the snake4 ,,adam4 ,no3 ,i am afraid of it4 ,i feel as if the ground were giving way under my feet when it speaks4 ,do you stay and listen to it4 ,,the ,,serpent laughs666 ,,adam brightening ,that noise takes away fear4 ,funny4 ,the snake and the woman are going to whisper secrets4 ,he chuckles and goes away slowly1 laughing his first laugh4 ,,eve4 ,now the secret4 ,the secret4 ,she sits on the rock and throws her arms round the serpent1 who begins whispering to her4 ,eve's face lights up with intense interest1 which increases until an expression of overwhelming repugnance takes its place4 ,she buries her face in her hands4 ,,act ,,ii ,a few centuries later4 ,morning4 ,an oasis in ,mesopotamia4 ,close at hand the end of a log house abuts on a kitchen garden4 ,adam is digging in the middle of the garden4 ,on his right1 ,eve sits on a stool in the shadow of a tree by the doorway1 spinning flax4 ,her wheel1 which she turns by hand1 is a large disc of heavy wood1 practically a flywheel4 ,at the opposite side of the garden is a thorn brake with a passage through it barred by a hurdle4 ,the two are scantily and carelessly dressed in rough linen and leaves4 ,they have lost their youth and grace2 and ,adam has an unkempt beard and jaggedly cut hair2 but they are strong and in the prime of life4 ,adam looks worried1 like a farmer4 ,eve1 better humored 7having given up worrying71 sits and spins and thinks4 ,a ,,man',s ,,voice4 ,hallo1 mother6 ,,eve looking across the garden towards the hurdle ,here is ,cain4 ,,adam uttering a grunt of disgust666 ,he goes on digging without raising his head4 ,cain kicks the hurdle out of his way1 and strides into the garden4 ,in pose1 voice1 and dress he is insistently warlike4 ,he is equipped with huge spear and broad brass-bound leather shield2 his casque is a tiger's head with bull's horns2 he wears a scarlet cloak with gold brooch over a lion's skin with the claws dangling2 his feet are in sandals with brass ornaments2 his shins are in brass greaves2 and his bristling military moustache glistens with oil4 ,to his parents he has the self-assertive1 not-quite-at-ease manner of a revolted son who knows that he is not forgiven nor approved of4 ,,cain to ,adam ,still digging8 ,always dig1 dig1 dig4 ,sticking in the old furrow4 ,no progress6 no advanced ideas6 no adventures6 ,what should ,i be if ,i had stuck to the digging you taught me8 ,,adam4 ,what are you now1 with your shield and spear1 and your brother's blood crying from the ground against you8 ,,cain4 ,i am the first murderer3 you are only the first man4 ,anybody could be the first man3 it is as easy as to be the first cabbage4 ,to be the first murderer one must be a man of spirit4 ,,adam4 ,begone4 ,leave us in peace4 ,the world is wide enough to keep us apart4 ,,eve4 ,why do you want to drive him away8 ,he is mine4 ,i made him out of my own body4 ,i want to see my work sometimes4 ,,adam4 ,you made ,abel also4 ,he killed ,abel4 ,can you bear to look at him after that8 ,,cain4 ,whose fault was it that ,i killed ,abel8 ,who invented killing8 ,did ,i8 ,no3 he invented it himself4 ,i followed your teaching4 ,i dug and dug and dug4 ,i cleared away the thistles and briars4 ,i ate the fruits of the earth4 ,i lived in the sweat of my brow1 as you do4 ,i was a fool4 ,but ,abel was a discoverer1 a man of ideas1 of spirit3 a true ,progressive4 ,he was the discoverer of blood4 ,he was the inventor of killing4 ,he found out that the fire of the sun could be brought down by a dewdrop4 ,he invented the altar to keep the fire alive4 ,he changed the beasts he killed into meat by the fire on the altar4 ,he kept himself alive by eating meat4 ,his meal cost him a day's glorious health-giving sport and an hour's amusing play with the fire4 ,you learnt nothing from him3 you drudged and drudged and drudged1 and dug and dug and dug1 and made me do the same4 ,i envied his happiness1 his freedom4 ,i despised myself for not doing as he did instead of what you did4 ,he became so happy that he shared his meal with the ,voice that had whispered all his inventions to him4 ,he said that the ,voice was the voice of the fire that cooked his food1 and that the fire that could cook could also eat4 ,it was true3 ,i saw the fire consume the food on his altar4 ,then ,i1 too1 made an altar1 and offered my food on it1 my grains1 my roots1 my fruit4 ,useless3 nothing happened4 ,he laughed at me2 and then came my great idea3 why not kill him as he killed the beasts8 ,i struck2 and he died1 just as they did4 ,then ,i gave up your old silly drudging ways1 and lived as he had lived1 by the chase1 by the killing1 and by the fire4 ,am ,i not better than you8 stronger1 happier1 freer8 ,,adam4 ,you are not stronger3 you are shorter in the wind3 you cannot endure4 ,you have made the beasts afraid of us2 and the snake has invented poison to protect herself against you4 ,i fear you myself4 ,if you take a step towards your mother with that spear of yours ,i will strike you with my spade as you struck ,abel4 ,,eve4 ,he will not strike me4 ,he loves me4 ,,adam4 ,he loved his brother4 ,but he killed him4 ,,cain4 ,i do not want to kill women4 ,i do not want to kill my mother4 ,and for her sake ,i will not kill you1 though ,i could send this spear through you without coming within reach of your spade4 ,but for her1 ,i could not resist the sport of trying to kill you1 in spite of my fear that you would kill me4 ,i have striven with a boar and with a lion as to which of us should kill the other4 ,i have striven with a man3 spear to spear and shield to shield4 ,it is terrible2 but there is no joy like it4 ,i call it fighting4 ,he who has never fought has never lived4 ,that is what has brought me to my mother today4 ,,adam4 ,what have you to do with one another now8 ,she is the creator1 you the destroyer4 ,,cain4 ,how can ,i destroy unless she creates8 ,i want her to create more and more men3 aye1 and more and more women1 that they may in turn create more men4 ,i have imagined a glorious poem of many men1 of more men than there are leaves on a thousand trees4 ,i will divide them into two great hosts4 ,one of them ,i will lead2 and the other will be led by the man ,i fear most and desire to fight and kill most4 ,and each host shall try to kill the other host4 ,think of that6 all those multitudes of men fighting1 fighting1 killing1 killing6 ,the four rivers running with blood6 ,the shouts of triumph6 the howls of rage6 the curses of despair6 the shrieks of torment6 ,that will be life indeed3 life lived to the very marrow3 burning1 overwhelming life4 ,every man who has not seen it1 heard it1 felt it1 risked it1 will feel a humbled fool in the presence of the man who has4 ,,eve4 ,and ,i6 ,i am to be a mere convenience to make men for you to kill6 ,,adam4 ,or to kill you1 you fool4 ,,cain4 ,mother3 the making of men is your right1 your risk1 your agony1 your glory1 your triumph4 ,you make my father here your mere convenience1 as you call it1 for that4 ,he has to dig for you1 sweat for you1 plod for you1 like the ox who helps him to tear up the ground or the ass who carries his burdens for him4 ,no woman shall make me live my father's life4 ,i will hunt3 ,i will fight and strive to the very bursting of my sinews4 ,when ,i have slain the boar at the risk of my life1 ,i will throw it to my woman to cook1 and give her a morsel of it for her pains4 ,she shall have no other food2 and that will make her my slave4 ,and the man that slays me shall have her for his booty4 ,man shall be the master of ,woman1 not her baby and her drudge4 ,adam throws down his spade1 and stands looking darkly at ,eve4 ,,eve4 ,are you tempted1 ,adam8 ,does this seem a better thing to you than love between us8 ,,cain4 ,what does he know of love8 ,only when he has fought1 when he has faced terror and death1 when he has striven to the spending of the last rally of his strength1 can he know what it is to rest in love in the arms of a woman4 ,ask that woman whom you made1 who is also my wife1 whether she would have me as ,i was in the days when ,i followed the ways of ,adam1 and was a digger and a drudge8 ,,eve angrily throwing down her distaff ,what6 ,you dare come here boasting about that good-for-nothing ,lua1 the worst of daughters and the worst of wives6 ,you her master6 ,you are more her slave than ,adam's ox or your own sheepdog4 ,forsooth1 when you have slain the boar at the risk of your life1 you will throw her a morsel of it for her pains6 ,ha6 ,poor wretch3 do you think ,i do not know her1 and know you1 better than that8 ,do you risk your life when you trap the ermine and the sable and the blue fox to hang on her lazy shoulders and make her look more like an animal than a woman8 ,when you have to snare the little tender birds because it is too much trouble for her to chew honest food1 how much of a great warrior do you feel then8 ,you slay the tiger at the risk of your life2 but who gets the striped skin you have run that risk for8 ,she takes it to lie on1 and flings you the carrion flesh you cannot eat4 ,you fight because you think that your fighting makes her admire and desire you4 ,fool3 she makes you fight because you bring her the ornaments and the treasures of those you have slain1 and because she is courted and propitiated with power and gold by the people who fear you4 ,you say that ,i make a mere convenience of ,adam3 ,i who spin and keep the house1 and bear and rear children1 and am a woman and not a pet animal to please men and prey on them6 ,what are you1 you poor slave of a painted face and a bundle of skunk's fur8 ,you were a man-child when ,i bore you4 ,lua was a woman-child when ,i bore her4 ,what have you made of yourselves8 ,,cain letting his spear fall into the crook of his shield arm1 and twirling his moustache ,there is something higher than man4 ,there is hero and superman4 ,,eve4 ,superman6 ,you are no superman3 you are ,anti-,man3 you are to other men what the stoat is to the rabbit2 and she is to you what the leech is to the stoat4 ,you despise your father2 but when he dies the world will be the richer because he lived4 ,when you die1 men will say1 ',he was a great warrior2 but it would have been better for the world if he had never been born4' ,and of ,lua they will say nothing2 but when they think of her they will spit4 ,,cain4 ,she is a better sort of woman to live with than you4 ,if ,lua nagged at me as you are nagging1 and as you nag at ,adam1 ,i would beat her black and blue from head to foot4 ,i have done it too1 slave as you say ,i am4 ,,eve4 ,yes1 because she looked at another man4 ,and then you grovelled at her feet1 and cried1 and begged her to forgive you1 and were ten times more her slave than ever2 and she1 when she had finished screaming and the pain went off a little1 she forgave you1 did she not8 ,,cain4 ,she loved me more than ever4 ,that is the true nature of woman4 ,,eve now pitying him maternally ,love6 ,you call that love6 ,you call that the nature of woman6 ,my boy3 this is neither man nor woman nor love nor life4 ,you have no real strength in your bones nor sap in your flesh4 ,,cain4 ,ha6 he seizes his spear and swings it muscularly4 ,,eve4 ,yes3 you have to twirl a stick to feel your strength3 you cannot taste life without making it bitter and boiling hot3 you cannot love ,lua until her face is painted1 nor feel the natural warmth of her flesh until you have stuck a squirrel's fur on it4 ,you can feel nothing but a torment1 and believe nothing but a lie4 ,you will not raise your head to look at all the miracles of life that surround you2 but you will run ten miles to see a fight or a death4 ,,adam4 ,enough said4 ,let the boy alone4 ,,cain4 ,boy6 ,ha6 ha6 ,,eve to ,adam ,you think1 perhaps1 that his way of life may be better than yours after all4 ,you are still tempted4 ,well1 will you pamper me as he pampers his woman8 ,will you kill tigers and bears until ,i have a heap of their skins to lounge on8 ,shall ,i paint my face and let my arms waste into pretty softness1 and eat partridges and doves1 and the flesh of kids whose milk you will steal for me8 ,,adam4 ,you are hard enough to bear with as you are4 ,stay as you are2 and ,i will stay as ,i am4 ,,cain4 ,you neither of you know anything about life4 ,you are simple country folk4 ,you are the nurses and valets of the oxen and dogs and asses you have tamed to work for you4 ,i can raise you out of that4 ,i have a plan4 ,why not tame men and women to work for us8 ,why not bring them up from childhood never to know any other lot1 so that they may believe that we are gods1 and that they are here only to make life glorious for us8 ,,adam impressed ,that is a great thought1 certainly4 ,,eve contemptuously ,great thought6 ,,adam4 ,well1 as the serpent used to say1 why not8 ,,eve4 ,because ,i would not have such wretches in my house4 ,because ,i hate creatures with two heads1 or with withered limbs1 or that are distorted and perverted and unnatural4 ,i have told ,cain already that he is not a man and that ,lua is not a woman3 they are monsters4 ,and now you want to make still more unnatural monsters1 so that you may be utterly lazy and worthless1 and that your tamed human animals may find work a blasting curse4 ,a fine dream1 truly6 ,to ,cain ,your father is a fool skin deep2 but you are a fool to your very marrow2 and your baggage of a wife is worse4 ,,adam4 ,why am ,i a fool8 ,how am ,i a greater fool than you8 ,,eve4 ,you said there would be no killing because the ,voice would tell our children that they must not kill4 ,why did it not tell ,cain that8 ,,cain4 ,it did2 but ,i am not a child to be afraid of a ,voice4 ,the ,voice thought ,i was nothing but my brother's keeper4 ,it found that ,i was myself1 and that it was for ,abel to be himself also1 and look to himself4 ,he was not my keeper any more than ,i was his3 why did he not kill me8 ,there was no more to prevent him than there was to prevent me3 it was man to man2 and ,i won4 ,i was the first conqueror4 ,,adam4 ,what did the ,voice say to you when you thought all that8 ,,cain4 ,why1 it gave me right4 ,it said that my deed was as a mark on me1 a burnt-in mark such as ,abel put on his sheep1 that no man should slay me4 ,and here ,i stand unslain1 whilst the cowards who have never slain1 the men who are content to be their brothers' keepers instead of their masters1 are despised and rejected1 and slain like rabbits4 ,he who bears the brand of ,cain shall rule the earth4 ,when he falls1 he shall be avenged sevenfold3 the ,voice has said it2 so beware how you plot against me1 you and all the rest4 ,,adam4 ,cease your boasting and bullying1 and tell the truth4 ,does not the ,voice tell you that as no man dare slay you for murdering your brother1 you ought to slay yourself8 ,,cain4 ,no4 ,,adam4 ,then there is no such thing as divine justice1 unless you are lying4 ,,cain4 ,i am not lying3 ,i dare all truths4 ,there is divine justice4 ,for the ,voice tells me that ,i must offer myself to every man to be killed if he can kill me4 ,without danger ,i cannot be great4 ,that is how ,i pay for ,abel's blood4 ,danger and fear follow my steps everywhere4 ,without them courage would have no sense4 ,and it is courage1 courage1 courage1 that raises the blood of life to crimson splendor4 ,,adam picking up his spade and preparing to dig again ,take yourself off then4 ,this splendid life of yours does not last for a thousand years2 and ,i must last for a thousand years4 ,when you fighters do not get killed in fighting one another or fighting the beasts1 you die from mere evil in yourselves4 ,your flesh ceases to grow like man's flesh3 it grows like a fungus on a tree4 ,instead of breathing you sneeze1 or cough up your insides1 and wither and perish4 ,your bowels become rotten2 your hair falls from you2 your teeth blacken and drop out2 and you die before your time1 not because you will1 but because you must4 ,i will dig1 and live4 ,,cain4 ,and pray1 what use is this thousand years of life to you1 you old vegetable8 ,do you dig any better because you have been digging for hundreds of years8 ,i have not lived as long as you2 but ,i know all there is to be known of the craft of digging4 ,by quitting it ,i have set myself free to learn nobler crafts of which you know nothing4 ,i know the craft of fighting and of hunting3 in a word1 the craft of killing4 ,what certainty have you of your thousand years8 ,i could kill both of you2 and you could no more defend yourselves than a couple of sheep4 ,i spare you2 but others may kill you4 ,why not live bravely1 and die early and make room for others8 ,why1 ,i--,i6 that know many more crafts than either of you1 am tired of myself when ,i am not fighting or hunting4 ,sooner than face a thousand years of it ,i should kill myself1 as the ,voice sometimes tempts me to do already4 ,,adam4 ,liar3 you denied just now that it called on you to pay for ,abel's life with your own4 ,,cain4 ,the ,voice does not speak to me as it does to you4 ,i am a man3 you are only a grown-up child4 ,one does not speak to a child as to a man4 ,and a man does not listen and tremble in silence4 ,he replies3 he makes the ,voice respect him3 in the end he dictates what the ,voice shall say4 ,,adam4 ,may your tongue be accurst for such blasphemy6 ,,eve4 ,keep a guard on your own tongue2 and do not curse my son4 ,it was ,lilith who did wrong when she shared the labor of creation so unequally between man and wife4 ,if you1 ,cain1 had had the trouble of making ,abel1 or had had to make another man to replace him when he was gone1 you would not have killed him3 you would have risked your own life to save his4 ,that is why all this empty talk of yours1 which tempted ,adam just now when he threw down his spade and listened to you for a while1 went by me like foul wind that has passed over a dead body4 ,that is why there is enmity between ,woman the creator and ,man the destroyer4 ,i know you3 ,i am your mother4 ,you are idle3 you are selfish4 ,it is long and hard and painful to create life3 it is short and easy to steal the life others have made4 ,when you dug1 you made the earth live and bring forth as ,i live and bring forth4 ,it was for that that ,lilith set you free from the travail of women1 not for theft and murder4 ,,cain4 ,the ,devil thank her for it6 ,i can make better use of my time than to play the husband to the clay beneath my feet4 ,,adam4 ,devil8 ,what new word is that8 ,,cain4 ,hearken to me1 old fool4 ,i have never in my soul listened willingly when you have told me of the ,voice that whispers to you4 ,there must be two ,voices3 one that gulls and despises you1 and another that trusts and respects me4 ,i call yours the ,devil4 ,mine ,i call the ,voice of ,god4 ,,adam4 ,mine is the ,voice of ,life3 yours the ,voice of ,death4 ,,cain4 ,be it so4 ,for it whispers to me that death is not really death3 that it is the gate of another life3 a life infinitely splendid and intense3 a life of the soul alone3 a life without clods or spades1 hunger or fatigue-- ,,eve4 ,selfish and idle1 ,cain4 ,i know4 ,,cain4 ,selfish1 yes3 a life in which no man is his brother's keeper1 because his brother can keep himself4 ,but am ,i idle8 ,in rejecting your drudgery1 have ,i not embraced evils and agonies of which you know nothing8 ,the arrow is lighter in the hand than the spade2 but the energy that drives it through the breast of a fighter is as fire to water compared with the strength that drives the spade into the harmless dirty clay4 ,my strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure4 ,,adam4 ,what is that word8 ,what is pure8 ,,cain4 ,turned from the clay4 ,turned upward to the sun1 to the clear clean heavens4 ,,adam4 ,the heavens are empty1 child4 ,the earth is fruitful4 ,the earth feeds us4 ,it gives us the strength by which we made you and all mankind4 ,cut off from the clay which you despise1 you would perish miserably4 ,,cain4 ,i revolt against the clay4 ,i revolt against the food4 ,you say it gives us strength3 does it not also turn into filth and smite us with diseases8 ,i revolt against these births that you and mother are so proud of4 ,they drag us down to the level of the beasts4 ,if that is to be the last thing as it has been the first1 let mankind perish4 ,if ,i am to eat like a bear1 if ,lua is to bring forth cubs like a bear1 then ,i had rather be a bear than a man2 for the bear is not ashamed3 he knows no better4 ,if you are content1 like the bear1 ,i am not4 ,stay with the woman who gives you children3 ,i will go to the woman who gives me dreams4 ,grope in the ground for your food3 ,i will bring it from the skies with my arrows1 or strike it down as it roams the earth in the pride of its life4 ,if ,i must have food or die1 ,i will at least have it at as far a remove from the earth as ,i can4 ,the ox shall make it something nobler than grass before it comes to me4 ,and as the man is nobler than the ox1 ,i shall some day let my enemy eat the ox2 and then ,i will slay and eat him4 ,,adam4 ,monster6 ,you hear this1 ,eve8 ,,eve4 ,so that is what comes of turning your face to the clean clear heavens6 ,man-eating6 ,child-eating6 ,for that is what it would come to1 just as it came to lambs and kids when ,abel began with sheep and goats4 ,you are a poor silly creature after all4 ,do you think ,i never have these thoughts3 ,i6 who have the labor of the child-bearing3 ,i6 who have the drudgery of preparing the food8 ,i thought for a moment that perhaps this strong brave son of mine1 who could imagine something better1 and could desire what he imagined1 might also be able to will what he desired until he created it4 ,and all that comes of it is that he wants to be a bear and eat children4 ,even a bear would not eat a man if it could get honey instead4 ,,cain4 ,i do not want to be a bear4 ,i do not want to eat children4 ,i do not know what ,i want1 except that ,i want to be something higher and nobler than this stupid old digger whom ,lilith made to help you to bring me into the world1 and whom you despise now that he has served your turn4 ,,adam in sullen rage ,i have half a mind to shew you that my spade can split your undutiful head open1 in spite of your spear4 ,,cain4 ,undutiful6 ,ha6 ha6 ,flourishing his spear ,try it1 old everybody's father4 ,try a taste of fighting4 ,,eve4 ,peace1 peace1 you two fools4 ,sit down and be quiet2 and listen to me4 ,adam1 with a weary shrug1 throws down his spade4 ,cain1 with a laughing one1 throws down his shield and spear4 ,both sit on the ground4 ,i hardly know which of you satisfies me least1 you with your dirty digging1 or he with his dirty killing4 ,i cannot think it was for either of these cheap ways of life that ,lilith set you free4 ,to ,adam ,you dig roots and coax grains out of the earth3 why do you not draw down a divine sustenance from the skies8 ,he steals and kills for his food2 and makes up idle poems of life after death2 and dresses up his terror-ridden life with fine words and his disease-ridden body with fine clothes1 so that men may glorify and honor him instead of cursing him as murderer and thief4 ,all you men1 except only ,adam1 are my sons1 or my sons' sons1 or my sons' sons' sons3 you all come to see me3 you all shew off before me3 all your little wisdoms and accomplishments are trotted out before mother ,eve4 ,the diggers come3 the fighters and killers come3 they are both very dull2 for they either complain to me of the last harvest1 or boast to me of the last fight2 and one harvest is just like another1 and the last fight only a repetition of the first4 ,oh1 ,i have heard it all a thousand times4 ,they tell me too of their last-born3 the clever thing the darling child said yesterday1 and how much more wonderful or witty or quaint it is than any child that ever was born before4 ,and ,i have to pretend to be surprised1 delighted1 interested2 though the last child is like the first1 and has said and done nothing that did not delight ,adam and me when you and ,abel said it4 ,for you were the first children in the world1 and filled us with such wonder and delight as no couple can ever again feel while the world lasts4 ,when ,i can bear no more1 ,i go to our old garden1 that is now a mass of nettles and thistles1 in the hope of finding the serpent to talk to4 ,but you have made the serpent our enemy3 she has left the garden1 or is dead3 ,i never see her now4 ,so ,i have to come back and listen to ,adam saying the same thing for the ten-thousandth time1 or to receive a visit from the last great-great-grandson who has grown up and wants to impress me with his importance4 ,oh1 it is dreary1 dreary6 ,and there is yet nearly seven hundred years of it to endure4 ,,cain4 ,poor mother6 ,you see1 life is too long4 ,one tires of everything4 ,there is nothing new under the sun4 ,,adam to ,eve1 grumpily ,why do you live on1 if you can find nothing better to do than complain8 ,,eve4 ,because there is still hope4 ,,cain4 ,of what8 ,,eve4 ,of the coming true of your dreams and mine4 ,of newly created things4 ,of better things4 ,my sons and my son's sons are not all diggers and fighters4 ,some of them will neither dig nor fight3 they are more useless than either of you3 they are weaklings and cowards3 they are vain2 yet they are dirty and will not take the trouble to cut their hair4 ,they borrow and never pay2 but one gives them what they want1 because they tell beautiful lies in beautiful words4 ,they can remember their dreams4 ,they can dream without sleeping4 ,they have not will enough to create instead of dreaming2 but the serpent said that every dream could be willed into creation by those strong enough to believe in it4 ,there are others who cut reeds of different lengths and blow through them1 making lovely patterns of sound in the air2 and some of them can weave the patterns together1 sounding three reeds at the same time1 and raising my soul to things for which ,i have no words4 ,and others make little mammoths out of clay1 or make faces appear on flat stones1 and ask me to create women for them with such faces4 ,i have watched those faces and willed2 and then ,i have made a woman-child that has grown up quite like them4 ,and others think of numbers without having to count on their fingers1 and watch the sky at night1 and give names to the stars1 and can foretell when the sun will be covered with a black saucepan lid4 ,and there is ,tubal1 who made this wheel for me which has saved me so much labor4 ,and there is ,enoch1 who walks on the hills1 and hears the ,voice continually1 and has given up his will to do the will of the ,voice1 and has some of the ,voice's greatness4 ,when they come1 there is always some new wonder1 or some new hope3 something to live for4 ,they never want to die1 because they are always learning and always creating either things or wisdom1 or at least dreaming of them4 ,and then you1 ,cain1 come to me with your stupid fighting and destroying1 and your foolish boasting2 and you want me to tell you that it is all splendid1 and that you are heroic1 and that nothing but death or the dread of death makes life worth living4 ,away with you1 naughty child2 and do you1 ,adam1 go on with your work and not waste your time listening to him4 ,,cain4 ,i am not1 perhaps1 very clever2 but-- ,,eve interrupting him ,perhaps not2 but do not begin to boast of that4 ,it is no credit to you4 ,,cain4 ,for all that1 mother1 ,i have an instinct which tells me that death plays its part in life4 ,tell me this3 who invented death8 ,adam springs to his feet4 ,eve drops her distaff4 ,both shew the greatest consternation4 ,,cain4 ,what is the matter with you both8 ,,adam4 ,boy3 you have asked us a terrible question4 ,,eve4 ,you invented murder4 ,let that be enough for you4 ,,cain4 ,murder is not death4 ,you know what ,i mean4 ,those whom ,i slay would die if ,i spared them4 ,if ,i am not slain1 yet ,i shall die4 ,who put this upon me8 ,i say1 who invented death8 ,,adam4 ,be reasonable1 boy4 ,could you bear to live for ever8 ,you think you could1 because you know that you will never have to make your thought good4 ,but ,i have known what it is to sit and brood under the terror of eternity1 of immortality4 ,think of it1 man3 to have no escape6 to be ,adam1 ,adam1 ,adam through more days than there are grains of sand by the two rivers1 and then be as far from the end as ever6 ,i1 who have so much in me that ,i hate and long to cast off6 ,be thankful to your parents1 who enabled you to hand on your burden to new and better men1 and won for you an eternal rest2 for it was we who invented death4 ,,cain rising ,you did well3 ,i1 too1 do not want to live for ever4 ,but if you invented death1 why do you blame me1 who am a minister of death8 ,,adam4 ,i do not blame you4 ,go in peace4 ,leave me to my digging1 and your mother to her spinning4 ,,cain4 ,well1 ,i will leave you to it1 though ,i have shewn you a better way4 ,he picks up his shield and spear4 ,i will go back to my brave warrior friends and their splendid women4 ,he strides to the thorn brake4 ,when ,adam delved and ,eve span1 where was then the gentleman8 ,he goes away roaring with laughter1 which ceases as he cries from the distance ,goodbye1 mother4 ,,adam grumbling ,he might have put the hurdle back1 lazy hound6 ,he replaces the hurdle across the passage4 ,,eve4 ,through him and his like1 death is gaining on life4 ,already most of our grandchildren die before they have sense enough to know how to live4 ,,adam4 ,no matter4 ,he spits on his hands1 and takes up the spade again4 ,life is still long enough to learn to dig1 short as they are making it4 ,,eve musing ,yes1 to dig4 ,and to fight4 ,but is it long enough for the other things1 the great things8 ,will they live long enough to eat manna8 ,,adam4 ,what is manna8 ,,eve4 ,food drawn down from heaven1 made out of the air1 not dug dirtily from the earth4 ,will they learn all the ways of all the stars in their little time8 ,it took ,enoch two hundred years to learn to interpret the will of the ,voice4 ,when he was a mere child of eighty1 his babyish attempts to understand the ,voice were more dangerous than the wrath of ,cain4 ,if they shorten their lives1 they will dig and fight and kill and die2 and their baby ,enochs will tell them that it is the will of the ,voice that they should dig and fight and kill and die for ever4 ,,adam4 ,if they are lazy and have a will towards death ,i cannot help it4 ,i will live my thousand years3 if they will not1 let them die and be damned4 ,,eve4 ,damned8 ,what is that8 ,,adam4 ,the state of them that love death more than life4 ,go on with your spinning2 and do not sit there idle while ,i am straining my muscles for you4 ,,eve slowly taking up her distaff ,if you were not a fool you would find something better for both of us to live by than this spinning and digging4 ,,adam4 ,go on with your work1 ,i tell you2 or you shall go without bread4 ,,eve4 ,man need not always live by bread alone4 ,there is something else4 ,we do not yet know what it is2 but some day we shall find out2 and then we will live on that alone2 and there shall be no more digging nor spinning1 nor fighting nor killing4 ,she spins resignedly2 he digs impatiently4 ,,part ,,ii ,the ,gospel of the ,brothers ,barnabas ,in the first years after the war an impressive-looking gentleman of #ej is seated writing in a well-furnished spacious study4 ,he is dressed in black4 ,his coat is a frock-coat2 his tie is white2 and his waistcoat1 though it is not quite a clergyman's waistcoat1 and his collar1 though it buttons in front instead of behind1 combine with the prosperity indicated by his surroundings1 and his air of personal distinction1 to suggest the clerical dignitary4 ,still1 he is clearly neither dean nor bishop2 he is rather too starkly intellectual for a popular ,free ,church enthusiast2 and he is not careworn enough to be a great headmaster4 ,the study windows1 which have broad comfortable window seats1 overlook ,hampstead ,heath towards ,london4 ,consequently1 it being a fine afternoon in spring1 the room is sunny4 ,as you face these windows1 you have on your right the fireplace1 with a few logs smouldering in it1 and a couple of comfortable library chairs on the hearthrug2 beyond it and beside it the door2 before you the writing-table1 at which the clerical gentleman sits a little to your left facing the door with his right profile presented to you2 on your left a settee2 and on your right a couple of ,chippendale chairs4 ,there is also an upholstered square stool in the middle of the room1 against the writing-table4 ,the walls are covered with bookshelves above and lockers beneath4 ,the door opens2 and another gentleman1 shorter than the clerical one1 within a year or two of the same age1 dressed in a well-worn tweed lounge suit1 with a short beard and much less style in his bearing and carriage1 looks in4 ,,the ,,clerical ,,gentleman familiar and by no means cordial ,hallo6 ,i didn't expect you until the five o'clock train4 ,,the ,,tweeded ,,gentleman coming in very slowly ,i have something on my mind4 ,i thought ,i'd come early4 ,,the ,,clerical ,,gentleman throwing down his pen ,what is on your mind8 ,,the ,,tweeded ,,gentleman sitting down on the stool1 heavily preoccupied with his thought ,i have made up my mind at last about the time4 ,i make it three hundred years4 ,,the ,,clerical ,,gentleman sitting up energetically ,now that is extraordinary4 ,most extraordinary4 ,the very last words ,i wrote when you interrupted me were 'at least three centuries4' ,he snatches up his manuscript1 and points to it4 ,here it is3 reading 'the term of human life must be extended to at least three centuries4' ,,the ,,tweeded ,,gentleman4 ,how did you arrive at it8 ,a parlor maid opens the door1 ushering in a young clergyman4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,mr ,haslam4 ,she withdraws4 ,the visitor is so very unwelcome that his host forgets to rise2 and the two brothers stare at the intruder1 quite unable to conceal their dismay4 ,haslam1 who has nothing clerical about him except his collar1 and wears a snuff-colored suit1 smiles with a frank school-boyishness that makes it impossible to be unkind to him1 and explodes into obviously unpremeditated speech4 ,,haslam4 ,i'm afraid ,i'm an awful nuisance4 ,i'm the rector2 and ,i suppose one ought to call on people4 ,,the ,,tweeded ,,gentleman in ghostly tones ,we're not ,church people1 you know4 ,,haslam4 ,oh1 ,i don't mind that1 if you don't4 ,the ,church people here are mostly as dull as ditch-water4 ,i have heard such a lot about you2 and there are so jolly few people to talk to4 ,i thought you perhaps wouldn't mind4 ,do you mind8 for of course ,i'll go like a shot if ,i'm in the way4 ,,the ,,clerical ,,gentleman rising1 disarmed ,sit down1 ,mr--er8 ,,haslam4 ,haslam4 ,,the ,,clerical ,,gentleman4 ,mr ,haslam4 ,,the ,,tweeded ,,gentleman rising and offering him the stool ,sit down4 ,he retreats towards the ,chippendale chairs4 ,,haslam sitting down on the stool ,thanks awfully4 ,,the ,,clerical ,,gentleman resuming his seat ,this is my brother ,conrad1 ,professor of ,biology at ,jarrowfields ,university3 ,dr4 ,conrad ,barnabas4 ,my name is ,franklyn3 ,franklyn ,barnabas4 ,i was in the ,church myself for some years4 ,,haslam sympathizing ,yes3 one cant help it4 ,if theres a living in the family1 or one's ,governor knows a patron1 one gets shoved into the ,church by one's parents4 ,,conrad sitting down on the furthest ,chippendale with a snort of amusement ,mp6 ,,franklyn4 ,one gets shoved out of it1 sometimes1 by one's conscience4 ,,haslam4 ,oh yes2 but where is a chap like me to go8 ,i'm afraid ,i'm not intellectual enough to split straws when theres a job in front of me1 and nothing better for me to do4 ,i daresay the ,church was a bit thick for you2 but it's good enough for me4 ,it will last my time1 anyhow he laughs good-humoredly4 ,,franklyn with renewed energy ,there again6 ,you see1 ,con4 ,it will last his time4 ,life is too short for men to take it seriously4 ,,haslam4 ,thats a way of looking at it1 certainly4 ,,franklyn4 ,i was not shoved into the ,church1 ,mr ,haslam3 ,i felt it to be my vocation to walk with ,god1 like ,enoch4 ,after twenty years of it ,i realized that ,i was walking with my own ignorance and self-conceit1 and that ,i was not within a hundred and fifty years of the experience and wisdom ,i was pretending to4 ,,haslam4 ,now ,i come to think of it1 old ,methuselah must have had to think twice before he took on anything for life4 ,if ,i thought ,i was going to live nine hundred and sixty years1 ,i don't think ,i should stay in the ,church4 ,,franklyn4 ,if men lived even a third of that time1 the ,church would be very different from the thing it is4 ,,conrad4 ,if ,i could count on nine hundred and sixty years ,i could make myself a real biologist1 instead of what ,i am now3 a child trying to walk4 ,are you sure you might not become a good clergyman if you had a few centuries to do it in8 ,,haslam4 ,oh1 theres nothing much the matter with me3 it's quite easy to be a decent parson4 ,it's the ,church that chokes me off4 ,i couldnt stick it for nine hundred years4 ,i should chuck it4 ,you know1 sometimes1 when the bishop1 who is the most priceless of fossils1 lets off something more than usually out-of-date1 the bird starts in my garden4 ,,franklyn4 ,the bird8 ,,haslam4 ,oh yes4 ,theres a bird there that keeps on singing ',stick it or chuck it3 stick it or chuck it'--just like that--for an hour on end in the spring4 ,i wish my father had found some other shop for me4 ,the parlor maid comes back4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,any letters for the post1 sir8 ,,franklyn4 ,these4 ,he proffers a basket of letters4 ,she comes to the table and takes them4 ,,haslam to the maid ,have you told ,mr ,barnabas yet8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid flinching a little ,no1 sir4 ,,franklyn4 ,told me what8 ,,haslam4 ,she is going to leave you8 ,,franklyn4 ,indeed8 ,i'm sorry4 ,is it our fault1 ,mr ,haslam8 ,,haslam4 ,not a bit4 ,she is jolly well off here4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid reddening ,i have never denied it1 sir3 ,i couldnt ask for a better place4 ,but ,i have only one life to live2 and ,i maynt get a second chance4 ,excuse me1 sir2 but the letters must go to catch the post4 ,she goes out with the letters4 ,the two brothers look inquiringly at ,haslam4 ,,haslam4 ,silly girl6 ,going to marry a village woodman and live in a hovel with him and a lot of kids tumbling over one another1 just because the fellow has poetic-looking eyes and a moustache4 ,,conrad demurring ,she said it was because she had only one life4 ,,haslam4 ,same thing1 poor girl6 ,the fellow persuaded her to chuck it2 and when she marries him she'll have to stick it4 ,rotten state of things1 ,i call it4 ,,conrad4 ,you see1 she hasnt time to find out what life really means4 ,she has to die before she knows4 ,,haslam agreeably ,thats it4 ,,franklyn4 ,she hasnt time to form a well-instructed conscience4 ,,haslam still more cheerfully ,quite4 ,,franklyn4 ,it goes deeper4 ,she hasnt time to form a genuine conscience at all4 ,some romantic points of honor and a few conventions4 ,a world without conscience3 that is the horror of our condition4 ,,haslam beaming ,simply fatuous4 ,rising ,well1 ,i suppose ,i'd better be going4 ,it's most awfully good of you to put up with my calling4 ,,conrad in his former low ghostly tone ,you neednt go1 you know1 if you are really interested4 ,,haslam fed up ,well1 ,i'm afraid ,i ought to--,i really must get back--,i have something to do in the-- ,,franklyn smiling benignly and rising to proffer his hand ,goodbye4 ,,conrad gruffly1 giving him up as a bad job ,goodbye4 ,,haslam4 ,goodbye4 ,sorry--er-- ,as the rector moves to shake hands with ,franklyn1 feeling that he is making a frightful mess of his departure1 a vigorous sunburnt young lady with hazel hair cut to the level of her neck1 like an ,italian youth in a ,gozzoli picture1 comes in impetuously4 ,she seems to have nothing on but her short skirt1 her blouse1 her stockings1 and a pair of ,norwegian shoes3 in short1 she is a ,simple-,lifer4 ,,the ,,simple-,,lifer swooping on ,conrad and kissing him ,hallo1 ,nunk4 ,youre before your time4 ,,conrad4 ,behave yourself4 ,theres a visitor4 ,she turns quickly and sees the rector4 ,she instinctively switches at her ,gozzoli fringe with her fingers1 but gives it up as hopeless4 ,,franklyn4 ,mr ,haslam1 our new rector4 ,to ,haslam ,my daughter ,cynthia4 ,,conrad4 ,usually called ,savvy1 short for ,savage4 ,,savvy4 ,i usually call ,mr ,haslam ,bill1 short for ,william4 ,she strolls to the hearthrug1 and surveys them calmly from that commanding position4 ,,franklyn4 ,you know him8 ,,savvy4 ,rather4 ,sit down1 ,bill4 ,,franklyn4 ,mr ,haslam is going1 ,savvy4 ,he has an engagement4 ,,savvy4 ,i know4 ,i'm the engagement4 ,,conrad4 ,in that case1 would you mind taking him into the garden while ,i talk to your father8 ,,savvy to ,haslam ,tennis8 ,,haslam4 ,rather6 ,,savvy4 ,come on4 ,she dances out4 ,he runs boyishly after her4 ,,franklyn leaving his table and beginning to walk up and down the room discontentedly ,savvy's manners jar on me4 ,they would have horrified her grandmother4 ,,conrad obstinately ,they are happier manners than ,mother's manners4 ,,franklyn4 ,yes3 they are franker1 wholesomer1 better in a hundred ways4 ,and yet ,i squirm at them4 ,i cannot get it out of my head that ,mother was a well-mannered woman1 and that ,savvy has no manners at all4 ,,conrad4 ,there wasnt any pleasure in ,mother's fine manners4 ,that makes a biological difference4 ,,franklyn4 ,but there was beauty in ,mother's manners1 grace in them1 style in them3 above all1 decision in them4 ,savvy is such a cub4 ,,conrad4 ,so she ought to be1 at her age4 ,,franklyn4 ,there it comes again6 ,her age6 her age6 ,,conrad4 ,you want her to be fully grown at eighteen4 ,you want to force her into a stuck-up1 artificial1 premature self-possession before she has any self to possess4 ,you just let her alone3 she is right enough for her years4 ,,franklyn4 ,i have let her alone2 and look at the result6 ,like all the other young people who have been let alone1 she becomes a ,socialist4 ,that is1 she becomes hopelessly demoralized4 ,,conrad4 ,well1 arnt you a ,socialist8 ,,franklyn4 ,yes2 but that is not the same thing4 ,you and ,i were brought up in the old bourgeois morality4 ,we were taught bourgeois manners and bourgeois points of honor4 ,bourgeois manners may be snobbish manners3 there may be no pleasure in them1 as you say2 but they are better than no manners4 ,many bourgeois points of honor may be false2 but at least they exist4 ,the women know what to expect and what is expected of them4 ,savvy doesn't4 ,she is a ,bolshevist and nothing else4 ,she has to improvise her manners and her conduct as she goes along4 ,it's often charming1 no doubt2 but sometimes she puts her foot in it frightfully2 and then ,i feel that she is blaming me for not teaching her better4 ,,conrad4 ,well1 you have something better to teach her now1 at all events4 ,,franklyn4 ,yes3 but it is too late4 ,she doesn't trust me now4 ,she doesn't talk about such things to me4 ,she doesnt read anything ,i write4 ,she never comes to hear me lecture4 ,i am out of it as far as ,savvy is concerned4 ,he resumes his seat at the writing-table4 ,,conrad4 ,i must have a talk to her4 ,,franklyn4 ,perhaps she will listen to you4 ,you are not her father4 ,,conrad4 ,i sent her my last book4 ,i can break the ice by asking her what she made of it4 ,,franklyn4 ,when she heard you were coming1 she asked me whether all the leaves were cut1 in case it fell into your hands4 ,she hasnt read a word of it4 ,,conrad rising indignantly ,what6 ,,franklyn inexorably ,not a word of it4 ,,conrad beaten ,well1 ,i suppose it's only natural4 ,biology is a dry subject for a girl2 and ,i am a pretty dry old codger4 ,he sits down again resignedly4 ,,franklyn4 ,brother3 if that is so2 if biology as you have worked at it1 and religion as ,i have worked at it1 are dry subjects like the old stuff they taught under these names1 and we two are dry old codgers1 like the old preachers and professors1 then the ,gospel of the ,brothers ,barnabas is a delusion4 ,unless this withered thing religion1 and this dry thing science1 have come alive in our hands1 alive and intensely interesting1 we may just as well go out and dig the garden until it is time to dig our graves4 ,the parlor maid returns4 ,franklyn is impatient at the interruption4 ,well8 what is it now8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,mr ,joyce ,burge on the telephone1 sir4 ,he wants to speak to you4 ,,franklyn astonished ,mr ,joyce ,burge6 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,yes1 sir4 ,,franklyn to ,conrad ,what on earth does this mean8 ,i havnt heard from him nor exchanged a word with him for years4 ,i resigned the chairmanship of the ,liberal ,association and shook the dust of party politics from my feet before he was ,prime ,minister in the ,coalition4 ,of course1 he dropped me like a hot potato4 ,,conrad4 ,well1 now that the ,coalition has chucked him out1 and he is only one of the half-dozen leaders of the ,opposition1 perhaps he wants to pick you up again4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid warningly ,he is holding the line1 sir4 ,,franklyn4 ,yes3 all right he hurries out4 ,the parlor maid goes to the hearthrug to make up the fire4 ,conrad rises and strolls to the middle of the room1 where he stops and looks quizzically down at her4 ,,conrad4 ,so you have only one life to live1 eh8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid dropping on her knees in consternation ,i meant no offence1 sir4 ,,conrad4 ,you didn't give any4 ,but you know you could live a devil of a long life if you really wanted to4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid sitting down on her heels ,oh1 dont say that1 sir4 ,it's so unsettling4 ,,conrad4 ,why8 ,have you been thinking about it8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,it would never have come into my head if you hadnt put it there1 sir4 ,me and cook had a look at your book4 ,,conrad4 ,what6 ,you and cook ,had a look ,at my book6 ,and my niece wouldn't open it6 ,the prophet is without honor in his own family4 ,well1 what do you think of living for several hundred years8 ,are you going to have a try for it8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,well1 of course youre not in earnest1 sir4 ,but it does set one thinking1 especially when one is going to be married4 ,,conrad4 ,what has that to do with it8 ,he may live as long as you1 you know4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,thats just it1 sir4 ,you see1 he must take me for better for worse1 til death do us part4 ,do you think he would be so ready to do that1 sir1 if he thought it might be for several hundred years8 ,,conrad4 ,thats true4 ,and what about yourself8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,oh1 ,i tell you straight out1 sir1 ,i'd never promise to live with the same man as long as that4 ,i wouldnt put up with my own children as long as that4 ,why1 cook figured it out1 sir1 that when you were only #bjj1 you might marry your own great-great-great-great-great-great-gran dson and not even know who he was4 ,,conrad4 ,well1 why not8 ,for all you know1 the man you are going to marry may be your great-great-great-great-great-great-gran dmother's great-great-great-great-great-great-gran dson4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,but do you think it would ever be thought respectable1 sir8 ,,conrad4 ,my good girl1 all biological necessities have to be made respectable whether we like it or not2 so you neednt worry yourself about that4 ,franklyn returns and crosses the room to his chair1 but does not sit down4 ,the parlor maid goes out4 ,,conrad4 ,well1 what does ,joyce ,burge want8 ,,franklyn4 ,oh1 a silly misunderstanding4 ,i have promised to address a meeting in ,middlesborough2 and some fool has put it into the papers that ,i am 'coming to ,middlesborough1' without any explanation4 ,of course1 now that we are on the eve of a general election1 political people think ,i am coming there to contest the parliamentary seat4 ,burge knows that ,i have a following1 and thinks ,i could get into the ,house of ,commons and head a group there4 ,so he insists on coming to see me4 ,he is staying with some people at ,dollis ,hill1 and can be here in five or ten minutes1 he says4 ,,conrad4 ,but didn't you tell him that it's a false alarm8 ,,franklyn4 ,of course ,i did2 but he wont believe me4 ,,conrad4 ,called you a liar1 in fact8 ,,franklyn4 ,no3 ,i wish he had3 any sort of plain speaking is better than the nauseous sham good fellowship our democratic public men get up for shop use4 ,he pretends to believe me1 and assures me his visit is quite disinterested2 but why should he come if he has no axe to grind8 ,these chaps never believe anything they say themselves2 and naturally they cannot believe anything anyone else says4 ,,conrad rising ,well1 ,i shall clear out4 ,it was hard enough to stand the party politicians before the war2 but now that they have managed to half kill ,europe between them1 ,i cant be civil to them1 and ,i dont see why ,i should be4 ,,franklyn4 ,wait a bit4 ,we have to find out how the world will take our new gospel4 ,conrad sits down again4 ,party politicians are still unfortunately an important part of the world4 ,suppose we try it on ,joyce ,burge4 ,,conrad4 ,how can you8 ,you can tell things only to people who can listen4 ,joyce ,burge has talked so much that he has lost the power of listening4 ,he doesnt listen even in the ,house of ,commons4 ,savvy rushes in breathless1 followed by ,haslam1 who remains timidly just inside the door4 ,,savvy running to ,franklyn ,i say6 ,who do you think has just driven up in a big car8 ,,franklyn4 ,mr ,joyce ,burge1 perhaps4 ,,savvy disappointed ,oh1 they know1 ,bill4 ,why didnt you tell us he was coming8 ,i have nothing on4 ,,haslam4 ,i'd better go1 hadnt ,i8 ,,conrad4 ,you just wait here1 both of you4 ,when you start yawning1 ,joyce ,burge will take the hint1 perhaps4 ,,savvy to ,franklyn ,may we8 ,,franklyn4 ,yes1 if you promise to behave yourself4 ,,savvy making a wry face ,that will be a treat1 wont it8 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid entering and announcing ,mr ,joyce ,burge4 ,haslam hastily moves to the fireplace2 and the parlor maid goes out and shuts the door when the visitor has passed in4 ,,franklyn hurrying past ,savvy to his guest with the false cordiality he has just been denouncing ,oh6 ,here you are4 ,delighted to see you4 ,he shakes ,burge's hand1 and introduces ,savvy ,my daughter4 ,,savvy not daring to approach ,very kind of you to come4 ,joyce ,burge stands fast and says nothing2 but he screws up his cheeks into a smile at each introduction1 and makes his eyes shine in a very winning manner4 ,he is a well-fed man turned fifty1 with broad forehead1 and grey hair which1 his neck being short1 falls almost to his collar4 ,,franklyn4 ,mr ,haslam1 our rector4 ,burge conveys an impression of shining like a church window2 and ,haslam seizes the nearest library chair on the hearth1 and swings it round for ,burge between the stool and ,conrad4 ,he then retires to the window seat at the other side of the room1 and is joined by ,savvy4 ,they sit there1 side by side1 hunched up with their elbows on their knees and their chins on their hands1 providing ,burge with a sort of ,stranger's ,gallery during the ensuing sitting4 ,,franklyn4 ,i forget whether you know my brother ,conrad4 ,he is a biologist4 ,,burge suddenly bursting into energetic action and shaking hands heartily with ,conrad ,by reputation only1 but very well1 of course4 ,how ,i wish ,i could have devoted myself to biology6 ,i have always been interested in rocks and strata and volcanoes and so forth3 they throw such a light on the age of the earth4 ,with conviction ,there is nothing like biology4 ',the cloud-capped towers1 the solemn binnacles1 the gorgeous temples1 the great globe itself3 yea1 all that it inherit shall dissolve1 and1 like this influential pageant faded1 leave not a rack behind4' ,thats biology1 you know3 good sound biology4 ,he sits down4 ,so do the others1 ,franklyn on the stool1 and ,conrad on his ,chippendale4 ,well1 my dear ,barnabas1 what do you think of the situation8 ,dont you think the time has come for us to make a move8 ,,franklyn4 ,the time has always come to make a move4 ,,burge4 ,how true6 ,but what is the move to be8 ,you are a man of enormous influence4 ,we know that4 ,weve always known it4 ,we have to consult you whether we like it or not4 ,we-- ,,franklyn interrupting firmly ,i never meddle in party politics now4 ,,savvy4 ,it's no use saying you have no influence1 daddy4 ,heaps of people swear by you4 ,,burge shining at her ,of course they do4 ,come6 let me prove to you what we think of you4 ,shall we find you a first-rate constituency to contest at the next election8 ,one that wont cost you a penny4 ,a metropolitan seat4 ,what do you say to the ,strand8 ,,franklyn4 ,my dear ,burge1 ,i am not a child4 ,why do you go on wasting your party funds on the ,strand8 ,you know you cannot win it4 ,,burge4 ,we cannot win it2 but you-- ,,franklyn4 ,oh1 please6 ,,savvy4 ,the ,strand's no use1 ,mr ,burge4 ,i once canvassed for a ,socialist there4 ,cheese it4 ,,burge4 ,cheese it6 ,,haslam spluttering with suppressed laughter ,priceless6 ,,savvy4 ,well1 ,i suppose ,i shouldnt say cheese it to a ,right ,honorable4 ,but the ,strand1 you know6 ,do come off it4 ,,franklyn4 ,you must excuse my daughter's shocking manners1 ,burge2 but ,i agree with her that popular democratic statesmen soon come to believe that everyone they speak to is an ignorant dupe and a born fool into the bargain4 ,,burge laughing genially ,you old aristocrat1 you6 ,but believe me1 the instinct of the people is sound-- ,,conrad cutting in sharply ,then why are you in the ,opposition instead of in the ,government8 ,,burge shewing signs of temper under this heckling ,i deny that ,i am in the ,opposition morally4 ,the ,government does not represent the country4 ,i was chucked out of the ,coalition by a ,tory conspiracy4 ,the people want me back4 ,i dont want to go back4 ,,franklyn gently remonstrant ,my dear ,burge3 of course you do4 ,,burge turning on him ,not a bit of it4 ,i want to cultivate my garden4 ,i am not interested in politics3 ,i am interested in roses4 ,i havnt a scrap of ambition4 ,i went into politics because my wife shoved me into them1 bless her6 ,but ,i want to serve my country4 ,what else am ,i for8 ,i want to save my country from the ,tories4 ,they dont represent the people4 ,the man they have made ,prime ,minister has never represented the people2 and you know it4 ,lord ,dunreen is the bitterest old ,tory left alive4 ,what has he to offer to the people8 ,,franklyn cutting in before ,burge can proceed--as he evidently intends--to answer his own question ,i will tell you4 ,he has ascertainable beliefs and principles to offer4 ,the people know where they are with ,lord ,dunreen4 ,they know what he thinks right and what he thinks wrong4 ,with your followers they never know where they are4 ,with you they never know where they are4 ,,burge amazed ,with me6 ,,franklyn4 ,well1 where are you8 ,what are you8 ,,burge4 ,barnabas3 you must be mad4 ,you ask me what ,i am8 ,,franklyn4 ,i do4 ,,burge4 ,i am1 if ,i mistake not1 ,joyce ,burge1 pretty well known throughout ,europe1 and indeed throughout the world1 as the man who--unworthily perhaps1 but not quite unsuccessfully--held the helm when the ship of ,state weathered the mightiest hurricane that has ever burst with earth-shaking violence on the land of our fathers4 ,,franklyn4 ,i know that4 ,i know who you are4 ,and the earth-shaking part of it to me is that though you were placed in that enormously responsible position1 neither ,i nor anyone else knows what your beliefs are1 or even whether you have either beliefs or principles4 ,what we did know was that your ,government was formed largely of men who regarded you as a robber of henroosts1 and whom you regarded as enemies of the people4 ,,burge adroitly1 as he thinks ,i agree with you4 ,i agree with you absolutely4 ,i dont believe in coalition governments4 ,,franklyn4 ,precisely4 ,yet you formed two4 ,,burge4 ,why8 ,because we were at war4 ,that is what you fellows never would realize4 ,the ,hun was at the gate4 ,our country1 our lives1 the honor of our wives and mothers and daughters1 the tender flesh of our innocent babes1 were at stake4 ,was that a time to argue about principles8 ,,franklyn4 ,i should say it was the time of all others to confirm the resolution of our own men and gain the confidence and support of public opinion throughout the world by a declaration of principle4 ,do you think the ,hun would ever have come to the gate if he had known that it would be shut in his face on principle8 ,did he not hold his own against you until ,america boldly affirmed the democratic principle and came to our rescue8 ,why did you let ,america snatch that honor from ,england8 ,,burge4 ,barnabas3 ,america was carried away by words1 and had to eat them at the ,peace ,conference4 ,beware of eloquence3 it is the bane of popular speakers like you4 ,,franklyn exclaiming,well66 ,,savvy all,i like that6 ,,haslam together,priceless6 ,,burge continuing remorselessly ,come down to facts4 ,it wasn't principle that won the war3 it was the ,british fleet and the blockade4 ,america found the talk3 ,i found the shells4 ,you cannot win wars by principles2 but you can win elections by them4 ,there ,i am with you4 ,you want the next election to be fought on principles3 that is what it comes to1 doesnt it8 ,,franklyn4 ,i dont want it to be fought at all6 ,an election is a moral horror1 as bad as a battle except for the blood3 a mud bath for every soul concerned in it4 ,you know very well that it will not be fought on principle4 ,,burge4 ,on the contrary it will be fought on nothing else4 ,i believe a program is a mistake4 ,i agree with you that principle is what we want4 ,,franklyn4 ,principle without program1 eh8 ,,burge4 ,exactly4 ,there it is in three words4 ,,franklyn4 ,why not in one word8 ,platitudes4 ,that is what principle without program means4 ,,burge puzzled but patient1 trying to get at ,franklyn's drift in order to ascertain his price ,i have not made myself clear4 ,listen4 ,i am agreeing with you4 ,i am on your side4 ,i am accepting your proposal4 ,there isnt going to be any more coalition4 ,this time there wont be a ,tory in the ,cabinet4 ,every candidate will have to pledge himself to ,free ,trade1 slightly modified by consideration for our ,overseas ,dominions2 to ,disestablishment2 to ,reform of the ,house of ,lords2 to a revised scheme of ,taxation of ,land ,values2 and to doing something or other to keep the ,irish quiet4 ,does that satisfy you8 ,,franklyn4 ,it does not even interest me4 ,suppose your friends do commit themselves to all this6 ,what does it prove about them except that they are hopelessly out of date even in party politics8 that they have learnt nothing and forgotten nothing since #ahhe8 ,what is it to me that they hate the ,church and hate the landed gentry2 that they are jealous of the nobility1 and have shipping shares instead of manufacturing businesses in the ,midlands8 ,i can find you hundreds of the most sordid rascals1 or the most densely stupid reactionaries1 with all these qualifications4 ,,burge4 ,personal abuse proves nothing4 ,do you suppose the ,tories are all angels because they are all members of the ,church of ,england8 ,,franklyn4 ,no2 but they stand together as members of the ,church of ,england1 whereas your people1 in attacking the ,church1 are all over the shop4 ,the supporters of the ,church are of one mind about religion3 its enemies are of a dozen minds4 ,the ,churchmen are a phalanx3 your people are a mob in which atheists are jostled by ,plymouth ,brethren1 and ,positivists by ,pillars of ,fire4 ,you have with you all the crudest unbelievers and all the crudest fanatics4 ,,burge4 ,we stand1 as ,cromwell did1 for liberty of conscience1 if that is what you mean4 ,,franklyn4 ,how can you talk such rubbish over the graves of your conscientious objectors8 ,all law limits liberty of conscience3 if a man's conscience allows him to steal your watch or to shirk military service1 how much liberty do you allow it8 ,liberty of conscience is not my point4 ,,burge testily ,i wish you would come to your point4 ,half the time you are saying that you must have principles2 and when ,i offer you principles you say they wont work4 ,,franklyn4 ,you have not offered me any principles4 ,your party shibboleths are not principles4 ,if you get into power again you will find yourself at the head of a rabble of ,socialists and anti-,socialists1 of ,jingo ,imperialists and ,little ,englanders1 of cast-iron ,materialists and ecstatic ,quakers1 of ,christian ,scientists and ,compulsory ,inoculationists1 of ,syndicalists and ,bureaucrats3 in short1 of men differing fiercely and irreconcilably on every principle that goes to the root of human society and destiny2 and the impossibility of keeping such a team together will force you to sell the pass again to the solid ,conservative ,opposition4 ,,burge rising in wrath ,sell the pass again6 ,you accuse me of having sold the pass6 ,,franklyn4 ,when the terrible impact of real warfare swept your parliamentary sham warfare into the dustbin1 you had to go behind the backs of your followers and make a secret agreement with the leaders of the ,opposition to keep you in power on condition that you dropped all legislation of which they did not approve4 ,and you could not even hold them to their bargain2 for they presently betrayed the secret and forced the coalition on you4 ,,burge4 ,i solemnly declare that this is a false and monstrous accusation4 ,,franklyn4 ,do you deny that the thing occurred8 ,were the uncontradicted reports false8 ,were the published letters forgeries8 ,,burge4 ,certainly not4 ,but ,i did not do it4 ,i was not ,prime ,minister then4 ,it was that old dotard1 that played-out old humbug ,lubin4 ,he was ,prime ,minister then1 not ,i4 ,,franklyn4 ,do you mean to say you did not know8 ,,burge sitting down again with a shrug ,oh1 ,i had to be told4 ,but what could ,i do8 ,if we had refused we might have had to go out of office4 ,,franklyn4 ,precisely4 ,,burge4 ,well1 could we desert the country at such a crisis8 ,the ,hun was at the gate4 ,everyone has to make sacrifices for the sake of the country at such moments4 ,we had to rise above party2 and ,i am proud to say we never gave party a second thought4 ,we stuck to-- ,,conrad4 ,office8 ,,surge turning on him ,yes1 sir1 to office3 that is1 to responsibility1 to danger1 to heart-sickening toil1 to abuse and misunderstanding1 to a martyrdom that made us envy the very soldiers in the trenches4 ,if you had had to live for months on aspirin and bromide of potassium to get a wink of sleep1 you wouldn't talk about office as if it were a catch4 ,,franklyn4 ,still1 you admit that under our parliamentary system ,lubin could not have helped himself8 ,,burge4 ,on that subject my lips are closed4 ,nothing will induce me to say one word against the old man4 ,i never have2 and ,i never will4 ,lubin is old3 he has never been a real statesman3 he is as lazy as a cat on a hearthrug3 you cant get him to attend to anything3 he is good for nothing but getting up and making speeches with a peroration that goes down with the back benches4 ,but ,i say nothing against him4 ,i gather that you do not think much of me as a statesman2 but at all events ,i can get things done4 ,i can hustle3 even you will admit that4 ,but ,lubin6 ,oh my stars1 ,lubin66 ,if you only knew-- ,the parlor maid opens the door and announces a visitor4 ,,the ,,parlor ,,maid4 ,mr ,lubin4 ,,surge bounding from his chair ,lubin6 ,is this a conspiracy8 ,they all rise in amazement1 staring at the door4 ,lubin enters3 a man at the end of his sixties1 a ,yorkshireman with the last traces of ,scandinavian flax still in his white hair1 undistinguished in stature1 unassuming in his manner1 and taking his simple dignity for granted1 but wonderfully comfortable and quite self-assured in contrast to the intellectual restlessness of ,franklyn and the mesmeric self-assertiveness of ,burge4 ,his presence suddenly brings out the fact that they are unhappy men1 ill at ease1 square pegs in round holes1 whilst he flourishes like a primrose4 ,the parlor maid withdraws4 ,,lubin coming to ,franklyn ,how do you do1 ,mr ,barnabas8 ,he speaks very comfortably and kindly1 much as if he were the host1 and ,franklyn an embarrassed but welcome guest4 ,i had the pleasure of meeting you once at the ,mansion ,house4 ,i think it was to celebrate the conclusion of the hundred years peace with ,america4 ,,franklyn shaking hands ,it was long before that3 a meeting about ,venezuela1 when we were on the point of going to war with ,america4 ,,lubin not at all put out ,yes3 you are quite right4 ,i knew it was something about ,america4 ,he pats ,franklyn's hand4 ,and how have you been all this time8 ,well1 eh8 ,,franklyn smiling to soften the sarcasm ,a few vicissitudes of health naturally in so long a time4 ,,lubin4 ,just so4 ,just so4 ,looking round at ,savvy ,the young lady is--8 ,,franklyn4 ,my daughter1 ,savvy4 ,savvy comes from the window between her father and ,lubin4 ,,lubin taking her hand affectionately in both his ,and why has she never come to see us8 ,,burge4 ,i don't know whether you have noticed1 ,lubin1 that ,i am present4 ,savvy takes advantage of this diversion to slip away to the settee1 where she is stealthily joined by ,haslam1 who sits down on her left4 ,,lubin seating himself in ,burge's chair with ineffable comfortableness ,my dear ,burge3 if you imagine that it is possible to be within ten miles of your energetic presence without being acutely aware of it1 you do yourself the greatest injustice4 ,how are you8 ,and how are your good newspaper friends8 ,burge makes an explosive movement2 but ,lubin goes on calmly and sweetly ,and what are you doing here with my old friend ,barnabas1 if ,i may ask8 ,,burge sitting down in ,conrad's chair1 leaving him standing uneasily in the corner ,well1 just what you are doing1 if you want to know4 ,i am trying to enlist ,mr ,barnabas's valuable support for my party4 ,,lubin4 ,your party1 eh8 ,the newspaper party8 ,,burge4 ,the ,liberal ,party4 ,the party of which ,i have the honor to be leader4 ,,lubin4 ,have you now8 ,thats very interesting2 for ,i thought ,i was the leader of the ,liberal ,party4 ,however1 it is very kind of you to take it off my hands1 if the party will let you4 ,,burge4 ,do you suggest that ,i have not the support and confidence of the party8 ,,lubin4 ,i dont suggest anything1 my dear ,burge4 ,mr ,barnabas will tell you that we all think very highly of you4 ,the country owes you a great deal4 ,during the war1 you did very creditably over the munitions2 and if you were not quite so successful with the peace1 nobody doubted that you meant well4 ,,burge4 ,very kind of you1 ,lubin4 ,let me remark that you cannot lead a progressive party without getting a move on4 ,,lubin4 ,you mean you cannot4 ,i did it for ten years without the least difficulty4 ,and very comfortable1 prosperous1 pleasant years they were4 ,,burge4 ,yes2 but what did they end in8 ,,lubin4 ,in you1 ,burge4 ,you don't complain of that1 do you8 ,,burge fiercely ,in plague1 pestilence1 and famine2 battle1 murder1 and sudden death4 ,,lubin with an appreciative chuckle ,the ,nonconformist can quote the prayer-book for his own purposes1 ,i see4 ,how you enjoyed yourself over that business1 ,burge6 ,do you remember the ,knock-,out ,blow8 ,,burge4 ,it came off3 don't forget that4 ,do you remember fighting to the last drop of your blood8 ,,lubin unruffled1 to ,franklyn ,by the way1 ,i remember your brother ,conrad--a wonderful brain and a dear good fellow--explaining to me that ,i couldn't fight to the last drop of my blood1 because ,i should be dead long before ,i came to it4 ,most interesting1 and quite true4 ,he was introduced to me at a meeting where the suffragettes kept disturbing me4 ,they had to be carried out kicking and making a horrid disturbance4 ,,conrad4 ,no3 it was later1 at a meeting to support the ,franchise ,bill which gave them the vote4 ,,lubin discovering ,conrad's presence for the first time ,youre right3 it was4 ,i knew it had something to do with women4 ,my memory never deceives me4 ,thank you4 ,will you introduce me to this gentleman1 ,barnabas8 ,,conrad not at all affably ,i am the ,conrad in question4 ,he sits down in dudgeon on the vacant ,chippendale4 ,,lubin4 ,are you8 ,looking at him pleasantly ,yes3 of course you are4 ,i never forget a face4 ,but with an arch turn of his eyes to ,savvy your pretty niece engaged all my powers of vision4 ,,burge4 ,i wish youd be serious1 ,lubin4 ,god knows we have passed through times terrible enough to make any man serious4 ,,lubin4 ,i do not think ,i need to be reminded of that4 ,in peace time ,i used to keep myself fresh for my work by banishing all worldly considerations from my mind on ,sundays2 but war has no respect for the ,sabbath2 and there have been ,sundays within the last few years on which ,i have had to play as many as sixty-six games of bridge to keep my mind off the news from the front4 ,,burge scandalized ,sixty-six games of bridge on ,sunday666 ,,lubin4 ,you probably sang sixty-six hymns4 ,but as ,i cannot boast either your admirable voice or your spiritual fervor1 ,i had to fall back on bridge4 ,,franklyn4 ,if ,i may go back to the subject of your visit1 it seems to me that you may both be completely superseded by the ,labor ,party4 ,,burge4 ,but ,i am in the truest sense myself a ,labor leader4 ,i--he stops1 as ,lubin has risen with a half-suppressed yawn1 and is already talking calmly1 but without a pretence of interest4 ,,lubin4 ,the ,labor ,party6 ,oh no1 ,mr ,barnabas4 ,no1 no1 no1 no1 no4 ,he moves in ,savvy's direction4 ,there will be no trouble about that4 ,of course we must give them a few seats3 more1 ,i quite admit1 than we should have dreamt of leaving to them before the war2 but--by this time he has reached the sofa where ,savvy and ,haslam are seated4 ,he sits down between them2 takes her hand2 and drops the subject of ,labor4 ,well1 my dear young lady8 ,what is the latest news8 ,whats going on8 ,have you seen ,shoddy's new play8 ,tell me all about it1 and all about the latest books1 and all about everything4 ,,savvy4 ,you have not met ,mr ,haslam4 ,our ,rector4 ,,lubin who has quite overlooked ,haslam ,never heard of him4 ,is he any good8 ,,franklyn4 ,i was introducing him4 ,this is ,mr ,haslam4 ,,haslam4 ,how d'ye do8 ,,lubin4 ,i beg your pardon1 ,mr ,haslam4 ,delighted to meet you4 ,to ,savvy ,well1 now1 how many books have you written8 ,,savvy rather overwhelmed but attracted ,none4 ,i don't write4 ,,lubin4 ,you dont say so2 ,well1 what do you do8 ,music8 ,skirt-dancing8 ,,savvy4 ,i dont do anything4 ,,lubin4 ,thank ,god6 ,you and ,i were born for one another4 ,who is your favorite poet1 ,sally8 ,,savvy4 ,savvy4 ,,lubin4 ,savvy6 ,i never heard of him4 ,tell me all about him4 ,keep me up to date4 ,,savvy4 ,it's not a poet4 ,i am ,savvy1 not ,sally4 ,,lubin4 ,savvy6 ,thats a funny name1 and very pretty4 ,savvy4 ,it sounds ,chinese4 ,what does it mean8 ,,conrad4 ,short for ,savage4 ,,lubin patting her hand ,la belle ,sauvage4 ,,haslam rising and surrendering ,savvy to ,lubin by crossing to the fireplace ,i suppose the ,church is out of it as far as progressive politics are concerned4 ,,burge4 ,nonsense6 ,that notion about the ,church being unprogressive is one of those shibboleths that our party must drop4 ,the ,church is all right essentially4 ,get rid of the establishment2 get rid of the bishops2 get rid of the candlesticks2 get rid of the #ci articles2 and the ,church of ,england is just as good as any other ,church2 and ,i don't care who hears me say so4 ,,lubin4 ,it doesn't matter a bit who hears you say so1 my dear ,burge4 ,to ,savvy ,who did you say your favorite poet was8 ,,savvy4 ,i dont make pets of poets4 ,who's yours8 ,,lubin4 ,horace4 ,,savvy4 ,horace who8 ,,lubin4 ,quintus ,horatius ,flaccus3 the noblest ,roman of them all1 my dear4 ,,savvy4 ,oh1 if he is dead1 that explains it4 ,i have a theory that all the dead people we feel especially interested in must have been ourselves4 ,you must be ,horace's reincarnation4 ,,lubin delighted ,that is the very most charming and penetrating and intelligent thing that has ever been said to me4 ,barnabas3 will you exchange daughters with me8 ,i can give you your choice of two4 ,,franklyn4 ,man proposes4 ,savvy disposes4 ,,lubin4 ,what does ,savvy say8 ,,burge4 ,lubin3 ,i came here to talk politics4 ,,lubin4 ,yes3 you have only one subject1 ,burge4 ,i came here to talk to ,savvy4 ,take ,burge into the next room1 ,barnabas2 and let him rip4 ,,burge half-angry1 half-indulgent ,no2 but really1 ,lubin1 we are at a crisis-- ,,lubin4 ,my dear ,burge1 life is a disease2 and the only difference between one man and another is the stage of the disease at which he lives4 ,you are always at the crisis2 ,i am always in the convalescent stage4 ,i enjoy convalescence4 ,it is the part that makes the illness worth while4 ,,savvy half-rising ,perhaps ,i'd better run away4 ,i am distracting you4 ,,lubin making her sit down again ,not at all1 my dear4 ,you are only distracting ,burge4 ,jolly good thing for him to be distracted by a pretty girl4 ,just what he needs4 ,,burge4 ,i sometimes envy you1 ,lubin4 ,the great movement of mankind1 the giant sweep of the ages1 passes you by and leaves you standing4 ,,lubin4 ,it leaves me sitting1 and quite comfortable1 thank you4 ,go on sweeping4 ,when you are tired of it1 come back2 and you will find ,england where it was1 and me in my accustomed place1 with ,miss ,savvy telling me all sorts of interesting things4 ,,savvy who has been growing more and more restless ,dont let him shut you up1 ,mr ,burge4 ,you know1 ,mr ,lubin1 ,i am frightfully interested in the ,labor movement1 and in ,theosophy1 and in reconstruction after the war1 and all sorts of things4 ,i daresay the flappers in your smart set are tremendously flattered when you sit beside them and are nice to them as you are being nice to me2 but ,i am not smart2 and ,i am no use as a flapper4 ,i am dowdy and serious4 ,i want you to be serious4 ,if you refuse1 ,i shall go and sit beside ,mr ,burge1 and ask him to hold my hand4 ,,lubin4 ,he wouldnt know how to do it1 my dear4 ,burge has a reputation as a profligate-- ,,burge starting ,lubin3 this is monstrous4 ,i-- ,,lubin continuing--but he is really a model of domesticity4 ,his name is coupled with all the most celebrated beauties2 but for him there is only one woman2 and that is not you1 my dear1 but his very charming wife4 ,,burge4 ,you are destroying my character in the act of pretending to save it4 ,have the goodness to confine yourself to your own character and your own wife4 ,both of them need all your attention4 ,,lubin4 ,i have the privilege of my age and of my transparent innocence4 ,i have not to struggle with your volcanic energy4 ,,burge with an immense sense of power ,no1 by ,george6 ,,franklyn4 ,i think ,i shall speak both for my brother and myself1 and possibly also for my daughter1 if ,i say that since the object of your visit and ,mr ,joyce ,burge's is to some extent political1 we should hear with great interest something about your political aims1 ,mr ,lubin4 ,,lubin assenting with complete good humor1 and becoming attentive1 clear1 and businesslike in his tone ,by all means1 ,mr ,barnabas4 ,what we have to consider first1 ,i take it1 is what prospect there is of our finding you beside us in the ,house after the next election4 ,,franklyn4 ,when ,i speak of politics1 ,mr ,lubin1 ,i am not thinking of elections1 or available seats1 or party funds1 or the registers1 or even1 ,i am sorry to have to add1 of parliament as it exists at present4 ,i had much rather you talked about bridge than about electioneering3 it is the more interesting game of the two4 ,,burge4 ,he wants to discuss principles1 ,lubin4 ,,lubin very cool and clear ,i understand ,mr ,barnabas quite well4 ,but elections are unsettled things2 principles are settled things4 ,,conrad impatiently ,great ,heavens6-- ,,lubin interrupting him with quiet authority ,one moment1 ,dr ,barnabas4 ,the main principles on which modern civilized society is founded are pretty well understood among educated people4 ,that is what our dangerously half-educated masses and their pet demagogues--if ,burge will excuse that expression-- ,,burge4 ,dont mind me4 ,go on4 ,i shall have something to say presently4 ,,lubin4--that is what our dangerously half-educated people do not realize4 ,take all this fuss about the ,labor ,party1 with its imaginary new principles and new politics4 ,the ,labor members will find that the immutable laws of political economy take no more notice of their ambitions and aspirations than the law of gravitation4 ,i speak1 if ,i may say so1 with knowledge2 for ,i have made a special1 study of the ,labor question4 ,,franklyn with interest and some surprise ,indeed8 ,,lubin4 ,yes4 ,it occurred quite at the beginning of my career4 ,i was asked to deliver an address to the students at the ,working ,men's ,college2 and ,i was strongly advised to comply1 as ,gladstone and ,morley and others were doing that sort of thing at the moment4 ,it was rather a troublesome job1 because ,i had not gone into political economy at the time4 ,as you know1 at the university ,i was a classical scholar2 and my profession was the ,law4 ,but ,i looked up the text-books1 and got up the case most carefully4 ,i found that the correct view is that all this ,trade ,unionism and ,socialism and so forth is founded on the ignorant delusion that wages and the production and distribution of wealth can be controlled by legislation or by any human action whatever4 ,they obey fixed scientific laws1 which have been ascertained and settled finally by the highest economic authorities4 ,naturally ,i do not at this distance of time remember the exact process of reasoning2 but ,i can get up the case again at any time in a couple of days2 and you may rely on me absolutely1 should the occasion arise1 to deal with all these ignorant and unpractical people in a conclusive and convincing way1 except1 of course1 as far as it may be advisable to indulge and flatter them a little so as to let them down without creating ill feeling in the working-class electorate4 ,in short1 ,i can get that lecture up again almost at a moment's notice4 ,,savvy4 ,but1 ,mr ,lubin1 ,i have had a university education too2 and all this about wages and distribution being fixed by immutable laws of political economy is obsolete rot4 ,,franklyn shocked ,oh1 my dear6 ,that is not polite4 ,,lubin4 ,no1 no1 no4 ,dont scold her4 ,she mustnt be scolded4 ,to ,savvy ,i understand4 ,you are a disciple of ,karl ,marx4 ,,savvy4 ,no1 no4 ,karl ,marx's economics are all rot4 ,,lubin at last a little taken aback ,dear me6 ,,savvy4 ,you must excuse me1 ,mr ,lubin2 but it's like hearing a man talk about the ,garden of ,eden4 ,,conrad4 ,why shouldnt he talk about the ,garden of ,eden8 ,it was a first attempt at biology anyhow4 ,,lubin recovering his self-possession ,i am sound on the ,garden of ,eden4 ,i have heard of ,darwin4 ,,savvy4 ,but ,darwin is all rot4 ,,lubin4 ,what6 ,already6 ,,savvy4 ,it's no good your smiling at me like a ,cheshire cat1 ,mr ,lubin2 and ,i am not going to sit here mumchance like an old-fashioned goody goody wife while you men monopolize the conversation and pay out the very ghastliest exploded drivel as the latest thing in politics4 ,i am not giving you my own ideas1 ,mr ,lubin1 but just the regular orthodox science of today4 ,only the most awful old fossils think that ,socialism is bad economics and that ,darwin invented ,evolution4 ,ask ,papa4 ,ask ,uncle4 ,ask the first person you meet in the street4 ,she rises and crosses to ,haslam4 ,give me a cigaret1 ,bill1 will you8 ,,haslam4 ,priceless4 ,he complies4 ,,franklyn4 ,savvy has not lived long enough to have any manners1 ,mr ,lubin2 but that is where you stand with the younger generation4 ,dont smoke1 dear4 ,savvy1 with a shrug of rather mutinous resignation1 throws the cigaret into the fire4 ,haslam1 on the point of lighting one for himself1 changes his mind4 ,,lubin shrewd and serious ,mr ,barnabas3 ,i confess ,i am surprised2 and ,i will not pretend that ,i am convinced4 ,but ,i am open to conviction4 ,i may be wrong4 ,,burge in a burst of irony ,oh no4 ,impossible6 ,impossible6 ,,lubin4 ,yes1 ,mr ,barnabas1 though ,i do not possess ,burge's genius for being always wrong1 ,i have been in that position once or twice4 ,i could not conceal from you1 even if ,i wished to1 that my time has been so completely filled by my professional work as a lawyer1 and later on by my duties as leader of the ,house of ,commons in the days when ,prime ,ministers were also leaders-- ,,burge stung ,not to mention bridge and smart society4 ,,lubin4--not to mention the continual and trying effort to make ,burge behave himself1 that ,i have not been able to keep my academic reading up to date4 ,i have kept my classics brushed up out of sheer love for them2 but my economics and my science1 such as they were1 may possibly be a little rusty4 ,yet ,i think ,i may say that if you and your brother will be so good as to put me on the track of the necessary documents1 ,i will undertake to put the case to the ,house or to the country to your entire satisfaction4 ,you see1 as long as you can shew these troublesome half-educated people who want to turn the world upside down that they are talking nonsense1 it really does not matter very much whether you do it in terms of what ,miss ,barnabas calls obsolete rot or in terms of what her granddaughter will probably call unmitigated tosh4 ,i have no objection whatever to denounce ,karl ,marx4 ,anything ,i can say against ,darwin will please a large body of sincerely pious voters4 ,if it will be easier to carry on the business of the country on the understanding that the present state of things is to be called ,socialism1 ,i have no objection in the world to call it ,socialism4 ,there is the precedent of the ,emperor ,constantine1 who saved the society of his own day by agreeing to call his ,imperialism ,christianity4 ,mind3 ,i must not go ahead of the electorate4 ,you must not call a voter a ,socialist until-- ,,franklyn4 ,until he is a ,socialist4 ,agreed4 ,,lubin4 ,oh1 not at all4 ,you need not wait for that4 ,you must not call him a ,socialist until he wishes to be called a ,socialist3 that is all4 ,surely you would not say that ,i must not address my constituents as gentlemen until they are gentlemen4 ,i address them as gentlemen because they wish to be so addressed4 ,he rises from the sofa and goes to ,franklyn1 placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder4 ,do not be afraid of ,socialism1 ,mr ,barnabas4 ,you need not tremble for your property or your position or your dignity4 ,england will remain what ,england is1 no matter what new political names may come into vogue4 ,i do not intend to resist the transition to ,socialism4 ,you may depend on me to guide it1 to lead it1 to give suitable expression to its aspirations1 and to steer it clear of ,utopian absurdities4 ,i can honestly ask for your support on the most advanced ,socialist grounds no less than on the soundest ,liberal ones4 ,,burge4 ,in short1 ,lubin1 youre incorrigible4 ,you dont believe anything is going to change4 ,the millions are still to toil--the people--my people--for ,i am a man of the people-- ,,lubin interrupting him contemptuously ,dont be ridiculous1 ,burge4 ,you are a country solicitor1 further removed from the people1 more foreign to them1 more jealous of letting them up to your level1 than any duke or any archbishop4 ,,burge hotly ,i deny it4 ,you think ,i have never been poor4 ,you think ,i have never cleaned my own boots4 ,you think my fingers have never come out through the soles when ,i was cleaning them4 ,you think-- ,,lubin4 ,i think you fall into the very common mistake of supposing that it is poverty that makes the proletarian and money that makes the gentleman4 ,you are quite wrong4 ,you never belonged to the people3 you belonged to the impecunious4 ,impecuniosity and broken boots are the lot of the unsuccessful middle class1 and the commonplaces of the early struggles of the professional and younger son class4 ,i defy you to find a farm laborer in ,england with broken boots4 ,call a mechanic one of the poor1 and he'll punch your head4 ,when you talk to your constituents about the toiling millions1 they don't consider that you are referring to them4 ,they are all third cousins of somebody with a title or a park4 ,i am a ,yorkshireman1 my friend4 ,i know ,england2 and you don't4 ,if you did you would know-- ,,surge4 ,what do you know that ,i don't know8 ,,lubin4 ,i know that we are taking up too much of ,mr ,barnabas's time4 ,franklyn rises4 ,may ,i take it1 my dear ,barnabas1 that ,i may count on your support if we succeed in forcing an election before the new register is in full working order8 ,,surge rising also ,may the party count on your support8 ,i say nothing about myself4 ,can the party depend on you8 ,is there any question of yours that ,i have left unanswered8 ,,conrad4 ,we havnt asked you any1 you know4 ,,burge4 ,may ,i take that as a mark of confidence8 ,,conrad4 ,if ,i were a laborer in your constituency1 ,i should ask you a biological question8 ,,lubin4 ,no you wouldnt1 my dear ,doctor4 ,laborers never ask questions4 ,,burge4 ,ask it now4 ,i have never flinched from being heckled4 ,out with it4 ,is it about the land8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,surge4 ,is it about the ,church8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,burge4 ,is it about the ,house of ,lords8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,burge4 ,is it about ,proportional ,representation8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,surge4 ,is it about ,free ,trade8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,surge4 ,is it about the priest in the school8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,burge4 ,is it about ,ireland8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,burge4 ,is it about ,germany8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,burge4 ,well1 is it about ,republicanism8 ,come6 ,i wont flinch4 ,is it about the ,monarchy8 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,,surge4 ,well1 what the devil is it about1 then8 ,,conrad4 ,you understand that ,i am asking the question in the character of a laborer who earned thirteen shillings a week before the war and earns thirty now1 when he can get it8 ,,burge4 ,yes3 ,i understand that4 ,i am ready for you4 ,out with it4 ,,conrad4 ,and whom you propose to represent n parliament8 ,,surge4 ,yes1 yes1 yes4 ,come on4 ,,conrad4 ,the question is this4 ,would you allow your son to marry my daughter1 or your daughter to marry my son8 ,,burge taken aback ,oh1 come6 ,thats not a political question4 ,,conrad4 ,then1 as a biologist1 ,i don't take the slightest interest in your politics2 and ,i shall not walk across the street to vote for you or anyone else at the election4 ,good evening4 ,,lubin4 ,serve you right1 ,burge6 ,dr ,barnabas3 you have my assurance that my daughter shall marry the man of her choice1 whether he be lord or laborer4 ,may ,i count on your support8 ,,surge hurling the epithet at him ,humbug6 ,,savvy4 ,stop4 ,they all stop short in the movement of leave-taking to look at her4 ,daddy3 are you going to let them off like this8 ,how are they to know anything if nobody ever tells them8 ,if you don't1 ,i will4 ,,conrad4 ,you cant4 ,you didn't read my book2 and you know nothing about it4 ,you just hold your tongue4 ,,savvy4 ,i just wont1 ,nunk4 ,i shall have a vote when ,i am thirty2 and ,i ought to have it now4 ,why are these two ridiculous people to be allowed to come in and walk over us as if the world existed only to play their silly parliamentary game8 ,,franklyn severely ,savvy3 you really must not be uncivil to our guests4 ,,savvy4 ,i'm sorry4 ,but ,mr ,lubin didn't stand on much ceremony with me1 did he8 ,and ,mr ,burge hasnt addressed a single word to me4 ,i'm not going to stand it4 ,you and ,nunk have a much better program than either of them4 ,it's the only one we are going to vote for2 and they ought to be told about it for the credit of the family and the good of their own souls4 ,you just tip them a chapter from the gospel of the brothers ,barnabas1 ,daddy4 ,lubin and ,burge turn inquiringly to ,franklyn1 suspecting a move to form a new party4 ,,franklyn4 ,it is quite true1 ,mr ,lubin1 that ,i and my brother have a little program of our own which-- ,,conrad interrupting ,it's not a little program3 it's an almighty big one4 ,it's not our own3 it's the program of the whole of civilization4 ,,burge4 ,then why split the party before you have put it to us8 ,for ,god's sake let us have no more splits4 ,i am here to learn4 ,i am here to gather your opinions and represent them4 ,i invite you to put your views before me4 ,i offer myself to be heckled4 ,you have asked me only an absurd non-political question4 ,,franklyn4 ,candidly1 ,i fear our program will be thrown away on you4 ,it would not interest you4 ,,burge with challenging audacity ,try4 ,lubin can go if he likes2 but ,i am still open to new ideas1 if only ,i can find them4 ,,franklyn to ,lubin ,are you prepared to listen1 ,mr ,lubin2 or shall ,i thank you for your very kind and welcome visit1 and say good evening8 ,,lubin sitting down resignedly on the settee1 but involuntarily making a movement which looks like the stifling of a yawn ,with pleasure1 ,mr ,barnabas4 ,of course you know that before ,i can adopt any new plank in the party platform1 it will have to reach me through the ,national ,liberal ,federation1 which you can approach through your local ,liberal and ,radical ,association4 ,,franklyn4 ,i could recall to you several instances of the addition to your party program of measures of which no local branch of your ,federation had ever dreamt4 ,but ,i understand that you are not really interested4 ,i will spare you1 and drop the subject4 ,,lubin waking up a little ,you quite misunderstand me4 ,please do not take it in that way4 ,i only-- ,,burge talking him down ,never mind the ,federation3 ,i will answer for the ,federation4 ,go on1 ,barnabas3 go on4 ,never mind ,lubin he sits down in the chair from which ,lubin first displaced him4 ,,franklyn4 ,our program is only that the term of human life shall be extended to three hundred years4 ,,lubin softly ,eh8 ,,burge explosively ,what6 ,,savvy4 ,our election cry is ',back to ,methuselah6' ,,haslam4 ,priceless6 ,lubin and ,surge look at one another4 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,we are not mad4 ,,savvy4 ,theyre not joking either4 ,they mean it4 ,,lubin cautiously ,assuming that1 in some sense which ,i am for the moment unable to fathom1 you are in earnest1 ,mr ,barnabas1 may ,i ask what this has to do with politics8 ,,franklyn4 ,the connection is very evident4 ,you are now1 ,mr ,lubin1 within immediate reach of your seventieth year4 ,mr ,joyce ,surge is your junior by about eleven years4 ,you will go down to posterity as one of a ,european group of immature statesmen and monarchs who1 doing the very best for your respective countries of which you were capable1 succeeded in all-but-wrecking the civilization of ,europe1 and did1 in effect1 wipe out of existence many millions of its inhabitants4 ,,burge4 ,less than a million4 ,,franklyn4 ,that was our loss alone4 ,,burge4 ,oh1 if you count foreigners--6 ,,has ,,lam4 ,god counts foreigners1 you know4 ,,savvy with intense satisfaction ,well said1 ,bill4 ,,franklyn4 ,i am not blaming you4 ,your task was beyond human capacity4 ,what with our huge armaments1 our terrible engines of destruction1 our systems of coercion manned by an irresistible police1 you were called on to control powers so gigantic that one shudders at the thought of their being entrusted even to an infinitely experienced and benevolent ,god1 much less to mortal men whose whole life does not last a hundred years4 ,,burge4 ,we won the war3 don't forget that4 ,,franklyn4 ,no3 the soldiers and sailors won it1 and left you to finish it4 ,and you were so utterly incompetent that the multitudes of children slain by hunger in the first years of peace made us all wish we were at war again4 ,,conrad4 ,it's no use arguing about it4 ,it is now absolutely certain that the political and social problems raised by our civilization cannot be solved by mere human mushrooms who decay and die when they are just beginning to have a glimmer of the wisdom and knowledge needed for their own government4 ,,lubin4 ,quite an interesting idea1 ,doctor4 ,extravagant4 ,fantastic4 ,but quite interesting4 ,when ,i was young ,i used to feel my human limitations very acutely4 ,,burge4 ,god knows ,i have often felt that ,i could not go on if it had not been for the sense that ,i was only an instrument in the hands of a ,power above us4 ,,conrad4 ,i'm glad you both agree with us1 and with one another4 ,,lubin4 ,i have not gone so far as that1 ,i think4 ,after all1 we have had many very able political leaders even within your recollection and mine4 ,,franklyn4 ,have you read the recent biographies--,dilke's1 for instance--which revealed the truth about them8 ,,lubin4 ,i did not discover any new truth revealed in these books1 ,mr ,barnabas4 ,,franklyn4 ,what6 ,not the truth that ,england was governed all that time by a little woman who knew her own mind8 ,,savvy4 ,hear1 hear6 ,,lubin4 ,that often happens4 ,which woman do you mean8 ,,franklyn4 ,queen ,victoria1 to whom your ,prime ,ministers stood in the relation of naughty children whose heads she knocked together when their tempers and quarrels became intolerable4 ,within thirteen years of her death ,europe became a hell4 ,,surge4 ,quite true4 ,that was because she was piously brought up1 and regarded herself as an instrument4 ,if a statesman remembers that he is only an instrument1 and feels quite sure that he is rightly interpreting the divine purpose1 he will come out all right1 you know4 ,,franklyn4 ,the ,kaiser felt like that4 ,did he come out all right8 ,,surge4 ,well1 let us be fair1 even to the ,kaiser4 ,let us be fair4 ,,franklyn4 ,were you fair to him when you won an election on the program of hanging him8 ,,surge4 ,stuff6 ,i am the last man alive to hang anybody2 but the people wouldnt listen to reason4 ,besides1 ,i knew the ,dutch wouldnt give him up4 ,,savvy4 ,oh1 don't start arguing about poor old ,bill4 ,stick to our point4 ,let these two gentlemen settle the question for themselves4 ,mr ,burge3 do you think ,mr ,lubin is fit to govern ,england8 ,,surge4 ,no4 ,frankly1 ,i dont4 ,,lubin remonstrant ,really6 ,,conrad4 ,why8 ,,burge4 ,because he has no conscience3 thats why4 ,,lubin shocked and amazed ,oh6 ,,franklyn4 ,mr ,lubin3 do you consider ,joyce ,burge qualified to govern ,england8 ,,lubin with dignified emotion1 wounded1 but without bitterness ,excuse me1 ,mr ,barnabas2 but before ,i answer that question ,i want to say this4 ,burge3 we have had differences of opinion2 and your newspaper friends have said hard things of me4 ,but we worked together for years2 and ,i hope ,i have done nothing to justify you in the amazing accusation you have just brought against me4 ,do you realize that you said that ,i have no conscience8 ,,burge4 ,lubin3 ,i am very accessible to an appeal to my emotions2 and you are very cunning in making such appeals4 ,i will meet you to this extent4 ,i dont mean that you are a bad man4 ,i dont mean that ,i dislike you1 in spite of your continual attempts to discourage and depress me4 ,but you have a mind like a looking-glass4 ,you are very clear and smooth and lucid as to what is standing in front of you4 ,but you have no foresight and no hindsight4 ,you have no vision and no memory4 ,you have no continuity2 and a man without continuity can have neither conscience nor honor from one day to another4 ,the result is that you have always been a damned bad minister2 and you have sometimes been a damned bad friend4 ,now you can answer ,barnabas's question and take it out of me to your heart's content4 ,he asked you was ,i fit to govern ,england4 ,,lubin recovering himself ,after what has just passed ,i sincerely wish ,i could honestly say yes1 ,burge4 ,but it seems to me that you have condemned yourself out of your own mouth4 ,you represent something which has had far too much influence and popularity in this country since ,joseph ,chamberlain set the fashion2 and that is mere energy without intellect and without knowledge4 ,your mind is not a trained mind3 it has not been stored with the best information1 nor cultivated by intercourse with educated minds at any of our great seats of learning4 ,as ,i happen to have enjoyed that advantage1 it follows that you do not understand my mind4 ,candidly1 ,i think that disqualifies you4 ,the peace found out your weaknesses4 ,,burge4 ,oh6 ,what did it find out in you8 ,,lubin4 ,you and your newspaper confederates took the peace out of my hands4 ,the peace did not find me out because it did not find me in4 ,,franklyn4 ,come6 ,confess1 both of you6 ,you were only flies on the wheel4 ,the war went ,england's way2 but the peace went its own way1 and not ,england's way nor any of the ways you had so glibly appointed for it4 ,your peace treaty was a scrap of paper before the ink dried on it4 ,the statesmen of ,europe were incapable of governing ,europe4 ,what they needed was a couple of hundred years training and experience3 what they had actually had was a few years at the bar or in a counting-house or on the grouse moors and golf courses4 ,and now we are waiting1 with monster cannons trained on every city and seaport1 and huge aeroplanes ready to spring into the air and drop bombs every one of which will obliterate a whole street1 and poison gases that will strike multitudes dead with a breath1 until one of you gentlemen rises in his helplessness to tell us1 who are as helpless as himself1 that we are at war again4 ,,conrad4 ,aha6 ,what consolation will it be for us then that you two are able to tell off one another's defects so cleverly in your afternoon chat8 ,,burge angrily ,if you come to that1 what consolation will it be that you two can sit there and tell both of us off8 you1 who have had no responsibility6 you1 who havnt lifted a finger1 as far as ,i know1 to help us through this awful crisis which has left me ten years older than my proper age6 ,can you tell me a single thing you did to help us during the whole infernal business8 ,,conrad4 ,we're not blaming you3 you hadnt lived long enough4 ,no more had we4 ,cant you see that three-score-and-ten1 though it may be long enough for a very crude sort of village life1 isnt long enough for a complicated civilization like ours8 ,flinders ,petrie has counted nine attempts at civilization made by people exactly like us2 and every one of them failed just as ours is failing4 ,they failed because the citizens and statesmen died of old age or over-eating before they had grown out of schoolboy games and savage sports and cigars and champagne4 ,the signs of the end are always the same3 ,democracy1 ,socialism1 and ,votes for ,women4 ,we shall go to smash within the lifetime of men now living unless we recognize that we must live longer4 ,,lubin4 ,i am glad you agree with me that ,socialism and ,votes for ,women are signs of decay4 ,,franklyn4 ,not at all3 they are only the difficulties that overtax your capacity4 ,if you cannot organize ,socialism you cannot organize civilized life2 and you will relapse into barbarism accordingly4 ,,savvy4 ,hear1 hear6 ,,surge4 ,a useful point4 ,we cannot put back the clock4 ,,haslam4 ,i can4 ,ive often done it4 ,,lubin4 ,tut tut6 ,my dear ,burge3 what are you dreaming of8 ,mr ,barnabas3 ,i am a very patient man4 ,but will you tell me what earthly use or interest there is in a conclusion that cannot be realized8 ,i grant you that if we could live three hundred years we should all be1 perhaps wiser1 certainly older4 ,you will grant me in return1 ,i hope1 that if the sky fell we should all catch larks4 ,,franklyn4 ,your turn now1 ,conrad4 ,go ahead4 ,,conrad4 ,i don't think it's any good4 ,i don't think they want to live longer than usual4 ,,lubin4 ,although ,i am a mere child of #fi1 ,i am old enough to have lost1 the habit of crying for the moon4 ,,burge4 ,have you discovered the elixir of life or have you not8 ,if not1 ,i agree with ,lubin that you are wasting our time4 ,,conrad4 ,is your time of any value8 ,,surge unable to believe his ears ,my time of any value6 ,what do you mean8 ,,lubin smiling comfortably ,from your high scientific point of view1 ,i daresay1 none whatever1 ,professor4 ,in any case ,i think a little perfectly idle discussion would do ,burge good4 ,after all1 we might as well hear about the elixir of life as read novels1 or whatever ,burge does when he is not playing golf on ,walton ,heath4 ,what is your elixir1 ,dr ,barnabas8 ,lemons8 ,sour milk8 ,or what is the latest8 ,,surge4 ,we were just beginning to talk seriously2 and now you snatch at the chance of talking rot4 ,he rises4 ,good evening4 ,he turns to the door4 ,,conrad rudely ,die as soon as you like4 ,good evening4 ,,burge hesitating ,look here4 ,i took sour milk twice a day until ,metchnikoff died4 ,he thought it would keep him alive for ever2 and he died of it4 ,,conrad4 ,you might as well have taken sour beer4 ,,burge4 ,you believe in lemons8 ,,conrad4 ,i wouldn't eat a lemon for ten pounds4 ,,burge sitting down again ,what do you recommend8 ,,conrad rising with a gesture of despair ,whats the use of going on1 ,frank8 ,because ,i am a doctor1 and because they think ,i have a bottle to give them that will make them live for ever1 they are listening to me for the first time with their mouths open and their eyes shut4 ,thats their notion of science4 ,,savvy4 ,steady1 ,nunk6 ,hold the fort4 ,,conrad growls and sits down666 ,,lubin4 ,you volunteered the consultation1 ,doctor4 ,i may tell you that1 far from sharing the credulity as to science which is now the fashion1 ,i am prepared to demonstrate that during the last fifty years1 though the ,church has often been wrong1 and even the ,liberal ,party has not been infallible1 the men of science have always been wrong4 ,,conrad4 ,yes3 the fellows you call men of science4 ,the people who make money by it1 and their medical hangers-on4 ,but has anybody been right8 ,,lubin4 ,the poets and story tellers1 especially the classical poets and story tellers1 have been1 in the main1 right4 ,i will ask you not to repeat this as my opinion outside2 for the vote of the medical profession and its worshippers is not to be trifled with4 ,,franklyn4 ,you are quite right3 the poem is our real clue to biological science4 ,the most scientific document we possess at present is1 as your grandmother would have told you quite truly1 the story of the ,garden of ,eden4 ,,burge pricking up his ears ,whats that8 ,if you can establish that1 ,barnabas1 ,i am prepared to hear you out with my very best attention4 ,i am listening4 ,go on4 ,,franklyn4 ,well1 you remember1 don't you1 that in the ,garden of ,eden ,adam and ,eve were not created mortal1 and that natural death1 as we call it1 was not a part of life1 but a later and quite separate invention8 ,,surge4 ,now you mention it1 thats true4 ,death came afterwards4 ,,lubin4 ,what about accidental death8 ,that was always possible4 ,,franklyn4 ,precisely4 ,adam and ,eve were hung up between two frightful possibilities4 ,one was the extinction of mankind by their accidental death4 ,the other was the prospect of living for ever4 ,they could bear neither4 ,they decided that they would just take a short turn of a thousand years1 and meanwhile hand on their work to a new pair4 ,consequently1 they had to invent natural birth and natural death1 which are1 after all1 only modes of perpetuating life without putting on any single creature the terrible burden of immortality4 ,,lubin4 ,i see4 ,the old must make room for the new4 ,,surge4 ,death is nothing but making room4 ,thats all there is in it or ever has been in it4 ,,franklyn4 ,yes2 but the old must not desert their posts until the new are ripe for them4 ,they desert them now two hundred years too soon4 ,,savvy4 ,i believe the old people are the new people reincarnated1 ,nunk4 ,i suspect ,i am ,eve4 ,i am very fond of apples2 and they always disagree with me4 ,,conrad4 ,you are ,eve1 in a sense4 ,the ,eternal ,life persists2 only ,it wears out ,its bodies and minds and gets new ones1 like new clothes4 ,you are only a new hat and frock on ,eve4 ,,franklyn4 ,yes4 ,bodies and minds ever better and better fitted to carry out ,its eternal pursuit4 ,,lubin with quiet scepticism ,what pursuit1 may one ask1 ,mr ,barnabas8 ,,franklyn4 ,the pursuit of omnipotence and omniscience4 ,greater power and greater knowledge3 these are what we are all pursuing even at the risk of our lives and the sacrifice of our pleasures4 ,evolution is that pursuit and nothing else4 ,it is the path to godhead4 ,a man differs from a microbe only in being further on the path4 ,,lubin4 ,and how soon do you expect this modest end to be reached8 ,,franklyn4 ,never1 thank ,god6 ,as there is no limit to power and knowledge there can be no end4 ',the power and the glory1 world without end'3 have those words meant nothing to you8 ,,burge pulling out an old envelope ,i should like to make a note of that4 ,he does so4 ,,conrad4 ,there will always be something to live for4 ,,surge pocketing his envelope and becoming more and more businesslike ,right3 ,i have got that4 ,now what about sin8 ,what about the ,fall8 ,how do you work them in8 ,,conrad4 ,i don't work in the ,fall4 ,the ,fall is outside ,science4 ,but ,i daresay ,frank can work it in for you4 ,,surge to ,franklyn ,i wish you would1 you know4 ,it's important4 ,very important4 ,,franklyn4 ,well1 consider it this way4 ,it is clear that when ,adam and ,eve were immortal it was necessary that they should make the earth an extremely comfortable place to live in4 ,,burge4 ,true4 ,if you take a house on a ninety-nine years lease1 you spend a good deal of money on it4 ,if you take it for three months you generally have a bill for dilapidations to pay at the end of them4 ,,franklyn4 ,just so4 ,consequently1 when ,adam had the ,garden of ,eden on a lease for ever1 he took care to make it what the house agents call a highly desirable country residence4 ,but the moment he invented death1 and became a tenant for life only1 the place was no longer worth the trouble4 ,it was then that he let the thistles grow4 ,life was so short that it was no longer worth his while to do anything thoroughly well4 ,,burge4 ,do you think that is enough to constitute what an average elector would consider a ,fall8 ,is it tragic enough8 ,,franklyn4 ,that is only the first step of the ,fall4 ,adam did not fall down that step only3 he fell down a whole flight4 ,for instance1 before he invented birth he dared not have lost his temper2 for if he had killed ,eve he would have been lonely and barren to all eternity4 ,but when he invented birth1 and anyone who was killed could be replaced1 he could afford to let himself go4 ,he undoubtedly invented wife-beating2 and that was another step down4 ,one of his sons invented meat-eating4 ,the other was horrified at the innovation4 ,with the ferocity which is still characteristic of bulls and other vegetarians1 he slew his beefsteak-eating brother1 and thus invented murder4 ,that was a very steep step4 ,it was so exciting that all the others began to kill one another for sport1 and thus invented war1 the steepest step of all4 ,they even took to killing animals as a means of killing time1 and then1 of course1 ate them to save the long and difficult labor of agriculture4 ,i ask you to contemplate our fathers as they came crashing down all the steps of this ,jacob's ladder that reached from paradise to a hell on earth in which they had multiplied the chances of death from violence1 accident1 and disease until they could hardly count on three score and ten years of life1 much less the thousand that ,adam had been ready to face6 ,with that picture before you1 will you now ask me where was the ,fall8 ,you might as well stand at the foot of ,snowdon and ask me where is the mountain4 ,the very children see it so plainly that they compress its history into a two line epic3 ,old ,daddy ,long ,legs wouldn't say his prayers3 ,take him by the hind legs and throw him downstairs4 ,,lubin still immovably sceptical ,and what does ,science say to this fairy tale1 ,doctor ,barnabas8 ,surely ,science knows nothing of ,genesis1 or of ,adam and ,eve4 ,,conrad4 ,then it isnt ,science3 thats all4 ,science has to account for everything2 and everything includes the ,bible4 ,,franklyn4 ,the ,book of ,genesis is a part of nature like any other part of nature4 ,the fact that the tale of the ,garden of ,eden has survived and held the imagination of men spellbound for centuries1 whilst hundreds of much more plausible and amusing stories have gone out of fashion and perished like last year's popular song1 is a scientific fact2 and ,science is bound to explain it4 ,you tell me that ,science knows nothing of it4 ,then ,science is more ignorant than the children at any village school4 ,,conrad4 ,of course if you think it more scientific to say that what we are discussing is not ,adam and ,eve and ,eden1 but the phylogeny of the blastoderm-- ,,savvy4 ,you neednt swear1 ,nunk4 ,,conrad4 ,shut up1 you3 ,i am not swearing4 ,to ,lubin ,if you want the professional humbug of rewriting the ,bible in words of four syllables1 and pretending it's something new1 ,i can humbug you to your heart's content4 ,i can call ,genesis ,phylogenesis4 ,let the ,creator say1 if you like1 ',i will establish an antipathetic symbiosis between thee and the female1 and between thy blastoderm and her blastoderm4' ,nobody will understand you2 and ,savvy will think you are swearing4 ,the meaning is the same4 ,,haslam4 ,priceless4 ,but it's quite simple4 ,the one version is poetry3 the other is science4 ,,franklyn4 ,the one is classroom jargon3 the other is inspired human language4 ,,lubin calmly reminiscent ,one of the few modern authors into whom ,i have occasionally glanced is ,rousseau1 who was a sort of ,deist like ,burge-- ,,burge interrupting him forcibly ,lubin3 has this stupendously important communication which ,professor ,barnabas has just made to us3 a communication for which ,i shall be indebted to him all my life long3 has this1 ,i say1 no deeper effect on you than to set you pulling my leg by trying to make out that ,i am an infidel8 ,,lubin4 ,it's very interesting and amusing1 ,burge2 and ,i think ,i see a case in it4 ,i think ,i could undertake to argue it in an ecclesiastical court4 ,but important is hardly a word ,i should attach to it4 ,,burge4 ,good ,god6 ,here is this professor3 a man utterly removed from the turmoil of our political life3 devoted to pure learning in its most abstract phases2 and ,i solemnly declare he is the greatest politician1 the most inspired party leader1 in the kingdom4 ,i take off my hat to him4 ,i1 ,joyce ,burge1 give him best4 ,and you sit there purring like an ,angora cat1 and can see nothing in it6 ,,conrad opening his eyes widely ,hallo6 ,what have ,i done to deserve this tribute8 ,,surge4 ,done6 ,you have put the ,liberal ,party into power for the next thirty years1 ,doctor3 thats what you've done4 ,,conrad4 ,god forbid6 ,,burge4 ,it's all up with the ,church now4 ,thanks to you1 we go to the country with one cry and one only4 ,back to the ,bible6 ,think of the effect on the ,nonconformist vote4 ,you gather that in with one hand2 and you gather in the modern scientific sceptical professional vote with the other4 ,the village atheist and the first cornet in the local ,salvation ,army band meet on the village green and shake hands4 ,you take your school children1 your ,bible class under the ,cowper-,temple clause1 into the museum4 ,you shew the kids the ,piltdown skull2 and you say1 ',thats ,adam4 ,thats ,eve's husband4' ,you take the spectacled science student from the laboratory in ,owens ,college2 and when he asks you for a truly scientific history of ,evolution1 you put into his hand ,the ,pilgrim's ,progress4 ,you--,savvy and ,haslam explode into shrieks of merriment4 ,what are you two laughing at8 ,,savvy4 ,oh1 go on1 ,mr ,burge4 ,dont stop4 ,,haslam4 ,priceless6 ,,franklyn4 ,would thirty years of office for the ,liberal ,party seem so important to you1 ,mr ,burge1 if you had another two and a half centuries to live8 ,,burge decisively ,no4 ,you will have to drop that part of it4 ,the constituencies wont swallow it4 ,,lubin seriously ,i am not so sure of that1 ,burge4 ,i am not sure that it may not prove the only point they will swallow4 ,,burge4 ,it will be no use to us even if they do4 ,it's not a party point4 ,it's as good for the other side as for us4 ,,lubin4 ,not necessarily4 ,if we get in first with it1 it will be associated in the public mind with our party4 ,suppose ,i put it forward as a plank in our program that we advocate the extension of human life to three hundred years6 ,dunreen1 as leader of the opposite party1 will be bound to oppose me3 to denounce me as a visionary and so forth4 ,by doing so he will place himself in the position of wanting to rob the people of two hundred and thirty years of their natural life4 ,the ,unionists will become the party of ,premature ,death2 and we shall become the ,longevity party4 ,,burge shaken ,you really think the electorate would swallow it8 ,,lubin4 ,my dear ,burge3 is there anything the electorate will not swallow if it is judiciously put to them8 ,but we must make sure of our ground4 ,we must have the support of the men of science4 ,is there serious agreement among them1 ,doctor1 as to the possibility of such an evolution as you have described8 ,,conrad4 ,yes4 ,ever since the reaction against ,darwin set in at the beginning of the present century1 all scientific opinion worth counting has been converging rapidly upon ,creative ,evolution4 ,,franklyn4 ,poetry has been converging on it3 philosophy has been converging on it3 religion has been converging on it4 ,it is going to be the religion of the twentieth century3 a religion that has its intellectual roots in philosophy and science just as medieval ,christianity had its intellectual roots in ,aristotle4 ,,lubin4 ,but surely any change would be so extremely gradual that-- ,,conrad4 ,dont deceive yourself4 ,it's only the politicians who improve the world so gradually that nobody can see the improvement4 ,the notion that ,nature does not proceed by jumps is only one of the budget of plausible lies that we call classical education4 ,nature always proceeds by jumps4 ,she may spend twenty thousand years making up her mind to jump2 but when she makes it up at last1 the jump is big enough to take us into a new age4 ,,lubin impressed ,fancy my being leader of the party for the next three hundred years6 ,,burge4 ,what66 ,,lubin4 ,perhaps hard on some of the younger men4 ,i think in fairness ,i shall have to step aside to make room after another century or so3 that is1 if ,mimi can be persuaded to give up ,downing ,street4 ,,burge4 ,this is too much4 ,your colossal conceit blinds you to the most obvious necessity of the political situation4 ,,lubin4 ,you mean my retirement4 ,i really cannot see that it is a necessity4 ,i could not see it when ,i was almost an old man--or at least an elderly one4 ,now that it appears that ,i am a young man1 the case for it breaks down completely4 ,to ,conrad ,may ,i ask are there any alternative theories8 ,is there a scientific ,opposition8 ,,conrad4 ,well1 some authorities hold that the human race is a failure1 and that a new form of life1 better adapted to high civilization1 will supersede us as we have superseded the ape and the elephant4 ,,burge4 ,the superman3 eh6 ,,conrad4 ,no4 ,some being quite different from us4 ,,lubin4 ,is that altogether desirable8 ,,franklyn4 ,i fear so4 ,however that may be1 we may be quite sure of one thing4 ,we shall not be let alone4 ,the force behind evolution1 call it what you will1 is determined to solve the problem of civilization2 and if it cannot do it through us1 it will produce some more capable agents4 ,man is not ,god's last word3 ,god can still create4 ,if you cannot do ,his work ,he will produce some being who can4 ,,burge with zealous reverence ,what do we know about ,him1 ,barnabas8 ,what does anyone know about ,him8 ,,conrad4 ,we know this about ,him with absolute certainty4 ,the power my brother calls ,god proceeds by the method of ,trial and ,error2 and if we turn out to be one of the errors1 we shall go the way of the mastodon and the megatherium and all the other scrapped experiments4 ,,lubin rising and beginning to walk up and down the room with his considering cap on ,i admit that ,i am impressed1 gentlemen4 ,i will go so far as to say that your theory is likely to prove more interesting than ever ,welsh ,disestablishment was4 ,but as a practical politician--hm6 ,eh1 ,burge8 ,,conrad4 ,we are not practical politicians4 ,we are out to get something done4 ,practical politicians are people who have mastered the art of using parliament to prevent anything being done4 ,,franklyn4 ,when we get matured statesmen and citizens-- ,,lubin stopping short ,citizens6 ,oh6 ,are the citizens to live three hundred years as well as the statesmen8 ,,conrad4 ,of course4 ,,lubin4 ,i confess that had not occurred to me he sits down abruptly1 evidently very unfavorably affected by this new light4 ,savvy and ,haslam look at one another with unspeakable feelings4 ,,burge4 ,do you think it would be wise to go quite so far at first8 ,surely it would be more prudent to begin with the best men4 ,,franklyn4 ,you need not be anxious about that4 ,it will begin with the best men4 ,,lubin4 ,i am glad to hear you say so4 ,you see1 we must put this into a practical parliamentary shape4 ,,burge4 ,we shall have to draft a ,bill3 that is the long and the short of it4 ,until you have your ,bill drafted you don't know what you are really doing3 that is my experience4 ,,lubin4 ,quite so4 ,my idea is that whilst we should interest the electorate in this as a sort of religious aspiration and personal hope1 using it at the same time to remove their prejudices against those of us who are getting on in years1 it would be in the last degree upsetting and even dangerous to enable everyone to live longer than usual4 ,take the mere question of the manufacture of the specific1 whatever it may be6 ,there are forty millions of people in the country4 ,let me assume for the sake of illustration that each person would have to consume1 say1 five ounces a day of the elixir4 ,that would be--let me see--five times three hundred and sixty-five is--um--twenty-five--thirty-two--eightee n--eighteen hundred and twenty-five ounces a year3 just two ounces over the hundredweight4 ,,burge4 ,two million tons a year1 in round numbers1 of stuff that everyone would clamor for3 that men would trample down women and children in the streets to get at4 ,you couldnt produce it4 ,there would be blue murder4 ,it's out of the question4 ,we must keep the actual secret to ourselves4 ,,conrad staring at them ,the actual secret6 ,what on earth is the man talking about8 ,,burge4 ,the stuff4 ,the powder4 ,the bottle4 ,the tabloid4 ,whatever it is4 ,you said it wasnt lemons4 ,,conrad4 ,my good sir3 ,i have no powder1 no bottle1 no tabloid4 ,i am not a quack3 ,i am a biologist4 ,this is a thing thats going to happen4 ,,lubin completely let down ,going to happen6 ,oh6 ,is that all8 ,he looks at his watch4 ,,burge4 ,going to happen6 ,what do you mean8 ,do you mean that you cant make it happen8 ,,conrad4 ,no more than ,i could have made you happen4 ,,franklyn4 ,we can put it into men's heads that there is nothing to prevent its happening but their own will to die before their work is done1 and their own ignorance of the splendid work there is for them to do4 ,,conrad4 ,spread that knowledge and that conviction2 and as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow1 the thing will happen4 ,,franklyn4 ,we don't know where or when or to whom it will happen4 ,it may happen first to someone in this room4 ,,haslam4 ,it wont happen to me3 thats jolly sure4 ,,conrad4 ,it might happen to anyone4 ,it might happen to the parlor maid4 ,how do we know8 ,,savvy4 ,the parlor maid6 ,oh1 thats nonsense1 ,nunk4 ,,lubin once more quite comfortable ,i think ,miss ,savvy has delivered the final verdict4 ,,burge4 ,do you mean to say that you have nothing more practical to offer than the mere wish to live longer8 ,why1 if people could live by merely wishing to1 we should all be living for ever already6 ,everybody would like to live for ever4 ,why don't they8 ,,conrad4 ,pshaw6 ,everybody would like to have a million of money4 ,why havnt they8 ,because the men who would like to be millionaires wont save sixpence even with the chance of starvation staring them in the face4 ,the men who want to live for ever wont cut off a glass of beer or a pipe of tobacco1 though they believe the teetotallers and non-smokers live longer4 ,that sort of liking is not willing4 ,see what they do when they know they must4 ,,franklyn4 ,do not mistake mere idle fancies for the tremendous miracle-working force of ,will nerved to creation by a conviction of ,necessity4 ,i tell you men capable of such willing1 and realizing its necessity1 will do it reluctantly1 under inner compulsion1 as all great efforts are made4 ,they will hide what they are doing from themselves3 they will take care not to know what they are doing4 ,they will live three hundred years1 not because they would like to1 but because the soul deep down in them will know that they must1 if the world is to be saved4 ,,lubin turning to ,franklyn and patting him almost paternally ,well1 my dear ,barnabas1 for the last thirty years the post has brought me at least once a week a plan from some crank or other for the establishment of the millennium4 ,i think you are the maddest of all the cranks2 but you are much the most interesting4 ,i am conscious of a very curious mixture of relief and disappointment in finding that your plan is all moonshine1 and that you have nothing practical to offer us4 ,but what a pity6 ,it is such a fascinating idea6 ,i think you are too hard on us practical men2 but there are men in every ,government1 even on the ,front ,bench1 who deserve all you say4 ,and now1 before dropping the subject1 may ,i put just one question to you8 ,an idle question1 since nothing can come of it2 but still-- ,,franklyn4 ,ask your question4 ,,lubin4 ,why do you fix three hundred years as the exact figure8 ,,franklyn4 ,because we must fix some figure4 ,less would not be enough2 and more would be more than we dare as yet face4 ,,lubin4 ,pooh6 ,i am quite prepared to face three thousand1 not to say three million4 ,,conrad4 ,yes1 because you don't believe you ,will be called on to make good your word4 ,,franklyn gently ,also1 perhaps1 because you have never been troubled much by vision of the future4 ,,burge with intense conviction ,the future does not exist for ,henry ,hopkins ,lubin4 ,,lubin4 ,if by the future you mean the millennial delusions which you use as a bunch of carrots to lure the uneducated ,british donkey to the polling booth to vote for you1 it certainly does not4 ,,surge4 ,i can see the future not only because1 if ,i may say so in all humility1 ,i have been gifted with a certain power of spiritual vision1 but because ,i have practised as a solicitor4 ,a solicitor has to advise families4 ,he has to think of the future and know the past4 ,his office is the real modern confessional4 ,among other things he has to make people's wills for them4 ,he has to shew them how to provide for their daughters after their deaths4 ,has it occurred to you1 ,lubin1 that if you live three hundred years1 your daughters will have to wait a devilish long time for their money8 ,,franklyn4 ,the money may not wait for them4 ,few investments flourish for three hundred years4 ,,savvy4 ,and what about before your death8 ,suppose they didn't get married6 ,imagine a girl living at home with her mother and on her father for three hundred years6 ,theyd murder her if she didn't murder them first4 ,,lubin4 ,by the way1 ,barnabas1 is your daughter to keep her good looks all the time8 ,,franklyn4 ,will it matter8 ,can you conceive the most hardened flirt going on flirting for three centuries8 ,at the end of half the time we shall hardly notice whether it is a woman or a man we are speaking to4 ,,lubin not quite relishing this ascetic prospect ,hm6 ,he rises4 ,ah1 well3 you must come and tell my wife and my young people all about it2 and you will bring your daughter with you1 of course4 ,he shakes hands with ,savvy4 ,goodbye4 ,he shakes hands with ,franklyn4 ,goodbye1 ,doctor4 ,he shakes hands with ,conrad4 ,come on1 ,burge3 you must really tell me what line you are going to take about the ,church at the election8 ,,burge4 ,havnt you heard8 ,havnt you taken in the revelation that has been vouchsafed to us8 ,the line ,i am going to take is ,back to ,methuselah4 ,,lubin decisively ,dont be ridiculous1 ,burge4 ,you don't suppose1 do you1 that our friends here are in earnest1 or that our very pleasant conversation has had anything to do with practical politics6 ,they have just been pulling our legs very wittily4 ,come along4 ,he goes out1 ,franklyn politely going with him1 but shaking his head in mute protest4 ,,burge shaking ,conrad's hand ,it's beyond the old man1 ,doctor4 ,no spiritual side to him3 only a sort of classical side that goes down with his own set4 ,besides1 he's done1 gone1 past1 burnt out1 burst up2 thinks he is our leader and is only our rag and bottle department4 ,but you may depend on me4 ,i will work this stunt of yours in4 ,i see its value4 ,he begins moving towards the door with ,conrad4 ,of course ,i cant put it exactly in your way2 but you are quite right about our needing something fresh2 and ,i believe an election can be fought on the death rate and on ,adam and ,eve as scientific facts4 ,it will take the ,opposition right out of its depth4 ,and if we win there will be an ,o4,m4 for somebody when the first honors list comes round by this time he has talked himself out of the room and out of earshot1 ,conrad accompanying him4 ,savvy and ,haslam1 left alone1 seize each other in an ecstasy of amusement1 and jazz to the settee1 where they sit down again side by side4 ,,haslam caressing her ,darling6 what a priceless humbug old ,lubin is6 ,,savvy4 ,oh1 sweet old thing6 ,i love him4 ,burge is a flaming fraud if you like4 ,,haslam4 ,did you notice one thing8 ,it struck me as rather curious4 ,,savvy4 ,what8 ,,haslam4 ,lubin and your father have both survived the war4 ,but their sons were killed in it4 ,,savvy sobered ,yes4 ,jim's death killed mother4 ,,haslam4 ,and they never said a word about it6 ,,savvy4 ,well1 why should they8 ,the subject didn't come up4 ,i forgot about it too2 and ,i was very fond of ,jim4 ,,haslam4 ,i didn't forget it1 because ,i'm of military age2 and if ,i hadnt been a parson ,i'd have had to go out and be killed too4 ,to me the awful thing about their political incompetence was that they had to kill their own sons4 ,it was the war casualty lists and the starvation afterwards that finished me up with politics and the ,church and everything else except you4 ,,savvy4 ,oh1 ,i was just as bad as any of them4 ,i sold flags in the streets in my best clothes2 and--hsh6 she jumps up and pretends to be looking for a book on the shelves behind the settee4 ,franklyn and ,conrad return1 looking weary and glum4 ,,conrad4 ,well1 thats how the gospel of the brothers ,barnabas is going to be received6 ,he drops into ,burge's chair4 ,,franklyn going back to his seat at the table ,it's no use4 ,were you convinced1 ,mr ,haslam8 ,,haslam4 ,about our being able to live three hundred years8 ,frankly no4 ,,conrad to ,savvy ,nor you1 ,i suppose8 ,,savvy4 ,oh1 ,i don't know4 ,i thought ,i was for a moment4 ,i can believe1 in a sort of way1 that people might live for three hundred years4 ,but when you came down to tin tacks1 and said that the parlor maid might1 then ,i saw how absurd it was4 ,,franklyn4 ,just so4 ,we had better hold our tongues about it1 ,con4 ,we should only be laughed at1 and lose the little credit we earned on false pretences in the days of our ignorance4 ,,conrad4 ,i daresay4 ,but ,creative ,evolution doesnt stop while people are laughing4 ,laughing may even lubricate its job4 ,,savvy4 ,what does that mean8 ,,conrad4 ,it means that the first man to live three hundred years maynt have the slightest notion that he is going to do it1 and may be the loudest laugher of the lot4 ,,savvy4 ,or the first woman8 ,,conrad assenting ,or the first woman4 ,,haslam4 ,well1 it wont be one of us1 anyhow4 ,,franklyn4 ,how do you know8 ,this is unanswerable4 ,none of them have anything more to say4 ,,part ,,iii ,the ,thing ,happens ,a summer afternoon in the year #bagj ,a4,d4 ,the official parlor of the ,president of the ,british ,islands4 ,a board table1 long enough for three chairs at each side besides the presidential chair at the head and an ordinary chair at the foot1 occupies the breadth of the room4 ,on the table1 opposite every chair1 a small switchboard with a dial4 ,there is no fireplace4 ,the end wall is a silvery screen nearly as large as a pair of folding doors4 ,the door is on your left as you face the screen2 and there is a row of thick pegs1 padded and covered with velvet1 beside it4 ,a stoutish middle-aged man1 good-looking and breezily genial1 dressed in a silk smock1 stockings1 handsomely ornamented sandals1 and a gold fillet round his brows1 comes in4 ,he is like ,joyce ,burge1 yet also like ,lubin1 as if ,nature had made a composite photograph of the two men4 ,he takes off the fillet and hangs it on a peg2 then sits down in the presidential chair at the head of the table1 which is at the end farthest from the door4 ,he puts a peg into his switchboard2 turns the pointer on the dial2 puts another peg in2 and presses a button4 ,immediately the silvery screen vanishes2 and in its place appears1 in reverse from right to left1 another office similarly furnished1 with a thin1 unamiable man similarly dressed1 but in duller colors1 turning over some documents at the table4 ,his gold fillet is hanging up on a similar peg beside the door4 ,he is rather like ,conrad ,barnabas1 but younger1 and much more commonplace4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,hallo1 ,barnabas6 ,,barnabas without looking round ,what number8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,five double x three two gamma4 ,burge-,lubin4 ,barnabas puts a plug in number five2 turns his pointer to double x2 and another plug in #cb2 presses a button and looks round at ,burge-,lubin1 who is now visible to him as well as audible4 ,,barnabas curtly ,oh6 ,that you1 ,president8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes4 ,they told me you wanted me to ring you up4 ,anything wrong8 ,,barnabas harsh and querulous ,i wish to make a protest4 ,,burge-,,lubin good-humored and mocking ,what6 ,another protest6 ,whats wrong now8 ,,barnabas4 ,if you only knew all the protests ,i havnt made1 you would be surprised at my patience4 ,it is you who are always treating me with the grossest want of consideration4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what have ,i done now8 ,,barnabas4 ,you have put me down to go to the ,record ,office today to receive that ,american fellow1 and do the honors of a ridiculous cinema show4 ,that is not the business of the ,accountant ,general3 it is the business of the ,president4 ,it is an outrageous waste of my time1 and an unjustifiable shirking of your duty at my expense4 ,i refuse to go4 ,you must go4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,my dear boy1 nothing would give me greater pleasure than to take the job off your hands-- ,,barnabas4 ,then do it4 ,thats all ,i want he is about to switch off4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,dont switch off4 ,listen4 ,this ,american has invented a method of breathing under water4 ,,barnabas4 ,what do ,i care8 ,i don't want to breathe under water4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you may1 my dear ,barnabas1 at any time4 ,you know you never look where you are going when you are immersed in your calculations4 ,some day you will walk into the ,serpentine4 ,this man's invention may save your life4 ,,barnabas angrily ,will you tell me what that has to do with your putting your ceremonial duties on to my shoulders8 ,i will not be trifled he vanishes and is replaced by the blank screen-- ,,burge-,,lubin indignantly holding down his button ,dont cut us off1 please3 we have not finished4 ,i am the ,president1 speaking to the ,accountant ,general4 ,what are you dreaming of8 ,a ,,woman',s ,,voice4 ,sorry4 ,the screen shews ,barnabas as before4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,since you take it that way1 ,i will go in your place4 ,it's a pity1 because1 you see1 this ,american thinks you are the greatest living authority on the duration of human life2 and-- ,,barnabas interrupting ,the ,american thinks6 ,what do you mean8 ,i am the greatest living authority on the duration of human life4 ,who dares dispute it8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,nobody1 dear lad1 nobody4 ,dont fly out at me4 ,it is evident that you have not read the ,american's book4 ,,barnabas4 ,dont tell me that you have1 or that you have read any book except a novel for the last twenty years2 for ,i wont believe you4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,quite right1 dear old fellow3 ,i havnt read it4 ,but ,i have read what ,the ,times ,literary ,supplement says about it4 ,,barnabas4 ,i don't care two straws what it says about it4 ,does it say anything about me8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes4 ,,barnabas4 ,oh1 does it8 ,what8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,it points out that an extraordinary number of first-rate persons like you and me have died by drowning during the last two centuries1 and that when this invention of breathing under water takes effect1 your estimate of the average duration of human life will be upset4 ,,barnabas alarmed ,upset my estimate6 ,gracious ,heavens6 ,does the fool realize what that means8 ,do you realize what that means8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i suppose it means that we shall have to amend the ,act4 ,,barnabas4 ,amend my ,act6 ,monstrous6 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but we must4 ,we cant ask people to go on working until they are forty-three unless our figures are unchallengeable4 ,you know what a row there was over those last three years1 and how nearly the too-old-at-forty people won4 ,,barnabas4 ,they would have made the ,british ,islands bankrupt if theyd won4 ,but you dont care for that2 you care for nothing but being popular4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 well3 ,i shouldn't worry if ,i were you2 for most people complain that there is not enough work for them1 and would be only too glad to stick on instead of retiring at forty-three1 if only they were asked as a favor instead of having to4 ,,barnabas4 ,thank you3 ,i need no consolation4 ,he rises determinedly and puts on his fillet4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,are you off8 ,where are you going to8 ,,barnabas4 ,to that cinema tomfoolery1 of course4 ,i shall put this ,american impostor in his place4 ,he goes out4 ,,burge-,,lubin calling after him ,god bless you1 dear old chap6 ,with a chuckle1 he switches off2 and the screen becomes blank4 ,he presses a button and holds it down while he calls ,hallo6 ,a ,,woman',s ,,voice4 ,hallo6 ,,burge-,,lubin formally ,the ,president respectfully solicits the privilege of an interview with the ,chief ,secretary1 and holds himself entirely at his honor's august disposal4 ,a ,,chinese ,,voice4 ,he is coming4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh6 ,that you1 ,confucius8 ,so good of you4 ,come along he releases the button4 ,a man in a yellow gown1 presenting the general appearance of a ,chinese sage1 enters4 ,,burge-,,lubin jocularly ,well1 illustrious ,sage--,onions1 how are your poor sore feet8 ,,confucius gravely ,i thank you for your kind inquiries4 ,i am well4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,thats right4 ,sit down and make yourself comfortable4 ,any business for me today8 ,,confucius sitting down on the first chair round the corner of the table to the ,president's right ,none4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,have you heard the result of the bye-election8 ,,confucius4 ,a walk-over4 ,only one candidate4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,any good8 ,,confucius4 ,he was released from the ,county ,lunatic ,asylum a fortnight ago4 ,not mad enough for the lethal chamber3 not sane enough for any place but the division lobby4 ,a very popular speaker4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i wish the people would take a serious interest in politics4 ,,confucius4 ,i do not agree4 ,the ,englishman is not fitted by nature to understand politics4 ,ever since the public services have been manned by ,chinese1 the country has been well and honestly governed4 ,what more is needed8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what ,i cant make out is that ,china is one of the worst governed countries on earth4 ,,confucius4 ,no4 ,it was badly governed twenty years ago2 but since we forbade any ,chinaman to take part in our public services1 and imported natives of ,scotland for that purpose1 we have done well4 ,your information here is always twenty years out of date4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,people don't seem to be able to govern themselves4 ,i cant understand it4 ,why should it be so8 ,,confucius4 ,justice is impartiality4 ,only strangers are impartial4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,it ends in the public services being so good that the ,government has nothing to do but think4 ,,confucius4 ,were it otherwise1 the ,government would have too much to do to think4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,is that any excuse for the ,english people electing a parliament of lunatics8 ,,confucius4 ,the ,english people always did elect parliaments of lunatics4 ,what does it matter if your permanent officials are honest and competent8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you do not know the history of this country4 ,what would my ancestors have said to the menagerie of degenerates that is still called the ,house of ,commons8 ,confucius3 you will not believe me2 and ,i do not blame you for it2 but ,england once saved the liberties of the world by inventing parliamentary government1 which was her peculiar and supreme glory4 ,,confucius4 ,i know the history of your country perfectly well4 ,it proves the exact contrary4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,how do you make that out8 ,,confucius4 ,the only power your parliament ever had was the power of withholding supplies from the king4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,precisely4 ,that great ,englishman ,simon de ,montfort-- ,,confucius4 ,he was not an ,englishman3 he was a ,frenchman4 ,he imported parliaments from ,france4 ,,burge-,,lubin surprised ,you dont say so6 ,,confucius4 ,the king and his loyal subjects killed ,simon for forcing his ,french parliament on them4 ,the first thing ,british parliaments always did was to grant supplies to the king for life with enthusiastic expressions of loyalty1 lest they should have any real power1 and be expected to do something4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,look here1 ,confucius3 you know more history than ,i do1 of course2 but democracy-- ,,confucius4 ,an institution peculiar to ,china4 ,and it was never really a success there4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but the ,habeas ,corpus ,act6 ,,confucius4 ,the ,english always suspended it when it threatened to be of the slightest use4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 trial by jury3 you cant deny that we established that8 ,,confucius4 ,all cases that were dangerous to the governing classes were tried in the ,star ,chamber or by ,court ,martial1 except when the prisoner was not tried at all1 but executed after calling him names enough to make him unpopular4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 bother6 ,you may be right in these little details2 but in the large we have managed to hold our own as a great race4 ,well1 people who could do nothing couldnt have done that1 you know4 ,,confucius4 ,i did not say you could do nothing4 ,you could fight4 ,you could eat4 ,you could drink4 ,until the twentieth century you could produce children4 ,you could play games4 ,you could work when you were forced to4 ,but you could not govern yourselves4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,then how did we get our reputation as the pioneers of liberty8 ,,confucius4 ,by your steadfast refusal to be governed at all4 ,a horse that kicks everyone who tries to harness and guide him may be a pioneer of liberty2 but he is not a pioneer of government4 ,in ,china he would be shot4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,stuff6 ,do you imply that the administration of which ,i am president is no ,government8 ,,confucius4 ,i do4 ,i am the ,government4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you6 ,you66 ,you fat yellow lump of conceit6 ,,confucius4 ,only an ,englishman could be so ignorant of the nature of government as to suppose that a capable statesman cannot be fat1 yellow1 and conceited4 ,many ,englishmen are slim1 red-nosed1 and modest4 ,put them in my place1 and within a year you will be back in the anarchy and chaos of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 if you go back to the dark ages1 ,i have nothing more to say4 ,but we did not perish4 ,we extricated ourselves from that chaos4 ,we are now the best governed country in the world4 ,how did we manage that if we are such fools as you pretend8 ,,confucius4 ,you did not do it until the slaughter and ruin produced by your anarchy forced you at last to recognize two inexorable facts4 ,first1 that government is absolutely necessary to civilization1 and that you could not maintain civilization by merely doing down your neighbor1 as you called it1 and cutting off the head of your king whenever he happened to be a logical ,scot and tried to take his position seriously4 ,second1 that government is an art of which you are congenitally incapable4 ,accordingly1 you imported educated negresses and ,chinese to govern you4 ,since then you have done very well4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,so have you1 you old humbug4 ,all the same1 ,i don't know how you stand the work you do4 ,you seem to me positively to like public business4 ,why wont you let me take you down to the coast some week-end and teach you marine golf8 ,,confucius4 ,it does not interest me4 ,i am not a barbarian4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you mean that ,i am8 ,,confucius4 ,that is evident4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,how8 ,,confucius4 ,people like you4 ,they like cheerful goodnatured barbarians4 ,they have elected you ,president five times in succession4 ,they will elect you five times more4 ,i like you4 ,you are better company than a dog or a horse because you can speak4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,am ,i a barbarian because you like me8 ,,confucius4 ,surely4 ,nobody likes me3 ,i am held in awe4 ,capable persons are never liked4 ,i am not likeable2 but ,i am indispensable4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 cheer up1 old man3 theres nothing so disagreeable about you as all that4 ,i don't dislike you2 and if you think ,i'm afraid of you1 you jolly well don't know ,burge-,lubin3 thats all4 ,,confucius4 ,you are brave3 yes4 ,it is a form of stupidity4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you may not be brave3 one doesn't expect it from a ,chink4 ,but you have the devil's own cheek4 ,,confucius4 ,i have the assured certainty of the man who sees and knows4 ,your genial bluster1 your cheery self-confidence1 are pleasant1 like the open air4 ,but they are blind3 they are vain4 ,i seem to see a great dog wag his tail and bark joyously4 ,but if he leaves my heel he is lost4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,thank you for a handsome compliment4 ,i have a big dog2 and he is the best fellow ,i know4 ,if you knew how much uglier you are than a chow1 you wouldn't start those comparisons1 though4 ,rising ,well1 if you have nothing for me to do1 ,i am going to leave your heel for the rest of the day and enjoy myself4 ,what would you recommend me to do with myself8 ,,confucius4 ,give yourself up to contemplation2 and great thoughts will come to you4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,will they8 ,if you think ,i am going to sit here on a fine day like this with my legs crossed waiting for great thoughts1 you exaggerate my taste for them4 ,i prefer marine golf4 ,stopping short ,oh1 by the way1 ,i forgot something4 ,i have a word or two to say to the ,minister of health4 ,he goes back to his chair4 ,,confucius4 ,her number is-- ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i know it4 ,,confucius rising ,i cannot understand her attraction for you4 ,for me a woman who is not yellow does not exist1 save as an official4 ,he goes out4 ,burge-,lubin operates his switchboard as before4 ,the screen vanishes3 and a dainty room with a bed1 a wardrobe1 and a dressing-table with a mirror and a switch on it1 appears4 ,seated at it a handsome negress is trying on a brilliant head scarf4 ,her dressing-gown is thrown back from her shoulders to her chair4 ,she is in corset1 knickers1 and silk stockings4 ,,burge-,,lubin horrified ,i beg your pardon a thousand times--,the startled negress snatches the peg out of her switchboard and vanishes4 ,,the ,,negress',s ,,voice4 ,who is it8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,me4 ,the ,president4 ,burge-,lubin4 ,i had no idea your bedroom switch was in4 ,i beg your pardon4 ,the negress reappears4 ,she has pulled the dressing-gown perfunctorily over her shoulders1 and continues her experiments with the scarf1 not at all put out1 and rather amused by ,surge's prudery4 ,,the ,,negress4 ,stupid of me4 ,i was talking to another lady this morning2 and ,i left the peg in4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but ,i am so sorry4 ,,the ,,negress sunnily3 still busy with the scarf ,why8 ,it was my fault4 ,,burge-,,lubin embarrassed ,well--er--,but ,i suppose you were used to it in ,africa4 ,,the ,,negress4 ,your delicacy is very touching1 ,mr ,president4 ,it would be funny if it were not so unpleasant1 because1 like all white delicacy1 it is in the wrong place4 ,how do you think this suits my complexion8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,how can any really vivid color go wrong with a black satin skin8 ,it is our women's wretched pale faces that have to be matched and lighted4 ,yours is always right4 ,,the ,,negress4 ,yes3 it is a pity your white beauties have all the same ashy faces1 the same colorless drab1 the same age4 ,but look at their beautiful noses and little lips6 ,they are physically insipid3 they have no beauty3 you cannot love them2 but how elegant6 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,cant you find an official pretext for coming to see me8 ,isnt it ridiculous that we have never met8 ,it's so tantalizing to see you and talk to you1 and to know all the time that you are two hundred miles away1 and that ,i cant touch you8 ,,the ,,negress4 ,i cannot live on the ,east ,coast3 it is hard enough to keep my blood warm here4 ,besides1 my friend1 it would not be safe4 ,these distant flirtations are very charming2 and they teach self-control4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,damn self-control6 ,i want to hold you in my arms--to--the negress snatches out the peg from the switchboard and vanishes4 ,she is still heard laughing4 ,black devil6 ,he snatches out his peg furiously3 her laugh is no longer heard4 ,oh1 these sex episodes6 ,why can ,i not resist them8 ,disgraceful6 ,confucius returns4 ,,confucius4 ,i forgot4 ,there is something for you to do this morning4 ,you have to go to the ,record ,office to receive the ,american barbarian4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,confucius3 once for all1 ,i object to this ,chinese habit of describing white men as barbarians4 ,,confucius standing formally at the end of the table with his hands palm to palm ,i make a mental note that you do not wish the ,americans to be described as barbarians4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,not at all4 ,the ,americans are barbarians4 ,but we are not4 ,i suppose the particular barbarian you are speaking of is the ,american who has invented a means of breathing under water4 ,,confucius4 ,he says he has invented such a method4 ,for some reason which is not intelligible in ,china1 ,englishmen always believe any statement made by an ,american inventor1 especially one who has never invented anything4 ,therefore you believe this person and have given him a public reception4 ,today the ,record ,office is entertaining him with a display of the cinematographic records of all the eminent ,englishmen who have lost their lives by drowning since the cinema was invented4 ,why not go to see it if you are at a loss for something to do8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what earthly interest is there in looking at a moving picture of a lot of people merely because they were drowned8 ,if they had had any sense1 they would not have been drowned1 probably4 ,,confucius4 ,that is not so4 ,it has never been noticed before2 but the ,record ,office has just made two remarkable discoveries about the public men and women who have displayed extraordinary ability during the past century4 ,one is that they retained unusual youthfulness up to an advanced age4 ,the other is that they all met their death by drowning4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes3 ,i know4 ,can you explain it8 ,,confucius4 ,it cannot be explained4 ,it is not reasonable4 ,therefore ,i do not believe it4 ,the ,accountant ,general rushes in1 looking ghastly4 ,he staggers to the middle of the table4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,whats the matter8 ,are you ill8 ,,barnabas choking ,no4 ,i--he collapses into the middle chair4 ,i must speak to you in private4 ,confucius calmly withdraws4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what on earth is it8 ,have some oxygen4 ,,barnabas4 ,i have had some4 ,go to the ,record ,office4 ,you will see men fainting there again and again1 and being revived with oxygen1 as ,i have been4 ,they have seen with their own eyes as ,i have4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,seen what8 ,,barnabas4 ,seen the ,archbishop of ,york4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 why shouldn't they see the ,archbishop of ,york8 ,what are they fainting for8 ,has he been murdered8 ,,barnabas4 ,no3 he has been drowned4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,good ,god6 ,where8 ,when8 ,how8 ,poor fellow6 ,,barnabas4 ,poor fellow6 ,poor thief6 ,poor swindler6 ,poor robber of his country's ,exchequer6 ,poor fellow indeed6 ,wait til ,i catch him4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,how can you catch him when he is dead8 ,youre mad4 ,,barnabas4 ,dead6 ,who said he was dead8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you did4 ,drowned4 ,,barnabas exasperated ,will you listen to me8 ,was old ,archbishop ,haslam1 the present man's last predecessor but four1 drowned or not8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i don't know4 ,look him up in the ,encyclopedia ,britannica4 ,,barnabas4 ,yah6 ,was ,archbishop ,stickit1 who wrote ,stickit on the ,psalms1 drowned or not8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes1 mercifully4 ,he deserved it4 ,,barnabas4 ,was ,president ,dickenson drowned8 ,was ,general ,bullyboy drowned8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,who is denying it8 ,,barnabas4 ,well1 wave had moving pictures of all four put on the screen today for this ,american2 and they and the ,archbishop are the same man4 ,now tell me ,i am mad4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i do tell you you are mad4 ,stark raving mad4 ,,barnabas4 ,am ,i to believe my own eyes or am ,i not8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you can do as you please4 ,all ,i can tell you is that ,i don't believe your eyes if they cant see any difference between a live archbishop and two dead ones4 ,the apparatus rings1 he holds the button down4 ,yes8 ,,the ,,woman',s ,,voice4 ,the ,archbishop of ,york1 to see the ,president4 ,,barnabas hoarse with rage ,have him in4 ,i'll talk to the scoundrel4 ,,burge-,,lubin releasing the button ,not while you are in this state4 ,,barnabas reaching furiously for his button and holding it down ,send the ,archbishop in at once4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,if you lose your temper1 ,barnabas1 remember that we shall be two to one4 ,the ,archbishop enters4 ,he has a white band round his throat1 set in a black stock4 ,he wears a sort of kilt of black ribbons1 and soft black boots that button high up on his calves4 ,his costume does not differ otherwise from that of the ,president and the ,accountant ,general2 but its color scheme is black and white4 ,he is older than the ,reverend ,bill ,haslam was when he wooed ,miss ,savvy ,barnabas2 but he is recognizably the same man4 ,he does not look a day over fifty1 and is very well preserved even at that2 but his boyishness of manner is quite gone3 he now has complete authority and self-possession3 in fact the ,president is a little afraid of him2 and it seems quite natural and inevitable that he should speak fast4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,good day1 ,mr ,president4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,good day1 ,mr ,archbishop4 ,be seated4 ,,the ,,archbishop sitting down between them ,good day1 ,mr ,accountant ,general4 ,,barnabas malevolently ,good day to you4 ,i have a question to put to you1 if you don't mind4 ,,the ,,archbishop looking curiously at him1 jarred by his uncivil tone ,certainly4 ,what is it8 ,,barnabas4 ,what is your definition of a thief8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,rather an old-fashioned word1 is it not8 ,,barnabas4 ,it survives officially in my department4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,our departments are full of survivals4 ,look at my tie6 my apron6 my boots6 ,they are all mere survivals2 yet it seems that without them ,i cannot be a proper ,archbishop4 ,,barnabas4 ,indeed6 ,well1 in my department the word thief survives1 because in the community the thing thief survives4 ,and a very despicable and dishonorable thing he is1 too4 ,,the ,,archbishop coolly ,i daresay4 ,,barnabas4 ,in my department1 sir1 a thief is a person who lives longer than the statutory expectation of life entitles him to1 and goes on drawing public money when1 if he were an honest man1 he would be dead4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,then let me say1 sir1 that your department does not understand its own business4 ,if you have miscalculated the duration of human life1 that is not the fault of the persons whose longevity you have miscalculated4 ,and if they continue to work and produce1 they pay their way1 even if they live two or three centuries4 ,,barnabas4 ,i know nothing about their working and producing4 ,that is not the business of my department4 ,i am concerned with their expectation of life2 and ,i say that no man has any right to go on living and drawing money when he ought to be dead4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,you do not comprehend the relation between income and production4 ,,barnabas4 ,i understand my own department4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,that is not enough4 ,your department is part of a synthesis which embraces all the departments4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,synthesis6 ,this is an intellectual difficulty4 ,this is a job for ,confucius4 ,i heard him use that very word the other day2 and ,i wondered what the devil he meant4 ,switching on ,hallo6 ,put me through to the ,chief ,secretary4 ,,confucius',s ,,voice4 ,you are speaking to him4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,an intellectual difficulty1 old man4 ,something we don't understand4 ,come and help us out4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,may ,i ask how the question has arisen8 ,,barnabas4 ,ah6 ,you begin to smell a rat1 do you8 ,you thought yourself pretty safe4 ,you-- ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,steady1 ,barnabas4 ,dont be in a hurry4 ,confucius enters4 ,,the ,,archbishop rising ,good morning1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary4 ,,burge-,,lubin rising in instinctive imitation of the ,archbishop ,honor us by taking a seat1 ,o sage4 ,,confucius4 ,ceremony is needless4 ,he bows to the company1 and takes the chair at the foot of the table4 ,the ,president and the ,archbishop resume their seats4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,we wish to put a case to you1 ,confucius4 ,suppose a man1 instead of conforming to the official estimate of his expectation of life1 were to live for more than two centuries and a half1 would the ,accountant ,general be justified in calling him a thief8 ,,confucius4 ,no4 ,he would be justified in calling him a liar4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i think not1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary4 ,what do you suppose my age is8 ,,confucius4 ,fifty4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you don't look it4 ,forty-five2 and young for your age4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,my age is two hundred and eighty-three4 ,,barnabas morosely triumphant ,hmp6 ,mad1 am ,i8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,youre both mad4 ,excuse me1 ,archbishop2 but this is getting a bit--well-- ,,the ,,archbishop to ,confucius ,mr ,chief ,secretary3 will you1 to oblige me1 assume that ,i have lived nearly three centuries8 ,as a hypothesis8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what is a hypothesis8 ,,confucius4 ,it does not matter4 ,i understand4 ,to the ,archbishop ,am ,i to assume that you have lived in your ancestors1 or by metempsychosis-- ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,met--,emp--,sy--,good ,lord6 ,what a brain1 ,confucius6 ,what a brain6 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,nothing of that kind4 ,assume in the ordinary sense that ,i was born in the year #ahhg1 and that ,i have worked continuously in one profession or another since the year #aiaj4 ,am ,i a thief8 ,,confucius4 ,i do not know4 ,was that one of your professions8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,no4 ,i have been nothing worse than an ,archbishop1 a ,president1 and a ,general4 ,,barnabas4 ,has he or has he not robbed the ,exchequer by drawing five or six incomes when he was only entitled to one8 ,answer me that4 ,,confucius4 ,certainly not4 ,the hypothesis is that he has worked continuously since #aiaj4 ,we are now in the year #bagj4 ,what is the official lifetime8 ,,barnabas4 ,seventy-eight4 ,of course it's an average2 and we don't mind a man here and there going on to ninety1 or even1 as a curiosity1 becoming a centenarian4 ,but ,i say that a man who goes beyond that is a swindler4 ,,confucius4 ,seventy-eight into two hundred and eighty-three goes more than three and a half times4 ,your department owes the ,archbishop two and a half educations and three and a half retiring pensions4 ,,barnabas4 ,stuff6 ,how can that be8 ,,confucius4 ,at what age do your people begin to work for the community8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,three4 ,they do certain things every day when they are three4 ,just to break them in1 you know4 ,but they become self-supporting1 or nearly so1 at thirteen4 ,,confucius4 ,and at what age do they retire8 ,,barnabas4 ,forty-three4 ,,confucius4 ,that is1 they do thirty years' work2 and they receive maintenance and education1 without working1 for thirteen years of childhood and thirty-five years of superannuation1 forty-eight years in all1 for each thirty years' work4 ,the ,archbishop has given you #bfj years' work1 and has received only one education and no superannuation4 ,you therefore owe him over #cjj years of leisure and nearly eight educations4 ,you are thus heavily in his debt4 ,in other words1 he has effected an enormous national economy by living so long2 and you1 by living only seventy-eight years1 are profiting at his expense4 ,he is the benefactor3 you are the thief4 ,half rising ,may ,i now withdraw and return to my serious business1 as my own span is comparatively short8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,dont be in a hurry1 old chap4 ,confucius sits down again4 ,this hypothecary1 or whatever you call it1 is put up seriously4 ,i don't believe it2 but if the ,archbishop and the ,accountant ,general are going to insist that it's true1 we shall have either to lock them up or to see the thing through4 ,,barnabas4 ,it's no use trying these ,chinese subtleties on me4 ,i'm a plain man2 and though ,i don't understand metaphysics1 and don't believe in them1 ,i understand figures2 and if the ,archbishop is only entitled to seventy-eight years1 and he takes #bhc1 ,i say he takes more than he is entitled to4 ,get over that if you can4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i have not taken #bhc years3 ,i have taken #bc and given #bfj4 ,,confucius4 ,do your accounts shew a deficiency or a surplus8 ,,barnabas4 ,a surplus4 ,thats what ,i cant make out4 ,thats the artfulness of these people4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,that settles it4 ,whats the use of arguing8 ,the ,chink says you are wrong2 and theres an end of it4 ,,barnabas4 ,i say nothing against the ,chink's arguments4 ,but what about my facts8 ,,confucius4 ,if your facts include a case of a man living #bhc years1 ,i advise you to take a few weeks at the seaside4 ,,barnabas4 ,let there be an end of this hinting that ,i am out of my mind4 ,come and look at the cinema record4 ,i tell you this man is ,archbishop ,haslam1 ,archbishop ,stickit1 ,president ,dickenson1 ,general ,bullyboy and himself into the bargain2 all five of them4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i do not deny it4 ,i never have denied it4 ,nobody has ever asked me4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but damn it1 man--,i beg your pardon1 ,archbishop2 but really1 really-- ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,dont mention it4 ,what were you going to say8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 you were drowned four times over4 ,you are not a cat1 you know4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,that is very easy to understand4 ,consider my situation when ,i first made the amazing discovery that ,i was destined to live three hundred years6 ,i-- ,,confucius interrupting him ,pardon me4 ,such a discovery was impossible4 ,you have not made it yet4 ,you may live a million years if you have already lived two hundred4 ,there is no question of three hundred years4 ,you have made a slip at the very beginning of your fairy tale1 ,mr ,archbishop4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,good1 ,confucius6 ,to the ,archbishop ,he has you there4 ,i don't see how you can get over that4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,yes3 it is quite a good point4 ,but if the ,accountant ,general will go to the ,british ,museum library1 and search the catalogue1 he will find under his own name a curious and now forgotten book1 dated #aibd1 entitled ,the ,gospel of the ,brothers ,barnabas4 ,that gospel was that men must live three hundred years if civilization is to be saved4 ,it shewed that this extension of individual human life was possible1 and how it was likely to come about4 ,i married the daughter of one of the brothers4 ,,barnabas4 ,do you mean to say you claim to be a connection of mine8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i claim nothing4 ,as ,i have by this time perhaps three or four million cousins of one degree or another1 ,i have ceased to call on the family4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,gracious heavens6 ,four million relatives6 ,is that calculation correct1 ,confucius8 ,,confucius4 ,in ,china it might be forty millions if there were no checks on population4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,this is a staggerer4 ,it brings home to one--but recovering it isnt true1 you know4 ,let us keep sane4 ,,confucius to the ,archbishop ,you wish us to understand that the illustrious ancestors of the ,accountant ,general communicated to you a secret by which you could attain the age of three hundred years4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,no4 ,nothing of the kind4 ,they simply believed that mankind could live any length of time it knew to be absolutely necessary to save civilization from extinction4 ,i did not share their belief3 at least ,i was not conscious of sharing it3 ,i thought ,i was only amused by it4 ,to me my father-in-law and his brother were a pair of clever cranks who had talked one another into a fixed idea which had become a monomania with them4 ,it was not until ,i got into serious difficulties with the pension authorities after turning seventy that ,i began to suspect the truth4 ,,confucius4 ,the truth8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,yes1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary3 the truth4 ,like all revolutionary truths1 it began as a joke4 ,as ,i shewed no signs of ageing after forty-five1 my wife used to make fun of me by saying that ,i was certainly going to live three hundred years4 ,she was sixty-eight when she died2 and the last thing she said to me1 as ,i sat by her bedside holding her hand1 was ',bill3 you really don't look fifty4 ,i wonder--' ,she broke off1 and fell asleep wondering1 and never awoke4 ,then ,i began to wonder too4 ,that is the explanation of the three hundred years1 ,mr ,secretary4 ,,confucius4 ,it is very ingenious1 ,mr ,archbishop4 ,and very well told4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,of course you understand that ,i don't for a moment suggest the very faintest doubt of your absolute veracity1 ,archbishop4 ,you know that1 don't you8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,quite1 ,mr ,president4 ,only you don't believe me3 that is all4 ,i do not expect you to4 ,in your place ,i should not believe4 ,you had better have a look at the films4 ,pointing to the ,accountant ,general ,he believes4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but the drowning8 ,what about the drowning8 ,a man might get drowned once1 or even twice if he was exceptionally careless4 ,but he couldn't be drowned four times4 ,he would run away from water like a mad dog4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,perhaps ,mr ,chief ,secretary can guess the explanation of that4 ,,confucius4 ,to keep your secret1 you had to die4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but dash it all1 man1 he isn't dead4 ,,confucius4 ,it is socially impossible not to do what everybody else does4 ,one must die at the usual time4 ,,barnabas4 ,of course4 ,a simple point of honour4 ,,confucius4 ,not at all4 ,a simple necessity4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 ,i'm hanged if ,i see it4 ,i should jolly well live for ever if ,i could4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,it is not so easy as you think4 ,you1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary1 have grasped the difficulties of the position4 ,let me remind you1 ,mr ,president1 that ,i was over eighty before the #aifi ,act for the ,redistribution of ,income entitled me to a handsome retiring pension4 ,owing to my youthful appearance ,i was prosecuted for attempting to obtain public money on false pretences when ,i claimed it4 ,i could prove nothing2 for the register of my birth had been blown to pieces by a bomb dropped on a village church years before in the first of the big modern wars4 ,i was ordered back to work as a man of forty1 and had to work for fifteen years more1 the retiring age being then fifty-five4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,as late as fifty-five6 ,how did people stand it8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,they made difficulties about letting me go even then1 ,i still looked so young4 ,for some years ,i was in continual trouble4 ,the industrial police rounded me up again and again1 refusing to believe that ,i was over age4 ,they began to call me ,the ,wandering ,jew4 ,you see how impossible my position was4 ,i foresaw that in twenty years more my official record would prove me to be seventy-five2 my appearance would make it impossible to believe that ,i was more than forty-five2 and my real age would be one hundred and seventeen4 ,what was ,i to do8 ,bleach my hair8 ,hobble about on two sticks8 ,mimic the voice of a centenarian8 ,better have killed myself4 ,,barnabas4 ,you ought to have killed yourself4 ,as an honest man you were entitled to no more than an honest man's expectation of life4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i did kill myself4 ,it was quite easy4 ,i left a suit of clothes by the seashore during the bathing season1 with documents in the pockets to identify me4 ,i then turned up in a strange place1 pretending that ,i had lost my memory1 and did not know my name or my age or anything about myself4 ,under treatment ,i recovered my health1 but not my memory4 ,i have had several careers since ,i began this routine of life and death4 ,i have been an archbishop three times4 ,when ,i persuaded the authorities to knock down all our towns and rebuild them from the foundations1 or move them1 ,i went into the artillery1 and became a general4 ,i have been ,president4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,dickenson8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,yes4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but they found ,dickenson's body3 its ashes are buried in ,st ,paul's4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,they almost always found the body4 ,during the bathing season there are plenty of bodies4 ,i have been cremated again and again4 ,at first ,i used to attend my own funeral in disguise1 because ,i had read about a man doing that in an old romance by an author named ,bennett1 from whom ,i remember borrowing five pounds in #aiab4 ,but ,i got tired of that4 ,i would not cross the street now to read my latest epitaph4 ,the ,chief ,secretary and the ,president look very glum4 ,their incredulity is vanquished at last4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,look here4 ,do you chaps realize how awful this is8 ,here we are sitting calmly in the presence of a man whose death is overdue by two centuries4 ,he may crumble into dust before our eyes at any moment4 ,,barnabas4 ,not he4 ,he'll go on drawing his pension until the end of the world4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,not quite that4 ,my expectation of life is only three hundred years4 ,,barnabas4 ,you will last out my time anyhow3 that's enough for me4 ,,the ,,archbishop coolly ,how do you know8 ,,barnabas taken aback ,how do ,i know6 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,yes3 how do you know8 ,i did not begin even to suspect until ,i was nearly seventy4 ,i was only vain of my youthful appearance4 ,i was not quite serious about it until ,i was ninety4 ,even now ,i am not sure from one moment to another1 though ,i have given you my reason for thinking that ,i have quite unintentionally committed myself to a lifetime of three hundred years4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but how do you do it8 ,is it lemons8 ,is it ,soya beans8 ,is it-- ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i do not do it4 ,it happens4 ,it may happen to anyone4 ,it may happen to you4 ,,burge-,,lubin the full significance of this for himself dawning on him ,then we three may be in the same boat with you1 for all we know8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,you may4 ,therefore ,i advise you to be very careful how you take any step that will make my position uncomfortable4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 ,i'm dashed6 ,one of my secretaries was remarking only this morning how well and young ,i am looking4 ,barnabas3 ,i have an absolute conviction that ,i am one of the--the--shall ,i say one of the victims8--of this strange destiny4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,your great-great-great-great-great-great-gran dfather formed the same conviction when he was between sixty and seventy4 ,i knew him4 ,,burge-,,lubin depressed ,ah6 ,but he died4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,no4 ,,burge-,,lubin hopefully ,do you mean to say he is still alive8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,no4 ,he was shot4 ,under the influence of his belief that he was going to live three hundred years he became a changed man4 ,he began to tell people the truth2 and they disliked it so much that they took advantage of certain clauses of an ,act of ,parliament he had himself passed during the ,four ,years ,war1 and had purposely forgotten to repeal afterwards4 ,they took him to the ,tower of ,london and shot him4 ,the apparatus rings4 ,,confucius answering ,yes8 ,he listens4 ,a ,,woman',s ,,voice4 ,the ,domestic ,minister has called4 ,,burge-,,lubin not quite catching the answer ,who does she say has called8 ,,confucius4 ,the ,domestic ,minister4 ,,barnabas4 ,oh1 dash it6 ,that awful woman6 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,she certainly is a bit of a terror4 ,i don't exactly know why2 for she is not at all bad-looking4 ,,barnabas out of patience ,for ,heaven's sake1 don't be frivolous4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,he cannot help it1 ,mr ,accountant ,general4 ,three of his sixteen great-great-great-grandfathers married ,lubins4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,tut tut6 ,i am not frivolling4 ,i did not ask the lady here4 ,which of you did8 ,,confucius4 ,it is her official duty to report personally to the ,president once a quarter4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 that4 ,then ,i suppose it's my official duty to receive her4 ,theyd better send her in4 ,you don't mind1 do you8 ,she will bring us back to real life4 ,i don't know how you fellows feel2 but ,i'm just going dotty4 ,,confucius into the telephone ,the ,president will receive the ,domestic ,minister at once4 ,they watch the door in silence for the entrance of the ,domestic ,minister4 ,,burge-,,lubin suddenly1 to the ,archbishop ,i suppose you have been married over and over again4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,once4 ,you do not make vows until death when death is three hundred years off4 ,they relapse into uneasy silence4 ,the ,domestic ,minister enters4 ,she is a handsome woman1 apparently in the prime of life1 with elegant1 tense1 well held-up figure1 and the walk of a goddess4 ,her expression and deportment are grave1 swift1 decisive1 awful1 unanswerable4 ,she wears a ,dianesque tunic instead of a blouse1 and a silver coronet instead of a gold fillet4 ,her dress otherwise is not markedly different from that of the men1 who rise as she enters1 and incline their heads with instinctive awe4 ,she comes to the vacant chair between ,barnabas and ,confucius4 ,,burge-,,lubin resolutely genial and gallant ,delighted to see you1 ,mrs ,lutestring4 ,,confucius4 ,we are honored by your celestial presence4 ,,barnabas4 ,good day1 madam4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i have not had the pleasure of meeting you before4 ,i am the ,archbishop of ,york4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,surely we have met1 ,mr ,archbishop4 ,i remember your face4 ,we--she checks herself suddenly ,ah1 no3 ,i remember now3 it was someone else4 ,she sits down4 ,they all sit down4 ,,the ,,archbishop also puzzled ,are you sure you are mistaken8 ,i also have some association with your face1 ,mrs ,lutestring4 ,something like a door opening continually and revealing you4 ,and a smile of welcome when you recognized me4 ,did you ever open a door for me1 ,i wonder8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i often opened a door for the person you have just reminded me of4 ,but he has been dead many years4 ,the rest1 except the ,archbishop1 look at one another quickly4 ,,confucius4 ,may ,i ask how many years8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring struck by his tone1 looks at him for a moment with some displeasure2 then replies ,it does not matter4 ,a long time4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you mustnt rush to conclusions about the ,archbishop1 ,mrs ,lutestring4 ,he is an older bird than you think4 ,older than you1 at all events4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring with a melancholy smile ,i think not1 ,mr ,president4 ,but the subject is a delicate one4 ,i had rather not pursue it4 ,,confucius4 ,there is a question which has not been asked4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring very decisively ,if it is a question about my age1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary1 it had better not be asked4 ,all that concerns you about my personal affairs can be found in the books of the ,accountant ,general4 ,,confucius4 ,the question ,i was thinking of will not be addressed to you4 ,but let me say that your sensitiveness on the point is very strange1 coming from a woman so superior to all common weaknesses as we know you to be4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i may have reasons which have nothing to do with common weaknesses1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary4 ,i hope you will respect them4 ,,confucius after bowing to her in assent ,i will now put my question4 ,have you1 ,mr ,archbishop1 any ground for assuming1 as you seem to do1 that what has happened to you has not happened to other people as well8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes1 by ,george6 ,i never thought of that4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i have never met any case but my own4 ,,confucius4 ,how do you know8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,well1 no one has ever told me that they were in this extraordinary position4 ,,confucius4 ,that proves nothing4 ,did you ever tell anybody that you were in it8 ,you never told us4 ,why did you never tell us8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i am surprised at the question1 coming from so astute a mind as yours1 ,mr ,secretary4 ,when you reach the age ,i reached before ,i discovered what was happening to me1 ,i was old enough to know and fear the ferocious hatred with which human animals1 like all other animals1 turn upon any unhappy individual who has the misfortune to be unlike themselves in every respect3 to be unnatural1 as they call it4 ,you will still find1 among the tales of that twentieth-century classic1 ,wells1 a story of a race of men who grew twice as big as their fellows1 and another story of a man who fell into the hands of a race of blind men4 ,the big people had to fight the little people for their lives2 and the man with eyes would have had his eyes put out by the blind had he not fled to the desert1 where he perished miserably4 ,wells's teaching1 on that and other matters1 was not lost on me4 ,by the way1 he lent me five pounds once which ,i never repaid2 and it still troubles my conscience4 ,,confucius4 ,and were you the only reader of ,wells8 ,if there were others like you1 had they not the same reason for keeping the secret8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,that is true4 ,but ,i should know4 ,you short-lived people are so childish4 ,if ,i met a man of my own age ,i should recognize him at once4 ,i have never done so4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,would you recognize a woman of your age1 do you think8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i--,he stops and turns upon her with a searching look1 startled by the suggestion and the suspicion it rouses4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,what is your age1 ,mr ,archbishop8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,two hundred and eighty-three1 he says4 ,that is his little joke4 ,do you know1 ,mrs ,lutestring1 he had almost talked us into believing him when you came in and cleared the air with your robust common sense4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,do you really feel that1 ,mr ,president8 ,i hear the note of breezy assertion in your voice4 ,i miss the note of conviction4 ,,burge-,,lubin jumping up ,look here4 ,let us stop talking damned nonsense4 ,i don't wish to be disagreeable2 but it's getting on my nerves4 ,the best joke won't bear being pushed beyond a certain point4 ,that point has been reached4 ,i--,i'm rather busy this morning4 ,we all have our hands pretty full4 ,confucius here will tell you that ,i have a heavy day before me4 ,,barnabas4 ,have you anything more important than this thing1 if it's true8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 if if1 if it's true6 ,but it isn't true4 ,,barnabas4 ,have you anything at all to do8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,anything to do6 ,have you forgotten1 ,barnabas1 that ,i happen to be ,president1 and that the weight of the entire public business of this country is on my shoulders8 ,,barnabas4 ,has he anything to do1 ,confucius8 ,,confucius4 ,he has to be ,president4 ,,barnabas4 ,that means that he has nothing to do4 ,,burge-,,lubin sulkily ,very well1 ,barnabas4 ,go on making a fool of yourself4 ,he sits down4 ,go on4 ,,barnabas4 ,i am not going to leave this room until we get to the bottom of this swindle4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring turning with deadly gravity on the ,accountant ,general ,this what1 did you say8 ,,confucius4 ,these expressions cannot be sustained4 ,you obscure the discussion in using them4 ,,barnabas glad to escape from her gaze by addressing ,confucius ,well1 this unnatural horror4 ,will that satisfy you8 ,,confucius4 ,that is in order4 ,but we do not commit ourselves to the implications of the word horror4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,by the word horror the ,accountant ,general means only something unusual4 ,,confucius4 ,i notice that the honorable ,domestic ,minister1 on learning the advanced age of the venerable prelate1 shews no sign of surprise or incredulity4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,she doesn't take it seriously4 ,who would8 ,eh1 ,mrs ,lutestring8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i take it very seriously indeed1 ,mr ,president4 ,i see now that ,i was not mistaken at first4 ,i have met the ,archbishop before4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i felt sure of it4 ,this vision of a door opening to me1 and a woman's face welcoming me1 must be a reminiscence of something that really happened2 though ,i see it now as an angel opening the gate of heaven4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,or a parlor maid opening the door of the house of the young woman you were in love with8 ,,the ,,archbishop making a wry face ,is that the reality8 ,how these things grow in our imagination6 ,but may ,i say1 ,mrs ,lutestring1 that the transfiguration of a parlor maid to an angel is not more amazing than her transfiguration to the very dignified and able ,domestic ,minister ,i am addressing4 ,i recognize the angel in you4 ,frankly1 ,i do not recognize the parlor maid4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,whats a parlor maid8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,an extinct species4 ,a woman in a black dress and white apron1 who opened the house door when people knocked or rang1 and was either your tyrant or your slave4 ,i was a parlor maid in the house of one of the ,accountant ,general's remote ancestors4 ,to ,confucius ,you asked me my age1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary1 ,i am two hundred and seventy-four4 ,,burge-,,lubin gallantly ,you don't look it4 ,you really don't look it4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring turning her face gravely towards him ,look again1 ,mr ,president4 ,,burge-,,lubin looking at her bravely until the smile fades from his face1 and he suddenly covers his eyes with his hands ,yes3 you do look it4 ,i am convinced4 ,it's true4 ,now call up the ,lunatic ,asylum1 ,confucius2 and tell them to send an ambulance for me4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring to the ,archbishop ,why have you given away your secret8 our secret8 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,they found it out4 ,the cinema records betrayed me4 ,but ,i never dreamt that there were others4 ,did you8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i knew one other4 ,she was a cook4 ,she grew tired1 and killed herself4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,dear me6 ,however1 her death simplifies the situation1 as ,i have been able to convince these gentlemen that the matter had better go no further4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,what6 ,when the ,president knows6 ,it will be all over the place before the end of the week4 ,,burge-,,lubin injured ,really1 ,mrs ,lutestring6 ,you speak as if ,i were a notoriously indiscreet person4 ,barnabas3 have ,i such a reputation8 ,,barnabas resignedly ,it cant be helped4 ,it's constitutional4 ,,confucius4 ,it is utterly unconstitutional4 ,but1 as you say1 it cannot be helped4 ,,burge-,,lubin solemnly ,i deny that a secret of ,state has ever passed my lips--except perhaps to the ,minister of ,health1 who is discretion personified4 ,people think1 because she is a negress-- ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,it does not matter much now4 ,once1 it would have mattered a great deal4 ,but my children are all dead4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,yes3 the children must have been a terrible difficulty4 ,fortunately for me1 ,i had none4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,there was one daughter who was the child of my very heart4 ,some years after my first drowning ,i learnt that she had lost her sight4 ,i went to her4 ,she was an old woman of ninety-six1 blind4 ,she asked me to sit and talk with her because my voice was like the voice of her dead mother4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,the complications must be frightful4 ,really ,i hardly know whether ,i do want to live much longer than other people4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,you can always kill yourself1 as cook did2 but that was influenza4 ,long life is complicated1 and even terrible2 but it is glorious all the same4 ,i would no more change places with an ordinary woman than with a mayfly that lives only an hour4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,what set you thinking of it first8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,conrad ,barnabas's book4 ,your wife told me it was more wonderful than ,napoleon's ,book of ,fate and ,old ,moore's ,almanac1 which cook and ,i used to read4 ,i was very ignorant3 it did not seem so impossible to me as to an educated woman4 ,yet ,i forgot all about it1 and married and drudged as a poor man's wife1 and brought up children1 and looked twenty years older than ,i really was1 until one day1 long after my husband died and my children were out in the world working for themselves1 ,i noticed that ,i looked twenty years younger than ,i really was4 ,the truth came to me in a flash4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,an amazing moment4 ,your feelings must have been beyond description4 ,what was your first thought8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,pure terror4 ,i saw that the little money ,i had laid up would not last1 and that ,i must go out and3 work again4 ,they had things called ,old ,age ,pensions then3 miserable pittances for worn-out old laborers to die on4 ,i thought ,i should be found out if ,i went on drawing it too long4 ,the horror of facing another lifetime of drudgery1 of missing my hard-earned rest and losing my poor little savings1 drove everything else out of my mind4 ,you people nowadays can have no conception of the dread of poverty that hung over us then1 or of the utter tiredness of forty years' unending overwork and striving to make a shilling do the work of a pound4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i wonder you did not kill yourself4 ,i often wonder why the poor in those evil old times did not kill themselves4 ,they did not even kill other people4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,you never kill yourself1 because you always may as well wait until tomorrow4 ,and you have not energy or conviction enough to kill the others4 ,besides1 how can you blame them when you would do as they do if you were in their place8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,devilish poor consolation1 that4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,there were other consolations in those days for people like me4 ,we drank preparations of alcohol to relieve the strain of living and give us an artificial happiness4 ,,burge-,,lubin all together1 ,alcohol6 ,,confucius making ,pfff 4446 ,,barnabas wry faces ,disgusting4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,a little alcohol would improve your temper and manners1 and make you much easier to live with1 ,mr ,accountant ,general4 ,,burge-,,lubin laughing ,by ,george1 ,i believe you6 ,try it1 ,barnabas4 ,,confucius4 ,no4 ,try tea4 ,it is the more civilized poison of the two4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,you1 ,mr ,president1 were born intoxicated with your own well-fed natural exuberance4 ,you cannot imagine what alcohol was to an underfed poor woman4 ,i had carefully arranged my little savings so that ,i could get drunk1 as we called it1 once a week2 and my only pleasure was looking forward to that poor little debauch4 ,that is what saved me from suicide4 ,i could not bear to miss my next carouse4 ,but when ,i stopped working1 and lived on my pension1 the fatigue of my life's drudgery began to wear off1 because1 you see1 ,i was not really old4 ,i recuperated4 ,i looked younger and younger4 ,and at last ,i was rested enough to have courage and strength to begin life again4 ,besides1 political changes were making it easier3 life was a little better worth living for the nine-tenths of the people who used to be mere drudges4 ,after that1 ,i never turned back or faltered4 ,my only regret now is that ,i shall die when ,i am three hundred or thereabouts4 ,there was only one thing that made life hard2 and that is gone now4 ,,confucius4 ,may we ask what that was8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,perhaps you will be offended if ,i tell you4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,offended6 ,my dear lady1 do you suppose1 after such a stupendous revelation1 that anything short of a blow from a sledge-hammer could produce the smallest impression on any of us8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,well1 you see1 it has been so hard on me never to meet a grown-up person4 ,you are all such children4 ,and ,i never was very fond of children1 except that one girl who woke up the mother passion in me4 ,i have been very lonely sometimes4 ,,burge-,,lubin again gallant ,but surely1 ,mrs ,lutestring1 that has been your own fault4 ,if ,i may say so1 a lady of your attractions need never have been lonely4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,why8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,why6 ,well--4 ,well1 er--4 ,well1 er er--4 ,well6 he gives it up4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,he means that you might have married4 ,curious1 how little they understand our position4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i did marry4 ,i married again on my hundred and first birthday4 ,but of course ,i had to marry an elderly man3 a man over sixty4 ,he was a great painter4 ,on his deathbed he said to me ',it has taken me fifty years to learn my trade1 and to paint all the foolish pictures a man must paint and get rid of before he comes through them to the great things he ought to paint4 ,and now that my foot is at last on the threshold of the temple ,i find that it is also the threshold of my tomb4' ,that man would have been the greatest painter of all time if he could have lived as long as ,i4 ,i saw him die of old age whilst he was still1 as he said himself1 a gentleman amateur1 like all modern painters4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but why had you to marry an elderly man8 ,why not marry a young one8 or shall ,i say a middle-aged one8 ,if my own affections were not already engaged2 and if1 to tell the truth1 ,i were not a little afraid of you--for you are a very superior woman1 as we all acknowledge--,i should esteem myself happy in--er--er-- ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,mr ,president3 have you ever tried to take advantage of the innocence of a little child for the gratification of your senses8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,good ,heavens1 madam1 what do you take me for8 ,what right have you to ask me such a question8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i am at present in my two hundred and seventy-fifth year4 ,you suggest that ,i should take advantage of the innocence of a child of thirty1 and marry it4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,can you shortlived people not understand that as the confusion and immaturity and primitive animalism in which we live for the first hundred years of our life is worse in this matter of sex than in any other1 you are intolerable to us in that relation8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,do you mean to say1 ,mrs ,lutestring1 that you regard me as a child8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,do you expect me to regard you as a completed soul8 ,oh1 you may well be afraid of me4 ,there are moments when your levity1 your ingratitude1 your shallow jollity1 make my gorge rise so against you that if ,i could not remind myself that you are a child ,i should be tempted to doubt your right to live at all4 ,,confucius4 ,do you grudge us the few years we have8 you who have three hundred6 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you accuse me of levity6 ,must ,i remind you1 madam1 that ,i am the ,president1 and that you are only the head of a department8 ,,barnabas4 ,ingratitude too6 ,you draw a pension for three hundred years when we owe you only seventy-eight2 and you call us ungrateful6 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,i do4 ,when ,i think of the blessings that have been showered on you1 and contrast them with the poverty6 the humiliations6 the anxieties6 the heartbreak6 the insolence and tyranny that were the daily lot of mankind when ,i was learning to suffer instead of learning to live6 when ,i see how lightly you take it all6 how you quarrel over the crumpled leaves in your beds of roses6 how you are so dainty about your work that unless it is made either interesting or delightful to you you leave it to negresses and ,chinamen1 ,i ask myself whether even three hundred years of thought and experience can save you from being superseded by the ,power that created you and put you on your trial4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,my dear lady3 our ,chinese and colored friends are perfectly happy4 ,they are twenty times better off here than they would be in ,china or ,liberia4 ,they do their work admirably2 and in doing it they set us free for higher employments4 ,,the ,,archbishop who has caught the infection of her indignation ,what higher employments are you capable of8 you that are superannuated at seventy and dead at eighty6 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,you are not really doing higher work4 ,you are supposed to make the decisions and give the orders2 but the negresses and the ,chinese make up your minds for you and tell you what orders to give1 just as my brother1 who was a sergeant in the ,guards1 used to prompt his officers in the old days4 ,when ,i want to get anything done at the ,health ,ministry ,i do not come to you3 ,i go to the black lady who has been the real president during your present term of office1 or to ,confucius1 who goes on for ever while presidents come and presidents go4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,this is outrageous4 ,this is treason to the white race4 ,and let me tell you1 madam1 that ,i have never in my life met the ,minister of ,health1 and that ,i protest against the vulgar color prejudice which disparages her great ability and her eminent services to the ,state4 ,my relations with her are purely telephonic1 gramophonic1 photophonic1 and1 may ,i add1 platonic4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,there is no reason why you should be ashamed of them in any case1 ,mr ,president4 ,but let us look at the position impersonally4 ,can you deny that what is happening is that the ,english people have become a ,joint ,stock ,company admitting ,asiatics and ,africans as shareholders8 ,,barnabas4 ,nothing like it4 ,i know all about the old joint stock companies4 ,the shareholders did no work4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,that is true2 but we1 like them1 get our dividends whether we work or not4 ,we work partly because we know there would be no dividends if we did not1 and partly because if we refuse we are regarded as mentally deficient and put into a lethal chamber4 ,but what do we work at8 ,before the few changes we were forced to make by the revolutions that followed the ,four ,years ,war1 our governing classes had been so rich1 as it was called1 that they had become the most intellectually lazy and fat-headed people on the face of the earth4 ,there is a good deal of that fat still clinging to us4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,as ,president1 ,i must not listen to unpatriotic criticisms of our national character1 ,mr ,archbishop4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,as ,archbishop1 ,mr ,president1 it is my official duty to criticize the national character unsparingly4 ,at the canonization of ,saint ,henrik ,ibsen1 you yourself unveiled the monument to him which bears on its pedestal the noble inscription1 ',i came not to call sinners1 but the righteous1 to repentance4' ,the proof of what ,i say is that our routine work1 and what may be called our ornamental and figure-head work1 is being more and more sought after by the ,english2 whilst the thinking1 organizing1 calculating1 directing work is done by yellow brains1 brown brains1 and black brains1 just as it was done in my early days by ,jewish brains1 ,scottish brains1 ,italian brains1 ,german brains4 ,the only white men who still do serious work are those who1 like the ,accountant ,general1 have no capacity for enjoyment1 and no social gifts to make them welcome outside their offices4 ,,barnabas4 ,confound your impudence6 ,i had gifts enough to find you out1 anyhow4 ,,the ,,archbishop disregarding this outburst ,if you were to kill me as ,i stand here1 you would have to appoint an ,indian to succeed me4 ,i take precedence today not as an ,englishman1 but as a man with more than a century and a half of fully adult experience4 ,we are letting all the power slip into the hands of the colored people4 ,in another hundred years we shall be simply their household pets4 ,,burge-,,lubin reacting buoyantly ,not the least danger of it4 ,i grant you we leave the most troublesome part of the labor of the nation to them4 ,and a good job too3 why should we drudge at it8 ,but think of the activities of our leisure6 ,is there a jollier place on earth to live in than ,england out of office hours8 ,and to whom do we owe that8 ,to ourselves1 not to the niggers4 ,the nigger and the ,chink are all right from ,tuesday to ,friday2 but from ,friday to ,tuesday they are simply nowhere2 and the real life of ,england is from ,friday to ,tuesday4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,that is terribly true4 ,in devising brainless amusements2 in pursuing them with enormous vigor1 and taking them with eager seriousness1 our ,english people are the wonder of the world4 ,they always were4 ,and it is just as well2 for otherwise their sensuality would become morbid and destroy them4 ,what appals me is that their amusements should amuse them4 ,they are the amusements of boys and girls4 ,they are pardonable up to the age of fifty or sixty3 after that they are ridiculous4 ,i tell you1 what is wrong with us is that we are a non-adult race2 and the ,irish and the ,scots1 and the niggers and ,chinks1 as you call them1 though their lifetime is as short as ours1 or shorter1 yet do somehow contrive to grow up a little before they die4 ,we die in boyhood3 the maturity that should make us the greatest of all the nations lies beyond the grave for us4 ,either we shall go under as greybeards with golf clubs in our hands1 or we must will to live longer4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,yes3 that is it4 ,i could not have expressed it in words2 but you have expressed it for me4 ,i felt1 even when ,i was an ignorant domestic slave1 that we had the possibility of becoming a great nation within us2 but our faults and follies drove me to cynical hopelessness4 ,we all ended then like that4 ,it is the highest creatures who take the longest to mature1 and are the most helpless during their immaturity4 ,i know now that it took me a whole century to grow up4 ,i began my serious life when ,i was a hundred and twenty4 ,asiatics cannot control me3 ,i am not a child in their hands1 as you are1 ,mr ,president4 ,neither1 ,i am sure1 is the ,archbishop4 ,they respect me4 ,you are not grown up enough even for that1 though you were kind enough to say that ,i frighten you4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,honestly1 you do4 ,and will you think me very rude if ,i say that if ,i must choose between a white woman old enough to be my great-grandmother and a black woman of my own age1 ,i shall probably find the black woman more sympathetic8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,and more attractive in color1 perhaps8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes4 ,since you ask me1 more--well1 not more attractive3 ,i do not deny that you have an excellent appearance--but ,i will say1 richer4 ,more ,venetian4 ,tropical4 ',the shadowed livery of the burnished sun4' ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,our women1 and their favorite story writers1 begin already to talk about men with golden complexions4 ,,confucius expanding into a smile all across both face and body ,a-a-a-a-a-h6 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 what of it1 madam8 ,have you read a very interesting book by the librarian of the ,biological ,society suggesting that the future of the world lies with the ,mulatto8 ,,mrs ,,lutestring rising ,mr ,archbishop3 if the white race is to be saved1 our destiny is apparent4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,yes3 our duty is pretty clear4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,have you time to come home with me and discuss the matter8 ,,the ,,archbishop rising ,with pleasure4 ,,barnabas rising also and rushing past ,mrs ,lutestring to the door1 where he turns to bar her way ,no you don't4 ,burge3 you understand1 don't you8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,no4 ,what is it8 ,,barnabas4 ,these two are going to marry4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,why shouldn't they1 if they want to8 ,,barnabas4 ,they don't want to4 ,they will do it in cold blood because their children will live three hundred years4 ,it mustnt be allowed4 ,,confucius4 ,you cannot prevent it4 ,there is no law that gives you power to interfere with them4 ,,barnabas4 ,if they force me to it ,i will obtain legislation against marriages above the age of seventy-eight4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,there is not time for that before we are married1 ,mr ,accountant ,general4 ,be good enough to get out of the lady's way4 ,,barnabas4 ,there is time to send the lady to the lethal chamber before anything comes of your marriage4 ,dont forget that4 ,,mrs ,,lutestring4 ,what nonsense1 ,mr ,accountant ,general6 ,good afternoon1 ,mr ,president4 ,good afternoon1 ,mr ,chief ,secretary4 ,they rise and acknowledge her salutation with bows4 ,she walks straight at the ,accountant ,general1 who instinctively shrinks out of her way as she leaves the room4 ,,the ,,archbishop4 ,i am surprised at you1 ,mr ,barnabas4 ,your tone was like an echo from the ,dark ,ages4 ,he follows the ,domestic ,minister4 ,confucius1 shaking his head and clucking with his tongue in deprecation of this painful episode1 moves to the chair just vacated by the ,archbishop and stands behind it with folded palms1 looking at the ,president4 ,the ,accountant ,general shakes his fist after the departed visitors1 and bursts into savage abuse of them4 ,,barnabas4 ,thieves6 ,cursed thieves6 ,vampires6 ,what are you going to do1 ,burge8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,do8 ,,barnabas4 ,yes1 do4 ,there must be dozens of these people in existence4 ,are you going to let them do what the two who have just left us mean to do1 and crowd us off the face of the earth8 ,,burge-,,lubin sitting down ,oh1 come1 ,barnabas6 ,what harm are they doing8 ,arnt you interested in them8 ,dont you like them8 ,,barnabas4 ,like them6 ,i hate them4 ,they are monsters1 unnatural monsters4 ,they are poison to me4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what possible objection can there be to their living as long as they can8 ,it does not shorten our lives1 does it8 ,,barnabas4 ,if ,i have to die when ,i am seventy-eight1 ,i don't see why another man should be privileged to live to be two hundred and seventy-eight4 ,it does shorten my life1 relatively4 ,it makes us ridiculous4 ,if they grew to be twelve feet high they would make us all dwarfs4 ,they talked to us as if we were children4 ,there is no love lost between us3 their hatred of us came out soon enough4 ,you heard what the woman said1 and how the ,archbishop backed her up8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but what can we do to them8 ,,barnabas4 ,kill them4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,nonsense6 ,,barnabas4 ,lock them up4 ,sterilize them somehow1 anyhow4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but what reason could we give8 ,,barnabas4 ,what reason can you give for killing a snake8 ,nature tells you to do it4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,my dear ,barnabas1 you are out of your mind4 ,,barnabas4 ,havnt you said that once too often already this morning8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i don't believe you will carry a single soul with you4 ,,barnabas4 ,i understand4 ,i know you4 ,you think you are one of them4 ,,confucius4 ,mr ,accountant ,general3 you may be one of them4 ,,barnabas4 ,how dare you accuse me of such a thing8 ,i am an honest man1 not a monster4 ,i won my place in public life by demonstrating that the true expectation of human life is seventy-eight point six4 ,and ,i will resist any attempt to alter or upset it to the last drop of my blood if need be4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 tut tut6 ,come1 come6 ,pull yourself together4 ,how can you1 a descendant of the great ,conrad ,barnabas1 the man who is still remembered by his masterly ,biography of a ,black ,beetle1 be so absurd8 ,,barnabas4 ,you had better go and write the autobiography of a jackass4 ,i am going to raise the country against this horror1 and against you1 if you shew the slightest sign of weakness about it4 ,,confucius very impressively ,you will regret it if you do4 ,,barnabas4 ,what is to make me regret it8 ,,confucius4 ,every mortal man and woman in the community will begin to count on living for three centuries4 ,things will happen which you do not foresee3 terrible things4 ,the family will dissolve3 parents and children will be no longer the old and the young3 brothers and sisters will meet as strangers after a hundred years separation3 the ties of blood will lose their innocence4 ,the imaginations of men1 let loose over the possibilities of three centuries of life1 will drive them mad and wreck human society4 ,this discovery must be kept a dead secret4 ,he sits down4 ,,barnabas4 ,and if ,i refuse to keep the secret8 ,,confucius4 ,i shall have you safe in a lunatic asylum the day after you blab4 ,,barnabas4 ,you forget that ,i can produce the ,archbishop to prove my statement4 ,,confucius4 ,so can ,i4 ,which of us do you think he will support when ,i explain to him that your object in revealing his age is to get him killed8 ,,barnabas desperate ,burge3 are you going to back up this yellow abomination against me8 ,are we public men and members of the ,government8 or are we damned blackguards8 ,,confucius unmoved ,have you ever known a public man who was not what vituperative people called a damned blackguard when some inconsiderate person wanted to tell the public more than was good for it8 ,,barnabas4 ,hold your tongue1 you insolent heathen4 ,burge3 ,i spoke to you4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 you know1 my dear ,barnabas1 ,confucius is a very long-headed chap4 ,i see his point4 ,,barnabas4 ,do you8 ,then let me tell you that1 except officially1 ,i will never speak to you again4 ,do you hear8 ,,burge-,,lubin cheerfully ,you will4 ,you will4 ,,barnabas4 ,and don't you ever dare speak to me again4 ,do you hear8 ,he turns to the door4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i will4 ,i will4 ,goodbye1 ,barnabas4 ,god bless you4 ,,barnabas4 ,may you live forever1 and be the laughingstock of the whole world6 he dashes out in a fury4 ,,burge-,,lubin laughing indulgently ,he will keep the secret all right4 ,i know ,barnabas4 ,you neednt worry4 ,,confucius troubled and grave ,there are no secrets except the secrets that keep themselves4 ,consider4 ,there are those films at the ,record ,office4 ,we have no power to prevent the ,master of the ,records from publishing this discovery made in his department4 ,we cannot silence the ,american--who can silence an ,american8--nor the people who were there today to receive him4 ,fortunately1 a film can prove nothing but a resemblance4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,thats very true4 ,after all1 the whole thing is confounded nonsense1 isnt it8 ,,confucius raising his head to look at him ,you have decided not to believe it now that you realize its inconveniences4 ,that is the ,english method4 ,it may not work in this case4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,english be hanged6 ,it's common sense4 ,you know1 those two people got us hypnotized3 not a doubt of it4 ,they must have been kidding us4 ,they were1 werent they8 ,,confucius4 ,you looked into that woman's face2 and you believed4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,just so4 ,thats where she had me4 ,i shouldn't have believed her a bit if she'd turned her back to me4 ,,confucius shakes his head slowly and repeatedly888 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you really think--8 he hesitates4 ,,confucius4 ,the ,archbishop has always been a puzzle to me4 ,ever since ,i learnt to distinguish between one ,english face and another ,i have noticed what the woman pointed out3 that the ,english face is not an adult face1 just as the ,english mind is not an adult mind4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,stow it1 ,john ,chinaman4 ,if ever there was a race divinely appointed to take charge of the non-adult races and guide them and train them and keep them out of mischief until they grow up to be capable of adopting our institutions1 that race is the ,english race4 ,it is the only race in the world that has that characteristic4 ,now6 ,,confucius4 ,that is the fancy of a child nursing a doll4 ,but it is ten times more childish of you to dispute the highest compliment ever paid you4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you call it a compliment to class us as grown-up children4 ,,confucius4 ,not grown-up children1 children at fifty1 sixty1 seventy4 ,your maturity is so late that you never attain to it4 ,you have to be governed by races which are mature at forty4 ,that means that you are potentially the most highly developed race on earth1 and would be actually the greatest if you could live long enough to attain to maturity4 ,,burge-,,lubin grasping the idea at last ,by ,george1 ,confucius1 youre right6 ,i never thought of that4 ,that explains everything4 ,we are just a lot of schoolboys3 theres no denying it4 ,talk to an ,englishman about anything serious1 and he listens to you curiously for a moment just as he listens to a chap playing classical music4 ,then he goes back to his marine golf1 or motoring1 or flying1 or women1 just like a bit of stretched elastic when you let it go4 ,soaring to the height of his theme ,oh1 youre quite right4 ,we are only in our infancy4 ,i ought to be in a perambulator1 with a nurse shoving me along4 ,it's true3 it's absolutely true4 ,but some day we'll grow up2 and then1 by ,jingo1 we'll shew em4 ,,confucius4 ,the ,archbishop is an adult4 ,when ,i was a child ,i was dominated and intimidated by people whom ,i now know to have been weaker and sillier than ,i1 because there was some mysterious quality in their mere age that overawed me4 ,i confess that1 though ,i have kept up appearances1 ,i have always been afraid of the ,archbishop4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,between ourselves1 ,confucius1 so have ,i4 ,,confucius4 ,it is this that convinced me4 ,it was this in the woman's face that convinced you4 ,their new departure in the history of the race is no fraud4 ,it does not even surprise me4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,oh1 come6 ,not surprise you6 ,it's your pose never to be surprised at anything2 but if you are not surprised at this you are not human4 ,,confucius4 ,i am staggered1 just as a man may be staggered by an explosion for which he has himself laid the charge and lighted the fuse4 ,but ,i am not surprised1 because1 as a philosopher and a student of evolutionary biology1 ,i have come to regard some such development as this as inevitable4 ,if ,i had not thus prepared myself to be credulous1 no mere evidence of films and well-told tales would have persuaded me to believe4 ,as it is1 ,i do believe4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,well1 that being settled1 what the devil is to happen next8 ,whats the next move for us8 ,,confucius4 ,we do not make the next move4 ,the next move will be made by the ,archbishop and the woman4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,their marriage8 ,,confucius4 ,more than that4 ,they have made the momentous discovery that they are not alone in the world4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,you think there are others8 ,,confucius4 ,there must be many others4 ,each of them believes that he or she is the only one to whom the miracle has happened4 ,but the ,archbishop knows better now4 ,he will advertise in terms which only the longlived people will understand4 ,he will bring them together and organize them4 ,they will hasten from all parts of the earth4 ,they will become a great ,power4 ,,burge-,,lubin a little alarmed ,i say1 will they8 ,i suppose they will4 ,i wonder is ,barnabas right after all8 ,ought we to allow it8 ,,confucius4 ,nothing that we can do will stop it4 ,we cannot in our souls really want to stop it3 the vital force that has produced this change would paralyse our opposition to it1 if we were mad enough to oppose4 ,but we will not oppose4 ,you and ,i may be of the elect1 too4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes3 thats what gets us every time4 ,what the deuce ought we to do8 ,something must be done about it1 you know4 ,,confucius4 ,let us sit still1 and meditate in silence on the vistas before us4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,by ,george1 ,i believe youre right4 ,let us4 ,they sit meditating1 the ,chinaman naturally1 the ,president with visible effort and intensity4 ,he is positively glaring into the future when the voice of the ,negress is heard4 ,,the ,,negress4 ,mr ,president4 ,,burge-,,lubin joyfully ,yes4 ,taking up a peg ,are you at home8 ,,the ,,negress4 ,no4 ,omega1 zero1 x squared4 ,the ,president rapidly puts the peg in the switchboard2 works the dial2 and presses the button4 ,the screen becomes transparent2 and the ,negress1 brilliantly dressed1 appears on what looks like the bridge of a steam yacht in glorious sea weather4 ,the installation with which she is communicating is beside the binnacle4 ,,confucius looking round1 and recoiling with a shriek of disgust ,ach6 ,avaunt6 ,avaunt6 ,he rushes from the room4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,what part of the coast is that8 ,,the ,,negress4 ,fishguard ,bay4 ,why not run over and join me for the afternoon8 ,i am disposed to be approachable at last4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,but ,fishguard6 ,two hundred and seventy miles6 ,,the ,,negress4 ,there is a lightning express on the ,irish ,air ,service at half-past sixteen4 ,they will drop you by a parachute in the bay4 ,the dip will do you good4 ,i will pick you up and dry you and give you a first-rate time4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,delightful4 ,but a little risky1 isnt it8 ,,the ,,negress4 ,risky6 ,i thought you were afraid of nothing4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,i am not exactly afraid2 but-- ,,the ,,negress offended ,but you think it is not good enough4 ,very well she raises her hand to take the peg out of her switchboard4 ,,burge-,,lubin imploringly ,no3 stop3 let me explain3 hold the line just one moment4 ,oh1 please4 ,,the ,,negress waiting with her hand poised over the peg ,well8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,the fact is1 ,i have been behaving very recklessly for some time past under the impression that my life would be so short that it was not worth bothering about4 ,but ,i have just learnt that ,i may live--well1 much longer than ,i expected4 ,i am sure your good sense will tell you that this alters the case4 ,i-- ,,the ,,negress with suppressed rage ,oh1 quite4 ,pray don't risk your precious1 life on my account4 ,sorry for troubling you4 ,goodbye4 ,she snatches out her peg and vanishes4 ,,burge-,,lubin urgently ,no3 please hold on4 ,i can convince you--a loud buzz-uzz-uzz4 ,engaged6 ,who is she calling up now8 ,represses the button and calls ,the ,chief ,secretary4 ,say ,i want to see him again1 just for a moment4 ,,confucius',s ,,voice4 ,is the woman gone8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,yes1 yes3 it's all right4 ,just a moment1 if--,confucius returns ,confucius3 ,i have some important business at ,fishguard4 ,the ,irish ,air ,service can drop me in the bay by parachute4 ,i suppose it's quite safe1 isnt it8 ,,confucius4 ,nothing is quite safe4 ,the air service is as safe as any other travelling service4 ,the parachute is safe4 ,but the water is not safe4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,why8 ,they will give me an unsinkable tunic1 wont they8 ,,confucius4 ,you will not sink2 but the sea is very cold4 ,you may get rheumatism for life4 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,for life6 ,that settles it3 ,i wont risk it4 ,,confucius4 ,good4 ,you have at last become prudent3 you are no longer what you call a sportsman3 you are a sensible coward1 almost a grown-up man4 ,i congratulate you4 ,,burge-,,lubin resolutely ,coward or no coward1 ,i will not face an eternity of rheumatism for any woman that ever was born4 ,he rises and goes to the rack for his fillet ,i have changed my mind3 ,i am going home4 ,he cocks the fillet rakishly ,good evening4 ,,confucius4 ,so early8 ,if the ,minister of ,health rings you up1 what shall ,i tell her8 ,,burge-,,lubin4 ,tell her to go to the devil4 ,he goes out4 ,,confucius shaking his head1 shocked at the ,president's impoliteness ,no4 ,no1 no1 no1 no1 no4 ,oh1 these ,english6 these crude young civilizations6 ,their manners6 ,hogs4 ,hogs4 ,,part ,,iv ,tragedy of an ,elderly ,gentleman ,,act ,i ,burrin pier on the south shore of ,galway ,bay in ,ireland1 a region of stone-capped hills and granite fields4 ,it is a fine summer day in the year #cjjj ,a4,d4 ,on an ancient stone stump1 about three feet thick and three feet high1 used for securing ships by ropes to the shore1 and called a bollard or holdfast1 an elderly gentleman sits facing the land with his head bowed and his face in his hands1 sobbing4 ,his sunburnt skin contrasts with his white whiskers and eyebrows4 ,he wears a black frock-coat1 a white waistcoat1 lavender trousers1 a brilliant silk cravat with a jewelled pin stuck in it1 a tall hat of grey felt1 and patent leather boots with white spats4 ,his starched linen cuffs protrude from his coat sleeves2 and his collar1 also of starched white linen1 is ,gladstonian4 ,on his right1 three or four full sacks1 lying side by side on the flags1 suggest that the pier1 unlike many remote ,irish piers1 is occasionally useful as well as romantic4 ,on his left1 behind him1 a flight of stone steps descends out of sight to the sea level4 ,a woman in a silk tunic and sandals1 wearing little else except a cap with the number #b on it in gold1 comes up the steps from the sea1 and stares in astonishment at the sobbing man4 ,her age cannot be guessed3 her face is firm and chiselled like a young face2 but her expression is unyouthful in its severity and determination4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,what is the matter8 ,the elderly gentleman looks up2 hastily pulls himself together2 takes out a silk handkerchief and dries his tears lightly with a brave attempt to smile through them2 and tries to rise gallantly1 but sinks back4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,do you need assistance8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no4 ,thank you very much4 ,no4 ,nothing4 ,the heat4 ,he punctuates with sniffs1 and dabs with his handkerchief at his eyes and nose4 ,hay fever4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,you are a foreigner1 are you not8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no4 ,you must not regard me as a foreigner4 ,i am a ,briton4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,you come from some part of the ,british ,commonwealth8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman amiably pompous ,from its capital1 madam4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,from ,baghdad8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,yes4 ,you may not be aware1 madam1 that these islands were once the centre of the ,british ,commonwealth1 during a period now known as ,the ,exile4 ,they were its headquarters a thousand years ago4 ,few people know this interesting circumstance now2 but ,i assure you it is true4 ,i have come here on a pious pilgrimage to one of the numerous lands of my fathers4 ,we are of the same stock1 you and ,i4 ,blood is thicker than water4 ,we are cousins4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,i do not understand4 ,you say you have come here on a pious pilgrimage4 ,is that some new means of transport8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman again shewing signs of distress ,i find it very difficult to make myself understood here4 ,i was not referring to a machine1 but to a--a--a sentimental journey4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,i am afraid ,i am as much in the dark as before4 ,you said also that blood is thicker than water4 ,no doubt it is2 but what of it8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,its meaning is obvious4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,perfectly4 ,but ,i assure you ,i am quite aware that blood is thicker than water4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman sniffing3 almost in tears again ,we will leave it at that1 madam4 ,,the ,,woman going nearer to him and scrutinizing him with some concern ,i am afraid you are not well4 ,were you not warned that it is dangerous for shortlived people to come to this country8 ,there is a deadly disease called discouragement1 against which shortlived people have to take very strict precautions4 ,intercourse with us puts too great a strain on them4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman pulling himself together huffily ,it has no effect on me1 madam4 ,i fear my conversation does not interest you4 ,if not1 the remedy is in your own hands4 ,,the ,,woman looking at her hands1 and then looking inquiringly at him ,where8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman breaking down ,oh1 this is dreadful4 ,no understanding1 no intelligence1 no sympathy--his sobs choke him4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,you see1 you are ill4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman nerved by indignation ,i am not ill4 ,i have never had a day's illness in my life4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,may ,i advise you8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i have no need of a lady doctor1 thank you1 madam4 ,,the ,,woman shaking her head ,i am afraid ,i do not understand4 ,i said nothing about a butterfly4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,well1 ,i said nothing about a butterfly4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,you spoke of a lady doctor4 ,the word is known here only as the name of a butterfly4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman insanely ,i give up4 ,i can bear this no longer4 ,it is easier to go out of my mind at once4 ,he rises and dances about1 singing ,i'd be a butterfly1 born in a bower1 ,making apple dumplings without any flour4 ,,the ,,woman smiling gravely ,it must be at least a hundred and fifty years since ,i last laughed4 ,but if you do that any more ,i shall certainly break out like a primary of sixty4 ,your dress is so extraordinarily ridiculous4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman halting abruptly in his antics ,my dress ridiculous6 ,i may not be dressed like a ,foreign ,office clerk2 but my clothes are perfectly in fashion in my native metropolis1 where yours--pardon my saying so--would be considered extremely unusual and hardly decent4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,decent8 ,there is no such word in our language4 ,what does it mean8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,it would not be decent for me to explain4 ,decency cannot be discussed without indecency4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,i cannot understand you at all4 ,i fear you have not been observing the rules laid down for shortlived visitors4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,surely1 madam1 they do not apply to persons of my age and standing4 ,i am not a child1 nor an agricultural laborer4 ,,the ,,woman severely ,they apply to you very strictly4 ,you are expected to confine yourself to the society of children under sixty4 ,you are absolutely forbidden to approach fully adult natives under any circumstances4 ,you cannot converse with persons of my age for long without bringing on a dangerous attack of discouragement4 ,do you realize that you are already shewing grave symptoms of that very distressing and usually fatal complaint8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,certainly not1 madam4 ,i am fortunately in no danger of contracting it4 ,i am quite accustomed to converse intimately and at the greatest length with the most distinguished persons4 ,if you cannot discriminate between hay fever and imbecility1 ,i can only say that your advanced years carry with them the inevitable penalty of dotage4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,i am one of the guardians of this district2 and ,i am responsible for your welfare-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,the ,guardians6 ,do you take me for a pauper8 ,,the ,,woman4 ,i do not know what a pauper is4 ,you must tell me who you are1 if it is possible for you to express yourself intelligibly-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman snorts indignantly6 ,,the ,,woman continuing--and why you are wandering here alone without a nurse4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman outraged ,nurse6 ,,the ,,woman4 ,shortlived visitors are not allowed to go about here without nurses4 ,do you not know that rules are meant to be kept8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,by the lower classes1 no doubt4 ,but to persons in my position there are certain courtesies which are never denied by well-bred people2 and-- ,,the ,,woman4 ,there are only two human classes here3 the shortlived and the normal4 ,the rules apply to the shortlived1 and are for their own protection4 ,now tell me at once who you are4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman impressively ,madam1 ,i am a retired gentleman1 formerly ,chairman of the ,all-,british ,synthetic ,egg and ,vegetable ,cheese ,trust in ,baghdad1 and now ,president of the ,british ,historical and ,archaeological ,society1 and a ,vice-,president of the ,travellers' ,club4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,all that does not matter4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman again snorting ,hm6 ,indeed6 ,,the ,,woman4 ,have you been sent here to make your mind flexible8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,what an extraordinary question6 ,pray do you find my mind noticeably stiff8 ,,the ,,woman4 ,perhaps you do not know that you are on the west coast of ,ireland1 and that it is the practice among natives of the ,eastern ,island to spend some years here to acquire mental flexibility4 ,the climate has that effect4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman haughtily ,i was born1 not in the ,eastern ,island1 but1 thank ,god1 in dear old ,british ,baghdad2 and ,i am not in need of a mental health resort4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,then why are you here8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,am ,i trespassing8 ,i was not aware of it4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,trespassing8 ,i do not understand the word4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,is this land private property8 ,if so1 ,i make no claim4 ,i proffer a shilling in satisfaction of damage 7if any71 and am ready to withdraw if you will be good enough to shew me the nearest way4 ,he offers her a shilling4 ,,the ,,woman taking it and examining it without much interest ,i do not understand a single word of what you have just said4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i am speaking the plainest ,english4 ,are you the landlord8 ,,the ,,woman shaking her head ,there is a tradition in this part of the country of an animal with a name like that4 ,it used to be hunted and shot in the barbarous ages4 ,it is quite extinct now4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman breaking down again ,it is a dreadful thing to be in a country where nobody understands civilized institutions4 ,he collapses on the bollard1 struggling with his rising sobs4 ,excuse me4 ,hay fever4 ,,the ,,woman taking a tuning-fork from her girdle and holding it to her ear2 then speaking into space on one note1 like a chorister intoning a psalm ,burrin ,pier ,galway please send someone to take charge of a discouraged shortliver who has escaped from his nurse male harmless babbles unintelligibly with moments of sense distressed hysterical foreign dress very funny has curious fringe of white sea-weed under his chin4 ,,the ,,gentleman4 ,this is a gross impertinence4 ,an insult4 ,,the ,,woman replacing her tuning-fork and addressing the elderly gentleman ,these words mean nothing to me4 ,in what capacity are you here8 ,how did you obtain permission to visit us8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman importantly ,our ,prime ,minister1 ,mr ,badger ,bluebin1 has come to consult the oracle4 ,he is my son-in-law4 ,we are accompanied by his wife and daughter3 my daughter and granddaughter4 ,i may mention that ,general ,aufsteig1 who is one of our party1 is really the ,emperor of ,turania travelling incognito4 ,i understand he has a question to put to the oracle informally4 ,i have come solely to visit the country4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,why should you come to a place where you have no business8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,great ,heavens1 madam1 can anything be more natural8 ,i shall be the only member of the ,travellers' ,club who has set foot on these shores4 ,think of that6 ,my position will be unique4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,is that an advantage8 ,we have a person here who has lost both legs in an accident4 ,his position is unique4 ,but he would much rather be like everyone else4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,this is maddening4 ,there is no analogy whatever between the two cases4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,they are both unique4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,conversation in this place seems to consist of ridiculous quibbles4 ,i am heartily tired of them4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,i conclude that your ,travellers' ,club is an assembly of persons who wish to be able to say that they have been in some place where nobody else has been4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,of ,course if you wish to sneer at us-- ,,the ,,woman4 ,what is sneer8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman with a wild sob ,i shall drown myself4 ,he makes desperately for the edge of the pier1 but is confronted by a man with the number one on his cap1 who comes up the steps and intercepts him4 ,he is dressed like the woman1 but a slight moustache proclaims his sex4 ,,the ,,man to the elderly gentleman ,ah1 here you are4 ,i shall really have to put a collar and lead on you if you persist in giving me the slip like this4 ,,the ,,woman4 ,are you this stranger's nurse8 ,,the ,,man4 ,yes4 ,i am very tired of him4 ,if ,i take my eyes off him for a moment1 he runs away and talks to everybody4 ,,the ,,woman after taking out her tuning-fork and sounding it1 intones as before ,burrin ,pier4 ,wash out4 ,she puts up the fork1 and addresses the man4 ,i sent a call for someone to take care of him4 ,i have been trying to talk to him2 but ,i can understand very little of what he says4 ,you must take better care of him3 he is badly discouraged already4 ,if ,i can be of any further use1 ,fusima1 ,gort1 will find me4 ,she goes away4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,any further use6 ,she has been of no use to me4 ,she spoke to me without any introduction1 like any improper female4 ,and she has made off with my shilling4 ,,the ,,man4 ,please speak slowly4 ,i cannot follow4 ,what is a shilling8 ,what is an introduction8 ,improper female doesnt make sense4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,nothing seems to make sense here4 ,all ,i can tell you is that she was the most impenetrably stupid woman ,i have ever met in the whole course of my life4 ,,the ,,man4 ,that cannot be4 ,she cannot appear stupid to you4 ,she is a secondary1 and getting on for a tertiary at that4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,what is a tertiary8 ,everybody here keeps talking to me about primaries and secondaries and tertiaries as if people were geological strata4 ,,the ,,man4 ,the primaries are in their first century4 ,the secondaries are in their second century4 ,i am still classed as a primary he points to his number2 but ,i may almost call myself a secondary1 as ,i shall be ninety-five next ,january4 ,the tertiaries are in their third century4 ,did you not see the number two on her badge8 ,she is an advanced secondary4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,that accounts for it4 ,she is in her second childhood4 ,,the ,,man4 ,her second childhood6 ,she is in her fifth childhood4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman again resorting to the bollard ,oh6 ,i cannot bear these unnatural arrangements4 ,,the ,,man impatient and helpless ,you shouldn't have come among us4 ,this is no place for you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman nerved by indignation ,may ,i ask why8 ,i am a ,vice-,president of the ,travellers' ,club4 ,i have been everywhere3 ,i hold the record in the ,club for civilized countries4 ,,the ,,man4 ,what is a civilized country8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,it is--well1 it is a civilized country4 ,desperately ,i don't know3 ,i--,i--,i--,i shall go mad if you keep on asking me to tell you things that everybody knows4 ,countries where you can travel comfortably4 ,where there are good hotels4 ,excuse me2 but1 though you say you are ninety-four1 you are worse company than a child of five with your eternal questions4 ,why not call me ,daddy at once8 ,,the ,,man4 ,i did not know your name was ,daddy4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,my name is ,joseph ,popham ,bolge ,bluebin ,barlow1 ,o4,m4 ,,the ,,man4 ,that is five men's names4 ,daddy is shorter4 ,and ,o4,m4 will not do here4 ,it is our name for certain wild creatures1 descendants of the aboriginal inhabitants of this coast4 ,they used to be called the ,o',mulligans4 ,we will stick to ,daddy4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,people will think ,i am your father4 ,,the ,,man shocked ,sh-sh6 ,people here never allude to such relationships4 ,it is not quite delicate1 is it8 ,what does it matter whether you are my father or not8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,my worthy nonagenarian friend3 your faculties are totally decayed4 ,could you not find me a guide of my own age8 ,,the ,,man4 ,a young person8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,certainly not4 ,i cannot go about with a young person4 ,,the ,,man4 ,why8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,why6 ,why66 ,why666 ,have you no moral sense8 ,,the ,,man4 ,i shall have to give you up4 ,i cannot understand you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,but you meant a young woman1 didn't you8 ,,the ,,man4 ,i meant simply somebody of your own age4 ,what difference does it make whether the person is a man or a woman8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i could not have believed in the existence of such scandalous insensibility to the elementary decencies of human intercourse4 ,,the ,,man4 ,what are decencies8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman shrieking ,everyone asks me that4 ,,the ,,man taking out a tuning-fork and using it as the woman did ,zozim on ,burrin ,pier to ,zoo ,ennistymon ,i have found the discouraged shortliver he has been talking to a secondary and is much worse ,i am too old he is asking for someone of his own age or younger come if you can4 ,he puts up his fork and turns to the ,elderly ,gentleman4 ,zoo is a girl of fifty1 and rather childish at that4 ,so perhaps she may make you happy4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,make me happy6 ,a bluestocking of fifty6 ,thank you4 ,,the ,,man4 ,bluestocking8 ,the effort to make out your meaning is fatiguing4 ,besides1 you are talking too much to me3 ,i am old enough to discourage you4 ,let us be silent until ,zoo comes4 ,he turns his back on the ,elderly ,gentleman1 and sits down on the edge of the pier1 with his legs dangling over the water4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,certainly4 ,i have no wish to force my conversation on any man who does not desire it4 ,perhaps you would like to take a nap4 ,if so1 pray do not stand on ceremony4 ,,the ,,man4 ,what is a nap8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman exasperated1 going to him and speaking with great precision and distinctness ,a nap1 my friend1 is a brief period of sleep which overtakes superannuated persons when they endeavor to entertain unwelcome visitors or to listen to scientific lectures4 ,sleep4 ,sleep4 ,bawling into his ear ,sleep4 ,,the ,,man4 ,i tell you ,i am nearly a secondary4 ,i never sleep4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman awestruck ,good ,heavens6 ,a young woman with the number one on her cap arrives by land4 ,she looks no older than ,savvy ,barnabas1 whom she somewhat resembles1 looked a thousand years before4 ,younger1 if anything4 ,,the ,,young ,,woman4 ,is this the patient8 ,,the ,,man scrambling up ,this is ,zoo4 ,to ,zoo ,call him ,daddy4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman vehemently ,no4 ,,the ,,man ignoring the interruption ,bless you for taking him off my hands6 ,i have had as much of him as ,i can bear4 ,he goes down the steps and disappears4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman ironically taking off his hat and making a sweeping bow from the edge of the pier in the direction of the ,atlantic ,ocean ,good afternoon1 sir2 and thank you very much for your extraordinary politeness1 your exquisite consideration for my feelings1 your courtly manners4 ,thank you from the bottom of my heart4 ,clapping his hat on again ,pig6 ,ass6 ,,zoo laughs very heartily at him666 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman turning sharply on her ,good afternoon1 madam4 ,i am sorry to have had to put your friend in his place2 but ,i find that here as elsewhere it is necessary to assert myself if ,i am to be treated with proper consideration4 ,i had hoped that my position as a guest would protect me from insult4 ,,zoo4 ,putting my friend in his place4 ,that is some poetic expression1 is it not8 ,what does it mean8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,pray1 is there no one in these islands who understands plain ,english8 ,,zoo4 ,well1 nobody except the oracles4 ,they have to make a special historical study of what we call the dead thought4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,dead thought6 ,i have heard of the dead languages1 but never of the dead thought4 ,,zoo4 ,well1 thoughts die sooner than languages4 ,i understand your language2 but ,i do not always understand your thought4 ,the oracles will understand you perfectly4 ,have you had your consultation yet8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i did not come to consult the oracle1 madam4 ,i am here simply as a gentleman travelling for pleasure in the company of my daughter1 who is the wife of the ,british ,prime ,minister1 and of ,general ,aufsteig1 who1 ,i may tell you in confidence1 is really the ,emperor of ,turania1 the greatest military genius of the age4 ,,zoo4 ,why should you travel for pleasure6 ,can you not enjoy yourself at home8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i wish to see the ,world4 ,,zoo4 ,it is too big4 ,you can see a bit of it anywhere4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman out of patience ,damn it1 madam1 you don't want to spend your life looking at the same bit of it6 ,checking himself ,i beg your pardon for swearing in your presence4 ,,zoo4 ,oh6 ,that is swearing1 is it8 ,i have read about that4 ,it sounds quite pretty4 ,dammitmaddam1 dammitmaddam1 dammitmaddam1 dammitmaddam4 ,say it as often as you please3 ,i like it4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman expanding with intense relief ,bless you for those profane but familiar words6 ,thank you1 thank you4 ,for the first time since ,i landed in this terrible country ,i begin to feel at home4 ,the strain which was driving me mad relaxes3 ,i feel almost as if ,i were at the club4 ,excuse my taking the only available seat3 ,i am not so young as ,i was4 ,he sits on the bollard4 ,promise me that you will not hand me over to one of these dreadful tertiaries or secondaries or whatever you call them4 ,,zoo4 ,never fear4 ,they had no business to give you in charge to ,zozim4 ,you see he is just on the verge of becoming a secondary2 and these adolescents will give themselves the airs of tertiaries4 ,you naturally feel more at home with a flapper like me4 ,she makes herself comfortable on the sacks4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,flapper8 ,what does that mean8 ,,zoo4 ,it is an archaic word which we still use to describe a female who is no longer a girl and is not yet quite adult4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,a very agreeable age to associate with1 ,i find4 ,i am recovering rapidly4 ,i have a sense of blossoming like a flower4 ,may ,i ask your name8 ,,zoo4 ,zoo4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,miss ,zoo4 ,,zoo4 ,not ,miss ,zoo4 ,zoo4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,precisely4 ,er--,zoo what8 ,,zoo4 ,no4 ,not ,zoo ,what4 ,zoo4 ,nothing but ,zoo4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman puzzled ,mrs ,zoo1 perhaps4 ,,zoo4 ,no4 ,zoo4 ,cant you catch it8 ,zoo4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,of course4 ,believe me1 ,i did not really think you were married3 you are obviously too young2 but here it is so hard to feel sure--er-- ,,zoo hopelessly puzzled ,what8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,marriage makes a difference1 you know4 ,one can say things to a married lady that would perhaps be in questionable taste to anyone without that experience4 ,,zoo4 ,you are getting out of my depth3 ,i dont understand a word you are saying4 ,married and questionable taste convey nothing to me4 ,stop1 though4 ,is married an old form of the word mothered8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,very likely4 ,let us drop the subject4 ,pardon me for embarrassing you4 ,i should not have mentioned it4 ,,zoo4 ,what does embarrassing mean8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,well1 really6 ,i should have thought that so natural and common a condition would be understood as long as human nature lasted4 ,to embarrass is to bring a blush to the cheek4 ,,zoo4 ,what is a blush8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman amazed ,dont you blush888 ,,zoo4 ,never heard of it4 ,we have a word flush1 meaning a rush of blood to the skin4 ,i have noticed it in my babies1 but not after the age of two4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,your babies666 ,i fear ,i am treading on very delicate ground2 but your appearance is extremely youthful2 and if ,i may ask how many--8 ,,zoo4 ,only four as yet4 ,it is a long business with us4 ,i specialize in babies4 ,my first was such a success that they made me go on4 ,i-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman reeling on the bollard ,oh6 dear6 ,,zoo4 ,whats the matter8 ,anything wrong8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,in ,heaven's name1 madam1 how old are you8 ,,zoo4 ,fifty-six4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,my knees are trembling4 ,i fear ,i am really ill4 ,not so young as ,i was4 ,,zoo4 ,i noticed that you are not strong on your legs yet4 ,you have many of the ways and weaknesses of a baby4 ,no doubt that is why ,i feel called on to mother you4 ,you certainly are a very silly little ,daddy4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman stimulated by indignation ,my name1 ,i repeat1 is ,joseph ,popham ,bolge ,bluebin ,barlow1 ,o4,m4 ,,zoo4 ,what a ridiculously long name6 ,i cant call you all that4 ,what did your mother call you8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,you recall the bitterest struggles of my childhood4 ,i was sensitive on the point4 ,children suffer greatly from absurd nicknames4 ,my mother thoughtlessly called me ,iddy ,toodles4 ,i was called ,iddy until ,i went to school1 when ,i made my first stand for children's rights by insisting on being called at least ,joe4 ,at fifteen ,i refused to answer to anything shorter than ,joseph4 ,at eighteen ,i discovered that the name ,joseph was supposed to indicate an unmanly prudery because of some old story about a ,joseph who rejected the advances of his employer's wife3 very properly in my opinion4 ,i then became ,popham to my family and intimate friends1 and ,mister ,barlow to the rest of the world4 ,my mother slipped back into ,iddy when her faculties began to fail her1 poor woman2 but ,i could not resent that1 at her age4 ,,zoo4 ,do you mean to say that your mother bothered about you after you were ten8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,naturally1 madam4 ,she was my mother4 ,what would you have had her do8 ,,zoo4 ,go on to the next1 of course4 ,after eight or nine children become quite uninteresting1 except to themselves4 ,i shouldnt know my two eldest if ,i met them4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman again drooping ,i am dying4 ,let me die4 ,i wish to die4 ,,zoo going to him quickly and supporting him ,hold up4 ,sit up straight4 ,whats the matter8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman faintly ,my spine1 ,i think4 ,shock4 ,concussion4 ,,zoo maternally ,pow wow wow6 ,what is there to shock you8 ,shaking him playfully ,there6 ,sit up2 and be good4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman still feebly ,thank you4 ,i am better now4 ,,zoo resuming her seat on the sacks ,but what was all the rest of that long name for8 ,there was a lot more of it4 ,blops ,booby or something4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman impressively ,bolge ,bluebin1 madam3 a historical name4 ,let me inform you that ,i can trace my family back for more than a thousand years1 from the ,eastern ,empire to its ancient seat in these islands1 to a time when two of my ancestors1 ,joyce ,bolge and ,hengist ,horsa ,bluebin1 wrestled with one another for the prime ministership of the ,british ,empire1 and occupied that position successively with a glory of which we can in these degenerate days form but a faint conception4 ,when ,i think of these mighty men1 lions in war1 sages in peace1 not babblers and charlatans like the pigmies who now occupy their places in ,baghdad1 but strong silent men1 ruling an empire on which the sun never set1 my eyes fill with tears3 my heart bursts with emotion3 ,i feel that to have lived but to the dawn of manhood in their day1 and then died for them1 would have been a nobler and happier lot than the ignominious ease of my present longevity4 ,,zoo4 ,longevity6 she laughs4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,yes1 madam1 relative longevity4 ,as it is1 ,i have to be content and proud to know that ,i am descended from both those heroes4 ,,zoo4 ,you must be descended from every ,briton who was alive in their time4 ,dont you know that8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,do not quibble1 madam4 ,i bear their names1 ,bolge and ,bluebin2 and ,i hope ,i have inherited something of their majestic spirit4 ,well1 they were born in these islands4 ,i repeat1 these islands were then1 incredible as it now seems1 the centre of the ,british ,empire4 ,when that centre shifted to ,baghdad1 and the ,englishman at last returned to the true cradle of his race in ,mesopotamia1 the western islands were cast off1 as they had been before by the ,roman ,empire4 ,but it was to the ,british race1 and in these islands1 that the greatest miracle in history occurred4 ,,zoo4 ,miracle8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,yes3 the first man to live three hundred years was an ,englishman4 ,the first1 that is1 since the contemporaries of ,methuselah4 ,,zoo4 ,oh1 that6 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,yes1 that1 as you call it so flippantly4 ,are you aware1 madam1 that at that immortal moment the ,english race had lost intellectual credit to such an extent that they habitually spoke of one another as fatheads8 ,yet ,england is now a sacred grove to which statesmen from all over the earth come to consult ,english sages who speak with the experience of two and a half centuries of life4 ,the land that once exported cotton shirts and hardware now exports nothing but wisdom4 ,you see before you1 madam1 a man utterly weary of the week-end riverside hotels of the ,euphrates1 the minstrels and pierrots on the sands of the ,persian ,gulf1 the toboggans and funiculars of the ,hindoo ,koosh4 ,can you wonder that ,i turn1 with a hungry heart1 to the mystery and beauty of these haunted islands1 thronged with spectres from a magic past1 made holy by the footsteps of the wise men of the ,west4 ,consider this island on which we stand1 the last foothold of man on this side of the ,atlantic3 this ,ireland1 described by the earliest bards as an emerald gem set in a silver sea6 ,can ,i1 a scion of the illustrious ,british race1 ever forget that when the ,empire transferred its seat to the ,east1 and said to the turbulent ,irish race which it had oppressed but never conquered1 ',at last we leave you to yourselves2 and much good may it do you1' the ,irish as one man uttered the historic shout ',no3 we'll be damned if you do1' and emigrated to the countries where there was still a ,nationalist question1 to ,india1 ,persia1 and ,corea1 to ,morocco1 ,tunis1 and ,tripoli4 ,in these countries they were ever foremost in the struggle for national independence2 and the world rang continually with the story of their sufferings and wrongs4 ,and what poem can do justice to the end1 when it came at last8 ,hardly two hundred years had elapsed when the claims of nationality were so universally conceded that there was no longer a single country on the face of the earth with a national grievance or a national movement4 ,think of the position of the ,irish1 who had lost all their political faculties by disuse except that of nationalist agitation1 and who owed their position as the most interesting race on earth solely to their sufferings6 ,the very countries they had helped to set free boycotted them as intolerable bores4 ,the communities which had once idolized them as the incarnation of all that is adorable in the warm heart and witty brain1 fled from them as from a pestilence4 ,to regain their lost prestige1 the ,irish claimed the city of ,jerusalem1 on the ground that they were the lost tribes of ,israel2 but on their approach the ,jews abandoned the city and redistributed themselves throughout ,europe4 ,it was then that these devoted ,irishmen1 not one of whom had ever seen ,ireland1 were counselled by an ,english ,archbishop1 the father of the oracles1 to go back to their own country4 ,this had never once occurred to them1 because there was nothing to prevent them and nobody to forbid them4 ,they jumped at the suggestion4 ,they landed here3 here in ,galway ,bay1 on this very ground4 ,when they reached the shore the older men and women flung themselves down and passionately kissed the soil of ,ireland1 calling on the young to embrace the earth that had borne their ancestors4 ,but the young looked gloomily on1 and said ',there is no earth1 only stone4' ,you will see by looking round you why they said that3 the fields here are of stone3 the hills are capped with granite4 ,they all left for ,england next day2 and no ,irishman ever again confessed to being ,irish1 even to his own children2 so that when that generation passed away the ,irish race vanished from human knowledge4 ,and the dispersed ,jews did the same lest they should be sent back to ,palestine4 ,since then the world1 bereft of its ,jews and its ,irish1 has been a tame dull place4 ,is there no pathos for you in this story8 ,can you not understand now why ,i am come to visit the scene of this tragic effacement of a race of heroes and poets8 ,,zoo4 ,we still tell our little children stories like that1 to help them to understand4 ,but such things do not happen really4 ,that scene of the ,irish landing here and kissing the ground might have happened to a hundred people4 ,it couldn't have happened to a hundred thousand3 you know that as well as ,i do4 ,and what a ridiculous thing to call people ,irish because they live in ,ireland6 you might as well call them ,airish because they live in air4 ,they must be just the same as other people4 ,why do you shortlivers persist in making up silly stories about the world and trying to act as if they were true8 ,contact with truth hurts and frightens you3 you escape from it into an imaginary vacuum in which you can indulge your desires and hopes and loves and hates without any obstruction from the solid facts of life4 ,you love to throw dust in your own eyes4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,it is my turn now1 madam1 to inform you that ,i do not understand a single word you are saying4 ,i should have thought that the use of a vacuum for removing dust was a mark of civilization rather than of savagery4 ,,zoo giving him up as hopeless ,oh1 ,daddy1 ,daddy3 ,i can hardly believe that you are human1 you are so stupid4 ,it was well said of your people in the olden days1 ',dust thou art2 and to dust thou shalt return4' ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman nobly ,my body is dust1 madam3 not my soul4 ,what does it matter what my body is made of8 the dust of the ground1 the particles of the air1 or even the slime of the ditch8 ,the important thing is that when my ,creator took it1 whatever it was1 ,he breathed into its nostrils the breath of life2 and ,man became a living soul4 ,yes1 madam1 a living soul4 ,i am not the dust of the ground3 ,i am a living soul4 ,that is an exalting1 a magnificent thought4 ,it is also a great scientific fact4 ,i am not interested in the chemicals and the microbes3 ,i leave them to the chumps and noodles1 to the blockheads and the muckrakers who are incapable of their own glorious destiny1 and unconscious of their own divinity4 ,they tell me there are leucocytes in my blood1 and sodium and carbon in my flesh4 ,i thank them for the information1 and tell them that there are blackbeetles in my kitchen1 washing soda in my laundry1 and coal in my cellar4 ,i do not deny their existence2 but ,i keep them in their proper place1 which is not1 if ,i may be allowed to use an antiquated form of expression1 the temple of the ,holy ,ghost4 ,no doubt you think me behind the times2 but ,i rejoice in my enlightenment2 and ,i recoil from your ignorance1 your blindness1 your imbecility4 ,humanly ,i pity you4 ,intellectually ,i despise you4 ,,zoo4 ,bravo1 ,daddy6 ,you have the root of the matter in you4 ,you will not die of discouragement after all4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i have not the smallest intention of doing so1 madam4 ,i am no longer young2 and ,i have moments of weakness2 but when ,i approach this subject the divine spark in me kindles and glows1 the corruptible becomes incorruptible1 and the mortal ,bolge ,bluebin ,barlow puts on immortality4 ,on this ground ,i am your equal1 even if you survive me by ten thousand years4 ,,zoo4 ,yes2 but what do we know about this breath of life that puffs you up so exaltedly8 ,just nothing4 ,so let us shake hands as cultivated ,agnostics1 and change the subject4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,cultivated fiddlesticks1 madam6 ,you cannot change this subject until the heavens and the earth pass away4 ,i am not an ,agnostic3 ,i am a gentleman4 ,when ,i believe a thing ,i say ,i believe it3 when ,i don't believe it ,i say ,i don't believe it4 ,i do not shirk my responsibilities by pretending that ,i know nothing and therefore can believe nothing4 ,we cannot disclaim knowledge and shirk responsibility4 ,we must proceed on assumptions of some sort or we cannot form a human society4 ,,zoo4 ,the assumptions must be scientific1 ,daddy4 ,we must live by science in the long run4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i have the utmost respect1 madam1 for the magnificent discoveries which we owe to science4 ,but any fool can make a discovery4 ,every baby has to discover more in the first years of its life than ,roger ,bacon ever discovered in his laboratory4 ,when ,i was seven years old ,i discovered the sting of the wasp4 ,but ,i do not ask you to worship me on that account4 ,i assure you1 madam1 the merest mediocrities can discover the most surprising facts about the physical universe as soon as they are civilized enough to have time to study these things1 and to invent instruments and apparatus for research4 ,but what is the consequence8 ,their discoveries discredit the simple stories of our religion4 ,at first we had no idea of astronomical space4 ,we believed the sky to be only the ceiling of a room as large as the earth1 with another room on top of it4 ,death was to us a going upstairs into that room1 or1 if we did not obey the priests1 going downstairs into the coal cellar4 ,we founded our religion1 our morality1 our laws1 our lessons1 our poems1 our prayers1 on that simple belief4 ,well1 the moment men became astronomers and made telescopes1 their belief perished4 ,when they could no longer believe in the sky1 they found that they could no longer believe in their ,deity1 because they had always thought of him as living in the sky4 ,when the priests themselves ceased to believe in their ,deity and began to believe in astronomy1 they changed their name and their dress1 and called themselves doctors and men of science4 ,they set up a new religion in which there was no ,deity1 but only wonders and miracles1 with scientific instruments and apparatus as the wonder workers4 ,instead of worshipping the greatness and wisdom of the ,deity1 men gaped foolishly at the million billion miles of space and worshipped the astronomer as infallible and omniscient4 ,they built temples for his telescopes4 ,then they looked into their own bodies with microscopes1 and found there1 not the soul they had formerly believed in1 but millions of micro-organisms2 so they gaped at these as foolishly as at the millions of miles1 and built microscope temples in which horrible sacrifices were offered4 ,they even gave their own bodies to be sacrificed by the microscope man1 who was worshipped1 like the astronomer1 as infallible and omniscient4 ,thus our discoveries instead of increasing our wisdom1 only destroyed the little childish wisdom we had4 ,all ,i can grant you is that they increased our knowledge4 ,,zoo4 ,nonsense6 ,consciousness of a fact is not knowledge of it3 if it were1 the fish would know more of the sea than the geographers and the naturalists4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,that is an extremely acute remark1 madam4 ,the dullest fish could not possibly know less of the majesty of the ocean than many geographers and naturalists of my acquaintance4 ,,zoo4 ,just so4 ,and the greatest fool on earth1 by merely looking at a mariners' compass1 may become conscious of the fact that the needle turns always to the pole4 ,is he any the less a fool with that consciousness than he was without it8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,only a more conceited one1 madam1 no doubt4 ,still1 ,i do not quite see how you can be aware of the existence of a thing without knowing it4 ,,zoo4 ,well1 you can see a man without knowing him1 can you not8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman illuminated ,oh how true6 ,of course1 of course4 ,there is a member of the ,travellers' ,club who has questioned the veracity of an experience of mine at the ,south ,pole4 ,i see that man almost every day when ,i am at home4 ,but ,i refuse to know him4 ,,zoo4 ,if you could see him much more distinctly through a magnifying glass1 or examine a drop of his blood through a microscope1 or dissect out all his organs and analyze them chemically1 would you know him then8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,certainly not4 ,any such investigation could only increase the disgust with which he inspires me1 and make me more determined than ever not to know him on any terms4 ,,zoo4 ,yet you would be much more conscious of him1 would you not8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i should not allow that to commit me to any familiarity with the fellow4 ,i have been twice at the ,summer ,sports at the ,south ,pole2 and this man pretended he had been to the ,north ,pole1 which can hardly be said to exist1 as it is in the middle of the sea4 ,he declared he had hung his hat on it4 ,,zoo laughing ,he knew that travellers are amusing only when they are telling lies4 ,perhaps if you looked at that man through a microscope you would find some good in him4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i do not want to find any good in him4 ,besides1 madam1 what you have just said encourages me to utter an opinion of mine which is so advanced6 so intellectually daring6 that ,i have never ventured to confess to it before1 lest ,i should be imprisoned for blasphemy1 or even burnt alive4 ,,zoo4 ,indeed6 ,what opinion is that8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman after looking cautiously round ,i do not approve of microscopes4 ,i never have4 ,,zoo4 ,you call that advanced6 ,oh1 ,daddy1 that is pure obscurantism4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,call it so if you will1 madam2 but ,i maintain that it is dangerous to shew too much to people who do not know what they are looking at4 ,i think that a man who is sane as long as he looks at the world through his own eyes is very likely to become a dangerous madman if he takes to looking at the world through telescopes and microscopes4 ,even when he is telling fairy stories about giants and dwarfs1 the giants had better not be too big nor the dwarfs too small and too malicious4 ,before the microscope came1 our fairy stories only made the children's flesh creep pleasantly1 and did not frighten grown-up persons at all4 ,but the microscope men terrified themselves and everyone else out of their wits with the invisible monsters they saw3 poor harmless little things that die at the touch of a ray of sunshine1 and are themselves the victims of all the diseases they are supposed to produce6 ,whatever the scientific people may say1 imagination without microscopes was kindly and often courageous1 because it worked on things of which it had some real knowledge4 ,but imagination with microscopes1 working on a terrifying spectacle of millions of grotesque creatures of whose nature it had no knowledge1 became a cruel1 terror-stricken1 persecuting delirium4 ,are you aware1 madam1 that a general massacre of men of science took place in the twenty-first century of the pseudo-,christian era1 when all their laboratories were demolished1 and all their apparatus destroyed8 ,,zoo4 ,yes3 the shortlived are as savage in their advances as in their relapses4 ,but when ,science crept back1 it had been taught its place4 ,the mere collectors of anatomical or chemical facts were not supposed to know more about ,science than the collector of used postage stamps about international trade or literature4 ,the scientific terrorist who was afraid to use a spoon or a tumbler until he had dipt it in some poisonous acid to kill the microbes1 was no longer given titles1 pensions1 and monstrous powers over the bodies of other people3 he was sent to an asylum1 and treated there until his recovery4 ,but all that is an old story3 the extension of life to three hundred years has provided the human race with capable leaders1 and made short work of such childish stuff4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman pettishly ,you seem to credit every advance in civilization to your inordinately long lives4 ,do you not know that this question was familiar to men who died before they had reached my own age8 ,,zoo4 ,oh yes3 one or two of them hinted at it in a feeble way4 ,an ancient writer whose name has come down to us in several forms1 such as ,shakespear1 ,shelley1 ,sheridan1 and ,shoddy1 has a remarkable passage about your dispositions being horridly shaken by thoughts beyond the reaches of your souls4 ,that does not come to much1 does it8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,at all events1 madam1 ,i may remind you1 if you come to capping ages1 that whatever your secondaries and tertiaries may be1 you are younger than ,i am4 ,,zoo4 ,yes1 ,daddy2 but it is not the number of years we have behind us1 but the number we have before us1 that makes us careful and responsible and determined to find out the truth about everything4 ,what does it matter to you whether anything is true or not8 your flesh is as grass3 you come up like a flower1 and wither in your second childhood4 ,a lie will last your time3 it will not last mine4 ,if ,i knew ,i had to die in twenty years it would not be worth my while to educate myself3 ,i should not bother about anything but having a little pleasure while ,i lasted4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,young woman3 you are mistaken4 ,shortlived as we are1 we--the best of us1 ,i mean--regard civilization and learning1 art and science1 as an ever-burning torch1 which passes from the hand of one generation to the hand of the next1 each generation kindling it to a brighter1 prouder flame4 ,thus each lifetime1 however short1 contributes a brick to a vast and growing edifice1 a page to a sacred volume1 a chapter to a ,bible1 a ,bible to a literature4 ,we may be insects2 but like the coral insect we build islands which become continents3 like the bee we store sustenance for future communities4 ,the individual perishes2 but the race is immortal4 ,the acorn of today is the oak of the next millennium4 ,i throw my stone on the cairn and die2 but later comers add another stone and yet another2 and lo6 a mountain4 ,i-- ,,zoo interrupts him by laughing heartily at him666666 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman with offended dignity ,may ,i ask what ,i have said that calls for this merriment8 ,,zoo4 ,oh1 ,daddy1 ,daddy1 ,daddy1 you are a funny little man1 with your torches1 and your flames1 and your bricks and edifices and pages and volumes and chapters and coral insects and bees and acorns and stones and mountains4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,metaphors1 madam4 ,metaphors merely4 ,,zoo4 ,images1 images1 images4 ,i was talking about men1 not about images4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i was illustrating--not1 ,i hope1 quite infelicitously--the great march of ,progress4 ,i was shewing you how1 shortlived as we orientals are1 mankind gains in stature from generation to generation1 from epoch to epoch1 from barbarism to civilization1 from civilization to perfection4 ,,zoo4 ,i see4 ,the father grows to be six feet high1 and hands on his six feet to his son1 who adds another six feet and becomes twelve feet high1 and hands his twelve feet on to his son1 who is full-grown at eighteen feet1 and so on4 ,in a thousand years you would all be three or four miles high4 ,at that rate your ancestors ,bilge and ,bluebeard1 whom you call giants1 must have been about quarter of an inch high4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i am not here to bandy quibbles and paradoxes with a girl who blunders over the greatest names in history4 ,i am in earnest4 ,i am treating a solemn theme seriously4 ,i never said that the son of a man six feet high would be twelve feet high4 ,,zoo4 ,you didn't mean that8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,most certainly not4 ,,zoo4 ,then you didn't mean anything4 ,now listen to me1 you little ephemeral thing4 ,i knew quite well what you meant by your torch handed on from generation to generation4 ,but every time that torch is handed on1 it dies down to the tiniest spark2 and the man who gets it can rekindle it only by his own light4 ,you are no taller than ,bilge or ,bluebeard2 and you are no wiser4 ,their wisdom1 such as it was1 perished with them3 so did their strength1 if their strength ever existed outside your imagination4 ,i do not know how old you are3 you look about five hundred-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,five hundred6 ,really1 madam-- ,,zoo continuing2 but ,i know1 of course1 that you are an ordinary shortliver4 ,well1 your wisdom is only such wisdom as a man can have before he has had experience enough to distinguish his wisdom from his folly1 his destiny from his delusions1 his-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,in short1 such wisdom as your own4 ,,zoo4 ,no1 no1 no1 no4 ,how often must ,i tell you that we are made wise not by the recollections of our past1 but by the responsibilities of our future4 ,i shall be more reckless when ,i am a tertiary than ,i am today4 ,if you cannot understand that1 at least you must admit that ,i have learnt from tertiaries4 ,i have seen their work and lived under their institutions4 ,like all young things ,i rebelled against them2 and in their hunger for new lights and new ideas they listened to me and encouraged me to rebel4 ,but my ways did not work2 and theirs did2 and they were able to tell me why4 ,they have no power over me except that power3 they refuse all other power2 and the consequence is that there are no limits to their power except the limits they set themselves4 ,you are a child governed by children1 who make so many mistakes and are so naughty that you are in continual rebellion against them2 and as they can never convince you that they are right3 they can govern you only by beating you1 imprisoning you1 torturing you1 killing you if you disobey them without being strong enough to kill or torture them4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,that may be an unfortunate fact4 ,i condemn it and deplore it4 ,but our minds are greater than the facts4 ,we know better4 ,the greatest ancient teachers1 followed by the galaxy of ,christs who arose in the twentieth century1 not to mention such comparatively modern spiritual leaders as ,blitherinjam1 ,tosh1 and ,spiffkins1 all taught that punishment and revenge1 coercion and militarism1 are mistakes1 and that the golden rule-- ,,zoo4 interrupting ,yes1 yes1 yes1 ,daddy3 we longlived people know that quite well4 ,but did any of their disciples ever succeed in governing you for a single day on their ,christ-like principles8 ,it is not enough to know what is good3 you must be able to do it4 ,they couldn't do it because they did not live long enough to find out how to do it1 or to outlive the childish passions that prevented them from really wanting to do it4 ,you know very well that they could only keep order--such as it was--by the very coercion and militarism they were denouncing and deploring4 ,they had actually to kill one another for preaching their own gospel1 or be killed themselves4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,the blood of the martyrs1 madam1 is the seed of the ,church4 ,,zoo4 ,more images1 ,daddy6 ,the blood of the shortlived falls on stony ground4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman rising1 very testy ,you are simply mad on the subject of longevity4 ,i wish you would change it4 ,it is rather personal and in bad taste4 ,human nature is human nature1 longlived or shortlived1 and always will be4 ,,zoo4 ,then you give up the idea of progress8 ,you cry off the torch1 and the brick1 and the acorn1 and all the rest of it8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i do nothing of the sort4 ,i stand for progress and for freedom broadening down from precedent to precedent4 ,,zoo4 ,you are certainly a true ,briton4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i am proud of it4 ,but in your mouth ,i feel that the compliment hides some insult2 so ,i do not thank you for it4 ,,zoo4 ,all ,i meant was that though ,britons sometimes say quite clever things and deep things as well as silly and shallow things1 they always forget them ten minutes after they have uttered them4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,leave it at that1 madam3 leave it at that4 ,he sits down again4 ,even a ,pope is not expected to be continually pontificating4 ,our flashes of inspiration shew that our hearts are in the right place4 ,,zoo4 ,of course4 ,you cannot keep your heart in any place but the right place4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,tcha6 ,,zoo4 ,but you can keep your hands in the wrong place4 ,in your neighbor's pockets1 for example4 ,so1 you see1 it is your hands that really matter4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman exhausted ,well1 a woman must have the last word4 ,i will not dispute it with you4 ,,zoo4 ,good4 ,now let us go back to the really interesting subject of our discussion4 ,you remember8 ,the slavery of the shortlived to images and metaphors4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman aghast ,do you mean to say1 madam1 that after having talked my head off1 and reduced me to despair and silence by your intolerable loquacity1 you actually propose to begin all over again8 ,i shall leave you at once4 ,,zoo4 ,you must not4 ,i am your nurse2 and you must stay with me4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i absolutely decline to do anything of the sort he rises and walks away with marked dignity4 ,,zoo using her tuning-fork ,zoo on ,burrin ,pier to ,oracle ,police at ,ennistymon have you got me8444 ,what8444 ,i am picking you up now but you are flat to my pitch4444 ,just a shade sharper4444 ,that's better3 still a little more4444 ,got you3 right4 ,isolate ,burrin ,pier quick4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman is heard to yell ,oh6 ,,zoo still intoning ,thanks4444 ,oh nothing serious ,i am nursing a shortliver and the silly creature has run away he has discouraged himself very badly by gadding about and talking to secondaries and ,i must keep him strictly to heel4 ,the ,elderly ,gentleman returns1 indignant4 ,,zoo4 ,here he is you can release the ,pier thanks4 ,goodbye4 ,she puts up her tuning-fork4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,this is outrageous4 ,when ,i tried to step off the pier on to the road1 ,i received a shock1 followed by an attack of pins and needles which ceased only when ,i stepped back on to the stones4 ,,zoo4 ,yes3 there is an electric hedge there4 ,it is a very old and very crude method of keeping animals from straying4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,we are perfectly familiar with it in ,baghdad1 madam2 but ,i little thought ,i should live to have it ignominiously applied to myself4 ,you have actually ,kiplingized me4 ,,zoo4 ,kiplingized6 ,what is that8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,about a thousand years ago there were two authors named ,kipling4 ,one was an eastern and a writer of merit3 the other1 being a western1 was of course only an amusing barbarian4 ,he is said to have invented the electric hedge4 ,i consider that in using it on me you have taken a very great liberty4 ,,zoo4 ,what is a liberty8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman exasperated ,i shall not explain1 madam4 ,i believe you know as well as ,i do4 ,he sits down on the bollard in dudgeon4 ,,zoo4 ,no3 even you can tell me things ,i do not know4 ,havnt you noticed that all the time you have been here we have been asking you questions8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,noticed it6 ,it has almost driven me mad4 ,do you see my white hair8 ,it was hardly grey when ,i landed3 there were patches of its original auburn still distinctly discernible4 ,,zoo4 ,that is one of the symptoms of discouragement4 ,but have you noticed something much more important to yourself3 that is1 that you have never asked us any questions1 although we know so much more than you do8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i am not a child1 madam4 ,i believe ,i have had occasion to say that before4 ,and ,i am an experienced traveller4 ,i know that what the traveller observes must really exist1 or he could not observe it4 ,but what the natives tell him is invariably pure fiction4 ,,zoo4 ,not here1 ,daddy4 ,with us life is too long for telling lies4 ,they all get found out4 ,youd better ask me questions while you have the chance4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,if ,i have occasion to consult the oracle ,i shall address myself to a proper one3 to a tertiary3 not to a primary flapper playing at being an oracle4 ,if you are a nurserymaid1 attend to your duties2 and do not presume to ape your elders4 ,,zoo4 rising ominously and reddening ,you silly-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman thundering ,silence6 ,do you hear6 ,hold your tongue4 ,,zoo4 ,something very disagreeable is happening to me4 ,i feel hot all over4 ,i have a horrible impulse to injure you4 ,what have you done to me8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman triumphant ,aha6 ,i have made you blush4 ,now you know what blushing means4 ,blushing with shame6 ,,zoo4 ,whatever you are doing1 it is something so utterly evil that if you do not stop ,i will kill you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman apprehending his danger ,doubtless you think it safe to threaten an old man-- ,,zoo fiercely ,old6 ,you are a child3 an evil child4 ,we kill evil children here4 ,we do it even against our own wills by instinct4 ,take care4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman rising with crestfallen courtesy ,i did not mean to hurt your feelings4 ,i--swallowing the apology with an effort ,i beg your pardon4 ,he takes off his hat1 and bows4 ,,zoo4 ,what does that mean8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i withdraw what ,i said4 ,,zoo4 ,how can you withdraw what you said8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i can say no more than that ,i am sorry4 ,,zoo4 ,you have reason to be4 ,that hideous sensation you gave me is subsiding2 but you have had a very narrow escape4 ,do not attempt to kill me again2 for at the first sign in your voice or face ,i shall strike you dead4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i attempt to kill you6 ,what a monstrous accusation6 ,,zoo frowns6 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman prudently correcting himself ,i mean misunderstanding4 ,i never dreamt of such a thing4 ,surely you cannot believe that ,i am a murderer4 ,,zoo4 ,i know you are a murderer4 ,it is not merely that you threw words at me as if they were stones1 meaning to hurt me4 ,it was the instinct to kill that you roused in me4 ,i did not know it was in my nature3 never before has it wakened and sprung out at me1 warning me to kill or be killed4 ,i must now reconsider my whole political position4 ,i am no longer a ,conservative4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman dropping his hat ,gracious ,heavens6 you have lost your senses4 ,i am at the mercy of a madwoman3 ,i might have known it from the beginning4 ,i can bear no more of this4 ,offering his chest for the sacrifice ,kill me at once2 and much good may my death do you6 ,,zoo4 ,it would be useless unless all the other shortlivers were killed at the same time4 ,besides1 it is a measure which should be taken politically and constitutionally1 not privately4 ,however1 ,i am prepared to discuss it with you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no1 no1 no4 ,i had much rather discuss your intention of withdrawing from the ,conservative party4 ,how the ,conservatives have tolerated your opinions so far is more than ,i can imagine3 ,i can only conjecture that you have contributed very liberally to the party funds4 ,he picks up his hat1 and sits down again4 ,,zoo4 ,do not babble so senselessly3 our chief political controversy is the most momentous in the world for you and your like4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman interested ,indeed8 ,pray1 may ,i ask what it is8 ,i am a keen politician1 and may perhaps be of some use4 ,he puts on his hat1 cocking it slightly4 ,,zoo4 ,we have two great parties3 the ,conservative party and the ,colonization party4 ,the ,colonizers are of opinion that we should increase our numbers and colonize4 ,the ,conservatives hold that we should stay as we are1 confined to these islands1 a race apart1 wrapped up in the majesty of our wisdom on a soil held as holy ground for us by an adoring world1 with our sacred frontier traced beyond dispute by the sea4 ,they contend that it is our destiny to rule the world1 and that even when we were shortlived we did so4 ,they say that our power and our peace depend on our remoteness1 our exclusiveness1 our separation1 and the restriction of our numbers4 ,five minutes ago that was my political faith4 ,now ,i do not think there should be any shortlived people at all4 ,she throws herself again carelessly on the sacks4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,am ,i to infer that you deny my right to live because ,i allowed myself--perhaps injudiciously--to give you a slight scolding8 ,,zoo4 ,is it worth living for so short a time8 ,are you any good to yourself8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman stupent ,well1 upon my soul6 ,,zoo4 ,it is such a very little soul4 ,you only encourage the sin of pride in us1 and keep us looking down at you instead of up to something higher than ourselves4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,is not that a selfish view1 madam8 ,think of the good you do us by your oracular counsels6 ,,zoo4 ,what good have our counsels ever done you8 ,you come to us for advice when you know you are in difficulties4 ,but you never know you are in difficulties until twenty years after you have made the mistakes that led to them2 and then it is too late4 ,you cannot understand our advice3 you often do more mischief by trying to act on it than if you had been left to your own childish devices4 ,if you were not childish you would not come to us at all3 you would learn from experience that your consultations of the oracle are never of any real help to you4 ,you draw wonderful imaginary pictures of us1 and write fictitious tales and poems about our beneficent operations in the past1 our wisdom1 our justice1 our mercy3 stories in which we often appear as sentimental dupes of your prayers and sacrifices2 but you do it only to conceal from yourselves the truth that you are incapable of being helped by us4 ,your ,prime ,minister pretends that he has come to be guided by the oracle2 but we are not deceived3 we know quite well that he has come here so that when he goes back he may have the authority and dignity of one who has visited the holy islands and spoken face to face with the ineffable ones4 ,he will pretend that all the measures he wishes to take for his own purposes have been enjoined on him by the oracle4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,but you forget that the answers of the oracle cannot be kept secret or misrepresented4 ,they are written and promulgated4 ,the ,leader of the ,opposition can obtain copies4 ,all the nations know them4 ,secret diplomacy has been totally abolished4 ,,zoo4 ,yes3 you publish documents2 but they are garbled or forged4 ,and even if you published our real answers it would make no difference1 because the shortlived cannot interpret the plainest writings4 ,your scriptures command you in the plainest terms to do exactly the contrary of everything your own laws and chosen rulers command and execute4 ,you cannot defy ,nature4 ,it is a law of ,nature that there is a fixed relation between conduct and length of life4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i have never heard of any such law1 madam4 ,,zoo4 ,well1 you are hearing of it now4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,let me tell you that we shortlivers1 as you call us1 have lengthened our lives very considerably4 ,,zoo4 ,how8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,by saving time4 ,by enabling men to cross the ocean in an afternoon1 and to see and speak to one another when they are thousands of miles apart4 ,we hope shortly to organize their labor1 and press natural forces into their service1 so scientifically that the burden of labor will cease to be perceptible1 leaving common men more leisure than they will know what to do with4 ,,zoo4 ,daddy3 the man whose life is lengthened in this way may be busier than a savage2 but the difference between such men living seventy years and those living three hundred would be all the greater2 for to a shortliver increase of years is only increase of sorrow2 but to a long-liver every extra year is a prospect which forces him to stretch his faculties to the utmost to face it4 ,therefore ,i say that we who live three hundred years can be of no use to you who live less than a hundred1 and that our true destiny is not to advise and govern you1 but to supplant and supersede you4 ,in that faith ,i now declare myself a ,colonizer and an ,exterminator4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,oh1 steady6 steady6 ,pray6 pray6 ,reflect1 ,i implore you4 ,it is possible to colonize without exterminating the natives4 ,would you treat us less mercifully than our barbarous forefathers treated the ,redskin and the ,negro8 ,are we not1 as ,britons1 entitled at least to some reservations8 ,,zoo4 ,what is the use of prolonging the agony8 ,you would perish slowly in our presence1 no matter what we did to preserve you4 ,you were almost dead when ,i took charge of you today1 merely because you had talked for a few minutes to a secondary4 ,besides1 we have our own experience to go upon4 ,have you never heard that our children occasionally revert to the ancestral type1 and are born shortlived8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman eagerly ,never4 ,i hope you will not be offended if ,i say that it would be a great comfort to me if ,i could be placed in charge of one of those normal individuals4 ,,zoo4 ,abnormal1 you mean4 ,what you ask is impossible3 we weed them all out4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,when you say that you weed them out1 you send a cold shiver down my spine4 ,i hope you don't mean that you--that you--that you assist ,nature in any way8 ,,zoo4 ,why not8 ,have you not heard the saying of the ,chinese sage ,dee ,ning1 that a good garden needs weeding8 ,but it is not necessary for us to interfere4 ,we are naturally rather particular as to the conditions on which we consent to live4 ,one does not mind the accidental loss of an arm or a leg or an eye3 after all1 no one with two legs is unhappy because he has not three2 so why should a man with one be unhappy because he has not two8 ,but infirmities of mind and temper are quite another matter4 ,if one of us has no self-control1 or is too weak to bear the strain of our truthful life without wincing1 or is tormented by depraved appetites and superstitions1 or is unable to keep free from pain and depression1 he naturally becomes discouraged1 and refuses to live4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,good ,lord6 ,cuts his throat1 do you mean8 ,,zoo4 ,no3 why should he cut his throat8 ,he simply dies4 ,he wants to4 ,he is out of countenance1 as we call it4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,well666 ,but suppose he is depraved enough not to want to die1 and to settle the difficulty by killing all the rest of you8 ,,zoo4 ,oh1 he is one of the thoroughly degenerate shortlivers whom we occasionally produce4 ,he emigrates4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,and what becomes of him then8 ,,zoo4 ,you shortlived people always think very highly of him4 ,you accept him as what you call a great man4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,you astonish me2 and yet ,i must admit that what you tell me accounts for a great deal of the little ,i know of the private life of our great men4 ,we must be very convenient to you as a dumping place for your failures4 ,,zoo4 ,i admit that4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,good4 ,then if you carry out your plan of colonization1 and leave no shortlived countries in the world1 what will you do with your undesirables8 ,,zoo4 ,kill them4 ,our tertiaries are not at all squeamish about killing4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,gracious ,powers6 ,,zoo glancing up at the sun ,come4 ,it is just sixteen o'clock2 and you have to join your party at half-past in the temple in ,galway4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman rising ,galway6 ,shall ,i at last be able to boast of having seen that magnificent city8 ,,zoo4 ,you will be disappointed3 we have no cities4 ,there is a temple of the oracle3 that is all4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,alas6 and ,i came here to fulfil two long-cherished dreams4 ,one was to see ,galway4 ,it has been said1 ',see ,galway and die4' ,the other was to contemplate the ruins of ,london4 ,,zoo4 ,ruins6 ,we do not tolerate ruins4 ,was ,london a place of any importance8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman amazed ,what6 ,london6 ,it was the mightiest city of antiquity4 ,rhetorically ,situate just where the ,dover ,road crosses the ,thames1 it-- ,,zoo curtly interrupting ,there is nothing there now4 ,why should anybody pitch on such a spot to live8 ,the nearest houses are at a place called ,strand-on-the-,green3 it is very old4 ,come4 ,we shall go across the water4 ,she goes down the steps4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,sic transit gloria mundi6 ,,zoo from below ,what did you say8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman despairingly ,nothing4 ,you would not understand4 ,he goes down the steps4 ,,act ,,ii ,a courtyard before the columned portico of a temple4 ,the temple door is in the middle of the portico4 ,a veiled and robed woman of majestic carriage passes along behind the columns towards the entrance4 ,from the opposite direction a man of compact figure1 clean-shaven1 saturnine1 and self-centred3 in short1 very like ,napoleon ,i1 and wearing a military uniform of ,napoleonic cut1 marches with measured steps2 places his hand in his lapel in the traditional manner2 and fixes the woman with his eye4 ,she stops1 her attitude expressing haughty amazement at his audacity4 ,he is on her right3 she on his left4 ,,napoleon impressively ,i am the ,man of ,destiny4 ,,the ,,veiled ,,woman unimpressed ,how did you get in here8 ,,napoleon4 ,i walked in4 ,i go on until ,i am stopped4 ,i never am stopped4 ,i tell you ,i am the ,man of ,destiny4 ,,the ,,veiled ,,woman4 ,you will be a man of very short destiny if you wander about here without one of our children to guide you4 ,i suppose you belong to the ,baghdad envoy4 ,,napoleon4 ,i came with him2 but ,i do not belong to him4 ,i belong to myself4 ,direct me to the oracle if you can4 ,if not1 do not waste my time4 ,,the ,,veiled ,,woman4 ,your time1 poor creature1 is short4 ,i will not waste it4 ,your envoy and his party will be here presently4 ,the consultation of the oracle is arranged for them1 and will take place according to the prescribed ritual4 ,you can wait here until they come she turns to go into the temple4 ,,napoleon4 ,i never wait4 ,she stops4 ,the prescribed ritual is1 ,i believe1 the classical one of the pythoness on her tripod1 the intoxicating fumes arising from the abyss1 the convulsions of the priestess as she delivers the message of the ,god1 and so on4 ,that sort of thing does not impose on me3 ,i use it myself to impose on simpletons4 ,i believe that what is1 is4 ,i know that what is not1 is not4 ,the antics of a woman sitting on a tripod and pretending to be drunk do not interest me4 ,her words are put into her mouth1 not by a god1 but by a man three hundred years old1 who has had the capacity to profit by his experience4 ,i wish to speak to that man face to face1 without mummery or imposture4 ,,the ,,veiled ,,woman4 ,you seem to be an unusually sensible person4 ,but there is no old man4 ,i am the oracle on duty today4 ,i am on my way to take my place on the tripod1 and go through the usual mummery1 as you rightly call it1 to impress your friend the envoy4 ,as you are superior to that kind of thing1 you may consult me now4 ,she leads the way into the middle of the courtyard4 ,what do you want to know8 ,,napoleon following her ,madam3 ,i have not come all this way to discuss matters of ,state with a woman4 ,i must ask you to direct me to one of your oldest and ablest men4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,none of our oldest and ablest men or women would dream of wasting their time on you4 ,you would die of discouragement in their presence in less than three hours4 ,,napoleon4 ,you can keep this idle fable of discouragement for people credulous enough to be intimidated by it1 madam4 ,i do not believe in metaphysical forces4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,no one asks you to4 ,a field is something physical1 is it not4 ,well1 ,i have a field4 ,,napoleon4 ,i have several million fields4 ,i am ,emperor of ,turania4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,you do not understand4 ,i am not speaking of an agricultural field4 ,do you not know that every mass of matter in motion carries with it an invisible gravitational field1 every magnet an invisible magnetic field1 and every living organism a mesmeric field8 ,even you have a perceptible mesmeric field4 ,feeble as it is1 it is the strongest ,i have yet observed in a shortliver4 ,,napoleon4 ,by no means feeble1 madam4 ,i understand you now2 and ,i may tell you that the strongest characters blench in my presence1 and submit to my domination4 ,but ,i do not call that a physical force4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,what else do you call it1 pray8 ,our physicists deal with it4 ,our mathematicians express its measurements in algebraic equations4 ,,napoleon4 ,do you mean that they could measure mine8 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,yes3 by a figure infinitely near to zero4 ,even in us the force is negligible during our first century of life4 ,in our second it develops quickly1 and becomes dangerous to shortlivers who venture into its field4 ,if ,i were not veiled and robed in insulating material you could not endure my presence2 and ,i am still a young woman3 one hundred and seventy if you wish to know exactly4 ,,napoleon folding his arms ,i am not intimidated3 no woman alive1 old or young1 can put me out of countenance4 ,unveil1 madam4 ,disrobe4 ,you will move this temple as easily as shake me4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,very well she throws back her veil4 ,,napoleon shrieking1 staggering1 and covering his eyes ,no4 ,stop4 ,hide your face again4 ,shutting his eyes and distractedly clutching at his throat and heart ,let me go4 ,help6 ,i am dying4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,do you still wish to consult an older person8 ,,napoleon4 ,no1 no4 ,the veil1 the veil1 ,i beg you4 ,,the ,,oracle replacing the veil ,so4 ,,napoleon4 ,ouf6 ,one cannot always be at one's best4 ,twice before in my life ,i have lost my nerve and behaved like a poltroon4 ,but ,i warn you not to judge my quality by these involuntary moments4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,i have no occasion to judge of your quality4 ,you want my advice4 ,speak quickly2 or ,i shall go about my business4 ,,napoleon ,after a moment's hesitation1 sinks respectfully on one knee ,i-- ,,the ,,oracle4 ,oh1 rise1 rise4 ,are you so foolish as to offer me this mummery which even you despise8 ,,napoleon rising ,i knelt in spite of myself4 ,i compliment you on your impressiveness1 madam4 ,,the ,,oracle impatiently ,time6 time6 time6 time6 ,,napoleon4 ,you will not grudge me the necessary time1 madam1 when you know my case4 ,i am a man gifted with a certain specific talent in a degree altogether extraordinary4 ,i am not otherwise a very extraordinary person3 my family is not influential2 and without this talent ,i should cut no particular figure in the world4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,why cut a figure in the world8 ,,napoleon4 ,superiority will make itself felt1 madam4 ,but when ,i say ,i possess this talent ,i do not express myself accurately4 ,the truth is that my talent possesses me4 ,it is genius4 ,it drives me to exercise it4 ,i must exercise it4 ,i am great when ,i exercise it4 ,at other moments ,i am nobody4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,well1 exercise it4 ,do you need an oracle to tell you that8 ,,napoleon4 ,wait4 ,this talent involves the shedding of human blood4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,are you a surgeon1 or a dentist8 ,,napoleon4 ,psha6 ,you do not appreciate me1 madam4 ,i mean the shedding of oceans of blood1 the death of millions of men4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,they object1 ,i suppose4 ,,napoleon4 ,not at all4 ,they adore me4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,indeed6 ,,napoleon4 ,i have never shed blood with my own hand4 ,they kill each other3 they die with shouts of triumph on their lips4 ,those who die cursing do not curse me4 ,my talent is to organize this slaughter2 to give mankind this terrible joy which they call glory2 to let loose the devil in them that peace has bound in chains4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,and you8 ,do you share their joy8 ,,napoleon4 ,not at all4 ,what satisfaction is it to me to see one fool pierce the entrails of another with a bayonet8 ,i am a man of princely character1 but of simple personal tastes and habits4 ,i have the virtues of a laborer3 industry and indifference to personal comfort4 ,but ,i must rule1 because ,i am so superior to other men that it is intolerable to me to be misruled by them4 ,yet only as a slayer can ,i become a ruler4 ,i cannot be great as a writer3 ,i have tried and failed4 ,i have no talent as a sculptor or painter2 and as lawyer1 preacher1 doctor1 or actor1 scores of second-rate men can do as well as ,i1 or better4 ,i am not even a diplomatist3 ,i can only play my trump card of force4 ,what ,i can do is to organize war4 ,look at me6 ,i seem a man like other men1 because nine-tenths of me is common humanity4 ,but the other tenth is a faculty for seeing things as they are that no other man possesses4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,you mean that you have no imagination8 ,,napoleon forcibly ,i mean that ,i have the only imagination worth having3 the power of imagining things as they are1 even when ,i cannot see them4 ,you feel yourself my superior1 ,i know3 nay1 you are my superior3 have ,i not bowed my knee to you by instinct8 ,yet ,i challenge you to a test of our respective powers4 ,can you calculate what the methematicians call vectors1 without putting a single algebraic symbol on paper8 ,can you launch ten thousand men across a frontier and a chain of mountains and know to a mile exactly where they will be at the end of seven weeks8 ,the rest is nothing3 ,i got it all from the books at my military school4 ,now this great game of war1 this playing with armies as other men play with bowls and skittles1 is one which ,i must go on playing1 partly because a man must do what he can and not what he would like to do1 and partly because1 if ,i stop1 ,i immediately lose my power and become a beggar in the land where ,i now make men drunk with glory4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,no doubt then you wish to know how to extricate yourself from this unfortunate position8 ,,napoleon4 ,it is not generally considered unfortunate1 madam4 ,supremely fortunate rather4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,if you think so1 go on making them drunk with glory4 ,why trouble me with their folly and your vectors8 ,,napoleon4 ,unluckily1 madam1 men are not only heroes3 they are also cowards4 ,they desire glory2 but they dread death4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,why should they8 ,their lives are too short to be worth living4 ,that is why they think your game of war worth playing4 ,,napoleon4 ,they do not look at it quite in that way4 ,the most worthless soldier wants to live for ever4 ,to make him risk being killed by the enemy ,i have to convince him that if he hesitates he will inevitably be shot at dawn by his own comrades for cowardice4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,and if his comrades refuse to shoot him8 ,,napoleon4 ,they will be shot too1 of course4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,by whom8 ,,napoleon4 ,by their comrades4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,and if they refuse8 ,,napoleon4 ,up to a certain point they do not refuse4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,but when that point is reached1 you have to do the shooting yourself1 eh8 ,,napoleon4 ,unfortunately1 madam1 when that point is reached1 they shoot me4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,mf6 ,it seems to me they might as well shoot you first as last4 ,why don't they8 ,,napoleon4 ,because their love of fighting1 their desire for glory1 their shame of being branded as dastards1 their instinct to test themselves in terrible trials1 their fear of being killed or enslaved by the enemy1 their belief that they are defending their hearths and homes1 overcome their natural cowardice1 and make them willing not only to risk their own lives but to kill everyone who refuses to take that risk4 ,but if war continues too long1 there comes a time when the soldiers1 and also the taxpayers who are supporting and munitioning them1 reach a condition which they describe as being fed up4 ,the troops have proved their courage1 and want to go home and enjoy in peace the glory it has earned them4 ,besides1 the risk of death for each soldier becomes a certainty if the fighting goes on for ever3 he hopes to escape for six months1 but knows he cannot escape for six years4 ,the risk of bankruptcy for the citizen becomes a certainty in the same way4 ,now what does this mean for me8 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,does that matter in the midst of such calamity8 ,,napoleon4 ,psha6 madam3 it is the only thing that matters3 the value of human life is the value of the greatest living man4 ,cut off that infinitesimal layer of grey matter which distinguishes my brain from that of the common man1 and you cut down the stature of humanity from that of a giant to that of a nobody4 ,i matter supremely3 my soldiers do not matter at all3 there are plenty more where they came from4 ,if you kill me1 or put a stop to my activity 7it is the same thing71 the nobler part of human life perishes4 ,you must save the world from that catastrophe1 madam4 ,war has made me popular1 powerful1 famous1 historically immortal4 ,but ,i foresee that if ,i go on to the end it will leave me execrated1 dethroned1 imprisoned1 perhaps executed4 ,yet if ,i stop fighting ,i commit suicide as a great man and become a common one4 ,how am ,i to escape the horns of this tragic dilemma8 ,victory ,i can guarantee3 ,i am invincible4 ,but the cost of victory is the demoralization1 the depopulation1 the ruin of the victors no less than of the vanquished4 ,how am ,i to satisfy my genius by fighting until ,i die8 that is my question to you4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,were you not rash to venture into these sacred islands with such a question on your lips8 ,warriors are not popular here1 my friend4 ,,napoleon4 ,if a soldier were restrained by such a consideration1 madam1 he would no longer be a soldier4 ,besides he produces a pistol1 ,i have not come unarmed4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,what is that thing8 ,,napoleon4 ,it is an instrument of my profession1 madam4 ,i raise this hammer2 ,i point the barrel at you2 ,i pull this trigger that is against my forefinger2 and you fall dead4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,shew it to me she puts out her hand to take it from him4 ,,napoleon retreating a step ,pardon me1 madam4 ,i never trust my life in the hands of a person over whom ,i have no control4 ,,the ,,oracle sternly ,give it to me she raises her hand to her veil4 ,,napoleon dropping the pistol and covering his eyes ,quarter6 ,kamerad6 ,take it1 madam he kicks it towards her3 ,i surrender4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,give me that thing4 ,do you expect me to stoop for it8 ,,napoleon taking his hands from his eyes with an effort ,a poor victory1 madam he picks up the pistol and hands it to her3 there was no vector strategy needed to win it4 ,making a pose of his humiliation ,but enjoy your triumph3 you have made me--,,me6 ,cain ,adamson ,charles ,napoleon6 ,emperor of ,turania6 cry for quarter4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,the way out of your difficulty1 ,cain ,adamson1 is very simple4 ,,napoleon eagerly ,good4 ,what is it8 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,to die before the tide of glory turns4 ,allow me she shoots him4 ,he falls with a shriek4 ,she throws the pistol away and goes haughtily into the temple4 ,,napoleon scrambling to his feet ,murderess6 ,monster6 ,she-devil6 ,unnatural1 inhuman wretch6 ,you deserve to be hanged1 guillotined1 broken on the wheel1 burnt alive4 ,no sense of the sacredness of human life6 ,no thought for my wife and children6 ,bitch6 ,sow6 ,wanton6 ,he picks up the pistol4 ,and missed me at five yards6 ,thats a woman all over4 ,he is going away whence he came when ,zoo arrives and confronts him at the head of a party consisting of the ,british ,envoy1 the ,elderly ,gentleman1 the ,envoy's wife1 and her daughter1 aged about eighteen4 ,the envoy1 a typical politician1 looks like an imperfectly reformed criminal disguised by a good tailor4 ,the dress of the ladies is coeval with that of the ,elderly ,gentleman1 and suitable for public official ceremonies in western capitals at the ,,xviii-,,xix fin de sicle4 ,they file in under the portico4 ,zoo immediately comes out imperiously to ,napoleon's right1 whilst the ,envoy's wife hurries effusively to his left4 ,the ,envoy meanwhile passes along behind the columns to the door1 followed by his daughter4 ,the ,elderly ,gentleman stops just where he entered1 to see why ,zoo has swooped so abruptly on the ,emperor of ,turania4 ,,zoo to ,napoleon1 severely ,what are you doing here by yourself8 ,you have no business to go about here alone4 ,what was that noise just now8 ,what is that in your hand8 ,napoleon glares at her in speechless fury2 pockets the pistol2 and produces a whistle4 ,,the ,,envoy',s ,,wife4 ,arnt you coming with us to the oracle1 sire8 ,,napoleon4 ,to hell with the oracle1 and with you too he turns to go6 ,,the ,,envoy',s ,,wife together ,oh1 sire66 ,,zoo ,where are you going8 ,,napoleon4 ,to fetch the police4 ,he goes out past ,zoo1 almost jostling her1 and blowing piercing blasts on his whistle4 ,,zoo whipping out her tuning-fork and intoning ,hallo ,galway ,central4 ,the whistling continues4 ,stand by to isolate4 ,to the ,elderly ,gentleman1 who is staring after the whistling ,emperor ,how far has he gone8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,to that curious statue of a fat old man4 ,,zoo quickly1 intoning ,isolate the ,falstaff monument isolate hard4 ,paralyze--the whistling stops4 ,thank you4 ,she puts up her tuning-fork4 ,he shall not move a muscle until ,i come to fetch him4 ,,the ,,envoy',s ,,wife4 ,oh6 he will be frightfully angry6 ,did you hear what he said to me8 ,,zoo4 ,much we care for his anger6 ,,the ,,daughter coming forward between her mother and ,zoo4 ,please1 madam1 whose statue is it8 and where can ,i buy a picture postcard of it8 ,it is so funny4 ,i will take a snapshot when we are coming back2 but they come out so badly sometimes4 ,,zoo4 ,they will give you pictures and toys in the temple to take away with you4 ,the story of the statue is too long4 ,it would bore you she goes past them across the courtyard to get rid of them4 ,,the ,,wife gushing ,oh no1 ,i assure you4 ,,the ,,daughter copying her mother ,we should be so interested4 ,,zoo4 ,nonsense6 ,all ,i can tell you about it is that a thousand years ago1 when the whole world was given over to you shortlived people1 there was a war called the ,war to end ,war4 ,in the war which followed it about ten years later1 hardly any soldiers were killed2 but seven of the capital cities of ,europe were wiped out of existence4 ,it seems to have been a great joke3 for the statesmen who thought they had sent ten million common men to their deaths were themselves blown into fragments with their houses and families1 while the ten million men lay snugly in the caves they had dug for themselves4 ,later on even the houses escaped2 but their inhabitants were poisoned by gas that spared no living soul4 ,of course the soldiers starved and ran wild2 and that was the end of pseudo-,christian civilization4 ,the last civilized thing that happened was that the statesmen discovered that cowardice was a great patriotic virtue2 and a public monument was erected to its first preacher1 an ancient and very fat sage called ,sir ,john ,falstaff4 ,well pointing1 thats ,falstaff4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman coming from the portico to his granddaughter's right ,great ,heavens6 ,and at the base of this monstrous poltroon's statue the ,war ,god of ,turania is now gibbering impotently4 ,,zoo4 ,serve him right6 ,war ,god indeed6 ,,the ,,envoy coming between his wife and ,zoo ,i don't know any history3 a modern ,prime ,minister has something better to do than sit reading books2 but-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman interrupting him encouragingly ,you make history1 ,ambrose4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,well1 perhaps ,i do2 and perhaps history makes me4 ,i hardly recognize myself in the newspapers sometimes1 though ,i suppose leading articles are the materials of history1 as you might say4 ,but what ,i want to know is1 how did war come back again8 and how did they make those poisonous gases you speak of8 ,we should be glad to know2 for they might come in very handy if we have to fight ,turania4 ,of course ,i am all for peace1 and don't hold with the race of armaments in principle2 still1 we must keep ahead or be wiped out4 ,,zoo4 ,you can make the gases for yourselves when your chemists find out how4 ,then you will do as you did before3 poison each other until there are no chemists left1 and no civilization4 ,you will then begin all over again as half-starved ignorant savages1 and fight with boomerangs and poisoned arrows until you work up to the poison gases and high explosives once more1 with the same result4 ,that is1 unless we have sense enough to make an end of this ridiculous game by destroying you4 ,,the ,,envoy aghast ,destroying us6 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i told you1 ,ambrose4 ,i warned you4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,but-- ,,zoo impatiently ,i wonder what ,zozim is doing4 ,he ought to be here to receive you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,do you mean that rather insufferable young man whom you found boring me on the pier8 ,,zoo4 ,yes4 ,he has to dress-up in a ,druid's robe1 and put on a wig and a long false beard1 to impress you silly people4 ,i have to put on a purple mantle4 ,i have no patience with such mummery2 but you expect it from us2 so ,i suppose it must be kept up4 ,will you wait here until ,zozim comes1 please she turns to enter the temple4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,my good lady1 is it worth while dressing-up and putting on false beards for us if you tell us beforehand that it is all humbug8 ,,zoo4 ,one would not think so2 but if you wont believe in anyone who is not dressed-up1 why1 we must dress-up for you4 ,it was you who invented all this nonsense1 not we4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,but do you expect us to be impressed after this8 ,,zoo4 ,i don't expect anything4 ,i know1 as a matter of experience1 that you will be impressed4 ,the oracle will frighten you out of your wits4 ,she goes into the temple4 ,,the ,,wife4 ,these people treat us as if we were dirt beneath their feet4 ,i wonder at you putting up with it1 ,amby4 ,it would serve them right if we went home at once3 wouldnt it1 ,eth8 ,,the ,,daughter4 ,yes1 mamma4 ,but perhaps they wouldnt mind4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,no use talking like that1 ,molly4 ,ive got to see this oracle4 ,the folks at home wont know how we have been treated3 all theyll know is that ,ive stood face to face with the oracle and had the straight tip from her4 ,i hope this ,zozim chap is not going to keep us waiting much longer2 for ,i feel far from comfortable about the approaching interview2 and thats the honest truth4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i never thought ,i should want to see that man again2 but now ,i wish he would take charge of us instead of ,zoo4 ,she was charming at first3 quite charming2 but she turned into a fiend because ,i had a few words with her4 ,you would not believe3 she very nearly killed me4 ,you heard what she said just now4 ,she belongs to a party here which wants to have us all killed4 ,,the ,,wife terrified ,us6 ,but we have done nothing3 we have been as nice to them as nice could be4 ,oh1 ,amby1 come away1 come away3 there is something dreadful about this place and these people4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,there is1 and no mistake4 ,but youre safe with me3 you ought to have sense enough to know that4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i am sorry to say1 ,molly1 that it is not merely us four poor weak creatures they want to kill1 but the entire race of ,man1 except themselves4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,not so poor neither1 ,poppa4 ,nor so weak1 if you are going to take in all the ,powers4 ,if it comes to killing1 two can play at that game1 longlived or shortlived4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no1 ,ambrose3 we should have no chance4 ,we are worms beside these fearful people3 mere worms4 ,zozim comes from the temple1 robed majestically1 and wearing a wreath of mistletoe in his flowing white wig4 ,his false beard reaches almost to his waist4 ,he carries a staff with a curiously carved top4 ,,zozim in the doorway1 impressively ,hail1 strangers6 ,,all reverently ,hail6 ,,zozim4 ,are ye prepared8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,we are4 ,,zozim unexpectedly becoming conversational1 and strolling down carelessly to the middle of the group between the two ladies ,well1 ,i'm sorry to say the oracle is not4 ,she was delayed by some member of your party who got loose2 and as the show takes a bit of arranging1 you will have to wait a few minutes4 ,the ladies can go inside and look round the entrance hall and get pictures and things if they want them4 ,thank you4 ,,the ,,wife together ,i should like to1 ,they go into ,,the ,,daughter very much4 the temple ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman in dignified rebuke of ,zozim's levity ,taken in this spirit1 sir1 the show1 as you call it1 becomes almost an insult to our common sense4 ,,zozim4 ,quite1 ,i should say4 ,you need not keep it up with me4 ,,the ,,envoy suddenly making himself very agreeable ,just so3 just so4 ,we can wait as long as you please4 ,and now1 if ,i may be allowed to seize the opportunity of a few minutes' friendly chat--8 ,,zozim4 ,by all means1 if only you will talk about things ,i can understand4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,well1 about this colonizing plan of yours4 ,my father-in-law here has been telling me something about it2 and he has just now let out that you want not only to colonize us1 but to--to--to--well1 shall we say to supersede us8 ,now why supersede us8 ,why not live and let live8 ,theres not a scrap of ill-feeling on our side4 ,we should welcome a colony of immortals--we may almost call you that--in the ,british ,middle ,east4 ,no doubt the ,turanian ,empire1 with its ,mahometan traditions1 overshadows us now4 ,we have had to bring the ,emperor with us on this expedition1 though of course you know as well as ,i do that he has imposed himself on my party just to spy on me4 ,i dont deny that he has the whip hand of us to some extent1 because if it came to a war none of our generals could stand up against him4 ,i give him best at that game3 he is the finest soldier in the world4 ,besides1 he is an emperor and an autocrat2 and ,i am only an elected representative of the ,british democracy4 ,not that our ,british democrats wont fight3 they will fight the heads off all the ,turanians that ever walked2 but then it takes so long to work them up to it1 while he has only to say the word and march4 ,but you people would never get on with him4 ,believe me1 you would not be as comfortable in ,turania as you would be with us4 ,we understand you4 ,we like you4 ,we are easy-going people2 and we are rich people4 ,that will appeal to you4 ,turania is a poor place when all is said4 ,five-eighths of it is desert4 ,they dont irrigate as we do4 ,besides--now ,i am sure this will appeal to you and to all right-minded men--we are ,christians4 ,,zozim4 ,the old uns prefer ,mahometans4 ,,the ,,envoy shocked ,what6 ,,zozim distinctly ,they prefer ,mahometans4 ,whats wrong with that8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,well1 of all the disgraceful-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman diplomatically interrupting his scandalized son-in-law ,there can be no doubt1 ,i am afraid1 that by clinging too long to the obsolete features of the old pseudo-,christian ,churches we allowed the ,mahometans to get ahead of us at a very critical period of the development of the ,eastern world4 ,when the ,mahometan ,reformation took place1 it left its followers with the enormous advantage of having the only established religion in the world in whose articles of faith any intelligent and educated person could believe4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,but what about our ,reformation8 ,dont give the show away1 ,poppa4 ,we followed suit1 didnt we8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,unfortunately1 ,ambrose1 we could not follow suit very rapidly4 ,we had not only a religion to deal with1 but a ,church4 ,,zozim4 ,what is a ,church8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,not know what a ,church is6 ,well6 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,you must excuse me2 but if ,i attempted to explain you would only ask me what a bishop is2 and that is a question that no mortal man can answer4 ,all ,i can tell you is that ,mahomet was a truly wise man2 for he founded a religion without a ,church2 consequently when the time came for a ,reformation of the mosques there were no bishops and priests to obstruct it4 ,our bishops and priests prevented us for two hundred years from following suit2 and we have never recovered the start we lost then4 ,i can only plead that we did reform our ,church at last4 ,no doubt we had to make a few compromises as a matter of good taste2 but there is now very little in our ,articles of ,religion that is not accepted as at least allegorically true by our ,higher ,criticism4 ,,the ,,envoy encouragingly ,besides1 does it matter8 ,why1 ,i have never read the ,articles in my life2 and ,i am ,prime ,minister6 ,come6 if my services in arranging for the reception of a colonizing party would be acceptable1 they are at your disposal4 ,and when ,i say a reception ,i mean a reception4 ,royal honors1 mind you6 ,a salute of a hundred and one guns6 ,the streets lined with troops6 ,the ,guards turned out at the ,palace6 ,dinner at the ,guildhall6 ,,zozim4 ,discourage me if ,i know what youre talking about6 ,i wish ,zoo would come3 she understands these things4 ,all ,i can tell you is that the general opinion among the ,colonizers is in favor of beginning in a country where the people are of a different color from us2 so that we can make short work without any risk of mistakes4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,what do you mean by short work8 ,i hope-- ,,zozim with obviously feigned geniality ,oh1 nothing1 nothing1 nothing4 ,we are thinking of trying ,north ,america3 thats all4 ,you see1 the ,red ,men of that country used to be white4 ,they passed through a period of sallow complexions1 followed by a period of no complexions at all1 into the red characteristic of their climate4 ,besides1 several cases of long life have occurred in ,north ,america4 ,they joined us here2 and their stock soon reverted to the original white of these islands4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,but have you considered the possibility of your colony turning red8 ,,zozim4 ,that wont matter4 ,we are not particular about our pigmentation4 ,the old books mention red-faced ,englishmen3 they appear to have been common objects at one time4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman very persuasively ,but do you think you would be popular in ,north ,america8 ,it seems to me1 if ,i may say so1 that on your own shewing you need a country in which society is organized in a series of highly exclusive circles1 in which the privacy of private life is very jealously guarded1 and in which no one presumes to speak to anyone else without an introduction following a strict examination of social credentials4 ,it is only in such a country that persons of special tastes and attainments can form a little world of their own1 and protect themselves absolutely from intrusion by common persons4 ,i think ,i may claim that our ,british society has developed this exclusiveness to perfection4 ,if you would pay us a visit and see the working of our caste system1 our club system1 our guild system1 you would admit that nowhere else in the world1 least of all1 perhaps in ,north ,america1 which has a regrettable tradition of social promiscuity1 could you keep yourselves so entirely to yourselves4 ,,zozim good-naturedly embarrassed ,look here4 ,there is no good discussing this4 ,i had rather not explain2 but it wont make any difference to our ,colonizers what sort of short-livers they come across4 ,we shall arrange all that4 ,never mind how4 ,let us join the ladies4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman throwing off his diplomatic attitude and abandoning himself to despair ,we understand you only too well1 sir4 ,well1 kill us4 ,end the lives you have made miserably unhappy by opening up to us the possibility that any of us may live three hundred years4 ,i solemnly curse that possibility4 ,to you it may be a blessing1 because you do live three hundred years4 ,to us1 who live less than a hundred1 whose flesh is as grass1 it is the most unbearable burden our poor tortured humanity has ever groaned under4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,hullo1 ,poppa6 ,steady6 ,how do you make that out8 ,,zozim4 ,what is three hundred years8 ,short enough1 if you ask me4 ,why1 in the old days you people lived on the assumption that you were going to last out for ever and ever and ever4 ,immortal1 you thought yourselves4 ,were you any happier then8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,as ,president of the ,baghdad ,historical ,society ,i am in a position to inform you that the communities which took this monstrous pretension seriously were the most wretched of which we have any record4 ,my ,society has printed an editio princeps of the works of the father of history1 ,thucyderodotus ,macolly-buckle4 ,have you read his account of what was blasphemously called the ,perfect ,city of ,god1 and the attempt made to reproduce it in the northern part of these islands by ,jonhobsnoxius1 called the ,leviathan8 ,those misguided people sacrificed the fragment of life that was granted to them to an imaginary immortality4 ,they crucified the prophet who told them to take no thought for the morrow1 and that here and now was their ,australia3 ,australia being a term signifying paradise1 or an eternity of bliss4 ,they tried to produce a condition of death in life3 to mortify the flesh1 as they called it4 ,,zozim4 ,well1 you are not suffering from that1 are you8 ,you have not a mortified air4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,naturally we are not absolutely insane and suicidal4 ,nevertheless we impose on ourselves abstinences and disciplines and studies that are meant to prepare us for living three centuries4 ,and we seldom live one4 ,my childhood was made unnecessarily painful1 my boyhood unnecessarily laborious1 by ridiculous preparations for a length of days which the chances were fifty thousand to one against my ever attaining4 ,i have been cheated out of the natural joys and freedoms of my life by this dream to which the existence of these islands and their oracles gives a delusive possibility of realization4 ,i curse the day when long life was invented1 just as the victims of ,jonhobsnoxius cursed the day when eternal life was invented4 ,,zozim4 ,pooh6 ,you could live three centuries if you chose4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,that is what the fortunate always say to the unfortunate4 ,well1 ,i do not choose4 ,i accept my three score and ten years4 ,if they are filled with usefulness1 with justice1 with mercy1 with good-will3 if they are the lifetime of a soul that never loses its honor and a brain that never loses its eagerness1 they are enough for me1 because these things are infinite and eternal1 and can make ten of my years as long as thirty of yours4 ,i shall not conclude by saying live as long as you like and be damned to you1 because ,i have risen for the moment far above any ill-will to you or to any fellow-creature2 but ,i am your equal before that eternity in which the difference between your lifetime and mine is as the difference between one drop of water and three in the eyes of the ,almighty ,power from which we have both proceeded4 ,,zozim impressed ,you spoke that piece very well1 ,daddy4 ,i couldnt talk like that if ,i tried4 ,it sounded fine4 ,ah6 here comes the ladies4 ,to his relief1 they have just appeared on the threshold of the temple4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman passing from exaltation to distress ,it means nothing to him3 in this land of discouragement the sublime has become the ridiculous4 ,turning on the hopelessly puzzled ,zozim ',behold1 thou hast made my days as it were a span long2 and mine age is even as nothing in respect of thee4' ,poppa1 ,poppa3 dont look like ,,the ,,wife4 running that4 ,,the ,,daughter4to him ,oh1 granpa1 whats the matter8 ,,zozim with a shrug ,discouragement6 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman throwing off the women with a superb gesture ,liar6 ,recollecting himself1 he adds1 with noble courtesy1 raising his hat and bowing ,i beg your pardon1 sir2 but ,i am ,,not discouraged4 ,a burst of orchestral music1 through which a powerful gong sounds1 is heard from the temple4 ,zoo1 in a purple robe1 appears in the doorway4 ,,zoo4 ,come4 ,the oracle is ready4 ,zozim motions them to the threshold with a wave of his staff4 ,the ,envoy and the ,elderly ,gentleman take off their hats and go into the temple on tiptoe1 ,zoo leading the way4 ,the ,wife and ,daughter1 frightened as they are1 raise their heads uppishly and follow flatfooted1 sustained by a sense of their ,sunday clothes and social consequence4 ,zozim remains in the portico1 alone4 ,,zozim taking off his wig1 beard1 and robe1 and bundling them under his arm ,ouf6 ,he goes home4 ,,act ,,iii ,inside the temple4 ,a gallery overhanging an abyss4 ,dead silence4 ,the gallery is brightly lighted2 but beyond is a vast gloom1 continually changing in intensity4 ,a shaft of violet light shoots upward2 and a very harmonious and silvery carillon chimes4 ,when it ceases the violet ray vanishes4 ,zoo comes along the gallery1 followed by the ,envoy's daughter1 his wife1 the ,envoy himself1 and the ,elderly ,gentleman4 ,the two men are holding their hats with the brims near their noses1 as if prepared to pray into them at a moment's notice4 ,zoo halts3 they all follow her example4 ,they contemplate the void with awe4 ,organ music of the kind called sacred in the nineteenth century begins4 ,their awe deepens4 ,the violet ray1 now a diffused mist1 rises again from the abyss4 ,,the ,,wife to ,zoo1 in a reverent whisper ,shall we kneel8 ,,zoo loudly ,yes1 if you want to4 ,you can stand on your head if you like4 ,she sits down carelessly on the gallery railing1 with her back to the abyss4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman jarred by her callousness ,we desire to behave in a becoming manner4 ,,zoo4 ,very well4 ,behave just as you feel4 ,it doesn't matter how you behave4 ,but keep your wits about you when the pythoness ascends1 or you will forget the questions you have come to ask her4 ,,the ,,envoy very nervous1 takes out a paper to simul- refresh his memory ,ahem6 ,,the ,,daughter taneouslyalarmed ,the pythoness8 ,is she a snake8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,tch-ch6 ,the priestess of the oracle4 ,a sybil4 ,a prophetess4 ,not a snake4 ,,the ,,wife4 ,how awful6 ,,zoo4 ,i'm glad you think so4 ,,the ,,wife4 ,oh dear6 ,dont you think so8 ,,zoo4 ,no4 ,this sort of thing is got up to impress you1 not to impress me4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i wish you would let it impress us1 then1 madam4 ,i am deeply impressed2 but you are spoiling the effect4 ,,zoo4 ,you just wait4 ,all this business with colored lights and chords on that old organ is only tomfoolery4 ,wait til you see the pythoness4 ,the ,envoy's wife falls on her knees1 and takes refuge in prayer4 ,,the ,,daughter trembling ,are we really going to see a woman who has lived three hundred years8 ,,zoo4 ,stuff6 ,youd drop dead if a tertiary as much as looked at you4 ,the oracle is only a hundred and seventy2 and you'll find it hard enough to stand her4 ,,the ,,daughter piteously ,oh6 she falls on her knees4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,whew6 ,stand by me1 ,poppa4 ,this is a little more than ,i bargained for4 ,are you going to kneel2 or how8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,perhaps it would be in better taste4 ,the two men kneel4 ,the vapor of the abyss thickens2 and a distant roll of thunder seems to come from its depths4 ,the pythoness1 seated on her tripod1 rises slowly from it4 ,she has discarded the insulating robe and veil in which she conversed with ,napoleon1 and is now draped and hooded in voluminous folds of a single piece of grey-white stuff4 ,something supernatural about her terrifies the beholders1 who throw themselves on their faces4 ,her outline flows and waves3 she is almost distinct at moments1 and again vague and shadowy3 above all1 she is larger than life-size1 not enough to be measured by the flustered congregation1 but enough to affect them with a dreadful sense of her supernaturalness4 ,,zoo4 ,get up1 get up4 ,do pull yourselves together1 you people4 ,the ,envoy and his family1 by shuddering negatively1 intimate that it is impossible4 ,the ,elderly ,gentleman manages to get on his hands and knees4 ,,zoo4 ,come on1 ,daddy3 you are not afraid4 ,speak to her4 ,she wont wait here all day for you1 you know4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman rising very deferentially to his feet ,madam3 you will excuse my very natural nervousness in addressing1 for the first time in my life1 a--a--a--a goddess4 ,my friend and relative the ,envoy is unhinged4 ,i throw myself upon your indulgence-- ,,zoo interrupting him intolerantly ,dont throw yourself on anything belonging to her or you will go right through her and break your neck4 ,she isnt solid1 like you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,i was speaking figuratively-- ,,zoo4 ,you have been told not to do it4 ,ask her what you want to know2 and be quick about it4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman stooping and taking the prostrate ,envoy by the shoulders ,ambrose3 you must make an effort4 ,you cannot go back to ,baghdad without the answers to your questions4 ,,the ,,envoy rising to his knees ,i shall be only too glad to get back alive on any terms4 ,if my legs would support me ,i'd just do a bunk straight for the ship4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no1 no4 ,remember3 your dignity-- ,,the ,,envoy4 ,dignity be damned6 ,i'm terrified4 ,take me away1 for ,god's sake4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman producing a brandy flask and taking the cap off ,try some of this4 ,it is still nearly full1 thank goodness6 ,,the ,,envoy clutching it and drinking eagerly ,ah6 ,thats better4 ,he tries to drink again4 ,finding that he has emptied it1 he hands it back to his father-in-law upside down4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman taking it ,great heavens6 ,he has swallowed half-a-pint of neat brandy4 ,much perturbed1 he screws the cap on again1 and pockets the flask4 ,,the ,,envoy staggering to his feet2 pulling a paper from his pocket2 and speaking with boisterous confidence ,get up1 ,molly4 ,up with you1 ,eth4 ,the two women rise to their knees4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,what ,i want to ask is this4 ,he refers to the paper4 ,ahem6 ,civilization has reached a crisis4 ,we are at the parting of the ways4 ,we stand on the brink of the ,rubicon4 ,shall we take the plunge8 ,already a leaf has been torn out of the book of the ,sybil4 ,shall we wait until the whole volume is consumed8 ,on our right is the crater of the volcano3 on our left the precipice4 ,one false step1 and we go down to annihilation dragging the whole human race with us4 ,he pauses for breath4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman recovering his spirits under the familiar stimulus of political oratory ,hear1 hear6 ,,zoo4 ,what are you raving about8 ,ask your question while you have the chance4 ,what is it you want to know8 ,,the ,,envoy patronizing her in the manner of a ,premier debating with a very young member of the ,opposition ,a young woman asks me a question4 ,i am always glad to see the young taking an interest in politics4 ,it is an impatient question2 but it is a practical question1 an intelligent question4 ,she asks why we seek to lift a corner of the veil that shrouds the future from our feeble vision4 ,,zoo4 ,i don't4 ,i ask you to tell the oracle what you want1 and not keep her sitting there all day4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman warmly ,order1 order6 ,,zoo4 ,what does ',order1 order6' mean8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,i ask the august oracle to listen to my voice-- ,,zoo4 ,you people seem never to tire of listening to your voices2 but it doesn't amuse us4 ,what do you want8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,i want1 young woman1 to be allowed to proceed without unseemly interruptions4 ,a low roll of thunder comes from the abyss4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,there6 ,even the oracle is indignant4 ,to the ,envoy ,do not allow yourself to be put down by this lady's rude clamor1 ,ambrose4 ,take no notice4 ,proceed4 ,,the ,,envoy',s ,,wife4 ,i cant bear this much longer1 ,amby4 ,remember3 ,i havn't had any brandy4 ,,his ,,daughter trembling ,there are serpents curling in the vapor4 ,i am afraid of the lightning4 ,finish it1 ,papa2 or ,i shall die4 ,,the ,,envoy sternly ,silence4 ,the destiny of ,british civilization is at stake4 ,trust me4 ,i am not afraid4 ,as ,i was saying--where was ,i8 ,,zoo4 ,i don't know4 ,does anybody8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman tactfully ,you were just coming to the election1 ,i think4 ,,the ,,envoy reassured ,just so4 ,the election4 ,now what we want to know is this3 ought we to dissolve in ,august1 or put it off until next spring8 ,,zoo4 ,dissolve8 ,in what8 ,thunder4 ,oh6 ,my fault this time4 ,that means that the oracle understands you1 and desires me to hold my tongue4 ,,the ,,envoy fervently ,i thank the oracle4 ,,the ,,wife to ,zoo ,serve you right6 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,before the oracle replies1 ,i should like to be allowed to state a few of the reasons why1 in my opinion1 the ,government should hold on until the spring4 ,in the first-- ,terrific lightning and thunder4 ,the ,elderly ,gentleman is knocked flat2 but as he immediately sits up again dazedly it is clear that he is none the worse for the shock4 ,the ladies cower in terror4 ,the ,envoy's hat is blown off2 but he seizes it just as it quits his temples1 and holds it on with both hands4 ,he is recklessly drunk1 but quite articulate1 as he seldom speaks in public without taking stimulants beforehand4 ,,the ,,envoy taking one hand from his hat to make a gesture of stilling the tempest ,thats enough4 ,we know how to take a hint4 ,i'll put the case in three words4 ,i am the leader of the ,potterbill party4 ,my party is in power4 ,i am ,prime ,minister4 ,the ,opposition--the ,rotterjacks--have won every bye-election for the last six months4 ,they-- ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman scrambling heatedly to his feet ,not by fair means4 ,by bribery1 by misrepresentation1 by pandering to the vilest prejudices muttered thunder--,i beg your pardon he is silent4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,never mind the bribery and lies4 ,the oracle knows all about that4 ,the point is that though our five years will not expire until the year after next1 our majority will be eaten away at the bye-elections by about ,easter4 ,we can't wait3 we must start some question that will excite the public1 and go to the country on it4 ,but some of us say do it now4 ,others say wait til the spring4 ,we cant make up our minds one way or the other4 ,which would you advise8 ,,zoo4 ,but what is the question that is to excite your public8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,that doesnt matter4 ,i dont know yet4 ,we will find a question all right enough4 ,the oracle can foresee the future3 we cannot4 ,thunder4 ,what does that mean8 ,what have ,i done now8 ,,zoo4 severely ,how often must you be told that we cannot foresee the future8 ,there is no such thing as the future until it is the present4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,allow me to point out1 madam1 that when the ,potterbill party sent to consult the oracle fifteen years ago1 the oracle prophesied that the ,potterbills would be victorious at the ,general ,election2 and they were4 ,so it is evident that the oracle can foresee the future1 and is sometimes willing to reveal it4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,quite true4 ,thank you1 ,poppa4 ,i appeal now1 over your head1 young woman1 direct to the ,august ,oracle1 to repeat the signal favor conferred on my illustrious predecessor1 ,sir ,fuller ,eastwind1 and to answer me exactly as he was answered4 ,the oracle raises her hands to command silence4 ,,all4 ,sh-sh-sh6 ,invisible trombones utter three solemn blasts in the manner of ,die ,zauberflte4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,may ,i-- ,,zoo quickly ,hush4 ,the oracle is going to speak4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,go home1 poor fool4 ,she vanishes2 and the atmosphere changes to prosaic daylight4 ,zoo comes off the railing2 throws off her robe2 makes a bundle of it2 and tucks it under her arm4 ,the magic and mystery are gone4 ,the women rise to their feet4 ,the ,envoy's party stare at one another helplessly4 ,,zoo4 ,the same reply1 word for word1 that your illustrious predecessor1 as you call him1 got fifteen years ago4 ,you asked for it2 and you got it4 ,and just think of all the important questions you might have asked4 ,she would have answered them1 you know4 ,it is always like that4 ,i will go and arrange to have you sent home3 you can wait for me in the entrance hall she goes out4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,what possessed me to ask for the same answer old ,eastwind got8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,but it was not the same answer4 ,the answer to ,eastwind was an inspiration to our party for years4 ,it won us the election4 ,,the ,,envoy',s ,,daughter4 ,i learnt it at school1 granpa4 ,it wasn't the same at all4 ,i can repeat it4 ,she quotes ',when ,britain was cradled in the west1 the east wind hardened her and made her great4 ,whilst the east wind prevails ,britain shall prosper4 ,the east wind shall wither ,britain's enemies in the day of contest4 ,let the ,rotterjacks look to it4' ,,the ,,envoy4 ,the old man invented that4 ,i see it all4 ,he was a doddering old ass when he came to consult the oracle4 ,the oracle naturally said ',go home1 poor fool4' ,there was no sense in saying that to me2 but as that girl said1 ,i asked for it4 ,what else could the poor old chap do but fake up an answer fit for publication8 ,there were whispers about it2 but nobody believed them4 ,i believe them now4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,oh1 ,i cannot admit that ,sir ,fuller ,eastwind was capable of such a fraud4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,he was capable of anything3 ,i knew his private secretary4 ,and now what are we going to say8 ,you don't suppose ,i am going back to ,baghdad to tell the ,british ,empire that the oracle called me a fool1 do you8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,surely we must tell the truth1 however painful it may be to our feelings4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,i am not thinking of my feelings3 ,i am not so selfish as that1 thank ,god4 ,i am thinking of the country3 of our party4 ,the truth1 as you call it1 would put the ,rotterjacks in for the next twenty years4 ,it would be the end of me politically4 ,not that ,i care for that3 ,i am only too willing to retire if you can find a better man4 ,dont hesitate on my account4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no1 ,ambrose3 you are indispensable4 ,there is no one else4 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,very well1 then4 ,what are you going to do8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,my dear ,ambrose1 you are the leader of the party1 not ,i4 ,what are you going to do8 ,,the ,,envoy4 ,i am going to tell the exact truth2 thats what ,i'm going to do4 ,do you take me for a liar8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman puzzled ,oh4 ,i beg your pardon4 ,i understood you to say-- ,,the ,,envoy cutting him short ,you understood me to say that ,i am going back to ,baghdad to tell the ,british electorate that the oracle repeated to me1 word for word1 what it said to ,sir ,fuller ,eastwind fifteen years ago4 ,molly and ,ethel can bear me out4 ,so must you1 if you are an honest man4 ,come on4 ,he goes out1 followed by his wife and daughter4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman left alone and shrinking into an old and desolate figure ,what am ,i to do8 ,i am a most perplexed and wretched man4 ,he falls on his knees1 and stretches his hands in entreaty over the abyss4 ,i invoke the oracle4 ,i cannot go back and connive at a blasphemous lie4 ,i implore guidance4 ,the ,pythoness walks in on the gallery behind him1 and touches him on the shoulder4 ,her size is now natural4 ,her face is hidden by her hood4 ,he flinches as if from an electric shock2 turns to her2 and cowers1 covering his eyes in terror4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,no3 not close to me4 ,i'm afraid ,i can't bear it4 ,,the ,,oracle with grave pity ,come3 look at me4 ,i am my natural size now3 what you saw there was only a foolish picture of me thrown on a cloud by a lantern4 ,how can ,i help you8 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,they have gone back to lie about your answer4 ,i cannot go with them4 ,i cannot live among people to whom nothing is real4 ,i have become incapable of it through my stay here4 ,i implore to be allowed to stay4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,my friend3 if you stay with us you will die of discouragement4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,if ,i go back ,i shall die of disgust and despair4 ,i take the nobler risk4 ,i beg you1 do not cast me out4 ,he catches her robe and holds her4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,take care4 ,i have been here one hundred and seventy years4 ,your death does not mean to me what it means to you4 ,,the ,,elderly ,,gentleman4 ,it is the meaning of life1 not of death1 that makes banishment so terrible to me4 ,,the ,,oracle4 ,be it so1 then4 ,you may stay4 ,she offers him her hands4 ,he grasps them and raises himself a little by clinging to her4 ,she looks steadily into his face4 ,he stiffens2 a little convulsion shakes him2 his grasp relaxes2 and he falls dead4 ,,the ,,oracle looking down at the body ,poor shortlived thing6 ,what else could ,i do for you8 ,,part ,v4 ,as ,far as ,thought can ,reach ,summer afternoon in the year #ca1ibj ,a4,d4 ,a sunlit glade at the southern foot of a thickly wooded hill4 ,on the west side of it1 the steps and columned porch of a dainty little classic temple4 ,between it and the hill1 a rising path to the wooded heights begins with rough steps of stones in the moss4 ,on the opposite side1 a grove4 ,in the middle of the glade1 an altar in the form of a low marble table as long as a man1 set parallel to the temple steps and pointing to the hill4 ,curved marble benches radiate from it into the foreground2 but they are not joined to it3 there is plenty of space to pass between the altar and the benches4 ,a dance of youths and maidens is in progress4 ,the music is provided by a few fluteplayers seated carelessly on the steps of the temple4 ,there are no children2 and none of the dancers seems younger than eighteen4 ,some of the youths have beards4 ,their dress1 like the architecture of the theatre and the design of the altar and curved seats1 resembles ,grecian of the fourth century ,b4,c41 freely handled4 ,they move with perfect balance and remarkable grace1 racing through a figure like a farandole4 ,they neither romp nor hug in our manner4 ,at the first full close they clap their hands to stop the musicians1 who recommence with a saraband1 during which a strange figure appears on the path beyond the temple4 ,he is deep in thought1 with his eyes closed and his feet feeling automatically for the rough irregular steps as he slowly descends them4 ,except for a sort of linen kilt consisting mainly of a girdle carrying a sporran and a few minor pockets1 he is naked4 ,in physical hardihood and uprightness he seems to be in the prime of life2 and his eyes and mouth shew no signs of age2 but his face1 though fully and firmly fleshed1 bears a network of lines1 varying from furrows to hairbreadth reticulations1 as if ,time had worked over every inch of it incessantly through whole geologic periods4 ,his head is finely domed and utterly bald4 ,except for his eyelashes he is quite hairless4 ,he is unconscious of his surroundings1 and walks right into one of the dancing couples1 separating them4 ,he wakes up and stares about him4 ,the couple stop indignantly4 ,the rest stop4 ,the music stops4 ,the youth whom he has jostled accosts him without malice1 but without anything that we should call manners4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,now1 then1 ancient sleepwalker1 why don't you keep your eyes open and mind where you are going8 ,,the ,,ancient mild1 bland1 and indulgent ,i did not know there was a nursery here1 or ,i should not have turned my face in this direction4 ,such accidents cannot always be avoided4 ,go on with your play3 ,i will turn back4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,why not stay with us and enjoy life for once in a way8 ,we will teach you to dance4 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,no1 thank you4 ,i danced when ,i was a child like you4 ,dancing is a very crude attempt to get into the rhythm of life4 ,it would be painful to me to go back from that rhythm to your babyish gambols3 in fact ,i could not do it if ,i tried4 ,but at your age it is pleasant3 and ,i am sorry ,i disturbed you4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,come6 own up3 arnt you very unhappy8 ,it's dreadful to see you ancients going about by yourselves1 never noticing anything1 never dancing1 never laughing1 never singing1 never getting anything out of life4 ,none of us are going to be like that when we grow up4 ,it's a dog's life4 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,not at all4 ,you repeat that old phrase without knowing that there was once a creature on earth called a dog4 ,those who are interested in extinct forms of life will tell you that it loved the sound of its own voice and bounded about when it was happy1 just as you are doing here4 ,it is you1 my children1 who are living the dog's life4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,the dog must have been a good sensible creature3 it set you a very wise example4 ,you should let yourself go occasionally and have a good time4 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,my children3 be content to let us ancients go our ways and enjoy ourselves in our own fashion4 ,he turns to go4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,but wait a moment4 ,why will you not tell us how you enjoy yourself8 ,you must have secret pleasures that you hide from us1 and that you never get tired of4 ,i get tired of all our dances and all our tunes4 ,i get tired of all my partners4 ,,the ,,youth suspiciously ,do you8 ,i shall bear that in mind4 ,they all look at one another as if there were some sinister significance in what she has said4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,we all do3 what is the use of pretending we don't8 ,it is natural4 ,,several ,,young ,,people4 ,no1 no4 ,we don't4 ,it is not natural4 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,you are older than he is1 ,i see4 ,you are growing up4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,how do you know8 ,i do not look so much older1 do ,i8 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,oh1 ,i was not looking at you4 ,your looks do not interest me4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,thank you4 ,they all laugh4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,you old fish6 ,i believe you don't know the difference between a man and a woman4 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,it has long ceased to interest me in the way it interests you4 ,and when anything no longer interests us we no longer know it4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,you havnt told me how ,i shew my age4 ,that is what ,i want to know4 ,as a matter of fact ,i am older than this boy here3 older than he thinks4 ,how did you find that out8 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,easily enough4 ,you are ceasing to pretend that these childish games--this dancing and singing and mating--do not become tiresome and unsatisfying after a while4 ,and you no longer care to pretend that you are younger than you are4 ,these are the signs of adolescence4 ,and then1 see these fantastic rags with which you have draped yourself4 ,he takes up a piece of her draperies in his hand4 ,it is rather badly worn here4 ,why do you not get a new one8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,oh1 ,i did not notice it4 ,besides1 it is too much trouble4 ,clothes are a nuisance4 ,i think ,i shall do without them some day1 as you ancients do4 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,signs of maturity4 ,soon you will give up all these toys and games and sweets4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,what6 ,and be as miserable as you8 ,,the ,,ancient4 ,infant3 one moment of the ecstasy of life as we live it would strike you dead4 ,he stalks gravely out through the grove4 ,they stare after him1 much damped4 ,,the ,,youth to the musicians ,let us have another dance4 ,the musicians shake their heads2 get up from their seats on the steps2 and troop away into the temple4 ,the others follow them1 except the ,maiden1 who sits down on the altar4 ,a ,,maiden as she goes ,there6 ,the ancient has put them out of countenance4 ,it is your fault1 ,strephon1 for provoking him4 ,she leaves1 much disappointed4 ,a ,,youth4 ,why need you have cheeked him like that8 ,he goes grumbling4 ,,strephon calling after him ,i thought it was understood that we are always to cheek the ancients on principle4 ,,another ,,youth4 ,quite right too6 ,there would be no holding them if we didn't4 ,he goes4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,why don't you really stand up to them8 ,i did4 ,,another ,,youth4 ,sheer1 abject1 pusillanimous1 dastardly cowardice4 ,thats why4 ,face the filthy truth4 ,he goes4 ,,another ,,youth turning on the steps as he goes out ,and don't you forget1 infant1 that one moment of the ecstasy of life as ,i live it would strike you dead4 ,haha6 ,,strephon now the only one left1 except the ,maiden ,arnt you coming1 ,chloe8 ,,the ,,maiden shakes her head6 ,,the ,,youth hurrying back to her ,what is the matter8 ,,the ,,maiden tragically pensive ,i dont know4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,then there is something the matter4 ,is that what you mean8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,yes4 ,something is happening to me4 ,i dont know what4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,you no longer love me4 ,i have seen it for a month past4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,dont you think all that is rather silly8 ,we cannot go on as if this kind of thing1 this dancing and sweethearting1 were everything4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,what is there better8 ,what else is there worth living for8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,oh1 stuff6 ,dont be frivolous4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,something horrible is happening to you4 ,you are losing all heart1 all feeling4 ,he sits on the altar beside her and buries his face in his hands4 ,i am bitterly unhappy4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,unhappy6 ,really1 you must have a very empty head if there is nothing in it but a dance with one girl who is no better than any of the other girls4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,you did not always think so4 ,you used to be vexed if ,i as much as looked at another girl4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,what does it matter what ,i did when ,i was a baby8 ,nothing existed for me then except what ,i tasted and touched and saw2 and ,i wanted all that for myself1 just as ,i wanted the moon to play with4 ,now the world is opening out for me4 ,more than the world3 the universe4 ,even little things are turning out to be great things1 and becoming intensely interesting4 ,have you ever thought about the properties of numbers8 ,,the ,,youth sitting up1 markedly disenchanted ,numbers666 ,i cannot imagine anything drier or more repulsive4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,they are fascinating1 just fascinating4 ,i want to get away from our eternal dancing and music1 and just sit down by myself and think about numbers4 ,,the ,,youth rising indignantly ,oh1 this is too much4 ,i have suspected you for some time past4 ,we have all suspected you4 ,all the girls say that you have deceived us as to your age3 that you are getting flat-chested3 that you are bored with us2 that you talk to the ancients when you get the chance4 ,tell me the truth3 how old are you8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,just twice your age1 my poor boy4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,twice my age6 ,do you mean to say you are four8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,very nearly four4 ,,the ,,youth collapsing on the altar with a groan ,oh6 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,my poor ,strephon3 ,i pretended ,i was only two for your sake4 ,i was two when you were born4 ,i saw you break from your shell2 and you were such a charming child6 ,you ran round and talked to us all so prettily1 and were so handsome and well grown1 that ,i lost my heart to you at once4 ,but now ,i seem to have lost it altogether3 bigger things are taking possession of me4 ,still1 we were very happy in our childish way for the first year1 werent we8 ,,strephon4 ,i was happy until you began cooling towards me4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,not towards you1 but towards all the trivialities of our life here4 ,just think4 ,i have hundreds of years to live3 perhaps thousands4 ,do you suppose ,i can spend centuries dancing2 listening to flutes ringing changes on a few tunes and a few notes2 raving about the beauty of a few pillars and arches2 making jingles with words2 lying about with your arms round me1 which is really neither comfortable nor convenient2 everlastingly choosing colors for dresses1 and putting them on1 and washing2 making a business of sitting together at fixed hours to absorb our nourishment2 taking little poisons with it to make us delirious enough to imagine we are enjoying ourselves2 and then having to pass the nights in shelters lying in cots and losing half our lives in a state of unconsciousness4 ,sleep is a shameful thing3 ,i have not slept at all for weeks past4 ,i have stolen out at night when you were all lying insensible--quite disgusting1 ,i call it--and wandered about the woods1 thinking1 thinking1 thinking2 grasping the world2 taking it to pieces2 building it up again2 devising methods2 planning experiments to test the methods2 and having a glorious time4 ,every morning ,i have come back here with greater and greater reluctance2 and ,i know that the time will soon come--perhaps it has come already--when ,i shall not come back at all4 ,,strephon4 ,how horribly cold and uncomfortable6 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,oh1 don't talk to me of comfort6 ,life is not worth living if you have to bother about comfort4 ,comfort makes winter a torture1 spring an illness1 summer an oppression1 and autumn only a respite4 ,the ancients could make life one long frowsty comfort if they chose4 ,but they never lift a finger to make themselves comfortable4 ,they will not sleep under a roof4 ,they will not clothe themselves3 a girdle with a few pockets hanging to it to carry things about in is all they wear3 they will sit down on the wet moss or in a gorse bush when there is dry heather within two yards of them4 ,two years ago1 when you were born1 ,i did not understand this4 ,now ,i feel that ,i would not put myself to the trouble of walking two paces for all the comfort in the world4 ,,strephon4 ,but you don't know what this means to me4 ,it means that you are dying to me3 yes1 just dying4 ,listen to me he puts his arm around her4 ,,the ,,maiden extricating herself ,dont4 ,we can talk quite as well without touching one another4 ,,strephon horrified ,chloe6 ,oh1 this is the worst symptom of all6 ,the ancients never touch one another4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,why should they8 ,,strephon4 ,oh1 ,i don't know4 ,but don't you want to touch me8 ,you used to4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,yes3 that is true3 ,i used to4 ,we used to think it would be nice to sleep in one another's arms2 but we never could go to sleep because our weight stopped our circulations just above the elbows4 ,then somehow my feeling began to change bit by bit4 ,i kept a sort of interest in your head and arms long after ,i lost interest in your whole body4 ,and now that has gone4 ,,strephon4 ,you no longer care for me at all1 then8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,nonsense6 ,i care for you much more seriously than before2 though perhaps not so much for you in particular4 ,i mean ,i care more for everybody4 ,but ,i don't want to touch you unnecessarily2 and ,i certainly don't want you to touch me4 ,,strephon rising decisively ,that finishes it4 ,you dislike me4 ,,the ,,maiden impatiently ,i tell you again1 ,i do not dislike you2 but you bore me when you cannot understand2 and ,i think ,i shall be happier by myself in future4 ,you had better get a new companion4 ,what about the girl who is to be born today8 ,,strephon4 ,i do not want the girl who is to be born today4 ,how do ,i know what she will be like8 ,i want you4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,you cannot have me4 ,you must recognize facts and face them4 ,it is no use running after a woman twice your age4 ,i cannot make my childhood last to please you4 ,the age of love is sweet2 but it is short2 and ,i must pay nature's debt4 ,you no longer attract me2 and ,i no longer care to attract you4 ,growth is too rapid at my age3 ,i am maturing from week to week4 ,,strephon4 ,you are maturing1 as you call it--,i call it ageing--from minute to minute4 ,you are going much further than you did when we began this conversation4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,it is not the ageing that is so rapid4 ,it is the realization of it when it has actually happened4 ,now that ,i have made up my mind to the fact that ,i have left childhood behind me1 it comes home to me in leaps and bounds with every word you say4 ,,strephon4 ,but your vow4 ,have you forgotten that8 ,we all swore together in that temple3 the temple of love4 ,you were more earnest than any of us4 ,,the ,,maiden with a grim smile ,never to let our hearts grow cold6 ,never to become as the ancients6 ,never to let the sacred lamp be extinguished6 ,never to change or forget6 ,to be remembered for ever as the first company of true lovers faithful to this vow so often made and broken by past generations6 ,ha6 ha6 ,oh1 dear6 ,,strephon4 ,well1 you need not laugh4 ,it is a beautiful and holy compact2 and ,i will keep it whilst ,i live4 ,are you going to break it8 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,dear child3 it has broken itself4 ,the change has come in spite of my childish vow4 ,she rises4 ,do you mind if ,i go into the woods for a walk by myself8 ,this chat of ours seems to me an unbearable waste of time4 ,i have so much to think of4 ,,strephon again collapsing on the altar and covering his eyes with his hands ,my heart is broken4 ,he weeps4 ,,the ,,maiden with a shrug ,i have luckily got through my childhood without that experience4 ,it shews how wise ,i was to choose a lover half my age4 ,she goes towards the grove1 and is disappearing among the trees1 when another youth1 older and manlier than ,strephon1 with crisp hair and firm arms1 comes from the temple1 and calls to her from the threshold4 ,,the ,,temple ,,youth4 ,i say1 ,chloe4 ,is there any sign of the ,ancient yet8 ,the hour of birth is overdue4 ,the baby is kicking like mad4 ,she will break her shell prematurely4 ,,the ,,maiden looks across to the hill path2 then points up it1 and says ,she is coming1 ,acis4 ,the ,maiden turns away through the grove and is lost to sight among the trees4 ,acis coming to ,strephon ,whats the matter8 ,has ,chloe been unkind8 ,,strephon4 ,she has grown up in spite of all her promises4 ,she deceived us about her age4 ,she is four4 ,,acis4 ,four6 ,i am sorry1 ,strephon4 ,i am getting on for three myself2 and ,i know what old age is4 ,i hate to say ',i told you so'2 but she was getting a little hard set and flat-chested and thin on the top1 wasn't she8 ,,strephon breaking down ,dont4 ,,acis4 ,you must pull yourself together4 ,this is going to be a busy day4 ,first the birth4 ,then the ,festival of the ,artists4 ,,strephon rising ,what is the use of being born if we have to decay into unnatural1 heartless1 loveless1 joyless monsters in four short years8 ,what use are the artists if they cannot bring their beautiful creations to life8 ,i have a great mind to die and have done with it all4 ,he moves away to the corner of the curved seat farthest from the theatre1 and throws himself moodily into it4 ,an ,ancient ,woman has descended the hill path during ,strephon's lament1 and has heard most of it4 ,she is like the ,he-,ancient1 equally bald1 and equally without sexual charm1 but intensely interesting and rather terrifying4 ,her sex is discoverable only by her voice1 as her breasts are manly1 and her figure otherwise not very different4 ,she wears no clothes1 but has draped herself rather perfunctorily with a ceremonial robe1 and carries two implements like long slender saws4 ,she comes to the altar between the two young men4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient to ,strephon ,infant3 you are only at the beginning of it all4 ,to ,acis ,is the child ready to be born8 ,,acis4 ,more than ready1 ,ancient4 ,shouting and kicking and cursing4 ,we have called to her to be quiet and wait until you come2 but of course she only half understands1 and is very impatient4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,very well4 ,bring her out into the sun4 ,,acis going quickly into the temple ,all ready4 ,come along4 ,joyous processional music strikes up in the temple4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient going close to ,strephon4 ,look at me4 ,,strephon sulkily keeping his face averted ,thank you2 but ,i don't want to be cured4 ,i had rather be miserable in my own way than callous in yours4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,you like being miserable8 ,you will soon grow out of that4 ,she returns to the altar4 ,the procession1 headed by ,acis1 emerges from the temple4 ,six youths carry on their shoulders a burden covered with a gorgeous but light pall4 ,before them certain official maidens carry a new tunic1 ewers of water1 silver dishes pierced with holes1 cloths1 and immense sponges4 ,the rest carry wands with ribbons1 and strew flowers4 ,the burden is deposited on the altar1 and the pall removed4 ,it is a huge egg4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient freeing her arms from her robe1 and placing her saws on the altar ready to her hand in a businesslike manner ,a girl1 ,i think you said8 ,,acis4 ,yes4 ,,the ,,tunic ,,bearer4 ,it is a shame4 ,why cant we have more boys8 ,,several ,,youths protesting ,not at all4 ,more girls4 ,we want new girls4 ,a ,,girl',s ,,voice ,,from ,,the ,,egg4 ,let me out4 ,let me out4 ,i want to be born4 ,i want to be born4 ,the egg rocks4 ,,acis snatching a wand from one of the others and whacking the egg with it ,be quiet1 ,i tell you4 ,wait4 ,you will be born presently4 ,,the ,,egg4 ,no1 no3 at once1 at once4 ,i want to be born3 ,i want to be born4 ,violent kicking within the egg1 which rocks so hard that it has to be held on the altar by the bearers4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,silence4 ,the music stops2 and the egg behaves itself4 ,the ,she-,ancient takes her two saws1 and with a couple of strokes rips the egg open4 ,the ,newly ,born1 a pretty girl who would have been guessed as seventeen in our day1 sits up in the broken shell1 exquisitely fresh and rosy1 but with filaments of spare albumen clinging to her here and there4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born as the world bursts on her vision ,oh6 ,oh66 ,oh666 ,oh6666 ,she continues this ad libitum during the following remonstrances4 ,,acis4 ,hold your noise1 will you8 ,the washing begins4 ,the ,newly ,born shrieks and struggles4 ,a ,,youth4 ,lie quiet1 you clammy little devil4 ,a ,,maiden4 ,you must be washed1 dear4 ,now quiet1 quiet1 quiet3 be good4 ,,acis4 ,shut your mouth1 or ,i'll shove the sponge in it4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,shut your eyes4 ,itll hurt if you don't4 ,,another ,,maiden4 ,dont be silly4 ,one would think nobody had ever been born before4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born yells666666 ,,acis4 ,serve you right6 ,you were told to shut your eyes4 ,,the ,,youth4 ,dry her off quick4 ,i can hardly hold her4 ,shut it1 will you2 or ,i'll smack you into a pickled cabbage4 ,the dressing begins4 ,the ,newly ,born chuckles with delight4 ,,the ,,maiden4 ,your arms go here1 dear4 ,isnt it pretty8 ,youll look lovely4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born rapturously ,oh6 ,oh66 ,oh666 ,oh6666 ,,another ,,youth4 ,no3 the other arm3 youre putting it on back to front4 ,you are a silly little beast4 ,,acis4 ,here6 ,thats it4 ,now youre clean and decent4 ,up with you6 ,oopsh6 ,he hauls her to her feet4 ,she cannot walk at first1 but masters it after a few steps4 ,now then3 march4 ,here she is1 ,ancient3 put her through the catechism4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,what name have you chosen for her8 ,,acis4 ,amaryllis4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient to the ,newly ,born ,your name is ,amaryllis4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what does it mean8 ,a ,,youth4 ,love4 ,a ,,maiden4 ,mother4 ,,another ,,youth4 ,lilies4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born to ,acis ,what is your name8 ,,acis4 ,acis4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i love you1 ,acis4 ,i must have you all to myself4 ,take me in your arms4 ,,acis4 ,steady1 young one4 ,i am three years old4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what has that to do with it8 ,i love you2 and ,i must have you or ,i will go back into my shell again4 ,,acis4 ,you cant4 ,it's broken4 ,look here pointing to ,strephon1 who has remained in his seal without looking round at the birth1 wrapped up in his sorrow6 ,look at this poor fellow6 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is the matter with him8 ,,acis4 ,when he was born he chose a girl two years old for his sweetheart4 ,he is two years old now himself2 and already his heart is broken because she is four4 ,that means that she has grown up like this ,ancient here1 and has left him4 ,if you choose me1 we shall have only a year's happiness before ,i break your heart by growing up4 ,better choose the youngest you can find4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i will not choose anyone but you4 ,you must not grow up4 ,we will love one another for ever4 ,they all laugh4 ,what are you laughing at8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,listen1 child-- ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,do not come near me1 you dreadful old creature4 ,you frighten me4 ,,acis4 ,just give her another moment4 ,she is not quite reasonable yet4 ,what can you expect from a child less than five minutes old8 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i think ,i feel a little more reasonable now4 ,of course ,i was rather young when ,i said that2 but the inside of my head is changing very rapidly4 ,i should like to have things explained to me4 ,,acis to the ,she-,ancient ,is she all right1 do you think8 ,the ,she-,ancient looks at the ,newly ,born critically2 feels her bumps like a phrenologist2 grips her muscles and shakes her limbs2 examines her teeth2 looks into her eyes for a moment2 and finally relinquishes her with an air of having finished her job4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,she will do4 ,she may live4 ,they all wave their hands and shout for joy4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born indignant ,i may live6 ,suppose there had been anything wrong with me8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,children with anything wrong do not live here1 my child4 ,life is not cheap with us4 ,but you would not have felt anything4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,you mean that you would have murdered me6 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,that is one of the funny words the newly born bring with them out of the past4 ,you will forget it tomorrow4 ,now listen4 ,you have four years of childhood before you4 ,you will not be very happy2 but you will be interested and amused by the novelty of the world2 and your companions here will teach you how to keep up an imitation of happiness during your four years by what they call arts and sports and pleasures4 ,the worst of your troubles is already over4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what6 ,in five minutes8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,no3 you have been growing for two years in the egg4 ,you began by being several sorts of creatures that no longer exist1 though we have fossils of them4 ,then you became human2 and you passed in fifteen months through a development that once cost human beings twenty years of awkward stumbling immaturity after they were born4 ,they had to spend fifty years more in the sort of childhood you will complete in four years4 ,and then they died of decay4 ,but you need not die until your accident comes4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is my accident8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,sooner or later you will fall and break your neck2 or a tree will fall on you2 or you will be struck by lightning4 ,something or other must make an end of you some day4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,but why should any of these things happen to me8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,there is no why4 ,they do4 ,everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough4 ,and with us there is eternity4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,nothing need happen4 ,i never heard such nonsense in all my life4 ,i shall know how to take care of myself4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,so you think4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i don't think3 ,i know4 ,i shall enjoy life for ever and ever4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,if you should turn out to be a person of infinite capacity1 you will no doubt find life infinitely interesting4 ,however1 all you have to do now is to play with your companions4 ,they have many pretty toys1 as you see3 a playhouse1 pictures1 images1 flowers1 bright fabrics1 music3 above all1 themselves2 for the most amusing child's toy is another child4 ,at the end of four years1 your mind will change3 you will become wise2 and then you will be entrusted with power4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,but ,i want power now4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,no doubt you do2 so that you could play with the world by tearing it to pieces4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,only to see how it is made4 ,i should put it all together again much better than before4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,there was a time when children were given the world to play with because they promised to improve it4 ,they did not improve it2 and they would have wrecked it had their power been as great as that which you will wield when you are no longer a child4 ,until then your young companions will instruct you in whatever is necessary4 ,you are not forbidden to speak to the ancients2 but you had better not do so1 as most of them have long ago exhausted all the interest there is in observing children and conversing with them4 ,she turns to go4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,wait4 ,tell me some things that ,i ought to do and ought not to do4 ,i feel the need of education4 ,they all laugh at her1 except the ,she-,ancient4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,you will have grown out of that by tomorrow4 ,do what you please4 ,she goes away up the hill path4 ,the officials take their paraphernalia and the fragments of the egg back into the temple4 ,,acis4 ,just fancy3 that old girl has been going for seven hundred years and hasnt had her fatal accident yet2 and she is not a bit tired of it all4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,how could anyone ever get tired of life8 ,,acis4 ,they do4 ,that is1 of the same life4 ,they manage to change themselves in a wonderful way4 ,you meet them sometimes with a lot of extra heads and arms and legs3 they make you split laughing at them4 ,most of them have forgotten how to speak3 the ones that attend to us have to brush up their knowledge of the language once a year or so4 ,nothing makes any difference to them that ,i can see4 ,they never enjoy themselves4 ,i don't know how they can stand it4 ,they don't even come to our festivals of the arts4 ,that old one who saw you out of your shell has gone off to moodle about doing nothing2 though she knows that this is ,festival ,day8 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is ,festival ,day8 ,,acis4 ,two of our greatest sculptors are bringing us their latest masterpieces2 and we are going to crown them with flowers and sing dithyrambs to them and dance round them4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,how jolly6 ,what is a sculptor8 ,,acis4 ,listen here1 young one4 ,you must find out things for yourself1 and not ask questions4 ,for the first day or two you must keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut4 ,children should be seen and not heard4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,who are you calling a child8 ,i am fully a quarter of an hour old ,she sits down on the curved bench near ,strephon with her maturest air4 ,,voices ,,in ,,the ,,temple all expressing protest1 disappointment1 disgust ,oh6 ,oh6 ,scandalous4 ,shameful4 ,disgraceful4 ,what filth6 ,is this a joke8 ,why1 theyre ancients6 ,ss-s-s-sss6 ,are you mad1 ,arjillax8 ,this is an outrage4 ,an insult4 ,yah6 etc4 etc4 etc4 ,the malcontents appear on the steps1 grumbling4 ,,acis4 ,hullo3 whats the matter8 ,he goes to the steps of the temple4 ,the two sculptors issue from the temple4 ,one has a beard two feet long3 the other is beardless4 ,between them comes a handsome nymph with marked features1 dark hair richly waved1 and authoritative bearing4 ,,the ,,authoritative ,,nymph swooping down to the centre of the glade with the sculptors1 between ,acis and the ,newly ,born ,do not try to browbeat me1 ,arjillax1 merely because you are clever with your hands4 ,can you play the flute8 ,,arjillax the bearded sculptor on her right ,no1 ,ecrasia3 ,i cannot4 ,what has that to do with it8 ,he is half derisive1 half impatient1 wholly resolved not to take her seriously in spite of her beauty and imposing tone4 ,,ecrasia4 ,well1 have you ever hesitated to criticize our best flute players1 and to declare whether their music is good or bad8 ,pray have ,i not the same right to criticize your busts1 though ,i cannot make images anymore than you can play8 ,,arjillax4 ,any fool can play the flute1 or play anything else1 if he practises enough2 but sculpture is a creative art1 not a mere business of whistling into a pipe4 ,the sculptor must have something of the god in him4 ,from his hand comes a form which reflects a spirit4 ,he does not make it to please you1 nor even to please himself1 but because he must4 ,you must take what he gives you1 or leave it if you are not worthy of it4 ,,ecrasia scornfully ,not worthy of it6 ,ho6 ,may ,i not leave it because it is not worthy of me8 ,,arjillax4 ,of you6 ,hold your silly tongue1 you conceited humbug4 ,what do you know about it8 ,,ecrasia4 ,i know what every person of culture knows3 that the business of the artist is to create beauty4 ,until today your works have been full of beauty2 and ,i have been the first to point that out4 ,,arjillax4 ,thank you for nothing4 ,people have eyes1 havnt they1 to see what is as plain as the sun in the heavens without your pointing it out8 ,,ecrasia4 ,you were very glad to have it pointed out4 ,you did not call me a conceited humbug then4 ,you stifled me with caresses4 ,you modelled me as the genius of art presiding over the infancy of your master here indicating the other sculptor1 ,martellus4 ,,martellus a silent and meditative listener1 shudders and shakes his head1 but says nothing4 ,,arjillax quarrelsomely ,i was taken in by your talk4 ,,ecrasia4 ,i discovered your genius before anyone else did4 ,is that true1 or is it not8 ,,arjillax4 ,everybody knew ,i was an extraordinary person4 ,when ,i was born my beard was three feet long4 ,,ecrasia4 ,yes2 and it has shrunk from three feet to two4 ,your genius seems to have been in the last foot of your beard2 for you have lost both4 ,,martellus with a short sardonic cachinnation ,ha6 ,my beard was three and a half feet long when ,i was born2 and a flash of lightning burnt it off and killed the ancient who was delivering me4 ,without a hair on my chin ,i became the greatest sculptor in ten generations4 ,,ecrasia4 ,and yet you come to us today with empty hands4 ,we shall actually have to crown ,arjillax here because no other sculptor is exhibiting4 ,,acis returning from the temple steps to behind the curved seat on the right of the three ,whats the row1 ,ecrasia8 ,why have you fallen out with ,arjillax8 ,,ecrasia4 ,he has insulted us6 outraged us6 profaned his art6 ,you know how much we hoped from the twelve busts he placed in the temple to be unveiled today4 ,well1 go in and look at them4 ,that is all ,i have to say4 ,she sweeps to the curved seat1 and sits down just where ,acis is leaning over it4 ,,acis4 ,i am no great judge of sculpture4 ,art is not my line4 ,what is wrong with the busts8 ,,ecrasia4 ,wrong with them6 ,instead of being ideally beautiful nymphs and youths1 they are horribly realistic studies of--but ,i really cannot bring my lips to utter it4 ,the ,newly ,born1 full of curiosity1 runs to the temple1 and peeps in4 ,,acis4 ,oh1 stow it1 ,ecrasia4 ,your lips are not so squeamish as all that4 ,studies of what8 ,,the ,,newly ,,born from the temple steps ,ancients4 ,,acis surprised but not scandalized ,ancients6 ,,ecrasia4 ,yes1 ancients4 ,the one subject that is by the universal consent of all connoisseurs absolutely excluded from the fine arts4 ,to ,arjillax ,how can you defend such a proceeding8 ,,arjillax4 ,if you come to that1 what interest can you find in the statues of smirking nymphs and posturing youths you stick up all over the place8 ,,ecrasia4 ,you did not ask that when your hand was still skilful enough to model them4 ,,arjillax4 ,skilful6 ,you high-nosed idiot1 ,i could turn such things out by the score with my eyes bandaged and one hand tied behind me4 ,but what use would they be8 ,they would bore me2 and they would bore you if you had any sense4 ,go in and look at my busts4 ,look at them again and yet again until you receive the full impression of the intensity of mind that is stamped on them2 and then go back to the pretty-pretty confectionery you call sculpture1 and see whether you can endure its vapid emptiness4 ,he mounts the altar impetuously ,listen to me1 all of you2 and do you1 ,ecrasia1 be silent if you are capable of silence4 ,,ecrasia4 ,silence is the most perfect expression of scorn4 ,scorn6 ,that is what ,i feel for your revolting busts4 ,,arjillax4 ,fool3 the busts are only the beginning of a mighty design4 ,listen4 ,,acis4 ,go ahead1 old sport4 ,we are listening4 ,martellus stretches himself on the sward beside the altar4 ,the ,newly ,born sits on the temple steps with her chin on her hands1 ready to devour the first oration she has ever heard4 ,the rest sit or stand at ease4 ,,arjillax4 ,in the records which generations of children have rescued from the stupid neglect of the ancients1 there has come down to us a fable which1 like many fables1 is not a thing that was done in the past1 but a thing that is to be done in the future4 ,it is a legend of a supernatural being called the ,archangel ,michael4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,is this a story8 ,i want to hear a story4 ,she runs down the steps and sits on the altar at ,arjillax's feet4 ,,arjillax4 ,the ,archangel ,michael was a mighty sculptor and painter4 ,he found in the centre of the world a temple erected to the goddess of the centre1 called ,mediterranea4 ,this temple was full of silly pictures of pretty children1 such as ,ecrasia approves4 ,,acis4 ,fair play1 ,arjillax6 ,if she is to keep silent1 let her alone4 ,,ecrasia4 ,i shall not interrupt1 ,acis4 ,why should ,i not prefer youth and beauty to age and ugliness8 ,,arjillax4 ,just so4 ,well1 the ,archangel ,michael was of my opinion1 not yours4 ,he began by painting on the ceiling the newly born in all their childish beauty4 ,but when he had done this he was not satisfied2 for the temple was no more impressive than it had been before1 except that there was a strength and promise of greater things about his newly born ones than any other artist had attained to4 ,so he painted all round these newly born a company of ancients1 who were in those days called prophets and sybils1 whose majesty was that of the mind alone at its intensest4 ,and this painting was acknowledged through ages and ages to be the summit and masterpiece of art4 ,of course we cannot believe such a tale literally4 ,it is only a legend4 ,we do not believe in archangels2 and the notion that thirty thousand years ago sculpture and painting existed1 and had even reached the glorious perfection they have reached with us1 is absurd4 ,but what men cannot realize they can at least aspire to4 ,they please themselves by pretending that it was realized in a golden age of the past4 ,this splendid legend endured because it lived as a desire in the hearts of the greatest artists4 ,the temple of ,mediterranea never was built in the past1 nor did ,michael the ,archangel exist4 ,but today the temple is here he points to the porch2 and the man is here he slaps himself on the chest4 ,i1 ,arjillax1 am the man4 ,i will place in your theatre such images of the newly born as must satisfy even ,ecrasia's appetite for beauty2 and ,i will surround them with ancients more august than any who walk through our woods4 ,,martellus as before ,ha6 ,,arjillax stung ,why do you laugh1 you who have come empty-handed1 and1 it seems1 empty-headed8 ,,ecrasia rising indignantly ,oh1 shame6 ,you dare disparage ,martellus1 twenty times your master4 ,,acis4 ,be quiet1 will you he seizes her shoulders and thrusts her back into her seat4 ,,martellus4 ,let him disparage his fill1 ,ecrasia4 ,sitting up ,my poor ,arjillax1 ,i too had this dream4 ,i too found one day that my images of loveliness had become vapid1 uninteresting1 tedious1 a waste of time and material4 ,i too lost my desire to model limbs1 and retained only my interest in heads and faces4 ,i1 too1 made busts of ancients2 but ,i had not your courage3 ,i made them in secret1 and hid them from you all4 ,,arjillax jumping down from the altar behind ,martellus in his surprise and excitement ,you made busts of ancients6 ,where are they1 man8 ,will you be talked out of your inspiration by ,ecrasia and the fools who imagine she speaks with authority8 ,let us have them all set up beside mine in the theatre4 ,i have opened the way for you2 and you see ,i am none the worse4 ,,martellus4 ,impossible4 ,they are all smashed4 ,he rises1 laughing4 ,,all4 ,smashed6 ,,arjillax4 ,who smashed them8 ,,martellus4 ,i did4 ,that is why ,i laughed at you just now4 ,you will smash yours before you have completed a dozen of them4 ,he goes to the end of the altar and sits down beside the ,newly ,born4 ,,arjillax4 ,but why8 ,,martellus4 ,because you cannot give them life4 ,a live ancient is better than a dead statue4 ,he takes the ,newly ,born on his knee3 she is flattered and voluptuously responsive4 ,anything alive is better than anything that is only pretending to be alive4 ,to ,arjillax ,your disillusion with your works of beauty is only the beginning of your disillusion with images of all sorts4 ,as your hand became more skilful and your chisel cut deeper1 you strove to get nearer and nearer to truth and reality1 discarding the fleeting fleshly lure1 and making images of the mind that fascinates to the end4 ,but how can so noble an inspiration be satisfied with any image1 even an image of the truth8 ,in the end the intellectual conscience that tore you away from the fleeting in art to the eternal must tear you away from art altogether1 because art is false and life alone is true4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born flings her arms round his neck and kisses him enthusiastically4 ,,martellus rises2 carries her to the curved bench on his left2 deposits her beside ,strephon as if she were his overcoat2 and continues without the least change of tone ,shape it as you will1 marble remains marble1 and the graven image an idol4 ,as ,i have broken my idols1 and cast away my chisel and modelling tools1 so will you too break these busts of yours4 ,,arjillax4 ,never4 ,,martellus4 ,wait1 my friend4 ,i do not come empty-handed today1 as you imagined4 ,on the contrary1 ,i bring with me such a work of art as you have never seen1 and an artist who has surpassed both you and me further than we have surpassed all our competitors4 ,,ecrasia4 ,impossible4 ,the greatest things in art can never be surpassed4 ,,arjillax4 ,who is this paragon whom you declare greater than ,i8 ,,martellus4 ,i declare him greater than myself1 ,arjillax4 ,,arjillax frowning ,i understand4 ,sooner than not drown me1 you are willing to clasp me round the waist and jump overboard with me4 ,,acis4 ,oh1 stop squabbling4 ,that is the worst of you artists4 ,you are always in little squabbling cliques2 and the worst cliques are those which consist of one man4 ,who is this new fellow you are throwing in one another's teeth8 ,,arjillax4 ,ask ,martellus3 do not ask me4 ,i know nothing of him4 ,he leaves ,martellus1 and sits down beside ,ecrasia1 on her left4 ,,martellus4 ,you know him quite well4 ,pygmalion4 ,,ecrasia indignantly ,pygmalion6 ,that soulless creature6 ,a scientist6 ,a laboratory person6 ,,arjillax4 ,pygmalion produce a work of art6 ,you have lost your artistic senses4 ,the man is utterly incapable of modelling a thumb nail1 let alone a human figure4 ,,martellus4 ,that does not matter3 ,i have done the modelling for him4 ,,arjillax4 ,what on earth do you mean8 ,,martellus calling ,pygmalion3 come forth4 ,pygmalion1 a square-fingered youth with his face laid out in horizontal blocks1 and a perpetual smile of eager benevolent interest in everything1 and expectation of equal interest from everybody else1 comes from the temple to the centre of the group1 who regard him for the most part with dismay1 as dreading that he will bore them4 ,ecrasia is openly contemptuous4 ,,martellus4 ,friends3 it is unfortunate that ,pygmalion is constitutionally incapable of exhibiting anything without first giving a lecture about it to explain it2 but ,i promise you that if you will be patient he will shew you the two most wonderful works of art in the world1 and that they will contain some of my own very best workmanship4 ,let me add that they will inspire a loathing that will cure you of the lunacy of art for ever4 ,he sits down next the ,newly ,born1 who pouts and turns a very cold right shoulder to him1 a demonstration utterly lost on him4 ,pygmalion1 with the smile of a simpleton1 and the eager confidence of a fanatical scientist1 climbs awkwardly on to the altar4 ,they prepare for the worst4 ,,pygmalion4 ,my friends3 ,i will omit the algebra-- ,,acis4 ,thank ,god6 ,,pygmalion continuing--because ,martellus has made me promise to do so4 ,to come to the point1 ,i have succeeded in making artificial human beings4 ,real live ones1 ,i mean4 ,,incredulous ,,voices4 ,oh1 come6 ,tell us another4 ,really1 ,pyg6 ,get out4 ,you havnt4 ,what a lie6 ,,pygmalion4 ,i tell you ,i have4 ,i will shew them to you4 ,it has been done before4 ,one of the very oldest documents we possess mentions a tradition of a biologist who extracted certain unspecified minerals from the earth and1 as it quaintly expresses it1 'breathed into their nostrils the breath of life4' ,this is the only tradition from the primitive ages which we can regard as really scientific4 ,there are later documents which specify the minerals with great precision1 even to their atomic weights2 but they are utterly unscientific1 because they overlook the element of life which makes all the difference between a mere mixture of salts and gases and a living organism4 ,these mixtures were made over and over again in the crude laboratories of the ,silly-,clever ,ages2 but nothing came of them until the ingredient which the old chronicler called the breath of life was added by this very remarkable early experimenter4 ,in my view he was the founder of biological science4 ,,arjillax4 ,is that all we know about him8 ,it doesnt amount to very much1 does it8 ,,pygmalion4 ,there are some fragments of pictures and documents which represent him as walking in a garden and advising people to cultivate their gardens4 ,his name has come down to us in several forms4 ,one of them is ,jove4 ,another is ,voltaire4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you are boring us to distraction with your ,voltaire4 ,what about your human beings8 ,,arjillax4 ,aye3 come to them4 ,,pygmalion4 ,i assure you that these details are intensely interesting4 ,cries of ,no6 ,they are not6 ,come to the human beings6 ,conspuez ,voltaire6 ,cut it short1 ,pyg6 interrupt him from all sides4 ,you will see their bearing presently4 ,i promise you ,i will not detain you long4 ,we know1 we children of science1 that the universe is full of forces and powers and energies of one kind and another4 ,the sap rising in a tree1 the stone holding together in a definite crystalline structure1 the thought of a philosopher holding his brain in form and operation with an inconceivably powerful grip1 the urge of evolution3 all these forces can be used by us4 ,for instance1 ,i use the force of gravitation when ,i put a stone on my tunic to prevent it being blown away when ,i am bathing4 ,by substituting appropriate machines for the stone we have made not only gravitation our slave1 but also electricity and magnetism1 atomic attraction1 repulsion1 polarization1 and so forth4 ,but hitherto the vital force has eluded us2 so it has had to create machinery for itself4 ,it has created and developed bony structures of the requisite strength1 and clothed them with cellular tissue of such amazing sensitiveness that the organs it forms will adapt their action to all the normal variations in the air they breathe1 the food they digest1 and the circumstances about which they have to think4 ,yet1 as these live bodies1 as we call them1 are only machines after all1 it must be possible to construct them mechanically4 ,,arjillax4 ,everything is possible4 ,have you done it8 that is the question4 ,,pygmalion4 ,yes4 ,but that is a mere fact4 ,what is interesting is the explanation of the fact4 ,forgive my saying so2 but it is such a pity that you artists have no intellect4 ,,ecrasia sententiously ,i do not admit that4 ,the artist divines by inspiration all the truths that the so-called scientist grubs up in his laboratory slowly and stupidly long afterwards4 ,,arjillax to ,ecrasia1 quarrelsomely ,what do you know about it8 ,you are not an artist4 ,,acis4 ,shut your heads1 both of you4 ,let us have the artificial men4 ,trot them out1 ,pygmalion4 ,,pygmalion4 ,it is a man and a woman4 ,but ,i really must explain first4 ,,all groaning666 ,,pygmalion4 ,yes3 ,i-- ,,acis4 ,we want results1 not explanations4 ,,pygmalion hurt ,i see ,i am boring you4 ,not one of you takes the least interest in science4 ,goodbye4 ,he descends from the altar and makes for the temple4 ,,several ,,youths ,,and ,,maidens rising and rushing to him ,no1 no4 ,dont go4 ,dont be offended4 ,we want to see the artificial pair4 ,we will listen4 ,we are tremendously interested4 ,tell us all about it4 ,,pygmalion relenting ,i shall not detain you two minutes4 ,,all4 ,half an hour if you like4 ,please go on1 ,pygmalion4 ,they rush him back to the altar1 and hoist him on to it4 ,up you go4 ,they return to their former places4 ,,pygmalion4 ,as ,i told you1 lots of attempts were made to produce protoplasm in the laboratory4 ,why were these synthetic plasms1 as they called them1 no use8 ,,ecrasia4 ,we are waiting for you to tell us4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born modelling herself on ,ecrasia1 and trying to outdo her intellectually ,clearly because they were dead4 ,,pygmalion4 ,not bad for a baby1 my pet4 ,but dead and alive are very loose terms4 ,you are not half as much alive as you will be in another month or so4 ,what was wrong with the synthetic protoplasm was that it could not fix and conduct the ,life ,force4 ,it was like a wooden magnet or a lightning conductor made of silk3 it would not take the current4 ,,acis4 ,nobody but a fool would make a wooden magnet1 and expect it to attract anything4 ,,pygmalion4 ,he might if he were so ignorant as not to be able to distinguish between wood and soft iron4 ,in those days they were very ignorant of the differences between things1 because their methods of analysis were crude4 ,they mixed up messes that were so like protoplasm that they could not tell the difference4 ,but the difference was there1 though their analysis was too superficial and incomplete to detect it4 ,you must remember that these poor devils were very little better than our idiots3 we should never dream of letting one of them survive the day of its birth4 ,why1 the ,newly ,born there already knows by instinct many things that their greatest physicists could hardly arrive at by forty years of strenuous study4 ,her simple direct sense of space-time and quantity unconsciously solves problems which cost their most famous mathematicians years of prolonged and laborious calculations requiring such intense mental application that they frequently forgot to breathe when engaged in them1 and almost suffocated themselves in consequence4 ,,ecrasia4 ,leave these obscure prehistoric abortions2 and come back to your synthetic man and woman4 ,,pygmalion4 ,when ,i undertook the task of making synthetic men1 ,i did not waste my time on protoplasm4 ,it was evident to me that if it were possible to make protoplasm in the laboratory1 it must be equally possible to begin higher up and make fully evolved muscular and nervous tissues1 bone1 and so forth4 ,why make the seed when the making of the flower would be no greater miracle8 ,i tried thousands of combinations before ,i succeeded in producing anything that would fix high-potential ,life ,force4 ,,arjillax4 ,high what8 ,,pygmalion4 ,high-po-tential4 ,the ,life ,force is not so simple as you think4 ,a high-potential current of it will turn a bit of dead tissue into a philosopher's brain4 ,a low-potential current will reduce the same bit of tissue to a mass of corruption4 ,will you believe me when ,i tell you that1 even in man himself1 the ,life ,force used to slip suddenly down from its human level to that of a fungus1 so that men found their flesh no longer growing as flesh1 but proliferating horribly in a lower form which was called cancer1 until the lower form of life killed the higher1 and both perished together miserably8 ,,martellus4 ,keep off the primitive tribes1 ,pygmalion4 ,they interest you2 but they bore these young things4 ,,pygmalion4 ,i am only trying to make you understand4 ,there was the ,life ,force raging all round me3 there was ,i1 trying to make organs that would capture it as a battery captures electricity1 and tissues that would conduct it and operate it4 ,it was easy enough to make eyes more perfect than our own1 and ears with a larger range of sound2 but they could neither see nor hear1 because they were not susceptible to the ,life ,force4 ,but it was far worse when ,i discovered how to make them susceptible2 for the first thing that happened was that they ceased to be eyes and ears and turned into heaps of maggots4 ,,ecrasia4 ,disgusting6 ,please stop4 ,,acis4 ,if you don't want to hear1 go away4 ,you go ahead1 ,pyg4 ,,pygmalion4 ,i went ahead4 ,you see1 the lower potentials of the ,life ,force could make maggots1 but not human eyes or ears4 ,i improved the tissue until it was susceptible to a higher potential4 ,,arjillax intensely interested ,yes2 and then8 ,,pygmalion4 ,then the eyes and ears turned into cancers4 ,,ecrasia4 ,oh1 hideous6 ,,pygmalion4 ,not at all4 ,that was a great advance4 ,it encouraged me so much that ,i put aside the eyes and ears1 and made a brain4 ,it wouldn't take the ,life ,force at all until ,i had altered its constitution a dozen times2 but when it did1 it took a much higher potential1 and did not dissolve2 and neither did the eyes and ears when ,i connected them up with the brain4 ,i was able to make a sort of monster3 a thing without arms or legs2 and it really and truly lived for half-an-hour4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,half-an-hour6 ,what good was that8 ,why did it die8 ,,pygmalion4 ,its blood went wrong4 ,but ,i got that right2 and then ,i went ahead with a complete human body3 arms and legs and all4 ,he was my first man4 ,,arjillax4 ,who modelled him8 ,,pygmalion4 ,i did4 ,,martellus4 ,do you mean to say you tried your own hand before you sent for me8 ,,pygmalion4 ,bless you1 yes1 several times4 ,my first man was the ghastliest creature3 a more dreadful mixture of horror and absurdity than you who have not seen him can conceive4 ,,arjillax4 ,if you modelled him1 he must indeed have been a spectacle4 ,,pygmalion4 ,oh1 it was not his shape4 ,you see ,i did not invent that4 ,i took actual measurements and moulds from my own body4 ,sculptors do that sometimes1 you know2 though they pretend they don't4 ,,martellus4 ,hm6 ,,arjillax4 ,hah6 ,,pygmalion4 ,he was all right to look at1 at first1 or nearly so4 ,but he behaved in the most appalling manner2 and the subsequent developments were so disgusting that ,i really cannot describe them to you4 ,he seized all sorts of things and swallowed them4 ,he drank every fluid in the laboratory4 ,i tried to explain to him that he must take nothing that he could not digest and assimilate completely2 but of course he could not understand me4 ,he assimilated a little of what he swallowed2 but the process left horrible residues which he had no means of getting rid of4 ,his blood turned to poison2 and he perished in torments1 howling4 ,i then perceived that ,i had produced a prehistoric man2 for there are certain traces in our own bodies of arrangements which enabled the earlier forms of mankind to renew their bodies by swallowing flesh and grains and vegetables and all sorts of unnatural and hideous foods1 and getting rid of what they could not digest4 ,,ecrasia4 ,but what a pity he died6 ,what a glimpse of the past we have lost6 ,he could have told us stories of the ,golden ,age4 ,,pygmalion4 ,not he4 ,he was a most dangerous beast4 ,he was afraid of me1 and actually tried to kill me by snatching up things and striking at me with them4 ,i had to give him two or three pretty severe shocks before ,i convinced him that he was at my mercy4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,why did you not make a woman instead of a man8 ,she would have known how to behave herself4 ,,martellus4 ,why did you not make a man and a woman8 ,their children would have been interesting4 ,,pygmalion4 ,i intended to make a woman2 but after my experience with the man it was out of the question4 ,,ecrasia4 ,pray why8 ,,pygmalion4 ,well1 it is difficult to explain if you have not studied prehistoric methods of reproduction4 ,you see the only sort of men and women ,i could make were men and women just like us as far as their bodies were concerned4 ,that was how ,i killed the poor beast of a man4 ,i hadnt provided for his horrible prehistoric methods of feeding himself4 ,suppose the woman had reproduced in some prehistoric way instead of being oviparous as we are8 ,she couldn't have done it with a modern female body4 ,besides1 the experiment might have been painful4 ,,ecrasia4 ,then you have nothing to shew us at all8 ,,pygmalion4 ,oh yes ,i have4 ,i am not so easily beaten as that4 ,i set to work again for months to find out how to make a digestive system that would deal with waste products and a reproductive system capable of internal nourishment and incubation4 ,,ecrasia4 ,why did you not find out how to make them like us8 ,,strephon crying out in his grief for the first time ,why did you not make a woman whom you could love8 ,that was the secret you needed4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh yes4 ,how true6 ,how great of you1 darling ,strephon6 ,she kisses him impulsively4 ,,strephon passionately ,let me alone4 ,,martellus4 ,control your reflexes1 child4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,my what6 ,,martellus4 ,your reflexes4 ,the things you do without thinking4 ,pygmalion is going to shew you a pair of human creatures who are all reflexes and nothing else4 ,take warning by them4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,but wont they be alive1 like us8 ,,pygmalion4 ,that is a very difficult question to answer1 my dear4 ,i confess ,i thought at first ,i had created living creatures2 but ,martellus declares they are only automata4 ,but then ,martellus is a mystic3 ,i am a man of science4 ,he draws a line between an automaton and a living organism4 ,i cannot draw that line to my own satisfaction4 ,,martellus4 ,your artificial men have no self-control4 ,they only respond to stimuli from without4 ,,pygmalion4 ,but they are conscious4 ,i have taught them to talk and read2 and now they tell lies4 ,that is so very lifelike4 ,,martellus4 ,not at all4 ,if they were alive they would tell the truth4 ,you can provoke them to tell any silly lie2 and you can foresee exactly the sort of lie they will tell4 ,give them a clip below the knee1 and they will jerk their foot forward4 ,give them a clip in their appetites or vanities or any of their lusts and greeds1 and they will boast and lie1 and affirm and deny1 and hate and love without the slightest regard to the facts that are staring them in the face1 or to their own obvious limitations4 ,that proves that they are automata4 ,,pygmalion unconvinced ,i know1 dear old chap2 but there really is some evidence that we are descended from creatures quite as limited and absurd as these4 ,after all1 the baby there is three-quarters an automaton4 ,look at the way she has been going on6 ,,the ,,newly ,,born indignantly ,what do you mean8 ,how have ,i been going on8 ,,ecrasia4 ,if they have no regard for truth1 they can have no real vitality4 ,,pygmalion4 ,truth is sometimes so artificial3 so relative1 as we say in the scientific world1 that it is very hard to feel quite sure that what is false and even ridiculous to us may not be true to them4 ,,ecrasia4 ,i ask you again1 why did you not make them like us8 ,would any true artist be content with less than the best8 ,,pygmalion4 ,i couldnt4 ,i tried4 ,i failed4 ,i am convinced that what ,i am about to shew you is the very highest living organism that can be produced in the laboratory4 ,the best tissues we can manufacture will not take as high potentials as the natural product3 that is where ,nature beats us4 ,you dont seem to understand1 any of you1 what an enormous triumph it was to produce consciousness at all4 ,,acis4 ,cut the cackle2 and come to the synthetic couple4 ,,several ,,youths ,,and ,,maidens4 ,yes1 yes4 ,no more talking4 ,let us have them4 ,dry up1 ,pyg2 and fetch them along4 ,come on3 out with them6 ,the synthetic couple4 ,,pygmalion waving his hands to appease them ,very well1 very well4 ,will you please whistle for them8 ,they respond to the stimulus of a whistle4 ,all who can1 whistle like streetboys4 ,,ecrasia makes a wry face and puts her fingers in her ears6 ,,pygmalion4 ,sh-sh-sh6 ,thats enough3 thats enough3 thats enough4 ,silence4 ,now let us have some music4 ,a dance tune4 ,not too fast4 ,the flutists play a quiet dance4 ,,martellus4 ,prepare yourselves for something ghastly4 ,two figures1 a man and woman of noble appearance1 beautifully modelled and splendidly attired1 emerge hand in hand from the temple4 ,seeing that all eyes are fixed on them1 they halt on the steps1 smiling with gratified vanity4 ,the woman is on the man's left4 ,,pygmalion rubbing his hands with the purring satisfaction of a creator ,this way1 please4 ,the ,figures advance condescendingly and pose themselves centrally between the curved seats4 ,,pygmalion4 ,now if you will be so good as to oblige us with a little something4 ,you dance so beautifully1 you know4 ,he sits down next ,martellus1 and whispers to him ,it is extraordinary how sensitive they are to the stimulus of flattery4 ,the ,figures1 with a gracious air1 dance pompously1 but very passably4 ,at the close they bow to one another4 ,,on ,,all ,,hands clapping ,bravo6 ,thank you4 ,wonderful6 ,splendid4 ,perfect4 ,the ,figures acknowledge the applause in an obvious condition of swelled head4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,can they make love8 ,,pygmalion4 ,yes3 they can respond to every stimulus4 ,they have all the reflexes4 ,put your arm round the man's neck1 and he will put his arm round your body4 ,he cannot help it4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure frowning ,round mine1 you mean4 ,,pygmalion4 ,yours1 too1 of course1 if the stimulus comes from you4 ,,ecrasia4 ,cannot he do anything original8 ,,pygmalion4 ,no4 ,but then1 you know1 ,i do not admit that any of us can do anything really original1 though ,martellus thinks we can4 ,,acis4 ,can he answer a question8 ,,pygmalion4 ,oh yes4 ,a question is a stimulus1 you know4 ,ask him one4 ,,acis to the ,male ,figure ,what do you think of what you see around you8 ,of us1 for instance1 and our ways and doings8 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,i have not seen the newspaper today4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,how can you expect my husband to know what to think of you if you give him his breakfast without his paper8 ,,martellus4 ,you see4 ,he is a mere automaton4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i don't think ,i should like him to put his arm round my neck4 ,i don't like them4 ,the ,male ,figure looks offended1 and the ,female jealous4 ,oh1 ,i thought they couldn't understand4 ,have they feelings8 ,,pygmalion4 ,of course they have4 ,i tell you they have all the reflexes4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,but feelings are not reflexes4 ,,pygmalion4 ,they are sensations4 ,when the rays of light enter their eyes and make a picture on their retinas1 their brains become conscious of the picture and they act accordingly4 ,when the waves of sound started by your speaking enter their ears and record a disparaging remark on their keyboards1 their brains become conscious of the disparagement and resent it accordingly4 ,if you did not disparage them they would not resent it4 ,they are merely responding to a stimulus4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,we are part of a cosmic system4 ,free will is an illusion4 ,we are the children of ,cause and ,effect4 ,we are the ,unalterable1 the ,irresistible1 the ,irresponsible1 the ,inevitable4 ,my name is ,ozymandias1 king of kings3 ,look on my works1 ye mighty1 and despair4 ,there is a general stir of curiosity at this4 ,,acis4 ,what the dickens does he mean8 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,silence1 base accident of ,nature4 ,this taking the hand of the ,female ,figure and introducing her is ,cleopatra-,semiramis1 consort of the king of kings1 and therefore queen of queens4 ,ye are things hatched from eggs by the brainless sun and the blind fire2 but the king of kings and queen of queens are not accidents of the egg3 they are thought-out and hand-made to receive the sacred ,life ,force4 ,there is one person of the king and one of the queen2 but the ,life ,force of the king and queen is all one3 the glory equal1 the majesty co-eternal4 ,such as the king is so is the queen1 the king thought-out and hand-made1 the queen thought-out and hand-made4 ,the actions of the king are caused1 and therefore determined1 from the beginning of the world to the end2 and the actions of the queen are likewise4 ,the king logical and predetermined and inevitable1 and the queen logical and predetermined and inevitable4 ,and yet they are not two logical and predetermined and inevitable1 but one logical and predetermined and inevitable4 ,therefore confound not the persons1 nor divide the substance3 but worship us twain as one throne1 two in one and one in two1 lest by error ye fall into irretrievable damnation4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,and if any say unto you ',which one8' remember that though there is one person of the king and one of the queen1 yet these two persons are not alike1 but are woman and man1 and that as woman was created after man1 the skill and practice gained in making him were added to her1 wherefore she is to be exalted above him in all personal respects1 and-- ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,peace1 woman2 for this is a damnable heresy4 ,both ,man and ,woman are what they are and must do what they must according to the eternal laws of ,cause and ,effect4 ,look to your words2 for if they enter my ear and jar too repugnantly on my sensorium1 who knows that the inevitable response to that stimulus may not be a message to my muscles to snatch up some heavy object and break you in pieces4 ,the ,female ,figure picks up a stone and is about to throw it at her consort4 ,,arjillax springing up and shouting to ,pygmalion1 who is fondly watching the ,male ,figure ,look out1 ,pygmalion6 ,look at the woman6 ,pygmalion1 seeing what is happening1 hurls himself on the ,female ,figure and wrenches the stone out of her hand4 ,all spring up in consternation4 ,,arjillax4 ,she meant to kill him4 ,,strephon4 ,this is horrible4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure wrestling with ,pygmalion ,let me go4 ,let me go1 will you she bites his hand4 ,,pygmalion releasing her and staggering ,oh6 ,a general shriek of horror echoes his exclamation4 ,he turns deadly pale1 and supports himself against the end of the curved seat4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure to her consort ,you would stand there and let me be treated like this1 you unmanly coward4 ,pygmalion falls dead4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh6 ,whats the matter8 ,why did he fall6 ,what has happened to him8 ,they look on anxiously as ,martellus kneels down and examines the body of ,pygmalion4 ,,martellus4 ,she has bitten a piece out of his hand nearly as large as a finger nail3 enough to kill ten men4 ,there is no pulse1 no breath4 ,,ecrasia4 ,but his thumb is clinched4 ,,martellus4 ,no3 it has just straightened out4 ,see6 ,he has gone4 ,poor ,pygmalion6 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh6 ,she weeps4 ,,strephon4 ,hush1 dear3 thats childish4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born subsiding with a sniff66 ,,martellus rising ,dead in his third year4 ,what a loss to ,science6 ,,arjillax4 ,who cares about ,science8 ,serve him right for making that pair of horrors6 ,,the ,,male ,,figure glaring ,ha6 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,keep a civil tongue in your head1 you4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh1 do not be so unkind1 ,arjillax4 ,you will make water come out of my eyes again4 ,,martellus contemplating the ,figures ,just look at these two devils4 ,i modelled them out of the stuff ,pygmalion made for them4 ,they are masterpieces of art4 ,and see what they have done6 ,does that convince you of the value of art1 ,arjillax6 ,,strephon4 ,they look dangerous4 ,keep away from them4 ,,ecrasia4 ,no need to tell us that1 ,strephon4 ,pf6 ,they poison the air4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,beware1 woman4 ,the wrath of ,ozymandias strikes like the lightning4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,you just say that again if you dare1 you filthy creature4 ,,acis4 ,what are you going to do with them1 ,martellus8 ,you are responsible for them1 now that ,pygmalion has gone4 ,,martellus4 ,if they were marble it would be simple enough3 ,i could smash them4 ,as it is1 how am ,i to kill them without making a horrible mess8 ,,the ,,male ,,figure posing heroically ,ha6 ,he declaims ,come one3 come all3 this rock shall fly ,from its firm base as soon as ,i4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure fondly ,my man6 ,my hero husband6 ,i am proud of you4 ,i love you4 ,,martellus4 ,we must send out a message for an ancient4 ,,acis4 ,need we bother an ancient about such a trifle8 ,it will take less than half a second to reduce our poor ,pygmalion to a pinch of dust4 ,why not calcine the two along with him8 ,,martellus4 ,no3 the two automata are trifles2 but the use of our powers of destruction is never a trifle4 ,i had rather have the case judged4 ,the ,he-,ancient emerges from the grove4 ,the ,figures are panic-stricken4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient mildly ,am ,i wanted8 ,i feel called4 ,seeing the body of ,pygmalion1 and immediately taking a sterner tone ,what6 ,a child lost6 ,a life wasted6 ,how has this happened8 ,,the ,,female ,,figure frantically ,i didn't do it4 ,it was not me4 ,may ,i be struck dead if ,i touched him6 ,it was he pointing to the ,male ,figure4 ,,all amazed at the lie ,oh6 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,liar4 ,you bit him4 ,everyone here saw you do it4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,silence4 ,going between the ,figures ,who made these two loathsome dolls8 ,,the ,,male ,,figure trying to assert himself with his knees knocking ,my name is ,ozymandias1 king of-- ,,the ,,he-,,ancient with a contemptuous gesture ,pooh6 ,,the ,,male ,,figure falling on his knees ,oh dont1 sir4 ,dont4 ,she did it1 sir3 indeed she did4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure howling lamentably ,boohoo6 oo6 ooh6 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,silence1 ,i say4 ,he knocks the ,male ,automaton upright by a very light flip under the chin4 ,the ,female ,automaton hardly dares to sob4 ,the immortals contemplate them with shame and loathing4 ,the ,she-,ancient comes from the trees opposite the temple4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,somebody wants me4 ,what is the matter8 ,she comes to the left hand of the ,female ,figure1 not seeing the body of ,pygmalion4 ,pf6 ,severely ,you have been making dolls4 ,you must not3 they are not only disgusting3 they are dangerous4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure snivelling piteously ,i'm not a doll1 mam4 ,i'm only poor ,cleopatra-,semiramis1 queen of queens4 ,covering her face with her hands ,oh1 don't look at me like that1 mam4 ,i meant no harm4 ,he hurt me3 indeed he did4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,the creature has killed that poor youth4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient seeing the body of ,pygmalion ,what6 ,this clever child1 who promised so well6 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,he made me4 ,i had as much right to kill him as he had to make me4 ,and how was ,i to know that a little thing like that would kill him8 ,i shouldn't die if he cut off my arm or leg4 ,,ecrasia4 ,what nonsense6 ,,martellus4 ,it may not be nonsense4 ,i daresay if you cut off her leg she would grow another1 like the lobsters and the little lizards4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,did this dead boy make these two things8 ,,martellus4 ,he made them in his laboratory4 ,i moulded their limbs4 ,i am sorry4 ,i was thoughtless3 ,i did not foresee that they would kill and pretend to be persons they were not1 and declare things that were false1 and wish evil4 ,i thought they would be merely mechanical fools4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,do you blame us for our human nature8 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,we are flesh and blood and not angels4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,have you no hearts8 ,,arjillax4 ,they are mad as well as mischievous4 ,may we not destroy them8 ,,strephon4 ,we abhor them4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,we loathe them4 ,,ecrasia4 ,they are noisome4 ,,acis4 ,i don't want to be hard on the poor devils2 but they are making me feel uneasy in my inside4 ,i never had such a sensation before4 ,,martellus4 ,i took a lot of trouble with them4 ,but as far as ,i am concerned1 destroy them by all means4 ,i loathed them from the beginning4 ,,all4 ,yes1 yes3 we all loathe them4 ,let us calcine them4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,oh1 don't be so cruel4 ,i'm not fit to die4 ,i will never bite anyone again4 ,i will tell the truth4 ,i will do good4 ,is it my fault if ,i was not made properly8 ,kill him2 but spare me4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure4 ,no6 ,i have done no harm3 she has4 ,kill her if you like3 you have no right to kill me4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,do you hear that8 ,they want to have one another killed4 ,,arjillax4 ,monstrous6 ,kill them both4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,silence4 ,these things are mere automata3 they cannot help shrinking from death at any cost4 ,you see that they have no self-control1 and are merely shuddering through a series of reflexes4 ,let us see whether we cannot put a little more life into them4 ,he takes the ,male ,figure by the hand1 and places his disengaged hand on its head4 ,now listen4 ,one of you two is to be destroyed4 ,which of you shall it be8 ,,the ,,male ,,figure after a slight convulsion during which his eyes are fixed on the ,he-,ancient ,spare her2 and kill me4 ,,strephon4 ,thats better4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,much better4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient handling the ,female ,automaton in the same manner ,which of you shall we kill8 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,kill us both4 ,how could either of us live without the other8 ,,ecrasia4 ,the woman is more sensible than the man4 ,the ,ancients release the ,automata4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure sinking to the ground ,i am discouraged4 ,life is too heavy a burden4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure collapsing ,i am dying4 ,i am glad4 ,i am afraid to live4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i think it would be nice to give the poor things a little music4 ,,arjillax4 ,why8 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i don't know4 ,but it would4 ,the ,musicians play4 ,,the ,,female ,,figure4 ,ozymandias3 do you hear that8 ,she rises on her knees and looks raptly into space ,queen of queens6 ,she dies4 ,,the ,,male ,,figure crawling feebly towards her until he reaches her hand ,i knew ,i was really a king of kings4 ,to the others ,illusions1 farewell3 we are going to our thrones4 ,he dies4 ,the music stops4 ,there is dead silence for a moment4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,that was funny4 ,,strephon4 ,it was4 ,even the ,ancients are smiling4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,just a little4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient quickly recovering her grave and peremptory manner ,take these two abominations away to ,pygmalion's laboratory1 and destroy them with the rest of the laboratory refuse4 ,some of them move to obey4 ,take care3 do not touch their flesh3 it is noxious3 lift them by their robes4 ,carry ,pygmalion into the temple2 and dispose of his remains in the usual way4 ,the three bodies are carried out as directed1 ,pygmalion into the temple by his bare arms and legs1 and the two ,figures through the grove by their clothes4 ,martellus superintends the removal of the ,figures1 ,acis that of ,pygmalion4 ,ecrasia1 ,arjillax1 ,strephon1 and the ,newly ,born sit down as before1 but on contrary benches2 so that ,strephon and the ,newly ,born now face the grove1 and ,ecrasia and ,arjillax the temple4 ,the ,ancients remain standing at the altar4 ,,ecrasia as she sits down ,oh for a breeze from the hills6 ,,strephon4 ,or the wind from the sea at the turn of the tide6 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i want some clean air4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,the air will be clean in a moment4 ,this doll flesh that children make decomposes quickly at best2 but when it is shaken by such passions as the creatures are capable of1 it breaks up at once and becomes horribly tainted4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,let it be a lesson to you all to be content with lifeless toys1 and not attempt to make living ones4 ,what would you think of us ancients if we made toys of you children8 ,,the ,,newly ,,born coaxingly ,why do you not make toys of us8 ,then you would play with us2 and that would be very nice4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,it would not amuse us4 ,when you play with one another you play with your bodies1 and that makes you supple and strong2 but if we played with you we should play with your minds1 and perhaps deform them4 ,,strephon4 ,you are a ghastly lot1 you ancients4 ,i shall kill myself when ,i am four years old4 ,what do you live for8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,you will find out when you grow up4 ,you will not kill yourself4 ,,strephon4 ,if you make me believe that1 ,i shall kill myself now4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh no4 ,i want you4 ,i love you4 ,,strephon4 ,i love someone else4 ,and she has gone old1 old4 ,lost to me for ever4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,how old8 ,,strephon4 ,you saw her when you barged into us as we were dancing4 ,she is four4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,how ,i should have hated her twenty minutes ago6 ,but ,i have grown out of that now4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,good4 ,that hatred is called jealousy1 the worst of our childish complaints4 ,martellus1 dusting his hands and puffing1 returns from the grove4 ,,martellus4 ,ouf6 ,he sits down next the ,newly ,born ,that job's finished4 ,,arjillax4 ,ancients3 ,i should like to make a few studies of you4 ,not portraits1 of course3 ,i shall idealize you a little4 ,i have come to the conclusion that you ancients are the most interesting subjects after all4 ,,martellus4 ,what6 ,have those two horrors1 whose ashes ,i have just deposited with peculiar pleasure in poor ,pygmalion's dustbin1 not cured you of this silly image-making6 ,,arjillax4 ,why did you model them as young things1 you fool8 ,if ,pygmalion had come to me1 ,i should have made ancients of them for him4 ,not that ,i should have modelled them any better4 ,i have always said that no one can beat you at your best as far as handwork is concerned4 ,but this job required brains4 ,that is where ,i should have come in4 ,,martellus4 ,well1 my brainy boy1 you are welcome to try your hand4 ,there are two of ,pygmalion's pupils at the laboratory who helped him to manufacture the bones and tissues and all the rest of it4 ,they can turn out a couple of new automatons2 and you can model them as ancients if this venerable pair will sit for you4 ,,ecrasia decisively ,no4 ,no more automata4 ,they are too disgusting4 ,,acis returning from the temple ,well1 thats done4 ,poor old ,pyg6 ,,ecrasia4 ,only fancy1 ,acis6 ,arjillax wants to make more of those abominable things1 and to destroy even their artistic character by making ancients of them4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,you wont sit for them1 will you8 ,please dont4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,children1 listen4 ,,acis striding down the steps to the bench and seating himself next ,ecrasia ,what6 ,even the ,ancient wants to make a speech6 ,give it mouth1 ,o ,sage4 ,,strephon4 ,for heaven's sake don't tell us that the earth was once inhabited by ,ozymandiases and ,cleopatras4 ,life is hard enough for us as it is4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,life is not meant to be easy1 my child2 but take courage3 it can be delightful4 ,what ,i wanted to tell you is that ever since men existed1 children have played with dolls4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you keep using that word4 ,what are dolls1 pray8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,what you call works of art4 ,images4 ,we call them dolls4 ,,arjillax4 ,just so4 ,you have no sense of art2 and you instinctively insult it4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,children have been known to make dolls out of rags1 and to caress them with the deepest fondness4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,eight centuries ago1 when ,i was a child1 ,i made a rag doll4 ,the rag doll is the dearest of all4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born eagerly interested ,oh6 ,have you got it still8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,i kept it a full week4 ,,ecrasia4 ,even in your childhood1 then1 you did not understand high art1 and adored your own amateur crudities4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,how old are you8 ,,ecrasia4 ,eight months4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,when you have lived as long as ,i have-- ,,ecrasia interrupting rudely ,i shall worship rag dolls1 perhaps4 ,thank heaven ,i am still in my prime4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,you are still capable of thanking1 though you do not know what you thank4 ,you are a thanking little animal1 a blaming little animal1 a-- ,,acis4 ,a gushing little animal4 ,,arjillax4 ,and1 as she thinks1 an artistic little animal4 ,,ecrasia nettled ,i am an animated being with a reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting4 ,if your ,automata had been properly animated1 ,martellus1 they would have been more successful4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,that is where you are wrong1 my child4 ,if those two loathsome things had been rag dolls1 they would have been amusing and lovable4 ,the ,newly ,born here would have played with them2 and you would all have laughed and played with them too until you had torn them to pieces2 and then you would have laughed more than ever4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,of course we should4 ,isnt that funny8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,when a thing is funny1 search it for a hidden truth4 ,,strephon4 ,yes2 and take all the fun out of it4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,do not be so embittered because your sweetheart has outgrown her love for you4 ,the ,newly ,born will make amends4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh yes3 ,i will be more than she could ever have been4 ,,strephon4 ,psha6 ,jealous6 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh no4 ,i have grown out of that4 ,i love her now because she loved you1 and because you love her4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,that is the next stage4 ,you are getting on very nicely1 my child4 ,,martellus4 ,come6 what is the truth that was hidden in the rag doll8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,well1 consider why you are not content with the rag doll1 and must have something more closely resembling a real living creature4 ,as you grow up you make images and paint pictures4 ,those of you who cannot do that make stories about imaginary dolls4 ,or you dress yourselves up as dolls and act plays about them4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,and1 to deceive yourself the more completely1 you take them so very very seriously that ,ecrasia here declares that the making of dolls is the holiest work of creation1 and the words you put into the mouths of dolls the sacredest of scriptures and the noblest of utterances4 ,,ecrasia4 ,tush6 ,,arjillax4 ,tosh6 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,yet the more beautiful they become the further they retreat from you4 ,you cannot caress them as you caress the rag doll4 ,you cannot cry for them when they are broken or lost1 or when you pretend they have been unkind to you1 as you could when you played with rag dolls4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,at last1 like ,pygmalion1 you demand from your dolls the final perfection of resemblance to life4 ,they must move and speak4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,they must love and hate4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,they must think that they think4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,they must have soft flesh and warm1 blood4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,and then1 when you have achieved this as ,pygmalion did2 when the marble masterpiece is dethroned by the automaton and the homo by the homunculus2 when the body and the brain1 the reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting1 as ,ecrasia says1 stand before you unmasked as mere machinery1 and your impulses are shewn to be nothing but reflexes1 you are filled with horror and loathing1 and would give worlds to be young enough to play with your rag doll again1 since every step away from it has been a step away from love and happiness4 ,is it not true8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,speak1 ,martellus3 you who have travelled the whole path4 ,,martellus4 ,it is true4 ,with fierce joy ,i turned a temperature of a million degrees on those two things ,i had modelled1 and saw them vanish in an instant into inoffensive dust4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,speak1 ,arjillax3 you who have advanced from imitating the lightly living child to the intensely living ancient4 ,is it true1 so far8 ,,arjillax4 ,it is partly true3 ,i cannot pretend to be satisfied now with modelling pretty children4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,and you1 ,ecrasia3 you cling to your highly artistic dolls as the noblest projections of the ,life ,force1 do you not8 ,,ecrasia4 ,without art1 the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born anticipating the ,she-,ancient1 who is evidently going to challenge her ,now you are coming to me1 because ,i am the latest arrival4 ,but ,i don't understand your art and your dolls at all4 ,i want to caress my darling ,strephon1 not to play with dolls4 ,,acis4 ,i am in my fourth year2 and ,i have got on very well without your dolls4 ,i had rather walk up a mountain and down again than look at all the statues ,martellus and ,arjillax ever made4 ,you prefer a statue to an automaton1 and a rag doll to a statue4 ,so do ,i2 but ,i prefer a man to a rag doll4 ,give me friends1 not dolls4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,yet ,i have seen you walking over the mountains alone4 ,have you not found your best friend in yourself8 ,,acis4 ,what are you driving at1 old one8 ,what does all this lead to8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,it leads1 young man1 to the truth that you can create nothing but yourself4 ,,acis musing ,i can create nothing but myself4 ,ecrasia3 you are clever4 ,do you understand it8 ,i don't4 ,,ecrasia4 ,it is as easy to understand as any other ignorant error4 ,what artist is as great as his own works8 ,he can create masterpieces2 but he cannot improve the shape of his own nose4 ,,acis4 ,there6 ,what have you to say to that1 old one8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,he can alter the shape of his own soul4 ,he could alter the shape of his nose if the difference between a turned-up nose and a turned-down one were worth the effort4 ,one does not face the throes of creation for trifles4 ,,acis4 ,what have you to say to that1 ,ecrasia8 ,,ecrasia4 ,i say that if the ancients had thoroughly grasped the theory of fine art they would understand that the difference between a beautiful nose and an ugly one is of supreme importance3 that it is indeed the only thing that matters4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,that is1 they would understand something they could not believe1 and that you do not believe4 ,,acis4 ,just so1 mam4 ,art is not honest3 that is why ,i never could stand much of it4 ,it is all make-believe4 ,ecrasia never really says things3 she only rattles her teeth in her mouth4 ,,ecrasia4 ,acis3 you are rude4 ,,acis4 ,you mean that ,i wont play the game of make-believe4 ,well1 ,i don't ask you to play it with me2 so why should you expect me to play it with you8 ,,ecrasia4 ,you have no right to say that ,i am not sincere4 ,i have found a happiness in art that real life has never given me4 ,i am intensely in earnest about art4 ,there is a magic and mystery in art that you know nothing of4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,yes1 child3 art is the magic mirror you make to reflect your invisible dreams in visible pictures4 ,you use a glass mirror to see your face3 you use works of art to see your soul4 ,but we who are older use neither glass mirrors nor works of art4 ,we have a direct sense of life4 ,when you gain that you will put aside your mirrors and statues1 your toys and your dolls4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,yet we too have our toys and our dolls4 ,that is the trouble of the ancients4 ,,arjillax4 ,what6 ,the ancients have their troubles6 ,it is the first time ,i ever heard one of them confess it4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,look at us4 ,look at me4 ,this is my body1 my blood1 my brain2 but it is not me4 ,i am the eternal life1 the perpetual resurrection2 but striking his body this structure1 this organism1 this makeshift1 can be made by a boy in a laboratory1 and is held back from dissolution only by my use of it4 ,worse still1 it can be broken by a slip of the foot1 drowned by a cramp in the stomach1 destroyed by a flash from the clouds4 ,sooner or later1 its destruction is certain4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,yes3 this body is the last doll to be discarded4 ,when ,i was a child1 ,ecrasia1 ,i1 too1 was an artist1 like your sculptor friends there1 striving to create perfection in things outside myself4 ,i made statues3 ,i painted pictures3 ,i tried to worship them4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,i had no such skill2 but ,i1 like ,acis1 sought perfection in friends1 in lovers1 in nature1 in things outside myself4 ,alas6 ,i could not create if4 ,i could only imagine it4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,i1 like ,arjillax1 found out that my statues of bodily beauty were no longer even beautiful to me2 and ,i pressed on and made statues and pictures of men and women of genius1 like those in the old fable of ,michael ,angelo4 ,like ,martellus1 ,i smashed them when ,i saw that there was no life in them3 that they were so dead that they would not even dissolve as a dead body does4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,and ,i1 like ,acis1 ceased to walk over the mountains with my friends1 and walked alone2 for ,i found that ,i had creative power over myself but none over my friends4 ,and then ,i ceased to walk on the mountains2 for ,i saw that the mountains were dead4 ,,acis protesting vehemently ,no4 ,i grant you about the friends perhaps2 but the mountains are still the mountains1 each with its name1 its individuality1 its upstanding strength and majesty1 its beauty-- ,,ecrasia4 ,what6 ,acis among the rhapsodists6 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,mere metaphor1 my poor boy3 the mountains are corpses4 ,,all ,,the ,,young repelled ,oh6 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,yes4 ,in the hardpressed heart of the earth1 where the inconceivable heat of the sun still glows1 the stone lives in fierce atomic convulsion1 as we live in our slower way4 ,when it is cast out to the surface it dies like deep-sea fish3 what you see is only its cold dead body4 ,we have tapped that central heat as prehistoric man tapped water springs2 but nothing has come up alive from those flaming depths3 your landscapes1 your mountains1 are only the world's cast skins and decaying teeth on which we live like microbes4 ,,ecrasia4 ,ancient3 you blaspheme against ,nature and against ,man4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,child1 child1 how much enthusiasm will you have for man when you have endured eight centuries of him1 as ,i have1 and seen him perish by an empty mischance that is yet a certainty8 ,when ,i discarded my dolls as he discarded his friends and his mountains1 it was to myself ,i turned as to the final reality4 ,here1 and here alone1 ,i could shape and create4 ,when my arm was weak and ,i willed it to be strong1 ,i could create a roll of muscle on it2 and when ,i understood that1 ,i understood that ,i could without any greater miracle give myself ten arms and three heads4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,i also came to understand such miracles4 ,for fifty years ,i sat contemplating this power in myself and concentrating my will4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,so did ,i2 and for five more years ,i made myself into all sorts of fantastic monsters4 ,i walked upon a dozen legs3 ,i worked with twenty hands and a hundred fingers3 ,i looked to the four quarters of the compass with eight eyes out of four heads4 ,children fled in amazement from me until ,i had to hide myself from them2 and the ancients1 who had forgotten how to laugh1 smiled grimly when they passed4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,we have all committed these follies4 ,you will all commit them4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh1 do grow a lot of arms and legs and heads for us4 ,it would be so funny4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,my child3 ,i am just as well as ,i am4 ,i would not lift my finger now to have a thousand heads4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,but what would ,i not give to have no head at all8 ,,all ,,the ,,young4 ,whats that8 ,no head at all8 ,why8 ,how8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,can you not understand8 ,,all ,,the ,,young shaking their heads ,no4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,one day1 when ,i was tired of learning to walk forward with some of my feet and backwards with others and sideways with the rest all at once1 ,i sat on a rock with my four chins resting on four of my palms1 and four or my elbows resting on four of my knees4 ,and suddenly it came into my mind that this monstrous machinery of heads and limbs was no more me than my statues had been me1 and that it was only an automaton that ,i had enslaved4 ,,martellus4 ,enslaved8 ,what does that mean8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,a thing that must do what you command it is a slave2 and its commander is its master4 ,these are words you will learn when your turn comes4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,you will also learn that when the master has come to do everything through the slave1 the slave becomes his master1 since he cannot live without him4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,and so ,i perceived that ,i had made myself the slave of a slave4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,when we discovered that1 we shed our superfluous heads and legs and arms until we had our old shapes again1 and no longer startled the children4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,but still ,i am the slave of this slave1 my body4 ,how am ,i to be delivered from it8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,that1 children1 is the trouble of the ancients4 ,for whilst we are tied to this tyrannous body we are subject to its death1 and our destiny is not achieved4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is your destiny8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,to be immortal4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,the day will come when there will be no people1 only thought4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,and that will be life eternal4 ,,ecrasia4 ,i trust ,i shall meet my fatal accident before that day dawns4 ,,arjillax4 ,for once1 ,ecrasia1 ,i agree with you4 ,a world in which there were nothing plastic would be an utterly miserable one4 ,,ecrasia4 ,no limbs1 no contours1 no exquisite lines and elegant shapes1 no worship of beautiful bodies1 no poetic embraces in which cultivated lovers pretend that their caressing hands are wandering over celestial hills and enchanted valleys1 no-- ,,acis interrupting her disgustedly ,what an inhuman mind you have1 ,ecrasia6 ,,ecrasia4 ,inhuman6 ,,acis4 ,yes3 inhuman4 ,why don't you fall in love with someone8 ,,ecrasia4 ,i6 ,i have been in love all my life4 ,i burned with it even in the egg4 ,,acis4 ,not a bit of it4 ,you and ,arjillax are just as hard as two stones4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you did not always think so1 ,acis4 ,,acis4 ,oh1 ,i know4 ,i offered you my love once1 and asked for yours4 ,,ecrasia4 ,and did ,i deny it to you1 ,acis8 ,,acis4 ,you didn't even know what love was4 ,,ecrasia4 ,oh6 ,i adored you1 you stupid oaf1 until ,i found that you were a mere animal4 ,,acis4 ,and ,i made no end of a fool of myself about you until ,i discovered that you were a mere artist4 ,you appreciated my contours6 ,i was plastic1 as ,arjillax says4 ,i wasn't a man to you3 ,i was a masterpiece appealing to your tastes and your senses4 ,your tastes and senses had overlaid the direct impulse of life in you4 ,and because ,i cared only for our life1 and went straight to it1 and was bored by your calling my limbs fancy names and mapping me into mountains and valleys and all the rest of it1 you called me an animal4 ,well1 ,i am an animal1 if you call a live man an animal4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you need not explain4 ,you refused to be refined4 ,i did my best to lift your prehistoric impulses on to the plane of beauty1 of imagination1 of romance1 of poetry1 of art1 of-- ,,acis4 ,these things are all very well in their way and in their proper places4 ,but they are not love4 ,they are an unnatural adulteration of love4 ,love is a simple thing and a deep thing3 it is an act of life and not an illusion4 ,art is an illusion4 ,,arjillax4 ,that is false4 ,the statue comes to life always4 ,the statues of today are the men and women of the next incubation4 ,i hold up the marble figure before the mother and say1 ',this is the model you must copy4' ,we produce what we see4 ,let no man dare to create in art a thing that he would not have exist in life4 ,,martellus4 ,yes3 ,i have been through all that4 ,but you yourself are making statues of ancients instead of beautiful nymphs and swains4 ,and ,ecrasia is right about the ancients being inartistic4 ,they are damnably inartistic4 ,,ecrasia triumphant ,ah6 ,our greatest artist vindicates me4 ,thanks1 ,martellus4 ,,martellus4 ,the body always ends by being a bore4 ,nothing remains beautiful and interesting except thought1 because the thought is the life4 ,which is just what this old gentleman and this old lady seem to think too4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,quite so4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,precisely4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born to the ,he-,ancient ,but you cant be nothing4 ,what do you want to be8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,a vortex4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,a what8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,a vortex4 ,i began as a vortex3 why should ,i not end as one8 ,,ecrasia4 ,oh6 ,that is what you old people are1 ,vorticists4 ,,acis4 ,but if life is thought1 can you live without a head8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,not now perhaps4 ,but prehistoric men thought they could not live without tails4 ,i can live without a tail4 ,why should ,i not live without a head8 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is a tail8 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient ,a habit of which your ancestors managed to pure themselves4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,none of us now believe that all this machinery of flesh and blood is necessary4 ,it dies4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,it imprisons us on this petty planet and forbids us to range through the stars4 ,,acis4 ,but even a vortex is a vortex in something4 ,you cant have a whirlpool without water2 and you cant have a vortex without gas1 or molecules or atoms or ions or electrons or something1 not nothing4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,no3 the vortex is not the water nor the gas nor the atoms3 it is a power over these things4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,the body was the slave of the vortex2 but the slave has become the master2 and we must free ourselves from that tyranny4 ,it is this stuff indicating her body1 this flesh and blood and bone and all the rest of it1 that is intolerable4 ,even prehistoric man dreamed of what he called an astral body1 and asked who would deliver him from the body of this death4 ,,acis evidently out of his depth ,i shouldn't think too much about it if ,i were you4 ,you have to keep sane1 you know4 ,the two ,ancients look at one another2 shrug their shoulders2 and address themselves to their departure4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,we are staying too long with you1 children4 ,we must go4 ,all the young people rise rather eagerly4 ,,arjillax4 ,dont mention it4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,it is tiresome for us1 too4 ,you see1 children1 we have to put things very crudely to you to make ourselves intelligible4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,and ,i am afraid we do not quite succeed4 ,,strephon4 ,very kind of you to come at all and talk to us1 ,i'm sure4 ,,ecrasia4 ,why do the other ancients never come and give us a turn8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,it is difficult for them4 ,they have forgotten how to speak2 how to read2 even how to think in your fashion4 ,we do not communicate with one another in that way or apprehend the world as you do4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,i find it more and more difficult to keep up your language4 ,another century or two and it will be impossible4 ,i shall have to be relieved by a younger shepherd4 ,,acis4 ,of course we are always delighted to see you2 but still1 if it tries you very severely1 we could manage pretty well by ourselves1 you know4 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,tell me1 ,acis3 do you ever think of yourself as having to live perhaps for thousands of years8 ,,acis4 ,oh1 don't talk about it4 ,why1 ,i know very well that ,i have only four years of what any reasonable person would call living2 and three and a half of them are already gone4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you must not mind our saying so2 but really you cannot call being an ancient living4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born almost in tears ,oh1 this dreadful shortness of our lives6 ,i cannot bear it4 ,,strephon4 ,i made up my mind on that subject long ago4 ,when ,i am three years and fifty weeks old1 ,i shall have my fatal accident4 ,and it will not be an accident4 ,,the ,,he-,,ancient4 ,we are very tired of this subject4 ,i must leave you4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is being tired8 ,,the ,,she-,,ancient4 ,the penalty of attending to children4 ,farewell4 ,the two ,ancients go away severally1 she into the grove1 he up to the hills behind the temple4 ,,all4 ,ouf6 ,a great sigh of relief4 ,,ecrasia4 ,dreadful people6 ,,strephon4 ,bores6 ,,martellus4 ,yet one would like to follow them2 to enter into their life2 to grasp their thought2 to comprehend the universe as they must4 ,,arjillax4 ,getting old1 ,martellus8 ,,martellus4 ,well1 ,i have finished with the dolls2 and ,i am no longer jealous of you4 ,that looks like the end4 ,two hours sleep is enough for me4 ,i am afraid ,i am beginning to find you all rather silly4 ,,strephon4 ,i know4 ,my girl went off this morning4 ,she hadnt slept for weeks4 ,and she found mathematics more interesting than me4 ,,martellus4 ,there is a prehistoric saying that has come down to us from a famous woman teacher4 ,she said3 ',leave women2 and study mathematics4' ,it is the only remaining fragment of a lost scripture called ,the ,confessions of ,st ,augustin1 the ,english ,opium ,eater4 ,that primitive savage must have been a great woman1 to say a thing that still lives after three hundred centuries4 ,i too will leave women and study mathematics1 which ,i have neglected too long4 ,farewell1 children1 my old playmates4 ,i almost wish ,i could feel sentimental about parting from you2 but the cold truth is that you bore me4 ,do not be angry with me3 your turn will come4 ,he passes away gravely into the grove4 ,,arjillax4 ,there goes a great spirit4 ,what a sculptor he was6 ,and now1 nothing6 ,it is as if he had cut off his hands4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,oh1 will you all leave me as he has left you8 ,,ecrasia4 ,never4 ,we have sworn it4 ,,strephon4 ,what is the use of swearing8 ,she swore4 ,he swore4 ,you have sworn4 ,they have sworn4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you speak like a grammar4 ,,strephon4 ,that is how one ought to speak1 isnt it8 ,we shall all be forsworn4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,do not talk like that4 ,you are saddening us2 and you are chasing the light away4 ,it is growing dark4 ,,acis4 ,night is falling4 ,the light will come back tomorrow4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,what is tomorrow8 ,,acis4 ,the day that never comes4 ,he turns towards the temple4 ,all begin trooping into the temple4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born holding ,acis back ,that is no answer4 ,what-- ,,arjillax4 ,silence4 ,little children should be seen and not heard4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born putting out her tongue at him6 ,,ecrasia4 ,ungraceful4 ,you must not do that4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,i will do what ,i like4 ,but there is something the matter with me4 ,i want to lie down4 ,i cannot keep my eyes open4 ,,ecrasia4 ,you are falling asleep4 ,you will wake up again4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born drowsily ,what is sleep8 ,,acis4 ,ask no questions2 and you will be told no lies4 ,he takes her by the ear1 and leads her firmly towards the temple4 ,,the ,,newly ,,born4 ,ai6 oi6 ai6 ,dont4 ,i want to be carried4 ,she reels into the arms of ,acts1 who carries her into the temple4 ,,ecrasia4 ,come1 ,arjillax3 you at least are still an artist4 ,i adore you4 ,,arjillax4 ,do you8 ,unfortunately for you1 ,i am not still a child4 ,i have grown out of cuddling4 ,i can only appreciate your figure4 ,does that satisfy you8 ,,ecrasia4 ,at what distance8 ,,arjillax4 ,arm's length or more4 ,,ecrasia4 ,thank you3 not for me4 ,she turns away from him4 ,,arjillax4 ,ha6 ha6 ,he strides off into the temple4 ,,ecrasia calling to ,strephon1 who is on the threshold of the temple1 going in ,strephon4 ,,strephon4 ,no4 ,my heart is broken4 ,he goes into the temple4 ,,ecrasia4 ,must ,i pass the night alone8 ,she looks round1 seeking another partner2 but they have all gone4 ,after all1 ,i can imagine a lover nobler than any of you4 ,she goes into the temple4 ,it is now quite dark4 ,a vague radiance appears near the temple and shapes itself into the ghost of ,adam4 ,a ,,woman',s ,,voice in the grove ,who is that8 ,,adam4 ,the ghost of ,adam1 the first father of mankind4 ,who are you8 ,,the ,,voice4 ,the ghost of ,eve1 the first mother of mankind4 ,,adam4 ,come forth1 wife2 and shew yourself to me4 ,,eve appearing near the grove ,here ,i am1 husband4 ,you are very old4 ,a ,,voice in the hills ,ha6 ha6 ha6 ,,adam4 ,who laughs8 ,who dares laugh at ,adam8 ,,eve4 ,who has the heart to laugh at ,eve8 ,,the ,,voice4 ,the ghost of ,cain1 the first child1 and the first murderer4 ,he appears between them2 and as he does so there is a prolonged hiss4 ,who dares hiss at ,cain1 the lord of death8 ,a ,,voice4 ,the ghost of the serpent1 that lived before ,adam and before ,eve1 and taught them how to bring forth ,cain4 ,she becomes visible1 coiled in the trees4 ,a ,,voice4 ,there is one that came before the serpent4 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,that is the voice of ,lilith1 in whom the father and mother were one4 ,hail1 ,lilith6 ,lilith becomes visible between ,cain and ,adam4 ,,lilith4 ,i suffered unspeakably2 ,i tore myself asunder2 ,i lost my life1 to make of my one flesh these twain1 man and woman4 ,and this is what has come of it4 ,what do you make of it1 ,adam1 my son8 ,,adam4 ,i made the earth bring forth by my labor1 and the woman bring forth by my love4 ,and this is what has come of it4 ,what do you make of it1 ,eve1 my wife8 ,,eve4 ,i nourished the egg in my body and fed it with my blood4 ,and now they let it fall as the birds did1 and suffer not at all4 ,what do you make of it1 ,cain1 my first-born8 ,,cain4 ,i invented killing and conquest and mastery and the winnowing out of the weak by the strong4 ,and now the strong have slain one another2 and the weak live for ever2 and their deeds do nothing for the doer more than for another4 ,what do you make of it1 snake8 ,,the ,,serpent4 ,i am justified4 ,for ,i chose wisdom and the knowledge of good and evil2 and now there is no evil2 and wisdom and good are one4 ,it is enough4 ,she vanishes4 ,,cain4 ,there is no place for me on earth any longer4 ,you cannot deny that mine was a splendid game while it lasted4 ,but now6 ,out1 out1 brief candle6 ,he vanishes4 ,,eve4 ,the clever ones were always my favorites4 ,the diggers and the fighters have dug themselves in with the worms4 ,my clever ones have inherited the earth4 ,all's well4 ,she fades away4 ,,adam4 ,i can make nothing of it1 neither head nor tail4 ,what is it all for8 ,why8 ,whither8 ,whence8 ,we were well enough in the garden4 ,and now the fools have killed all the animals2 and they are dissatisfied because they cannot be bothered with their bodies6 ,foolishness1 ,i call it4 ,he disappears4 ,,lilith4 ,they have accepted the burden of eternal life4 ,they have taken the agony from birth2 and their life does not fail them even in the hour of their destruction4 ,their breasts are without milk3 their bowels are gone3 the very shapes of them are only ornaments for their children to admire and caress without understanding4 ,is this enough2 or shall ,i labor again8 ,shall ,i bring forth something that will sweep them away and make an end of them as they have swept away the beasts of the garden1 and made an end of the crawling things and the flying things and of all them that refuse to live for ever8 ,i had patience with them for many ages3 they tried me very sorely4 ,they did terrible things3 they embraced death1 and said that eternal life was a fable4 ,i stood amazed at the malice and destructiveness of the things ,i had made3 ,mars blushed as he looked down on the shame of his sister planet3 cruelty and hypocrisy became so hideous that the face of the earth was pitted with the graves of little children among which living skeletons crawled in search of horrible food4 ,the pangs of another birth were already upon me when one man repented and lived three hundred years2 and ,i waited to see what would come of that4 ,and so much came of it that the horrors of that time seem now but an evil dream4 ,they have redeemed themselves from their vileness1 and turned away from their sins4 ,best of all1 they are still not satisfied3 the impulse ,i gave them in that day when ,i sundered myself in twain and launched ,man and ,woman on the earth still urges them3 after passing a million goals they press on to the goal of redemption from the flesh1 to the vortex freed from matter1 to the whirlpool in pure intelligence that1 when the world began1 was a whirlpool in pure force4 ,and though all that they have done seems but the first hour of the infinite work of creation1 yet ,i will not supersede them until they have forded this last stream that lies between flesh and spirit1 and disentangled their life from the matter that has always mocked it4 ,i can wait3 waiting and patience mean nothing to the eternal4 ,i gave the woman the greatest of gifts3 curiosity4 ,by that her seed has been saved from my wrath2 for ,i also am curious2 and ,i have waited always to see what they will do tomorrow4 ,let them feed that appetite well for me4 ,i say1 let them dread1 of all things1 stagnation2 for from the moment ,i1 ,lilith1 lose hope and faith in them1 they are doomed4 ,in that hope and faith ,i have let them live for a moment2 and in that moment ,i have spared them many times4 ,but mightier creatures than they have killed hope and faith1 and perished from the earth2 and ,i may not spare them for ever4 ,i am ,lilith3 ,i brought life into the whirlpool of force1 and compelled my enemy1 ,matter1 to obey a living soul4 ,but in enslaving ,life's enemy ,i made him ,life's master2 for that is the end of all slavery2 and now ,i shall see the slave set free and the enemy reconciled1 the whirlpool become all life and no matter4 ,and because these infants that call themselves ancients are reaching out towards that1 ,i will have patience with them still2 though ,i know well that when they attain it they shall become one with me and supersede me1 and ,lilith will be only a legend and a lay that has lost its meaning4 ,of ,life only is there no end2 and though of its million starry mansions many are empty and many still unbuilt1 and though its vast domain is as yet unbearably desert1 my seed shall one day fill it and master its matter to its uttermost confines4 ,and for what may be beyond1 the eyesight of ,lilith is too short4 ,it is enough that there is a beyond4 ,she vanishes4