,,! ,,inf]no ,,by ,,h5ri ,,b>busse ,,au?or ,,( ,,"u ,,fire ,,translat$ ,,f ,,! #ajj,,? ,,fr5* ,,edition ,,) ,,an ,,introduction ,,by ,,edw>d ,j4 ,o',,bri5 #aiah ,,introduction ,9 introduc+ ,m4 ,b>busse's mo/ important book to a public already famili> ) ,"u ,fire1 x seems well to po9t out ! relation ( ! au?or's philosophy to 8 own "t1 & ! k9%ip ( 8 art to t ( c]ta9 o!r contempor>y ,fr5* & ,engli% noveli/s4 ,l',enf] has be5 m widely read & discuss$ 9 ,france ?an any o!r reali/ic /udy s9ce ! days ( ,zola4 ,! ,fr5* sales ( ! volume1 9 #aiag alone1 exce$$ a hundr$ ?\s& copies1 a popul>ity all ! m rem>kable f ! fact t its appeal is bas$ z mu* on its philosophical sub/ance z on ! /ory :i* x tells4 ,al?\gh ,m4 ,b>busse is "o ( ! mo/ di/+ui%$ contempor>y ,fr5* writ]s ( %ort /ories1 he has f\nd 9 ! novel =m ! mo/ fitt+ lit]>y m$ium = ! expression ( 8 philosophy1 & x is to realism r ?an romanticism t he turns = ! exposition ( 8 special imag9ative po9t ( view4 ,& yet ?is /atem5t seems to ne$ "s qualification4 ,9 8 introduction to ,po9t$ ,ro(s1 by ,doro?y ,ri*>dson1 ,mr4 ,j4,d4 ,b]es=d po9ts out t a new objective lit]>y me?od is becom+ g5]al 9 :i* ! writ]'s /rict deta*m5t f 8 objective subject matt] is unit$ to a t5d5cy1 imp]sonal1 to be sure1 to imm]se himself 9 ! life surr\nd+ 8 *>act]s4 ,miss ,may ,s9clair po9ts out t writ]s are beg9n+ to take ! complete plunge = ! fir/ "t1 & in/ances z examples1 n only ! novels ( ,doro?y ,ri*>dson1 b ^? ( ,james ,joyce4 ,n[ x is p]fectly true t ,miss ,ri*>dson & ,mr4 ,joyce h introduc$ ?is me?od into ,engli% fiction1 & t ,mr4 ,frank ,sw9n]ton has c>ri$ ! me?od a /ep fur!r 9 ano!r direction1 b be=e ^! writ]s !re 0 a prec$5t 9 ,france = ?is me?od1 ( :i* p]haps ! two *ief exempl>s 7 ,jules ,roma9s & ,h5ri ,b>busse4 ,al?\gh ! two writ]s h little else 9 common1 bo? are int5sely consci\s ( ! trem5d\s1 if impond]able1 impact ( elem5tal & univ]sal =ces ^u p]sonality1 ( ! pr(\nd modifications :i* natural & social environm5t unconsci\sly impress ^u ! individual life1 & ( ! cont9ual int]action ( =ces by :i* ! c\rse ( life is *ang$ m fundam5tally ?an by less imp]ceptible influ5ces4 ,bo? ,m4 ,roma9s & ,m4 ,b>busse p]ceive1 z ! fundam5tal factor influ5c+ human life1 ! contraction & expansion ( physical & spiritual relation%ip1 ! inevitable ebb & fl[ p]ceiv$ by ! poet :o po9t$ out t we _c t\* a fl[] )\t tr\bl+ ( a />4 ,m4 ,roma9s has f\nd 8 lit]>y m$ium 9 :at he calls unanimism4 ,:ile ,m4 ,b>busse w\ld n claim to belong to ! same s*ool1 & 9 fact w\ld appe> on ! surface to be at ! opposite pole ( life 9 8 philosophy1 we %all f9d t 8 deta*m5t1 f\nd$1 ?\gh x is1 ^u solitude1 takes ess5tially ! same acc\nt ( outside =ces z ! philosophy ( ,m4 ,roma9s4 ,he p]ceives t ea* man is an isl& ( illimitable =ces ap>t f 8 fell[s1 passionately eag] to live 8 own life to ! la/ degree ( self-fulfilm5t1 b cont9ually ?w>t$ by nature & by o!r m5 & wom51 until dea? int]poses & sets ! seal ( oblivion ^u all t he has dream$ & s\ght4 ,& he has set himself ! task ( dis5gag+1 z f> z possible1 ! purpose & hope ( human life1 ( endeav\r+ to discov] :at promise exi/s = ! future & h[ ?is promise c be relat$ to ! pres5t1 ( m>k+ ! relation%ip betwe5 et]nity & "t1 & discov]+1 ?r\gh ! trag$ies ( bir?1 love1 m>riage1 illness & dea?1 ! ultimate possibility ( human developm5t & fulfilm5t4 ,! ,inf]no is !re=e a tragic book4 ,b ,i ?9k t ! att5tive read] w f9d t ! de/ructive criticism ( ,m4 ,b>busse1 9 s f> z x is possible = him to agree ) x1 only cle>s away ! dead und]gr[? :i* obscures ! au?or's passionate hope & belief 9 ! future4 ,al?\gh ! action ( ?is /ory is spiritual z well z physical1 & occupies less ?an a mon? ( "t1 x is focuss$ int5sely ^u reality4 ,ev]y?+ t ! au?or p]mits u to see & und]/& is se5 ?r\gh a s+le po9t ( life--a hole pi]c$ 9 ! wall betwe5 two rooms ( a grey ,p>is bo>d+ h\se4 ,! "t is mo/ (t5 twilight1 ) its romantic p5umbra1 d>k5+ into ! obscurity ( night by imp]ceptible degrees4 ,m4 ,b>busse has conceiv$ ! idea ( mak+ a man p]ceive ! :ole spiritual trag$y ( life ?r\gh a cranny 9 ! wall1 & !re is a f9e symbolism 9 ?is1 z if he 7 v\*saf+ u ! opportunity to p]ceive et]nal ?+s ?r\gh ! t9y crack :i* is all t is reveal$ to u ( inf9ity1 s t ! gates ( ,horn1 d>k5$ by our human bl9dness1 sc>cely sw+ op5 be=e !y close aga94 ,! h]o ( ?is /ory has be5 dazzl$ by ! flam+ ramp>ts ( ! _w1 s t et]nity is only reveal$ to him 9 fi]y glimpses t %rivel him1 & he is left 9 ! d>k void ( "t1 cl++ to a dream :i* already beg9s to fail him4 ,& ! significant ?+ ab\t ?is book is t ! f9al revelation comes to him ?r\gh ! human voices ( ^? :o h suff]$ mu*1 because !y h lov$ mu*1 aft] 8 own d>+ intellectual flights h fail$ him4 ,s ?is man :o has confront$ ! greate/ realities ( life1 enabl$ to view !m ) ! same objective deta*m5t ) :i* ,god sees !m1 ?\gh )\t ! div9e k :i* transmutes _! d>kness1 comes to le>n t we c>ry all heav5 & hell )9 ourselves1 & ) a rel5tless insight1 almo/ ,lucretian 9 its desp]ate int5sity1 he cries3 ,we are div9ely alone1 ! heav5s h fall5 on our heads4 ,& he adds3 ,"h !y w pass aga91 day aft] day1 ye> aft] ye>1 all ! prison]s ( rooms w pass 9 _! k9d ( et]nity4 ,9 ! twilight :5 ev]y?+ fades1 !y w sit d[n ne> ! light1 9 ! room full ( haloes2 !y w drag !mselves to ! w9d['s void4 ,_! m\?s w jo9 & !y w gr[ t5d]4 ,!y w ex*ange a fir/ or a la/ useless glance4 ,!y w op5 _! arms1 !y w c>ess ea* o!r4 ,!y w love life & be afraid to disappe>4444 ,i h he>d ! annunciation ( :atev] f9] ?+s are to come4 ,?r\gh me has pass$1 )\t /ay+ me 9 my c\rse1 ! ,^w :i* does n lie1 & :i* said ov] aga91 w satisfy4 ,truly a great & pitiless book1 b !re is a cleans+ w9d runn+ ?r\gh x1 :i* sweeps away life's illusions1 & leaves a new hope = ! future 9 our he>ts4 ,,edw>d ,j4 ,o',,bri54 ,,bass ,,riv]1 ,,mass41 ,july1 #aj1 #aiah4 ,,*apt] ,i ,! l&lady1 ,madame ,lem]ci]1 left me alone 9 my room1 aft] a %ort spee* impress+ ^u me all ! mat]ial & moral advantages ( ! ,lem]ci] bo>d+-h\se4 ,i /opp$ 9 front ( ! glass1 9 ! middle ( ! room 9 :i* ,i 0 go+ to live = a :ile4 ,i look$ r\nd ! room & !n at myself4 ,! room 0 grey & _h a du/y smell4 ,i saw two *airs1 "o ( :i* held my valise1 two n>r[-back$ arm*airs ) sme>y uphol/]y1 a table ) a piece ( gre5 felt set into ! top1 & an ori5tal c>pet ) an arabesque patt]n t fairly leap$ to ! eye4 ,?is p>ticul> room ,i _h nev] se5 be=e1 b1 oh1 h[ famili> x all 0--t b$ ( imitation mahogany1 t frigid toilet table1 t inevitable arrangem5t ( ! furniture1 t empt9ess )9 ^? f\r walls4 ,! room 0 worn ) use1 z if an inf9ite numb] ( p _h occupi$ x4 ,! c>pet 0 fray$ f ! door to ! w9d[--a pa? trodd5 by a ho/ ( feet f day to day4 ,! m\ld+1 :i* ,i c\ld rea* ) my h&s1 0 out ( l9e & crack$1 & ! m>ble mantelpiece _h lo/ its %>p edges4 ,human contact we>s ?+s out ) di%e>t5+ sl[ness4 ,?+s t>ni%1 too4 ,little by little1 ! ceil+ _h d>k5$ l a /ormy sky4 ,! places on ! :iti% woodwork & ! p9k wallpap] t _h be5 t\*$ (t5e/ _h become smudgy--! edge ( ! door1 ! pa9t ar\nd ! lock ( ! closet & ! wall alongside ! w9d[ :]e "o pulls ! curta9 cords4 ,a :ole _w ( human be+s _h pass$ "h l smoke1 leav+ no?+ :ite b ! w9d[4 ,& ,i8 ,i am a man l e o!r man1 j z t ev5+ 0 l e o!r ev5+4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i _h be5 travell+ s9ce morn+4 ,hurry1 =malities1 baggage1 ! tra91 ! :iff ( diff]5t t[ns4 ,i fell into "o ( ! arm*airs4 ,ev]y?+ became quiet] & m peaceful4 ,my com+ f ! c\ntry to /ay 9 ,p>is = good m>k$ an epo* 9 my life4 ,i _h f\nd a situation "h 9 a bank4 ,my days 7 to *ange4 ,x 0 because ( ?is *ange t ,i got away f my usual ?\ghts & turn$ to ?\ghts ( myself4 ,i 0 ?irty ye>s old4 ,i _h lo/ my fa!r & "m eighte5 or tw5ty ye>s be=e1 s long ago t ! ev5t 0 n[ insignificant4 ,i 0 unm>ri$4 ,i _h no *ildr5 & %all h none4 ,!re are mom5ts :5 ?is tr\bles me1 :5 ,i reflect t ) me a l9e w end :i* has la/$ s9ce ! beg9n+ ( humanity4 ,0 ,i happy8 ,yes1 ,i _h no?+ to m\rn or regret1 ,i _h no complicat$ desires4 ,!re=e1 ,i 0 happy4 ,i rememb]$ t s9ce my *ildhood ,i _h _h spiritual illum9ations1 my/ical emotions1 a morbid fondness = %utt+ myself up face to face ) my pa/4 ,i _h attribut$ exceptional importance to myself & _h come to ?9k t ,i 0 m ?an o!r p4 ,b ?is _h gradually become subm]g$ 9 ! positive no?+ness ( e day4 4 4 4 4 4 ,!re ,i 0 n[ 9 t room4 ,i lean$ =w>d 9 my arm*air to be ne>] ! glass1 & ,i exam9$ myself c>efully4 ,r %ort1 ) an air ( res]ve 7al?\gh !re are times :5 ,i let myself g72 q correctly dress$2 no?+ to criticise & no?+ /rik+ ab\t my appe>ance4 ,i look$ close at my eyes4 ,!y are gre51 ?\gh1 oddly en\gh1 p usually take !m = black4 ,i believ$ 9 _m ?+s 9 a confus$ sort ( way1 above all1 9 ! exi/5ce ( ,god1 if n 9 ! dogmas ( religion4 ,h[ev]1 ,i ?\ght1 ^! la/ _h advantages = poor p & = wom51 :o h less intellect ?an m54 ,z = philosophical discussions1 ,i ?\ght !y are absolutely useless4 ,y _c demon/rate or v]ify any?+4 ,:at 0 tru?1 anyway8 ,i _h a s5se ( good & evil4 ,i w\ld n h committ$ an indelicacy1 ev5 if c]ta9 ( impunity4 ,i w\ld n h p]mitt$ myself ! slighte/ ov]/atem5t4 ,if ev]yone 7 l me1 all w\ld be well4 4 4 4 4 4 ,x 0 already late4 ,i 0 n go+ to d any?+4 ,i rema9$ seat$ !re1 at ! end ( ! day1 opposite ! look+-glass4 ,9 ! sett+ ( ! room t ! twilight began to invade1 ,i saw ! outl9e ( my =ehead1 ! oval ( my face1 &1 "u my bl9k+ eyelids1 ! gaze by :i* ,i ent] into myself z into a tomb4 ,my tir$ness1 ! gloom9ess 7,i he>d ra9 outside71 ! d>kness t int5sifi$ my solitude & made me look l>g]1 & !n some?+ else1 ,i knew n :at1 made me sad4 ,x bor$ me to be sad4 ,i %ook myself4 ,:at 0 ! matt]8 ,no?+4 ,only myself4 ,i h n always be5 alone 9 life z ,i 0 t ev5+4 ,love = me _h tak5 on ! =m & ! be+ ( my little ,josette4 ,we _h met long be=e1 9 ! re> ( ! mill9]y %op 9 :i* %e work$ at ,t\rs4 ,%e _h smil$ at me ) s+ul> p]si/5ce1 & ,i caught h] head 9 my h&s1 kiss$ h] on ! lips--& f\nd out sudd5ly t ,i lov$ h]4 ,i no long] recall ! /range bliss we felt :51 we fir/ embrac$4 ,x is true1 !re are mom5ts :5 ,i /ill desire h] z madly z ! fir/ "t4 ,?is is s especially :5 %e is away4 ,:5 %e is ) me1 !re are mom5ts :5 %e repels me4 ,we discov]$ ea* o!r 9 ! holidays4 ,! days :5 we %all see ea* o!r aga9 be=e we die--we c\ld c\nt !m--if we d>$4 ,to die6 ,! idea ( dea? is decid$ly ! mo/ important ( all ideas4 ,i %\ld die "s day4 ,_h ,i ev] ?\ght ( x8 ,i reflect$4 ,no1 ,i _h nev] ?\ght ( x4 ,i c\ld n4 ,y c no m look de/9y 9 ! face ?an y c look at ! sun1 & yet de/9y is grey4 ,& night came1 z e night w come1 until ! la/ "o1 :i* w be too va/4 ,b all at once ,i jump$ up & /ood on my feet1 reel+1 my he>t ?robb+ l ! flutt]+ ( w+s4 ,:at 0 x8 ,9 ! /reet a horn res\nd$1 play+ a hunt+ song4 ,app>5tly "s groom ( a ri* family1 /&+ ne> ! b> ( a tav]n1 ) *eeks puff$ out1 m\? squeez$ tight1 & an air ( f]ocity1 a/oni%+ & sil5c+ 8 audi5ce4 ,b ! ?+ t s /irr$ me 0 n ! m]e bl[+ ( a horn 9 ! city /reets4 ,i _h be5 br\ght up 9 ! c\ntry1 & z a *ild ,i us$ to he> t bla/ f> 9 ! di/ance1 along ! road to ! woods & ! ca/le4 ,! same air1 ! same ?+ exactly4 ,h[ c\ld ! two be s precisely alike8 ,& involunt>ily my h& wav]$ to my he>t4 ,=m]ly--to-day--my life--my he>t--myself6 ,i ?\ght ( all ?is sudd5ly1 = no reason1 z if ,i _h gone mad4 4 4 4 4 4 ,my pa/--:at _h ,i ev] made ( myself8 ,no?+1 & ,i 0 already on ! decl9e4 ,ah1 because ! refra9 recall$ ! pa/1 x seem$ to me z if x 7 all ov] ) me1 & ,i _h n liv$4 ,& ,i _h a long+ = a sort ( lo/ p>adise4 ,b ( :at avail to pray or rebel8 ,i felt ,i _h no?+ m to expect f life4 ,!nce=?1 ,i %\ld be nei!r happy nor unhappy4 ,i c\ld n rise f ! dead4 ,i w\ld gr[ old quietly1 z quiet z ,i 0 t day 9 ! room :]e s _m p _h left _! traces1 & yet no "o _h left 8 own traces4 ,?is room--any:]e y turn1 y f9d ?is room4 ,x is ! univ]sal room4 ,y ?9k x is clos$4 ,no1 x is op5 to ! f\r w9ds ( heav54 ,x is lo/ amid a ho/ ( simil> rooms1 l ! light 9 ! sky1 l "o day amid ! ho/ ( all o!r days1 l my ,i amid a ho/ ( o!r ,i's4 ,i1 ,i6 ,i saw no?+ m n[ ?an ! pallor ( my face1 ) deep orbits1 buri$ 9 ! twilight1 & my m\? fill$ ) a sil5ce :i* g5tly b surely /ifles & de/roys4 ,i rais$ myself on my elb[ z on a clipp$ w+4 ,i wi%$ t some?+ p>tak+ ( ! inf9ite w\ld happ5 to me4 ,i _h no g5ius1 no mission to fulfil1 no great he>t to be/[4 ,i _h no?+ & ,i des]v$ no?+4 ,b all ! same ,i desir$ "s sort ( rew>d4 ,love4 ,i dream$ ( a unique1 an unhe>d-( idyll ) a woman f> f ! "o ) :om ,i _h hi!rto lo/ all my "t1 a woman ^: features ,i did n see1 b ^: %ad[ ,i imag9$ beside my own z we walk$ along ! road toge!r4 ,some?+ inf9ite1 some?+ new6 ,a j\rney1 an extraord9>y j\rney into :i* to ?r[ myself headlong & br+ v>iety into my life4 ,luxuri\s1 bu/l+ dep>tures surr\nd$ by solicit\s inf]iors1 a lazy lean+ back 9 railway tra9s t ?und] along ?r\gh wild l&scapes & pa/ cities ris+ up & gr[+ z if bl[n by ! w9d4 ,/eam]s1 ma/s1 ord]s giv5 9 b>b>\s tongues1 l&+s on gold5 quays1 !n /range1 exotic faces 9 ! sunlight1 puzzl+ly alike1 & monum5ts1 famili> f pictures1 :i*1 9 my t\ri/'s pride1 seem to h come close to me4 ,my bra9 0 empty1 my he>t arid4 ,i _h nev] f\nd any?+1 n ev5 a fri5d4 ,i 0 a poor man /r&$ = a day 9 a bo>d+-h\se room :]e ev]ybody comes & ev]ybody goes4 ,& yet ,i long$ = glory6 ,= glory b\nd to me l a miracul\s w\nd t ,i %\ld feel & ev]ybody w\ld talk ab\t4 ,i long$ = a foll[+ ( :i* ,i %\ld be ! lead]1 my "n acclaim$ "u ! heav5s l a new cl>ion call4 ,b ,i felt my gr&eur slip away4 ,my *ildi% imag9ation play$ 9 va9 ) ^? b\ndless fancies4 ,!re 0 no?+ m = me to expect f life4 ,!re 0 only ,i1 :o1 /ripp$ by ! night1 rose upw>d l a cry4 ,i c\ld h>dly see any m 9 ! d>k4 ,i guess$ at1 r ?an saw1 myself 9 ! mirror4 ,i _h a realis+ s5se ( my weakness & captivity4 ,i held my h&s out t[>d ! w9d[1 my out/ret*$ f+]s mak+ !m look l some?+ torn4 ,i lift$ my face up to ! sky4 ,i sank back & lean$ on ! b$1 a huge object ) a vague human %ape1 l a corpse4 ,god1 ,i 0 lo/6 ,i pray$ to ,him to h pity on me4 ,i ?\ght t ,i 0 wise & cont5t ) my lot4 ,i _h said to myself t ,i 0 free f ! in/9ct ( !ft4 ,alas1 alas1 x 0 n true1 s9ce ,i long$ to take ev]y?+ t 0 n m9e4 ,,*apt] ,,ii ,! s\nd ( ! horn _h ceas$ = "s "t4 ,! /reet & ! h\ses _h quiet$ d[n4 ,sil5ce4 ,i pass$ my h& ov] my =ehead4 ,my fit ( emotion 0 ov]4 ,s mu* ! bett]4 ,i recov]$ my balance by an ef=t ( w-p[]4 ,i sat d[n at ! table & took "s pap]s out ( my bag t ,i _h to look ov] & arrange4 ,some?+ spurr$ me on4 ,i want$ to e>n a little money4 ,i c\ld !n s5d "s to my old aunt :o _h br\ght me up4 ,%e always wait$ = me 9 ! l[-ceil+$ room1 :]e h] sew+-ma*9e1 aft]noons1 :irr$1 monoton\s & tiresome z a clock1 & :]e1 ev5+s1 !re 0 a lamp beside h] :i* someh[ seem$ to look l h]self4 ,notes--! notes f :i* ,i 0 to draw up ! report t w\ld %[ my ability & def9itely decide :e!r ,i w\ld get a position 9 ,monsieur ,b]ton's bank--,monsieur ,b]ton1 :o c\ld d ev]y?+ = me1 :o _h b to say a ^w1 ! god ( my mat]ial life4 ,i />t$ to light ! lamp4 ,i scrat*$ a mat*4 ,x did n cat* fire1 ! phosphor\s end break+ (f4 ,i ?rew x away & wait$ a mom5t1 feel+ a little tir$4 ,!n ,i he>d a song humm$ q close to my e>4 4 4 4 4 4 ,"s "o seem$ to be lean+ on my %\ld]1 s++ = me1 only = me1 9 confid5ce4 ,ah1 an halluc9ation6 ,surely my bra9 0 sick--my puni%m5t = hav+ ?\ght too h>d4 ,i /ood up1 & my h& clut*$ ! edge ( ! table4 ,i 0 oppress$ by a feel+ ( ! sup]natural4 ,i sniff$ ! air1 my eyelids bl9k+1 al]t & suspici\s4 ,! s++ kept on4 ,i c\ld n get rid ( x4 ,my head 0 beg9n+ to g r\nd4 ,! s++ came f ! room next to m9e4 ,:y 0 x s pure1 s /rangely ne>8 ,:y did x t\* me s8 ,i look$ at ! wall betwe5 ! two rooms1 & /ifl$ a cry ( surprise4 ,high up1 ne> ! ceil+1 above ! door1 always kept lock$1 !re 0 a light4 ,! song fell f t />4 ,!re 0 a crack 9 ! p>tition at t spot1 ?r\gh :i* ! light ( ! next room ent]$ ! night ( m9e4 ,i climb$ up on ! b$1 & my face 0 on a level ) ! crack4 ,rott5 woodwork1 two loose bricks4 ,! pla/] gave way & an op5+ appe>$ z l>ge z my h&1 b invisible f bel[1 because ( ! m\ld+4 ,i look$4 ,i beheld4 ,! next room pres5t$ itself to my sight freely4 ,x spread out be=e me1 ?is room :i* 0 n m9e4 ,! voice t _h be5 s++ _h gone1 & 9 go+ _h left ! door op51 & x almo/ seem$ z ?\gh ! door 7 /ill sw++ on its h+es4 ,!re 0 no?+ 9 ! room b a light$ c&le1 :i* trembl$ on ! mantelpiece4 ,at t di/ance ! table look$ l an isl&1 ! blui% & r$di% pieces ( furniture1 9 _! vague outl9e1 l ! organs ( a body almo/ alive4 ,i look$ at ! w>drobe4 ,bright1 confus$ l9es go+ /raight up1 its feet 9 d>kness4 ,! ceil+1 ! reflection ( ! ceil+ 9 ! glass1 & ! pale w9d[ l a human face aga9/ ! sky4 ,i return$ to my room--z if ,i _h really left x--/unn$ at fir/1 my ?\ghts 9 a :irl1 almo/ =gett+ :o ,i 04 ,i sat d[n on my b$1 ?9k+ ?+s ov] quickly & trembl+ a little1 oppress$ by :at 0 to come4 ,i dom9at$1 ,i possess$ t room4 ,my eyes ent]$ x4 ,i 0 9 x4 ,all :o w\ld be !re w\ld be !re ) me )\t kn[+ x4 ,i %\ld see !m1 ,i %\ld he> !m1 ,i %\ld be z mu* 9 _! company z ?\gh ! door 7 op54 4 4 4 4 4 ,a mom5t lat] ,i rais$ my face to ! hole & look$ aga94 ,! c&le 0 out1 b "s "o 0 !re4 ,x 0 ! maid4 ,no d\bt %e _h come 9 to put ! room 9 ord]4 ,!n %e paus$4 ,%e 0 alone4 ,%e 0 q ne> me4 ,b ,i did n v well see ! liv+ be+ :o 0 mov+ ab\t1 p]haps because ,i 0 dazzl$ by see+ x s truly--a d>k blue apron1 fall+ d[n f h] wai/ l rays ( ev5+1 :ite wri/s1 h&s d>k] ?an h] wri/s f toil1 a face undecid$ yet /rik+1 eyes hidd5 yet %9+1 *eeks prom95t & cle>1 a knot on top ( h] head gleam+ l a cr[n4 ,a %ort "t be=e ,i _h se5 ! girl on ! /aircase b5d+ ov] clean+ ! bani/]s1 h] r$d5$ face close to h] l>ge h&s4 ,i _h f\nd h] repulsive because ( ^? black5$ h&s ( h]s & ! du/y *ores t %e /oop$ ov]4 ,i _h also se5 h] 9 a hallway walk+ ahead ( me heavily1 h] hair hang+ loose & h] body giv+ out an unpleasant od\r1 s t y felt x 0 obnoxi\s & wrapp$ 9 dirty und]we>4 4 4 4 4 4 ,& n[ ,i look$ at h] aga94 ,! ev5+ g5tly dispell$ ! ugl9ess1 wip$ out ! mis]y & ! horror1 *ang$ ! du/ into %ad[1 l a curse turn$ into a bless+4 ,all t rema9$ ( h] 0 col\r1 a mi/1 an outl9e2 n ev5 t2 a ?rill & ! beat+ ( h] he>t4 ,e trace ( h] _h disappe>$ save h] true self4 ,t 0 because %e 0 alone4 ,an extraord9>y ?+1 a da% ( ! div9e 9 x1 to be actually alone4 ,%e 0 9 t p]fect innoc5ce1 t purity :i* is solitude4 ,i desecrat$ h] solitude ) my eyes1 b %e did n "k x1 & s _/%e_/ 0 n desecrat$4 ,%e w5t ov] to ! w9d[ ) bright5+ eyes & sw++ h&s 9 h] apron ( ! col\r ( ! nocturnal sky4 ,h] face & ! upp] "p ( h] body 7 illum9at$4 ,%e seem$ to be 9 heav54 ,%e sat d[n on ! s(a1 a great l[ r$ %ad[ 9 ! dep?s ( ! room ne> ! w9d[4 ,%e lean$ h] broom beside h]4 ,h] du/ clo? fell to ! floor & 0 lo/ f sight4 ,%e took a lett] f h] pocket & read x4 ,9 ! twilight ! lett] 0 ! :ite/ ?+ 9 ! _w4 ,! d\ble %eet trembl$ betwe5 h] f+]s1 :i* held x c>efully1 l a dove 9 ! air4 ,%e put ! trembl+ lett] to h] lips1 & kiss$ x4 ,f :om 0 ! lett]8 ,n f h] family4 ,a s]vant girl is n likely to h s mu* filial devotion z to kiss a lett] f h] p>5ts4 ,a lov]1 h] betro!d1 yes4 ,_m1 p]haps1 knew h] lov]'s "n4 ,i did n1 b ,i witness$ h] love z no o!r p]son _h4 ,& t simple ge/ure ( kiss+ ! pap]1 t ge/ure buri$ 9 a room1 /ripp$ b>e by ! d>k1 _h some?+ sublime & awesome 9 x4 ,%e rose & w5t clos] to ! w9d[1 ! :ite lett] fold$ 9 h] grey h&4 ,! night ?ick5$--& x seem$ to me z if ,i no long] knew h] age1 nor h] "n1 nor ! "w %e happ5$ to be do+ d[n "h1 nor any?+ ab\t h]--no?+ at all4 ,%e gaz$ at ! pale imm5sity1 :i* t\*$ h]4 ,h] eyes gleam$4 ,y w\ld say %e 0 cry+1 b no1 h] eyes only %$ light4 ,%e w\ld be an angel if reality fl\ri%$ ^u ! e>?4 ,%e sigh$ & walk$ to ! door sl[ly4 ,! door clos$ beh9d h] l some?+ fall+4 ,%e _h gone )\t do+ any?+ b read+ h] lett] & kiss+ x4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i return$ to my corn] lonely1 m t]ribly alone ?an be=e4 ,! simplicity ( ?is meet+ /irr$ me pr(\ndly4 ,yet !re _h be5 no "o !re b a human be+1 a human be+ l myself4 ,!n !re is no?+ sweet] & /rong] ?an to approa* a human be+1 :oev] t human be+ may be4 ,?is woman ent]$ into my intimate life & took a place 9 my he>t4 ,h[8 ,:y8 ,i did n "k4 ,b :at importance %e assum$6 ,n ( h]self4 ,i did n "k h]1 & ,i did n c>e to "k h]4 ,%e assum$ importance by ! sole value ( ! mom5t>y revelation ( h] exi/5ce1 by ! example %e gave1 by ! wake ( h] actual pres5ce1 by ! true s\nd ( h] /eps4 ,x seem$ to me z if ! sup]natural dream ,i _h _h a %ort :ile be=e _h be5 grant$1 & t :at ,i call$ ! inf9ite _h come4 ,:at t woman1 )\t kn[+ x1 _h giv5 me by %[+ me h] nak$ kiss--0 x n ! cr[n+ beauty ! reflection ( :i* cov]s y ) glory8 4 4 4 4 4 ,! d9n] bell rang4 ,?is summons to ev]yday reality & "o's usual occupations *ang$ ! c\rse ( my ?\ghts = ! mom5t4 ,i got ready to g d[n to d9n]4 ,i put on a gay wai/coat & a d>k coat1 & ,i /uck a pe>l 9 my cravat4 ,!n ,i /ood /ill & li/5$1 hop+ to he> a foot/ep or a voice4 ,:ile do+ ^! conv5tional ?+s1 ,i cont9u$ to be obsess$ by ! great ev5t t _h happ5$--?is app>ition4 ,i w5t d[n/airs & jo9$ ! re/ ( my fell[-bo>d]s 9 ! br[n & gold d9+-room4 ,!re 0 a g5]al /ir & bu/le & ! usual empty int]e/ be=e a meal4 ,a numb] ( p seat$ !mselves ) ! good mann]s ( polite society4 ,smiles1 ! s\nd ( *airs be+ drawn up to ! table1 words ?r[n out1 conv]sations />t$4 ,!n ! conc]t ( plates & di%es began & grew /eadily l\d]4 ,my neighb\rs talk$ to ^? beside !m4 ,i he>d _! murmur1 :i* acc5tuat$ my alon5ess4 ,i lift$ my eyes4 ,9 front ( me a %9+ r[ ( =eheads1 eyes1 coll>s1 %irtfronts1 wai/s1 & busy h&s above a table ( gli/5+ :it5ess4 ,all ^! ?+s attract$ my att5tion & di/ract$ x at ! same "t4 ,i did n "k :at ^! p 7 ?9k+ ab\t4 ,i did n "k :o !y 74 ,!y hid !mselves f "o ano!r4 ,_! %9+ fronts made a wall aga9/ :i* ,i da%$ 9 va94 ,bracelets1 necklaces1 r+s4 ,! sp>kl+ ( ! jewels made me feel f> away f !m z d ! />s4 ,a "y girl look$ at me ) vague blue eyes4 ,:at c\ld ,i d aga9/ t k9d ( sapphire8 ,!y talk$1 b ! noise left ea* "o to himself1 & deaf5$ me1 z ! light bl9d$ me4 ,nev]!less1 at c]ta9 mom5ts ^! p1 because 9 ! c\rse ( conv]sation !y ?\ght ( ?+s !y _h at he>t1 reveal$ !mselves z if !y 7 alone4 ,i recogniz$ ! revelation ( ?is tru?1 & felt myself turn+ pale on rememb]+ t o!r revelation4 ,"s "o spoke ( money1 & ! subject became g5]al4 ,! assembly 0 /irr$ by an ideal4 ,a dream ( grasp+ & t\*+ %one ?r\gh _! eyes1 j z a little adoration _h come into ! eyes ( ! s]vant :5 %e f\nd h]self alone4 ,!y recall$ milit>y h]oes triumphantly1 & "s m5 ?\ght1 ,me1 too6 & work$ !mselves up into a fev]1 %[+ :at !y 7 ?9k+ (1 9 spite ( _! ridicul\sly l[ /ation & ! slav]y ( _! social position4 ,"o "y girl seem$ dazzl$1 look$ ov]:elm$4 ,%e c\ld n re/ra9 a sigh ( ec/asy4 ,%e blu%$ "u ! effect ( an inscrutable ?\ght4 ,i saw ! surge ( blood m\nt to h] face4 ,i saw h] he>t beam+4 ,!y discuss$ ! ph5om5a ( occultism & ! ,beyond4 ,:o kn[s8 "s "o said4 ,!n !y discuss$ dea?4 ,two d9]s1 at opposite ends ( ! table1 a man & a woman :o _h n spok5 to ea* o!r & seem$ n to be acqua9t$1 ex*ang$ a glance t ,i caught4 ,& see+ t glance leap f _! eyes at ! same "t1 "u ! %ock ( ! idea ( dea?1 ,i und]/ood t ^! two lov$ ea* o!r4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! meal 0 ov]4 ,! "y p w5t into ! p>l\r4 ,a lawy] 0 tell+ "s p ar\nd him ab\t a murd] case t _h be5 decid$ t day4 ,! nature ( ! subject 0 su* t he express$ himself v cauti\sly1 z ?\gh confid+ a secret4 ,a man _h injur$ & !n murd]$ a little girl & _h kept s++ at ! top ( 8 voice to prev5t ! cries ( 8 little victim f be+ he>d4 ,"o by "o ! p /opp$ talk+ & li/5$ ) ! air ( really n li/5+1 :ile ^? n s close to ! speak] felt l draw+ up "r next to him4 ,ab\t ?is image ris5 9 _! mid/1 ?is p>oxysm s frightful to our timid in/9cts1 ! sil5ce spread 9 a circle 9 _! s\ls l a t]rific noise4 ,!n ,i he>d ! laugh ( a woman1 ( an hone/ woman1 a dry crackl+ laugh1 :i* %e ?\ght innoc5t p]haps1 b :i* c>ess$ h] :ole be+1 a bur/ ( laught]1 :i*1 made up ( =mless in/9ctive cries1 0 almo/ fle%y4 ,%e /opp$ & turn$1 sil5t aga94 ,& ! speak]1 sure ( 8 effect1 cont9u$ 9 a calm voice to hurl ^u ^! p ! /ory ( ! mon/]'s confession4 ,a "y "m1 ^: daught] 0 sitt+ beside h]1 half got up1 b c\ld n leave4 ,%e sat d[n aga9 & b5t =w>d to conceal h] daught]4 ,%e 0 eag] & yet a%am$ to li/54 ,ano!r woman 0 sitt+ motionless1 ) h] head lean+ =w>d1 b h] m\? compress$ z if %e 7 def5d+ h]self tragically4 ,& b5ea? ! worldly mask ( h] face1 ,i saw a fanatical m>tyr's smile impress itself l h&writ+4 ,& ! m56 ,i di/9ctly he>d "o man1 ! man :o 0 s calm & simple1 cat* 8 brea?4 ,ano!r man1 ) a *>act]less bus9ess man's face1 0 mak+ a great ef=t to talk ( ?is & t to a "y girl sitt+ next to him1 :ile he wat*$ h] ) a look ( :i* he 0 a%am$ & :i* made him bl9k4 ,& ev]ybody condemn$ ! satyr 9 t]ms ( ! greate/ abuse4 ,& s1 = a mom5t1 !y _h n li$4 ,!y _h almo/ confess$1 p]haps unconsci\sly1 & ev5 )\t kn[+ :at !y _h confess$4 ,!y _h almo/ be5 _! real selves4 ,desire _h leap$ into _! eyes1 & ! reflection pass$--& ,i _h se5 :at happ5$ 9 ! sil5ce1 seal$ by _! lips4 ,x is ?is1 x is ?is ?\ght1 ?is k9d ( liv+ spectre1 t ,i wi%$ to /udy4 ,i rose1 %rugg+ my %\ld]s1 & hurri$ out1 impell$ by eag]ness to see ! s9c]ity ( m5 & wom5 unveil$ be=e my eyes1 beautiful z a ma/]piece 9 spite ( its ugl9ess4 ,s1 back 9 my room aga91 ,i plac$ myself aga9/ ! wall z if to embrace x & look d[n into ! ,room4 ,!re x 0 at my feet4 ,ev5 :5 empty1 x 0 m alive ?an ! p "o meets & associates )1 ! p :o h ! va/ness ( numb]s to lose !mselves 9 & be =gott5 91 :o h voices = ly+ & faces to hide !mselves beh9d4 ,,*apt] ,,iii ,night1 absolute night4 ,%ad[s ?ick z velvet hung all ar\nd4 ,ev]y?+ sank into d>kness4 ,i sat d[n & lean$ my elb[ on ! r\nd table1 light$ by ! lamp4 ,i meant to "w1 b z a matt] ( fact ,i only li/5$4 ,i _h look$ into ! ,room a %ort "t be=e4 ,no "o _h be5 !re1 b no d\bt "s "o 0 go+ to come4 ,"s "o 0 go+ to come1 t ev5+ p]haps1 or ! next day1 or ! day aft]4 ,"s "o 0 b\nd to come4 ,!n o!r human be+s w\ld foll[ 9 succession4 ,i wait$1 & x seem$ to me z if t 0 all ,i 0 made =4 ,i wait$ a long "t1 n d>+ to g to sleep4 ,!n1 v late1 :5 sil5ce _h be5 reign+ s long t x p>alys$ me1 ,i made an ef=t4 ,i lean$ up aga9/ ! wall once m & look$ pray]fully4 ,! ,room 0 black1 all ?+s bl5d+ into "o1 full ( ! night1 full ( ! unkn[n1 ( e possible ?+4 ,i dropp$ back into my own room4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! next day ,i saw ! ,room 9 ! simplicity ( daylight4 ,i saw ! dawn spread ov] x4 ,little by little1 x began to come out ( its ru9s & to rise4 ,x 0 arrang$ & furni%$ on ! same plan z my own room4 ,opposite me 0 ! mantelpiece ) ! look+-glass above4 ,on ! "r 0 ! b$1 & on ! left1 on ! same side z ! w9d[1 a s(a1 *airs1 arm*airs1 table1 w>drobe4 ,! rooms 7 id5tical1 b ! hi/ory ( m9e 0 f9i%$ :ile ! hi/ory ( ! o!r "o _h n yet begun4 ,aft] an insipid breakfa/1 ,i return$ to ! spot t attract$ me1 ! hole 9 ! p>tition4 ,no?+4 ,i climb$ d[n aga94 ,x 0 close4 ,a fa9t smell f ! kit*5 l+]$ ev5 "h4 ,i paus$ 9 ! inf9ite va/ness ( my empty room4 ,i op5$ my door a little bit1 !n all ! way4 ,9 ! hall ! door ( ea* room 0 pa9t$ br[n1 ) numb]s c>v$ on brass plates4 ,all 7 clos$4 ,i took a few /eps1 :i* ,i alone he>d--he>d e*o+ too l\dly 9 t h\se1 huge & immobile4 ,! passage 0 v long & n>r[4 ,! wall 0 hung ) imitation tape/ry ( d>k gre5 foliage1 aga9/ :i* %one ! copp] ( a gas fixture4 ,i lean$ ov] ! bani/]4 ,a s]vant 7! "o :o wait$ at ! table & 0 we>+ a blue apron n[1 h>dly recognisable ) h] hair 9 disord]7 came skipp+ d[n f ! floor above ) newspap]s "u h] arm4 ,madame ,lem]ci]'s little girl1 ) a c>eful h& on ! bani/]1 0 com+ up/airs1 h] neck ?ru/ =w>d l a bird1 & ,i comp>$ h] little foot/eps to fragm5ts ( pass+ seconds4 ,a lady & a g5tleman pass$ 9 front ( me1 break+ (f _! conv]sation to keep me f cat*+ :at !y 7 say+1 z if !y refus$ me ! alms ( _! ?\ghts4 ,^! trifl+ ev5ts disappe>$ l sc5es ( a com$y on :i* ! curta9 falls4 ,i pass$ ! :ole aft]noon di%e>t5$4 ,i felt z if ,i 7 alone aga9/ !m all1 :ile roam+ ab\t inside ?is h\se & yet outside ( x4 ,z ,i pass$ ?r\gh ! hallway1 a door w5t %ut ha/ily1 cutt+ (f ! laugh ( a woman tak5 by surprise4 ,a s5seless noise ooz$ f ! walls1 worse ?an sil5ce4 ,f "u ea* door a brok5 ray ( light crept out1 worse ?an d>kness4 ,i w5t d[n/airs to ! p>l\r1 attract$ by ! s\nd ( conv]sation4 ,a gr\p ( m5 7 talk+1 ,i no long] rememb] ab\t :at4 ,!y w5t out1 & ,i 0 alone4 ,i he>d !m talk+ 9 ! hall4 ,!n _! voices di$ away4 ,a fa%ionable lady came 91 ) a ru/le ( silk & ! smell ( fl[]s & p]fume4 ,%e took up a lot ( room because ( h] fragrance & elegance4 ,%e c>ri$ h] head held slightly =w>d & _h a beautiful long face set (f by an expression ( great sweetness4 ,b ,i c\ld n see h] well1 because %e did n look at me4 ,%e seat$ h]self1 pick$ up a book1 & turn$ ! pages1 & ! leaves ca/ ^u h] face a reflection ( :it5ess & ?\ghtfulness4 ,i wat*$ h] bosom ris+ & fall+1 & h] motionless face1 & ! liv+ book t 0 m]g$ ) h]4 ,h] complexion 0 s brilliant t h] m\? seem$ almo/ d>k4 ,h] beauty sadd5$ me4 ,i look$ at ?is unkn[n woman ) sublime regret4 ,%e c>ess$ me by h] pres5ce4 ,a woman always c>esses a man :5 %e comes ne> him & !y are alone4 ,9 spite ( all sorts ( sep>ation1 !re is always an awful beg9n+ ( happ9ess betwe5 !m4 ,b %e w5t out4 ,t 0 ! end ( h]4 ,no?+ _h happ5$1 & n[ x 0 ov]4 ,all ?is 0 too simple1 too h>d1 too true4 ,a g5tle despair t ,i _h nev] exp]i5c$ be=e tr\bl$ me4 ,s9ce ! previ\s day ,i _h *ang$4 ,human life1 its liv+ tru?1 ,i knew x z we all "k x4 ,i _h be5 famili> ) x all my life4 ,i believ$ 9 x ) a k9d ( fe> n[ t x _h appe>$ to me 9 a div9e =m4 ,,*apt] ,,iv ,i w5t = sev]al days )\t see+ any?+4 ,^? days 7 frightfully w>m4 ,at fir/ ! sky 0 grey & ra9y4 ,n[ ,septemb] 0 flam+ to a close4 ,friday6 ,:y1 ,i _h be5 9 t h\se a week already4 ,"o sultry morn+ ,i sat 9 my room & sank into dreamy mus+s & ?\ght ( a fairy tale4 ,! edge ( a =e/4 ,9 ! und]gr[? on ! d>k em]ald c>pet1 circles ( sunlight4 ,bel[1 a hill ris+ f ! pla91 & above ! ?ick yell[ & d>k-gre5 foliage1 a bit ( wall & a turret z 9 a tape/ry4 ,a page advanc$ dress$ l a bird4 ,a buzz+4 ,x 0 ! s\nd ( ! royal *ase 9 ! di/ance4 ,unusually pleasant ?+s 7 go+ to happ54 4 4 4 4 4 ,! next aft]noon 0 also hot & sunny4 ,i rememb]$ simil> aft]noons1 ye>s be=e & ! pres5t seem$ to be t pa/1 z if ! gl[+ heat _h effac$ "t & _h /ifl$ all o!r days b5ea? its brood+ w+s4 ,! room next to m9e 0 almo/ d>k4 ,!y _h clos$ ! %utt]s4 ,?r\gh ! d\ble curta9s made out ( "s ?9 mat]ial ,i saw ! w9d[ /reak$ ) %9+ b>s1 l ! grat+ 9 front ( a fire4 ,9 ! torrid sil5ce ( ! h\se1 9 ! l>ge slumb] x enclos$1 bur/s ( laught] m\nt$ & broke1 voices di$ away1 z !y _h ! day be=e & z !y always w\ld4 ,f out ( ^! remot] s\nds em]g$ ! di/9ct s\nd ( foot/eps1 com+ ne>] & ne>]4 ,i propp$ myself up aga9/ ! wall & look$4 ,! door ( ! ,room op5$1 z if pu%$ 9 by ! flood ( light t /ream$ ?r\gh x1 & two t9y %ad[s appe>$1 engulf$ 9 ! brightness4 ,!y act$ z ?\gh !y 7 be+ pursu$4 ,!y hesitat$ on ! ?re%old1 ! doorway mak+ a frame ar\nd ^? little creatures4 ,& !n !y ent]$4 ,! door clos$4 ,! ,room 0 n[ alive4 ,i scrut9is$ ! newcom]s4 ,i saw !m indi/9ctly ?r\gh ! d>k r$ & gre5 spots danc+ 9 front ( my eyes1 :i* _h be5 dazzl$ by ! flood ( light4 ,a little boy & a little girl1 twelve or ?irte5 ye>s old4 ,!y sat d[n on ! s(a1 & look$ at ea* o!r 9 sil5ce4 ,_! faces 7 almo/ alike4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! boy murmur$3 ,y see1 ,hlne1 !re is no "o "h4 ,& a h& po9t$ to ! uncov]$ b$1 & to ! empty table & empty clo!s-racks--! c>eful d5udation ( unoccupi$ rooms4 ,!n ! same h& began to tremble l a leaf4 ,i he>d ! beat+ ( my he>t4 ,! voices :isp]$3 ,we are alone4 ,!y did n see u4 ,?is is ab\t ! fir/ "t we've ev] be5 alone toge!r4 ,yet we h always kn[n ea* o!r4 ,a little laugh4 ,!y seem$ to ne$ solitude1 ! fir/ /ep to a my/]y t[>d :i* !y 7 travell+ toge!r4 ,!y _h fl$ f ! o!rs4 ,!y _h creat$ = !mselves ! =bidd5 solitude4 ,b y c\ld cle>ly tell t n[ t !y _h f\nd solitude1 !y did n "k :at else to look =4 4 4 4 4 4 ,!n ,i he>d "o ( !m /amm] & say sadly1 ) almo/ a sob3 ,we love ea* o!r de>ly4 ,!n a t5d] phrase rose brea?lessly1 grop+ = words1 timidly1 l a bird j le>n+ to fly3 ,i'd l to love y m4 ,to see !m ?us b5t t[>d ea* o!r1 9 ! w>m %ad[1 :i* ba!d !m & veil$ ! *ildi%ness ( _! features1 y w\ld h ?\ght !m two lov]s meet+4 ,two lov]s6 ,t 0 _! dream1 ?\gh !y did n yet "k :at love meant4 ,"o ( !m _h said ! fir/ "t4 ,x 0 ! "t t !y felt !y 7 alone1 al?\gh ^! two c\s9s _h be5 liv+ close toge!r4 ,no d\bt x 0 ! fir/ "t t ! two _h s\ght to leave fri5d%ip & *ildhood beh9d !m4 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t t desire _h come to surprise & tr\ble two he>ts1 :i* until n[ _h slept4 4 4 4 4 4 ,sudd5ly !y /ood up1 & ! sl5d] ray ( sunlight1 :i* pass$ ov] !m & fell at _! feet1 reveal$ _! figures1 light$ up _! faces & hair1 s t _! pres5ce bright5$ ! room4 ,7 !y go+ away8 ,no1 !y sat d[n aga94 ,ev]y?+ fell back into %ad[1 into my/]y1 into tru?4 ,9 behold+ !m1 ,i felt a confus$ m+l+ ( my pa/ & ! pa/ ( ! _w4 ,:]e 7 !y8 ,ev]y:]e1 s9ce !y exi/$4 ,!y 7 on ! banks ( ! ,nile1 ! ,ganges1 or ! ,cydnus1 on ! banks ( ! et]nal riv] ( ! ages4 ,!y 7 ,daphnis & ,*lo1 "u a myrtle bu%1 9 ! ,greek sun%9e1 ! %imm] ( leaves on _! faces1 & _! faces mirror+ ea* o!r4 ,_! vague little conv]sation humm$ l ! w+s ( a bee1 ne> ! fre%ness ( f\nta9s & ! heat t consum$ ! mead[s1 :ile 9 ! di/ance a *>iot w5t by1 lad5 ) %eaves4 ,! new _w op5$4 ,! pant+ tru? 0 !re4 ,x confus$ !m4 ,!y fe>$ ! brusque intrusion ( "s div9ity4 ,!y 7 happy & unhappy4 ,!y ne/l$ z close toge!r z !y c\ld4 ,!y br\ght to ea* o!r z mu* z !y c\ld4 ,b !y did n suspect :at x 0 t !y 7 br++4 ,!y 7 too small1 too "y4 ,!y _h n liv$ long en\gh4 ,ea* 0 to self a /ifl+ secret4 ,l all human be+s1 l me1 l u1 !y wi%$ = :at !y did n h4 ,!y 7 begg>s4 ,b !y ask$ _/!mselves_/ = *>ity4 ,!y ask$ = help f _! _/own_/ p]sons4 ,! boy1 a man already1 impov]i%$ already by 8 fem99e companion1 turn$1 drawn t[>ds h]1 & held out 8 awkw>d arms1 )\t d>+ to look at h]4 ,! girl1 a woman already1 lean$ h] face on ! back ( ! s(a1 h] eyes %9+4 ,h] *eeks 7 plump & rosy1 t9t$ & w>m$ by h] he>t4 ,! sk9 ( h] neck1 taut & sat9y1 quiv]$4 ,half-bl[n & wait+1 a little voluptu\s because voluptu\sness already emanat$ f h]1 %e 0 l a rose inhal+ sunlight4 ,& ,i--,i c\ld n te> my eyes f !m4 4 4 4 4 4 ,aft] a long sil5ce1 he murmur$3 ,%all we /op call+ ea* o!r by our fir/ names8 ,:y8 ,he seem$ absorb$ 9 ?\ght4 ,s z to beg9 ov] aga91 he said at la/4 ,%all we1 ,miss ,janvi]8 he ask$ aga94 ,%e gave a visible />t at ! t\* ( ?is new mann] ( address1 at ! ^w ,miss1 z if x 7 a k9d ( embrace4 ,:y1 ,mr4 ,lecoq1 %e v5tur$ hesitat+ly1 x is z ?\gh some?+ _h cov]$ u1 & we 7 remov+-- ,n[1 he became bold]4 ,%all we kiss ea* o!r on our m\?s8 ,%e 0 oppress$1 & c\ld n q smile4 ,yes1 %e said4 ,!y caught hold ( ea* o!r's arms & %\ld]s & held out _! lips1 z if _! m\?s 7 birds4 ,jean6 ,hlne6 came s(tly4 ,x 0 ! fir/ ?+ !y _h f\nd out4 ,to embrace ! embrac]1 is x n ! t9ie/ c>ess & ! lea/ sort ( a bond8 ,& yet x is s /]nly prohibit$4 ,aga9 !y seem$ to me to be )\t age4 ,!y 7 l all lov]s1 :ile !y held h&s1 _! faces jo9$1 trembl+ & bl9d1 9 ! %ad[ ( a kiss4 4 4 4 4 4 ,!y broke (f1 & dis5gag$ !mselves f _! embrace1 ^: mean+ !y _h n yet le>n$4 ,!y talk$ ) _! innoc5t lips4 ,ab\t :at8 ,ab\t ! pa/1 :i* 0 s ne> & s %ort4 ,!y 7 leav+ _! p>adise ( *ildhood & ignorance4 ,!y spoke ( a h\se & a g>d5 :]e !y _h bo? liv$4 ,! h\se absorb$ !m4 ,x 0 surr\nd$ by a g>d5 wall1 s t f ! road all y c\ld see 0 ! tip ( ! eaves1 & y c\ldn't tell :at 0 go+ on inside ( x4 ,!y prattl$3 ,! rooms1 :5 we 7 little & !y 7 s big-- ,x 0 easi] to walk !re ?an any:]e else4 ,to he> ! *ildr5 talk1 y w\ld h ?\ght !re 0 some?+ b5evol5t & invisible1 some?+ l ! good ,god ( ! pa/1 beh9d ^? walls4 ,%e humm$ an air %e _h he>d !re1 & said t music 0 easi] to rememb] ?an p4 ,!y dropp$ back into ! pa/ easily & naturally4 ,!y wrapp$ !mselves up 9 _! memories z ?\gh !y 7 cold4 ,! o!r day1 j be=e we left1 ,i took a c&le & walk$ alone ?r\gh ! rooms1 :i* sc>cely woke up to wat* me pass4 ,9 ! g>d51 s prim & well kept1 !y ?\ght only ( ! fl[]s1 & little else4 ,!y saw ! pool1 ! %ady walk1 & ! *]ry tree1 :i*1 9 w9t] :5 ! lawn 0 :ite1 !y made believe _h too _m blossoms--sn[ blossoms4 ,! day be=e !y _h /ill be5 9 ! g>d51 l bro!r & si/]4 ,n[ life seem$ to h gr[n s]i\s all at once1 & !y no long] knew h[ to play4 ,i saw t !y want$ to kill ! pa/4 ,:5 we are old1 we let x die2 :5 we are "y & /rong1 we kill x4 ,%e sat up /raight4 ,i don't want to rememb] any m1 %e said4 ,& he3 ,i don't want u to be l ea* o!r any m4 ,i don't want u to be bro!r & si/] any m4 ,gradually _! eyes op5$4 ,to t\* no?+ b ea* o!r's h&s1 he mutt]$1 trembl+4 ,bro!r--si/]--t's no?+4 ,x _h come--! h\r ( beautiful1 tr\bl$ decisions1 ( =bidd5 fruits4 ,!y _h n belong$ to ea* o!r be=e4 ,! h\r _h come :5 !y s\ght to be all 9 all to ea* o!r4 ,!y 7 a little self-consci\s1 a little a%am$ ( !mselves already4 ,a few days be=e1 9 ! ev5+1 x _h giv5 !m pr(\nd pleasure to disobey _! p>5ts & g out ( ! g>d5 al?\gh !y _h be5 =bidd5 to leave x4 ,gr&mo!r came to ! top ( ! /eps & call$ to u to come 94 ,b we 7 gone4 ,we _h slipp$ ?r\gh ! hole 9 ! h$ge :]e a bird always sang4 ,!re 0 no w9d1 & sc>cely any light4 ,ev5 ! trees didn't /ir4 ,! du/ on ! gr\nd 0 dead4 ,! %ad[s /ole r\nd u s s(tly t we almo/ spoke to !m4 ,we 7 fright5$ to see night com+ on4 ,ev]y?+ _h lo/ its col\r4 ,b ! night 0 cle>1 & ! fl[]s1 ! road1 ev5 ! :eat 7 silv]4 ,& x 0 !n t my m\? came close/ to y\r m\?4 ,! night1 %e said1 h] s\l c>ri$ al(t on a wave ( beauty1 ! night c>esses ! c>esses4 ,i took y\r h&1 & ,i knew t y w\ld live life :ole4 ,:5 ,i us$ to say ',hlne1' ,i did n "k :at ,i 0 say+4 ,n[1 :5 ,i %all say '%e1' x w be ev]y?+4 ,once m _! lips jo9$4 ,_! m\?s & _! eyes 7 ^? ( ,adam & ,eve4 ,i recall$ ! ance/ral lesson f :i* sacr$ hi/ory & human hi/ory fl[ z f a f\nta94 ,!y w&]$ 9 ! p5etrat+ light ( p>adise )\t k4 ,!y 7 z if !y did n exi/4 ,:5--?r\gh triumphant curiosity1 ?\gh =bidd5 by ,god himself--!y le>n$ ! secret1 ! sky 0 d>k5$4 ,! c]ta9ty ( a future ( sorr[ _h fall5 ^u !m4 ,angels pursu$ !m l vultures4 ,!y grovell$ on ! gr\nd f day to day1 b !y _h creat$ love1 !y _h replac$ div9e ri*es by ! pov]ty ( belong+ to ea* o!r4 ,! two little *ildr5 _h tak5 _! p>ts 9 ! et]nal drama4 ,by talk+ to ea* o!r z !y did !y _h re/or$ to _! fir/ names _! full significance4 ,i %\ld l to love y m4 ,i %\ld l to love y h>d]4 ,h[ c\ld ,i8 4 4 4 4 4 ,!y said no m1 z ?\gh !re 7 no m words = !m4 ,!y 7 completely absorb$ 9 !mselves1 & _! h&s trembl$4 ,!n !y rose1 & z !y did s1 ! door op5$4 ,!re /ood ! old /oop+ gr&mo!r4 ,%e came out ( ! grey1 out ( ! realm ( phantoms1 out ( ! pa/4 ,%e 0 look+ = !m z if !y _h gone a/ray4 ,%e call$ !m 9 a l[ voice4 ,%e put into h] tone a great g5tl5ess1 almo/ sadness1 /rangely h>monis+ ) ! *ildr5's pres5ce4 ,y are "h1 *ildr58 %e said1 ) a k9d little laugh4 ,:at are y do+ "h8 ,come1 !y are look+ = y4 ,%e 0 old & fad$1 b %e 0 angelic1 ) h] g[n fa/5$ up to h] neck4 ,beside ^! two1 :o 7 prep>+ = ! l>ge life1 %e 01 !nce=?1 l a *ild1 inactive1 useless4 ,!y ru%$ into h] arms1 & press$ _! =eheads aga9/ h] sa9tly m\?4 ,!y seem$ to be say+ good-by to h] =ev]4 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e w5t out4 ,& a mom5t aft]w>ds !y foll[$ h]1 ha/ily1 z !y _h come1 unit$ n[ by an invisible & sublime bond4 ,on ! ?re%old1 !y look$ at ea* o!r once m4 ,& n[ t ! room 0 empty l a des]t$ sanctu>y1 ,i ?\ght ( _! glance1 _! fir/ glance ( love1 :i* ,i _h se54 ,no "o be=e me _h ev] se5 a fir/ glance ( love4 ,i 0 beside !m1 b1 f> away4 ,i und]/ood & read x )\t be+ "p ( ! infatuation myself1 )\t be+ lo/ 9 ! s5sation4 ,t is :y ,i saw t glance4 ,!y did n "k :5 x began1 !y did n "k t x 0 ! fir/4 ,aft]w>ds !y w\ld =get4 ,! urg5t fl[]+ ( _! he>ts w\ld de/roy ^? preludes4 ,we c no m "k our fir/ glance ( love ?an our la/4 ,i %all rememb] x :5 !y w h =gott5 x4 ,i d n recall my own fir/ glance ( love1 my own fir/ gift ( love4 ,yet x happ5$4 ,^? div9e simplicities are eras$ f my he>t4 ,good ,god1 !n :at d ,i reta9 t is ( value8 ,! little boy t ,i 0 is dead =ev]1 be=e my eyes4 ,i surviv$ him1 b =getfulness torm5t$ me1 !n ov]came me1 ! sad process ( liv+ ru9$ me1 & ,i sc>cely "k :at he knew4 ,i rememb] ?+s at r&om only1 b ! mo/ beautiful1 ! sweete/ memories are gone4 ,well1 ?is t5d] canticle t ,i ov]he>d1 full ( inf9ity & ov]fl[+ ) fre% laught]1 ?is preci\s song1 ,i take & hold & *]i%4 ,x pulses 9 my he>t4 ,i h /ol51 b ,i h pres]v$ tru?4 ,,*apt] ,v ,= a day1 ! ,room rema9$ vacant4 ,twice ,i _h high hopes1 !n disillusionm5t4 ,wait+ _h become a habit1 an occupation4 ,i put (f appo9tm5ts1 delay$ my walks1 ga9$ "t at ! risk ( los+ my position4 ,i arrang$ my life z = a new love4 ,i left my room only to g d[n to d9n]1 :]e no?+ int]e/$ me any m4 ,! second day1 ,i notic$ t ! ,room 0 ready to receive a new occupant4 ,x 0 wait+4 ,i _h a ?\s& dreams ( :o ! gue/ w\ld be1 :ile ! ,room kept its secret1 l "s "o ?9k+4 ,twilight came1 !n ev5+1 :i* magnifi$ ! room b did n *ange x4 ,i 0 already 9 despair1 :5 ! door op5$ 9 ! d>kness1 & ,i saw on ! ?re%old ! %ad[ ( a man4 4 4 4 4 4 ,he 0 sc>cely to be di/+ui%$ 9 ! ev5+ light4 ,d>k clo?+1 milky :ite cuffs f :i* 8 grey tap]+ h&s hung d[n2 a coll> a little :it] ?an ! re/4 ,9 8 r\nd greyi% face ,i c\ld see ! dusky holl[s ( 8 eyes & m\?1 "u ! *9 a cavity ( %ad[4 ,! yell[ ( 8 =ehead %one uncle>ly4 ,8 *eekbone made an obscure b> 9 ! dusk4 ,y w\ld h call$ him a skeleton4 ,:at 0 ?is be+ ^: physiognomy 0 s mon/r\sly simple8 ,he came ne>]1 & 8 face k9dl$1 assum$ life4 ,i saw t he 0 h&some4 ,he _h a *>m+ s]i\s face1 fr+$ ) a f9e black be>d1 a high =ehead & sp>kl+ eyes4 ,a haughty grace guid$ & ref9$ 8 movem5ts4 ,he came =w>d a /ep or two1 !n return$ to ! door1 :i* 0 /ill op54 ,! %ad[ ( ! door trembl$1 a silh\ette appe>$ & took %ape4 ,a little black-glov$ h& grasp$ ! knob1 & a woman /ole into ! room1 ) a que/ion+ face4 ,%e mu/ h be5 a few /eps beh9d him 9 ! /reet4 ,!y _h n wi%$ to ent] ! room toge!r1 9 :i* !y bo? s\ght refuge to escape pursuit4 ,%e clos$ ! door1 & lean$ h] :ole weight aga9/ x1 to close x /ill tight]4 ,sl[ly %e turn$ h] head to him1 p>alys$ = a mom5t1 x seem$ to me1 ) fe> t x 0 n he4 ,!y />$ into ea* o!r's faces4 ,a cry bur/ f !m1 passionate1 re/ra9$1 almo/ mute1 e*o+ f "o to ! o!r4 ,x seem$ to op5 up _! w\nd4 ,y6 ,y6 ,%e almo/ fa9t$4 ,%e dropp$ on 8 brea/ z ?\gh swept by a /orm4 ,%e _h j /r5g? en\gh to fall into 8 arms4 ,i saw ! man's two l>ge pale h&s1 op5$ b slightly crook$1 re/+ on ! woman's back4 ,a sort ( desp]ate palpitation seiz$ !m1 z if an imm5se angel 7 9 ! ,room1 /ruggl+ & mak+ va9 ef=ts to escape4 ,& x seem$ to me t ! ,room 0 too small = ?is c\ple1 al?\gh x 0 full ( ! ev5+4 ,!y didn't see u6 ,x 0 ! same phrase :i* _h come ! o!r day f ! two *ildr54 ,he said1 ,come6 lead+ h] ov] to ! s(a1 ne> ! w9d[1 & !y seat$ !mselves on ! r$ velvet4 ,i saw _! arms jo9$ toge!r z ?\gh by a cord4 ,!y rema9$ !re1 engross$1 ga!r+ ab\t !m all ! %ad[ ( ! _w1 reviv+1 beg9n+ to live aga9 9 _! elem5t ( night & solitude4 ,:at an entry1 :at an entry6 ,:at an irruption ( ana!ma6 ,i _h ?\ght1 :5 ?is =m ( s9 pres5t$ itself be=e me1 :5 ! woman appe>$ at ! door1 pla9ly driv5 t[>d him1 t ,i %\ld witness bliss 9 its pl5itude1 a savage & animal joy1 z mom5t\s z nature4 ,on ! contr>y1 ,i f\nd t ?is meet+ 0 l a he>t-r5d+ f>ewell4 ,!n we %all always be afraid8 ,%e seem$ j a little m tranquil1 & said ?is ) an anxi\s glance at him1 z if really expect+ a reply4 ,%e %udd]$1 huddl$ 9 ! %ad[s1 fev]i%ly /rok+ & press+ ! man's h&1 sitt+ upright1 /iffly4 ,i saw h] ?roat ris+ & fall+ l ! sea4 ,!y /ay$ !re1 t\*+ "o ano!r2 b a l+]+ t]ror m+l$ ) _! c>esses4 ,always afraid--always afraid1 always4 ,f> f ! /reet1 f> f ! sun1 f> f ev]y?+4 ,i :o _h s mu* want$ full daylight & sunlight6 %e said1 look+ at ! sky4 ,!y 7 afraid4 ,fe> m\ld$ !m1 burr[$ into _! he>ts4 ,_! eyes1 _! he>ts 7 afraid4 ,above all1 _! love 0 afraid4 ,a m\rnful smile glid$ across ! man's face4 ,he look$ at 8 fri5d & murmur$3 ,y are ?9k+ ( _/him4_/ ,%e 0 sitt+ ) h] *eeks 9 h] h&s & h] elb[s on h] knees & h] face ?ru/ =w>d4 ,%e did n reply4 ,%e _/0_/ ?9k+ ( him4 ,d\bl$ up1 small z a *ild1 %e gaz$ int5tly into ! di/ance1 at ! man :o 0 n !re4 ,%e b[$ to ?is image l a suppliant1 & felt a div9e reflection f x fall+ ^u h]--f ! man :o 0 n !re1 :o 0 be+ deceiv$1 f ! (f5d$ man1 ! w\nd$ man1 f ! ma/]1 f him :o 0 ev]y:]e except :]e !y 71 :o occupi$ ! imm5se outside1 & ^: "n made !m b[ _! heads1 ! man to :om !y 7 a prey4 ,night fell1 z if %ame & t]ror 7 9 its %ad[s1 ov] ?is man & woman1 :o _h come to hide _! embraces 9 ?is room1 z 9 a tomb :]e dwells ! ,beyond4 4 4 4 4 4 ,he said to h]3 ,i love y6 ,i di/9ctly he>d ^? gr& words4 ,i love y6 ,i %udd]$ to ! dep?s ( my be+ on he>+ ! pr(\nd words :i* came f ^? two human be+s4 ,i love y6 ,! words :i* (f] body & s\l1 ! great op5 cry ( ! creature & ! creation4 ,i love y6 ,i beheld love face to face4 ,!n x seem$ to me t s9c]ity vani%$ 9 ! ha/y incoh]5t ?+s he next said :ile clasp+ h] to him4 ,x 0 z ?\gh he _h a set spee* to make & 0 9 a hurry to get ?r\gh ) x4 ,y & ,i 7 born = ea* o!r4 ,!re is a k9%ip 9 our s\ls :i* mu/ triumph4 ,x 0 no m possible to prev5t u f meet+ & belong+ to ea* o!r ?an to prev5t our lips f unit+ :5 !y came toge!r4 ,:at d moral conv5tions or social b>ri]s matt] to u8 ,our love is made ( inf9ity & et]nity4 ,yes1 %e said1 lull$ by 8 voice4 ,b ,i knew he 0 ly+ or 0 lett+ 8 words run away ) him4 ,love _h become an idol1 a ?+4 ,he 0 blasphem+1 he 0 invok+ inf9ity & et]nity 9 va91 pay+ lip s]vice to x by daily pray] t _h become p]functory4 ,!y let ! banality drop4 ,! woman rema9$ p5sive = a :ile1 !n %e %ook h] head & %e--_/%e_/ pron\nc$ ! ^w ( excuse1 ( glorification2 m ?an t1 ! ^w ( tru?3 ,i 0 s unhappy6 4 4 4 4 4 ,h[ long ago x 06 %e began4 ,x 0 h] "w ( art1 h] poem & h] pray]1 to repeat ?is /ory1 l[ & precipitately1 z if %e 7 9 ! confessional4 ,y felt t %e came to x q naturally1 )\t transition1 s completely did x possess h] :5ev] !y 7 alone4 ,%e 0 simply dress$4 ,%e _h remov$ h] black gloves & h] coat & hat4 ,%e wore a d>k skirt & a r$ wai/ ^u :i* a ?9 gold *a9 0 hang+4 ,%e 0 a woman ( ?irty1 p]haps1 ) regul> features & smoo? silk5 hair4 ,x seem$ to me t ,i knew h]1 b c\ld n place h]4 ,%e began to speak ( h]self q l\dly1 & tell ( h] pa/ :i* _h be5 s h>d4 ,:at a life ,i l$6 ,:at monotony1 :at empt9ess6 ,! little t[n1 our h\se1 ! draw+-room ) ! furniture always arrang$ j s1 _! places nev] *ang$1 l tomb/ones4 ,"o day ,i tri$ to put ! table t /ood 9 ! c5tre 9 ano!r place4 ,i c\ld n d x4 ,h] face pal$1 grew m lum9\s4 ,he li/5$ to h]4 ,a smile ( pati5ce & resignation1 :i* soon 0 l a pa9$ expression ( we>9ess1 crept across 8 h&some face4 ,yes1 he 0 really h&some1 ?\gh a little disconc]t+1 ) 8 l>ge eyes1 :i* wom5 mu/ h ador$1 8 droop+ m\/a*e1 8 t5d]1 di/ant air4 ,he seem$ to be "o ( ^? g5tle p :o ?9k too mu* & d evil4 ,y w\ld h said t he 0 above ev]y?+ & capable ( ev]y?+4 ,li/5+ to h] ) a c]ta9 remot5ess1 b /irr$ by desire = h]1 he _h ! air ( wait+4 ,& sudd5ly ! veil fell f my eyes1 & reality lay /ripp$ be=e me4 ,i saw t betwe5 ^! two p !re 0 an imm5se diff]5ce1 l an inf9ite discord1 sublime to behold because ( its dep?s1 b s pa9ful t x bruis$ my he>t4 _/,he_/ 0 mov$ only by 8 long+ = h]2 _/%e1_/ by h] ne$ ( escap+ f h] ord9>y life4 ,_! desires 7 n ! same4 ,!y seem$ unit$1 b !y dwelt f> ap>t4 ,!y did n talk ! same language4 ,:5 !y spoke ( ! same ?+s1 !y sc>cely und]/ood ea* o!r1 & to my eyes1 f ! v fir/1 _! union appe>$ to be brok5 m ?an if !y _h nev] kn[n ea* o!r4 ,b he did n say :at 0 really 9 8 m9d4 ,y felt x 9 ! s\nd ( 8 voice1 ! v *>m ( 8 intonation1 8 lyrical *oice ( words4 ,he ?\ght to please h]1 & he li$4 ,he 0 evid5tly h] sup]ior1 b %e dom9at$ him by a k9d ( inspir$ s9c]ity4 ,:ile he 0 ma/] ( 8 words1 %e (f]$ h] :ole self 9 h] words4 ,%e describ$ h] =m] life4 ,f ! w9d[s 9 my room & ! d9+-room1 ,i c\ld look out on ! squ>e4 ,! f\nta9 9 ! c5tre1 ) its %ad[ at its base4 ,i wat*$ ! day g r\nd !re1 on t little1 :ite1 r\nd place1 l a sundial4 ,! po/man cross$ x regul>ly1 )\t ?9k+4 ,at ! ars5al gate /ood a soldi] do+ no?+4 ,nobody else ev] came !re4 ,:5 noon rang l a knell1 /ill no "o4 ,:at ,i rememb] be/ ( all 0 ! way noon rang l a knell--! middle ( ! day1 absolute ennui4 ,no?+ ev] happ5$ to me1 no?+ ev] w\ld happ5 to me4 ,!re 0 no?+ = me4 ,! future no long] exi/$ = me4 ,if my days 7 to g on l t1 no?+ w\ld sep>ate me f my dea?-- no?+6 ,n a ?+6 ,to be bor$ is to die6 ,my life 0 dead1 & yet ,i _h to live4 ,x 0 suicide4 ,o!rs kill$ !mselves ) poison or ) a revolv]4 ,i kill$ myself ) m9utes & h\rs4 ,amy6 said ! man4 ,!n1 by d9t ( see+ ! days born 9 ! morn+ & misc>ry+ 9 ! ev5+1 ,i became afraid to die1 & ?is fe> 0 my fir/ passion4 ,(t51 9 ! middle ( a visit ,i 0 pay+1 or 9 ! night1 or :5 ,i came home aft] a walk1 ! l5g? ( ! conv5t wall1 ,i %udd]$ ) hope because ( ?is passion4 ,b :o w\ld free me f x8 ,:o w\ld save me f ?is invisible %ipwreck1 :i* ,i p]ceiv$ only f "t to "t8 ,ar\nd me 0 a sort ( conspiracy1 compos$ ( envy1 meanness & indiff]5ce4 ,:atev] ,i saw1 :atev] ,i he>d1 t5d$ to ?r[ me back into ! n>r[ road1 t /upid n>r[ road along :i* ,i 0 go+4 ,madame ,m>tet1 ! "o fri5d ) :om ,i 0 a little bit intimate1 y "k1 only two ye>s old] ?an ,i am1 told me t ,i mu/ be cont5t ) :at ,i _h4 ,i repli$1 ',!n1 t is ! end ( ev]y?+1 if ,i mu/ be cont5t ) :at ,i h4 ,d y really believe :at y say8' ,%e said %e did4 ,oh1 ! horrid woman6 ,b x 0 n en\gh to be afraid4 ,i _h to hate my ennui4 ,h[ did ,i come to hate x8 ,i d n "k4 ,i no long] knew myself4 ,i no long] 0 myself4 ,i _h su* ne$ ( some?+ else4 ,9 fact1 ,i did n "k my own "n any m4 ,"o day1 ,i rememb] 7al?\gh ,i am n wick$7 ,i _h a happy dream t my husb& 0 dead1 my poor husb& :o _h done no?+ to me1 & t ,i 0 free1 free1 z l>ge z ! _w6 ,x c\ld n la/4 ,i c\ldn't g on =ev] hat+ monotony s mu*4 ,oh1 t empt9ess1 t monotony6 ,( all ! gloomy ?+s 9 ! _w monotony is ! d>ke/1 ! gloomie/4 ,9 comp>ison night is day4 ,religion8 ,x is n ) religion t we fill ! empt9ess ( our days1 x is ) our own life4 ,x 0 n ) beliefs1 ) ideas t ,i _h to /ruggle1 x 0 ) myself4 ,!n ,i f\nd ! rem$y6 ,%e almo/ cri$1 ho>sely1 ec/atically3 ,s91 s96 ,to rid myself ( bor$om by committ+ a crime1 to break up monotony by deceiv+4 ,to s9 9 ord] to be a new p]son1 ano!r p]son4 ,to hate life worse ?an x hat$ me4 ,to s9 s z n to die4 ,i met y4 ,y wrote v]ses & books4 ,y 7 diff]5t f ! re/4 ,y\r voice vibrat$ & gave ! impression ( beauty1 & above all1 y 7 !re1 9 my exi/5ce1 9 front ( me6 ,i _h only to hold out my arms4 ,!n ,i lov$ y ) all my he>t1 if y c call x love1 my poor little fri5d6 ,%e spoke n[ 9 a l[ quick voice1 bo? oppress$ & en?usia/ic1 & %e play$ ) h] companion's h& z if x 7 a *ild's toy4 ,& y1 too1 y lov$ me1 naturally4 ,& :5 we slipp$ into a hotel "o ev5+1 ! fir/ "t1 x seem$ to me z if ! door op5$ ( itself1 & ,i 0 grateful = hav+ rebell$ & hav+ brok5 my de/9y4 ,& !n ! deceit--f :i* we suff] sometimes1 b :i*1 aft] reflection1 we no long] dete/--! risks1 ! dang]s t give pleasure to ea* m9ute1 ! complications t add v>iety to life1 ^! rooms1 ^! hid+-places1 ^! black prisons1 :i* h fl$ f ! sunlight ,i once knew6 ,ah6 %e said4 ,x seem$ to me t %e sigh$ z if1 n[ t h] aspiration 0 realiz$1 %e _h no?+ s beautiful to hope = any m4 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e ?\ght a mom5t1 & !n said3 ,see :at we are4 ,i too may h believ$ at fir/ 9 a sort ( ?und]bolt1 a sup]natural & fatal attraction1 because ( y\r poetry4 ,b 9 reality ,i came to y--,i see myself n[--) cl5*$ fi/s & clos$ eyes4 ,%e add$3 ,we deceive ourselves a good deal ab\t love4 ,x is almo/ nev] :at !y say x is4 ,!re may be sublime aff9ities1 magnific5t attractions4 ,i d n say su* a love may n exi/ betwe5 two human be+s4 ,b we are n ^! two4 ,we h nev] ?\ght ( any?+ b ourselves4 ,i "k1 ( c\rse1 t ,i am 9 love ) y4 ,s are y ) me4 ,!re is an attraction = y :i* does n exi/ = me1 s9ce ,i d n feel any pleasure4 ,y see1 we are mak+ a b>ga94 ,y give me a dream1 ,i give y joy4 ,b all ?is is n love4 ,he %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s1 half 9 d\bt1 half 9 prote/4 ,he did n want to say any?+4 ,all ! same1 he murmur$ feebly3 ,ev5 9 ! pure/ ( loves we _c escape f ourselves4 ,oh1 %e said ) a ge/ure ( pi\s prote/1 ! vehem5ce ( :i* surpris$ me1 t is n ! same ?+4 ,don't say t1 don't say t6 ,x seem$ to me !re 0 a vague regret 9 h] voice & ! dream ( a new dream 9 h] eyes4 ,%e dispell$ x ) a %ake ( h] head4 ,h[ happy ,i 06 ,i felt rejuv5at$1 l a new be+4 ,i _h a s5se ( mode/y aga94 ,i rememb] t ,i did n d>e to %[ ! tip ( my foot f "u my dress4 ,i ev5 _h a feel+ ab\t my face1 my h&s1 my v "n4 4 4 4 4 4 ,!n ! man cont9u$ ! confession f ! po9t :]e %e _h left (f1 & spoke ( _! fir/ meet+s4 ,he wi%$ to c>ess h] ) words1 to w9 h] ov] gradually ) phrases & ) ! *>m ( memories4 ,! fir/ "t we 7 alone-- ,%e look$ at him4 ,x 0 9 ! /reet1 "o ev5+1 he said4 ,i took y\r arm4 ,y lean$ m & m ^u my %\ld]4 ,p sw>m$ ar\nd u1 b we seem$ to be q alone4 ,ev]y?+ ar\nd u *ang$ into absolute solitude4 ,x seem$ to me t we 7 bo? walk+ on ! waves ( ! sea4 ,ah6 %e said4 ,h[ good y 76 ,t fir/ ev5+ y\r face 0 l :at x nev] 0 aft]w>ds1 ev5 9 our happie/ mom5ts4 ,we spoke ( "o ?+ & ano!r1 & :ile ,i held y close to me1 clasp$ l a bun* ( fl[]s1 y told me ab\t p we knew1 y spoke ( ! sunlight t day & ! coolness ( ! ev5+4 ,b really y 7 tell+ me t y 7 m9e4 ,i felt y\r confession runn+ ?r\gh ev]y?+ y said1 & ev5 if y did n express x1 y actually gave me a confession ( love4 ,ah1 h[ great ?+s are 9 ! beg9n+6 ,!re is nev] any pett9ess 9 ! beg9n+4 ,once :5 we met 9 ! public g>d51 ,i took y back at ! end ( ! aft]noon ?r\gh ! suburbs4 ,! road 0 s peaceful & quiet t our foot/eps seem$ to di/urb nature4 ,b5umb$ by emotion1 we slack5$ our pace4 ,i lean$ ov] & kiss$ y4 ,!re1 %e said4 ,%e put h] f+] on 8 neck4 ,gradually ! kiss grew w>m]4 ,x crept t[>d y\r lips & /opp$ !re4 ,! fir/ "t x w5t a/ray1 ! second "t x pret5d$ x w5t a/ray4 ,soon ,i felt aga9/ my m\?--he l[]$ 8 voice--y\r m\?4 ,%e b[$ h] head1 & ,i saw h] rosy m\?4 ,x 0 all s beautiful 9 ! mid/ ( ! wat*fulness imprison+ me1 %e sigh$1 ev] return+ to h] mild1 pa!tic preoccupation4 ,h[ %e ne$$ ! /imulus ( rememb]+ h] emotions1 :e!r consci\sly or n6 ,! recall+ ( ^! little dramas & =m] p]ils w>m$ h] movem5ts1 r5ew$ h] love4 ,t 0 ! reason :y %e _h _h ! :ole /ory told h]4 ,& he enc\rag$ h]4 ,_! fir/ en?usiasm return$1 & n[ !y tri$ to evoke ! mo/ excit+ memories4 ,x 0 sad1 ! day aft] y became m9e1 to see y aga9 at a reception 9 y\r own home--inaccessible1 surr\nd$ by o!r p1 mi/ress ( a regul> h\sehold1 fri5dly to ev]ybody1 a bit timid1 talk+ commonplaces4 ,y be/[$ ! beauty ( y\r face on ev]ybody1 myself includ$4 ,b :at 0 ! use8 ,y 7 we>+ t cool-look+ gre5 dress1 & !y 7 teas+ y ab\t x4 ,i did n d>e to look at y :5 y pass$ me1 & ,i ?\ght ( h[ happy we _h be5 ! day be=e4 ,ah1 %e sigh$1 z ! beauty wid5$ be=e h] ( all h] memories1 h] ?\ghts1 ( all h] s\l1 love is n :at !y say x is4 ,i1 too1 0 /irr$ ) angui%4 ,h[ ,i _h to conceal x1 dissimulat+ e sign ( my happ9ess1 lock+ x ha/ily away )9 ! c(f] ( my he>t4 ,at fir/ ,i 0 afraid to g to sleep = fe> ( say+ y\r "n 9 a dream1 & (t51 fight+ aga9/ ! /eal?y invasion ( sleep1 ,i h lean$ on my elb[1 & rema9$ ) wide-op5 eyes1 wat*+ h]oically ov] my he>t4 ,i 0 afraid ( be+ recognis$4 ,i 0 afraid p w\ld see ! purity 9 :i* ,i 0 ba!d4 ,yes1 purity4 ,:5 9 ! mid/ ( life "o wakes up f life1 & sees a diff]5t brilliance 9 ! daylight1 & recreates ev]y?+1 ,i call t purity4 4 4 4 4 4 ,d y rememb] ! day we lo/ our way 9 ! cab 9 ,p>is--! day he ?\ght he recognis$ u f a di/ance1 & jump$ into ano!r cab to foll[ u8 ,%e gave a />t ( ec/asy4 ,oh1 yes1 %e murmur$1 t 0 ! great day6 ,8 voice quiv]$ z if %ak5 by ! ?robb+ ( 8 he>t1 & 8 he>t said3 ,kneel+ on ! seat1 y look$ out ( ! little w9d[ 9 ! back ( ! cab & cri$ to me1 ',he is ne>]6 ,he is fur!r (f6 ,he w cat* u4 ,i d n see him any m4 ,he has lo/ u4' ,ah6 ,& ) "o & ! same movem5t _! lips jo9$4 ,%e brea!d out l a sigh3 ,t 0 ! "o "t ,i enjoy$4 ,we %all always be afraid1 he said4 ,^! words int]lac$ & *ang$ into kisses4 ,_! :ole life surg$ into _! lips4 ,yes1 !y _h to revive _! pa/ s z to love ea* o!r1 !y _h con/antly to be reassembl+ ! pieces s z to keep _! love f dy+ ?r\gh /al5ess1 z if !y 7 und]go+1 9 d>kness & 9 du/1 9 an icy ebb+ away1 ! ru9 ( old age1 ! impress ( dea?4 ,!y clasp$ ea* o!r4 ,!y 7 dr[n$ 9 ! d>kness4 ,!y fell d[n1 d[n into ! %ad[s1 into ! abyss t !y _h will$4 ,he /amm]$3 ,i w love y always4 ,b %e & ,i bo? felt t he 0 ly+ aga94 ,we did n deceive ourselves4 ,b :at matt]1 :at matt]8 ,h] lips on 8 lips1 %e murmur$ l a ?orny c>ess among ! c>esses3 ,my husb& w soon be home4 ,h[ little !y really 7 at "o6 ,h[1 actually1 !re 0 no?+ b _! fe> t !y _h 9 common1 & h[ !y /irr$ _! fe> up desp]ately4 ,b _! trem5d\s ef=t to commune someh[ 0 soon to be ov]4 ,!y /opp$ talk+4 ,words _h already accompli%$ ! "w ( reviv+ _! love4 ,%e m]ely murmur$3 ,i am y\rs1 ,i am y\rs4 ,i give myself to y4 ,no1 ,i d n give myself to y4 ,h[ c ,i give myself :5 ,i d n belong to myself8 ,are y happy8 %e ask$ aga94 ,i swe> y are ev]y?+ 9 ! _w to me4 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 ,n[1 %e felt1 _! bliss _h already become a m]e memory1 & %e said almo/ pla9tively3 ,may ,god bless ! bit ( pleasure "o has4 ,a doleful lam5t1 ! fir/ signal ( a trem5d\s fall1 a pray] blasphem\s yet div9e4 ,i saw him look at ! clock & at ! door4 ,he 0 ?9k+ ( leav+4 ,he turn$ 8 face g5tly away f a kiss %e 0 ab\t to give him4 ,!re 0 a sugge/ion ( uneas9ess1 almo/ disgu/1 9 8 expression4 ,no1 %e said1 y are n go+ to love me always4 ,y are go+ to leave me4 ,b ,i regret no?+4 ,i nev] w regret any?+4 ,aft]w>ds1 :5 ,i return f--_/?is_/--= good1 to ! great sorr[ t w nev] leave me aga91 ,i %all say1 ',i h _h a lov]1' & ,i %all come out f my no?+ness to be happy = a mom5t4 ,he did n want to answ]4 ,he c\ld n answ] any m4 ,he /amm]$3 ,:y d y d\bt me8 ,b !y turn$ _! eyes t[>d ! w9d[4 ,!y 7 afraid1 !y 7 cold4 ,!y look$ d[n at ! space betwe5 ! two h\ses & saw a vague remnant ( twilight slip away l a %ip ( glory4 ,x seem$ to me t ! w9d[ beside !m ent]$ ! sc5e4 ,!y gaz$ at x1 dim1 imm5se1 blott+ out ev]y?+ ar\nd x4 ,aft] ! brief int]val ( s9ful passion1 !y 7 ov]:elm$ z if1 look+ at ! /a9less azure ( ! w9d[1 !y _h se5 a vision4 ,!n _! eyes met4 ,see1 we /ay "h1 %e said1 look+ at ea* o!r l two mis]able curs4 ,!y sep>at$4 ,he seat$ himself on a *air1 a sorry figure 9 ! dusk4 ,8 m\? 0 op51 8 face 0 contract$4 ,8 eyes & 8 jaw 7 self-condemnatory4 ,y expect$ t 9 a few mom5ts he w\ld become emaciat$1 & y w\ld see ! et]nal skeleton4 ,& at la/ bo? 7 alike 9 _! sett+1 made s z mu* by _! mis]y z by _! human =m4 ,! night swall[$ !m up4 ,i no long] saw !m4 4 4 4 4 4 ,!n1 :]e is ,god1 :]e is ,god8 ,:y does ,he n int]v5e 9 ?is frightful1 regul> crisis8 ,:y does ,he n prev5t1 by a miracle1 t fe>ful miracle by :i* "o :o is ador$ sudd5ly or gradually comes to be hat$8 ,:y does he n pres]ve man f hav+ to m\rn ! loss ( all 8 dreams8 ,:y does he n pres]ve him f ! di/ress ( t s5su\sness :i* fl[]s 9 8 fle% & falls back on him aga9 l spittle8 ,p]haps because ,i am a man l ! man 9 ! room1 l all o!r m51 p]haps because :at is be/ial engrosses my att5tion n[1 ,i am utt]ly t]rifi$ by ! inv9cible recoil ( ! fle%4 ,x is ev]y?+ 9 ! _w1 he _h said4 ,x is no?+1 he _h also said1 b lat]4 ,! e*o ( ^? two cries l+]$ 9 my e>s4 ,^? two cries1 n %\t$ b utt]$ 9 a l[ sc>cely audible voice1 :o %all decl>e _! gr&eur & ! di/ance betwe5 !m8 ,:o %all say8 ,above all1 :o %all "k8 ,! man :o c reply mu/ be plac$1 z ,i am1 above humanity1 he mu/ be bo? among & ap>t f human be+s to see ! smile turn into agony1 ! joy become satiety1 & ! union dissolve4 ,= :5 y take full "p 9 life y d n see ?is1 y "k no?+ ab\t x4 ,y pass bl9dly f "o extreme to ! o!r4 ,! man :o utt]$ ! two cries t ,i /ill he>1 ,ev]y?+6 & ,no?+6 _h =gott5 ! fir/ :5 he 0 c>ri$ away by ! second4 ,:o %all say8 ,i wi% "s "o w\ld tell4 ,:at d words matt] or conv5tions8 ,( :at use is ! "t-hon\r$ cu/om ( writ]s ( g5ius or m]e tal5t to /op at ! ?re%old ( ^! descriptions1 z if full descriptions 7 =bidd58 ,! ?+ ought to be sung 9 a poem1 9 a ma/]piece4 ,x ought to be told d[n to ! v bottom1 if ! purpose be to %[ ! creative =ce ( our hopes1 ( our wi%es1 :i*1 :5 !y bur/ into light1 trans=m ! _w1 ov]?r[ reality4 ,:at ri*] alms c\ld y be/[ on ^! two lov]s1 :5 aga9 love w die betwe5 !m8 ,= ?is sc5e is n ! la/ 9 _! d\ble /ory4 ,!y w beg9 aga91 l e human be+4 ,once m !y w try toge!r1 z mu* z !y c1 to seek %elt] f life's defeats1 to f9d ec/asy1 to conqu] dea?4 ,once m !y w seek solace & deliv]ance4 ,aga9 !y w be seiz$ by a ?rill1 by ! =ce ( s91 :i* cl+s to ! fle% l a %r$ ( fle%4 ,yet once aga91 :5 once aga9 !y see t !y put inf9ity into desire all 9 va91 !y w be puni%$ = ! gr&eur ( _! aspiration4 ,i d n regret hav+ surpris$ ?is simple1 t]rible secret4 ,p]haps my hav+ tak5 9 & reta9$ ?is sight 9 all its bread?1 my hav+ le>n$ t ! liv+ tru? is sadd] & m sublime ?an ,i _h ev] believ$1 w be my sole glory4 ,,*apt] ,,vi ,all 0 sil5t4 ,!y 7 gone4 ,!y _h hidd5 else:]e4 ,! husb& 0 com+4 ,i ga!r$ t f :at !y _h said4 ,b did ,i really "k :at !y _h said8 ,i pac$ up & d[n 9 my room1 !n d9$1 z 9 a dream1 & w5t out1 lur$ by humanity4 ,a cafe6 ,! bright light+ beckon$ to me to ent]4 ,calm1 simple1 c>e-free p1 :o h no task l m9e to accompli%4 ,sitt+ by h]self at a table1 con/antly look+ ar\nd1 0 a girl ) a pa9t$ face4 ,a full glass 0 set 9 front ( h] & %e held a little dog on h] lap4 ,8 head rea*$ ov] ! edge ( ! m>ble table1 & he comically su$ on behalf ( 8 mi/ress = ! glances1 ev5 ! smiles ( ! pass]sby4 ,! woman look$ at me ) int]e/4 ,%e saw ,i 0 n wait+ = anybody or any?+4 ,a sign1 a ^w1 & %e1 :o 0 wait+ = ev]ybody1 w\ld come ov] to me ) a smile4 ,b no6 ,i 0 simpl] ?an t4 ,if love tr\bl$ me1 x 0 because ( a great ?\ght & n a m]e in/9ct4 ,x 0 my mis=tune to h a dream great] & /rong] ?an ,i c\ld be>4 ,woe to ^? :o dream ( :at !y d n possess6 ,!y are "r1 b !y are too "r1 & s are outside ( nature4 ,! simple1 ! weak1 ! humble pass c>elessly by :at is n meant = !m4 ,!y t\* ev]y?+ lightly1 )\t angui%4 ,b ! o!rs6 ,b ,i6 ,i want$ to take :at 0 n m9e4 ,i want$ to /eal4 ,i want$ to live all lives1 to dwell 9 all he>ts4 ,ah6 ,i saw n[ h[ ,i %\ld be puni%$ = hav+ ent]$ into ! liv+ secrets ( man4 ,my puni%m5t w\ld fit my crime4 ,i 0 de/9$ to und]go ! inf9ite mis]y ,i read 9 ! o!rs4 ,i 0 to be puni%$ by e my/]y t kept its secret1 by e woman :o w5t by4 ,inf9ity is n :at we ?9k4 ,we associate x ) h]oes ( leg5d & romance1 & we inve/ fi]y1 exceptional *>act]s1 l a ,hamlet1 ) inf9ity z ) a !atrical co/ume4 ,b inf9ity resides quietly 9 t man :o is j pass+ by on ! /reet4 ,x resides 9 me1 j z ,i am1 ) my ord9>y face & "n1 9 me1 :o want ev]y?+ ,i h n4 ,& !re is no reason :y !re %\ld be any limits to :at ,i want4 ,s1 /ep by /ep1 ,i foll[$ ! track ( ! inf9ite4 ,x made me suff]4 ,ah1 if ,i did wrong1 t great mis]y ( m9e1 ! trag$y ( /riv+ = ! impossible1 r$eem$ me4 ,b ,i d n believe 9 r$emption4 ,i 0 suff]+1 & d\btless ,i look$ l a m>tyr4 ,i _h to g home to fulfil my m>tyrdom 9 ! :ole ( its wret*$ duration4 ,i _h to g on look+4 ,i 0 los+ "t 9 ! _w outside4 ,i return$ to my room1 :i* welcom$ me l a liv+ be+4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i pass$ two idle days1 wat*+ fruitlessly4 ,i took to my ha/y pac+ to & fro aga9 & succe$$1 n )\t difficulty1 9 ga9+ a few days ( respite1 9 mak+ myself =get = a :ile4 ,i dwelt )9 ^! walls quiet 9 a fev]i% sort ( way & inactive z a prison]4 ,i walk$ up & d[n my room a great "p ( ! day1 attract$ by ! op5+ 9 ! wall & n d>+ to g away to a di/ance f x aga94 ,! long h\rs w5t by1 & 9 ! ev5+ ,i 0 worn out by my indefatigable hope4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! room 0 9 disord]4 ,amy 0 !re ) h] husb&4 ,!y _h come back f a j\rney4 ,i _h n he>d !m ent]4 ,i mu/ h be5 too tir$4 ,he _h 8 hat on & 0 sitt+ on a *air beside ! b$4 ,%e 0 dress+4 ,i saw h] disappe> beh9d ! wa%room door4 ,i look$ at ! husb&4 ,8 features 7 regul> & ev5 seem$ to %[ a c]ta9 nobility4 ,! l9e ( 8 =ehead 0 cle> cut4 ,only 8 m\? & m\/a*e 7 some:at co>se4 ,he _h a heal?i]1 /rong] appe>ance ?an h] lov]4 ,8 h&1 :i* 0 toy+ ) a cane1 0 f9e1 & !re 0 a =ceful elegance ab\t 8 :ole p]sonality4 ,t 0 ! man %e hat$ & 0 deceiv+4 ,x 0 t head1 t face1 t expression :i* _h l[]$ & disfigur$ !mselves 9 h] eyes1 & 7 synonym\s ) h] unhapp9ess4 ,all at once %e 0 !re 9 full view4 ,my he>t /ood /ill & contract$ & drew me t[>d h]4 ,%e _h no?+ on b a %ort1 ?9 *emise4 ,%e _h come back a bit tir$ out by ! ?\s&s ( little no?+s %e _h already done4 ,%e _h a too?bru% 9 h] h&1 h] lips 7 moi/ & r$1 h] hair di%evell$4 ,h] legs 7 da9ty1 & ! ar* ( h] little feet 0 acc5tuat$ by h] high- heel$ %oes4 ,! air 9 ! clos$ room 0 heavy ) a mixture ( od\rs--soap1 face p[d]1 ! pung5t sc5t ( cologne4 ,%e w5t out & came back aga91 w>m & soapy1 dry+ h] face4 ,?is "t %e 0 all fre% & rosy4 ,he 0 talk+ ab\t some?+1 ) 8 legs /ret*$ out a little1 sometimes look+ at h]1 sometimes n look+ at h]4 ,y "k1 ! ,b]n>ds h n accept$4 ,he glanc$ at h]1 !n look$ d[n at ! c>pet & gave a disappo9t$ cluck ) 8 tongue1 absorb$ 9 ?is matt] t int]e/$ him1 :ile %e kept go+ & com+1 %[+ ! lovely curves ( h] body4 ,%e _/0_/ lovely4 ,b h] husb& w5t on dron+ 8 commonplaces1 phrases t meant no?+ to h]1 t 7 /range to h]1 & t seem$ blasphem\s 9 ! room :i* held h] beauty4 ,%e put h] g>m5ts on1 "o by "o4 ,h] husb& cont9u$ 9 8 be/ial indiff]5ce1 & dropp$ back into 8 reflections4 ,%e w5t to ! mirror ov] ! mantelpiece ) toilet articles spread out be=e h]4 ,probably ! mirror 9 ! wa%room 0 too small4 ,:ile keep+ on ) h] toilet1 %e spoke z if to h]self 9 a gay1 animat$1 *atty way1 because x 0 /ill ! spr+time ( ! day4 ,%e gave h]self c>eful att5tion & took mu* "t to groom h]self4 ,b ?is 0 an important matt]1 & ! "t 0 n lo/4 ,besides1 %e 0 really hurry+4 ,n[ %e w5t to a w>drobe & took out a light dress ( delicate texture1 :i* %e held out 9 h] arms c>efully4 ,%e />t$ to put ! dress on1 !n an idea sudd5ly occurr$ to h] & %e /opp$4 ,no1 no1 no1 decid$ly n1 %e said4 ,%e put ! dress back & look$ = ano!r "o1 a d>k skirt & a bl\se4 ,%e took a hat1 fluff$ ! ribbon a bit1 !n held ! trimm+ ( roses close to h] face 9 front ( ! mirror4 ,!n %e began to s+1 evid5tly satisfi$4 4 4 4 4 4 ,he did n look at h]1 & :5 he did look at h]1 he did n see h]4 ,x 0 a solemn spectacle1 a drama1 b a drama dismal & depress+4 ,t man 0 n happy1 & yet ,i envi$ him 8 happ9ess4 ,h[ expla9 ?is except by ! fact t happ9ess is )9 u1 )9 ea* ( u1 & is ! desire = :at we d n possess8 ,^! two 7 toge!r1 b 9 reality f> ap>t4 ,!y _h left ea* o!r )\t leav+ ea* o!r4 ,a sort ( intrigue ab\t no?+ held !m toge!r4 ,!y w\ld nev] come ne>] aga91 = betwe5 !m lay ! impassable b>ri] ( love ov] & done )4 ,?is sil5ce & ?is mutual ignorance are ! cruele/ ?+s 9 ! _w4 ,to cease to love is worse ?an to hate1 = say :at y w1 dea? is worse ?an suff]+4 ,i am sorry = ! m5 & wom5 :o g ?r\gh life toge!r 9 ! *a9s ( indiff]5ce4 ,i am sorry = ! poor he>t t has :at x has = s %ort a "t4 ,i am sorry = ! m5 :o h ! he>t n to love any m4 ,& = a mom5t1 see+ ?is simple h>r[+ sc5e1 ,i und]w5t a little ( ! enorm\s suff]+ ( ^? innum]able p :o suff] all4 4 4 4 4 4 ,amy f9i%$ dress+4 ,%e put on a coat to mat* h] skirt1 leav+ x p>tly op5 to %[ h] transp>5t fle%-col\r$ l+]ie wai/4 ,!n %e left u--h] husb& & me4 ,he1 too1 made ready to leave1 b ! door op5$ aga94 ,0 x ,amy com+ back8 ,no1 x 0 ! maid1 :o1 see+ ! room 0 occupi$1 />t$ to )draw4 ,excuse me1 sir4 ,i came to put ! room 9 ord]1 b ,i don't want to di/urb y4 ,y may /ay4 ,%e began to pick ?+s up & close draw]s4 ,he rais$ 8 head & look$ at h] out ( ! corn] ( 8 eye4 ,!n he rose & w5t ov] to h] awkw>dly1 z ?\gh fasc9at$4 ,a scuffl+ & an outcry1 /ifl$ by a co>se laugh4 ,%e dropp$ h] bru% & ! g[n %e 0 hold+4 ,he caught h] f beh9d & put 8 arms ar\nd h] wai/4 ,oh1 g on6 ,/op6 ,:at-*e do+8 ,he did n say any?+1 b press$ h] clos] to him4 ,%e laugh$4 ,h] hair came p>tly undone & fell d[n ov] h] bl[sy face4 ,he trod on ,amy's g[n1 :i* _h dropp$ f ! girl's h&4 ,!n %e felt ! ?+ _h gone f> en\gh4 ,n[1 t'll d1 t'll d1 %e said4 ,s9ce he /ill said no?+ & br\ght 8 jaw close to h] neck1 %e got angry4 ,i told y1 t'll d4 ,/op1 ,i say4 ,:at's ! matt] ) y8 ,at l5g? he let h] g1 & left1 laugh+ a devili% laugh ( %ame & cynicism4 ,he w5t out1 8 passion /ill see?+4 ,b x 0 n only ! ov]:elm+ in/9ct t 0 /irr+ 9 him4 ,a mom5t be=e t exquisite woman _h unfold$ h]self 9 8 pres5ce 9 all h] exquisite beauty1 & he _h n desir$ h]4 ,p]haps %e d5i$ h]self to him4 ,p]haps !y _h an agreem5t ) ea* o!r4 ,b ,i pla9ly saw t ev5 8 eyes did n c>e1 ^? same eyes :i* k9dl$ at ! sight ( ! s]vant girl1 t ignoble ,v5us ) untidy hair & dirty f+] nails4 ,because he did n "k h]1 because %e 0 diff]5t f ! "o :om he knew4 ,to h :at "o has n4 ,s1 /range z x may seem1 x 0 an idea1 a l(ty1 et]nal idea t guid$ 8 in/9ct4 ,i und]/ood--,i to :om x 0 giv5 to behold ^! human crises--,i und]/ood t _m ?+s :i* we place outside ourselves are really inside ourselves1 & t ?is 0 ! secret4 ,h[ ! veils drop (f6 ,h[ ! intricacies unravel1 & simplicity appe>s6 4 4 4 4 4 ,"o d>k /ormy night two wom5 came & occupi$ ! ,room4 ,i c\ld n see !m & caught only fragm5ts ( _! /range1 :isp]$ talk ( love4 ,f t "t on ! meals ( ! bo>d+-h\se _h a magic attraction = me4 ,i /udi$ all ! faces1 try+ to id5tify ^? two be+s4 ,b ,i que/ion$ pairs ( faces 9 va94 ,i made ef=ts to detect resemblances4 ,!re 0 no?+ to guide me4 ,i knew !m no m ?an if !y _h be5 buri$ 9 ! d>k night outside4 ,!re 7 five girls or "y wom5 9 ! d9+-room4 ,"o ( !m1 at lea/1 mu/ h be5 an occupant ( ! ,room t night4 ,b a /rong] w ?an m9e %ut (f h] c\nt5ance4 ,i did n "k1 & ,i 0 ov]:elm$ by ! no?+ness ( :at ,i saw4 ,!y left1 "o at a "t4 ,i did n "k4 ,my h&s twit*$ 9 ! inf9ity ( unc]ta9ty1 & my f+]s press$ ! void4 ,my face 0 !re1 my face1 :i* 0 a def9ite ?+1 confront+ ev]y?+ possible1 ev]y?+ indef9ite4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! lady !re6 ,i recognis$ ,amy4 ,%e 0 talk+ to ! l&lady beside ! w9d[4 ,i did n notice h] at fir/1 because ( ! o!r bo>d]s betwe5 u4 ,%e 0 eat+ grapes1 da9tily1 ) a r /udi$ mann]4 ,i turn$ t[>ds h]4 ,h] "n 0 ,madame ,montg]on or ,montg]ot4 ,x s\nd$ funny to me4 ,:y did %e h t "n8 ,x seem$ n to suit h]1 or to be useless4 ,x /ruck me h[ artificial words & signs are4 ,! meal 0 ov]4 ,almo/ ev]ybody _h gone out4 ,c(fee cups & /icky little liqueur glasses 7 scatt]$ on ! table on :i* a sunbeam %one1 mottl+ ! tableclo? & mak+ ! glasses sp>kle4 ,a c(fee /a9 _h dri$ on ! clo? & gave out fragrance4 ,i jo9$ 9 ! conv]sation betwe5 ,amy & ,madame ,lem]ci]4 ,%e look$ at me4 ,i sc>cely recognis$ h] look1 :i* ,i _h se5 s cle>ly be=e4 ,! man-s]vant came 9 & :isp]$ a few words to ,madame ,lem]ci]4 ,%e rose1 excus$ h]self1 & w5t out ( ! room4 ,i 0 left ) ,amy4 ,!re 7 only two or ?ree p 9 ! d9+-room1 :o 7 discuss+ :at !y 7 go+ to d 9 ! aft]noon4 ,i did n "k :at to say to h]4 ,! conv]sation flagg$ & di$ out4 ,%e mu/ h ?\ght t %e did n int]e/ me--?is woman1 ^: he>t ,i _h se51 & ^: de/9y ,i knew z well z ,god ,himself4 ,%e rea*$ = a newspap] ly+ on ! table1 read a l9e or two1 !n fold$ x1 rose & also left ! room4 ,sick5$ by ! commonplac5ess ( life & dull f ! heav9ess ( ! aft]-lun* h\r1 ,i lean$ dr[sily on ! long1 long table1 ! sunlit table disappe>+ into inf9ity1 & ,i made an ef=t to keep my arms f giv+ way1 my *9 f dropp+1 & my eyes f clos+4 ,& 9 t disord]ly room1 :]e ! s]vants 7 already ha/5+ quietly to cle> ! table & make ready = ! ev5+ meal1 ,i l+]$ almo/ alone1 n kn[+ :e!r ,i 0 happy or unhappy1 n kn[+ :at 0 real & :at 0 sup]natural4 ,!n ,i und]/ood4 ,x came ^u me s(tly1 heavily4 ,i look$ ar\nd at all ^? simple1 peaceful ?+s4 ,!n ,i clos$ my eyes1 & said to myself1 l a se] :o gradually becomes consci\s ( ! nature ( ! revelation he has se51 ,! inf9ite--:y1 ?is is ! inf9ite4 ,x is true4 ,i c no long] d\bt4 ,x came ^u me ) =ce t !re is no?+ /range on e>?1 t ! sup]natural does n exi/1 or1 r1 t x is ev]y:]e4 ,x is 9 reality1 9 simplicity1 9 peace4 ,x is "h1 inside ^! walls4 ,! real & ! sup]natural are "o & ! same4 ,!re c no m be my/]y 9 life ?an !re c be a f\r? dim5sion4 ,i1 l o!r m51 am m\ld$ out ( inf9ity4 ,b h[ confus$ x all 0 to me6 ,& ,i dream$ ( myself1 :o c\ld nei!r "k myself well nor rid me ( myself--myself :o 0 l a deep %ad[ betwe5 my he>t & ! sun4 ,,*apt] ,,vii ,! same backgr\nd1 ! same half-light t>ni%+ !m z :5 ,i fir/ saw !m toge!r4 ,amy & h] lov] 7 seat$ beside ea* o!r1 n f> f me4 ,!y seem$ to h be5 talk+ = "s "t already4 ,%e 0 sitt+ beh9d him1 on ! s(a1 conceal$ by ! %ad[ ( ! ev5+ & ! %ad[ ( ! man4 ,he 0 b5d+ ov]1 pale & vaguely outl9$1 ) 8 h&s on 8 knees4 ,! night 0 /ill cloak$ 9 ! grey silk5 s(tness ( ev5+4 ,soon x w\ld ca/ (f ?is mantle & appe> 9 all its b>e d>kness4 ,x 0 com+ on !m l an incurable illness4 ,!y seem$ to h a pres5tim5t ( x & s\ght refuge f ! fatal %ad[s 9 talk+ & ?9k+ ( o!r ?+s4 ,!y talk$ apa!tically ab\t ?is & t4 ,i he>d ! names ( places & p4 ,!y m5tion$ a railway /ation1 a public walk1 a flori/4 ,all at once %e /opp$ & hid h] face 9 h] h&s4 ,he took h] wri/s1 ) a sad sl[ness t %[$ h[ mu* he 0 us$ to ^! spells1 & spoke to h] )\t kn[+ :at to say1 /amm]+ & draw+ z close z he c\ld to h]4 ,:y are y cry+8 ,tell me :y y are cry+4 ,%e did n answ]4 ,!n %e took h] h&s away f h] eyes & look$ at him4 ,:y8 ,d ,i "k8 ,te>s are n words4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i wat*$ h] cry--dr[n h]self 9 a flood ( te>s4 ,x is a great ?+ to be 9 ! pres5ce ( a rational be+ :o cries4 ,a weak1 brok5 creature %$d+ te>s makes ! same impression z an all- p[]ful god to :om "o prays4 ,9 h] weakness & defeat ,amy 0 above human p[]4 ,a k9d ( sup]/iti\s admiration seiz$ me be=e ?is woman's face ba!d f an inexhau/ible s\rce1 ?is face s9c]e & tru?ful4 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e /opp$ cry+ & lift$ h] head4 ,)\t 8 que/ion+ h] aga9 %e said3 ,i am cry+ because "o is alone4 ,"o _c get away f "o's self4 ,"o _c ev5 confess any?+4 ,"o is alone4 ,& !n ev]y?+ passes1 ev]y?+ *anges1 ev]y?+ takes flight1 & z soon z ev]y?+ takes flight "o is alone4 ,!re are times :5 ,i see ?is bett] ?an at o!r times4 ,& !n ,i _c help cry+4 ,%e 0 gett+ sadd] & sadd]1 b !n %e _h a little access ( pride1 & ,i saw a smile g5tly /ir h] veil ( melan*oly4 ,i am m s5sitive ?an o!r p4 ,?+s t o!r p w\ld n notice awak5 a di/9ct e*o 9 me1 & 9 su* mom5ts ( lucidity1 :5 ,i look at myself1 ,i see t ,i am alone1 all alone1 all alone4 ,di/urb$ to see h] gr[+ di/ress1 he tri$ to raise h] spirits4 ,we _c say t1 we :o h re%ap$ our de/9y4 ,y1 :o h a*iev$ a great act ( w-- ,b :at he said 0 borne away l *aff4 ,:at good 0 x8 ,ev]y?+ is useless4 ,9 spite ( :at ,i h tri$ to d1 ,i am alone4 ,my s9 _c *ange ! face ( ?+s4 ,x is n by s9 t we atta9 happ9ess1 nor is x by virtue1 nor is x by t k9d ( div9e fire by :i* "o makes great in/9ctive decisions & :i* is nei!r good nor evil4 ,x is by none ( ^! ?+s t "o rea*es happ9ess4 ,"o _/nev]_/ rea*es happ9ess4 ,%e paus$1 & said1 z if %e felt h] fate recoil+ ^u h]3 ,yes1 ,i "k ,i h done wrong1 t ^? :o love me mo/ w\ld dete/ me if !y knew4 ,my "m1 if %e knew--%e :o is s indulg5t--w\ld be s unhappy4 ,i "k t our love exi/s ) ! reprobation ( all t is wise & j & is condemn$ by my "m's te>s4 ,b :at's ! use ( be+ a%am$ any m8 ,"m1 if y knew1 y w\ld h pity on my happ9ess4 ,y are naughty1 he murmur$ feebly4 ,%e /rok$ ! man's =ehead lightly1 & said 9 a tone ( extraord9>y assurance3 ,y "k ,i don't des]ve to be call$ naughty4 ,y "k :at ,i am say+ is above a p]sonal application4 ,y "k bett] ?an ,i d t "o is alone4 ,"o day :5 ,i 0 speak+ ab\t ! joy ( liv+ & y 7 z sad z ,i am to-day1 y look$ at me1 & said y did n "k :at ,i 0 ?9k+1 9 spite ( my explanations4 ,y %[$ me t love is only a k9d ( fe/ival ( solitude1 & hold+ me 9 y\r arms1 y end$ by exclaim+1 ',our love--,i am our love1' & ,i gave ! inevitable answ]1 alas1 ',our love--,i am our love4' ,he want$ to speak1 b %e *eck$ him4 ,/op6 ,take me1 squeeze my h&s1 hold me close1 give me a long1 long kiss1 d ) me :at y want--j to br+ y\rself close to me1 close to me6 ,& tell me t y are suff]+4 ,:y1 don't y feel _/my_/ grief8 ,he said no?+1 & 9 ! twilight %r\d t wrapp$ !m r\nd1 ,i saw 8 head make ! ne$less ge/ure ( d5ial4 ,i saw all ! mis]y emanat+ f ^! two1 :o = once by *ance 9 ! %ad[s did n "k h[ to lie any m4 ,x 0 true t !y 7 !re toge!r1 & yet !re 0 no?+ to unite !m4 ,!re 0 a void betwe5 !m4 ,say :at y w1 d :at y w1 revolt1 break into a passion1 dispute1 ?reat5--9 va94 ,isolation w conqu] y4 ,i saw !re 0 no?+ to unite !m1 no?+4 ,%e kept on 9 ! same /ra94 ,he seem$ to be us$ to ^! sad monologues1 utt]$ 9 ! same tone1 trem5d\s invocations to ! impossible4 ,he did n answ] any m4 ,he held h] 9 8 arms1 rock$ h] quietly1 & c>ess$ h] ) delicate t5d]ness4 ,he treat$ h] z if %e 7 a sick *ild he 0 nurs+1 )\t tell+ h] :at 0 ! matt]4 ,b he 0 di/urb$ by h] contact4 ,ev5 :5 pro/rate & desolate1 %e quiv]$ w>m 9 8 arms4 ,he covet$ ?is prey ev5 ?\gh w\nd$4 ,i saw 8 eyes fix$ on h]1 :ile %e gave h]self up freely to h] sadness4 ,he press$ 8 body aga9/ h]s4 ,x 0 %e :om he want$4 ,h] words he ?rew aside4 ,he did n c>e = !m4 ,!y did n c>ess him4 ,x 0 %e :om he want$1 %e6 ,sep>ation6 ,!y 7 v mu* alike 9 ideas & temp]am5t1 & j !n !y 7 help+ ea* o!r z mu* z !y c\ld4 ,b ,i saw cle>ly--,i :o 0 a spectator ap>t f m5 & ^: gaze so>$ above !m--t !y 7 /rang]s1 & t 9 spite ( all appe>ances !y did n see nor he> ea* o!r any m4 ,!y conv]s$ z be/ !y c\ld1 b nei!r c\ld yield to ! o!r1 & ea* tri$ to conqu] ! o!r4 ,& ?is t]rible battle broke my he>t4 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e und]/ood 8 desire4 ,%e said pla9tively1 l a *ild at fault3 ,i am n feel+ well4 ,!n1 9 a sudd5 *ange ( mood1 %e gave h]self up to love1 (f]+ h] :ole self ) h] w\nd$ woman's he>t4 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 ,!y rose & %ook (f ! dream t _h ca/ !m to ! gr\nd4 ,he 0 z deject$ z %e4 ,i b5t ov] to cat* :at he 0 say+4 ,if ,i _h only kn[n6 he brea!d 9 a :isp]4 ,pro/rat$ b m di/ru/ful ( ea* o!r ) a crime betwe5 !m1 !y w5t sl[ly ov] to ! grey w9d[1 cleans$ by a /reak ( twilight4 ,h[ mu* !y 7 l !mselves on ! o!r ev5+4 ,x _/0_/ ! o!r ev5+4 ,nev] _h ! impression be5 borne 9 ^u me s /rongly t actions are va9 & pass l phantoms4 ,! man 0 seiz$ ) a trembl+4 ,&1 vanqui%$1 despoil$ ( all 8 pride1 ( all 8 mascul9e res]ve1 he no long] _h ! /r5g? to keep back ! av[al ( %am$ regret4 ,"o c't ma/] "o's self1 he /amm]$1 hang+ 8 head4 ,x is fate4 ,!y caught hold ( ea* o!r's h&s1 %udd]$ slightly1 pant+1 dispirit$1 torm5t$ by _! he>ts4 4 4 4 4 4 ,fate6 ,9 s speak+ !y saw fur!r ?an ! fle%4 ,9 _! remorse & disgu/ x 0 n m]e physical disillusionm5t t s cru%$ !m4 ,!y saw fur!r4 ,!y 7 ov]come by an impression ( bleak tru?1 ( aridity1 ( gr[+ no?+ness1 at ! ?\ght t !y _h s _m times grasp$1 reject$1 & va9ly grasp$ aga9 _! frail c>nal ideal4 ,!y felt t ev]y?+ 0 fleet+1 t ev]y?+ wore out1 t ev]y?+ t 0 n dead w\ld die1 & t ev5 ! illusory ties hold+ !m toge!r w\ld n endure4 ,_! sadness did n br+ !m toge!r4 ,on ! contr>y1 !y 7 sep>at$ by all ! =ce ( _! two sorr[s4 ,to suff] toge!r1 alas1 :at disunion6 ,& ! condemnation ( love itself came f h]1 9 a cry ( agony3 ,oh1 our great1 our imm5se love6 ,i feel t little by little ,i am recov]+ f x6 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e ?rew back h] head1 & rais$ h] eyes4 ,oh1 ! fir/ "t6 %e said4 ,%e w5t on1 :ile bo? ( !m saw t fir/ "t :5 _! h&s _h f\nd ea* o!r4 ,i knew t "s day all t emotion w\ld die1 &1 9 spite ( our promises1 ,i want$ "t to /& /ill4 ,b "t did n /& /ill1 & n[ we sc>cely love ea* o!r4 ,he made a ge/ure z ( d5ial4 ,x is n only y1 my de>1 :o are drift+ away1 %e cont9u$4 ,i am1 too4 ,at fir/ ,i ?\ght x 0 only y4 ,b !n ,i und]/ood my poor he>t & realis$ t 9 spite ( y1 ,i c\ld d no?+ aga9/ "t4 ,%e w5t on sl[ly1 n[ ) h] eyes turn$ away1 n[ look+ at him4 ,alas1 "s day1 ,i may say to y1 ',i no long] love y4' ,alas1 alas1 "s day ,i may say to y1 ',i h nev] lov$ y6' ,?is is ! w\nd--"t1 :i* passes & *anges u4 ,! sep>ation ( human be+s t deceive !mselves is no?+ 9 comp>ison4 ,"o c live ev5 s4 ,b ! passage ( "t6 ,to gr[ old1 to ?9k diff]5tly1 to die4 ,i am gr[+ old & ,i am dy+1 ,i4 ,x has tak5 me a long "t to und]/& x4 ,i am gr[+ old4 ,i _/am_/ n old1 b ,i am gr[+ old4 ,i h a few grey hairs already4 ,! fir/ grey hair1 :at a bl[6 ,oh1 ?is blott+ out ( ! col\r ( y\r hair4 ,x gives y ! feel+ ( be+ cov]$ ) y\r %r\d1 ( dry bones1 & tomb/ones4 ,%e rose & cri$ out into ! void3 ,oh1 to escape ! network ( wr9kles6 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e cont9u$3 ,i said to myself1 ',by sl[ degrees y w get !re4 ,y\r sk9 w )]4 ,y\r eyes1 :i* smile ev5 9 repose1 w always be wat]+4 ,y\r brea/s w %r9k & hang on y\r skeleton l loose rags4 ,y\r l[] jaw w sag f ! tir$ness ( liv+4 ,y w be 9 a con/ant %iv] ( cold1 & y\r appe>ance w be cadav]\s4 ,y\r voice w be crack$1 & p :o n[ f9d x *>m+ to li/5 to y w be repell$4 ,! dress t hides y too mu* n[ f m5's eyes w n suffici5tly hide y\r mon/r\s nudity1 & p w turn _! eyes away & n ev5 d>e to ?9k ( y4' ,%e *ok$ & put h] h&s to h] m\?1 ov]come by ! tru?1 z if %e _h too mu* to say4 ,x 0 magnific5t & t]rify+4 ,he caught h] 9 8 arms1 9 dismay4 ,b %e 0 z 9 a delirium1 transport$ by a univ]sal grief4 ,y w\ld h ?\ght t ?is fun]eal tru? _h j come to h] l a sudd5 piece ( bad news4 ,i love y1 b ,i love ! pa/ ev5 m4 ,i long = x1 ,i long = x1 ,i am consum$ ) long+ = x4 ,! pa/6 ,i %all cry1 ,i %all suff] because ! pa/ w nev] come back aga94 ,b love ! pa/ z mu* z y w1 x w nev] come back4 ,dea? is ev]y:]e1 9 ! ugl9ess ( :at has be5 too long beautiful1 9 ! t>ni%+ ( :at has be5 clean & pure1 9 ! =getfulness ( :at is long pa/1 9 daily habits1 :i* are ! =getfulness ( :at is ne>4 ,we cat* only glimpses ( life4 ,dea? is ! "o ?+ we really h "t to see4 ,dea? is ! only palpable ?+4 ,( :at use is x to be beautiful & *a/e8 ,!y w walk ov] our graves j ! same4 ,a day is com+ :5 ,i %all be no m4 ,i am cry+ because ,i %all surely die4 ,!re is an inv9cible no?+ness 9 ev]y?+ & ev]ybody4 ,s :5 "o ?9ks ( t1 de>1 "o smiles & =gives4 ,"o does n be> grudges4 ,b goodness won 9 t way is worse ?an any?+ else4 4 4 4 4 4 ,he b5t ov] & kiss$ h] h&s4 ,he envelop$ h] 9 a w>m1 respectful sil5ce1 b1 z always1 ,i felt he 0 ma/] ( himself4 ,i h always ?\ght ( dea?1 %e cont9u$ 9 a *ang$ voice4 ,"o day ,i confess$ to my husb& h[ x haunt$ me4 ,he laun*$ out furi\sly4 ,he told me ,i 0 a neura/h5ic & t he mu/ look aft] me4 ,he made me promise to be l himself & nev] ?9k ( su* ?+s1 to be heal?y & well-balanc$1 z he 04 ,t 0 n true4 ,x 0 he :o suff]$ f ! disease ( tranquillity & indiff]5ce1 a p>alysis1 a grey malady1 & 8 bl9dness 0 an infirmity1 & 8 peace 0 t ( a dog :o lives = ! sake ( liv+1 ( a bea/ ) a human face4 ,:at 0 ,i to d8 ,pray8 ,no4 ,t et]nal dialogue 9 :i* y are always alone is cru%+4 ,?r[ y\rself into "s occupation8 ,"w8 ,no use4 ,doesn't "w always h to be done ov] aga98 ,h *ildr5 & br+ !m up8 ,t makes y feel bo? t y are done & f9i%$ & t y are beg9n+ ov] aga9 to no purpose4 ,h[ev]1 :o kn[s8 ,x 0 ! fir/ "t t %e s(t5$4 ,i h n be5 giv5 ! *ance to practise ! devotion1 ! submission1 ! humiliation ( a "m4 ,p]haps t w\ld h guid$ me 9 life4 ,i 0 d5i$ a little *ild4 ,= a mom5t1 l[]+ h] eyes1 lett+ h] h&s fall1 yield+ to ! mat]nal impulse1 %e only ?\ght ( lov+ & regrett+ ! *ild t _h n be5 v\*saf$ to h]--)\t p]ceiv+ t if %e consid]$ x h] only possible salvation1 x 0 because %e did n h x4 ,*>ity8 ,!y say t x makes u =get ev]y?+4 ,oh1 yes1 to g di/ribut+ alms on ! sn[y /reets1 9 a great fur cloak1 %e murmur$ & made a tir$ ge/ure1 :ile ! lov] & ,i felt ! %iv] ( ! cold ra9y ev5+ & ( all ! w9t]s pa/ & yet to come4 ,all t is div]sion1 deception4 ,x does n alt] ! tru? a p>ticle4 ,we %all die1 we are go+ to die4 ,%e /opp$ cry+1 dri$ h] eyes & assum$ a tone s positive & calm t x gave ! impression t %e 0 leav+ ! subject4 ,i want to ask y a "q4 ,answ] me frankly4 ,h y ev] d>$1 de>1 ev5 9 ! dep?s ( y\r he>t1 to set a date1 a date relatively f> (f1 b exact & absolute1 ) f\r figures1 & to say1 ',no matt] h[ old ,i %all live to be1 on t day ,i %all be dead--:ile ev]y?+ else w g on1 & little by little my empty place w be de/roy$ or fill$ aga98' ,! directness ( h] "q di/urb$ him4 ,b x seem$ to me t he tri$ mo/ to avoid giv+ h] a reply t w\ld height5 h] obsession4 ,& all at once1 %e rememb]$ some?+ he _h once said to h]1 & clev]ly rem9d$ him ( x s z to close 8 m\? 9 advance & torture h]self /ill m4 ,d y rememb]8 ,"o ev5+1 by lamplight4 ,i 0 look+ ?r\gh a book4 ,y 7 wat*+ me4 ,y came to me1 y knelt d[n & put y\r arms ar\nd my wai/1 & laid y\r head 9 my lap4 ,!re 7 te>s 9 y\r eyes4 ,i c /ill he> y4 ',i am ?9k+1' y said1 't ?is mom5t w nev] come aga94 ,i am ?9k+ t y are go+ to *ange1 to die1 & g away4 ,i am ?9k+ s truly1 s hotly1 h[ preci\s ^! mom5ts are1 h[ preci\s y are1 y :o w nev] aga9 be j :at y are n[1 & ,i adore y\r ineffable pres5ce z x is n[4' ,y look$ at my h&1 y f\nd x small & :ite1 & y said x 0 an extraord9>y treasure1 :i* w\ld disappe>4 ,!n y repeat$1 ',i adore y1' 9 a voice :i* trembl$ s1 t ,i h nev] he>d any?+ tru] or m beautiful1 = y 7 "r z a god is "r4 ,alas6 he said4 ,he saw ! te>s 9 h] eyes4 ,!n he b[$ 8 head4 ,:5 he lift$ x aga91 ,i _h a vague intuition t he w\ld "k :at to answ]1 b _h n yet =mulat$ h[ to say x4 ,poor creatures1 a brief exi/5ce1 a few /ray ?\ghts 9 ! dep?s ( a room--t is :at we are1 %e said1 lift+ h] head & look+ at him1 hop+ = an impossible contradiction1 z a *ild cries = a />4 ,he murmur$3 ,:o kn[s :at we are8 4 4 4 4 4 ,%e int]rupt$ him ) a ge/ure ( inf9ite we>9ess4 ,i "k :at y are go+ to say4 ,y are go+ to talk to me ab\t ! beauty ( suff]+4 ,i "k y\r noble ideas4 ,i love !m1 my love1 y\r beautiful !ories1 b ,i d n believe 9 !m4 ,i w\ld believe !m if !y consol$ me & effac$ dea?4 ,) a manife/ ef=t1 z unc]ta9 ( himself z %e 0 ( h]self1 feel+ 8 way1 he repli$3 ,!y w\ld efface x1 p]haps1 if y believ$ 9 !m4 ,%e turn$ t[>d him & took "o ( 8 h&s 9 bo? ( h]s4 ,%e que/ion$ him ) inexorable pati5ce1 !n %e slipp$ to h] knees be=e him1 l a lifeless body1 humbl$ h]self 9 ! du/1 wreck$ 9 ! dep?s ( despair1 & implor$ him3 ,oh1 answ] me6 ,i %\ld be s happy if y c\ld answ] me4 ,i feel z ?\gh y really c\ld6 ,he b5t ov] h]1 z if on ! edge ( an abyss ( que/ion+3 ,d y "k :at we are8 he murmur$4 ,ev]y?+ we say1 ev]y?+ we ?9k1 ev]y?+ we believe1 is fictiti\s4 ,we "k no?+4 ,no?+ is sure or solid4 ,y are wrong1 %e cri$4 ,!re _/is_/ some?+ absolute1 our sorr[1 our ne$1 our mis]y4 ,we c see & t\* x4 ,d5y ev]y?+ else1 b our begg>y1 :o c d5y t8 ,y are "r1 he said1 x is ! only absolute ?+ 9 ! _w4 4 4 4 4 4 ,!n1 _/we_/ are ! only absolute ?+ 9 ! _w1 he d$uc$4 ,he caught at ?is4 ,he _h f\nd a fulcrum4 ,we-- he said4 ,he _h f\nd ! cry aga9/ dea?1 he repeat$ x1 & tri$ aga94 ,we-- ,x 0 sublime to see him beg9n+ to resi/4 ,x is we :o endure =ev]4 ,endure =ev]6 ,on ! contr>y1 x is we :o pass away4 ,we see ?+s pass1 b we endure4 ,%e %rugg$ h] %\ld]s ) an air ( d5ial4 ,!re almo/ 0 hatr$ 9 h] voice z %e said3 ,yes--no--p]haps4 ,aft] all1 :at diff]5ce does x make to me8 ,t does n console me4 ,:o kn[s--maybe we ne$ sadness & %ad[1 to make joy & light4 ,light w\ld exi/ )\t %ad[1 %e insi/$4 ,no1 he said g5tly4 ,t does n console me1 %e said aga94 4 4 4 4 4 ,!n he rememb]$ t he _h already ?\ght out all ^! ?+s4 ,li/51 he said1 9 a voice tremul\s & r solemn z if he 7 mak+ a confession4 ,i once imag9$ two be+s :o 7 at ! end ( _! life1 & 7 recall+ all !y _h suff]$4 ,a poem6 %e said1 disc\rag$4 ,yes1 he said1 "o ( ^? :i* might be s beautiful4 ,x 0 rem>kable to see h[ animat$ he became4 ,= ! fir/ "t he appe>$ s9c]e--:5 ab&on+ ! liv+ example ( _! own de/9y = ! fiction ( 8 imag9ation4 ,9 ref]r+ to 8 poem1 he _h trembl$4 ,y felt he 0 becom+ 8 g5u9e self & t he _h fai?4 ,%e rais$ h] head to li/51 mov$ by h] t5aci\s ne$ ( he>+ some?+1 ?\gh %e _h no confid5ce 9 x4 ,! man & ! woman are believ]s1 he began4 ,!y are at ! end ( _! life1 & !y are happy to die = ! reasons t "o is sad to live4 ,!y are a k9d ( ,adam & ,eve :o dream ( ! p>adise to :i* !y are go+ to return4 ,! p>adise ( purity4 ,p>adise is light4 ,life on e>? is obscurity4 ,t is ! motif ( ! song ,i h sket*$1 ! light t !y desire1 ! %ad[ t !y are4 ,l u1 said ,amy4 ,he told ( ! life ( ! man & ! woman ( 8 poem4 ,amy li/5$ to him1 & accept$ :at he 0 say+4 ,once %e put h] h&s on h] he>t & said1 ,poor p6 ,!n %e got a little excit$4 ,%e felt he 0 go+ too f>4 ,%e did n wi% s mu* d>kness1 maybe because %e 0 tir$ or because ! picture :5 pa9t$ by "s "o else seem$ exagg]at$4 ,dream & reality "h co9cid$4 ,! woman ( ! poem also prote/$ at ?is po9t4 ,i 0 c>ri$ away by ! poet's voice1 z he recit$1 sway+ slightly1 9 ! spell ( ! h>mony ( 8 own dream3 ,at ! close ( a life ( pa9 & suff]+ ! woman /ill look$ ahead ) ! curiosity %e _h :5 %e ent]$ life4 ,eve end$ z %e _h begun4 ,all h] subtle eag] woman's s\l climb$ t[>d ! secret z if x 7 a k9d ( kiss on ! lips ( h] life4 ,%e want$ to be happy4 ,amy 0 n[ m int]e/$ 9 h] companion's words4 ,! curse ( ! lov]s 9 ! poem1 si/] to ! curse %e felt ^u h]self1 gave h] confid5ce4 ,b h] p]sonality seem$ to be %r9k+4 ,a few mom5ts be=e %e _h dom9at$ ev]y?+4 ,n[ %e 0 li/5+1 wait+1 absorb$4 ,! lov] reproa*$ ! woman = contradict+ h]self 9 claim+ e>?ly & cele/ial happ9ess at ! same "t4 ,%e answ]$ him ) pr(undity1 t ! contradiction lay n 9 h]self1 b 9 ! ?+s %e want$4 ,! lov] !n seiz$ ano!r heal+ w& & ) desp]ate eag]ness1 he expla9$1 he %\t$1 ',div9e happ9ess has n ! same =m z human happ9ess4 ,div9e happ9ess is outside ( ourselves4' ,! woman rose1 trembl+4 ',t is n true6 ,t is n true6' %e exclaim$4 ',no1 my happ9ess is n outside ( me1 see+ x is _/my_/ happ9ess4 ,! univ]se is ,god's univ]se1 b ,i am ! god ( my own happ9ess4 ,:at ,i want1' %e add$1 ) p]fect simplicity1 'is to be happy1 ,i1 j z ,i am1 & ) all my suff]+4' ,amy />t$4 ,! woman 9 ! poem _h put h] problem 9 a cle>] & deep] mann]1 & ,amy 0 m l t woman ?an h]self4 ',i1 ) all my suff]+1' ! man repeat$4 ,suff]+--important ^w6 ,x leads u to ! he>t ( reality4 ,human suff]+ is a positive ?+1 :i* requires a positive answ]1 & sad z x is1 ! ^w is beautiful1 because ( ! absolute tru? x conta9s4 ',i1 ) all my suff]+6' ,x is an error to believe t we c be happy 9 p]fect calm & cle>ness1 z ab/ract z a =mula4 ,we are made too mu* out ( %ad[ & "s =m ( suff]+4 ,if ev]y?+ t hurts u 7 to be remov$1 :at w\ld rema98 ,& ! woman said1 ',my ,god1 ,i d n wi% = heav56' ,well1 !n1 said ,amy1 trembl+1 x foll[s t we c be mis]able 9 p>adise4 ,p>adise is life1 said ! poet4 ,amy 0 sil5t & rema9$ ) h] head lift$1 compreh5d+ at la/ t ! :ole poem 0 simply a reply to h] "q & t he _h reviv$ 9 h] s\l a l(ti] & a ju/] ?\ght4 ,life is exalt$ to p]fection z x ends1 ! poet w5t on4 ',x is beautiful to rea* ! end ( "o's days1' said ! lov]4 ',x is 9 ?is way t we h liv$ p>adise4' ,!re is ! tru?1 ! poet conclud$4 ,x does n wipe out dea?4 ,x does n dim9i% space1 nor halt "t4 ,b x makes u :at we are 9 ess5tial4 ,happ9ess ne$s unhapp9ess4 ,joy goes h& 9 h& ) sorr[4 ,x is ?anks to ! %ad[ t we exi/4 ,we mu/ n dream ( an absurd ab/raction4 ,we mu/ gu>d ! bond t l9ks u to blood & e>?4 ',j z ,i am6' ,rememb] t4 ,we are a great mixture4 ,we are m ?an we believe4 ,:o kn[s :at we are8 ,on ! woman's face1 :i* ! t]ror ( dea? _h rigidly contract$1 a smile dawn$4 ,%e ask$ ) *ildi% dignity3 ,:y did y n tell me ?is "r away :5 ,i ask$ y8 ,y w\ld n h und]/ood me !n4 ,y _h run y\r dream ( di/ress into a bl9d alley4 ,i _h to take ! tru? along a diff]5t way s z to pres5t x to y anew4 4 4 4 4 4 ,aft] t !y fell sil5t4 ,= a fraction ( "t !y _h come z close to ea* o!r z human be+s c come d[n "h bel[--because ( _! augu/ ass5t to ! l(ty tru?1 to ! ardu\s tru? 7= x is h>d to und]/& t happ9ess is at ! same "t happy & unhappy74 ,%e believ$ him1 h[ev]1 %e1 ! rebel1 %e1 ! unbeliev]1 to :om he _h giv5 a true he>t to t\*4 ,,*apt] ,,viii ,! w9d[ 0 wide op54 ,9 ! du/y rays ( ! sunset ,i saw ?ree p ) _! backs to ! long r$di%-br[n beams ( light4 ,an old man1 ) a c>e-worn1 exhau/$ appe>ance & a face furr[$ ) wr9kles1 seat$ 9 ! arm*air ne> ! w9d[4 ,a tall "y woman ) v fair hair & ! face ( a madonna4 ,&1 a little ap>t1 a woman :o 0 pregnant4 ,%e held h] eyes fix$ 9 front ( h]1 seem+ to contemplate ! future4 ,%e did n ent] into ! conv]sation1 p]haps because ( h] humbl] condition1 or because h] ?\ghts 7 b5t ^u ! ev5t to come4 ,! two o!rs 7 conv]s+4 ,! man _h a crack$1 unev5 voice4 ,a slight fev]i% trem\r sometimes %ook 8 %\ld]s1 & n[ & !n he gave a sudd5 involunt>y j]k4 ,! fire _h di$ out ( 8 eyes & 8 spee* _h traces ( a =eign acc5t4 ,! woman sat beside him quietly4 ,%e _h ! fairness & g5tle calm ( ! nor!rn races1 s :ite & light t ! daylight seem$ to die m sl[ly ?an else:]e ^u h] pale silv] face & ! abundant aureole ( h] hair4 ,7 !y fa!r & daught] or bro!r & si/]8 ,x 0 pla9 t he ador$ h] b t %e 0 n 8 wife4 ,) 8 dimm$ eyes he look$ at ! reflection ( ! sunlight ^u h]4 ,"s "o is go+ to be born1 & "s "o is go+ to die1 he said4 ,! o!r woman />t$1 :ile ! man's companion cri$ 9 a l[ tone1 b5d+ ov] him quickly4 ,oh1 ,philip1 don't say t4 ,he seem$ indiff]5t to ! effect he _h produc$1 z ?\gh h] prote/ _h n be5 s9c]e1 or else 7 9 va94 ,p]haps1 aft] all1 he 0 n an old man4 ,8 hair seem$ to me sc>cely to h begun to turn grey4 ,b he 0 9 ! grip ( a my/]i\s illness1 :i* he did n be> well4 ,he 0 9 a con/ant /ate ( irritation4 ,he _h n long to live4 ,t 0 app>5t f unmi/akable signs--! look ( pity 9 ! woman's eyes m+l$ ) discreetly veil$ al>m1 & an oppressive atmosph]e ( m\rn+4 4 4 4 4 4 ,) a physical ef=t he began to speak s z to break ! sil5ce4 ,z he 0 sitt+ betwe5 me & ! op5 w9d[1 "s ( ! ?+s he said 7 lo/ 9 ! air4 ,he spoke ( 8 travels1 &1 ,i ?9k1 also ( 8 m>riage1 b ,i did n he> well4 ,he became animat$1 & 8 voice rose pa9fully4 ,he quiv]$4 ,a re/ra9$ passion enliv5$ 8 ge/ures & glances & w>m$ 8 language4 ,y c\ld tell t he mu/ h be5 an active brilliant man be=e 8 illness4 ,he turn$ 8 head a little & ,i c\ld he> him bett]4 ,he told ( ! cities & c\ntries t he _h visit$4 ,x 0 l an invocation to sacr$ names1 to f>-(f diff]5t skies1 ,italy1 ,egypt1 ,india4 ,he _h come to ?is room to re/1 betwe5 two /ations1 & he 0 re/+ uneasily1 l an escap$ convict4 ,he said he w\ld h to leave aga91 & 8 eyes sp>kl$4 ,he spoke ( :at he /ill want$ to see4 ,b ! twilight deep5$1 ! w>m? left ! air1 & all he ?\ght ( n[ 0 :at he _h se5 9 ! pa/4 ,?9k ( ev]y?+ we h se51 ( all ! space we br+ ) u4 ,!y gave ! impression ( a gr\p ( travell]s1 nev] 9 repose1 =ev] 9 flight1 arre/$ = a mom5t 9 _! insatiable c\rse1 9 a corn] ( ! _w :i* y felt 0 made small by _! pres5ce4 4 4 4 4 4 ,pal]mo--,sicily4 ,n d>+ to advance into ! future1 he intoxicat$ himself ) ^! recollections4 ,i saw ! ef=t he 0 mak+ to draw ne> to "s lum9\s po9t 9 ! days gone by4 ,c>pi1 ,c>pi1 he cri$4 ,anna1 d y rememb] t wond]ful brilliant morn+8 ,! f]ryman & 8 wife 7 at table 9 ! op5 air4 ,:at a gl[ ov] ! :ole c\ntry6 ,! table1 r\nd & pale l a />4 ,! /ream sp>kl+4 ,! banks bord]$ ) ole&] & tam>isk4 ,! sun made a fl[] ( e leaf4 ,! grass %one z if x 7 full ( dew4 ,! %rubs seem$ bejewell$4 ,! breeze 0 s fa9t t x 0 a smile1 n a sigh4 ,%e li/5$ to him1 placid1 deep1 & limpid z a mirror4 ,! :ole ( ! f]ryman's family1 he cont9u$1 0 n !re4 ,! "y daught] 0 dream+ on a ru/ic seat1 f> en\gh away n to he> !m4 ,i saw ! light-gre5 %ad[ t ! tree ca/ ^u h]1 !re at ! edge ( ! =e/'s violet my/]y4 ,& ,i c /ill he> ! flies buzz+ 9 t ,lomb>dy summ] ov] ! w9d+ riv] :i* unfold$ its *>ms z we walk$ along ! banks4 ,! greate/ impression ,i ev] _h ( noonday sunlight1 he cont9u$1 0 9 ,london1 9 a museum4 ,an ,italian boy 9 ! dress ( 8 c\ntry1 a model1 0 /&+ 9 front ( a picture :i* repres5t$ a sunlight effect on a ,roman l&scape4 ,! boy held 8 head /ret*$ out4 ,amid ! immobility ( ! indiff]5t att5dants1 & 9 ! dampness & drabness ( a ,london day1 ?is ,italian boy radiat$ light4 ,he 0 deaf to ev]y?+ ar\nd him1 full ( secret sunlight1 & 8 h&s 7 almo/ clasp$4 ,he 0 pray+ to ! div9e picture4 ,we saw ,c>pi aga91 said ,anna4 ,we _h to pass ?r\gh x by *ance 9 ,novemb]4 ,x 0 v cold4 ,we wore all our furs1 & ! riv] 0 froz54 ,yes1 & we walk$ on ! ice4 ,he paus$ = a mom5t1 !n ask$3 ,:y are c]ta9 memories imp]i%able8 ,he buri$ 8 face 9 8 n]v\s h&s & sigh$3 ,:y1 oh1 :y8 ,our oasis1 ,anna said1 to assi/ him 9 8 memories1 or p]haps because %e %>$ 9 ! intoxication ( reviv+ !m1 0 ! corn] :]e ! l9d5s & acacias 7 on y\r e/ate 9 ! gov]nm5t ( ,kiev4 ,"o :ole side ( ! lawn 0 always /rewn ) fl[]s 9 summ] & leaves 9 w9t]4 ,i c /ill see my fa!r !re1 he said4 ,he _h a k9d face4 ,he wore a great cloak ( %aggy clo?1 & a felt cap pull$ d[n ov] 8 e>s4 ,he _h a l>ge :ite be>d1 & 8 eyes wat]$ a little f ! cold4 ,:y1 he wond]$ aft] a pause1 d ,i ?9k ( my fa!r t way & no o!r way8 ,i d n "k1 b t is ! way he w live 9 me4 ,t is ! way he w n die4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! day 0 decl9+4 ,! woman seem$ to /& out 9 great] relief aga9/ ! o!r two & become m & m beautiful4 ,i saw ! man's silh\ette on ! fad$ curta9s1 8 back b5t1 8 head %ak+ z 9 a palsy & 8 neck /ra9$ & emaciat$4 ,) a r awkw>d movem5t he drew a case ( cig>ettes f 8 pocket & lit a cig>ette4 ,z ! eag] little light rose & spread l a glitt]+ mask1 ,i saw 8 ravag$ features4 ,b :5 he />t$ to smoke 9 ! twilight1 all y c\ld see 0 ! gl[+ cig>ette1 %ak5 by an arm z unsub/antial z ! smoke t came f x4 ,x 0 n tobacco t he 0 smok+4 ,! od\r ( a drug sick5$ me4 ,he held out 8 h& feebly t[>d ! clos$ w9d[1 mode/ ) its half-lift$ curta9s4 ,look--,b5>es & ,allahabad4 ,a sumptu\s c]emony--ti>as--insignia1 & wom5's ornam5ts4 ,9 ! =egr\nd1 ! high prie/1 ) 8 elaborate head-dress 9 ti]s--a vague pagoda1 ar*itecture1 epo*1 race4 ,h[ diff]5t we are f ^? creatures4 ,are _/!y_/ "r or are _/we_/ "r8 ,n[ he ext5d$ ! circle ( ! pa/1 ) a mighty ef=t4 ,our travels--all ^? bonds "o leaves beh9d4 ,all useless4 ,travell+ does n make u great]4 ,:y %\ld ! m]e cov]+ ( gr\nd make u great]8 ,! man b[$ 8 wa/$ head4 4 4 4 4 4 ,he :o _h j be5 9 ec/asy n[ began to compla94 ,i keep rememb]+--,i keep rememb]+4 ,my he>t has no pity on me4 ,ah1 he m\rn$1 a mom5t aft]w>ds1 ) a ge/ure ( resignation1 we _c say good-by to ev]y?+4 ,! woman 0 !re1 b %e c\ld d no?+1 al?\gh s greatly ador$4 ,%e 0 !re ) only h] beauty4 ,x 0 a sup]human vision t he evok$1 height5$ by regret1 by remorse & gre$4 ,he did n want x to end4 ,he want$ x back aga94 ,he lov$ 8 pa/4 ,inexorable1 motionless1 ! pa/ is end[$ ) ! attributes ( div9ity1 because1 = believ]s z well z = unbeliev]s1 ! great attribute ( ,god is t ( be+ pray$ to4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! pregnant woman _h gone out4 ,i saw h] g to ! door1 s(tly ) mat]nal c>efulness ( h]self4 ,anna & ! sick man 7 left alone4 ,! ev5+ _h a gripp+ reality4 ,x seem$ to live1 to be firmly root$1 & to hold its place4 ,nev] be=e _h ! room be5 s full ( x4 ,"o m day com+ to an end1 he said1 & w5t on z if pursu+ 8 tra9 ( ?\ght3 ,we mu/ get ev]y?+ ready = our m>riage4 ,mi*el6 cri$ ! "y woman in/9ctively1 z if %e c\ld n hold ! "n back4 ,mi*el w n be angry at u1 ! man repli$4 ,he kn[s y love him1 ,anna4 ,he w n be fright5$ by a =mality1 pure & simple-- by a m>riage _/9 extremis1_/ he add$ emphatically1 smil+ z ?\gh to console himself4 ,!y look$ at ea* o!r4 ,he 0 dry1 fev]i%4 ,8 words came f deep d[n 9 8 be+4 ,%e trembl$4 ,) 8 eyes on h]1 s :ite & tall & radiant1 he made a visible ef=t to hold himself 91 z if n d>+ to rea* h] ) a s+le ^w4 ,!n he let himself g4 ,i love y s mu*1 he said simply4 ,ah1 %e answ]$1 y w n die6 ,h[ good y 71 he repli$1 to h be5 will+ to be my si/] = s long6 ,?9k ( all y h done = me6 %e exclaim$1 clasp+ h] h&s & b5d+ h] magnific5t body t[>d him1 z if pro/rat+ h]self be=e him4 ,y c\ld tell t !y 7 speak+ op5-he>t$ly4 ,:at a good ?+ x is to be frank & speak )\t retic5ce1 )\t ! %ame & guilt ( n kn[+ :at "o is say+ & = ea* to g /raight to ! o!r4 ,x is almo/ a miracle4 ,!y 7 sil5t4 ,he clos$ 8 eyes1 ?\gh cont9u+ to see h]1 !n op5$ !m aga9 & look$ at h]4 ,y are my angel :o d n love me4 ,8 face cl\d$4 ,?is simple sight ov]:elm$ me4 ,x 0 ! inf9it5ess ( a he>t p>tak+ ( nature--?is cl\d+ ( 8 face4 ,i saw ) :at love he lift$ himself up to h]4 ,%e knew x4 ,!re 0 a great g5tl5ess 9 h] words1 9 h] attitude t[>d him1 :i* 9 e little detail %[$ t %e knew 8 love4 ,%e did n enc\rage him1 or lie to him1 b :5ev] %e c\ld1 by a ^w1 by a ge/ure1 or by "s beautiful sil5ce1 %e w\ld try to console him a little = ! h>m %e did him by h] pres5ce & by h] abs5ce4 ,aft] /udy+ h] face aga91 :ile ! %ad[ drew him /ill ne>] to h] 9 spite ( himself1 he said3 ,y are ! sad confidante ( my love ( y4 ,he spoke ( _! m>riage aga94 ,s9ce all prep>ations _h be5 made1 :y n m>ry at once8 ,my =tune1 my "n1 ,anna1 ! *a/e love t w be left to y f me :5--:5 ,i %all be gone4 ,he want$ to trans=m 8 c>ess--too light1 alas--into a la/+ b5efit = ! vague future4 ,= ! pres5t all he aspir$ to 0 ! feeble & fictiti\s union impli$ 9 ! ^w m>riage4 ,:y speak ( x8 %e said1 in/ead ( giv+ a direct answ]1 feel+ an almo/ insurm\ntable repugnance1 d\btless because ( h] love = ,mi*el1 :i* ! sick man _h decl>$ 9 h] /ead4 ,:ile %e _h cons5t$ 9 pr9ciple to m>ry+ him & _h all[$ ! prelim9>y /eps to be tak51 %e _h nev] repli$ def9itely to 8 urg+s4 ,b x look$ to me z if %e 7 ab\t to make a diff]5t decision1 "o contr>y to h] mat]ial int]e/s1 9 all ! purity ( h] s\l1 :i* 0 s transp>5t--! decision to give h]self to him freely4 ,tell me6 he murmur$4 ,!re 0 almo/ a smile on h] m\?1 ! m\? to :i* supplications _h be5 (f]$ z to an alt>4 ,! dy+ man1 feel+ t %e 0 ab\t to accept1 murmur$3 ,i love life4 ,he %ook 8 head4 ,i h s little "t left1 s little "t t ,i d n want to sleep at night any m4 ,!n he paus$ & wait$ = h] to speak4 ,yes1 %e said1 & lightly t\*$--h>dly graz$--! old man's h& ) h] own4 ,& 9 spite ( myself1 my inexorable1 att5tive eye c\ld n help detect+ ! /amp ( !atrical solemnity1 ( consci\s gr&eur 9 h] ge/ure4 ,ev5 ?\gh devot$ & *a/e1 )\t any ult]ior motive1 h] sacrifice _h a self-glorify+ pride1 :i* ,i p]ceiv$--,i :o saw ev]y?+4 4 4 4 4 4 ,9 ! bo>d+-h\se1 ! /rang]s 7 ! sole topic ( conv]sation4 ,!y occupi$ ?ree rooms & _h a great deal ( baggage1 & ! man seem$ to be v ri*1 ?\gh simple 9 8 ta/es4 ,!y 7 to /ay 9 ,p>is until ! "y woman's deliv]y1 9 a mon? or s4 ,%e expect$ to g to a hospital ne>by4 ,b ! man 0 v ill1 !y said4 ,madame ,lem]ci] 0 extremely annoy$4 ,%e 0 afraid he w\ld die 9 h] h\se4 ,%e _h made arrangem5ts by correspond5ce1 o!rwise %e w\ld n h tak5 ^! p 9--9 spite ( ! tone t _! weal? might give to h] h\se4 ,%e hop$ he w\ld la/ long en\gh to be able to leave4 ,b :5 y spoke to h]1 %e seem$ to be worri$4 ,:5 ,i saw him aga91 ,i felt he 0 really go+ to die soon4 ,he sat 9 8 *air1 collaps$1 ) 8 elb[s on ! arms ( ! *air & 8 h&s droop+4 ,x seem$ difficult = him to look at ?+s1 & he held 8 face b[$ d[n1 s t ! light f ! w9d[ did n reveal 8 pupils1 b only ! edge ( ! l[] lids1 :i* gave ! impression ( 8 eyes hav+ be5 put out4 ,i rememb]$ :at ! poet _h said1 & ,i trembl$ be=e ?is man ^: life 0 ov]1 :o review$ almo/ 8 entire exi/5ce l a t]rible sov]eign1 & 0 wrapp$ 9 a beauty t 0 ( ,god4 ,,*apt] ,,ix ,"s "o knock$ at ! door4 ,x 0 "t = ! doctor4 ,! sick man rais$ himself unc]ta9ly 9 awe ( ! ma/]4 ,h[ h y be5 to-day8 ,bad4 ,well1 well1 ! doctor said lightly4 ,!y 7 left alone toge!r4 ,! man dropp$ d[n aga9 ) a sl[ness & awkw>dness t w\ld h seem$ ridicul\s if x _h n be5 s sad4 ,! doctor /ood betwe5 u4 ,h[ has y\r he>t be5 behav+8 ,by an in/9ct :i* seem$ tragic to me1 !y bo? l[]$ _! voices1 & 9 a l[ tone ! sick man gave 8 daily acc\nt ( ! progress ( 8 malady4 ,! man ( sci5ce li/5$1 int]rupt$1 & nodd$ 8 head 9 approval4 ,he put an end to ! recital by repeat+ 8 usual mean+less assurances1 9 a rais$ voice n[ & ) 8 usual broad ge/ure4 ,well1 well1 ,i see !re's no?+ new4 ,he %ift$ 8 position & ,i saw ! pati5t1 8 drawn features & wild eyes4 ,he 0 all %ak5 up by ?is talk+ ab\t ! dreadful riddle ( 8 illness4 ,he calm$ himself1 & began to conv]se ) ! doctor1 :o let himself d[n squ>ely into a *air1 ) an affable mann]4 ,he />t$ sev]al topics1 !n 9 spite ( himself return$ to ! s9i/] ?+ he c>ri$ )9 him1 8 disease4 ,disgu/+6 he said4 ,bah6 said ! doctor1 :o 0 blas4 ,!n he rose4 ,well1 till to-morr[6 ,yes1 = ! consultation4 ,yes4 ,well1 good-by6 ,! doctor w5t out1 lightly c>ry+ ! burd5 ( mis]y & cruel memories1 ! weight ( :i* he _h ceas$ to feel4 4 4 4 4 4 ,evid5tly ! consult+ physicians _h j f9i%$ _! exam9ation ( ! pati5t 9 ano!r room4 ,! door op5$1 & two doctors ent]$4 ,_! mann] seem$ to me to be /iff4 ,"o ( !m 0 a "y man1 ! o!r an old man4 ,!y look$ at ea* o!r4 ,i tri$ to p5etrate ! sil5ce ( _! eyes & ! night 9 _! heads4 ,! old] man /rok$ 8 be>d1 lean$ aga9/ ! mantelpiece1 & />$ at ! gr\nd4 ,hopeless1 he said1 l[]+ 8 voice1 = fe> ( be+ ov]he>d by ! pati5t4 ,! o!r nodd$ 8 head--9 sign ( agreem5t--( complicity1 y might say4 ,bo? m5 fell sil5t l two guilty *ildr54 ,_! eyes met aga94 ,h[ old is he8 ,fifty-?ree4 ,lucky to live s long1 ! "y doctor rem>k$4 ,to :i* ! old man retort$ philosophically3 ,yes1 inde$4 ,b 8 luck won't hold out any long]4 ,a sil5ce4 ,! man ) ! grey be>d murmur$3 ,i detect$ s>coma4 ,he put 8 f+] on 8 neck4 ,"r "h4 ,! o!r man nodd$--8 head seem$ to be nodd+ cont9ually--& mutt]$3 ,yes4 ,!re's no possibility ( op]at+4 ,( c\rse n1 said ! old speciali/1 8 eyes %9+ ) a k9d ( s9i/] irony4 ,!re's only "o ?+ t c\ld remove x--! guillot9e4 ,besides1 ! malignant condition has spread4 ,!re is pressure ^u ! submaxill>y & subclavicul> ganglia1 & probably ! axill>y ganglia also4 ,8 respiration1 circulation & dige/ion w soon be ob/ruct$ & /rangulation w be rapid4 ,he sigh$ & /ood ) an unlight$ cig> 9 8 m\?1 8 face rigid1 8 arms fold$4 ,! "y man sat d[n1 lean+ back 9 8 *air1 & tapp$ ! m>ble mantelpiece ) 8 idle f+]s4 ,:at %all ,i tell ! "y woman8 ,put on a subdu$ mann] & tell h] x is s]i\s1 v s]i\s1 b no "o c tell1 nature is inf9itely res\rceful4 ,t's s hackney$4 ,s mu* ! bett]1 said ! old man4 ,b if %e insi/s on kn[+8 ,don't give 94 ,%all we n hold out a little hope8 ,%e is s "y4 ,no4 ,= t v reason we mu/n't4 ,%e'd become too hopeful4 ,my boy1 nev] say any?+ sup]flu\s at su* a "t4 ,!re's no use4 ,! only result is to make !m call u ignoramuses & hate u4 ,does he realise8 ,i d n "k4 ,:ile ,i exam9$ him--y he>d--,i tri$ to f9d out by ask+ que/ions4 ,once ,i ?\ght he _h no suspicion at all4 ,!n he seem$ to und]/& 8 case z well z ,i did4 ,s>coma =ms l ! human embryo1 said ! y\ng] doctor4 ,yes1 l ! human embryo1 ! o!r ass5t$ & ent]$ into a long elaboration ( ?is idea4 ,! g]m acts on ! cell1 z ,lanc]eaux has po9t$ out1 9 ! same way z a sp]matozoon4 ,x is a micro-organism :i* p5etrates ! tissue1 & selects & impregnates x1 sets x vibrat+1 gives x _/ano!r life4_/ ,b ! excit+ ag5t ( ?is intracellul> activity1 in/ead ( be+ ! normal g]m ( life1 is a p>asite4 ,he w5t on to describe ! process m9utely & 9 highly sci5tific t]ms1 & end$ up by say+3 ,! canc]\s tissue nev] a*ieves full developm5t4 ,x keeps on )\t ev] rea*+ a limit4 ,yes1 canc]1 9 ! /ricte/ s5se ( ! ^w1 is inf9ite 9 our organism4 ,! "y doctor b[$ ass5t1 & !n said3 ,p]haps--no d\bt--we %all succe$ 9 "t 9 cur+ all diseases4 ,ev]y?+ c *ange4 ,we %all f9d ! prop] me?od = prev5t+ :at we _c /op :5 x has once begun4 ,& x is !n only t we %all d>e to tell ! ravages due to ! spread ( incurable diseases4 ,p]haps we %all ev5 succe$ 9 f9d+ cures = c]ta9 incurable affections4 ,! rem$ies h n _h "t to prove !mselves4 ,we %all cure o!rs--t is c]ta9--b we %all n cure him4 ,8 voice deep5$4 ,!n he ask$3 ,is he a ,russian or a ,greek8 ,i d n "k4 ,i see s mu* into ! inside ( p t _! outsides all look alike to me4 ,!y are especially alike 9 _! vile pret5se ( be+ dissimil> & enemies4 ,! "y man seem$ to %udd]1 z if ! idea ar\s$ a k9d ( passion 9 him4 ,he rose1 full ( ang]1 *ang$4 ,oh1 he said1 :at a disgraceful spectacle humanity pres5ts4 ,9 spite ( its fe>ful w\nds1 humanity makes w> ^u humanity4 ,we :o deal ) ! sores afflict+ mank9d are /ruck m ?an o!rs by all ! evil m5 involunt>ily inflict ^u "o ano!r4 ,i am nei!r a politician nor a propag&i/4 ,x is n my bus9ess to occupy myself ) ideas4 ,i h too mu* else to d4 ,b sometimes ,i am mov$ by a great pity1 z l(ty z a dream4 ,sometimes ,i feel l puni%+ m51 at o!r times1 l go+ d[n on my knees to !m4 ,! old doctor smil$ sadly at ?is vehem5ce1 !n 8 smile vani%$ at ! ?\ght ( ! und5iable outrage4 ,un=tunately y are "r4 ,) all ! mis]y we h to suff]1 we te> ourselves ) our own h&s besides--! w> ( ! classes1 ! w> ( ! nations1 :e!r y look at u f af> or f above1 we are b>b>ians & madm54 ,:y1 :y1 said ! "y doctor1 :o 0 gett+ excit$1 :y d we cont9ue to be fools :5 we recognise our own folly8 ,! old practition] %rugg$ 8 %\ld]s1 z he _h a few mom5ts be=e :5 !y spoke ( incurable diseases4 ,! =ce ( tradition1 fann$ by int]e/$ p>ties4 ,we are n free1 we are atta*$ to ! pa/4 ,we /udy :at has always be5 done1 & d x ov] aga9--w> & inju/ice4 ,"s day p]haps humanity w succe$ 9 ridd+ itself ( ! gho/ ( ! pa/4 ,let u hope t "s day we %all em]ge f ?is endless epo* ( massacre & mis]y4 ,:at else is !re to d ?an to hope8 ,! old man /opp$ at ?is4 ,! "y man said3 ,to w4 ,! o!r man made a ge/ure ) 8 h&4 ,!re is "o great g5]al cause = ! _w's ulc]1 ! y\ng] "o kept on4 ,y h said x--s]vility to ! pa/1 prejudice :i* prev5ts u f do+ ?+s diff]5tly1 accord+ to reason & morality4 ,! _s ( tradition infects humanity1 & its two frightful manife/ations are-- ,! old man rose f 8 *air1 z if ab\t to prote/ & z if to say1 ,don't m5tion !m6 ,b ! "y man c\ld n re/ra9 himself any m4 --inh]itance f ! pa/ & ! fa!rl&4 ,hu%6 cri$ ! old man4 ,y are tread+ on gr\nd on :i* ,i _c foll[4 ,i recognise pres5t evils4 ,i pray ) all my he>t = ! new era4 ,m ?an t1 ,i believe 9 x4 ,b d n speak t way ab\t two sacr$ pr9ciples4 ,y speak l ev]ybody else1 said ! "y man bitt]ly4 ,we mu/ g to ! root ( ! evil1 y "k we mu/4 _/,y_/ c]ta9ly d4 ,& he add$ viol5tly1 ,:y d y act z if y did n "k x8 ,if we wi% to cure ourselves ( oppression & w>1 we h a "r to attack !m by all ! means possible--all6--! pr9ciple ( inh]itance & ! cult ( ! fa!rl&4 ,no1 we hav5't ! "r1 exclaim$ ! old man1 :o _h ris5 9 great agitation & ?rew a look at 8 int]locutor t 0 h>d1 almo/ savage4 ,we h ! "r6 cri$ ! o!r4 ,all at once1 ! grey head droop$1 & ! old man said 9 a l[ voice3 ,yes1 x is true1 we h ! "r4 ,i rememb] "o day dur+ ! w>4 ,we 7 /&+ beside a dy+ man4 ,no "o knew :o he 04 ,he _h be5 f\nd 9 ! debris ( a bomb>d$ ambulance--:e!r bomb>d$ purposely or n1 ! result 0 ! same4 ,8 face _h be5 mutilat$ beyond recognition4 ,all y c\ld tell 0 t he belong$ to "o or o!r ( ! two armies4 ,he moan$ & groan$ & sobb$ & %riek$ & inv5t$ ! mo/ appall+ cries4 ,we li/5$ to ! s\nds t he made 9 8 agony1 try+ to f9d "o ^w1 ! fa9te/ acc5t1 t w\ld at lea/ indicate 8 nationality4 ,no use4 ,n a s+le intelligible s\nd f t some?+ l a face quiv]+ on ! /ret*]4 ,we look$ & li/5$1 until he fell sil5t4 ,:5 he 0 dead & we /opp$ trembl+1 ,i _h a fla% ( compreh5sion4 ,i und]/ood4 ,i und]/ood 9 ! dep?s ( my be+ t man is m closely knit to man ?an to 8 vague compatriots4 ,yes1 we h a "r to attack oppression & w>1 we h a "r to4 ,i saw ! tru? sev]al times aft]w>d aga91 b ,i am an old man1 & ,i hav5't ! /r5g? to /ick to x4 ,my de> sir1 said ! "y man1 ris+1 ) respect 9 8 voice4 ,evid5tly he 0 t\*$4 ,yes1 ,i "k1 ,i "k1 ! old sci5ti/ cont9u$ 9 an outbur/ ( s9c]ity4 ,i "k t 9 spite ( all ! argum5ts & ! maze ( special cases 9 :i* p lose !mselves1 ! absolute1 simple tru? rema9s1 t ! law by :i* "s are born ri* & o!rs poor & :i* ma9ta9s a *ronic inequality 9 society is a supreme inju/ice4 ,x re/s on no bett] basis ?an ! law t once creat$ races ( slaves4 ,i "k patriotism has become a n>r[ (f5sive s5tim5t :i* z long z x lives w ma9ta9 w> & exhau/ ! _w4 ,i "k t nei!r "w nor mat]ial & moral prosp]ity1 nor ! noble ref9em5ts ( progress1 nor ! wond]s ( art1 ne$ competition inspir$ by hate4 ,9 fact1 ,i "k t1 on ! contr>y1 ^! ?+s are de/roy$ by arms4 ,i "k t ! map ( a c\ntry is compos$ ( conv5tional l9es & diff]5t names1 t our innate love ( self leads u clos] to ^? t are l-m9d$ ?an to ^? :o belong to ! same geographical gr\p1 & we are m truly compatriots ( ^? :o und]/& & love u & :o are on ! level ( our own s\ls1 or :o suff] ! same slav]y ?an ( ^? :om we meet on ! /reet4 ,! national gr\ps1 ! units ( ! mod]n _w1 are :at !y are1 to be sure4 ,! love we h = our native l& w\ld be good & praisewor?y if x did n deg5]ate1 z we see x does ev]y:]e1 into vanity1 ! _s ( pr$om9ance1 acquisitiv5ess1 hate1 envy1 nationalism1 & milit>ism4 ,! mon/r\s di/ortion ( ! patriotic s5tim5t1 :i* is increas+1 is kill+ (f humanity4 ,mank9d is committ+ suicide1 & our age is an agony4 ,! two m5 _h ! same vision & said simultane\sly3 ,a canc]1 a canc]6 ,! old] sci5ti/ grew animat$1 succumb+ to ! evid5ce4 ,i "k z well z y d t po/]ity w judge sev]ely ^? :o h made a feti* ( ! in/itutions ( oppression & h cultivat$ & spread ! ideas support+ !m4 ,i "k t ! cure = an abuse does n beg9 until we refuse to submit to ! cult t consecrates x4 ,& ,i1 :o h devot$ myself = half a c5tury to ! great discov]ies t h *ang$ ! face ( ! _w1 ,i "k t 9 introduc+ an innovation "o enc\nt]s ! ho/ility ( ev]y?+ t is4 ,i "k x is a vice to sp5d ye>s & c5turies say+ ( progress1 ',i %\ld l x1 b ,i d n want x4' ,b z = me1 ,i h too _m c>es & too mu* "w to d4 ,& !n1 z ,i told y1 ,i am too old4 ,^! ideas are too new = me4 ,a man's intellig5ce is capable ( hold+ only a c]ta9 quantum ( new1 creative ideas4 ,:5 t am\nt is exhau/$1 :atev] ! progress ar\nd y may be1 "o refuses to see x & help x on4 ,i am incapable ( c>ry+ on a discussion to fruitful l5g?s4 ,i am incapable ( ! audacity ( be+ logical4 ,i confess to y1 my boy1 ,i h n ! /r5g? to be "r4 ,my de> doctor1 said ! "y man 9 a tone ( reproa*1 meet+ 8 old] colleague's s9c]ity ) equal s9c]ity1 y h publicly decl>$ y\r disapproval ( ! m5 :o publicly f\ght ! idea ( patriotism4 ,! influ5ce ( y\r "n has be5 us$ aga9/ !m4 ,! old man /raight5$ himself1 & 8 face col\r$4 ,i w n /& = our c\ntry's be+ endang]$4 ,i did n recognise him any m4 ,he dropp$ f 8 great ?\ghts & 0 no long] himself4 ,i 0 disc\rag$4 ,b1 ! o!r put 91 :at y j said-- ,t is n ! same ?+4 ,! p y speak ( h defi$ u4 ,!y h decl>$ !mselves enemies & s h ju/ifi$ all outrages 9 advance4 ,^? :o commit outrages aga9/ !m commit ! crime ( ignorance1 said ! "y man 9 a tremul\s voice1 su/a9$ by a k9d ( vision4 ,!y fail to see ! sup]ior logic ( ?+s t are 9 ! process ( creation4 ,he b5t ov] to 8 companion1 &1 9 a firm] tone1 ask$1 ,h[ c ! ?+ t is beg9n+ help be+ revolution>y8 ,^? :o are ! fir/ to cry out are alone1 & !re=e ignor$ or despis$4 ,y y\rself j said s4 ,b po/]ity w rememb] ! vangu>d ( m>tyrs4 ,x w hail ^? :o h ca/ a d\bt on ! equivocal ^w 'fa!rl&1' & w ga!r !m into ! fold ( all ! innovators :o w5t be=e !m & :o are n[ univ]sally hon\r$4 ,nev]6 cri$ ! old man1 :o li/5$ to ?is la/ ) a tr\bl$ look4 ,a fr[n ( ob/9acy & impati5ce deep5$ 9 8 =ehead1 & he cl5*$ 8 fi/s 9 hate4 ,no1 t is n ! same ?+4 ,besides1 discussions l ?is lead n[h]e4 ,x w\ld be bett]1 :ile we are wait+ = ! _w to d its duty1 = u to d ours & tell ?is poor woman ! tru?4 ,,*apt] ,x ,! two wom5 7 alone beside ! wide op5 w9d[4 ,9 ! full1 wise light ( ! autumn sun1 ,i saw h[ fad$ 0 ! face ( ! pregnant woman4 ,all ( a sudd5 a fright5$ expression came into h] eyes4 ,%e reel$ aga9/ ! wall1 lean$ !re a second1 & !n fell ov] ) a /ifl$ cry4 ,anna caught h] 9 h] arms1 & dragg$ h] along until %e rea*$ ! bell & rang & rang4 ,!n %e /ood /ill1 n d>+ to budge1 hold+ 9 h] arms ! heavy delicate woman1 h] own face close to ! face ) ! roll+ eyes4 ,! cries1 dull & /ifl$ at fir/1 bur/ out n[ 9 l\d %rieks4 ,! door op5$4 ,p hurri$ 94 ,outside ! door ! s]vants 7 on ! wat*4 ,i caught sight ( ! l&lady1 :o succe$$ ill 9 conceal+ h] comic *agr94 ,!y laid ! woman on ! b$4 ,!y remov$ ornam5ts1 unfold$ t[els1 & gave hurri$ ord]s4 ,! crisis subsid$ & ! woman /opp$ %riek+4 ,%e 0 s happy n to be suff]+ any m t %e laugh$4 ,a some:at con/ra9$ reflection ( h] laugh appe>$ on ! faces b5d+ ov] h]4 ,!y undress$ h] c>efully4 ,%e let !m h&le h] l a *ild4 ,!y fix$ ! b$4 ,h] legs look$ v ?9 & h] set face seem$ r$uc$ to no?+4 ,all y saw 0 h] di/5d$ body 9 ! middle ( ! b$4 ,h] hair 0 undone & spread ar\nd h] face l a pool4 ,two fem99e h&s plait$ x quickly4 ,h] laught] broke & /opp$4 ,x is beg9n+ aga94 ,a groan1 :i* grew l\d]1 a fre% bur/ ( %rieks4 ,anna1 h] only fri5d1 rema9$ 9 ! room4 ,%e look$ & li/5$1 fill$ ) ?\ghts ( mo!rhood4 ,%e 0 ?9k+ t %e1 too1 held )9 h] su* travail & su* cries4 ,?is la/$ ! :ole day4 ,= h\rs1 f morn+ until ev5+1 ,i he>d ! he>t-r5d+ wail ris+ & fall+ f t pitiful d\ble be+4 ,at c]ta9 mom5ts ,i fell back1 ov]come4 ,i c\ld no long] look or li/54 ,i r5\nc$ see+ s mu* tru?4 ,!n once m1 ) an ef=t1 ,i /ood up aga9/ ! wall & look$ into ! ,room aga94 ,anna kiss$ ! woman on h] =ehead1 9 brave proximity to ! imm5se cry4 ,:5 ! cry 0 articulate1 x 03 ,no1 no6 ,i d n want to6 ,s]i\s1 sick5$ faces1 almo/ gr[n old 9 a few h\rs ) fatigue1 pass$ & repass$4 ,i he>d "s "o say3 ,no ne$ to help x along4 ,nature mu/ be all[$ to take h] c\rse4 ,:atev] nature does %e does well4 ,& 9 surprise my lips repeat$ ?is lie1 :ile my eyes 7 fix$ ^u ! frail1 innoc5t woman :o 0 a prey to /up5d\s nature1 :i* cru%$ h]1 roll$ h] 9 h] blood1 & exact$ all ! suff]+ f h] t %e c\ld yield4 ,! midwife turn$ up h] sleeves & put on h] rubb] gloves4 ,%e wav$ h] enorm\s r$di%-black1 gli/5+ h&s l ,indian clubs4 ,& all ?is turn$ into a nightm>e 9 :i* ,i half believ$4 ,my head grew heavy & ,i 0 sick5$ by ! smell ( blood & c>bolic acid p\r$ out by ! bottleful4 ,at a mom5t :5 ,i1 feel+ too h>r[$1 0 n look+1 ,i he>d a cry diff]5t f h]s1 a cry t 0 sc>cely m ?an ! s\nd ( a mov+ object1 a light grat+4 ,x 0 ! new be+ t _h unloos5$ itself1 z yet a m]e morsel ( fle% tak5 f h] fle%-- h] he>t :i* _h j be5 torn away f h]4 ,?is %ook me to ! dep?s ( my be+4 ,i1 :o _h witness$ ev]y?+ t human be+s und]go1 ,i1 at ?is fir/ signal ( human life1 felt "s pat]nal & frat]nal *ord--,i d n "k :at-- vibrat+ )9 me4 ,%e laugh$4 ,h[ quickly x w5t6 %e said4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! day 0 com+ to a close4 ,complete sil5ce 9 ! room4 ,a pla9 night lamp 0 burn+1 ! flame sc>cely flick]+4 ,! clock1 l a poor s\l1 0 tick+ fa9tly4 ,!re 0 h>dly a ?+ ne> ! b$4 ,x 0 z 9 a real temple4 ,%e lay /ret*$ out 9 b$1 9 ideal quiet1 h] eyes turn$ t[>d ! w9d[4 ,bit by bit1 %e saw ! ev5+ desc5d+ ^u ! mo/ beautiful day 9 h] life4 ,?is ru9$ mass1 ?is languid face %one ) ! glory ( hav+ creat$1 ) a sort ( ec/asy :i* r$eem$ h] suff]+1 & "o saw ! new _w ( ?\ghts t grew out ( h] exp]i5ce4 ,%e ?\ght ( ! *ild gr[+ up4 ,%e smil$ at ! joys & sorr[s x w\ld cause h]4 ,%e smil$ also at ! bro!r or si/] x w\ld h "s day4 ,& ,i ?\ght ( ?is at ! same "t t %e did1 & ,i saw h] m>tyrdom m cle>ly ?an %e4 ,?is massacre1 ?is trag$y ( fle% is s ord9>y & commonplace t e woman c>ries ! memory & impr9t ( x1 & yet nobody really kn[s x4 ,! doctor1 :o comes into contact ) s mu* ( ! same sort ( suff]+1 is n mov$ by x any m4 ,! woman1 :o is too t5d]-he>t$1 nev] rememb]s x4 ,o!rs :o look on at travail h a s5tim5tal int]e/1 :i* wipes out ! agony4 ,b ,i :o saw = ! sake ( see+ "k1 9 all its horror1 ! agony ( *ildbir?4 ,i %all nev] =get ! great lac]ation ( life4 ,! night lamp 0 plac$ s t ! b$ 0 plung$ 9 %ad[4 ,i c\ld no long] see ! "m4 ,i no long] knew h]4 ,i believ$ 9 h]4 ,,*apt] ,,xi ,! woman :o _h be5 conf9$ 0 mov$ ) exquisite c>e into ! next room1 :i* %e _h occupi$ previ\sly4 ,x 0 l>g] & m com=table4 ,!y clean$ ! room f top to bottom1 & ,i saw ,anna & ,philip seat$ 9 ! room aga94 ,take c>e1 ,philip1 ,anna 0 say+1 y d n und]/& ! ,*ri/ian religion4 ,y really d n "k _/exactly_/ :at x is4 ,y speak ( x1 %e add$1 ) a smile1 z wom5 speak ( m51 or z m5 :5 !y try to expla9 wom54 ,its fundam5tal elem5t is love4 ,x is a cov5ant ( love betwe5 human be+s :o in/9ctively dete/ "o ano!r4 ,x is also a weal? ( love 9 our he>ts to :i* we respond naturally :5 we are little *ildr54 ,lat] all our t5d]ness is add$ to x bit by bit1 l treasure to treasure4 ,x is a law ( outp\r+ to :i* we give ourselves up1 & x is ! s\rce ( t outp\r+4 ,x is life1 x is almo/ a "w1 x is almo/ a human be+4 ,b1 my de> ,anna1 t is n ! ,*ri/ian religion4 ,t is y4 4 4 4 4 4 ,9 ! middle ( ! night1 ,i he>d talk+ ?r\gh ! p>tition4 ,i /ruggl$ ) my sleep9ess & got up4 ,! man 0 alone1 9 b$4 ,a lamp 0 burn+ dimly4 ,he 0 asleep & talk+ 9 8 sleep4 ,he smil$ & said ,no6 ?ree times ) gr[+ ec/asy4 ,!n 8 smile at ! vision he saw fad$ away4 ,= a mom5t 8 face rema9$ set1 z if he 7 wait+1 !n he look$ t]rifi$1 & 8 m\? op5$4 ,anna6 ,ah1 ah6--,ah1 ah6 he cri$ ?r\gh gap+ lips4 ,at ?is he awoke & roll$ 8 eyes4 ,he sigh$ & quiet$ d[n4 ,he sat up 9 b$1 /ill /ruck & t]rifi$ by :at _h pass$ ?r\gh 8 m9d a few seconds be=e4 ,he look$ r\nd at ev]y?+ to calm himself & bani% 8 nightm>e completely4 ,! famili> sight ( ! room1 ) ! lamp1 s wise & motionless1 en?ron$ 9 ! middle1 reassur$ him4 ,x 0 balm to ?is man :o _h j se5 :at does n exi/1 :o _h j smil$ at phantoms & t\*$ !m1 :o _h j be5 mad4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i rose ! next morn+1 all brok5 up4 ,i 0 re/less4 ,i _h a sev]e heada*e4 ,my eyes 7 blood%ot4 ,:5 ,i look$ at !m 9 ! mirror1 x 0 z if ,i saw !m ?r\gh a veil ( blood4 ,:5 ,i 0 alone1 free f ! visions & sc5es to :i* ,i devot$ my life1 all k9ds ( worries assail$ me--worry ab\t my position1 :i* ,i 0 risk+1 worry ab\t ! /eps ,i ought to be tak+ & yet 0 n tak+1 worry ov] myself t ,i 0 s int5t ^u ca/+ (f all my obligations & po/pon+ !m1 & repudiat+ my wage-e>n+ lot1 by :i* ,i 0 de/9$ to be held fa/ 9 ! sl[ :eelwork ( (fice r\t9e4 ,i 0 also worri$ by all k9ds ( m9uti1 annoy+ because !y kept cropp+ up e m9ute--n make any noise1 n light a light :5 ! ,room 0 d>k1 hide myself1 & hide myself all ! "t4 ,"o ev5+ ,i got a fit ( c\gh+ :ile li/5+ at ! hole4 ,i snat*$ up my pill[ & buri$ my head 9 x to keep ! s\nd f com+ out ( my m\?4 ,ev]y?+ seem$ to be 9 a league to av5ge itself ^u me = ,i did n "k :at4 ,i felt z ?\gh ,i %\ld n be able to hold out mu* long]4 ,nev]!less1 ,i made up my m9d to keep on look+ z long z my heal? & my c\rage la/$4 ,x might be bad = me1 b x 0 my duty4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! man 0 s9k+4 ,dea? 0 evid5tly 9 ! h\se4 ,x 0 q late 9 ! ev5+4 ,!y 7 sitt+ at ! table opposite ea* o!r4 ,i knew _! m>riage _h tak5 place t aft]noon1 & t its purpose _h be5 only to solemnise _! approa*+ f>ewell4 ,"s :ite blossoms1 lilies & azaleas1 7 /rewn on ! table1 ! mantelpiece1 & "o arm*air4 ,he 0 fad+ away l ^? cut fl[]s4 ,we are m>ri$1 he said4 ,y are my wife4 ,y are my wife1 ,anna6 ,x 0 = ! sweetness ( say+1 ,y are my wife1 t he _h s long$4 ,no?+ m4 ,b he felt s poor1 ) 8 few days ( life1 t x 0 complete happ9ess to him4 ,he look$ at h]1 & %e lift$ h] eyes to him--to him :o ador$ h] si/]ly t5d]ness--%e :o _h become devot$ to 8 adoration4 ,:at inf9ite emotion lay hidd5 9 ^! two sil5ces1 :i* fac$ ea* o!r 9 a k9d ( embrace2 9 ! d\ble sil5ce ( ^! two human be+s1 :o1 ,i _h obs]v$1 nev] t\*$ ea* o!r1 n ev5 ) ! tips ( _! f+]s4 ,! girl lift$ h] head1 & said1 9 an un/eady voice3 ,x is late4 ,i am go+ to sleep4 ,%e got up4 ,! lamp1 :i* %e set on ! mantelpiece1 lit up ! room4 ,%e trembl$4 ,%e seem$ to be 9 a dream & n to "k h[ to yield to ! dream4 ,!n %e rais$ h] arm & took ! p9s out ( h] hair4 ,x fell d[n h] back & look$1 9 ! night1 z if x 7 lit by ! sett+ sun4 ,! man made a sudd5 movem5t & look$ at h] 9 surprise4 ,n a ^w4 ,%e remov$ a gold broo* f ! top ( h] bl\se1 & a bit ( h] bosom appe>$4 ,:at are y do+1 ,anna1 :at are y do+8 ,:y1 undress+4 ,%e want$ to say ?is 9 a natural voice1 b _h n succe$$4 ,he repli$ ) an in>ticulate exclamation1 a cry f 8 he>t1 :i* 0 t\*$ to ! quick4 ,/upefaction1 desp]ate regret1 & also ! fla% ( an inconceivable hope agitat$ him1 oppress$ him4 ,y are my husb&4 ,oh1 he said1 y "k ,i am no?+4 ,he spoke feebly 9 a tragic tone4 ,m>ri$ = =m's sake1 he w5t on1 /amm]+ out fragm5t>y1 incoh]5t phrases4 ,i knew x1 ,i knew x--=mality--our conv5tions-- ,%e /opp$1 ) h] h& hesitat+ on h] bl\se l a fl[]1 & said3 ,y are my husb&4 ,x is y\r "r4 ,he made a fa9t ge/ure ( d5ial4 ,%e quickly correct$ h]self4 ,no1 no1 x is n y\r "r4 ,i want to d x4 ,i began to und]/& h[ k9d %e 0 try+ to be4 ,%e wi%$ to give ?is man1 ?is poor man :o 0 s9k+ at h] feet1 a rew>d t 0 wor?y ( h]4 ,%e want$ to be/[ ^u him ! gift ( ! sight ( h] body4 ,b ! ?+ 0 h>d] ?an ! m]e be/[al ( a gift4 ,x mu/ n look l ! m]e paym5t ( a debt4 ,he w\ld n h cons5t$ to t4 ,%e mu/ make him believe x 0 a volunt>y wifely act1 a will+ c>ess4 ,%e mu/ conceal h] suff]+ & repugnance l a vice4 ,feel+ ! difficulty ( giv+ ?is delicate %ade to h] sacrifice1 %e 0 afraid ( h]self4 ,no1 ,anna--de> ,anna--?9k-- ,he 0 go+ to say1 ,?9k ( ,mi*el1 b he did n h ! /r5g? at t mom5t to use ?is "o decisive argum5t1 & only murmur$1 ,y1 y6 ,i want to d x1 %e repeat$4 ,b ,i d n want y to4 ,no1 no4 ,he said ?is 9 a weak] voice n[1 ov]come by love4 ,?r\gh in/9ctive nobility1 he cov]$ 8 eyes ) 8 h&1 b gradually 8 h& surr5d]$ & dropp$4 ,%e cont9u$ to undress1 ) unc]ta9 movem5ts t %[$ %e h>dly knew :at %e 0 do+4 ,%e took (f h] black wai/1 & h] bu/ em]g$ l ! day4 ,:5 ! light %one on h] %e quiv]$ & cross$ h] %9+ arms ov] h] *e/4 ,!n %e />t$ to unhook ! belt ( h] skirt1 h] arms curv$1 h] r$d5$ face b5t d[n & h] lips tightly compress$1 z if %e _h no?+ 9 m9d b ! unhook+ ( h] skirt4 ,x dropp$ to ! gr\nd & %e /epp$ out ( x ) a s(t ru/le1 l ! s\nd ! w9d makes 9 a leafy g>d54 ,%e lean$ aga9/ ! mantelpiece4 ,h] movem5ts 7 l>ge1 maje/ic1 beautiful1 yet da9ty & fem99e4 ,%e pull$ (f h] /ock+s4 ,h] legs 7 r\nd & l>ge & smoo? z 9 a /atue ( ,mi*ael ,angelo's4 ,%e %iv]$ & /opp$1 ov]come by repugnance4 ,i feel a little cold1 %e said 9 explanation & w5t on undress+1 reveal+ h] great mode/y 9 violat+ x4 ,holy ,virg96 ! man brea!d 9 a :isp]1 s z n to fright5 h]4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i h nev] se5 a woman s radiantly beautiful4 ,i _h nev] dream$ ( beauty l x4 ,! v fir/ day1 h] face _h /ruck me by its regul>ity & unusual *>m1 & h] tall figure--tall] ?an myself-- _h seem$ opul5t1 yet delicate1 b ,i _h nev] believ$ 9 su* spl5did p]fection ( =m4 ,9 h] sup]human proportions %e 0 l "s ,eve 9 gr& religi\s frescoes4 ,big1 s(t & supple1 broad-%\ld]$1 ) a full beautiful bosom1 small feet1 & tap]+ limbs4 ,9 a dreamy voice1 go+ /ill fur!r 9 ! be/[al ( h] supreme gift1 %e said3 ,no "o--%e /ress$ ^! words ) an emphasis am\nt+ to ! m5tion ( a c]ta9 "n--_/no "o_/--li/5--no "o1 no matt] :at happ5s1 w ev] "k :at ,i h j done4 ,& n[ %e1 ! giv] ( a gift1 knelt--knelt to h] ador] :o 0 pro/rat$ be=e h] l a victim4 ,h] %9+ knees t\*$ ! *eap common c>pet4 ,h] *a/ity clo!d h] l a beautiful g>m5t4 ,%e murmur$ brok5 words ( gratitude1 z ?\gh %e felt t :at %e 0 do+ 0 high] ?an h] duty & m beautiful1 & t x glorifi$ h]4 4 4 4 4 4 ,aft] %e dress$ & left ! room )\t _! hav+ d>$ to say any?+ to ea* o!r1 ,i wav]$ betwe5 two d\bts4 ,0 %e "r1 or 0 %e wrong8 ,i saw ! man cry & ,i he>d him mutt]3 ,n[ ,i %all n be able to die4 ,,*apt] ,,xii ,! man 0 ly+ 9 b$4 ,!y mov$ ab\t him c>efully4 ,he /irr$ fa9tly1 said a few words1 ask$ = a dr9k1 smil$ & !n became sil5t "u ! ru% ( ?\ghts4 ,t morn+ !y _h se5 him fold 8 h&s1 & !y _h ask$ him :e!r he want$ !m to s5d = a prie/4 ,yes--no1 he said4 ,!y w5t out1 & a few m9utes lat]1 z if he _h be5 wait+ outside ! door1 a d>k-rob$ prie/ ent]$4 ,! two 7 left alone toge!r4 ,! dy+ man turn$ 8 face t[>d ! newcom]4 ,i am go+ to die1 he said4 ,:at is y\r religion8 ask$ ! prie/4 ,! religion ( my own c\ntry1 ! ,greek ,or?odox ,*ur*4 ,t is a h]esy :i* y mu/ in/antly abjure4 ,!re is only "o true religion1 ! ,roman ,ca?olic religion4 ,confess n[4 ,i w absolve y & baptise y4 ,! o!r did n reply4 ,tell me :at s9s y h committ$4 ,y w rep5t & ev]y?+ w be =giv5 y4 ,my s9s8 ,try to rememb]4 ,%all ,i help y8 ,he nodd$ t[>d ! door4 ,:o is t p]son8 ,my--wife1 said ! man ) slight hesitation1 :i* did n escape ! prie/1 :o 0 lean+ ov] him ) e>s prick$4 ,he smelt a rat4 ,h[ long has %e be5 y\r wife8 ,two days4 ,oh1 two days6 ,n[ ,i h /ruck x4 ,& be=e t1 y s9n$ ) h]8 ,no1 said ! man4 ,! prie/ 0 put out ( c\nt5ance4 ,well1 ,i suppose y are n ly+4 ,:y didn't y s98 ,x is unnatural4 ,aft] all1 he insi/$1 y are a man4 ,! sick man 0 bewild]$ & began to get excit$4 ,see+ ?is1 ! prie/ said3 ,d n be surpris$1 my son1 if my que/ions are direct & to ! po9t4 ,i ask y 9 all simplicity1 z is my augu/ duty z a prie/4 ,answ] me 9 ! same simple _s1 & y w ent] into communion ) ,god1 he add$1 n )\t k9dness4 ,%e is a "y girl1 said ! old man4 ,i took h] "u my protection :5 %e 0 q a *ild4 ,%e %>$ ! h>d%ips ( my travell]'s life1 & took c>e ( me4 ,i m>ri$ h] be=e my dea? because ,i am ri* & %e is poor4 ,0 t ! only reason--no o!r reason at all8 ,he fix$ 8 look se>*+ly on ! dy+ man's face1 !n said1 ,eh8 smil+ & w9k+ an eye1 almo/ l an accomplice4 ,i love h]1 said ! man4 ,at la/1 y are confess+6 cri$ ! prie/4 ,he buri$ 8 eyes 9 ! eyes ( ! dy+ man4 ,! ?+s he said fairly hit him z he lay !re4 ,s y desir$ ?is woman1 ! fle% ( ?is woman1 & = a long "t committ$ a s9 9 _s8 ,didn't y8 ,eh8 ,tell me1 :5 y 7 travell+ toge!r1 h[ did y arrange = rooms & b$s 9 ! hotels8 ,y say %e took c>e ( y8 ,:at did %e h to d = y8 ,! two m5 scann$ ea* o!r's faces ke5ly1 & ,i saw ! misund]/&+ betwe5 !m gr[+4 ,! dy+ man )drew into himself & became h>d5$1 incr$ul\s be=e ?is /rang]1 ) ! vulg> appe>ance1 9 ^: m\? ! words ( ,god & tru? assum$ a grotesque aspect4 ,h[ev]1 he made an ef=t3 ,if ,i h s9n$ 9 _s1 to use y\r words1 he said1 x proves t ,i h n s9n$ 9 reality1 & :y %\ld ,i rep5t ( :at 0 suff]+ pure & simple8 ,no !ories n[4 ,we are n "h = !oris+4 ,i tell y1 a s9 committ$ 9 _s is committ$ 9 int5tion1 & !re=e 9 effect1 & mu/ be confess$ & r$eem$4 ,tell me h[ (t5 y succumb$ to guilty ?\ghts4 ,give me details4 ,b ,i resi/$1 moan$ ! un=tunate man4 ,t is all ,i h to say4 ,t is n en\gh4 ,! /a9--y are n[ conv9c$1 ,i presume1 ( ! ju/ice ( ! t]m--! /a9 ought to be wa%$ out by ! tru?4 ,v well1 said ! dy+ man4 ,i confess ,i h committ$ ! s91 & ,i rep5t ( x4 ,t is n a confession1 & is none ( my bus9ess1 retort$ ! prie/4 ,n[ tell me1 "u exactly :at circum/ances did y yield to temptation ) t p]son1 to ! sugge/ions ( ! evil _s8 ,! man 0 swept by a wave ( rebellion4 ,he half rose & lean$ on 8 elb[1 gl>+ at ! /rang]1 :o return$ 8 look /eadily4 ,:y h ,i ! evil _s 9 me8 he dem&$4 ,y are n ! only "o4 ,all m5 h x4 ,!n x is ,god :o put x into !m1 s9ce x is ,god :o made !m4 ,ah1 y are a debat]6 ,well1 if x gives y pleasure1 ,i w answ] y4 ,man has bo? ! _s ( good & ! _s ( evil 9 him1 t is to say1 ! possibility ( do+ ! "o or ! o!r4 ,if he succumbs to evil1 he is damn$4 ,if he triumphs ov] x1 he is rew>d$4 ,to be sav$1 he mu/ e>n salvation by /ruggl+ ) all 8 p[]s4 ,:at p[]s8 ,virtue & fai?4 ,& if he does n h en\gh virtue & fai?1 is t 8 fault8 ,yes1 because t comes f 8 hav+ too mu* iniquity & bl9dness 9 8 s\l4 ,! man sat up aga91 seiz$ by a new fit ( ang] :i* consum$ him l a fev]4 ,ah1 he said1 orig9al s96 ,!re's no?+ t c excuse ! suff]+ ( good p on e>?4 ,x is an abom9ation4 ,! prie/ look$ at ! rebelli\s man blankly4 ,h[ else c\ld s\ls be tri$8 he said q calmly4 ,no?+ c excuse ! suff]+ ( ! good4 ,god's designs are inscrutable4 ,! dy+ man flung out 8 emaciat$ arms4 ,8 eyes became holl[4 ,y are a li>6 ,en\gh1 said ! prie/4 ,i h li/5$ pati5tly to y\r rambl+s & feel sorry = y4 ,b !re's no good argu+4 ,y mu/ prep>e to appe> be=e ,god1 f :om y seem to h liv$ ap>t4 ,if y h suff]$1 y w be consol$ 9 ,8 bosom4 ,let t suffice = y4 ,! invalid fell back & lay /ill = a :ile4 ,he rema9$ motionless "u ! :ite spread1 l a recl9+ sepul*ral /atue ( m>ble ) a face ( bronze4 ,he rega9$ 8 voice4 ,god _c console me4 ,my son1 my son1 :at are y say+8 ,god _c console me1 because ,he _c give me :at ,i want4 ,ah1 my poor *ild1 h[ f> gone y are 9 y\r bl9dness6 ,:y did y h me summon$8 ,i _h hopes1 ,i _h hopes4 ,hopes8 ,hopes ( :at8 ,i d n "k4 ,! ?+s we hope = are always ! ?+s we d n "k4 ,8 h&s wav]$ 9 ! air1 !n fell d[n aga94 ,"t is pass+1 said ! prie/ & began all ov] aga94 ,tell me ! circum/ances ( y\r s94 ,tell me4 ,:5 y 7 alone ) ?is p]son1 :5 y two 7 close toge!r1 did y talk to ea* o!r1 or did y keep quiet8 ,i d n believe 9 y1 said ! man4 ,! prie/ fr[n$4 ,rep5t1 & tell me t y believe 9 ! ,ca?olic religion1 :i* w save y4 ,b ! o!r man %ook 8 head 9 utt] angui% & d5i$ all 8 happ9ess4 ,religion-- he began4 ,! prie/ int]rupt$ brutally4 ,y are n go+ to />t ov] aga96 ,keep quiet4 ,all y\r argum5ts are wor?less4 ,beg9 by _/believ+_/ 9 religion & !n y w see :at x means4 ,i h come to =ce y to believe4 ,x 0 a duel to ! end4 ,! two m5 at ! edge ( ! grave gl>$ at ea* o!r l enemies4 ,y mu/ believe4 ,i d n believe4 ,y mu/4 ,y w\ld make tru? diff]5t f :at x is by ?reats4 ,yes4 ,he /ress$ ! cle>1 elem5t>y comm&4 ,:e!r y are conv9c$ or n1 believe4 ,evid5ce does n c\nt4 ,! "o important ?+ is fai?4 ,god does n deign to conv9ce ! incr$ul\s4 ,^! are no long] ! days ( miracles4 ,! only miracle is 9 our he>ts1 & x is fai?4 ,believe6 ,he hurl$ ! same ^w ceaselessly1 l /ones4 ,my son1 he cont9u$1 m solemnly1 /&+ up1 ) 8 l>ge fat h& uplift$1 ,i exact ( y an act ( fai?4 ,get out6 said ! man1 ) hatr$4 ,b ! prie/ did n /ir4 ,goad$ by ! urg5ce ( ! case1 impell$ by ! necessity ( sav+ ?is s\l 9 spite ( itself1 he became implacable4 ,y are go+ to die1 he said1 y are go+ to die4 ,y h only a few m m9utes to live4 ,submit4 ,no1 said ! man4 ,! black-rob$ prie/ caught hold ( bo? 8 h&s4 ,submit4 ,no discussion4 ,y are los+ preci\s "t4 ,all y\r reason+ is ( no acc\nt4 ,we are alone1 y & ,i be=e ,god4 ,he %ook 8 head ) ! l[ bulg+ =ehead1 ! prom95t fle%y nose1 wide moi/ no/rils d>k ) snuff1 ?9 yell[ lips l tw9e tight across two project+ tee? t %[$ by !mselves 9 ! d>kness4 ,!re 7 l9es on 8 =ehead & betwe5 8 eyebr[s & ar\nd 8 m\?4 ,8 *eeks & *9 7 cov]$ ) a grey lay]4 ,i repres5t ,god1 he said4 ,y are 9 my pres5ce z if y 7 9 ! pres5ce ( ,god4 ,simply say ',i believe1' & ,i w absolve y4 ',i believe1' t is all4 ,! re/ makes no diff]5ce to me4 ,he b5t l[] & l[]1 almo/ glu+ 8 face to t ( ! dy+ man1 try+ to plant 8 absolution l a bl[4 ,simply say ) me1 ',our ,fa!r1 :o art 9 heav54' ,i d n ask y to d any?+ else4 ,! sick man's face contract$4 ,no--no6 ,sudd5ly ! prie/ rose ) a triumphant air4 ,at la/6 ,y h said x4 ,no4 ,ah6 mutt]$ ! prie/ betwe5 8 tee?4 ,he twi/$ ! man's h&s 9 84 ,y felt he w\ld h put 8 arms ar\nd him to /ifle him1 assass9ate him if 8 dea? rattle w\ld h br\ght a confession--s possess$ 0 he ) ! desire to p]suade him1 to snat* f him ! words he _h come to seek on 8 lips4 ,he let ! )]$ h&s g1 pac$ ! room l a wild bea/1 !n came back & /ation$ himself 9 front ( ! b$ aga94 ,rememb]--y are go+ to die1 he /amm]$ to ! mis]able man4 ,y w soon be 9 ! e>?4 ,say1 ',our ,fa!r1' j ^! two words1 no?+ else4 ,he hung ov] him ) 8 eyes on 8 m\?1 8 d>k1 cr\*+ figure l a demon ly+ 9 wait = a s\l1 l ! :ole ,*ur* ov] dy+ humanity4 ,say x6 ,say x6 ,say x6 ,! sick man tri$ to wre/ himself free4 ,!re 0 a rattle ( fury 9 8 ?roat4 ,) ! remnant ( 8 voice1 9 a l[ tone1 he gasp$3 ,no6 ,sc\ndrel6 cri$ ! prie/4 ,& he /ruck him 9 ! face4 ,aft] t nei!r man made a move = a :ile4 ,!n ! prie/ w5t at x aga94 ,at lea/ y w die hold+ a crucifix1 he sn>l$4 ,he drew a crucifix f 8 pocket1 & put x d[n h>d on 8 brea/4 ,! o!r man %ook himself 9 a dull horror1 z if religion 7 contagi\s1 & ?rew ! crucifix on ! floor4 ,! prie/ /oop$1 mumbl+ insults4 ,c>rion1 y want to die l a dog1 b ,i am "h6 ,he pick$ up ! crucifix1 & ) a gleam 9 8 eyes1 sure ( cru%+ him1 wait$ = 8 f9al *ance4 ,! dy+ man pant$1 completely at ! end ( 8 /r5g?4 ,! prie/1 see+ him 9 8 p[]1 laid ! crucifix on 8 brea/ aga94 ,?is "t ! o!r man let x /ay !re1 unable to d any?+ b look at x ) eyes ( hatr$4 ,b 8 eyes did n make x fall4 4 4 4 4 4 ,:5 ! black man _h gone out into ! night1 & ! pati5t little by little recov]$ f ! /ruggle & felt free once m1 x occurr$ to me t ! prie/ 9 8 viol5ce & co>s5ess 0 horribly "r4 ,a bad prie/8 ,no1 a good prie/1 :o spoke /rictly accord+ to 8 consci5ce & belief1 & tri$ to apply 8 religion simply1 su* z x 01 )\t hypocritical concessions4 ,ignorant1 clumsy1 gross--yes1 b hone/ & logical ev5 9 8 fe>ful attempt4 ,9 ! half-h\r t ,i _h li/5$ to him1 he _h tri$ by all ! means t religion uses & recomm5ds to foll[ 8 call+ ( mak+ conv]ts & giv+ absolution4 ,he _h said ev]y?+ t a prie/ _c help say+4 ,e dogma _h come out cle>ly & def9itely f ! m\? ( ?is r\gh1 common hew] ( wood & draw] ( wat] = 8 religion4 ,if ! sick man 0 "r1 s 0 ! prie/4 4 4 4 4 4 ,:at 0 t ?+ ne> ! b$1 t ?+ :i* loom$ s high & did n /ir & _h n be5 !re a mom5t be=e8 ,x /ood betwe5 me & ! leap+ flame ( ! c&le plac$ ne> ! sick man4 ,i accid5tally made a little noise 9 lean+ aga9/ ! wall1 & v sl[ly ! ?+ turn$ a face t[>d me ) a fright5$ look on x t fright5$ me4 ,i knew t head4 ,0 x n ! l&lord himself1 a man ) peculi> ways1 :om we seldom saw8 ,he _h be5 walk+ up & d[n ! hall1 wait+ = ! sick man to be left alone4 ,& n[ he 0 /&+ beside him z he lay 9 b$ ei!r asleep or helpless f weakness4 ,he /ret*$ 8 h& out t[>d a bag4 ,9 do+ s1 he kept 8 eyes on ! dy+ man1 s t 8 h& miss$ ! bag twice4 ,!re 0 a creak+ on ! floor above1 & bo? ! man & ,i trembl$4 ,a door slamm$4 ,he rose z if to keep back an exclamation4 ,he op5$ ! bag sl[ly1 & ,i1 no long] myself1 ,i 0 afraid t he w\ld n h "t4 ,he drew a package out ( ! bag4 ,x made a slight s\nd4 ,:5 he saw ! roll ( banknotes 9 8 h&1 ,i obs]v$ ! extraord9>y gleam on 8 face4 ,all ! s5tim5ts ( love 7 !re1 adoration1 my/icism1 & also brutal love1 a sort ( sup]natural ec/asy & ! gross satisfaction t 0 already ta/+ imm$iate joys4 ,yes1 all ! loves impress$ !mselves = a mom5t on ! pr(\nd humanity ( ?is ?ief's face4 ,"s "o 0 wait+ = him beh9d ! half-op5 door4 ,i saw an arm beckon+ to him4 ,he w5t out on tiptoe1 fir/ sl[ly1 !n quickly4 ,i am an hone/ man1 & yet ,i held my brea? along ) him4 ,i _/und]/ood_/ him4 ,!re is no use f9d+ excuses = myself4 ,) a horror & a joy ak9 to 81 ,i 0 an accomplice 9 8 robb]y4 ,all !fts are induc$ by passion1 ev5 t "o1 :i* 0 c[>dly & vulg>4 ,oh1 8 look ( inext+ui%able love = ! treasure sudd5ly snat*$ up4 ,all (f5ces1 all crimes are outrages accompli%$ 9 ! image ( ! imm5se desire = !ft1 :i* is ! v ess5ce & =m ( our nak$ s\l4 ,does t mean t we mu/ absolve crim9als1 & t puni%m5t is an inju/ice8 ,no1 we mu/ protect ourselves4 ,s9ce society re/s ^u hone/y1 we mu/ puni% crim9als to r$uce !m to impot5ce1 & above all to /rike !m ) t]ror1 & halt o!rs on ! ?re%old ( evil de$s4 ,b once ! crime is e/abli%$1 we mu/ n look = excuses = x4 ,we run ! dang] !n ( always f9d+ excuses4 ,we mu/ condemn x 9 advance1 by virtue ( a cold pr9ciple4 ,ju/ice %\ld be z cold z /eel4 ,b ju/ice is n a virtue1 z its "n seems to indicate4 ,x is an organisation ! virtue ( :i* is to be feel+less4 ,x does n aim at expiation4 ,its function is to e/abli% w>n+ examples1 to make ( ! crim9al a ?+ to fright5 (f o!rs4 ,nobody1 no?+ has ! "r to exact expiation4 ,besides1 no "o c exact x4 ,v5geance is too remote f ! act & falls1 s to speak1 ^u ano!r p]son4 ,expiation1 !n1 is a ^w t has no application 9 ! _w4 ,,*apt] ,,xiii ,he 0 v1 v weak & lay absolutely /ill & sil5t1 *a9$ fa/ by ! baleful weight ( 8 fle%4 ,dea? _h already put an end to ev5 8 fa9te/ quiv]+s4 ,8 wond]ful companion sat exactly :]e 8 fix$ eyes fell on h]1 at ! foot ( ! b$4 ,%e held h] arms re/+ on ! base bo>d ( ! b$ ) h] beautiful h&s droop+4 ,h] pr(ile slop$ d[nw>d slightly1 t f9e design1 t delicate et*+ ( et]nal sweetness ^u ! g5tle backgr\nd ( ! ev5+4 ,"u ! da9ty ar* ( h] eyebr[s h] l>ge eyes swam cle> & pure1 m9iature skies4 ,! exquisite sk9 ( h] *eeks & =ehead gleam$ fa9tly1 & h] luxuriant hair1 :i* ,i _h se5 fl[+1 gracefully encircl$ h] br[1 :]e h] ?\ghts dwelt invisible z ,god4 ,%e 0 alone ) ! man :o lay !re z if already 9 8 grave--%e :o _h wi%$ to cl+ to him by a ?rill & to be 8 *a/e wid[ :5 he di$4 ,he & ,i saw no?+ on e>? except h] face4 ,& 9 tru?1 !re 0 no?+ else to be se5 9 ! deep %ad[s ( ! ev5+4 ,a voice came f ! b$4 ,i sc>cely recognis$ x4 ,i hav5't said ev]y?+ yet t ,i want to say1 said ! voice4 ,anna b5t ov] ! b$ z if x 7 ! edge ( a c(f9 to cat* ! words t 7 to issue = ! la/ "t1 no d\bt1 f ! motionless & almo/ =mless body4 ,%all ,i h ! "t8 ,%all ,i8 ,x 0 difficult to cat* ! :isp]1 :i* almo/ /uck 9 8 ?roat4 ,!n 8 voice accu/om$ itself to exi/5ce aga9 & became di/9ct4 ,i %\ld l to make a confession to y1 ,anna4 ,i d n want ?is ?+ to die ) me4 ,i am sorry to let ?is memory be snuff$ out4 ,i am sorry = x4 ,i hope x w nev] die4 ,i lov$ once be=e ,i lov$ y4 ,yes1 ,i lov$ ! girl4 ,! image ,i h left ( h] is a sad1 g5tle "o4 ,i %\ld l to snat* x f dea?4 ,i am giv+ x to y because y happ5 to be "h4 ,he ga!r$ himself toge!r to h a cle> vision ( ! woman ( :om he 0 speak+4 ,%e 0 fair-hair$ & fair-sk9n$1 he said4 ,y ne$n't be jeal\s1 ,anna4 7,p are jeal\s sometimes ev5 :5 !y are n 9 love47 ,x 0 a few ye>s aft] y 7 born4 ,y 7 a little *ild !n1 & nobody turn$ to look at y on ! /reets except ! mo!rs4 ,we 7 engag$ 9 ! ance/ral p>k ( h] p>5ts4 ,%e _h bright curls ti$ ) ribbons4 ,i pranc$ on horseback = h]4 ,%e smil$ = me4 ,i 0 "y & /rong !n1 full ( hope & full ( ! beg9n+ ( ?+s4 ,i ?\ght ,i 0 go+ to conqu] ! _w1 & ev5 _h ! *oice ( ! means to conqu] x4 ,alas1 all ,i did 0 to cross ha/ily ov] its surface4 ,%e 0 y\ng] ?an ,i1 a bud s rec5tly1 bl[n1 t "o day1 ,i rememb]1 ,i saw h] doll ly+ on ! b5* t we 7 sitt+ on4 ,we us$ to say to ea* o!r1 ',we %all come back to ?is p>k :5 we are old1 %all we n8' ,we lov$ ea* o!r--y und]/&--,i h no "t to tell y1 b y und]/&1 ,anna1 t ^! few relics ( memory t ,i give y at r&om are beautiful1 incr$ibly beautiful4 ,%e di$ ! v day 9 spr+ :5 ! date ( our w$d+ 0 set4 ,we 7 bo? tak5 sick ) a disease t 0 epidemic t ye> 9 our c\ntry1 & %e did n h ! /r5g? to escape ! mon/]4 ,t 0 tw5ty-five ye>s ago4 ,tw5ty-five ye>s1 ,anna1 betwe5 h] dea? & m9e4 ,& n[ "h is ! mo/ preci\s secret1 h] "n4 ,he :isp]$ x4 ,i did n cat* x4 ,say x ov] aga91 ,anna4 ,%e repeat$ x1 vague syllables :i* ,i caught )\t be+ able to unite !m into a ^w4 ,i confide ! "n to y because y are "h4 ,if y 7 n "h1 ,i %\ld tell x to anyone1 no matt] :om1 provid$ t w\ld save x4 ,he add$ 9 an ev51 measur$ voice1 to make x hold out until ! end3 ,i h some?+ else to confess1 a wrong & a mis=tune4 ,didn't y confess x to ! prie/8 %e ask$ 9 surprise4 ,i h>dly told him any?+1 0 all he repli$4 ,& he resum$1 speak+ calmly1 ) 8 full voice3 ,i wrote poems dur+ our engagem5t1 poems ab\t ourselves4 ,! manuscript 0 nam$ aft] h]4 ,we read ! poems toge!r1 & we bo? lik$ & admir$ !m4 ',beautiful1 beautiful6' %e w\ld say1 clapp+ h] h&s1 :5ev] ,i %[$ h] a new poem4 ,& :5 we 7 toge!r1 ! manuscript 0 always ) u--! mo/ beautiful book t _h ev] be5 writt51 we ?\ght4 ,%e did n want ! poems to be publi%$ & get away f u4 ,"o day 9 ! g>d5 %e told me :at %e want$4 ',nev]6 ,nev]6' %e said ov] & ov] aga91 l an ob/9ate1 rebelli\s *ild1 toss+ h] da9ty head ) its danc+ hair4 ,! man's voice became at once sur] & m tremul\s1 z he fill$ 9 & enliv5$ c]ta9 details 9 ! old /ory4 ,ano!r "t1 9 ! cons]vatory1 :5 x _h be5 ra9+ monoton\sly s9ce morn+1 %e ask$1 ',philip'--%e us$ to pron\nce my "n j ! way y d4 ,he paus$1 himself surpris$ by ! primitive simplicity ( :at he _h j express$4 ',d y "k1' %e ask$1 '! /ory ( ! ,engli% pa9t] ,rossetti8' & %e told me ! episode1 :i* _h s vividly impress$ h]1 h[ ,rossetti _h promis$ ! lady he lov$ to let h] keep =ev] ! manuscript ( ! book he _h writt5 = h]1 & if %e di$1 to lay x beside h] 9 h] c(f94 ,%e di$1 & he actually c>ri$ out 8 promise & buri$ ! manuscript ) h]4 ,b lat]1 bitt5 by ! love ( glory1 he violat$ 8 promise & ! tomb4 ',y w let me h y\r book if ,i die be=e y1 & w n take x back1 w y1 ,philip8' ,& ,i promis$ laugh+ly1 & %e laugh$ too4 ,i recov]$ f my illness sl[ly4 ,:5 ,i 0 /rong en\gh1 !y told me t %e _h di$4 ,:5 ,i 0 able to g out1 !y took me to ! tomb1 ! va/ family sepul*re :i* some:]e hid h] new little c(f94 ,!re's no use my tell+ y h[ mis]able ,i 0 & h[ ,i griev$ = h]4 ,ev]y?+ rem9d$ me ( h]4 ,i 0 full ( h]1 & yet %e 0 no m6 ,z ,i recov]$ f ! illness1 dur+ :i* my memory _h fad$1 ea* detail br\ght me a recollection4 ,my grief 0 a fe>ful reawak5+ ( my love4 ,! sight ( ! manuscript br\ght my promise back to me4 ,i put x 9 a box )\t read+ x aga91 al?\gh ,i _h =gott5 x1 ?+s hav+ be5 blott$ out ( my m9d dur+ my convalesc5ce4 ,i _h ! slab remov$ & ! c(f9 op5$1 & a s]vant put ! book 9 h] h&s4 ,i liv$4 ,i work$4 ,i tri$ to write a book4 ,i wrote dramas & poems4 ,b no?+ satisfi$ me1 & gradually ,i came to want our book back4 ,i knew x 0 beautiful & s9c]e & vibrant ) ! two he>ts t _h giv5 !mselves to ea* o!r4 ,!n1 l a c[>d1 ?ree ye>s aft]w>d1 ,i tri$ to re-write x--to %[ x to ! _w4 ,anna1 y mu/ h pity on u all6 ,b ,i mu/ say x 0 n only ! desire = glory & praise1 z 9 ! case ( ! ,engli% arti/1 :i* impell$ me to close my e>s to ! sweet1 g5tle voice out ( ! pa/1 s /rong 9 its p[]lessness1 ',y w n take x back f me1 w y1 ,philip8' ,x 0 n only = ! sake ( %[+ (f 9 a book ( great beauty4 ,x 0 also to refre% my memory1 = all our love 0 9 t book4 ,i did n succe$ 9 recon/ruct+ ! poems4 ,! weak5+ ( my faculties soon aft] !y 7 writt51 ! ?ree ye>s aft]w>d dur+ :i* ,i made a dev\t ef=t n to revive ! poems ev5 9 ?\ght1 s9ce !y 7 n to keep on liv+--all ?is _h actually wip$ ! book out ( my m9d4 ,x 0 ) difficulty t ,i recall$-- & !n only by *ance--! m]e titles ( "s ( ! poems1 or a few ( ! v]ses4 ,( "s p>ts1 all ,i reta9$ 0 j a confus$ e*o4 ,i ne$$ ! manuscript itself1 :i* 0 9 ! tomb4 ,"o night1 ,i felt myself go+ !re4 ,i felt myself go+ !re aft] p]iods ( hesitation & inw>d /ruggles :i* x is useless to tell y ab\t because ! /ruggles !mselves 7 useless4 ,i ?\ght ( ! o!r man1 ( ! ,engli%man1 ( my bro!r 9 mis]y & crime z ,i walk$ along ! l5g? ( ! cemet]y wall :ile ! w9d froze my legs4 ,i kept say+ to myself x 0 n ! same ?+1 & ?is insane assurance 0 en\gh to make me keep on4 ,i ask$ myself if ,i %\ld take a light4 ,) a light x w\ld be quick4 ,i %\ld see ! box at once & %\ld n h to t\* any?+ else--b !n ,i %\ld see _/ev]y?+6_/ ,i pref]r$ to grope 9 ! d>k4 ,i _h rubb$ a h&k]*ief spr9kl$ ) p]fume ov] my face1 & ,i %all nev] =get ! deception ( ?is od\r4 ,= an in/ant1 9 ! /upefaction ( my t]ror1 ,i did n recognise ! fir/ ?+ ,i t\*$--h] necklace--,i saw x aga9 on h] liv+ body4 ,! box6 ,! corpse gave x to me ) a squa%+ s\nd4 ,some?+ graz$ me fa9tly4 ,i _h meant to tell y only a few ?+s1 ,anna4 ,i ?\ght ,i %\ld n h "t to tell y h[ ev]y?+ happ5$4 ,b x is bett] s1 bett] = me t y %\ld "k all4 ,life1 :i* has be5 s cruel to me1 is k9d at ?is mom5t :5 y are li/5+1 y :o w live4 ,& my desire to express :at ,i felt1 to revive ! pa/1 :i* made ( me a be+ accurs$ dur+ ! days ,i am tell+ y ab\t1 is a b5efit ?is ev5+ :i* passes f me to y1 & f y to me4 ,! "y woman 0 b5d+ t[>d him att5tively4 ,%e 0 motionless & sil5t4 ,:at c\ld %e h said1 :at c\ld %e h done1 t w\ld h be5 sweet] ?an h] sil5t att5tion8 ,! re/ ( ! night ,i read ! /ol5 manuscript4 ,0 x n ! only way to =get h] dea? & ?9k ( h] life8 ,i soon saw t ! poems 7 n :at ,i _h ?\ght !m to be4 ,!y game me a gr[+ impression ( be+ confus$ & mu* too l5g?y4 ,! book s long ador$ 0 no bett] ?an :at ,i _h done aft]w>ds4 ,i recall$1 /ep by /ep1 ! backgr\nd1 ! occasion1 ! vani%$ ge/ure t _h inspir$ ^! v]ses1 & 9 spite ( _! resurrection1 ,i f\nd !m und5iably commonplace & extravagant4 ,an icy despair gripp$ me1 z ,i b5t my head ov] ^! rema9s ( song4 ,_! soj\rn 9 ! tomb seem$ to h de=m$ & cru%$ ! life out ( my v]ses4 ,!y 7 z mis]able z ! wa/$ h& f :i* ,i _h tak5 !m4 ,!y _h be5 s sweet6 ',beautiful1 beautiful6' ! happy little voice _h cri$ s _m times :ile %e clasp$ h] h&s 9 admiration4 ,x 0 because h] voice & ! poems _h be5 vibrat+ ) life & because ! ard\r & delirium ( our love _h adorn$ my rhymes ) all _! *>ms1 t !y seem$ s beautiful4 ,b all t 0 pa/1 & 9 reality our love 0 no m4 ,x 0 oblivion t ,i read at ! same "t z ,i read my book4 ,yes1 dea? _h be5 contagi\s4 ,my v]ses _h rema9$ !re too long1 sleep+ d[n bel[ !re 9 awful peace--9 ! sepul*re into :i* ,i %\ld nev] h d>$ to ent] if love _h /ill be5 alive4 ,%e 0 inde$ dead4 ,i ?\ght ( :at a useless & sacrilegi\s ?+ ,i _h done & h[ useless & sacrilegi\s ev]y?+ is t we promise & swe> to "h bel[4 ,%e 0 inde$ dead4 ,h[ ,i cri$ t night4 ,x 0 my true night ( m\rn+4 ,:5 y h j lo/ a belov$ !re is a wret*$ mom5t1 aft] ! brutal %ock1 :5 y beg9 to und]/& t all is ov]1 & blank despair surr\nds y & looms l a giant4 ,t night 0 a mom5t ( su* despair :5 ,i 0 "u ! sway ( my crime & ! dis5*antm5t ( my poems1 great] ?an ! crime1 great] ?an ev]y?+4 ,i saw h] aga94 ,h[ pretty %e 01 ) h] bright1 lively ways1 h] animat$ *>m1 h] rippl+ laugh1 ! endless numb] ( que/ions %e 0 always ask+4 ,i saw h] aga9 9 ! sunlight on ! bright lawn4 ,%e 0 we>+ a dress ( old rose sat91 & %e b5t ov] & smoo!d ! s(t folds ( h] skirt & look$ at h] little feet4 7,ne> u 0 ! :it5ess ( a /atue47 ,i rememb]$ h[ once ,i _h = fun tri$ to f9d a s+le flaw 9 h] complexion4 ,n a spot on =ehead1 *eek1 *9--any:]e4 ,h] sk9 0 z smoo? z if x _h be5 poli%$4 ,i felt z ?\gh t exquisite delicate face 7 some?+ ev] 9 flight t _h paus$ = an in/ant = my sake1 & ,i /amm]$1 almo/ ) te>s 9 my voice1 ',x is too mu*6 ,x is too mu*6' ,ev]ybody look$ on h] z a pr9cess4 ,9 ! /reets ( ! t[n ! %opkeep]s 7 glad to see h] pass by4 ,did %e n h a que5ly air z %e sat half-recl9+ on ! great c>v$ /one b5* 9 ! p>k1 t great /one b5* :i* 0 n[ a k9d ( empty tomb8 ,= a mom5t 9 ! mid/ ( "t ,i knew h[ mu* ,i _h lov$ h]1 %e :o _h be5 alive & :o 0 dead1 :o _h be5 ! sun & :o 0 n[ a k9d ( obscure spr+ "u ! e>?4 ,& ,i also m\rn$ ! human he>t4 ,t night ,i und]/ood ! extremes ( :at ,i _h felt4 ,!n ! inevitable =getfulness came1 ! "t came :5 x did n sadd5 me to rememb] t ,i _h m\rn$4 4 4 4 4 4 ,t is ! confession ,i want$ to make to y1 ,anna4 ,i want$ ?is /ory ( love1 :i* is a qu>t] ( a c5tury old1 nev] to end4 ,x 0 s real & ?rill+1 x 0 su* a big ?+1 t ,i told x to y 9 all simplicity1 to y :o w survive4 ,aft] t ,i came to love y & ,i d love y4 ,i (f] to y z to a sov]eign ! image ( ! little creature :o w always be sev5te54 ,he sigh$4 ,:at he said prov$ to me once m ! inadequacy ( religion to com=t ! human he>t4 ,n[ ,i adore y & y alone--,i :o ador$ h]1 ,i :om %e ador$4 ,h[ c !re possibly be a p>adise :]e "o w\ld f9d happ9ess aga98 ,8 voice rose1 8 in]t arms trembl$4 ,he came out ( 8 pr(\nd immobility = a mom5t4 ,ah1 _/y_/ are ! "o1 _/y_/ are ! "o--_/y_/ alone4 ,& a great cry ( impot5ce broke f him4 ,anna1 ,anna1 if y & ,i _h be5 really m>ri$1 if we _h liv$ toge!r z man & wife1 if we _h _h *ildr51 if y _h be5 beside me z y are ?is ev5+1 b really beside me6 ,he fell back4 ,he _h cri$ out s l\d t ev5 if !re _h be5 no brea* 9 ! wall1 ,i %\ld h he>d him 9 my room4 ,he voic$ 8 :ole dream1 he ?rew x out passionately4 ,?is s9c]ity1 :i* 0 indiff]5t to ev]y?+1 _h a def9ite significance :i* bruis$ my he>t4 ,=give me4 ,=give me4 ,x is almo/ blasphemy4 ,i c\ld n help x4 ,he /opp$4 ,y felt 8 w-p[] mak+ 8 face calm1 8 s\l compell+ him to sil5ce1 b 8 eyes seem$ to m\rn4 ,he repeat$ 9 a l[] voice1 z if to himself1 ,y6 ,y6 ,he fell asleep ) ,y on 8 lips4 4 4 4 4 4 ,he di$ t night4 ,i saw him die4 ,by a /range *ance he 0 alone at ! la/ mom5t4 ,!re 0 no dea? rattle1 no dea? agony1 prop]ly speak+4 ,he did n claw ! b$clo!s ) 8 f+]s1 nor speak1 nor cry4 ,no la/ sigh1 no la/ fla%4 ,he _h ask$ ,anna = a dr9k4 ,z !re 0 no m wat] 9 ! room & ! nurse happ5$ to be away at t mom5t1 %e _h gone out to get "s quickly4 ,%e did n ev5 %ut ! door4 ,! lamplight fill$ ! room4 ,i wat*$ ! man's face & felt1 by "s sign1 t ! great sil5ce at t mom5t 0 dr[n+ him4 ,!n in/9ctively ,i cri$ out to him4 ,i c\ld n help cry+ out s t he %\ld n be alone4 ,i see y6 ,my /range voice1 disus$ f speak+1 p5etrat$ into ! room4 ,b he di$ at ! v in/ant t ,i gave him my madman's alms4 ,8 head dropp$ back /iffly1 8 eyeballs roll$4 ,anna came 9 aga94 ,%e mu/ h caught ! s\nd ( my outcry vaguely1 = %e hesitat$4 ,%e saw him4 ,a fe>ful cry bur/ f h] ) all ! =ce ( h] heal?y body1 a true wid['s cry4 ,%e dropp$ on h] knees at ! b$side4 ,! nurse came 9 "r aft] h] & rais$ h] arms4 ,sil5ce reign$1 t fla%+ up ( incr$ible mis]y into :i* y s9k completely 9 ! pres5ce ( ! dead1 no matt] :o y are or :]e y are4 ,! woman on h] knees & ! woman /&+ up wat*$ ! man :o 0 /ret*$ !re1 in]t z if he _h nev] liv$4 ,!y 7 bo? almo/ dead4 ,!n ,anna wept l a *ild4 ,%e rose4 ,! nurse w5t to tell ! o!rs4 ,in/9ctively1 ,anna1 :o 0 we>+ a light wai/1 pick$ up a black %awl t ! nurse _h left on a *air & put x ar\nd h]4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! room1 s rec5tly desolate1 n[ fill$ ) life4 ,!y lit c&les ev]y:]e1 & ! />s1 visible ?r\gh ! w9d[1 disappe>$4 ,!y knelt d[n1 & cri$ & pray$ to him4 ,! dead man held comm&4 ,he 0 always on _! lips4 ,s]vants 7 !re :om ,i _h n yet se5 b :om he knew well4 ,^! p ar\nd him all seem$ to be ly+1 z ?\gh x 0 !y :o 7 suff]+1 !y :o 7 dy+1 & he 7 alive4 ,he mu/ h suff]$ a great deal :5 he di$1 said ! doctor1 9 a l[ voice to ! nurse1 at a mom5t :5 he 0 q ne> me4 ,b he 0 s weak1 ! poor man6 ,weakness does n prev5t suff]+ except 9 ! eyes ( o!rs1 said ! doctor4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! next morn+ ! drab light ( ! e>ly day fell ^u ! faces & ! melan*oly fun]al lights4 ,! com+ ( ! day1 ke5 & cold1 _h a depress+ effect ^u ! atmosph]e ( ! room1 mak+ x heavi]1 ?ick]4 ,a voice 9 a l[ apologetic tone = a mom5t int]rupt$ ! sil5ce t _h la/$ = h\rs4 ,y mu/n't op5 ! w9d[4 ,x isn't good = ! dead body4 ,x is cold1 "s "o mutt]$4 ,two h&s w5t up & drew a fur piece close4 ,"s "o rose1 & !n sat d[n aga94 ,"s "o else turn$ 8 head4 ,!re 0 a sigh4 ,x 0 z if !y _h tak5 advantage ( ^! few words to come out ( ! calm 9 :i* !y _h be5 conceal$4 ,!n !y glanc$ once m at ! man on ! bi]--motionless1 inexorably motionless4 ,i mu/ h fall5 asleep :5 all at once ,i he>d ! *ur* bells r++ 9 ! grey sky4 ,aft] t h>ass+ night !re 0 a relaxation f rigid att5tion to ! /illness ( dea?1 & an inexplicable sweetness 9 ! r++ ( ! bells c>ri$ me back =cibly to my *ildhood4 ,i ?\ght ( ! c\ntryside :]e ,i us$ to he> ! bells r++1 ( my native l&1 :]e ev]y?+ 0 peaceful & good1 & ! sn[ meant ,*ri/mas1 & ! sun 0 a cool disk t "o c\ld & %\ld look at4 ,! toll+ ( ! bells 0 ov]4 ,! e*o quietly di$ away1 & !n ! e*o ( ! e*o4 ,ano!r bell /ruck1 s\nd+ ! h\r4 ,eight o'clock1 eight sonor\s deta*$ /rokes1 beat+ ) t]rible regul>ity1 ) inv9cible calm1 simple1 simple4 ,i c\nt$ !m1 & :5 !y _h ceas$ to pulsate 9 ! air1 ,i c\ld n help c\nt+ !m ov] aga94 ,x 0 "t t 0 pass+--=mless "t1 & ! human ef=t t def9$ x & regul>iz$ x & made ( x a "w z ( de/9y4 ,,*apt] ,,xiv ,i 0 alone4 ,x 0 late at night1 & ,i 0 sitt+ at my table4 ,my lamp 0 buzz+ l summ] 9 ! fields4 ,i lift$ my eyes4 ,! />s /udd$ ! heav5s above4 ,! city 0 plung$ at my feet4 ,! horizon escap$ f ne>by into et]nity4 ,! lights & %ad[s =m$ an inf9ite sph]e ar\nd me4 ,i 0 n at ease t night4 ,i 0 a prey to an imm5se di/ress4 ,i sat z if ,i _h fall5 into my *air4 ,z on ! fir/ day ,i look$ at my reflection 9 ! glass1 & all ,i c\ld d 0 j :at ,i _h done !n1 simply cry1 ,i6 ,i want$ to "k ! secret ( life4 ,i _h se5 m51 gr\ps1 de$s1 faces4 ,9 ! twilight ,i _h se5 ! tremul\s eyes ( be+s z deep z wells4 ,i _h se5 ! m\? t said 9 a bur/ ( glory1 ,i am m s5sitive ?an o!rs4 ,i _h se5 ! /ruggle to love & make "o's self und]/ood1 ! refusal ( two p]sons 9 conv]sation to give !mselves to ea* o!r1 ! com+ toge!r ( two lov]s1 ! lov]s ) an infecti\s smile1 :o are lov]s 9 "n only1 :o bury !mselves 9 kisses1 :o press w\nd to w\nd to cure !mselves1 betwe5 :om !re is really no atta*m5t1 & :o1 9 spite ( _! ec/asy d]iv+ light f %ad[1 are /rang]s z mu* z ! sun & ! moon are /rang]s4 ,i _h he>d ^? :o c\ld f9d no crumb ( peace except 9 ! confession ( _! %ameful mis]y1 & ,i _h se5 faces pale & r$-ey$ f cry+4 ,i want$ to grasp x all at ! same "t4 ,all ! tru?s tak5 toge!r make only "o tru?4 ,i _h _h to wait until t day to le>n ?is simple ?+4 ,x 0 ?is tru? ( tru?s :i* ,i ne$$4 ,n because ( my love ( mank9d4 ,x is n true t we love mank9d4 ,no "o ev] has lov$1 does love1 or w love mank9d4 ,x 0 = myself1 solely = myself1 t ,i s\ght to atta9 ! full tru?1 :i* is above emotion1 above peace1 ev5 above life1 l a sort ( dea?4 ,i want$ to d]ive guidance f x1 a fai?4 ,i want$ to use x = my own good4 ,i w5t ov] ! ?+s ,i _h se5 s9ce liv+ 9 ! bo>d+-h\se4 ,!y 7 s num]\s t ,i _h become a /rang] to myself4 ,i sc>cely _h a "n any m4 ,i fairly li/5$ to ! memory ( !m1 & 9 supreme conc5tration ,i tri$ to see & und]/& :at ,i 04 ,x w\ld be s beautiful to "k :o ,i 04 ,i ?\ght ( all ^? wise m51 poets1 arti/s be=e me :o _h suff]$1 wept1 & smil$ on ! road to tru?4 ,i ?\ght ( ! ,lat9 poet :o wi%$ to reassure & console m5 by %[+ !m tru? z unveil$ z a /atue4 ,a fragm5t ( 8 prelude came to my m9d1 le>n$ long ago1 !n dismiss$ & lo/ l almo/ ev]y?+ t ,i _h tak5 ! pa9s to le>n up till !n4 ,he said he kept wat* 9 ! s]5e nights to f9d ! words1 ! poem 9 :i* to convey to m5 ! ideas t w\ld deliv] !m4 ,= two ?\s& ye>s m5 h always _h to be reassur$ & consol$4 ,= two ?\s& ye>s ,i h _h to be deliv]$4 ,no?+ has *ang$ ! surface ( ?+s4 ,! tea*+s ( ,*ri/ h n *ang$ ! surface ( ?+s1 & w\ld n ev5 if m5 _h n ru9$ ,8 tea*+s s t !y c no long] foll[ !m hone/ly4 ,w ! great poet come :o %all settle ! b\nd>ies ( belief & r5d] x et]nal1 ! poet :o w be1 n a fool1 n an ignorant orator1 b a wise man1 ! great inexorable poet8 ,i d n "k1 al?\gh ! l(ty words ( ! man :o di$ 9 ! bo>d+-h\se h giv5 me a vague hope ( 8 com+ & ! "r to adore him already4 ,b :at ab\t me--me1 :o am only a glance f ! eye ( de/9y8 ,i am l a poet on ! ?re%old ( a "w1 an accurs$1 /]ile poet :o w leave no glory beh9d1 to :om *ance _/l5t_/ ! tru? t g5ius w\ld h _/giv5_/ him1 a frail "w :i* w pass away ) me1 mortal & seal$ to o!rs l myself1 b a sublime "w nev]!less1 :i* w %[ ! ess5tial outl9es ( life & relate ! drama ( dramas4 4 4 4 4 4 ,:at am ,i8 ,i am ! desire n to die4 ,i h always be5 impell$-- n t ev5+ alone--by ! ne$ to con/ruct ! solid1 p[]ful dream t ,i %all nev] leave aga94 ,we are all1 always1 ! desire n to die4 ,?is desire is z immeasurable & v>i$ z life's complexity1 b at bottom ?is is :at x is3 ,to cont9ue to _/be1_/ to _/be_/ m & m1 to develop & to endure4 ,all ! =ce we h1 all our en]gy & cle>ness ( m9d s]ve to int5sify !mselves 9 "o way or ano!r4 ,we int5sify ourselves ) new impressions1 new s5sations1 new ideas4 ,we endeav\r to take :at we d n h & to add x to ourselves4 ,humanity is ! desire = novelty f\nd$ ^u ! fe> ( dea?4 ,t is :at x is4 ,i h se5 x myself4 ,in/9ctive movem5ts1 untrammell$ utt]ances always t5d ! same way1 & ! mo/ dissimil> utt]ances are all alike4 4 4 4 4 4 ,b aft]w>ds6 ,:]e are ! words t w light ! way8 ,:at is humanity 9 ! _w1 & :at is ! _w8 ,ev]y?+ is )9 me1 & !re are no judges1 & !re are no b\nd>ies & no limits to me4 ,! _/de pr(undis1_/ ! ef=t n to die1 ! fall ( desire ) its so>+ cry1 all ?is has n /opp$4 ,x is "p ( ! imm5se lib]ty :i* ! incessant me*anism ( ! human he>t ex]cises 7always some?+ diff]5t1 always674 ,& its expansion is s great t dea? itself is effac$ by x4 ,= h[ c\ld ,i imag9e my dea?1 except by go+ outside ( myself1 & look+ at myself z if ,i 7 n ,i b somebody else8 ,we d n die4 ,ea* human be+ is alone 9 ! _w4 ,x seems absurd1 contradictory to say ?is1 & yet x is s4 ,b !re are _m human be+s l me4 ,no1 we _c say t4 ,9 say+ t1 we set ourselves outside ! tru? 9 a k9d ( ab/raction4 ,all we c say is3 ,i am alone4 ,& t is :y we d n die4 ,once1 b[$ 9 ! ev5+ light1 ! dead man _h said1 ,aft] my dea?1 life w cont9ue4 ,e detail 9 ! _w w cont9ue to occupy ! same place quietly4 ,all ! traces ( my pass+ w die little by little1 & ! void ,i leave beh9d w be fill$ once m4 ,he 0 mi/ak5 9 say+ s4 ,he c>ri$ all ! tru? ) him4 ,yet we1 _/we_/ saw him die4 ,he 0 dead = u1 b n = himself4 ,i feel !re is a fe>fully difficult tru? "h :i* we mu/ get1 a =midable contradiction4 ,b ,i hold on to ! two ends ( x1 grop+ to f9d out :at =mless language w translate x4 ,some?+ l ?is3 ,e human be+ is ! :ole tru?4 ,i return to :at ,i he>d4 ,we d n die s9ce we are alone4 ,x is ! o!rs :o die4 ,& ?is s5t5ce1 :i* comes to my lips tremul\sly1 at once baleful & beam+ ) light1 ann\nces t dea? is a false god4 ,b :at ( ! o!rs8 ,grant$ t ,i h ! great wisdom to rid myself ( ! haunt+ dread ( my own dea?1 !re rema9s ! dea? ( o!rs & ! dea? ( s _m feel+s & s mu* sweetness4 ,x is n ! conception ( tru? t w *ange sorr[4 ,sorr[1 l joy1 is absolute4 ,& yet6 ,! inf9ite gr&eur ( our mis]y becomes confus$ ) glory & almo/ ) happ9ess1 ) cold haughty happ9ess4 ,0 x out ( pride or joy t ,i began to smile :5 ! fir/ :ite /reaks ( dawn turn$ my lamp pale & ,i saw ,i 0 alone 9 ! univ]se8 ,,*apt] ,,xv ,x 0 ! fir/ "t ,i _h se5 h] 9 m\rn+1 & t ev5+ h] y\? %one m respl5d5t ?an ev]4 ,h] dep>ture 0 close at h&4 ,%e look$ ab\t to see if %e _h left any?+ beh9d 9 ! room1 :i* _h be5 made ready = o!r p1 ! room :i* 0 already =mless1 already ab&on$4 ,! door op5$4 ,! "y woman turn$ h] head4 ,a man appe>$ 9 ! sunny doorway4 ,mi*el1 ,mi*el1 ,mi*el6 %e cri$4 ,%e /ret*$ out h] arms1 hesitat$1 & = a few seconds rema9$ motionless z light1 ) h] full gaze ^u him4 ,!n1 9 spite ( :]e %e 0 & ! purity ( h] he>t & ! *a/ity ( h] :ole life1 h] legs %ook & %e 0 on ! v]ge ( fall+ ov]4 ,he ?rew 8 hat on ! b$ ) a sweep+ romantic ge/ure4 ,he fill$ ! room ) 8 pres5ce1 ) 8 weight4 ,8 foot/eps made ! floor creak4 ,he kept h] f fall+4 ,tall z %e 01 he 0 a :ole head tall]4 ,8 m>k$ features 7 h>d & rem>kably f9e4 ,8 face "u a heavy head ( black hair 0 bright & clean1 z ?\gh new4 ,he _h a droop+ m\/a*e & full r$ lips4 ,he put 8 h&s on ! "y woman's %\ld]s1 & look$ at h]1 9 read9ess = 8 eag] embrace4 ,!y held ea* o!r close1 /agg]+4 ,!y said ! same ^w at ! same "t1 ,at la/6 ,t 0 all !y said1 b !y said x ov] & ov] aga9 9 a l[ voice1 *ant+ x toge!r4 ,_! eyes utt]$ ! same sweet cry4 ,_! brea/s communicat$ x to ea* o!r4 ,x seem$ to be ty+ !m toge!r & mak+ !m m]ge into "o4 ,at la/6 ,_! long sep>ation 0 ov]4 ,_! love 0 victor4 ,at la/ !y 7 toge!r4 ,& ,i saw h] quiv] f head to foot4 ,i saw h] :ole body welcome him :ile h] eyes op5$ & !n clos$ on him aga94 ,!y made a great ef=t to speak to ea* o!r4 ,! few %r$s ( conv]sation held !m back a mom5t4 ,h[ ,i wait$ = y6 ,h[ ,i long$ = y6 he /amm]$4 ,i ?\ght ( y all ! "t4 ,i saw y all ! "t4 ,y\r smile 0 ev]y:]e4 ,he l[]$ 8 voice & add$1 ,sometimes :5 p 7 talk+ commonplaces & y\r "n happ5$ to be m5tion$1 x w\ld g ?r\gh my he>t l an electric curr5t4 ,he pant$4 ,8 deep voice bur/ into sonor\s tones4 ,he seem$ unable to speak l[4 ,(t5 ,i us$ to sit on ! brick balu/rade at ! top ( ! t]race ( our h\se ov]look+ ! ,*annel1 ) my face 9 my h&s1 wond]+ :]e y 74 ,b x did n matt] h[ f> away y 71 ,i c\ld n help see+ y all ! same4 ,& (t5 ,i1 said ,anna1 b5d+ h] head1 w\ld sit at ! op5 w9d[ w>m ev5+s1 ?9k+ ( y4 ,sometimes ! air 0 ( a suffocat+ sweetness1 z x 0 two mon?s ago at ! ,villa ( ! ,roses4 ,te>s w\ld come to my eyes4 ,y us$ to cry8 ,yes1 %e said 9 a l[ voice1 = joy4 ,_! m\?s jo9$1 _! two small purple m\?s ( exactly ! same col\r4 ,!y 7 almo/ indi/+ui%able f ea* o!r1 t5se 9 ! creative sil5ce ( ! kiss1 a s+le d>k /ream ( fle%4 ,!n he drew away a little to get a bett] look at h]1 & ! next mom5t caught h] 9 8 arms & held h] close4 ,8 words fell on h] l hamm] bl[s4 ,d[n !re ! sc5t ( ! sap & ! fl[]s f ! _m g>d5s ne> ! coa/ us$ to intoxicate me1 & ,i want$ to burr[ my f+]s 9 ! d>k burn+ e>?4 ,i w\ld roam ab\t & try to rememb] y\r face1 & draw 9 ! p]fume ( y\r body4 ,i w\ld /ret* my arms out 9 ! air to t\* z mu* z possible ( y\r sunlight4 ,i knew y 7 wait+ = me & t y lov$ me1 %e said1 9 a voice g5tl] b j z deep ) emotion4 ,i saw y 9 y\r abs5ce4 ,& (t51 :5 ! light ( dawn ent]$ my room & t\*$ me1 ,i ?\ght ( h[ completely consecrat$ ,i 0 to y\r love4 ,?9k+ ( y sometimes 9 my room 9 ! ev5+1 ,i w\ld admire myself4 ,a ?rill w5t ?r\gh him1 & he smil$4 ,he kept say+ ! same ?+s 9 sc>cely diff]5t words1 z if he knew no?+ else4 ,he _h a *ildi% s\l & a limit$ m9d beh9d ! p]fect sculpture ( 8 =ehead & 8 great black eyes1 9 :i* ,i saw di/9ctly ! :ite face ( ! woman float+ l a swan4 ,%e li/5$ to him dev\tly1 h] m\? half op51 h] head ?r[n back lightly4 ,_h he n held h]1 %e w\ld h slipp$ to h] knees be=e ?is god :o 0 z beautiful z %e4 ,! memory ( y sadd5$ my joys1 b consol$ my sorr[s4 ,i did n "k :i* ( ! two said ?is4 ,!y embrac$ vehem5tly4 ,!y reel$4 ,!y 7 l two tall flames4 ,8 face burn$ h]s1 & he cri$3 ,i love y1 ,i love y6 ,all ?r\gh my sleepless nights ( long+ = y--oh1 :at a crucifixion my solitude 06 ,be m9e1 ,anna6 ,%e radiat$ cons5t1 b h] eyes falt]$1 & %e glanc$ r\nd ! room4 ,let u respect ?is room1 %e brea!d4 ,!n %e 0 a%am$ at hav+ refus$1 & imm$iately /amm]$1 ,excuse me4 ,! man also look$ ar\nd ! room4 ,8 =ehead d>k5$ ) a savage fr[n ( suspicion1 & ! sup]/ition ( 8 race %one 9 8 eyes4 ,x 0 "h--t he di$8 ,no1 %e said4 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 99 ,aft]w>ds !y did z ! o!rs _h done1 z human be+s always d1 z !y !mselves w\ld d _m times aga9 9 ! /range future--!y sat ) _! eyes half-clos$ & ! same uneasy look ( %ame & t]ror 9 !m z ,amy & h] lov]4 ,b ^! two requir$ no artificial /imulus = _! love4 ,!y _h no ne$ ( ! night4 ,& !y felt no culpability4 ,!y 7 two gr& "y creatures1 driv5 toge!r naturally by ! v =ce ( _! love1 & _! ard\r cleans$ ev]y?+1 l fire4 ,!y 7 innoc5t4 ,!y _h no regrets & felt no remorse4 ,!y ?\ght !y 7 unit$4 ,he took h] s(t h& 9 8 d>k h&1 & said3 ,n[ y are m9e = always4 ,y h made me "k div9e ec/asy4 ,y h my he>t & ,i h y\rs4 ,y are my wife =ev]4 ,y are ev]y?+ to me1 %e answ]$4 ,!y w5t =? into life l a c\ple 9 leg5d1 inspir$ & rosy ) anticipation--he1 ! knight ) no %ad[s fall+ on him except ! d>k ( 8 hair1 helmet$ or plum$1 & %e1 ! prie/ess ( ! pagan gods1 ! _s ( nature4 ,!y w\ld %9e 9 ! sunlight4 ,!y w\ld see no?+ ar\nd !m1 bl9d$ by ! daylight4 ,!y w\ld und]go no /ruggles except ! /rife ( ! sexes & ! spy+ ( jeal\sy2 = lov]s are enemies r ?an fri5ds4 ,i foll[$ !m ) my eyes go+ ?r\gh life1 :i* w\ld be no?+ to !m b fields1 m\nta9s1 or =e/s4 ,i saw !m veil$ 9 a k9d ( light1 %elt]$ f d>kness1 protect$ = a "t aga9/ ! fe>ful spell ( memory & ?\ght4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i sat d[n & lean$ on my elb[s4 ,i ?\ght ( myself4 ,:]e 0 ,i n[ aft] all ?is8 ,:at 0 ,i go+ to d 9 life8 ,i did n "k4 ,i w\ld look ab\t & w\ld surely f9d some?+4 ,s1 sitt+ !re1 ,i quietly indulg$ 9 hopes4 ,i mu/ h no m sadness1 no m angui% & fev]4 ,if ! re/ ( my life 0 to pass 9 calm1 9 peace1 ,i mu/ g f>1 f> away f all ^? awful s]i\s ?+s1 ! sight ( :i* 0 t]rible to be>4 ,some:]e ,i w\ld lead a wise1 busy life--& e>n my liv+ regul>ly4 ,& y1 y w be beside me1 my si/]1 my *ild1 my wife4 ,y w be poor s z to be m l all o!r wom54 ,9 ord] = u to be able to live toge!r ,i %all "w all day & s be y\r s]vant4 ,y w "w affectionately = u bo? 9 ?is room1 & 9 my abs5ce !re w be no?+ beside y b ! pure1 simple pres5ce ( y\r sew+ ma*9e4 ,y w keep ! sort ( ord] by :i* no?+ is =gott51 y w practice pati5ce :i* is z long z life1 & mat]nity :i* is z heavy z ! _w4 ,i %all come 91 ,i %all op5 ! door 9 ! d>k1 ,i %all he> y come f ! next room1 br++ ! lamp4 ,a dawn w ann\nce y4 ,y w tell me ! quiet /ory ( y\r day's "w1 )\t any object except to give me y\r ?\ghts & y\r life4 ,y w speak ( y\r *ildhood memories4 ,i %all n und]/& !m v well because y w be able to give me1 p]=ce1 only insuffici5t details1 b ,i %all love y\r sweet /range language4 ,we %all speak ( ! *ild we %all h1 & y w b5d y\r head & y\r neck1 :ite z milk1 & 9 our m9ds we %all he> ! rock+ ( ! cradle l a ru/l+ ( w+s4 ,& :5 we are tir$ out1 & ev5 aft] we h gr[n old1 we %all dream afre% along ) our *ild4 ,aft] ?is rev]y our ?\ghts w n /ray1 b l+] t5d]ly4 ,9 ! ev5+ we %all ?9k ( ! night4 ,y w be full ( a happy ?\ght4 ,y\r inn] life w be gay & %9+1 n because ( :at y see1 b because ( y\r he>t4 ,y w beam z bl9d p beam4 ,we %all sit up fac+ ea* o!r4 ,b little by little1 z x gets late1 our words w become few] & less intelligible4 ,sleep w lay b>e y\r s\l4 ,y w fall asleep ov] ! table1 y w feel me wat*+ ov] y m & m4 ,t5d]ness is great] ?an love4 ,i d n admire c>nal love :5 x is by itself & b>e4 ,i d n admire its disord]ly selfi% p>oxysms1 s grossly %ort-liv$4 ,& yet )\t love ! atta*m5t ( two human be+s is always weak4 ,love mu/ be add$ to affection4 ,! ?+s x contributes to a union are absolutely ne$$--exclusiv5ess1 intimacy1 & simplicity4 ,,*apt] ,,xvi ,i w5t out on ! /reet l an exile1 ,i :o am an ev]yday man1 :o resemble ev]ybody else s mu*1 too mu*4 ,i w5t ?r\gh ! /reets & cross$ ! squ>es ) my eyes fix$ ^u ?+s )\t see+ !m4 ,i 0 walk+1 b ,i seem$ to be fall+ f dream to dream1 f desire to desire4 ,a door aj>1 an op5 w9d[ gave me a pang4 ,a woman pass+ by graz$ aga9/ me1 a woman :o told me no?+ ( :at %e might h told me4 ,i dream$ ( h] trag$y & ( m9e4 ,%e ent]$ a h\se1 %e disappe>$1 %e 0 dead4 ,i /ood /ill1 a prey to a ?\s& ?\ghts1 /ifl$ 9 ! robe ( ! ev5+4 ,f a clos$ w9d[ on ! gr\nd floor float$ a /ra9 ( music4 ,i caught ! beauty ( a sonata z ,i w\ld cat* di/9ct human words1 & = a mom5t ,i li/5$ to :at ! piano 0 confid+ to ! p inside4 ,!n ,i sat d[n on a b5*4 ,on ! opposite side ( ! av5ue lit by ! sett+ sun two m5 also seat$ !mselves on a b5*4 ,i saw !m cle>ly4 ,!y seem$ ov]:elm$ by ! same de/9y1 & a mutual sympa?y seem$ to unite !m4 ,y c\ld tell !y lik$ ea* o!r4 ,"o 0 speak+1 ! o!r 0 li/5+4 ,i read a secret trag$y4 ,z boys !y _h be5 imm5sely fond ( ea* o!r4 ,!y _h always be5 ( ! same m9d & %>$ _! ideas4 ,"o ( !m got m>ri$1 & x 0 ! m>ri$ "o :o 0 n[ speak+4 ,he seem$ to be fe$+ _! common sorr[4 ,! ba*elor _h be5 9 ! habit ( visit+ 8 home1 always keep+ 8 prop] di/ance1 ?\gh p]haps vaguely lov+ ! "y wife4 ,h[ev]1 he respect$ h] peace & h] happ9ess4 ,! m>ri$ man 0 tell+ him t 8 wife _h ceas$ to love him1 :ile he /ill ador$ h] ) 8 :ole be+4 ,%e _h lo/ int]e/ 9 him1 & turn$ away f him4 ,%e did n laugh & did n smile except :5 !re 7 o!r p pres5t4 ,he spoke ( ?is grief1 ?is w\nd to 8 love1 to 8 "r4 ,8 "r6 ,he _h unconsci\sly believ$ t he _h a "r ov] h]1 & he liv$ 9 ?is belief4 ,!n he f\nd out t he _h no "r4 ,"h ! fri5d ?\ght ( c]ta9 ?+s %e _h said to him1 ( a smile %e _h giv5 him4 ,al?\gh he 0 good & mode/ & /ill p]fectly pure1 a w>m1 irresi/ible hope ins9uat$ itself into 8 he>t4 ,li/5+ to ! /ory ( despair t 8 fri5d confid$ to him1 he rais$ 8 face bit by bit & gave ! woman a smile4 ,& no?+ c\ld keep t ev5+1 n[ fall+ grey ^u ^? two m51 f be+ at once an end & a beg9n+4 ,a c\ple1 a man & a woman--poor human be+s almo/ always g 9 pairs--approa*$1 & pass$4 ,i saw ! empty space betwe5 !m4 ,9 life's trag$y1 sep>ation is ! only ?+ "o sees4 ,!y _h be5 happy1 & !y 7 no long] happy4 ,!y 7 almo/ old already4 ,he did n c>e = h]1 al?\gh !y 7 gr[+ old toge!r4 ,:at 7 !y say+8 ,9 a mom5t ( op5-he>t$ness1 tru/+ to ! peacefulness reign+ betwe5 !m at t "t1 he own$ up to an old transgression1 to a betrayal scrupul\sly & religi\sly hidd5 until !n4 ,alas1 8 words br\ght back an irrep>able agony4 ,! pa/1 :i* _h g5tly la9 dead1 rose to life aga9 = suff]+4 ,_! =m] happ9ess 0 de/roy$4 ,! days gone by1 :i* !y _h believ$ happy1 7 made sad2 & t is ! woe 9 ev]y?+4 ,?is c\ple 0 effac$ by ano!r1 a "y "o1 ^: conv]sation ,i also imag9$4 ,!y 7 beg9n+1 !y 7 go+ to love4 ,_! he>ts 7 s %y 9 f9d+ ea* o!r4 ,d y want me to g on t trip8 ,%all ,i d ?is & t8 ,%e answ]$1 ,no4 ,an int5se feel+ ( mode/y gave ?is fir/ av[al ( love s humbly solicit$ ! =m ( a disav[al4 ,b yet !y 7 already ?9k+ ( ! full fl[] ( _! love4 ,o!r c\ples pass$ by1 & /ill o!rs4 ,?is "o n[--he talk+1 %e say+ no?+4 ,x 0 difficult = him to ma/] himself4 ,he begg$ h] to tell him :at %e 0 ?9k+ (4 ,%e answ]$4 ,he li/5$4 ,!n1 z if %e _h said no?+1 he begg$ h] aga91 /ill h>d]1 to tell him4 ,!re he 01 unc]ta91 oscillat+ betwe5 night & day4 ,all he ne$$ 0 = h] to say "o ^w1 if he only believ$ x4 ,y saw him1 9 ! imm5se city1 cl++ to t "o be+4 ,! next in/ant ,i 0 sep>at$ f ^! two lov]s :o wat*$ & p]secut$ ea* o!r4 ,turn :]e y w1 ev]y:]e1 ! man & ! woman ev] confront+ ea* o!r1 ! man :o loves a hundr$ times1 ! woman :o has ! p[] to love s mu* & to =get s mu*4 ,i w5t on my way aga94 ,i came & w5t 9 ! mid/ ( ! nak$ tru?4 ,i am n a man ( peculi> & exceptional traits4 ,i recognise myself 9 ev]ybody4 ,i h ! same desires1 ! same long+s z ! ord9>y human be+4 ,l ev]ybody else ,i am a copy ( ! tru? spell$ out 9 ! ,room1 :i* is1 ,i am alone & ,i want :at ,i h n & :at ,i %all nev] h4 ,x is by ?is ne$ t p live1 & by ?is ne$ t p die4 ,b n[ ,i 0 tir$ ( hav+ desir$ too mu*4 ,i sudd5ly felt old4 ,i %\ld nev] recov] f ! w\nd 9 my brea/4 ,! dream ( peace t ,i _h _h a mom5t be=e attract$ & tempt$ me only because x 0 f> away4 ,_h ,i realis$ x1 ,i %\ld simply h dream$ ano!r dream4 4 4 4 4 4 ,n[ ,i look$ = a ^w4 ,! p :o live my tru?1 :at d !y say :5 !y speak ( !mselves8 ,does ! e*o ( :at ,i am ?9k+ issue f _! m\?s1 or error1 or falsehood8 ,night fell4 ,i look$ = a ^w l m9e1 a ^w to lean ^u1 a ^w to su/a9 me4 ,& x seem$ to me t ,i 0 go+ along grop+ my way z if expect+ "s "o to come f r\nd ! corn] & tell me ev]y?+4 ,i did n return to my room4 ,i did n want to leave ! cr[ds t ev5+4 ,i look$ = a place t 0 alive4 ,i w5t into a l>ge re/aurant s z to he> voices ar\nd me4 ,!re 7 only a few vacant places1 & ,i f\nd a seat 9 a corn] ne> a table at :i* ?ree p 7 d9+4 ,i gave my ord]1 & :ile my eyes me*anically foll[$ ! :ite-glov$ h& p\r+ s\p into my plate f a silv] cup1 ,i li/5$ to ! g5]al hubbub4 ,all ,i c\ld cat* 0 :at my ?ree neighb\rs 7 say+4 ,!y 7 talk+ ( p 9 ! place :om !y knew1 !n ( v>i\s fri5ds4 ,_! p]siflage & ! consi/5t irony ( _! rem>ks surpris$ me4 ,no?+ !y said 0 wor? ! :ile1 & ! ev5+ promis$ to be useless l ! re/4 ,a few m9utes lat]1 ! head wait]1 :ile s]v+ me ) filets ( sole1 nodd$ 8 head & w9k$ 8 eye 9 ! direction ( "o ( ! gue/s4 ,m4 ,villi]s1 ! fam\s writ]1 he :isp]$ pr\dly4 ,i recognis$ ,m4 ,villi]s4 ,he resembl$ 8 portraits & bore 8 "y glory gracefully4 ,i envi$ t man 8 ability to write & say :at he ?\ght4 ,i /udi$ 8 pr(ile & admir$ its worldly di/9ction4 ,x 0 a f9e mod]n pr(ile1 ! /raightness ( x brok5 by ! silk5 po9t ( 8 well-kept m\/a*e1 by ! p]fect curve ( 8 %\ld]1 & by ! butt]fly's w+ ( 8 :ite necktie4 ,i lift$ my glass to my lips :5 sudd5ly ,i /opp$ & felt all my blood ru% to my he>t4 ,?is is :at ,i he>d3 ,:at's ! !me ( ! novel y're work+ on8 ,tru?1 repli$ ,pi]re ,villi]s4 ,:at8 exclaim$ 8 fri5d4 ,a succession ( human be+s caught j z !y are4 ,:at subject8 somebody ask$4 ,p turn$ & li/5$ to him4 ,two "y d9]s n f> away /opp$ talk+ & put on an idl+ air1 evid5tly ) _! e>s prick$4 ,9 a sumptu\s purple alcove1 a man 9 ev5+ clo!s1 ) sunk5 eyes & drawn features1 0 smok+ a fat cig>1 8 :ole life conc5trat$ 9 ! fragrant gl[ ( 8 tobacco4 ,8 companion1 h] b>e elb[ on ! table1 envelop$ 9 p]fume & sp>kl+ ) jewels1 & ov]load$ ) ! heavy artificiality ( luxury1 turn$ h] simple moon-l face t[>d ! speak]4 ,?is is ! subject1 said ,pi]re ,villi]s4 ,x gives me scope to amuse & tell ! tru? at ! same "t4 ,a man pi]ces a hole 9 ! wall ( a bo>d+-h\se room1 & wat*es :at is go+ on 9 ! next room4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i mu/ h look$ at ! speak]s j !n ) a r sorry expression ( bewild]m5t4 ,!n ,i quickly l[]$ my head l a *ild afraid to be se54 ,!y _h spok5 = _/me1_/ & ,i s5s$ a /range secret s]vice intrigue ar\nd me4 ,!n1 9 an in/ant ?is impression1 :i* _h got ! bett] ( my common s5se1 gave way4 ,evid5tly a pure co9cid5ce4 ,/ill ,i 0 left ) ! vague appreh5sion t !y 7 go+ to notice t ,i _/knew1_/ & 7 go+ to recognise me4 ,"o ( ! noveli/'s fri5ds begg$ him to tell m ( 8 /ory4 ,he cons5t$4 ,he 0 go+ to tell x 9 my pres5ce6 4 4 4 4 4 ,) admirable art 9 ! use ( words1 ge/ures1 & mimicry1 & ) a lively elegance & a contagi\s laugh1 he describ$ a s]ies ( brilliant1 surpris+ sc5es4 ,"u cov] ( 8 s*eme1 :i* br\ght all ! sc5es out into peculi> relief & gave !m a special int5sity1 he retail$ a lot ( amus+ oddities1 describ$ comical p]sons & ?+s1 heap$ up picturesque & piquant details1 co9$ typical & witty prop] names1 & inv5t$ complicat$ & +5i\s situations4 ,he succe$$ 9 produc+ irresi/ible effects1 & ! :ole 0 9 ! late/ /yle4 ,!y said1 ,ah6 & ,oh6 & op5$ _! eyes wide4 ,bravo6 ,a sure success6 ,a cork+ funny idea6 ,all ! *>act]s :o pass be=e ! eyes ( ! man spy+ ^u !m are amus+1 ev5 ! man :o kills himself4 ,no?+ =gott54 ,! :ole ( humanity is !re4 ,b ,i _h n recogniz$ a s+le ?+ 9 ! entire %[4 ,a /upor & a sort ( %ame ov]:elm$ me z ,i he>d t man try+ to extract ! utmo/ ent]ta9m5t possible f ! d>k happ5+s t _h be5 tortur+ me = a mon?4 ,i ?\ght ( t great voice1 n[ sil5c$1 :i* _h said s cle>ly & =cefully t ! writ]s ( to-day imitate ! c>icaturi/s4 ,i1 :o _h p5etrat$ into ! he>t ( humanity & return$ aga91 f\nd no?+ human 9 ?is jiggl+ c>icature6 ,x 0 s sup]ficial t x 0 a lie4 ,he said 9 front ( me--( me ! awful witness3 ,x is man /ripp$ ( all outw>d appe>ances t ,i want p to see4 ,o!rs are fiction1 ,i am ! tru?4 ,x has a philosophical be>+1 too4 ,p]haps4 ,b t wasn't my object4 ,?ank ,god1 ,i am a writ]1 & n a ?9k]4 ,& he cont9u$ to trave/y ! tru?1 & ,i 0 impot5t--! tru?1 t pr(\nd ?+ ^: voice 0 9 my e>s1 ^: %ad[ 0 9 my eyes1 & ^: ta/e 0 9 my m\?4 ,0 ,i s utt]ly =sak58 ,w\ld no "o speak ! ^w ,i 0 9 se>* (8 4 4 4 4 4 ,! ,room 0 flood$ ) moonlight4 ,9 t magnific5t sett+ !re 0 an obscure :ite c\ple1 two sil5t human be+s ) m>ble faces4 ,! fire 0 out4 ,! clock _h f9i%$ its "w & _h /opp$1 & 0 li/5+ ) its he>t4 ,! man's face dom9at$4 ,! woman 0 at 8 feet4 ,!y did no?+4 ,an air ( t5d]ness hov]$ ov] !m4 ,!y look$ l monum5ts gaz+ at ! moon4 ,he spoke4 ,i recognis$ 8 voice4 ,x lit up 8 face = me1 :i* _h be5 %r\d$ f my sight be=e4 ,x 0 _/he1_/ ! nameless lov] & poet :om ,i _h se5 twice be=e4 ,he 0 tell+ ,amy t on 8 way t ev5+ he _h met a poor woman1 ) h] baby 9 h] arms4 ,%e walk$1 jo/l$ & borne along by ! cr[d return+ home f "w1 & f9ally 0 toss$ aside up aga9/ a po/ "u a por*1 & /opp$ z ?\gh nail$ !re4 ,i w5t up to h]1 he said1 & saw %e 0 smil+4 4 4 4 4 4 ,:at 0 %e smil+ at8 ,at life1 on acc\nt ( h] *ild4 ,"u ! refuge :]e %e 0 c[]+1 fac+ ! sett+ sun1 %e 0 ?9k+ ( ! gr[? ( h] *ild 9 ! days to come4 ,h[ev] t]rible !y might be1 !y w\ld be ar\nd him1 = him1 9 him4 ,!y w\ld be ! same ?+ z h] brea?1 h] walk1 h] look4 ,s pr(\nd 0 ! smile ( ?is creator :o bore h] burd5 & :o rais$ h] head & gaz$ into ! sun1 )\t ev5 look+ d[n at ! *ild or li/5+ to its babbl+4 ,i work$ ?is woman & *ild up into a poem4 ,he rema9$ motionless = a mom5t1 !n said g5tly )\t paus+1 9 t voice f ! ,beyond :i* we assume :5 we recite1 obey+ :at we say & no long] ma/]+ x3 ,! woman f ! dep?s ( h] rags1 a waif1 a m>tyr--smil$4 ,%e mu/ h a div9e he>t to be s tir$ & yet smile4 ,%e lov$ ! sky1 ! light1 :i* ! un=m$ little be+ w\ld love "s day4 ,%e lov$ ! *illy dawn1 ! sultry noontime1 ! dreamy ev5+4 ,! *ild w\ld gr[ up1 a savi\r1 to give life to ev]y?+ aga94 ,/>t+ at ! d>k bottom he w\ld asc5d ! ladd] & beg9 life ov] aga91 life1 ! only p>adise !re is1 ! b\quet ( nature4 ,he w\ld make beauty beautiful4 ,he w\ld make et]nity ov] aga9 ) 8 voice & 8 song4 ,& clasp+ ! new-born infant close1 %e look$ at all ! sunlight %e _h giv5 ! _w4 ,h] arms quiv]$ l w+s4 ,%e dream$ 9 words ( fondl+4 ,%e fasc9at$ all ! pass]sby t look$ at h]4 ,& ! sett+ sun ba!d h] neck & head 9 a rosy reflection4 ,%e 0 l a great rose t op5s its he>t to ! :ole _w4 ,! poet seem$ to be se>*+ = some?+1 to be see+ ?+s1 & believ+ inf9itely4 ,he 0 9 ano!r _w :]e ev]y?+ we see is true & ev]y?+ we say is un=gettable4 ,amy 0 /ill on h] knees ) eyes uprais$ to 84 ,%e 0 all att5tion1 fill$ ) x l a preci\s vase4 ,b h] smile1 he w5t on1 0 n only 9 wond] ab\t ! future4 ,!re 0 also some?+ tragic 9 x1 :i* pi]c$ my he>t4 ,i und]/ood x p]fectly4 ,%e ador$ life1 b %e dete/$ m5 & 0 afraid ( !m1 always on acc\nt ( ! *ild4 ,%e already disput$ ov] him ) ! liv+1 al?\gh he himself 0 z yet sc>cely among ! liv+4 ,%e defi$ !m ) h] smile4 ,%e seem$ to say to !m1 ',he w live 9 spite ( y1 he w use y1 he w subdue y ei!r to dom9ate y or to be lov$ by y4 ,he is already brav+ y ) 8 t9y brea?1 ?is little "o t ,i am hold+ 9 my mat]nal grasp4' ,%e 0 t]rible4 ,at fir/1 ,i _h se5 h] z an angel ( goodness4 ,n[1 al?\gh %e _h n *ang$1 %e 0 l an angel ( m]cilessness & v5geance4 ,i saw a sort ( hatr$ = ^? :o w\ld tr\ble him di/ort h] face1 respl5d5t ) sup]human mat]nity4 ,h] cruel he>t 0 full ( "o he>t only4 ,x =esaw s9 & %ame4 ,x hat$ m5 & settl$ acc\nts ) !m l a de/roy+ angel4 ,%e 0 ! "m ) fe>ful nails1 /&+ erect1 & laugh+ ) a torn m\?4 ,amy gaz$ at h] lov] 9 ! moonlight4 ,x seem$ to me t h] looks & 8 words m+l$4 ,i come back z ,i always d to ! greatness ( mank9d's curse1 & ,i repeat x ) ! monotony ( ^? :o are always "r--oh1 )\t ,god1 )\t a h>b\r1 )\t en\gh rags to cov] u1 all we h1 /&+ erect on ! l& ( ! dead1 is ! rebellion ( our smile1 ! rebellion ( be+ gay :5 d>kness envelops u4 ,we are div9ely alone1 ! heav5s h fall5 on our heads4 ,! heav5s h fall5 on our heads6 ,:at a trem5d\s idea6 ,x is ! l(tie/ cry t life hurls4 ,t 0 ! cry ( deliv]ance = :i* ,i _h be5 grop+ until !n4 ,i _h _h a =ebod+ x w\ld come1 because a ?+ ( glory l a poet's song always gives some?+ to u poor liv+ %ad[s1 & human ?\ght always reveals ! _w4 ,b ,i ne$$ to h x said explicitly s z to br+ human mis]y & human gr&eur toge!r4 ,i ne$$ x z a key to ! vault ( ! heav5s4 ,^! heav5s1 t is to say1 ! azure t our eyes en%r9e1 purity1 pl5itude--& ! inf9ite numb] ( suppliants1 ! sky ( tru? & religion4 ,all ?is is )9 u1 & has fall5 ^u our heads4 ,& ,god ,himself1 :o is all ^! k9ds ( heav5s 9 "o1 has fall5 on our heads l ?und]1 & ,8 inf9ity is ours4 ,we h ! div9ity ( our great mis]y4 ,& our solitude1 ) its toilsome ideas1 te>s & laught]1 is fatally div9e4 ,h[ev] wrong we may g 9 ! d>k1 :atev] our ef=ts 9 ! d>k & ! useless "w ( our he>ts work+ incessantly1 & :atev] our ignorance left to itself1 & :atev] ! w\nds t o!r human be+s are1 we ought to /udy ourselves ) a sort ( devotion4 ,x is ?is s5tim5t t lights our =eheads1 uplifts our s\ls1 adorns our pride1 &1 9 spite ( ev]y?+1 w console u :5 we %all become accu/om$ to hold+1 ea* at 8 own poor task1 ! :ole place t ,god us$ to occupy4 ,! tru? itself gives an effective1 practical1 &1 s to speak1 religi\s c>ess to ! suppliant 9 :om ! heav5s spread4 4 4 4 4 4 ,i h su* respect = ! actual tru? t !re are mom5ts :5 ,i d n d>e to call ?+s by _! "n1 ! poet end$4 ,yes1 said ,amy1 v s(tly1 & no?+ else4 ,%e _h be5 li/5+ int5tly4 ,ev]y?+ seem$ to be c>ri$ away 9 a sort ( g5tle :irlw9d4 ,amy1 he :isp]$4 ,%e did n /ir4 ,%e _h fall5 asleep ) h] head on h] lov]'s knees4 ,he look$ at h] & smil$4 ,an expression ( pity & b5evol5ce flitt$ across 8 face4 ,8 h&s /ret*$ out "p way t[>d ! sleep+ woman ) ! g5tl5ess ( /r5g?4 ,i saw ! glori\s pride ( condesc5sion & *>ity 9 ?is man :om a woman pro/rate be=e him deifi$4 ,,*apt] ,,xvii ,i h giv5 notice4 ,i am go+ away to-morr[ ev5+1 ,i ) my trem5d\s memory4 ,:atev] may happ51 :atev] trag$ies may be res]v$ = me 9 ! future1 my ?\ght w n be grav] or m important :5 ,i %all h liv$ my life ) all its weight4 ,b my :ole body is "o pa94 ,i _c /& on my legs any m4 ,i /agg]4 ,i fall back on my b$4 ,my eyes close & fill ) sm>t+ te>s4 ,i want to be crucifi$ on ! wall1 b ,i _c4 ,my body becomes heavi] & heavi] & fill$ ) %>p] pa94 ,my fle% is enrag$ aga9/ me4 ,i he> voices ?r\gh ! wall4 ,! next room vibrates ) a di/ant s\nd1 a mi/ ( s\nd :i* sc>cely comes ?r\gh ! wall4 ,i %all n be able to li/5 any m1 or look into ! room1 or he> any?+ di/9ctly4 ,& ,i1 :o h n cri$ s9ce my *ildhood1 ,i cry n[ l a *ild because ( all t ,i %all nev] h4 ,i cry ov] lo/ beauty & gr&eur4 ,i love ev]y?+ t ,i %\ld h embrac$4 ,"h !y w pass aga91 day aft] day1 ye> aft] ye>1 all ! prison]s ( rooms w pass ) _! k9d ( et]nity4 ,9 ! twilight :5 ev]y?+ fades1 !y w sit d[n ne> ! light1 9 ! room full ( haloes4 ,!y w drag !mselves to ! w9d['s void4 ,_! m\?s w jo9 & !y w gr[ t5d]4 ,!y w ex*ange a fir/ or a la/ useless glance4 ,!y w op5 _! arms1 !y w c>ess ea* o!r4 ,!y w love life & be afraid to disappe>4 ,"h bel[ !y w seek a p]fect union ( he>ts4 ,up above !y w seek ev]la/+ness among ! %ades & a ,god 9 ! cl\ds4 4 4 4 4 4 ,! monoton\s murmur ( voices comes ?r\gh ! wall /eadily1 b ,i d n cat* :at is be+ said4 ,i am l anybody else 9 a room4 ,i am lo/1 j z ,i 0 ! ev5+ ,i came "h :5 ,i took possession ( ?is room us$ by p :o _h disappe>$ & di$--be=e ?is great *ange ( light took place 9 my de/9y4 ,p]haps because ( my fev]1 p]haps because ( my l(ty pa91 ,i imag9e t "s "o !re is declaim+ a great poem1 t "s "o is speak+ ( ,prome!us4 ,he has /ol5 light f ! gods4 ,9 8 entrails he feels ! pa91 always beg9n+ aga91 always fre%1 ga!r+ f ev5+ to ev5+1 :5 ! vulture /eals to him z x w\ld /eal to its ne/4 ,& y feel t we are all l ,prome!us because ( desire1 b !re is nei!r vulture nor gods4 ,!re is no p>adise except t :i* we create 9 ! great tomb ( ! *ur*es4 ,!re is no hell1 no inf]no except ! fr5zy ( liv+4 ,!re is no my/]i\s fire4 ,i h /ol5 ! tru?4 ,i h /ol5 ! :ole tru?4 ,i h se5 sacr$ ?+s1 tragic ?+s1 pure ?+s1 & ,i 0 "r4 ,i h se5 %ameful ?+s1 & ,i 0 "r4 ,& s ,i h ent]$ ! k+dom ( tru?1 if1 :ile pres]v+ respect to tru? & )\t soil+ x1 we c use ! expression t deceit & religi\s blasphemy employ4 4 4 4 4 4 ,:o %all compose ! ,bible ( human desire1 ! t]rible & simple ,bible ( t :i* drives u f life to life1 ! ,bible ( our do+s1 our go+s1 our orig9al fall8 ,:o w d>e to tell ev]y?+1 :o w h ! g5ius to see ev]y?+8 ,i believe 9 a l(ty =m ( poetry1 9 ! "w 9 :i* beauty w be m+l$ ) beliefs4 ,! m incapable ( x ,i feel myself1 ! m ,i believe x to be possible4 ,! sad spl5d\r ) :i* c]ta9 memories ( m9e ov]:elm me1 %[s me t x is possible4 ,sometimes ,i myself h be5 sublime1 ,i myself h be5 a ma/]piece4 ,sometimes my visions h be5 m+l$ ) a ?rill ( evid5ce s /rong & s creative t ! :ole room has quiv]$ ) x l a =e/1 & !re h be5 mom5ts1 9 tru?1 :5 ! sil5ce cri$ out4 ,b ,i h /ol5 all ?is1 & ,i h pr(it$ by x1 ?anks to ! %amelessness ( ! tru? reveal$4 ,at ! po9t 9 space 9 :i*1 by accid5t1 ,i f\nd myself1 ,i _h only to op5 my eyes & to /ret* out my m5dicant h&s to accompli% m ?an a dream1 to accompli% almo/ a "w4 ,:at ,i h se5 is go+ to disappe>1 s9ce ,i %all d no?+ ) x4 ,i am l a "m ! fruit ( ^: womb w p]i% aft] x has be5 born4 ,:at matt]8 ,i h he>d ! annunciation ( :atev] f9] ?+s are to come4 ,?r\gh me has pass$1 )\t /ay+ me 9 my c\rse1 ! ,^w :i* does n lie1 & :i*1 said ov] aga91 w satisfy4 4 4 4 4 4 ,b ,i h f9i%$4 ,i am ly+ /ret*$ out1 & n[ t ,i h ceas$ to see1 my poor eyes close l a heal+ w\nd & a sc> =ms ov] !m4 ,& ,i seek assuagem5t = myself4 ,i6 ,! la/ cry1 z x 0 ! fir/4 ,z = me1 ,i h only "o rec\rse1 to rememb] & to believe4 ,to hold on ) all my /r5g? to ! memory ( ! trag$y ( ! ,room4 ,i believe t ! only ?+ :i* confronts ! he>t & ! reason is ! %ad[ ( t :i* ! he>t & ! reason cry =4 ,i believe t ar\nd u !re is only "o ^w1 ! imm5se ^w :i* takes u out ( our solitude1 ,,no?+4 ,i believe t ?is does n signify our no?+ness or our mis=tune1 b1 on ! contr>y1 our realisation & our deification1 s9ce ev]y?+ is )9 u4 ,,! ,,end