,,fa!r ,,payne ,by ,ar?ur ,*ri/oph] ,b5son #aiae ,,preface ,(t5 z ,i h ?\ght ( my old fri5d ,fa!r ,payne1 z we affectionately call$ him1 ,i _h someh[ nev] int5d$ to write ab\t him1 or if ,i did1 x 0 l z a dream :5 "o awake?1 a vision t melt$ away at ! t\* ( common life4 ,yet ,i always felt t 8 0 "o ( ^? ri* p]sonalities well wor? depict+1 if ! attitude & ge/ure ) :i* he fac$ ! _w c\ld be caught & fix$4 ,! difficulty 0 t he 0 a man ( ideas r ?an ( p]=mance1 sugge/ive r ?an active3 & ! :ole hi/ory ( 8 exp]im5t ) life 0 evasive1 & ev5 to ord9>y views fanta/ic4 ,besides1 my own life has be5 a busy "o1 full ( h>d ord9>y "w3 x 0 n until ! w> gave me1 l _m craftsm51 a mo/ reluctant & unwelcome space ( leisure1 t ,i ev] _h ! opportunity ( consid]+ ! possibility ( writ+ ?is book4 ,i am too old to be a combatant1 & too mu* ( a speciali/ 9 lit]ature to transmute my activities4 ,i lately f\nd myself ) my pr(essional occupations sudd5ly susp5d$1 & moreov]1 l _m m5 :o h foll[$ a :olly peaceful pr(ession1 plung$ 9 a d>k bewild]m5t z to ! onset ( ! =ces gov]n+ ! social life ( ,europe4 ,9 ! sad inactivity :i* foll[$1 ,i set to "w to look ?r\gh my old pap]s1 = ! sake ( di/raction & employm5t1 & f\nd mu* mat]ial almo/ ready = use1 c>eful notes ( conv]sations1 p]sonal rem9isc5ces1 jott+s ( *>act]i/ic t\*es1 :i* seem$ z if !y c\ld be easily %ap$4 ,moreov]1 ! pa/ sudd5ly reviv$1 & became eloqu5t & vivid4 ,i f\nd 9 ! beautiful memories ( ^? gl[+ days t ,i sp5t ) ,fa!r ,payne--x 0 only ?ree ye>s--"s consolation & enc\ragem5t 9 my di/ress4 ,?is little volume is ! result4 ,i am well aw>e t ! busy ye>s :i* h int]v5$ h tak5 ! edge (f "s ( my recollections1 :ile ! lapse ( "t has possibly t\*$ o!rs ) a sunset gl[4 ,t c h>dly be avoid$1 & ,i am n sure t ,i wi% to avoid x4 ,i am n "h conc]n$ ) ei!r criticis+ or endors+ ,fa!r ,payne's views4 ,i see bo? inconsi/5cies & fallacies 9 !m4 ,i ev5 detect prejudices & mis9t]pretations ( :i* ,i 0 n consci\s at ! "t4 ,i h no wi% to idealise my subject unduly1 b x is cle> to me1 & ,i hope ,i h made x cle> to o!rs1 t ,fa!r ,payne 0 a man :o _h a v def9ite !ory ( life & fai?1 & :o at all ev5ts liv$ s9c]ely & ev5 passionately 9 ! light ( 8 beliefs4 ,moreov]1 :5 he came to put !m to ! supreme te/1 ! te/ ( dea?1 !y did n des]t or betray him3 he pass$ on 8 way rejoic+4 ,he us$1 ,i rememb]1 to w>n u aga9/ attempt+ too close an analysis ( "*4 ,he us$ to say t ! consci\sness ( a man1 ! intuitive in/9ct :i* impell$ him1 8 attack ^u exp]i5ce1 0 a ?+ almo/ indep5d5t bo? ( 8 circum/ances & ( 8 reason4 ,he us$ to take 8 p>able f ! weav+ ( a tape/ry1 & say t a box full ( ?read & a loom made up a v small "p ( ! process4 ,x 0 ! inv5tive in/9ct ( ! craftsman1 ! faculty ( design+1 t 0 all-important4 ,he himself 0 a man ( l>ge designs1 b he lack$ p]haps ! practical gift ( embodim5t4 ,i look$ ^u him z a man ( high poetical p[]s1 ) a great range ( hopes & visions1 b )\t ! te*nical accompli%m5t :i* l5ds ^! _! f9al coh]5ce4 ,he 0 fully aw>e ( ?is himself1 b he nei!r regrett$ x nor disguis$ x4 ,! tru? 0 t 8 int]e/ 9 exi/5ce 0 s int5se1 t he lack$ ! p[] ( self-limitation ne$$ = an arti/ic success4 ,:at1 h[ev]1 he gave to all :o came 9 t\* ) him1 0 a /rong s5se ( ! ri*ness & greatness ( life & all its issues4 ,he taught u to approa* x ) no preconceiv$ !ories1 no fe>s1 no pref]5ces4 ,he _h a great mi/ru/ ( conv5tional int]pretation & traditional explanations4 ,at ! same "t he abhorr$ controv]sy & wrangl+4 ,he _h no wi% to expunge ! ideals ( o!rs1 s long z !y 7 s9c]ely =m$ r ?an meekly receiv$4 ,?\gh ,i h come myself to some:at diff]5t conclusions1 he at lea/ taught me to draw my own inf]5ces f my own exp]i5ces1 )\t ei!r def]r+ to or despis+ ! conclusions ( o!rs4 ,! *>m ( 8 p]sonality lay 9 8 indep5d5ce1 8 sympa?y1 8 eag] fre%ness ( view1 8 purity ( motive1 8 p]fect simplicity2 & x is all ?is :i* ,i h attempt$ to depict1 r ?an to trace 8 !ories1 or to pres5t a philosophy :i* 0 always concrete r ?an ab/ract1 & passionate r ?an delib]ate4 ,to use a homely prov]b1 ,fa!r ,payne 0 a man :o fill$ 8 *air6 ,( "o ?+ ,i feel sure1 & t is t :]ev] ,fa!r ,payne is1 & :atev] he may be do+--= ,i h z absolute a conviction ( ! cont9u$ exi/5ce ( 8 f9e _s z ,i h ( ! pres5t exi/5ce ( my own--he w value my attempt to depict him z he 04 ,i rememb] 8 tell+ me a /ory ( ,dr4 ,johnson1 h[ 9 ! c\rse ( 8 la/ illness1 :5 he c\ld n op5 8 lett]s1 he ask$ ,boswell to read !m = him4 ,boswell op5$ a lett] f "s p]son 9 ! ,nor? ( ,engl&1 ( a complim5t>y k9d1 & ?9k+ x w\ld fatigue ,dr4 ,johnson to h x read al\d1 m]ely obs]v$ t x 0 highly 9 8 praise4 ,dr4 ,johnson at once desir$ x to be read to him1 & said ) great e>ne/ness1 ,! applause ( a s+le human be+ is ( great consequ5ce4 ,fa!r ,payne add$ t x 0 "o ( ,johnson's f9e/ say+s1 & _h no t\* ( vanity or self-satisfaction 9 x1 b ! vital /uff ( humanity4 ,t ,i believe to be pr(\ndly true3 & t is ! _s 9 :i* ,i h set all ?is d[n4 ,septemb] #cj1 #aiae4 ,,cont5ts ,i4 ,,fa!r ,,payne ,,ii4 ,,aveley ,,iii4 ,,! ,,society ,,iv4 ,,! ,,summons ,v4 ,,! ,,sy/em ,,vi4 ,,fa!r ,,payne ,,vii4 ,,! ,,m5 ,,viii4 ,,! ,,me?od ,,ix4 ,,fa!r ,,payne ,x4 ,,*>act]i/ics ,,xi4 ,,conv]sation ,,xii4 ,,( ,,go+ ,,to ,,*ur* ,,xiii4 ,,( ,,newspap]s ,,xiv4 ,,( ,,hate ,,xv4 ,,( ,,writ+ ,,xvi4 ,,( ,,m>riage ,,xvii4 ,,( ,,lov+ ,,god ,,xviii4 ,,( ,,fri5d%ip ,,xix4 ,,( ,,phyllis ,,xx4 ,,( ,,c]ta9ty ,,xxi4 ,,( ,,beauty ,,xxii4 ,,( ,,w> ,,xxiii4 ,,( ,,cads ,,& ,,ph>isees ,,xxiv4 ,,( ,,cont9uance ,,xxv4 ,,( ,,philan?ropy ,,xxvi4 ,,( ,,fe> ,,xxvii4 ,,( ,,ari/ocracy ,,xxviii4 ,,( ,,cry/als ,,xxix4 ,,e>ly ,,life ,,xxx4 ,,( ,,bloodsuck]s ,,xxxi4 ,,( ,,in/9cts ,,xxxii4 ,,( ,,humility ,,xxxiii4 ,,( ,,meekness ,,xxxiv4 ,,( ,,criticism ,,xxxv4 ,,( ,,! ,,s5se ,,( ,,beauty ,,xxxvi4 ,,( ,,biography ,,xxxvii4 ,,( ,,possessions ,,xxxviii4 ,,( ,,lonel9ess ,,xxxix4 ,,( ,,! ,,writ]',s ,,life ,,xl4 ,,( ,,wa/e ,,xli4 ,,( ,,education ,,xlii4 ,,( ,,religion ,,xliii4 ,,( ,,critics ,,xliv4 ,,( ,,wor%ip ,,xlv4 ,,( ,a ,,*ange ,,( ,,religion ,,xlvi4 ,,( ,,affection ,,xlvii4 ,,( ,,respect ,,( ,,p]sons ,,xlviii4 ,,( ,,ambiguity ,,xlix4 ,,( ,,belief ,l4 ,,( ,,hon\r ,,li4 ,,( ,,"w ,,lii4 ,,( ,,companion%ip ,,liii4 ,,( ,,money ,,liv4 ,,( ,,peaceabl5ess ,,lv4 ,,( ,,life-,,=ce ,,lvi4 ,,( ,,consci5ce ,,lvii4 ,,( ,,rank ,,lviii4 ,,( ,,biography ,,lix4 ,,( ,,exclusiv5ess ,,lx4 ,,( ,,tak+ ,,life ,,lxi4 ,,( ,,booki%ness ,,lxii4 ,,( ,,consi/5cy ,,lxiii4 ,,( ,,wr5s ,,& ,,lilies ,,lxiv4 ,,( ,,pose ,,lxv4 ,,( ,,rev5ants ,,lxvi4 ,,( ,,discipl9e ,,lxvii4 ,,( ,,increase ,,lxviii4 ,,( ,,pray] ,,lxix4 ,,! ,,%ad[ ,,lxx4 ,,( ,,weakness ,,lxxi4 ,,! ,,bank ,,( ,,! ,,riv] ,,lxxii4 ,,! ,,cross+ ,,lxxiii4 ,,aft]-,,?\ghts ,,lxxiv4 ,,dep>ture ,,fa!r ,,payne ,i ,,fa!r ,,payne ,x 0 a good _m ye>s ago1 soon aft] ,i left ,ox=d1 :5 ,i 0 tw5ty-?ree ye>s old1 t all ?is happ5$4 ,i _h tak5 a degree 9 ,classics1 & ,i _h n giv5 mu* ?\ght to my future pr(ession4 ,!re 0 no v obvi\s op5+ = me1 no family bus9ess1 no influ5ce 9 any p>ticul> direction4 ,my fa!r _h be5 9 ! ,army1 b 0 long dead4 ,my "m & only si/] liv$ quietly 9 ! c\ntry4 ,i _h no prosaic & practical uncles to pu% me into any p>ticul> l9e2 :ile on com+ ( age ,i _h inh]it$ a little capital :i* br\ght me 9 "s two hundr$ a ye>1 s t ,i c\ld af=d to wait & look r\nd4 ,my only real ta/e 0 = lit]ature4 ,i want$ to write1 b ,i _h no v press+ aspirations or inspirations4 ,i may confess t ,i 0 indol5t1 fond ( company1 b n afraid ( comp>ative solitude1 & ,i 0 moreov] an entire dilettante4 ,i read a good _m books1 & tri$ fev]i%ly to write 9 ! /yle ( ! au?ors :o mo/ attract$ me1 ,i settl$ d[n at home1 m or less1 9 a c\ntry village :]e ,i knew ev]yone2 ,i travell$ a little2 & ,i paid occasional visits to ,london1 :]e sev]al ( my und]graduate & s*ool fri5ds liv$1 ) a vague idea ( gett+ to "k lit]>y p2 b !y 7 n v easy to meet1 &1 :5 ,i did meet !m1 !y did n betray any v m>k$ int]e/ 9 my designs & visions4 ,i 0 d9+ "o night at a re/aurant ) a ,college fri5d ( m9e1 ,jack ,v9c5t1 ^: ta/es 7 mu* ! same z my own1 only m /r5u\s2 8 fa!r & "m liv$ 9 ,london1 & :5 ,i w5t !re ,i g5]ally /ay$ ) !m4 ,!y 7 well-to-d1 good-natur$ p2 b1 beyond occasionally rem9d+ ,jack t he ought to be ?9k+ ab\t a pr(ession1 !y left him v mu* to 8 own devices1 & he _h begun to write a novel1 & a play1 & two or ?ree o!r ma/]pieces4 ,t p>ticul> night 8 fa!r & "m 7 d9+ out1 s we det]m9$ to g to a re/aurant4 ,& x 0 !re t ,v9c5t told me ab\t ,fa!r ,payne1 z he 0 call$ by 8 fri5ds1 ?\gh he 0 a layman & an ,anglican4 ,he _h he>d all ab\t him f an ,ox=d man1 ,leon>d ,b>?rop1 "s ye>s old] ?an ourselves1 :o 0 "o ( ! circle ( m5 :om ,fa!r ,payne _h collect$ ab\t him4 ,v9c5t 0 v full ( ! subject4 ,he said t ,fa!r ,payne 0 an eld]ly man1 :o _h be5 = a good _m ye>s a r unsuccessful tea*] 9 ,london1 & t he _h unexpect$ly inh]it$ a little c\ntry e/ate 9 ,nor?ampton%ire4 ,he _h gradually ga!r$ ab\t him a small knot ( m51 ma9ly int]e/$ 9 lit]ature1 :o 7 lodg$ & bo>d$ free1 & 7 a sort ( in=mal community1 b\nd by no v /rict regulations1 except t !y 7 pl$g$ to produce a c]ta9 am\nt ( "w at /at$ int]vals = ,fa!r ,payne's inspection4 ,z long z !y did ?is1 !y 7 all[$ to "w v mu* z !y lik$1 & ,fa!r ,payne 0 always ready to give criticism & advice4 ,fa!r ,payne res]v$ ! "r ( dismiss+ !m if !y 7 idle1 qu>relsome1 or tr\blesome 9 any way1 & ex]cis$ x decisively4 ,b ,b>?rop _h told him t x 0 a mo/ delightful life2 t ,fa!r ,payne 0 a v int]e/+1 good-natur$1 & amus+ man2 & t ! :ole ?+ 0 bo? pleasant & /imulat+4 ,!re 7 c]ta9 rules ab\t "w & h\rs1 & memb]s ( ! circle 7 n all[$ to abs5t !mselves )\t leave1 :ile ,fa!r ,payne sometimes s5t !m (f = a "t1 if he ?\ght !y requir$ a *ange4 ,i ga!r1 said ,v9c5t1 t he is an absolute autocrat1 & t y h to d :at he tells y2 b t he doesn't prea*1 & he doesn't fuss4 ,b>?rop says he has nev] be5 s happy 9 8 life4 ,he w5t on to say t !re 7 at lea/ two vacancies 9 ! circle--"o ( ! numb] _h lately m>ri$1 & ano!r _h accept$ a j\rnali/ic po/4 ,n[ :at d y say1 said ,v9c5t1 to u two try+ to g !re = a bit8 ,y c try x1 ,i believe1 )\t pl$g+ y\rself1 = two or ?ree mon?s2 & !n if ,fa!r ,payne approves1 & y want to g on1 y c regul>ly jo94 ,i confess t x seem$ to me a v attractive affair1 & all t ,v9c5t told me ( ! place1 & p>ticul>ly ( ,fa!r ,payne1 attract$ me4 ,v9c5t said t he _h m5tion$ me to ,b>?rop1 & t ,b>?rop _h said t ,i might h a *ance ( gett+ 94 ,x appe>$ t we %\ld h to g d[n to ! place to be int]view$4 ,we made up our m9ds to apply1 & t night ,v9c5t wrote to ,b>?rop4 ,! answ] 0 fav\rable4 ,two days lat] ,v9c5t receiv$ a note f ,fa!r ,payne1 writt5 9 a big1 f9ely-=m$ h&1 to ! effect t he w\ld be glad to see ,v9c5t any night t he c\ld come d[n1 & t ,i might also arrange an int]view1 if ,i wi%$1 b t we 7 to come sep>ately4 ,m9d1 said ! lett]1 ,i c make no promises & c give no reasons2 b ,i w n keep ei!r ( y wait+4 ,v9c5t w5t fir/4 ,he sp5t a night at ,aveley ,hall1 z ! place 0 call$4 ,i cont9u$ my visit to 8 p1 & await$ 8 return ) great int]e/4 ,he told me :at _h happ5$4 ,he _h be5 met at ! /ation by an odd little trap1 _h driv5 up to ! h\se--a biggi% place1 close to a small *ur*1 on ! outskirts ( a t9y village4 ,x 0 d>k :5 he arriv$1 & he _h f\nd ,fa!r ,payne at tea ) f\r or five m51 9 a flagg$ hall4 ,!re _h be5 a good deal ( talk & laught]4 ,he is a big man1 ,fa!r ,payne1 ) a be>d1 dress$ r badly1 l a c\ntry squire1 v good-natur$ & talkative4 ,ev]yone seem$ to say pretty mu* :at !y lik$1 b he kept !m 9 ord]1 too1 ,i c\ld see t6 ,!n he _h be5 c>ri$ (f to a little /udy & que/ion$4 ,he simply turn$ me inside out1 said ,v9c5t1 & ,i told him all my biography1 & ev]y?+ ,i _h ev] done & ?\ght (4 ,he didn't seem to look at me mu*1 b ,i felt he 0 ov]haul+ me someh[4 ,!n ,i w5t & read 9 a sort ( libr>y1 & !n we _h d9n]--j ! same bus9ess4 ,!n ! m5 mo/ly disappe>$1 & ,b>?rop c>ri$ me (f = a talk1 & told me a lot ab\t ev]y?+4 ,!n ,i w5t to my room1 a big1 ugly1 com=table b$room2 & 9 ! morn+ !re 0 breakfa/1 :]e p dropp$ 91 read pap]s or lett]s1 did n talk1 & w5t (f :5 !y _h done4 ,!n ,i walk$ ab\t 9 a nice1 r wild g>d54 ,!re seem$ a lot ( fields & trees beyond1 all belong+ to ! h\se1 b no p>k1 & only a small /able1 ) a kit*5-g>d54 ,!re 7 v few s]vants t ,i saw--an old butl] & "s eld]ly maids--& !n ,i came away4 ,fa!r ,payne j came out & %ook h&s1 & said he w\ld write to me4 ,x seem$ exactly ! sort ( ?+ ,i %\ld l4 ,i only hope we %all bo? get 94 ,x c]ta9ly s\nd$ attractive1 & x 0 ) great curiosity t ,i w5t (f on ! foll[+ day1 z appo9t$1 = my own int]view4 ,,ii ,,aveley ,! tra9 drew up at a little wayside /ation soon aft] f\r o'clock on a ,novemb] aft]noon4 ,x 0 a b>e1 b r an attractive l&scape4 ,! l9e ran along a wide1 %all[ valley1 ) a /ream runn+ at ! bottom1 ) _m will[s1 & pools fr+$ ) )]$ s$ges4 ,! fields 7 mo/ly pa/ures1 ) "h & !re a fall[4 ,!re 7 a good _m bits ( woodl& all ab\t1 & a tall spire ( pale /one1 f> to ! s\?1 ov]topp$ ! ro(s ( a little t[n4 ,i 0 met by an old groom or coa*man1 ) a little anci5t op5 c>t1 & we drove s$ately along pleasant lanes1 among woods1 till we ent]$ a t9y village1 :i* he told me 0 ,aveley1 consi/+ ( ?ree or f\r f>mh\ses1 ) b>ns & ricks1 & "s r[s ( /one-built cottages4 ,we turn$ out ( ! village 9 ! direction ( a small & pla9 *ur* ( "s antiquity1 beh9d :i* ,i saw a grove ( trees & ! *imneys ( a h\se surm\nt$ by a small cupola4 ,! h\se /ood close by ! *ur*1 hav+ an op5 space ( grass 9 front1 ) an old sundial1 & a l[ wall sep>at+ x f ! *ur*y>d4 ,we drove 9 at a big gate1 /&+ op51 ) /one gate-po/s4 ,! ,hall 0 a long1 /one-built ,georgian h\se1 p]haps a hundr$ & fifty ye>s old1 ) two %all[ w+s & a /one-til$ ro(1 & 0 obvi\sly ( consid]able size4 ,"s )]$ creep]s /raggl$ ov] x1 & x 0 neatly kept1 b ) no sort ( sm>tness4 ,! trees grew r ?ickly to ! ea/ ( ! h\se1 & ,i c\ld see to ! "r a /able-y>d1 & beyond t ! trees ( ! g>d54 ,we drew up--x 0 gett+ d>k--& an old mans]vant ) a pat]nal air came out1 took possession ( my bag1 & l$ me ?r\gh a small ve/ibule into a long hall1 ) a fire burn+ 9 a great op5 fireplace4 ,!re 0 a gall]y at "o end1 ) a big organ 9 x4 ,! hall 0 pav$ ) black & :ite /one1 & !re 7 "s com=table *airs1 a cab9et or two1 & "s dim pa9t+s on ! walls4 ,tea 0 spread at a small table by ! fire1 & f\r or five m51 two ( !m q "y1 ! o!rs r old]1 7 sitt+ ab\t on *airs & s(as1 or help+ !mselves to tea at ! table4 ,on ! he>?1 ) 8 back to ! fire1 /ood a great1 burly man ) a %ort1 grizzl$ be>d & tumbl$ gray hair1 r bald1 dress$ 9 a r\gh suit ( light-br[n homespun1 ) huge %oot+ boots1 :om ,i saw at once to be my ho/4 ,! talk /opp$ z ,i ent]$1 & ,i 0 aw>e t ,i 0 be+ scrut9is$ ) "s curiosity4 ,fa!r ,payne did n move1 b ext5d$ a h&1 :i* ,i advanc$ & %ook1 & said3 ,v glad to see y1 ,mr4 ,duncan--y are j 9 "t = tea4 ,he m5tion$ ! names ( ! m5 pres5t1 :o came & %ook h&s v cordially4 ,b>?rop gave me "s tea1 & ,i 0 induct$ into a *air by ! fire4 ,i ?\ght = a mom5t t ,i 0 tak+ ,fa!r ,payne's place1 & feebly murmur$ some?+ ab\t tak+ 8 *air4 ,!y're all m9e1 ?anks6 he said ) a smile1 b ,i claim no privileges4 ,someone gave a fa9t :i/le at ?is1 & ,fa!r ,payne1 turn+ 8 eyes b n 8 head t[>ds ! "y man :o _h utt]$ ! s\nd1 said3 ,all "r1 ,poll>d1 if y are go+ to be mut9\s1 we %all h a little bus9ess to transact toge!r1 z ,mr4 ,sque]s said4 ,oh1 ,i'm n mut9\s1 sir1 said ! "y man--,i'm q submissive--,i 0 j betray$ into x by amazem5t6 ,y %\ldn't get into ! habit ( ?9k+ al\d1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 at lea/ n among ba*elors--:5 y are m>ri$ y c d z y l6--,i hope y are polite8 he w5t on1 look+ r\nd at me4 ,i ?9k s1 ,i said1 feel+ r %y1 ,t's "r1 he said4 ,x's ! fir/ & only =m ( virtue6 ,if y are only polite1 !re is no?+ t y may n d4 ,?is is a s*ool ( mann]s1 y "k6 ,"o ( ! m51 ,rose by "n1 laugh$--a pleasant musical laugh4 ,i rememb]1 he said1 t :5 ,i 0 a boy at ,eton1 my excell5t b v bluff & r\gh old tutor call$ ^u u1 & 0 s mu* tak5 up ) be+ he>ty1 t he knock$ ov] ! coal-scuttle1 & didn't let anyone get a ^w 92 & :5 he w5t (f 9 a sort ( :irlw9d1 my old aunt1 :o 0 an incisive lady1 said 9 a m$itative tone3 ',h[ /range x is t ! only ?+ t ! ,eton ma/]s seem able to tea* _! boys is ! only ?+ !y don't !mselves possess6' ,fa!r ,payne utt]$ a %ort1 l\d laugh at ?is1 & said3 ,is !re any *ance ( meet+ y\r aunt8 ,no1 sir1 %e is long s9ce dead6 ,blew (f too mu* /eam1 p]haps1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,t woman mu/ h _h ! /eam up6 ,i %\ld h lik$ to h kn[n h]--a rem>kable woman6 ,h y any m /ories ( ! same sort ab\t h]8 ,n to-day1 said ,rose1 smil+4 ,q "r1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y keep !m = an acceptable "t4 ,nev] tell /r+s ( /ories--&1 by ! way1 my "y fri5ds1 t's ! art ( writ+4 ,don't cram 9 good ?+s--space !m out1 ,b>?rop6 ,i ?9k ,i c spread ! butt] z ?9 z anyone1 said ,b>?rop1 smil+4 ,s y c1 s y c6 said ,fa!r ,payne en?usia/ically1 & v ?9 slices too6 ,i give y full cr$it = t6 ,! m5 _h begun to drift away1 & ,i 0 pres5tly left alone ) ,fa!r ,payne4 ,n[ y come along ( me6 he said to me2 & :5 ,i got up1 he took my arm 9 a pleasant fa%ion1 l$ me to a big curta9$ ar*way at ! f> end ( ! hall1 "u ! gall]y1 & along a flagg$ passage to ! "r4 ,z we w5t he po9t$ to ! doors--,smok+-room--,libr>y--& at ! end ( ! passage he op5$ a door1 & l$ me into a small panell$ room ) a big w9d[1 closely curta9$4 ,x 0 a solid & /ately place1 :olly b>e ( ornam5t4 ,x _h a writ+-table1 a bookcase1 two arm*airs ( lea!r1 a f9e fireplace ) m>ble pill>s1 & an old pa9t+ let into ! panell+ above x4 ,!re 0 a bright1 un%ad$ lamp on ! table4 ,?is is my room1 he said1 & !re's no?+ 9 x t ,i don't use1 except ^? pill>s2 & :5 ,i haul on !m1 l ,samson1 ! h\se comes d[n4 ,n[ y sit d[n !re1 & we'll h a talk4 ,d y m9d ! light8 ,no8 ,well1 t's all "r1 z ,i want to h a good look at y1 y "k6 ,y c get a smoke aft]w>ds--?is is bus9ess6 ,he sate d[n 9 ! *air opposite me1 & /irr$ ! fire4 ,he _h f9e1 l>ge1 solid h&s1 ! s(tness ( :i*1 l silk1 _h /ruck me :5 ,i %ook h&s ) him2 &1 ?\gh he 0 bo? eld]ly & bulky1 he mov$ ) a c]ta9 grace & al]tness4 ,tell me y\r tale f ! beg9n+1 he said1 ,don't leave out any details--,i l details4 ,let's h y\r life & dea? & ,*ri/ian suff]+s1 z ! tracts say4 ,he he>d me ) mu* pati5ce1 sometimes smil+1 sometimes nodd+1 :5 ,i _h f9i%$1 he said3 ,n[ ,i mu/ ask y a few que/ions--y don't m9d if !y are pla9 que/ions--r unpleasant que/ions8 ,he b5t 8 br[s ^u me & smil$4 ,no1 ,i said1 n at all4 ,well1 !n1 he said1 :]e's ! vocation 9 all ?is8 ,?is place1 to be brief1 is = m5 :o h a real vocation = writ+1 & yet nev] w\ld o!rwise h ! "t or ! leisure to tra9 = x4 ,y see1 9 ,engl&1 p ?9k t y ne$n't tra9 = writ+--t y h j got to beg91 & !re y are4 ,v few p h ! money to wait a few ye>s--!y h to write1 n :at !y want to write1 b :at o!r p want to read4 ,& s x comes ab\t t by ! "t t !y h e>n$ ! money & ! leisure1 ! spr+ is gone1 ! fre%ness is gone1 !re's no inv5tion & no ze/4 ,writ+ c't be done 9 a little corn] ( life4 ,y h to give up y\r life to x--& !n t means giv+ up y\r life to a great deal ( :at looks l pure laz9ess--loaf+ ab\t1 look+ ab\t1 travell+1 talk+1 moon+2 t is ! only way to le>n proportion2 & x is ! only way1 too1 ( le>n+ :at n to write ab\t--a great _m ?+s t are writt5 ab\t are n really mat]ial = writ+ at all4 ,& all ?is c't be done 9 a drivell+ mood--y mu/ pick y\r way if y are go+ to write4 ,t's a long preface2 b ,i mean ?is place to be a place to give m5 ! "r sort ( />t4 ,i happ5 to be able to tea* p1 m or less1 h[ to write1 if !y h got ! /uff 9 !m--& to be frank1 ,i'm n sure t y h6 ,y ?9k ?is w\ld be a pleasant sort ( exp]i5ce--s x c be2 b x isn't done on slack & *att]+ l9es4 ,x is j meant to save p f hang+ ab\t at ! />t1 a ?+ :i* spoils a lot ( good writ]s4 ,b x's deadly s]i\s1 & x isn't a dilettante life at all4 ,d y grasp all t8 ,yes1 ,i said1 & ,i believe ,i c "w6 ,i "k ,i h wa/$ my "t1 b x 0 n because ,i want$ to wa/e "t1 b because ! sort ( ?+s ,i h always _h to d--! classics--always seem$ to me s absolutely po9tless4 ,no "o :o taught me ev] di/+ui%$ betwe5 :at 0 good & :at 0 bad4 ,:atev] x 0--a ,greek play1 ,hom]1 ,livy1 ,tacitus--x 0 always suppos$ to be ! be/ ?+ ( ! k9d4 ,i 0 always sure t mu* ( x 0 rot1 & "s ( x 0 excell5t2 b ,i didn't "k :y1 & no "o ev] told me :y4 ,y ?\ght all t8 said he4 ,well1 t's m hopeful6 ,h y ev] done any essay "w8 ,yes1 ,i said1 & t 0 ! wor/ ( all--no "o ev] %[$ me h[ to d x 9 my own way1 b always 9 "s "o else's way4 ,he sate a little 9 sil5ce4 ,!n he said3 ,b m9d y1 t's n all6 ,i don't ?9k writ+ is ! end ( life4 ,! real po9t is to feel ! ?+s1 to und]/& ! bus9ess1 to h ideas ab\t life4 ,i don't want p to le>n h[ to write int]e/+ly ab\t ?+s 9 :i* !y are n int]e/$--b to be int]e/$ fir/1 & !n to write if !y c4 ,i l to turn out a good writ]1 :o c say :at he feels & believes4 ,b ,i'm j z pleas$ :5 a man tells me t writ+ is rubbi%1 & t he is go+ away to d some?+ real4 ,! real--t's :at ,i c>e ab\t6 ,i don't want m5 to come & pick up gra9s ( tru? & reality1 & "w !m into _! /uff4 ,i h turn$ out a few m5 l t1 & ^? are my wor/ failures4 ,y h got to c>e ab\t ideas1 if y come "h1 & to get ! ideas into %ape4 ,y h got to le>n :at is beautiful & :at is n1 because ! only bus9ess ( a real writ] is ) beauty--n a sickly exotic sort ( beauty1 b ! beauty ( heal? & /r5g? & g5]\s feel+4 ,i c't h any humbugs "h1 ?\gh ,i h s5t out "s humbugs4 ,x's a h>d life ?is1 & a tir+ life2 ?\gh if y are ! "r sort ( fell[1 y w get pl5ty ( fun out ( x4 ,b we don't wa/e "t "h2 & if a man wa/es "t1 out he goes4 ,i believe ,i c "w z h>d z anyone1 ,i said1 ?\gh ,i h %[n no signs ( x--& anyh[1 ,i %\ld l to try4 ,& ,i d really want to le>n h[ to di/+ui% betwe5 ?+s1 h[ to "k :at matt]s4 ,no "o has ev] %[n me h[ to d t6 ,t's all "r6 he said1 ,b are y sure y don't want simply to make a bit ( a "n--to be kn[n z a clev] man8 ,x's v conv5i5t1 y "k1 9 ,engl&1 to h a label4 ,because ,i want y cle>ly to und]/& t ?is place ( m9e has no?+ :atev] to d ) t4 ,i take no /ock 9 :at is call$ success4 ,?is is a sort ( mona/]y1 y "k2 & ! wor/ ( "s mona/]ies is t !y cultivate dreams4 ,t's a beautiful ?+ 9 its way1 b x isn't :at ,i aim at4 ,i don't want m5 to drug !mselves ) dreams4 ,! great dream]s don't d t4 ,%elley1 = in/ance--8 dreams 7 all made out ( real feel+1 real beauty4 ,he want$ to put ?+s "r 9 8 own way4 ,he 0 enrag$ ) life because he 0 f9e1 :ile ,byron 0 enrag$ ) life because he 0 vulg>4 ,vulg>ity--t's ! "o fatal compla9t2 x goes d[n deep to ! bottom ( ! m9d4 ,& ,i may z well say pla9ly t t is :at ,i fight aga9/ "h4 ,i don't hone/ly ?9k ,i am vulg>1 ,i said4 ,n on ! surface1 p]haps1 he said1 b pres5t-day education is a sn>e4 ,we are a vulg> nation1 y "k4 ,t is :at is really ! matt] ) u--our ambitions are vulg>1 our pride is vulg>4 ,we want to fit into ! _w & get ! mo/ we c out ( x2 we don't1 mo/ ( u1 j want to give x our be/4 ,t's :at ,i mean by vulg>ity1 want+ to take & n want+ to give4 ,he 0 sil5t = a m9ute1 & !n he said3 ,d y believe 9 ,god8 ,i h>dly "k1 ,i said4 ,n v mu*1 ,i am afraid1 9 ! k9d ( ,god t ,i h he>d prea*$ ab\t4 ,:at d y mean8 he said4 ,well1 ,i said1 x's r a l>ge "q--b ,i us$ to ?9k1 bo? at s*ool & at ,ox=d1 t _m ( ! m5 :o 7 r disapprov$ (1 t did q bad ?+s1 & tri$ exp]im5ts1 & knock$ up aga9/ na/9ess ( v>i\s k9ds1 b :o 7 brave 9 _! way & k9d1 & n mean or spiteful or fault-f9d+1 7 m ! sort ( p t ! =ce--or :atev] x is1 beh9d ! _w--0 try+ to produce ?an _m ( ! virtu\s p4 ,:at 0 call$ virtue & piety _h some?+ /ifl+ & *ok+ ab\t x1 ,i us$ to ?9k4 ,i _h a tutor at s*ool :o 0 a p>son1 & he 0 a good sort ( man1 too1 9 a way4 ,b ,i us$ to feel sudd5ly dre>y ) him1 z if !re 7 a :ole lot ( real ?+s & int]e/+ ?+s :i* he 0 afraid (4 ,i c\ldn't say :at ,i ?\ght to him--only :at ,i felt he want$ me to ?9k4 ,t's a bad answ]1 ,i w5t on1 b ,i hav5't really consid]$ x4 ,no1 x isn't a bad answ]1 he said1 ,x's all "r6 ,! mom5t y feel /ifl$ ) anyone1 :atev] ! subject is--art1 books1 religion1 life--!re is some?+ wrong4 ,d y say any pray]s8 ,no1 ,i said1 to be hone/1 ,i don't4 ,y mu/ take to x aga91 he said4 ,y c't get on )\t pray]4 ,& if y come "h1 he said1 y may expect to he> ab\t ,god4 ,i talk a good deal ab\t ,god4 ,i don't believe 9 ?+s be+ too sacr$ to talk ab\t--x's ! bad ?+s t ought n to be m5tion$4 ,i am int]e/$ 9 ,god1 m ?an ,i am int]e/$ 9 any?+ else4 ,i c't make ,him out--& yet ,i believe t ,he ne$s me1 9 a way1 z mu* z ,i ne$ ,him4 ,does t s\nd pr(ane to y8 ,no1 ,i said1 x's new to me4 ,no "o ev] spoke ab\t ,god to me l t be=e4 ,we h to suff] ) ,him6 he said 9 a curi\s tone1 8 face light+ up4 ,t is ! po9t ( ,*ri/ianity1 t ,god suff]s1 because ,he wants to remake ! _w1 & _c d x all at once4 ,t is ! secret ( all life & hope1 t if we believe 9 ,god1 we mu/ suff] ) ,him4 ,x's a fight1 a h>d fight2 & ,he ne$s u on ,8 side3 ,b ,i won't talk ab\t t n[2 yet if y don't want to believe 9 ,god1 & to be fri5ds ) ,him1 & to fight & suff] ) ,him1 y ne$n't ?9k ( com+ "h4 ,t's beh9d all ,i d4 ,& to come "h is simply t y may f9d out :]e ,he ne$s y4 ,:y writ+ is important is1 because ! _w ne$s fre] & pla9] talk ab\t ,god--ab\t beauty & heal? & happ9ess & en]gy1 & all ! ?+s :i* ,he /&s =4 ,half ! evil comes f sil5ce1 & ! end ( all my exp]im5ts is ! ^w 9 ! ,new ,te/am5t1 ,ephpha?a--,be op5$6 ,t is :at ,i try =1 to give m5 ! p[] ( op5+ _! he>ts & m9ds to o!rs1 )\t fe> & yet )\t (f5ce4 ,i don't want m5 to attack ?+s or to criticise ?+s1 b j to speak pla9ly ab\t :at is beautiful & :olesome & true4 ,s y see ?is isn't a place = lazy & fanciful p--n a =tress ( quiet1 & /ill less a place = asses to slake _! ?ir/6 ,we don't set out to amuse ourselves1 b to p]ceive ?+s1 & to say !m if we c4 ,my m5 mu/ be s\nd & s]i\s1 & !y mu/ be civil & amus+ too4 ,!y h got to le>n h[ to get on ) ea* o!r1 & ) me1 & ) ! village p--& ) ,god6 ,if y want j to dangle ab\t1 ?is isn't ! place = y2 b if y want to "w h>d & be knock$ into %ape1 ,i'll consid] x4 ,!re 0 some?+ trem5d\s ab\t ,fa!r ,payne6 ,i look$ at him ) a s5se ( t]ror4 ,8 face dissolv$ 9 a smile4 ,y ne$n't look at me l t6 he said4 ,i only want y to "k exactly :at y are 9 =6 ,i w\ld l to try1 ,i said4 ,well1 we'll see6 he said4 ,& n[ y mu/ be (f6 he add$4 ,we %all d9e 9 an h\r--y ne$n't dress4 ,"h1 y don't "k :i* y\r room is1 ,i suppose8 ,he rang ! bell1 & ,i w5t (f ) ! old butl]1 :o 0 amiable & communicative4 ,s1 y ?9k ( becom+ "o ( ! g5tlem51 sir8 he said4 ,if y'll h me1 ,i repli$4 ,oh1 t w be all "r1 sir1 he said4 ,i c\ld see t ! ,fa!r took to y at fir/ sight6 ,he %[$ me my room--a big b>e place4 ,x _h a small b$ & accessories1 b x 0 also fitt$ z a sitt+-room1 ) a writ+-table1 an arm*air1 & a bookcase full ( books4 ,! h\se 0 w>m$1 ,i saw1 ) hot wat] to a com=table temp]ature4 ,w\ld y l a fire8 he said4 ,i decl9$1 & he w5t on3 ,n[ if y liv$ "h1 sir1 y w\ld h to d t y\rself6 ,he gave a little laugh4 ,anyone may h a fire1 b !y h to lay x1 & fet* ! coal1 & clean ! grate4 ,v few ( ! g5tlem5 d x4 ,any?+ else1 sir8 ,i h put out y\r ?+s1 & y w f9d hot wat] laid on4 ,he left me1 & ,i flung myself into ! *air4 ,i _h a good deal to ?9k ab\t4 ,,iii ,,! ,,society ,a v quiet ev5+ foll[$4 ,a bell rang out above ! ro( at #h4ae4 ,i w5t d[n to ! hall1 :]e ! m5 assembl$4 ,fa!r ,payne came 94 ,he _h *ang$ 8 clo!s1 & 0 we>+ a d>k1 loose-fitt+ suit1 :i* became him well--he always look$ at home 9 8 clo!s4 ,! o!rs wore simil> suits or smok+ jackets4 ,fa!r ,payne appe>$ ab/ract$1 & only gave me a nod4 ,a gong s\nd$1 & he m>*$ /raight out ?r\gh a door by ! fireplace into ! d9+-room4 ,! d9+-room 0 a r gr& place1 panell$ 9 d>k wood1 & ) a few portraits4 ,at ea* end ( ! room 0 a section cut (f f ! c5tral portion by an oak column on ea* side4 ,?ree w9d[s on "o side look$ into ! g>d54 ,x 0 light$ by c&les only4 ,we 7 sev5 9 all1 & ,i sate by ,fa!r ,payne4 ,d9n] 0 v pla94 ,!re 0 s\p1 a jo9t ) vegetables1 & a great apple-t>t4 ,! ?+s 7 mo/ly pass$ ab\t f h& to h&1 b ! old butl] kept a b5ignant eye ^u ! proce$+s1 & saw t ,i 0 well suppli$4 ,!re 0 a good & simple cl>et 9 l>ge flat-bottom$ decant]s1 :i* mo/ ( ! m5 drank4 ,!re 0 a good deal ( talk ( a lively k9d4 ,fa!r ,payne 0 r sil5t1 ?\gh he /ruck 9 n[ & !n1 b 8 sil5ce impos$ no con/ra9t on ! p>ty4 ,he 0 press$ to tell a /ory = my b5efit1 :i* he did ) mu* reli%1 b briefly4 ,i 0 pleas$ at ! simplicity ( x all4 ,!re 0 only "o man :o seem$ a little out ( tune--a cl]ical-look+1 h&some fell[ ( ab\t ?irty1 call$ ,le/range1 ) an air ( "s solemnity4 ,he made rem>ks ( r an e>ne/ type1 & 0 ironically assail$ once or twice4 ,fa!r ,payne int]v5$ once1 & said3 ,le/range is p]fectly "r1 & y w\ld ?9k s too1 if only he c\ld give :at he said a m secul> twi/4 ',be soople 9 ?+s immat]ial1' ,le/range1 z ! m9i/] says 9 ,kidnapp$4 ,b :o is to judge if x is immat]ial8 said ,le/range r p]t9aci\sly4 ,x mo/ly is1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,any?+ is bett] ?an be+ %ock$6 ,x's bett] to be a%am$ aft]w>ds ( n speak+ up ?an to feel y h made a circle uncom=table4 ,y mu/ n rebuke p unless y really hate do+ x4 ,if y l do+ x1 y may be pretty sure t x is vanity2 a ,*ri/ian ought n to feel out ( place 9 a smok+-room6 ,! :ole ?+ did n take m ?an ?ree-qu>t]s ( an h\r4 ,c(fee 0 br\ght 91 v /rong & good4 ,"s ( ! p>ty w5t (f1 & ,fa!r ,payne disappe>$4 ,i w5t to ! smok+-room ) two ( ! m51 & we talk$ a little4 ,f9ally ,i w5t away to my room1 & tri$ to commit my impressions ( ! :ole ?+ to my di>y be=e ,i w5t to b$4 ,x c]ta9ly seem$ a happy life1 & ,i 0 /ruck ) ! curi\s mixture ( fre$om1 frankness1 & yet c\rtesy ab\t ! :ole4 ,!re 0 no r\ghness or wrangl+ or /upidity1 nor _h ,i any s5se ei!r ( exclusion1 or ( be+ elaborately includ$ 9 ! life ( ! circle4 ,i w\ld call ! atmosph]e bro!rly1 if bro!rl9ess did n (t5 mean ! sort ( frankness :i* is s unpleasant to /rang]s4 ,!re c]ta9ly 0 an atmosph]e ab\t x1 & ,i felt too t ,fa!r ,payne1 = all 8 eas9ess1 _h someh[ got ! re9s 9 8 h&s4 ,! next morn+ ,i w5t d[n to breakfa/1 :i* 01 ,i f\nd1 l breakfa/ at a club1 z ,v9c5t _h said4 ,x 0 a pla9 meal--cold bacon1 a va/ di% ( scrambl$ eggs kept hot by a _s lamp & a hot-wat] arrangem5t4 ,y c\ld make toa/ = y\rself if y wi%$1 & !re 0 a big fre% loaf1 ) excell5t butt]1 m>malade1 & jam--n an ascetic breakfa/ at all4 ,!re 7 daily pap]s on ! table1 & no "o talk$4 ,i did n see ,fa!r ,payne1 :o mu/ h come 9 lat]4 ,aft] breakfa/1 ,b>?rop %[$ me ! rooms ( ! h\se4 ,! libr>y 0 fitt$ up ) book%elves & easy-*airs = read+1 ) a big r\nd oak table 9 ! c5tre4 ,! floor 0 ( /a9$ oak bo>ds & cov]$ ) rugs4 ,!re 0 also a capaci\s smok+-room1 & ,i le>n$ t smok+ 0 n all[$ else:]e4 ,x 01 9 fact1 a solid old family mansion ( "s dignity4 ,!re 7 ?ree or f\r oil pa9t+s 9 all ! rooms1 portraits & l&scapes4 ,! g5]al tone ( decoration 0 d>k--r$ wall-pap]s & fitt+s /a9$ br[n4 ,x 0 all clean & simple1 & !re 0 a total abs5ce ( ornam5t1 ,i w5t & walk$ 9 ! g>d51 :i* 0 ( ! same v /raight=w>d k9d--pla9 grass1 %rubb]ies1 w9d+ pa?s1 ) com=table wood5 seats 9 %elt]$ places2 "o or two big b$s1 evid5tly ( old-fa%ion$ p]5nials1 & "s trellises = rambl]s4 ,! g>d5 0 adjo9$ by a sort ( wild]ness1 ) big trees & gr\nd-ivy1 & op5 spaces 9 :i* aconites & sn[drops 7 beg9n+ to %[ !mselves4 ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i ga!r$1 0 fond ( ! g>d5 & (t5 work$ !re2 b !re 7 no curiosities--x 0 all v simple4 ,beyond t 7 pa/ure-fields1 ) a good _m clumps & h$g][ trees1 runn+ d[n to a /ream1 :i* _h be5 enl>g$ into a deep pool at "o place1 :]e !re 0 a timb]$ ba?+-%$4 ,! /ream f$1 ?r\gh little sluices1 a big1 squ>e pond1 full1 ,i 0 told1 9 summ] ( bulru%es & wat]-lilies4 ,i notic$ a c\ple ( lawn-t5nis c\rts1 & !re 0 a b[l+-gre5 by ! h\se4 ,!n !re 0 a l>ge kit*5-g>d51 ) /&>ds & espali]s1 & box-edg$ b$s4 ,! /ables1 :i* 7 spaci\s1 conta9$ only a pony & ! little c>t ,i _h driv5 up 91 & a few bicycles4 ,i lik$ ! solid air ( ! big h\se1 :i* _h two w+s at ! back1 correspond+ to ! w+s 9 front2 ! long r[ ( /one p$im5t$ w9d[s1 ) heavy :ite casem5ts1 0 pla9 & /ately1 & !re 7 "s f9e magnolias & wi/]ias tra9$ ^u ! walls4 ,x all look$ /ately1 & yet home-l2 !re 0 no?+ neglect$ ab\t x1 & yet x look$ :olesomely left alone2 ev]y?+ 0 neat1 b no?+ 0 sm>t4 ,i 0 /roll+ ab\t1 enjoy+ ! gleams ( bright sun%9e & ! cold air1 :5 ,i saw ,fa!r ,payne com+ d[n ! g>d5 t[>ds me4 ,he gave me a pleasant nod3 ,i said some?+ ab\t ! beauty ( ! place2 he smil$1 & said ,yes1 x is ! k9d ( ?+ ,i l--b ,i am s us$ to x t ,i c h>dly ev5 see x6 ,t's ! wor/ ( habit2 b !re is no?+ ab\t ! place to get on y\r n]ves4 ,x's a well-br$ old h\se1 ,i ?9k1 & kn[s h[ to hold its tongue1 )\t mak+ y uncom=table1 ,!n he w5t on pres5tly3 ,y "k h[ ,i came by x8 ,x's an odd /ory4 ,x _h be5 9 my family1 till my gr&fa!r left x to 8 second wife1 & cut my fa!r out4 ,!re 0 a son by ! second wife1 :o 0 meant to h x2 b he di$1 & x w5t to a bro!r ( ! second wife1 & 8 wid[ left x back to me4 ,x 0 an entire surprise1 because ,i did n "k h]1 & ! only "t ,i _h ev] se5 ! h\se 0 once :5 ,i came d[n on ! sly1 j to look at ! old place1 little ?9k+ ,i %\ld ev] come "h4 ,%e _h "s sup]/ition ab\t x1 ,i fancy6 ,anyh[1 :ile ,i 0 grubb+ away 9 t[n1 fifte5 ye>s ago1 & h>dly able to make two ends meet1 ,i sudd5ly f\nd myself put 9 possession ( x2 & ?\gh ,i am poor1 z squires g1 ! f>ms & cottages br+ me 9 q en\gh to rub along4 ,at any rate x enabl$ me to try "s exp]im5ts1 & ,i h be5 do+ s ev] s9ce4 ,leisure & solitude6 ,^? are ! only two ?+s wor? hav+ t money c buy4 ,p]haps y don't ?9k !re's mu* solitude ab\t our life8 ,b solitude only means ! p[] to ?9k y\r own ?\ghts1 )\t hav+ o!r p's ?\ghts trail$ across ! track4 ,lonel9ess is q a diff]5t ?+1 & t's n :olesome4 ,he /roll$ on1 look+ ab\t him4 ,d y ev] g>d58 he said4 ,x's ! be/ fun 9 ! _w--mak+ plants d z y l1 :ile all ! "t !y ?9k !y are do+ z !y l4 ,t's ! secret ( x6 ,y c't bully ^! wild ?+s1 b !y are v ob$i5t1 z long z !y believe !y are free4 ,!y are l *ildr52 !y w take any am\nt ( tr\ble z long z y don't call x "w4 ,pres5tly we he>d ! clatt] ( ho(s 9 ! /able-y>d4 ,t's = y6 he said4 ,w y g & see t !y h br\ght y\r ?+s d[n8 ,i'll meet y at ! door4 ,i w5t up & f\nd my ?+s _h be5 pack$ by ! old butl]4 ,i gave him a little tip1 & he said confid5tially3 ,i d>esay we %all be see+ y back "h1 sir1 "o ( ^! days4 ,i hope s1 ,i said1 to :i* he repli$ ) a my/]i\s w9k & nod4 ,fa!r ,payne %ook h&s4 ,well1 good-bye6 he said4 ,x's good ( y to h come d[n1 & ,i'm glad to h made acqua9tance1 :atev] happ5s--,i'll drop y a l9e4 ,i drove away1 & he /ood at ! door look+ aft] me1 till ! little c>t drove out ( ! gate4 ,,iv ,,! ,,summons ,i mu/ confess t ,i 0 mu* excit$ ab\t my visit2 ! :ole ?+ seem$ to me to be almo/ too good to be true1 & ,i h>dly d>$ hope t ,i %\ld be all[$ to return4 ,i w5t back to t[n & rejo9$ ,v9c5t1 & we talk$ mu* ab\t ! delights ( ,aveley4 ,! foll[+ morn+ we ea* receiv$ a lett] 9 ,fa!r ,payne's firm h&4 ,t to ,v9c5t 0 v %ort4 ,x ran z foll[s3 ,,de> ,,v9c5t1--,i %all be glad to take y 9 if y wi% to jo9 u1 = ?ree mon?s4 ,at ! end ( t "t1 we %all bo? be entirely free to *oose4 ,i hope y w be happy "h4 ,y c come z soon z y l2 & if ,duncan1 aft] read+ my lett]1 decides to come too1 y _h bett] arrange to arrive toge!r4 ,x w save me ! tr\ble ( describ+ our way ( life to ea* sep>ately4 ,please let me h a l9e1 & ,i w see t y\r room is ready = y4--,s9c]ely y\rs1 ,c4 ,,payne4 ,t's all "r6 said ,v9c5t1 ) an air ( relief4 ,n[ :at does he say to y8 ,my lett] 0 a long] "o4 ,x ran3 ,,my ,,de> ,,"y ,,man1--,i am go+ to be v frank ) y1 & to say t1 ?\gh ,i lik$ y v mu*1 ,i ne>ly decid$ t ,i c\ld n ask y to jo9 u4 ,i w tell y :y4 ,i am n sure t y are n too easy-go+ & impulsive4 ,we %\ld all f9d y agreeable1 & ,i am sure y w\ld f9d ! :ole ?+ great fun at fir/2 b ,i r ?9k y w\ld get bor$4 ,x does n seem to me z if y _h ev] _h ! smalle/ discipl9e1 & ,i d\bt if y h ev] discipl9$ y\rself2 & discipl9e is a tiresome ?+1 unless y l x4 ,i ?9k y are quick1 receptive1 & polite--all t is to ! good4 ,b are y s]i\s8 ,i f\nd 9 y a v quick p]ception1 & y held up a flatt]+ mirror ) great spontaneity to my m9d & he>t--t 0 probably :y ,i lik$ y s mu*4 ,b ,i don't want p "h to reflect me or anyone else4 ,! :ole po9t ( my s*eme is indep5d5ce1 ) j en\gh discipl9e to keep ?+s toge!r1 l ! hem on a h&k]*ief4 ,b y may h a try1 if y wi%2 & 9 any case1 ,i ?9k y w h a pleasant ?ree mon?s "h1 & make u all sorry to lose y if y d n return4 ,i h told y\r fri5d ,v9c5t he c come1 & ,i ?9k he is m likely to /ay ?an y are1 because he is m himself4 ,i don't suppose t he took 9 ! :ole place & ! idea ( x z quickly z y did4 ,i expect y c\ld write a v int]e/+ description ( x1 & ,i don't expect he c\ld4 ,/ill1 ,i w say t ,i %all be truly sorry if1 aft] ?is lett]1 y decide n to come to u4 ,i l y\r company2 & ,i %all n get tir$ ( x4 ,b to be m frank /ill1 ,i ?9k y are "o ( ^? *>m+ & sympa!tic p :o is t\gh inside1 ) a t\ghness :i* is bas$ on ! det]m9ation to f9d ?+s amus+ & int]e/+--& t is n ! sort ( t\ghness ,i c d any?+ )4 ,p l y\rself are incapable z a rule ( suff]+1 :atev] happ5s to !m4 ,x's a v happy disposition1 b x does n gr[4 ,y are s5sitive en\gh1 b ,i don't want s5sitiv5ess1 ,i want m5 :o are n s5sitive1 & :o yet c suff] at n gett+ ne>] & m quickly ?an !y c to ! purpose ahead ( !m1 :atev] t may be4 ,x is a /iff sort ( ?+ t ,i want4 ,i c help to make a /iff nature pliable2 ,i'm n v good at mak+ a pliable nature /iff4 ,t's ! tru?4 ,s ,i %all be delight$--m ?an y ?9k--if y say ,yes4 b 9 a way m hopeful ab\t y if y say ,no4 ,come ) ,v9c5t1 if y come2 & z soon z y l4--,ev] y\rs truly1 ,c4 ,,payne4 ,does he want me to g1 or does he n8 ,i said4 ,is he lett+ me d[n ) a complim5t8 ,oh no1 said ,v9c5t1 x's all "r4 ,he only ?9ks t y are a butt]fly :i* w flutt] by1 & he w\ld r l y to d a little flutt]+ d[n !re4 ,b ,i'm n go+ to g !re1 ,i said1 to we> a cap & bells = a bit1 & !n to be spun :5 ,i h left my gold5 /ore1 l ! radiant morn2 he puts me on my mettle4 ,i w g1 & he %all keep me6 ,i don't want to fool ab\t any m4 ,all "r6 said ,v9c5t4 ,x's a b>ga91 !n6 ,w y be ready to g ! day aft] to-morr[8 ,!re are "s ?+s ,i want to buy1 n[ t ,i'm go+ to s*ool aga94 ,b ,i'm awfully reliev$--x's j :at ,i want4 ,i 0 gett+ into a mess ) all my "w1 & becom+ a muddl$ loaf]4 ,& ,i an elegant trifl]1 x appe>s1 ,i said4 ,v ,,! ,,sy/em ,we w5t (f toge!r on ! ,saturday1 & ,i ?9k we 7 bo? decid$ly n]v\s4 ,:at 7 we 9 =8 ,i _h a feel+ t ,i _h plung$ headlong into r a fooli% adv5ture4 ,we did n talk mu* on ! way d[n2 x 0 all r solemn4 ,we 7 go+ to put ! bit 9 our m\?s aga91 & ,fa!r ,payne 0 an unkn[n quantity4 ,we bo? felt t !re 0 some?+ decid$ly big & /rong !re to be reckon$ )4 ,we arriv$1 z be=e1 at tea-"t1 & we bo? receiv$ a cordial greet+4 ,aft] tea ,fa!r ,payne took u away1 & told u ! rules ( ! h\se4 ,!y 7 simple en\gh2 he describ$ ! day4 ,breakfa/ 0 f #h4cj to #i4ae1 & 0 a sil5t meal4 ,x's a bad ?+ to beg9 ! day by *att]+ & argu+1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,!n we 7 suppos$ to "w 9 our own rooms or ! libr>y till "o4 ,we might /roll ab\t1 if we wi%$1 b !re 0 to be no talk+ to anyone else1 unless he himself gave leave = any special reason4 ,lun*eon 0 a cold meal1 q in=mal1 & 0 on ! table = an h\r4 ,!re 0 to be no talk !n ei!r4 ,f two to five we c\ld d z we lik$1 & x 0 expect$ t we %\ld take at lea/ an h\r's ex]cise1 & if possible two4 ,tea at five1 & "w aft]w>ds4 ,at #h4ae1 d9n]1 & we c\ld d z we wi%$ aft]w>ds1 b we 7 n to congregate 9 anyone's room1 & x 0 und]/ood t no "o 0 to g to ano!r man's b$room1 :i* 0 also 8 /udy1 at any "t1 unless he 0 def9itely invit$1 or j to ask a "q4 ,! smok+-room 0 always free = g5]al talk1 b ,fa!r ,payne said t on ! :ole he disc\rag$ any ga!r+s or cliques4 ,! po9t ( ! :ole 0 solit>y "w1 ) en\gh company to keep ?+s fre% & com=table4 ,he said t we 7 expect$ to valet ourselves entirely1 & t if we want$ a fire1 we mu/ lay x & clean x up aft]w>ds4 ,if we want$ to get any?+1 or h any?+ done1 we c\ld ask him or ! butl]4 ,b ,i r expect ev]yone to look aft] himself1 he said4 ,we 7 n to abs5t ourselves )\t 8 leave1 & we 7 to g away if he told u to d s4 ,sometimes a man wants a little *ange & does n "k x1 he said4 ,!n he also said t he w\ld ask u1 f "t to "t1 :at we 7 do+--he> x read1 & criticise x2 & t "o ( ! mo/ def9ite conditions ( our rema9+ 0 t he mu/ be satisfi$ t we really 7 at "w4 ,if we want$ any special books1 he said1 we might ask him1 & he c\ld g5]ally get !m f ! ,london ,libr>y2 b t we %\ld f9d a good _m books ( ref]5ce & /&>d works 9 ! libr>y4 ,he told u1 too1 ( c]ta9 conditions ( :i* we _h n he>d--t we 7 to be away1 ei!r at home1 or travell+ :]ev] he *ose to s5d u1 = ?ree mon?s 9 ! ye>1 & t he suppli$ ! funds if necess>y4 ,moreov]1 = "o mon? 9 ! summ] he kept op5 h\se4 ,half ( u 7 to g away = ! fir/ =tnight 9 ,july1 & ! o!r half 7 to /ay & ent]ta9 8 gue/s1 or ev5 our own1 if we wi%$ to invite !m2 !n ! o!r half ( ! m5 return$1 & _h _! gue/s to ent]ta91 :ile ! fir/ half w5t away2 & t dur+ t "t !re 0 to be v little "w done4 ,we 7 n to be always writ+1 b !re 0 to be read+1 ab\t :i* he w\ld advise4 ,once a week !re 0 a meet+1 on ,saturday ev5+1 :5 "o ( ! m5 _h to read some?+ al\d1 & be g5]ally criticis$4 ,y see ! idea8 he said4 ,x s\nds complicat$ n[1 b x really is v simple4 ,x is j to get solid "w done regul>ly1 ) a c]ta9 am\nt ( sup]vision & criticism1 &1 :at is m important /ill1 real int]vals ( travell+4 ,i %all s5d y to a p>ticul> place = a p>ticul> purpose1 & y w h to write ab\t x on l9es :i* ,i %all indicate4 ,! dang] ( ?is sort ( life is t ( gett+ /ale4 ,t's :y ,i don't want y to see too mu* ( ea* o!r4 ,& la/ ( all1 he said1 r gravely1 y mu/ d :at ,i tell y to d4 ,!re mu/ be no mi/ake ab\t t--b ) all ! app>5t discipl9e ( x1 ,i believe y w f9d x wor? :ile4 ,!n he saw u ea* sep>ately4 ,he inquir$ into our f9ances4 ,v9c5t _h a small all[ance f 8 p>5ts1 ab\t #ej1 :i* he 0 told to keep = pocket-money1 b ,fa!r ,payne said he w\ld pay 8 travell+ exp5ses4 ,i ga!r$ t he gave an all[ance to m5 :o _h no?+ ( _! own4 ,he told me t ,i %\ld h to travel at my own exp5se1 b he 0 c>eful fir/ to inquire :e!r my "m 0 9 any way dep5d5t on me4 ,!n he said to me ) a smile3 ,i am glad y decid$ to come--,i ?\ght my lett] w\ld h (f5d$ y4 ,no8 ,t's all "r4 ,n[1 ,i don't expect h]oic ex]tions--j h>d "w4 ,m9d1 he said1 ,i w add "o ?+ to my lett]1 & t is t ,i ?9k y may make a success ( ?is--if y d take to x1 y w d well2 b y w h to be pati5t1 & y may h a dre>y "t2 b ,i want y to tell me exactly at any "t h[ y are feel+ ab\t x4 ,y won't be driv51 & ,i ?9k y\r dang] is t y may try to make ! pace too mu*4 ,he fur!r ask$ me exactly :at ,i 0 writ+4 ,x happ5$ to be "s essays on lit]>y subjects4 ,he m5tion$ a few books1 & told me x w\ld d v well to />t )4 ,he 0 v k9d & fa!rly 9 8 mann]1 & :5 ,i rose to g1 he put 8 arm ?r\gh m9e & said3 ,come1 x w be /range if we c't hit x (f toge!r4 ,i l y\r pres5ce & talk1 & am glad to ?9k y are 9 ! h\se4 ,don't be anxi\s6 ,! difficulty ) y is t y w =esee all y\r tr\bles be=eh&1 & try to bolt !m 9 a lump1 in/ead ( swall[+ !m "o by "o z !y come4 ,live = ! day6 ,!re 0 some?+ magnetic ab\t him1 = by ^! few words he e/abli%$ a little special relation ) me :i* 0 nev] brok54 ,:5 he dismiss$ me1 ,i w5t & *ang$ my ?+s1 & !n came d[n4 ,i f\nd t x 0 ! cu/om = ! m5 to g d[n to ! hall ab\t eight4 ,fa!r ,payne said t x 0 a great mi/ake to "w to ! la/ m9ute1 & !n to ru% 9 to d9n]4 ,he said x made p n]v\s & dyspeptic4 ,he g5]ally /roll$ 9 himself a few m9utes be=e1 & sate sil5t by ! fire4 ,j z x /ruck eight1 & ! hum ( ! clock 9 ! hall di$ away1 a little tune 9 h>mony1 l a gavotte1 0 play$ by s(tly-t+l+ t9y bells4 ,i c\ld n tell :]e ! music came f2 x seem$ to me l ! ,ariel music 9 ,! ,tempe/1 betwe5 e>? & heav51 or ! *im+ %[] ( r>e device 9 ,! ,b]yl ,/one4 ,fa!r ,payne smil$ at ! little ge/ure ,i involunt>ily made4 ,y're "r6 he said1 :5 x 0 ov]4 ,h[ c p talk ?r\gh t8 ,x's ! clock 9 ! gall]y t does x--!y say x belong$ to ,george ,,iii4 ,i hope1 if s1 t x gave him a few happi] mom5ts6 ,x is an +5i\s little ?+1 ) silv] bells & hamm]s2 ,i'll %[ x y "s day4 ,x r+s e f\r h\rs4 ,i ?9k ,i _h r n see ! ma*9]y1 ,i said4 ,i nev] he>d any?+ s delici\s4 ,y're "r aga91 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ',! isle is full ( noises1 ,s\nds & sweet airs1 t give delight & hurt n4' ,let x /ay at t6 ,i little ?\ght h[ mu* ,i %\ld gr[ to connect t fairy gavotte ) ,aveley4 ,x always seem$ to me l a *oir ( spirits4 ,i w\ld awake sometimes on summ] nights & he> x *im+ 9 ! sil5t h\se1 or at noon x w\ld come fa9tly ?r\gh ! passages4 ,t1 & ! songs ( ! birds 9 ! %rubb]ies1 always fla% into my m9d :5 ,i ?9k ( ! place2 because x 0 ess5tially a sil5t h\se1 m noiseless ?an any ,i h ev] liv$ 92 & ,i love ! ?\ght ( its sil5ce2 & ( its fragrance--= t 0 ano!r note ( ! place4 ,9 ! hall /ood great *9a j>s ) pi]c$ cov]s1 :i* 7 always full ( pot-p\rri2 !re 0 ano!r 9 ! libr>y1 & ano!r 9 ,fa!r ,payne's /udy1 & two m 9 ! passage above :i* look$ out by ! little gall]y ^u ! hall4 ,sil5ce & fragrance always1 9 ! backgr\nd ( all we did2 & outl9+ itself ^u ! /illness1 ! little melody1 jett+ out l a f\nta9 ( silv] s\nd4 ,,vi ,,fa!r ,,payne ,t ev5+ aft] d9n] we two 7 left ) ,b>?rop 9 ! smok+-room1 & we talk$ freely ab\t ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b>?rop said t 8 pa/ 0 a little my/]i\s4 ,he 0 at ,m>lbor\gh1 y "k1 & ,ox=d2 & aft] t1 he liv$ 9 t[n1 took pupils1 & tri$ to write--b he 0 n successful1 & _h mu* difficulty 9 gett+ along4 ,:at is 8 l9e exactly8 said ,v9c5t4 ,t's j x1 said ,b>?rop1 he hasn't any l9e4 ,he has a wide k ( ?+s1 & is quick] at pick+ up ! drift ( a subject ?an anyone ,i "k2 & he has a r>e p[] ( criticism4 ,b he isn't any?+ 9 p>ticul>4 ,he c't write a bit1 he is n a speak]1 he isn't le>n$1 he c tea* able p1 b he c\ldn't tea* /upid m5--he hasn't en\gh pati5ce4 ,i c't imag9e any l9e ( life = :i* he w\ld be exactly fitt$3 & yet he's ! bigge/ p]son ,i h ev] met2 he c>ries u all along ) him1 l a riv]4 ,y c't resi/ him1 y c't contradict him4 ,t is ! "o dang]1 t he ex]ts m influ5ce ?an he kn[s1 s t :5 y are ) him1 x is h>d to be q y\rself4 ,b he puts ! w9d into y\r sails2 &1 my ^w1 he c take x out ( y\r sails1 if he likes6 ,i h only se5 him really angry ab\t twice1 & !n x 0 really appall+4 ,once 0 :5 a man li$ to him1 & once 0 :5 a man 0 imp]t95t to him4 ,he simply bla/$ !m ) 8 displeasure--t is ! only ^w4 ,he hates gett+ angry--,i expect he _h a bad temp] once--& he apologises aft]w>ds2 b x's no use--x's l a ?und]/orm apologis+ to a tree :i* has be5 /ruck4 ,i don't ?9k he kn[s 8 /r5g?4 ,he believes himself to be s5sitive & weak-will$--,i h he>d him say s4 ,! fact is t he dislikes do+ an unpleasant ?+ or speak+ sev]ely2 & he w take a lot ( tr\ble to avoid a sc5e1 or to keep an irritable man 9 a good temp]4 ,b if he lets himself loose6 ,i c't express to y ! sort ( t]ror ,i h 9 ?9k+ ( ^? two occasions4 ,he didn't say v mu*1 b he look$ z if he 7 possess$ by any numb] ( devils4 ,he 0 nev] m>ri$1 ,i suppose8 ,i said4 ,no1 said ,b>?rop1 & yet he seems to make fri5ds ) wom5 v easily--9 fact1 !y t5d to fall 9 love ) him1 if ,i may say s4 ,he has got a beautiful mann] ) !m1 & he is simply devot$ to *ildr54 ,y w see t !y really r wor%ip him 9 ! village4 ,he kn[s ev]yone 9 ! place1 & nev] =gets a fact ab\t !m4 ,:at does he d mo/ly8 ,i said4 ,i really don't "k1 said ,b>?rop4 ,he is r a solit>y man4 ,he v (t5 has "o ( u 9 = an h\r 9 ! ev5+ or morn+--b we don't see mu* ( him 9 ! aft]noon2 he g>d5s or walks ab\t4 ,he has a quick eye = ?+s1 birds & plants1 & s on2 & he c f9d m ne/s 9 an h\r ?an any man ,i ev] saw4 ,sometimes he w g & %ut himself up 9 ! *ur*--he is r fond ( go+ to *ur*2 he always goes to ! ,communion4 ,does he expect u to g8 ,i said4 ,no1 said ,b>?rop4 ,he r likes u to g1 b he doesn't at all l u go+ to please him4 ',i want y to want to g1' ,i he>d him say once1 'b ,i don't want y to g because ,i want y4' ,& he has no p>ticul> views1 ,i ?9k1 ab\t ! :ole ?+--at lea/ n = o!r p4 ,tell me "s m ab\t him1 ,i said4 ,:at is !re to say8 said ,b>?rop4 ,he is j !re--! bigge/ fact on ! horizon4 ,oh yes1 !re is "o ?+2 he is trem5d\sly devot$ to music4 ,we h "s music 9 ! ev5+s v (t54 ,y saw ! organ 9 ! gall]y--x is r a f9e "o1 & he g5]ally has someone "h :o c play4 ,le/range is a fir/-rate musician4 ,fa!r ,payne c't play himself1 b he kn[s all ab\t x1 & composes sometimes4 ,b ,i ?9k he looks on music z r a dang]\s indulg5ce1 & does n all[ himself v mu* ( x4 ,y c see h[ x affects him4 ,& y mu/n't be tak5 9 by 8 mann]4 ,y might ?9k him heavy & unp]ceptive1 ) t quiet & r secret eye ( 82 yet he notices ev]y?+1 always1 & f> quick] ?an anyone else4 ,b x is h>d to describe him1 because he c't d any?+ mu*1 & y might ?9k he 0 indol5t2 & yet he is ! bigge/ p]son ,i h ev] se51 ! "o drawback be+ t he cr$its o!r p ) be+ big too4 ,i notice t y call him ',fa!r ,payne1' said ,v9c5t4 ,does t mean any?+ 9 p>ticul>8 ,no1 said ,b>?rop1 smil+4 ,x began z a sort ( joke1 ,i believe--b x seem$ to fit him2 & x's r conv5i5t4 ,we c't beg9 by call+ him ',payne1' & ',mr4 ,payne' is a little =mal4 ,"s ( ! m5 call him 'sir1' b ,i ?9k he likes ',fa!r ,payne' be/1 or simply ',fa!r1' ,y w f9d x exactly expresses him4 ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i am sure x does6 ,i did n sleep mu* t night4 ,! great *ange 9 my life _h all tak5 place ) su* rapidity & ease t ,i felt bewild]$1 & ! ?\ght ( ! "t ahead 0 full ( a vague excitem5t4 ,b mo/ ( all ! ?\ght ( ,fa!r ,payne ran 9 my m9d1 ,i reg>d$ him ) a s+ul> mixture ( int]e/1 lik+1 admiration1 & dread4 ,yet he _h contriv$ to k9dle a curi\s flame 9 my m9d4 ,x 0 n t ,i fully und]/ood :at he 0 work+ =1 b ,i 0 consci\s ( a great desire to prove to him t ,i c\ld d some?+1 exhibit "s t5acity1 approve myself to him4 ,i want$ to make him retract :at he _h said ab\t me2 &1 fur!r on1 ,i _h a dim s5se ( an initiation into ideas1 famili> en\gh1 b :i* _h only be5 words to me hi!rto--p[]1 purpose1 s]i\sness4 ,!y _h be5 ideas :i* be=e ?is _h j vaguely tr\bl$ my peace1 cl\ds hang+ 9 a bright sky4 ,i _h ! s5se t !re 7 "s duties :i* ,i ought to p]=m1 ef=ts to be made1 ends to fulfil2 b !y _h seem$ to me express$ 9 r priggi% phrases1 words :i* oppress$ me1 & ruffl$ ! surface ( my easy joy4 ,n[ !y loom$ up be=e me z big realities :i* c\ld n be escap$1 hills to climb1 ) no pleasant pa? r\nd ab\t _! bases4 ,i seem$ 9 sight ( "s inspir+ secret4 ,i c\ld n tell :at x 01 b ,fa!r ,payne knew x1 might %[ x me8 ,?us ,i dr[s$ & woke1 a doz5 times1 till 9 ! glimm] ( ! e>ly light ,i rose & drew back my curta9s4 ,! dawn 0 /ruggl+ up fitfully 9 ! ea/1 among cl\dy b>s1 tipp+ & edg+ !m ) sm\ld]+ fla%es ( light1 & !re 0 a lu/r\s radiance 9 ! air4 ,!n1 to my surprise1 look+ d[n at ! sil5t g>d51 pale ) dew1 ,i saw ! great figure ( ,fa!r ,payne1 b>e-head$1 wrapt 9 a cloak1 pac+ solidly &1 ,i ?\ght1 happily among ! %rubb]ies1 /opp+ e n[ & !n to wat* ! fi]y light & to brea! ! invigorat+ air--& ,i felt !n t1 :atev] he might be do+1 he at all ev5ts 0 some?+1 9 a s5se :i* appli$ to b few p ,i knew4 ,he 0 n h>d1 unimag9ative1 f5c$ 9 by /upidity & self-righte\sness f unhapp9ess & d\bt1 z 7 "s ( ! m5 acc\nt$ successful :om ,i knew4 ,no1 x 0 some?+ positive1 "s self-creat$ light1 "s /irr+ ( hidd5 =ce1 t emanat$ f him1 su* z ,i _h nev] enc\nt]$ be=e4 ,,vii ,,! ,,m5 ,i c attempt no sort ( *ronicle ( our days1 :i* inde$ 7 quiet & simple en\gh4 ,i h only pres]v$ 9 my di>y ! record ( a few sc5es & talks & incid5ts4 ,i w1 h[ev]1 fir/ indicate h[ our p>ty1 z ,i knew x1 0 con/itut$1 s t ! record may be intelligible4 ,fir/ ( u came ,leon>d ,b>?rop1 :o 01 p>tly by 8 s5iority & p>tly by 8 temp]am5t1 a sort ( second-9-comm& 9 ! h\se1 mu* consult$ & tru/$ by ,fa!r ,payne4 ,he 0 a man ( ab\t ?irty-five1 grave1 humor\s1 pleasant4 ,if "o 0 9 a m9or difficulty1 too trivial to take to ,fa!r ,payne1 x 0 natural to consult ,b>?rop2 & he sometimes1 too1 w\ld say a ^w ( w>n+ to a man1 if a /orm seem$ to be brew+4 ,x mu/ n be d5i$ t m5 occasionally got on ,fa!r ,payne's n]ves1 q unconsci\sly1 ?r\gh tactlessness or /upid mann]isms--& ,b>?rop 0 able to smoo? ! situation out by a ^w 9 season4 ,he _h a p[] ( do+ ?is )\t giv+ (f5ce1 f ! obvi\s goodwill :i* p]meat$ all he did4 ,b>?rop 0 n v sociable or talkative1 & he 0 occupi$1 ,i ?9k1 9 "s sort ( hi/orical rese>*--,i believe he has s9ce made 8 "n z a judici\s & int]e/+ hi/orian2 b ,i knew little ( :at he 0 do+1 & inde$ 0 h>dly intimate ) him1 ?\gh always at ease 9 8 company4 ,he 0 n a man ) /rong pref]5ces or prejudices1 nor 0 he 9 any s5se a brilliant or sugge/ive writ]1 ,i ?9k he _h m]g$ himself v mu* 9 ! life ( our little society1 & kept ?+s toge!r m ?an ,i 0 at fir/ aw>e4 ,!n came ,kaye1 "o ( ! lea/ conspicu\s ( ! :ole gr\p1 ?\gh he has s9ce become p]haps ! be/ kn[n1 by 8 poems & 8 beautiful critical /udies 9 bo? art & lit]ature4 ,kaye is kn[n z "o ( ^? r>e figures 9 lit]ature1 a creative critic4 ,8 ri* & elaborate /yle1 8 exquisite sidelights1 8 poetical faculty ( int]pretation1 make 8 "w fam\s1 ?\gh h>dly popul>4 ,b ,i f\nd t he work$ v sl[ly & ev5 pa9fully1 delib]ately secret+ 8 honey1 & deposit+ x cell by cell4 ,he _h a peculi> intimacy ) ,fa!r ,payne1 :o treat$ him ) a m>k$ respect4 ,kaye 0 by f> ! mo/ absorb$ ( ! p>ty1 w5t & came l a great mo?1 0 ! fir/ to disappe>1 & g5]ally ! la/ to arrive4 ,nei!r did he make any attempt at fri5d%ip4 ,he 0 a h&some & graceful fell[1 n[ ab\t ?irty1 ) a worn sort ( beauty 9 8 /rik+ features1 curl+ hair1 long languid frame1 & f9e h&s4 ,8 h&s1 ,i us$ to ?9k1 7 ! mo/ eloqu5t ?+s ab\t him1 & he 0 ev] mak+ sil5t little ge/ures ) !m1 z ?\gh !y 7 accompany+ unutt]$ tra9s ( ?\ght2 b he _h1 too1 a /ra9$ & impati5t air1 z if he f\nd ! pursuit ( phrases a we>+ & haz>d\s occupation4 ,i us$ to feel ,kaye ! mo/ attractive & impressive ( our society2 b he nei!r made nor notic$ any signals ( goodwill1 ?\gh always c\rte\s & k9dly4 ,poll>d 0 a totally diff]5t man3 he 0 ab\t tw5ty-eight1 & he 0 writ+ "s "w ( fiction4 ,he 0 a small1 /urdy1 rubicund creature1 ) beady eyes & p9k *eeks1 *]ubic 9 aspect1 entirely good-natur$ & lively1 full ( n v exalt$ hum\r1 & ) a t5d5cy to wild & ev5 hy/]ical giggl+4 ,i us$ to ?9k t ,fa!r ,payne did n l him v mu*2 b he 0 a quick & regul> work]1 & x 0 impossible to f9d fault ) him4 ,he 0 extremely sociable & appreciative1 & ,i us$ to f9d 8 company a relief f ! /ra9 :i* at times made itself felt4 ,poll>d _h a way ( gett+ involv$ 9 absurd adv5tures1 :i* he relat$ ) imm5se gu/o2 & he _h a really wond]ful p[] ( description--m s 9 conv]sation ?an 9 writ+--& ( humor\s exagg]ation1 :i* made him a delightful companion4 ,b he 0 nev] able to put ! be/ ( himself into 8 books1 :i* t5d$ to be s5tim5tal & ev5 conv5tional4 ,!n !re 0 ,le/range2 & ,i ?9k he 0 ! lea/ cong5ial ( ! lot4 ,he 0 a h&some1 r cl]ical-look+ man ( ab\t tw5ty-eight1 :o _h be5 br\ght up to take ord]s1 & _h decid$ aga9/ do+ s4 ,he 0 v mu* 9 e>ne/1 9 r a tiresome way1 & 8 phrases 7 conv5tional & pieti/ic4 ,i us$ to feel t he j>r$ a good deal on ,fa!r ,payne1 b mu* 0 =giv5 him because ( 8 musical tal5ts1 :i* 7 really rem>kable4 ,8 organ-play+1 ) its v]ve1 its delicacy1 & its quiet ma/]y1 0 delici\s to he>1 he 0 engag$ 9 writ+ music ma9ly1 & _h a piano all to himself 9 a little remote room beyond ! d9+-room1 :i* look$ out to ! /able-y>d & _h =m]ly be5 an e/ate-(fice4 ,we us$ to he> fa9t s\nds waft$ d[n ! g>d5 :5 ! w9d 0 9 ! we/4 ,he 0 fri5dly1 b he _h ! absorption ( ! musician 9 8 art1 :i* is unlike all o!r arti/ic absorptions1 because x seems lit]ally to *eck ! gr[? ( o!r qualities & int]e/s4 ,9 fact1 9 _m ways ,le/range 0 l a pi\s *ild4 ,he 0 apt to be snubb$ by ,fa!r ,payne1 b he 0 :olly indiff]5t to all irony4 ,i us$ to li/5 to him play+ ! organ 9 ! ev5+s1 & a language ( emotions & visions c]ta9ly /ream$ f 8 f+]s :i* he 0 nev] able to put into words4 ,fa!r ,payne treat$ him z "o might treat an inspir$ fool1 ) a mixture ( respect & %>pness4 ,!n !re 0 ,rose1 a man ( tw5ty-five1 a curi\s mixture ( k1 cynicism1 en]gy1 & affectionat5ess4 ,i f\nd ,rose a v cong5ial companion1 ?\gh ,i nev] felt sure :at he ?\ght1 & nev] air$ my en?usiasms 9 8 pres5ce4 ,he _h great aplomb1 & 0 tr\bl$ by no %yness nor hesitation4 ,!re 0 a t\* ( fro/9ess at times betwe5 him & ,fa!r ,payne4 ,rose 0 p>adoxical & :imsical1 & 0 apt to support fanta/ic positions ) app>5t e>ne/ness4 ,b he 0 an extremely capable & s5sible man1 & _h a knack ( dropp+ 8 cont5ti\sness ! mom5t x began to give (f5ce4 ,he 0 by f> ! mo/ mundane ( u1 & _h "s comm& ( money4 ,i us$ to fancy t ,fa!r ,payne 0 a little afraid ( him1 :5 he display$ 8 v consid]able k ( ! _w4 ,8 fa!r 0 a weal?y man1 a memb] ( ,p>liam5t1 & ,rose really knew social p]sonages ( ! day4 ,i d\bt if he 0 ev] q 9 sympa?y ) ! idea ( ! place1 b ,i us$ to feel t 8 pres5ce 0 a :olesome sort ( corrective1 l ! v9eg> 9 ! salad4 ,i believe he 0 writ+ a play1 b he has done no?+ s9ce 9 lit]ature1 & 0 9 _m ways m l a visitor ?an an inmate4 ,!n came my fri5d ,v9c5t1 a solid1 good-natur$1 h>d-work+ man1 ) a real en?usiasm = lit]ature1 n v critical or ev5 imag9ative1 b ) a faculty = cle> & c>eful writ+4 ,he 0 at "w on a reali/ic novel1 :i* made "s little reputation2 b he has become s9ce1 :at ,i ?9k he always 0 meant to be1 an able j\rnali/ & an excell5t lead]-writ] on political & social topics4 ,v9c5t 0 ! mo/ int]e/$ ( all ( u 9 curr5t affairs1 b at ! same "t _h a quiet sort ( en?usiasm1 & a p[] ( idealis+ p1 ard5tly b uns5tim5tally1 :i* made him ! mo/ loyal ( fri5ds4 ,! only o!r p]son ( :om we saw any?+ 0 ! ,vic> ( ! p>i%--a safe1 decor\s1 useful man1 a di/ant c\s9 ( ,fa!r ,payne's4 ,8 wife 0 a good-hum\r$ & conv5tional woman4 ,_! two daught]s 7 pleasant1 unaffect$ girls1 j come to womanhood4 ,le/range aft]w>ds m>ri$ "o ( !m4 ,we 7 n mu* tr\bl$ by sociabilities4 ,! place 0 r isolat$1 & ,fa!r ,payne _h ! reputation ( be+ some?+ ( an ecc5tric4 ,moreov]1 ! big neighb\r+ doma91 ,:itbury ,p>k1 block$ all access to nor? & we/4 ,! own] 0 an old & invalid pe]1 :o liv$ a v seclud$ life & ent]ta9$ no "o4 ,to ! s\? !re 0 no?+ = miles b f>ms & hamlets1 :ile ! only ne> neighb\r 9 ! ea/ 0 a hunt+ squire1 :o ?\ght ,fa!r ,payne kept a sort ( bo>d+-h\se1 & ignor$ him entirely4 ,! result 0 t call]s 7 absolutely unkn[n1 & ! wilde/ =m ( dissipation 0 t ,poll>d & ,rose occasionally play$ lawn-t5nis at neighb\r+ vic>ages4 ,we 7 n (t5 all !re toge!r1 because ,fa!r ,payne's s*eme ( travel 0 /rictly adh]$ to4 ,he consid]$ x a v integral "p ( our life4 ,i nev] q knew :at 8 plan 02 b he w\ld s5d a man (f1 g5]ally alone1 ) a solid sum = travell+ exp5ses4 ,?us ,le/range 0 s5t = a mon? to ,b]l9 :5 ,joa*im held c\rt !re1 or to ,dresd5 & ,muni*4 ,i rememb] ,poll>d & ,v9c5t be+ pack$ (f to ,switz]l& toge!r to climb m\nta9s1 ) /]n injunctions to be sociable4 ,rose w5t to ,spa91 to ,p>is1 to ,/4 ,pet]sburg4 ,kaye w5t m ?an once to ,italy2 b we (t5 w5t to diff]5t p>ts ( ,engl&1 & !n we 7 g5]ally all[$ to g toge!r2 b ,fa!r ,payne's !ory 0 t we %\ld travel alone1 le>n to pick up fri5ds1 & to f5d = ourselves4 ,he _h acqua9tances 9 sev]al p>ts ( ! ,cont95t1 & we 7 g5]ally provid$ ) a lett] ( introduction to "s "o4 ,we _h a =tnight 9 ,june & a =tnight at ,*ri/mas to g home--s t we 7 always away = ?ree mon?s 9 ! ye>1 :ile ,fa!r ,payne 0 apt to s5d u (f = a week at a "t1 if he ?\ght we ne$$ a *ange4 ,b>?rop1 ,i ?9k1 made 8 own plans1 & x 0 all reasonable en\gh1 z ,fa!r ,payne w\ld always li/5 to objections4 ,"s ( u paid = ourselves on ^? t\rs1 b he 0 always will+ to supplem5t x g5]\sly4 ,x us$ to be a puzzle to me h[ ,fa!r ,payne _h ! comm& ( s mu* money2 8 e/ate 0 n l>ge2 b 9 ! fir/ place he sp5t v little on himself1 & our life 0 extremely simple4 ,moreov]1 ,i became aw>e t "s ( 8 =m] pupils & fri5ds us$ to s5d him money at times = ?is express purpose4 ,! /aff consi/$ ( ! old butl]1 ^: wife 0 cook4 ,!re 7 ?ree o!r maid-s]vants2 ! g>d5] 0 also coa*man4 ,! h\se 0 c]ta9ly clean & well-kept2 we look$ aft] ourselves to a great ext5t2 b !re 0 nev] any app>5t lack ( money1 ?\gh1 on ! o!r h&1 !re 0 e sign ( c>eful economy4 ,fa!r ,payne nev] talk$ ab\t money4 ,x's an int]e/+ ?+1 money1 ,i h he>d him say1 & x's curi\s to see h[ p h&le x--b we mu/ n d x too mu* hon\r1 & x isn't a ?+ t c be spok5 ( 9 g5]al conv]sation4 ,,viii ,,! ,,me?od ,i d n propose to make any hi/ory ( ev5ts1 or to say h[1 )9 a v %ort "t1 ,i fell into ! life ( ! place4 ,i w only say :at 7 ! features ( ! s*eme1 & h[ ! rule1 su* z x 01 work$ out4 ,fir/ ( all1 & above all1 came ! p]sonality ( ,fa!r ,payne1 :i* p]meat$ & su/a9$ ! :ole affair4 ,x 0 n t he made x 8 bus9ess to drive u along4 ,x 0 n a case ( ! guid+ h& 9 front & ! propell+ foot beh9d4 ,he seldom int]f]$1 & sometimes = a consid]able space "o w\ld h no v direct contact ) him4 ,he 0 a man :o 0 always int5t1 b by no means always int5t on %eph]d+4 ,i %\ld f9d x h>d to say h[ he sp5t 8 "t4 ,he 0 sometimes to all appe>ances entirely indol5t & good-natur$1 :5 he w\ld /roll ab\t1 talk to ! p 9 ! village1 & look aft] ! little f>m :i* he kept 9 8 own h&s "u a bailiff4 ,at ano!r "t he w\ld be = long toge!r 9 an ab/ract$ mood1 sil5t1 abs5t-m9d$1 pursu+ "s tra9 ( ?\ght4 ,at ano!r "t he w\ld be v busy ) :at we 7 do+1 & hold long int]views ) u1 mak+ u read our "w to him & giv+ u detail$ criticisms4 ,on ^! occasions he 0 extremely /imulat+1 = ! simple reason t he always seem$ to grasp :at x 0 t "o 0 aim+ at1 & 8 criticisms 7 all direct$ to ! "q ( h[ f> ! orig9al conception 0 be+ work$ out4 ,he did n1 z a rule1 po9t out a diff]5t conception1 or indicate h[ ! "w c\ld be done on o!r l9es4 ,he always grasp$ ! plan & int5tion1 & really seem$ to be inside ! m9d ( ! contriv]4 ,he w\ld say2 ,i ?9k ! !me is weak "h--& y c't make a weak place /rong by fill+ x ) details1 h[ev] good 9 !mselves4 ,t is l try+ to m5d ! ,sl\gh ( ,despond ) c>tloads ( texts4 ,! ?+ is n to fall 91 or1 if y fall 91 to get out4 ,8 ?ree divisions ( a subject 7 :at y say1 :at y want$ to say1 :at y ought to h want$ to say4 ,sometimes he w\ld li/5 9 sil5ce1 & !n say3 ,i c't criticise t--x is all (f ! l9es4 ,y _h bett] de/roy x & beg9 aga91 ,or he w\ld say3 ,y _h bett] revise t & poli% x up4 ,x won't be any good :5 x is done--^! pat*$-up ?+s nev] are2 b x w be good practice1 ,he 0 enc\rag+1 because he nev] ov]look$ ! good po9ts ( any piece ( writ+4 ,he w\ld say3 ,! detail is good1 b x is all too big = its place1 q out ( scale2 x is l a huge e> on a small head1 ,or he w\ld say3 ,^? are all ?+s wor? say+ & well said1 b !y are mu* too diffuse4 ,he us$ to tell me t ,i 0 apt to /op ! c>riage :5 ,i 0 b\nd on a rapid transit1 & g = a saunt] among fields4 ,i don't object to y\r saunt]+1 b y mu/ int5d to saunt]--y mu/ n be attract$ by a pleasant footpa?4 ,sometimes he c\ld be sev]e1 ,t's vulg>1 he once said to me1 & y c't make x attractive by ?r[+ sc5t ab\t1 ,or he w\ld say3 ,t's a platitude--:i* means t x may be wor? ?9k+ & feel+1 b n wor? say+4 ,y c dep5d ^u y\r read] feel+ x )\t y\r help1 ,or he w\ld say3 ,y don't und]/& t po9t4 ,x is a case ( ! bl9d lead+ ! bl9d4 ,cut ! :ole passage1 & ?9k x out aga91 ,or he w\ld say3 ,t is all too compress$4 ,y began by walk+1 & n[ y are jump+4 ,or he w\ld say3 ,!re is a note ( p]sonal irritation ab\t t2 x s\nds z if y _h be5 read+ an unpleasant review4 ,x is l ! compla9t ( ! night+ale lean+ h] brea/ aga9/ a ?orn 9 ord] to get ! s5sation ( pa94 ,y seem to be wip+ y\r eyes all ?r\gh--y h n got f> en\gh away f y\r vexation4 ,y\r attempt to give x a humor\s turn rem9ds me ( ,miss ,sque]s' titt]--y mu/ nev] titt]6 ,once or twice 9 e>ly times ,i us$ to ask him h[ he w\ld d x4 ,don't ask me6 he said4 ,i hav5't got to d x--t's y\r bus9ess2 x's no use y\r do+ x 9 my way2 all ,i "k is t y are n do+ x 9 y\r way4 ,he 0 v quick at notic+ any mann]isms or fav\rite words4 ,all good writ]s h mann]isms1 ( c\rse1 he w\ld say1 b ! mom5t t ! read] sees t x is a mann]ism ! *>m is gone4 ,8 praise 0 r>ely giv51 & :5 x came x 0 g5]\s & ri*4 ,t is excell5t1 ,i c he> him say1 ,y h fill$ y\r space exactly1 & fill$ x well4 ,!re is n a ^w to add or to take away4 ,he 0 always prep>$ to li/5 to argum5t or def5ce4 ,v well--read x aga94 ,!n1 at ! end1 he w\ld say3 ,yes1 !re is some?+ 9 t4 ,y meant to anticipate8 ,i don't m9d t6 ,b y h anticipat$ too mu*1 made x too cle>2 x %\ld j be a h9t1 no m1 :i* w be expla9$ lat]4 ,don't blurt6 ,y h tak5 ! w9d out ( y\r sails by expla9+ x too fully4 ,sometimes he w\ld leave u alone = two or ?ree weeks toge!r1 & !n say frankly t "o _h be5 wa/+ "t1 or ! rev]se4 ,y mu/ n dep5d ^u me too mu*2 y mu/ le>n to walk alone4 ,e week we _h a meet+1 at :i* "s "o read a fragm5t al\d4 ,at ^! meet+s he criticis$ little himself1 b devot$ 8 att5tion to our criticisms4 ,he w\ld n all[ h>%ness or abruptness 9 :at we said4 ,we don't want y\r conclusions or y\r impressions--we want y\r reasons4 ,or he w\ld say3 ,t is a fair criticism1 b unsympa!tic4 ,x is 9 ! _s ( a review] :o wants to sma% a man4 ,we don't want ,/eph5 to be /on$ "h1 we want him confut$4 ,i rememb] once h[ he said ) indignation3 ,t is simply ?r[+ a rott5 egg6 ,& its maturity %[s t x 0 kept = t purpose6 ,y are n criticis+1 y are only pay+ (f an old score6 ,b ,i ?9k t ! two ways 9 :i* he mo/ impress$ himself 7 by 8 conv]sation1 :5 we 7 all toge!r1 & by 8 tte--tte talks1 if "o happ5$ to be 8 companion4 ,:5 we 7 all toge!r he 0 humor\s1 ironical1 frank4 ,he did n m9d :at 0 said to him1 s long z x 0 c\rte\sly phras$2 b ,i h he>d him say3 ,we mu/ rememb] we are f5c+--we mu/ n use bludgeons4 ,or3 ,y mu/ n talk z if y 7 sc>+ birds away--we are all equal "h4 ,he 0 v ungu>d$ himself 9 :at he said1 & always ma9ta9$ t talk]s ought to contribute _! own impressions freely & easily4 ,he us$ to quote ) mu* approval ,dr4 ,johnson's rem>k ab\t 8 g>rul\s old s*ool-fell[1 ,edw>ds4 ,boswell said1 :5 ,edw>ds _h gone1 t he ?\ght him a weak man4 ,:y1 yes1 sir1 said ,johnson4 ,"h is a man :o has pass$ ?r\gh life )\t exp]i5ces2 yet ,i w\ld r h him ) me ?an a m s5sible man :o w n talk readily4 ,?is man is always will+ to say :at he has to say4 ,fa!r ,payne us$ to add3 ,! po9t is to talk2 y mu/ n consid] y\r reputation2 say :atev] comes into y\r head1 & :5 y h le>nt to talk1 y c beg9 to select4 ,i h he>d him say2 ,g on1 "s "o6 ,x is ev]ybody's bus9ess "h to avoid a pause4 ,don't be /icky6 ,pauses are = a tte--tte4 ,or1 aga91 ,i h he>d him say3 ,y mu/n't exam9e witnesses "h6 ,y %\ld nev] ask m ?an ?ree que/ions runn+4 ,he did n by any means keep 8 own rules2 b he w\ld apologise sometimes = 8 %ortcom+s4 ,i'm hopeless to-day4 ,i c't att5d1 ,i c't ?9k ( any?+ 9 p>ticul>4 ,i'm dilut$1 ,i'm welt]+--,i'm com+ d[n l a %[]4 ,! result ( ?is c]ta9ly 0 t we mo/ ( u did le>n to talk4 ,he lik$ to ?ra% a subject out1 b he hat$ too protract$ a discussion4 ,"h1 we've _h en\gh ( ?is4 ,x's v important1 b ,i'm gett+ bor$4 ,i feel priggi%4 ,help1 help6 ,on ! o!r h&1 he 0 ev5 m delightful 9 a tte--tte4 ,he w\ld say pr(\nd & t5d] ?+s1 let 8 emotions escape him4 ,he _h ) me1 & ,i expect ) o!rs1 a sort ( indulg5t & pat]nal way ) him4 ,he nev] =got a confid5ce1 & he us$ to li/5 delight$ly to /ories ( "o's home circle4 ,tell me "s /ories ab\t ,aunt ,jane1 he w\ld say to me4 ,!re is some?+ impot5tly fi]y ab\t t good lady t ,i l4 ,tell me aga9 :at %e said :5 %e f\nd c\s9 ,frank 9 a smok+-cap read+ ,?omas--,kempis4 ,he _h a way ( quot+ "o's own /ories :i* 0 subtly flatt]+1 & he lik$ sidelights ( a good-natur$ k9d on ! "* ( o!r memb]s4 ,:y won't he say su* ?+s to me8 he us$ to say4 ,he ?9ks ,i %\ld respect him less1 :5 really ,i %\ld admire him m4 ,he won't let me see :5 8 box is empty6 ,i suspect him ( read+ ,b>tlett's ,famili> ,quotations be=e he goes a walk ) me6 ,or he w\ld say3 ,9 a g5]al talk y mu/ ?9k ab\t y\r companions2 9 a tte--tte y mu/ only feel him4 ,b ! mo/ /rik+ ?+ ab\t ,fa!r ,payne 0 ?is4 ,?\gh we 7 all v consci\s ( 8 influ5ce1 & inde$ ( 8 au?ority2 ?\gh we knew t he meant to h 8 own way1 & 0 q prep>$ to speak frankly & act decisively1 we 7 nev] consci\s ( be+ wat*$ or c5sur$ or int]f]$ )4 ,9 n9ety-n9e cases out ( a hundr$ x 0 a pure pleasure to meet him & to be ) him1 & _m a "t h ,i se5 him1 9 a mom5t ( leisure1 /roll+ 9 ! g>d51 & hurri$ out j on ! *ance ( gett+ a ^w or a smile1 or1 if he 0 9 an expansive mood1 hav+ my arm tak5 by him = a little turn4 ,9 ! hundr$? case1 x happ5$ t "o might h said or done some?+ :i* "o knew t he w\ld disapprove4 ,b1 z he nev] /or$ ?+s up or kept y wait+1 y c\ld be sure he w\ld speak soon or n at all4 ,(t51 too1 he w\ld j say3 ,i don't ?9k t y\r rem>k to ,kaye gave a fair impression ( y\rself1 or1 ,:y wa/e y\r p[d] z y did to-night8 ,i 0 only once or twice directly rebuk$ by him1 & t 0 = a prolong$ neglect4 ,y don't c>e1 he once said to me emphatically4 ,i c't d any?+ = y if y don't c>e6 ,b he 0 ! mo/ entirely placable ( m54 ,a ^w ( regret or apology1 & he w\ld say3 ,don't give x ano!r ?\ght1 my boy1 or1 ,t's all "r1 !n4 ,! real secret ( 8 influ5ce 0 t he took n a critical or ev5 a dispassionate view ( ea* ( u1 b an en?usia/ic view4 ,he took no pleasure 9 our %ortcom+s2 !y 7 r ( ! nature ( an active p]sonal disappo9tm5t4 ,! result 0 simply t y 7 natural ) him1 b natural ) ! add$ s5se t he lik$ y & ?\ght well ( y1 & expect$ fri5d%ip & ev5 brilliance f y4 ,y felt t he knew y well1 & recognis$ y\r faults & weaknesses1 b t he knew y\r be/ side ev5 bett]1 & enjoy$ ! pres5ce ( x4 ,i nev] knew anyone :o 0 s appreciative1 & ?\gh ,i said fooli% ?+s to him sometimes1 ,i felt t he 0 glad t ,i %\ld be my undisguis$ self4 ,x 0 ?us delicately flatt]+ to be ) him1 & x gave confid5ce & self-respect4 ,t 0 ! basis ( our :ole life1 ! goodwill & affection ( ,fa!r ,payne1 & ! desire to please him4 ,,ix ,,fa!r ,,payne ,fa!r ,payne 0 a big solid man1 z ,i h said1 b he contriv$ to give ! impression ( be+ ev5 bigg] ?an he 04 ,x 0 l ! ,iri% e/ate1 ( :i* its own] said t x _h m l& to ! acre ?an any place he knew4 ,?is 0 ! result1 ,i suppose1 ( :at ,b>?rop once dryly call$ ! ef=tless expansion ( ,fa!r ,payne's p]sonality4 ,i suppose he 0 ab\t six-foot-two 9 height1 & he mu/ h weigh$ fifte5 /one or ev5 m4 ,he 0 n /\t1 b all 8 limbs 7 solid1 s t he fill$ 8 clo!s4 ,8 h&s 7 big1 8 feet 7 big4 ,he wore a r full be>d3 he 0 slightly bald :5 ,i knew him1 b 8 hair grew r long & curly4 ,he always wore old clo!s--b y 7 nev] consci\s ( :at he wore3 he nev] look$1 z "s p d1 l a suit ( clo!s ) a p]son inside !m4 ,?9k+ x ov]1 x seems to me t ! reason :y y notic$ 8 clo!s s little1 :5 y 7 ) him1 0 because y 7 always obs]v+ 8 face1 or 8 h&s1 :i* 7 extremely *>act]i/ic ( him1 or 8 motions1 :i* _h a l\ng+ sort ( grace ab\t !m4 ,heavy m5 are apt on occasions to look lumb]+1 b ,fa!r ,payne nev] look$ t4 ,8 :ole body 0 "u 8 full control4 ,:5 he walk$1 he swung easily along2 :5 he mov$1 he mov$ impetu\sly & eag]ly4 ,b 8 face 0 ! mo/ rem>kable ?+ ab\t him4 ,x _h no great di/9ction ( feature1 & x 0 sangu9e1 (t5 sunburnt1 9 hue4 ,b1 solid z x 01 x 0 all alive4 ,8 big d>k eyes 7 brimful ( amusem5t & k9dl9ess1 & x 0 l com+ into a w>m room on a cold day to h 8 fri5dly glance direct$ ^u y4 ,z he talk$1 8 eyebr[s mov$ swiftly1 & he _h a look1 ) 8 eyes half-clos$ & 8 br[s drawn up1 z he wait$ = an answ]1 ( :at ! old books call quizzical--a sort ( half-c>ess+ irony1 :i* 0 v attractive4 ,he _h an impati5t little fr[n :i* pass$ ov] 8 face1 l a ruffle ( w9d1 if ?+s w5t too sl[ly or heavily = 8 ta/e2 & he _h1 too1 on occasions a deep1 ab/ract$ look1 z if he 7 foll[+ a ?\ght f>4 ,!re 0 also ano!r look1 well kn[n to 8 companions1 :5 he turn$ 8 eyes upw>ds ) a sort ( resignation1 g5]ally accompani$ by a deprecat+ ge/ure ( ! h&4 ,altoge!r x 0 a mo/ expressive face1 because1 except 9 8 ab/ract$ mood1 he always seem$ to be entirely !re1 n conceal+ or repress+ any?+1 b b5d+ 8 :ole m9d ^u :at 0 be+ said4 ,moreov]1 if y said any?+ p]sonal or intimate to him1 a ^w ( gratitude or pleasure1 he _h a quick1 beautiful1 affectionate look1 s rew>d+1 s embrac+ t ,i (t5 tri$ to evoke x--?\gh an attempt to evoke x delib]ately (t5 produc$ no m ?an a half-smile1 accompani$ by a little w9k1 z if he saw ?r\gh ! attempt4 ,8 great s(t :ite h&s1 always spotlessly clean--he 0 ! cleane/-look+ man ,i ev] saw--7 really r extraord9>y4 ,!y look$ at fir/ sight clumsy1 & ev5 limp2 b he 0 unusually deft & adroit ) 8 f+]s1 & 8 t\* on plants1 9 g>d5+1 8 ty+ ( /r+s--he lik$ do+ up p>cels--0 v quick & delicate4 ,he 0 fond ( all sorts ( little puzzles1 toys ( wood & metal1 :i* _h to be fitt$ toge!r2 & ! puzzles took %ape or fell to pieces "u 8 f+]s l magic4 ,!y 7 extremely s5sitive to pa91 8 h&s1 & a little p9* or abrasion w\ld cause him m>k$ discom=t4 ,8 h&writ+ 0 rapid & f9e1 & he occasionally w\ld draw a t9y sket* to illu/rate some?+1 :i* %[$ mu* arti/ic skill4 ,he (t5 deplor$ 8 ignorance ( h&icraft1 :i*1 he said w\ld h be5 a great relief to him4 ,8 voice1 aga91 0 rem>kable4 ,x 0 n 9 ord9>y talk ei!r deep or pr(\nd1 ?\gh x c\ld & did become bo? on occasions1 especially :5 he made a quotation1 :i* he did ) "s solemnity4 ,i us$ at fir/ to ?9k t !re 0 a t\* ( rhetorical affectation ab\t 8 quotations4 ,!y 7 made 9 a high musical tone1 & z (t5 z n end$ ) ! te>s com+ into 8 eyes4 ,he spoke to me once ab\t ?is4 ,he said t x 0 a mi/ake to ?9k he 0 deeply affect$ by a quotation4 ,9 fact1 he said1 ,i am n easily affect$ by passionate or tragic emotion--:at does affect me is a peculi> t\* ( beauty1 b x is a luxuri\s & sup]ficial ?+4 ,x w\ld entirely prev5t me1 he add$1 f read+ _m poems or prose passages al\d :i* ,i greatly admire4 ,i simply c\ld n comm& myself6 ,9 fact1 he w5t on1 smil+1 ,i v (t5 c only get to ! end ( a quotation by fix+ my m9d on some?+ else4 ,i add up ! digits giv+ ! numb] ( ! page1 or ,i c\nt ! plates at ! d9n]-table4 ,x's v absurd--b x takes me 9 j ! same way :5 ,i am alone4 ,i c\ld n read ! la/ *apt] ( ! ,book ( ,revelation al\d to myself1 or ! *apt] on ',! ,wild]ness' 9 ,isaiah1 )\t %$d+ te>s4 ,b x doesn't mean any?+2 x is j ! hy/]ica passio1 y "k6 ,8 voice1 :5 he fir/ jo9$ 9 a talk1 0 (t5 l[ & ev5 hesitat+2 b :5 he became int]e/$ & absorb$1 x ga!r$ volume & emphasis4 ,b>?rop once said to me t ,fa!r ,payne 0 ! only p]son he knew :o always talk$ 9 italics4 ,b he v seldom h>angu$1 ?\gh x is difficult to make t cle> 9 record+ 8 talks1 because he (t5 spoke cont9u\sly4 ,yet x 0 nev] a soliloquy3 he always includ$ ! li/5]s4 ,he us$ to look r\nd at !m1 explore _! faces1 cat* an eye & smile1 indicate ! p>ticul> p]son address$ by a d>t$-out f+]2 & he _h _m little free ge/ures ) 8 h&s z he talk$4 ,he w\ld trace little hi]oglyphics ) 8 f+]1 z if he 7 writ+ a ^w1 sweep an argum5t aside1 br+ 8 h&s toge!r z ?\gh he 7 %ap+ some?+4 ,?is 0 a little confus+ at fir/1 & us$ to div]t my att5tion1 because ( ! great mobility ( 8 h&s2 b aft] a little x seem$ to me to br+ out & illu/rate 8 po9ts 9 a rem>kably sali5t way4 ,8 habits 7 curi\s & a little my/]i\s4 ,!y 7 by no means regul>4 ,sometimes = days toge!r we h>dly saw him4 ,he (t5 rose e>ly & walk$ 9 ! g>d54 ,if he f\nd a book :i* int]e/$ him1 he w\ld read x ) absorb$ att5tion1 q unconsci\s ( ! flight ( "t4 ,i d love gett+ really buri$ 9 a book1 he w\ld say2 x's ! be/ ( te/s4 ,sometimes he wrote1 sometimes he compos$ music1 sometimes he w\ld h 8 table cov]$ ) bits ( pap] full ( un9telligible designs & patt]ns4 ,he did n m9d be+ que/ion$1 b he w\ld n satisfy "o's curiosity4 ,x's only "s nons5se ( m9e1 he w\ld say4 ,he did n write _m lett]s1 & !y 7 g5]ally %ort4 ,at times he w\ld be v busy on 8 f>m1 at times occupi$ 9 ! village1 at times he took long walks alone2 v occasionally he w5t away = a day or two4 ,he 0 bo? uncommunicative & communicative4 ,he w\ld (t5 talk ) ! utmo/ frankness & ab&on ab\t 8 private affairs2 b1 on ! o!r h&1 ,i always _h ! s5se ( mu* t 0 hidd5 9 8 life4 ,& ,i h no d\bt t he sp5t mu* "t 9 pray] & m$itation4 ,he seldom spoke ( ?is1 b x play$ a l>ge "p 9 8 life4 ,he gave ! impression ( great ease1 *e]fulness1 & tranquillity1 atta9$ by "s delib]ate resolve1 because he 0 bo? re/less & s5sitive1 took sorr[s & tr\bles h>dly1 & 0 deeply %ock$ & di/ress$ by sad news ( any k9d4 ,i h he>d him say t he (t5 _h great difficulty 9 =c+ himself to op5 a lett] :i* he ?\ght likely to be di/ress+ or unpleasant4 ,he 0 naturally1 ,i imag9e1 ( an almo/ neurotic t5d5cy2 b he did n seem s mu* to combat ?is by occupation & det]m9ation z to h arriv$ at "s me*anical way ( deal+ ) x4 ,i rememb] t he said to me once3 ,if y h a bad bus9ess on h&1 an unhappy or w\nd+ affair1 x is be/ to receive x fully & quietly4 ,let x d its wor/1 realise x1 take x 9--don't resi/ x1 don't try to di/ract y\r m9d3 see ! full mis]y ( x1 don't attempt to m9imise x4 ,if y d t1 y w sudd5ly f9d some?+ )9 y come to y\r rescue & say1 ',well1 ,i c be> t6' & !n x is all "r4 ,b if y try to dodge x1 x's my exp]i5ce t !re comes a k9d ( back-wa% :i* hurts v mu* inde$4 ,let ! /ream g ov] y1 & !n em]ge4 ,to fight aga9/ x simply prolongs ! agony4 ,he c]ta9ly recov]$ himself quick] ?an anyone ,i h ev] kn[n3 inde$ ,i ?9k 8 recup]ation 0 ! be/ sign ( 8 enorm\s vitality4 ,i'm s5sitive1 he said to me once1 b ,i'm t\gh--,i h a fe>ful p[] ( =gett+--x's mu* bett] ?an =giv+4 ,b ! ?+ :i* rema9s mo/ /rongly 9 my m9d ab\t him is ! way 9 :i* he p]vad$ ! :ole place4 ,x 0 fancy1 p]haps1 b ,i us$ to ?9k ,i knew :e!r he 0 9 ! h\se or n4 ,c]ta9ly1 if ,i want$ to speak to him1 ,i us$ to g (f to 8 /udy on occasions1 q sure t ,i %\ld f9d him2 :ile on o!r occasions--& ,i m ?an once put ?is to ! te/--,i h ?\ght to myself1 ,x's no use go+--! ,fa!r is out4 ,8 pres5ce at any sort ( ga!r+ 0 entirely unmi/akable4 ,x 0 n t y felt hamp]$ or controll$3 x 0 m l ! fl[+ ( "s cle> /ream4 ,:5 he 0 away1 ! ?+ seem$ tame & spiritless2 :5 he 0 !re1 x 0 all full ( life4 ,b 8 pres5ce 0 n1 at lea/ to me1 at all we>isome or /ra9+4 ,i h kn[n m5 ( great vitality :o 7 und5iably fatigu+1 because !y ov]came "o l a :irlw9d4 ,b ) ,fa!r ,payne x always seem$ z ?\gh he put w9d into "o's sails1 b left "o to /e] "o's own c\rse4 ,he did n ?w>t or deflect1 or ev5 direct3 he simply multipli$ "o's own en]gy4 ,i nev] _h ! s5sation ) him ( suppress+ any ?\ght 9 my m9d1 or ( say+ to myself1 ,! ,fa!r won't c>e ab\t t4 ,he always did c>e1 & ,i us$ to feel t he 0 glad to be inquir$ (1 glad to h 8 own ?\ghts div]t$1 glad to be ( use4 ,he nev] nagg$2 or f\nd petty fault1 or *ivi$ y1 z ! boys say4 ,if y ask$ him a "q1 or ask$ him to /roll or walk1 y always felt t he 0 delight$1 t x 0 ! "o ?+ he enjoy$4 ,he lik$ to h *ildi% secrets4 ,he & ,i _h sev]al little ca*es 9 ! holes ( trees1 or ! *9ks ( build+s1 :]e we conceal$ small co9s or curi\s /ones on our walks1 & at a lat] date revisit$ !m4 ,we 7 frankly silly ab\t c]ta9 ?+s4 ,he & ,i _h "s imag9>y p]sonages--,dr4 ,waddilove1 suppos$ to be a ri* b5efic$ cl]gyman ( ,tory views2 ,mr4 ,mc,turk1 a matt]-(-fact ,scotsman2 ,h5ry ,bl&1 a retir$ s*oolma/] ) copi\s /ores ( in=mation2 & o!rs--& we us$ (t5 to disc\rse 9 "*4 ,b he always knew :5 to /op4 ,he w\ld say to me sudd5ly3 ,dr4 ,waddilove said to me ye/]day t he nev] argu$ ) a!i/s or radicals1 because !y always came r\nd 9 ! end4 ,or he w\ld say1 9 ,h5ry ,bl&'s flute-l tones3 ,y\r m5tion ( ,rob]t ,br[n+ induces me to relate an anecdote1 :i* ,i ?9k may prove n :olly un9t]e/+ to y4 ,at times we us$ to tell long /ories on our walks1 /opp+ %ort 9 ! middle ( a s5t5ce1 :5 ! o!r _h in/antly to cont9ue ! n>rative4 ,i d n mean t ! wit 0 v *oice or ! hum\r at all rem>kable--x w\ld n be> be+ writt5 d[n--b x amus$ u bo?4 ,come1 :at %all we d to-day8 ,i c he> him say4 ,dr4 ,waddilove & ,mr4 ,bl& might h a walk & discuss ! signs ( ! times8 ,& !n ! ridicul\s dialogue w\ld beg94 ,t 0 ! delightful ?+ ab\t him1 t he 0 always ready to fall 9 ) a mood1 always light ( t\* & gay4 ,he c\ld be t5d] & sympa!tic1 z well z incisive & s5sible if x 0 ne$$2 b he 0 nev] ei!r contradictory or sev]e or improv+4 ,he w\ld sometimes pull himself up & say3 ,"h1 we mu/ be bus9ess-l1 b he 0 nev] reproa*ful or griev$ or %ock$ by :at we said to him4 ,he c\ld be decisive1 /]n1 abrupt1 if x 0 really ne$$4 ,b 8 mo/ pung5t repro(s 7 inflict$ by a blank sil5ce1 :i* 0 "o ( ! mo/ appall+ ?+s to enc\nt]4 ,he g5]ally began to speak aga9 a few mom5ts lat]1 on a totally diff]5t subject1 :ile any su* sign ( displeasure 0 extremely r>e4 ,he nev] "u any circum/ances rem9d$ anyone ( 8 g5]osity1 or ! tr\ble he _h tak51 or ! fav\rs he _h conf]r$1 :ile he w\ld (t5 rem9d "o ( "s trifl+ k9dness done to him4 ,i (t5 rememb] h[ good y 7 ab\t ^? acc\nts1 old boy6 ,i %\ld nev] h got ?r\gh )\t y6 ,8 demean\r 0 g5]ally t ( an indulg5t uncle1 ) t p>ticul> t\* ( ne>ness :i* 9 ,engl& is apt to exi/ only among relations4 ,he w\ld consult u ab\t 8 own private worries ) entire frankness1 & ?is m ?an any?+ made u ready to confide 9 him4 ,he us$ to h& u *eques or money if requir$1 ) a little w9k4 ,t's y\r screw6 he us$ to say2 & he lik$ any ?anks t seem$ natural4 ,natural1--t is ! ^w t comes be=e me all ?r\gh4 ,i c rememb] no "o s unemb>rass$1 s easy1 s transp>5t4 ,8 ?\ght fl[$ into 8 talk2 & 8 sil5ces 7 n retic5ces1 b ! busy sil5ce ( ! *ild :o has a plan4 ,he gave himself away )\t economy & )\t disguise1 & he accept$ gratefully & simply :atev] y c>$ to give him ( ?\ght or love4 ,i ?9k (t5e/ ( h[ ,i sometimes w5t to see him 9 ! ev5+s3 if he 0 busy1 z he (t5 01 he us$ j to murmur half to himself1 ,well1 old man8 indicate a *air1 put 8 f+] on 8 lips1 & g on ) 8 "w or 8 book2 b at int]vals he w\ld j glance at me ) a little smile1 & ,i knew t he 0 glad to h me at h& 9 t simple companion%ip :5 !re is no ne$ ( spee* or explanation4 ,& !n ! book or pap] w\ld be dropp$1 & he w\ld say3 ,well1 out ) x4 ,if "o said1 ,no?+--only company1 he w\ld give "o ( 8 be/ & sweete/ smiles4 ,x ,,*>act]i/ics ,b :atev] may h be5 ,fa!r ,payne's effect ^u u individually or collectively1 or h[ev] ! result may h be5 a*iev$1 !re 0 no "q ( "o ?+1 & t 0 ! ard5t & beautiful happ9ess ( ! place4 ,joy delib]ately s*em$ = & plann$ is apt to evaporate4 ,b we 7 n hunt+ = happ9ess z m5 dig = gold4 ,we 7 look+ = some?+ q diff]5t4 ,we 7 all do+ "w = :i* we c>$1 ) k9d & yet incisive criticism to help u2 & !n ! simplicity & regul>ity ( ! life1 ! total abs5ce ( all indulg5ce1 ! ex]cise1 ! companion%ip1 ! discipl9e1 all g5]at$ a k9d ( high spirits t ,i h kn[n 9 no o!r place & at no o!r "t4 ,i us$ to awake 9 ! morn+ fre% & al]t1 free f all anxiety1 all s5se ( tiresome engagem5ts1 all possibility ( bor$om4 ,all /al5ess1 we>9ess1 all complications & conv5tional duties1 all jeal\sies & envy+s1 7 abs5t4 ,we 7 n compet+ ) ea* o!r1 we 7 n b5t on ass]t+ ourselves1 we _h j ea* our own bit ( "w to d2 moreov] our spaces ( travel _h an invigorat+ effect1 & s5t u back to ,aveley ) ! ze/ ( return+ to a belov$ home4 ,( c\rse !re 7 little bick]+s at times1 little complexities ( fri5d%ip2 b ^! nev] came to any?+ 9 ,fa!r ,payne's k9dly pres5t4 ,sometimes a man w\ld get fretful or worri$ ov] 8 "w2 if s1 he 0 g5]ally despat*$ on a brief holiday1 ) an injunction to d no "w at all2 & ,i am sure t ! prospect ( ev5 tempor>y bani%m5t 0 ! /ronge/ ( all motives = ! suppression ( /rife4 ,i rememb] spr+ morn+s1 :5 ! birds began to s+ 9 ! %rubb]ies1 & ! b$s 7 full ( ris+ fl[]-blades1 :5 "o's :ole m9d & he>t us$ to exp& 9 an ec/asy ( hope & delight2 ,i rememb] long rambles or bicycle rides f> into ! quiet pa/oral c\ntry1 9 ! summ] heat1 alone or ) a s+le companion1 :5 life seem$ almo/ too delici\s to cont9ue2 !n !re w\ld be ! return1 & a plunge into ! ba?+-pool1 & ano!r quiet h\r or two at ! "w 9 h&1 & ! delight ( feel+ t "o 0 ga9+ skill & ease ( expression2 or aga9 !re w\ld be ! quick tramp 9 w9t] along muddy roads1 ) ! ragg$ cl\ds hurry+ across ! sky1 ) ! prospect ahead ( a fire-lit ev5+ ( /udy & talk2 & be/ ( all a walk & a conv]sation ) ,fa!r ,payne himself1 :5 all t he said seem$ to int]pret life afre% & to put x 9 a new & excit+ aspect4 ,i nev] met anyone ) su* a p[] ( l9k+ ! loose ends ( life toge!r1 & ( giv+ "o s joyful a s5se ( connection & cont9uance4 ,h[ x 0 done ,i _c guess2 b :]eas o!r m9ds c\ld ca/ light ^u problems1 ,fa!r ,payne someh[ made light %9e ?r\gh !m1 & gave !m a s(t transluc5ce4 ,b :ile he manag$ to give "o a great love ( life itself1 x nev] re/$ !re2 he made me feel engag$ 9 "s sort ( et]nal bus9ess1 & ?\gh he us$ no conv5tional expressions1 ,i _h 9 8 pres5ce a s5se ( va/ horizons & %9+ tracks pass+ into an inf9ite di/ance full ( glory & sweetness1 & ( dea? itself z a my/]y ( surprise & wond]4 ,he taught me to look = beauty & h>mony1 n to wa/e "t 9 mean controv]sy or 9 futile regret1 b to be always mov+ =w>ds1 & welcom+ e sign ( confid5ce & goodwill4 ,he _h a way1 too1 ( mak+ "o realise ! dignity & necessity ( "w1 )\t *]i%+ any self-absorb$ illusions ab\t its impressiv5ess or its importance4 ,8 cre$ 0 ! recognition ( all beauty & vividness z an unque/ionable sign ( ! pres5ce ( ,god1 ! ,p[] t made = ord] & heal? & /r5g? & peace2 & ! deep necessity ( gr[+ to und]/& "o ano!r ) unsuspici\s tru/fulness & sympa?y--! ,fa!rhood ( ,god1 & ! ,bro!rhood ( ,man1 ^! 7 ! doctr9es by :i* he liv$4 ,x us$ to be an extraord9>y pleasure to me to accompany him ab\t ! village2 he knew e "o1 & c\ld talk ) a simple directness & a quiet hum\r t 0 inimitable4 ,i nev] saw s naturally pa/oral a man4 ,he c>ri$ good-temp] ab\t ) him1 & yet he c\ld rebuke ) a %>pness :i* surpris$ me1 if !re 0 ne$4 ,he 0 curi\sly tol]ant1 ,i us$ to ?9k1 ( s5sual s9s1 b 9 ! pres5ce ( cruelty or meanness or delib]ate deceit he us$ to explode into ! mo/ viol5t language4 ,i rememb] a sc5e :i* x is almo/ a t]ror to me n[ to recollect1 :5 ,i 0 walk+ ) him1 & we met a tipsy f>m] ( a neighb\r+ village flogg+ 8 horse along a lane4 ,he ran up beside ! c>t1 he /opp$ ! horse1 he ro>$ at ! f>m]1 ,get out ( y\r c>t1 y d--d brute1 & lead x home4 ,! f>m] desc5d$ 9 a /ate ( /upefaction4 ,fa!r ,payne snat*$ ! :ip out ( 8 h&1 broke x1 ?rew x ov] ! h$ge1 ?reat5$ him ) all ! t]rors ( ! law1 & r$uc$ him to a /ate ( abject submission4 ,pres5tly he recov]$ some:at1 & 9 drunk5 wra? began to abuse ,fa!r ,payne4 ,v well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 y c take y\r *oice3 ei!r y lead ! horse home quietly1 & ,i'll see x done2 or else ,i come ) y to ! village1 & tell ! p :at ,i ?9k ( y 9 ! op5 /reet4 ,& if y put up y\r fi/ l t aga91 ,i'll run y home myself & h& y ov] to ! policeman4 ,i'll be d--d if ,i won't d x n[4 ,"h1 ,duncan1 he said to me1 y g & fet* ! policeman1 & we'll h a little procession back4 ,! ruffian ?\ght bett] ( x1 & l$ ! horse away mutt]+1 :ile we walk$ beh9d until we 7 ne> ! f>m1 ,n[ get 91 & behave y\rself1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,& if y *oose to come ov] to-morr[ & beg my p>don1 y may2 & if y don't1 ,i'll h y up be=e ! magi/rates on ,saturday next4 ,i _h nev] se5 su* wra?2 b ! tempe/ subsid$ in/antly1 & he walk$ back ) me 9 high good-hum\r4 ,! next day ! man came ov]1 & ,fa!r ,payne said to me 9 ! ev5+3 ,we _h q an affect+ sc5e4 ,i gave him a bit ( my m9d1 & he ?ank$ me = speak+ /raight4 ,he's a l[ brute1 b ,i don't ?9k he'll d ! same sort ( ?+ 9 a hurry4 ,i'll give him six weeks to get ov] 8 fright1 & !n ,i'll d a little patroll+6 ,8 g5tl5ess1 on ! o!r h&1 ) wom5 & *ildr5 0 beautiful to see4 ,x 0 z natural = ,fa!r ,payne to hurry to a sc5e ( disa/] or grief z x 0 = o!rs to wi% to /ay away4 ,he us$ to speak to a suff]] or a m\rn] ) great directness4 ,tell me all ab\t x1 he w\ld say1 & he w\ld li/5 ) little nods & ge/ures1 rais+ 8 eyebr[s or ev5 %utt+ 8 eyes1 say+ v little1 except a ^w or two ( sympa?y at ! end4 ,he knew all ! *ildr51 b he nev] pett$ !m or made fav\rites1 b treat$ !m ) a s]i\s k9d ( gravity :i* he assur$ u !y inf9itely pref]r$4 ,he us$ to h a ,*ri/mas ent]ta9m5t = !m at ! ,hall1 z well z a summ] fea/4 ,he enc\rag$ ! boys & "y m5 to botanise & obs]ve nature 9 all =ms1 & ?\gh he w\ld nev] all[ ne/s to be tak51 or ev5 eggs if he c\ld help x1 he w\ld give little prizes = ! not+ ( any r>e bird or butt]fly4 ,if y want m5 to live 9 ! c\ntry1 !y mu/ love ! c\ntry1 he us$ to say4 ,he kept a village club go+1 b he nev] w5t !re4 ,x's emb>rass+1 he us$ to say4 ,!y don't want me /roll+ 9 any m ?an ,i want !m /roll+ 94 ,philan?ropi/s h no s5se ( privacy4 ,he did n call at ! villag]s' h\ses1 unless !re 0 "s special ev5t1 & 8 talks 7 conf9$ to *ance meet+s4 ,nei!r 0 !re any s5se ( duty ab\t x4 ,no "o is tak5 9 by =mal visit+1 he said4 ,y mu/ j d x if y l x1 or else /ay away4 ',to keep y\rself to y\rself' is ! highe/ praise ^! p c give4 ,no "o likes a fuss6 ,! same sort ( pr9ciples regulat$ our own int]c\rse4 ,we are n monks1 he us$ to say2 we are ,c>?usians1 h]mits1 liv+ toge!r = com=t or conv5i5ce4 ,! solitude & privacy ( ev]yone 0 respect$4 ,we us$ to d our talk+ :5 we took ex]cise2 b !re 0 v little sitt+ & gossip+ toge!r tte--tte4 ,i don't want ev]yone to try to be intimate ) ev]yone else1 he us$ to say4 ,! po9t is j to get on amicably toge!r2 we won't h any cliques or cot]ies4 ,he himself nev] came to any ( our rooms1 b s5t a message if he want$ to see u4 ,"o small ?+ he /rongly object$ to1 ! %\t+ up f ! g>d5 to anyone's w9d[3 ,mo/ (f5sive6 ,he dislik$ all l\d %\t+ & call+ or s++ al\d4 ,y mu/n't use ! _w z a private sitt+-room4 ,& ! "o ?+ :i* us$ to fret him 0 a voice /rid5tly rais$4 ,don't r\se ! e*oes6 he w\ld say4 ,y h no m "r to make a r[ ?an y h to use a /rong sc5t or to bl[ a po/-horn--t's n lib]ty6 ,! result ( ?is 0 t ! h\se 0 a s+ul>ly quiet "o1 & ?is s5se ( sil5ce & subdu$ s\nd lives 9 my memory z "o ( its mo/ refre%+ *>act]i/ics4 ,a r[ is only pleasant if x is delib]ate & organis$1 he us$ to say4 ,native woodnotes wild are all v well1 b !y are n civilisation4 ,to talk audibly & quietly is ! be/ pro( ( virtue & hon\r6 ,,xi ,,conv]sation ,i am go+ to try to give a few impressions ( talks ) ,fa!r ,payne--bo? public & private talks4 ,x is1 h[ev]1 difficult to d ?is )\t giv+1 p]haps1 a wrong impression4 ,i us$ to get into ! habit ( jott+ d[n ! ?+s he _h said1 & ,i improv$ by practice4 ,b he 0 a rapid talk] & some:at discursive1 & he 0 (t5 deflect$ f 8 ma9 subject by a "q or a discussion4 ,yet ,i d n want x to be ?\ght t he 0 fond ( monologue & soliloquy4 ,he 0 n1 ,i %\ld say1 a v talkative man2 days w\ld sometimes pass )\t 8 do+ m ?an j tak+ a h& 9 conv]sation4 ,he lik$ to foll[ ! fl[ ( a talk1 & to contribute a rem>k n[ & !n2 sometimes he 0 m>k$ly sil5t2 b 9 no case 0 he ev] oppressive4 ,occasionally1 & m (t5 9 tte--tte1 he w5t ahead & talk$ copi\sly1 b ?is 0 r ! exception ?an ! rule4 ,i h n ?\ght x wor? :ile to try to give ! effect ( our own talk4 ,we 7 "y1 excitable1 & argum5tative1 &1 ?\gh x 0 at ! "t (t5 delightful & /imulat+1 x 0 also (t5 v crude & immature4 ,fa!r ,payne 0 good at help+ a talk] out1 & w\ld (t5 d ju/ice to a clumsily-express$ rem>k :i* he ?\ght 0 int]e/+4 ,b he 0 by f> ! mo/ int]e/+ memb] ( ! circle2 he spoke easily & fl[+ly :5 he 0 mov$1 & !re always seem$ to me a s5se ( =m ab\t 8 talk :i* 0 abs5t f ours4 ,b "u no circum/ance did he ev] become t$i\s--inde$ he 0 extremely s5sitive to ! smalle/ signs ( impati5ce4 ,we (t5 tri$1 s to speak1 to draw him out2 b if he _h ! smalle/ suspicion t he 0 be+ drawn1 he became in/antly sil5t4 ,!re is m coh]5ce ab\t "s ( ! talks ,i h record$ ?an 0 actually ! case4 ,he w\ld div]ge to tell a /ory1 or he w\ld call "o's att5tion to "s sight or s\nd4 ,moreov] 8 face1 8 movem5ts1 8 ge/ures1 all add$ mu* to 8 talk4 ,he _h a way ( wr9kl+ up 8 br[s1 ( %ak+ 8 head1 ( look+ r\nd ) an awe/ruck expression1 8 eyes wide op51 8 m\? purs$ up1 especially :5 he _h rea*$ "s triumphantly absurd conclusion4 ,he _h two little quick ge/ures ( ! h&s z he spoke1 op5+ 8 f+]s1 wav+ a po9t aside1 emphasiz+ an argum5t by a quick d[nw>d motion ( 8 =ef+]4 ,he _h1 too1 a quick1 l\d1 ebulli5t laugh1 sometimes %rill1 sometimes deep2 & he ab&on$ himself to laught] at an absurd /ory or je/ z completely z anyone ,i h ev] se54 ,rose 0 an excell5t mimic1 & ,fa!r ,payne us$ to fall into agonis+ p>oxysms ( laught] at _m ( 8 repres5tations4 ,b he always said t laught] 0 ) him a social mood1 & t he _h nev] any incl9ation to laugh :5 he 0 alone4 ,s ! record ( 8 talks mu/ be tak5 n z typical ( 8 ev]yday mood1 b z in/ances ( ! k9d ( ?+s he said :5 he 0 mov$ to speak at l>ge2 & ev5 s !y give1 ,i am aw>e1 too cond5s$ an impression4 ,he nev] talk$ z if he 7 play+ on a p>ty or a companion ) a hose-pipe4 ,!re 0 nev] anyone :o 0 m easily sil5c$ or div]t$4 ,b to anyone :o knew him !y w give1 ,i believe1 a true impression ( 8 me?od ( talk2 & p]haps !y may give to ^? :o nev] saw him a fa9t reflection ( 8 lively & animat$ m9d1 ! en]gy ) :i* he address$ himself to small problems1 & ! firm belief :i* he always ma9ta9$1 t any evid5ce ( life1 h[ev] elem5t>y1 0 m enc\rag+ & inspir+ ?an ! mo/ elaborate logic or ! pr(\nde/ intellectual grasp ( ab/ract subjects4 ,,xii ,,( ,,go+ ,,to ,,*ur* ,i _h be5 to *ur* "o summ] ,sunday morn+--a v simple affair x 01 ) no?+ sung b a c\ple ( hymns2 b ! ,vic> read beautifully1 nei!r emphatically nor lifelessly1 ) a little ?rill 9 8 voice at times t ,i lik$ to he>4 ,x did n compel y to li/5 s mu* z invite y to jo94 ,le/range play$ ! organ mo/ div9ely2 he g5]ally extemporis$ be=e ! s]vice1 & play$ a simple piece at ! end2 b he nev] /ra9$ ! res\rces ( ! little organ1 & x 0 all simple & =mal music1 pr9cipally ,ba* or ,h&el4 ,fa!r ,payne himself 0 a regul> att5dant at *ur*1 & ,sunday 0 a decid$ly leisurely day4 ,he advis$ u to put aside our writ+ "w1 to write lett]s1 read1 make p]sonal jott+s1 talk1 ?\gh !re 0 no inquisition into su* ?+s4 ,fa!r ,payne 0 a some:at irregul> respond]1 b x 0 a pleasure to sit ne> him1 because 8 deep1 rapid voice gave a new quality to ! words4 ,he seem$ happy 9 *ur*1 & pray$ ) great absorption1 ?\gh ,i notic$ t 8 ,bible 0 (t5 op5 be=e him all ?r\gh ! s]vice4 ,! ,vic>'s s]mons 7 good ( _! k9d1 sugge/ive r ?an provocative1 ab\t v simple matt]s ( conduct r ?an belief4 ,i h he>d ,fa!r ,payne speak ( !m ) admiration z nev] be+ discursive1 & ,i ga!r$ t ! ,vic> 0 a great admir] ( ,newman's s]mons4 ,we came away toge!r1 ,fa!r ,payne & ,i1 & we /roll$ a little 9 ! g>d54 ,i felt embold5$ to ask him ! pla9 "q :y he w5t to *ur*4 ,oh1 = a lot ( reasons1 he said1 none ( !m v conclusive6 ,i l to meet my fri5ds 9 ! fir/ place2 & !n a liturgy has a *>m = me4 ,x has a beauty ( its own1 & ,i l c]emony4 ,x is n t ,i ?9k x sacr$--only beautiful4 ,b ,i q admit ! weakness ( x1 :i* is simply t x does n appeal to ev]yone1 & ,i don't ?9k t our ,anglican s]vice is an ideal s]vice4 ,x is too ref9$ & =mal2 & _m p w\ld feel x 0 m religi\s if x 7 m extempore--pray] & pla9 advice4 ,i told him some?+ ( my old *ildi% exp]i5ce1 say+ t ,i us$ to reg>d *ur* z a sort ( call+-ov]1 & t ,god w\ld be vex$ if "o did n appe>4 ,he laugh$ at ?is4 ,yes1 ,i don't ?9k we c insi/ on x z be+ a leve1 he said1 :]e "o is expect$ to come & make "o's b[ & pay =mal complim5ts4 ,t idea is an old an?ropomorphic "o1 ( c\rse4 ,x is sup]/iti\s--x is almo/ debas+ to ?9k ( ,god dem&+ praise z a duty incumb5t on u4 ',to !e all angels cry al\d'--,i confess ,i don't l ! idea ( heav5 z a place ( *e]ful noise--t isn't attractive6 ,& also ,i ?9k t ! att5tion dem&$ 9 our s]vice is a mi/ake--x's a mixture ( two ideas2 ! liturgical c]emony :i* t\*es ! eye & ! emotion1 r ?an ! reason2 & ! s]mon & ! pray] 9 :i* ! reason is suppos$ to be conc]n$4 ,i ?9k ! ,ca?olic idea is a bett] "o1 a solemnity p]=m$1 9 :i* y don't take "p1 b receive impressions4 ,!re's no great] /ra9 on ! m9d ?an =c+ x to foll[ a rapid & exalt$ tra9 ( intellectual & lit]>y ?\ght & expression4 ,i confess ,i don't attempt t1 x seems to me j a joyful & neighb\rly bus9ess1 :]e "o puts ! m9d 9 a c]ta9 expectant mood1 & is lucky if "o c>ries a s+le ?rill or aspiration away4 ,:at d y d1 !n8 ,i said4 ,well1 ,i m$itate1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i believe 9 m$itation v mu*1 & 9 solitude x is v h>d "w4 ,b ! sil5t company ( fri5ds1 & ! old ar*es & woodwork1 "s simple music1 a c]emony1 & a little plan ( ?\ght go+ on--t seems to me a fruitful atmosph]e4 ,"s v]se1 "s phrase1 :i* ,i h he>d a hundr$ times be=e1 sudd5ly seems writt5 9 lett]s ( gold4 ,i foll[ x a little way into ! d>k1 ,i turn x ov]1 ,i wond] ab\t x1 ,i enjoy its beauty4 ,i don't say t my ?\ghts are g5]ally v />tl+ or poignant or pr(\nd2 b ,i feel ! s5se ( ! ,fa!rly1 tol]ant1 indulg5t pres5ce ( ,god1 & a bro!rly affection = my fell[-m54 ,x's a great ?+ to be 9 ! same place ) a numb] ( p1 all sil5t1 & on ! :ole ?9k+ quiet1 happy1 & cont5t$ ?\ghts4 ,x all br+s me into l9e ) my village fri5ds1 x gives me a social mood1 & ,i feel = once t we all want ! same ?+s f life--& t = once in/ead ( hav+ to "w & pu% = !m1 we are f$ & com=t$4 ',op5 ?y m\? wide1 & ,i w fill x'--t's a :olesome1 *ildlike v]se1 y "k4 ,! :ole ?+ seems to me a simple device = produc+ a placid & expectant mood--,i don't "k any?+ else t produces x s well4 ,y mean x is some?+ my/ical--almo/ hypnotic8 ,i said4 ,p]haps ,i %\ld if ,i knew :at ^? big words meant1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+4 ,no2 *ur* seems to me a ?+ t has really gr[n up out ( human nature1 n a ?+ impos$ ^u x4 ,i don't l :at may be call$ ecclesia/icism1 p>tly because x emphasizes ! intellectual side ( belief1 p>tly because x tries to ca/ a slur on ! p :o don't l c]emonial1 & :om x does n suit--& mo/ ( all because ecclesia/icism aims at mak+ y believe t o!r p c transact spiritual bus9ess on y\r acc\nt4 ,9 ^! democratic days1 y c't h spiritual au?ority--y h got to f9d :at p ne$1 & help !m to f9d x = !mselves4 ,! pla9 tru? is t we don't want dogma4 ,( c\rse x isn't to be despis$1 because x once meant some?+1 ev5 if x does n n[4 ,dogmas are n un9telligible intellectual propositions impos$ on ! _w4 ,!y are explanations1 int]pretations1 attempts to l9k facts toge!r4 ,!y h ! sacr$ness ( ideas :i* p liv$ by1 & = :i* !y 7 prep>$ to die4 ,b _m ( !m are sci5tific 9 =m only1 & ! sub/ance has gone out ( !m4 ,we "k m 9 "o s5se ab\t life & ,god ?an we did1 b we also "k less1 because we realise !re is s mu* m to "k4 ,b n[ we want1 ,i believe1 two or ?ree great ideas :i* ev]yone c und]/&--l ,fa!rhood & ,bro!rhood1 l peace & ord]l9ess & beauty4 ,i ?9k t a *ur* s]vice means all ^! ?+s1 or ought to4 ,:at p ne$ is simplicity & beauty ( life--joy & hope & k9dness4 ,any?+ :i* helps ^! ?+s on is f9e2 any?+ :i* bewild]s & puzzles & gives a s5se ( dre>9ess is simply injuri\s4 ,i want to be told to be quiet1 to try aga91 n to be di%e>t5$ by failures1 n to be angry ) o!r p1 to give up ?+s1 r ?an to get !m ) a sauce ( envy & spite--! feel+ ( a happy & affectionate family1 9 fact4 ,! sort ( ?+ ,i don't want is ! ,a?anasian ,cre$4 ,i c't reg>d x simply z a picturesque monum5t ( anci5t & f]oci\s piety4 ,x seems to me an ov]hang+ cl\d ( m5ace & my/ification6 ,x doesn't hurt ! un9tellig5t ,*ri/ian1 ( c\rse--he simply doesn't und]/& x2 b to ! mod]ately intellig5t x is l a dog b>k+ furi\sly :i* may possibly get loose2 a little m intellig5ce1 & x is all "r4 ,y "k ! dog is safely ti$ up6 ,aga91 ,i don't m9d ! curs+ psalms1 because !y give ! p>son ! p[] ( say+3 ',we say ?is to rem9d ourselves t x 0 :at p us$ to feel1 & :i* ,*ri/ came to *ange4' ,i don't m9d any?+ t is human--:at ,i c't tol]ate is any?+ inhuman or un9telligible4 ,no "o c misund]/& ! ,beatitudes2 v few p c foll[ ! argum5ts ( ,/4 ,paul6 ,y don't want only elaborate reasons = clev] p1 y want /ill m beautiful motives = simple p4 ,x isn't p]fect1 our s]vice1 ,i admit1 b x does me good4 ,tell me1 ,i said--to g back = a mom5t--some?+ m ab\t m$itat+--,i l t6 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x's l an*or+ to a ?\ght4 ,?\ght is a fidgety ?+1 re/less1 p]v]se4 ,x an*ors itself v easily on to a grievance1 or an unpleasant incid5t1 or a squabble4 ,don't y "k ! mis]y ( be+ j]k$ back1 "t aft] "t1 by an unpleasant ?\ght8 ,i ?9k "o ought to practise ! opposite--& ,i "k n[ by exp]i5ce t x is possible4 ,i w make a confession4 ,i don't c>e = _m ( ! ,old ,te/am5t lessons myself4 ,i ?9k !re's too mu* fact1 or let u say incid5t1 9 !m1 & n en\gh poetry4 ,well1 ,i take up my ,bible1 & ,i look at ,job1 or ,isaiah1 or ! ,revelation1 & ,i read quietly on4 ,sudd5ly !re's a gleam ( gold 9 ! b$ ( ! /ream--"s spl5did1 deep1 f9e ?\ght4 ,i foll[ x out2 ,i ?9k h[ x has appe>$ 9 my own life1 or 9 ! lives ( o!r p--x be>s me away on its w+s1 ,i pray ab\t x1 ,i hope to be m l t--& s on4 ,sometimes x is a %>p revelation ( some?+ ugly & p]v]se 9 my own nature--,i don't dwell long on t1 b ,i see 9 imag9ation h[ x is likely to tr\ble me1 & ,i hope t x w n delude me aga92 because ^! evil ?+s delude "o1 !y call noxi\s tricks by f9e names4 ,i say to myself1 ',:at y pret5d is self-respect1 or consi/5cy1 is really irritable vanity or /upid unimag9ativ5ess4' ,b x is a mi/ake1 ,i ?9k1 to dwell long on "o's defici5cies3 :at "o has got to d is to fill "o's life full ( positive1 active1 beautiful ?+s1 until !re is no room = ! ugly intrud]s4 ,&1 to put x %ortly1 a s]vice makes me ?9k ab\t o!r p & ab\t ,god2 ,i fe> x doesn't make me contrite or sorr[ful4 ,i don't believe 9 any sort ( self-pity1 nor d ,i ?9k "o ought to cultivate %ame2 ^? ?+s lie close to dea?1 & x is life t ,i am 9 se>* (--fulness ( life4 ,don't let u bemoan ourselves1 or ?9k t a sign ( grace6 ,b if y f9d y\rself grubby1 na/y1 suspici\s1 irritable1 isn't x a good ?+ to rub x 9 sometimes8 ,i said4 ,no1 no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 life w d t h>d en\gh4 ,turn y\r back on x all1 look at ! beautiful ?+s1 leave a ?ief to cat* a ?ief1 & ! dead to bury ! dead4 ,don't sniff at ! evil ?+2 g & get a brea? ( fre% air4 ,,xiii ,,( ,,newspap]s ,fa!r ,payne 0 a v irregul> read] ( ! newspap]2 he 0 n gre$y ( news1 & he 0 incuri\s ab\t ev5ts1 :ile he dislik$ ! way 9 :i* !y 7 pr(essionally di%$ up = human consumption4 ,at times1 h[ev]1 he w\ld pore long & e>ne/ly ov] a daily pap] ) knitt$ br[s & sighs4 ,y seem to be suff]+ a good deal ov] y\r pap] to-day1 ,fa!r6 said ,b>?rop once1 reg>d+ him ) amusem5t4 ,fa!r ,payne lift$ up 8 head1 & !n broke into a smile4 ,x's all "r1 my boy6 he said4 ,i don't despair ( ! _w itself1 b ,i feel t if ! av]age newspap] repres5ts ! m9d ( ! av]age man1 ! human race is v feeble--n wor? sav+6 ,?is sort ( ?+--indicat+ ! pap] ) a wave ( 8 h&--makes me realise h[ _m ?+s !re are t don't int]e/ me--& ,i c't get at !m ei!r ?r\gh ! m$ium ( ^! writ]s' m9ds4 ,!y don't seem to want simply to describe ! facts1 b to manipulate !m2 !y try to make y uncom=table ab\t ! future1 & cont5t$ ) ! pa/4 ,x ought to be j ! o!r way6 ,& !n ,i ask myself1 ',ought ,i1 z a normal human be+1 to be z "o-sid$1 z submissive1 z trivial1 z s5tim5tal z ?is8' ,^! va/ summ>ies ( public op9ion1 d !y repres5t anyone's op9ion at all1 or are !y simply ! sort ( ?+ y talk ab\t 9 a railway-c>riage ) a man y don't "k8 ,does anyone's m9d really dwell on su* ?+s & pond] !m8 ,! newspap]s d n really "k :at is happ5+--ev]y?+ takes !m by surprise4 ,! ord9>y p]son is int]e/$ 9 8 "w1 8 amusem5ts1 ! p he lives )--9 real ?+s4 ,!re seems to be no?+ real "h2 x is all %ad[y1 ,i want to get at m5's m9ds1 n at :at j\rnali/s ?9k is 9 m5's m9ds4 ,! human be+ 9 ! newspap]s seems to me an utt]ly unreal p]son1 picturesque1 !atrical1 fatu\s1 slobb]+1 absurd4 ,does n ! newspap]-conv5tion misrepres5t u z mu* z ! book-conv5tion misrepres5ts u8 ,we /raggle irregul>ly along1 we are capable ( ent]ta9+ at ! same mom5t two :olly contr>y op9ions1 we d :at we don't int5d to d1 we don't c>ry out our hopes or our purposes4 ,! man 9 ! pap]s is agitat$1 excit$1 wild1 inquisitive--! ord9>y p]son is calm1 indiff]5t1 & on ! :ole fairly happy1 unless "s "o fright5s him4 ,i c't make x out1 because x isn't a conspiracy to deceive1 & yet x does deceive2 & :at is m1 mo/ p don't ev5 seem to "k t !y are be+ misrepres5t$4 ,x all seems to me to diff] z mu* f real life z ! ,morn+ ,s]vice read 9 *ur* diff]s f ! ?\ghts ( ! congregation6 ,h[ w\ld y m5d x8 said ,b>?rop4 ,x seems to me x mu/ repres5t some?+4 ,some?+6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i don't "k6 ,i don't believe we are s /upid & s ignoble6 ,z to m5d+ x1 t's ano!r "q4 ,writ+ is su* a curi\s ?+--x seems to repres5t any?+ 9 ! _w except ! curr5t ( a man's ?\ghts4 ,rev]ie--has anyone ev] tri$ to repres5t t8 ,i h be5 out = a walk sometimes1 & reflect$ :5 ,i came 9 t if :at has pass$ ?r\gh my m9d 7 all pr9t$ 9 full 9 a book1 x w\ld make a l>ge octavo volume--& preci\s /uff1 too6 ,yet ! few ?\ghts :i* d /& out :5 x is all ov]1 ! few bright fla%es1 !y are ?+s :i* c h>dly be writt5 d[n--at lea/ !y nev] are writt5 d[n4 ,b :at w\ld y d8 ,i said--) ! newspap]s1 ,i mean4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 a great deal ( ! news mo/ wor? tell+ c be told be/ 9 pictures4 ,i believe v mu* 9 illu/rat$ pap]s4 ,!y really d help ! imag9ation4 ,t's ! wor/ ( words--a doz5 scrat*es on a bit ( pap] d m to make "o realise a sc5e ?an columns ( description4 ,i w\ld d a lot ) pictures1 & a bit ( pr9t bel[ to tell p :at to notice4 ,!n we mu/ h a numb] ( b>e facts & notices--wea!r1 bus9ess1 trade1 law--! sort ( ?+ t p conc]n$ mu/ read4 ,b ,i w\ld make a clean sweep ( fa%ion1 & all s5sational intellig5ce--murd]s1 accid5ts1 sudd5 dea?s4 ,i w\ld h mu* m biography ( liv+ p z well z dead1 & a few ( ! big spee*es4 ,!n ,i w\ld h really good articles ) pictures ab\t =eign c\ntries--we ought to "k :at ! _w looks l1 & h[ ! o!r p live4 ,& !n ,i w\ld h "o or two really f9e little essays e day by ! v be/ p ,i c\ld get1 amus+1 s]i\s1 beautiful articles ab\t nature & art & books & ideas & qualities--"s real1 good1 pla91 wise1 f9e1 simple ?9k+4 ,y want to get p 9 t\* ) ! be/ m9ds6 ,& h[ _m p w\ld read su* a pap]8 ,i said4 ,oh1 ,i don't "k1 ,i'm sure1 said ,fa!r ,payne ) a groan4 ,i w\ld = "o6 ,i want to h ! feel+ ( be+ 9 t\* day by day ) ! clev]1 int]e/+1 lively1 active-m9d$ p1 z if ,i _h be5 li/5+ to good talk4 ,isn't t possible8 ,in/ead ( :i* ,i sit "h1 day aft] day1 ov]fl[+ ) my own ridicul\s ?\ghts--& ! _w dis*>g+ all its /al5ess & /upidity l a sew] 9 ^! horrible docum5ts4 ,take x away f me1 someone6 ,i'm fasc9at$ by ! disgu/+ smell ( x6 ,i )drew ! pap] f "u 8 h&s4 ,?ank y1 said ,fa!r ,payne feebly4 ,t's ! horror ( x--t ! _w isn't a dull place or a s5sational place or a na/y place--& ^? pap]s make me feel x is all ?ree6 ,i'm sorry y are s l[ ab\t x1 said ,b>?rop4 ,yes1 because j\rnalism ought to be ! f9e/ ?+ 9 ! _w1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,j imag9e6 ,! p[] ( talk+1 )\t any ( ! inconv5i5ces ( p]sonality1 to half-a-million p4 ,b :y doesn't x improve8 said ,b>?rop4 ,y always say t ! public f9ds out :at x wants1 & w h x4 ,9 books1 yes6 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b 9 daily life we are all s damnably afraid ( ! tru?--t's :at is ! matt] ) u1 & x is t :i* j\rnalism cat]s =4 ,suppress ! tru?1 pepp] x up1 flav\r x1 make x appetis+--try to p]suade p t ! _w is romantic--t's ! aim ( ! j\rnali/4 ,he flies f ! tru?1 he makes a fooli% tale out ( x1 he makes p despise ! real int]e/s ( life1 he makes u all want to escape f life into some?+ t nev] has be5 & nev] w be4 ,i loa! romance ) all my he>t4 ,! way ( escape is )91 & n )\t4 ,y _h bett] g = a walk1 said ,b>?rop soo?+ly4 ,i mu/1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i'm drunk & drugg$ ) unreality4 ,i w g & h a look r\nd ! f>m--no1 ,i won't h any company1 ?ank y4 ,i %all only g on fum+ & /ew+1 if ,i h sympa!tic li/5]s4 ,y are too amiable1 y fell[s4 ,y enc\rage me to talk1 :5 y ought to /op y\r e>s & run f me4 ,& ,fa!r ,payne swung out ( ! room4 ,,xiv ,,( ,,hate ,x 0 at d9n]1 "o fro/y w9t] ev5+1 & we 7 all 9 good spirits4 ,two or ?ree animat$ conv]sations 7 go+ on at ! table4 ,fa!r ,payne 0 tell+ "o ( 8 dreams to ! ?ree :o 7 ne>e/ to him1 &1 funny z mo/ ( 8 dreams 71 ?is 0 unusually s4 ,!re 0 a bur/ ( laught] & a sil5ce--a sudd5 %>p sil5ce1 9 :i* ,v9c5t1 :o 0 cont9u+ a conv]sation1 0 he>d to say to ,b>?rop1 9 a tone ( fi]ce v9dictiv5ess1 ,i hate him l ! devil6 ,ano!r laugh foll[$1 & ,v9c5t blu%$4 ,p]haps ,i ought n to say t8 he said 9 hurri$ tones4 ,y are q "r1 said ,fa!r ,payne to ,v9c5t1 enc\rag+ly--at lea/ y may be q "r4 ,i don't "k ( :om y 7 speak+4 ,yes1 :o is x1 ,v9c5t8 said someone1 lean+ =w>ds4 ,no1 no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t's n fair6 ,x 0 meant to be a private confession4 ,b y don't hate p1 ,fa!r8 said ,le/range1 look+ r pa9$4 ,i1 de> man8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,yes1 ( c\rse ,i d6 ,i loa! !m6 ,:]e are y\r eyes & e>s8 ,all dec5t p d4 ,h[ w\ld ! _w get on )\t x8 ,le/range look$ r %ock$4 ,i don't und]/&1 he said4 ,i always ga!r$ t y ?\ght x our bus9ess to--well1 to love p4 ,our bus9ess1 yes6 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b our pleasure1 no6 ,"o mu/ beg9 by hat+ p4 ,:at is !re to l ab\t _m ( u8 ,:y1 ,fa!r1 said ,v9c5t1 y are ! mo/ *>itable ( m56 ,fa!r ,payne gave him a little b[4 ,come1 he said1 ,i w make a confession4 ,i am by nature ! mo/ suspici\s ( mank9d4 ,i h all ! uncivilis$ in/9cts4 ,!re are p ( :om ,i hate ! sight & ! s\nd1 & ev5 ! sc5t4 ,my natural impulse is to see ! wor/ po9ts ( ev]yone4 ,i admit t p g5]ally improve ^u acqua9tance1 b ,i h no weak s5tim5t ab\t my fell[-m5--!y are (t5 ugly1 /upid1 ill-mann]$1 ill-temp]$1 unpleasant1 unk9d1 selfi%4 ,x is a positive delight sometimes to wat* a ?or\ghly na/y p]son1 & to reflect h[ mu* "o dete/s him4 ,x is a sign ( grace to d s4 ,h[ o!rwise %\ld "o le>n to hate oneself8 ,if y hate nobody1 :at reason is !re = try+ to improve8 ,x is impossible to realise h[ na/y y y\rself c be until y h se5 o!r p be+ na/y4 ,!n y say to y\rself1 ',come1 t is ! k9d ( ?+ t ,i d4 ,c ,i really be l t8' ,b surely1 said ,le/range1 if y d n try to love p1 y _c d any?+ = !m2 y _c wi% !m to be diff]5t4 ,:y n8 said ,fa!r ,payne1 laugh+4 ,y may hate !m s mu* t y may wi% !m to be diff]5t4 ,t is ! s\nd way to beg94 ,i say to myself1 ',"h is a truly dreadful p]son6 ,i w\ld aboli% & oblit]ate him if ,i c\ld2 b z ,i _c1 ,i mu/ try to get him out ( ?is mess1 t we may live m at ease1' ,x is simple humbug to pret5d to l ev]yone4 ,y may n ?9k x is entirely p's fault t !y are s unpleasant2 b if y really love f9e & beautiful ?+s1 y mu/ hate mean & ugly ?+s4 ,don't let !re be any misund]/&+1 he said1 smil+ r\nd ! table4 ,i h hat$ mo/ ( y at diff]5t times1 "s ( y v mu*4 ,i don't d5y !re are good po9ts ab\t y1 b t isn't en\gh4 ,sometimes y are dete/able6 ,i see :at y mean1 said ,b>?rop2 b y don't hate p--y only hate ?+s 9 !m & ab\t !m4 ,x is j a selection4 ,n at all1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,h[ are y go+ to sep>ate p's qualities & attributes f !mselves8 ,x is a process ( addition & subtraction1 if y l4 ,!re may be a balance 9 y\r fav\r4 ,b :5 a bad mood is on1 :5 a p]son is bili\s1 fracti\s1 ugly1 cross1 y hate him4 ,x is natural to d s1 & x is "r to d s4 ,i d loa! ?is talk ( mild1 weak1 univ]sal love4 ,! only *ance ( human be+s gett+ on at all1 or improv+ at all1 is t !y %\ld dete/ :at is dete/able1 z !y abom9ate a bad smell4 ,! only reason :y we are clean is because we h gradually le>nt to hate bad smells4 ,a bad smell means some?+ dang]\s 9 ! backgr\nd--s d ugl9ess1 ill-heal?1 bad temp]1 vanity1 gre$9ess1 /upidity1 meanness4 ,!y are all dang] signals4 ,we h no bus9ess to ignore !m1 or to =get !m1 or to make all[ances = !m4 ,!y are all "p ( ! bea/l9ess ( ! _w4 ,b if we believe 9 ,god1 & 9 ,god's goodness--if ,he does n hate any?+ :i* ,he has made1 said ,le/range r ruefully1 ought we n to try to d ! same8 ,my de> ,le/range1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 "o w\ld ?9k y 7 tea*+ a ,sunday-s*ool class6 ,h[ d y "k t ,god made ! na/y ?+s8 ,"o mu/ n ?9k s ill ( ,him z t6 ,x is bett] to ?9k ( ,god z feeble & ineffici5t1 ?an to make ,him responsible = all ! fil? & ugl9ess ( ! _w4 ,he hates !m z mu* z y d1 y may be sure ( t--& is z anxi\s z y are1 & a great deal m anxi\s1 to get rid ( !m4 ,god is inf9itely m conc]n$ ab\t x1 mu* m disappo9t$ ab\t x1 ?an y or me4 ,:y1 y & ,i are (t5 tak5 94 ,we don't always "k :5 ?+s are rott54 ,i h made fri5ds be=e n[ ) p :o seem$ *>m+1 & ,i h f\nd out t ,i 0 wrong4 ,b ,i d n ?9k t ,god is tak5 94 ,x is a v mix$ affair1 ( c\rse2 b "o ?+ is cle>1 t some?+ v fil?y is dis*>g+ itself into ! _w1 l a sew] into a riv]1 ,i am n go+ to cr$it ,god ) t2 ,he is try+ to get rid ( x1 y may be sure1 & ,he _c d x z fa/ z ,he w\ld l4 ,we h got to sympa?ise ) ,him1 & we h got to help ,him4 ,come1 someone else mu/ talk--,i mu/ get on ) my d9n]1 ,fa!r ,payne address$ himself to 8 plate ) obvi\s appetite4 ,x is all my fault1 said ,v9c5t1 b ,i am n go+ to tell y :om ,i meant1 & ,b>?rop mu/ n4 ,b ,i w tell y h[ x 04 ,i 0 ) ?is man1 :o is an old acqua9tance ( m9e4 ,i us$ to "k him :5 ,i 0 liv+ 9 ,london4 ,i met him ! o!r day1 & he ask$ me to lun*eon4 ,he 0 pleasant en\gh1 b aft] lun* he said to me t he 0 go+ to take ! privilege ( an old fri5d1 & give me "s advice4 ,he began by pay+ me complim5ts2 he said t he _h ?\ght a ye> ago t ,i 0 really go+ to d some?+ 9 lit]ature4 ',y _h made a little place = y\rself1' he said2 'y _h got y\r foot on ! ladd]4 ,y knew ! "r p4 ,y _h a real *ance ( success4 ,!n1 9 ! middle ( x all1 y g & bury y\rself 9 ! c\ntry ) an old'--no1 ,i c't say x4 ,don't m9d me6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,v well1 said ,v9c5t1 if y w he> x--') an old humbug1 & a set ( asses4 ,y sit 9 ea* o!rs' pockets1 y praise ea* o!rs' /uff1 y lead :at y call ! simple life4 ,:]e w y all be five ye>s h5ce8' ,i told him t ,i didn't "k1 & ,i didn't c>e4 ,!n he lo/ 8 temp]1 &1 :at 0 worse1 he ?\ght he 0 keep+ x4 ',v well1' he said4 ',n[ ,i w tell y :at y ought to be do+4 ,y ought to h buckl$ to y\r "w1 pu%$ y\rself quietly 9 all directions1 nev] h writt5 any?+1 or made a fri5d1 or accept$ an invitation1 )\t say+1 ,w ?is add to my consequ5ce8 ,we mu/ all nurse our reputations 9 ?is _w4 ,!y don't come ( !mselves--!y h to be made6' ,well1 ,i ?\ght ?is all v sick5+1 & ,i said ,i didn't c>e a d--n ab\t my reputation4 ,i said ,i _h a *ance ( liv+ ) p :om ,i lik$1 & ( work+ at ?+s ,i c>$ ab\t1 & ,i ?\ght 8 !ories simply disgu/+ & vulg>4 ,he %[$ 8 tee? at t1 & said t he _h spok5 z a true fri5d1 & t x _h be5 a pa9ful task2 & !n ,i said ,i 0 mu* oblig$ to him1 & came away4 ,t's ! /ory6 ,t's all "r1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & ,i am mu* oblig$ to y = ! sidelight on my "*4 ,b !re is some?+ 9 :at he said1 y "k4 ,y are r unpractical6 ,i %all s5d y back = a bit to ,london1 ,i ?9k6 ,:y on e>? d y say t8 said ,v9c5t1 look+ a little cre/fall54 ,because y m9d x too mu*1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y mu/ n get s(t4 ,t's ! dang] ( ?is life6 ,x's all v well = me2 ,i'm t\gh1 & ,i'm mod]ately ri*4 ,b y w\ld n h c>$ s mu* if y _h n ?\ght !re 0 some?+ 9 :at he said4 ,x 0 v l[1 no d\bt1 & ,i give y leave to hate him2 ?\gh1 if y are go+ to lead ! deta*$ life1 y mu/ be deta*$4 ,b n[ ,i h caught y up--& we w g back a little4 ,! mi/ake y made1 ,v9c5t1 if ,i may say s1 0 to be angry4 ,y may hate p1 b y mu/ n %[ t y hate !m4 ,t is ! practical side ( ! pr9ciple4 ,! mom5t y beg9 to squabble1 & to say w\nd+ ?+s1 & to try to hurt ! p]son y hate1 y are simply putt+ y\rself on 8 level4 ,& y mu/ n be %ock$ or pa9$ ei!r4 ,t is worse /ill1 because x makes y sup]ior1 )\t mak+ y engag+4 ,!n :at are y to d8 said ,b>?rop4 ,try p]suasion if y l1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b y _h bett] fall back on attractive virtue6 ,y mu/ ignore ! na/9ess1 & give ! pleasant qualities1 if !re are any1 room to manoeuvre4 ,b ,i admit x is a difficult job1 & ne$s "s practice4 ,b ,i don't see any pr9ciple ab\t x1 said ,v9c5t4 ,!re isn't any1 said ,fa!r ,payne2--at lea/ !re is1 b y mu/ n dig x 94 ,y mu/n't use pr9ciples z if !y 7 bayonets4 ,civility is ! be/ m$ium4 ,if y appe> to be fatu\sly unconsci\s ( o!r p's pres5ce1 ( c\rse !y want to make !mselves felt4 ,b if y are good-hum\r$ & polite1 !y w try to make y ?9k well ( !m4 ,t is probably :y y\r fri5d calls me a humbug--he ?9ks ,i c't feel z polite z ,i seem4 ,b if y are deal+ ) a real egoti/1 said ,v9c5t1 :at are y to d !n8 ,keep ! talk firmly on himself1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 &1 if he ev] /rays f ! subject1 ask him a "q ab\t himself4 ,egoti/s are g5]ally clev] p1 & no clev] p l be+ drawn out1 :ile no egoti/s l to be p]ceiv$ to be egoti/s4 ,y "k ! old say+ t a bore is a p]son :o wants to talk ab\t himself :5 y want to talk ab\t y\rself4 ,x is ! pull aga9/ him t makes ! bore want to hold 8 own4 ,! fir/ duty ( ! evangeli/ is to le>n to pay complim5ts unobtrusively4 ,t's r a nause\s prescription6 said ,le/range1 mak+ a face4 ,well1 y c beg9 ) t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & :5 ,i see y p]fect 9 x1 ,i w tell y some?+ else4 ,let's h "s music1 & let me get ! ta/e ( all ?is high talk out ( my m\?6 ,,xv ,,( ,,writ+ ,!re 7 c]ta9 days :5 ,fa!r ,payne w\ld hurry 9 to meals late & ab/ract$1 )1 a cl\dy eye1 t1 z he ate1 0 fix$ on a po9t ab\t a y>d 9 front ( him1 or possibly ab\t two miles away4 ,he gave vague or fooli% replies to que/ions1 he ha/5$ away aga91 hav+ he>d voices b se5 no "o4 ,i d\bt if he c\ld h c]ta9ly nam$ anyone 9 ! room aft]w>ds4 ,i _h a little "q ( bus9ess to ask him on "o su* occasion aft] breakfa/4 ,i slipp$ out b two m9utes aft] him1 w5t to 8 /udy1 & knock$4 ,an obscure s\nd came f )94 ,he 0 seat$ on 8 *air1 b5d+ ov] 8 writ+-table4 ,may ,i ask y some?+8 ,i said4 ,damnation6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i apologis$1 & tri$ to )draw on tiptoe1 b he said1 turn+ half r\nd1 some:at impati5tly1 ,oh1 come 91 come 9--x's all "r4 ,:at d y want8 ,i don't want to di/urb y1 ,i said4 ,come 91 ,i tell y6 he said1 add+1 y may j z well1 because ,i h no?+ to d = a qu>t] ( an h\r4 ,he ?rew a p5 on ! table4 ,x's "o ( my v few p5ances4 ,if ,i swe> :5 ,i am at "w1 ,i d no "w = a qu>t] ( an h\r2 s y c keep me company4 ,sit d[n !re6 ,he indicat$ a *air ) 8 l>ge foot1 & ,i sat d[n4 ,my "q 0 soon ask$ & soon] answ]$4 ,fa!r ,payne beam$ ^u me ) an indulg5t air1 & ,i said3 ,may ,i ask :at y 7 do+8 ,y may1 he said4 ,i rejoice to talk ab\t x4 ,x's my novel4 ,y\r novel6 ,i said4 ,i didn't "k y wrote novels4 ,:at sort ( a book is x8 ,x's wret*$1 he said1 x's horrible1 x's grotesque6 ,x's m l all o!r novels ?an any book ,i "k4 ,x's writt5 9 ! mo/ abom9able /yle2 !re isn't a s+le good po9t ab\t x4 ,! incid5ts are all hackney$1 !re isn't a s+le lifelike "* 9 x1 or a s+le good description1 or a s+le rem>k wor? mak+4 ,i %\ld ?9k x's ! wor/ book ev] writt54 ,w y he> a bit ( x8 ,d1 n[6 only a %ort bit4 ,i %\ld love to read x to y4 ,yes1 ( c\rse1 ,i said1 !re is no?+ ,i %\ld l bett]4 ,he read a passage4 ,x 0 v bad inde$1 ,i c\ldn't h imag9$ t an able man c\ld h writt5 su* /uff4 ,i _h an awful feel+ t ,i _h he>d e ^w be=e4 ,!re1 he said at la/1 t's r a fav\rable specim54 ,:at d y ?9k ( x8 ,come1 out ) x4 ,i'm afraid ,i'm n v mu* ( a judge1 ,i said4 ,8 face fell4 ,t's :at ev]yone says1 he said4 ,i "k :at y mean4 ,b ,i'll publi% x--,i'll be d----d if ,i won't6 ,oh1 da% x1 t's five m9utes m4 ,no--,i wasn't work+1 0 ,i8 ,j conv]s+4 ,b :y d y write x1 if y are s dissatisfi$ ) x8 ,i said feebly4 ,:y8 he said 9 a l\d voice4 ,:y8 ,because ,i love x4 ,i'm besott$ by x4 ,x's l /rong dr9k to me4 ,i d\bt if !re's a man 9 ,engl& :o enjoys himself m ?an ,i d :5 ,i'm writ+4 ,! wor/ ( x is1 t x won't come out--x's beautiful en\gh :5 ,i ?9k ( x1 b ,i c't get x d[n4 ,x's my second novel1 m9d y1 & ,i h got plans = ?ree m4 ,d y suppose ,i'm go+ to sit "h1 ) all y fell[s enjoy+ y\rselves1 & n h my bit ( fun8 ,b x's hopeless1 & ,i ought to be a%am$ ( myself4 ,!re simply isn't any?+ 9 ! _w t ,i %\ld n be bett] employ$ 9 do+ ?an 9 scribbl+ ?is /uff4 ,i "k t2 b all ! au?ors ,i "k say t writ+ a book is ! "p !y enjoy--!y don't c>e ab\t correct+ pro(s1 or publi%+1 or see+ reviews1 or be+ paid = x4 ,v dis9t]e/$ & noble1 ( c\rse6 ,n[ ,i %\ld enjoy x all ?r\gh1 b ,i simply d>5't publi% my la/ "o--,i %\ld be hoot$ 9 ! village :5 ! reviews appe>$4 ,b ,i am go+ to h my fun--! act ( creation1 y "k6 ,b x's too late to beg91 & ,i h _h no tra9+4 ,! bea/ly ?+ is z /icky z treacle4 ,x's a sort ( vomit ( all ! novels ,i h ev] read1 & t's ! tru?6 ,i simply don't und]/&1 ,i said4 ,i h he>d y criticise books1 ,i h he>d y criticise "s ( our "w--y h criticis$ m9e4 ,i ?9k y "o ( ! be/ critics ,i ev] he>d4 ,y seem to "k exactly h[ x ought to be done4 ,yes1 he said1 fr[n+1 ,i believe ,i d4 ,t's j x6 ,i'm a critic1 pure & simple4 ,i c't look at any?+1 f a pig/ye to a ca!dral1 or li/5 to any?+1 f a bird s++ to an or*e/ra1 or read any?+1 f ,brad%aw to ,%akespe>e1 )\t see+ :5 x is out ( %ape & h[ x ought to be done4 ,i'm l ! man 9 ,ezekiel1 ^: appe>ance 0 l ! appe>ance ( brass1 ) a l9e ( flax 9 8 h& & a measur+ re$4 ,he goes on measur+ ev]y?+ = ab\t five *apt]s1 & no?+ comes ( x1 z f> z ,i c rememb]6 ,i suppose ,i ought to be cont5t ) t1 b ,i c't be> x4 ,i hate fault-f9d+4 ,i want to make beautiful ?+s4 ,i sp5t mon?s ov] my la/ novel1 &1 z ,a>on said to ,moses1 ',!re came out ?is calf6' ,i'm a v un=tunate man4 ,if ,i _h n _h to "w s h>d = _m ye>s = a b>e liv+1 ,i c\ld h done some?+ ) writ+1 ,i ?9k4 ,b n[ ,i'm a sort ( plumb]1 m5d+ holes 9 o!r p's "w4 ,nev] m9d4 ,i w wa/e my "t6 ,all ?is :ile he 0 eye+ ! little clock on 8 table4 ,n[ be (f6 he said sudd5ly1 ,my p5ance is ov]1 & ,i won't be di/urb$6 ,he caught up 8 p54 ,y _h bett] tell ! o!rs n to come ne> me1 or ,i'm bless$ if ,i won't read ! :ole ?+ al\d aft] d9n]6 ,& he 0 imm]s$ 9 8 "w aga94 ,two or ?ree days lat] ,i f\nd ,fa!r ,payne /roll+ 9 ! g>d51 on a bright morn+4 ,x 0 j on ! v]ge ( spr+4 ,!re 7 catk9s 9 ! %rubb]y4 ,! lilacs 7 all knobb$ ) gre54 ,! aconite 0 9 full bloom "u ! trees1 & ! soil 0 all prick$ ) little gre5 blades4 ,he 0 dr9k+ x all 9 ) delight$ glances4 ,i said some?+ ab\t 8 book4 ,oh1 ! fit's (f6 said he2 ,i'm sob] aga96 ,i f9i%$ ! *apt]1 &1 by ,jove1 ,i ?9k x's ! wor/ ?+ ,i h done yet4 ,x's simply infam\s6 ,i read x ) /rong s5sations ( nausea6 ,i really don't "k h[ ,i c get su* deplorable rubbi% d[n on pap]4 ,no matt]1 ,i get all ! rapture ( creation1 & t's ! be/ "p ( x4 ,i simply c\ldn't live )\t x4 ,x cle>s (f "s p]il\s /uff or o!r1 & n[ ,i feel l a convalesc5t4 ,did y ev] see any?+ s en*ant+ z t aconite8 ,! col\r ( x1 & ! way ! little r\nd head is tuck$ d[n on ! leaves6 ,i c\ld improve on x a trifle1 b n mu*4 ,god mu/ h _h a delici\s "t design+ fl[]s--,i wond] :y ,he gave up do+ x1 & left x to ! m>ket-g>d5]s4 ,i c't make out :y new fl[]s don't keep appe>+4 ,i c\ld (f] a few sugge/ions4 ,i dream ( fl[]s sometimes--great banks ( bloom ris+ up out ( cry/al riv]s1 9 deep gorges1 full ( sun%9e & sc5t4 ,h[ nice x is to be idle6 ,i'm sure ,i've e>n$ x1 aft] t deplorable *apt]4 ,x really is a miracle ( flatness6 ,y g back to y\r "w1 my boy1 & ?ank ,god y c say :at y mean6 ,& !n y c br+ x to me1 & ,i'll tell y to an in* :at x is wor?6 ,,xvi ,,( ,,m>riage ,we 7 all at d9n] "o day1 & ,fa!r ,payne came 91 9 an excit$ mood1 ) a lett] 9 8 h&4 ,"h's a bit ( nons5se1 he said4 ,"h's my old fri5d ,dav5port giv+ me :at he calls a piece ( 8 m9d--he c't h mu* left--ab\t my 'celibate bro!rhood1' z he calls x4 ,x's all ! o!r way6 ,i am r reliev$ :5 ,i he> t any ( y p are happily engag$ to be m>ri$4 ,celibacy is ! dang] ( my exp]im5t1 n ! object ( x4 ,d y wi% u to be m>ri$8 said ,kaye4 ,t's new to me4 ,i ?\ght ?is 0 a little =tress aga9/ ! et]nal fem99e4 ,:at rubbi%6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,! wor/ ( us+ ridicul\s words l fem99e is t x bl9ds p to ! tru?4 ,mascul9e & fem99e h no?+ to d ) sex4 ,9 ! fir/ place1 intellectual p are all r apt to be sexless2 9 ! next place1 all s5sible p1 m5 & wom5 alike1 are :at is meant by mascul9e--t is to say1 spirit$1 g5]\s1 tol]ant1 good-natur$1 frank4 ,?irdly1 all suspici\s1 s*em+1 s5sitive1 !atrical1 irritable1 va9 p are :at is meant by fem99e4 ,& arti/ic natures are all prone to ^? fail+s1 because !y desire dignity & influ5ce--!y want to be felt4 ,! real diff]5ce betwe5 p is :e!r !y want to live1 or :e!r !y want to be kn[n to exi/4 ,! wor/ ( fem99e p is t !y are probably ! p :o ought n to m>ry1 unless !y m>ry a mascul9e p]son2 & !y are n1 z a rule1 attract$ by mascul9ity4 ,b "o c't get m>ri$ 9 cold blood1 said ,v9c5t4 ,i (t5 wi% t m>riages c\ld j be arrang$1 z !y d x 9 ,france4 ,i ?9k ,i %\ld be a v good husb&1 b ,i %all nev] h ! c\rage or ! "t to g 9 se>* ( a wife4 ,t's :y ,i s5d y all out into ! _w1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,mo/ p ought to be m>ri$4 ,x's a normal ?+--x isn't a transc5d5tal ?+4 ,9 my exp]i5ce mo/ m>riages are successful4 ,x does ev]yone good to be oblig$ to live at close qu>t]s ) o!r p1 & to be unable to get away f !m4 ,i didn't "k y 7 int]e/$ 9 su* matt]s1 said someone4 ,i h gone into x pretty consid]ably1 sir1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,! "o ?+ t does int]e/ me is human admixtures4 ,x does no "o any good to get too mu* atta*$ to 8 own po9t ( view4 ,b surely1 said ,rose1 !re are "s m>riages :i* are obvi\sly bad = all conc]n$--real incompatibilities8 ,p :o c't und]/& ea* o!r or _! *ildr5--*ildr5 :o c't und]/& _! p>5ts8 ,x always seems to me r horrible t p %\ld be %ut up toge!r l rats 9 a cage4 ,i expect we %all h legislation be=e long1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 = break+ up homes :]e "s def9ite evil l drunk5ness is at "w--b ,i don't want indu/rial s*ools = *ildr52 t is ev5 m inhuman ?an a bad home4 ,we want m bo>d+ out1 b t's exp5sive4 ,someone has to pay1 if *ildr5 are to be plant$ out1 & to pay well4 ,!re's no motive ( duty s /rong = an ,engli%man z good wages4 ,p are hone/ ab\t giv+ fair money's wor?4 ,b x is no good talk+ ab\t ^! ?+s1 because !y are all s f> ahead ( u4 ,! "q is :e!r anyone c sugge/ any practical means ( fil+ away any ( ! r\ghnesses ( m>riage4 ,i d n believe t ! problem is v s]i\s among work]s4 ,x is ! m>riage ( idle p t is apt to be disa/r\s4 ,! ?+ t damages _m m>riages1 said ,rose1 is ! fact t p h got to see s mu* ( ea* o!r4 ,:at p really want is a holiday f ea* o!r4 ,yes1 b t is impossible f9ancially1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,ap>t f love & *ildr51 m>riage is a small jo9t-/ock company = *eap com=t4 ,b x is ( no use to g vap\r+ on ab\t ^! big s*emes1 because 9 a democracy p won't d :at philosoph]s wi%1 b :at !y want4 ,let's take a notori\s case1 kn[n to ev]yone4 ,c anyone say :at practical advice he c\ld h giv5 to ei!r ,c>lyle or to ,mrs4 ,c>lyle1 :i* w\ld h improv$ t wit*es' cauldron8 ,!re 7 two high-pr9cipl$ ,puritanical p1 :i* is ! same ?+ z say+ t !y bo? 7 dispos$ to consid] t anyone :o disagre$ ) !m did s = a bad motive1 & exalt$ _! own :ims & prejudices into moral pr9ciples2 bo? ( !m irritable & s5sitive1 bo? able to give in/antane\s & elaborate expression to _! vague/ ?\ghts1--,c>lyle himself ) eloqu5ce :i* he wield$ l a bludgeon1 & ,mrs4 ,c>lyle ) incisiv5ess :i* %e us$ l a %>p knife--,c>lyle ) too mu* to d1 & ,mrs4 ,c>lyle ) less ?an no?+ to d--ea* passionately atta*$ to ! o!r z soon z !y 7 sep>at$1 & bo? capable ( say+ ! sweete/ & mo/ affectionate ?+s by lett]1 :i* !y c\ld n = ! life ( !m utt] 9 talk4 ,!y did1 z a matt] ( fact1 sp5d an imm5se am\nt ( "t ap>t2 & :5 !y 7 toge!r1 ,c>lyle1 hav+ be5 tra9$ z a peasant & "o ( a l>ge family1 r\ghly neglect$ ,mrs4 ,c>lyle1 :ile ,mrs4 ,c>lyle1 ) a middle-class tra9+1 & moreov] indulg$ z an only daught]1 0 too pr\d to compla91 b n pr\d en\gh n to res5t ! neglect deeply4 ,:at c\ld h be5 done = !m8 ,7 !y impossible p to live )8 ,0 x true1 z ,t5nyson bluntly said1 t x 0 z well t !y m>ri$1 because two p 7 unhappy in/ead ( f\r8 ,!y want$ a *ild z a g-betwe56 said ,b>?rop4 ,( c\rse !y did6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,t w\ld h pull$ ! :ole mnage toge!r4 ,& don't tell me t x 0 a wise disp5sation t !y 7 *ildless6 ,cleans+ fires8 ,! fires 9 :i* !y liv$1 ) ,c>lyle rag+ ab\t porridge & milk & cr[+ cocks1 work+ alone1 walk+ alone1 fly+ (f to see ,lady ,a%burton1 sleep+ alone2 & ,mrs4 ,c>lyle1 :om ev]yone else admir$ & ador$1 eat+ h] he>t out because %e c\ld n get him to value h] company2--!re 0 n mu* t 0 cleans+ ab\t all t6 ,! cleans+ came :5 %e 0 dead1 & :5 he saw :at he _h done4 ,i expect !y h made x up by n[1 said ,kaye4 ,y're q "r6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x matt]s less ) ^? great vivid p4 ,!y c af=d to rememb]4 ,b ! little p1 :o simply end fur!r back ?an !y began1 :at is to be done = !m8 ,,xvii ,,( ,,lov+ ,,god ,fa!r ,payne sudd5ly said to me once 9 a l\d voice1 aft] a long sil5ce--we 7 walk+ toge!r--,writ]s1 prea*]s1 morali/s1 s5tim5tali/s1 are mu* to blame = n expla9+ m :at !y mean by lov+ ,god--p]haps !y d n "k6 ,love is s l>ge a ^w1 & cov]s s great a range ( feel+s4 ,:at sort ( love are we to give ,god--! love ( ! lov]1 or ! son1 or ! daught]1 or ! fri5d1 or ! patriot1 or ! dog8 ,is x to be passion1 or admiration1 or rev]5ce1 or fidelity1 or pity8 ,all ( ^! ent] into love4 ,:at d y ?9k y\rself8 ,i said4 ,h[ am ,i to tell8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i am 9 _m m9ds ab\t x--x _c be passion1 because1 :atev] "o may say1 some?+ ( physical satisfaction is m+l$ ) t4 ,x _c be a dumb fidelity--t is irrational4 ,x _c be an equal fri5d%ip1 because !re is no equality possible4 ,x _c be t ( ! *ild = ! "m1 because ! m9d is h>dly conc]n$ 9 t4 ,c "o inde$ love ! ,unkn[n8 ,aga91 x _c be all receiv+ & no giv+4 ,we mu/ h some?+ to give ,god :i* ,he desires to h & :i* we c )hold4 ,to say t ! answ] is1 ',my son1 give ,me ?y he>t1' begs ! "q1 because ! "o ?+ c]ta9 ab\t love is t we _c give x to :om we w--x mu/ be evok$2 & ev5 if x is want$1 we _c always give x4 ,we may respect & rev]5ce a p]son v mu*1 b1 z ,*>lotte ,bront said1 'our ve9s may run ice :5ev] we are ne> him4' ,& !n1 too1 c we love any "o :o kn[s u p]fectly1 ?r\gh & ?r\gh8 ,is x n ( ! ess5ce ( love to be bl9d8 ,is x possible = u to feel t we are wor?y ( ! love ( anyone :o really kn[s u8 ,& !n1 too1 if disa/] & suff]+ & cruel usage & t]ror come f ,god1 )\t ref]5ce to ! s5sitiv5ess ( ! s\l & body on :i* !y fall1 c we possibly love ! ,p[] :i* behaves s8 ,:at *ild c\ld love a fa!r :o might at any "t /rike him8 ,i _c believe t ,god wants an unque/ion+ & fatu\s tru/1 & /ill less ! sort ( def]5ce we pay to "o :o may d u a mis*ief if we d n cr+e be=e him4 ,all t is utt]ly unwor?y ( ! m9d & s\l4 ,is x n possible to believe1 ,i said1 t all exp]i5ce may be good = u1 h[ev] h>% x seems8 ,no rational man c ?9k t1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,suff]+ is n good = p if x is sev]e & protract$4 ,i h se5 _m natures g utt]ly to pieces "u x4 ,:at d y believe1 !n8 ,i said4 ,( c\rse ! only obvi\s explanation1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 is t suff]+1 mis]y1 evil1 disa/]1 disease d n come f ,god at all2 t ,he is ! giv] ( heal? & joy & light & happ9ess2 t ,he gives u all ,he c1 & sp>es u all ,he c2 b t !re is a great enemy 9 ! _w1 :om ,he _c in/antly conqu]2 t ,he is do+ all ,he c to %ield u1 & to repair ! h>m t befalls u--t we c make common cause ) ,him1 & pity ,him = ,8 ?w>t$ plans1 ,8 endless disappo9tm5ts1 ,8 innum]able failures1 ,8 griev\s suff]+s4 ,x w\ld be easy to love ,god if ,he 7 l t--yet :o d>es to say x or to tea* x8 ,x is ! dreadful doctr9e ( ,8 ,omnipot5ce t ru9s ev]y?+4 ,i _c hold any communication ) ,omnipot5ce--x is a consum+ fire2 b if ,i c\ld "k t ,god 0 /rong & pati5t & dilig5t1 b n all-p[]ful or all-kn[+1 !n ,i c\ld commune ) ,him4 ,if1 :5 "s evil mi%ap ov]takes me1 ,i c\ld say to ,him1 ',come1 help me1 console me1 %[ me h[ to m5d ?is1 give me all ! com=t y c1' !n ,i c\ld turn to ,him 9 love & tru/1 s long z ,i c\ld feel t ,he did n wi% ! disa/] to happ5 to me b c\ld n w>d x (f1 & 0 z mis]able z myself t x _h happ5$4 ,n s mis]able1 ( c\rse1 because ,he has wait$ s long1 suff]$ s mu*1 & c disc]n s bright & di/ant a hope4 ,!n1 too1 ,i might feel t dea? 0 p]haps our escape f _m k9ds ( evil1 & t ,i %\ld be clasp$ to ,8 he>t = a:ile1 ev5 ?\gh ,he s5t me out aga9 to fight ,8 battles4 ,t w\ld evoke all my love & en]gy & c\rage1 because ,i c\ld feel t ,i c\ld give ,him my help2 b if ,he is ,almighty1 & c\ld h avoid$ all ! sorr[ & pa91 !n ,i am simply bewild]$ & fright5$1 because ,i c pr$icate no?+ ab\t ,him4 ,is n t ! idea :i* ,*ri/ianity aims at8 ,i said4 ,yes1 he said2 ! suff]+ ,savi\r1 :o c resi/ evil & am5d x1 b _c in/antly subdue x2 b1 ev5 s1 x seems to set up two ,gods = "o4 ,! m9d _c really id5tify ! ,savi\r ) ! ,almighty ,design] ( ! ,univ]se4 ,b ! ?\ght ( ! ,savi\r does int]pret ! s5se ( ,god's failure & suff]+1 does br+ x all ne>] to ! he>t4 ,b if !re is ,omnipot5ce beh9d1 x all falls to ! gr\nd aga9--at lea/ x does = me4 ,i _c pray to ,omnipot5ce & ,omnisci5ce1 because x is useless to d s4 ,! limit$ & ! unlimit$ _c jo9 h&s4 ,i mu/1 if ,i am to believe 9 ,god1 believe 9 ,him z a w>rior arriv+ on a sc5e ( disord]1 & try+ to make all well4 ,he mu/ n h p]mitt$ ! disord] to gr[ up1 & !n try to subdue x4 ,x mu/ be !re fir/4 ,x is a battle obvi\sly--b x mu/ be a real battle aga9/ a real foe1 n a %am fight betwe5 ho/s creat$ by ,god4 ,9 t case1 'to ?9k ( oneself z an in/rum5t ( ,god's designs is a privilege "o %>es ) ! devil1' z someone said4 ,i w n believe t ,he is s little 9 e>ne/ z t4 ,no1 ,he is ! great invad]1 :o desires to turn d>kness to light1 rage to peace1 mis]y to happ9ess4 ,!n1 & only !n1 c ,i enli/ "u ,8 bann]1 fight = ,him1 hon\r ,him1 wor%ip ,him1 compassionate ,him1 & ev5 love ,him2 b if ,he is 9 any way responsible = evil1 by design or by neglect1 !n ,i am lo/ inde$6 ,,xviii ,,( ,,fri5d%ip ,he is ! sort ( man :o is always los+ 8 fri5ds1 said ,poll>d at d9n] to ,fa!r ,payne1 describ+ someone1 & ,i always ?9k t's a bad sign4 ,& ,i1 on ! contr>y1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ?9k t a man :o always keeps 8 fri5ds is almo/ always an ass6 ,he op5$ 8 m\? & drew 9 8 brea?4 ,or else x means1 said ,b>?rop1 t he has nev] really made any fri5ds at all6 ,q "r1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,p talk ab\t fri5d%ip z if x 0 a p]fectly normal ?+1 l eat+ & dr9k+--x's n t6 ,x's a difficult ?+1 & x is a r>e ?+4 ,i d n mean m]e proximities & easy comrade%ips & muddl$ alliances2 !re are pl5ty ( frank & pleasant companion%ips ab\t ( a solid k9d4 ,/ill less d ,i mean ! sort ( ?+ :i* is conta9$ 9 su* an expression z ',de> old boy6' :i* is always a half-contemptu\s phrase4 ,b isn't loyalty a f9e quality8 said ,le/range4 ,loyalty6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,( c\rse y mu/ play fair1 & be ready to /ick by a man1 & d him a k9dness1 & help him up if he has a fall2 b t is n fri5d%ip--at lea/ x isn't :at ,i mean by fri5d%ip4 ,fri5d%ip is a sort ( passion1 )\t any?+ sexual or reproductive ab\t x4 ,!re is a physical basis ab\t x1 ( c\rse4 ,i mean !re are c]ta9 q admirable1 /raight=w>d1 pleasant p1 :om y may meet & l1 & yet ) :om y c\ld nev] be fri5ds1 ?\gh !y may be q capable ( fri5d%ip1 & h fri5ds ( _! own4 ,a man's pres5ce & 8 views & emotions mu/ be 9 "s sort ( tune ) y\r own4 ,!re are c]ta9 p1 n 9 ! lea/ repell5t1 g5ial1 k9dly1 h&some1 excell5t 9 e way1 ) :om y simply are n com=table4 ,on ! o!r h&1 !re are p ( no great obvi\s attractiv5ess ) :om y feel in/antane\sly at ease4 ,!re is some?+ my/]i\s ab\t x1 "s curr5ts t don't mix1 & "s t d4 ,a ?\s& ye>s h5ce we %all probably "k some?+ ab\t x we don't n[4 ,i feel t v /rongly ab\t books1 said ,kaye4 ,!re are c]ta9 au?ors1 :o h skill1 *>m1 fancy1 inv5tion1 /yle--all ! ?+s y value--:o yet leave y absolutely cold4 ,!y h e qualification = pleas+ except ! p[] to please4 ,x is simply a case ( ,dr4 ,fell6 ,y c't give a s+le valid reason :y y don't l !m4 ,yes1 inde$1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 & !n1 aga91 !re are au?ors :om y l at a c]ta9 age & "u c]ta9 circum/ances1 & :o end by bor+ y2 & aga91 au?ors :om y don't l :5 y are "y1 & l bett] :5 y are old4 ,does y\r idea ( loyalty apply also to books1 ,le/range1 or to music8 ,no1 said ,le/range1 to be frank1 x does n2 b ,i ?9k t is diff]5t--a lot ( te*nical ?+s come 91 & !n "o's ta/e alt]s4 ,& t is j ! same ) p1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,:y1 :at does loyalty mean 9 su* a connection8 ,y h admir$ a book or a piece ( music2 y cease to admire x4 ,are y to g on say+ y admire x1 or to pret5d to y\rself t y admire x8 ,( c\rse n--t is simply hypocrisy--!re is no?+ real ab\t t4 ,b :at are y to d1 said ,v9c5t1 ab\t p8 ,y c't treat !m l books or music4 ,y ne$ n g on read+ a book :i* y h ceas$ to admire4 ,b :at if y h made a fri5d1 & !n ceas$ to c>e = him1 & he goes on c>+ = y8 ,are y to ?r[ him ov]8 ,i admit t !re is a difficulty1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ,i agree t y mu/ n disappo9t p2 b x is also someh[ y\r duty to get out ( a relation t is no long] a real "o4 ,x c't be :olesome to simulate emotions = ! sake ( loyalty4 ,x mu/ all dep5d ^u :i* y ?9k ! f9] ?+--! emotion or ! tie4 ,p]sonally1 ,i ?9k ! emotion is ! m sacr$ ( ! two4 ,b does x n mean t y h made a mi/ake someh[1 said ,v9c5t1 if y h made a fri5d1 & !n cease to c>e ab\t him8 ,n a bit1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,:y1 p *ange v mu*1 & "s p *ange fa/] ?an o!rs4 ,a man may be exactly :at y want at a c]ta9 "t ( life2 he may be ahead ( y 9 ideas1 9 qualities1 9 emotions2 & :at />ts a fri5d%ip is ! p]ception ( some?+ f9e & desirable 9 ano!r1 :i* y admire & want to imitate4 ,b !n y may out/rip y\r fri5d4 ,take ! case ( an arti/4 ,he may h an admiration = ano!r arti/1 & ga9 mu* f him2 b !n he may g "r ahead ( him4 ,he c't g on admir+ & def]r+ out ( m]e loyalty4 ,b mu/ !re n be 9 e real fri5d%ip a purpose ( cont9uance8 said ,v9c5t4 ,x surely is a v selfi% sort ( bus9ess1 if y say to y\rself1 ',i w make fri5ds ) ?is man because ,i admire him n[1 b :51 ,i h got all ,i c out ( him1 ,i w disc>d him4' ,( c\rse1 y mu/ n ?9k 9 t coldblood$ way1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b x c nev] be m ?an a hope ( cont9uance4 ,y may hope to f9d a fri5d%ip a cont9u\s & f>-rea*+ ?+4 ,x may be q "r to get to "k a man1 believ+ him to h f9e qualities2 b y c't pl$ge y\rself to admire :atev] y f9d 9 him4 ,we h to try exp]im5ts 9 fri5d%ip z 9 ev]y?+ else4 ,x is purely s5tim5tal to say1 ',i am go+ to believe 9 ?is man bl9dfold1 :atev] ,i f9d him to be1' ,t's a ra% v[6 ,y mu/ n take ra% v[s2 & if y d1 y mu/ be prep>$ to break !m4 ,besides1 y c't dep5d ^u y\r fri5d n alt]+4 ,he may lose "s ( ! v ?+s y mo/ admire4 ,! mi/ake is to believe t any?+ c be consi/5t or p]man5t4 ,b if y don't believe t1 said ,le/range1 are y ju/ifi$ 9 ent]+ ^u intimate relations at all8 ,( c\rse y are1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 y c't live life on prud5t l9es4 ,y c't say1 ',i won't engage 9 life1 or take a h& 9 x1 or believe 9 x1 or love x1 till ,i "k m ab\t x4' ,y c't =esee all cont+5cies & risks4 ,y mu/ take risks4 ,i expect1 said ,b>?rop1 t we are mean+ diff]5t ?+s by fri5d%ip4 ,let u def9e our t]ms4 ,:at d y mean by fri5d%ip1 ,fa!r8 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i w tell y if ,i c4 ,i mean a consci\sness1 :i* g5]ally comes r sudd5ly1 ( ! *>m ( a p>ticul> p]son4 ,y h a sudd5 curiosity ab\t him4 ,y want to "k :at 8 ideas1 motives1 views ( life are4 ,x is n by any means always t y ?9k he feels ab\t ?+s z y d y\rself4 ,x is (t5 ! diff]5ce 9 him :i* attracts y4 ,b y l 8 mann]1 8 demean\r1 8 h&l+ ( life4 ,:at he says1 8 looks1 8 ge/ures1 8 p]sonality1 affect y 9 a curi\s way4 ,& at ! same "t y seem to disc]n a correspond+ curiosity 9 him ab\t y\rself4 ,x is a pleasurable surprise bo? to discov] t he agrees ) y1 & also t he disagrees ) y4 ,!re is a beauty1 a my/]y1 ab\t x all4 ,g5]ally y ?9k x r surpris+ t he %\ld f9d y int]e/+4 ,y wi% to please him & to satisfy 8 expectations4 ,t is ! dang]\s "p ( fri5d%ip1 t two p 9 ?is condition make ef=ts1 sacrifices1 suppressions 9 ord] to be lik$4 ,ev5 if y disagree1 y bo? give h9ts t y are prep>$ to be conv]t$4 ,!re is a sudd5 increase ( ri*ness 9 life1 ! s5se ( a mov+ curr5t ^: impulse y feel4 ,y meet1 y talk1 y f9d a fre%ness ( feel+1 light ca/ ^u d>k ?+s1 a new range ( ideas vividly pres5t4 ,b isn't all t r intellectual8 said ,v9c5t1 :o _h be5 gr[+ re/ive4 ,! ?+ c surely be mu* simpl] ?an t8 ,yes1 ( c\rse x c1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 among simple p--b we are all complicat$ p "h4 ,yes1 said ,v9c5t1 we are6 ,b isn't x possible = an intellectual man to feel a real fri5d%ip = a q un9tellectual man--n a desire to discuss ev]y?+ ) him1 b a simple admiration = f9e frank qualities8 ,oh yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 !re c be all sorts ( alliances2 b ,i am n speak+ ( !m4 ,i am speak+ ( a sort ( mutual und]/&+4 ,9 fri5d%ip1 z ,i und]/& x1 ! two mu/ n speak diff]5t languages4 ,!y mu/ be able to put _! m9ds fairly toge!r--!re c be a k9d ( man-&-dog fri5d%ip1 ( c\rse1 b t is m a sort ( love & tru/4 ,n[ 9 fri5d%ip p mu/ be mutually intelligible4 ,x ne$ n be equality--x is v (t5 f> remov$ f t2 b !re mu/ n be any condesc5sion4 ,!re mu/ be a desire = equality1 at all ev5ts4 ,ea* mu/ lam5t any?+1 :e!r x is sup]iority or inf]iority1 :i* keeps ! two ap>t4 ,x mu/ be a desire = unity above ev]y?+4 ,!re mu/ n be ! smalle/ %ad[ ( contempt on ei!r side--x mu/ be a frank pr(f] ( ! be/ y h to give1 & a k t ! o!r c give y some?+--sympa?y1 support1 help--:i* y _c d )\t4 ,:at breaks fri5d%ip1 9 my exp]i5ce1 is ! loss ( t s5se ( equality2 & ! mom5t t fri5ds become critical--9 ! s5se1 ,i mean1 t !y want to alt] or improve ea* o!r--,i ?9k a fri5d%ip is 9 dang]4 ,if y h a fri5d1 y mu/ be indulg5t to 8 faults--l him1 n 9 spite ( !m1 b almo/ because ( !m1 ,i ?9k4 ,t's v difficult1 said ,v9c5t4 ,mayn't y want a fri5d to improve8 ,if he has "s pat5t & obvi\s fault1 ,i mean8 ,y mu/n't want to improve him1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+2 t's n y\r bus9ess--unless he wants y to help him to improve2 & ev5 !n y h to be v delicate-h&$4 ,x mu/ hurt y to h to wi% him diff]5t4 ,b isn't t :at y call s5tim5tal8 said ,v9c5t4 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x is s5tim5t to try to pret5d to y\rself & o!rs t ! fault isn't !re4 ,b ,i am speak+ ( a tie :i* y c't risk break+ = any?+ s trivial z a fault4 ,! mom5t t ! fault /&s out1 nak$ & unpleasant1 !n y may "k t ! fri5d%ip is ov]4 ,!re mu/ be a glam\r ev5 ab\t y\r fri5d's faults4 ,y mu/ love !m1 z y love ! d9ts & cracks 9 an old build+4 ,t seems to me weak1 said ,v9c5t4 ,y w f9d t x is true1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,we c't af=d to sit 9 judgm5t on ea* o!r4 ,we mu/ simply try to help ea* o!r along4 ,we mu/ n say1 ',y ought n to be tir$4' ,b surely we may pity p8 said ,le/range4 ,n y\r fri5ds1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,pity is fatal to fri5d%ip4 ,!re is always some?+ complac5t 9 pity--x means consci\s /r5g?4 ,y c't bo? pity & admire4 ,y c't sep>ate p up into qualities--!y all come out ( ! dep? ( a man2 ,i am q sure ( ?is1 t ! mom5t y beg9 to diff]5tiate a fri5d's qualities1 t mom5t :at ,i call fri5d%ip is ov]4 ,x mu/ simply be a case ( y & me--n my weakness & y\r virtue1 & /ill less y\r weakness & my virtue4 ,& y mu/ be cont5t to lose fri5ds & to be disc>d$ by fri5ds4 ,:at is s5tim5tal is to believe t x c be o!rwise4 ,,xix ,,( ,,phyllis ,x 0 9 ! c\rse ( ,july1 ! mon? giv5 to hospitality4 ,fa!r ,payne us$ to h gue/s ( v>i\s k9ds1 q unacc\ntable p1 "s ( !m1 ) :om he seem$ to be on ! easie/ ( t]ms1 b :om he nev] m5tion$ at any o!r "t4 ,x is a "t :5 ,i h old fri5ds to /ay ) me1 he once said1 & ,i decl9e to def9e ! t]m4 ,!re are reasons--y mu/ assume t !re are reasons--:i* may n be app>5t1 = ! tie4 ,!y are n all select$ = intellectual or arti/ic brilliance--!y are ! symbols ( undesign$ fri5d%ips1 :i* exi/$ be=e ,i ex]cis$ ! faculty ( *oice4 ,!y are !re1 uncriticis$1 unexpla9$1 ^! fri5ds ( m9e4 ,! mode/ man1 y w rememb]1 f9ds 8 circle ready-made4 ,i am atta*$ to !m1 & !y to me4 ,!y und]/& no language1 "s ( !m1 z y w see1 except ! language ( ! he>t2 b y w help me1 ,i "k1 to make !m feel at home & happy4 ,!y c]ta9ly 7 odd p1 sev]al ( !m--dumb1 good-natur$1 eld]ly m5 ) no o/5sible purpose 9 ! _w2 eld]ly ladies1 :o call$ ,fa!r ,payne de>2 "s simple & homely m>ri$ c\ples1 :o seem$ to be liv+ 9 ano!r c5tury4 ,b ,fa!r ,payne welcom$ !m1 *att]$ ) !m1 je/$ ) !m1 took !m drives & walks1 & seem$ well-cont5t$ ) _! company1 ?\gh ,i confess t ,i g5]ally felt z ?\gh ,i 7 /ay+ 9 a seaside bo>d+-h\se on su* occasions4 ,we us$ to speculate z to :o !y 71 & h[ ,fa!r ,payne _h made _! acqua9tance3 we ga!r$ t !y 7 mo/ly ! fri5ds & acqua9tances ( 8 y\?1 or p into ^: company he _h drift$ :5 he liv$ 9 ,london4 ,sometimes1 be=e a new arrival1 he w\ld t\* (f 8 or h] "* & circum/ances 9 a few words4 ,on "o occasion he said aft] breakfa/ to ,b>?rop & me3 ,arrivals to-day1 ,mr4 & ,mrs4 ,we!rall--! man a retir$ coal-m]*ant1 r weal?y1 int]e/$ 9 =eign missions2 ! woman in]t2 daught] prev5t$ f com+1 & !y br+ a niece1 ,phyllis by "n1 und]/ood to be *>m+4 ,i und]take ! sole *>ge ( ,we!rall himself1 ,mrs4 ,we!rall requires no specific att5tions--placid woman1 writes innum]able lett]s--,miss ,phyllis an unkn[n quantity4 ,! ,we!ralls duly appe>$1 & prov$ v simple p4 ,fa!r ,payne1 to our surprise1 seem$ to be soak$ 9 mission lit]ature1 & drew out ,mr4 ,we!rall ) pati5t skill4 ,b ,miss ,phyllis 0 a p]fectly delightful girl1 v simple & /raight=w>d1 extremely pretty 9 a boyi% fa%ion1 & q us$ to ! ways ( ! _w4 ,we w\ld will+ly h ent]ta9$ h]1 & did our be/2 b %e made fa/ fri5ds ) ,fa!r ,payne1 ) ! utmo/ promptitude1 & ! two 7 = ev] /roll+ ab\t or sitt+ out toge!r4 ,! talk at meals 0 ( a s$ate "*1 b ,miss ,phyllis us$ to int]cept ,fa!r ,payne's humor\s rem>ks ) a delight$ little smile1 & ,fa!r ,payne w\ld %ake 8 head gravely at h] 9 return4 ,miss ,phyllis said to me "o morn+1 z we 7 sitt+ 9 ! g>d53 ,y seem to h a v good "t "h1 all ( y--x feels l some?+ 9 a book--x is too good to be true6 ,ah1 ,i said1 b ?is is a holiday1 ( c\rse6 ,we "w v h>d 9 t]m-"t1 & we are v s]i\s4 ,miss ,phyllis look$ at me ) h] blue eyes 9 sil5ce = a mom5t1 ) an ironical little curve ( h] lips1 & said3 ,i don't believe a ^w ( x6 ,i believe x is j a little ,p>adise1 & ,i suspect x ( be+ r a selfi% ,p>adise4 ,:y d y %ut ev]yone out8 ,oh1 x is a case ( 'bus9ess fir/'6 ,i said4 ,fa!r ,payne keeps u all 9 v good ord]4 ,yes1 said ,phyllis1 ,i expect he c d t4 ,b d any ( y m5 realise :at an absolutely en*ant+ p]son he is8 ,i h nev] se5 anyone 9 ! lea/ l him6 ,he und]/&s ev]y?+1 & sees ev]y?+1 & c>es = ev]y?+--he is s big & k9d & clev]4 ,:y1 isn't he some?+ trem5d\s8 ,he is1 ,i said4 ,oh yes1 b y "k :at ,i mean1 said ,miss ,phyllis2 he's a great man1 & he ought to h ! re9s 9 8 h&4 ,he ought n to pott] ab\t "h6 ,well1 ,i said1 ,i h wond]$ ab\t t myself4 ,b he kn[s 8 own m9d--he's a v happy man6 ,miss ,phyllis pond]$ sil5tly1 & said3 ,i don't ?9k y realise y\r bless+s4 ,fa!r ,payne is l ! boy 9 ! /ory--! man born to be k+1 y "k4 ,he ought n to be wa/$ l ?is6 ,he ought to be rul] ov] t5 cities4 ,de> me1 ,i don't (t5 wi% ,i 7 a man1 b ,i w\ld give any?+ to be "o ( y4 ,won't y tell me some?+ m ab\t him8 ,i did my be/1 & ,phyllis li/5$ absorb$1 dangl+ a %apely little foot ov] h] knee1 & play+ ) a fl[]4 ,yes1 %e said at la/1 t is :at ,i ?\ght6 ,i see y d appreciate him aft] all4 ,i won't make t mi/ake aga94 ,& %e gave me a f9e smile4 ,i lik$ ! company ( ?is radiant creature1 b at ?is mom5t ,fa!r ,payne appe>$ at ! o!r end ( ! g>d54 ,don't ?9k me rude1 said ,miss ,phyllis1 b ,i am go+ to talk to ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x's my la/ day1 & ,i mu/ get all ,i c out ( him4 ,%e fl$1 & pres5tly !y w5t (f toge!r = a /roll1 a *>m+ picture4 ,%e c>ri$ him (f likewise aft] d9n]1 & !y sate long 9 ! dusk4 ,i c\ld he> ,fa!r ,payne's emphatic tones & ,phyllis's refre%+ laught]4 ,! next morn+ ! ,we!ralls w5t (f4 ,b>?rop & ,i1 ) ,fa!r ,payne1 saw !m g4 ,! ,we!ralls 7 s]5ely enjoy+ ! prospect ( return+ home aft] a successful visit1 b ,miss ,phyllis look$ m\rnful1 & z if %e 7 /ruggl+ ) conceal$ emotions4 ,%e kiss$ h] h& to ,fa!r ,payne z ! c>riage drove away4 ,v wor?y p6 said ,fa!r ,payne *e]fully1 z ! c>riage pass$ out ( sight4 ,i am v glad to h se5 !m1 & no less ?ankful t !y are gone4 ,b ! *>m+ ,phyllis8 said ,b>?rop1 ,is t all y h to say ab\t h]8 ,i nev] saw a m delightful girl6 ,%e is--q delightful1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,phyllis is my only joy6 ,! sight ( h] & ! s\nd ( h] make me feel z if ,i _h be5 read+ an ,elizabe?an song-book--',s+ hey1 nonny nonny6' ,b :y didn't "o ( y fell[s make up to h]8--t's a girl wor? ! w9n+6 ,:y didn't we make up to h]8 ,i said indignantly4 ,i wond] y h ! face to ask1 ,fa!r6 ,:y1 %e 0 simply tak5 up ) y1 & %e hadn't a ^w or a look = anyone else4 ,i nev] saw su* a case ( love at fir/ sight6 ,%e gave me a fl[] ?is morn+1 said ,fa!r ,payne m$itatively1 & ,i believe ,i kiss$ h] h&4 ,x 0 l a sc5e 9 "o ( my novels4 ,x wasn't my fault--! woman tempt$ me1 ( c\rse6 ,b ,i ?9k %e is a *>m+ creature1 & z clev] z %e is pretty4 ,i c\ld h made love to h] ) ! be/ w 9 ! _w6 ,b t w\ldn't d1 & ,i j made fri5ds ) h]4 ,%e wants an old] fri5d1 ,i ?9k4 ,%e has ideas1 ! pretty ,phyllis1 & %e doesn't /rike out sp>ks f ! ,we!ralls mu*4 ,b>?rop w5t (f1 smil+ to himself1 & ,i /roll$ ab\t ) ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y really c\ld h>dly d bett] ?an be ,phyllis's fai?ful %eph]d1 he said to me1 smil+4 ,%e's a f9e creature1 y "k1 full ( fire & vitality1 & eag] = life4 ,%e mu/ m>ry a nice man & h nice *ildr54 ,we want m p l ,phyllis4 ,y consid] x1 old man6 ,i w\ld l to see y happily m>ri$4 ,:y1 ,fa!r1 ,i said boldly1 if y feel l t1 :y don't y put 9 = h] y\rself8 ,phyllis is 9 love ) y6 ,y may n "k x--%e may n "k x--b ,i "k x4 ,%e c\ld talk ( no?+ else4 ,get !e beh9d me1 ,satan6 said ,fa!r ,payne v emphatically4 ,don't say su* ?+s to me6 ,! pretty ,phyllis wants a fa!r confessor--t's all ,i c1 d = h]4 ,i don't ?9k t is s1 ,fa!r1 ,i said4 ,%e w\ld be prep>$ = some?+ mu* clos] ?an t1 if y held out y\r h&4 ,fa!r ,payne smil$ b5ignantly at me4 ,yes1 ,i "k :at y mean1 old man1 he said1 & ,i d>esay x is true6 ,b ,i mu/n't all[ myself to ?9k ( su* ?+s at my age4 ,x w\ldn't d4 ,i'm old en\gh to be h] fa!r--& %e has j _h a pretty fancy1 t's all4 ,x's r a romantic sett+1 ?is place1 y "k2 & %e is hung]+ & ?ir/+ = all sorts ( ideas & beautiful adv5tures2 & %e f9ds a good-hum\r$ old bird l myself1 :o c give h] some?+ ( :at %e wants4 ,%e is fitful & impetu\s1 & %e wants some?+ /rong & fa!rly to lean ^u & to wor%ip1 p]haps4 ,bless y1 ,i see x all cle>ly en\gh6 ,b put ! clock on = a few ye>s3 ! *>m+ ,phyllis is made = bett] ?+s ?an ty+ my muffl] & walk+ beside my ba?-*air4 ,no1 %e mu/ h a run = h] money4 ,& :at's m1 ,i'm n sure t ,i want ! sole *>ge ( t sweet nymph--%e w\ld want a lot ( response & sympa?y & und]/&+4 ,x's altoge!r too big a job = me1 & ,i don't feel ! call4 ,:at d ,i want1 !n1 ) ! pretty *ild8 ,:y1 ,i l to be ) h]1 & to see h]1 & to he> h] talk & laugh4 ,i want to help h] along if ,i c--%e is a high-spirit$ creature1 & w take ?+s h>dly4 ,b ,i _c be romantic1 & take advantage ( a romantic *ild4 ,m9d y1 ,i ?9k t ^! fri5d%ips betwe5 m5 & wom5 are good = bo?1 if !y ar5't complicat$ by love3 ! wor/ ( x is t passion is a t9d]y ?+1 & lights up sudd5ly :5 p lea/ expect x4 ,b ,i'm too old = all t2 & "o ( ! pleasures ( gr[+ old is t "o c see a beautiful creature l ,phyllis--high-spirit$1 vivid1 full ( grace & delight--)\t want+ to claim h] = "o's own or take h] away into a corn]4 ,i'm j glad to be ) h]1 glad to ?9k %e is 9 ! _w1 glad to ?9k %e comes direct f ! ,div9e h&4 ,x moves me trem5d\sly1 t fla%+ & bright5+ *>m ( h]s--b ,i see & feel x1 ,i ?9k1 z some?+ beyond & outside ( h]1 :i* comes z a message to me4 ,%e's a d>l+6 ,b ,i am n go+ to int]f]e ) h] or complicate h] life4 ,%e mu/ f9d a fit mate1 & ,i am go+ to let h] feel t %e c dep5d on me = any s]vice ,i c d = h]4 ,i don't m9d say+1 old man1 add$ ,fa!r ,payne1 9 a diff]5t tone1 t !re isn't a t\* ( temptation ab\t x all4 ,i yield 9 imag9ation to x q frankly--,i ?9k h[ jolly x w\ld be to h a creature l t liv+ 9 ?is old h\se1 tell+ me all %e ?\ght ab\t1 mak+ a home beautiful4 ,i c\ld make a v fair lov] if ,i tri$6 ,b ,i h got myself well 9 h&1 & ,i "k bett]4 ,x isn't :at %e wants1 & x isn't really :at ,i want4 ,i h got my "w cut out = me2 b ,i'll give h] all ,i c1 & be ?ankful if %e gives me a bit ( h] he>t2 & ,i %all love to ?9k ( h] go+ ab\t ! _w1 & rem9d+ ev]yone %e meets ( ! be/ & pure/ sort ( beauty4 ,i love ,phyllis ) all my old he>t--is t en\gh = y8--& a great deal too well to confiscate h]1 z ,i %\ld c]ta9ly h tri$ to d tw5ty ye>s ago4 ,fa!r ,payne /opp$1 & look$ at me ) "o ( 8 great cle> smiles4 ,well1 ,i mu/ say1 ,i began-- ,no1 y mu/n't1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i "k all ! excell5t argum5ts y w\ld advance4 ,:y %\ldn't two p be happy & n look ahead1 & all t8 ,i d look ahead1 & ,i'm go+ to make h] happy if ,i c4 ,%all ,i use my influ5ce 9 y\r fav\r1 my boy8 ,h[ does t /rike y8 ,i laugh$ & r$d5$4 ,fa!r ,payne put 8 arm 9 m9e1 & said3 ,n[1 ,i h turn$ my he>t out = y\r inspection1 & y c't conv]t me4 ,let ! pretty *ild g h] way6 ,i only wi% %e 0 likely to get m fun out ( ! ,we!ralls4 ,su* excell5t p too3 b a lack ( inspiration--n propell$ f q ! c5tral f\nt ( beauty1 ,i fancy6 ,b x w d ,phyllis good to make ! be/ ( !m1 & ,i fancy %e is try+ pretty h>d4 ,de> me1 ,i wi% %e 7 my niece6 ,b ,i c\ldn't h h] "h--we %\ld all be at dagg]s drawn 9 a =tnight3 t's ! puzzl+ ?+ ab\t ^! beautiful p1 t !y light up su* conflagrations1 & make su* havoc ( div9e philosophy1 old boy6 ,,xx ,,( ,,c]ta9ty ,we 7 return+ f a walk1 ,fa!r ,payne & ,i2 z we pass$ ! *ur*y>d1 he said3 ,d y rememb] t /ory ( ,lam5nais at ,la ,*naie8 ,he 0 sitt+ beh9d ! *apel "u two ,scot* firs :i* grew !re1 ) "s ( 8 "y disciples4 ,he took 8 /ick1 & m>k$ out a grave on ! turf1 & said3 ',x is !re ,i w\ld wi% to be buri$1 b no tomb/one6 ,only a simple m\nd ( grass4 ,oh1 h[ well ,i %all be !re6' ,t is :at ,i call s5tim5t4 ,if ,lam5nais really ?\ght he w\ld be conf9$ 9 _s to su* a place1 he w\ld n tol]ate x--lea/ ( all a combative fell[ l ,lam5nais--x w\ld be a p]petual solit>y conf9em5t4 ,su* a cry is m]ely a !atrical way ( say+ t he felt tir$4 ,yet x is su* say+s :i* impress p1 because m5 love rhetoric4 ,pres5tly he w5t on3 ,x is /range t :at "o fe>s 9 dea? is ! vagu5ess & ! solitude ( x--we are afraid ( f9d+ ourselves lo/ 9 ! night4 ,x w\ld be agitat+1 b n frightful1 if we 7 sure ( f9d+ company2 & if we 7 sure ( meet+ ^? :om we _h lov$ & lo/1 dea? w\ld n fright5 u at all4 ,dy+ is simple en\gh1 & inde$ easy1 = mo/ ( u4 ,b ,i expect t some?+ v precise & def9ite happ5s to u1 ! mom5t we die4 ,x is probable1 ,i ?9k1 t we %all set ab\t build+ up a new body to inhabit at once1 z a snail builds its %ell4 ,we are v def9ite creatures1 all ( u1 ) cle>ly apportion$ ta/es & en]gies1 pref]5ces & dislikes4 ,! only puzzl+ ?+ is t we d n all ( u seem to h ! bodies :i* suit u "h on e>?3 fi]y spirits %\ld h l>ge phlegmatic bodies1 & !y too (t5 h weak & inadequate bodies4 ,beautiful spirits _c always make _! bodies beautiful1 & evil p h (t5 v lovely %apes & faces4 ,i confess ,i f9d all t v my/]i\s2 h]$ity is q beyond me4 ,if x 7 m]ely conf9$ to ! body & ev5 ! m9d1 ,i %\ld n wond] at x1 b x seems to affect ! s\l z well4 ,:o c feel free 9 w1 if t is ! case8 ,& n[1 too1 !y say ) "s c]ta9ty t x seems z ?\gh all _! own qualities ne$ n be transmitt$ by p>5ts b t no quality c be transmitt$ :i* is n pres5t 9 ! p>5ts--t we c lose qualities1 t is1 b n ga9 !m4 ,if t is true1 !n all our qualities 7 pres5t 9 primitive =ms ( life1 & we are n really develop+1 we are only specialis+4 ,all ?is hurts "o to ?9k (1 because x ties u h& & foot4 ,pres5tly he w5t on3 ,h[ ludicr\s1 aft] all1 to make up our m9d ab\t ?+s z mo/ ( u d6 ,i believe t ! desire = c]ta9ty is "o ( ! wor/ temptations ( ! devil4 ,x means clos+ our eyes & m9ds & he>ts to exp]i5ce2 & yet x seems ! only way to accompli% any?+4 ,i tru/1 he said1 turn+ to me ) a look ( conc]n1 t y d n feel t y are be+ =m$ or m\ld$ "h1 by me or by any ( ! o!rs8 ,no1 ,i said1 c]ta9ly n6 ,i feel1 inde$1 s9ce ,i came "h1 t ,i h got a wid] horizon ( ideas1 & ,i hope ,i am a little m tol]ant4 ,i h c]ta9ly le>nt f y n to despise ideas or exp]i5ces at fir/ sight1 b to look into !m4 ,he seem$ pleas$ at ?is1 & said3 ,yes1 to look into !m--we mu/ d t6 ,:5 we see anyone act+ 9 a way t we admire1 or ev5 9 a way :i* we dislike1 we mu/ try to see :y he acts s1 :at makes him :at he is4 ,we mu/ n despise any indications4 ,on ! :ole1 ,i ?9k t p behave well :5 !y are happy1 & ill :5 !y are afraid4 ,all viol5ce & spite come :5 we are afraid ( be+ left out2 & we are happy :5 we are us+ all our p[]s4 ,don't be too prud5t6 ,don't ev] be afraid ( uproot+ y\rself1 he add$ ) great emphasis4 ,try exp]im5ts--9 life1 9 "w1 9 companion%ip4 ,h an op5 m9d6 ,t is :y we %\ld be s c>eful :at we pray =1 because 9 my exp]i5ce pray]s are g5]ally grant$1 & (t5 ) a f9e irony4 ,! gr& irony ( ,god6 ,x is "o ( ! ?+s t mo/ reassures me ab\t ,him1 to f9d t ,he c be ironical & indulg5t2 because our be/ *ance ( discov]+ ! nature ( ?+s is t we %\ld be giv5 :at we wi%1 j 9 ord] to f9d out t x 0 n :at we wi%$ at all6 ,b1 ,i said1 if y are = ev] exp]im5t+1 always mov+ on1 always *ang+ y\r m9d1 don't y run ! risk ( nev] mix+ ) life at all8 ,oh1 life w take c>e ( t6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+1 ,! "t w come :5 y w "k :]e to po/ y\r batt]y1 & :at to fire at4 ,b don't try to make up y\r m9d too e>ly--don't try to =tify y\rself aga9/ d\bts & anxieties4 ,t is ! dang] ( all s5sitive p4 ,y c't atta9 to prov$ c]ta9ties 9 ?is life--at lea/1 y c't at pres5t4 ,i don't say t !re are n c]ta9ties--inde$1 ,i ?9k t x is all c]ta9ty1 & t we mu/n't confuse ! unkn[n ) ! unkn[able4 ,z y g on1 if y are fair-m9d$ & sympa!tic1 y w get intuitions2 y w discov] gradually exactly :at y are wor?1 & :at y c d1 & h[ y c d x be/4 ,b don't expect to "k t too soon4 ,& don't yield to ! awful temptation ( say+1 ',s _m good1 f9e1 reasonable p seem c]ta9 ( ?is & t2 ,i _h bett] assume x to be true4' ,x isn't bett]1 x is only m com=table4 ,a great _m m p suff] f mak+ up _! m9d too e>ly & too decisively ?an suff] f op5-m9d$ness & ! p[] to relate new exp]i5ce to old exp]i5ce4 ,no "o c write y out a prescription = life4 ,y c't anticipate exp]i5ce2 & if y d1 y w only f9d t y h to beg9 all ov] aga94 ,,xxi ,,( ,,beauty ,fa!r ,payne _h be5 away on "o ( 8 r>e j\rneys4 ,he always ma9ta9$ t a j\rney 0 "o ( ! mo/ enliv5+ ?+s 9 ! _w1 if x 0 n too (t5 indulg$ 94 ,x intoxicates me1 he said1 to see new places1 h\ses1 p4 ,:y don't y travel m1 !n8 said someone4 ,= t v reason1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 because x intoxicates me--& ,i am too old = t sort ( self-indulg5ce6 ,x's a dreadful bus9ess1 he w5t on1 t nor!rn indu/rial c\ntry4 ,!re's a gr&eur ab\t x--! b>e valleys1 ! /eep bleak fields1 ! dead or dy+ trees1 ! huge factories4 ,^? great furnaces1 ) tall iron cyl9d]s & gall]ies1 & spid]y contrivances1 & black pipes1 & eng9es sw++ va/ burd5s ab\t1 & mov+ :eels1 are fe>fully int]e/+ & magnific5t4 ,!y /& = all sorts ( p[]s & =ces2 !y fright5 me by _! /r5g? & fi]c5ess & submissiv5ess4 ,b ! l& is awfully b>r5 ( beauty1 & ,i d\bt if t c be :olesome4 ,x all fasc9ates me1 x increases my pride1 b x makes me unhappy too1 because x excludes beauty s completely4 ,^? bleak /one-wall$ fields ( dirty grass1 ! l9es ( grey h\ses1 are f9e 9 _! way--b "o wants col\r & cle>ness4 ,i long$ = a glimpse ( elms & wat]-mead[s1 & s(t-wood$ pa/oral hills4 ,x produces a %rewd1 /rong1 good-temp]$ race1 b v little g5ius4 ,!re is some?+ h>% ab\t ,nor!rn]s--!y hav5't en\gh col\r4 ,b y are always say+1 said ,rose1 t we mu/ look aft] =m1 & *ance col\r4 ,yes1 b t is because y are 9 /atu pupill>i1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,if a man beg9s by se>*+ = col\r & ornam5t & ri*ness1 he gets clott$ & glut9\s4 ,col\r looks aft] itself--b x isn't cle>ness t ,i am afraid (1 x is %rewdness--,i ?9k t is1 on ! :ole1 a l[ quality1 b x is awfully /rong6 ,:at ,i am afraid (1 9 b>e labori\s c\ntry l t1 is t p %\ld only ?9k ( :at is com=table & s5sible4 ,imag9ation is :at really matt]s4 ,x is n en\gh to h solid emotions2 "o ought n to be too reasonable ab\t emotions4 ,! ?+ is to c>e 9 an unreasonable & raptur\s way ab\t beautiful ?+s1 & n to "k :y "o c>es4 ,t is ! po9t ( ?+s :i* are simply beautiful & no?+ else1--t y feel x isn't all capable ( explanation4 ,b isn't t r s5tim5tal8 said ,rose4 ,no1 no1 x's j ! opposite1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,s5tim5t is :5 "o und]/&s & exagg]ates an emotion2 beauty isn't t--x is some?+ my/]i\s & inexplicable2 x makes y b[ ! head & wor%ip4 ,take ! sort ( ?+ y may see on ! coa/ ( ,italy--a blue sea1 ) gray & orange cliffs fall+ /eeply d[n into deep wat]2 a gap1 ) a clu/]+ village1 com+ d[n1 ti] by ti]1 to ! sea's edge2 fanta/ic ca/les on spires ( rock1 ?ickets & d+les runn+ d[n among ! clefts & out on ! l$ges1 & p]haps a glimpse ( pale1 fanta/ic hills beh9d4 ,no "o c\ld make x or design x2 b e l9e1 e bl5d+ col\r1 all comb9e to give y ! s5se ( some?+ m>vell\sly & joyfully contriv$1 & made = ! ri*ness & sweetness ( x4 ,t is ! sort ( mom5t :5 ,i feel ! ov]:elm+ beauty & ne>ness ( ,god--ev]y?+ done on a va/ scale1 :i* floods m9d & he>t ) utt] happ9ess & wond]4 ,any?+ s ov]p[]+ly joyful & delici\s & useless z all t mu/ come out ( a fulness ( joy4 ,! %>p cliffs mean "s old cutt+ & sla%+1 ! bli/]+ & burn+ ( ! e>?2 & yet ^? old r5ts h be5 clo!d & mollifi$ by "s p[] t f9ds x wor? :ile to d x--& x isn't done = y or me1 ei!r--!re mu/ be treasures ( lovel9ess go+ on hidd5 = c5turies 9 tropic =e/s4 ,x's done = ! sake ( do+ x2 & we are grant$ a glimpse ( x1 j to %[ u p]haps t we are "r to adore x1 & to try 9 our clumsy way to make beautiful ?+s too4 ,t is :y ,i envy ! musician1 because he creates beauty m directly !n any o!r m9d--& ! be/ k9d ( poetry is ( ! same ord]4 ,b isn't !re a dang] 9 all ?is8 said ,le/range4 ,no1 ,i don't want to say any?+ priggi%1 he add$1 see+ a contraction ( ,fa!r ,payne's br[s2 ,i only want to say :at ,i feel4 ,i recognise ! fasc9ation ( x z mu* z anyone c--b isn't x1 z y said ab\t travell+1 a k9d ( intoxication8 ,i mean1 may x n be "r to int]pose x1 b yet n "r to foll[ x8 ,isn't x a selfi% ?+1 & doesn't x d ! v ?+ :i* y (t5 speak aga9/--bl9d u to o!r exp]i5ce1 t is8 ,yes1 !re is some?+ 9 t1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,( c\rse t is always ! difficulty ab\t ! arti/1 t he appe>s to live selfi%ly 9 joy--b x applies to mo/ ?+s4 ,! be/ y c d = ! _w is (t5 to turn y\r back ^u x4 ,philan?ropy is a beautiful ?+ 9 its way1 b x mu/ be done by p :o l x--x is useless if x is done 9 a grim & self-p5alis+ way4 ,if a man is really big en\gh to foll[ art1 he _h bett] foll[ x4 ,i d n believe v mu* 9 ! doctr9e t s]vice to be useful mu/ be pa9ful4 ,no "o d\bts t ,wordswor? gave m joy to humanity by liv+ 8 own life ?an if he _h be5 a c\ntry doctor4 ,( c\rse ! sad "p ( x is :5 a man foll[s art & does n succe$ 9 giv+ pleasure4 ,b y mu/ risk t--& a real devotion to a ?+ gives ! be/ *ance ( happ9ess to a man1 & is p]haps1 too1 8 be/ *ance ( giv+ some?+ to o!rs4 ,!re is no reason to ?9k t ,%akespe>e 0 a philan?ropi/4 ,b does t apply to ?+s l horse-rac+ or golf8 said ,rose4 ,no1 y mu/ n pursue com=t1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b ,i don't believe 9 ! !ory t we h all got to set out to help o!r p4 ,t implies t a man is aw>e ( valuable ?+s :i* he has to give away4 ,make fri5ds if y c1 love p if y c1 b don't d x ) a s5se ( duty4 ,d :at is natural & beautiful & attractive to d4 ,make ! little circle :i* surr\nds y happy by sympa?y & int]e/4 ,don't deal 9 advice4 ,! only advice p take is t ) :i* !y agree4 ,& h y\r own "w4 ,i ?9k we are--_m ( u--afraid ( enjoy+ "w2 b 9 any case1 if we c %[ o!r p h[ to p]ceive & enjoy beauty1 we h done a v great ?+4 ,! s5se ( beauty is gr[+ 9 ! _w4 ,_m p are desir+ x1 & religion doesn't cat] = x1 nor does duty cat] = x4 ,b x is ! only way to make progress--& religion has got to f9d out h[ to include beauty 9 its programme1 or x w be left /r&$4 ,no?+ b beauty ev] lift$ p high]--! uns5su\s1 inexplicable *>m1 :i* makes !m a%am$ ( dull1 ugly1 gre$y1 qu>relsome ways4 ,x is only by virtue ( beauty t ! _w climbs high]--& if ! _w does climb high] by some?+ :i* isn't obvi\sly beautiful1 x is only t we d n recognise x z beautiful4 ,s9 & evil are signals f ! unkn[n1 ( c\rse2 b !y are dang] signals1 & we foll[ !m ) t]ror--b beauty is a signal too1 & x is ! signal made by peace & happ9ess & joy4 ,,xxii ,,( ,,w> ,! talk "o ev5+ turn$ on ,w>2 ,le/range said t he believ$ x 0 good = a nation to h a w>3 ,x unites !m ) ! s5se ( a common purpose1 x evokes self-sacrifice1 x makes !m turn to ,god4 ,yes1 yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 r impati5tly4 ,b y c't p]sonify a nation l t2 t p]sonification ( societies & classes & sections ( ! human race does no end ( h>m4 ,x is all a matt] ( /ati/ics1 n ( g5]alisation4 ,take y\r ?ree /atem5ts4 ',x is good = a nation to h a w>4' ,y mean1 ,i suppose1 t1 9 spite ( ! loss ( ! be/ /ock & ! disabl+ ( /rong "y m51 & ! dis9tegration ( families1 & ! hide\s wa/e ( "t & money--subtract+ all t--!re is a balance ( good to ! survivors8 ,yes1 ,i ?9k s1 said ,le/range4 ,b are y sure ab\t ?is8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,h[ d y "k8 ,w\ld y feel ! same if y y\rself 7 turn$ out a helpless invalid = life ) y\r occupation gone8 ,are y sure t y are n only express+ ! feel+ ( relief 9 ! community at hav+ a dang] ov]8 ,is x m ?an ! s5se ( gratitude ( a man :o has n suff]$ unbe>ably1 to ! p :o h di$ & suff]$8 ,! only evid5ce wor? hav+ is t ( ! real suff]]s4 ,take ! case ( ! p :o h di$4 ,y c't get evid5ce f !m4 ,x is an assumption t !y are cont5t to h di$4 ,is n ! glory :i* surr\nds !m--& h[ %ort a "t t la/s6--a human attempt to make consci5ces com=table1 & to relieve human d\bts8 ,! wor/ ( t !ory is t x makes s light ( ! wor? ( life2 &1 aft] all1 a soldi]'s bus9ess is to kill & n to be kill$2 :ile1 g5]ally speak+1 ! wor/ turn t a /rong1 heal?y1 & hone/ man c d to 8 c\ntry is to die prematurely4 ,( c\rse w> has a great & in/9ctive pre/ige ab\t x2 are we n misl$ by t into accept+ x z an inevitable bus9ess8 ,no1 ,i believe !re is a real ga91 said ,le/range1 9 ! national s5se ( unity1 9 ! feel+ ( hav+ be5 equal to an em]g5cy4 ,b are y speak+ ( a nation :i* conqu]s or a nation :i* is defeat$8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,bo?1 said ,le/range2 x unites a nation 9 any case4 ,b if a nation is defeat$1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 are !y ! bett] = ! common depression ( n hav+ be5 equal to ! em]g5cy8 ,x may make !m set _! tee?1 said ,le/range1 & prep>e !mselves bett]4 ,!n x does n matt]1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 :e!r !y are unit$ by ! complac5cy ( conque/ or by ! desire = rev5ge8 ,i w\ld n q say t1 said ,le/range4 ,b at all ev5ts a desire = rev5ge might tea* !m discipl9e4 ,i c't believe t1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 x seems to me to make all ! diff]5ce :at ! purpose has be54 ,i d n believe t a nation ga9s by be+ unit$ = a pr$atory & aggressive purpose4 ,i ?9k ! victory ( ! ,g]mans 9 ! ,franco-,prussian w> has be5 :olly bad = !m4 ,x has made !m believe 9 aggressiv5ess4 ,a nation naturally philosophical & moral1 & also bo? en]getic & /upid1 acquires ! s5se ( a div9e mission l t4 ,i don't believe t a belief 9 y\r own me?ods ( virtue is a :olesome belief4 ,t seems to me likely to p]petuate w>--& ,i suppose t we %\ld all believe t w> 0 an evil1 if we c\ld produce ! good results ( x )\t w>4 ,we all agre$ to ?is4 ,i w grant1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t if a nation :i* s9c]ely believes 9 peace & wi%es to cultivate goodwill1 is wantonly & aggressively attack$1 & repels t attack1 x may ga9 mu* f w> if x /icks to its !ory1 does n attempt reprisals1 & leaves ! conqu]$ bully 9 a position to see its mi/ake & rega9 its self-respect4 ,b x is a v dang]\s k9d ( success = all t4 ,i d n believe t complac5cy ev] does any?+ b h>m4 ,! purpose mu/ be a good "o 9 ! fir/ place1 ! cause mu/ be a great "o1 & x mu/ be hone/ly pursu$ to ! end1 if x is to help a nation4 ,b x lets all sorts ( old & evil passions loose1 & x makes slaught] glori\s4 ,no1 ,i believe t at be/ x is a relapse into b>b>ism4 ,h>dly any nation is /rong en\gh & great en\gh to pr(it ei!r by conque/ or by defeat4 ,b :at ab\t ! spl5did self-sacrifice x all evokes8 said ,le/range4 ,p give up _! com=t1 _! c>e]s1 !y g to face ! la/ risk--is t no?+8 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 x is a v magnific5t & spl5did ?+1--,i don't d5y t4 ,b ev5 s1 t c't be pres]v$ artificially4 ,i mean t no "o w\ld ?9k t1 if !re 7 no *ance ( a real w>1 x w\ld be a good ?+ to evoke su* self-sacrifice by hav+ manoeuvres 9 :i* ! be/ y\? ( ! c\ntry 7 pitt$ aga9/ ea* o!r1 to kill ea* o!r if possible4 ,!re mu/ be a real cause beh9d x4 ,no "o w\ld say x 0 a noble ?+ = ! y\? ( a c\ntry to fl+ !mselves d[n ov] a cliff or to infect !mselves ) leprosy to %[ t !y c\ld despise suff]+ & dea?4 ,if x 7 possible to settle ! diff]5ces betwe5 nations )\t w>1 w> w\ld be a :olly evil ?+4 ,! only ?+ t "o c say is t :ile !re exi/s a /rong nation :i* believes en\gh 9 w> to make w> aggressively1 o!r nations are b\nd to resi/ x4 ,b ! nation :i* believes 9 w> is ipso facto an uncivilis$ nation4 ,b does n a w>1 said ,le/range1 cle> ! air1 & take p away f petty aims & trivial squabbles into a /]n] & l>g] atmosph]e8 ,yes1 ,i ?9k x does1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b a great pe/il5ce might d t4 ,we might be ?ankful = all ! good we c\ld get out ( a pe/il5ce1 & be grateful = x2 b we %\ld nev] dream ( artificially r5ew+ x = t reason4 ,i look ^u w> z a sort ( pe/il5ce1 a contagion :i* spreads "u c]ta9 conditions4 ,b we disguise ! evil ( x f ourselves1 if we all[ ourselves to believe 9 its be+ intr9sically glori\s4 ,i c't believe t highway robb]y has only to be organis$ on a suffici5tly l>ge scale to make x glori\s4 ,a man :o resi/s highway robb]y1 & runs ! risk ( dea?1 because he wants to put a /op to x1 seems to me a noble p]son--q diff]5t f ! man :o sees a r[ go+ on & jo9s 9 x because he does n want to be out ( a good ?+6 ,d y rememb] ! /ory ( ! ,iri%man :o saw a fight proce$+1 & ru%$ into ! fray wield+ 8 %illelagh1 & pray+ t x might fall on ! "r heads8 ,we h all ( u uncivilis$ in/9cts1 b x does n make !m civilis$ to jo9 ) a million o!r p 9 indulg+ !m4 ,i ?9k t a man :o refuses to jo9 f conviction1 at ! risk ( be+ hoot$ z a c[>d1 is probably do+ a brav] ?+ /ill4 ,b ,i h (t51 he>d y say t life mu/ be a battle1 said ,le/range4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ,i "k :at ,i want to fight4 ,i want ! human race to jo9 9 fight+ crime & disease1 evil conditions ( nurture1 di%one/y & s5suality4 ,i don't want to pit ! f9e/ /ock ( ea* c\ntry aga9/ ea* o!r4 ,t is simple suicide1 = two nations to kill (f ! m5 :o c\ld fight evil be/4 ,i want ! nations to comb9e collectively = a good purpose1 n to comb9e sep>ately = a bad "o4 ,i see t1 said ,le/range2 b ,i reg>d w> z an inevitable elem5t 9 society z at pres5t con/itut$4 ,i don't ?9k ! _w c be p]suad$ out ( x4 ,if x ev] ceases1 x w die a natural dea? because x w sudd5ly be reg>d$ z absurd4 ,meantime1 ,i ?9k x is our duty to reg>d ! b5efits ( x2 &1 z ,i said1 x turns a nation to ,god--x takes !m out ( petty squabbles1 & makes !m recognise a p[] beyond & beh9d ! _w4 ,yes1 t is s1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 if y reg>d w> z caus$ by ,god4 ,b ,i r believe t x is "o ( ! ?+s t ,god is fight+ aga9/6 ,& ,i don't agree t x produces a noble temp] all ?r\gh4 ,x does 9 _m ( ! combatants2 b !re is no?+ s *>act]i/ic at ! outbreak ( w> z ! am\nt ( bully+ t is done4 ,peaceful p are hoot$ at & %\t$ d[n2 ?\s&s ( g5]al convictions are ov]-ridd52 ! viol5t h x _! own way2 x seems to me to organise ! unruly & ob/rep]\s1 & to =ce all g5tl] & m civilis$ natures into an unconv9c$ sil5ce4 ,_m ( ! p :o d mo/ = ! happ9ess ( ! _w c't face unpopul>ity4 ,!y are apt to ?9k t !re mu/ be some?+ wrong ) !mselves1 some?+ spiritless & abnormal1 if !y f9d !mselves loa?+ ! cruelties ( :i* o!rs seem to approve4 ,i d n believe t w> organises :olesome & sane op9ion2 ,i believe t x sil5ces x4 ,x is a "t :5 base1 he>tless1 cruel p c become h]oes4 ,x is true t x also gives s]5e1 c\rage\s1 & calm p a great opportunity4 ,b on ! :ole x is a bad "t = sob]1 ord]ly1 & peaceable p4 ,i believe t x evokes a good _m f9e qualities--simplicity1 uncompla9+ pati5ce1 unselfi%ness1 b x reveals !m r ?an creates !m4 ,x %[s ! wor? ( a nation1 b x %\ld want a great deal ( evid5ce be=e ,i believe t x does m ?an prove to p t !y are brav] ?an !y "k4 ,i c't believe vaguely 9 dea? & sorr[ & disablem5t & wa/e be+ good ?+s4 ,x is m]ely a "q ( :at y are pay+ s gha/ly a price =4 ,9 ! ,napoleonic w>s ! price 0 paid = ! lib]ties ( ,europe1 to %[ a great nation t x mu/ ab&on ! ideal ( dom9ation4 ,t is a great cause2 b x is great because m5 are evil1 & n because !y are good4 ,w> seems to me ! tempor>y triumph ( ! old bad pa/ ov] ! f9] & m beautiful future4 ,d n let u be tak5 9 by ! romance ( x4 ,t is ! *ildi% view1 t loves ! sight & s\nd ( ! m>*+ column & ! /irr+ music4 ,p f9d x h>d to believe t any?+ s /rong & gallant & *e]ful c h a s9i/] side4 ,& no d\bt = a "y1 /rong1 & bold man ! excitem5t ( x is an int5se pleasure4 ,b :at we h to ask is :e!r we are "r 9 tak+ s heavy a toll f ! _w = all t3 ,i d n ?9k x "r1 ?\gh x may be inevitable4 ,b !n ,i belong to ! future1 & ,i ?9k ,i %\ld be m at home 9 ! _w a ?\s& ye>s h5ce ?an ,i am to-day4 ,b ,i g back to my po9t1 said ,le/range3 does n a great w> l t s5d p to _! knees 9 fai?8 ,dep5d ^u x1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t any?+ :i* makes p acquiesce 9 prev5table evil1 & see ! beautiful effects ( dea? & pa9 & wa/e1 is ! direct influ5ce ( ! devil4 ,x is ! la/ & mo/ guileful subtlety t he practises1 to make u solemnly m\rnful & pati5t 9 ! pres5ce ( calamities = :i* we h ourselves to ?ank4 ,! only pray] wor? pray+ 9 ! "t ( w> is n1 ',help u to be> ?is1' b ',help u to cure ?is'2 & to behave ) meek rev]5ce is to behave l ! old s]vant 9 ,! ,ma/] ( ,ballantrae1 :o bore himself l an afflict$ sa9t "u an illness1 ! root ( :i* 0 drunk5ness4 ,! wor/ religion is t :i* keeps its s5se ( rep5tance alive by its own misde$s6 ,he 0 sil5t = a mom5t1 & !n he said3 ,no1 we mu/n't make t]ms ) w>1 any m ?an we mu/ d ) *ol]a4 ,x's a great1 he>tbreak+ evil1 & x puts ev]y?+ back a /age4 ,( c\rse x br+s out f9e qualities--,i "k t--& s does a plague ( *ol]a4 ,x's ! evil 9 bo? t br+s out ! f9e ?+s to oppose x4 ,b we ought to h m fai?1 & believe t ! f9e qualities are !re--w> doesn't create !m1 x only %[s y t !y are pres5t--& we believe 9 w> because x reassures u ab\t ! pres5ce ( ! great qualities4 ,x %[s !m1 & !n bl[s !m out1 l ! flame ( a c&le4 ,b we want to keep !m2 we don't want j to be %[n !m1 ) a risk ( ext+ui%+ !m4 ,example c d some?+1 b n half z mu* z inh]itance2 & we sweep away ! inh]itance = ! sake ( ! romantic delight ( see+ ! great virtues fl>e up4 ,no1 he said1 w> is "o ( ! evil ?+s t is try+ to hurt mank9d1 & disguis+ itself 9 %9+ arm\r2 b x means m5 ill2 x is = ev] try+ to br+ _! dreams to an end4 ,,xxiii ,,( ,,cads ,,& ,,ph>isees ,!re are only two sorts ( p ) :om x is impossible to live1 said ,fa!r ,payne "o day1 9 a l\d1 m\rnful tone4 ,eld]ly wom5 & "y wom51 ,i suppose he means1 said ,rose s(tly4 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i prote/6 ,i adore s5sible wom51 simple wom51 clev] wom51 all non-pr$atory wom5--x is !y :o w n live ) me4 ,i =get !y are n m51 & !y d n l t4 ,& !n !y are s mu* m unselfi% ?an m51 t !y h g5]ally axes to gr9d1 & ,i don't l t4 ,:om d y mean1 !n8 said ,i4 ,cads & ,ph>isees1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & !y are n two sorts really1 b "o4 ,!y are ! p )\t imag9ation4 ,x is t :i* de/roys social life1 ! lack ( imag9ation4 ,! ,ph>isee is ! cad ) a t9cture ( ,puritanism4 ,:at is ! cad1 !n8 said ,i4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 he is v easy to detect1 & n v easy to def9e4 ,he is ! man :o has got a p]fectly def9ite idea ( :at he wants1 & he suff]s f isolation4 ,he c't put himself into anyone's place1 or get inside o!r p's m9ds4 ,he is /upid1 & he is unp]ceptive4 ,he does n detect ! little looks1 ge/ures1 tones ( voice1 :i* %[ :5 p are uncom=table or disgu/$4 ,he is n uncom=table or easily disgu/$ himself1 & he does n mu* m9d o!r p be+ s4 ,he says :at he ?9ks1 & y h got to lump x4 ,sometimes he is good-natur$ en\gh1 & ev5 brave4 ,!re is an admirable sket* ( a good-natur$ cad 9 "o ( ,mrs4 ,wal=d's novels1 :o is ! acme ( k9d indelicacy4 ,! cad is dreadful to live )1 because he is always mak+ "o a%am$1 & a%am$ ( be+ a%am$1 because _m ( ! ?+s he does d n really matt] v mu*4 ,!n1 :5 he is out ( sight & he>+1 y _c tru/ him4 ,he makes mis*ief2 he ?r[s mud4 ,if he is vex$ ) y1 he injures y ) o!r p4 ,we are all criticis$ beh9d our backs1 ( c\rse1 & we h all faults :i* amuse & int]e/ our fri5ds2 & x is n caddi% to criticise fri5ds if "o is only int]e/$ 9 !m4 ,b ! cad is n int]e/$1 except 9 cle>+ o!r p out ( 8 way4 ,he is trea*]\s & spiteful4 ,he drops 9 ^u y un9vit$1 & !n he tells p he c\ld n get en\gh to eat4 ,he repeats ?+s y h said ab\t y\r fri5ds to ! p ( :om y h spok51 leav+ out all ! ju/ifications1 & says t he ?9ks !y ought to "k h[ y abuse !m4 ,he borr[s money ( y1 & if y ask him = repaym5t1 he says he is n accu/om$ to be dunn$4 ,he nev] c br+ himself to apologise = any?+1 & if y lose y\r temp] ) him1 he says y are gett+ te/y 9 y\r old age4 ,8 "o idea is to be =midable1 & he says t he does n let p take lib]ties ) him4 ,he takes a mean & solit>y view ( ! _w1 & o!r p are m]ely *annels = 8 own wi%es1 or ob/acles to !m4 ,! only way is to keep him at arm's l5g?1 because he is n dis>m$ by any g5]osity or tru/fulness2 ! discov]y ( caddi%ness 9 a man is ! only excuse = break+ (f a companion%ip4 ,! wor/ ( x is t cads are sometimes v clev]1 & don't let ! caddi%ness appe> till y are hook$4 ,! mis*ief really is t ! cad has no morals1 no s5se ( social duty4 ,:at ab\t ,ph>isees8 said ,i4 ,well1 ! ,ph>isee has too _m morals1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,he is ! p]son ^: own ta/es are a sort ( /&>d4 ,if y disagree ) him1 he ?9ks y mu/ be wick$4 ,if y\r ta/es diff] f 81 !y are ( ! nature ( s94 ,y live "u 8 displeasure4 ,if he dresses = d9n]1 x is sloppy & middle-class n to d s4 ,if he doesn't dress = d9n]1 ! p :o d are ei!r wa/+ "t or ap+ ! mann]s ( ! great4 ,he is always v /rong ab\t wa/+ "t4 ,if he likes g>d5+1 he says x is ! be/ sort ( ex]cise2 if he does n1 he says t x is bili\s "w muddl+ ab\t 9 a corn]4 ,ev]y?+ t he does is done on pr9ciple1 b he uses 8 pr9ciples to bludgeon o!r p4 ,if y make him ! subject ( a h>mless je/1 he says t he _c be> p]sonalities4 ,y c please him only by def]r+ to him1 & ! only way to manage him is by gross flatt]y4 ,a ,ph>isee c be a g5tleman1 & he isn't purely noxi\s l ! cad2 he is only unpleasant & disc\rag+4 ,he is q imp]vi\s to argum5t1 & only says t he ?\ght ! pr9ciple he is cont5d+ = 0 g5]ally accept$4 ,! ,ph>isee wants 9 a heavy way to improve ! _w1 & ?9ks meanly ( x1 :ile ! cad ?9ks meanly ( x1 & wants to exploit x4 ,! ,ph>isee is a tyrant1 & hates fre$om2 b y c (t5 make a fri5d ( him by ask+ him a fav\r1 if y are also prep>$ to be subsequ5tly rem9d$ ( ! tr\ble he took to s]ve y4 ,i ?9k t ! ,ph>isee p]haps does mo/ h>m 9 ! end1 because he hates all exp]im5ts4 ,he does h>m to ! "y1 because he makes !m dislike virtue & mi/ru/ beauty4 ,! cad does n corrupt--9 fact1 ,i ?9k he r improves p1 because he is s ugly a case ( :at no "o wi%es to be--& x is bett] to hate p ?an to be fright5$ ( !m4 ,if we got a cad & a ,ph>isee 9 "h1 = in/ance1 x w\ld be easi] to get rid ( ! cad ?an ! ,ph>isee4 ,i beg9 to brea! m freely1 said ,v9c5t4 ,i _h begun to review my consci5ce4 ,fa!r ,payne laugh$4 ,x's all blank c>tridge1 he said4 ,,xxiv ,,( ,,cont9uance ,i 0 walk+ ) ,fa!r ,payne 9 ! g>d5 "o day ( spr+4 ,i ?9k ,i lik$ him bett] :5 ,i 0 alone ) him ?an ,i did :5 we 7 all toge!r4 ,8 m9d exp&$ m t5d]ly & simply--less epigrammatically4 ,he spoke ( ?is once to me1 say+3 ,i am at my be/ :5 alone2 ev5 "o companion deflects me4 ,i f9d myself wi%+ to please him1 p9*+ (f r\ghnesses1 p]fum+ tru?1 diplomatis+4 ,?is ought n to be1 ( c\rse2 & if "o 0 n ?orny1 self-ass]tive1 /upid1 x w\ld n be s2 & e companion add$ makes me worse1 because ! /ra9 ( accommodation gr[s--,i become vulg> & r\gh & boi/]\s 9 a l>ge circle4 ,i (t5 feel3 ',h[ ^! "y m5 mu/ be hat+ ?is gibb]+ & giggl+ ape1 :i* aft] all is n really me6' ,i tri$ to reassure him1 b he %ook 8 head1 ?\gh ) a smil+ air4 ,b>?rop is n l t1 he said1 ! wise ,b>?rop6 ,he is nev] suspici\s or ha/y--he does n ?9k x necess>y to affirm2 yet y are nev] 9 any d\bt :at he ?9ks6 ,he moves along l wat]1 nev] anxi\s if he is held up or divid$1 creep+ on z ! l& lies--t is ! "r way4 ,pres5tly he /opp$1 & look$ long at "s daffodil blades :i* 7 ?ru/+ up 9 a %elt]$ place4 ,look at ! gray bloom on ^? blades1 he said2 isn't t p]fect8 ,fancy ?9k+ ( t--ea* ( !m s obvi\sly ! same ?\ght tak+ %ape1 yet ea* ( !m diff]5t4 ,d n y see 9 !m some?+ calm1 cont9u\s1 active--happy1 9 fact--at "w2 (t5 tripp$ up & imprison$1 & ?w>t$--b mov+ on8 ,he 0 sil5t a little1 & !n he said3 ,?is =ce ( life--:at a fasc9at+ my/]y x is--nev] dy+1 nev] ceas+1 always com+ back to %ape itself into matt]4 ,i wond] sometimes x is n cont5t to exi/ alone2 b no1 x is always back aga91 arrang+ matt]1 manipulat+ x into beautiful %apes & creatures1 nev] disc\rag$2 ev5 :5 ! plant falls ill & beg9s to p9e away1 ! happy life is )9 x--languid p]haps1 b j wait+ = ! release1 till ! cage 9 :i* x has imprison$ itself is op5$1 & !n--s ,i believe--back aga9 9 an in/ant some:]e else4 ,i am incl9$ to believe1 he w5t on1 t t is :at we are all ab\t2 x seems to me ! only explanation = ! fact t we c>e s mu* ab\t ! pa/ & ! future4 ,if we are creatures ( a day1 :y %\ld we be int]e/$8 ,! only reason we c>e ab\t ! pa/ is because we ourselves 7 !re 9 x2 & we c>e ab\t ! future because we %all be !re 9 x aga94 ,y mean a sort ( re-inc>nation1 ,i said4 ,t's an ugly ^w = a beautiful ?+1 he said4 ,b ?is love ( life1 ?is impulse to live1 to protect ourselves1 to keep ourselves alive1 mu/ surely mean t we h always liv$ & %all always live4 ,"s p ?9k t dreadful4 ,!y ?9k x is tak+ lib]ties ) !m4 ,if !y are ri* & com=table & dignifi$1 !y _c be> to ?9k t !y may h to beg9 aga91 p]haps z a baby 9 a slum--or !y gr[ tir$1 & ?9k !y want re/2 b we c't re/--we mu/ live aga91 we mu/ be back at "w2 & ( c\rse ! real hope 9 x all is t1 :5 we d any?+ to make ! _w happi]1 x is our own future t we are work+ =4 ,:o c\ld c>e ab\t ! future ( ! _w1 if he 0 to be bani%$ f x = ev]8 ,i 0 read+ a book ! o!r day1 9 :i* a wise & a good man said t he felt ab\t ! future progress ( ! _w z ,moses did ab\t ! promis$ l&1 'n z ( some?+ we want to h = ourselves1 b z ( some?+ :i* we want to exi/1 :e!r we exi/ or no1' ,i c't take s imp]sonal a view6 ,if "o really believ$ t "o 0 go+ to be ext+ui%$ 9 dea?1 "o w\ld c>e no m ab\t ! _w's future ?an "o c>es :]e ! pass5g]s 9 a tra9 are go+ to1 :5 we get out at a /ation4 ,:o1 on arriv+ at home1 c lose himself 9 wond]+ :]e 8 fell[-travell]s h got to8 ,we h bett] ?+s to d ?an t6 ,t is ! %am altruism4 ,x is z if a boy at s*ool1 in/ead ( le>n+ 8 own lesson1 sp5t 8 "t 9 implor+ ! o!r boys to le>n !irs4 ,t is :at we are :ipp$ =--= n le>n+ our own lesson4 ,b if all ?is is s1 ,i said1 :y don't we "k t we %all live aga98 ,:y is ! "o ?+ :i* is important = u to "k hidd5 f u8 ,i ?9k we d "k x1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 deep d[n 9 ourselves4 ,x is :y x is wor? :ile to g on liv+4 ,if we believ$ our reason1 :i* tells u t we come to an end & s9k into sil5ce1 we c\ld n c>e to live1 to suff]1 to =m passionate ties :i* mu/ all be sev]$1 only to s9k into no?+ness ourselves4 ,if we w li/5 to our in/9cts1 !y assure u t x is all wor? do+1 because x all has a significance = u 9 ! life t comes next4 ,b if we are to g on liv+1 ,i said1 are we to =get all ! love & int]e/ & delight ( life8 ,!re seems no cont9uance ( id5tity )\t memory4 ,oh1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t is ano!r delusion ( reason4 ,our qualities rema9--our p[] ( be+ int]e/$1 ( lov+1 ( c>+1 ( suff]+4 ,we practise !m a little 9 "o life1 we practise !m aga9 9 ! next--t is :y we improve4 ,i =get :o x 0 :o said x1 b x is q true1 t !re are numb]less p n[ alive1 :o1 because ( _! ord]l9ess1 _! pati5ce1 _! k9dness1 _! sweetness1 w\ld h be5 ador$ z sa9ts if !y _h liv$ 9 m$iaeval times4 ,& t is ! be/ reason we h = suppress+ z f> z we c our evil dispositions1 & = liv+ bravely & freely 9 happy en]gy1 t we %all make a little bett] />t next "t4 ,x is n ! p>ticul> p we love :o matt]--x is ! p[] ( lov+ o!r p--& if we meet ! same p z ^? we lov$ aga91 we %all love !m aga92 & if we d n1 :y1 !re w be o!rs to love4 ,"o ( ! wor/ limitations ,i feel is ! fact t !re are s _m ?\s& p on e>? :om ,i c\ld love1 if ,i c\ld b meet !m--& ,i am n go+ to believe t ?is wret*$ span ( days is my only *ance ( meet+ !m4 ,we ne$ n be 9 a hurry--& yet we h no "t to wa/e6 ,he /opp$ = a mom5t1 & !n add$3 ,:5 ,i liv$ 9 ,london1 & 0 v poor1 & _h ei!r too mu* or n en\gh to d1 & 0 altoge!r v unhappy1 ,i us$ to w&] ab\t ! /reets & wond] h[ ,i c\ld be s mu* alone :5 !re 7 s _m possible fri5ds4 ,j above ,ludgate ,railway ,viaduct1 z y g to ,/4 ,paul's1 !re is a *ur* on y\r left1 a ,wr5 *ur*1 v pla91 ( :ite & black5$ /one1 & an odd lead spire at ! top4 ,x has h>dly any ornam5t1 b j ov] ! c5tral doorway1 "u a sort ( p$im5t1 !re is a little *ildi% angel's head1 a beautiful little baby face1 ) su* an expression ( /ifl$ bewild]m5t4 ,x seems to say1 ',:y %\ld ,i hang "h1 cov]$ ) soot1 ) ?is mob ( p jo/l+ along bel[1 9 all ?is noise & dirt8' ,! *ild looks z if x 0 j ab\t to bur/ into te>s4 ,i us$ to feel l t4 ,i us$ to feel t ,i 0 meant to be happy1 & ev5 to make p happy1 & t ,i _h be5 caught & p9n$ d[n 9 a sort ( pillory4 ,x's a griev\s mi/ake to feel l t4 ,self-pity is ! wor/ ( all luxuries6 ,b ,i ?9k ,i owe all my happ9ess to t bad "t4 ,com+ "h 0 l a resurrection2 & ,i nev] grudg$ ! "t :5 ,i 0 face to face ) a na/y1 poky1 useless life4 ,& if t c happ5 inside a s+le exi/5ce1 ,i am n go+ to despair ab\t ! possibility ( its happ5+ 9 _m exi/5ces4 ,i dream$ ! o!r night t ,i saw a p>ty ( little angels s++ a song toge!r1 all absorb$ 9 mak+ music1 & ,i recognis$ ! little *ild ( ,ludgate ,hill 9 ! middle ( !m s++ l\d & cle>4 ,he gave me a little smile & some?+ l a w9k1 & ,i knew t he _h got 8 promotion4 ,we ought all ( u1 & always1 to be expect+ t4 ,b we h got to e>n x1 ( c\rse4 ,x does n come if we wait ) fold$ h&s4 ,,xxv ,,( ,,philan?ropy ,fa!r ,payne told u an odd /ory to-day ( a big h\se on ! outskirts ( ,london1 ) a great g>d5 & "s fields belong+ to x1 t 0 %ut up = ye>s & seem$ neglect$4 ,x 0 inhabit$ by an old retir$ ,colonel & 8 daught]3 ! daught] _h become an invalid1 & h] m9d 0 believ$ to be affect$4 ,no "o ev] came to ! h\se or call$ !re4 ,a wall ran1 r\nd x1 & ! trees grew ?ick & tangl$ )92 ! big gates 7 lock$4 ,occasionally ! ,colonel came out ( a side-door1 a tall h&some man1 & took a brisk walk2 sometimes he w\ld be se5 h&+ 8 daught]1 mu* wrapp$ up1 into a c>riage1 & !y drove toge!r4 ,b ! place _h a s9i/] air1 & 0 altoge!r reg>d$ ) a gloomy curiosity4 ,:5 ! ,colonel di$1 x 0 discov]$ t ! place 0 beautifully kept )91 & ! h\se delightfully furni%$4 ,x came out t1 aft] a p]iod ( m5tal depression1 ! daught] _h recov]$ h] spirits1 ?\gh h] heal? 0 /ill delicate4 ,! two 7 devot$ to ea* o!r1 & !y decid$ t1 in/ead ( liv+ an ord9>y sociable life1 !y w\ld j enjoy ea* o!r's society 9 peace4 ,x _h be5 ! happie/ life1 simple1 t5d]ly affectionate1 ! two liv+ 9 & = ea* o!r1 & "o1 moreov]1 ( op5-h&$1 secret b5evol5ce4 ,ap>t f ! exp5ses ( ! h\sehold1 ! ,colonel's weal? _h be5 us$ to support e k9d ( good "w4 ,only "o old fri5d ( ! ,colonel's 0 9 ! secret1 & he spoke ( x z "o ( ! mo/ beautiful homes he _h ev] se54 ,someone ( u criticis$ ! /ory1 & ask$ :e!r x 0 n a case ( ref9$ selfi%ness4 ,he add$ r incisively t ! exp5diture ( money on *>itable objects seem$ to him to %[ t ! ,colonel's consci5ce 0 ill at ease4 ,fa!r ,payne 0 v indignant4 ,he said ! _w _h gone mad on philan?ropy & social s]vice4 ,?ree-qu>t]s ( x 0 only fussy ambition4 ,he w5t on to say t a beautiful & simple life 0 probably ! ?+ mo/ wor? liv+ 9 ! _w1 & t two p c\ld h>dly be bett] employ$ ?an 9 mak+ ea* o!r happy4 ,he said t he did n believe 9 self-d5ial unless p lik$ x4 ,0 x really a f9] life to *att] at d9n]-p>ties & tea-p>ties1 & occasionally to inspect an orphanage8 ,p]spiration 0 n ! only evid5ce ( godl9ess4 ,:y1 0 x to be suppos$ t "o c\ld n live wor?ily unless "o 0 always pok+ "o's nose into "o's neighb\r's conc]ns8 ,he said t y might z well say t x 0 ref9$ selfi%ness to h a rose-tree 9 y\r g>d51 unless y cut (f e bud ! mom5t x appe>$ & s5t x to a hospital4 ,if ! critic really believ$ :at he said1 ,aveley 0 no place = him4 ,let him g to ,*icago6 ,,xxvi ,,( ,,fe> ,i =get :at l$ up to ! subject2 p]haps ,i did n he>2 b ,fa!r ,payne said1 ,x isn't = no?+ t '! fe>ful' head ! li/ ( all ! abom9able p--murd]]s1 sorc]]s1 idolat]s2 & li>s--:o are res]v$ = ! lake ( fire & brim/one6 ,fe> is ! "o ?+ t we are always wrong 9 yield+ to3 ,i don't mean timidity & c[>dice1 b ! sort ( heavy1 mild1 & r pi\s sort ( =ebod+ t wakes "o up e>ly 9 ! morn+1 & t takes all ! w9d out ( "o's sails2 fe> ( n be+ lik$1 ( hav+ giv5 (f5ce1 ( liv+ uselessly1 ( wa/+ "t & opportunities4 ,:atev] we d1 we mu/ n lead an apologetic k9d ( life4 ,if we on ! :ole int5d to d some?+ :i* we ?9k may be wrong1 x is bett] to d x--x is wrong to be cauti\s & prud5t4 ,i love exp]im5ts4 ,isn't t r immoral8 said ,le/range4 ,no1 my de> boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 we mu/ make mi/akes3 bett] make !m6 ,i am n speak+ ( ?+s obvi\sly wrong1 cruel1 unk9d1 ung5]\s1 spiteful ?+s2 b x is "r to give oneself away1 to yield to impulses1 n to take advice too mu*1 & n to calculate consequ5ces too mu*4 ,i hate ! ,rob9son ,crusoe me?od ( balanc+ pros & cons4 ,live y\r own life1 d :at y are incl9$ to d1 z long z y really d x4 ,t is probably ! be/ way ( s]v+ ! _w4 ,don't be argu$ into ?+s1 or bulli$ out ( !m4 ,y ne$ n p>ade x--b rebel sil5tly4 ,x is absolutely useless go+ ab\t knock+ p d[n4 ,t proves no?+ except t y are /rong]4 ,don't %[ up p1 or fight p2 e/abli% a /rong] influ5ce if y c1 & make p see t x is happi] & pleasant] to live z y live4 ,make !m envy y--don't make !m fe> y4 ,y mu/ n play ) fe>1 & y mu/ n yield to fe>4 ,,xxvii ,,( ,,ari/ocracy ,fa!r ,payne came into ! hall "o morn+ aft] breakfa/ :5 ,i 0 op5+ a p>cel ( books :i* _h arriv$ = me4 ,x 0 a f9e1 sunny day1 & ! sun lit up ! portrait fram$ 9 ! panell+ ov] ! mantelpiece1 an old & skilful copy 7at lea/ ,i suppose x 0 a copy7 ( ,reynolds' f9e portrait ( ,james1 t5? ,e>l ( ,%rop%ire4 ,fa!r ,payne reg>d$ ! picture e>ne/ly4 ,isn't he magnific5t8 he said4 ,b he 0 a v poor creature really1 & came to great grief4 ,my great-great-gr&fa!r6 ,8 gr&daught] m>ri$ my gr&fa!r4 ,n[ look at t--t's ! be/ we c d 9 ! way ( bre$+6 ,!re's a man ^: direct ance/ors1 fa!r to son1 _h simply ! be/ t money c buy--f9e h\ses to live 91 p[]1 ! pick ( ! matrimonial m>ket1 ! be/ education1 a f9e tradition1 e inducem5t to behave l a h]o2 & :at did he d--he gambl$ away 8 inh]itance1 & di$ ( dr9k & bad c\rses4 ,we c't get :at we want1 x w\ld seem1 by bre$+ human be+s1 ?\gh we c d x ) c[s & pigs4 ,:]e & h[ does ! ?+ g wrong8 ,8 fa!r & "m 7 bo? ( !m admirable p--f9e 9 e s5se ( ! ^w4 ,& !n p talk1 too1 z if we _h got rid ( idolatry6 ,we make a man a pe]1 we heap weal? ^u him1 & !n we wor%ip him = 8 magnific5ce1 & are deeply affect$ if he talks civilly to u4 ,we don't d x q s mu* n[1 p]haps--b 9 t man's day1 ?9k :at an aroma ( rank & spl5d\r is ca/1 ev5 9 ,boswell's ,life ( ,johnson1 ov] a d9n]-p>ty :]e a man l t 0 pres5t6 ,if he paid ,johnson ! mo/ trump]y ( complim5ts1 ,johnson b[$ l[1 & d[n x w5t on ,boswell's cuff6 ,yet we g on p]petuat+ x4 ,we don't require t su* a man %\ld be active1 public-spirit$1 wise4 ,if he is fond ( field-sports1 fairly bus9ess-l1 k9dly1 c\rte\s1 dec5tly virtu\s1 we ?9k him a great man1 & feel mildly elat$ at meet+ him & be+ spok5 to civilly by him4 ,i don't mean t only snobs feel t2 b respectable p1 :o don't pursue fa%ion1 w\ld be m pleas$ if an ,e>l !y knew turn$ up & ask$ = a cup ( tea ?an if ! wor?ie/ ( _! neighb\rs did s4 ,i don't exagg]ate ! p[] ( rank--x doesn't make a man necess>ily p[]ful n[1 b a v little ability1 back$ up by rank1 w g a long way4 ,a great g5]al or a great /atesman likes to be made an ,e>l2 & yet a good _m p w\ld l an ,e>l ( long desc5t q z mu*4 ,!re are a lot ( p ab\t :o feel z ,melb\rne did :5 he said he lik$ ! ,g>t] s mu* because !re 0 no d----d m]it ab\t x4 ,i believe we admire p :o inh]it magnific5ce bett] ?an we admire p :o e>n x2 & :ile t feel+ is !re1 :at c be done to alt] x8 ,i don't ?9k ,i want to alt] x1 ,i said2 x is v picturesque6 ,yes1 !re's ! mis*ief1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x is m picturesque1 hang x all6 ,! old ari/ocrat :o feels l a pr9ce & behaves l "o1 is m picturesque ?an ! p]son :o has sweat$ himself into x4 ,?9k ( ! old ,duke :o 0 told he mu/ retr5*1 & t he ne$ n h six /ill-room maids 9 8 e/abli%m5t1 & said1 aft] a brief p]iod ( reflection1 ',d----n x1 a man mu/ h a biscuit6' ,we l insol5ce6 ,t is to say1 we l x 9 its place1 because we admire p[]4 ,x's t5 times m impressive ?an ! meekness ( ! sa9t4 ,! mis*ief is t we l any?+ f a man ( p[]4 ,if he is insol5t1 we ?9k x gr&2 if he is /upid1 we ?9k x a sort ( condesc5sion2 if he is mild & polite1 we ?9k x m>vell\s2 if he is boori%1 we ?9k x is simple-m9d$4 ,x is p[] t we admire1 or r success1 & bo? c be inh]it$4 ,if a man gets a big position 9 ,engl&1 he is always said to gr[ into x2 b t is because we c>e ab\t ! position m ?an we c>e ab\t ! man4 ,:5 ,i 0 y\ng]1 he w5t on1 ,i us$ to l meet+ successful p--x 0 only r>ely t ,i got ! *ance--b ,i gradually discov]$ t !y 7 n1 on ! :ole1 ! int]e/+ p4 ,sometimes !y 71 ( c\rse1 :5 !y 7 big animat$ m51 full ( vitality & int]e/4 ,b _m m5 use !mselves up 9 atta9+ success1 & hav5't any?+ mu* to give y except _! tir$ side4 ,no1 ,i soon f\nd out t fre%ness 0 ! int]e/+ ?+1 :]ev] x 0 to be f\nd--&1 m9d y1 x isn't v common4 ,_m p h to arrive at success by resolute self-limitation2 & t becomes v un9t]e/+4 ,buoyancy1 sympa?y1 quick int]e/s1 p]ceptiv5ess--t's ! supreme *>m2 & ! wor/ ( x is t x mo/ly belongs to ! p :o hav5't tak5 too mu* out ( !mselves4 ,:5 we h got a really well-ord]$ ,/ate1 no "o w h any reason to "w too h>d1 & !n we %all all be ! happi]4 ,^! gigantic toil]s1 x's a sort ( morbidity1 y "k2 ! real success is to enjoy "w1 n to drudge y\rself dry4 ,"o mu/ ov]fl[--n pump6 ,b :at is an arti/ to d1 ,i said1 :o is simply haunt$ by ! desire to make some?+ beautiful8 ,he mu/ hold 8 h&1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 he mu/ le>n to wa/e 8 "t1 & he mu/ love wa/+ x4 ,a habit ( creative "w is an awful ?+4 ,come out = a turn1 he w5t on2 nev] m9d ^! rott5 books2 don't get into a habit ( read+--x's l endlessly li/5+ to good talk )\t ev] jo9+ 9 x--x makes a corpul5t m9d6 ,we w5t & walk$ 9 ! g>d52 he /opp$ be=e "s giant hemlocks4 ,j look at ^? great ?+s1 he said1 built up z geometrically z a ca!dral1 ti] above ti]1 & yet n q regul>4 ,!re mu/ be some?+ v h>d at "w inside t1 pil+ x all up1 add+ cell to cell1 c>ry+ out a plan1 & enjoy+ x all4 ,yet ! beauty ( x is t x isn't p]fectly regul>4 ,y see ! und]ly+ s*eme1 yet ! sep>ate %oots are n q me*anical--!y lean away f ea* o!r1 t jo9t is a trifle %ort]--!re wasn't q room at ! />t 9 t /em1 & ! pressure goes on %[+ "r up to ! top1 ,i suppose our lives w\ld look v ne>ly z geometrical to anyone :o knew--really knew2 b h[ little geometrical we feel6 ,i don't suppose ?is hemlock is curs$ by ! p[] ( ?9k+ x might h done o!rwise1 or envies ! roses4 ,we mu/n't sp5d "t 9 envy+1 or rep5t+ ei!r--or /ill less 9 r5\nc+ life4 ,b if ,i want to r5\nce x1 ,i said1 :y %\ldn't ,i8 ,yes1 !re y h me1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 we "k s little ab\t ourselves1 t we don't always "k :e!r we d bett] to r5\nce a ?+ or to seize x4 ,make exp]im5ts1 ,i say--don't make habits4 ,b y are always drill+ me into habits1 ,i said4 ,he gave me a little %ake ) 8 h&4 ,yes1 ! habit ( be+ able to d a ?+1 he said1 n ! habit ( be+ unable to d any?+ else6 ,hang ^! metaphysics1 if t is :at !y are6 ,:at ,i want y "y m5 to d is to get a firm hold ^u life1 & to feel t x is a f9] ?+ ?an any little pres5tm5t ( x4 ,i want y to feel & enjoy = y\rselves1 & to live freely & g5]\sly4 ,bad ?+s happ5 to all ( u1 ( c\rse2 b we mu/n't m9d t--n to be petty or qu>relsome1 or hideb\nd or prudi% or ov]-p>ticul>1 t's ! po9t4 ,to leave o!r p alone1 except on ! r>e occasions :5 !y are n lett+ o!r p alone2 to be peaceable1 & yet n to be afraid2 n to be hurt & vex$2 to practise =gett+2 n to want to p\* ?+s6 ,x's all v well = me to talk1 he said2 ,i made a suffici5t ha% ( x1 :5 ,i 0 poor & mis]able & ov]work$2 & !n ,i 0 transplant$ out ( a slum w9d[-box into a sunny g>d51 j 9 "t2 yet ,i'm sure t mo/ ( my old tr\bles 7 9 a way ( my own mak+1 because ,i hat$ be+ s insignificant2 b ,i fe> t 0 a little poison lurk+ 9 me f ! ,e>ls ( ,%rop%ire4 ,t is ! odd ?+ ab\t ambitions1 t !y seem s (t5 l rega9+ a lo/ position r ?an mak+ a new "o4 ,! tru? is t we are cag$2 & ! only ?+ to d is to ?9k ab\t ! cage z little z we c4 ,,xxviii ,,( ,,cry/als ,"o day ,i 0 /roll+ d[n ! g>d5 among ! w9d+ pa?s1 :5 ,i came sudd5ly ^u ,fa!r ,payne1 :o 0 hurry+ t[>ds ! h\se4 ,he _h 9 ea* ( 8 h&s a l>ge r\ghly sph]ical /one1 & look$ at me a little %amefac$ly4 ,y look1 ,fa!r1 ,i said1 z if y 7 go+ to /one ,/eph54 ,he laugh$1 & look$ at ! /ones4 ,yes1 he said1 !y are :at ! ,greeks call$ 'h&-fill]s1' = use 9 battle--b ,i h no nef>i\s designs4 ,:at are y go+ to d ) !m8 ,i said ,t's a secret6 he said1 & made z if he 7 go+ 94 ,!n he said1 ,come1 y %all he> x--y %all %>e my secret1 & be a p>tn] 9 my dreams1 z ! fi%]man says 9 ,!ocritus4 ,b he did n tell me :at he 0 go+ to d1 & seem$ half %y ( do+ s4 ,x's l ,dr4 ,johnson & ! orange-peel1 ,i said4 ',nay1 ,sir1 y %all "k _! fate no fur!r4' ,well1 ! tru? is1 he said at la/1 t ,i'm a p]fect baby4 ,i nev] c resi/ look+ into a hole 9 ! gr\nd1 & ,i happ5$ to look into ! pit :]e we dig gravel4 ,i c't tell y h[ long ,i sp5t !re4 ,:at 7 y do+8 ,i said4 ,look+ = fossils1 he said2 ,i _h a great gift = f9d+ !m :5 ,i 0 a *ild4 ,i didn't f9d any fossils to-day1 b ,i f\nd ^! /ones1 & ,i ?9k !y conta9 cry/als4 ,i am go+ to break !m & see4 ,i took "o 9 my h&4 ,i ?9k !y are only fossil sponges1 ,i said2 !re w only be a ru/y sort ( core inside4 ,y "k t6 he said1 bright5+ up2 y "k ab\t /ones too8 ,b ^! are n sponges--!y w\ld rattle if !y 7--no1 !y conta9 cry/als--,i am sure ( x4 ,come & see6 ,we w5t into ! /able-y>d4 ,fa!r ,payne fet*$ a hamm]1 & !n select$ a conv5i5t place 9 ! cobbl$ y>d to break ! /ones4 ,he put "o ( !m 9 position1 & aim$ a bl[ at x1 b x glanc$ (f1 & ! /one flew (f ) ! impact to "s di/ance4 ,lie /ill1 c't y8 said ,fa!r ,payne1 apo/rophis+ ! /one1 & add+1 ,?is is = my pleasure1 n = y\rs4 ,i recov]$ ! /one1 & br\ght x back1 & ,fa!r ,payne broke x ) a well-direct$ bl[4 ,he ga!r$ up ! pieces eag]ly4 ,yes1 he said1 x's all "r--!y are blue cry/als3 bett] ?an ,i _h hop$4 ,he h&$ a fragm5t to me to look at4 ,! inside ( ! /one 0 holl[4 ,x _h a coagulat$ appe>ance1 & 0 ?ickly coat$ ) m9ute blui% cry/als1 v beautiful4 ,i don't "k t ,i ev] saw a /one ,i lik$ z well z ?is1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 mus+ ov] ano!r piece4 ,?9k :at millions ( ye>s ?is has be5 l t1--be=e ,abraham 06 ,x has nev] se5 ! light ( day be=e--x's a spla% ( "s molt5 /one1 :i* fell plop into a cool sea-curr5t1 ,i suppose4 ,i wi% ,i knew all ab\t x4 ,! "q1 is1 :y is x s beautiful8 ,x c\ldn't help x1 ,i suppose6 ,b = ^: delight8 ,!n he said1 ,i suppose ?is 0 a vacuum 9 "h till x 0 brok58 ,t is :y x is s cle> & fre%4 ,good ,heav5s1 :at w\ld ,i n give to "k :y ?is ?+ cool$ into ^! lovely little %apes4 ,x's no use talk+ ab\t ! laws ( matt]--:y are ! laws ( matt] :at !y are1 & n diff]5t8 ,& odd] /ill1 :y d ,i l ! look ( x8 ,p]haps t is a law ( matt] too1 ,i said4 ,oh1 %ut up6 said ,fa!r ,payne to me4 ,b ,i und]/&--& ( c\rse ! temptation is to believe t ?is 0 all done on y\r acc\nt & m9e4 ,t is z odd a ?+ z ! /one itself1 if y come to ?9k ( x1 t we %\ld be made s t we ref] ev]y?+ to ourselves1 & to believe t ,god prep>$ ?is pretty %[ = u4 ,i suppose we come 9 some:]e8 ,i said4 ,yes1 we are all[$ to see x1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b x wasn't arrang$ = ! b5efit ( a silly old man l me4 ,t is ! wor/ ( our religi\s !ories--t we believe t ,god is = ev] mak+ p]sonal appeals to u4 ,x is t sort ( self-importance :i* spoils ev]y?+4 ,b ,i c h>dly believe t we h ?is s5se ( self-importance only to get rid ( x1 ,i said4 ,x all seems to me a dreadful muddle--to %ut up ^! lovely little ?+s inside millions ( /ones1 & !n to give u ! wi% to break a c\ple1 only t we may reflect t !y 7 n meant = u to see at all4 ,fa!r ,payne gave a groan4 ,yes1 x is a muddle6 he said4 ,b "o ?+ ,i feel cle> ab\t--t a beautiful ?+ l ?is means a s5se ( joy some:]e3 "s happ9ess w5t to ! mak+ ( ?+s :i* 9 a s5se are q useless1 b are unutt]ably lovely all ! same4 ,beauty implies consci\sness--b come1 we are neglect+ our bus9ess4 ,give me ! o!r /one at once6 ,i gave x him1 & he crack$ x4 ,v disappo9t+6 he said4 ,i made sure !re 0 a beautiful /one1 b x is all solid--only a flaky sort ( jelly--x's no use at all6 ,he ?rew x aside1 b c>efully ga!r$ up ! fragm5ts ( ! cry/all9e /one4 ,don't tell ( me6 he said1 look+ at me :imsically4 ,?is is ! sort ( nons5se :i* our s5sible fri5ds won't und]/&4 ,b n[ t ,i "k t y c>e ab\t /ones1 we w h a r>e hunt toge!r "o ( ^! days4 ,b m9d--no /uff ab\t geology6 ,x's beauty t we are 9 se>* (1 y & ,i4 ,,xxix ,,e>ly ,,life ,"o day1 to my surprise & delight1 ,fa!r ,payne indulg$ 9 "s p]sonal rem9isc5ces ab\t 8 e>ly life4 ,he did n z a rule d ?is4 ,he us$ to say t x 0 ! sure/ sign ( decad5ce to ?9k mu* ab\t ! pa/4 ,sometimes :5 ,i wake e>ly1 he said1 ,i f9d myself go+ back to my *ildhood1 & liv+ ?r\gh sc5e aft] sc5e4 ,x's n :olesome--,i always "k ,i am a little out ( sorts :5 ,i d t--x is only "o degree bett] ?an mak+ plans ab\t ! future6 ,h[ev]1 on ?is occasion he 0 v communicative4 ,he _h be5 talk+ ab\t ,rusk91 & he said3 ,d y rememb] 9 ,praet]ita h[ ,rusk91 writ+ ab\t 8 %elt]$ & complac5t *ildhood1 describes h[ entirely he liv$ 9 ! pleasure ( sight8 ,he notic$ ev]y?+1 ! %apes & col\rs ( ?+s1 ! almond blossom1 ! ants t made ne/s 9 ! g>d5 walk1 ! ?+s !y saw 9 _! travels4 ,he 0 entirely absorb$ 9 s5se-impressions4 ,well1 t ?rew a light on my own life1 because x 0 exactly :at happ5$ to me z a *ild4 ,i liv$ :olly 9 obs]vation4 ,i _h no m9d & v little he>t4 ,i suppose t ,i _h s mu* to d look+ at ev]y?+1 gett+ ! %apes & ! textures & ! qualities ( ev]y?+ by he>t1 t ,i _h no "t to ?9k ab\t ideas & emotions4 ,i _h a v lonely *ildhood1 y "k1 br\ght up 9 ! c\ntry by my "m1 :o 0 r an invalid1 my fa!r be+ dead4 ,i _h no companions to speak (1 & ,i didn't c>e ab\t anyone or ne$ anyone--x 0 all simply a collect+ ( impressions4 ,! result is t ,i c visualise any?+ & ev]y?+--speak ( a l>*-bud or a fir-cone1 & !re x is be=e me--! little rosy fragrant tuft1 or ! glossy rectangul> squ>es ( ! cone4 ,!n ,i w5t to ,m>lbor\gh1 & ,i 0 dreadfully unhappy1 ,i hat$ ev]y?+ & ev]ybody--! ugl9ess & slov5l9ess ( x all1 ! noise1 ! fuss1 ! /9k4 ,i did n feel ,i _h any?+ 9 common ) ^? little brutes1 z ,i ?\ght !m4 ,i liv$ ! life ( a bl9d creature 9 a fright1 grop+ aimlessly ab\t4 ,i jo9$ 9 no?+--b ,i 0 always /rong1 & s ,i 0 left alone4 ,no "o d>$ to int]f]e ) me2 & ,i h sometimes wi%$ ,i hadn't be5 s /rong1 t ,i _h _h ! exp]i5ce ( be+ weak4 ,i d>e say t na/y ?+s might h happ5$--b ,i %\ld h kn[n m :at ! _w 0 l1 ,i %\ld h dep5d$ m ^u o!r p1 ,i %\ld h made fri5ds4 ,z x 01 ,i left s*ool entirely innoc5t1 v solit>y1 v mode/1 ?9k+ myself a complete duff]1 & ev]yone else a bea/4 ,x got a little bett] at ! end ( my "t1 & ,i _h a companion or two--b ,i nev] dream$ ( tell+ anyone :at ,i 0 really ?9k+ ab\t4 ,he broke (f sudd5ly4 ,?is is awful twaddle6 he said4 ,:y %\ld y c>e to he> ab\t all ?is8 ,i 0 ?9k+ al\d4 ,d g on ?9k+ al\d a little1 ,i said2 x is mo/ int]e/+6 ,ah1 he said1 ) ! flatt]]s 7 busy mock]s6 ,y enjoy />+ & look+ ^u me4 ,no1 no1 ,i said1 r nettl$4 ,fa!r ,payne1 don't y und]/&8 ,i want to he> m ab\t y4 ,i want to "k h[ y came to be :at y are3 x int]e/s me m ?an ,i c say4 ,y ask$ me ab\t myself :5 ,i came "h1 & ,i told y4 ,:y %\ldn't ,i ask y1 = a *ange8 ,he smil$1 obvi\sly pleas$ at ?is4 ,:y1 !n1 he said1 ,i'll g on4 ,i'm n above lik+ to tell my tale1 l ! ,anci5t ,m>9]4 ,y c beat y\r brea/ :5 y are tir$ ( x4 ,he 0 int5t = a mom5t1 & !n w5t on4 ,well1 ,i w5t up to ,ox=d--to ,corpus4 ,a funny little place1 ,i n[ ?9k--r intellectual4 ,i c\ld h>dly believe my s5ses :5 ,i f\nd h[ diff]5t x 0 f s*ool1 & h[ indep5d5t4 ,heav5s1 h[ happy ,i 06 ,i made "s fri5ds--,i f\nd ,i c\ld make fri5ds aft] all--,i c\ld say :at ,i lik$1 ,i c\ld argue1 ,i c\ld ev5 amuse !m4 ,i really c\ldn't make y realise h[ ,i ador$ "s ( ^? m54 ,i us$ to g to sleep aft] a long ev5+ ( *att]1 simply hat+ ! d>kness :i* sep>at$ me f life & company4 ,!re 7 two 9 p>ticul>1 v ord9>y "y m51 ,i expect4 ,b !y 7 fond ( me1 & lik$ be+ ) me1 & ,i ?\ght !m ! mo/ wond]ful & en*ant+ p]sons1 ) a wide k ( ! great my/]i\s _w4 ,! _w6 ,x wasn't1 ,i saw1 a na/y1 jo/l+ place1 z ,i _h ?\ght at s*ool1 b a great beautiful affair1 full ( love & delight1 ( int]e/ & ideas4 ,i read1 ,i talk$1 ,i flew ab\t--x 0 simply a new bir?6 ,i felt l a prison] sudd5ly releas$4 ,( c\rse1 ! mis*ief 0 t ,i neglect$ my "w4 ,!re wasn't "t = t3 & ,i fell 9 love1 too1 or ?\ght ,i did1 ) ! si/] ( "o ( ^? fri5ds1 ) :om ,i w5t to /ay4 ,i wond] if anyone 0 ev] 9 love l t6 ,i d>esay x's common en\gh4 ,b ,i won't g into t2 ^! raptures are = private consumption4 ,i 0 r\ghly j]k$ up4 ,i took a bad degree4 ,my "m di$--,i _h v little 9 common ) h]3 %e 0 an invalid )\t any hold on life1 & ,i took no tr\ble to be k9d to h]--,i 0 p]fectly selfi% & wilful4 ,!n ,i _h to e>n my liv+4 ,i w\ld h giv5 any?+ to /ay at ,ox=d3 & y "k1 ev5 n[1 :5 ,i ?9k ( ,ox=d1 a sort ( electric %ock goes ?r\gh me1 ,i love x s mu*4 ,i d>5't ev5 set foot !re1 ,i'm s afraid ( f9d+ x alt]$4 ,b :5 ,i ?9k ( ^? d>k c\rts & b[]y g>d5s1 & ! m5 mov+ ab\t1 & ! fronts ( bli/]$ /one1 & ! little qua9t /reets1 & ! mead[s & elms1 & ! c\ntry all ab\t1 ,i h a physical ye>n+ t is almo/ a pa9--a sort ( home-sickness-- ,he broke (f1 & 0 sil5t = a mom5t1 & ,i saw t 8 eyes 7 full ( te>s4 ,!n x 0 ,london1 t accurs$ place6 ,i _h a t9y income3 ,i got a job at a coa*+ e/abli%m5t1 ,i work$ l ! devil4 ,t 0 a cruel "t4 ,i c\ldn't dream ( m>riage--t all vani%$1 & %e m>ri$ pretty soon1 ,i c\ldn't get a holiday--,i 0 too poor4 ,i tri$ writ+1 b ,i made a ha% ( t4 ,i simply w5t d[n into hell4 ,"o ( my great fri5ds di$1 & ! o!r--well1 x 0 awkw>d to meet1 :5 ,i _h _h to break x (f ) 8 si/]4 ,i simply c't describe to y h[ utt]ly horrible x all 04 ,i us$ to tea* all ! t]ms1 & 9 ! vacations ,i simply moon$ ab\t4 ,i hadn't a club1 & ,i us$ to read at ! ,museum--read j to keep my s5ses4 ,!n1 ,i suppose ,i got us$ to x4 ,( c\rse1 if ,i _h _h any adv5tur\sness 9 me1 ,i %\ld h gone (f & become a day-lab\r] or any?+--b ,i am n t sort ( p]son4 ,t w5t on till ,i 0 ab\t ?irty-?ree--& !n q sudd5ly1 & )\t any w>n+1 ,i _h my exp]i5ce4 ,i suppose t some?+ 0 go+ on inside me all ! "t1 some?+ be+ burnt out ( me 9 ^? fires4 ,x 0 a mixture ( selfi%ness & /upidity & p]v]s5ess t 0 ! matt] ) me4 ,i didn't see t ,i c\ld d any?+4 ,i 0 simply furi\s ) ! _w = be+ su* a hole1 & ) ,god = /ick+ me 9 ! middle ( x4 ,! occasion ( ! *ange 0 simply too ridicul\s4 ,x 0 no?+ else b com+ back to my rooms & f9d+ a big b[l ( daffodils !re4 ,!y _h be5 left1 my l&lady told me1 by a "y g5tleman4 ,x s\nds fooli% en\gh--b x sudd5ly occurr$ to me to ?9k t someone 0 int]e/$ 9 me1 piti$ me1 c>$ = me4 ,a sort ( mi/ cle>$ away f my eyes1 & ,i saw 9 a fla%1 :at 0 ! mis*ief--t ,i _h wall$ myself 9 by my mis]y & bad temp]1 & by my expectation t some?+ mu/ be done = me4 ,! next day ,i _h to take a lot ( pupils1 "o aft] ano!r1 = composition4 ,"o ( !m _h a daffodil 9 8 h&1 :i* he put d[n c>elessly on ! table4 ,i />$ at x & at him1 & he blu%$4 ,he wasn't an int]e/+ "y man to look at or to talk to--b x 0 j a bit ( simple humanity4 ,x all came out4 ,i _h be5 good to him--,i look$ z if ,i 7 hav+ a bad "t4 ,x 0 j a little human1 signal1 & a beautiful "o4 ,x 0 !re1 !n1 all ! "t1 ,i saw--human affection--if ,i c>$ to put out my h& = x4 ,i c't describe to y h[ x all develop$1 b my he>t _h melt$ someh[--?aw$ l a lump ( ice4 ,i saw t !re 0 no specific ill-w to me 9 ! _w4 ,i saw t ev]y?+ 0 !re1 if ,i only *ose to take x4 ,t 0 my second awak5+--a glimm] ( light ?r\gh a *9k--& sudd5ly1 x 0 day6 ,i _h be5 gr[l+ ov] bones & /raw 9 a fil?y k5nel1 & ,i 0 n really ti$ up at all4 ,life 0 runn+ pa/ me1 a cry/al riv]4 ,i 0 dy+ ( ?ir/3 & all because x 0 n giv5 me 9 a clean glass on a silv] tray1 ,i w\ld n dr9k x--& ,god smil+ at me all ! "t4 ,fa!r ,payne walk$ on 9 sil5ce4 ,! tru? is1 my boy1 he said a m9ute lat]1 t ,i'm a conv]t$ man1 & x isn't ev]yone :o c say t--nor d ,i wi% ev]yone to be conv]t$1 because x's a gha/ly bus9ess prep>+ = ! op]ation4 ,x isn't ev]yone :o ne$s x--only ^? self-will$1 devili%1 /&-(f1 pr\d p1 :o h to be brais$ 9 a mort> & pulv]is$ to atoms4 ,!n1 :5 y are all to bits1 y c be built up4 ,d y rememb] t /one we broke ! o!r day8 ,well1 ,i 0 a melt$ blob ( /one1 & !n ,i 0 cry/allis$--n[ ,i'm full ( eyes )96 ,& ! be/ ( x is t !y are little liv+ eyes1 & n sp>kl+ fl9ts--!y see1 !y don't reflect6 ,at lea/ ,i ?9k s2 & ,i don't ?9k tr\ble is brew+ = me aga9--?\gh t is always ! dang]6 ,i 0 v deeply mov$ by ?is1 & said some?+ ab\t be+ grateful4 ,oh1 n t1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 y don't "k :at fun x has be5 to me to tell y4 ,t's ! sort ( ?+ t ,i want to get into "o ( my novels1 b ,i c't manage x4 ,b ! moral is1 if ,i may say s3 ,be afraid ( self-pity & dignity & self-respect--don't be afraid ( happ9ess & simplicity & k9dness4 ,give y\rself away ) bo? h&s4 ,x's easy = me to talk1 because ,i h be5 load$ ) pres5ts ev] s9ce3 ! cl\ds drop fatness--a ri* b expressive image t6 ,,xxx ,,( ,,bloodsuck]s ,i'm feel+ l[ to-night1 said ,fa!r ,payne 9 answ] to a "q ab\t 8 prolong$ sil5ce4 ,i'm n myself3 virtue has gone out ( me--,i'm 9 ! clut*es ( a bloodsuck]4 ,old debts ) comp\nd int]e/8 said ,rose *e]fully4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne ) a fr[n2 old emotional ,i4,o4,u4's4 ,i didn't "k :at ,i 0 putt+ my "n to4 ,a man or a woman8 said ,rose4 ,?ank ,god1 x's a man6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,female bloodsuck]s are worse /ill4 ,a man1 at all ev5ts1 only wants ! blood2 a woman wants ! pleasure ( see+ y w9ce z well6 ,x s\nds v tragic1 said ,kaye4 ,no1 x's n tragic1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 !re w\ld be some?+ dignifi$ ab\t t6 ,x's only unutt]ably l[ & degrad+4 ,come1 ,i'll tell y ab\t x4 ,x w d me good to get x (f my *e/4 ,x is "o ( my old pupils1 ,fa!r ,payne w5t on4 ,he once got into tr\ble ab\t money1 & ,i paid 8 debts--he c't =give me t6 ,does he want y to pay "s m8 said ,rose4 ,yes1 he does1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b he wants to be high-m9d$ too4 ,he wants me to press him to take ! money1 to prevail ^u him to accept x z a fav\r4 ,he implies t if ,i hadn't begun by pay+ 8 debts orig9ally1 he w\ld n h ev] acquir$ :at he calls '! unhappy habit ( dep5d5ce4' ,( c\rse he doesn't ?9k t really3 he wants ! money1 b he also wants to feel dignifi$4 ',if ,i ?\ght x w\ld make y happi] if ,i accept$ x1' he says1 '( c\rse ,i %\ld view ! matt] diff]5tly4 ,x w\ld give me a reason = accept+ :at ,i mu/ confess w\ld be a humiliation1' ,isn't t inf]nal8 ,!n he says t ,i may p]haps ?9k t 8 tr\bles h co>s5$ him1 b t he unhappily reta9s all 8 old s5sitiv5ess4 ,!n he goes on to say t x 0 ,i :o enc\rag$ him to pres]ve a high /&>d ( delicacy 9 ^! matt]s4 ,he mu/ be a preci\s rascal1 said ,v9c5t4 ,no1 he isn't1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t's ! wor/ ( x--b he is a frantic poseur4 ,he has got s us$ to talk+ & ?9k+ ab\t 8 feel+s1 t he doesn't "k :at he really does feel4 ,t's ! "p ( x :i* bo!rs me3 because if he 0 a m]e hypocrite1 ,i w\ld say s pla9ly4 ,"o mu/ n be tak5 9 by app>5t hypocrisy4 ,x (t5 repres5ts :at a man did once really ?9k1 b :i* has become a m]e memory4 ,"o mu/ n be h>d on p's rem9isc5ces4 ,don't y "k h[ ! milde/ p are (t5 dispos$ to make out t !y 7 reckless & d>+ scapegraces at s*ool8 ,t isn't a lie2 x is imag9ation work+ on v sl5d] mat]ials4 ,we laugh$ at ?is1 & !n ,b>?rop said1 ,let me write to him1 ,fa!r4 ,i won't be (f5sive4 ,i "k y w\ldn't1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b no "o c help me4 ,x's n my fault1 b my mis=tune4 ,x all comes ( act+ = ! be/4 ,i ought to h paid 8 debts1 & made myself ?or\ghly unpleasant ab\t x4 ,:at ,i did 0 to be indulg5t & sympa!tic4 ,x's all t accurs$ s5tim5tality t does x4 ,i h be5 try+ to write a lett] to him all ! morn+1 %[+ him up to himself )\t be+ brutal4 ,b he w only write back & say t ,i h made him mis]able1 & t ,i h :olly misund]/ood him3 & !n ,i %all expla9 & apologise2 & !n he w take ! money to %[ t he =gives me4 ,i see a horrible vi/a ( correspond5ce ahead4 ,aft] f\r or five lett]s1 ,i %all n h ! remote/ idea :at x is all ab\t1 & he w be full ( reproa*es4 ,he w say t x isn't ! fir/ "t t he has f\nd h[ ! increase ( weal? makes p ung5]\s4 ,oh1 don't ,i "k e /ep ( ! way6 ,he is go+ to h ! money1 & he is go+ to put me 9 ! wrong3 t is 8 plan1 & x is go+ to come (f4 ,i %all be 9 ! wrong3 ,i feel 9 ! wrong already6 ,!n 9 t case !re is c]ta9ly no necessity = los+ ! money too6 said ,rose4 ,x's all v well = y to talk 9 t imp]sonal way1 ,rose1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,( c\rse ,i "k v well t y w\ld h&le ! situation k9dly & decisively2 b y don't "k :at x is to suff] f polit5ess l a disease4 ,i h done no?+ wrong except t ,i h be5 polite :5 ,i might h be5 dry4 ,i see "r ?r\gh ! man1 b he is absolutely imp]vi\s2 & x is my accurs$ polit5ess t makes x impossible = me to say bluntly :at ,i "k he w dislike & :at he g5u9ely w n und]/&4 ,i "k :at y are ?9k+1 e "o ( y--t ,i say lots ( ?+s t y dislike--b !n y d und]/&6 ,i c\ld no m tell ?is wret* ! tru? ?an ,i c\ld trample on a bl9d old man4 ,:at w y really d8 said ,b>?rop4 ,i %all s5d him ! money1 said ,fa!r ,payne firmly1 & ,i %all complim5t him on 8 delicacy2 & !n1 ?ank ,god1 ,i %all =get1 until x all beg9s aga94 ,i am a wret*$ old opportuni/1 ( c\rse2 a sort ( ,ally ,slop]--n fit company = /rong & concise "y m56 ,,xxxi ,,( ,,in/9cts ,i d n rememb] :at l$ to ?is rem>k ( ,fa!r ,payne's3--,x's a pa9ful fact1 f ! e?ical po9t ( view1 t qualities are m admir$1 & m beautiful inde$1 ! m in/9ctive !y are4 ,we don't admire ! faculty ( tak+ pa9s v mu*4 ,! indu/ri\s boy at s*ool is r dislik$ ?an o!rwise1 :ile ! brilliant boy :o c con/rue 8 lesson )\t le>n+ x is envi$4 ,take a virtue l c\rage3 ! love ( dang]1 ! contempt ( fe>1 ! p[] ( da%+ headlong into a ?+ )\t calculat+ ! consequ5ces is ! k9d ( c\rage we admire4 ,! p]son :o is timid & anxi\s1 & yet j manages desp]ately to screw himself up to ! /ick+-po9t1 does n get ne>ly z mu* cr$it z ! bold devil-may-c>e p]son4 ,x is s ) mo/ p]=mances2 we admire ease & rapidity mu* m ?an p]sev]ance & t5acity1 :at obvi\sly co/s little ef=t r ?an :at co/s a great deal4 ,we all r t5d to be bor$ by a display ( regul>ity & discipl9e4 ,d y rememb] t lett] ( ,keats1 :]e he confesses 8 int5se irritation at ! way 9 :i* 8 walk+ companion1 ,br[n1 ,i ?9k1 always 9 ! ev5+ got out 8 writ+-mat]ials 9 ! same ord]--fir/ ! pap]1 !n ! ink1 !n ! p54 ',i say to him1' says ,keats1 ':y n ! p5 sometimes fir/8' ,we don't l precision2 look at ! ^w ',me?odi/1' :i* orig9ally 0 a nick-"n = p ( /rictly discipl9$ life4 ,we l some?+ a little m gay & inconsequ5t4 ,yet ! p[] ( =c+ oneself by an act ( w to d some?+ unpleasant is "o ( ! f9e/ qualities 9 ! _w4 ,!re is a /ory ( a man :o became a ,bi%op4 ,he 0 a delicate & s5sitive fell[1 mu* affect$ by a cr[d1 & p>ticul>ly by ! sight ( p pass+ 9 front ( him4 ,he began 8 "w by hold+ an enorm\s confirmation1 & five times 9 ! c\rse ( x he actually _h to retire to ! ve/ry1 :]e he 0 physically sick4 ,t's a h]oic p]=mance2 b we admire /ill m a bl& & *e]ful ,bi%op :o is n sick1 b enjoys a c]emony4 ,surely t is all "r1 ,fa!r ,payne8 said ,b>?rop4 ,:5 we see a p]=mance1 we are conc]n$ ) appreciat+ ! m]it ( x4 ,a man ) a bad heada*e1 h[ev] gallant1 is n likely to talk z well z a man 9 p]fect heal? & high spirits2 b if we are n consid]+ ! p]=mance1 b ! virtues ( ! p]=m]1 we might admire ! man :o pump$ up talk :5 he 0 feel+ wret*$ m ?an ! man f :om x fl[$4 ,! judici\s ,b>?rop6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,yes1 y are "r--b = all t we d n in/9ctively admire ef=t z mu* z we admire easy brilliance4 ,we are mu* m incl9$ to imitate ! brilliant man ?an we are to imitate ! man :o has pa9fully develop$ an accompli%m5t4 ,! tru? is1 we are all ( u afraid ( ef=t2 & in/9ct is g5]ally s mu* m 9 ! "r ?an reason1 t ,i end by believ+ t x is bett] to live freely 9 our good qualities1 ?an pa9fully to conqu] our bad qualities2 n to take up "w t we c't d f a s5se ( duty1 b to take up "w t we c d f a s5se ( pleasure4 ,i believe 9 f9d+ our real life m ?an 9 /ick+ to "o t is n real = ! sake ( virtue4 ,tra9$ incl9ation is ! secret4 ,t is :y ,i %\ld nev] make a soldi]4 ,i love be+ 9 a rage--no "o m--x has all ! advantages & none ( ! disadvantages ( gett+ drunk4 ,b ,i c't d x on ! ^w ( comm&4 ,isn't t :at is call$ h$onism8 said ,le/range4 ,y mu/ n get 9 ! way ( call+ names6 said ,fa!r ,payne2 h$onism is a ^w inv5t$ by ,puritans to disc\rage ! *ildr5 ( light4 ,x is n a "q ( do+ :at y l1 b ( lik+ :at y d4 ,( c\rse ev]yone has got to *oose--y c't gratify all y\r impulses1 because !y ?w>t ea* o!r2 b if y freely gratify y\r f9] impulses1 y w h mu* less temptation to indulge y\r bas] incl9ations4 ,x is m important to h ! /eam up & to use ! brake occasionally1 ?an nev] to h ! /eam up at all4 ,,xxxii ,,( ,,humility ,we _h be5 li/5+ to a pap] by ,kaye--a beautiful & fanciful piece ( "w2 :5 he f9i%$1 ,fa!r ,payne said3 ,t's a *>m+ ?+1 ,kaye--a little /icky 9 places1 b /ill beautiful4 ,x's n s good z ,i _h hop$1 said ,kaye mildly4 ,oh1 don't be humble1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 t's ! base/ ( ! virtues1 because x vani%es ! mom5t y realise x6 ,make y\r b[ l a man4 ,x may n be z good z y hop$--no?+ ev] is--b surely x is bett] ?an y expect$8 ,kaye blu%$1 & said1 ,well1 yes1 x is4 ,n[ let me say g5]ally1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t 9 art y ought nev] to und]value y\r own "w4 ,y ought all to be able to recognise h[ f> y h done :at y int5d$4 ,! big m51 l ,t5nyson & ,morris1 7 always q prep>$ to praise _! own "w4 ,!y did x q mode/ly1 m z if "s piece ( good =tune _h befall5 !m ?an z if !y des]v$ cr$it4 ,!re's no su* ?+ z tak+ cr$it to oneself 9 art4 ,:at y try to d is always b\nd to be miles ahead ( :at y c d--t is :]e ! humility comes 94 ,b a man :o c't admire 8 own "w on occasions1 c't admire anyone's "w4 ,if y d a really good ?+1 y ought to feel z if y _h be5 digg+ = diamonds & _h f\nd a big "o4 ,hang x1 y int5d to make a f9e ?+6 ,y are n likely to be conceit$ ab\t x1 because y c't make a beautiful ?+ e day2 & ! humiliation comes 9 :51 aft] turn+ out a good ?+1 y f9d y\rself turn+ out a r[ ( bad ones4 ,! only arti/s :o are conceit$ are ^? :o c't di/+ui% betwe5 :at is good & :at is inf]ior 9 _! own "w4 ,y mu/ n expect mu* praise1 & lea/ ( all f o!r arti/s1 because no arti/ is ev] v deeply int]e/$ 9 ano!r arti/'s "w1 except 9 ! "w ( ! two or ?ree :o c d easily :at he is try+ to d4 ,b x is a deep pleasure1 :i* may be frankly enjoy$1 to turn out a f9e bit ( "w2 ?\gh y mu/ n wa/e mu* "t ov] enjoy+ x1 because y h got to g on to ! next4 ,i always ?9k x mu/ be v awful1 said ,v9c5t1 :5 x dawns ^u a man t 8 m9d is gett+ /iff & 8 faculty unc]ta91 & t he is n do+ good "w any m4 ,:at ought p to d ab\t /opp+8 ,x's v h>d to say1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,! happie/ ?+ ( all is1 ,i expect1 to die be=e t comes2 & ! next be/ ?+ is to "k :5 to /op & to want to /op4 ,b _m p get a habit ( "w1 & fall into dre>9ess )\t x4 ,isn't x bett] to g on ) ! delusion t y are j z good z ev]--l ,wordswor? & ,br[n+8 said ,rose4 ,no1 ,i don't ?9k t is bett]1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 because x means a sort ( bl9dness4 ,x is v curi\s 9 ! case ( ,br[n+1 because he le>n$ exactly h[ to d ?+s4 ,he _h 8 me?od1 he fix$ ^u an abnormal p]sonality or a curi\s incid5t1 & he turn$ x inside out ) p]fect fidelity4 ,b aft] a c]ta9 "t 9 8 life1 ! ?+ became sudd5ly heavy & un9t]e/+4 ,some?+ evaporat$--,i d n "k :at6 ,! trick is done j z deftly1 b "o is bor$2 "o simply doesn't c>e to see ! inside ( a new p]son1 h[ev] well dissect$4 ,!re's no life1 no beauty ab\t ! lat] ?+s4 ,wordswor? is someh[ diff]5t--he is always r noble & prophetic4 ,! lat] poems are n beautiful1 b !y issue f a beautiful idea--a passion ( "s k9d4 ,b ! lat] ,br[n+ poems are n passionate--!y rem9d "o ( a surgeon tuck+ up 8 sleeves = a set ( op]ations4 ,i expect t ,br[n+ 0 too humble2 he lov$ a g5tlemanly conv5tion1 & ,wordswor? c]ta9ly did n d t4 ,if y want to "k h[ a poet %\ld live1 read ,doro?y ,wordswor?'s j\rnals at ,grasm]e2 if y want to "k h[ he %\ld feel1 read ! lett]s ( ,keats4 ,,xxxiii ,,( ,,meekness ,i _h be5 hav+ "s "w look$ ov] by ,fa!r ,payne1 :o _h be5 some:at tr5*ant4 ,y h be5 beat+ a brok5 drum1 y "k1 he _h said1 ) a smile4 ,yes1 ,i said4 ,x's poor /uff1 ,i see4 ,b ,i didn't "k x 0 s bad :5 ,i wrote x2 ,i ?\ght ,i 0 mak+ ! be/ ( a poor subject r +5i\sly4 ,i am afraid ,i am r /upid4 ,if ,i ?\ght y really felt l t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i %\ld be sorry = y4 ,b ,i expect x is only y\r idea ( mode/y8 ,no1 ,i said1 x isn't mode/y--x's humility1 ,i ?9k4 ,no "o has any bus9ess to ?9k himself humble1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,! mom5t y d t1 y are conceit$4 ,x's n a virtue to grovel4 ,a man ought to "k exactly :at he is wor?4 ,y ne$n't be always say+ :at y are1 wor?1 ( c\rse4 ,x's mode/ to hold y\r tongue4 ,b humility is1 or ought to be1 ext9ct z a virtue4 ,x belongs to ! "t :5 p felt b\nd to deplore ! corruption ( _! he>t1 & to speak ( !mselves z worms1 & to comp>e !mselves despond5tly ) ,god4 ,t 9 itself is a piece ( insol5ce2 & x isn't a :olesome frame ( m9d to dwell on "o's wor?lessness1 & to speak ( "o's righte\sness z fil?y rags4 ,x removes e /imulus to ef=t4 ,if y really feel l t1 y _h bett] take to y\r b$ p]man5tly--y w d less h>m !re ?an pret5d+ to d "w 9 ! value ( :i* y don't believe4 ,b :at is ! ^w = ! feel+ :i* "o has :5 "o reads a really spl5did book1 let u say1 or he>s a p]fect piece ( music8 ,i said4 ,well1 x ought to be gratitude & admiration1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,:y mix y\rself up ) x at all8 ,because ,i c't help x1 ,i said2 ,i ?9k ( ! way 9 :i* ,i muddle on ) my writ+1 & ,i feel h[ hopeless ,i am4 ,t's all wrong1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 y ought to say to y\rself--',s t is 8 way ( putt+ ?+s &1 by ,jove1 x's sup]b4 ,n[ ,i've got to f9d my way ( putt+ ?+s6' ,y _h bett] g & "w 9 ! fields l an hone/ man1 if y don't feel y h got any?+ to say wor? say+4 ,y h y\r own po9t ( view1 y "k3 try & get x d[n on pap]4 ,x isn't exactly ! same z1 let u say1 ,%akespe>e's po9t ( view3 b if y feel t he has se5 ev]y?+ wor? see+1 & said ev]y?+ wor? say+1 !n1 ( c\rse1 x is no good go+ on4 ,b t is pure grovell+2 no lively p]son ev] does feel t--he says1 ',hang x1 he has left "s ?+s out6' ,aft] all1 ev]yone has a "r to 8 po9t ( view1 & if x c be express$1 :y1 x is wor? express+4 ,we want all ! sidelights we c get4 ,t's "o com=t6 ,i said4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b y "k p]fectly well t y knew x be=e ,i told y4 ,:y be s undignifi$8 ,y ne$ n want to a/oni% or amuse ! :ole civilis$ _w4 ,y probably won't d t2 b y c fit a bit ( ! mosaic 91 if y h x 9 y4 ,n[ look y "h6 ,i "k exactly :at ,i am wor?4 ,i c't write--?\gh ,i ?9k ,i c :5 ,i'm at x--b ,i c p]ceive1 & see :5 a ?+ is amiss1 & lay my f+] on a fault2 ,i c be ( "s use to a fell[ l y\rself--& ,i c manage an e/ate 9 my own way1 & ,i c keep my t5ants' spirits up4 ,i h got a p]fectly def9ite use 9 ! _w1 & ,i'm go+ to play my "p = all t ,i'm wor?4 ,i'm n go+ to pret5d t ,i am a worm or an outca/--,i don't feel "o2 & ,i am z sure z ,i c be ( any?+1 t ,god does n wi% me to feel "o4 ,he ne$s me2 ,he c't get on )\t me j "h2 & :5 ,he c1 ,he w say ! ^w4 ,i don't ?9k ,i am ( any f>-rea*+ significance3 b nei!r am ,i go+ to say t ,i am no?+ b vile e>? & a mis]able s9n]4 ,i'm lazy1 ,i'm cross1 ,i'm unk9d1 ,i'm gre$y3 b ,i "k :5 ,i am wa/+ "t & temp]1 & ,i don't d x all ! "t4 ,x's no use be+ abject4 ,! mi/ake is to g ab\t comp>+ y\rself ) o!r p & weigh+ y\rself aga9/ !m4 ,! "r ?+ to d is to be able to recognise g5]\sly & desir\sly :5 y see anyone do+ some?+ f9ely :i* y d badly1 & to say1 ',come1 t's ! "r way6 ,i mu/ d bett]4' ,b to be humble is to be grubby1 because x makes "o pr\d1 9 a na/y sort ( way1 ( do+ ?+s badly4 ',:at a poor creature ,i am1' says ! humble man1 '& h[ nice to "k t ,i am s poor a creature2 h[ noble & unworldly ,i am4' ,! mi/ake is to want to d a ?+ bett] ?an ,smi? or ,jones3 ! "r way is to want to d x bett] ?an y\rself4 ,yes1 ,i said1 t's p]fectly true1 ,fa!r3 & ,i won't be su* a fool aga94 ,y hav5't be5 a fool1 s f> z ,i am aw>e1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x is only t y are j a ?\ght too polite4 ,y mu/n't be polite 9 m9d1 y "k--only 9 mann]s4 ,polit5ess only consi/s 9 n say+ all y ?9k unless y are ask$4 ,b humility consi/s 9 try+ to believe t y ?9k less ?an y ?9k4 ,x's l hold+ y\r nose1 & say+ t ! bad smell has gone--x is play+ tricks ) y\r m9d3 & if y get into ! way ( do+ t1 y w f9d t y\r m9d has a na/y way ( play+ tricks ^u y4 ,"h6 hold on6 ,i am rapidly becom+ l ,*adb&6 ,s5d me ,v9c5t1 w y--!re's a good man8 ,he comes next4 ,,xxxiv ,,( ,,criticism ,fa!r ,payne _h told me t my writ+ 0 becom+ too juicy & too highly-sc5t$4 ,y mu/n't hide ! und]ly+ =m1 he said2 h pl5ty ( pla9 spaces4 ,?is sort ( writ+ is only = read]s :o want to be vaguely soo!d & made to feel com=table by a book--x's a /imulant1 x's n a food6 ,yes1 ,i said ) a sigh1 ,i suppose y are "r4 ,up to a c]ta9 po9t1 ,i am "r1 he repli$1 because y are 9 tra9+ at pres5t--& p 9 tra9+ h to d abnormal ?+s3 y c't live z if y 7 9 tra9+1 ( c\rse2 b :5 y beg9 to "w on y\r own acc\nt1 y mu/ f9d y\r own pace & y\r own mann]3 & ev5 n[ y ne$n't agree ) me unless y l4 ,i det]m9$1 h[ev]1 t ,i w\ld give him some?+ v diff]5t next "t4 ,he sugge/$ t ,i %\ld write an essay on a c]ta9 writ] ( fiction4 ,i read ! novels ) great c>e1 & ,i !n produc$ ! drie/ & mo/ te*nical criticism ,i c\ld4 ,i read x al\d to ,fa!r ,payne a mon? lat]4 ,he he>d x 9 sil5ce1 /rok+ 8 be>d ) 8 left h&1 z 8 mann] 04 ,:5 ,i _h f9i%$1 he said3 ,well1 y h tak5 my advice ) a v5geance2 & z an ex]cise--inde$1 z a t\r-de-=ce--x is good4 ,i didn't ?9k y _h x 9 y to produce su* a bit ( anatomy4 ,i ?9k x's simply ! mo/ un9t]e/+ essay ,i ev] he>d 9 my life--*ip1 *ip1 *ip1 ! :ole "t4 ,x won't d y any h>m to h writt5 x1 b1 ( c\rse1 x's a m]e c>icature4 ,no conceivable reason c\ld be assign$ = y\r writ+ x4 ,x's l ! burial ( ! dead--a%es to a%es1 du/ to du/6 ,i admit1 ,i said1 t ,i did x on purpose1 to %[ y h[ judici\s ,i c\ld be4 ,oh yes1 he said1 ,i q realise t--& t's :y ,i admire x4 ,if y _h produc$ x z a real ?+1 & n by way ( reprisal1 ,i %\ld ?9k v ill ( y\r prospects4 ,x's l ! "w ( an analytical *emi/--,i tell y :at x's l1 x's l ! diagnosis ( ! symptoms ( "s sick p]son ( rank 9 a doctor's case-book6 ,b1 ( c\rse1 y "k y mu/n't write l t1 z well z ,i d4 ,!re mu/ be "s motive = writ+1 "s t\* ( admiration & sympa?y1 some?+ y c %[ to o!r p :i* might escape !m1 & :i* is wor? :ile = !m to see4 ,9 writ+--at pres5t1 at all ev5ts--"o c't be s desp]ately sci5tific & te*nical z all t4 ,i suppose t "s day1 :5 we treat human ?\ght & psy*ology sci5tifically1 we %all h to dissect l t2 b ev5 s1 x w be 9 ! int]e/s ( sci5ce1 n 9 ! int]e/s ( lit]ature4 ,"o mu/ n confuse ! two1 & no d\bt1 :5 we beg9 to analyse ! developm5t ( human ?\ght1 its h]$ity1 its g5esis & gr[?1 we %all h a ,%elley-culture 9 a te/-tube1 & we %all be able to isolate a ,br[n+-g]m3 b we hav5't got !re yet4 ,9 t case1 ,i said1 ,i don't really see :at 0 s wrong ) my la/ essay4 ,:y1 x 0 a m]e extemporisation1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 a phrase sugge/$ a phrase1 a ^w evok$ a lot ( o!r words--!re 0 no real connection ( ?\ght4 ,x 0 pretty en\gh1 b y 7 n ev5 rov+ f "o place to ano!r1 y 7 j drift+ ) ! /ream4 ,n[ ?is la/ essay is purely bus9ess-l4 ,y h analys$ ! po9ts--b !re's no beauty or pleasure 9 x4 ,x is simply :at an eng9e] might say to an eng9e] ab\t ! build+ ( a bridge4 ,m9d1 ,i am n f9d+ fault ) y\r essay4 ,y did :at y set out to d1 & y h done x well4 ,i only say !re is n any conceivable reason :y x %\ld h be5 writt51 & !re is e conceivable reason :y x %\ld n be read4 ,x 0 j an attempt1 ,i said1 to see ! po9ts & to dis5tangle !m4 ,yes1 yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ,i see t1 & ,i give y full cr$it = x4 ,b1 aft] all1 y mu/ look on writ+ z a species ( human communication4 ,! "o reason = writ+ is t ! writ] sees some?+ :i* o!r p ov]look1 p]ceives ! beauty & int]e/ ( x1 gets beh9d x1 sees ! quality ( x1 & h[ x diff]s f o!r simil> ?+s4 ,if ! writ] is wor? any?+1 8 subject mu/ be s int]e/+ or curi\s or beautiful to himself t he c't help sett+ x d[n4 ,! motive ( x all mu/ be ! fact t he is int]e/$--n ! hope ( int]e/+ o!r p4 ,y mu/ risk t1 ?\gh ! m y are int]e/$1 ! bett] is y\r *ance ( int]e/+ o!rs4 ,!n ! next po9t is t ?+s mu/n't be pres5t$ 9 a cold & ab/ract light--y h done t "h--x mu/ be done z y see x1 n z a photographic plate records x3 & t is :]e ! p]sonality ( ! arti/ comes 91 & :]e writ]s are h&icapp$1 accord+ z !y h or h n a p]sonal *>m4 ,t is ! unsolv$ my/]y ( writ+--! p]sonal *>m3 ap>t f t !re is little 9 x4 ,a man may see a ?+ ) hide\s di/9ctness1 b he may n be able to inve/ x ) *>m3 & ! dang] ( *>m is t "s p c inve/ v %all[1 muddl$1 & %abby ?9k+ ) a sort ( *>m4 ,x is l a cloak1 if ,i may say s4 ,if ,i we> an old cloak1 x looks %abby & disgraceful1 z x is4 ,b if ,i l5d x to a %apely & well-made fri5d1 x gets a beauty f ! we>]4 ,!re are m5 ,i "k :o c tell me a /ory z old z ! hills1 & yet make x fre% & attractive4 ,look at t delici\s f>rago ( nons5se & absurdity1 ,rusk9's ,=s ,clavig]a4 ,he cramm$ 9 any?+ t came into 8 head--8 rem9isc5ces1 scraps out ( old dre>y books he _h read1 p>agraphs snipp$ out ( ! pap]s4 ,!re's no ord]1 no sequ5ce ab\t x1 & yet x is irresi/ible4 ,b !n ,rusk9 _h ! *>m1 & manag$ to p\r x into all t he wrote4 ,he is always !re1 t :imsical1 g5]\s1 p]v]se1 affectionate1 afflict$1 pa!tic creature1 ev5 9 ! smalle/ scrap ( a lett] or ! dre>ie/ old tag ( quotation4 ,b y & ,i c't play tricks l t4 ,y are sometimes !re1 ,i confess1 9 :at y write1 :ile ,i am nev] !re 9 any?+ t ,i write4 ,:at ,i want to tea* y to d is to be really y\rself 9 all t y write4 ,b isn't x apt to be v tiresome1 said ,i1 if ! writ] is always obtrud+ himself8 ,yes1 if he obtrudes himself1 ( c\rse he is tiresome1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b look at ,rusk9 aga94 ,i imag9e1 f all t ,i read ab\t him1 t if he 0 pres5t at a ga!r+1 he 0 ! "o p]son :om ev]yone want$ to he>4 ,if he 0 sulky or sil5t1 x 0 ev]yone's conc]n to smoo! him d[n--if only he w\ld talk4 ,:at y mu/ le>n to d is to give exactly z mu* ( y\rself z p want4 ,b x mu/ be a transfusion ( y\rself1 n a pres5tm5t1 ,i don't imag9e t ,rusk9 always talk$ ab\t himself--he talk$ ab\t :at int]e/$ him1 & because he saw five times z mu* z anyone else saw 9 a picture1 & ab\t ?ree times z mu* z 0 ev] !re1 x 0 fasc9at+3 b ! prim>y *>m 0 9 ,rusk9 himself4 ,don't y "k ! curi\s delight ( see+ a h\se once inhabit$ by anyone :om "o has mu* admir$ & lov$8 ,h[ev] dull & commonplace x is1 y keep on say+ to y\rself1 ',t 0 :at 8 eyes re/$ on1 ^? 7 ! books he h&l$2 h[ c\ld he be> to h su* curta9s1 h[ c\ld he endure t wallpap]8' ,! mo/ hide\s ?+s become int]e/+1 because he tol]at$ !m4 ,9 writ+1 all dep5ds ^u h[ mu* ( :at is int]e/+1 orig9al1 emphatic1 *>m+ 9 y\rself y c communicate to :at y are writ+4 ,x has got to live2 t is ! secret ( ! commonplace & ev5 absurd books :i* review]s treat ) contempt1 & read]s buy 9 ?\s&s4 ,!y h life6 ,b t is v f> f be+ art1 isn't x8 ,i said4 ,( c\rse6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ! use ( art1 z ,i und]/& x1 is j t--t all y pres5t %all h life1 & t y %\ld le>n n to pres5t :at has n got life4 ,:y ,i object$ to y\r la/ essay 0 because y 7 n alive 9 x3 y 7 j e*o+ & repeat+ ?+s3 y seem$ to me to be talk+ 9 y\r sleep4 ,:y ,i object to ?is essay is t y are too wide awake--y are j talk+ %op4 ,i confess ,i r despair1 ,i said4 ,:at rubbi%6 said ,fa!r ,payne2 all ,i want y to d is to live 9 y\r ideas--make !m y\r own1 don't j slop !m d[n )\t hav+ und]/ood or felt !m4 ,i'll tell y :at y %all d next4 ,y %all j put aside all ?is dre>y collection ( =mulae & scalpel-"w1 & y %all write me an essay on ! :ole subject1 say+ ! be/ t y feel ab\t x all1 n ! wor/ t a /iff intellig5ce c extract f x4 ,don't be petti% ab\t x6 ,i assure y ,i respect y\r tal5t v mu*4 ,i didn't ?9k x 0 9 y to produce any?+ s loa?somely judici\s4 ,,xxxv ,,( ,,! ,,s5se ,,( ,,beauty ,!re _h be5 "s vague e?ical discussion dur+ d9n] 9 :i* ,fa!r ,payne _h n int]v5$2 b he sudd5ly jo9$ 9 briskly1 ?\gh ,i don't rememb] :o or :at /ruck ! sp>k out4 ,y are runn+ logic too h>d1 he said2 ! difficulty ) all morality is n to "k :]e x is to beg91 b :]e x is to /op4 ,i didn't "k x _h to /op1 said ,v9c5t2 ,i ?\ght x _h to g on4 ,yes1 b n z morality1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 z in/9ct & feel+--only v elem5t>y p inde$ obey rules1 because !y are rules4 ,! righte\s man obeys !m because on ! :ole he agrees ) !m4 ,b 9 "o s5se x isn't possible to be too good8 said ,v9c5t4 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 n if y are sure :at good is--b x is q easy to be too righte\s1 to h too _m rules & scruples--n to live y\r own life at all1 b an anxi\s1 timid1 brok5-w+$ sort ( life1 l "s ( ! fe>ful sa9ts 9 ! ,pilgrim's ,progress1 :o got no fun out ( ! bus9ess at all4 ,don't y rememb] :at ,mr4 ,feeblem9d says8 ,i c't quote--x's a glori\s passage4 ,b>?rop slipp$ out & fet*$ a ,pilgrim's ,progress1 :i* he put ov] ,fa!r ,payne's %\ld]4 ,?ank y1 old man1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t's v k9d ( y--t is morality translat$ into feel+6 ,he turn$ ov] ! pages1 & read ! bit 9 8 resonant voice3 ',i am1 z ,i said1 a man ( a weak & feeble m9d1 & %all be (f5d$ & made weak at t :i* o!rs c be>4 ,i %all l no ,laugh+3 ,i %all l no gay ,attire3 ,i %all l no unpr(itable ,que/ions4 ,nay1 ,i am s weak a man1 z to be (f5d$ ) t :i* o!rs h a lib]ty to d4 ,i d n "k all ! tru?3 ,i am a v ignorant ,*ri/ian man2 sometimes1 if ,i he> "s rejoice 9 ! ,"l1 x tr\bles me1 because ,i _c d s too4' ,!re1 he said1 t's v good writ+1 y "k--full ( fre%ness--b y are n meant to admire ! poor s\l3 t's n ! way to g on pilgrimage6 ,!re is some?+ wrong ) a man's religion1 if x leaves him 9 t /ate4 ,i don't mean t to be happy is always a sign ( grace--x (t5 is simply a lack ( sympa?y & imag9ation2 b to be z good z ,mr4 ,feeblem9d1 & at ! same "t z unhappy1 is a cle> sign t some?+ is wrong4 ,he is l a dog t w try to get ?r\gh a n>r[ gap ) a /ick 9 8 m\?--he c't make out :y he c't d 8 duty & br+ ! /ick--x cat*es on bo? sides1 & won't let him ?r\gh4 ,he kn[s x is 8 bus9ess to br+ ! ?+ back at once1 b he is prev5t$ 9 "s my/]i\s way4 ,x doesn't occur to him to put ! /ick d[n1 get ?r\gh himself1 & !n pull x ?r\gh by ! end4 ,t is :y our duty is (t5 s h>d1 because we ?9k we ought to d x simply & directly1 :5 x really wants a little adju/+--we reg>d ! mom5t>y precept1 n ! ultimate pr9ciple4 ,b :at is to tell u :]e to draw ! l9e1 said ,v9c5t1 & :5 to disreg>d ! precept8 ,ah1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t's my great discov]y1 :i* no "o else w ev] recognise--t is :]e ! s5se ( beauty comes 96 ,i don't see t ! s5se ( beauty has any?+ to d ) morality1 said ,v9c5t4 ,ah1 b t is because y are at he>t a ,puritan1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 & ! mi/ake ( all ,puritans is to disreg>d ! s5se ( beauty--all ! really great sa9ts h felt ab\t morality z an arti/ feels ab\t beauty4 ,!y don't d good ?+s because !y are told to d !m1 b because !y feel !m to be beautiful1 spl5did1 attractive2 & !y avoid hav+ any?+ to d ) evil ?+s1 because su* ?+s are ugly & repell5t4 ,b :5 y h to d a ?or\ghly disagreeable ?+1 said ,v9c5t1 !re (t5 isn't any?+ beautiful ab\t x ei!r way4 ,i'll give y a small in/ance4 ,"s mon?s ago ,i _h be5 engag$ = a =tnight to g to a ?or\ghly dull d9n]-p>ty ) "s dre>y relations ( m9e1 & a man ask$ me to come & d9e at 8 club & meet ,george ,m]$i?1 :om ,i w\ld h giv5 simply any?+ to meet4 ,( c\rse ,i c\ldn't d x--,i _h to g on ) ! o!r ?+4 ,i _h to d :at ,i hat$1 )\t ! smalle/ hope ( be+ any?+ b fe>fully bor$3 & ,i _h to give up do+ :at w\ld h int]e/$ me m ?an any?+ 9 ! _w4 ,( c\rse1 t is only a small in/ance1 b x w suffice4 ,x all dep5ds on h[ y behav$ at y\r d9n]-p>ty :5 y got !re1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+2 7 y sulky & cross1 or 7 y civil & dec5t8 ,i don't "k1 said ,v9c5t2 ,i expect ,i 0 pretty mu* z usual4 ,aft] all1 x wasn't _! fault6 ,y are all "r1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 y h got ! s5se ( beauty "r en\gh1 ?\gh y probably call x by "s uncom=table "n4 ,i won't make y blu% by prais+ y1 b ,i give y a good m>k = ! :ole affair4 ,if y _h excus$ y\rself1 or ask$ to be let (f1 or told a lie1 x w\ld h be5 ugly4 ,:at y did 0 9 ! be/ ta/e3 & t is :at ,i mean4 ,! ugly ?+ is to clut* & hold on4 ,y did m = y\rself by be+ polite & hone/ ?an ev5 ,george ,m]$i? c\ld h done = y4 ,:at ,i mean by ! s5se ( beauty1 z appli$ to morality1 is t a man mu/ be a g5tleman fir/1 & a morali/ aft]w>ds1 if he c4 ,x is grabb+ at y\r own s5se ( righte\sness1 if y use x to hurt o!r p4 ,y\r own complac5cy ( consci5ce is n z important z ! duty ( n mak+ o!r p uncom=table4 ,( c\rse !re are occasions :5 x is "r to /& up to a moral bully1 & !n y may g = him = all y are wor?3 b ^! cases are r>e2 & :at y mu/ n d is to get into ! way ( a sort ( moral skirmi%+4 ,9 ord9>y life1 p draw _! l9es 9 slightly diff]5t places accord+ to pref]5ce3 y mu/ all[ = temp]am5t4 ,y mu/n't int]f]e ) o!r p's codes1 unless y are prep>$ to be int]f]$ )4 ,x is impossible to be sev]ely logical4 ,take a ?+ l ! use ( money3 x is good to be g5]\s1 b y mu/n't give away :at y c't af=d1 because !n y\r fri5ds h to pay y\r bills4 ,:at ev]yone ne$s is some?+ to tell him :5 he mu/ beg9 practis+ a virtue1 & :5 to /op practis+ x4 ,y may say t common s5se does t4 ,well1 ,i don't ?9k x does6 ,i "k s5sible p :o d v brutal ?+s3 !re mu/ be some?+ f9] ?an common s5se3 x mu/ be a mixture ( s5se & sympa?y & imag9ation1 & delicacy & hum\r & tact--& ,i c't f9d a bett] way ( express+ x ?an to call x a s5se ( beauty1 a faculty ( judg+1 9 a f9e1 sweet-temp]$1 g5tle1 quiet way1 ) a sort ( in/9ctive presci5ce z to :]e ! ripples ( :at y d & say w spread to1 & :at sort ( effect !y w produce4 ,t's ! "r sort ( virtue--attractive virtue--:i* makes o!r p wi% to behave likewise4 ,i don't say t a man :o lives l t c avoid suff]+3 he suff]s a good deal1 because he sees ugly ?+s go+ on all ab\t him2 b he doesn't cause suff]+--unless he int5ds to--& ev5 s he doesn't l do+ x4 ,he is nev] spiteful or jeal\s4 ,he (t5 makes mi/akes1 b he recognises !m4 ,he doesn't erect b>ri]s betwe5 himself & o!r p4 ,he isn't always exactly popul>1 because _m p hate sup]iority :5ev] !y see x3 b he is tru/$ & lov$ & ev5 tak5 advantage (1 because he doesn't g 9 = reprisals4 ,b if y hav5't got ?is s5se ( beauty1 said ,v9c5t1 h[ are y to get x8 ,by admir+ x1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i don't say t ! p :o h got x are consci\s ( x--9 fact !y are g5]ally q unconsci\s ( x4 ,d y rememb] :at ,%elley--:o 01 ,i ?9k1 "o ( ! p :o _h ! s5se ( beauty z /rongly z anyone :o ev] liv$--:at he said to ,hogg1 :5 ,hogg told him h[ he _h %ut up an imp]t95t "y ruffian8 ',i wi% ,i c\ld be z exclusive z y are1' said ,%elley ) a sigh1 feel+1 no d\bt1 a s5se ( real failure--'b ,i _c6' ,%elley's weakness 0 a mu* f9] ?+ ?an ,hogg's /r5g?4 ,i don't say t ,%elley 0 p]fect3 8 imag9ation ran away ) him to an ext5t t may be call$ untru?ful2 he idealis$ p1 & !n ?rew !m ov] :5 he discov]$ !m to be futile2 b t is ! "r k9d ( mi/ake to make3 ! wrong k9d ( mi/ake is to see p too cle>ly1 & to take = grant$ t !y are n z delightful z !y seem4 ,y mean t if "o mu/ *oose1 said ,v9c5t1 x is bett] to be a fool ?an a knave4 ,:y1 ( c\rse1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b don't call x 'a fool'--call x 'a *ild'3 t's ! k9d ( beauty ,i mean1 ! unsuspici\s1 guileless1 tru/ful1 affectionate temp]--t to beg9 )3 & y mu/ le>n1 z y g on1 a quality :i* ! *ild has n always got--a s5se ( hum\r4 ,t is :at exp]i5ce ought to give y--a p[]1 t is1 ( see+ :at is really !re1 & ( be+ m amus$ ?an %ock$ by x4 ,t helps y to di/+ui% real knavi%ness f *ildi% faults4 ,a great _m ( ! absurd1 p]v]se1 unk9d1 unpleasant ?+s :i* p d are n knavi% at all--!y are silly1 selfi% little diplomacies1 guileless ob$i5ce to conv5tions1 unreasonable def]5ce to imag9>y au?ority4 ,p don't mean any h>m by su* tricks--!y are ! subt]fuges ( weakness3 b :5 y come ^u real cynical delib]ate knavi%ness--t is diff]5t4 ,!re's no?+ amus+ ab\t t4 ,b y mu/ be indulg5t to weakness1 & only sev]e ) /r5g?4 ,i'm gett+ a little confus$1 said ,v9c5t4 ,n z mu* z ,i am1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ,i don't "k :]e ,i h got to1 ,i am sure4 ,i seem to h *ang$ h>es6 ,b "o ?+ does em]ge1 & t is1 t a sort ( inspir$ good ta/e is ! only ?+ :i* c regulate morals4 ,! root ( all morals is ultimately beauty4 ,:y are we n all z gre$y & dirty z ! old cave-m58 ,= ! simple reason t some?+1 = :i* he 0 n responsible1 began to "w 9 ! caveman's m9d4 ,he said to himself1 ',?is is n ! way to behave3 x w\ld be nic] n to h kill$ ,m>y :5 ,i 0 angry4' ,& !n1 :5 t impulse is once />t$1 human be+s g too fa/1 & want to c>ry out _! new discov]ies ( rules & pr9ciples too f>3 & y mu/ h a regulat+ =ce3 & if y c f9d a bett] =ce ?an ! in/9ct = :at is beautiful1 tell me1 & ,i'll und]take to talk = at lea/ z long ab\t x4 ,i mu/ /op6 ,my s5se ( beauty w>ns me t ,i am becom+ a bore4 ,,xxxvi ,,( ,,biography ,fa!r ,payne broke out sudd5ly aft] d9n] to two or ?ree ( u ab\t a book he _h be5 read+4 ,x's call$ a ,life1 he said1 at ! top ( e page almo/4 ,i don't wond] ! au?or felt x necess>y to rem9d y--or p]haps he 0 rem9d+ himself8 ,i c see him1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 say+ to himself ) a rueful expression1 ',?is is a ,life1 und\bt$ly6' ,:y1 ! waxworks ( ,madame ,tussaud are models ( vivacity & agility comp>$ to x4 ,i nev] set eyes on su* a book6 ,:y on e>? did y g on read+ x8 said ,i4 ,well may y ask6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x's "o ( my weaknesses2 if ,i beg9 a book1 ,i c put x d[n if x is mod]ately good2 b if x is ei!r v good or v bad1 ,i c't get out ( x--,i feel l a wasp 9 a honey-pot4 ,i make fa9t /icky motions ( flight--b on ,i g4 ,^: life 0 x8 ,i said1 laugh+4 ,i h>dly "k1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x leaves on my m9d ! impression ( 8 hav+ be5 a dec5t old p>ty en\gh4 ,i ?9k he mu/ h be5 a g5]al m]*ant--he seems to h _h pretty ne>ly ev]y?+ on h&4 ,he wrote books1 ,i ga!r2 & ,fa!r ,payne groan$4 ,:at 7 !y ab\t8 ,i said4 ,i don't "k1 ,i'm sure1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,hi/ory & /uff--lit]>y essays1 & p's influ5ce1 p]haps4 ,he w5t 9 = acc\nt+ = ?+s1 ,i fancy1 & expla9+ ?+s away4 ,!re 7 extracts :i* ali5at$ my att5tion fa/] ?an any extracts ,i ev] read4 ,i c\ld n keep my m9d on !m4 ,god pres]ve me f ev] fall+ 9 ) any ( 8 books2 ,i %\ld sp5d days 9 read+ !m6 ,he travell$ too--he 0 always travell+4 ,:y c\ldn't he leave ,europe alone8 ,he has left 8 trail all ov] ,europe1 l a snail4 ,he has defil$ all ! f9e/ sc5]y on ! ,cont95t4 ,b1 by ,jove1 he met 8 mat* 9 8 biograph]2 he has be5 acc\nt$ = all "r4 ,& yet ,i feel t x 0 r h>d on him4 ,if he c\ld h held 8 tongue ab\t ?+s 9 g5]al1 & if 8 biograph] c\ld h held 8 tongue ab\t him1 x w\ld h be5 all "r4 ,he did no h>m1 s f> z ,i c make out--he 0 hone/ & upright2 he w\ld h done v well z a tru/ee4 ,fa!r ,payne /opp$1 & look$ r\nd ) a melan*oly air4 ,i h ga!r$1 he said1 aft] sev]al h\rs' read+1 ?ree int]e/+ facts ab\t him4 ,! fir/ is t he wore r l\d *ecks--,i lik$ t--,i detect$ a t\* ( vanity 9 t4 ,! second is t he 0 fond ( quot+ poetry1 & ! mom5t he did s1 8 voice became :olly inaudible f emotion--t's a good t\*4 ,& ! ?ird is t1 if he _h a gue/ /ay+ ) him1 he us$ to talk cont9u\sly 9 ! smok+-room1 light 8 c&le1 g on talk+1 walk away talk+--by ,jove1 ,i c he> him do+ x--all up ! /airs1 along ! passage to 8 b$room--talk1 talk1 talk--9 !y w5t--!n he us$ to beg9 to undress--no escape--,i c he> 8 voice muffl$ z he pull$ (f 8 %irt--(f w5t 8 socks--talk+ /ill--!n he w\ld actually get into b$--m explanations1 m quotations1 ,i wond] h[ ! gue/ got away2 t isn't relat$--9 ! int]vals ( an inaudible quotation1 p]haps8 ,:at d y ?9k8 ,we explod$ 9 laught]1 9 :i* ,fa!r ,payne jo9$4 ,!n he said3 ,b look "h1 y "k1 x's n really a joke--x's horribly s]i\s6 ,a man ought really to be prosecut$ = writ+ su* a book4 ,t is ! wor/ ( ,engli% p1 t !y h no idea :o des]ves a biography & :o does n4 ,x isn't en\gh to be a ri* man1 or a public man1 or a man ( virtue4 ,no "o ought to be writt5 ab\t1 simply because he has done ?+s4 ,he mu/ be cont5t ) t4 ,no "o %\ld h a biography unless he 0 ei!r beautiful or picturesque or absurd1 j z no "o %\ld h a portrait pa9t$ unless he is "o ( ! ?ree4 ,n[ ?is poor fell[--,i d>esay !re 7 p :o lov$ him--?9k :at _! feel+s mu/ be at see+ him /uff$ & set up l ?is6 ,a biography mu/ be a "w ( art--x ought n to be a po/-dat$ te/imonial6 ,mo/ ( u are only fit1 :5 we h f9i%$ our "w1 to g /raight into ! wa/e-pap] basket4 ,! p :o des]ve biographies are ! vivid1 ri*1 animat$ natures :o liv$ life ) ze/ & int]e/4 ,!re are a good _m su* m51 :o c say vigor\s1 %rewd1 lively1 fre% ?+s 9 talk1 b :o _c express !mselves 9 writ+4 ,! curse ( mo/ biographies is ! lett]s2 n _m p c write good lett]s1 & yet x becomes a sacr$ duty to pad a ,life out ) dull & /odgy docum5ts2 x is all s utt]ly in>ti/ic & decor\s & /upid4 ,a biography ought to be well season$ ) faults & foibles4 ,t is ! "o enc\rag+ ?+ ab\t life1 t a man c h pl5ty ( fail+s & /ill make a f9e bus9ess out ( x all4 ,yet x is reg>d$ z almo/ trea*]\s to h9t at imp]fections4 ,n[ if ,i _h _h our fri5d ! g5]al m]*ant to biographise1 ,i w\ld h tak5 c>eful notes ( 8 talk :ile undress+--!re's some?+ picturesque ab\t t6 ,i w\ld h told h[ he sp5t 8 day1 h[ he look$ & mov$1 ate & drank4 ,a real portrait ( an un9t]e/+ man might be q a treasure4 ,yes1 b y "k x w\ldn't d1 said ,b>?rop2 8 fri5ds w\ld be out at y l a sw>m ( wasps4 ,oh1 ,i "k t1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x is all ?is inf]nal s5tim5tality :i* spoils ev]y?+2 z long z we ?9k ( ! dead z eld]ly angels hov]+ ov] u :ile we pray1 !re is no?+ to be done4 ,if we really believe t we migrate out ( life into an atmosph]e ( mild piety1 & lose all our individuality at once1 !n1 ( c\rse1 ! less said ! bett]4 ,z long z we hold t1 !n dea? mu/ rema9 z ! wor/ ( cata/rophes = ev]yone conc]n$4 ,! result ( x all is t a bad biography is ! wor/ ( books1 because x qu5*es our int]e/ 9 life1 & makes life insupportably dull4 ,! fir/ po9t is t ! biograph] is inf9itely m important ?an 8 subject4 ,look :at an en*ant+ book ,c>lyle made out ( ! ,life ( ,/]l+4 ,/]l+ 0 a man ( real *>m :o c\ld only talk4 ,he c\ldn't write a l9e4 ,8 writ+s are pitiful4 ,c>lyle put !m all aside ) a delici\s irony2 & yet he manag$ to depict a swift1 re/less1 delicate1 radiant creature1 :om "o loves & admires4 ,x is "o ( ! lovelie/ books ev] writt54 ,b1 on ! o!r h&1 !re are hundr$s ( f9e creatures :o h be5 hopelessly buri$ = ev] & ev] "u _! biographies--! sepul*re made sure1 ! /one seal$1 & ! wat* set4 ,b !re are "s good biographies8 said ,b>?rop4 ,ab\t a doz51 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i won't give a li/ ( !m1 or ,i %\ld become l our fri5d ! m]*ant4 ,i feel x com+ on1 by ,jove--,i feel l acc\nt+ = ?+s & talk+ y all up to my b$room4 ,b :at c be done ab\t x all8 ,i said4 ,no?+ :atev]1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 z long z p are n really int]e/$ 9 life1 b 9 money & committees1 !re is no?+ to be done4 ,& z long z !y hold ?+s sacr$1 :i* means a /rong dislike ( ! pla9 tru?1 x's hopeless4 ,if a man is prep>$ to write a really v]aci\s biography1 he mu/ also be prep>$ to fly = 8 life & to *ange 8 "n4 ,public op9ion is = s5tim5t & aga9/ tru?2 & y mu/ *ange public op9ion4 ,b1 oh de> me1 :5 ,i ?9k ( ! fasc9ation ( real p]sonality1 & ! wa/e ( good mat]ial1 & ! c>eful way 9 :i* ! pi\s biograph] /ra9s out all ! meat & leaves no?+ b a ?9 & wat]y decoction1 ,i c\ld weep ov] ! futility ( mank9d4 ,! dread ( be+ int]e/+ or natural1 ! adoration ( pomposity & full dress1 ! sick5+ love ( romance1 ! hatr$ ( reality--oh1 x's a deplorable _w6 ,,xxxvii ,,( ,,possessions ,i wond]1 said ,fa!r ,payne "o day at d9n]1 :e!r any nation's prov]bs are su* a disgrace to !m z our national prov]bs are to u4 ,ours are horribly ,anglo-,saxon & *>act]i/ic4 ,!y seem to me to h be5 all inv5t$ by a %rewd1 selfi%1 complac5t1 suspici\s old f>m]1 9 a v small way ( bus9ess1 det]m9$ t he w n be ov]-rea*$1 & equally det]m9$1 too1 t he w take full advantage ( ! weakness ( o!rs4 ',*>ity beg9s at home1' ',possession is n9e po9ts ( ! law1' ',don't c\nt y\r *ick5s be=e !y are hat*$1' ',:5 pov]ty comes 9 at ! door1 love flies out ( ! w9d[4' ,!y are all equally disgraceful4 ,!y d]ide all emotion1 !y despise imag9ation1 !y are unutt]ably l[ & h>d1 & :at is call$ s5sible2 !y are frankly un*ri/ian z well z ung5tlemanly4 ,no wond] we are call$ a nation ( %opkeep]s4 ,b ar5't we a great deal bett] ?an our prov]bs8 said ,b>?rop3 d !y really express any?+ m ?an a contempt = weakness & s5tim5t8 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ,i don't l !m any bett] = t4 ,:y %\ld we be a%am$ ( all our bett] feel+s8 ,i admit t we h a s5se ( ju/ice2 b t only means t we c>e = mat]ial possessions s mu* t we are afraid n to admit t o!rs h ! "r to d ! same4 ,! real ob/acle to socialism 9 ,engl& is ! s5se ( sanctity ab\t a man's sav+s4 ,! mom5t t a man has sav$ a few p\nds1 he agrees to any legislation t all[s him to hold on to !m4 ,b ar5't we1 beh9d all t1 said ,b>?rop1 an int5sely s5tim5tal nation8 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b t's a fault really--we don't believe 9 real ju/ice1 only 9 picturesque ju/ice4 ,we are hopeless individuali/s4 ,we melt into te>s ov] a *ild t is lo/1 or a dog t h[ls2 & we let all sorts ( evil sy/ems & arrangem5ts gr[ & fl\ri%4 ,we c't ?9k algebraically1 only ari?metically4 ,we c be k9d to a s+le case ( h>d%ip2 we c't take 9 a widespread sy/em ( oppression4 ,we are improv+ some:at2 b x is always ! p>ticul> case t affects u1 & n ! g5]al pr9ciple4 ,b to g back to our s5se ( possession1 ,i said1 is t really mu* m ?an a matt] ( climate8 ,does x mean m ?an ?is1 t we1 9 a temp]ate climate incl9+ to cold1 ne$ m elaborate h\ses & m heat-produc+ food ?an nations :o live 9 w>m] climates8 ,are n ! nations :o live 9 w>m] climates less atta*$ to mat]ial ?+s simply because !y are less important8 ,!re is some?+ 9 t1 no d\bt1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,( c\rse1 :]e nature is m ho/ile to life1 m5 w h to "w long] h\rs to support life ?an :]e '! spicy breezes bl[ s(t o'er ,ceylon's isle4' ,b x isn't t ( :i* ,i compla9--x is ! awful s5se ( respectability atta*+ to possessions1 ! hide\s way 9 :i* we fill our h\ses ) ?+s :i* we d n want or use1 j because !y are a symbol ( respectability4 ,we l ho>d+1 & we l luxuries1 n because we enjoy !m1 b because we l o!r p to "k t we c pay = !m4 ,i d n imag9e t !re is any nation 9 ! _w ^: hospitality diff]s s mu* f ! mode 9 :i* p actually live z ours does4 ,9 a s5sible society1 if we want$ to see our fri5ds1 we %\ld ask !m to br+ _! cold mutton r\nd1 & h a picnic4 ,:at we d actually d is to h a meal :i* we c't af=d1 & :i* our gue/s "k is n 9 ! lea/ l our ord9>y meals2 & !n we expect to be ask$ back to a simil>ly o/5tati\s banquet4 ,b isn't !re some?+1 said ,b>?rop1 9 ,dr4 ,johnson's dictum1 t a meal 0 good en\gh to eat1 b n good en\gh to ask a man to8 ,isn't x a good impulse to put y\r be/ be=e a gue/8 ,oh1 no d\bt1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b !re's a want ( simplicity ab\t x if y only want to ent]ta9 p 9 ord] t !y may see y d x1 & n because y want to see !m4 ,x's vulg>1 someh[--t's :at ,i suspect our nation ( be+4 ,our inability to speak frankly ( money is ano!r sign4 ,we d money too mu* hon\r by be+ s retic5t ab\t x4 ,! fact is t x is ! "o sacr$ subject among u4 ,p are retic5t ab\t religion & books & art1 because !y are n sure t o!r p are int]e/$ 9 !m4 ,b !y are retic5t ab\t money z a matt] ( duty1 because !y are sure t ev]yone is deeply int]e/$4 ,p talk ab\t money ) nods & w9ks & h9ts--^? are all ! signs ( a sacr$ my/]y6 ,well1 ,i wond]1 said ,b>?rop1 :e!r we are z base z y seem to ?9k6 ,i w tell y :5 ,i w *ange my m9d1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 all ! talk ( noble aims & /rong purposes w n deceive me4 ,:at w\ld conv]t me w\ld be if ,i saw g5]\s giv+ a cu/om s common t x h>dly excit$ rem>k4 ,y see a few g5]\s wills--b ev5 !n a w :i* leaves money to public purposes is g5]ally comm5t$ ^u2 & x almo/ always means1 too1 if y look into x1 t a man has _h no ne> relations1 & t he has /uck to 8 money & ! p[] x gives him dur+ 8 life4 ,if ,i c\ld see a few cases ( m5 impov]i%+ !mselves & _! families 9 _! lifetime = public objects2 if ,i saw evid5ce ( m5 :o h heap$ up weal? cont5t to let _! *ildr5 />t aga9 9 ! race1 & det]m9$ to support ! ,/ate r ?an ! family2 if ,i c\ld he> ( a ri* man's *ildr5 besee*+ _! fa!r to end[ ! ,/ate r ?an !mselves1 & be+ ready to "w = a livelihood r ?an to receive an inh]it$ =tune2 if ,i c\ld he> ( a few ri* m5 liv+ simply & h&+ out _! money = g5]al purposes1--!n ,i w\ld believe6 ,b none ( ^! ?+s is any?+ b a r>e exception2 a man :o gives away 8 =tune1 z ,rusk9 did1 9 great h&fuls1 is g5]ally ?\ght to be slightly crazy2 &1 speak+ frankly1 ! wor? ( a man seems to dep5d n ^u :at he has giv5 to ! _w1 b ^u :at he has ga9$ f ! _w4 ,y may say x is a r\gh te/2--s x is6 ,b :5 we beg9 to feel t a man is fooli% 9 ho>d+ & wise 9 lavi%+1 in/ead ( be+ fooli% 9 lavi%+ & wise 9 ho>d+1 !n1 & n till !n1 %all ,i believe t we are a truly great nation4 ,at pres5t ! man :om we hon\r mo/ is ! man :o has be5 g5]\s to public necessities1 & has yet reta9$ a l>ge =tune = himself4 ,t is ! comb9ation :i* we are n a%am$ to admire4 ,,xxxviii ,,( ,,lonel9ess ,we 7 walk+ toge!r1 ,fa!r ,payne & ,i4 ,x 0 9 ! e>ly summ]--a /ill1 hot day4 ,! place1 z ,i rememb] x1 0 v beautiful4 ,we cross$ ! /ream by a little foot-bridge1 & took a bypa? across ! mead[s2 up ! slope y came to a beautiful bit ( old =e/ c\ntry1 ! trees ( all ages1 "s ( !m v anci5t2 !re 7 op5 glades runn+ into ! he>t ( ! woodl&1 ) ?orn ?ickets & /ret*es ( brack54 ,hidd5 away 9 ! dep? ( ! woods1 & approa*$ only by gre5 rides1 7 ! ru9s ( :at mu/ h be5 a big old ,jacobean mansion2 b no?+ rema9$ ( x except "s grassy t]races1 a bit ( a f9e faade ( /one ) empty w9d[s1 half-hidd5 9 ivy1 & "s tall /one *imney-/acks4 ,! =e/ lay sil5t & /ill2 &1 along "o ( ! bran*+ rides1 y c\ld disc]n f> away a glimpse ( blue hills4 ,! sc5e 0 s entirely beautiful t we _h gradually ceas$ to talk1 & _h giv5 ourselves up to ! sweet & quiet influ5ce ( ! place4 ,we /ood = a:ile ^u "o ( ! t]races1 look+ at ! old h\se1 & ,fa!r ,payne said1 ,i'm n sure t ,i approve ( ! ta/e = ru9s2 !re is some?+ to be said = a des]t$ ca/le1 because x is a rem9d] t we d n ne$ to safegu>d ourselves s mu* aga9/ ea* o!rs' ill-w2 b a ro(less *ur* or a crumbl+ h\se--!re's some?+ sad ab\t !m4 ,x seems to me a little l leav+ a man unburi$ 9 ord] t we may come & s5tim5talise ov] 8 bones4 ,x means1 ?is h\se1 ! decay ( an old c5tre ( life--!re's no?+ evil or cruel ab\t x1 z !re is ab\t a ca/le2 & ,i am n sure t x ought n to be ei!r repair$ or remov$-- ',& doorways :]e a bridegroom trode ,/& op5 to ! pe]+ air4' ,i don't "k1 ,i said2 ,i'm sure t ?is is someh[ beautiful4 ,c't "o feel t nature is half-t5d]1 half-indiff]5t to our brok5 designs8 ,p]haps1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ,i don't l be+ rem9d$ ( dea? & wa/e--,i don't want to ?9k t !y c end by be+ *>m+--! vanity ( human wi%es is m sad ?an picturesque4 ,i ?9k ,dr4 ,johnson 0 "r :5 he said1 ',aft] all1 x is a sad ?+ t a man %\ld lie d[n & die4' ,a little :ile aft]w>ds he said1 ,h[ /range x is t ! lonel9ess ( ?is place %\ld be s delightful6 ,i l my fell[-be+s on ! :ole--,i don't want to avoid !m or to aboli% !m--b yet x is "o ( ! greate/ luxuries 9 ! _w to f9d a place :]e "o is pretty sure ( n meet+ "o ( !m4 ,yes1 ,i said1 x is v odd6 ,i h be5 feel+ to-day t ,i %\ld l "t to /& /ill ?is summ] aft]noon1 & to sp5d :ole days 9 rambl+ ab\t "h4 ,i won't say1 ,i said ) a smile1 t ,i %\ld pref] to be q alone2 b ,i %\ldn't m9d ev5 t 9 a place l ?is4 ,i nev] feel l t 9 a big t[n--!re is always a s5se ( ho/ile curr5ts !re4 ,to be alone 9 a t[n is always r melan*oly2 b "h x is j ! rev]se4 ,inde$1 yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & x is "o ( ! great my/]ies ( all to me :at we really want ) company4 ,x does n actually take away f u our s5se ( lonel9ess at all4 ,y c't look into my m9d1 nor c ,i look into y\rs2 :atev] we d or say to break d[n ! veil betwe5 u1 we c't d x4 ,& ,i h (t5 be5 happi] :5 alone ?an ,i h ev] be5 9 any company4 ,isn't x a s5se ( security8 ,i said2 ,i suppose t x is an in/9ct d]iv$ f old savage days :i* makes u dread o!r human be+s4 ,! fur!r back y g1 ! m hatr$ & mi/ru/ y f9d2 & ,i suppose t ! pres5ce ( a fri5d1 or r ( someone ) :om "o has a k9d ( und]/&+1 gives a feel+ ( comp>ative safety aga9/ attack4 ,t's x1 no d\bt1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b if ,i _h to *oose betwe5 sp5d+ ! re/ ( my life 9 solitude1 or 9 sp5d+ x )\t a *ance ( solitude1 ,i %\ld be 9 a great difficulty4 ,i am afraid t ,i reg>d company r z a :olesome m$ic9e aga9/ ! evils ( solitude ?an ,i reg>d solitude z a relief f company4 ,aft] all1 :at is x t we want ) ea* o!r8--:at d we expect to get f ea* o!r8 ,i rememb]1 he said1 smil+1 a witty old lady say+ to me once t et]nity 0 a nightm>e to h]4--',= in/ance1' %e said1 ',i enjoy sitt+ "h & talk+ to y v mu*2 b if ,i ?\ght x 0 go+ on to all et]nity1 ,i %\ldn't l x at all4' ,d we really want ! company ( any "o = ev] & ev]8 ,& if s1 :y8 ,d we want to agree or to disagree8 ,is ! po9t ( x t we want simil>ity or diff]5ce8 ,d we want to he> ab\t o!r p's exp]i5ces1 or d we simply want to tell our own8 ,is ! desire1 ,i mean1 = cong5ial company any?+ m ?an ! pleasure ( see+ our own ?\ghts & ideas reflect$ 9 ! m9ds ( o!rs2 or is x a real desire to alt] our own ?\ghts & ideas by comp>+ !m ) ! exp]i5ces ( o!rs8 ,:y d we l books1 = in/ance8 ,isn't x m because we recognise our own feel+s ?an because we make acqua9tance ) unfamili> feel+s8 ,x comes to ?is8 ,c we really ev] ga9 an idea1 or c we only recognise our own ideas8 ,x is v difficult1 ,i said2 if ,i answ]$ ha/ily1 ,i %\ld say t ,i lik$ be+ ) y because y give me _m new ideas2 b if ,i ?9k ab\t x1 x seems to me t x is only because y make me recognise my own ?\ghts4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i ?9k t is s4 ,if ,i see ano!r man behav+ well :]e ,i %\ld behave ill1 ,i recognise t ,i h all ! elem5ts 9 my own m9d = do+ ! same1 b t ,i h giv5 undue weight to "s ( !m & n en\gh weight to o!rs4 ,i don't ?9k1 on ! :ole1 t anyone c give "o a new idea2 he c only help "o to a s5se ( proportion4 ,b ,i want to get deep] ?an t4 ,y & ,i are fri5ds--at lea/ ,i ?9k s2 b :at exactly d we give ea* o!r8 ,h[ d y affect my solitude1 or ,i y\rs8 ,i'm bless$ if ,i "k4 ,x looks to me1 inde$1 z if y & ,i might be p>ts ( "o great =ce1 "o great _s1 & t we recognise our unity1 ?r\gh "s mat]ial condition :i* keeps u ap>t4 ,i am n sure t x isn't only ! body t divides u1 & t we are a "p ( ! same ?+ beh9d x all4 ,b :y1 if t is s1 said ,i1 d we feel a s5se ( unity ) "s p1 & n at all ) o!rs8 ,!re are p1 ,i mean1 ) :om ,i feel t ,i h simply no?+ 9 common1 & t our spirits c\ld n possibly mix or bl5d4 ,) y1 to speak frankly1 x is diff]5t4 ,i feel z ?\gh ,i _h kn[n y f> long] ?an a few mon?s1 & %\ld nev] be 9 any real d\bt ab\t y4 ,i recognise myself 9 y & y\rself 9 me4 ,b !re are _m p 9 :om ,i don't recognise myself at all4 ,fa!r ,payne put 8 arm ?r\gh m9e1 ,well1 old man1 he said1 we mu/ be cont5t to h f\nd ea* o!r1 b we mu/n't give up try+ to f9d o!r p too4 ,i ?9k t is :at civilisation means--a mutual recognition--we're only j at ! />t ( x1 y "k4 ,i'm 9 no d\bt z to :at y give me--x's a s5se ( tru/4 ,:5 ,i ?9k ab\t y1 ,i feel1 ',come1 !re is someone at all ev5ts :o w try to und]/& me & to =give me & to %>e 8 be/ ) me'--b ev5 s1 my boy1 ,i %all enjoy be+ alone sometimes4 ,i %all want to get away f ev]yone1 ev5 f y6 ,!re are ?\ghts ,i _c %>e ) y1 because ,i want y to ?9k bett] ( me ?an ,i d ( myself4 ,i suppose t is vanity--b /ill old ,wordswor? 0 "r :5 he wrote3 ',& _m love me2 b by none ,am ,i en\gh belov$4' ,,xxxix ,,( ,,! ,,writ]',s ,,life ,i 0 walk+ once ) ,fa!r ,payne 9 ! fields1 & he 0 talk+ ab\t ! difficulties ( ! writ]'s life4 ,he said t ! great problem = all indu/ri\s writ]s 0 h[ to "w 9 su* a way z n to be a nuisance to ! p !y liv$ )4 ,( c\rse m5 v>y v mu* 9 _! habits1 he said2 b if y look at ! lives ( au?ors1 !y (t5 seem tiresome p to get on )4 ,! difficulty is mo/ly ?is1 he w5t on1 t a writ] c't write to any purpose = m ?an ab\t ?ree h\rs a day--if he works really h>d1 ev5 t is q en\gh to tire him out4 ,?9k :at ! bra9 is do+--x is conc5trat$ on "s idea1 "s sc5e1 "s situation4 ,take a noveli/3 he has to h a picture 9 8 m9d all ! "t--a cle> visualisation ( a place--a room1 a g>d51 a wood2 !n he mu/ "k h[ 8 p move & look & speak1 & he has to fly backw>ds & =w>ds f "o to ano!r2 !n he has ! talk to create1 & he has to be always reject+ ?\ghts & impressions & words1 good en\gh 9 !mselves1 b n *>act]i/ic4 ,x is a fe>ful /ra9 on imag9ation & emotion1 on phrase-mak+ & ^w-f9d+4 ,! real wond] is n t a few p c d x bett] ?an o!rs1 b t anyone c d x at all4 ,! diff]5ce betwe5 ! wor/ noveli/ & ! be/ is mu* less ?an ! diff]5ce betwe5 ! wor/ noveli/ & ! p]son :o c't write at all4 ,well1 !n1 !re is su* a ?+ z inspiration2 mo/ creative writ]s get a book 9 _! m9ds1 & c ?9k ( no?+ else1 day & night1 :ile x is on4 ,! difficulty is to "k :at a writ] is to d 9 ! int]vals betwe5 8 books1 & 9 ! h\rs 9 :i* he is n writ+4 ,he has got to take x easy someh[1 & ! "q is :at is he to d4 ,he c't1 z a rule1 d mu* 9 ! way ( h>d ex]cise4 ,viol5t ex]cise 9 ! op5 air is pleasant en\gh1 b x leaves ! bra9 torpid & /agnant4 ,a man :o really makes a bus9ess ( writ+ has got to live ?r\gh t5 or twelve h\rs ( a day :5 he isn't writ+4 ,he c't af=d to read v mu*--at lea/ he c't af=d to read au?ors :om he admires1 because !y affect 8 /yle4 ,!re is some?+ horribly contagi\s ab\t /yle1 because x is (t5 mu* easi] to d a ?+ 9 someone else's way ?an to d x 9 "o's own4 ,pat] 0 ask$ once if he _h read ,/ev5son or ,kipl+1 ,i =get :i*--',oh no1 ,i d>5't6' he said1 ',i h peep$ into him occasionally1 b ,i c't af=d to read him4 ,i h le>nt exactly h[ ,i c approa* & develop a subject1 & if ,i look$ to see h[ he does x1 ,i %\ld soon lose my p[]4 ,! man ) a /yle is deb>r$ f read+ f9e books unless !y are on l9es entirely ap>t f 8 own4' ,t is p]fectly true1 ,i expect4 ,!re is no?+ s dreadful z read+ a writ] :om "o likes1 & see+ t he has got deflect$ f 8 mann] by read+ "s o!r craftsman4 ,! effect is a v subtle "o4 ,if y really want to see t sort ( sympa?y at "w1 y %\ld look at ,rusk9's lett]s--8 lett]s are deeply affect$ by ! correspond5t to :om he is writ+4 ,if he wrote to ,c>lyle or to ,br[n+1 he wrote l ,c>lyle & ,br[n+1 because1 z he wrote1 !y 7 /rongly 9 8 m9d4 ,) a pa9t] or a musician x is diff]5t--a lot ( h&-"w comes 9 :i* relieves ! bra91 s t !y c "w long] h\rs4 ,b a writ]1 z a rule1 :ile he is writ+1 c't ev5 af=d to talk v mu* to int]e/+ p1 because talk+ is h>d "w too4 ,well1 !n1 a writ]1 z an arti/ic p]son1 is r easily bor$4 ,he likes vivid s5sations & emphatic pref]5ces--& x is n really good = him to be bor$2 a man may read ! pap]1 write a few lett]s1 /roll1 g>d51 *att]--b if he takes 8 writ+ s]i\sly1 he mu/ someh[ be fre% = x4 ,x isn't easy to comb9e writ+ ) any o!r occupation1 & x leaves _m h\rs unoccupi$4 ,c>lyle is a t]rible in/ance1 because he 0 wret*$ & depress$ :5 he 0 n writ+2 he 0 melan*oly1 peevi%1 physically unwell2 & :5 he 0 writ+1 he 0 :olly absorb$ v impati5t ( 8 lab\r1 & mo/ intol]able4 ,inde$1 x does n look z if ! home lives ( writ]s h g5]ally be5 v happy--!re is too (t5 a pat5t conspiracy to keep ! great irritable babyi% giant amus$--& t's a bad atmosph]e = anyone to live 9--an unreal1 a royal sort ( atmosph]e1 ( def]5tial s*em+4 ,i said some?+ ab\t ,walt] ,scott4 ,ah yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ,scott's "w 0 amaz+--x j seem$ to ov]fl[ f a gigantic res]voir ( vitality4 ,he c\ld d 8 day's "w 9 ! e>ly h\rs1 & !n tramp ab\t all day1 *att]+1 f>m+1 plant+1 ent]ta9+--endlessly good-hum\r$4 ,( c\rse he wore himself out at la/ by p]fectly gha/ly "w--mo/ ( x v poor /uff4 ,br[n+ & ,?ack]ay 7 m5 ( ! same sort1 sociable1 g5ial1 exub]ant4 ,!y ov]fl[$ too--!y didn't batt] ?+s out4 ,b1 z a rule1 mo/ m5 :o want to d good "w1 mu/ be cont5t to pott] ab\t1 & seem lazy & ev5 self-indulg5t4 ,& "o ( ! reasons :y _m m5 :o />t z promis+ writ]s come to no?+ is because !y c't be in]t1 acquiesc5t1 easy-go+4 ,i h (t5 ?\ght t a good novel might be writt5 ab\t ! wife ( a great writ]1 :o m>ries him1 dazzl$ by 8 brilliance & !n f9ds him to be a petty1 suspici\s1 wayw>d sort ( *ild1 ) all 8 =ce ly+ 9 "o supreme faculty ( vision & expression4 ,x mu/ be a fi]y trial to see deep1 wise1 beautiful ?+s produc$ by a man :o c't live 8 ?\ghts--c only write !m4 ,b :at %\ld a man d8 ,i said4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i ?9k1 z a practical matt]1 x w\ld be a good ?+ to cultivate a hobby ( a manual k9d--& also1 above all1 ! p[] ( g5ial loaf+4 ,( c\rse1 ! real pity is t we are n all taught to d "s h\se-"w z a matt] ( c\rse--we dep5d too mu* on s]vants1 & h\se-"w is ! natural & amus+ outlet ( our physical en]gies2 z x is1 we specialise too mu*1 & half ( our maladies & discom=ts & mis]ies are due to t--t we "w a "p ( ourselves too h>d1 & ! o!r p>ts n h>d en\gh4 ,! ?+ to aim at is equanimity1 & ! exi/5ce ( unsatisfi$ in/9cts 9 u is :at poisons life = _m p4 ,he 0 sil5t = a little1 & !n he said1 ,& !n1 too1 !re is ! great dang] ( all writ]s--! feel+ t he has ! p[] ( giv+ p :at !y want1 :5 he ought to rememb] t he has only ! good =tune ( express+ :at p feel4 ,art oughtn't to be a ?+ spr9kl$ on life1 z y %ake sug> out on to a pudd+--x is j a p[] ( dis5tangl+ ?+s2 we suff] mo/ ( u f f9d+ life too complicat$--we don't und]/& x--x's a mass ( confus$ impressions4 ,well1 ! arti/ puts x all 9 ord]1 isolates ! important ?+s1 makes ! values di/9ct--he helps p to feel cle>ly--t's 8 only use4 ,& !n1 if he succe$s1 !re come silly flatt]ies & adorations--until he gets to feel z if he 7 h&+ d[n pots ( jam & bottles ( w9e f a high %elf out ( rea*--until he gr[s to believe t he put !m !re1 :5 he only f\nd !m !re4 ,x's a dreadful ?+ = an arti/ nev] to succe$ at all1 because !n 8 life appe>s ! mo/ useless bus9ess conceivable2 b x is almo/ a worse ?+ to get to dep5d ^u success--& x is und5iably pleasant to be a p]sonage1 to cause a little /ir :5 y ent] a room1 to f9d t p "k all ab\t y & l meet+ y1 & say+ !y h met y4 ,i nev] _h any ( t3 & ,i h sometimes f\nd myself ) successful writ]s :o made me ?ank ,god ,i c\ldn't write--su* complac5cy1 su* loll+ among praise1 su* vexation at n be+ def]r$ to6 ,! be/ fate = a man is to be fairly successful1 & to be at ! same "t pretty sev]ely criticis$4 ,t keeps him mode/1 :ile x gives him a degree ( confid5ce t he is do+ some?+ useful4 ,! dang] is ( drift+ "r out ( life into unreal civilities & complim5ts1 :i* y don't :olly l & yet c't d )\t4 ,! fact is t writ+ doesn't g5]ally end 9 v mu* happ9ess1 except p]haps ! happ9ess ( "w4 ,t's ! solid "p ( x really1 & no "o c deprive y ( t1 :atev] happ5s4 ,,xl ,,( ,,wa/e ,we 7 discuss+ ,keats & 8 premature dea?4 ,someone _h said t1 beside be+ "o ( ! be/1 he 0 also "o ( ! mo/ promis+ ( poets2 & ,fa!r ,payne _h rem>k$ t read+ ,keats's lett]s made him feel m directly 9 ! pres5ce ( a man ( g5ius ?an any o!r book he knew4 ,kaye _h add$ t ! dea? ( ,keats seem$ to him ! mo/ gha/ly k9d ( wa/e1 at :i* ,fa!r ,payne _h smil$1 & said t t presuppos$ t he 0 knock$ out by "s malign or indiff]5t =ce4 ,x is possible--isn't x8 he add$1 t he 0 ne$$ else:]e & summon$ away4 ,!n :y 0 he s elaborately tortur$ fir/8 said ,kaye4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i c conceive t if he _h recov]$ 8 heal?1 & escap$ f 8 engagem5t ) ,fanny ,brawne1 he might h be5 a mu* f9] fell[ aft]w>ds4 ,!re 7 two weak po9ts 9 ,keats1 y "k--8 ov]-s5su\sness & a t\* ( commonness--,i won't call x vulg>ity1 he add$1 b 8 jokes are n ( ! be/ quality6 ,i d n feel sure t 8 suff]+ might n h cle>$ away ! poison\s /uff4 ,p]haps1 said ,kaye2 b doesn't t make x m wa/eful /ill8 ,! _w ne$s beauty--& = a man to die s "y ) 8 be/ music 9 him seems to me a clumsy affair4 ,i don't "k1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 x seems to me h>d] to def9e ! ^w wa/e ?an almo/ any ^w ,i "k4 ,( c\rse !re are cases :5 x is obvi\sly applicable--if a big /eam] c>ry+ a c>go ( :eat goes d[n 9 a /orm1 t is a lot ( human tr\ble ?r[n away--& a w> is wa/eful1 because nations lose _! be/ & heal?ie/ p>5tal /ock4 ,b x isn't a ^w to play )4 ,9 a middle-class h\sehold x is appli$ ma9ly to su* ?+s z !re be+ en\gh left ( a nice di% = ! s]vants to enjoy2 &1 g5]ally speak+1 ,i ?9k x might be appli$ to all cases 9 :i* ! toil sp5t ov] ! mak+ ( a ?+ is out ( all proportion to ! enjoym5t d]iv$ f x4 ,b ! difficulty und]ly+ x is t x assumes a k ( :at a man's duty is 9 ?is _w--& ,i am n by any means sure t we "k4 ,look at ! phrase 'a wa/e ( "t4' ,h[ d we "k exactly h[ mu* "t a man ought to allot to sleep1 to "w1 to leisure8 ,i _h an old puritanical fri5d :o 0 v fond ( tell+ p t !y wa/$ "t4 ,he himself sp5t ne>ly two h\rs ( e day 9 dress+ & undress+4 ,t is to say t :5 he di$ at ! age ( sev5ty-six1 he _h sp5t ab\t six entire ye>s 9 mak+ & unmak+ 8 toilet6 ,let u assume t ev]yone is b\nd to give a c]ta9 am\nt ( "t to do+ ! necess>y "w ( ! _w--en\gh to support1 fe$1 clo!1 & h\se himself1 ) a m>g9 to sp>e = ! p :o c't support !mselves & c't "w4 ,!n !re are a lot ( outly+ ?+s :i* mu/ be done--! "w ( /atesm51 lawy]s1 doctors1 writ]s--all ! p :o organise1 keep ord]1 cure1 or amuse p4 ,!n !re are all ! p :o make luxuries & com=ts--?+s n exactly necess>y1 b /ill reasonable indulg5ces4 ,n[ let u suppose t anyone is g5u9ely & s5sibly occupi$ 9 any "o ( ^! ways1 & does 8 or h] fair %>e ( ! _w's "w3 :o is to say h[ su* work]s are to sp5d _! m>g9 ( "t8 ,!re are obvi\sly c]ta9 p :o are m]e drones 9 ! hive--ri*1 idle1 extravagant p3 we w admit t !y are wa/]s4 ,b ,i don't admit = a mom5t t all ! "t sp5t 9 enjoy+ oneself is wa/$1 & ,i ?9k t p h a "r to *oose :at !y d enjoy4 ,i am incl9$ to believe t we are "h to live1 & t "w is only a "p ( our mat]ial limitations4 ,a great deal ( ! usefulness ( "w is n its intr9sic value1 b its value to ourselves4 ,x isn't only :at we p]=m t matt]s2 x is ! fact t "w =ces u into relations ) o!r p1 :i* ,i take to be ! exp]i5ce we all ne$4 ,9 ! old dre>y books ( my *ildhood1 ! eld]s 7 always h\nd+ ! "y p into do+ some?+ useful--useful read+1 useful sew+1 & s =?4 ,b ,i am incl9$ to believe t sociability & talk are m useful ?an read+1 & t solit>y mus+ & dream+ & look+ ab\t are useful too4 ,all activity is useful1 all int]*ange1 all p]ception4 ,:at isn't useful is any?+ :i* hides life f y1 any habit t drugs y into inactivity & idl5ess1 any?+ :i* makes y believe t life is romantic & s5tim5tal & fatu\s4 ,i w\ldn't ev5 g s f> z to say t all ! "t sp5t 9 squabbl+ & qu>rell+ is useless1 because x br+s y up aga9/ p :o ?9k diff]5tly f y\rself4 ,t becomes wa/eful ! mom5t x leaves y ) ! impot5t desire to hurt y\r adv]s>y4 ,no1 ,i am incl9$ to ?9k t ! only ?+ :i* is wa/eful is any?+ :i* susp5ds int]e/ & animation & ! love ( life2 & ,i don't blame idle & extravagant p :o live ) ze/ & livel9ess = do+ t4 ,i only blame !m = n see+ t _! extravagance is keep+ p at ! o!r end ( ! scale 9 drudg]y & dulness4 ,( c\rse ! difficulty ( x is1 t if we (f]$ ! l[e/ /ratum ( work]s a great increase ( leisure1 !y w\ld l>gely misuse x2 & t is :y ,i believe t 9 ! future a l>ge "p ( ! education ( work]s w be devot$ to tea*+ !m h[ to employ _! leisure agreeably & n noxi\sly4 ,& ,i believe t !re are ?\s&s ( cases 9 ! _w :i* are inf9itely worse ?an ! case ( ,keats--:o1 aft] all1 _h m joy ( ! f9e/ quality 9 8 %ort life ?an mo/ ( u a*ieve4 ,i mean ! cases ( m5 & wom5 ) f9e & s5sitive in/9cts1 :o by be+ born "u base & d[n-trodd5 conditions are nev] able to get a ta/e ( clean1 :olesome1 & beautiful life at all--t's a mu* d>k] problem4 ,b h[ d y fit t into y\r !ories ( life at all8 said ,v9c5t4 ,oh1 x fits my !ory ( life well en\gh1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y see1 ,i believe x to be a real battle1 & n a %am fight4 ,i believe 9 ,god z ! s\rce ( all ! f9e1 beautiful1 & free in/9cts1 ca/+ !m lavi%ly into ! _w1 aga9/ a horribly p[]ful & rel5tless b ultimately /upid foe4 ',:o put ! evil !re8' y may say1 '& h[ did x get !re fir/8' ,ah1 ,i don't "k t--t is ! orig9 ( evil4 ,b ,i don't believe t ,god put x !re fir/1 j = ! int]e/ ( ! fight4 ,i don't believe t ,he is responsible = wa/e--,i ?9k x is "o ( ! =ces ,he is fight+4 ,he pu%es battalion aft] battalion to ! assault1 & d[n !y g4 ,x's cruel "w1 b x isn't any?+ l s cruel z to suppose t ,he arrang$ x all or ev5 p]mitt$ x all4 ,t w\ld inde$ sick5 & di%e>t5 me4 ,no1 ,i believe t ,god nev] wa/es any?+2 b x's a fe>ful & protract$ battle2 & ,i believe t ,he w w9 9 ! end4 ,i read a case 9 ! pap] ! o!r day ( a little *ild 9 a workh\se t _h le>nt a lot ( infam\s language1 & curs$ & swore if x 0 giv5 milk in/ead ( be] or br&y4 ,am ,i to believe t ,god 0 9 any way responsible = putt+ a little *ild 9 t position8--= all[+ ?+s to take %ape s1 if ,he c\ld h *eck$ x8 ,no1 inde$6 ,i d n believe 9 a ,god z helpless or z wick$ z t6 ,!re is some?+ devili% !re1 = :i* ,he is n responsible1 & aga9/ :i* ,he is fight+ z h>d z ,he c4 ,b doesn't h]$ity come 9 !re8 said ,v9c5t4 ,x isn't ! *ild's fault1 & probably no am\nt ( dec5t conditions w\ld turn t *ild into any?+ respectable4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 h]$ity is j "o ( ! evil devices--b don't y see ! /upidity ( x8 ,x /ops progress1 b x also helps x on--x h9d]s1 b x also helps2 & no?+ 9 ! _w seems to me s ,div9e z ! way 9 :i* ,god is us+ & ma/]+ h]$ity = good4 ,x multiplies evil1 b x also multiplies good2 & ,god has turn$ t weapon aga9/ ! contriv] ( x4 ,! wis] t ! _w gr[s1 ! m !y w see h[ to use h]$ity = happ9ess1 by prev5t+ ! ta9t$ f cont9u+ to ta9t ! races4 ,! sl[ civilisation ( ! _w is ! /ronge/ pro( ,i "k t ! battle is go+ ! "r way4 ,! =ces ( evil are be+ sl[ly trans=m$ into ! =ces ( good4 ,! wa/e ( noble ?+s is b ! sl[ arrival ( ! new armies ( light4 ,!re is some?+ real 9 fight+ = a ,g5]al :o has a v urg5t & t]rible bus9ess on h&4 ,!re is no?+ real ab\t fight+ = "o :o has br\ght bo? ! armies into ! field4 ,x doesn't d to s5tim5talise ab\t evil1 & to say t x is hidd5 good6 ,! _w is a probation1 ,i don't d\bt--b x is te/+ y\r /r5g? aga9/ some?+ :i* is really !re1 & c d y a lot ( h>m1 n aga9/ some?+ :i* is only !re = ! purpose ( te/+ :at might h be5 made & kept bo? innoc5t & /rong4 ,,xli ,,( ,,education ,fa!r ,payne g5]ally decl9$ to talk ab\t education4 ,tea*+ is "o ( ! ?+s1 l golf & hunt+1 :i* is excit+ to d & pleasant to rememb]1 b intol]able to talk ab\t1 he said "o ev5+4 ,well1 ,i said1 x is c]ta9ly intol]able to li/5 to p discuss+ education1 or to read ab\t x2 b if y "k any?+ ab\t x1 ,i %\ld h ?\ght x 0 good fun to talk ab\t x4 ,ah1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 y say1 ',if y "k any?+ ab\t x4' ,! wor/ ( x is t ev]ybody kn[s ev]y?+ ab\t x4 ,a man :o is a success1 ?9ks t 8 own education is ! only "o wor? hav+2 a man :o is a failure ?9ks t all sy/ems ( education are wrong4 ,& z = talk+ ab\t tea*+1 y c't talk ab\t x--y c only relate y\r own exp]i5ce1 & li/5 ) su* pati5ce z y c mu/] to ano!r man relat+ 84 ,t's n talk+6 ,b x is int]e/+ 9 a g5]al way1 said ,v9c5t1--! k9d ( ?+ y are aim+ at1 :at y want to produce1 & s on4 ,yes1 my de> ,v9c5t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b education isn't t--x's an ob/9ate sort ( tradition2 x's a que/1 l ! ,philosoph]'s ,/one4 ,mo/ p ?9k t x is a sort ( *>m :i*1 if y c\ld discov] x1 w\ld transmute all bas] metals into gold4 ,! ju/ification ( ! ,philosoph]'s ,/one is1 ,i suppose1 t diff]5t metals are n really diff]5t sub/ances1 b only diff]5t arrangem5ts ( ! same atoms4 ,b we c't pr$icate t ( human spirits z yet2 & to attempt to f9d "o =mula ( education is l plant+ ! same crop 9 diff]5t soils4 ,x is ! ridicul\s democratic doctr9e ( human equality :i* is ! real difficulty4 ,!re is no natural equality 9 human nature1 & ! "q really is :e!r y are go+ to try to r$uce all human be+s to ! same level1 :i* is ! dang] ( discipl9e1 or to let p foll[ _! own in/9cts un*eck$1 :i* is ! %ad[ ( lib]ty4 ,i'm all = lib]ty1 ( c\rse4 ,b :y '( c\rse'8 said ,v9c5t4 ,because ,i take ! ari/ocratic view1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 :i* is t y d m = ! human race by hav+ a few f9e p1 ?an by hav+ an inf9ite numb] ( second-rate p4 ,:at ! fir/-rate man ?9ks to-day1 ! second-rate p ?9k to-morr[--t is h[ we make progress2 & ,i w\ld l to take inf9ite pa9s ) ! be/ mat]ial1 if ,i c\ld f9d x1 & leave discipl9e = ! second-rate4 ,! ,jews & ! ,greeks1 bo? fir/-class nations1 h done m = ! _w on ! :ole ?an ! ,romans & ! ,anglo-,saxons1 :o are ! be/ ( ! second-rate /ocks4 ,b h[ are y go+ to beg9 to sort y\r mat]ial8 said ,b>?rop4 ,yes1 y h me !re1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b ,i don't despair ( our ultimately f9d+ t out4 ,at pres5t1 ! wor/ ( m5 ( g5ius is t !y are n always ! mo/ brisk & effici5t boys4 ,a g5ius is apt to be p]ceptive & s5sitive4 ,8 p]ceptiv5ess makes him seem bewild]$1 because he is vaguely int]e/$ 9 ev]y?+ t he sees2 8 s5sitiv5ess makes him hold 8 tongue1 because he gets snubb$ if he asks too _m que/ions4 ,m5 ( g5ius are n z a rule v precoci\s--!y are (t5 %y1 awkw>d1 abs5t-m9d$4 ,g5ius is (t5 /rangely l /upidity 9 its e>ly /ages4 ,! /upid boy escapes notice because he is /upid4 ,! g5ius escapes notice because he is diffid5t1 & wants to escape notice4 ,b h[ w\ld y set ab\t discov]+ :i* 0 :i*8 said ,b>?rop4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 if y ask me1 ,i don't ?9k we discrim9ate2 ,i ?9k we g 9 = tea*+ *ildr5 too mu*1 & n try+ to make !m obs]ve & ?9k m4 ,we give !m ?+s to d1 & to get by he>t2 we imprison !m 9 a n>r[ r\nd ( gymna/ics4 ,z ,dr4 ,johnson said once1 ',y tea* y\r *ildr5 ! use ( ! globes1 & :5 !y get old] y wond] t !y d n seek y\r society6' ,! :ole ?+ is s devili% dull1 & x saves ! tea*] su* a lot ( tr\ble6 ,i myself 0 fairly quick z a boy1 & f\nd t x paid to d :at ,i 0 told4 ,b ,i nev] made ! smalle/ pret5ce to be int]e/$ 9 :at ,i _h to d--gramm>1 ,euclid1 t9y scraps ( ,lat9 & ,greek4 ,i us$ to ?ank ,god1 9 ,x5ophon lessons1 :5 a bit 0 all ab\t /ages & p>asangs1 because !re 7 few] words to look out4 ,! idea ( tea*+ languages l t6 ,if ,i _h a clev] boy to tea* a language1 ,i w\ld read "s int]e/+ book ) him1 tell+ him ! mean+ ( words1 until he got a big /ock ( ord9>y words2 ,i w\ld j tea* him ! common inflexions2 & :5 he c\ld read an easy book1 & write ! language intelligibly1 !n ,i w\ld try to tea* him a few niceties & idioms1 & make him look out = diff]5ces ( /yle & language4 ,b we beg9 at ! wrong end1 & /ore 8 memory ) exceptions & idioms & niceties fir/4 ,no s5sible human be+ :o want$1 let u say1 to "k en\gh ,italian to read ,dante1 w\ld dream ( sett+ to "w z we set to "w on classics4 ,well !n1 ,fa!r ,payne w5t on1 ,i %\ld cultivate ! imag9ation ( *ildr5 a great deal m4 ,i %\ld try to tea* !m all ,i c\ld ab\t ! _w z x is--! diff]5t nations1 & h[ !y live1 ! di/ribution ( plants & animals1 ! simpl] sorts ( sci5ce4 ,i don't ?9k t x ne$ be v accurate1 all t4 ,b *ildr5 ought to realise t ! _w is a big place1 ) all sorts ( int]e/+ & excit+ ?+s go+ on4 ,i w\ld try to give !m a g5]al view ( hi/ory & ! movem5t ( civilisation4 ,i don't mean a romantic view ( x1 ) ! pomps & %[s & battles 9 ! =egr\nd2 b a real view--h[ p liv$1 & :at !y 7 driv+ at4 ,! ?+ c\ld be done1 if x 7 n = ! bugbe> ( inaccuracy4 ,to "k a little p]fectly isn't en\gh2 ( c\rse1 p ought to be able to write _! own language accurately1 & to d ari?metic4 ,outside ( t1 y want a lot ( g5]al ideas4 ,x is no good tea*+ ev]y?+ z if ev]yone 0 to end z a ,pr(essor4 ,t is a reasonable g5]al s*eme1 said ,b>?rop1 b :at ab\t special aptitudes8 ,:y1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i %\ld g on ^? g5]al l9es till boys & girls 7 ab\t f\rte54 ,& ,i %\ld tea* !m ) a view to ! lives !y 7 go+ to live4 ,i %\ld tea* girls a good deal ( h\se-"w1 & c\ntry boys ab\t ! c\ntry--we mu/n't =get t ! common "w ( ! _w has to be done4 ,y mu/ someh[ int]e/ p 9 ! sort ( "w !y are go+ to d4 ,x is hopeless )\t t4 ,& !n we mu/ gradually beg9 to specialise4 ,b ,i'm n go+ into all t n[4 ,! g5]al aim ,i %\ld h 9 view w\ld be to give p "s idea ( ! _w !y 7 liv+ 91 & try to int]e/ !m 9 ! "p !y 7 go+ to play2 & ,i %\ld try to tea* !m h[ to employ _! leisure4 ,t seems entirely left out at pres5t4 ,i want to develop p on simple & cont5t$ l9es1 ) intellig5t int]e/s &1 if possible1 a special ta/e4 ,! happy man is ! man :o likes 8 "w1 & all education is a fraud if x turns out p :o don't l _! "w2 & !n ,i want p to h some?+ to fall back ^u :i* !y enjoy4 ,no "o c live a dec5t life )\t hav+ ?+s to look =w>d to4 ,b1 ( c\rse1 ! :ole ?+ turns on ,f9ance1 & t is :at makes x s inf]nally dull4 ,y want m tea*]s & bett] tea*]s2 y want to make tea*+ a pr(ession :i* attracts ! be/ p4 ,y c't d t )\t money1 & at pres5t education is look$ ^u z an exp5sive luxury4 ,t's all "p ( ! /odgy ,anglo-,saxon m9d4 ,x doesn't want ideas--x wants positions :i*1 c>ry high sal>ies2 & really ! "o ?+ :i* blocks ! way 9 all our education is t we c>e s mu* = money & prop]ty1 & c't ?9k ( happ9ess ap>t f !m4 ,z long z our real aim 9 ,engl& is income1 we %all n make progress2 because we p]si/ 9 ?9k+ ( ideas z luxuries 9 :i* a man c indulge if he has a suffici5t income to af=d to d s4 ,y take a gloomy view ( our national ideals1 ,fa!r1 said ,v9c5t4 ,n a gloomy view1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 only a dull view6 ,we are a respectable nation--we adore respectability2 & ,i don't ?9k x is a sympa!tic quality4 ,:at ,i want is m sympa?y & m imag9ation4 ,i ?9k !y lead to happ9ess2 & ,i don't ?9k ! ,anglo-,saxon c>es en\gh ab\t happ9ess2 if he is happy1 he has an uneasy idea t he is 9 = a disa/] ( "s k9d4 ,,xlii ,,( ,,religion ,i f\nd ,fa!r ,payne "o morn+ read+ a lett] ) knitt$ br[s4 ,pres5tly he ca/ x d[n on ! table ) a ge/ure ( annoyance4 ,:at a fool "o is to argue6 he said--& !n /opp+1 he said1 ,b y want$ some?+--:at is x8 ,x 0 a "q ab\t "s books :i* 0 soon answ]$4 ,!n he said3 ,/ay a few m9utes1 won't y1 unless y are press$8 ,i h got a tiresome lett]1 & if y w let me p\r out my compla9t to y1 ,i %all be all "r--o!rwise ,i %all g ab\t grumbl+ & mutt]+ all day1 & inv5t+ rep>tees4 ,i sate d[n 9 a *air4 ,yes1 d tell me6 ,i said2 ,i h really v little to d ?is morn+1 b f9i% up a bit ( "w4 ,he look$ at me ) a tw9kle 9 8 eye4 ,i expect y ought to be at "w1 he said1 & if ,i 7 consci5ti\s1 ,i %\ld s5d y away--b ?is is r int]e/+1 ,i ?9k4 ,he m$itat$ = a mom5t1 & !n w5t on4 ,x's ?is6 ,i h got involv$ 9 an argum5t ) an old fri5d ( m9e :o is a /iff sort ( ,high-,*ur*man--a p>son4 ,x's ab\t religion1 too1 & x's no good argu+ ab\t religion4 ,y only confirm y\r adv]s>y 9 8 op9ion4 ,he br+s =? ! b[1 & makes ready ! arr[s )9 ! quiv]4 ,i ne$n't g into ! argum5t4 ,x's ! old /ory4 ,he object$ to some?+ ,i said z 'vague1' & ,i 0 ass en\gh to answ] him4 ,he is "o ( ^? p :o is v /rong on dogma1 & treats 8 religion z if x 7 a sort ( trades' union4 ,he ?9ks ,i am a k9d ( blackleg1 n true to my pr9ciples2 or r he ?9ks t ,i am n a ,*ri/ian at all1 & only call myself "o = ! sake ( ! associations4 ,( c\rse he triumphs ov] me at e po9t4 ,he is entr5*$ 9 :at he calls a logical sy/em1 & he fires (f texts z if f a ma*9e-gun4 ,( c\rse my po9t is t all /rict d5om9ations h got a sev]ely logical sy/em1 b t !y c't all be s\nd1 because !y all d$uce diff]5t conclusions f ! same evid5ce4 ,all d5om9ational positions are drawn up by able m51 & ,i imag9e t an old !ology l ! ,ca?olic !ology is "o ( ! mo/ +5i\s con/ructions 9 ! _w f ! logical po9t ( view4 ,b ! mis*ief ( x all is t ! data are incomplete1 & _m ( !m are n ma!matically demon/rable at all4 ,!y are all col\r$ by human ideas & p]sonalities & temp]am5ts1 & half ( !m are intuitions & exp]i5ces1 :i* v>y at diff]5t times & "u diff]5t circum/ances4 ,all precise d5om9ational sy/ems are ! outcome ( ! desire = a precise c]ta9ty 9 ! m9ds ( bus9ess-l p--! p :o say t !y wi% to "k exactly :]e !y are4 ,n[ ,i don't g s f> z to say1 or ev5 to ?9k1 t religion w always be z my/]i\s a ?+ z x is n[4 ,i fully expect t we %all "k mu* m ab\t x "s day4 ,b we don't at pres5t "k v mu* ab\t ! c5tral ?+s ( all--! nature ( ,god1 ! relation ( good & evil1 life aft] dea?1 human psy*ology4 ,we h n rea*$ ! po9t ( be+ able def9itely to id5tify ! moral =ce ( ! _w ) ! =ces :i* d n appe> to be moral1 b are und\bt$ly1 active--) realities1 t is1 z we come into contact ) !m4 ,!re are no sci5tific c]ta9ties on ^! po9ts--we simply h n rea*$ t /age4 ,my fri5d's view is t out ( a c]ta9 numb] ( d5om9ations1 "o is und\bt$ly "r4 ,my view is t all are necess>ily incomplete4 ,b ! mom5t ,i say ?is1 he says t my religion is s vague z n to be a religion at all4 ,n[ my own position is ?is1 t ,i ?9k religion1 by :i* ,i mean our relation to ! ,p[] beh9d ! _w1 is ! mo/ important fact 9 ! _w1 z well z ! mo/ absorb+ly int]e/+4 ,:atev] =m ( religion ,i /udy1 ,i seem to see ! same ?+ go+ on4 ,! sa9ts1 h[ev] mu* !y diff] 9 dogma1 seem to me to h a /rong family lik5ess4 ,my/icism is a v def9ite ?+ inde$1 & ,i h nev] any d\bt t all my/ics h ! same or a v simil> exp]i5ce1 namely1 ! p]ception ( "s p]fectly def9ite =ce--z real a =ce z electricity1 = in/ance--) :i* !y are 9 t\*4 ,some?+1 :i* is q cle>ly !re1 is affect+ !m 9 a p>ticul> way4 ,if y ask me :at t some?+ is1 ,i don't "k4 ,i believe x to be a sort ( life-=ce1 :i* c & does m+le itself ) our own life2 & ,i believe t we are all affect$ by x1 j z e drop ( wat] on ! e>? is affect$ by ! moon's attraction--?\gh we c measure t effect 9 an ocean by obs]v+ ! tides1 :5 we c't measure x 9 a bas9 ( wat]4 ,we are n all equally consci\s ( x1 & ,i don't "k :y t is4 ,sometimes ,i am aw>e ( x myself1 & sometimes n4 ,b ,i h _h en\gh exp]i5ce ( x to feel t some?+ is mak+ signals to me1 affect+ me1 attract+ me4 ,& ! reason :y ,i am a ,*ri/ian is because 9 ,*ri/ianity & 9 ! tea*+ ( ,*ri/ ,i feel ! influ5ce ( x 9 a way t ,i feel x n[h]e else 9 ! same degree4 ,i feel t ,*ri/ 0 clos] to :at ,i recognise z ,god2 knew ,god bett] ?an anyone t ev] liv$1 & 9 a diff]5t k9d ( way--f inside1 s to speak4 ,b x's a life t ,i f9d 9 ! ,gospel1 & n a cre$3 & ,i believe t ?is is religion1 to be someh[ 9 t\* ) a high] life & a high] sort ( beauty4 ,b ,i p]sonally don't want ?is expla9$ & def9$ & codifi$4 ,t seems to me only to hem x 9 & limit x4 ,! mom5t ,i f9d x r$uc$ to dogma & rule1 to def9ite *annels ( grace1 to p>ticul> p[]s entru/$ to p>ticul> p]sons1 !n ,i beg9 to be /ifl$ &1 :at is worse1 bor$4 ,i don't feel x to be a logical affair at all--,i feel x to be a liv+ =ce1 ! qualities ( :i* are virtue1 beauty1 peace1 en?usiasm1 happ9ess2 all ! ?+s :i* gl[ & sp>kle 9 life1 & make me long to be diff]5t--to be /rong]1 wis]1 m pati5t1 m int]e/$1 m s]5e4 ,i want to %>e my secret ) o!rs1 n to keep x to myself4 ,b :5 ,i argue ) my fri5d1 ,i don't feel x is my secret b 81 & t 9 8 m9d ! =ce itself is miss+1 :ile a lot ( rules & logical propositions & arrangem5ts h tak5 its place4 ,x is j z ?\gh ,i 7 9 love ) a girl1 & 7 tak5 to task by someone1 & in=m$ ( a score ( conv5tions :i* ,i mu/ obs]ve if ,i wi% to be consid]$ really 9 love4 ,i "k :at love means to me1 & ,i "k1 h[ ,i want to make love2 & ! same sort ( ?+ is happ5+ to lov]s all ! _w ov]1 ?\gh !y don't all make love 9 ! same way4 ,y c't codify ! rules ( love6 ,pres5tly he w5t on3 ,x seems to me l ?is--l see+ ! reflection ( ! moon4 ,y may see x 9 ! m>ble bas9 ( a f\nta91 cle> & di/9ct4 ,y may see x blurr$ into ripples on a w9d-/irr$ sea4 ,y may see x m\ld$ into liquid curves on a swift /ream4 ,! *ang+ %apes ( x matt] little--y are sure t x is ! same ?+ :i* is be+ reflect$1 h[ev] diff]5tly x appe>s4 ,i believe t human nature has a p[] ( reflect+ ,god1 & ! diff]5t d5om9ations seem to me to reflect ,him 9 diff]5t ways1 l ! f\nta9 & ! /ream & ! sea4 ,b ! same ?+ is !re1 ?\gh ! =ms seem to v>y4 ,& !re=e we mu/ n qu>rel ) ! diff]5t attempts to reflect x--or ev5 be vex$ if ! f\nta9 tells ! sea t x is n reflect+ ! moon at all4 ,take my advice1 my boy1 he add$1 smil+1 & nev] argue ab\t religion--only try to make y\r own _s z calm & true z y c6 ,,xliii ,,( ,,critics ,i came 9 f a /roll "o day ) ,fa!r ,payne & ,b>?rop4 ,fa!r ,payne op5$ a lett] :i* 0 ly+ on ! hall table1 & say+1 ,hallo1 ,leon>d1 look at ?is4 ,gladw9 is com+ d[n = ,sunday--t w be r fun6 ,i don't "k ab\t fun1 said ,b>?rop2 at lea/ ,i d\bt if ,i %\ld f9d x fun1 if ,i _h ! responsibility ( ent]ta9+ him4 ,yes1 x's a great responsibility1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i feel t4 ,gladw9 is a man :o has to be tak5 z y f9d him1 b :o nev] makes any pret5ce ( tak+ y z he f9ds y6 ,b x w amuse me to put him ?r\gh 8 paces a bit6 ,:o on e>? is ,gladw98 said ,i1 consum$ by curiosity4 ,fa!r ,payne & ,b>?rop laugh$4 ,i %\ld l ,gladw9 to he> t6 said ,b>?rop4 ,only x w\ld grieve him /ill m if ,duncan _h he>d ( him1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 !re w\ld be a commonness ab\t t6 ,!n turn+ to me1 he said1 ,gladw98 ,well1 he's ab\t ! mo/ critical man 9 ,engl&1 ,i suppose4 ,he does a little "w--a v little3 & ,i ?9k he might h be5 a great man1 if he hadn't become s fe>fully dry4 ,he began by despis+ ev]yone else1 & end$ by despis+ himself--& n[ x's almo/ a torture to him to make up 8 m9d4 ',!re's some?+ base ab\t a decision1' he once said to me4 ,b 'despis+' isn't ! "r ^w4 ,he doesn't despise--t w\ld be co>se4 ,he only feels ! co>s5ess ( ?+s 9 g5]al4 ,he has got too f9e an edge on 8 m9d--ev]y?+ blunts x6 ,d y rememb] ,rose's song ab\t him8 said ,b>?rop4 ,yes1 :at 0 x8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,! refra91 said ,b>?rop1 0 ',n too mu* ( :atev] is be/1 ,t is en\gh = me6' ,fa!r ,payne laugh$4 ,yes1 ,i rememb]6 he said2 ',n too mu*' is a good /roke6 ,i happ5$ to be ) ,fa!r ,payne :5 ,gladw9 arriv$4 ,he 0 a small1 trim1 compact man1 ab\t =ty1 unemb>rass$ & graceful1 b ) an air ( dejection4 ,he _h a %ort po9t$ be>d & m\/a*e1 & 8 hair 0 gr[+ grey4 ,he _h f9e ?9 h&s1 & he 0 dress$ 9 old b well-fitt+ clo!s4 ,he _h an atmosph]e ( great di/9ction ab\t him4 ,i _h expect$ some?+ incisive & cle>-cut ab\t him1 b he 0 conspicu\sly g5tle1 & ev5 deprecat+ 9 mann]4 ,he greet$ ,fa!r ,payne smil+ly1 & %ook h&s ) me1 ) a c\rte\s little b[4 ,we /roll$ a little 9 ! g>d54 ,fa!r ,payne did mo/ ( ! talk+1 b ,gladw9's sil5ce 0 sympa!tic & impressive4 ,he li/5$ to u tol]antly1 z a man might li/5 to ! prattle ( *ildr54 ,:at are y do+ j n[8 said ,fa!r ,payne aft] a pause4 ,oh1 no?+ wor? m5tion+1 said ,gladw9 s(tly4 ,i "w m sl[ly ?an ev]1 ,i believe4 ,x c h>dly be call$ "w1 inde$4 ,9 fact1 ,i want to consult y ab\t a few little bits--!y c h>dly be call$ any?+ s def9ite z 'pieces'--b ,i am 9 d\bt ab\t _! arrangem5t4 ,! plac+ ( indep5d5t pieces is su* a difficulty to me1 y "k6 ,"o mu/ secure "s sort ( a progression6 ,ah1 ,i %all enjoy t1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b y won't take my advice1 y "k--y nev] d6 ,oh1 don't say t1 said ,gladw94 ,( c\rse "o mu/ be ultimately responsible4 ,x c't be o!rwise4 ,b ,i always respect y\r judgm5t4 ,y always help me to ! mat]ials1 at all ev5ts1 = a decision6 ,fa!r ,payne laugh$1 & said1 ,well1 ,i %all be at y\r s]vice any "t6 ,a little :ile aft]1 ,gladw9 said he ?\ght he w\ld g to 8 room4 ,i "k y\r ways "h1 he said to me ) a smile2 "o mu/n't int]f]e ) a sy/em4 ,besides ,i l x6 ,x is su* a luxury to oblit]ate oneself6 ,:5 we met aga9 be=e d9n]1 ,gladw9 walk$ across to a big picture1 an old sea-piece1 r effectively pa9t$1 :i* ,fa!r ,payne _h f\nd 9 a g>ret1 & _h _h re/or$ & fram$4 ,:at is ?is8 said ,gladw9 v g5tly2 ,i ?9k ?is is new8 ,fa!r ,payne told him ! /ory ( its discov]y1 add+1 ,i don't suppose x is wor? mu*--b x has a c]ta9 breez9ess ab\t x1 ,i ?9k4 ,gladw9 consid]$ x 9 sil5ce1 & !n turn$ away4 ,d y l x8 said ,fa!r ,payne--a little malici\sly1 ,i ?\ght4 ,l x8 said ,gladw9 m$itatively1 ,i don't "k t ,i c g z f> z t6 ,i l x 9 y\r h\se4 ,gladw9 said v little at d9n]4 ,he ate & drank sp>+ly2 & ,i notic$ t he look$ at any di% t 0 (f]$ him ) a quick scrut9is+ glance4 ,he ta/$ 8 fir/ glass ( w9e ) ! same air ( susp5se1 & !n appe>$ to be reliev$ f a preoccupation4 ,b he jo9$ little 9 ! talk1 & ex]cis$ r a sob]+ effect ^u u4 ,once or twice he spoke out4 ,m5tion 0 made ( ,giss+'s ,pap]s ( ,h5ry ,ryecr(t1 & ,fa!r ,payne ask$ him if he _h read x4 ,oh no1 ,i c\ldn't read x1 ( c\rse1 said ,gladw92 ,i look$ into x1 & _h to put x away4 ,i felt z if ,i _h op5$ a lett] address$ to someone else by mi/ake6 ,at a lat] p]iod ( ! ev5+1 a discussion arose ab\t ! laws ( ta/e4 ,fa!r ,payne _h said t ! "o ph5om5on 9 art he c\ld n und]/& 0 ! almo/ inevitable reaction :i* seem$ to take place 9 ! way 9 :i* ! "w ( a great writ] or pa9t] or musician is reg>d$ a few ye>s aft] 8 vogue decl9es4 ,i am n speak+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ( poor1 commonplace1 m]ely popul> "w1 b ( "w :i* 0 acclaim$ z great by ! be/ critics ( ! "t1 & :i* w probably return to pre-em95ce1 ,he in/anc$1 ,i rememb]1 ,m5delssohn & ,t5nyson4 ,( c\rse1 he said1 !y bo? wrote a great deal--p]haps too mu*--& "s k9d ( sort+ is necess>y4 ,i don't m9d ! ,idylls ( ! ,k+1 or ! ,elijah1 be+ relegat$ to oblivion1 because !y bo? %[ signs ( hav+ be5 done ) "o eye on ! public4 ,b ! progressive "y man won't he> ( ,t5nyson or ,m5delssohn be+ reg>d$ z s]i\s figures 9 art at all4 ,yet ,i hone/ly believe t poems l ',n[ ,sleeps ! ,crimson ,petal1' or ',come d[n1 ,o ,maid1' h a high & p]man5t beauty ab\t !m2 or1 aga91 ! ov]ture to ! ,midsumm] ,night's ,dream4 ,i c't believe t x isn't a ?+ full ( lovel9ess & delight4 ,i c't = ! life ( me see :at happ5s to cause su* ?+s to be =gott54 ,t5nyson & ,m5delssohn seem to me to h be5 p5etrat$ ) a s5se ( beauty1 & to h be5 great craftsm5 too3 & _! "w at its be/ n only satisfi$ ! mo/ exact+ & tra9$ critics1 b ?rill$ all ! mo/ beauty-lov+ spirits ( ! "t ) ineffable cont5t1 z ( a dream fulfill$ beyond ! rea* ( hope4 ,& yet all ! light seems to die out ( !m z ! ye>s g on4 ,! new writ]s & musicians1 ! new critics1 ! new audi5ce1 are all preoccupi$ ) a diff]5t pres5tm5t ( beauty4 ,& !n1 v sl[ly1 ! light seems to return to ! old ?+s--at lea/ to ! be/ ( !m3 b !y h to suff] an eclipse1 dur+ :i* !y are no?+ b symbols ( all t is hackney$ & commonplace 9 music & lit]ature4 ,i ?9k ?+s are ei!r beautiful or n3 ,i c't believe 9 a real %ift+ ( ta/e1 a m]ely relative & tempor>y beauty4 ,if x only happ5$ to ! second-rate k9ds ( goodness1 x w\ld be intelligible--b x seems to involve ! be/ z well4 ,:at d y ?9k1 ,gladw98 ,gladw91 :o _h be5 dreamily reg>d+ ! w9e 9 8 glass1 gave a little />t almo/ ( pa91 z if a ?orn _h prick$ him4 ,he glanc$ r\nd ! table1 & !n said 9 8 g5tle/ voice1 ,well1 ,payne1 ,i don't q "k f :at po9t ( view y are speak+--f ! po9t ( view ( s]i\s inve/igation1 or ( edification1 or ( m]e curiosity8 ,i %\ld h to be sure ( t4 ,b1 speak+ hurri$ly & p]haps intemp]ately1 ,i %\ld be incl9$ to ?9k t !re 0 a sort ( natural revolt aga9/ a conv5tion1 a spontane\s disgu/ at def]5ce be+ tak5 = grant$4 ,isn't x l :at takes place 9 politics--?\gh1 ( c\rse1 ,i "k no?+ ab\t politics--! way1 ,i mean1 9 :i* ! electors get simply tir$ ( a political p>ty be+ 9 p[]1 & give ! o!r side a *ance ( do+ bett]8 ,i mean t ! gross & un9tellig5t laudation ( any arti/ :o arrives at :at is call$ assur$ fame1 naturally turns "o's m9d on to ! critical consci\sness ( 8 imp]fections4 ,i don't say x's noble or "r--9 fact1 ,i ?9k x is probably ung5]\s--b ,i ?9k x is natural4 ,yes1 !re is a good deal 9 t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ought n ! tra9$ critics to )/& x8 ,! tra9$ critic1 said ,gladw91 ! man :o sells 8 op9ion ( a "w ( art = money1 is1 ( c\rse1 ! debas$ outcome ( a degrad+ sy/em4 ,if y press me1 ,i %\ld consid] t bo? ! extravagant laudation & ! equally extravagant reaction are entirely vulg> & horrible4 ,p]sonally1 ,i am n easily pleas$3 b !n :at does x matt] :e!r ,i am pleas$ or n8 ,b y sometimes br+ y\rself to =m1 & ev5 express1 an op9ion8 said ,fa!r ,payne ) a smile4 ,an op9ion--an op9ion--said ,gladw91 %ak+ 8 head1 ,i don't "k t ,i ev] get s f> z t4 ,"o has a k9d ( feel+1 no d\bt2 b x is s f> und]gr\nd1 t "o h>dly kn[s :at its op]ations may be4 ',well said1 old mole6 ,can/ "w i' ! e>? s fa/8 ,a wor?y pione]6' said ,payne1 laugh+4 ,gladw9 gave a quick smile3 ,a good quotation6 he said1 t 0 v ready6 ,i congratulate y on t6 ,b !re's m ( ! mole ?an ! pione] ab\t my "w1 su* z x is6 ,gladw9 drift$ ab\t ! next day l a tir$ fairy4 ,he _h a long conf]5ce ) ,fa!r ,payne1 & at d9n] he seem$ alo(1 & h>dly spoke at all4 ,he vani%$ ! next day ) an air ( relief4 ,well1 :at did y ?9k ( our gue/8 said ,fa!r ,payne to me1 meet+ me 9 ! g>d5 be=e d9n]4 ,well1 ,i said1 he seem$ to me an unhappy1 heavily-burd5$ man--b he 0 evid5tly extraord9>ily able4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t's ab\t x4 ,8 m9d is too big = him to c>ry4 ,he sees ev]y?+1 und]/&s ev]y?+1 & passes judgm5t on ev]y?+4 ,b he hasn't en\gh vitality4 ,x mu/ be an awful curse to h no illusions--to see ! inf]iority ( ev]y?+ s cle>ly4 ,he's awfully lonely1 & ,i mu/ try to see m ( him4 ,b x is v difficult4 ,i us$ to amuse him1 & he appo9t$ me1 9 a way he has1 a sort ( ,/ate ,je/]--,royal ,lett]s ,pat5t1 y "k4 ,b !n he began to detect ! commonness ( my m9d & ta/e1 &1 "o by "o1 all ! av5ues ( communication became clos$4 ,if ,i lik$ a book :i* he dislik$1 & prais$ x to him1 he became inflict$ ) a k9d ( m5tal nausea3 & x's impossible to see mu* ( a man1 ) any real com=t1 :5 y realise t y are con/antly turn+ him fa9t & sick4 ,i _h a dre>y "t ) him ye/]day4 ,he produc$ "s critical essays ( 8 own1 :i* he 0 ?9k+ ( mak+ into a book4 ,!y 7 awfully dry1 l figs :i* h be5 kept too long--n a drop ( juice 9 !m4 ,!y 7 hide\sly acute1 ,i saw t4 ,b !re wasn't any reason :y !y %\ld h be5 writt54 ,!y 7 m]e dissections3 ,i sugge/$ t he %\ld call !m ',depreciations1' & he %iv]$1 & ,i felt a brute4 ,b t didn't la/ long1 because he has a way ( putt+ y 9 y\r place4 ,i felt l some?+ 9 a nightm>e he 0 hav+4 ,he annexes y1 & he disapproves ( y at ! same "t4 ,i am awfully sorry = him1 b ,i c't help him4 ,! mom5t ,i try1 ,i run up aga9/ 8 disapproval1 & my vulg> _s revolts4 ,he's an ari/ocrat1 ?r\gh & ?r\gh4 ,he comes & hoi/s 8 flag ov] a place4 ,i felt all ye/]day z if ,i 7 a r unwelcome gue/ 9 8 h\se1 y "k4 ,x's a /ifl+ atmosph]e4 ,i c't brea! or speak1 because ,i in/antly feel myself suspect$ ( crudity6 ,! tru? is t ,gladw9 ?9ks y c live ^u light1 & =gets t y also want air4 ,x seems r a gha/ly bus9ess1 ,i said4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x's a wret*$ bus9ess6 ,t comb9ation ( great s5sitiv5ess & great self-righte\sness is ! mo/ melan*oly ?+ ,i "k4 ,y h to get rid ( "o or ! o!r--& yet t is h[ ,gladw9 is made4 ,n[1 ,i h pl5ty ( op9ions ( my own1 b ,i don't consid] !m f9al or absolute4 ,x ends1 ( c\rse1 9 poor ,gladw9 kn[+ ab\t a hundr$? "p ( :at is go+ on 9 ! _w1 & ?9k+ t x's d--d bad4 ,( c\rse x is1 if y neglect ! o!r n9ety-n9e p>ts altoge!r6 ,,xliv ,,( ,,wor%ip ,x 0 "o ( ^? p]fectly f9e & radiant days ( e>ly summ]1 ) a t\* ( ea/]ly ab\t ! breeze1 :i* means p]haps a dri] air1 & always seems to br+ out ! true col\rs ( our c\ntryside1 z ) a t\* ( e!real gold5-t+$ v>ni%4 ,! humid ra9-wa%$ days1 s common 9 ,engl&1 are beautiful en\gh1 ) _! roll+ cl\d-ranges & _! s(t mi/9ess3 b ! cle> sp>kle ( ?is bright] wea!r1 summ] )\t its haze1 int5sify+ ea* tone ( col\r & %>ply def9+ ea* sev]al t9t1 has a special beauty ( =m z well z ( hue4 ,i walk$ ) ,fa!r ,payne f> among ! fields4 ,he 0 at fir/ 9 a sil5t mood1 obs]v+ & enjoy+4 ,we pass$ a field c>pet$ ) butt]cups1 & he said1 ,t's a beautiful t\*1 '! fl[]-enamell$ field'--x isn't j wa%$ ) col\r1 x is l hamm]$ "w ( beat5 gold1 l ! lett]s 9 old missals6 ,pres5tly he bur/ out into talk3 ,i don't want to say any?+ affect$1 he began1 b a day l ?is1 out 9 ! c\ntry1 gives me a /rong] feel+ ( :at ,i c only describe z wor%ip ?an any?+ else 9 ! _w1 because ! sc5e holds ! beauty ( life s firmly up be=e y4 ,wor%ip means ! s5se ( ! unmi/akable pres5ce ( beauty1 ,i am sure--a beauty great & ov]:elm+1 :i* "o has _h no "p 9 mak+--',! sea is ,81 & ,he made x1 & ,8 h&s prep>$ ! dry l&4 ,o come1 let u wor%ip & fall d[n1 & kneel be=e ! ,"l our ,mak]'--x's t exactly--a s5se ( joyful abasem5t 9 ! pres5ce ( some?+ great & inf9itely beautiful4 ,i d wi% t 7 m cle>ly /at$ & und]/ood & believ$4 ,religion1 z we "k x 9 its te*nical s5se1 is s fa9t-he>t$ ab\t x all6 ,x has limit$ wor%ip to ?+s beautiful en\gh1 ar*es & music & c]emony3 & x is s afraid ( vagu5ess1 s consid]ate ( man's feeble grasp & small outlook1 t x is afraid ( recognis+ all ! *annels by :i* t s5se is communicat$1 = fe> ( weak5+ a special effect4 ,i'll tell y two or ?ree ( ! exp]i5ces ,i mean4 ,y "k old ,mrs4 ,*etwynd1 :o is fad+ away 9 t little cottage beyond ! *ur*y>d4 ,%e is poor1 old1 ill4 ,%e c h>dly be said to h a s+le pleasure1 z y & ,i reckon pleasures4 ,%e j lies !re 9 t poky room wait+ = dea?1 always absolutely pati5t & affectionate & sweet-temp]$1 grateful = ev]y?+1 nev] say+ a h>d or cross ^w4 ,well1 ,i g to see h] sometimes--n z (t5 z ,i ought4 ,%e %akes h&s ) t old knott$-look+ h& ( h]s :i* has gr[n s(t en\gh n[ aft] its endless lab\rs4 ,%e talks a little--%e is int]e/$ 9 all ! news1 %e doesn't regret ?+s1 or compla91 or ?9k x h>d t %e c't be out & ab\t4 ,aft] ,i h be5 ) h] = two m9utes1 ) h] bright old eyes look+ at me out ( su* a ?icket1 s to speak1 ( wr9kles1--h] face simply hack$ & seam$ by life1--,i feel myself 9 ! pres5ce ( some?+ v div9e inde$1--a p]fectly pure1 t5d]1 joyful1 human _s1 suff]+ ! la/ extremity ( discom=t & infirmity1 & yet entirely radiant & undimm$4 ,x is !n t ,i feel incl9$ to kneel d[n be=e ,god1 & ?ank ,him humbly = hav+ made & %[n me s utt]ly beautiful a ?+ z t poor old woman's c\rage & sweetness4 ,i feel z ,i suppose ! dev\t ,ca?olic feels be=e ! res]v$ ,sacram5t 9 ! %r9e--9 ! pres5ce ( a div9e my/]y2 & ,i rejoice sil5tly t ,god is :at ,he is1 & t ,i see ,him = once unveil$4 ,& !n ! sight ( a happy & cont5t$ *ild1 k9d & spirit$ & affectionate1 l little ,molly ,ak]s1 nev] mak+ a fuss1 or seem+ to want ?+s = h]self1 or cross1 or tiresome--t gives me ! same feel+6 ,!n fl[]s (t5 give me ! same feel+1 ) _! cleanness & fre% beauty & pure outl9e & sweet sc5t--s useless 9 a way1 (t5 s unreg>d$1 & yet s cont5t j to be :at !y are1 s ap>t f e /a9 & evil passion4 ,& !n 9 ! middle ( t y see a man l ,b>l[ /umbl+ home tipsy to 8 fright5$ wife & *ildr51 or y read a bad case 9 ! pap]s1 or a lett] f a man ( virtue f9d+ fault ) ev]ybody & sl++ pi\s ,bill+sgate ab\t3 or ,i lose my own temp] ab\t some?+1 & feel ,i h made a ha% ( my life--& !n ,i wond] :at is ! f\l poison t has got into ?+s1 & :at is ! dismal ugl9ess t seems sme>$ all ov] life1 s t ! s\l seems l a beautiful bird caught 9 a slime-pit1 & try+ to /ruggle out1 ) its p9ions f\l$ & dabbl$1 wond]+ mis]ably :at x has done to be s fil?ily hamp]$4 ,he /opp$ = a m9ute1 & ,i c\ld see t 8 eyes 7 full ( te>s4 ,x is no good giv+ up ! game6 he said4 ,we are 9 ! devil ( a mess1 no d\bt3 & ev5 if we try our be/ to avoid x1 we dip into ! slime sometimes6 ,b we mu/ hold fa/ to ! beautiful ?+s1 & be on ! look-out = !m ev]y:]e4 ,n %ut our eyes 9 a rapture ( s5tim5t1 & ?9k t we c3 ',walk all day1 l ! ,sultan ( old1 9 a g>d5 ( spice6' ,t won't d1 ( c\rse6 ,we c't get out ( x l t6 ,b we mu/ nev] all[ ourselves to d\bt ! beauty & goodness ( ,god1 or make any mi/ake ab\t :i* side ,he is on4 ,! m>vel ( de> old ,mrs4 ,*etwynd is j t beauty has triumph$1 9 spite ( ev]y?+4 ,) e k9d ( tr\ble1 e temptation to be dispirit$ & spiteful & wret*$1 t f9e _s has got ?r\gh--&1 by ,george1 ,i envy h] ! awak5+1 :5 t sweet old s\l slips away f ! cage :]e %e is caught1 & goes /raight to ! arms ( ,god6 ,he turn$ away f me z he said ?is1 & ,i c\ld see t he /ruggl$ ) a sob4 ,!n he look$ at me ) a smile1 & put 8 arm 9 m9e4 ,old man1 he said1 ,i oughtn't to behave l ?is--b a day l ?is1 :5 ! _w looks z x 0 meant to look1 & z1 please ,god1 x w look m & m1 goes to my he>t6 ,i seem to see :at ,god desires1 & :at ,he c't br+ ab\t yet1 = all ,8 pa9s4 ,& ,i want to help ,him1 if ,i c6 ',we too6 ,we ask no pl$ge ( grace1 ,no ra9 ( fire1 no heav5-hung sign4 ,?y ne$ is writt5 on ,?y face-- ,take ,?\ our help1 z we take ,?9e6' ,t's :at ,i mean by wor%ip--! desire to be us$ 9 ! s]vice ( a ,p[] t longs to make ?+s pure & happy1 ) groan+s t _c be utt]$4 ,! wor/ ( "s k9ds ( wor%ip is t !y drug y ) a sort ( lu/ = beauty1 :i* makes y afraid to g back & pick up y\r spade4 ,we mu/n't swoon 9 happ9ess or delight1 b if we say ',take me1 use me1 let me help6' x is diff]5t1 because we want to %>e :atev] is giv5 u1 to h& x on1 n to pile x up4 ,( c\rse x's little en\gh t we c d3 b ?9k ( old ,mrs4 ,*etwynd aga9--:at has %e to give8 ,yet x is m ?an ,solomon 9 all 8 beauty _h to (f]4 ,we mu/ be simple1 we mu/n't be ambiti\s4 ,d y rememb] ! old /atesman :o1 prais+ a dis9t]e/$ man1 said t he 0 t r>e & s+ul> type ( man :o did public "w = ! sake ( ! public8 ,t's :at ,i want y to d--t is :at a writ] c d4 ,he c rem9d ! _w ( beauty & simplicity & purity4 ,he c be 'a mess5g]1 an int]pret]1 "o among a ?\s&1 to %[ unto man 8 uprightness6' ,t's :at y h got to d1 old boy6 ,don't %[ unto man 8 na/9ess--don't %[ him up6 ,keep on rem9d+ him ( :at he really is or c be4 ,he w5t on aft] a mom5t4 ,i ought n to talk l ?is1 he said1 because ,i h fail$ all along ! l9e4 ',i put 9 my ?umb & pull out a plum1' l ,jack ,hom]4 ,i try a little to h& x on1 b x is awfully nice1 y "k1 t plum6 ,i don't pret5d x isn't4 ,:y1 ,fa!r1 ,i said1 mu* mov$ at 8 k9d s9c]ity1 ,i don't "k anyone 9 ! _w :o eats few] ( 8 plums ?an y6 ,ah1 t's a fri5dly ^w6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b y c't c\nt ! plum-/ones on my plate4 ,we did n say mu* aft] ?is4 ,we walk$ back 9 ! summ] twilight1 & my m9d began to /ir & so>1 z inde$ x (t5 did :5 ,fa!r ,payne %[$ me 8 he>t 9 all its /r5g? & cleanness4 ,no "o :om ,i ev] met _h 8 p[] ( light+ a flame ( pure desire & beautiful hopefulness1 9 ! fire ( :i* all t 0 base & mean seem$ to %rivel away4 ,,xlv ,,( ,a ,,*ange ,,( ,,religion ,i 0 walk+ "o day ) ,fa!r ,payne2 he said to me1 ,i h be5 read+ ,newman's ,apologia ov] aga9--,i mu/ h read x a doz5 times6 ,x is surely "o ( ! mo/ beautiful & s+ul> books 9 ! :ole _w8--& ,i ?9k t ! /range/ s5t5ce 9 x is ?is1--',:o w\ld ev] dream ( mak+ ! _w 8 confidant8' ,did ,newman1 d y suppose1 n realise t he _h done t8 ,& :at is /rang] /ill1 did he n "k t he _h told ! _w1 n ! trivial ?+s1 ! little ta/es & fancies :i* anyone might he>1 b ! mo/ intimate & sacr$ ?+s1 :i* a man w\ld h>dly d>e to say to ,god ^u 8 knees4 ,newman seems to me 9 t book to h torn out 8 beat+ & palpitat+ he>t1 & set x 9 a cry/al phial = all ! _w to gaze ^u4 ,& fur!r1 did ,newman really n "k t ?is 0 :at he always desir$ to d & mo/ly did--to confide 9 ! _w1 to tell 8 /ory z a *ild might tell x to a "m8 ,x is cle> to me t ,newman 0 a man :o did n only desire to be lov$ by a few fri5ds1 b wi%$ ev]ybody to love him4 ,i w n say t he 0 nev] happy till he _h told 8 tale1 & ,i w n say t arti/-l he lov$ applause3 b he did n wi% to be hidd51 & he e>ne/ly desir$ to be approv$4 ,he crav$ to be all[$ to say :at he ?\ght--x is pa!tic to he> him say s (t5 h[ 'fi]ce' he 0--& yet he hat$ suspicion & ho/ility & misund]/&+3 & ?\gh he lov$ a ref9$ sort ( quiet1 he ev5 m lov$1 ,i ?9k1 to be ! c5tre ( a fuss6 ,i feel little d\bt 9 my own m9d t1 ev5 :5 he 0 liv+ mo/ retir$1 he wi%$ p to be curi\s ab\t :at he 0 do+4 ,he 0 "o ( ^? m5 :o felt he _h a special mission1 a prophetical function4 ,he 0 a dramatic creature1 a p]=m]1 y "k4 ,he read ! lessons l an actor3 he prea*$ l an actor2 he 0 int5sely self-consci\s4 ,naturally en\gh6 ,if y feel l a prophet1 ! "o sign ( failure is t y\r audi5ce melts away4 ,fa!r ,payne paus$ a mom5t1 lo/ 9 ?\ght4 ,b1 ,i said1 d y mean t ,newman calculat$ all 8 effects8 ,oh1 n delib]ately1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b he 0 an arti/ pure & simple--he 0 nev] less by himself ?an :5 he 0 alone1 z ! old ,provo/ ( ,oriel said ( him4 ,he liv$ dramatically by a k9d ( in/9ct4 ,! unselfconsci\s man goes 8 own way1 & does n bo!r 8 head ab\t o!r p3 b ,newman 0 n l t4 ,:5 he 0 read+1 x 0 always l ! portrait ( a /ud5t read+4 ,t's ! arti/'s way--he is always liv+ 9 a sort ( picture-frame4 ,:y1 y c see f ! ,apologia1 :i* he wrote 9 a few weeks1 & (t51 z he once said1 9 te>s1 h[ t5d]ly & eag]ly he rememb]$ all he _h ev] done or ?\ght4 ,8 descriptions ( himself are always romantic3 he liv$ 9 memories1 l all poets4 ,b t gives "o a disagreeable s5se ( unreality--( pose1 ,i said4 ,ah1 b t's v %ort-sight$1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,newman's 0 a beautiful _s--wond]fully t5d]-he>t$1 self-re/ra9$1 g5tle1 s5sitive1 beauty-lov+4 ,he lov$ beauty z mu* z any man :o ev] liv$--beautiful conduct1 beautiful life--& !n 8 gift ( expression6 ,!re's a m>vell\s ?+4 ,x's pure poetry1 mo/ ( ! ,apologia3 look at ! way he fla%es into metaphor1 at 8 exquisite pictures ( p]sons1 at 8 irony1 8 c\rtesy1 8 hum\r1 8 pa?os4 ,he & ,rusk9 knew exactly h[ to confide 9 ! _w1 h[ to humiliate !mselves gracefully 9 public1 h[ to laugh at !mselves1 h[ to be gay--x's all s well-br$1 s delicate6 ,dep5d ^u x1 t's ! way to make ! _w love y--to tell x all ab\t y\rself l a *>m+ *ild1 )\t any boa/+ or bragg+4 ,! _w is awfully /upid6 ,x adores well-br$ egotism4 ,we are all deeply inquisitive ab\t p2 & if y c reveal y\rself )\t vanity1 & are a lovable creature1 ! _w w ov]:elm y ) love4 ,y c't pay ! _w a great] complim5t ?an to op5 y\r he>t to x4 ,y mu/ n bore x1 ( c\rse1 nor mu/ y seem to be dem&+ its applause4 ,y mu/ j seem to be 9 ne$ ( sympa?y & com=t4 ,y mu/ be a little sad1 a little tir$1 a little bewild]$4 ,i don't say t is easy to d1 & a man mu/ n set out to d x4 ,b if a man has got some?+ *ildlike & innoc5t ab\t him1 & a nave way ) him1 ! _w w take him to its he>t4 ,! _w loves to pity1 to compassionate1 to sympa?ise1 mu* m ?an x loves to admire4 ,b :at ab\t ! religi\s side ( x all8 ,i said4 ,ah1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i ?9k t is m t\*+ /ill4 ,! p :o *ange _! religion1 z x is call$1--!re is some?+ extremely captivat+ ab\t !m z a rule4 ,to want to *ange y\r =m ( religion simply means t y are unhappy & uneasy4 ,y want m beauty1 or m assurance1 or m sympa?y1 or m antiquity4 ,h y nev] notic$ h[ all conv]ts p]sonify _! new ,*ur* 9 fem99e t]ms8 ,%e becomes a ,madonna1 some?+ at once mo!rly & "y4 ,x is ! passion ) :i* ! *ild turns away f :at is male & r\gh1 to ! "m1 ! nurse1 ! eld] si/]4 ,! conv]t isn't really 9 se>* ( dogmas & doctr9es3 he is 9 love ) a pres5ce1 a %ape1 some?+ :i* c clasp & embrace & love him4 ,i don't feel any real d\bt ( t4 ,! man :o turns away to "s o!r =m ( fai? wants a home4 ,he sees ! ugl9ess1 ! spite1 ! malice1 ! cont5ti\sness ( 8 own ,*ur*4 ,he loa!s ! h>dness & un*>itabl5ess ( x2 he is l a boy at s*ool sick = home4 ,to me ,newman's logic is l ! ef=t ( a man desp]ately con/ruct+ a bridge to escape to ! o!r side ( ! riv]4 ,! l& beyond is l a l&scape se5 f a hill1 a sc5e ( woods & wat]s1 ( fields & hamlets--ev]y?+ seems peaceful & idyllic !re4 ,he wants ! w+s ( a dove1 to flee away & be at re/4 ,x is ! same feel+ :i* makes p wi% to travel4 ,:5 y travel1 ! new l& is a spectacul> ?+--x is all a picture4 ,x is n t y crave to live 9 a =eign l&3 y m]ely want ! luxury ( see+ life )\t liv+ life4 ,no ord9>y p]son goes to live 9 ,italy because he has /udi$ ! political con/itution & organisation ( ,italy1 & pref]s x to t ( ,engl&4 ,s1 too1 ! *>m ( a religi\s conv]sion is t x doesn't seem unpatriotic to d x--b y get ! feel ( a new c\ntry )\t hav+ to quit y\r own4 ,& ! ess5ce ( x is a flight f conditions :i* y dread & dislike4 ,( c\rse ,newman does n describe x s--t is all a "p ( 8 guilelessness--he speaks ( ! %ad[ ( a h& ^u ! wall3 b ,i don't d\bt t 8 subconsci\s m9d ?rill$ ) ! s5se ( a possible escape t way4 ,8 he>t 0 conv]t$ long be=e 8 m9d4 ,:at he hat$ 9 ! ,engli% ,*ur* 0 hav+ to decide = himself--he want$ to lean on some?+1 to put himself inside a /ronghold3 he want$ to obey4 ,"s p dislike ! way 9 :i* he made himself obey1--! way he argu$ himself into hold+ ?+s :i* 7 frankly irrational4 ,b ,i don't m9d t6 ,x is ! pleasure ( ! *ild 9 be+ told :at to d in/ead ( hav+ to amuse itself4 ,he 0 sil5t = a little1 & !n he said3 ,i see x all s cle>ly1 & yet ( c\rse x is 9 a s5se inconceivable to me1 because to my m9d all ! ,*ur*es h got a burd5 ( belief :i* !y c't c>ry4 ,! ,gospel is simple en\gh1 & x is z mu* z ,i c d to live on ^? l9es4 ,besides1 ,i don't want to obey--,i want to obey z little z ,i c6 ,! ecclesia/ical & ! !ological tradition is all a _w ( %ad[s to me4 ,i c't be b\nd by ! pi\s fancies ( m5 :o knew no sci5ce1 & v little ab\t evid5ce ( any k9d4 ,:at ,i want is j a simple & beautiful pr9ciple ( liv+1 su* z ,i feel ?rills ?r\gh ! words ( ,*ri/4 ,! ,prodigal ,son--t's almo/ en\gh = me6 ,x is simplification t ,i want1 & indep5d5ce4 ,( c\rse ,i see t if t isn't :at a man wants1 if he requires t some?+ or someone %\ld be infallible1 !n he does require a good deal ( argum5t & in=mation & hi/ory4 ,b ?\gh ,i don't object to p :o want all t1 x isn't :at ,i am 9 se>* (4 ,i want z mu* /rong emotion & z little sy/em z ,i c get4 ,by emotion ,i don't mean s5tim5t1 b real motives = act+ or n act+4 ,i want to he> someone say+1 ',come up hi!r1' & to see some?+ 9 8 face :i* makes me believe he sees some?+ t ,i don't see & t ,i wi% to see4 ,i don't feel t ) ,newman6 ,he is fifty times bett] ?an myself1 b ,i c\ldn't d ! ?+ 9 8 way1 ?\gh ,i love him ) all my he>t3 x's a quiet sort ( bro!rhood t ,i want1 & n too _m rules4 ,9 fact1 x is laws ,i want1 & n rules1 & to feel ! laws r ?an to "k !m1 ,i c't help feel+ t ,newman sp5t too mu* ( 8 "t 9 ! law-c\rt1 plead+ & argu+3 & x's /uffy 9 !re6 ,b he w rema9 = ev] "o ( ^? figures :om ! _w w love1 because x c pity him z well z admire him4 ,newman goes to "o's head1 y "k1 or to "o's he>t6 ,& ,i expect t x 0 exactly :at he want$ to d all ! "t6 ,,xlvi ,,( ,,affection ,fa!r ,payne1 on our walks1 inv>iably /opp$ & spoke to animals4 ,i w n say t animals 7 always fond ( him1 because t is a privilege conf9$ to sa9ts1 & h]oes ( romantic leg5ds4 ,b !y g5]ally respond$ to 8 advances4 ,x us$ to amuse me to he> ! way he us$ to talk to animals4 ,he w\ld /op to :i/le to a cag$ bird3 ,y l y\r little prison1 don't y1 sweet8 he w\ld say4 ,or he w\ld apo/rophise a cat1 ,well1 ,ma'am1 y mu/ f9d x we>+ to c>ry on y\r exp$itions all night1 & to live ! life ( a dome/ic sa9t all day8 ,i ask$ him once :y he did n keep a dog1 :5 he 0 s fond ( animals4 ,oh1 ,i c\ldn't1 he said2 x is s dreadful :5 dogs get old & ill1 & :5 !y die6 ,x's s5tim5t1 too2 & ,i c't af=d to multiply emotions--!re are too _m z x is6 ,besides1 !re is some?+ r t]rible to me ab\t ! affection ( a dog--x's s unreasonable a devotion1 & ,i l m critical affections--,i pref] to e>n affection6 ,i read some:]e ! o!r day1 he w5t on1 t x might easily be argu$ t ! dog 0 a high] flight ( nature ev5 ?an man2 t man has gone ahead 9 m9d & inv5tiv5ess2 b t ! dog is on ! :ole ! bett] ,*ri/ian1 because he does by in/9ct :at man fails to d by int5tion--he is s sympa!tic1 s unres5tful1 s tru/ful6 ,x is really amaz+1 if y come to ?9k ( x1 ! dog's p[] ( atta*m5t to ano!r species4 ,we mu/ seem v my/]i\s to dogs1 & yet !y nev] "q our "r to use !m z we w1 :ile no?+ %akes _! love4 ,& !n !re is some?+ wond]ful 9 ! way 9 :i* ! dog1 h[ev] old he is1 always wants to play4 ,mo/ animals "p ) t aft] _! fir/ y\?2 b a dog plays1 p>tly = ! fun ( x1 & p>tly to make sure t y l 8 company & are happy4 ,& yet x is a little undignifi$ to c>e = p l t1 y "k6 ,h[ ought "o to c>e = p8 ,i said4 ,ah1 t's a l>ge "q1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ! duty ( lov+--x's a contradiction 9 t]ms6 ,to love p seems ! "o ?+ 9 ! _w y _c d because y ought to d x2 & yet to love y\r neighb\r z y\rself c't only mean to behave z if y lov$ him4 ,& !n1 :at does c>+ ab\t p mean8 ,x seems impossible to say4 ,x isn't t y want any?+ :i* !y c give y--x isn't t !y ne$ any?+ y c give !m2 x isn't always ev5 t y want to see !m4 ,!re are p = :om ,i c>e :o r bore me2 !re are p :o c>e = me :o bore me to ext9ction2 & aga9 !re are p ^: company ,i l = :om ,i don't c>e4 ,x isn't always by any means t ,i admire ! p = :om ,i c>e4 ,i see _! faults1 ,i don't want to resemble !m4 ,!n1 too1 !re h be5 p = :om ,i h c>$ v mu*1 & want$ to please1 :o h n c>$ 9 ! lea/ = me4 ,"s ( ! be/-lov$ p 9 ! _w seem to h _h v little love to give away6 ,i h a sort ( feel+ t ! p :o evoke mo/ affection are ! p :o h some?+ ( ! *ild always 9 !m--some?+ petulant1 wilful1 self-absorb$1 claim+ sympa?y & att5tion4 ,x is a c]ta9 innoc5ce & fre%ness t we love1 ,i ?9k2 ! quality t seems to say1 ',oh1 d make me happy'2 & ,i ?9k t c>+ = p g5]ally means j t y w\ld l to make !m happy1 or t !y h x 9 _! p[] to make y happy4 ,i ?9k x is a k9d ( conspiracy to be happy toge!r1 if possible4 ,probably ! mi/ake we make is to ?9k x is "o def9ite ?+1 :5 a good _m ?+s g to make x up4 ,i h be5 int]e/$ 9 a v l>ge numb] ( p--9 fact1 ,i am g5]ally int]e/$ 9 p2 b ,i hav5't c>$ = all ( !m1 :ile ,i h c>$ = a good _m p 9 :om ,i h n be5 at all int]e/$4 ,b x is easi] to say :at ! qualities are t repel affection1 ?an :at ! qualities are :i* attract x4 ,i don't ?9k any faults prev5t x1 if p are sorry = _! faults & are sorry to h hurt y4 ,x seems to me impossible to c>e = spiteful p1 or = ! p :o turn on y 9 a sudd5 ang]1 & don't want to be =giv51 b are glad to h made y fe> !m4 ,i don't c>e = p :o claim affection z a "r1 or :o b>ga9 = sacrifices4 ,! b>ga9+ elem5t mu/ be :olly abs5t f affection4 ,! feel+ 'x is y\r turn to be nice' is fatal to x4 ,no1 ,i ?9k t x is a feel+ t y c live at peace ) ! p>ticul> p]son t is ! basis ( fri5d%ip4 ,! elem5t ( reproa* mu/ be :olly abs5t3 ,i don't mean ! elem5t ( criticism--t c be imp]sonal--b ! feel+ 'y ought n to behave l ?is to me4' ,fa!r ,payne relaps$ into sil5ce4 ,b1 ,i said1 surely ! p :o make claims = affection are v (t5 mo/ belov$1 ev5 :5 !y are unju/1 inconsid]ate1 ill-temp]$8 ,by wom51 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b n by m5--& !re's ano!r difficulty4 ,m5 & wom5 mean su* utt]ly diff]5t ?+s by affection1 t !y c't ev5 discuss x toge!r4 ,wom5 w d any?+ = y1 if y claim _! help1 & make x cle> t y ne$ !m2 !y w love y if y d t4 ,a man1 on ! o!r h&1 w (t5 d 8 v be/ to help y1 if y appeal to him1 b he won't c>e = y1 z a rule1 9 consequ5ce4 ,wom5 l emotional surprises1 m5 d n4 ,a man wants to get done ) excitem5t1 & to ent] on an easy p>tn]%ip--wom5 l ! excitem5t m ?an ! ease4 ,& !n x is all complicat$ by ! admixture ( ! mascul9e & fem99e temp]am5ts4 ,z a rule1 h[ev]1 wom5 are int]e/$ 9 moody temp]am5ts1 & m5 are bor$ by !m4 ,p]sonally1 my own pleasure 9 meet+ a real fri5d1 or 9 he>+ f a fri5d1 is ! pleasure ( feel+ ',yes1 y are !re1 j ! same1'--x's ! tranquillity t "o values4 ,! possibility ( f9d+ a man angry or petti% is unpleasant to me4 ,i feel 's all ?is nons5se has to be cle>$ away aga96' ,i don't want to be que/ion$ & scrut9is$1 ) a s5se t ,i am on my trial4 ,i don't m9d an ironical lett]1 :i* %[s t a fri5d is fully aw>e ( my faults & foibles2 b x's an end ( all fri5d%ip ) me if ,i feel a man is b5t on improv+ me1 especially if x is = 8 own conv5i5ce4 ,i'm sure t ! fault-f9d+ elem5t is fatal to affection4 ,t may s\nd weak1 b ,i c't be made to feel t ,i am responsible to o!r p4 ,i don't recognise anyone's "r to c5sure me4 ,a man may criticise me if he likes1 b he mu/n't impose ^u me ! duty ( liv+ up to 8 ideal4 ,i don't believe t ev5 ,god does t6 ,i don't und]/&1 ,i said4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i don't believe t ,god says1 ',?is is my law1 & y mu/ obey x because ,i *oose1 ,i believe ,he says1 ',?is is ! law1 = ,me z well z = y1 & y w n be happy till y obey x1'--,yes1 ,i h got x1 ,i believe--! ess5ce ( affection is equality4 ,i don't mean t y may n recognise sup]iorities 9 y\r fri5d1 & he 9 y2 b !y mu/ n come into ! "q ( affection4 ,love makes equal1 & :5 !re is a real s5se ( equality1 love c beg94 ,b1 ,i said1 ! passion ( lov]s--isn't t all bas$ on ! wor%ip ( some?+ inf9itely sup]ior to oneself8 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b t means a sight ( some?+ beyond--( ! ?+ :i* we all love--beauty4 ,i don't say t equality is ! ?+ we love--x's only ! condition ( lov+4 ,! lov] c't love1 if he feels himself really unwor?y ( love4 ,he mu/ believe t at wor/ he c be lov$1 ?\gh he may be a/oni%$ at be+ lov$2 x is 9 love t x is possible to meet2 x is love t br+s beauty )9 y\r rea*1 or d[n1 to y\r level4 ,x is beauty t y love 9 y\r fri5d1 n 8 "r to improve y4 ,he is :at y want to be2 & ! com=t ( be+ lov$ is ! com=t ( feel+ t !re is "s t\* ( ! same beauty 9 y\rself4 ,x is s easy to feel dre>y1 /upid1 commonplace--& !n someone appe>s1 & y see 9 8 glance & talk t !re is1 aft] all1 "s t\* ( ! same ?+ 9 y\rself :i* y love 9 him1 "s t\* ( ! beauty :i* y love 9 ,god4 ,b ! glory ( beauty is t x is conc]n$ ) be+ beautiful & becom+ beautiful--n 9 mock+ or despis+ or f9d+ fault or improv+4 ,love is ! f9d+ y\r fri5d beautiful 9 m9d & he>t1 & ! joy ( be+ lov$ is ! s5se t y are beautiful to him--t y are equal 9 t6 ,:5 y once "k t1 little qu>rels & frictions d n matt]--:at does matt] is ! recognis+ ( "s ugly ?+ :i* ! man :om y ?\ght 0 y\r fri5d really cl+s to & wor%ips4 ,faults d n matt] if only ! fri5d is aw>e ( !m1 & a%am$ ( !m3 x is ! self-consci\s fault1 pr\d ( its p[] to w\nd1 & us+ affection z ! *annel along :i* ! env5om$ /ream may fl[1 :i* de/roys affection & tru/4 ,!n x comes to ?is1 ,i said1 t affection is a mutual recognition ( beauty & a s5se ( equality8 ,x is t1 m or less1 ,i believe1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i don't mean t fri5ds ne$ be aw>e ( t--y ne$ n philosophise ab\t y\r fri5d%ips--b if y ask me1 z an analy/1 :at x all consi/s 91 ,i believe t ^? are ! ess5tial elem5ts ( x--& ,i believe t x holds good ( ! dog-&-man fri5d%ip z well6 ,,xlvii ,,( ,,respect ,,( ,,p]sons ,fa!r ,payne _h be5 out to lun*eon "o day ) "s neighb\rs4 ,he _h groan$ ov] ! prospect ! day be=e1 & _h compla9$ t su* go+s-on unsettl$ him4 ,well1 ,fa!r1 said ,rose at d9n]1 s y h got ?r\gh y\r ordeal6 ,0 x v bad8 ,bad6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 :y %\ld x be bad8 ,i'm cramm$ ) impressions--,i'm a p]fect m9e ( !m4 ,b y didn't l ! prospect ( go+8 said ,rose4 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i %rank f ! /ra9--y phlegmatic1 ari/ocratic p1--m5-(-!-_w1 blass1 highly-born & highly-plac$1--h no conception ( ! /ra9 ^! ?+s are on a *ild ( nature4 ,y are us$ to su* ?+s1 ,rose1 no d\bt--y d n anticipate a lun*eon-p>ty ) a mixture ( curiosity & gloom4 ,b x is good = me to g to su* affairs--x is l a wat]break 9 a /ream--x a]ates & agitates ! m9d4 ,b y don't realise ! am\nt ( obs]vation ,i br+ to be> on su* an ev5t--! /range h\se1 ! unfamili> food1 ! new inscrutable p--ev]y?+ has to be obs]v$1 dealt )1 if possible acc\nt$ =1 & if unacc\ntable1 !n inflexibly fac$ & recollect$4 ,a torr5t ( impressions has p\r$ 9 ^u me--to say no?+ ( ! anxi\s consid]ation be=eh& ( topics ( conv]sation1 & modes ( inve/igation6 ,to /ay 9 a new h\se cru%es me ) fatigue--& ev5 a little p>ty l ?is1 :i* seems1 ,i d>esay1 to "s ( y1 a negligible1 ev5 a t$i\s ?+1 is to me ri* 9 f>-flung exp]i5ce4 ,mayn't we h ! b5efit ( "s ( x8 said ,rose4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 y may--y mu/1 inde$6 ,i am grateful to y = introduc+ ! subject--x is m graceful ?an if ,i _h simply dive/$ myself ( my impressions unsolicit$4 ,:at 0 x all ab\t8 said ,rose4 ,:y1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ! answ] to t is simple en\gh--x 0 to meet an ,am]ican6 ,i "k t race6 ,:o b an ,am]ican w\ld h he>d ( our little exp]im5t "h1 & n only want$ to "k--!y all d t--b positively arrang$ to "k8 ,yes1 he 0 a h>d-featur$ man--a man ( weal?1 ,i imag9e--f "s place1 ! grotesque & extravagant "n ( :i* ,i c\ld n ev5 accurately reta91 9 ! ,/ate ( ,m9nesota4 ,did he want to try a simil> exp]im5t8 said ,b>?rop4 ,he did n1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i ga!r$ t he _h no su* int5tion--b he desir$ to inve/igate ours4 ,he 0 full ( complim5ts1 ( in=mation1 ev5 ( rhetoric4 ,i h seldom he>d a simple case /at$ m emphatically1 or ) su* cont9u\s emphasis4 ,my m9d simply reel$ be=e x4 ,he pursu$ me z a h>poon] might pursue a :ale4 ,he _h ! :ole ?+ out ( me 9 no "t4 ,he int]rogat$ me z a corkscrew int]rogates a cork4 ,t consum$ ! :ole ( lun*eon4 ,i made a poor %[4 ,my exp]im5t1 su* z x is1 /ood none ( ! te/s he appli$ to x4 ,x appe>$ to be lack+ 9 all e>ne/ness & zeal4 ,i 0 pa9fully consci\s ( my lack ( e>ne/ness4 ',well1 sir1' he said at ! conclusion ( my exam9ation-9-*ief1 ',i seem to detect t ?is bus9ess ( y\rs is conduct$ ma9ly ) a view to y\r own ent]ta9m5t1 & ,i admit t x causes me consid]able disappo9tm5t4' ,! fact is1 my boys1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 survey+ ! table1 t we mu/ be m consci\s ( high] aims "h1 & we mu/ put !m on a m comm]cial foot+6 ,b t 0 n all8 said ,b>?rop4 ,no1 x 0 n all1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 &1 to tell y ! tru?1 ,i 0 m al>m$ by ?an int]e/$ 9 ! ,m9nesota m]*ant4 ,i c\ldn't /ate my case--,i fail$ 9 t--& ,i v mu* d\bt if ,i c\ld h conv9c$ him t !re 0 any?+ 9 x4 ,inde$1 he said t my conceptions ( culture 7 n z cle>-cut z he _h hop$4 ,he seems to h be5 fairly frank1 said ,rose4 ,he 0 frank1 b n uncivil1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,he did n d]ide my abs5ce ( def9it5ess1 he only deplor$ x4 ,b ,i really got m out ( ! subsequ5t talk4 ,we adj\rn$ to a sort ( portico1 a pretty place look+ on to a =mal g>d53 x 0 really v *>m+ly done--a clev] fake ( an1 old g>d51 b ) no?+ really beautiful ab\t x4 ,x look$ z if no "o _h ev] liv$ 9 x1 ?\gh ! illusion ( age 0 skilfully contriv$--old pav+-/ones1 old bricks1 old lead vases1 b all look+ z if !y 7 %y1 & _h only be5 j introduc$ to ea* o!r4 ,!re 0 no h>mony ( use ab\t x4 ,b ! talk--t 0 ! amaz+ ?+6 ,su* pleasant intellig5t p1 nice smil+ wom51 c\rte\s grizzl$ m54 ,by ,jove1 !re wasn't a s+le writ] or arti/ or musician t !y didn't seem to "k intimately6 ,x 0 a lit]>y p>ty1 ,i ga!r$3 b ev5 s !re 0 a haze ( politics & society ab\t x--vi/as ( politicians & p]sonages ( e k9d1 all kn[n intimately1 all ( !m quot$1 ev]y?+ he>d & :isp]$ 9 ! backgr\nd ( ev5ts--we _h no =egr\nds1 ,i c tell y1 no?+ second-h&1 no concealm5ts or retic5ces4 ,ev]yone 9 ! _w wor? kn[+ seem$ to h confid$ _! secrets to t gr\p4 ,x 0 a privilege1 ,i c tell y6 ,we simply swam 9 influ5ces & au!nticities4 ,i seem$ to be 9 ! inn]mo/ %r9e ( ! _w's =ces--:]e !y get ! /eam up1 y "k6 ,b :o are ^! p1 aft] all8 said ,rose4 ,my de> ,rose6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y mu/n't de/roy my illusions 9 t maje/ic mann]6 ,:at w\ld ,i n h giv5 to be able to ask myself t "q6 ,to me !y 7 simply ! inn]mo/ circle1 to :om ! writ]s & arti/s ( ! day told _! dreams1 & f :om !y s\ght enc\ragem5t & sympa?y4 ,t 0 en\gh = me4 ,i /or$ my memory ) anecdotes & noble names1 l ! man 9 ,pride & ,prejudice4 ,b :at did x all come to8 said ,rose4 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 to tell y ! tru?1 x didn't am\nt to v mu*6 ,at ! "t ,i 0 dazzl$ & /upefi$--b subsequ5t reflection has conv9c$ me t ! cook+ 0 bett] ?an ! food1 s to speak4 ,y mean t x 0 mo/ly humbug8 said ,rose4 ,well1 ,i w\ldn't g q z f> z t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b x 0 n v nutritive--no1 ! nutrim5t 0 lack+6 ,come1 ,i'll tell y frankly :at ,i did ?9k1 z ,i came away4 ,i ?\ght ^! pretty p v adv5tur\s1 v quick1 v fri5dly4 ,b ,i don't truly ?9k !y 7 int]e/$ 9 ! real ?+ at all--only int]e/$ 9 ! words ( ! wise1 & 9 ! unconsid]$ trifles ( ! ,major ,prophets1 s to speak4 ,i didn't ?9k x exactly pret5ti\s--b !y obvi\sly only c>$ = p ( e/abli%$ reputation4 ,!y didn't admire ! ideas beh9d1 only ! reputations ( ! p :o said ! ?+s4 ,!y _h und\bt$ly se5 & he>d ! great p--,i confess x amaz$ me to ?9k h[ easily ! m5 ( m>k c be exploit$--b ,i did n disc]n t !y c>$ ab\t ! ?+s repres5t$1--only ab\t ! repres5tatives4 ,! ,am]ican 0 diff]5t4 ,he1 ,i ?9k1 c>$ ab\t ! ideas1 ?\gh he c>$ ab\t !m 9 ! wrong way4 ,i mean t he claim$ to f9d ev]y?+ di/9ct1 :]eas ! big ?+s are naturally indi/9ct4 ,!y loom up 9 a %ad[y way1 & ! ,am]ican 0 exam9+ !m ?r\gh field-glasses4 ,b my o!r fri5ds seem$ to me to be only int]e/$ 9 ! p :o _h ! entre1 s to speak--! prie/s ( ! %r9e4 ,!y _h notic$ ev]y?+ t doesn't matt] ab\t ! high & holy ones--h[ !y look$1 spoke1 dress$1 behav$4 ,x 0 awfully clev]1 "s ( x2 "o ( ! wom5 imitat$ ,leg>d ! essayi/ d[n to ! gr\nd--! way he pontificates1 y "k--b no?+ else4 ,!y 7 simply int]e/$ 9 ! great m51 & n int]e/$ 9 :at make ! great m5 diff]5t f o!r p1 b simply 9 _! resemblance to o!r p4 ,ev5 great p h to eat1 y "k6 ,leg>d himself eats1 ?\gh x's a leisurely process2 & ?is woman imitat$ ! way he =k$ up a bit1 held x till ! bit dropp$ (f1 & put ! empty =k into 8 m\?4 ,x 0 excruciat+ly funny--,i'll admit t4 ,b !y miss$ ! po9t1 aft] all4 ,!y didn't c>e ab\t ,leg>d's books a bit--!y c>$ mu* m ab\t t funny cameo r+ he we>s on 8 tie6 ,x all seems to me horribly vulg>1 said ,kaye4 ,no1 x 0 no m vulg> ?an a dance ( gnats1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,!y 7 all alive1 ^? p4 ,!y 7 j gnats1 n[ ,i come to ?9k ( x6 ,!y _h /ung all ! great m5 ( ! day--ev5 drawn a little blood--& !y 7 intoxicat$ by x4 ,m9d1 ,i don't say t x is wor? do+1 t k9d ( ?+6 ,b !y 7 hav+ _! fun--& ! only mi/ake !y made 0 9 ?9k+ !y c>$ ab\t ^! p = ! "r reasons4 ,no1 ! only really rueful "p ( ! bus9ess 0 ! revelation to me ( :at ! great p c put up )1 9 ! way ( be+ ft$1 & ! ext5t to :i* !y seem able to give !mselves away to ^! pretty wom54 ,x mu/ be en]vat+1 ,i ?9k1 & ev5 exhau/+1 to be s paw$ & c>ess$2 b x's natural en\gh1 & if x amuses !m1 ,i'm n go+ to f9d fault4 ,my only fe> is t ,leg>d & ! re/ ?9k !y are really liv+ ) ^! p4 ,!y are n do+ t2 !y are only be+ rop$ 9 = ! fun ( ! p]=mance4 ,^! *>m+ ladies j ensn>e ! big p1 make !m *att]1 & !n get toge!r1 z !y did to-day1 & comp>e ! locks ( hair !y h snipp$ f _! ,samsons4 ,b x isn't a bit malici\s--x's simply *ildi%2 &1 by ,jove1 ,i enjoy$ myself trem5d\sly4 ,n[1 don't pull a long face1 ,kaye6 ,( c\rse x 0 v *eap--& ,i don't say t anyone ought to enjoy t sort ( ?+ en\gh to pursue x4 ,b if x comes 9 my way1 :y1 x is l a di% ( sweetmeats6 ,i don't approve ( x1 b x 0 l a /ory out ( ,boccaccio1 full ( life & ze/1 ev5 ?\gh ! pe/il5ce 0 at "w d[n 9 ! city4 ,we mu/ n ?9k ill ( life too easily6 ,i don't say t ^! p are liv+ :at is call$ ! highe/ life4 ,b1 aft] all1 ,i only saw !m amus+ !mselves4 ,!re 7 "s *ildr5 ab\t1 nice *ildr51 s5sibly dress$1 well-behav$1 full ( g1 & yet prop]ly drill$4 ,^! wom5 are good wives & good mo!rs2 & ,i expect !y h bo? _s & t5d]ness1 :5 ei!r is want$4 ,i'm n go+ to bemoan _! light-m9d$ness2 at all ev5ts1 ,i ?\ght x 0 v pleasant1 & !y 7 v good to me4 ,!y saw ,i wasn't a fir/-h&] or a ?or\ghbr$1 & !y made x easy = me4 ,no1 x 0 a happy "t = me--&1 by ,george1 h[ !y f$ u6 ,i expect ! wom5 look$ aft] all t4 ,i d>esay t1 z f> z economics g1 x 0 all wrong1 & t ^! p are only a sort ( scum on ! surface ( society4 ,b x is a pretty scum1 %ot ) bright col\rs4 ,anyh[1 x is no good beg9n+ by try+ to alt] !m6 ,if y c\ld alt] ev]y?+ else1 !y w\ld fall into l9e1 because !y are good-hum\r$ & s5sible4 ,& z long z p are k9dly & full ( life1 ,i %all n compla92 ,i w\ld r h t ?an a dre>y high-m9d$ness4 ,fa!r ,payne rose4 ,oh1 d g on1 ,fa!r6 said someone4 ,no1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i'm boil+ ov] ) impressions--rooms1 c>pets1 *9a1 fl[]s1 ladies' dresses6 ,b t mu/ all settle d[n a bit4 ,9 a few days ,i'll int]rogate my memory1 l ,wordswor?1 & see if !re is any?+ ( p]man5t wor? !re6 ,,xlviii ,,( ,,ambiguity ,fa!r ,payne _h be5 li/5+ to "s "w ( m9e3 & he said at ! end1 ,t is graceful en\gh1 & r attractive--b x has a great fault3 x is sometimes ambigu\s4 ,sev]al ( y\r s5t5ces c h m ?an "o mean+4 ,i rememb] once at ,ox=d1 he said1 smil+1 t ,coll9s1 "o ( our lectur]s1 _h be5 go+ ?r\gh a translation-pap] ) me1 & _h told me ?ree q di/9ct ways ( r5d]+ a s5t5ce1 ea* back$ by a great s*ol>4 ,i ask$ him1 ,i rememb]1 :e!r t meant t ! orig9al writ]--x 0 ,livy1 ,i ?9k--_h be5 9 any d\bt z to :at 8 words 7 meant to convey4 ,he laugh$1 & said1 ',no1 ,i don't imag9e t ,livy int5d$ to make 8 mean+ obscure4 ,i expect1 if we took ! passage to him ) ! ?ree r5d]+s1 he w\ld d]ide at lea/ two ( !m1 & possibly all ?ree1 & w\ld po9t out t we simply did n "k ! usage ( "s ^w or phrase :i* w\ld h be5 absolutely cle> to a contempor>y read]1' ,b ,coll9s w5t on to say t !re might also be a real ambiguity ab\t ! passage3 & !n he quot$ ! suppos$ rem>k ( ! bi%op :o decl9$ to we> gait]s1 & said1 ',i %all we> no clo!s to di/+ui% myself f my fell[-,*ri/ians4' ,?is 0 pr9t$ 9 8 biography1 ',i %all we> no clo!s1 to di/+ui% myself f my fell[-,*ri/ians4' ',t s5t5ce may be fairly call$ ambigu\s1' ,coll9s said1 ':5 its s5se s mu* dep5ds ^u punctuation4' ,n[1 ,fa!r ,payne w5t on1 y mu/ rememb]1 9 writ+1 t y write = ! eye1 y don't write = ! e>4 ,a book isn't prim>ily meant to be read al\d3 & y mu/n't resort to tricks ( emphasis1 su* z italics & s =?1 :i* c only be r5d]$ by voice-inflections4 ,x is y\r fir/ duty to be absolutely cle> & limpid4 ,y mu/n't write long involv$ s5t5ces :i* necessitate ! m9d hold+ 9 solution a lot ( qualify+ clauses4 ,y mu/ break up y\r s5t5ces1 & ev5 repeat y\rself r ?an be confus$4 ,!re is no beauty ( /yle l p]fect cle>ness1 & 9 all writ+ my/ification is a fault4 ,y ought nev] to make y\r read] turn back to ! page be=e to see :at y are driv+ at4 ,b surely1 ,i said1 !re are great writ]s l ,c>lyle & ,george ,m]$i?1 = in/ance1 :o h be5 difficult to und]/&4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b t's a fault1 ?\gh x may be a magnific5t fault4 ,x may mean su* a pressure ( ideas & images t ! ?+ c h>dly be writt5 at l5g?--& x may give y a s5se ( exub]ant greatness4 ,y may h to =give a great writ] 8 exub]ance--y may ev5 h to =give him ! tr\ble x co/s to p5etrate 8 exact ?\ghts1 = ! sake ( /eep+ y\rself 9 ! ru% & spl5d\r ( ! /yle4 ,b obscurity isn't a ?+ to aim at = anyone :o is try+ to write2 x may be1 9 ! case ( a great writ]1 a sort ( vocif]\sness :i* intoxicates y3 & ! man may convey a k9d ( inspiration by 8 v obscurities4 ,b x mu/ be an impulse :i* simply ov]p[]s him--x mu/n't be an effect delib]ately plann$4 ,y may p]haps feel ! bigness ( ! ?\ght all ! m 9 ! pres5ce ( a writ] :o1 = all 8 p[]1 c't conf9e ! /ream1 & comes d[n 9 a cat>act ( words4 ,b if y beg9 try+ = an effect1 x is l spla%+ ab\t 9 a pool to make p believe x is a ru%+ riv]4 ,! movem5t mu/n't be y\r own contortions1 b ! spe$ ( ! /ream4 ,if y want to see ! bad side ( obscurity1 look at ,br[n+4 ,! idea is (t5 a v simple "o :5 y get at x2 x's only obscure because x is convey$ by h9ts & j]ks & nudges4 ,9 ,pickwick1 = in/ance1 "o does n read ,j+le's rem>ks = ! und]ly+ ?\ght--only = ! pleasure ( see+ h[ he leaps f /epp+-/one to /epp+-/one4 ,y mu/n't confuse ! pleasure ( unravell+ ?\ght ) ! pleasure ( ?\ght4 ,if y c make y\rself s attractive to y\r read]s t !y love y\r explosions & collisions1 & say ) a half-compassionate delight--'h[ *>act]i/ic--b x is wor? :ile unravell+6' y h a*iev$ a c]ta9 success4 ,b ! *ance is t future ages won't tr\ble y mu*4 ,dis5tangl+ obscurities isn't bad fun = contempor>ies1 :o "k by in/9ct ! nuances ( words2 b x becomes simply a bore a c5tury lat]1 :5 p are n int]e/$ 9 old nuances1 b simply want to "k :at y ?\ght4 ,only s*ol>s love obscurity--b !n !y are detectives1 & n read]s4 ,b isn't x possible to be too obvi\s8 ,i said--to get a namby-pamby way ( writ+--:at a review] calls pa9fully k9d8 ,well1 ( c\rse1 ! ?\ght mu/ be t\gh1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b x's y\r duty to make a t\gh ?\ght dige/ible1 n to make an easy ?\ght t\gh4 ,no1 my boy1 y may dep5d ^u x t1 if y want p to att5d to y1 y mu/ be intelligible4 ,don't1 = ,god's sake1 ?9k t ,c>lyle or ,m]$i? or ,br[n+ meant to be un9telligible1 or ev5 ?\ght !y 7 be+ un9telligible4 ,!y 7 only ?9k+ too concisely or too rapidly = ! read]4 ,b don't y try to produce t sort ( illusion4 ,try to say ?+s l ,newman or ,rusk9--big1 beautiful1 pr(\nd1 delicate ?+s1 ) an almo/ *ildlike navet4 ,t is ! mo/ exquisite k9d ( *>m1 :5 y f9d t half-a-doz5 ( ! simple/ words 9 ! language h express$ a ?\ght :i* holds y spell-b\nd ) its tru? & lovel9ess4 ,t is :at la/s4 ,p want to be f$1 n to be drugg$3 ,t1 ,i believe1 is ! real diff]5ce betwe5 romance & realism1 & ,i am "o ( ^? :o gratefully believe t romance has _h its day4 ,we want ! romance t comes f realism1 n ! romance :i* comes by neglect+ x4 ,b t's ano!r subject4 ,,xlix ,,( ,,belief ,i don't ?9k !re is a s+le ^w 9 ! ,engli% language1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 :i* is responsible = su* unhapp9ess z ! ^w 'believe4' ,x is us$ ) a doz5 %ades ( int5sity by p2 & yet x is ! "o ^w :i* is always be+ us$ 9 !ological argum5t1 & :i*1 l ! ungodly1 'is a sword ( ?9e4' ,i always mean ! same ?+ by x1 ,i believe6 ,i said4 ,excuse me1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b if y w take obs]vations ( y\r talk1 y w f9d y d n4 ,at any rate1 ,i d n1 & ,i am m c>eful ab\t ! words ,i use ?an _m p4 ,if ,i h a heat$ argum5t ) a man1 & ?9k he takes up a p]v]se or ecc5tric op9ion1 ,i am q capable ( say+ ( him1 ',i believe he mu/ be crazy4' ,n[ su* a s5t5ce to a =eign] w\ld c>ry ! evid5ce ( a deep & cle> conviction2 b1 z ,i say x1 x doesn't really express ! fa9te/ suspicion ( my oppon5t's sanity--x means little m ?an t ,i don't agree ) him2 & yet :5 ,i say1 ',if !re is "o ?+ t ,i d believe1 x is 9 ! actual exi/5ce ( evil1' x means a sl[ly accumulat$ & almo/ unalt]able op9ion4 ,9 ! ,cre$1 "o uses ! ^w 'believe' z ! ne>e/ t conviction c come to k1 %ort ( indisputable evid5ce2 & "s p g fur!r /ill1 & use x z if x meant an almo/ high] sort ( k4 ,! real mean+ is j :at ,t5nyson said1 ',believ+ :]e we _c prove1' :]e x signifies a conviction :i* we _c actually te/1 b on :i* we are cont5t to act4 ,b1 ,i said1 if ,i say to a fri5d--',y are a real sceptic--y seem to me to believe no?+1' ,i mean to imply some?+ almo/ cynical4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 y mean t he has no en?usiasm or ideals1 & holds no?+ sacr$1 because ^? are j ! convictions :i* _c be prov$4 ,"s p1 ,i said1 seem to me simply to mean by ! ^w 'believe' t !y hold an op9ion 9 su* a way t !y w\ld be upset if x turn$ out to be untrue4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x is ! intrusion ( ! na/y p]sonal elem5t :i* spoils ! ^w4 ,belief ought to be a v imp]sonal ?+4 ,x ought simply to mean a conv]g5ce ( y\r own exp]i5ce on a c]ta9 result2 b mo/ p are q z mu* annoy$ at y\r disbeliev+ a ?+ :i* !y believe1 z at y\r disbeliev+ a ?+ :i* !y "k4 ,y ought nev] to be annoy$ at p n accept+ y\r conclusions1 & /ill less :5 y\r conclusion is p>tly intuition1 & does n dep5d ^u evid5ce4 ,?is is ! sort ( scale ,i h 9 my m9d--'practically c]ta91 probable1 possible1 unprov$1 unprovable4' ,n[1 ,i am s f> sceptical t1 ap>t f practical c]ta9ties1 :i* are j ! conv]g5ce ( all normal exp]i5ce1 ! fact t any "o p]son or any numb] ( p]sons believ$ a ?+ w\ld n affect my own fai? 9 x1 unless ,i felt sure t ! p :o believ$ x 7 fully z sceptical z & m cle>-head$ ?an myself1 & _h really gone into ! evid5ce4 ,b ev5 s1 z ,i said1 ! ?+s mo/ wor? believ+ are ! ?+s t c't be prov$ by any evid5ce4 ,:at sort ( ?+s d y mean8 ,i said4 ,well1 a ?+ l ! exi/5ce ( ,god1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 t at be/ is only a g5]alisation f an imm5se range ( facts1 & a special int]pretation ( !m4 ,b ! amaz+ ?+ 9 ! _w is ! va/ numb] ( p :o are cont5t to believe important ?+s on he>say1 because1 on ! :ole1 !y love or tru/ ! p :o tea* !m4 ,! ^w 'believ+1' :5 ,i use x1 doesn't mean t a good man says x1 & t ,i c't disprove x1 b a sort ( vital ass5t1 s t ,i c act ^u ! belief almo/ z if ,i knew x4 ,x means = me "s sort ( p]sonal exp]i5ce1 ,i c\ld n love or hate a man on he>say1 j because p :om ,i lov$ or tru/$ said t !y ei!r lov$ or hat$ him4 ,i might be s f> biass$ t ,i %\ld meet him expect+ to f9d him ei!r lovable or hateful1 b ,i c\ld n adopt a p]sonal emotion on he>say--t mu/ be ! result ( a p]sonal exp]i5ce2 & yet ! adoption ( a p]sonal emotion on he>say is j :at mo/ p seem to me to be able to d4 ,i might believe t a man _h done good or bad ?+s on he>say3 b ,i c\ld h no feel+ ab\t him unless ,i _h se5 him4 ,i c\ld n ei!r love or hate a hi/orical p]sonage3 ! mo/ ,i c\ld d w\ld be to l or dislike all /ories told ab\t him s mu* t ,i c\ld wi% to h met him or n to h met him4 ,isn't x a "q ( imag9ation8 ,i said4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & mo/ ord9>y religi\s belief is simply an imag9ative p]sonification3 b t is a *ildi% affair1 n a reasonable affair3 & t is :y mo/ religi\s tea*]s praise :at !y call a *ildlike fai?1 b :at is really a *ildi% fai?4 ,i don't hone/ly ?9k t our religi\s beliefs ought to be a dog-l k9d ( fidelity1 unres5tful1 unque/ion+1 undignifi$ confid5ce4 ,! love ( ,bill ,sikes' t]ri] = ,bill ,sikes doesn't make ,bill ,sikes an admirable or lovable man3 x only proves 8 t]ri] a cr$ul\s t]ri]4 ,! only reason :y we admire su* a fai? is because x is pleasant & conv5i5t to be bl9dly tru/$1 & to feel t we c behave z badly z we l )\t ali5at+ t sort ( tru/4 ,i h sometimes ?\ght t ! deepe/ angui% ( ,god mu/ lie 9 ,8 be+ lov$ & tru/$ by p to :om ,he has be5 unable s f> to %[ ,himself a lov+ & c>eful ,fa!r4 ,i don't believe ,god c wi% u to love ,him 9 an unreasonable way--,i mean by simply ov]look+ ! bad side ( ?+s4 ,a man1 let u say1 ) "s hide\s inh]it$ disease or vice ought n to love ,god1 unless he c be sure t ,god has n made him ! helpless victim ( disease or vice4 ,b may ! victim n h a fai? 9 ,god ?r\gh & 9 spite ( a disease or a vice8 ,i said4 ,yes1 if he really faces ! fact ( ! evil1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b he mu/ n believe 9 a muddl$ sort ( way1 ) a sort ( abject timidity1 t ,god may h br\ght ab\t 8 weakness or 8 degradation4 ,he ought to be q cle> t ,god wi%es him to be free & happy & /rong1 & grieves1 l ,himself1 ov] ! mis]able limitation4 ,he mu/ h no sort ( d\bt t ,god wi%es him to be heal?y or clean-m9d$4 ,!n he c pray1 he c /rive = pati5ce1 he c fight 8 fault3 he c't d x1 if he really ?9ks t ,god all[$ him to be born ) ?is horror 9 8 blood4 ,if ,god c\ld h avoid$ evil--,i don't mean ! %>p sorr[s & trials :i* h a noble ?+ beh9d !m1 b ! ailm5ts ( body or s\l t simply debase & degrade--if ,he c\ld h done )\t evil1 b let x creep 91 !n x seems to me a hopeless bus9ess1 try+ to believe 9 ,god's p[] or ,8 goodness4 ,i believe 9 ! reality ( evil1 & ,i believe too 9 ,god ) all my he>t & s\l4 ,b ,i /& ) ,god aga9/ evil3 ,i don't /& fac+ ,god1 & n kn[+ on :i* side ,he is fight+4 ,ev]y?+ may n be evil :i* ,i ?9k evil3 b !re are "s sorts ( evil--cruelty1 selfi% lu/1 spite1 hatr$1 :i* ,i believe t ,god dete/s z mu* z & f> m ?an ,i dete/ !m4 ,t is :at ,i mean by a belief1 a conviction :i* ,i _c prove1 b on :i* ,i c & d act4 ,b am ,i ju/ifi$ 9 n %>+ t belief8 ,i said4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 if y1 9 ! light ( y\r exp]i5ce1 ?9k o!rwise1 y ne$ n believe x--y _c believe x6 ,b x is ! only int]pretation ( ! facts :i* sets me free to love ,god1 :i* ,i d n only ) he>t & s\l1 b ) m9d & /r5g?4 ,if ,i c\ld believe t ,god _h ev] tamp]$ ) :at ,i feel to be evil1 ev] p]mitt$ x to exi/1 ev] condon$ x1 ,i c\ld fe> ,him--,i %\ld fe> ,him ) a gha/ly fe>--b ,i c\ld n believe 9 ,him1 or love ,him z ,i d4 ,l ,,( ,,hon\r ,no1 ,i c\ldn't d t1 said ,le/range to ,b>?rop1 9 "o ( ^? unhappy little sil5ces :i* s (t5 seem$ to lie 9 wait = ,le/range's mo/ platitud9al utt]ances4 ,x w\ldn't be consi/5t ) a s5se ( hon\r4 ,fa!r ,payne gave a *uckle1 & ,le/range look$ pa9$1 ,oughtn't "o to h a code ( hon\r8 he said4 ,:y1 c]ta9ly6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b y mu/n't impose y\r code on o!r p4 ,y mu/n't take = grant$ t y\r idea ( hon\r means ! same ?+ to ev]yone4 ,suppose y lo/ money at c>ds1 & call$ x a debt ( hon\r1 & ?\ght x di%on\rable n to pay x2 :ile at ! same "t y didn't ?9k x di%on\rable n to pay a poor tradesman ^: goods y _h ord]$ & consum$1 am ,i b\nd to accept y\r code ( hon\r8 ,b !re is a diff]5ce !re1 said ,rose1 because ! man to :om y owe a gambl+ debt c't recov] x by law1 :ile a tradesman c4 ,all t a debt ( hon\r means is t y feel b\nd to pay x1 ?\gh y are n legally compell$ to d s4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t is s1 9 a s5se1 ,i admit4 ,b /ill1 "o mu/n't %elt] oneself beh9d big words unless "o is c]ta9 t !y mean exactly ! same to "o's oppon5t4 ,:5 ,i 0 at s*ool !re 0 a ma/] :o us$ to be fond1 z he said1 ( putt+ ! boys on _! hon\r3 b he nev] ask$ if we accept$ ! obligation4 ,if ,i say1 ',i give y my hon\r n to d a ?+1' !n ,i c be call$ di%on\rable if ,i don't d x2 b y c't put me on my hon\r unless ,i cons5t4 ,b surely hon\r means some?+ q def9ite8 said ,le/range4 ,tell me :at x is1 !n1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,rose1 y seem to h ideas on ! subject4 ,:at d y mean by hon\r8 ,isn't x "o ( ! ultimate ?+s1 said ,rose1 :i* c't be def9$1 b :i* ev]yone recognises--l blue & gre51 let me say1 or sweet & bitt]8 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 at lea/ ,i don't ?9k s4 ,x seems to me r an artificial ?+1 because x v>ies at diff]5t dates4 ,x us$1 n s long ago1 to be consid]$ an affair ( hon\r to fight a duel ) a man if he ?rew a glass ( w9e 9 y\r face4 ,& :at d y make ( ! old prov]b1 ',all is fair 9 love & w>'8 ,t seems to mean t hon\r is n a univ]sal obligation4 ,!n !re's ! phrase1 ',hon\r among ?ieves1' :i* isn't a v exalt$ "o2 or ! curi\s ?+1 s*oolboy hon\r1 :i* dictates t a boy may "k t ano!r boy is be+ disgracefully & cruelly bulli$1 & yet is prev5t$ by 8 s5se ( hon\r f tell+ a ma/] ab\t x4 ,i admit t hon\r is a f9e idea2 b x seems to me to cov] a lot ( ?+s 9 human nature :i* are v bad inde$4 ,x may mean only a sort ( prud5tial arrangem5t :i* b9ds a set ( p toge!r = a bad purpose1 because !y d n *oose to be int]f]$ )1 & yet call ! ?+ hon\r = ! sake ( ! associations4 ,yes1 ,i don't ?9k x is necess>ily a moral ?+1 said ,rose1 b t doesn't seem to me to matt]4 ,x is simply an obligation1 pl$g$ or impli$1 t y w act 9 a c]ta9 way4 ,x may conflict ) a moral obligation1 & !n y h to decide :i* is ! great] obligation4 ,yes1 t is p]fectly true1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & z long z y admit t hon\r isn't 9 itself b\nd to be a good ?+1 t is all ,i want4 ,le/range seem$ to use x z if y _h only got to say t a motive 0 hon\rable1 to h x recognis$ by ev]yone z "r4 ,take ! case ( :at are call$ 'national obligations4' ,a c]ta9 p>ty 9 ! ,/ate1 hav+ secur$ a majority ( votes1 ent]s into "s arrangem5t--a treaty1 let u say--)\t consult+ ! nation4 ,is t held to be = ev] b9d+ on a nation till x is =mally repeal$8 ,is x di%on\rable = a citiz5 belong+1 let u say1 to ! m9ority :i* is n repres5t$ by ! p>ticul> ,gov]nm5t :i* makes ! treaty1 to repudiate x8 ,yes1 ,i ?9k x may be fairly call$ di%on\rable1 said ,rose2 !re is an obligation on a citiz5 to back up 8 ,gov]nm5t4 ,!n ,i %\ld feel t hon\r is a v complicat$ ?+1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,if a citiz5 ?9ks a treaty di%on\rable1 & if x is also di%on\rable = him to repudiate x1 x seems to me he is di%on\rable :atev] he does4 ,he is oblig$ to cons5t = ! sake ( hon\r to a di%on\rable ?+ be+ done4 ,x seems to me p]il\sly l a director ( a firm hav+ to condone fraudul5t practices1 because x is di%on\rable to give 8 fell[-directors away4 ,x is ?is conflict betwe5 individual hon\r & public hon\r :i* puzzles me1 & :i* makes me feel t hon\r isn't a simple ?+ at all4 ,a high conception ( private hon\r seems to me a v f9e ?+ inde$4 ,i mean by x a pr(\nd hatr$ ( any?+ false or c[>dly or p]fidi\s1 & a loa?+ ( any?+ ins9c]e or trea*]\s4 ,t sort ( pr\d & /a9less *ivalry seems to me to be ab\t ! brighte/ ?+ we c disc]n1 & ! fur!/ beauty we c recognise4 ,b hon\r seems also1 accord+ to y1 to be a pr9ciple to :i* y c be committ$ by a majority ( votes1 :e!r y approve ( x or n2 & !n x seems to me a m]ely dete/able ?+1 if y c be b\nd by hon\r to acquiesce 9 some?+ :i* y hone/ly believe to be base4 ,x seems to me a case ( :at ,t5nyson describes3 ',8 hon\r root$ 9 di%on\r /ood1 ,& fai? unfai?ful kept him falsely true4' ,b surely social obligations mu/ (t5 conflict ) private beliefs1 said ,rose4 ,a nation or a society has got to act collectively1 & a m9ority mu/ be ov]-ridd54 ,i q agree1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b :y mix up hon\r ) x at all8 ,i don't object to a man :o consci5ti\sly diss5ts to "s national move be+ told t he mu/ lump x4 ,b if he is call$ di%on\rable = diss5t+1 !n hon\r does n seem to me to be a real ^w at all1 b only a t]m ( abuse = a man :o objects to "s conc]t$ plan4 ,y c't make a di%one/ ?+ hone/ because a majority *oose to d x--at lea/ ,i d n believe t morality is purely a matt] ( majorities1 or t ! di%on\r ( "o c5tury c become ! hon\r ( ! next4 ,i am incl9$ to believe j ! opposite4 ,i believe t ! man :o has s s5sitive a consci5ce ab\t :at is hon\rable or n1 t he is call$ a ,quixotic fool by 8 contempor>ies1 is f> m likely to be "r ?an ! co>s] majority :o only see t a c]ta9 c\rse is exp$i5t4 ,i %\ld believe t he saw "s tru? ( morality cle>ly :i* ! r\gh] sort ( m9ds did n see4 ,! sa9t--call him :at y l--is only ! man :o /&s high] up1 & sees ! sunrise be=e ! p :o /& l[] d[n4 ,b ev]yone has a "r to 8 own s5se ( hon\r1 said ,rose4 ,c]ta9ly1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b y mu/ be c]ta9 t a man's s5se ( hon\r is l[] ?an y\r own be=e y call him di%on\rable = diff]+ f y4 ,if a man is less scrupul\s ?an myself1 ,i may ?9k him di%on\rable1 if ,i also ?9k t he kn[s bett]4 ,b :at ,i d n ?9k t any ( u has a "r to d is to call a man di%on\rable if he has m scruples ?an oneself4 ,he may be ov]-scrupul\s1 b ! *ances are t any man :o sacrifices 8 conv5i5ce to a scruple has a high] s5se ( hon\r ?an ! man :o ?r[s ov] a scruple = ! sake ( 8 conv5i5ce4 ,t is :y ,i ?9k hon\r is a dang]\s ^w to play )1 because x is s (t5 us$ to fright5 p :o don't fall 9 ) :at is = ! conv5i5ce ( a gang4 ,b surely1 said ,rose1 morality is aft] all only a ^w = :at society agrees to consid] moral4 ,yes1 9 a s5se t is s1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 x is only a ^w to express a ph5om5on4 ,b ,i believe t morality is a real ?+1 = all t2 & t our conceptions ( x get cle>]1 z ! _w goes on4 ,x is some?+ outside ( u--a law ( nature if y l--:i* we are le>n+2 n m]ely a ?+ :i* we inv5t = our conv5i5ce4 ,b t is too big a bus9ess to g into n[4 ,,li ,,( ,,"w ,i _c rememb] n[ :at public man x 0 :o _h di$ ( a breakd[n f ov]work1 b ,i he>d ,fa!r ,payne say1 aft] d9n]1 ref]r+ to ! ev5t1 ,i wi% x to be cle>ly und]/ood t ,i ?9k a man :o dies ( delib]ate or reckless ov]work is a victim ( self-indulg5ce4 ,x is no?+ m or less ?an giv+ way to a passion4 ,i am z sure z ,i c be ( any?+1 he w5t on1 t a ?\s& ye>s h5ce t w be recognis$ by human be+s1 & t !y w feel x to be z %ameful = a man to die ( spontane\s ov]work z = him to die ( dr9k or gluttony or any o!r vice4 ,i don't ( c\rse mean1 he add$1 ! cases ( m5 :o h _h "s def9ite & critical job to c>ry ?r\gh1 & h decid$ t ! risk is wor? runn+4 ,a man has always ! "r to risk 8 life = a def9ite aim--b ,i mean ! m5--y c see x 9 biographies1 & ! wor/ ( x is t !y are (t5 ! biographies ( cl]gym5--:o1 9 spite ( physical w>n+s1 & entreaties f _! fri5ds1 & def9ite /atem5ts by _! doctors t !y are %ort5+ _! lives by lab\r1 /ill _c /op1 or1 if !y /op1 beg9 aga9 too soon4 ,no man has any "r to ?9k 8 "w s important z t--to take unimportant ?+s too s]i\sly is ! wor/ sort ( frivolity4 ,b isn't x ! f9] k9d ( p1 said ,kaye1 :o make ! mi/ake8 ,yes1 ( c\rse1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b s1 too1 if y look into x1 y w too (t5 f9d t x is ! f9] k9ds ( imag9ative p :o take to dr9k & drugs4 ,i rememb]1 he add$1 once go+ to see a poor fri5d ( m9e 9 an asylum1 & ! old doctor at ! head ( x said1 ',x isn't ! /upid p :o come "h1 ,mr4 ,payne2 x is ! clev] p6' ,b does n y\r pr9ciple ab\t ! "r to risk "o's life hold good "h too8 said ,b>?rop4 ,no1 ,i ?9k n1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,a man may *oose to try a dang]\s ?+1 climb a m\nta91 explore a p]il\s c\ntry1 g up 9 a balloon1 :]e an elem5t ( risk is insep>able f ! exp]im5t2 b ord9>y "w isn't risky 9 itself4 ,:y1 he add$1 ,i 0 read+ a book ! o!r day1 ! life ( ,fitzh]b]t1 y "k1 :o 0 a man ( prodigi\s labori\sness1 :o di$ e>ly1 worn out4 ,he _h an impossible /&>d ( p]fection4 ,if he _h to write an article1 he read all ! lit]ature on ! subject ov] & ov]2 he wrote & re-wrote 8 /uff4 ,!re 0 a case quot$ 9 ! book1 z if x 7 to ,fitzh]b]t's cr$it1 :5 he _h to s5d 9 an article by a c]ta9 date--j a ,qu>t]ly article4 ,x _h to g 9 on ! ,friday4 ,he _h f9i%$ x on ! ,monday be=e1 :5 8 m9d misgave him4 ,he de/roy$ ! article1 began aga91 sate up all ,monday night & all ,w$nesday night1 & wrote ! :ole ?+ afre%4 ,he 0 laid up = a mon? aft] x4 ,t is simply ! act ( an unbalanc$ m9d4 ,i c't help feel+ t !re is some?+ f9e ab\t x1 said ,v9c5t4 ,!re is always some?+ f9e ab\t unreasonable ?+s1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 or 9 a man mak+ a sacrifice = an idea4 ,b !re is an entire lack ( proportion ab\t ?is p]=mance2 & if ,fitzh]b]t ?\ght 8 "w s valuable z t1 !n he ought to h reflect$ t he 0 simply limit+ 8 future output by ?is reckless exp5diture ( =ce4 ,b ! :ole case 0 a sad "o--,fitzh]b]t work$ 9 a gha/ly way z a boy & z a "y man4 ,he _h a v broad outlook1 he 0 int]e/$ 9 ev]y?+2 & :5 he 0 at ,ox=d1 he told a fri5d t he 0 discov]+ a hundr$ subjects on :i* he hop$ to h a say4 ,well1 !n1 ! middle "p ( 8 life 0 sp5t 9 prep>+ himself1 "u ! same sort ( pressure1 to entitle himself to h 8 say3 & !n came 8 fir/ bad break-d[n--& ! end ( 8 life1 :i* 0 a wret*$ p]iod1 0 sp5t 9 f9d+ elaborate reasons :y he %\ld n commit himself to any op9ion :atev]4 ,if he 0 ask$ 8 op9ion1 he always said he _h n /udi$ ! subject adequately4 ,t seems to me ! life ( a man suff]+ f a sort ( nightm>e4 ,?+s are n s deep z all t--at lea/1 if no "o is to give an op9ion on any po9t until he has ma/]$ ! :ole sum ( human op9ion on ! po9t1 !n we %all nev] make any progress at all4 ,i rememb] ,fitzh]b]t's /rong condemnation ( ,rusk91 = giv+ 8 op9ion cursorily on all subjects ( importance4 ,yet ,rusk9 did a great] "w ?an ,fitzh]b]t1 because he at lea/ made p ?9k1 :ile ,fitzh]b]t only prev5t$ !m f d>+ to ?9k4 ,i don't mean t p ought to feel compet5t to express an op9ion on ev]y?+--yet ev5 t habit cures itself1 because1 if y d x1 no "o pays any att5tion4 ,b if a man has gone into a subject ) dec5t c>e1 or if he has reflect$ ^u problems ( :i* ! data are fairly well kn[n1 ,i ?9k !re is e reason :y he %\ld give an op9ion4 ,x is v easy to be too consci5ti\s4 ,!re are pl5ty ( f9e h9ts ( op9ions 9 ,fitzh]b]t's lett]s4 ,y c\ld make a v good book ( ,p5ses out ( !m--he _h a cle>1 =cible1 & orig9al m9d2 b he did n d>e to say :at he ?\ght2 & y may rememb] t if he 0 ev] %>ply criticis$1 he felt x deeply1 z a sort ( imputation ( di%one/y4 ,a man mu/ n g d[n be=e criticism l t4 ,b ev]yone mu/ d _! "w 9 _! own way8 said ,i4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ,fitzh]b]t end$ by do+ no?+--he only snubb$ & sil5c$ 8 own f9e m9d1 by giv+ way to ?is unholy passion = exam9+ ?+s4 ,no1 ,i want y fell[s to h common-s5se ab\t ^! matt]s4 ,!re is a great deal too mu* sanctity atta*$ to pr9t4 ,! writt5 ^w--!re's a d>k sup]/ition ab\t x6 ,a man has z mu* "r to write z he has to talk4 ,he may say to ! _w1 to 8 unse5 & unkn[n fri5ds 9 x1 :atev] he may say to 8 intimates4 ,y %\ld write j z y c\ld talk to any g5tleman1 ) ! same c\rtesy & frankness4 ,( c\rse y mu/ run ! risk ( y\r book fall+ into ! h&s ( ill-br$ p--t c't be help$--& ( c\rse y mu/ n pret5d t y\r book is ! result ( deep & copi\s lab\r1 if x is no?+ ( ! k9d4 ,b he>t-break+ toil is n ! only qualification = speak+4 ,!re are pl5ty ( complicat$ little topics--all ! problems :i* arise f ! comb9ation ( individuals into societies--:i* p ought to ?9k ab\t1 & :i* are really ev]yone's conc]n4 ,! int]play1 ,i mean1 ( human relations--! moral1 religi\s1 social1 intellectual ideas--:i* h all got to be co-ord9at$4 ,a man does n ne$ imm5se k = t2 9 fact if he /udies ! hi/ory ( su* ?+s too deeply1 he is (t5 apt to =get t old int]pret]s ( su* ?+s _h n got all ! pres5t data4 ,!re is an imm5se future be=e writ]s :o w int]e/ p 9 & famili>ise !m ) ideas4 ,"s p get absorb$ 9 life 9 ! wrong way1 j b5t on acquisition & com=t--"s p1 aga91 live z if !y 7 /ay+ 9 somebody else's h\se--b :at y want to induce m5 & wom5 to d is to realise ! sort ( ?+ t life really is1 & to attempt to put x 9 "s k9d ( proportion4 ,! mis*ief done by m5 l ,fitzh]b]t1 :o 0 fond ( snapp+ at p :o produc$ ideas = inspection1 is t ord9>y p get to confuse wisdom ) k2 & t won't d6 ,& s ! man :o sets to "w l ,fitzh]b]t loses 8 al]tness & 8 obs]vation1 ) ! result t in/ead ( br++ a v fre% & incisive m9d to be> on life1 he loses 8 way 9 books1 & falls a victim to ! awful passion = feel+ able to despise o!r p's op9ions4 ,b isn't x possible1 said ,v9c5t1 = a man to get ! be/ out ( life = himself by a sort ( passion = exact k--l ! man 9 ! ,gramm>ian's fun]al1 ,i mean8 ,p]sonally1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i always ?9k t ,br[n+ did a lot ( h>m by t poem4 ,he 0 glorify+ a real vice1 ,i ?9k4 ,if ! ,gramm>ian _h said to himself1 ',!re is all ?is na/y "w to be done by someone2 ,i c d x1 & ,i c save o!r p hav+ to wa/e _! "t ov] x1 by do+ x once & = all1' x w\ld h be5 diff]5t4 ,b ,i ?9k he 0 p>tly indulg+ a poor sort ( vanity by j det]m9+ to "k :at no o!r man knew4 ,! po9t ( "w is tw(old4 ,x is p>tly good = ! work]1 to tranquillise 8 life & to r$uce x to a c]ta9 ord] & discipl9e2 b y mu/n't d x only = ! sake ( y\r own tranquillity1 any m ?an ! arti/ mu/ "w = ! sake ( luxuriat+ 9 8 own emotions4 ,y mu/ h some?+ to give away3 y mu/ h "s idea ( comb9ation1 ( help+ o!r p to f9d ea* o!r & to und]/& ea* o!r4 ,x is vici\s to isolate y\rself = y\r own satisfaction4 ,fitzh]b]t & ! ,gramm>ian 7 really mis]s4 ,!y j accumulat$1 & enjoy$ ! pleasure ( hav+ _! own m9ds cle>4 ,t doesn't seem to me 9 itself to be a f9e ?+ at all4 ,x is simply ! olde/ ( temptations1 ',ye %all be z gods1 kn[+ good & evil4' ,t is ! dang] ( ! critical m9d1 t x says1 ',i w "k )9 myself :at is good1' ,! only excuse = ! critical m9d is to help p n to be tak5 9 by :at is bad4 ,x is bett] to be l ,plato & ,rusk91 to make mi/akes1 to h prejudices1 to be unfair1 ev5 to be silly1 because at lea/ y enc\rage p to ?9k t life is int]e/+--& t is ab\t z mu* z any ( u c d4 ,,lii ,,( ,,companion%ip ,isn't x r odd1 said someone to ,fa!r ,payne aft] d9n]1 t great m5 h z a rule r pref]r$ ! company ( _! inf]iors to ! company ( _! equals8 ,i don't "k1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ,i ?9k x's r natural6 ,by ,jove1 ,i "k t a v little ( ! society ( a really sup]ior p]son goes a v long way ) me4 ,no1 ,i ?9k x is :at "o w\ld expect4 ,:5 ! great man is at "w1 he is on ! /ra9 & do+ ! l(ty bus9ess = all he is wor?2 :5 he is at leisure1 he doesn't want any m /ra9--he has done 8 full %>e4 ,b take ! big gr\ps1 said someone1 l ! ,wordswor? set1 or ! pre-,raphaelite set--or take any ( ! great biographies--! big m5 ( any "t seem always to h be5 mutual fri5ds & correspond5ts4 ,y h lett]s to & f ,rusk9 f & to all ! great m5 ( 8 day4 ,lett]s1 yes6 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ( c\rse ! great m5 "k ea* o!r1 & respect ea* o!r2 b !y don't t5d to coagulate4 ,!y reli% an occasional meet+ & an occasional lett]1 & !y say h[ deeply !y regret n see+ m ( ea* o!r--b !y t5d to seek ! repose ( _! own less exalt$ circle4 ,! man :o has f9e ideas pref]s 8 own disciples to ! m5 :o h got a diff]5t set ( f9e ideas4 ,t is natural en\gh6 ,y want to imp>t ! ideas y believe 9--y don't want to argue ab\t !m1 or to h !m knock$ out ( y\r h&4 ,dep5d ^u x1 ! society ( an intellig5t p]son1 :o c und]/& y en\gh to /imulate y1 & :o is grateful = y\r talk1 is mu* pleasant]1 & inde$ m fruitful1 ?an ! society ( a man :o is fully z intellig5t z y\rself1 & ?9ks "s ( y\r conclusions to be rot6 ,b doesn't all t enc\rage p to be prophets8 ,v9c5t said4 ,"o ( ! depress+ ?+s ab\t great m5 is t !y gr[ to consid] !mselves a sort ( special provid5ce--! orig9ators ( great ideas r ?an ! int]pret]s4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ( c\rse ! little cot]ies & c\rts ( great m5 are r repulsive4 ,b ! be/ p don't d t4 ,!y live cont5t$ly 9 a circle :i* comb9es ) its admiration = ! h]o a com=table feel+ t1 if o!r p knew :at !y "k1 !y w\ldn't feel g5ius to be q s extraord9>y z is commonly believ$4 ,& we mu/ rememb]1 too1 t mo/ great m5 seem great] aft]w>ds ?an !y did at ! "t4 ,m ( a treat & a privilege1 ,i mean4 ,d y ?9k "o ought to try to cat* a sight ( great m5 :o are contempor>ies8 said ,i4 ,yes1 a sight1 ,i ?9k1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x's a pleasant ?+ to realise h[ y\r big man sits & looks & talks1 :at 8 h\se is l1 & s =?4 ,i h (t5 r regrett$ ,i hav5't _h ! curiosity to get a sight ( ! giants4 ,x helps y to und]/& !m4 ,i rememb] a pleasant old g5tleman1 ,v9t] by "n1 :o liv$ 9 ,london4 ,v9t] ! noveli/ 0 8 son4 ,:5 "y ,v9t] became fam\s = a bit1 & p want$ to "k him1 old ,v9t] made a glori\s rule4 ,he told 8 son t he might invite any well-kn[n p]son he lik$ to ! h\se1 to lun*eon or d9n]--b t unless he made a special exception 9 any "o's fav\r1 !y 7 n to be invit$ aga94 ,!re's a f9e old ,epicurean6 ,he lik$ to realise :at ! bosses look$ l1 b he wasn't go+ to be bo!r$ by hav+ to talk respectfully to !m "t aft] "t4 ,b t's r tame1 said ,v9c5t4 ,! po9t surely w\ld be to get to "k a big man well4 ,:y1 yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b ,v9t] 0 a wise old man2 n[ ,i %\ld say to any "y man :o _h a *ance ( really hav+ a fri5d%ip ) a great man1 ',( c\rse1 take x & ?ank y\r />s6' ,b ,i %\ldn't advise any "y man to make a collection ( celebrities1 or to g ab\t hunt+ !m4 ,9 fact ,i ?9k = an orig9al "y man1 x is apt to be r dang]\s to h a real fri5d%ip ) a great man4 ,!re's a dang] ( be+ div]t$ f y\r own l9e1 & ( be+ drawn into imitative wor%ip4 ,a v mod]ate use ( great m5 9 p]son %\ld suffice anyone4 ,y\r real fri5ds ought to be p ) :om y are entirely at ease1 n p :om y rev]5ce & def] to4 ,x's bett] to le>n to b>k ?an to wag y\r tail4 ,i don't ?9k ! big m5 !mselves (t5 beg9 by be+ disciples4 ,!n :o is wor? see+8 said ,v9c5t4 ,!re mu/ be somebody6 ,:y1 to be frank1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 agreeable m5 l me1 :o hav5't got too mu* au?ority1 & are n surr\nd$ by glory & wor%ip6 ,i'm int]e/$ 9 mo/ ?+s1 & h le>nt m or less h[ to talk--y look out = +5i\s & k9dly eld]ly m51 :o hav5't be5 too successful1 & hav5't froz5 into ,tories1 & yet h _h "s exp]i5ce2--m5 ( hum\r & livel9ess1 :o h a r m ext5d$ horizon ?an y\rself1 & :o w li/5 to :at y say in/ead ( %utt+ y up1 & say+ ',v likely' z ,newman did--aft] :i* y 7 expect$ to g into a corn] & ?9k ov] y\r s9s6 ,or clev]1 sympa!tic1 int]e/+ wom5--n too "y4 ,^? are ! p :om x is wor? tak+ a little tr\ble to see4 ,b :at ab\t ! "y p6 said ,v9c5t4 ,oh1 t w look aft] itself1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,!re's no difficulty ab\t t6 ,y ask$ me :om x 0 wor? :ile tak+ "s tr\ble to see1 & ,i prescribe a v occasional great man1 & a good _m well-br$1 cultivat$1 exp]i5c$1 civil m5 & wom54 ,x isn't v easy to f9d1 t sort ( society1 = a "y man2 b x is wor? try+ =4 ,b d y mean t y %\ld pursue good talk8 said ,v9c5t4 ,a little1 ,i ?9k1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 !re's a good deal ( art 9 x--unconsci\s art 9 ,engl&1 probably--b mu* ( our life is sp5t 9 talk+1 & !re's no reason :y we %\ldn't le>n h[ to get ! be/ & ! mo/ out ( talk--h[ to />t a subject1 & :5 to drop x--h[ to say ! sort ( ?+s :i* make o!r p want to jo9 91 & s on4 ,( c\rse y c't le>n to talk unless y h a lot to say1 b y c le>n h[ to d x1 & bett] /ill h[ n to d x4 ,i us$ to feel 9 ! old days1 :5 ,i met a clev] man--x 0 r>e en\gh1 alas6--h[ mu* m ,i c\ld h got out ( him if ,i _h kn[n h[ to d ! trick4 ,x's a great pleasure1 good talk2 & ! fact t x is s tir+ %[s :at a real pleasure x mu/ be4 ,b a man ) :om y c only talk h>d isn't a companion--he's an adv]s>y 9 a game4 ,!re h be5 times 9 my life :5 ,i h _h a real t\gh talk] /ay+ "h ) me1 :5 ,i h suff]$ f cru%+ intellectual fatigue1 & felt incl9$ to say1 l ,elijah1 ',take away my life1 = ,i am n bett] ?an my fa!rs4' ,t is ! /range ?+ to me ab\t mo/ human be+s--! ext5t to :i* !y seem able to talk )\t be+ tir$4 ,i agree ) ,walt] ,scott1 :5 he said1 ',if ! "q 0 et]nal company )\t ! p[] ( retir+ )9 myself1 or solit>y conf9em5t = life1 ,i %\ld say1 ,turnkey1 lock ! cell6' ,companion%ip doesn't seem to me ! normal ?+4 ,solitude is ! normal ?+1 ) a few bits ( talk ?r[n 91 l meals1 = refre%m5t4 ,b y c't lay d[n rules = p ab\t x4 ,"s p are simply greg>i\s1 & twitt] toge!r l />l+s 9 a %rubb]y3 t isn't talk--x's only a s]ies ( signals & exclamations4 ,! dang] ( solitude is t ! ma*9]y runs j z y wi% x to run--& t we>s x out4 ,b isn't y\r :ole idea ( talk r /r5u\s--a little artificial8 said ,v9c5t4 ,n m s ?an fix$ meals1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 or regul> ex]cise4 ,b1 ( c\rse sil5t companion%ip is ! greate/ boon ( all4 ,i h a belief t ev5 9 sil5t companion%ip !re is a real int]m+l+ ( vital & m5tal curr5ts1 & t "o is mu* p]vad$ & affect$ by ! p "o lives )1 ev5 if "o does n talk to !m4 ,! v sight ( "s p is z bad z an argum5t6 ,! ideal ?+1 ( c\rse1 is to h a few intimate fri5ds & "s com=table acqua9tances4 ,b ,i am r a fatali/ ab\t fri5d%ip1 & ,i ?9k t mo/ ( u get ab\t z mu* z we des]ve4 ,anyh[1 x's all wor? tak+ "s tr\ble ab\t2 & mo/ p make ! mi/ake ( n tak+ any tr\ble or putt+ !mselves ab\t2 & t's n ! way to behave6 ,,liii ,,( ,,money ,i suppose ,i _h said some?+ high-m9d$1 %[+ a suppos$ contempt ( money1 = ,fa!r ,payne look$ at me 9 sil5ce4 ,y mu/n't say su* ?+s1 said he1 at la/4 ,i'll tell y :y6 ,:at y said 0 p]fectly g5u9e1 & ,i h no d\bt y feel x--b1 if ,i may say s1 x's l talk+ ab\t a place :]e y h nev] be51 z if y _h visit$ x1 :5 y h only read ab\t x 9 ! guide-book4 ,i don't mean t y wi% to deceive = an in/ant--b y simply don't "k6 ,t's ! tragic ?+ ab\t money--t x is bo? s important & s unimportant4 ,if y h en\gh money1 y ne$ nev] give x a ?\ght2 if y hav5't1 x's ! devil6 ,x's l heal?--no "o :o hasn't be5 on ! wrong side ( ! divid+ l9e kn[s :at a horrible place ! wrong side is4 ,^? two ?+s--,i d>esay !re are o!rs--pov]ty & ill-heal?--put a man on ! rack4 ,! heal?y man1 & ! man ) a suffici5t income1 are apt to ?9k t ! poor man & ! ill man make a great fuss ab\t v little4 ,i don't "k ab\t ill-heal?1 b by ,george1 ,i "k all ab\t pov]ty--& ,i'll tell y once = all4 ,= tw5ty ye>s ,i 0 poor1 & ?is is :at t means4 ,to be ti$ h& & foot to a piece ( hide\s drudg]y--morn+ by morn+1 mon? by mon?1 & ) ! consci\sness too t1 if heal? fails y1 or if y lose y\r "w1 y w ei!r />ve or h to sponge on y\r fri5ds--nev] to be able to d :at y l or g :]e y l--to "k t ! _w is full ( beautiful places1 delightful p1 int]e/+ ideas1 books1 talk1 art1 music--to sick5 = all ^! ?+s1 & n ev5 to h ! "t or en]gy to get hold ( su* scraps ( !m z c be f\nd *eap 9 ,london--to feel "t slipp+ away1 & all y\r in/9cts = beautiful ?+s unus$ & unsat$--to live a solit>y1 grubby1 na/y life--nev] able to ent]ta9 a fri5d1 or to g a trip ) a fri5d1 or to d a k9dness1 or to help anyone g5]\sly--& yet to feel t ) an income :i* _m p w\ld reg>d z ridicul\sly inadequate1 y c\ld d mo/ ( ^! ?+s--! slav]y1 ! bondage1 ! dre>9ess ( x6 ,he broke (f1 mu* mov$4 ,b1 said ,i1 don't _m q poor p live happily & cont5t$ly & k9dly ) m9ute incomes8 ,:y1 yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ( c\rse !y d6--& ,i'm will+ en\gh to admit t ,i ought to h done bett] ?an ,i did4 ,b !n ,i _h be5 br\ght up diff]5tly1 & by ! "t ,i _h done ) ,ox=d1 ,i _h all ! ta/es & in/9cts ( ! well-to-d man4 ,t 0 ! mis*ief1 t ,i _h ta/$ fre$om4 ,( c\rse1 if ,i _h be5 ca/ 9 a /rong] & nobl] m\ld1 x w\ld h be5 diff]5t--b all my s5ses _h be5 acutely develop$1 my faculties ( int]e/ & enjoym5t & appreciation--n gross ?+s1 m9d y1 nor feel+s t ought to be />v$1 b j ! :olesome delights ( ! well-educat$ man4 ,i did n want to be extravagant1 & ,i knew too t !re 7 millions ( p 9 ! same case z myself4 ,!re 0 e reason :y ,i %\ld behave dec5tly ab\t x6 ,if ,i _h be5 really int]e/$ 9 my "w1 ,i c\ld h done bett]--b ,i did n believe 9 ! value ( my "w--,i taught m51 n to educate !m1 b t !y might pass an exam9ation & nev] look at ! bea/ly /uff aga94 ,:5ev] ,i rea*$ ! po9t at :i* ,i became int]e/$1 ,i _h to hold my h&4 ,& !n1 too1 ! "w tir$ me )\t ex]cis+ my m9d4 ,!re 7 ! vacations1 ( c\rse--b ,i c\ldn't af=d to leave ,london--,i simply liv$ 9 hell4 ,i don't say t ,i didn't get "s discipl9e out ( x--& my escape gave me a /ock ( gratitude & delight t has be5 simply inexhau/ible4 ,! mis]y ( x = me 0 t ,i _h to live an unreal life4 ,if ,i _h be5 poor1 & _h _h my leisure1 & _h work$ at ?+s ,i c>$ ab\t1 ) a set1 let u say1 ( "y arti/s1 all work+ too at ?+s :i* !y c>$ ab\t1 x w\ld h be5 diff]5t--b ,i hadn't ! en]gy left to make fri5ds1 or ! "t to f9d any cong5ial p4 ,i c't describe :at a nightm>e x all 0--s t :5 ,i he> y speak+ z if money didn't really matt]1 ,i simply feel t y don't "k :at a trag$y x c be1 or :at y\r own income saves y f4 ,y & ,i h ! ,epicurean temp]am5t1 my boy2 x's no good pret5d+ we hav5't--?+s appeal to our m9d & s5ses 9 a way !y don't appeal to ev]yone4 ,s ,i don't ?9k t p ought to talk lightly ab\t money1 unless !y h kn[n pov]ty & n suff]$ "u x4 ,i us$ to ask myself 9 ^? days if x 0 possible to suff] m1 :5 e av5ue rea*+ away out ( my life to ! ?+s ,i lov$ & c>$ = seem$ to be clos$ to me by an impassable b>ri]4 ,b "o c practise oneself 9 do+ )\t ?+s8 ,i said4 ,) ab\t z mu* success1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 z y c practise do+ )\t food4 ,b isn't x p>tly t p are unduly retic5t ab\t money8 ,i said4 ,if p c\ld only say frankly :at !y c & :at !y c't af=d1 x w\ld simplify ?+s v mu*4 ,i don't "k1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,money is "o ( ^? curi\s ?+s--un9t]e/+ if y h en\gh1 tragic if y hav5't4 ,i don't ?9k talk+ ab\t money is vulg>--,i ?9k x is simply dull3 to discuss pov]ty is l discuss+ a disease--to discuss weal? is l talk+ ab\t food or w9e4 ,! pov]ty t simply humiliates & p9*es c't be jok$ ab\t--x's f> too s]i\s = t6 ,( c\rse1 !re are m5 :o don't really feel ! call ( life4 ,look at our fri5d ,kaye6 ,if ,kaye _h to live 9 ,london lodg+s1 he w\ldn't m9d a bit1 if he c\ld get to ! ,museum ,read+-,room--he only wants books & 8 own "w--he doesn't want company or music or art or talk or fri5ds4 ,he is :olly indiff]5t to na/y food or squalor4 ,pov]ty is n a real evil to him4 ,if he _h money he w\ldn't "k h[ to sp5d x4 ,i read a book ! o!r day ab\t a prie/ :o liv$ a v devot$ life 9 ! slums--he _h two rooms 9 a cl]gy-h\se--& !re 0 a *apt] 9 praise ( ! way 9 :i* he endur$ 8 pov]ty4 ,b x 0 all wrong6 ,:at t man really enjoy$ 0 prea*+ & c]emonial & company--he _h a real love ( human be+s4 ,well1 t man's life 0 cramm$ ) joy--he got exactly :at he want$ all day long4 ,x wasn't a self-sacrific+ life--x w\ld h be5 to y & me--b he no d\bt woke day aft] day1 ) a prospect ( hav+ 8 :ole "t tak5 up ) ?+s he ?or\ghly enjoy$4 ,b :at ab\t ! p1 ,i said1 :o really enjoy j ! s5se ( p[] :i* money gives !m1 )\t us+ x--or ! p ^: only purpose 9 us+ x is ! pleasure ( be+ kn[n to h x8 ,oh1 ( c\rse1 !y are simply b>b>ians1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & x doesn't d !m any h>m to be poor4 ,no1 ! trag$y lies 9 ! case ( a man ) really expansive1 g5]\s1 civilis$ in/9cts1 to :om ! _w is full ( :olesome & urg5t delights1 & ^: life is simply />v$ out ( him by pov]ty4 ,i h a great m9d to s5d y to ,london = a c\ple ( mon?s1 to live on a p\nd a week1 & see :at y make ( x4 ,i'll g if y wi% x1 ,i said4 ,x might br+ ?+s home to y1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+1 b aga9 x probably w\ld n1 because x w\ld only be a game--! real p9* w\ld n come4 ,mo/ p w\ld r enjoy migrat+ to hell f heav5 = a mon?--x w\ld j give !m a %>p] reli% = heav54 ,b d y really ?9k y\r pov]ty hurt y8 ,i said4 ,i h no d\bt x did1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,( c\rse ,i 0 rescu$ 9 "t1 be=e ! bitt]ness really sank d[n into my s\l4 ,b ,i ?9k x prev5t$ my ev] be+ m ?an a look]-on4 ,i believe ,i c\ld h done "s "w wor? do+1 if ,i c\ld h tri$ a few exp]im5ts4 ,i don't "k6 ,p]haps ,i am ungrateful aft] all4 ,my pov]ty c]ta9ly gave me a wi% to help ?+s along1 & ,i d\bt if ,i %\ld h le>nt t o!rwise4 ,& ,i ?9k1 too1 x taught me n to wa/e compassion on ! wrong ?+s4 ,! p to be piti$ are simply ! p ^: m9ds & s\ls are p9*$ & />v$--! ov]-s5sitive1 responsive p1 :o feel hunt$ & puni%$ )\t kn[+ :y4 ,x's temp]am5t always1 & n circum/ance1 :i* is ! happy or ! unhappy ?+4 ,i felt1 :5 y said :at y did ab\t pov]ty1 t y nei!r knew h[ h>mless x c\ld be1 or h[ inf9itely noxi\s x might be4 ,i don't take a high-m9d$ view ( money myself4 ,i don't tell p to despise x4 ,i always tell ! fell[s "h to realise :at !y c endure & :at !y c't4 ,! fir/ requisite = a s5sible man is to f9d "w :i* he enjoys1 & ! next requisite is = him to e>n z mu* z he really ne$s--t is to say )\t hav+ to ?9k daily & h\rly ab\t money4 ,i don't ov]-e/imate :at money c d1 b x is fooli% to "u-e/imate :at ! want ( x c d4 ,i h se5 m f9e natures g to pieces "u ! /ress ( pov]ty ?an "u any o!r /ress t ,i "k4 ,money is p]fectly p[]less z a %ield aga9/ _m tr\bles--& on ! o!r h& x c save a man f innum]able little wret*$nesses & horrors :i* de/roy ! beauty & dignity ( life4 ,i don't believe me*anically 9 humiliation & r5unciation & ignom9y & contempt1 z purify+ influ5ces4 ,x all dep5ds ^u :e!r !y are gallantly & adv5tur\sly & humor\sly borne4 ,!y (t5 make "s p only sore & diffid5t1 & ,i don't believe 9 le>n+ to hate life4 ,n to le>n y\r own limitations is *ildi%3 & "o ( ! insol5ces :i* is mo/ heavily puni%$ is t ( mak+ a sacrifice )\t kn[+ if y c endure ! consequ5ces ( x4 ,! p :o beg9 by despis+ money z vulg> are g5]ally ! p :o end by mak+ a mess :i* o!r p h to sweep up4 ,s don't be ei!r silly or prud5t ab\t money1 my boy6 ,j realise t y\r fir/ duty is n to be a burd5 on y\rself or on o!r p4 ,f9d out y\r m9imum1 & secure x if y c2 & !n don't give ! matt] ano!r ?\ght4 ,if x is any com=t to y1 reflect t ! be/ au?ors & arti/s h almo/ inv>iably be5 good m5 ( bus9ess1 & don't c\rt squalor ( any k9d unless y really enjoy x4 ,,liv ,,( ,,peaceabl5ess ,fa!r ,payne1 talk+ "o ev5+1 made a /atem5t :i* involv$ an assumption t ! _w 0 progress+4 ,rose attack$ him on ?is po9t4 ,isn't t j "o ( ! l>ge g5]alisations1 he said1 :i* y are always tell+ u to bew>e (8 ,x isn't an assumption1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b a conviction ( m9e1 bas$ ^u a good deal ( second-h& evid5ce4 ,i don't ?9k x c be d\bt$4 ,i c't array all my reasons n[1 or we %\ld sit "h all night--b ,i w tell y "o ma9 reason1 & t is ! imm5sely increas$ peaceabl5ess ( ! _w4 ,fight+ has gone out 9 s*ools1 & none b decay$ clubm5 d>e to deplore x3 corporal puni%m5t has dim9i%$1 & isn't ne$$1 because *ildr5 don't d savage ?+s2 bully+ is ext9ct 9 dec5t s*ools2 crimes ( viol5ce are mu* m r>e2 duell+ is no long] a "p ( social life1 except = an occasional f>cical p]=mance betwe5 lit]>y m5 or politicians 9 ,france--,i saw an acc\nt ( "o 9 ! pap]s ! o!r day4 ,x 0 ra9+1 & "o ( ! combatants w\ld n furl 8 umbrella3 8 seconds said t x made him a bigg] t>get4 ,i may be %ot1 he said1 b t is no reason :y ,i %\ld get wet6 ,!n !re is ! m$iaeval nons5se among /ud5ts 9 ,g]many1 :]e !y f5ce l ,twe$l$um & ,twe$l$ee4 ,g5]ally speak+1 h[ev]1 ! belief t a bl[ is an argum5t has gone out4 ,!n w> has become m r>e1 & is m reluctantly engag$ 94 ,i suppose t till ! date ( ,wat]loo !re 0 h>dly a ye> 9 hi/ory :5 "s fight+ 0 n go+ on4 ,no1 ,i ?9k x is impossible n to believe t ! impulse to kick & scrat* & bite is really on ! decl9e4 ,b ne$ t be a pro( ( progress8 said ,rose4 ,may x n only mean a decrease ( p]sonal c\rage1 & a great] s5sitiv5ess to pa98 ,i ?9k n1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 because :5 !re is fight+ to be done1 x is done j z c\rage\sly--inde$ ,i ?9k m c\rage\sly ?an us$ to be ! case4 ,no1 ,i ?9k x is ! tra9+ ( an in/9ct--! in/9ct ( self-re/ra9t4 ,i believe t p h m imag9ation & m sympa?y ?an !y us$ to h2 !re is m tol]ance ( adv]se op9ion1 a great] s5se ( lib]ty 9 ! air3 oppon5ts h m respect = ea* o!r1 & d n attribute bad motives s easily4 ,:y1 consid] h[ mu* mild] ev5 ! newspap]s are4 ,if "o reads old reviews1 old books ( political controv]sy1 old pamphlets--h[ mu* m blackgu>d+ & call+ names "o sees4 ,anonym\s j\rnali/s1 anonym\s review]s1 are n[ ! only p :o keep up ! tradition ( public bad mann]s--all sign$ articles & criticisms are inf9itely polit] ?an !y us$ to be4 ,b1 p]si/$ ,rose1 isn't t simply a possible pro( ( ! g5]al decl5sion ( =ce8 ,c]ta9ly n1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x only means m equilibrium4 ,y mu/ rememb] t equilibrium means a balance ( =ces1 n a m]e dim9ution ( !m4 ,!re is m =ce pres5t 9 a bank$-up res]voir ?an 9 a ru%+ /ream4 ,! ru%+ /ream m]ely means a =ce mak+ itself felt )\t a c\nt]balanc+ =ce--b t isn't ne>ly z /rong z ! pressure 9 a res]voir ex]t$ by ! wat] :i* is try+ to get out1 & ! resi/ance ( ! dam :i* is try+ to keep x 94 ,y mu/ n be tak5 9 by app>5t placidity3 x (t5 means two =ces at "w in/ead ( "o4 ,peace1 z oppos$ to w>1 is a trem5d\s c\nt]pois+ ( =ces1 & x simply means an organis$ resi/ance4 ,9 old days1 !re 0 no cohesion ( ! =ces :i* desire peace1 & viol5ce 0 unresi/$4 ,!re c be no d\bt1 ,i ?9k1 t 9 a civilis$ c\ntry !re are _m m =ces at "w ?an 9 a combative c\ntry4 ,i d n suppose t we c ei!r ( u prove :e!r ! =ces at "w 9 ! _w h increas$ or dim9i%$4 ,let u grant t ! am\nt is con/ant4 ,if s1 a great deal ( ! =ce t 0 combative has n[ be5 trans=m$ to ! =ce :i* resi/s combat4 ,b ,i imag9e t on ! :ole mo/ p w\ld grant t human en]gies h increas$3 if t is s1 c]ta9ly ! combative elem5t has n increas$ 9 proportion1 :ile ! peaceful elem5t has increas$ out ( all proportion4 ,b1 said ,v9c5t1 y (t5 talk 9 ! mo/ bellicose way1 ,fa!r4 ,y say t we ought all to be fight+ on ! side ( good4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 on ! side ( resi/ance to evil1 ,i admit2 b y c fight )\t bang+ & sma%+ ?+s1 z ! dam fights ! res]voir by sil5t cohesion4 ,!re is a temptation1 f :i* "s p suff]1 to ?9k t "o c't be fight+ = ,god at all1 unless "o is do+ x furi\sly1 & all ! "t1 & successfully1 & on a l>ge & impressive scale4 ,t is a fatal blund]4 ,to hide y\r adv]s>y's sword is (t5 a v good way ( fight+4 ,to h an op5 tussle (t5 makes ! by/&]s sympa?ise ) ! assailant4 ,x is really a f> m civilis$ ?+1 & (t5 /&s = a high] degree ( =ce & hon\r1 to be able to be> contradiction n ignobly4 ,direct conflict is a mi/ake1 z a rule--blam+1 fault-f9d+1 c5sur+1 snapp+1 puni%+4 ,! po9t is to put all y\r en]gy into y\r own life & "w1 & make x outweigh ! en]gy ( ! combative critic4 ,d n fight by de/roy+ faulty op9ion1 b by creat+ bett] op9ion4 ,y fight d>kness by light+ a c&le1 n by wav+ a fan to cle> x away4 ,look at "o ( ! ?+s we h be5 talk+ ab\t--bully+ 9 s*ools4 ,t has n be5 conqu]$ by expell+ or :ipp+ boys1 or prea*+ ab\t x--x has be5 aboli%$ by k9dli] & g5tl] family life1 by human] s*ool-ma/]s liv+ ) & among _! boys1 till ! happ9ess ( m peaceful relations all r\nd has be5 in/9ctively p]ceiv$4 ,b isn't x "r to %[ up mean & di%one/ p1 to turn ! light ( publicity ^u cruel & dete/able ?+s8 said ,v9c5t4 ,exactly1 my de> ,v9c5t1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b y c't turn ! light ( publicity on evil unless ! light is !re to turn4 ,! reason :y bully+ cont9u$ 0 because p believ$ 9 x z insep>able f s*ool life1 & ev51 on ! :ole1 brac+4 ,:at has got rid ( x is a k9d] & m t5d] _s outside4 ,i don't object to %[+ up bad ?+s at all4 ,by all means put !m1 if y c1 9 a cle> light1 & %[ _! ugl9ess4 ,%[ y\r %ame & disgu/ if y l1 b d n condesc5d to p]sonal abuse4 ,t only weak5s y\r case1 because x m]ely proves t y h /ill "s ( ! bully left 9 y4 ,be peaceable writ]s1 my de> boys1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 exp&+ 9 a l>ge smile4 ,don't squabble1 don't try to sca!1 don't be affront$6 ,if y\r critic reveals a weak place 9 y\r "w1 admit x1 & d bett]6 ,i want to turn y out peace-mak]s1 & t ne$s z mu* en]gy & re/ra9t z any o!r sort ( fight+4 ,don't make ! fact t y\r oppon5t may be a cad into a p]sonal grievance4 ,make y\r own idea cle>1 /ick to x1 repeat x1 say x aga9 9 a m attractive way4 ,don't y see t n yield+ to a bad impulse is fight+8 ,! positive ass]tion ( good1 ! %ap+ ( beauty1 ! pres5tm5t ( a fruitful ?\ght 9 s desirable a light t o!r p g d[n ) fre% c\rage into ! dre>9ess & dullness ( life1 ) all ! delight ( hav+ a new way ( behav+ 9 _! m9ds & he>ts--t's h[ ,i want y to fight6 ,x requires ! t\ghe/ sort ( c\rage1 ,i c tell y4 ,b in/ead ( %[+ y\r _s by return+ a bl[1 %[ y\r _s by prop\nd+ y\r idea 9 a f9] %ape4 ,don't be tak5 9 by ! silly & ugly old w>-metaphors--! trumpet bl[n1 ! ga!r+ ( ! ho/s4 ,t's simply a s5sational wa/e ( y\r "t6 ,look out ( y\r w9d[1 & !n sit d[n to y\r "w4 ,t's ! way to w91 )\t noise or fuss4 ,,lv ,,( ,,life-,,=ce ,i walk$ "o aft]noon ) ,fa!r ,payne j z w9t] turn$ to spr+1 9 ! pa/ures4 ,!re 0 a m\nd at ! corn] ( "o ( 8 fields1 on :i* grew a r[ ( bee* trees ( :i* ,fa!r ,payne 0 p>ticul>ly fond4 ,he po9t$ out to me to-day h[ ! mo/ s\!rly ( ! trees1 expos$ z x 0 to ! full =ce ( ! w9d1 grew l[] & /urdi] ?an ! re/1 & h[ z ! trees progress$ t[>ds ! nor?1 ea* "o pr(it+ m by ! %elt] ( 8 comrades1 !y grew tall] & m graceful4 ,i l ! way t /\t little fell[ at ! end gr[s1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,he doesn't "k1 ,i suppose1 t he is protect+ ! re/1 & giv+ !m room to exp&4 ,b he holds on2 & ?\gh he isn't s tall1 he is bulki] & d5s] ?an 8 bre?r54 ,he kn[s t he has to be> ! brunt ( ! w9d1 s he puts out no sail4 ,he j devotes himself to /&+ f\r-squ>e--he is n go+ to be bulli$6 ,he w\ld l to be z smoo? & z %apely z ! re/1 b he kn[s 8 own bus9ess1 & he has adapt$ himself1 l a s5sible fell[1 to 8 r\gh conditions4 ,a little lat] ,fa!r ,payne /opp$ to look at a great s[-?i/le t 0 gr[+ vigor\sly "u a h$ge-r[4 ,did y ev] see su* a bit ( pure =ce8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i see a fi]ce consci\s life 9 e in* ( t plant4 ,look at ! way he clips himself 91 & /ra9s to ! e>?3 look at 8 great rays ( leaves1 ?ru/ out s geometrically f ! c5tre1 ) ! %>p1 horny1 uncompromis+ ?orns4 ,& see h[ he flatt5s d[n 8 leaves ov] ! surr\nd+ grasses3 !y hav5't a *ance2 he j squeezes !m d[n & /rangles !m4 ,!re is no mild & delicate wav+ ( fronds 9 ! air4 ,he means to sit d[n firmly on ! top ( 8 comrades4 ,i don't ?9k ,i ev] saw any?+ ) su* a muscul> pull on--y c't lift 8 leaves up2 look1 he resi/s ) all 8 might6 ,j consid] ! imm5se =ce :i* he is us+3 he is n m]ely snuggl+ d[n3 he is j haul+ ?+s ab\t4 ,y don't mean to tell me t ?is ?i/le isn't consci\s6 ,he kn[s he has enemies1 b he is go+ to make ! place 8 v own--& all t out ( a drift+ little arr[ ( d[n6 ,n[ t may n be a sympa!tic or ev5 ,*ri/ian way ( do+ ?+s1 he w5t on pres5tly1 b = all t1 ,i d love to see ! =ce ( life1 ! int5tness ( liv+4 ,i l our fri5d ! bee* a little bett]1 because he is help+ 8 fri5ds1 ?\gh he doesn't "k x1 & ! ?i/le is only help+ himself4 ,b ,i am sure t x is ! "r way to g at x6 ,we mu/n't be always /&+ aside & mak+ room3 we mu/n't oblit]ate ourselves4 ,we h a "r to our joy 9 life1 & we mu/n't be afraid ( x4 ,if we give away :at we h got1 x mu/ co/ u some?+--x mu/ n be a m]e rel9qui%+4 ,x is r h>d to comb9e ! two pr9ciples1 ,i said--! liv+ ( life1 ,i mean1 & ! giv+ away ( life4 ,well1 ,i ?9k t devotion is bett] ?an self-sacrifice1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,on ! :ole ,i mi/ru/ weakness m ?an ,i mi/ru/ /r5g?4 ,x's easy to dislike viol5ce--b ,i r wor%ip vitality4 ,i w\ld almo/ r see a man =c+ 8 way ?r\gh ) "s call\sness1 ?an back+ out1 smil+ & apologis+4 ,y c conv]t /r5g?1 y c't d any?+ ) weakness4 ,take ! sort ( "w y fell[s d4 ,i always feel ,i c *a/5 & direct exub]ance3 :at ,i c't d is to imp>t vig\r4 ,if a man says 8 essay is %ort because he c't ?9k ( any?+ to write1 ,i feel incl9$ to say1 ',!n = goodness' sake hold y\r tongue6' ,x's ! p :o c't hold _! tongue1 :o g on r\ghly po9t+ ?+s out1 & comm5t+1 & expla9+1 & ?ru/+ !mselves 9 front ( ! %[1 :o d some?+4 ,( c\rse =ce has to be kept 9 ord]1 b !re x is--x lives1 x mu/ h its say4 ,:at y h to le>n is to ins9uate y\rself into life1 l ivy1 b )\t spoil+ o!r p's pleasure4 ,t's lib]ty6 ,! old ?i/le has no respect = lib]ty1 & t is :y he is root$ up4 ,b x's r sad "w do+ x1 because he does s v mu* want to be alive4 ,b x isn't lib]ty simply to efface y\rself1 because y may int]f]e ) o!r p4 ,! ?+ is to fit 91 )\t disorganis+ ev]y?+ ab\t y4 ,he mus$ = a little 9 sil5ce2 !n he said1 ,x's l almo/ ev]y?+ else--x's a weigh+ ( claims6 ,i don't want y fell[s to be ei!r tyrannical or slavi%4 ,x's tyrannical to bully1 x's slavi% to def]4 ,! ?+ is to h a firm op9ion1 n to be a%am$ ( x or afraid ( x2 to say x reasonably & g5tly1 & to /ick to x amiably4 ,good does n attack1 ?\gh if x is attack$ x c slay4 ,good fights evil1 b x kn[s :at x is fight+1 :ile evil fights good & evil alike4 ,i ?9k t is true4 ,i don't want y p to be controv]sial or qu>relsome 9 :at y write1 & to g 9 = pick+ holes 9 o!rs' "w4 ,if y want to help a man to d bett]1 criticise him privately--don't slap him 9 public1 to %[ h[ h>d y c lay on4 ,make y\r own po9ts1 expla9 if y l1 b don't apologise4 ,! great writ]s1 m9d y1 are ! p :o c g on4 ,x's volume r ?an delicacy t matt]s 9 ! end4 ,x mu/ fl[ l honey--good solid /uff--n drip l ra91 out ( m]e weakness4 ,b ! ?+ is to fl[1 & l>g5ess ( production is bett] ?an little bits ( ov]h&l$ "w4 ,m9d t1 my boy6 ,x's =ce t tells3 & t's :y ,i don't want y to be ov]-int]e/$ 9 y\r "w4 ,y mu/ g on fill+ up ) exp]i5ce2 b x doesn't matt] :]e or h[ y get x1 z long z x is eag]ly done4 ,be on ! side ( life6 ,amor fati1 t's ! motto = a man--to love 8 de/9y passionately1 & all t is be=e him2 n to droop1 or s5tim5talise1 or submit1 b to plunge on1 l a 'sea-%\ld]+ :ale'6 ,y rememb] old ,kit ,sm>t-- ',/rong aga9/ tide1 ! enorm\s :ale ,em]ges z he goes4' ,m9d y em]ge6 ,nev] he$ ! tide3 !re's pl5ty ( room = x z well z = y6 ,,lvi ,,( ,,consci5ce ,le/range 0 be+ g5ially bant]$ by ,rose "o day at d9n] on :at ,rose call$ problems ( life & be+1 or spr+s ( action1 or ev5 high] gr\nd4 ,le/range 0 oppressively e>ne/1 b he 0 always good-natur$4 ,ultimately8 he _h said1 :y1 ultimately1 ( c\rse1 y mu/ obey y\r consci5ce4 ,no1 no6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t won't d1 ,le/range6 ,:o are y1 aft] all8 ,i mean t ! 'y' y speak ( has some?+ to say ab\t x1 to decide :e!r to disobey or to obey4 ,& !n1 too1 ! same 'y' seems to h decid$ t consci5ce is to be obey$4 ,! ?+ t y describe z 'y\rself' is mu* m ultimate ?an consci5ce1 because if x is n conv9c$ t consci5ce is to be obey$1 x w n obey4 ,i mean t !re is some?+ :i* criticises ev5 ! consci5ce4 ,x c't be reason1 because y\r consci5ce ov]-rides y\r reason1 & x c't be in/9ct1 g5]ally speak+1 because consci5ce (t5 ov]-rides in/9ct4 ,i am confus$1 said ,le/range4 ,i mean by consci5ce ! ?+ :i* says ',y ought6' ,t is :at seems to me to prove ! exi/5ce ( ,god1 t !re is a s5se ( a moral law :i* "o does n inv5t1 & :i* is sometimes v inconv5i5tly aggressive4 ,yes1 t is all "r1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b h[ is x :5 !re are two 'oughts1' z !re (t5 are8 ,a man ought to "w--& he ought n to ov]work--some?+ else has to be call$ 9 to decide :]e "o 'ought' beg9s & ! o!r ends4 ,!re is a p]petual balanc+ ( moral claims4 ,y\r consci5ce tells y to d two ?+s :i* are mutually exclusive--bo? are "r 9 ! ab/ract4 ,:at are y to d !n8 ,i suppose t reason comes 9 !re1 said ,le/range4 ,!n reason is ! ultimate guide8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,oh1 ,fa!r1 y are d>k5+ c\nsel1 said ,le/range4 ,no1 no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i am j try+ to face facts4 ,well1 !n1 said ,le/range1 :at is ! ultimate ?+8 ,! ultimate ?+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 is ( c\rse ! ?+ y call y\rself--b ! ultimate in/9ct is probably a s5se ( proportion--a s5se ( beauty1 if y l6 ,b h[ does t "w out 9 practice8 said ,v9c5t4 ,x seems to me to be a m]e argum5t ab\t names & titles4 ,y are us+ consci5ce z ! s5se ( "r & wrong1 &1 z y say1 !y (t5 seem to h conflict+ claims4 ,le/range us$ x 9 ! fur!r s5se ( ! ?+ :i* ultimately decides y\r c\rse4 ,x is "r to be philan?ropic1 x is "r to be arti/ic--!y may conflict2 b some?+ ultimately tells y :at y c d1 :i* is really m important ?an :at y ought to d4 ,t is "r1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i ?9k ! te/ is simply ?is--t :5ev] y feel y\rself p>alys$1 & y\r natural gr[? arre/$ by y\r ob$i5ce to any "o claim--in/9ct1 reason1 consci5ce1 :atev] x is--! ultimate p[] cuts ! knot1 & tells y unfail+ly :]e y\r real life lies4 ,t is ! real failure1 :5 ow+ to "s habit1 "s dread1 "s %r9k+1 y d n foll[ y\r real life4 ,t1 x seems to me1 is :]e ! old unfl9*+ doctr9es ( s9 & rep5tance h done h>m4 ,! old self-mortify+ sa9ts1 :o ?\ght s badly ( human nature1 & :o tore !mselves to pieces1 resi/+ :olesome impulses--celibate sa9ts :o ought to h be5 m>ri$1 morbidly introspective sa9ts :o ne$$ h>d secul> "w1 ^? 7 ! p :o did n d>e to tru/ ! s5se ( proportion1 & 7 suspici\s ( ! call ( life4 ,look at ,/4 ,augu/9e 9 ! wond]ful passage ab\t light1 'slid+ by me 9 unnumb]$ guises'--he c only end by pray+ to be deliv]$ f ! temptation to enjoy ! sight ( dawn & sunset1 z sett+ 8 affections too mu* ^u ! ?+s ( e>?4 ,i mi/ru/ ! fe> ( life--,i mi/ru/ all fe>--at lea/ ,i ?9k x w take c>e ( itself1 & mu/ n be cultivat$4 ,i ?9k ! call ( ,god is ! call ( joy--& ,i believe t ! sup]/iti\s dread ( joy is "o ( ! mo/ pot5t ag5cies ( ! devil4 ,b !re are _m joys :i* "o has to mi/ru/1 said ,le/range2 m]e s5sual delights1 = in/ance4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b mo/ heal?y & normal p1 aft] a v little m$dl+ ) su* delights1 le>n c]ta9ly en\gh t !y only obscure ! real1 :olesome1 temp]ate joys4 ,y h to compromise wisely ) y\r in/9cts1 ,i ?9k4 ,y mu/n't sp5d too mu* "t 9 frontal attacks ^u !m4 ,y h a quick temp]1 let u say4 ,well1 x is bett] to lose x occasionally & apologise1 ?an to hold y\r tongue ab\t matt]s 9 :i* y are int]e/$ = fe> ( los+ x4 ,y are av>ici\s--well1 ho>d y\r money1 & !n yield on occasions to a g5]\s impulse4 ,t's a bett] way to defeat evil1 ?an by dribbl+ money away 9 giv+ little pres5ts :i* no "o wants4 ,i don't believe 9 petty w>f>e aga9/ faults4 ,y "k ! prov]b t if y knock too long at a clos$ door1 ! ,devil op5s x to y8 ,j give y\r s9s a knock-d[n bl[ e n[ & !n4 ,i believe 9 ! fire ( life m ?an ,i believe 9 ! cold wat] y use to qu5* x4 ,ev]y?+ c be =giv5 to passion2 no?+ c be =giv5 to *illy calculation4 ,! beautiful impulse is ! ?+ t "o mu/ n disobey2 & :5 ,i see p d big1 wrong-head$1 ungu>d$1 unwise ?+s1 get into r[s1 sacrifice a reputation or a c>e] )\t c\nt+ ! co/1 ,i am incl9$ to feel t !y h probably done bett] = !mselves ?an if !y _h be5 prud5t & cauti\s4 ,i don't say t !y are always "r1 because p yield sometimes to a m]e :im1 & sometimes to a *ildi%ly ov]:elm+ desire2 b if !re is a real t\* ( unselfi%ness ab\t a sacrifice--t's ! te/1 t "s "o else's joy %\ld be involv$--!n ,i feel t x isn't my bus9ess to approve or disapprove4 ,i feel 9 ! pres5ce ( a =ce--an 'ought' z ,le/range says1 :i* makes me %y ( int]v5+4 ,x's ! w9d ( ! ,_s--x bl[s :]e x w--& ,i "k ?is1 t ,i'm ?ankful beyond ev]y?+ :5 ,i feel x 9 my own sails4 ,tell me :5 y feel x next1 ,fa!r1 said ,v9c5t4 ,i feel x n[1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 n[ & "h4 ,& !re 0 some?+ 9 8 face :i* made u dis9cl9$ to ask him any fur!r que/ions4 ,,lvii ,,( ,,rank ,someone _h be5 tell+ a curi\s /ory ab\t a conte/$ pe]age4 ,x 0 a s5sational affair1 involv+ ! alt]ation ( regi/]s1 ! burn+ d[n ( a ve/ry1 & ! flight ( a cl]gyman4 ,i l t /ory1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & ,i l h]aldry & rank & all t4 ,x's decid$ly picturesque4 ,i enjoy ! zigzagg+ ( a title ?r\gh g5]ations4 ,b ! wor/ ( x is t ! mo/ picturesque ( all di/9ctions1 l be+ ! tw5tie? b>on1 let u say1 9 direct desc5t1 is really ( ! nature ( a /igma2 a man ^: tw5tie? ance/or 0 a b>on has no excuse = n be+ a duke4 ,b :at ,i don't l1 said ,rose1 is ! awful s5se ( sanctity :i* "s p h ab\t x4 ,i read a book ! o!r day :]e ! h]o sacrific$ ev]y?+ 9 turn1 a c>e]1 a =tune1 an engagem5t to a *>m+ girl1 a reputation1 & la/ ( all an und\bt$ claim to an anci5t b>ony4 ,i don't rememb] exactly :y he did all ^! ?+s--x 0 noble1 und\bt$ly x 0 noble6 ,b !re 0 some?+ :i* made me vaguely uncom=table ab\t ! ord] 9 :i* he spun 8 v>i\s advantages4 ,x's only a s5se ( beauty slightly awry1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 names are curi\sly sacr$ ?+s--!y (t5 seem to be "p ( ! inn]mo/ ess5ce ( a man4 ,i confess ,i w\ld r *ange mo/ ?+s ?an *ange my "n4 ,i w\ld r %ave my head1 = in/ance4 ,b my h]o w\ld h _h to *ange 8 "n if he _h claim$ ! pe]age1 said ,rose4 ,yes1 b y see ! title 0 8 "r "n1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 he 0 only masqu]ad+ z a common]1 y mu/ rememb]4 ,:y ,i %\ld value an anci5t pe]age is because ,i ?9k x might improve my mann]s4 ,impossible6 said ,v9c5t4 ,?ank y1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,yes1 my mann]s are v good = a common]--b ,i %\ld l to be a little m 9 ! gr& /yle4 ,i %\ld l to be able to look long at a p]son1 :o said some?+ ( :i* ,i disapprov$1 & !n *ange ! subject4 ,t w\ld be f9e6 ,b ,i d>5't d t n[4 ,n[ ,i h to argue4 ,d y rememb] 9 ,daniel ,d]onda1 ,gr&c\rt's habit ( look+ /onily at smil+ p]sons4 ,i h (t5 envi$ t6 ,:]eas my *ief function 9 life is look+ smil+ly at /ony p]sons1 & t's v b\rgeois4 ,we mu/ %[ m animation1 said ,b>?rop to 8 neighb\r4 ,i mean x6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b come1 ,i won't be p]sonal6 ,s]i\sly1 y "k1 ! "o ?+ ,i h admir$ 9 ! v few great p ,i h ev] met is ! abs5ce ( emb>rassm5t4 ,!y don't ne$ to expla9 :o !y are1 !y hav5't got to preface _! /atem5ts ( op9ion by fragm5ts ( autobiography1 to %[ _! "r to speak4 ,x is conv5i5t to feel t if p don't "k :o y are1 !y w feel slightly fooli% aft]w>ds :5 !y discov]1 l ! man :o %ook h&s w>mly ) ,que5 ,victoria1 & said1 ,i "k ! face q well1 b ,i c't put a "n to x4 ,x did n %[ any pride ( bir? 9 ! ,que5 to be extremely amus$ by ! incid5t4 ,b ev5 m ?an t ,i admire ! case :i* p ( t sort get by hav+ _h1 f *ildhood onw>ds1 to meet all sorts ( p]sons1 & to behave !mselves1 & to see t p d n feel %y or uncom=table4 ,i sometimes g ab\t ! village simply teem+ ) b5evol5ce1 & ,i pass "s "o1 & c't ?9k ( any?+ to say4 ,if ,i _h ! great mann]1 ,i %\ld say1 ,:y1 ,tommy1 is t y8 or "s su* human signal1 :i* w\ld n mean any?+ 9 p>ticul>1 b w\ld aft] all express exactly :at is 9 my m9d4 ,b ,i c't j d t4 ,i rack my bra9s = an appropriate rem>k1 because ,i am b\rgeois1 & h n ! po9t ( hon\r1 z ! ,fr5* say4 ,& by ! "t ,i h elaborat$ x1 ,tommy is gone1 & ,jack is pass+1 & ,i beg9 elaborat+ aga92 :]eas ,i %\ld simply add1 if ,i 7 ari/ocratic1 ',& t's y1 ,jack1 isn't x8' ,t's ! way to talk4 ,we all laugh$2 & ,b>?rop said1 ,well1 ,i mu/ say1 ,fa!r1 t ,i h (t5 envi$ y y\r p[] ( say+ some?+ to ev]yone4 ,i h sp5t m tr\ble on x ?an x is wor?1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 & t's my po9t1 t if ,i 7 only a great man1 ,i %\ld h le>nt x all 9 *ildhood1 & %\ld n h to wa/e "t ov] x at all4 ,t's ! be/ ( rank2 x's a device = sav+ tr\ble2 x saves introduction & explanation & autobiography & elaborate civility1 & makes p will+ to be pleas$ by ! smalle/ sign ( affability4 ,y may dep5d ^u x t x 0 a v true in/9ct :i* made ! ,scot* m9i/] pray t all might h hon\rable ance/ors4 ,x isn't a sacr$ ?+1 rank1 & x isn't a magnific5t ?+--b x's a pleasant human sort ( ?+ 9 ! "r h&s4 ,:at is m1 9 ^! democratic days1 x t5ds to make p ( rank additionally anxi\s n to p>ade ! fact--& ,i d\bt if !re is any?+ on ! :ole happi] ?an hav+ advantages :i* y don't want to p>ade--x gives a tranquil sort ( cont5tm5t1 & x removes all futile ambitions4 ,to be1 by desc5t1 :at a desp]ately indu/ri\s lawy] or a successful g5]al feels himself amply rew>d$ = 8 toil by becom+1 isn't no?+4 ,i'm always r suspici\s ( ! p :o try to pret5d t x is no?+ at all4 ,! rank is b ! gu9ea /amp1 ( c\rse4 ,b aft] all ! /amp is :at makes x a gu9ea in/ead ( an unnegotiable disc ( metal6 ,,lviii ,,( ,,biography ,fa!r ,payne us$ (t5 to say t he 0 m int]e/$ 9 biography ?an 9 any o!r =m ( art1 & believ$ t !re 0 a great] future be=e x ?an be=e any o!r sort ( lit]ature4 ,j ?9k1 ,i rememb] 8 say+1 human portraiture--! mo/ int]e/+ ?+ 9 ! _w by f>--:at ! novel tries to d & c't d6 ,:at exactly d y mean by 'c't d'8 ,i said4 ,:y1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 because we are all s horrifi$ at ! idea ( tell+ ! tru? or look+ ! tru? 9 ! face4 ,! novel accommodates human nature1 pat*es x up1 v>ni%es x1 puts x 9 a good light3 x may be arti/ic & romantic & poetical--b x hasn't got ! beauty ( tru?4 ,life is mu* m int]e/+ ?an any imag9ative fricassee ( x6 ,^! reali/ic fell[s--!y are mov+ t[>ds biography1 b !y hav5't got mu* beyond ! backgr\nds yet4 ,b :y %\ldn't x be done8 ,i said4 ,!re's ,boswell's ,johnson--:y does t /& almo/ alone8 ,:y1 ?9k ( all ! difficulties1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,!re's no?+ l ,boswell's ,johnson1 ( c\rse--b :at a subject6 ,!re's no?+ t s proves ,boswells g5ius--we mu/n't =get t--z ! o!r wret*$ /uff writt5 ab\t ,johnson4 ,!re's a passage 9 ,boswell1 :5 he didn't see ,johnson = a long "t1 & /uck 9 a few /ories collect$ f o!r fri5ds4 ,!y are awfully flat & flabby--!y h all be5 roll$ ab\t 9 "s "o's m9d1 till !y are z smoo? z pebbles--"s bits ( ! crude/ rud5ess1 n work$ up to--"s knock-d[n s*oolboy retorts :i* mo/ civilis$ m5 w\ld h _h ! dec5cy to repress--& !n we get back to ! real ,boswell aga91 & h[ fre% & lively x is6 ,b :at are ! difficulties y spoke (8 ,i said4 ,:y1 9 ! fir/ place1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 a biography ought to be writt5 dur+ a man's life & n aft] x--& v few p w take ! tr\ble to write ?+s d[n day aft] day ab\t anyone else1 z ,boswell did4 ,if x waits till aft] a man's dea?1 a hu% falls on ! sc5e--ev]yone is pi\s & s5tim5tal4 ,( c\rse1 ,boswell's life is in>ti/ic en\gh--x w&]s along1 "h a lett]1 !re a lot ( criticism1 "h a talk1 !re a rem9isc5ce4 ,x isn't arrang$--x has no s*eme3 b h[ full ( ze/ x is6 ,& !n y h to be pretty %ameless 9 pursu+ y\r h]o1 & elb[+ o!r p away1 & draw+ him out2 & y h to be prep>$ to be kick$ & trampl$ ^u1 :5 ! h]o is cross3 & !n y h to be a consid]able snob1 & say :at y really value & admire1 h[ev] vulg> x is4 ,& !n y mu/ expect to be call$ h>d names :5 ! book appe>s4 ,i 0 read+ a review ! o!r day ( :at seem$ to me to be a h>mless biography en\gh--a little frank & en?usia/ic affair1 ,i ga!r$3 & ! review] wrote 9 ! /yle ( ,pecksniff1 caddi% & priggi% at ! same "t3 he call$ ! man to task = botanis+ on 8 fri5d's grave--t un=tunate v]se ( ,wordswor?'s1 y "k--& he left ! impression t ! writ] _h done some?+ indelicate & impi\s1 & all ) a consci\sness ( h[ high-m9d$ he himself 04 ,y ought to write a biography z ?\gh y 7 tell+ y\r tale 9 a fri5dly & g5tle e>--y ought n to lose y\r s5se ( hum\r1 or be afraid ( %[+ y\r subject 9 a trivial or ridicul\s light4 ,look at ,boswell aga9--,i don't suppose a m deadly case c\ld be made out aga9/ any man1 ) p]fect tru?1 ?an c\ld be made out aga9/ ,johnson4 ,y c\ld %[ him z brutal1 r\gh1 gre$y1 sup]/iti\s1 prejudic$1 unju/1 & back x all up by indisputable evid5ce--b x's ! balance1 ! net result1 t matt]s6 ,we h all ( u faults2 we "k !m1 our fri5ds "k !m--:y ! devil %\ld n ev]yone "k !m8 ,b !n an int]e/+ man dies1 & ev]yone becomes loyal & s5tim5tal4 ,n a ^w mu/ be said :i* c\ld pa9 or w\nd anyone4 ,! fri5ds & relations1 x w\ld seem1 are n pa9$ by ! dead man's faults1 !y are only pa9$ t o!r p %\ld "k !m4 ,! biography becomes a mixture ( dis9fectants & p]fumes1 z if x 7 all meant to hide "s putrid ?+4 ,x's l :at ,j[ett said ab\t a te/imonial1 ',!re's a /rong smell "h ( some?+ left out6' ,we h h>dly ev] _h any?+ b romantic biographies hi!rto1 & !y all smell ( some?+ left out4 ,!re's a tribe some:]e 9 ,africa :o w commit murd] if anyone tries to sket* !m4 ,!y ?9k x br+s bad luck to be sket*$1 a sort ( 'ov]look+' z !y say4 ,well t seems to be ! sort ( sup]/ition t _m p h ab\t biographies1 z if ! dep>t$ _s w\ld be vex$ by any?+ :i* isn't a complim5t4 ,i suppose x is p>tly ?is--t _m p are ill-br$1 glum1 & suspici\s1 & c't be> ! idea ( _! faults be+ record$4 ,!y hate all frankness3 & s :5 any?+ frank gets writt51 !y talk ab\t violat+ sacr$ confid5ces1 & ab\t %ameless exposures4 ,x is really t we are all horribly uncivilis$1 & c't be> to give ourselves away1 or to be giv5 away4 ,( c\rse we don't want biographies ( m]ely selfi%1 /upid1 brutal1 ill-br$ m5--b ev]yone ought to be ?ankful :5 a life c be told frankly1 & :5 !re's en\gh t is good & beautiful to make x wor? tell+4 ,b1 z ,i said1 ! ?+ c't be done1 unless x is writt5 to a great ext5t 9 a man's lifetime4 ,conv]sation is a v difficult ?+ to rememb]--x c't be rememb]$ aft]w>ds--x ne$s notes at ! "t3 & few p's talk is wor? record+2 & ev5 if x is1 p are a little a%am$ ( do+ x--!re seems some?+ trea*]\s ab\t x3 b x ought to be done1 = all t6 ,y don't want s v mu* ( x--,i don't suppose t ,boswell has got d[n a million? "p ( all ,johnson said--y j want specim5s--en\gh to give ! feel+ ( x & ! quality ( x4 ,"o doesn't want imm5sely long biographies--j en\gh to make y feel t y h se5 a man & sat ) him & he>d him talk--& ! k9d ( way 9 :i* he dealt ) ?+s & p4 ,i'll tell y a man :o w\ld h made a magnific5t biography--,"l ,melb\rne4 ,he _h a great *>m1 & a c]ta9 :imsical & fanta/ic hum\r1 :i* made him d funny little undignifi$ ?+s1 l a *ild4 ,b e s+le dictum ( ,melb\rne's has got some?+ orig9al & graceful ab\t x--always full ( good s5se1 nev] pomp\s1 always ) a delici\s lightness ( t\*4 ,! only p]son :o took ! tr\ble to put d[n ,melb\rne's say+s1 j z !y came out1 0 ,que5 ,victoria--b !n %e 0 9 love ) him )\t kn[+ x3 & 9 ! end he got /uck into ! heavie/ & mo/ pond]\s ( biographies1 & is lo/ to ! _w4 ,/ale politics--!re's no?+ to beat !m = dulness unutt]able6 ,b isn't x an almo/ impossible ?+1 ,i said1 to expect a man :o is a fir/-rate writ]1 ) ambitions 9 au?or%ip1 to devote himself to putt+ d[n ?+s ab\t "s int]e/+ p]son ) ! *ance ( _! nev] be+ publi%$8 ,v few p w\ld h suffici5t self-abnegation = t4 ,t's true en\gh1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & ( c\rse x is a risk--a man mu/ run ! risk ( sacrific+ a good deal ( 8 "t & en]gy to record+ unimportant details1 p]haps q uselessly1 b ) ?is possibility ahead ( him1 t he may produce an immortal book--& ,i grant y t ! inf]nal vanity & self-glorification ( au?ors is a real difficulty 9 ! way4 ,he 0 sil5t = a m9ute or two1 & !n he said3 ,n[1 ,i'll tell y ano!r difficulty1 t at pres5t p only want biographies ( m5 ( affairs1 ( big p]=m]s1 m5 :o h done ?+s--,i don't want t4 ,i want biographies ( p :o wield$ a *>m ( p]sonality1 ev5 if !y didn't d ?+s--p1 ,i mean1 :o des]ve to live & to be lov$4--,^? are ! really puzzl+ figures a g5]ation lat]1 ! m5 :o liv$ 9 an atmosph]e ( admir+ & delight$ fri5d%ip1 radiat+ a sort ( en*ant+ influ5ce1 hav+ ! mo/ extravagant ?+s said & believ$ ab\t !m by _! fri5ds1 & yet nev] do+ any?+ 9 p>ticul>4 ,p1 ,i mean1 l ,ar?ur ,hallam1 ^: lett]s & rema9s are fe>fully pomp\s & tiresome--& :o yet _h ,9 ,memoriam writt5 ab\t him1 & :o 0 describ$ by ,glad/one z ! mo/ p]fect human be+1 physically1 intellectually & morally1 he _h ev] se54 ,!n !re is ,br[n+'s ,domett--! prototype ( ,w>+--& ,keats's fri5d ,james ,rice1 & ,/ev5son's fri5d ,f]ri]--t's a mat*less little biographical fragm5t1 ,/ev5son's lett] ab\t ,f]ri]--^? are ! sort ( figures ,i mean1 ! m5 :o *>m$ & delight$ ev]yone1 7 brave & humor\s1 gave a pretty turn to ev]y?+ !y said--^? are ! roses by ! wayside6 ,!y _h ill-heal? "s ( !m1 !y hadn't ! requisite t\ghness = "w1 !y ev5 took to dr9k1 or w5t to ! bad4 ,b !y are ! p ( quality & tone1 ab\t :om "o wants to "k mu* m ?an ab\t sun-burnt & positive ,g5]als--! /rong sil5t sort--or ov]work$ politicians b5t on conciliat+ ! riff-raff4 ,i don't want to "k ab\t m5 simply because !y did hone/ "w1 & /ill less ab\t m5 :o nev] d>$ to say :at !y ?\ght & felt4 ,y c't make a /rik+ picture out ( a s5se ( responsibility6 ,i'm n und]rat+ good "w--x's f9e 9 e way1 b x c't always be writt5 ab\t4 ,!re are exceptions1 ( c\rse4 ,nelson & ,well+ton w\ld h be5 spl5did subjects1 if anyone _h really ,boswellis$ !m4 ,b ,nelson _h a !atrical t\* ab\t him1 & became almo/ too romantic a h]o2 :ile ! ,duke _h a fund ( admirable hum\r & almo/ grotesque directness ( expression1--& he has nev] be5 half done ju/ice to1 ?\gh y c see f ,"l ,mahon's little book ( ,table ,talk & ,b5jam9 ,haydon's ,di>y1 & ! lett]s to ,miss ,j41 :at a ri* affair x all might h be51 if only !re _h be5 a p]fectly bold1 c&id1 & tru?ful biograph]4 ,b ! *>m+ p ( :om y spoke1 ,i said--isn't ! :ole ?+ (t5 too evanesc5t to be record$8 ,n a bit ( x6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & ^! are ! p we want to he> ab\t1 because !y repres5t ! f9e fl[] ( civilisation4 ,if a man has a delightful fri5d l t1 always animat$1 fre%1 humor\s1 petulant1 orig9al1 he c\ldn't d bett] ?an obs]ve him1 keep scraps ( 8 talk1 record sc5es :]e he took a lead+ "p1 get ! impression d[n4 ,x may come to no?+1 ( c\rse1 b x may also come to some?+ wor? m ?an a ?\s& twaddl+ novels4 ,! imm5se use ( x--if "o mu/ ?9k ab\t ! use--is t su* a life might really %[ commonplace & ord9>y p h[ to h&le ! simple/ mat]ials ( life ) ze/ & delicacy4 ,novels don't really d t--!y only make p want to escape f middle-class conditions1 :at ev]yone is ! bett] = see+ is n h[ life might conceivably be h&l$1 b h[ x actually has be5 h&l$1 fre%ly & di/9ctly1 by someone 9 a commonplace milieu4 ,life isn't a bit romantic1 b x is devili% int]e/+4 ,x doesn't g z y want x to g4 ,sometimes x lags1 sometimes x dances2 & horrible ?+s happ51 (t5 mo/ unexpect$ly4 ,9 ! novel1 ev]y?+ has to be r\nd$ (f & l$ up to1 & y nev] get a notion ( ! inconsequ5ce ( life4 ,! int]e/ ( life is n :at happ5s1 b h[ x affects p1 h[ !y meet x1 h[ !y fly f x3 ! relief ( a biography is t y hav5't got to inv5t y\r sett+ & y\r "*--all t is done = y3 y h j got to select ! *>act]i/ic ?+s1 & n to blur ! ?+s t y w\ld h wi%$ o!rwise4 ,= ,god's sake1 let u get at ! tru? 9 books1 & n use !m z scre5s to keep ! fire (f1 or z ?+s to di/ract "o f ! depress+ facts 9 "o's bank-book4 ,i welcome all ?is output ( novels1 because x at lea/ %[s t p are int]e/$ 9 life1 & try+ to %ape x4 ,b ,i don't want romance1 & ,i don't want ugly & s5sational realism ei!r4 ,t is only romance 9 ano!r %ape4 ,i want real m5 & wom5--n f an autobiographical po9t ( view1 because t is g5]ally romantic too--b f ! po9t ( view ( ! fri5ds to :om !y %[$ !mselves frankly & naturally1 & )\t t inf]nal retic5ce :i* is n ei!r rev]5ce or *ivalry1 b simply an inability to face ! tru?1--:i* is ! direct influ5ce ( ! _s ( evil4 ,if "o ( my "y m5 turns out a good biography ( an int]e/+ p]son1 h[ev] ineffective he 01 ,i %all n h liv$ 9 va94 ,=1 m9d ?is--v few p's p]=mances are wor? rememb]+1 :ile v _m p's p]sonalities are4 ,,lix ,,( ,,exclusiv5ess ,rose told a /ory "o night :i* amus$ ,fa!r ,payne imm5sely4 ,he _h be5 up 9 t[n1 & _h sate next a ,m9i/]'s wife1 :o _h be5 v confid5tial4 ,%e _h said to ,rose t h] husb& _h j be5 elect$ into a small d9+-club well kn[n 9 ,london1 :]e ! numb]s 7 v limit$1 ! society v *oice1 & :]e a s+le negative vote exclud$ a c&idate4 ,i don't ?9k1 said ! good lady1 t my husb& has ev] be5 s pleas$ at any?+ t has befall5 him1 n ev5 :5 he 0 fir/ giv5 (fice--su* a di/+ui%$ club--& s exclusive6 ,fa!r ,payne laugh$ l\d & %rill4 ,t's human nature at its nak$e/6 he said4 ,x's l ,miss ,tox1 9 ,dombey & ,son1 y "k1 :o1 :5 ,dombey ask$ h] if ! s*ool %e recomm5d$ 0 select1 said1 ',x's exclusion itself6' ,:at p love is ! p[] ( be+ able to exclude--n necess>ily disagreeable p1 or tiresome p1 b simply p :o w\ld l to be inside-- ',lov+ n1 hat+ n1 j *oos+ s4' ,^? are ! two great =ces ( society1 y "k--! exclusive =ce1 & ! inclusive =ce3 ! =ce t says1 ',we few1 we happy few1 we b& ( bro!rs'2 & ! =ce :i* says1 ',! m ! m]ri]4' ,! exclusive =ce is repres5t$ by ca/e & class1 by g5tility & donni%ness1 by sect>ianism & nationalism1 & ev5 by patriotism--& ! inclusive =ce is repres5t$ by ,walt ,:itmanism & ,*ri/ianity4 ,b :at ab\t ,/4 ,paul's words1 said ,le/range1 ',hon\r all m53 love ! bro!rhood'8 ,t's an attempt to recognise bo?1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+4 ,( c\rse y c't love ev]yone equally--t's ! error ( democracy--democracy is really "o ( ! exclusive =ces1 because x excludes ! h]oes--x is 'mundus contra ,a?anasium1'--x is be/ illu/rat$ by :at ! ,am]ican democrat said to ,*>les ,k+sley1 ',my pr9ciple is :5ev] y see a head above ! cr[d1 hit x4' ,democracy is1 at its wor/1 ! jeal\sy ( ! av]age man = ! sup]ior man4 ,b :i* is ! be/ pr9ciple8 said ,v9c5t4 ,bo? are necess>y1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,"o mu/ aim at inclusiv5ess1 ( c\rse3 & we mu/ be q c]ta9 t we exclude on ! gr\nd ( qualities1 & n on ! gr\nd ( sup]ficial diff]5ces4 ,! be/ influ5ces 9 ! _w arise n f individuals b f gr\ps--& !re is no sort ( reason :y gr\ps %\ld spoil _! int5sive qualities by try+ to admit outsid]s4 ,! /r5g? ( a gr\p lies 9 ! fact t "o gets ! s5se ( fell[%ip & common purpose1 ( sympa?y & enc\ragem5t4 ,a man :o has to fight a battle s+le-h&$ is always tempt$ to wond] :e!r1 aft] all1 x is wor? all ! tr\ble & misund]/&+4 ,b1 on ! o!r h&1 y are at lib]ty to mi/ru/ ! m5 :o say t !y don't want to "k p4 ,d y rememb] h[ ,*>les ,lamb once said1 ',i d hate ! ,trott]s6' ',b ,i ?\ght y didn't "k !m8' said someone4 ',t's j x1' said ,*>les ,lamb1 ',i nev] c hate anyone t ,i "k6' ,! be/ br$ man is ! man :o f9ds x easy to get on ) ev]ybody on equal t]ms3 b x's "p ( ! snobbi%ness ( human nature t exclusiv5ess is r admir$ ?an o!rwise4 ,!re's a delightfully exclusive woman 9 "o ( ,h5ry ,james' novels1 :o refuses to be introduc$ to a family4 ,%e entirely decl9es1 & ! man :o is anxi\s to effect ! introduction says1 ',i c't ?9k :y y object to !m4' ',!y are hopelessly vulg>1' says ! incisive lady1 '& 9 ?is %ort life1 t is en\gh6' ,b ,/4 ,paul's rem>k is really v good1 because x means ',treat ev]yone ) c\rtesy--b res]ve y\r f9e affections = ! inn] circle1 ^: wor? y really "k6'--x's a bett] !ory ?an t ( ! man :o said1 ',x is en\gh = me to be ) ^? :om ,i love6' ,t's r inhuman4 ,d y rememb]1 said ,b>?rop1 ! l9es 9 ,t5nyson's ,gu9ev]e1 :i* sum up ! knightly attributes8 ',high ?\ght1 & amiable words1 ,& c\rtl9ess1 & ! desire ( fame1 ,& love ( tru?1 & all t makes a man4' ,t's v int]e/+ & curi\s6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,de> me1 ,i _h =gott5 t--did ,t5nyson say t8--,come--let's h x aga96 ,b>?rop repeat$ ! l9es aga94 ,n[1 t's ! g5tlemanly ideal ( ! sixties1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 &1 good heav5s1 h[ (f5sive x s\nds6 ,! mo/ curi\s "p ( x really is '! desire ( fame'--( c\rse1 a hundr$ ye>s ago1 no "o made any secret ( t6 ,y rememb] ,nelson's frank confession1 made n once1 b _m times1 t he pursu$ glory1 ',defeat--or ,we/m9/] ,abbey'--didn't he say t8 ,b surely p pursue fame z mu* z ev]8 said ,v9c5t4 ,i d>esay1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b x isn't n[ consid]$ good ta/e to say s4 ,y h got to pret5d1 at all ev5ts1 t y wi% to b5efit humanity n[-a-days4 ,if a man _h said to ,rusk9 or ,c>lyle1 ',:y d y write all ^! books8' & !y repli$1 ',x is because ( my desire = fame1' x w\ld h be5 ?\ght vulg>4 ,!re's t odd /ory ( ,rob]t ,br[n+1 :5 he receiv$ an ovation at ,ox=d1 & someone said to him1 ',i suppose y don't c>e ab\t all ?is1' he said1 ',x is :at ,i h wait$ = all my life6' ,i wond] if he did say x6 ,i ?9k he mu/ h done1 because x is exactly ! sort ( ?+ t "o is suppos$ n to say--& ,i confess ,i don't l x--x seems to me va91 & n pr\d1 ,i don't m9d a k9d ( pride--,i ?9k a man ought to "k :at he is wor?3 b ,i hate vanity4 ,p]haps t's only because ,i hav5't be5 a success myself4 ,b mayn't y desire fame8 said ,v9c5t4 ,x seems to me r priggi% to condemn x6 ,_m f9e ?+s s\nd priggi% :5 !y are said1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b1 to be frank1 ,i don't ?9k t a man ought to desire fame4 ,i ?9k he may desire to d a ?+ well4 ,i don't ?9k he ought to desire to d x bett] ?an o!r p4 ,x is ! want+ to beat o!r p :i* is l[4 ,:y n wi% !m to d x well too8 ,y mean t ! diff]5ce betwe5 pride & vanity lies !re8 said ,b>?rop4 ,yes1 ,i d1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 & x is a pity t pride is includ$ 9 ! deadly s9s1 because ! ^w has *ang$ its s5se4 ,pride us$ to mean ! contempt ( o!rs--t's a deadly s91 if y l4 ,x us$ to mean a gha/ly sort ( self-satisfaction1 arriv$ at by comp>ison ( y\rself ) o!rs4 ,b n[ to be call$ a pr\d man is a real complim5t4 ,x means t a man c't condesc5d to any?+ mean or base4 ,we ought all to be pr\d--n pr\d ( any?+1 because t is vulg>1 b a%am$ ( do+ any?+ :i* we "k to be feeble or l[4 ,! ,ph>isee 9 ! p>able 0 va91 n pr\d1 because he 0 comp>+ himself ) o!r p4 ,b x is all "r to be grateful to ,god = hav+ a s5se ( dec5cy1 j z y may be grateful = hav+ a s5se ( beauty4 ,! hatefulness ( x comes 9 :5 y are secretly glad t o!r p love indec5cy & ugl9ess4 ,t is ! exclusive feel+ !n8 said ,b>?rop4 ,yes1 ! bad k9d ( exclusiv5ess1 said ,fa!r ,payne--! k9d ( exclusiv5ess :i* m9i/]s to self-satisfaction4 ,& t is ! fault ( ! gr\p :5 x becomes a cot]ie4 ,! cot]ie means a set ( inf]ior p1 bol/]+ up ea* o!r's vanity by mutual admiration4 ,9 a cot]ie y pur*ase praise = y\r own bad "w1 by pret5d+ to admire ! bad "w ( o!r p4 ,b ! real gr\p is int]e/$1 n 9 ea* o!r's fame1 b 9 ! common "w4 ,x seems to me confus+1 said ,v9c5t4 ,n a bit ( x1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 we h to consid] our limitations3 we are limit$ by "t & space4 ,y c't "k ev]ybody & love ev]ybody & admire ev]ybody--& y c't sacrifice ! joy & happ9ess ( real intimacy ) a few = a dilut$ acqua9tance ) five hundr$ p4 ,b y mu/n't ?9k t y\r own gr\p is ! only "o--t is ! bad exclusiv5ess--y ought to ?9k t !re are ?\s&s ( intimate gr\ps all ov] ! _w1 :i* y c\ld love j z en?usia/ically z y love y\r own1 if y 7 inside !m3 & !n1 ap>t f y\r own gr\p1 y ought to be prep>$ to f9d reasonable & amiable & companionable p ev]y:]e1 & to be able to put y\rself 9 l9e ) !m4 ,:y1 good heav5s1 !re are millions ( possible fri5ds 9 ! _w6 & "o ( my deepe/ & firme/ hopes ab\t ! next _w1 s to speak1 is t !re w be "s *ance ( communicat+ ) !m all at once1 in/ead ( %utt+ ourselves up 9 a fr[sy room l ?is1 smell+ ( meat & w9e4 ,i don't d5y y are v good fell[s1 b if y ?9k t y are ! only fit & desirable company 9 ! _w = me or = ea* o!r1 ,i tell y pla9ly t y are utt]ly mi/ak54 ,t's :y ,i insi/ on y\r travell+ ab\t1 to avoid our becom+ a cot]ie4 ,!n x comes to ?is1 said ,v9c5t drily1 t y c't be inclusive1 & t y ought n to be exclusive8 ,yes1 t's exactly x6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y meant to %ut me up ) "o ( our pat5t ,ox=d epigrams1 ,i "k--&1 ( c\rse1 x is deuc$ sm>t6 ,b put x ! o!r way r\nd1 & x's all "r4 ,y c't help be+ exclusive1 & y mu/ try to be inclusive--t's ! tru?1 ) ! ,ox=d tang tak5 out6 ,we laugh$ at ?is1 & ,v9c5t r$d5$4 ,don't m9d me1 old man6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b try to make y\r epigrams g5ial in/ead ( contemptu\s--inclusive r ?an exclusive4 ,!y are j z true1 & ! bitt] flav\r is only fit = ! vitiat$ ta/e ( ,dons4 ,& ,fa!r ,payne /ret*$ out a l>ge h& d[n ! table1 & enclos$ ,v9c5t's 9 8 own4 ,yes1 x 0 a na/y turn1 said ,v9c5t1 smil+1 ,i see :at y mean4 ,! _w is a fri5dli] place ?an p "k1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,we h inh]it$ a suspicion ( ! unkn[n & ! unfamili>4 ,don't y rememb] h[ ! ladies 9 ,! ,mill on ! ,floss mi/ru/$ ea* o!r's recipes1 & ate dry bread 9 o!r h\ses r ?an t\* jam or butt] made on diff]5t me?ods4 ,t is ! old bad ta9t4 ,b ,i ?9k we are mov+ 9 ! "r direction4 ,i fancy t ! awak5+ may be v ne>1 :5 we %all sudd5ly realise t we are all jolly good fell[s1 & wond] t we h be5 s bl9d4 ,a ,roman ,ca?olic fri5d ( m9e1 said ,rose--he is a prie/--told me t he att5d$ a cl]ical d9n] ! o!r day4 ,! heal? ( ! ,pope 0 propos$1 & !y all got up & sang1 ',= he's a jolly good fell[6' ,!re 0 a l\d laugh at ?is4 ,i l t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ,i l _! do+ t6 ,i expect t t is exactly :at ! ,pope is6 ,i %\ld de>ly love to h a good long quiet talk ) him6 ,i ?9k ,i c\ld let 9 a little light3 & ,i %\ld l to ask him if he enjoy$ 8 fame1 de> old boy3 & :e!r he 0 int]e/$ 9 8 "w6 ',:y1 ,mr4 ,payne1 x's r anxi\s "w1 y "k1 ! c>e ( all ! *ur*es'--,i c he> him say+--'b ,i rub along1 & ! "t passes quickly6 ?\gh1 to be sure1 ,i'm n z "y z ,i 0 once3 & :ile ,i am on ! subject1 ,mr4 ,payne1 y look to me to be gett+ on 9 ye>s y\rself6' ,& !n ,i %\ld say ',yes1 y\r ,hol9ess1 ,i am a man t has se5 tr\ble4' ,& he w\ld say1 ',i'm sorry to he> t6 ,tell me all ab\t x6' ,t's h[ we %\ld talk1 l old fri5ds1 9 a snug p>l\r 9 ! ,vatican1 look+ out on ! g>d5s6 ,,lx ,,( ,,tak+ ,,life ,i 0 walk+ ) ,fa!r ,payne "o hot summ] day ^u a field-pa? he 0 v fond (4 ,!re 0 a copse1 ?r\gh ! middle ( :i* ! little riv]1 ! ,fyllot1 ran4 ,x 0 ! b\nd>y ( ! ,aveley e/ate1 & x "h jo9$ ano!r /ream1 ! ,rode1 :i* came 9 f ! s\?4 ,! pa? w5t ?r\gh ! copse1 d5se ) hazels1 & !re 0 always a musical s\nd ( laps+ wat]s hidd5 9 ! wood4 ,! birds sang %rill 9 ! ?icket1 & ,fa!r ,payne said1 ,?is is ! juncture ( ,pison & ,hiddekel1 y "k1 riv]s ( ,p>adise4 ,aveley is ,havilah1 :]e ! gold is good1 & :]e !re is bdellium1 if we only knew :]e to look = x4 ,i fancy x is ri* 9 bdellium4 ,i came d[n "h1 ,i rememb]1 ! fir/ day ,i took possession4 ,x 0 wond]ful1 aft] be+ s long among ! t5ts ( ,k$>1 to plant my flag 9 ,havilah2 ,i made a v[ t day--,i don't "k if ,i h kept x6 ,:at 0 t8 ,i said4 ,only t ,i w\ld n get too fond ( x all1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 smil+1 & t ,i w\ld %>e x ) o!r p4 ,b ,i h got v fond ( x1 & ,i hav5't %>$ x4 ,ask+ p to /ay ) y1 t !y may see :at a nice place y h to live 91 is h>dly %>+ x4 ,x is r ! o!r way--! la/ ref9em5t ( possession1 9 fact6 ,x's v odd1 he w5t on1 t ,i %\ld love ?is little bit ( ! _w s mu* z ,i d4 ,x's call$ m9e--t's a curi\s idea4 ,i h got v little p[] ov] x4 ,i c't prev5t ! trees & fl[]s f gr[+ "h1 or ! birds f ne/+ "h1 if !y h a m9d to d s4 ,i c only keep human be+s out ( x1 m or less4 ,& yet ,i love x ) a sort ( passion1 s t ,i want o!r p to love x too4 ,i %\ld l to ?9k t aft] ,i am gone1 "s "o %\ld come "h & see h[ exquisitely beautiful x is1 & wi% to keep x & t5d x4 ,t's :at lies beh9d ! pr9ciple ( inh]itance2 x isn't ! money or ! position only t we desire to h& on to our *ildr5--x's ! love ( ! e>? & all t gr[s out ( x2 & possession means ! desire ( keep+ x unspoil$ & beautiful1 ,i c\ld weep at ! idea ( ?is all be+ swept away1 & a bdellium-m9e be+ />t$ "h1 ) a factory-*imney & r[s ( little h\ses2 & yet ,i suppose t if ! population increas$1 & ! l& 0 all nationalis$1 a great deal ( ! beauty ( ,engl& w\ld g4 ,i hope1 h[ev]1 t ! s5se ( beauty might increase too--,i don't ?9k ! c\ntry p "h h mu* notion ( beauty4 ,!y only l ?+s to rema9 z !y "k !m4 ,x's a fe>ful luxury really = a man l myself to live 9 a l& l ?is1 s full ( old woodl& & pa/ure1 :i* is only possible "u ri* proprietors4 ,i'm an abuse1 ( c\rse4 ,i h got a mu* l>g] slice ( my native soil ?an any "o man ought to h2 b ,i don't see ! way out4 ,! individual c't dispossess himself--x's ! sy/em :i* is wrong4 ,he /opp$ 9 ! middle ( ! copse1 & said3 ,did y ev] see any?+ s p]fectly lovely z ?is place8 ,& yet x is all liv+ 9 a /ate ( w> & an>*y4 ,! trees & plants aga9/ ea* o!r1 all fight+ = a place 9 ! sun4 ,! rabbit aga9/ ! grass1 ! bird aga9/ ! worm1 ! cat aga9/ ! bird4 ,!re's no peace "h really--x's full ( t]rors6 ,only ! /ream is tak+ x easy4 ,x hasn't to live by tak+ life1 & ! v s\nd ( x is innoc5t4 ,pres5tly he said3 ,?is is all cut d[n e five ye>s4 ,x's all made into *>coal & bobb9s4 ,!n ! fl[]s all come up 9 a ru%2 !n ! copse beg9s to gr[ aga9--,i nev] c make up my m9d :i* is mo/ beautiful4 ,i come & help ! woodm5 :5 !y cut ! copse4 ,t's pleasant "w1 y "k1 cutt+ & b9d+4 ,i sometimes wond] if ! hazels hate be+ sla%$ ab\t4 ,i expect !y d2 b x c't hurt !m mu*1 = up !y come aga94 ,x's ! "r way to live1 ( c\rse1 to beg9 aga9 ! m9ute y are cut d[n to ! roots1 to /ruggle out to ! air & sun aga91 & to give ?anks = life4 ,don't y feel y\rself z if y 7 good = c5turies ( liv+8 ,i'm n sure t ,i d1 ,i said1 ,i don't feel z if ,i _h q got my h& 94 ,yes1 t's all "r = y1 old boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y are le>n+ to live1 & y are liv+4 ,b an old fell[ l me1 :o has got 9 ! way ( x1 & has f\nd out at la/ h[ good x is to be alive1 has to realise t he has only got a fag-end left4 ,i don't at all want to die2 ,i've got my h&s z full z !y c hold ( pretty & delightful ?+s2 & ,i don't at all want to be cut d[n l ! copse1 & to h to build up my bran*es aga94 ,yes1 he add$1 pond]+1 ,i us$ to ?9k ,i %\ld n live long1 & ,i didn't mu* want to1 ,i believe6 ,b n[--x's almo/ disgraceful to ?9k h[ mu* ,i prize life1 & h[ int]e/+ ,i f9d x4 ,dep5d ^u x1 on we g6 ,! only ?+ t is my/]i\s to me is :y ,i love a place l ?is s mu*4 ,i don't suppose x loves me4 ,i suppose !re isn't a bea/ or a bird1 p]haps n a tree or a fl[]1 9 ! place t won't be r reliev$ :5 ,i g back home )\t hav+ kill$ some?+4 ,i expect1 9 fact1 t ,i h left a track ( dea? beh9d me 9 ! grass--little beetles & ?+s t w]5't do+ any h>m1 & t lik$ be+ alive4 ,t's pretty bea/ly1 y "k1 b h[ is "o to help x8 ,!n my affection = x is v futile4 ,i c't e/abli% a civilis$ sy/em "h2 ,i c't prev5t ! creatures f eat+ ea* o!r1 or ! trees f cr[d+ out ! fl[]s4 ,i c't eat or use ! ?+s myself1 ,i c't take !m away ) me2 ,i c only /& & ye>n ) *eap s5tim5t4 ,& yet1 he said aft] a mom5t1 !re's some?+ "h 9 ?is bit ( copse t :isp]s to me beautiful secrets--! sun%9e among ! /ems1 ! ru/le ( leaves1 ! w&]+ breeze1 ! sc5t & coolness ( x all6 ,x is cramm$ ) beauty2 x is all try+ to live1 & glad to live4 ,y may say1 ( c\rse1 t y don't see all t 9 x1 & x is ,i t am abnormal4 ,b t doesn't expla9 x away4 ,! fact t ,i feel x is a bett] pro( t x is !re ?an ! fact t y don't feel x is a pro( t x isn't !re6 ,! only ?+ ab\t x t isn't beautiful to me is ! fact t life c't live except by tak+ life--t !re is no "r to live2 & t1 ,i admit1 is disconc]t+4 ,y may say to me1 ',y old bully1 cramm$ ) ! corpses ( %eep & potatoes1 :i* y hav5't ev5 _h ! hone/y to kill = y\rself1 y d>e to come "h1 & talk ?is /uff ab\t ! beauty ( x all1 & ! joy ( liv+4 ,if all ! bodies ( ! ?+s y h consum$ 9 y\r bloat$ life 7 pil$ toge!r1 x w\ld make a ?+ z big z a :ole r[ ( ricks6' ,if y say t1 ,i admit t y take ! s5tim5t out ( my sails6 ,b ,i don't say x1 said ,i3 ,:o dies if ,fa!r ,payne live8 ,he laugh$ at ?is1 & clapp$ me on ! back4 ,y're 9 ! same case z ,i1 old man1 he said1 only y hav5't got su* a pile ( blood & bones to y\r cr$it6 ,"h1 we mu/ /[ ?is talk1 or we %all become bo? humbugs & mat]iali/s4 ,x's a puzzl+ bus9ess1 talk+6 ,x leads y into "s v ugly places6 ,,lxi ,,( ,,booki%ness ,i w5t 9 to see ,fa!r ,payne "o morn+ ab\t "s "w4 ,he 0 read+ a book ) knitt$ br[s3 he look$ up1 gave a nod1 b no smile1 po9t$ to a *air1 & ,i sate d[n3 a m9ute or two lat] he %ut ! book--a neat en\gh little volume--) a snap1 & skimm$ x deftly f :]e he sate1 into 8 l>ge wa/e-pap] basket4 ,?is1 by ! way1 0 a curi\s little accompli%m5t ( 81--?r[+ ?+s ) un]r+ aim4 ,he c\ld skim m c>ds across a room into a hat ?an anyone ,i h ev] se5 :o 0 n a pr(ess$ /ud5t ( leg]dema94 ,:at are y do+8 ,i said--su* a nice little book6 ,i rose & rescu$ ! volume1 :i* 0 a c>eful en\gh edition ( "s poems & scraps ( poems1 po/hum\sly discov]$1 ( a well-kn[n poet4 ,pray accept x ) my k9de/ reg>ds1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,no1 ,i don't "k t ,i ought to give x y4 ,x is ! sort ( book ,i object to4 ,:y8 ,i said1 exam9+ x--x seems h>mless en\gh4 ,x's ! wrong sort ( lit]ature1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,!re isn't "t1 or !re ought n to be1 to g fumbl+ ab\t ) ^! old scraps4 ,!y ar5't good en\gh to publi%--& :at's m1 if ! man didn't publi% !m himself1 y may be sure he _h v good reasons = n do+ s4 ,! only int]e/ ( !m is t s good a poet c\ld write su* drivel1 & t he knew x 0 drivel suffici5tly well n to publi% x4 ,b ! man :o c edit x doesn't "k t1 & ! critics :o review x don't "k x ei!r--x 0 a respectful review t made me buy ! rubbi%--& z = ! p :o read x1 ,god alone kn[s :at !y ?9k ( x4 ,x's a case ( ',weave a circle r\nd him ?rice1 ,& close y\r eyes 9 holy dread4' ,y h to %ut y\r eyes pretty tight n to see :at bo% x all is--x is all ?is inf]nal rev]5ce paid by p1 :o h no indep5d5ce ( judgm5t1 to great reputations4 ,x rem9ds me ( ! b>b] :o us$ to cut ! ,duke ( ,well+ton's hair & nails1 :o made q a lot ( money by sell+ clipp+s to put 9 lockets6 ,b isn't x wor? :ile to see a great poet's inf]ior jott+s1 & to grasp h[ he work$8 said ,i4 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne2--at lea/ x w\ld be wor? :ile to see h[ he br\ght (f 8 good /rokes1 b x isn't wor? :ile see+ h[ he miss$ 8 /roke altoge!r4 ,?is deification bus9ess is all un:olesome4 ,9 art1 9 life1 9 religion1 9 lit]ature1 x's a mi/ake to wor%ip ! sa9ts--y don't make !m div9e1 y only confuse ?+s1 & br+ d[n ! div9e to y\r own level4 ,! tru?--! tru?--:y c't p see h[ spl5did x is1 & t x is "o's only *ance ( gett+ on6 ,to %ut y\r eyes to ! possibility ( ! great man hav+ a t\* ( ! commonplace1 a t\* ( ! ass1 ev5 a t\* ( ! knave 9 him1 doesn't ennoble y\r conception ( human nature4 ,if y c only glorify humanity by tell+ lies ab\t x1 & by rul+ out all ! flaws 9 x1 y end by be+ a s5tim5tali/4 ,see ?\ d x n 444 wor%ip ,god6 t's "o ( ! f9e/ ?+s 9 ! ,bible4 ,( c\rse x is magnific5t to see a /reak ( ! div9e turn+ up aga9 & aga9 9 human nature--b y h got to wa% ! dirt to f9d ! diamond4 ,believe 9 ! beauty beh9d & 9 & beyond u all--b don't wor%ip ! imp]fect ?+4 ,?is sort ( book is l sell+ ! dirt out ( :i* ! diamonds h be5 wa%$1 & :i* w\ld appe> to h ga9$ hol9ess by contact4 ,i hate to see p /opp+ %ort on ! symbol & ! illu/ration1 in/ead ( pass+ on to ! tru? beh9d--x's idolatry4 ,x's "o degree bett] ?an wor%ipp+ no?+2 b ! dang] ( idolatry is t y are cont5t to get no fur!r3 & t is :at makes idolatry s +5i\s a device ( ! devil1 t x p]suades p to /op /ill & n to get on4 ,b ar5't y mak+ too mu* out ( x8 ,i said4 ,at ! wor/1 ?is is a h>mless lit]>y blund]1 a fooli% bit ( h]o-wor%ip8 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 9 a s5se t is true1 t ^! little lit]>y huck/]s & p$l>s don't d any v great h>m--,i don't mean t !y cause mu* mis*ief3 b !y are ! symptom ( a grave disease4 ,x is ?is d----d booki%ness :i* is s unreal4 ,i w\ld l to say a ^w ab\t x to y1 if y h "t1 in/ead ( do+ our "w to-day--= if y w all[ me to say s1 my boy1 y h got a t\* ( x ab\t y--only a t\*--& ,i ?9k if ,i c %[ y :at ,i mean1 y c ?r[ x (f--,i h he>d y say r solemn ?+s ab\t books6 ,b ,i want y to get ?r\gh t4 ,x rem9ds me ( ! talk ( rituali/s4 ,i h a poor fri5d :o is a v h>mless sort ( p>son--b ,i h he>d him talk ( a bit ( c]emonial ) te>s 9 8 eyes4 ',x 0 exquisite1 exquisite1' he w say1--'! celebrant wore a cope--a bit1 ,i believe ( g5u9e pre-,re=mation "w--( c\rse rem\nt$--& ! ,gospell] & ,epi/oll] _h copes s p]fectly copi$ t x w\ld h be5 h>d to say :i* 0 ! real "o4 ,& !n ,fa!r ,wynne holds himself s nobly--su* a mixture ( humility & pride--a prie/ ought to exhibit bo?1 ,i ?9k1 at t mom5t8--& 8 ge/ures are s inevitable--s inevitable--t's ! only ^w3 !re's no s5se ( rehe>sal ab\t x3 x is j ! supreme act ( wor%ip express+ itself 9 utt] ab&onm5t'--,he w g on l t = an h\r if he c f9d a great en\gh goose to li/5 to him4 ,n[1 ,i don't mean to say t ! man hasn't a s5se ( beauty--he has ! real ritual in/9ct1 a p]fectly legitimate bran* ( art4 ,b he doesn't "k x's art--he ?9ks x is religion4 ,he ?9ks t ,god is preoccupi$ ) su* ?+s2 'a full *oral ,high ,mass1 at n9e o'clock1 t's a ?+ to live & die =1' ,i h he>d him say4 ,( c\rse x's a sort ( idealism1 b y mu/ "k :at y are ab\t1 & :at y are idealis+3 & y mu/n't ?9k t y\r k9d is bett] ?an any o!r k9d ( idealis+4 ,he made a pause1 & !n held out 8 h& = ! book4 ,n[ "h is ! same sort ( intemp]ate rapture1 he said4 ,look at ?is introduction6 ',x is 8 v self t 8 poems give1 & ! %>pe/ jeal\sy ( 8 "n & fame is enk9dl$ by !m4 ,n to f9d him !re1 8 passion1 endurance1 fai?1 rapture1 despair1 is m]ely a confession ( want 9 ourselves4' ,t's n sane1 y "k--x's ! intoxication ( ! ,corybant6 ,x isn't ! man himself we want to fix our eyes ^u4 ,he felt ^! ?+s1 no d\bt3 b we mu/n't wor%ip 8 raptures--we mu/ wor%ip :at he wor%ipp$4 ,?is sort ( besott$ agitation is little bett] ?an a danc+ d]vi%4 ,! poems are little sp>ks1 /ruck out f a scrap ( humanity by "s prodigi\s & glori\s =ce3 b we mu/ wor%ip ! =ce1 n ! sp>k3 ! sp>k is only an evid5ce1 a sy/em1 a symbol if y l1 ( ! =ce4 ,& !n see h[ utt]ly ! man has lo/ all s5se ( proportion--he has sp5t h\rs & days 9 id5tify+ ) uncommon pati5ce ! exact date ( ^! tepid scraps1 & he says he is cont5t to h laid a s+le /one 9 ! unam5d$1 unabridg$1 au!ntic temple ( 8 idol's fame4 ,t seems to me simply degrad+3 & !n ! port5t\s ass1 ^: review ,i read1 says t if ! editor _h done no?+ else1 he is sure ( an hon\r$ place = ev] 9 ! hi]>*y ( impeccable critics6 ,& :at is all ?is jabb] ab\t--a few rhymes :i* a man made :5 he 0 feel+ a little (f col\r1 & :i* he did n ?9k x wor? :ile to publi%6 ,y mu/n't get into ?is k9d ( a mess1 my boy4 ,! arti/ mu/n't indulge 9 emotion = ! sake ( ! emotion4 ',! weakness ( life1' says ?is pomp\s ass1 'is t x deviates f art6' ,y might j z well say t ! weakness ( food 0 t x deviat$ f a well-cook$ leg ( mutton6 ,art is j an attempt to dis5tangle some?+1 to get at "o ( ! big con/itu5ts ( life4 ,x helps y to see cle>ly1 n to confuse "o ?+ ) ano!r1 n to be vaguely impress$--! hide\s dang] ( booki%ness is t x is "o ( ! bl9d alleys into :i* p get4 ,^! two fell[s1 ! editor & 8 critic1 h got /uck !re3 !y c't see out3 !y ?9k _! little valley is ! end ( ! _w4 ,i expect !y are bo? ( !m v happy m51 z happy z a man :o goes to b$ com=tably drunk4 ,b1 good ,god1 ! awak5+6 ,fa!r ,payne relaps$ into a long sil5ce1 ) knitt$ br[s4 ,i tri$ to />t him afre%4 ,b y (t5 tell u to be s]i\s1 to be deadly e>ne/1 ab\t our "w8 ,i said4 ,oh yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t's ano!r matt]4 ,we h to "w h>d1 & put ! be/ ( ourselves into :at we d4 ,i don't want y to be an amiable dilettante4 ,b ,i also want y to see pa/ ev5 ! be/ art4 ,y mu/n't ?9k t ! /a9$-glass w9d[ is ! body ( heav5 9 its cle>ness4 ,! sort ( wor%ipp]s ,i object to are ! m5 :o %ut !mselves up 9 a *ur*1 & :at ) ! col\r & ! music & ! inc5se-smoke1 ?9k !y are 9 heav5 already4 ,x's an intoxication1 all t4 ,i don't get y m5 to come "h to make y drunk1 b to get y to loa! drunk5ness4 ,god--t's ! end ( x all6 ,god1 :o reveals ,himself 9 beauty & k9dness1 & tru/fulness1 & *>m & int]e/1 & 9 a hundr$ pure & f9e =ces--yet ea* ( !m are b av5ues :i* lead up to ,him1 ! /reets ( ! city1 full ( liv+ wat]4 ,b x is movem5t ,i am 9 se>* (--& ,i w\ld r be dr[n$ 9 ! dep? ( ! sea ?an mislead anyone1 or help him to sit /ill4 ,i h made an awful r[ ab\t x all1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 relaps+ into a mild] mood--,b y w =give me1 ,i "k4 ,i c't be> to see ^! wor?y m5 block+ ! way ) _! unassailable1 unabridg$1 au!ntic editions4 ,!y are l b>b$-wire entanglem5ts3 & ! wor/ ( x is t1 9 spite ( all _! holy air ( triumph1 !y enjoy few ?+s m ?an tripp+ ea* o!r up6 ,!y condemn ea* o!r to et]nal p]dition = misplac+ a date or misspell+ a "n4 ,x's l gett+ into a b$ ( nettles to get 9 among ^! little hi]ophants4 ,!y rem9d me ( ! bi%ops at "s anci5t ,*ur* ,c\ncil or o!r :o tore ! clo!s (f two "r rev]5d consultants1 & lit]ally pull$ !m limb f limb 9 ! "n ( ,*ri/4 ,t's ! end ( ^! holy raptures1 my boy6 ,!y un*a9 ! bea/ )94 ,,lxii ,,( ,,consi/5cy ,!re _h be5 a little vague talk ab\t politics1 & someone _h quot$ a def9ition ( a true ,lib]al z a man :o1 if he _h only to press a button 9 a d>k room to annihilate all cranks1 faddi/s1 political quacks1 extremi/s1 propag&i/s1 & no/rum-mong]s1 w\ld n dream ( do+ s1 z a matt] ( consci5ce1 on ! gr\nd t ev]yone has a "r to hold 8 own beliefs & to p]suade ! _w to accept !m if he c4 ,fa!r ,payne laugh$ at ?is2 b ,rose1 :o _h be5 nettl$1 ,i fancy1 at a lack ( def]5ce = 8 political exp]i5ce1 8 fa!r be+ a ,unioni/ ,m4,p41 said l\dly1 ,he>1 he>6 t's ! only sort ( ,lib]al :om ,i respect4 ,a look ( sudd5 ang] pass$ ov] ,fa!r ,payne's face--unmi/akable & uncompromis+ wra?4 ,come1 ,rose1 he said1 ?is isn't a political meet+2 & ev5 if x 71 :y proclaim y\rself z accept+ a def9ition :i* is almo/ )9 ! compreh5sion ( a *impanzee8 ,!re 0 a fa9t laugh at ?is1 b ev]yone _h an uncom=table s5se ( ?und] 9 ! air4 ,rose got r :ite1 & 8 no/rils exp&$4 ,i'm sorry ,i put x 9 t way1 he said r fro/ily1 if y object4 ,b ,i mean x1 ,i ?9k4 ,i don't l dilut$ ,lib]alism4 ,yes1 b y beg ! "q by call+ x dilut$1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,if anyone _h said t ! only ,tory he respect$ 0 a man :o if he c\ld press a button 9 a /ill d>k] room1 & by do+ s br+ x to pass t all in/itutions on ! face ( ! e>? w\ld rema9 immutably fix$ = ev] & ev]1 & w\ld feel himself b\nd consci5ti\sly to d x1 y w\ldn't accept t z a def9ition ( ,cons]vatism8 ,^! ?+s are n h>d & fa/ matt]s ( pr9ciple--!y are only t5d5cies4 ,toryism is an in/9ct to tru/ cu/om & au?ority1 ,lib]alism is an in/9ct to welcome developm5t & *ange4 ,all t ! def9ition ( ,lib]alism :i* 0 quot$ means is1 t ! ,lib]al has a deep respect = fre$om ( op9ion2 & all t my grotesque def9ition ( ,toryism means is t a ,tory pref]s to tru/ a fix$ tradition4 ,b1 ( c\rse1 bo? want a settl$ ,gov]nm5t1 & bo? h to recognise t ! _w & its conditions *ange4 ,! ,tory says1 ',look be=e y leap'2 ! ,lib]al says1 ',leap be=e y look4' ,b x is really all a matt] ( inf9ite gradations1 & :at diff]5tiates p is m]ely _! idea ( ! pace at :i* ?+s c g & ought to g4 ,:y %\ld y say t y c only respect a man :o wants to g at sixty miles an h\r1 any m ?an ,i %\ld say ,i c only respect a man :o wants to rema9 absolutely /ill8 ,rose _h by ?is "t recov]$ 8 temp]1 & said1 ,x 0 r crude1 ,i admit4 ,b :at ,i meant 0 t if a man feels t all op9ions are ( equal value1 he mu/ give full weight to all op9ions4 ,! doctr9aire ,lib]al seems to me to be j z mu* incl9$ to tyrannise z ! doctr9aire ,tory1 & to use 8 au?ority on ! side ( suppression :5 x is conv5i5t to d s1 & aga9/ all 8 own pr9ciples4 ,i don't ?9k t is q fair1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,y mu/ h a work+ sy/em2 y c't try ev]yone's exp]im5ts4 ,all t ! ,lib]al says is1 ',p]suade u if y c4' ,pure ,lib]alism w\ld be an>*y1 j z pure ,toryism w\ld be tyranny4 ,bo? are intol]able4 ,b j z ! ,lib]al has to compromise & say1 ',?is may n be ! ultimate !ory ( ! ,gov]nm5t1 b mean:ile ! _w has to be gov]n$1' s ! ,tory has to compromise1 if a l>ge majority ( ! p say1 ',we w n be gov]n$ by a m9ority = _! int]e/2 we w be gov]n$ = our own4' ,! p>liam5t>y vote is j a way ( avoid+ civil w>2 y c't always resort to =ce1 s y resort to arbitration4 ,b :y ! ,lib]al position is on ! :ole ! /rong] is because x says frankly1 ',if y ,tories c p]suade ! nation to ask y to gov]n x1 we w obey y4' ,! weakness ( ! ,tory position is t x has to make exactly ! same concessions1 :ile x claims to be inspir$ by a div9e sort ( k z to :at is j & "r4 ,i p]sonally mi/ru/ all intuitions :i* lead to tyranny4 ,( c\rse1 ! weakness ( ! :ole affair is t ! man :o believes 9 democracy has to assume t all h equal rights2 t w\ld be fair en\gh if all p 7 born equal 9 "* & ability1 & influ5ce & weal?4 ,b t isn't ! case2 & s ! ,lib]al says1 ',democracy is a bad sy/em p]haps1 b x is ! only sy/em1' & x is fair] to ma9ta9 t ev]yone :o gets into ! _w has z good a "r z anyone else to be !re1 ?an x is to say1 ',"s p h a "r to manage ! _w & "s h only a duty to obey4' ,bo? repres5t a side ( ! tru?1 b nei!r repres5ts ! :ole tru?4 ,at wor/ ,lib]alism is a comb9ation ( ! weak aga9/ ! /rong1 & ,toryism a comb9ation ( ! /rong aga9/ ! weak6 ,i p]sonally wi% ! weak to h a *ance2 b :at we all really desire is to be gov]n$ by ! wise & good1 & my hope = ! _w is t ! quality ( x is improv+4 ,i want ! weak to become s5sible & self-re/ra9$1 & ! /rong to become unselfi% & dis9t]e/$4 ,x is g5]osity t ,i want to see increase--x is ! f9e/ ( all qualities--! desire1 ,i mean to s]ve o!rs1 to admire1 to sympa?ise1 to %>e1 to rejoice1 9 o!r p's happ9ess4 ,t w\ld solve all our difficulties4 ,yes1 ( c\rse1 said ,rose4 ,b ,i w\ld l to g back aga91 & say t :at ,i 0 prais+ 0 consi/5cy4 ,b !re is no su* ?+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 except 9 comb9ation ) entire irrationality4 ,"o c't say at any "t ( "o's life1 ',i "k ev]y?+ wor? kn[+4 ,i am 9 a position to =m a f9al judgm5t4' ,y c say1 ',i w %ut (f all fre% light f my m9d1 & ,i w consid] no fur!r evid5ce1' b t isn't a ?+ to respect6 ,i beg9 to suspect1 ,rose1 t :y y prais$ ! uncompromis+ ,lib]al1 z y call him1 is because he is ! only k9d ( oppon5t :o isn't dang]\s4 ,a man :o takes up su* a position z ,i h describ$ is practically insane4 ,he has a fix$ idea1 :i* nei!r argum5t nor evid5ce c alt]4 ,! uncompromis+ man ( fix$ op9ions1 :atev] ^? op9ions may be1 is almo/ ! only man ,i d n respect1 because he is really ! only inconsi/5t p]son4 ,he says1 ',i h =m$ an op9ion :i* is bas$ on exp]i5ce1 & ,i %all n alt] x4' ,t is tantam\nt to say+ t y h done ) exp]i5ce2 x is a claim to h atta9$ infallibility ?r\gh fallible faculties4 ,:]e is ! dignity ( t8 ,x's j a deification ( /upidity & /ubbornness & insol5ce & complac5cy4 ,b y mu/ take y\r /& on "s c]ta9ties1 said ,rose4 ,! few] ! bett]1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,"o may le>n to discrim9ate betwe5 ?+s1 & to obs]ve diff]5ces2 b t is v diff]5t f say+ t y h got at ! ultimate ess5ce ( any "o ?+4 ,i am all = cle>ness--we ought n to confuse ?+s ) ea* o!r1 or use ! same names = diff]5t ?+s2 b ,i'm all aga9/ claim+ absolute & impeccable k4 ,x may be a com=table sy/em = a man :o doesn't want to be bo!r$2 b he is only def]r+ ! bo!r--he is l a man :o /ays 9 b$ because he doesn't l dress+4 ,b x isn't a solution to /ay 9 b$--x is only susp5d+ ! solution4 ,no1 we mu/n't h any reg>d = human consi/5cy--x's a v paltry attribute2 x's ! opposite ( an?ropomorphism4 ,t makes out ,god to be 9 ! image ( man1 b consi/5cy claims = man ! privilege ( ,god4 ,& t isn't :olesome1 y "k1 ei!r = a man or 8 fri5ds6 ,i give up1 said ,rose3 c no?+ be logical8 ,h>dly any?+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 except logic itself4 ,y h to co9 logical ideas into c\nt]s to play )4 ,no two ?+s1 = in/ance1 c ev] be absolutely equal1 except imag9>y equalities--& t's ! mis*ief ( logic appli$ to life1 t x presumes an exact valuation ( ! ideas x works )1 :5 no two p's valuations ( ! same idea are id5tical1 & ev5 "o p]son's valuation v>ies f "t to "t2 & logic bre$s a phantom sort ( consi/5cy :i* only exi/s 9 ! imag9ation4 ,y "k ! /ory ( h[ ,smi? & ,jones 7 argu+1 & ,smi? said1 ',br[n w agree ) me'3 ',yes1' said ,jones triumphantly1 'he w1 b = my reasons6' ,,lxiii ,,( ,,wr5s ,,& ,,lilies ,x 0 ! fir/ w>m & sunny day1 aft] a cold & cl\dy spr+3 ,i took a long & leisurely walk ) ,fa!r ,payne d[n a valley among woods1 ( :i* ,fa!r ,payne 0 v fond4 ,almo/ precipit\s = ,nor?ampton%ire1 eh8 he us$ to say4 ,i 0 v full ( a book ,i _h be5 read+1 b ,i c\ld n get him to talk4 ,he made vague & fooli% replies1 & said sev]al times1 ,i %all h to ?9k t ov]1 y "k1 :i* 01 ,i well knew1 a polite intimation t he 0 n 9 a mood = talk4 ,b ,i p]si/$1 & at la/ he said1 ,hang x1 y "k1 ,i'm n att5d+--,i'm v sorry--x isn't y\r fault--b !re's su* a lot go+ on ev]y:]e4 ,he quot$ a v]se ( ,! ,%rop%ire ,lad1 ( :i* he 0 v fond3 ',n[1 ( my ?reescore ye>s & t51 ,tw5ty w n come aga91 ,& take f sev5ty spr+s a score1 ,x only leaves me fifty m'2 add+1 ,t's ! only in/ance ,i "k ( a subtraction sum made into p]fect poetry--b x's ! o!r way r\nd1 worse luck6 ,& add to sev5ty spr+s a score1 ,t only leaves me =ty m6 ,! birds 7 s++ v sweetly 9 ! copses z we pass$--,t isn't art1 ,i believe1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x's only ! reproductive in/9ct1 ,i am told6 ,i wi% x took su* an arti/ic =m 9 my belov$ bro!rs 9 ! ,"l6 ,!re1 he add$1 /opp+ & speak+ 9 a l[ tone2 don't move--!re's a cock-wr5 s++ 8 love-song--y c see 8 w+s quiv]+4 ,!re foll[$ a little tremolo1 ) f\r or five emphatic notes = a f9i%4 ,n[1 if y li/51 y'll he> ! next wr5 answ] him6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,9 a mom5t ! same little song came l an e*o f a bu% a few y>ds away4 ,! wr5 s+s 9 /rict] "t ?an any bird b ! cuckoo1 said ,fa!r ,payne--f\r quav]s to a b>4 ,t's v important6 ,^? two ridicul\s creatures w g on do+ t half ! morn+4 ,!y are s excit$ t !y build %am ne/s1 y "k1 ab\t n[--q useless piles ( twigs & moss1 n int5d$ = eggs1 j to %[ :at !y c d4 ,b t little song6 ,x has all ! passion ( ! old *ivalry 9 x--x is only to say1 ',my ,dulc9ea is pretti]1 sweet]1 bright]-ey$ ?an y\rs6' & ! o!r says1 ',y wait till ,i c get at y1 & !n we w see6' ,if !y 7 two old knights1 !y w\ld fight to ! dea? ov] x1 till ! _w _h lo/ a brave man1 & "o ( ! ,dulc9eas 0 a hapless wid[1 & no?+ prov$4 ,t's ! sort ( ?+ t m5 admire1 full ( f9e s5tim5t4 ,:y c't we leave ea* o!r alone8 ,:y does lov+ "o p]son make y want to fight ano!r8 ,j look at t wr53 he's z full ( joy & pride z he c hold3 look at ! angle at :i* he holds 8 tail3 he feels ! "l ( ! _w1 sure en\gh6 ,we walk$ on1 & ,i ask$ no m que/ions4 ,!re's a bit ( col\r1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 po9t+ to a b>e wood1 all c>pet$ ) gre5 blades4 ,t's pure em]ald1 l ! sev5? f\ndation ( ! city4 ,n[1 if ,i ask y1 :o are a bit ( a poet1 :at ^? leaves are1 :at d y say8 ,y say hyac9? or daffodil1 or p]haps lily-(-!-valley4 ,b :at does ! simple botani/--t's me--say8 ,g>lic1 my boy1 & no?+ else6 & y _h bett] n walk mus+ !re1 or y w come 9 smell+ ( spr+ onions1 l a gre5groc]'s %op4 ,s mu* = poetry6 ,x's ! lovelie/ gre5 9 creation1 & x has a pretty fl[] too--b x's nev] once m5tion$ 9 ,engli% poetry1 s f> z ,i "k4 ,& yet ,keats _h ! face to say t ,beauty 0 ,tru? & ,tru? ,beauty6 ,t's ! way we play ! game4 ,we rambl$ on1 & pass$ a pleasant old /one-built cottage 9 ! wood1 ) a t9y g>d54 ,x's a curi\s ?+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b 9 ! spr+ ,i always want to live 9 all ! h\ses ,i see4 ,x's ! ne/+ in/9ct1 no d\bt4 ,i ?9k ,i c\ld be v happy "h1 = in/ance--mu* happi] ?an 9 my absurd big h\se1 ) all y fell[s ab\t4 ,:y did ,i ev] />t x8 ,i ought to h _h m s5se4 ,i want a cottage l ?is1 & a little g>d5 to "w 91 & a few books4 ,i w\ld live on bread & cold bacon & *eese & cabbages1 ) a hive ( my own honey4 ,i %\ld get wise & sil5t1 & n run on l ?is4 ,a dog came out ( ! cottage g>d51 & foll[$ u a little way4 ,d we belong to y\r p>ty1 sir1 or d y belong to ours8 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,! dog put 8 head on "o side1 & wagg$ 8 tail4 ,x appe>s ,i h ! pleasure ( y\r acqua9tance6 said ,fa!r ,payne to him4 ,v well1 y c set u on our way if y l6 ,! dog gave a %ort %rill b>k1 & trott$ along ) u4 ,:5 we got to ! end ( ! lane1 :]e x turn$ into ! high road1 ,fa!r ,payne said to ! dog1 ,n[1 sir1 ,i expect t's all ! "t y c sp>e ?is morn+8 ,y mu/ g back & gu>d ! h\se1 & be a fai?ful dog4 ,duty fir/6 ,! dog look$ m\rnfully at u1 & wagg$ 8 tail1 b did n attempt to come f>!r4 ,he wat*$ u = a little long]1 b z we did n invite him to come on1 he pres5tly turn$ r\nd & trott$ (f home4 ,n[1 t's ! sort ( case :]e ,i feel s5tim5tal1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x's ! %am sort ( pa?os4 ,i hate to see anyone disappo9t$4 ,a p]son (f]+ fl[]s 9 ! /reet = sale1 & p n buy+ !m--! m5 9 ,london %[+ (f little toys by ! pavem5t1 :i* nobody wants--,i c't be> t4 ,x makes me feel absurdly wret*$ to see anyone hop+ to please1 & n pleas+4 ,& if ! p :o d x look old & frail & unhappy1 ,i'm capable ( buy+ ! :ole /ock4 ,! great uncom=t$6 ,x's silly1 ( c\rse1 & !re is no?+ 9 ! _w s silly z useless emotion6 ,x is s easy to ov]fl[ ) *eap b5evol5ce1 b ! fir/ /ep t[>ds ! joyful wisdom is to be afraid ( ! emotion t co/s y no?+3 b we won't be metaphysical to-day6 ,pres5tly ,fa!r ,payne insi/$ on sitt+ d[n 9 a %elt]$ place4 ,he flung 8 hat (f1 & sate !re1 look+ r\nd him ) a smile1 8 arms clasp$ r\nd 8 big knees4 ,well1 he said1 x's a jolly place1 ! old _w1 to be sure6 ,pl5ty ( na/y & ugly ?+s1 ,i suppose1 go+ on 9 corn]s2 b if y look r\nd1 !y are only a small p]c5tage ( ! happy ?+s4 ,!y don't =ce !mselves ^u ! eye & e>1 ! bea/ly ?+s3 & x's a /upid & fai?less mi/ake to fix ! imag9ation & ! reason too mu* ^u !m4 ,we are all ( u 9 a tight place occasionally1 & we h to meet x z be/ we c4 ,b ,i don't ?9k we d x any bett] by anticipat+ x be=eh&4 ,:at is m1 no "o c really help u or deliv] u3 we c be made a little m com=table1 & t's all1 by :at !y call cool+ dr9ks1 & fl[]s 9 a vase by ! b$side4 ,& x's a bad ?+ to get ! mis]y ( ! _w 9 a vague way on our n]ves4 ,t's ! useless emotion4 ,we h got c]ta9 q def9ite ?+s to d = o!r p 9 our own circle1 & we are b\nd to d !m2 we mu/n't %irk !m1 & we mu/n't %irk our own tr\bles1 ?\gh ! less we bo!r ab\t !m ! bett]4 ,i am n at all sure t ! curse ( ! newspap]s is n t !y collect all ! evils ( ! _w into a hide\s posy1 & ?ru/ x "u our nose4 ,!y don't collect ! f9e1 simple1 :olesome ?+s4 ,n[ y & ,i are bett] employ$ to-day 9 be+ agreeable to ea* o!r--at lea/ y are be+ k9d to me1 ev5 ?\gh ,i c't talk ab\t t book--& 9 look+ at ! delightful ?+s go+ on ev]y:]e--j ?9k ( all ! happ9ess 9 ! _w to-day1 symbolis$ by t ridicul\s wr56--we are bett] employ$1 ,i say1 ?an if we 7 ext5d+ ! comm]ce ( ,engl&1 or plann+ h[ to make w>1 or scold+ p 9 s]mons ab\t _! fatal indiff]5ce to ! ?+s t belong to _! peace4 ,m5 & wom5 mu/ f9d & make _! own peace1 & we are do+ bo? to-day4 ,t awful vague s5se ( responsibility1 t desire to int]f]e1 t wi% t ev]yone else %\ld d uncompla9+ :at we ?9k to be _! duty--t's all my eye6 ,x is ! k9dly1 eag]1 :olesome life :i* affects ! _w1 :]ev] x is liv$3 & t is ! be/ :i* mo/ ( u c d4 ,we c't be always fight+4 ,ev5 ! t\ghe/ old vet]an soldi]--h[ _m h\rs ( 8 life has he sp5t actually "u fire8 ,no1 ,i'm n =gett+ ! work]s ei!r3 b y ne$ n tell me t !y are all sick at he>t because !y are n dawdl+ 9 a c\ntry lane4 ,x w\ld bore !m to dea?1 & !y c live a v happy life )\t x4 ,t's ! false pa?os aga9--to ?9k t ev]yone :o c't d z we l mu/ be mis]able4 ,& anyh[1 ,i h done my tw5ty-five ye>s on ! treadmill1 & ,i am n go+ to pret5d x 0 noble "w1 because x wasn't4 ,x 0 useless & disgraceful drudg]y1 mo/ ( x6 ,ah1 ,i said1 b t doesn't help me4 ,y may h e>n$ a holiday1 b ,i h nev] done any real drudg]y--,i hav5't e>n$ any?+4 ,be cont5t1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 take two *anges ( raim5t6 ,y h got y\r furr[ to pl\gh--all 9 good "t6 ,y are work+ h>d n[1 & don't let me he> any /uff ab\t be+ a%am$ because y enjoy x6 ,! rew>d ( lab\r is life3 to enjoy our "w is ! secret4 ,if y c\ld p]suade p t ! spr+ ( life lies !re1 y w\ld d m = ! happ9ess ( man ?an by att5d+ fifty ?\s& committees4 ,b ,i won't talk any m4 ,i want to consid] ! lilies ( ! field1 h[ !y gr[4 ,!y don't d x e day6 ,,lxiv ,,( ,,pose ,someone said ra%ly1 aft] d9n] to-night1 t ! "o dete/able & unp>donable ?+ 9 a man 0 pose4 ,a g5]alisation ( ?is k9d act$ on ,fa!r ,payne v (t5 l a f]ret on a rabbit4 ,he _h be5 m\rnfully ab/ract$ dur+ d9n]1 %ak+ 8 head sl[ly1 & turn+ 8 eyes to heav5 :5 he 0 ask$ lead+ que/ions4 ,b n[ he said3 ,i don't ?9k t is reasonable--y might z well say t y always dislik$ l5g? 9 a book4 ,a book has got to be "s l5g?--x is z %ort z x's long4 ,( c\rse1 ! mom5t y beg9 to say1 ',h[ long ?is book is6' y mean t x is too long1 & excess is a fault4 ,d y rememb] ! subject propos$ 9 a s*ool debat+ society1 ',t too mu* a?letics is wor?y ( our admiration'8 ,pose is l t--:5 y become consci\s ( pose x is g5]ally disagreeable--t is1 if x is meant to deceive3 b x is (t5 amus+ too1 l ! pose ( ! unju/ judge 9 ! p>able1 :o prefaces 8 rem>ks by say+1 ',?\gh ,i fe> n ,god1 nei!r reg>d man4' ,oh1 b y "k :at ,i mean1 ,fa!r1 said ! speak]1 ! pose ( kn[+ :5 y don't "k1 & be+ well-br$ :5 y are snobbi%1 & be+ k9d :5 y are mean1 & s on4 ,i ?9k y mean humbug r ?an pose1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b ev5 s1 ,i don't agree ) y4 ,i h a fri5d :o w\ld be intol]able1 b = 8 pose ( be+ agreeable4 ,he isn't agreeable1 & he doesn't feel agreeable2 b he behaves z if he 01 & x is ! only ?+ t makes him be>able4 ,:at y really mean is ! pose ( sup]iority--! man ^: motives are always j ahead ( y\r own1 & ^: ta/e is always slightly f9]1 & :o kn[s ! _w a little bett]4 ,b !re is a lot ( pose t isn't t4 ,:at is pose1 aft] all8 ,c anyone def9e x8 ,x's an arti/'s phrase1 ,i ?9k1 said ,b>?rop2 x means a position 9 :i* y look y\r be/4 ,l ! ,ar*bi%op :o 0 always pa9t$ 9 a gibb\s attitude--fir/ qu>t]1 y "k--) 8 back turn$ to y1 & 8 face j visible ov] 8 lawn sleeve1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b t 0 9 ord] to hide an excresc5ce on 8 left *eek4 ,d y rememb] :at ,lamb said ( ,b>ry ,cornwall's w5 on ! nape ( 8 neck8 ,"s "o said t ,b>ry ,cornwall 0 ?9k+ ( hav+ x cut (f4 ',i hope he won't d t1' said ,lamb1 ',i r l x--x's r$undant1 l 8 poetry6' ,i r agree ) ,lamb4 ,i l p to be a little r$undant1 & a h>mless pose is pure r$undancy3 x only means t a man is up to "s innoc5t game or o!r1 "s sort ( my/ification1 & is enjoy+ himself4 ,x's l a summ] haze ov] ! l&scape4 ,n[1 !re's ano!r fri5d ( m9e :o 0 once complim5t$ on 8 'uplift$' look4 ,:5ev] he ?9ks ( x1 & t's pretty (t51 he looks uplift$1 l a bird dr9k+1 ) 8 eyes fix$ on "s f>-(f vision4 ,i don't m9d t6 ,x's only a wi% to look 8 be/4 ,x's p>tly a wi% to give pleasure1 y "k4 ,x's ! same ?+ t makes p we> _! hair long1 or dress 9 a flamboyant way4 ,i'll tell y a little /ory4 ,y "k ,b]tie ,na%1 ! arti/4 ,i met him once 9 a ,po/ ,(fice1 & he 0 buy+ a %eet ( halfp5ny /amps4 ,i ask$ him if he 0 go+ to s5d out "s circul>s4 ,he look$ at me sadly1 & said1 ',no1 ,i always use ^!--,i c't use ! p5ny /amps--su* a crude r$6' ,n[1 he didn't d t to impress me3 b x 0 a pose 9 a way1 & he lik$ feel+ s s5sitive to col\r4 ,b oughtn't "o to avoid all t sort ( nons5se8 said "s "o2 x's bett] surely to be j :at y are4 ,yes1 b :at are y1 aft] all8 said ,fa!r ,payne2 y\r moods v>y4 ,x w\ld be hopeless if ev]yone tri$ to keep !mselves d[n to _! wor/ level = ! sake ( s9c]ity4 ,! po9t is t y ought to try to keep at y\r be/ level1 ev5 if y don't feel s4 ,hang x1 good mann]s are a pose1 if x comes to t4 ,! ess5ce ( good mann]s is sometimes to conceal :at y are feel+4 ,is x a pose to behave amiably :5 y are tir$ or cross8 ,no1 b t is 9 ord] n to make o!r p uncom=table1 said ,v9c5t4 ,well1 x's v h>d to draw ! l9e1 said ,fa!r ,payne3 b :at we really mean by pose is1 ,i imag9e1 ! attempt to appe> to be some?+ :i* y frankly are n--& t is :]e ! ^w has *ang$ its s5se1 ,b>?rop4 ,an arti/'s pose is some?+ *>act]i/ic1 :i* makes a man look 8 be/4 ,:at we g5]ally mean by pose is ! affect+ a be/ :i* "o nev] rea*es4 ,come1 tell a /ory1 "s "o6 ,t's ! be/ way to get at a quality4 ,won't "s "o quote an illu/ration8 ,:at ab\t my fri5d ,pe>ce1 ! s*oolma/]8 said ,v9c5t4 ,he read a book ab\t s*oolma/]+1 & he said he didn't ?9k mu* ( x4 ,he add$ t ! au?or seem$ only to be giv+ elegant reasons = do+ ?+s :i* ! born s*oolma/] did by in/9ct4 ,well1 t's n a bad criticism1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b x 0 pose if he meant to convey t he 0 a born s*oolma/]4 ,is he "o1 by ! way8 ,no1 said ,v9c5t1 he is n3 he is mu* ragg$ by ! boys2 b he com=ts himself by ?9k+ t all s*oolma/]s are ragg$1 b t he is r m successful ?an mo/ 9 deal+ ) x4 ,he has a great deal ( moral dignity1 has ,pe>ce6 ,i don't "k :]e he w\ld be )\t x6 ,well1 !re's an in/ance1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ( a pose be+ ( "s use4 ,i ?9k a real g5u9e pose (t5 makes a man d bett] "w 9 ! _w ?an if he 0 dre>ily consci\s ( failure4 ,x's a game1 y "k--a dramatic game3 & ,i ?9k x's a sign ( vitality & int]e/ to want to h a game4 ,x's l ! lawy]'s cl]k 9 ,our ,mutual ,fri5d1 :5 ,mr4 ,b(f9 calls to keep an appo9tm5t1 be+ ! lawy]'s only cli5t2 b ! boy makes a %[ ( look+ x all up 9 a l$g]1 runs 8 f+] d[n a li/ ( imag9>y consultants1 & says to himself1 ',mr4 ,aggs1 ,mr4 ,baggs1 ,mr4 ,caggs1 ,mr4 ,daggs1 ,mr4 ,b(f9--,yes1 sir1 t is "r6' ,n[ !re's no h>m 9 t sort ( ?+--x's only a bit ( moral dignity1 z ,v9c5t says4 ,x's no good acquiesc+ 9 be+ a humble av]age p]son--we mu/ d bett] ?an t6 ,mo/ p believe 9 !mselves 9 spite ( abundant evid5ce to ! contr>y--b x's bett] ?an disbeliev+ 9 y\rself4 ,t's abject1 y "k4 ,b if y accept ! pr9ciple ( pose1 said ,le/range1 ,i don't see t y c f9d fault ) any pose4 ,y might z well say1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t if ,i accept ! pr9ciple ( dr9k+ alcohol1 x doesn't matt] h[ mu* ,i dr9k6 ,almo/ all morality is relative--9 fact1 x is d\btful if x is ev] absolute4 ,! mis*ief ( pose is n :5 x makes a man try to be or to appe> at 8 be/3 b :5 a man lives a ?or\ghly unreal life1 tak+ a high l9e 9 !ory & nev] tr\bl+ ab\t practice1 !n x's incr$ible to :at l5g?s self-deception c g4 ,dr4 ,johnson said t he look$ ^u himself z a polite man6 ,x is q easy to get to believe y\rself impeccable 9 c]ta9 po9ts3 & z "o gets old]1 & less assailable1 & less liable to be pull$ up & told ! h>d tru?1 x is a/oni%+ h[ s]5ely y c sail along4 ,b t isn't pose exactly4 ,x g5]ally beg9s by a pose1 & becomes simple imp]vi\sness2 & t is1 aft] all1 ! dang] ( pose1--t x makes p bl9d to ! tru? ab\t !mselves4 ,i'm gett+ muddl$1 said ,v9c5t4 ,x is r muddl+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b1 9 a g5]al way1 ! po9t is ?is4 ,:5 pose is a delib]ate attempt to deceive o!r p = y\r own cr$it1 x is dete/able4 ,b :5 x is m]ely h>mless drama1 to add to ! int]e/ ( life & to reta9 y\r own self-respect1 x's an amiable foible1 & ne$ n be disc\rag$4 ,! real "q is :e!r x is assum$ s]i\sly1 or :e!r x is all a sort ( joke4 ,we all l to play our little games1 & ,i f9d x v easy to =give a p]son :o enjoys dress+ up1 s to speak1 & mak+ rem>ks 9 "*4 ,come1 ,i'll confess my s9s 9 public4 ,if ,i meet a /rang] 9 ! roads1 ,i r l to be ?\ght a bluff & he>ty ,engli% squire1 /rid+ ab\t my broad acres4 ,i pref] t to be+ ?\ght a retir$ cramm]1 a dom9ie :o keeps a s*ool & calls x an academy1 z ,"l ,au*9leck said ( ,johnson4 ,b if ,i pret5d$ 9 ?is h\se to be a k9d ( abbot1 & glid$ ab\t 9 a cassock ) a gold cross r\nd my neck1 conf]r+ a b5$iction on ev]yone1 & !n retir$ to my room to read a ,fr5* novel & to dr9k :isky-&-soda1 t w\ld be a v unpleasant pose inde$6 ,we all implor$ ,fa!r ,payne to adopt x1 & he said he w\ld give x 8 s]i\s consid]ation4 ,,lxv ,,( ,,rev5ants ,i 0 sitt+ 9 ! g>d5 "o ev5+ 9 summ] ) ,fa!r ,payne & ,b>?rop4 ,b>?rop 0 go+ (f next day to ,ox=d1 & 0 try+ to p]suade ,fa!r ,payne to come too4 ,no1 he said1 ,i simply c\ldn't6 ,ox=d is ! city ea/ ( ! sun & we/ ( ! moon--l z a dream :5 "o awake?6 ,i don't hold ) indulg+ fruitless s5tim5t1 p>ticul>ly ab\t ! pa/4 ,b isn't x r a pity8 said ,b>?rop4 ,aft] all1 mo/ emotions are useless1 if y come to t6 ,:y %\ld y cut y\rself (f f a place y are s fond (1 & :i* is q ! mo/ beautiful place 9 ,engl& too8 ,isn't x r--well1--weak8 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x's weak1 no d\bt6 ,t is to say1 if ,i 7 diff]5tly made1 m h>d-he>t$1 m sure ( myself1 ,i %\ld g1 & ,i %\ld enjoy myself1 & moon ab\t1 & bore y to dea? ) old /ories ab\t ! *imes at midnight--ev]ybody w\ld be a de> old boy or a good old s\l1 & ,i %\ld h& out tips1 & get p]fectly maudl9 9 ! ev5+s ov] a glass ( cl>et4 ,t's ! normal ?+1 no d\bt--t's :at a noble-m9d$ man 9 a novel ( ,?ack]ay's w\ld d6 ,well1 said ,b>?rop1 y "k be/--b ,i expect t if y did take ! plunge & g !re1 y w\ld f9d y\rself q at ease4 ,i might1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 b !n ,i also might n--& ,i pref] n to risk x4 ,y see1 x w\ld be m]ely wall[+ 9 s5tim5t--& ,i don't approve ( s5tim5t4 ,i want my emotions to live )1 n to ba! 96 ,b y don't m9d go+ back to ,london1 said ,b>?rop4 ,no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b t bucks me up4 ,i 0 inf]nally unhappy 9 ,london1 & x puts me 9 a ?or\ghly s5sible & *e]ful mood to g & look at ! outside ( my old lodg+s1 & ! place :]e ,i us$ to tea*1 & to say to myself1 ',?ank ,god1 t's all ov]6' ,!n ,i g on my way rejoic+1 & make no end ( plans4 ,b if ,i w5t to ,ox=d1 ,i %\ld j rememb] h[ happy & "y ,i 02 & ,i might ev5 commit ! folly ( regrett+ ! lapse ( "t1 & ( wi%+ ,i c\ld h x back aga94 ,i don't ?9k x is :olesome to d any?+ :i* makes "o discont5t$1 or any?+ :i* =ces "o to dwell on :at "o has lo/4 ,t doesn't matt]4 ,no?+ really is ev] lo/1 & x only takes ! />* out ( "o to ?9k ab\t x f t angle4 ,i don't believe 9 ! pa/4 ,x seems unalt]able1 & ,i suppose 9 a s5se x is s4 ,b if y beg9 to dwell on unalt]able ?+s1 y become a fatali/1 & ,i'm always try+ to get away f t4 ,! po9t is t no "o is unalt]able1 &1 ?ank ,god1 we are always alt]+4 ,to pott] ab\t 9 ! pa/ is l grubb+ 9 an a%-heap1 & %$d+ te>s ov] brok5 bits ( *9a4 ,! plate1 or :atev] x is1 0 pretty en\gh1 & x _h its place & its use2 & :5 ! /uff ( :i* x is made is want$ aga91 x w be us$ aga94 ,x is simply fatu\s to wa/e "t ov] ! brok5 pieces ( old dreams & visions2 & ,i mean to use my emotions & my imag9ation to see new dreams & f9] visions4 ,p]haps ! "t w come :5 ,i c dream no m--! bra9 gets tir$ & languid1 no d\bt4 ,b ev5 !n ,i %all try to be int]e/$ 9 :at is go+ on4 ,i see y\r po9t1 said ,b>?rop2 b1 = ! life ( me1 ,i c't see :y ! old place %\ld n take its "p 9 ! new visions6 ,:5 ,i g d[n to ,ox=d ,i don't regret x4 ,i g gratefully & happily ab\t1 & ,i l to see ! "y m5 z jolly z ,i 01 & z unaw>e :at a good "t !y are hav+4 ,an old pal ( m9e is a ,don1 & he puts me up 9 ,college1 & x amuses me to g into ,hall1 & to see "s ( ! "y lions at close qu>t]s4 ,x's all pure & simple refre%m5t4 ,i've no d\bt ( x1 old man1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 & x's an excell5t ?+ = y to g1 & to draw fre% life f ! anci5t e>?1 l ,antaeus4 ,b ,i'm n made t way4 ,i'm n loyal--t is to say1 ,i am n fai?ful to ?+s simply because ,i once admir$ & lov$ !m4 ,if y are loyal 9 ! "r way1 z y are1 x's diff]5t4 ,b ^! old atta*m5ts are a k9d ( idolatry to me--a false wor%ip4 ,i'm naturally full ( unreasonable devotion to ! old & beautiful ?+s2 b !y get r\nd my neck l a mill-/one1 & x is all s mu* m weight t ,i h to c>ry4 ,i sometimes g to see an old c\s9 ( m9e1 a wid[ 9 ! c\ntry1 :o lives entirely 9 ! pa/1 nev] all[s any?+ to be *ang$ 9 ! h\se1 nev] talks ab\t anyone :o isn't dead or ill4 ,! woman's life is simply buri$ "u old memories1 m\nta9s ( old *9a1 family plate1 receipts = jam & m>malade--ev]y?+ has got to be done z x 0 9 ! beg9n+4 ,n[ mo/ ( h] fri5ds ?9k t v beautiful & t5d]1 & talk ( ! old-_w atmosph]e ( ! place2 b ,i ?9k x simply a /uffy wa/e ( "t4 ,i don't tell h] s--,god =bid6 ,b ,i feel t %e is loll+ 9 an arb\r by ! roadside in/ead ( gett+ on4 ,x's innoc5t en\gh1 b x does n seem to me beautiful4 ,b ,i /ill don't see :y y give way to ! feel+1 said ,b>?rop4 ,i'm sure t if ,i felt z y d ab\t ,ox=d1 or any o!r place1 y w\ld tell me x 0 my duty to conqu] x4 ,v likely6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b doctors don't feel b\nd to take _! own prescriptions6 ,ev]yone mu/ decide = himself1 & ,i "k t ,i %\ld fall "u ! luxuri\s en*antm5t4 ,i %\ld g into *eap raptures1 ,i %\ld talk ab\t '! t5d] grace ( a day t is dead'--x's no use putt+ y\r head 9 a noose to see :at be+ /rangl$ feels l4 ,b d y apply t to ev]y?+1 ,i said1 old fri5d%ips1 old affections1 old memories8 ,!y seem to me beautiful1 & h>mlessly beautiful4 ,well1 if y c use !m up q fre%ly1 & make a poetical di% out ( !m1 = pres5t consumption1 ,i don't m9d1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b t isn't my way--,i'm n robu/ en\gh4 ,x's all ,i c d to take ?+s 9 z !y come along4 ,( c\rse an old memory sometimes goes ?r\gh "o l a sword1 b ,i pull x out z quick z ,i c1 & ca/ x away4 ,i am n go+ to dance ) ,dea? if ,i c help x6 ,i h got my job cut out = me1 & ,i am n go+ to be hamp]$ by old rubbi%4 ,m9d y1 ,i don't say t x 0 rubbi% at ! "t2 b ,i h no use = any?+ t ,i c't use4 ,s5tim5t seems to me l lett+ valuable /eam (f4 ,! p ,i h lov$ are all !re /ill1 :e!r !y are dead or alive4 ,!y did a bit ( ! j\rney ) me1 & ,i enjoy$ _! company1 & ,i %all enjoy x aga91 if x s comes ab\t4 ,b we h to live our life1 & we c't keep m ?an a c]ta9 numb] ( ?+s 9 m9d--t is an obvi\s limitation4 ,d y rememb] ! old fairy /ory ( ! man :o c>ri$ a magic goose1 & ev]yone :o t\*$ x1 or t\*$ anyone :o t\*$ x1 c\ld n leave g1 ) ! result t !re 0 a long tra9 ( helpless p trott+ ab\t beh9d ! man4 ,i don't want to live l t1 ) a long tra9 ( old memories & traditions & fri5d%ips & furniture trail+ helplessly beh9d me4 ,my bus9ess is ) my pres5t circle1 my pres5t "w1 & ,i c't wa/e my /r5g? 9 draw+ ab\t vehicles full ( goods4 ,if anyone wants me1 "h ,i am1 & ,i w d my be/ to meet 8 wi%es2 b ,i am n go+ to be fright5$ by words l loyalty into pret5d+ t ,i am go+ to /agg] along c>ry+ ! :ole ( my pa/4 ,no1 my boy1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 turn+ to ,b>?rop1 y g to ,ox=d1 & enjoy y\rself6 ,b ! old place is too tight ab\t my he>t = me to put my nose into x4 ,i'm a free man1 & ,i am n go+ to be 9 bondage to my old fancies4 ,y may give my love to ,corpus & to ,wadham ,g>d5--x's all dreadfully bewit*+--b ,i'm n go+ to run ! risk ( fall+ 9 love ) ! phantom ( ! pa/--t's ,la ,belle ,dame ,sans ,m]ci = me1 & ,i'm rid+ on--,i'm rid+ on4 ,i won't h ! hussy on my horse4 ,i set h] on my pac+ /e$1 ,& no?+ else saw all day long1 ,= sideways w\ld %e lean1 & s+ ,a fa]y's song4 ,%e f\nd me roots ( reli% sweet1 ,& honey wild & manna dew4 ,& sure 9 language /range %e said1 ',i love !e true1' ,he /opp$ a mom5t1 z he (t5 did :5 he made a quotation1 ov]come ) feel+4 ,!n he smil$1 & add$ half to himself1 ,no2 ,i %\ld say1 z ,dr4 ,johnson said to ! lady 9 ,fleet ,/reet2 ',no1 no2 x won't d1 my girl6' ,,lxvi ,,( ,,discipl9e ,well1 anyh[1 said ,v9c5t at d9n]1 comm5t+ on some?+ t _h be5 said1 y may n get any?+ else out ( a disagreeable affair l t1 b y get a sort ( discipl9e4 ,come1 hold on1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 t won't d1 y "k6 ,discipl9e1 9 my belief1 is 9 itself a bad ?+1 unless y n only get some?+ out ( x1 b1 :at is m1 "k :at y get out ( x4 ,y c't discipl9e anyone1 unless he desires x6 ,discipl9e means ! repress+ ( some?+--y mu/ be q sure t x is wor? repress+4 ,:at ,i mean1 said ,v9c5t1 is t x makes y t\gh] & h>d]4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b t is n a good ?+ 9 itself1 unless !re is some?+ s(t & weak 9 y4 ,discipl9e may easily knock ! good ?+s out ( y4 ,!re's a g5]al k9d ( belief t1 because ! _w is a r\gh place1 :]e y may get tumbles & %ocks )\t any fault ( y\r own1 !re=e x is z well to h some?+ r\gh ab\t y4 ,i don't believe 9 t4 ,! reason :y a man gets r\ghly h&l$1 9 n9e cases out ( t51 is n because he is obnoxi\s or (f5sive1 b because o!r p are h>% & indiff]5t4 ,i want to apply discipl9e to ! brutal1 n to brutalise ! s5sitive4 ,if discipl9e simply made p brave & pati5t1 x w\ld be diff]5t1 b x (t5 makes !m call\s & unpleasant4 ,b doesn't ev]yone want discipl9e ( "s k9d8 said ,v9c5t4 ,( ! "r k9d1 yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,"s p want a good deal m ?an !y get1 & "s a c]ta9 am\nt less ?an !y get4 ,x's a delicate bus9ess4 ,x is n always =tify+4 ,take a simple case4 ,a bold1 braz5 sort ( boy :o is untru?ful may want a :ipp+2 b a timid & imag9ative boy :o is untru?ful doesn't necess>ily want a :ipp+ at all--x makes him m1 & n less1 timid4 ,"o ( ! mo/ ridicul\s & p]si/5t blund]s 9 human life is to believe t a c]ta9 p5alty is div9ely appo9t$ = a c]ta9 (f5ce4 ,our !ory ( puni%m5t is all wrong2 we inflict puni%m5t1 z a rule1 n to improve an (f5d]1 b out ( rev5ge1 or because x gives u a com=table s5se ( our own ju/ice4 ,& ! :ole difficulty ( discipl9e is t x is apt to be appli$ 9 lumps1 & di/ribut$ :olesale to p :o don't all want ! same am\nt4 ,we hav5't really got v f> away f ! ,sque]s !ory ( giv+ all ! boys brim/one & treacle alike4 ,yes1 b 9 a s*ool1 said ,v9c5t1 w\ld n ! boys !mselves res5t x1 if !y 7 puni%$ diff]5tly = ! same (f5ce8 ,t is to say1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t y are to treat boys1 :om y are suppos$ to be tra9+1 9 accordance ) _! ideas ( ju/ice1 & n 9 accordance ) y\rs6 ,:y %\ld y confirm !m 9 a :olly errone\s view ( ju/ice8 ,ju/ice isn't a ma!matical ?+--or r1 x ought to be a ma!matical ?+1 because y ought to take into acc\nt a lot ( factors1 :i* y simply omit f y\r calculation4 ,i believe v little 9 puni%m5t1 to tell y ! tru?2 x ought only to be inflict$ aft] _m w>n+s1 :5 ! (f5ce is delib]ately repeat$4 ,i don't believe t ! sane & normal p]son is a habitual & delib]ate (f5d]4 ,! k9d ( abs5ce ( self-re/ra9t :i* makes p unable to resi/ temptation1 9 any =m1 is a disease1 & ought to be segregat$4 ,i hav5't ! slighte/ d\bt t we %all end by segregat+ or /]ilis+ ! p]son ( crim9al t5d5cies1 :i* only means a total inability1 9 ! pres5ce ( a temptation1 to =esee consequ5ces1 & :i* gratifies a mom5t>y desire4 ,b ap>t f def9ite moral disease1 said ,v9c5t1 isn't x a good ?+ to compel p1 if possible1 into a c]ta9 sort ( habit8 ,i am speak+ ( faults :i* are n crim9al--?+s l unpunctuality1 laz9ess1 small excesses1 mild untru/wor?9ess1 & s =?4 ,well1 ,i don't p]sonally believe 9 co]cive discipl9e at all1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i ?9k x simply gets p out ( %ape4 ,i believe 9 try+ to give p a real motive = self-discipl9e3 take unpunctuality1 = in/ance4 ,! only way to make an unpunctual p]son punctual is to conv9ce him t x is rude & unju/ to keep o!r p wait+4 ,!re is no?+ sacr$ ab\t punctuality 9 itself1 unless "s "o else suff]s by y\r be+ unpunctual4 ,if x comes to t1 isn't x q z good a discipl9e = punctual p to le>n to wait )\t impati5ce = ! unpunctual8 ,suppos+ an unpunctual p]son 7 to say1 ',i d x on pr9ciple1 to tea* precise p n to m9d wait+1' :]e is ! flaw 9 t8 ,take :at y call laz9ess4 ,"s p "w bett] by fits & />ts1 "s d bett] "w by regul>ity4 ,! po9t is to "k h[ y "w be/4 ,y mu/ n make ! conv5i5ce ( av]age p into a moral law4 ,! ?+ to aim at is t a man %\ld n g on do+ a ?+ :i* he hone/ly believes to be wrong & hurtful1 out ( a m]e habit4 ,take ! small excesses ( :i* y speak--food1 dr9k1 sleep1 tobacco4 ,"s p want m ( ^! ?+s ?an o!rs2 y c't lay d[n exact laws4 ,a man ought to f9d out precisely :at suits him be/2 b ,i'm n prep>$ to say t regul>ity 9 ^! matt]s is absolutely good = ev]yone4 ,! ?+ is n to be int]f]$ ) by y\r habits2 & ! end ( all discipl9e is1 ,i believe1 effici5cy1 vitality1 & fre$om2 b x is no good sub/itut+ "o tyranny = ano!r4 ,i 0 read+ ! life ( a man ! o!r day :o simply c\ld n believe t anyone c\ld ?9k a ?+ wrong & yet d x4 ,8 biograph] said1 v %rewdly1 t 8 s5se ( s9 0 z dead z 8 e> = music--t he did n possess ev5 ! common lib]ty ( "r & wrong4 ,t's a bad case ( atrophy6 ,y mu/ n1 ( c\rse1 be at ! m]cy ( y\r moods1 b y mu/ n be at ! m]cy ( y\r e?ical habits ei!r4 ,( ! two1 ,i am n sure t ! habit isn't ! mo/ dang]\s4 ,y seem to be hold+ a brief all r\nd1 ,fa!r1 said ,v9c5t4 ,no1 ,i am n do+ t1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b my !ory is ?is4 ,y mu/ "k1 fir/ ( all1 :at y are aim+ at1 & y mu/ apply y\r discipl9e s5sibly to t4 ,!re are c]ta9 ?+s 9 u :i* we "k to be sloppy--we lie 9 b$1 we dawdle1 we eat too mu*1 we moon ov] our "w4 ,all t is obvi\sly no good1 & all s5sible p try to pull !mselves up4 ,:5 y h f\nd out :at suits y1 d x boldly2 b ! man :o admires discipl9e = its own sake is a sort ( hypo*ondriac--a m$ic9e-dr9k]4 ,i h a fri5d :o says t if he /ays 9 a h\se1 & sees a bottle ( m$ic9e 9 a cupbo>d1 he is always tempt$ to take a dose4 ',is x t y feel ill8' ,i once said to him4 ',no1' he said2 'b ,i h an idea t x might d me good4' ,! discipl9>ian is l t3 he is always putt+ a little /ra9 ^u himself1 cutt+ (f ?is & t1 try+ new rules1 head+ himself (f4 ,he has an uneasy feel+ t if he likes any?+1 x is a sort ( sign t he %\ld ab/a9 f x3 he mi/ru/s 8 impulses & in/9cts4 ,he ?9ks he is gett+ to talk too mu*1 & s he practises hold+ 8 tongue4 ,! tru? is t he is suspici\s ( life4 ,he is l ! s*oolma/] :o says1 ',g & see :at ,jack is do+1 & tell him n to6' ,( c\rse ,i am tak+ an extreme case1 b !re is a t5d5cy 9 t direction 9 _m p4 ,!y ?9k t /r5g? means ! p[] to resi/1 :5 x really means ! p[] to fl[4 ,i d n ?9k t p ought to be def]5tial to criticism1 timid be=e rebuke1 depress$ by disapproval3 &1 on ! :ole1 ,i believe t m h>m is done by self-repression1 ob$i5ce1 meekness ?an by ! opposite qualities4 ,i want m5 to live _! own lives fe>lessly--n (f5sively1 ( c\rse--) a due reg>d to o!r p's com=t1 b )\t any reg>d to o!r p's conv5tions4 ,i believe 9 tru/+ y\rself1 on ! :ole1 & tru/+ ! _w4 ,i d n ?9k x is :olesome or brave to live "u ! %ad[ ( o!r p's fe>s or o!r p's convictions4 ,all ! p1 x seems to me1 :o h done any?+ = ! _w1 h be5 ! p :o h gone _! own way2 & ,i ?9k t self-discipl9e1 or ext]nal discipl9e meekly accept$1 ends 9 a flatt5+ out ( m5's p[] & "*4 ,( c\rse y fell[s "h are le>n+ to d a def9ite te*nical ?+--b y w obs]ve t all ! discipl9e "h is def5sive1 & n co]cive4 ,i don't want y to take any %ape or m\ld3 ,i want y j to le>n to d ?+s 9 y\r own way4 ,i don't ev] want y to int]f]e ) ea* o!r's m9ds too mu*4 ,i don't want to int]f]e ) y\r m9ds myself1 except 9 s f> z to help y to get rid ( slopp9ess & prejudices4 ,"h1 ,i mu/n't g on--x's becom+ l a prospectus6 b x comes to ?is1 t ,i believe 9 ! tra9$ m9d1 & n 9 ! m\ld$ m9d2 & ,i ?9k t ! mom5t discipl9e ceases to tra9 /r5g?1 & beg9s to m\ld weakness1 x's a ?or\ghly bad ?+4 ,no "o c be artificially protect$ f life )\t los+ life--& life is :at ,i am out =4 ,,lxvii ,,( ,,increase ,i did n he> ! argum5t1 b ,i he>d ,v9c5t say to ,fa!r ,payne3 ,( c\rse ,i c\ldn't d t--x w\ld h be5 s inconsi/5t4 ,oh6 consi/5cy's a v *eap affair1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 x is mo/ly a bl5d ( vanity & sl[ intellig5ce4 ,b "o mu/ /ick to some?+1 said ,v9c5t4 ,!re's no?+ s tiresome z nev] kn[+ h[ a man is go+ to behave4 ,( c\rse1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 inconsi/5cy isn't a virtue--x is g5]ally ! product ( a quick & confus$ intellig5ce4 ,b consi/5cy ought n to be a pr9ciple ( ?\ght or action--y ought n to d or ?9k a ?+ simply because y h ?\ght x be=e--t is m]e laz9ess6 ,:at "o wants is a consi/5t sort ( progress--y ought n to /ay /ill4 ,b y mu/ h pr9ciples1 said ,v9c5t4 ,yes1 b y mu/ expect to *ange !m1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,pr9ciples are only d$uctions aft] all3 & to rema9 consi/5t z a rule only means t y h ceas$ to d any?+ ) y\r exp]i5ce1 or else x means t y h tak5 y\r pr9ciples second-h&4 ,!y ought to be liv+ ?+s1 yield+ fruits ( increase4 ,i don't mean t y %\ld be at ! m]cy ( a p]suasive speak]1 or ( ! la/ book y h read--b1 on ! o!r h&1 to meet an int]e/+ man or to read a sugge/ive book ought to modify y\r views a little4 ,y ought to be ela/ic4 ,! only ?+ t is nev] q ! same is op9ion2 & to be hold+ a t5 ye>s' old op9ion simply means t y are /r&$4 ,!re's no?+ worse ?an to be high & dry4 ,b isn't x worse /ill1 said ,v9c5t1 to see s _m sides to a "q t y c't take a def9ite "p8 ,i don't feel sure1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i "k t ! all-r\nd sympa?is] is g5]ally f\nd fault ) 9 books2 b x is an uncommon temp]am5t1 & means a great p[] ( imag9ation4 ,i am n sure t ! faculty ( tak+ a side is a v valuable "o4 ,p say t ?+s get done t way2 b a great _m ?+s get done wrong1 & h to be undone4 ,!re is no bless+ on ! palpably "o-sid$ p4 ,besides1 !re is a great movem5t 9 ! _w n[ t[>ds approximation4 ,majorities don't want to bully m9orities4 ,p]secution has gone out4 ,p are beg9n+ to see t pr9ciples are few & int]pretations _m4 ,i believe1 z a matt] ( fact1 t we ought always to be simplify+ our pr9ciples1 & gett+ !m "u a few big heads4 ,besides1 y d n conv]t p by hamm]+ away at pr9ciples4 ,i always l ! /ory ( ! ,fr5*man :o said to 8 oppon5t1 ',come1 let u g = a little walk1 & see if we c disagree4' ,i don't exactly see :at he meant1 said ,v9c5t4 ,:y1 he meant1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t if !y c\ld br+ _! m9ds toge!r1 !y w\ld f9d t !re wasn't v mu* to qu>rel ab\t4 ,b ,i don't believe 9 argu+4 ,i don't ?9k op9ion *anges 9 t way4 ,i fancy x has tides ( its own1 & t ideas appe> 9 numb]s ( m9ds all ov] ! _w1 l fl[]s 9 spr+4 ,b h[ is "o ev] to act at all1 said ,v9c5t1 if "o is always to be feel+ t a pr9ciple may turn out to be nons5se aft] all8 ,well1 ,i ?9k action is ma9ly a matt] ( in/9ct1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,b ,i don't really believe 9 tak+ too diffuse a view ( ?+s 9 g5]al4 ,v few ( u are /rong en\gh & wise en\gh1 let me say1 to read ! pap]s ) any pr(it4 ,! newspap]s emphasize ! disunion ( ! _w1 & ,i believe 9 its solid>ity4 ,come1 ,i'll tell y h[ ,i ?9k p ought really to live1 if y l4 ,i ?9k a man ought to live 8 own life1 )\t attempt+ too mu* ref]5ce to :at is go+ on 9 ! _w4 ,i ?9k x becomes pretty pla9 to mo/ ( u1 by ! "t we rea* ye>s ( discretion1 :at we c d & :at we _c4 ,i don't mean t life ought to be liv$ 9 blank selfi%ness1 )\t ref]5ce to anyone else4 ,mo/ ( u c't d t1 anyh[--x requires extraord9>y conc5tration ( w4 ,b ,i ?9k t our lives ought to be int5sive--t is to say1 ,i don't ?9k we ought to conc]n ourselves ) gett+ rid ( our defici5cies1 s mu* z by conc5trat+ & emphasiz+ our p[]s & faculties4 ,we ought all ( u to h a c]ta9 circle 9 m9d--,i believe v mu* 9 circles4 ,we are v mu* limit$1 & our p[] ( affect+ p = good & evil is v small2 our *ance ( help+ is small4 ,! mom5t we try to ext5d our circle v mu*1 to wid5 our influ5ce1 we become l a juggl] :o keeps a doz5 plates sp9n+ all at once--x is m]e leg]dema94 ,b we mo/ ( u live really ) ab\t a score ( p4 ,we c't *oose our circle altoge!r1 & !re are g5]ally c]ta9 p]sons 9 x :om we %\ld wi% away4 ,i ?9k we ought to devote ourselves to our "w1 :atev] x is1 & outside ( t to gett+ a real1 intimate1 & vital und]/&+ ) ! p r\nd u4 ,t is a problem :i* is amply big en\gh = mo/ ( u4 ,!n ,i ?9k we ought to g s]i\sly to "w1 n argu+ or f9d+ fault1 n pu%+ or %ov+ p ab\t1 b j liv+ on ! f9e/ l9es we c4 ,! only real *ance ( conv]t+ o!r p to our pr9ciples or own ideas1 is to live 9 su* a way t x is obvi\s t our ideas br+ u real & vital happ9ess4 ,y may dep5d ^u x1 t is ! only way to live--! positive way4 ,we simply mu/ n qu>rel ) our associates3 we mu/ be pati5t & sympa!tic & imag9ative4 ,b are !re no exceptions8 said ,i4 ,i h he>d y say t a man mu/ be prep>$ to lose fri5ds on occasions4 ,yes1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 ! circle %ifts & *anges a little1 no d\bt4 ,i admit t x becomes cle> occasionally t y _c live ) a p>ticul> p]son4 ,b if y h ali5at$ him or h] by y\r c5sori\sness & y\r want ( sympa?y1 y h to be a%am$ ( y\rself4 ,if x is ! o!r way1 & y are be+ tyrannis$ ov]1 deflect$1 h9d]$1 !n x may be necess>y to break away--?\gh1 m9d y1 ,i ?9k x is f9] /ill if y d n break away4 ,b y mu/ h y\r lib]ty1 & ,i don't believe 9 sacrific+ t1 because !n y live an unreal life--&1 :atev] happ5s1 y mu/ n d t4 ,b :at is to be done :5 p are ti$ up by relation%ips1 & c't get away8 said ,i4 ,yes1 !re are su* cases1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 ,i don't d5y x4 ,if !re is really no escape possible1 !n y mu/ tackle x1 & make ! f9e/ ?+ y c out ( ! situation4 ,fulness ( life1 t is :at we mu/ aim at4 ,( c\rse p are hemm$ 9 9 o!r ways too--by heal?1 pov]ty1 circum/ances ( v>i\s k9ds4 ,b1 h[ev] small y\r saucepan is1 x ought to be on ! boil4 ,b c p make !mselves active & hopeful8 ,i said4 ,isn't t j ! mo/ awful problem ( all1 ! li/lessness :i* falls on _m ( u1 z ! limitations draw r\nd & ! net encloses u8 ,y mu/ kick out = all y are wor?1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i fully admit ! difficulty4 ,b "o ( ! be/ ?+s 9 life is ! fact t y c always d a little bett] ?an y expect4 ,& !n--y mu/n't =get ,god4 ,b a consci\s t\* ) ,god8 ,i said4 ,isn't t a r>e ?+8 ,x ne$ n be1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 v s]i\sly4 ,if !re is "o ?+ :i* exp]i5ce has taught me1 x is ?is--t if y make a signal to ,god1 x is answ]$4 ,i don't say t tr\bles roll away1 or t y are made in/antly happy4 ,b y w f9d t y c /ruggle on4 ,p simply don't try t exp]im5t4 ,! reason :y !y d n is1 ,i hone/ly believe1 because ( our s]vices1 :]e pray] is made s c]emoni\sly & elaborately t p get a false s5se ( dignity & rev]5ce4 ,x is a v natural in/9ct :i* made ! disciples say1 ',tea* u to pray1' & ,i d n ?9k t ecclesia/ical sy/ems d tea* p to pray--at lea/ ! examples !y give are too intellectual1 too mu* conc]n$ ) good ta/e4 ,a pray] ne$ n be a v]bal ?+--! be/ pray]s are n4 ,x is ! mute glance ( an eye1 ! hold+ out ( a h&4 ,& if y ask me :at c make p diff]5t1 ,i say x is n w1 b pray]4 ,,lxviii ,,( ,,pray] ,i 0 walk+ ab\t ! g>d5 on a w9try ,sunday ) ,fa!r ,payne4 ,he _h a p>ticul> mood on ,sundays1 ,i us$ to ?9k1 :i* made itself subtly felt--a mood s]i\s1 re/ra9$1 & yet cont5t$4 ,i d n rememb] h[ ! subject came up1 b he said some?+ ab\t pray]1 & ,i repli$3 ,i wi% y w\ld tell me exactly :at y feel ab\t pray]1 ,fa!r4 ,i nev] q und]/&4 ,y always speak z if x play$ a great "p 9 y\r life1 & yet ,i nev] am sure :at exactly x means to y4 ,y might z well say1 he said1 smil+1 t y nev] felt q sure :at breakfa/ meant to me4 ,he /opp$ & look$ at me = a mom5t4 ,d we "k :at any?+ means8 ,we "k :at pray] is1 at any rate--"o ( ! commone/ & mo/ natural ( in/9cts4 ,:at is y\r difficulty8 ,oh1 ! usual "o1 ,i said1 t if ! ,god to :om we pray is ! ,p[] :i* puts into our m9ds good desires1 & kn[s n only :at is pass+ 9 our ?\ghts1 b ! v direction :i* our ?\ghts are go+ to take--reads u1 9 fact1 l a book1 z !y say--:at1 !n1 is ! object or purpose ( sett+ ourselves to pray to a ,p[] t kn[s our precise range ( ?\ghts1 & c dis5tangle !m all f> bett] ?an we c ourselves8 ,:y1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 t is pure fatalism4 ,if y c>ry t on a little fur!r x means all abs5ce ( ef=t4 ,y might z well say1 ',i w take no /eps to provide myself ) food--if ,god is ,all-,p[]ful1 & s5ds me a good appetite1 x is ,8 bus9ess to satisfy x6 ,oh1 ,i said1 ,i see t4 ,b if ,i set ab\t provid+ myself ) breakfa/1 ,i "k exactly :at ,i want1 & h a v fair *ance ( obta9+ x4 ,b ! ess5ce ( pray] is t y mu/ n expect to get y\r desires fulfill$4 ,i c]ta9ly d n pret5d1 said he1 t pray] is a me*anical me?od ( gett+ ?+s2 x isn't a sub/itute = ef=t & action4 ,nor d ,i ?9k t ,god simply )holds ?+s unless y ask = !m1 z a dog has to beg = a piece ( biscuit4 ,i don't look ^u pray] z ! m]e =mulat+ ( a li/ ( reque/s2 & ,i dislike v mu* ! way "s good p h ( gett+ a l>ge numb] ( m5 & wom5 to pray = ! same ?+1 z if y 7 canvass+ = votes4 ,& yet ,i believe t pray]s h a way ( be+ grant$4 ,inde$1 ,i ?9k t bo? ! /r5g? & ! dang] ( pray] lies 9 ! fact t p d v mu* t5d to get :at !y h set _! he>ts ^u4 ,a recurr5t pray] = a def9ite ?+ is (t5 a sign t a man is work+ h>d to secure x4 ,x is r p]il\s to desire def9ite ?+s too def9itely1 n because y are disappo9t$1 b because y are (t5 successful 9 atta9+ !m4 ,!n t w\ld be a reason = n pray+1 ,i said4 ,fa!r ,payne gave "o ( 8 little fr[ns1 :i* ,i knew well4 ,i'm n argu+ = ! sake ( argu+1 ,fa!r1 ,i said2 ,i really want to und]/&4 ,x seems to me su* a muddle4 ,! little fr[n pass$ (f 9 a smile4 ,yes1 x isn't a :olly rational ?+1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 b x's a natural & in/9ctive ?+4 ,to =bid pray] seems to me l =bidd+ hope & love4 ,pray] seems to me j a m+l+ ( hope & desire & love & confid5ce4 ,x is m l talk+ ov] y\r plans & desires ) ,god4 ,x all dep5ds ^u :e!r y say1 ',my w be done1' :i* is ! wrong sort ( pray]1 or ',?y w be done1' :i* is ! "r sort ( pray]1 & inf9itely h>d]4 ,i don't m9d tell+ y ?is1 t my pray]s are an attempt to put myself 9 t\* ) ! ,_s ( ,god4 ,i believe 9 ,god2 ,i believe t ,he is try+ v h>d to br+ m5 & wom5 to live 9 a c]ta9 way--! "r1 joyful1 beautiful way4 ,he sees x cle>ly en\gh2 b we are s tangl$ up ) mat]ial ?+s t we don't see x cle>ly--we don't see :]e our happ9ess lies2 we mi/ake all k9ds ( ?+s--pleasures1 s*emes1 successes1 com=ts1 desires--= happ9ess2 & pray] seems to me l op5+ a sluice & lett+ a cle> /ream gu% ?r\gh4 ,t's :y ,i believe "o mu/ set oneself to x4 ,! sluice is n always op5--we are lazy1 c[>dly1 timid2 or aga91 we are confid5t1 self-satisfi$1 pr\d ( our own inv5tiv5ess & res\rcefulness4 ,i don't "k :at ! w is or :at its limitations are2 b ,i believe x has a degree ( lib]ty1 & x c ex]cise t lib]ty 9 welcom+ ,god4 ,( c\rse1 if we ?9k ( ,god z dre>ily moral1 h>%1 full ( ang] & disapproval1 we are n likely to welcome ,him2 b if we feel ,him full ( eag]ness & sympa?y1 ( 'com=t1 light1 & fire ( love1' z ! old hymn says1 !n we desire ,8 company4 ,y h to prep>e y\rself = good company1 y "k4 ,x is a bit ( a /ra92 & ,i feel t ! p :o won't pray are l ! lazy & sloppy p :o won't put !mselves out or =ego _! habits or take any tr\ble to receive a spl5did gue/4 ,! diff]5ce is t ! spl5did gue/ is n to be got e day1 :ile ,god is always glad ( y\r company1 ,i ?9k4 ,!n ) y pray] isn't a process ( ask+8 ,i said4 ,b isn't x a way ( *ang+ y\rself by simply try+ to get y\r ideals cle>8 ,no1 no1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 x's j draw+ wat] f a well :5 y are ?ir/y4 ,( c\rse y mu/ g to ! well1 & let d[n ! bucket4 ,x isn't a m]e tra9+ ( imag9ation2 x is help+ y\rself to some?+ actually !re4 ,! m y pray1 ! less y ask = def9ite ?+s4 ,y become a%am$ to d t4 ,d y rememb] ! /ory ( ,hans ,&]s51 :5 he w5t to see ! ,k+ ( ,d5m>k8 ,! ,k+ made a pause at "o po9t & look$ at ,&]s51 & ,&]s5 said aft]w>ds t ! ,k+ _h evid5tly expect$ him to ask = a p5sion4 ',b ,i c\ld n1' he said4 ',i "k ,i 0 a fool1 b my he>t w\ld n let me4' ,"o c tru/ ,god to "k "o's desires1 & "o's he>t w n let "o ask = !m4 ,x is ,8 w t y want to "k--y\r own w t y want to surr5d]4 ,/r5g?1 cle>sight$ness1 simplicity--^? are :at fl[ f contact ) ,god4 ,b :at d y make1 ,i said1 ( contemplative ,ord]s ( monks & nuns1 :o say t !y specialise 9 pray]1 & give up _! :ole "t & en]gy to x8 ,well1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 x's a h>mless & beautiful life2 b x seems to me l ab&on+ y\rself to "o k9d ( rapture4 ,pray] seems to me a "p ( life1 n ! :ole ( x4 ,y h got to use ! /r5g? giv5 y4 ,x is giv5 y to d bus9ess )4 ,x seems to me z if a man argu$ t because eat+ gave him /r5g?1 x mu/ be a good ?+ to eat2 & t he w\ld !re=e eat all day long4 ,x isn't ! ga9+ ( /r5g? t is desirable1 b ! us+ ( /r5g?4 ,y mu/n't sponge ^u ,god1 s to speak4 ,& ,i don't hone/ly believe 9 any life :i* takes y "r away f life4 ,life is ! duty ( all ( u2 & pray] seems to me j "o ( ! ?+s t help "o to live4 ,b int]cession1 ,i said1 is !re no?+ 9 ! idea t y c pray = ^? :o _c or w n pray = !mselves8 ,i don't "k1 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,if y love p & wi% !m well1 & hate ! ?\ght ( ! evils :i* befall ! innoc5t1 & ! ov]fl[+s ( ungodl9ess1 y c't keep t out ( y\r pray]s1 ( c\rse4 ,b ,i d\bt v mu* :e!r "o c d ?+s vic>i\sly4 ,x seems to l& y 9 difficulties2 if y say1 = in/ance1 ',i w inflict suff]+s ^u myself1 t o!rs may be sp>$ suff]+1' logically y might g on to say1 ',i w enjoy myself t my enjoym5t may help ^? :o _c enjoy4' ,"o doesn't really "k h[ mu* "o's own exp]i5ce does help o!r p4 ,liv+ ) o!rs c]ta9ly does affect !m1 b ,i don't feel sure t isolat+ oneself f o!rs does4 ,i ?9k1 on ! :ole1 t ev]yone mu/ take 8 place 9 a circle4 ,we are limit$ by "t & space & matt]1 y "k4 ,y c "k & love a doz5 p2 y c't "k & love a hundr$ ?\s& to mu* purpose4 ,i rememb] :5 ,i 0 a boy t !re 0 a run on a ,bank :]e we liv$4 ,two ( ! p>tn]s w5t !re1 & did :at !y c\ld4 ,! ?ird1 a pi\s fell[1 %ut himself up 9 8 b$room & pray$4 ,! ,bank 0 sav$1 & he came d[n ! next day & expla9$ 8 abs5ce by say+ he _h be5 giv+ !m ! mo/ effectual help 9 8 p[]4 ,he ?\ght1 ,i believe1 t he _h sav$ ! ,bank2 ,i don't ?9k ! o!r two m5 ?\ght s1 & ,i am incl9$ to side ) !m4 ,m9d1 ,i am n d]id+ ! idea ( a vocation = int]cessory pray]4 ,i don't "k en\gh ab\t ! =ces ( ! _w to d t4 ,x's a h>mless life1 a beautiful life1 & a h>d life too1 & ,i won't say x is useless4 ,b ,i am n conv9c$ ( its usefulness4 ,x seems to me on a p> ) ! arti/ic life1 a devotion to a beautiful dream1 ,i don't1 on ! :ole1 believe 9 art = art's sake1 & ,i don't ?9k ,i believe 9 pray] = pray]'s sake4 ,b ,i don't prop\nd my ideas z f9al4 ,i ?9k x possible--,i c't say m--t a life devot$ to ! absorption ( beautiful impressions may affect ! atmosph]e ( ! _w--we are b\nd up ) ea* o!r beh9d ! sc5es 9 my/]i\s ways--& simil>ly ,i ?9k t lives ( contemplative pray] may affect ! _w4 ,i %\ld n attempt to disc\rage anyone f su* a vocation4 ,b x c't be tak5 = grant$1 & ,i ?9k t a man mu/ %[ cause1 ap>t f m]e incl9ation1 :y he %\ld n live ! common life ( ! _w1 & m+le ) 8 fell[s4 ,!n pray]1 y ?9k1 ,i said1 is to y j "o ( ! natural processes ( life8 ,t's ab\t x6 said ,fa!r ,payne4 ,x seems to me z def9ite a way ( gett+ /r5g? & cle>ness ( view & hope & goodness1 z eat+ & sleep+ are ways ( gett+ /r5g? ( ano!r k9d4 ,to neglect x is to run ! risk ( liv+ a hurri$1 muddl$1 self-absorb$ life4 ,i c't expla9 x1 any m ?an ,i c expla9 eat+ or brea?+4 ,x j seems to me a condition ( f9e life1 :i* we c practise to our help & com=t1 & neglect to our hurt4 ,i don't ?9k ,i c say m ab\t x ?an t1 my boy6 ,,lxix ,,! ,,%ad[ ,"o ev5+1 :5 ,i 0 sitt+ ) ,b>?rop 9 ! smok+-room & ! o!rs _h gone away1 he said to me sudd5ly1 ,!re's some?+ ,i want to speak to y ab\t3 ,i h be5 worry+ ab\t x = "s little "t1 & x's a bad ?+ to d t4 ,i d>esay x is all nons5se1 b ,i am bo!r$ ab\t ! ,fa!r4 ,i don't ?9k he is well1 & ,i don't ?9k he ?9ks he is well4 ,he is mu* ?9n]1 y "k1 & he isn't 9 good spirits4 ,i don't mean t he isn't *e]ful 9 a way1 b x's an ef=t to him4 ,n[1 h y notic$ any?+8 ,i ?\ght = a m9ute1 & !n ,i said1 ,no1 ,i don't ?9k ,i h6 ,he's ?9n]1 ( c\rse1 b he jok$ to me ab\t t--he said he _h turn$ ! corn]1 z p d1 & he wasn't go+ to be a pursy old p>ty :5 he got old]4 ,n[ t y m5tion x1 ,i ?9k he has be5 r sil5t & ab/ract$ lately4 ,b !n he (t5 is t1 y "k1 :5 we are all toge!r4 ,& 9 8 private talks ) me--& ,i h _h sev]al lately--he has seem$ to me m t5d] & affectionate ?an usual ev52 n s amus+1 p]haps1 n bubbl+ ov] ) talk1 & a little m s]i\s4 ,if ,i h ?\ght any?+ at all1 x simply is t he is gett+ old]4 ,x may simply be t1 ( c\rse1 said ,b>?rop1 look+ reliev$4 ,i suppose he is ab\t fifty-eight or s8 ,b ,i'll tell y some?+ else4 ,i w5t 9 to speak to him two or ?ree days ago4 ,well y "k h[ he always seems to be do+ some?+8 ,he is nev] unoccupi$ indoors1 ?\gh he has c]ta9ly se5 less ( ev]yone's "w ( late--b t morn+ ,i f\nd him sitt+ 9 8 *air1 look+ out ( ! w9d[1 do+ no?+ at all2 & ,i didn't l 8 look4 ,h[ c ,i put x8 ,he look$ l a man :o 0 go+ (f on a long j\rney--& he 0 tir$ & worn-look+--,i h nev] se5 him look+ worn be=e--z if !re 0 a /ra9 ( "s k9d4 ,!re 7 l9es ab\t 8 face ,i hadn't notic$ be=e1 & 8 eyes seem$ l>g] & bright]4 ,he said to me1 half apologetically1 ',look "h1 ?is won't d6 ,i'm gett+ lazy1' ,!n he w5t on1 ',i 0 ?9k+1 y "k1 ab\t ?is place3 x has be5 an exp]im5t1 & a good & happy exp]im5t4 ,b x hasn't f\nd$ itself1 z ,i hop$1' ,i ask$ him :at exactly he meant1 & he laugh$1 & said3 ',y "k ,i don't believe 9 f\nd+ ?+s6 ,a place l ?is has got to gr[ up ( itself1 & h a life ( its own4 ,i don't ?9k ! place has got t4 ,i put a se$ or two into ! gr\nd1 b ,i'm n sure t !y h quick5$ to life4' ,!n he w5t on 9 a m9ute3 ',y w "k ,i don't say ?is conceit$ly1 b ,i ?9k x has all dep5d$ too mu* on me1 & ,i "k ,i'm only a till] ( ! gr\nd4 ,i don't believe ,i c give life to a society--,i c keep x lively1 b t's n ! same ?+4 ,some?+ has come ( my plan1 to be sure1 b x isn't go+ to spread l a tree--& ,i hop$ x might6 ,b x's no good be+ disappo9t$--t's *ildi%--y c't d :at y mean to d 9 ?is _w1 only :at y are meant to d4 ,i expect ! weakness has be5 t ,i m$dle too mu*--,i don't leave ?+s alone en\gh4 ,i tru/ too mu* to myself1 & n en\gh to ,god4 ,x's be5 too mu* a case ( ,see me d x6--z ! *ildr5 say4' ,:at did y say8 ,i said4 ,no?+ at all1 said ,b>?rop2 t's :]e ,i fail4 ,i c't rise to an em]g5cy4 ,i murmur$ some?+ ab\t our all be+ v grateful to him--x 0 awfully flat6 ,if ,i c\ld b h told him h[ ,i c>$ = him1 & h[ spl5did he _h always be56 ,b ^? p]fectly true1 s9c]e1 f9e ?+s are j :at "o c't say1 unless "o has x all writt5 d[n on pap]4 ,i wi% he w\ld see a doctor1 or g away = a bit2 b ,i c't advise him to d t--he hates a fuss ab\t any?+1 & mo/ ( all ab\t heal?4 ,he says y ought nev] to tell p h[ y are feel+1 because !y h to pret5d to be int]e/$6 ,i smil$ at ?is1 & said1 ,i don't ?9k !re really is mu* ! matt]6 ,p c't be always at ! top ( _! game1 & he takes a lot out ( himself1 ( c\rse4 ,he's always giv+ out6 ,he is inde$1 said ,b>?rop2 b ,i won't say m n[4 ,i feel bett] = hav+ told y4 ,j y keep y\r eyes op5--b1 = ,heav5's sake1 don't wat* him--y "k h[ %>p he is4 ,i w5t (f a little depress$ by ! talk1 because x seem$ s impossible to connect any?+ b buoyant heal? ) ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i did n see him at breakfa/1 b he came 9 to lun*2 & ,i saw at once t !re 0 some?+ amiss ) him4 ,he ate little1 & he look$ tir$4 ,h[ev]1 z ,i rose to g--we did n1 z ,i h said1 talk at lun*--he j beckon$ to me1 & po9t$ ) 8 f+] 9 ! direction ( 8 room4 ,x 0 a well-kn[n ge/ure if he want$ to speak to "o4 ,i w5t !re1 & /ood be=e ! fire survey+ ! room1 :i* look$ unwont$ly tidy1 ! table be+ almo/ free f books & pap]s4 ,b !re lay a long fold$ folio %eet on ! table1 a legal docum5t1 & x gave me a *ill to see ! ^w ,w on ! top ( x4 ,fa!r ,payne came 9 a mom5t lat] ) a smile4 ,!n someh[ div9+1 z he s (t5 did1 exactly :at _h happ5$1 he said1 z if answ]+ an unspok5 "q1 ,yes1 t's my w6 ,i h be51 9 fact1 mak+ x4 ,x's a :olesome occupation = an eld]ly man4 ,b ,i only want$ to "k if y w\ld come = a /roll8 ,yes8 ,t's all "r6 ,y are sure ,i'm n int]f]+ ) any arrangem5t8 ,x 0 a late autumn day 9 ,novemb]3 ! air 0 cold & damp1 ! roads wet1 ! h$ges hung ) moi/ure & ! leaves 7 almo/ gone f ! trees4 ,mo/ p don't l ?is sort ( day1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 z we w5t out ( ! gate2 b ,i l x ev5 bett] ?an spr+4 ,ev]y?+ seems go+ cont5t$ly to sleep1 l a tir$ *ild4 ,all ! plants are )draw+ into !mselves1 into ! inn] life4 ,!y h _h a pleasant "t1 wav+ _! bann]s ab\t--b !y h no use = !m any m4 ,!y are all go+ to be alone = a bit4 ,d y rememb] t epi!t ( ,keats1 ab\t ! 'cool-root$' fl[]s8 ,t's a bit ( g5ius4 ,t's :at makes ! diff]5ce betwe5 p1 ,i ?9k--:e!r !y are cool-root$ or n4 ,he walk$ m sl[ly ?an 0 8 wont to-day1 b he seem$ 9 equable spirits1 & made _m exclamations ( delight4 ,he said sudd5ly1 ,d y "k "o ( ! advantages ( gr[+ old8 ,x is t if y h an unpleasant ?+ ahead ( y1 in/ead ( %ad[+ ! m9d1 z x does :5 y are "y1 x gives a sort ( reli% to ! int]v5+ "t4 ,i c ev5 imag9e a man 9 ! condemn$ cell1 till ! end gets close1 be+ able to look ahead to ! day1 :5 he wakes 9 ! morn+--! squ>e meals1 ! pipe--,i believe !y all[ !m to smoke--! talk ) ! *apla94 ,x's always nice to feel x is y\r duty to talk ab\t y\rself1 & to expla9 h[ x all came ab\t1 & :y y c\ldn't d o!rwise4 ,n[ ,i h got to g up to t[n on "s tiresome bus9ess at ! end ( ?is week1 & ,i'm go+ to enjoy ! days 9 betwe54 ,he /opp$ & spoke ) all 8 accu/om$ good hum\r to half a doz5 p :om we met4 ,!n he said to me3 ,d y "k1 my boy1 ,i want to tell y t y h be5 "o ( my successes6 ,i did n hone/ly ?9k y w\ld buckle to z y h done1 & ,i don't ?9k y are q z sympa!tic z ,i once fe>$6 ,he gave me a smile z he said x1 & w5t on3 ,y "k :at ,i mean--,i ?\ght y w\ld reflect p too mu*1 & be too responsive to y\r companions4 ,& y h be5 a great com=t to me1 ,i don't d5y x4 ,b ,i ?ankfully disc]n a good h>d /one 9 ! middle ( all ! juic9ess1 ) a tight little k]nel inside x--,i'll quote ,keats aga91 & say 'a sweet-he>t$ k]nel1' ,m9d1 ,i don't say y w d great ?+s4 ,y are facile1 & y see ?+s v quickly & accurately1 & y h a /yle4 ,b ,i don't ?9k y h got ! tragic quality or ! passionate gift4 ,y are too placid & cont5t$--b y sp9 along1 & ,i ?9k y see some?+ ( ! reality ( ?+s4 ,y w be l$ =? beside ! wat]s ( com=t--y w lack no?+--y\r cup w be full4 ,b ! great "w is done by p ) l>ge empty cups t take "s fill+--! p :o are giv5 ! pl5te\sness ( te>s to dr9k4 ,x's a bitt] draught--y won't h to dr9k x4 ,b ,i ?9k y are on "r & happy l9es1 & y mu/ be cont5t ) good "w4 ,anyh[1 y w always write l a g5tleman1 & t's a good deal to say4 ,?is pleas$ & t\*$ me v deeply4 ,i began to murmur some?+4 ,oh no1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 y ne$n't6 ,a boy at a prize-giv+ isn't requir$ to ent] into easy talk ) ! presid+ buff]6 ,i h j h&$ y y\r prize4 ,he talk$ aft] ?is lightly ( _m small ?+s--ab\t ,b>?rop 9 p>ticul>1 & ask$ me _m que/ions ab\t him4 ,i am afraid ,i hav5't all[$ him en\gh initiative1 said ,fa!r ,payne2 t's a bad habit ( m9e4 ,b if he _h really _h x1 we %\ld h squabbl$--he's n q fi]y en\gh1 ! belov$ ,b>?rop6 ,he's awfully judici\s1 b he mu/ h a lead4 ,he's a submission]1 ,i'm afraid1 z a witty prelate once said6 ,y "k ! two sides ( ! *oir1 ,decani & ,cantoris z !y are call$4 ,decani always beg9 ! psalms & say ! v]sicles1 ,cantoris always respond4 ,p are always "o or ! o!r1 & ,b>?rop is a born ,cantoris4 ,we did n g v f>1 & he soon propos$ to return4 ,b j z we 7 ne>+ home1 he said1 ,i ?9k ! h>de/ ?+ 9 life to und]/&--! v h>de/ ( all--is our pleasure 9 ! s5se ( p]man5ce6 ,x's ! supreme & con/ant illusion4 ,i c't ?9k :]e x comes f1 or :y x is !re1 or :at x is suppos$ to d = u4 ,d y rememb]1 he said ) a smile1 h[ ,%elley1 ! mo/ hopelessly re/less ( mortals1 :5ev] he settl$ any:]e1 always wrote to 8 fri5ds t he _h e/abli%$ himself = ev]8 ,x's ! in/9ct :i* is mo/ contr>y to reason4 ,ev]y?+ contradicts x--we are n ! same p = five m9utes toge!r1 no?+ t we see or he> or ta/e cont9ues--& yet we feel et]nally & immutably fix$2 & in/ead ( liv+ ea* day z if x 0 our la/--:i* is a ?or\ghly bad piece ( advice--we live ea* day z if x 0 "o ( an endlessly revolv+ *a9 ( days1 & z if we 7 go+ to live to all et]nity--z inde$ ,i believe we are6 ,probably ! reason = x is to give u a h9t t we are immortal1 aft] all1 ?\gh we are tempt$ to ?9k t all ?+s come to an end4 ,x is /range to ?9k t no?+ on :i* our eyes re/ at ?is mom5t is ! same z x 0 :5 we />t$ our walk--! v /ones ( ! wall are alt]$4 ,x ought to make u a%am$ ( pret5d+ t we are any?+ b ourselves2 & yet we d *ange a little1 ?ank ,god1 & = ! bett]4 ,i've a fancy--?\gh ,i c't say m ?an t ( t we ar5't meant to "k any?+3 & ,i ?9k t ! times :5 we "k1 or ?9k we "k1 are ! times :5 we /& /ill4 ,t seems h>d6--he broke (f ) an unusual emotion3 b he 0 himself aga9 9 a mom5t1 & said1 ,i don't "k :y--x's ! wea!r1 p]haps3 b ,i feel incl9$ to d no?+ b ?ank p all day1 l ! man 9 ,happy ,?\ghts y "k1 :o came d[n late = breakfa/ & c\ld say no?+ b ',?anks1 ?anks1 awfully ?anks--?anks 7to ! butl]71 ?anks 7to ! ho/ess7--?anks1 ?anks6' b x means some?+--a real emotion1 ?\gh grotesquely phras$6--,i've enjoy$ ?is bit ( a walk1 my boy6 ,,lxx ,,( ,,weakness ,?is 01 ,i ?9k1 ! la/ talk ,i _h ) ,fa!r ,payne be=e he left u1 s sudd5ly & s quietly1 = 8 la/ enc\nt]4 ,x 0 a calm & sunny day1 ?\gh ! air 0 cold & fre%4 ,i f9i%$ "s "w ,i 0 do+1 a little aft] noonday1 & ,i walk$ d[n ! g>d54 ,i 0 on ! grass1 & turn+ ! corn] ( a t9y ?icket ( yews & hollies1 :]e !re 0 a seclud$ seat fac+ ! s\?1 ,i saw t ,fa!r ,payne 0 sitt+ !re 9 ! sun alone4 ,i came up to him1 & 0 j ab\t to speak1 :5 ,i saw t 8 eyes 7 clos$1 ?\gh 8 lips 7 mov+4 ,he sat 9 an attitude ( fatigue & lassitude1 ,i ?\ght1 ) "o leg cross$ ov] ! o!r & 8 arm /ret*$ out along ! seat-back4 ,i w\ld h /ol5 away aga9 unobs]v$1 :5 he op5$ 8 eyes & saw me2 he gave me "o ( 8 big smiles1 & motion$ to me to come & sit d[n beside him4 ,i did s1 & he put 8 arm ?r\gh m9e4 ,i said some?+ ab\t di/urb+ him1 & he said1 ,n a bit ( x--,i %all be glad ( y\r company1 old boy4 ,pres5tly he said1 ,d y "k :at x is to feel sad8 ,i suppose n4 ,i don't mean tr\bl$ ab\t any?+ 9 p>ticul>--!re's no?+ to be tr\bl$ ab\t--b simply sad1 9 a causeless1 li/less way8 ,yes1 ,i ?9k s1 ,i said4 ,he smil$ at t1 & said1 ,!n y don't "k :at ,i mean1 old man6 ,y w\ld be q sure1 if y _h ev] felt x4 ,i mean a s5se ( feebl5ess & wret*$ness1 z if !re 0 mu* to be done1 & no desire to d x--z if y\r life _h be5 a long mi/ake f beg9n+ to end4 ,( c\rse x is q morbid & unreal1 ,i "k t6 ,x is a temptation ( ! devil1 sure en\gh1 & x is an uncommonly effective "o4 ,he gets inside ! weakness ( our mortal nature1 & tells u t we h come d[n to ! tru? at la/4 ,x's all nons5se1 ( c\rse1 b x's inf]nally +5i\s nons5se4 ,he br+s all ! failures ( ! _w be=e y\r m9d & he>t1 ! ?\ght ( all ! p :o h fall5 by ! roadside & c't get up1 &1 worse /ill1 all ! p :o h lo/ hope & pride1 & don't want to be diff]5t4 ,he po9ts out h[ brief our "t is1 & h[ little we "k :at lies beyond4 ,he %[s u h[ ! /rong & unscrupul\s & cruel p succe$ & h a good "t1 & h[ _m well-mean+1 s5sitive1 muddl$ p come to hopeless grief4 ,oh1 he has a score ( in/ances1 a quiv] full ( poison\s %afts4 ,he 0 sil5t = a m9ute1 & !n he said1 ,old boy1 we won't he$ him1 y & ,i4 ,we'll say1 ',yes1 my de> ,apollyon1 all t is und\bt$ly true4 ,y d a lot ( mis*ief1 b y\r "t is %ort4 ,y w\nd u & disable u--y c ev5 kill u2 b x's a poor policy at be/4 ,y defeat y\rself1 because we slip away & y c't foll[ u4 ,& :5 we are refre%$ & r5ew$1 we w come back1 & g on ) ! battle4' ,t's :at well say1 l old ,sir ,&rew ,b>ton3 ',i'll b lie d[n & ble$ a:ile1 ,& !n ,i'll rise & fight aga94' ,y mu/ nev] m9d be+ defeat$1 old man4 ,y mu/ nev] say t y\r s9s h done = y6 ,i don't c>e :at a man has done1 ,i don't c>e h[ cruel1 wick$1 s5sual1 evil he has be51 if 9 ! bottom ( 8 he>t he c say1 ',i belong to ,god1 aft] all6' ,t's ! la/ & wor/ assault ( ! devil1 :5 he comes & :isp]s to y t y h cut y\rself (f f ,god4 ,y c't d t1 :atev] y feel4 ,i h be5 ?9k+ to-day ( all ! mi/akes ,i h made1 h[ ,i h drift$ along1 h[ ,i h enjoy$ myself1 :5 ,i might h be5 help+ o!r p2 :at a lazy1 gre$y1 ugly bus9ess x has all be51 h[ little ,i h ev] made myself d any?+4 ,b ,i don't c>e4 ,i g /raight to ,god & ,i say1 ',fa!r1 ,i h s9n$ aga9/ ,heav5 & be=e ,!e1 & am no m wor?y to be call$ ,?y son4' ,b ,i am ,8 son1 = all t1 & ,i "k x & ,he kn[s x2 & ,apollyon may /raddle across ! way z mu* z he likes1 b he c't /op me4 ,if he does /op me1 he only s5ds me /raight home4 ,i saw ! te>s /& 9 ,fa!r ,payne's eyes1 & ,i said hurri$ly & eag]ly1 ,:y1 ,fa!r1 y h done s mu*1 = me1 = all ( u1 = ev]yone y h ev] _h to d )4 ,don't speak s2 x isn't true1 x hasn't be5 a failure4 ,y are ! only p]son ,i h met :o has %[$ me :at goodness really is4 ,fa!r ,payne press$ my arm1 b he did n speak = a mom5t4 ,y are v good to me1 old man1 he said 9 a mom5t4 ,i 0 n try+ to get a te/imonial out ( y1 y "k2 & ( c\rse y c't judge h[ f> ,i h fall5 %ort ( all ,i might h done4 ,b y\r affection & y\r k9dness are v preci\s to me4 ,y give me a message f ,god6 ,x matt]s little h[ ne> ! tru? y are or h[ f> away4 ,god doesn't ?9k ( t4 ,he isn't a h>d reckon]2 ,he's only glad :5 we return to ,him1 & put d[n our tir$ head ^u ,8 %\ld] = a little4 ,b ev5 s1 t isn't ! end4 ,z soon z we are /rong aga91 we mu/ beg9 aga94 ,!re's pl5ty left to d4 ,! battle isn't ov] because y or ,i are tir$4 ,he is tir$ ,himself1 ,i d>e say4 ,b x all goes on1 & !re is victory ahead4 ,don't =get t1 de> boy4 ,x's no good be+ he>t-brok5 or worn out4 ,rise & fight aga9 z soon z y c4 ,i'm q ready--,i hav5't _h en\gh4 ,i h _h an easy po/1 ,i don't d5y t4 ,i h suff]$ v little1 z suff]+ goes2 & ,i'm grateful = t2 b we mu/n't fall 9 love ) re/4 ,if we sleep1 x is only t we may rise refre%$1 & g (f aga9 s++4 ,we mu/n't be afraid ( weakness & suff]+1 & we mu/n't be afraid ( joy & /r5g? ei!r4 ,t's trea*]y1 y "k4 ,pres5tly he said1 ,n[ y mu/ leave me "h a little6 ,y came 9 ! nick ( "t1 & y br\ght me a message4 ,x always comes1 if y ask = x6 ,& ,i %all say a pray] = ! ,little ,ma/] himself1 z ,s9tram call$ him1 be=e ,i g4 ,he has 8 po9ts1 y "k4 ,he is uncommonly %rewd & t5aci\s & brave4 ,he's fight+ = 8 life1 & ,i pity him :5ev] he suspects--& x mu/ be pretty (t5--t ?+s are n go+ 8 way4 ,i don't despair ( ! old fell[ himself1 if ,i may say s4 ,i suspect him ( a s5se ( hum\r4 ,i c't help ?9k+ he w capitulate & cut 8 losses "s day1 & !n we %all get ?+s "r 9 a trice4 ,he w be conqu]$1 & p]haps conv9c$2 b he won't be us$ v9dictively1 :atev] happ5s4 ,my k ( t1 & ( ! fact t he has got defeat ahead ( him1 & kn[s x1 is ! be/ def5ce aga9/ him1 ev5 :5 x is 8 h\r1 & ! p[] ( d>kness1 z x has be5 to-day4 ,i got up & left him2 he smil$ at me & wav$ 8 h&4 ,,lxxi ,,! ,,bank ,,( ,,! ,,riv] ,! week pass$ )\t any?+ fur!r occurr+ to ar\se our anxieties1 & ,fa!r ,payne w5t up to t[n on ! ,monday3 he w5t (f 9 app>5tly good spirits3 b we got a wire 9 ! c\rse ( ! day to say t he 0 deta9$ 9 t[n by bus9ess & w\ld write4 ,on ! foll[+ morn+1 ,b>?rop came into my room 9 sil5ce1 %ortly aft] breakfa/1 & h&$ me a lett] )\t a ^w4 ,x 0 v %ort3 x ran z foll[s3 ,,de> ,,leon>d1--,i want y to come up to t[n to-morr[ to see me1 & if ,duncan c>es to come1 ,i %all be delight$ to see him too1 ?\gh ,i "k he has an arti/ic objection to see+ p :o are ill1 & ,i und]/& t ,i am ill4 ,i saw a doctor ye/]day1 & he advis$ me to see a speciali/1 :o advis$ me to h an op]ation4 ,x seems bett] to get x ov] at once2 s ,i w5t )\t delay into a nurs+ home1 :]e ,i feel l a *ild 9 ! nurs]y aga94 ,i want to talk ov] matt]s1 & x w be bett] to say no?+ :i* w cause a fuss4 ,s j run up to-morr[1 !re's a good man1 & y c get back 9 ! ev5+4 ,ev] y\rs1 ,c4,p4 ,x happ5$ t !re 7 only two ( u at ,aveley at ! "t1 ,kaye1 & a y\ng] man1 ,rav51 :o _h j jo9$4 ,we det]m9$ to say no?+ ab\t x till ! foll[+ morn+3 ! day pass$ heavily en\gh4 ,i f\nd ,i c\ld d no?+ ) ! dread ( :at x might all mean ov]hang+ me4 ,i admir$ ,b>?rop's common-s5se3 he sp5t ! day1 he told me1 9 do+ acc\nts--he act$ z a sort ( burs>--& he kept up a quiet conv]sation at d9n] 9 :i* ,i confess ,i play$ a v poor "p4 ,kaye nev] notic$ any?+1 & _h no curiosity1 & ,rav5 _h no suspicion ( any?+ unusual4 ,i slept ill t night1 & f\nd myself 9 a v mu* depress$ mood on ! foll[+ morn+4 ,i realis$ at e mom5t h[ entirely ev]y?+ at ,aveley 0 c5tr$ ^u ,fa!r ,payne1 & h[ he 0 bo? 9 ! =egr\nd z well z 9 ! backgr\nd ( all t we did or ?\ght4 ,our j\rney pass$ almo/ 9 sil5ce1 & we drove /raight to ! nurs+ home 9 ,mayfair4 ,we 7 admitt$ to a little wait+-room 9 a bright1 fre%-look+ h\se1 & 7 pres5tly greet$ by a g5ial & mo!rly old lady1 dress$ 9 a sort ( nurs+ uni=m1 :o told u t ,mr4 ,payne 0 expect+ u4 ,we ask$ anxi\sly h[ he 04 ,oh1 he is v *e]ful1 %e said2 8 nurse1 ,si/] ,jane1 ?9ks he is ! mo/ amus+ man %e ev] saw4 ,y mu/ n worry ab\t him4 ,! op]ation is to be on ,friday--he seems v well & /rong 9 himself1 & we w soon h him all "r aga9--y w see6 ,he is j ! sort ( man to make a good recov]y4 ,!n %e add$1 ,mr4 ,payne said he ?\ght y w\ld l to see ! doctor1 s he is go+ to look 9 "h 9 half an h\r f n[--he w see ,mr4 ,payne fir/1 & !n y c h a good talk to him4 ,y are go+ back ?is aft]noon1 ,i ?9k8 ,t dep5ds6 said ,b>?rop4 ,oh1 ,mr4 ,payne is expect+ y to g back1 ,i "k--we w j run up & see him n[4 ,we w5t up two flights ( /airs3 ! matron knock$ at a door 9 ! passage1 & we w5t 94 ,fa!r ,payne 0 sitt+ up 9 b$1 9 a sort ( blue wrapp] :i* gave him1 ,i ?\ght1 a curi\sly mona/ic air--he 0 read+ quietly4 ,! room 0 l>ge & airy1 & look$ out on ! backs ( tall h\ses3 x 0 quiet en\gh3 !re 0 j a f>-(f murmur ( ! t[n 9 ! air4 ,he greet$ u ) mu* animation1 & smil$ at me4 ,x's good ( y to come1 ,i'm sure1 he said1 ) y\r feel+ ab\t ill p4 ,i don't object to t1 he add$ 9 ! famili> mann]4 ,i ?9k x's a sign ( heal?1 y "k6 ,we sat d[n beside him4 ,n[1 said ,fa!r ,payne1 don't let's h any grave looks or hu%$ voices--y rememb] :at ,ba9es told u1 :5 he jo9$ ! ,*ur* ( ,rome1 t :5 he got back aft] 8 reception1 8 fri5ds all spoke to him z if he _h _h a s]i\s illness4 ,! matt] is simple en\gh--& ,i'm go+ to speak pla9ly4 ,i h got "s int]nal mis*ief1 some?+ t ob/ructs ! passages1 & x has got to be remov$4 ,!re's a risk1 ( c\rse--!y nev] c tell exactly :at !y w f9d1 b !y don't ?9k x has gone too f> to be rem$i$4 ,i don't pret5d to l x--9 fact x's decid$ly inconv5i5t4 ,i l my own little plans z well z anyone6 & ?is "t ,i don't seem able to look ahead--!re's a sort ( wall ahead ( me4 ,i feel z if ,i _h come1 l ! boy 9 ! ,wat] ,babies1 to ! place :i* 0 call$ ,/op6 ,he paus$ a mom5t & smil$ on u1 8 big good-natur$ smile4 ,b if ,i put my head out ( ! o!r end ( ! tunnel1 ,i %all g on z usual4 ,if ,i don't1 !n ,i _h bett] tell y :at ,i h done4 ,y "k ,i h no ne> relations4 ,! noble family ( ,payne is practically summ$ up 9 me4 ,! ,vic>'s a sort ( c\s91 b a v dilut$ "o4 ,i h arrang$ by my w t if y two fell[s ?9k y c keep ! place go+ on its pres5t l9es1 y c h a try4 ,b ,i don't ?9k x w d1 ,i ?9k x w be artificial & possibly ridicul\s4 ,i don't ?9k x has got life6 ,& if y decide n to try1 !n x w all g to my old ,college1 :i* is q alive4 ,i w\ld r !y w\ld n sell x--b bless me1 :at does x matt]8 ,x is a mi/ake to try & grip any?+ ) a dead h&4 ,b if ,i get ?r\gh1 & ,i believe ,i h a good *ance ( do+ s1 y mu/ j keep ?+s go+ till ,i get back--:i* won't be long4 ,!re's ! case 9 a nut%ell6 ,y q und]/&8 ,i don't want y to d :at y ?9k ,i %\ld wi%1 because ,i don't wi%4 ,& n[ we won't say ano!r ^w ab\t x1 unless !re are any que/ions y w\ld l to ask4 ,by ! way1 ,i h arrang$ ! programme = ! day4 ,! doctor is com+ to see me pres5tly1 & :ile he is "h y c h "s lun*--!y w see to t--& !n y c h a talk to him1 :ile ,i h my lun*--,i c tell y !y d fe$ me up "h6--& !n we w h a talk1 & y c cat* ! #d4cj4 ,y "k h[ ,i l plann+ out a day4 ,b we ?\ght we w\ld l to /ay 9 t[n1 & see x all ?r\gh1 said ,b>?rop4 ,we h br\ght up "s ?+s4 ,/uff & nons5se6 said ,fa!r ,payne 9 8 old mann]4 ,back y g by ! #d4cj1 ?+s & all6 ,i h got ! be/ nurse 9 ! _w1 ,si/] ,jane4 ,by ,george1 x's a treat explor+ t woman's m9d4 ,%e's full ( k9dness & common s5se & c\rage1 )\t a gra9 ( reason4 ,!re's no?+ 9 ! _w t woman w\ldn't d1 & no?+ %e w\ldn't believe--%e's entirely m$iaeval4 ,!n ,i h "s books3 & ,i'm go+ to read & talk & play pati5ce--,i'm q good at t already--& eat & dr9k & sleep4 ,i'm n to be di/urb$1 ,i tell y6 ,to-morr[ is a complete holiday3 & on ,friday ! great ev5t comes (f4 ,i won't h any useless emotion1 or any b$side ?\ghts6 ,he glanc$ at u smil+ & said1 ,oh1 ( c\rse1 my de> boys1 ,i'm only jok+4 ,i "k y w\ld l to /ay1 & ,i w\ld l to h y "h well en\gh3 b see "h--if all goes well1 :at's ! use ( ?is drama8--p c't behave q naturally1 h[ev] mu* !y w\ld l to1 & ,i don't want any melt+ looks3 & if x goes ! o!r way--well1 ,i don't l good-byes4 ,i agree ) de> old ,mrs4 ,b>bauld3 ',say n ,good-night1 b 9 "s bright] clime ,bid me ,good-morn+4' ,he 0 sil5t = a mom5t--& j at t mom5t ! doctor arriv$4 ,we w5t (f to lun* ) ! old matron1 :o talk$ *e]fully ab\t ?+s 9 g5]al3 & x 0 /range to feel t :at 0 to u s deep a trag$y 0 to h] j a famili> exp]i5ce1 a ?+ t happ5$ day by day4 ,!n ! doctor came 91 a tall1 ?91 pale1 unemb>rass$ man1 v frank & simple4 ,yes1 he said1 !re's a risk--,i don't d5y t6 ,"o nev] kn[s exactly :at ! mis*ief is or h[ f> x ext5ds4 ,i told ,mr4 ,payne exactly :at ,i ?\ght4 ,he is ! sort ( man to :om "o c d t4 ,b he is /rong1 he has liv$ a heal?y life1 he has a great vitality--ev]y?+ is 9 8 fav\r4 ,h[ long has he seem$ to be ill1 by ! way8 ,"s ?ree or f\r mon?s1 ,i ?9k1 said ,b>?rop4 ,b x is difficult :5 y see anyone e day to realise a *ange--& !n he is always *e]ful4 ,he is1 said ! doctor4 ,i nev] saw a bett] pati5t4 ,he told me 8 symptoms l a doctor describ+ someone else's case1 ,i nev] he>d any?+ s imp]sonal6 ,we manag$ to cat* ,dr4 ,angus--t's ! speciali/1 y "k1 :o w op]ate4 ,mr4 ,payne wasn't 9 ! lea/ flurri$4 ,he %[$ no sign ( be+ surpris$3 we s5t him 9 "h at once1 & he seems to h made fri5ds ) ev]yone4 ,t's all to ! good1 ( c\rse4 ,he's n a n]v\s subject4 ,no1 he add$ reflectively1 he has an excell5t *ance ( recov]y4 ,b ,i %\ld deceive y if ,i pret5d$ !re 0 no risk4 ,!re is a risk1 & we mu/ hope = ! be/4 ,by ! way1 g5tlem51 he add$1 tak+ up 8 hat1 ,i hope y won't ?9k ( /ay+ 9 t[n4 ,mr4 ,payne seems mo/ anxi\s t y %\ld g back1 & ,i ?9k 8 wi% %\ld be p>am\nt4 ,y c d no?+ "h1 & ,i ?9k y\r rema9+ w\ld fret him4 ,i won't attempt to dictate1 b ,i feel t y w\ld d well to g6 ,oh1 yes1 we w g1 said ,b>?rop4 ,y w let u "k h[ all goes8 ,( c\rse6 said ! doctor4 ,y %all he> at once6 ,we w5t back1 & sp5t an h\r ) ,fa!r ,payne4 ,i %all nev] =get t h\r3 he talk$ on quietly1 see+ t we 7 unable to d our "p4 ,he spoke ab\t ! m5 & _! "w1 & gave pleasant1 half-humor\s summ>ies ( _! *>act]s4 ,he gave u "s little rem9isc5ces ( 8 life 9 ,london2 he talk$ ab\t ! villag]s at ,aveley1 & ! s]vants4 ,i realis$ aft]w>ds t he _h spok5 a few words ab\t e s+le p]son 9 ! circle1 small or great4 ,! "t sp$ pa/1 & pres5tly !y told u t our cab 0 at ! door1 ,n[ don't make me ?9k y are go+ to miss ! tra91 old boys6 said ,fa!r ,payne1 rais+ himself up to %ake h&s4 ,i h enjoy$ ! sight ( y4 ,give !m all my love3 be good & wise6 ,god bless y bo?6 ,he %ook h&s ) ,b>?rop & ) me1 & ,i felt ! s(t t\* ( 8 firm h&1 z ,i _h done at our fir/ meet+4 ,b>?rop did n speak1 & w5t hurri$ly f ! room1 )\t look+ r\nd4 ,i c\ld n help x1 b ,i b5t d[n & kiss$ 8 h&4 ,well1 well6 he said indulg5tly1 & gave me a mo/ t5d] & beautiful look out ( 8 big eyes1 & !n he m5tion$ to me to g4 ,i w5t 9 sil5ce4 ,we felt1 bo? ( u1 a premonition ( ! wor/ disa/]4 ,i knew 9 my he>t t x 0 ! end4 ,x seem$ to me *>act]i/ic ( ,fa!r ,payne to make 8 f>ewells simply1 & )\t any dramatic emphasis4 ,! way 9 :i* he _h spok5 ( all 8 fri5ds1 9 t la/ h\r we sp5t ) him1 _h be5 a s]ies ( adieux1 & ev5 z ,i recall$ 8 words1 !y seem$ to me to %ape !mselves into unspok5 messages4 ,8 own calmness _h be5 unmi/akable1 & 0 m>vell\s to me2 b x 0 all ! m impressive because he did n1 z "o has read 9 "s ( ! well-kn[n sc5es record$ 9 hi/ory ( ! dea?s ( fam\s m51 seem to be attempt+ to say any?+ memorable or magnanim\s4 ,:at c ,i say t w be wor?y ( myself8--t "q appe>s to me to be sometimes lurk+ 9 ! m9ds ( m5 :o h play$ a great "p 9 ! _w1 & :o are det]m9$ to play x to ! end4 ,x is1 ( c\rse a noble sort ( c\rage :i* enables a man1 at ! v ?re%old ( dea?1 to =ce himself to behave ) dignity & gr&eur3 b x seem$ to me n[ to be an ev5 m supreme c\rage to be1 z ,fa!r ,payne 01 simply himself4 ,sir ,walt] ,raleigh1 ,sir ,?omas ,m1 ,*>les ,,ii1 ,ar*bi%op ,laud all di$ ) a real greatness ( undismay$ brav]y1 b ) j a s5se ( enact+ a "p rehe>s$4 ,! dea? sc5e ( ,socrates1 :i* is1 ,i suppose1 a romantically con/ruct$ tale1 does inde$ give a picture ( p]fect naturalness3 & ,i ?\ght t ,fa!r ,payne's demean\r1 l t ( ,socrates1 %[$ cle>ly en\gh t ! idea ( dea? 0 n an ov]%ad[+ dread dispell$ by an ef=t ( ! w1 b t x 0 n pres5t z a fe> 9 8 m9d at all1 & r reg>d$ ) a rev]5t curiosity3 & ,i 0 rem9d$ ( a say+ ( ,fa!r ,payne's :i* ,i h else:]e record$1 t ! virtues to :i* we give our mo/ unhesitat+ admiration are ! in/9ctive virtues r ?an ! reason$ virtues4 ,if ,fa!r ,payne _h appe>$ to be keep+ a firm hold on himself1 & to be oblig+ himself to speak ?+s timely & fitt+1 ,i %\ld h admir$ him deeply3 b ,i admir$ him all ! m because ( 8 unaffect$ tranquillity & unutt]$ affection4 ,he _h j envelop$ u 9 8 own calmness1 & gone /raight =w>d4 ,we made our j\rney almo/ 9 sil5ce3 ,b>?rop 0 too mu* mov$ to speak3 & my own m9d 0 dim ) tr\ble1 at all t we 7 to lose1 & yet drawn away into an inf9ite loyalty & t5d]ness = "o :o _h be5 m ?an a fa!r to me4 ,,lxxii ,,! ,,cross+ ,! end is soon told4 ,on ! foll[+ day1 we ?\ght x be/ to tell our two companions & ! ,vic> :at 0 happ5+1 & we also told ! old butl] t ,fa!r ,payne 0 ill4 ,x 0 a day ( inf9ite dre>9ess to me1 ) outbur/s ( %>p emotion at ! sight ( ev]y?+ s closely connect$ ) ,fa!r ,payne1 & ) ! ?\ght t he w\ld see !m no m4 ,i 0 sitt+ 9 my room on ! ,friday morn+1 aft] a sleepless night1 :5 ,b>?rop came 9 & h&$ me a telegram f ! doctor4 ,mr4 ,payne nev] recov]$ consci\sness1 & di$ an h\r aft] ! op]ation4 ,all details arrang$4 ,please await lett]4 ,i rais$ my eyes to ,b>?rop's face1 b saw t he c\ld n speak4 ,i c\ld say no?+ ei!r3 my m9d & he>t seem$ to crumble sudd5ly into a hopeless despair4 ,a lett] rea*$ u ! same ev5+ by tra94 ,x 0 to ! effect t ,fa!r ,payne _h writt5 d[n "s exact directions ! day be=e & giv5 !m to ! matron4 ,he did n wi%1 9 case ( 8 dea?1 t anyone %\ld see 8 body3 he wi%$ to be plac$ 9 ! simple/ ( c(f9s1 z soon z possible1 & t ! c(f9 %\ld be s5t d[n by tra9 to ,aveley1 be tak5 f ! /ation /raight to ! *ur*1 & if possible to be buri$ at once4 ,b ev5 s1 t 0 only 8 wi%1 & he p>ticul>ly desir$ to avoid alike all c]emony & inconv5i5ce4 ,b besides t !re 7 two notes enclos$ address$ 9 ,fa!r ,payne's h& to ,b>?rop & myself1 :i* ran z foll[s3 ,my de> ,leon>d1--,i ?\ght x v good ( y to come up to see me1 & no less good ( y to g away z ,i desir$4 ,x is possible1 ( c\rse1 t ,i may return to y1 & all be z be=e4 ,b to be frank1 ,i d n ?9k x w be s4 ,ev5 if ,i survive1 ,i %all1 ,i ?9k1 be mu* weak5$ by ?is op]ation1 & %all h ! possibility ( a recurr5ce ( ! disease hang+ ov] me4 ,mu* z ,i love life1 & ! _w :]e ,i h f\nd x pleasant to live1 ,i d n want to lead a brok5 sort ( exi/5ce1 ) invalid precautions & limitations4 ,i ?9k t ?is w\ld br+ out all t is wor/ 9 me1 & w\ld lead to unhapp9ess bo? 9 myself & 9 all ^? ab\t me4 ,if x has to be s1 ,i %all d my be/1 b ,i ?9k x w\ld be a discr$itable p]=mance4 ,i d n1 h[ev]1 ?9k t ,i %all h ?is trial laid ^u me4 ,i feel t ,i am summon$ else:]e1 & ,i am glad to ?9k t my passage w be a swift "o4 ,i am n afraid ( :at lies beyond1 because ,i believe dea? to be simple & natural en\gh1 & a p]fectly def9ite ?+4 ,( :at lies beyond x1 ,i c =m no idea2 all our !ories are probably q wide ( ! m>k4 ,b x w be ! same = me z x has be5 = all o!rs :o h di$1 & z x w "s day be = y2 & :5 we "k1 we %all be surpris$ t we did n see :at x w\ld be4 ,i confess t ,i love ! ?+s t ,i "k1 & dislike ! unkn[n4 ,! _w is v de> & famili>1 & x has be5 k9d & beautiful to me1 z well z full ( int]e/4 ,b ,i expect t ?+s w be mu* simplifi$4 ,& please be> ?is 9 m9d1 t su* a sc5e :i* we w5t ?r\gh ye/]day is worse = ^? :o /& by & c d no?+ ?an = ! man himself2 & y w believe me :5 ,i say t ,i am nei!r afraid nor unhappy4 ,) reg>d to my wi%es ab\t ! place be+ kept on1 on its pres5t l9es1 rememb] t x is only a wi%1 & n to be reg>d$ z a b9d+ obligation or und]tak5 aga9/ y\r judgm5t4 ,i tru/ y fully 9 ?is1 z ,i h always tru/$ y2 & ,i w j ?ank y1 once & = all1 = all t y h done & be54 ,i %all always ?9k ( y ) deep gratitude & la/+ affection4 ,god bless y n[ & always4 ,y\r old fri5d1 ,,*>les ,,payne4 ,to me he _h writt53 ,my de> boy1--,please read my lett] to ,b>?rop1 :i* is meant = y z well4 ,i won't repeat myself--y "k ,i dislike t4 ,b ,i w\ld l j to say t y h be5 m l a son to me ?an anyone ,i ev] h kn[n1 & ,i ?ank ,god = br++ y into my life1 & = all y\r k9d & fai?ful affection4 ,y mu/ j g on z y h begun2 & ,i c only say t if ,i /ill h any k ( :at goes on 9 ! _w1 my affection & int]e/ w n fail2 & if ,i h n1 ,i %all believe t we %all /ill f9d ea* o!r aga91 & rejoice 9 mutual k & confid5ce4 ,y are v de> to me1 & always w be4 ,settle ev]y?+ ) ,leon>d4 ,i "k t y w be able to int]pret my wi%es z ,i %\ld wi% !m to be int]pret$4 ,y\r affectionate old fri5d1 ,c4 ,,payne4 ,! la/ act 0 simple en\gh4 ,! prep>ations 7 soon made4 ,! c(f9 arriv$ at midday1 & 0 buri$ 9 ! aft]noon1 betwe5 ! *ur* & ! ,hall4 ,x 0 sad & beautiful to see ! he>tfelt grief ( ! villag]s3 & x 0 wond]ful to me t at t mom5t ,i recov]$ a k9d ( s]5ity on ! surface ( ! grief bel[1 s t 9 ! /ill aft]noon z we walk$ away f ! grave x seem$ to me /range r ?an sorr[ful4 ,) ^? la/ lett]s 9 m9d1 x seem$ to me almo/ traitor\s to m\rn4 ,he at lea/ _h 8 he>t's desire1 & ,i did n d\bt t he 0 abundantly satisfi$4 ,,lxxiii ,,aft]-,,?\ghts ,b>?rop & ,i decid$ t we c\ld n hope to cont9ue ! s*eme4 ,we _h nei!r ! =ce nor ! exp]i5ce4 ,! :ole society 01 we felt1 j ! expression ( ,fa!r ,payne's p]sonality1 & )\t x1 x _h nei!r /ability nor significance4 ,b>?rop & ! ,vic> 7 left money legacies3 ! s]vants all receiv$ little p5sions3 !re 0 a sum = di/ribution 9 ! village1 & a fund end[$ to meet c]ta9 practical ne$s ( ! place4 ,we h&$ ov] ! e/ate to ,fa!r ,payne's old ,college1 ! furniture & pictures to g ) ! h\se1 :i* 0 to be let1 if possible1 to a t5ant :o w\ld be incl9$ to settle !re & make x 8 home3 ! income ( ! e/ate 0 to provide travell+ s*ol>%ips4 ,all _h be5 c>efully ?\ght out ) mu* practical s5se & insight4 ,our o!r two companions w5t away4 ,b>?rop & ,i /ay$ on at ! ,hall toge!r = "s weeks to settle ! f9al arrangem5ts4 ,we _h "s wond]fully t\*+ lett]s f old pupils & fri5ds ( ,fa!r ,payne's4 ,"o 9 p>ticul>1 say+ t ! writ] ow$ an inf9ite debt ( gratitude to ,fa!r ,payne1 = hav+ sav$ him f himself & giv5 him a new life4 ,we talk$ mu* ( ,fa!r ,payne 9 ^? days2 & ,i w5t alone to all ! places :]e ,i _h walk$ ) him1 recall+ m gratefully ?an sadly h[ he _h look$ & mov$ & talk$ & smil$4 ,x came to ! la/ night t we 7 to sp5d at ! ,hall toge!r4 ,ev]y?+ _h be5 gone ?r\gh & arrang$1 & we 7 glad1 ,i ?9k1 to be dep>t+4 ,i don't "k :at to say & ?9k ab\t x all1 said ,b>?rop2 ,i feel at pres5t q lo/ & /r&$1 z if my motive = liv+ 7 gone1 & z if ,i c\ld h>dly take up my "w aga94 ,i "k x is wrong1 & ,i am a%am$ ( x4 ,fa!r ,payne always said t we mu/ n dep5d helplessly ^u p]sons or in/itutions1 b mu/ f9d our own real life & live x--y rememb]8 ,yes1 ,i said1 inde$ ,i d rememb]6 ,b ,i d n ?9k he ev] realis$ q h[ /rong he 01 & h[ he affect$ ^? ab\t him4 ,he did n ne$ u--,i sometimes ?9k he did n ne$ anyone--& he cr$it$ ev]yone ) liv+ ! same int5t life t he liv$4 ,b ,i %all always be inf9itely grateful to him = %[+ me j t--t "o mu/ live "o's own life1 ?r\gh & 9 spite ( ev]y?+ griev\s t happ5s4 ,! temptation is to indulge grief1 & to feel t collapse 9 su* a case is a sign ( loyalty4 ,x isn't s--if "o collapses1 x only means t "o has be5 liv+ an artificial & p>asitical life4 ,fa!r ,payne w\ld h hat$ t--& ,i don't mean to d x4 ,he has giv5 me n only an example1 b an inspiration--a real curr5t ( life has fl[$ into my life f 8--or p]haps r ?r\gh 8 f "s deep] orig94 ,t is s1 said ,b>?rop1 t is p]fectly true6 & don't y rememb] too h[ he always said life mu/ be a real fight--a jo9+ 9 ! fight t 0 go+ =w>ds8 ,x ne$ n be wrangl+ or disput+1 or f9d+ fault ) o!r p1 or ma9ta9+ & confut+4 ,he us$ to say t p f\ght 9 a hundr$ ways--) _! hum\r1 _! companionabl5ess1 _! k9dness1 _! fri5dl9ess--x ne$ n be viol5t1 & inde$ if x 0 viol5t1 t 0 fight+ on ! wrong side--x _h only to be calm & s9c]e & dutiful4 ,did he say t8 ,i said4 ,yes1 ,i am sure he did--no "o else c\ld say x or ?9k ( x4 ,( c\rse1 we h to fight1 b n by deal+ injury & h>m1 b by seek+ & foll[+ peace & goodwill4 ,well1 we mu/ try--& x may be t we %all f9d him aga91 ?\gh he is hidd5 = a little :ile ) ,god4 ,yes1 said ,b>?rop1 we %all f9d him1 or he w f9d u--x makes little diff]5ce3 & he w always be ! same1 ?\gh ,i hope we may be diff]5t6 ,,lxxiv ,,dep>ture ,x 0 a s(t & delici\s spr+ morn+ :5 ,i left ,aveley--& ,i h nev] _h ! he>t to visit x aga94 ,i _h _h a sleepless night1 ) ! ?\ght ( ,fa!r ,payne cont9ually 9 my m9d4 ,i saw him 9 a score ( attitudes1 z he loit]$ 9 ! g>d5 ) t look ( inexpressible & t5d] int]e/ t he _h = all t grew out ( ! e>?--wor%ipp+1 ,i us$ to ?9k1 at ! %r9e ( life--or z he sat rapt 9 ?\ght 9 *ur*1 or z he /rode beside me along ! upl&s1 or z he came & w5t 9 a hurri$ ab/raction1 or z he argu$ & discuss$1 ) 8 great animat$ smile & 8 quick little ge/ures4 ,i felt h[ 8 p]sonality _h fill$ our lives to ! brim1 z a spr+ ^: wat]s fail n4 ,x 0 n t he 0 a p]fect "*1 ) a tranquil & ef=tless sup]iority1 or ) a high intellectual t5acity1 or ) an unruffl$ s]5ity4 ,he 0 s5sitive1 impati5t1 fitful1 prejudic$4 ,he _h little con/ructive capacity1 no creative or dramatic p[]1 no l(t9ess ( tragic emotion4 ,i knew all t2 ,i did n reg>d him ) a false or uncritical rev]5ce4 ,b he 0 vital1 g5]\s1 ri* 9 ze/ & joy1 h]oic1 z no o!r man ,i _h ev] kn[n4 ,he _h no petty ambition1 no ?ir/ = recognition1 no acidity ( judgm5t4 ,he nev] s\ght to impress himself3 b 8 0 a l>ge1 affectionate1 lib]al nature1 m responsive to life1 m lavi% ( self1 m dis9t]e/$ ?an any human be+ t _h cross$ my pa?4 ,he _h nev] desir$ to make disciples--he 0 n self-confid5t or self-reg>d+ en\gh = t4 ,b he _h cont9u$ to draw u all ) him into a vortex ( life1 :]e ! /ream ran swiftly1 & :]e x seem$ disgraceful to be ei!r li/less or unconc]n$4 ,i bless$ ! k9dly fate t _h guid$ me to him1 & _h won = me 8 deep reg>d4 ,i did n wi% to copy or imitate him--he _h infect$ me ) a deep di/ru/ = dep5d5ce--,i only wi%$ to live my own life 9 ! same eag] _s4 ,z he _h said to me once1 ! motto = e man 0 to be ,amor ,fati--n a reluctant acquiesc5ce1 or a feeble optimism1 or a g5tle resignation1 b a passion = "o's own de/9y1 a deep desire to make ! mo/ & ! be/ out ( life1 & a /rong purpose to %>e "o's be/ ) all :o 7 j\rney+ at "o's side4 ,s ! night pass$1 ?ick ) recollections & regrets1 deep5+ into a horror ( loss & d>kness1 & !n sl[ly bright5+ into ! calm prelude ( a day ( f>ewell4 ,! birds began to *irp & twitt] 9 ! ivy2 ! ?ru% utt]$ h] long-drawn notes1 sweetly repeat$ & su/a9$ 9 ! dusky bu%es4 ,t s\nd 0 mu* connect$ 9 my m9d ) ,aveley4 ,to be awak5$ ?us 9 ! summ] dawn1 to li/5 a:ile to ! delici\s s\nd1 to fall asleep aga9 ) ! ?\ght ( ! long pleasant day ( "w & fri5d%ip ahead ( me1 _h be5 "o ( my greate/ luxuries4 ,i rose e>ly1 & made my la/ prep>ations1 & !n1 hav+ got a little "t be=e ! la/ meal ,i 0 to take ) ,b>?rop1 ,i w5t r\nd ab\t ! g>d5 ) a desire to draw into my _s = ! la/ "t ! pure & happy atmosph]e ( ! place4 ,i saw ! b$s fr+$ ) purple polyan?us1 & ! daffodils 9 ! dewy grass4 ,i gaz$ at ! long l9es ( ! l[ hills across ! /ream1 ) ! woodl& spaces all flu%$ ) spr+4 ,i he>d ! caw+ ( ! rooks 9 ! s(t air1 & ! bubbl+ song ( ! *aff9*es fill$ ! %rubb]ies4 ,i knew ! mood ( old--! mood 9 :i*1 aft] a holiday soj\rn 9 "s place :i* "o has le>n$ to love1 a happy space ( "t /a9$ by no base anxiety1 %ad[$ by no calamity1 ! call to rejo9 ! r\t9e ( life makes itself he>d half reluctantly1 half ard5tly4 ,! he>t at su* mom5ts tries to be grateful )\t regret1 & hopeful )\t indiff]5ce4 ,! purpose to g1 ! desire to /ay1 wre/le toge!r2 & n[ at ! end ( ! happie/ & mo/ fruitful p]iod ,i _h ev] kn[n or 0 ev]1 ,i ?\ght1 likely to "k1 ,i felt l ,jacob wre/l+ ) ! angel till ! break+ ( ! day1 & cry+ out1 half 9 weakness1 half 9 /r5g?1 ,i w n let !e g until ?\ bless me4 ,x came1 ! sudd5 bless+ :i* ,i desir$4 ,x fell l "s full w>m %[] ^u ! ?ir/y e>?4 ,9 t mom5t ,i _h ! blissful in/9ct :i* _h be=e be5 b a reason$ conviction1 t ,fa!r ,payne 0 ne> me1 ) me1 ab\t me1 enfold+ me ) a swift t5d]ness1 & yet at ! same "t po9t+ me =w>d1 bidd+ me cle>ly & almo/1 x seem$1 petulantly1 to dis5gage myself f all dep5d5ce ^u himself or 8 example4 ,he _h o!r ?+s to d1 ,i felt ) some?+ l a smile1 ?an to hov] ov] me & haunt my pa? ) t5d]ness4 ,su* weakness ( s5tim5t 0 wor?y nei!r ( himself nor ( myself4 ,i _h all ! _w be=e me1 & ,i 0 to take my "p 9 x ) _s & ev5 gaiety4 ,to %r9k into ! %ad[1 to live 9 te>ful retrospect--x 0 n to be ?\ght (2 & ,i _h 9 t mom5t a gl[ ( ?ankful en]gy :i* made light ( grief & pa9 alike4 ,i mu/ take hold ( life in/antly & ) bo? h&s4 ,i saw x 9 a sudd5 fla% ( light4 ,i w5t to ! *ur*y>d1 ,i /ood = an in/ant beside ! grave1 n[ turf$ ov] & plant$ ) daffodils4 ,i put aside f my he>t1 once & = all1 ! old wi/ful in/9ct :i* ties ! liv+ to ! dead4 ,! poor body t lay !re1 du/ 9 du/1 _h no m to d ) ,fa!r ,payne ?an ! /a9$ c&le-socket ) ! flame t _h leapt away ^u ! air4 ,t 0 a mom5t ( true & c]ta9 joy2 s t :5 ,i w5t back to ! h\se & jo9$ ,b>?rop1 ,i felt no long] ! uneasy quiv]+ ( ! _s :i* _h long ov]ma/]$ me4 ,he too 0 calm & brave2 we sat toge!r = ! la/ "t1 we talk$ ) an unaffect$ *e]fulness ( ! future4 ,he too1 ,i saw1 _h exp]i5c$ ! same loos5+ ( ! _s f its trivial bonds1 de> & beautiful z !y 71 s long z "o did n hug !m close4 ,i nev] ?\ght1 he said to me at la/1 to g light-he>t$ly away--& yet ,i c d ev5 t6 ,i h he>d some?+1 ,i c h>dly say :at1 :i* tells me to g =w>d1 n to hank]1 n to look back--& :i* tells me be/ ( all t x w\ld be almo/ l trea*]y to wi% ! ,fa!r back aga94 ,x is bett] s6 ,i say ?is1 he w5t on1 n ) resignation1 n ) a mild desire to make ! be/ ( a bad bus9ess1 b ) a s]5e c]ta9ty t x is n a bad bus9ess at all4 ,i _c tell :]e x is gone1 ! cl\d t has oppress$ me--b x is gone1 & x w n come back4 ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i recognise t--,i feel x too2 our "w "h is done1 & we h "w wait+ = u4 ,we %all meet1 we %all comp>e exp]i5ces1 we %all love our fate4 ,life is to be a new que/1 n an old wor%ip4 ,t is to be our loyalty to ,fa!r ,payne1 t we are to believe 9 life1 & n only to believe 9 memory4 ,x 0 soon ov]4 ,b>?rop 0 to g lat]1 & he came out to see me g4 ,j be=e ,i />t$1 ! old clock play$ its sweet tune2 we /ood 9 sil5ce li/5+4 ,t is ! be/ ( om5s1 ,i said1 to dep>t ) ?anksgiv+ & ! voice ( melody4 ,he smil$ 9 my face1 we clasp$ h&s2 ,i drove up ! little road1 :ile he /ood at ! door1 smil+ & wav+ 8 h&1 till ,i turn$ into ! ma9 road1 betwe5 ! blossom+ h$ges1 & saw ,aveley no m4