,,father ,,payne    ,by ,arthur         
,christopher ,benson      #aiae         
,,preface    ,often as ,i have thought  
of my old friend ,father ,payne1 as we  
affectionately called him1 ,i had       
somehow never intended to write about   
him1  or if ,i did1 it was like as a    
dream when one awaketh1 a vision that   
melted away at the touch of common life4
 ,yet ,i always felt that his was one   
of those rich personalities well worth  
depicting1 if the attitude and  gesture 
with which he faced the world could be  
caught and fixed4 ,the  difficulty was  
that he was a man of ideas rather than  
of performance1  suggestive rather than 
active3 and the whole history of his    
experiment with  life was evasive1 and  
even to ordinary views fantastic4       
,besides1 my own life has been a busy   
one1 full of hard ordinary work3 it  was
 not until the war gave me1 like many   
craftsmen1 a most reluctant and         
unwelcome space of leisure1 that ,i ever
 had the opportunity of considering  the

 possibility of writing this book4 ,i am
 too old to be a combatant1 and  too    
much of a specialist in literature to   
transmute my activities4 ,i lately      
found myself with my professional       
occupations suddenly suspended1 and     
moreover1 like many men who have        
followed a wholly peaceful profession1  
plunged in a dark bewilderment as to the
 onset of the forces governing the      
social life of ,europe4 ,in the sad     
inactivity which followed1 ,i set to    
work  to look through my old papers1 for
 the sake of distraction and employment1
  and found much material almost ready  
for use1 careful notes of               
conversations1 personal reminiscences1  
jottings of characteristic touches1     
which seemed as if they could be easily 
shaped4 ,moreover1 the past suddenly    
revived1 and became eloquent and vivid4 
,i found in the beautiful memories  of  
those glowing days that ,i spent with   
,father ,payne--it was only three       
years--some consolation and             

encouragement in my distress4    ,this  
little volume is the result4 ,i am well 
aware that the busy years which  have   
intervened have taken the edge off some 
of my recollections1 while the  lapse of
 time has possibly touched others with a
 sunset glow4 ,that can  hardly be      
avoided1 and ,i am not sure that ,i wish
 to avoid it4    ,i am not here         
concerned with either criticising or    
endorsing ,father ,payne's  views4 ,i   
see both inconsistencies and fallacies  
in them4 ,i even detect  prejudices and 
misinterpretations of which ,i was not  
conscious at the time4  ,i have no wish 
to idealise my subject unduly1 but it is
 clear to me1 and ,i  hope ,i have made 
it clear to others1 that ,father ,payne 
was a man who had a  very definite      
theory of life and faith1 and who at all
 events lived  sincerely and even       
passionately in the light of his        
beliefs4 ,moreover1 when  he came to put
 them to the supreme test1 the test of  
death1 they did not  desert or betray   

him3 he passed on his way rejoicing4    
,he used1 ,i remember1 to warn us       
against attempting too close an analysis
 of  character4 ,he used to say that the
 consciousness of a man1 the intuitive  
instinct which impelled him1 his attack 
upon experience1 was a thing  almost    
independent both of his circumstances   
and of his reason4 ,he used to  take his
 parable from the weaving of a tapestry1
 and say that a box full of  thread and 
a loom made up a very small part of the 
process4 ,it was the  inventive instinct
 of the craftsman1 the faculty of       
designing1 that was  all-important4     
,he himself was a man of large designs1 
but he lacked perhaps the practical     
gift of embodiment4 ,i looked upon him  
as a man of high poetical powers1  with 
a great range of hopes and visions1 but 
without the technical  accomplishment   
which lends these their final coherence4
 ,he was fully aware  of this himself1  
but he neither regretted it nor         
disguised it4 ,the truth  was that his  

interest in existence was so intense1   
that he lacked the power  of            
self-limitation needed for an artistic  
success4 ,what1 however1 he gave  to all
 who came in touch with him1 was a      
strong sense of the richness and        
greatness of life and all its issues4   
,he taught us to approach it with no    
preconceived theories1 no fears1 no     
preferences4 ,he had a great mistrust of
  conventional interpretation and       
traditional explanations4 ,at the same  
time  he abhorred controversy and       
wrangling4 ,he had no wish to expunge   
the ideals  of others1 so long as they  
were sincerely formed rather than meekly
  received4 ,though ,i have come myself 
to somewhat different conclusions1 he   
at least taught me to draw my own       
inferences from my own experiences1     
without either deferring to or despising
 the conclusions of others4    ,the     
charm of his personality lay in his     
independence1 his sympathy1 his  eager  
freshness of view1 his purity of motive1

 his perfect simplicity2 and  it is all 
this which ,i have attempted to depict1 
rather than to trace his  theories1 or  
to present a philosophy which was always
 concrete rather than  abstract1 and    
passionate rather than deliberate4 ,to  
use a homely proverb1  ,father ,payne   
was a man who filled his chair6    ,of  
one thing ,i feel sure1 and that is that
 wherever ,father ,payne is1 and        
whatever he may be doing--for ,i have as
 absolute a conviction of the  continued
 existence of his fine spirit as ,i have
 of the present existence  of my own--he
 will value my attempt to depict him as 
he was4 ,i remember his  telling me a   
story of ,dr4 ,johnson1 how in the      
course of his last illness1  when he    
could not open his letters1 he asked    
,boswell to read them for him4  ,boswell
 opened a letter from some person in the
 ,north of ,england1 of a  complimentary
 kind1 and thinking it would fatigue    
,dr4 ,johnson to have it  read aloud1   
merely observed that it was highly in   

his praise4 ,dr4 ,johnson  at once      
desired it to be read to him1 and said  
with great earnestness1  ,the applause  
of a single human being is of great     
consequence4  ,father ,payne added that 
it was one of ,johnson's finest sayings1
 and had no  touch of vanity or         
self-satisfaction in it1 but the vital  
stuff of  humanity4 ,that ,i believe to 
be profoundly true3 and that is the     
spirit in  which ,i have set all this   
down4    ,september #cj1 #aiae4         
,,contents      ,i4       ,,father      
,,payne  ,,ii4      ,,aveley  ,,iii4    
,,the ,,society  ,,iv4      ,,the       
,,summons  ,v4       ,,the ,,system     
,,vi4      ,,father ,,payne  ,,vii4     
,,the ,,men  ,,viii4    ,,the ,,method  
,,ix4      ,,father ,,payne  ,x4        
,,characteristics  ,,xi4                
,,conversation  ,,xii4     ,,of ,,going 
,,to ,,church  ,,xiii4    ,,of          
,,newspapers  ,,xiv4     ,,of ,,hate    
,,xv4      ,,of ,,writing  ,,xvi4       
,,of ,,marriage  ,,xvii4    ,,of        

,,loving ,,god  ,,xviii4   ,,of         
,,friendship  ,,xix4     ,,of ,,phyllis 
,,xx4      ,,of ,,certainty  ,,xxi4     
,,of ,,beauty  ,,xxii4    ,,of ,,war    
,,xxiii4   ,,of ,,cads ,,and ,,pharisees
  ,,xxiv4    ,,of ,,continuance  ,,xxv4 
,,of ,,philanthropy  ,,xxvi4    ,,of    
,,fear  ,,xxvii4   ,,of ,,aristocracy   
,,xxviii4  ,,of ,,crystals  ,,xxix4     
,,early ,,life  ,,xxx4     ,,of         
,,bloodsuckers  ,,xxxi4    ,,of         
,,instincts  ,,xxxii4   ,,of ,,humility 
,,xxxiii4  ,,of ,,meekness  ,,xxxiv4    
,,of ,,criticism  ,,xxxv4    ,,of ,,the 
,,sense ,,of ,,beauty  ,,xxxvi4   ,,of  
,,biography  ,,xxxvii4  ,,of            
,,possessions  ,,xxxviii4 ,,of          
,,loneliness  ,,xxxix4   ,,of ,,the     
,,writer',s ,,life  ,,xl4      ,,of     
,,waste  ,,xli4     ,,of ,,education    
,,xlii4    ,,of ,,religion  ,,xliii4    
,,of ,,critics  ,,xliv4    ,,of         
,,worship  ,,xlv4     ,,of ,a ,,change  
,,of ,,religion  ,,xlvi4    ,,of        
,,affection  ,,xlvii4   ,,of ,,respect  

,,of ,,persons  ,,xlviii4  ,,of         
,,ambiguity  ,,xlix4    ,,of ,,belief   
,l4       ,,of ,,honour  ,,li4      ,,of
 ,,work  ,,lii4     ,,of ,,companionship
  ,,liii4    ,,of ,,money  ,,liv4       
,,of ,,peaceableness  ,,lv4      ,,of   
,,life-,,force  ,,lvi4     ,,of         
,,conscience  ,,lvii4    ,,of ,,rank    
,,lviii4   ,,of ,,biography  ,,lix4     
,,of ,,exclusiveness  ,,lx4      ,,of   
,,taking ,,life  ,,lxi4     ,,of        
,,bookishness  ,,lxii4    ,,of          
,,consistency  ,,lxiii4   ,,of ,,wrens  
,,and ,,lilies  ,,lxiv4    ,,of ,,pose  
,,lxv4     ,,of ,,revenants  ,,lxvi4    
,,of ,,discipline  ,,lxvii4   ,,of      
,,increase  ,,lxviii4  ,,of ,,prayer    
,,lxix4    ,,the ,,shadow  ,,lxx4       
,,of ,,weakness  ,,lxxi4    ,,the ,,bank
 ,,of ,,the ,,river  ,,lxxii4   ,,the   
,,crossing  ,,lxxiii4                   
,,after-,,thoughts  ,,lxxiv4            
,,departure          ,,father ,,payne   
,i    ,,father ,,payne      ,it was a   
good many years ago1 soon after ,i left 

,oxford1 when ,i was  twenty-three years
 old1 that all this happened4 ,i had    
taken a degree in  ,classics1 and ,i had
 not given much thought to my future    
profession4 ,there  was no very obvious 
opening for me1 no family business1 no  
influence in any  particular direction4 
,my father had been in the ,army1 but   
was long dead4 ,my  mother and only     
sister lived quietly in the country4 ,i 
had no prosaic and  practical uncles to 
push me into any particular line2 while 
on coming of  age ,i had inherited a    
little capital which brought me in some 
two hundred a  year1 so that ,i could   
afford to wait and look round4 ,my only 
real taste was  for literature4 ,i      
wanted to write1 but ,i had no very     
pressing aspirations  or inspirations4  
,i may confess that ,i was indolent1    
fond of company1 but  not afraid of     
comparative solitude1 and ,i was        
moreover an entire  dilettante4 ,i read 
a good many books1 and tried feverishly 
to write in the  style of the authors   

who most attracted me1 ,i settled down  
at home1 more or  less1 in a country    
village where ,i knew everyone2 ,i      
travelled a little2 and  ,i paid        
occasional visits to ,london1 where     
several of my undergraduate and  school 
friends lived1 with a vague idea of     
getting to know literary people2  but   
they were not very easy to meet1 and1   
when ,i did meet them1 they did  not    
betray any very marked interest in my   
designs and visions4    ,i was dining   
one night at a restaurant with a        
,college friend of mine1 ,jack          
,vincent1 whose tastes were much the    
same as my own1 only more strenuous2    
his father and mother lived in ,london1 
and when ,i went there ,i generally     
stayed with them4 ,they were well-to-do1
 good-natured people2 but1 beyond       
occasionally reminding ,jack that he    
ought to be thinking about a            
profession1 they left him very much to  
his own devices1 and he had begun to    
write a novel1 and a play1 and two or   

three other masterpieces4    ,that      
particular night his father and mother  
were dining out1 so we  determined to go
 to a restaurant4 ,and it was there that
 ,vincent told me  about ,father ,payne1
 as he was called by his friends1 though
 he was a  layman and an ,anglican4 ,he 
had heard all about him from an ,oxford 
man1  ,leonard ,barthrop1 some years    
older than ourselves1 who was one of the
  circle of men whom ,father ,payne had 
collected about him4 ,vincent was very  
full of the subject4 ,he said that      
,father ,payne was an elderly man1 who  
had  been for a good many years a rather
 unsuccessful teacher in ,london1 and   
that he had unexpectedly inherited a    
little country estate in                
,northamptonshire4 ,he had gradually    
gathered about him a small knot of men1 
mainly interested in literature1 who    
were lodged and boarded free1 and were  
a sort of informal community1 bound by  
no very strict regulations1 except  that
 they were pledged to produce a certain 

amount of work at stated  intervals for 
,father ,payne's inspection4 ,as long as
 they did this1 they  were allowed to   
work very much as they liked1 and       
,father ,payne was always  ready to give
 criticism and advice4 ,father ,payne   
reserved the right of  dismissing them  
if they were idle1 quarrelsome1 or      
troublesome in any way1  and exercised  
it decisively4 ,but ,barthrop had told  
him that it was a most  delightful life2
 that ,father ,payne was a very         
interesting1 good-natured1  and amusing 
man2 and that the whole thing was both  
pleasant and  stimulating4 ,there were  
certain rules about work and hours1 and 
members of  the circle were not allowed 
to absent themselves without leave1     
while  ,father ,payne sometimes sent    
them off for a time1 if he thought they 
required a change4 ,i gather1 said      
,vincent1 that he is an absolute        
autocrat1 and that you have to do what  
he tells you2 but that he doesn't       
preach1 and he doesn't fuss4 ,barthrop  

says he has never been so happy in  his 
life4 ,he went on to say that there were
 at least two vacancies in the          
circle--one of the number had lately    
married1 and another had accepted a     
journalistic post4 ,now what do you say1
 said ,vincent1 to us two trying  to go 
there for a bit8 ,you can try it1 ,i    
believe1 without pledging  yourself1 for
 two or three months2 and then if       
,father ,payne approves1 and  you want  
to go on1 you can regularly join4    ,i 
confess that it seemed to me a very     
attractive affair1 and all that         
,vincent told me of the place1 and      
particularly of ,father ,payne1         
attracted  me4 ,vincent said that he had
 mentioned me to ,barthrop1 and that    
,barthrop  had said that ,i might have a
 chance of getting in4 ,it appeared that
 we  should have to go down to the place
 to be interviewed4    ,we made up our  
minds to apply1 and that night ,vincent 
wrote to ,barthrop4  ,the answer was    
favourable4 ,two days later ,vincent    

received a note from  ,father ,payne1   
written in a big1 finely-formed hand1 to
 the effect that he  would be glad to   
see ,vincent any night that he could    
come down1 and that ,i  might also      
arrange an interview1 if ,i wished1 but 
that we were to come  separately4 ,mind1
 said the letter1 ,i can make no        
promises and can give  no reasons2 but  
,i will not keep either of you waiting4 
,vincent went first4 ,he spent a night  
at ,aveley ,hall1 as the place was      
called4 ,i continued my visit to his    
people1 and awaited his return with     
great interest4    ,he told me what had 
happened4 ,he had been met at the       
station by an odd  little trap1 had     
driven up to the house--a biggish place1
 close to a small  church1 on the       
outskirts of a tiny village4 ,it was    
dark when he arrived1  and he had found 
,father ,payne at tea with four or five 
men1 in a flagged  hall4 ,there had been
 a good deal of talk and laughter4 ,he  
is a big man1  ,father ,payne1 with a   

beard1 dressed rather badly1 like a     
country squire1  very good-natured and  
talkative4 ,everyone seemed to say      
pretty much what  they liked1 but he    
kept them in order1 too1 ,i could see   
that6 ,then he had  been carried off to 
a little study and questioned4 ,he      
simply turned me  inside out1 said      
,vincent1 and ,i told him all my        
biography1 and everything  ,i had ever  
done and thought of4 ,he didn't seem to 
look at me much1 but ,i  felt he was    
overhauling me somehow4 ,then ,i went   
and read in a sort of  library1 and then
 we had dinner--just the same business4 
,then the men  mostly disappeared1 and  
,barthrop carried me off for a talk1 and
 told me a  lot about everything4 ,then 
,i went to my room1 a big1 ugly1        
comfortable  bedroom2 and in the morning
 there was breakfast1 where people      
dropped in1  read papers or letters1 did
 not talk1 and went off when they had   
done4 ,then  ,i walked about in a nice1 
rather wild garden4 ,there seemed a lot 

of fields  and trees beyond1 all        
belonging to the house1 but no park1 and
 only a small  stable1 with a           
kitchen-garden4 ,there were very few    
servants that ,i saw--an  old butler and
 some elderly maids--and then ,i came   
away4 ,father ,payne just  came out and 
shook hands1 and said he would write to 
me4 ,it seemed exactly  the sort of     
thing ,i should like4 ,i only hope we   
shall both get in4    ,it certainly     
sounded attractive1 and it was with     
great curiosity that ,i  went off on the
 following day1 as appointed1 for my own
 interview4        ,,ii    ,,aveley     
,the train drew up at a little wayside  
station soon after four o'clock on a    
,november afternoon4 ,it was a bare1 but
 rather an attractive landscape4 ,the   
line ran along a wide1 shallow valley1  
with a stream running at the bottom1    
with many willows1 and pools fringed    
with withered sedges4 ,the fields were  
mostly pastures1 with here and there a  
fallow4 ,there were a good many bits  of

 woodland all about1 and a tall spire of
 pale stone1 far to the south1          
overtopped the roofs of a little town4  
,i was met by an old groom or  coachman1
 with a little ancient open cart1 and we
 drove sedately along  pleasant lanes1  
among woods1 till we entered a tiny     
village1 which he told  me was ,aveley1 
consisting of three or four farmhouses1 
with barns and  ricks1 and some rows of 
stone-built cottages4 ,we turned out of 
the village  in the direction of a small
 and plain church of some antiquity1    
behind  which ,i saw a grove of trees   
and the chimneys of a house surmounted  
by a  small cupola4 ,the house stood    
close by the church1 having an open     
space of  grass in front1 with an old   
sundial1 and a low wall separating it   
from the  churchyard4 ,we drove in at a 
big gate1 standing open1 with stone     
gate-posts4 ,the ,hall was a long1      
stone-built ,georgian house1 perhaps a  
hundred and fifty years old1 with two   
shallow wings and a stone-tiled roof1   

and was obviously of considerable size4 
,some withered creepers straggled  over 
it1 and it was neatly kept1 but with no 
sort of smartness4 ,the trees  grew     
rather thickly to the east of the house1
 and ,i could see to the right  a       
stable-yard1 and beyond that the trees  
of the garden4 ,we drew up--it was      
getting dark--and an old manservant with
 a paternal air came out1 took          
possession of my bag1 and led me through
 a small vestibule into a long  hall1   
with a fire burning in a great open     
fireplace4 ,there was a gallery at  one 
end1 with a big organ in it4 ,the hall  
was paved with black and white  stone1  
and there were some comfortable chairs1 
a cabinet or two1 and some  dim         
paintings on the walls4 ,tea was spread 
at a small table by the fire1  and four 
or five men1 two of them quite young1   
the others rather older1  were sitting  
about on chairs and sofas1 or helping   
themselves to tea at the  table4 ,on the
 hearth1 with his back to the fire1     

stood a great1 burly man  with a short1 
grizzled beard and tumbled gray hair1   
rather bald1 dressed in  a rough suit of
 light-brown homespun1 with huge        
shooting boots1 whom ,i saw  at once to 
be my host4 ,the talk stopped as ,i     
entered1 and ,i was aware that  ,i was  
being scrutinised with some curiosity4  
,father ,payne did not move1 but        
extended a hand1 which ,i advanced and  
shook1 and said3 ,very glad to see  you1
 ,mr4 ,duncan--you are just in time for 
tea4 ,he mentioned the names of  the men
 present1 who came and shook hands very 
cordially4 ,barthrop gave me  some tea1 
and ,i was inducted into a chair by the 
fire4 ,i thought for a  moment that ,i  
was taking ,father ,payne's place1 and  
feebly murmured  something about taking 
his chair4 ,they're all mine1 thanks6 he
 said with  a smile1 but ,i claim no    
privileges4 ,someone gave a faint       
whistle at this1  and ,father ,payne1   
turning his eyes but not his head       
towards the young man  who had uttered  

the sound1 said3 ,all right1 ,pollard1  
if you are going to  be mutinous1 we    
shall have a little business to transact
 together1 as ,mr4  ,squeers said4 ,oh1 
,i'm not mutinous1 sir1 said the young  
man--,i'm quite  submissive--,i was just
 betrayed into it by amazement6 ,you    
shouldn't get  into the habit of        
thinking aloud1 said ,father ,payne2 at 
least not among  bachelors--when you are
 married you can do as you like6--,i    
hope you are  polite8 he went on1       
looking round at me4 ,i think so1 ,i    
said1 feeling  rather shy1 ,that's      
right1 he said4 ,it's the first and only
 form of  virtue6 ,if you are only      
polite1 there is nothing that you may   
not do4 ,this  is a school of manners1  
you know6 ,one of the men1 ,rose by     
name1 laughed--a  pleasant musical      
laugh4 ,i remember1 he said1 that when  
,i was a boy at  ,eton1 my excellent but
 very bluff and rough old tutor called  
upon us1 and  was so much taken up with 
being hearty1 that he knocked over the  

coal-scuttle1 and didn't let anyone get 
a word in2 and when he went off in  a   
sort of whirlwind1 my old aunt1 who was 
an incisive lady1 said in a  meditative 
tone3 ',how strange it is that the only 
thing that the ,eton  masters seem able 
to teach their boys is the only thing   
they don't  themselves possess6'        
,father ,payne uttered a short1 loud    
laugh at this1 and said3 ,is there any  
chance of meeting your aunt8 ,no1 sir1  
she is long since dead6 ,blew off  too  
much steam1 perhaps1 said ,father       
,payne4 ,that woman must have had the   
steam up6 ,i should have liked to have  
known her--a remarkable woman6 ,have    
you any more stories of the same sort   
about her8    ,not to-day1 said ,rose1  
smiling4    ,quite right1 said ,father  
,payne4 ,you keep them for an acceptable
 time4  ,never tell strings of          
stories--and1 by the way1 my young      
friends1 that's  the art of writing4    
,don't cram in good things--space them  
out1 ,barthrop6    ,i think ,i can      

spread the butter as thin as anyone1    
said ,barthrop1  smiling4    ,so you    
can1 so you can6 said ,father ,payne    
enthusiastically1 and very  thin slices 
too6 ,i give you full credit for that6  
,the men had begun to drift away1 and ,i
 was presently left alone with ,father  
,payne4 ,now you come along of me6 he   
said to me2 and when ,i got up1 he  took
 my arm in a pleasant fashion1 led me to
 a big curtained archway at the  far end
 of the hall1 under the gallery1 and    
along a flagged passage to the  right4  
,as we went he pointed to the           
doors--,smoking-room--,library--and at  
the end of the passage he opened a door1
 and led me into a small panelled  room 
with a big window1 closely curtained4   
,it was a solid and stately  place1     
wholly bare of ornament4 ,it had a      
writing-table1 a bookcase1 two          
armchairs of leather1 a fine fireplace  
with marble pillars1 and an old         
painting let into the panelling above   
it4 ,there was a bright1 unshaded lamp  

on the table4 ,this is my room1 he said1
 and there's nothing in it that ,i      
don't use1 except those pillars2 and    
when ,i haul on them1 like ,samson1 the 
house comes down4 ,now you sit down     
there1 and we'll have a talk4 ,do you   
mind the light8 ,no8 ,well1 that's all  
right1 as ,i want to have a good look   
at you1 you know6 ,you can get a smoke  
afterwards--this is business6    ,he    
sate down in the chair opposite me1 and 
stirred the fire4 ,he had fine1  large1 
solid hands1 the softness of which1 like
 silk1 had struck me when ,i  shook     
hands with him2 and1 though he was both 
elderly and bulky1 he moved  with a     
certain grace and alertness4 ,tell me   
your tale from the beginning1  he said1 
,don't leave out any details--,i like   
details4 ,let's have your life  and     
death and ,christian sufferings1 as the 
tracts say4    ,he heard me with much   
patience1 sometimes smiling1 sometimes  
nodding1 when  ,i had finished1 he said3
 ,now ,i must ask you a few             

questions--you don't  mind if they are  
plain questions--rather unpleasant      
questions8 ,he bent his  brows upon me  
and smiled4 ,no1 ,i said1 not at all4   
,well1 then1 he  said1 where's the      
vocation in all this8 ,this place1 to be
 brief1 is for  men who have a real     
vocation for writing1 and yet never     
would otherwise  have the time or the   
leisure to train for it4 ,you see1 in   
,england1 people  think that you needn't
 train for writing--that you have just  
got to begin1  and there you are4 ,very 
few people have the money to wait a few 
years--they  have to write1 not what    
they want to write1 but what other      
people want to  read4 ,and so it comes  
about that by the time that they have   
earned the  money and the leisure1 the  
spring is gone1 the freshness is gone1  
there's  no invention and no zest4      
,writing can't be done in a little      
corner of life4  ,you have to give up   
your life to it--and then that means    
giving up your  life to a great deal of 

what looks like pure laziness--loafing  
about1  looking about1 travelling1      
talking1 mooning2 that is the only way  
to learn  proportion2 and it is the only
 way1 too1 of learning what not to write
  about--a great many things that are   
written about are not really material   
for writing at all4 ,and all this can't 
be done in a drivelling mood--you  must 
pick your way if you are going to write4
 ,that's a long preface2 but ,i  mean   
this place to be a place to give men the
 right sort of start4 ,i happen  to be  
able to teach people1 more or less1 how 
to write1 if they have got  the stuff in
 them--and to be frank1 ,i'm not sure   
that you have6 ,you think  this would be
 a pleasant sort of experience--so it   
can be2 but it isn't  done on slack and 
chattering lines4 ,it is just meant to  
save people from  hanging about at the  
start1 a thing which spoils a lot of    
good writers4 ,but  it's deadly serious1
 and it isn't a dilettante life at all4 
,do you grasp  all that8    ,yes1 ,i    

said1 and ,i believe ,i can work6 ,i    
know ,i have wasted my time1 but  it was
 not because ,i wanted to waste time1   
but because the sort of things ,i  have 
always had to do--the classics--always  
seemed to me so absolutely  pointless4  
,no one who taught me ever distinguished
 between what was good  and what was    
bad4 ,whatever it was--a ,greek play1   
,homer1 ,livy1 ,tacitus--it  was always 
supposed to be the best thing of the    
kind4 ,i was always sure  that much of  
it was rot1 and some of it was          
excellent2 but ,i didn't know  why1 and 
no one ever told me why4    ,you thought
 all that8 said he4 ,well1 that's more  
hopeful6 ,have you ever  done any essay 
work8    ,yes1 ,i said1 and that was the
 worst of all--no one ever showed me how
 to  do it in my own way1 but always in 
some one else's way4    ,he sate a      
little in silence4 ,then he said3 ,but  
mind you1 that's not all6 ,i  don't     
think writing is the end of life4 ,the  
real point is to feel the  things1 to   

understand the business1 to have ideas  
about life4 ,i don't want  people to    
learn how to write interestingly about  
things in which they are  not           
interested--but to be interested first1 
and then to write if they can4  ,i like 
to turn out a good writer1 who can say  
what he feels and believes4  ,but ,i'm  
just as pleased when a man tells me that
 writing is rubbish1 and  that he is    
going away to do something real4 ,the   
real--that's what ,i care  about6 ,i    
don't want men to come and pick up      
grains of truth and reality1  and work  
them into their stuff4 ,i have turned   
out a few men like that1 and  those are 
my worst failures4 ,you have got to care
 about ideas1 if you come  here1 and to 
get the ideas into shape4 ,you have got 
to learn what is  beautiful and what is 
not1 because the only business of a real
 writer is  with beauty--not a sickly   
exotic sort of beauty1 but the beauty of
 health  and strength and generous      
feeling4 ,i can't have any humbugs here1

 though ,i  have sent out some humbugs4 
,it's a hard life this1 and a tiring    
life2  though if you are the right sort 
of fellow1 you will get plenty of fun   
out  of it4 ,but we don't waste time    
here2 and if a man wastes time1 out he  
goes4    ,i believe ,i can work as hard 
as anyone1 ,i said1 though ,i have shown
 no  signs of it--and anyhow1 ,i should 
like to try4 ,and ,i do really want to  
learn how to distinguish between things1
 how to know what matters4 ,no one  has 
ever shown me how to do that6    ,that's
 all right6 he said1 ,but are you sure  
you don't want simply to  make a bit of 
a name--to be known as a clever man8    
,it's very convenient1  you know1 in    
,england1 to have a label4 ,because ,i  
want you clearly to  understand that    
this place of mine has nothing whatever 
to do with that4 ,i  take no stock in   
what is called success4 ,this is a sort 
of monastery1 you  know2 and the worst  
of some monasteries is that they        
cultivate dreams4  ,that's a beautiful  

thing in its way1 but it isn't what ,i  
aim at4 ,i don't  want men to drug      
themselves with dreams4 ,the great      
dreamers don't do that4  ,shelley1 for  
instance--his dreams were all made out  
of real feeling1 real  beauty4 ,he      
wanted to put things right in his own   
way4 ,he was enraged with  life because 
he was fine1 while ,byron was enraged   
with life because he was  vulgar4       
,vulgarity--that's the one fatal        
complaint2 it goes down deep to the     
bottom of the mind4 ,and ,i may as well 
say plainly that that is what ,i fight  
against here4    ,i don't honestly think
 ,i am vulgar1 ,i said4    ,not on the  
surface1 perhaps1 he said1 but          
present-day education is a  snare4 ,we  
are a vulgar nation1 you know4 ,that is 
what is really the matter  with us--our 
ambitions are vulgar1 our pride is      
vulgar4 ,we want to fit into  the world 
and get the most we can out of it2 we   
don't1 most of us1 just  want to give it
 our best4 ,that's what ,i mean by      

vulgarity1 wanting to take  and not     
wanting to give4    ,he was silent for a
 minute1 and then he said3 ,do you      
believe in ,god8    ,i hardly know1 ,i  
said4 ,not very much1 ,i am afraid1 in  
the kind of ,god  that ,i have heard    
preached about4    ,what do you mean8 he
 said4    ,well1 ,i said1 it's rather a 
large question--but ,i used to think1   
both at  school and at ,oxford1 that    
many of the men who were rather         
disapproved of1  that did quite bad     
things1 and tried experiments1 and      
knocked up against  nastiness of various
 kinds1 but who were brave in their way 
and kind1 and  not mean or spiteful or  
fault-finding1 were more the sort of    
people that  the force--or whatever it  
is1 behind the world--was trying to     
produce than  many of the virtuous      
people4 ,what was called virtue and     
piety had something  stifling and       
choking about it1 ,i used to think4 ,i  
had a tutor at school who  was a parson1
 and he was a good sort of man1 too1 in 

a way4 ,but ,i used to  feel suddenly   
dreary with him1 as if there were a     
whole lot of real things  and           
interesting things which he was afraid  
of4 ,i couldn't say what ,i  thought to 
him--only what ,i felt he wanted me to  
think4 ,that's a bad  answer1 ,i went   
on1 but ,i haven't really considered it4
    ,no1 it isn't a bad answer1 he said1
 ,it's all right6 ,the moment you feel  
stifled with anyone1 whatever the       
subject is--art1 books1 religion1       
life--there is something wrong4 ,do you 
say any prayers8    ,no1 ,i said1 to be 
honest1 ,i don't4    ,you must take to  
it again1 he said4 ,you can't get on    
without prayer4 ,and  if you come here1 
he said1 you may expect to hear about   
,god4 ,i talk a  good deal about ,god4  
,i don't believe in things being too    
sacred to talk  about--it's the bad     
things that ought not to be mentioned4  
,i am interested  in ,god1 more than ,i 
am interested in anything else4 ,i can't
 make ,him  out--and yet ,i believe that

 ,he needs me1 in a way1 as much as ,i  
need ,him4  ,does that sound profane to 
you8    ,no1 ,i said1 it's new to me4   
,no one ever spoke about ,god to me like
 that  before4    ,we have to suffer    
with ,him6 he said in a curious tone1   
his face lighting  up4 ,that is the     
point of ,christianity1 that ,god       
suffers1 because ,he wants  to remake   
the world1 and cannot do it all at once4
 ,that is the secret of  all life and   
hope1 that if we believe in ,god1 we    
must suffer with ,him4 ,it's  a fight1 a
 hard fight2 and ,he needs us on ,his   
side3 ,but ,i won't talk about  that    
now2 yet if you don't want to believe in
 ,god1 and to be friends with  ,him1 and
 to fight and suffer with ,him1 you     
needn't think of coming here4  ,that's  
behind all ,i do4 ,and to come here is  
simply that you may find out  where ,he 
needs you4 ,why writing is important is1
 because the world needs  freer and     
plainer talk about ,god--about beauty   
and health and happiness and  energy1   

and all the things which ,he stands for4
 ,half the evil comes from  silence1 and
 the end of all my experiments is the   
word in the ,new  ,testament1           
,ephphatha--,be opened6 ,that is what ,i
 try for1 to give men the  power of     
opening their hearts and minds to       
others1 without fear and yet  without   
offence4 ,i don't want men to attack    
things or to criticise things1  but just
 to speak plainly about what is         
beautiful and wholesome and true4  ,so  
you see this isn't a place for lazy and 
fanciful people--not a fortress  of     
quiet1 and still less a place for asses 
to slake their thirst6 ,we don't  set   
out to amuse ourselves1 but to perceive 
things1 and to say them if we  can4 ,my 
men must be sound and serious1 and they 
must be civil and amusing  too4 ,they   
have got to learn how to get on with    
each other1 and with me1 and  with the  
village people--and with ,god6 ,if you  
want just to dangle about1  this isn't  
the place for you2 but if you want to   

work hard and be knocked  into shape1   
,i'll consider it4    ,there was        
something tremendous about ,father      
,payne6 ,i looked at him with a  sense  
of terror4 ,his face dissolved in a     
smile4 ,you needn't look at me  like    
that6 he said4 ,i only want you to know 
exactly what you are in for6    ,i would
 like to try1 ,i said4    ,well1 we'll  
see6 he said4 ,and now you must be off6 
he added4 ,we shall  dine in an         
hour--you needn't dress4 ,here1 you     
don't know which your room  is1 ,i      
suppose8    ,he rang the bell1 and ,i   
went off with the old butler1 who was   
amiable and  communicative4 ,so1 you    
think of becoming one of the gentlemen1 
sir8 he  said4 ,if you'll have me1 ,i   
replied4 ,oh1 that will be all right1   
sir1 he  said4 ,i could see that the    
,father took to you at first sight6     
,he showed me my room--a big bare place4
 ,it had a small bed and accessories1   
but it was also fitted as a             
sitting-room1 with a writing-table1 an  

armchair1 and a bookcase full of books4 
,the house was warmed1 ,i saw1 with  hot
 water to a comfortable temperature4    
,would you like a fire8 he said4 ,i     
declined1 and he went on3 ,now if you   
lived here1 sir1 you would have to do   
that yourself6 ,he gave a little laugh4 
,anyone may have a fire1 but they  have 
to lay it1 and fetch the coal1 and clean
 the grate4 ,very few of the  gentlemen 
do it4 ,anything else1 sir8 ,i have put 
out your things1 and you  will find hot 
water laid on4    ,he left me1 and ,i   
flung myself into the chair4 ,i had a   
good deal to think  about4        ,,iii 
,,the ,,society      ,a very quiet      
evening followed4 ,a bell rang out above
 the roof at #h4ae4 ,i  went down to the
 hall1 where the men assembled4 ,father 
,payne came in4 ,he  had changed his    
clothes1 and was wearing a dark1        
loose-fitting suit1 which  became him   
well--he always looked at home in his   
clothes4 ,the others wore  similar suits
 or smoking jackets4 ,father ,payne     

appeared abstracted1 and  only gave me a
 nod4 ,a gong sounded1 and he marched   
straight out through a  door by the     
fireplace into the dining-room4    ,the 
dining-room was a rather grand place1   
panelled in dark wood1 and with a  few  
portraits4 ,at each end of the room was 
a section cut off from the  central     
portion by an oak column on each side4  
,three windows on one side  looked into 
the garden4 ,it was lighted by candles  
only4 ,we were seven in  all1 and ,i    
sate by ,father ,payne4 ,dinner was very
 plain4 ,there was soup1 a  joint with  
vegetables1 and a great apple-tart4 ,the
 things were mostly  passed about from  
hand to hand1 but the old butler kept a 
benignant eye  upon the proceedings1 and
 saw that ,i was well supplied4 ,there  
was a good  and simple claret in large  
flat-bottomed decanters1 which most of  
the men  drank4 ,there was a good deal  
of talk of a lively kind4 ,father ,payne
 was  rather silent1 though he struck in
 now and then1 but his silence imposed  

no  constraint on the party4 ,he was    
pressed to tell a story for my benefit1 
which he did with much relish1 but      
briefly4 ,i was pleased at the          
simplicity  of it all4 ,there was only  
one man who seemed a little out of      
tune--a  clerical-looking1 handsome     
fellow of about thirty1 called          
,lestrange1 with  an air of some        
solemnity4 ,he made remarks of rather an
 earnest type1 and  was ironically      
assailed once or twice4 ,father ,payne  
intervened once1 and  said3 ,lestrange  
is perfectly right1 and you would think 
so too1 if only he  could give what he  
said a more secular twist4 ',be soople  
in things  immaterial1' ,lestrange1 as  
the minister says in ,kidnapped4 ,but   
who  is to judge if it is immaterial8   
said ,lestrange rather  pertinaciously4 
,it mostly is1 said ,father ,payne4     
,anything is better than  being shocked6
 ,it's better to be ashamed afterwards  
of not speaking up than  to feel you    
have made a circle uncomfortable4 ,you  

must not rebuke people  unless you      
really hate doing it4 ,if you like doing
 it1 you may be pretty  sure that it is 
vanity2 a ,christian ought not to feel  
out of place in a  smoking-room6    ,the
 whole thing did not take more than     
three-quarters of an hour4 ,coffee  was 
brought in1 very strong and good4 ,some 
of the party went off1 and  ,father     
,payne disappeared4 ,i went to the      
smoking-room with two of the men1  and  
we talked a little4 ,finally ,i went    
away to my room1 and tried to commit  my
 impressions of the whole thing to my   
diary before ,i went to bed4 ,it        
certainly seemed a happy life1 and ,i   
was struck with the curious mixture of  
freedom1 frankness1 and yet courtesy    
about the whole4 ,there was no          
roughness or wrangling or stupidity1 nor
 had ,i any sense either of  exclusion1 
or of being elaborately included in the 
life of the circle4 ,i  would call the  
atmosphere brotherly1 if brotherliness  
did not often mean  the sort of         

frankness which is so unpleasant to     
strangers4 ,there certainly  was an     
atmosphere about it1 and ,i felt too    
that ,father ,payne1 for all his        
easiness1 had somehow got the reins in  
his hands4    ,the next morning ,i went 
down to breakfast1 which was1 ,i found1 
like  breakfast at a club1 as ,vincent  
had said4 ,it was a plain meal--cold    
bacon1  a vast dish of scrambled eggs   
kept hot by a spirit lamp and a         
hot-water  arrangement4 ,you could make 
toast for yourself if you wished1 and   
there was  a big fresh loaf1 with       
excellent butter1 marmalade1 and        
jam--not an ascetic  breakfast at all4  
,there were daily papers on the table1  
and no one talked4  ,i did not see      
,father ,payne1 who must have come in   
later4    ,after breakfast1 ,barthrop   
showed me the rooms of the house4 ,the  
library was  fitted up with bookshelves 
and easy-chairs for reading1 with a big 
round  oak table in the centre4 ,the    
floor was of stained oak boards and     

covered  with rugs4 ,there was also a   
capacious smoking-room1 and ,i learned  
that  smoking was not allowed elsewhere4
 ,it was1 in fact1 a solid old family   
mansion of some dignity4 ,there were    
three or four oil paintings in all the  
rooms1 portraits and landscapes4 ,the   
general tone of decoration was          
dark--red wall-papers and fittings      
stained brown4 ,it was all clean and    
simple1 and there was a total absence of
 ornament1 ,i went and walked in the    
garden1 which was of the same very      
straightforward kind--plain grass1      
shrubberies1 winding paths1 with        
comfortable wooden seats in sheltered   
places2 one or two big beds1 evidently  
of old-fashioned perennials1 and  some  
trellises for ramblers4 ,the garden was 
adjoined by a sort of  wilderness1 with 
big trees and ground-ivy1 and open      
spaces in which  aconites and snowdrops 
were beginning to show themselves4      
,father ,payne1 ,i  gathered1 was fond  
of the garden and often worked there2   

but there were no  curiosities--it was  
all very simple4 ,beyond that were      
pasture-fields1 with  a good many clumps
 and hedgerow trees1 running down to a  
stream1 which had  been enlarged into a 
deep pool at one place1 where there was 
a timbered  bathing-shed4 ,the stream   
fed1 through little sluices1 a big1     
square pond1  full1 ,i was told1 in     
summer of bulrushes and water-lilies4 ,i
 noticed a  couple of lawn-tennis       
courts1 and there was a bowling-green by
 the house4  ,then there was a large    
kitchen-garden1 with standards and      
espaliers1 and  box-edged beds4 ,the    
stables1 which were spacious1 contained 
only a pony and  the little cart ,i had 
driven up in1 and a few bicycles4 ,i    
liked the solid  air of the big house1  
which had two wings at the back1        
corresponding to the  wings in front2   
the long row of stone pedimented        
windows1 with heavy white  casements1   
was plain and stately1 and there were   
some fine magnolias and  wisterias      

trained upon the walls4 ,it all looked  
stately1 and yet home-like2  there was  
nothing neglected about it1 and yet it  
looked wholesomely left  alone2         
everything was neat1 but nothing was    
smart4    ,i was strolling about1       
enjoying the gleams of bright sunshine  
and the cold  air1 when ,i saw ,father  
,payne coming down the garden towards   
me4 ,he gave me  a pleasant nod3 ,i said
 something about the beauty of the      
place2 he smiled1  and said ,yes1 it is 
the kind of thing ,i like--but ,i am so 
used to it that  ,i can hardly even see 
it6 ,that's the worst of habit2 but     
there is nothing  about the place to get
 on your nerves4 ,it's a well-bred old  
house1 ,i think1  and knows how to hold 
its tongue1 without making you          
uncomfortable1 ,then  he went on        
presently3 ,you know how ,i came by it8 
,it's an odd story4 ,it had  been in my 
family1 till my grandfather left it to  
his second wife1 and cut  my father out4
 ,there was a son by the second wife1   

who was meant to have  it2 but he died1 
and it went to a brother of the second  
wife1 and his widow  left it back to me4
 ,it was an entire surprise1 because ,i 
did not know her1  and the only time ,i 
had ever seen the house was once when ,i
 came down on  the sly1 just to look at 
the old place1 little thinking ,i should
 ever come  here4 ,she had some         
superstition about it1 ,i fancy6        
,anyhow1 while ,i was  grubbing away in 
town1 fifteen years ago1 and hardly able
 to make two ends  meet1 ,i suddenly    
found myself put in possession of it2   
and though ,i am  poor1 as squires go1  
the farms and cottages bring me in quite
 enough to rub  along4 ,at any rate it  
enabled me to try some experiments1 and 
,i have been  doing so ever since4      
,leisure and solitude6 ,those are the   
only two things  worth having that money
 can buy4 ,perhaps you don't think      
there's much  solitude about our life8  
,but solitude only means the power to   
think your  own thoughts1 without having

 other people's thoughts trailed across 
the  track4 ,loneliness is quite a      
different thing1 and that's not         
wholesome4    ,he strolled on1 looking  
about him4 ,do you ever garden8 he said4
 ,it's the  best fun in the             
world--making plants do as you like1    
while all the  time they think they are 
doing as they like4 ,that's the secret  
of  it6 ,you can't bully these wild     
things1 but they are very obedient1 as  
long  as they believe they are free4    
,they are like children2 they will take 
any  amount of trouble as long as you   
don't call it work4    ,presently we    
heard the clatter of hoofs in the       
stable-yard4 ,that's for  you6 he said4 
,will you go and see that they have     
brought your things  down8 ,i'll meet   
you at the door4 ,i went up and found my
 things had been  packed by the old     
butler4 ,i gave him a little tip1 and he
 said  confidentially3 ,i daresay we    
shall be seeing you back here1 sir1 one 
of  these days4 ,i hope so1 ,i said1 to 

which he replied with a mysterious  wink
 and nod4    ,father ,payne shook hands4
 ,well1 good-bye6 he said4 ,it's good of
 you to  have come down1 and ,i'm glad  
to have made acquaintance1 whatever     
happens--,i'll drop you a line4 ,i drove
 away1 and he stood at the door  looking
 after me1 till the little cart drove   
out of the gate4        ,,iv    ,,the   
,,summons      ,i must confess that ,i  
was much excited about my visit2 the    
whole thing  seemed to me to be almost  
too good to be true1 and ,i hardly dared
 hope that  ,i should be allowed to     
return4 ,i went back to town and        
rejoined ,vincent1  and we talked much  
about the delights of ,aveley4    ,the  
following morning we each received a    
letter in ,father ,payne's firm  hand4  
,that to ,vincent was very short4 ,it   
ran as follows3        ,,dear           
,,vincent1--,i shall be glad to take you
 in if you wish to      join us1 for    
three months4 ,at the end of that time1 
we shall both      be entirely free to  

choose4 ,i hope you will be happy here4 
,you      can come as soon as you like2 
and if ,duncan1 after reading my        
letter1 decides to come too1 you had    
better arrange to arrive      together4 
,it will save me the trouble of         
describing our way of      life to each 
separately4 ,please let me have a line1 
and ,i will      see that your room is  
ready for you4--,sincerely yours1       
,c4 ,,payne4    ,that's all right6 said 
,vincent1 with an air of relief4 ,now   
what does he  say to you8 ,my letter was
 a longer one4 ,it ran3        ,,my     
,,dear ,,young ,,man1--,i am going to be
 very frank with you1 and      to say   
that1 though ,i liked you very much1 ,i 
nearly decided that      ,i could not   
ask you to join us4 ,i will tell you    
why4 ,i am not      sure that you are   
not too easy-going and impulsive4 ,we   
should all      find you agreeable1 and 
,i am sure you would find the whole     
thing      great fun at first2 but ,i   
rather think you would get bored4 ,it   

does not seem to me as if you had ever  
had the smallest      discipline1 and ,i
 doubt if you have ever disciplined     
yourself2      and discipline is a      
tiresome thing1 unless you like it4 ,i  
think      you are quick1 receptive1 and
 polite--all that is to the good4       
,but are you serious8 ,i found in you a 
very quick perception1 and      you held
 up a flattering mirror with great      
spontaneity to my mind      and         
heart--that was probably why ,i liked   
you so much4 ,but ,i don't      want    
people here to reflect me or anyone     
else4 ,the whole point of      my scheme
 is independence1 with just enough      
discipline to keep      things together1
 like the hem on a handkerchief4        
,but you may have a try1 if you wish2   
and in any case1 ,i think      you will 
have a pleasant three months here1 and  
make us all sorry      to lose you if   
you do not return4 ,i have told your    
friend ,vincent      he can come1 and ,i
 think he is more likely to stay than   

you are1      because he is more        
himself4 ,i don't suppose that he took  
in the      whole place and the idea of 
it as quickly as you did4 ,i expect     
you could write a very interesting      
description of it1 and ,i don't         
expect he could4        ,still1 ,i will 
say that ,i shall be truly sorry if1    
after this      letter1 you decide not  
to come to us4 ,i like your company2 and
 ,i      shall not get tired of it4 ,but
 to be more frank still1 ,i think       
you are one of those charming and       
sympathetic people who is tough         
inside1 with a toughness which is based 
on the determination to      find things
 amusing and interesting--and that is   
not the sort of      toughness ,i can do
 anything with4 ,people like yourself   
are      incapable as a rule of         
suffering1 whatever happens to them4    
,it's      a very happy disposition1 but
 it does not grow4 ,you are sensitive   
enough1 but ,i don't want sensitiveness1
 ,i want men who are not      sensitive1

 and who yet can suffer at not getting  
nearer and more      quickly than they  
can to the purpose ahead of them1       
whatever that      may be4 ,it is a     
stiff sort of thing that ,i want4 ,i can
 help to      make a stiff nature       
pliable2 ,i'm not very good at making a 
pliable nature stiff4 ,that's the truth4
        ,so ,i shall be delighted--more 
than you think--if you say      ,yes4   
but in a way more hopeful about you if  
you say ,no4        ,come with ,vincent1
 if you come2 and as soon as you        
like4--,ever      yours truly1          
,c4 ,,payne4    ,does he want me to go1 
or does he not8 ,i said4 ,is he letting 
me down  with a compliment8    ,oh no1  
said ,vincent1 it's all right4 ,he only 
thinks that you are a  butterfly which  
will flutter by1 and he would rather    
like you to do a  little fluttering down
 there4    ,but ,i'm not going to go    
there1 ,i said1 to wear a cap and bells 
for a  bit1 and then to be spun when ,i 
have left my golden store1 like the     

radiant  morn2 he puts me on my mettle4 
,i will go1 and he shall keep  me6 ,i   
don't want to fool about any more4      
,all right6 said ,vincent4 ,it's a      
bargain1 then6 ,will you be ready to go 
the day after to-morrow8 ,there are some
 things ,i want to buy1 now that ,i'm   
going to school again4 ,but ,i'm awfully
 relieved--it's just what ,i want4 ,i   
was getting into a mess with all my     
work1 and becoming a muddled loafer4    
,and ,i an elegant trifler1 it appears1 
,i said4        ,v    ,,the ,,system    
,we went off together on the ,saturday1 
and ,i think we were both decidedly     
nervous4 ,what were we in for8 ,i had a 
feeling that ,i had plunged headlong    
into rather a foolish adventure4    ,we 
did not talk much on the way down2 it   
was all rather solemn4 ,we were  going  
to put the bit in our mouths again1 and 
,father ,payne was an unknown  quantity4
 ,we both felt that there was something 
decidedly big and strong  there to be   
reckoned with4    ,we arrived1 as       

before1 at tea-time1 and we both        
received a cordial  greeting4 ,after tea
 ,father ,payne took us away1 and told  
us the rules of the  house4 ,they were  
simple enough2 he described the day4    
,breakfast was from  #h4cj to #i4ae1 and
 was a silent meal4 ,it's a bad thing to
 begin the day by  chattering and       
arguing1 said ,father ,payne4 ,then we  
were supposed to work  in our own rooms 
or the library till one4 ,we might      
stroll about1 if we  wished1 but there  
was to be no talking to anyone else1    
unless he himself  gave leave for any   
special reason4 ,luncheon was a cold    
meal1 quite  informal1 and was on the   
table for an hour4 ,there was to be no  
talk then  either4 ,from two to five we 
could do as we liked1 and it was        
expected that  we should take at least  
an hour's exercise1 and if possible two4
 ,tea at  five1 and work afterwards4 ,at
 #h4ae1 dinner1 and we could do as we   
wished  afterwards1 but we were not to  
congregate in anyone's room1 and it was 

understood that no one was to go to     
another man's bedroom1 which was also   
his study1 at any time1 unless he was   
definitely invited1 or just to ask a    
question4 ,the smoking-room was always  
free for general talk1 but ,father      
,payne said that on the whole he        
discouraged any gatherings or cliques4  
,the  point of the whole was solitary   
work1 with enough company to keep things
  fresh and comfortable4    ,he said    
that we were expected to valet ourselves
 entirely1 and that if we  wanted a     
fire1 we must lay it and clean it up    
afterwards4 ,if we wanted to  get       
anything1 or have anything done1 we     
could ask him or the butler4 ,but ,i    
rather expect everyone to look after    
himself1 he said4 ,we were not to       
absent ourselves without his leave1 and 
we were to go away if he told us to  do 
so4 ,sometimes a man wants a little     
change and does not know it1 he  said4  
,then he also said that he would ask us1
 from time to time1 what we were        

doing--hear it read1 and criticise it2  
and that one of the most definite       
conditions of our remaining was that he 
must be satisfied that we really  were  
at work4 ,if we wanted any special      
books1 he said1 we might ask him1  and  
he could generally get them from the    
,london ,library2 but that we should    
find a good many books of reference and 
standard works in the library4    ,he   
told us1 too1 of certain conditions of  
which we had not heard--that we  were to
 be away1 either at home1 or travelling 
wherever he chose to send  us1 for three
 months in the year1 and that he        
supplied the funds if  necessary4       
,moreover1 for one month in the summer  
he kept open house4 ,half  of us were to
 go away for the first fortnight in     
,july1 and the other half  were to stay 
and entertain his guests1 or even our   
own1 if we wished to  invite them2 then 
the other half of the men returned1 and 
had their guests  to entertain1 while   
the first half went away2 and that      

during that time  there was to be very  
little work done4 ,we were not to be    
always writing1  but there was to be    
reading1 about which he would advise4   
,once a week there  was a meeting1 on   
,saturday evening1 when one of the men  
had to read  something aloud1 and be    
generally criticised4 ,you see the idea8
 he said4  ,it sounds complicated now1  
but it really is very simple4 ,it is    
just to get  solid work done regularly1 
with a certain amount of supervision and
  criticism1 and1 what is more important
 still1 real intervals of travelling4   
,i shall send you to a particular place 
for a particular purpose1 and you  will 
have to write about it on lines which ,i
 shall indicate4 ,the danger of  this   
sort of life is that of getting stale4  
,that's why ,i don't want you to  see   
too much of each other4 ,and last of    
all1 he said1 rather gravely1 you  must 
do what ,i tell you to do4 ,there must  
be no mistake about that--but  with all 
the apparent discipline of it1 ,i       

believe you will find it worth  while4  
,then he saw us each separately4 ,he    
inquired into our finances4 ,vincent had
  a small allowance from his parents1   
about #ej1 which he was told to keep    
for pocket-money1 but ,father ,payne    
said he would pay his travelling        
expenses4 ,i gathered that he gave an   
allowance to men who had nothing of     
their own4 ,he told me that ,i should   
have to travel at my own expense1 but   
he was careful first to inquire whether 
my mother was in any way dependent  on  
me4 ,then he said to me with a smile3 ,i
 am glad you decided to come--,i        
thought my letter would have offended   
you4 ,no8 ,that's all right4 ,now1 ,i   
don't expect heroic exertions--just hard
 work4 ,mind1 he said1 ,i will add  one 
thing to my letter1 and that is that ,i 
think you may make a  success of        
this--if you do take to it1 you will do 
well2 but you  will have to be patient1 
and you may have a dreary time2 but ,i  
want you to  tell me exactly at any time

 how you are feeling about it4 ,you     
won't be  driven1 and ,i think your     
danger is that you may try to make the  
pace too  much4    ,he further asked me 
exactly what ,i was writing4 ,it        
happened to be some  essays on literary 
subjects4 ,he mentioned a few books1 and
 told me it would  do very well to start
 with4 ,he was very kind and fatherly in
 his manner1  and when ,i rose to go1 he
 put his arm through mine and said3     
,come1 it will  be strange if we can't  
hit it off together4 ,i like your       
presence and talk1  and am glad to think
 you are in the house4 ,don't be        
anxious6 ,the difficulty  with you is   
that you will foresee all your troubles 
beforehand1 and try to  bolt them in a  
lump1 instead of swallowing them one by 
one as they come4  ,live for the day6   
,there was something magnetic about him1
 for by these few  words he established 
a little special relation with me which 
was never  broken4    ,when he dismissed
 me1 ,i went and changed my things1 and 

then came down4 ,i  found that it was   
the custom for the men to go down to the
 hall about  eight4 ,father ,payne said 
that it was a great mistake to work to  
the last  minute1 and then to rush in to
 dinner4 ,he said it made people nervous
 and  dyspeptic4 ,he generally strolled 
in himself a few minutes before1 and    
sate  silent by the fire4    ,just as it
 struck eight1 and the hum of the clock 
in the hall died away1 a  little tune in
 harmony1 like a gavotte1 was played by 
softly-tingling tiny  bells4 ,i could   
not tell where the music came from2 it  
seemed to me like the  ,ariel music in  
,the ,tempest1 between earth and heaven1
 or the  chiming shower of rare device  
in ,the ,beryl ,stone4    ,father ,payne
 smiled at the little gesture ,i        
involuntarily made4 ,you're  right6 he  
said1 when it was over4 ,how can people 
talk through  that8 ,it's the clock in  
the gallery that does it--they say it   
belonged to  ,george ,,iii4 ,i hope1 if 
so1 that it gave him a few happier      

moments6 ,it is an  ingenious little    
thing1 with silver bells and hammers2   
,i'll show it you  some day4 ,it rings  
every four hours4    ,i think ,i had    
rather not see the machinery1 ,i said4  
,i never heard  anything so delicious4  
,you're right again1 said ,father       
,payne2                                 
',the isle is full of noises1    ,sounds
 and sweet airs1 that give delight and  
hurt not4'    ,let it stay at that6     
,i little thought how much ,i should    
grow to connect that fairy gavotte with 
,aveley4 ,it always seemed to me like a 
choir of spirits4 ,i would awake        
sometimes on summer nights and hear it  
chiming in the silent house1 or at  noon
 it would come faintly through the      
passages4 ,that1 and the songs of the   
birds in the shrubberies1 always flash  
into my mind when ,i think of the       
place2 because it was essentially a     
silent house1 more noiseless than any ,i
  have ever lived in2 and ,i love the   
thought of its silence2 and of its      

fragrance--for that was another note of 
the place4 ,in the hall stood great     
china jars with pierced covers1 which   
were always full of pot-pourri2 there   
was another in the library1 and another 
in ,father ,payne's study1 and two  more
 in the passage above which looked out  
by the little gallery upon the  hall4   
,silence and fragrance always1 in the   
background of all we did2 and  outlining
 itself upon the stillness1 the little  
melody1 jetting out like a  fountain of 
silver sound4        ,,vi    ,,father   
,,payne      ,that evening after dinner 
we two were left with ,barthrop in the  
smoking-room1 and we talked freely about
 ,father ,payne4 ,barthrop said that    
his past was a little mysterious4 ,he   
was at ,marlborough1 you know1 and      
,oxford2 and after that1 he lived in    
town1 took pupils1 and tried to         
write--but he was not successful1 and   
had much difficulty in getting  along4  
,what is his line exactly8 said         
,vincent4 ,that's just it1 said         

,barthrop1 he hasn't any line4 ,he has a
 wide knowledge of things1 and is       
quicker at picking up the drift of a    
subject than anyone ,i know2 and he has 
a rare power of criticism4 ,but he isn't
 anything in particular4 ,he can't      
write a bit1 he is not a speaker1 he    
isn't learned1 he can teach able        
people1 but he couldn't teach stupid    
men--he hasn't enough patience4 ,i      
can't imagine any line of life for which
 he would be exactly fitted3 and  yet   
he's the biggest person ,i have ever    
met2 he carries us all along with  him1 
like a river4 ,you can't resist him1 you
 can't contradict him4 ,that is  the one
 danger1 that he exerts more influence  
than he knows1 so that when  you are    
with him1 it is hard to be quite        
yourself4 ,but he puts the wind  into   
your sails2 and1 my word1 he can take it
 out of your sails1 if he  likes6 ,i    
have only seen him really angry about   
twice1 and then it was  really          
appalling4 ,once was when a man lied to 

him1 and once was when a man  was       
impertinent to him4 ,he simply blasted  
them with his displeasure--that  is the 
only word4 ,he hates getting angry--,i  
expect he had a bad temper  once--and he
 apologises afterwards2 but it's no     
use--it's like a  thunderstorm          
apologising to a tree which has been    
struck4 ,i don't think he  knows his    
strength4 ,he believes himself to be    
sensitive and weak-willed--,i  have     
heard him say so4 ,the fact is that he  
dislikes doing an unpleasant  thing or  
speaking severely2 and he will take a   
lot of trouble to avoid a  scene1 or to 
keep an irritable man in a good temper4 
,but if he lets himself  loose6 ,i can't
 express to you the sort of terror ,i   
have in thinking of  those two          
occasions4 ,he didn't say very much1 but
 he looked as if he were  possessed by  
any number of devils4    ,he was never  
married1 ,i suppose8 ,i said4    ,no1   
said ,barthrop1 and yet he seems to make
 friends with women very  easily--in    

fact1 they tend to fall in love with    
him1 if ,i may say so4 ,he  has got a   
beautiful manner with them1 and he is   
simply devoted to children4  ,you will  
see that they really rather worship him 
in the village4 ,he knows  everyone in  
the place1 and never forgets a fact     
about them4    ,what does he do mostly8 
,i said4    ,i really don't know1 said  
,barthrop4 ,he is rather a solitary man4
 ,he very  often has one of us in for an
 hour in the evening or morning--but we 
don't  see much of him in the afternoon2
 he gardens or walks about4 ,he has a   
quick  eye for things1 birds and plants1
 and so on2 and he can find more nests  
in  an hour than any man ,i ever saw4   
,sometimes he will go and shut himself  
up  in the church--he is rather fond of 
going to church2 he always goes to the  
,communion4    ,does he expect us to go8
 ,i said4    ,no1 said ,barthrop4 ,he   
rather likes us to go1 but he doesn't at
 all like  us going to please him4 ',i  
want you to want to go1' ,i heard him   

say once1  'but ,i don't want you to go 
because ,i want you4' ,and he has no    
particular views1 ,i think1 about the   
whole thing--at least not for other     
people4    ,tell me some more about him1
 ,i said4    ,what is there to say8 said
 ,barthrop4 ,he is just there--the      
biggest fact  on the horizon4 ,oh yes1  
there is one thing2 he is tremendously  
devoted to  music4 ,we have some music  
in the evenings very often4 ,you saw the
 organ in  the gallery--it is rather a  
fine one1 and he generally has someone  
here who  can play4 ,lestrange is a     
first-rate musician4 ,father ,payne     
can't play  himself1 but he knows all   
about it1 and composes sometimes4 ,but  
,i think he  looks on music as rather a 
dangerous indulgence1 and does not allow
 himself  very much of it4 ,you can see 
how it affects him4 ,and you mustn't be 
taken  in by his manner4 ,you might     
think him heavy and unperceptive1 with  
that  quiet and rather secret eye of    
his2 yet he notices everything1 always1 

and  far quicker than anyone else4 ,but 
it is hard to describe him1 because he  
can't do anything much1 and you might   
think he was indolent2 and yet he is    
the biggest person ,i have ever seen1   
the one drawback being that he credits  
other people with being big too4    ,i  
notice that you call him ',father       
,payne1' said ,vincent4 ,does that mean 
anything in particular8    ,no1 said    
,barthrop1 smiling4 ,it began as a sort 
of joke1 ,i believe--but  it seemed to  
fit him2 and it's rather convenient4 ,we
 can't begin by calling  him ',payne1'  
and ',mr4 ,payne' is a little formal4   
,some of the men call him  'sir1' but ,i
 think he likes ',father ,payne' best1  
or simply ',father1' ,you  will find it 
exactly expresses him4    ,yes1 ,i said1
 ,i am sure it does6    ,i did not sleep
 much that night4 ,the great change in  
my life had all taken  place with such  
rapidity and ease that ,i felt          
bewildered1 and the thought  of the time
 ahead was full of a vague excitement4  

,but most of all the  thought of ,father
 ,payne ran in my mind1 ,i regarded him 
with a singular  mixture of interest1   
liking1 admiration1 and dread4 ,yet he  
had contrived to  kindle a curious flame
 in my mind4 ,it was not that ,i fully  
understood what  he was working for1 but
 ,i was conscious of a great desire to  
prove to him  that ,i could do          
something1 exhibit some tenacity1       
approve myself to him4 ,i  wanted to    
make him retract what he had said about 
me2 and1 further on1 ,i  had a dim sense
 of an initiation into ideas1 familiar  
enough1 but which had  only been words  
to me hitherto--power1 purpose1         
seriousness4 ,they had been  ideas which
 before this had just vaguely troubled  
my peace1 clouds hanging  in a bright   
sky4 ,i had the sense that there were   
some duties which ,i ought  to perform1 
efforts to be made1 ends to fulfil2 but 
they had seemed to me  expressed in     
rather priggish phrases1 words which    
oppressed me1 and ruffled  the surface  

of my easy joy4 ,now they loomed up     
before me as big realities  which could 
not be escaped1 hills to climb1 with no 
pleasant path round  about their bases4 
,i seemed in sight of some inspiring    
secret4 ,i could not  tell what it was1 
but ,father ,payne knew it1 might show  
it me8    ,thus ,i drowsed and woke1 a  
dozen times1 till in the glimmer of the 
early  light ,i rose and drew back my   
curtains4 ,the dawn was struggling up   
fitfully  in the east1 among cloudy     
bars1 tipping and edging them with      
smouldering  flashes of light1 and there
 was a lustrous radiance in the air4    
,then1 to my  surprise1 looking down at 
the silent garden1 pale with dew1 ,i saw
 the great  figure of ,father ,payne1   
bare-headed1 wrapt in a cloak1 pacing   
solidly and1  ,i thought1 happily among 
the shrubberies1 stopping every now and 
then to  watch the fiery light and to   
breathe the invigorating air--and ,i    
felt then  that1 whatever he might be   
doing1 he at all events was something1  

in  a sense which applied to but few    
people ,i knew4 ,he was not hard1       
unimaginative1 fenced in by stupidity   
and self-righteousness from  unhappiness
 and doubt1 as were some of the men     
accounted successful whom ,i  knew4 ,no1
 it was something positive1 some        
self-created light1 some stirring  of   
hidden force1 that emanated from him1   
such as ,i had never encountered        
before4        ,,vii    ,,the ,,men     
,i can attempt no sort of chronicle of  
our days1 which indeed were quiet and   
simple enough4 ,i have only preserved in
 my diary the record of a few scenes    
and talks and incidents4 ,i will1       
however1 first indicate how our party1  
as  ,i knew it1 was constituted1 so that
 the record may be intelligible4        
,first of us came ,leonard ,barthrop1   
who was1 partly by his seniority and    
partly by his temperament1 a sort of    
second-in-command in the house1 much    
consulted and trusted by ,father ,payne4
 ,he was a man of about thirty-five1    

grave1 humorous1 pleasant4 ,if one was  
in a minor difficulty1 too trivial to   
take to ,father ,payne1 it was natural  
to consult ,barthrop2 and he sometimes1 
too1 would say a word of warning to a   
man1 if a storm seemed to be brewing4   
,it must not be denied that men         
occasionally got on ,father ,payne's    
nerves1  quite unconsciously1 through   
tactlessness or stupid mannerisms--and  
,barthrop was able to smooth the        
situation out by a word in season4 ,he  
had a  power of doing this without      
giving offence1 from the obvious        
goodwill which  permeated all he did4   
,barthrop was not very sociable or      
talkative1 and he  was occupied1 ,i     
think1 in some sort of historical       
research--,i believe he  has since made 
his name as a judicious and interesting 
historian2 but ,i  knew little of what  
he was doing1 and indeed was hardly     
intimate with him1  though always at    
ease in his company4 ,he was not a man  
with strong  preferences or prejudices1 

nor was he in any sense a brilliant or  
suggestive writer1 ,i think he had      
merged himself very much in the life of 
our little society1 and kept things     
together more than ,i was at first      
aware4    ,then came ,kaye1 one of the  
least conspicuous of the whole group1   
though he  has since become perhaps the 
best known1 by his poems and his        
beautiful  critical studies in both art 
and literature4 ,kaye is known as one of
 those  rare figures in literature1 a   
creative critic4 ,his rich and elaborate
  style1 his exquisite sidelights1 his  
poetical faculty of interpretation1     
make his work famous1 though hardly     
popular4 ,but ,i found that he worked   
very slowly and even painfully1         
deliberately secreting his honey1 and   
depositing it cell by cell4 ,he had a   
peculiar intimacy with ,father ,payne1  
who treated him with a marked respect4  
,kaye was by far the most absorbed of   
the party1 went and came like a great   
moth1 was the first to disappear1 and   

generally the last to arrive4 ,neither  
did he make any attempt at  friendship4 
,he was a handsome and graceful fellow1 
now about thirty1 with a  worn sort of  
beauty in his striking features1 curling
 hair1 long languid  frame1 and fine    
hands4 ,his hands1 ,i used to think1    
were the most eloquent  things about    
him1 and he was ever making silent      
little gestures with them1  as though   
they were accompanying unuttered trains 
of thought2 but he had1  too1 a strained
 and impatient air1 as if he found the  
pursuit of phrases a  wearing and       
hazardous occupation4 ,i used to feel   
,kaye the most attractive  and          
impressive of our society2 but he       
neither made nor noticed any signals  of
 goodwill1 though always courteous and  
kindly4    ,pollard was a totally       
different man3 he was about             
twenty-eight1 and he was  writing some  
work of fiction4 ,he was a small1       
sturdy1 rubicund creature1  with beady  
eyes and pink cheeks1 cherubic in       

aspect1 entirely good-natured  and      
lively1 full of not very exalted humour1
 and with a tendency to wild  and even  
hysterical giggling4 ,i used to think   
that ,father ,payne did not  like him   
very much2 but he was a quick and       
regular worker1 and it was  impossible  
to find fault with him4 ,he was         
extremely sociable and  appreciative1   
and ,i used to find his company a relief
 from the strain which  at times made   
itself felt4 ,pollard had a way of      
getting involved in absurd  adventures1 
which he related with immense gusto2 and
 he had a really  wonderful power of    
description--more so in conversation    
than in  writing--and of humorous       
exaggeration1 which made him a          
delightful  companion4 ,but he was never
 able to put the best of himself into   
his books1  which tended to be          
sentimental and even conventional4      
,then there was ,lestrange2 and ,i think
 he was the least congenial of the  lot4
 ,he was a handsome1 rather             

clerical-looking man of about           
twenty-eight1  who had been brought up  
to take orders1 and had decided against 
doing so4  ,he was very much in earnest1
 in rather a tiresome way1 and his      
phrases were  conventional and          
pietistic4 ,i used to feel that he      
jarred a good deal on  ,father ,payne1  
but much was forgiven him because of his
 musical talents1  which were really    
remarkable4 ,his organ-playing1 with its
 verve1 its  delicacy1 and its quiet    
mastery1 was delicious to hear1 he was  
engaged in  writing music mainly1 and   
had a piano all to himself in a little  
remote  room beyond the dining-room1    
which looked out to the stable-yard and 
had  formerly been an estate-office4 ,we
 used to hear faint sounds wafted down  
the garden when the wind was in the     
west4 ,he was friendly1 but he had the  
absorption of the musician in his art1  
which is unlike all other artistic      
absorptions1 because it seems literally 
to check the growth of other  qualities 

and interests4 ,in fact1 in many ways   
,lestrange was like a pious  child4 ,he 
was apt to be snubbed by ,father ,payne1
 but he was wholly  indifferent to all  
irony4 ,i used to listen to him playing 
the organ in the  evenings1 and a       
language of emotions and visions        
certainly streamed from  his fingers    
which he was never able to put into     
words4 ,father ,payne treated  him as   
one might treat an inspired fool1 with a
 mixture of respect and  sharpness4     
,then there was ,rose1 a man of         
twenty-five1 a curious mixture of       
knowledge1  cynicism1 energy1 and       
affectionateness4 ,i found ,rose a very 
congenial  companion1 though ,i never   
felt sure what he thought1 and never    
aired my  enthusiasms in his presence4  
,he had great aplomb1 and was troubled  
by no  shyness nor hesitation4 ,there   
was a touch of frostiness at times      
between  him and ,father ,payne4 ,rose  
was paradoxical and whimsical1 and was  
apt to  support fantastic positions with

 apparent earnestness4 ,but he was an   
extremely capable and sensible man1 and 
had a knack of dropping his             
contentiousness the moment it began to  
give offence4 ,he was by far the most   
mundane of us1 and had some command of  
money4 ,i used to fancy that ,father    
,payne was a little afraid of him1 when 
he displayed his very considerable      
knowledge of the world4 ,his father was 
a wealthy man1 a member of  ,parliament1
 and ,rose really knew social personages
 of the day4 ,i doubt if  he was ever   
quite in sympathy with the idea of the  
place1 but ,i used to  feel that his    
presence was a wholesome sort of        
corrective1 like the vinegar  in the    
salad4 ,i believe he was writing a play1
 but he has done nothing  since in      
literature1 and was in many ways more   
like a visitor than an  inmate4    ,then
 came my friend ,vincent1 a solid1      
good-natured1 hard-working man1 with  a 
real enthusiasm for literature1 not very
 critical or even imaginative1  but with

 a faculty for clear and careful        
writing4 ,he was at work on a  realistic
 novel1 which made some little          
reputation2 but he has become  since1   
what ,i think he always was meant to be1
 an able journalist and an  excellent   
leader-writer on political and social   
topics4 ,vincent was the  most          
interested of all of us in current      
affairs1 but at the same time had a     
quiet sort of enthusiasm1 and a power of
 idealising people1 ardently but        
unsentimentally1 which made him the most
 loyal of friends4    ,the only other   
person of whom we saw anything was the  
,vicar of the  parish--a safe1 decorous1
 useful man1 a distant cousin of ,father
 ,payne's4  ,his wife was a             
good-humoured and conventional woman4   
,their two daughters  were pleasant1    
unaffected girls1 just come to          
womanhood4 ,lestrange  afterwards       
married one of them4    ,we were not    
much troubled by sociabilities4 ,the    
place was rather isolated1  and ,father 

,payne had the reputation of being      
something of an eccentric4  ,moreover1  
the big neighbouring domain1 ,whitbury  
,park1 blocked all access to  north and 
west4 ,the owner was an old and invalid 
peer1 who lived a very  secluded life   
and entertained no one4 ,to the south   
there was nothing for  miles but farms  
and hamlets1 while the only near        
neighbour in the east was  a hunting    
squire1 who thought ,father ,payne kept 
a sort of boarding-house1  and ignored  
him entirely4 ,the result was that      
callers were absolutely  unknown1 and   
the wildest form of dissipation was that
 ,pollard and ,rose  occasionally played
 lawn-tennis at neighbouring vicarages4 
,we were not often all there together1  
because ,father ,payne's scheme of      
travel was strictly adhered to4 ,he     
considered it a very integral part of   
our life4 ,i never quite knew what his  
plan was2 but he would send a man  off1 
generally alone1 with a solid sum for   
travelling expenses4 ,thus  ,lestrange  

was sent for a month to ,berlin when    
,joachim held court there1 or  to       
,dresden and ,munich4 ,i remember       
,pollard and ,vincent being packed off  
to  ,switzerland together to climb      
mountains1 with stern injunctions to be 
sociable4 ,rose went to ,spain1 to      
,paris1 to ,st4 ,petersburg4 ,kaye went 
more  than once to ,italy2 but we often 
went to different parts of ,england1 and
  then we were generally allowed to go  
together2 but ,father ,payne's theory   
was that we should travel alone1 learn  
to pick up friends1 and to fend for     
ourselves4 ,he had acquaintances in     
several parts of the ,continent1 and we 
were generally provided with a letter of
 introduction to some one4 ,we had a    
fortnight in ,june and a fortnight at   
,christmas to go home--so that we were  
always away for three months in the     
year1 while ,father ,payne was apt to   
send us off for a week at a time1 if he 
thought we needed a change4  ,barthrop1 
,i think1 made his own plans1 and it was

 all reasonable enough1 as  ,father     
,payne would always listen to           
objections4 ,some of us paid for        
ourselves on those tours1 but he was    
always willing to supplement it         
generously4    ,it used to be a puzzle  
to me how ,father ,payne had the command
 of so much  money2 his estate was not  
large2 but in the first place he spent  
very  little on himself1 and our life   
was extremely simple4 ,moreover1 ,i     
became  aware that some of his former   
pupils and friends used to send him     
money at  times for this express        
purpose4    ,the staff consisted of the 
old butler1 whose wife was cook4 ,there 
were  three other maid-servants2 the    
gardener was also coachman4 ,the house  
was  certainly clean and well-kept2 we  
looked after ourselves to a great       
extent2  but there was never any        
apparent lack of money1 though1 on the  
other hand1  there was every sign of    
careful economy4 ,father ,payne never   
talked about  money4 ,it's an           

interesting thing1 money1 ,i have heard 
him say1 and it's  curious to see how   
people handle it--but we must not do it 
too much honour1  and it isn't a thing  
that can be spoken of in general        
conversation4        ,,viii    ,,the    
,,method      ,i do not propose to make 
any history of events1 or to say how1   
within a  very short time1 ,i fell into 
the life of the place4 ,i will only say 
what  were the features of the scheme1  
and how the rule1 such as it was1 worked
  out4    ,first of all1 and above all1 
came the personality of ,father ,payne1 
which  permeated and sustained the whole
 affair4 ,it was not that he made it his
  business to drive us along4 ,it was   
not a case of the guiding hand in front 
and the propelling foot behind4 ,he     
seldom interfered1 and sometimes for a  
considerable space one would have no    
very direct contact with him4 ,he was a 
man who was always intent1 but by no    
means always intent on shepherding4 ,i  
should find it hard to say how he spent 

his time4 ,he was sometimes to all      
appearances entirely indolent and       
good-natured1 when he would stroll      
about1  talk to the people in the       
village1 and look after the little farm 
which he  kept in his own hands under a 
bailiff4 ,at another time he would be   
for long  together in an abstracted     
mood1 silent1 absent-minded1 pursuing   
some train  of thought4 ,at another time
 he would be very busy with what we were
 doing1  and hold long interviews with  
us1 making us read our work to him and  
giving  us detailed criticisms4 ,on     
these occasions he was extremely        
stimulating1  for the simple reason that
 he always seemed to grasp what it was  
that one  was aiming at1 and his        
criticisms were all directed to the     
question of how  far the original       
conception was being worked out4 ,he did
 not1 as a rule1  point out a different 
conception1 or indicate how the work    
could be done on  other lines4 ,he      
always grasped the plan and intention1  

and really seemed to  be inside the mind
 of the contriver4 ,he would say2 ,i    
think the theme is  weak here--and you  
can't make a weak place strong by       
filling it with  details1 however good  
in themselves4 ,that is like trying to  
mend the ,slough  of ,despond with      
cartloads of texts4 ,the thing is not to
 fall in1 or1 if you  fall in1 to get   
out4 ,his three divisions of a subject  
were what you say1  what you wanted to  
say1 what you ought to have wanted to   
say4 ,sometimes he  would listen in     
silence1 and then say3 ,i can't         
criticise that--it is all  off the      
lines4 ,you had better destroy it and   
begin again1 ,or he would say3  ,you had
 better revise that and polish it up4   
,it won't be any good when it  is       
done--these patched-up things never are2
 but it will be good practice1  ,he was 
encouraging1 because he never overlooked
 the good points of any  piece of       
writing4 ,he would say3 ,the detail is  
good1 but it is all too big  for its    

place1 quite out of scale2 it is like a 
huge ear on a small head1  ,or he would 
say3 ,those are all things worth saying 
and well said1 but they  are much too   
diffuse4 ,he used to tell me that ,i was
 apt to stop the  carriage when ,i was  
bound on a rapid transit1 and go for a  
saunter among  fields4 ,i don't object  
to your sauntering1 but you must intend 
to  saunter--you must not be attracted  
by a pleasant footpath4 ,sometimes he   
could be severe1 ,that's vulgar1 he once
 said to me1 and you can't make  it     
attractive by throwing scent about1 ,or 
he would say3 ,that's a                 
platitude--which means that it may be   
worth thinking and feeling1 but not     
worth saying4 ,you can depend upon your 
reader feeling it without your  help1   
,or he would say3 ,you don't understand 
that point4 ,it is a case of  the blind 
leading the blind4 ,cut the whole       
passage1 and think it out  again1 ,or he
 would say3 ,that is all too compressed4
 ,you began by walking1  and now you are

 jumping4 ,or he would say3 ,there is a 
note of personal  irritation about that2
 it sounds as if you had been reading an
 unpleasant  review4 ,it is like the    
complaint of the nightingale leaning her
 breast  against a thorn in order to get
 the sensation of pain4 ,you seem to be 
wiping your eyes all through--you have  
not got far enough away from your       
vexation4 ,your attempt to give it a    
humorous turn reminds me of ,miss       
,squeers' titter--you must never titter6
 ,once or twice in early times ,i  used 
to ask him how he would do it4 ,don't   
ask me6 he said4 ,i  haven't got to do  
it--that's your business2 it's no use   
your doing it in  my way2 all ,i know is
 that you are not doing it in your way4 
,he was very quick at noticing any      
mannerisms or favourite words4 ,all good
  writers have mannerisms1 of course1 he
 would say1 but the moment that the     
reader sees that it is a mannerism the  
charm is gone4 ,his praise was  rarely  
given1 and when it came it was generous 

and rich4 ,that is  excellent1 ,i can   
hear him say1 ,you have filled your     
space exactly1 and  filled it well4     
,there is not a word to add or to take  
away4 ,he was always  prepared to listen
 to argument or defence4 ,very          
well--read it again4  ,then1 at the end1
 he would say3 ,yes1 there is something 
in that4 ,you meant  to anticipate8 ,i  
don't mind that6 ,but you have          
anticipated too much1 made  it too      
clear2 it should just be a hint1 no     
more1 which will be explained  later4   
,don't blurt6 ,you have taken the wind  
out of your sails by explaining  it too 
fully4    ,sometimes he would leave us  
alone for two or three weeks together1  
and then  say frankly that one had been 
wasting time1 or the reverse4 ,you must 
not  depend upon me too much2 you must  
learn to walk alone4    ,every week we  
had a meeting1 at which some one read a 
fragment aloud4 ,at  these meetings he  
criticised little himself1 but devoted  
his attention to  our criticisms4 ,he   

would not allow harshness or abruptness 
in what we said4  ,we don't want your   
conclusions or your impressions--we want
 your reasons4  ,or he would say3 ,that 
is a fair criticism1 but unsympathetic4 
,it is in the  spirit of a reviewer who 
wants to smash a man4 ,we don't want    
,stephen to be  stoned here1 we want him
 confuted4 ,i remember once how he said 
with  indignation3 ,that is simply      
throwing a rotten egg6 ,and its maturity
 shows  that it was kept for that       
purpose6 ,you are not criticising1 you  
are only  paying off an old score6      
,but ,i think that the two ways in which
 he most impressed himself were by  his 
conversation1 when we were all together1
 and by his tte--tte  talks1 if one     
happened to be his companion4 ,when we  
were all together he  was humorous1     
ironical1 frank4 ,he did not mind what  
was said to him1 so  long as it was     
courteously phrased2 but ,i have heard  
him say3 ,we must  remember we are      
fencing--we must not use bludgeons4 ,or3

 ,you must not talk  as if you were     
scaring birds away--we are all equal    
here4 ,he was very  unguarded himself in
 what he said1 and always maintained    
that talkers ought  to contribute their 
own impressions freely and easily4 ,he  
used to quote  with much approval ,dr4  
,johnson's remark about his garrulous   
old  school-fellow1 ,edwards4 ,boswell  
said1 when ,edwards had gone1 that he   
thought him a weak man4 ,why1 yes1 sir1 
said ,johnson4 ,here is a man who  has  
passed through life without experiences2
 yet ,i would rather have him  with me  
than a more sensible man who will not   
talk readily4 ,this man is  always      
willing to say what he has to say4      
,father ,payne used to add3 ,the  point 
is to talk2 you must not consider your  
reputation2 say whatever comes  into    
your head1 and when you have learnt to  
talk1 you can begin to select4  ,i have 
heard him say2 ,go on1 some one6 ,it is 
everybody's business here to  avoid a   
pause4 ,don't be sticky6 ,pauses are for

 a tte--tte4 ,or1  again1 ,i have heard 
him say3 ,you mustn't examine witnesses 
here6 ,you  should never ask more than  
three questions running4 ,he did not by 
any  means keep his own rules2 but he   
would apologise sometimes for his       
shortcomings4 ,i'm hopeless to-day4 ,i  
can't attend1 ,i can't think of         
anything in particular4 ,i'm diluted1   
,i'm weltering--,i'm coming down like a 
shower4    ,the result of this certainly
 was that we most of us did learn to    
talk4 ,he  liked to thrash a subject    
out1 but he hated too protracted a      
discussion4  ,here1 we've had enough of 
this4 ,it's very important1 but ,i'm    
getting  bored4 ,i feel priggish4 ,help1
 help6    ,on the other hand1 he was    
even more delightful in a tte--tte4 ,he 
would say profound and tender things1   
let his emotions escape him4 ,he had    
with me1 and ,i expect with others1 a   
sort of indulgent and paternal way  with
 him4 ,he never forgot a confidence1 and
 he used to listen delightedly  to      

stories of one's home circle4 ,tell me  
some stories about ,aunt ,jane1 he      
would say to me4 ,there is something    
impotently fiery about that good lady   
that ,i like4 ,tell me again what she   
said when she found cousin ,frank in a  
smoking-cap reading ,thomas--,kempis4   
,he had a way of quoting one's own      
stories which was subtly flattering1 and
 he liked sidelights of a  good-natured 
kind on the character of other members4 
,why won't he say such  things to me8 he
 used to say4 ,he thinks ,i should      
respect him less1 when  really ,i should
 admire him more4 ,he won't let me see  
when his box is empty6  ,i suspect him  
of reading ,bartlett's ,familiar        
,quotations before he  goes a walk with 
me6 ,or he would say3 ,in a general talk
 you must think  about your companions2 
in a tte--tte you must only feel him4   
,but the most striking thing about      
,father ,payne was this4 ,though we were
 all  very conscious of his influence1  
and indeed of his authority2 though we  

knew that he meant to have his own way1 
and was quite prepared to speak  frankly
 and act decisively1 we were never      
conscious of being watched or  censured 
or interfered with4 ,in ninety-nine     
cases out of a hundred it was a  pure   
pleasure to meet him and to be with him1
 and many a time have ,i seen  him1 in a
 moment of leisure1 strolling in the    
garden1 and hurried out just  on the    
chance of getting a word or a smile1 or1
 if he was in an expansive  mood1 having
 my arm taken by him for a little turn4 
,in the hundredth case1  it happened    
that one might have said or done        
something which one knew that  he would 
disapprove4 ,but1 as he never stored    
things up or kept you waiting1  you     
could be sure he would speak soon or not
 at all4 ,often1 too1 he would  just    
say3 ,i don't think that your remark to 
,kaye gave a fair impression of         
yourself1 or1 ,why waste your powder as 
you did to-night8 ,i was only once  or  
twice directly rebuked by him1 and that 

was for a prolonged neglect4  ,you don't
 care1 he once said to me emphatically4 
,i can't do  anything for you if you    
don't care6 ,but he was the most        
entirely placable  of men4 ,a word of   
regret or apology1 and he would say3    
,don't give it  another thought1 my boy1
 or1 ,that's all right1 then4    ,the   
real secret of his influence was that he
 took not a critical or even a          
dispassionate view of each of us1 but an
 enthusiastic view4 ,he took no         
pleasure in our shortcomings2 they were 
rather of the nature of an active       
personal disappointment4 ,the result was
 simply that you were natural with  him1
 but natural with the added sense that  
he liked you and thought well of  you1  
and expected friendship and even        
brilliance from you4 ,you felt that he  
knew you well1 and recognised your      
faults and weaknesses1 but that he knew 
your best side even better1 and enjoyed 
the presence of it4 ,i never knew       
anyone who was so appreciative1 and     

though ,i said foolish things to him    
sometimes1 ,i felt that he was glad that
 ,i should be my undisguised self4 ,it  
was thus delicately flattering to be    
with him1 and it gave confidence and    
self-respect4 ,that was the basis of our
 whole life1 the goodwill and  affection
 of ,father ,payne1 and the desire to   
please him4        ,,ix    ,,father     
,,payne      ,father ,payne was a big   
solid man1 as ,i have said1 but he      
contrived to give  the impression of    
being even bigger than he was4 ,it was  
like the ,irish  estate1 of which its   
owner said that it had more land to the 
acre than any  place he knew4 ,this was 
the result1 ,i suppose1 of what         
,barthrop once dryly  called the        
effortless expansion of ,father ,payne's
 personality4 ,i suppose  he was about  
six-foot-two in height1 and he must have
 weighed fifteen stone  or even more4   
,he was not stout1 but all his limbs    
were solid1 so that he  filled his      
clothes4 ,his hands were big1 his feet  

were big4 ,he wore a rather  full beard3
 he was slightly bald when ,i knew him1 
but his hair grew rather  long and      
curly4 ,he always wore old clothes--but 
you were never conscious of  what he    
wore3 he never looked1 as some people   
do1 like a suit of clothes  with a      
person inside them4 ,thinking it over1  
it seems to me that the reason  why you 
noticed his clothes so little1 when you 
were with him1 was because  you were    
always observing his face1 or his hands1
 which were extremely  characteristic of
 him1 or his motions1 which had a       
lounging sort of grace  about them4     
,heavy men are apt on occasions to look 
lumbering1 but ,father  ,payne never    
looked that4 ,his whole body was under  
his full control4 ,when he  walked1 he  
swung easily along2 when he moved1 he   
moved impetuously and  eagerly4 ,but his
 face was the most remarkable thing     
about him4 ,it had no  great distinction
 of feature1 and it was sanguine1 often 
sunburnt1 in hue4  ,but1 solid as it    

was1 it was all alive4 ,his big dark    
eyes were brimful of  amusement and     
kindliness1 and it was like coming into 
a warm room on a cold  day to have his  
friendly glance directed upon you4 ,as  
he talked1 his  eyebrows moved swiftly1 
and he had a look1 with his eyes        
half-closed and  his brows drawn up1 as 
he waited for an answer1 of what the old
 books call  quizzical--a sort of       
half-caressing irony1 which was very    
attractive4 ,he  had an impatient little
 frown which passed over his face1 like 
a ruffle of  wind1 if things went too   
slowly or heavily for his taste2 and he 
had1 too1  on occasions a deep1         
abstracted look1 as if he were following
 a thought  far4 ,there was also another
 look1 well known to his companions1    
when he  turned his eyes upwards with a 
sort of resignation1 generally          
accompanied  by a deprecating gesture of
 the hand4 ,altogether it was a most    
expressive  face1 because1 except in his
 abstracted mood1 he always seemed to be

  entirely there1 not concealing or     
repressing anything1 but bending  his   
whole mind upon what was being said4    
,moreover1 if you said anything         
personal or intimate to him1 a word of  
gratitude or pleasure1 he had a  quick1 
beautiful1 affectionate look1 so        
rewarding1 so embracing that ,i  often  
tried to evoke it--though an attempt to 
evoke it deliberately often  produced no
 more than a half-smile1 accompanied by 
a little wink1 as if he  saw through the
 attempt4    ,his great soft white      
hands1 always spotlessly clean--he was  
the  cleanest-looking man ,i ever       
saw--were really rather extraordinary4  
,they  looked at first sight clumsy1 and
 even limp2 but he was unusually deft   
and  adroit with his fingers1 and his   
touch on plants1 in gardening1 his tying
  of strings--he liked doing up         
parcels--was very quick and delicate4   
,he was  fond of all sorts of little    
puzzles1 toys of wood and metal1 which  
had to  be fitted together2 and the     

puzzles took shape or fell to pieces    
under his  fingers like magic4 ,they    
were extremely sensitive to pain1 his   
hands1 and a  little pinch or abrasion  
would cause him marked discomfort4 ,his 
handwriting  was rapid and fine1 and he 
occasionally would draw a tiny sketch to
  illustrate something1 which showed    
much artistic skill4 ,he often deplored 
his ignorance of handicraft1 which1 he  
said would have been a great relief  to 
him4    ,his voice1 again1 was          
remarkable4 ,it was not in ordinary talk
 either deep  or profound1 though it    
could and did become both on occasions1 
especially  when he made a quotation1   
which he did with some solemnity4 ,i    
used at first  to think that there was a
 touch of rhetorical affectation about  
his  quotations4 ,they were made in a   
high musical tone1 and as often as not  
ended with the tears coming into his    
eyes4 ,he spoke to me once about this4  
,he said that it was a mistake to think 
he was deeply affected by a  quotation4 

,in fact1 he said1 ,i am not easily     
affected by passionate or  tragic       
emotion--what does affect me is a       
peculiar touch of beauty1 but it  is a  
luxurious and superficial thing4 ,it    
would entirely prevent me1 he  added1   
from reading many poems or prose        
passages aloud which ,i greatly  admire4
 ,i simply could not command myself6 ,in
 fact1 he went on1 smiling1  ,i very    
often can only get to the end of a      
quotation by fixing my mind on          
something else4 ,i add up the digits    
giving the number of the page1 or ,i    
count the plates at the dinner-table4   
,it's very absurd--but it takes me in   
just the same way when ,i am alone4 ,i  
could not read the last chapter of the  
,book of ,revelation aloud to myself1 or
 the chapter on ',the ,wilderness' in   
,isaiah1 without shedding tears4 ,but it
 doesn't mean anything2 it is just  the 
hysterica passio1 you know6    ,his     
voice1 when he first joined in a talk1  
was often low and even  hesitating2 but 

when he became interested and absorbed1 
it gathered volume  and emphasis4       
,barthrop once said to me that ,father  
,payne was the only  person he knew who 
always talked in italics4 ,but he very  
seldom harangued1  though it is         
difficult to make that clear in         
recording his talks1 because  he often  
spoke continuously4 ,yet it was never a 
soliloquy3 he always  included the      
listeners4 ,he used to look round at    
them1 explore their faces1  catch an eye
 and smile1 indicate the particular     
person addressed by a  darted-out       
finger2 and he had many little free     
gestures with his hands as  he talked4  
,he would trace little hieroglyphics    
with his finger1 as if he  were writing 
a word1 sweep an argument aside1 bring  
his hands together as  though he were   
shaping something4 ,this was a little   
confusing at first1 and  used to divert 
my attention1 because of the great      
mobility of his hands2  but after a     
little it seemed to me to bring out and 

illustrate his points  in a remarkably  
salient way4    ,his habits were curious
 and a little mysterious4 ,they were by 
no means  regular4 ,sometimes for days  
together we hardly saw him4 ,he often   
rose early  and walked in the garden4   
,if he found a book which interested    
him1 he would  read it with absorbed    
attention1 quite unconscious of the     
flight of time4  ,i do love getting     
really buried in a book1 he would say2  
it's the  best of tests4 ,sometimes he  
wrote1 sometimes he composed music1     
sometimes  he would have his table      
covered with bits of paper full of      
unintelligible  designs and patterns4   
,he did not mind being questioned1 but  
he would not  satisfy one's curiosity4  
,it's only some nonsense of mine1 he    
would say4  ,he did not write many      
letters1 and they were generally short4 
,at times he  would be very busy on his 
farm1 at times occupied in the village1 
at times  he took long walks alone2 very
 occasionally he went away for a day or 

two4  ,he was both uncommunicative and  
communicative4 ,he would often talk with
 the  utmost frankness and abandon about
 his private affairs2 but1 on the other 
hand1 ,i always had the sense of much   
that was hidden in his life4 ,and ,i    
have no doubt that he spent much time in
 prayer and meditation4 ,he seldom      
spoke of this1 but it played a large    
part in his life4 ,he gave the          
impression of great ease1 cheerfulness1 
and tranquillity1 attained by some      
deliberate resolve1 because he was both 
restless and sensitive1 took  sorrows   
and troubles hardly1 and was deeply     
shocked and distressed by sad  news of  
any kind4 ,i have heard him say that he 
often had great difficulty  in forcing  
himself to open a letter which he       
thought likely to be  distressing or    
unpleasant4 ,he was naturally1 ,i       
imagine1 of an almost  neurotic         
tendency2 but he did not seem so much to
 combat this by occupation  and         
determination as to have arrived at some

 mechanical way of dealing with  it4 ,i 
remember that he said to me once3 ,if   
you have a bad business on  hand1 an    
unhappy or wounding affair1 it is best  
to receive it fully and  quietly4 ,let  
it do its worst1 realise it1 take it    
in--don't resist it1  don't try to      
distract your mind3 see the full misery 
of it1 don't attempt  to minimise it4   
,if you do that1 you will suddenly find 
something within you  come to your      
rescue and say1 ',well1 ,i can bear     
that6' and then it is all  right4 ,but  
if you try to dodge it1 it's my         
experience that there comes a  kind of  
back-wash which hurts very much indeed4 
,let the stream go over you1  and then  
emerge4 ,to fight against it simply     
prolongs the agony4 ,he  certainly      
recovered himself quicker than anyone ,i
 have ever known3 indeed ,i  think his  
recuperation was the best sign of his   
enormous vitality4 ,i'm  sensitive1 he  
said to me once1 but ,i'm tough--,i have
 a fearful power of  forgetting--it's   

much better than forgiving4 ,but the    
thing which remains  most strongly in my
 mind about him is the way in which he  
pervaded the  whole place4 ,it was      
fancy1 perhaps1 but ,i used to think ,i 
knew whether he  was in the house or    
not4 ,certainly1 if ,i wanted to speak  
to him1 ,i used to  go off to his study 
on occasions1 quite sure that ,i should 
find him2 while  on other occasions--and
 ,i more than once put this to the      
test--,i have  thought to myself1 ,it's 
no use going--the ,father is out4 ,his  
presence at  any sort of gathering was  
entirely unmistakable4 ,it was not that 
you felt  hampered or controlled3 it was
 more like the flowing of some clear    
stream4  ,when he was away1 the thing   
seemed tame and spiritless2 when he was 
there1  it was all full of life4 ,but   
his presence was not1 at least to me1 at
 all  wearisome or straining4 ,i have   
known men of great vitality who were    
undeniably fatiguing1 because they      
overcame one like a whirlwind4 ,but with

  ,father ,payne it always seemed as    
though he put wind into one's sails1 but
  left one to steer one's own course4   
,he did not thwart or deflect1 or even  
direct3 he simply multiplied one's own  
energy4 ,i never had the sensation  with
 him of suppressing any thought in my   
mind1 or of saying to myself1  ,the     
,father won't care about that4 ,he      
always did care1 and ,i used to feel    
that he was glad to be inquired of1 glad
 to have his own thoughts diverted1     
glad to be of use4 ,he never nagged2 or 
found petty fault1 or chivied you1  as  
the boys say4 ,if you asked him a       
question1 or asked him to stroll or     
walk1 you always felt that he was       
delighted1 that it was the one thing he 
enjoyed4 ,he liked to have childish     
secrets4 ,he and ,i had several little  
caches in the holes of trees1 or the    
chinks of buildings1 where we  concealed
 small coins or curious stones on our   
walks1 and at a later date  revisited   
them4 ,we were frankly silly about      

certain things4 ,he and ,i had  some    
imaginary personages--,dr4 ,waddilove1  
supposed to be a rich beneficed         
clergyman of ,tory views2 ,mr4 ,mc,turk1
 a matter-of-fact ,scotsman2 ,henry     
,bland1 a retired schoolmaster with     
copious stores of information2 and      
others--and we used often to discourse  
in character4 ,but he always knew  when 
to stop4 ,he would say to me suddenly3  
,dr4 ,waddilove said to me  yesterday   
that he never argued with atheists or   
radicals1 because they  always came     
round in the end4 ,or he would say1 in  
,henry ,bland's flute-like  tones3 ,your
 mention of ,robert ,browning induces me
 to relate an anecdote1  which ,i think 
may prove not wholly uninteresting to   
you4 ,at times we used  to tell long    
stories on our walks1 stopping short in 
the middle of a  sentence1 when the     
other had instantly to continue the     
narrative4 ,i do not  mean that the wit 
was very choice or the humour at all    
remarkable--it would  not bear being    

written down--but it amused us both4    
,come1 what shall we do  to-day8 ,i can 
hear him say4 ,dr4 ,waddilove and ,mr4  
,bland might have a walk  and discuss   
the signs of the times8 ,and then the   
ridiculous dialogue would  begin4       
,that was the delightful thing about    
him1 that he was always ready to fall   
in with a mood1 always light of touch   
and gay4 ,he could be tender and        
sympathetic1 as well as incisive and    
sensible if it was needed2 but he was   
never either contradictory or severe or 
improving4 ,he would sometimes pull     
himself up and say3 ,here1 we must be   
business-like1 but he was never         
reproachful or grieved or shocked by    
what we said to him4 ,he could be       
decisive1 stern1 abrupt1 if it was      
really needed4 ,but his most pungent    
reproofs were inflicted by a blank      
silence1 which was one of the most      
appalling things to encounter4 ,he      
generally began to speak again a few    
moments later1 on a totally different   

subject1 while any such sign of         
displeasure was extremely rare4 ,he     
never under any circumstances reminded  
anyone of his generosity1 or the trouble
 he had taken1 or the favours he  had   
conferred1 while he would often remind  
one of some trifling kindness  done to  
him4 ,i often remember how good you were
 about those accounts1 old  boy6 ,i     
should never have got through without   
you6    ,his demeanour was generally    
that of an indulgent uncle1 with that   
particular touch of nearness which in   
,england is apt to exist only among     
relations4 ,he would consult us about   
his own private worries with entire     
frankness1 and this more than anything  
made us ready to confide in him4 ,he    
used to hand us cheques or money if     
required1 with a little wink4 ,that's   
your screw6 he used to say2 and he liked
 any thanks that seemed natural4        
,natural1--that is the word that comes  
before me all through4 ,i can  remember 
no one so unembarrassed1 so easy1 so    

transparent4 ,his thought  flowed into  
his talk2 and his silences were not     
reticences1 but the busy  silence of the
 child who has a plan4 ,he gave himself 
away without economy  and without       
disguise1 and he accepted gratefully and
 simply whatever you  cared to give him 
of thought or love4 ,i think oftenest of
 how ,i sometimes  went to see him in   
the evenings3 if he was busy1 as he     
often was1 he used  just to murmur half 
to himself1 ,well1 old man8 indicate a  
chair1 put his  finger on his lips1 and 
go on with his work or his book2 but at 
intervals  he would just glance at me   
with a little smile1 and ,i knew that he
 was glad  to have me at hand in that   
simple companionship when there is no   
need of  speech or explanation4 ,and    
then the book or paper would be dropped1
 and he  would say3 ,well1 out with it4 
,if one said1 ,nothing--only company1 he
  would give one of his best and        
sweetest smiles4        ,x              
,,characteristics      ,but whatever may

 have been ,father ,payne's effect upon 
us individually or  collectively1 or    
however the result may have been        
achieved1 there was no  question of one 
thing1 and that was the ardent and      
beautiful happiness of  the place4 ,joy 
deliberately schemed for and planned is 
apt to evaporate4  ,but we were not     
hunting for happiness as men dig for    
gold4 ,we were looking  for something   
quite different4 ,we were all doing work
 for which we cared1  with kind and yet 
incisive criticism to help us2 and then 
the simplicity  and regularity of the   
life1 the total absence of all          
indulgence1 the  exercise1 the          
companionship1 the discipline1 all      
generated a kind of high  spirits that  
,i have known in no other place and at  
no other time4 ,i used to  awake in the 
morning fresh and alert1 free from all  
anxiety1 all sense of  tiresome         
engagements1 all possibility of boredom4
 ,all staleness1 weariness1  all        
complications and conventional duties1  

all jealousies and envyings1  were      
absent4 ,we were not competing with each
 other1 we were not bent on  asserting  
ourselves1 we had just each our own bit 
of work to do2 moreover  our spaces of  
travel had an invigorating effect1 and  
sent us back to ,aveley  with the zest  
of returning to a beloved home4 ,of     
course there were little  bickerings at 
times1 little complexities of           
friendship2 but these never  came to    
anything in ,father ,payne's kindly     
present4 ,sometimes a man would  get    
fretful or worried over his work2 if so1
 he was generally despatched on  a brief
 holiday1 with an injunction to do no   
work at all2 and ,i am sure  that the   
prospect of even temporary banishment   
was the strongest of all  motives for   
the suppression of strife4 ,i remember  
spring mornings1 when the  birds began  
to sing in the shrubberies1 and the beds
 were full of rising  flower-blades1    
when one's whole mind and heart used to 
expand in an ecstasy  of hope and       

delight2 ,i remember long rambles or    
bicycle rides far into the  quiet       
pastoral country1 in the summer heat1   
alone or with a single  companion1 when 
life seemed almost too delicious to     
continue2 then there  would be the      
return1 and a plunge into the           
bathing-pool1 and another quiet  hour or
 two at the work in hand1 and the       
delight of feeling that one was  gaining
 skill and ease of expression2 or again 
there would be the quick  tramp in      
winter along muddy roads1 with the      
ragged clouds hurrying across  the sky1 
with the prospect ahead of a fire-lit   
evening of study and talk2  and best of 
all a walk and a conversation with      
,father ,payne himself1 when  all that  
he said seemed to interpret life afresh 
and to put it in a new and  exciting    
aspect4 ,i never met anyone with such a 
power of linking the loose  ends of life
 together1 and of giving one so joyful a
 sense of connection  and continuance4  
,how it was done ,i cannot guess2 but   

whereas other minds  could cast light   
upon problems1 ,father ,payne somehow   
made light shine  through them1 and gave
 them a soft translucence4 ,but while he
 managed to  give one a great love of   
life itself1 it never rested there2 he  
made me  feel engaged in some sort of   
eternal business1 and though he used no 
conventional expressions1 ,i had in his 
presence a sense of vast horizons  and  
shining tracks passing into an infinite 
distance full of glory and  sweetness1  
and of death itself as a mystery of     
surprise and wonder4 ,he  taught me to  
look for beauty and harmony1 not to     
waste time in mean  controversy or in   
futile regret1 but to be always moving  
forwards1 and  welcoming every sign of  
confidence and goodwill4 ,he had a way1 
too1 of  making one realise the dignity 
and necessity of work1 without          
cherishing  any self-absorbed illusions 
about its impressiveness or its         
importance4 ,his  creed was the         
recognition of all beauty and vividness 

as an unquestionable  sign of the       
presence of ,god1 the ,power that made  
for order and health and  strength and  
peace2 and the deep necessity of growing
 to understand one  another with        
unsuspicious trustfulness and           
sympathy--the ,fatherhood of ,god1  and 
the ,brotherhood of ,man1 these were the
 doctrines by which he lived4    ,it    
used to be an extraordinary pleasure to 
me to accompany him about the  village2 
he knew every one1 and could talk with a
 simple directness and a  quiet humour  
that was inimitable4 ,i never saw so    
naturally pastoral a man4  ,he carried  
good-temper about with him1 and yet he  
could rebuke with a  sharpness which    
surprised me1 if there was need4 ,he was
 curiously tolerant1  ,i used to think1 
of sensual sins1 but in the presence of 
cruelty or  meanness or deliberate      
deceit he used to explode into the most 
violent  language4 ,i remember a scene  
which it is almost a terror to me now to
  recollect1 when ,i was walking with   

him1 and we met a tipsy farmer of a     
neighbouring village flogging his horse 
along a lane4 ,he ran up beside the     
cart1 he stopped the horse1 he roared at
 the farmer1 ,get out of your cart1  you
 d--d brute1 and lead it home4 ,the     
farmer descended in a state of          
stupefaction4 ,father ,payne snatched   
the whip out of his hand1 broke it1     
threw it over the hedge1 threatened him 
with all the terrors of the law1  and   
reduced him to a state of abject        
submission4 ,presently he recovered     
somewhat1 and in drunken wrath began to 
abuse ,father ,payne4 ,very well1  said 
,father ,payne1 you can take your       
choice3 either you lead the horse  home 
quietly1 and ,i'll see it done2 or else 
,i come with you to the village1  and   
tell the people what ,i think of you in 
the open street4 ,and if you put  up    
your fist like that again1 ,i'll run you
 home myself and hand you over to  the  
policeman4 ,i'll be d--d if ,i won't do 
it now4 ,here1 ,duncan1 he said to  me1 

you go and fetch the policeman1 and     
we'll have a little procession  back4   
,the ruffian thought better of it1 and  
led the horse away muttering1  while we 
walked behind until we were near the    
farm1 ,now get in1 and behave  yourself1
 said ,father ,payne4 ,and if you choose
 to come over to-morrow and  beg my     
pardon1 you may2 and if you don't1 ,i'll
 have you up before the  magistrates on 
,saturday next4    ,i had never seen    
such wrath2 but the tempest subsided    
instantly1 and he  walked back with me  
in high good-humour4 ,the next day the  
man came over1  and ,father ,payne said 
to me in the evening3 ,we had quite an  
affecting  scene4 ,i gave him a bit of  
my mind1 and he thanked me for speaking 
straight4 ,he's a low brute1 but ,i     
don't think he'll do the same sort of   
thing in a hurry4 ,i'll give him six    
weeks to get over his fright1 and then  
,i'll do a little patrolling6    ,his   
gentleness1 on the other hand1 with     
women and children was beautiful to     

see4 ,it was as natural for ,father     
,payne to hurry to a scene of disaster  
or  grief as it was for others to wish  
to stay away4 ,he used to speak to a    
sufferer or a mourner with great        
directness4 ,tell me all about it1 he   
would say1 and he would listen with     
little nods and gestures1 raising his   
eyebrows or even shutting his eyes1     
saying very little1 except a word or    
two of sympathy at the end4 ,he knew all
 the children1 but he never petted  them
 or made favourites1 but treated them   
with a serious kind of gravity  which he
 assured us they infinitely preferred4  
,he used to have a ,christmas           
entertainment for them at the ,hall1 as 
well as a summer feast4 ,he  encouraged 
the boys and young men to botanise and  
observe nature in all  forms1 and though
 he would never allow nests to be taken1
 or even eggs if  he could help it1 he  
would give little prizes for the noting 
of any rare  bird or butterfly4 ,if you 
want men to live in the country1 they   

must love  the country1 he used to say4 
,he kept a village club going1 but he   
never  went there4 ,it's embarrassing1  
he used to say4 ,they don't want me     
strolling in any more than ,i want them 
strolling in4 ,philanthropists have  no 
sense of privacy4 ,he did not call at   
the villagers' houses1 unless  there was
 some special event1 and his talks were 
confined to chance  meetings4 ,neither  
was there any sense of duty about it4   
,no one is taken in  by formal visiting1
 he said4 ,you must just do it if you   
like it1 or else  stay away4 ',to keep  
yourself to yourself' is the highest    
praise these  people can give4 ,no one  
likes a fuss6    ,the same sort of      
principles regulated our own            
intercourse4 ,we are not  monks1 he used
 to say2 we are ,carthusians1 hermits1  
living together for  comfort or         
convenience4 ,the solitude and privacy  
of everyone was  respected4 ,we used to 
do our talking when we took exercise2   
but there was  very little sitting and  

gossiping together tte--tte4 ,i don't   
want everyone to try to be intimate with
 everyone else1 he used to say4  ,the   
point is just to get on amicably        
together2 we won't have any cliques  or 
coteries4 ,he himself never came to any 
of our rooms1 but sent a message  if he 
wanted to see us4 ,one small thing he   
strongly objected to1 the  shouting up  
from the garden to anyone's window3     
,most offensive6 ,he  disliked all loud 
shouting and calling or singing aloud4  
,you mustn't use  the world as a private
 sitting-room4 ,and the one thing which 
used to fret  him was a voice stridently
 raised4 ,don't rouse the echoes6 he    
would say4  ,you have no more right to  
make a row than you have to use a strong
 scent  or to blow a post-horn--that's  
not liberty6 ,the result of this was    
that  the house was a singularly quiet  
one1 and this sense of silence and      
subdued  sound lives in my memory as one
 of its most refreshing characteristics4
 ,a  row is only pleasant if it is      

deliberate and organised1 he used to    
say4  ,native woodnotes wild are all    
very well1 but they are not             
civilisation4 ,to  talk audibly and     
quietly is the best proof of virtue and 
honour6        ,,xi    ,,conversation   
,i am going to try to give a few        
impressions of talks with ,father       
,payne--both public and private talks4  
,it is1 however1 difficult to do this   
without giving1 perhaps1 a wrong        
impression4 ,i used to get into the     
habit  of jotting down the things he had
 said1 and ,i improved by practice4 ,but
 he  was a rapid talker and somewhat    
discursive1 and he was often deflected  
from  his main subject by a question or 
a discussion4 ,yet ,i do not want it to 
be  thought that he was fond of         
monologue and soliloquy4 ,he was not1 ,i
 should  say1 a very talkative man2 days
 would sometimes pass without his doing 
more  than just taking a hand in        
conversation4 ,he liked to follow the   
flow of a  talk1 and to contribute a    

remark now and then2 sometimes he was   
markedly  silent2 but in no case was he 
ever oppressive4 ,occasionally1 and more
 often  in tte--tte1 he went ahead and  
talked copiously1 but this was  rather  
the exception than the rule4 ,i have not
 thought it worth while to  try to give 
the effect of our own talk4 ,we were    
young1 excitable1 and  argumentative1   
and1 though it was at the time often    
delightful and  stimulating1 it was also
 often very crude and immature4 ,father 
,payne was  good at helping a talker    
out1 and would often do justice to a    
clumsily-expressed remark which he      
thought was interesting4 ,but he was by 
far the most interesting member of the  
circle2 he spoke easily and  flowingly  
when he was moved1 and there always     
seemed to me a sense of form  about his 
talk which was absent from ours4 ,but   
under no circumstance did he  ever      
become tedious--indeed he was extremely 
sensitive to the smallest  signs of     
impatience4 ,we often tried1 so to      

speak1 to draw him out2 but if  he had  
the smallest suspicion that he was being
 drawn1 he became instantly  silent4    
,there is more coherence about some of  
the talks ,i have recorded than was     
actually the case4 ,he would diverge to 
tell a story1 or he would call one's    
attention to some sight or sound4       
,moreover his face1 his movements1 his  
gestures1 all added much to his talk4   
,he had a way of wrinkling up his brows1
 of shaking his head1 of looking  round 
with an awestruck expression1 his eyes  
wide open1 his mouth pursed  up1        
especially when he had reached some     
triumphantly absurd conclusion4 ,he  had
 two little quick gestures of the hands 
as he spoke1 opening his  fingers1      
waving a point aside1 emphasizing an    
argument by a quick downward  motion of 
his forefinger4 ,he had1 too1 a quick1  
loud1 ebullient laugh1  sometimes       
shrill1 sometimes deep2 and he abandoned
 himself to laughter at  an absurd story
 or jest as completely as anyone ,i have

 ever seen4 ,rose was  an excellent     
mimic1 and ,father ,payne used to fall  
into agonising paroxysms  of laughter at
 many of his representations4 ,but he   
always said that  laughter was with him 
a social mood1 and that he had never any
 inclination  to laugh when he was      
alone4    ,so the record of his talks   
must be taken not as typical of his     
everyday  mood1 but as instances of the 
kind of things he said when he was moved
 to  speak at large2 and even so they   
give1 ,i am aware1 too condensed an     
impression4 ,he never talked as if he   
were playing on a party or a companion  
with a hose-pipe4 ,there was never      
anyone who was more easily silenced or  
diverted4 ,but to anyone who knew him   
they will give1 ,i believe1 a true      
impression of his method of talk2 and   
perhaps they may give to those who      
never saw him a faint reflection of his 
lively and animated mind1 the  energy   
with which he addressed himself to small
 problems1 and the firm  belief which he

 always maintained1 that any evidence of
 life1 however  elementary1 was more    
encouraging and inspiring than the most 
elaborate  logic or the profoundest     
intellectual grasp of abstract subjects4
        ,,xii    ,,of ,,going ,,to      
,,church      ,i had been to church one 
summer ,sunday morning--a very simple   
affair it  was1 with nothing sung but a 
couple of hymns2 but the ,vicar read    
beautifully1 neither emphatically nor   
lifelessly1 with a little thrill in  his
 voice at times that ,i liked to hear4  
,it did not compel you to listen so     
much as invite you to join4 ,lestrange  
played the organ most divinely2 he      
generally extemporised before the       
service1 and played a simple piece at   
the  end2 but he never strained the     
resources of the little organ1 and it   
was  all simple and formal music1       
principally ,bach or ,handel4    ,father
 ,payne himself was a regular attendant 
at church1 and ,sunday was a  decidedly 
leisurely day4 ,he advised us to put    

aside our writing work1 to  write       
letters1 read1 make personal jottings1  
talk1 though there was no  inquisition  
into such things4    ,father ,payne was 
a somewhat irregular responder1 but it  
was a pleasure to  sit near him1 because
 his deep1 rapid voice gave a new       
quality to the  words4 ,he seemed happy 
in church1 and prayed with great        
absorption1 though  ,i noticed that his 
,bible was often open before him all    
through the service4  ,the ,vicar's     
sermons were good of their kind1        
suggestive rather than  provocative1    
about very simple matters of conduct    
rather than belief4 ,i  have heard      
,father ,payne speak of them with       
admiration as never being  discursive1  
and ,i gathered that the ,vicar was a   
great admirer of ,newman's  sermons4    
,we came away together1 ,father ,payne  
and ,i1 and we strolled a little in the 
garden4 ,i felt emboldened to ask him   
the plain question why he went to       
church4 ,oh1 for a lot of reasons1 he   

said1 none of them very conclusive6  ,i 
like to meet my friends in the first    
place2 and then a liturgy has a  charm  
for me4 ,it has a beauty of its own1 and
 ,i like ceremony4 ,it is not  that ,i  
think it sacred--only beautiful4 ,but ,i
 quite admit the weakness of  it1 which 
is simply that it does not appeal to    
everyone1 and ,i don't think  that our  
,anglican service is an ideal service4  
,it is too refined and  formal2 and many
 people would feel it was more religious
 if it were more  extempore--prayer and 
plain advice4    ,i told him something  
of my old childish experience1 saying   
that ,i used to  regard church as a sort
 of calling-over1 and that ,god would be
 vexed if one  did not appear4    ,he   
laughed at this4 ,yes1 ,i don't think we
 can insist on it as being a  leve1 he  
said1 where one is expected to come and 
make one's bow and pay  formal          
compliments4 ,that idea is an old       
anthropomorphic one1 of course4 ,it  is 
superstitious--it is almost debasing to 

think of ,god demanding praise as  a    
duty incumbent on us4 ',to thee all     
angels cry aloud'--,i confess ,i don't  
like the idea of heaven as a place of   
cheerful noise--that isn't  attractive6 
,and also ,i think that the attention   
demanded in our service is a            
mistake--it's a mixture of two ideas2   
the liturgical ceremony which touches   
the eye and the emotion1 rather than the
 reason2 and the sermon and the  prayer 
in which the reason is supposed to be   
concerned4 ,i think the  ,catholic idea 
is a better one1 a solemnity performed1 
in which you don't  take part1 but      
receive impressions4 ,there's no greater
 strain on the mind  than forcing it to 
follow a rapid and exalted train of     
intellectual and  literary thought and  
expression4 ,i confess ,i don't attempt 
that1 it seems  to me just a joyful and 
neighbourly business1 where one puts the
 mind in a  certain expectant mood1 and 
is lucky if one carries a single thrill 
or  aspiration away4    ,what do you do1

 then8 ,i said4    ,well1 ,i meditate1  
said ,father ,payne4 ,i believe in      
meditation very much1  and in solitude  
it is very hard work4 ,but the silent   
company of friends1  and the old arches 
and woodwork1 some simple music1 a      
ceremony1 and a  little plan of thought 
going on--that seems to me a fruitful   
atmosphere4  ,some verse1 some phrase1  
which ,i have heard a hundred times     
before1  suddenly seems written in      
letters of gold4 ,i follow it a little  
way into  the dark1 ,i turn it over1 ,i 
wonder about it1 ,i enjoy its beauty4 ,i
 don't  say that my thoughts are        
generally very startling or poignant or 
profound2  but ,i feel the sense of the 
,fatherly1 tolerant1 indulgent presence 
of ,god1  and a brotherly affection for 
my fellow-men4 ,it's a great thing to be
 in  the same place with a number of    
people1 all silent1 and on the whole    
thinking quiet1 happy1 and contented    
thoughts4 ,it all brings me into line   
with my village friends1 it gives me a  

social mood1 and ,i feel for once  that 
we all want the same things from        
life--and that for once instead of      
having to work and push for them1 we are
 fed and comforted4 ',open thy mouth    
wide1 and ,i will fill it'--that's a    
wholesome1 childlike verse1 you know4   
,the whole thing seems to me a simple   
device for producing a placid and       
expectant mood--,i don't know anything  
else that produces it so well4    ,you  
mean it is something mystical--almost   
hypnotic8 ,i said4    ,perhaps ,i should
 if ,i knew what those big words meant1 
said ,father ,payne1  smiling4 ,no2     
church seems to me a thing that has     
really grown up out of  human nature1   
not a thing imposed upon it4 ,i don't   
like what may be called                 
ecclesiasticism1 partly because it      
emphasizes the intellectual side of     
belief1 partly because it tries to cast 
a slur on the people who don't like     
ceremonial1 and whom it does not        
suit--and most of all because           

ecclesiasticism aims at making you      
believe that other people can transact  
spiritual business on your account4 ,in 
these democratic days1 you can't  have  
spiritual authority--you have got to    
find what people need1 and help  them to
 find it for themselves4 ,the plain     
truth is that we don't want  dogma4 ,of 
course it isn't to be despised1 because 
it once meant something1  even if it    
does not now4 ,dogmas are not           
unintelligible intellectual             
propositions imposed on the world4 ,they
 are explanations1 interpretations1     
attempts to link facts together4 ,they  
have the sacredness of ideas which      
people lived by1 and for which they were
 prepared to die4 ,but many of them  are
 scientific in form only1 and the       
substance has gone out of them4 ,we     
know more in one sense about life and   
,god than we did1 but we also know      
less1 because we realise there is so    
much more to know4 ,but now we want1 ,i 
believe1 two or three great ideas which 

everyone can understand--like           
,fatherhood and ,brotherhood1 like peace
 and orderliness and beauty4 ,i think   
that a church service means all these   
things1 or ought to4 ,what people need  
is simplicity and beauty of life--joy   
and hope and kindness4 ,anything which  
helps these things on is fine2 anything 
which bewilders and puzzles and  gives a
 sense of dreariness is simply          
injurious4 ,i want to be told to be     
quiet1 to try again1 not to be          
disheartened by failures1 not to be     
angry  with other people1 to give up    
things1 rather than to get them with a  
sauce  of envy and spite--the feeling of
 a happy and affectionate family1 in    
fact4  ,the sort of thing ,i don't want 
is the ,athanasian ,creed4 ,i can't     
regard it  simply as a picturesque      
monument of ancient and ferocious piety4
 ,it seems  to me an overhanging cloud  
of menace and mystification6 ,it doesn't
 hurt the  unintelligent ,christian1 of 
course--he simply doesn't understand it2

 but to  the moderately intelligent it  
is like a dog barking furiously which   
may  possibly get loose2 a little more  
intelligence1 and it is all right4 ,you 
know the dog is safely tied up6 ,again1 
,i don't mind the cursing psalms1       
because they give the parson the power  
of saying3 ',we say this to remind      
ourselves that it was what people used  
to feel1 and which ,christ came to      
change4' ,i don't mind anything that is 
human--what ,i can't tolerate is        
anything inhuman or unintelligible4 ,no 
one can misunderstand the  ,beatitudes2 
very few people can follow the arguments
 of ,st4 ,paul6 ,you don't  want only   
elaborate reasons for clever people1 you
 want still more  beautiful motives for 
simple people4 ,it isn't perfect1 our   
service1 ,i  admit1 but it does me good4
    ,tell me1 ,i said--to go back for a 
moment--something more about            
meditating--,i like that6    ,well1 said
 ,father ,payne1 it's like anchoring to 
a thought4 ,thought is a  fidgety thing1

 restless1 perverse4 ,it anchors itself 
very easily on to a  grievance1 or an   
unpleasant incident1 or a squabble4     
,don't you know the  misery of being    
jerked back1 time after time1 by an     
unpleasant thought8 ,i  think one ought 
to practise the opposite--and ,i know   
now by experience that  it is possible4 
,i will make a confession4 ,i don't care
 for many of the ,old  ,testament       
lessons myself4 ,i think there's too    
much fact1 or let us say  incident1 in  
them1 and not enough poetry4 ,well1 ,i  
take up my ,bible1 and ,i  look at ,job1
 or ,isaiah1 or the ,revelation1 and ,i 
read quietly on4 ,suddenly  there's a   
gleam of gold in the bed of the         
stream--some splendid1 deep1 fine       
thought4 ,i follow it out2 ,i think how 
it has appeared in my own life1 or in   
the lives of other people--it bears me  
away on its wings1 ,i pray about it1  ,i
 hope to be more like that--and so on4  
,sometimes it is a sharp revelation  of 
something ugly and perverse in my own   

nature--,i don't dwell long on  that1   
but ,i see in imagination how it is     
likely to trouble me1 and ,i hope  that 
it will not delude me again2 because    
these evil things delude one1  they call
 noxious tricks by fine names4 ,i say to
 myself1 ',what you pretend  is         
self-respect1 or consistency1 is really 
irritable vanity or stupid              
unimaginativeness4' ,but it is a        
mistake1 ,i think1 to dwell long on     
one's  deficiencies3 what one has got to
 do is to fill one's life full of       
positive1 active1 beautiful things1     
until there is no room for the ugly     
intruders4 ,and1 to put it shortly1 a   
service makes me think about other      
people and about ,god2 ,i fear it       
doesn't make me contrite or sorrowful4  
,i  don't believe in any sort of        
self-pity1 nor do ,i think one ought to 
cultivate shame2 those things lie close 
to death1 and it is life that ,i am  in 
search of--fulness of life4 ,don't let  
us bemoan ourselves1 or think that  a   

sign of grace6    ,but if you find      
yourself grubby1 nasty1 suspicious1     
irritable1 isn't it a  good thing to rub
 it in sometimes8 ,i said4    ,no1 no1  
said ,father ,payne1 life will do that  
hard enough4 ,turn your back  on it all1
 look at the beautiful things1 leave a  
thief to catch a thief1  and the dead to
 bury the dead4 ,don't sniff at the evil
 thing2 go and get a  breath of fresh   
air4        ,,xiii    ,,of ,,newspapers 
,father ,payne was a very irregular     
reader of the newspaper2 he was not     
greedy of news1 and he was incurious    
about events1 while he disliked the  way
 in which they were professionally      
dished up for human consumption4 ,at    
times1 however1 he would pore long and  
earnestly over a daily paper with       
knitted brows and sighs4 ,you seem to be
 suffering a good deal over your  paper 
to-day1 ,father6 said ,barthrop once1   
regarding him with amusement4  ,father  
,payne lifted up his head1 and then     
broke into a smile4 ,it's all  right1 my

 boy6 he said4 ,i don't despair of the  
world itself1 but ,i feel  that if the  
average newspaper represents the mind of
 the average man1 the  human race is    
very feeble--not worth saving6 ,this    
sort of  thing--indicating the paper    
with a wave of his hand--makes me       
realise how  many things there are that 
don't interest me--and ,i can't get at  
them  either through the medium of these
 writers' minds4 ,they don't seem to    
want  simply to describe the facts1 but 
to manipulate them2 they try to make you
  uncomfortable about the future1 and   
contented with the past4 ,it ought to be
  just the other way6 ,and then ,i ask  
myself1 ',ought ,i1 as a normal human   
being1 to be as one-sided1 as           
submissive1 as trivial1 as sentimental  
as  this8' ,these vast summaries of     
public opinion1 do they represent       
anyone's  opinion at all1 or are they   
simply the sort of thing you talk about 
in a  railway-carriage with a man you   
don't know8 ,does anyone's mind really  

dwell  on such things and ponder them8  
,the newspapers do not really know what 
is  happening--everything takes them by 
surprise4 ,the ordinary person is       
interested in his work1 his amusements1 
the people he lives with--in real       
things4 ,there seems to be nothing real 
here2 it is all shadowy1 ,i want to  get
 at men's minds1 not at what journalists
 think is in men's minds4 ,the  human   
being in the newspapers seems to me an  
utterly unreal person1  picturesque1    
theatrical1 fatuous1 slobbering1 absurd4
 ,does not the  newspaper-convention    
misrepresent us as much as the          
book-convention  misrepresents us8 ,we  
straggle irregularly along1 we are      
capable of  entertaining at the same    
moment two wholly contrary opinions1 we 
do what we  don't intend to do1 we don't
 carry out our hopes or our purposes4   
,the man  in the papers is agitated1    
excited1 wild1 inquisitive--the ordinary
 person  is calm1 indifferent1 and on   
the whole fairly happy1 unless some one 

frightens him4 ,i can't make it out1    
because it isn't a conspiracy to        
deceive1 and yet it does deceive2 and   
what is more1 most people don't even    
seem to know that they are being        
misrepresented4 ,it all seems to me to  
differ as much from real life as the    
,morning ,service read in church differs
  from the thoughts of the congregation6
    ,how would you mend it8 said        
,barthrop4 ,it seems to me it must      
represent  something4    ,something6    
said ,father ,payne4 ,i don't know6 ,i  
don't believe we are so  stupid and so  
ignoble6 ,as to mending it1 that's      
another question4 ,writing  is such a   
curious thing--it seems to represent    
anything in the world except  the       
current of a man's thoughts4            
,reverie--has anyone ever tried to      
represent that8 ,i have been out for a  
walk sometimes1 and reflected when ,i   
came in that if what has passed through 
my mind were all printed in full in  a  
book1 it would make a large octavo      

volume--and precious stuff1 too6 ,yet   
the few thoughts which do stand out when
 it is all over1 the few bright         
flashes1 they are things which can      
hardly be written down--at least they   
never are written down4    ,but what    
would you do8 ,i said--with the         
newspapers1 ,i mean4    ,well1 said     
,father ,payne1 a great deal of the news
 most worth telling can  be told best in
 pictures4 ,i believe very much in      
illustrated papers4 ,they  really do    
help the imagination4 ,that's the worst 
of words--a dozen  scratches on a bit of
 paper do more to make one realise a    
scene than  columns of description4 ,i  
would do a lot with pictures1 and a bit 
of print  below to tell people what to  
notice4 ,then we must have a number of  
bare  facts and notices--weather1       
business1 trade1 law--the sort of thing 
that  people concerned must read4 ,but  
,i would make a clean sweep of fashion1 
and  all sensational                    
intelligence--murders1 accidents1 sudden

 deaths4 ,i would  have much more       
biography of living people as well as   
dead1 and a few of the  big speeches4   
,then ,i would have really good articles
 with pictures about  foreign           
countries--we ought to know what the    
world looks like1 and how the  other    
people live4 ,and then ,i would have one
 or two really fine little  essays every
 day by the very best people ,i could   
get1 amusing1 serious1  beautiful       
articles about nature and art and books 
and ideas and  qualities--some real1    
good1 plain1 wise1 fine1 simple         
thinking4 ,you want to  get people in   
touch with the best minds6    ,and how  
many people would read such a paper8 ,i 
said4    ,oh1 ,i don't know1 ,i'm sure1 
said ,father ,payne with a groan4 ,i    
would for  one6 ,i want to have the     
feeling of being in touch day by day    
with the  clever1 interesting1 lively1  
active-minded people1 as if ,i had been 
listening to good talk4 ,isn't that     
possible8 ,instead of which ,i sit here1

  day after day1 overflowing with my own
 ridiculous thoughts--and the world     
discharging all its staleness and       
stupidity like a sewer in these horrible
  documents4 ,take it away from me1     
someone6 ,i'm fascinated by the         
disgusting  smell of it6 ,i withdrew the
 paper from under his hands4 ,thank you1
 said  ,father ,payne feebly4 ,that's   
the horror of it--that the world isn't a
 dull  place or a sensational place or a
 nasty place--and those papers make me  
feel it is all three6    ,i'm sorry you 
are so low about it1 said ,barthrop4    
,yes1 because journalism ought to be the
 finest thing in the world1 said        
,father ,payne4 ,just imagine6 ,the     
power of talking1 without any of the    
inconveniences of personality1 to       
half-a-million people4    ,but why      
doesn't it improve8 said ,barthrop4 ,you
 always say that the  public finds out  
what it wants1 and will have it4    ,in 
books1 yes6 said ,father ,payne2 but in 
daily life we are all so  damnably      

afraid of the truth--that's what is the 
matter with us1 and it is  that which   
journalism caters for4 ,suppress the    
truth1 pepper it up1 flavour  it1 make  
it appetising--try to persuade people   
that the world is  romantic--that's the 
aim of the journalist4 ,he flies from   
the truth1 he  makes a foolish tale out 
of it1 he makes people despise the real 
interests  of life1 he makes us all want
 to escape from life into something that
 never  has been and never will be4 ,i  
loathe romance with all my heart4 ,the  
way of  escape is within1 and not       
without4    ,you had better go for a    
walk1 said ,barthrop soothingly4    ,i  
must1 said ,father ,payne4 ,i'm drunk   
and drugged with unreality4 ,i will  go 
and have a look round the farm--no1 ,i  
won't have any company1 thank you4  ,i  
shall only go on fuming and stewing1 if 
,i have sympathetic listeners4 ,you  are
 too amiable1 you fellows4 ,you         
encourage me to talk1 when you ought to 
stop your ears and run from me4 ,and    

,father ,payne swung out of the room4   
,,xiv    ,,of ,,hate      ,it was at    
dinner1 one frosty winter evening1 and  
we were all in good  spirits4 ,two or   
three animated conversations were going 
on at the table4  ,father ,payne was    
telling one of his dreams to the three  
who were nearest to  him1 and1 funny as 
most of his dreams were1 this was       
unusually so4 ,there  was a burst of    
laughter and a silence--a sudden sharp  
silence1 in which  ,vincent1 who was    
continuing a conversation1 was heard to 
say to ,barthrop1  in a tone of fierce  
vindictiveness1 ,i hate him like the    
devil6 ,another  laugh followed1 and    
,vincent blushed4 ,perhaps ,i ought not 
to say that8 he  said in hurried tones4 
,you are quite right1 said ,father      
,payne to ,vincent1 encouragingly--at   
least you may be quite right4 ,i don't  
know of whom you were speaking4    ,yes1
 who is it1 ,vincent8 said someone1     
leaning forwards4    ,no1 no1 said      
,father ,payne1 that's not fair6 ,it was

 meant to be a private  confession4     
,but you don't hate people1 ,father8    
said ,lestrange1 looking rather pained4 
,i1 dear man8 said ,father ,payne4 ,yes1
 of course ,i do6 ,i loathe them6       
,where are your eyes and ears8 ,all     
decent people do4 ,how would the world  
get  on without it8    ,lestrange looked
 rather shocked4 ,i don't understand1 he
 said4 ,i always  gathered that you     
thought it our business to--well1 to    
love people4    ,our business1 yes6 said
 ,father ,payne2 but our pleasure1 no6  
,one must  begin by hating people4 ,what
 is there to like about many of us8     
,why1 ,father1 said ,vincent1 you are   
the most charitable of men6    ,father  
,payne gave him a little bow4 ,come1 he 
said1 ,i will make a  confession4 ,i am 
by nature the most suspicious of        
mankind4 ,i have all the  uncivilised   
instincts4 ,there are people of whom ,i 
hate the sight and the  sound1 and even 
the scent4 ,my natural impulse is to see
 the worst points of  everyone4 ,i admit

 that people generally improve upon     
acquaintance1 but ,i  have no weak      
sentiment about my fellow-men--they are 
often ugly1 stupid1  ill-mannered1      
ill-tempered1 unpleasant1 unkind1       
selfish4 ,it is a positive  delight     
sometimes to watch a thoroughly nasty   
person1 and to reflect how  much one    
detests him4 ,it is a sign of grace to  
do so4 ,how otherwise should  one learn 
to hate oneself8 ,if you hate nobody1   
what reason is there for  trying to     
improve8 ,it is impossible to realise   
how nasty you yourself can  be until you
 have seen other people being nasty4    
,then you say to yourself1  ',come1 that
 is the kind of thing that ,i do4 ,can  
,i really be like that8'    ,but surely1
 said ,lestrange1 if you do not try to  
love people1 you cannot  do anything for
 them2 you cannot wish them to be       
different4    ,why not8 said ,father    
,payne1 laughing4 ,you may hate them so 
much that you  may wish them to be      
different4 ,that is the sound way to    

begin4 ,i say to  myself1 ',here is a   
truly dreadful person6 ,i would abolish 
and obliterate  him if ,i could2 but as 
,i cannot1 ,i must try to get him out of
 this mess1  that we may live more at   
ease1' ,it is simple humbug to pretend  
to like  everyone4 ,you may not think it
 is entirely people's fault that they   
are so  unpleasant2 but if you really   
love fine and beautiful things1 you must
 hate  mean and ugly things4 ,don't let 
there be any misunderstanding1 he said1 
smiling round the table4 ,i have hated  
most of you at different times1 some  of
 you very much4 ,i don't deny there are 
good points about you1 but that  isn't  
enough4 ,sometimes you are detestable6  
,i see what you mean1 said ,barthrop2   
but you don't hate people--you only     
hate things in them and about them4 ,it 
is just a selection4    ,not at all1    
said ,father ,payne4 ,how are you going 
to separate people's  qualities and     
attributes from themselves8 ,it is a    
process of addition and  subtraction1 if

 you like4 ,there may be a balance in   
your favour4 ,but when a  bad mood is   
on1 when a person is bilious1 fractious1
 ugly1 cross1 you hate  him4 ,it is     
natural to do so1 and it is right to do 
so4 ,i do loathe this  talk of mild1    
weak1 universal love4 ,the only chance  
of human beings getting  on at all1 or  
improving at all1 is that they should   
detest what is  detestable1 as they     
abominate a bad smell4 ,the only reason 
why we are clean  is because we have    
gradually learnt to hate bad smells4 ,a 
bad smell means  something dangerous in 
the background--so do ugliness1         
ill-health1 bad  temper1 vanity1        
greediness1 stupidity1 meanness4 ,they  
are all danger  signals4 ,we have no    
business to ignore them1 or to forget   
them1 or to make  allowances for them4  
,they are all part of the beastliness of
 the world4    ,but if we believe in    
,god1 and in ,god's goodness--if ,he    
does not hate  anything which ,he has   
made1 said ,lestrange rather ruefully1  

ought we not  to try to do the same8    
,my dear ,lestrange1 said ,father       
,payne1 one would think you were        
teaching  a ,sunday-school class6 ,how  
do you know that ,god made the nasty    
things8 ,one  must not think so ill of  
,him as that6 ,it is better to think of 
,god as  feeble and inefficient1 than to
 make ,him responsible for all the filth
 and  ugliness of the world4 ,he hates  
them as much as you do1 you may be sure 
of  that--and is as anxious as you are1 
and a great deal more anxious1 to get   
rid of them4 ,god is infinitely more    
concerned about it1 much more           
disappointed about it1 than you or me4  
,why1 you and ,i are often taken in4    
,we don't always know when things are   
rotten4 ,i have made friends before now 
with people who seemed charming1 and ,i 
have found out that ,i was wrong4 ,but  
,i do not think that ,god is taken in4  
,it is a very mixed affair1 of course2  
but one thing is clear1 that something  
very filthy is discharging itself  into 

the world1 like a sewer into a river1 ,i
 am not going to credit ,god  with that2
 ,he is trying to get rid of it1 you may
 be sure1 and ,he cannot do  it as fast 
as ,he would like4 ,we have got to      
sympathise with ,him1 and we  have got  
to help ,him4 ,come1 someone else must  
talk--,i must get on with my  dinner1   
,father ,payne addressed himself to his 
plate with obvious appetite4    ,it is  
all my fault1 said ,vincent1 but ,i am  
not going to tell you whom ,i  meant1   
and ,barthrop must not4 ,but ,i will    
tell you how it was4 ,i was with  this  
man1 who is an old acquaintance of mine4
 ,i used to know him when ,i was  living
 in ,london4 ,i met him the other day1  
and he asked me to luncheon4 ,he  was   
pleasant enough1 but after lunch he said
 to me that he was going to  take the   
privilege of an old friend1 and give me 
some advice4 ,he began by  paying me    
compliments2 he said that he had thought
 a year ago that ,i was  really going to
 do something in literature4 ',you had  

made a little place  for yourself1' he  
said2 'you had got your foot on the     
ladder4 ,you knew the  right people4    
,you had a real chance of success4      
,then1 in the middle of it  all1 you go 
and bury yourself in the country with an
 old'--no1 ,i can't say  it4    ,don't  
mind me6 said ,father ,payne4    ,very  
well1 said ,vincent1 if you will hear   
it--'with an old  humbug1 and a set of  
asses4 ,you sit in each others' pockets1
 you praise  each others' stuff1 you    
lead what you call the simple life4     
,where will you  all be five years      
hence8' ,i told him that ,i didn't know1
 and ,i didn't care4  ,then he lost his 
temper1 and1 what was worse1 he thought 
he was keeping it4  ',very well1' he    
said4 ',now ,i will tell you what you   
ought to be doing4 ,you  ought to have  
buckled to your work1 pushed yourself   
quietly in all  directions1 never have  
written anything1 or made a friend1 or  
accepted an  invitation1 without saying1
 ,will this add to my consequence8 ,we  

must all  nurse our reputations in this 
world4 ,they don't come of              
themselves--they  have to be made6'     
,well1 ,i thought this all very         
sickening1 and ,i said ,i  didn't care a
 d--n about my reputation4 ,i said ,i   
had a chance of living  with people whom
 ,i liked1 and of working at things ,i  
cared about1 and ,i  thought his        
theories simply disgusting and vulgar4  
,he showed his teeth at  that1 and said 
that he had spoken as a true friend1 and
 that it had been a  painful task2 and  
then ,i said ,i was much obliged to him1
 and came away4  ,that's the story6     
,that's all right1 said ,father ,payne1 
and ,i am much obliged to you for  the  
sidelight on my character4 ,but there is
 something in what he said1 you  know4  
,you are rather unpractical6 ,i shall   
send you back for a bit to  ,london1 ,i 
think6    ,why on earth do you say that8
 said ,vincent1 looking a little        
crestfallen4    ,because you mind it too
 much1 my boy1 said ,father ,payne4 ,you

 must not  get soft4 ,that's the danger 
of this life6 ,it's all very well for   
me2 ,i'm  tough1 and ,i'm moderately    
rich4 ,but you would not have cared so  
much if you  had not thought there was  
something in what he said4 ,it was very 
low1 no doubt1 and ,i give you leave to 
hate him2 though1 if you are going  to  
lead the detached life1 you must be     
detached4 ,but now ,i have caught you   
up--and we will go back a little4 ,the  
mistake you made1 ,vincent1 if ,i may   
say so1 was to be angry4 ,you may hate  
people1 but you must not show that  you 
hate them4 ,that is the practical side  
of the principle4 ,the moment you  begin
 to squabble1 and to say wounding       
things1 and to try to hurt  the person  
you hate1 you are simply putting        
yourself on his level4 ,and you  must   
not be shocked or pained either4 ,that  
is worse still1 because it makes  you   
superior1 without making you engaging4  
,then what are you to do8 said          
,barthrop4    ,try persuasion if you    

like1 said ,father ,payne1 but you had  
better fall  back on attractive virtue6 
,you must ignore the nastiness1 and give
 the  pleasant qualities1 if there are  
any1 room to manoeuvre4 ,but ,i admit it
 is  a difficult job1 and needs some    
practice4    ,but ,i don't see any      
principle about it1 said ,vincent4      
,there isn't any1 said ,father          
,payne2--at least there is1 but you must
 not  dig it in4 ,you mustn't use       
principles as if they were bayonets4    
,civility is  the best medium4 ,if you  
appear to be fatuously unconscious of   
other  people's presence1 of course they
 want to make themselves felt4 ,but if  
you  are good-humoured and polite1 they 
will try to make you think well of them4
  ,that is probably why your friend     
calls me a humbug--he thinks ,i can't   
feel  as polite as ,i seem4    ,but if  
you are dealing with a real egotist1    
said ,vincent1 what are you  to do then8
    ,keep the talk firmly on himself1   
said ,father ,payne1 and1 if he ever    

strays from the subject1 ask him a      
question about himself4 ,egotists are   
generally clever people1 and no clever  
people like being drawn out1 while  no  
egotists like to be perceived to be     
egotists4 ,you know the old saying  that
 a bore is a person who wants to talk   
about himself when you  want to talk    
about yourself4 ,it is the pull against 
him that makes  the bore want to hold   
his own4 ,the first duty of the         
evangelist is to learn  to pay          
compliments unobtrusively4    ,that's   
rather a nauseous prescription6 said    
,lestrange1 making a face4    ,well1 you
 can begin with that1 said ,father      
,payne1 and when ,i see you  perfect in 
it1 ,i will tell you something else4    
,let's have some music1 and  let me get 
the taste of all this high talk out of  
my mouth6        ,,xv    ,,of ,,writing 
,there were certain days when ,father   
,payne would hurry in to meals late and 
abstracted1 with1 a cloudy eye1 that1 as
 he ate1 was fixed on a point about  a  

yard in front of him1 or possibly about 
two miles away4 ,he gave vague or       
foolish replies to questions1 he        
hastened away again1 having heard voices
  but seen no one4 ,i doubt if he could 
have certainly named anyone in the  room
 afterwards4    ,i had a little question
 of business to ask him on one such     
occasion after  breakfast4 ,i slipped   
out but two minutes after him1 went to  
his study1 and  knocked4 ,an obscure    
sound came from within4 ,he was seated  
on his chair1  bending over his         
writing-table4    ,may ,i ask you       
something8 ,i said4    ,damnation6 said 
,father ,payne4    ,i apologised1 and   
tried to withdraw on tiptoe1 but he     
said1 turning half  round1 somewhat     
impatiently1 ,oh1 come in1 come in--it's
 all right4 ,what do  you want8    ,i   
don't want to disturb you1 ,i said4     
,come in1 ,i tell you6 he said1 adding1 
you may just as well1 because ,i  have  
nothing to do for a quarter of an hour4 
,he threw a pen on the table4  ,it's one

 of my very few penances4 ,if ,i swear  
when ,i am at work1 ,i do no  work for a
 quarter of an hour2 so you can keep me 
company4 ,sit down there6  ,he indicated
 a chair with his large foot1 and ,i sat
 down4    ,my question was soon asked   
and sooner answered4 ,father ,payne     
beamed upon me  with an indulgent air1  
and ,i said3 ,may ,i ask what you were  
doing8    ,you may1 he said4 ,i rejoice 
to talk about it4 ,it's my novel4       
,your novel6 ,i said4 ,i didn't know you
 wrote novels4 ,what sort of a book  is 
it8    ,it's wretched1 he said1 it's    
horrible1 it's grotesque6 ,it's more    
like  all other novels than any book ,i 
know4 ,it's written in the most         
abominable  style2 there isn't a single 
good point about it4 ,the incidents are 
all  hackneyed1 there isn't a single    
lifelike character in it1 or a single   
good  description1 or a single remark   
worth making4 ,i should think it's the  
worst  book ever written4 ,will you hear
 a bit of it8 ,do1 now6 only a short    

bit4 ,i  should love to read it to you4 
,yes1 of course1 ,i said1 there is      
nothing ,i should like better4    ,he   
read a passage4 ,it was very bad indeed1
 ,i couldn't have imagined that an  able
 man could have written such stuff4 ,i  
had an awful feeling that ,i had  heard 
every word before4    ,there1 he said at
 last1 that's rather a favourable       
specimen4 ,what do you  think of it8    
,come1 out with it4    ,i'm afraid ,i'm 
not very much of a judge1 ,i said4      
,his face fell4 ,that's what everyone   
says1 he said4 ,i know what you mean4   
,but ,i'll publish it--,i'll be d----d  
if ,i won't6 ,oh1 dash it1 that's five  
minutes more4 ,no--,i wasn't working1   
was ,i8 ,just conversing4    ,but why do
 you write it1 if you are so            
dissatisfied with it8 ,i said  feebly4  
,why8 he said in a loud voice4 ,why8    
,because ,i love it4 ,i'm besotted by   
it4 ,it's like strong drink to me4 ,i   
doubt if there's a man in ,england who  
enjoys himself more than ,i do when ,i'm

 writing4 ,the worst of it is1 that it  
won't come out--it's beautiful enough   
when ,i think of it1 but ,i can't get   
it down4 ,it's my second novel1 mind    
you1 and ,i have got plans for three    
more4 ,do you suppose ,i'm going to sit 
here1 with all you fellows enjoying     
yourselves1 and not have my bit of fun8 
,but it's hopeless1 and ,i ought to  be 
ashamed of myself4 ,there simply isn't  
anything in the world that ,i  should   
not be better employed in doing than in 
scribbling this stuff4 ,i  know that2   
but all the authors ,i know say that    
writing a book is the part  they        
enjoy--they don't care about correcting 
proofs1 or publishing1 or  seeing       
reviews1 or being paid for it4 ,very    
disinterested and noble1 of  course6    
,now ,i should enjoy it all through1 but
 ,i simply daren't publish my  last     
one--,i should be hooted in the village 
when the reviews appeared4 ,but  ,i am  
going to have my fun--the act of        
creation1 you know6 ,but it's too late  

to begin1 and ,i have had no training4  
,the beastly thing is as sticky as      
treacle4 ,it's a sort of vomit of all   
the novels ,i have ever read1 and       
that's the truth6    ,i simply don't    
understand1 ,i said4 ,i have heard you  
criticise books1 ,i  have heard you     
criticise some of our work--you have    
criticised mine4 ,i  think you one of   
the best critics ,i ever heard4 ,you    
seem to know exactly  how it ought to be
 done4    ,yes1 he said1 frowning1 ,i   
believe ,i do4 ,that's just it6 ,i'm a  
critic1  pure and simple4 ,i can't look 
at anything1 from a pigstye to a        
cathedral1  or listen to anything1 from 
a bird singing to an orchestra1 or read 
anything1 from ,bradshaw to             
,shakespeare1 without seeing when it is 
out of  shape and how it ought to be    
done4 ,i'm like the man in ,ezekiel1    
whose  appearance was like the          
appearance of brass1 with a line of flax
 in his  hand and a measuring reed4 ,he 
goes on measuring everything for about  

five  chapters1 and nothing comes of it1
 as far as ,i can remember6 ,i suppose  
,i  ought to be content with that1 but  
,i can't bear it4 ,i hate fault-finding4
 ,i  want to make beautiful things4 ,i  
spent months over my last novel1 and1 as
  ,aaron said to ,moses1 ',there came   
out this calf6' ,i'm a very unfortunate 
man4 ,if ,i had not had to work so hard 
for many years for a bare living1 ,i    
could have done something with writing1 
,i think4 ,but now ,i'm a sort of       
plumber1 mending holes in other people's
 work4 ,never mind4 ,i will  waste my   
time6    ,all this while he was eyeing  
the little clock on his table4 ,now be  
off6  he said suddenly1 ,my penance is  
over1 and ,i won't be disturbed6 ,he    
caught  up his pen4 ,you had better tell
 the others not to come near me1 or ,i'm
  blessed if ,i won't read the whole    
thing aloud after dinner6 ,and he was   
immersed in his work again4    ,two or  
three days later ,i found ,father ,payne
 strolling in the garden1 on a  bright  

morning4 ,it was just on the verge of   
spring4 ,there were catkins in  the     
shrubbery4 ,the lilacs were all knobbed 
with green4 ,the aconite was in  full   
bloom under the trees1 and the soil was 
all pricked with little green  blades4  
,he was drinking it all in with         
delighted glances4 ,i said something    
about his book4    ,oh1 the fit's off6  
said he2 ,i'm sober again6 ,i finished  
the chapter1  and1 by ,jove1 ,i think   
it's the worst thing ,i have done yet4  
,it's simply  infamous6 ,i read it with 
strong sensations of nausea6 ,i really  
don't know  how ,i can get such         
deplorable rubbish down on paper4 ,no   
matter1 ,i get all  the rapture of      
creation1 and that's the best part of   
it4 ,i simply couldn't  live without it4
 ,it clears off some perilous stuff or  
other1 and now ,i feel  like a          
convalescent4 ,did you ever see anything
 so enchanting as that  aconite8 ,the   
colour of it1 and the way the little    
round head is tucked down  on the       

leaves6 ,i could improve on it a trifle1
 but not much4 ,god must have  had a    
delicious time designing flowers--,i    
wonder why ,he gave up doing it1  and   
left it to the market-gardeners4 ,i     
can't make out why new flowers don't    
keep appearing4 ,i could offer a few    
suggestions4 ,i dream of flowers        
sometimes--great banks of bloom rising  
up out of crystal rivers1 in deep       
gorges1 full of sunshine and scent4 ,how
 nice it is to be idle6 ,i'm sure  ,i've
 earned it1 after that deplorable       
chapter4 ,it really is a miracle of     
flatness6 ,you go back to your work1 my 
boy1 and thank ,god you can say what    
you mean6 ,and then you can bring it to 
me1 and ,i'll tell you to an inch  what 
it is worth6        ,,xvi    ,,of       
,,marriage      ,we were all at dinner  
one day1 and ,father ,payne came in1 in 
an excited  mood1 with a letter in his  
hand4 ,here's a bit of nonsense1 he     
said4  ,here's my old friend ,davenport 
giving me what he calls a piece of his  

mind--he can't have much left--about my 
'celibate brotherhood1' as he calls  it4
 ,it's all the other way6 ,i am rather  
relieved when ,i hear that any of  you  
people are happily engaged to be        
married4 ,celibacy is the danger of my  
experiment1 not the object of it4    ,do
 you wish us to be married8 said ,kaye4 
,that's new to me4 ,i thought  this was 
a little fortress against the eternal   
feminine4    ,what rubbish6 said ,father
 ,payne4 ,the worst of using ridiculous 
words  like feminine is that it blinds  
people to the truth4 ,masculine and     
feminine  have nothing to do with sex4  
,in the first place1 intellectual people
 are  all rather apt to be sexless2 in  
the next place1 all sensible people1 men
  and women alike1 are what is meant by 
masculine--that is to say1 spirited1    
generous1 tolerant1 good-natured1 frank4
 ,thirdly1 all suspicious1 scheming1    
sensitive1 theatrical1 irritable1 vain  
people are what is meant by  feminine4  
,and artistic natures are all prone to  

those failings1 because  they desire    
dignity and influence--they want to be  
felt4 ,the real  difference between     
people is whether they want to live1 or 
whether they  want to be known to exist4
 ,the worst of feminine people is that  
they are  probably the people who ought 
not to marry1 unless they marry a       
masculine  person2 and they are not1 as 
a rule1 attracted by masculinity4       
,but one can't get married in cold      
blood1 said ,vincent4 ,i often wish that
  marriages could just be arranged1 as  
they do it in ,france4 ,i think ,i      
should  be a very good husband1 but ,i  
shall never have the courage or the time
 to  go in search of a wife4    ,that's 
why ,i send you all out into the world1 
said ,father ,payne4 ,most  people ought
 to be married4 ,it's a normal thing--it
 isn't a transcendental  thing4 ,in my  
experience most marriages are           
successful4 ,it does everyone  good to  
be obliged to live at close quarters    
with other people1 and to be  unable to 

get away from them4    ,i didn't know   
you were interested in such matters1    
said someone4    ,i have gone into it   
pretty considerably1 sir1 said ,father  
,payne1 ,the one  thing that does       
interest me is human admixtures4 ,it    
does no one any good to  get too much   
attached to his own point of view4      
,but surely1 said ,rose1 there are some 
marriages which are obviously bad  for  
all concerned--real incompatibilities8  
,people who can't understand each  other
 or their children--children who can't  
understand their parents8 ,it  always   
seems to me rather horrible that people 
should be shut up together  like rats in
 a cage4    ,i expect we shall have     
legislation before long1 said ,father   
,payne1 for  breaking up homes where    
some definite evil like drunkenness is  
at work--but  ,i don't want industrial  
schools for children2 that is even more 
inhuman  than a bad home4 ,we want more 
boarding out1 but that's expensive4     
,someone  has to pay1 if children are to

 be planted out1 and to pay well4       
,there's no  motive of duty so strong   
for an ,englishman as good wages4       
,people are honest  about giving fair   
money's worth4 ,but it is no good       
talking about these  things1 because    
they are all so far ahead of us4 ,the   
question is whether  anyone can suggest 
any practical means of filing away any  
of the  roughnesses of marriage4 ,i do  
not believe that the problem is very    
serious  among workers4 ,it is the      
marriage of idle people that is apt to  
be  disastrous4    ,the thing that      
damages many marriages1 said ,rose1 is  
the fact that  people have got to see so
 much of each other4 ,what people really
 want is a  holiday from each other4    
,yes1 but that is impossible            
financially1 said ,father ,payne4 ,apart
 from  love and children1 marriage is a 
small joint-stock company for cheap     
comfort4 ,but it is of no use to go     
vapouring on about these big schemes1   
because in a democracy people won't do  

what philosophers wish1 but what  they  
want4 ,let's take a notorious case1     
known to everyone4 ,can anyone say  what
 practical advice he could have given to
 either ,carlyle or to ,mrs4  ,carlyle1 
which would have improved that witches' 
cauldron8 ,there were two               
high-principled ,puritanical people1    
which is the same thing as saying that  
they both were disposed to consider that
 anyone who disagreed with them did  so 
for a bad motive1 and exalted their own 
whims and prejudices into moral         
principles2 both of them irritable and  
sensitive1 both able to give            
instantaneous and elaborate expression  
to their vaguest thoughts1--,carlyle    
himself with eloquence which he wielded 
like a bludgeon1 and ,mrs4 ,carlyle     
with incisiveness which she used like a 
sharp knife--,carlyle with too much  to 
do1 and ,mrs4 ,carlyle with less than   
nothing to do--each passionately        
attached to the other as soon as they   
were separated1 and both capable of     

saying the sweetest and most            
affectionate things by letter1 which    
they  could not for the life of them    
utter in talk4 ,they did1 as a matter of
  fact1 spend an immense amount of time 
apart2 and when they were together1     
,carlyle1 having been trained as a      
peasant and one of a large family1      
roughly neglected ,mrs4 ,carlyle1 while 
,mrs4 ,carlyle1 with a middle-class     
training1 and moreover indulged as an   
only daughter1 was too proud to         
complain1 but not proud enough not to   
resent the neglect deeply4 ,what could  
have been done for them8 ,were they     
impossible people to live with8 ,was it 
true1 as ,tennyson bluntly said1 that it
 was as well that they married1  because
 two people were unhappy instead of     
four8    ,they wanted a child as a      
go-between6 said ,barthrop4    ,of      
course they did6 said ,father ,payne4   
,that would have pulled the whole  mnage
 together4 ,and don't tell me that it   
was a wise dispensation that  they were 

childless6 ,cleansing fires8 ,the fires 
in which they lived1 with  ,carlyle     
raging about porridge and milk and      
crowing cocks1 working alone1  walking  
alone1 flying off to see ,lady          
,ashburton1 sleeping alone2 and ,mrs4   
,carlyle1 whom everyone else admired and
 adored1 eating her heart out  because  
she could not get him to value her      
company2--there was not much  that was  
cleansing about all that6 ,the cleansing
 came when she was dead1  and when he   
saw what he had done4    ,i expect they 
have made it up by now1 said ,kaye4     
,you're quite right6 said ,father       
,payne4 ,it matters less with those     
great  vivid people4 ,they can afford to
 remember4 ,but the little people1 who  
simply end further back than they began1
 what is to be done for them8           
,,xvii    ,,of ,,loving ,,god           
,father ,payne suddenly said to me once 
in a loud voice1 after a long           
silence--we were walking                
together--,writers1 preachers1          

moralists1  sentimentalists1 are much to
 blame for not explaining more what they
 mean  by loving ,god--perhaps they do  
not know6 ,love is so large a word1 and 
covers so great a range of feelings4    
,what sort of love are we to give       
,god--the love of the lover1 or the son1
 or the daughter1 or the friend1 or  the
 patriot1 or the dog8 ,is it to be      
passion1 or admiration1 or reverence1   
or fidelity1 or pity8 ,all of these     
enter into love4    ,what do you think  
yourself8 ,i said4    ,how am ,i to     
tell8 said ,father ,payne4 ,i am in many
 minds about it--it  cannot be passion1 
because1 whatever one may say1 something
 of physical  satisfaction is mingled   
with that4 ,it cannot be a dumb         
fidelity--that is  irrational4 ,it      
cannot be an equal friendship1 because  
there is no equality  possible4 ,it     
cannot be that of the child for the     
mother1 because the mind  is hardly     
concerned in that4 ,can one indeed love 
the ,unknown8 ,again1 it  cannot be all 

receiving and no giving4 ,we must have  
something to give ,god  which ,he       
desires to have and which we can        
withhold4 ,to say that the answer  is1  
',my son1 give ,me thy heart1' begs the 
question1 because the one thing  certain
 about love is that we cannot give it to
 whom we will--it  must be evoked2 and  
even if it is wanted1 we cannot always  
give it4 ,we may  respect and reverence 
a person very much1 but1 as ,charlotte  
,bront said1  'our veins may run ice    
whenever we are near him4'    ,and then1
 too1 can we love any one who knows us  
perfectly1 through and  through8 ,is it 
not of the essence of love to be blind8 
,is it possible for  us to feel that we 
are worthy of the love of anyone who    
really knows us8    ,and then1 too1 if  
disaster and suffering and cruel usage  
and terror come  from ,god1 without     
reference to the sensitiveness of the   
soul and body on  which they fall1 can  
we possibly love the ,power which       
behaves so8 ,what  child could love a   

father who might at any time strike him8
 ,i cannot  believe that ,god wants an  
unquestioning and fatuous trust1 and    
still less  the sort of deference we pay
 to one who may do us a mischief if we  
do not  cringe before him4 ,all that is 
utterly unworthy of the mind and soul4  
,is it not possible to believe1 ,i said1
 that all experience may be good  for   
us1 however harsh it seems8    ,no      
rational man can think that1 said       
,father ,payne4 ,suffering is not good  
for people if it is severe and          
protracted4 ,i have seen many natures go
  utterly to pieces under it4    ,what  
do you believe1 then8 ,i said4    ,of   
course the only obvious explanation1    
said ,father ,payne1 is that  suffering1
 misery1 evil1 disaster1 disease do not 
come from ,god at all2  that ,he is the 
giver of health and joy and light and   
happiness2 that ,he  gives us all ,he   
can1 and spares us all ,he can2 but that
 there is a great  enemy in the world1  
whom ,he cannot instantly conquer2 that 

,he is doing all  ,he can to shield us1 
and to repair the harm that befalls     
us--that we can  make common cause with 
,him1 and pity ,him for ,his thwarted   
plans1 ,his  endless disappointments1   
,his innumerable failures1 ,his grievous
 sufferings4  ,it would be easy to love 
,god if ,he were like that--yet who     
dares to say it  or to teach it8 ,it is 
the dreadful doctrine of ,his           
,omnipotence that ruins  everything4 ,i 
cannot hold any communication with      
,omnipotence--it is a  consuming fire2  
but if ,i could know that ,god was      
strong and patient and  diligent1 but   
not all-powerful or all-knowing1 then ,i
 could commune with  ,him4 ,if1 when    
some evil mishap overtakes me1 ,i could 
say to ,him1 ',come1  help me1 console  
me1 show me how to mend this1 give me   
all the comfort you  can1' then ,i could
 turn to ,him in love and trust1 so long
 as ,i could feel  that ,he did not wish
 the disaster to happen to me but could 
not ward it  off1 and was as miserable  

as myself that it had happened4 ,not so 
miserable1 of course1 because ,he has   
waited so long1 suffered so much1 and   
can discern so bright and distant a     
hope4 ,then1 too1 ,i might feel that    
death was perhaps our escape from many  
kinds of evil1 and that ,i should be    
clasped to ,his heart for awhile1 even  
though ,he sent me out again to fight   
,his battles4 ,that would evoke all my  
love and energy and courage1 because ,i 
could feel that ,i could give ,him my   
help2 but if ,he is ,almighty1 and could
  have avoided all the sorrow and pain1 
then ,i am simply bewildered and        
frightened1 because ,i can predicate    
nothing about ,him4    ,is not that the 
idea which ,christianity aims at8 ,i    
said4    ,yes1 he said2 the suffering   
,saviour1 who can resist evil and amend 
it1  but cannot instantly subdue it2    
but1 even so1 it seems to set up two    
,gods  for one4 ,the mind cannot really 
identify the ,saviour with the          
,almighty ,designer of the ,universe4   

,but the thought of the ,saviour  does  
interpret the sense of ,god's failure   
and suffering1 does bring  it all nearer
 to the heart4 ,but if there is         
,omnipotence behind1 it all  falls to   
the ground again--at least it does for  
me4 ,i cannot pray to  ,omnipotence and 
,omniscience1 because it is useless to  
do so4 ,the limited  and the unlimited  
cannot join hands4 ,i must1 if ,i am to 
believe in ,god1  believe in ,him as a  
warrior arriving on a scene of disorder1
 and trying to  make all well4 ,he must 
not have permitted the disorder to grow 
up1 and then  try to subdue it4 ,it must
 be there first4 ,it is a battle        
obviously--but it  must be a real battle
 against a real foe1 not a sham fight   
between hosts  created by ,god4 ,in that
 case1 'to think of oneself as an       
instrument of  ,god's designs is a      
privilege one shares with the devil1' as
 someone said4 ,i  will not believe that
 ,he is so little in earnest as that4   
,no1 ,he is the  great invader1 who     

desires to turn darkness to light1 rage 
to peace1 misery  to happiness4 ,then1  
and only then1 can ,i enlist under ,his 
banner1 fight for  ,him1 honour ,him1   
worship ,him1 compassionate ,him1 and   
even love ,him2 but if  ,he is in any   
way responsible for evil1 by design or  
by neglect1 then ,i am  lost indeed6    
,,xviii    ,,of ,,friendship      ,he is
 the sort of man who is always losing   
his friends1 said ,pollard at  dinner to
 ,father ,payne1 describing someone1 and
 ,i always think that's a  bad sign4    
,and ,i1 on the contrary1 said ,father  
,payne1 think that a man who always     
keeps his friends is almost always an   
ass6 ,he opened his mouth and drew in   
his breath4    ,or else it means1 said  
,barthrop1 that he has never really made
 any  friends at all6    ,quite right1  
said ,father ,payne4 ,people talk about 
friendship as if it  was a perfectly    
normal thing1 like eating and           
drinking--it's not that6 ,it's  a       
difficult thing1 and it is a rare thing4

 ,i do not mean mere proximities  and   
easy comradeships and muddled alliances2
 there are plenty of frank and  pleasant
 companionships about of a solid kind4  
,still less do ,i mean the  sort of     
thing which is contained in such an     
expression as ',dear old boy6'  which is
 always a half-contemptuous phrase4     
,but isn't loyalty a fine quality8 said 
,lestrange4    ,loyalty6 said ,father   
,payne4 ,of course you must play fair1  
and be ready  to stick by a man1 and do 
him a kindness1 and help him up if he   
has a fall2  but that is not            
friendship--at least it isn't what ,i   
mean by friendship4  ,friendship is a   
sort of passion1 without anything sexual
 or reproductive  about it4 ,there is a 
physical basis about it1 of course4 ,i  
mean there are  certain quite admirable1
 straightforward1 pleasant people1 whom 
you may  meet and like1 and yet with    
whom you could never be friends1 though 
they  may be quite capable of           
friendship1 and have friends of their   

own4 ,a man's  presence and his views   
and emotions must be in some sort of    
tune with your  own4 ,there are certain 
people1 not in the least repellent1     
genial1 kindly1  handsome1 excellent in 
every way1 with whom you simply are not 
comfortable4  ,on the other hand1 there 
are people of no great obvious          
attractiveness with  whom you feel      
instantaneously at ease4 ,there is      
something mysterious about  it1 some    
currents that don't mix1 and some that  
do4 ,a thousand years hence  we shall   
probably know something about it we     
don't now4    ,i feel that very strongly
 about books1 said ,kaye4 ,there are    
certain  authors1 who have skill1 charm1
 fancy1 invention1 style--all the things
 you  value--who yet leave you          
absolutely cold4 ,they have every       
qualification for  pleasing except the  
power to please4 ,it is simply a case of
 ,dr4 ,fell6 ,you  can't give a single  
valid reason why you don't like them4   
,yes1 indeed1 said ,father ,payne4 and  

then1 again1 there are authors whom  you
 like at a certain age and under certain
 circumstances1 and who end by  boring  
you2 and again1 authors whom you don't  
like when you are young1 and  like      
better when you are old4 ,does your idea
 of loyalty apply also to  books1       
,lestrange1 or to music8    ,no1 said   
,lestrange1 to be frank1 it does not2   
but ,i think that is  different--a lot  
of technical things come in1 and then   
one's taste alters4    ,and that is just
 the same with people1 said ,father     
,payne4 ,why1 what does  loyalty mean in
 such a connection8 ,you have admired a 
book or a piece of  music2 you cease to 
admire it4 ,are you to go on saying you 
admire it1 or to  pretend to yourself   
that you admire it8 ,of course not--that
 is simply  hypocrisy--there is nothing 
real about that4    ,but what are you to
 do1 said ,vincent1 about people8 ,you  
can't treat them  like books or music4  
,you need not go on reading a book which
 you have  ceased to admire4 ,but what  

if you have made a friend1 and then     
ceased to  care for him1 and he goes on 
caring for you8 ,are you to throw him   
over8    ,i admit that there is a       
difficulty1 said ,father ,payne2 ,i     
agree that you  must not disappoint     
people2 but it is also somehow your duty
 to get out of  a relation that is no   
longer a real one4 ,it can't be         
wholesome to simulate  emotions for the 
sake of loyalty4 ,it must all depend    
upon which you think  the finer         
thing--the emotion or the tie4          
,personally1 ,i think the emotion is    
the more sacred of the two4    ,but does
 it not mean that you have made a       
mistake somehow1 said ,vincent1  if you 
have made a friend1 and then cease to   
care about him8    ,not a bit1 said     
,father ,payne4 ,why1 people change very
 much1 and some  people change faster   
than others4 ,a man may be exactly what 
you want at a  certain time of life2 he 
may be ahead of you in ideas1 in        
qualities1 in  emotions2 and what starts

 a friendship is the perception of      
something fine  and desirable in        
another1 which you admire and want to   
imitate4 ,but then  you may outstrip    
your friend4 ,take the case of an       
artist4 ,he may have an  admiration for 
another artist1 and gain much from him2 
but then he may go  right ahead of him4 
,he can't go on admiring and deferring  
out of mere  loyalty4    ,but must there
 not be in every real friendship a      
purpose of  continuance8 said ,vincent4 
,it surely is a very selfish sort of    
business1  if you say to yourself1 ',i  
will make friends with this man because 
,i admire  him now1 but when1 ,i have   
got all ,i can out of him1 ,i will      
discard him4'    ,of course1 you must   
not think in that coldblooded way1 said 
,father ,payne1  but it can never be    
more than a hope of continuance4 ,you   
may  hope to find a friendship a        
continuous and far-reaching thing4 ,it  
may be quite right to get to know a man1
 believing him to have fine  qualities2 

but you can't pledge yourself to admire 
whatever you find in  him4 ,we have to  
try experiments in friendship as in     
everything else4 ,it is  purely         
sentimental to say1 ',i am going to     
believe in this man blindfold1  whatever
 ,i find him to be1' ,that's a rash vow6
 ,you must not take rash vows2  and if  
you do1 you must be prepared to break   
them4 ,besides1 you can't  depend upon  
your friend not altering4 ,he may lose  
some of the very things  you most       
admire4 ,the mistake is to believe that 
anything can be consistent  or          
permanent4    ,but if you don't believe 
that1 said ,lestrange1 are you justified
  in entering upon intimate relations at
 all8    ,of course you are1 said       
,father ,payne2 you can't live life on  
prudent  lines4 ,you can't say1 ',i     
won't engage in life1 or take a hand in 
it1 or  believe in it1 or love it1 till 
,i know more about it4' ,you can't      
foresee  all contingencies and risks4   
,you must take risks4    ,i expect1 said

 ,barthrop1 that we are meaning         
different things by  friendship4 ,let us
 define our terms4 ,what do you mean by 
friendship1  ,father8    ,well1 said    
,father ,payne1 ,i will tell you if ,i  
can4 ,i mean a  consciousness1 which    
generally comes rather suddenly1 of the 
charm of a  particular person4 ,you have
 a sudden curiosity about him4 ,you want
 to know  what his ideas1 motives1 views
 of life are4 ,it is not by any means   
always  that you think he feels about   
things as you do yourself4 ,it is often 
the  difference in him which attracts   
you4 ,but you like his manner1 his      
demeanour1 his handling of life4 ,what  
he says1 his looks1 his gestures1 his   
personality1 affect you in a curious    
way4 ,and at the same time you seem to  
discern a corresponding curiosity in him
 about yourself4 ,it is a  pleasurable  
surprise both to discover that he agrees
 with you1 and also  that he disagrees  
with you4 ,there is a beauty1 a mystery1
 about it all4  ,generally you think it 

rather surprising that he should find   
you  interesting4 ,you wish to please   
him and to satisfy his expectations4    
,that  is the dangerous part of         
friendship1 that two people in this     
condition make  efforts1 sacrifices1    
suppressions in order to be liked4 ,even
 if you  disagree1 you both give hints  
that you are prepared to be converted4  
,there  is a sudden increase of richness
 in life1 the sense of a moving current 
whose impulse you feel4 ,you meet1 you  
talk1 you find a freshness of  feeling1 
light cast upon dark things1 a new range
 of ideas vividly  present4    ,but     
isn't all that rather intellectual8 said
 ,vincent1 who had been  growing        
restive4 ,the thing can surely be much  
simpler than that8    ,yes1 of course it
 can1 said ,father ,payne1 among simple 
people--but we  are all complicated     
people here4    ,yes1 said ,vincent1 we 
are6 ,but isn't it possible for an      
intellectual man  to feel a real        
friendship for a quite unintellectual   

man--not a desire to  discuss everything
 with him1 but a simple admiration for  
fine frank  qualities8    ,oh yes1 said 
,father ,payne1 there can be all sorts  
of alliances2 but ,i am  not speaking of
 them4 ,i am speaking of a sort of      
mutual understanding4 ,in  friendship1  
as ,i understand it1 the two must not   
speak different languages4  ,they must  
be able to put their minds fairly       
together--there can be a kind  of       
man-and-dog friendship1 of course1 but  
that is more a sort of love and  trust4 
,now in friendship people must be       
mutually intelligible4 ,it need not  be 
equality--it is very often far removed  
from that2 but there must not be  any   
condescension4 ,there must be a desire  
for equality1 at all  events4 ,each must
 lament anything1 whether it is         
superiority or  inferiority1 which keeps
 the two apart4 ,it must be a desire for
 unity above  everything4 ,there must   
not be the smallest shadow of contempt  
on either  side--it must be a frank     

proffer of the best you have to give1   
and a  knowledge that the other can give
 you something--sympathy1 support1      
help--which you cannot do without4 ,what
 breaks friendship1 in my  experience1  
is the loss of that sense of equality2  
and the moment that  friends become     
critical--in the sense1 ,i mean1 that   
they want to alter or  improve each     
other--,i think a friendship is in      
danger4 ,if you have a  friend1 you must
 be indulgent to his faults--like him1  
not in spite of  them1 but almost       
because of them1 ,i think4    ,that's   
very difficult1 said ,vincent4 ,mayn't  
you want a friend to  improve8 ,if he   
has some patent and obvious fault1 ,i   
mean8    ,you mustn't want to improve   
him1 said ,father ,payne1 smiling2      
that's not  your business--unless he    
wants you to help him to improve2 and   
even  then you have to be very          
delicate-handed4 ,it must hurt you to   
have  to wish him different4    ,but    
isn't that what you call sentimental8   

said ,vincent4    ,no1 said ,father     
,payne1 it is sentiment to try to       
pretend to yourself and  others that the
 fault isn't there4 ,but ,i am speaking 
of a tie which you  can't risk breaking 
for anything so trivial as a fault4 ,the
 moment that the  fault stands out1     
naked and unpleasant1 then you may know 
that the  friendship is over4 ,there    
must be a glamour even about your       
friend's  faults4 ,you must love them1  
as you love the dints and cracks in an  
old  building4    ,that seems to me     
weak1 said ,vincent4    ,you will find  
that it is true1 said ,father ,payne4   
,we can't afford to sit  in judgment on 
each other4 ,we must simply try to help 
each other along4 ,we  must not say1    
',you ought not to be tired4'    ,but   
surely we may pity people8 said         
,lestrange4    ,not your friends1 said  
,father ,payne4 ,pity is fatal to       
friendship4  ,there is always something 
complacent in pity--it means conscious  
strength4  ,you can't both pity and     

admire4 ,you can't separate people up   
into  qualities--they all come out of   
the depth of a man2 ,i am quite sure of 
this1 that the moment you begin to      
differentiate a friend's qualities1 that
  moment what ,i call friendship is     
over4 ,it must simply be a case of you  
and  me--not my weakness and your       
virtue1 and still less your weakness and
 my  virtue4 ,and you must be content to
 lose friends and to be discarded by    
friends4 ,what is sentimental is to     
believe that it can be otherwise4       
,,xix    ,,of ,,phyllis      ,it was in 
the course of ,july1 the month given to 
hospitality4 ,father ,payne  used to    
have guests of various kinds1 quite     
unaccountable people1 some of  them1    
with whom he seemed to be on the easiest
 of terms1 but whom he never  mentioned 
at any other time4 ,it is a time when ,i
 have old friends  to stay with me1 he  
once said1 and ,i decline to define the 
term4 ,there  are reasons--you must     
assume that there are reasons--which    

may not be apparent1 for the tie4 ,they 
are not all selected for  intellectual  
or artistic brilliance--they are the    
symbols of undesigned  friendships1     
which existed before ,i exercised the   
faculty of choice4 ,they  are there1    
uncriticised1 unexplained1 these friends
 of mine4 ,the modest  man1 you will    
remember1 finds his circle ready-made4  
,i am attached to them1  and they to me4
 ,they understand no language1 some of  
them1 as you will see1  except the      
language of the heart2 but you will help
 me1 ,i know1 to make  them feel at home
 and happy4    ,they certainly were odd 
people1 several of them--dumb1          
good-natured1  elderly men with no      
ostensible purpose in the world2 elderly
 ladies1 who  called ,father ,payne     
dear2 some simple and homely married    
couples1 who  seemed to be living in    
another century4 ,but ,father ,payne    
welcomed them1  chattered with them1    
jested with them1 took them drives and  
walks1 and  seemed well-contented with  

their company1 though ,i confess that ,i
 generally  felt as though ,i were      
staying in a seaside boarding-house on  
such  occasions4 ,we used to speculate  
as to who they were1 and how ,father    
,payne  had made their acquaintance3 we 
gathered that they were mostly the      
friends  and acquaintances of his youth1
 or people into whose company he had    
drifted  when he lived in ,london4      
,sometimes1 before a new arrival1 he    
would touch  off his or her character   
and circumstances in a few words4 ,on   
one occasion  he said after breakfast to
 ,barthrop and me3 ,arrivals to-day1    
,mr4 and ,mrs4  ,wetherall--the man a   
retired coal-merchant1 rather wealthy1  
interested in  foreign missions2 the    
woman inert2 daughter prevented from    
coming1 and they  bring a niece1        
,phyllis by name1 understood to be      
charming4 ,i undertake the  sole charge 
of ,wetherall himself1 ,mrs4 ,wetherall 
requires no specific  attentions--placid
 woman1 writes innumerable              

letters--,miss ,phyllis an  unknown     
quantity4    ,the ,wetheralls duly      
appeared1 and proved very simple people4
 ,father ,payne1  to our surprise1      
seemed to be soaked in mission          
literature1 and drew out  ,mr4          
,wetherall with patient skill4 ,but     
,miss ,phyllis was a perfectly          
delightful girl1 very simple and        
straightforward1 extremely pretty in a  
boyish fashion1 and quite used to the   
ways of the world4 ,we would willingly  
have entertained her1 and did our best2 
but she made fast friends with  ,father 
,payne1 with the utmost promptitude1 and
 the two were for ever  strolling about 
or sitting out together4 ,the talk at   
meals was of a sedate  character1 but   
,miss ,phyllis used to intercept ,father
 ,payne's humorous  remarks with a      
delighted little smile1 and ,father     
,payne would shake his  head gravely at 
her in return4 ,miss ,phyllis said to me
 one morning1 as we  were sitting in the
 garden3 ,you seem to have a very good  

time here1 all of  you--it feels like   
something in a book--it is too good to  
be true6    ,ah1 ,i said1 but this is a 
holiday1 of course6 ,we work very hard  
in  term-time1 and we are very serious4 
,miss ,phyllis looked at me with her    
blue eyes in silence for a moment1 with 
an ironical little curve of her  lips1  
and said3 ,i don't believe a word of it6
 ,i believe it is just a  little        
,paradise1 and ,i suspect it of being   
rather a selfish ,paradise4 ,why  do you
 shut everyone out8    ,oh1 it is a case
 of 'business first'6 ,i said4 ,father  
,payne keeps us all  in very good order4
 ,yes1 said ,phyllis1 ,i expect he can  
do that4 ,but do  any of you men realise
 what an absolutely enchanting person he
 is8 ,i have  never seen anyone in the  
least like him6 ,he understands         
everything1 and  sees everything1 and   
cares for everything--he is so big and  
kind and  clever4 ,why1 isn't he        
something tremendous8 ,he is1 ,i said4  
,oh yes1 but  you know what ,i mean1    

said ,miss ,phyllis2 he's a great man1  
and he  ought to have the reins in his  
hand4 ,he ought not to potter about     
here6    ,well1 ,i said1 ,i have        
wondered about that myself4 ,but he     
knows his own  mind--he's a very happy  
man6 ,miss ,phyllis pondered silently1  
and said3 ,i  don't think you realise   
your blessings4 ,father ,payne is like  
the boy in the  story--the man born to  
be king1 you know4 ,he ought not to be  
wasted like  this6 ,he ought to be ruler
 over ten cities4 ,dear me1 ,i don't    
often wish ,i  were a man1 but ,i would 
give anything to be one of you4 ,won't  
you tell me  something more about him8  
,i did my best1 and ,phyllis listened   
absorbed1 dangling a shapely little     
foot over her knee1 and playing with a  
flower4 ,yes1 she said at last1  that is
 what ,i thought6 ,i see you do         
appreciate him after all4 ,i  won't make
 that mistake again4 ,and she gave me a 
fine smile4 ,i liked the  company of    
this radiant creature1 but at this      

moment ,father ,payne appeared  at the  
other end of the garden4 ,don't think me
 rude1 said ,miss ,phyllis1  but ,i am  
going to talk to ,father ,payne4 ,it's  
my last day1 and ,i must get  all ,i can
 out of him4 ,she fled1 and presently   
they went off together for a  stroll1 a 
charming picture4 ,she carried him off  
likewise after dinner1 and  they sate   
long in the dusk4 ,i could hear ,father 
,payne's emphatic tones and  ,phyllis's 
refreshing laughter4    ,the next       
morning the ,wetheralls went off4       
,barthrop and ,i1 with ,father  ,payne1 
saw them go4 ,the ,wetheralls were      
serenely enjoying the prospect of       
returning home after a successful visit1
 but ,miss ,phyllis looked mournful1    
and as if she were struggling with      
concealed emotions4 ,she kissed her hand
  to ,father ,payne as the carriage     
drove away4    ,very worthy people6 said
 ,father ,payne cheerfully1 as the      
carriage passed  out of sight4 ,i am    
very glad to have seen them1 and no less

 thankful that  they are gone4    ,but  
the charming ,phyllis8 said ,barthrop1  
,is that all you have to say  about her8
 ,i never saw a more delightful girl6   
,she is--quite delightful1 said ,father 
,payne4 ,phyllis is my only joy6 ,the   
sight of her and the sound of her make  
me feel as if ,i had been reading an    
,elizabethan song-book--',sing hey1     
nonny nonny6' ,but why didn't one of you
  fellows make up to her8--that's a girl
 worth the winning6    ,why didn't we   
make up to her8 ,i said indignantly4 ,i 
wonder you have the  face to ask1       
,father6 ,why1 she was simply taken up  
with you1 and she hadn't  a word or a   
look for anyone else4 ,i never saw such 
a case of love at first  sight6    ,she 
gave me a flower this morning1 said     
,father ,payne meditatively1 and ,i     
believe ,i kissed her hand4 ,it was like
 a scene in one of my novels4 ,it       
wasn't my fault--the woman tempted me1  
of course6 ,but ,i think she is a       
charming creature1 and as clever as she 

is pretty4 ,i could have made love  to  
her with the best will in the world6    
,but that wouldn't do1 and ,i just  made
 friends with her4 ,she wants an older  
friend1 ,i think4 ,she has ideas1  the  
pretty ,phyllis1 and she doesn't strike 
out sparks from the ,wetheralls  much4  
,barthrop went off1 smiling to himself1 
and ,i strolled about with ,father      
,payne4    ,you really could hardly do  
better than be ,phyllis's faithful      
shepherd1 he  said to me1 smiling4      
,she's a fine creature1 you know1 full  
of fire and  vitality1 and eager for    
life4 ,she must marry a nice man and    
have nice  children4 ,we want more      
people like ,phyllis4 ,you consider it1 
old man6 ,i  would like to see you      
happily married4    ,why1 ,father1 ,i   
said boldly1 if you feel like that1 why 
don't you put in  for her yourself8     
,phyllis is in love with you6 ,you may  
not know it--she may  not know it--but  
,i know it4 ,she could talk of nothing  
else4    ,get thee behind me1 ,satan6   

said ,father ,payne very emphatically4  
,don't say  such things to me6 ,the     
pretty ,phyllis wants a father          
confessor--that's all  ,i can1 do for   
her4    ,i don't think that is so1      
,father1 ,i said4 ,she would be prepared
 for  something much closer than that1  
if you held out your hand4    ,father   
,payne smiled benignantly at me4 ,yes1  
,i know what you mean1 old  man1 he     
said1 and ,i daresay it is true6 ,but ,i
 mustn't allow myself to  think of such 
things at my age4 ,it wouldn't do4 ,i'm 
old enough to be her  father--and she   
has just had a pretty fancy1 that's all4
 ,it's rather a  romantic setting1 this 
place1 you know2 and she is hungering   
and thirsting  for all sorts of ideas   
and beautiful adventures2 and she finds 
a  good-humoured old bird like myself1  
who can give her something of what she  
wants4 ,she is fitful and impetuous1 and
 she wants something strong and         
fatherly to lean upon and to worship1   
perhaps4 ,bless you1 ,i see it all      

clearly enough6 ,but put the clock on   
for a few years3 the charming ,phyllis  
is made for better things than tying my 
muffler and walking beside my           
bath-chair4 ,no1 she must have a run for
 her money4 ,and what's more1 ,i'm not  
sure that ,i want the sole charge of    
that sweet nymph--she would want a lot  
of response and sympathy and            
understanding4 ,it's altogether too big 
a job  for me1 and ,i don't feel the    
call4 ,what do ,i want1 then1 with the  
pretty  child8 ,why1 ,i like to be with 
her1 and to see her1 and to hear her    
talk and  laugh4 ,i want to help her    
along if ,i can--she is a high-spirited 
creature1  and will take things hardly4 
,but ,i cannot be romantic1 and take    
advantage  of a romantic child4 ,mind   
you1 ,i think that these friendships    
between men  and women are good for     
both1 if they aren't complicated by     
love3 the worst  of it is that passion  
is a tindery thing1 and lights up       
suddenly when  people least expect it4  

,but ,i'm too old for all that2 and one 
of the  pleasures of growing old is that
 one can see a beautiful creature like  
,phyllis--high-spirited1 vivid1 full of 
grace and delight--without wanting  to  
claim her for one's own or take her away
 into a corner4 ,i'm just glad to  be   
with her1 glad to think she is in the   
world1 glad to think she comes  direct  
from the ,divine hand4 ,it moves me     
tremendously1 that flashing and         
brightening charm of hers--but ,i see   
and feel it1 ,i think1 as something     
beyond and outside of her1 which comes  
as a message to me4 ,she's a darling6   
,but ,i am not going to interfere with  
her or complicate her life4 ,she must   
find a fit mate1 and ,i am going to let 
her feel that she can depend on me  for 
any service ,i can do for her4 ,i don't 
mind saying1 old man1 added  ,father    
,payne1 in a different tone1 that there 
isn't a touch of temptation  about it   
all4 ,i yield in imagination to it quite
 frankly--,i think how jolly  it would  

be to have a creature like that living  
in this old house1 telling  me all she  
thought about1 making a home beautiful4 
,i could make a very fair  lover if ,i  
tried6 ,but ,i have got myself well in  
hand1 and ,i know better4 ,it  isn't    
what she wants1 and it isn't really what
 ,i want4 ,i have got my work  cut out  
for me2 but ,i'll give her all ,i can1  
and be thankful if she gives  me a bit  
of her heart2 and ,i shall love to think
 of her going about the  world1 and     
reminding everyone she meets of the best
 and purest sort of  beauty4 ,i love    
,phyllis with all my old heart--is that 
enough for you8--and  a great deal too  
well to confiscate her1 as ,i should    
certainly have tried  to do twenty years
 ago4    ,father ,payne stopped1 and    
looked at me with one of his great clear
 smiles4    ,well1 ,i must say1 ,i      
began--    ,no1 you mustn't1 said       
,father ,payne4 ,i know all the         
excellent arguments  you would advance4 
,why shouldn't two people be happy and  

not look ahead1  and all that8 ,i do    
look ahead1 and ,i'm going to make her  
happy if ,i can4  ,shall ,i use my      
influence in your favour1 my boy8 ,how  
does that strike you8    ,i laughed and 
reddened4 ,father ,payne put his arm in 
mine1 and said3 ,now1 ,i  have turned my
 heart out for your inspection1 and you 
can't convert me4 ,let  the pretty child
 go her way6 ,i only wish she was likely
 to get more fun out  of the            
,wetheralls4 ,such excellent people too3
 but a lack of  inspiration--not        
propelled from quite the central fount  
of beauty1 ,i fancy6  ,but it will do   
,phyllis good to make the best of them1 
and ,i fancy she is  trying pretty hard4
 ,dear me1 ,i wish she were my niece6   
,but ,i couldn't have  her here--we     
should all be at daggers drawn in a     
fortnight3 that's the  puzzling thing   
about these beautiful people1 that they 
light up such  conflagrations1 and make 
such havoc of divine philosophy1 old    
boy6        ,,xx    ,,of ,,certainty    

,we were returning from a walk1 ,father 
,payne and ,i2 as we passed the         
churchyard1 he said3 ,do you remember   
that story of ,lamennais at ,la         
,chnaie8 ,he was sitting behind the     
chapel under two ,scotch firs which grew
  there1 with some of his young         
disciples4 ,he took his stick1 and      
marked out  a grave on the turf1 and    
said3 ',it is there ,i would wish to be 
buried1 but  no tombstone6 ,only a      
simple mound of grass4 ,oh1 how well ,i 
shall be there6'  ,that is what ,i call 
sentiment4 ,if ,lamennais really thought
 he would be  confined in spirit to such
 a place1 he would not tolerate         
it--least of all  a combative fellow    
like ,lamennais--it would be a perpetual
 solitary  confinement4 ,such a cry is  
merely a theatrical way of saying that  
he felt  tired4 ,yet it is such sayings 
which impress people1 because men love  
rhetoric4    ,presently he went on3 ,it 
is strange that what one fears in death 
is the  vagueness and the solitude of   

it--we are afraid of finding ourselves  
lost  in the night4 ,it would be        
agitating1 but not frightful1 if we were
 sure of  finding company2 and if we    
were sure of meeting those whom we had  
loved and lost1 death would not frighten
 us at all4 ,dying is simple enough1    
and indeed easy1 for most of us4 ,but ,i
 expect that something very precise  and
 definite happens to us1 the moment we  
die4 ,it is probable1 ,i think1  that we
 shall set about building up a new body 
to inhabit at once1 as a  snail builds  
its shell4 ,we are very definite        
creatures1 all of us1 with  clearly     
apportioned tastes and energies1        
preferences and dislikes4 ,the only     
puzzling thing is that we do not all of 
us seem to have the bodies which  suit  
us here on earth3 fiery spirits should  
have large phlegmatic bodies1  and they 
too often have weak and inadequate      
bodies4 ,beautiful spirits  cannot      
always make their bodies beautiful1 and 
evil people have often very  lovely     

shapes and faces4 ,i confess ,i find all
 that very mysterious2  heredity is     
quite beyond me4 ,if it were merely     
confined to the body and  even the mind1
 ,i should not wonder at it1 but it     
seems to affect the soul  as well4 ,who 
can feel free in will1 if that is the   
case8 ,and now1 too1 they  say with some
 certainty that it seems as though all  
their own qualities  need not be        
transmitted by parents but that no      
quality can be transmitted  which is not
 present in the parents--that we can    
lose qualities1 that is1  but not gain  
them4 ,if that is true1 then all our    
qualities were present in  primitive    
forms of life1 and we are not really    
developing1 we are only  specialising4  
,all this hurts one to think of1 because
 it ties us hand and  foot4             
,presently he went on3 ,how ludicrous1  
after all1 to make up our mind about    
things as most of us do6 ,i believe that
 the desire for certainty is one of  the
 worst temptations of the devil4 ,it    

means closing our eyes and minds and    
hearts to experience2 and yet it seems  
the only way to accomplish anything4  ,i
 trust1 he said1 turning to me with a   
look of concern1 that you do not  feel  
that you are being formed or moulded    
here1 by me or by any of the  others8   
,no1 ,i said1 certainly not6 ,i feel1   
indeed1 since ,i came here1 that ,i     
have got a wider horizon of ideas1 and  
,i hope ,i am a little more tolerant4   
,i have certainly learnt from you not to
 despise ideas or experiences at  first 
sight1 but to look into them4    ,he    
seemed pleased at this1 and said3 ,yes1 
to look into them--we must do  that6    
,when we see anyone acting in a way that
 we admire1 or even in a way  which we  
dislike1 we must try to see why he acts 
so1 what makes him what he  is4 ,we must
 not despise any indications4 ,on the   
whole1 ,i think that people  behave well
 when they are happy1 and ill when they 
are afraid4 ,all violence  and spite    
come when we are afraid of being left   

out2 and we are happy when  we are using
 all our powers4 ,don't be too prudent6 
,don't ever be afraid of  uprooting     
yourself1 he added with great emphasis4 
,try experiments--in  life1 in work1 in 
companionship4 ,have an open mind6 ,that
 is why we should  be so careful what we
 pray for1 because in my experience     
prayers are  generally granted1 and     
often with a fine irony4 ,the grand     
irony of ,god6 ,it  is one of the things
 that most reassures me about ,him1 to  
find that ,he can  be ironical and      
indulgent2 because our best chance of   
discovering the  nature of things is    
that we should be given what we wish1   
just in order to  find out that it was  
not what we wished at all6    ,but1 ,i  
said1 if you are for ever experimenting1
 always moving on1 always  changing your
 mind1 don't you run the risk of never  
mixing with life at  all8    ,oh1 life  
will take care of that6 said ,father    
,payne1 smiling1 ,the time  will come   
when you will know where to post your   

battery1 and what to fire  at4 ,but     
don't try to make up your mind too      
early--don't try to fortify  yourself   
against doubts and anxieties4 ,that is  
the danger of all sensitive  people4    
,you can't attain to proved certainties 
in this life--at least1 you  can't at   
present4 ,i don't say that there are not
 certainties--indeed1 ,i  think that it 
is all certainty1 and that we mustn't   
confuse the unknown  with the           
unknowable4 ,as you go on1 if you are   
fair-minded and sympathetic1  you will  
get intuitions2 you will discover       
gradually exactly what you are  worth1  
and what you can do1 and how you can do 
it best4 ,but don't expect to  know that
 too soon4 ,and don't yield to the awful
 temptation of saying1 ',so  many good1 
fine1 reasonable people seem certain of 
this and that2 ,i had  better assume it 
to be true4' ,it isn't better1 it is    
only more comfortable4  ,a great many   
more people suffer from making up their 
mind too early and too  decisively than 

suffer from open-mindedness and the     
power to relate new  experience to old  
experience4 ,no one can write you out a 
prescription for  life4 ,you can't      
anticipate experience2 and if you do1   
you will only find  that you have to    
begin all over again4        ,,xxi      
,,of ,,beauty      ,father ,payne had   
been away on one of his rare journeys4  
,he always  maintained that a journey   
was one of the most enlivening things in
 the  world1 if it was not too often    
indulged in4 ,it intoxicates me1 he     
said1  to see new places1 houses1       
people4    ,why don't you travel more1  
then8 said someone4    ,for that very   
reason1 said ,father ,payne2 because it 
intoxicates me--and  ,i am too old for  
that sort of self-indulgence6    ,it's a
 dreadful business1 he went on1 that    
northern industrial country4  ,there's a
 grandeur about it--the bare valleys1   
the steep bleak fields1 the  dead or    
dying trees1 the huge factories4 ,those 
great furnaces1 with tall  iron         

cylinders and galleries1 and spidery    
contrivances1 and black pipes1  and     
engines swinging vast burdens about1 and
 moving wheels1 are fearfully           
interesting and magnificent4 ,they stand
 for all sorts of powers and forces2    
they frighten me by their strength and  
fierceness and submissiveness4 ,but  the
 land is awfully barren of beauty1 and  
,i doubt if that can be wholesome4  ,it 
all fascinates me1 it increases my      
pride1 but it makes me unhappy too1     
because it excludes beauty so           
completely4 ,those bleak stone-walled   
fields  of dirty grass1 the lines of    
grey houses1 are fine in their way--but 
one  wants colour and clearness4 ,i     
longed for a glimpse of elms and        
water-meadows1 and soft-wooded pastoral 
hills4 ,it produces a shrewd1  strong1  
good-tempered race1 but very little     
genius4 ,there is something  harsh about
 ,northerners--they haven't enough      
colour4    ,but you are always saying1  
said ,rose1 that we must look after     

form1 and  chance colour4    ,yes1 but  
that is because you are in statu        
pupillari1 said ,father  ,payne1 ,if a  
man begins by searching for colour and  
ornament and richness1  he gets clotted 
and glutinous4 ,colour looks after      
itself--but it isn't  clearness that ,i 
am afraid of1 it is shrewdness--,i think
 that is1 on the  whole1 a low quality1 
but it is awfully strong6 ,what ,i am   
afraid of1 in  bare laborious country   
like that1 is that people should only   
think of what  is comfortable and       
sensible4 ,imagination is what really   
matters4 ,it is not  enough to have     
solid emotions2 one ought not to be too 
reasonable about  emotions4 ,the thing  
is to care in an unreasonable and       
rapturous way about  beautiful things1  
and not to know why one cares4 ,that is 
the point of  things which are simply   
beautiful and nothing else1--that you   
feel it isn't  all capable of           
explanation4    ,but isn't that rather  
sentimental8 said ,rose4    ,no1 no1    

it's just the opposite1 said ,father    
,payne4 ,sentiment is when one          
understands and exaggerates an emotion2 
beauty isn't that--it is something      
mysterious and inexplicable2 it makes   
you bow the head and worship4 ,take  the
 sort of thing you may see on the coast 
of ,italy--a blue sea1 with gray  and   
orange cliffs falling steeply down into 
deep water2 a gap1 with a  clustering   
village1 coming down1 tier by tier1 to  
the sea's edge2 fantastic  castles on   
spires of rock1 thickets and dingles    
running down among the  clefts and out  
on the ledges1 and perhaps a glimpse of 
pale1 fantastic  hills behind4 ,no one  
could make it or design it2 but every   
line1 every  blending colour1 all       
combine to give you the sense of        
something  marvellously and joyfully    
contrived1 and made for the richness and
  sweetness of it4 ,that is the sort of 
moment when ,i feel the overwhelming    
beauty and nearness of ,god--everything 
done on a vast scale1 which floods  mind

 and heart with utter happiness and     
wonder4 ,anything so overpoweringly     
joyful and delicious and useless as all 
that must come out of a  fulness of joy4
 ,the sharp cliffs mean some old cutting
 and slashing1 the  blistering and      
burning of the earth2 and yet those old 
rents have been  clothed and mollified  
by some power that finds it worth while 
to do it--and  it isn't done for you or 
me1 either--there must be treasures of  
loveliness  going on hidden for         
centuries in tropic forests4 ,it's done 
for the sake of  doing it2 and we are   
granted a glimpse of it1 just to show us
 perhaps that  we are right to adore it1
 and to try in our clumsy way to make   
beautiful  things too4 ,that is why ,i  
envy the musician1 because he creates   
beauty more  directly then any other    
mind--and the best kind of poetry is of 
the same  order4    ,but isn't there a  
danger in all this8 said ,lestrange4    
,no1 ,i don't want  to say anything     
priggish1 he added1 seeing a contraction

 of ,father ,payne's  brows2 ,i only    
want to say what ,i feel4 ,i recognise  
the fascination of it  as much as anyone
 can--but isn't it1 as you said about   
travelling1 a kind  of intoxication8 ,i 
mean1 may it not be right to interpose  
it1 but yet not  right to follow it8    
,isn't it a selfish thing1 and doesn't  
it do the very  thing which you often   
speak against--blind us to other        
experience1 that  is8    ,yes1 there is 
something in that1 said ,father ,payne4 
,of course that is  always the          
difficulty about the artist1 that he    
appears to live selfishly  in joy--but  
it applies to most things4 ,the best you
 can do for the world is  often to turn 
your back upon it4 ,philanthropy is a   
beautiful thing in its  way1 but it must
 be done by people who like it--it is   
useless if it is done  in a grim and    
self-penalising way4 ,if a man is really
 big enough to follow  art1 he had      
better follow it4 ,i do not believe very
 much in the doctrine  that service to  

be useful must be painful4 ,no one      
doubts that ,wordsworth  gave more joy  
to humanity by living his own life than 
if he had been a  country doctor4 ,of   
course the sad part of it is when a man 
follows art and  does not succeed in    
giving pleasure4 ,but you must risk     
that--and a  real devotion to a thing   
gives the best chance of happiness to a 
man1 and  is perhaps1 too1 his best     
chance of giving something to others4   
,there is no  reason to think that      
,shakespeare was a philanthropist4      
,but does that apply to things like     
horse-racing or golf8 said ,rose4       
,no1 you must not pursue comfort1 said  
,father ,payne2 but ,i don't believe  in
 the theory that we have all got to set 
out to help other people4 ,that  implies
 that a man is aware of valuable things 
which he has to give away4  ,make       
friends if you can1 love people if you  
can1 but don't do it with a  sense of   
duty4 ,do what is natural and beautiful 
and attractive to do4 ,make  the little 

circle which surrounds you happy by     
sympathy and interest4 ,don't  deal in  
advice4 ,the only advice people take is 
that with which they agree4  ,and have  
your own work4 ,i think we are--many of 
us--afraid of enjoying  work2 but in any
 case1 if we can show other people how  
to perceive and  enjoy beauty1 we have  
done a very great thing4 ,the sense of  
beauty is  growing in the world4 ,many  
people are desiring it1 and religion    
doesn't  cater for it1 nor does duty    
cater for it4 ,but it is the only way to
 make  progress--and religion has got to
 find out how to include beauty in its  
programme1 or it will be left stranded4 
,nothing but beauty ever lifted  people 
higher--the unsensuous1 inexplicable    
charm1 which makes them ashamed  of     
dull1 ugly1 greedy1 quarrelsome ways4   
,it is only by virtue of beauty  that   
the world climbs higher--and if the     
world does climb higher by  something   
which isn't obviously beautiful1 it is  
only that we do not  recognise it as    

beautiful4 ,sin and evil are signals    
from the unknown1 of  course2 but they  
are danger signals1 and we follow them  
with terror--but  beauty is a signal    
too1 and it is the signal made by peace 
and happiness  and joy4        ,,xxii   
,,of ,,war      ,the talk one evening   
turned on ,war2 ,lestrange said that he 
believed it was  good for a nation to   
have a war3 ,it unites them with the    
sense of a common  purpose1 it evokes   
self-sacrifice1 it makes them turn to   
,god4    ,yes1 yes1 said ,father ,payne1
 rather impatiently4 ,but you can't     
personify  a nation like that2 that     
personification of societies and classes
 and  sections of the human race does no
 end of harm4 ,it is all a matter of    
statistics1 not of generalisation4 ,take
 your three statements4 ',it is good    
for a nation to have a war4' ,you mean1 
,i suppose1 that1 in spite of the  loss 
of the best stock and the disabling of  
strong young men1 and the               
disintegration of families1 and the     

hideous waste of time and               
money--subtracting all that--there is a 
balance of good to the survivors8       
,yes1 ,i think so1 said ,lestrange4     
,but are you sure about this8 said      
,father ,payne4 ,how do you know8 ,would
  you feel the same if you yourself were
 turned out a helpless invalid for  life
 with your occupation gone8 ,are you    
sure that you are not only  expressing  
the feeling of relief in the community  
at having a danger over8  ,is it more   
than the sense of gratitude of a man who
 has not suffered  unbearably1 to the   
people who have died and suffered8 ,the 
only  evidence worth having is that of  
the real sufferers4 ,take the case of   
the  people who have died4 ,you can't   
get evidence from them4 ,it is an       
assumption  that they are content to    
have died4 ,is not the glory which      
surrounds  them--and how short a time   
that lasts6--a human attempt to make    
consciences  comfortable1 and to relieve
 human doubts8 ,the worst of that theory

 is that  it makes so light of the worth
 of life2 and1 after all1 a soldier's   
business is to kill and not to be       
killed2 while1 generally speaking1 the  
worst turn that a strong1 healthy1 and  
honest man can do to his country is  to 
die prematurely4 ,of course war has a   
great and instinctive prestige  about   
it2 are we not misled by that into      
accepting it as an inevitable  business8
    ,no1 ,i believe there is a real     
gain1 said ,lestrange1 in the national  
sense of unity1 in the feeling of having
 been equal to an emergency4    ,but are
 you speaking of a nation which conquers
 or a nation which is  defeated8 said   
,father ,payne4    ,both1 said          
,lestrange2 it unites a nation in any   
case4    ,but if a nation is defeated1  
said ,father ,payne1 are they the better
 for  the common depression of not      
having been equal to the emergency8     
,it may make them set their teeth1 said 
,lestrange1 and prepare themselves      
better4    ,then it does not matter1    

said ,father ,payne1 whether they are   
united by  the complacency of conquest  
or by the desire for revenge8    ,i     
would not quite say that1 said          
,lestrange4 ,but at all events a desire 
for revenge might teach them discipline4
    ,i can't believe that1 said ,father 
,payne2 it seems to me to make all the  
difference what the purpose has been4 ,i
 do not believe that a nation gains  by 
being united for a predatory and        
aggressive purpose4 ,i think the victory
  of the ,germans in the                
,franco-,prussian war has been wholly   
bad for them4 ,it  has made them believe
 in aggressiveness4 ,a nation naturally 
philosophical  and moral1 and also both 
energetic and stupid1 acquires the sense
 of a  divine mission like that4 ,i     
don't believe that a belief in your own 
methods  of virtue is a wholesome       
belief4 ,that seems to me likely to     
perpetuate  war--and ,i suppose that we 
should all believe that war was an evil1
 if we  could produce the good results  

of it without war4    ,we all agreed to 
this4    ,i will grant1 said ,father    
,payne1 that if a nation which sincerely
  believes in peace and wishes to       
cultivate goodwill1 is wantonly and     
aggressively attacked1 and repels that  
attack1 it may gain much from war if  it
 sticks to its theory1 does not attempt 
reprisals1 and leaves the  conquered    
bully in a position to see its mistake  
and regain its  self-respect4 ,but it is
 a very dangerous kind of success for   
all that4 ,i do  not believe that       
complacency ever does anything but harm4
 ,the purpose must  be a good one in the
 first place1 the cause must be a great 
one1 and it  must be honestly pursued to
 the end1 if it is to help a nation4    
,but it lets  all sorts of old and evil 
passions loose1 and it makes slaughter  
glorious4  ,no1 ,i believe that at best 
it is a relapse into barbarism4 ,hardly 
any  nation is strong enough and great  
enough to profit either by conquest or  
by  defeat4    ,but what about the      

splendid self-sacrifice it all evokes8  
said ,lestrange4  ,people give up their 
comfort1 their careers1 they go to face 
the last  risk--is that nothing8    ,no1
 said ,father ,payne2 it is a very      
magnificent and splendid thing1--,i     
don't deny that4 ,but even so1 that     
can't be preserved artificially4 ,i mean
  that no one would think that1 if there
 were no chance of a real war1 it  would
 be a good thing to evoke such          
self-sacrifice by having manoeuvres in  
which the best youth of the country were
 pitted against each other1 to kill     
each other if possible4 ,there must be a
 real cause behind it4 ,no one  would   
say it was a noble thing for the youth  
of a country to fling  themselves down  
over a cliff or to infect themselves    
with leprosy to show  that they could   
despise suffering and death4 ,if it were
 possible to settle  the differences    
between nations without war1 war would  
be a wholly evil  thing4 ,the only thing
 that one can say is that while there   

exists a strong  nation which believes  
enough in war to make war aggressively1 
other nations  are bound to resist it4  
,but the nation which believes in war is
 ipso  facto an uncivilised nation4     
,but does not a war1 said ,lestrange1   
clear the air1 and take people away     
from petty aims and trivial squabbles   
into a sterner and larger  atmosphere8  
,yes1 ,i think it does1 said ,father    
,payne2 but a great pestilence might do 
that4 ,we might be thankful for all the 
good we could get out of a  pestilence1 
and be grateful for it2 but we should   
never dream of  artificially renewing it
 for that reason4 ,i look upon war as a 
sort of  pestilence1 a contagion which  
spreads under certain conditions4 ,but  
we  disguise the evil of it from        
ourselves1 if we allow ourselves to     
believe in  its being intrinsically     
glorious4 ,i can't believe that highway 
robbery has  only to be organised on a  
sufficiently large scale to make it     
glorious4 ,a  man who resists highway   

robbery1 and runs the risk of death1    
because he  wants to put a stop to it1  
seems to me a noble person--quite       
different from  the man who sees a row  
going on and joins in it because he does
 not want to  be out of a good thing6   
,do you remember the story of the       
,irishman who saw a  fight proceeding1  
and rushed into the fray wielding his   
shillelagh1 and  praying that it might  
fall on the right heads8 ,we have all of
 us  uncivilised instincts1 but it does 
not make them civilised to join with a  
million other people in indulging them4 
,i think that a man who refuses to  join
 from conviction1 at the risk of being  
hooted as a coward1 is probably  doing a
 braver thing still4    ,but ,i have    
often1 heard you say that life must be a
 battle1 said  ,lestrange4    ,yes1 said
 ,father ,payne1 but ,i know what ,i    
want to fight4 ,i want the  human race  
to join in fighting crime and disease1  
evil conditions of  nurture1 dishonesty 
and sensuality4 ,i don't want to pit the

 finest stock of  each country against  
each other4 ,that is simple suicide1 for
 two nations to  kill off the men who   
could fight evil best4 ,i want the      
nations to combine  collectively for a  
good purpose1 not to combine separately 
for a bad one4    ,i see that1 said     
,lestrange2 but ,i regard war as an     
inevitable element in  society as at    
present constituted4 ,i don't think the 
world can be persuaded  out of it4 ,if  
it ever ceases1 it will die a natural   
death because it will  suddenly be      
regarded as absurd4 ,meantime1 ,i think 
it is our duty to regard  the benefits  
of it2 and1 as ,i said1 it turns a      
nation to ,god--it takes them  out of   
petty squabbles1 and makes them         
recognise a power beyond and behind  the
 world4    ,yes1 that is so1 said       
,father ,payne1 if you regard war as    
caused by ,god4  ,but ,i rather believe 
that it is one of the things that ,god  
is fighting  against6 ,and ,i don't     
agree that it produces a noble temper   

all through4 ,it  does in many of the   
combatants2 but there is nothing so     
characteristic at  the outbreak of war  
as the amount of bullying that is done4 
,peaceful people  are hooted at and     
shouted down2 thousands of general      
convictions are  over-ridden2 the       
violent have it their own way2 it seems 
to me to organise  the unruly and       
obstreperous1 and to force all gentler  
and more civilised  natures into an     
unconvinced silence4 ,many of the people
 who do most for the  happiness of the  
world can't face unpopularity4 ,they are
 apt to think that  there must be       
something wrong with themselves1        
something spiritless and  abnormal1 if  
they find themselves loathing the       
cruelties of which others  seem to      
approve4 ,i do not believe that war     
organises wholesome and sane  opinion2  
,i believe that it silences it4 ,it is a
 time when base1 heartless1  cruel      
people can become heroes4 ,it is true   
that it also gives serene1  courageous1 

and calm people a great opportunity4    
,but on the whole it is a  bad time for 
sober1 orderly1 and peaceable people4 ,i
 believe that it evokes  a good many    
fine qualities--simplicity1             
uncomplaining patience1  unselfishness1 
but it reveals them rather than creates 
them4 ,it shows the  worth of a nation1 
but it should want a great deal of      
evidence before ,i  believe that it does
 more than prove to people that they are
 braver than  they know4 ,i can't       
believe vaguely in death and sorrow and 
disablement and  waste being good       
things4 ,it is merely a question of what
 you are paying so  ghastly a price for4
 ,in the ,napoleonic wars the price was 
paid for the  liberties of ,europe1 to  
show a great nation that it must abandon
 the ideal  of domination4 ,that is a   
great cause2 but it is great because men
 are evil1  and not because they are    
good4 ,war seems to me the temporary    
triumph of the  old bad past over the   
finer and more beautiful future4 ,do not

 let us be  taken in by the romance of  
it4 ,that is the childish view1 that    
loves the  sight and sound of the       
marching column and the stirring music4 
,people find  it hard to believe that   
anything so strong and gallant and      
cheerful  can have a sinister side4 ,and
 no doubt for a young1 strong1 and bold 
man the excitement of it is an intense  
pleasure4 ,but what we have to ask is   
whether we are right in taking so heavy 
a toll from the world for all that3  ,i 
do not think it right1 though it may be 
inevitable4 ,but then ,i belong to  the 
future1 and ,i think ,i should be more  
at home in the world a thousand  years  
hence than ,i am to-day4    ,but ,i go  
back to my point1 said ,lestrange3 does 
not a great war like  that send people  
to their knees in faith8    ,depend upon
 it1 said ,father ,payne1 that anything 
which makes people  acquiesce in        
preventable evil1 and see the beautiful 
effects of death and  pain and waste1 is
 the direct influence of the devil4 ,it 

is the last and  most guileful subtlety 
that he practises1 to make us solemnly  
mournful and  patient in the presence of
 calamities for which we have ourselves 
to thank4  ,the only prayer worth       
praying in the time of war is not1      
',help us to bear  this1' but ',help us 
to cure this'2 and to behave with meek  
reverence is to  behave like the old    
servant in ,the ,master of ,ballantrae1 
who bore  himself like an afflicted     
saint under an illness1 the root of     
which was  drunkenness4 ,the worst      
religion is that which keeps its sense  
of repentance  alive by its own         
misdeeds6    ,he was silent for a       
moment1 and then he said3 ,no1 we       
mustn't make terms  with war1 any more  
than we must do with cholera4 ,it's a   
great1  heartbreaking evil1 and it puts 
everything back a stage4 ,of course it  
brings out fine qualities--,i know      
that--and so does a plague of cholera4  
,it's the evil in both that brings out  
the fine things to oppose it4 ,but we   

ought to have more faith1 and believe   
that the fine qualities are  there--war 
doesn't create them1 it only shows you  
that they are  present--and we believe  
in war because it reassures us about the
 presence  of the great qualities4 ,it  
shows them1 and then blows them out1    
like the  flame of a candle4 ,but we    
want to keep them2 we don't want just to
 be shown  them1 with a risk of         
extinguishing them4 ,example can do     
something1 but not  half as much as     
inheritance2 and we sweep away the      
inheritance for the sake  of the        
romantic delight of seeing the great    
virtues flare up4 ,no1 he said1  war is 
one of the evil things that is trying to
 hurt mankind1 and  disguising itself in
 shining armour2 but it means men ill2  
it is for ever  trying to bring their   
dreams to an end4        ,,xxiii    ,,of
 ,,cads ,,and ,,pharisees      ,there   
are only two sorts of people with whom  
it is impossible to live1  said ,father 
,payne one day1 in a loud1 mournful     

tone4    ,elderly women and young women1
 ,i suppose he means1 said ,rose softly4
    ,no1 said ,father ,payne1 ,i        
protest6 ,i adore sensible women1 simple
 women1  clever women1 all non-predatory
 women--it is they who will not live    
with  me4 ,i forget they are not men1   
and they do not like that4 ,and then    
they are  so much more unselfish than   
men1 that they have generally axes to   
grind1  and ,i don't like that4    ,whom
 do you mean1 then8 said ,i4    ,cads   
and ,pharisees1 said ,father ,payne1 and
 they are not two sorts  really1 but    
one4 ,they are the people without       
imagination4 ,it is that which  destroys
 social life1 the lack of imagination4  
,the ,pharisee is the cad with  a       
tincture of ,puritanism4    ,what is the
 cad1 then8 said ,i4    ,well1 said     
,father ,payne1 he is very easy to      
detect1 and not very easy to  define4   
,he is the man who has got a perfectly  
definite idea of what he  wants1 and he 
suffers from isolation4 ,he can't put   

himself into anyone's  place1 or get    
inside other people's minds4 ,he is     
stupid1 and he is  unperceptive4 ,he    
does not detect the little looks1       
gestures1 tones of  voice1 which show   
when people are uncomfortable or        
disgusted4 ,he is not  uncomfortable or 
easily disgusted himself1 and he does   
not much mind other  people being so4   
,he says what he thinks1 and you have   
got to lump it4  ,sometimes he is       
good-natured enough1 and even brave4    
,there is an admirable  sketch of a     
good-natured cad in one of ,mrs4        
,walford's novels1 who is the  acme of  
kind indelicacy4 ,the cad is dreadful to
 live with1 because he is  always making
 one ashamed1 and ashamed of being      
ashamed1 because many of  the things he 
does do not really matter very much4    
,then1 when he is out of  sight and     
hearing1 you cannot trust him4 ,he makes
 mischief2 he throws mud4  ,if he is    
vexed with you1 he injures you with     
other people4 ,we are all  criticised   

behind our backs1 of course1 and we have
 all faults which amuse  and interest   
our friends2 and it is not caddish to   
criticise friends if one  is only       
interested in them4 ,but the cad is not 
interested1 except in  clearing other   
people out of his way4 ,he is           
treacherous and spiteful4 ,he  drops in 
upon you uninvited1 and then he tells   
people he could not get  enough to eat4 
,he repeats things you have said about  
your friends to the  people of whom you 
have spoken1 leaving out all the        
justifications1 and  says that he thinks
 they ought to know how you abuse them4 
,he borrows money  of you1 and if you   
ask him for repayment1 he says he is not
 accustomed to  be dunned4 ,he never can
 bring himself to apologise for         
anything1 and if you  lose your temper  
with him1 he says you are getting testy 
in your old age4  ,his one idea is to be
 formidable1 and he says that he does   
not let people  take liberties with him4
 ,he takes a mean and solitary view of  

the world1  and other people are merely 
channels for his own wishes1 or         
obstacles to  them4 ,the only way is to 
keep him at arm's length1 because he is 
not  disarmed by any generosity or      
trustfulness2 the discovery of          
caddishness in  a man is the only excuse
 for breaking off a companionship4 ,the 
worst of it  is that cads are sometimes 
very clever1 and don't let the          
caddishness  appear till you are hooked4
 ,the mischief really is that the cad   
has no  morals1 no sense of social duty4
    ,what about ,pharisees8 said ,i4    
,well1 the ,pharisee has too many       
morals1 said ,father ,payne4 ,he is the 
person whose own tastes are a sort of   
standard4 ,if you disagree with him1  he
 thinks you must be wicked4 ,if your    
tastes differ from his1 they are of  the
 nature of sin4 ,you live under his     
displeasure4 ,if he dresses for  dinner1
 it is sloppy and middle-class not to do
 so4 ,if he doesn't dress for  dinner1  
the people who do are either wasting    

time or aping the manners of  the great4
 ,he is always very strong about wasting
 time4 ,if he likes  gardening1 he says 
it is the best sort of exercise2 if he  
does not1 he says  that it is bilious   
work muddling about in a corner4        
,everything that he does  is done on    
principle1 but he uses his principles to
 bludgeon other people4  ,if you make   
him the subject of a harmless jest1 he  
says that he cannot bear  personalities4
 ,you can please him only by deferring  
to him1 and the only  way to manage him 
is by gross flattery4 ,a ,pharisee can  
be a gentleman1 and  he isn't purely    
noxious like the cad2 he is only        
unpleasant and  discouraging4 ,he is    
quite impervious to argument1 and only  
says that he  thought the principle he  
is contending for was generally         
accepted4 ,the  ,pharisee wants in a    
heavy way to improve the world1 and     
thinks meanly of  it1 while the cad     
thinks meanly of it1 and wants to       
exploit it4 ,the  ,pharisee is a tyrant1

 and hates freedom2 but you can often   
make a friend of  him by asking him a   
favour1 if you are also prepared to be  
subsequently  reminded of the trouble he
 took to serve you4    ,i think that the
 ,pharisee perhaps does most harm in the
 end1 because he  hates all experiments4
 ,he does harm to the young1 because he 
makes them  dislike virtue and mistrust 
beauty4 ,the cad does not corrupt--in   
fact1 ,i  think he rather improves      
people1 because he is so ugly a case of 
what no  one wishes to be--and it is    
better to hate people than to be        
frightened of  them4 ,if we got a cad   
and a ,pharisee in here1 for instance1  
it would be  easier to get rid of the   
cad than the ,pharisee4    ,i begin to  
breathe more freely1 said ,vincent4 ,i  
had begun to review my  conscience4     
,father ,payne laughed4 ,it's all blank 
cartridge1 he said4        ,,xxiv       
,,of ,,continuance      ,i was walking  
with ,father ,payne in the garden one   
day of spring4 ,i think ,i  liked him   

better when ,i was alone with him than  
,i did when we were all  together4 ,his 
mind expanded more tenderly and         
simply--less  epigrammatically4 ,he     
spoke of this once to me1 saying3 ,i am 
at my best  when alone2 even one        
companion deflects me4 ,i find myself   
wishing to please  him1 pinching off    
roughnesses1 perfuming truth1           
diplomatising4 ,this ought  not to be1  
of course2 and if one was not thorny1   
self-assertive1 stupid1 it  would not be
 so2 and every companion added makes me 
worse1 because the  strain of           
accommodation grows--,i become vulgar   
and rough and boisterous in  a large    
circle4 ,i often feel3 ',how these young
 men must be hating this  gibbering and 
giggling ape1 which after all is not    
really me6' ,i tried to  reassure him1  
but he shook his head1 though with a    
smiling air4 ,barthrop  is not like     
that1 he said1 the wise ,barthrop6 ,he  
is never suspicious or  hasty--he does  
not think it necessary to affirm2 yet   

you are never in any  doubt what he     
thinks6 ,he moves along like water1     
never anxious if he is  held up or      
divided1 creeping on as the land        
lies--that is the right way4            
,presently he stopped1 and looked long  
at some daffodil blades which were      
thrusting up in a sheltered place4 ,look
 at the gray bloom on those  blades1 he 
said2 isn't that perfect8 ,fancy        
thinking of that--each of them  so      
obviously the same thought taking shape1
 yet each of them different4 ,do  not   
you see in them something calm1         
continuous1 active--happy1 in fact--at  
work2 often tripped up and imprisoned1  
and thwarted--but moving on8 ,he was    
silent a little1 and then he said3 ,this
 force of life--what a  fascinating     
mystery it is--never dying1 never       
ceasing1 always coming back  to shape   
itself into matter4 ,i wonder sometimes 
it is not content to exist  alone2 but  
no1 it is always back again1 arranging  
matter1 manipulating it  into beautiful 

shapes and creatures1 never discouraged2
 even when the plant  falls ill and     
begins to pine away1 the happy life is  
within it--languid  perhaps1 but just   
waiting for the release1 till the cage  
in which it has  imprisoned itself is   
opened1 and then--so ,i believe--back   
again in an  instant somewhere else4    
,i am inclined to believe1 he went on1  
that that is what we are all  about2 it 
seems to me the only explanation for the
 fact that we care so  much about the   
past and the future4 ,if we are         
creatures of a day1 why  should we be   
interested8 ,the only reason we care    
about the past is because  we ourselves 
were there in it2 and we care about the 
future because we  shall be there in it 
again4    ,you mean a sort of           
re-incarnation1 ,i said4    ,that's an  
ugly word for a beautiful thing1 he     
said4 ,but this love of  life1 this     
impulse to live1 to protect ourselves1  
to keep ourselves alive1  must surely   
mean that we have always lived and shall

 always live4 ,some  people think that  
dreadful4 ,they think it is taking      
liberties with them4 ,if  they are rich 
and comfortable and dignified1 they     
cannot bear to think that  they may have
 to begin again1 perhaps as a baby in a 
slum--or they grow  tired1 and think    
they want rest2 but we can't rest--we   
must live again1 we  must be back at    
work2 and of course the real hope in it 
all is that1 when  we do anything to    
make the world happier1 it is our own   
future that we are  working for4 ,who   
could care about the future of the      
world1 if he was to be  banished from it
 for ever8 ,i was reading a book the    
other day1 in which a  wise and a good  
man said that he felt about the future  
progress of the  world as ,moses did    
about the promised land1 'not as of     
something we want to  have for          
ourselves1 but as of something which we 
want to exist1 whether we  exist or no1'
 ,i can't take so impersonal a view6 ,if
 one really believed  that one was going

 to be extinguished in death1 one would 
care no more  about the world's future  
than one cares where the passengers in a
 train are  going to1 when we get out at
 a station4 ,who1 on arriving at home1  
can lose  himself in wondering where his
 fellow-travellers have got to8 ,we have
  better things to do than that6 ,that  
is the sham altruism4 ,it is as if a boy
  at school1 instead of learning his own
 lesson1 spent his time in imploring    
the other boys to learn theirs4 ,that is
 what we are whipped for--for not       
learning our own lesson4    ,but if all 
this is so1 ,i said1 why don't we know  
that we shall  live again8 ,why is the  
one thing which is important for us to  
know hidden  from us8    ,i think we do 
know it1 said ,father ,payne1 deep down 
in ourselves4 ,it is  why it is worth   
while to go on living4 ,if we believed  
our reason1 which  tells us that we come
 to an end and sink into silence1 we    
could not care to  live1 to suffer1 to  
form passionate ties which must all be  

severed1 only to  sink into nothingness 
ourselves4 ,if we will listen to our    
instincts1 they  assure us that it is   
all worth doing1 because it all has a   
significance for us in the life that    
comes next4    ,but if we are to go on  
living1 ,i said1 are we to forget all   
the love and  interest and delight of   
life8 ,there seems no continuance of    
identity  without memory4    ,oh1 said  
,father ,payne1 that is another delusion
 of reason4 ,our qualities  remain--our 
power of being interested1 of loving1 of
 caring1 of suffering4  ,we practise    
them a little in one life1 we practise  
them again in the  next--that is why we 
improve4 ,i forget who it was who said  
it1 but it is  quite true1 that there   
are numberless people now alive1 who1   
because of  their orderliness1 their    
patience1 their kindness1 their         
sweetness1 would  have been adored as   
saints if they had lived in mediaeval   
times4 ,and that  is the best reason we 
have for suppressing as far as we can   

our evil  dispositions1 and for living  
bravely and freely in happy energy1 that
 we  shall make a little better start   
next time4 ,it is not the particular    
people  we love who matter--it is the   
power of loving other people--and if we 
meet  the same people as those we loved 
again1 we shall love them again2 and if 
we do not1 why1 there will be others to 
love4 ,one of the worst limitations  ,i 
feel is the fact that there are so many 
thousand people on earth whom ,i  could 
love1 if ,i could but meet them--and ,i 
am not going to believe that  this      
wretched span of days is my only chance 
of meeting them4 ,we need not  be in a  
hurry--and yet we have no time to waste6
    ,he stopped for a moment1 and then  
added3 ,when ,i lived in ,london1 and   
was  very poor1 and had either too much 
or not enough to do1 and was altogether 
very unhappy1 ,i used to wander about   
the streets and wonder how ,i could be  
so much alone when there were so many   
possible friends4 ,just above ,ludgate  

,railway ,viaduct1 as you go to ,st4    
,paul's1 there is a church on your left1
 a  ,wren church1 very plain1 of white  
and blackened stone1 and an odd lead    
spire at the top4 ,it has hardly any    
ornament1 but just over the central     
doorway1 under a sort of pediment1 there
 is a little childish angel's head1  a  
beautiful little baby face1 with such an
 expression of stifled  bewilderment4   
,it seems to say1 ',why should ,i hang  
here1 covered with soot1  with this mob 
of people jostling along below1 in all  
this noise and dirt8'  ,the child looks 
as if it was just about to burst into   
tears4 ,i used to feel  like that4 ,i   
used to feel that ,i was meant to be    
happy1 and even to make  people happy1  
and that ,i had been caught and pinned  
down in a sort of  pillory4 ,it's a     
grievous mistake to feel like that4     
,self-pity is the worst  of all         
luxuries6 ,but ,i think ,i owe all my   
happiness to that bad time4  ,coming    
here was like a resurrection2 and ,i    

never grudged the time when ,i  was face
 to face with a nasty1 poky1 useless    
life4 ,and if that can happen  inside a 
single existence1 ,i am not going to    
despair about the possibility  of its   
happening in many existences4 ,i dreamed
 the other night that ,i saw a  party of
 little angels singing a song together1 
all absorbed in making  music1 and ,i   
recognised the little child of ,ludgate 
,hill in the middle of  them singing    
loud and clear4 ,he gave me a little    
smile and something like a  wink1 and ,i
 knew that he had got his promotion4 ,we
 ought all of us1 and  always1 to be    
expecting that4 ,but we have got to earn
 it1 of course4 ,it  does not come if we
 wait with folded hands4        ,,xxv   
,,of ,,philanthropy      ,father ,payne 
told us an odd story to-day of a big    
house on the outskirts of  ,london1 with
 a great garden and some fields         
belonging to it1 that was shut  up for  
years and seemed neglected4 ,it was     
inhabited by an old retired  ,colonel   

and his daughter3 the daughter had      
become an invalid1 and her mind  was    
believed to be affected4 ,no one ever   
came to the house or called there4  ,a  
wall ran1 round it1 and the trees grew  
thick and tangled within2 the big  gates
 were locked4 ,occasionally the ,colonel
 came out of a side-door1 a tall        
handsome man1 and took a brisk walk2    
sometimes he would be seen handing his  
daughter1 much wrapped up1 into a       
carriage1 and they drove together4 ,but 
the place had a sinister air1 and was   
altogether regarded with a gloomy       
curiosity4    ,when the ,colonel died1  
it was discovered that the place was    
beautifully  kept within1 and the house 
delightfully furnished4 ,it came out    
that1 after  a period of mental         
depression1 the daughter had recovered  
her spirits1  though her health was     
still delicate4 ,the two were devoted to
 each other1  and they decided that1    
instead of living an ordinary sociable  
life1 they  would just enjoy each       

other's society in peace4 ,it had been  
the happiest  life1 simple1 tenderly    
affectionate1 the two living in and for 
each other1  and one1 moreover1 of      
open-handed1 secret benevolence4 ,apart 
from the  expenses of the household1 the
 ,colonel's wealth had been used to     
support  every kind of good work4 ,only 
one old friend of the ,colonel's was in 
the  secret1 and he spoke of it as one  
of the most beautiful homes he had ever 
seen4    ,someone of us criticised the  
story1 and asked whether it was not a   
case of  refined selfishness4 ,he added 
rather incisively that the expenditure  
of  money on charitable objects seemed  
to him to show that the ,colonel's      
conscience was ill at ease4    ,father  
,payne was very indignant4 ,he said the 
world had gone mad on  philanthropy and 
social service4 ,three-quarters of it   
was only fussy  ambition4 ,he went on to
 say that a beautiful and simple life   
was probably  the thing most worth      
living in the world1 and that two people

 could hardly  be better employed than  
in making each other happy4 ,he said    
that he did not  believe in self-denial 
unless people liked it4 ,was it really a
 finer life  to chatter at              
dinner-parties and tea-parties1 and     
occasionally to inspect  an orphanage8  
,perspiration was not the only evidence 
of godliness4 ,why1 was  it to be       
supposed that one could not live        
worthily unless one was always  poking  
one's nose into one's neighbour's       
concerns8 ,he said that you might  as   
well say that it was refined selfishness
 to have a rose-tree in your  garden1   
unless you cut off every bud the moment 
it appeared and sent it to  a hospital4 
,if the critic really believed what he  
said1 ,aveley was no place  for him4    
,let him go to ,chicago6        ,,xxvi  
,,of ,,fear      ,i forget what led up  
to the subject2 perhaps ,i did not hear2
 but ,father  ,payne said1 ,it isn't for
 nothing that 'the fearful' head the    
list of all  the abominable             

people--murderers1 sorcerers1 idolaters2
 and liars--who are  reserved for the   
lake of fire and brimstone6 ,fear is the
 one thing that we  are always wrong in 
yielding to3 ,i don't mean timidity and 
cowardice1 but  the sort of heavy1 mild1
 and rather pious sort of foreboding    
that wakes one  up early in the morning1
 and that takes all the wind out of     
one's sails2  fear of not being liked1  
of having given offence1 of living      
uselessly1 of  wasting time and         
opportunities4 ,whatever we do1 we must 
not lead an  apologetic kind of life4   
,if we on the whole intend to do        
something which we  think may be wrong1 
it is better to do it--it is wrong to be
 cautious and  prudent4 ,i love         
experiments4    ,isn't that rather      
immoral8 said ,lestrange4    ,no1 my    
dear boy1 said ,father ,payne1 we must  
make mistakes3 better make  them6 ,i am 
not speaking of things obviously wrong1 
cruel1 unkind1  ungenerous1 spiteful    
things2 but it is right to give oneself 

away1 to yield  to impulses1 not to take
 advice too much1 and not to calculate  
consequences  too much4 ,i hate the     
,robinson ,crusoe method of balancing   
pros and cons4  ,live your own life1 do 
what you are inclined to do1 as long as 
you really  do it4 ,that is probably the
 best way of serving the world4 ,don't  
be argued  into things1 or bullied out  
of them4 ,you need not parade it--but   
rebel  silently4 ,it is absolutely      
useless going about knocking people     
down4 ,that  proves nothing except that 
you are stronger4 ,don't show up people1
 or fight  people2 establish a stronger 
influence if you can1 and make people   
see that  it is happier and pleasanter  
to live as you live4 ,make them envy    
you--don't  make them fear you4 ,you    
must not play with fear1 and you must   
not yield to  fear4        ,,xxvii      
,,of ,,aristocracy      ,father ,payne  
came into the hall one morning after    
breakfast when ,i was  opening a parcel 
of books which had arrived for me4 ,it  

was a fine1 sunny  day1 and the sun lit 
up the portrait framed in the panelling 
over the  mantelpiece1 an old and       
skilful copy 7at least ,i suppose it was
 a copy7 of  ,reynolds' fine portrait of
 ,james1 tenth ,earl of ,shropshire4    
,father ,payne  regarded the picture    
earnestly4 ,isn't he magnificent8 he    
said4 ,but he  was a very poor creature 
really1 and came to great grief4 ,my    
great-great-grandfather6 ,his           
granddaughter married my grandfather4   
,now look  at that--that's the best we  
can do in the way of breeding6 ,there's 
a man  whose direct ancestors1 father to
 son1 had simply the best that money can
  buy--fine houses to live in1 power1   
the pick of the matrimonial market1 the 
best education1 a fine tradition1 every 
inducement to behave like a hero2  and  
what did he do--he gambled away his     
inheritance1 and died of drink and  bad 
courses4 ,we can't get what we want1 it 
would seem1 by breeding human  beings1  
though we can do it with cows and pigs4 

,where and how does the  thing go wrong8
 ,his father and mother were both of    
them admirable  people--fine in every   
sense of the word4    ,and then people  
talk1 too1 as if we had got rid of      
idolatry6 ,we make a man  a peer1 we    
heap wealth upon him1 and then we       
worship him for his  magnificence1 and  
are deeply affected if he talks civilly 
to us4 ,we don't  do it quite so much   
now1 perhaps--but in that man's day1    
think what an  aroma of rank and        
splendour is cast1 even in ,boswell's   
,life of  ,johnson1 over a dinner-party 
where a man like that was present6 ,if  
he  paid ,johnson the most trumpery of  
compliments1 ,johnson bowed low1 and    
down  it went on ,boswell's cuff6 ,yet  
we go on perpetuating it4 ,we don't     
require  that such a man should be      
active1 public-spirited1 wise4 ,if he is
 fond of  field-sports1 fairly          
business-like1 kindly1 courteous1       
decently virtuous1  we think him a great
 man1 and feel mildly elated at meeting 

him and being  spoken to civilly by him4
 ,i don't mean that only snobs feel     
that2 but  respectable people1 who don't
 pursue fashion1 would be more pleased  
if an  ,earl they knew turned up and    
asked for a cup of tea than if the      
worthiest  of their neighbours did so4  
,i don't exaggerate the power of        
rank--it  doesn't make a man necessarily
 powerful now1 but a very little        
ability1  backed up by rank1 will go a  
long way4 ,a great general or a great   
statesman  likes to be made an ,earl2   
and yet a good many people would like an
 ,earl of  long descent quite as much4  
,there are a lot of people about who    
feel as  ,melbourne did when he said he 
liked the ,garter so much because there 
was no  d----d merit about it4 ,i       
believe we admire people who inherit    
magnificence  better than we admire     
people who earn it2 and while that      
feeling is there1  what can be done to  
alter it8    ,i don't think ,i want to  
alter it1 ,i said2 it is very           

picturesque6    ,yes1 there's the       
mischief1 said ,father ,payne1 it is    
more  picturesque1 hang it all6 ,the old
 aristocrat who feels like a prince and 
behaves like one1 is more picturesque   
than the person who has  sweated himself
 into it4 ,think of the old ,duke who   
was told he must  retrench1 and that he 
need not have six still-room maids in   
his  establishment1 and said1 after a   
brief period of reflection1 ',d----n it1
 a  man must have a biscuit6' ,we like  
insolence6 ,that is to say1 we like  it 
in its place1 because we admire power4  
,it's ten times more impressive  than   
the meekness of the saint4 ,the mischief
 is that we like anything from  a man of
 power4 ,if he is insolent1 we think it 
grand2 if he is stupid1 we  think it a  
sort of condescension2 if he is mild and
 polite1 we think it  marvellous2 if he 
is boorish1 we think it is              
simple-minded4 ,it is power  that we    
admire1 or rather success1 and both can 
be inherited4 ,if a man gets  a big     

position in ,england1 he is always said 
to grow into it2 but that is  because we
 care about the position more than we   
care about the man4    ,when ,i was     
younger1 he went on1 ,i used to like    
meeting successful  people--it was only 
rarely that ,i got the chance--but ,i   
gradually  discovered that they were    
not1 on the whole1 the interesting      
people4  ,sometimes they were1 of       
course1 when they were big animated men1
 full of  vitality and interest4 ,but   
many men use themselves up in attaining 
success1  and haven't anything much to  
give you except their tired side4 ,no1  
,i soon  found out that freshness was   
the interesting thing1 wherever it was  
to be  found--and1 mind you1 it isn't   
very common4 ,many people have to arrive
 at  success by resolute                
self-limitation2 and that becomes very  
uninteresting4  ,buoyancy1 sympathy1    
quick interests1 perceptiveness--that's 
the supreme  charm2 and the worst of it 
is that it mostly belongs to the people 

who  haven't taken too much out of      
themselves4 ,when we have got a really  
well-ordered ,state1 no one will have   
any reason to work too hard1 and then   
we shall all be the happier4 ,these     
gigantic toilers1 it's a sort of        
morbidity1 you know2 the real success is
 to enjoy work1 not to drudge  yourself 
dry4 ,one must overflow--not pump6      
,but what is an artist to do1 ,i said1  
who is simply haunted by the desire  to 
make something beautiful8    ,he must   
hold his hand1 said ,father ,payne2 he  
must learn to waste his  time1 and he   
must love wasting it4 ,a habit of       
creative work is an awful  thing4       
,come out for a turn1 he went on2 never 
mind these rotten books2 don't  get into
 a habit of reading--it's like endlessly
 listening to good talk  without ever   
joining in it--it makes a corpulent     
mind6    ,we went and walked in the     
garden2 he stopped before some giant    
hemlocks4  ,just look at those great    
things1 he said1 built up as            

geometrically as a  cathedral1 tier     
above tier1 and yet not quite regular4  
,there must be  something very hard at  
work inside that1 piling it all up1     
adding cell to  cell1 carrying out a    
plan1 and enjoying it all4 ,yet the     
beauty of it is  that it isn't perfectly
 regular4 ,you see the underlying       
scheme1 yet the  separate shoots are not
 quite mechanical--they lean away from  
each other1  that joint is a trifle     
shorter--there wasn't quite room at the 
start in  that stem1 and the pressure   
goes on showing right up to the top1 ,i 
suppose  our lives would look very      
nearly as geometrical to anyone who     
knew--really knew2 but how little       
geometrical we feel6 ,i don't  suppose  
this hemlock is cursed by the power of  
thinking it might have done  otherwise1 
or envies the roses4 ,we mustn't spend  
time in envying1 or  repenting          
either--or still less in renouncing     
life4    ,but if ,i want to renounce it1
 ,i said1 why shouldn't ,i8    ,yes1    

there you have me1 said ,father ,payne2 
we know so little about  ourselves1 that
 we don't always know whether we do     
better to renounce a  thing or to seize 
it4 ,make experiments1 ,i say--don't    
make habits4    ,but you are always     
drilling me into habits1 ,i said4    ,he
 gave me a little shake with his hand4  
,yes1 the habit of being able to  do a  
thing1 he said1 not the habit of being  
unable to do anything else6  ,hang these
 metaphysics1 if that is what they are6 
,what ,i want you young men  to do is to
 get a firm hold upon life1 and to feel 
that it is a finer thing  than any      
little presentment of it4 ,i want you to
 feel and enjoy for  yourselves1 and to 
live freely and generously4 ,bad things 
happen to all of  us1 of course2 but we 
mustn't mind that--not to be petty or   
quarrelsome1 or  hidebound or prudish or
 over-particular1 that's the point4 ,to 
leave other  people alone1 except on the
 rare occasions when they are not       
letting other  people alone2 to be      

peaceable1 and yet not to be afraid2 not
 to be hurt and  vexed2 to practise     
forgetting2 not to want to pouch things6
 ,it's all very  well for me to talk1 he
 said2 ,i made a sufficient hash of it1 
when ,i was  poor and miserable and     
overworked2 and then ,i was transplanted
 out of a  slum window-box into a sunny 
garden1 just in time2 yet ,i'm sure that
 most  of my old troubles were in a way 
of my own making1 because ,i hated being
 so  insignificant2 but ,i fear that was
 a little poison lurking in me from the 
,earls of ,shropshire4 ,that is the odd 
thing about ambitions1 that they seem   
so often like regaining a lost position 
rather than making a new one4 ,the      
truth is that we are caged2 and the only
 thing to do is to think about the  cage
 as little as we can4        ,,xxviii   
,,of ,,crystals      ,one day ,i was    
strolling down the garden among the     
winding paths1 when ,i  came suddenly   
upon ,father ,payne1 who was hurrying   
towards the house4 ,he had  in each of  

his hands a large roughly spherical     
stone1 and looked at me a  little       
shamefacedly4    ,you look1 ,father1 ,i 
said1 as if you were going to stone     
,stephen4    ,he laughed1 and looked at 
the stones4 ,yes1 he said1 they are what
 the  ,greeks called 'hand-fillers1' for
 use in battle--but ,i have no nefarious
  designs4    ,what are you going to do 
with them8 ,i said    ,that's a secret6 
he said1 and made as if he were going   
in4 ,then he said1  ,come1 you shall    
hear it--you shall share my secret1 and 
be a partner in my  dreams1 as the      
fisherman says in ,theocritus4 ,but he  
did not tell me what  he was going to   
do1 and seemed half shy of doing so4    
,it's like ,dr4 ,johnson and the        
orange-peel1 ,i said4 ',nay1 ,sir1 you  
shall  know their fate no further4'     
,well1 the truth is1 he said at last1   
that ,i'm a perfect baby4 ,i never  can 
resist looking into a hole in the       
ground1 and ,i happened to look into    
the pit where we dig gravel4 ,i can't   

tell you how long ,i spent there4       
,what were you doing8 ,i said4          
,looking for fossils1 he said2 ,i had a 
great gift for finding them when ,i  was
 a child4 ,i didn't find any fossils    
to-day1 but ,i found these stones1  and 
,i think they contain crystals4 ,i am   
going to break them and see4    ,i took 
one in my hand4 ,i think they are only  
fossil sponges1 ,i said2  there will    
only be a rusty sort of core inside4    
,you know that6 he said1 brightening up2
 you know about stones too8 ,but  these 
are not sponges--they would rattle if   
they were--no1 they contain             
crystals--,i am sure of it4 ,come and   
see6    ,we went into the stable-yard4  
,father ,payne fetched a hammer1 and    
then  selected a convenient place in the
 cobbled yard to break the stones4 ,he  
put  one of them in position1 and aimed 
a blow at it1 but it glanced off1 and   
the stone flew off with the impact to   
some distance4 ,lie still1 can't  you8  
said ,father ,payne1 apostrophising the 

stone1 and adding1 ,this is for  my     
pleasure1 not for yours4 ,i recovered   
the stone1 and brought it back1  and    
,father ,payne broke it with a          
well-directed blow4 ,he gathered up the 
pieces eagerly4 ,yes1 he said1 it's all 
right--they are blue crystals3  better  
than ,i had hoped4    ,he handed a      
fragment to me to look at4 ,the inside  
of the stone was hollow4  ,it had a     
coagulated appearance1 and was thickly  
coated with minute bluish  crystals1    
very beautiful4    ,i don't know that ,i
 ever saw a stone ,i liked as well as   
this1 said ,father  ,payne1 musing over 
another piece4 ,think what millions of  
years this has  been like that1--before 
,abraham was6 ,it has never seen the    
light of day  before--it's a splash of  
some molten stone1 which fell plop into 
a cool  sea-current1 ,i suppose4 ,i wish
 ,i knew all about it4 ,the question1   
is1 why  is it so beautiful8 ,it        
couldn't help it1 ,i suppose6 ,but for  
whose delight8  ,then he said1 ,i       

suppose this was a vacuum in here till  
it was broken8 ,that  is why it is so   
clear and fresh4 ,good ,heavens1 what   
would ,i not give to  know why this     
thing cooled into these lovely little   
shapes4 ,it's no use  talking about the 
laws of matter--why are the laws of     
matter what they are1  and not          
different8 ,and odder still1 why do ,i  
like the look of it8    ,perhaps that is
 a law of matter too1 ,i said4    ,oh1  
shut up6 said ,father ,payne to me4 ,but
 ,i understand--and of course  the      
temptation is to believe that this was  
all done on your account and  mine4     
,that is as odd a thing as the stone    
itself1 if you come to think of  it1    
that we should be made so that we refer 
everything to ourselves1 and to  believe
 that ,god prepared this pretty show for
 us4    ,i suppose we come in somewhere8
 ,i said4    ,yes1 we are allowed to see
 it1 said ,father ,payne4 ,but it wasn't
 arranged  for the benefit of a silly   
old man like me4 ,that is the worst of  

our  religious theories--that we believe
 that ,god is for ever making personal  
appeals to us4 ,it is that sort of      
self-importance which spoils everything4
    ,but ,i can hardly believe that we  
have this sense of self-importance only 
to get rid of it1 ,i said4 ,it all seems
 to me a dreadful muddle--to shut  up   
these lovely little things inside       
millions of stones1 and then to give  us
 the wish to break a couple1 only that  
we may reflect that they were not  meant
 for us to see at all4    ,father ,payne
 gave a groan4 ,yes1 it is a muddle6 he 
said4 ,but one thing ,i  feel clear     
about--that a beautiful thing like this 
means a sense of joy  somewhere3 some   
happiness went to the making of things  
which in a sense are  quite useless1 but
 are unutterably lovely all the same4   
,beauty implies  consciousness--but     
come1 we are neglecting our business4   
,give me the other  stone at once6    ,i
 gave it him1 and he cracked it4 ,very  
disappointing6 he said4 ,i made  sure   

there was a beautiful stone1 but it is  
all solid--only a flaky sort of         
jelly--it's no use at all6    ,he threw 
it aside1 but carefully gathered up the 
fragments of the  crystalline stone4    
,don't tell of me6 he said1 looking at  
me whimsically4  ,this is the sort of   
nonsense which our sensible friends     
won't understand4  ,but now that ,i know
 that you care about stones1 we will    
have a rare hunt  together one of these 
days4 ,but mind--no stuff about geology6
 ,it's beauty  that we are in search of1
 you and ,i4        ,,xxix    ,,early   
,,life      ,one day1 to my surprise and
 delight1 ,father ,payne indulged in    
some personal  reminiscences about his  
early life4 ,he did not as a rule do    
this4 ,he used  to say that it was the  
surest sign of decadence to think much  
about the  past4 ,sometimes when ,i wake
 early1 he said1 ,i find myself going   
back to  my childhood1 and living       
through scene after scene4 ,it's not    
wholesome--,i  always know ,i am a      

little out of sorts when ,i do that--it 
is only one  degree better than making  
plans about the future6    ,however1 on 
this occasion he was very communicative4
 ,he had been talking  about ,ruskin1   
and he said3 ,do you remember in        
,praeterita how  ,ruskin1 writing about 
his sheltered and complacent childhood1 
describes how  entirely he lived in the 
pleasure of sight8 ,he noticed          
everything1  the shapes and colours of  
things1 the almond blossom1 the ants    
that made  nests in the garden walk1 the
 things they saw in their travels4 ,he  
was  entirely absorbed in               
sense-impressions4 ,well1 that threw a  
light on my own  life1 because it was   
exactly what happened to me as a child4 
,i lived wholly  in observation4 ,i had 
no mind and very little heart4 ,i       
suppose that ,i had  so much to do      
looking at everything1 getting the      
shapes and the textures  and the        
qualities of everything by heart1 that  
,i had no time to think about  ideas and

 emotions4 ,i had a very lonely         
childhood1 you know1 brought up in  the 
country by my mother1 who was rather an 
invalid1 my father being dead4  ,i had  
no companions to speak of1 and ,i didn't
 care about anyone or need  anyone--it  
was all simply a collecting of          
impressions4 ,the result is that ,i  can
 visualise anything and                 
everything--speak of a larch-bud or a   
fir-cone1  and there it is before       
me--the little rosy fragrant tuft1 or   
the glossy  rectangular squares of the  
cone4 ,then ,i went to ,marlborough1 and
 ,i was  dreadfully unhappy1 ,i hated   
everything and everybody--the ugliness  
and  slovenliness of it all1 the noise1 
the fuss1 the stink4 ,i did not feel ,i 
had anything in common with those little
 brutes1 as ,i thought them4 ,i lived   
the life of a blind creature in a       
fright1 groping aimlessly about4 ,i     
joined  in nothing--but ,i was always   
strong1 and so ,i was left alone4 ,no   
one dared  to interfere with me2 and ,i 

have sometimes wished ,i hadn't been so 
strong1  that ,i had had the experience 
of being weak4 ,i dare say that nasty   
things  might have happened--but ,i     
should have known more what the world   
was like1  ,i should have depended more 
upon other people1 ,i should have made  
friends4  ,as it was1 ,i left school    
entirely innocent1 very solitary1 very  
modest1  thinking myself a complete     
duffer1 and everyone else a beast4 ,it  
got a  little better at the end of my   
time1 and ,i had a companion or two--but
 ,i  never dreamed of telling anyone    
what ,i was really thinking about4      
,he broke off suddenly4 ,this is awful  
twaddle6 he said4 ,why should you  care 
to hear about all this8 ,i was thinking 
aloud4    ,do go on thinking aloud a    
little1 ,i said2 it is most interesting6
    ,ah1 he said1 with the flatterers   
were busy mockers6 ,you enjoy staring   
and looking upon me4    ,no1 no1 ,i     
said1 rather nettled4 ,father ,payne1   
don't you understand8 ,i  want to hear  

more about you4 ,i want to know how you 
came to be what you  are3 it interests  
me more than ,i can say4 ,you asked me  
about myself when ,i  came here1 and ,i 
told you4 ,why shouldn't ,i ask you1 for
 a change8    ,he smiled1 obviously     
pleased at this4 ,why1 then1 he said1   
,i'll go on4  ,i'm not above liking to  
tell my tale1 like the ,ancient         
,mariner4 ,you can  beat your breast    
when you are tired of it4 ,he was intent
 for a moment1 and  then went on4 ,well1
 ,i went up to ,oxford--to ,corpus4 ,a  
funny little place1  ,i now             
think--rather intellectual4 ,i could    
hardly believe my senses when ,i  found 
how different it was from school1 and   
how independent4 ,heavens1 how  happy ,i
 was6 ,i made some friends--,i found ,i 
could make friends after all--,i  could 
say what ,i liked1 ,i could argue1 ,i   
could even amuse them4 ,i really        
couldn't make you realise how ,i adored 
some of those men4 ,i used to go to     
sleep after a long evening of chatter1  

simply hating the darkness which        
separated me from life and company4     
,there were two in particular1 very     
ordinary young men1 ,i expect4 ,but they
 were fond of me1 and liked being  with 
me1 and ,i thought them the most        
wonderful and enchanting persons1 with  
a wide knowledge of the great mysterious
 world4 ,the world6 ,it wasn't1 ,i  saw1
 a nasty1 jostling place1 as ,i had     
thought at school1 but a great          
beautiful affair1 full of love and      
delight1 of interest and ideas4 ,i read1
  ,i talked1 ,i flew about--it was      
simply a new birth6 ,i felt like a      
prisoner  suddenly released4 ,of course1
 the mischief was that ,i neglected my  
work4  ,there wasn't time for that3 and 
,i fell in love1 too1 or thought ,i did1
 with  the sister of one of those       
friends1 with whom ,i went to stay4 ,i  
wonder if  anyone was ever in love like 
that6 ,i daresay it's common enough4    
,but ,i  won't go into that2 these      
raptures are for private consumption4 ,i

 was  roughly jerked up4 ,i took a bad  
degree4 ,my mother died--,i had very    
little  in common with her3 she was an  
invalid without any hold on life1 and ,i
 took  no trouble to be kind to her--,i 
was perfectly selfish and wilful4 ,then 
,i  had to earn my living4 ,i would have
 given anything to stay at ,oxford3 and 
you know1 even now1 when ,i think of    
,oxford1 a sort of electric shock goes  
through me1 ,i love it so much4 ,i      
daren't even set foot there1 ,i'm so    
afraid  of finding it altered4 ,but when
 ,i think of those dark courts and      
bowery  gardens1 and the men moving     
about1 and the fronts of blistered      
stone1 and  the little quaint streets1  
and the meadows and elms1 and the       
country all  about1 ,i have a physical  
yearning that is almost a pain--a sort  
of  home-sickness--    ,he broke off1   
and was silent for a moment1 and ,i saw 
that his eyes were  full of tears4      
,then it was ,london1 that accursed     
place6 ,i had a tiny income3 ,i got a   

job  at a coaching establishment1 ,i    
worked like the devil4 ,that was a cruel
  time4 ,i couldn't dream of            
marriage--that all vanished1 and she    
married  pretty soon1 ,i couldn't get a 
holiday--,i was too poor4 ,i tried      
writing1 but  ,i made a hash of that4 ,i
 simply went down into hell4 ,one of my 
great  friends died1 and the            
other--well1 it was awkward to meet1    
when ,i had had  to break it off with   
his sister4 ,i simply can't describe to 
you how utterly  horrible it all was4 ,i
 used to teach all the terms1 and in the
 vacations ,i  simply mooned about4 ,i  
hadn't a club1 and ,i used to read at   
the  ,museum--read just to keep my      
senses4 ,then1 ,i suppose ,i got used to
 it4 ,of  course1 if ,i had had any     
adventurousness in me1 ,i should have   
gone off and  become a day-labourer or  
anything--but ,i am not that sort of    
person4    ,that went on till ,i was    
about thirty-three--and then quite      
suddenly1 and  without any warning1 ,i  

had my experience4 ,i suppose that      
something was  going on inside me all   
the time1 something being burnt out of  
me in those  fires4 ,it was a mixture of
 selfishness and stupidity and          
perverseness that  was the matter with  
me4 ,i didn't see that ,i could do      
anything4 ,i was simply  furious with   
the world for being such a hole1 and    
with ,god for sticking me  in the middle
 of it4 ,the occasion of the change was 
simply too ridiculous4  ,it was nothing 
else but coming back to my rooms and    
finding a big bowl of  daffodils there4 
,they had been left1 my landlady told   
me1 by a young  gentleman4 ,it sounds   
foolish enough--but it suddenly occurred
 to me to  think that someone was       
interested in me1 pitied me1 cared for  
me4 ,a sort of  mist cleared away from  
my eyes1 and ,i saw in a flash1 what was
 the  mischief--that ,i had walled      
myself in by my misery and bad temper1  
and by  my expectation that something   
must be done for me4 ,the next day ,i   

had to  take a lot of pupils1 one after 
another1 for composition4 ,one of them  
had a  daffodil in his hand1 which he   
put down carelessly on the table4 ,i    
stared  at it and at him1 and he        
blushed4 ,he wasn't an interesting young
 man to  look at or to talk to--but it  
was just a bit of simple humanity4 ,it  
all  came out4 ,i had been good to      
him--,i looked as if ,i were having a   
bad time4  ,it was just a little human1 
signal1 and a beautiful one4 ,it was    
there1  then1 all the time1 ,i          
saw--human affection--if ,i cared to put
 out my hand  for it4 ,i can't describe 
to you how it all developed1 but my     
heart had  melted somehow--thawed like a
 lump of ice4 ,i saw that there was no  
specific  ill-will to me in the world4  
,i saw that everything was there1 if ,i 
only  chose to take it4 ,that was my    
second awakening--a glimmer of light    
through  a chink--and suddenly1 it was  
day6 ,i had been growling over bones and
 straw  in a filthy kennel1 and ,i was  

not really tied up at all4 ,life was    
running  past me1 a crystal river4 ,i   
was dying of thirst3 and all because it 
was not  given me in a clean glass on a 
silver tray1 ,i would not drink it--and 
,god  smiling at me all the time4       
,father ,payne walked on in silence4    
,the truth is1 my boy1 he said a minute 
later1 that ,i'm a converted man1  and  
it isn't everyone who can say that--nor 
do ,i wish everyone to be  converted1   
because it's a ghastly business         
preparing for the operation4 ,it  isn't 
everyone who needs it--only those       
self-willed1 devilish1 stand-off1  proud
 people1 who have to be braised in a    
mortar and pulverised to atoms4  ,then1 
when you are all to bits1 you can be    
built up4 ,do you remember that  stone  
we broke the other day8 ,well1 ,i was a 
melted blob of stone1 and then  ,i was  
crystallised--now ,i'm full of eyes     
within6 ,and the best of it is that     
they are little living eyes1 and not    
sparkling flints--they see1 they don't  

reflect6 ,at least ,i think so2 and ,i  
don't think trouble is brewing for me   
again--though that is always the danger6
    ,i was very deeply moved by this1   
and said something about being grateful4
    ,oh1 not that1 said ,father ,payne2 
you don't know what fun it has been to  
me to tell you4 ,that's the sort of     
thing that ,i want to get into one of my
  novels1 but ,i can't manage it4 ,but  
the moral is1 if ,i may say so3 ,be     
afraid  of self-pity and dignity and    
self-respect--don't be afraid of        
happiness and  simplicity and kindness4 
,give yourself away with both hands4    
,it's easy for  me to talk1 because ,i  
have been loaded with presents ever     
since3 the clouds  drop fatness--a rich 
but expressive image that6        ,,xxx 
,,of ,,bloodsuckers      ,i'm feeling   
low to-night1 said ,father ,payne in    
answer to a question about  his         
prolonged silence4 ,i'm not myself3     
virtue has gone out of me--,i'm in  the 
clutches of a bloodsucker4    ,old debts

 with compound interest8 said ,rose     
cheerfully4    ,yes1 said ,father ,payne
 with a frown2 old emotional            
,i4,o4,u4's4 ,i didn't  know what ,i was
 putting my name to4    ,a man or a     
woman8 said ,rose4    ,thank ,god1 it's 
a man6 said ,father ,payne4 ,female     
bloodsuckers are worse  still4 ,a man1  
at all events1 only wants the blood2 a  
woman wants the  pleasure of seeing you 
wince as well6    ,it sounds very       
tragic1 said ,kaye4    ,no1 it's not    
tragic1 said ,father ,payne2 there would
 be something  dignified about that6    
,it's only unutterably low and          
degrading4 ,come1 ,i'll  tell you about 
it4 ,it will do me good to get it off my
 chest4    ,it is one of my old pupils1 
,father ,payne went on4 ,he once got    
into  trouble about money1 and ,i paid  
his debts--he can't forgive me that6    
,does he want you to pay some more8 said
 ,rose4    ,yes1 he does1 said ,father  
,payne1 but he wants to be high-minded  
too4 ,he  wants me to press him to take 

the money1 to prevail upon him to accept
 it  as a favour4 ,he implies that if ,i
 hadn't begun by paying his debts       
originally1 he would not have ever      
acquired what he calls 'the unhappy     
habit of dependence4' ,of course he     
doesn't think that really3 he wants the 
money1 but he also wants to feel        
dignified4 ',if ,i thought it would make
 you  happier if ,i accepted it1' he    
says1 'of course ,i should view the     
matter  differently4 ,it would give me a
 reason for accepting what ,i must      
confess  would be a humiliation1' ,isn't
 that infernal8 ,then he says that ,i   
may  perhaps think that his troubles    
have coarsened him1 but that he         
unhappily  retains all his old          
sensitiveness4 ,then he goes on to say  
that it was ,i who  encouraged him to   
preserve a high standard of delicacy in 
these matters4    ,he must be a precious
 rascal1 said ,vincent4    ,no1 he      
isn't1 said ,father ,payne1 that's the  
worst of it--but he is a  frantic       

poseur4 ,he has got so used to talking  
and thinking about his  feelings1 that  
he doesn't know what he really does     
feel4 ,that's the part of  it which     
bothers me3 because if he was a mere    
hypocrite1 ,i would say so  plainly4    
,one must not be taken in by apparent   
hypocrisy4 ,it often  represents what a 
man did once really think1 but which has
 become a mere  memory4 ,one must not be
 hard on people's reminiscences4 ,don't 
you know how  the mildest people are    
often disposed to make out that they    
were reckless  and daring scapegraces at
 school8 ,that isn't a lie2 it is       
imagination  working on very slender    
materials4    ,we laughed at this1 and  
then ,barthrop said1 ,let me write to   
him1 ,father4 ,i  won't be offensive4   
,i know you wouldn't1 said ,father      
,payne2 but no one can help me4 ,it's   
not  my fault1 but my misfortune4 ,it   
all comes of acting for the best4 ,i    
ought  to have paid his debts1 and made 
myself thoroughly unpleasant about it4  

,what ,i did was to be indulgent and    
sympathetic4 ,it's all that accursed    
sentimentality that does it4 ,i have    
been trying to write a letter to him    
all the morning1 showing him up to      
himself without being brutal4 ,but he   
will only write back and say that ,i    
have made him miserable1 and that ,i    
have wholly misunderstood him3 and then 
,i shall explain and apologise2 and     
then he will take the money to show that
 he forgives me4 ,i see a horrible      
vista of correspondence ahead4 ,after   
four or five letters1 ,i shall not have 
the remotest idea what it is all about1 
and he will be full of reproaches4  ,he 
will say that it isn't the first time   
that he has found how the increase  of  
wealth makes people ungenerous4 ,oh1    
don't ,i know every step of the way6    
,he is going to have the money1 and he  
is going to put me in the wrong3 that   
is his plan1 and it is going to come    
off4 ,i shall be in the wrong3 ,i feel  
in the wrong already6    ,then in that  

case there is certainly no necessity for
 losing the money  too6 said ,rose4     
,it's all very well for you to talk in  
that impersonal way1 ,rose1 said        
,father ,payne4 ,of course ,i know very 
well that you would handle the          
situation kindly and decisively2 but you
 don't know what it is to suffer  from  
politeness like a disease4 ,i have done 
nothing wrong except that ,i  have been 
polite when ,i might have been dry4 ,i  
see right through the man1  but he is   
absolutely impervious2 and it is my     
accursed politeness that  makes it      
impossible for me to say bluntly what ,i
 know he will dislike and  what he      
genuinely will not understand4 ,i know  
what you are thinking1 every  one of    
you--that ,i say lots of things that you
 dislike--but then you  do understand6  
,i could no more tell this wretch the   
truth than ,i  could trample on a blind 
old man4    ,what will you really do8   
said ,barthrop4    ,i shall send him the
 money1 said ,father ,payne firmly1 and 

,i shall  compliment him on his         
delicacy2 and then1 thank ,god1 ,i shall
 forget1 until  it all begins again4 ,i 
am a wretched old opportunist1 of       
course2 a sort of  ,ally ,sloper--not   
fit company for strong and concise young
 men6        ,,xxxi    ,,of ,,instincts 
,i do not remember what led to this     
remark of ,father ,payne's3--,it's a    
painful fact1 from the ethical point of 
view1 that qualities are more  admired1 
and more beautiful indeed1 the more     
instinctive they are4 ,we don't  admire 
the faculty of taking pains very much4  
,the industrious boy at school  is      
rather disliked than otherwise1 while   
the brilliant boy who can construe  his 
lesson without learning it is envied4   
,take a virtue like courage3 the  love  
of danger1 the contempt of fear1 the    
power of dashing headlong into a  thing 
without calculating the consequences is 
the kind of courage we  admire4 ,the    
person who is timid and anxious1 and yet
 just manages  desperately to screw     

himself up to the sticking-point1 does  
not get nearly  as much credit as the   
bold devil-may-care person4 ,it is so   
with most  performances2 we admire ease 
and rapidity much more than perseverance
 and  tenacity1 what obviously costs    
little effort rather than what costs a  
great  deal4    ,we all rather tend to  
be bored by a display of regularity and 
discipline4  ,do you remember that      
letter of ,keats1 where he confesses his
 intense  irritation at the way in which
 his walking companion1 ,brown1 ,i      
think1  always in the evening got out   
his writing-materials in the same       
order--first the paper1 then the ink1   
then the pen4 ',i say to him1' says     
,keats1 'why not the pen sometimes      
first8' ,we don't like precision2 look  
at  the word ',methodist1' which        
originally was a nick-name for people of
  strictly disciplined life4 ,we like   
something a little more gay and         
inconsequent4    ,yet the power of      
forcing oneself by an act of will to do 

something  unpleasant is one of the     
finest qualities in the world4 ,there is
 a story of  a man who became a ,bishop4
 ,he was a delicate and sensitive       
fellow1 much  affected by a crowd1 and  
particularly by the sight of people     
passing in  front of him4 ,he began his 
work by holding an enormous             
confirmation1 and  five times in the    
course of it he actually had to retire  
to the vestry1  where he was physically 
sick4 ,that's a heroic performance2 but 
we admire  still more a bland and       
cheerful ,bishop who is not sick1 but   
enjoys a  ceremony4    ,surely that is  
all right1 ,father ,payne8 said         
,barthrop4 ,when we see a  performance1 
we are concerned with appreciating the  
merit of it4 ,a man with  a bad         
headache1 however gallant1 is not likely
 to talk as well as a man in  perfect   
health and high spirits2 but if we are  
not considering the  performance1 but   
the virtues of the performer1 we might  
admire the man who  pumped up talk when 

he was feeling wretched more than the   
man from whom it  flowed4    ,the       
judicious ,barthrop6 said ,father       
,payne4 ,yes1 you are right--but for    
all that we do not instinctively admire 
effort as much as we admire easy        
brilliance4 ,we are much more inclined  
to imitate the brilliant man than we    
are to imitate the man who has painfully
 developed an accomplishment4 ,the      
truth is1 we are all of us afraid of    
effort2 and instinct is generally so    
much more in the right than reason1 that
 ,i end by believing that it is  better 
to live freely in our good qualities1   
than painfully to conquer our  bad      
qualities2 not to take up work that we  
can't do from a sense of duty1  but to  
take up work that we can do from a sense
 of pleasure4 ,i believe in  finding our
 real life more than in sticking to one 
that is not real for the  sake of       
virtue4 ,trained inclination is the     
secret4 ,that is why ,i should  never   
make a soldier4 ,i love being in a      

rage--no one more--it has all the       
advantages and none of the disadvantages
 of getting drunk4 ,but ,i can't do  it 
on the word of command4    ,isn't that  
what is called hedonism8 said           
,lestrange4    ,you must not get in the 
way of calling names6 said ,father      
,payne2  hedonism is a word invented by 
,puritans to discourage the children of 
light4 ,it is not a question of doing   
what you like1 but of liking what you   
do4 ,of course everyone has got to      
choose--you can't gratify all your      
impulses1 because they thwart each      
other2 but if you freely gratify your   
finer impulses1 you will have much less 
temptation to indulge your baser        
inclinations4 ,it is more important to  
have the steam up and to use the  brake 
occasionally1 than never to have the    
steam up at all4        ,,xxxii    ,,of 
,,humility      ,we had been listening  
to a paper by ,kaye--a beautiful and    
fanciful piece of  work2 when he        
finished1 ,father ,payne said3 ,that's a

 charming thing1  ,kaye--a little sticky
 in places1 but still beautiful4        
,it's not so good as ,i had hoped1 said 
,kaye mildly4    ,oh1 don't be humble1  
said ,father ,payne2 that's the basest  
of the  virtues1 because it vanishes the
 moment you realise it6 ,make your bow  
like  a man4 ,it may not be as good as  
you hoped--nothing ever is--but surely  
it  is better than you expected8        
,kaye blushed1 and said1 ,well1 yes1 it 
is4    ,now let me say generally1 said  
,father ,payne1 that in art you ought   
never  to undervalue your own work4 ,you
 ought all to be able to recognise how  
far  you have done what you intended4   
,the big men1 like ,tennyson and        
,morris1  were always quite prepared to 
praise their own work4 ,they did it     
quite  modestly1 more as if some piece  
of good fortune had befallen them than  
as  if they deserved credit4 ,there's no
 such thing as taking credit to oneself 
in art4 ,what you try to do is always   
bound to be miles ahead of what you  can

 do--that is where the humility comes   
in4 ,but a man who can't admire his  own
 work on occasions1 can't admire        
anyone's work4 ,if you do a really good 
thing1 you ought to feel as if you had  
been digging for diamonds and had  found
 a big one4 ,hang it1 you intend to make
 a fine thing6 ,you are  not likely to  
be conceited about it1 because you can't
 make a beautiful  thing every day2 and 
the humiliation comes in when1 after    
turning out a  good thing1 you find     
yourself turning out a row of bad ones4 
,the only  artists who are conceited are
 those who can't distinguish between    
what is  good and what is inferior in   
their own work4 ,you must not expect    
much  praise1 and least of all from     
other artists1 because no artist is ever
 very  deeply interested in another     
artist's work1 except in the work of the
 two  or three who can do easily what he
 is trying to do4 ,but it is a deep     
pleasure1 which may be frankly enjoyed1 
to turn out a fine bit of work2  though 

you must not waste much time over       
enjoying it1 because you have got  to go
 on to the next4    ,i always think it  
must be very awful1 said ,vincent1 when 
it dawns upon a  man that his mind is   
getting stiff and his faculty uncertain1
 and that he  is not doing good work any
 more4 ,what ought people to do about   
stopping8    ,it's very hard to say1    
said ,father ,payne4 ,the happiest thing
 of all is1  ,i expect1 to die before   
that comes2 and the next best thing is  
to know when  to stop and to want to    
stop4 ,but many people get a habit of   
work1 and fall  into dreariness without 
it4    ,isn't it better to go on with   
the delusion that you are just as good  
as  ever--like ,wordsworth and          
,browning8 said ,rose4    ,no1 ,i don't 
think that is better1 said ,father      
,payne1 because it means a  sort of     
blindness4 ,it is very curious in the   
case of ,browning1 because he  learned  
exactly how to do things4 ,he had his   
method1 he fixed upon an  abnormal      

personality or a curious incident1 and  
he turned it inside out  with perfect   
fidelity4 ,but after a certain time in  
his life1 the thing  became suddenly    
heavy and uninteresting4 ,something     
evaporated--,i do not  know what6 ,the  
trick is done just as deftly1 but one is
 bored2 one simply  doesn't care to see 
the inside of a new person1 however well
 dissected4  ,there's no life1 no beauty
 about the later things4 ,wordsworth is 
somehow  different--he is always rather 
noble and prophetic4 ,the later poems   
are not  beautiful1 but they issue from 
a beautiful idea--a passion of some     
kind4  ,but the later ,browning poems   
are not passionate--they remind one of a
  surgeon tucking up his sleeves for a  
set of operations4 ,i expect that       
,browning was too humble2 he loved a    
gentlemanly convention1 and ,wordsworth 
certainly did not do that4 ,if you want 
to know how a poet should  live1 read   
,dorothy ,wordsworth's journals at      
,grasmere2 if you want to  know how he  

should feel1 read the letters of ,keats4
        ,,xxxiii    ,,of ,,meekness     
,i had been having some work looked over
 by ,father ,payne1 who had been        
somewhat trenchant4 ,you have been      
beating a broken drum1 you know1 he had 
said1 with a smile4    ,yes1 ,i said4   
,it's poor stuff1 ,i see4 ,but ,i didn't
 know it was so bad  when ,i wrote it2  
,i thought ,i was making the best of a  
poor subject rather  ingeniously4 ,i am 
afraid ,i am rather stupid4    ,if ,i   
thought you really felt like that1 said 
,father ,payne1 ,i should be  sorry for 
you4 ,but ,i expect it is only your idea
 of modesty8    ,no1 ,i said1 it isn't  
modesty--it's humility1 ,i think4    ,no
 one has any business to think himself  
humble1 said ,father ,payne4 ,the       
moment you do that1 you are conceited4  
,it's not a virtue to grovel4 ,a man    
ought to know exactly what he is worth4 
,you needn't be always saying what  you 
are1 worth1 of course4 ,it's modest to  
hold your tongue4 ,but humility  is1 or 

ought to be1 extinct as a virtue4 ,it   
belongs to the time when people  felt   
bound to deplore the corruption of their
 heart1 and to speak of  themselves as  
worms1 and to compare themselves        
despondently with ,god4 ,that  in itself
 is a piece of insolence2 and it isn't a
 wholesome frame of mind  to dwell on   
one's worthlessness1 and to speak of    
one's righteousness as  filthy rags4 ,it
 removes every stimulus to effort4 ,if  
you really feel like  that1 you had     
better take to your bed permanently--you
 will do less harm  there than          
pretending to do work in the value of   
which you don't believe4    ,but what is
 the word for the feeling which one has 
when one reads a really  splendid book1 
let us say1 or hears a perfect piece of 
music8 ,i said4    ,well1 it ought to be
 gratitude and admiration1 said ,father 
,payne4 ,why  mix yourself up with it at
 all8    ,because ,i can't help it1 ,i  
said2 ,i think of the way in which ,i   
muddle on  with my writing1 and ,i feel 

how hopeless ,i am4    ,that's all      
wrong1 my boy1 said ,father ,payne2 you 
ought to say to  yourself--',so that is 
his way of putting things and1 by ,jove1
 it's  superb4 ,now ,i've got to find my
 way of putting things6' ,you had better
 go  and work in the fields like an     
honest man1 if you don't feel you have  
got  anything to say worth saying4 ,you 
have your own point of view1 you know3  
try and get it down on paper4 ,it isn't 
exactly the same as1 let us say1        
,shakespeare's point of view3 but if you
 feel that he has seen everything  worth
 seeing1 and said everything worth      
saying1 then1 of course1 it is no  good 
going on4 ,but that is pure grovelling2 
no lively person ever does feel         
that--he says1 ',hang it1 he has left   
some things out6' ,after all1  everyone 
has a right to his point of view1 and if
 it can be expressed1 why1  it is worth 
expressing4 ,we want all the sidelights 
we can get4    ,that's one comfort6 ,i  
said4    ,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 but 

you know perfectly well that you knew it
  before ,i told you4 ,why be so        
undignified8 ,you need not want to      
astonish or  amuse the whole civilised  
world4 ,you probably won't do that2 but 
you can  fit a bit of the mosaic in1 if 
you have it in you4 ,now look you here6 
,i  know exactly what ,i am worth4 ,i   
can't write--though ,i think ,i can when
 ,i'm  at it--but ,i can perceive1 and  
see when a thing is amiss1 and lay my   
finger  on a fault2 ,i can be of some   
use to a fellow like yourself--and ,i   
can  manage an estate in my own way1 and
 ,i can keep my tenants' spirits up4 ,i 
have got a perfectly definite use in the
 world1 and ,i'm going to play my  part 
for all that ,i'm worth4 ,i'm not going 
to pretend that ,i am a worm or  an     
outcast--,i don't feel one2 and ,i am as
 sure as ,i can be of anything1  that   
,god does not wish me to feel one4 ,he  
needs me2 ,he can't get on without  me  
just here2 and when ,he can1 ,he will   
say the word4 ,i don't think ,i am of   

any far-reaching significance3 but      
neither am ,i going to say that ,i am   
nothing but vile earth and a miserable  
sinner4 ,i'm lazy1 ,i'm cross1 ,i'm     
unkind1 ,i'm greedy3 but ,i know when ,i
 am wasting time and temper1 and ,i     
don't do it all the time4 ,it's no use  
being abject4 ,the mistake is to go     
about comparing yourself with other     
people and weighing yourself against    
them4 ,the right thing to do is to be   
able to recognise generously and        
desirously when you see anyone doing    
something finely which you do badly1    
and to say1 ',come1 that's the right    
way6 ,i must do better4' ,but to be     
humble is to be grubby1 because it makes
 one proud1 in a nasty sort of way1  of 
doing things badly4 ',what a poor       
creature ,i am1' says the humble man1   
'and how nice to know that ,i am so poor
 a creature2 how noble and unworldly  ,i
 am4' ,the mistake is to want to do a   
thing better than ,smith or ,jones3 the 
right way is to want to do it better    

than yourself4    ,yes1 ,i said1 that's 
perfectly true1 ,father3 and ,i won't be
 such a fool  again4    ,you haven't    
been a fool1 so far as ,i am aware1 said
 ,father ,payne4 ,it is  only that you  
are just a thought too polite4 ,you     
mustn't be polite in mind1  you         
know--only in manners4 ,politeness only 
consists in not saying all you  think   
unless you are asked4 ,but humility     
consists in trying to believe that  you 
think less than you think4 ,it's like   
holding your nose1 and saying that  the 
bad smell has gone--it is playing tricks
 with your mind3 and if you get  into   
the way of doing that1 you will find    
that your mind has a nasty way of       
playing tricks upon you4 ,here6 hold on6
 ,i am rapidly becoming like  ,chadband6
 ,send me ,vincent1 will you--there's a 
good man8 ,he comes next4        ,,xxxiv
    ,,of ,,criticism      ,father ,payne
 had told me that my writing was        
becoming too juicy and too              
highly-scented4 ,you mustn't hide the   

underlying form1 he said2 have  plenty  
of plain spaces4 ,this sort of writing  
is only for readers who want  to be     
vaguely soothed and made to feel        
comfortable by a book--it's a           
stimulant1 it's not a food6    ,yes1 ,i 
said with a sigh1 ,i suppose you are    
right4    ,up to a certain point1 ,i am 
right1 he replied1 because you are in   
training at present--and people in      
training have to do abnormal things3 you
  can't live as if you were in training1
 of course2 but when you begin  to work 
on your own account1 you must find your 
own pace and your own  manner3 and even 
now you needn't agree with me unless you
 like4    ,i determined1 however1 that  
,i would give him something very        
different next  time4 ,he suggested that
 ,i should write an essay on a certain  
writer of  fiction4 ,i read the novels  
with great care1 and ,i then produced   
the driest  and most technical criticism
 ,i could4 ,i read it aloud to ,father  
,payne a  month later4 ,he heard it in  

silence1 stroking his beard with his    
left hand1  as his manner was4 ,when ,i 
had finished1 he said3 ,well1 you have  
taken my  advice with a vengeance2 and  
as an exercise--indeed1 as a            
tour-de-force--it is good4 ,i didn't    
think you had it in you to  produce such
 a bit of anatomy4 ,i think it's simply 
the most uninteresting  essay ,i ever   
heard in my life--chip1 chip1 chip1 the 
whole time4 ,it won't  do you any harm  
to have written it1 but1 of course1 it's
 a mere caricature4  ,no conceivable    
reason could be assigned for your       
writing it4 ,it's like the  burial of   
the dead--ashes to ashes1 dust to dust6 
,i admit1 ,i said1 that ,i did it on    
purpose1 to show you how judicious ,i   
could be4    ,oh yes1 he said1 ,i quite 
realise that--and that's why ,i admire  
it4 ,if  you had produced it as a real  
thing1 and not by way of reprisal1 ,i   
should  think very ill of your          
prospects4 ,it's like the work of an    
analytical  chemist--,i tell you what   

it's like1 it's like the diagnosis of   
the symptoms  of some sick person of    
rank in a doctor's case-book6 ,but1 of  
course1 you  know you mustn't write like
 that1 as well as ,i do4 ,there must be 
some  motive for writing1 some touch of 
admiration and sympathy1 something you  
can show to other people which might    
escape them1 and which is worth while   
for them to see4 ,in writing--at        
present1 at all events--one can't be so 
desperately scientific and technical as 
all that4 ,i suppose that some day1     
when we treat human thought and         
psychology scientifically1 we shall have
 to  dissect like that2 but even so1 it 
will be in the interests of science1 not
  in the interests of literature4 ,one  
must not confuse the two1 and no doubt1 
when we begin to analyse the development
 of human thought1 its heredity1  its   
genesis and growth1 we shall have a     
,shelley-culture in a test-tube1 and  we
 shall be able to isolate a             
,browning-germ3 but we haven't got there

 yet4    ,in that case1 ,i said1 ,i     
don't really see what was so wrong with 
my last  essay4    ,why1 it was a mere  
extemporisation1 said ,father ,payne2 a 
phrase  suggested a phrase1 a word      
evoked a lot of other words--there was  
no real  connection of thought4 ,it was 
pretty enough1 but you were not even    
roving  from one place to another1 you  
were just drifting with the stream4 ,now
 this  last essay is purely             
business-like4 ,you have analysed the   
points--but  there's no beauty or       
pleasure in it4 ,it is simply what an   
engineer might  say to an engineer about
 the building of a bridge4 ,mind1 ,i am 
not finding  fault with your essay4 ,you
 did what you set out to do1 and you    
have done it  well4 ,i only say there is
 not any conceivable reason why it      
should have  been written1 and there is 
every conceivable reason why it should  
not be  read4    ,it was just an        
attempt1 ,i said1 to see the points and 
to disentangle  them4    ,yes1 yes1 said

 ,father ,payne2 ,i see that1 and ,i    
give you full credit for  it4 ,but1     
after all1 you must look on writing as a
 species of human  communication4 ,the  
one reason for writing is that the      
writer sees something  which other      
people overlook1 perceives the beauty   
and interest of it1 gets  behind it1    
sees the quality of it1 and how it      
differs from other similar  things4 ,if 
the writer is worth anything1 his       
subject must be so interesting  or      
curious or beautiful to himself that he 
can't help setting it down4 ,the  motive
 of it all must be the fact that he is  
interested--not the hope of  interesting
 other people4 ,you must risk that1     
though the more you are  interested1 the
 better is your chance of interesting   
others4 ,then the next  point is that   
things mustn't be presented in a cold   
and abstract light--you  have done that 
here--it must be done as you see it1 not
 as a photographic  plate records it3   
and that is where the personality of the

 artist comes in1  and where writers are
 handicapped1 according as they have or 
have not a  personal charm4 ,that is the
 unsolved mystery of writing--the       
personal  charm3 apart from that there  
is little in it4 ,a man may see a thing 
with  hideous distinctness1 but he may  
not be able to invest it with charm3 and
  the danger of charm is that some      
people can invest very shallow1 muddled1
  and shabby thinking with a sort of    
charm4 ,it is like a cloak1 if ,i may   
say  so4 ,if ,i wear an old cloak1 it   
looks shabby and disgraceful1 as it is4 
,but  if ,i lend it to a shapely and    
well-made friend1 it gets a beauty from 
the  wearer4 ,there are men ,i know who 
can tell me a story as old as the hills1
  and yet make it fresh and attractive4 
,look at that delicious farrago of      
nonsense and absurdity1 ,ruskin's ,fors 
,clavigera4 ,he crammed in  anything    
that came into his head--his            
reminiscences1 scraps out of old  dreary
 books he had read1 paragraphs snipped  

out of the papers4 ,there's no  order1  
no sequence about it1 and yet it is     
irresistible4 ,but then ,ruskin  had the
 charm1 and managed to pour it into all 
that he wrote4 ,he is always  there1    
that whimsical1 generous1 perverse1     
affectionate1 afflicted1  pathetic      
creature1 even in the smallest scrap of 
a letter or the dreariest  old tag of   
quotation4 ,but you and ,i can't play   
tricks like that4 ,you are  sometimes   
there1 ,i confess1 in what you write1   
while ,i am never there in  anything    
that ,i write4 ,what ,i want to teach   
you to do is to be really  yourself in  
all that you write4    ,but isn't it apt
 to be very tiresome1 said ,i1 if the   
writer is always  obtruding himself8    
,yes1 if he obtrudes himself1 of course 
he is tiresome1 said ,father ,payne4    
,but look at ,ruskin again4 ,i imagine1 
from all that ,i read about him1 that   
if he was present at a gathering1 he was
 the one person whom everyone  wanted to
 hear4 ,if he was sulky or silent1 it   

was everyone's concern to  smoothe him  
down--if only he would talk4 ,what you  
must learn to do  is to give exactly as 
much of yourself as people want4 ,but it
 must be a  transfusion of yourself1 not
 a presentment1 ,i don't imagine that   
,ruskin  always talked about himself--he
 talked about what interested him1 and  
because he saw five times as much as    
anyone else saw in a picture1 and  about
 three times as much as was ever there1 
it was fascinating3 but the  primary    
charm was in ,ruskin himself4 ,don't you
 know the curious delight of  seeing a  
house once inhabited by anyone whom one 
has much admired and  loved8 ,however   
dull and commonplace it is1 you keep on 
saying to yourself1  ',that was what his
 eyes rested on1 those were the books he
 handled2 how  could he bear to have    
such curtains1 how could he endure that 
wallpaper8'  ,the most hideous things   
become interesting1 because he tolerated
 them4 ,in  writing1 all depends upon   
how much of what is interesting1        

original1  emphatic1 charming in        
yourself you can communicate to what you
 are writing4  ,it has got to live2 that
 is the secret of the commonplace and   
even  absurd books which reviewers treat
 with contempt1 and readers buy in      
thousands4 ,they have life6    ,but that
 is very far from being art1 isn't it8  
,i said4    ,of course6 said ,father    
,payne1 but the use of art1 as ,i       
understand it1 is  just that--that all  
you present shall have life1 and that   
you should learn  not to present what   
has not got life4 ,why ,i objected to   
your last essay was  because you were   
not alive in it3 you were just echoing  
and repeating  things3 you seemed to me 
to be talking in your sleep4 ,why ,i    
object to this  essay is that you are   
too wide awake--you are just talking    
shop4    ,i confess ,i rather despair1  
,i said4    ,what rubbish6 said ,father 
,payne2 all ,i want you to do is to live
  in your ideas--make them your own1    
don't just slop them down without having

  understood or felt them4 ,i'll tell   
you what you shall do next4 ,you shall  
just put aside all this dreary          
collection of formulae and scalpel-work1
 and  you shall write me an essay on the
 whole subject1 saying the best that you
  feel about it all1 not the worst that 
a stiff intelligence can extract from   
it4 ,don't be pettish about it6 ,i      
assure you ,i respect your talent very  
much4 ,i didn't think it was in you to  
produce anything so loathsomely         
judicious4        ,,xxxv    ,,of ,,the  
,,sense ,,of ,,beauty      ,there had   
been some vague ethical discussion      
during dinner in which ,father  ,payne  
had not intervened2 but he suddenly     
joined in briskly1 though ,i don't      
remember who or what struck the spark   
out4 ,you are running logic too  hard1  
he said2 the difficulty with all        
morality is not to know where it  is to 
begin1 but where it is to stop4    ,i   
didn't know it had to stop1 said        
,vincent2 ,i thought it had to go on4   

,yes1 but not as morality1 said ,father 
,payne2 as instinct and  feeling--only  
very elementary people indeed obey      
rules1 because they  are rules4 ,the    
righteous man obeys them because on the 
whole he agrees with  them4    ,but in  
one sense it isn't possible to be too   
good8 said ,vincent4    ,no1 said       
,father ,payne1 not if you are sure what
 good is--but it is quite  easy to be   
too righteous1 to have too many rules   
and scruples--not to live  your own life
 at all1 but an anxious1 timid1         
broken-winged sort of life1  like some  
of the fearful saints in the ,pilgrim's 
,progress1 who got  no fun out of the   
business at all4 ,don't you remember    
what ,mr4 ,feeblemind  says8 ,i can't   
quote--it's a glorious passage4         
,barthrop slipped out and fetched a     
,pilgrim's ,progress1 which he put  over
 ,father ,payne's shoulder4 ,thank you1 
old man1 said ,father ,payne1  that's   
very kind of you--that is morality      
translated into feeling6    ,he turned  

over the pages1 and read the bit in his 
resonant voice3    ',i am1 as ,i said1 a
 man of a weak and feeble mind1 and     
shall be offended  and made weak at that
 which others can bear4 ,i shall like no
 ,laughing3 ,i  shall like no gay       
,attire3 ,i shall like no unprofitable  
,questions4 ,nay1 ,i am  so weak a man1 
as to be offended with that which others
 have a liberty to  do4 ,i do not know  
all the truth3 ,i am a very ignorant    
,christian man2  sometimes1 if ,i hear  
some rejoice in the ,lord1 it troubles  
me1 because ,i  cannot do so too4'      
,there1 he said1 that's very good       
writing1 you know--full of              
freshness--but you are not meant to     
admire the poor soul3 that's not  the   
way to go on pilgrimage6 ,there is      
something wrong with a man's  religion1 
if it leaves him in that state4 ,i don't
 mean that to be happy is  always a sign
 of grace--it often is simply a lack of 
sympathy and  imagination2 but to be as 
good as ,mr4 ,feeblemind1 and at the    

same time as  unhappy1 is a clear sign  
that something is wrong4 ,he is like a  
dog that  will try to get through a     
narrow gap with a stick in his mouth--he
  can't make out why he can't do his    
duty and bring the stick--it catches on 
both sides1 and won't let him through4  
,he knows it is his business to bring   
the thing back at once1 but he is       
prevented in some mysterious way4 ,it   
doesn't occur to him to put the stick   
down1 get through himself1 and then     
pull it through by the end4 ,that is why
 our duty is often so hard1 because  we 
think we ought to do it simply and      
directly1 when it really wants a  little
 adjusting--we regard the momentary     
precept1 not the ultimate  principle4   
,but what is to tell us where to draw   
the line1 said ,vincent1 and when to    
disregard the precept8    ,ah1 said     
,father ,payne1 that's my great         
discovery1 which no one else will  ever 
recognise--that is where the sense of   
beauty comes in6    ,i don't see that   

the sense of beauty has anything to do  
with morality1  said ,vincent4    ,ah1  
but that is because you are at heart a  
,puritan1 said ,father ,payne2  and the 
mistake of all ,puritans is to disregard
 the sense of beauty--all  the really   
great saints have felt about morality as
 an artist feels about  beauty4 ,they   
don't do good things because they are   
told to do them1 but  because they feel 
them to be beautiful1 splendid1         
attractive2 and they  avoid having      
anything to do with evil things1 because
 such things are ugly  and repellent4   
,but when you have to do a thoroughly   
disagreeable thing1 said ,vincent1      
there often isn't anything beautiful    
about it either way4 ,i'll give you a   
small instance4 ,some months ago ,i had 
been engaged for a fortnight to go to  a
 thoroughly dull dinner-party with some 
dreary relations of mine1 and a  man    
asked me to come and dine at his club   
and meet ,george ,meredith1 whom ,i     
would have given simply anything to     

meet4 ,of course ,i couldn't do it--,i  
had  to go on with the other thing4 ,i  
had to do what ,i hated1 without the    
smallest hope of being anything but     
fearfully bored3 and ,i had to give up  
doing what would have interested me more
 than anything in the world4 ,of        
course1 that is only a small instance1  
but it will suffice4    ,it all depends 
on how you behaved at your dinner-party 
when you got  there1 said ,father       
,payne1 smiling2 were you sulky and     
cross1 or were you  civil and decent8   
,i don't know1 said ,vincent2 ,i expect 
,i was pretty much as usual4 ,after     
all1 it wasn't their fault6    ,you are 
all right1 my boy1 said ,father ,payne2 
you have got the sense of  beauty right 
enough1 though you probably call it by  
some uncomfortable  name4 ,i won't make 
you blush by praising you1 but ,i give  
you a good mark  for the whole affair4  
,if you had excused yourself1 or asked  
to be let off1  or told a lie1 it would 
have been ugly4 ,what you did was in the

 best taste3  and that is what ,i mean4 
,the ugly thing is to clutch and hold   
on4 ,you did  more for yourself by being
 polite and honest than even ,george    
,meredith  could have done for you4     
,what ,i mean by the sense of beauty1 as
 applied to  morality1 is that a man    
must be a gentleman first1 and a        
moralist  afterwards1 if he can4 ,it is 
grabbing at your own sense of           
righteousness1  if you use it to hurt   
other people4 ,your own complacency of  
conscience is  not as important as the  
duty of not making other people         
uncomfortable4 ,of  course there are    
occasions when it is right to stand up  
to a moral bully1  and then you may go  
for him for all you are worth3 but these
 cases are  rare2 and what you must not 
do is to get into the way of a sort of  
moral  skirmishing4 ,in ordinary life1  
people draw their lines in slightly     
different places according to           
preference3 you must allow for          
temperament4  ,you mustn't interfere    

with other people's codes1 unless you   
are prepared to  be interfered with4 ,it
 is impossible to be severely logical4  
,take a thing  like the use of money3 it
 is good to be generous1 but you mustn't
 give away  what you can't afford1      
because then your friends have to pay   
your bills4  ,what everyone needs is    
something to tell him when he must begin
 practising  a virtue1 and when to stop 
practising it4 ,you may say that common 
sense  does that4 ,well1 ,i don't think 
it does6 ,i know sensible people who do 
very  brutal things3 there must be      
something finer than common sense3 it   
must be  a mixture of sense and sympathy
 and imagination1 and delicacy and      
humour  and tact--and ,i can't find a   
better way of expressing it than to call
 it a  sense of beauty1 a faculty of    
judging1 in a fine1 sweet-tempered1     
gentle1  quiet way1 with a sort of      
instinctive prescience as to where the  
ripples of  what you do and say will    
spread to1 and what sort of effect they 

will  produce4 ,that's the right sort of
 virtue--attractive virtue--which makes 
other people wish to behave likewise4 ,i
 don't say that a man who lives like    
that can avoid suffering3 he suffers a  
good deal1 because he sees ugly  things 
going on all about him2 but he doesn't  
cause suffering--unless he  intends     
to--and even so he doesn't like doing   
it4 ,he is never spiteful or  jealous4  
,he often makes mistakes1 but he        
recognises them4 ,he doesn't erect      
barriers between himself and other      
people4 ,he isn't always exactly        
popular1  because many people hate      
superiority whenever they see it3 but he
 is  trusted and loved and even taken   
advantage of1 because he doesn't go in  
for  reprisals4    ,but if you haven't  
got this sense of beauty1 said ,vincent1
 how are you  to get it8    ,by admiring
 it1 said ,father ,payne4 ,i don't say  
that the people who have  got it are    
conscious of it--in fact they are       
generally quite unconscious of  it4 ,do 

you remember what ,shelley--who was1 ,i 
think1 one of the people who  had the   
sense of beauty as strongly as anyone   
who ever lived--what he said  to ,hogg1 
when ,hogg told him how he had shut up  
an impertinent young  ruffian8 ',i wish 
,i could be as exclusive as you are1'   
said ,shelley with a  sigh1 feeling1 no 
doubt1 a sense of real failure--'but ,i 
cannot6' ,shelley's  weakness was a much
 finer thing than ,hogg's strength4 ,i  
don't say that  ,shelley was perfect3   
his imagination ran away with him to an 
extent that  may be called untruthful2  
he idealised people1 and then threw them
 over  when he discovered them to be    
futile2 but that is the right kind of   
mistake  to make3 the wrong kind of     
mistake is to see people too clearly1   
and to  take for granted that they are  
not as delightful as they seem4    ,you 
mean that if one must choose1 said      
,vincent1 it is better to be a  fool    
than a knave4    ,why1 of course1 said  
,father ,payne2 but don't call it 'a    

fool'--call it  'a child'3 that's the   
kind of beauty ,i mean1 the             
unsuspicious1 guileless1  trustful1     
affectionate temper--that to begin with3
 and you must learn1 as  you go on1 a   
quality which the child has not always  
got--a sense of humour4  ,that is what  
experience ought to give you--a power1  
that is1 of seeing what  is really      
there1 and of being more amused than    
shocked by it4 ,that helps  you to      
distinguish real knavishness from       
childish faults4 ,a great many of  the  
absurd1 perverse1 unkind1 unpleasant    
things which people do are not  knavish 
at all--they are silly1 selfish little  
diplomacies1 guileless  obedience to    
conventions1 unreasonable deference to  
imaginary authority4  ,people don't mean
 any harm by such tricks--they are the  
subterfuges of  weakness3 but when you  
come upon real cynical deliberate       
knavishness--that  is different4        
,there's nothing amusing about that4    
,but you must be indulgent  to weakness1

 and only severe with strength4    ,i'm 
getting a little confused1 said         
,vincent4    ,not as much as ,i am1 said
 ,father ,payne2 ,i don't know where ,i 
have got  to1 ,i am sure4 ,i seem to    
have changed hares6 ,but one thing does 
emerge1 and  that is1 that a sort of    
inspired good taste is the only thing   
which can  regulate morals4 ,the root of
 all morals is ultimately beauty4 ,why  
are we  not all as greedy and dirty as  
the old cave-men8 ,for the simple reason
 that  something1 for which he was not  
responsible1 began to work in the       
caveman's  mind4 ,he said to himself1   
',this is not the way to behave3 it     
would be nicer  not to have killed ,mary
 when ,i was angry4' ,and then1 when    
that impulse is  once started1 human    
beings go too fast1 and want to carry   
out their new  discoveries of rules and 
principles too far3 and you must have a 
regulating  force3 and if you can find a
 better force than the instinct for what
 is  beautiful1 tell me1 and ,i'll      

undertake to talk for at least as long  
about  it4 ,i must stop6 ,my sense of   
beauty warns me that ,i am becoming a   
bore4        ,,xxxvi    ,,of ,,biography
      ,father ,payne broke out suddenly 
after dinner to two or three of us about
 a  book he had been reading4    ,it's  
called a ,life1 he said1 at the top of  
every page almost4 ,i  don't wonder the 
author felt it necessary to remind      
you--or perhaps he was  reminding       
himself8 ,i can see him1 said ,father   
,payne1 saying to himself  with a rueful
 expression1 ',this is a ,life1         
undoubtedly6' ,why1 the waxworks  of    
,madame ,tussaud are models of vivacity 
and agility compared to it4 ,i  never   
set eyes on such a book6    ,why on     
earth did you go on reading it8 said ,i4
    ,well may you ask6 said ,father     
,payne4 ,it's one of my weaknesses2 if  
,i  begin a book1 ,i can put it down if 
it is moderately good2 but if it is     
either very good or very bad1 ,i can't  
get out of it--,i feel like a wasp in  a

 honey-pot4 ,i make faint sticky motions
 of flight--but on ,i go4    ,whose life
 was it8 ,i said1 laughing4    ,i hardly
 know1 said ,father ,payne4 ,it leaves  
on my mind the impression of  his having
 been a decent old party enough4 ,i     
think he must have been a  general      
merchant--he seems to have had pretty   
nearly everything on hand4 ,he  wrote   
books1 ,i gather2 and ,father ,payne    
groaned4    ,what were they about8 ,i   
said4    ,i don't know1 ,i'm sure1 said 
,father ,payne4 ,history and            
stuff--literary  essays1 and people's   
influence1 perhaps4 ,he went in for     
accounting for  things1 ,i fancy1 and   
explaining things away4 ,there were     
extracts which  alienated my attention  
faster than any extracts ,i ever read4  
,i could not  keep my mind on them4 ,god
 preserve me from ever falling in with  
any of his  books2 ,i should spend days 
in reading them6 ,he travelled too--he  
was always  travelling4 ,why couldn't he
 leave ,europe alone8 ,he has left his  

trail all  over ,europe1 like a snail4  
,he has defiled all the finest scenery  
on the  ,continent4 ,but1 by ,jove1 he  
met his match in his biographer2 he has 
been  accounted for all right4 ,and yet 
,i feel that it was rather hard on him4 
,if  he could have held his tongue about
 things in general1 and if his          
biographer could have held his tongue   
about him1 it would have been  all      
right4 ,he did no harm1 so far as ,i can
 make out--he was honest and  upright2  
he would have done very well as a       
trustee4    ,father ,payne stopped1 and 
looked round with a melancholy air4 ,i  
have  gathered1 he said1 after several  
hours' reading1 three interesting facts 
about him4 ,the first is that he wore   
rather loud checks--,i liked that--,i   
detected a touch of vanity in that4 ,the
 second is that he was fond of  quoting 
poetry1 and the moment he did so1 his   
voice became wholly inaudible  from     
emotion--that's a good touch4 ,and the  
third is that1 if he had a guest        

staying with him1 he used to talk       
continuously in the smoking-room1 light 
his candle1 go on talking1 walk away    
talking--by ,jove1 ,i can hear him doing
  it--all up the stairs1 along the      
passage to his bedroom--talk1 talk1     
talk--in they went--then he used to     
begin to undress--no escape--,i can hear
  his voice muffled as he pulled off his
 shirt--off went his socks--talking     
still--then he would actually get into  
bed--more explanations1 more            
quotations1 ,i wonder how the guest got 
away2 that isn't related--in the        
intervals of an inaudible quotation1    
perhaps8 ,what do you think8    ,we     
exploded in laughter1 in which ,father  
,payne joined4 ,then he said3 ,but  look
 here1 you know1 it's not really a      
joke--it's horribly serious6 ,a man     
ought really to be prosecuted for       
writing such a book4 ,that is the worst 
of  ,english people1 that they have no  
idea who deserves a biography and who   
does not4 ,it isn't enough to be a rich 

man1 or a public man1 or a man of       
virtue4 ,no one ought to be written     
about1 simply because he has done       
things4 ,he must be content with that4  
,no one should have a biography unless  
he was either beautiful or picturesque  
or absurd1 just as no one should  have a
 portrait painted unless he is one of   
the three4 ,now this poor  fellow--,i   
daresay there were people who loved     
him--think what their  feelings must be 
at seeing him stuffed and set up like   
this6 ,a biography  must be a work of   
art--it ought not to be a post-dated    
testimonial6 ,most of  us are only fit1 
when we have finished our work1 to go   
straight into the  waste-paper basket4  
,the people who deserve biographies are 
the vivid1 rich1  animated natures who  
lived life with zest and interest4      
,there are a good  many such men1 who   
can say vigorous1 shrewd1 lively1 fresh 
things in talk1  but who cannot express 
themselves in writing4 ,the curse of    
most biographies  is the letters2 not   

many people can write good letters1 and 
yet it becomes  a sacred duty to pad a  
,life out with dull and stodgy          
documents2 it is all  so utterly        
inartistic and decorous and stupid4 ,a  
biography ought to be well  seasoned    
with faults and foibles4 ,that is the   
one encouraging thing about  life1 that 
a man can have plenty of failings and   
still make a fine business  out of it   
all4 ,yet it is regarded as almost      
treacherous to hint at  imperfections4  
,now if ,i had had our friend the       
general merchant to  biographise1 ,i    
would have taken careful notes of his   
talk while  undressing--there's         
something picturesque about that6 ,i    
would have told how  he spent his day1  
how he looked and moved1 ate and drank4 
,a real portrait  of an uninteresting   
man might be quite a treasure4    ,yes1 
but you know it wouldn't do1 said       
,barthrop2 his friends would be  out at 
you like a swarm of wasps4    ,oh1 ,i   
know that1 said ,father ,payne4 ,it is  

all this infernal  sentimentality which 
spoils everything2 as long as we think  
of the dead as  elderly angels hovering 
over us while we pray1 there is nothing 
to be done4  ,if we really believe that 
we migrate out of life into an          
atmosphere of mild  piety1 and lose all 
our individuality at once1 then1 of     
course1 the less  said the better4 ,as  
long as we hold that1 then death must   
remain as the  worst of catastrophes for
 everyone concerned4 ,the result of it  
all is that  a bad biography is the     
worst of books1 because it quenches our 
interest in  life1 and makes life       
insupportably dull4 ,the first point is 
that the  biographer is infinitely more 
important than his subject4 ,look what  
an  enchanting book ,carlyle made out of
 the ,life of ,sterling4 ,sterling was a
  man of real charm who could only talk4
 ,he couldn't write a line4 ,his        
writings are pitiful4 ,carlyle put them 
all aside with a delicious irony2  and  
yet he managed to depict a swift1       

restless1 delicate1 radiant creature1   
whom one loves and admires4 ,it is one  
of the loveliest books ever written4    
,but1 on the other hand1 there are      
hundreds of fine creatures who have been
  hopelessly buried for ever and ever   
under their biographies--the sepulchre  
made sure1 the stone sealed1 and the    
watch set4    ,but there are some good  
biographies8 said ,barthrop4    ,about a
 dozen1 said ,father ,payne4 ,i won't   
give a list of them1 or ,i  should      
become like our friend the merchant4 ,i 
feel it coming on1 by ,jove--,i  feel   
like accounting for things and talking  
you all up to my bedroom4    ,but what  
can be done about it all8 ,i said4      
,nothing whatever1 my boy1 said ,father 
,payne2 as long as people are not       
really interested in life1 but in money 
and committees1 there is nothing to  be 
done4 ,and as long as they hold things  
sacred1 which means a strong  dislike of
 the plain truth1 it's hopeless4 ,if a  
man is prepared to write a  really      

veracious biography1 he must also be    
prepared to fly for his life  and to    
change his name4 ,public opinion is for 
sentiment and against truth2  and you   
must change public opinion4 ,but1 oh    
dear me1 when ,i think of the           
fascination of real personality1 and the
 waste of good material1 and the        
careful way in which the pious          
biographer strains out all the meat and 
leaves nothing but a thin and watery    
decoction1 ,i could weep over the       
futility of mankind4 ,the dread of being
 interesting or natural1 the  adoration 
of pomposity and full dress1 the        
sickening love of romance1 the  hatred  
of reality--oh1 it's a deplorable world6
        ,,xxxvii    ,,of ,,possessions  
,i wonder1 said ,father ,payne one day  
at dinner1 whether any nation's         
proverbs are such a disgrace to them as 
our national proverbs are to us4  ,ours 
are horribly ,anglo-,saxon and          
characteristic4 ,they seem to me to have
  been all invented by a shrewd1        

selfish1 complacent1 suspicious old     
farmer1  in a very small way of         
business1 determined that he will not be
  over-reached1 and equally determined1 
too1 that he will take full advantage   
of the weakness of others4 ',charity    
begins at home1' ',possession is nine   
points of the law1' ',don't count your  
chickens before they are hatched1'      
',when poverty comes in at the door1    
love flies out of the window4' ,they are
  all equally disgraceful4 ,they deride 
all emotion1 they despise imagination1  
they are unutterably low and hard1 and  
what is called sensible2 they are       
frankly unchristian as well as          
ungentlemanly4 ,no wonder we are called 
a  nation of shopkeepers4    ,but aren't
 we a great deal better than our        
proverbs8 said ,barthrop3 do  they      
really express anything more than a     
contempt for weakness and  sentiment8   
,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 but ,i don't 
like them any better for that4 ,why     
should we be ashamed of all our better  

feelings8 ,i admit that we have a  sense
 of justice2 but that only means that we
 care for material possessions  so much 
that we are afraid not to admit that    
others have the right to do  the same4  
,the real obstacle to socialism in      
,england is the sense of  sanctity about
 a man's savings4 ,the moment that a man
 has saved a few  pounds1 he agrees to  
any legislation that allows him to hold 
on to them4    ,but aren't we1 behind   
all that1 said ,barthrop1 an intensely  
sentimental  nation8    ,yes1 said      
,father ,payne1 but that's a fault      
really--we don't believe in  real       
justice1 only in picturesque justice4   
,we are hopeless individualists4  ,we   
melt into tears over a child that is    
lost1 or a dog that howls2 and we  let  
all sorts of evil systems and           
arrangements grow and flourish4 ,we     
can't  think algebraically1 only        
arithmetically4 ,we can be kind to a    
single case  of hardship2 we can't take 
in a widespread system of oppression4   

,we are  improving somewhat2 but it is  
always the particular case that affects 
us1  and not the general principle4     
,but to go back to our sense of         
possession1 ,i said1 is that really much
  more than a matter of climate8 ,does  
it mean more than this1 that we1 in a   
temperate climate inclining to cold1    
need more elaborate houses and more     
heat-producing food than nations who    
live in warmer climates8 ,are not the   
nations who live in warmer climates less
 attached to material things simply     
because they are less important8        
,there is something in that1 no doubt1  
said ,father ,payne4 ,of course1  where 
nature is more hostile to life1 men will
 have to work longer hours to  support  
life than where 'the spicy breezes blow 
soft o'er ,ceylon's isle4'  ,but it     
isn't that of which ,i complain--it is  
the awful sense of  respectability      
attaching to possessions1 the hideous   
way in which we fill  our houses with   
things which we do not want or use1 just

 because they are a  symbol of          
respectability4 ,we like hoarding1 and  
we like luxuries1 not  because we enjoy 
them1 but because we like other people  
to know that we can  pay for them4 ,i do
 not imagine that there is any nation in
 the world whose  hospitality differs so
 much from the mode in which people     
actually live as  ours does4 ,in a      
sensible society1 if we wanted to see   
our friends1 we  should ask them to     
bring their cold mutton round1 and have 
a picnic4 ,what  we do actually do is to
 have a meal which we can't afford1 and 
which our  guests know is not in the    
least like our ordinary meals2 and then 
we expect  to be asked back to a        
similarly ostentatious banquet4    ,but 
isn't there something1 said ,barthrop1  
in ,dr4 ,johnson's dictum1 that  a meal 
was good enough to eat1 but not good    
enough to ask a man to8 ,isn't  it a    
good impulse to put your best before a  
guest8    ,oh1 no doubt1 said ,father   
,payne1 but there's a want of simplicity

 about  it if you only want to entertain
 people in order that they may see you  
do  it1 and not because you want to see 
them4 ,it's vulgar1 somehow--that's what
  ,i suspect our nation of being4 ,our  
inability to speak frankly of money is  
another sign4 ,we do money too much     
honour by being so reticent about it4   
,the fact is that it is the one sacred  
subject among us4 ,people are reticent  
about religion and books and art1       
because they are not sure that other    
people are interested in them4 ,but they
 are reticent about money as a  matter  
of duty1 because they are sure that     
everyone is deeply interested4  ,people 
talk about money with nods and winks and
 hints--those are all the  signs of a   
sacred mystery6    ,well1 ,i wonder1    
said ,barthrop1 whether we are as base  
as you seem to  think6    ,i will tell  
you when ,i will change my mind1 said   
,father ,payne2 all the  talk of noble  
aims and strong purposes will not       
deceive me4 ,what would  convert me     

would be if ,i saw generous giving a    
custom so common that it  hardly excited
 remark4 ,you see a few generous        
wills--but even then a  will which      
leaves money to public purposes is      
generally commented upon2 and  it almost
 always means1 too1 if you look into it1
 that a man has had no  near relations1 
and that he has stuck to his money and  
the power it gives  him during his life4
 ,if ,i could see a few cases of men    
impoverishing  themselves and their     
families in their lifetime for public   
objects2 if ,i  saw evidence of men who 
have heaped up wealth content to let    
their children  start again in the race1
 and determined to support the ,state   
rather than  the family2 if ,i could    
hear of a rich man's children beseeching
 their  father to endow the ,state      
rather than themselves1 and being ready 
to work  for a livelihood rather than to
 receive an inherited fortune2 if ,i    
could  hear of a few rich men living    
simply and handing out their money for  

general purposes1--then ,i would        
believe6 ,but none of these things is   
anything but a rare exception2 a man who
 gives away his fortune1 as ,ruskin     
did1 in great handfuls1 is generally    
thought to be slightly crazy2 and1      
speaking frankly1 the worth of a man    
seems to depend not upon what he has    
given to the world1 but upon what he has
 gained from the world4 ,you may say  it
 is a rough test2--so it is6 ,but when  
we begin to feel that a man is  foolish 
in hoarding and wise in lavishing1      
instead of being foolish in  lavishing  
and wise in hoarding1 then1 and not till
 then1 shall ,i believe  that we are a  
truly great nation4 ,at present the man 
whom we honour most is  the man who has 
been generous to public necessities1 and
 has yet retained a  large fortune for  
himself4 ,that is the combination which 
we are not ashamed  to admire4          
,,xxxviii    ,,of ,,loneliness      ,we 
were walking together1 ,father ,payne   
and ,i4 ,it was in the early summer--a  

still1 hot day4 ,the place1 as ,i       
remember it1 was very beautiful4 ,we    
crossed  the stream by a little         
foot-bridge1 and took a bypath across   
the meadows2  up the slope you came to a
 beautiful bit of old forest country1   
the trees  of all ages1 some of them    
very ancient2 there were open glades    
running into  the heart of the woodland1
 with thorn thickets and stretches of   
bracken4  ,hidden away in the depth of  
the woods1 and approached only by green 
rides1  were the ruins of what must have
 been a big old ,jacobean mansion2 but  
nothing remained of it except some      
grassy terraces1 a bit of a fine faade  
of stone with empty windows1 half-hidden
 in ivy1 and some tall stone            
chimney-stacks4 ,the forest lay silent  
and still2 and1 along one of the        
branching rides1 you could discern far  
away a glimpse of blue hills4 ,the      
scene was so entirely beautiful that we 
had gradually ceased to talk1 and  had  
given ourselves up to the sweet and     

quiet influence of the place4    ,we    
stood for awhile upon one of the        
terraces1 looking at the old house1 and 
,father ,payne said1 ,i'm not sure that 
,i approve of the taste for ruins2      
there is something to be said for a     
deserted castle1 because it is a        
reminder that we do not need to         
safeguard ourselves so much against each
  others' ill-will2 but a roofless      
church or a crumbling house--there's    
something sad about them4 ,it seems to  
me a little like leaving a man  unburied
 in order that we may come and          
sentimentalise over his bones4 ,it      
means1 this house1 the decay of an old  
centre of life--there's nothing evil  or
 cruel about it1 as there is about a    
castle2 and ,i am not sure that it      
ought not to be either repaired or      
removed--      ',and doorways where a   
bridegroom trode    ,stand open to the  
peering air4'    ,i don't know1 ,i said2
 ,i'm sure that this is somehow         
beautiful4 ,can't one  feel that nature 

is half-tender1 half-indifferent to our 
broken designs8    ,perhaps1 said       
,father ,payne1 but ,i don't like being 
reminded of death and  waste--,i don't  
want to think that they can end by being
 charming--the  vanity of human wishes  
is more sad than picturesque4 ,i think  
,dr4 ,johnson  was right when he said1  
',after all1 it is a sad thing that a   
man should lie  down and die4'    ,a    
little while afterwards he said1 ,how   
strange it is that the loneliness  of   
this place should be so delightful6 ,i  
like my fellow-beings on the  whole--,i 
don't want to avoid them or to abolish  
them--but yet it is one of  the greatest
 luxuries in the world to find a place  
where one is pretty sure  of not meeting
 one of them4    ,yes1 ,i said1 it is   
very odd6 ,i have been feeling to-day   
that ,i should  like time to stand still
 this summer afternoon1 and to spend    
whole days in  rambling about here4 ,i  
won't say1 ,i said with a smile1 that ,i
 should  prefer to be quite alone2 but  

,i shouldn't mind even that in a place  
like  this4 ,i never feel like that in a
 big town--there is always a sense of   
hostile currents there4 ,to be alone in 
a town is always rather melancholy2  but
 here it is just the reverse4           
,indeed1 yes1 said ,father ,payne1 and  
it is one of the great mysteries of  all
 to me what we really want with company4
 ,it does not actually take away  from  
us our sense of loneliness at all4 ,you 
can't look into my mind1 nor  can ,i    
look into yours2 whatever we do or say  
to break down the veil between  us1 we  
can't do it4 ,and ,i have often been    
happier when alone than ,i have  ever   
been in any company4    ,isn't it a     
sense of security8 ,i said2 ,i suppose  
that it is an instinct  derived from old
 savage days which makes us dread other 
human beings4 ,the  further back you go1
 the more hatred and mistrust you find2 
and ,i suppose  that the presence of a  
friend1 or rather of someone with whom  
one has a  kind of understanding1 gives 

a feeling of comparative safety against 
attack4    ,that's it1 no doubt1 said   
,father ,payne2 but if ,i had to choose 
between  spending the rest of my life in
 solitude1 or in spending it without a  
chance of solitude1 ,i should be in a   
great difficulty4 ,i am afraid that ,i  
regard company rather as a wholesome    
medicine against the evils of solitude  
than ,i regard solitude as a relief from
 company4 ,after all1 what is it that   
we want with each other8--what do we    
expect to get from each other8 ,i       
remember1 he said1 smiling1 a witty old 
lady saying to me once that  eternity   
was a nightmare to her4--',for          
instance1' she said1 ',i enjoy  sitting 
here and talking to you very much2 but  
if ,i thought it was going on  to all   
eternity1 ,i shouldn't like it at all4' 
,do we really want the company  of any  
one for ever and ever8 ,and if so1 why8 
,do we want to agree or to  disagree8   
,is the point of it that we want        
similarity or difference8 ,do we  want  

to hear about other people's            
experiences1 or do we simply want to    
tell  our own8 ,is the desire1 ,i mean1 
for congenial company anything more than
  the pleasure of seeing our own        
thoughts and ideas reflected in the     
minds of  others2 or is it a real desire
 to alter our own thoughts and ideas by 
comparing them with the experiences of  
others8 ,why do we like books1 for      
instance8 ,isn't it more because we     
recognise our own feelings than because 
we make acquaintance with unfamiliar    
feelings8 ,it comes to this8 ,can we    
really ever gain an idea1 or can we only
 recognise our own ideas8    ,it is very
 difficult1 ,i said2 if ,i answered     
hastily1 ,i should say that ,i  liked   
being with you because you give me many 
new ideas2 but if ,i think  about it1 it
 seems to me that it is only because you
 make me recognise my  own thoughts4    
,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 ,i think that
 is so4 ,if ,i see another man  behaving
 well where ,i should behave ill1 ,i    

recognise that ,i have all the  elements
 in my own mind for doing the same1 but 
that ,i have given undue  weight to some
 of them and not enough weight to       
others4 ,i don't think1 on  the whole1  
that anyone can give one a new idea2 he 
can only help one to a  sense of        
proportion4 ,but ,i want to get deeper  
than that4 ,you and ,i are  friends--at 
least ,i think so2 but what exactly do  
we give each other8 ,how  do you affect 
my solitude1 or ,i yours8 ,i'm blessed  
if ,i know4 ,it looks to  me1 indeed1 as
 if you and ,i might be parts of one    
great force1 one great  spirit1 and that
 we recognise our unity1 through some   
material condition  which keeps us      
apart4 ,i am not sure that it isn't only
 the body that  divides us1 and that we 
are a part of the same thing behind it  
all4    ,but why1 if that is so1 said   
,i1 do we feel a sense of unity with    
some  people1 and not at all with       
others8 ,there are people1 ,i mean1 with
 whom ,i  feel that ,i have simply      

nothing in common1 and that our spirits 
could not  possibly mix or blend4 ,with 
you1 to speak frankly1 it is different4 
,i feel  as though ,i had known you far 
longer than a few months1 and should    
never be  in any real doubt about you4  
,i recognise myself in you and yourself 
in me4  ,but there are many people in   
whom ,i don't recognise myself at all4  
,father ,payne put his arm through mine1
 ,well1 old man1 he said1 we must  be   
content to have found each other1 but we
 mustn't give up trying to find  other  
people too4 ,i think that is what       
civilisation means--a mutual            
recognition--we're only just at the     
start of it1 you know4 ,i'm in no doubt 
as to what you give me--it's a sense of 
trust4 ,when ,i think about you1 ,i     
feel1 ',come1 there is someone at all   
events who will try to understand me    
and to forgive me and to share his best 
with me'--but even so1 my boy1 ,i  shall
 enjoy being alone sometimes4 ,i shall  
want to get away from everyone1  even   

from you6 ,there are thoughts ,i cannot 
share with you1 because ,i want  you to 
think better of me than ,i do of myself4
 ,i suppose that is  vanity--but still  
old ,wordsworth was right when he wrote3
      ',and many love me2 but by none   
,am ,i enough beloved4'        ,,xxxix  
,,of ,,the ,,writer',s ,,life      ,i   
was walking once with ,father ,payne in 
the fields1 and he was talking  about   
the difficulties of the writer's life4  
,he said that the great problem  for all
 industrious writers was how to work in 
such a way as not to be a  nuisance to  
the people they lived with4 ,of course  
men vary very much in  their habits1 he 
said2 but if you look at the lives of   
authors1 they  often seem tiresome      
people to get on with4 ,the difficulty  
is mostly this1  he went on1 that a     
writer can't write to any purpose for   
more than about  three hours a day--if  
he works really hard1 even that is quite
 enough to  tire him out4 ,think what   
the brain is doing--it is concentrated  

on some  idea1 some scene1 some         
situation4 ,take a novelist3 he has to  
have a picture  in his mind all the     
time--a clear visualisation of a        
place--a room1 a  garden1 a wood2 then  
he must know how his people move and    
look and speak1  and he has to fly      
backwards and forwards from one to      
another2 then he has  the talk to       
create1 and he has to be always         
rejecting thoughts and  impressions and 
words1 good enough in themselves1 but   
not characteristic4  ,it is a fearful   
strain on imagination and emotion1 on   
phrase-making and  word-finding4 ,the   
real wonder is not that a few people can
 do it better  than others1 but that    
anyone can do it at all4 ,the difference
 between the  worst novelist and the    
best is much less than the difference   
between the  worst novelist and the     
person who can't write at all4    ,well1
 then1 there is such a thing as         
inspiration2 most creative writers  get 
a book in their minds1 and can think of 

nothing else1 day and night1  while it  
is on4 ,the difficulty is to know what a
 writer is to do in the  intervals      
between his books1 and in the hours in  
which he is not writing4  ,he has got to
 take it easy somehow1 and the question 
is what is he to do4  ,he can't1 as a   
rule1 do much in the way of hard        
exercise4 ,violent exercise  in the open
 air is pleasant enough1 but it leaves  
the brain torpid and  stagnant4 ,a man  
who really makes a business of writing  
has got to live  through ten or twelve  
hours of a day when he isn't writing4   
,he can't afford  to read very much--at 
least he can't afford to read authors   
whom he  admires1 because they affect   
his style4 ,there is something horribly 
contagious about style1 because it is   
often much easier to do a thing in      
someone else's way than to do it in     
one's own4 ,pater was asked once if he  
had read ,stevenson or ,kipling1 ,i     
forget which--',oh no1 ,i daren't6' he  
said1  ',i have peeped into him         

occasionally1 but ,i can't afford to    
read him4 ,i  have learnt exactly how ,i
 can approach and develop a subject1 and
 if ,i  looked to see how he does it1 ,i
 should soon lose my power4 ,the man    
with a  style is debarred from reading  
fine books unless they are on lines     
entirely  apart from his own4' ,that is 
perfectly true1 ,i expect4 ,there is    
nothing so  dreadful as reading a writer
 whom one likes1 and seeing that he has 
got  deflected from his manner by       
reading some other craftsman4 ,the      
effect is a  very subtle one4 ,if you   
really want to see that sort of sympathy
 at work1  you should look at ,ruskin's 
letters--his letters are deeply affected
 by the  correspondent to whom he is    
writing4 ,if he wrote to ,carlyle or to 
,browning1  he wrote like ,carlyle and  
,browning1 because1 as he wrote1 they   
were  strongly in his mind4    ,with a  
painter or a musician it is different--a
 lot of hand-work comes in  which       
relieves the brain1 so that they can    

work longer hours4 ,but a writer1  as a 
rule1 while he is writing1 can't even   
afford to talk very much to  interesting
 people1 because talking is hard work   
too4    ,well1 then1 a writer1 as an    
artistic person1 is rather easily bored4
 ,he  likes vivid sensations and        
emphatic preferences--and it is not     
really good  for him to be bored2 a man 
may read the paper1 write a few letters1
 stroll1  garden1 chatter--but if he    
takes his writing seriously1 he must    
somehow be  fresh for it4 ,it isn't easy
 to combine writing with any other      
occupation1  and it leaves many hours   
unoccupied4    ,carlyle is a terrible   
instance1 because he was wretched and   
depressed when  he was not writing2 he  
was melancholy1 peevish1 physically     
unwell2 and when  he was writing1 he was
 wholly absorbed very impatient of his  
labour1 and  most intolerable4 ,indeed1 
it does not look as if the home lives of
 writers  have generally been very      
happy--there is too often a patent      

conspiracy to  keep the great irritable 
babyish giant amused--and that's a bad  
atmosphere  for anyone to live in--an   
unreal1 a royal sort of atmosphere1 of  
deferential scheming4    ,i said        
something about ,walter ,scott4 ,ah yes1
 said ,father ,payne1 but  ,scott's work
 was amazing--it just seemed to overflow
 from a gigantic  reservoir of vitality4
 ,he could do his day's work in the     
early hours1 and  then tramp about all  
day1 chattering1 farming1 planting1     
entertaining--endlessly good-humoured4  
,of course he wore himself out at  last 
by perfectly ghastly work--most of it   
very poor stuff4 ,browning and          
,thackeray were men of the same sort1   
sociable1 genial1 exuberant4 ,they      
overflowed too--they didn't batter      
things out4    ,but1 as a rule1 most men
 who want to do good work1 must be      
content to  potter about1 and seem lazy 
and even self-indulgent4 ,and one of the
 reasons  why many men who start as     
promising writers come to nothing is    

because they  can't be inert1           
acquiescent1 easy-going4 ,i have often  
thought that a good  novel might be     
written about the wife of a great       
writer1 who marries him1  dazzled by his
 brilliance and then finds him to be a  
petty1 suspicious1  wayward sort of     
child1 with all his force lying in one  
supreme faculty of  vision and          
expression4 ,it must be a fiery trial to
 see deep1 wise1  beautiful things      
produced by a man who can't live his    
thoughts--can  only write them4    ,but 
what should a man do8 ,i said4    ,well1
 said ,father ,payne1 ,i think1 as a    
practical matter1 it would be a  good   
thing to cultivate a hobby of a manual  
kind--and also1 above all1 the  power of
 genial loafing4 ,of course1 the real   
pity is that we are not all  taught to  
do some house-work as a matter of       
course--we depend too much on  servants1
 and house-work is the natural and      
amusing outlet of our physical          
energies2 as it is1 we specialise too   

much1 and half of our maladies and      
discomforts and miseries are due to     
that--that we work a part of ourselves  
too hard1 and the other parts not hard  
enough4 ,the thing to aim at is         
equanimity1 and the existence of        
unsatisfied instincts in us is what     
poisons life for many people4    ,he was
 silent for a little1 and then he said1 
,and then1 too1 there is the  great     
danger of all writers--the feeling that 
he has the power of giving  people what 
they want1 when he ought to remember    
that he has only the good  fortune of   
expressing what people feel4 ,art       
oughtn't to be a thing  sprinkled on    
life1 as you shake sugar out on to a    
pudding--it is just a  power of         
disentangling things2 we suffer most of 
us from finding life too                
complicated--we don't understand        
it--it's a mass of confused impressions4
  ,well1 the artist puts it all in      
order1 isolates the important things1   
makes  the values distinct--he helps    

people to feel clearly--that's his only 
use4  ,and then1 if he succeeds1 there  
come silly flatteries and               
adorations--until  he gets to feel as if
 he were handing down pots of jam and   
bottles of wine  from a high shelf out  
of reach--until he grows to believe that
 he put them  there1 when he only found 
them there4 ,it's a dreadful thing for  
an artist  never to succeed at all1     
because then his life appears the most  
useless  business conceivable2 but it is
 almost a worse thing to get to depend  
upon  success--and it is undeniably     
pleasant to be a personage1 to cause a  
little  stir when you enter a room1 to  
find that people know all about you and 
like  meeting you1 and saying they have 
met you4 ,i never had any of that3 and  
,i  have sometimes found myself with    
successful writers who made me thank    
,god ,i  couldn't write--such           
complacency1 such lolling among praise1 
such vexation  at not being deferred to6
 ,the best fate for a man is to be      

fairly  successful1 and to be at the    
same time pretty severely criticised4   
,that  keeps him modest1 while it gives 
him a degree of confidence that he is   
doing something useful4 ,the danger is  
of drifting right out of life into      
unreal civilities and compliments1 which
 you don't wholly like and yet  can't do
 without4 ,the fact is that writing     
doesn't generally end in very  much     
happiness1 except perhaps the happiness 
of work4 ,that's the solid part  of it  
really1 and no one can deprive you of   
that1 whatever happens4        ,,xl     
,,of ,,waste      ,we were discussing   
,keats and his premature death4 ,someone
 had said that1  beside being one of the
 best1 he was also one of the most      
promising of  poets2 and ,father ,payne 
had remarked that reading ,keats's      
letters made him  feel more directly in 
the presence of a man of genius than any
 other book  he knew4 ,kaye had added   
that the death of ,keats seemed to him  
the most  ghastly kind of waste1 at     

which ,father ,payne had smiled1 and    
said that that  presupposed that he was 
knocked out by some malign or           
indifferent force4  ,it is              
possible--isn't it8 he added1 that he   
was needed elsewhere and  summoned away4
 ,then why was he so elaborately        
tortured first8 said ,kaye4  ,well1 said
 ,father ,payne1 ,i can conceive that if
 he had recovered his  health1 and      
escaped from his engagement with ,fanny 
,brawne1 he might have  been a much     
finer fellow afterwards4 ,there were two
 weak points in ,keats1  you know--his  
over-sensuousness and a touch of        
commonness--,i won't call it  vulgarity1
 he added1 but his jokes are not of the 
best quality6 ,i do not  feel sure that 
his suffering might not have cleared    
away the poisonous  stuff4    ,perhaps1 
said ,kaye2 but doesn't that make it    
more wasteful still8 ,the  world needs  
beauty--and for a man to die so young   
with his best music in  him seems to me 
a clumsy affair4    ,i don't know1 said 

,father ,payne2 it seems to me harder to
 define the  word waste than almost any 
word ,i know4 ,of course there are cases
  when it is obviously applicable--if a 
big steamer carrying a cargo of wheat   
goes down in a storm1 that is a lot of  
human trouble thrown away--and a war  is
 wasteful1 because nations lose their   
best and healthiest parental stock4     
,but it isn't a word to play with4 ,in a
 middle-class household it is applied   
mainly to such things as there being    
enough left of a nice dish for the      
servants to enjoy2 and1 generally       
speaking1 ,i think it might be applied  
to  all cases in which the toil spent   
over the making of a thing is out of all
  proportion to the enjoyment derived   
from it4 ,but the difficulty underlying 
it is that it assumes a knowledge of    
what a man's duty is in this  world--and
 ,i am not by any means sure that we    
know4 ,look at the phrase 'a  waste of  
time4' ,how do we know exactly how much 
time a man ought to allot  to sleep1 to 

work1 to leisure8 ,i had an old         
puritanical friend who was very  fond of
 telling people that they wasted time4  
,he himself spent nearly two  hours of  
every day in dressing and undressing4   
,that is to say that when he  died at   
the age of seventy-six1 he had spent    
about six entire years in  making and   
unmaking his toilet6 ,let us assume that
 everyone is bound to  give a certain   
amount of time to doing the necessary   
work of the  world--enough to support1  
feed1 clothe1 and house himself1 with a 
margin to  spare for the people who     
can't support themselves and can't work4
 ,then  there are a lot of outlying     
things which must be done--the work of  
statesmen1 lawyers1 doctors1            
writers--all the people who organise1   
keep  order1 cure1 or amuse people4     
,then there are all the people who make 
luxuries and comforts--things not       
exactly necessary1 but still reasonable 
indulgences4 ,now let us suppose that   
anyone is genuinely and sensibly        

occupied in any one of these ways1 and  
does his or her fair share of the       
world's work3 who is to say how such    
workers are to spend their margin of    
time8 ,there are obviously certain      
people who are mere drones in the       
hive--rich1 idle1 extravagant people3 we
 will admit that they are wasters4  ,but
 ,i don't admit for a moment that all   
the time spent in enjoying oneself  is  
wasted1 and ,i think that people have a 
right to choose what they do  enjoy4 ,i 
am inclined to believe that we are here 
to live1 and that work is  only a part  
of our material limitations4 ,a great   
deal of the usefulness of  work is not  
its intrinsic value1 but its value to   
ourselves4 ,it isn't only  what we      
perform that matters2 it is the fact    
that work forces us into  relations with
 other people1 which ,i take to be the  
experience we all need4  ,in the old    
dreary books of my childhood1 the elders
 were always hounding  the young people 
into doing something useful--useful     

reading1 useful  sewing1 and so forth4  
,but ,i am inclined to believe that     
sociability and  talk are more useful   
than reading1 and that solitary musing  
and dreaming  and looking about are     
useful too4 ,all activity is useful1 all
 interchange1  all perception4 ,what    
isn't useful is anything which hides    
life from you1  any habit that drugs you
 into inactivity and idleness1 anything 
which makes  you believe that life is   
romantic and sentimental and fatuous4 ,i
 wouldn't  even go so far as to say that
 all the time spent in squabbling and   
quarrelling is useless1 because it      
brings you up against people who think  
differently from yourself4 ,that becomes
 wasteful the moment it leaves you  with
 the impotent desire to hurt your       
adversary4 ,no1 ,i am inclined to think 
that the only thing which is wasteful is
 anything which suspends interest  and  
animation and the love of life2 and ,i  
don't blame idle and extravagant  people
 who live with zest and liveliness for  

doing that4 ,i only blame them  for not 
seeing that their extravagance is       
keeping people at the other end  of the 
scale in drudgery and dulness4 ,of      
course the difficulty of it is1  that if
 we offered the lowest stratum of       
workers a great increase of  leisure1   
they would largely misuse it2 and that  
is why ,i believe that in  the future a 
large part of the education of workers  
will be devoted to  teaching them how to
 employ their leisure agreeably and not 
noxiously4 ,and  ,i believe that there  
are thousands of cases in the world     
which are  infinitely worse than the    
case of ,keats--who1 after all1 had more
 joy of  the finest quality in his short
 life than most of us achieve4 ,i mean  
the  cases of men and women with fine   
and sensitive instincts1 who by being   
born  under base and down-trodden       
conditions are never able to get a taste
 of  clean1 wholesome1 and beautiful    
life at all--that's a much darker       
problem4    ,but how do you fit that    

into your theories of life at all8 said 
,vincent4    ,oh1 it fits my theory of  
life well enough1 said ,father ,payne4  
,you see1 ,i  believe it to be a real   
battle1 and not a sham fight4 ,i believe
 in ,god as  the source of all the fine1
 beautiful1 and free instincts1 casting 
them  lavishly into the world1 against a
 horribly powerful and relentless but   
ultimately stupid foe4 ',who put the    
evil there8' you may say1 'and how did  
it get there first8' ,ah1 ,i don't know 
that--that is the origin of evil4 ,but  
,i don't believe that ,god put it there 
first1 just for the interest of the     
fight4 ,i don't believe that ,he is     
responsible for waste--,i think it is   
one  of the forces ,he is fighting4 ,he 
pushes battalion after battalion to the 
assault1 and down they go4 ,it's cruel  
work1 but it isn't anything like so     
cruel as to suppose that ,he arranged it
 all or even permitted it all4 ,that    
would indeed sicken and dishearten me4  
,no1 ,i believe that ,god never wastes  

anything2 but it's a fearful and        
protracted battle2 and ,i believe that  
,he  will win in the end4 ,i read a case
 in the paper the other day of a little 
child in a workhouse that had learnt a  
lot of infamous language1 and cursed    
and swore if it was given milk instead  
of beer or brandy4 ,am ,i to believe    
that ,god was in any way responsible for
 putting a little child in that         
position8--for allowing things to take  
shape so1 if ,he could have checked  it8
 ,no1 indeed6 ,i do not believe in a    
,god as helpless or as wicked as that6  
,there is something devilish there1 for 
which ,he is not responsible1 and       
against which ,he is fighting as hard as
 ,he can4    ,but doesn't heredity come 
in there8 said ,vincent4 ,it isn't the  
child's  fault1 and probably no amount  
of decent conditions would turn that    
child  into anything respectable4       
,yes1 said ,father ,payne2 heredity is  
just one of the evil devices--but  don't
 you see the stupidity of it8 ,it stops 

progress1 but it also helps it  on--it  
hinders1 but it also helps2 and nothing 
in the world seems to me so  ,divine as 
the way in which ,god is using and      
mastering heredity for good4 ,it        
multiplies evil1 but it also multiplies 
good2 and ,god has turned that  weapon  
against the contriver of it4 ,the wiser 
that the world grows1 the  more they    
will see how to use heredity for        
happiness1 by preventing the  tainted   
from continuing to taint the races4 ,the
 slow civilisation of the  world is the 
strongest proof ,i know that the battle 
is going the right way4  ,the forces of 
evil are being slowly transformed into  
the forces of good4  ,the waste of noble
 things is but the slow arrival of the  
new armies of  light4 ,there is         
something real in fighting for a        
,general who has a very  urgent and     
terrible business on hand4 ,there is    
nothing real about fighting  for one who
 has brought both the armies into the   
field4 ,it doesn't do to  sentimentalise

 about evil1 and to say that it is      
hidden good6 ,the world is  a probation1
 ,i don't doubt--but it is testing your 
strength against  something which is    
really there1 and can do you a lot of   
harm1 not against  something which is   
only there for the purpose of testing   
what might have  been made and kept both
 innocent and strong4        ,,xli      
,,of ,,education      ,father ,payne    
generally declined to talk about        
education4 ,teaching is one  of the     
things1 like golf and hunting1 which is 
exciting to do and pleasant  to         
remember1 but intolerable to talk about1
 he said one evening4    ,well1 ,i said1
 it is certainly intolerable to listen  
to people discussing  education1 or to  
read about it2 but if you know anything 
about it1 ,i should  have thought it was
 good fun to talk about it4    ,ah1 said
 ,father ,payne1 you say1 ',if you know 
anything about it4' ,the  worst of it is
 that everybody knows everything about  
it4 ,a man who is a  success1 thinks    

that his own education is the only one  
worth having2 a man  who is a failure   
thinks that all systems of education are
 wrong4 ,and as for  talking about      
teaching1 you can't talk about it--you  
can only relate your  own experience1   
and listen with such patience as you can
 muster to another  man relating his4   
,that's not talking6    ,but it is      
interesting in a general way1 said      
,vincent1--the kind of thing  you are   
aiming at1 what you want to produce1 and
 so on4    ,yes1 my dear ,vincent1 said 
,father ,payne1 but education isn't     
that--it's  an obstinate sort of        
tradition2 it's a quest1 like the       
,philosopher's ,stone4  ,most people    
think that it is a sort of charm which1 
if you could discover  it1 would        
transmute all baser metals into gold4   
,the justification of the               
,philosopher's ,stone is1 ,i suppose1   
that different metals are not really    
different substances1 but only different
 arrangements of the same atoms4  ,but  

we can't predicate that of human spirits
 as yet2 and to attempt to find  one    
formula of education is like planting   
the same crop in different soils4  ,it  
is the ridiculous democratic doctrine of
 human equality which is the  real      
difficulty4 ,there is no natural        
equality in human nature1 and the       
question really is whether you are going
 to try to reduce all human beings  to  
the same level1 which is the danger of  
discipline1 or to let people  follow    
their own instincts unchecked1 which is 
the shadow of liberty4 ,i'm  all for    
liberty1 of course4    ,but why 'of     
course'8 said ,vincent4    ,because ,i  
take the aristocratic view1 said ,father
 ,payne1 which is that  you do more for 
the human race by having a few fine     
people1 than by having  an infinite     
number of second-rate people4 ,what the 
first-rate man thinks  to-day1 the      
second-rate people think to-morrow--that
 is how we make  progress2 and ,i would 
like to take infinite pains with the    

best material1  if ,i could find it1 and
 leave discipline for the second-rate4  
,the ,jews and  the ,greeks1 both       
first-class nations1 have done more for 
the world on the  whole than the ,romans
 and the ,anglo-,saxons1 who are the    
best of the  second-rate stocks4    ,but
 how are you going to begin to sort your
 material8 said ,barthrop4    ,yes1 you 
have me there1 said ,father ,payne4 ,but
 ,i don't despair of our  ultimately    
finding that out4 ,at present1 the worst
 of men of genius is that  they are not 
always the most brisk and efficient     
boys4 ,a genius is apt to  be perceptive
 and sensitive4 ,his perceptiveness     
makes him seem bewildered1  because he  
is vaguely interested in everything that
 he sees2 his  sensitiveness makes him  
hold his tongue1 because he gets snubbed
 if he asks  too many questions4 ,men of
 genius are not as a rule very          
precocious--they  are often shy1        
awkward1 absent-minded4 ,genius is often
 strangely like  stupidity in its early 

stages4 ,the stupid boy escapes notice  
because he is  stupid4 ,the genius      
escapes notice because he is diffident1 
and wants  to escape notice4    ,but how
 would you set about discovering which  
was which8 said ,barthrop4    ,well1    
said ,father ,payne1 if you ask me1 ,i  
don't think we discriminate2 ,i  think  
we go in for teaching children too much1
 and not trying to make them  observe   
and think more4 ,we give them things to 
do1 and to get by heart2 we  imprison   
them in a narrow round of gymnastics4   
,as ,dr4 ,johnson said once1  ',you     
teach your children the use of the      
globes1 and when they get older you     
wonder that they do not seek your       
society6' ,the whole thing is so        
devilish  dull1 and it saves the teacher
 such a lot of trouble6 ,i myself was   
fairly  quick as a boy1 and found that  
it paid to do what ,i was told4 ,but ,i 
never  made the smallest pretence to be 
interested in what ,i had to            
do--grammar1  ,euclid1 tiny scraps of   

,latin and ,greek4 ,i used to thank     
,god1 in ,xenophon  lessons1 when a bit 
was all about stages and parasangs1     
because there were  fewer words to look 
out4 ,the idea of teaching languages    
like that6 ,if ,i had  a clever boy to  
teach a language1 ,i would read some    
interesting book with  him1 telling him 
the meaning of words1 until he got a big
 stock of ordinary  words2 ,i would just
 teach him the common inflexions2 and   
when he could read  an easy book1 and   
write the language intelligibly1 then ,i
 would try to  teach him a few niceties 
and idioms1 and make him look out for   
differences  of style and language4 ,but
 we begin at the wrong end1 and store   
his memory  with exceptions and idioms  
and niceties first4 ,no sensible human  
being who  wanted1 let us say1 to know  
enough ,italian to read ,dante1 would   
dream of  setting to work as we set to  
work on classics4 ,well then1 ,father   
,payne  went on1 ,i should cultivate the
 imagination of children a great deal   

more4  ,i should try to teach them all  
,i could about the world as it is--the  
different nations1 and how they live1   
the distribution of plants and  animals1
 the simpler sorts of science4 ,i don't 
think that it need be very  accurate1   
all that4 ,but children ought to realise
 that the world is a big  place1 with   
all sorts of interesting and exciting   
things going on4 ,i would  try to give  
them a general view of history and the  
movement of  civilisation4 ,i don't mean
 a romantic view of it1 with the pomps  
and shows  and battles in the           
foreground2 but a real view--how people 
lived1 and what  they were driving at4  
,the thing could be done1 if it were not
 for the  bugbear of inaccuracy4 ,to    
know a little perfectly isn't enough2 of
 course1  people ought to be able to    
write their own language accurately1 and
 to do  arithmetic4 ,outside of that1   
you want a lot of general ideas4 ,it is 
no good  teaching everything as if      
everyone was to end as a ,professor4    

,that is a reasonable general scheme1   
said ,barthrop1 but what about  special 
aptitudes8    ,why1 said ,father ,payne1
 ,i should go on those general lines    
till boys and  girls were about         
fourteen4 ,and ,i should teach them with
 a view to the lives  they were going to
 live4 ,i should teach girls a good deal
 of house-work1  and country boys about 
the country--we mustn't forget that the 
common work  of the world has to be     
done4 ,you must somehow interest people 
in the sort  of work they are going to  
do4 ,it is hopeless without that4 ,and  
then we must  gradually begin to        
specialise4 ,but ,i'm not going into all
 that now4 ,the  general aim ,i should  
have in view would be to give people    
some idea of the  world they were living
 in1 and try to interest them in the    
part they were  going to play2 and ,i   
should try to teach them how to employ  
their leisure4  ,that seems entirely    
left out at present4 ,i want to develop 
people on simple  and contented lines1  

with intelligent interests and1 if      
possible1 a special  taste4 ,the happy  
man is the man who likes his work1 and  
all education is a  fraud if it turns   
out people who don't like their work2   
and then ,i want  people to have        
something to fall back upon which they  
enjoy4 ,no one can  live a decent life  
without having things to look forward   
to4 ,but1 of  course1 the whole thing   
turns on ,finance1 and that is what     
makes it so  infernally dull4 ,you want 
more teachers and better teachers2 you  
want to  make teaching a profession     
which attracts the best people4 ,you    
can't do  that without money1 and at    
present education is looked upon as an  
expensive  luxury4 ,that's all part of  
the stodgy ,anglo-,saxon mind4 ,it      
doesn't want  ideas--it wants positions 
which1 carry high salaries2 and really  
the one  thing which blocks the way in  
all our education is that we care so    
much for  money and property1 and can't 
think of happiness apart from them4 ,as 

long  as our real aim in ,england is    
income1 we shall not make progress2     
because  we persist in thinking of ideas
 as luxuries in which a man can indulge 
if  he has a sufficient income to afford
 to do so4    ,you take a gloomy view of
 our national ideals1 ,father1 said     
,vincent4    ,not a gloomy view1 my boy1
 said ,father ,payne2 only a dull view6 
,we are a  respectable nation--we adore 
respectability2 and ,i don't think it is
 a  sympathetic quality4 ,what ,i want  
is more sympathy and more imagination4  
,i  think they lead to happiness2 and ,i
 don't think the ,anglo-,saxon cares    
enough about happiness2 if he is happy1 
he has an uneasy idea that he is in  for
 a disaster of some kind4        ,,xlii 
,,of ,,religion      ,i found ,father   
,payne one morning reading a letter with
 knitted brows4  ,presently he cast it  
down on the table with a gesture of     
annoyance4 ,what a  fool one is to      
argue6 he said--and then stopping1 he   
said1 ,but you wanted  something--what  

is it8 ,it was a question about some    
books which was soon  answered4 ,then he
 said3 ,stay a few minutes1 won't you1  
unless you are  pressed8 ,i have got a  
tiresome letter1 and if you will let me 
pour out my  complaint to you1 ,i shall 
be all right--otherwise ,i shall go     
about  grumbling and muttering all day1 
and inventing repartees4    ,i sate down
 in a chair4 ,yes1 do tell me6 ,i said2 
,i have really very  little to do this  
morning1 but finish up a bit of work4   
,he looked at me with a twinkle in his  
eye4 ,i expect you ought to be at  work1
 he said1 and if ,i were conscientious1 
,i should send you away--but  this is   
rather interesting1 ,i think4    ,he    
meditated for a moment1 and then went   
on4 ,it's this6 ,i have got  involved in
 an argument with an old friend of mine 
who is a stiff sort of                  
,high-,churchman--a parson4 ,it's about 
religion1 too1 and it's no good  arguing
 about religion4 ,you only confirm your 
adversary in his opinion4 ,he  brings   

forth the bow1 and makes ready the      
arrows within the quiver4 ,i  needn't go
 into the argument4 ,it's the old story4
 ,he objected to something  ,i said as  
'vague1' and ,i was ass enough to answer
 him4 ,he is one of those  people who is
 very strong on dogma1 and treats his   
religion as if it were a  sort of       
trades' union4 ,he thinks ,i am a kind  
of blackleg1 not true to my  principles2
 or rather he thinks that ,i am not a   
,christian at all1 and only  call myself
 one for the sake of the associations4  
,of course he triumphs  over me at every
 point4 ,he is entrenched in what he    
calls a logical system1  and he fires   
off texts as if from a machine-gun4 ,of 
course my point is that  all strict     
denominations have got a severely       
logical system1 but that they  can't all
 be sound1 because they all deduce      
different conclusions from the  same    
evidence4 ,all denominational positions 
are drawn up by able men1 and ,i        
imagine that an old theology like the   

,catholic theology is one of the most   
ingenious constructions in the world    
from the logical point of view4 ,but    
the mischief of it all is that the data 
are incomplete1 and many of them  are   
not mathematically demonstrable at all4 
,they are all coloured by human  ideas  
and personalities and temperaments1 and 
half of them are intuitions  and        
experiences1 which vary at different    
times and under different               
circumstances4 ,all precise             
denominational systems are the outcome  
of the  desire for a precise certainty  
in the minds of business-like           
people--the  people who say that they   
wish to know exactly where they are4    
,now ,i don't  go so far as to say1 or  
even to think1 that religion will always
 be as  mysterious a thing as it is now4
 ,i fully expect that we shall know much
  more about it some day4 ,but we don't 
at present know very much about the     
central things of all--the nature of    
,god1 the relation of good and evil1    

life after death1 human psychology4 ,we 
have not reached the point of being     
able definitely to identify the moral   
force of the world with the forces      
which do not appear to be moral1 but are
 undoubtedly1 active--with  realities1  
that is1 as we come into contact with   
them4 ,there are no  scientific         
certainties on these points--we simply  
have not reached that  stage4 ,my       
friend's view is that out of a certain  
number of denominations1  one is        
undoubtedly right4 ,my view is that all 
are necessarily incomplete4  ,but the   
moment ,i say this1 he says that my     
religion is so vague as not to  be a    
religion at all4    ,now my own position
 is this1 that ,i think religion1 by    
which ,i mean our  relation to the      
,power behind the world1 is the most    
important fact in the  world1 as well as
 the most absorbingly interesting4      
,whatever form of  religion ,i study1 ,i
 seem to see the same thing going on4   
,the saints1  however much they differ  

in dogma1 seem to me to have a strong   
family  likeness4 ,mysticism is a very  
definite thing indeed1 and ,i have never
 any  doubt that all mystics have the   
same or a very similar experience1      
namely1  the perception of some         
perfectly definite force--as real a     
force as  electricity1 for              
instance--with which they are in touch4 
,something1 which  is quite clearly     
there1 is affecting them in a particular
 way4    ,if you ask me what that       
something is1 ,i don't know4 ,i believe 
it to be a  sort of life-force1 which   
can and does mingle itself with our own 
life2 and  ,i believe that we are all   
affected by it1 just as every drop of   
water on  the earth is affected by the  
moon's attraction--though we can measure
 that  effect in an ocean by observing  
the tides1 when we can't measure it in a
  basin of water4 ,we are not all       
equally conscious of it1 and ,i don't   
know  why that is4 ,sometimes ,i am     
aware of it myself1 and sometimes not4  

,but ,i  have had enough experience of  
it to feel that something is making     
signals  to me1 affecting me1 attracting
 me4 ,and the reason why ,i am a        
,christian is  because in ,christianity 
and in the teaching of ,christ ,i feel  
the influence  of it in a way that ,i   
feel it nowhere else in the same degree4
 ,i feel that  ,christ was closer to    
what ,i recognise as ,god2 knew ,god    
better than anyone  that ever lived1 and
 in a different kind of way--from       
inside1 so to speak4  ,but it's a life  
that ,i find in the ,gospel1 and not a  
creed3  and ,i believe that this is     
religion1 to be somehow in touch with a 
higher  life and a higher sort of       
beauty4    ,but ,i personally don't want
 this explained and defined and         
codified4 ,that  seems to me only to hem
 it in and limit it4 ,the moment ,i find
 it reduced to  dogma and rule1 to      
definite channels of grace1 to          
particular powers  entrusted to         
particular persons1 then ,i begin to be 

stifled and1 what is  worse1 bored4 ,i  
don't feel it to be a logical affair at 
all--,i feel it to  be a living force1  
the qualities of which are virtue1      
beauty1 peace1  enthusiasm1 happiness2  
all the things which glow and sparkle in
 life1 and  make me long to be          
different--to be stronger1 wiser1 more  
patient1 more  interested1 more serene4 
,i want to share my secret with others1 
not to keep  it to myself4 ,but when ,i 
argue with my friend1 ,i don't feel it  
is my secret  but his1 and that in his  
mind the force itself is missing1 while 
a lot of  rules and logical propositions
 and arrangements have taken its place4 
,it is  just as though ,i were in love  
with a girl1 and were taken to task by  
someone1 and informed of a score of     
conventions which ,i must observe if ,i 
wish to be considered really in love4 ,i
 know what love means to me1 and ,i     
know1 how ,i want to make love2 and the 
same sort of thing is happening to      
lovers all the world over1 though they  

don't all make love in the same way4    
,you can't codify the rules of love6    
,presently he went on3 ,it seems to me  
like this--like seeing the reflection   
of the moon4 ,you may see it in the     
marble basin of a fountain1 clear and   
distinct4 ,you may see it blurred into  
ripples on a wind-stirred sea4 ,you  may
 see it moulded into liquid curves on a 
swift stream4 ,the changing  shapes of  
it matter little--you are sure that it  
is the same thing which is  being       
reflected1 however differently it       
appears4 ,i believe that human  nature  
has a power of reflecting ,god1 and the 
different denominations seem  to me to  
reflect ,him in different ways1 like the
 fountain and the stream  and the sea4  
,but the same thing is there1 though the
 forms seem to vary4  ,and therefore we 
must not quarrel with the different     
attempts to reflect  it--or even be     
vexed if the fountain tells the sea that
 it is not  reflecting the moon at all4 
,take my advice1 my boy1 he added1      

smiling1  and never argue about         
religion--only try to make your own     
spirit as calm  and true as you can6    
,,xliii    ,,of ,,critics      ,i came  
in from a stroll one day with ,father   
,payne and ,barthrop4 ,father  ,payne   
opened a letter which was lying on the  
hall table1 and saying1  ,hallo1        
,leonard1 look at this4 ,gladwin is     
coming down for ,sunday--that will  be  
rather fun6    ,i don't know about fun1 
said ,barthrop2 at least ,i doubt if ,i 
should find  it fun1 if ,i had the      
responsibility of entertaining him4     
,yes1 it's a great responsibility1 said 
,father ,payne4 ,i feel that4  ,gladwin 
is a man who has to be taken as you find
 him1 but who never makes  any pretence 
of taking you as he finds you6 ,but it  
will amuse me to put him  through his   
paces a bit6    ,who on earth is        
,gladwin8 said ,i1 consumed by          
curiosity4    ,father ,payne and        
,barthrop laughed4 ,i should like       
,gladwin to hear that6  said ,barthrop4 

,only it would grieve him still more if 
,duncan had heard of him1  said ,father 
,payne2 there would be a commonness     
about that6 ,then turning  to me1 he    
said1 ,gladwin8 ,well1 he's about the   
most critical man in  ,england1 ,i      
suppose4 ,he does a little work--a very 
little3 and ,i think he  might have been
 a great man1 if he hadn't become so    
fearfully dry4 ,he began  by despising  
everyone else1 and ended by despising   
himself--and now it's  almost a torture 
to him to make up his mind4 ',there's   
something base about  a decision1' he   
once said to me4 ,but 'despising' isn't 
the right  word4 ,he doesn't            
despise--that would be coarse4 ,he only 
feels the  coarseness of things in      
general4 ,he has got too fine an edge on
 his  mind--everything blunts it6    ,do
 you remember ,rose's song about him8   
said ,barthrop4    ,yes1 what was it8   
said ,father ,payne4    ,the refrain1   
said ,barthrop1 was      ',not too much 
of whatever is best1      ,that is      

enough for me6'    ,father ,payne       
laughed4 ,yes1 ,i remember6 he said2    
',not too much' is a good  stroke6    ,i
 happened to be with ,father ,payne when
 ,gladwin arrived4 ,he was a small1     
trim1 compact man1 about forty1         
unembarrassed and graceful1 but with an 
air  of dejection4 ,he had a short      
pointed beard and moustache1 and his    
hair was  growing grey4 ,he had fine    
thin hands1 and he was dressed in old   
but  well-fitting clothes4 ,he had an   
atmosphere of great distinction about   
him4  ,i had expected something incisive
 and clear-cut about him1 but he was    
conspicuously gentle1 and even          
deprecating in manner4 ,he greeted      
,father  ,payne smilingly1 and shook    
hands with me1 with a courteous little  
bow4 ,we  strolled a little in the      
garden4 ,father ,payne did most of the  
talking1 but  ,gladwin's silence was    
sympathetic and impressive4 ,he listened
 to us  tolerantly1 as a man might      
listen to the prattle of children4      

,what are you doing just now8 said      
,father ,payne after a pause4    ,oh1   
nothing worth mentioning1 said ,gladwin 
softly4 ,i work more slowly  than ever1 
,i believe4 ,it can hardly be called    
work1 indeed4 ,in fact1 ,i want  to     
consult you about a few little          
bits--they can hardly be called anything
  so definite as 'pieces'--but ,i am in 
doubt about their arrangement4 ,the     
placing of independent pieces is such a 
difficulty to me1 you know6 ,one  must  
secure some sort of a progression6      
,ah1 ,i shall enjoy that1 said ,father  
,payne4 ,but you won't take my advice1  
you know--you never do6    ,oh1 don't   
say that1 said ,gladwin4 ,of course one 
must be ultimately  responsible4 ,it    
can't be otherwise4 ,but ,i always      
respect your judgment4 ,you  always help
 me to the materials1 at all events1 for
 a decision6    ,father ,payne laughed1 
and said1 ,well1 ,i shall be at your    
service any  time6    ,a little while   
after1 ,gladwin said he thought he would

 go to his room4 ,i  know your ways     
here1 he said to me with a smile2 one   
mustn't interfere  with a system4       
,besides ,i like it6 ,it is such a      
luxury to obliterate  oneself6 ,when we 
met again before dinner1 ,gladwin walked
 across to a big  picture1 an old       
sea-piece1 rather effectively painted1  
which ,father ,payne  had found in a    
garret1 and had had restored and framed4
    ,what is this8 said ,gladwin very   
gently2 ,i think this is new8    ,father
 ,payne told him the story of its       
discovery1 adding1 ,i don't suppose  it 
is worth much--but it has a certain     
breeziness about it1 ,i think4          
,gladwin considered it in silence1 and  
then turned away4    ,do you like it8   
said ,father ,payne--a little           
maliciously1 ,i thought4    ,like it8   
said ,gladwin meditatively1 ,i don't    
know that ,i can go as far as  that6 ,i 
like it in your house4    ,gladwin said 
very little at dinner4 ,he ate and drank
 sparingly2 and ,i  noticed that he     

looked at any dish that was offered him 
with a quick  scrutinising glance4 ,he  
tasted his first glass of wine with the 
same air of  suspense1 and then appeared
 to be relieved from a preoccupation4   
,but he  joined little in the talk1 and 
exercised rather a sobering effect upon 
us4  ,once or twice he spoke out4       
,mention was made of ,gissing's ,papers 
of  ,henry ,ryecroft1 and ,father ,payne
 asked him if he had read it4 ,oh no1 ,i
  couldn't read it1 of course1 said     
,gladwin2 ,i looked into it1 and  had to
 put it away4 ,i felt as if ,i had      
opened a letter addressed to someone    
else by mistake6    ,at a later period  
of the evening1 a discussion arose about
 the laws of  taste4 ,father ,payne had 
said that the one phenomenon in art he  
could not  understand was the almost    
inevitable reaction which seemed to take
 place in  the way in which the work of 
a great writer or painter or musician is
  regarded a few years after his vogue  
declines4 ,i am not speaking1 said      

,father ,payne1 of poor1 commonplace1   
merely popular work1 but of work which  
was acclaimed as great by the best      
critics of the time1 and which will     
probably return to pre-eminence1 ,he    
instanced1 ,i remember1 ,mendelssohn and
  ,tennyson4 ,of course1 he said1 they  
both wrote a great deal--perhaps too    
much--and some kind of sorting is       
necessary4 ,i don't mind the ,idylls of 
the ,king1 or the ,elijah1 being        
relegated to oblivion1 because  they    
both show signs of having been done with
 one eye on the public4 ,but  the       
progressive young man won't hear of     
,tennyson or ,mendelssohn being         
regarded as serious figures in art at   
all4 ,yet ,i honestly believe that      
poems like ',now ,sleeps the ,crimson   
,petal1' or ',come down1 ,o ,maid1' have
 a  high and permanent beauty about     
them2 or1 again1 the overture to the    
,midsummer ,night's ,dream4 ,i can't    
believe that it isn't a thing full  of  
loveliness and delight4 ,i can't for the

 life of me see what happens to  cause  
such things to be forgotten4 ,tennyson  
and ,mendelssohn seem to me to  have    
been penetrated with a sense of beauty1 
and to have been great  craftsmen too3  
and their work at its best not only     
satisfied the most  exacting and trained
 critics1 but thrilled all the most     
beauty-loving  spirits of the time with 
ineffable content1 as of a dream        
fulfilled beyond  the reach of hope4    
,and yet all the light seems to die out 
of them as the  years go on4 ,the new   
writers and musicians1 the new critics1 
the new  audience1 are all preoccupied  
with a different presentment of beauty4 
,and  then1 very slowly1 the light seems
 to return to the old things--at least  
to  the best of them3 but they have to  
suffer an eclipse1 during which they are
  nothing but symbols of all that is    
hackneyed and commonplace in music and  
literature4 ,i think things are either  
beautiful or not3 ,i can't believe in  a
 real shifting of taste1 a merely       

relative and temporary beauty4 ,if it   
only happened to the second-rate kinds  
of goodness1 it would be                
intelligible--but it seems to involve   
the best as well4 ,what do you think1   
,gladwin8    ,gladwin1 who had been     
dreamily regarding the wine in his      
glass1 gave a  little start almost of   
pain1 as if a thorn had pricked him4 ,he
 glanced  round the table1 and then said
 in his gentlest voice1 ,well1 ,payne1  
,i don't  quite know from what point of 
view you are speaking--from the point of
 view  of serious investigation1 or of  
edification1 or of mere curiosity8 ,i   
should  have to be sure of that4 ,but1  
speaking hurriedly and perhaps          
intemperately1  ,i should be inclined to
 think that there was a sort of natural 
revolt  against a convention1 a         
spontaneous disgust at deference being  
taken for  granted4 ,isn't it like what 
takes place in politics--though1 of     
course1 ,i  know nothing about          
politics--the way1 ,i mean1 in which the

 electors get  simply tired of a        
political party being in power1 and give
 the other side a  chance of doing      
better8 ,i mean that the gross and      
unintelligent laudation  of any artist  
who arrives at what is called assured   
fame1 naturally turns  one's mind on to 
the critical consciousness of his       
imperfections4 ,i don't  say it's noble 
or right--in fact1 ,i think it is       
probably ungenerous--but ,i  think it is
 natural4    ,yes1 there is a good deal 
in that1 said ,father ,payne1 but ought 
not the  trained critics to withstand   
it8    ,the trained critic1 said        
,gladwin1 the man who sells his opinion 
of a  work of art for money1 is1 of     
course1 the debased outcome of a        
degrading  system4 ,if you press me1 ,i 
should consider that both the           
extravagant  laudation and the equally  
extravagant reaction are entirely vulgar
 and  horrible4 ,personally1 ,i am not  
easily pleased3 but then what does it   
matter  whether ,i am pleased or not8   

,but you sometimes bring yourself to    
form1 and even express1 an opinion8     
said ,father ,payne with a smile4    ,an
 opinion--an opinion--said ,gladwin1    
shaking his head1 ,i don't know  that ,i
 ever get so far as that4 ,one has a    
kind of feeling1 no doubt2 but it  is so
 far underground1 that one hardly knows 
what its operations may be4    ',well   
said1 old mole6 ,canst work i' the earth
 so fast8 ,a worthy pioneer6'  said     
,payne1 laughing4    ,gladwin gave a    
quick smile3 ,a good quotation6 he said1
 that was very  ready6 ,i congratulate  
you on that6 ,but there's more of the   
mole than the  pioneer about my work1   
such as it is6      ,gladwin drifted    
about the next day like a tired fairy4  
,he had a long conference with ,father  
,payne1 and at dinner he seemed aloof1  
and hardly spoke at all4 ,he vanished   
the next day with an air of relief4     
,well1 what did you think of our guest8 
said ,father ,payne to me1 meeting  me  
in the garden before dinner4    ,well1  

,i said1 he seemed to me an unhappy1    
heavily-burdened man--but he  was       
evidently extraordinarily able4    ,yes1
 said ,father ,payne1 that's about it4  
,his mind is too big for him to  carry4 
,he sees everything1 understands        
everything1 and passes judgment on      
everything4 ,but he hasn't enough       
vitality4 ,it must be an awful curse to 
have no illusions--to see the           
inferiority of everything so clearly4   
,he's  awfully lonely1 and ,i must try  
to see more of him4 ,but it is very     
difficult4 ,i used to amuse him1 and he 
appointed me1 in a way he has1 a  sort  
of ,state ,jester--,royal ,letters      
,patent1 you know4 ,but then he began to
  detect the commonness of my mind and  
taste1 and1 one by one1 all the  avenues
 of communication became closed4 ,if ,i 
liked a book which he  disliked1 and    
praised it to him1 he became inflicted  
with a kind of mental  nausea3 and it's 
impossible to see much of a man1 with   
any real comfort1  when you realise that

 you are constantly turning him faint   
and sick4 ,i had  a dreary time with him
 yesterday4 ,he produced some critical  
essays of his  own1 which he was        
thinking of making into a book4 ,they   
were awfully dry1  like figs which have 
been kept too long--not a drop of juice 
in them4 ,they  were hideously acute1 ,i
 saw that4 ,but there wasn't any reason 
why they  should have been written4     
,they were mere dissections3 ,i         
suggested that he  should call them     
',depreciations1' and he shivered1 and  
,i felt a brute4 ,but  that didn't last 
long1 because he has a way of putting   
you in your place4 ,i  felt like        
something in a nightmare he was having4 
,he annexes you1 and he  disapproves of 
you at the same time4 ,i am awfully     
sorry for him1 but ,i  can't help him4  
,the moment ,i try1 ,i run up against   
his disapproval1 and my  vulgar spirit  
revolts4 ,he's an aristocrat1 through   
and through4 ,he comes  and hoists his  
flag over a place4 ,i felt all yesterday

 as if ,i were a  rather unwelcome guest
 in his house1 you know4 ,it's a        
stifling atmosphere4  ,i can't breathe  
or speak1 because ,i instantly feel     
myself suspected of  crudity6 ,the truth
 is that ,gladwin thinks you can live   
upon light1 and  forgets that you also  
want air4    ,it seems rather a ghastly 
business1 ,i said4    ,yes1 said ,father
 ,payne1 it's a wretched business6 ,that
 combination of  great sensitiveness and
 great self-righteousness is the most   
melancholy  thing ,i know4 ,you have to 
get rid of one or the other--and yet    
that is how  ,gladwin is made4 ,now1 ,i 
have plenty of opinions of my own1 but  
,i don't  consider them final or        
absolute4 ,it ends1 of course1 in poor  
,gladwin  knowing about a hundredth part
 of what is going on in the world1 and  
thinking that it's d--d bad4 ,of course 
it is1 if you neglect the other         
ninety-nine parts altogether6           
,,xliv    ,,of ,,worship      ,it was   
one of those perfectly fine and radiant 

days of early summer1 with a  touch of  
easterly about the breeze1 which means  
perhaps a drier air1 and  always seems  
to bring out the true colours of our    
countryside1 as with a  touch of        
ethereal golden-tinged varnish4 ,the    
humid rain-washed days1 so  common in   
,england1 are beautiful enough1 with    
their rolling cloud-ranges  and their   
soft mistiness3 but the clear sparkle of
 this brighter weather1  summer without 
its haze1 intensifying each tone of     
colour and sharply  defining each       
several tint1 has a special beauty of   
form as well as of hue4    ,i walked    
with ,father ,payne far among the       
fields4 ,he was at first in a  silent   
mood1 observing and enjoying4 ,we passed
 a field carpeted with  buttercups1 and 
he said1 ,that's a beautiful touch1 'the
 flower-enamelled  field'--it isn't just
 washed with colour1 it is like hammered
 work of  beaten gold1 like the letters 
in old missals6 ,presently he burst out 
into  talk3 ,i don't want to say        

anything affected1 he began1 but a day  
like  this1 out in the country1 gives me
 a stronger feeling of what ,i can only 
describe as worship than anything else  
in the world1 because the  scene holds  
the beauty of life so firmly up before  
you4 ,worship means the  sense of the   
unmistakable presence of beauty1 ,i am  
sure--a beauty great and  overwhelming1 
which one has had no part in            
making--',the sea is ,his1 and ,he  made
 it1 and ,his hands prepared the dry    
land4 ,o come1 let us worship and  fall 
down1 and kneel before the ,lord our    
,maker'--it's that exactly--a sense  of 
joyful abasement in the presence of     
something great and infinitely          
beautiful4 ,i do wish that were more    
clearly stated and understood and       
believed4 ,religion1 as we know it in   
its technical sense1 is so              
faint-hearted about it all6 ,it has     
limited worship to things beautiful     
enough1 arches and music and ceremony3  
and it is so afraid of vagueness1 so    

considerate of man's feeble grasp and   
small outlook1 that it is afraid of     
recognising all the channels by which   
that sense is communicated1 for fear  of
 weakening a special effect4 ,i'll tell 
you two or three of the  experiences ,i 
mean4 ,you know old ,mrs4 ,chetwynd1 who
 is fading away in that  little cottage 
beyond the churchyard4 ,she is poor1    
old1 ill4 ,she can hardly  be said to   
have a single pleasure1 as you and ,i   
reckon pleasures4 ,she just  lies there 
in that poky room waiting for death1    
always absolutely patient  and          
affectionate and sweet-tempered1        
grateful for everything1 never saying  a
 hard or cross word4 ,well1 ,i go to see
 her sometimes--not as often as ,i      
ought4 ,she shakes hands with that old  
knotted-looking hand of hers which  has 
grown soft enough now after its endless 
labours4 ,she talks a  little--she is   
interested in all the news1 she doesn't 
regret things1 or  complain1 or think it
 hard that she can't be out and about4  

,after ,i have  been with her for two   
minutes1 with her bright old eyes       
looking at me out  of such a thicket1 so
 to speak1 of wrinkles1--her face simply
 hacked and  seamed by life1--,i feel   
myself in the presence of something very
 divine  indeed1--a perfectly pure1     
tender1 joyful1 human spirit1 suffering 
the last  extremity of discomfort and   
infirmity1 and yet entirely radiant and 
undimmed4 ,it is then that ,i feel      
inclined to kneel down before ,god1 and 
thank ,him humbly for having made and   
shown me so utterly beautiful a thing   
as that poor old woman's courage and    
sweetness4 ,i feel as ,i suppose the    
devout ,catholic feels before the       
reserved ,sacrament in the shrine--in   
the  presence of a divine mystery2 and  
,i rejoice silently that ,god is what   
,he  is1 and that ,i see ,him for once  
unveiled4    ,and then the sight of a   
happy and contented child1 kind and     
spirited and  affectionate1 like little 
,molly ,akers1 never making a fuss1 or  

seeming to  want things for herself1 or 
cross1 or tiresome--that gives me the   
same  feeling6 ,then flowers often give 
me the same feeling1 with their         
cleanness  and fresh beauty and pure    
outline and sweet scent--so useless in a
 way1  often so unregarded1 and yet so  
content just to be what they are1 so    
apart  from every stain and evil        
passion4    ,and then in the middle of  
that you see a man like ,barlow         
stumbling home  tipsy to his frightened 
wife and children1 or you read a bad    
case in the  papers1 or a letter from a 
man of virtue finding fault with        
everybody and  slinging pious           
,billingsgate about3 or ,i lose my own  
temper about something1  and feel ,i    
have made a hash of my life--and then ,i
 wonder what is the foul  poison that   
has got into things1 and what is the    
dismal ugliness that seems  smeared all 
over life1 so that the soul seems like a
 beautiful bird caught  in a slime-pit1 
and trying to struggle out1 with its    

pinions fouled and  dabbled1 wondering  
miserably what it has done to be so     
filthily hampered4    ,he stopped for a 
minute1 and ,i could see that his eyes  
were full of tears4    ,it is no good   
giving up the game6 he said4 ,we are in 
the devil of a  mess1 no doubt3 and even
 if we try our best to avoid it1 we dip 
into the  slime sometimes6 ,but we must 
hold fast to the beautiful things1 and  
be on  the look-out for them everywhere4
 ,not shut our eyes in a rapture of     
sentiment1 and think that we can3       
',walk all day1 like the ,sultan of old1
 in a garden         of spice6'    ,that
 won't do1 of course6 ,we can't get out 
of it like that6 ,but we must  never    
allow ourselves to doubt the beauty and 
goodness of ,god1 or make any  mistake  
about which side ,he is on4 ,the marvel 
of dear old ,mrs4 ,chetwynd is  just    
that beauty has triumphed1 in spite of  
everything4 ,with every kind of         
trouble1 every temptation to be         
dispirited and spiteful and wretched1   

that  fine spirit has got through--and1 
by ,george1 ,i envy her the awakening1  
when  that sweet old soul slips away    
from the cage where she is caught1 and  
goes  straight to the arms of ,god6     
,he turned away from me as he said this1
 and ,i could see that he struggled     
with a sob4 ,then he looked at me with a
 smile1 and put his arm in mine4  ,old  
man1 he said1 ,i oughtn't to behave like
 this--but a day like this1  when the   
world looks as it was meant to look1 and
 as1 please ,god1 it  will look more and
 more1 goes to my heart6 ,i seem to see 
what ,god  desires1 and what ,he can't  
bring about yet1 for all ,his pains4    
,and ,i want  to help ,him1 if ,i can6  
',we too6 ,we ask no pledge of grace1   
,no rain of fire1 no heaven-hung sign4  
,thy need is written on ,thy face--     
,take ,thou our help1 as we take        
,thine6'    ,that's what ,i mean by     
worship--the desire to be used in the   
service  of a ,power that longs to make 
things pure and happy1 with groanings   

that  cannot be uttered4 ,the worst of  
some kinds of worship is that they drug 
you  with a sort of lust for beauty1    
which makes you afraid to go back and   
pick  up your spade4 ,we mustn't swoon  
in happiness or delight1 but if we say  
',take me1 use me1 let me help6' it is  
different1 because we want to share     
whatever is given us1 to hand it on1 not
 to pile it up4 ,of course it's  little 
enough that we can do3 but think of old 
,mrs4 ,chetwynd again--what  has she to 
give8 ,yet it is more than ,solomon in  
all his beauty had to  offer4 ,we must  
be simple1 we mustn't be ambitious4 ,do 
you remember the old  statesman who1    
praising a disinterested man1 said that 
he was that rare and  singular type of  
man who did public work for the sake of 
the public8 ,that's  what ,i want you to
 do--that is what a writer can do4 ,he  
can remind the  world of beauty and     
simplicity and purity4 ,he can be 'a    
messenger1 an  interpreter1 one among a 
thousand1 to show unto man his          

uprightness6' ,that's what you have got 
to do1 old boy6 ,don't show unto  man   
his nastiness--don't show him up6 ,keep 
on reminding him of what he  really is  
or can be4    ,he went on after a       
moment4 ,i ought not to talk like this1 
he said1  because ,i have failed all    
along the line4 ',i put in my thumb and 
pull out  a plum1' like ,jack ,homer4 ,i
 try a little to hand it on1 but it is  
awfully  nice1 you know1 that plum6 ,i  
don't pretend it isn't4    ,why1        
,father1 ,i said1 much moved at his kind
 sincerity1 ,i don't know  anyone in the
 world who eats fewer of his plums than 
you6    ,ah1 that's a friendly word6    
said ,father ,payne4 ,but you can't     
count the  plum-stones on my plate4     
,we did not say much after this4 ,we    
walked back in the summer twilight1 and 
my mind began to stir and soar1 as      
indeed it often did when ,father ,payne 
showed me his heart in all its strength 
and cleanness4 ,no one whom ,i ever  met
 had his power of lighting a flame of   

pure desire and beautiful  hopefulness1 
in the fire of which all that was base  
and mean seemed to  shrivel away4       
,,xlv    ,,of ,a ,,change ,,of          
,,religion      ,i was walking one day  
with ,father ,payne2 he said to me1 ,i  
have been  reading ,newman's ,apologia  
over again--,i must have read it a dozen
  times6 ,it is surely one of the most  
beautiful and singular books in the     
whole world8--and ,i think that the     
strangest sentence in it is this1--',who
  would ever dream of making the world  
his confidant8' ,did ,newman1 do you    
suppose1 not realise that he had done   
that8 ,and what is stranger still1 did  
he not know that he had told the world1 
not the trivial things1 the little      
tastes and fancies which anyone might   
hear1 but the most intimate and  sacred 
things1 which a man would hardly dare to
 say to ,god upon his knees4  ,newman   
seems to me in that book to have torn   
out his beating and  palpitating heart1 
and set it in a crystal phial for all   

the world to gaze  upon4 ,and further1  
did ,newman really not know that this   
was what he always  desired to do and   
mostly did--to confide in the world1 to 
tell his story as  a child might tell it
 to a mother8 ,it is clear to me that   
,newman was a man  who did not only     
desire to be loved by a few friends1 but
 wished everybody  to love him4 ,i will 
not say that he was never happy till he 
had told his  tale1 and ,i will not say 
that artist-like he loved applause3 but 
he did  not wish to be hidden1 and he   
earnestly desired to be approved4 ,he   
craved to be allowed to say what he     
thought--it is pathetic to hear him say 
so often how 'fierce' he was--and yet he
 hated suspicion and hostility and      
misunderstanding3 and though he loved a 
refined sort of quiet1 he even more     
loved1 ,i think1 to be the centre of a  
fuss6 ,i feel little doubt in my own    
mind that1 even when he was living most 
retired1 he wished people to be  curious
 about what he was doing4 ,he was one of

 those men who felt he had a  special   
mission1 a prophetical function4 ,he was
 a dramatic creature1 a  performer1 you 
know4 ,he read the lessons like an      
actor3 he preached like an  actor2 he   
was intensely self-conscious4 ,naturally
 enough6 ,if you feel like  a prophet1  
the one sign of failure is that your    
audience melts away4    ,father ,payne  
paused a moment1 lost in thought4       
,but1 ,i said1 do you mean that ,newman 
calculated all his effects8    ,oh1 not 
deliberately1 said ,father ,payne1 but  
he was an artist pure and  simple--he   
was never less by himself than when he  
was alone1 as the old  ,provost of      
,oriel said of him4 ,he lived           
dramatically by a kind of instinct4     
,the unselfconscious man goes his own   
way1 and does not bother his head  about
 other people3 but ,newman was not like 
that4 ,when he was reading1 it  was     
always like the portrait of a student   
reading4 ,that's the artist's  way--he  
is always living in a sort of           

picture-frame4 ,why1 you can see from   
the ,apologia1 which he wrote in a few  
weeks1 and often1 as he once  said1 in  
tears1 how tenderly and eagerly he      
remembered all he had ever done  or     
thought4 ,his descriptions of himself   
are always romantic3 he lived in        
memories1 like all poets4    ,but that  
gives one a disagreeable sense of       
unreality--of pose1 ,i said4    ,ah1 but
 that's very short-sighted1 said ,father
 ,payne4 ,newman's was a  beautiful     
spirit--wonderfully tender-hearted1     
self-restrained1 gentle1  sensitive1    
beauty-loving4 ,he loved beauty as much 
as any man who ever  lived--beautiful   
conduct1 beautiful life--and then his   
gift of expression6  ,there's a         
marvellous thing4 ,it's pure poetry1    
most of the ,apologia3  look at the way 
he flashes into metaphor1 at his        
exquisite pictures of  persons1 at his  
irony1 his courtesy1 his humour1 his    
pathos4 ,he and ,ruskin  knew exactly   
how to confide in the world1 how to     

humiliate themselves  gracefully in     
public1 how to laugh at themselves1 how 
to be gay--it's all  so well-bred1 so   
delicate6 ,depend upon it1 that's the   
way to make the world  love you--to tell
 it all about yourself like a charming  
child1 without any  boasting or         
bragging4 ,the world is awfully stupid6 
,it adores well-bred  egotism4 ,we are  
all deeply inquisitive about people2 and
 if you can  reveal yourself without    
vanity1 and are a lovable creature1 the 
world will  overwhelm you with love4    
,you can't pay the world a greater      
compliment than  to open your heart to  
it4 ,you must not bore it1 of course1   
nor must you  seem to be demanding its  
applause4 ,you must just seem to be in  
need of  sympathy and comfort4 ,you must
 be a little sad1 a little tired1 a     
little  bewildered4 ,i don't say that is
 easy to do1 and a man must not set out 
to  do it4 ,but if a man has got        
something childlike and innocent about  
him1 and  a nave way with him1 the world

 will take him to its heart4 ,the world 
loves  to pity1 to compassionate1 to    
sympathise1 much more than it loves to  
admire4    ,but what about the religious
 side of it all8 ,i said4    ,ah1 said  
,father ,payne1 ,i think that is more   
touching still4 ,the people  who change 
their religion1 as it is called1--there 
is something extremely  captivating     
about them as a rule4 ,to want to change
 your form of religion  simply means    
that you are unhappy and uneasy4 ,you   
want more beauty1 or more  assurance1 or
 more sympathy1 or more antiquity4 ,have
 you never noticed how  all converts    
personify their new ,church in feminine 
terms8 ,she becomes a  ,madonna1        
something at once motherly and young4   
,it is the passion with which  the child
 turns away from what is male and rough1
 to the mother1 the nurse1  the elder   
sister4 ,the convert isn't really in    
search of dogmas and  doctrines3 he is  
in love with a presence1 a shape1       
something which can  clasp and embrace  

and love him4 ,i don't feel any real    
doubt of that4 ,the  man who turns away 
to some other form of faith wants a     
home4 ,he sees the  ugliness1 the spite1
 the malice1 the contentiousness of his 
own ,church4 ,he  loathes the hardness  
and uncharitableness of it2 he is like a
 boy at school  sick for home4 ,to me   
,newman's logic is like the effort of a 
man desperately  constructing a bridge  
to escape to the other side of the      
river4 ,the land  beyond is like a      
landscape seen from a hill1 a scene of  
woods and waters1  of fields and        
hamlets--everything seems peaceful and  
idyllic there4 ,he  wants the wings of a
 dove1 to flee away and be at rest4 ,it 
is the same  feeling which makes people 
wish to travel4 ,when you travel1 the   
new land is  a spectacular thing--it is 
all a picture4 ,it is not that you crave
 to live  in a foreign land3 you merely 
want the luxury of seeing life without  
living  life4 ,no ordinary person goes  
to live in ,italy because he has studied

 the  political constitution and        
organisation of ,italy1 and prefers it  
to that of  ,england4 ,so1 too1 the     
charm of a religious conversion is that 
it doesn't  seem unpatriotic to do      
it--but you get the feel of a new       
country without  having to quit your    
own4 ,and the essence of it is a flight 
from conditions  which you dread and    
dislike4 ,of course ,newman does not    
describe it so--that  is all a part of  
his guilelessness--he speaks of the     
shadow of a hand upon  the wall3 but ,i 
don't doubt that his subconscious mind  
thrilled with the  sense of a possible  
escape that way4 ,his heart was         
converted long before  his mind4 ,what  
he hated in the ,english ,church was    
having to decide for  himself--he wanted
 to lean on something1 to put himself   
inside a  stronghold3 he wanted to obey4
 ,some people dislike the way in which  
he made  himself obey1--the way he      
argued himself into holding things which
 were  frankly irrational4 ,but ,i don't

 mind that6 ,it is the pleasure of the  
child  in being told what to do instead 
of having to amuse itself4    ,he was   
silent for a little1 and then he said3  
,i see it all so clearly1 and  yet of   
course it is in a sense inconceivable to
 me1 because to my mind all  the        
,churches have got a burden of belief   
which they can't carry4 ,the ,gospel  is
 simple enough1 and it is as much as ,i 
can do to live on those lines4          
,besides1 ,i don't want to obey--,i want
 to obey as little as ,i can6 ,the      
ecclesiastical and the theological      
tradition is all a world of shadows to  
me4 ,i can't be bound by the pious      
fancies of men who knew no science1 and 
very little about evidence of any kind4 
,what ,i want is just a simple and      
beautiful principle of living1 such as  
,i feel thrills through the words of    
,christ4 ,the ,prodigal ,son--that's    
almost enough for me6 ,it is            
simplification  that ,i want1 and       
independence4 ,of course ,i see that if 

that isn't what a  man wants1 if he     
requires that something or someone      
should be infallible1  then he does     
require a good deal of argument and     
information and history4  ,but though ,i
 don't object to people who want all    
that1 it isn't what ,i am  in search of4
 ,i want as much strong emotion and as  
little system as ,i can  get4 ,by       
emotion ,i don't mean sentiment1 but    
real motives for acting or not  acting4 
,i want to hear someone saying1 ',come  
up hither1' and to see  something in his
 face which makes me believe he sees    
something that ,i don't  see and that ,i
 wish to see4 ,i don't feel that with   
,newman6 ,he is fifty  times better than
 myself1 but ,i couldn't do the thing in
 his way1 though ,i  love him with all  
my heart3 it's a quiet sort of          
brotherhood that ,i want1  and not too  
many rules4 ,in fact1 it is laws ,i     
want1 and not  rules1 and to feel the   
laws rather than to know them1 ,i can't 
help  feeling that ,newman spent too    

much of his time in the law-court1      
pleading  and arguing3 and it's stuffy  
in there6 ,but he will remain for ever  
one of  those figures whom the world    
will love1 because it can pity him as   
well as  admire him4 ,newman goes to    
one's head1 you know1 or to one's heart6
 ,and ,i  expect that it was exactly    
what he wanted to do all the time6      
,,xlvi    ,,of ,,affection      ,father 
,payne1 on our walks1 invariably stopped
 and spoke to animals4 ,i will  not say 
that animals were always fond of him1   
because that is a privilege  confined to
 saints1 and heroes of romantic legends4
 ,but they generally  responded to his  
advances4 ,it used to amuse me to hear  
the way he used to  talk to animals4 ,he
 would stop to whistle to a caged bird3 
,you like your  little prison1 don't    
you1 sweet8 he would say4 ,or he would  
apostrophise a  cat1 ,well1 ,ma'am1 you 
must find it wearing to carry on your   
expeditions  all night1 and to live the 
life of a domestic saint all day8 ,i    

asked him  once why he did not keep a   
dog1 when he was so fond of animals4    
,oh1 ,i  couldn't1 he said2 it is so    
dreadful when dogs get old and ill1 and 
when  they die6 ,it's sentiment1 too2   
and ,i can't afford to multiply         
emotions--there are too many as it is6  
,besides1 there is something rather     
terrible to me about the affection of a 
dog--it's so unreasonable a  devotion1  
and ,i like more critical affections--,i
 prefer to earn affection6  ,i read     
somewhere the other day1 he went on1    
that it might easily be  argued that the
 dog was a higher flight of nature even 
than man2 that man  has gone ahead in   
mind and inventiveness2 but that the dog
 is on the whole  the better ,christian1
 because he does by instinct what man   
fails to do by  intention--he is so     
sympathetic1 so unresentful1 so         
trustful6 ,it is really  amazing1 if you
 come to think of it1 the dog's power of
 attachment to  another species4 ,we    
must seem very mysterious to dogs1 and  

yet they never  question our right to   
use them as we will1 while nothing      
shakes their love4  ,and then there is  
something wonderful in the way in which 
the dog1 however  old he is1 always     
wants to play4 ,most animals part with  
that after their  first youth2 but a dog
 plays1 partly for the fun of it1 and   
partly to make  sure that you like his  
company and are happy4 ,and yet it is a 
little  undignified to care for people  
like that1 you know6    ,how ought one  
to care for people8 ,i said4    ,ah1    
that's a large question1 said ,father   
,payne1 the duty of loving--it's  a     
contradiction in terms6 ,to love people 
seems the one thing in the world  you   
cannot do because you ought to do it2   
and yet to love your neighbour as       
yourself can't only mean to behave as if
 you loved him4 ,and  then1 what does   
caring about people mean8 ,it seems     
impossible to say4 ,it  isn't that you  
want anything which they can give       
you--it isn't that they  need anything  

you can give them2 it isn't always even 
that you want to see  them4 ,there are  
people for whom ,i care who rather bore 
me2 there are people  who care for me   
who bore me to extinction2 and again    
there are people whose  company ,i like 
for whom ,i don't care4 ,it isn't always
 by any means that ,i  admire the people
 for whom ,i care4 ,i see their faults1 
,i don't want to  resemble them4 ,then1 
too1 there have been people for whom ,i 
have cared very  much1 and wanted to    
please1 who have not cared in the least 
for me4 ,some of  the best-loved people 
in the world seem to have had very      
little love to  give away6 ,i have a    
sort of feeling that the people who     
evoke most  affection are the people who
 have something of the child always in  
them--something petulant1 wilful1       
self-absorbed1 claiming sympathy and    
attention4 ,it is a certain innocence   
and freshness that we love1 ,i think2   
the quality that seems to say1 ',oh1 do 
make me happy'2 and ,i think that       

caring for people generally means just  
that you would like to make them  happy1
 or that they have it in their power to 
make you happy4 ,i think it is  a kind  
of conspiracy to be happy together1 if  
possible4 ,probably the  mistake we make
 is to think it is one definite thing1  
when a good many  things go to make it  
up4 ,i have been interested in a very   
large number of  people--in fact1 ,i am 
generally interested in people2 but ,i  
haven't cared  for all of them1 while ,i
 have cared for a good many people in   
whom ,i have  not been at all           
interested4 ,but it is easier to say    
what the qualities are  that repel      
affection1 than what the qualities are  
which attract it4 ,i don't  think any   
faults prevent it1 if people are sorry  
for their faults and are  sorry to have 
hurt you4 ,it seems to me impossible to 
care for spiteful  people1 or for the   
people who turn on you in a sudden      
anger1 and don't want  to be forgiven1  
but are glad to have made you fear them4

 ,i don't care for  people who claim    
affection as a right1 or who bargain for
 sacrifices4 ,the  bargaining element   
must be wholly absent from affection4   
,the feeling 'it is  your turn to be    
nice' is fatal to it4 ,no1 ,i think that
 it is a feeling that  you can live at  
peace with the particular person that is
 the basis of  friendship4 ,the element 
of reproach must be wholly absent3 ,i   
don't mean the  element of              
criticism--that can be impersonal--but  
the feeling 'you ought  not to behave   
like this to me4'    ,father ,payne     
relapsed into silence4 ,but1 ,i said1   
surely the people who  make claims for  
affection are very often most beloved1  
even when they are  unjust1             
inconsiderate1 ill-tempered8    ,by     
women1 said ,father ,payne1 but not by  
men--and there's another  difficulty4   
,men and women mean such utterly        
different things by affection1  that    
they can't even discuss it together4    
,women will do anything for you1  if you

 claim their help1 and make it clear    
that you need them2 they will  love you 
if you do that4 ,a man1 on the other    
hand1 will often do his very  best to   
help you1 if you appeal to him1 but he  
won't care for you1 as a  rule1 in      
consequence4 ,women like emotional      
surprises1 men do not4 ,a man  wants to 
get done with excitement1 and to enter  
on an easy  partnership--women like the 
excitement more than the ease4 ,and then
 it is  all complicated by the admixture
 of the masculine and feminine          
temperaments4 ,as a rule1 however1 women
 are interested in moody  temperaments1 
and men are bored by them4 ,personally1 
my own pleasure in  meeting a real      
friend1 or in hearing from a friend1 is 
the pleasure of  feeling ',yes1 you are 
there1 just the same1'--it's the        
tranquillity that  one values4 ,the     
possibility of finding a man angry or   
pettish is unpleasant  to me4 ,i feel   
'so all this nonsense has to be cleared 
away again6' ,i don't  want to be       

questioned and scrutinised1 with a sense
 that ,i am on my trial4  ,i don't mind 
an ironical letter1 which shows that a  
friend is fully aware  of my faults and 
foibles2 but it's an end of all         
friendship with me if ,i  feel a man is 
bent on improving me1 especially if it  
is for his own  convenience4 ,i'm sure  
that the fault-finding element is fatal 
to affection4  ,that may sound weak1 but
 ,i can't be made to feel that ,i am    
responsible to  other people4 ,i don't  
recognise anyone's right to censure me4 
,a man may  criticise me if he likes1   
but he mustn't impose upon me the duty  
of living  up to his ideal4 ,i don't    
believe that even ,god does that6    ,i 
don't understand1 ,i said4    ,well1    
said ,father ,payne1 ,i don't believe   
that ,god says1 ',this is my law1  and  
you must obey it because ,i choose1 ,i  
believe ,he says1 ',this is the  law1   
for ,me as well as for you1 and you will
 not be happy till you obey  it1'--,yes1
 ,i have got it1 ,i believe--the essence

 of affection is  equality4 ,i don't    
mean that you may not recognise         
superiorities in  your friend1 and he in
 you2 but they must not come into the   
question of  affection4 ,love makes     
equal1 and when there is a real sense of
 equality1  love can begin4    ,but1 ,i 
said1 the passion of lovers--isn't that 
all based on the worship  of something  
infinitely superior to oneself8    ,yes1
 said ,father ,payne1 but that means a  
sight of something beyond--of  the thing
 which we all love--beauty4 ,i don't say
 that equality is the thing  we         
love--it's only the condition of loving4
 ,the lover can't love1 if he  feels    
himself really unworthy of love4 ,he    
must believe that at worst  he can be   
loved1 though he may be astonished at   
being loved2 it is  in love that it is  
possible to meet2 it is love that brings
 beauty within  your reach1 or down1 to 
your level4 ,it is beauty that you love 
in your  friend1 not his right to       
improve you4 ,he is what you want to be2

 and the  comfort of being loved is the 
comfort of feeling that there is some   
touch  of the same beauty in yourself4  
,it is so easy to feel dreary1 stupid1  
commonplace--and then someone appears1  
and you see in his glance and talk  that
 there is1 after all1 some touch of the 
same thing in yourself which  you love  
in him1 some touch of the beauty which  
you love in ,god4 ,but the  glory of    
beauty is that it is concerned with     
being beautiful and becoming            
beautiful--not in mocking or despising  
or finding fault or improving4 ,love  is
 the finding your friend beautiful in   
mind and heart1 and the joy of  being   
loved is the sense that you are         
beautiful to him--that you are equal  in
 that6 ,when you once know that1 little 
quarrels and frictions do not           
matter--what does matter is the         
recognising of some ugly thing which    
the man whom you thought was your friend
 really clings to and worships4  ,faults
 do not matter if only the friend is    

aware of them1 and ashamed of  them3 it 
is the self-conscious fault1 proud of   
its power to wound1 and  using affection
 as the channel along which the         
envenomed stream may flow1  which       
destroys affection and trust4    ,then  
it comes to this1 ,i said1 that         
affection is a mutual recognition of    
beauty and a sense of equality8    ,it  
is that1 more or less1 ,i believe1 said 
,father ,payne4 ,i don't  mean that     
friends need be aware of that--you need 
not philosophise about  your            
friendships--but if you ask me1 as an   
analyst1 what it all consists  in1 ,i   
believe that those are the essential    
elements of it--and ,i believe  that it 
holds good of the dog-and-man friendship
 as well6        ,,xlvii    ,,of        
,,respect ,,of ,,persons      ,father   
,payne had been out to luncheon one day 
with some neighbours4 ,he had  groaned  
over the prospect the day before1 and   
had complained that such  goings-on     
unsettled him4    ,well1 ,father1 said  

,rose at dinner1 so you have got through
 your ordeal6  ,was it very bad8        
,bad6 said ,father ,payne1 why should it
 be bad8 ,i'm crammed with              
impressions--,i'm a perfect mine of     
them4    ,but you didn't like the       
prospect of going8 said ,rose4    ,no1  
said ,father ,payne1 ,i shrank from the 
strain--you phlegmatic1  aristocratic   
people1--men-of-the-world1 blass1       
highly-born and  highly-placed1--have no
 conception of the strain these things  
are on a  child of nature4 ,you are used
 to such things1 ,rose1 no doubt--you do
 not  anticipate a luncheon-party with a
 mixture of curiosity and gloom4 ,but it
  is good for me to go to such          
affairs--it is like a waterbreak in a   
stream--it aerates and agitates the     
mind4 ,but you don't realise the  amount
 of observation ,i bring to bear on such
 an event--the strange house1  the      
unfamiliar food1 the new inscrutable    
people--everything has to be  observed1 
dealt with1 if possible accounted for1  

and if unaccountable1 then  inflexibly  
faced and recollected4 ,a torrent of    
impressions has poured in  upon me--to  
say nothing of the anxious consideration
 beforehand of topics  of conversation1 
and modes of investigation6 ,to stay in 
a new house crushes  me with            
fatigue--and even a little party like   
this1 which seems1 ,i daresay1  to some 
of you1 a negligible1 even a tedious    
thing1 is to me rich in  far-flung      
experience4    ,mayn't we have the      
benefit of some of it8 said ,rose4      
,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 you may--you 
must1 indeed6 ,i am grateful to you  for
 introducing the subject--it is more    
graceful than if ,i had simply  divested
 myself of my impressions unsolicited4  
,what was it all about8 said ,rose4     
,why1 said ,father ,payne1 the answer to
 that is simple enough--it was to  meet 
an ,american6 ,i know that race6 ,who   
but an ,american would have heard of    
our little experiment here1 and not only
 wanted to know--they all do  that--but 

positively arranged to know8 ,yes1 he   
was a hard-featured man--a  man of      
wealth1 ,i imagine--from some place1 the
 grotesque and extravagant  name of     
which ,i could not even accurately      
retain1 in the ,state of  ,minnesota4   
,did he want to try a similar           
experiment8 said ,barthrop4    ,he did  
not1 said ,father ,payne4 ,i gathered   
that he had no such  intention--but he  
desired to investigate ours4 ,he was    
full of compliments1  of information1   
even of rhetoric4 ,i have seldom heard a
 simple case stated  more emphatically1 
or with such continuous emphasis4 ,my   
mind simply reeled  before it4 ,he      
pursued me as a harpooner might pursue a
 whale4 ,he had the  whole thing out of 
me in no time4 ,he interrogated me as a 
corkscrew  interrogates a cork4 ,that   
consumed the whole of luncheon4 ,i made 
a poor  show4 ,my experiment1 such as it
 is1 stood none of the tests he applied 
to  it4 ,it appeared to be lacking in   
all earnestness and zeal4 ,i was        

painfully  conscious of my lack of      
earnestness4 ',well1 sir1' he said at   
the conclusion  of my                   
examination-in-chief1 ',i seem to detect
 that this business of yours  is        
conducted mainly with a view to your own
 entertainment1 and ,i admit that  it   
causes me considerable disappointment4' 
,the fact is1 my boys1 said  ,father    
,payne1 surveying the table1 that we    
must be more conscious of  higher aims  
here1 and we must put them on a more    
commercial footing6    ,but that was not
 all8 said ,barthrop4    ,no1 it was not
 all1 said ,father ,payne2 and1 to tell 
you the truth1 ,i was  more alarmed by  
than interested in the ,minnesota       
merchant4 ,i couldn't state  my case--,i
 failed in that--and ,i very much doubt 
if ,i could have convinced  him that    
there was anything in it4 ,indeed1 he   
said that my conceptions of  culture    
were not as clear-cut as he had hoped4  
,he seems to have been fairly frank1    
said ,rose4    ,he was frank1 but not   

uncivil1 said ,father ,payne4 ,he did   
not deride my  absence of definiteness1 
he only deplored it4 ,but ,i really got 
more out of  the subsequent talk4 ,we   
adjourned to a sort of portico1 a pretty
 place  looking on to a formal garden3  
it was really very charmingly done--a   
clever  fake of an1 old garden1 but with
 nothing really beautiful about it4 ,it 
looked as if no one had ever lived in   
it1 though the illusion of age was      
skilfully contrived--old paving-stones1 
old bricks1 old lead vases1 but all     
looking as if they were shy1 and had    
only been just introduced to each       
other4 ,there was no harmony of use     
about it4 ,but the talk--that was the   
amazing thing6 ,such pleasant           
intelligent people1 nice smiling women1 
courteous grizzled men4 ,by ,jove1 there
 wasn't a single writer or artist or    
musician that they didn't seem to know  
intimately6 ,it was a literary party1   
,i gathered3 but even so there was a    
haze of politics and society about      

it--vistas of politicians and personages
 of every kind1 all known  intimately1  
all of them quoted1 everything heard and
 whispered in the  background of        
events--we had no foregrounds1 ,i can   
tell you1 nothing  second-hand1 no      
concealments or reticences4 ,everyone in
 the world worth  knowing seemed to have
 confided their secrets to that group4  
,it was a  privilege1 ,i can tell you6  
,we simply swam in influences and       
authenticities4  ,i seemed to be in the 
innermost shrine of the world's         
forces--where they  get the steam up1   
you know6    ,but who are these people1 
after all8 said ,rose4    ,my dear      
,rose6 said ,father ,payne4 ,you mustn't
 destroy my illusions in  that majestic 
manner6 ,what would ,i not have given to
 be able to ask myself  that question6  
,to me they were simply the innermost   
circle1 to whom the  writers and artists
 of the day told their dreams1 and from 
whom they sought  encouragement and     
sympathy4 ,that was enough for me4 ,i   

stored my memory with  anecdotes and    
noble names1 like the man in ,pride and 
,prejudice4    ,but what did it all come
 to8 said ,rose4    ,well1 said ,father 
,payne1 to tell you the truth1 it didn't
 amount to very  much6 ,at the time ,i  
was dazzled and stupefied--but          
subsequent reflection  has convinced me 
that the cooking was better than the    
food1 so to speak4    ,you mean that it 
was mostly humbug8 said ,rose4    ,well1
 ,i wouldn't go quite as far as that1   
said ,father ,payne1 but it was  not    
very nutritive--no1 the nutriment was   
lacking6 ,come1 ,i'll tell you  frankly 
what ,i did think1 as ,i came away4 ,i  
thought these pretty people  very       
adventurous1 very quick1 very friendly4 
,but ,i don't truly think they  were    
interested in the real thing at         
all--only interested in the words of    
the wise1 and in the unconsidered       
trifles of the ,major ,prophets1 so to  
speak4 ,i didn't think it exactly       
pretentious--but they obviously only    

cared  for people of established        
reputation4 ,they didn't admire the     
ideas behind1  only the reputations of  
the people who said the things4 ,they   
had  undoubtedly seen and heard the     
great people--,i confess it amazed me to
  think how easily the men of mark can  
be exploited--but ,i did not discern    
that they cared about the things        
represented1--only about the            
representatives4 ,the ,american was     
different4 ,he1 ,i think1 cared about   
the  ideas1 though he cared about them  
in the wrong way4 ,i mean that he       
claimed  to find everything distinct1   
whereas the big things are naturally    
indistinct4 ,they loom up in a shadowy  
way1 and the ,american was examining    
them through field-glasses4 ,but my     
other friends seemed to me to be only   
interested in the people who had the    
entre1 so to speak--the priests of  the 
shrine4 ,they had noticed everything    
that doesn't matter about the high  and 
holy ones--how they looked1 spoke1      

dressed1 behaved4 ,it was awfully       
clever1 some of it2 one of the women    
imitated ,legard the essayist down to   
the ground--the way he pontificates1 you
 know--but nothing else4 ,they were     
simply interested in the great men1 and 
not interested in what make the  great  
men different from other people1 but    
simply in their resemblance to  other   
people4 ,even great people have to eat1 
you know6 ,legard himself eats1  though 
it's a leisurely process2 and this woman
 imitated the way he forked  up a bit1  
held it till the bit dropped off1 and   
put the empty fork into his  mouth4 ,it 
was excruciatingly funny--,i'll admit   
that4 ,but they missed the  point1 after
 all4 ,they didn't care about ,legard's 
books a bit--they cared  much more about
 that funny cameo ring he wears on his  
tie6    ,it all seems to me horribly    
vulgar1 said ,kaye4    ,no1 it was no   
more vulgar than a dance of gnats1 said 
,father ,payne4 ,they  were all alive1  
those people4 ,they were just gnats1 now

 ,i come to think of  it6 ,they had     
stung all the great men of the day--even
 drawn a little  blood--and they were   
intoxicated by it4 ,mind1 ,i don't say  
that it is worth  doing1 that kind of   
thing6 ,but they were having their      
fun--and the only  mistake they made was
 in thinking they cared about these     
people for the  right reasons4 ,no1 the 
only really rueful part of the business 
was the  revelation to me of what the   
great people can put up with1 in the way
 of  being fted1 and the extent to which
 they seem able to give themselves away 
to these pretty women4 ,it must be      
enervating1 ,i think1 and even          
exhausting1  to be so pawed and         
caressed2 but it's natural enough1 and  
if it amuses  them1 ,i'm not going to   
find fault4 ,my only fear is that       
,legard and the rest  think they are    
really living with these people4 ,they  
are not doing  that2 they are only being
 roped in for the fun of the            
performance4 ,these  charming ladies    

just ensnare the big people1 make them  
chatter1 and then  get together1 as they
 did to-day1 and compare the locks of   
hair they have  snipped from their      
,samsons4 ,but it isn't a bit           
malicious--it's simply  childish2 and1  
by ,jove1 ,i enjoyed myself             
tremendously4 ,now1 don't pull a  long  
face1 ,kaye6 ,of course it was very     
cheap--and ,i don't say that anyone     
ought to enjoy that sort of thing enough
 to pursue it4 ,but if it comes in  my  
way1 why1 it is like a dish of          
sweetmeats6 ,i don't approve of it1 but 
it  was like a story out of ,boccaccio1 
full of life and zest1 even though the  
pestilence was at work down in the city4
 ,we must not think ill of life too     
easily6 ,i don't say that these people  
are living what is called the highest   
life4 ,but1 after all1 ,i only saw them 
amusing themselves4 ,there were some    
children about1 nice children1 sensibly 
dressed1 well-behaved1 full of go1  and 
yet properly drilled4 ,these women are  

good wives and good mothers2 and  ,i    
expect they have both spirit and        
tenderness1 when either is wanted4 ,i'm 
not going to bemoan their               
light-mindedness2 at all events1 ,i     
thought it was  very pleasant1 and they 
were very good to me4 ,they saw ,i      
wasn't a  first-hander or a             
thoroughbred1 and they made it easy for 
me4 ,no1 it was a  happy time for       
me--and1 by ,george1 how they fed us6 ,i
 expect the women  looked after all     
that4 ,i daresay that1 as far as        
economics go1 it was all  wrong1 and    
that these people are only a sort of    
scum on the surface of  society4 ,but it
 is a pretty scum1 shot with bright     
colours4 ,anyhow1 it is  no good        
beginning by trying to alter them6 ,if  
you could alter  everything else1 they  
would fall into line1 because they are  
good-humoured  and sensible4 ,and as    
long as people are kindly and full of   
life1 ,i shall  not complain2 ,i would  
rather have that than a dreary          

high-mindedness4    ,father ,payne rose4
 ,oh1 do go on1 ,father6 said someone4  
,no1 my boy1 said ,father ,payne1 ,i'm  
boiling over with impressions--rooms1   
carpets1 china1 flowers1 ladies'        
dresses6 ,but that must all settle down 
a  bit4 ,in a few days ,i'll interrogate
 my memory1 like ,wordsworth1 and see if
  there is anything of permanent worth  
there6        ,,xlviii    ,,of          
,,ambiguity      ,father ,payne had been
 listening to some work of mine3 and he 
said at the  end1 ,that is graceful     
enough1 and rather attractive--but it   
has a great  fault3 it is sometimes     
ambiguous4 ,several of your sentences   
can have more  than one meaning4 ,i     
remember once at ,oxford1 he said1      
smiling1 that  ,collins1 one of our     
lecturers1 had been going through a     
translation-paper  with me1 and had told
 me three quite distinct ways of        
rendering a sentence1  each backed by a 
great scholar4 ,i asked him1 ,i         
remember1 whether that meant  that the  

original writer--it was ,livy1 ,i       
think--had been in any doubt as to  what
 his words were meant to convey4 ,he    
laughed1 and said1 ',no1 ,i don't       
imagine that ,livy intended to make his 
meaning obscure4 ,i expect1 if we  took 
the passage to him with the three       
renderings1 he would deride at least    
two of them1 and possibly all three1 and
 would point out that we simply did  not
 know the usage of some word or phrase  
which would have been absolutely  clear 
to a contemporary reader1' ,but ,collins
 went on to say that there  might also  
be a real ambiguity about the passage3  
and then he quoted the  supposed remark 
of the bishop who declined to wear      
gaiters1 and said1 ',i  shall wear no   
clothes to distinguish myself from my   
fellow-,christians4'  ,this was printed 
in his biography1 ',i shall wear no     
clothes1 to distinguish  myself from my 
fellow-,christians4' ',that sentence may
 be fairly called  ambiguous1' ,collins 
said1 'when its sense so much depends   

upon  punctuation4'    ,now1 ,father    
,payne went on1 you must remember1 in   
writing1 that you write  for the eye1   
you don't write for the ear4 ,a book    
isn't primarily meant to  be read aloud3
 and you mustn't resort to tricks of    
emphasis1 such as  italics and so forth1
 which can only be rendered by          
voice-inflections4 ,it  is your first   
duty to be absolutely clear and limpid4 
,you mustn't write  long involved       
sentences which necessitate the mind    
holding in solution a  lot of qualifying
 clauses4 ,you must break up your       
sentences1 and even  repeat yourself    
rather than be confused4 ,there is no   
beauty of style like  perfect clearness1
 and in all writing mystification is a  
fault4 ,you ought  never to make your   
reader turn back to the page before to  
see what you are  driving at4    ,but   
surely1 ,i said1 there are great writers
 like ,carlyle and ,george  ,meredith1  
for instance1 who have been difficult to
 understand4    ,yes1 said ,father      

,payne1 but that's a fault1 though it   
may be a  magnificent fault4 ,it may    
mean such a pressure of ideas and images
 that the  thing can hardly be written  
at length--and it may give you a sense  
of  exuberant greatness4 ,you may have  
to forgive a great writer his           
exuberance--you may even have to forgive
 him the trouble it costs to  penetrate 
his exact thoughts1 for the sake of     
steeping yourself in the rush  and      
splendour of the style4 ,but obscurity  
isn't a thing to aim at for  anyone who 
is trying to write2 it may be1 in the   
case of a great writer1 a  sort of      
vociferousness which intoxicates you3   
and the man may convey a kind  of       
inspiration by his very obscurities4    
,but it must be an impulse which  simply
 overpowers him--it mustn't be an effect
 deliberately planned4 ,you  may perhaps
 feel the bigness of the thought all the
 more in the presence of  a writer who1 
for all his power1 can't confine the    
stream1 and comes down  in a cataract of

 words4 ,but if you begin trying for an 
effect1 it is like  splashing about in a
 pool to make people believe it is a    
rushing river4 ,the  movement mustn't be
 your own contortions1 but the speed of 
the stream4 ,if  you want to see the bad
 side of obscurity1 look at ,browning4  
,the idea is  often a very simple one   
when you get at it2 it's only obscure   
because it is  conveyed by hints and    
jerks and nudges4 ,in ,pickwick1 for    
instance1  one does not read ,jingle's  
remarks for the underlying thought--only
 for the  pleasure of seeing how he     
leaps from stepping-stone to            
stepping-stone4 ,you  mustn't confuse   
the pleasure of unravelling thought with
 the pleasure of  thought4 ,if you can  
make yourself so attractive to your     
readers that they  love your explosions 
and collisions1 and say with a          
half-compassionate  delight--'how       
characteristic--but it is worth while   
unravelling6'  you have achieved a      
certain success4 ,but the chance is that

 future ages  won't trouble you much4   
,disentangling obscurities isn't bad fun
 for  contemporaries1 who know by       
instinct the nuances of words2 but it   
becomes  simply a bore a century later1 
when people are not interested in old   
nuances1 but simply want to know what   
you thought4 ,only scholars love        
obscurity--but then they are detectives1
 and not readers4    ,but isn't it      
possible to be too obvious8 ,i said--to 
get a namby-pamby  way of writing--what 
a reviewer calls painfully kind8        
,well1 of course1 the thought must be   
tough1 said ,father ,payne1 but it's    
your duty to make a tough thought       
digestible1 not to make an easy thought 
tough4 ,no1 my boy1 you may depend upon 
it that1 if you want people to  attend  
to you1 you must be intelligible4       
,don't1 for ,god's sake1 think that     
,carlyle or ,meredith or ,browning meant
 to be unintelligible1 or even  thought 
they were being unintelligible4 ,they   
were only thinking too  concisely or too

 rapidly for the reader4 ,but don't you 
try to produce that  sort of illusion4  
,try to say things like ,newman or      
,ruskin--big1 beautiful1  profound1     
delicate things1 with an almost         
childlike navet4 ,that is the  most     
exquisite kind of charm1 when you find  
that half-a-dozen of the  simplest words
 in the language have expressed a       
thought which holds you  spell-bound    
with its truth and loveliness4 ,that is 
what lasts4 ,people want  to be fed1 not
 to be drugged3 ,that1 ,i believe1 is   
the real difference  between romance and
 realism1 and ,i am one of those who    
gratefully believe  that romance has had
 its day4 ,we want the romance that     
comes from realism1  not the romance    
which comes by neglecting it4 ,but      
that's another subject4        ,,xlix   
,,of ,,belief      ,i don't think there 
is a single word in the ,english        
language1 said ,father  ,payne1 which is
 responsible for such unhappiness as the
 word 'believe4' ,it  is used with a    

dozen shades of intensity by people2 and
 yet it is the one  word which is always
 being used in theological argument1 and
 which1 like  the ungodly1 'is a sword  
of thine4'    ,i always mean the same   
thing by it1 ,i believe6 ,i said4       
,excuse me1 said ,father ,payne1 but if 
you will take observations of your      
talk1 you will find you do not4 ,at any 
rate1 ,i do not1 and ,i am more  careful
 about the words ,i use than many       
people4 ,if ,i have a heated argument   
with a man1 and think he takes up a     
perverse or eccentric opinion1 ,i am    
quite capable of saying of him1 ',i     
believe he must be crazy4' ,now such a  
sentence to a foreigner would carry the 
evidence of a deep and clear            
conviction2 but1 as ,i say it1 it       
doesn't really express the faintest     
suspicion of my opponent's sanity--it   
means little more than that ,i don't    
agree with him2 and yet when ,i say1    
',if there is one thing that ,i do      
believe1 it is in the actual existence  

of evil1' it means a slowly  accumulated
 and almost unalterable opinion4 ,in the
 ,creed1 one uses the word  'believe' as
 the nearest that conviction can come to
 knowledge1 short of  indisputable      
evidence2 and some people go further    
still1 and use it as if  it meant an    
almost higher sort of knowledge4 ,the   
real meaning is just what  ,tennyson    
said1      ',believing where we cannot  
prove1'    where it signifies a         
conviction which we cannot actually     
test1 but on which  we are content to   
act4    ,but1 ,i said1 if ,i say to a   
friend--',you are a real sceptic--you   
seem to  me to believe nothing1' ,i mean
 to imply something almost cynical4     
,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 you mean that
 he has no enthusiasm or ideals1  and   
holds nothing sacred1 because those are 
just the convictions which  cannot be   
proved4    ,some people1 ,i said1 seem  
to me simply to mean by the word        
'believe'  that they hold an opinion in 
such a way that they would be upset if  

it  turned out to be untrue4    ,yes1   
said ,father ,payne1 it is the intrusion
 of the nasty personal  element which   
spoils the word4 ,belief ought to be a  
very impersonal thing4  ,it ought simply
 to mean a convergence of your own      
experience on a certain  result2 but    
most people are quite as much annoyed at
 your disbelieving a  thing which they  
believe1 as at your disbelieving a thing
 which they  know4 ,you ought never to  
be annoyed at people not accepting your 
conclusions1 and still less when your   
conclusion is partly intuition1 and     
does not depend upon evidence4 ,this is 
the sort of scale ,i have in my         
mind--'practically certain1 probable1   
possible1 unproved1 unprovable4' ,now1  
,i am so far sceptical that1 apart from 
practical certainties1 which are  just  
the convergence of all normal           
experience1 the fact that any one person
  or any number of persons believed a   
thing would not affect my own faith in  
it1 unless ,i felt sure that the people 

who believed it were fully as  sceptical
 as and more clear-headed than myself1  
and had really gone into  the evidence4 
,but even so1 as ,i said1 the things    
most worth believing are  the things    
that can't be proved by any evidence4   
,what sort of things do you mean8 ,i    
said4    ,well1 a thing like the        
existence of ,god1 said ,father ,payne2 
that at best  is only a generalisation  
from an immense range of facts1 and a   
special  interpretation of them4 ,but   
the amazing thing in the world is the   
vast  number of people who are content  
to believe important things on hearsay1 
because1 on the whole1 they love or     
trust the people who teach them4 ,the   
word 'believing1' when ,i use it1       
doesn't mean that a good man says it1   
and  that ,i can't disprove it1 but a   
sort of vital assent1 so that ,i can act
  upon the belief almost as if ,i knew  
it4 ,it means for me some sort of       
personal experience1 ,i could not love  
or hate a man on hearsay1 just  because 

people whom ,i loved or trusted said    
that they either loved or hated  him4 ,i
 might be so far biassed that ,i should 
meet him expecting to find him  either  
lovable or hateful1 but ,i could not    
adopt a personal emotion on             
hearsay--that must be the result of a   
personal experience2 and yet the        
adoption of a personal emotion on       
hearsay is just what most people seem to
  me to be able to do4 ,i might believe 
that a man had done good or bad things  
on hearsay3 but ,i could have no feeling
 about him unless ,i had seen him4 ,i   
could not either love or hate a         
historical personage3 the most ,i could 
do  would be to like or dislike all     
stories told about him so much that ,i  
could  wish to have met him or not to   
have met him4    ,isn't it a question of
 imagination8 ,i said4    ,yes1 said    
,father ,payne1 and most ordinary       
religious belief is simply an           
imaginative personification3 but that is
 a childish affair1 not a  reasonable   

affair3 and that is why most religious  
teachers praise what they  call a       
childlike faith1 but what is really a   
childish faith4 ,i don't  honestly think
 that our religious beliefs ought to be 
a dog-like kind of  fidelity1           
unresentful1 unquestioning1 undignified 
confidence4 ,the love of  ,bill ,sikes' 
terrier for ,bill ,sikes doesn't make   
,bill ,sikes an admirable or  lovable   
man3 it only proves his terrier a       
credulous terrier4 ,the only  reason why
 we admire such a faith is because it is
 pleasant and convenient  to be blindly 
trusted1 and to feel that we can behave 
as badly as we like  without alienating 
that sort of trust4 ,i have sometimes   
thought that the  deepest anguish of    
,god must lie in ,his being loved and   
trusted by people to  whom ,he has been 
unable so far to show ,himself a loving 
and careful ,father4  ,i don't believe  
,god can wish us to love ,him in an     
unreasonable way--,i mean  by simply    
overlooking the bad side of things4 ,a  

man1 let us say1 with some  hideous     
inherited disease or vice ought not to  
love ,god1 unless he can be  sure that  
,god has not made him the helpless      
victim of disease or vice4    ,but may  
the victim not have a faith in ,god     
through and in spite of a  disease or a 
vice8 ,i said4    ,yes1 if he really    
faces the fact of the evil1 said ,father
 ,payne2 but he  must not believe in a  
muddled sort of way1 with a sort of     
abject timidity1  that ,god may have    
brought about his weakness or his       
degradation4 ,he ought  to be quite     
clear that ,god wishes him to be free   
and happy and strong1 and  grieves1 like
 ,himself1 over the miserable           
limitation4 ,he must have no sort  of   
doubt that ,god wishes him to be healthy
 or clean-minded4 ,then he can  pray1 he
 can strive for patience1 he can fight  
his fault3 he can't do it1  if he really
 thinks that ,god allowed him to be born
 with this horror in his  blood4 ,if    
,god could have avoided evil--,i don't  

mean the sharp sorrows and  trials which
 have a noble thing behind them1 but the
 ailments of body or  soul that simply  
debase and degrade--if ,he could have   
done without evil1  but let it creep in1
 then it seems to me a hopeless         
business1 trying to  believe in ,god's  
power or ,his goodness4 ,i believe in   
the reality of evil1  and ,i believe too
 in ,god with all my heart and soul4    
,but ,i stand with ,god  against evil3  
,i don't stand facing ,god1 and not     
knowing on which side ,he is  fighting4 
,everything may not be evil which ,i    
think evil3 but there are some  sorts of
 evil--cruelty1 selfish lust1 spite1    
hatred1 which ,i believe that  ,god     
detests as much as and far more than ,i 
detest them4 ,that is what ,i mean  by a
 belief1 a conviction which ,i cannot   
prove1 but on which ,i can and do  act4 
,but am ,i justified in not sharing that
 belief8 ,i said4    ,yes1 said ,father 
,payne2 if you1 in the light of your    
experience1 think  otherwise1 you need  

not believe it--you cannot believe it6  
,but it is the  only interpretation of  
the facts which sets me free to love    
,god1 which ,i do  not only with heart  
and soul1 but with mind and strength4   
,if ,i could  believe that ,god had ever
 tampered with what ,i feel to be evil1 
ever  permitted it to exist1 ever       
condoned it1 ,i could fear ,him--,i     
should fear  ,him with a ghastly        
fear--but ,i could not believe in ,him1 
or love ,him as ,i  do4        ,l       
,,of ,,honour      ,no1 ,i couldn't do  
that1 said ,lestrange to ,barthrop1 in  
one of those  unhappy little silences   
which so often seemed to lie in wait for
  ,lestrange's most platitudinal        
utterances4 ,it wouldn't be consistent  
with a  sense of honour4    ,father     
,payne gave a chuckle1 and ,lestrange   
looked pained1 ,oughtn't one to  have a 
code of honour8 he said4    ,why1       
certainly6 said ,father ,payne1 but you 
mustn't impose your code on  other      
people4 ,you mustn't take for granted   

that your idea of honour means  the same
 thing to everyone4 ,suppose you lost   
money at cards1 and called it  a debt of
 honour1 and thought it dishonourable   
not to pay it2 while at the  same time  
you didn't think it dishonourable not to
 pay a poor tradesman  whose goods you  
had ordered and consumed1 am ,i bound to
 accept your code of  honour8    ,but   
there is a difference there1 said ,rose1
 because the man to  whom you owe a     
gambling debt can't recover it by law1  
while a tradesman  can4 ,all that a debt
 of honour means is that you feel bound 
to pay it1  though you are not legally  
compelled to do so4    ,yes1 said       
,father ,payne1 that is so1 in a sense1 
,i admit4 ,but still1 one  mustn't      
shelter oneself behind big words unless 
one is certain that they  mean exactly  
the same to one's opponent4 ,when ,i was
 at school there was a  master who used 
to be fond1 as he said1 of putting the  
boys on their  honour3 but he never     
asked if we accepted the obligation4 ,if

 ,i say1 ',i give  you my honour not to 
do a thing1' then ,i can be called      
dishonourable if ,i  don't do it2 but   
you can't put me on my honour unless ,i 
consent4    ,but surely honour means    
something quite definite8 said          
,lestrange4    ,tell me what it is1     
then1 said ,father ,payne4 ,rose1 you   
seem to have  ideas on the subject4     
,what do you mean by honour8    ,isn't  
it one of the ultimate things1 said     
,rose1 which can't be defined1  but     
which everyone recognises--like blue and
 green1 let me say1 or sweet  and       
bitter8    ,no1 said ,father ,payne2 at 
least ,i don't think so4 ,it seems to me
 rather  an artificial thing1 because it
 varies at different dates4 ,it used1   
not so  long ago1 to be considered an   
affair of honour to fight a duel with a 
man  if he threw a glass of wine in your
 face4 ,and what do you make of the old 
proverb1 ',all is fair in love and war'8
 ,that seems to mean that honour is  not
 a universal obligation4 ,then there's  

the phrase1 ',honour among  thieves1'   
which isn't a very exalted one2 or the  
curious thing1 schoolboy  honour1 which 
dictates that a boy may know that       
another boy is being  disgracefully and 
cruelly bullied1 and yet is prevented by
 his sense of  honour from telling a    
master about it4 ,i admit that honour is
 a fine idea2  but it seems to me to    
cover a lot of things in human nature   
which are very  bad indeed4 ,it may mean
 only a sort of prudential arrangement  
which binds a  set of people together   
for a bad purpose1 because they do not  
choose to be  interfered with1 and yet  
call the thing honour for the sake of   
the  associations4    ,yes1 ,i don't    
think it is necessarily a moral thing1  
said ,rose1 but that  doesn't seem to me
 to matter4 ,it is simply an obligation1
 pledged or  implied1 that you will act 
in a certain way4 ,it may conflict with 
a moral  obligation1 and then you have  
to decide which is the greater          
obligation4    ,yes1 that is perfectly  

true1 said ,father ,payne1 and as long  
as you admit  that honour isn't in      
itself bound to be a good thing1 that is
 all ,i want4  ,lestrange seemed to use 
it as if you had only got to say that a 
motive was  honourable1 to have it      
recognised by everyone as right4 ,take  
the case of  what are called 'national  
obligations4' ,a certain party in the   
,state1  having secured a majority of   
votes1 enters into some arrangement--a  
treaty1  let us say--without consulting 
the nation4 ,is that held to be for ever
  binding on a nation till it is        
formally repealed8 ,is it dishonourable 
for a  citizen belonging1 let us say1 to
 the minority which is not represented  
by  the particular ,government which    
makes the treaty1 to repudiate it8      
,yes1 ,i think it may be fairly called  
dishonourable1 said ,rose2 there is  an 
obligation on a citizen to back up his  
,government4    ,then ,i should feel    
that honour is a very complicated thing1
 said ,father  ,payne4 ,if a citizen    

thinks a treaty dishonourable1 and if it
 is also  dishonourable for him to      
repudiate it1 it seems to me he is      
dishonourable  whatever he does4 ,he is 
obliged to consent for the sake of      
honour to a  dishonourable thing being  
done4 ,it seems to me perilously like a 
director  of a firm having to condone   
fraudulent practices1 because it is     
dishonourable to give his               
fellow-directors away4 ,it is this      
conflict  between individual honour and 
public honour which puzzles me1 and     
which  makes me feel that honour isn't a
 simple thing at all4 ,a high conception
 of  private honour seems to me a very  
fine thing indeed4 ,i mean by it a      
profound hatred of anything false or    
cowardly or perfidious1 and a loathing  
of anything insincere or treacherous4   
,that sort of proud and stainless       
chivalry seems to me to be about the    
brightest thing we can discern1 and  the
 furthest beauty we can recognise4 ,but 
honour seems also1 according to  you1 to

 be a principle to which you can be     
committed by a majority of  votes1      
whether you approve of it or not2 and   
then it seems to me a merely  detestable
 thing1 if you can be bound by honour to
 acquiesce in something  which you      
honestly believe to be base4 ,it seems  
to me a case of what  ,tennyson         
describes3      ',his honour rooted in  
dishonour stood1    ,and faith          
unfaithful kept him falsely true4'      
,but surely social obligations must     
often conflict with private beliefs1    
said ,rose4 ,a nation or a society has  
got to act collectively1 and a  minority
 must be over-ridden4    ,i quite agree1
 said ,father ,payne1 but why mix up    
honour with it at all8  ,i don't object 
to a man who conscientiously dissents to
 some national move  being told that he 
must lump it4 ,but if he is called      
dishonourable for  dissenting1 then     
honour does not seem to me to be a real 
word at all1 but  only a term of abuse  
for a man who objects to some concerted 

plan4 ,you  can't make a dishonest thing
 honest because a majority choose to do 
it--at  least ,i do not believe that    
morality is purely a matter of          
majorities1 or  that the dishonour of   
one century can become the honour of the
 next4 ,i am  inclined to believe just  
the opposite4 ,i believe that the man   
who has so  sensitive a conscience about
 what is honourable or not1 that he is  
called a  ,quixotic fool by his         
contemporaries1 is far more likely to be
 right than  the coarser majority who   
only see that a certain course is       
expedient4 ,i  should believe that he   
saw some truth of morality clearly which
 the rougher  sort of minds did not see4
 ,the saint--call him what you like--is 
only the  man who stands higher up1 and 
sees the sunrise before the people who  
stand  lower down4    ,but everyone has 
a right to his own sense of honour1 said
 ,rose4    ,certainly1 said ,father     
,payne1 but you must be certain that a  
man's sense  of honour is lower than    

your own before you call him            
dishonourable for  differing from you4  
,if a man is less scrupulous than       
myself1 ,i may think  him dishonourable1
 if ,i also think that he knows better4 
,but what ,i do not  think that any of  
us has a right to do is to call a man   
dishonourable if he  has more scruples  
than oneself4 ,he may be                
over-scrupulous1 but the chances  are   
that any man who sacrifices his         
convenience to a scruple has a higher   
sense of honour than the man who throws 
over a scruple for the sake of his      
convenience4 ,that is why ,i think      
honour is a dangerous word to play with1
  because it is so often used to        
frighten people who don't fall in with  
what  is for the convenience of a gang4 
,but surely1 said ,rose1 morality is    
after all only a word for what  society 
agrees to consider moral4    ,yes1 in a 
sense that is so1 said ,father ,payne2  
it is only a word to  express a         
phenomenon4 ,but ,i believe that        

morality is a real thing1 for all  that2
 and that our conceptions of it get     
clearer1 as the world goes on4 ,it  is  
something outside of us--a law of nature
 if you like--which we are  learning2   
not merely a thing which we invent for  
our convenience4  ,but that is too big a
 business to go into now4        ,,li   
,,of ,,work      ,i cannot remember now 
what public man it was who had died of a
 breakdown  from overwork1 but ,i heard 
,father ,payne say1 after dinner1       
referring to the  event1 ,i wish it to  
be clearly understood that ,i think a   
man who dies of  deliberate or reckless 
overwork is a victim of self-indulgence4
 ,it is  nothing more or less than      
giving way to a passion4 ,i am as sure  
as ,i can be  of anything1 he went on1  
that a thousand years hence that will be
  recognised by human beings1 and that  
they will feel it to be as shameful  for
 a man to die of spontaneous overwork as
 for him to die of drink or  gluttony or
 any other vice4 ,i don't of course     

mean1 he added1 the cases  of men who   
have had some definite and critical job 
to carry through1 and  have decided that
 the risk is worth running4 ,a man has  
always the right to  risk his life for a
 definite aim--but ,i mean the men--you 
can see it in  biographies1 and the     
worst of it is that they are often the  
biographies of  clergymen--who1 in spite
 of physical warnings1 and entreaties   
from their  friends1 and definite       
statements by their doctors that they   
are shortening  their lives by labour1  
still cannot stop1 or1 if they stop1    
begin again too  soon4 ,no man has any  
right to think his work so important as 
that--to take  unimportant things too   
seriously is the worst sort of          
frivolity4    ,but isn't it the finer   
kind of people1 said ,kaye1 who make the
 mistake8    ,yes1 of course1 said      
,father ,payne1 but so1 too1 if you look
 into it1 you  will too often find that 
it is the finer kinds of imaginative    
people who  take to drink and drugs4 ,i 

remember1 he added1 once going to see a 
poor  friend of mine in an asylum1 and  
the old doctor at the head of it said1  
',it  isn't the stupid people who come  
here1 ,mr4 ,payne2 it is the clever     
people6'    ,but does not your principle
 about the right to risk one's life hold
 good  here too8 said ,barthrop4    ,no1
 ,i think not1 said ,father ,payne4 ,a  
man may choose to try a dangerous       
thing1 climb a mountain1 explore a      
perilous country1 go up in a balloon1   
where an element of risk is inseparable 
from the experiment2 but ordinary  work 
isn't risky in itself4 ,why1 he added1  
,i was reading a book the other  day1   
the life of ,fitzherbert1 you know1 who 
was a man of prodigious  laboriousness1 
who died early1 worn out4 ,he had an    
impossible standard of  perfection4 ,if 
he had to write an article1 he read all 
the literature on  the subject over and 
over2 he wrote and re-wrote his stuff4  
,there was a  case quoted in the book1  
as if it were to ,fitzherbert's credit1 

when he had  to send in an article by a 
certain date--just a ,quarterly article4
  ,it had to go in on the ,friday4 ,he  
had finished it on the ,monday before1  
when his mind misgave him4 ,he destroyed
 the article1 began again1 sate up  all 
,monday night and all ,wednesday night1 
and wrote the whole thing afresh4  ,he  
was laid up for a month after it4 ,that 
is simply the act of an  unbalanced     
mind4    ,i can't help feeling that     
there is something fine about it1 said  
,vincent4    ,there is always something 
fine about unreasonable things1 said    
,father  ,payne1 or in a man making a   
sacrifice for an idea4 ,but there is an 
entire  lack of proportion about this   
performance2 and if ,fitzherbert thought
 his  work so valuable as that1 then he 
ought to have reflected that he was     
simply limiting his future output by    
this reckless expenditure of force4     
,but the whole case was a sad           
one--,fitzherbert worked in a ghastly   
way as a  boy and as a young man4 ,he   

had a very broad outlook1 he was        
interested in  everything2 and when he  
was at ,oxford1 he told a friend that he
 was  discovering a hundred subjects on 
which he hoped to have a say4 ,well1    
then1  the middle part of his life was  
spent in preparing himself1 under the   
same  sort of pressure1 to entitle      
himself to have his say3 and then came  
his  first bad break-down--and the end  
of his life1 which was a wretched       
period1  was spent in finding elaborate 
reasons why he should not commit himself
 to  any opinion whatever4 ,if he was   
asked his opinion1 he always said he had
  not studied the subject adequately4   
,that seems to me the life of a man     
suffering from a sort of nightmare4     
,things are not so deep as all that--at 
least1 if no one is to give an opinion  
on any point until he has mastered  the 
whole sum of human opinion on the point1
 then we shall never make any  progress 
at all4 ,i remember ,fitzherbert's      
strong condemnation of ,ruskin1  for    

giving his opinion cursorily on all     
subjects of importance4 ,yet ,ruskin    
did a greater work than ,fitzherbert1   
because he at least made people think1  
while ,fitzherbert only prevented them  
from daring to think4 ,i don't mean     
that people ought to feel competent to  
express an opinion on  everything--yet  
even that habit cures itself1 because1  
if you do it1 no one  pays any          
attention4 ,but if a man has gone into a
 subject with decent care1  or if he has
 reflected upon problems of which the   
data are fairly well  known1 ,i think   
there is every reason why he should give
 an opinion4 ,it is  very easy to be too
 conscientious4 ,there are plenty of    
fine hints of  opinions in              
,fitzherbert's letters4 ,you could make 
a very good book of  ,penses out of     
them--he had a clear1 forcible1 and     
original mind2  but he did not dare to  
say what he thought2 and you may        
remember that if he  was ever sharply   
criticised1 he felt it deeply1 as a sort

 of imputation of  dishonesty4 ,a man   
must not go down before criticism like  
that4    ,but everyone must do their    
work in their own way8 said ,i4    ,yes1
 said ,father ,payne1 but ,fitzherbert  
ended by doing nothing--he only  snubbed
 and silenced his own fine mind1 by     
giving way to this unholy  passion for  
examining things4 ,no1 ,i want you      
fellows to have common-sense  about     
these matters4 ,there is a great deal   
too much sanctity attached to  print4   
,the written word--there's a dark       
superstition about it6 ,a man has as    
much right to write as he has to talk4  
,he may say to the world1 to his  unseen
 and unknown friends in it1 whatever he 
may say to his intimates4 ,you  should  
write just as you could talk to any     
gentleman1 with the same  courtesy and  
frankness4 ,of course you must run the  
risk of your book  falling into the     
hands of ill-bred people--that can't be 
helped--and of  course you must not     
pretend that your book is the result of 

deep and  copious labour1 if it is      
nothing of the kind4 ,but heart-breaking
 toil is  not the only qualification for
 speaking4 ,there are plenty of         
complicated  little topics--all the     
problems which arise from the           
combination of  individuals into        
societies--which people ought to think  
about1 and which  are really everyone's 
concern4 ,the interplay1 ,i mean1 of    
human  relations--the moral1 religious1 
social1 intellectual ideas--which have  
all  got to be co-ordinated4 ,a man does
 not need immense knowledge for that2 in
  fact if he studies the history of such
 things too deeply1 he is often apt  to 
forget that old interpreters of such    
things had not got all the present      
data4 ,there is an immense future before
 writers who will interest people in    
and familiarise them with ideas4 ,some  
people get absorbed in life in the      
wrong way1 just bent on acquisition and 
comfort--some people1 again1 live  as if
 they were staying in somebody else's   

house--but what you want to  induce men 
and women to do is to realise the sort  
of thing that life really  is1 and to   
attempt to put it in some kind of       
proportion4 ,the mischief done  by men  
like ,fitzherbert1 who was fond of      
snapping at people who produced  ideas  
for inspection1 is that ordinary people 
get to confuse wisdom with  knowledge2  
and that won't do6 ,and so the man who  
sets to work like  ,fitzherbert loses   
his alertness and his observation1 with 
the result that  instead of bringing a  
very fresh and incisive mind to bear on 
life1 he  loses his way in books1 and   
falls a victim to the awful passion for 
feeling  able to despise other people's 
opinions4    ,but isn't it possible1    
said ,vincent1 for a man to get the best
 out of  life for himself by a sort of  
passion for exact knowledge--like the   
man in  the ,grammarian's funeral1 ,i   
mean8    ,personally1 said ,father      
,payne1 ,i always think that ,browning  
did a lot of  harm by that poem4 ,he was

 glorifying a real vice1 ,i think4 ,if  
the  ,grammarian had said to himself1   
',there is all this nasty work to be    
done by  someone2 ,i can do it1 and ,i  
can save other people having to waste   
their  time over it1 by doing it once   
and for all1' it would have been        
different4  ,but ,i think he was partly 
indulging a poor sort of vanity by just 
determining to know what no other man   
knew4 ,the point of work is twofold4    
,it is partly good for the worker1 to   
tranquillise his life and to reduce it  
to a certain order and discipline2 but  
you mustn't do it only for the sake  of 
your own tranquillity1 any more than the
 artist must work for the sake  of      
luxuriating in his own emotions4 ,you   
must have something to give away3  you  
must have some idea of combination1 of  
helping other people to find  each other
 and to understand each other4 ,it is   
vicious to isolate yourself  for your   
own satisfaction4 ,fitzherbert and the  
,grammarian were really  misers4 ,they  

just accumulated1 and enjoyed the       
pleasure of having their own  minds     
clear4 ,that doesn't seem to me in      
itself to be a fine thing at all4  ,it  
is simply the oldest of temptations1    
',ye shall be as gods1 knowing good  and
 evil4' ,that is the danger of the      
critical mind1 that it says1 ',i will   
know within myself what is good1' ,the  
only excuse for the critical mind is  to
 help people not to be taken in by what 
is bad4 ,it is better to be like  ,plato
 and ,ruskin1 to make mistakes1 to have 
prejudices1 to be unfair1 even  to be   
silly1 because at least you encourage   
people to think that life is            
interesting--and that is about as much  
as any of us can do4        ,,lii       
,,of ,,companionship      ,isn't it     
rather odd1 said someone to ,father     
,payne after dinner1 that  great men    
have as a rule rather preferred the     
company of their inferiors to  the      
company of their equals8    ,i don't    
know1 said ,father ,payne2 ,i think it's

 rather natural6 ,by ,jove1 ,i  know    
that a very little of the society of a  
really superior person goes a  very long
 way with me4 ,no1 ,i think it is what  
one would expect4 ,when the  great man  
is at work1 he is on the strain and     
doing the lofty business for  all he is 
worth2 when he is at leisure1 he doesn't
 want any more strain--he  has done his 
full share4    ,but take the big groups1
 said someone1 like the ,wordsworth set1
 or the  pre-,raphaelite set--or take   
any of the great biographies--the big   
men of  any time seem always to have    
been mutual friends and correspondents4 
,you  have letters to and from ,ruskin  
from and to all the great men of his    
day4    ,letters1 yes6 said ,father     
,payne2 of course the great men know    
each  other1 and respect each other2 but
 they don't tend to coagulate4 ,they    
relish an occasional meeting and an     
occasional letter1 and they say how     
deeply they regret not seeing more of   
each other--but they tend to seek the   

repose of their own less exalted circle4
 ,the man who has fine ideas prefers    
his own disciples to the men who have   
got a different set of fine ideas4      
,that is natural enough6 ,you want to   
impart the ideas you believe in--you    
don't want to argue about them1 or to   
have them knocked out of your hand4     
,depend upon it1 the society of an      
intelligent person1 who can understand  
you enough to stimulate you1 and who is 
grateful for your talk1 is much         
pleasanter1 and indeed more fruitful1   
than the society of a man who is  fully 
as intelligent as yourself1 and thinks  
some of your conclusions to be  rot6    
,but doesn't all that encourage people  
to be prophets8 ,vincent said4 ,one  of 
the depressing things about great men is
 that they grow to consider  themselves 
a sort of special providence--the       
originators of great ideas  rather than 
the interpreters4    ,yes1 said ,father 
,payne1 of course the little coteries   
and courts of  great men are rather     

repulsive4 ,but the best people don't do
 that4 ,they  live contentedly in a     
circle which combines with its          
admiration for the  hero a comfortable  
feeling that1 if other people knew what 
they know1 they  wouldn't feel genius to
 be quite so extraordinary as is        
commonly believed4  ,and we must        
remember1 too1 that most great men seem 
greater afterwards than  they did at the
 time4 ,more of a treat and a privilege1
 ,i mean4    ,do you think one ought to 
try to catch a sight of great men who   
are  contemporaries8 said ,i4    ,yes1 a
 sight1 ,i think1 said ,father ,payne4  
,it's a pleasant thing to  realise how  
your big man sits and looks and talks1  
what his house is like1  and so forth4  
,i have often rather regretted ,i       
haven't had the curiosity to  get a     
sight of the giants4 ,it helps you to   
understand them4 ,i remember a  pleasant
 old gentleman1 ,vinter by name1 who    
lived in ,london4 ,vinter the  novelist 
was his son4 ,when young ,vinter became 

famous for a bit1 and people  wanted to 
know him1 old ,vinter made a glorious   
rule4 ,he told his son that  he might   
invite any well-known person he liked to
 the house1 to luncheon or  dinner--but 
that unless he made a special exception 
in any one's favour1  they were not to  
be invited again4 ,there's a fine old   
,epicurean6 ,he liked  to realise what  
the bosses looked like1 but he wasn't   
going to be bothered  by having to talk 
respectfully to them time after time4   
,but that's rather tame1 said ,vincent4 
,the point surely would be to get  to   
know a big man well4    ,why1 yes1 said 
,father ,payne1 but ,vinter was a wise  
old man2 now ,i  should say to any young
 man who had a chance of really having a
  friendship with a great man1 ',of     
course1 take it and thank your stars6'  
,but  ,i shouldn't advise any young man 
to make a collection of celebrities1 or 
to  go about hunting them4 ,in fact ,i  
think for an original young man1 it is  
apt  to be rather dangerous to have a   

real friendship with a great man4       
,there's  a danger of being diverted    
from your own line1 and of being drawn  
into  imitative worship4 ,a very        
moderate use of great men in person     
should  suffice anyone4 ,your real      
friends ought to be people with whom you
 are  entirely at ease1 not people whom 
you reverence and defer to4 ,it's better
  to learn to bark than to wag your     
tail4 ,i don't think the big men        
themselves often begin by being         
disciples4    ,then who is worth seeing8
 said ,vincent4 ,there must be somebody6
    ,why1 to be frank1 said ,father     
,payne1 agreeable men like me1 who      
haven't  got too much authority1 and are
 not surrounded by glory and worship6   
,i'm  interested in most things1 and    
have learnt more or less how to         
talk--you  look out for ingenious and   
kindly elderly men1 who haven't been too
  successful1 and haven't frozen into   
,tories1 and yet have had some          
experience2--men of humour and          

liveliness1 who have a rather more      
extended  horizon than yourself1 and who
 will listen to what you say instead of 
shutting you up1 and saying ',very      
likely' as ,newman did--after which you 
were expected to go into a corner and   
think over your sins6 ,or clever1       
sympathetic1 interesting women--not too 
young4 ,those are the people whom it  is
 worth taking a little trouble to see4  
,but what about the young people6 said  
,vincent4    ,oh1 that will look after  
itself1 said ,father ,payne4 ,there's no
  difficulty about that6 ,you asked me  
whom it was worth while taking some     
trouble to see1 and ,i prescribe a very 
occasional great man1 and a good  many  
well-bred1 cultivated1 experienced1     
civil men and women4 ,it isn't very     
easy to find1 that sort of society1 for 
a young man2 but it is worth trying     
for4    ,but do you mean that you should
 pursue good talk8 said ,vincent4    ,a 
little1 ,i think1 said ,father ,payne2  
there's a good deal of art in           

it--unconscious art in ,england1        
probably--but much of our life is spent 
in  talking1 and there's no reason why  
we shouldn't learn how to get the best  
and the most out of talk--how to start a
 subject1 and when to drop it--how  to  
say the sort of things which make other 
people want to join in1 and so  on4 ,of 
course you can't learn to talk unless   
you have a lot to say1 but you  can     
learn how to do it1 and better still how
 not to do it4 ,i  used to feel in the  
old days1 when ,i met a clever man--it  
was rare enough1  alas6--how much more  
,i could have got out of him if ,i had  
known how to do  the trick4 ,it's a     
great pleasure1 good talk2 and the fact 
that it is so  tiring shows what a real 
pleasure it must be4 ,but a man with    
whom you can  only talk hard isn't a    
companion--he's an adversary in a game4 
,there  have been times in my life when 
,i have had a real tough talker staying 
here  with me1 when ,i have suffered    
from crushing intellectual fatigue1 and 

felt  inclined to say1 like ,elijah1    
',take away my life1 for ,i am not      
better than  my fathers4' ,that is the  
strange thing to me about most human    
beings--the  extent to which they seem  
able to talk without being tired4 ,i    
agree with  ,walter ,scott1 when he     
said1 ',if the question was eternal     
company without  the power of retiring  
within myself1 or solitary confinement  
for life1 ,i  should say1 ,turnkey1 lock
 the cell6' ,companionship doesn't seem 
to me the  normal thing4 ,solitude is   
the normal thing1 with a few bits of    
talk thrown  in1 like meals1 for        
refreshment4 ,but you can't lay down    
rules for people  about it4 ,some people
 are simply gregarious1 and twitter     
together like  starlings in a shrubbery3
 that isn't talk--it's only a series of 
signals  and exclamations4 ,the danger  
of solitude is that the machinery runs  
just as  you wish it to run--and that   
wears it out4    ,but isn't your whole  
idea of talk rather strenuous--a little 

artificial8  said ,vincent4    ,not more
 so than fixed meals1 said ,father      
,payne1 or regular exercise4  ,but1 of  
course silent companionship is the      
greatest boon of all4 ,i have a  belief 
that even in silent companionship there 
is a real intermingling of  vital and   
mental currents1 and that one is much   
pervaded and affected by  the people one
 lives with1 even if one does not talk  
to them4 ,the very  sight of some people
 is as bad as an argument6 ,the ideal   
thing1 of course1  is to have a few     
intimate friends and some comfortable   
acquaintances4 ,but ,i  am rather a     
fatalist about friendship1 and ,i think 
that most of us get  about as much as we
 deserve4 ,anyhow1 it's all worth taking
 some trouble  about2 and most people   
make the mistake of not taking any      
trouble or  putting themselves about2   
and that's not the way to behave6       
,,liii    ,,of ,,money      ,i suppose  
,i had said something high-minded1      
showing a supposed contempt of  money1  

for ,father ,payne looked at me in      
silence4    ,you mustn't say such       
things1 said he1 at last4 ,i'll tell you
 why6 ,what  you said was perfectly     
genuine1 and ,i have no doubt you feel  
it--but1 if  ,i may say so1 it's like   
talking about a place where you have    
never been1 as  if you had visited it1  
when you have only read about it in the 
guide-book4  ,i don't mean that you wish
 to deceive for an instant--but you     
simply don't  know6 ,that's the tragic  
thing about money--that it is both so   
important and  so unimportant4 ,if you  
have enough money1 you need never give  
it a thought2  if you haven't1 it's the 
devil6 ,it's like health--no one who    
hasn't been on  the wrong side of the   
dividing line knows what a horrible     
place the wrong  side is4 ,those two    
things--,i daresay there are            
others--poverty and  ill-health--put a  
man on the rack4 ,the healthy man1 and  
the man with a  sufficient income1 are  
apt to think that the poor man and the  

ill man make  a great fuss about very   
little4 ,i don't know about ill-health1 
but by  ,george1 ,i know all about      
poverty--and ,i'll tell you once for    
all4 ,for  twenty years ,i was poor1 and
 this is what that means4 ,to be tied   
hand and  foot to a piece of hideous    
drudgery--morning by morning1 month by  
month1  and with the consciousness too  
that1 if health fails you1 or if you    
lose  your work1 you will either starve 
or have to sponge on your friends--never
  to be able to do what you like or go  
where you like--to know that the world  
is full of beautiful places1 delightful 
people1 interesting ideas1 books1  talk1
 art1 music--to sicken for all these    
things1 and not even to have the  time  
or energy to get hold of such scraps of 
them as can be found cheap in           
,london--to feel time slipping away1 and
 all your instincts for beautiful       
things unused and unsated--to live a    
solitary1 grubby1 nasty life--never     
able to entertain a friend1 or to go a  

trip with a friend1 or to do a          
kindness1 or to help anyone             
generously--and yet to feel that with an
 income  which many people would regard 
as ridiculously inadequate1 you could do
  most of these things--the slavery1 the
 bondage1 the dreariness of it6 ,he     
broke off1 much moved4    ,but1 said ,i1
 don't many quite poor people live      
happily and contentedly  and kindly with
 minute incomes8    ,why1 yes1 said     
,father ,payne1 of course they do6--and 
,i'm willing enough  to admit that ,i   
ought to have done better than ,i did4  
,but then ,i had been  brought up       
differently1 and by the time ,i had done
 with ,oxford1 ,i had all  the tastes   
and instincts of the well-to-do man4    
,that was the mischief1 that  ,i had    
tasted freedom4 ,of course1 if ,i had   
been cast in a stronger and  nobler     
mould1 it would have been different--but
 all my senses had been  acutely        
developed1 my faculties of interest and 
enjoyment and  appreciation--not gross  

things1 mind you1 nor feelings that     
ought to  be starved1 but just the      
wholesome delights of the well-educated 
man4 ,i did  not want to be extravagant1
 and ,i knew too that there were        
millions of  people in the same case as 
myself4 ,there was every reason why ,i  
should  behave decently about it6 ,if ,i
 had been really interested in my work1 
,i  could have done better--but ,i did  
not believe in the value of my work--,i 
taught men1 not to educate them1 but    
that they might pass an examination  and
 never look at the beastly stuff again4 
,whenever ,i reached the point at  which
 ,i became interested1 ,i had to hold my
 hand4 ,and then1 too1 the work  tired  
me without exercising my mind4 ,there   
were the vacations1 of  course--but ,i  
couldn't afford to leave ,london--,i    
simply lived in hell4 ,i  don't say that
 ,i didn't get some discipline out of   
it--and my escape gave  me a stock of   
gratitude and delight that has been     
simply inexhaustible4 ,the  misery of it

 for me was that ,i had to live an      
unreal life4 ,if ,i had been  poor1 and 
had had my leisure1 and had worked at   
things ,i cared about1 with  a set1 let 
us say1 of young artists1 all working   
too at things which they  cared about1  
it would have been different--but ,i    
hadn't the energy left to  make friends1
 or the time to find any congenial      
people4 ,i can't describe  what a       
nightmare it all was--so that when ,i   
hear you speaking as if money  didn't   
really matter1 ,i simply feel that you  
don't know what a tragedy it  can be1 or
 what your own income saves you from4   
,you and ,i have the  ,epicurean        
temperament1 my boy2 it's no good       
pretending we haven't--things  appeal to
 our mind and senses in a way they don't
 appeal to everyone4 ,so ,i  don't think
 that people ought to talk lightly about
 money1 unless they have  known poverty 
and not suffered under it4 ,i used to   
ask myself in  those days if it was     
possible to suffer more1 when every     

avenue reaching  away out of my life to 
the things ,i loved and cared for seemed
 to be closed  to me by an impassable   
barrier4    ,but one can practise       
oneself in doing without things8 ,i     
said4    ,with about as much success1   
said ,father ,payne1 as you can practise
 doing  without food4    ,but isn't it  
partly that people are unduly reticent  
about money8 ,i said4  ,if people could 
only say frankly what they can and what 
they can't afford1  it would simplify   
things very much4    ,i don't know1 said
 ,father ,payne4 ,money is one of those 
curious  things--uninteresting if you   
have enough1 tragic if you haven't4 ,i  
don't  think talking about money is     
vulgar--,i think it is simply dull3 to  
discuss  poverty is like discussing a   
disease--to discuss wealth is like      
talking  about food or wine4 ,the       
poverty that simply humiliates and      
pinches can't be  joked about--it's far 
too serious for that6 ,of course1 there 
are men who  don't really feel the call 

of life4 ,look at our friend ,kaye6 ,if 
,kaye had to  live in ,london lodgings1 
he wouldn't mind a bit1 if he could get 
to the  ,museum ,reading-,room--he only 
wants books and his own work--he doesn't
 want  company or music or art or talk  
or friends4 ,he is wholly indifferent to
  nasty food or squalor4 ,poverty is not
 a real evil to him4 ,if he had money   
he wouldn't know how to spend it4 ,i    
read a book the other day about a       
priest who lived a very devoted life in 
the slums--he had two rooms in a        
clergy-house--and there was a chapter in
 praise of the way in which he  endured 
his poverty4 ,but it was all wrong6     
,what that man really enjoyed was       
preaching and ceremonial and company--he
 had a real love of human beings4       
,well1 that man's life was crammed with 
joy--he got exactly what he wanted  all 
day long4 ,it wasn't a self-sacrificing 
life--it would have been to you  and    
me--but he no doubt woke day after day1 
with a prospect of having his  whole    

time taken up with things he thoroughly 
enjoyed4    ,but what about the people1 
,i said1 who really enjoy just the sense
 of  power which money gives them1      
without using it--or the people whose   
only  purpose in using it is the        
pleasure of being known to have it8     
,oh1 of course1 they are simply         
barbarians1 said ,father ,payne1 and it 
doesn't do them any harm to be poor4    
,no1 the tragedy lies in the  case of a 
man with really expansive1 generous1    
civilised instincts1 to whom  the world 
is full of wholesome and urgent         
delights1 and whose life is  simply     
starved out of him by poverty4 ,i have a
 great mind to send you to  ,london for 
a couple of months1 to live on a pound a
 week1 and see what you  make of it4    
,i'll go if you wish it1 ,i said4    ,it
 might bring things home to you1 said   
,father ,payne1 smiling1 but again  it  
probably would not1 because it would    
only be a game--the real pinch  would   
not come4 ,most people would rather     

enjoy migrating to hell from  heaven for
 a month--it would just give them a     
sharper relish for heaven4    ,but do   
you really think your poverty hurt you8 
,i said4    ,i have no doubt it did1    
said ,father ,payne4 ,of course ,i was  
rescued in  time1 before the bitterness 
really sank down into my soul4 ,but ,i  
think it  prevented my ever being more  
than a looker-on4 ,i believe ,i could   
have done  some work worth doing1 if ,i 
could have tried a few experiments4 ,i  
don't  know6 ,perhaps ,i am ungrateful  
after all4 ,my poverty certainly gave me
 a  wish to help things along1 and ,i   
doubt if ,i should have learnt that     
otherwise4 ,and ,i think1 too1 it taught
 me not to waste compassion on the      
wrong things4 ,the people to be pitied  
are simply the people whose minds and   
souls are pinched and starved--the      
over-sensitive1 responsive people1 who  
feel hunted and punished without knowing
 why4 ,it's temperament always1 and  not
 circumstance1 which is the happy or the

 unhappy thing4 ,i felt1 when you  said 
what you did about poverty1 that you    
neither knew how harmless it  could be1 
or how infinitely noxious it might be4  
,i don't take a high-minded  view of    
money myself4 ,i don't tell people to   
despise it4 ,i always tell the  fellows 
here to realise what they can endure and
 what they can't4 ,the first  requisite 
for a sensible man is to find work which
 he enjoys1 and the next  requisite is  
for him to earn as much as he really    
needs--that is to say  without having to
 think daily and hourly about money4 ,i 
don't over-estimate  what money can do1 
but it is foolish to under-estimate what
 the want of it  can do4 ,i have seen   
more fine natures go to pieces under the
 stress of  poverty than under any other
 stress that ,i know4 ,money is         
perfectly  powerless as a shield against
 many troubles--and on the other hand it
 can  save a man from innumerable little
 wretchednesses and horrors which       
destroy  the beauty and dignity of life4

 ,i don't believe mechanically in       
humiliation  and renunciation and       
ignominy and contempt1 as purifying     
influences4 ,it all  depends upon       
whether they are gallantly and          
adventurously and humorously  borne4    
,they often make some people only sore  
and diffident1 and ,i don't  believe in 
learning to hate life4 ,not to learn    
your own limitations is  childish3 and  
one of the insolences which is most     
heavily punished is that  of making a   
sacrifice without knowing if you can    
endure the consequences of  it4 ,the    
people who begin by despising money as  
vulgar are generally the  people who end
 by making a mess which other people    
have to sweep up4 ,so  don't be either  
silly or prudent about money1 my boy6   
,just realise that  your first duty is  
not to be a burden on yourself or on    
other people4 ,find  out your minimum1  
and secure it if you can2 and then don't
 give the matter  another thought4 ,if  
it is any comfort to you1 reflect that  

the best authors  and artists have      
almost invariably been good men of      
business1 and don't  court squalor of   
any kind unless you really enjoy it4    
,,liv    ,,of ,,peaceableness           
,father ,payne1 talking one evening1    
made a statement which involved an      
assumption that the world was           
progressing4 ,rose attacked him on this 
point4  ,isn't that just one of the     
large generalisations1 he said1 which   
you are  always telling us to beware of8
    ,it isn't an assumption1 said       
,father ,payne1 but a conviction of     
mine1  based upon a good deal of        
second-hand evidence4 ,i don't think it 
can be  doubted4 ,i can't array all my  
reasons now1 or we should sit here all  
night--but ,i will tell you one main    
reason1 and that is the immensely       
increased peaceableness of the world4   
,fighting has gone out in schools1 and  
none but decayed clubmen dare to deplore
 it3 corporal punishment has            
diminished1 and isn't needed1 because   

children don't do savage things2        
bullying is extinct in decent schools2  
crimes of violence are much more  rare2 
duelling is no longer a part of social  
life1 except for an occasional  farcical
 performance between literary men or    
politicians in ,france--,i saw  an      
account of one in the papers the other  
day4 ,it was raining1 and one of  the   
combatants would not furl his umbrella3 
his seconds said that it made  him a    
bigger target4 ,i may be shot1 he said1 
but that is no reason why ,i  should get
 wet6 ,then there is the mediaeval      
nonsense among students in  ,germany1   
where they fence like ,tweedledum and   
,tweedledee4 ,generally  speaking1      
however1 the belief that a blow is an   
argument has gone out4 ,then  war has   
become more rare1 and is more           
reluctantly engaged in4 ,i suppose  that
 till the date of ,waterloo there was   
hardly a year in history when some      
fighting was not going on4 ,no1 ,i think
 it is impossible not to believe that   

the impulse to kick and scratch and bite
 is really on the decline4    ,but need 
that be a proof of progress8 said ,rose4
 ,may it not only mean a  decrease of   
personal courage1 and a greater         
sensitiveness to pain8    ,i think not1 
said ,father ,payne1 because when there 
is fighting to  be done1 it is done just
 as courageously--indeed ,i think more  
courageously than used to be the case4  
,no1 ,i think it is the training of an  
instinct--the instinct of               
self-restraint4 ,i believe that people  
have more  imagination and more sympathy
 than they used to have2 there is more  
tolerance of adverse opinion1 a greater 
sense of liberty in the air3  opponents 
have more respect for each other1 and do
 not attribute bad  motives so easily4  
,why1 consider how much milder even the 
newspapers are4  ,if one reads old      
reviews1 old books of political         
controversy1 old  pamphlets--how much   
more blackguarding and calling names one
 sees4  ,anonymous journalists1         

anonymous reviewers1 are now the only   
people who  keep up the tradition of    
public bad manners--all signed articles 
and  criticisms are infinitely politer  
than they used to be4    ,but1 persisted
 ,rose1 isn't that simply a possible    
proof of the general  declension of     
force8    ,certainly not1 said ,father  
,payne1 it only means more equilibrium4 
,you  must remember that equilibrium    
means a balance of forces1 not a mere   
diminution of them4 ,there is more force
 present in a banked-up reservoir  than 
in a rushing stream4 ,the rushing stream
 merely means a force making  itself    
felt without a counterbalancing         
force--but that isn't nearly as  strong 
as the pressure in a reservoir exerted  
by the water which is trying  to get    
out1 and the resistance of the dam which
 is trying to keep it in4  ,you must not
 be taken in by apparent placidity3 it  
often means two forces  at work instead 
of one4 ,peace1 as opposed to war1 is a 
tremendous  counterpoising of forces1   

and it simply means an organised        
resistance4 ,in  old days1 there was no 
cohesion of the forces which desire     
peace1 and  violence was unresisted4    
,there can be no doubt1 ,i think1 that  
in a  civilised country there are many  
more forces at work than in a combative 
country4 ,i do not suppose that we can  
either of us prove whether the forces   
at work in the world have increased or  
diminished4 ,let us grant that the      
amount is constant4 ,if so1 a great deal
 of the force that was combative has    
now been transformed to the force which 
resists combat4 ,but ,i imagine that  on
 the whole most people would grant that 
human energies have increased3 if  that 
is so1 certainly the combative element  
has not increased in  proportion1 while 
the peaceful element has increased out  
of all  proportion4    ,but1 said       
,vincent1 you often talk in the most    
bellicose way1 ,father4 ,you  say that  
we ought all to be fighting on the side 
of good4    ,yes1 said ,father ,payne1  

on the side of resistance to evil1 ,i   
admit2 but  you can fight without       
banging and smashing things1 as the dam 
fights the  reservoir by silent         
cohesion4 ,there is a temptation1 from  
which some people  suffer1 to think that
 one can't be fighting for ,god at all1 
unless one is  doing it furiously1 and  
all the time1 and successfully1 and on a
 large and  impressive scale4 ,that is a
 fatal blunder4 ,to hide your           
adversary's sword  is often a very good 
way of fighting4 ,to have an open tussle
 often makes  the bystanders sympathise 
with the assailant4 ,it is really a far 
more  civilised thing1 and often stands 
for a higher degree of force and honour1
  to be able to bear contradiction not  
ignobly4 ,direct conflict is a mistake1 
as a rule--blaming1 fault-finding1      
censuring1 snapping1 punishing4 ,the    
point is to put all your energy into    
your own life and work1 and make it     
outweigh the energy of the combative    
critic4 ,do not fight by destroying     

faulty opinion1 but by creating better  
opinion4 ,you fight darkness by         
lighting a candle1 not by waving a fan  
to clear it away4 ,look at one of the   
things we have been talking             
about--bullying in schools4 ,that has   
not been  conquered by expelling or     
whipping boys1 or preaching about it--it
 has been  abolished by kindlier and    
gentler family life1 by humaner         
school-masters  living with and among   
their boys1 till the happiness of more  
peaceful  relations all round has been  
instinctively perceived4    ,but isn't  
it right to show up mean and dishonest  
people1 to turn the light  of publicity 
upon cruel and detestable things8 said  
,vincent4    ,exactly1 my dear ,vincent1
 said ,father ,payne2 but you can't turn
 the  light of publicity on evil unless 
the light is there to turn4 ,the reason 
why bullying continued was because      
people believed in it as inseparable    
from school life1 and even1 on the      
whole1 bracing4 ,what has got rid of it 

is a kinder and more tender spirit      
outside4 ,i don't object to showing up  
bad things at all4 ,by all means put    
them1 if you can1 in a clear light1 and 
show their ugliness4 ,show your shame   
and disgust if you like1 but do not     
condescend to personal abuse4 ,that only
 weakens your case1 because it  merely  
proves that you have still some of the  
bully left in you4 ,be  peaceable       
writers1 my dear boys1 said ,father     
,payne1 expanding in a large  smile4    
,don't squabble1 don't try to scathe1   
don't be affronted6 ,if your  critic    
reveals a weak place in your work1 admit
 it1 and do better6 ,i want  to turn you
 out peace-makers1 and that needs as    
much energy and restraint  as any other 
sort of fighting4 ,don't make the fact  
that your opponent may  be a cad into a 
personal grievance4 ,make your own idea 
clear1 stick to it1  repeat it1 say it  
again in a more attractive way4 ,don't  
you see that not  yielding to a bad     
impulse is fighting8 ,the positive      

assertion of good1 the  shaping of      
beauty1 the presentment of a fruitful   
thought in so desirable a  light that   
other people go down with fresh courage 
into the dreariness and  dullness of    
life1 with all the delight of having a  
new way of behaving in  their minds and 
hearts--that's how ,i want you to fight6
 ,it requires the  toughest sort of     
courage1 ,i can tell you4 ,but instead  
of showing your  spirit by returning a  
blow1 show your spirit by propounding   
your idea in a  finer shape4 ,don't be  
taken in by the silly and ugly old      
war-metaphors--the  trumpet blown1 the  
gathering of the hosts4 ,that's simply a
 sensational  waste of your time6 ,look 
out of your window1 and then sit down to
 your  work4 ,that's the way to win1    
without noise or fuss4        ,,lv      
,,of ,,life-,,force      ,i walked one  
afternoon with ,father ,payne just as   
winter turned to spring1  in the        
pastures4 ,there was a mound at the     
corner of one of his fields1 on  which  

grew a row of beech trees of which      
,father ,payne was particularly  fond4  
,he pointed out to me to-day how the    
most southerly of the trees1  exposed as
 it was to the full force of the wind1  
grew lower and sturdier  than the rest1 
and how as the trees progressed towards 
the north1 each one  profiting more by  
the shelter of his comrades1 they grew  
taller and more  graceful4 ,i like the  
way that stout little fellow at the end 
grows1 said  ,father ,payne4 ,he doesn't
 know1 ,i suppose1 that he is protecting
 the rest1  and giving them room to     
expand4 ,but he holds on2 and though he 
isn't so  tall1 he is bulkier and denser
 than his brethren4 ,he knows that he   
has to  bear the brunt of the wind1 so  
he puts out no sail4 ,he just devotes   
himself  to standing four-square--he is 
not going to be bullied6 ,he would like 
to be  as smooth and as shapely as the  
rest1 but he knows his own business1 and
 he  has adapted himself1 like a        
sensible fellow1 to his rough           

conditions4    ,a little later ,father  
,payne stopped to look at a great       
sow-thistle that was  growing vigorously
 under a hedge-row4 ,did you ever see   
such a bit of pure  force8 said ,father 
,payne4 ,i see a fierce conscious life  
in every inch of  that plant4 ,look at  
the way he clips himself in1 and strains
 to the earth3  look at his great rays  
of leaves1 thrust out so geometrically  
from the  centre1 with the sharp1 horny1
 uncompromising thorns4 ,and see how he 
flattens down his leaves over the       
surrounding grasses3 they haven't a     
chance2 he just squeezes them down and  
strangles them4 ,there is no mild and   
delicate waving of fronds in the air4   
,he means to sit down firmly on the  top
 of his comrades4 ,i don't think ,i ever
 saw anything with such a muscular  pull
 on--you can't lift his leaves up2 look1
 he resists with all his might6  ,just  
consider the immense force which he is  
using3 he is not merely  snuggling down3
 he is just hauling things about4 ,you  

don't mean to tell me  that this thistle
 isn't conscious6 ,he knows he has      
enemies1 but he is going  to make the   
place his very own--and all that out of 
a drifting little arrow  of down6       
,now that may not be a sympathetic or   
even ,christian way of doing things1  he
 went on presently1 but for all that1 ,i
 do love to see the force of  life1 the 
intentness of living4 ,i like our friend
 the beech a little  better1 because he 
is helping his friends1 though he       
doesn't know it1 and  the thistle is    
only helping himself4 ,but ,i am sure   
that it is the right way  to go at it6  
,we mustn't be always standing aside and
 making room3 we  mustn't obliterate    
ourselves4 ,we have a right to our joy  
in life1 and we  mustn't be afraid of   
it4 ,if we give away what we have got1  
it must cost us  something--it must not 
be a mere relinquishing4    ,it is      
rather hard to combine the two          
principles1 ,i said--the living of      
life1 ,i mean1 and the giving away of   

life4    ,well1 ,i think that devotion  
is better than self-sacrifice1 said     
,father  ,payne4 ,on the whole ,i       
mistrust weakness more than ,i mistrust 
strength4  ,it's easy to dislike        
violence--but ,i rather worship         
vitality4 ,i would  almost rather see a 
man forcing his way through with some   
callousness1 than  backing out1 smiling 
and apologising4 ,you can convert       
strength1 you can't  do anything with   
weakness4 ,take the sort of work you    
fellows do4 ,i always  feel ,i can      
chasten and direct exuberance3 what ,i  
can't do is to impart  vigour4 ,if a man
 says his essay is short because he     
can't think of anything  to write1 ,i   
feel inclined to say1 ',then for        
goodness' sake hold your  tongue6' ,it's
 the people who can't hold their tongue1
 who go on roughly  pointing things out1
 and commenting1 and explaining1 and    
thrusting  themselves in front of the   
show1 who do something4 ,of course force
 has to  be kept in order1 but there it 

is--it lives1 it must have its say4     
,what you  have to learn is to insinuate
 yourself into life1 like ivy1 but      
without  spoiling other people's        
pleasure4 ,that's liberty6 ,the old     
thistle has no  respect for liberty1 and
 that is why he is rooted up4 ,but it's 
rather sad  work doing it1 because he   
does so very much want to be alive4 ,but
 it isn't  liberty simply to efface     
yourself1 because you may interfere with
 other  people4 ,the thing is to fit in1
 without disorganising everything about 
you4    ,he mused for a little in       
silence2 then he said1 ,it's like almost
  everything else--it's a weighing of   
claims6 ,i don't want you fellows to be 
either tyrannical or slavish4 ,it's     
tyrannical to bully1 it's slavish to    
defer4 ,the thing is to have a firm     
opinion1 not to be ashamed of it or     
afraid of it2 to say it reasonably and  
gently1 and to stick to it amiably4     
,good does not attack1 though if it is  
attacked it can slay4 ,good fights      

evil1 but it knows what it is fighting1 
while evil fights good and evil  alike4 
,i think that is true4 ,i don't want you
 people to be controversial or          
quarrelsome in what you write1 and to go
 in for picking holes in others'  work4 
,if you want to help a man to do better1
 criticise him  privately--don't slap   
him in public1 to show how hard you can 
lay on4 ,make  your own points1 explain 
if you like1 but don't apologise4 ,the  
great  writers1 mind you1 are the people
 who can go on4 ,it's volume rather than
  delicacy that matters in the end4 ,it 
must flow like honey--good solid        
stuff--not drip like rain1 out of mere  
weakness4 ,but the thing is to flow1    
and largeness of production is better   
than little bits of overhandled work4   
,mind that1 my boy6 ,it's force that    
tells3 and that's why ,i don't want you 
to be over-interested in your work4 ,you
 must go on filling up with  experience2
 but it doesn't matter where or how you 
get it1 as long as it is  eagerly done4 

,be on the side of life6 ,amor fati1    
that's the motto  for a man--to love his
 destiny passionately1 and all that is  
before him2  not to droop1 or           
sentimentalise1 or submit1 but to plunge
 on1 like a  'sea-shouldering whale'6   
,you remember old ,kit ,smart--         
',strong against tide1 the enormous     
whale    ,emerges as he goes4'    ,mind 
you emerge6 ,never heed the tide3       
there's plenty of room for it  as well  
as for you6        ,,lvi    ,,of        
,,conscience      ,lestrange was being  
genially bantered by ,rose one day at   
dinner on what  ,rose called problems of
 life and being1 or springs of action1  
or even  higher ground4 ,lestrange was  
oppressively earnest1 but he was always 
good-natured4    ,ultimately8 he had    
said1 why1 ultimately1 of course1 you   
must obey your  conscience4    ,no1 no6 
said ,father ,payne1 that won't do1     
,lestrange6 ,who are you1  after all8 ,i
 mean that the 'you' you speak of has   
something to say about  it1 to decide   

whether to disobey or to obey4 ,and     
then1 too1 the same 'you'  seems to have
 decided that conscience is to be       
obeyed4 ,the thing that you  describe as
 'yourself' is much more ultimate than  
conscience1 because if it  is not       
convinced that conscience is to be      
obeyed1 it will not obey4 ,i mean  that 
there is something which criticises even
 the conscience4 ,it can't be  reason1  
because your conscience over-rides your 
reason1 and it can't be  instinct1      
generally speaking1 because conscience  
often over-rides  instinct4    ,i am    
confused1 said ,lestrange4 ,i mean by   
conscience the thing which says  ',you  
ought6' ,that is what seems to me to    
prove the existence of ,god1  that there
 is a sense of a moral law which one    
does not invent1 and which  is sometimes
 very inconveniently aggressive4        
,yes1 that is all right1 said ,father   
,payne1 but how is it when there are    
two 'oughts1' as there often are8 ,a man
 ought to work--and he ought not to     

overwork--something else has to be      
called in to decide where one 'ought'   
begins and the other ends4 ,there is a  
perpetual balancing of moral claims4    
,your conscience tells you to do two    
things which are mutually               
exclusive--both are right in the        
abstract4 ,what are you to do then8     
,i suppose that reason comes in there1  
said ,lestrange4    ,then reason is the 
ultimate guide8 said ,father ,payne4    
,oh1 ,father1 you are darkening counsel1
 said ,lestrange4    ,no1 no1 said      
,father ,payne1 ,i am just trying to    
face facts4    ,well1 then1 said        
,lestrange1 what is the ultimate thing8 
,the ultimate thing1 said ,father       
,payne1 is of course the thing you call 
yourself--but the ultimate instinct is  
probably a sense of proportion--a  sense
 of beauty1 if you like6    ,but how    
does that work out in practice8 said    
,vincent4 ,it seems to me to  be a mere 
argument about names and titles4 ,you   
are using conscience as the  sense of   

right and wrong1 and1 as you say1 they  
often seem to have  conflicting claims4 
,lestrange used it in the further sense 
of the thing  which ultimately decides  
your course4 ,it is right to be         
philanthropic1 it  is right to be       
artistic--they may conflict2 but        
something ultimately tells  you what you
 can do1 which is really more important 
than what you  ought to do4    ,that is 
right1 said ,father ,payne1 ,i think the
 test is simply this--that  whenever you
 feel yourself paralysed1 and your      
natural growth arrested by  your        
obedience to any one claim--instinct1   
reason1 conscience1 whatever it  is--the
 ultimate power cuts the knot1 and tells
 you unfailingly where your  real life  
lies4 ,that is the real failure1 when   
owing to some habit1 some  dread1 some  
shrinking1 you do not follow your real  
life4 ,that1 it seems to  me1 is where  
the old unflinching doctrines of sin and
 repentance have done  harm4 ,the old   
self-mortifying saints1 who thought so  

badly of human nature1  and who tore    
themselves to pieces1 resisting         
wholesome impulses--celibate  saints who
 ought to have been married1 morbidly   
introspective saints who  needed hard   
secular work1 those were the people who 
did not dare to trust  the sense of     
proportion1 and were suspicious of the  
call of life4 ,look at  ,st4 ,augustine 
in the wonderful passage about light1   
'sliding by me in  unnumbered           
guises'--he can only end by praying to  
be delivered from the  temptation to    
enjoy the sight of dawn and sunset1 as  
setting his affections  too much upon   
the things of earth4 ,i mistrust the    
fear of life--,i mistrust  all fear--at 
least ,i think it will take care of     
itself1 and must not be  cultivated4 ,i 
think the call of ,god is the call of   
joy--and ,i believe that  the           
superstitious dread of joy is one of the
 most potent agencies of the  devil4    
,but there are many joys which one has  
to mistrust1 said ,lestrange2 mere      

sensual delights1 for instance4    ,yes1
 said ,father ,payne1 but most healthy  
and normal people1 after a very  little 
meddling with such delights1 learn      
certainly enough that they only  obscure
 the real1 wholesome1 temperate joys4   
,you have to compromise wisely  with    
your instincts1 ,i think4 ,you mustn't  
spend too much time in frontal  attacks 
upon them4 ,you have a quick temper1 let
 us say4 ,well1 it is better  to lose it
 occasionally and apologise1 than to    
hold your tongue about  matters in which
 you are interested for fear of losing  
it4 ,you are  avaricious--well1 hoard   
your money1 and then yield on occasions 
to a  generous impulse4 ,that's a better
 way to defeat evil1 than by dribbling  
money away in giving little presents    
which no one wants4 ,i don't believe in 
petty warfare against faults4 ,you know 
the proverb that if you knock too  long 
at a closed door1 the ,devil opens it to
 you8 ,just give your sins a  knock-down
 blow every now and then4 ,i believe in 

the fire of life more than  ,i believe  
in the cold water you use to quench it4 
,everything can be  forgiven to passion2
 nothing can be forgiven to chilly      
calculation4 ,the  beautiful impulse is 
the thing that one must not disobey2 and
 when ,i see  people do big1            
wrong-headed1 unguarded1 unwise things1 
get into rows1  sacrifice a reputation  
or a career without counting the cost1  
,i am inclined  to feel that they have  
probably done better for themselves than
 if they had  been prudent and cautious4
 ,i don't say that they are always      
right1 because  people yield sometimes  
to a mere whim1 and sometimes to a      
childishly  overwhelming desire2 but if 
there is a real touch of unselfishness  
about a  sacrifice--that's the test1    
that some one else's joy should be      
involved--then ,i feel that it isn't my 
business to approve or disapprove4 ,i   
feel in the presence of a force--an     
'ought' as ,lestrange says1 which makes 
me shy of intervening4 ,it's the wind of

 the ,spirit--it blows where it         
will--and ,i know this1 that ,i'm       
thankful beyond everything when ,i feel 
it  in my own sails4    ,tell me when   
you feel it next1 ,father1 said         
,vincent4    ,i feel it now1 said       
,father ,payne1 now and here4 ,and there
 was something  in his face which made  
us disinclined to ask him any further   
questions4        ,,lvii    ,,of ,,rank 
,someone had been telling a curious     
story about a contested peerage4 ,it was
  a sensational affair1 involving the   
alteration of registers1 the burning    
down of a vestry1 and the flight of a   
clergyman4    ,i like that story1 said  
,father ,payne1 and ,i like heraldry and
 rank and  all that4 ,it's decidedly    
picturesque4 ,i enjoy the zigzagging of 
a title  through generations4 ,but the  
worst of it is that the most picturesque
 of  all distinctions1 like being the   
twentieth baron1 let us say1 in direct  
descent1 is really of the nature of a   
stigma2 a man whose twentieth  ancestor 

was a baron has no excuse for not being 
a duke4    ,but what ,i don't like1 said
 ,rose1 is the awful sense of sanctity  
which  some people have about it4 ,i    
read a book the other day where the hero
  sacrificed everything in turn1 a      
career1 a fortune1 an engagement to a   
charming girl1 a reputation1 and last of
 all an undoubted claim to an  ancient  
barony4 ,i don't remember exactly why he
 did all these things--it  was noble1   
undoubtedly it was noble6 ,but there was
 something which made me  vaguely       
uncomfortable about the order in which  
he spun his various  advantages4        
,it's only a sense of beauty slightly   
awry1 said ,father ,payne2 names are    
curiously sacred things--they often seem
 to be part of the innermost  essence of
 a man4 ,i confess ,i would rather      
change most things than change  my name4
 ,i would rather shave my head1 for     
instance4    ,but my hero would have had
 to change his name if he had claimed   
the  peerage1 said ,rose4    ,yes1 but  

you see the title was his right name1   
said ,father ,payne2  he was only       
masquerading as a commoner1 you must    
remember4 ,why ,i should  value an      
ancient peerage is because ,i think it  
might improve my manners4               
,impossible6 said ,vincent4    ,thank   
you1 said ,father ,payne4 ,yes1 my      
manners are very good for a             
commoner--but ,i should like to be a    
little more in the grand style4 ,i      
should like to be able to look long at a
 person1 who said something of  which ,i
 disapproved1 and then change the       
subject4 ,that would be fine6 ,but ,i   
daren't do that now4 ,now ,i have to    
argue4 ,do you remember in ,daniel      
,deronda1 ,grandcourt's habit of looking
 stonily at smiling persons4 ,i  have   
often envied that6 ,whereas my chief    
function in life is looking  smilingly  
at stony persons1 and that's very       
bourgeois4    ,we must show more        
animation1 said ,barthrop to his        
neighbour4    ,i mean it6 said ,father  

,payne1 but come1 ,i won't be personal6 
,seriously1  you know1 the one thing ,i 
have admired in the very few great      
people ,i have  ever met is the absence 
of embarrassment4 ,they don't need to   
explain who  they are1 they haven't got 
to preface their statements of opinion  
by  fragments of autobiography1 to show 
their right to speak4 ,it is convenient 
to feel that if people don't know who   
you are1 they will feel slightly        
foolish afterwards when they discover1  
like the man who shook hands warmly     
with ,queen ,victoria1 and said1 ,i know
 the face quite well1 but ,i can't put  
a name to it4 ,it did not show any pride
 of birth in the ,queen to be  extremely
 amused by the incident4 ,but even more 
than that ,i admire the case  which     
people of that sort get by having had1  
from childhood onwards1 to  meet all    
sorts of persons1 and to behave         
themselves1 and to see that people  do  
not feel shy or uncomfortable4 ,i       
sometimes go about the village simply   

teeming with benevolence1 and ,i pass   
some one1 and can't think of anything   
to say4 ,if ,i had the great manner1 ,i 
should say1 ,why1 ,tommy1 is that you8  
or some such human signal1 which would  
not mean anything in particular1 but    
would after all express exactly what is 
in my mind4 ,but ,i can't just do  that4
 ,i rack my brains for an appropriate   
remark1 because ,i am  bourgeois1 and   
have not the point of honour1 as the    
,french say4 ,and by the  time ,i have  
elaborated it1 ,tommy is gone1 and ,jack
 is passing1 and ,i begin  elaborating  
again2 whereas ,i should simply add1 if 
,i were aristocratic1  ',and that's you1
 ,jack1 isn't it8' ,that's the way to   
talk4    ,we all laughed2 and ,barthrop 
said1 ,well1 ,i must say1 ,father1 that 
,i have  often envied you your power of 
saying something to everyone4    ,i have
 spent more trouble on it than it is    
worth1 said ,father ,payne2 and  that's 
my point1 that if ,i were only a great  
man1 ,i should have learnt it  all in   

childhood1 and should not have to waste 
time over it at all4 ,that's  the best  
of rank2 it's a device for saving       
trouble2 it saves introduction  and     
explanation and autobiography and       
elaborate civility1 and makes people    
willing to be pleased by the smallest   
sign of affability4 ,you may depend     
upon it that it was a very true instinct
 which made the ,scotch minister  pray  
that all might have honourable          
ancestors4 ,it isn't a sacred thing1    
rank1 and it isn't a magnificent        
thing--but it's a pleasant human sort of
  thing in the right hands4 ,what is    
more1 in these democratic days1 it tends
  to make people of rank additionally   
anxious not to parade the fact--and ,i  
doubt if there is anything on the whole 
happier than having advantages  which   
you don't want to parade--it gives a    
tranquil sort of contentment1  and it   
removes all futile ambitions4 ,to be1 by
 descent1 what a desperately            
industrious lawyer or a successful      

general feels himself amply rewarded for
  his toil by becoming1 isn't nothing4  
,i'm always rather suspicious of the    
people who try to pretend that it is    
nothing at all4 ,the rank is but the    
guinea stamp1 of course4 ,but after all 
the stamp is what makes it a guinea     
instead of an unnegotiable disc of      
metal6        ,,lviii    ,,of           
,,biography      ,father ,payne used    
often to say that he was more interested
 in biography  than in any other form of
 art1 and believed that there was a     
greater future  before it than before   
any other sort of literature4 ,just     
think1 ,i  remember his saying1 human   
portraiture--the most interesting thing 
in the  world by far--what the novel    
tries to do and can't do6    ,what      
exactly do you mean by 'can't do'8 ,i   
said4    ,why1 my boy1 said ,father     
,payne1 because we are all so horrified 
at the  idea of telling the truth or    
looking the truth in the face4 ,the     
novel  accommodates human nature1       

patches it up1 varnishes it1 puts it in 
a good  light3 it may be artistic and   
romantic and poetical--but it hasn't got
 the  beauty of truth4 ,life is much    
more interesting than any imaginative   
fricassee of it6 ,these realistic       
fellows--they are moving towards        
biography1 but they haven't got much    
beyond the backgrounds yet4    ,but why 
shouldn't it be done8 ,i said4 ,there's 
,boswell's ,johnson--why  does that     
stand almost alone8    ,why1 think of   
all the difficulties1 my boy1 said      
,father ,payne4 ,there's  nothing like  
,boswell's ,johnson1 of course--but what
 a subject6 ,there's  nothing that so   
proves ,boswells genius--we mustn't     
forget that--as the  other wretched     
stuff written about ,johnson4 ,there's a
 passage in ,boswell1  when he didn't   
see ,johnson for a long time1 and stuck 
in a few stories  collected from other  
friends4 ,they are awfully flat and     
flabby--they have  all been rolled about
 in some one's mind1 till they are as   

smooth as  pebbles--some bits of the    
crudest rudeness1 not worked up to--some
  knock-down schoolboy retorts which    
most civilised men would have had the   
decency to repress--and then we get back
 to the real ,boswell again1 and how    
fresh and lively it is6    ,but what are
 the difficulties you spoke of8 ,i said4
    ,why1 in the first place1 said      
,father ,payne1 a biography ought to be 
written during a man's life and not     
after it--and very few  people will take
 the trouble to write things down day   
after day about  anyone else1 as        
,boswell did4 ,if it waits till after a 
man's death1 a hush  falls on the       
scene--everyone is pious and            
sentimental4 ,of course1 ,boswell's     
life is inartistic enough--it wanders   
along1 here a letter1 there a lot of    
criticism1 here a talk1 there a         
reminiscence4 ,it isn't arranged--it has
 no  scheme3 but how full of zest it is6
 ,and then you have to be pretty        
shameless in pursuing your hero1 and    

elbowing other people away1 and  drawing
 him out2 and you have to be prepared to
 be kicked and trampled  upon1 when the 
hero is cross3 and then you have to be a
 considerable snob1  and say what you   
really value and admire1 however vulgar 
it is4 ,and then  you must expect to be 
called hard names when the book appears4
 ,i was  reading a review the other day 
of what seemed to me to be a harmless   
biography enough--a little frank and    
enthusiastic affair1 ,i gathered3 and   
the reviewer wrote in the style of      
,pecksniff1 caddish and priggish at the 
same time3 he called the man to task for
 botanising on his friend's  grave--that
 unfortunate verse of ,wordsworth's1 you
 know--and he left the  impression that 
the writer had done something indelicate
 and impious1 and  all with a           
consciousness of how high-minded he     
himself was4    ,you ought to write a   
biography as though you were telling    
your tale in a  friendly and gentle     
ear--you ought not to lose your sense of

 humour1 or be  afraid of showing your  
subject in a trivial or ridiculous      
light4 ,look at  ,boswell again--,i     
don't suppose a more deadly case could  
be made out against  any man1 with      
perfect truth1 than could be made out   
against ,johnson4 ,you  could show him  
as brutal1 rough1 greedy1 superstitious1
 prejudiced1 unjust1  and back it all up
 by indisputable evidence--but it's the 
balance1 the net  result1 that matters6 
,we have all of us faults2 we know them1
 our friends  know them--why the devil  
should not everyone know them8 ,but then
 an  interesting man dies1 and everyone 
becomes loyal and sentimental4 ,not a   
word must be said which could pain or   
wound anyone4 ,the friends and          
relations1 it would seem1 are not pained
 by the dead man's faults1 they are     
only pained that other people should    
know them4 ,the biography becomes a     
mixture of disinfectants and perfumes1  
as if it were all meant to hide some    
putrid thing4 ,it's like what ,jowett   

said about a testimonial1 ',there's a   
strong smell here of something left     
out6' ,we have hardly ever had anything 
but romantic biographies hitherto1 and  
they all smell of something left  out4  
,there's a tribe somewhere in ,africa   
who will commit murder if anyone  tries 
to sketch them4 ,they think it brings   
bad luck to be sketched1 a sort  of     
'overlooking' as they say4 ,well that   
seems to be the sort of  superstition   
that many people have about biographies1
 as if the departed  spirit would be    
vexed by anything which isn't a         
compliment4 ,i suppose it is  partly    
this--that many people are ill-bred1    
glum1 and suspicious1 and can't  bear   
the idea of their faults being recorded4
 ,they hate all frankness3 and  so when 
anything frank gets written1 they talk  
about violating sacred  confidences1 and
 about shameless exposures4 ,it is      
really that we are all  horribly        
uncivilised1 and can't bear to give     
ourselves away1 or to be given  away4   

,of course we don't want biographies of 
merely selfish1 stupid1  brutal1        
ill-bred men--but everyone ought to be  
thankful when a life can be  told       
frankly1 and when there's enough that is
 good and beautiful to make it  worth   
telling4    ,but1 as ,i said1 the thing 
can't be done1 unless it is written to a
 great  extent in a man's lifetime4     
,conversation is a very difficult thing 
to  remember--it can't be remembered    
afterwards--it needs notes at the time3 
and few people's talk is worth          
recording2 and even if it is1 people are
 a  little ashamed of doing it--there   
seems something treacherous about it3   
but  it ought to be done1 for all that6 
,you don't want so very much of it--,i  
don't suppose that ,boswell has got down
 a millionth part of all ,johnson       
said--you just want specimens--enough to
 give the feeling of it and the  quality
 of it4 ,one doesn't want immensely long
 biographies--just enough to  make you  
feel that you have seen a man and sat   

with him and heard him  talk--and the   
kind of way in which he dealt with      
things and people4 ,i'll  tell you a man
 who would have made a magnificent      
biography--,lord ,melbourne4  ,he had a 
great charm1 and a certain whimsical and
 fantastic humour1 which  made him do   
funny little undignified things1 like a 
child4 ,but every single  dictum of     
,melbourne's has got something original 
and graceful about  it--always full of  
good sense1 never pompous1 always with a
 delicious  lightness of touch4 ,the    
only person who took the trouble to put 
down  ,melbourne's sayings1 just as they
 came out1 was ,queen ,victoria--but    
then  she was in love with him without  
knowing it3 and in the end he got stuck 
into the heaviest and most ponderous of 
biographies1 and is lost to the  world4 
,stale politics--there's nothing to beat
 them for dulness  unutterable6    ,but 
isn't it an almost impossible thing1 ,i 
said1 to expect a man who is  a         
first-rate writer1 with ambitions in    

authorship1 to devote himself to        
putting down things about some          
interesting person with the chance of   
their  never being published8 ,very few 
people would have sufficient            
self-abnegation for that4    ,that's    
true enough1 said ,father ,payne1 and of
 course it is a risk--a man  must run   
the risk of sacrificing a good deal of  
his time and energy to  recording       
unimportant details1 perhaps quite      
uselessly1 but with this  possibility   
ahead of him1 that he may produce an    
immortal book--and ,i grant  you that   
the infernal vanity and                 
self-glorification of authors is a real 
difficulty in the way4    ,he was silent
 for a minute or two1 and then he said3 
,now1 ,i'll tell you  another           
difficulty1 that at present people only 
want biographies of men of  affairs1 of 
big performers1 men who have done       
things--,i don't want that4 ,i  want    
biographies of people who wielded a     
charm of personality1 even if they      

didn't do things--people1 ,i mean1 who  
deserve to live and to be               
loved4--,those are the really puzzling  
figures a generation later1 the men  who
 lived in an atmosphere of admiring and 
delighted friendship1 radiating  a sort 
of enchanting influence1 having the most
 extravagant things said and  believed  
about them by their friends1 and yet    
never doing anything in  particular4    
,people1 ,i mean1 like ,arthur ,hallam1 
whose letters and remains  are fearfully
 pompous and tiresome--and who yet had  
,in ,memoriam  written about him1 and   
who was described by ,gladstone as the  
most perfect  human being1 physically1  
intellectually and morally1 he had ever 
seen4 ,then  there is ,browning's       
,domett--the prototype of ,waring--and  
,keats's friend  ,james ,rice1 and      
,stevenson's friend ,ferrier--that's a  
matchless little  biographical fragment1
 ,stevenson's letter about              
,ferrier--those are the sort  of figures
 ,i mean1 the men who charmed and       

delighted everyone1 were brave  and     
humorous1 gave a pretty turn to         
everything they said--those are the     
roses by the wayside6 ,they had         
ill-health some of them1 they hadn't the
  requisite toughness for work1 they    
even took to drink1 or went to the bad4 
,but they are the people of quality and 
tone1 about whom one wants to know  much
 more than about sun-burnt and positive 
,generals--the strong silent  sort--or  
overworked politicians bent on          
conciliating the riff-raff4 ,i don't    
want to know about men simply because   
they did honest work1 and still less    
about men who never dared to say what   
they thought and felt4 ,you can't make  
a striking picture out of a sense of    
responsibility6 ,i'm not underrating    
good work--it's fine in every way1 but  
it can't always be written about4       
,there are exceptions1 of course4       
,nelson and ,wellington would have been 
splendid subjects1 if anyone had really 
,boswellised them4 ,but ,nelson had a   

theatrical touch about him1 and became  
almost too romantic a hero2 while  the  
,duke had a fund of admirable humour and
 almost grotesque directness of         
expression1--and he has never been half 
done justice to1 though you can see     
from ,lord ,mahon's little book of      
,table ,talk and ,benjamin ,haydon's    
,diary1 and the letters to ,miss ,j41   
what a rich affair it all might  have   
been1 if only there had been a perfectly
 bold1 candid1 and truthful  biographer4
    ,but the charming people of whom you
 spoke1 ,i said--isn't the whole thing  
often too evanescent to be recorded8    
,not a bit of it6 said ,father ,payne1  
and these are the people we want to     
hear about1 because they represent the  
fine flower of civilisation4 ,if a  man 
has a delightful friend like that1      
always animated1 fresh1 humorous1       
petulant1 original1 he couldn't do      
better than observe him1 keep scraps of 
his talk1 record scenes where he took a 
leading part1 get the impression  down4 

,it may come to nothing1 of course1 but 
it may also come to something  worth    
more than a thousand twaddling novels4  
,the immense use of  it--if one must    
think about the use--is that such a life
 might really show  commonplace and     
ordinary people how to handle the       
simplest materials of  life with zest   
and delicacy4 ,novels don't really do   
that--they only make  people want to    
escape from middle-class conditions1    
what everyone is the  better for seeing 
is not how life might conceivably be    
handled1 but how it  actually has been  
handled1 freshly and distinctly1 by     
someone in a  commonplace milieu4 ,life 
isn't a bit romantic1 but it is devilish
  interesting4 ,it doesn't go as you    
want it to go4 ,sometimes it lags1      
sometimes it dances2 and horrible things
 happen1 often most unexpectedly4  ,in  
the novel1 everything has to be rounded 
off and led up to1 and you never  get a 
notion of the inconsequence of life4    
,the interest of life is not what       

happens1 but how it affects people1 how 
they meet it1 how they fly from it3  the
 relief of a biography is that you      
haven't got to invent your setting  and 
your character--all that is done for    
you3 you have just got to select  the   
characteristic things1 and not to blur  
the things that you would have  wished  
otherwise4 ,for ,god's sake1 let us get 
at the truth in books1 and not  use them
 as screens to keep the fire off1 or as 
things to distract one from  the        
depressing facts in one's bank-book4 ,i 
welcome all this output of  novels1     
because it at least shows that people   
are interested in life1 and  trying to  
shape it4 ,but ,i don't want romance1   
and ,i don't want ugly and  sensational 
realism either4 ,that is only romance in
 another shape4 ,i want  real men and   
women--not from an autobiographical     
point of view1 because  that is         
generally romantic too--but from the    
point of view of the friends  to whom   
they showed themselves frankly and      

naturally1 and without that  infernal   
reticence which is not either reverence 
or chivalry1 but simply an  inability to
 face the truth1--which is the direct   
influence of the spirit  of evil4 ,if   
one of my young men turns out a good    
biography of an  interesting person1    
however ineffective he was1 ,i shall not
 have lived in  vain4 ,for1 mind        
this--very few people's performances are
 worth remembering1  while very many    
people's personalities are4        ,,lix
    ,,of ,,exclusiveness      ,rose told
 a story one night which amused ,father 
,payne immensely4 ,he had  been up in   
town1 and had sate next a ,minister's   
wife1 who had been very  confidential4  
,she had said to ,rose that her husband 
had just been elected  into a small     
dining-club well known in ,london1 where
 the numbers were very  limited1 the    
society very choice1 and where a single 
negative vote excluded  a candidate4 ,i 
don't think1 said the good lady1 that my
 husband has ever  been so pleased at   

anything that has befallen him1 not even
 when he was  first given office--such a
 distinguished club--and so exclusive6  
,father  ,payne laughed loud and shrill4
 ,that's human nature at its nakedest6  
he  said4 ,it's like ,miss ,tox1 in     
,dombey and ,son1 you know1 who1 when   
,dombey asked her if the school she     
recommended was select1 said1 ',it's    
exclusion itself6' ,what people love is 
the power of being able to  exclude--not
 necessarily disagreeable people1 or    
tiresome people1  but simply people who 
would like to be inside--      ',loving 
not1 hating not1 just choosing so4'     
,those are the two great forces of      
society1 you know--the exclusive force1 
and the inclusive force3 the force that 
says1 ',we few1 we happy few1 we  band  
of brothers'2 and the force which says1 
',the more the merrier4' ,the  exclusive
 force is represented by caste and      
class1 by gentility and  donnishness1 by
 sectarianism and nationalism1 and even 
by patriotism--and  the inclusive force 

is represented by ,walt ,whitmanism and 
,christianity4    ,but what about ,st4  
,paul's words1 said ,lestrange1 ',honour
 all men3 love  the brotherhood'8       
,that's an attempt to recognise both1   
said ,father ,payne1 smiling4 ,of       
course you can't love everyone          
equally--that's the error of            
democracy--democracy is really one of   
the exclusive forces1 because it        
excludes the heroes--it is 'mundus      
contra ,athanasium1'--it is best        
illustrated by what the ,american       
democrat said to ,charles ,kingsley1    
',my  principle is whenever you see a   
head above the crowd1 hit it4'          
,democracy  is1 at its worst1 the       
jealousy of the average man for the     
superior man4    ,but which is the best 
principle8 said ,vincent4    ,both are  
necessary1 said ,father ,payne4 ,one    
must aim at inclusiveness1 of  course3  
and we must be quite certain that we    
exclude on the ground of  qualities1 and
 not on the ground of superficial       

differences4 ,the best  influences in   
the world arise not from individuals but
 from groups--and  there is no sort of  
reason why groups should spoil their    
intensive  qualities by trying to admit 
outsiders4 ,the strength of a group lies
 in the  fact that one gets the sense of
 fellowship and common purpose1 of      
sympathy  and encouragement4 ,a man who 
has to fight a battle single-handed is  
always  tempted to wonder whether1 after
 all1 it is worth all the trouble and   
misunderstanding4 ,but1 on the other    
hand1 you are at liberty to mistrust    
the men who say that they don't want to 
know people4 ,do you remember how       
,charles ,lamb once said1 ',i do hate   
the ,trotters6' ',but ,i thought you    
didn't  know them8' said someone4       
',that's just it1' said ,charles ,lamb1 
',i never can  hate anyone that ,i      
know6' ,the best bred man is the man who
 finds it easy to  get on with everybody
 on equal terms3 but it's part of the   
snobbishness of  human nature that      

exclusiveness is rather admired than    
otherwise4 ,there's a  delightfully     
exclusive woman in one of ,henry ,james'
 novels1 who refuses to  be introduced  
to a family4 ,she entirely declines1 and
 the man who is  anxious to effect the  
introduction says1 ',i can't think why  
you object to  them4' ',they are        
hopelessly vulgar1' says the incisive   
lady1 'and in this  short life1 that is 
enough6' ,but ,st4 ,paul's remark is    
really very good1  because it means     
',treat everyone with courtesy--but     
reserve your fine  affections for the   
inner circle1 whose worth you really    
know6'--it's a  better theory than that 
of the man who said1 ',it is enough for 
me to be  with those whom ,i love6'     
,that's rather inhuman4    ,do you      
remember1 said ,barthrop1 the lines in  
,tennyson's ,guinevere1 which  sum up   
the knightly attributes8      ',high    
thought1 and amiable words1    ,and     
courtliness1 and the desire of fame1    
,and love of truth1 and all that makes a

 man4'    ,that's very interesting and  
curious6 said ,father ,payne4 ,dear me1 
,i had  forgotten that--did ,tennyson   
say that8--,come--let's have it again6  
,barthrop repeated the lines again4     
,now1 that's the gentlemanly ideal of   
the sixties1 said ,father ,payne1  and1 
good heavens1 how offensive it sounds6  
,the most curious part of it  really is 
'the desire of fame'--of course1 a      
hundred years ago1 no one made  any     
secret of that6 ,you remember ,nelson's 
frank confession1 made not once1  but   
many times1 that he pursued glory1      
',defeat--or ,westminster               
,abbey'--didn't he say that8    ,but    
surely people pursue fame as much as    
ever8 said ,vincent4    ,i daresay1 said
 ,father ,payne1 but it isn't now       
considered good taste to  say so4 ,you  
have got to pretend1 at all events1 that
 you wish to benefit  humanity          
now-a-days4 ,if a man had said to       
,ruskin or ,carlyle1 ',why do you  write
 all these books8' and they replied1    

',it is because of my desire for  fame1'
 it would have been thought vulgar4     
,there's that odd story of ,robert      
,browning1 when he received an ovation  
at ,oxford1 and someone said to him1    
',i suppose you don't care about all    
this1' he said1 ',it is what ,i have    
waited for all my life6' ,i wonder if he
 did say it6 ,i think he must  have     
done1 because it is exactly the sort of 
thing that one is supposed not  to      
say--and ,i confess ,i don't like it--it
 seems to me vain1 and not proud1  ,i   
don't mind a kind of pride--,i think a  
man ought to know what he is  worth3 but
 ,i hate vanity4 ,perhaps that's only   
because ,i haven't been a  success      
myself4    ,but mayn't you desire fame8 
said ,vincent4 ,it seems to me rather   
priggish  to condemn it6    ,many fine  
things sound priggish when they are     
said1 said ,father ,payne4  ,but1 to be 
frank1 ,i don't think that a man ought  
to desire fame4 ,i think  he may desire 
to do a thing well4 ,i don't think he   

ought to desire to do it  better than   
other people4 ,it is the wanting to beat
 other people which is  low4 ,why not   
wish them to do it well too8    ,you    
mean that the difference between pride  
and vanity lies there8 said  ,barthrop4 
,yes1 ,i do1 said ,father ,payne1 and it
 is a pity that pride is included in    
the deadly sins1 because the word has   
changed its sense4 ,pride used to mean  
the contempt of others--that's a deadly 
sin1 if you like4 ,it used to mean a    
ghastly sort of self-satisfaction1      
arrived at by comparison of yourself    
with others4 ,but now to be called a    
proud man is a real compliment4 ,it     
means that a man can't condescend to    
anything mean or base4 ,we ought all to 
be proud--not proud of anything1 because
 that is vulgar1 but ashamed  of doing  
anything which we know to be feeble or  
low4 ,the ,pharisee in the  parable was 
vain1 not proud1 because he was         
comparing himself with other  people4   
,but it is all right to be grateful to  

,god for having a sense of  decency1    
just as you may be grateful for having a
 sense of beauty4 ,the  hatefulness of  
it comes in when you are secretly glad  
that other people  love indecency and   
ugliness4    ,that is the exclusive     
feeling then8 said ,barthrop4    ,yes1  
the bad kind of exclusiveness1 said     
,father ,payne--the kind of             
exclusiveness which ministers to        
self-satisfaction4 ,and that is the     
fault  of the group when it becomes a   
coterie4 ,the coterie means a set of    
inferior  people1 bolstering up each    
other's vanity by mutual admiration4 ,in
 a  coterie you purchase praise for your
 own bad work1 by pretending to admire  
the bad work of other people4 ,but the  
real group is interested1 not in each   
other's fame1 but in the common work4   
,it seems to me confusing1 said         
,vincent4    ,not a bit of it1 said     
,father ,payne2 we have to consider our 
limitations3  we are limited by time and
 space4 ,you can't know everybody and   

love  everybody and admire              
everybody--and you can't sacrifice the  
joy and  happiness of real intimacy with
 a few for a diluted acquaintance with  
five  hundred people4 ,but you mustn't  
think that your own group is the only   
one--that is the bad exclusiveness--you 
ought to think that there are  thousands
 of intimate groups all over the world1 
which you could love just  as           
enthusiastically as you love your own1  
if you were inside them3 and  then1     
apart from your own group1 you ought to 
be prepared to find  reasonable and     
amiable and companionable people        
everywhere1 and to be able  to put      
yourself in line with them4 ,why1 good  
heavens1 there are millions of  possible
 friends in the world6 and one of my    
deepest and firmest hopes  about the    
next world1 so to speak1 is that there  
will be some chance of  communicating   
with them all at once1 instead of       
shutting ourselves up in a  frowsy room 
like this1 smelling of meat and wine4 ,i

 don't deny you are very  good fellows1 
but if you think that you are the only  
fit and desirable  company in the world 
for me or for each other1 ,i tell you   
plainly that you  are utterly mistaken4 
,that's why ,i insist on your travelling
 about1 to  avoid our becoming a        
coterie4    ,then it comes to this1 said
 ,vincent drily1 that you can't be      
inclusive1  and that you ought not to be
 exclusive8    ,yes1 that's exactly it6 
said ,father ,payne4 ,you meant to shut 
me up with  one of our patent ,oxford   
epigrams1 ,i know--and1 of course1 it is
 deuced  smart6 ,but put it the other   
way round1 and it's all right4 ,you     
can't help  being exclusive1 and you    
must try to be inclusive--that's the    
truth1 with  the ,oxford tang taken out6
    ,we laughed at this1 and ,vincent   
reddened4    ,don't mind me1 old man6   
said ,father ,payne1 but try to make    
your epigrams  genial instead of        
contemptuous--inclusive rather than     
exclusive4 ,they are  just as true1 and 

the bitter flavour is only fit for the  
vitiated taste of  ,dons4 ,and ,father  
,payne stretched out a large hand down  
the table1 and  enclosed ,vincent's in  
his own4    ,yes1 it was a nasty turn1  
said ,vincent1 smiling1 ,i see what you 
mean4    ,the world is a friendlier     
place than people know1 said ,father    
,payne4 ,we  have inherited a suspicion 
of the unknown and the unfamiliar4      
,don't you  remember how the ladies in  
,the ,mill on the ,floss mistrusted each
  other's recipes1 and ate dry bread in 
other houses rather than touch jam or   
butter made on different methods4 ,that 
is the old bad taint4 ,but ,i think we  
are moving in the right direction4 ,i   
fancy that the awakening may be very    
near1 when we shall suddenly realise    
that we are all jolly good fellows1  and
 wonder that we have been so blind4     
,a ,roman ,catholic friend of mine1 said
 ,rose--he is a priest--told me that  he
 attended a clerical dinner the other   
day4 ,the health of the ,pope was       

proposed1 and they all got up and sang1 
',for he's a jolly good fellow6'        
,there was a loud laugh at this4 ,i like
 that1 said ,father ,payne1 ,i like     
their doing that6 ,i expect that that is
 exactly what the ,pope is6 ,i should   
dearly love to have a good long quiet   
talk with him6 ,i think ,i could let in 
a little light3 and ,i should like to   
ask him if he enjoyed his fame1 dear    
old boy3 and whether he was interested  
in his work6 ',why1 ,mr4 ,payne1 it's   
rather anxious work1 you know1 the care 
of all the churches'--,i can hear  him  
saying--'but ,i rub along1 and the time 
passes quickly6 though1 to be  sure1    
,i'm not as young as ,i was once3 and   
while ,i am on the subject1 ,mr4        
,payne1 you look to me to be getting on 
in years yourself6' ,and then ,i  should
 say ',yes1 your ,holiness1 ,i am a man 
that has seen trouble4' ,and he  would  
say1 ',i'm sorry to hear that6 ,tell me 
all about it6' ,that's how we  should   
talk1 like old friends1 in a snug       

parlour in the ,vatican1 looking  out on
 the gardens6        ,,lx    ,,of       
,,taking ,,life      ,i was walking with
 ,father ,payne one hot summer day upon 
a field-path he was  very fond of4      
,there was a copse1 through the middle  
of which the little  river1 the ,fyllot1
 ran4 ,it was the boundary of the       
,aveley estate1 and it  here joined     
another stream1 the ,rode1 which came in
 from the south4 ,the  path went through
 the copse1 dense with hazels1 and there
 was always a  musical sound of lapsing 
waters hidden in the wood4 ,the birds   
sang shrill  in the thicket1 and ,father
 ,payne said1 ,this is the juncture of  
,pison and  ,hiddekel1 you know1 rivers 
of ,paradise4 ,aveley is ,havilah1 where
 the gold  is good1 and where there is  
bdellium1 if we only knew where to look 
for it4  ,i fancy it is rich in         
bdellium4 ,i came down here1 ,i         
remember1 the first day  ,i took        
possession4 ,it was wonderful1 after    
being so long among the tents of        

,kedar1 to plant my flag in ,havilah2 ,i
 made a vow that day--,i don't know if  
,i have kept it6    ,what was that8 ,i  
said4    ,only that ,i would not get too
 fond of it all1 said ,father ,payne1   
smiling1  and that ,i would share it    
with other people4 ,but ,i have got very
 fond of  it1 and ,i haven't shared it4 
,asking people to stay with you1 that   
they may  see what a nice place you have
 to live in1 is hardly sharing it4 ,it  
is  rather the other way--the last      
refinement of possession1 in fact6      
,it's very odd1 he went on1 that ,i     
should love this little bit of the      
world so much as ,i do4 ,it's called    
mine--that's a curious idea4 ,i have got
  very little power over it4 ,i can't   
prevent the trees and flowers from      
growing here1 or the birds from nesting 
here1 if they have a mind to do so4  ,i 
can only keep human beings out of it1   
more or less4 ,and yet ,i love it  with 
a sort of passion1 so that ,i want other
 people to love it too4 ,i  should like 

to think that after ,i am gone1 some one
 should come here and  see how          
exquisitely beautiful it is1 and wish to
 keep it and tend it4  ,that's what lies
 behind the principle of inheritance2 it
 isn't the money or  the position only  
that we desire to hand on to our        
children--it's the love  of the earth   
and all that grows out of it2 and       
possession means the desire  of keeping 
it unspoiled and beautiful1 ,i could    
weep at the idea of this all  being     
swept away1 and a bdellium-mine being   
started here1 with a  factory-chimney   
and rows of little houses2 and yet ,i   
suppose that if the  population         
increased1 and the land was all         
nationalised1 a great deal of  the      
beauty of ,england would go4 ,i hope1   
however1 that the sense of beauty  might
 increase too--,i don't think the       
country people here have much notion  of
 beauty4 ,they only like things to      
remain as they know them4 ,it's a       
fearful luxury really for a man like    

myself to live in a land like this1 so  
full of old woodland and pasture1 which 
is only possible under rich             
proprietors4 ,i'm an abuse1 of course4  
,i have got a much larger slice of my   
native soil than any one man ought to   
have2 but ,i don't see the way out4     
,the individual can't dispossess        
himself--it's the system which is wrong4
    ,he stopped in the middle of the    
copse1 and said3 ,did you ever see      
anything  so perfectly lovely as this   
place8 ,and yet it is all living in a   
state of  war and anarchy4 ,the trees   
and plants against each other1 all      
fighting for  a place in the sun4 ,the  
rabbit against the grass1 the bird      
against the  worm1 the cat against the  
bird4 ,there's no peace here            
really--it's full of  terrors6 ,only the
 stream is taking it easy4 ,it hasn't to
 live by taking  life1 and the very     
sound of it is innocent4    ,presently  
he said3 ,this is all cut down every    
five years4 ,it's all made  into        

charcoal and bobbins4 ,then the flowers 
all come up in a rush2 then the  copse  
begins to grow again--,i never can make 
up my mind which is most  beautiful4 ,i 
come and help the woodmen when they cut 
the copse4 ,that's  pleasant work1 you  
know1 cutting and binding4 ,i sometimes 
wonder if the  hazels hate being slashed
 about4 ,i expect they do2 but it can't 
hurt them  much1 for up they come again4
 ,it's the right way to live1 of course1
 to  begin again the minute you are cut 
down to the roots1 to struggle out to   
the air and sun again1 and to give      
thanks for life4 ,don't you feel        
yourself  as if you were good for       
centuries of living8    ,i'm not sure   
that ,i do1 ,i said1 ,i don't feel as if
 ,i had quite got my  hand in4    ,yes1 
that's all right for you1 old boy1 said 
,father ,payne4 ,you are  learning to   
live1 and you are living4 ,but an old   
fellow like me1 who has  got in the way 
of it1 and has found out at last how    
good it is to be alive1  has to realise 

that he has only got a fag-end left4 ,i 
don't at all want to  die2 ,i've got my 
hands as full as they can hold of pretty
 and delightful  things2 and ,i don't at
 all want to be cut down like the copse1
 and to have  to build up my branches   
again4 ,yes1 he added1 pondering1 ,i    
used to think  ,i should not live long1 
and ,i didn't much want to1 ,i believe6 
,but now--it's  almost disgraceful to   
think how much ,i prize life1 and how   
interesting ,i  find it4 ,depend upon   
it1 on we go6 ,the only thing that is   
mysterious to me  is why ,i love a place
 like this so much4 ,i don't suppose it 
loves me4 ,i  suppose there isn't a     
beast or a bird1 perhaps not a tree or a
 flower1 in  the place that won't be    
rather relieved when ,i go back home    
without having  killed something4 ,i    
expect1 in fact1 that ,i have left a    
track of death  behind me in the        
grass--little beetles and things that   
weren't doing any  harm1 and that liked 
being alive4 ,that's pretty beastly1 you

 know1 but how  is one to help it8 ,then
 my affection for it is very futile4 ,i 
can't  establish a civilised system     
here2 ,i can't prevent the creatures    
from  eating each other1 or the trees   
from crowding out the flowers4 ,i can't 
eat  or use the things myself1 ,i can't 
take them away with me2 ,i can only     
stand  and yearn with cheap sentiment4  
,and yet1 he said after a moment1       
there's something here in this bit of   
copse that whispers to me beautiful     
secrets--the sunshine among the stems1  
the rustle of leaves1 the wandering     
breeze1 the scent and coolness of it    
all6 ,it is crammed with beauty2 it is  
all trying to live1 and glad to live4   
,you may say1 of course1 that you don't 
see all that in it1 and it is ,i that   
am abnormal4 ,but that doesn't explain  
it away4 ,the fact that ,i feel it is a 
better proof that it is there than the  
fact that you don't feel it is a  proof 
that it isn't there6 ,the only thing    
about it that isn't beautiful to  me is 

the fact that life can't live except by 
taking life--that there is no  right to 
live2 and that1 ,i admit1 is            
disconcerting4 ,you may say to me1 ',you
  old bully1 crammed with the corpses of
 sheep and potatoes1 which you  haven't 
even had the honesty to kill for        
yourself1 you dare to come here1  and   
talk this stuff about the beauty of it  
all1 and the joy of living4 ,if  all the
 bodies of the things you have consumed 
in your bloated life were  piled        
together1 it would make a thing as big  
as a whole row of ricks6' ,if  you say  
that1 ,i admit that you take the        
sentiment out of my sails6    ,but ,i   
don't say it1 said ,i3 ,who dies if     
,father ,payne live8    ,he laughed at  
this1 and clapped me on the back4       
,you're in the same case as  ,i1 old    
man1 he said1 only you haven't got such 
a pile of blood and bones  to your      
credit6 ,here1 we must stow this talk1  
or we shall become both  humbugs and    
materialists4 ,it's a puzzling business1

 talking6 ,it leads you  into some very 
ugly places6        ,,lxi    ,,of       
,,bookishness      ,i went in to see    
,father ,payne one morning about some   
work4 ,he was reading a  book with      
knitted brows3 he looked up1 gave a nod1
 but no smile1 pointed to  a chair1 and 
,i sate down3 a minute or two later he  
shut the book--a neat  enough little    
volume--with a snap1 and skimmed it     
deftly from where he  sate1 into his    
large waste-paper basket4 ,this1 by the 
way1 was a curious  little              
accomplishment of his1--throwing things 
with unerring aim4 ,he could  skim more 
cards across a room into a hat than     
anyone ,i have ever seen who  was not a 
professed student of legerdemain4       
,what are you doing8 ,i said--such a    
nice little book6 ,i rose and rescued   
the volume1 which was a careful enough  
edition of some poems and scraps of     
poems1 posthumously discovered1 of a    
well-known poet4    ,pray accept it with
 my kindest regards1 said ,father       

,payne4 ,no1 ,i don't  know that ,i     
ought to give it you4 ,it is the sort of
 book ,i object  to4    ,why8 ,i said1  
examining it--it seems harmless enough4 
,it's the wrong sort of literature1 said
 ,father ,payne4 ,there isn't time1  or 
there ought not to be1 to go fumbling   
about with these old scraps4 ,they      
aren't good enough to publish--and      
what's more1 if the man didn't publish  
them himself1 you may be sure he had    
very good reasons for not doing  so4    
,the only interest of them is that so   
good a poet could write such  drivel1   
and that he knew it was drivel          
sufficiently well not to publish it4    
,but the man who can edit it doesn't    
know that1 and the critics who review   
it don't know it either--it was a       
respectful review that made me buy the  
rubbish--and as for the people who read 
it1 ,god alone knows what they think  of
 it4 ,it's a case of      ',weave a     
circle round him thrice1    ,and close  
your eyes in holy dread4'    ,you have  

to shut your eyes pretty tight not to   
see what bosh it all is--it  is all this
 infernal reverence paid by people1 who 
have no independence of  judgment1 to   
great reputations4 ,it reminds me of the
 barber who used to cut  the ,duke of   
,wellington's hair and nails1 who made  
quite a lot of money by  selling        
clippings to put in lockets6    ,but    
isn't it worth while to see a great     
poet's inferior jottings1 and to  grasp 
how he worked8 said ,i4    ,no1 said    
,father ,payne2--at least it would be   
worth while to see how he  brought off  
his good strokes1 but it isn't worth    
while seeing how he missed  his stroke  
altogether4 ,this deification business  
is all unwholesome4 ,in  art1 in life1  
in religion1 in literature1 it's a      
mistake to worship the  saints--you     
don't make them divine1 you only confuse
 things1 and bring down  the divine to  
your own level4 ,the truth--the         
truth--why can't people see  how        
splendid it is1 and that it is one's    

only chance of getting on6 ,to shut     
your eyes to the possibility of the     
great man having a touch of the         
commonplace1 a touch of the ass1 even a 
touch of the knave in him1 doesn't      
ennoble your conception of human nature4
 ,if you can only glorify humanity  by  
telling lies about it1 and by ruling out
 all the flaws in it1 you end by  being 
a sentimentalist4 ,see thou do it not   
444 worship ,god6 that's one of  the    
finest things in the ,bible4 ,of course 
it is magnificent to see a streak  of   
the divine turning up again and again in
 human nature--but you have got  to wash
 the dirt to find the diamond4 ,believe 
in the beauty behind and in  and beyond 
us all--but don't worship the imperfect 
thing4 ,this sort of book  is like      
selling the dirt out of which the       
diamonds have been washed1 and  which   
would appear to have gained holiness by 
contact4 ,i hate to see people  stopping
 short on the symbol and the            
illustration1 instead of passing on to  

the truth behind--it's idolatry4 ,it's  
one degree better than worshipping      
nothing2 but the danger of idolatry is  
that you are content to get no  further3
 and that is what makes idolatry so     
ingenious a device of the  devil1 that  
it persuades people to stop still and   
not to get on4    ,but aren't you making
 too much out of it8 ,i said4 ,at the   
worst1 this is  a harmless literary     
blunder1 a foolish bit of hero-worship8 
,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 in a sense   
that is true1 that these little         
literary hucksters and pedlars don't do 
any very great harm--,i don't mean  that
 they cause much mischief3 but they are 
the symptom of a grave disease4  ,it is 
this d----d bookishness which is so     
unreal4 ,i would like to  say a word    
about it to you1 if you have time1      
instead of doing our work  to-day--for  
if you will allow me to say so1 my boy1 
you have got a touch of  it about       
you--only a touch--and ,i think if ,i   
can show you what ,i mean1 you  can     

throw it off--,i have heard you say     
rather solemn things about books6  ,but 
,i want you to get through that4 ,it    
reminds me of the talk of  ritualists4  
,i have a poor friend who is a very     
harmless sort of parson--but  ,i have   
heard him talk of a bit of ceremonial   
with tears in his eyes4 ',it  was       
exquisite1 exquisite1' he will          
say1--'the celebrant wore a cope--a bit1
  ,i believe of genuine pre-,reformation
 work--of course remounted--and the     
,gospeller and ,epistoller had copes so 
perfectly copied that it would have     
been hard to say which was the real one4
 ,and then ,father ,wynne holds  himself
 so nobly--such a mixture of humility   
and pride--a priest ought to  exhibit   
both1 ,i think1 at that moment8--and his
 gestures are so  inevitable--so        
inevitable--that's the only word3       
there's no sense of  rehearsal about it3
 it is just the supreme act of worship  
expressing itself  in utter             
abandonment'--,he will go on like that  

for an hour if he can find a  great     
enough goose to listen to him4 ,now1 ,i 
don't mean to say that the man  hasn't a
 sense of beauty--he has the real ritual
 instinct1 a perfectly  legitimate      
branch of art4 ,but he doesn't know it's
 art--he thinks it is  religion4 ,he    
thinks that ,god is preoccupied with    
such things2 'a full  choral ,high      
,mass1 at nine o'clock1 that's a thing  
to live and die for1' ,i  have heard him
 say4 ,of course it's a sort of         
idealism1 but you must know  what you   
are about1 and what you are idealising3 
and you mustn't think that  your kind is
 better than any other kind of          
idealising4    ,he made a pause1 and    
then held out his hand for the book4    
,now here is the same sort of           
intemperate rapture1 he said4 ,look at  
this  introduction6 ',it is his very    
self that his poems give1 and the       
sharpest  jealousy of his name and fame 
is enkindled by them4 ,not to find him  
there1  his passion1 endurance1 faith1  

rapture1 despair1 is merely a confession
 of  want in ourselves4' ,that's not    
sane1 you know--it's the intoxication of
 the  ,corybant6 ,it isn't the man      
himself we want to fix our eyes upon4   
,he felt  these things1 no doubt3 but we
 mustn't worship his raptures--we must  
worship what he worshipped4 ,this sort  
of besotted agitation is little  better 
than a dancing dervish4 ,the poems are  
little sparks1 struck out from  a scrap 
of humanity by some prodigious and      
glorious force3 but we must  worship the
 force1 not the spark3 the spark is only
 an evidence1 a system1  a symbol if you
 like1 of the force4 ,and then see how  
utterly the man has  lost all sense of  
proportion--he has spent hours and days 
in identifying  with uncommon patience  
the exact date of these tepid scraps1   
and he says he  is content to have laid 
a single stone in the unamended1        
unabridged1  authentic temple of his    
idol's fame4 ,that seems to me simply   
degrading3  and then the portentous ass1

 whose review ,i read1 says that if the 
editor  had done nothing else1 he is    
sure of an honoured place for ever in   
the  hierarchy of impeccable critics6   
,and what is all this jabber about--a   
few  rhymes which a man made when he was
 feeling a little off colour1 and which 
he did not think it worth while to      
publish6    ,you mustn't get into this  
kind of a mess1 my boy4 ,the artist     
mustn't  indulge in emotion for the sake
 of the emotion4 ',the weakness of      
life1'  says this pompous ass1 'is that 
it deviates from art6' ,you might just  
as  well say that the weakness of food  
was that it deviated from a well-cooked 
leg of mutton6 ,art is just an attempt  
to disentangle something1 to get at  one
 of the big constituents of life4 ,it   
helps you to see clearly1 not to        
confuse one thing with another1 not to  
be vaguely impressed--the hideous       
danger of bookishness is that it is one 
of the blind alleys into which  people  
get4 ,these two fellows1 the editor and 

his critic1 have got stuck  there3 they 
can't see out3 they think their little  
valley is the end of the  world4 ,i     
expect they are both of them very happy 
men1 as happy as a man who  goes to bed 
comfortably drunk4 ,but1 good ,god1 the 
awakening6 ,father ,payne  relapsed into
 a long silence1 with knitted brows4 ,i 
tried to start him  afresh4    ,but you 
often tell us to be serious1 to be      
deadly earnest1 about our  work8 ,i     
said4    ,oh yes1 said ,father ,payne1  
that's another matter4 ,we have to work 
hard1  and put the best of ourselves    
into what we do4 ,i don't want you to be
 an  amiable dilettante4 ,but ,i also   
want you to see past even the best art4 
,you  mustn't think that the            
stained-glass window is the body of     
heaven in its  clearness4 ,the sort of  
worshippers ,i object to are the men who
 shut  themselves up in a church1 and   
what with the colour and the music and  
the  incense-smoke1 think they are in   
heaven already4 ,it's an intoxication1  

all  that4 ,i don't get you men to come 
here to make you drunk1 but to get you  
to  loathe drunkenness4 ,god--that's the
 end of it all6 ,god1 who reveals       
,himself  in beauty and kindness1 and   
trustfulness1 and charm and interest1   
and in a  hundred pure and fine         
forces--yet each of them are but avenues
 which lead  up to ,him1 the streets of 
the city1 full of living water4 ,but it 
is  movement ,i am in search of--and ,i 
would rather be drowned in the depth of 
the sea than mislead anyone1 or help him
 to sit still4 ,i have made an awful    
row about it all1 said ,father ,payne1  
relapsing into a milder mood--,but  you 
will forgive me1 ,i know4 ,i can't bear 
to see these worthy men blocking  the   
way with their unassailable1 unabridged1
 authentic editions4 ,they are  like    
barbed-wire entanglements3 and the worst
 of it is that1 in spite of  all their  
holy air of triumph1 they enjoy few     
things more than tripping  each other   
up6 ,they condemn each other to eternal 

perdition for misplacing  a date or     
misspelling a name4 ,it's like getting  
into a bed of nettles to  get in among  
these little hierophants4 ,they remind  
me of the bishops at  some ancient      
,church ,council or other who tore the  
clothes off two right  reverend         
consultants1 and literally pulled them  
limb from limb in the name  of ,christ4 
,that's the end of these holy raptures1 
my boy6 ,they unchain the  beast within4
        ,,lxii    ,,of ,,consistency    
,there had been a little vague talk     
about politics1 and someone had quoted a
  definition of a true ,liberal as a man
 who1 if he had only to press a button  
in a dark room to annihilate all cranks1
 faddists1 political quacks1            
extremists1 propagandists1 and          
nostrum-mongers1 would not dream of     
doing  so1 as a matter of conscience1 on
 the ground that everyone has a right to
  hold his own beliefs and to persuade  
the world to accept them if he can4     
,father ,payne laughed at this2 but     

,rose1 who had been nettled1 ,i fancy1  
at a  lack of deference for his         
political experience1 his father being a
 ,unionist  ,m4,p41 said loudly1 ,hear1 
hear6 that's the only sort of ,liberal  
whom ,i  respect4    ,a look of sudden  
anger passed over ,father ,payne's      
face--unmistakable and  uncompromising  
wrath4 ,come1 ,rose1 he said1 this isn't
 a political  meeting2 and even if it   
were1 why proclaim yourself as accepting
 a  definition which is almost within   
the comprehension of a chimpanzee8      
,there was a faint laugh at this1 but   
everyone had an uncomfortable sense of  
thunder in the air4 ,rose got rather    
white1 and his nostrils expanded4 ,i'm  
sorry ,i put it in that way1 he said    
rather frostily1 if you object4 ,but ,i 
mean it1 ,i think4 ,i don't like diluted
 ,liberalism4    ,yes1 but you beg the  
question by calling it diluted1 said    
,father ,payne4  ,if anyone had said    
that the only ,tory he respected was a  
man who if he  could press a button in a

 still darker room1 and by doing so     
bring it to  pass that all institutions 
on the face of the earth would remain   
immutably  fixed for ever and ever1 and 
would feel himself bound conscientiously
 to do  it1 you wouldn't accept that as 
a definition of ,conservatism8 ,these   
things  are not hard and fast matters of
 principle--they are only tendencies4   
,toryism is an instinct to trust custom 
and authority1 ,liberalism is an        
instinct to welcome development and     
change4 ,all that the definition of     
,liberalism which was quoted means is1  
that the ,liberal has a deep respect    
for freedom of opinion2 and all that my 
grotesque definition of ,toryism  means 
is that a ,tory prefers to trust a fixed
 tradition4 ,but1 of course1  both want 
a settled ,government1 and both have to 
recognise that the world  and its       
conditions change4 ,the ,tory says1     
',look before you leap'2 the  ,liberal  
says1 ',leap before you look4' ,but it  
is really all a matter of  infinite     

gradations1 and what differentiates     
people is merely their idea of  the pace
 at which things can go and ought to go4
 ,why should you say that  you can only 
respect a man who wants to go at sixty  
miles an hour1 any more  than ,i should 
say ,i can only respect a man who wants 
to remain absolutely  still8    ,rose   
had by this time recovered his temper1  
and said1 ,it was rather crude1  ,i     
admit4 ,but what ,i meant was that if a 
man feels that all opinions are of      
equal value1 he must give full weight to
 all opinions4 ,the doctrinaire         
,liberal seems to me to be just as much 
inclined to tyrannise as the            
doctrinaire ,tory1 and to use his       
authority on the side of suppression    
when  it is convenient to do so1 and    
against all his own principles4    ,i   
don't think that is quite fair1 said    
,father ,payne4 ,you must have a        
working system2 you can't try everyone's
 experiments4 ,all that the ,liberal    
says is1 ',persuade us if you can4'     

,pure ,liberalism would be anarchy1 just
  as pure ,toryism would be tyranny4    
,both are intolerable4 ,but just as the 
,liberal has to compromise and say1     
',this may not be the ultimate theory of
  the ,government1 but meanwhile the    
world has to be governed1' so the ,tory 
has to compromise1 if a large majority  
of the people say1 ',we will not be     
governed by a minority for their        
interest2 we will be governed for our   
own4' ,the parliamentary vote is just a 
way of avoiding civil war2 you can't    
always resort to force1 so you resort to
 arbitration4 ,but why the ,liberal     
position is on the whole the stronger is
 because it says frankly1 ',if you      
,tories can persuade the nation to ask  
you to govern it1 we will obey you4'    
,the weakness of the ,tory position is  
that it has to make exactly the same    
concessions1 while it claims to be      
inspired by a divine sort of knowledge  
as to what is just and right4 ,i        
personally mistrust all intuitions which

  lead to tyranny4 ,of course1 the      
weakness of the whole affair is that the
  man who believes in democracy has to  
assume that all have equal rights2  that
 would be fair enough if all people were
 born equal in character and  ability1  
and influence and wealth4 ,but that     
isn't the case2 and so the  ,liberal    
says1 ',democracy is a bad system       
perhaps1 but it is the only  system1'   
and it is fairer to maintain that       
everyone who gets into the world  has as
 good a right as anyone else to be      
there1 than it is to say1 ',some  people
 have a right to manage the world and   
some have only a duty to obey4'  ,both  
represent a side of the truth1 but      
neither represents the whole truth4  ,at
 worst ,liberalism is a combination of  
the weak against the strong1 and        
,toryism a combination of the strong    
against the weak6 ,i personally wish the
  weak to have a chance2 but what we all
 really desire is to be governed by  the
 wise and good1 and my hope for the     

world is that the quality of it is      
improving4 ,i want the weak to become   
sensible and self-restrained1 and the   
strong to become unselfish and          
disinterested4 ,it is generosity that ,i
 want  to see increase--it is the finest
 of all qualities--the desire1 ,i mean  
to  serve others1 to admire1 to         
sympathise1 to share1 to rejoice1 in    
other  people's happiness4 ,that would  
solve all our difficulties4    ,yes1 of 
course1 said ,rose4 ,but ,i would like  
to go back again1 and say  that what ,i 
was praising was consistency4    ,but   
there is no such thing1 said ,father    
,payne1 except in combination  with     
entire irrationality4 ,one can't say at 
any time of one's life1 ',i know        
everything worth knowing4 ,i am in a    
position to form a final judgment4' ,you
  can say1 ',i will shut off all fresh  
light from my mind1 and ,i will consider
  no further evidence1' but that isn't a
 thing to respect6 ,i begin to  suspect1
 ,rose1 that why you praised the        

uncompromising ,liberal1 as you call    
him1 is because he is the only kind of  
opponent who isn't dangerous4 ,a man    
who takes up such a position as ,i have 
described is practically insane4 ,he    
has a fixed idea1 which neither argument
 nor evidence can alter4 ,the           
uncompromising man of fixed opinions1   
whatever those opinions may be1 is      
almost the only man ,i do not respect1  
because he is really the only           
inconsistent person4 ,he says1 ',i have 
formed an opinion which is based on     
experience1 and ,i shall not alter it4' 
,that is tantamount to saying that  you 
have done with experience2 it is a claim
 to have attained infallibility  through
 fallible faculties4 ,where is the      
dignity of that8 ,it's just a           
deification of stupidity and            
stubbornness and insolence and          
complacency4    ,but you must take your 
stand on some certainties1 said ,rose4  
,the fewer the better1 said ,father     
,payne4 ,one may learn to discriminate  

between things1 and to observe          
differences2 but that is very different 
from  saying that you have got at the   
ultimate essence of any one thing4 ,i am
 all  for clearness--we ought not to    
confuse things with each other1 or use  
the  same names for different things2   
but ,i'm all against claiming absolute  
and  impeccable knowledge4 ,it may be a 
comfortable system for a man who doesn't
  want to be bothered2 but he is only   
deferring the bother--he is like a man  
who stays in bed because he doesn't like
 dressing4 ,but it isn't a solution  to 
stay in bed--it is only suspending the  
solution4 ,no1 we mustn't have any      
regard for human consistency--it's a    
very paltry attribute2 it's the         
opposite of anthropomorphism4 ,that     
makes out ,god to be in the image of    
man1  but consistency claims for man the
 privilege of ,god4 ,and that isn't     
wholesome1 you know1 either for a man or
 his friends6    ,i give up1 said ,rose3
 can nothing be logical8    ,hardly     

anything1 said ,father ,payne1 except   
logic itself4 ,you have to  coin logical
 ideas into counters to play with4 ,no  
two things1 for instance1  can ever be  
absolutely equal1 except imaginary      
equalities--and that's the  mischief of 
logic applied to life1 that it presumes 
an exact valuation of  the ideas it     
works with1 when no two people's        
valuations of the same idea  are        
identical1 and even one person's        
valuation varies from time to time2  and
 logic breeds a phantom sort of         
consistency which only exists in the    
imagination4 ,you know the story of how 
,smith and ,jones were arguing1 and     
,smith said1 ',brown will agree with    
me'3 ',yes1' said ,jones triumphantly1  
'he  will1 but for my reasons6'         
,,lxiii    ,,of ,,wrens ,,and ,,lilies  
,it was the first warm and sunny day1   
after a cold and cloudy spring3 ,i took 
a long and leisurely walk with ,father  
,payne down a valley among woods1 of    
which ,father ,payne was very fond4     

,almost precipitous for                 
,northamptonshire1  eh8 he used to say4 
,i was very full of a book ,i had been  
reading1 but ,i  could not get him to   
talk4 ,he made vague and foolish        
replies1 and said  several times1 ,i    
shall have to think that over1 you know1
 which was1 ,i  well knew1 a polite     
intimation that he was not in a mood for
 talk4 ,but ,i  persisted1 and at last  
he said1 ,hang it1 you know1 ,i'm not   
attending--,i'm  very sorry--it isn't   
your fault--but there's such a lot going
 on  everywhere4 ,he quoted a verse of  
,the ,shropshire ,lad1 of which he  was 
very fond3      ',now1 of my threescore 
years and ten1    ,twenty will not come 
again1    ,and take from seventy springs
 a score1    ,it only leaves me fifty   
more'2    adding1 ,that's the only      
instance ,i know of a subtraction sum   
made into  perfect poetry--but it's the 
other way round1 worse luck6      ,and  
add to seventy springs a score1    ,that
 only leaves me forty more6    ,the     

birds were singing very sweetly in the  
copses as we passed--,that isn't  art1  
,i believe1 said ,father ,payne4 ,it's  
only the reproductive instinct1 ,i  am  
told6 ,i wish it took such an artistic  
form in my beloved brothers in the      
,lord6 ,there1 he added1 stopping and   
speaking in a low tone2 don't           
move--there's a cock-wren singing his   
love-song--you can see his wings        
quivering4 ,there followed a little     
tremolo1 with four or five emphatic     
notes for a finish4 ,now1 if you listen1
 you'll hear the next wren answer  him6 
said ,father ,payne4 ,in a moment the   
same little song came like an echo  from
 a bush a few yards away4 ,the wren     
sings in stricter time than any  bird   
but the cuckoo1 said ,father            
,payne--four quavers to a bar4 ,that's  
very important6 ,those two ridiculous   
creatures will go on doing that half    
the morning4 ,they are so excited that  
they build sham nests1 you know1  about 
now--quite useless piles of twigs and   

moss1 not intended for eggs1  just to   
show what they can do4 ,but that little 
song6 ,it has all the passion  of the   
old chivalry in it--it is only to say1  
',my ,dulcinea is prettier1  sweeter1   
brighter-eyed than yours6' and the other
 says1 ',you wait till ,i  can get at   
you1 and then we will see6' ,if they    
were two old knights1 they  would fight 
to the death over it1 till the world had
 lost a brave man1 and  one of the      
,dulcineas was a hapless widow1 and     
nothing proved4 ,that's the  sort of    
thing that men admire1 full of fine     
sentiment4 ,why can't we leave  each    
other alone8 ,why does loving one person
 make you want to fight  another8 ,just 
look at that wren3 he's as full of joy  
and pride as he can  hold3 look at the  
angle at which he holds his tail3 he    
feels the lord of  the world1 sure      
enough6    ,we walked on1 and ,i asked  
no more questions4 ,there's a bit of    
colour1  said ,father ,payne1 pointing  
to a bare wood1 all carpeted with green 

blades4  ,that's pure emerald1 like the 
seventh foundation of the city4 ,now1 if
 ,i  ask you1 who are a bit of a poet1  
what those leaves are1 what do you say8 
,you say hyacinth or daffodil1 or       
perhaps lily-of-the-valley4 ,but what   
does  the simple botanist--that's       
me--say8 ,garlic1 my boy1 and nothing   
else6 and  you had better not walk      
musing there1 or you will come in       
smelling of  spring onions1 like a      
greengrocer's shop4 ,so much for poetry6
 ,it's the  loveliest green in creation1
 and it has a pretty flower too--but    
it's never  once mentioned in ,english  
poetry1 so far as ,i know4 ,and yet     
,keats had the  face to say that ,beauty
 was ,truth and ,truth ,beauty6 ,that's 
the way we play  the game4    ,we       
rambled on1 and passed a pleasant old   
stone-built cottage in the wood1  with a
 tiny garden4 ,it's a curious thing1    
said ,father ,payne1 but in the  spring 
,i always want to live in all the houses
 ,i see4 ,it's the nesting  instinct1 no

 doubt4 ,i think ,i could be very happy 
here1 for instance--much  happier than  
in my absurd big house1 with all you    
fellows about4 ,why did ,i  ever start  
it8 ,i ought to have had more sense4 ,i 
want a cottage like this1  and a little 
garden to work in1 and a few books4 ,i  
would live on bread and  cold bacon and 
cheese and cabbages1 with a hive of my  
own honey4 ,i should  get wise and      
silent1 and not run on like this4    ,a 
dog came out of the cottage garden1 and 
followed us a little way4 ,do we  belong
 to your party1 sir1 or do you belong to
 ours8 said ,father ,payne4  ,the dog   
put his head on one side1 and wagged his
 tail4 ,it appears ,i have  the pleasure
 of your acquaintance6 said ,father     
,payne to him4 ,very well1  you can set 
us on our way if you like6 ,the dog gave
 a short shrill bark1  and trotted along
 with us4 ,when we got to the end of the
 lane1 where it  turned into the high   
road1 ,father ,payne said to the dog1   
,now1 sir1 ,i  expect that's all the    

time you can spare this morning8 ,you   
must go back and  guard the house1 and  
be a faithful dog4 ,duty first6 ,the dog
 looked  mournfully at us1 and wagged   
his tail1 but did not attempt to come   
farther4  ,he watched us for a little   
longer1 but as we did not invite him to 
come on1  he presently turned round and 
trotted off home4 ,now1 that's the sort 
of  case where ,i feel sentimental1 said
 ,father ,payne4 ,it's the sham sort of 
pathos4 ,i hate to see anyone           
disappointed4 ,a person offering flowers
 in the  street for sale1 and people not
 buying them--the men in ,london showing
 off  little toys by the pavement1 which
 nobody wants--,i can't bear that4 ,it  
makes me feel absurdly wretched to see  
anyone hoping to please1 and not        
pleasing4 ,and if the people who do it  
look old and frail and unhappy1 ,i'm    
capable of buying the whole stock4 ,the 
great uncomforted6 ,it's silly1 of      
course1 and there is nothing in the     
world so silly as useless emotion6 ,it  

is so easy to overflow with cheap       
benevolence1 but the first step towards 
the joyful wisdom is to be afraid of the
 emotion that costs you nothing3  but we
 won't be metaphysical to-day6          
,presently ,father ,payne insisted on   
sitting down in a sheltered place4 ,he  
flung his hat off1 and sate there1      
looking round him with a smile1 his arms
  clasped round his big knees4 ,well1 he
 said1 it's a jolly place1 the old      
world1 to be sure6 ,plenty of nasty and 
ugly things1 ,i suppose1 going on in    
corners2 but if you look round1 they are
 only a small percentage of the  happy  
things4 ,they don't force themselves    
upon the eye and ear1 the beastly       
things3 and it's a stupid and faithless 
mistake to fix the imagination and  the 
reason too much upon them4 ,we are all  
of us in a tight place  occasionally1   
and we have to meet it as best we can4  
,but ,i don't think we  do it any better
 by anticipating it beforehand4 ,what is
 more1 no one can  really help us or    

deliver us3 we can be made a little more
 comfortable1 and  that's all1 by what  
they call cooling drinks1 and flowers in
 a vase by the  bedside4 ,and it's a bad
 thing to get the misery of the world in
 a vague way  on our nerves4 ,that's the
 useless emotion4 ,we have got certain  
quite  definite things to do for other  
people in our own circle1 and we are    
bound  to do them2 we mustn't shirk     
them1 and we mustn't shirk our own      
troubles1  though the less we bother    
about them the better4 ,i am not at all 
sure that  the curse of the newspapers  
is not that they collect all the evils  
of the  world into a hideous posy1 and  
thrust it under our nose4 ,they don't   
collect  the fine1 simple1 wholesome    
things4 ,now you and ,i are better      
employed  to-day in being agreeable to  
each other--at least you are being kind 
to me1  even though ,i can't talk about 
that book--and in looking at the        
delightful  things going on             
everywhere--just think of all the       

happiness in the world  to-day1         
symbolised by that ridiculous wren6--we 
are better employed1 ,i say1  than if we
 were extending the commerce of         
,england1 or planning how to make  war1 
or scolding people in sermons about     
their fatal indifference to the  things 
that belong to their peace4 ,men and    
women must find and make their  own     
peace1 and we are doing both to-day4    
,that awful vague sense of              
responsibility1 that desire to          
interfere1 that wish that everyone else 
should do uncomplaining what we think to
 be their duty--that's all my eye6  ,it 
is the kindly1 eager1 wholesome life    
which affects the world1 wherever  it is
 lived3 and that is the best which most 
of us can do4 ,we can't be  always      
fighting4 ,even the toughest old veteran
 soldier--how many hours of  his life   
has he spent actually under fire8 ,no1  
,i'm not forgetting the  workers either3
 but you need not tell me that they are 
all sick at heart  because they are not 

dawdling in a country lane4 ,it would   
bore them to  death1 and they can live a
 very happy life without it4 ,that's the
 false  pathos again--to think that     
everyone who can't do as we like must be
  miserable4 ,and anyhow1 ,i have done  
my twenty-five years on the treadmill1  
and ,i am not going to pretend it was   
noble work1 because it wasn't4 ,it was  
useless and disgraceful drudgery1 most  
of it6    ,ah1 ,i said1 but that doesn't
 help me4 ,you may have earned a        
holiday1 but  ,i have never done any    
real drudgery--,i haven't earned        
anything4    ,be content1 said ,father  
,payne2 take two changes of raiment6    
,you have got  your furrow to           
plough--all in good time6 ,you are      
working hard now1 and  don't let me hear
 any stuff about being ashamed because  
you enjoy it6 ,the  reward of labour is 
life3 to enjoy our work is the secret4  
,if you could  persuade people that the 
spring of life lies there1 you would do 
more for  the happiness of man than by  

attending fifty thousand committees4    
,but ,i  won't talk any more4 ,i want to
 consider the lilies of the field1 how  
they  grow4 ,they don't do it every day6
        ,,lxiv    ,,of ,,pose           
,someone said rashly1 after dinner      
to-night1 that the one detestable and   
unpardonable thing in a man was pose4 ,a
 generalisation of this kind acted  on  
,father ,payne very often like a ferret 
on a rabbit4 ,he had been  mournfully   
abstracted during dinner1 shaking his   
head slowly1 and turning  his eyes to   
heaven when he was asked leading        
questions4 ,but now he said3 ,i  don't  
think that is reasonable--you might as  
well say that you always  disliked      
length in a book4 ,a book has got to be 
some length--it is as short  as it's    
long4 ,of course1 the moment you begin  
to say1 ',how long this book  is6' you  
mean that it is too long1 and excess is 
a fault4 ,do you remember  the subject  
proposed in a school debating society1  
',that too much athletics  is worthy of 

our admiration'8 ,pose is like          
that--when you become conscious  of pose
 it is generally disagreeable--that is1 
if it is meant to deceive3  but it is   
often amusing too1 like the pose of the 
unjust judge in the  parable1 who       
prefaces his remarks by saying1 ',though
 ,i fear not ,god1  neither regard man4'
    ,oh1 but you know what ,i mean1     
,father1 said the speaker1 the pose of  
knowing when you don't know1 and being  
well-bred when you are snobbish1 and    
being kind when you are mean1 and so on4
    ,i think you mean humbug rather than
 pose1 said ,father ,payne2 but even    
so1 ,i don't agree with you4 ,i have a  
friend who would be intolerable1 but    
for his pose of being agreeable4 ,he    
isn't agreeable1 and he doesn't feel    
agreeable2 but he behaves as if he was1 
and it is the only thing that makes  him
 bearable4 ,what you really mean is the 
pose of superiority--the man  whose     
motives are always just ahead of your   
own1 and whose taste is always  slightly

 finer1 and who knows the world a little
 better4 ,but there is a lot  of pose   
that isn't that4 ,what is pose1 after   
all8 ,can anyone define  it8    ,it's an
 artist's phrase1 ,i think1 said        
,barthrop2 it means a position in  which
 you look your best4    ,like the       
,archbishop who was always painted in a 
gibbous attitude--first  quarter1 you   
know--with his back turned to you1 and  
his face just visible  over his lawn    
sleeve1 said ,father ,payne1 but that   
was in order to hide an  excrescence on 
his left cheek4 ,do you remember what   
,lamb said of ,barry  ,cornwall's wen on
 the nape of his neck8 ,some one said   
that ,barry ,cornwall  was thinking of  
having it cut off4 ',i hope he won't do 
that1' said ,lamb1 ',i  rather like     
it--it's redundant1 like his poetry6' ,i
 rather agree with ,lamb4  ,i like      
people to be a little redundant1 and a  
harmless pose is pure  redundancy3 it   
only means that a man is up to some     
innocent game or other1  some sort of   

mystification1 and is enjoying himself4 
,it's like a summer  haze over the      
landscape4 ,now1 there's another friend 
of mine who was once  complimented on   
his 'uplifted' look4 ,whenever he thinks
 of it1 and that's  pretty often1 he    
looks uplifted1 like a bird drinking1   
with his eyes fixed  on some far-off    
vision4 ,i don't mind that6 ,it's only a
 wish to look his  best4 ,it's partly a 
wish to give pleasure1 you know4 ,it's  
the same thing  that makes people wear  
their hair long1 or dress in a          
flamboyant way4 ,i'll  tell you a little
 story4 ,you know ,bertie ,nash1 the    
artist4 ,i met him once  in a ,post     
,office1 and he was buying a sheet of   
halfpenny stamps4 ,i asked  him if he   
was going to send out some circulars4   
,he looked at me sadly1 and  said1 ',no1
 ,i always use these--,i can't use the  
penny stamps--such a crude  red6' ,now1 
he didn't do that to impress me3 but it 
was a pose in a way1 and  he liked      
feeling so sensitive to colour4    ,but 

oughtn't one to avoid all that sort of  
nonsense8 said some one2 it's  better   
surely to be just what you are4    ,yes1
 but what are you1 after all8 said      
,father ,payne2 your moods  vary4 ,it   
would be hopeless if everyone tried to  
keep themselves down to  their worst    
level for the sake of sincerity4 ,the   
point is that you ought to  try to keep 
at your best level1 even if you don't   
feel so4 ,hang it1 good  manners are a  
pose1 if it comes to that4 ,the essence 
of good manners is  sometimes to conceal
 what you are feeling4 ,is it a pose to 
behave amiably  when you are tired or   
cross8    ,no1 but that is in order not 
to make other people uncomfortable1 said
  ,vincent4    ,well1 it's very hard to 
draw the line1 said ,father ,payne3 but 
what we  really mean by pose is1 ,i     
imagine1 the attempt to appear to be    
something  which you frankly are        
not--and that is where the word has     
changed its  sense1 ,barthrop4 ,an      
artist's pose is something              

characteristic1 which makes  a man look 
his best4 ,what we generally mean by    
pose is the affecting a best  which one 
never reaches4 ,come1 tell a story1 some
 one6 ,that's the best way  to get at a 
quality4 ,won't some one quote an       
illustration8    ,what about my friend  
,pearce1 the schoolmaster8 said         
,vincent4 ,he read a  book about        
schoolmastering1 and he said he didn't  
think much of it4 ,he  added that the   
author seemed only to be giving elegant 
reasons for doing  things which the born
 schoolmaster did by instinct4    ,well1
 that's not a bad criticism1 said       
,father ,payne2 but it was pose if  he  
meant to convey that he was a born      
schoolmaster4 ,is he one1 by  the way8  
,no1 said ,vincent1 he is not3 he is    
much ragged by the boys2 but he         
comforts himself by thinking that all   
schoolmasters are ragged1 but that he   
is rather more successful than most in  
dealing with it4 ,he has a great deal   
of moral dignity1 has ,pearce6 ,i don't 

know where he would be without it6      
,well1 there's an instance1 said ,father
 ,payne1 of a pose being of some  use4  
,i think a real genuine pose often makes
 a man do better work in the  world than
 if he was drearily conscious of        
failure4 ,it's a game1 you  know--a     
dramatic game3 and ,i think it's a sign 
of vitality and interest to  want to    
have a game4 ,it's like the lawyer's    
clerk in ,our ,mutual  ,friend1 when    
,mr4 ,boffin calls to keep an           
appointment1 being the  lawyer's only   
client2 but the boy makes a show of     
looking it all up in a  ledger1 runs his
 finger down a list of imaginary        
consultants1 and says to  himself1 ',mr4
 ,aggs1 ,mr4 ,baggs1 ,mr4 ,caggs1 ,mr4  
,daggs1 ,mr4 ,boffin--,yes1 sir1  that  
is right6' ,now there's no harm in that 
sort of thing--it's only a bit  of moral
 dignity1 as ,vincent says4 ,it's no    
good acquiescing in being a  humble     
average person--we must do better than  
that6 ,most people believe in           

themselves in spite of abundant evidence
 to the contrary--but it's better  than 
disbelieving in yourself4 ,that's       
abject1 you know4    ,but if you accept 
the principle of pose1 said ,lestrange1 
,i don't see  that you can find fault   
with any pose4    ,you might as well    
say1 said ,father ,payne1 that if ,i    
accept the principle  of drinking       
alcohol1 it doesn't matter how much ,i  
drink6 ,almost all  morality is         
relative--in fact1 it is doubtful if it 
is ever absolute4 ,the  mischief of pose
 is not when it makes a man try to be or
 to appear at his  best3 but when a man 
lives a thoroughly unreal life1 taking a
 high line in  theory and never         
troubling about practice1 then it's     
incredible to what  lengths             
self-deception can go4 ,dr4 ,johnson    
said that he looked upon himself  as a  
polite man6 ,it is quite easy to get to 
believe yourself impeccable in  certain 
points3 and as one gets older1 and less 
assailable1 and less liable  to be      

pulled up and told the hard truth1 it is
 astonishing how serenely you  can sail 
along4 ,but that isn't pose exactly4 ,it
 generally begins by a pose1  and       
becomes simple imperviousness2 and that 
is1 after all1 the danger of            
pose1--that it makes people blind to the
 truth about themselves4    ,i'm getting
 muddled1 said ,vincent4    ,it is      
rather muddling1 said ,father ,payne1   
but1 in a general way1  the point is    
this4 ,when pose is a deliberate attempt
 to deceive other  people for your own  
credit1 it is detestable4 ,but when it  
is merely  harmless drama1 to add to the
 interest of life and to retain your own
  self-respect1 it's an amiable foible1 
and need not be discouraged4 ,the real  
question is whether it is assumed       
seriously1 or whether it is all a sort  
of  joke4 ,we all like to play our      
little games1 and ,i find it very easy  
to  forgive a person who enjoys dressing
 up1 so to speak1 and making remarks in 
character4 ,come1 ,i'll confess my sins 

in public4 ,if ,i meet a stranger in    
the roads1 ,i rather like to be thought 
a bluff and hearty ,english squire1     
striding about my broad acres4 ,i prefer
 that to being thought a retired        
crammer1 a dominie who keeps a school   
and calls it an academy1 as ,lord       
,auchinleck said of ,johnson4 ,but if ,i
 pretended in this house to be a kind   
of abbot1 and glided about in a cassock 
with a gold cross round my neck1        
conferring a benediction on everyone1   
and then retired to my room to read a   
,french novel and to drink              
whisky-and-soda1 that would be a very   
unpleasant  pose indeed6    ,we all     
implored ,father ,payne to adopt it1 and
 he said he would give it his  serious  
consideration4        ,,lxv    ,,of     
,,revenants      ,i was sitting in the  
garden one evening in summer with       
,father ,payne and  ,barthrop4 ,barthrop
 was going off next day to ,oxford1 and 
was trying to  persuade ,father ,payne  
to come too4    ,no1 he said1 ,i simply 

couldn't6 ,oxford is the city east of   
the sun and  west of the moon--like as a
 dream when one awaketh6 ,i don't hold  
with  indulging fruitless sentiment1    
particularly about the past4    ,but    
isn't it rather a pity8 said ,barthrop4 
,after all1 most emotions are  useless1 
if you come to that6 ,why should you cut
 yourself off from a place  you are so  
fond of1 and which is quite the most    
beautiful place in ,england  too8 ,isn't
 it rather--well1--weak8    ,yes1 said  
,father ,payne1 it's weak1 no doubt6    
,that is to say1 if ,i were  differently
 made1 more hard-hearted1 more sure of  
myself1 ,i should go1 and  ,i should    
enjoy myself1 and moon about1 and bore  
you to death with old  stories about the
 chimes at midnight--everybody would be 
a dear old boy or  a good old soul1 and 
,i should hand out tips1 and get        
perfectly maudlin in  the evenings over 
a glass of claret4 ,that's the normal   
thing1 no  doubt--that's what a         
noble-minded man in a novel of          

,thackeray's would do6    ,well1 said   
,barthrop1 you know best--but ,i expect 
that if you did take  the plunge and go 
there1 you would find yourself quite at 
ease4    ,i might1 said ,father ,payne2 
but then ,i also might not--and ,i      
prefer not  to risk it4 ,you see1 it    
would be merely wallowing in            
sentiment--and ,i don't  approve of     
sentiment4 ,i want my emotions to live  
with1 not to bathe in6    ,but you don't
 mind going back to ,london1 said       
,barthrop4    ,no1 said ,father ,payne1 
but that bucks me up4 ,i was infernally 
unhappy in  ,london1 and it puts me in a
 thoroughly sensible and cheerful mood  
to go and  look at the outside of my old
 lodgings1 and the place where ,i used  
to  teach1 and to say to myself1 ',thank
 ,god1 that's all over6' ,then ,i go on 
my  way rejoicing1 and make no end of   
plans4 ,but if ,i went to ,oxford1 ,i   
should  just remember how happy and     
young ,i was2 and ,i might even commit  
the folly  of regretting the lapse of   

time1 and of wishing ,i could have it   
back again4  ,i don't think it is       
wholesome to do anything which makes one
 discontented1  or anything which forces
 one to dwell on what one has lost4     
,that doesn't  matter4 ,nothing really  
is ever lost1 and it only takes the     
starch out of  one to think about it    
from that angle4 ,i don't believe in the
 past4 ,it  seems unalterable1 and ,i   
suppose in a sense it is so4 ,but if you
 begin to  dwell on unalterable things1 
you become a fatalist1 and ,i'm always  
trying  to get away from that4 ,the     
point is that no one is unalterable1    
and1 thank  ,god1 we are always         
altering4 ,to potter about in the past  
is like grubbing  in an ash-heap1 and   
shedding tears over broken bits of      
china4 ,the plate1 or  whatever it is1  
was pretty enough1 and it had its place 
and its use2 and  when the stuff of     
which it is made is wanted again1 it    
will be used again4  ,it is simply      
fatuous to waste time over the broken   

pieces of old dreams and  visions2 and  
,i mean to use my emotions and my       
imagination to see new dreams  and finer
 visions4 ,perhaps the time will come   
when ,i can dream no more--the  brain   
gets tired and languid1 no doubt4 ,but  
even then ,i shall try to be  interested
 in what is going on4    ,i see your    
point1 said ,barthrop2 but1 for the life
 of me1 ,i can't see  why the old place 
should not take its part in the new     
visions6 ,when ,i go  down to ,oxford ,i
 don't regret it4 ,i go gratefully and  
happily about1 and ,i  like to see the  
young men as jolly as ,i was1 and as    
unaware what a good  time they are      
having4 ,an old pal of mine is a ,don1  
and he puts me up in  ,college1 and it  
amuses me to go into ,hall1 and to see  
some of the young  lions at close       
quarters4 ,it's all pure and simple     
refreshment4    ,i've no doubt of it1   
old man1 said ,father ,payne2 and it's  
an excellent  thing for you to go1 and  
to draw fresh life from the ancient     

earth1 like  ,antaeus4 ,but ,i'm not    
made that way4 ,i'm not loyal--that is  
to say1 ,i am not  faithful to things   
simply because ,i once admired and loved
 them4 ,if you are  loyal in the right  
way1 as you are1 it's different4 ,but   
these old  attachments are a kind of    
idolatry to me--a false worship4 ,i'm   
naturally  full of unreasonable devotion
 to the old and beautiful things2 but   
they get  round my neck like a          
mill-stone1 and it is all so much more  
weight that ,i  have to carry4 ,i       
sometimes go to see an old cousin of    
mine1 a widow in the  country1 who lives
 entirely in the past1 never allows     
anything to be  changed in the house1   
never talks about anyone who isn't dead 
or ill4 ,the  woman's life is simply    
buried under old memories1 mountains of 
old china1  family plate1 receipts for  
jam and marmalade--everything has got to
 be done  as it was in the beginning4   
,now most of her friends think that very
  beautiful and tender1 and talk of the 

old-world atmosphere of the place2  but 
,i think it simply a stuffy waste of    
time4 ,i don't tell her so--,god        
forbid6 ,but ,i feel that she is lolling
 in an arbour by the roadside instead   
of getting on4 ,it's innocent enough1   
but it does not seem to me beautiful4   
,but ,i still don't see why you give way
 to the feeling1 said ,barthrop4  ,i'm  
sure that if ,i felt as you do about    
,oxford1 or any other place1 you  would 
tell me it was my duty to conquer it4   
,very likely6 said ,father ,payne4 ,but 
doctors don't feel bound to take  their 
own prescriptions6 ,everyone must decide
 for himself1 and ,i know that  ,i      
should fall under the luxurious         
enchantment4 ,i should go into cheap    
raptures1 ,i should talk about 'the     
tender grace of a day that is           
dead'--it's no use putting your head in 
a noose to see what being strangled     
feels like4    ,but do you apply that to
 everything1 ,i said1 old friendships1  
old  affections1 old memories8 ,they    

seem to me beautiful1 and harmlessly    
beautiful4    ,well1 if you can use them
 up quite freshly1 and make a poetical  
dish out  of them1 for present          
consumption1 ,i don't mind1 said ,father
 ,payne4 ,but  that isn't my way--,i'm  
not robust enough4 ,it's all ,i can do  
to take things  in as they come along4  
,of course an old memory sometimes goes 
through one  like a sword1 but ,i pull  
it out as quick as ,i can1 and cast it  
away4 ,i am  not going to dance with    
,death if ,i can help it6 ,i have got my
 job cut out  for me1 and ,i am not     
going to be hampered by old rubbish4    
,mind you1 ,i don't  say that it was    
rubbish at the time2 but ,i have no use 
for anything that ,i  can't use4        
,sentiment seems to me like letting     
valuable steam off4 ,the  people ,i have
 loved are all there still1 whether they
 are dead or alive4  ,they did a bit of 
the journey with me1 and ,i enjoyed     
their company1 and ,i  shall enjoy it   
again1 if it so comes about4 ,but we    

have to live our life1  and we can't    
keep more than a certain number of      
things in mind--that is an  obvious     
limitation4 ,do you remember the old    
fairy story of the man who  carried a   
magic goose1 and everyone who touched   
it1 or touched anyone who  touched it1  
could not leave go1 with the result that
 there was a long train  of helpless    
people trotting about behind the man4 ,i
 don't want to live like  that1 with a  
long train of old memories and          
traditions and friendships and          
furniture trailing helplessly behind me4
 ,my business is with my present        
circle1 my present work1 and ,i can't   
waste my strength in drawing about      
vehicles full of goods4 ,if anyone wants
 me1 here ,i am1 and ,i will do my  best
 to meet his wishes2 but ,i am not going
 to be frightened by words like  loyalty
 into pretending that ,i am going to    
stagger along carrying the whole  of my 
past4 ,no1 my boy1 said ,father ,payne1 
turning to ,barthrop1 you go to         

,oxford1 and enjoy yourself6 ,but the   
old place is too tight about my heart   
for me to put my nose into it4 ,i'm a   
free man1 and ,i am not going to be in  
bondage to my old fancies4 ,you may give
 my love to ,corpus and to ,wadham      
,garden--it's all dreadfully            
bewitching--but ,i'm not going to run   
the risk  of falling in love with the   
phantom of the past--that's ,la ,belle  
,dame  ,sans ,merci for me1 and ,i'm    
riding on--,i'm riding on4 ,i won't have
 the  hussy on my horse4      ,i set her
 on my pacing steed1      ,and nothing  
else saw all day long1    ,for sideways 
would she lean1 and sing        ,a      
faery's song4      ,she found me roots  
of relish sweet1      ,and honey wild   
and manna dew4    ,and sure in language 
strange she said1        ',i love thee  
true1'    ,he stopped a moment1 as he   
often did when he made a quotation1     
overcome  with feeling4 ,then he smiled1
 and added half to himself1 ,no2 ,i     
should say1  as ,dr4 ,johnson said to   

the lady in ,fleet ,street2 ',no1 no2 it
 won't do1 my  girl6'        ,,lxvi     
,,of ,,discipline      ,well1 anyhow1   
said ,vincent at dinner1 commenting on  
something that had  been said1 you may  
not get anything else out of a          
disagreeable affair like  that1 but you 
get a sort of discipline4    ,come1 hold
 on1 said ,father ,payne2 that won't do1
 you know6 ,discipline1  in my belief1  
is in itself a bad thing1 unless you not
 only get something  out of it1 but1    
what is more1 know what you get out of  
it4 ,you can't  discipline anyone1      
unless he desires it6 ,discipline means 
the repressing of  something--you must  
be quite sure that it is worth          
repressing4    ,what ,i mean1 said      
,vincent1 is that it makes you tougher  
and harder4    ,yes1 said ,father       
,payne1 but that is not a good thing in 
itself1 unless  there is something soft 
and weak in you4 ,discipline may easily 
knock the  good things out of you4      
,there's a general kind of belief that1 

because the  world is a rough place1    
where you may get tumbles and shocks    
without any  fault of your own1         
therefore it is as well to have         
something rough about  you4 ,i don't    
believe in that4 ,the reason why a man  
gets roughly handled1 in  nine cases out
 of ten1 is not because he is obnoxious 
or offensive1 but  because other people 
are harsh and indifferent4 ,i want to   
apply discipline  to the brutal1 not to 
brutalise the sensitive4 ,if discipline 
simply made  people brave and patient1  
it would be different1 but it often     
makes them  callous and unpleasant4     
,but doesn't everyone want discipline of
 some kind8 said ,vincent4    ,of the   
right kind1 yes1 said ,father ,payne4   
,some people want a good deal  more than
 they get1 and some a certain amount    
less than they get4 ,it's a  delicate   
business4 ,it is not always fortifying4 
,take a simple case4 ,a bold1  brazen   
sort of boy who is untruthful may want a
 whipping2 but a timid and  imaginative 

boy who is untruthful doesn't           
necessarily want a whipping at  all--it 
makes him more1 and not less1 timid4    
,one of the most ridiculous and         
persistent blunders in human life is to 
believe that a certain penalty is       
divinely appointed for a certain        
offence4 ,our theory of punishment is   
all  wrong2 we inflict punishment1 as a 
rule1 not to improve an offender1 but   
out of revenge1 or because it gives us a
 comfortable sense of our own  justice4 
,and the whole difficulty of discipline 
is that it is apt to be  applied in     
lumps1 and distributed wholesale to     
people who don't all want  the same     
amount4 ,we haven't really got very far 
away from the ,squeers  theory of giving
 all the boys brimstone and treacle     
alike4    ,yes1 but in a school1 said   
,vincent1 would not the boys themselves 
resent  it1 if they were punished       
differently for the same offence8       
,that is to say1 said ,father ,payne1   
that you are to treat boys1 whom you    

are supposed to be training1 in         
accordance with their ideas of justice1 
and  not in accordance with yours6 ,why 
should you confirm them in a wholly     
erroneous view of justice8 ,justice     
isn't a mathematical thing--or rather1  
it ought to be a mathematical thing1    
because you ought to take into account  
a lot of factors1 which you simply omit 
from your calculation4 ,i believe  very 
little in punishment1 to tell you the   
truth2 it ought only to be  inflicted   
after many warnings1 when the offence is
 deliberately repeated4 ,i  don't       
believe that the sane and normal person 
is a habitual and deliberate  offender4 
,the kind of absence of self-restraint  
which makes people unable  to resist    
temptation1 in any form1 is a disease1  
and ought to be  segregated4 ,i haven't 
the slightest doubt that we shall end by
 segregating  or sterilising the person 
of criminal tendencies1 which only means
 a total  inability1 in the presence of 
a temptation1 to foresee consequences1  

and  which gratifies a momentary desire4
    ,but apart from definite moral      
disease1 said ,vincent1 isn't it a good 
thing to compel people1 if possible1    
into a certain sort of habit8 ,i am     
speaking of faults which are not        
criminal--things like unpunctuality1    
laziness1 small excesses1 mild          
untrustworthiness1 and so forth4        
,well1 ,i don't personally believe in   
coercive discipline at all1 said        
,father ,payne4 ,i think it simply gets 
people out of shape4 ,i believe in      
trying to give people a real motive for 
self-discipline3 take  unpunctuality1   
for instance4 ,the only way to make an  
unpunctual person  punctual is to       
convince him that it is rude and unjust 
to keep other people  waiting4 ,there is
 nothing sacred about punctuality in    
itself1 unless some  one else suffers by
 your being unpunctual4 ,if it comes to 
that1 isn't it  quite as good a         
discipline for punctual people to learn 
to wait without  impatience for the     

unpunctual8 ,supposing an unpunctual    
person were to say1  ',i do it on       
principle1 to teach precise people not  
to mind waiting1' where  is the flaw in 
that8 ,take what you call laziness4     
,some people work better  by fits and   
starts1 some do better work by          
regularity4 ,the point is to know  how  
you work best4 ,you must not make the   
convenience of average people into  a   
moral law4 ,the thing to aim at is that 
a man should not go on doing a  thing   
which he honestly believes to be wrong  
and hurtful1 out of a mere  habit4 ,take
 the small excesses of which you        
speak--food1 drink1 sleep1  tobacco4    
,some people want more of these things  
than others2 you can't lay  down exact  
laws4 ,a man ought to find out precisely
 what suits him best2 but  ,i'm not     
prepared to say that regularity in these
 matters is absolutely good  for        
everyone4 ,the thing is not to be       
interfered with by your habits2 and  the
 end of all discipline is1 ,i believe1  

efficiency1 vitality1 and freedom2  but 
it is no good substituting one tyranny  
for another4 ,i was reading the  life of
 a man the other day who simply could   
not believe that anyone could  think a  
thing wrong and yet do it4 ,his         
biographer said1 very shrewdly1 that    
his sense of sin was as dead as his ear 
for music--that he did not possess  even
 the common liberty of right and wrong4 
,that's a bad case of atrophy6  ,you    
must not1 of course1 be at the mercy of 
your moods1 but you must not be  at the 
mercy of your ethical habits either4 ,of
 the two1 ,i am not sure that  the habit
 isn't the most dangerous4    ,you seem 
to be holding a brief all round1        
,father1 said ,vincent4    ,no1 ,i am   
not doing that1 said ,father ,payne1 but
 my theory is this4 ,you  must know1    
first of all1 what you are aiming at1   
and you must apply your  discipline     
sensibly to that4 ,there are certain    
things in us which we know  to be       
sloppy--we lie in bed1 we dawdle1 we eat

 too much1 we moon over our  work4 ,all 
that is obviously no good1 and all      
sensible people try to pull  themselves 
up4 ,when you have found out what suits 
you1 do it boldly2 but  the man who     
admires discipline for its own sake is a
 sort of  hypochondriac--a              
medicine-drinker4 ,i have a friend who  
says that if he  stays in a house1 and  
sees a bottle of medicine in a cupboard1
 he is always  tempted to take a dose4  
',is it that you feel ill8' ,i once said
 to him4  ',no1' he said2 'but ,i have  
an idea that it might do me good4' ,the 
disciplinarian is like that3 he is      
always putting a little strain upon     
himself1 cutting off this and that1     
trying new rules1 heading himself off4  
,he has an uneasy feeling that if he    
likes anything1 it is a sort of sign    
that he should abstain from it3 he      
mistrusts his impulses and instincts4   
,he  thinks he is getting to talk too   
much1 and so he practises holding his   
tongue4 ,the truth is that he is        

suspicious of life4 ,he is like the     
schoolmaster who says1 ',go and see what
 ,jack is doing1 and tell him not  to6' 
,of course ,i am taking an extreme case1
 but there is a tendency in that        
direction in many people4 ,they think   
that strength means the power to        
resist1 when it really means the power  
to flow4 ,i do not think that people    
ought to be deferential to criticism1   
timid before rebuke1 depressed by       
disapproval3 and1 on the whole1 ,i      
believe that more harm is done by       
self-repression1 obedience1 meekness    
than by the opposite qualities4 ,i want 
men to live their own lives             
fearlessly--not offensively1 of         
course--with a  due regard to other     
people's comfort1 but without any regard
 to other  people's conventions4 ,i     
believe in trusting yourself1 on the    
whole1 and  trusting the world4 ,i do   
not think it is wholesome or brave to   
live under  the shadow of other people's
 fears or other people's convictions4   

,all the  people1 it seems to me1 who   
have done anything for the world1 have  
been the  people who have gone their own
 way2 and ,i think that self-discipline1
 or  external discipline meekly         
accepted1 ends in a flattening out of   
men's  power and character4 ,of course  
you fellows here are learning to do a   
definite technical thing--but you will  
observe that all the discipline here  is
 defensive1 and not coercive4 ,i don't  
want you to take any shape or  mould3 ,i
 want you just to learn to do things in 
your own way4 ,i don't ever  want you to
 interfere with each other's minds too  
much4 ,i don't want to  interfere with  
your minds myself1 except in so far as  
to help you to get  rid of sloppiness   
and prejudices4 ,here1 ,i mustn't go    
on--it's becoming like  a prospectus6   
but it comes to this1 that ,i believe in
 the trained mind1 and  not in the      
moulded mind2 and ,i think that the     
moment discipline ceases to  train      
strength1 and begins to mould weakness1 

it's a thoroughly bad thing4  ,no one   
can be artificially protected from life 
without losing life--and  life is what  
,i am out for4        ,,lxvii    ,,of   
,,increase      ,i did not hear the     
argument1 but ,i heard ,vincent say to  
,father ,payne3 ,of  course ,i couldn't 
do that--it would have been so          
inconsistent4    ,oh6 consistency's a   
very cheap affair1 said ,father ,payne2 
it is mostly a  blend of vanity and slow
 intelligence4    ,but one must stick to
 something1 said ,vincent4 ,there's     
nothing so  tiresome as never knowing   
how a man is going to behave4    ,of    
course1 said ,father ,payne1            
inconsistency isn't a virtue--it is     
generally the product of a quick and    
confused intelligence4 ,but consistency 
ought not to be a principle of thought  
or action--you ought not to do or  think
 a thing simply because you have thought
 it before--that is mere  laziness6     
,what one wants is a consistent sort of 
progress--you ought not to  stay still4 

,but you must have principles1 said     
,vincent4    ,yes1 but you must expect  
to change them1 said ,father ,payne4    
,principles  are only deductions after  
all3 and to remain consistent as a rule 
only  means that you have ceased to do  
anything with your experience1 or else  
it  means that you have taken your      
principles second-hand4 ,they ought to  
be  living things1 yielding fruits of   
increase4 ,i don't mean that you should 
be  at the mercy of a persuasive        
speaker1 or of the last book you have   
read--but1 on the other hand1 to meet an
 interesting man or to read a           
suggestive book ought to modify your    
views a little4 ,you ought to be        
elastic4 ,the only thing that is never  
quite the same is opinion2 and to be    
holding a ten years' old opinion simply 
means that you are stranded4  ,there's  
nothing worse than to be high and dry4  
,but isn't it worse still1 said         
,vincent1 to see so many sides to a     
question that you can't take a definite 

part8    ,i don't feel sure1 said       
,father ,payne4 ,i know that the        
all-round  sympathiser is generally     
found fault with in books2 but it is an 
uncommon  temperament1 and means a great
 power of imagination4 ,i am not sure   
that the  faculty of taking a side is a 
very valuable one4 ,people say that     
things get  done that way2 but a great  
many things get done wrong1 and have to 
be  undone4 ,there is no blessing on the
 palpably one-sided people4 ,besides1   
there is a great movement in the world  
now towards approximation4  ,majorities 
don't want to bully minorities4         
,persecution has gone out4 ,people  are 
beginning to see that principles are few
 and interpretations many4 ,i  believe1 
as a matter of fact1 that we ought      
always to be simplifying our            
principles1 and getting them under a few
 big heads4 ,besides1 you do not        
convert people by hammering away at     
principles4 ,i always like the story of 
the ,frenchman who said to his opponent1

 ',come1 let us go for a little walk1   
and see if we can disagree4'    ,i don't
 exactly see what he meant1 said        
,vincent4    ,why1 he meant1 said       
,father ,payne1 that if they could bring
 their minds  together1 they would find 
that there wasn't very much to quarrel  
about4 ,but  ,i don't believe in        
arguing4 ,i don't think opinion changes 
in that way4 ,i  fancy it has tides of  
its own1 and that ideas appear in       
numbers of minds  all over the world1   
like flowers in spring4    ,but how is  
one ever to act at all1 said ,vincent1  
if one is always to be  feeling that a  
principle may turn out to be nonsense   
after all8    ,well1 ,i think action is 
mainly a matter of instinct1 said       
,father ,payne4  ,but ,i don't really   
believe in taking too diffuse a view of 
things in  general4 ,very few of us are 
strong enough and wise enough1 let me   
say1 to  read the papers with any       
profit4 ,the newspapers emphasize the   
disunion of  the world1 and ,i believe  

in its solidarity4 ,come1 ,i'll tell you
 how ,i think  people ought really to   
live1 if you like4 ,i think a man ought 
to live his  own life1 without          
attempting too much reference to what is
 going on in the  world4 ,i think it    
becomes pretty plain to most of us1 by  
the time we reach  years of discretion1 
what we can do and what we cannot4 ,i   
don't mean that  life ought to be lived 
in blank selfishness1 without reference 
to anyone  else4 ,most of us can't do   
that1 anyhow--it requires extraordinary 
concentration of will4 ,but ,i think    
that our lives ought to be              
intensive--that is to say1 ,i don't     
think we ought to concern ourselves with
  getting rid of our deficiencies1 so   
much as by concentrating and            
emphasizing our powers and faculties4   
,we ought all of us to have a certain   
circle in mind--,i believe very much in 
circles4 ,we are very much  limited1 and
 our power of affecting people for good 
and evil is very small2  our chance of  

helping is small4 ,the moment we try to 
extend our circle very  much1 to widen  
our influence1 we become like a juggler 
who keeps a dozen  plates spinning all  
at once--it is mere legerdemain4 ,but we
 most of us live  really with about a   
score of people4 ,we can't choose our   
circle altogether1  and there are       
generally certain persons in it whom we 
should wish away4 ,i  think we ought to 
devote ourselves to our work1 whatever  
it is1 and outside  of that to getting a
 real1 intimate1 and vital understanding
 with the  people round us4 ,that is a  
problem which is amply big enough for   
most of  us4 ,then ,i think we ought to 
go seriously to work1 not arguing or    
finding  fault1 not pushing or shoving  
people about1 but just living on the    
finest  lines we can4 ,the only real    
chance of converting other people to our
  principles or own ideas1 is to live in
 such a way that it is obvious that  our
 ideas bring us real and vital          
happiness4 ,you may depend upon it1 that

  is the only way to live--the positive 
way4 ,we simply must not  quarrel with  
our associates3 we must be patient and  
sympathetic and  imaginative4    ,but   
are there no exceptions8 said ,i4 ,i    
have heard you say that a man  must be  
prepared to lose friends on occasions4  
,yes1 said ,father ,payne1 the circle   
shifts and changes a little1 no  doubt4 
,i admit that it becomes clear          
occasionally that you cannot live with  
a particular person4 ,but if you have   
alienated him or her by your            
censoriousness and your want of         
sympathy1 you have to be ashamed of     
yourself4 ,if it is the other way1 and  
you are being tyrannised over1          
deflected1 hindered1 then it may be     
necessary to break away--though1 mind   
you1 ,i think it is finer still if you  
do not break away4 ,but you must have   
your liberty1 and ,i don't believe in   
sacrificing that1 because then you  live
 an unreal life--and1 whatever happens1 
you must not do that4    ,but what is to

 be done when people are tied up by     
relationships1 and can't  get away8 said
 ,i4    ,yes1 there are such cases1 said
 ,father ,payne2 ,i don't deny it4 ,if  
there  is really no escape possible1    
then you must tackle it1 and make the   
finest  thing you can out of the        
situation4 ,fulness of life1 that is    
what we must  aim at4 ,of course people 
are hemmed in in other ways too--by     
health1  poverty1 circumstances of      
various kinds4 ,but1 however small your 
saucepan  is1 it ought to be on the     
boil4    ,but can people make themselves
 active and hopeful8 ,i said4 ,isn't    
that just the most awful problem of all1
 the listlessness which falls on  many  
of us1 as the limitations draw round and
 the net encloses us8    ,you must kick 
out for all you are worth1 said ,father 
,payne4 ,i fully  admit the difficulty4 
,but one of the best things in life is  
the fact that  you can always do a      
little better than you expect4 ,and     
then--you mustn't  forget ,god4    ,but 

a conscious touch with ,god8 ,i said4   
,isn't that a rare thing8    ,it need   
not be1 said ,father ,payne1 very       
seriously4 ,if there is one thing  which
 experience has taught me1 it is        
this--that if you make a signal to      
,god1 it is answered4 ,i don't say that 
troubles roll away1 or that you are     
made instantly happy4 ,but you will find
 that you can struggle on4 ,people      
simply don't try that experiment4 ,the  
reason why they do not is1 ,i honestly  
believe1 because of our services1 where 
prayer is made so ceremoniously and     
elaborately that people get a false     
sense of dignity and reverence4 ,it is a
  very natural instinct which made the  
disciples say1 ',teach us to pray1' and 
,i do not think that ecclesiastical     
systems do teach people to pray--at     
least the examples they give are too    
intellectual1 too much concerned with   
good taste4 ,a prayer need not be a     
verbal thing--the best prayers are not4 
,it is the mute glance of an eye1 the   

holding out of a hand4 ,and if you ask  
me what can make people different1 ,i   
say it is not will1 but prayer4         
,,lxviii    ,,of ,,prayer      ,i was   
walking about the garden on a wintry    
,sunday with ,father ,payne4 ,he had  a 
particular mood on ,sundays1 ,i used to 
think1 which made itself subtly  felt--a
 mood serious1 restrained1 and yet      
contented4 ,i do not remember how  the  
subject came up1 but he said something  
about prayer1 and ,i replied3    ,i wish
 you would tell me exactly what you feel
 about prayer1 ,father4 ,i  never quite 
understand4 ,you always speak as if it  
played a great part in  your life1 and  
yet ,i never am sure what exactly it    
means to you4    ,you might as well say1
 he said1 smiling1 that you never felt  
quite sure  what breakfast meant to me4 
,he stopped and looked at me for a      
moment4 ,do we know what anything       
means8 ,we know what prayer is1 at any  
rate--one of the  commonest and most    
natural of instincts4 ,what is your     

difficulty8    ,oh1 the usual one1 ,i   
said1 that if the ,god to whom we pray  
is the ,power  which puts into our minds
 good desires1 and knows not only what  
is passing  in our thoughts1 but the    
very direction which our thoughts are   
going to  take--reads us1 in fact1 like 
a book1 as they say--what1 then1 is the 
object or purpose of setting ourselves  
to pray to a ,power that knows our      
precise range of thoughts1 and can      
disentangle them all far better than we 
can ourselves8    ,why1 said ,father    
,payne1 that is pure fatalism4 ,if you  
carry that on a  little further it means
 all absence of effort4 ,you might as   
well say1 ',i  will take no steps to    
provide myself with food--if ,god is    
,all-,powerful1 and  sends me a good    
appetite1 it is ,his business to satisfy
 it6    ,oh1 ,i said1 ,i see that4 ,but 
if ,i set about providing myself with   
breakfast1 ,i know exactly what ,i want1
 and have a very fair chance of         
obtaining it4 ,but the essence of prayer

 is that you must not expect to get     
your desires fulfilled4    ,i certainly 
do not pretend1 said he1 that prayer is 
a mechanical method  of getting things2 
it isn't a substitute for effort and    
action4 ,nor  do ,i think that ,god     
simply withholds things unless you ask  
for them1 as a  dog has to beg for a    
piece of biscuit4 ,i don't look upon    
prayer as the mere  formulating of a    
list of requests2 and ,i dislike very   
much the way some  good people have of  
getting a large number of men and women 
to pray for the  same thing1 as if you  
were canvassing for votes4 ,and yet ,i  
believe that  prayers have a way of     
being granted4 ,indeed1 ,i think that   
both the strength  and the danger of    
prayer lies in the fact that people do  
very much tend to  get what they have   
set their hearts upon4 ,a recurrent     
prayer for a definite  thing is often a 
sign that a man is working hard to      
secure it4 ,it is rather  perilous to   
desire definite things too definitely1  

not because you are  disappointed1 but  
because you are often successful in     
attaining them4    ,then that would be a
 reason for not praying1 ,i said4       
,father ,payne gave one of his little   
frowns1 which ,i knew well4 ,i'm not    
arguing for the sake of arguing1        
,father1 ,i said2 ,i really want to     
understand4 ,it seems to me such a      
muddle4    ,the little frown passed off 
in a smile4 ,yes1 it isn't a wholly     
rational  thing1 said ,father ,payne1   
but it's a natural and instinctive      
thing4 ,to  forbid prayer seems to me   
like forbidding hope and love4 ,prayer  
seems to me  just a mingling of hope and
 desire and love and confidence4 ,it is 
more like  talking over your plans and  
desires with ,god4 ,it all depends upon 
whether  you say1 ',my will be done1'   
which is the wrong sort of prayer1 or   
',thy will  be done1' which is the right
 sort of prayer1 and infinitely harder4 
,i don't  mind telling you this1 that my
 prayers are an attempt to put myself in

  touch with the ,spirit of ,god4 ,i    
believe in ,god2 ,i believe that ,he is 
trying  very hard to bring men and women
 to live in a certain way--the right1   
joyful1 beautiful way4 ,he sees it      
clearly enough2 but we are so tangled up
  with material things that we don't see
 it clearly--we don't see where our     
happiness lies2 we mistake all kinds of 
things--pleasures1 schemes1  successes1 
comforts1 desires--for happiness2 and   
prayer seems to me like  opening a      
sluice and letting a clear stream gush  
through4 ,that's why ,i  believe one    
must set oneself to it4 ,the sluice is  
not always open--we are  lazy1 cowardly1
 timid2 or again1 we are confident1     
self-satisfied1 proud of  our own       
inventiveness and resourcefulness4 ,i   
don't know what the will is or  what its
 limitations are2 but ,i believe it has 
a degree of liberty1 and it  can        
exercise that liberty in welcoming ,god4
 ,of course1 if we think of ,god  as    
drearily moral1 harsh1 full of anger and

 disapproval1 we are not likely  to     
welcome ,him2 but if we feel ,him full  
of eagerness and sympathy1 of  'comfort1
 light1 and fire of love1' as the old   
hymn says1 then we desire  ,his company4
 ,you have to prepare yourself for good 
company1 you know4 ,it is  a bit of a   
strain2 and ,i feel that the people who 
won't pray are like the  lazy and sloppy
 people who won't put themselves out or 
forego their habits  or take any trouble
 to receive a splendid guest4 ,the      
difference is that the  splendid guest  
is not to be got every day1 while ,god  
is always glad of your  company1 ,i     
think4    ,then with you prayer isn't a 
process of asking8 ,i said4 ,but isn't  
it a  way of changing yourself by simply
 trying to get your ideals clear8       
,no1 no1 said ,father ,payne2 it's just 
drawing water from a well when you  are 
thirsty4 ,of course you must go to the  
well1 and let down the bucket4 ,it      
isn't a mere training of imagination2 it
 is helping yourself to something       

actually there4 ,the more you pray1 the 
less you ask for definite things4  ,you 
become ashamed to do that4 ,do you      
remember the story of ,hans ,andersen1  
when he went to see the ,king of        
,denmark8 ,the ,king made a pause at one
 point  and looked at ,andersen1 and    
,andersen said afterwards that the ,king
 had  evidently expected him to ask for 
a pension4 ',but ,i could not1' he said4
 ',i  know ,i was a fool1 but my heart  
would not let me4' ,one can trust ,god  
to  know one's desires1 and one's heart 
will not let one ask for them4 ,it is   
,his will that you want to know--your   
own will that you want to surrender4    
,strength1 clearsightedness1            
simplicity--those are what flow from    
contact  with ,god4    ,but what do you 
make1 ,i said1 of contemplative ,orders 
of monks and nuns1  who say that they   
specialise in prayer1 and give up their 
whole time and  energy to it8    ,well1 
said ,father ,payne1 it's a harmless and
 beautiful life2 but it  seems to me    

like abandoning yourself to one kind of 
rapture4 ,prayer seems  to me a part of 
life1 not the whole of it4 ,you have got
 to use the strength  given you4 ,it is 
given you to do business with4 ,it seems
 to me as if a man  argued that because 
eating gave him strength1 it must be a  
good thing to  eat2 and that he would   
therefore eat all day long4 ,it isn't   
the gaining of  strength that is        
desirable1 but the using of strength4   
,you mustn't sponge  upon ,god1 so to   
speak4 ,and ,i don't honestly believe in
 any life which takes  you right away   
from life4 ,life is the duty of all of  
us2 and prayer seems  to me just one of 
the things that help one to live4       
,but intercession1 ,i said1 is there    
nothing in the idea that you can pray   
for those who cannot or will not pray   
for themselves8    ,i don't know1 said  
,father ,payne4 ,if you love people and 
wish them well1  and hate the thought of
 the evils which befall the innocent1   
and the  overflowings of ungodliness1   

you can't keep that out of your prayers1
 of  course4 ,but ,i doubt very much    
whether one can do things vicariously4  
,it  seems to land you in difficulties2 
if you say1 for instance1 ',i will      
inflict sufferings upon myself1 that    
others may be spared suffering1'        
logically you might go on to say1 ',i   
will enjoy myself that my enjoyment  may
 help those who cannot enjoy4' ,one     
doesn't really know how much one's  own 
experience does help other people4      
,living with others certainly does      
affect them1 but ,i don't feel sure that
 isolating oneself from others does4  ,i
 think1 on the whole1 that everyone must
 take his place in a circle4 ,we  are   
limited by time and space and matter1   
you know4 ,you can know and love a      
dozen people2 you can't know and love a 
hundred thousand to much purpose4 ,i    
remember when ,i was a boy that there   
was a run on a ,bank where we lived4    
,two of the partners went there1 and did
 what they could4 ,the third1 a pious   

fellow1 shut himself up in his bedroom  
and prayed4 ,the ,bank was saved1 and   
he came down the next day and explained 
his absence by saying he had been       
giving them the most effectual help in  
his power4 ,he thought1 ,i believe1     
that he had saved the ,bank2 ,i don't   
think the other two men thought so1 and 
,i am inclined to side with them4 ,mind1
 ,i am not deriding the idea of a       
vocation for intercessory prayer4 ,i    
don't know enough about the forces of   
the world to do that4 ,it's a harmless  
life1 a beautiful life1 and a hard  life
 too1 and ,i won't say it is useless4   
,but ,i am not convinced of its         
usefulness4 ,it seems to me on a par    
with the artistic life1 a devotion to a 
beautiful dream1 ,i don't1 on the whole1
 believe in art for art's sake1 and  ,i 
don't think ,i believe in prayer for    
prayer's sake4 ,but ,i don't propound   
my ideas as final4 ,i think it          
possible--,i can't say more--that a life
  devoted to the absorption of beautiful

 impressions may affect the  atmosphere 
of the world--we are bound up with each 
other behind the scenes  in mysterious  
ways--and similarly ,i think that lives 
of contemplative  prayer may affect the 
world4 ,i should not attempt to         
discourage  anyone from such a vocation4
 ,but it can't be taken for granted1 and
 ,i think  that a man must show cause1  
apart from mere inclination1 why he     
should not  live the common life of the 
world1 and mingle with his fellows4     
,then prayer1 you think1 ,i said1 is to 
you just one of the natural  processes  
of life8    ,that's about it6 said      
,father ,payne4 ,it seems to me as      
definite a way of  getting strength and 
clearness of view and hope and goodness1
 as eating and  sleeping are ways of    
getting strength of another kind4 ,to   
neglect it is to  run the risk of living
 a hurried1 muddled1 self-absorbed life4
 ,i can't  explain it1 any more than ,i 
can explain eating or breathing4 ,it    
just seems  to me a condition of fine   

life1 which we can practise to our help 
and  comfort1 and neglect to our hurt4  
,i don't think ,i can say more about it 
than that1 my boy6        ,,lxix        
,,the ,,shadow      ,one evening1 when  
,i was sitting with ,barthrop in the    
smoking-room and the  others had gone   
away1 he said to me suddenly1 ,there's  
something ,i want to  speak to you      
about3 ,i have been worrying about it   
for some little time1 and  it's a bad   
thing to do that4 ,i daresay it is all  
nonsense1 but ,i am  bothered about the 
,father4 ,i don't think he is well1 and 
,i don't think he  thinks he is well4   
,he is much thinner1 you know1 and he   
isn't in good  spirits4 ,i don't mean   
that he isn't cheerful in a way1 but    
it's an effort  to him4 ,now1 have you  
noticed anything8    ,i thought for a   
minute1 and then ,i said1 ,no1 ,i don't 
think ,i have6 ,he's  thinner1 of       
course1 but he joked to me about        
that--he said he had turned  the corner1
 as people do1 and he wasn't going to be

 a pursy old party when  he got older4  
,now that you mention it1 ,i think he   
has been rather silent  and abstracted  
lately4 ,but then he often is that1 you 
know1 when we are all  together4 ,and in
 his private talks with me--and ,i have 
had several  lately--he has seemed to me
 more tender and affectionate than usual
 even2  not so amusing1 perhaps1 not    
bubbling over with talk1 and a little   
more  serious4 ,if ,i have thought      
anything at all1 it simply is that he is
 getting  older4    ,it may simply be   
that1 of course1 said ,barthrop1 looking
 relieved4 ,i  suppose he is about      
fifty-eight or so8 ,but ,i'll tell you  
something else4 ,i  went in to speak to 
him two or three days ago4 ,well you    
know how he always  seems to be doing   
something8 ,he is never unoccupied      
indoors1 though he has  certainly seen  
less of everyone's work of late--but    
that morning ,i found  him sitting in   
his chair1 looking out of the window1   
doing nothing at all2  and ,i didn't    

like his look4 ,how can ,i put it8 ,he  
looked like a man who was  going off on 
a long journey--and he was tired and    
worn-looking--,i have  never seen him   
looking worn before--as if there was a  
strain of some  kind4 ,there were lines 
about his face ,i hadn't noticed before1
 and his eyes  seemed larger and        
brighter4 ,he said to me1 half          
apologetically1 ',look here1  this won't
 do6 ,i'm getting lazy1' ,then he went  
on1 ',i was thinking1 you  know1 about  
this place3 it has been an experiment1  
and a good and happy  experiment4 ,but  
it hasn't founded itself1 as ,i hoped1' 
,i asked him what  exactly he meant1 and
 he laughed1 and said3 ',you know ,i    
don't believe in  founding things6 ,a   
place like this has got to grow up of   
itself1 and have a  life of its own4 ,i 
don't think the place has got that4 ,i  
put a seed or two  into the ground1 but 
,i'm not sure that they have quickened  
to life4' ,then  he went on in a minute3
 ',you will know ,i don't say this      

conceitedly1 but ,i  think it has all   
depended too much on me1 and ,i know    
,i'm only a tiller of  the ground4 ,i   
don't believe ,i can give life to a     
society--,i can keep it  lively1 but    
that's not the same thing4 ,something   
has come of my plan1 to be  sure1 but it
 isn't going to spread like a tree--and 
,i hoped it might6 ,but  it's no good   
being disappointed--that's childish--you
 can't do what you  mean to do in this  
world1 only what you are meant to do4 ,i
 expect the  weakness has been that ,i  
meddle too much--,i don't leave things  
alone  enough4 ,i trust too much to     
myself1 and not enough to ,god4 ,it's   
been too  much a case of ,see me do     
it6--as the children say4'    ,what did 
you say8 ,i said4    ,nothing at all1   
said ,barthrop2 that's where ,i fail4 ,i
 can't rise to an  emergency4 ,i        
murmured something about our all being  
very grateful to  him--it was awfully   
flat6 ,if ,i could but have told him how
 ,i cared for him1  and how splendid he 

had always been6 ,but those perfectly   
true1 sincere1  fine things are just    
what one can't say1 unless one has it   
all written down  on paper4 ,i wish he  
would see a doctor1 or go away for a    
bit2 but ,i can't  advise him to do     
that--he hates a fuss about anything1   
and most of all  about health4 ,he says 
you ought never to tell people how you  
are feeling1  because they have to      
pretend to be interested6    ,i smiled  
at this1 and said1 ,i don't think there 
really is much the matter6  ,people     
can't be always at the top of their     
game1 and he takes a lot out of         
himself1 of course4 ,he's always giving 
out6    ,he is indeed1 said ,barthrop2  
but ,i won't say more now4 ,i feel      
better for  having told you4 ,just you  
keep your eyes open--but1 for ,heaven's 
sake1  don't watch him--you know how    
sharp he is4    ,i went off a little    
depressed by the talk1 because it seemed
 so impossible  to connect anything but 
buoyant health with ,father ,payne4 ,i  

did not see him  at breakfast1 but he   
came in to lunch2 and ,i saw at once    
that there was  something amiss with    
him4 ,he ate little1 and he looked      
tired4 ,however1 as ,i  rose to go--we  
did not1 as ,i have said1 talk at       
lunch--he just beckoned to  me1 and     
pointed with his finger in the direction
 of his room4 ,it was a  well-known     
gesture if he wanted to speak to one4 ,i
 went there1 and stood  before the fire 
surveying the room1 which looked        
unwontedly tidy1 the table  being almost
 free from books and papers4 ,but there 
lay a long folded folio  sheet on the   
table1 a legal document1 and it gave me 
a chill to see the  word ,will on the   
top of it4 ,father ,payne came in a     
moment later with  a smile4 ,then       
somehow divining1 as he so often did1   
exactly what had  happened1 he said1 as 
if answering an unspoken question1 ,yes1
 that's my  will6 ,i have been1 in fact1
 making it4 ,it's a wholesome occupation
 for an  elderly man4 ,but ,i only      

wanted to know if you would come for a  
stroll8 ,yes8  ,that's all right6 ,you  
are sure ,i'm not interfering with any  
arrangement8    ,it was a late autumn   
day in ,november3 the air was cold and  
damp1 the roads  wet1 the hedges hung   
with moisture and the leaves were almost
 gone from the  trees4 ,most people     
don't like this sort of day1 said       
,father ,payne1 as we  went out of the  
gate2 but ,i like it even better than   
spring4 ,everything  seems going        
contentedly to sleep1 like a tired      
child4 ,all the plants are  withdrawing 
into themselves1 into the inner life4   
,they have had a pleasant  time1 waving 
their banners about--but they have no   
use for them any more4  ,they are all   
going to be alone for a bit4 ,do you    
remember that epithet of  ,keats1 about 
the 'cool-rooted' flowers8 ,that's a bit
 of genius4 ,that's what  makes the     
difference between people1 ,i           
think--whether they are cool-rooted  or 
not4    ,he walked more slowly than was 

his wont to-day1 but he seemed in       
equable  spirits1 and made many         
exclamations of delight4 ,he said       
suddenly1 ,do you  know one of the      
advantages of growing old8 ,it is that  
if you have an  unpleasant thing ahead  
of you1 instead of shadowing the mind1  
as it does  when you are young1 it gives
 a sort of relish to the intervening    
time4 ,i  can even imagine a man in the 
condemned cell1 till the end gets close1
  being able to look ahead to the day1  
when he wakes in the morning--the       
square meals1 the pipe--,i believe they 
allow them to smoke--the talk with  the 
chaplain4 ,it's always nice to feel it  
is your duty to talk about  yourself1   
and to explain how it all came about1   
and why you couldn't do  otherwise4 ,now
 ,i have got to go up to town on some   
tiresome business at the  end of this   
week1 and ,i'm going to enjoy the days  
in between4    ,he stopped and spoke    
with all his accustomed good humour to  
half a dozen  people whom we met4 ,then 

he said to me3 ,do you know1 my boy1 ,i 
want to  tell you that you have been one
 of my successes6 ,i did not honestly   
think  you would buckle to as you have  
done1 and ,i don't think you are quite  
as  sympathetic as ,i once feared6 ,he  
gave me a smile as he said it1 and went 
on3 ,you know what ,i mean--,i thought  
you would reflect people too much1 and  
be too responsive to your companions4   
,and you have been a great comfort to   
me1 ,i don't deny it4 ,but ,i thankfully
 discern a good hard stone in the       
middle of all the juiciness1 with a     
tight little kernel inside it--,i'll    
quote ,keats again1 and say 'a          
sweet-hearted kernel1' ,mind1 ,i don't  
say you  will do great things4 ,you are 
facile1 and you see things very quickly 
and  accurately1 and you have a style4  
,but ,i don't think you have got the    
tragic  quality or the passionate gift4 
,you are too placid and contented--but  
you  spin along1 and ,i think you see   
something of the reality of things4 ,you

  will be led forth beside the waters of
 comfort--you will lack nothing--your   
cup will be full4 ,but the great work is
 done by people with large empty  cups  
that take some filling--the people who  
are given the plenteousness of  tears to
 drink4 ,it's a bitter draught--you     
won't have to drink it4 ,but ,i  think  
you are on right and happy lines1 and   
you must be content with good  work4    
,anyhow1 you will always write like a   
gentleman1 and that's a good  deal to   
say4    ,this pleased and touched me    
very deeply4 ,i began to murmur         
something4 ,oh  no1 said ,father ,payne1
 you needn't6 ,a boy at a prize-giving  
isn't  required to enter into easy talk 
with the presiding buffer6 ,i have just 
handed you your prize4    ,he talked    
after this lightly of many small        
things--about ,barthrop in  particular1 
and asked me many questions about him4  
,i am afraid ,i haven't  allowed him    
enough initiative1 said ,father ,payne2 
that's a bad habit of  mine4 ,but if he 

had really had it1 we should have       
squabbled--he's not quite  fiery enough1
 the beloved ,barthrop6 ,he's awfully   
judicious1 but he must  have a lead4    
,he's a submissioner1 ,i'm afraid1 as a 
witty prelate once said6  ,you know the 
two sides of the choir1 ,decani and     
,cantoris as  they are called4 ,decani  
always begin the psalms and say the     
versicles1 ,cantoris always respond4    
,people are always one or the  other1   
and ,barthrop is a born ,cantoris4      
,we did not go very far1 and he soon    
proposed to return4 ,but just as we were
  nearing home1 he said1 ,i think the   
hardest thing in life to                
understand--the very hardest of all--is 
our pleasure in the sense of            
permanence6 ,it's the supreme and       
constant illusion4 ,i can't think where 
it  comes from1 or why it is there1 or  
what it is supposed to do for us4 ,do   
you  remember1 he said with a smile1 how
 ,shelley1 the most hopelessly restless 
of mortals1 whenever he settled         

anywhere1 always wrote to his friends   
that  he had established himself for    
ever8 ,it's the instinct which is most  
contrary to reason4 ,everything         
contradicts it--we are not the same     
people  for five minutes together1      
nothing that we see or hear or taste    
continues--and yet we feel eternally and
 immutably fixed2 and instead of  living
 each day as if it was our last--which  
is a thoroughly bad piece of  advice--we
 live each day as if it was one of an   
endlessly revolving chain  of days1 and 
as if we were going to live to all      
eternity--as indeed ,i  believe we are6 
,probably the reason for it is to give  
us a hint that we  are immortal1 after  
all1 though we are tempted to think that
 all  things come to an end4 ,it is     
strange to think that nothing on which  
our  eyes rest at this moment is the    
same as it was when we started our      
walk--the very stones of the wall are   
altered4 ,it ought to make us ashamed   
of pretending that we are anything but  

ourselves2 and yet we do change a       
little1 thank ,god1 and for the better4 
,i've a fancy--though ,i can't say  more
 than that of that we aren't meant to   
know anything3 and ,i think  that the   
times when we know1 or think we know1   
are the times when we stand  still4     
,that seems hard6--he broke off with an 
unusual emotion3 but he was  himself    
again in a moment1 and said1 ,i don't   
know why--it's the weather1  perhaps3   
but ,i feel inclined to do nothing but  
thank people all day1 like  the man in  
,happy ,thoughts you know1 who came down
 late for breakfast  and could say      
nothing but ',thanks1 thanks1 awfully   
thanks--thanks 7to the  butler71 thanks 
7to the hostess7--thanks1 thanks6' but  
it means  something--a real emotion1    
though grotesquely phrased6--,i've      
enjoyed this  bit of a walk1 my boy6    
,,lxx    ,,of ,,weakness      ,this was1
 ,i think1 the last talk ,i had with    
,father ,payne before he left us1  so   
suddenly and so quietly1 for his last   

encounter4    ,it was a calm and sunny  
day1 though the air was cold and fresh4 
,i finished  some work ,i was doing1 a  
little after noonday1 and ,i walked down
 the  garden4 ,i was on the grass1 and  
turning the corner of a tiny thicket of 
yews and hollies1 where there was a     
secluded seat facing the south1 ,i saw  
that ,father ,payne was sitting there in
 the sun alone4 ,i came up to him1 and  
was just about to speak1 when ,i saw    
that his eyes were closed1 though his   
lips were moving4 ,he sat in an attitude
 of fatigue and lassitude1 ,i  thought1 
with one leg crossed over the other and 
his arm stretched out  along the        
seat-back4 ,i would have stolen away    
again unobserved1 when he  opened his   
eyes and saw me2 he gave me one of his  
big smiles1 and motioned  to me to come 
and sit down beside him4 ,i did so1 and 
he put his arm through  mine4 ,i said   
something about disturbing him1 and he  
said1 ,not a bit of  it--,i shall be    
glad of your company1 old boy4          

,presently he said1 ,do you  know what  
it is to feel sad8 ,i suppose not4 ,i   
don't mean troubled  about anything in  
particular--there's nothing to be       
troubled about--but  simply sad1 in a   
causeless1 listless way8    ,yes1 ,i    
think so1 ,i said4 ,he smiled at that1  
and said1 ,then you  don't know what ,i 
mean1 old man6 ,you would be quite sure1
 if you had  ever felt it4 ,i mean a    
sense of feebleness and wretchedness1 as
 if there  was much to be done1 and no  
desire to do it--as if your life had    
been a  long mistake from beginning to  
end4 ,of course it is quite morbid and  
unreal1 ,i know that6 ,it is a          
temptation of the devil1 sure enough1   
and it  is an uncommonly effective one4 
,he gets inside the weakness of our     
mortal  nature1 and tells us that we    
have come down to the truth at last4    
,it's all  nonsense1 of course1 but it's
 infernally ingenious nonsense4 ,he     
brings all  the failures of the world   
before your mind and heart1 the thought 

of all  the people who have fallen by   
the roadside and can't get up1 and1     
worse  still1 all the people who have   
lost hope and pride1 and don't want to  
be  different4 ,he points out how brief 
our time is1 and how little we know what
  lies beyond4 ,he shows us how the     
strong and unscrupulous and cruel people
  succeed and have a good time1 and how 
many well-meaning1 sensitive1 muddled   
people come to hopeless grief4 ,oh1 he  
has a score of instances1 a quiver  full
 of poisonous shafts4 ,he was silent for
 a minute1 and then he said1  ,old boy1 
we won't heed him1 you and ,i4 ,we'll   
say1 ',yes1 my dear ,apollyon1  all that
 is undoubtedly true4 ,you do a lot of  
mischief1 but your time is  short4 ,you 
wound us and disable us--you can even   
kill us2 but it's a poor  policy at     
best4 ,you defeat yourself1 because we  
slip away and you can't  follow us4 ,and
 when we are refreshed and renewed1 we  
will come back1 and go  on with the     
battle4' ,that's what well say1 like old

 ,sir ,andrew ,barton3      ',i'll but  
lie down and bleed awhile1    ,and then 
,i'll rise and fight again4'    ,you    
must never mind being defeated1 old man4
 ,you must never say that your  sins    
have done for you6 ,i don't care what a 
man has done1 ,i don't care how  cruel1 
wicked1 sensual1 evil he has been1 if in
 the bottom of his heart he  can say1   
',i belong to ,god1 after all6' ,that's 
the last and worst assault of  the      
devil1 when he comes and whispers to you
 that you have cut yourself off  from   
,god4 ,you can't do that1 whatever you  
feel4 ,i have been thinking to-day  of  
all the mistakes ,i have made1 how ,i   
have drifted along1 how ,i have  enjoyed
 myself1 when ,i might have been helping
 other people2 what a lazy1  greedy1    
ugly business it has all been1 how      
little ,i have ever made  myself do     
anything4 ,but ,i don't care4 ,i go     
straight to ,god and ,i say1  ',father1 
,i have sinned against ,heaven and      
before ,thee1 and am no more  worthy to 

be called ,thy son4' ,but ,i am ,his    
son1 for all that1 and ,i know it  and  
,he knows it2 and ,apollyon may straddle
 across the way as much as he  likes1   
but he can't stop me4 ,if he does stop  
me1 he only sends me straight  home4    
,i saw the tears stand in ,father       
,payne's eyes1 and ,i said hurriedly and
  eagerly1 ,why1 ,father1 you have done 
so much1 for me1 for all of us1 for     
everyone you have ever had to do with4  
,don't speak so2 it isn't true1 it      
hasn't been a failure4 ,you are the only
 person ,i have met who has showed me   
what goodness really is4    ,father     
,payne pressed my arm1 but he did not   
speak for a moment4    ,you are very    
good to me1 old man1 he said in a       
moment4 ,i was not trying  to get a     
testimonial out of you1 you know2 and of
 course you can't judge  how far ,i have
 fallen short of all ,i might have done4
 ,but your affection  and your kindness 
are very precious to me4 ,you give me a 
message from ,god6  ,it matters little  

how near the truth you are or how far   
away4 ,god doesn't  think of that4 ,he  
isn't a hard reckoner2 ,he's only glad  
when we return to  ,him1 and put down   
our tired head upon ,his shoulder for a 
little4 ,but even  so1 that isn't the   
end4 ,as soon as we are strong again1 we
 must begin  again4 ,there's plenty left
 to do4 ,the battle isn't over because  
you or ,i  are tired4 ,he is tired      
,himself1 ,i dare say4 ,but it all goes 
on1 and there  is victory ahead4 ,don't 
forget that1 dear boy4 ,it's no good    
being  heart-broken or worn out4 ,rise  
and fight again as soon as you can4 ,i'm
  quite ready--,i haven't had enough4 ,i
 have had an easy post1 ,i don't deny   
that4 ,i have suffered very little1 as  
suffering goes2 and ,i'm grateful for   
that2 but we mustn't fall in love with  
rest4 ,if we sleep1 it is only that  we 
may rise refreshed1 and go off again    
singing4 ,we mustn't be afraid of       
weakness and suffering1 and we mustn't  
be afraid of joy and strength  either4  

,that's treachery1 you know4            
,presently he said1 ,now you must leave 
me here a little6 ,you came in the  nick
 of time1 and you brought me a message4 
,it always comes1 if you ask for  it6   
,and ,i shall say a prayer for the      
,little ,master himself1 as ,sintram    
called him1 before ,i go4 ,he has his   
points1 you know4 ,he is uncommonly     
shrewd and tenacious and brave4 ,he's   
fighting for his life1 and ,i pity him  
whenever he suspects--and it must be    
pretty often--that things are not  going
 his way4 ,i don't despair of the old   
fellow himself1 if ,i may say so4  ,i   
suspect him of a sense of humour4 ,i    
can't help thinking he will  capitulate 
and cut his losses some day1 and then we
 shall get things right  in a trice4 ,he
 will be conquered1 and perhaps         
convinced2 but he won't be  used        
vindictively1 whatever happens4 ,my     
knowledge of that1 and of the fact  that
 he has got defeat ahead of him1 and    
knows it1 is the best defence  against  

him1 even when it is his hour1 and the  
power of darkness1 as it has  been      
to-day4    ,i got up and left him2 he   
smiled at me and waved his hand4        
,,lxxi    ,,the ,,bank ,,of ,,the       
,,river      ,the week passed without   
anything further occurring to arouse our
 anxieties1  and ,father ,payne went up 
to town on the ,monday3 he went off in  
apparently  good spirits3 but we got a  
wire in the course of the day to say    
that he was  detained in town by        
business and would write4 ,on the       
following morning1  ,barthrop came into 
my room in silence1 shortly after       
breakfast1 and handed  me a letter      
without a word4 ,it was very short3 it  
ran as follows3        ,,dear           
,,leonard1--,i want you to come up to   
town to-morrow to see      me1 and if   
,duncan cares to come1 ,i shall be      
delighted to see him      too1 though ,i
 know he has an artistic objection to   
seeing people      who are ill1 and ,i  
understand that ,i am ill4 ,i saw a     

doctor      yesterday1 and he advised me
 to see a specialist1 who advised me    
to have an operation4 ,it seems better  
to get it over at once2 so      ,i went 
without delay into a nursing home1 where
 ,i feel like a      child in the       
nursery again4 ,i want to talk over     
matters1 and it      will be better to  
say nothing which will cause a fuss4 ,so
 just      run up to-morrow1 there's a  
good man1 and you can get back in the   
evening4 ,ever yours1        ,c4,p4     
,it happened that there were only two of
 us at ,aveley at the time1 ,kaye1 and  
a younger man1 ,raven1 who had just     
joined4 ,we determined to say nothing   
about it till the following morning3 the
 day passed heavily enough4 ,i found  ,i
 could do nothing with the dread of what
 it might all mean overhanging me4  ,i  
admired ,barthrop's common-sense3 he    
spent the day1 he told me1 in doing     
accounts--he acted as a sort of         
bursar--and he kept up a quiet          
conversation  at dinner in which ,i     

confess ,i played a very poor part4     
,kaye never noticed  anything1 and had  
no curiosity1 and ,raven had no         
suspicion of anything  unusual4 ,i slept
 ill that night1 and found myself in a  
very much depressed  mood on the        
following morning4 ,i realised at every 
moment how entirely  everything at      
,aveley was centred upon ,father ,payne1
 and how he was both in  the foreground 
as well as in the background of all that
 we did or thought4  ,our journey passed
 almost in silence1 and we drove        
straight to the nursing  home in        
,mayfair4 ,we were admitted to a little 
waiting-room in a bright1  fresh-looking
 house1 and were presently greeted by a 
genial and motherly  old lady1 dressed  
in a sort of nursing uniform1 who told  
us that ,mr4 ,payne  was expecting us4  
,we asked anxiously how he was4 ,oh1 he 
is very cheerful1  she said2 his nurse1 
,sister ,jane1 thinks he is the most    
amusing man she  ever saw4 ,you must not
 worry about him4 ,the operation is to  

be on  ,friday--he seems very well and  
strong in himself1 and we will soon have
 him  all right again--you will see6 ,he
 is just the sort of man to make a good 
recovery4 ,then she added1 ,mr4 ,payne  
said he thought you would like to see   
the doctor1 so he is going to look in   
here in half an hour from now--he  will 
see ,mr4 ,payne first1 and then you can 
have a good talk to him4 ,you are  going
 back this afternoon1 ,i think8    ,that
 depends6 said ,barthrop4    ,oh1 ,mr4  
,payne is expecting you to go back1 ,i  
know--we will just run up and  see him  
now4    ,we went up two flights of      
stairs3 the matron knocked at a door in 
the  passage1 and we went in4 ,father   
,payne was sitting up in bed1 in a sort 
of  blue wrapper which gave him1 ,i     
thought1 a curiously monastic air--he   
was  reading quietly4 ,the room was     
large and airy1 and looked out on the   
backs  of tall houses3 it was quiet     
enough3 there was just a far-off murmur 
of the  town in the air4    ,he greeted 

us with much animation1 and smiled at   
me4 ,it's good of you to  come1 ,i'm    
sure1 he said1 with your feeling about  
ill people4 ,i don't  object to that1 he
 added in the familiar manner4 ,i think 
it's a sign of  health1 you know6 ,we   
sat down beside him4 ,now1 said ,father 
,payne1 don't  let's have any grave     
looks or hushed voices--you remember    
what ,baines told  us1 when he joined   
the ,church of ,rome1 that when he got  
back after his  reception1 his friends  
all spoke to him as if he had had a     
serious illness4  ,the matter is simple 
enough--and ,i'm going to speak plainly4
 ,i have got  some internal mischief1   
something that obstructs the passages1  
and it has  got to be removed4 ,there's 
a risk1 of course--they never can tell  
exactly  what they will find1 but they  
don't think it has gone too far to be   
remedied4 ,i don't pretend to like      
it--in fact it's decidedly inconvenient4
  ,i like my own little plans as well as
 anyone6 and this time ,i don't seem    

able to look ahead--there's a sort of   
wall ahead of me4 ,i feel as if ,i had  
come1 like the boy in the ,water        
,babies1 to the place which was  called 
,stop6 ,he paused a moment and smiled on
 us1 his big  good-natured smile4       
,but if ,i put my head out of the other 
end of the tunnel1 ,i shall go on as    
usual4 ,if ,i don't1 then ,i had better 
tell you what ,i have done4 ,you  know  
,i have no near relations4 ,the noble   
family of ,payne is practically  summed 
up in me4 ,the ,vicar's a sort of       
cousin1 but a very diluted one4 ,i  have
 arranged by my will that if you two    
fellows think you can keep the  place   
going on its present lines1 you can have
 a try4 ,but ,i don't think it  will do1
 ,i think it will be artificial and     
possibly ridiculous4 ,i don't  think it 
has got life6 ,and if you decide not to 
try1 then it will all go to  my old     
,college1 which is quite alive4 ,i would
 rather they would not sell  it--but    
bless me1 what does it matter8 ,it is a 

mistake to try and grip  anything with a
 dead hand4 ,but if ,i get through1 and 
,i believe ,i have a  good chance of    
doing so1 you must just keep things     
going till ,i get  back--which won't be 
long4 ,there's the case in a nutshell6  
,you quite  understand8 ,i don't want   
you to do what you think ,i should wish1
 because ,i  don't wish4 ,and now we    
won't say another word about it1 unless 
there  are any questions you would like 
to ask4 ,by the way1 ,i have arranged   
the  programme for the day4 ,the doctor 
is coming to see me presently1 and while
  he is here you can have some          
lunch--they will see to that--and then  
you can  have a talk to him1 while ,i   
have my lunch--,i can tell you they do  
feed me  up here6--and then we will have
 a talk1 and you can catch the #d4cj4   
,you  know how ,i like planning out a   
day4    ,but we thought we would like to
 stay in town1 and see it all through1  
said ,barthrop4 ,we have brought up some
 things4    ,stuff and nonsense6 said   

,father ,payne in his old manner4 ,back 
you go by  the #d4cj1 things and all6 ,i
 have got the best nurse in the world1  
,sister  ,jane4 ,by ,george1 it's a     
treat exploring that woman's mind4      
,she's full of  kindness and common     
sense and courage1 without a grain of   
reason4 ,there's  nothing in the world  
that woman wouldn't do1 and nothing she 
wouldn't  believe--she's entirely       
mediaeval4 ,then ,i have some books3 and
 ,i'm going to  read and talk and play  
patience--,i'm quite good at that       
already--and eat  and drink and sleep4  
,i'm not to be disturbed1 ,i tell you6  
,to-morrow is a  complete holiday3 and  
on ,friday the great event comes off4 ,i
 won't have any  useless emotion1 or any
 bedside thoughts6 ,he glanced at us    
smiling and  said1 ,oh1 of course1 my   
dear boys1 ,i'm only joking4 ,i know you
 would like  to stay1 and ,i would like 
to have you here well enough3 but see   
here--if  all goes well1 what's the use 
of this drama8--people can't behave     

quite  naturally1 however much they     
would like to1 and ,i don't want any    
melting  looks3 and if it goes the other
 way--well1 ,i don't like good-byes4 ,i 
agree  with dear old ,mrs4 ,barbauld3   
',say not ,good-night1 but in some      
brighter clime          ,bid me         
,good-morning4'    ,he was silent for a 
moment--and just at that moment the     
doctor arrived4    ,we went off to lunch
 with the old matron1 who talked        
cheerfully about  things in general3 and
 it was strange to feel that what was to
 us so deep a  tragedy was to her just a
 familiar experience1 a thing that      
happened day by  day4    ,then the      
doctor came in1 a tall1 thin1 pale1     
unembarrassed man1 very frank  and      
simple4    ,yes1 he said1 there's a     
risk--,i don't deny that6 ,one never    
knows exactly  what the mischief is or  
how far it extends4 ,i told ,mr4 ,payne 
exactly what ,i  thought4 ,he is the    
sort of man to whom one can do that4    
,but he is strong1  he has lived a      

healthy life1 he has a great            
vitality--everything is in his  favour4 
,how long has he seemed to be ill1 by   
the way8    ,some three or four months1 
,i think1 said ,barthrop4 ,but it is    
difficult  when you see anyone every day
 to realise a change--and then he is    
always  cheerful4    ,he is1 said the   
doctor4 ,i never saw a better patient4  
,he told me his  symptoms like a doctor 
describing someone else's case1 ,i never
 heard  anything so impersonal6 ,we     
managed to catch ,dr4 ,angus--that's the
  specialist1 you know1 who will        
operate4 ,mr4 ,payne wasn't in the least
  flurried4 ,he showed no sign of being 
surprised3 we sent him in here at  once1
 and he seems to have made friends with 
everyone4 ,that's all to the  good1 of  
course4 ,he's not a nervous subject4    
,no1 he added reflectively1  he has an  
excellent chance of recovery4 ,but ,i   
should deceive you if ,i  pretended     
there was no risk4 ,there is a risk1 and
 we must hope for  the best4 ,by the    

way1 gentlemen1 he added1 taking up his 
hat1 ,i hope you  won't think of staying
 in town4 ,mr4 ,payne seems most anxious
 that you  should go back1 and ,i think 
his wish should be paramount4 ,you can  
do  nothing here1 and ,i think your     
remaining would fret him4 ,i won't      
attempt to  dictate1 but ,i feel that   
you would do well to go6    ,oh1 yes1 we
 will go1 said ,barthrop4 ,you will let 
us know how all goes8    ,of course6    
said the doctor4 ,you shall hear at     
once6    ,we went back1 and spent an    
hour with ,father ,payne4 ,i shall never
 forget  that hour3 he talked on        
quietly1 seeing that we were unable to  
do our part4  ,he spoke about the men   
and their work1 and gave pleasant1      
half-humorous  summaries of their       
characters4 ,he gave us some little     
reminiscences of his  life in ,london2  
he talked about the villagers at        
,aveley1 and the servants4  ,i realised 
afterwards that he had spoken a few     
words about every single  person in the 

circle1 small or great4 ,the time sped  
past1 and presently  they told us that  
our cab was at the door1 ,now don't make
 me think you are  going to miss the    
train1 old boys6 said ,father ,payne1   
raising himself up  to shake hands4 ,i  
have enjoyed the sight of you4 ,give    
them all my love3 be  good and wise6    
,god bless you both6 ,he shook hands    
with ,barthrop and with  me1 and ,i felt
 the soft touch of his firm hand1 as ,i 
had done at our first  meeting4         
,barthrop did not speak1 and went       
hurriedly from the room1 without        
looking round4 ,i could not help it1 but
 ,i bent down and kissed his hand4      
,well1 well6 he said indulgently1 and   
gave me a most tender and beautiful     
look out of his big eyes1 and then he   
mentioned to me to go4 ,i went in       
silence4    ,we felt1 both of us1 a     
premonition of the worst disaster4 ,i   
knew in my  heart that it was the end4  
,it seemed to me characteristic of      
,father ,payne  to make his farewells   

simply1 and without any dramatic        
emphasis4 ,the way in  which he had     
spoken of all his friends1 in that last 
hour we spent with  him1 had been a     
series of adieux1 and even as ,i        
recalled his words1 they  seemed to me  
to shape themselves into unspoken       
messages4 ,his own calmness  had been   
unmistakable1 and was marvellous to me2 
but it was all the more  impressive     
because he did not1 as one has read in  
some of the well-known  scenes recorded 
in history of the deaths of famous men1 
seem to be  attempting to say anything  
memorable or magnanimous4 ,what can ,i  
say that  will be worthy of             
myself8--that question appears to me to 
be sometimes  lurking in the minds of   
men who have played a great part in the 
world1 and  who are determined to play  
it to the end4 ,it is1 of course a noble
 sort of  courage which enables a man1  
at the very threshold of death1 to force
  himself to behave with dignity and    
grandeur3 but it seemed to me now to be 

an even more supreme courage to be1 as  
,father ,payne was1 simply himself4     
,sir ,walter ,raleigh1 ,sir ,thomas     
,more1 ,charles ,,ii1 ,archbishop ,laud 
all died  with a real greatness of      
undismayed bravery1 but with just a     
sense of  enacting a part rehearsed4    
,the death scene of ,socrates1 which is1
 ,i  suppose1 a romantically constructed
 tale1 does indeed give a picture of    
perfect naturalness3 and ,i thought that
 ,father ,payne's demeanour1 like that  
of ,socrates1 showed clearly enough that
 the idea of death was not an           
overshadowing dread dispelled by an     
effort of the will1 but that it was not 
present as a fear in his mind at all1   
and rather regarded with a reverent     
curiosity3 and ,i was reminded of a     
saying of ,father ,payne's which ,i have
  elsewhere recorded1 that the virtues  
to which we give our most unhesitating  
admiration are the instinctive virtues  
rather than the reasoned virtues4 ,if   
,father ,payne had appeared to be       

keeping a firm hold on himself1 and to  
be  obliging himself to speak things    
timely and fitting1 ,i should have      
admired  him deeply3 but ,i admired him 
all the more because of his unaffected  
tranquillity and unuttered affection4   
,he had just enveloped us in his own    
calmness1 and gone straight forward4    
,we made our journey almost in silence3 
,barthrop was too much moved to  speak3 
and my own mind was dim with trouble1 at
 all that we were to lose1  and yet     
drawn away into an infinite loyalty and 
tenderness for one who had  been more   
than a father to me4        ,,lxxii     
,,the ,,crossing      ,the end is soon  
told4 ,on the following day1 we thought 
it best to tell our  two companions and 
the ,vicar what was happening1 and we   
also told the old  butler that ,father  
,payne was ill4 ,it was a day of        
infinite dreariness to  me1 with        
outbursts of sharp emotion at the sight 
of everything so closely  connected with
 ,father ,payne1 and with the thought   

that he would see them no  more4    ,i  
was sitting in my room on the ,friday   
morning1 after a sleepless night1  when 
,barthrop came in and handed me a       
telegram from the doctor4 ,mr4 ,payne   
never recovered consciousness1 and died 
an hour after the operation4 ,all       
details arranged4 ,please await letter4 
,i raised my eyes to ,barthrop's  face1 
but saw that he could not speak4 ,i     
could say nothing either3 my mind  and  
heart seemed to crumble suddenly into a 
hopeless despair4    ,a letter reached  
us the same evening by train4 ,it was to
 the effect that  ,father ,payne had    
written down some exact directions the  
day before and  given them to the       
matron4 ,he did not wish1 in case of his
 death1 that  anyone should see his     
body3 he wished to be placed in the     
simplest of  coffins1 as soon as        
possible1 and that the coffin should be 
sent down by  train to ,aveley1 be taken
 from the station straight to the       
church1 and if  possible to be buried at

 once4 ,but even so1 that was only his  
wish1 and he  particularly desired to   
avoid alike all ceremony and            
inconvenience4 ,but  besides that there 
were two notes enclosed addressed in    
,father ,payne's hand  to ,barthrop and 
myself1 which ran as follows3        ,my
 dear ,leonard1--,i thought it very good
 of you to come up to      see me1 and  
no less good of you to go away as ,i    
desired4 ,it is      possible1 of       
course1 that ,i may return to you1 and  
all be as      before4 ,but to be frank1
 ,i do not think it will be so4 ,even if
 ,i      survive1 ,i shall1 ,i think1 be
 much weakened by this operation1       
and shall have the possibility of a     
recurrence of the disease      hanging  
over me4 ,much as ,i love life1 and the 
world where ,i have      found it       
pleasant to live1 ,i do not want to lead
 a broken sort of      existence1 with  
invalid precautions and limitations4 ,i 
think that      this would bring out all
 that is worst in me1 and would lead to 

unhappiness both in myself and in all   
those about me4 ,if it has      to be   
so1 ,i shall do my best1 but ,i think it
 would be a      discreditable          
performance4 ,i do not1 however1 think  
that ,i shall      have this trial laid 
upon me4 ,i feel that ,i am summoned    
elsewhere1 and ,i am glad to think that 
my passage will be a swift      one4 ,i 
am not afraid of what lies beyond1      
because ,i believe death      to be     
simple and natural enough1 and a        
perfectly definite thing4      ,of what 
lies beyond it1 ,i can form no idea2 all
 our theories are      probably quite   
wide of the mark4 ,but it will be the   
same for me      as it has been for all 
others who have died1 and as it will    
some      day be for you2 and when we   
know1 we shall be surprised that we     
did not see what it would be4 ,i confess
 that ,i love the things      that ,i   
know1 and dislike the unknown4 ,the     
world is very dear and      familiar1   
and it has been kind and beautiful to   

me1 as well as      full of interest4   
,but ,i expect that things will be much 
simplified4 ,and please bear this in    
mind1 that such a scene which      we   
went through yesterday is worse for     
those who stand by and can      do      
nothing than for the man himself2 and   
you will believe me when      ,i say    
that ,i am neither afraid nor unhappy4  
,with regard to my wishes about the     
place being kept on1 on      its present
 lines1 remember that it is only a wish1
 and not to be      regarded as a       
binding obligation or undertaken against
 your      judgment4 ,i trust you fully 
in this1 as ,i have always trusted      
you2 and ,i will just thank you1 once   
and for all1 for all that      you have 
done and been4 ,i shall always think of 
you with deep      gratitude and lasting
 affection4 ,god bless you now and      
always4      ,your old friend1          
,,charles ,,payne4    ,to me he had     
written3        ,my dear boy1--,please  
read my letter to ,barthrop1 which is   

meant for you as well4 ,i won't repeat  
myself--you know ,i dislike      that4  
,but ,i would like just to say that you 
have been more like a      son to me    
than anyone ,i ever have known1 and ,i  
thank ,god for      bringing you into my
 life1 and for all your kind and        
faithful      affection4 ,you must just 
go on as you have begun2 and ,i can only
      say that if ,i still have any     
knowledge of what goes on in the        
world1 my affection and interest will   
not fail2 and if ,i have      not1 ,i   
shall believe that we shall still find  
each other again1      and rejoice in   
mutual knowledge and confidence4 ,you   
are very dear      to me1 and always    
will be4        ,settle everything with 
,leonard4 ,i know that you will be able 
to interpret my wishes as ,i should wish
 them to be interpreted4      ,your     
affectionate old friend1        ,c4     
,,payne4    ,the last act was simple    
enough4 ,the preparations were soon     
made4 ,the coffin  arrived at midday1   

and was buried in the afternoon1 between
 the church and  the ,hall4 ,it was sad 
and beautiful to see the heartfelt grief
 of the  villagers3 and it was wonderful
 to me that at that moment ,i recovered 
a  kind of serenity on the surface of   
the grief below1 so that in the still   
afternoon as we walked away from the    
grave it seemed to me strange rather    
than sorrowful4 ,with those last letters
 in mind1 it seemed to me almost        
traitorous to mourn4 ,he at least had   
his heart's desire1 and ,i did not      
doubt that he was abundantly satisfied4 
,,lxxiii    ,,after-,,thoughts          
,barthrop and ,i decided that we could  
not hope to continue the scheme4 ,we    
had neither the force nor the           
experience4 ,the whole society was1 we  
felt1  just the expression of ,father   
,payne's personality1 and without it1 it
 had  neither stability nor             
significance4 ,barthrop and the ,vicar  
were left money  legacies3 the servants 
all received little pensions3 there was 

a sum for  distribution in the village1 
and a fund endowed to meet certain      
practical  needs of the place4 ,we      
handed over the estate to ,father       
,payne's old  ,college1 the furniture   
and pictures to go with the house1 which
 was to be  let1 if possible1 to a      
tenant who would be inclined to settle  
there and  make it his home3 the income 
of the estate was to provide travelling 
scholarships4 ,all had been carefully   
thought out with much practical sense   
and insight4    ,our other two          
companions went away4 ,barthrop and ,i  
stayed on at the ,hall  together for    
some weeks to settle the final          
arrangements4 ,we had some  wonderfully 
touching letters from old pupils and    
friends of ,father ,payne's4  ,one in   
particular1 saying that the writer owed 
an infinite debt of  gratitude to       
,father ,payne1 for having saved him    
from himself and given him  a new life4 
,we talked much of ,father ,payne in    
those days2 and ,i went alone to all the

  places where ,i had walked with him1  
recalling more gratefully than sadly    
how he had looked and moved and talked  
and smiled4    ,it came to the last     
night that we were to spend at the ,hall
 together4  ,everything had been gone   
through and arranged1 and we were glad1 
,i think1  to be departing4    ,i don't 
know what to say and think about it all1
 said ,barthrop2 ,i feel  at present    
quite lost and stranded1 as if my motive
 for living were gone1  and as if ,i    
could hardly take up my work again4 ,i  
know it is wrong1 and ,i  am ashamed of 
it4 ,father ,payne always said that we  
must not depend  helplessly upon persons
 or institutions1 but must find our own 
real life  and live it--you remember8   
,yes1 ,i said1 indeed ,i do remember6   
,but ,i do not think he ever realised   
quite how strong he was1 and how he     
affected those about him4 ,he did not   
need us--,i sometimes think he did not  
need anyone--and he credited everyone   
with living the same intent life that he

 lived4 ,but ,i shall always be         
infinitely grateful to him for showing  
me just that--that one must live  one's 
own life1 through and in spite of       
everything grievous that happens4  ,the 
temptation is to indulge grief1 and to  
feel that collapse in such a  case is a 
sign of loyalty4 ,it isn't so--if one   
collapses1 it only means  that one has  
been living an artificial and           
parasitical life4 ,father ,payne  would 
have hated that--and ,i don't mean to do
 it4 ,he has given me not only  an      
example1 but an inspiration--a real     
current of life has flowed into my  life
 from his--or perhaps rather through his
 from some deeper origin4    ,that is   
so1 said ,barthrop1 that is perfectly   
true6 and don't you  remember too how he
 always said life must be a real        
fight--a joining  in the fight that was 
going forwards8 ,it need not be         
wrangling or  disputing1 or finding     
fault with other people1 or maintaining 
and  confuting4 ,he used to say that    

people fought in a hundred ways--with   
their  humour1 their companionableness1 
their kindness1 their friendliness--it  
need not be violent1 and indeed if it   
was violent1 that was fighting on the   
wrong side--it had only to be calm and  
sincere and dutiful4    ,did he say     
that8 ,i said4 ,yes1 ,i am sure he      
did--no one else could say it  or think 
of it4 ,of course1 we have to fight1 but
 not by dealing injury and  harm1 but by
 seeking and following peace and        
goodwill4 ,well1 we must  try--and it   
may be that we shall find him again1    
though he is hidden for a  little while 
with ,god4    ,yes1 said ,barthrop1 we  
shall find him1 or he will find us--it  
makes  little difference3 and he will   
always be the same1 though ,i hope we   
may be  different6        ,,lxxiv       
,,departure      ,it was a soft and     
delicious spring morning when ,i left   
,aveley--and ,i have  never had the     
heart to visit it again4 ,i had had a   
sleepless night1 with  the thought of   

,father ,payne continually in my mind4  
,i saw him in a score of  attitudes1 as 
he loitered in the garden with that look
 of inexpressible and  tender interest  
that he had for all that grew out of the
  earth--worshipping1 ,i used to think1 
at the shrine of life--or as he sat     
rapt in thought in church1 or as he     
strode beside me along the uplands1 or  
as he came and went in a hurried        
abstraction1 or as he argued and        
discussed1 with his great animated smile
 and his quick little gestures4 ,i  felt
 how his personality had filled our     
lives to the brim1 as a spring  whose   
waters fail not4 ,it was not that he was
 a perfect character1 with a  tranquil  
and effortless superiority1 or with a   
high intellectual tenacity1  or with an 
unruffled serenity4 ,he was sensitive1  
impatient1 fitful1  prejudiced4 ,he had 
little constructive capacity1 no        
creative or dramatic  power1 no         
loftiness of tragic emotion4 ,i knew all
 that2 ,i did not regard  him with a    

false or uncritical reverence4 ,but he  
was vital1 generous1 rich  in zest and  
joy1 heroic1 as no other man ,i had ever
 known4 ,he had no petty  ambition1 no  
thirst for recognition1 no acidity of   
judgment4 ,he never  sought to impress  
himself3 but his was a large1           
affectionate1 liberal  nature1 more     
responsive to life1 more lavish of self1
 more disinterested  than any human     
being that had crossed my path4 ,he had 
never desired to make  disciples--he was
 not self-confident or self-regarding   
enough for that4 ,but  he had continued 
to draw us all with him into a vortex of
 life1 where the  stream ran swiftly1   
and where it seemed disgraceful to be   
either listless  or unconcerned4 ,i     
blessed the kindly fate that had guided 
me to him1 and  had won for me his deep 
regard4 ,i did not wish to copy or      
imitate him--he  had infected me with a 
deep distrust for dependence--,i only   
wished to live  my own life in the same 
eager spirit4 ,as he had said to me     

once1 the motto  for every man was to be
 ,amor ,fati--not a reluctant           
acquiescence1 or  a feeble optimism1 or 
a gentle resignation1 but a passion for 
one's own  destiny1 a deep desire to    
make the most and the best out of life1 
and a  strong purpose to share one's    
best with all who were journeying at    
one's  side4    ,so the night passed1   
thick with recollections and regrets1   
deepening into a  horror of loss and    
darkness1 and then slowly brightening   
into the calm  prelude of a day of      
farewell4 ,the birds began to chirp and 
twitter in the  ivy2 the thrush uttered 
her long-drawn notes1 sweetly repeated  
and  sustained in the dusky bushes4     
,that sound was much connected in my    
mind  with ,aveley4 ,to be awakened thus
 in the summer dawn1 to listen awhile to
  the delicious sound1 to fall asleep   
again with the thought of the long      
pleasant day of work and friendship     
ahead of me1 had been one of my         
greatest luxuries4    ,i rose early1 and

 made my last preparations1 and then1   
having got a little  time before the    
last meal ,i was to take with ,barthrop1
 ,i went round about  the garden with a 
desire to draw into my spirit for the   
last time the pure  and happy atmosphere
 of the place4    ,i saw the beds       
fringed with purple polyanthus1 and the 
daffodils in the  dewy grass4 ,i gazed  
at the long lines of the low hills      
across the stream1  with the woodland   
spaces all flushed with spring4 ,i heard
 the cawing of the  rooks in the soft   
air1 and the bubbling song of the       
chaffinches filled the  shrubberies4    
,i knew the mood of old--the mood in    
which1 after a holiday sojourn in some  
place which one has learned to love1 a  
happy space of time stained by no  base 
anxiety1 shadowed by no calamity1 the   
call to rejoin the routine of  life     
makes itself heard half reluctantly1    
half ardently4 ,the heart at such       
moments tries to be grateful without    
regret1 and hopeful without             

indifference4 ,the purpose to go1 the   
desire to stay1 wrestle together2 and   
now at the end of the happiest and most 
fruitful period ,i had ever known or    
was ever1 ,i thought1 likely to know1 ,i
 felt like ,jacob wrestling with the    
angel till the breaking of the day1 and 
crying out1 half in weakness1 half  in  
strength1 ,i will not let thee go until 
thou bless me4    ,it came1 the sudden  
blessing which ,i desired4 ,it fell like
 some full warm  shower upon the thirsty
 earth4 ,in that moment ,i had the      
blissful instinct  which had before been
 but a reasoned conviction1 that ,father
 ,payne was near  me1 with me1 about me1
 enfolding me with a swift tenderness1  
and yet at the  same time pointing me   
forward1 bidding me clearly and almost1 
it seemed1  petulantly1 to disengage    
myself from all dependence upon himself 
or his  example4 ,he had other things to
 do1 ,i felt with something like a      
smile1  than to hover over me and haunt 
my path with tenderness4 ,such weakness 

of  sentiment was worthy neither of     
himself nor of myself4 ,i had all the   
world  before me1 and ,i was to take my 
part in it with spirit and even gaiety4 
,to  shrink into the shadow1 to live in 
tearful retrospect--it was not to be    
thought of2 and ,i had in that moment a 
glow of thankful energy which made      
light of grief and pain alike4 ,i must  
take hold of life instantly and with    
both hands4 ,i saw it in a sudden flash 
of light4    ,i went to the churchyard1 
,i stood for an instant beside the      
grave1 now  turfed over and planted with
 daffodils4 ,i put aside from my heart1 
once and  for all1 the old wistful      
instinct which ties the living to the   
dead4 ,the  poor body that lay there1   
dust in dust1 had no more to do with    
,father ,payne  than the stained        
candle-socket with the flame that had   
leapt away upon the  air4 ,that was a   
moment of true and certain joy2 so that 
when ,i went back to  the house and     
joined ,barthrop1 ,i felt no longer the 

uneasy quivering of the  spirit which   
had long overmastered me4 ,he too was   
calm and brave2 we sat  together for the
 last time1 we talked with an unaffected
 cheerfulness of  the future4 ,he too1  
,i saw1 had experienced the same        
loosening of the spirit  from its       
trivial bonds1 dear and beautiful as    
they were1 so long as one did  not hug  
them close4    ,i never thought1 he said
 to me at last1 to go light-heartedly   
away--and  yet ,i can do even that6 ,i  
have heard something1 ,i can hardly say 
what1  which tells me to go forward1 not
 to hanker1 not to look back--and which 
tells me best of all that it would be   
almost like treachery to wish the       
,father back again4 ,it is better so6 ,i
 say this1 he went on1 not with         
resignation1 not with a mild desire to  
make the best of a bad business1 but    
with a serene certainty that it is not a
 bad business at all4 ,i cannot tell    
where it is gone1 the cloud that has    
oppressed me--but it is gone1 and it    

will not come back4    ,yes1 ,i said1 ,i
 recognise that--,i feel it too2 our    
work here is done1 and  we have work    
waiting for us4 ,we shall meet1 we shall
 compare experiences1  we shall love our
 fate4 ,life is to be a new quest1 not  
an old worship4 ,that  is to be our     
loyalty to ,father ,payne1 that we are  
to believe in life1 and  not only to    
believe in memory4    ,it was soon over4
 ,barthrop was to go later1 and he came 
out to see me go4  ,just before ,i      
started1 the old clock played its sweet 
tune2 we stood in  silence listening4   
,that is the best of omens1 ,i said1 to 
depart with  thanksgiving and the voice 
of melody4 ,he smiled in my face1 we    
clasped  hands2 ,i drove up the little  
road1 while he stood at the door1       
smiling and  waving his hand1 till ,i   
turned into the main road1 between the  
blossoming  hedges1 and saw ,aveley no  
more4