,illustration3 ,,authority4 ,,gentle ,,measures ,,in ,,the ,,management ,,and ,,training ,,of ,,the ,,young2 ,,or1 ,,the ,,principles ,,on ,,which ,a ,,firm ,,parental ,,authority ,,may ,,be ,,established ,,and ,,maintained1 ,,without ,,violence ,,or ,,anger1 ,,and ,,the ,,right ,,development ,,of ,,the ,,moral ,,and ,,mental ,,capacities ,,be ,,promoted ,,by ,,methods ,,in ,,harmony ,,with ,,the ,,structure ,,and ,,the ,,characteristics ,,of ,,the ,,juvenile ,,mind4 ,by ,,jacob ,,abbott1 ,,author ,,of ,,science ,,for ,,the ,,young1 ,,harper',s ,,story ,,books1 ,,franconia ,,stories1 ,,abbott',s ,,illustrated ,,histories1 ,,etc4 ,,numerous ,,illustrations4 ,entered according to ,act of ,congress1 in the year #ahga1 ,in the ,office of the ,librarian of ,congress1 at ,washington4 ,,contents4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,three ,,modes ,,of ,,management ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,what ,,are ,,gentle ,,measures8 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,there ,,must ,,be ,,authority ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,gentle ,,punishment ,,of ,,disobedience ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the ,,philosophy ,,of ,,punishment ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,rewarding ,,obedience ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,training ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,methods ,,exemplified ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,della ,,and ,,the ,,dolls ,,chapter ,x4 ,,sympathy3--,i4 ,,the ,,child ,,with ,,the ,,parent ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,sympathy3--,,ii4 ,,the ,,parent ,,with ,,the ,,child ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,commendation ,,and ,,encouragement ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,faults ,,of ,,immaturity ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,activity ,,of ,,children ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,the ,,imagination ,,in ,,children ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,truth ,,and ,,falsehood ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,judgment ,,and ,,reasoning ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,wishes ,,and ,,requests ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,children',s ,,questions ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,the ,,use ,,of ,,money ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,corporal ,,punishment ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,gratitude ,,in ,,children ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,religious ,,training ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,conclusion ,,illustrations ,,authority ,,indulgence ,,it ,,is ,,not ,,safe ,,the ,,lesson ,,in ,,obedience ,,roundabout ,,instruction ,,afraid ,,of ,,the ,,cow ,,the ,,intention ,,good ,,the ,,imaginative ,,faculty ,,story ,,of ,,the ,,horse ,,mother1 ,,what ,,makes ,,it ,,snow8 ,,the ,,runaway ,,the ,,first ,,instinct ,,gentle ,,measures4 ,,chapter ,i4 ,,the ,,three ,,modes ,,of ,,management4 ,it is not impossible that in the minds of some persons the idea of employing gentle measures in the management and training of children may seem to imply the abandonment of the principle of authority1 as the basis of the parental government1 and the substitution of some weak and inefficient system of artifice and manoeuvring in its place4 ,to suppose that the object of this work is to aid in effecting such a substitution as that1 is entirely to mistake its nature and design4 ,the only government of the parent over the child that is worthy of the name is one of authority--complete1 absolute1 unquestioned authority4 ,the object of this work is1 accordingly1 not to show how the gentle methods which will be brought to view can be employed as a substitute for such authority1 but how they can be made to aid in establishing and maintaining it4 ,three ,methods4 ,there are three different modes of management customarily employed by parents as means of inducing their children to comply with their requirements4 ,they are1 #a4 ,government by ,manoeuvring and ,artifice4 #b4 ,by ,reason and ,affection4 #c4 ,by ,authority4 ,manoeuvring and ,artifice4 #a4 ,many mothers manage their children by means of tricks and contrivances1 more or less adroit1 designed to avoid direct issues with them1 and to beguile them1 as it were1 into compliance with their wishes4 ,as1 for example1 where a mother1 recovering from sickness1 is going out to take the air with her husband for the first time1 and--as she is still feeble--wishes for a very quiet drive1 and so concludes not to take little ,mary with her1 as she usually does on such occasions2 but knowing that if ,mary sees the chaise at the door1 and discovers that her father and mother are going in it1 she will be very eager to go too1 she adopts a system of manoeuvres to conceal her design4 ,she brings down her bonnet and shawl by stealth1 and before the chaise comes to the door she sends ,mary out into the garden with her sister1 under pretense of showing her a bird's nest which is not there1 trusting to her sister's skill in diverting the child's mind1 and amusing her with something else in the garden1 until the chaise has gone4 ,and if1 either from hearing the sound of the wheels1 or from any other cause1 ,mary's suspicions are awakened--and children habitually managed on these principles soon learn to be extremely distrustful and suspicious--and she insists on going into the house1 and thus discovers the stratagem1 then1 perhaps1 her mother tells her that they are only going to the doctor's1 and that if ,mary goes with them1 the doctor will give her some dreadful medicine1 and compel her to take it1 thinking thus to deter her from insisting on going with them to ride4 ,as the chaise drives away1 ,mary stands bewildered and perplexed on the door-step1 her mind in a tumult of excitement1 in which hatred of the doctor1 distrust and suspicion of her mother1 disappointment1 vexation1 and ill humor1 surge and swell among those delicate organizations on which the structure and development of the soul so closely depend--doing perhaps an irreparable injury4 ,the mother1 as soon as the chaise is so far turned that ,mary can no longer watch the expression of her countenance1 goes away from the door with a smile of complacency and satisfaction upon her face at the ingenuity and success of her little artifice4 ,in respect to her statement that she was going to the doctor's1 it may1 or may not1 have been true4 ,most likely not2 for mothers who manage their children on this system find the line of demarkation between deceit and falsehood so vague and ill defined that they soon fall into the habit of disregarding it altogether1 and of saying1 without hesitation1 any thing which will serve the purpose in view4 ,governing by ,reason and ,affection4 #b4 ,the theory of many mothers is that they must govern their children by the influence of reason and affection4 ,their method may be exemplified by supposing that1 under circumstances similar to those described under the preceding head1 the mother calls ,mary to her side1 and1 smoothing her hair caressingly with her hand while she speaks1 says to her1 ,mary1 your father and ,i are going out to ride this afternoon1 and ,i am going to explain it all to you why you can not go too4 ,you see1 ,i have been sick1 and am getting well1 and ,i am going out to ride1 so that ,i may get well faster4 ,you love mamma1 ,i am sure1 and wish to have her get well soon4 ,so you will be a good girl1 ,i know1 and not make any trouble1 but will stay at home contentedly--won't you8 ,then ,i shall love you1 and your papa will love you1 and after ,i get well we will take you to ride with us some day4 ,the mother1 in managing the case in this way1 relies partly on convincing the reason of the child1 and partly on an appeal to her affection4 ,governing by ,authority4 #c4 ,by the third method the mother secures the compliance of the child by a direct exercise of authority4 ,she says to her--the circumstances of the case being still supposed to be the same-- ,mary1 your father and ,i are going out to ride this afternoon1 and ,i am sorry1 for your sake1 that we can not take you with us4 ,why can't you take me8 asks ,mary4 ,i can not tell you why1 now1 replies the mother1 but perhaps ,i will explain it to you after ,i come home4 ,i think there is a good reason1 and1 at any rate1 ,i have decided that you are not to go4 ,if you are a good girl1 and do not make any difficulty1 you can have your little chair out upon the front door-step1 and can see the chaise come to the door1 and see your father and me get in and drive away2 and you can wave your handkerchief to us for a good-bye4 ,then1 if she observes any expression of discontent or insubmission in ,mary's countenance1 the mother would add1 ,if you should not be a good girl1 but should show signs of making us any trouble1 ,i shall have to send you out somewhere to the back part of the house until we are gone4 ,but this last supposition is almost always unnecessary2 for if ,mary has been habitually managed on this principle she will not make any trouble4 ,she will perceive at once that the question is settled--settled irrevocably--and especially that it is entirely beyond the power of any demonstrations of insubmission or rebellion that she can make to change it4 ,she will acquiesce at once4,a ,she may be sorry that she can not go1 but she will make no resistance4 ,those children only attempt to carry their points by noisy and violent demonstrations who find1 by experience1 that such measures are usually successful4 ,a child1 even1 who has become once accustomed to them1 will soon drop them if she finds1 owing to a change in the system of management1 that they now never succeed4 ,and a child who never1 from the beginning1 finds any efficiency in them1 never learns to employ them at all4 ,conclusion4 ,of the three methods of managing children exemplified in this chapter1 the last is the only one which can be followed either with comfort to the parent or safety to the child2 and to show how this method can be brought effectually into operation by gentle measures is the object of this book4 ,it is1 indeed1 true that the importance of tact and skill in the training of the young1 and of cultivating their reason1 and securing their affection1 can not be overrated4 ,but the influences secured by these means form1 at the best1 but a sandy foundation for filial obedience to rest upon4 ,the child is not to be made to comply with the requirements of his parents by being artfully inveigled into compliance1 nor is his obedience to rest on his love for father and mother1 and his unwillingness to displease them1 nor on his conviction of the rightfulness and reasonableness of their commands1 but on simple submission to authority--that absolute and almost unlimited authority which all parents are commissioned by ,god and nature to exercise over their offspring during the period while the offspring remain dependent upon their care4 ,,chapter ,,ii4 ,,what ,,are ,,gentle ,,measures8 ,it being thus distinctly understood that the gentle measures in the training of children herein recommended are not to be resorted to as a substitute for parental authority1 but as the easiest and most effectual means of establishing and maintaining that authority in its most absolute form1 we have now to consider what the nature of these gentle measures is1 and by what characteristics they are distinguished1 in their action and influence1 from such as may be considered more or less violent and harsh4 ,gentle measures are those which tend to exert a calming1 quieting1 and soothing influence on the mind1 or to produce only such excitements as are pleasurable in their character1 as means of repressing wrong and encouraging right action4 ,ungentle measures are those which tend to inflame and irritate the mind1 or to agitate it with painful excitements4 ,three ,degrees of ,violence4 ,there seem to be three grades or forms of violence to which a mother may resort in controlling her children1 or1 perhaps1 rather three classes of measures which are more or less violent in their effects4 ,to illustrate these we will take an example4 ,case supposed4 ,one day ,louisa1 four years old1 asked her mother for an apple4 ,have you had any already8 asked her mother4 ,only one1 replied ,louisa4 ,then ,bridget may give you another1 said the mother4 ,what ,louisa said was not true4 ,she had already eaten two apples4 ,bridget heard the falsehood1 but she did not consider it her duty to betray the child1 so she said nothing4 ,the mother1 however1 afterwards1 in the course of the day1 accidentally ascertained the truth4 ,now1 as we have said1 there are three grades in the kind and character of the measures which may be considered violent that a mother may resort to in a case like this4 ,bodily ,punishment4 #a4 ,first1 there is the infliction of bodily pain4 ,the child may be whipped1 or tied to the bed-post1 and kept in a constrained and uncomfortable position for a long time1 or shut up in solitude and darkness1 or punished by the infliction of bodily suffering in other ways4 ,and there is no doubt that there is a tendency in such treatment to correct or cure the fault4 ,but measures like these1 whether successful or not1 are certainly violent measures4 ,they shock the whole nervous system1 sometimes with the excitement of pain and terror1 and always1 probably1 with that of resentment and anger4 ,in some cases this excitement is extreme4 ,the excessively delicate organization of the brain1 through which such agitations reach the sensorium1 and which1 in children of an early age1 is in its most tender and sensitive state of development1 is subjected to a most intense and violent agitation4 ,evil ,effects of ,violence in this ,form4 ,the evil effects of this excessive cerebral action may perhaps entirely pass away in a few hours1 and leave no trace of injury behind2 but then1 on the other hand1 there is certainly reason to fear that such commotions1 especially if often repeated1 tend to impede the regular and healthful development of the organs1 and that they may become the origin of derangements1 or of actual disorganizations1 resulting very seriously in future years4 ,it is impossible1 perhaps1 to know with certainty whether permanent ill effects follow in such cases or not4 ,at any rate1 such a remedy is a violent one4 ,the ,frightening ,system4 #b4 ,there is a second grade of violence in the treatment of such a case1 which consists in exciting pain or terror1 or other painful or disagreeable emotions1 through the imagination1 by presenting to the fancy of the child images of phantoms1 hobgoblins1 and other frightful monsters1 whose ire1 it is pretended1 is greatly excited by the misdeeds of children1 and who come in the night-time to take them away1 or otherwise visit them with terrible retribution4 ,domestic servants are very prone to adopt this mode of discipline4 ,being forbidden to resort to personal violence as a means of exciting pain and terror1 they attempt to accomplish the same end by other means1 which1 however1 in many respects1 are still more injurious in their action4 ,management of ,nurses and ,servants4 ,nurses and attendants upon children from certain nationalities in ,europe are peculiarly disposed to employ this method of governing children placed under their care4 ,one reason is that they are accustomed to this mode of management at home2 and another is that many of them are brought up under an idea1 which prevails extensively in some of those countries1 that it is right to tell falsehoods where the honest object is to accomplish a charitable or useful end4 ,accordingly1 inasmuch as the restraining of the children from wrong is a good and useful object1 they can declare the existence of giants and hobgoblins1 to carry away and devour bad girls and boys1 with an air of positiveness and seeming honesty1 and with a calm and persistent assurance1 which aids them very much in producing on the minds of the children a conviction of the truth of what they say2 while1 on the other hand1 those who1 in theory at least1 occupy the position that the direct falsifying of one's word is never justifiable1 act at a disadvantage in attempting this method4 ,for although1 in practice1 they are often inclined to make an exception to their principles in regard to truth in the case of what is said to young children1 they can not1 after all1 tell children what they know to be not true with that bold and confident air necessary to carry full conviction to the children's minds4 ,they are embarrassed by a kind of half guilty feeling1 which1 partially at least1 betrays them1 and the children do not really and fully believe what they say4 ,they can not suppose that their mother would really tell them what she knew was false1 and yet they can not help perceiving that she does not speak and look as if what she was saying was actually true4 ,monsieur and ,madame ,croquemitaine4 ,in all countries there are many1 among even the most refined and highly cultivated classes1 who are not at all embarrassed by any moral delicacy of this kind4 ,this is especially the case in those countries in ,europe1 particularly on the ,continent1 where the idea above referred to1 of the allowableness of falsehood in certain cases as a means for the attainment of a good end1 is generally entertained4 ,the ,french have two terrible bugbears1 under the names of ,monsieur and ,madame ,croquemitaine1 who are as familiar to the imaginations of ,french children as ,santa ,claus is1 in a much more agreeable way1 to the juvenile fancy at our firesides4 ,monsieur and ,madame ,croquemitaine are frightful monsters1 who come down the chimney1 or through the roof1 at night1 and carry off bad children4 ,they learn from their little fingers--which whisper in their ears when they hold them near--who the bad children are1 where they live1 and what they have done4 ,the instinctive faith of young children in their mother's truthfulness is so strong that no absurdity seems gross enough to overcome it4 ,the ,black ,man and the ,policeman4 ,there are many mothers among us who--though not quite prepared to call in the aid of ghosts1 giants1 and hobgoblins1 or of ,monsieur and ,madame ,croquemitaine1 in managing their children--still1 sometimes1 try to eke out their failing authority by threatening them with the black man1 or the policeman1 or some other less1 supernatural terror4 ,they seem to imagine that inasmuch as1 while there is no such thing in existence as a hobgoblin1 there really are policemen and prisons1 they only half tell an untruth by saying to the recalcitrant little one that a policeman is coming to carry him off to jail4 ,injurious ,effects4 ,although1 by these various modes of exciting imaginary fears1 there is no direct and outward infliction of bodily suffering1 the effect produced on the delicate organization of the brain by such excitements is violent in the extreme4 ,the paroxysms of agitation and terror which they sometimes excite1 and which are often spontaneously renewed by darkness and solitude1 and by other exciting causes1 are of the nature of temporary insanity4 ,indeed1 the extreme nervous excitability which they produce sometimes becomes a real insanity1 which1 though it may1 in many cases1 be finally outgrown1 may probably in many others lead to lasting and most deplorable results4 ,harsh ,reproofs and ,threatenings4 #c4 ,there is a third mode of treatment1 more common1 perhaps1 among us than either of the preceding1 which1 though much milder in its character than they1 we still class among the violent measures1 on account of its operation and effects4 ,it consists of stern and harsh rebukes1 denunciations of the heinousness of the sin of falsehood1 with solemn premonitions of the awful consequences of it1 in this life and in that to come1 intended to awaken feelings of alarm and distress in the mind of the child1 as a means of promoting repentance and reformation4 ,these are not violent measures1 it is true1 so far as outward physical action is concerned2 but the effects which they produce are sometimes of quite a violent nature1 in their operation on the delicate nervous and mental susceptibilities which are excited and agitated by them4 ,if the mother is successful in making the impression which such a mode of treatment is designed to produce1 the child1 especially if a girl1 is agitated and distressed4 ,her nervous system is greatly disturbed4 ,if calmed for a time1 the paroxysm is very liable to return4 ,she wakes in the night1 perhaps1 with an indefinable feeling of anxiety and terror1 and comes to her mother's bedside1 to seek1 in her presence1 and in the sense of protection which it affords1 a relief from her distress4 ,the conscientious mother1 supremely anxious to secure the best interests of her child1 may say that1 after all1 it is better that she should endure this temporary suffering than not be saved from the sin4 ,this is true4 ,but if she can be saved just as effectually without it1 it is better still4 ,the ,gentle ,method of ,treatment4 #d4 ,we now come to the gentle measures which may be adopted in a case of discipline like this4 ,they are endlessly varied in form1 but1 to illustrate the nature and operation of them1 and the spirit and temper of mind with which they should be enforced1 with a view of communicating2 to the mind of the reader some general idea of the characteristics of that gentleness of treatment which it is the object of this work to commend1 we will describe an actual case1 substantially as it really occurred1 where a child1 whom we will still call ,louisa1 told her mother a falsehood about the apple1 as already related4 ,choosing the ,right ,time4 ,her mother--though ,louisa's manner1 at the time of giving her answer1 led her to feel somewhat suspicious--did not express her suspicions1 but gave her the additional apple4 ,nor did she afterwards1 when she ascertained the facts1 say any thing on the subject4 ,the day passed away as if nothing unusual had occurred4 ,when bed-time came she undressed the child and laid her in her bed1 playing with her1 and talking with her in an amusing manner all the time1 so as to bring her into a contented and happy frame of mind1 and to establish as close a connection as possible of affection and sympathy between them4 ,then1 finally1 when the child's prayer had been said1 and she was about to be left for the night1 her mother1 sitting in a chair at the head of her little bed1 and putting her hand lovingly upon her1 said3 ,the ,story4 ,but first ,i must tell you one more little story4 ,once there was a boy1 and his name was ,ernest4 ,he was a pretty large boy1 for he was five years old4 ,louisa1 it must be recollected1 was only four4 ,he was a very pretty boy4 ,he had bright blue eyes and curling hair4 ,he was a very good boy1 too4 ,he did not like to do any thing wrong4 ,he always found that it made him feel uncomfortable and unhappy afterwards when he did any thing wrong4 ,a good many children1 especially good children1 find that it makes them feel uncomfortable and unhappy when they do wrong4 ,perhaps you do4 ,yes1 mamma1 ,i do1 said ,louisa4 ,i am glad of that1 replied her mother2 that is a good sign4 ,ernest went one day1 added the mother1 continuing her story1 with his little cousin ,anna to their uncle's1 in hopes that he would give them some apples4 ,their uncle had a beautiful garden1 and in it there was an apple-tree which bore most excellent apples4 ,they were large1 and rosy1 and mellow1 and sweet4 ,the children liked the apples from that tree very much1 and ,ernest and ,anna went that day in hopes that their uncle would give them some of them4 ,he said he would4 ,he would give them three apiece4 ,he told them to go into the garden and wait there until he came4 ,they must not take any apples off the tree1 he said1 but if they found any under the tree they might take them1 provided that there were not more than three apiece2 and when he came he would take enough off the tree1 he said1 to make up the number to three4 ,so the children went into the garden and looked under the tree4 ,they found two apples there1 and they took them up and ate them--one apiece4 ,then they sat down and began to wait for their uncle to come4 ,while they were waiting ,anna proposed that they should not tell their uncle that they had found the two apples1 and so he would give them three more1 which he would take from the tree2 whereas1 if he knew that they had already had one apiece1 then he would only give them two more4 ,ernest said that his uncle would ask them about it4 ,anna said1 ',no matter1 we can tell him that we did not find any4' ,ernest seemed to be thinking about it for a moment1 and then1 shaking his head1 said1 ',no1 ,i think we had better not tell him a lie6' ,so when he saw their uncle coming he said1 ',come1 ,anna1 let us go and tell him about it1 just how it was4 ,so they ran together to meet their uncle1 and told him that they had found two apples under the tree1 one apiece1 and had eaten them4 ,then he gave them two more apiece1 according to his promise1 and they went home feeling contented and happy4 ,they might have had one more apple apiece1 probably1 by combining together to tell a falsehood2 but in that case they would have gone home feeling guilty and unhappy4 ,the ,effect4 ,louisa's mother paused a moment1 after finishing her story1 to give ,louisa time to think about it a little4 ,i think1 she added at length1 after a suitable pause1 that it was a great deal better for them to tell the truth1 as they did4 ,i think so too1 mamma1 said ,louisa1 at the same time casting down her eyes and looking a little confused4 ,but you know1 added her mother1 speaking in a very kind and gentle tone1 that you did not tell me the truth to-day about the apple that ,bridget gave you4 ,louisa paused a moment1 looked in her mother's face1 and then1 reaching up to put her arms around her mother's neck1 she said1 ,mamma1 ,i am determined never to tell you another wrong story as long as ,i live4 ,only a ,single ,lesson1 after all4 ,now it is not at all probable that if the case had ended here1 ,louisa would have kept her promise4 ,this was one good lesson1 it is true1 but it was only one4 ,and the lesson was given by a method so gentle1 that no nervous1 cerebral1 or mental function was in any degree irritated or morbidly excited by it4 ,moreover1 no one who knows any thing of the workings of the infantile mind can doubt that the impulse in the right direction given by this conversation was not only better in character1 but was greater in amount1 than could have been effected by either of the other methods of management previously described4 ,how ,gentle ,measures operate4 ,by the gentle measures1 then1 which are to be here discussed and recommended1 are meant such as do not react in a violent and irritating manner1 in any way1 upon the extremely delicate1 and almost embryonic condition of the cerebral and nervous organization1 in which the gradual development of the mental and moral faculties are so intimately involved4 ,they do not imply any1 the least1 relaxation of the force of parental authority1 or any lowering whatever of the standards of moral obligation1 but are1 on the contrary1 the most effectual1 the surest and the safest way of establishing the one and of enforcing the other4 ,,chapter ,,iii4 ,,there ,,must ,,be ,,authority4 ,the first duty which devolves upon the mother in the training of her child is the establishment of her authority over him--that is1 the forming in him the habit of immediate1 implicit1 and unquestioning obedience to all her commands4 ,and the first step to be taken1 or1 rather1 perhaps the first essential condition required for the performance of this duty1 is the fixing of the conviction in her own mind that it is a duty4 ,unfortunately1 however1 there are not only vast numbers of mothers who do not in any degree perform this duty1 but a large proportion of them have not even a theoretical idea of the obligation of it4 ,an ,objection4 ,i wish my child to be governed by reason and reflection1 says one4 ,i wish him to see the necessity and propriety of what ,i require of him1 so that he may render a ready and willing compliance with my wishes1 instead of being obliged blindly to submit to arbitrary and despotic power4 ,she forgets that the faculties of reason and reflection1 and the power of appreciating the necessity and propriety of things1 and of bringing considerations of future1 remote1 and perhaps contingent good and evil to restrain and subdue the impetuousness of appetites and passions eager for present pleasure1 are qualities that appear late1 and are very slowly developed1 in the infantile mind2 that no real reliance whatever can be placed upon them in the early years of life2 and that1 moreover1 one of the chief and expressly intended objects of the establishment of the parental relation is to provide1 in the mature reason and reflection of the father and mother1 the means of guidance which the embryo reason and reflection of the child could not afford during the period of his immaturity4 ,the two great ,elements of ,parental ,obligation4 ,indeed1 the chief end and aim of the parental relation1 as designed by the ,author of nature1 may be considered as comprised1 it would seem1 in these two objects1 namely3 first1 the support of the child by the strength of his parents during the period necessary for the development of his strength1 and1 secondly1 his guidance and direction by their reason during the development of his reason4 ,the second of these obligations is no less imperious than the first4 ,to expect him to provide the means of his support from the resources of his own embryo strength1 would imply no greater misapprehension on the part of his father and mother than to look for the exercise of any really controlling influence over his conduct by his embryo reason4 ,the expectation in the two cases would be equally vain4 ,the only difference would be that1 in the failure which would inevitably result from the trial1 it would be in the one case the body that would suffer1 and in the other the soul4 ,the ,judgment more slowly developed than the ,strength4 ,indeed1 the necessity that the conduct of the child should be controlled by the reason of the parents is in one point of view greater1 or at least more protracted1 than that his wants should be supplied by their power2 for the development of the thinking and reasoning powers is late and slow in comparison with the advancement toward maturity of the physical powers4 ,it is considered that a boy attains1 in this country1 to a sufficient degree of strength at the age of from seven to ten years to earn his living2 but his reason is not sufficiently mature to make it safe to intrust him with the care of himself and of his affairs1 in the judgment of the law1 till he is of more than twice that age4 ,the parents can actually thus sooner look to the strength of the child for his support than they can to his reason for his guidance4 ,what ,parents have to do in ,respect to the ,reasoning ,powers of ,children4 ,to aid in the development and cultivation of the thinking and reasoning powers is doubtless a very important part of a parent's duty4 ,but to cultivate these faculties is one thing1 while to make any control which may be procured for them over the mind of the child the basis of government1 is another4 ,to explain the reasons of our commands is excellent1 if it is done in the right time and manner4 ,the wrong time is when the question of obedience is pending1 and the wrong manner is when they are offered as inducements to obey4 ,we may offer reasons for recommendations1 when we leave the child to judge of their force1 and to act according to our recommendations or not1 as his judgment shall dictate4 ,but reasons should never be given as inducements to obey a command4 ,the more completely the obedience to a command rests on the principle of simple submission to authority1 the easier and better it will be both for parent and child4 ,manner of exercising ,authority4 ,let no reader fall into the error of supposing that the mother's making her authority the basis of her government renders it necessary for her to assume a stern and severe aspect towards her children1 in her intercourse with them2 or to issue her commands in a harsh1 abrupt1 and imperious manner2 or always to refrain from explaining1 at the time1 the reasons for a command or a prohibition4 ,the more gentle the manner1 and the more kind and courteous the tones in which the mother's wishes are expressed1 the better1 provided only that the wishes1 however expressed1 are really the mandates of an authority which is to be yielded to at once without question or delay4 ,she may say1 ,mary1 will you please to leave your doll and take this letter for me into the library to your father8 or1 ,johnny1 in five minutes it will be time for you to put your blocks away to go to bed2 ,i will tell you when the time is out2 or1 ,james1 look at the clock--to call his attention to the fact that the time is arrived for him to go to school4 ,no matter1 in a word1 under how mild and gentle a form the mother's commands are given1 provided only that the children are trained to understand that they are at once to be obeyed4 ,a second ,objection4 ,another large class of mothers are deterred from making any efficient effort to establish their authority over their children for fear of thereby alienating their affections4 ,i wish my child to love me1 says a mother of this class4 ,that is the supreme and never-ceasing wish of my heart2 and if ,i am continually thwarting and constraining her by my authority1 she will soon learn to consider me an obstacle to her happiness1 and ,i shall become an object of her aversion and dislike4 ,there is some truth1 no doubt1 in this statement thus expressed1 but it is not applicable to the case1 for the reason that there is no need whatever for a mother's continually thwarting and constraining her children in her efforts to establish her authority over them4 ,the love which they will feel for her will depend in a great measure upon the degree in which she sympathizes and takes part with them in their occupations1 their enjoyments1 their disappointments1 and their sorrows1 and in which she indulges their child-like desires4 ,the love1 however1 awakened by these means will be not weakened nor endangered1 but immensely strengthened and confirmed1 by the exercise on her part of a just and equable1 but firm and absolute1 authority4 ,this must always be true so long as a feeling of respect for the object of affection tends to strengthen1 and not to weaken1 the sentiment of love4 ,the mother who does not govern her children is bringing them up not to love her1 but to despise her4 ,effect of ,authority4 ,if1 besides being their playmate1 their companion1 and friend1 indulgent in respect to all their harmless fancies1 and patient and forbearing with their childish faults and foolishness1 she also exercises in cases requiring it an authority over them which1 though just and gentle1 is yet absolute and supreme1 she rises to a very exalted position in their view4 ,their affection for her has infused into it an element which greatly aggrandizes and ennobles it--an element somewhat analogous to that sentiment of lofty devotion which a loyal subject feels for his queen4 ,effect of the ,want of ,authority4 ,on the other hand1 if she is inconsiderate enough to attempt to win a place in her children's hearts by the sacrifice of her maternal authority1 she will never succeed in securing a place there that is worth possessing4 ,the children will all1 girls and boys alike1 see and understand her weakness1 and they will soon learn to look down upon her1 instead of looking up to her1 as they ought4 ,as they grow older they will all become more and more unmanageable4 ,the insubordination of the girls must generally be endured1 but that of the boys will in time grow to be intolerable1 and it will become necessary to send them away to school1 or to adopt some other plan for ridding the house of their turbulence1 and relieving the poor mother's heart of the insupportable burden she has to bear in finding herself contemned and trampled upon by her own children4 ,in the earlier years of life the feeling entertained for their mother in such a case by the children is simply that of contempt2 for the sentiment of gratitude which will modify it in time is very late to be developed1 and has not yet begun to act4 ,in later years1 however1 when the boys have become young men1 this sentiment of gratitude begins to come in1 but it only changes the contempt into pity4 ,and when years have passed away1 and the mother is perhaps in her grave1 her sons think of her with a mingled feeling excited by the conjoined remembrance of her helpless imbecility and of her true maternal love1 and say to each other1 with a smile1 ,poor dear mother6 what a time she had of it trying to govern us boys6 ,if a mother is willing to have her children thus regard her with contempt pure and simple while they are children1 and with contempt transformed into pity by the infusion of a tardy sentiment of gratitude1 when they are grown1 she may try the plan of endeavoring to secure their love by indulging them without governing them4 ,but if she sets her heart on being the object through life of their respectful love1 she may indulge them as much as she pleases2 but she must govern them4 ,indulgence4 ,a great deal is said sometimes about the evils of indulgence in the management of children2 and so far as the condemnation refers only to indulgence in what is injurious or evil1 it is doubtless very just4 ,but the harm is not in the indulgence itself--that is1 in the act of affording gratification to the child--but in the injurious or dangerous nature of the things indulged in4 ,it seems to me that children are not generally indulged enough4 ,they are thwarted and restrained in respect to the gratification of their harmless wishes a great deal too much4 ,indeed1 as a general rule1 the more that children are gratified in respect to their childish fancies and impulses1 and even their caprices1 when no evil or danger is to be apprehended1 the better4 ,when1 therefore1 a child asks1 ,may ,i do this8 or1 ,may ,i do that8 the question for the mother to consider is not whether the thing proposed is a wise or a foolish thing to do--that is1 whether it would be wise or foolish for her1 if she1 with her ideas and feelings1 were in the place of the child--but only whether there is any harm or danger in it2 and if not1 she should give her ready and cordial consent4 ,antagonism between ,free ,indulgence and ,absolute ,control4 ,there is no necessary antagonism1 nor even any inconsistency1 between the freest indulgence of children and the maintenance of the most absolute authority over them4 ,indeed1 the authority can be most easily established in connection with great liberality of indulgence4 ,at any rate1 it will be very evident1 on reflection1 that the two principles do not stand at all in opposition to each other1 as is often vaguely supposed4 ,children may be greatly indulged1 and yet perfectly governed4 ,on the other hand1 they may be continually checked and thwarted1 and their lives made miserable by a continued succession of vexations1 restrictions1 and refusals1 and yet not be governed at all4 ,an example will1 however1 best illustrate this4 ,mode of ,management with ,louisa4 ,a mother1 going to the village by a path across the fields1 proposed to her little daughter ,louisa to go with her for a walk4 ,louisa asked if she might invite her ,cousin ,mary to go too4 ,yes1 said her mother2 ,i think she is not at home2 but you can go and see1 if you like4 ,louisa went to see1 and returned in a few minutes1 saying that ,mary was not at home4 ,never mind1 replied her mother2 it was polite in you to wish to invite her4 ,they set out upon the walk4 ,louisa runs hither and thither over the grass1 returning continually to her mother to bring her flowers and curiosities4 ,her mother looks at them all1 seems to approve of1 and to sympathize in1 ,louisa's wonder and delight1 and even points out new charms in the objects which she brings to her1 that ,louisa had not observed4 ,at length ,louisa spied a butterfly4 ,mother1 said she1 here's a butterfly4 ,may ,i run and catch him8 ,you may try1 said her mother4 ,louisa ran till she was tired1 and then came back to her mother1 looking a little disappointed4 ,i could not catch him1 mother4 ,never mind1 said her mother1 you had a good time trying1 at any rate4 ,perhaps you will see another by-and-by4 ,you may possibly see a bird1 and you can try and see if you can catch him4 ,so ,louisa ran off to play again1 satisfied and happy4 ,a little farther on a pretty tree was growing1 not far from the path on one side4 ,a short1 half-decayed log lay at the foot of the tree1 overtopped and nearly concealed by a growth of raspberry-bushes1 grass1 and wild flowers4 ,louisa1 said the mother1 do you see that tree with the pretty flowers at the foot of it8 ,yes1 mother4 ,i would rather not have you go near that tree4 ,come over to this side of the path1 and keep on this side till you get by4 ,louisa began immediately to obey1 but as she was crossing the path she looked up to her mother and asked why she must not go near the tree4 ,i am glad you would like to know why1 replied her mother1 and ,i will tell you the reason as soon as we get past4 ,louisa kept on the other side of the path until the tree was left well behind1 and then came back to her mother to ask for the promised reason4 ,it was because ,i heard that there was a wasp's nest under that tree1 said her mother4 ,a wasp's nest6 repeated ,louisa1 with a look of alarm4 ,yes1 rejoined her mother1 and ,i was afraid that the wasps might sting you4 ,louisa paused a moment1 and then1 looking back towards the tree1 said1 ,i am glad ,i did not go near it4 ,and ,i am glad that you obeyed me so readily1 said her mother4 ,i knew you would obey me at once1 without my giving any reason4 ,i did not wish to tell you the reason1 for fear of frightening you while you were passing by the tree4 ,but ,i knew that you would obey me without any reason4 ,you always do1 and that is why ,i always like to have you go with me when ,i take a walk4 ,illustration3 ,,indulgence4 ,louisa is much gratified by this commendation1 and the effect of it1 and of the whole incident1 in confirming and strengthening the principle of obedience in her heart1 is very much greater than rebukes or punishments for any overt act of disobedience could possibly be4 ,but1 mother1 asked ,louisa1 how did you know that there was a wasp's nest under that tree8 ,one of the boys told me so1 replied her mother4 ,and do you really think there is one there8 asked ,louisa4 ,no1 replied her mother1 ,i do not really think there is4 ,boys are very apt to imagine such things4 ,then why would you not let me go there8 asked ,louisa4 ,because there might be one there1 and so ,i thought it safer for you not to go near4 ,louisa now left her mother's side and resumed her excursions1 running this way and that1 in every direction1 over the fields1 until at length1 her strength beginning to fail1 she came back to her mother1 out of breath1 and with a languid air1 saying that she was too tired to go any farther4 ,i am tired1 too1 said her mother2 we had better find a place to sit down to rest4 ,where shall we find one8 asked ,louisa4 ,i see a large stone out there before us a little way1 said her mother4 ,how will that do8 ,i mean to go and try it1 said ,louisa2 and1 having seemingly recovered her breath1 she ran forward to try the stone4 ,by the time that her mother reached the spot she was ready to go on4 ,these and similar incidents marked the whole progress of the walk4 ,we see that in such a case as this firm government and free indulgence are conjoined2 and that1 far from there being any antagonism between them1 they may work together in perfect harmony4 ,mode of ,management with ,hannah4 ,on the other hand1 there may be an extreme limitation in respect to a mother's indulgence of her children1 while yet she has no government over them at all4 ,we shall see how this might be by the case of little ,hannah4 ,hannah was asked by her mother to go with her across the fields to the village under circumstances similar to those of ,louisa's invitation1 except that the real motive of ,hannah's mother1 in proposing that ,hannah should accompany her1 was to have the child's help in bringing home her parcels4 ,yes1 mother1 said ,hannah1 in reply to her mother's invitation1 ,i should like to go2 and ,i will go and ask ,cousin ,sarah to go too4 ,oh no1 rejoined her mother1 why do you wish ,sarah to go8 ,she will only be a trouble to us4 ,she won't be any trouble at all1 mother1 and ,i mean to go and ask her1 said ,hannah2 and1 putting on her bonnet1 she set off towards the gate4 ,no1 ,hannah1 insisted her mother1 you must not go4 ,i don't wish to have ,sarah go with us to-day4 ,hannah paid no attention to this prohibition1 but ran off to find ,sarah4 ,after a few minutes she returned1 saying that ,sarah was not at home4 ,i am glad of it1 said her mother2 ,i told you not to go to ask her1 and you did very wrong to disobey me4 ,i have a great mind not to let you go yourself4 ,hannah ran off in the direction of the path1 not caring for the censure or for the threat1 knowing well that they would result in nothing4 ,her mother followed4 ,when they reached the pastures ,hannah began running here and there over the grass4 ,hannah6 said her mother1 speaking in a stern and reproachful tone2 what do you keep running about so for all the time1 ,hannah8 ,you'll get tired out before we get to the village1 and then you'll be teasing me to let you stop and rest4 ,come and walk along quietly with me4 ,but ,hannah paid no attention whatever to this injunction4 ,she ran to and fro among the rocks and clumps of bushes1 and once or twice she brought to her mother flowers or other curious things that she found4 ,those things are not good for any thing1 child1 said her mother4 ,they are nothing but common weeds and trash4 ,besides1 ,i told you not to run about so much4 ,why can't you come and walk quietly along the path1 like a sensible person8 ,hannah paid no attention to this reiteration of her mother's command1 but continued to run about as before4 ,hannah1 repeated her mother1 come back into the path4 ,i have told you again and again that you must come and walk with me1 and you don't pay the least heed to what ,i say4 ,by-and-by you will fall into some hole1 or tear your clothes against the bushes1 or get pricked with the briers4 ,you must not1 at any rate1 go a step farther from the path than you are now4 ,hannah walked on1 looking for flowers and curiosities1 and receding farther and farther from the path1 for a time1 and then returning towards it again1 according to her own fancy or caprice1 without paying any regard to her mother's directions4 ,hannah1 said her mother1 you must not go so far away from the path4 ,then1 besides1 you are coming to a tree where there is a wasps' nest4 ,you must not go near that tree2 if you do1 you will get stung4 ,hannah went on1 looking for flowers1 and gradually drawing nearer to the tree4 ,hannah6 exclaimed her mother1 ,i tell you that you must not go near that tree4 ,you will certainly get stung4 ,hannah went on--somewhat hesitatingly and cautiously1 it is true--towards the foot of the tree1 and1 seeing no signs of wasps there1 she began gathering the flowers that grew at the foot of it4 ,hannah6 ,hannah6 exclaimed her mother2 ,i told you not to go near that tree6 ,get your flowers quick1 if you must get them1 and come away4 ,hannah went on gathering the flowers at her leisure4 ,you will certainly get stung1 said her mother4 ,i don't believe there is any hornets' nest here1 replied ,hannah4 ,wasps' nest1 said her mother2 it was a wasps' nest4 ,or wasps' nest either1 said ,hannah4 ,yes1 rejoined her mother1 the boys said there was4 ,that's nothing1 said ,hannah2 the boys think there are wasps' nests in a great many places where there are not any4 ,after a time ,hannah1 having gathered all the flowers she wished for1 came back at her leisure towards her mother4 ,i told you not to go to that tree1 said her mother1 reproachfully4 ,you told me ,i should certainly get stung if ,i went there1 rejoined ,hannah1 and ,i didn't4 ,well1 you might have got stung1 said her mother1 and so walked on4 ,pretty soon after this ,hannah said that she was tired of walking so far1 and wished to stop and rest4 ,no1 replied her mother1 ,i told you that you would get tired if you ran about so much2 but you would do it1 and so now ,i shall not stop for you at all4 ,hannah said that she should stop1 at any rate2 so she sat down upon a log by the way-side4 ,her mother said that she should go on and leave her4 ,so her mother walked on1 looking back now and then1 and calling ,hannah to come4 ,but finding that ,hannah did not come1 she finally found a place to sit down herself and wait for her4 ,the ,principle illustrated by this ,case4 ,many a mother will see the image of her own management of her children reflected without exaggeration or distortion in this glass2 and1 as the former story shows how the freest indulgence is compatible with the maintenance of the most absolute authority1 this enables us to see how a perpetual resistance to the impulses and desires of children may co-exist with no government over them at all4 ,let no mother fear1 then1 that the measures necessary to establish for her the most absolute authority over her children will at all curtail her power to promote their happiness4 ,the maintenance of the best possible government over them will not in any way prevent her yielding to them all the harmless gratifications they may desire4 ,she may indulge them in all their childish impulses1 fancies1 and even caprices1 to their heart's content1 without at all weakening her authority over them4 ,indeed1 she may make these very indulgences the means of strengthening her authority4 ,but without the authority she can never develop in the hearts of her children the only kind of love that is worth possessing--namely1 that in which the feeling of affection is dignified and ennobled by the sentiment of respect4 ,one more ,consideration4 ,there is one consideration which1 if properly appreciated1 would have an overpowering influence on the mind of every mother in inducing her to establish and maintain a firm authority over her child during the early years of his life1 and that is the possibility that he may not live to reach maturity4 ,should the terrible calamity befall her of being compelled to follow her boy1 yet young1 to his grave1 the character of her grief1 and the degree of distress and anguish which it will occasion her1 will depend very much upon the memories which his life and his relations to her have left in her soul4 ,when she returns to her home1 bowed down by the terrible burden of her bereavement1 and wanders over the now desolated rooms which were the scenes of his infantile occupations and joys1 and sees the now useless playthings and books1 and the various objects of curiosity and interest with which he was so often and so busily engaged1 there can1 of course1 be nothing which can really assuage her overwhelming grief2 but it will make a vital difference in the character of this grief1 whether the image of her boy1 as it takes its fixed and final position in her memory and in her heart1 is associated with recollections of docility1 respectful regard for his mother's wishes1 and of ready and unquestioning submission to her authority and obedience to her commands2 or whether1 on the other hand1 the picture of his past life1 which is to remain forever in her heart1 is to be distorted and marred by memories of outbreaks1 acts of ungovernable impulse and insubordination1 habitual disregard of all authority1 and disrespectful1 if not contemptuous1 treatment of his mother4 ,there is a sweetness as well as a bitterness of grief2 and something like a feeling of joy and gladness will spring up in the mother's heart1 and mingle with and soothe her sorrow1 if she can think of her boy1 when he is gone1 as always docile1 tractable1 submissive to her authority1 and obedient to her commands4 ,such recollections1 it is true1 can not avail to remove her grief--perhaps not even to diminish its intensity2 but they will greatly assuage the bitterness of it1 and wholly take away its sting4 ,,chapter ,,iv4 ,,gentle ,,punishment ,,of ,,disobedience4 ,children have no natural instinct of obedience to their parents1 though they have other instincts by means of which the habit of obedience1 as an acquisition1 can easily be formed4 ,the true state of the case is well illustrated by what we observe among the lower animals4 ,the hen can call her chickens when she has food for them1 or when any danger threatens1 and they come to her4 ,they come1 however1 simply under the impulse of a desire for food or fear of danger1 not from any instinctive desire to conform their action to their mother's will2 or1 in other words1 with no idea of submission to parental authority4 ,it is so1 substantially1 with many other animals whose habits in respect to the relation between parents and offspring come under human observation4 ,the colt and the calf follow and keep near the mother1 not from any instinct of desire to conform their conduct to her will1 but solely from love of food1 or fear of danger4 ,these last are strictly instinctive4 ,they act spontaneously1 and require no training of any sort to establish or to maintain them4 ,the case is substantially the same with children4 ,they run to their mother by instinct1 when want1 fear1 or pain impels them4 ,they require no teaching or training for this4 ,but for them to come simply because their mother wishes them to come--to be controlled1 in other words1 by her will1 instead of by their own impulses1 is a different thing altogether4 ,they have no instinct for that4 ,they have only a capacity for its development4 ,instincts and ,capacities4 ,it may1 perhaps1 be maintained that there is no real difference between instincts and capacities1 and it certainly is possible that they may pass into each other by insensible gradations4 ,still1 practically1 and in reference to our treatment of any intelligent nature which is in course of gradual development under our influence1 the difference is wide4 ,the dog has an instinct impelling him to attach himself to and follow his master2 but he has no instinct leading him to draw his master's cart4 ,he requires no teaching for the one4 ,it comes1 of course1 from the connate impulses of his nature4 ,for the other he requires a skillful and careful training4 ,if we find a dog who evinces no disposition to seek the society of man1 but roams off into woods and solitudes alone1 he is useless1 and we attribute the fault to his own wolfish nature4 ,but if he will not fetch and carry at command1 or bring home a basket in his mouth from market1 the fault1 if there be any fault1 is in his master1 in not having taken the proper time and pains to train him1 or in not knowing how to do it4 ,he has an instinct leading him to attach himself to a human master1 and to follow his master wherever he goes4 ,but he has no instinct leading him to fetch and carry1 or to draw carts for any body4 ,if he shows no affection for man1 it is his own fault--that is1 the fault of his nature4 ,but if he does not fetch and carry well1 or go out of the room when he is ordered out1 or draw steadily in a cart1 it is his teacher's fault4 ,he has not been properly trained4 ,who is ,responsible8 ,so with the child4 ,if he does not seem to know how to take his food1 or shows no disposition to run to his mother when he is hurt or when he is frightened1 we have reason to suspect something wrong1 or1 at least1 something abnormal1 in his mental or physical constitution4 ,but if he does not obey his mother's commands--no matter how insubordinate or unmanageable he may be--the fault does not1 certainly1 indicate any thing at all wrong in him4 ,the fault is in his training4 ,in witnessing his disobedience1 our reflection should be1 not ,what a bad boy6 but ,what an unfaithful or incompetent mother6 ,i have dwelt the longer on this point because it is fundamental ,as long as a mother imagines1 as so many mothers seem to do1 that obedience on the part of the child is1 or ought to be1 a matter of course1 she will never properly undertake the work of training him4 ,but when she thoroughly understands and feels that her children are not to be expected to submit their will to hers1 except so far as she forms in them the habit of doing this by special training1 the battle is half won4 ,actual ,instincts of ,children4 ,the natural instinct which impels her children to come at once to her for refuge and protection in all their troubles and fears1 is a great source of happiness to every mother4 ,this instinct shows itself in a thousand ways4 ,a mother1 one morning--,i quote the anecdote from a newspaper,b which came to hand while ,i was writing this chapter--gave her two little ones books and toys to amuse them1 while she went to attend to some work in an upper room4 ,half an hour passed quietly1 and then a timid voice at the foot of the stairs called out3 ',mamma1 are you there8' ',yes1 darling4' ',all right1 then6' and the child went back to its play4 ,by-and-by the little voice was heard again1 repeating1 ',mamma1 are you there8' ',yes4' ',all right1 then2' and the little ones returned again1 satisfied and reassured1 to their toys4 ,the sense of their mother's presence1 or at least the certainty of her being near at hand1 was necessary to their security and contentment in their plays4 ,but this feeling was not the result of any teachings that they had received from their mother1 or upon her having inculcated upon their minds in any way the necessity of their keeping always within reach of maternal protection2 nor had it been acquired by their own observation or experience of dangers or difficulties which had befallen them when too far away4 ,it was a native instinct of the soul--the same that leads the lamb and the calf to keep close to their mother's side1 and causes the unweaned babe to cling to its mother's bosom1 and to shrink from being put away into the crib or cradle alone4 ,the ,responsibility rests upon the ,mother4 ,the mother is thus to understand that the principle of obedience is not to be expected to come by nature into the heart of her child1 but to be implanted by education4 ,she must understand this so fully as to feel that if she finds that her children are disobedient to her commands--leaving out of view cases of peculiar and extraordinary temptation--it is her fault1 not theirs4 ,perhaps ,i ought not to say her fault exactly1 for she may have done as well as she knows how2 but1 at any rate1 her failure4 ,instead1 therefore1 of being angry with them1 or fretting and complaining about the trouble they give her1 she should leave them1 as it were1 out of the case1 and turn her thoughts to herself1 and to her own management1 with a view to the discovery and the correcting of her own derelictions and errors4 ,in a word1 she must set regularly and systematically about the work of teaching her children to subject their will to hers4 ,three ,methods4 ,i shall give three principles of management1 or rather three different classes of measures1 by means of which children may certainly be made obedient4 ,the most perfect success will be attained by employing them all4 ,but they require very different degrees of skill and tact on the part of the mother4 ,the first requires very little skill4 ,it demands only steadiness1 calmness1 and perseverance4 ,the second draws much more upon the mother's mental resources1 and the last1 most of all4 ,indeed1 as will presently be seen1 there is no limit to the amount of tact and ingenuity1 not to say genius1 which may be advantageously exercised in the last method4 ,the first is the most essential2 and it will alone1 if faithfully carried out1 accomplish the end4 ,the second1 if the mother has the tact and skill to carry it into effect1 will aid very much in accomplishing the result1 and in a manner altogether more agreeable to both parties4 ,the third will make the work of forming the habit of obedience on the part of the mother1 and of acquiring it on the part of the child1 a source of the highest enjoyment to both4 ,but then1 unfortunately1 it requires more skill and dexterity1 more gentleness of touch1 so to speak1 and a more delicate constitution of soul1 than most mothers can be expected to possess4 ,but let us see what the three methods are4 ,first ,method4 #a4 ,the first principle is that the mother should so regulate her management of her child1 that he should never gain any desired end by any act of insubmission1 but always incur some small trouble1 inconvenience1 or privation1 by disobeying or neglecting to obey his mother's command4 ,the important words in this statement of the principle are never and always4 ,it is the absolute certainty that disobedience will hurt him1 and not help him1 in which the whole efficacy of the rule consists4 ,it is very surprising how small a punishment will prove efficacious if it is only certain to follow the transgression4 ,you may set apart a certain place for a prison--a corner of the sofa1 a certain ottoman1 a chair1 a stool1 any thing will answer2 and the more entirely every thing like an air of displeasure or severity is excluded1 in the manner of making the preliminary arrangements1 the better4 ,a mother without any tact1 or any proper understanding of the way in which the hearts and minds of young children are influenced1 will begin1 very likely1 with a scolding4 ,children1 you are getting very disobedient4 ,i have to speak three or four times before you move to do what ,i say4 ,now1 ,i am going to have a prison4 ,the prison is to be that dark closet1 and ,i am going to shut you up in it for half an hour every time you disobey4 ,now1 remember6 ,the very next time6 ,empty ,threatening4 ,mothers who govern by threatening seldom do any thing but threaten4 ,accordingly1 the first time the children disobey her1 after such an announcement1 she says nothing1 if the case happens to be one in which the disobedience occasions her no particular trouble4 ,the next time1 when the transgression is a little more serious1 she thinks1 very rightly perhaps1 that to be shut up half an hour in a dark closet would be a disproportionate punishment4 ,then1 when at length some very willful and grave act of insubordination occurs1 she happens to be in particularly good-humor1 for some reason1 and has not the heart to shut the poor thing in the closet2 or1 perhaps1 there is company present1 and she does not wish to make a scene4 ,so the penalty announced with so much emphasis turns out to be a dead letter1 as the children knew it would from the beginning4 ,how ,discipline may be both ,gentle and ,efficient4 ,with a little dexterity and tact on the mother's part1 the case may be managed very differently1 and with a very different result4 ,let us suppose that some day1 while she is engaged with her sewing or her other household duties1 and her children are playing around her1 she tells them that in some great schools in ,europe1 when the boys are disobedient1 or violate the rules1 they are shut up for punishment in a kind of prison2 and perhaps she entertains them with invented examples of boys that would not go to prison1 and had to be taken there by force1 and kept there longer on account of their contumacy2 and also of other noble boys1 tall and handsome1 and the best players on the grounds1 who went readily when they had done wrong and were ordered into confinement1 and bore their punishment like men1 and who were accordingly set free all the sooner on that account4 ,then she proposes to them the idea of adopting that plan herself1 and asks them to look all about the room and find a good seat which they can have for their prison--one end of the sofa1 perhaps1 a stool in a corner1 or a box used as a house for a kitten4 ,i once knew an instance where a step before a door leading to a staircase served as penitentiary1 and sitting upon it for a minute or less was the severest punishment required to maintain most perfect discipline in a family of young children for a long time4 ,when any one of the children violated any rule or direction which had been enjoined upon them--as1 for example1 when they left the door open in coming in or going out1 in the winter2 or interrupted their mother when she was reading1 instead of standing quietly by her side and waiting until she looked up from her book and gave them leave to speak to her2 or used any violence towards each other1 by pushing1 or pulling1 or struggling for a plaything or a place2 or did not come promptly to her when called2 or did not obey at once the first command in any case1 the mother would say simply1 ,mary6 or ,james6 ,prison6 ,she would pronounce this sentence without any appearance of displeasure1 and often with a smile1 as if they were only playing prison1 and then1 in a very few minutes after they had taken the penitential seat1 she would say ,free6 which word set them at liberty again4 ,must begin at the ,beginning4 ,i have no doubt that some mothers1 in reading this1 will say that such management as this is mere trifling and play2 and that real and actual children1 with all their natural turbulence1 insubordination1 and obstinacy1 can never be really governed by any such means4 ,i answer that whether it proves on trial to be merely trifling and play or not depends upon the firmness1 steadiness1 and decision with which the mother carries it into execution4 ,every method of management requires firmness1 perseverance1 and decision on the part of the mother to make it successful1 but1 with these qualities duly exercised1 it is astonishing what slight and gentle penalties will suffice for the most complete establishment of her authority4 ,i knew a mother whose children were trained to habits of almost perfect obedience1 and whose only method of punishment1 so far as ,i know1 was to require the offender to stand on one foot and count five1 ten1 or twenty1 according to the nature and aggravation of the offense4 ,such a mother1 of course1 begins early with her children4 ,she trains them from their earliest years to this constant subjection of their will to hers4 ,such penalties1 moreover1 owe their efficiency not to the degree of pain or inconvenience that they impose upon the offender1 but mainly upon their calling his attention1 distinctly1 after every offense1 to the fact that he has done wrong4 ,slight as this is1 it will prove to be sufficient if it always comes--if no case of disobedience or of willful wrong-doing of any kind is allowed to pass unnoticed1 or is not followed by the infliction of the proper penalty4 ,it is in all cases the certainty1 and not the severity1 of punishment which constitutes its power4 ,suppose one is not at the ,beginning4 ,what has been said thus far relates obviously to cases where the mother is at the commencement of her work of training4 ,this is the way to begin2 but you can not begin unless you are at the beginning4 ,if your children are partly grown1 and you find that they are not under your command1 the difficulty is much greater4 ,the principles which should govern the management are the same1 but they can not be applied by means so gentle4 ,the prison1 it may be1 must now be somewhat more real1 the terms of imprisonment somewhat longer1 and there may be cases of insubordination so decided as to require the offender to be carried to it by force1 on account of his refusal to go of his own accord1 and perhaps to be held there1 or even to be tied4 ,cases requiring treatment so decisive as this must be very rare with children under ten years of age2 and when they occur1 the mother has reason to feel great self-condemnation--or at least great self-abasement--at finding that she has failed so entirely in the first great moral duty of the mother1 which is to train her children to complete submission to her authority from the beginning4 ,children coming under ,new ,control4 ,sometimes1 however1 it happens that children are transferred from one charge to another1 so that the one upon whom the duty of government devolves1 perhaps only for a time1 finds that the child or children put under his or her charge have been trained by previous mismanagement to habits of utter insubordination4 ,i say1 trained to such habits1 for the practice of allowing children to gain their ends by any particular means is really training them to the use of those means4 ,thus multitudes of children are taught to disobey1 and trained to habits of insubmission and insubordination1 by the means most effectually adapted to that end4 ,difficulties4 ,when under these circumstances the children come under a new charge1 whether permanently or temporarily1 the task of re-form in or their characters is more delicate and difficult than where one can begin at the beginning2 but the principles are the same1 and the success is equally certain4 ,the difficulty is somewhat increased by the fact that the person thus provisionally in charge has often no natural authority over the child1 and the circumstances may moreover be such as to make it necessary to abstain carefully from any measures that would lead to difficulty or collision1 to cries1 complaints to the mother1 or any of those other forms of commotion or annoyance1 which ungoverned children know so well how to employ in gaining their ends4 ,the mother may be one of those weak-minded women who can never see any thing unreasonable in the crying complaints made by their children against other people4 ,or she may be sick1 and it may be very important to avoid every thing that could agitate or disturb her4 ,george and ,egbert4 ,this last was the case of ,george1 a young man of seventeen1 who came to spend some time at home after an absence of two years in the city4 ,he found his mother sick1 and his little brother1 ,egbert1 utterly insubordinate and unmanageable4 ,the first thing ,i have to do1 said ,george to himself1 when he observed how things were1 is to get command of ,egbert2 and as the first lesson which he gave his little brother illustrates well the principle of gentle but efficient punishment1 ,i will give it here4 ,egbert was ten years of age4 ,he was very fond of going a-fishing1 but he was not allowed to go alone4 ,his mother1 very weak and vacillating about some things1 was extremely decided about this4 ,so ,egbert had learned to submit to this restriction1 as he would have done to all others if his mother had been equally decided in respect to all4 ,the first thing that ,egbert thought of the next morning after his brother's return was that ,george might go a-fishing with him4 ,i don't know1 replied ,george1 in a hesitating and doubtful tone4 ,i don't know whether it will do for me to go a-fishing with you4 ,i don't know whether ,i can depend upon your always obeying me and doing as ,i say4 ,egbert made very positive promises1 and so it was decided to go4 ,george took great interest in helping ,egbert about his fishing-tackle1 and did all in his power in other ways to establish friendly relations with him1 and at length they set out4 ,they walked a little distance down what was in the winter a wood road1 and then came to a place where two paths led into a wood4 ,either of them led to the river4 ,but there was a brook to cross1 and for one of these paths there was a bridge4 ,there was none for the other4 ,george said that they would take the former4 ,egbert1 however1 paid no regard to this direction1 but saying simply ,no1 ,i'd rather go this way1 walked off in the other path4 ,i was afraid you would not obey me1 said ,george1 and then turned and followed ,egbert into the forbidden path1 without making any further objection4 ,egbert concluded at once that he should find ,george as easily to be managed as he had found other people4 ,the ,disobedience4 ,when they came in sight of the brook1 ,george saw that there was a narrow log across it1 in guise of a bridge4 ,he called out to ,egbert1 who had gone on before him1 not to go over the log until he came4 ,but ,egbert called back in reply that there was no danger1 that he could go across alone1 and so went boldly over4 ,george1 on arriving at the brook1 and finding that the log was firm and strong1 followed ,egbert over it4 ,i told you ,i could go across it1 said ,egbert4 ,yes1 replied ,george1 and you were right in that4 ,you did cross it4 ,the log is very steady4 ,i think it makes quite a good bridge4 ,egbert said he could hop across it on one foot1 and ,george gave him leave to try1 while he1 ,george1 held his fishing-pole for him4 ,george followed him over the log1 and then told him that he was very sorry to say it1 but that he found that they could not go a-fishing that day4 ,egbert wished to know the reason4 ,george said it was a private reason and he could not tell him then1 but that he would tell him that evening after he had gone to bed4 ,there was a story about it1 too1 he said1 that he would tell him at the same time4 ,egbert was curious to know what the reason could be for changing the plan1 and also to hear the story4 ,still he was extremely disappointed in having to lose his fishing1 and very much disposed to be angry with ,george for not going on4 ,it was1 however1 difficult to get very angry without knowing ,george's reason1 and ,george1 though he said that the reason was a good one--that it was a serious difficulty in the way of going a-fishing that day1 which had only come to his knowledge since they left home1 steadily persisted in declining to explain what the difficulty was until the evening1 and began slowly to walk back toward the house4 ,egbert becomes ,sullen4 ,egbert then declared that1 at any rate1 he would not go home4 ,if he could not go a-fishing he would stay there in the woods4 ,george readily fell in with this idea4 ,here is a nice place for me to sit down on this flat rock under the trees1 said he1 and ,i have got a book in my pocket4 ,you can play about in the woods as long as you please4 ,perhaps you will see a squirrel2 if you do1 tell me1 and ,i will come and help you catch him4 ,so saying1 he took out his book and sat down under the trees and began to read4 ,egbert1 after loitering about sullenly a few minutes1 began to walk up the path1 and said that he was going home4 ,george1 however1 soon succeeded in putting him in good-humor again by talking with him in a friendly manner1 and without manifesting any signs of displeasure1 and also by playing with him on the way4 ,he took care to keep on friendly terms with him all the afternoon1 aiding him in his various undertakings1 and contributing to his amusement in every way as much as he could1 while he made no complaint1 and expressed no dissatisfaction with him in any way whatever4 ,final ,disposition of the ,case4 ,after ,egbert had gone to bed1 and before he went to sleep1 ,george made him a visit at his bedside1 and1 after a little playful frolic with him1 to put him in special good-humor1 said he would make his explanation4 ,the reason why ,i had to give up the fishing expedition1 he said1 was1 ,i found that ,i could not depend upon your obeying me4 ,egbert1 after a moment's pause1 said that he did not disobey him2 and when ,george reminded him of his taking the path that he was forbidden to take1 and of his crossing the log bridge against orders1 he said that that path led to the river by the shortest way1 and that he knew that the log was firm and steady1 and that he could go over it without falling in4 ,and so you thought you had good reasons for disobeying me1 rejoined ,george4 ,yes1 said ,egbert1 triumphantly4 ,that is just it1 said ,george4 ,you are willing to obey1 except when you think you have good reasons for disobeying1 and then you disobey4 ,that's the way a great many boys do1 and that reminds me of the story ,i was going to tell you4 ,it is about some soldiers4 ,george then told ,egbert a long story about a colonel who sent a captain with a company of men on a secret expedition with specific orders1 and the captain disobeyed the orders and crossed a stream with his force1 when he had been directed to remain on the hither side of it1 thinking himself that it would be better to cross1 and in consequence of it he and all his force were captured by the enemy1 who were lying in ambush near by1 as the colonel knew1 though the captain did not know it4 ,george concluded his story with some very forcible remarks1 showing1 in a manner adapted to ,egbert's state of mental development1 how essential it was to the character of a good soldier that he should obey implicitly all the commands of his superior1 without ever presuming to disregard them on the ground of his seeing good reason for doing so4 ,he then went on to relate another story of an officer on whom the general could rely for implicit and unhesitating obedience to all his commands1 and who was sent on an important expedition with orders1 the reasons for which he did not understand1 but all of which he promptly obeyed1 and thus brought the expedition to a successful conclusion4 ,he made the story interesting to ,egbert by narrating many details of a character adapted to ,egbert's comprehension1 and at the end drew a moral from it for his instruction4 ,the ,moral4 ,this moral was not1 as some readers might perhaps anticipate1 and as1 indeed1 many persons of less tact might have made it1 that ,egbert ought himself1 as a boy1 to obey those in authority over him4 ,instead of this he closed by saying3 ,and ,i advise you1 if you grow up to be a man and ever become the general of an army1 never to trust any captain or colonel with the charge of an important enterprise1 unless they are men that know how to obey4 ,egbert answered very gravely that he was determined that he wouldn't4 ,soon after this ,george bade him good-night and went away4 ,the next day he told ,egbert not to be discouraged at his not having yet learned to obey4 ,there are a great many boys older than you1 he said1 who have not learned this lesson2 but you will learn in time4 ,i can't go a-fishing with you1 or undertake any other great expeditions1 till ,i find ,i can trust you entirely to do exactly as ,i say in cases where ,i have a right to decide2 but you will learn before long1 and then we can do a great many things together which we can not do now4 ,the ,principles ,illustrated4 ,any one who has any proper understanding of the workings of the juvenile mind will see that ,george1 by managing ,egbert on these principles1 would in a short time acquire complete ascendency over him1 while the boy would very probably remain1 in relation to his mother1 as disobedient and insubordinate as ever4 ,if the penalty annexed to the transgression is made as much as possible the necessary and natural consequence of it1 and is insisted upon calmly1 deliberately1 and with inflexible decision1 but without irritation1 without reproaches1 almost without any indications even of displeasure1 but is1 on the contrary1 lightened as much as possible by sympathy and kindness1 and by taking the most indulgent views1 and admitting the most palliating considerations in respect to the nature of the offense1 the result will certainly be the establishment of the authority of the parent or guardian on a firm and permanent basis4 ,there are a great many cases of this kind1 where a child with confirmed habits of insubordination comes under the charge of a person who is not responsible for the formation of these habits4 ,even the mother herself sometimes finds herself in substantially this position with her own children2 as1 for example1 when after some years of lax and inefficient government she becomes convinced that her management has been wrong1 and that it threatens to bring forth bitter fruits unless it is reformed4 ,in these cases1 although the work is somewhat more difficult1 the principles on which success depends are the same4 ,slight penalties1 firmly1 decisively1 and invariably enforced--without violence1 without scolding1 without any manifestation of resentment or anger1 and1 except in extreme cases1 without even expressions of displeasure--constitute a system which1 if carried out calmly1 but with firmness and decision1 will assuredly succeed4 ,the real ,difficulty4 ,the case would thus seem to be very simple1 and success very easy4 ,but1 alas6 this is far from being the case4 ,nothing is required1 it is true1 but firmness1 steadiness1 and decision2 but1 unfortunately1 these are the very requisites which1 of all others1 it seems most difficult for mothers to command4 ,they can not govern their children because they can not govern themselves4 ,still1 if the mother possess these qualities in any tolerable degree1 or is able to acquire them1 this method of training her children to the habit of submitting implicitly to her authority1 by calmly and good-naturedly1 but firmly and invariably1 affixing some slight privation or penalty to every act of resistance to her will1 is the easiest to practice1 and will certainly be successful4 ,it requires no ingenuity1 no skill1 no contrivance1 no thought--nothing but steady persistence in a simple routine4 ,this was the first of the three modes of action enumerated at the commencement of this discussion4 ,there were two others named1 which1 though requiring higher qualities in the mother than simple steadiness of purpose1 will make the work far more easy and agreeable1 where these qualities are possessed4 ,some further consideration of the subject of punishment1 with special reference to the light in which it is to be regarded in respect to its nature and its true mode of action1 will occupy the next chapter4 ,,chapter ,v4 ,,the ,,philosophy ,,of ,,punishment4 ,it is very desirable that every parent and teacher should have a distinct and clear conception of the true nature of punishment1 and of the precise manner in which it is designed to act in repressing offenses4 ,this is necessary in order that the punitive measures which he may employ may accomplish the desired good1 and avoid the evils which so often follow in their train4 ,nature and ,design of ,punishment4 ,the first question which is to be considered in determining upon the principles to be adopted and the course to be pursued with children in respect to punishment1 is1 which of the two views in respect to the nature and design of punishment which prevail in the minds of men we will adopt in shaping our system4 ,for1 #a4 ,punishment may be considered in the light of a vindictive retribution for sin--a penalty demanded by the eternal principles of justice as the natural and proper sequel and complement of the past act of transgression1 with or without regard to any salutary effects that may result from it in respect to future acts4 ,or1 #b4 ,it may be considered as a remedial measure1 adopted solely with reference to its influence as a means of deterring the subject of it1 or others1 from transgression in time to come4 ,according to the first view1 punishment is a penalty which justice demands as a satisfaction for the past4 ,according to the other it is a remedy which goodness devises for the benefit of the future4 ,theologians have lost themselves in endless speculations on the question how far1 in the government of ,god1 punishment is to be considered as possessing one or the other of these two characters1 or both combined4 ,there seems to be also some uncertainty in the minds of men in relation to the precise light in which the penalties of violated law are to be regarded by civil governments1 and the spirit in which they are to be administered--they being apparently1 as prescribed and employed by most governments1 in some respects1 and to some extent1 retributive and vindictive1 and in other respects remedial and curative4 ,it would seem1 however1 that in respect to school and family government there could be no question on this point4 ,the punishment of a child by a parent1 or of a pupil by a teacher1 ought certainly1 one would think1 to exclude the element of vindictive retribution altogether1 and to be employed solely with reference to the salutary influences that may be expected from it in time to come4 ,if the injunction ,vengeance is mine1 ,i will repay it1 saith the ,lord is to be recognized at all1 it certainly ought to be acknowledged here4 ,this principle1 once fully and cordially admitted1 simplifies the subject of punishment1 as administered by parents and teachers1 very much4 ,one extremely important and very striking result of it will appear from a moment's reflection4 ,it is this1 namely3 ,it excludes completely and effectually all manifestations of irritation or excitement in the infliction of punishment--all harsh tones of voice1 all scowling or angry looks1 all violent or threatening gesticulations1 and every other mode1 in fact1 of expressing indignation or passion4 ,such indications as these are wholly out of place in punishment considered as the application of a remedy devised beneficently with the sole view of accomplishing a future good4 ,they comport only with punishment considered as vengeance1 or a vindictive retribution for the past sin4 ,this idea is fundamental4 ,the mother who is made angry by the misconduct of her children1 and punishes them in a passion1 acts under the influence of a brute instinct4 ,her family government is in principle the same as that of the lower animals over their young4 ,it is1 however1 at any rate1 a government2 and such government is certainly better than none4 ,but human parents1 in the training of their human offspring1 ought surely to aim at something higher and nobler4 ,they who do so1 who possess themselves fully with the idea that punishment1 as they are to administer it1 is wholly remedial in its character--that is to say1 is to be considered solely with reference to the future good to be attained by it1 will have established in their minds a principle that will surely guide them into right ways1 and bring them out successfully in the end4 ,they will soon acquire the habit of never threatening1 of never punishing in anger1 and of calmly considering1 in the case of the faults which they observe in their children1 what course of procedure will be most effectual in correcting them4 ,parents seem sometimes to have an idea that a manifestation of something like anger--or1 at least1 very serious displeasure on their part--is necessary in order to make a proper impression in respect to its fault on the mind of the child4 ,this1 however1 ,i think1 is a mistake4 ,the impression is made by what we do1 and not by the indications of irritation or displeasure which we manifest in doing it4 ,to illustrate this1 ,i will state a case1 narrating all its essential points just as it occurred4 ,the case is very analogous1 in many particulars1 to that of ,egbert and ,george related in the last chapter4 ,mary's ,walk4 ,mary1 said ,mary's aunt1 ,jane1 who had come to make a visit at ,mary's mother's in the country1 ,i am going to the village this afternoon1 and if you would like you may go with me4 ,mary was1 of course1 much pleased with this invitation4 ,a part of the way1 continued her aunt1 is by a path across the fields4 ,while we are there you must keep in the path all the time1 for it rained a little this morning1 and ,i am afraid that the grass may not be quite dry4 ,yes1 ,aunt ,jane2 ,i'll keep in the path1 said ,mary4 ,so they set out on the walk together4 ,when they came to the gate which led to the path across the fields1 ,aunt ,jane said1 ,remember1 ,mary1 you must keep in the path4 ,mary said nothing1 but ran forward4 ,pretty soon she began to walk a little on the margin of the grass1 and1 before long1 observing a place where the grass was short and where the sun shone1 she ran out boldly upon it1 and then1 looking down at her shoes1 she observed that they were not wet4 ,she held up one of her feet to her aunt as she came opposite to the place1 saying1 ,see1 aunt1 the grass is not wet at all4 ,i see it is not1 said her aunt4 ,i thought it would not be wet2 though ,i was not sure but that it might be4 ,but come1 she added1 holding out her hand1 ,i have concluded not to go to the village1 after all4 ,we are going back home4 ,oh1 ,aunt ,jane6 said ,mary1 following her aunt as she began retracing her steps along the path4 ,what is that for8 ,i have altered my mind1 said her aunt4 ,what makes you alter your mind8 ,by this time ,aunt ,jane had taken hold of ,mary's hand1 and they were walking together along the path towards home4 ,because you don't obey me1 she said4 ,why1 auntie1 said ,mary1 the grass was not wet at all where ,i went4 ,no1 said her aunt1 it was perfectly dry4 ,and it did not do any harm at all for me to walk upon it1 said ,mary4 ,not a bit of harm1 said her aunt4 ,then why are you going home8 asked ,mary4 ,because you don't obey me1 replied her aunt4 ,you see1 said her aunt1 there is one thing about this that you don't understand1 because you are such a little girl4 ,you will understand it by-and-by1 when you grow older2 and ,i don't blame you for not knowing it now1 because you are so young4 ,what is it that ,i don't know8 asked ,mary4 ,i am afraid you would not understand it very well if ,i were to explain it1 replied her aunt4 ,try me1 said ,mary4 ,well1 you see1 replied her aunt1 ,i don't feel safe with any child that does not obey me4 ,this time no harm was done1 because the grass happened to be dry2 but farther on there was a brook4 ,i might have told you not to go near the brink of the brook for fear of your falling in4 ,then you might have gone1 notwithstanding1 if you thought there was no danger1 just as you went out upon the grass because you thought it was not wet1 notwithstanding my saying that you must keep in the path4 ,so you see ,i never feel safe in taking walks in places where there is any danger with children that ,i can not always depend upon to do exactly what ,i say4 ,mary was1 of course1 now ready to make profuse promises that she would obey her aunt in future on all occasions and began to beg that she would continue her walk to the village4 ,no1 said her aunt1 ,i don't think it would be quite safe for me to trust to your promises1 though ,i have no doubt you honestly mean to keep them4 ,but you remember you promised me that you would keep in the path when we planned this walk2 and yet when the time of temptation came you could not keep the promise2 but you will learn4 ,when ,i am going on some perfectly safe walk ,i will take you with me again2 and if ,i stay here some time you will learn to obey me so perfectly that ,i can take you with me to any place1 no matter how dangerous it may be4 ,aunt ,jane thus gently1 but firmly1 persisted in abandoning the walk to the village1 and returning home2 but she immediately turned the conversation away from the subject of ,mary's fault1 and amused her with stories and aided her in gathering flowers1 just as if nothing had happened2 and when she arrived at home she said nothing to any one of ,mary's disobedience4 ,here now was punishment calculated to make a very strong impression--but still without scolding1 without anger1 almost1 in fact1 without even any manifestations of displeasure4 ,and yet how long can any reasonable person suppose it would be before ,mary would learn1 if her aunt acted invariably on the same principles1 to submit implicitly to her will8 ,a ,different ,management4 ,compare the probable result of this mode of management with the scolding and threatening policy4 ,suppose ,aunt ,jane had called to ,mary angrily1 ,mary6 ,mary6 come directly back into the path4 ,i told you not to go out of the path1 and you are a very naughty child to disobey me4 ,the next time you disobey me in that way ,i will send you directly home4 ,mary would have been vexed and irritated1 perhaps1 and would have said to herself1 ,how cross ,aunt ,jane is to-day6 but the next time she would have been as disobedient as ever4 ,if mothers1 instead of scowling1 scolding1 and threatening now1 and putting off doing the thing that ought to be done to the next time1 would do that thing at once1 and give up the scowling1 scolding1 and threatening altogether1 they would find all parties immensely benefited by the change4 ,it is evident1 moreover1 that by this mode of management the punishment is employed not in the way of retribution1 but as a remedy4 ,mary loses her walk not on the ground that she deserved to lose it1 but because it was not safe to continue it4 ,an ,objection4 ,some mother may perhaps say1 in reference to the case of ,mary and her aunt1 that it may be all very well in theory1 but that practically mothers have not the leisure and the means for adopting such moderate measures4 ,we can not stop1 she may say1 every time we are going to the village1 on important business perhaps1 and turn back and lose the afternoon on account of the waywardness of a disobedient child4 ,my answer is that it will not have to be done every time1 but only very seldom4 ,the effect of acting once or twice on this principle1 with the certainty on the part of the child that the mother or the aunt will always act so when the occasion calls for it1 very soon puts an end to all necessity for such action4 ,indeed1 if ,mary1 in the instance above given1 had been managed in this way from infancy1 she would not have thought of leaving the path when forbidden to do so4 ,it is only in some such case as that of an aunt who knows how to manage right1 coming as a visitor into the family of a mother who manages wrong1 that such an incident as this could occur4 ,still it must be admitted that the gentle methods of discipline1 which reason and common sense indicate as the true ones for permanently influencing the minds of children and forming their characters1 do1 in each individual case1 require more time and care than the cuffs and slaps dictated by passion4 ,a box on the ear1 such as a cat gives to a rebellious kitten1 is certainly the quickest application that can be made4 ,the measures that are calculated to reach and affect the heart can not vie with blows and scoldings in respect to the promptness of their action4 ,still1 the parent or the teacher who will begin to act on the principles here recommended with children while they are young will find that such methods are far more prompt in their action and more effectual in immediate results than they would suppose1 and that they will be the means of establishing the only kind of authority that is really worthy of the name more rapidly than any other4 ,the special point1 however1 with a view to which these illustrations are introduced1 is1 as has been already remarked1 that penalties of this nature1 and imposed in this spirit1 are not vindictive1 but simply remedial and reformatory4 ,they are not intended to satisfy the sense of justice for what is past1 but only to secure greater safety and happiness in time to come4 ,the ,element of ,invariableness4 ,punishments may be very light and gentle in their character1 provided they are certain to follow the offense4 ,it is in their certainty1 and not in their severity1 that the efficiency of them lies4 ,very few children are ever severely burnt by putting their fingers into the flame of a candle4 ,they are effectually taught not to put them in by very slight burnings1 on account of the absolute invariableness of the result produced by the contact4 ,mothers often do not understand this4 ,they attempt to cure some habitual fault by scoldings and threats1 and declarations of what they will certainly do next time1 and perhaps by occasional acts of real severity in cases of peculiar aggravation1 instead of a quiet1 gentle1 and comparatively trifling infliction in every instance of the fault1 which would be altogether more effectual4 ,a child1 for example1 has acquired the habit of leaving the door open4 ,now occasionally scolding him1 when it is specially cold1 and now and then shutting him up in a closet for half an hour1 will never cure him of the fault4 ,but if there were an automaton figure standing by the side of the door1 to say to him every time that he came through without shutting it1 ,door6 which call should be a signal to him to go back and shut the door1 and then sit down in a chair near by and count ten2 and if this slight penalty was invariably enforced1 he would be most effectually cured of the fault in a very short time4 ,now1 the mother can not be exactly this automaton1 for she can not always be there2 but she can recognize the principle1 and carry it into effect as far as possible--that is1 invariably1 when she is there4 ,and though she will not thus cure the boy of the fault so soon as the automaton would do it1 she will still do it very soon4 ,irritation and ,anger4 ,avoid1 as much as possible1 every thing of an irritating character in the punishments inflicted1 for to irritate frequently the mind of a child tends1 of course1 to form within him an irritable and unamiable temper4 ,it is true1 perhaps1 that it is not possible absolutely to avoid this effect of punishment in all cases2 but a great deal may be done to diminish the evil by the exercise of a little tact and ingenuity on the part of the mother whose attention is once particularly directed to the subject4 ,the first and most important measure of precaution on this point is the absolute exclusion of every thing like angry looks and words as accompaniments of punishment4 ,if you find that any wrong which your child commits awakens irritation or anger in your mind1 suspend your judgment of the case and postpone all action until the irritation and anger have subsided1 and you can consider calmly and deliberately what to do1 with a view1 not of satisfying your own resentment1 but of doing good to the child4 ,then1 when you have decided what to do1 carry your decision into effect in a good-natured manner--firmly and inflexibly--but still without any violence1 or even harshness1 of manner4 ,co-operation of the ,offender4 ,there are many cases in which1 by the exercise of a little tact and ingenuity1 the parent can actually secure the co-operation of the child in the infliction of the punishment prescribed for the curing of a fault4 ,there are many advantages in this1 when it can be done4 ,it gives the child an interest in curing himself of the fault2 it makes the punishment more effectual2 and it removes almost all possibility of its producing any irritation or resentment in his mind4 ,to illustrate this we will give a case4 ,it is of no consequence1 for the purpose of this article1 whether it is a real or an imaginary one4 ,little ,egbert1 seven years old1 had formed the habit so common among children of wasting a great deal of time in dressing himself1 so as not to be ready for breakfast when the second bell rang4 ,his mother offered him a reward if he would himself devise any plan that would cure him of the fault4 ,i don't know what to do1 exactly1 to cure you1 she said2 but if you will think of any plan that will really succeed1 ,i will give you an excursion in a carriage4 ,how far8 asked ,egbert4 ,ten miles1 said his mother4 ,i will take you in a carriage on an excursion anywhere you say1 for ten miles1 if you will find out some way to cure yourself of this fault4 ,i think you ought to punish me1 said ,egbert1 speaking in rather a timid tone4 ,that's just it1 said his mother1 ,it is for you to think of some kind of punishment that won't be too disagreeable for me to inflict1 and which will yet be successful in curing you of the fault4 ,i will allow you a fortnight to get cured4 ,if you are not cured in a fortnight ,i shall think the punishment is not enough1 or that it is not of a good kind2 but if it works so well as to cure you in a fortnight1 then you shall have the ride4 ,egbert wished to know whether he must think of the punishment himself1 or whether his sister ,mary might help him4 ,his mother gave him leave to ask any body to help him that he pleased4 ,mary1 after some reflection1 recommended that1 whenever he was not dressed in time1 he was to have only one lump of sugar1 instead of four1 in his tumbler of water for breakfast4 ,his usual drink at breakfast was a tumbler of water1 with four lumps of sugar in it4 ,the first bell was rung at half-past six1 and breakfast was at half-past seven4 ,his sister recommended that1 as half an hour was ample time for the work of dressing1 ,egbert should go down every morning and report himself ready before the clock struck seven4 ,if he failed of this1 he was to have only one lump of sugar1 instead of four1 in his glass of water4 ,there was some question about the necessity of requiring him to be ready before seven2 ,egbert being inclined to argue that if he was ready by breakfast-time1 that would be enough4 ,but ,mary said no4 ,to allow you a full hour to dress1 she said1 when half an hour is enough1 may answer very well in respect to having you ready for breakfast1 but it is no way to cure you of the fault4 ,that would enable you to play half of the time while you are dressing1 without incurring the punishment2 but the way to cure you is to make it sure that you will have the punishment to bear if you play at all4 ,so it was decided to allow only half an hour for the dressing-time4 ,egbert's mother said she was a little afraid about the one lump of sugar that was left to him when he failed4 ,the plan may succeed1 she said2 ,i am very willing that you should try it2 but ,i am afraid that when you are tempted to stop and play in the midst of your dressing1 you will say1 ,i shall have one lump of sugar1 at any rate1 and so will yield to the temptation4 ,so perhaps it would be safer for you to make the rule that you are not to have any sugar at all when you fail4 ,still1 perhaps your plan will succeed4 ,you can try it and see4 ,i should wish myself to have the punishment as slight as possible to produce the effect4 ,by such management as this1 it is plain that ,egbert is brought into actual co-operation with his mother in the infliction of a punishment to cure him of a fault4 ,it is true1 that making such an arrangement as this1 and then leaving it to its own working1 would lead to no result4 ,as in the case of all other plans and methods1 it must be strictly1 firmly1 and perseveringly followed up by the watchful efficiency of the mother4 ,we can not substitute the action of the child for that of the parent in the work of early training1 but we can often derive very great advantage by securing his cooperation4 ,playful ,punishments4 ,so true is it that the efficacy of any mode of punishment consists in the certainty of its infliction1 that even playful punishments are in many cases sufficient to accomplish the cure of a fault4 ,george1 for example1 was in the habit of continually getting into disputes and mild quarrels with his sister ,amelia1 a year or two younger than himself4 ,i know it is very foolish1 he said to his mother1 when she was talking with him on the subject one evening after he had gone to bed1 and she had been telling him a story1 and his mind was in a calm and tranquil state4 ,it is very foolish1 but somehow ,i can't help it4 ,i forget4 ,then you must have some punishment to make you remember1 said his mother4 ,but sometimes she is the one to blame1 said ,george1 and then she must have the punishment4 ,no1 replied his mother4 ,when a lady and a gentleman become involved in a dispute in polite society1 it is always the gentleman that must be considered to be to blame4 ,but ,amelia and ,i are not polite society1 said ,george4 ,you ought to be1 said his mother4 ,at any rate1 when you1 an older brother1 get into disputes with your sister1 it is because you have not sense enough to manage so as to avoid them4 ,if you were a little older and wiser you would have sense enough4 ,well1 mother1 what shall the punishment be8 said ,george4 ,would you really like to have a punishment1 so as to cure yourself of the fault8 asked his mother4 ,george said that he would like one4 ,then1 said his mother1 ,i propose that every time you get into a dispute with ,amelia1 you turn your jacket wrong side out1 and wear it so a little while as a symbol of folly4 ,george laughed heartily at this idea1 and said he should like such a punishment as that very much4 ,it would only be fun1 he said4 ,his mother explained to him that it would be fun1 perhaps1 two or three times1 but after that it would only be a trouble2 but still1 if they decided upon that as a punishment1 he must submit to it in every case4 ,every time he found himself getting into any dispute or difficulty with his sister1 he must stop at once and turn his jacket inside out2 and if he did not himself think to do this1 she herself1 if she was within hearing1 would simply say1 ,jacket6 and then he must do it4 ,no matter which of us is most to blame8 asked ,george4 ,you will always be the one that is most to blame1 replied his mother1 or1 at least1 almost always4 ,when a boy is playing with a sister younger than himself1 he is the one that is most to blame for the quarrelling4 ,his sister may be to blame by doing something wrong in the first instance2 but he is the one to blame for allowing it to lead to a quarrel4 ,if it is a little thing1 he ought to yield to her1 and not to mind it2 and if it is a great thing1 he ought to go away and leave her1 rather than to stop and quarrel about it4 ,so you see you will be the one to blame for the quarrel in almost all cases4 ,there may possibly be some cases where you will not be to blame at all1 and then you will have to be punished when you don't deserve it1 and you must bear it like a man4 ,this is a liability that happens under all systems4 ,we will try the plan for one fortnight1 she continued4 ,so now remember1 every single time that ,i hear you disputing or quarrelling with ,amelia1 you must take off your jacket and put it on again wrong side out--no matter whether you think you were to blame or not--and wear it so a few minutes4 ,you can wear it so for a longer or shorter time1 just as you think is best to make the punishment effectual in curing you of the fault4 ,by the end of the fortnight we shall be able to see whether the plan is working well and doing any good4 ,so now1 continued his mother1 shut up your eyes and go to sleep4 ,you are a good boy to wish to cure yourself of such faults1 and to be willing to help me in contriving ways to do it4 ,and ,i have no doubt that you will submit to this punishment good-naturedly every time1 and not make me any trouble about it4 ,let it be remembered1 now1 that the efficacy of such management as this consists not in the devising of it1 nor in holding such a conversation as the above with the boy--salutary as this might be--but in the faithfulness and strictness with which it is followed up during the fortnight of trial4 ,in the case in question1 the progress which ,george made in diminishing his tendency to get into disputes with his sister was so great that his mother told him1 at the end of the first fortnight1 that their plan had succeeded admirably--so much so1 she said1 that she thought the punishment of taking off his jacket and turning it inside out would be for the future unnecessarily severe1 and she proposed to substitute for it taking off his cap1 and putting it on wrong side before4 ,the reader will1 of course1 understand that the object of such an illustration as this is not to recommend the particular measure here described for adoption in other cases1 but to illustrate the spirit and temper of mind in which all measures adopted by the mother in the training of her children should be carried into effect4 ,measures that involve no threats1 no scolding1 no angry manifestations of displeasure1 but are even playful in their character1 may be very efficient in action if they are firmly and perseveringly maintained4 ,punishments that are the ,natural ,consequence of the ,offense4 ,there is great advantage in adapting the character of the punishment to that of the fault--making it1 as far as possible1 the natural and proper consequence of it4 ,for instance1 if the boys of a school do not come in promptly at the close of the twenty minutes' recess1 but waste five minutes by their dilatoriness in obeying the summons of the bell1 and the teacher keeps them for five minutes beyond the usual hour of dismissal1 to make up for the lost time1 the punishment may be felt by them to be deserved1 and it may have a good effect in diminishing the evil it is intended to remedy2 but it will probably excite a considerable degree of mental irritation1 if not of resentment1 on the part of the children1 which will diminish the good effect1 or is1 at any rate1 an evil which is to be avoided if possible4 ,if now1 on the other hand1 he assigns precisely the same penalty in another form1 the whole of the good effect may be secured without the evil4 ,suppose he addresses the boys just before they are to go out at the next recess1 as follows3 ,i think1 boys1 that twenty minutes is about the right length of time for the recess1 all told--that is1 from the time you go out to the time when you are all back in your seats again1 quiet and ready to resume your studies4 ,i found yesterday that it took five minutes for you all to come in--that is1 that it was five minutes from the time the bell was rung before all were in their seats2 and to-day ,i shall ring the bell after fifteen minutes1 so as to give you time to come in4 ,if ,i find to-day that it takes ten minutes1 then ,i will give you more time to come in to-morrow1 by ringing the bell after you have been out ten minutes4 ,i am sorry to have you lose so much of your recess1 and if you can make the time for coming in shorter1 then1 of course1 your recess can be longer4 ,i should not wonder if1 after a few trials1 you should find that you could all come in and get into your places in one minute2 and if so1 ,i shall be very glad1 for then you can have an uninterrupted recess of nineteen minutes1 which will be a great gain4 ,every one who has had any considerable experience in the management of boys will readily understand how different the effect of this measure will be from that of the other1 while yet the penalty is in both cases precisely the same--namely1 the loss1 for the boys1 of five minutes of their play4 ,the ,little ,runaway4 ,in the same manner1 where a child three or four years old was in the habit1 when allowed to go out by himself in the yard to play1 of running off into the street1 a very appropriate punishment would be to require him1 for the remainder of the day1 to stay in the house and keep in sight of his mother1 on the ground that it was not safe to trust him by himself in the yard4 ,this would be much better than sending him to bed an hour earlier1 or subjecting him to any other inconvenience or privation having no obvious connection with the fault4 ,for it is of the greatest importance to avoid1 by every means1 the exciting of feelings of irritation and resentment in the mind of the child1 so far as it is possible to do this without impairing the efficiency of the punishment4 ,it is not always possible to do this4 ,the efficiency of the punishment is1 of course1 the essential thing2 but parents and teachers who turn their attention to the point will find that it is much less difficult than one would suppose to secure this end completely without producing the too frequent accompaniments of punishment--anger1 ill-temper1 and ill-will4 ,illustration3 ,,it ,,is ,,not ,,safe ,in the case1 for example1 of the child not allowed to go out into the yard1 but required to remain in the house in sight of his mother1 the mother should not try to make the punishment more heavy by speaking again and again of his fault1 and evincing her displeasure by trying to make the confinement as irksome to the child as possible2 but1 on the other hand1 should do all in her power to alleviate it4 ,i am very sorry1 she might say1 to have to keep you in the house4 ,it would be much pleasanter for you to go out and play in the yard1 if it was only safe4 ,i don't blame you very much for running away4 ,it is what foolish little children1 as little as you1 very often do4 ,i suppose you thought it would be good fun to run out a little way in the street4 ,and it is good fun2 but it is not safe4 ,by-and-by1 when you grow a little larger1 you won't be so foolish1 and then ,i can trust you in the yard at any time without having to watch you at all4 ,and now what can ,i get for you to amuse you while you stay in the house with me8 ,punishment coming in this way1 and administered in this spirit1 will irritate the mind and injure the temper comparatively little2 and1 instead of being less2 will be much more effective in accomplishing the right kind of cure for the fault1 than any stern1 severe1 and vindictive retribution can possibly be4 ,the ,question of ,corporal ,punishment4 ,the question of resorting to corporal punishment in the training of the young has been much1 very much1 argued and discussed on both sides by writers on education2 but it seems to me to be mainly a question of competency and skill4 ,if the parent or teacher has tact or skill enough1 and practical knowledge enough of the workings of the youthful mind1 he can gain all the necessary ascendency over it without resort to the violent infliction of bodily pain in any form4 ,if he has not these qualities1 then he must turn to the next best means at his disposal2 for it is better that a child should be trained and governed by the rod than not trained and governed at all4 ,i do not suppose that savages could possibly control their children without blows2 while1 on the other hand1 ,maria ,edgeworth would have brought under complete submission to her will a family of the most ardent and impulsive juveniles1 perhaps without even a harsh word or a frown4 ,if a mother begins with children at the beginning1 is just and true in all her dealings with them1 gentle in manner1 but inflexibly firm in act1 and looks constantly for ,divine guidance and aid in her conscientious efforts to do her duty1 ,i feel quite confident that it will never be necessary for her to strike them4 ,the necessity may1 however1 sooner or later come1 for aught ,i know1 in the case of those who act on the contrary principle4 ,under such management1 the rod may come to be the only alternative to absolute unmanageableness and anarchy4 ,there will be occasion1 however1 to refer to this subject more fully in a future chapter4 ,,chapter ,,vi4 ,,rewarding ,,obedience4 ,the mode of action described in the last two chapters for training children to habits of obedience consisted in discouraging disobedience by connecting some certain1 though mild and gentle disadvantage1 inconvenience1 or penalty1 with every transgression4 ,in this chapter is to be considered another mode1 which is in some respects the converse of the first1 inasmuch as it consists in the encouragement of obedience1 by often--not necessarily always--connecting with it some advantage1 or gain1 or pleasure2 or1 as it may be stated summarily1 the cautious encouragement of obedience by rewards4 ,this method of action is more difficult than the other in the sense that it requires more skill1 tact1 and delicacy of perception and discrimination to carry it successfully into effect4 ,the other demands only firm1 but gentle and steady persistence4 ,if the penalty1 however slight it may be1 always comes1 the effect will take care of itself4 ,but judiciously to administer a system of rewards1 or even of commendations1 requires tact1 discrimination1 and skill4 ,it requires some observation of the peculiar characteristics of the different minds acted upon1 and of the effects produced1 and often some intelligent modification of the measures is required1 to fit them to varying circumstances and times4 ,obedience must not be ,bought4 ,if the bestowing of commendation and rewards is made a matter of mere blind routine1 as the assigning of gentle penalties may be1 the result will become a mere system of bribing1 or rather paying children to be good2 and goodness that is bought1 if it deserves the name of virtue at all1 is certainly virtue of a very inferior quality4 ,whether a reward conferred for obedience shall operate as a bribe1 or rather as a price paid--for a bribe1 strictly speaking1 is a price paid1 not for doing right1 but for doing wrong--depends sometimes on very slight differences in the management of the particular case--differences which an undiscriminating mother will not be very ready to appreciate4 ,a mother1 for example1 going into the village on a summer afternoon1 leaves her children playing in the yard1 under the general charge of ,susan1 who is at work in the kitchen1 whence she can observe them from time to time through the open window4 ,she thinks the children will be safe1 provided they remain in the yard4 ,the only thing to be guarded against is the danger that they may go out through the gate into the road4 ,two ,different ,modes of ,management4 ,under some circumstances1 as1 for example1 where the danger to which they would be exposed in going into the road was very great1 or where the mother can not rely upon her power to control her children's conduct by moral means in any way1 the only safe method would be to fasten the gate4 ,but if she prefers to depend for their safety on their voluntary obedience to her commands1 and wishes1 moreover1 to promote the spirit of obedience by rewarding rather than punishing1 she can make her rewards of the nature of hire or not1 according to her mode of management4 ,if she wishes to hire obedience1 she has only to say to the children that she is going into the village for a little time1 and that they may play in the yard while she is gone1 but must not go out of the gate2 adding1 that she is going to bring home some oranges or candies1 which she will give them if she finds that they have obeyed her1 but which she will not give them if they have disobeyed4 ,such a promise1 provided the children have the double confidence in their mother which such a method requires--namely1 first1 a full belief that she will really bring home the promised rewards1 if they obey her2 and secondly--and this is a confidence much less frequently felt by children1 and much less frequently deserved by their mothers--a conviction that1 in case they disobey1 no importunities on their part or promises for the next time will induce their mother to give them the good things1 but that the rewards will certainly be lost to them unless they are deserved1 according to the conditions of the promise--in such a case--that is1 when this double confidence exists1 the promise will have great influence upon the children4 ,still1 it is1 in its nature1 hiring them to obey4 ,i do not say that this is necessarily a bad plan1 though ,i think there is a better4 ,children may1 perhaps1 be trained gradually to habits of obedience by a system of direct rewards1 and in a manner1 too1 far more agreeable to the parent and better for the child than by a system of compulsion through threats and punishment4 ,the ,method of ,indirect ,rewarding4 ,but there is another way of connecting pleasurable ideas and associations with submission to parental authority in the minds of children1 as a means of alluring them to the habit of obedience--one that is both more efficient in its results and more healthful and salutary in its action than the practice of bestowing direct recompenses and rewards4 ,suppose1 for example1 in the case above described1 the mother1 on leaving the children1 simply gives them the command that they are not to leave the yard1 but makes no promises1 and then1 on returning from the village with the bonbons in her bag1 simply asks ,susan1 when she comes in1 whether the children have obeyed her injunction not to leave the yard4 ,if ,susan says yes1 she nods to them1 with a look of satisfaction and pleasure1 and adds3 ,i thought they would obey me4 ,i am very glad4 ,now ,i can trust them again4 ,then1 by-and-by1 towards the close of the day1 perhaps1 and when the children suppose that the affair is forgotten1 she takes an opportunity to call them to her1 saying that she has something to tell them4 ,you remember when ,i went to the village to-day1 ,i left you in the yard and said that you must not go out of the gate1 and you obeyed4 ,perhaps you would have liked to go out into the road and play there1 but you would not go because ,i had forbidden it4 ,i am very glad that you obeyed4 ,i thought of you when ,i was in the village1 and ,i thought you would obey me4 ,i felt quite safe about you4 ,if you had been disobedient children1 ,i should have felt uneasy and anxious4 ,but ,i felt safe4 ,when ,i had finished my shopping1 ,i thought ,i would buy you some bonbons1 and here they are4 ,you can go and sit down together on the carpet and divide them4 ,mary can choose one1 and then ,jane2 then ,mary1 and then ,jane again2 and so on until they are all chosen4 ,difference in the ,character of the ,effects4 ,it may1 perhaps1 be said by the reader that this is substantially the same as giving a direct reward for the obedience4 ,i admit that it is in some sense substantially the same thing1 but it is not the same in form4 ,and this is one of those cases where the effect is modified very greatly by the form4 ,where children are directly promised a reward if they do so and so1 they naturally regard the transaction as of the nature of a contract or a bargain1 such that when they have fulfilled the conditions on their part the reward is their due1 as1 indeed1 it really is2 and they come and demand it as such4 ,the tendency1 then1 is1 to divest their minds of all sense of obligation in respect to doing right1 and to make them feel that it is in some sense optional with them whether to do right and earn the reward1 or not to do right and lose it4 ,in the case1 however1 last described1 which seems at first view to differ only in form from the preceding one1 the commendation and the bonbons would be so connected with the act of obedience as to associate very agreeable ideas with it in the children's minds1 and thus to make doing right appear attractive to them on future occasions1 while1 at the same time1 they would not in any degree deprive the act itself of its spontaneous character1 as resulting from a sense of duty on their part1 or produce the impression on their minds that their remaining within the gate was of the nature of a service rendered to their mother for hire1 and afterwards duly paid for4 ,the lesson which we deduce from this illustration and the considerations connected with it may be stated as follows3 ,the ,general ,principle4 ,that the rewards conferred upon children with a view of connecting pleasurable ideas and associations with good conduct should not take the form of compensations stipulated for beforehand1 and then conferred according to agreement1 as if they were of the nature of payment for a service rendered1 but should come as the natural expression of the satisfaction and happiness felt by the mother in the good conduct of her child--expressions as free and spontaneous on her part as the good conduct was on the part of the child4 ,the mother who understands the full import of this principle1 and whose mind becomes fully possessed of it1 will find it constantly coming into practical use in a thousand ways4 ,she has undertaken1 for example1 to teach her little son to read4 ,of course learning to read is irksome to him4 ,he dislikes extremely to leave his play and come to take his lesson4 ,sometimes a mother is inconsiderate enough to be pained at this4 ,she is troubled to find that her boy takes so little interest in so useful a work1 and even1 perhaps1 scolds him1 and threatens him for not loving study4 ,if you don't learn to read1 she says to him1 in a tone of irritation and displeasure1 you will grow up a dunce1 and every body will laugh at you1 and you will be ashamed to be seen4 ,children's ,difficulties4 ,but let her imagine that she herself was to be called away two or three times a day1 for half an hour1 to study ,chinese1 with a very exacting teacher1 always more or less impatient and dissatisfied with her progress2 and yet the irksomeness and difficulty for the mother1 in learning to decipher ,chinese1 would be as nothing compared with that of the child in learning to read4 ,the only thing that could make the work even tolerable to the mother would be a pretty near1 distinct1 and certain prospect of going to ,china under circumstances that would make the knowledge of great advantage to her4 ,but the child has no such near1 distinct1 and certain prospect of the advantages of knowing how to read4 ,he has scarcely any idea of these advantages at all4 ,you can describe them to him1 but the description will have no perceptible effect upon his mind4 ,those faculties by which we bring the future vividly before us so as to influence our present action1 are not yet developed4 ,his cerebral organization has not yet advanced to that condition1 any more than his bones have advanced to the hardness1 rigidness1 and strength of manhood4 ,his mind is only capable of being influenced strongly by what is present1 or1 at least1 very near4 ,it is the design of ,divine ,providence that this should be so4 ,the child is not made to look forward much yet1 and the mother who is pained and distressed because he will not look forward1 shows a great ignorance of the nature of the infantile mind1 and of the manner of its development4 ,if she finds fault with her boy for not feeling distinctly enough the future advantages of learning to lead him to love study now1 she is simply finding fault with a boy for not being possessed of the most slowly developed faculties of a man4 ,the way1 then1 to induce children to attend to such duties as learning to read1 is not to reason with them on the advantages of it1 but to put it simply on the ground of authority4 ,it is very irksome1 ,i know1 but you must do it4 ,when you are at play1 and having a very pleasant time1 ,i know very well that it is hard for you to be called away to puzzle over your letters and your reading4 ,it was very hard for me when ,i was a child4 ,it is very hard for all children2 but then it must be done4 ,the way in this1 as in all other similar cases1 to reduce the irksomeness of disagreeable duties to a minimum is not to attempt to convince or persuade the child1 but to put the performance of them simply on the ground of submission to authority4 ,the child must leave his play and come to take his lesson1 not because he sees that it is better for him to learn to read than to play all the time1 nor because he is to receive a reward in the form of compensation1 but because his mother requires him to do it4 ,indirect ,rewarding4 ,if1 therefore1 she concludes1 in order to connect agreeable ideas with the hard work of learning to read1 that she will often1 at the close of the lessons1 tell him a little story1 or show him a picture1 or have a frolic with him1 or give him a piece of candy or a lump of sugar1 or bestow upon him any other little gratification1 it is better not to promise these things beforehand1 so as to give to the coming of the child1 when called1 the character of a service rendered for hire4 ,let him come simply because he is called2 and then let the gratifications be bestowed as the expressions of his mother's satisfaction and happiness1 in view of her boy's ready obedience to her commands and faithful performance of his duty4 ,obedience1 though ,implicit1 need not be ,blind4 ,it must not be supposed from what has been said that because a mother is not to rely upon the reason and forecast of the child in respect to future advantages to accrue from efforts or sacrifices as motives of present action1 that she is not to employ the influence of these motives at all4 ,it is true that those faculties of the mind by which we apprehend distant things and govern our conduct by them are not yet developed in the child2 but they are to be developed1 and the aid of the parent will be of the greatest service in promoting the development of them4 ,at proper times1 then1 the pleasures and advantages of knowing how to read should be described to the child1 and presented moreover in the most attractive form4 ,the proper time for doing this would be when no lesson is in question-- during a ride or a walk1 or in the midst of a story1 or while looking at a book of pictures4 ,a most improper time would be when a command had been given and was disregarded1 or was reluctantly obeyed2 for then such representations would only tend to enfeeble the principle of authority by bringing in the influence of reasonings and persuasions to make up for its acknowledged inefficiency4 ,it is one of those cases where a force is weakened by reinforcement--as a plant1 by being long held up by a stake1 comes in the end not to be able to stand alone4 ,so a mother can not in any way more effectually undermine her authority1 as authority1 than by attempting to eke out its force by arguments and coaxings4 ,authority not to be made ,oppressive4 ,while the parent must thus take care to establish the principle of authority as the ground of obedience on the part of his children1 and must not make their doing what he requires any the less acts of obedience1 through vainly attempting to diminish the hardship of obeying a command by mingling the influence of reasonings and persuasions with it1 he may in other ways do all in his power--and that will be a great deal--to make the acts of obedience easy1 or1 at least1 to diminish the difficulty of them and the severity of the trial which they often bring to the child4 ,one mode by which this may be done is by not springing disagreeable obligations upon a child suddenly1 but by giving his mind a little time to form itself to the idea of what is to come4 ,when ,johnny and ,mary are playing together happily with their blocks upon the floor1 and are1 perhaps1 just completing a tower which they have been building1 if their mother comes suddenly into the room1 announces to them abruptly that it is time for them to go to bed1 throws down the tower and brushes the blocks into the basket1 and then hurries the children away to the undressing1 she gives a sudden and painful shock to their whole nervous system1 and greatly increases the disappointment and pain which they experience in being obliged to give up their play4 ,the delay of a single minute would be sufficient to bring their minds round easily and gently into submission to the necessity of the case4 ,if she comes to them with a smile1 looks upon their work a moment with an expression of interest and pleasure upon her countenance1 and then says1 ,it is bed-time1 children1 but ,i would like to see you finish your tower4 ,one minute of delay like this1 to soften the suddenness of the transition1 will make the act of submission to the necessity of giving up play and going to bed1 in obedience to the mother's command1 comparatively easy1 instead of being1 as it very likely would otherwise have been1 extremely vexatious and painful4 ,give a ,little ,time4 ,in the same way1 in bringing to a close an evening party of children at play1 if the lady of the house comes a little before the time and says to them that after one more play1 or two more plays1 as the case may be1 the party must come to an end1 the closing of it would be made easy2 while by waiting till the hour had come1 and then suddenly interrupting the gayety1 perhaps in the middle of a game1 by the abrupt announcement to the children that the clock has struck1 and they must stop their plays and begin to get ready to go home1 she brings upon them a sudden shock of painful surprise1 disappointment1 and1 perhaps1 irritation4 ,so1 if children are to be called away from their play for any purpose whatever1 it is always best to give them a little notice1 if it be only a moment's notice1 beforehand4 ,john1 in a minute or two ,i shall wish you to go and get some wood4 ,you can be getting your things ready to be left4 ,mary1 it is almost time for your lesson4 ,you had better put ,dolly to sleep and lay her in the cradle4 ,boys1 in ten minutes it will be time for you to go to school4 ,so do not begin any new whistles1 but only finish what you have begun4 ,on the same principle1 if boys are at play in the open air--at ball1 or skating1 or flying kites--and are to be recalled by a bell1 obedience to the call will be made much more easy to them by a preliminary signal1 as a warning1 given five minutes before the time4 ,of course1 it will not always be convenient to give these signals and these times of preparation4 ,nor will it be always necessary to give them4 ,to determine how and in what cases it is best to apply the principle here explained will require some tact and good judgment on the part of the parent4 ,it would be folly to lay down a rigid rule of this kind to be considered as always obligatory4 ,all that is desirable is that the mother should understand the principle1 and that she should apply it as far as she conveniently and easily can do so4 ,she will find in practice that when she once appreciates the value of it1 and observes its kind and beneficent working1 she will find it convenient and easy to apply it far more generally than she would suppose4 ,no weakening of ,authority in this4 ,it is very plain that softening thus the hardship for the child of any act of obedience required of him by giving him a little time implies no abatement of the authority of the parent1 nor does it detract at all from the implicitness of the obedience on the part of the child4 ,the submission to authority is as complete in doing a thing in five minutes if the order was to do it in five minutes1 as in doing it at once if the order was to do it at once4 ,and the mother must take great care1 when thus trying to make obedience more easy by allowing time1 that it should be prompt and absolute when the time has expired4 ,the idea is1 that though the parent is bound fully to maintain his authority over his children1 in all its force1 he is also bound to make the exercise of it as little irksome and painful to them as possible1 and to prevent as much as possible the pressure of it from encroaching upon their juvenile joys4 ,he must insist inexorably on being obeyed2 but he is bound to do all in his power to make the yoke of obedience light and easily to be borne4 ,influence on the healthful ,development of the ,brain4 ,indeed1 besides the bearing of these views on the happiness of the children1 it is not at all improbable that the question of health may be seriously involved in them4 ,for1 however certain we may be of the immateriality of the soul in its essence1 it is a perfectly well established fact that all its operations and functions1 as an animating spirit in the human body1 are fulfilled through the workings of material organs in the brain2 that these organs are in childhood in an exceedingly immature1 tender1 and delicate condition2 and that all sudden1 sharp1 and1 especially1 painful emotions1 greatly excite1 and sometimes cruelly irritate them4 ,when we consider how seriously the action of the digestive organs1 in persons in an ordinary state of health1 is often interfered with by mental anxiety or distress2 how frequently1 in persons subject to headaches1 the paroxysm is brought on by worryings or perplexities endured incidentally on the preceding day2 and especially how often violent and painful emotions1 when they are extreme1 result in decided and sometimes in permanent and hopeless insanity--that is1 in an irreparable damage to some delicate mechanism in the brain--we shall see that there is every reason for supposing that all sudden shocks to the nervous system of children1 all violent and painful excitements1 all vexations and irritations1 and ebullitions of ill-temper and anger1 have a tendency to disturb the healthy development of the cerebral organs1 and may1 in many cases1 seriously affect the future health and welfare1 as well as the present happiness1 of the child4 ,it is true that mental disturbances and agitations of this kind can not be wholly avoided4 ,but they should be avoided as far as possible2 and the most efficient means for avoiding them is a firm1 though calm and gentle1 establishment and maintenance of parental authority1 and not1 as many mothers very mistakingly imagine1 by unreasonable indulgences1 and by endeavors to manage their children by persuasions1 bribings1 and manoeuvrings1 instead of by commands4 ,the most indulged children1 and the least governed1 are always the most petulant and irritable2 while a strong government1 if regular1 uniform1 and just1 and if administered by gentle measures1 is the most effectual of all possible instrumentalities for surrounding childhood with an atmosphere of calmness and peace4 ,in a word1 while the mother is bound to do all in her power to render submission to her authority easy and agreeable to her children1 by softening as much as possible the disappointment and hardship which her commands sometimes occasion1 and by connecting pleasurable ideas and sensations with acts of obedience on the part of the child1 she must not at all relax the authority itself1 but must maintain it under all circumstances in its full force1 with a very firm and decided1 though still gentle hand4 ,,chapter ,,vii4 ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,training4 ,it is very clear that the most simple and the most obvious of the modes by which a parent may establish among his children the habit of submission to his authority1 are those which have been already described1 namely1 punishments and rewards--punishments1 gentle in their character1 but invariably enforced1 as the sure results of acts of insubordination2 and rewards for obedience1 occasionally and cautiously bestowed1 in such a manner that they may be regarded as recognitions simply1 on the part of the parent1 of the good conduct of his children1 and expressions of his gratification1 and not in the light of payment or hire4 ,these are obviously the most simple modes1 and the ones most ready at hand4 ,they require no exalted or unusual qualities on the part of father or mother1 unless1 indeed1 we consider gentleness1 combined with firmness and good sense1 as an assemblage of rare and exalted qualities4 ,to assign1 and firmly and uniformly to enforce1 just but gentle penalties for disobedience1 and to recognize1 and sometimes reward1 special acts of obedience and submission1 are measures fully within the reach of every parent1 however humble may be the condition of his intelligence or his attainments of knowledge4 ,another ,class of ,influences4 ,there is1 however1 another class of influences to be adopted1 not as a substitute for these simple measures1 but in connection and co-operation with them1 which will be far more deep1 powerful1 and permanent in their results1 though they require much higher qualities in the parent for carrying them successfully into effect4 ,this higher method consists in a systematic effort to develop in the mind of the child a love of the principle of obedience1 by express and appropriate training4 ,parents not aware of the ,extent of their ,responsibility4 ,many parents1 perhaps indeed nearly all1 seem1 as we have already shown1 to act as if they considered the duty of obedience on the part of their children as a matter of course4 ,they do not expect their children to read or to write without being taught2 they do not expect a dog to fetch and carry1 or a horse to draw and to understand commands and signals1 without being trained4 ,in all these cases they perceive the necessity of training and instruction1 and understand that the initiative is with them4 ,if a horse1 endowed by nature with average good qualities1 does not work well1 the fault is attributed at once to the man who undertook to train him4 ,but what mother1 when her child1 grown large and strong1 becomes the trial and sorrow of her life by his ungovernable disobedience and insubordination1 takes the blame to herself in reflecting that he was placed in her hands when all the powers and faculties of his soul were in embryo1 tender1 pliant1 and unresisting1 to be formed and fashioned at her will8 ,the ,spirit of filial ,obedience not ,instinctive4 ,children1 as has already been remarked1 do not require to be taught and trained to eat and drink1 to resent injuries1 to cling to their possessions1 or to run to their mother in danger or pain4 ,they have natural instincts which provide for all these things4 ,but to speak1 to read1 to write1 and to calculate2 to tell the truth1 and to obey their parents2 to forgive injuries1 to face bravely fancied dangers and bear patiently unavoidable pain1 are attainments for which no natural instincts can adequately provide4 ,there are instincts that will aid in the work1 but none that can of themselves be relied upon without instruction and training4 ,in actual fact1 children usually receive their instruction and training in respect to some of these things incidentally--as it happens--by the rough knocks and frictions1 and various painful experiences which they encounter in the early years of life4 ,in respect to others1 the guidance and aid afforded them is more direct and systematic4 ,unfortunately the establishment in their minds of the principle of obedience comes ordinarily under the former category4 ,no systematic and appropriate efforts are made by the parent to implant it4 ,it is left to the uncertain and fitful influences of accident--to remonstrances1 reproaches1 and injunctions called forth under sudden excitement in the various emergencies of domestic discipline1 and to other means1 vague1 capricious1 and uncertain1 and having no wise adaptedness to the attainment of the end in view4 ,requires appropriate ,training4 ,how much better and more successfully the object would be accomplished if the mother were to understand distinctly at the outset that the work of training her children to the habit of submission to her authority is a duty1 the responsibility of which devolves not upon her children1 but upon her2 that it is a duty1 moreover1 of the highest importance1 and one that demands careful consideration1 much forethought1 and the wise adaptation of means to the end4 ,methods4 ,the first thought of some parents may possibly be1 that they do not know of any other measures to take in order to teach their children submission to their authority1 than to reward them when they obey and punish them when they disobey4 ,to show that there are other methods1 we will consider a particular case4 ,mary1 a young lady of seventeen1 came to make a visit to her sister4 ,she soon perceived that her sister's children1 ,adolphus and ,lucia1 were entirely ungoverned4 ,their mother coaxed1 remonstrated1 advised1 gave reasons1 said ,i wouldn't do this1 or ,i wouldn't do that1--did every thing1 in fact1 except simply to command2 and the children1 consequently1 did pretty much what they pleased4 ,their mother wondered at their disobedience and insubordination1 and in cases where these faults resulted in special inconvenience for herself she bitterly reproached the children for their undutiful behavior4 ,but the reproaches produced no effect4 ,the first thing that ,i have to do1 said ,mary to herself1 in observing this state of things1 is to teach the children to obey--at least to obey me4 ,i will give them their first lesson at once4 ,mary makes a ,beginning4 ,so she proposed to them to go out with her into the garden and show her the flowers1 adding that if they would do so she would make each of them a bouquet4 ,she could make them some very pretty bouquets1 she said1 provided they would help her1 and would follow her directions and obey her implicitly while gathering and arranging the flowers4 ,this the children promised to do1 and ,mary went with them into the garden4 ,there1 as she passed about from border to border1 she gave them a great many different directions in respect to things which they were to do1 or which they were not to do4 ,she gathered flowers1 and gave some to one child1 and some to the other1 to be held and carried--with special instructions in respect to many details1 such as directing some flowers to be put together1 and others to be kept separate1 and specifying in what manner they were to be held or carried4 ,then she led them to a bower where there was a long seat1 and explained to them how they were to lay the flowers in order upon the seat1 and directed them to be very careful not to touch them after they were once laid down4 ,they were1 moreover1 to leave a place in the middle of the seat entirely clear4 ,they asked what that was for4 ,mary said that they would see by-and-by4 ,you must always do just as ,i say1 she added1 and perhaps ,i shall explain the reason afterwards1 or perhaps you will see what the reason is yourselves4 ,after going on in this way until a sufficient number and variety of flowers were collected1 ,mary took her seat in the vacant place which had been left1 and assigned the two portions of the seat upon which the flowers had been placed to the children1 giving each the charge of the flowers upon one portion1 with instructions to select and give to her such as she should call for4 ,from the flowers thus brought she formed two bouquets1 one for each of the children4 ,then she set them both at work to make bouquets for themselves1 giving them minute and special directions in regard to every step4 ,if her object had been to cultivate their taste and judgment1 then it would have been better to allow them to choose the flowers and determine the arrangement for themselves2 but she was teaching them obedience1 or1 rather1 beginning to form in them the habit of obedience2 and so1 the more numerous and minute the commands the better1 provided that they were not in them selves unreasonable1 nor so numerous and minute as to be vexatious1 so as to incur any serious danger of their not being readily and good-humoredly obeyed4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,lesson ,,in ,,obedience4 ,,the ,,art ,,of ,,training4 #aja ,when the bouquets were finished ,mary gave the children1 severally1 the two which had been made for them2 and the two which they had made for themselves she took into the house and placed them in glasses upon the parlor mantel-piece1 and then stood back with the children in the middle of the room to admire them4 ,see how pretty they look6 ,and how nicely the work went on while we were making them6 ,that was because you obeyed me so well while we were doing it4 ,you did exactly as ,i said in every thing4 ,a ,beginning only4 ,now this was an excellent first lesson in training the children to the habit of obedience4 ,it is true that it was only a first lesson4 ,it was a beginning1 but it was a very good beginning4 ,if1 on the following day1 ,mary had given the children a command which it would be irksome to them to obey1 or one which would have called for any special sacrifice or self-denial on their part1 they would have disregarded it4 ,still they would have been a little less inclined to disregard it than if they had not received their first lesson2 and there can be no doubt that if ,mary were to continue her training in the same spirit in which she commenced it she would1 before many weeks1 acquire a complete ascendency over them1 and make them entirely submissive to her will4 ,and yet this is a species of training the efficacy of which depends on influences in which the hope of reward or the fear of punishment does not enter4 ,the bouquets were not promised to the children at the outset1 nor were they given to them at last as rewards4 ,it is true that they saw the advantages resulting from due subordination of the inferiors to the superior in concerted action1 and at the end they felt a satisfaction in having acted right2 but these advantages did not come in the form of rewards4 ,the efficacy of the lesson depended on a different principle altogether4 ,the ,philosophy of it4 ,the philosophy of it was this3 ,mary1 knowing that the principle of obedience in the children was extremely weak1 and that it could not stand any serious test1 contrived to bring it into exercise a great many times under the lightest possible pressure4 ,she called upon them to do a great many different things1 each of which was very easy to do1 and gave them many little prohibitions which it required a very slight effort of self-denial on their part to regard2 and she connected agreeable associations in their minds with the idea of submission to authority1 through the interest which she knew they would feel in seeing the work of gathering the flowers and making the bouquets go systematically and prosperously on1 and through the commendation of their conduct which she expressed at the end4 ,such persons as ,mary do not analyze distinctly1 in their thoughts1 nor could they express in words1 the principles which underlie their management2 but they have an instinctive mental perception of the adaptation of such means to the end in view4 ,other people1 who observe how easily and quietly they seem to obtain an ascendency over all children coming within their influence1 and how absolute this ascendency often becomes1 are frequently surprised at it4 ,they think there is some mystery about it2 they say it is a knack that some people have2 but there is no mystery about it at all1 and nothing unusual or strange1 except so far as practical good sense1 considerate judgment1 and intelligent observation and appreciation of the characteristics of childhood are unusual and strange4 ,mary was aware that1 although the principle of obedience is seldom or never entirely obliterated from the hearts of children--that is1 that the impression upon their minds1 which1 though it may not be absolutely instinctive1 is very early acquired1 that it is incumbent on them to obey those set in authority over them1 is seldom wholly effaced1 the sentiment had become extremely feeble in the minds of ,adolphus and ,lucia2 and that it was like a frail and dying plant1 which required very delicate and careful nurture to quicken it to life and give it its normal health and vigor4 ,her management was precisely of this character4 ,it called the weak and feeble principle into gentle exercise1 without putting it to any severe test1 and thus commenced the formation of a habit of action4 ,any one will see that a course of training on these principles1 patiently and perseveringly continued for the proper time1 could not fail of securing the desired end1 except in cases of children characterized by unusual and entirely abnormal perversity4 ,we can not here follow in detail the various modes in which such a manager as ,mary would adapt her principle to the changing incidents of each day1 and to the different stages of progress made by her pupils in learning to obey1 but can only enumerate certain points worthy of the attention of parents who may feel desirous to undertake such a work of training4 ,three practical ,directions4 #a4 ,relinquish entirely the idea of expecting children to be spontaneously docile and obedient1 and the practice of scolding or punishing them vindictively when they are not so4 ,instead of so doing1 understand that docility and obedience on their part is to be the result of wise1 careful1 and persevering1 though gentle training on the part of the parent4 #b4 ,if the children have already formed habits of disobedience and insubordination1 do not expect that the desirable change can be effected by sudden1 spasmodic1 and violent efforts1 accompanied by denunciations and threats1 and declarations that you are going to turn over a new leaf4 ,the attempt to change perverted tendencies in children by such means is like trying to straighten a bend in the stem of a growing tree by blows with a hammer4 #c4 ,instead of this1 begin without saying at all what you are going to do1 or finding any fault with the past1 and1 with a distinct recognition of the fact that whatever is bad in the native tendencies of your children's minds is probably inherited from their parents1 and1 perhaps1 specially from yourself1 and that whatever is wrong in their habits of action is certainly the result of bad training1 proceed cautiously and gently1 but perseveringly and firmly1 in bringing the bent stem gradually up to the right position4 ,in doing this1 there is no amount of ingenuity and skill1 however great1 that may not be usefully employed2 nor is there1 on the other hand1 except in very rare and exceptional cases1 any parent who has an allotment so small as not to be sufficient to accomplish the end1 if conscientiously and faithfully employed4 ,,chapter ,,viii4 ,,methods ,,exemplified4 ,in order to give a more clear idea of what ,i mean by forming habits of obedience in children by methods other than those connected with a system of rewards and punishments1 ,i will specify some such methods1 introducing them1 however1 only as illustrations of what is intended4 ,for1 while in respect to rewards and punishments something like special and definite rules and directions may be given1 these other methods1 as they depend on the tact1 ingenuity1 and inventive powers of the parents for their success1 depend also in great measure upon these same qualities for the discovery of them4 ,the only help that can be received from without must consist of suggestions and illustrations1 which can only serve to communicate to the mind some general ideas in respect to them4 ,recognizing the ,right4 #a4 ,a very excellent effect is produced in forming habits of obedience in children1 by simply noticing their good conduct when they do right1 and letting them see that you notice it4 ,when children are at play upon the carpet1 and their mother from time to time calls one of them--,mary1 we will say--to come to her to render some little service1 it is very often the case that she is accustomed1 when ,mary obeys the call at once1 leaving her play immediately and coming directly1 to say nothing about the prompt obedience1 but to treat it as a matter of course4 ,it is only in the cases of failure that she seems to notice the action4 ,when ,mary1 greatly interested in what for the moment she is doing1 delays her coming1 she says1 ,you ought to come at once1 ,mary1 when ,i call you1 and not make me wait in this way4 ,in the cases when ,mary did come at once1 she had said nothing4 ,mary goes back to her play after the reproof1 a little disturbed in mind1 at any rate1 and perhaps considerably out of humor4 ,now ,mary may1 perhaps1 be in time induced to obey more promptly under this management1 but she will have no heart in making the improvement1 and she will advance reluctantly and slowly1 if at all4 ,but if1 at the first time that she comes promptly1 and then1 after doing the errand1 is ready to go back to her play1 her mother says1 ,you left your play and came at once when ,i called you4 ,that was right4 ,it pleases me very much to find that ,i can depend upon your being so prompt1 even when you are at play1 ,mary will go back to her play pleased and happy2 and the tendency of the incident will be to cause her to feel a spontaneous and cordial interest in the principle of prompt obedience in time to come4 ,johnny is taking a walk through the fields with his mother4 ,he sees a butterfly and sets off in chase of it4 ,when he has gone away from the path among the rocks and bushes as far as his mother thinks is safe1 she calls him to come back4 ,in many cases1 if the boy does not come at once in obedience to such a call1 he would perhaps receive a scolding4 ,if he does come back at once1 nothing is said4 ,in either case no decided effect would be produced upon him4 ,but if his mother says1 ,johnny1 you obeyed me at once when ,i called you4 ,it must be hard1 when you are after a butterfly and think you have almost caught him1 to stop immediately and come back to your mother when she calls you2 but you did it1 ,johnny will be led by this treatment to feel a desire to come back more promptly still the next time4 ,a ,caution4 ,of course there is an endless variety of ways by which you can show your children that you notice and appreciate the efforts they make to do right4 ,doubtless there is a danger to be guarded against4 ,to adopt the practice of noticing and commending what is right1 and paying no attention whatever to what is wrong1 would be a great perversion of this counsel4 ,there is a danger more insidious than this1 but still very serious and real1 of fostering a feeling of vanity and self-conceit by constant and inconsiderate praise4 ,these things must be guarded against2 and to secure the good aimed at1 and at the same time to avoid the evil1 requires the exercise of the tact and ingenuity which has before been referred to4 ,but with proper skill and proper care the habit of noticing and commending1 or even noticing alone1 when children do right1 and of even being more quick to notice and to be pleased with the right than to detect and be dissatisfied with the wrong1 will be found to be a very powerful means of training children in the right way4 ,children will act with a great deal more readiness and alacrity to preserve a good character which people already attribute to them1 than to relieve themselves of the opprobrium of a bad one with which they are charged4 ,in other words1 it is much easier to allure them to what is right than to drive them from what is wrong4 ,giving ,advice4 #b4 ,there is1 perhaps1 nothing more irksome to children than to listen to advice given to them in a direct and simple form1 and perhaps there is nothing that has less influence upon them in the formation of their characters than advice so given4 ,and there is good reason for this2 for either the advice must be general1 and of course more or less abstract1 when it is necessarily in a great measure lost upon them1 since their powers of generalization and abstraction are not yet developed2 or else1 if it is practical and particular at all1 it must be so with reference to their own daily experience in life--in which case it becomes more irksome still1 as they necessarily regard it as an indirect mode of fault-finding4 ,indeed1 this kind of advice is almost certain to assume the form of half-concealed fault-finding1 for the subject of the counsel given would be1 in almost all cases1 suggested by the errors1 or shortcomings1 or failures which had been recently observed in the conduct of the children4 ,the art1 then1 of giving to children general advice and instruction in respect to their conduct and behavior1 consists in making it definite and practical1 and at the same time contriving some way of divesting it entirely of all direct application to themselves in respect to their past conduct4 ,of course1 the more we make it practically applicable to them in respect to the future the better4 ,there are various ways of giving advice of this character4 ,it requires some ingenuity to invent them1 and some degree of tact and skill to apply them successfully4 ,but the necessary tact and skill would be easily acquired by any mother whose heart is really set upon finding gentle modes of leading her child into the path of duty4 ,james and his ,cousins4 ,james1 going to spend one of his college vacations at his uncle's1 was taken by his two cousins1 ,walter and ,ann--eight and six years old--into their room4 ,the room was all in confusion4 ,there was a set of book-shelves upon one side1 the books upon them lying tumbled about in all directions4 ,there was a case containing playthings in another place1 the playthings broken and in disorder2 and two tables1 one against the wall1 and the other in the middle of the room1 both covered with litter4 ,now if ,james had commenced his conversation by giving the children a lecture on the disorder of their room1 and on the duty1 on their part1 of taking better care of their things1 the chief effect would very probably have been simply to prevent their wishing to have him come to their room again4 ,but ,james managed the case differently4 ,after going about the room for a few minutes with the children1 and looking with them at their various treasures1 and admiring what they seemed to admire1 but without finding any fault1 he sat down before the fire and took the children upon his lap--one upon each knee--and began to talk to them4 ,ann had one of her picture-books in her hand1 some of the leaves torn1 and the rest defaced with dog's-ears4 ,now1 ,walter1 said ,james1 ,i'm going to give you some advice4 ,i am going to advise you what to do and how to act when you go to college4 ,by-and-by you will grow to be a young man1 and will then1 perhaps1 go to college4 ,the idea of growing to be a young man and going to college was very pleasing to ,walter's imagination1 and brought his mind into what may be called a receptive condition--that is1 into a state to receive readily1 and entertain with favor1 the thoughts which ,james was prepared to present4 ,james then went on to draw a very agreeable picture of ,walter's leaving home and going to college1 with many details calculated to be pleasing to his cousin's fancy1 and came at length to his room1 and to the circumstances under which he would take possession of it4 ,then he told him of the condition in which different scholars kept their respective rooms--how some were always in disorder1 and every thing in them topsy-turvy1 so that they had no pleasant or home-like aspect at all2 while in others every thing was well arranged1 and kept continually in that condition1 so as to give the whole room1 to every one who entered it1 a very charming appearance4 ,the books on their shelves were all properly arranged1 he said1 all standing up in order--those of a like size together4 ,jump down1 ,ann1 and go to your shelves1 and arrange the books on the middle shelf in that way1 to show him what ,i mean4 ,ann jumped down1 and ran with great alacrity to arrange the books according to the directions4 ,when she had arranged one shelf1 she was proceeding to do the same with the next1 but ,james said she need not do any more then4 ,she could arrange the others1 if she pleased1 at another time1 he said4 ,but come back now1 he added1 and hear the rest of the advice4 ,i advise you to keep your book-shelves in nice order at college1 he continued2 and so with your apparatus and your cabinet4 ,for at college1 you see1 you will perhaps have articles of philosophical apparatus1 and a cabinet of specimens1 instead of playthings4 ,i advise you1 if you should have such things1 to keep them all nicely arranged upon their shelves4 ,here ,james turned his chair a little1 so that he and the children could look towards the cabinet of playthings4 ,walter climbed down from his cousin's lap and ran off to that side of the room1 and there began hastily to arrange the playthings4 ,yes1 said ,james1 that is the way4 ,but never mind that now4 ,i think you will know how to arrange your philosophical instruments and your cabinet very nicely when you are in college2 and you can keep your playthings in order in your room here1 while you are a boy1 if you please4 ,but come back now and hear the rest of the advice4 ,so ,walter came back and took his place again upon ,james's knee4 ,and ,i advise you1 continued ,james1 to take good care of your books when you are in college4 ,it is pleasanter1 at the time1 to use books that are clean and nice1 and then1 besides1 you will like to take your college books with you1 after you leave college1 and keep them as long as you live1 as memorials of your early days1 and you will value them a great deal more if they are in good order4 ,here ,ann opened the book which was in her hand1 and began to fold back the dog's-ears and to smooth down the leaves4 ,the ,principle ,involved4 ,in a word1 by the simple expedient of shifting the time1 in the imagination of the children1 when the advice which he was giving them would come to its practical application1 he divested it of all appearance of fault-finding in respect to their present conduct1 and so secured not merely its ready admission1 but a cordial welcome for it1 in their minds4 ,any mother who sees and clearly apprehends the principle here illustrated1 and has ingenuity enough to avail herself of it1 will find an endless variety of modes by which she can make use of it1 to gain easy access to the hearts of her children1 for instructions and counsels which1 when they come in the form of fault-finding advice1 make no impression whatever4 ,expectations of ,results must be ,reasonable4 ,some persons1 however1 who read without much reflection1 and who do not clearly see the principle involved in the case above described1 and do not understand it as it is intended--that is1 as a single specimen or example of a mode of action capable of an endless variety of applications1 will perhaps say1 ,oh1 that was all very well4 ,james's talk was very good for the purpose of amusing the children for a few minutes while he was visiting them1 but it is idle to suppose that such a conversation could produce any permanent or even lasting impression upon them2 still less1 that it could work any effectual change in respect to their habits of order4 ,that is very true4 ,in the work of forming the hearts and minds of children it is line upon line1 and precept upon precept that is required2 and it can not be claimed that one such conversation as that of ,james is any thing more than one line4 ,but it certainly is that4 ,it would be as unreasonable to expect that one single lesson like that could effectually and completely accomplish the end in view1 as that one single watering of a plant will suffice to enable it to attain completely its growth1 and enable it to produce in perfection its fruits or its flowers4 ,but if a mother often clothes thus the advice or instruction which she has to give to her children in some imaginative guise like this1 advising them what to do when they are on a journey1 for example1 or when they are making a visit at the house of a friend in the country2 or1 in the case of a boy1 what she would counsel him to do in case he were a young man employed by a farmer to help him on his farm1 or a clerk in a store1 or a sea-captain in charge of a ship1 or a general commanding a force in the field2 or1 if a girl1 what dangers or what undesirable habits or actions she should avoid when travelling in ,europe1 or when1 as a young lady1 she joins in picnics or goes on excursions1 or attends concerts or evening parties1 or in any of the countless other situations which it is pleasant for young persons to picture to their minds1 introducing into all1 so far as her ingenuity and skill enable her to do it1 interesting incidents and details1 she will find that she is opening to herself an avenue to her children's hearts for the sound moral principles that she wishes to inculcate upon them1 which she can often employ easily1 pleasantly1 and very advantageously1 both to herself and to them4 ,when a child is sick1 it may be of little consequence whether the medicine which is required is agreeable or disagreeable to the taste4 ,but with moral remedies the case is different4 ,sometimes the whole efficiency of the treatment administered as a corrective for a moral disorder depends upon the readiness and willingness with which it is taken4 ,to make it disagreeable1 consequently1 in such cases1 is to neutralize the intended action of it--a result which the methods described in this chapter greatly tend to avoid4 ,,chapter ,,ix4 ,,della ,,and ,,the ,,dolls4 ,this book may1 perhaps1 sometimes fall into the hands of persons who have1 temporarily or otherwise1 the charge of young children without any absolute authority over them1 or any means1 or even any right1 to enforce their commands1 as was the case1 in fact1 with the older brothers or sister referred to in the preceding illustrations4 ,to such persons1 these indirect modes of training children in habits of subordination to their will1 or rather of yielding to their influence1 are specially useful4 ,such persons may be interested in the manner in which ,delia made use of the children's dolls as a means of guiding and governing their little mothers4 ,della4 ,della had a young sister named ,maria1 and a cousin whose name was ,jane4 ,jane used often to come to make ,maria a visit1 and when together the children were accustomed to spend a great deal of time in playing with their dolls4 ,besides dressing and undressing them1 and playing take them out to excursions and visits1 they used to talk with them a great deal1 and give them much useful and valuable information and instruction4 ,illustration3 ,,roundabout ,,instruction4 ,now ,delia contrived to obtain a great influence and ascendency over the minds of the children by means of these dolls4 ,she fell at once into the idea of the children in regard to them1 and treated them always as if they were real persons2 often speaking of them and to them1 in the presence of the other children1 in the most serious manner4 ,this not only pleased the children very much1 but enabled ,della1 under pretense of talking to the dolls1 to communicate a great deal of useful instruction to the children1 and sometimes to make very salutary and lasting impressions upon their minds4 ,lectures to the ,dolls4 ,for instance1 sometimes when ,jane was making ,maria a visit1 and the two children came into her room with their dolls in their arms1 she would speak to them as if they were real persons1 and then taking them in her hands would set them before her on her knee1 and give them a very grave lecture in respect to the proper behavior which they were to observe during the afternoon4 ,if ,delia had attempted to give precisely the same lecture to the children themselves1 they would very soon have become restless and uneasy1 and it would have made very little impression upon them4 ,but being addressed to the dolls1 they would be greatly interested in it1 and would listen with the utmost attention2 and there is no doubt that the counsels and instructions which she gave made a much stronger impression upon their minds than if they had been addressed directly to the children themselves4 ,to give an idea of these conversations ,i will report one of them in full4 ,how do you do1 my children8 she said1 on one such occasion4 ,i am very glad to see you4 ,how nice you look6 ,you have come1 ,andella 7,andella was the name of ,jane's doll71 to make ,rosalie a visit4 ,i am very glad4 ,you will have a very pleasant time1 ,i am sure2 because you never quarrel4 ,i observe that1 when you both wish for the same thing1 you don't quarrel for it and try to pull it away from one another2 but one waits like a lady until the other has done with it4 ,i expect you have been a very good girl1 ,andella1 since you were here last4 ,then1 turning to ,jane1 she asked1 in a somewhat altered tone1 ,has she been a good girl1 ,jane8 ,she has been a pretty good girl1 said ,jane1 but she has been sick4 ,ah6 said ,della in a tone of great concern1 and looking again at ,andella1 ,i heard that you had been sick4 ,i heard that you had an attack of ,aurora ,borealis1 or something like that4 ,and you don't look very well now4 ,you must take good care of yourself1 and if you don't feel well1 you must ask your mother to bring you in to me and ,i will give you a dose of my medicine--my aqua saccharina4 ,i know you always take your medicine like a little heroine when you are sick1 without making any difficulty or trouble at all4 ,aqua saccharina was the ,latin name which ,delia gave to a preparation of which she kept a supply in a small phial on her table1 ready to make-believe give to the dolls when they were sick4 ,maria and ,jane were very fond of playing that their dolls were sick and bringing them to ,della for medicine1 especially as ,della always recommended to them to taste the medicine themselves from a spoon first1 in order to set their children a good example of taking it well4 ,sometimes ,della would let the children take the phial away1 so as to have it always at hand in case the dolls should be taken suddenly worse4 ,but in such cases as this the attacks were usually so frequent1 and the mothers were obliged to do so much tasting to encourage the patients1 that the phial was soon brought back nearly or quite empty1 when ,delia used to replenish it by filling it nearly full of water1 and then pouring a sufficient quantity of the saccharine powder into the mouth of it from the sugar-bowl with a spoon4 ,nothing more was necessary except to shake up the mixture in order to facilitate the process of solution1 and the medicine was ready4 ,a ,medium of ,reproof4 ,delia was accustomed to use the dolls not only for the purpose of instruction1 but sometimes for reproof1 in many ingenious ways4 ,for instance1 one day the children had been playing upon the piazza with blocks and other playthings1 and finally had gone into the house1 leaving all the things on the floor of the piazza1 instead of putting them away in their places1 as they ought to have done4 ,they were now playing with their dolls in the parlor4 ,delia came to the parlor1 and with an air of great mystery beckoned the children aside1 and said to them1 in a whisper1 ,leave ,andella and ,rosalie here1 and don't say a word to them4 ,i want you to come with me4 ,there is a secret--something ,i would not have them know on any account4 ,so saying1 she led the way on tiptoe1 followed by the children out of the room1 and round by a circuitous route to the piazza4 ,there6 said she1 pointing to the playthings2 see6 all your playthings left out6 ,put them away quick before ,andella and ,rosalie see them4 ,i would not have them know that their mothers leave their playthings about in that way for any consideration4 ,they would think that they might do so too1 and that would make you a great deal of trouble4 ,you teach them1 ,i have no doubt1 that they must always put their playthings away1 and they must see that you set them a good example4 ,put these playthings all away quick1 and carefully1 and we will not let them know any thing about your leaving them out4 ,so the children went to work with great alacrity1 and put the playthings all away4 ,and this method of treating the case was much more effectual in making them disposed to avoid committing a similar fault another time than any direct rebukes or expressions of displeasure addressed personally to them would have been4 ,besides1 a scolding would have made them unhappy1 and this did not make them unhappy at all2 it amused and entertained them4 ,if you can lead children to cure themselves of their faults in such a way that they shall have a good time in doing it1 there is a double gain4 ,in due time1 by this kind of management1 and by other modes conceived and executed in the same spirit1 ,bella gained so great an ascendency over the children that they were far more ready to conform to her will1 and to obey all her directions1 than they would have been to submit to the most legitimate authority that was maintained1 as such authority too often is1 by fault-finding and threats1 and without any sympathy with the fancies and feelings which reign over the hearts of the children in the little world in which they live4 ,,chapter ,x4 ,,sympathy3--#a4 ,,the ,,child ,,with ,,the ,,parent4 ,the subject of sympathy between children and parents is to be considered in two aspects3 first1 that of the child with the parent2 and secondly1 that of the parent with the child4 ,that is to say1 an emotion may be awakened in the child by its existence and manifestation in the parent1 and secondly1 it may be awakened in the parent by its existence in the child4 ,we are all ready to acknowledge in words the great power and influence of sympathy1 but very few are aware how very vast this power is1 and how inconceivably great is the function which this principle fulfills in the formation of the human character1 and in regulating the conduct of men4 ,mysterious ,action of the ,principle of ,sympathy4 ,there is a great mystery in the nature of it1 and in the manner of its action4 ,this we see very clearly in the simplest and most striking material form of it--the act of gaping4 ,why and how does the witnessing of the act of gaping in one person1 or even the thought of it1 produce a tendency to the same action in the nerves and muscles of another person8 ,when we attempt to trace the chain of connection through the eye1 the brain1 and the thoughts--through which line of agencies the chain of cause and effect must necessarily run--we are lost and bewildered4 ,other states and conditions in which the mental element is more apparent are communicated from one to another in the same or1 at least1 in some analogous way4 ,being simply in the presence of one who is amused1 or happy1 or sad1 causes us to feel amused1 or happy1 or sad ourselves--or1 at least1 has that tendency--even if we do not know from what cause the emotion which is communicated to us proceeds4 ,a person of a joyous and happy disposition often brightens up at once any little circle into which he enters1 while a morose and melancholy man carries gloom with him wherever he goes4 ,eloquence1 which1 if we were to hear it addressed to us personally and individually1 in private conversation1 would move us very little1 will excite us to a pitch of the highest enthusiasm if we hear it in the midst of a vast audience2 even though the words1 and the gestures1 and the inflections of the voice1 and the force with which it reaches our ears1 were to be precisely the same in the two cases4 ,and so a joke1 which would produce only a quiet smile if we read it by ourselves at the fireside alone1 will evoke convulsions of laughter when heard in a crowded theatre1 where the hilarity is shared by thousands4 ,a new element1 indeed1 seems to come into action in these last two cases2 for the mental condition of one mind is not only communicated to another1 but it appears to be increased and intensified by the communication4 ,each does not feel merely the enthusiasm or the mirth which would naturally be felt by the other1 but the general emotion is vastly heightened by its being so largely shared4 ,it is like the case of the live coal1 which does not merely set the dead coal on fire by being placed in contact with it1 but the two together1 when together1 burn far more brightly than when apart4 ,wonderful ,power of ,sympathy4 ,so much for the reality of this principle2 and it is almost impossible to exaggerate the extent and the magnitude of the influence it exerts in forming the character and shaping the ideas and opinions of men1 and in regulating all their ordinary habits of thought and feeling4 ,people's opinions are not generally formed or controlled by arguments or reasonings1 as they fondly suppose4 ,they are imbibed by sympathy from those whom they like or love1 and who are1 or have been1 their associates4 ,thus people1 when they arrive at maturity1 adhere in the main to the associations1 both in religion and in politics1 in which they have been brought up1 from the influence of sympathy with those whom they love4 ,they believe in this or that doctrine or system1 not because they have been convinced by proof1 but chiefly because those whom they love believe in them4 ,on religious questions the arguments are presented to them1 it is true1 while they are young1 in catechisms and in other forms of religious instruction1 and in politics by the conversations which they overhear2 but it is a mistake to suppose that arguments thus offered have any material effect as processes of ratiocination in producing any logical conviction upon their minds4 ,an ,english boy is ,whig or ,tory because his father1 and his brothers1 and his uncles are ,whigs or ,tories4 ,he may1 indeed1 have many arguments at his command with which to maintain his opinions1 but it is not the force of the arguments that has convinced him1 nor do they have any force as a means of convincing the other boys to whom he offers them4 ,they are controlled by their sympathies1 as he is by his4 ,but if he is a popular boy1 and makes himself a favorite among his companions1 the very fact that he is of this or that party will have more effect upon the other boys than the most logical and conclusive trains of reasoning that can be conceived4 ,so it is with the religious and political differences in this and in every other country4 ,every one's opinions--or rather the opinion of people in general1 for of course there are many individual exceptions--are formed from sympathy with those with whom in mind and heart they have been in friendly communication during their years of childhood and youth4 ,and even in those cases where persons change their religious opinions in adult age1 the explanation of the mystery is generally to be found1 not in seeking for the argument that convinced them1 but for the person that led them1 in the accomplishment of the change4 ,for such changes can very often1 and perhaps generally1 be traced to some person or persons whose influence over them1 if carefully scrutinized1 would be found to consist really not in the force of the arguments they offered1 but in the magic power of a silent and perhaps unconscious sympathy4 ,the way1 therefore1 to convert people to our ideas and opinions is to make them like us or love us1 and then to avoid arguing with them1 but simply let them perceive what our ideas and opinions are4 ,the well-known proverb1 ,example is better than precept1 is only another form of expressing the predominating power of sympathy2 for example can have little influence except so far as a sympathetic feeling in the observer leads him to imitate it4 ,so that1 example is better than precept means only that sympathy has more influence in the human heart than reasoning4 ,the ,power of ,sympathy in ,childhood4 ,this principle1 so powerful at every period of life1 is at its maximum in childhood4 ,it is the origin1 in a very great degree1 of the spirit of imitation which forms so remarkable a characteristic of the first years of life4 ,the child's thoughts and feelings being spontaneously drawn into harmony with the thoughts and feelings of those around him whom he loves1 leads1 of course1 to a reproduction of their actions1 and the prevalence and universality of the effect shows how constant and how powerful is the cause4 ,so the great secret of success for a mother1 in the formation of the character of her children1 is to make her children respect and love her1 and then simply to be herself what she wishes them to be4 ,and to make them respect and love her1 is to control them by a firm government where control is required1 and to indulge them almost without limit where indulgence will do no harm4 ,special ,application of the ,principle4 ,but besides this general effect of the principle of sympathy in aiding parents in forming the minds and hearts of their children1 there are a great many cases in which a father or mother who understands the secret of its wonderful and almost magic power can avail themselves of it to produce special effects4 ,one or two examples will show more clearly what ,i mean4 ,william's aunt ,maria came to pay his mother a visit in the village where ,william's mother lived4 ,on the same day she went to take a walk with ,william--who is about nine years old--to see the village4 ,as they went along together upon the sidewalk1 they came to two small boys who were trying to fly a kite4 ,one of the boys was standing upon the sidewalk1 embarrassed a little by some entanglement of the string4 ,here1 you fellow6 said ,william1 as he and his aunt approached the spot1 get out of the way with your kite1 and let us go by4 ,the boy hurried out of the way1 and1 in so doing1 got his kite-string more entangled still in the branches of a tree which grew at the margin of the sidewalk4 ,now ,william's aunt might have taken the occasion1 as she and her nephew walked along1 to give him some kind and friendly instruction or counsel about the duty of being kind to every body in any difficulty1 trouble1 or perplexity1 whether they are young or old2 showing him how we increase the general sum of happiness in so doing1 and how we feel happier ourselves when we have done good to any one1 than when we have increased in any way1 or even slighted or disregarded1 their troubles4 ,how ,william would receive such a lecture would depend a great deal upon his disposition and state of mind4 ,but in most cases such counsels1 given at such a time1 involving1 as they would1 some covert though very gentle censure1 would cause the heart of the boy to close itself in a greater or less degree against them1 like the leaves of a sensitive-plant shrinking from the touch4 ,the reply would very probably be1 ,well1 he had no business to be on the sidewalk1 right in our way4 ,william and his aunt walked on a few steps4 ,his aunt then stopped1 hesitatingly1 and said1 ,how would it do to go back and help that boy disentangle his kite-string8 ,he's a little fellow1 and does not know so much about kites and kite-strings as you do4 ,here the suggestion of giving help to perplexity and distress came associated with a compliment instead of what implied censure1 and the leaves of the sensitive-plant expanded at once1 and widely1 to the genial influence4 ,yes1 said ,william2 let's go4 ,so his aunt turned and went back a step or two1 and then said1 ,you can go and do it without me4 ,i'll wait here till you come back4 ,i don't suppose you want any help from me4 ,if you do1 ,i'll come4 ,no1 aid ,william1 ,i can do it alone4 ,so ,william ran on with great alacrity to help the boys clear the string1 and then came back with a beaming face to his aunt1 and they walked on4 ,william's aunt made no further allusion to the affair until the end of the walk1 and then1 on entering the gate1 she said1 ,we have had a very pleasant walk1 and you have taken very good care of me4 ,and ,i am glad we helped those boys out of their trouble with the kite4 ,so am ,i1 said ,william4 ,analysis of the ,incident4 ,now it is possible that some one may say that ,william was wrong in his harsh treatment of the boys1 or at least in his want of consideration for their perplexity2 and that his aunt1 by her mode of treating the case1 covered up the wrong1 when it ought to have been brought distinctly to view and openly amended4 ,but when we come to analyze the case1 we shall find that it is not at all certain that there was any thing wrong on ,william's part in the transaction1 so far as the state of his heart1 in a moral point of view1 is concerned4 ,all such incidents are very complicated in their nature1 and in their bearings and relations4 ,they present many aspects which vary according to the point of view from which they are regarded4 ,even grown people do not always see all the different aspects of an affair in respect to which they are called upon to act or to form an opinion1 and children1 perhaps1 never2 and in judging their conduct1 we must always consider the aspect in which the action is presented to their minds4 ,in this case1 ,william was thinking only of his aunt4 ,he wished to make her walk convenient and agreeable to her4 ,the boy disentangling his string on the sidewalk was to him1 at that time1 simply an obstacle in his aunt's way1 and he dealt with it as such1 sending the boy off as an act of kindness and attention to his aunt solely4 ,the idea of a sentient being suffering distress which he might either increase by harshness or relieve by help was not present in his mind at all4 ,we may say that he ought to have thought of this4 ,but a youthful mind1 still imperfect in its development1 can not be expected to take cognizance at once of all the aspects of a transaction which tends in different directions to different results4 ,it is true1 that he ought to have thought of the distress of the boys1 if we mean that he ought to be taught or trained to think of such distress when he witnessed it2 and that was exactly what his aunt was endeavoring to do4 ,we ourselves have learned1 by long experience of life1 to perceive at once the many different aspects which an affair may present1 and the many different results which may flow in various directions from the same action2 and we often inconsiderately blame children1 simply because their minds are yet so imperfectly developed that they can not take simultaneous cognizance of more than one or two of them4 ,this is the true philosophy of most of what is called heedlessness in children1 and for which1 poor things1 they receive so many harsh reprimands and so much punishment4 ,a little girl1 for example1 undertakes to water her sister's plants4 ,in her praiseworthy desire to do her work well and thoroughly1 she fills the mug too full1 and spills the water upon some books that are lying upon the table4 ,the explanation of the misfortune is simply that her mind was filled1 completely filled1 with the thoughts of helping her sister4 ,the thought of the possibility of spilling the water did not come into it at all4 ,there was no room for it while the other thought1 so engrossing1 was there2 and to say that she ought to have thought of both the results which might follow her action1 is only to say that she ought to be older4 ,sympathy as the ,origin of childish ,fears4 ,the power of sympathy in the mind of a child--that is1 its tendency to imbibe the opinions or sentiments manifested by others in their presence--may be made very effectual1 not only in inculcating principles of right and wrong1 but in relation to every other idea or emotion4 ,children are afraid of thunder and lightning1 or of robbers at night1 or of ghosts1 because they perceive that their parents1 or older brothers or sisters1 are afraid of them4 ,where the parents do not believe in ghosts1 the children are not afraid of them2 unless1 indeed1 there are domestics in the house1 or playmates at school1 or other companions from whom they take the contagion4 ,so1 what they see that their parents value they prize themselves4 ,they imbibe from their playmates at school a very large proportion of their tastes1 their opinions1 and their ideas1 not through arguments or reasoning1 but from sympathy2 and most of the wrong or foolish notions of any kind that they have acquired have not been established in their minds by false reasoning1 but have been taken by sympathy1 as a disease is communicated by infection2 and the remedy is in most cases1 not reasoning1 but a countervailing sympathy4 ,afraid of a ,kitten4 ,little ,jane was very much afraid of a kitten which her brother brought home--the first that she had known4 ,she had1 however1 seen a picture of a tiger or some other feline animal devouring a man in a forest1 and had been frightened by it2 and she had heard too1 perhaps1 of children being scratched by cats or kittens4 ,so1 when the kitten was brought in and put down on the floor1 she ran to her sister in great terror1 and began to cry4 ,now her sister might have attempted to reason with her by explaining the difference between the kitten and the wild animals of the same class in the woods1 and by assuring her that thousands of children have kittens to play with and are never scratched by them so long as they treat them kindly--and all without producing any sensible effect4 ,but1 instead of this1 she adopted a different plan4 ,she took the child up into her lap1 and after quieting her fears1 began to talk to the kitten4 ,poor little pussy1 said she1 ,i am glad you have come4 ,you never scratch any body1 ,i am sure1 if they are kind to you4 ,jennie will give you some milk some day1 and she and ,i will like to see you lap it up with your pretty little tongue4 ,and we will give you a ball to play with some day upon the carpet4 ,see1 ,jennie1 see6 ,she is going to lie down upon the rug4 ,she is glad that she has come to such a nice home4 ,now she is putting her head down1 but she has not any pillow to lay it upon4 ,wouldn't you like a pillow1 kitty8 ,jennie will make you a pillow some day1 ,i am sure1 if you would like one4 ,jennie is beginning to learn to sew1 and she could make you a nice pillow1 and stuff it with cotton wool4 ,then we can see you lying down upon the rug1 with the pillow under your head that ,jennie will have made for you--all comfortable4 ,such a talk as this1 though it could not be expected entirely and at once to dispel ,jennie's unfounded fears1 would be far more effectual towards beginning the desired change than any arguments or reasoning could possibly be4 ,any mother who will reflect upon the principle here explained will at once recall to mind many examples and illustrations of its power over the hearts and minds of children which her own experience has afforded4 ,and if she begins practically and systematically to appeal to it1 she will find herself in possession of a new element of power--new1 at least1 to her realization--the exercise of which will be as easy and agreeable to herself as it will be effective in its influence over her children4 ,,chapter ,,xi4 ,,sympathy3--,,ii4 ,,the ,,parent ,,with ,,the ,,child4 ,i think there can be no doubt that the most effectual way of securing the confidence and love of children1 and of acquiring an ascendency over them1 is by sympathizing with them in their child-like hopes and fears1 and joys and sorrows--in their ideas1 their fancies1 and even in their caprices1 in all cases where duty is not concerned4 ,indeed1 the more child-like1 that is1 the more peculiar to the children themselves1 the feelings are that we enter into with them1 the closer is the bond of kindness and affection that is formed4 ,an ,example4 ,if a gentleman coming to reside in a new town concludes that it is desirable that he should be on good terms with the boys in the streets1 there are various ways by which he can seek to accomplish the end4 ,fortunately for him1 the simplest and easiest mode is the most effectual4 ,on going into the village one day1 we will suppose he sees two small boys playing horse4 ,one boy is horse1 and the other driver4 ,as they draw near1 they check the play a little1 to be more decorous in passing by the stranger4 ,he stops to look at them with a pleased expression of countenance1 and then says1 addressing the driver1 with a face of much seriousness1 ,that's a first-rate horse of yours4 ,would you like to sell him8 ,he seems to be very spirited4 ,the horse immediately begins to prance and caper4 ,you must have paid a high price for him4 ,you must take good care of him4 ,give him plenty of oats1 and don't drive him hard when it is hot weather4 ,and if ever you conclude to sell him1 ,i wish you would let me know4 ,so saying1 the gentleman walks on1 and the horse1 followed by his driver1 goes galloping forward in high glee4 ,now1 by simply manifesting thus a fellow-feeling with the boys in their childish play1 the stranger not only gives a fresh impulse to their enjoyment at the time1 but establishes a friendly relationship between them and him which1 without his doing any thing to strengthen or perpetuate it1 will of itself endure for a long time4 ,if he does not speak to the boys again for months1 every time they meet him they will be ready to greet him with a smile4 ,the incident will go much farther towards establishing friendly relations between him and them than any presents that he could make them--except so far as his presents were of such a kind1 and were given in such a way1 as to be expressions of kindly feeling towards them--that is to say1 such as to constitute of themselves a manifestation of sympathy4 ,the uncle who gives his nephews and nieces presents1 let them be ever so costly or beautiful1 and takes no interest in their affairs1 never inspires them with any feeling of personal affection4 ,they like him as they like the apple-tree which bears them sweet and juicy apples1 or the cow that gives them milk--which is on their part a very different sentiment from that which they feel for the kitten that plays with them and shares their joys--or even for their dolls1 which are only pictured in their imagination as sharing them4 ,sophronia and ,aurelia4 ,miss ,sophronia calls at a house to make a visit4 ,a child of seven or eight years of age is playing upon the floor4 ,after a little time1 at a pause in the conversation1 she calls the child--addressing her as ,my little girl--to come to her4 ,the child--a shade being cast over her mind by being thus unnecessarily reminded of her littleness--hesitates to come4 ,the mother says1 ,come and shake hands with the lady1 my dear6 ,the child comes reluctantly4 ,miss ,sophronia asks what her name is1 how old she is1 whether she goes to school1 what she studies there1 and whether she likes to go to school1 and at length releases her4 ,the child1 only too glad to be free from such a tiresome visitor1 goes back to her play1 and afterwards the only ideas she has associated with the person of her visitor are those relating to her school and her lessons1 which may or may not be of an agreeable character4 ,presently1 after ,miss ,sophronia has gone1 ,miss ,aurelia comes in4 ,after some conversation with the mother1 she goes to see what the child is building with her blocks4 ,after looking on for a moment with an expression of interest in her countenance1 she asks her if she has a doll4 ,the child says she has four4 ,miss ,aurelia then asks which she likes best1 and expresses a desire to see that one4 ,the child1 much pleased1 runs away to bring it1 and presently comes back with all four4 ,miss ,aurelia takes them in her hands1 examines them1 talks about them1 and talks to them2 and when at last the child goes back to her play1 she goes with the feeling in her heart that she has found a new friend4 ,thus1 to bring ourselves near to the hearts of children1 we must go to them by entering into their world4 ,they can not come to us by entering ours4 ,they have no experience of it1 and can not understand it4 ,but we have had experience of theirs1 and can enter it if we choose2 and in that way we bring ourselves very near to them4 ,sympathy must be ,sincere4 ,but the sympathy which we thus express with children1 in order to be effectual1 must be sincere and genuine1 and not pretended4 ,we must renew our own childish ideas and imaginations1 and become for the moment1 in feeling1 one with them1 so that the interest which we express in what they are saying or doing may be real1 and not merely assumed4 ,they seem to have a natural instinct to distinguish between an honest and actual sharing of their thoughts and emotions1 and all mere condescension and pretense1 however adroitly it may be disguised4 ,want of ,time4 ,some mothers may perhaps say that they have not time thus to enter into the ideas and occupations of their children4 ,they are engrossed with the serious cares of life1 or busy with its various occupations4 ,but it does not require time4 ,it is not a question of time1 but of manner4 ,the farmer's wife1 for example1 is busy ironing1 or sewing1 or preparing breakfast for her husband and sons1 who are expected every moment to come in hungry from their work4 ,her little daughter1 ten years old1 comes to show her a shawl she has been making from a piece of calico for her doll4 ,the busy mother thinks she must say1 ,yes2 but run away now1 ,mary2 ,i am very busy6--because that is the easiest and quickest thing to say2 but it is just as easy and just as quick to say1 ,what a pretty shawl6 ,play now that you are going to take ,minette out for a walk in it6 ,the one mode sends the child away repulsed and a little disappointed2 the other pleases her and makes her happy1 and tends1 moreover1 to form a new bond of union and sympathy between her mother's heart and her own4 ,a merchant1 engrossed all day in his business1 comes home to his house at dinner-time1 and meets his boy of fifteen on the steps returning from his school4 ,well1 ,james1 he says1 as they walk together up stairs1 ,i hope you have been a good boy at school to-day4 ,james1 not knowing what to say1 makes some inaudible or unmeaning reply4 ,his father then goes on to say that he hopes his boy will be diligent and attentive to his studies1 and improve his time well1 as his future success in life will depend upon the use which he makes of his advantages while he is young2 and then leaves him at the head of the stairs1 each to go to his room4 ,all this is very well4 ,advice given under such circumstances and in such a way produces1 undoubtedly1 a certain good effect1 but it does not tend at all to bring the father and son together4 ,but if1 instead of giving this common-place advice1 the father asks--supposing it to be winter at the time--,which kind of skates are the most popular among the boys nowadays1 ,james8 ,then1 after hearing his reply1 he asks him what his opinion is1 and whether any great improvement has been made within a short time1 and whether the patent inventions are any of them of much consequence4 ,the tendency of such a conversation as this1 equally brief with the other1 will be to draw the father and son more together4 ,even in a moral point of view1 the influence would be1 indirectly1 very salutary2 for although no moral counsel or instruction was given at the time1 the effect of such a participation in the thoughts with which the boy's mind is occupied is to strengthen the bond of union between the heart of the boy and that of his father1 and thus to make the boy far more ready to receive and be guided by the advice or admonitions of his father on other occasions4 ,let no one suppose1 from these illustrations1 that they are intended to inculcate the idea that a father is to lay aside the parental counsels and instructions that he has been accustomed to give to his children1 and replace them by talks about skates6 ,they are only intended to show one aspect of the difference of effect produced by the two kinds of conversation1 and that the father1 if he wishes to gain and retain an influence over the hearts of his boys1 must descend sometimes into the world in which they live1 and with which their thoughts are occupied1 and must enter it1 not merely as a spectator1 or a fault-finder1 or a counsellor1 but as a sharer1 to some extent1 in the ideas and feelings which are appropriate to it4 ,ascendency over the ,minds of ,children4 ,sympathizing with children in their own pleasures and enjoyments1 however childish they may seem to us when we do not regard them1 as it were1 with children's eyes1 is1 perhaps1 the most powerful of all the means at our command for gaining a powerful ascendency over them4 ,this will lead us not to interfere with their own plans and ideas1 but to be willing that they should be happy in their own way4 ,in respect to their duties1 those connected1 for example1 with their studies1 their serious employments1 and their compliance with directions of any kind emanating from superior authority1 of course their will must be under absolute subjection to that of those who are older and wiser than they4 ,in all such things they must bring their thoughts and actions into accord with ours4 ,in these things they must come to us1 not we to them4 ,but in every thing that relates to their child-like pleasures and joys1 their modes of recreation and amusement1 their playful explorations of the mysteries of things1 and the various novelties around them in the strange world into which they find themselves ushered--in all these things we must not attempt to bring them to us1 but must go to them4 ,in this1 their own sphere1 the more perfectly they are at liberty1 the better2 and if we join them in it at all1 we must do so by bringing our ideas and wishes into accord with theirs4 ,foolish ,fears4 ,the effect of our sympathy with children in winning their confidence and love1 is all the more powerful when it is exercised in cases where they are naturally inclined not to expect sympathy--that is1 in relation to feelings which they would suppose that older persons would be inclined to condemn4 ,perhaps the most striking example of this is in what is commonly called foolish fears4 ,now a fear is foolish or otherwise1 not according to the absolute facts involving the supposed danger1 but according to the means which the person in question has of knowing the facts4 ,a lady1 for example1 in passing along the sidewalk of a great city comes to a place where workmen are raising an immense and ponderous iron safe1 which1 slowly rising1 hangs suspended twenty feet above the walk4 ,she is afraid to pass under it4 ,the foreman1 however1 who is engaged in directing the operation1 passing freely to and fro under the impending weight1 as he has occasion1 and without the least concern1 smiles1 perhaps1 at the lady's foolish fears4 ,but the fears which might1 perhaps1 be foolish in him1 are not so in her1 since he knows the nature and the strength of the machinery and securities above1 and she does not4 ,she only knows that accidents do sometimes happen from want of due precaution in raising heavy weights1 and she does not know1 and has no means of knowing1 whether or not the due precautions have been taken in this case4 ,so she manifests good sense1 and not folly1 in going out of her way to avoid all possibility of danger4 ,this is really the proper explanation of a large class of what are usually termed foolish fears4 ,viewed in the light of the individual's knowledge of the facts in the case1 they are sensible fears1 and not foolish ones at all4 ,a girl of twelve1 from the city1 spending the summer in the country1 wishes to go down to the river to join her brothers there1 but is stopped by observing a cow in a field which she has to cross4 ,she comes back to the house1 and is there laughed at for her foolishness in being2 afraid of a cow6 ,but why should she not be afraid of a cow8 ,she has heard stories of people being gored by bulls1 and sometimes by cows1 and she has no means whatever of estimating the reality or the extent of the danger in any particular case4 ,the farmer's daughters1 however1 who laugh at her1 know the cow in question perfectly well4 ,they have milked her1 and fed her1 and tied her up to her manger a hundred times2 so1 while it would be a very foolish thing for them to be afraid to cross a field where the cow was feeding1 it is a very sensible thing for the stranger-girl from the city to be so4 ,nor would it certainly change the case much for the child1 if the farmer's girls were to assure her that the cow was perfectly peaceable1 and that there was no danger2 for she does not know the girls any better than she does the cow1 and can not judge how far their statements or opinions are to be relied upon4 ,it may possibly not be the cow they think it is4 ,they are very positive1 it is true2 but very positive people are often mistaken4 ,besides1 the cow may be peaceable with them1 and yet be disposed to attack a stranger4 ,what a child requires in such a case is sympathy and help1 not ridicule4 ,illustration3 ,,afraid ,,of ,,the ,,cow4 ,this1 in the case supposed1 she meets in the form of the farmer's son1 a young man browned in face and plain in attire1 who comes along while she stands loitering at the fence looking at the cow1 and not daring after all1 notwithstanding the assurances she has received at the house1 to cross the field4 ,his name is ,joseph1 and he is a natural gentleman--a class of persons of whom a much larger number is found in this humble guise1 and a much smaller number in proportion among the fashionables in elegant life1 than is often supposed4 ,yes1 says ,joseph1 after hearing the child's statement of the case1 you are right4 ,cows are sometimes vicious1 ,i know2 and you are perfectly right to be on your guard against such as you do not know when you meet them in the country4 ,this one1 as it happens1 is very kind2 but still1 ,i will go through the field with you4 ,so he goes with her through the field1 stopping on the way to talk a little to the cow1 and to feed her with an apple which he has in his pocket4 ,it is in this spirit that the fears1 and antipathies1 and false imaginations of children are generally to be dealt with2 though1 of course1 there may be many exceptions to the general rule4 ,when ,children are in the ,wrong4 ,there is a certain sense in which we should feel a sympathy with children in the wrong that they do4 ,it would seem paradoxical to say that in any sense there should be sympathy with sin1 and yet there is a sense in which this is true1 though perhaps1 strictly speaking1 it is sympathy with the trial and temptation which led to the sin1 rather than with the act of transgression itself4 ,in whatever light a nice metaphysical analysis would lead us to regard it1 it is certain that the most successful efforts that have been made by philanthropists for reaching the hearts and reforming the conduct of criminals and malefactors have been prompted by a feeling of compassion for them1 not merely for the sorrows and sufferings which they have brought upon themselves by their wrongdoing1 but for the mental conflicts which they endured1 the fierce impulses of appetite and passion1 more or less connected with and dependent upon the material condition of the bodily organs1 under the onset of which their feeble moral sense1 never really brought into a condition of health and vigor1 was over-borne4 ,these merciful views of the diseased condition and action of the soul in the commission of crime are not only in themselves right views for man to take of the crimes and sins of his fellow-man1 but they lie at the foundation of all effort that can afford any serious hope of promoting reformation4 ,this principle is eminently true in its application to children4 ,they need the influence of a kind and considerate sympathy when they have done wrong1 more1 perhaps1 than at any other time2 and the effects of the proper manifestation of this sympathy on the part of the mother will1 perhaps1 be greater and more salutary in this case than in any other4 ,of course the sympathy must be of the right kind1 and must be expressed in the right way1 so as not to allow the tenderness or compassion for the wrong-doer to be mistaken for approval or justification of the wrong4 ,case supposed4 ,a boy1 for instance1 comes home from school in a state of great distress1 and perhaps of indignation and resentment1 on account of having been punished4 ,mothers sometimes say at once1 in such a case1 ,i don't pity you at all4 ,i have no doubt you deserved it4 ,this only increases the tumult of commotion in the boy's mind1 without at all tending to help him to feel a sense of his guilt4 ,his mind1 still imperfectly developed1 can not take cognizance simultaneously of all the parts and all the aspects of a complicated transaction4 ,the sense of his wrong-doing1 which forms in his teacher's and in his mother's mind so essential a part of the transaction1 is not present in his conceptions at all4 ,there is no room for it1 so totally engrossed are all his faculties with the stinging recollections of suffering1 the tumultuous emotions of anger and resentment1 and now with the additional thought that even his mother has taken part against him4 ,the mother's conception of the transaction is equally limited and imperfect1 though in a different way4 ,she thinks only that if she were to treat the child with kindness and sympathy1 she would be taking the part of a bad boy against his teacher2 whereas1 in reality1 she might do it in such a way as only to be taking the part of a suffering boy against his pain4 ,it would seem that the true and proper course for a mother to take with a child in such a case would be to soothe and calm his agitation1 and to listen1 if need be1 to his account of the affair1 without questioning or controverting it at all1 however plainly she may see that1 under the blinding and distorting influence of his excitement1 he is misrepresenting the facts4 ,let him tell his story4 ,listen to it patiently to the end4 ,it is not necessary to express or even to form an opinion on the merits of it4 ,the ready and willing hearing of one side of a case does not commit the tribunal to a decision in favor of that side4 ,on the other hand1 it is the only way to give weight and a sense of impartiality to a decision against it4 ,thus the mother may sympathize with her boy in his troubles1 appreciate fully the force of the circumstances which led him into the wrong1 and help to soothe and calm his agitation1 and thus take his part1 and place herself closely to him in respect to his suffering1 without committing herself at all in regard to the original cause of it2 and then1 at a subsequent time1 when the tumult of his soul has subsided1 she can1 if she thinks best1 far more easily and effectually lead him to see wherein he was wrong4 ,,chapter ,,xii4 ,,commendation ,,and ,,encouragement4 ,we are very apt to imagine that the disposition to do right is1 or ought to be1 the natural and normal condition of childhood1 and that doing wrong is something unnatural and exceptional with children4 ,as a consequence1 when they do right we think there is nothing to be said4 ,that is1 or ought to be1 a matter of course4 ,it is only when they do wrong that we notice their conduct1 and then1 of course1 with censure and reproaches4 ,thus our discipline consists mainly1 not in gently leading and encouraging them in the right way1 but in deterring them1 by fault-finding and punishment1 from going wrong4 ,now we ought not to forget that in respect to moral conduct as well as to mental attainments children know nothing when they come into the world1 but have every thing to learn1 either from the instructions or from the example of those around them4 ,we do not propose to enter at all into the consideration of the various theological and metaphysical theories held by different classes of philosophers in respect to the native constitution and original tendencies of the human soul1 but to look at the phenomena of mental and moral action in a plain and practical way1 as they present themselves to the observation of mothers in the every-day walks of life4 ,and in order the better to avoid any complication with these theories1 we will take first an extremely simple case1 namely1 the fault of making too much noise in opening and shutting the door in going in and out of a room4 ,georgie and ,charlie are two boys1 both about five years old1 and both prone to the same fault4 ,we will suppose that their mothers take opposite methods to correct them2 ,georgie's mother depending upon the influence of commendation and encouragement when he does right1 and ,charlie's1 upon the efficacy of reproaches and punishments when he does wrong4 ,one ,method4 ,georgie1 eager to ask his mother some question1 or to obtain some permission in respect to his play1 bursts into her room some morning with great noise1 opening and shutting the door violently1 and making much disturbance4 ,in a certain sense he is not to blame for this1 for he is wholly unconscious of the disturbance he makes4 ,the entire cognizant capacity of his mind is occupied with the object of his request4 ,he not only had no intention of doing any harm1 but has no idea of his having done any4 ,his mother takes no notice of the noise he made1 but answers his question1 and he goes away making almost as much noise in going out as he did in coming in4 ,the next time he comes in it happens--entirely by accident1 we will suppose--that he makes a little less noise than before4 ,this furnishes his mother with her opportunity4 ,georgie1 she says1 ,i see you are improving4 ,improving8 repeats ,georgie1 not knowing to what his mother refers4 ,yes1 said his mother2 you are improving1 in coming into the room without making a noise by opening and shutting the door4 ,you did not make nearly as much noise this time as you did before when you came in4 ,some boys1 whenever they come into a room1 make so much noise in opening and shutting the door that it is very disagreeable4 ,if you go on improving as you have begun1 you will soon come in as still as any gentleman4 ,the next time that ,georgie comes in1 he takes the utmost pains to open and shut the door as silently as possible4 ,he makes his request4 ,his mother shows herself unusually ready to grant it4 ,you opened and shut the door like a gentleman1 she says4 ,i ought to do every thing for you that ,i can1 when you take so much pains not to disturb or trouble me4 ,another ,method4 ,charlie's mother1 on the other hand1 acts on a different principle4 ,charlie comes in sometimes1 we will suppose1 in a quiet and proper manner4 ,his mother takes no notice of this4 ,she considers it a matter of course4 ,by-and-by1 however1 under the influence of some special eagerness1 he makes a great noise4 ,then his mother interposes4 ,she breaks out upon him with1 ,charlie1 what a noise you make6 ,don't you know better than to slam the doer in that way when you come in8 ,if you can't learn to make less noise in going in and out1 ,i shall not let you go in and out at all4 ,charlie knows very well that this is an empty threat4 ,still1 the utterance of it1 and the scolding that accompanies it1 irritate him a little1 and the only possible good effect that can be expected to result from it is to make him try1 the next time he comes in1 to see how small an abatement of the noise he usually makes will do1 as a kind of make-believe obedience to his mother's command4 ,he might1 indeed1 honestly answer his mother's angry question by saying that he does not know better than to make such a noise4 ,he does not know why the noise of the door should be disagreeable to his mother4 ,it is not disagreeable to him4 ,on the contrary1 it is agreeable4 ,children always like noise1 especially if they make it themselves4 ,and although ,charlie has often been told that he must not make any noise1 the reason for this--namely1 that though noise is a source of pleasure1 generally1 to children1 especially when they make it themselves1 it is almost always a source of annoyance and pain to grown persons--has never really entered his mind so as to be actually comprehended us a practical reality4 ,his ideas in respect to the philosophy of the transaction are1 of course1 exceedingly vague2 but so far as he forms any idea1 it is that his mother's words are the expression of some mysterious but unreasonable sensitiveness on her part1 which awakens in her a spirit of fault-finding and ill-humor that vents itself upon him in blaming him for nothing at all2 or1 as he would express it more tersely1 if not so elegantly1 that she is very cross4 ,in other words1 the impression made by the transaction upon his moral sense is that of wrong-doing on his mother's part1 and not at all on his own4 ,it is evident1 when we thus look into the secret workings of this method of curing children of their faults1 that even when it is successful in restraining certain kinds of outward misconduct1 and is thus the means of effecting some small amount of good1 the injury which it does by its reaction on the spirit of the child may be vastly greater1 through the irritation and ill-humor which it occasions1 and the impairing of his confidence in the justice and goodness of his mother4 ,before leaving this illustration1 it must be carefully observed that in the first-mentioned case--namely1 that of ,georgie--the work of curing the fault in question is not to be at all considered as effected by the step taken by his mother which has been already described4 ,that was only a beginning--a right beginning1 it is true1 but still only a beginning4 ,it produced in him a cordial willingness to do right1 in one instance4 ,that is a great thing1 but it is1 after all1 only one single step4 ,the work is not complete until a habit of doing right is formed1 which is another thing altogether1 and requires special and continual measures directed to this particular end4 ,children have to be trained in the way they should go--not merely shown the way1 and induced to make a beginning of entering it4 ,we will now try to show how the influence of commendation and encouragement may be brought into action in this more essential part of the process4 ,habit to be ,formed4 ,having taken the first step already described1 ,georgie's mother finds some proper opportunity1 when she can have the undisturbed and undivided attention of her boy--perhaps at night1 after he has gone to his crib or his trundle-bed1 and just before she leaves him2 or1 perhaps1 at some time while she is at work1 and he is sitting by her side1 with his mind calm1 quiet1 and unoccupied4 ,georgie1 she says1 ,i have a plan to propose to you4 ,georgie is eager to know what it is4 ,you know how pleased ,i was when you came in so still to-day4 ,georgie remembers it very well4 ,it is very curious1 continued his mother1 that there is a great difference between grown people and children about noise4 ,children like almost all kinds of noises very much1 especially1 if they make the noises themselves2 but grown people dislike them even more1 ,i think1 than children like them4 ,if there were a number of boys in the house1 and ,i should tell them that they might run back and forth through the rooms1 and rattle and slam all the doors as they went as loud as they could1 they would like it very much4 ,they would think it excellent fun4 ,yes1 says ,georgie1 indeed1 they would4 ,i wish you would let us do it some day4 ,but grown people1 continues his mother1 would not like such an amusement at all4 ,on the contrary1 such a racket would be excessively disagreeable to them1 whether they made it themselves or whether somebody else made it4 ,so1 when children come into a room where grown people are sitting1 and make a noise in opening and shutting the door1 it is very disagreeable4 ,of course1 grown people always like those children the best that come into a room quietly1 and in a gentlemanly and lady-like manner4 ,as this explanation comes in connection with ,georgia's having done right1 and with the commendation which he has received for it1 his mind and heart are open to receive it1 instead of being disposed to resist and exclude it1 as he would have been if the same things exactly had been said to him in connection with censure and reproaches for having acted in violation of the principle4 ,yes1 mother1 says he1 and ,i mean always to open and shut the door as still as ,i can4 ,yes1 ,i know you mean to do so1 rejoined his mother1 but you will forget1 unless you have some plan to make you remember it until the habit is formed4 ,now ,i have a plan to propose to help you form the habit4 ,when you get the habit once formed there will be no more difficulty4 ,the plan is this3 whenever you come into a room making a noise1 ,i will simply say1 ,noise4 ,then you will step back again softly and shut the door1 and then come in again in a quiet and proper way4 ,you will not go back for punishment1 for you would not have made the noise on purpose1 and so would not deserve any punishment4 ,it is only to help you remember1 and so to form the habit of coming into a room in a quiet and gentlemanly manner4 ,now ,georgie1 especially if all his mother's management of him is conducted in this spirit1 will enter into this plan with great cordiality4 ,i should not propose this plan1 continued his mother1 if ,i thought that when ,i say ,noise1 and you have to go out and come in again1 it would put you out of humor1 and make you cross or sullen4 ,i am sure you will be good-natured about it1 and even if you consider it a kind of punishment1 that you will go out willingly1 and take the punishment like a man2 and when you come in again you will come in still1 and look pleased and happy to find that you are carrying out the plan honorably4 ,then if1 on the first occasion when he is sent back1 he does take it good-naturedly1 this must be noticed and commended4 ,now1 unless we are entirely wrong in all our ideas of the nature and tendencies of the infantile mind1 it is as certain that a course of procedure like this will be successful in curing the fault which is the subject of treatment1 as that water will extinguish fire4 ,it cures it1 too1 without occasioning any irritation1 annoyance1 or ill-humor in the mind either of mother or child4 ,on the contrary1 it is a source of real satisfaction and pleasure to them both1 and increases and strengthens the bond of sympathy by which their hearts are united to each other4 ,the ,principle involved4 ,it must be understood distinctly that this case is given only as an illustration of a principle which is applicable to all cases4 ,the act of opening and shutting a door in a noisy manner is altogether too insignificant a fault to deserve this long discussion of the method of curing it1 were it not that methods founded on the same principles1 and conducted in the same spirit1 are applicable universally in all that pertains to the domestic management of children4 ,and it is a method1 too1 directly the opposite of that which is often--,i will not say generally1 but certainly very often--pursued4 ,the child tells the truth many times1 and in some cases1 perhaps1 when the inducement was very strong to tell an untruth4 ,we take no notice of these cases1 considering it a matter of course that he should tell the truth4 ,we reserve our action altogether for the first case when1 overcome by a sudden temptation1 he tells a lie1 and then interpose with reproaches and punishment4 ,nineteen times he gives up what belongs to his little brother or sister of his own accord1 perhaps after a severe internal struggle4 ,the twentieth time the result of the struggle goes the wrong way1 and he attempts to retain by violence what does not belong to him4 ,we take no notice of the nineteen cases when the little fellow did right1 but come and box his ears in the one case when he does wrong4 ,origin of the ,error4 ,the idea on which this mode of treatment is founded--namely1 that it is a matter of course that children should do right1 so that when they do right there is nothing to be said1 and that doing wrong is the abnormal condition and exceptional action which alone requires the parent to interfere--is1 to a great extent1 a mistake4 ,indeed1 the matter of course is all the other way4 ,a babe will seize the plaything of another babe without the least compunction long after it is keenly alive to the injustice and wrongfulness of having its own playthings taken by any other child4 ,so in regard to truth4 ,the first impulse of all children1 when they have just acquired the use of language1 is to use it in such a way as to effect their object for the time being1 without any sense of the sacred obligation of making the words always correspond truly with the facts4 ,the principles of doing justice to the rights of others to one's own damage1 and of speaking the truth when falsehood would serve the present purpose better1 are principles that are developed or acquired by slow degrees1 and at a later period4 ,i say developed or acquired--for different classes of metaphysicians and theologians entertain different theories in respect to the way by which the ideas of right and of duty enter into the human mind4 ,but all will agree in this1 that whatever may be the origin of the moral sense in man1 it does not appear as a practical element of control for the conduct till some time after the animal appetites and passions have begun to exercise their power4 ,whether we regard this sense as arising from a development within of a latent principle of the soul1 or as an essential element of the inherited and native constitution of man1 though remaining for a time embryonic and inert1 or as a habit acquired under the influence of instruction and example1 all will admit that the period of its appearance as a perceptible motive of action is so delayed1 and the time required for its attaining sufficient strength to exercise any real and effectual control over the conduct extends over so many of the earlier years of life1 that no very material help in governing the appetites and passions and impulses can be reasonably expected from it at a very early period4 ,indeed1 conscience1 so far as its existence is manifested at all in childhood1 seems to show itself chiefly in the form of the simple fear of detection in what there is reason to suppose will lead1 if discovered1 to reproaches or punishment4 ,at any rate1 the moral sense in childhood1 whatever may be our philosophy in respect to the origin and the nature of it1 can not be regarded as a strong and settled principle on which we can throw the responsibility of regulating the conduct1 and holding it sternly to its obligations4 ,it is1 on the contrary1 a very tender plant1 slowly coming forward to the development of its beauty and its power1 and requiring the most gentle fostering and care on the part of those intrusted with the training of the infant mind2 and the influence of commendation and encouragement when the embryo monitor succeeds in its incipient and feeble efforts1 will be far more effectual in promoting its development1 than that of censure and punishment when it fails4 ,important ,caution4 ,for every good thing there seems to be something in its form and semblance that is spurious and bad4 ,the principle brought to view in this chapter has its counterfeit in the indiscriminate praise and flattery of children by their parents1 which only makes them self-conceited and vain1 without at all promoting any good end4 ,the distinction between the two might be easily pointed out1 if time and space permitted2 but the intelligent parent1 who has rightly comprehended the method of management here described1 and the spirit in which the process of applying it is to be made1 will be in no danger of confounding one with the other4 ,this principle of noticing and commending1 within proper limits and restrictions1 what is right1 rather than finding fault with what is wrong1 will be found to be as important in the work of instruction as in the regulation of conduct4 ,we have1 in fact1 a very good opportunity of comparing the two systems1 as it is a curious fact that in certain things it is almost the universal custom to adopt one method1 and in certain others1 the other4 ,the two ,methods exemplified4 ,there are1 for example1 two arts which children have to learn1 in the process of their mental and physical development1 in which their faults1 errors1 and deficiencies are never pointed out1 but in the dealings of their parents with them all is commendation and encouragement4 ,they are the arts of walking and talking4 ,the first time that a child attempts to walk alone1 what a feeble1 staggering1 and awkward exhibition it makes4 ,and yet its mother shows1 by the excitement of her countenance1 and the delight expressed by her exclamations1 how pleased she is with the performance2 and she1 perhaps1 even calls in persons from the next room to see how well the baby can walk6 ,not a word about imperfections and failings1 not a word about the tottering1 the awkward reaching out of arms to preserve the balance1 the crookedness of the way1 the anxious expression of the countenance1 or any other faults4 ,these are left to correct themselves by the continued practice which encouragement is sure to lead to4 ,it is true that words would not be available in such a case for fault-finding2 for a child when learning to walk would be too young to understand them4 ,but the parent's sense of the imperfections of the performance might be expressed in looks and gestures which the child would understand2 but he sees1 on the contrary1 nothing but indications of satisfaction and pleasure1 and it is very manifest how much he is encouraged by them4 ,seeing the pleasure which his efforts give to the spectators1 he is made proud and happy by his success1 and goes on making efforts to improve with alacrity and delight4 ,it is the same with learning to talk4 ,the mistakes1 deficiencies1 and errors of the first rude attempts are seldom noticed1 and still more seldom pointed out by the parent4 ,on the contrary1 the child takes the impression1 from the readiness with which its words are understood and the delight it evidently gives its mother to hear them1 that it is going on triumphantly in its work of learning to talk1 instead of feeling that its attempts are only tolerated because they are made by such a little child1 and that they require a vast amount of correction1 alteration1 and improvement1 before they will be at all satisfactory4 ,indeed1 so far from criticising and pointing out the errors and faults1 the mother very frequently meets the child half way in its progress1 by actually adopting the faults and errors herself in her replies4 ,so that when the little beginner in the use of language1 as he wakes up in his crib1 and stretching out his hands to his mother says1 ,i want to get up she comes to take him1 and replies1 her face beaming with delight1 ,my little darling6 you shall get up2 thus filling his mind with happiness at the idea that his mother is not only pleased that he attempts to speak1 but is fully satisfied1 and more than satisfied1 with his success4 ,the result is1 that in learning to walk and to talk1 children always go forward with alacrity and ardor4 ,they practise continually and spontaneously1 requiring no promises of reward to allure them to effort1 and no threats of punishment to overcome repugnance or aversion4 ,it might be too much to say that the rapidity of their progress and the pleasure which they experience in making it1 are owing wholly to the commendation and encouragement they receive--for other causes may co-operate with these4 ,but it is certain that these influences contribute very essentially to the result4 ,there can be no doubt at all that if it were possible for a mother to stop her child in its efforts to learn to walk and to talk1 and explain to it1 no matter how kindly1 all its shortcomings1 failures1 and mistakes1 and were to make this her daily and habitual practice1 the consequence would be1 not only a great diminution of the ardor and animation of the little pupil1 in pressing forward in its work1 but also a great retardation in its progress4 ,example of the other ,method4 ,let us now1 for the more full understanding of the subject1 go to the other extreme1 and consider a case in which the management is as far as possible removed from that above referred to4 ,we can not have a better example than the method often adopted in schools and seminaries for teaching composition2 in other words1 the art of expressing one's thoughts in written language--an art which one would suppose to be so analogous to that of learning to talk--that is1 to express one's thoughts in oral language--that the method which was found so eminently successful in the one would be naturally resorted to in the other4 ,instead of that1 the method often pursued is exactly the reverse4 ,the pupil having with infinite difficulty1 and with many forebodings and anxious fears1 made his first attempt1 brings it to his teacher4 ,the teacher1 if he is a kind-hearted and considerate man1 perhaps briefly commends the effort with some such dubious and equivocal praise as it is ,very well for a beginner1 or ,as good a composition as could be expected at the first attempt1 and then proceeds to go over the exercise in a cool and deliberate manner1 with a view of discovering and bringing out clearly and conspicuously to the view1 not only of the little author himself1 but often of all his classmates and friends1 every imperfection1 failure1 mistake1 omission1 or other fault which a rigid scrutiny can detect in the performance4 ,however kindly he may do this1 and however gentle the tones of his voice1 still the work is criticism and fault-finding from beginning to end4 ,the boy sits on thorns and nettles while submitting to the operation1 and when he takes his marked and corrected manuscript to his seat1 he feels mortified and ashamed1 and is often hopelessly discouraged4 ,how ,faults are to be ,corrected4 ,some one may1 perhaps1 say that pointing out the errors and faults of pupils is absolutely essential to their progress1 inasmuch as1 unless they are made to see what their faults are1 they can not be expected to correct them4 ,i admit that this is true to a certain extent1 but by no means to so great an extent as is often supposed4 ,there are a great many ways of teaching pupils to do better what they are going to do1 besides showing them the faults in what they have already done4 ,thus1 without pointing out the errors and faults which he observes1 the teacher may only refer to and commend what is right1 while he at the same time observes and remembers the prevailing faults1 with a view of adapting his future instructions to the removal of them4 ,these instructions1 when given1 will take the form1 of course1 of general information on the art of expressing one's thoughts in writing1 and on the faults and errors to be avoided1 perhaps without any1 or1 at least1 very little allusion to those which the pupils themselves had committed4 ,instruction thus given1 while it will have at least an equal tendency with the other mode to form the pupils to habits of correctness and accuracy1 will not have the effect upon their mind of disparagement of what they have already done1 but rather of aid and encouragement for them in regard to what they are next to do4 ,in following the instructions thus given them1 the pupils will1 as it were1 leave the faults previously committed behind them1 being even1 in many instances1 unconscious1 perhaps1 of their having themselves ever committed them4 ,the ingenious mother will find various modes analogous to this1 of leading her children forward into what is right1 without at all disturbing their minds by censure of what is wrong--a course which it is perfectly safe to pursue in the case of all errors and faults which result from inadvertence or immaturity4 ,there is1 doubtless1 another class of faults--those of willful carelessness or neglect--which must be specially pointed out to the attention of the delinquents1 and a degree of discredit attached to the commission of them1 and perhaps1 in special cases1 some kind of punishment imposed1 as the most proper corrective of the evil4 ,and yet1 even in cases of carelessness and neglect of duty1 it will generally be found much more easy to awaken ambition1 and a desire to improve1 in a child1 by discovering1 if possible1 something good in his work1 and commending that1 as an encouragement to him to make greater exertion the next time1 than to attempt to cure him of his negligence by calling his attention to the faults which he has committed1 as subjects of censure1 however obvious the faults may be1 and however deserving of blame4 ,the advice1 however1 made in this chapter1 to employ commendation and encouragement to a great extent1 rather than criticism and fault-finding1 in the management and instruction of children1 must1 like all other general counsels of the kind1 be held subject to all proper limitations and restrictions4 ,some mother may1 perhaps1 object to what is here advanced1 saying1 ,if ,i am always indiscriminately praising my child's doings1 he will become self-conceited and vain1 and he will cease to make progress1 being satisfied with what he has already attained4 ,of course he will1 and therefore you must take care not to be always and indiscriminately praising him4 ,you must exercise tact and good judgment1 or at any rate1 common sense1 in properly proportioning your criticism and your praise4 ,there are no principles of management1 however sound1 which may not be so exaggerated1 or followed with so blind a disregard of attendant circumstances1 as to produce more harm than good4 ,it must be especially borne in mind that the counsels here given in relation to curing the faults of children by dealing more with what is good in them than what is bad1 are intended to apply to faults of ignorance1 inadvertence1 or habit only1 and not to acts of known and willful wrong4 ,when we come to cases of deliberate and intentional disobedience to a parent's commands1 or open resistance to his authority1 something different1 or at least something more1 is required4 ,the ,principle of ,universal ,application4 ,in conclusion1 it is proper to add that the principle of influencing human character and action by noticing and commending what is right1 rather than finding fault with what is wrong1 is of universal application1 with the mature as well as with the young4 ,the susceptibility to this influence is in full operation in the minds of all men everywhere1 and acting upon it will lead to the same results in all the relations of society4 ,the way to awaken a penurious man to the performance of generous deeds is not by remonstrating with him1 however kindly1 on his penuriousness1 but by watching his conduct till we find some act that bears some semblance of liberality1 and commending him for that4 ,if you have a neighbor who is surly and troublesome--tell him that he is so1 and you make him worse than ever4 ,but watch for some occasion in which he shows you some little kindness1 and thank him cordially for such a good neighborly act1 and he will feel a strong desire to repeat it4 ,if mankind universally understood this principle1 and would generally act upon it in their dealings with others--of course1 with such limitations and restrictions as good sense and sound judgment would impose--the world would not only go on much more smoothly and harmoniously than it does now1 but the progress of improvement would1 ,i think1 in all respects be infinitely more rapid4 ,,chapter ,,xiii4 ,,faults ,,of ,,immaturity4 ,a great portion of the errors and mistakes1 and of what we call the follies1 of children arise from simple ignorance4 ,principles of philosophy1 whether pertaining to external nature or to mental action1 are involved which have never come home to their minds4 ,they may have been presented1 but they have not been understood and appreciated4 ,it requires some tact1 and sometimes delicate observation1 on the part of the mother to determine whether a mode of action which she sees ought to be corrected results from childish ignorance and inexperience1 or from willful wrong-doing4 ,whatever may be the proper treatment in the latter case1 it is evident that in the former what is required is not censure1 but instruction4 ,boasting4 ,a mother came into the room one day and found ,johnny disputing earnestly with his ,cousin ,jane on the question which was the tallest--,johnny very strenuously maintaining that he was the tallest1 because he was a boy4 ,his older brother1 ,james1 who was present at the time1 measured them1 and found that ,johnny in reality was the tallest4 ,now there was nothing wrong in his feeling a pride and pleasure in the thought that he was physically superior to his cousin1 and though it was foolish for him to insist himself on this superiority in a boasting way1 it was the foolishness of ignorance only4 ,he had not learned the principle--which half mankind do not seem ever to learn during the whole course of their lives--that it is far wiser and better to let our good qualities appear naturally of themselves1 than to claim credit for them beforehand by boasting4 ,it would have been much wiser for ,johnny to have admitted at the outset that ,jane might possibly be taller than he1 and then to have awaited quietly the result of the measuring4 ,but we can not blame him much for not having learned this particular wisdom at five years of age1 when so many full-grown men and women never learn it at all4 ,nor was there any thing blameworthy in him in respect to the false logic involved in his argument1 that his being a boy made him necessarily taller than his cousin1 a girl of the same age4 ,there was a semblance of proof in that fact--what the logicians term a presumption4 ,but the reasoning powers are very slowly developed in childhood4 ,they are very seldom aided by any instruction really adapted to the improvement of them2 and we ought not to expect that such children can at all clearly distinguish a semblance from a reality in ideas so extremely abstruse as those relating to the logical connection between the premises and the conclusion in a process of ratiocination4 ,in this case as in the other we expect them to understand at once1 without instruction1 what we find it extremely difficult to learn ourselves2 for a large portion of mankind prove themselves utterly unable ever to discriminate between sound arguments and those which are utterly inconsequent and absurd4 ,in a word1 what ,johnny requires in such a case as this is1 not ridicule to shame him out of his false reasoning1 nor censure or punishment to cure him of his boasting1 but simply instruction4 ,and this instruction it is much better to give not in direct connection with the occurrence which indicated the want of it4 ,if you attempt to explain to your boy the folly of boasting in immediate connection with some act of boasting of his own1 he feels that you are really finding fault with him2 his mind instinctively puts itself into a position of defense1 and the truth which you wish to impart to it finds a much less easy admission4 ,if1 for example1 in this case ,johnny's mother attempts on the spot to explain to him the folly of boasting1 and to show how much wiser it is for us to let our good qualities1 if we have any1 speak for themselves1 without any direct agency of ours in claiming the merit of them1 he listens reluctantly and nervously as to a scolding in disguise4 ,if he is a boy well managed1 he waits1 perhaps1 to hear what his mother has to say1 but it makes no impression4 ,if he is badly trained1 he will probably interrupt his mother in the midst of what she is saying1 or break away from her to go on with his play4 ,a right ,mode of ,treatment4 ,if now1 instead of this1 the mother waits until the dispute and the transaction of measuring have passed by and been forgotten1 and then takes some favorable opportunity to give the required instruction1 the result will be far more favorable4 ,at some time1 when tired of his play1 he comes to stand by her to observe her at her work1 or perhaps to ask her for a story2 or1 after she has put him to bed and is about to leave him for the night1 she says to him as follows3 ,i'll tell you a story about two boys1 ,jack and ,henry1 and you shall tell me which of them came off best4 ,they both went to the same school and were in the same class1 and there was nobody else in the class but those two4 ,henry1 who was the most diligent scholar1 was at the head of the class1 and ,jack was below him1 and1 of course1 as there were only two1 he was at the foot4 ,one day there was company at the house1 and one of the ladies asked the boys how they got along at school4 ,jack immediately said1 ',very well4 ,i'm next to the head of my class4' ,the lady then praised him1 and said that he must be a very good scholar to be so high in his class4 ,then she asked ,henry how high he was in his class4 ,he said he was next to the foot4 ,the lady was somewhat surprised1 for she1 as well as the others present1 supposed that ,henry was the best scholar2 they were all a little puzzled too1 for ,henry looked a little roguish and sly when he said it4 ,but just then the teacher came in1 and she explained the case2 for she said that the boys were in the same class1 and they were all that were in it2 so that ,henry1 who was really at the head1 was next but one to the foot1 while ,jack1 who was at the foot1 was next but one to the head4 ,on having this explanation made to the company1 ,jack felt very much confused and ashamed1 while ,henry1 though he said nothing1 could not help feeling pleased4 ,and now1 asks the mother1 in conclusion1 which of these boys do you think came off the best8 ,johnny answers that ,henry came out best4 ,yes1 adds his mother1 and it is always better that people's merits1 if they have any1 should come out in other ways than by their own boasting of them4 ,it is true that this case of ,henry and ,jack does not correspond exactly--not even nearly1 in fact--with that of ,johnny and his cousin4 ,nor is it necessary that the instruction given in these ways should logically conform to the incident which calls them forth4 ,it is sufficient that there should be such a degree of analogy between them1 that the interest and turn of thought produced by the incident may prepare the mind for appreciating and receiving the lesson4 ,but the mother may bring the lesson nearer if she pleases4 ,i will tell you another story1 she says4 ,there were two men at a fair4 ,their names were ,thomas and ,philip4 ,thomas was boasting of his strength4 ,he said he was a great deal stronger than ,philip4 ',perhaps you are1' said ,philip4 ,then ,thomas pointed to a big stone which was lying upon the ground1 and dared ,philip to try which could throw it the farthest4 ',very well1' said ,philip1 ',i will try1 but ,i think it very likely you will beat me1 for ,i know you are very strong4' ,so they tried1 and it proved that ,philip could throw it a great deal farther than ,thomas could4 ,then ,thomas went away looking very much incensed and very much ashamed1 while ,philip's triumph was altogether greater for his not having boasted4 ,yes1 says ,johnny1 ,i think so4 ,the mother may1 if she pleases1 come still nearer than this1 if she wishes to suit ,johnny's individual case1 without exciting any resistance in his heart to the reception of her lesson4 ,she may bring his exact case into consideration1 provided she changes the names of the actors1 so that ,johnny's mind may be relieved from the uneasy sensitiveness which it is so natural for a child to feel when his own conduct is directly the object of unfavorable comment4 ,it is surprising how slight a change in the mere outward incidents of an affair will suffice to divert the thoughts of the child from himself in such a case1 and enable him to look at the lesson to be imparted without personal feeling1 and so to receive it more readily4 ,johnny's mother may say1 ,there might be a story in a book about two boys that were disputing a little about which was the tallest4 ,what do you think would be good names for the boys1 if you were making up such a story8 ,when ,johnny has proposed the names1 his mother could go on and give an almost exact narrative of what took place between ,johnny and his cousin1 offering just such instructions and such advice as she would like to offer2 and she will find1 if she manages the conversation with ordinary tact and discretion1 that the lessons which she desires to impart will find a ready admission to the mind of her child1 simply from the fact that1 by divesting them of all direct personal application1 she has eliminated from them the element of covert censure which they would otherwise have contained4 ,very slight disguises will1 in all such cases1 be found to be sufficient to veil the personal applicability of the instruction1 so far as to divest it of all that is painful or disagreeable to the child4 ,he may have a vague feeling that you mean him1 but the feeling will not produce any effect of irritation or repellency4 ,now1 the object of these illustrations is to show that those errors and faults which1 when we look at their real and intrinsic character1 we see to be results of ignorance and inexperience1 and not instances of willful and intentional wrong-doing1 are not to be dealt with harshly1 and made occasions of censure and punishment4 ,the child does not deserve censure or punishment in such cases2 what he requires is instruction4 ,it is the bringing in of light to illuminate the path that is before him which he has yet to tread1 and not the infliction of pain1 to impress upon him the evil of the missteps he made1 in consequence of the obscurity1 in the path behind him4 ,indeed1 in such cases as this1 it is the influence of pleasure rather than pain that the parent will find the most efficient means of aiding him2 that is1 in these cases1 the more pleasant and agreeable the modes by which he can impart the needed knowledge to the child--in other words1 the more attractive he can make the paths by which he can lead his little charge onward in its progress towards maturity--the more successful he will be4 ,ignorance of ,material ,properties and ,laws4 ,in the example already given1 the mental immaturity consisted in imperfect acquaintance with the qualities and the action of the mind1 and the principles of sound reasoning2 but a far larger portion of the mistakes and failures into which children fall1 and for which they incur undeserved censure1 are due to their ignorance of the laws of external nature1 and of the properties and qualities of material objects4 ,a boy1 for example1 seven or eight years old1 receives from his father a present of a knife1 with a special injunction to be careful of it4 ,he is1 accordingly1 very careful of it in respect to such dangers as he understands1 but in attempting to bore a hole with it in a piece of wood1 out of which he is trying to make a windmill1 he breaks the small blade4 ,the accident1 in such a case1 is not to be attributed to any censurable carelessness1 but to want of instruction in respect to the strength of such a material as steel1 and the nature and effects of the degree of tempering given to knife-blades4 ,the boy had seen his father bore holes with a gimlet1 and the knife-blade was larger--in one direction at least1 that is1 in breadth--than the gimlet1 and it was very natural for him to suppose that it was stronger4 ,what a boy needs in such a case1 therefore1 is not a scolding1 or punishment1 but simply information4 ,a girl of about the same age--a farmer's daughter1 we will suppose--under the influence of a dutiful desire to aid her mother in preparing the table for breakfast1 attempts to carry across the room a pitcher of milk which is too full1 and she spills a portion of it upon the floor4 ,the ,intention good4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,intention ,,good4 ,the mother1 forgetting the good intention which prompted the act1 and thinking only of the inconvenience which it occasions her1 administers at once a sharp rebuke4 ,the cause of the trouble was1 simply1 that the child was not old enough to understand the laws of momentum and of oscillation that affect the condition of a fluid when subjected to movements more or less irregular4 ,she has had no theoretical instruction on the subject1 and is too young to have acquired the necessary knowledge practically1 by experience or observation4 ,it is so with a very large portion of the accidents which befall children4 ,they arise not from any evil design1 nor even any thing that can properly be called carelessness1 on their part1 but simply from the immaturity of their knowledge in respect to the properties and qualities of the material objects with which they have to deal4 ,it is true that children may be1 and often1 doubtless1 are1 in fault for these accidents4 ,the boy may have been warned by his father not to attempt to bore with his knife-blade1 or the girl forbidden to attempt to carry the milk-pitcher4 ,the fault1 however1 would be1 even in these cases1 in the disobedience1 and not in the damage that accidentally resulted from it4 ,and it would be far more reasonable and proper to reprove and punish the fault when no evil followed than when a damage was the result2 for in the latter case the damage itself acts1 ordinarily1 as a more than sufficient punishment4 ,misfortunes befalling ,men4 ,these cases are exactly analogous to a large class of accidents and calamities that happen among men4 ,a ship-master sails from port at a time when there are causes existing in the condition of the atmosphere1 and in the agencies in readiness to act upon it1 that must certainly1 in a few hours1 result in a violent storm4 ,he is consequently caught in the gale1 and his topmasts and upper rigging are carried away4 ,the owners do not censure him for the loss which they incur1 if they are only assured that the meteorological knowledge at the captain's command at the time of leaving port was not such as to give him warning of the danger2 and provided1 also1 that his knowledge was as advanced as could reasonably be expected from the opportunities which he had enjoyed4 ,but we are very much inclined to hold children responsible for as much knowledge of the sources of danger around them as we ourselves1 with all our experience1 have been able to acquire1 and are accustomed to condemn and sometimes even to punish them1 for want of this knowledge4 ,indeed1 in many cases1 both with children and with men1 the means of knowledge in respect to the danger may be fully within reach1 and yet the situation may be so novel1 and the combination of circumstances so peculiar1 that the connection between the causes and the possible evil effects does not occur to the minds of the persons engaged4 ,an accident which has just occurred at the time of this present writing will illustrate this4 ,a company of workmen constructing a tunnel for a railway1 when they had reached the distance of some miles from the entrance1 prepared a number of charges for blasting the rock1 and accidentally laid the wires connected with the powder in too close proximity to the temporary railway-track already laid in the tunnel4 ,the charges were intended to be fired from an electric battery provided for the purpose2 but a thunder-cloud came up1 and the electric force from it was conveyed by the rails into the tunnel and exploded the charges1 and several men were killed4 ,no one was inclined to censure the unfortunate men for carelessness in not guarding against a contingency so utterly unforeseen by them1 though it is plain that1 as is often said to children in precisely analogous cases1 they might have known4 ,children's ,studies4--,spelling4 ,there is1 perhaps1 no department of the management of children in which they incur more undeserved censure1 and even punishment1 and are treated with so little consideration for faults arising solely from the immaturity of their minds1 than in the direction of what may be called school studies4 ,few people have any proper appreciation of the enormous difficulties which a child has to encounter in learning to read and spell4 ,how many parents become discouraged1 and manifest their discouragement and dissatisfaction to the child in reproving and complaints1 at what they consider his slow progress in learning to spell--forgetting that in the ,english language there are in common1 every-day use eight or ten thousand words1 almost all of which are to be learned separately1 by a bare and cheerless toil of committing to memory1 with comparatively little definite help from the sound4 ,we have ourselves become so accustomed to seeing the word bear1 for example1 when denoting the animal1 spelt b e a r1 that we are very prone to imagine that there is something naturally appropriate in those letters and in that collocation of them1 to represent that sound when used to denote that idea4 ,but what is there in the nature and power of the letters to aid the child in perceiving--or1 when told1 in remembering--whether1 when referring to the animal1 he is to write bear1 or bare1 or bair1 or bayr1 or bere1 as in where4 ,so with the word you4 ,it seems to us the most natural thing in the world to spell it y o u4 ,and when the little pupil1 judging by the sound1 writes it y u1 we mortify him by our ridicule1 as if he had done something in itself absurd4 ,but how is he to know1 except by the hardest1 most meaningless1 and distasteful toil of the memory1 whether he is to write you1 or yu1 or yoo1 or ewe1 or yew1 or yue1 as in flue1 or even yo as in do1 and to determine when and in what cases respectively he is to use those different forms8 ,the truth is1 that each elementary sound that enters into the composition of words is represented in our language by so many different combinations of letters1 in different cases1 that the child has very little clue from the sound of a syllable to guide him in the spelling of it4 ,we ourselves1 from long habit1 have become so accustomed to what we call the right spelling--which1 of course1 means nothing more than the customary one--that we are apt to imagine1 as has already been said1 that there is some natural fitness in it2 and a mode of representing the same sound1 which in one case seems natural and proper1 in another appears ludicrous and absurd4 ,we smile to see laugh spelled larf1 just as we should to see scarf spelled scaugh1 or scalf1 as in half2 and we forget that this perception of apparent incongruity is entirely the result of long habit in us1 and has no natural foundation1 and that children can not be sensible of it1 or have any idea of it whatever4 ,they learn1 in learning to talk1 what sound serves as the name by which the drops of water that they find upon the grass in the morning is denoted1 but they can have no clue whatever to guide them in determining which of the various modes by which precisely that sound is represented in different words1 as dew1 do1 due1 du1 doo1 and dou1 is to be employed in this case1 and they become involved in hopeless perplexity if they attempt to imagine how it ought to be spelled2 and we think them stupid because they can not extricate themselves from the difficulty on our calling upon them to think6 ,no doubt there is a reason for the particular mode of spelling each particular word in the language--but that reason is hidden in the past history of the word and in facts connected with its origin and derivation from some barbarous or dead language1 and is as utterly beyond the reach of each generation of spellers as if there were no such reasons in existence4 ,there can not be the slightest help in any way from the exercise of the thinking or the reasoning powers4 ,it is true that the variety of the modes by which a given sound may be represented is not so great in all words as it is in these examples1 though with respect to a vast number of the words in common use the above are fair specimens4 ,they were not specially selected1 but were taken almost at random4 ,and there are very few words in the language the sound of which might not be represented by several different modes4 ,take1 for example1 the three last words of the last sentence1 which1 as the words were written without any thought of using them for this purpose1 may be considered1 perhaps1 as a fair specimen of words taken actually at random4 ,the sound of the word several might be expressed in perfect accordance with the usage of ,english spelling1 as ceveral1 severul1 sevaral1 cevural1 and in many other different modes4 ,the combinations dipherant1 diferunt1 dyfferent1 diffurunt1 and many others1 would as well represent the sound of the second word as the usual mode4 ,and so with modes1 which1 according to the analogy of the language1 might as well be expressed by moads1 mowdes1 moades1 mohdes1 or even mhodes1 as in ,rhodes4 ,an exceptionally precise speaker might doubtless make some slight difference in the sounds indicated by the different modes of representing the same syllable as given above2 but to the ordinary appreciation of childhood the distinction in sound between such combinations1 for example1 as a n t in constant and e n t in different would not be perceptible4 ,now1 when we consider the obvious fact that the child has to learn mechanically1 without any principles whatever to guide him in discovering which1 out of the many different forms1 equally probable1 judging simply from analogy1 by which the sound of the word is to be expressed1 is the right one2 and considering how small a portion of his time each day is or can be devoted to this work1 and that the number of words in common use1 all of which he is expected to know how to spell correctly by the time that he is twelve or fifteen years of age1 is probably ten or twelve thousand 7there are in ,webster's dictionary considerably over a hundred thousand72 when we take these considerations into account1 it would seem that a parent1 on finding that a letter written by his daughter1 twelve or fourteen years of age1 has all but three or four words spelled right1 ought to be pleased and satisfied1 and to express his satisfaction for the encouragement of the learner1 instead of appearing to think only of the few words that are wrong1 and disheartening and discouraging the child by attempts to make her ashamed of her spelling4 ,the case is substantially the same with the enormous difficulties to be encountered in learning to read and to write4 ,the names of the letters1 as the child pronounces them individually1 give very little clue to the sound that is to be given to the word formed by them4 ,thus1 the letters h i t1 as the child pronounces them individually--aitch1 eye1 tee--would naturally spell to him some such word as achite1 not hit at all4 ,and as for the labor and difficulty of writing1 a mother who is impatient at the slow progress of her children in the attainment of the art would be aided very much in obtaining a just idea of the difficulties which they experience by sitting upon a chair and at a table both much too high for her1 and trying to copy ,chinese characters by means of a hair-pencil1 and with her left hand--the work to be closely inspected every day by a stern ,chinaman of whom she stands in awe1 and all the minutest deviations from the copy pointed out to her attention with an air of dissatisfaction and reproval6 ,effect of ,ridicule4 ,there is1 perhaps1 no one cause which exerts a greater influence in chilling the interest that children naturally feel in the acquisition of knowledge1 than the depression and discouragement which result from having their mistakes and errors--for a large portion of which they are in no sense to blame--made subjects of censure or ridicule4 ,the effect is still more decided in the case of girls than in that of boys1 the gentler sex being naturally so much more sensitive4 ,i have found in many cases1 especially in respect to girls who are far enough advanced to have had a tolerably full experience of the usual influences of schools1 that the fear of making mistakes1 and of being thought stupid1 has had more effect in hindering and retarding progress1 by repressing the natural ardor of the pupil1 and destroying all alacrity and courage in the efforts to advance1 than all other causes combined4 ,stupidity4 ,how ungenerous1 and even cruel1 it is to reproach or ridicule a child for stupidity1 is evident when we reflect that any supposed inferiority in his mental organization can not1 by any possibility1 be his fault4 ,the question what degree of natural intelligence he shall be endowed with1 in comparison with other children1 is determined1 not by himself1 but by his ,creator1 and depends1 probably1 upon conditions of organization in his cerebral system as much beyond his control as any thing abnormal in the features of his face1 or blindness1 or deafness1 or any other physical disadvantage4 ,the child who shows any indications of inferiority to others in any of these respects should be the object of his parent's or his teacher's special tenderness and care4 ,if he is near-sighted1 give him1 at school1 a seat as convenient as possible to the blackboard or the map4 ,if he is hard of hearing1 place him near the teacher2 and for reasons precisely analogous1 if you suspect him to be of inferior capacity1 help him gently and tenderly in every possible way4 ,do every thing in your power to encourage him1 and to conceal his deficiencies both from others and from himself1 so far as these objects can be attained consistently with the general good of the family or of the school4 ,and1 at all events1 let those who have in any way the charge of children keep the distinction well defined in their minds between the faults which result from evil intentions1 or deliberate and willful neglect of known duty1 and those which1 whatever the inconvenience they may occasion1 are in part or in whole the results of mental or physical immaturity4 ,in all our dealings1 whether with plants1 or animals1 or with the human soul1 we ought1 in our training1 to act very gently in respect to all that pertains to the embryo condition4 ,,chapter ,,xiv4 ,,the ,,activity ,,of ,,children4 ,in order rightly to understand the true nature of that extraordinary activity which is so noticeable in all children that are in a state of health1 so as to be able to deal with it on the right principles and in a proper manner1 it is necessary to turn our attention somewhat carefully to certain scientific truths in respect to the nature and action of force in general which are now abundantly established1 and which throw great light on the true character of that peculiar form of it which is so characteristic of childhood1 and is1 indeed1 so abundantly developed by the vital functions of almost all young animals4 ,one of the fundamental principles of this system of scientific truth is that which is called the persistence of force4 ,the ,persistence of ,force4 ,by the persistence of force is meant the principle--one now established with so much certainty as to command the assent of every thinking man who examines the subject--that in the ordinary course of nature no force is either ever originated or ever destroyed1 but only changed in form4 ,in other words1 that all existing forces are but the continuation or prolongation of other forces preceding them1 either of the same or other forms1 but precisely equivalent in amount2 and that no force can terminate its action in any other way than by being transmuted into some other force1 either of the same or of some other form2 but still1 again1 precisely equivalent in amount4 ,it was formerly believed that a force might under certain circumstances be originated--created1 as it were--and hence the attempts to contrive machines for perpetual motion--that is1 machines for the production of force4 ,this idea is now wholly renounced by all well-informed men as utterly impossible in the nature of things4 ,all that human mechanism can do is to provide modes for using advantageously a force previously existing1 without the possibility of either increasing or diminishing it4 ,no existing force can be destroyed4 ,the only changes possible are changes of direction1 changes in the relation of intensity to quantity1 and changes of form4 ,the cases in which a force is apparently increased or diminished1 as well as those in which it seems to disappear1 are all found1 on examination1 to be illusive4 ,for example1 the apparent increase of a man's power by the use of a lever is really no increase at all4 ,it is true that1 by pressing upon the outer arm with his own weight1 he can cause the much greater weight of the stone to rise2 but then it will rise only a very little way in comparison with the distance through which his own weight descends4 ,his own weight must1 in fact1 descend through a distance as much greater than that by which the stone ascends1 as the weight of the stone is greater than his weight4 ,in other words1 so far as the balance of the forces is concerned1 the whole amount of the downward motion consists of the smaller weight descending through a greater distance1 which will be equal to the whole amount of that of the larger one ascending through a smaller distance2 and1 to produce a preponderance1 the whole amount of the downward force must be somewhat greater4 ,thus the lever only gathers or concentrates force1 as it were1 but does not at all increase it4 ,it is so with all the other contrivances for managing force for the accomplishment of particular purposes4 ,none of them1 increase the force1 but only alter its form and character1 with a view to its better adaptation to the purpose in view4 ,nor can any force be extinguished4 ,when a bullet strikes against a solid wall1 the force of its movement1 which seems to disappear1 is not lost2 it is converted into heat--the temperature of both the bullet and of that part of the wall on which it impinges being raised by the concussion4 ,and it is found that the amount of the heat which is thus produced is always in exact proportion to the quantity of mechanical motion which is stopped2 this quantity depending on the weight of the bullet1 and on the velocity with which it was moving4 ,and it has been ascertained1 moreover1 by the most careful1 patient1 and many times repeated experiments and calculations1 that the quantity of this heat is exactly the same with that which1 through the medium of steam1 or by any other mode of applying it1 may be made to produce the same quantity of mechanical motion that was extinguished in the bullet4 ,thus the force was not destroyed1 but only converted into another form4 ,and if we should follow out the natural effects of this heat into which the motion of the bullet was transferred1 we should find it rarefying the air around the place of concussion1 and thus lifting the whole mass of the atmosphere above it1 and producing currents of the nature of wind1 and through these producing other effects1 thus going on forever2 the force changing its form1 but neither increasing or diminishing its quantity through a series of changes without end4 ,the ,arrest and temporary ,reservation of ,force4 ,now1 although it is thus impossible that any force should be destroyed1 or in any way cease to exist in one form without setting in action a precisely equal amount in some other form1 it may1 as it were1 pass into a condition of restraint1 and remain thus suspended and latent for an indefinite period--ready1 however1 to break into action again the moment that the restraint is removed4 ,thus a perfectly elastic spring may be bent by a certain force1 and retained in the bent position a long time4 ,but the moment that it is released it will unbend itself1 exercising in so doing precisely the degree of force expended in bending it4 ,in the same manner air may be compressed in an air-gun1 and held thus1 with the force1 as it were1 imprisoned1 for any length of time1 until at last1 when the detent is released by the trigger1 the elastic force comes into action1 exercising in its action a power precisely the same as that with which it was compressed4 ,force or power may be thus1 as it were1 stored up in a countless variety of ways1 and reserved for future action2 and1 when finally released1 the whole amount may be set free at once1 so as to expend itself in a single impulse1 as in case of the arrow or the bullet2 or it may be partially restrained1 so as to expend itself gradually1 as in the case of a clock or watch4 ,in either case the total amount expended will be precisely the same--namely1 the exact equivalent of that which was placed in store4 ,vegetable and ,animal ,life4 ,there are a vast number of mechanical contrivances in use among men for thus putting force in store1 as it were1 and then using it more or less gradually1 as may be required4 ,and nature1 moreover1 does this on a scale so stupendous as to render all human contrivances for this purpose utterly insignificant in comparison4 ,the great agent which nature employs in this work is vegetation4 ,indeed1 it may truly be said that the great function of vegetable life1 in all the infinitude of forms and characters which it assumes1 is to receive and store up force derived from the emanations of the sun4 ,animal life1 on the other hand1 exists and fulfills its functions by the expenditure of this force4 ,animals receive vegetable productions containing these reserves of force into their systems1 which systems contain arrangements for liberating the force1 and employing it for the purposes it is intended to subserve in the animal economy4 ,the manner in which these processes are performed is in general terms as follows3 ,the vegetable absorbs from the earth and from the air substances existing in their natural condition--that is1 united according to their strongest affinities4 ,these substances are chiefly water1 containing various mineral salts in solution1 from the ground1 and carbonic acid from the air4 ,these substances1 after undergoing certain changes in the vessels of the plant1 are exposed to the influence of the rays of the sun in the leaves4 ,by the power of these rays--including the calorific1 the luminous1 and the actinic--the natural affinities by which the above-mentioned substances were united are overcome1 and they are formed into new combinations1 in which they are united by very weak affinities4 ,of course1 they have a strong tendency to break away from the new unions1 and fall back into the old4 ,but1 by some mysterious and incomprehensible means1 the sun has power to lock them1 so to speak1 in their new forms1 so as to require a special condition of things for the releasing of them4 ,thus they form a reserve of force1 which can be held in restraint until the conditions required for their release are realized4 ,the process can be illustrated more particularly by a single case4 ,water1 one of the substances absorbed by plants1 is composed of oxygen and hydrogen1 which are united by an affinity of prodigious force4 ,it is the same with carbon and oxygen1 in a compound called carbonic acid1 which is also one of the principal substances absorbed by plants from the air4 ,now the heat and other emanations from the sun1 acting upon these substances in the leaves1 forces the hydrogen and the carbon away from their strong bond of union with oxygen1 and sets the oxygen free1 and then combines the carbon and hydrogen into a sort of unwilling union with each other--a union from which they are always ready and eager to break away1 that they may return to their union with the object of their former and much stronger attachment--namely1 oxygen2 though they are so locked1 by some mysterious means1 that they can not break away except when certain conditions necessary to their release are realized4 ,hydrocarbons4 ,the substances thus formed by a weak union of carbon with hydrogen are called hydrocarbons4 ,they comprise nearly all the highly inflammable vegetable substances4 ,their being combustible means simply that they have a great disposition to resume their union with oxygen--combustion being nothing other than a more or less violent return of a substance to a union with oxygen or some other such substance1 usually one from which it had formerly been separated by force--giving out again by its return1 in the form of heat1 the force by which the original separation had been effected4 ,a compound formed thus of substances united by very weak affinities1 so that they are always ready to separate from each other and form new unions under the influence of stronger affinities1 is said to be in a state of unstable equilibrium4 ,it is the function of vegetable life to create these unstable combinations by means of the force derived from the sun2 and the combinations1 when formed1 of course hold the force which formed them in reserve1 ready to make itself manifest whenever it is released4 ,animals receive these substances into their systems in their food4 ,a portion of them they retain1 re-arranging the components in some cases so as to form new compounds1 but still unstable4 ,these they use in constructing the tissues of the animal system1 and some they reserve for future use4 ,as fast as they require the heat and the force which are stored in them they expend1 them1 thus recovering the force which was absorbed in the formation of them1 and which now1 on being released1 re-appears in the three forms of animal heat1 muscular motion1 and cerebral or nervous energy4 ,there are other modes besides the processes of animal life by which the reserved force laid up by the vegetable process in these unstable compounds may be released4 ,in many cases it releases itself under ordinary exposures to the oxygen of the atmosphere4 ,a log of wood--which is composed chiefly of carbon and hydrogen in an unstable union--lying upon the ground will gradually decay1 as we term it--that is1 its elements will separate from each other1 and form new unions with the elements of the surrounding air1 thus returning to their normal condition4 ,they give out1 in so doing1 a low degree of heat1 which1 being protracted through a course of years1 makes up1 in the end1 the precise equivalent of that expended by the sun in forming the wood--that is1 the power expended in the formation of the wood is all released in the dissolution of it4 ,this process may be greatly accelerated by heat4 ,if a portion of the wood is raised in temperature to a certain point1 the elements begin to combine with the oxygen near1 with so much violence as to release the reserved power with great rapidity4 ,and as this force re-appears in the form of heat1 the next portions of the wood are at once raised to the right temperature to allow the process of reoxidation to go on rapidly with them4 ,this is the process of combustion4 ,observations and experiments on decaying wood have been made1 showing that the amount of heat developed by the combustion of a mass of wood1 though much more intense for a time1 is the same in amount as that which is set free by the slower process of re-oxidation by gradual decay2 both being the equivalent of the amount absorbed by the leaves from the sun1 in the process of deoxidizing the carbon and hydrogen when the wood was formed4 ,the force imprisoned in these unstable compounds may be held in reserve for an unlimited period1 so long as all opportunity is denied them of returning the elements that compose them to their original combinations4 ,such a case occurs when large beds of vegetable substances are buried under layers of sediment which subsequently become stone1 and thus shut the hydrocarbonaceous compounds beneath them from all access to oxygen4 ,the beds of coal thus formed retain their reserved force for periods of immense duration2 and when at length the material thus protected is brought to the surface1 and made to give up its treasured power1 it manifests its efficiency in driving machinery1 propelling trains1 heating furnaces1 or diffusing warmth and comfort around the family fireside4 ,in all these cases the heat and power developed from the coal is heat and power derived originally from the sun1 and now set free1 after having lain dormant thousands and perhaps millions of years4 ,this simple case of the formation of hydrocarbons from the elements furnished by carbonic acid and water is only adduced as an illustration of the general principle4 ,the modes by which the power of the sun actually takes effect in the decomposition of stable compounds1 and the formation of unstable ones from the elements thus obtained1 are innumerable1 and the processes as well as the combinations that result are extremely complicated4 ,these processes include not only the first formation of the unstable compounds in the leaf1 but also an endless series of modifications and re-arrangements which they subsequently undergo1 as well in the other organs of the plant as in those of the animal when they are finally introduced into an animal system4 ,in all1 however1 the general result is substantially the same--namely1 the forcing of elements into unnatural combinations1 so to speak1 by the power of the sun acting through the instrumentality of vegetation1 in order that they may subsequently1 in the animal system1 give out that power again by the effort they make to release themselves from the coercion imposed upon them1 and to return to the natural unions in which they can find again stability and repose4 ,one of the chief elements employed in the formation of these weakly-combined substances is nitrogen--its compounds being designated as nitrogenous substances1 and noted1 as a class1 for the facility with which they are decomposed4 ,nitrogen is1 in fact1 the great weak-holder of nature4 ,young students in chemistry1 when they learn that nitrogen is distinguished by the weakness of its affinities for other elements1 and its consequent great inertness as a chemical agent1 are often astonished to find that its compounds--such as nitric acid1 nitre1 which gives its explosive character to gunpowder1 nitro-glycerine1 gun-cotton1 and various other explosive substances which it helps to form--are among the most remarkable in nature for the violence and intensity of their action1 and for the extent to which the principle of vitality avails itself of them as magazines of force1 upon which to draw in the fulfillment of its various functions4 #ahf ,,gentle ,,measures4 ,but this is really just what should be expected4 ,it is the very weakness of the hold which nitrogen maintains upon the elements combined with it that facilitates their release1 and affords them the opportunity to seize with so much avidity and violence on those for which they have a strong attraction4 ,it is as if a huntsman should conduct a pack of ferocious dogs into a field occupied by a flock of sheep1 quietly grazing1 holding the dogs securely by very strong leashes4 ,the quiet and repose of the field might not be seriously disturbed2 but if1 on the other hand1 a child comes in1 leading the dogs by threads which they can easily sunder1 a scene of the greatest violence and confusion would ensue4 ,in the same manner1 when nitrogen1 holding the particles of oxygen with which it is combined in the compounds above named by a very feeble control1 brings them into the presence of other substances for which they have a very strong affinity1 they release themselves at once from their weak custodian1 and rush into the combinations which their nature demands with so much avidity as to produce combustions1 deflagrations1 and explosions of the most violent character4 ,the force which the elements display in these reunions is always--and this is one aspect of the great discovery of modern times in respect to the persistence or constancy of force which has already been referred to--precisely the same in amount as that which was required for dissevering them from their original combinations with such substances at some previous time4 ,the processes of vegetation are the chief means employed for effecting the original separations1 by the power of the sun1 and for forming the unstable compounds by which this power is held in reserve4 ,the animal system1 on the other hand1 takes in these compounds1 remodels them so far as is required to adapt them to its structure1 assimilates them1 and then1 as occasion requires quires1 it releases the concealed force1 which then manifests itself in the forms of animal heat1 of muscular motion1 and of cerebral and nervous power4 ,in what way1 and to what extent1 the knowledge of these truths should influence us in the management and training of children in respect to their extraordinary activity1 is the question we have next to consider4 ,practical ,applications of these ,principles4 ,if we watch a bird for a little while hopping along upon the ground1 and up and down between the ground and the branches of a tree1 we shall at first be surprised at his incessant activity1 and next1 if we reflect a little1 at the utter aimlessness and uselessness of it4 ,he runs a little way along the path2 then he hops up upon a twig1 then down again upon the ground2 then makes believe peck at something which he imagines or pretends that he sees in the grass2 then1 canting his head to one side and upward1 the branch of a tree there happens to strike his eye1 upon which he at once flies up to it4 ,perching himself upon it for the moment1 he utters a burst of joyous song1 and then1 instantly afterwards1 down he comes upon the ground again1 runs along1 stops1 runs along a little farther1 stops again1 looks around him a moment1 as if wondering what to do next1 and then flies off out of our field of view4 ,if we could follow1 and had patience to watch him so long1 we should find him continuing this incessantly changing but never-ceasing activity all the day long4 ,we sometimes imagine that the bird's movements are to be explained by supposing that he is engaged in the search for food in these evolutions4 ,but when we reflect how small a quantity of food his little crop will contain1 we shall be at once convinced that a large proportion of his apparent pecking for food is only make-believe1 and that he moves thus incessantly not so much on account of the end he seeks to attain by it1 as on account of the very pleasure of the motion4 ,he hops about and pecks1 not for the love of any thing he expects to find1 but just for the love of hopping and pecking4 ,the real explanation is that the food which he has taken is delivering up1 within his system1 the force stored in it that was received originally from the beams of the sun1 while the plant which produced it was growing4 ,this force must have an outlet1 and it finds this outlet in the incessant activity of the bird's muscles and brain4 ,the various objects which attract his attention without1 invite the force to expend itself in certain special directions2 but the impelling cause is within1 and not without2 and were there nothing without to serve as objects for its action1 the necessity of its action would be none the less imperious4 ,the lion1 when imprisoned in his cage1 walks to and fro continuously1 if there is room for him to take two steps and turn2 and if there is not room for this1 he moves his head incessantly from side to side4 ,the force within him1 which his vital organs are setting at liberty from its imprisonment in his food1 must in some way find issue4 ,mothers do not often stop to speculate upon1 and may even1 perhaps1 seldom observe the restless and incessant activity of birds1 but that of their children forces itself upon their attention by its effects in disturbing their own quiet avocations and pleasures2 and they often wonder what can be the inducement which leads to such a perpetual succession of movements made apparently without motive or end4 ,and1 not perceiving any possible inducement to account for it1 they are apt to consider this restless activity so causeless and unreasonable as to make it a fault for which the child is to be censured or punished1 or which they are to attempt to cure by means of artificial restraints4 ,they would not attempt such repressions as this if they were aware that all this muscular and mental energy of action in the child is only the outward manifestation of an inward force developed in a manner wholly independent of its will--a force1 too1 which must spend itself in some way or other1 and that1 if not allowed to do this in its own way1 by impelling the limbs and members to outward action1 it will do so by destroying the delicate mechanism within4 ,we see this in the case of men who are doomed for long periods to solitary confinement4 ,the force derived from their food1 and released within their systems by the vital processes1 being cut off by the silence and solitude of the dungeon from all usual and natural outlets1 begins to work mischief within1 by disorganizing the cerebral and other vital organs1 and producing insanity and death4 ,common ,mistake4 ,we make a great mistake when we imagine that children are influenced in their activity mainly by a desire for the objects which they attain by it4 ,it is not the ends attained1 but the pleasurable feeling which the action of the internal force1 issuing by its natural channels1 affords them1 and the sense of power which accompanies the action4 ,an end which presents itself to be attained invites this force to act in one direction rather than another1 but it is the action1 and not the end1 in which the charm resides4 ,give a child a bow and arrow1 and send him out into the yard to try it1 and if he does not happen to see any thing to shoot at1 he will shoot at random into the air4 ,but if there is any object which will serve as a mark in sight1 it seems to have the effect of drawing his aim towards it4 ,he shoots at the vane on the barn1 at an apple on a tree1 a knot in a fence--any thing which will serve the purpose of a mark4 ,this is not because he has any end to accomplish in hitting the vane1 the apple1 or the knot1 but only because there is an impulse within him leading him to shoot1 and if there happens to be any thing to shoot at1 it gives that impulse a direction4 ,it is precisely the same with the incessant muscular activity of a child4 ,he comes into a room and sits down in the first seat that he sees4 ,then he jumps up and runs to another1 then to another1 until he has tried all the seats in the room4 ,this is not because he particularly wishes to try the seats4 ,he wishes to move1 and the seats happen to be at hand1 and they simply give direction to the impulse4 ,if he were out of doors1 the same office would be fulfilled by a fence which he might climb over1 instead of going through an open gate close by2 or a wall that he could walk upon with difficulty1 instead of going1 without difficulty1 along a path at the foot of it2 or a pole which he could try to climb1 when there was no motive for climbing it but a desire to make muscular exertion2 or a steep bank where he can scramble up1 when there is nothing that he wishes for on the top of it4 ,in other words1 the things that children do are not done for the sake of the things1 but for the sake of the doing4 ,parents very often do not understand this1 and are accordingly continually asking such foolish questions as1 ,george1 what do you wish to climb over that fence for1 when there is a gate all open close by8 ,james1 what good do you expect to get by climbing up that tree1 when you know there is nothing on it1 not even a bird's nest8 and1 ,lucy1 what makes you keep jumping up all the time and running about to different places8 ,why can't you1 when you get a good seat1 sit still in it8 ,the children1 if they understood the philosophy of the case1 might answer1 ,we don't climb over the fence at all because we wish to be on the other side of it2 or scramble up the bank for the sake of any thing that is on the top of it2 or run about to different places because we wish to be in the places particularly4 ,it is the internal force that is in us working itself off1 and it works itself off in the ways that come most readily to hand4 ,various ,modes in which the ,reserved ,force reappears4 ,the force thus stored in the food and liberated within the system by the vital processes1 finds scope for action in several different ways1 prominent among which are1 ,first1 in the production of animal heat2 ,secondly1 in muscular contractions and the motions of the limbs and members resulting from them2 and ,thirdly1 in mental phenomena connected with the action of the brain and the nerves4 ,this last branch of the subject is yet enveloped in great mystery2 but the proof seems to be decisive that the nervous system of man comprises organs which are actively exercised in the performance of mental operations1 and that in this exercise they consume important portions of the vital force4 ,if1 for example1 a child is actually engaged at play1 and we direct him to take a seat and sit still1 he will find it very difficult to do so4 ,the inward force will soon begin to struggle within him to find an issue4 ,but if1 while he is so sitting1 we begin to relate to him some very surprising or exciting story1 to occupy his mind1 he will become motionless1 and very likely remain so until the story is ended4 ,it is supposed that in such cases the force is drawn off1 so to speak1 through the cerebral organs which it is employed in keeping in play1 as the instruments by which the emotions and ideas which the story awakens in the mind are evolved4 ,this part of the subject1 as has already been remarked1 is full of mystery2 but the general fact that a portion of the force derived from the food is expended in actions of the brain and nervous system seems well established4 ,indeed1 the whole subject of the reception and the storing up of force from the sun by the processes of vegetable and animal life1 and the subsequent liberation of it in the fulfillment of the various functions of the animal system1 is full of difficulties and mysteries4 ,it is only a very simple view of the general principle which is presented in these articles4 ,in nature the operations are not simple at all4 ,they are involved in endless complications which are yet only to a very limited extent unravelled4 ,the general principle is1 however1 well established2 and if understood1 even as a general principle1 by parents and teachers1 it will greatly modify their action in dealing with the incessant restlessness and activity of the young4 ,it will teach them1 among other things1 the following practical rules3 ,practical ,rules4 #a4 ,never find fault with children for their incapacity to keep still4 ,you may stop the supply of force1 if you will1 by refusing to give them food2 but if you continue the supply1 you must not complain of its manifesting itself in action4 ,after giving your boy his breakfast1 to find fault with him for being incessantly in motion when his system has absorbed it1 is simply to find fault with him for being healthy and happy4 ,to give children food and then to restrain the resulting activity1 is conduct very analogous to that of the engineer who should lock the action of his engine1 turn all the stop-cocks1 and shut down the safety-valve1 while he still went on all the time putting in coal under the boiler4 ,the least that he could expect would be a great hissing and fizzling at all the joints of his machine2 and it would be only by means of such a degree of looseness in the joints as would allow of the escape of the imprisoned force in this way that could prevent the repression ending in a frightful catastrophe4 ,now1 nine-tenths of the whispering and playing of children in school1 and of the noise1 the rudeness1 and the petty mischief of children at home1 is just this hissing and fizzling of an imprisoned power1 and nothing more4 ,in a word1 we must favor and promote1 by every means in our power1 the activity of children1 not censure and repress it4 ,we may endeavor to turn it aside from wrong channels--that is1 to prevent its manifesting itself in ways injurious to them or annoying to others4 ,we must not1 however1 attempt to divert it from these channels by damming it up1 but by opening other channels that will draw it away in better directions4 #b4 ,in encouraging the activity of children1 and in guiding the direction of it in their hours of play1 we must not expect to make it available for useful results1 other than that of promoting their own physical development and health4 ,at least1 we can do this only in a very limited degree4 ,almost all useful results require for their attainment a long continuance of efforts of the same kind--that is1 expenditure of the vital force by the continued action of the same organs4 ,now1 it is a principle of nature that while the organs of an animal system are in process of formation and growth1 they can exercise their power only for a very brief period at a time without exhaustion4 ,this necessitates on the part of all young animals incessant changes of action1 or alternations of action and repose4 ,a farmer of forty years of age1 whose organs are well developed and mature1 will chop wood all day without excessive fatigue4 ,then1 when he comes home at night1 he will sit for three hours in the evening upon the settle by his fireside1 thinking--his mind occupied1 perhaps1 upon the details of the management of his farm1 or upon his plans for the following day4 ,the vital force thus expends itself for many successive hours through his muscles1 and then1 while his muscles are at rest1 it finds its egress for several other hours through the brain4 ,but in the child the mode of action must change every few minutes4 ,he is made tired with five minutes' labor4 ,he is satisfied with five minutes' rest4 ,he will ride his rocking-horse1 if alone1 a short time1 and then he comes to you to ask you to tell him a story4 ,while listening to the story1 his muscles are resting1 and the force is spending its strength in working the mechanism of the brain4 ,if you make your story too long1 the brain1 in turn1 becomes fatigued1 and he feels instinctively impelled to divert the vital force again into muscular action4 ,if1 instead of being alone with his rocking-horse1 he has company there1 he will seem to continue his bodily effort a long time2 but he does not really do so1 for he stops continually1 to talk with his companion1 thus allowing his muscles to rest for a brief period1 during which the vital force expends its strength in carrying on trains of thought and emotion through the brain4 ,he is not to be blamed for this seeming capriciousness4 ,these frequent changes in the mode of action are a necessity1 and this necessity evidently unfits him for any kind of monotonous or continued exertion--the only kind which1 in ordinary cases1 can be made conducive to any useful results4 #c4 ,parents at home and teachers at school must recognize these physiological laws1 relating to the action of the young1 and make their plans and arrangements conform to them4 ,the periods of confinement to any one mode of action in the very young1 and especially mental action1 must be short2 and they must alternate frequently with other modes4 ,that rapid succession of bodily movements and of mental ideas1 and the emotions mingling and alternating with them1 which constitutes what children call play1 must be regarded not simply as an indulgence1 but as a necessity for them4 ,the play must be considered as essential as the study1 and that not merely for the very young but for all1 up to the age of maturity4 ,for older pupils1 in the best institutions of the country1 some suitable provision is made for this want2 but the mothers of young children at home are often at a loss by what means to effect this purpose1 and many are very imperfectly aware of the desirableness1 and even the necessity1 of doing this4 ,as for the means of accomplishing the object--that is1 providing channels for the complete expenditure of this force in the safest and most agreeable manner for the child1 and the least inconvenient and troublesome for others1 much must depend upon the tact1 the ingenuity1 and the discretion of the mother4 ,it will1 however1 be a great point gained for her when she once fully comprehends that the tendency to incessant activity1 and even to turbulence and noise1 on the part of her child1 only shows that he is all right in his vital machinery1 and that this exuberance of energy is something to be pleased with and directed1 not denounced and restrained4 ,,chapter ,,xv4 ,,the ,,imagination ,,in ,,children4 ,the reader may1 perhaps1 recollect that in the last chapter there was an intimation that a portion of the force which was produced1 or rather liberated and brought into action1 by the consumption of food in the vital system1 expended itself in the development of thoughts1 emotions1 and other forms of mental action1 through the organization of the brain and of the nerves4 ,expenditure of ,force through the ,brain4 ,the whole subject of the expenditure of material force in maintaining those forms of mental action which are carried on through the medium of bodily organs1 it must be admitted1 is involved in great obscurity2 for it is only a glimmering of light which science has yet been able to throw into this field4 ,it is1 however1 becoming the settled opinion1 among all well-informed persons1 that the soul1 during the time of its connection with a material system in this life1 performs many of those functions which we class as mental1 through the medium1 or instrumentality1 in some mysterious way1 of material organs1 just as we all know is the case with the sensations--that is1 the impressions made through the organs of sense2 and that the maintaining of these mental organs1 so to speak1 in action1 involves a certain expenditure of some form of physical force1 the source of this force being in the food that is consumed in the nourishment of the body4 ,there is certainly no apparent reason why there should be any antecedent presumption against the supposition that the soul performs the act of remembering or of conceiving an imaginary scene through the instrumentality of a bodily organ1 more than that it should receive a sensation of light or of sound through such a channel4 ,the question of the independent existence and the immateriality of the thinking and feeling principle1 which takes cognizance of these thoughts and sensations1 is not at all affected by any inquiries into the nature of the instrumentality by means of which1 in a particular stage of its existence1 it performs these functions4 ,phenomena explained by this ,principle4 ,this truth1 if it be indeed a truth1 throws great light on what would be otherwise quite inexplicable in the playful activity of the mental faculties of children4 ,the curious fantasies1 imaginings1 and make-believes--the pleasure of listening to marvellous and impossible tales1 and of hearing odd and unpronounceable words or combination of words --the love of acting1 and of disguises--of the impersonation of inanimate objects--of seeing things as they are not1 and of creating and giving reality to what has no existence except in their own minds--are all the gambollings and frolics1 so to speak1 of the embryo faculties just becoming conscious of their existence1 and affording1 like the muscles of motion1 so many different issues for the internal force derived from the food4 ,thus the action of the mind of a child1 in holding an imaginary conversation with a doll1 or in inventing or in relating an impossible fairy story1 or in converting a switch on which he pretends to be riding into a prancing horse1 is precisely analogous to that of the muscles of the lamb1 or the calf1 or any other young animal in its gambols--that is1 it is the result of the force which the vital functions are continually developing within the system1 and which flows and must flow continually out through whatever channels are open to it2 and in thus flowing1 sets all the various systems of machinery into play1 each in its own appropriate manner4 ,in any other view of the subject than this1 many of the phenomena of childhood would be still more wonderful and inexplicable than they are4 ,one would have supposed1 for example1 that the imagination--being1 as is commonly thought1 one of the most exalted and refined of the mental faculties of man--would be one of the latest1 in the order of time1 to manifest itself in the development of the mind2 instead of which it is1 in fact1 one of the earliest4 ,children live1 in a great measure1 from the earliest age in an ideal world--their pains and their pleasures1 their joys and their fears being1 to a vast extent1 the concomitants of phantasms and illusions having often the slightest bond of connection with the realities around them4 ,the realities themselves1 moreover1 often have far greater influence over them by what they suggest than by what they are4 ,indeed1 the younger the child is1 within reasonable limits1 the more susceptible he seems to be to the power of the imagination1 and the more easily his mind and heart are reached and influenced through this avenue4 ,at a very early period the realities of actual existence and the phantasms of the mind seem inseparably mingled1 and it is only after much experience and a considerable development of his powers1 that the line of distinction between them becomes defined4 ,the power of investing an elongated bag of bran with the attributes and qualities of a thinking being1 so as to make it an object of solicitude and affection1 which would seem to imply a high exercise of one of the most refined and exalted of the human faculties1 does not come1 as we might have expected1 at the end of a long period of progress and development1 but springs into existence1 as it were1 at once1 in the very earliest years4 ,the progress and development are required to enable the child to perceive that the rude and shapeless doll is not a living and lovable thing4 ,this mingling of the real and imaginary worlds shows itself to the close observer in a thousand curious ways4 ,the true explanation of the phenomenon seems to be that the various embryo faculties are brought into action by the vital force at first in a very irregular1 intermingled1 and capricious manner1 just as the muscles are in the endless and objectless play of the limbs and members4 ,they develop themselves and grow by this very action1 and we ought not only to indulge1 but to cherish the action in all its beautiful manifestations by every means in our power4 ,these mental organs1 so to speak--that is1 the organs of the brain1 through which1 while its connection with the body continues1 the mind performs its mental functions--grow and thrive1 as the muscles do1 by being reasonably kept in exercise4 ,it is evident1 from these facts1 that the parent should be pleased with1 and should encourage the exercise of these embryo powers in his children2 and both father and mother may be greatly aided in their efforts to devise means for reaching and influencing their hearts by means of them1 and especially through the action of the imagination1 which will be found1 when properly employed1 to be capable of exercising an almost magical power of imparting great attractiveness and giving great effect to lessons of instruction which1 in their simple form1 would be dull1 tiresome1 and ineffective4 ,precisely what is meant by this will be shown more clearly by some examples4 ,methods exemplified4 ,one of the simplest and easiest modes by which a mother can avail herself of the vivid imagination of the child in amusing and entertaining him1 is by holding conversations with representations of persons1 or even of animals1 in the pictures which she shows him4 ,thus1 in the case1 for example1 of a picture which she is showing to her child sitting in her lap--the picture containing1 we will suppose1 a representation of a little girl with books under her arm--she may say1 ,my little girl1 where are you going8--,i am going 7speaking now in a somewhat altered voice1 to represent the voice of the little girl7 to school4--,ah6 you are going to school4 ,you don't look quite old enough to go to school4 ,who sits next to you at school8--,george ,williams4--,george ,williams8 ,is he a good boy8--,yes1 he's a very good boy4--,i am glad you have a good boy1 and one that is kind to you1 to sit by you4 ,that must be very pleasant4 ,and so on1 as long as the child is interested in listening4 ,or1 ,what is your name1 my little girl8--,my name is ,lucy4--,that's a pretty name6 ,and where do you live8--,i live in that house under the trees4--,ah6 ,i see the house4 ,and where is your room in that house8--,my room is the one where you see the window open4--,i see it4 ,what have you got in your room8--,i have a bed1 and a table by the window2 and ,i keep my doll there4 ,i have got a cradle for my doll1 and a little trunk to keep her clothes in4 ,and ,i have got-- ,the mother may go on in this way1 and describe a great number and variety of objects in the room1 such as are calculated to interest and please the little listener4 ,it is the pleasurable exercise of some dawning faculty or faculties acting through embryo organs of the brain1 by which the mind can picture to itself1 more or less vividly1 unreal scenes1 which is the source of the enjoyment in such cases as this4 ,a child may be still more interested1 perhaps1 by imaginary conversations of this kind with pictures of animals1 and by varying the form of them in such a way as to call a new set of mental faculties into play2 as1 for example1 ,here is a picture of a squirrel4 ,i'll ask him where he lives4 ',bunny6 bunny6 stop a minute2 ,i want to speak to you4 ,i want you to tell me where you live4--,i live in my hole4--,where is your hole8--,it is under that big log that you see back in the woods4' ,yes 7speaking now to the child71 ,i see the log4 ,do you see it8 ,touch it with your finger4 ,yes1 that must be it4 ,but ,i don't see any hole4 ',bunny' 7assuming now the tone of speaking again to the squirrel71 ',i don't see your hole4--,no1 ,i did not mean that any body should see it4 ,i made it in a hidden place in the ground1 so as to have it out of sight4--,i wish ,i could see it1 and ,i wish more that ,i could look down into it and see what is there4 ,what is there in your hole1 bunny8--,my nest is there1 and my little bunnies4--,how many little bunnies have you got8'--,and so on1 to any extent that you desire4 ,it is obvious that conversations of this kind may be made the means of conveying1 indirectly1 a great deal of instruction to young children on a great variety of subjects2 and lessons of duty may be inculcated thus in a very effective manner1 and by a method which is at the same time easy and agreeable for the mother1 and extremely attractive to the child4 ,this may seem a very simple thing1 and it is really very simple2 but any mother who has never resorted to this method of amusing and instructing her child will be surprised to find what an easy and inexhaustible resource for her it may become4 ,children are always coming to ask for stories1 and the mother often has no story at hand1 and her mind is too much preoccupied to invent one4 ,here is a ready resort in every such emergency4 ,very well1 replies the mother to such a request1 ,i'll tell you a story2 but ,i must have a picture to my story4 ,find me a picture in some book4 ,the child brings a picture1 no matter what4 ,there is no possible picture that will not suggest to a person possessed of ordinary ingenuity an endless number of talks to interest and amuse the child4 ,to take an extreme case1 suppose the picture is a rude pencil drawing of a post1 and nothing besides4 ,you can imagine a boy hidden behind the post1 and you can call to him1 and finally obtain an answer from him1 and have a long talk with him about his play and who he is hiding from1 and what other way he has of playing with his friend4 ,or you can talk with the post directly4 ,ask him where he came from1 who put him in the ground1 and what he was put in the ground for1 and what kind of a tree he was when he was a part of a tree growing in the woods2 and1 following the subject out1 the conversation may be the means of not only amusing the child for the moment1 but also of gratifying his curiosity1 and imparting a great amount of useful information to him which will materially aid in the development of his powers4 ,or you may ask the post whether he has any relatives1 and he may reply that he has a great many cousins4 ,he has some cousins that live in the city1 and they are called lamp-posts1 and their business is to hold lamps to light people along the streets2 and he has some other cousins who stand in a long row and hold up the telegraph-wire to carry messages from one part of the world to another2 and so on without end4 ,if all this may done by means of a rude representation of a simple post1 it may easily be seen that no picture which the child can possibly bring can fail to serve as a subject for such conversations4 ,some mothers may1 perhaps1 think it must require a great deal of ingenuity and skill to carry out these ideas effectively in practice1 and that is true2 or rather1 it is true that there is in it scope for the exercise of a great deal of ingenuity and skill1 and even of genius1 for those who possess these qualities2 but the degree of ingenuity required for a commencement in this method is very small1 and that necessary for complete success in it is very easily acquired4 ,personification of ,inanimate ,objects4 ,it will at once occur to the mother that any inanimate object may be personified in this way and addressed as a living and intelligent being4 ,your child is sick1 ,i will suppose1 and is somewhat feverish and fretful4 ,in adjusting his dress you prick him a little with a pin1 and the pain and annoyance acting on his morbid sensibilities bring out expressions of irritation and ill-humor4 ,now you may1 if you please1 tell him that he must not be so impatient1 that you did not mean to hurt him1 that he must not mind a little prick1 and the like1 and you will meet with the ordinary success that attends such admonitions4 ,or1 in the spirit of the foregoing suggestions1 you may say1 ,did the pin prick you8 ,i'll catch the little rogue1 and hear what he has to say for himself4 ,ah1 here he is--,i've caught him6 ,i'll hold him fast4 ,lie still in my lap1 and we will hear what he has to say4 ',look up here1 my little prickler1 and tell me what your name is4--,my name is pin4--,ah1 your name is pin1 is it8 ,how bright you are6 ,how came you to be so bright8--,oh1 they brightened me when they made me4--,indeed6 ,and how did they make you8--,they made me in a machine4--,in a machine8 ,that's very curious6 ,how did they make you in the machine8 ,tell us all about it6--,they made me out of wire4 ,first the machine cut off a piece of the wire long enough to make me1 and then ,i was carried around to different parts of the machine to have different things done to me4 ,i went first to one part to get straightened4 ,don't you see how straight ,i am8--,yes1 you are very straight indeed4--,then ,i went to another part of the machine and had my head put on2 and then ,i went to another part and had my point sharpened2 and then ,i was polished1 and covered all over with a beautiful silvering1 to make me bright and white4' ,and so on indefinitely4 ,the mother may continue the talk as long as the child is interested1 by letting the pin give an account of the various adventures that happened to it in the course of its life1 and finally call it to account for pricking a poor little sick child4 ,any mother can judge whether such a mode of treating the case1 or the more usual one of gravely exhorting the child to patience and good-humor1 when sick1 is likely to be most effectual in soothing the nervous irritation of the little patient1 and restoring its mind to a condition of calmness and repose4 ,the mother who reads these suggestions in a cursory manner1 and contents herself with saying that they are very good1 but makes no resolute and persevering effort to acquire for herself the ability to avail herself of them1 will have no idea of the immense practical value of them as a means of aiding her in her work1 and in promoting the happiness of her children4 ,but if she will make the attempt1 she will most certainly find enough encouragement in her first effort to induce her to persevere4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,imaginative ,,faculty4 ,she must1 moreover1 not only originate1 herself1 modes of amusing the imagination of her children1 but must fall in with and aid those which they originate4 ,if your little daughter is playing with her doll1 look up from your work and say a few words to the doll or the child in a grave and serious manner1 assuming that the doll is a living and sentient being4 ,if your boy is playing horses in the garden while you are there attending to your flowers1 ask him with all gravity what he values his horse at1 and whether he wishes to sell him4 ,ask him whether he ever bites1 or breaks out of his pasture2 and give him some advice about not driving him too fast up hill1 and not giving him oats when he is warm4 ,he will at once enter into such a conversation in the most serious manner1 and the pleasure of his play will be greatly increased by your joining with him in maintaining the illusion4 ,there is a still more important advantage than the temporary increase to your children's happiness by acting on this principle4 ,by thus joining with them1 even for a few moments1 in their play1 you establish a closer bond of sympathy between your own heart and theirs1 and attach them to you more strongly than you can do by any other means4 ,indeed1 in many cases the most important moral lessons can be conveyed in connection with these illusions of children1 and in a way not only more agreeable but far more effective than by any other method4 ,influence without ,claim to ,authority4 ,acting through the imagination of children--if the art of doing so is once understood--will prove at once an invaluable and an inexhaustible resource for all those classes of persons who are placed in situations requiring them to exercise an influence over children without having any proper authority over them2 such1 for example1 as uncles and aunts1 older brothers and sisters1 and even visitors residing more or less permanently in a family1 and desirous1 from a wish to do good1 of promoting the welfare and the improvement of the younger members of it4 ,it often happens that such a visitor1 without any actual right of authority1 acquires a greater influence over the minds of the children than the parents themselves2 and many a mother1 who1 with all her threatenings and scoldings1 and even punishments1 can not make herself obeyed1 is surprised at the absolute ascendency which some inmate residing in the family acquires over them by means so silent1 gentle1 and unpretending1 that they seem mysterious and almost magical4 ,what is the secret of it8 asks the mother sometimes in such a case4 ,you never punish the children1 and you never scold them1 and yet they obey you a great deal more readily and certainly than they do me4 ,there are a great many different means which may be employed in combination with each other for acquiring this kind of ascendency1 and among them the use which may be made of the power of the imagination in the young is one of the most important4 ,the ,intermediation of the ,dolls again4 ,a young teacher1 for example1 in returning from school some day1 finds the children of the family in which she resides1 who have been playing with their dolls in the yard1 engaged in some angry dispute4 ,the first impulse with many persons in such a case might be to sit down with the children upon the seat where they were playing1 and remonstrate with them1 though in a very kind and gentle manner1 on the wrongfulness and folly of such disputings1 to show them that the thing in question is not worth disputing about1 that angry feelings are uncomfortable and unhappy feelings1 and that it is1 consequently1 not only a sin1 but a folly to indulge in them4 ,now such a remonstrance1 if given in a kind and gentle manner1 will undoubtedly do good4 ,the children will be somewhat less likely to become involved in such a dispute immediately after it than before1 and in process of time1 and through many repetitions of such counsels1 the fault may be gradually cured4 ,still1 at the time1 it will make the children uncomfortable1 by producing in their minds a certain degree of irritation4 ,they will be very apt to listen in silence1 and with a morose and sullen air2 and if they do not call the admonition a scolding1 on account of the kind and gentle tones in which it is delivered1 they will be very apt to consider it much in that light4 ,suppose1 however1 that1 instead of dealing with the case in this matter-of-fact and naked way1 the teacher calls the imagination of the children to her aid1 and administers her admonition and reproof indirectly1 through the dolls4 ,she takes the dolls in her hand1 asks their names1 and inquires which of the two girls is the mother of each4 ,the dolls' names are ,bella and ,araminta1 and the mothers' are ,lucy and ,mary4 ,but ,i might have asked ,araminta herself1 she adds2 and1 so saying1 she holds the doll before her1 and enters into a long imaginary conversation with her1 more or less spirited and original1 according to the talent and ingenuity of the young lady1 but1 in any conceivable case1 enough so to completely absorb the attention of the children and fully to occupy their minds4 ,she asks each of them her name1 and inquires of each which of the girls is her mother1 and makes first one of them1 and then the other1 point to her mother in giving her answer4 ,by this time the illusion is completely established in the children's minds of regarding their dolls as living beings1 responsible to mothers for their conduct and behavior2 and the young lady can go on and give her admonitions and instructions in respect to the sin and folly of quarrelling to them--the children listening4 ,and it will be found that by this management the impression upon the minds of the children will be far greater and more effective than if the counsels were addressed directly to them2 while1 at the same time1 though they may even take the form of very severe reproof1 they will produce no sullenness or vexation in the minds of those for whom they are really intended4 ,indeed1 the very reason why the admonition thus given will be so much more effective is the fact that it does not tend in any degree to awaken resentment and vexation1 but associates the lesson which the teacher wishes to convey with amusement and pleasure4 ,you are very pretty--she says1 we will suppose1 addressing the dolls--and you look very amiable4 ,i suppose you are very amiable4 ,then1 turning to the children1 she asks1 in a confidential undertone1 ,do they ever get into disputes and quarrels8 ,sometimes1 says one of the children1 entering at once into the idea of the teacher4 ,ah6 the teacher exclaims1 turning again to the dolls4 ,i hear that you dispute and quarrel sometimes1 and ,i am very sorry for it4 ,that is very foolish4 ,it is only silly little children that we expect will dispute and quarrel4 ,i should not have supposed it possible in the case of such young ladies as you4 ,it is a great deal better to be yielding and kind4 ,if one of you says something that the other thinks is not true1 let it pass without contradiction2 it is foolish to dispute about it4 ,and so if one has any thing that the other wants1 it is generally much better to wait for it than to quarrel4 ,it is hateful to quarrel4 ,besides1 it spoils your beauty4 ,when children are quarrelling they look like little furies4 ,the teacher may go on in this way1 and give a long moral lecture to the dolls in a tone of mock gravity1 and the children will listen to it with the most profound attention2 and it will have a far greater influence upon them than the same admonitions addressed directly to them4 ,so effectually1 in fact1 will this element of play in the transaction open their hearts to the reception of good counsel1 that even direct admonitions to them will be admitted with it1 if the same guise is maintained2 for the teacher may add1 in conclusion1 addressing now the children themselves with the same mock solemnity3 ,that is a very bad fault of your children--very bad1 indeed4 ,and it is one that you will find very hard to correct4 ,you must give them a great deal of good counsel on the subject1 and1 above all1 you must be careful to set them a good example yourselves4 ,children always imitate what they see in their mothers1 whether it is good or bad4 ,if you are always amiable and kind to one another1 they will be so too4 ,the thoughtful mother1 in following out the suggestions here given1 will see at once how the interest which the children take in their dolls1 and the sense of reality which they feel in respect to all their dealings with them1 opens before her a boundless field in respect to modes of reaching and influencing their minds and hearts4 ,the ,ball itself made to teach ,carefulness4 ,there is literally no end to the modes by which persons having the charge of young children can avail themselves of their vivid imaginative powers in inculcating moral lessons or influencing their conduct4 ,a boy1 we will suppose1 has a new ball4 ,just as he is going out to play with it his father takes it from him to examine it1 and1 after turning it round and looking at it attentively on every side1 holds it up to his ear4 ,the boy asks what his father is doing4 ,i am listening to hear what he says4 ,and what does he say1 father8 ,he says that you won't have him to play with long4 ,why not8 ,i will ask him1 why not8 7holding the ball again to his ear74 ,what does he say1 father8 ,he says he is going to run away from you and hide4 ,he says you will go to play near some building1 and he means1 when you throw him or knock him1 to fly against the windows and break the glass1 and then people will take your ball away from you4 ,but ,i won't play near any windows4 ,he says1 at any rate you will play near some building1 and when you knock him he means to fly up to the roof and get behind a chimney1 or roll down into the gutter where you can't get him4 ,but1 father1 ,i am not going to play near any building at all4 ,then you will play in some place where there are holes in the ground1 or thickets of bushes near1 where he can hide4 ,no1 father1 ,i mean to look well over the ground1 and not play in any place where there is any danger at all4 ,well1 we shall see2 but the little rogue is determined to hide somewhere4 ,the boy takes his ball and goes out to play with it1 far more effectually cautioned than he could have been by any direct admonition4 ,the ,teacher and the ,tough ,logs ,a teacher who was engaged in a district school in the country1 where the arrangement was for the older boys to saw and split the wood for the fire1 on coming one day1 at the recess1 to see how the work was going on1 found that the boys had laid one rather hard-looking log aside4 ,they could not split that log1 they said4 ,yes1 said the teacher1 looking at the log1 ,i don't wonder4 ,i know that log4 ,i saw him before4 ,his name is ,old ,gnarly4 ,he says he has no idea of coming open for a parcel of boys1 even if they have got beetle and wedges4 ,it takes a man1 he says1 to split him4 ,the boys stood looking at the log with a very grave expression of countenance as they heard these words4 ,is that what he says8 asked one of them4 ,let's try him again1 ,joe4 ,it will do no good1 said the teacher1 for he won't come open1 if he can possibly help it4 ,and there's another fellow 7pointing74 ,his name is ,slivertwist4 ,if you get a crack in him1 you will find him full of twisted splinters that he holds himself together with4 ,the only way is to cut them through with a sharp axe4 ,but he holds on so tight with them that ,i don't believe you can get him open4 ,he says he never gives up to boys4 ,so saying1 the teacher went away4 ,it is scarcely necessary to say to any one who knows boys that the teacher was called out not long afterwards to see that ,old ,gnarly and ,old ,slivertwist were both split up fine--the boys standing around the heaps of well-prepared fire-wood which they had afforded1 and regarding them with an air of exultation and triumph4 ,muscles reinvigorated through the ,action of the ,mind4 ,an older sister has been taking a walk1 with little ,johnny1 four years old1 as her companion4 ,on their return1 when within half a mile of home1 ,johnny1 tired of gathering flowers and chasing butterflies1 comes to his sister1 with a fatigued and languid air1 and says he can not walk any farther1 and wants to be carried4 ,i can't carry you very well1 she says1 but ,i will tell you what we will do2 we will stop at the first tavern we come to and rest4 ,do you see that large flat stone out there at the turn of the road8 ,that is the tavern1 and you shall be my courier4 ,a courier is a man that goes forward as fast as he can on his horse1 and tells the tavern-keeper that the traveller is coming1 and orders supper4 ,so you may gallop on as fast as you can go1 and1 when you get to the tavern1 tell the tavern-keeper that the princess is coming--,i am the princess--and that he must get ready an excellent supper4 ,the boy will gallop on and wait at the stone4 ,when his sister arrives she may sit and rest with him a moment1 entertaining him by imagining conversations with the inn-keeper1 and then resume their walk4 ,now1 she may say1 ,i must send my courier to the post-office with a letter4 ,do you see that fence away forward8 ,that fence is the post-office4 ,we will play that one of the cracks between the boards is the letter-box4 ,take this letter 7handing him any little scrap of paper which she has taken from her pocket and folded to represent a letter7 and put it in the letter-box1 and speak to the postmaster through the crack1 and tell him to send the letter as soon as he can4 ,under such management as this1 unless the child's exhaustion is very great1 his sense of it will disappear1 and he will accomplish the walk not only without any more complaining1 but with a great feeling of pleasure4 ,the nature of the action in such a case seems to be that the vital force1 when1 in its direct and ordinary passage to the muscles through the nerves1 it has exhausted the resources of that mode of transmission1 receives in some mysterious way a reinforcement to its strength in passing round1 by a new channel1 through the organs of intelligence and imagination4 ,these trivial instances are only given as examples to show how infinitely varied are the applications which may be made of this principle of appealing to the imagination of children1 and what a variety of effects may be produced through its instrumentality by a parent or teacher who once takes pains to make himself possessed of it4 ,but each one must make himself possessed of it by his own practice and experience4 ,no general instructions can do any thing more than to offer the suggestion1 and to show how a beginning is to be made4 ,,chapter ,,xvi4 ,,truth ,,and ,,falsehood4 ,the duty of telling the truth seems to us1 until we have devoted special consideration to the subject1 the most simple thing in the world1 both to understand and to perform2 and when we find young children disregarding it we are surprised and shocked1 and often imagine that it indicates something peculiar and abnormal in the moral sense of the offender4 ,a little reflection1 however1 will show us how very different the state of the case really is4 ,what do we mean by the obligation resting upon us to tell the truth8 ,it is simply1 in general terms1 that it is our duty to make our statements correspond with the realities which they purport to express4 ,this is1 no doubt1 our duty1 as a general rule1 but there are so many exceptions to this rule1 and the principles on which the admissibility of the exceptions depend are so complicated and so abstruse1 that it is wonderful that children learn to make the necessary distinctions as soon as they do4 ,natural ,guidance to the ,duty of telling the ,truth4 ,the child1 when he first acquires the art of using and understanding language1 is filled with wonder and pleasure to find that he can represent external objects that he observes1 and also ideas passing through his mind1 by means of sounds formed by his organs of speech4 ,such sounds1 he finds1 have both these powers--that is1 they can represent realities or fancies4 ,thus1 when he utters the sounds ,i see a bird1 they may denote either a mere conception in his mind1 or an outward actuality4 ,how is he possibly to know1 by any instinct1 or intuition1 or moral sense when it is right for him to use them as representations of a mere idea1 and when it is wrong for him to use them1 unless they correspond with some actual reality8 ,the fact that vivid images or conceptions may be awakened in his mind by the mere hearing of certain sounds made by himself or another is something strange and wonderful to him2 and though he comes to his consciousness of this susceptibility by degrees1 it is still1 while he is acquiring it1 and extending the scope and range of it1 a source of continual pleasure to him4 ,the necessity of any correspondence of these words1 and of the images which they excite1 with actual realities1 is a necessity which arises from the relations of man to man in the social state1 and he has no means whatever of knowing any thing about it except by instruction4 ,there is not only no ground for expecting that children should perceive any such necessity either by any kind of instinct1 or intuition1 or embryo moral sense1 or by any reasoning process of which his incipient powers are capable2 but even if he should by either of these means be inclined to entertain such an idea1 his mind would soon be utterly confused in regard to it by what he observes constantly taking place around him in respect to the use of language by others whose conduct1 much more than their precepts1 he is accustomed to follow as his guide4 ,a very nice ,distinction4 ,a mother1 for example1 takes her little son1 four or five years old1 into her lap to amuse him with a story4 ,she begins3 ,when ,i was a little boy ,i lived by myself4 ,all the bread and cheese ,i got ,i laid upon the shelf1 and so on to the end4 ,the mother's object is accomplished4 ,the boy is amused4 ,he is greatly interested and pleased by the wonderful phenomenon taking place within him of curious images awakened in his mind by means of sounds entering his ear--images of a little boy living alone1 of his reaching up to put bread and cheese upon a shelf1 and finally of his attempting to wheel a little wife home--the story ending with the breaking and downfall of the wheelbarrow1 wife and all4 ,he does not reflect philosophically upon the subject1 but the principal element of the pleasure afforded him is the wonderful phenomenon of the formation of such vivid and strange images in his mind by means of the mere sound of his mother's voice4 ,he knows at once1 if any half-formed reflections arise in his mind at all1 that what his mother has told him is not true--that is1 that the words and images which they awaken in his mind had no actual realities corresponding with them4 ,he knows1 in the first place1 that his mother never was a boy1 and does not suppose that she ever lived by herself1 and laid up her bread and cheese upon a shelf4 ,the whole story1 he understands1 if he exercises any thought about it whatever--wheelbarrow catastrophe and all--consists only of words which his mother speaks to him to give him pleasure4 ,by-and-by his mother gives him a piece of cake1 and he goes out into the garden to play4 ,his sister is there and asks him to give her a piece of his cake4 ,he hesitates4 ,he thinks of the request long enough to form a distinct image in his mind of giving her half of it1 but finally concludes not to do so1 and eats it all himself4 ,when at length he comes in1 his mother accidentally asks him some question about the cake1 and he says he gave half of it to his sister4 ,his mother seems much pleased4 ,he knew that she would be pleased4 ,he said it1 in fact1 on purpose to please her4 ,the words represented no actual reality1 but only a thought passing through his mind1 and he spoke1 in a certain sense1 for the purpose of giving his mother pleasure4 ,the case corresponds in all these particulars with that of his mother's statement in respect to her being once a little boy and living by herself4 ,those words were spoken by her to give him pleasure1 and he said what he did to give her pleasure4 ,to give her pleasure6 the reader will perhaps say1 with some surprise1 thinking that to assign such a motive as that is not1 by any means1 putting a fair and proper construction upon the boy's act4 ,his design was1 it will be said1 to shield himself from censure1 or to procure undeserved praise4 ,and it is1 no doubt1 true that1 on a nice analysis of the motives of the act1 such as we1 in our maturity1 can easily make1 we shall find that design obscurely mingled with them4 ,but the child does not analyze4 ,he can not4 ,he does not look forward to ultimate ends1 or look for the hidden springs that lie concealed among the complicated combinations of impulses which animate him4 ,in the case that we are supposing1 all that we can reasonably believe to be present to his mind is a kind of instinctive feeling that for him to say that he ate the cake all himself would bring a frown1 or at least a look of pain and distress1 to his mother's face1 and perhaps words of displeasure for him2 while1 if he says that he gave half to his sister1 she will look pleased and happy4 ,this is as far as he sees4 ,and he may be of such an age1 and his mental organs may be in so embryonic a condition1 that it is as far as he ought to be expected to look2 so that1 as the case presents itself to his mind in respect to the impulse which at the moment prompts him to act1 he said what he did from a desire to give his mother pleasure1 and not pain4 ,as to the secret motive1 which might have been his ultimate end1 that lay too deeply concealed for him to be conscious of it4 ,and we ourselves too often act from the influence of hidden impulses of selfishness1 the existence of which we are wholly unconscious of1 to judge him too harshly for his blindness4 ,at length1 by-and-by1 when his sister conies in1 and the untruth is discovered1 the boy is astonished and bewildered by being called to account in a very solemn manner by his mother on account of the awful wickedness of having told a lie6 ,how the ,child sees it4 ,now ,i am very ready to admit that1 notwithstanding the apparent resemblance between these two cases1 this resemblance is only apparent and superficial2 but the question is1 whether it is not sufficient to cause such a child to confound them1 and to be excusable1 until he has been enlightened by appropriate instruction1 for not clearly distinguishing the cases where words must be held strictly to conform to actual realities1 from those where it is perfectly right and proper that they should only represent images or conceptions of the mind4 ,a father1 playing with his children1 says1 ,now ,i am a bear1 and am going to growl4 ,so he growls4 ,then he says1 ,now ,i am a dog1 and am going to bark4 ,he is not a bear1 and he is not a dog1 and the children know it4 ,his words1 therefore1 even to the apprehension of the children1 express an untruth1 in the sense that they do not correspond with any actual reality4 ,it is not a wrongful untruth4 ,the children understand perfectly well that in such a case as this it is not in any sense wrong to say what is not true4 ,but how are they to know what kind of untruths are right1 and what kind are wrong1 until they are taught what the distinction is and upon what it depends4 ,unfortunately many parents confuse the ideas1 or rather the moral sense of their children1 in a much more vital manner by untruths of a different kind from this--as1 for example1 when a mother1 in the presence of her children1 expresses a feeling of vexation and annoyance at seeing a certain visitor coming to make a call1 and then1 when the visitor enters the room1 receives her with pretended pleasure1 and says1 out of politeness1 that she is very glad to see her4 ,sometimes a father will join with his children1 when peculiar circumstances seem1 as he thinks1 to require it1 in concealing something from their mother1 or deceiving her in regard to it by misrepresentations or positive untruths4 ,sometimes even the mother will do this in reference to the father4 ,of course such management as this must necessarily have the effect of bringing up the children to the idea that deceiving by untruths is a justifiable resort in certain cases--a doctrine which1 though entertained by many well-meaning persons1 strikes a fatal blow at all confidence in the veracity of men2 for whenever we know of any persons that they entertain this idea1 it is never afterwards safe to trust in what they say1 since we never can know that the case in hand is not1 for some reason unknown to us1 one of those which justify a resort to falsehood4 ,but to return to the case of the children that are under the training of parents who will not themselves1 under any circumstances1 falsify their word--that is1 will never utter words that do not represent actual reality in any of the wrongful ways4 ,such children can not be expected to know of themselves1 or to learn without instruction1 what the wrongful ways are1 and they never do learn until they have made many failures4 ,many1 it is true1 learn when they are very young4 ,many evince a remarkable tenderness of conscience in respect to this as well as to all their other duties1 so fast as they are taught them4 ,and some become so faithful and scrupulous in respect to truth1 at so early an age1 that their parents quite forget the progressive steps by which they advanced at the beginning4 ,we find many a mother who will say of her boy that he never told an untruth1 but we do not find any man who will say of himself1 that when he was a boy he never told one4 ,imaginings and ,rememberings easily mistaken for each other4 ,but besides the complicated character of the general subject1 as it presents itself to the minds of children--that is1 the intricacy to them of the question when there must be a strict correspondence between the words spoken and an actual reality1 and when they may rightly represent mere images or fancies of the mind--there is another great difficulty in their way1 one that is very little considered and often1 indeed1 not at all understood by parents--and that is1 that in the earliest years the distinction between realities and mere fancies of the mind is very indistinctly drawn4 ,even in our minds the two things are often confounded4 ,we often have to pause and think in order to decide whether a mental perception of which we are conscious is a remembrance of a reality1 or a revival of some image formed at some previous time1 perhaps remote1 by a vivid description which we have read or heard1 or even by our own fancy4 ,is that really so1 or did ,i dream it8 ,how often is such a question heard4 ,and persons have been known to certify honestly1 in courts of justice1 to facts which they think they personally witnessed1 but which were really pictured in their minds in other ways4 ,the picture was so distinct and vivid that they lost1 in time1 the power of distinguishing it from other and1 perhaps1 similar pictures which had been made by their witnessing the corresponding realities4 ,indeed1 instead of being surprised that these different origins of present mental images are sometimes confounded1 it is actually wonderful that they can generally be so clearly distinguished2 and we can not explain1 even to ourselves1 what the difference is by which we do distinguish them4 ,for example1 we can call up to our minds the picture of a house burning and a fireman going up by a ladder to rescue some person appearing at the window4 ,now the image1 in such a case1 may have had several different modes of origin4 #a4 ,we may have actually witnessed such a scene the evening before4 #b4 ,some one may have given us a vivid description of it4 #c4 ,we may have fancied it in writing a tale1 and #d4 ,we may have dreamed it4 ,here are four different prototypes of a picture which is now renewed1 and there is something in the present copy which enables us1 in most cases1 to determine at once what the real prototype was4 ,that is1 there is something in the picture which now arises in our mind as a renewal or repetition of the picture made the day before1 which makes us immediately cognizant of the cause of the original picture--that is1 whether it came from a reality that we witnessed1 or from a verbal or written description by another person1 or whether it was a fanciful creation of our own mind while awake1 or a dream4 ,and it is extremely difficult for us to discover precisely what it is1 in the present mental picture1 which gives us this information in respect to the origin of its prototype4 ,it is very easy to say1 ,oh1 we remember4 ,but remember is only a word4 ,we can only mean by it1 in such a case as this1 that there is some latent difference between the several images made upon our minds to-day of things seen1 heard of1 fancied1 or dreamed yesterday1 by which we distinguish each from all the others4 ,but the most acute metaphysicians--men who are accustomed to the closest scrutiny of the movements and the mode of action of their minds--find it very difficult to discover what this difference is4 ,the ,result in the ,case of ,children4 ,now1 in the case of young children1 the faculties of perception and consciousness and the power of recognizing the distinguishing characteristics of the different perceptions and sensations of their minds are all immature1 and distinctions which even to mature minds are not so clear but that they are often confounded1 for them form a bewildering maze4 ,their minds are occupied with a mingled and blended though beautiful combination of sensations1 conceptions1 fancies1 and remembrances1 which they do not attempt to separate from each other1 and their vocal organs are animated by a constant impulse to exercise themselves with any utterances which the incessant and playful gambollings of their faculties frame4 ,in other words1 the vital force liberated by the digestion of the food seeks an issue now in this way and now in that1 through every variety of mental and bodily action4 ,of course1 to arrange and systematize these actions1 to establish the true relations between all these various faculties and powers1 and to regulate the obligations and duties by which the exercise of them should be limited and controlled1 is a work of time1 and is to be effected1 not by the operation of any instinct or early intuition1 but by a course of development--effected mainly by the progress of growth and experience1 though it is to be aided and guided by assiduous but gentle training and instruction4 ,if these views are correct1 we can safely draw from them the following conclusions4 ,practical ,conclusions4 #a4 ,we must not expect from children that they will from the beginning understand and feel the obligation to speak the truth1 any more than we look for a recognition1 on their part1 of the various other principles of duty which arise from the relations of man to man in the social state4 ,we do not expect that two babies creeping upon the floor towards the same plaything should each feel instinctively impelled to grant the other the use of it half of the time4 ,children must be taught to tell the truth1 just as they must be taught the principles of justice and equal rights4 ,they generally get taught by experience--that is1 by the rough treatment and hard knocks which they bring upon themselves by their violation of these principles4 ,but the faithful parent can aid them in acquiring the necessary knowledge in a far easier and more agreeable manner by appropriate instruction4 #b4 ,the mother must not be distressed or too much troubled when she finds that her children1 while very young are prone to fall into deviations from the truth1 but only to be made to feel more impressed with the necessity of renewing her own efforts to teach them the duty1 and to train them to the performance of it4 #c4 ,she must not be too stern or severe in punishing the deviations from truth in very young children1 or in expressing the displeasure which they awaken in her mind4 ,it is instruction1 not expressions of anger or vindictive punishment1 that is required in most cases4 ,explain to them the evils that would result if we could not believe what people say1 and tell them stories of truth-loving children on the one hand1 and of false and deceitful children on the other4 ,and1 above all1 notice1 with indications of approval and pleasure1 when the child speaks the truth under circumstances which might have tempted him to deviate from it4 ,one instance of this kind1 in which you show that you observe and are pleased by his truthfulness1 will do more to awaken in his heart a genuine love for the truth than ten reprovals1 or even punishments1 incurred by the violation of it4 ,and in the same spirit we must make use of the religious considerations which are appropriate to this subject--that is1 we must encourage the child with the approval of his heavenly ,father1 when he resists the temptation to deviate from the truth1 instead of frightening him1 when he falls1 by terrible denunciations of the anger of ,god against liars2 denunciations which1 however well-deserved in the cases to which they are intended to apply1 are not designed for children in whose minds the necessary discriminations1 as pointed out in this chapter1 are yet scarcely formed4 ,danger of confounding ,deceitfulness and ,falsehood4 #d4 ,do not confound the criminality of deceitfulness by acts with falsehood by words1 by telling the child1 when he resorts to any artifice or deception in order to gain his ends1 that it is as bad to deceive as to lie4 ,it is not as bad1 by any means4 ,there is a marked line of distinction to be drawn between falsifying one's word and all other forms of deception1 for there is such a sacredness in the spoken word1 that the violation of it is in general far more reprehensible than the attempt to accomplish the same end by mere action4 ,if a man has lost a leg1 it may be perfectly right for him to wear a wooden one which is so perfectly made as to deceive people--and even to wear it1 too1 with the intent to deceive people by leading them to suppose that both his legs are genuine--while it would be wrong2 for him to assert in words that this limb was not an artificial one4 ,it is right to put a chalk egg in a hen's nest to deceive the hen1 when1 if the hen could understand language1 and if we were to suppose hens to have any rights that we are bound to respect1 it would be wrong to tell her that it was a real egg4 ,it would be right for a person1 when his house was entered by a robber at night1 to point an empty gun at the robber to frighten him away by leading him to think that the gun was loaded2 but it would be wrong1 as ,i think--though ,i am aware that many persons would think differently--for him to say in words that the gun was loaded1 and that he would fire unless the robber went away4 ,these cases show that there is a great difference between deceiving by false appearances1 which is sometimes right1 and doing it by false statements1 which1 as ,i think1 is always wrong4 ,there is a special and inviolable sacredness1 which every lover of the truth should attach to his spoken word4 #e4 ,we must not allow the leniency with which1 according to the views here presented1 we are to regard the violations of truth by young persons1 while their mental faculties and their powers of discrimination are yet imperfectly developed1 to lead us to lower the standard of right in their minds1 so as to allow them to imbibe the idea that we think that falsehood is1 after all1 no great sin1 and still less1 to suppose that we consider it sometimes1 in extreme cases1 allowable4 ,we may1 indeed1 say1 ,the truth is not to be spoken at all times1 but to make the aphorism complete we must add1 that falsehood is to be spoken never4 ,there is no other possible ground for absolute confidence in the word of any man except the conviction that his principle is1 that it is never1 under any circumstances1 or to accomplish any purpose whatever1 right for him to falsify it4 ,a different opinion1 ,i am aware1 prevails very extensively among mankind1 and especially among the continental nations of ,europe1 where it seems to be very generally believed that in those cases in which falsehood will on the whole be conducive of greater good than the truth it is allowable to employ it4 ,but it is easy to see that1 so far as we know that those around us hold to this philosophy1 all reasonable ground for confidence in their statements is taken away2 for we never can know1 in respect to any statement which they make1 that the case is not one of those in which1 for reasons not manifest to us1 they think it is expedient--that is1 conducive in some way to good--to state what is not true4 ,while1 therefore1 we must allow children a reasonable time to bring their minds to a full sense of the obligation of making their words always conform to what is true1 instead of shaping them so as best to attain their purposes for the time being--which is the course to which their earliest natural instincts prompt them--and must deal gently and leniently with their incipient failures1 we must do all in our power to bring them forward as fast as possible to the adoption of the very highest standard as their rule of duty in this respect2 inculcating it upon them1 by example as well as by precept1 that we can not innocently1 under any circumstances1 to escape any evil1 or to gain any end1 falsify our word4 ,for there is no evil so great1 and no end to be attained so valuable1 as to justify the adoption of a principle which destroys all foundation for confidence between man and man4 ,,chapter ,,xvii4 ,,judgment ,,and ,,reasoning4 ,it is a very unreasonable thing for parents to expect young children to be reasonable4 ,being reasonable in one's conduct or wishes implies the taking into account of those bearings and relations of an act which are more remote and less obvious1 in contradistinction from being governed exclusively by those which are immediate and near4 ,now1 it is not reasonable to expect children to be influenced by these remote considerations1 simply because in them the faculties by which they are brought forward into the mind and invested with the attributes of reality are not yet developed4 ,these faculties are all in a nascent or formative state1 and it is as idle to expect them1 while thus immature1 to fulfill their functions for any practical purpose1 as it would be to expect a baby to expend the strength of its little arms in performing any useful labor4 ,progress of ,mental ,development4 ,the mother sometimes1 when she looks upon her infant lying in her arms1 and observes the intentness with which he seems to gaze upon objects in the room--upon the bright light of the window or of the lamp1 or upon the pictures on the wall--wonders what he is thinking of4 ,the truth probably is that he is not thinking at all2 he is simply seeing--that is to say1 the light from external objects is entering his eyes and producing images upon his sensorium1 and that is all4 ,he sees only4 ,there might have been a similar image of the light in his mind the day before1 but the reproduction of the former image which constitutes memory does not probably take place at all in his case if he is very young1 so that there is not present to his mind1 in connection with the present image1 any reproduction of the former one4 ,still less does he make any mental comparison between the two4 ,the mother1 as she sees the light of to-day1 may remember the one of yesterday1 and mentally compare the two2 may have many thoughts awakened in her mind by the sensation and the recollection--such as1 this is from a new kind of oil1 and gives a brighter light than the other2 that she will use this kind of oil in all her lamps1 and will recommend it to her friends1 and so on indefinitely4 ,but the child has none of these thoughts and can have none2 for neither have the faculties been developed within him by which they are conceived1 nor has he had the experience of the previous sensations to form the materials for framing them4 ,he is conscious of the present sensations1 and that is all4 ,as he advances1 however1 in his experience of sensations1 and as his mental powers gradually begin to be unfolded1 what may be called thoughts arise1 consisting at first1 probably1 of recollections of past sensations entering into his consciousness in connection with the present ones4 ,these combinations1 and the mental acts of various kinds which are excited by them1 multiply as he advances towards maturity2 but the images produced by present realities are infinitely more vivid and have a very much greater power over him than those which memory brings up from the past1 or that his fancy can anticipate in the future4 ,this state of things1 though there is1 of course1 a gradual advancement in the relative influence of what the mind can conceive1 as compared with that which the senses make real1 continues substantially the same through all the period of childhood and youth4 ,in other words1 the organs of sense and of those mental faculties which are directly occupied with the sensations1 are the earliest to be developed1 as we might naturally suppose would be the case2 and1 by consequence1 the sensible properties of objects and the direct and immediate effects of any action1 are those which have a controlling influence over the volitions of the mind during all the earlier periods of its development4 ,the reason1 on the other hand1 which1 as applied to the practical affairs of life1 has for its function the bringing in of the more remote bearings and relations of a fact1 or the indirect and less obvious results of an action1 is very slowly developed4 ,it is precisely on this account that the period of immaturity in the human species is so long protracted in comparison with that of the inferior animals4 ,the lives of these animals are regulated by the cognizance simply of the sensible properties of objects1 and by the immediate results of their acts1 and they accordingly become mature as soon as their senses and their bodily organs are brought completely into action4 ,but man1 who is to be governed by his reason--that is1 by much more far-reaching and comprehensive views of what concerns him--requires a much longer period to fit him for independent action1 since he must wait for the development of those higher faculties which are necessary for the attainment of these extended views2 and during this period he must depend upon the reason of his parents instead of being governed by his own4 ,practical ,effect of these ,truths4 ,the true course1 then1 for parents to pursue is not to expect too much from the ability of their children to see what is right and proper for them1 but to decide all important questions themselves1 using their own experience and their own power of foresight as their guide4 ,they are1 indeed1 to cultivate and train the reasoning and reflective powers of their children1 but are not to expect them in early life to be sufficiently developed and strengthened to bear any heavy strain1 or to justify the placing of any serious reliance upon them4 ,they must1 in a word1 treat the reason and the judgment of their children as the farmer treats the strength of his colt1 which he exercises and1 to a certain extent1 employs1 but never puts upon it any serious burden4 ,it results from this view of the case that it is not wise for a parent to resort to arguing or reasoning with a child1 as a substitute for authority1 or even as an aid to make up for a deficiency of authority1 in regard to what it is necessary that the child should do4 ,no doubt it is a good plan sometimes to let the child decide for himself1 but when you pretend to allow him to decide let him do it really4 ,when you go out with him to take a walk1 if it is so nearly immaterial which way you go that you are willing that he should determine the question1 then lay the case before him1 giving him the advantages and disadvantages of the different ways1 and let him decide2 and then act according to his decision4 ,but if you have determined in your own mind which way to go1 simply announce your determination2 and if you give reasons at all1 do not give them in such a way as to convey the idea to his mind that his obligation to submit is to rest partly on his seeing the force of them4 ,for every parent will find that this principle is a sound one and one of fundamental importance in the successful management of children--namely1 that it is much easier for a child to do what he does not like to do as an act of simple submission to superior authority1 than for him to bring himself to an accordance with the decision by hearing and considering the reasons4 ,in other words1 it is much easier for him to obey your decision than to bring himself to the same decision against his own will4 ,in serious ,cases no ,reliance to be placed on the ,reason of the ,child4 ,in all those cases1 therefore1 in which the parent can not safely allow the children really to decide1 such as the question of going to school1 going to church1 taking medicine1 remaining indoors on account of indisposition or of the weather1 making visits1 choice of playmates and companions1 and a great many others which it would not be safe actually to allow them to decide1 it is true kindness to them to spare their minds the painful perplexity of a conflict4 ,decide for them4 ,do not say1 ,oh1 ,i would not do this or that--whatever it may be--because--and then go on to assign reasons thought of perhaps at the moment to meet the emergency1 and indeed generally false2 but1 ,yes1 ,i don't wonder that you would like to do it4 ,i should like it if ,i were you4 ,but it can not be done4 ,when there is medicine to be taken1 do not put the child in misery for half an hour while you resort to all sorts of arguments1 and perhaps artifices1 to bring him to a willingness to take it2 but simply present it to him1 saying1 ,it is something very disagreeable1 ,i know1 but it must be taken2 and if it is refused1 allow of no delay1 but at once1 though without any appearance of displeasure1 and in the gentlest-manner possible1 force it down4 ,then1 after the excitement of the affair has passed away1 and you have your little patient in your lap1 and he is in good-humor--this is all1 of course1 on the supposition that he is not very sick--say to him1 ,you would not take your medicine a little while ago1 and we had to force it down3 ,i hope it did not hurt you much4 ,the child will probably make some fretful answer4 ,illustration3 ,,story ,,of ,,the ,,horse4 ,it is not surprising that you did not like to take it4 ,all children1 while they are too young to be reasonable1 and all animals1 such as horses and cows1 when they are sick1 are very unwilling to take their medicine1 and we often have to force it down4 ,you will1 perhaps1 refuse to take yours a good many times yet before you are old enough to see that it is a great deal easier to take it willingly than it is to have it forced down4 ,and then go on and tell him some amusing story of the difficulty some people had in forcing medicine down the throat of a sick horse1 who did not know enough to take it like a man4 ,the idea is--for this case is only meant as an illustration of a general principle--that the comfort and enjoyment of children1 as well as the easy and successful working of parental government1 is greatly promoted by deciding for the children at once1 and placing their action on the simple ground of obedience to authority in all those cases where the decision can not really and honestly be left to the children themselves4 ,to listen reluctantly to the persistent arguments of children in favor of their being allowed to do what we are sure that we shall decide in the end that it is not best for them to do1 and to meet them with counter arguments which1 if they are not actually false1 as they are very apt to be in such a case1 are utterly powerless1 from the incapacity of the children to appreciate them1 on account of their being blinded by their wishes1 is not to strengthen the reasoning powers1 but to confuse and bewilder them1 and impede their development4 ,mode of ,dealing with the ,reason of a ,child4 ,the effect1 however1 will be excellent of calling into exercise the reason and the judgment of the child in cases where the conclusion which he arrives at can be safely allowed to determine his action4 ,you can help him in such cases by giving him any information that he desires1 but do not embarrass him1 and interfere with his exercising his own judgment by obtruding advice4 ,allow him in this way to lay out his own garden1 to plan the course of a walk or a ride1 and to decide upon the expenditure of his own pocket-money1 within certain restrictions in respect to such things as would be dangerous or hurtful to himself1 or annoying to others4 ,as he grows older you can give him the charge of the minor arrangements on a journey1 such as taking care of a certain number of the parcels carried in the hand1 choosing a seat in the car1 selecting and engaging a hand on arriving at the place of destination4 ,commit such things to his charge only so fast as you can really intrust him with power to act1 and then1 with slight and not obtrusive supervision on your part1 leave the responsibility with him1 noticing encouragingly whatever of fidelity and success you observe1 and taking little notice--generally in fact1 none at all--of such errors and failures as result simply from inexperience and immaturity4 ,in a word1 make no attempt to seek support from his judgment1 or by convincing his reason1 in important cases1 where his feelings or wishes are involved1 but in all such cases rest your decisions solely upon your own authority4 ,but then1 on the other hand1 in unimportant cases1 where no serious evil can result whichever of the various possible courses are taken1 call his judgment into exercise1 and abide by its decisions4 ,give him the responsibility if he likes to take it1 but with the responsibility give him the power4 ,substantially the same principles as explained above1 in their application to the exercise of the judgment1 apply to the cultivation of the reasoning powers--that is to say1 in the act of arguing1 or drawing conclusions from premises4 ,nothing can be more unprofitable and useless1 to say nothing of its irritating and vexatious effect1 than maintaining an argument with a child--or with any body else1 in fact--to convince him against his will4 ,arguing very soon degenerates1 in such a case1 into an irritating and utterly useless dispute4 ,the difference of opinion which gives occasion for such discussions arises generally from the fact that the child sees only certain of the more obvious and immediate relations and bearings of the subject in question1 which is1 in fact1 all that can be reasonably expected of him1 and forms his opinion from these alone4 ,the parent1 on the other hand1 takes a wider view1 and includes among the premises on which his conclusion is founded considerations which have never been brought to the attention of the child4 ,the proper course1 therefore1 for him to pursue in order to bring the child's mind into harmony with his own1 is not to ridicule the boy's reasoning1 or chide him for taking so short-sighted a view of the subject1 or to tell him it is very foolish for him to talk as he does1 or silence him by a dogmatic decision1 delivered in a dictatorial and overbearing manner1 all of which is too often found to characterize the discussions between parents and children1 but calmly and quietly to present to him the considerations bearing upon the question which he has not yet seen4 ,to this end1 and to bring the mind of the child into that listening and willing state without which all arguments and even all attempts at instruction are wasted1 we must listen candidly to what he says himself1 put the best construction upon it1 give it its full force2 see it1 in a word1 as nearly as possible as he sees it1 and let him know that we do so4 ,then he will be much more ready to receive any additional considerations which we may present to his mind1 as things that must also be taken into account in forming a final judgment on the question4 ,a boy1 for example1 who is full of health and increasing vigor1 and in whom1 of course1 those organs on which the consciousness of strength and the impulses of courage depend are in the course of rapid and healthy development1 in reading to his mother a story in which a thief that came into a back store-room of a house in the evening1 with a bag1 to steal meal1 was detected by the owner and frightened away1 looks up from his book and says1 in a very valiant manner1 ,if ,i had been there1 and had a gun1 ,i would have shot him on the spot4 ,the ,rough ,mode of ,treatment4 ,now1 if the mother wishes to confuse and bewilder1 and to crush down1 so to speak1 the reasoning faculties of her child1 she may say1 ,nonsense1 ,george6 ,it is of no use for you to talk big in that way4 ,you would not dare to fire a gun in such a case1 still less1 to shoot a man4 ,the first thing you would do would be to run away and hide4 ,and then1 besides1 it would be very wicked for you to kill a man in that way4 ,you would be very likely to get yourself hung for murder4 ,besides1 the ,bible says that we must not resist evil2 so you should not talk so coolly about shooting a man4 ,the poor boy would be overpowered by such a rebuke as this1 and perhaps silenced4 ,the incipient and half-formed ideas in his mind in respect to the right of self-defense1 the virtue of courage1 the sanctity of life1 the nature and the limits of the doctrine of non-resistance1 would be all thrown together into a jumble of hopeless confusion in his mind1 and the only result would be his muttering to himself1 after a moment of bewilderment and vexation1 ,i would shoot him1 anyhow4 ,such treatment would not only fail to convince him that his idea was wrong1 but would effectually close his heart against any such conviction4 ,the ,gentle ,mode of ,treatment4 ,but let the mother first see and recognize those bearings and relations of the question which the boy sees--that is1 those which are the most direct and immediate--and allow them their full force1 and she establishes a sympathy between his mind and hers1 and prepares the way for his being led by her to taking into the account other considerations which1 though of greater importance1 are not so obvious1 and which it would be wholly unreasonable to expect that the boy would see himself1 since they do not come within the range of observation that could be reached spontaneously by the unaided faculties of such a child4 ,suppose the mother says1 in reply to her boy's boastful declaration that he would shoot the robber1 ,there would be a certain degree of justice in that1 no doubt4 ,yes1 rejoins the boy1 it would be no more than he deserved4 ,when a man engages in the commission of a crime1 adds the mother1 he runs the risk of all the perils that he exposes himself to1 from the efforts of people to defend their property1 and perhaps their lives2 so that1 perhaps1 he would have no right to complain if people did shoot at him4 ,not a bit of right1 says the boy4 ,but then there are some other things to be considered1 says the mother1 which1 though they do not show that it would be unjust towards him1 might make it bad for us to shoot him4 ,what things8 asks the boy4 ,the mother having candidly admitted whatever there was of truth in the boy's view of the subject1 and thus placed herself1 as it were1 side by side with him1 he is prepared to see and admit what she is going to point out to his observation--not as something directly antagonistic to what he has said1 but as something additional1 something which is also to be taken into the account4 ,in the first place1 continues the mother1 there would be the body to be disposed of1 if you were to shoot him4 ,how should we manage about that8 ,it would make a great difference in such a case in respect to the danger of putting the boy's mind into a state of antagonism against his mother's presentation of the case1 whether she says1 ,how shall we manage about that8 or1 ,how will you manage about that8 ,oh1 replies the boy1 we would send to where he lives1 and let his people come and take him away2 or1 if he was in a city1 we would call in the police4 ,that would be a good plan1 says his mother4 ,we would call in the police1 if there were any police at hand4 ,but then there would be the blood all over the carpet and the floor4 ,there would not be any carpet on the floor in a store-room1 says the boy4 ,true1 replies the mother2 you are right there2 so that there would not be1 after all1 any great trouble about the blood4 ,but the man might not be killed outright1 and it might be some time before the policemen would come1 and we should see him all that time writhing and struggling in dreadful convulsions1 which would fix horrid impressions upon our minds1 that would haunt us for a long time afterwards4 ,the mother could then go on to explain that1 if the man had a wife and children1 any one who had killed the husband and father would pity them as long as he lived1 and could never see them or hear them spoken of without feeling pain1 and even some degree of self-reproach2 although1 so far as the man himself was concerned1 it might be that no injustice had been done4 ,after the excitement was over1 too1 he would begin to make excuses for the man1 thinking that perhaps he was poor1 and his children were suffering for bread1 and it was on their account that he was tempted to steal1 and this1 though it would not justify1 might in some degree palliate the act for which he was slain2 or that he had been badly brought up1 having never received any proper instruction1 but had been trained and taught from his boyhood to pilfer and steal4 ,these and many analogous considerations might be presented to the child1 going to show that1 whatever the rule of strict justice in respect to the criminal may enjoin1 it is not right to take the life of a wrong-doer merely to prevent the commission of a minor offense4 ,the law of the land recognizes this principle1 and does not justify the taking of life except in extreme cases1 such as those of imminent personal danger4 ,a friendly conversation of this kind1 carried on1 not in a spirit of antagonism to what the boy has said1 but in the form of presenting information novel to him in respect to considerations which were to be taken into the account in addition to those which he had himself perceived1 will have a great effect not only in modifying his opinion in this case1 but also in impressing him with the general idea that1 before adopting a decisive opinion on any subject1 we must take care to acquaint ourselves not merely with the most direct and obvious relations of it1 but must look farther into its bearings and results1 so that our conclusion may have a solid foundation by reposing upon as many as possible of the considerations which ought really to affect it4 ,thus1 by avoiding all appearance of antagonism1 we secure a ready reception for the truths we offer1 and cultivate the reasoning powers at the same time4 ,general ,principles4 ,the principles1 then1 which are meant to be illustrated and enforced in this chapter are these3 #a4 ,that the mental faculties of children on which the exercise of judgment and of the power of reasoning depend are not among those which are the earliest developed1 and they do not attain1 in the first years of life1 to such a degree of strength or maturity as to justify placing any serious reliance upon them for the conduct of life4 #b4 ,parents should1 accordingly1 not put them to any serious test1 or impose any heavy burden upon them2 but should rely solely on their own authority1 as the expression of their own judgment1 and not upon their ability to convince the judgment of the child1 in important cases1 or in those where its inclinations or its feelings are concerned4 #c4 ,but they may greatly promote the healthy development of these faculties on the part of their children1 by bringing to their view the less obvious bearings and relations of various acts and occurrences on which judgment is to be passed1 in cases where their feelings and inclinations are not specially concerned--doing this either in the form of explaining their own parental principles of management1 or practically1 by intrusting them with responsibility1 and giving them a degree of actual power commensurate with it1 in cases where it is safe to do so2 and1 #d4 ,they may enlarge the range of the children's ideas1 and accustom them to take wider views of the various subjects which occupy their attention1 by discussing with them the principles involved in the several cases2 but such discussions must be conducted in a calm1 gentle1 and considerate manner1 the parent looking always upon what the child says in the most favorable light1 putting the best construction upon it1 and admitting its force1 and then presenting such additional views as ought also to be taken into account1 with moderate earnestness1 and in an unobtrusive manner1 thus taking short and easy steps himself in order to accommodate his own rate of progress to the still imperfectly developed capabilities of the child4 ,in a word1 it is with the unfolding of the mental faculties of the young as it is with the development of their muscles and the improvement of their bodily powers2 and just as the way to teach a child to walk is not to drag him along hurriedly and forcibly by the arm faster than he can himself form the necessary steps1 but to go slowly1 accommodating your movements to those which are natural to him1 and encouraging him by letting him perceive that his own efforts produce appreciable and useful results--so1 in cultivating any of their thinking and reasoning powers1 we must not put at the outset too heavy a burden upon them1 but must call them gently into action1 within the limits prescribed by the degree of maturity to which they have attained1 standing a little aside1 as it were1 in doing so1 and encouraging them to do the work themselves1 instead of taking it out of their hands and doing it for them4 ,,chapter ,,xviii4 ,,wishes ,,and ,,requests4 ,in respect to the course to be pursued in relation to the requests and wishes of children1 the following general rules result from the principles inculcated in the chapter on ,judgment and ,reasoning1 or1 at least1 are in perfect accordance with them--namely3 ,absolute ,authority in ,cases of vital ,importance4 #a4 ,in respect to all those questions in the decision of which their permanent and essential welfare are involved1 such as those relating to their health1 the company they keep1 the formation of their characters1 the progress of their education1 and the like1 the parent should establish and maintain in the minds of the children from their earliest years1 a distinct understanding that the decision of all such questions is reserved for his own or her own exclusive jurisdiction4 ,while on any of the details connected with these questions the feelings and wishes of the child ought to be ascertained1 and1 so far as possible1 taken into the account1 the course to be pursued should not1 in general1 be discussed with the child1 nor should their objections be replied to in any form4 ,the parent should simply take such objections as the judge takes the papers in a case which has been tried before him1 and reserve his decision4 ,the principles by which the parent is governed in the course which he pursues1 and the reasons for them1 may be made the subject of very free conversation1 and may be fully explained1 provided that care is taken that this is never done when any practical question is pending1 such as would give the explanations of the parent the aspect of persuasions1 employed to supply the deficiency of authority too weak to enforce obedience to a command4 ,it is an excellent thing to have children see and appreciate the reasonableness of their parents' commands1 provided that this reasonableness is shown to them in such a way that they are not led to imagine that their being able to see it is in any sense a condition precedent of obedience4 ,great ,indulgence in ,cases not of vital ,importance4 #b4 ,the authority of the parent being thus fully established in regard to all those things which1 being of paramount importance in respect to the child's present and future welfare1 ought to be regulated by the comparative far-seeing wisdom of the parent1 with little regard to the evanescent fancies of the child1 it is on every account best1 in respect to all other things1 to allow to the children the largest possible indulgence4 ,the largest indulgence for them in their occupations1 their plays1 and even in their caprices and the freaks of their fancy1 means freedom of action for their unfolding powers of body and mind2 and freedom of action for these powers means the most rapid and healthy development of them4 ,the rule is1 in a word1 that1 after all that is essential for their health1 the formation of their characters1 and their progress in study is secured1 by being brought under the dominion of absolute parental authority1 in respect to what remains the children are to be indulged and allowed to have their own way as much as possible4 ,when1 in their plays1 they come to you for permission to do a particular thing1 do not consider whether or not it seems to you that you would like to do it yourself1 but only whether there is any real and substantial objection to their doing it4 ,the ,hearing to come before the ,decision1 not after it4 ,the courts of justice adopt what seems to be a very sensible and a very excellent mode of proceeding1 though it is exactly the contrary to the one which many parents pursue1 and that is1 they hear the case first1 and decide afterwards4 ,a great many parents seem to prefer to decide first1 and then hear--that is to say1 when the children come to them with any request or proposal1 they answer at once with a refusal more or less decided1 and then allow themselves to be led into a long discussion on the subject1 if discussion that may be called which consists chiefly of simple persistence and importunity on one side1 and a gradually relaxing resistance on the other1 until a reluctant consent is finally obtained4 ,now1 just as it is an excellent way to develop and strengthen the muscles of a child's arms1 for his father to hold the two ends of his cane in his hands while the child grasps it by the middle1 and then for them to pull against each other1 about the yard1 until1 finally1 the child is allowed to get the cane away2 so the way to cherish and confirm the habit of teasing in children is to maintain a discussion with them for a time in respect to some request which is at first denied1 and then finally1 after a protracted and gradually weakening resistance1 to allow them to gain the victory and carry their point4 ,on the other hand1 an absolutely certain way of preventing any such habit from being formed1 and of effectually breaking it up when it is formed1 is the simple process of hearing first1 and deciding afterwards4 ,when1 therefore1 children come with any request1 or express any wish1 in cases where no serious interests are involved1 in deciding upon the answer to be given1 the mother should1 in general1 simply ask herself1 not ,is it wise8 ,will they succeed in it8 ,will they enjoy it8 ,would ,i like to do it if ,i were they8--but simply1 ,is there any harm or danger in it8 ,if not1 readily and cordially consent4 ,but do not announce your decision till after you have heard all that they have to say1 if you intend to hear what they have to say at all4 ,if there are any objections to what the children propose which affect the question in relation to it as a means of amusement for them1 you may state them in the way of information for them1 after you have given your consent4 ,in that way you present the difficulties as subjects for their consideration1 and not as objections on your part to their plan4 ,but1 however serious the difficulties may be in the way of the children's accomplishing the object which they have in view1 they constitute no objection to their making the attempt1 provided that their plans involve no serious harm or damage to themselves1 or to any other person or interest4 ,the ,wrong ,way4 ,two boys1 for example1 ,william and ,james1 who have been playing in the yard with their little sister ,lucy1 come in to their mother with a plan for a fish-pond4 ,they wish for permission to dig a hole in a corner of the yard and fill it with water1 and then to get some fish out of the brook to put into it4 ,the mother1 on hearing the proposal1 says at once1 without waiting for any explanations1 ,oh no1 ,i would not do that4 ,it is a very foolish plan4 ,you will only get yourselves all muddy4 ,besides1 you can't catch any fishes to put into it1 and if you do1 they won't live4 ,and then the grass is so thick that you could not get it up to make your hole4 ,but ,william says that they can dig the grass up with their little spades4 ,they had tried it1 and found that they could do so4 ,and ,james says that they have already tried catching the fishes1 and found that they could do it by means of a long-handled dipper2 and ,lucy says that they will all be very careful not to get themselves wet and muddy4 ,but you'll get your feet wet standing on the edge of the brook1 says the mother4 ,you can't help it4 ,no1 mother1 replies ,james1 there is a large flat stone that we can stand upon1 and so keep our feet perfectly dry4 ,see6 ,so saying1 he shows his own feet1 which are quite dry4 ,thus the discussion goes on2 the objections made--being1 as usual in such cases1 half of them imaginary ones1 brought forward only for effect--are one after another disposed of1 or at least set aside1 until at length the mother1 as if beaten off her ground after a contest1 gives a reluctant and hesitating consent1 and the children go away to commence their work only half pleased1 and separated in heart and affection1 for the time being1 from their mother by not finding in her1 as they think1 any sympathy with them1 or disposition to aid them in their pleasures4 ,they have1 however1 by their mother's management of the case1 received an excellent lesson in arguing and teasing4 ,they have found by it1 what they have undoubtedly often found on similar occasions before1 that their mother's first decision is not at all to be taken as a final one2 that they have only to persevere in replying to her objections and answering her arguments1 and especially in persisting in their importunity1 and they will be pretty sure to gain their end at last4 ,this mode of management1 also1 has the effect of fixing the position of their mother in their minds as one of antagonism to them in respect to their childish pleasures4 ,the ,right ,way4 ,if in such a case as this the mother wishes to avoid these evils1 the way is plain4 ,she must first consider the proposal herself1 and come to her own decision in regard to it4 ,before coming to a decision1 she may1 if she has leisure and opportunity1 make additional inquiries in respect to the details of the plan2 or1 if she is otherwise occupied1 she may consider them for a moment in her own mind4 ,if the objections are decisive1 she should not state them at the time1 unless she specially wishes them not to have a fair hearing2 for when children have a plan in mind which they are eager to carry out1 their very eagerness entirely incapacitates them for properly appreciating any objections which may be offered to it4 ,it is on every account better1 therefore--as a general rule--not to offer any such objections at the time1 but simply to give your decision4 ,on the other hand1 if there is no serious evil to be apprehended in allowing children to attempt to carry any particular plan they form into effect1 the foolishness of it1 in a practical point of view1 or even the impossibility of success in accomplishing the object proposed1 constitute no valid objection to it2 for children amuse themselves as much1 and sometimes learn as much1 and promote as effectually the development of their powers and faculties1 by their failures as by their successes4 ,in the case supposed1 then1 the mother1 in order to manage it right1 would first consider for a moment whether there was any decisive objection to the plan4 ,this would depend1 perhaps1 upon the manner in which the children were dressed at the time1 or upon the amount of injury that would be done to the yard2 and this question would in its turn depend1 in many cases1 on the comparative value set by the mother upon the beauty of her yard1 and the health1 development1 and happiness of her children4 ,but supposing that she sees--which she can do in most instances at a glance--that there can no serious harm be done by the experiment1 but only that it is a foolish plan so far as the attainment of the object is concerned1 and utterly hopeless of success1 which1 considering that the real end to be attained is the healthy development of the children's powers by the agreeable exercise of them in useless as well as in useful labors1 is no objection at all1 then she should answer at once1 ,yes1 you can do that if you like2 and perhaps ,i can help you about planning the work4 ,after saying this1 any pointing out of obstacles and difficulties on her part does not present itself to their minds in the light of opposition to their plan1 but of aid in helping it forward1 and so places her1 in their view1 on their side1 instead of in antagonism to them4 ,what do you propose to do with the earth that you take out of the hole8 she asks4 ,the children had1 perhaps1 not thought of that4 ,how would it do1 continues the mother1 to put it in your wheelbarrow and let it stay there1 so that in case your plan should not succeed--and men1 in any thing that they undertake1 always consider it wise to take into account the possibility that they may not succeed--you can easily bring it all back and fill up the hole again4 ,the children think that would be a very good plan4 ,and how are you going to fill your hole with water when you get it dug out8 asks the mother4 ,they were going to carry the water from the pump in a pail4 ,and how are you going to prevent spilling the water over upon your trousers and into your shoes while carrying it8 ,oh1 we will be very careful1 replied ,william4 ,how would it do only to fill the pail half full each time1 suggests the mother4 ,you would have to go more times1 it is true1 but that would be better than getting splashed with water4 ,the boys think that that would be a very good plan4 ,in this manner the various difficulties to be anticipated may be brought to the notice of the children1 while1 they and their mother being in harmony and sympathy with each other--and not in opposition--in the consideration of them1 she can bring them forward without any difficulty1 and make them the means of teaching the children many useful lessons of prudence and precaution4 ,capriciousness in ,play4 ,the mother1 then1 after warning the children that they must expect to encounter many unexpected difficulties in their undertaking1 and telling them that they must not be too much disappointed if they should find that they could not succeed1 dismisses them to their work4 ,they proceed to dig the hole1 putting the materials in the wheelbarrow1 and then fill up the hole with water brought in half pailfuls at a time from the pump2 but are somewhat disappointed to find that the water soaks away pretty rapidly into the ground1 and that1 moreover1 it is so turbid1 and the surface is so covered with little leaves1 sticks1 and dust1 as to make it appear very doubtful whether they would be able to see the fishes if they were to succeed in catching any to put in4 ,however1 they take their long-handled dipper and proceed towards the brook4 ,on the way they stop to gather some flowers that grow near the path that leads through the field1 when the idea suddenly enters ,lucy's head that it would be better to make a garden than a fish-pond2 flowers1 as she says1 being so much prettier than fishes4 ,so they all go back to their mother and explain the change of their plan4 ,they ask for leave to dig up a place which they had found where the ground was loose and sandy1 and easy to dig1 and to set out flowers in it which they had found in the field already in bloom4 ,we are going to give up the fish-pond1 they say in conclusion1 because flowers are so much prettier than fishes4 ,the mother1 instead of finding fault with them for being so capricious and changeable in their plans1 says1 ,i think you are right4 ,fishes look pretty enough when they are swimming in the brook1 but flowers are much prettier to transport and take care of4 ,but first go and fill up the hole you made for the pond with the earth that is in the wheelbarrow2 and when you have made your garden and moved the flowers into it1 ,i advise you to get the watering-pot and give them a good watering4 ,it may be said that children ought to be brought up in habits of steadiness and perseverance in what they undertake1 and that this kind of indulgence in their capriciousness would have a very bad tendency in this respect4 ,the answer is1 that there are times and seasons for all the different kinds of lessons which children have to learn1 and that when in their hours of recreation they are amusing themselves in play1 lessons in perseverance and system are out of place4 ,the object to be sought for then is the exercise and growth of their bodily organs and members1 the development of their fancy and imagination1 and their powers of observation of nature4 ,the work of training them to habits of system and of steady perseverance in serious pursuits1 which1 though it is a work that ought by no means to be neglected1 is not the appropriate work of such a time4 ,summary of ,results4 ,the general rules for the government of the parent in his treatment of his children's requests and wishes are these3 ,in all matters of essential importance he is to decide himself and simply announce his decision1 without giving any reasons for the purpose of justifying it1 or for inducing submission to it4 ,and in all matters not of essential importance he is to allow the children the greatest possible freedom of action4 ,and the rule for children is that they are always to obey the command the first time it is given1 without question1 and to take the first answer to any request without any objection or demurring whatever4 ,it is very easy to see how smoothly and happily the affairs of domestic government would go on if these rules were established and obeyed4 ,all that is required on the part of parents for their complete establishment is1 first1 a clear comprehension of them1 and then a calm1 quiet1 and gentle1 but still inflexible firmness in maintaining them4 ,unfortunately1 however1 such qualities as these1 simple as they seem1 are the most rare4 ,if1 instead of gentle but firm consistency and steadiness of action1 ardent1 impulsive1 and capricious energy and violence were required1 it would be comparatively easy to find them4 ,how seldom do we see a mother's management of her children regulated by a calm1 quiet1 gentle1 and considerate decision that thinks before it speaks in all important matters1 and when it speaks1 is firm2 and yet1 which readily and gladly accords to the children every liberty and indulgence which can do themselves or others no harm4 ,and on the other hand1 how often do we see foolish laxity and indulgence in yielding to importunity in cases of vital importance1 alternating with vexatious thwartings1 rebuffs1 and refusals in respect to desires and wishes the gratification of which could do no injury at all4 ,,chapter ,,xix4 ,,children',s ,,questions4 ,the disposition to ask questions1 which is so universal and so strong a characteristic of childhood1 is the open door which presents to the mother the readiest and most easy access possible to the mind and heart of her child4 ,the opportunities and facilities thus afforded to her would be the source of the greatest pleasure to herself1 and of the greatest benefit to her child1 if she understood better how to avail herself of them4 ,i propose1 in this chapter1 to give some explanations and general directions for the guidance of mothers1 of older brothers and sisters1 and of teachers--of all persons1 in fact1 who may1 from time to time1 have young children under their care or in their society4 ,i have no doubt that some of my rules will strike parents1 at first view1 as paradoxical and1 perhaps1 almost absurd2 but ,i hope that on more mature reflection they will be found to be reasonable and just4 ,the ,curiosity of ,children not a ,fault4 #a4 ,the curiosity of children is not a fault1 and therefore we must never censure them for asking questions1 or lead them to think that we consider the disposition to do so a fault on their part2 but1 on the other hand1 this disposition is to be encouraged as much as possible4 ,we must remember that a child1 when his powers of observation begin to be developed1 finds every thing around him full of mystery and wonder4 ,why some things are hard and some are soft--why some things will roll and some will not--why he is not hurt when he falls on the sofa1 and is hurt when he falls on the floor--why a chair will tumble over when he climbs up by the rounds of it1 while yet the steps of the stairs remain firm and can be ascended without danger--why one thing is black1 and another red1 and another green--why water will all go away of itself from his hands or his dress1 while mud will not--why he can dig in the ground1 but can not dig in a floor--all is a mystery1 and the little adventurer is in a continual state of curiosity and wonder1 not only to learn the meaning of all these things1 but also of desire to extend his observations1 and find out more and more of the astonishing phenomena that are exhibited around him4 ,the good feeling of the mother1 or of any intelligent friend who is willing to aid him in his efforts1 is1 of course1 invaluable to him as a means of promoting his advancement in knowledge and of developing his powers4 ,remember1 therefore1 that the disposition of a child to ask questions is not a fault1 but only an indication of his increasing mental activity1 and of his desire to avail himself of the only means within his reach of advancing his knowledge and of enlarging the scope of his intelligence in respect to the strange and wonderful phenomena constantly observable around him4 ,sometimes1 perhaps1 a ,source of ,inconvenience4 ,of course there will be times when it is inconvenient for the parent to attend to the questions of the child1 and when he must1 consequently1 be debarred of the pleasure and privilege of asking them2 but even at such times as these the disposition to ask them must not be attributed to him as a fault4 ,never tell him that he is a little tease--that you are tired to death of answering his questions--that he is a chatter-box that would weary the patience of ,job2 or that1 if he will sit still for half an hour1 without speaking a word1 you will give him a reward4 ,if you are going to be engaged1 and so can not attend to him1 say to him that you wish you could talk with him1 and answer the questions1 but that you are going to be busy and can not do it2 and then1 after providing him with some other means of occupation1 require him to be silent3 though even then you ought to relieve the tedium of silence for him by stopping every ten or fifteen minutes from your reading1 or your letter-writing1 or the planning of your work1 or whatever your employment may be1 and giving your attention to him for a minute or two1 and affording him an opportunity to relieve the pressure on his mind by a little conversation4 ,answers to be short and simple4 #b4 ,give generally to children's questions the shortest and simplest answers possible4 ,one reason why parents find the questions of children so fatiguing to them1 is that they attempt too much in their answers4 ,if they would give the right kind of answers1 they would find the work of replying very easy1 and in most of their avocations it would occasion them very little interruption4 ,these short and simple answers are all that a child requires4 ,a full and detailed explanation of any thing they ask about is as tiresome for them to listen to as it is for the mother to frame and give2 while a short and simple reply which advances them one step in their knowledge of the subject is perfectly easy for the mother to give1 and is1 at the same time1 all that they wish to receive4 ,for example1 let us suppose that the father and mother are taking a ride on a summer afternoon after a shower1 with little ,johnny sitting upon the seat between them in the chaise4 ,the parents are engaged in conversation with each other1 we will suppose1 and would not like to be interrupted4 ,johnny presently spies a rainbow on a cloud in the east1 and1 after uttering an exclamation of delight1 asks his mother what made the rainbow4 ,she hears the question1 and her mind1 glancing for a moment at the difficulty of giving an intelligible explanation of so grand a phenomenon to such a child1 experiences an obscure sensation of perplexity and annoyance1 but not quite enough to take off her attention from her conversation2 so she goes on and takes no notice of ,johnny's inquiry4 ,johnny1 accordingly1 soon repeats it1 ,mother6 mother6 what makes the rainbow8 ,at length her attention is forced to the subject1 and she either tells ,johnny that she can't explain it to him--that he is not old enough to understand it2 or1 perhaps1 scolds him for interrupting her with so many teasing questions4 ,in another such case1 the mother1 on hearing the question1 pauses long enough to look kindly and with a smile of encouragement upon her face towards ,johnny1 and to say simply1 ,the sun1 and then goes on with her conversation4 ,johnny says ,oh6 in a tone of satisfaction4 ,it is a new and grand idea to him that the sun makes the rainbow1 and it is enough to fill his mind with contemplation for several minutes1 during which his parents go on without interruption in their talk4 ,presently ,johnny asks again1 ,mother1 how does the sun make the rainbow8 ,his mother answers in the same way as before1 ,by shining on the cloud3 and1 leaving that additional idea for ,johnny to reflect upon and receive fully into his mind1 turns again to her husband and resumes her conversation with him after a scarcely perceptible interruption4 ,johnny1 after having reflected in silence some minutes1 during which he has looked at the sun and at the rainbow1 and observed that the cloud on which the arch is formed is exactly opposite to the sun1 and fully exposed to his beams1 is prepared for another step1 and asks1 ,mother1 how does the sun make a rainbow by shining on the cloud8 ,his mother replies that it shines on millions of little drops of rain in the cloud1 and makes them of all colors1 like drops of dew on the ground1 and all the colors together make the rainbow4 ,here are images presented to ,johnny's mind enough to occupy his thoughts for a considerable interval1 when perhaps he will have another question still1 to be answered by an equally short and simple reply2 though1 probably1 by this time his curiosity will have become satisfied in respect to his subject of inquiry1 and his attention will have been arrested by some other object4 ,to answer the child's questions in this way is so easy1 and the pauses which the answers lead to on the part of the questioner are usually so long1 that very little serious interruption is occasioned by them to any of the ordinary pursuits in which a mother is engaged2 and the little interruption which is caused is greatly overbalanced by the pleasure which the mother will experience in witnessing the gratification and improvement of the child1 if she really loves him1 and is seriously interested in the development of his thinking and reasoning powers4 ,answers should attempt to communicate but little ,instruction4 #c4 ,the answers which are given to children should not only be short and simple in form1 but each one should be studiously designed to communicate as small an amount of information as possible4 ,illustration3 ,,mother1 ,,what ,,makes ,,it ,,snow8 ,this may seem1 at first view1 a strange idea1 but the import of it simply is that1 in giving the child his intellectual nourishment1 you must act as you do in respect to his bodily food--that is1 divide what he is to receive into small portions1 and administer a little at a time4 ,if you give him too much at once in either case1 you are in danger of choking him4 ,for example1 ,johnny asks some morning in the early winter1 when the first snow is falling1 and he has been watching it for some time from the window in wonder and delight1 ,mother1 what makes it snow8 ,now1 if the mother imagines that she must give any thing like a full answer to the question1 her attention must be distracted from her work to enable her to frame it2 and if she does not give up the attempt altogether1 and rebuke the boy for teasing her with so many silly questions1 she perhaps suspends her work1 and1 after a moment's perplexing thought1 she says the vapor of the water from the rivers and seas and damp ground rises into the air1 and there at last congeals into flakes of snow1 and these fall through the air to the ground4 ,the boy listens and attempts to understand the explanation1 but he is bewildered and lost in the endeavor to take in at once this extended and complicated process--one which is1 moreover1 not only extended and complicated1 but which is composed of elements all of which are entirely new to him4 ,if the mother1 however1 should act on the principle of communicating as small a portion of the information required as it is possible to give in one answer1 ,johnny's inquiry would lead1 probably1 to a conversation somewhat like the following1 the answers on the part of the mother being so short and simple as to require no perceptible thought on her part1 and so occasioning no serious interruption to her work1 unless it should be something requiring special attention4 ,mother1 asks ,johnny1 what makes it snow8 ,it is the snow-flakes coming down out of the sky1 says his mother4 ,watch them6 ,oh6 says ,johnny1 uttering the child's little exclamation of satisfaction4 ,he looks at the flakes as they fall1 catching one after another with his eye1 and following it in its meandering descent4 ,he will1 perhaps1 occupy himself several minutes in silence and profound attention1 in bringing fully to his mind the idea that a snow-storm consists of a mass of descending flakes of snow falling through the air4 ,to us1 who are familiar with this fact1 it seems nothing to observe this1 but to him the analyzing of the phenomenon1 which before he had looked upon as one grand spectacle filling the whole sky1 and only making an impression on his mind by its general effect1 and resolving it into its elemental parts of individual flakes fluttering down through the air1 is a great step4 ,it is a step which exercises his nascent powers of observation and reflection very deeply1 and gives him full occupation for quite a little interval of time4 ,at length1 when he has familiarized himself with this idea1 he asks again1 perhaps1 ,where do the flakes come from1 mother8 ,out of the sky4 ,oh6 says ,johnny again1 for the moment entirely satisfied4 ,one might at first think that these words would be almost unmeaning1 or1 at least1 that they would give the little questioner no real information4 ,but they do give him information that is both important and novel4 ,they advance him one step in his inquiry4 ,out of the sky means1 to him1 from a great height4 ,the words give him to understand that the flakes are not formed where they first come into his view1 but that they descend from a higher region4 ,after reflecting on this idea a moment1 he asks1 we will suppose1 ,how high in the sky1 mother8 ,now1 perhaps1 a mother might think that there was no possible answer to be given to such a question as this except that she does not know2 inasmuch as few persons have any accurate ideas of the elevation in the atmosphere at which snow-clouds usually form4 ,but this accurate information is not what the child requires4 ,if the mother possessed it1 it would be useless for her to attempt to communicate it to him4 ,in the sense in which he asks the question she does understand it1 and can give him a perfectly satisfactory answer4 ,how high is it in the sky1 mother1 to where the snow comes from8 asks the child4 ,oh1 very high--higher than the top of the house1 replies the mother4 ,as high as the top of the chimney8 ,yes1 higher than that4 ,as high as the moon8 ,no1 not so high as the moon4 ,how high is it then1 mother8 ,about as high as birds can fly4 ,oh6 says ,johnny1 perfectly satisfied4 ,the answer is somewhat indefinite1 it is true1 but its indefiniteness is the chief element in the value of it4 ,a definite and precise answer1 even if one of that character were ready at hand1 would be utterly inappropriate to the occasion4 ,an ,answer may even be good which gives no ,information at all4 #d4 ,it is not even always necessary that an answer to a child's question should convey any information at all4 ,a little conversation on the subject of the inquiry1 giving the child an opportunity to hear and to use language in respect to it1 is often all that is required4 ,it must be remembered that the power to express thoughts1 or to represent external objects by language1 is a new power to young children1 and1 like all other new powers1 the mere exercise of it gives great pleasure4 ,if a person in full health and vigor were suddenly to acquire the art of flying1 he would take great pleasure in moving1 by means of his wings1 through the air from one high point to another1 not because he had any object in visiting those high points1 but because it would give him pleasure to find that he could do so1 and to exercise his newly acquired power4 ,so with children in their talk4 ,they talk often1 perhaps generally1 for the sake of the pleasure of talking1 not for the sake of what they have to say4 ,so1 if you will only talk with them and allow them to talk to you about any thing that interests them1 they are pleased1 whether you communicate to them any new information or not4 ,this single thought1 once fully understood by a mother1 will save her a great deal of trouble in answering the incessant questions of her children4 ,the only essential thing in many cases is to say something in reply to the question1 no matter whether what you say communicates any information or not4 ,if a child asks1 for instance1 what makes the stars shine so1 and his mother answers1 ,because they are so bright1 he will be very likely to be as well satisfied as if she attempted to give a philosophical explanation of the phenomenon4 ,so1 if he asks what makes him see himself in the looking-glass1 she may answer1 ,you see an image of yourself there4 ,they call it an image4 ,hold up a book and see if you can see an image of that in the glass too4 ,he is pleased and satisfied4 ,nor are such answers useless1 as might at first be supposed4 ,they give the child practice in the use of language1 and1 if properly managed1 they may be made the means of greatly extending his knowledge of language and1 by necessary consequence1 of the ideas and realities which language represents4 ,father1 says ,mary1 as she is walking with her father in the garden1 what makes some roses white and some red8 ,it is very curious1 is it not8 says her father4 ,yes1 father1 it is very curious indeed4 ,what makes it so8 ,there must be some cause for it says her father4 ,and the apples that grow on some trees are sweet1 and on others they are sour4 ,that is curious too4 ,yes1 very curious indeed1 says ,mary4 ,the leaves of trees seem to be always green1 continues her father1 though the flowers are of various colors4 ,yes1 father1 says ,mary4 ,except1 adds her father1 when they turn yellow1 and red1 and brown1 in the fall of the year4 ,a conversation like this1 without attempting any thing like an answer to the question with which it commenced1 is as satisfactory to the child1 and perhaps as useful in developing its powers and increasing its knowledge of language1 as any attempt to explain the phenomenon would be2 and the knowledge of this will make it easy for the mother to dispose of many a question which might seriously interrupt her if she conceived it necessary either to attempt a satisfactory explanation of the difficulty1 or not to answer it at all4 ,be always ready to say ,i don't know4 #e4 ,the mother should be always ready and willing to say ,i don't know1 in answer to children's questions4 ,parents and teachers are very often somewhat averse to this1 lest1 by often confessing their own ignorance1 they should lower themselves in the estimation of their pupils or their children4 ,so they feel bound to give some kind of an explanation to every difficulty1 in hopes that it may satisfy the inquirer1 though it does not satisfy themselves4 ,but this is a great mistake4 ,the sooner that pupils and children understand that the field of knowledge is utterly boundless1 and that it is only a very small portion of it that their superiors in age and attainment have yet explored1 the better for all concerned4 ,the kind of superiority1 in the estimation of children1 which it is chiefly desirable to attain1 consists in their always finding that the explanation which we give1 whenever we attempt any1 is clear1 fair1 and satisfactory1 not in our being always ready to offer an explanation1 whether satisfactory or not4 ,questions on ,religious ,subjects4 ,the considerations presented in this chapter relate chiefly to the questions which children ask in respect to what they observe taking place around them in external nature4 ,there is another class of questions and difficulties which they raise--namely1 those that relate to religious and moral subjects2 and to these ,i have not intended now to refer4 ,the inquiries which children make on these subjects arise1 in a great measure1 from the false and puerile conceptions which they are so apt to form in respect to spiritual things1 and from which they deduce all sorts of absurdities4 ,the false conceptions in which their difficulties originate are due partly to errors and imperfections in our modes of teaching them on these subjects1 and partly to the immaturity of their powers1 which incapacitates them from clearly comprehending any elements of thought that lie beyond the direct cognizance of the senses4 ,we shall1 however1 have occasion to refer to this subject in another chapter4 ,in respect1 however1 to all that class of questions which children ask in relation to the visible world around them1 the principles here explained may render the mother some aid in her intercourse with the little learners under her charge1 if she clearly understands and intelligently applies them4 ,and she will find the practice of holding frequent conversations with them1 in these ways1 a source of great pleasure to her1 as well as of unspeakable advantage to them4 ,indeed1 the conversation of a kind and intelligent mother is far the most valuable and important means of education for a child during many years of its early life4 ,a boy whose mother is pleased to have him near her1 who likes to hear and answer his questions1 to watch the gradual development of his thinking and reasoning powers1 and to enlarge and extend his knowledge of language--thus necessarily and of course expanding the range and scope of his ideas--will find that though his studies1 strictly so called--that is1 his learning to read1 and the committing to memory lessons from books--may be deferred1 yet1 when he finally commences them he will go at once to the head of his classes at school1 through the superior strength and ampler development which his mental powers will have attained4 ,,chapter ,,xx4 ,,the ,,use ,,of ,,money4 ,the money question in the management and training of children has a distinct bearing on the subjects of some of the preceding chapters4 ,it is extremely important1 first1 in respect to opportunities which are afforded in connection with the use of money for cultivating and developing the qualities of sound judgment and of practical wisdom2 and then1 in the second place1 the true course to be pursued with them in respect to money forms a special point to be considered in its bearing upon the subject of the proper mode of dealing with their wishes and requests4 ,evil ,results of a very ,common ,method4 ,if a parent wishes to eradicate from the mind of his boy all feelings of delicacy and manly pride1 to train him to the habit of obtaining what he wants by importunity or servility1 and to prevent his having any means of acquiring any practical knowledge of the right use of money1 any principles of economy1 or any of that forethought and thrift so essential to sure prosperity in future life1 the best way to accomplish these ends would seem to be to have no system in supplying him with money in his boyish days1 but to give it to him only when he asks for it1 and in quantities determined only by the frequency and importunity of his calls4 ,of course under such a system the boy has no inducement to take care of his money1 to form any plans of expenditure1 to make any calculations1 to practise self-denial to-day for the sake of a greater good to-morrow4 ,the source of supply from which he draws money1 fitful and uncertain as it may be in what it yields to him1 he considers unlimited2 and as the amount which he can draw from it does not depend at all upon his frugality1 his foresight1 or upon any incipient financial skill that he may exercise1 but solely upon his adroitness in coaxing1 or his persistence in importunity1 it is the group of bad qualities1 and not the good1 which such management tends to foster4 ,the effect of such a system is1 in other words1 not to encourage the development and growth of those qualities on which thrift and forehandedness in the management of his affairs in future life1 and1 in consequence1 his success and prosperity1 depend2 but1 on the contrary1 to cherish the growth of all the mean and ignoble propensities of human nature by accustoming him1 so far as relates to this subject1 to gain his ends by the arts of a sycophant1 or by rude pertinacity4 ,not that this system always produces these results4 ,it may be1 and perhaps generally is1 greatly modified by other influences acting upon the mind of the child at the same time1 as well as by the natural tendencies of the boy's character1 and by the character and general influence upon him of his father and mother in other respects4 ,it can not be denied1 however1 that the above is the tendency of a system which makes a boy's income of spending-money a matter of mere chance1 on which no calculations can be founded1 except so far as he can increase it by adroit manoeuvring or by asking for it directly1 with more or less of urgency or persistence1 as the case may require2 that is to say1 by precisely those means which are the most ignoble and most generally despised by honorably-minded men as means for the attainment of any human end4 ,now one of the most important parts of the education of both girls and boys1 whether they are to inherit riches1 or to enjoy a moderate income from the fruits of their own industry1 or to spend their lives in extreme poverty1 is to teach them the proper management and use of money4 ,and this may be very effectually done by giving them a fixed and definite income to manage1 and then throwing upon them the responsibility of the management of it1 with such a degree of guidance1 encouragement1 and aid as a parent can easily render4 ,objection to the ,plan of a regular ,allowance4 ,there are no parents among those who will be likely to read this book of resources so limited that they will not1 from time to time1 allow their children some amount of spending-money in a year4 ,all that is necessary1 therefore1 is to appropriate to them this amount and pay it to them1 or credit them with it1 in a business-like and regular manner4 ,it is true that by this system the children will soon begin to regard their monthly or weekly allowance as their due2 and the parent will lose the pleasure1 if it is any pleasure to him or her1 of having the money which they give them regarded in each case as a present1 and received with a sense of obligation4 ,this is sometimes considered an objection to this plan4 ,when ,i furnish my children with money1 says the parent1 as a gratification1 ,i wish to have the pleasure of giving it to them4 ,whereas1 on this proposed plan of paying it to them regularly at stated intervals1 they will come to consider each payment as simply the payment of a debt4 ,i wish them to consider it as a gratuity on my part1 so that it may awaken gratitude and renew their love for me4 ,there is some seeming force in this objection1 though it is true that the adoption of the plan of a systematic appropriation1 as here recommended1 does not prevent the making of presents of money1 or of any thing else1 to the children1 whenever either parent desires to do so4 ,still the plan will not generally be adopted1 except by parents in whose minds the laying of permanent foundations for their children's welfare and happiness through life1 by training them from their earliest years to habits of forecast and thrift1 and the exercise of judgment and skill in the management of money1 is entirely paramount to any petty sentimental gratification to themselves1 while the children are young4 ,two ,methods4 ,in case the parent--it may be either the father or the mother--decides to adopt the plan of appropriating systematically and regularly a certain sum to be at the disposal of the child1 there are two modes by which the business may be transacted--one by paying over the money itself in the amounts and at the stated periods determined upon1 and the other by opening an account with the child1 and giving him credit from time to time for the amount due1 charging on the other side the amounts which he draws4 #a4 ,paying the money4 ,this is the simplest plan4 ,if it is adopted1 the money must be ready and be paid at the appointed time with the utmost exactitude and certainty4 ,having made the arrangement with a child that he is to have a certain sum--six cents1 twelve cents1 twenty-five cents1 or more1 as the case may be--every ,saturday night1 the mother--if it is the mother who has charge of the execution of the plan--must consider it a sacred debt1 and must be always ready4 ,she can not expect that her children will learn regularity1 punctuality1 and system in the management of their money affairs1 if she sets them the example of laxity and forgetfulness in fulfilling her engagements1 and offering excuses for non-payment when the time comes1 instead of having the money ready when it is due4 ,the money1 when paid1 should not1 in general1 be carried by the children about the person1 but they should be provided with a purse or other safe receptacle1 which1 however1 should be entirely in their custody1 and so exposed to all the accidents to which any carelessness in the custody would expose it4 ,the mother must remember that the very object of the plan is to have the children learn by experience to take care of money themselves1 and that she defeats that object by virtually relieving them of this care4 ,it should1 therefore1 be paid to them with the greatest punctuality1 especially at the first introduction of the system1 and with the distinct understanding that the charge and care of keeping it devolves entirely upon them from the time of its passing into their hands4 #b4 ,opening an account4 ,the second plan1 and one that will prove much the most satisfactory in its working--though many mothers will shrink from it on the ground that it would make them a great deal of trouble--is to keep an account4 ,for this purpose a small book should be made1 with as many leaves as there are children1 so that for each account there can be two pages4 ,the book should be ruled for accounts1 and the name of each child should be entered at the head of the two pages appropriated to his account4 ,then1 from time to time1 the amount of his allowance that has fallen due should be entered on the credit side1 and any payment made to him on the other4 ,the plan of keeping an account in this way obviates the necessity of paying money at stated times1 for the account will show at any time how much is due4 ,there are some advantages in each of these modes4 ,much depends on the age of the children1 and still more upon the facilities which the father or mother have at hand for making entries in writing4 ,to a man of business1 accustomed to accounts1 who could have a book made small enough to go into his wallet1 or to a mother who is systematic in her habits1 and has in her work-table or her secretary facilities for writing at any time1 the plan of opening an account will be found much the best4 ,it will afford an opportunity of giving the children a great deal of useful knowledge in respect to account-keeping--or1 rather1 by habituating them from an early age to the management of their affairs in this systematic manner1 will train them from the beginning to habits of system and exactness4 ,a very perceptible effect in this direction will be produced on the minds of children1 even while they have not yet learned to read1 and so can not understand at all the written record made of their pecuniary transactions4 ,they will1 at any rate1 understand that a written record is made2 they will take a certain pride and pleasure in it1 and impressions will be produced which may have an effect upon their habits of accuracy and system in their pecuniary transactions through all future life4 ,interest on ,balances4 ,one great advantage of the plan of having an account over that of paying cash at stated times is1 that it affords an opportunity for the father or mother to allow interest for any balances left from time to time in their hands1 so as to initiate the children into a knowledge of the nature and the advantages of productive investments1 and familiarize them with the idea that money reserved has within it a principle of increase4 ,the interest allowed should be altogether greater than the regular rate1 so as to make the advantage of it in the case of such small sums appreciable to the children--but not too great4 ,some judgment and discretion must be exercised on this as on all other points connected with the system4 ,the arrangements for the keeping of an account being made1 and the account opened1 there is1 of course1 no necessity1 as in the case of payments made simply in cash1 that the business should be transacted at stated times4 ,at any time when convenient1 the entry may be made of the amount which has become due since the time of the last entry4 ,and when1 from time to time1 the child wishes for money1 the parent will look at his account and see if there is a balance to his credit4 ,if there is1 the child will be entitled to receive whatever he desires up to the amount of the balance4 ,once in a month1 or at any other times when convenient1 the account can be settled1 and the balance1 with the accrued interest1 carried to a new account4 ,all this1 instead of being a trouble1 will only be a source of interest and pleasure to the parent1 as well as to the children themselves1 and1 without occupying any sensible portion of time1 will be the means of gradually communicating a great deal of very useful instruction4 ,employment of the ,money4 ,it will have a great effect in training up children in the way in which they should go1 in respect to the employment of money1 if a rule is made for them that a certain portion1 one-quarter or one-half1 for example1 of all the money which comes into their possession1 both from their regular allowance and from gratuities1 is to be laid aside as a permanent investment1 and an account at some ,savings ,bank be opened1 or some other formal mode of placing it be adopted--the bank-book or other documentary evidence of the amount so laid up to be deposited among the child's treasures4 ,in respect to the other portion of the money--namely1 that which is to be employed by the children themselves as spending-money1 the disbursement of it should be left entirely at their discretion1 subject only to the restriction that they are not to buy any thing that will be injurious or dangerous to themselves1 or a means of disturbance or annoyance to others4 ,the mother may give them any information or any counsel in regard to the employment of their money1 provided she does not do it in the form of expressing any wish1 on her part1 in regard to it4 ,for the very object of the whole plan is to bring out into action1 and thus to develop and strengthen1 the judgment and discretion of the child2 and just as children can not learn to walk by always being carried1 so they can not learn to be good managers without having the responsibility of actual management1 on a scale adapted to their years1 thrown really upon them4 ,if a boy wishes to buy a bow and arrow1 it may in some cases be right not to give him permission to do it1 on account of the danger accompanying the use of such a plaything4 ,but if he wishes to buy a kite which the mother is satisfied is too large for him to manage1 or if she thinks there are so many trees about the house that he can not prevent its getting entangled in them1 she must not object to it on that account4 ,she can explain these dangers to the boy1 if he is inclined to listen1 but not in a way to show that she herself wishes him not to buy the kite4 ,those are the difficulties which you may meet with1 she may say1 but you may buy the kite if you think best4 ,then when he meets with the difficulties1 when he finds that he can not manage the kite1 or that he loses it among the trees1 she must not triumph over him1 and say1 ,i told you how it would be4 ,you would not take my advice1 and now you see how it is4 ,on the contrary1 she must help him1 and try to alleviate his disappointment1 saying1 ,never mind4 ,it is a loss1 certainly4 ,but you did what you thought was best at the time1 and we all meet with losses sometimes1 even when we have done what we thought was best4 ,you will make a great many other mistakes1 probably1 hereafter in spending money1 and meet with losses2 and this one will give you an opportunity of learning to bear them like a man4 ,the most implicit ,faith to be kept with ,children in ,money ,transactions4 ,i will not say that a father1 if he is a man of business1 ought to be as jealous of his credit with his children as he is of his credit at the bank2 but ,i think1 if he takes a right view of the subject1 he will be extremely sensitive in respect to both4 ,if he is a man of high and honorable sentiments1 and especially if he looks forward to future years when his children shall have arrived at maturity1 or shall be approaching towards it1 and sees how important and how delicate the pecuniary relations between himself and them may be at that time1 he will feel the importance of beginning by establishing1 at the very commencement1 not only by means of precept1 but by example1 a habit of precise1 systematic1 and scrupulous exactitude in the fulfillment of every pecuniary obligation4 ,it is not necessary that he should do any thing mean or small in his dealings with them in order to accomplish this end4 ,he may be as liberal and as generous with them in many ways as he pleases1 but he must keep his accounts with them correctly4 ,he must always1 without any demurring or any excuse1 be ready to fulfill his engagements1 and teach them to fulfill theirs4 ,possible ,range of ,transactions between ,parents and ,children4 ,the parent1 after having initiated his children into the regular transaction of business by his mode of managing their allowance-fund1 may very advantageously extend the benefits of the system by engaging with them from time to time in other affairs1 to be regulated in a business-like and systematic manner4 ,for example1 if one of his boys has been reserving a portion of his spending-money as a watch-fund1 and has already half enough for the purchase1 the father may offer to lend him the balance and take a mortgage of the watch1 to stand until the boy shall have taken it up out of future savings2 and he can make out a mortgage-deed expressing in a few and simple words the fact that the watch is pledged to him as security for the sum advanced1 and is not to become the absolute property of the boy till the money for which it is pledged is paid4 ,in the course of years1 a great number of transactions in this way may take place between the father or mother and their boy1 each of which will not only be a source of interest and enjoyment to both parties1 but will afford the best possible means of imparting1 not only to the child directly interested in them1 but to the other children1 a practical knowledge of financial transactions1 and of forming in them the habit of conducting all their affairs in a systematic and business-like manner4 ,the number and variety of such transactions in which the modes of doing business among men may be imitated with children1 greatly to their enjoyment and interest1 is endless4 ,i could cite an instance when what was called a bank was in operation for many years among a certain number of children1 with excellent effect4 ,one was appointed president1 another cashier1 another paying-teller4 ,there was a ledger under the charge of the cashier1 with a list of stockholders1 and the number of shares held by each1 which was in proportion to the respective ages of the children4 ,the bank building was a little toy secretary1 something in the form of a safe1 into which there mysteriously appeared1 from time to time1 small sums of money2 the stockholders being as ignorant of the source from which the profits of the bank were derived as most stockholders probably are in the case of larger and more serious institutions4 ,once in six months1 or at other periods1 the money was counted1 a dividend was declared1 and the stockholders were paid in a regular and business-like manner4 ,the effect of such methods as these is not only to make the years of childhood pass more pleasantly1 but also to prepare them to enter1 when the time comes1 upon the serious business of life with some considerable portion of that practical wisdom in the management of money which is often1 when it is deferred to a later period1 acquired only by bitter experience and through much suffering4 ,indeed1 any parent who appreciates and fully enters into the views presented in this chapter will find1 in ordinary cases1 that his children make so much progress in business capacity that he can extend the system so as to embrace subjects of real and serious importance before the children arrive at maturity4 ,a boy1 for instance1 who has been trained in this way will be found competent1 by the time that he is ten or twelve years old1 to take the contract for furnishing himself with caps1 or boots and shoes1 and1 a few years later1 with all his clothing1 at a specified annual sum4 ,the sum fixed upon in the case of caps1 for example1 should be intermediate between that which the caps of a boy of ordinary heedlessness would cost1 and that which would be sufficient with special care1 so that both the father and the son could make money1 as it were1 by the transaction4 ,of course1 to manage such a system successfully1 so that it could afterwards be extended to other classes of expenses1 requires tact1 skill1 system1 patience1 and steadiness on the part of the father or mother who should attempt it2 but when the parent possesses these qualities1 the time and attention that would be required would be as nothing compared with the trouble1 the vexation1 the endless dissatisfaction on both sides1 that attend upon the ordinary methods of supplying children's wants--to say nothing of the incalculable benefit to the boy himself of such a training1 as a part of his preparation for future life4 ,evil ,results to be feared4 ,nor is it merely upon the children themselves1 and that after they enter upon the responsibilities of active life1 that the evils resulting from their having had no practical training in youth in respect to pecuniary responsibilities and obligations1 that evil consequences will fall4 ,the great cities are full of wealthy men whose lives are rendered miserable by the recklessness in respect to money which is displayed by their sons and daughters as they advance towards maturity1 and by the utter want1 on their part1 of all sense of delicacy1 and of obligation or of responsibility of any kind towards their parents in respect to their pecuniary transactions4 ,of course this must1 in a vast number of cases1 be the result when the boy is brought up from infancy with the idea that the only limit to his supply of money is his ingenuity in devising modes of putting a pressure upon his father4 ,fifteen or twenty years spent in managing his affairs on this principle must1 of course1 produce the fruit naturally to be expected from such seed4 ,the great ,difficulty4 ,it would seem1 perhaps1 at first view1 from what has been said in this chapter1 that it would be a very simple and easy thing to train up children thus to correct ideas and habits in respect to the use of money2 and it would be so--for the principles involved seem to be very plain and simple--were it not that the qualities which it requires in the parent are just those which are most rare4 ,deliberateness in forming the plan1 calmness and quietness in proposing it1 inflexible but mild and gentle firmness in carrying it out1 perfect honesty in allowing the children to exercise the power and responsibility promised them1 and an indulgent spirit in relation to the faults and errors into which they fall in the exercise of it--these and other such qualities are not very easily found4 ,to make an arrangement with a child that he is to receive a certain sum every ,saturday1 and then after two or three weeks to forget it1 and when the boy comes to call for it1 to say1 petulantly1 ,oh1 don't come to bother me about that now--,i am busy2 and besides1 ,i have not got the money now2 or1 when a boy has spent all his allowance on the first two or three days of the week1 and comes to beg importunately for more1 to say1 ,it was very wrong in you to spend all your money at once1 and ,i have a great mind not to give you any more4 ,i will1 however1 do it just this time1 but ,i shall not again1 you may depend2 or1 to borrow money in some sudden emergency out of the fund which a child has accumulated for a special purpose1 and then to forget or neglect to repay it--to manage loosely and capriciously in any such ways as these will be sure to make the attempt a total failure2 that is to say1 such management will be sure to be a failure in respect to teaching the boy to act on right principles in the management of money1 and training him to habits of exactness and faithfulness in the fulfillment of his obligations4 ,but in making him a thoughtless1 wasteful1 teasing1 and selfish boy while he remains a boy1 and fixing him1 when he comes to manhood1 in the class of those who are utterly untrustworthy1 faithless in the performance of their promises1 and wholly unscrupulous in respect to the means by which they obtain money1 it may very probably turn out to be a splendid success4 ,,chapter ,,xxi4 ,,corporal ,,punishment4 ,it might1 perhaps1 be thought that1 in a book which professes to show how an efficient government can be established and maintained by gentle measures1 the subject of corporal punishment could have no place4 ,it seems important1 however1 that there should be here introduced a brief though distinct presentation of the light in which1 in a philosophical point of view1 this instrumentality is to be regarded4 ,the ,teachings of ,scripture4 ,the resort to corporal punishment in the training of children seems to be spoken of in many passages contained in the ,scriptures as of fundamental necessity4 ,but there can be no doubt that the word rod1 as used in those passages1 is used simply as the emblem of parental authority4 ,this is in accordance with the ordinary custom of ,hebrew writers in those days1 and with the idiom of their language1 by which a single visible or tangible object was employed as the representative or expression of a general idea--as1 for example1 the sword is used as the emblem of magisterial authority1 and the sun and the rain1 which are spoken of as being sent with their genial and fertilizing power upon the evil and the good1 denote not specially and exclusively those agencies1 but all the beneficent influences of nature which they are employed to represent4 ,the injunctions1 therefore1 of ,solomon in respect to the use of the rod are undoubtedly to be understood as simply enjoining upon parents the necessity of bringing up their children in complete subjection to their authority4 ,no one can imagine that he could wish the rod to be used when complete subjection to the parental authority could be secured by more gentle means4 ,and how this is to be done it is the object precisely of this book to show4 ,in this sense1 therefore--and it is undoubtedly the true sense--namely1 that children must be governed by the authority of the parent1 the passages in question express a great and most essential truth4 ,it is sometimes said that children must be governed by reason1 and this is true1 but it is the reason of their parents1 and not their own which must hold the control4 ,if children were endowed with the capacity of seeing what is best for them1 and with sufficient self-control to pursue what is best against the counter-influences of their animal instincts and propensities1 there would be no necessity that the period of subjection to parental authority should be extended over so many years4 ,but so long as their powers are yet too immature to be safely relied upon1 they must1 of necessity1 be subject to the parental will2 and the sooner and the more perfectly they are made to understand this1 and to yield a willing submission to the necessity1 the better it will be1 not only for their parents1 but also for themselves4 ,the parental authority must1 therefore1 be established--by gentle means1 if possible--but it must by all means be established1 and be firmly maintained4 ,if you can not govern your child without corporal punishment1 it is better to resort to it than not to govern him at all4 ,taking a wide view of the field1 ,i think there may be several cases in which a resort to the infliction of physical pain as the only available means of establishing authority may be the only alternative4 ,there are three cases of this kind that are to be specially considered4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,runaway ,possible ,cases in which it is the only ,alternative4--,savages4 #a4 ,in savage or half-civilized life1 and even1 perhaps1 in so rude a state of society as must have existed in some parts of ,judea when the ,proverbs of ,solomon were written1 it is conceivable that many parents1 owing to their own ignorance1 and low animal condition1 would have no other means at their command for establishing their authority over their children than scoldings and blows4 ,it must be so among savages4 ,and it is certainly better1 if the mother knows no other way of inducing her boy to keep within her sight1 that she should whip him when he runs away1 than that he should be bitten by serpents or devoured by bears4 ,she must establish her authority in some way1 and if this is the best that she is capable of pursuing1 she must use it4 ,teachers whose ,tasks surpass their ,skill4 #b4 ,a teacher1 in entering upon the charge of a large school of boys made unruly by previous mismanagement1 may1 perhaps1 possibly find himself unable to establish submission to his authority without this resource4 ,it is true that if it is so1 it is due1 in a certain sense1 to want of skill on the teacher's part2 for there are men1 and women too1 who will take any company of boys that you can give them1 and1 by a certain skill1 or tact1 or knowledge of human nature1 or other qualities which seem sometimes to other persons almost magical1 will have them all completely under subjection in a week1 and that without violence1 without scolding1 almost without even a frown4 ,the time may1 perhaps1 come when every teacher1 to be considered qualified for his work1 must possess this skill4 ,indeed1 the world is evidently making great and rapid progress in this direction4 ,the methods of instruction and the modes by which the teacher gains and holds his influence over his pupils have been wonderfully improved in recent times1 so that where there was one teacher1 fifty years ago1 who was really beloved by his pupils1 we have fifty now4 ,in ,dr4 ,johnson's time1 which was about a hundred and fifty years ago1 it would seem that there was no other mode but that of violent coercion recognized as worthy to be relied upon in imparting instruction1 for he said that he knew of no way by which ,latin could be taught to boys in his day but by having it flogged into them4 ,from such a state of things to that which prevails at the present day there has been an astonishing change4 ,and now1 whether a teacher is able to manage an average school of boys without physical force is simply a question of tact1 knowledge of the right principles1 and skill in applying them on his part4 ,it is1 perhaps1 yet too soon to expect that all teachers can possess1 or can acquire1 these qualifications to such a degree as to make it safe to forbid the infliction of bodily pain in any case1 but the time for it is rapidly approaching1 and in some parts of the country it has1 perhaps1 already arrived4 ,until that time comes1 every teacher who finds himself under the necessity of beating a boy's body in order to attain certain moral or intellectual ends ought to understand that the reason is the incompleteness of his understanding and skill in dealing directly with his mind2 though for this incompleteness he may not himself be personally at all to blame4 ,children spoiled by ,neglect and ,mismanagement4 #c4 ,i am even willing to admit that one or more boys in a family may reach such a condition of rudeness and insubordination1 in consequence of neglect or mismanagement on the part of their parents in their early years1 and the present clumsiness and incapacity of the father in dealing with the susceptibilities and impulses of the human soul1 that the question will lie between keeping them within some kind of subordination by bodily punishment or not controlling them at all4 ,if a father has been so engrossed in his business that he has neglected his children1 has never established any common bond of sympathy between himself and them1 has taken no interest in their enjoyments1 nor brought them by moral means to an habitual subjection to his will2 and if their mother is a weak1 irresolute woman1 occupying herself with the pursuits and pleasures of fashionable society1 and leaving her children to the management of servants1 the children will1 of course1 in general1 grow up exacting1 turbulent1 and ungovernable2 and when1 with advancing maturity1 their increasing strength and vigor makes this turbulence and disorder intolerable in the house1 and there is1 as of course there usually will be in such a case1 no proper knowledge and skill in the management of the young on the part of either parent to remedy the evil by gentle measures1 the only alternative in many cases may be either a resort to violent punishment1 or the sending away of the unmanageable subjects to school4 ,the latter part of the alternative is the best1 and1 fortunately1 it is the one generally adopted4 ,but where it can not be adopted1 it is certainly better that the boys should be governed by the rod than to grow up under no government at all4 ,gentle ,measures effectual where ,rightfully and ,faithfully employed4 ,however it may be with respect to the exceptional cases above enumerated1 and perhaps some others1 there can1 ,i think1 be no doubt that parents who should train their children from the beginning on the principles explained in this volume1 and upon others analogous to them1 would never1 in any case1 have to strike a blow4 ,they would accomplish the end enjoined by the precepts of ,solomon1 namely1 the complete subjection of their children to their authority1 by improved methods not known in his day1 or1 at least1 not so fully developed that they could then be relied upon4 ,they who imagine that parents are bound to use the rod as the instrumentality1 because the ,scriptures speak of the rod as the means of establishing parental authority best known in those days1 instead of employing the more effective methods which the progress of improvement has developed and made available at the present day1 ought1 in order to be consistent1 to insist on the retention of the harp in religious worship1 because ,david enjoins it upon believers to praise the ,lord with harp3 to sing unto him with psaltery1 and an instrument of ten strings4 ,the truth is1 that what we are to look at in such injunctions is the end that is to be attained1 which is1 in this last case1 the impressive and reverential exaltation of ,almighty ,god in our minds by the acts of public worship2 and if1 with the improvements in musical instruments which have been made in modern times1 we can do this more satisfactorily by employing in the place of a psaltery or a harp of ten strings an organ of ten or a hundred stops1 we are bound to make the substitution4 ,in a word1 we must look at the end and not at the means1 remembering that in questions of ,scripture interpretation the letter killeth1 the spirit maketh alive4 ,protracted ,contests with ,obstinacy4 ,it seems to me1 though ,i am aware that many excellent persons think differently1 that it is never wise for the parent to allow himself to be drawn into a contest with a child in attempting to compel him to do something that from ill-temper or obstinacy he refuses to do4 ,if the attempt is successful1 and the child yields under a moderate severity of coercion1 it is all very well4 ,but there is something mysterious and unaccountable in the strength of the obstinacy sometimes manifested in such cases1 and the degree of endurance which it will often inspire1 even in children of the most tender age4 ,we observe the same inexplicable fixedness sometimes in the lower animals--in the horse1 for example2 which is the more unaccountable from the fact that we can not suppose1 in his case1 that peculiar combination of intelligence and ill-temper which we generally consider the sustaining power of the protracted obstinacy on the part of the child4 ,the degree of persistence which is manifested by children in contests of this kind is something wonderful1 and can not easily be explained by any of the ordinary theories in respect to the influence of motives on the human mind4 ,a state of cerebral excitement and exaltation is not unfrequently produced which seems akin to insanity1 and instances have been known in which a child has suffered itself to be beaten to death rather than yield obedience to a very simple command4 ,and in vast numbers of instances1 the parent1 after a protracted contest1 gives up in despair1 and is compelled to invent some plausible pretext for bringing it to an end4 ,indeed1 when we reflect upon the subject1 we see what a difficult task we undertake in such contests--it being nothing less than that of forcing the formation of a volition in a human mind4 ,we can easily control the bodily movements and actions of another person by means of an external coercion that we can apply1 and we have various indirect means of inducing volitions2 but in these contests we seem to come up squarely to the work of attempting1 by outward force1 to compel the forming of a volition in the mind2 and it is not surprising that this should1 at least sometimes1 prove a very difficult undertaking4 ,no ,necessity for these ,contests4 ,there seems to be no necessity that a parent or teacher should ever become involved in struggles of this kind in maintaining his authority4 ,the way to avoid them1 as it seems to me1 is1 when a child refuses out of obstinacy to do what is required of him1 to impose the proper punishment or penalty for the refusal1 and let that close the transaction4 ,do not attempt to enforce his compliance by continuing the punishment until he yields4 ,a child1 for example1 going out to play1 wishes for his blue cap4 ,his mother chooses that he shall wear his gray one4 ,she hangs the blue cap up in its place1 and gives him the gray one4 ,he declares that he will not wear it1 and throws it down upon the floor4 ,the temptation now is for the mother1 indignant1 to punish him1 and then to order him to take up the cap which he had thrown down1 and to feel that it is her duty1 in case he refuses1 to persist in the punishment until she conquers his will1 and compels him to take it up and put it upon his head4 ,but instead of this1 a safer and a better course1 it seems to me1 is to avoid a contest altogether by considering the offense complete1 and the transaction on his part finished by the single act of rebellion against her authority4 ,she may take the cap up from the floor herself and put it in its place1 and then simply consider what punishment is proper for the wrong already done4 ,perhaps she forbids the boy to go out at all4 ,perhaps she reserves the punishment1 and sends him to bed an hour earlier that night4 ,the age of the boy1 or some other circumstances connected with the case1 may be such as to demand a severer treatment still4 ,at any rate1 she limits the transaction to the single act of disobedience and rebellion already committed1 without giving an opportunity for a repetition of it by renewing the command1 and inflicts for it the proper punishment1 and that is the end of the affair4 ,and so a boy in reciting a lesson will not repeat certain words after his mother4 ,she enters into no controversy with him1 but shuts the book and puts it away4 ,he1 knowing his mother's usual mode of management in such cases1 and being sure that some penalty1 privation1 or punishment will sooner or later follow1 relents1 and tells his mother that he will say the words if she will try him again4 ,no1 my son1 she should reply1 the opportunity is past4 ,you should have done your duty at the right time4 ,you have disobeyed me1 and ,i must take time to consider what to do4 ,if1 at the proper time1 in such a case1 when all the excitement of the affair is over1 a penalty or punishment apportioned to the fault1 or some other appropriate measures in relation to it1 are certain to come1 and if this method is always pursued in a calm and quiet manner but with inflexible firmness in act1 the spirit of rebellion will be much more effectually subdued than by any protracted struggles at the time1 though ending in victory however complete4 ,but all this is a digression1 though it seemed proper to allude to the subject of these contests here1 since it is on these occasions1 perhaps1 that parents are most frequently led1 or1 as they think1 irresistibly impelled1 to the infliction of bodily punishments as the last resort1 when they would1 in general1 be strongly inclined to avoid them4 ,the ,infliction of ,pain sometimes the speediest ,remedy4 ,there are1 moreover1 some cases1 perhaps1 in the ordinary exigencies of domestic life1 as the world goes1 when some personal infliction is the shortest way of disposing of a case of discipline1 and may appear1 for the time being1 to be the most effectual4 ,a slap is very quickly given1 and a mother may often think that she has not time for a more gentle mode of managing the case1 even though she may admit that if she had the time at her command the gentle mode would be the best4 ,and it is1 indeed1 doubtless true that the principles of management advocated in this work are such as require that the parents should devote some time and attention1 and1 still more essentially1 some heart to the work2 and they who do not consider the welfare and happiness of their children in future life1 and their own happiness in connection with them as they advance towards their declining years1 as of sufficient importance to call for the bestowment of this time and attention1 will doubtless often resort to more summary methods in their discipline than those here recommended4 ,the ,sting that it leaves behind4 ,indeed1 the great objection1 after all1 to the occasional resort to the infliction of bodily pain in extreme cases is1 as it seems to me1 the sting which it leaves behind2 not that1 which it leaves in the heart of the child who may suffer it--for that soon passes away--but in the heart of the parent who inflicts it4 ,the one is1 or may be1 very evanescent2 the other may very long remain2 and what is worse1 the anguish of it may be revived and made very poignant in future years4 ,this consideration makes it specially imperative on every parent never1 for any cause1 to inflict punishment by violence when himself under the influence of any irritation or anger awakened by the offense4 ,for though the anger which the fault of the child naturally awakens in you carries you through the act of punishing well enough1 it soon afterwards passes away1 while the memory of it remains1 and in after years1 like any other sin1 it may come back to exact a painful retribution4 ,when the little loved one who now puts you out of patience with her heedlessness1 her inconsiderateness1 and1 perhaps1 by worse faults and failings--all1 however1 faults which may very possibly1 in part or in whole1 be the result of the immature and undeveloped condition of her mental or bodily powers--falls sick and dies1 and you follow her as she is borne away1 and with a bursting heart see her laid in her little grave1 it will be a great comfort to you then to reflect that you did all in your power1 by means of the gentlest measures at your command1 to train her to truth and duty1 that you never lost patience with her1 and that she never felt from your hand any thing but gentle assistance or a loving caress4 ,and your boy--now so ardent and impulsive1 and often1 perhaps1 noisy1 troublesome1 and rude1 from the exuberant action of his growing powers--when these powers shall have received their full development1 and he has passed from your control to his place in the world as a man1 and he comes back from time to time to the maternal home in grateful remembrance of his obligations to his mother1 bringing with him tokens of his affection and love1 you will think with pain of the occasions when you subjected him to the torture of the rod under the impulse of irritation or anger1 or to accomplish the ends of discipline which might have been attained in other ways4 ,time1 as you then look back over the long interval of years which have elapsed1 will greatly soften the recollection of the fault1 but it will greatly aggravate that of the pain which was made the retribution of it4 ,you will say to yourself1 it is true1 ,i did it for the best4 ,if ,i had not done it1 my son would perhaps not be what he is4 ,he1 if he remembers the transaction1 will doubtless say so too2 but there will be none the less for both a certain sting in the recollection1 and you will wish that the same end could have been accomplished by gentler means4 ,the substance of it is that children must1 at all events1 be governed4 ,the proper authority over them must be maintained2 but it is a great deal better to secure this end by gentle measures1 if the parent have or can acquire the skill to employ them4 ,,chapter ,,xxii4 ,,gratitude ,,in ,,children4 ,mothers are very often pained at what seems to them the ingratitude of their children4 ,they long1 above all things1 for their love4 ,they do every thing in their power--,i mean1 of course1 that some mothers do--to win it4 ,they make every sacrifice1 and give every possible evidence of affection2 but they seem to fail entirely of bringing out any of those evidences of gratitude and affection in return which1 if they could only witness them1 would fill their hearts with gladness and joy4 ,but the only feeling which their children manifest towards them seems to be a selfish one4 ,they come to them when in trouble1 they even fly to them eagerly when in danger1 and they consider their parents the chief resource for procuring nearly all their means of gratification4 ,but they think little1 as it often seems1 of the mother's comfort and enjoyment in return1 and seldom or never do any thing voluntarily to give her pleasure4 ,it would be a great exaggeration to say that this is always the feeling of the mother in respect to her children4 ,i only mean that this is sometimes1 and ,i might probably say very often1 the case4 ,two ,forms of ,love4 ,now there are two distinct forms which the feeling of love may assume in the mature mind1 both of which are gratifying to the object of it1 though they are very different1 and indeed in some sense exactly the opposite of each other4 ,there is the receiving and the bestowing love4 ,it is true that the two forms are often conjoined1 or rather they often exist in intimate combination with each other2 but in their nature they are essentially distinct4 ,a young lady1 for example1 may feel a strong attachment for the gentleman to whom she is engaged--or a wife for her husband--in the sense of liking to receive kindness and attention from him more than from any other man4 ,she may be specially pleased when he invites her to ride with him1 or makes her presents1 or shows in any way that he thinks of her and seeks her happiness--more so than she would be to receive the same attentions from any other person4 ,this is love4 ,it may be very genuine love2 but it is love in the form of taking special pleasure in the kindness and favor bestowed by the object of it4 ,yet it is none the less true1 as most persons have had occasion to learn from their own experience1 that this kind of love may be very strong without being accompanied by any corresponding desire on the part of the person manifesting it to make sacrifices of her own ease and comfort in order to give happiness to the object of her love in return4 ,in the same manner a gentleman may feel a strong sentiment of love for a lady1 which shall take the form of enjoying her society1 of being happy when he is near her1 and greatly pleased at her making sacrifices for his sake1 or manifesting in any way a strong attachment for him4 ,there may be also united with this the other form of love--namely1 that which would lead him to deny himself and make sacrifices for her4 ,but the two1 though they may often--perhaps generally--exist together1 are in their nature so essentially different that they may be entirely separated1 and we may have one in its full strength while there is very little of the other4 ,you may love a person in the sense of taking greater pleasure in receiving attentions and favors from him than from all the world beside1 while yet you seldom think of making efforts to promote his comfort and happiness in any thing in which you are not yourself personally concerned4 ,on the other hand1 you may love him with the kind of affection which renders it the greatest pleasure of your life to make sacrifices and endure self-denial to promote his welfare in any way4 ,in some cases these two forms are in fact entirely separated1 and one or the other can exist entirely distinct from the other--as in the case of the kind feelings of a good man towards the poor and miserable4 ,it is quite possible to feel a very strong interest in such objects1 and to be willing to put ourselves to considerable inconvenience to make them comfortable and happy1 and to take great pleasure in learning that our efforts have been effectual1 without feeling any love for them at all in the other form--that is1 any desire to have them with us1 to receive attentions and kindness from them1 and to enjoy their society4 ,on the other hand1 in the love of a young child for his mother the case is reversed4 ,the love of the child consists chiefly in liking to be with his mother1 in going to her rather than to any one else for relief from pain or for comfort in sorrow1 and is accompanied with very few and very faint desires to make efforts1 or to submit to privations1 or to make sacrifices1 for the promotion of her good4 ,order of their ,development4 ,now the qualities and characteristics of the soul on which the capacity for these two forms of love depend seem to be very different1 and they advance in development and come to maturity at different periods of life2 so that the mother1 in feeling dejected and sad because she can not awaken in the mind of her child the gratitude and the consideration for her comfort and happiness which she desires1 is simply looking for a certain kind of fruit at the wrong time4 ,you have one of the forms of love for you on the part of the child now while he is young4 ,in due time1 when he arrives at maturity1 if you will wait patiently1 you will assuredly have the other4 ,now he runs to you in every emergency4 ,he asks you for every thing that he wants4 ,he can find comfort nowhere else but in your arms1 when he is in distress or in suffering from pain1 disappointment1 or sorrow4 ,but he will not make any effort to be still when you are sick1 or to avoid interrupting you when you are busy2 and insists1 perhaps1 on your carrying him when he is tired1 without seeming to think or care whether you may not be tired too4 ,but in due time all this will be changed4 ,twenty years hence he will conceal all his troubles from you instead of coming with them to you for comfort4 ,he will be off in the world engaged in his pursuits1 no longer bound closely to your side4 ,but he will think all the time of your comfort and happiness4 ,he will bring you presents1 and pay you innumerable attentions to cheer your heart in your declining years4 ,he will not run to you when he has hurt himself2 but if any thing happens to you1 he will leave every thing to hasten to your relief1 and bring with him all the comforts and means of enjoyment for you that his resources can command4 ,the time will thus come when you will have his love to your heart's content1 in the second form4 ,you must be satisfied1 while he is so young1 with the first form of it1 which is all that his powers and faculties in their present stage are capable of developing4 ,the truth of the case seems to be that the faculties of the human mind--or ,i should perhaps rather say1 the susceptibilities of the soul--like the instincts of animals1 are developed in the order in which they are required for the good of the subject of them4 ,indeed1 it is very interesting and curious to observe how striking the analogy in the order of development1 in respect to the nature of the bond of attachment which binds the offspring to the parent1 runs through all those ranks of the animal creation in which the young for a time depend upon the mother for food or for protection4 ,the chickens in any moment of alarm run to the hen2 and the lamb1 the calf1 and the colt to their respective mothers2 but none of them would feel the least inclination to come to the rescue of the parent if the parent was in danger4 ,with the mother herself it is exactly the reverse4 ,her heart--if we can speak of the seat of the maternal affections of such creatures as a heart--is filled with desires to bestow good upon her offspring1 without a desire1 or even a thought1 of receiving any good from them in return4 ,there is this difference1 however1 between the race of man and those of the inferior animals--namely1 that in his case the instinct1 or at least a natural desire which is in some respects analogous to an instinct1 prompting him to repay to his parents the benefits which he received from them in youth1 comes in due time2 while in that of the lower animals it seems never to come at all4 ,the little birds1 after opening their mouths so wide every time the mother comes to the nest during all the weeks while their wings are growing1 fly away when they are grown1 without the least care or concern for the anxiety and distress of the mother occasioned by their imprudent flights2 and once away and free1 never come back1 so far as we know1 to make any return to their mother for watching over them1 sheltering them with her body1 and working so indefatigably to provide them with food during the helpless period of their infancy--and still less to seek and protect and feed her in her old age4 ,but the boy1 reckless as he sometimes seems in his boyhood1 insensible apparently to his obligations to his mother1 and little mindful of her wishes or of her feelings--his affection for her showing itself mainly in his readiness to go to her with all his wants1 and in all his troubles and sorrows--will begin1 when he has arrived at maturity and no longer needs her aid1 to remember with gratitude the past aid that she has rendered him4 ,the current of affection in his heart will turn and flow the other way4 ,instead of wishing to receive1 he will now only wish to give4 ,if she is in want1 he will do all he can to supply her4 ,if she is in sorrow1 he will be happy if he can do any thing to comfort her4 ,he will send her memorials of his gratitude1 and objects of comfort and embellishment for her home1 and will watch with solicitude and sincere affection over her declining years4 ,and all this change1 if not the result of a new instinct which reaches its development only when the period of maturity arrives1 is the unfolding of a sentiment of the heart belonging essentially to the nature of the subject of it as man4 ,it is true that this capacity may1 under certain circumstances1 be very feebly developed4 ,in some cases1 indeed1 it would seem that it was scarcely developed at all2 but there is a provision for it in the nature of man1 while there is no provision for it at all in the sentient principles of the lower animals4 ,advancing the ,development of the ,sentiment of ,gratitude4 ,now1 although parents must not be impatient at the slow appearance of this feeling in their children1 and must not be troubled in its not appearing before its time1 they can do much by proper efforts to cultivate its growth1 and give it an earlier and a more powerful influence over them than it would otherwise manifest4 ,the mode of doing this is the same as in all other cases of the cultivation of moral sentiments in children1 and that is by the influence over them of sympathy with those they love4 ,just as the way to cultivate in the minds of children a feeling of pity for those who are in distress is not to preach it as a duty1 but to make them love you1 and then show such pity yourself2 and the way to make them angry and revengeful in character--if we can conceive of your being actuated by so unnatural a desire--would be often to express violent resentment yourself1 with scowling looks and fierce denunciations against those who have offended you2 so1 to awaken them to sentiments of gratitude for the favors they receive1 you must gently lead them to sympathize with you in the gratitude which you feel for the favors that you receive4 ,when a child shows some special unwillingness to comply with her mother's desires1 her mother may address to her a kind but direct and plain expostulation on the obligations of children to their parents1 and the duty incumbent on them of being grateful for their kindness1 and to be willing to do what they can in return4 ,such an address would probably do no good at all4 ,the child would receive it simply as a scolding1 no matter how mildly and gently the reproof might be expressed1 and would shut her heart against it4 ,it is something which she must stand still and endure1 and that is all4 ,but let the mother say the same things precisely when the child has shown a willingness to make some little sacrifice to aid or to gratify her mother1 so that the sentiment expressed may enter her mind in the form of approval and not of condemnation1 and the effect will be very different4 ,the sentiments will1 at any rate1 now not be rejected from the mind1 but the way will be open for them to enter1 and the conversation will have a good effect1 so far as didactic teaching can have effect in such a case4 ,but now to bring in the element of sympathy as a means of reaching and influencing the mind of the child3 ,the mother1 we will suppose1 standing at the door some morning before breakfast in spring1 with her little daughter1 seven or eight years old1 by her side1 hears a bird singing on a tree near by4 ,she points to the tree1 and says1 in a half-whisper1 ,hark6 ,when the sound ceases1 she looks to the child with an expression of pleasure upon her countenance1 and says1 ,suppose we give that bird some crumbs because he has been singing us such a pretty song4 ,well6 says the child4 ,would you8 asks the mother4 ,yes1 mother1 ,i should like to give him some very much4 ,do you suppose he sang the song for us8 ,i don't know that he did1 replies the mother4 ,we don't know exactly what the birds mean by all their singing4 ,they take some pleasure in seeing us1 ,i think1 or else they would not come so much around our house2 and ,i don't know but that this bird's song may come from some kind of joy or gladness he felt in seeing us come to the door4 ,at any rate1 it will be a pleasure to us to give him some crumbs to pay him for his song4 ,the child will think so too1 and will run off joyfully to bring a piece of bread to form crumbs to be scattered upon the path4 ,and the whole transaction will have the effect of awakening and cherishing the sentiment of gratitude in her heart4 ,the effect will not be great1 it is true1 but it will be of the right kind4 ,it will be a drop of water upon the unfolding cotyledons of a seed just peeping up out of the ground1 which will percolate below after you have gone away1 and give the little roots a new impulse of growth4 ,for when you have left the child seated upon the door-step1 occupied in throwing out the crumbs to the bird1 her heart will be occupied with the thoughts you have put into it1 and the sentiment of gratitude for kindness received will commence its course of development1 if it had not commenced it before4 ,the ,case of older ,children4 ,of course the employment of such an occasion as this of the singing of a little bird and such a conversation in respect to it for cultivating the sentiment of gratitude in the heart1 is adapted only to the case of quite a young child4 ,for older children1 while the principle is the same1 the circumstances and the manner of treating the case must be adapted to a maturer age4 ,robert1 for example--twelve years of age--had been sick1 and during his convalescence his sister ,mary1 two years older than himself1 had been very assiduous in her attendance upon him4 ,she had waited upon him at his meals1 and brought him books and playthings1 from time to time1 to amuse him4 ,after he had fully recovered his health1 he was sitting in the garden1 one sunny morning in the spring1 with his mother1 and she said1 ,how kind ,mary was to you while you were sick6 ,yes1 said ,robert1 she was very kind indeed4 ,if you would like to do something for her in return1 continued his mother1 ,i'll tell you what would be a good plan4 ,robert1 who1 perhaps1 without this conversation would not have thought particularly of making any return1 said he should like to do something for her very much4 ,then1 said his mother1 you might make her a garden4 ,i can mark off a place for a bed for her large enough to hold a number of kinds of flowers1 and then you can dig it up1 and rake it over1 and lay it off into little beds1 and sow the seeds4 ,i'll buy the seeds for you4 ,i should like to do something towards making the garden for her1 for she helped me a great deal1 as well as you1 in the care she took of you4 ,well1 said ,robert1 ,i'll do it4 ,you are well and strong now1 so you can do it pretty easily1 added the mother2 but still1 unless you would like to do it yourself for her sake1 ,i can get the man to do it4 ,but if you would like to do it yourself1 ,i think it would please her very much as an expression of your gratitude and love for her4 ,yes1 said ,robert1 ,i should a great deal rather do it myself1 and ,i will begin this very day4 ,and yet1 if his mother had not made the suggestion1 he would probably not have thought of making any such return1 or even any return at all1 for his sister's devoted kindness to him when he was sick4 ,in other words1 the sentiment of gratitude was in his heart1 or1 rather1 the capacity for it was there1 but it needed a little fostering care to bring it out into action4 ,and the thing to be observed is1 that by this fostering care it was not only brought out at the time1 but1 by being thus brought out and drawn into action1 it was strengthened and made-to grow1 so as to be ready to come out itself without being called1 on the next occasion4-,it was like a little plant just coming out of the ground under influences not altogether favorable4 ,it needs a little help and encouragement2 and the aid that is given by a few drops of water at the right time will bring it forward and help it to attain soon such a degree of strength and vigor as will make it independent of all external aid4 ,but there must be consideration1 tact1 a proper regard to circumstances1 and1 above all1 there must be no secret and selfish ends concealed1 on the part of the mother in such cases4 ,you may deluge and destroy your little plant by throwing on the water roughly or rudely2 or1 in the case of a boy upon whose mind you seem to be endeavoring to produce some moral result1 you may really have in view some object of your own--your interest in the moral result being only a pretense4 ,for instance1 ,egbert1 under circumstances similar to those recited above--in respect to the sickness of the boy1 and the kind attentions of his sister--came to his mother one afternoon for permission to go a-fishing with some other boys who had called for him4 ,he was full of excitement and enthusiasm at the idea4 ,but his mother was not willing to allow him to go4 ,the weather was lowering4 ,she thought that he had not yet fully recovered his health2 and she was afraid of other dangers4 ,instead of saying calmly1 after a moment's reflection1 to show that her answer was a deliberate one1 that he could not go1 and then quietly and firmly1 but without assigning any reasons1 adhering to her decision--a course which1 though it could not have saved the boy from emotions of disappointment1 would be the best for making those feelings as light and as brief in duration as possible--began to argue the case thus2 ,oh no1 ,egbert1 ,i would not go a-fishing this afternoon1 if ,i were you4 ,i think it is going to rain4 ,besides1 it is a nice cool day to work in the garden1 and ,lucy would like to have her garden made very much4 ,you know that she was very kind to you when you were sick--how many things she did for you2 and preparing her garden for her would be such a nice way of making her a return4 ,i am sure you would not wish to show yourself ungrateful for so much kindness4 ,then follows a discussion of some minutes1 in which ,egbert1 in a fretful and teasing tone1 persists in urging his desire to go a-fishing4 ,he can make the garden1 he says1 some other day4 ,his mother finally yields1 though with great unwillingness1 doing all she can to extract all graciousness and sweetness from her consent1 and to spoil the pleasure of the excursion to the boy1 by saying as he goes away1 that she is sure he ought not to go1 and that she shall be uneasy about him all the time that he is gone4 ,now it is plain that such management as this1 though it takes ostensibly the form of a plea on the part of the mother in favor of a sentiment of gratitude in the heart of the boy1 can have no effect in cherishing and bringing forward into life any such sentiment1 even if it should be already existent there in a nascent state2 but can only tend to make the object of it more selfish and heartless than ever4 ,thus the art of cultivating the sentiment of gratitude1 as is the case in all other departments of moral training1 can not be taught by definite lessons or learned by rote4 ,it demands tact and skill1 and1 above all1 an honest and guileless sincerity4 ,the mother must really look to1 and aim for the actual moral effect in the heart of the child1 and not merely make formal efforts ostensibly for this end1 but really to accomplish some temporary object of her own4 ,children easily see through all covert intentions of any kind4 ,they sometimes play the hypocrite themselves1 but they are always great detectors of hypocrisy in others4 ,but gentle and cautious efforts of the right kind--such as require no high attainments on the part of the mother1 but only the right spirit--will in time work wonderful effects2 and the mother who perseveres in them1 and who does not expect the fruits too soon1 will watch with great interest for the time to arrive when her boy will spontaneously1 from the promptings of his own heart1 take some real trouble1 or submit to some real privation or self-denial1 to give pleasure to her4 ,she will then enjoy the double gratification1 first1 of receiving the pleasure1 whatever it may be1 that her boy has procured for her1 and also the joy of finding that the tender plant which she has watched and watered so long1 and which for a time seemed so frail that she almost despaired of its ever coming to any good1 is really advanced to the stage of beginning to bear fruit1 and giving her an earnest of the abundant fruits which she may confidently expect from it in future years4 ,,chapter ,,xxiii4 ,,religious ,,training4 ,it has been my aim in this volume to avoid1 as far as possible1 all topics involving controversy1 and only to present such truths1 and to elucidate such principles1 as can be easily made to commend themselves to the good sense and the favorable appreciation of all the classes of minds likely to be found among the readers of the work4 ,there are certain very important aspects of the religious question which may be presented1 ,i think1 without any serious deviation from this policy4 ,in what ,true ,piety consists4 ,indeed2 ,i think there is far more real than seeming agreement among parents in respect to this subject1 or rather a large portion of the apparent difference consists in different modes of expressing in words thoughts and conceptions connected with spiritual things1 which from their very nature can not any of them be adequately expressed in language at all2 and thus it happens that what are substantially the same ideas are customarily clothed by different classes of persons in very different phraseology1 while1 on the other hand1 the same set of phrases actually represent in different minds very different sets of ideas4 ,for instance1 there is perhaps universal agreement in the idea that some kind of change--a change1 too1 of a very important character--is implied in the implanting or developing of the spirit of piety in the heart of a child4 ,there is also universal agreement in the fact--often very emphatically asserted in the ,new ,testament--that the essential principles in which true piety consists are those of entire submission in all things to the will of ,god1 and cordial kind feeling towards every man4 ,there is endless disagreement1 and much earnest contention among different denominations of ,christians1 in respect to the means by which the implanting of these principles is to be secured1 and to the modes in which1 when implanted1 they will manifest themselves2 but there is not1 so far as would appear1 any dissent whatever anywhere from the opinion that the end to be aimed at is the implanting of these principles--that is that it consists in bringing the heart to a state of complete and cordial submission to the authority and to the will of ,god1 and to a sincere regard for the welfare and happiness of every human being4 ,a ,question of ,words ,there seems1 at first view1 to be a special difference of opinion in respect to the nature of the process by which these principles come to be implanted or developed in the minds of the young2 for all must admit that in early infancy they are not there1 or1 at least1 that they do not appear4 ,no one would expect to find in two infants--twin-brothers1 we will suppose--creeping on the floor1 with one apple between them1 that there could be1 at that age1 any principles of right or justice1 or of brotherly love existing in their hearts that could prevent their both crying and quarrelling for it4 ,true1 says one2 but there are germs of those principles which1 in time1 will be developed4 ,no1 rejoins another1 there are no germs of them1 there are only capacities for them1 through which1 by ,divine power1 the germs may hereafter be introduced4 ,but when we reflect upon the difficulty of forming any clear and practical idea of the difference between a germ--in a bud upon an apple-tree1 for instance--which may ultimately produce fruit1 and a capacity for producing it which may subsequently be developed1 and still more1 how difficult is it to picture to our minds what is represented by these words in the case of a human soul1 it would seem as if the apparent difference in people's opinions on such a point must be less a difference in respect to facts than in respect to the phraseology by which the facts should be represented4 ,and there would seem to be confirmation of this view in the fact that the great apparent difference among men in regard to their theoretical views of human nature does not seem to produce any marked difference in their action in practically dealing with it4 ,some parents1 it is true1 habitually treat their children with gentleness1 kindness1 and love2 others are harsh and severe in all their intercourse with them4 ,but we should find1 on investigation1 that such differences have very slight connection with the theoretical views of the nature of the human soul which the parents respectively entertain4 ,parents who in their theories seem to think the worst of the native tendencies of the human heart are often as kind and considerate and loving in their dealings with it as any2 while no one would be at all surprised to find another1 who is very firm in his belief in the native tendency of childhood to good1 showing himself1 in practically dealing with the actual conduct of children1 fretful1 impatient1 complaining1 and very ready to recognize1 in fact1 tendencies which in theory he seems to deny4 ,and so1 two bank directors1 or members of the board of management of any industrial undertaking1 when they meet in the street on ,sunday1 in returning from their respective places of public worship1 if they fall into conversation on the moral nature of man1 may find1 or think they find1 that they differ extremely in their views1 and may even think each other bigoted or heretical1 as the case may be2 but yet the next day1 when they meet at a session of their board1 and come to the work of actually dealing with the conduct and the motives of men1 they may find that there is practically no difference between them whatever4 ,or1 if there should be any difference1 such as would show itself in a greater readiness in one than in the other to place confidence in the promises or to confide in the integrity of men1 the difference would1 in general1 have no perceptible relation whatever to the difference in the theological phraseology which they have been accustomed to hear and to assent to in their respective churches4 ,all which seems to indicate1 as has already been said1 that the difference in question is rather apparent than real1 and that it implies less actual disagreement about the facts of human nature than diversity in the phraseology by which the facts are represented4 ,agency of the ,divine ,spirit4 ,it may1 however1 be said that in this respect1 if not in any other1 there is a radical difference among parents in respect to human nature1 in relation to the religious education of children--namely1 that some think that the implanting of the right principles of repentance for all wrong-doing1 and sincere desires for the future to conform in all things to the will of ,god1 and seek the happiness and welfare of men1 can not come except by a special act of ,divine intervention1 and is utterly beyond the reach--in respect to any actual efficiency--of all human instrumentalities4 ,this is no doubt true2 but it is also no less true in respect to all the powers and capacities of the human soul1 as well as to those pertaining to moral and religious duty4 ,if the soul itself is the product of the creative agency of ,god1 all its powers and faculties must be so1 and1 consequently1 the development of them all--and there certainly can be no reason for making the sentiment of true and genuine piety an exception--must be the work of the same creative power4 ,but some one may say4 ,there is1 however1 after all1 a difference2 for while we all admit that both the original entrance of the embryo soul into existence1 and every step of its subsequent progress and development1 including the coming into being and into action of all its various faculties and powers1 are the work of the ,supreme creative power1 the commencement of the divine life in the soul is1 in a special and peculiar sense1 the work of the ,divine hand4 ,and this also is doubtless true2 at least1 there is a certain important truth expressed in that statement4 ,and yet when we attempt to picture to our minds two modes of ,divine action1 one of which is special and peculiar1 and the other is not so1 we are very likely to find ourselves bewildered and confused1 and we soon perceive that in making such inquiries we are going out of our depth--or1 in other words1 are attempting to pass beyond the limits which mark the present boundaries of human knowledge4 ,in view of these thoughts and suggestions1 in the truth of which it would seem that all reasonable persons must concur1 we may reasonably conclude that all parents who are willing to look simply at the facts1 and who are not too much trammelled by the forms of phraseology to which they are accustomed1 must agree in admitting the substantial soundness of the following principles relating to the religious education of children4 ,order of ,development in respect to different ,propensities and ,powers4 ,illustration3 ,,the ,,first ,,instinct4 #a4 ,we must not expect any perceptible awakening of the moral and religious sentiments too soon1 nor feel discouraged and disheartened because they do not earlier appear2 for1 like all the other higher attributes of the soul1 they pertain to a portion of the mental structure which is not early developed4 ,it is the group of purely animal instincts that first show themselves in the young1 and those even1 as we see in the young of the lower animals1 generally appear somewhat in the order in which they are required for the individual's good4 ,birds just hatched from the egg seem to have1 for the first few days1 only one instinct ready for action--that of opening their mouths wide at the approach of any thing towards their nest4 ,even this instinct is so imperfect and immature that it can not distinguish between the coming of their mother and the appearance of the face of a boy peering down upon them1 or even the rustling of the leaves around them by a stick4 ,in process of time1 as their wings become formed1 another instinct begins to appear--that of desiring to use the wings and come forth into the air4 ,the development of this instinct and the growth of the wings advance together4 ,later still1 when the proper period of maturity arrives1 other instincts appear as they are required--such as the love of a mate1 the desire to construct a nest1 and the principle of maternal affection4 ,now there is something analogous to this in the order of development to be observed in the progress of the human being through the period of infancy to that of maturity1 and we must not look for the development of any power or susceptibility before its time1 nor be too much troubled if we find that1 in the first two or three years of life1 the animal propensities--which are more advanced in respect to the organization which they depend upon--seem sometimes to overpower the higher sentiments and principles1 which1 so far as the capacity for them exists at all1 must be yet in embryo4 ,we must be willing to wait for each to be developed in its own appointed time4 ,dependence upon ,divine ,aid4 #b4 ,any one who is ready to feel and to acknowledge his dependence upon ,divine aid for any thing whatever in the growth and preservation of his child1 will surely be ready to do so in respect to the work of developing or awakening in his heart the principles of piety1 since it must be admitted by all that the human soul is the highest of all the manifestations of ,divine power1 and that that portion of its structure on which the existence and exercise of the moral and religious sentiments depend is the crowning glory of it4 ,it is right1 therefore--,i mean right1 in the sense of being truly philosophical--that if the parent feels and acknowledges his dependence upon ,divine power in any thing1 he should specially feel and acknowledge it here2 while there is nothing so well adapted as a deep sense of this dependence1 and a devout and habitual recognition of it1 and reliance upon it1 to give earnestness and efficiency to his efforts1 and to furnish a solid ground of hope that they will be crowded with success4 ,the ,christian ,paradox4 #c4 ,the great principle so plainly taught in the ,sacred ,scriptures--namely1 that while we depend upon the exercise of ,divine power for the success of all our efforts for our own spiritual improvement or that of others1 just as if we could do nothing ourselves1 we must do every thing that is possible ourselves1 just us if nothing was to be expected from ,divine power--may be called the ,christian paradox4 ,work out your own salvation with fear and trembling1 for it is ,god that worketh in you both to will and to do4 ,it would seem1 it might be thought1 much more logical to say1 ,work out your own salvation1 for there is nobody to help you2 or1 ,it is not necessary to make any effort yourselves1 for it is ,god that worketh in you4 ,it seems strange and paradoxical to say1 ,work out your own salvation1 for it is ,god that worketh in you both to will and to do4 ,but in this1 as in all other paradoxes1 the difficulty is in the explanation of the theory1 and not in the practical working of it4 ,there is in natural philosophy what is called the hydrostatic paradox1 which consists in the fact that a small quantity of any liquid--as1 for example1 the coffee in the nose of the coffee-pot--will balance and sustain a very much larger quantity--as that contained in the body of it--so as to keep the surface of each at the same level4 ,young students involve themselves sometimes in hopeless entanglements among the steps of the mathematical demonstration showing how this can be1 but no housekeeper ever meets with any practical difficulty in making her coffee rest quietly in its place on account of it4 ,the ,christian paradox1 in the same way1 gives rise to a great deal of metaphysical floundering and bewilderment among young theologians in their attempts to vindicate and explain it1 but the humble-minded ,christian parent finds no difficulty in practice4 ,it comes very easy to him to do all he can1 just as if every thing depended upon his efforts1 and at the same time to cast all his care upon ,god1 just as if there was nothing at all that he himself could do4 ,means must be ,right ,means4 #d4 ,we are apt to imagine--or1 at least1 to act sometimes as if we imagined--that our dependence upon the ,divine aid for what our ,saviour1 ,jesus1 designated as the new birth1 makes some difference in the obligation on our part to employ such means as are naturally adapted to the end in view4 ,if a gardener1 for example1 were to pour sand from his watering-pot upon his flowers1 in time of drought1 instead of water1 he might make something like a plausible defense of his action1 in reply to a remonstrance1 thus3 ,i have no power to make the flowers grow and bloom4 ,the secret processes on which the successful result depends are altogether beyond my reach1 and in the hands of ,god1 and he can just as easily bless one kind of instrumentality as another4 ,i am bound to do something1 it is true1 for ,i must not be idle and inert2 but ,god1 if he chooses to do so1 can easily bring out the flowers into beauty and bloom1 however imperfect and ill-adapted the instrumentalities ,i use may be4 ,he can as easily make use1 for this purpose1 of sand as of water4 ,now1 although there may be a certain plausibility in this reasoning1 such conduct would appear to every one perfectly absurd2 and yet many parents seem to act on a similar principle4 ,a mother who is from time to time1 during the week1 fretful and impatient1 evincing no sincere and hearty consideration for the feelings1 still less for the substantial welfare and happiness1 of those dependent upon her2 who shows her insubmission to the will of ,god1 by complaints and repinings at any thing untoward that befalls her2 and who evinces a selfish love for her own gratification--her dresses1 her personal pleasures1 and her fashionable standing2 and then1 as a means of securing the salvation of her children1 is very strict1 when ,sunday comes1 in enforcing upon them the study of their ,sunday lessons1 or in requiring them to read good books1 or in repressing on that day any undue exuberance of their spirits--relying upon the blessing of ,god upon her endeavors--will be very apt to find1 in the end1 that she has been watering her delicate flowers with sand4 ,the means which we use to awaken or impart the feelings of sorrow for sin1 submission to ,god1 and cordial good-will to man1 in which all true piety consists1 must be means that are appropriate in themselves to the accomplishment of the end intended4 ,the appliance must be water1 and not sand--or rather water or sand1 with judgment1 discrimination1 and tact2 for the gardener often finds that a judicious mixture of sand with the clayey and clammy soil about the roots of his plants is just what is required4 ,the principle is1 that the appliance must be an appropriate one--that is1 one indicated by a wise consideration of the circumstances of the case1 and of the natural characteristics of the infantile mind4 ,power of ,sympathy4 #e4 ,in respect to religious influence over the minds of children1 as in all other departments of early training1 the tendency to sympathetic action between the heart of the child and the parent is the great source of the parental influence and power4 ,the principle1 ,make a young person love you1 and then simply be in his presence what you wish him to be1 is the secret of success4 ,the tendency of young children to become what they see those around them whom they love are1 seems to be altogether the most universally acting and the most powerful of the influences on which the formation of the character depends2 and yet it is remarkable that we have no really appropriate name for it4 ,we call it sometimes sympathy2 but the word sympathy is associated more frequently in our minds with the idea of compassionate participation in the sufferings of those we love4 ,sometimes we term it a spirit of imitation1 but that phrase implies rather a conscious effort to act like those whom we love1 than that involuntary tendency to become like them1 which is the real character of the principle in question4 ,the principle is in some respects like what is called induction in physical science1 which denotes the tendency of a body1 which is in any particular magnetic or electric condition1 to produce the same condition1 and the same direction of polarity1 in any similar body placed near it4 ,there is a sort of moral induction1 which is not exactly sympathy1 in the ordinary sense of that word1 nor a desire of imitation1 nor the power of example1 but an immediate1 spontaneous1 and even unconscious tendency to become what those around us are4 ,this tendency is very strong in the young while the opening faculties are in the course of formation and development1 and it is immensely strengthened by the influence of love4 ,whatever1 therefore1 a mother wishes her child to be--whether a sincere1 honest ,christian1 submissive to ,god's will and conscientious in the discharge of every duty1 or proud1 vain1 deceitful1 hypocritical1 and pharisaical--she has only to be either the one or the other herself1 and without any special teaching her child will be pretty sure to be a good copy of the model4 ,theological ,instruction4 #f4 ,if the principle above stated is correct1 it helps to explain why so little good effect is ordinarily produced by what may be called instruction in theological truth on the minds of the young4 ,any system of theological truth consists of grand generalizations1 which1 like all other generalizations1 are very interesting1 and often very profitable1 to mature minds1 especially to minds of a certain class2 but they are not appreciable by children1 and can only in general be received by them as words to be fixed in the memory by rote4 ,particulars first1 generalizations afterwards1 is1 or ought to be1 the order of progress in all acquisition of knowledge4 ,this certainly has been the course pursued by the ,divine ,spirit in the moral training of the human race4 ,there is very little systematic theology in the ,old ,testament1 and it requires a considerable degree of ingenuity to make out as much as the theologians desire to find even in the teachings of ,jesus ,christ4 ,it is very well to exercise this ingenuity1 and the systematic results which are to be obtained by it may be very interesting1 and very beneficial1 to those whose minds are mature enough to enter into and appreciate them4 ,but they are not adapted to the spiritual wants of children1 and can only be received by them1 if they are received at all1 in a dry1 formal1 mechanical manner4 ,read1 therefore1 the stories in the ,old ,testament1 or the parables and discourses of ,jesus in the ,new1 without attempting to draw many inferences from them in the way of theoretical belief1 but simply to bring out to the mind and heart of the child the moral point intended in each particular case1 and the heart of the child will be touched1 and he will receive an element of instruction which he can arrange and group with others in theological generalization by-and-by1 when his faculties have advanced to the generalizing stage4 ,no repulsive ,personal ,applications4 #g4 ,in reading the ,scriptures1 and1 indeed1 in all forms of giving religious counsel or instruction1 we must generally beware of presenting the thoughts that we communicate in the form of reproachful personal application4 ,there may be exceptions to this rule1 but it is undoubtedly1 in general1 a sound one4 ,for the work which we have to do1 is not to attempt to drive the heart from the wrong to the right by any repellent action which the wrong may be made to exert1 but to allure it by an attractive action with which the right may be invested4 ,we must1 therefore1 present the incidents and instructions of the ,word in their alluring aspect--assuming1 in a great measure1 that our little pupil will feel pleasure with us in the manifestations of the right1 and will sympathize with us in disapproval of the wrong4 ,to secure them to our side1 in the views which we take1 we must show a disposition to take them to it by an affectionate sympathy4 ,our ,saviour set us an excellent example of relying on the superior efficiency of the bond of sympathy and love in its power over the hearts of children1 as compared with that of formal theological instruction1 in the few glimpses which we have of his mode of dealing with them4 ,when they brought little children to him1 he did not begin to expound to them the principles of the government of ,god1 or the theoretical aspects of the way of salvation2 but took them up in his arms and blessed them1 and called the attention of the by standers at the same time to qualities and characteristics which they possessed that he seemed to regard with special affection1 and which others must imitate to be fit for the kingdom of ,god4 ,of course the children went away pleased and happy from such an interview1 and would be made ready by it to receive gladly to their hearts any truths or sentiments which they might subsequently hear attributed to one who was so kind a friend to them4 ,if1 however1 instead of this1 he had told them--no matter in what kind and gentle tones--that they had very wicked hearts1 which must be changed before either ,god or any good man could truly love them1 and that this change could only be produced by a power which they could only understand to be one external to themselves1 and that they must earnestly pray for it every day1 how different would have been the effect4 ,they would have listened in mute distress1 would have been glad to make their escape when the conversation was ended1 and would shrink from ever seeing or hearing again one who placed himself in an attitude so uncongenial to them4 ,and yet all that might be true4 ,they might have had yet only such appetites and propensities developed within them as would1 if they continued to hold paramount control over them all their lives1 make them selfish1 unfeeling1 and wicked men2 and that they were1 in a special though mysterious manner1 dependent on the ,divine power for bringing into action within them other and nobler principles4 ,and so1 if a physician were called in to see a sick child1 he might see that it was in desperate danger1 and that unless something could be done1 and that speedily1 to arrest the disease1 his little patient would be dead in a few hours2 and yet to say that to the poor child1 and overwhelm it with terror and distress1 would not be a very suitable course of procedure for averting the apprehended result4 ,judge not1 that ye be not judged4 #h4 ,and this leads us to reflect1 in the eighth place1 that we ought to be very careful1 in our conversations with children1 and especially in addresses made to them in the ,sunday-school1 or on any other occasion1 not to say any thing to imply that we consider them yet unconverted sinners4 ,no one can possibly know at how early an age that great change which consists in the first faint enkindling of the ,divine life in the soul may begin to take place1 nor with what faults1 and failings1 and yieldings to the influence of the mere animal appetites and passions of childhood it may1 for a time1 co-exist4 ,we should never1 therefore1 say any thing to children to imply that1 in the great question of their relations to ,god and the ,saviour1 we take it for granted that they are on the wrong side4 ,we can not possibly know on which side they really are1 and we only dishearten and discourage them1 and alienate their hearts from us1 and tend to alienate them from all good1 by seeming to take it for granted that1 while we are on the right side1 they are still upon the wrong4 ,we should1 in a word1 say we1 and not you1 in addressing children on religious subjects1 so as to imply that the truths and sentiments which we express are equally important and equally applicable to us as to them1 and thus avoid creating that feeling of being judged and condemned beforehand1 and without evidence1 which is so apt to produce a broad though often invisible gulf of separation in heart between children1 on the one hand1 and ministers and members of the ,church1 on the other4 ,promised ,rewards and threatened ,punishments4 #i4 ,it is necessary to be extremely moderate and cautious in employing the influence of promised rewards or threatened punishments as a means of promoting early piety4 ,in a religious point of view1 as in every other1 goodness that is bought is only a pretense of goodness--that is1 in reality it is no goodness at all2 and as it is true that love casteth out fear1 so it is also true that fear casteth out love4 ,suppose--though it is almost too violent a supposition to be made even for illustration's sake--that the whole ,christian world could be suddenly led to believe that there was to be no happiness or suffering at all for them beyond the grave1 and that the inducement to be grateful to ,god for his goodness and submissive to his will1 and to be warmly interested in the welfare and happiness of man1 were henceforth to rest on the intrinsic excellence of those principles1 and to their constituting essentially the highest and noblest development of the moral and spiritual nature of man--how many of the professed disciples of ,jesus would abandon their present devotion to the cause of love to ,god and love to man8 ,not one1 except the hypocrites and pretenders6 ,the truth is1 that as piety that is genuine and sincere must rest on very different foundations from hope of future reward or fear of future punishment1 so this hope and this fear are very unsuitable instrumentalities to be relied on for awakening it4 ,the kind of gratitude to ,god which we wish to cherish in the mind of a child is not such as would be awakened towards an earthly benefactor by saying--in the case of a present made by an uncle1 for instance--,your uncle has made you a beautiful present4 ,go and thank him very cordially1 and perhaps you will get another4 ,it is rather of a kind which might be induced by saying1 ,your uncle1 who has been so kind to you in past years1 is poor and sick1 and can never do any thing more for you now4 ,would you like to go and sit in his sick-room to show your love for him1 and to be ready to help him if he wants any thing8 ,true piety1 in a word1 which consists in entering into and steadily maintaining the right moral and spiritual relations with ,god and man1 marks the highest condition which the possibilities of human nature allow1 and must rest in the soul which attains to it on a very different foundation from any thing like hope or fear4 ,that there is a function which it is the province of these motives to fulfill1 is abundantly proved by the use that is sometimes made of them in the ,scriptures4 ,but the more we reflect upon the subject1 the more we shall be convinced1 ,i think1 that all such considerations ought to be kept very much in the back-ground in our dealings with children4 ,if a child is sick1 and is even likely to die1 it is a very serious question whether any warning given to him of his danger will not operate as a hindrance rather than a help1 in awakening those feelings which will constitute the best state of preparation for the change4 ,for a sense of gratitude to ,god for his goodness1 and to the ,saviour for the sacrifice which he made for his sake1 penitence for his sins1 and trust in the forgiving mercy of his ,maker1 are the feelings to be awakened in his bosom2 and these1 so far as they exist1 will lead him to lie quietly1 calmly1 and submissively in ,god's hands1 without anxiety in respect to what is before him4 ,it is a serious question whether an entire uncertainty as to the time when his death is to come is not more favorable to the awakening of these feelings1 than the state of alarm and distress which would be excited by the thought that it was near4 ,the ,reasonableness of ,gentle ,measures in ,religious ,training4 ,the mother may sometimes derive from certain religious considerations the idea that she is bound to look upon the moral delinquencies and dangers which she observes in her children1 under an aspect more stern and severe than seems to be here recommended4 ,but a little reflection must convince us that the way to true repentance of1 and turning from sin1 is not necessarily through the suffering of terror and distress4 ,the ,gospel is not an instrumentality for producing terror and distress1 even as means to an end4 ,it is an instrumentality for saving us from these ills2 and the ,divine ,spirit1 in the hidden and mysterious influence which it exercises in forming1 or transforming1 the human soul into the image of ,god1 must be as ready1 it would seem1 to sanction and bless efforts made by a mother to allure her child away from its sins by loving and gentle invitations and encouragements1 as any attempts to drive her from them by the agency of terror or pain4 ,it would seem that no one who remembers the way in which ,jesus ,christ dealt with the children that were brought to him could possibly have any doubt of this4 ,,chapter ,,xxiv4 ,,conclusion4 ,any person who has acquired the art of examining and analyzing his own thoughts will generally find that the mental pictures which he forms of the landscapes1 or the interiors1 in which the scenes are laid of the events or incidents related in any work of fiction which interests him1 are modelled more or less closely from prototypes previously existing in his own mind1 and generally upon those furnished by the experiences of his childhood4 ,if1 for example1 he reads an account of transactions represented as taking place in an ,english palace or castle1 he will usually1 on a careful scrutiny1 find that the basis of his conception of the scene is derived from the arrangement of the rooms of some fine house with which he was familiar in early life4 ,thus1 a great many things which attract our attention1 and impress themselves upon our memories in childhood1 become the models and prototypes--more or less aggrandized and improved1 perhaps--of the conceptions and images which we form in later years4 ,nature of the ,effect produced by ,early ,impressions4 ,few persons who have not specially reflected on this subject1 or examined closely the operations of their own minds1 are aware what an extended influence the images thus stored in the mind in childhood have in forming the basis1 or furnishing the elements of the mental structures of future life4 ,but the truth1 when once understood1 shows of what vast importance it is with what images the youthful mind is to be stored4 ,a child who ascends a lofty mountain1 under favorable circumstances in his childhood1 has his conceptions of all the mountain scenery that he reads of1 or hears of through life1 modified and aggrandized by the impression made upon his sensorium at this early stage4 ,take your daughter1 who has always1 we will suppose1 lived in the country1 on an excursion with you to the sea-shore1 and allow her to witness for an hour1 as she sits in silence on the cliff1 the surf rolling in incessantly upon the beach1 and infinitely the smallest part of the effect is the day's gratification which you have given her4 ,that is comparatively nothing4 ,you have made a life-long change1 if not in the very structure1 at least in the permanent furnishing of her mind1 and performed a work that can never by any possibility be undone4 ,the images which have been awakened in her mind1 the emotions connected with them1 and the effect of these images and emotions upon her faculties of imagination and conception1 will infuse a life into them which will make her1 in respect to this aspect of her spiritual nature1 a different being as long as she lives4 ,the ,nature and ,origin of general ,ideas4 ,it is the same substantially in respect to all those abstract and general ideas on moral or other kindred subjects which constitute the mental furnishing of the adult man1 and have so great an influence in the formation of his habits of thought and of his character4 ,they are chiefly formed from combinations of the impressions made in childhood4 ,a person's idea of justice1 for instance1 or of goodness1 is a generalization of the various instances of justice or goodness which ever came to his knowledge2 and of course1 among the materials of this generalization those instances that were brought to his mind during the impressible years of childhood must have taken a very prominent part4 ,every story1 therefore1 which you relate to a child to exemplify the principles of justice or goodness takes its place1 or1 rather1 the impression which it makes takes its place1 as one of the elements out of which the ideas that are to govern his future life are formed4 ,vast ,importance and ,influence of this mental ,furnishing1 ,for the ideas and generalizations thus mainly formed from the images and impressions received in childhood become1 in later years1 the elements of the machinery1 so to speak1 by which all his mental operations are performed4 ,thus they seem to constitute more than the mere furniture of the mind2 they form1 as it were1 almost a part of the structure itself4 ,so true1 indeed1 is this1 and so engrossing a part does what remains in the mind of former impressions play in its subsequent action1 that some philosophers have maintained that the whole of the actual consciousness of man consists only in the resultant of all these impressions preserved more or less imperfectly by the memory1 and made to mingle together in one infinitely complicated but harmonious whole4 ,without going to any such extreme as this1 we can easily see1 on reflection1 how vast an influence on the ideas and conceptions1 as well as on the principles of action in mature years1 must be exerted by the nature and character of the images which the period of infancy and childhood impresses upon the mind4 ,all parents should1 therefore1 feel that it is not merely the present welfare and happiness of their child that is concerned in their securing to him a tranquil and happy childhood1 but that his capacity for enjoyment through life is greatly dependent upon it4 ,they are1 in a very important sense1 intrusted with the work of building up the structure of his soul for all time1 and it is incumbent upon them1 with reference to the future as well as to the present1 to be very careful what materials they allow to go into the work1 as well as in what manner they lay them4 ,among the other bearings of this thought1 it gives great weight to the importance of employing gentle measures in the management and training of the young1 provided that such measures can be made effectual in the accomplishment of the end4 ,the pain produced by an act of hasty and angry violence to which a father subjects his son may soon pass away1 but the memory of it does not pass away with the pain4 ,even the remembrance of it may at length fade from the mind1 but there is still an effect which does not pass away with the remembrance4 ,every strong impression which you make upon his perceptive powers must have a very lasting influence1 and even the impression itself may1 in some cases1 be forever indelible4 ,let us1 then1 take care that these impressions shall be1 as far as possible1 such as shall be sources of enjoyment for them in future years4 ,it is true that we must govern them4 ,they are committed to our charge during the long time which is required for the gradual unfolding of their embryo powers for the express purpose that during that interval they may be guided by our reason1 and not by their own4 ,we can not surrender this trust4 ,but there is a way of faithfully fulfilling the duties of it--if we have discernment to see it1 and skill to follow it--which will make the years of their childhood years of tranquillity and happiness1 both to ourselves and to them4 ,,the ,,end4 ,footnote ,a3 ,see ,frontispiece4 ,endnote ,b3 ,the ,boston ,congregationalist4